Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2089296.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Sirius_Black/Remus_Lupin, James_Potter/Lily_Evans_Potter
  Character:
      Sirius_Black, Remus_Lupin, Harry_Potter, James_Potter, Lily_Evans_Potter
  Additional Tags:
      Age_Difference, Past_Child_Abuse, Implied/Referenced_Child_Abuse,
      Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar_Disorder, Implied/Referenced_Self-Harm,
      Implied/Referenced_Alcohol_Abuse/Alcoholism
  Series:
      Part 1 of Resonance
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-08-06 Updated: 2018-03-29 Chapters: 24/25 Words: 96540
****** Matching Wavelengths ******
by allofthatblood
Summary
     Coffee shop au set in present time. Sirius, James, and Lily, friends
     since childhood, manage and own a coffee shop together. Remus is just
     the high school kid who wanders in every afternoon, catching Sirius'
     eye. This is the story of how empathy, understanding, responsibility,
     and a lifetime of similarity easily trump an age gap, and of how
     romance may not fix the broken, but the friend you find in a partner
     sure will help.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm going to preface this by saying that this is my first shot at a
     chaptered wolfstar fic as well as my first attempt at using ao3.
     Obviously, this fic is going to contain an age gap. Both characters
     are above the age of consent for the setting of the fic, but it's
     still considerable, so if this is going to be a squick for anyone,
     you should probably turn away now. In addition, several characters in
     this story either have gone through or are going through situations
     where their home life was/is, um, not too great? In addition, one
     character does have major depression, which will be mentioned several
     times. If any of this is going to be triggering to you, I suggest
     finding something else to read. If you would, however, like to stick
     around, thank you and enjoy!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Sirius is just about to nod off when he hears a crash from the back room.
The faint glow of the sun over the buildings across the street was shining in
the windows just so, and it was perfectly quiet except for the faint drip of
the coffee maker behind him and the hum of the refrigerator in the back, and
Tuesdays just make him tired in general...
But he jolts awake at the sound of metal hitting the floor.
"Christ, are you okay?" he calls as he rounds the corner. James is bending over
picking up small pieces of the new espresso machine that just came today.
Sirius sees a spring still rolling across the concrete floor. He whistles in
appreciation of James' stupidity. "Lily's going to kill you."
"Thanks for the moral support and all though. Quite helpful. Could you grab
that bit that just rolled under the shelf there?"
Sirius makes a face at the prospect of getting dust on his torn black jeans,
but eventually lowers himself to the ground and reaches under the wooden shelf.
His long hair curtains to the ground behind him as he stretches forward to
reach it. "You're lucky this one isn't glass."
"Lucky? It's still broken. For God's sake, what is this?" he asks, and Sirius
turns to look at the golden metal bit in his hand. It's got three openings and
two little holes for screws. He can't even begin to imagine what it's for.
"You're screwed," Sirius concludes, straightening up now that he's got the bolt
in his hand. He's never seen a bolt come off of something like that before. It
can't be a good sign.
"I'll just tell her you did it," James says, dusting his hands off on his jeans
as he drops a greasy rubber thing into the box. "Think that part was oily. Is
that no good?"
"Should I be ordering a new one?"
"Christ," James says. He stands up and peers down into the box for a long
moment and then sighs heavily. "I have to go call her."
"That's it, mate. Chin up. You can take a week without sex."
"It's just a stupid coffee maker."
"Yeah, you broke the most expensive coffee maker you could've broken. Tough
luck."
"Oh, for-- don't you have something you should be doing? What time is it?
Shouldn't Moony be coming soon?"
Sirius digs his hands into his apron pockets. "Shut up. Maybe. Don't call him
that."
"I'd call him by his name if you actually knew it," James jokes. He lifts the
espresso machine box onto the overcrowded desk. That was probably why it fell
in the first place, Sirius thinks, but if he says something he might have to be
the one to clean it, and he'd really rather not.
"He always looks like he doesn't want to be bothered," Sirius says.
"Maybe he's just uncomfortably trying to avoid the way you stare at him non-
stop."
"I do not!"
"Someone's in denial," James says, reaching into his pocket for his iPhone.
Sirius watches as he flips through his contacts but says nothing more. So he
has a crush on the kid. He's cute. He doesn't understand why it has to be a
thing, but James makes everything he can into a thing. Sirius does not like
having his life be made into a thing.
"Yeah, hey," James says a bit too sweetly. "I have something to tell you."
Sirius would really rather not hear Lily scream. Even over the phone it's quite
an unpleasant display. He pushes the back room door open just in time to see
the kid's figure pass by the window, and Sirius' heart thuds oddly in his chest
and he wonders, not for the first time, why he finds this teenage hipster so
attractive. The kid wears chukkas, for God's sake. The bells over the shop door
jingle as it's pushed open.
"Same as always?" Sirius asks with a friendly smile, and he receives an
answering smile that suggests a strong sensation of discomfort, so he sets to
work on the iced coffee. He assumes this kid is coming from secondary school,
based on the messenger bag and stack of books. He's wearing the dumb shirt
today, the one that inspired his nickname, with the three wolves howling at the
moon. Sirius is so sick of ironic t-shirts, but he really can't complain about
the way the fabric hugs his lean body. Plus it's not the t-shirt's fault that
James teases Sirius incessantly about his "Moony eyes." And then there's the
faded skinny jeans and the boat shoes, and really, Sirius' ability to hold a
grudge isn't that strong willed, even when his dignity is on the line.
"Like that shirt," he says, adding syrup to the plastic cup in his hand.
Honey-colored eyes stare blankly at him for a moment before a grin splits the
kid's face, and he laughs softly, low and smooth. Sirius feels arousal pooling
in his stomach. "Thanks. I thought it was kind of funny."
"Funny?" Sirius asks, flicking an eyebrow up as he pours dark roast coffee over
the ice in the cup.
"Well, my name's Remus Lupin," he explains. "So you know."
"Quite a sense of humor your parents must have," Sirius jokes, pressing a lid
on and sliding the cup across the counter.
"You'd be surprised," he remarks dryly, pulling a fiver from a worn leather
wallet and handing it to Sirius. The color and life that had so subtly spread
through his features is gone now, like a window rolling up between them.
Sirius eyes him (Remus, he thinks, and the name sounds so wonderful just
because it is his and he finally knows it, and Sirius thinks he may as well
just cut off his balls at this point because is he a grown man or a teenage
girl?) for a moment before turning to the register. He's never sure where the
line is between teenagers whining about how their parents suck and teenagers
actually having abusive parents. Remus owns Sperrys and expensive clothing, but
Sirius grew up learning that money does not equal love and acceptance.
"Um," Remus says, and as Sirius refocuses, he realizes that he's been staring
at Remus' wavy golden hair. He's so fucked, he thinks for a minute, and Remus
looks very confused. "There's... no more straws in the thing," he says, and
Sirius smiles apologetically almost on instinct.
"Sorry about that," he says, rooting around under the counter for a new box. He
hands one to Remus with a smile before stepping around to the other side of the
counter to refill the container. When he glances back over, Remus is giving him
a not-quite-unpleasant strange look, and he feels his stomach warm in response.
"So yours are into astronomy then?" Remus asks.
"Yeah, it's ah, it's a rather awful family tradition," Sirius says, crushing
the box flat to toss it in the trash. "My father's name was Orion, and so they-
-" He turns to Remus, brows furrowed, watching suspiciously as Remus smiles
pleasantly "Wait, how did you--"
"Know your name?" Remus asks. "Well, mostly because you're wearing a name tag."
Sirius looks down and laughs, dragging a hand over his face. "So I am," he
says, and he's never embarrassed easily, but he feels a little dumb now. "Well,
Remus Lupin. Nice to meet you. I'm Sirius Black," he says, holding his hand
out, and Remus shakes it with a bit of a quirky grin on his face.
"You too," Remus says. "Thanks for the compliment. And the coffee," he adds,
heading for the door. "I'll be back tomorrow for my daily fix,"
"I'll be eagerly awaiting your arrival," Sirius jokes, and he hopes to god he
is not imaging that blush, and the bells above the door tingle in time with
Remus' sweet laugh as he steps outside into the warm early fall air.
When Sirius pushes the door to the back room open, James is sitting on the
floor with his legs folded beneath him, hunched over with his head in his
hands.
"You look happy," Sirius comments.
"She's so firey," James says. "Why did I used to think that was a good thing?"
"You are quite mad."
"I've got limits. She acted like she wasn't that angry, so now I've got to live
in fear."
"You're downright paranoid, mate."
"She does things, Sirius. I love her but she's evil."
"Speaking of evil," Sirius says, leaning coolly against the wall. "You're not
allowed to call him Moony anymore."
"Why?"
"I found out his name."
"You talked to him?"
"Yeah. It's Remus."
"Christ," James says, laughing. "Remus. Like Romulus and Remus?"
"Just like."
"Moony. It's perfect!"
"Oh for God's sake."
"It's like fate."
"It's like you're an arsehole who probably isn't getting laid for another solid
week because he knocked an expensive piece of equipment over like an ignorant
clutz."
"You know you could just ask him out if you're so jealous of my sex life."
"No offense to you or Lils, but I'd rather be celibate than shag her."
"True tragedy, that is. Well, at least my wife is of age."
"He might be," Sirius defends. "Anyway, like you've never found a teenager
attractive. He's hot, is all, coming in here with those dumb hipster clothes
and that stupid lovely hair. And that nose--"
"Oh, shut up. His nose is the size of Australia."
"His nose is cute. But. That's entirely beside the point. He's hot. It's not
like I want to marry him."
"Give it time," James says, hauling himself to his feet. "That's how my
obsession with Lily started out."
"Kill me if it ever gets that far," Sirius says, but then he wonders how long
it'll take for that soft voice and those maple brown eyes to tear away at his
sanity.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you for reading! In terms of updates, I do have a few chapters
     of this fic ready, but I'm not nearly through with it, and I do have
     a pretty busy life. I'll probably post on my tumblr (same url as my
     username here) when this fic updates; the post will be tagged
     wolfstar and probably the name of this fic as well, so it won't be
     too hard to find. Again, thanks for reading, and feedback is most
     sincerely appreciated.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Despite James' assurance that Lily wasn't angry, she's mad when she calls him
that night after he and James close up, telling him that he should've been
watching James to make sure he wasn't doing anything dumb, like it's his job to
babysit her git of a husband, and then asking him not to bother coming in the
next morning because she can handle it herself if he's going to be like this,
and he has no idea how he's being, but he does get to sleep in the next
morning.
It's around noon when he finally decides he should probably go in anyway,
because even though it's a Saturday and there's no morning rush of people
grabbing coffee before work, it's cruel to make Lily endure the whole day
alone. He pulls up in front of the shop on his motorbike around one to find
Lily wiping down the windows.
"For Christ's sake," he says to himself as he shoves his key into his pocket.
He loves Lily, he really does, and she's like a sister to him and all, but
sometimes she's just a little too much like him for comfort. Now, for instance,
when she's illustrating what a stubborn moron she is by ignoring explicit
instructions to not perform physical labor. Her pregnant stomach bumps against
the glass as she reaches above her head to wipe the dust away; James would have
a coronary if he saw.
The bells above the door jingle as he pushes it open and she beams at him. He
is, as usual, confused by her mood swings and unpredictability and goes with
his usual tactic of pretending she didn't distribute death threats to him in
the recent past.
"'Lo," she says happily, pulling him into a one armed hug. She's not that big
yet, but Sirius feels like he can notice it more and more each time he sees
her. He tries not to act like it, but he thinks he may be more excited than
James.
"Give me that," he says admonishingly, taking the Windex and paper towels from
her hand. "You can't do stuff like that with little Sirius Jr. in your tummy."
"Don't make me puke," she says, but she's smiling. "Want some coffee? Maybe a
latte?"
He looks over the top of her head and sees the espresso maker sitting in place
of the old one on the counter, good as new.
"What did you do?" he asks.
"Fixed it. You two are hopeless, you know. It wasn't that hard."
"I'm sure," he says, brushing past her to put the Windex with the cleaning
supplies in the back.
"I wasn't done," she calls after him, but he is saved from the pain of wiping
down the windows when the bell above the door jingles again and she's
distracted.
The desk in the back room has been straightened up now, which he would normally
see as a glorious miracle, but Lily does not clean unless she's upset. He makes
a face at the organized paperwork as he hangs his coat on the hook on the wall.
Back in the front of the store, Lily is sliding a cup of coffee across the
counter towards an elderly man. She smiles brightly at him as she hands him his
change.
"Enjoy your day," she says sweetly.
"You're never that nice to me," Sirius says, leaning against the counter.
"Shut up," she says, shoving his side. "You never deserve it."
He snorts. "I always deserve it, baby," he answers, pulling her close.
"You're disgusting," she answers, shoving his arms away. "And speaking of
which, James told me you met someone yesterday."
"Christ, does all of London know that, God forbid, I had a conversation with a
customer?"
"You like him and you know it," Lily insists, crossing her arms. Her gaze is
piercing. Sirius loves her to death, but he'll never stop thinking she's scary.
"Eh," he answers. "He was wearing boat shoes yesterday."
"Not everyone wears Docs and leather jackets every day, Mr. Cool."
"You sound like a mom," he tells her, ignoring the face she makes at him. "And
anyway, I'm punk. Look at me! Have you ever seen anyone this punk? Liking a
hipster is not punk."
"You're not punk, Sirius. You used to finger paint with Harry when he was
little."
"Finger painting is punk as fuck," Sirius insists, nudging Lily's flats with
the tip of his boot. "But alright, fine. It's not like anything's gonna happen.
He hardly ever even talks."
"What was his name? Remus Lupin? What do you think, Remus Black or Sirius
Lupin?"
"You're sick."
"It's okay if you like him," she says. "You haven't gone out with anyone in
years."
"Are Mommy and Daddy worrying?"
"Well, you know James, he couldn't care less what you do with your love life,
but I am. I mean, don't you wanna get married and have a family? You adore
Harry and you're more worried about this one," she says, rubbing her stomach,
"than James is. Don't you want your own?"
"Well, yeah, I guess, but-- this is unrelated."
"No it's not," she says. "You've gotta stop thinking someone will just come to
you and beg for your hand in marriage one day just because you're attractive.
It doesn't work that way."
"You think I'm attractive?"
She rolls her eyes and Sirius snickers, nudging her shoe with his own again.
"You know I'm just kidding," he says. "I know, and you're probably right, but
he's still in secondary school."
She shrugs and then nods behind him, where the bells above the door are
jingling again. "He's here," she says, giving him a look, and Sirius rolls his
eyes at her and bumps his shoulder into hers.
He has a hard time arguing with her logic, though, once he sees Remus. He's got
his hair swept in front of his eyes today, and he's wearing a rumpled plaid
button up over a light gray t-shirt, and as much as Sirius despises the whole
hipster thing, Remus really does pull it off, and Sirius knows how hard it is
to pull a Look off. Plus, he's wearing the damn chukkas, and fuck it all if
Sirius doesn't think they're attractive.
"'Lo," he says lightly, and Lily makes an amused noise from the blurry edges of
his consciousness. Remus smiles at him. He quickly turns around to start making
his drink before anyone notices his quickly rising arousal.
"I think I'll have something different today, actually," Remus says, leaning
against the counter.
"Yeah?" Sirius asks, turning around.
"Only I don't know much about coffee so I thought you'd be able to recommend
something."
"What do you like?" Lily swoops in to save Sirius, who finds the way Remus
bites nervously at his bottom lip far more interesting than drink
recommendations.
"Chocolate," he says. "Maybe something cool, it's rather warm out today."
That Sirius can do, and he works on mixing up an iced mocha frap.
"So you must be Remus," Lily says. When Sirius peeks over at his face, he sees
a deep red blush spreading south down the neckline of his shirt.
"Lily," Sirius says sharply, pouring the drink into a cup.
"Well, you weren't going to introduce us," she snaps, and Sirius turns to face
them, smiling patronizingly.
"Remus," he says. "This is Lily. She's very pregnant and therefore likely to
bite your head off. Her interests include embarrassing me and chatting up
customers while I do all the work. Lily, this is Remus."
"Nice to meet you," Lily says, holding out a hand. "Don't worry, the only one I
have any interest in beheading is this doofus."
Sirius makes a face at Remus from behind Lily's back, and all apprehension
drains from his features. He smiles as he takes Lily's hand. "Nice to meet you
too," he says.
Sirius turns back to Remus' drink, adding a swirl of chocolate whipped cream
and chocolate syrup on top before sliding it across the counter to him. Lily
begins to ring him up, but Sirius tugs on her arm. "He doesn't even know if
he'll like it, Lil. This one's on the house."
"You don't have to do that," Remus says, already fumbling for his wallet.
"It's fine," Sirius insists. "Try it, see how it is."
Lily leans against the register. Sirius can feel the look she's giving him
boring into the side of his head. Remus' fingers shake as he opens his straw
wrapper, and once it's in, he takes a sip of his drink.
"It's really good," he says. There's an undertone of embarrassment beneath his
honesty. Sirius smiles at him like that compliment means the world to him. "Is
this chocolate whipped cream?"
"That it is," Sirius says, putting his hands up on the counter. "You like
chocolate?"
Something flares in Remus' eyes. He smiles slowly and cheekily. Sirius thinks
his stomach may be melting. "You could say that."
"The coffee's good, though?" Lily interrupts, causing Remus and Sirius to both
snap their heads around to face her.
"Yeah," Remus says after a moment.
"Right," Sirius says. "Brand new espresso machine."
"Freshly fixed this morning after my clumsy husband knocked it over in the
backroom," she says, glaring at Sirius.
"Oh-- you're--"
Sirius glances over at Lily's expression and then at Remus' paled face.
"Christ, no," he says quickly. "Not-- no. James. My best friend. What a klutz,"
he says uncomfortably, and Remus smiles a bit oddly at him as Lily laughs.
"Can you imagine," Lily starts, but Sirius cuts her off.
"That's really-- just quite enough. Anyway. Yes. He broke it and Lily came in
this morning and fixed it despite strict, straightforward instructions for no
physical labor of any kind."
"How was it broken?" Remus says, tilting his head. He looks almost like a
puppy. Sirius feels warm over every inch of his skin. Sweat lines his palms,
and his fingers twitch uneasily.
"The whole thing came apart," Lily says. "I don't even know how he managed it."
"But you can't just fix those," Remus says, watching curiously as Sirius raises
his eyebrows. "They're all specially made so they're pressurized or whatever."
"Lily Potter, you sneaky little liar," Sirius says with a grin as he turns to
look at her wide eyes and pink cheeks. "What did you do? Go out and buy another
one?"
"Well, it was broken," she says. "We need an espresso maker."
"I'm gonna tell James."
"Sirius Orion Black, don't you dare."
"Thank you," Sirius tells Remus. "I am indebted to you. One does not often get
the chance to one up the great Lily Potter."
Lily pushes behind him and shoves her way into the backroom, slamming the door
behind her.
"Is she crying?" Remus asks, eyebrows furrowed.
"Maybe. She'll be fine. It's me you've got to worry about, when she gets angry
again."
"Well, good luck," Remus says with a smile. "It'd be a shame if anything
happened to you, because then who would make me fancy coffee drinks with
chocolate whipped cream?"
"Probably some other less handsome barista at some much crappier coffee place."
"That'd just be a shame."
"Wouldn't it though? Anyway, I didn't expect to see you today, it's a
Saturday."
"I told you I'd be here."
"Don't you usually come on the way home from school?"
"Mmh," he says, looking down at his drink as he takes a long sip.
"Where do you go?"
"Secondary school down the road," he says quietly.
"You don't like it?" Sirius asks.
Remus looks into his cup for a long minute, swirling his straw around until
most of the whipped cream is dissolved into the coffee. Eventually, he peeks up
at Sirius with a shy smile. "Does anyone like school?"
"Well, I did, but of course I went to boarding school and when I came home that
was much worse, so."
"Don't like your family?" Remus asks, mouth quirking up at one corner.
"Hmm, but that's a story for another day," Sirius says. "Didn't anyone ever
tell you not to be nosy?"
Remus chokes on a laugh and reaches across the counter to shove his shoulder
playfully. "Least I can tell when I'm making someone uncomfortable."
"Yes, but you've got to learn to keep going," Sirius says with a smile. His
shoulder feels like it's on fire just where Remus' hand was, even through his
shirt.
"Wanker," Remus says, and then they smile at each other, both shy and eager,
and Sirius wants to do something to prevent Remus' inevitable exit, but the
moment to take action—to convince him to sit down so they can talk, to ask him
out, to kiss him (Sirius spares only one quick, fervent thought on that last
option)—passes, and Remus sighs and takes his drink.
"I better go," he says regretfully. "See you Monday?"
"Sure," Sirius says.
"Thanks for the coffee."
"Don't mention it."
Remus smiles again, and it's stupid, really, but Sirius feels like this is much
more than it is, mostly because it's not really much of anything, and Remus
murmurs another 'bye' before pushing the front door open and stepping into the
rare London sunshine.
Sirius watches his back pass by the front windows like a lovesick school girl
before deciding it'd probably be best if he goes and checks on Lily.
In the back, Lily is sitting cross legged on the floor with her phone in her
hands.
"You okay?" Sirius asks carefully, and she glances up at him, turning her head
to the side questioningly. "You, er, ran off before."
"Didn't you want to be alone with him?"
"Well, yeah but-- you weren't mad?"
"No," she says, turning her attention back to the screen of her iPhone. "I'm
fine. How'd it go?"
"He's so easy to talk to," Sirius says, sitting down on the cold ground across
from her. "It's like, it's like we just fell into this-- like we were friends
or something, you know?"
"Did you ask him out?"
Sirius rolls his eyes. "I've barely had a real conversation with the kid."
"Well, you can't just stare at each other and blush forever."
"I dunno, he's pretty cute when he blushes," Sirius says, hanging his head so
that his hair falls down and blocks his face from Lily. "I'm fucked."
"Sirius," Lily begins and ends, and then her small, warm hand slides over his
shoulder.
He pushes his hair out of his face and turns to smile at her. "I think it might
be creepy."
"What?"
"If I say something. How do I even know if he's gay?"
"Well, I know he likes men at least. I mean, it doesn't take a genius to look
at him and see that he's interested in you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Come on. I was standing out there for all of two minutes before I started to
feel like I was intruding."
Sirius is silent for a moment as he stares at her green eyes. She's always
mothering him, and he resented it at first, when she and James started going
out, but now he kind of relies on it. Her fingers rub gently into his shoulder
blade. "Really?"
"Yes," she says, laughing. "I've never seen you so insecure."
"Well. I like him."
"I know you do," Lily says, and she's got that smile that she gives Sirius; he
can easily picture Harry getting it, too, when the time comes for girl
problems. Or boy problems, he thinks, and grins at the idea of James blaming
him. "See, there you go," she says. "You look so nice when you smile. You
should do it more."
"Smiling isn't punk."
She shakes her head with a grin and pushes against the ground with the palms of
her hands for leverage in her attempts to stand up. Sirius watches with a grin.
"You're not that big yet," he says, and she shoots him a glare.
"It's my back," she says, and then she's finally up, and the puts her hands on
her hips and stands over him in a rather menacing way. "Get out there and
finish cleaning those windows."
"Yes, ma'am," he says, and he grabs the Windex.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Sirius hates grocery shopping. He hates wearing his studded leather jacket and
Docs and eyeliner among all of the moms with their little crying kids and their
old, stained sweatshirts and sweatpants and faded, creased sneakers. They all
look at him funny, like he's going to... he doesn't even know what they think.
He'll curse? Perform a satanic ritual and use their snot nosed brats as
sacrifices? It depends on the severity of the glare, he supposes.
In any case, when Lily had called him that morning and said that Harry had a
doctor's appointment and James was the only one in the store and so could he
please pick some stuff up for them at the grocery store, he had moaned and
groaned for almost a half an hour until Lily had told him that she had enough
to deal with with her own child as it was, and that he wasn't invited to come
over for dinner anymore if he wasn't willing to help out now and again, and
then he had no say in the matter, really, because he sure as hell wasn't going
to take Harry to the doctor's.
He really did need to go anyway. He's got a half empty bottle of mustard in the
back of his fridge that expired just over a year ago, and that's about that as
far as his kitchen goes. It's quite sad, really. He's beginning to get sick of
curry. He thinks he may have pushed it off a bit too long this time.
Lily's shopping list eases the harsh glares at the very least. He's got a cart
full of the things parents have, like fruit snacks and loaves of bread and
Lily's special diet granola bars. He must look like he's got a pretty wife and
lovely child waiting for him at home. He rather wants to tell everyone who
smiles at him that he's really the kid's big queen of an uncle.
Queen. Sirius snickers at himself. He really dates himself sometimes.
And he supposes grocery shopping isn't all that bad, really, because he almost
never gets any alone time, which makes him sound like an annoying housewife,
but whatever. He may have to learn how to tell when an apple is ripe but at
least he's not falling asleep on the counter in the coffee shop.
He's reached the end of the last aisle when he surveys his cart to make sure he
hasn't missed anything. It's rather funny, really, because he can see where the
things he's buying for himself end and where the things he's buying from Lily's
list begin. It just looks rather like he's spoiling his son, but the three
boxes of sugary cereals really are for him.
Another thing about going grocery shopping for Lily is that he has to borrow
one of the Potters' cars. He's only got his motorcycle, and he can't exactly
carry a family's worth of groceries home on that, so he's got to drive James'
car, which hasn't even got an audio jack that he can plug his iPod into, so he
has to listen to the radio, which usually ends up being dreadful enough that he
shuts that anyway. He's still stewing over all of this while he's pushing the
cart outside. A few feet out the door, he hears a tentative voice behind him,
"Sirius?"
Spinning around in surprise, Sirius finds two very familiar brown eyes staring
at him. "Remus," he says with a grin.
"Hey," Remus answers. He doesn't smile quite so easily, and he rather looks
like he's trying a bit too hard at the effort. "Sorry. I would've felt awkward
if I hadn't said 'hi.'"
"No, it's fine," he says, pulling his cart to the side so he's not blocking the
exit. "What are you doing out here?"
Remus gestures to the two grocery bags on the ground. "Doing some shopping for
my mother."
"Do you want a ride?" Remus looks on edge for a moment too long, and Sirius
adds, "Is everything okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"Do you smoke?" Remus gives him an odd look now, and he quickly adds, "I
thought maybe that's why you were out here."
"No," he says. "I'm not really all that interested in cigarettes. My parents
do. It smells awful."
Sirius leans against the wall next to him and then digs into his pocket and
produces an e-cigarette. "I agree," he says. "I used to be really bad into
them."
Remus eyes the device in his hand.
"Want to try it? It's chocolate flavored."
"Really, now," he says under his breath, and Sirius laughs warmly, handing it
to him.
"Just press the little button on the side," he says, and Remus puts it to his
mouth, and Sirius' skin crawls all over like he's 16 again at the idea that
Remus' mouth is where his has been, and god, he fancies a teenager but that
doesn't mean he is one, but when the smoke flares out of Remus' chapped lips in
thin, white wisps, he thinks he'll be wanking to that picture for weeks to
come.
"Are you sure you've never smoked?" he asks, nudging his arm into Remus'. "You
didn't cough."
"I didn't say I haven't. I said I don't."
Sirius wasn't really expecting a serious answer, so he takes it back silently
when Remus passes it, and he takes a long drag from it to give himself
something to do. He feels himself calm a bit almost instantly.
"Special K bars?" Remus asks suddenly, grinning at Sirius.
"Shut up," he says, smiling back. Lily's right; they do grin stupidly at each
other. "They're for Lily." Remus looks at him for a long moment, and he adds,
"We're not married," he insists with a laugh. "Apparently grocery shopping is
part of godfather duty."
"Are you religious?" he asks.
"Fuck no," Sirius says with a grin, and Remus laughs.
"So she has another kid?"
"Yeah. Harry. He's 9. They, um... wanted to be sure they were ready for the
next one, I think, which is why they waited so long in between."
Remus nods, and then it's quiet for a beat too long, which he finally
punctuates with a sigh. "Well. I guess-- what are you doing?" he asks, because
Sirius has begun to peek through his grocery bags.
"Seeing if you have anything that'll go bad if it sits in the car for a bit.
Want to go grab lunch?"
"I-- Right now?"
"Yeah, why not?"
Remus laughs shakily, scooping his bags up. "Why not," he answers
sarcastically. "Where's your car, then?"
Sirius feels slightly triumphant as he leads Remus to the car. "It's James and
Lily's car," he explains as they reach it. Lily picked it out, what with James'
irresponsibility and all. It's a silver Ford Focus that really does just look
like the kind of car an eleven year old would be dropped off at football
practice each morning in. "I would never own one of these things."
"Why, what do you have?" Remus asks. He opens the passenger seat door and puts
his bags on the floor of the car and then begins to help Sirius load the
Potters' groceries into the trunk.
"You haven't seen my bike?"
"That one that's always outside the coffee shop? I should've guessed that was
yours."
"Don't you dare say anything bad about my bike," Sirius teases, managing to
cram the last bag in without squishing the loaf of bread inside. "I love her."
Remus rolls his eyes and goes to put the cart away, leaving Sirius to consider
the idea of Remus behind him on the bike as they zip through the streets of
London, his thin arms tight around Sirius' stomach, and he scrambles into the
car and begins playing with the radio stations in an attempt to prevent himself
from getting hard over the fantasy. It's stupid, he realizes. Over the idea of
riding with a teenager on his bike. Although it is Remus, and he can easily
imagine those skinny thighs on either side of his and that firm, thin chest
pressed against his back and his mouth so close that he can feel his warm
breath on his neck...
The passenger side door opens again and Remus slides gracefully into the seat
and shuts the door. He pushes his mop of light brown hair out of his face and
smiles neatly. The kid's wearing oxfords and a suit jacket. Sirius feels his
heart thud dangerously in his chest.
"Alright?" Remus asks.
"Yep," Sirius says. The radio is still playing Lily's shit music. He starts the
engine. "So what do you feel like having?"
                                    ******
They end up going and getting fish and chips at some greasy diner. In the
several times Remus has come to the coffee shop during the week since they're
started talking, he's been feeling less and less like Remus is just a kid, but
eating oily french fries in a little diner makes him feel like they're both
just kids, and Sirius hasn't felt that way since Harry was born.
"Do you know if Lily is having a boy or a girl?" Remus asks as they wait for
the waitress to bring the check. Sirius hopes they're not in any particular
rush.
"Mh, not yet. I'm hoping for a girl, to be honest."
"Doesn't her husband get jealous?"
The very idea of Lily cheating on James with him is so funny that it takes
Sirius a moment to recover enough to answer a flustered Remus with a firm,
"No."
"Why? I mean, not to be nosy. You just talk about them like they're your own
children."
"Well, they practically are. As close as I'll ever get anyway."
"You've still got time. You're young."
"That's not the point."
Remus gives him an odd look, but they're interrupted when the waitress returns.
They split the check, and when Sirius protests with an offer to pay for Remus'
lunch, he just rolls his eyes with a small smile and says, "My mother's not
that bad, Sirius," but Sirius has the feeling he understands what he's saying a
bit too well.
"If she has a girl, you'll spoil her rotten," Remus adds, blushing, when Sirius
holds the door open for him. Sirius throws his head back to laugh.
"I'm not sure where we are," Remus says, stopping suddenly in front of the
passenger seat door.
"It's fine," Sirius says. "I'll drive you home."
"That's... thanks, but my mother would flip out."
"I could take you to the shop," Sirius offers, and Remus' lips turn up a bit.
"That would be great. Not to make you go there when you're not working."
"I already spend half my life there, what's another minute or two?"
Remus looks sheepish as he climbs into the car.
The drive is so comfortable, with the radio on low and the windows open. Sirius
glances over at Remus to find his eyes closed as he leans back against the
headrest, his adam's apple bobbing with each breath. It's nearly hypnotic.
Everything about this kid is so endearing to him.
"Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?" he tries again, pulling up
in front of the store. "You do have groceries to carry."
"It's fine," Remus answers. He smiles politely as he gathers up his bags and
unbuckles his seatbelt. "Thanks for the ride. And the distraction in general."
"No problem, I know what it's like to just need to get away for a few hours.
Besides, I had fun."
Remus grins at him almost expectantly for a few seconds. The moment seems to
pass, though, and he opens the car door and gets out with a quick, "See you!"
Sirius leans over the console in the middle to poke his head out the window.
"Coming by tomorrow afternoon?"
The confused smile Remus gives him makes him feel quite silly, but when he
answers with an, "Of course. I'll see you then." and begins to turn back
around, Sirius figures it's worth it.
                                    ******
Sirius tiptoes into the house with his three oversized grocery bags. The house
smells like freshly cooked pasta of some kind, and Lily is lying on the couch
with her eyes closed as if she's tired herself out cooking, and if he moves
slowly and quietly enough, perhaps she won't wake up, because when she wakes
up, there'll be questions and god, does it feel like she's his mother
sometimes. Instead, one of the bags makes a deathly loud crinkling noise. He
freezes right where he stands.
"Grocery store must have been crowded," she says sleepily.
"God, it was," he answers. "Since you're up, help me put this stuff away?"
One green eye opens and looks at him. He smiles hopefully.
"Where'd you go?" she asks, sitting up as she rubs her eyes. Her stomach is
getting so big these days.
"To the grocery store," he says slowly. "See, I got your special K bars and
Harry's Choco Snaps."
"Where else?" she asks, taking one of the bags.
"You're not supposed to be carrying things," he says absently. "I had lunch
with Remus."
"Remus," she says idly as she puts the bag down and begins to root through it.
"Yes, Remus. I found him looking quite dejected outside the grocery store and
took pity."
"Is he alright?" she asks, beginning to put the frozen things away in the
freezer.
"He's fine. We got fish and chips."
"Was it like a date?"
"No, it was not like a date," he says, taking the box of cereal out of her
hands and stretching to put it on top of the pantry. "He didn't feel like going
home so I took him out to lunch."
"Did you pay?
"It was not a date," he insists, grabbing the next bag. Lily is leaning against
the pantry door as if she's done helping, which she should be, given her state.
"Okay, alright. I'm worried about you."
"I'm a big boy, Lily," he answers in a monotone, stepping around her to put a
box of pasta away. She really does mother him sometimes, and though it is
occasionally comforting and welcome, it's often quite annoying and intrusive.
"I know, I just don't want you getting really into him and then he's not...
interested, for whatever reason."
"Just a friendly lunch. He's fun to spend time with."
"Alright," she says. "Go wake Harry up so he can come have dinner. I'm sure
you've already spoiled your appetite," she adds, peering up at him through her
eyelashes, and she looks so scornfully serious and he has to laugh as he rounds
the corner to go wake his favorite godson.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Sirius is stuck with a double on Monday. Lily had some sort of baby doctor
appointment in the morning, and then her and James were planning to go shopping
for more baby stuff. Lily would snapchat him about every blanket or pillow or
poster they bought for the baby's room, and he really did try to seem like he
didn't care, but he kind of wished he could be there. It wasn't even that he
wanted to be a father, because he wasn't ready for that. He didn't have the
slightest idea how to raise a kid. He knew about the diaper stuff and the
feeding stuff and how to make it stop crying, but raising a kid was something
else. It was more just that he was excited. He thinks of the baby Lily's been
carrying as a new addition to their family—a "their" that includes himself. And
that's kind of how they function, as a whole family together, and most of the
time it is seamless, but sometimes, like when Lily and James and Harry discuss
the new baby, Sirius can feel where he's been grafted on.
 
Still. He loves the options that Lily sends him on snapchat. He loves the pink
baby blankets. He loves that they may be getting a little baby girl. Tiredly
so, he loves how sweet and beautiful and new things feel, and his feet are sore
from standing all day, and he has a vivid memory of James crying into his
shoulder 9 years ago in Lily's hospital room after waiting out her long 12 hour
labor, and he wants a nap but he also wants to be right there again.
 
He's managed to keep himself awake all morning only with the thought of Remus'
arrival that afternoon.
 
He gets, as silly as it is, pretty excited when he sees kids with backpacks
beginning to walk by the front windows. The store's been empty all day, just
him and the pretty way the sun filters through the windows in the morning, and
after the morning rush, maybe one or two customers.
 
When the bell above the door jingles in time with the wavering of sunlight, a
chocolate frappuccino is already sitting on the counter, chocolate whipped
cream and all.
 
"Hey," Remus says with a smile.
 
"Hey," Sirius answers, and he feels kind of goofy, like his skin is too tight,
kind of awkward, and he recalls the feeling vividly from when he had a crush on
his history teacher back in eleventh grade. He has not missed it.
 
"Did you really make my drink before I even got here?"
 
"Nah," he answers, grabbing the cup. "This is mine."
 
Remus tilts his head with an odd smile. Sirius' heart thuds.
 
"I'm kidding," he says, sliding it back over. "Of course."
 
"I didn't realize you wanted me out of here that fast," Remus says, smiling.
"I'd just go to Starbucks instead."
 
"That's not funny," Sirius says, but it is, and he laughs. "I need you here to
break the monotony."
 
"We get lunch one time and suddenly it's my job to babysit you every
afternoon," Remus jokes, the corners of his mouth curving up as he pushes the
whipped cream around with a straw.
 
"You can leave if you want," Sirius says, and he's kind of joking, but he's
kind of also not. One thing he has noticed is that Remus is not big on eye
contact, and that makes it really hard to know what he's thinking a lot of the
time. Now he gets a peek into Remus' big golden eyes, though, and they look
very sincere. Sincere and gorgeous and positively shining in the autumn
sunlight.
 
"I'm just kidding, you dork. I don't just go out and get lunch with people I
don't want to spend time with."
 
Sirius' brain is echoing those words, people I want to spend time with, but he
laughs anyway. "I'm not a dork. I'm punk."
 
"Really? Because last time I saw you, you were buying protein shakes."
 
Sirius shakes his head with a smile. Remus' demure sense of humor makes Sirius'
head feel all hazy; nothing turns him on like sharp witted banter. Remus,
however, is just looking down at his cup at he licks chocolate whipped cream
off of the end of the straw. "Now, would I be caught dead drinking protein
shakes?" he replies.
 
Remus glances up at him. The left corner of his mouth is curled up just
slightly, teasingly so. "What," he asks coyly, "are strawberry Special K
protein shakes not punk?"
 
"They were strawberry banana," Sirius tells him with a grin. "And they're
Lily's, and Lily's not allowed to be punk now; she's pregnant."
 
"Being pregnant is punk. She's got a baby inside of her."
 
Sirius snorts and then laughs, and Remus is laughing along with him, if not
just because he actually snorted, and Sirius notices how gorgeous Remus is when
he laughs, his eyes crinkling at the corners, his imperfect white teeth
flashing and the golden sound of his happiness, and then it's not so much funny
anymore as it is alluring.
 
"She was sending me pictures of baby blankets this morning," Sirius tells him,
eager to get away from his own thoughts. "Her and James went shopping. They're
going out to dinner tonight, them and Harry, but I have to stay here because
someone needs to be here and we don't have any part timers."
 
"Well," Remus reasons softly, "Don't you think that they need some family time
sometimes?"
 
Sirius recoils instinctively, stomach filling with hot pain, and he can see the
apology spring to the front of Remus' eyes. "It's not-- you don't get it. It's
not like they don't want me there. I'm always there because I'm always invited.
They are my family."
 
Remus looks unsure. Sirius can feel old wounds opening at the seams, and that's
not something he really wants to let happen, not when it'd be fermenting all
night, alone in the shop. "I didn't mean to upset you," Remus says.
 
"It's okay," Sirius says, leaning forward so that his forearms are folded
across the counter. "How's your drink?"
 
"Oh right," Remus says, reaching for his wallet, but Sirius swats a hand
through the air.
 
"Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?" Remus asks. "I mean I'm not coming here just to be nosy and
weasel free drinks out of you."
 
"I know that," Sirius says with a fond smile. "Were things okay when you got
home yesterday?"
 
"Um." Remus rubs nervously at the bridge of his nose and studiously avoids eye
contact. "Yeah. I mean. Yeah. It's not."
 
"Remus," he says, "I had a lot of problems with my family when I was younger,
so if you ever need help with... you know, with anything. I'm here."
 
Remus gives him a long calculating look and then says, very politely, "I'm
fine, but thank you."
 
"But if you ever do."
 
"Thank you," Remus repeats firmly.
 
"I mean, there are-- well, there are ways to get through it. Or to get out, if
you need to. Do you maybe have a friend you could go to?"
 
Remus looks almost pained. Sirius knows the panic in his eyes well. He can
vividly remember Mrs. Potter sitting him down and asking him these kinds of
questions and him feeling like an animal caught in a trap, and now he feels
guilty, but he's just worried. He doesn't want Remus to remind him of his own
teenage years, not for either of them. "Well. No. But I don't need to. I'm
fine."
 
"Okay," Sirius says. "Sorry to push."
 
"I-- it's okay. It's just not anything."
 
Sirius doesn't believe him one bit, and he's pretty sure Remus knows that, but
he doesn't say anything else on the matter. "We should do stuff more often,"
Sirius says. "Like yesterday."
 
"I. Thanks, Sirius, really, but I don't need to be babysat." Remus remarks
bitterly, looking down into the remains of his drink.
 
"I didn't mean that," Sirius tells him honestly and gently, seeking for the eye
contact that Remus seems so desperate to avoid. “I just genuinely want to spend
time with you.”
 
Remus peeks up at him from under his eyelids. He'd been focusing on a coffee
stain on the counter, but now he looks up to meet Sirius' eyes for a moment.
"Well. I'm not your problem, is all."
 
"I know that," Sirius says, nudging his hand into Remus' on the counter top.
"Is it really that odd that I just think you're interesting and want to get to
know you?"
 
Remus shrugs a little bit, and Sirius laughs. "You are," he insists. "I mean
your name is Remus Lupin and you've got a shirt with werewolves on it, for
God's sake. Who wouldn't find that interesting?"
 
Remus is smiling now, at least, and he rolls his eyes and then takes a sip of
his coffee to hide his grin. "So it's just my ironic sense of humor you're
keeping me around for."
 
"Hey, every coffee shop needs a resident hipster."
 
Remus' eyes shoots upward to meet Sirius'. They're eyes are wide and he has an
affronted look on his face, like he's just been insulted. "I am not a hipster."
 
"Oh, yes, you are. You've got chukkas, Remus. You stop at an independent coffee
shop every day."
 
"Ridiculous," Remus says, shaking his head. He looks back down at his drink.
His hair's just the right length to hang in front of his eyes when he does
that.
 
"I thought you were doing it on purpose," he says. "I thought you were, you
know, going for the look."
 
"No, not really," Remus says, looking up at him again. "Definitely not like
you're going for the punk look."
 
"I'm not just going for it. I'm the entire punk movement personified."
 
Remus scoffs a little bit and then takes another sip of his coffee. "Docs don't
make you punk personified."
 
"Coming from someone who thinks that chukkas don't make him hipster."
 
"It's true," Remus insists. He checks his phone then, and sighs a little bit
and then stands up straighter. "I should-- I should go. Thanks for the coffee,
though."
 
"Of course. See you."
 
Remus smiles kind of awkwardly at him, all nervous and too wide, and tosses his
cup in the garbage on the way out.
 
The shop feels kind of empty once he's gone. Sirius checks his phone, but Lily
hasn't replied to his last snapchat. He sighs, slouches down to fold his arms
on the counter, and watches the flow of people move past the front windows.
                                    ******

Lily doesn't contact Sirius again until 7. They must've gotten home from the
restaurant already when his phone vibrates, and his head snaps up from its
place against the counter top.
 
"What's up, fatty?"
 
"You're so lucky James and I don't have many other friends to make godfather,"
she says, but she doesn't really sound exasperated, so Sirius figures she's not
truly offended. "How's your guy doing? Did you see him?"
 
"He's not mine," Sirius says, looking out over the few people left eating
coffee cakes with their late night decaf. "And he's okay, I think."
 
"That's good. James seems to think it's some kind of joke or something. I don't
think he knows about your date the other day."
 
"It wasn't a date, mom," Sirius insists. He drops his head back down to the
counter. When he's got it picked up, everything looks kinda like those scenes
in horror movies where someone wakes up from a coma and everything is
impossibly bright, and the light is even more painful to look at than the dark.
 
"I know, love. Anyway, we ended up buying paint for the baby's room."
 
"Did you?"
 
"Yeah," she says. "We got this lovely pale green color. I thought you might be
able to help me paint one weekend while James stays at the shop."
 
"What's your angle?" Sirius asks right away, and she laughs. She's always got
this laugh-- it's like wind chimes in those strong gusts you get at the
beginning of spring. Sirius can't even count the number of times it's held all
of them together. It's kind of comforting, just hearing it, and the corners of
his mouth pick up.
 
"James is useless with this stuff, he always goofs around too much."
 
"So you need someone more serious."
 
The line is silent for a long, long moment. Sirius pulls the phone back to see
if she's hung up. She hasn't. "Next Saturday, Padfoot," she says dryly.
 
"Aye aye."
 
Lily sighs long sufferingly. Sirius grins into the cold marble counter. "I'll
see you tomorrow," she says. "Drive home safe."
 
"Of course, my dear. See you."
 
He hangs up and opens up a few of the photos she sent him: the ones she wanted
him to keep to look over. It's mostly just color swatches she asked him to
consider, but there are also baby blankets and stuffed animals, with captions
like, the panda or the polar bear? and Sirius marvels at the planning that goes
into this all. There's rooms to be painted and cribs to be assembled and
designs to be planned, and they're not 19 this time, and the whole thing is so
well organized. He wonders if it'll be different at all. Harry was probably the
most loved child in the world growing up, but he had Mr. and Mrs. Potter as
well as the three of them. His parents may not have been settled yet, but they
gave him every ounce of everything they had in them, and Sirius remembers the
genuine love that went into figuring it out and making do. This new child is
being born into domestic bliss, with pancakes every Sunday morning and
financial security, and Sirius isn't sure what bit of it he's scared of: that
this is what they are now, painting rooms for babies and being indecisive about
prints on blankets, or that that's what Lily and James are, and he is most
distinctly not.
 
Chapter End Notes
     Hey! So I know it seemed like this story was cancelled but I got the
     itch to start working on it again, so here we are. Hopefully
     someone's still interested in reading?
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Remus dropping in every day around 3 in the afternoon becomes routine. He'll
come in and lean on the counter and try to pay for his drink and avoid eye
contact and smile shyly and happily and Sirius will memorize the quirk of the
corners of his lips. He'll talk to Sirius about anything and everything for a
while before looking guiltily at the time on his phone and tripping over
himself to get out the door, although the time he sticks around for has been
increasing day by day-- along with other things that tell Sirius he is warming
up to him, like the amount of eye contact he's willing to make or the amount of
genuinely shy but funny comments or jokes he makes.
 
"Ow," he says, turning quickly to catch Lily's fingers still hovering in the
air. He reaches around to rub his scalp and narrows his eyes at her, a smile
playing at the corner of his lips. "We're not in first grade anymore, Lils, if
you like me you should just tell me."
 
"I'd really just rather you, you know, stop staring despondently out the
window."
 
Sirius rolls his eyes and leans back against the counter. The store is empty,
as it usually is at this time of afternoon, and it's been sunny and lazy all
day. Lily leans back against the opposite counter and crosses her arms.
 
"If I'd have given you this hard of a time," Sirius tells her, "about James
when you two started going out, you would have just given up."
 
"I didn't mope about constantly like a lost puppy when I started liking James."
 
"I do not," Sirius says. "I just like when he's here. He's interesting and I
spend like, most of my life alone here."
 
"My god, you're too young to be having a midlife crisis."
 
Sirius laughs and Lily just smirks a little bit, lying a hand over her stomach.
"Why is it such a big deal that I have a friend?"
 
"Because you likeee him," Lily says, pitching forward to lean on his shoulder.
"And I think you should do something before it goes too far because he might
not be interested."
 
"Thanks for worrying about me, Mom," Sirius answers, hooking an arm around her
back. "But I can take care of myself."
 
"Can you? Because you still practically live at our house. I think you'd be
dead without me."
 
"I'm dying with you," Sirius says, laughing into the top of her head. The bell
above the door rings just as Lily buries her head into his neck.
 
"Are you sure I'm not interrupting anything?" Remus asks, and Sirius
practically throws Lily out of his arms when he turns around.
 
"I am pregnant," she complains.
 
Remus laughs as he walks up to the counter. "I can't stay for long, but I pass
by on the way home anyway, so..."
 
"I would've worried if you hadn't come at all," Sirius says.
 
Lily grins. "What would he do without you until Monday?"
 
"Die of boredom, I assume," Remus says, leaning on the counter. "But I have a
thing. I have to," he glances at his phone screen quickly, "yeah. So."
 
"Well, maybe we can do something later or this weekend," Sirius says.
 
"Sure."
 
"Give me your number and we'll figure something out later," Sirius says,
getting his phone out. Remus reads off his number with a nervous smile and
Sirius types it in and then makes him check it again, just to be sure, and Lily
laughs softly and slips behind him to go into the back room. "Should I give you
the moon emoji?" Sirius asks.
 
Remus laughs, straightening up and adjusting his backpack strap. "No wolf
emoji?"
 
"Unfortunately not," Sirius says with a grin.
 
"Guess it'll have to do then," Remus answers. "See you, hopefully this
weekend."
 
"See you," Sirius calls back, and then Remus is back out on the sidewalk and
gone again.
 
Sirius gives him just enough time to walk out of his line of sight before
calling. His heart bubbles anxiously, stupidly, as the phone rings in his ear.
 
"Hello?” Remus answers, his voice soft and friendly into the receiver. Sirius
wants to learn every tone of Remus' voice; he wants to learn what he sounds
like when he's feeling every different emotion under the sun, when he's in
every situation possible; he wants to know Remus like the back of his hand. He
soaks it all up like a sponge and what he doesn't know still keeps him up at
night, pondering the possibilities.
 
"I believe I forgot to give you my number as well."
 
"Well, I have it now," Remus says, laughing quietly. Everything he does is
always so quiet, Sirius thinks, tracing a pattern in the marble counter top.
Like he's trying to stow himself out of the way. He wonders if it's a coping
mechanism: make yourself small and silent and insignificant and no one will
notice you, no one will hurt you. He played his cards a very different way all
those years ago.
 
"Will you be home by tonight?"
 
"How far away do you think I live?" Remus cracks.
 
Sirius grins despite himself. "Will your thing be over?" he tries again.
 
"Should be. What's up?"
 
"That sounds great. Perhaps you'd like to join me at that restaurant we went to
last weekend."
 
"That sounds delightful, Sirius."
 
Sirius snickers, and he can hear the smile in Remus' voice: the high tone, the
bouncing rhythm. He loves to make Remus happy; to be the one that brings a
smile to Remus' face. He knows firsthand how important that is; James spent
years playing that role for him. Being able to do it for Sirius fills a small
hole in his heart that he hadn't known was there. "Shall I arrive at 8 to
escort you?"
 
"But of course."
 
"I'll see you then, my dear. May the moments until pass quickly now."
 
Remus laughs very suddenly now, as if surprised, and Sirius has to hold the
phone away from his face to save his eardrum. It feels wonderful to hear the
unusually loud sound, he thinks, smiling absently as he watches the sun set
over the building tops out the front window. "Too far. Jesus. You better not
show up in a horse drawn carriage or anything."
 
"Why, Remus, you've already met my trusty steed."
 
"Oh, fuck."
 
Sirius grins. He wishes Remus had been there in person. He's never seen Remus
curse before, really, and he wants to be able to see him forming the word, the
expression on his face... But he's sure that time will come one way or another.
"You'll be fine. Go do your thing."
 
"Right. My thing,” he repeats, sighing. “I'll see you later, Sirius."
 
"See you."
 
Lily comes out almost immediately once he puts his phone on the counter, a sure
sign that she was listening, and waddles over to him, one hand resting
protectively on her bump.
 
"Who were you on the phone with?" she asks, looking up at him innocently
through big green eyes.
 
"You think that you're much sneakier than you really are, you know that,
honey?"
 
She wrinkles her nose up at the pet name, but otherwise goes back to making a
fresh pot of coffee. "You're taking him out to dinner then?"
 
"Yep. Well, not taking him out. We're just going. Together."
 
"That's a date."
 
"It is definitely not a date, Lily," he answers, poking her in the side as he
walks past to grab a rag to wipe down the counter.
 
"Mh, but he'll be pressed all close to you on your bike, with his arms around
you..."
 
"It's just a good thing he'll be behind me," Sirius jokes, spraying the counter
down.
 
"How long has it been for you, anyway?" she asks. Sirius feels something hit
his shoulder. He glances behind him to see her bending down to pick up the
twist tie she threw.
 
"I think you should mind your own business, love. Look what sex did for you.
And no bending over like that, Christ.
 
"It's fine. And I swear to you, you won't get pregnant, Sirius."
 
"Funny."
 
"And you won't get Remus pregnant either."
 
"You've gotta slow down, Lils," Sirius says, putting the bottle of spray back
beneath the counter. "I'm going out for dinner with him tonight. I'm not
fucking him."
 
"So you're a bottom?"
 
Sirius decides to sit in the back alone for the last half hour of his shift,
but not before tossing his wet rag at Lily's face.
 
                                    ******

At 7:30, Sirius gets a text from Remus that reads, meet you at the coffee shop?
only my mom would freak out if she saw me get on a motorbike.
 
So Sirius agrees and when he pulls up outside at 7:55, Remus is standing there,
huddled up in a zipped hoodie and his skinny jeans and Sperry's. He's kind of
cute, Sirius thinks yet again, squinting at him in the dark. Even if his nose
is a little big. But even that is adorably so. Sirius' whole body feels like
mush.
 
"Hey," Remus says finally.
 
"Hey," Sirius says, taking off his helmet. He tosses it to Remus, who quickly
catches it and looks at him quizzically. "Put it on. We won't crash, but I
thought you'd feel more safe. I usually don't wear it."
 
Remus nods and fits it on over his mop of light brown hair. "You should."
 
"Wear one? That's not very punk," he answers, grinning. "Get on behind me," he
instructs, although Remus already is, stepping over the seat. "You're probably
gonna want to squish close and put your arms around me."
 
"Are you coming on to me?" he asks, but he does as Sirius says, pressing his
chest to Sirius' back.
 
"You wish. Ready?" Sirius asks, revving the engine, and Remus sucks in a sharp
breath. "Sounds like a yes," Sirius says.
 
Sirius feels at peace as soon as the wind hits his face. Riding his bike at
night is usually pretty cold, but Remus is pressed tight against his bike,
keeping him warm, and the roads are pretty empty this late on a weeknight, so
they've got the whole long black road to themselves. He can feel Remus' warm
breath on his neck every time he exhales. When they finally hit a red light,
the roar of the motorcycle is quiet enough for Remus to ask Sirius a question
over the noise: "How was your day at the shop?"
 
"Lonely," Sirius answers, mostly jokingly, and Remus looks at him with a
serious face, and Sirius could swear to God Remus' eyes just flicked down to
his lips--
 
And then a horn blares from behind them, and Sirius quickly turns his head back
around and zips down the road.
 
The restaurant itself is only a few minutes away, and Sirius pulls into the
parking lot all too soon. When he stops the bike, he stays there for a minute,
waiting for Remus' lingering arms to move, and he feels so warm and comfortable
before Remus finally begins to stand up.
 
They walk in comfortable silence to the doors of the building, elbows just
barely brushing. Sirius holds the door open behind him and Remus steps through
with a shy smile. They wait quietly, exchanging glances, as they wait for the
hostess to lead them to a table. Remus is picking quietly at the cuticle of his
fingernail, and Sirius watches him passively.
 
"Hey!" the hostess finally greets them, grabbing a couple of menus, "Two? Booth
or no?”
 
“Please,” Sirius requests with a kind smile, and she leads them to their seats
without another word.
 
They make eye contact again once they're seated at their table. Sirius clears
his throat, and Remus still just looks at him a little oddly.
 
"Why does this feel awkward?" Sirius asks, laughing as he grabs a menu.
 
"Sorry,” Remus answers with a sheepish grin, reaching for the other menu. “I've
been feeling off all day. Weird afternoon.”
 
“Hmm. You okay?” Sirus asks, looking over his menu at Remus with a raised
eyebrow.
 
"Of course. Yeah. So. How's Lily? How's the baby?"
 
"Good, I guess. God, they make me feel old, though."
 
"How old are you, anyway?" Remus asks, glancing up from his menu.
 
"27," Sirius says carefully, watching for a change in Remus' expression. His
brow crinkles a bit and he looks down, inspecting a photograph printed on the
menu.
 
"That's not that old," Remus responds eventually.
 
"Uh-huh. They have a kid in primary school and I'm like, part owner of a coffee
shop and godfather/babysitter of their kid."
 
"27 isn't that old," Remus repeats. "It's not like it's too late to meet
someone and have kids."
 
Sirius makes a dismissive noise, so Remus drops it, and instead they both
quietly flip through the menus. The waitress finds her way back over a moment
later to ask for their drink orders, and Sirius lifts his head with a polite
smile.
 
"We'll just have two beers," he says, and the waitress opens her mouth to ask
for I.D. when Remus interrupts to say,
 
"Sirius, I'm underage."
 
And he'd kind of figured, but he'd also been holding onto the hope that Remus
was in his last year and had turned 18, but he smiles politely and says, "Well,
two sodas then."
 
"You can still get--"
 
"It's fine. What kind do you want?"
 
"Coke is fine--"
 
"Two cokes," Sirius tells the waitress, and she scribbles it back down and
excuses herself to go get them.
 
"I'm sorry. I thought you knew."
 
"I wasn't sure," Sirius says. "But it's no big deal. So how was your thing?
Besides your weird afternoon."
 
Remus rolls his eyes. "Awful. My mom wanted me to go to the doctor with her,
and I just. It's hard to be around her."
 
"I'm sorry," Sirius says. "I. Well. My mother always wanted me around just
about as much as I wanted to be there."
 
"There are plenty of things I could tell her that would make her not want me
around, but I don't. You know. I don't have a James, so."
 
"Like what?" Sirius asks with a coy smile.
 
"Ah, look, there are our drinks," Remus says, and Sirius laughs softly as he
turns back to the menu.
 
                                    ******

"We should do stuff more," Remus says, watching the ground in between them. The
ride back from the restaurant was lovely; Sirius loves riding his bike at
night, racing between the glow of streetlights, and he often does it alone, but
it's better with a passenger. Especially one as attractive as Remus, clinging
to his back and breathing against his neck as he was. He stomach tingles just
thinking about it and he shifts his legs and tries to think about something
else.
 
"Yeah," Sirius agrees. "You never hang around for long enough."
 
Remus smiles, small and almost unnoticeable, as he peeks up at Sirius from
under his fringe of golden brown hair. His eyes are so wide. Sirius catches
himself wishing he saw more of them. "You're working when I come."
 
"Yeah, but no one else ever comes in."
 
Remus laughs, glances up at the windows of the dark coffee shop, and then over
his shoulder. "I should go," he says. "Thanks for. You know. Taking me there.
The distraction. The near death experience. Etcetera."
 
"Of course, Remus. I'll see you around," he says, and Remus smiles stupidly at
him for a moment, and he thinks about how completely insane it would be for him
to just step forward and wrap his fingers around the sleeve of Remus' hoodie
and pull him in for a kiss. His lips are parted just a bit, and the air
escaping them fogs as it leaves. He can imagine how warm his chapped lips would
be, how quiet it is here on the empty street in front of the closed stores...
 
But Remus steps back. "Monday, then," he says with a smile, and Sirius can't
even nod before Remus has turned around and is walking off into the dusky
distance.
 
 
Chapter End Notes
     This one was short so I figured I'd update quickly. Also I guess I
     should be updating quickly anyway since it's been like over a year
     since the last time haha
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"You can't just keep taking him out to dinner at the same place," Lily says
over the dinner table a few nights later. "He's gonna get bored eventually. You
should take him out bowling. Or you guys could go to the movies or something."


"Those are date places."


"So are restaurants," Lily says, narrowing her eyes at him.


"Bowling isn't a date place," Harry says, tilting his head in confusion.
"You've taken me bowling."


Sirius grins. "Eat your broccoli, love. And don't hold your breath for that
date; you're a little bit young for me."


Harry smiles and pushes the piece of broccoli around hesitantly for a moment,
then takes a heaping forkful of mashed potatoes.


"And Remus isn't?" James asks without looking up from his plate.


Sirius doesn't say anything. He’s getting sick of James’ snide remarks, but,
instead of making a scene in front of Harry, opts instead to take a long gulp
of wine. "This is good, Lily. Where'd you buy it?"


"Oh, that little liquor store in the parking lot next to the grocery store, you
know the one? It wasn't too expensive either."


Sirius nods. "I'm usually not a red wine person, but this is good."


"Padfoot?" Harry asks timidly.


"Hmm?"


"Can I try it?"


"Just a sip," he says before Lily can answer, and he glances up at her
disapproving look as he passes Harry the glass.


"Ew!" Harry says as he hands it back. "That's awful, why would you drink that?"


"When you grow up, your taste buds start to die," Sirius tells him, "And you
stop noticing that all of the gross things taste so bad."


Harry laughs and Sirius takes the glass back and takes another sip, and really,
he'd rather have a beer, but wine is the adult thing to drink at dinner, he
supposes, and he turned into an adult at some point without noticing, so now
this is the thing to do.


"Oh!" Lily says suddenly. "The baby's kicking again. It's been doing this all
day."


"Let me feel," James says. He seems to instantly become ecstatic, finally
looking up. He leans over, palm open on Lily's stomach, and his eyes light up
with pure joy. Sirius swishes the wine around in his glass as he watches them;
Lily adjusts James' hand and James makes a soft gasping noise.


"I don't understand what the big deal is," Harry says.


  Sirius laughs and says, "Me either," but he'd really like to ask Lily if he
can feel it too. There’s something absolutely magical about this moment, about
witnessing first-hand the tiny little     life    growing inside of one of his
oldest friends, his new family member, but at the same time it’s not his
magical moment; it’s James’. They look so    happy    , with James cooing over
her stomach and Lily cooing back at him.


"All they talk about is the new baby," Harry says.


"Are you jealous?" Sirius asks. Harry eyes his cup of soda and says nothing, so
Sirius continues, "They're just excited about having a new baby. They're not
going to care about you any less after the baby's born, love."


"It's just different," Harry mumbles. James now has his ear pressed to Lily's
stomach, mouth breaking open into a wide, radiant grin.


"When you were tiny, you were all they ever talked about. We were still young,
and it used to drive me mad. They were trying not to turn into this," Sirius
says, gesturing at the two of them now, "And though they were utterly failing,
Lily would tell James to go out some nights like normal, and they'd switch off,
and you'd think things could've been somewhat normal-- but they were smitten
with you, kid. We'd be trying to have a pint and all James could talk about was
how little your feet were or how cute your nose was or what noises you made
that day. And we'd have to go back home so he could see you, because he'd miss
you too much after a couple hours."


"But they're not like that anymore."


"Mmh, well, your nose didn't quite age gracefully, so..."


Harry laughs despite himself, and Sirius grins and leans over to kiss him on
the forehead. This child has been so much of his life, and his heart swells
with his own joy every time he sees him happy; he gave up his youth for Harry's
happiness, and every time the boy smiles he can’t imagine ever feeling an ounce
of remorse over his decision.


"I'm not 5 years old anymore," Harry complains, but Sirius wishes he was. He
wants him to stay young forever. Time seems to fly by lately. But he’s right;
he’s getting to be so big.


Sirius smiles to himself as he begins to stand up. "I haven't forgotten how big
you are, you and your freaky nose. What do you say we go see a movie, huh?
Anything you've been wanting to see? Not a date, mind."


"I dunno. We have to ask mom and dad if I can go," Harry reminds him, wrinkling
his eyebrows up at the complication.


"Forget that," Sirius says, snatching Harry up out of his chair. "I'm
kidnapping you."


"Padfoot! Put me down!" he says, laughing, as Sirius carries him towards the
front door. His laugh tingles through the house. It’s like a tiny version of
Lily’s, still working through its cultivation. He can imagine it enchanting
someone special someday the way it enchants him now.


"Sirius," Lily calls in a warning tone. "At least let him put his shoes on!"


Sirius stops to scoop them up off the ground on his way out the front door.
 
                                    ******


Sirius gets to sleep in Monday morning, which is practically a miracle
considering his recent schedule. Harry had slept over his house, so Lily came
to get him early in the morning, but Sirius managed to fall back asleep after
that, so he ends up both behind the counter at the coffee shop mid afternoon
and well rested.


The flow of customers has been a slow trickle since he came in at around one,
and two hours later, he's still only served a handful of people. He leans
slumped against the counter, watching the sidewalk outside.


He remembers the cool breeze from several nights before, the look in Remus'
eyes, and the feeling of Remus on the bike behind him, and now he wonders where
he is, because usually he comes at around 2:30, and it's already 3:00, but the
sidewalk outside is barren. He's the only one in the shop now that James left
around 1, and he's just been staring out the window and listening to the slow
drip of the coffee maker for two hours now.


Thus it surprises him when Remus Lupin flies by the window in a blur, looking
frantic, at around 3:15 with another person following close behind him. The
bell above the door jingles violently as Remus rushes inside, chased by the
figure hastily tailing him.


"Remus, you can't keep avoiding me forever, you're going to have to talk to me
about our date--"


  "Hi," Remus says urgently, and Sirius can see the fear in his eyes:    you
told me to come to you if I needed help, here I am, I need help.


"Hi," Sirius says, squinting at Remus’ aggressive admirer.


  "Excuse me," the pushy kid says to Sirius without looking at him. "Remus,
it's been two weeks now. We're going out again    tonight    ."


Remus shoots him a desperate, pleading look. Sirius quickly steps around the
counter and sizes the kid up. "Excuse me, who are you?"


  "What's it to you?" he says, narrowing his brown eyes at Sirius. "Who     are
you     ?"


"I would be his boyfriend," Sirius says, wrapping an arm around Remus'
shoulders. He raises an eyebrow at the kid, who turns a little red. Remus
himself looks startled, glancing at Sirius for some kind of confirmation.
Sirius rubs his fingers into his shoulder comfortingly.


"How old are you, anyway?" the kid asks.


"Hmm, old enough to know that one botched date does not allow you to stalk
someone two weeks after the fact."


"Bullshit. You're not-- Remus doesn't have a boyfriend."


Sirius raises his eyebrows, and when the kid doesn't back down, he calmly pulls
Remus in close and kisses him. Remus freezes at first, and then, after much
coaxing, winds an arm around Sirius' waist and leans into the kiss. Sirius
makes a small, dramatic, contented noise. They hear the bells above the shop
door jingle seconds later.


"Well," Sirius says, quickly distancing himself.


"Oh god," Remus begins. His fave is very pale, his golden eyes wide. Sirius
hurries behind the counter to grab him a drink. "I didn't. You didn't have to-
- I didn't mean to bring him here, even, but I couldn't go home, and--"


"It's perfectly fine, Remus. I'd rather you came here than let him force you
into anything," he says. "Water?"


  Remus takes it, dazed, and furrows his eyebrows as he takes a sip obediently.
"But I-- I mean, you didn't have to    kiss me    . I'm sorry."


"It wasn't exactly a burden," Sirius says, leaning over the counter with a wide
smile. The color returns to Remus' face with astounding speed. Sirius laughs at
the wide, doe-like look in his eyes and the small unconscious gap between his
lips. "Close your mouth, you'll catch flies like that."


"Are you gay?"


  "You know what I admire about you, Remus Lupin?” Sirius asks, grinning
teasingly. “You've got    tact    . That's not easy to find in a man. I really
like that."


Remus blushes even deeper now. His whole face is consumed in heat. "I'm sorry.
I just figured... sorry."


"I am. Quite."


Remus looks at him for a long moment. Sirius drums his fingers on the
countertop and smiles at this flustered boy, at Remus Lupin, with his rosy
cheeks and sinless eyes. "I. Oh, then."


  "Yeah. Contrary to the popular in-the-closet stereotype, I think you might be
the first person to ever     not    know,” he jokes. “I believe you owe me a
story, though."


"Oh," Remus just says again. His cheeks haven’t lightened a single shade.


"Shall we have a seat?" Sirius asks, coming from behind the counter to gesture
to a table.


"You're sitting out here," Remus says, quirking one eyebrow at him, and Sirius
grins because he’s finally vocal once more.


"That I am," he says. "You earned it. So what's going on?"


Remus slides into the chair across from him and looks down at the table top for
a moment before peeking up at Sirius again. Sirius loves how he does
that—always looking up at him through the fringe of his hair with those
innocent eyes. "Well. When I first realized that I might be..."


"Gay?"


"No," Remus answers right away. "I'm not sure. Not gay. More like..."


"Queer?" Sirius offers.


"Yeah. We'll go with that. Anyway, we were friends, and he noticed I was
nervous and kept bugging me about what was going on, so I told him, and he told
me that he was, too, and it was nice having him around, you know? To not be
alone, to know someone else who knew what it was like and to just. Have
somebody who knew and didn't think less of me for it. And so I kind of put up
with the fact that he was flirting with me all the time. He would like..."
Remus looks away, fingering the stretched out sleeve of his jumper in one hand.
"He would ask me out all the time, and one night a few weeks ago he came up to
me and was like, 'you can't say no anymore, I made reservations at a nice
restaurant tonight, I'll pay and you don't have to worry about anything, it'll
be nice.' So I went, because I didn't, you know, I didn't want him to get mad
at me. And it was actually... not that bad? So I thought maybe I should've said
yes earlier. He was a lot easier to talk to when he wasn't laying it on so
thick, and he walked me... well, a couple blocks from home because he knows
about my, or well, the situation with my parents, you know. And I thought it
went okay? It was my first date. And he went to kiss me and I kind of panicked
and turned my head to the side—you know, so he kissed me on the cheek. And he's
been hounding me even worse than before, acting like I owe him something for...
I don't know."


"You don't." Sirius says firmly.


"I know," Remus answers. His eyes still crinkle guiltily at the corners. "I
just don't have a lot of friends, and I'm worried he'll, I don't know, out me
or whatever."


  "If he does that, I will find him and he     will    regret it. You don't do
that. Like—you know how girls have girl code or whatever, like there's certain
things you just    don't do    because it's hard enough as it is already being
oppressed by society that you don't need to fuck things up for each other any
more? Well, you don't out someone who isn't ready."


"I don't know. Can’t be too safe. Anyway. Thank you."


  "Of course." Sirius watches him until the tips of his ears turn red and then
he says, "So you never kissed him?" Remus shakes his head, so he adds, "Have
you ever kissed    anyone    ?"


"Well," Remus says, gesturing to the spot behind Sirius that they'd kissed in
just a few minutes ago.


"Shit.” Sirius says, eyes bugging in surprise. Sure, Remus looks innocent, but
he always assumed that was just his coy facade, that underneath he wasn’t quite
the virgin his big, wide eyes so desperately emblazoned. “Fuck, I'm so sorry. I
didn't know. I wouldn't have--"


"No, it's okay. It's not a big deal. I mean, I don't think it is. It's not
really a thing to me," Remus says softly, his brown eyes searching for Sirius’
with utter honesty.


"Still. I'm so sorry."


"It's fine. I mean, more than fine, really. I doubt he'll do anything now that
he knows my boyfriend will go after him."


"Exactly. I mean, no one tries to start shit with someone who has a lip ring.
Not even some cocky little gay kid."


Remus rolls his eyes, but he's smiling again, which is good enough for Sirius.
"Right, of course."


"And—on a more serious note—if there ever is something you want to talk about,
regarding the gay stuff--"


"Queer stuff," Remus interrupts.


"The queer stuff, then. Come to me, not that little shit."


"You're getting awfully defensive on my behalf," Remus says with a small grin,
and dear Christ, he's purposely flirting, and this time it's Sirius whose ears
are burning.


"You, Remus Lupin," he says, "are exactly like me circa 2002, and I do not want
you to end up like me circa 2003."


  "God, but that was a long time ago. You're so     old    ."


"Fuck you," Sirius says with a grin. "I'm trying to live in denial."


Remus laughs, and a smile lingers on the corners of his mouth as he looks at
Sirius. A companionable silence hovers in the air for a moment before Remus
asks, "Did you know I was gay?"


Sirius contemplates this for a moment. He isn’t sure what Remus is looking for
here; he doubts anyone’s been pouring over the evidence quite as thoroughly as
Sirius. "I wasn’t sure. Lily thought so."


"Can you ask her why?"


"Hmm, probably wishful thinking. She tries to marry me off to anyone older than
5 that I cross paths with. Probably wants me out of the house," Sirius
reassures, grinning.


"You live with them?" Remus asks, tilting his head. He seems genuinely
interested; Sirius feels like he could talk to him for hours.


"Well, no," he says. "I mean, at some point you cross a boundary. But I spent a
lot of time there. I eat dinner with them all the time. Especially with the
baby, and Harry just... he's not used to having their attention on something
else, so it's hard for him, you know. He's been an only child for 9 years."


"They must've had him when they were so young. Only, what, 17? 18?"


"They were 18 when he was born. They weren't... I mean, they didn't plan for
it, but they weren't upset either. It was kind of like, they weren't ready but
it wasn't that hard to get ready. I was there for them, and Lily's parents were
very accepting, and James' just adored Lily and Harry as well. They used to
dote on him before, well. They were young but that kid was and is well loved.
They just wanted to be able to have this one without having to count on their
parents for free babysitting all the time."


"Does Harry think it's weird? That you, well..."


"That I'm gay? I don't think he's even really known anything else. I mean, he
grew up knowing that his uncle Padfoot dates men like his mother and father
like the opposite sex. It isn't a thing until someone makes it a thing, you
know?"


"Padfoot?" Remus says, eyebrows quirking inquisitively.


Sirius blushes. "Yeah. James' nickname for me. We came up with them in high
school. And you, um, you're Moony, in case you were interested."


"Why? Wait, the shirt?"


"Um. Yeah. Sure."


Remus raises his eyebrows. "What then?"


The bell over the door jingles again, and Sirius winks at Remus as he stands
up. "I gotta get back to work. I'll see you around. The kiss wasn't half bad,
by the way."


When he looks up from the blender halfway through mixing the customer's drink,
Remus is still sitting there slack jawed, watching him with fascination, but by
the time the customer’s handed him the money, their table is empty, and soon
he’s alone in the shop once more.
 
Chapter End Notes
     Thanks for reading! Look at me, updating regularly. Let me know what
     you think w comments!
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Notes
     Okay, so I know everyone's probably going to be like, wtf, why did
     they go see this movie that came out a year and a half ago? Well,
     that's when I first wrote this chapter. So. That's how things are.
     And yes I'm v sorry it's just getting posted now, it has in fact been
     on my hard drive since 2014. Anyway.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
"That was actually pretty good," Remus says to him as they spill out onto the
sidewalk along with the rest of the crowd from the theater. "I liked the first
one better, but I heard this one got pretty mixed reviews."
 
"It doesn't hurt that Andrew Garfield is pretty fit."
 
Remus wrinkles his nose and turns to him with a half-raised eyebrow. "Andrew
Garfield?"
 
"Mmh. He's, I don't know, cute."
 
Remus huffs. "Would think you'd be more into punk guys like Russell Brand, or
at least guys from, like, bands or something, like, I don't know, someone from
the Buzzcocks or whatever you listen to."
 
Sirius laughs and bumps his shoulder into Remus'. "Russell Brand is not punk,
and certainly not since he married Katy Perry. Although he did used to have
quite the look. And have you ever seen the guys from the Buzzcocks? Good lord.
Anyway, I'm really more about the aesthetics than the music."
 
"So what music do you listen to? Who's your favorite hot band dude?"
 
"Hmm," he says. "I don't listen to a lot of bands with attractive guys. Jeff
Mangum isn't terrible."
 
"Oh,  gross . He's in his 40's."
 
"That he is."
 
"Well, I for one think Russell Brand is pretty attractive."
 
"He's almost 40 too," Sirius says with a small grin. He watches Remus out of
the corner of his eye. Remus is not one for eye contact during conversations,
and at first this made Sirius feel a little bit odd, but now he likes that he
can watch Remus uninterrupted, look for the quirks in his smile and the pull at
his cheekbone and the narrowing of his eyes as he thinks really hard. "Punk
Russell Brand?"
 
"Oh, yes," Remus says, now glancing over at him with a very solid, serious
gaze. "I'm very into punk guys."
 
"Such a  flirt , Remus. You've really got to get a handle on that."
 
Remus laughs, leaning into Sirius' shoulder as they walk along together. "I
thought this was a  date ," he says in mock surprise. "What do I do with these
chocolate and flowers?"
 
"Well, if you had them, I'd still take them. I just probably wouldn't put out.
 
" Probably ."
 
"Yeah," Sirius says, glancing over at him. "Depends on the brand."
 
Remus laughs and then shivers a little bit. He wraps his arms around himself.
"What brand would you like, my darling?"
 
"Hmm... what are you looking for here? A kiss? A blow job? Full on anal? You
know, I'd probably be into rimming if you got me like, Godiva."
 
"You know, Sirius," Remus says. He's sorta squinting off into the distance as
he talks, arms wound tight around his thin chest. Sirius knows he's pushing
boundaries, but Remus still looks amused, the corner of his lip curling up just
so. "You've got this tendency to take the joke too far."
 
"Mmh. Are you cold?"
 
"A little, but I'm fine."
 
"Do you want my jacket?"
 
Remus shakes his head with a grin, glancing up to the dark sky. "I didn't get
you the chocolates or flowers, Sirius."
 
"Well, then, I guess I'll let you freeze."
 
"I don't need your jacket."
 
"Suit yourself."
 
" Tell me  that wasn't a pun."
 
Sirius snickers and Remus throws his head back and groans, but then he laughs
too, and Sirius tucks his head to hide his grin.
 
"I can't take you anymore."
 
"Do you have a curfew?" Sirius says suddenly. The stores around them are all
closed down for the night, and it's only just occurred to him that it's after
midnight.
 
"No," Remus says. "They don't, um, really care, usually."
 
"I just don't want you to get in trouble."
 
"It's fine."
 
"Okay," Sirius says. "Tonight was a lot of fun. And not even just because
Andrew Garfield is hot. I haven't really had friends other than Lily and James
for a long time. Well, and their parent friends, you know, Harry's friends'
parents and stuff, but that's not the same."
 
"Well," Remus says, stopping, and Sirius figures they must be about a block
from Remus' house. They've got to start going out during the day when there are
other people around, Sirius thinks, because these moments when they are the
only ones in the world in the dark of the night with only the moon lighting up
Remus' features, especially his big, bright eyes, are keeping him awake at
night. "I know what you mean. I don't exactly have a lot of friends at school
either. The home stuff is just, not easy for them to understand."
 
"Yeah, it was like that for me before I left home, too. I had James and that
was it.'
 
Remus smiles a little bit and his eyes look almost hopeful.
 
"Fuck it," Sirius says, and he leans in to wrap his arms around Remus.
 
"What are you--" Remus starts, but then he hugs right back. Sirius' body is so
broad and strong, and he nearly covers Remus when they hug despite being a good
four inches shorter, although partially due to the fact that Sirius hugs
desperately, gripping tightly. Remus has never known a hug to be vehement.
"We're hugging now?" Remus says after a beat. Sirius is still wrapped around
him. He's worried his knees are going to give out.
 
"Well,  now , yes."
 
"Sirius," he says, and then he's laughing into his hair, although he quickly
stops when he realizes how lovely Sirius smells: like incense and fresh coffee
and the outdoors and just enough like pot to be noticeable up this close, which
of course just makes Remus grin because everything about this man is so
endearing to him. Sirius finally pulls away, keeping his hands on Remus'
shoulders across from him.
 
"Good night," he says. "Good luck with your parents. See you tomorrow?"
 
"Good night," Remus says. "Tomorrow for sure."
 
Sirius smiles a little bit with a sense of reassuring himself that yes, he
really needs to go, and Remus smiles back encouragingly, and the Sirius turns
and begins walking away. He tears himself away like a band aid. Everything he
does, Remus notes on the walk home, is like that: done decisively and abruptly
and permanently. Like liking himself, Remus thinks, like wanting to spend time
with him. And that last small smile on Sirius' face gives him the courage to
plow between his parents and the TV to get to his room.
 
                                    ******
 
"So he's gay?"
 
"No," Sirius says. "He's probably pan or bi."
 
Lily groans. "You know what I meant."
 
Sirius makes a soft humming sound. "I'd still prefer you watched your words,
but go on."
 
"Well, he might like you then. You've been spending a lot of time together."
 
"He might," Sirius agrees. "I have been thinking about this a lot, believe it
or not."
 
"I can imagine," Lily says. "Like in the shower this morning?" she adds, just
before she slips into the back to get her coat.
 
"You're horrid," he calls back, and she laughs and then makes a soft gasping
sound.
 
"Come here," she says, stepping out of the back again. "They're kicking so
hard."
 
Sirius presses his hand to Lily's stomach. He can feel it, too, pressing back
and moving, and it's no less amazing and miraculous than it was when Harry was
still in the womb. "God," he says. "That's amazing."
 
"Hmm, maybe to you. It's getting annoying. Was going all night last night. I
couldn't sleep."
 
"The miracle of life," he says with a soft grin. The baby is still kicking hard
against his hand. He kneels down to the floor and leans into Lily's stomach.
"Hi, baby," he coos. "I'm uncle Padfoot. How's it goin' in there?"
 
The bell above the door jingles as Lily laughs, affectionately running a hand
through Sirius' hair. "Get up," she tells him, and he does, glancing over at
the newcomer.
 
"Oh," he says. "Hey!"
 
Remus smiles at Sirius' genuine enthusiasm, and then glances at Lily. "Hey," he
says.
 
"Hi," she says to Remus, quite warmly, and then turns to give Sirius a quick
hug. "I'll see you tomorrow," she says.
 
"See you," Sirius says. Lily's developed a bit of a waddle, and she makes her
way out to the car slowly and laboriously.
 
"What were you doing?"
 
Sirius looks over at Remus now. "Hmm? Oh, I was, um. Talking to the baby?"
Remus grins at him, and he feels the tips of his ears heating up, so he
continues, "Do you want something to drink?"
 
"No, I'm fine," he says. "Come sit?"
 
So Sirius walks out and they sit at the same table again, facing each other.
Remus bites his lip softly, just looking at Sirius. His amber eyes are both
piercing and comforting, and he finds himself subconsciously leaning in across
the table.
 
"So," Remus begins. "How was your morning?"
 
"Not terrible," he says. "I slept in because Lily opened, so that was nice. Did
everything go okay last night?"
 
"Yeah. I mean they didn't do anything, so yeah."
 
"That's good," he says, and he wonders what it's like there that not being hit
is 'good.'
 
"Don't worry," Remus says. "I'm fine. It's not. You know. It's fine."
 
"Hmm," Sirius says. "How've things been going with that guy?"
 
"Ugh. He hasn't been talking to me at all, just glaring at me in the hallway."
 
"I'm sorry," he says. "I mean, that's what you needed to do. I know that it
sucks that he's not around, but you don't want him around anyway."
 
"Yeah. I just. I wish someone normal would want to spend time with me."
 
"I'm pretty close to normal," Sirius jokes, dipping his head in to try and
catch Remus' eyes. It's so hard to tell what he's feeling. He'll never look at
Sirius. He keeps his head down or his eyes somewhere else, and Sirius never
gets to see what he's thinking.
 
"You are."
 
Sirius extends his legs under the table until their knees brush. He wants to
touch Remus, to hold him and care for him, but he figures it'd probably be
weird if he just reached over to touch his hands. "I'm sorry, Remus. High
school sucks for some people and I know it's now but it's not forever. High
school is four short years of your life and there is going to be so much more
after and people are so different after high school."
 
"Save the anti-suicide talk," Remus says, not unkindly.
 
"Well, you've got me, anyway," Sirius says, and Remus smiles. "If not to make
up for everything then just to replace that one dick. Remember what I said
about the queer stuff."
 
"Yeah," Remus says, "Speaking of that, can I ask you something?"
 
"Of course."
 
"So I have this friend," Remus says, and Sirius rolls his eyes right away.
"Shut up and listen. I've got this friend, and he knows this guy who's years
younger than him, but they really like each other and they've got really good
chemistry. What do you think he should do? Do you think the gap is too much?"
 
"Well," Sirius says. He squints a little bit at Remus, who is gnawing on his
lip nervously and turning new, interesting shades of red by the second. "I
think that it's something serious that they should really talk about before
they decide to try anything. I don't think it's necessarily a concrete road
block, but it's important and can't just be ignored. The thing about age gaps
is that they kind of grant superiority to the older person, which is not
something you want in a relationship. So I think the risk of feeling that way
needs to be discussed, also how to discuss and work through it when it comes up
along the road. They both have to be mature enough to handle that."
 
Remus nods, running a hand through his hair. It looks quite messy now, and his
cheeks are red as ever. "I get what you mean."
 
"I like you, Remus, but I want you to think about that, okay?"
 
"Well I... Okay."
 
Sirius reaches across the table and takes Remus' hand. He squeezes it gently,
then runs his thumb over the back of it. His palm is just a little bit sweaty,
and he feels a muscle in Remus' wrist twitch when he gives his hand another
squeeze. "Which is not a no."
 
"But it doesn't bother you? Other than that."
 
"If I felt like we were really that different, I wouldn't be spending so much
time with you. I spend enough of my free time babysitting."
 
Remus smiles a little bit, and Sirius grins back encouragingly. "I'm glad," he
says.
 
"Thank you for bringing it up. You're obviously much more brave than I am, even
blushing and all."
 
The faded flush in Remus' cheeks returns with a vengeance. "Sirius," he says.
 
"It's cute," Sirius insists with a grin. "Come here," he adds, and he leans
across the table to fix Remus' hair. It's so soft, unbelievably so, even with
the sticky product that holds it in place. It's almost worth taking his hand
out of Remus' to touch it. "You messed it all up." Remus closes his eyes and
ducks his head a little bit as Sirius pushes the last few locks back into
place. "There we go."
 
"Thanks," Remus says, quietly. Sirius smiles at him, and a moment passes
between them, silent, as Remus eyes Sirius' now empty hand and Sirius watches
Remus' quiet contemplation. "So," Remus says eventually. "When is Lily due?"
 
"February," Sirius says. "She's 5 months in, so."
 
"She's not that big. Isn't 5 months, like, bigger than that?"
 
"I dunno. She was even smaller when she had Harry. The whole pregnancy thing is
weird and gross. Thank god I'll never have to deal with it."
 
Remus laughs. "Do you want kids?"
 
"Not biological ones? I mean, in general it'd be pretty hard to find a guy with
the right equipment. Maybe I'll put an advert up on craigslist."
 
"God, you're awful," Remus says, laughing. "I meant like adopted."
 
"Well. I guess. Yeah. I wouldn't want to do it myself though, you know? If I
get married or whatever one day, then yeah. I'm, well, this is embarrassing,
but I'm really really good with kids."
 
"Well, you were there for Harry."
 
"Mmh," Sirius says. "I do though—I want a girl."
 
"What would you name her?"
 
"Huh. I don't know. I really do like the old Greek and Latin names, but I don't
want to do the astronomy thing, you know? If I have a kid, it's not gonna be
how they did it."
 
"I know what you mean," Remus says. "And it's like a message, that you can do
what they couldn't. Or well, it would be for me."
 
"It's partly that. It was that with Harry. Kid's spoiled rotten now because of
me, of course."
 
"That's so cute," Remus says, smiling. His eyes are practically shining. "What
is he like? He's nine, right?"
 
"Yeah. He's, I don't know, he's a great kid. He's really nice and he's also
probably one of the most empathetic nine year olds I've ever met. I don't know.
I think we did a good job."
 
Remus laughs. "Did you really help raise him that much?"
 
"Well, I mean, I guess. I was there a lot. None of us knew what we were doing,
but there were three of us who didn't know what we were doing, which made
things a little bit better."
 
Remus nods, supporting his chin with his fist. He looks deeply into Sirius'
eyes. "I can really see you as a good parent. Or uncle, I guess."
 
Sirius smiles a little bit and breaks the eye contact, looking down at the
marble patterned tabletop. "I've had some practice, I guess. I'm guessing
you're an only child?"
 
"Thank God," he says. "I wouldn't want anyone else to have to be in that house.
What about you?"
 
"I have a younger brother, Regulus," he says. "He lived with them until they,
well, our mother died, and then he put our father in a nursing home. He played
nice with them; I don't think he necessarily approved of how awful and
oppressive they were, but he played nice, so our parents played nice back for
the most part. Anyway, after that, he moved to the states, and I haven't seen
him in... well, not since I left. I didn't go to the funeral and I only found
out he left from our uncle. It sucks because I don't think he was like them,
but it is what it is."
 
"I'm sorry. But at least he did what he wanted, right?"
 
"Yeah," Sirius says. "I don't really think about it a lot. It's just... I wish
it would go away, but it's there, and that's that. James is more my brother
than Regulus ever was, and Mr. and Mrs. Potter are the ones I think of when
someone asks me about my parents."
 
Remus nods. "Is it easier to talk about eventually, then?"
 
"I guess so. When you're not expecting it to jump out of the shadows and come
running after you again."
 
"And to forgive?" Remus prods, eyes looking concerned and hopeful at once.
 
Sirius' look is long and thoughtful, but it's very cold. His usually pale blue
eyes are now a clear gray. He's looking at something just past Remus' ear when
he answers, "No. I don't think so. And I don't think it's worth it to try."
 
"I'm-- well. I'm sorry," he says. "That things were like that. And that—just
that everything was shitty. But you're happy now, and that's. Well, I almost
didn't believe that could happen."
 
Sirius smiles a little bit. "Is my story inspirational to you? Have I found a
use for my 16 years spent with a bigoted drunk man and his manipulative wife?"
 
"I think you have, Sirius. Maybe you could become an inspirational speaker. You
could give speeches to like, secondary school kids."
 
"A dream come true," Sirius jokes. "What time is it, anyway?"
 
Remus checks his phone. "Wow, 4:30 already? I should probably head home."
 
"Okay. Well, I think we covered all the bases. Serious emotional conversation,
small talk, in depth grieving over our pitiful childhoods..."
 
"Glad to know you have a checklist for our conversations," Remus says, standing
up and pushing his chair in.
 
Sirius gets up to join him, and he's smiling as he leans in until Remus' eyes
are wide with surprise. "Well, you're only here for like an hour. I need to get
the most out of it." And then he wraps his arms around Remus, pulling him in
for a close hug. Remus responds almost immediately, pressing right back against
him. Sirius can feel the light muscles in Remus' chest against his, the curve
of his hipbones, the  press of his thighs. Remus' fingers dig into his lower
back. He's so warm and whole in his arms, smelling of thrift stores and books
and a little big of cologne. When he finally does pull back, he dips in to kiss
Remus on the cheek. "See you," he says. "Don't forget to think about what I
said."
 
"Of course not," he agrees breathlessly, then pauses and adds, "See you," and
then he's out the door, looking quite flustered.
Chapter End Notes
     I also noticed that I asked for comments which I don't really think
     is an ao3 thing so much and is just something I remember from my
     grandma days at ff.net, so that was prob silly sounding? But thank
     you guys for reading, feels kinda weird that I can restart a story
     two years later and people still want to read it. But thank you!!
     Also, happy holidays and happy new year!
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Remus spends the next week leaning over a table in the coffee shop, deep in
conversation with Sirius. The days seem to slip by without him noticing; each
day he spends an hour or two talking about everything under the sun with
Sirius. They sit at the same table each time, fully engrossed in one another.
Sirius finds that Remus blushes just slightly when he winds their ankles
together under the table. Remus notices that Sirius' eyes cloud over when he
takes his hand on the table top, and his speech stutters and buckles when he
runs his thumb over the back of his hand. They spend time learning each other,
from the way Remus' mouth twitches at the corner when you've said something
that makes him uncomfortable to the way Sirius keeps his mouth just slightly
open when he's paying close attention to what you're saying. Sirius could fill
a notebook with the things he learns about Remus in that one week: on
Wednesday, for instance, Remus tells him about his realization, at 5 years old,
that not all households were like his. He has to pause in the middle of a story
about going out to get ice cream with a friend and their mother to bit his lip
so hard it almost bleeds, and Sirius watches with a mix of fascination and
grief.
 
And Sirius tells him about sneaking out to visiting James' cottage over the
summer when he was a teenager and the break in the monotonous oppression and
hatred of the Black household, and in telling the story of his inevitable
punishment upon return, he sees the difference between sympathy and empathy in
Remus' expression.
 
Listening to Remus talk is like watching a flower blossom. He hears everything
and remembers it just as well, and then he turns over the new secrets in his
head at night as he tries to figure out exactly who this man is. He never comes
away with anything less than respect, admiration, and affection, and he's right
back to high school, falling asleep smiling and blushing like a schoolgirl with
his mind focused only on Remus.

By the time Thursday comes, just the sight of Remus' mop of light brown hair is
enough to get Sirius' heart pounding. When he walks in the door, he looks as
antsy and nervous as he did Monday. Sirius is already sitting at their table,
two cups of coffee in front of him.
 
"What's wrong?" Sirius asks.
 
"Nothing," Remus answers, and he smiles, genuinely but anxiously, at Sirius.
 
"Sit," Sirius says, pushing Remus' coffee forward.
 
Remus does so, taking a long sip of it before he sets it down. "So how was
dinner with James and Lily last night?"
 
"It was good," Sirius answers warmly. "I haven't been spending as much time
there lately, so Harry was happy to see me. And Lily and James are still doing
their domestic bliss thing."
 
"Is everything with the baby doing okay?" Remus asks politely.
 
"Yeah. Kid's going to come out of the womb spoiled, I swear to god. Prongs
spends every free second cooing at her stomach,” Sirius says with a grin.
 
"That's..." Remus begins, searching for a kind word.
 
"Yeah, right? Straight people are so fucking weird,” Sirius says.
 
Remus laughs, and then they fall back into their easy pace, hooking their
ankles together under the table and subconsciously leaning in to one another.
"You're awful, Padfoot."
 
Sirius grins easily. "Are you really going to start using the nicknames?"
 
Remus pauses and then says, "Is it okay? I thought--"
 
"It's fine, Moony," Sirius says with a sly smile. Remus feels his stomach
wither away at the sight.
 
"I wanted to talk to you." Remus says suddenly. It comes forth like he's been
waiting to say it since he came through the door.
 
"Lucky for you, you talk to me almost every day,” Sirius jokes nervously.
 
"No... really. You told me to think about stuff on Monday so I did,” Remus
says.
 
Sirius looks surprised at this. He blinks hard and then folds his arms on the
table, leaning forward. His eyes are big and gray and piercing. "Yeah? And what
do you think?"
 
"I think you're right in saying that it's a big responsibility, the age
difference,” Remus begins, looking into Sirius' eyes earnestly. “And that it's
something we need to be conscious of, and that it's something that we need to
be careful of and to watch for either of us abusing it."
 
"Hmm," Sirius responds, looking unimpressed. His eyes are narrow as he
scrutinizes Remus.
 
"And I also think," he says, grinning a little bit now, "That it was a little
condescending, how you asked me to think about it and take it seriously. You
can't act like I think like a kid if this is going to work at all."
 
Sirius' whole demeanor relaxes as he laughs, leaning back in his chair. He
looks (and sounds) kind of like a happy dog when he laughs. Remus smiles
soppily and leans forward a little bit more. "Okay. Good,” Sirius says simply.
 
"Was that a test?" Remus asks, turning his head inquisitively.
 
"No, not really,” Sirius answers honestly. “But I think you passed anyway."
 
"See, you're manipulating me already," Remus jokes.
 
Sirius leans across the table, leaning his forearms on the top. The laughter is
gone from his eyes and he's again got his sober face on again. "I'm serious,
you know. It's not. I mean, the jokes are okay. As long as you get that if you
ever feel like I'm actually doing that, you need to say something."
 
"Okay," Remus says. "I know, Sirius. I wouldn't be interested if I didn't trust
you and feel comfortable talking to you."
 
Sirius grins then, leaning in just a bit more. There's mere inches between them
now, and the air is exhilarating, invigorating, and Sirius breathes out, "Your
second kiss ever?"
 
"Stop fetishizing my innocence, Black," Remus responds, and then the moment is
gone, Sirius leaning back in his chair with laughter once again at the
unexpected retort.
 
Sirius' smile is so genuinely warm when his laughter dies off, and he just
gives Remus this lovely look of wonder and fondness that Remus quite enjoys,
and he says, "What are you doing Saturday night?"
 
"Saturday?" Remus asks.
 
"Yeah," Sirius prompts. “Like six or sevenish at night?
 
"Nothing, I don't think. Why?" Remus asks. He looks genuinely confused and it
again strikes Sirius that this is new to him; he's never been asked out in a
kind and respectful manner before. Sirius finds it attractive and, well,
adorable, in the way that he finds everything else about Remus attractive; not
because it's novel, but just because it's Remus.
 
"Would you like to go out to dinner?" Sirius asks, smiling kindly.
 
"Like, regular dinner like we've been doing?" Remus asks. Sirius sees the hope
in his eyes now, and he feels his stomach go soft, wanting nothing more than to
lean across the table and kiss Remus' soft, pink lips.
 
"No," Sirius says, scooting in until their knees brush. "Like, I'll take you
out to an actual nice restaurant and then walk you home and we can kiss on the
street corner or what have you."
 
"I... really? Are you being sarcastic?" Remus asks. His eyebrows are still
furrowed, honey brown eyes searching Sirius' face.
 
Sirius laughs. It's warm and patient, and Remus feels his cheeks heat up
because Sirius is a big, burning ball of energy and he's focusing it all on
Remus, even more so than at their usual midday get togethers. "Remus Lupin,
would you like to go on a date with me?"
 
"I, well. Yeah, of course,” Remus says. His honest enthusiasm makes Sirius
grin.
 
"Okay," Sirius says. "So is that good? Six or seven?"
 
"6 is fine," Remus says. "But I have to tell you, I think your expectations are
a little unrealistic." Sirius tilts his head in confusion, so he continues,
"Yeah, I don't kiss on first dates, Sirius." Sirius looks as if he might not
know if he's joking. Remus grins and continues, "But as long as you don't stalk
me for two weeks if I turn my head when you try, we should be fine."
 
Sirius laughs. "You're such an idiot," he says, quite affectionately, and then
he leans in and adds, "But I mean, we're not on a first date now."
 
"No? I guess not," Remus says, smiling coyly.
 
"Hmmm," Sirius purrs. They're so close that Remus can just barely see his eyes;
his eyelids are drooped and his eyes are hazy, and then Remus can't see them
anymore because Sirius is leaning in to press his lips to Remus'.
 
If anything, it's even better than the first time, because this time they're
both doing it because they want to. Remus makes a gentle but pleased noise of
surprise, and Sirius reaches around to curl his fingers into the hair as the
back of his neck. His lips are surprisingly soft, and Sirius carefully directs
him, pulling back on the hair at the back of his neck when he's pushing too
hard and tugging him in closer when he's being too reluctant. It's not that
bad, really, considering it's only his second kiss, and the first one he's
really trying to participate in, but Sirius finds even the slip ups
embarrassingly endearing. When they pull away, just barely, just enough to
breathe against one another's mouths, Sirius finds that his heart is pounding
like mad. He surreptitiously pulls his hands away and wipes them on his jeans.
Embarrassing, really, he scolds himself, but Remus' eyes are so bright that
really, no one could blame him.
 
"Well," Sirius says.
 
Remus looks anxious, brows all crinkled. "What?"
 
"I just. Thank god you have that wolf shirt. Thank god it's such a conversation
starter."
 
Remus laughs, and then blushes, and then buries his face in his hands to hide
the face that he's doing both at once. Sirius scoots in closer until his knee
slips between Remus' and he can wrap his hands around Remus' forearms
comfortingly.
 
"You're just making it worse," Remus whines, and Sirius laughs and leans in to
kiss the backs of Remus' hands. "I need to go soon anyway," he says.
 
Sirius pulls back immediately and Remus lowers his hands, flushed face lined
with confusion.
 
"What's wrong?" Remus asks.
 
"Am I making you uncomfortable?" Sirius prompts.
 
"No, of course not," Remus says. "You don't have to be so sensitive." He adds,
pushing his chair out to stand. "You haven't done anything at all that's
bothered me since we first met, Sirius. Well. Maybe other than that annoying
way you sip your coffee, but that can't be helped.
 
Sirius looks mortified. "What is it? What do I do?"
 
Remus laughs, bending down to kiss Sirius on the cheek. "I'm kidding. It's kind
of endearing. I'll see you tomorrow?"
 
"Sure," he says. Remus has never seen Sirius' eyebrows crinkle in such innocent
confusion before, but he does tilt his head up as if asking for another kiss.
Remus bends over to meet him, and he stands there for a moment, towering over
Sirius, sharing a sweet peck. When he pulls away, Sirius blinks a few times too
many, and Remus laughs.
 
"I'll see you," he repeats, and Sirius repeats after him then, and watches
Remus leave the shop with a grin, face tucked down as he walks quickly out of
sight.
 
                                    ******


"Sirius," Lily says when she opens the door. She's wearing pajamas but Sirius
can tell she hasn't gone to bed yet because she's still got make-up on, so he
at least probably hasn't woken her up. Besides, he's far too excited to be
concerned about that. "What are you doing here?"
 
"I have something to tell you," he says, pushing his way inside. "Is James
here? Yeah, right?"
 
"He's putting Harry to bed," she says, closing the door. "Are you hungry? Do
you want something to eat?"
 
"What's he still doing up?" Sirius asks. "And yeah, sure. What'd you make for
dinner?"
 
"Pasta," she says. "Go microwave yourself a plate if you want," she adds,
leading him into the kitchen. Her pregnancy is starting to show in her gait;
she walks a little bit differently and a lot slower. Sirius would feel bad if
she didn't look so happy all the time, even when she's upset or in pain. He's
glad he can never have a baby and even gladder that he'll never have to have a
pregnant wife. "I'll warm you up dinner when you're 5 and a half months
pregnant and I show up at your door step at 10 at night, jumping around you
like a puppy."
 
Sirius laughs, and she shoots him an inquisitive look that he is too far into
the fridge to see. "I know how to use a microwave, Lily."
 
"So what's the big news?"
 
"Hmmm," Sirius says, scooping pasta onto a paper dish. "I dunno, maybe I should
wait until James comes down to tell you."
 
"Sirius," she complains.
 
"Okay, fine," he says. "So. I have plans Saturday night."
 
"Is the news that you finally found other friends?" She asks dryly
 
"You are lucky you're pregnant," he says, shooting a glare at her over his
shoulder as he scoops meatballs onto the dish.
 
"Well?" she insists.
 
"I have a date," he says. He carefully avoids turning around as he puts his
dish in the microwave, hiding the big grin and red cheeks on his face.
 
"A date." She repeats.
 
"That's what I said," he says. "Dinner and everything."
 
"Haven't you been doing that with Remus?" She asks.
 
"Yes. But," he says, turning around now. "This time it's a real date."
 
She blinks at him. "You asked him out?"
 
Sirius hums happily. Lily looks like she's in no mood to put up with the drama
queen act. "He asked me."
 
"Oh," she says. "Sirius, that's... awh."
 
"I know," he says, leaning back against the counter. "And then we kissed this
afternoon and. He's just so lovely."
 
"Are you talking about that kid again?" James asks from the doorway, and Sirius
looks up with flushed cheeks.
 
"Not on, mate, tell me when you're there, especially if I'm being sappy."
Sirius jokes.
 
"You've gotta get over that kid, Sirius. It's fine to hang out with him or
whatever but you can't go out with him," James says casually, slipping into the
chair next to Lily. Sirius feels his chest seize up. He grips the edge of the
counter until his fingertips are white, watching as Lily stays stone still as
James leans in to nuzzle her neck.
 
"James," Lily says slowly and carefully, "Sirius and Remus are going to dinner
on Saturday."
 
"So they have been," he says, and again Sirius feels the pang in his chest of
being an outsider in their lives. James' eyes are closed, which is all the
better, because Sirius isn't sure he wants him to see his face right now. He's
distantly aware of the microwave beeping behind him, but his throat is probably
too tight to swallow anything right now.
 
"Sirius and Remus are going out to eat this Saturday," she repeats, "on a
date."
 
Now James stops, looking up at Lily, then at Sirius, who has his teeth
resolutely clamped down on the inside of his cheeks. "Oh," he says. "Sirius,
mate. I know you like him, but don't you think that's kind of irresponsible?"
 
"James," Lily says, green eyes scalding as she pushes him off of her. Sirius
watches them, and he remember when he thought that Lily was coming between him
and James back in secondary school, and he remembers James telling him that
nothing would ever change them, and he sees the negligence in James' eyes now
and something in him breaks.
 
"What?" James says. "They're 10 years apart."
 
"Go upstairs," Lily says flatly but firmly. James cowers in the face of the
contempt in her eyes and slips out of the doorway.
 
Sirius just looks at Lily. She's got an apology written all over her face, but
Sirius doesn't need one from her. "I. I didn't know he disapproved of it that
much."
 
"Listen," Lily says. She's using her mom voice; Sirius always finds it
comforting, if not a little condescending. He sinks into the seat next to her
and rests his forehead on her shoulder. "He's just. He'll get over it, love.
You can't decide what to do based on what James approves of."
 
"I know, but... irresponsible? I mean. And he didn't even. Fuck," Sirius says,
pawing desperately at his eyes. His eyeliner smudges with each swipe.
 
"I am going to speak with him, believe me, but he's just exhausted, Sirius,
he's been busy all day, and you know how he doesn't think sometimes when he
gets like that."
 
"Do you think it's a bad idea?"
 
"Definitely not,” Lily reassures him. “I think you're good for each other."
 
"Thank you," Sirius says. "I think. I think I'm gonna take the pasta home. Do
you think it could stand being reheated twice?"
 
"Not like you'll stop to taste it while you're wolfing it down, love," she says
with a smile, kissing the top of his head just before he lifts it.
 
"Thank you," he says again, standing up. He grabs a container from the cabinet
and begins pouring his plate of pasta in. "I just. Lately I've been feelings
like I'm not welcome here, so I'm trying to make other friends and do things
with other people, but James is just. Acting like he doesn't want me to? So I
don't know what's going on."
 
"You'll always be welcome here, Pads. Don't be silly," she says, heaving
herself up. "But if you want a boyfriend and you've found a nice guy, don't let
James take that from you because he's being a myopic little twat because of the
baby."
 
Sirius laughs, and Lily comes up behind him and hugs him just as he's putting
the lid on. "Thank you," he says once more.
 
"We love you, Sirius. We all do. Don't start thinking we don't want you here."
 
"Lilyyyy. Too sappy. You're not being very punk," he says, mostly because he is
still feeling a little sniffly.
 
She laughs and kisses his cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow, dear," she says, and
then her clumsy footsteps are echoing as she slowly climbs the wooden
staircase.
 
Sirius lets himself out, and he loads his container of dinner into the
compartment under the seat of his motorcycle in the all-consuming darkness
outside. When he climbs onto the bike, the Potter's motion detecting porch
light glows up the yard so bright his eyes almost burn. Rolling slowly in
reverse out onto the street, he feels an odd sense of something as he leans in
to close the sticky latch on their gate, but only stays to dwell for a minute
before riding off into the distance.
 
Chapter End Notes
     So I'm trying to pump out updates because I'm starting at college at
     the end of the month and I'm worried I won't have as much time to
     write, so hopefully there'll be a lot coming out this month. I've
     written up to like. Chapter 16 I think? But there's probably gonna be
     like 25 chapters, so I have a ways to go. Hopefully the hour long
     commute will be some good brainstorming time.
***** Chapter 9 *****
“Would you quit moping?” Lily asks him suddenly the next morning. It’s the dull
break between lunch rush and when the school kids come in, and Sirius had
thought they were both dreary with the gloomy tiredness of the rainy afternoon.
“You’re breaking my heart with that sad face.”
 
"I'm not moping," Sirius says indignantly. "Why would I be moping?"
 
"It's okay to be upset," Lily tells him, pressing her forehead to his shoulder.
"He'll come around though, Sirius."
 
"Can we please talk about something else?"
 
Lily buries her face into Sirius' shoulder. "I hate it when you two fight.
James always used to be right. What happened?"
 
Sirius laughs. "James was right less than you think," he says. "You just liked
the attention."
 
"I just didn't like you, is more like it," she says, grinning into his neck.
"You charmed me, somehow."
 
"I always do, love," he says, turning to kiss her temple. She laughs against
his collarbone.
 
"You're kind of sickening," she says.
 
"Well, get off of me, then," he says, and Lily laughs and moves back, leaning
against the far wall now.
 
"Where are you gonna take him?" She asks, still smiling.
 
"You know that restaurant down near the flat you and James used to have?"
Sirius asks.
 
"The one James proposed to me in,” Lily says.
 
"Well, yes. I mean, it's nice, but it's only proposal nice if you're 18,”
Sirius says, and he’s right. If he were going to propose to Remus, he’d take
him to Paris to have dinner on a balcony watching the sunset or something sappy
like that, and he and Lily both know that.
 
"Padfoottt," she coos anyway. "That place is so fancy. They have the best red
wine--"
 
"He can't drink," Sirius says. "Otherwise I would."
 
"Order it anyway. Share a glass if you have to."
 
Sirius snorts. "What a pleasant idea for our first date. Ah, yes, I heard you
were looking for an omnipresent reminder of the fact that I'm ten years older
than you--"
 
"Then take a bottle back to your flat," she says.
 
"Jesus christ, what do you think this is? I'm not inviting him up to my flat!"
Sirius objects.
 
She laughs, leaning forward to tie her hair in a bun. "I've never seen you so
nervous over a date."
 
"Well. I really like him. You know that." Sirius mumbles, cheeks flushing.
 
"I do," she says. "I think it's sweet. I'm happy for you."
 
Sirius smiles at her thankfully. "At least you are."
 
She shoots him an apologetic look, but before she can attempt to make amends
for James' careless comments yet again, the door opens at the front of the
shop, ringing as the late autumn wind ripples in past Remus.
 
"Hey," he greets. His cheeks are bright red and his smile is wide and genuine.
Sirius grins back almost instinctively. He comes right up to the counter,
leaning in expectantly, and then Sirius supposes there's no way he can go
without a quick kiss, so he rests his hands on the counter to support his
weight as he leans forward, and Remus' hand curls around the back of his neck
for one short second before he pulls away. The tips of Sirius' ears are bright
red, but other than that, he's managing to hide just how flustered he is quite
well.
 
"Oh," Remus says suddenly, looking at Lily. "Um. Hi. I didn't see you there."
 
"It's perfectly fine," she tells him with a comforting smile. "It certainly
doesn't bother me."
 
"It's nice," Remus tells Sirius, who is still a little distracted looking.
"That your friends are so accepting and supportive I mean." Sirius' whole face
falls. Remus' eyebrows furrow. "Did I-- I just thought..."
 
"You're fine, love," Lily says sweetly. "My husband's been being a bit of a
prick and Sirius is upset about that, but they'll work it out like they always
do."
 
"But hasn't he known?" Remus asks. "About Sirius?"
 
"Well, yeah, of course, but it's more... I'm not sure he necessarily approves
of..." Lily trails off, looking to Sirius for support.
 
"The fact that I have a date with someone younger than me," Sirius supplies.
"But it's not really any of his business, is it? Don't worry about it."
 
"Sirius... he's practically your brother. I don't want to cause any problems."
Remus says, eyebrows furrowing. Sirius wants to reach across the counter and
smooth them out.
 
"You're not," Sirius says. "I really, truly mean it when I tell you not to
worry about it."
 
"Are you sure?" Remus asks. He looks so worried, biting nervously at his bottom
lip with big puppy dog eyes.
 
Sirius laughs softly, running his thumb soothingly over Remus' knuckles on the
countertop. "Positive."
 
Remus looks away for a minute. Sirius works on prying his folded fingers up
from the counter. Eventually Remus' muscles relax and he manages to slip his
fingers into Remus'.
 
"Um. Can I talk to you?" Remus asks.
 
"Sure," Sirius answers, although 'can I talk to you' is rarely ever good. "I'm
off, actually, but we can go, um,"
 
"Not about this," Remus says, giving his hand a squeeze for emphasis. "Well,
sort of. But nothing bad."
 
"Okay. We could go back to my flat if you want?" Sirius says, but it's like a
question, his head tilted to the side just so.
 
"I probably don't have time for that," Remus says, "But," and he nods towards
the door.
 
"Yeah, I. Okay," Sirius says, and he has to release Remus' hand to walk around
the counter, which is a shame, really, no matter how much his palm was
sweating.
 
"Nice meeting you," Remus tells Lily with a polite smile, and she responds in
kind as Sirius holds the door open for Remus.
 
"What's up?" Sirius asks.
 
"I don't really like it how you freak out about everything to do with stuff I
have going on at home but then something happens between you and someone who is
basically family and you're very clearly upset about it but it's just supposed
to not be my problem?" Remus says all at once, looking out of breath once he’s
done. His golden eyes burn expectantly into Sirius.
 
"It's different," Sirius says. "It's not because I don't think you can take
care of yourself or whatever."
 
"How is it different?" Remus presses.
 
"Well for one thing, James keeps his hands to himself." Remus looks away
quickly, the flame in his eyes suddenly and efficiently doused, and Sirius
sighs. "That was probably-- I'm sorry. But, look at me," he says, hooking a
finger under Remus' jaw. "The thing with James will blow over, I promise you.
He's worried about me, whether he's showing it in a necessarily healthy way or
not, and once he realizes that there's nothing to worry about, he'll apologize.
It's not... I mean, of course I'm upset that he doesn't approve, but I hated
Lily for the first month they were together just because I was jealous of how
much attention James was giving her. And I know that he has a different angle
right now, but I just. I'm upset, but I understand that he's not going to feel
this way forever."
 
"Yeah, but you're upset about it right now." Remus says knowingly.
 
"Yeah, but I'm also right," he says with a grin. "And I have a date tomorrow
night," he adds, punctuating this by taking Remus' hands in his own. "And what
does he have? A bratty nine year old and a grouchy pregnant wife?"
 
"Sirius," Remus says, grinning despite himself. "I mean, you've still got a
bratty nine year old godchild and a grouchy pregnant friend."
 
"Don't talk about my godkid that way," Sirius answers, smirking. Remus' stomach
floats up into his chest every time he sees that smirk; he'd press Sirius up
against the glass if Lily wasn't watching. As it is, Sirius dips down and
kisses him, one arm winding around the small of Remus' back as Remus reaches
around to grip the back of his neck. He tilts his head subconsciously to the
right, and Sirius pulls him in closer. He feels like he's encompassed by
Sirius; he can smell Sirius' cologne coming from everywhere and feel Sirius'
warm chest against his, and even the sounds of traffic are dulled by the tight
embrace. Sirius' tongue just grazes his lower lip when there's a loud bang on
the window.
 
"Christ," Sirius exclaims, jumping back. Lily is doubled over laughing behind
the counter, and there's a package of cups lying on the floor just beneath the
windows. "I'm gonna murder her," Sirius says, but he's grinning, his hand still
warm against Remus' back.
 
"To be continued tomorrow then?" Remus asks. "Somewhere more private maybe?"
 
"Remus Lupin, what are you suggesting?" Sirius asks, turning back to him with a
sly grin. "What kind of man do you think I am, that I'd invite you up to my
flat on the first date?"
 
"Not even just for tea?" Remus asks innocently.
 
"Hm, maybe for tea. No funny business though," Sirius jokes, stepping closer.
Remus can feel his own heavy breathing in his chest.
 
"That's a shame," Remus says. "Good as your tea is, I was very much looking
forward to the funny business."
 
Sirius' eyes glint in the sun. "Okay, maybe a little funny business."
 
Remus laughs and then leans in to kiss Sirius softly once again. He pulls away
before Lily can say anything, though, and Sirius' hand trails from his back to
his own hand as they part.
 
"Sure I can't convince you to come back with me?"
 
"I would love to," Remus answers. "But. You know. My mom's home."
 
"Okay," Sirius says, and he's about to pull his hand away when he instead says,
"One more," and leans in to kiss Remus again.
 
It takes a few seconds and a lot of willpower for Remus to push him away,
laughing as he says, "Go home."
 
"Fine," Sirius answers, his fingers finally slipping from Remus'. "I'm going.
See you tomorrow."
 
"Be careful getting home,” Remus pleads.
 
Sirius laughs as he digs through his pocket for his key. "Of course. Careful
walking home."
 
Remus rolls his eyes and Sirius laughs, stepping back towards his bike. "See
you," he repeats, swinging his leg over the seat of the bike.
 
Rather that prolonging the inevitable any longer, Remus turns and heads off
while Sirius' bike peels away in the opposite direction.
 
                                    ******
 
Lily winds up inviting Sirius to come over for some drinks after she gets off
work. He gives her ample time to get home before he gets there, which he's
never done before. He really has no desire to be alone with James tonight.
 
When he arrives, Lily's left the door open for him, so he goes right into the
kitchen. James is sitting at the table with a scotch glass in front of him.
Lily stands at the counter mixing something in the blender.
 
"Hey mate," James greets without looking up. Sirius walks over to Lily without
answering.
 
"What is that?" he asks.
 
"Strawberry mango margarita," she says. "They just got it in at the liquor
store. I figured you would like it."
 
"It smells amazing," he says. "Maybe with a couple extra shots of tequila."
 
She laughs. "What happened? It looked like things were going well with Remus."
 
"They are," he says. "Very well, in fact."
 
She turns to look over her shoulder at James and Sirius sighs in response. She
purses her lips as she pours the drink into a glass and sprinkles sugar on top.
Sirius takes his drinks as sugary as he can get them. Usually Lily makes fun of
him, but tonight she just slides the glass over to him with a small, comforting
smile. He takes a long sip.
 
"How is it?" she asks.
 
"Good. Maybe more sugar next time,” Sirius jokes.
 
She cracks a grin now, though, and puts the lid on the blender. Sirius tilts
his head back and chugs the rest of it and then coughs, clutching at his chest.
Lily laughs at him. James' back is still turned. "God! Very. Very cold," he
says, and then he grabs the blender and pours himself another glass. Lily's eye
twitches a bit, so Sirius knows that she doesn't necessarily approve. "It is
good," he says. "The mango and all."
 
"Hmm," she hums disapprovingly. "I didn't mean for this to be a get wasted
thing."
 
"How much of a lightweight do you think I am?" Sirius asks, swirling the
contents of his cup around.
 
"James, I invited Sirius over to spend time with him. Would you mind not
hovering about?" Lily asks calmly.
 
James shoots out of the chair and looks at her like she's just told him to
sleep on the couch tonight. "What did I do?"
 
"I think we've already talked about this,” Lily says slowly, turning to him.
Sirius thinks it looks just like when she’s trying to shame Harry into
behaving.
 
"I don't know what you want me to say! I don't like it!” James erupts. He looks
frazzled, as if this discussion started more than a few seconds ago, which
Sirius feels safe to assume it actually did. James’ face is brick red behind
his large glasses, and his hair is standing on end from how he’s messed it up
running his hands through it. Sirius hasn’t seen him this angry since football
matches in secondary school.
 
"Lucky for you, your wife is about 2 months older than you, so you don't have
to worry about anything at all,” Sirius retorts, watching James’ rage with
stony eyes
 
"Well, I'm not forcing you to not go out with the kid. I'm just saying I
disapprove,” James argues, his color fading just a bit.
 
"Well, I think everyone would prefer that you keep that opinion to yourself,”
Lily interrupts. “What is so difficult to accept about the fact that your best
friend has a date with someone who understands him, someone who he really likes
and makes him happy?"
 
"He's a  child , Lily! It's not right," James shouts back. Sirius notices he's
getting quite red in the face again and turns away once more, gripping his
glass tightly.
 
"We had Harry when we were his age!" Lily says.
 
"And we had no idea what the fuck we were doing because we were just kids!"
James shouts back.
 
It's silent, now, and Sirius is honestly afraid to look up and see the look on
Lily's face. If he himself is that offended by what James has said, he can't
imagine what Lily feels. Harry is not, as he so often reminds himself, even his
child.
 
"Padfoot?"
 
Of course, he looks up now, though, to Harry standing in his pajamas in the
doorway. He immediately pushes off of the counter and puts his drink down,
walking over to lift Harry up into his arms. "Hello, love. Did we wake you?"
Harry nods. He's way way too huge for Sirius to be holding, but he can't really
help it sometimes. He's probably going to have a harder time than James or Lily
letting him grow up. "I'm so sorry," Sirius tells him, kissing him on the top
of his head. "Why don't we go back up to bed?"
 
"Is everything okay?" Harry asks softly as Sirius carries him up the stairs.
 
"Of course, love." Sirius says softly.
 
"Were Mum and Dad arguing?" Harry asks. His big green eyes look so heavy and
sad, much too melancholy for a 9 year old.
 
"Mh, just a bit. Not anything to worry about," Sirius assures him. "God, but
you're getting huge," he says, readjusting his grip on Harry. "I don't think I
can carry you for much longer, pup," he says, and Harry giggles as he always
does when Sirius calls him 'pup.'
 
"But I love it when you carry me!" he says, leaning his head into Sirius' hair.
 
"Then stop getting so big," Sirius answers, pushing Harry's bedroom door open.
His nightlight is still on. He shuts the door behind him, carries him over to
his bed, and carefully lays him down on it. Harry scrambles under the blankets,
hesitates and then lifts them up invitingly. Sirius sighs loudly and
dramatically and begins to unlace his boots. "Fine," he says, jokingly. "If you
insist."
 
Harry curls up close to his back as he works on his second boot. "Padfoot?" he
asks.
 
"Yes, love?"
 
"What were they fighting about?"
 
Sirius makes a soft humming sound, carefully turning to crawl under the
blankets. Harry has to tuck himself into Sirius' arms for them to both fit
comfortably. "Well. I have a date tomorrow. And your dad doesn't want me to
go."
 
"Why not? Do you want to go?" Harry asks, looking interested in the glow of his
nightlight.
 
"I do, very much," he says, tugging the blanket up higher when Harry shivers.
"But the guy I'm going out with is a bit younger than me and your dad doesn't
like that."
 
"How much younger?"
 
"Well, he's 17."
 
"He's 10 years younger than you? That's gross," he says, and Sirius laughs and
buries his nose into the top of Harry's hair. He smells like kid's shampoo and
innocence. Sirius misses parts of that a lot, but mostly he's glad to have
grown up.
 
"It may seem that way to you now that you're so young, but someday 10 years is
going to seem like nothing."
 
"What's he like?" Harry asks.
 
And Sirius grins, because there is the Lily in him, or maybe even a bit of
Sirius himself. Harry may have Lily and James' genetics, but as far as the
nurture aspect is concerned, Sirius has as much of a shot as his real parents.
"He's lovely. He's sweet and funny and he's been through a lot of the same
things I have."
 
"Like what?” Harry asks, and when Sirius is silent for a moment, he says, “Oh.
Never mind."
 
Sirius smiles into the darkness above Harry's head. "Uh-huh," he says softly.
 
"Does he like you?" Harry asks.
 
"I think he does," Sirius answers.
 
"Maybe dad's worried that you're going to spend too much time with this guy,"
Harry suggests. "And you'll be too busy for us."
 
"That will never, ever happen, love," Sirius tells him. "Anyway, I don't think
that's it. Your mum is on my side, though, and so they're fighting."
 
"That's it?" Harry asks.
 
"Well, and your dad said something pretty bad that your mom isn't going to get
over quite so easily, but they'll work it out. I've seen your mum and dad go
through a lot, Harry, and never once have I even considered the idea that they
might split up,” Sirius tells him honestly, rubbing his hand in soothing
circles over Harry’s small back.
 
"They shouldn't be arguing while mum's pregnant like that," Harry mumbles, and
Sirius laughs.
 
"That I do agree with," Sirius says.
 
"Were you drinking?" Harry asks in a small voice.
 
"Mh, a little bit. I just got here when you came down."
 
Harry is quiet for a moment and then he says, "Was dad?"
 
"I believe he hadn't had much either. Your dad is not an angry drunk, love, and
he would never, ever lay a hand on your mum, especially while she's pregnant.
Don't worry,” Sirius reassures him.
 
Sirius can feel Harry's face burrowing into his chest. "Are you going to be
here tomorrow morning?"
 
"I don't think I'm staying tonight. Why?" Sirius asks.
 
"Have fun tomorrow, then," Harry says.
 
"Thank you, Harry. I'll be sure to let you know how it goes." Sirius responds.
 
"Will I get to meet him soon?" Harry asks.
 
Sirius laughs softly. Harry's back is so tiny under his fingers, so fragile.
"Maybe someday."
 
"Okay," Harry says, and then, "Goodnight, Padfoot. I love you."
 
"Goodnight. I love you, too, dear,” Sirius says, his voice warm and thick.
 
He stays curled up in Harry's twin sized bed until the body in his arms begins
to rise and fall at an even pace, and then he quietly and slowly slips out from
under the blanket and pulls his boots back on.
 
Downstairs, the lights are off and everything is put away. James and Lily
must've gone to bed. His glass is still full on the counter. He steps towards
it, but then takes it and dumps it down the drain before heading out.


***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Sirius takes an embarrassingly long time getting ready the next evening. He
tries on about five different dress shirts before he settles on a gray shirt
with a black tie, and even then he's fussing, snapchatting pictures of himself
to Lily to ask for advice until she finally tells him that it's 5:45 and he's
going to be late if he fools around anymore, so he slips on his dress shoes and
grabs his keys and goes.
 
He feels odd riding his bike in a suit jacket. He hasn't had to dress up for
anything in a very, very long time, least of all a date, so even scrounging up
his suit jacket and making sure it still fit felt odd. He'll be the first to
admit he does look good though, whether or not suit jackets are punk. Even if
the late October chill does bite as he flies through the air.
 
The coffee shop is a few short minutes away, and he gets there at 5:50. James
is inside, so he stays outside, leaning against the glass. It's late enough in
the season to be getting really chilly, especially in the shade of the shop. He
takes his ecig out and takes a long drag, releasing it slowly. He can feel his
nerves calming already. He falls into a soothing rhythm there by the window,
taking drag after drag of chocolate flavored nicotine.
 
"Hello," Remus says suddenly to his left, and Sirius nearly jumps out of his
skin in surprise. "So nervous that you're smoking? That can't be a good sign."
 
Sirius laughs and offers it to Remus who takes one long drag and passes it
back. His eyes shut as the smoke flares out of his nostrils. Sirius feels
himself go weak in the knees. "It's good nervous," he says, taking a good look
at Remus. He's got dark tan dress pants on, which, if Sirius can remember
right, is fine for the restaurant they're going to. He's probably overdressed,
if anything. He's also got those brown oxfords that Sirius adores on and a
light blue button-up with a dark blue tie. He’s wearing a dark gray unbuttoned
peacoat over it all, protecting him from the cold wind that Sirius feels so
intensely. "You look great," he says, finally.
 
"So do you," Remus says with a grin. "You clean up nice."
 
"I'd prefer not to clean up at all, but you know."
 
Remus laughs, stepping closer. "It's cold. You must be freezing without your
leather jacket."
 
"Well," Sirius begins in a low voice, dipping his head in. "I guess I'll just
have to find another way to warm up," he says.
 
"Are you kidding me with that line?" Remus asks, grinning. Sirius laughs, and
Remus can feel his warm breath hit his face just before leaning in to press
their lips together. Sirius tugs him in closer, pressing them flush together,
and Remus shuffles in until his feet are nearly between Sirius', and then it's
not so cold anymore.
 
"I was kind of expecting this to come after dinner," he murmurs, his lips
nearly still touching Remus'. "Not on the sidewalk as soon as I first saw you."
 
"But you're not as cold anymore, are you?”
 
Sirius laughs, stepping back. He takes his helmet off of the seat and tosses it
to Remus. "No, definitely not," he answers as Remus fits it over his head.
 
"You need to get a second helmet," he says as Sirius climbs on.
 
"I've already told you, helmets aren't punk," he jokes, putting the key in as
Remus settles in behind him, and well, his back is definitely warm, with Remus'
firm weight pressed against him from shoulders to hips. "Ready?" he asks once
Remus's arms are firmly around his waist.
 
"As I'll ever be," he answers, and Sirius turns the key and peels away. He
barely notices where he's going with Remus' body against his back like that,
and he almost winds up missing his turn, paying too much attention to the way
Remus' chin is resting on his shoulder.
 
The ride is too long and too short all at once, and in the parking lot, they
both linger together for a moment before getting up. Sirius carefully takes the
helmet, smiling at the surprised look on Remus' face as he tries not to mess up
his hair, and locks it up.
 
"Getting used to it?" Sirius asks, pushing his own long hair out of his face as
they head for the door.
 
"Eh," Remus answers. "It doesn't make me feel quite as sick anymore." Sirius
smiles over at him again and then bumps his hand into Remus' and takes it,
glancing over at a blushing Remus to gauge his reaction.
 
"Okay?" Sirius asks. Remus gives his hand a squeeze in reply.
 
"This is new," Remus says, glancing over at Sirius, who laughs as he hold the
door open for Remus, their hands slipping back apart.
 
"After you, my dear."
 
" God , you better not start calling me dear, though."
 
"What would you like better? Sweetie? Honey? Baby? Darling?"
 
"I'm going to be sick," Remus murmurs. Sirius throws his head back and laughs
as he follows Remus to the hostess stand.
 
She shoots them a dirty look, but Sirius is a pro at Not Being Embarrassed, as
Remus has quickly learned through desperately trying to hide his own blush when
he sees that Sirius himself is unaffected. He clears his throat now as Sirius
winks at the hostess and slips an arm around Remus' waist. "Table for two,
please," he says in a low, husky voice. Remus feels a chill go down his spine.
The hostess seems equally affected, and she smiles back, grabbing two menus and
leading them to their seats. Remus starts to feel a lot less underdressed when
he sees the plain red table cloth and general lack of romantic candles, or
whatever one would expect to find in a classy romantic restaurant, and begins
to think that maybe Sirius is a little overdressed, if anything.
 
"Someone will be over to take your order soon," she says, lingering for a
moment before giving up and walking away.
 
"This is so gay," Remus says, and Sirius instantly looks amused. "We are so
gay. You had your arm around my waist. We're together in a clearly romantic
restaurant. Why."
 
Sirius laughs and dips his head down to look at the table, and Remus thinks he
might be seeing a touch of embarrassment, or maybe Sirius is being humble, a
thought which might usually be good for a laugh. "I dunno, Remus. I have to
say. I've had girls all over me my whole life. It's disgusting."
 
Grinning, Remus glances up at Sirius' cool gray eyes. "Well, not to boost your
already enormous ego, but you are a veritable punk sex God, so I can't say I
blame them."
 
"Moony," he croons. "Do you really think so? I do try so hard, but..."
 
Remus rolls his eyes and begins to open the menu.
 
"You're adorable when you're all flustered," Sirius jokes, and Remus sighs and
turns the page.
 
"Hey, for real though, do you want a bottle of wine?" Remus glances up at
Sirius with a  look , so Sirius continues, "I mean if you don't that's fine.
James proposed to Lily here fresh out of school, and they had sparkling grape
cider, so it's not like--"
 
"Sirius," he says with  a soft smile. "If you don't think they're going to card
me then go ahead."
 
"Okay," he says. "I don't want to make it a thing."
 
"Mmh," Remus answers, eyes back down on the menu. "What are you getting?"
 
Sirius is thankful that Remus has enough tact to make up for his deficit. "Lily
highly recommended their baked lobster ravioli, so I think I'm going to try
that," he says.
 
"Did James really propose here?"
 
"Yeah. Well, they were basically high school kids so it's not like this is
necessarily a place worth proposing in, but."
 
"You are kind of adorably overdressed," Remus says with a smile, and Sirius
really does blush now, red warmth spreading over his face as he looks back down
to fiddle with his tie.
 
"Yes, well. Lily suggested, and--"
 
"You were asking Lily what to wear?" Remus asks, grinning.
 
"This is not getting better," he says, still avoiding eye contact. "Where's the
wine menu?" he asks as he grabs in from the center of the table. Remus laughs
and folds his own menu up, watching Sirius peruse the list of wines. "What are
you getting?" he asks.
 
"Well, if Lily recommends the lobster ravioli,” Remus answers.
 
A hint of a smile plays at Sirius' lips as he places the menu back in the
center of the table.
 
"So how are things going with James, anyway?"
 
"I... Let's not talk about that right now," Sirius says. "Have you thought
about university?"
 
"Well. I think I want to go? I definitely want to stay in the London area,"
Remus says, and then stops when he sees the waitress approaching.
 
"Hello," she says with a wide false smile. "Sorry about the wait. Can I get you
drinks to start, or are you ready to order?"
 
"We'll both have the baked lobster ravioli," Sirius says. "And a bottle of
Pinot Noir."
 
She smiles and nods and then scoops their menus up. "I'll be back with your
wine in a bit," she says, turning and heading away.
 
"Where did you learn how to order wine, anyway?" Remus asks
 
"I have no idea what I'm doing,” Sirius says with a grin, “And my only saving
grace is that you know even less about it that I do."
 
Remus laughs. "So what is it?"
 
"It's a red wine. I think Lily buys it sometimes? I don't really drink wine
ever unless Lily puts it out at dinner." Remus is grinning at him, so he asks,
"What?"
 
"It's cute that you eat dinner with them and even more so that you drink
whatever Lily puts out. You're like her oldest son that she keeps praying will
leave the coop someday soon."
 
"Please," Sirius says, "I'm the only one helping her hold on to her last thread
of sanity."
 
"I'm sure," Remus says.
 
"Lily loves me," Sirius says. "She's literally picking my side over her own
husband's in an argument. Possibly due to my overpowering charm yet again."
 
"Why do I doubt Lily finds you attractive in any way at all?" Remus asks dryly.
 
"You would not imagine the constant requests I get from those two for
threesomes, Remus. Constant! They hound me about it incessantly, begging,
pleading ."
 
"Sirius, you're going to make me ill,” Remus says with a grin. “Anyway, Lily is
taking your side because you're right."
 
"That's the easy way out."
 
Remus rolls his eyes but he's also smiling because Sirius must know that he's
right to be joking about it like that; Remus is glad to know that he's not
still doubting the whole thing because of the age difference, which is not
something that Remus is sure that he himself can say.
 
The waitress is back now, and she carefully sets down the two wine glasses and
the bottle of wine. "Enjoy," she says with a smile. "Your dinners will be out
soon."
 
"Thank you," Sirius answers as she turns to walk away. He takes the bottle and
turns the corkscrew and then begins to pour them each a glass. "The thing about
wine is that if you order it and it's gross because, well, wine is gross, you
can just send it back and say that there's something wrong with it and it's no
good and get like, Coke instead. So tell me if you don't like it."
 
"Well, it's got a lot to live up to," Remus jokes, taking one of the glasses.
"You set some pretty high expectations."
 
Sirius grins and then takes a sip of the remaining glass. "It's not bad," he
says.
 
Remus takes a sip as well. "Better than the shit my parents probably get at
Tesco for like 5 pounds a bottle."
 
"What a romantic description, Remus. Truly. Glad I made the right choice."
 
Remus' knees bump Sirius' under the table, and he scoots in a little bit more
to allow their knees to fit together. "I don't think it matters, really."
 
"Well, certainly not in the cosmic sense."
 
"Even in the tonight sense," Remus says. "This is, well,  nice , and that
certainly isn't dependent on the wine."
 
Sirius smiles at him soppily.
 
They continue to flirt coyly, hands slipping into each other on the table top
and knees sliding together, and Remus can feel the warm moments melt and flow
into one another as Sirius asks him about school and future plans and Remus
responds in kind with questions about what Sirius has done with his life and
what he plans to do in the future. Neither of them are awake enough to the
outside world to notice the time passing until their food comes, and even then,
they find things to talk about in between bites and sips of wine, and Remus
laughs and reaches over with a napkin when Sirius gets a blob of sauce on his
nose.
 
"Lily has good suggestions," Remus says when there are one or two ravioli left
on his plate. "Amazing that they're still as good, what, ten years later?"
 
"I know," Sirius answers, pushing his plate an inch or so into the table. A
waitress is over as soon as she sees the gesture.
 
"Would you like to go for dessert?" she asks.
 
"Just the check, please," Sirius says pleasantly, and then she's off to go get
it. "I have something for us at home," he says with a wink.
 
"Real dessert or making out?" Remus teases.
 
Sirius huffs out a quiet laugh. His eyes nearly sparkle. "Maybe a little bit of
both, if you're lucky."
 
The waitress returns with the book and sets it down. They both reach for it,
but Sirius gets there first.
 
" I  asked  you  out, didn't I?" he asks, and then sets about doing tip math in
his head. He leaves the amount in cash, but Remus doesn't get a chance to catch
how much. "Come on," Sirius says, nearly purring, and Remus is up and following
him immediately.
 
Out at the bike, Sirius fits the helmet over Remus' head this time, leaning in
to peck him on the lips once it's on. "Don't forget to hold on tight," he says.
 
The ride home is as smooth and calming as dinner was, possibly because of the
two glasses of wine flushing his cheeks just a bit. Sirius' back is broad and
warm, and Remus presses himself firmly against it, arms wound tightly around
Sirius' waist. At one red light, Remus leans forward to kiss Sirius' neck, and
he can feel Sirius' sharp intake of breath, but before either of them can say
anything, they're off again.
 
When Sirius stops his bike in front of his apartment building, Remus feels very
sedated and safe, despite the fact that it's now quite dark out. He climbs off
very lazily, taking his helmet off and pushing his hair out of his face as
Sirius takes the key out and stands. Sirius watches him with a grin, reaching
up to move one more piece of hair before grabbing his hand.
 
"I'm starting to see the appeal of the bike," Remus says, walking close to
Sirius as they enter the lobby and head for the elevator.
 
Sirius snickers as he presses the button for his floor, pulling Remus up
against his side. "Well, good, because I certainly don't mind having you
pressed up against my back either."
 
"Well, all you had to do was ask," Remus says, and Sirius laughs as the door
opens. He pulls Remus out into the hallway, leading him down to the left.
 
"Dessert first, I think," Sirius says in response, digging his keys out of his
pocket with his free hand. He has to let go to unlock the door, though, and
Remus quickly and discreetly wipes his sweaty palm on his jeans. "Well," Sirius
says, pushing the door open. "Would you like the tour?"
 
"Sure," Remus says, following him inside. Sirius shuts the door behind him and
then leads him down the hallway.
 
"Well, here to our right is the living room," he says, gesturing to the wide
wooden floored room. It's got a leather couch and a fairly large TV with a
coffee table that matches the TV stand. It looks too nice to be something that
Sirius would have, but then again, Sirius does have a pretty nice bike, and
Remus is reminded once again of how little he really knows about Sirius'
background. "And to the left here is the kitchen. Note the optimistic 3 chairs
at the table." Remus laughs. The kitchen is fairly nice though, with a full
fridge and an oven, though Remus can't see Sirius as an expert at cooking. He
almost wants to point out that marble countertops are not punk, but Sirius is
leading him further in. "This is the bathroom," Sirius says, gesturing to the
closed door, "and that last room down there is a room that I'll wait a few more
dates to show you," he adds with a wink.
 
"Your sex dungeon?" Remus guesses, and Sirius laughs suddenly, as if surprised.
 
"I wasn't going to bring it up, actually, but now that you've said
something..." he jokes.
 
Remus grins and leans in until his chest is touching Sirius'. "Is that the tour
then?"
 
"That would be it, although if you keep leaning on me like that I might show
you that last room early."
 
"What a shame that would be," Remus says, leaning in to press his lips to
Sirius'. Sirius only has a moment to make a soft, pleased sound before pulling
away.
 
"No," he says, "Really. Dessert."
 
Remus follows him into the kitchen and sits down, as per his instructions,
while Sirius rifles through the fridge. He comes out with a bakery box and
opens it to reveal a large, frosted brownie covered in chocolate whipped cream
and chocolate syrup.
 
"Oh my god," Remus says as Sirius grabs two forks. "Is this heaven?"
 
Sirius laughs and hands him a fork. He immediately takes a bite, closing his
eyes in ecstasy.
 
"Mmh. This is-- wow. Where did you even get this?" Remus asks.
 
"A bakery? They tend to sell brownies," Sirius says, looking quite amused as he
cuts a piece off with his fork.
 
"I think we need to stop seeing each other," Remus says, looking passionately
at the brownie. "I've found someone else."
 
"After all the effort I put in for this date?" Sirius asks with a grin. "Did
the brownie put a suit on for you?"
 
"The brownie looks beautiful enough as it is, Sirius."
 
They continue to laugh and flirt together until the brownie is gone, and Remus
almost looks regretful as Sirius puts the container in the garbage.
 
"That was practically orgasmic," Remus says as he stands and pushes his chair
in.
 
"So then I don't have very far to go to get you the rest of the way there,"
Sirius says. His voice has dropped back down to that sweet purr, and Remus
feels his amusement boil into hot arousal. Sirius steps closer and then tugs
Remus in by an arm around the waist, pressing their lips together. Remus is
nearly weak in the knees before Sirius has even stepped in to press his body
flush against his. He can feel Sirius' hips, firm against his, and he realizes
that this is what he's been waiting for all night; this physical closeness, to
be truly encompassed by Sirius, to feel completely surrounded and cocooned by
him. This time when Sirius' tongue grazes his lower lip, Remus parts for him,
and Sirius' tongue slowly and gently pushes into his mouth. Remus has never
thought that something so simple could be quite so erotic, but Sirius'
fingertips are digging into the small of his back, and Remus himself makes this
little noise involuntarily, and Remus isn't sure how much longer he can stay
upright.
 
Luckily, Sirius chooses that moment to pull apart just enough to duck his head
and rest his nose on Remus' jawline. "What do you think about moving this to
the couch?" Sirius asks.
 
"I think that sounds like a great idea," Remus answers, hooking his fingers
into Sirius' belt hoops to lead him to the couch. "And take that suit jacket
off."
 
"Yes, sir," Sirius says, shrugging it off. He carelessly tosses it onto the
coffee table before dropping down onto the couch. Remus sits next to him,
angled to face him, and Sirius nudges his knee almost under Remus' as he turns
to kiss him again. Sirius' muscled arms quickly close around Remus again, and
they return to where they were in the kitchen. Remus worms closer as one of
Sirius' hands drifts down to the waist of his khaki dress pants. Sirius makes a
small, contented noise as Remus' tongue grazes his, and if Remus wasn't half
hard before, he is now. When Sirius pulls away to kiss and nibble at his jaw,
he shifts to straddle Sirius, adjusting the bend of his knees until their hips
brush together, and his eyes shut in stunned pleasure when he feels Sirius'
cock below him, just as hard as Remus himself is. Sirius goes on nibbling at
Remus' neck. Remus half hopes there are bruises there later. He jerks his hips
into Sirius, and Sirius curses under his breath before lifting his head to kiss
Remus again.
 
Sirius' mouth is warm and still tastes vaguely of chocolate from the brownie.
Remus feels himself being pulled in by it helplessly. He grinds his hips down
and Sirius  whimpers  and thrusts right back. Remus thinks he may very well be
drowning and that he might not mind if he were to die right here, right now.
 
That's when his phone begins ringing quite loudly.
 
"Mmh," Remus says when he pulls away. "Just. One second."
 
"Sure," Sirius says, pushing a hand through his own hair to get it away from
his red face. Remus fishes his phone out of his pocket. His heart drops at the
word 'mum' on the screen.
 
"Hello?" he says, carefully climbing off of Sirius' lap.
 
"Where are you?" she says without preamble.
 
"Um. Out with a friend. I asked you if it was okay if I stay out late and you
said it was fine."
 
"I most certainly did not," she says, although Remus vividly remembers her
telling him it was okay. She might have been drinking. Remus doesn't remember
or even check anymore these days. "I want you home now. I'm locking the door in
20 minutes and then I'm not opening it until your father leaves for work in the
morning." Sirius' nose burrows comfortingly into his neck.
 
"Okay. I'll see you in a few minutes."
 
The line is dead. He pulls his phone away from his cheek to check, but yes, she
has hung up, and Remus sighs and turns to a sympathetic looking Sirius.
 
"I guess you heard that?"
 
"Yeah," he says, standing up and stretching. He's not hard anymore, Remus can't
help but notice, though he can't really blame him, considering.
 
"I'm sorry," he says, getting up as well. "I didn't think she'd do that."
 
"It's fine, really. Let's just get you home before you get in any trouble."
 
At the front door, Sirius takes his leather jacket down and hands it to Remus.
"Otherwise you'll freeze," he says as Remus tugs it on. It's a little big on
the shoulders, but it fits reasonably well. The elevator ride is quiet and
seems to drag on forever. Remus worries nervously at his lip.
 
Down by the bike, Sirius unlocks his helmet and hands it to Remus and gets on,
glancing over his shoulder to make sure Remus is on safely behind him before he
peels away.
 
Remus doesn't live far from the coffee shop, so the ride is quite short. They
manage to make all the lights without hitting any reds, and soon they're at the
street corner where Sirius left him the night they saw the movie. Remus climbs
off and hands the helmet back to Sirius.
 
"I'm sorry," he repeats.
 
"Listen," Sirius says. "You've got no reason to apologize. I'm not upset. I get
it. I had a lot of fun tonight, Remus."
 
"Me too," Remus answers, feeling painfully optimistic.
 
"I'll be working tomorrow morning if you want to drop by. Maybe we can talk
about when we can do that again?"
 
"I would love that," Remus says, leaning in. Sirius' motorbike roars between
them as Remus kisses him, short and sweet. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."
 
"Bye, Remus."
 
"Bye," Remus answers, shyly. He begins to lope off down the block as Sirius
turns and heads the other way.
Chapter End Notes
     Hey! So I know I said I'd try to post more before I start school
     (which is incidentally supposed to be today, but won't be because
     fucking snowzilla ruined the entire east coast) but that didn't
     really pan out because I've been busy and I haven't been writing or
     editing. But I have some new ideas and an idea for a new story which
     I'm not letting myself start until I finish this one, so that's
     motivation. Anyway. Sorry I suck at updating haha
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Lily comes in about a half an hour before she's supposed to switch off with
Sirius the next morning. He had trouble falling asleep after he dropped Remus
off last night, but despite tossing and turning for almost an hour, he feels
quite refreshed and energetic now.
 
"Hey," Lily greets him. Her hair is up in a messy bun and she's got bags under
her eyes. "How're you doing?"
 
"I am  glorious,  darling, but you look like you got hit by a truck. What
happened?"
 
"Ever the charmer," she says, grinning softly as she steps into the back to put
her bag away. "I've just still been having some issues with James," she yells
back.
 
Sirius picks at the corner of his cuticle as he waits for her to return, and
when she does, he sees that she's not, well, not quite bad enough to look like
she's gotten hit by something, but her brightness is dull around the edges.
"Are you okay, Lil?"
 
"Of course, love. Don't worry about me and James. You know how things work
out."
 
"Mhm," he says. "Are you sure?"
 
"We're going to be fine," she insists. "I'm just making him sweat it out until
he apologizes."
 
"Okay," he says, adjusting the stacks of cups behind the counter.
 
"Soooo," Lily prompts, and Sirius finds himself grinning stupidly at even the
abstract mention of his date.
 
"Yes, Lily?"
 
"Where's my play by play?"
 
Sirius laughs and turns to face her. He ends up looking at the counter top
anyway. "Well," he says. "It was, well. It was great. We had wine with dinner
and-- well, he got considerably tipsier than I did, and we had nice, tipsy
conversation, and we went back to my flat and we had this brownie that I got
from the bakery, you know, the one next door, and he really liked it and then
we made out on the couch for a while before, well, his mom called and told him
he had to go home."
 
"Was everything okay?"
 
"I mean. I don't know. I took him home right away, but he seemed very flustered
and anxious about having to leave right as things were getting, you know, and I
told him it was perfectly fine, but. I don't know. His mom seemed pretty mad.”
 
"I'm sure it will be fine, love," Lily says, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.
Sirius leans into her touch.
 
"He also said he'd come by this morning and he hasn't."
 
"Maybe he slept in?" she suggests.
 
Sirius shrugs.
 
"Well, it sounds like you two had a good time,” Lily reminds him, turning to
check on the various brews of coffee sizzling on the counter behind them.
 
"We did," Sirius says. "I just don't want to get him in trouble. I don't want
to cause more problems."
 
"Have you tried texting him?"
 
"No," Sirius says. "I don't know if his mom, like, checks his phone or
whatever."
 
"Well, I'm sure he'll be here soon. I'm glad that you like each other so much,"
she says positively, smiling at him.
 
"Yeah," Sirius says. "I told him that we should do that again soon and he
seemed excited. I just see so much of myself in him, you know? When I was
younger, mostly, I mean. And he doesn't have anyone like I had James, and he's
also, well, generally a better person than I used to be."
 
"Well, you and James had your moments, both of you, back then," she says. "You
both turned into nice adults though. Well, you did, anyway."
 
Sirius' lips twitch at the corner and Lily laughs, quite forced, and Sirius
leans forward on the counter so he doesn't have to look at her anymore.
 
"What happened after I left the other night, anyway?" Sirius asks.
 
"Oh. Well. I tried to talk to him but it didn't go very well and he was working
a double the next day so I let him go to sleep. Thank you for taking care of
Harry, by the way."
 
"Of course," Sirius says distractedly. Remus is at the window as Lily talks,
and then he's pushing the door open with rosy cheeks, bundled up in a tight
light brown tweed jacket and a pale grayish blue scarf. He's got Sirius'
leather jacket tucked under his arm. "I'm gonna head out, okay, Lils?"
 
She laughs. "Of course, dear," she says as Sirius steps in front of the
counter. "Have fun. Nice to see you, Remus."
 
"You too," Remus answers politely.
 
"Hey," Sirius says, tugging Remus close with an arm around his waist, still
standing near the door. He's not really looking forward to going out there and
getting on his bike. They're having a very cold day. "Did things go okay last
night?"
 
"Yeah," Remus says. "I mean, I made the 20 minute mark. And my dad was mad, but
what're you gonna do?"
 
"Nothing happened?"
 
"No," Remus murmurs. "I'm fine. Everything's fine."
 
"Okay," Sirius mumbles back, leaning in to kiss him softly. Remus pulls away
after not too long, flushing deep pink.
 
"Are you leaving?" Remus asks with a twinge of disappointment.
 
"You are very much invited back to my flat," Sirius tells him, taking his hand
and entwining their fingers.
 
"Well, it would be rude not to accept, wouldn't it?" Remus replies, and Sirius
laughs softly, turning to pull him out the door.
 
"Bye, Lily!" he shouts, and Lily has to yell her goodbyes back to be heard
above the sound of the bells over the door jingling.
 
"I have your jacket, by the way," Remus says, holding it out.
 
"Thanks," Sirius answers as he takes it, slipping it on easily. He's had it for
years now and it's worn in perfectly. "I hope your parents didn't notice and
ask you about it. I forgot to ask for it back last night."
 
"No, it was fine," he says, watching as Sirius climbs on the bike. "Like I
said, things went surprisingly okay last night for once."
 
Sirius starts the bike as Remus climbs on behind him. "I'm sorry," Sirius says.
"I just worry a lot. I know how awful it can get."
 
"It's okay. Just stop talking about it," Remus answers softly, resting his head
on Sirius' shoulder. His arms tighten around his stomach as well, and Sirius
grins subconsciously at their closeness as he pulls away from the curb.
 
Remus spends the whole ride nuzzling his neck. It makes it very hard to focus
on the road and very easy to be distracted by Remus' hip bones digging into his
back and the line of Remus' chest pressed firmly against his spine, especially
with the bike humming beneath them like mad. Sirius loves riding the bike with
another person: the way the world zips by around them while they're trapped in
their own bubble. This, however, is torturous. He leans back just barely into
Remus' chest, and he can feel Remus grin against his neck in response.
 
When Sirius finally pulls up in front of his apartment, he pauses for a moment
to try to contain himself. Remus, however, is standing up, laughing softly as
he leans down to kiss Sirius.
 
"I think I'd rather continue this upstairs," he murmurs, just inches away from
Sirius.
 
"You're going to kill me," Sirius complains as he gets off, pocketing the keys.
 
"Well, to be fair, it wouldn't make too bad of a tombstone inscription."
 
Sirius slips his fingers into Remus' as they enter the lobby and head straight
for the elevator. "They'll have to cover Harry's eyes at the funeral."
 
Remus shakes his head, just barely smiling as they step into the elevator.
After a moment he adds, "I am starting to like the bike, though."
 
"Of course you are,  seducing  me like that the whole ride home." Sirius
teases.
 
"That's your idea of seduction?" Remus asks. "Kissing your neck for three
minutes?"
 
"I didn't say I wasn't easy," he says with a grin. "Plus adding that bike to
any fantasy makes it a thousand times better."
 
"Innocent neck kissing is a fantasy now, is it?" Remus responds with big doe-
like amber eyes. The elevator lurches to a stop, and they step out and take the
few steps to Sirius’ front door.
 
"Well,  now, " he jokes, somewhat belatedly, rummaging through his pocket for
the key. Remus leans against the wall just next to the door, head resting
against the blue plaster, eyes closed. Sirius is always looking at him and
being struck by how attractive he finds him: the long column of his neck, his
just barely pointed chin, his round cheekbones. Every feature on Remus' long
face is rounded, and Sirius sees it a refreshing change, so different from his
own pointed features that he looks at in the mirror and thinks immediately of
his mother, no matter how much he tries to smear them in drugstore make-up.
 
"Sirius?" Remus asks, sounding quite amused, and then Sirius realizes that he's
been standing there holding the key for a solid minute now. He blushes as he
unlocks the door, and Remus laughs at him, giving his hand a squeeze before
letting go. They now finally step inside Sirius' small flat, and Sirius feels
the intensity of their aloneness prickle his skin. "You don't have to be
embarrassed."
 
"I'm sure you, too, have been awestruck by your own face in the mirror. It is
truly a lovely one." Sirius agrees, hanging up his jacket.
 
Remus smiles and begins pulling his scarf off. "Well, maybe just last night,
admiring your handiwork," he says as he hangs it on the coat hook.
 
"Hmm," Sirius says, inspecting the dark red hickey raised on the side of Remus'
neck. "Did I do that?"
 
"You did, you savage," Remus jokes, stepping forward to wrap his arms around
Sirius. “Although I did do a good job of covering it inconspicuously.”
 
“Where did you dig that scarf up, anyway? It looks like something from the
bottom of the bin at a bad thrift store,” Sirius says with a smirk, and Remus
laughs.
 
“Fuck you,” he says, grinning. “That’s my look, isn’t it?”
 
“Remus the Hipster, you mean?” Sirius asks.
 
“The one and only,” he answers. “Would it be too forward to ask to move to the
couch? Only I believe I owe you something.”
 
“Are we talking about the hickey or…?” Sirius asks coyly.
 
“Yes, we’re talking about the hickey,” Remus says with a grin, pulling out of
Sirius’ arms. He takes his hand and tugs him towards the couch. “You don’t even
have anyone to hide it from.”
 
Sirius grin as he sits down, just as last night, pulling Remus down on top of
him. “Please, James and Lily are basically my parents.”
 
“Lily isn’t gonna yell at you for getting a hickey,” Remus answers, pressing
his lips to the corner of Sirius’ sharp jaw. “James might.”
 
“Fuck James, then,” Sirius answers, craning his neck to give Remus more room.
"He's got his own relationship to worry about."
 
Remus freezes above him. “There’s something to worry about?”
 
“No,” Sirius says. “They’re gonna be fine, Remus. Really.”
 
“Are you sure?”
 
“I’ve talked to Lily about it multiple times. I’m not worried,” he says, which
is mostly true, and Remus looks at his eyes for a moment before dipping down to
kiss him.
 
“Lily’s pregnant,” Remus murmurs against Sirius’ lips. “If they split up
because they’re fighting about us…”
 
“It’s not about us anymore, Remus,” he answers. “Really, they can handle their
own problems. They’ve been together for like a million years, nothing’s going
to happen.”
 
“Okay,” he answers softly, kissing the corner of Sirius’ mouth. “You’ll tell me
if something happens?”
 
“Yes,” Sirius says, half laughing as his hands curl around Remus’ hips. “Now
shut up about my stupid friends.”
 
Remus smiles as he leans back in to kiss Sirius. Sirius is always so warm and
ready when he tries to kiss him. He likes the way Sirius is just as aggressive
as he himself is, never yielding and submissive, and he likes the way he leads
once Remus lets him know what he wants, even during those few minutes last
night.
 
Last night, when Sirius had made an orgasm joke and they’d proceeded to
practically grind on the couch until they’d been interrupted and Remus had been
unable to find out if Sirius had actually been joking or not. Though he’d like
to know.
 
He pulls away for a moment to duck his head and line the side of Sirius’ neck
with kisses. He has to go almost all the way down to his collarbone before he
finds the spot that makes Sirius’ breath catch when he lingers there too long,
and he nips at the skin there two or three times before sucking gently and
soothingly. Sirius’ breathing is shallow and uneven, and Remus can feel the
inconsistent fluctuations of Sirius’ chest against his own.
 
“Fuck, Remus,” Sirius mumbles as Remus kisses the reddening mark. “Have you
ever done that before?”
 
“No,” he says, sitting back to look at Sirius’ half-lidded eyes. “Why?”
 
“Seems like you’ve had some practice you’re not telling me about,” Sirius
murmurs. Remus’ mouth hangs open just a bit in surprise, and the corner of
Sirius’ lips turn up as he tugs him back in to kiss his already parted lips.
Remus has yet to come up with a description of this that does not include the
word  melting , but that’s what it is, a burning hot warmth that boils his
stomach and makes his head hazy with heat waves and sucks him in, burning his
essence down into a malleable form that fits against Sirius’ with perfect
precision. Sirius’ hips lift in a smooth motion to brush against Remus’ again,
and Remus can feel the hard bulge of his erection dig firmly into his pelvic
bone, and without alcohol making his mind all fuzzy he feels kind of stunned
and excited, though not necessarily in a bad way. He ruts down against Sirius,
angling his hips until his own cock rubs along Sirius’. Sirius makes a soft,
desperate sound in the back of his throat, and Remus is only encouraged, moving
roughly and firmly now. Sirius seems to like this even more, and his kisses
become slightly sloppy, tongue pressing eagerly but inexpertly against Remus’.
Remus tries desperately to find the right angle to get their cocks to brush
again, but Sirius just keeps thrusting up into his hip while he ruts against
Sirius’, which isn’t so bad, he supposes, especially considering Sirius smells
like concentrated Sirius smell, all cologne and sweat and coffee and fake
chocolate smell from his e-cig, and Sirius’ fingertips must be white from how
hard he’s holding onto Remus’ hips.
 
“Here,” Sirius murmurs, pulling away, and he adjusts Remus’ hips and then
thrusts up himself and now their hard lengths slide along each other again, and
Sirius moans breathily into Remus’ ear, and Remus starts to think that his
jeans are impossibly tight. He repeats the gesture, and Remus thinks he may
actually be burning alive. He slides his hands under Sirius’ black t-shirt and
over his lower stomach, which, unsurprisingly, nearly singes his hands, but the
skin is there and bare under his fingertips. Sirius isn’t very muscled, but his
stomach is firm, and Remus slides his hand up further until Sirius’ shirt
lifts.
 
Remus pulls away, hips still pressed firmly into Sirius, and says, “You need to
take your fucking shirt off.”
 
Sirius pauses and then says, “You like my lip ring, right?”
 
Remus looks up at it now and thinks of the lovely gleam of the metal, now wet,
and how it presses into his own lips when they kiss, and the digging firmness
of it against his neck, and he’s sure Sirius just felt his cock twitch, if the
knowing smirk on his face means anything, and probably has his answer.
 
“Okay, then,” he says, oddly smug, and tugs his shirt over his head in one
swift motion.
 
“Fuck,” Remus says before any of the nerves in his brain can scrape together
any real coherent thoughts. Both of Sirius’ nipples have small barbells through
them. “Um.”
 
Sirius laughs, soft and breathy, and leans in to kiss Remus again. How he never
felt  that before is beyond him, but now he can feel the hard press of the
metal against his chest every time he or Sirius shifts, which is quite often,
considering the pace of their thrusts now. Remus’ fingers trail back up Sirius’
chest, and eventually they find one of Sirius’ nipples, and he’s careful in
stroking the pad of his thumb over the stiff bud. Sirius pulls away to curse
under his breath and Remus ducks his head to watch as Sirius’ rosy pink nipple
hardens under his touch.
 
“It,  fuck , the piercings make them, um, more, more sensitive,” he says
brokenly, thrusting forcefully up. At the last crack in Sirius’ voice, Remus
feels his balls tighten
 
He leans forward enough to bite Sirius’ neck, just where it meets his shoulder,
a guttural moan slipping out, especially growl-like, from between his teeth.
One last nicely aimed thrust on Sirius’ part has their hard cocks sliding
cleanly against one another, and even through two pairs of jeans, Remus is
clutching Sirius’ side and moaning audibly as he comes.
 
“ Fuck , Remus,” Sirius moans. Remus is distantly aware of Sirius readjusting
the angle of his hips, and Remus breathes deeply for a second before leaning in
to nip lovingly at Sirius’ neck, just above the first spot, and then Sirius’
frantic thrusts lose their even pace and he’s moaning throatily into Remus’
shoulder, cursing softly as the grip of his fingers tightens, then loosens.
 
“I. Um,” Sirius says after a warm, quiet moment, his voice dry and scratchy.
“You can go to the bathroom and clean up if you’d like. But come right back
please because this is very nice.”
 
Remus grins and kisses the side of Sirius’ neck softly before forcing himself
to stand. Sirius watches him walk to the bathroom, half dazed.
 
He takes a few extra minutes in the bathroom to splash water on his face and
inspect his hickey once again. Once he steps out, he can tell that Sirius has
gone and changed as well. He’s now sitting on the couch in a pair of athletic
shorts and a t-shirt, which is a shame, because Remus would’ve really preferred
that he stay shirtless. He’s got his phone in hand and he’s grinning widely,
but as soon as the bathroom door creaks, he puts the phone down.
 
“Hey,” he says, holding his arms open, and Remus walks over and curls up next
to him. "You really went all out on my neck," he teases as Remus burrows into
his shoulder. He tugs Remus closer until he can reach to bury his nose in
Remus' hair as well.
 
"Well, maybe you shouldn't have been being so bitable," Remus murmurs and
Sirius laughs, more at the lack of attempt than anything, and kisses Remus'
lone hickey. He still has that warm and spent feeling, his head swirling with a
rosy haze. "Did it hurt?" Remus asks.
 
"When I fell from heaven?"
 
Remus snorts. "I cannot imagine any divine figure putting up with you for very
long at all. No, your nipple piercings, you idiot."
 
"Oh," Sirius says, reaching one hand up to touch Remus' hair. "Well, yeah, a
little, but I wanted them anyway." He pauses, his fingers trailing along Remus'
back. He can feel the warmth of his skin even through the fabric. "Do you like
them?"
 
"Of course I do," he says, grinning. "Did you just ask for the ego boost?"
 
Sirius' lips trail along on his neck, just under his ear. "I  care  about your
opinion, Remus."
 
"You knew," he murmurs, grinning. "How did you decide to get them?"
 
"Hmm, but this is a romantic story," he says. "When I was 18 I fucked a guy I
met at a gay bar who had them and I thought it looked cool so I went and got
them after I left the next morning."
 
"Oh, lovely. You'd think that you limit your exposure to STDs to like, at least
once every 24 hours."
 
"Hey, he wore a condom," Sirius says, and the emphasis is not on the  he  but
Remus certainly notices regardless. "And the piercing place was clean. I was
reckless, not stupid."
 
" He  wore the condom?"
 
"Yes he did," Sirius says, nipping Remus' earlobe. "Questions?"
 
"Not really? Just surprise. Is that a thing? If you hook up with a guy and
you're the less experienced one you bottom?"
 
Sirius laughs, suddenly and nearly condescendingly, resting his forehead on
Remus' shoulder. "No," he says, "I offered, and if you mean us, you're
certainly never going to be obligated to do anything at all that you don't want
to."
 
"I didn't, really, but... why?"
 
"Why did I offer?"
 
"That's the question," Remus says, pressing his hot cheek to the side of
Sirius' head. This  is  nice, but he kind of wants to see Sirius' face instead
of the wall in front of them, however nice this shade of blue is.
 
"I like it," Sirius says simply.
 
"Doesn't it hurt?"
 
As if reading Remus' mind, Sirius pulls back and looks him in the eye. "No, not
unless your partner is an asshole," he says, and then, "Pardon the pun," and
then he's laughing at his own dumb joke.
 
"Awful," Remus says, but he is smiling a bit. He's just so full of quiet
euphoria, tangled up in Sirius' arms, draped over his lap; it's lovely and calm
and warm and so very comfortable, and more than just physically so.
 
"If you have any questions, just ask me," Sirius says. "God knows no one should
have to have the mortifying learning experiences I had, with frustrated
strangers who weren't willing to stop and explain."
 
"Did you go to bars a lot when you were younger?" Remus asks.
 
"Well, between graduating and finding out Lily was pregnant, yeah. It was less
than a year but I did. Does that bother you?" Sirius asks, idly tracing hearts
with his thumb on the back of Remus’ hand.
 
"No," he says. "I mean, that was nearly 10 years ago."
 
"It was," Sirius says. "I mean, I've been since, but more for going to a club
than for looking for casual sex." Remus blushes at the blunt phrasing and looks
away and Sirius grins and leans in to brush the tips of their noses together.
"What?" he asks, grinning.
 
"Nothing," Remus says. "I should probably go soon, though."
 
"Are you sure, you embarrassed baby?" Sirius asks, still half grinning. "It
hasn't been that long."
 
"You know, my mum and all. Anyway..."
 
"Date number two?"
 
"Well, if you're suggesting," Remus says with a cheeky grin.
 
"How about," Sirius says, "You come over and I'll make dinner and stuff? Unless
you'd rather go out somewhere."
 
"No, that's perfect," Remus says. "When?"
 
"I'm not working Wednesday at all," he says. "What do you think about Wednesday
night? Would that be okay?"
 
"Probably. Depends when and how much my mum drinks," and he says it like he
thinks it's funny, but Sirius has to disagree.
 
"Well."
 
"I'm kidding, mostly," Remus says. "It won't be a problem." He begins to stand
up, holding a hand out for Sirius, who takes it and follows.
 
"Do you want a ride?" Sirius asks, already reaching for his key and jacket.
 
"No, no, it's fine, I'll walk," he says. "See you tomorrow? When are you
working?"
 
"Morning again. I'm there 'til 3," Sirius says, hesitating with his coat still
in his hand. "Are you sure?"
 
"I'm positive," Remus says, wrapping an arm around Sirius' bicep as he leans in
to kiss him. "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon, if only for a few minutes."
 
"Okay," Sirius says softly, handing Remus his own coat and scarf instead. "Make
sure you cover that hickey," he reminds him with a grin.
 
"Of course," he says, carefully adjusting the scarf. "I'll see you," he
repeats. "One more," he adds, and then he leans in and kisses Sirius once more,
his lips lingering as Sirius' fingers meet his hip.
 
"Okay," Sirius says, pulling away at last. "Get out."
 
Remus laughs as Sirius pushes at him, fumbling with the doorknob. "Bye," he
says once he's finally got the door open, and then it's shut again, once and
for all.
Chapter End Notes
     Hey! Sorry the update took so long, I started school last week and
     time's just kind of been whipping by. I've also been pretty depressed
     lately and I haven't been in the mood to write, so we'll see if my
     meds start working again soon so that I can get another chapter
     posted again. If not, then that's why. I'm definitely going to come
     back at some point though? It's just as for right now romance is
     making my stomach churn. So we'll see how that goes!
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
 
Wednesday morning is lovely and bright and sunny, and best of all, Sirius gets
to sleep in. He opens the curtains when he wakes up, and even though the wind
is chilly outside, the whole room is warmed by the sunlight. He plays music in
the background as he makes himself a plate of pancakes for breakfast and
manages to avoid dripping batter on his shirt. The world feels warm and fuzzy
and full of Good Feelings about everything (though especially Remus). He had
shown up at the coffee shop at 1:00 yesterday, coyly saying that Sirius had
turned him into such a bad boy, look at him cutting school, and they'd kissed
and talked for an hour before Lily came and chased them out of the store,
complaining that Sirius had burned the coffee, and then they'd kissed some more
on Sirius' bike before Remus made his excuses and went home. Not that he
wouldn't have been perfectly welcome coming back to Sirius' flat, Sirius
thinks, setting his plate down at the table and beginning to dig in. Not that
Sirius wasn't dying to get Remus into his bedroom after their little escapade
on the couch. He gets half hard just remembering Remus' warm body above his on
the couch, breathing heavily into his ear as he ground his hips down.
 
"Fuck," Sirius says to no one in particular. He thinks about taking a shower
later. Probably a warm one, and maybe he'll bring his lube. He loves slow, lazy
mornings like this one, although he has to admit that they're even better when
they lead up to a date with Remus, especially one where they'll be alone in his
flat. Prodding at his pancakes with his fork in his right hand, he absently
reaches under the table to palm his cock.
 
Once he's finished, he puts his dishes in the sink to be washed later and heads
to his bedroom to dig through his dresser. He finds a black v-neck sweater and
a pair of jeans that he knows hug his ass quite well, and piles them on top of
his dresser and then, thinking of his plans for later that night, adds a pair
of his newest and nicest boxers as well.
 
Inside the bathroom, he waits until his shower water is running hot to take his
boxers off and get in. His cock is still half raised. Part of what is arousing
him is the idea of even needing to wear nice underwear for Remus, but he
doesn't think a hand job is necessarily an improbability. In fact, he thinks,
leaning on the wall as he curls a hand around the base of his shaft, Remus
might even come into his room that night. They'd make out on the bed, Remus'
tight, warm body entangled with his own, and then their hips would meet, and he
would assure Remus that there are better ways to do that and pull the zipper
down over Remus' lovely hard length, tugging his jeans and boxers down to his
knees as he'd reach out and wrap a warm, large hand around him, listening to
him breathing heavy in his ear the way he had last time. Sirius' own cock
twitches at the fantasy, swelling quickly in his hand. He gives a few quick
pulls, resting his other elbow on the shower wall. He thinks of Remus in here
with him, of Remus shoving his hands away and stroking him himself while he
smiles that nearly predatory smile, of Remus dropping to his knees to suck him
off, pink lips stretched red over the base of Sirius' cock, and then he trails
a thumb through the precome at the tip of his cock and imagines Remus tasting
that and then he's coming with a shocked cry, cum splattering to the shower
floor and then marbling in the water to head down into the drain.
 
The rest of his shower continues in peace, and he sighs happily as he washes
his hair, nearly humming with pleasure.
 
---
 
Sirius' phone starts to ring just after he gets out of the shower. He's still
pulling his jeans on when he reaches for the phone to check the caller ID.
 
It's Lily. He quickly answers it and holds it up to his cheek. "Hello?"
 
"Padfoot?" asks Harry's wavering voice.
 
"Harry?" he answers, blood running cold at the terror in his godson's voice.
"What's wrong, love?"
 
"Mum and dad have been arguing really bad for the past few days but just now
she asked me to wait in the car while she went in to talk to dad, and then they
started arguing even worse and she threw a mug at him and now they're screaming
so loud I can hear them, and--"
 
"Okay," Sirius quickly interrupts his godson’s frantic words, pinching the
phone between his cheek and shoulder as he zips his jeans. "Okay, I'm gonna
come get you, Harry. What do you think about staying with me for a while to
give your mum and dad some time to talk and cool down?" he asks. The other
option is that either Lily or James leave, and he'd really like to prevent that
as much as possible; he doesn’t know what he’d do if they split up.
 
"Okay, Padfoot."
 
"If your mom comes out, tell her to wait for me."
 
"Okay. See you."
 
"See you, love," he answers, hanging up. At the front door, he puts his shoes
on without worrying about socks.
 
The speed with which he drives to the coffee shop is not necessarily safe,
especially considering the thick layer of sweat pooling beneath his palms on
the handle bars. Lily’s Audi is parked right out front where he usually leaves
his bike, and he swings into the space behind it, shutting the engine with
shaking hands as he gets off. He walks around to the passenger’s seat and opens
the door, gingerly resting his arm against the roof to lean down to look at
Harry’s nervous green eyes.
 
“Hi,” Harry greets. His face is much too pale for the warm autumn afternoon.
His teeth catch his bottom lip.
 
“Don’t do that, love, you’ll make it bleed,” Sirius says, reaching in to kiss
him on the forehead.
 
“Mum went in the back,” Harry says, glancing anxiously at the shop. “I think
she’s crying. Why would Dad be making her cry?”
 
“Oh, f--” Sirius begins, and then stops before he can complete the word, “I’ll
be right back, love. Then we can go get some of your things and you can come
back to my flat for a little bit, okay?”
 
“Okay,” Harry says, looking off into the distance with furrowed eyebrows.
 
“I love you, kid,” Sirius says, half closing the door. “So do they. You know
that, love? This isn’t about you.”
 
“I know,” Harry says, halfway between amusement and annoyance. “Please go check
on her?”
 
“Right,” Sirius says, and then he shuts the door the rest of the way and pushes
into the shop.
 
“Sirius,” James greets in a monotone. Sirius sees him drying his hands with a
paper towel in the periphery.
 
Sirius can’t stand to look at his calm face while his son and wife are so
upset. He marches determinedly across the shop and pushes his way into the
backroom. “Lils?” he calls.
 
“Sirius?” she answers, looking up and dabbing at her eyes. She’s slumped up
against the wall, sitting on the floor. Sirius lowers himself to sit right next
to her. “What are you doing here? I was just going to call you, but I can’t
find my phone.”
 
“You left it in the car,” Sirius says. “Harry called me. He’s freaking out
about you and James.”
 
“Oh, shit,” she says. “He hasn’t said anything to me, though.”
 
“He just called me panicking and asking if I could come get him, Lils.”
 
“Fuck,” she says, avoiding eye contact. Lily rarely curses. If she’s cursing,
it’s bad, Sirius thinks, like a child who hears their mother cursing. He forces
himself to stay by her side, fighting the instinct to run and hide while she
works out the problems.
 
“I think maybe he should stay with me for a few days while you and James work
things out.”
 
Lily looks horrified. “Oh, Sirius, but you can’t… I mean, you can’t just  take
him , sleepovers at your flat are one thing, but--”
 
“Lily, I grew up in a house where people were constantly screaming at each
other and everyone hated one another and drank to forget about that. I don’t
want Harry anywhere near that, and I don’t want either you or James thinking
you need to leave so that Harry doesn’t have to be near that. I’d much rather
have him for a few days while you and James work out what’s what.”
 
“How’ll he get to school?”
 
“Well. I don’t know. If you let me borrow the car it wouldn’t be a problem. You
shouldn’t even be driving anyway, Lils.”
 
“I can still drive,” she complains. “I guess. Okay. Let’s do that. Just for a
couple of days.”
 
“Okay,” Sirius says, standing, and then he offers a hand to Lily, who struggles
to get up. “Let’s go get a bag packed for Harry and then I’ll take him back to
my flat.
 
"Thank you," she tells him once she's up. "I just... I don't know what's going
on with him, but he's..."
 
"You'll work it out," Sirius tells her, pulling her into a hug. He can feel her
pregnant stomach against his, and her forehead rests on his shoulder. "He's
just... I don't know. Maybe he's jealous? Of Remus for getting to spend time
with me,” he says, and he means for it to come out as a joke but it doesn’t;
he’s too bitter about the way James is acting to make light of it.
 
"I don't know," she says. "You know, I never would've guessed way back when I
agreed to go out with James that you would end up the more mature one. Maybe I
picked the wrong one out of you two," she says. Her voice is only half-joking.
 
"Whoa," Sirius says, laughing softly as he steps back nearly immediately. "Have
you forgotten that I'm, you know, really gay?"
 
"No, I know, and I wouldn't be able to put up with you alone for extended
periods of time, so that would kind of, you know, put a damper on those plans,
but you'd be such a great dad," she says, nibbling at her nails. She's looking
at him with this lost look in her eyes. He's got no idea how to be the backbone
in their friendship; she's never shown any serious signs of weakness.
 
"Listen to me, Lil: James is an asshole a lot of the time, but he loves you
like mad and he wants what's best for both of your children. He adores you and
Harry and the new kid you have growing in there. Whether or not he's acting
like a prick right now."
 
Lily reaches up to dab at her eyes one last time. "Okay. I'm gonna go tell him
what's going on. Can you wait in the car with Harry?"
 
"Of course. Good luck," he tells her, pushing the door open to hold it for her.
 
She walks past with her head ducked, heading for the counter. Sirius walks
right out the front door without looking back.
 
"Hey," Sirius greets Harry as he opens the driver's side door and climbs in.
 
"How'd it go?"
 
"Well, they're upset now, but your mom thinks it's a good idea, so this is what
we're going to do," he explains, putting on his seatbelt.
 
"What are they talking about?" Harry asks, looking over Sirius out the window,
and Sirius follows his gaze to see James looking miserable and nodding.
 
"She's telling your dad what's going on so he doesn't worry about you. Why
don't you climb in the backseat so your mom doesn't have to squish her pregnant
belly back there?"
 
Harry climbs over the seat divider in the middle. Sirius adjusts his mirrors
and then glances in to see Harry putting his seatbelt on. "What does Mum want
to do?"
 
"Well, she wants your dad to stop being such an idiot, but she doesn't want to
split up with him. They love each other, Harry. They've been together for so
long. The only reason this is being blown out of proportion is that everyone's
tense about the new baby."
 
"But why are they so upset with each other if this is about you?"
 
"It's not just about me, love. Your dad's upset about what I'm doing so he's
acting like, well, a tit, and your mother isn't about to put up with it. And
everyone’s stressed right now, with the baby coming so soon."
 
Harry cracks a smile at the insult but then settles himself back into the seat
cushion. The passenger side door opens and Lily climbs in, and Sirius had been
focusing on Harry so much he hadn't noticed her leaving the shop.
 
"How'd it go?" he asks.
 
"Well, he's upset, of course. He doesn't want things to be at a point where
Harry doesn't feel safe in our house, obviously, but it was a sad upset, not an
angry kind."
 
Sirius starts up the engine and pulls back onto the road. "Harry, have you had
lunch?" he asks, not too subtly trying to change the topic. Harry is under
enough pressure as it is; he certainly doesn't need to get the idea that he's
making his dad upset.
 
"No," Harry says. "We were coming home from the dentist," he tells Sirius,
which Sirius knew, because the kid's doctor appointments  go on his own
calendar, too.
 
"How was that?"
 
Harry groans. "I've got a cavity."
 
"It's because you don't brush long enough," Lily scolds, even as she stares
solemnly out the window.
 
"It's  boring ," Harry complains.
 
Sirius laughs. "You've got to brush, love. Especially if you hate the dentist
so much."
 
"I know," Harry says, and then, "How long am I going to be staying with you?"
 
"I don't know yet, pup," Sirius says, and Lily turns to look at him as she
always does when he uses that nickname, founded years ago when Harry was still
just a tiny baby and Lily told him she didn't want a savage dog holding her
child.
 
"Hopefully not too long," Lily tells him softly.
 
The ride continues in silence. Harry slumps against the car door, looking out
the window. Sirius cannot deal with that much sulking in one car. He turns off
of the main road eventually, absently turning down side streets until he's at
Lily and James' house. He could probably walk here in his sleep; this house
will always be home to him, no matter how nice his flat is.
 
"Let's just pack for a few nights," he tells Harry as they get out and walk up
the cement path to the front door. "And if we need to come back and get more
things, we can do that."
 
"More than a few days?" Harry asks, surprised, and Sirius runs a hand through
his hair as Lily unlocks the door.
 
"Well, I hope not," he answers.
 
Lily helps them pack up properly, making sure Harry has fresh clothes,
including socks and underwear, his toothbrush, and his school things. She also
gives Sirius a box of his favorite cereal bars.
 
"Make sure he goes to bed early," Lily says at the front door. "And make sure
he eats okay. I know you know how to cook if you try. And don't let him eat too
much candy or anything."
 
"I've done this before," Sirius says, looking amused. "I can take care of you,
right, Harry?"
 
"Yeah," he answers, somewhat distracted, gazing out the front door.
 
"We're good," he says, smiling at Harry. He’s never seen so much concern on
such a small face. "We'll see you soon, Lil."
 
"I'll see you," she says, bending a bit to hug Harry. "I love you," she says,
“Be good for Sirius, okay? Call me tonight.” She stands up and hugs Sirius,
adding, "You too," into his ear.
 
Sirius sees her watching from the front door as he leads Harry to the car.
"It'll be fine," he says again.
 
"I know," Harry answers, getting in the passenger seat. Sirius climbs in on the
opposite side, putting his seat belt on and starting the engine. "I'm just
usually excited to stay with you but I'm worried about Mum and Dad. What if
they decide they don’t want to be together anymore?"
 
"You don't have to worry, Harry. They're fine, I promise you."
 
"Still. I'm sorry I called you earlier. I don't mean to bother you."
 
Sirius looks over at Harry. His embarrassed display of guilt makes Sirius’
heart hurt. “You could never bother me, love. Being there for you when you need
me will always take priority,” he assures Harry, then promptly remembers his
plans for the night. "Shit," he says before he can stop himself.
 
"What?"
 
He glances over at Harry’s surprise and grimaces. "Remus was supposed to come
over tonight and I totally forgot. Sorry for cursing. It’s not a big deal
though, he can come over any time."
 
"He can still come tonight," Harry insists. "I don't mind."
 
"I don't know if that's a good idea," Sirius says hesitantly. "I don't want to
freak him out by introducing him to the family too quick and all."
 
"Yeah, but I want to meet him," Harry insists. Sirius looks over. He's got his
bag on his lap, and it's nearly as big as he is. He laughs at the sight, then
nods hesitantly.
 
"I'll ask him if he wants to. You better not embarrass me, though,” he jokes.
 
Harry's grinning most of the ride back. When they're only a few minutes away
from Sirius' flat, he turns to look at him again for a moment and then asks,
"Why do you wanna meet him so bad?"
 
"He's important to you," Harry says. "I mean, isn't he going to be around a
lot?"
 
"Hopefully," Sirius says, face flushing. "I mean, we're not getting married or
anything."
 
"I know," Harry says. "Still. If you care about him so much he must be
special."
 
Sirius feels silly parking his football mom car in front of his apartment
complex, but it is what it is. He lugs Harry's things into the elevator, Harry
himself following close behind.
 
"He is,” Sirius says belatedly. “I think you'll like him," he adds. "He's...
well, he's an awful lot like me, but he's also kind of like your mom in a lot
of ways."
 
"As long as he doesn't make me eat my peas," Harry says, and Sirius laughs as
the elevator slows to a stop.
 
"I'm not going to make peas. I hate them just as much as you do."
 
"Thank god," he says. "Can we get pizza?"
 
"Slow down, kid," Sirius says as they head down the hall. "I said no peas, but
I’m still cooking. How about pasta?" he asks. "I've got garlic bread, but it's
the frozen kind."
 
"Okay," Harry agrees. "I like pasta.”
 
Sirius grins as he digs through his pocket for the key, setting Harry's bag
down. "I know you do, love.”
 
"Take your bag into the guest room," Sirius says once he’s got the door open,
pushing Harry's backpack full of clothes into his arms. "Don't make too much
noise, I'm going to call and ask, okay?"
 
"Okay," he agrees easily once again, and then turns and heads down the hall.
 
Sirius can hear him taking his things out as he finds Remus in his contacts and
dials. It rings a few times before Remus answers with a soft, "Hey, what's up?"
 
"Hey," Sirius returns. "Um, about tonight, the thing is that, well, you know
how James and Lily have been fighting a lot?"
 
"Yeah?"
 
"Well, Harry asked if he could come stay with me until they can patch things
up, so of course I said yes, and so he's just going to be staying with me for a
bit."
 
"Oh. Well. That's okay," he says, but Sirius can hear the disappointment in his
voice. "We can do whatever another time."
 
"Well, if you want," Sirius says. "I was hoping you'd still come, though," he
adds.
 
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Remus answers after a moment of hesitation.
“Just because James, well, maybe doesn’t seem to like me. And is Harry okay
with it?”
 
“Fuck James. It was Harry’s idea.”
 
“It was his idea?”
 
“Well, he wants to meet you and see if you’re worth the fuss,” Sirius jokes.
“So will you come?”
 
“Um. Yeah. I guess so?”
 
“Okay,” Sirius answers. “I’ll see you around 5?”
 
“Sure,” Remus answers. “Bye.”
 
“Bye, Moony,” Sirius answers, and he just catches the faded tip of Remus’
laughter as he hangs up.
 
“Hey, kiddo!” Sirius calls into his back hallway. “Remus is coming at five!”
 
“He is coming?” Harry asks, stepping out.
 
“He is,” Sirius affirms, watching him walk over with a look of bright interest
on his face. “Do you want me to make meatballs?”
 
“Can you put cheese in them like like Mom does?” Harry asks.
 
“I sure can,” he answers. “You’ve got to help though. Come on, you can chop up
the cheese.”
 
                                    ******
 
When the doorbell rings at 4:45ish, Sirius shouts, “Coming!” and quickly sets
the spoon he had been stirring the sauce with down on the counter as he heads
for the door.
 
“Hi,” Remus greets once the door’s open, smiling that almost shy, nervous smile
he had on their first date. Sirius dips in and kisses him softly.
 
“Hey,” he says. “We were just in the kitchen,” he says. “Come on in.”
 
Remus follow him reluctantly into the kitchen. Harry is carefully slicing a
loaf of garlic bread into slices and loading it into a basket, but he looks up
when Remus follows Sirius in the doorway.
 
“Hi,” Harry greets without preamble.
 
“Harry, this is Remus,” he says. “Remus, Harry.”
 
“Hey,” Remus greets, somewhat shyly, sliding into the seat across from Harry.
“It’s nice to meet you.”
 
“You too,” Harry answers, beginning to slice the bread yet again. “Especially
with how much Sirius talks about you--”
 
“You horrible little bugger,” Sirius says with nothing but affection in his
expression. He dips down and kisses the top of Harry’s head before heading back
to the pot of sauce on the stove.
 
“Does he?” Remus asks with a grin. “What does he say?”
 
“He said you’re nice,” Harry says. “And he rambled quite a lot about how he
thinks your nose is cute.”
 
Remus laughs and turns to look at a flushed Sirius standing over the stove. “I
think you’ve quite embarrassed him,” Remus says.
 
“I do try,” Harry answers, neatly stacking the last few slices into the bowl.
 
It’s quiet for a few moments, and Sirius is just about to interrupt the
uncomfortable atmosphere to ask Harry to set the table when Remus suddenly
says, “So what grade are you in?”
 
“I’m in year 5,” Harry says, less upbeat now. “It’s not… I mean, I don’t really
like it.”
 
“Really?” Remus asks, leaning in across the table. “I’m almost done with
school, but I don’t really like it either. What is it that you don’t like?”
 
“Well, everyone thinks I’m stuck up because I’m on the football team and I get
to play almost every game, but I’m just good at it and I like it. My dad was
too, when he was in school.”
 
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Remus says softly and understandingly. Sirius steps
around the table to get  three plates out. “But maybe in a few months, when
you’re winning the season for your school, they’ll begin to see you a little
differently.”
 
Harry shrugs and smiles a bit, but there’s no real hope in his eyes. “What’s
wrong with your school?”
 
“I just… don’t do well with the people there. I have a hard time getting along
with people my own age.
 
Harry nods. “Yeah,” he says. “Me too. But it’s hard to make friends with the
older kids."
 
"I know, but when you’re older it’ll be easier," Remus tells him, shooting a
glance up at Sirius. Sirius is focused on the sauce, though, pouring it into a
serving bowl. "So do you like staying with Sirius?"
 
"Of course," Harry says.
 
"Why's that?"
 
"Well, for one thing, he doesn't even  cook  vegetables," he says.
 
Remus forces a laugh, because he can imagine Lily coaxing Harry into eating a
serving of broccoli, and he can remember his mother serving him a bowl of Kraft
macaroni and cheese, smelling his father's steak in the oven, at 4:00 in the
afternoon to get him out of the kitchen before his dad came home. "One day,"
Remus says. "You're going to eat like Sirius feeds you every day and you're
going to wish someone was there to feed you vegetables."
 
"One day a long, long time from now," Harry says. "Mum always makes peas when
she makes lasagna."
 
"Where'd you learn to cook, anyway?" Remus asks turning over his shoulder to
look at Sirius. Harry laughs behind him.
 
"I am an  adult  with a  godson , Remus. Of course I know how to cook."
 
"I guess I'll have to come over more often then."
 
"I said I know how," Sirius says, looking up in amusement as he puts a pair of
potholders on. "Not that I do."
 
"You'd cook for me but not Remus?" Harry asks, and Sirius laughs, ducking to
pull the hot pan of lasagna out.
 
"Well, kid, there's a lot of things I'd do for you that I wouldn't do for
anyone else. But I guess I'd cook for Remus. Especially breakfast," he says,
winking over at a blushing Remus. Sirius must have thought Harry wouldn't
understand, but going by the gagging noise he makes, Sirius misjudged.
 
"Sirius," Remus admonishes. He gets up to finish setting the table, trying to
keep his cheeks from flushing. "Not right now."
 
"Is Remus sleeping over?"
 
Remus coughs uncomfortably. "No, Harry, I haven't before and I'm not going to
tonight."
 
Sirius looks far too amused for Remus not to get annoyed at him. He sighs as he
nudges Sirius' elbow. "Yes, dear?" Sirius asks with a grin as he removes the
tinfoil from the top of the pan.
 
"Where do you keep the forks?”
 
“Are you going to stab me?” Sirius jokes, but he opens the silverware drawer
before carrying the lasagna dish to the table. Remus gets 3 forks out and sets
them at each plate while Sirius digs in his closet for cups.
 
“I didn’t mean to embarrass you,” Harry tells him when he sits back down. “I
was just wondering.”
 
“It’s okay, Harry. Sirius is just…”
 
“An idiot?” Harry offers, and Sirius laughs as he sets a cup down at each
setting.
 
“After I made you dinner, Harry?”
 
“Well, it’s too late for you to like, poison it or anything,” he jokes as
Sirius cuts a slice off.
 
“Hand me your plate,” Sirius says, somewhat distractedly, and he scoops it on
and then sets it back down. “You get the first taste. How is it?”
 
He and Remus watch as Harry cuts a piece off, blows on it to cool it off, and
puts it in his mouth. He shuts his eyes in concentration. Remus smiles a bit at
Harry’s big show of the simple action. He’s definitely gotten that from Sirius.
 
“Well? Don’t leave the chef waiting in anticipation,” Sirius prods.
 
“It’s okay,” Harry answers, forking another huge bite into his mouth.
 
“What a little liar,” Sirius says, finally sitting down. He takes his own slice
and then passes the spatula to Remus. “He’d never eat like that if he didn’t
like it.”
 
Dinner is so nice and warm and feels very unfamiliar to Remus, but not in a bad
way. It's not until he sees Harry and Sirius bickering about something stupid
while he watches with a grin that he realizes that the feeling he's not
recognizing is  family.  Sirius and Harry are there, making him feel more
comfortable and welcome than he ever has in his own house.
 
After dinner, Harry stretches and then looks at Sirius and asks, "Is it too
late for a nap?"
 
"It's never too late for anything, Harry," Sirius answers, putting a cover on
the lasagna to put it away. "Though if you manage to sleep through morning,
even better."
 
"What are you planning?" Remus murmurs into his shoulder.
 
"Shh," Sirius answers, grinning as he stows the pan in the fridge. "Go brush
your teeth, Harry."
 
Harry gives his godfather an odd look before turning down the hall.
 
"Sirius, we shouldn't--"
 
"He sleeps like the dead," Sirius tells him, shutting the fridge. He spins
around to face Remus, leaning in to kiss him softly. "But whatever you want."
 
"Where?" Remus asks, nipping at his bottom lip nervously. Sirius watches his
tongue sooth it just after, quite distracted until Remus clears his throat.
 
"We can go into my bedroom," he says. "I mean,  we could like watch a movie on
the couch or something if you'd rather."
 
"No," he says with a half smile. "That's fine."
 
"Are you sure?"
 
"Yeah," he says, stepping in closer until their hips are touching. Sirius' hand
drifts up to his hip, and he tilts his head slightly, as if about to kiss him.
"I mean, what am I supposed to do, let you stay hard?"
 
Sirius flushes deep red. He's still thinking of something to say when Harry's
voice calls out,
 
"Okay! I'm gonna go lay in bed for a while now!"
 
"Shit," Sirius says, pulling away. "I'll be back in one second," he adds, and
then he's running down the hallway after Harry. Remus hears muffled talking and
then Harry's laughter and when the door shuts again with one final 'good
night', Remus realizes he's grinning stupidly.
 
"Hey, sorry," Sirius says, popping around the corner.
 
"No, it's okay," Remus says, stepping close enough for Sirius to wrap his arms
around his hips. "It's kind of adorable how you take care of him."
 
"Oh," Sirius says, looking confused. "But--"
 
"Sirius," he murmurs, interrupting him, as he leans in and presses his nose
into Sirius' neck.
 
"Where is this coming from?" Sirius asks. Remus can hear the grin in his voice.
He kisses Sirius' neck gently.
 
"Let's go inside," Remus murmurs, pulling apart slowly and hesitantly. He'd
rather not bother with the trip to the bedroom, to be honest, but with Sirius'
godson in the house, well.
 
"Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?" Sirius asks, grinning
madly as he turns to follow Remus to the bedroom.
 
Remus turns to look at Sirius when he hears the word 'boyfriend.' His eyes are
smouldering amber. Sirius feels himself melt under the harsh, piercing gaze.
 
"Is that not--" Sirius begins, but Remus steps in and pulls him in for a kiss.
He can feel Sirius' chest stiffen against his own as his breath catches.
 
His forehead is still pressed to Sirius' and Sirius is still looking at him
like he's the only thing in the world, his cool blue eyes fixed directly on
Remus'. "Bedroom," he says. Sirius laughs and ducks his head to rest it on
Remus' shoulder. Of course, Sirius is perfectly aware of his enthusiasm without
the push; he can feel it against his own thigh.
 
"Remus Lupin," he murmurs against Remus' neck, amusement coating his words.
Remus has to close his eyes at the deep chill that jumps down his spine at
Sirius' breath against his skin.
 
"We need to go inside," Remus says again firmly, and Sirius laughs again,
nuzzling Remus' neck.
 
"Can I ask what inspired this?"
 
"Can you?"
 
Sirius pulls away, looking quite amused. "Maybe after?"
 
"Maybe," Remus says, nudging Sirius, and then he turns around and pushes the
bedroom door open.
 
Sirius' bedroom is very much that of a single guy in his twenties. It looks
like he's straightened up a little bit, but there are still books and clothes
everywhere. The other thing that Sirius' room is lined with is photographs;
they're everywhere, pictures of Harry and James and Lily and an old couple who
Remus can tell are James' parents immediately.
 
"Everything okay?"
 
"Yeah," Remus says, tearing his eyes away from a picture of Sirius holding a
black haired, green eyed baby in a pirate costume. He looks like he's in bliss,
completely enamored by the child in his arms. "You'd make such a good dad," he
adds.
 
"So I've heard," Sirius murmurs. His voice is suddenly right behind Remus, and
when he turns around to face Sirius' smoky blue eyes, he can tell that he is
not thinking of Harry at all. "Were you so set on coming in here to compliment
my parenting skills?" he asks, stepping close enough to press their hips
together. "Because I thought otherwise," which Remus didn't have to be told,
because Sirius' cock is pressing into his thigh very firmly.
 
"I guess I might've had...  other  motives."
 
A smile tugs at the corners of Sirius' mouth as he pulls Remus into a kiss. His
tongue is scorching, just like every other inch of his body. Touching Sirius
feels like voluntarily throwing himself into the sun, and the fact that he
finds this to be the height of bliss is questionable even to himself. Sirius'
tongue sweeps firmly along the side of his own and his stubble brushes Remus'
chin harshly and then he's pulling away quickly, but the kiss he places on
Remus' cheek is very different; it's soft and drawn out and so oddly intimate
that Remus is compelled to close his eyes. Sirius makes a soft, happy humming
sound as he steps back.
 
"Bed, I think," is all he says, and Remus is quick in following him over. He
sits with his legs spread by the pillows and does not wait for Remus to settle
himself in before tugging him down, pulling his thighs around his own hips.
 
"As much as I love your dorky sweaters," Sirius says, beginning to tug at the
hem of Remus' sweater.
 
"Um," Remus says, a bit suddenly and too loudly, grabbing Sirius' wrists.
Sirius blinks at him in surprise.
 
"Is everything okay?" he asks softly.
 
"Sorry," he says. "It's just there's this. Mark. On my back. And I know you're
gonna flip out when you see it."
 
Sirius gives that sympathetic look that Remus knew he would. "What's it from?"
 
"You know fucking well what it's from," Remus says. His eyes dance with flames
again. Sirius' eyes go back from charitable to lustful. "And I don't want to
talk about it right now."
 
"That's fine," he says, which is surprisingly easy, but Remus is certainly not
going to complain.
 
"Well. Okay then," he says, releasing Sirius' wrists.
 
Sirius pulls the sweater up and Remus lifts his arms to help Sirius get it over
his head. He's still got a t-shirt on underneath, and as he goes to reach for
that, too, Remus' tone alone is enough to make his hands freeze.
 
"We are not going to talk about any of this right now," he says firmly. His
voice is very raw and low. Sirius swallows and nods helplessly.
 
Beneath Remus' white undershirt, his ribcage is littered with scars. They're
all thin and parallel to one another, running down in smooth lines, some more
defined than others. Remus' chest rises and falls in terrifyingly controlled
movements.
 
"Okay?" Remus asks.
 
Sirius nods, jaw clenched, and Remus pulls at the hem of Sirius' sweater as
well. "Thank you," he mumbles as Sirius helps him pulls his long hair through
the neck opening. The material is quickly discarded on the floor.
 
"Don't need to say that," Sirius tells him, leaning in to kiss him again. His
hands slip around Remus's hips and over the small of his back, where there is a
patch of skin that is smoother than the rest and just feels... different.
Sirius' hand quickly moves up past it.
 
Remus' back is very soft. Sirius would love to turn him over just to see all of
his freckles, to trace them with his tongue like a connect-the-dots puzzle.
Remus has freckles everywhere. The ones on his collar bone continually drive
Sirius mad. Remus' skin is soft everywhere, really, though. His chest, which is
currently pressed firmly to Sirius', is all soft heat, and his hands on Sirius'
shoulders are very soft and comforting, even with how hard they dig in, even
with enough force in his grip to turn the tips of his fingers white. The only
part of Remus that is not soft is his jawline, which is rough and scrapes
against Sirius like sandpaper every time he touches it. Sirius has never had so
small a sensation go quite so hard straight to his cock.
 
The fingertips are gone almost as soon as he has that thought, and they trail
down his chest and stomach and Sirius's belly flies up into his chest when they
run gently through the line of hair beneath his belly button. Then they're
unbuttoning Sirius' jeans and pulling the zip down.
 
"Remus," he pulls away to say. He's not close enough to see Remus' face, but he
thinks his surprise came out much more like lust. Remus' fingers are pushing
his jeans down and out of the way and then they're tugging at his shorts.
Remus' forehead drops to rest against Sirius' neck, and all Sirius can hear is
labored breathing, both of theirs, and Remus makes this small noise of need as
Sirius' cock springs free.
 
"Fuck," he curses as he curls those warm fingers around Sirius' girth, though
the words sound quite indulged, and Sirius is suddenly tearing at Remus' own
jeans, and then Remus' cock is in Sirius' fist between his open fly in record
time.
 
" Fuck, " he repeats. His head is still turned down, and Sirius can imagine
Remus watching his hand, both of their hands, and then his cock twitches in
Remus' hold.
 
"Do you want me to get lube?" he asks, though he's sure he couldn't pull
himself away to find any now.
 
Remus lifts his head and then his hand is gone and Sirius wants to say  No,
wait,  but then those smoldering eyes are back and fixed right on Sirius as he
licks a firm stripe across his palm and then lowers it back to wrap around
Sirius once again.
 
"Christ," Sirius says with a broken voice, thrusting helplessly into Remus'
hand. He desperately attempts to concentrate on giving as well as he's getting,
brushing his thumb over the head of Remus' cock, stroking firmly and evenly,
but mostly he depends on his brain running on autopilot, especially when Remus'
teeth start nipping at his neck.
 
Remus' fingers are so sure and confident; they pull with quick precision and
yet stroke with something gentle behind his touch, and Sirius' heart thuds
almost painfully in his chest when Remus whispers, "You are fucking gorgeous,"
against his neck.
 
"Come here," Sirius murmurs, reaching his one free hand around to pull Remus in
by his ass until their cocks are close enough to touch. Remus glances up at him
and then pushes his hand away, curling his hand around both of their erections,
tugging firmly and evenly while maintaining eye contact. The heads of their
cocks brush with each stroke and Sirius has to bite the insides of his cheeks
to keep from moaning.
 
"Shit, Remus," he curses when Remus thrusts forward hard, both further against
him and into his own hold. Sirius' balls tighten and Remus leans forward and
presses his forehead to Sirius'.
 
"I know," he says, his voice deep and gravely, and then he kisses Sirius. His
thumb begins massaging the head of Sirius' cock relentlessly as he strokes up
and down forcefully enough to have Sirius' hips helplessly moving against his
hand.
 
"I, fuck," Sirius says inarticulately. Remus is looking at him like they're on
fire.
 
"Come for me, Sirius," he purrs, and Sirius' whole body tenses as he does so
suddenly, eyes wide and fixed on Remus' as he moans, breathy and quiet, his
come coating Remus' hand and both of their stomachs with each burst. Remus
squeezes his eyes shut as he drops his head down to Sirius' shoulder. Even
though Sirius' cock is beginning to soften, they slide together easily,
lubricated by Sirius' come, and this is how Sirius learns that Remus really is
a biter, his teeth clamping into the chords of Sirius' neck as he comes. Sirius
has his face turned into the side of Remus' head, but he can feel each
throbbing pulse, can feel the hot spurts hit the muscle of his lower stomach,
can feel Remus' hot hot breath on his neck.
 
"Are you okay, love?" Sirius asks softly after a moment's passed. Remus' head
is still down.
 
"A bit more than okay, I think," he answers, lifting his head just a bit. He
looks at Sirius with embarrassment in his eyes.
 
"Don't look at me like that," Sirius says, smiling as he reaches over to grab a
few tissues to wipe them down. He takes Remus' hand and carefully cleans off
each of his fingers. "I don't know what got into you tonight."
 
"Well," he says, "I think it's just. Kind of a turn on to be wanted." He
watches as Sirius moves on to their stomachs, mopping the mess off of first
Remus' skin, then his own.
 
"Well, of course I want you," Sirius says, tossing the tissues in the garbage.
He works on pulling his shorts back up, but Remus crawls off of him to give him
room. His jeans wind up on the floor altogether. "How do you feel about
actually taking a nap?" he asks.
 
"I have to go home tonight," he says. "I have school tomorrow."
 
"I know," Sirius answers as Remus fixes his own boxers. "Just stay for an hour
or two. Please?"
 
Remus looks up at him with a smirk and a raised eyebrow and Sirius can feel
himself melting into the bed. "Fine, just an hour. I'm setting an alarm."
 
"Good," he says. "Take your jeans off."
 
Remus laughs but stands up to do as Sirius asks. Sirius pulls back the covers
to invite Remus in once he's properly naked.
 
"Mmh," Remus nearly purrs, nuzzling into Sirius' neck. His whole body is warm
and soft and thrums with sleepiness.
 
"Can I talk to you for a minute, love?" he asks, curling an arm around Remus'
waist.
 
"Sirius--"
 
"Please?" he says. "I'm worried about you, is all."
 
"Ask," Remus says, burying his head deeper into Sirius' shoulder.
 
"Do you still do it?"
 
Remus' breath catches hard. Sirius can feel him tense up. "I. Sirius, I'm not
really very well," he says, not lifting his head. Sirius plays with his
slightly overgrown hair comfortingly. "I have pretty bad depression and
anxiety."
 
Sirius is quiet, just playing with Remus' hair and nuzzling his temple. After a
moment, he says, "I'm so sorry. I'm here if you ever want to talk or... you
know. Anything at all."
 
"I know," Remus says, lifting his head to look at Sirius now. "I haven't in
over a year, but. That happened. I was there at one point."
 
"You know that you mean a whole lot to me, right?" Sirius says very feebly.
 
Remus laughs gently. "Yeah," he says. "That goes both way."
 
Sirius smiles half-heartedly and leans in to kiss Remus gently. "I really am
sorry that you're so unhappy."
 
"Well, it's not. I mean, it's not like I'm never happy."
 
"How reassuring," Sirius murmurs, pressing his forehead to Remus'. "You don't
have to try to justify it. I understand and I just honestly wish I could help."
 
"I mean, I take medicine. It's been better since I started."
 
"Has it?" Sirius asks interestedly. "When I first moved into James', they sent
me to a therapist who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder, but I never went
back."
 
"Sirius," he says, "You can't-- that's not good. You should see someone."
 
"It hasn't flared up since I was a teenager," he says. "I don't know. It just
didn't seem like a big deal after, with how well things were going since I'd
left home, and so I forgot about it."
 
"So it just... stopped?"
 
"Well. I don't know. Maybe the symptoms are just less severe. I've never been
anything else, I don't know."
 
Remus nods slowly and thoughtfully. "I know what you mean," he says. “It was
scary when I first started taking the medicine, to not be thinking the only way
I ever knew anymore. It’s why a lot of people don’t stay on their meds.”
 
"Well, I’ve been fine,” Sirius says pensively. “I can’t remember the last time
I experienced anything like a manic episode.
 
“That’s good,” Remus purrs sleepily, curling into Sirius. “Should we talk about
the boyfriend comment?”
 
Sirius laughs softly. He wraps an arm around Remus and rubs slow circles onto
his bare back with the pad of his thumb. “I haven’t done the dating thing in a
long time, but I never remember feeling so certain.”
 
“Sirius,” Remus says with a quiet, lazy confidence. “I have no interest in
being with anyone but you right now.”
 
“Me either. So leave it at that for now?” Sirius asks a half asleep Remus.
 
“Yeah,” Remus confirms. “Now quit acting like such a big queer and go to
sleep.”
 
Grinning, Sirius ducks his head into Remus’ hair on the pillow. He’s so tired
he can’t argue, and he falls asleep with his mind full of tingling sensations
that all scream  Remus .
 
                                    ******
 
Sirius is awoken to shuffling around in the bed next to him. “Remus?” he asks
sleepily.
 
“Hey,” he says. “You can go back to sleep. I gotta go home.”
 
Sirius sits up and rubs his eyes. “What time is it?”
 
“Nearly one. I forgot to set an alarm,” Remus says, overly calm, as he pulls
his sweater over his head.
 
“ Shit ,” Sirius says. “Is everything going to be okay? I’m so sorry--”
 
“It’s fine,” Remus says. “I’m gonna walk home, okay? It’s not so far. Go back
to sleep. You don’t have to walk me out.”
 
“Okay,” Sirius says, reaching out for Remus’ waist. “Goodbye kiss?”
 
“Of course,” Remus says with a small smile, ducking down to peck Sirius on the
lips. “I had fun tonight. See you tomorrow,” Remus says quickly, already
backing away.
 
“See you,” Sirius says, and then his bedroom door is shut once more, and he’s
left alone with his thoughts.
Chapter End Notes
     Hey! Sorry for the huge gap between updates. I just wrote a new
     chapter so I figured it was time. I think this chapter might actually
     already be marking the about halfway point in the story!
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Sirius is beginning to get worried when he hasn’t seen or heard from Remus by
4:00 the next day. He’s usually in at around 2:30 each afternoon, but today the
stream of teenagers with backpacks trickled down the street with one notable
missing face.
 
Harry sits at the table closest to the counter with a math ditto in front of
him, practicing multiplication. He looks so focused, curled up with his pencil
and steaming mug of hot chocolate. Sirius can’t help but smile at the
concentration on his small face. He can’t imagine what it’d be like to have his
own kid, to love someone more than he loves Harry. Just looking at him fills
his chest with with this thick, warm feeling, and he’s at once overwhelmed by
how much one small person can mean to him.
 
“Sirius?” Harry calls without looking up.
 
“Yes, love?” Sirius answers, walking around the counter to take a seat across
from him. “What’s up?”
 
“I need help,” Harry says, sliding the ditto over, and Sirius takes the pencil,
leans in, and begins to show him how to work through his long division problem.
 
He often worries about the day Harry outgrows his ability to help. One day
Harry is going to bring him his calculus II textbook and Sirius will have to
shrug and apologize, and that’s going to be the worst feeling in the world. He
wants to be big and smart enough to shelter Harry forever, to give him all of
the guidance he could ask for, but he knows one day Harry will have to figure
things out on his own, and that terrifies him. For now, however, he cherishes
the look of perfect attention on his godson’s face and seeks comfort in the way
that Harry looks at him like he’s a genius while he explains the simple
concept.
 
“Can I try?” Harry asks once they’ve worked through the problem.
 
“Go for it,” Sirius tells him, passing Harry his pencil back and folding his
arms on the table to watch Harry’s attempt.
 
Harry’s tongue sticks out between his small pink lips just a bit as he focuses
on the problem. Sirius wants to remember this moment, from the furrowing of
Harry’s brows to his sloppy, childish handwriting. He doesn’t know where the
last 9 years went and he suspects the next 9 will go by just the same.
 
“Good?” Harry asks.
 
“Yeah,” Sirius says, only half scanning over his godson’s work. “Awesome job.
How many more do you have?”
 
“Only two,” Harry says, setting to work on his second to last problem. “The
first ones were easy. The last few are always harder than in class.”
 
“Wait til secondary school,” Sirius jokes, getting up and walking behind the
counter to rifle through a display case. “So how about a cookie to celebrate?”
 
“Yeah!” Harry says, grinning as he closes his math book. “I still have reading
though.”
 
“We must celebrate the small victories,” Sirius tells him, extracting a nice,
plump chocolate chip cookie with a pair of tongs and depositing it onto a paper
plate. “But you have to do that reading too.”
 
“I know,” Harry says, holding his hands out for the plate. Sirius passes it
over the counter to him and he begins to wolf it down earnestly. “How’s Remus?”
Harry asks. “I fell asleep before he left; I didn’t get to say goodbye. And he
wasn’t there this morning.”
 
“No, he wasn’t there this morning,” Sirius admonishes, sitting down with his
own cookie. “Who taught you anything about that, anyway?”
 
Harry smiles a sly smile and takes a conveniently timed large bite of cookie.
 
“Anyway,” Sirius presses on, “He was doing fine last night. We took a nap and
then he left in a rush later on because his mum wanted him home.”
 
“His mum?” Harry asks, wrinkling his nose. “But he’s an adult.”
 
“He’s 17,” Sirius says. “Your gran still likes to keep tabs on your dad and
he’s way old.”
 
“Dad’s not that old,” Harry says. “He’s having a new baby.”
 
“Feels old to me,” Sirius says, stealing a sip of hot chocolate before Harry
can protest. “Wouldn’t have dreamed of being 27 with a coffee shop and a godson
and that your dad would have a mortgage and all that fun stuff when I was 17.”
 
Harry’s forehead wrinkles as if he doesn’t understand, and Sirius just chuckles
to himself as he balls his now empty napkin up. As wise beyond his years as
Harry may be, he’s still only nine years old. He hasn’t had many life changing
experiences to reflect upon, and he has nothing to relate to Sirius’ premature
midlife crisis. Which is just as well; he wants Harry to stay carefree for as
many years as possible.
 
“Alright,” he says, collecting their garbage from the table. “How ‘bout we get
started on that reading? Do you wanna read to me so I can follow along? Only I
left my old man reading glasses back at the flat,” he jokes.
 
“You’re  not  that old,” Harry restates, but opens his reading book and begins
to narrate the short story.
 
                                    ******
 
It isn’t until 9 o’clock that night that Sirius finally hears from Remus; his
phone buzzes in his pocket as he’s mixing someone’s latte up. He finishes the
sale as quickly as possible, thanking the customer and wishing them a good
night, before reaching for his cell.
 
It’s only a text. It reads, “ Sorry I didn’t come in today. Haven’t been
feeling well. ”
 
Sirius quickly calls him, stepping into the back room for privacy. He leans
back on the newly cleaned desk as he listens to the phone ring. It’s really
silly, how anxious he is, and as much as he recognizes this, his heart refuses
to slow its pace.
 
Remus answers after four rings. “Hello?” he greets. Sirius closes his eyes to
cherish the golden velvet flow of Remus’ voice. As the afternoon’s gone on and
on, he’s gotten foolishly concerned that he would never hear it again.
 
“Hey,” Sirius says back, soft and sweet. “Are you okay?”
 
“Yeah,” Remus answers mildly, “Just have a bit of a temperature so I wanted to
stay in bed today.”
 
“Okay. I hope you feel better. You seemed fine yesterday,” Sirius answers
worriedly.
 
“Yeah I know, not sure where this came from, unless you gave me herpes or
something,” Remus jokes.
 
“Herpes wouldn’t give you a temperature,” Sirius corrects, grinning despite
himself. “And I promise I’m herpes free.” It’s quiet for a moment, and he
reflects silently, shuffling his heavy Doc Martens against the concrete floor
of the backroom. “I was worried I did something wrong last night when you
didn’t show today.”
 
“No, no,” Remus says. “Sirius, I had such a good time last night. You have
nothing to worry about. I’ve just been sleeping a lot today.”
 
“Makes sense, given your newly acquired herpes.”
 
“Yes, well, you would know,” Remus retorts, and Sirius wishes he could see him,
messy cloud of gold hair and goofy, sweet smile, wearing an old sweater with
holes at the bottom of the sleeves, cocooned in a fluffy blanket… just the
thought makes Sirius feel sleepy. Sleepy and lonely.
 
“Or so you accuse,” Sirius responds, but the jest is half-hearted. “I really
hope you’re feeling better, Remus. Is everything okay with your parents? This
doesn’t have anything to do with them, does it?”
 
“No,” he answers flatly. “Everything’s okay.”
 
“Okay. I’m in the shop so I should go. I’ll text you later and check up on you
though, okay?”
 
“Okay,” Remus answers. “Night, Sirius.”
 
“Night, Remus,” Sirius answers tenderly, and then the line is dead.
 
He stays in the backroom a moment after his phone is away in his pocket,
kicking at a small crack in the floor. Something doesn’t feel right to him, he
can feel it in his stomach, but it’s too soon to confront Remus about it. He
wants everything to be okay. He wants the time to fall in love with this sweet
boy. He wants them both to get the chance for happiness; not moments of it in
between bouts of sadness and not the kind Sirius leeches from the Potters, but
their own kind, the curl-up-on-the-couch-on-a-Friday-night-and-watch-Netflix
kind, the kind where they make breakfast together and Sirius gets to wake up
next to Remus’ angelic sleeping face. He knows he’s getting ahead of himself,
two dates in, but he feels something special, and his gut twists thinking about
how delicate that something special might be, like the just lit kindling of a
soon-to-be bonfire. And well, Sirius thinks, between Remus’ family and James
and the new baby, their lives are a fucking hurricane over the small
unsheltered flame.
 
“Sirius,” Harry calls, and Sirius immediately steps out from the backroom. His
godson gestures to the customer at the counter, and Sirius puts on a fake smile
and begins to strike up a conversation with the woman.
 
Not long after he’s done with her order, it’s time to close up the shop. He
takes his time wiping everything down and running cleaner through the coffee
makers, his mind chugging slowly with his newfound worry, until Harry asks him
to hurry up so they can go home and go to bed.
 
When he’s done rushing through the rest of the closing procedures, he grabs
both their coats from the back room. His own leather jacket slides on easily,
but, just like always, he kneels to the ground to help Harry into his own coat.
 
“Good?” Sirius asks, looking over his eyelashes at Harry as he zips his jacket
up to the neck.
 
“Good,” Harry answers, and Sirius kisses him wetly on the forehead before
standing back up. He chuckles at Harry’s display of disgust as he scoops his
backpack up and takes Harry’s hand.
 
It’s frigid out, and Harry shivers on the sidewalk as Sirius locks up the shop.
“Here,” Sirius says, handing him Lily’s keys. He hasn’t bothered to put them on
his own key chain yet. “Get in the car.”
 
Harry shuffles over to the Audi and beeps the doors open, climbing into the
front seat. Once the last lock is closed up, Sirius walks around to the
driver’s side and climbs in, taking the key from Harry. “Got all your homework
done?” Sirius asks as he pulls away from the curb.
 
“Yeah,” Harry answers. “I’m just tired. Are you working tomorrow?”
 
“Yeah,” Sirius says apologetically. “Wanna call your mom and ask her how it’s
going?”
 
“Yes,” Harry says enthusiastically. “I forgot. Can I use your phone?”
 
“Mhm,” Sirius says, reaching into his coat pocket to grab it for Harry without
taking his eyes off the road. He listens absently as Harry dials his mum’s
number and greets her enthusiastically, but then begins to tune the
conversation out. He feels so drained so suddenly, and for once he can agree
with Harry: sleep sounds amazing. It concerns him for the first time in years
that such a small set back can make him feel so horrible, and he begins to
seriously consider Remus’ advice that he see a doctor about his decade old
diagnosis.
 
“Mum says hi,” Harry says, and Sirius realizes he’s been off the phone for a
moment now.
 
“Oh,” he says. “How are things going?”
 
“She said they’re okay,” he answers, but he doesn’t sound hopeful.
 
“I know everything’s hard right now,” Sirius says. “I wish things weren’t so
stressful, especially because your mom should be taking it easy with the baby,
but I can’t change how your dad is. All I can say is that I’ve known him for a
long, long time and he isn’t acting like himself. Things will go back to normal
soon, love.”
 
“I hope so,” he says, and Sirius reaches a hand over to pat him reassuringly on
the knee as he pulls into his apartment complex’s parking lot.
 
“Are you going right to bed?”
 
“Yeah,” he says. “It’s exhausting being at the shop all day.”
 
“Dude, you’re nine,” Sirius says with a grin as he gets out of the car and
walks around to wait for Harry. “You weren’t working or anything.” This earns
him a glare, and he laughs as he leads Harry inside. “Your dad’s closing
tomorrow night, so maybe we can go back home and hang out with your mom after
school tomorrow night. What do you think?” Sirius presses the button and leans
against the wall to watch Harry’s reaction as they wait for the elevator.
 
“Please,” Harry says. “I miss my computer.”
 
“And your mom, maybe?” he says, grinning as Harry blushes in embarrassment.
 
“I guess,” Harry says, slipping into the elevator past Sirius. “It’s not like
I’m not with family.”
 
Sirius feels his knees go weak with how much Harry’s simple statement
overwhelms him. His godson must not have thought much of the compliment,
because he calmly presses the button for Sirius’ floor and leans against the
wall to wait. Sirius, however, watches Harry’s face with adoration. He doesn’t
know what’s happened to make him quite so sappy tonight, but when the elevator
stops, he scoops Harry up and kisses his face all over as he carries him to his
front door. “I love you, kid.”
 
“I know,” Harry says, crinkling his nose and worming around in Sirius’ arms.
“Stop.”
 
“Careful,” Sirius laughs. “I’m gonna drop you,” he warns, setting Harry down on
his feet carefully so that he can unlock the door.
 
“I’m not a baby anymore,” Harry complains, but one glance over his shoulder at
Harry’s face tells Sirius that he’s mostly just kidding.
 
“I’m painfully aware,” Sirius informs him, pushing the door open. “Go get ready
for bed, kid. You have to be up bright and early for school tomorrow.”
 
Harry sighs dramatically as he heads down the hall towards the bathroom, and
all Sirius can do is stand in the doorway and watch him with amazement as he
wonders how so much of his own temperament wormed its way into Harry’s
personality.
 
                                    ******
 
Sirius doesn’t see or hear from Remus again for days. The next day Lily tells
Sirius and Harry over tea and biscuits that her and James talked and things are
going a lot better if Harry would like to come home, and Sirius can see in her
eyes that she’s telling the truth, in the shine of her deep green emeralds, and
he’s happy for them because he will always be happy for them, but something
selfish burns with jealousy in the pit of his stomach.
 
Once Harry goes upstairs to return to his beloved computer, Lily gives him a
very sympathetic look. “What’s wrong?” she asks.
 
So he tells her. He starts from the beginning, with how wonderful their date
that night was and how sweetly he and Harry get along and how  fiery  reticent
little Remus can be if you get him in the right mood. When he finishes with
their phone call the evening before, Lily looks at him for a long moment.
 
“Is that it?” she asks.
 
“Yeah,” he says. “But--”
 
“Love, he’s just sick. You have to calm down. You’re so good at pushing
optimism on Harry but you’re such a pessimist; you can’t always assume the
worst. He’s obviously very interested in you and I think you’re important to
him. He wouldn’t be blowing you off just for laughs.”
 
“Yeah,” Sirius says, running his fingertips along the grain of wood in the
kitchen table. “I know you’re right deep down, but it’s also weird, just how
curt he was. Like he didn’t even want to talk.”
 
“Give it time,” she says. “It’s all still new.”
 
And so he does try. He spends that night playing Minecraft with Harry and only
checks his phone a few times. By the time the front door opens downstairs,
Harry’s falling asleep with the controller in his hand.
 
“Why don’t you go get ready for bed? I’ll send your dad up to come say
goodnight in a bit.”
 
“Okay,” Harry says, yawning.
 
Sirius reaches down and picks Harry up off of his bed in a huge bear hug and
carries him into the hallway, squeezing him tight. “I love you so so so much,
kid.”
 
“Sirius,” Harry whines. “Put me down.”
 
Sirius laughs, but he does set Harry down, and then bends down to kiss the top
of his head. “I’ll see you soon, love.”
 
“You too,” Harry answers sleepily, heading down the hall into the bathroom.
 
Sirius is left alone, and he decides he probably can’t put this off any longer.
He heads downstairs, taking quiet footsteps to assess the situation. He can
hear James and Lily’s alternating voices, but it sounds pleasant, nothing like
the harsh and tense words from the other night.
 
When he reaches the doorway, he sees James with his apron in his hand, leaning
against the fridge. Lily is standing close, her baby bump just inches from
James’ own stomach, and they’re looking at each other with those eyes that
Sirius has known well for 11 years now. “Hi,” he greets.
 
James’ big brown eyes shoot up to meet his immediately, and Sirius can read the
regret in them. After spending nearly his whole life by James’ side, they don’t
need to talk for apologies and forgiveness. James’ eyes say it all: that he
should never have said any of the horrible things he said, that Sirius is
perfectly able to date whoever he chooses, etc. All of Sirius’ anger that was
hot and fresh up until that afternoon evaporates and the whole fight seems
silly, and just like that, it’s over.
 
“It’s okay,” Sirius says, stepping in to pull James in for a hug. “You dick.”
 
“I am,” James says. “A dick and sorry. A sorry dick.”
 
Sirius laughs and squeezes his best friend, his brother, until the emptiness in
the bottom of his stomach floats away. It’s amazing how all of the people he
cares about give him such different sensations. Harry makes him feel
protective, Lily makes him feel nurtured, Remus makes him feel-- well,  fire ,
but James makes him feel like he’s home, and no one else can quite do that.
“You are. And it’s okay.”
 
“Thanks for watching Harry,” James tells him, finally releasing his death grip
as he eases back away. “I… that’s the part that I know really isn’t okay
especially. But you. You know.” James says, giving him those squinty eyes that
mean he’s trying very hard to preserve his outward masculine appearance.
 
“I’ll always be here when you need me,” Sirius tells him. “No matter how much
of a prick you’re being.”
 
“Thanks,” James says, and there’s a lot in that thank you, there’s gratitude
for more than watching Harry or having a big enough heart to forgive him or any
of the small things that may have amassed over the past few days of silence.
Sirius has done a lot for James over their years of friendship and vice versa;
Sirius would do anything for his brother, and in that small moment of eye
contact, they’re both surprised by the depth of the strain from the past few
days that’s just been lifted.
 
“Go say goodnight to Harry,” Sirius says with a small, tired grin. “He’s missed
his dad like crazy.”
 
James smiles like a lunatic at the mention of his son. “Quite mutual,” he says,
and then dashes past Sirius up the stairs.
 
“I’m gonna go,” Sirius says as he turns to look at Lily. “I love Harry but
spending all this time with him is a bit exhausting.”
 
“Why do you think James’ hair is starting to go gray?” Lily jokes, leaning in
for a hug of her own. “Good luck with Remus. Sleep well. Let me know what
happens. I love you,” she says in quick succession.
 
“Love you too, mom,” he teases, pulling back to grab his coat from over the
back of a dining room chair. He pulls it on easily. “I’ll keep you updated.”
 
“Good,” she says. Relief is painted over her face. Not from anything he’s said,
but just from the diffusion of tension between him and James. He realizes all
at once that the hardest thing for any of them about the last week was the two
of them fighting. “Good night, love,” she tells him. “Get home safe.”
 
“Always do,” he tells her. “Night.” And then he’s slipping out the front door,
leaving home to go back home.
Chapter End Notes
     The next chapter is super short so I'll probably be updating again in
     a few days. I thought about connecting them into one chapter but
     decided against it, so.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Four days after Harry’s gone back home, Sirius has four unanswered texts sent
to Remus and a lot of lost hope. He can’t help moping about his flat today when
he’s finally off; he’s gotten used to having something to do on his days off,
someone to spend time with, but here he is again, watching TV in a pair of
sweatpants, eating a bowl of cookie dough ice cream at 3 pm.
 
Lily says he’s depressed, and he’s becoming inclined to agree. It’s hard to
fall asleep at night, wondering what he did wrong, thinking about what could
have been. He’s been eating a lot of ice cream, too, which Lily told him is
funny because it wasn’t really a break up, but it feels a lot worse than a
missed connection to Sirius. It feels like a void that he can only attempt to
fill with ice cream.
 
So this is how he’s been spending his afternoons off, curled up with a fuzzy
blanket watching sad movies on Netflix while he spoons Ben and Jerry’s into his
mouth. He’s been pulling his hair back into a bun, too drained to put his usual
effort in, and he feels awful. Lily, James, and Harry are all settled once
again, and he tried to go over after work last night, but everything was so
concrete between the three of them that he felt like an invader in their little
bubble for one of the first times ever. He’s always been welcome in their house
and he imagines he still is and still always will be, but there is something
about the new baby that is making the word “family” seem distinctly theirs, not
his.
 
This is what he’s moping about when there’s a knock on his apartment door. His
eyebrows furrow and he checks his phone, but he doesn’t have any messages or
missed calls, so he sets his pint of ice cream down, pauses the movie, and
makes his way to the front door, undoing both locks.
 
He’s completely surprised when he swings the door open. He thought it would be
a package being delivered, or maybe James or Lily, but Remus is standing in
front of him, golden hair draped in front of his eyes, looking very abashed. He
tugs at the sleeves of his jumper nervously and peers up at Sirius from under
his curtain of hair.
 
“Hi,” he says shyly.
 
“Hey,” Sirius says, eyebrows furrowing. “What-- come inside,” he says, stepping
aside. “if you want.”
 
“I do,” Remus says, heading gingerly into Sirius’ flat. “Very much.”
 
“So what. Uh,” Sirius stutters once the door is shut behind them.
 
“I’m sorry,” Remus says honestly, gazing apologetically up into Sirius’ eyes.
“Can we sit and talk?”
 
“Bad talk?” Sirius jokes, but his nerves get the best of him, and it doesn’t
sound quite so teasing.
 
“No,” Remus says. “Not at all.”
 
So Sirius leads him to the couch and sits down, facing in so that he and Remus
can look at each other as they speak. Remus sits down stiffly. “So what
happened?” he asks.
 
Remus looks up at him fully, pushing his hair out of his face, and now Sirius
can see what Remus attempted to hide: a big yellowing bruise on his cheekbone.
 
“Oh,” Sirius says. “Remus, I--”
 
“Stop,” he says. “Because this is why I didn’t want to see you when it was bad.
I was worried you’d get all sympathetic and ask questions and I just. I don’t
want to do that? I don’t want to talk about it. We both know that it’s
something that’s happening and I know you’re worried and you know I don’t want
to talk about it so just. I don’t want to have to think about it when I’m with
you, okay? I want this to be my safe place. I want you to be my safe place.”
 
Sirius can’t remember ever hearing Remus talk for that long quite so candidly,
and he hopes it doesn’t have to happen again, not like this. “I never meant to
make you uncomfortable,” Sirius says. “I feel horrible that it came across that
way. I want to be your safe place, too. I just want to help and I am worried,
but I would never ever want you to feel like you can’t be around me because
you’re afraid I’ll pry.”
 
“It was just. Kind of a vulnerable thing and I knew you would want to talk and
I really didn’t want to.”
 
“I’m sorry,” Sirius says. As relieved as he is that Remus is back, he feels
crushed. He never felt this way with James; he never had to. He wants to be
James for Remus, and he can’t help but feel like he’s failed. Remus looks at
him with big, unsure eyes. “I want to be here for you no matter what you need.
I’ve never had to do this for someone before; when I was younger, all I knew
was the other side of this situation. I want to learn, though, I want to be
here for you.”
 
Remus exhales deeply, a sigh of relief. “Okay.” he says. “I didn’t want to have
even this conversation then, and it all just seemed like a mess to even talk to
you, so I didn’t--”
 
“It’s okay,” Sirius says. “I understand. Don’t, you don’t have to apologize.”
 
“But you’re obviously in break up mode,” Remus says, smiling now. “Sweatpants
and ice cream, and is that a man bun?”
 
“It is,” Sirius says, grinning back. “I had no one to impress for a few days.”
 
“Get out of here,” Remus says, “You don’t have to impress me.”
 
“But I want to,” Sirius offers. “I’m gonna keep trying hard until you think I’m
the sexiest man on the planet.”
 
“Maybe after plastic surgery,” Remus says, cracking a wicked smile that sends
chills and warmth at once down Sirius’ spine.
 
“Remus Lupin, you monster,” he responds, grinning back. He’s missed this more
than he can say, as pathetic as that might be. He loves the banter and Remus’
smiles and the sweet sheen on his lovely pink lips.
 
“I want to talk about something else, too,” Remus says, his voice once again
timid, just as Sirius is leaning in a little bit for a kiss. “Not to bring up
like, everything in the world to upset you at once.”
 
“I’d rather you get it out in the open,” Sirius tell him. “What’s up?”
 
“It’s about that ‘boyfriend’ comment the other night,” he says. “I don’t think
I’m ready for that? Not yet.”
 
And it hurts, but it could be so much worse. Not yet. “Okay,” Sirius says.
 
“I care about you a lot but I feel like we’re still testing the waters. It’s
not that I want to see other people or I don’t want to make it exclusive or
whatever, it’s just. I don’t want either of us to get hurt I guess? I know I
responded well the other night in the heat of the moment, but I’ve been
thinking about it a lot since.”
 
“Yeah,” Sirius says. “I totally understand.” Though he really doesn’t. He’s
never been one to have commitment issues of any kind, but he wants to accept
Remus’ feelings regardless. He pushed on his issues with his parents and that
didn’t go well, so he wants to try and be more relaxed about this. He can see
in Remus’ eyes how much he cares and wants to be with him, and that’s enough
for him.
 
“But I don’t want you to be upset, okay? I care about you a ton, and I want to
be with you, just not like that yet. Okay?”
 
Sirius nods. “I want you to be comfortable more than anything else. I’m not
mad.”
 
“Thank god,” Remus says. His whole body seems to lose its rigidity as he
relaxes back into the couch. “I want… I want this.”
 
“Me too,” Sirius says. “So we’re okay?”
 
“More than okay,” Remus says, smiling again now as he inches closer on the
couch and all but climbs into Sirius’ lap. Sirius winds his strong arms around
Remus’ frame, rubbing his fingers comfortingly along Remus’ shoulder blade. “I
missed this.”
 
“Me too,” Sirius says fervently. “Like crazy.”
 
Remus grins into his neck for a moment and then cranes his head to peck Sirius
on the lips. “I’m glad you weren’t working,” he murmurs against Sirius’ lips.
“Lily sent me right over here. She told me you were in quite the state.”
 
“Like I said,” Sirius says, smiling as he leans his forehead on Remus’. “Missed
you like crazy.”
 
“But now all I want is to cuddle and watch Netflix,” Remus says. “Or talk. I
just want you,” he adds.
 
“Mmh,” Sirius says, “Cuddles and talking sounds wonderful.”
 
So they rearrange, lying sideways nose-to-nose on the couch, legs and arms
tangled together under Sirius’ blanket. Everything feels so warm and lovely and
cozy, like his world is being enveloped in security. Remus’ soft amber eyes
soothe the sadness away from his chest as he tells him about Harry and Lily and
James and the shop. He forgets that his ice cream is melting on the table,
focused instead on Remus’ angelic face.
 
******
 
He wakes up later that afternoon to a dark apartment and a warm mass pressed
against his chest. Also a little bit of a back ache from sleeping in a weird
position, but he’d make that trade for waking up next to Remus any day.
 
Remus is still asleep, his eyelids fluttering gently as he dreams. Sirius takes
the time to soak in his gorgeous features, from his plump pink lips to his big,
adorable nose to the sweep of his hair along his forehead. He could see himself
getting used to this sight.
 
“Sweetheart,” Sirius purrs, kissing Remus gently on the nose. His eyes flutter
open and look into Sirius’, dark and hazy with sleep. “Guess we accidentally
took a nap, huh?
 
“Mmh,” Remus murmurs back, stretching lazily. “What time is it?”
 
Sirius glances at the clock beneath his TV and kisses Remus’ temple. “Only 5:
30,” he says. “What time do you have to be home?”
 
“Nine,” Remus says, cuddling back into Sirius’ chest. “But this feels so
wonderful.”
 
“I know,” Sirius all but coos back, ducking his head in to rest on Remus’ soft
hair. Everything about Remus is soft: his eyes, his skin, the arch of his back,
even his temperament. Sirius feels as though he’s cuddling a big teddy bear.
All he wants to do is go back to sleep. “But we should get up,” he murmurs. “We
could order in or cook if you want? Are you hungry?”
 
“I guess,” Remus says, nuzzling into Sirius’ neck. “But I also just want to lay
here. You’re so warm,”
 
“Mmh,” Sirius says, leaning his head back as Remus begins to nibble at his
skin. Remus’ soft, warm fingertips worm their way underneath Sirius’ shirt,
rubbing fire up his back with each touch. “Or maybe we should stay.”
 
“Oh stop,” Remus huffs into the curve of his neck. “I’m just kissing you.”
 
“And it’s very nice,” Sirius says, wiggling closer and winding his arms around
Remus. Remus’ tongue licks a trail along the vein in the side of Sirius’ neck
and he shivers, sighing happily into the top of Remus’ fluffy golden sleep-
mussed hair. “You’re wicked,” he says. “Trying to keep me here all night?”
 
“Is it working?” Remus asks as he bites down hard on the tendon on Sirius’
neck.
 
“Fuck,” he moans. “You’re never leaving.”
 
Remus laughs, leaning his head down on Sirius’ shoulder. “Let’s not put
ourselves in this situation all over again,” he jokes.
 
Sirius’ body stiffens just slightly at that remark. He wonders what Remus was
thinking when he was walking home that night; he wonders what it was like when
he walked in the front door, if his dad was drinking, if Remus fought back, how
loud everyone yelled, if anything was broken. He can remember those nights
where all hell broke loose back in his childhood home, his parents making him
pick up pieces of ancient, expensive vases barehanded so that the bits of glass
would sink into his palms, and he wants anything but that for Remus. No one
should have to go through that, but especially not the sweet, selfless boy in
his arms now. But he knows he shouldn’t say anything.
 
“I guess we could order in,” Remus mumbles.
 
“What do you want?”
 
“How about Thai?”
 
So he and Remus rummage around in his cabinet for a Thai food menu and call in
an order. They watch reruns of The Office on tv while they wait for the
delivery, paying much more attention to each other than the show. Neither of
them can keep their hands off of each other; all Sirius wants to do is pull
Remus close to him and nuzzle into his hair and rub his back soothingly, and
Remus seems content to relax sleepily into Sirius’ arms. Sirius feels in
constant danger of slipping back into their nap from earlier.
 
When the food comes, they bring it back to the couch. Sirius curls up, sitting
with his legs crisscrossed beneath him, while Remus folds his legs. Their knees
touch just slightly, just a reminder of each other’s presence, and Remus tells
him about his day at school as the each chow down on their favorite Thai
dishes. Sirius listens attentively, asking questions, watching Remus’ face
carefully. He feels so comfortable, so right, so settled. Remus feels like a
permanent fixture in his life, sitting there telling him about the discussion
from his literature class that afternoon. He can’t imagine not having that
sweet boy, he can’t imagine missing out on afternoon naps or couch cuddles or
english class stories or drips of soy sauce on Remus’ t-shirt. It’s all part of
Sirius now, part of what makes him who he is and why he’s happy, and he can’t
help but grin despite how seriously Remus takes his reading of The Awakening.
 
Once they’re done eating, Sirius collects their garbage and heads into the
kitchen to throw it out while Remus leans back against the couch and relaxes.
When Sirius comes back in, he’s just sitting there, totally at peace, eyes
closed in tranquility as he cuddles Sirius’ cozy blanket closer to his chest.
 
“You look adorable,” Sirius says, cracking a grin as he steps over to the
couch. A deep, heavy blush spreads across Remus’ face, but he has no other
reaction. “You still have half an hour before you have to leave.”
 
“I know,” Remus says, opening one eye. His big brown orbs are hazy with
sleepiness and comfort.
 
“You know what would be perfect?” Sirius murmurs, slipping down to the couch
and under Remus’ blanket. He curls around Remus’ tall, thin frame, absorbing
his warmth and soaking in the rays of affection Remus’ one open eye is
emitting.
 
“What’s that?” Remus asks. His body seems to turn to mush against Sirius’,
melting into all the available spaces until Sirius stomach is tossing and
turning and the whole of his body is filled with gentle, hot tingles.
 
“A half hour of cuddling,” Sirius proposes, leaning in to nip Remus’ earlobe.
Remus grins widely, eyes still closed. He holds his hand out and Sirius gently
places his own palm inside, lining each of his fingers up with Remus. It feels
like two ends of a circuit meeting, and suddenly the electricity flows
effortlessly between them, lighting up their touching palms. “Look,” Sirius
says quietly. “Your hands are huge.”
 
“Because you’re tiny,” Remus answers, finally picking his head up to look at
their hands. “Look, you’re like a good 6 inches shorter than me so of course my
fingers are longer.”
 
“6 inches. It’s not that much,” Sirius protests, “You’re exaggerating.”
 
“Mmh, if you say so. You know the truth, though,” Remus says, smirking as he
dips his head down to kiss Sirius’ smaller hand. “And you know what else they
say about small hands.”
 
“You shut up,” Sirius says, grinning. “We’re not going there with this.”
 
Remus laughs, twining their fingers together as he looks up at Sirius. “Self
conscious?”
 
“Not in the slightest,” Sirius says, “I just want to cuddle for a while without
talking about dicks.”
 
Remus laughs again, ducking his head down to rest on Sirius’ shoulder. He turns
to rest his cheek down, kissing Sirius’ jaw just below his ear. “But I like
talking about cocks,” Remus murmurs. “Especially yours.”
 
“Remus,” Sirius groans. “Do you wanna get home on time tonight or not?”
 
“Mmh… I don’t want to but I suppose I have to. Although I do have like 15
minutes left to stay and seduce you.”
 
“You’re awful,” he says, “I might kick you out right now.”
 
“No,” Remus begs, picking his head up.  His big, sad puppy eyes stare right
into Sirius’, but all Sirius can pay attention to is the grin Remus is trying
hard to conceal. He’s so cute, focusing all his attention on Sirius like that,
pressing the warmth of his body against Sirius’, and he dips in to kiss him,
catching Remus’ half-grinning mouth by surprise. He catches up quickly, rubbing
his tongue gently against Sirius’. They melt into each other, Sirius’ hands
curling around Remus’ back to rub soothing circles against his shoulder blade.
Remus’ fingers grip the back of his head, holding him close.
 
When Remus finally eases the muscles in his fingers and drops his hand down to
Sirius’ shoulder, they both feel so warm and comfortable and secure, sealed
away in their own little bubble under the blanket on Sirius’ couch.
 
“This was very nice,” Sirius murmurs. “You should come over again soon.”
 
“That sounds lovely,” Remus says, pecking Sirius softly on the cheek. “I’ll let
you know when I can.”
 
“I wish you could sleep over some time,” Sirius murmurs, nuzzling Remus’ neck.
“Would love to wake up to your lovely face in the morning.”
 
“Stop,” Remus says. Sirius can feel his grin against his cheek. “You’re
ridiculous.”
 
“I’m serious,” Sirius says, kissing Remus’ neck softly. All the little hairs
stand on end, showing how alert and attentive Remus is to any and all of
Sirius’ touches.
 
“I don’t think I’ll be able to any time soon,” Remus says honestly, his body
stiffening up slightly.
 
“It’s okay,” Sirius answers, “Relax, it’s not a big deal. I’d love to see you
and nap with you whenever you can.”
 
“Nap with me?” Remus grins.
 
“Well, those boyfriend pillows were expensive, so,” Sirius jokes.
 
Remus laughs softly and deeply, his warm breath tickling Sirius’ cheek. “I
think I have to go, though.”
 
“I know,” Sirius says as Remus begins standing up. He stretches as he watches
Remus straighten his clothes and then begin to put his shoes back on. “Hmm, but
I wish you could stay,” he says when a small strip of Remus’ back shows.
“You’re so warm and lovely.”
 
“Mmh, you are too, love,” he says, offering a hand to Sirius. He takes it and
stands, then grabs Remus’ face between his hands and kisses him hard on the
lips.
 
“Walk home safe, okay?”
 
“Okay,” Remus says, a small mushy smile forming on his lips.
 
“Let me know when you get home, too.”
 
“‘Course, love,” Remus answers, leaning in to rub his nose against Sirius’.
“Good night.”
 
“Night, Remus,” he says, voice low and soft, and then Remus is pulling away and
out the door, and Sirius is left with a mess of blankets on his couch and an
empty, cold bed.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Notes
     Sooo... I know it's kind of been two years and all, but recently I
     couldn't stop thinking about this story and I've decided that I need
     to really actually finish it to get it out of my head. I'm almost
     done writing it now, so no more two year hiatuses, I swear.
     Also, I imagine everyone reading this has probably just reread the
     last fourteen chapters, because, well, it's been two years, so I'd
     like to take this time to apologize because it's literally probably
     been more like four years since I wrote whatever you've just read
     and, honestly, I was in high school then. So, yeah.
     Without further ado...
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Remus starts coming to Sirius’ flat a lot more often. If he ever tries to seek
Sirius out when he’s not working, he ends up at Sirius’ front door. The first
time Remus comes around after they make up, he’s smiling sheepishly when Sirius
opens the door. Lily and James have apparently taken it upon themselves to send
him over when Sirius isn’t at the shop, which he doesn’t mind at all. They
spend that afternoon cuddling and kissing and napping in Sirius’ bed.
Sirius himself loves this new closeness; he loves cuddling on the couch or
cooking together or kissing in the kitchen, covered in flour or breadcrumbs or
whatever else they may be cooking with. He loves when Remus comes back to bed
after going to the bathroom and immediately crawls under the covers and fits
himself into Sirius, like two halves of something broken united again. Remus is
the only person he’s ever met whom he feels just as comfortable with as James
and Lily, who isn’t draining to be with the way most people are. He begins
anticipating the knock on his front door on his afternoons off.
 
Hence Sirius isn’t surprised when there’s a knock on the front door while he’s
sitting on his couch with his laptop, ordering supplies for the shop. “It’s
open,” he calls.
 
The door opens very quietly and gently, and Sirius looks over, immediately
sensing something is off. Remus usually bounds into his flat with sweet,
genuine joy and wastes no time in cuddling up to Sirius’ side. Today, however,
he shuts the door slowly behind him and looks at Sirius with a lack of his
usual happy playfulness in his eyes.
 
“You okay?” Sirius asks, shutting his laptop. He slides it onto the coffee
table carelessly without looking away from Remus.
 
“Can we talk?” Remus asks. His eyes look desperate, like that day he was chased
into the shop. He rarely shows much serious, negative emotion; Sirius knows
something is up.
 
“You gotta stop saying that all the time,” Sirius says, only half joking.
 
“Sorry,” Remus answers half-heartedly. “Not that, never that. But can we?”
 
“Of course, always,” Sirius says gently, softening his eyes at Remus. “Come
sit.”
 
He nods, walking over to the couch. He sits cross legged, facing Sirius, and
reaches over to take Sirius’ hand in both of his. He plays with his fingers
absently. “I guess I want to talk about my parents,” he says slowly. “Is that
okay?”
 
“Of course,” Sirius tells him. “We can talk about whatever you need.”
 
“Okay,” Remus says, running his thumb along the back of Sirius’ hand, his
slender fingers curling over Sirius’ muscled ones. “So my dad’s kind of a
drinker. And he has a little bit of a temper, as I’m sure you guessed,” he
begins, watching their hands move together rather than look up at Sirius’ face.
Sirius can see his pale brown eyelashes and his freckled cheeks and that’s it.
“It mostly started when I was five. My mum was pregnant and she was supposed to
have a baby girl and they were really excited because they’d wanted a girl, you
know? They’d been hoping I was a girl. But she went into labor like two months
early and ended up having a stillborn, and they were never really the same
after. My dad started drinking, and my mum just got bitter. So that was how it
started. And I don’t know if, I guess, they blamed me? They wanted her instead
of me? I’ve spent 12 years wondering, and I still don’t know. But that’s how it
started, I think.”
 
Sirius takes a moment to try and catch a glimpse of Remus’ eyes now that he’s
done, but when he realizes Remus is going to continue studiously avoiding him,
he goes on anyway. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he says softly, turning to catch
Remus’ hands in his own. “With my parents it was always that I knew they were
crazy, I never had any thought in the back of my mind that there was more to
them. There was never a time they treated me with any love. I think I thought
the nanny was my mom the first few years of my life,” he jokes weakly.
 
Remus doesn’t laugh or look up. “I don’t remember it much either way, but. I
mostly remember, after, when my mum finally started getting out of bed, she’d
send me to bed at 6 to get me out of the way before my dad came home, but
eventually she got sick of protecting me, and I think she started to think I
was getting in the way of their relationship and that that was my fault, too.
And that’s how it’s been since. There are some times where they don’t care what
I do and don’t ask or look for me, but then there are times where my dad gets
drunk and decides all hell is going to break loose or my mum has a stressful
week and decides she’s going to take it out on me. And it’s so unpredictable.
So that’s why I left so suddenly the other night, and that’s why. You know, the
black eye. My fault, honestly, for not setting an alarm. I should’ve known
better.”
 
Sirius feels his face heat up. He wants to kill whoever made Remus start
thinking this way. He can only imagine the years Remus’ self esteem has spent
breaking down, and he knows that when someone starts to think that way, starts
to internalize everything, it doesn’t go away easily. It didn’t for him. His
black eye will be gone next week, but Remus will still be saying that:  My
fault. I should’ve known better . His stomach burns with rage at the injustice,
at Remus’ parents. “Don’t  ever  say that it’s your fault if they hit you or
mistreat you in any way. Do you know what’s supposed to happen when you’re 17
and you stay out too late? You’re supposed to get a lecture or get grounded.
You don’t get...” he trails off, looking at the now mostly faded mark on Remus’
cheek.
 
“I know,” Remus says, now glancing up to meet Sirius’ gaze with a coldness he
knows isn’t directed at him. “But that’s what it is for me. That’s the hand
I’ve been dealt, and I didn’t play the cards right. You know?”
 
“You shouldn’t have to worry about playing the cards. Not to avoid getting
punched, anyway. The stakes shouldn’t be that high.” Sirius says vehemently.
This is the fight that kept him going for the first 16 years of his life, and
he doesn’t know what he’d have done if he’d become complacent. Remus doesn’t
see a way out the way he did. It breaks his heart.
 
“Which is a lovely thought and all, but I can’t change that. I know you went
through this, but I don’t have a James. I don’t have an alternative. That’s my
life,” Remus says, matching his conviction.
 
Sirius feels a sadness set deep in his stomach in place of his anger. He feels
for Remus, how Remus is trapped like an animal in a cage, how he’s grown to
accept being restrained and mistreated, and none of it is fair. “I just wish. I
wish none of this ever happened to anyone. No one deserves it, especially not
someone as sweet as you. I was such a little shit when I was still with my
parents, you know? I used to act out and do stupid, dangerous stuff and just.
Be such a reckless idiot. But you’re so responsible and you deal with it so
well, I don’t--”
 
“Sirius,” Remus interrupts, voice rigid. “I don’t ‘deal with it so well’. Some
days I can’t even handle being alive. I’m not-- I’m not well, you know?
Mentally or emotionally. It’s not like I’m this well adjusted person. I fucking
mutilate myself when I can’t handle things at home.”
 
Sirius suddenly remembers the little neat thin parallel scars lining Remus’
chest and feels bile churn in his stomach. He’d forgotten, somehow, since they
hadn’t talked about it, but now Sirius can see the pain as Remus so rarely
displays it, raw and bleeding in his big amber eyes, desperate for mercy. He
opens his mouth but for once, he doesn’t know what to say. He’d never given up
the way Remus has; he spent 16 years kicking and screaming before he got out of
his parents’ house. Wondering why, sure, blaming himself at times, sure, but he
fought . Never once did he even consider ducking his head to avoid the
crossfire. “I want you to be happy. More than anything. I never… I never really
tried to stay out of the way, but I did have moments where I needed to quietly
grieve. I knew James was there if I ever needed him, but… it was also something
I had to deal with internally, you know? I never let my parents think I was
doing anything but fighting and being angry but when it got bad, I used to
start to lose hope. Sometimes I would go to the athletic fields behind the
school, and I would go all the way to the back, where I thought no one would
find me, and lie down in the grass and look up at the stars and I’d see mine,
you know, Sirius, how big and bright it was, how it stood out above all the
others, and I’d tell myself,  I’m going to be like that one day . Rising above
my family to be something spectacular despite what I was going through. I
think, to me, that just meant being happy, having good morals, and being
capable of caring and loving. I swear to god no one in that family knew what
love felt like but I do, I love James and Lily and Harry, and I love my flat,
and I love the drawings Harry makes me that I hang up on my fridge, and I love
the way the sun looks when it radiates against the front windows of the shop at
sunset, and. So much, you know? There’s so much makes me happy. I used to be a
huge, big ball of angst but now I’ve got my life settled. It just. It gets so
much better than I would’ve thought back then. There’s so much happiness in the
world,” Sirius finishes, giving Remus’ hands a squeeze for emphasis.
 
“That feels like miles away,” Remus says looking at something invisible far off
in the distance. “But really, I don’t need the anti-suicide speech. I’m okay
for now. I just. Felt like it would be easier if I could talk to you about it
from now on but I wanted to like. Give some background I guess? I don’t want to
have to deal with that next time I really need you.”
 
“I get it,” Sirius says, caressing the backs of Remus’ knuckles. “I’m glad you
feel like you can talk to me. I want to be able to help, whatever that means
for you. Okay?”
 
“Okay,” Remus says, eyes softening quite a bit. “Thank you. You’re the best,”
he adds, leaning in just slightly.
 
Sirius laughs and closes the distance between them to peck him on the lips.
“I’m a decent human being, at least. I wouldn’t say the best.”
 
“Well, a pretty good one then,” Remus says. “Near the top. 90th percentile at
least.”
 
“Who else is in the 90th percentile? Russell Brand?” Sirius teases, a smile
crooking at the corner of his lips.
 
“Fuck you,” Remus replies with no real venom, grinning right back. “Or else
maybe, but below you.”
 
“Nice,” Sirius says. “So I’m first pick, not just because it’s a bit hard to
access Russell Brand’s dick?”
 
“Are you jealous? Sirius Black is insecure?” Remus asks, raising one of those
light brown eyebrows, and  god , Sirius feels like he’s melting when Remus
flirts with him, every time.
 
“Just want to know that you’re not only here for the gorgeous hair and face.
Well, and body,” Sirius says, tilting his head at Remus so that his long black
hair falls into his face. He tightens his grip around Remus’ fingers.
 
“And all that modesty, too,” Remus says, shaking his head. “But no, I like the
rest of you too, for some odd reason.”
 
“Odd reason? I thought I was the best.” Sirius says, furrowing his eyebrows in
mock confusion.
 
“You’re down to the 80th percentile,” Remus amends, and they both laugh as they
cuddle up on the couch for the afternoon.
 
                                    ******
 
James decided to start holding interviews for a part time employee a week ago,
and now they’re down to the final selection. James is sitting down with one of
the top candidates, a pretty young girl, maybe about 22, with tan skin, a neat
brown bun and pretty, simple makeup. She’s dressed smartly, wearing a pressed
white blouse and a black skirt along with a big pair of glasses with dark
plastic frames. The only thing that keeps Sirius from dismissing her as just
another bland uni student in London is the big septum piercing hanging from her
nose and the rose piece he can just barely see leaking down from the rolled up
sleeve of her blouse. She talks like she knows what she’s talking about too;
some of the other applicants were too mousy, too ditzy, too bubbly, too
pretentious, but she seems just right. Sirius looks down at the copy of her
application on the counter in front of him; she used to work at a coffee shop
in Italy, where she grew up and went to secondary school. Sirius listens closer
for her accent, and he watches her for a moment to confirm before reading over
her other qualifications. She’s currently in culinary school and is looking for
a job in the field to pick up experience. Sirius leans against the counter to
listen to the interview.
 
James really knows what he’s doing as far as the business side of things go,
much more so than Sirius. Sirius is good at ordering stuff for the shop online
or keeping inventory but he could never manage payroll or interviews.
 
“Just give me one sec while I talk with another of the owners, okay?” he hears
James say over the scoot of his chair being pushed out. He walks over, stepping
into Sirius’ personal space. “What do you think?” he asks quietly.
 
“I think she’s perfect,” Sirius says, standing straight up once more. “Haven’t
seen all the other applicants but I think this is the one.”
 
“Yeah,” James agrees, looking over at her. “Me too. She knows her shit.”
 
“Plus,” Sirius says, cracking a grin, “she’s got a sick tattoo on her right
bicep.”
 
“The most important qualification of all,” James says, laughing. “So her?”
 
“I think so,” Sirius agrees.
 
“Okay,” James says nodding. He pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his
nose and runs a hand through his perpetually messy hair. “Lil will like her
too, I think.”
 
He makes his way back to the table, and the conversation seems to go well. The
girl, who he overhears James refer to as Olivia, is all smiles, shaking James’
hand as they set up a date to come back and do paperwork. Once she’s gone,
James comes around the counter again.
 
“That was easy,” Sirius says, surprised.
 
“Because you weren’t here for the whole week of painful interviews,” James
retorts. “At this point I was happy to settle for anyone.”
 
“Well, I’ve been busy,” Sirius says, smiling absently. Just  mentioning  Remus
is enough to make his heart race.
 
“Right,” James says, grinning. “How are things going on that front? I hear
someone’s been spending a lot of time at your flat.”
 
“Hmm, maybe. Mostly a lot of cuddling on the couch and watching TV and
napping,” Sirius tells him honestly. “Things were a little heated at first, but
he felt like it moved too fast, so now we’re hanging back, I think. I don’t
mind, though, I just like spending time with him,” Sirius admits.
 
“Awhhh,” James coos, grinning. “Someone’s falling in love.”
 
“Oh, stop,” Sirius says, blushing and turning away in embarrassment. James is
right, probably, James always knows what he’s going to feel before he feels it
himself. When he stops to pay attention, anyway. He’s not ready to admit it to
himself yet, but this is more, whatever he has with Remus. More than just
hooking up, or dating, or seeing each other casually, whether or not Remus
wants to admit it. “I really like him is all for now,” Sirius says finally.
 
“I’m glad you’re happy though,” James tells him honestly, clapping him on the
back. “Both of you. You deserve it.”
 
“Thanks, mate. That means a lot.” Sirius tells him, looking down at the
counter. “He’s… he’s probably gonna be around for a while, at least. I hope. So
I’m glad you’re okay with it now, you know.”
 
“Yeah,” James says sheepishly. “I should’ve been from the start. I’m sorry.
It’s not so much of a difference. Mum and dad were 12 years apart.”
 
“Yeah,” Sirius says. “It just feels like a lot because he’s in secondary school
still. But there’s not that big of a maturity difference, y’know? Neither of us
were as grown up as he is when we were that age, and you were about to be a
dad.”
 
“Yeah,” James agrees, smiling. “And that turned out okay, so he’ll probably be
fine having a baby of his own.”
 
Sirius furrows his eyebrows.
 
“You, you goof,” he clarifies, laughing, “You’re the baby.”
 
Sirius shakes his head with a smile, brushing it off. “I’ll have you know, I’m
an adult. I pay rent and everything.”
 
“Then why am I the one who has to go do the paperwork to hire this girl?” James
asks, finally grabbing the girl’s resume and heading for the back.
 
“Someone’s gotta stay out here and wait for Remus,” Sirius answers cheekily.
 
“You mean watch the shop,” James corrects sarcastically.
 
“Right,” Sirius says, and when James peeks back from the doorway, he grins
innocently.
 
The shop surges with the afternoon regulars moving in and out as nearby
business people take their lunch breaks and head in to grab their afternoon
caffeine boost. It’s another hour and a half before Remus comes in, a welcome
face just as the chaos is dying down.
 
“Hello, my dear,” he greets over the whirring of the blender as he makes the
last customer’s drink. “How was school?”
 
“Eh,” he says, smiling despite his lack of enthusiasm. “How was work?”
 
“Eh,” Sirius repeats, mirroring his grin. He pours the drink into a cup and
sprays a dome of whipped cream on top before sliding it across the counter.
“Have a nice day,” he tells the woman in a suit and pumps. She doesn’t look up
from her phone as she grabs her coffee and heads out the front door of the
shop.
 
“Just ‘eh’?” Remus asks, stepping forward to lean on the counter in her place.
 
“Well, it was just ‘eh’ until this gorgeous boy came in and made my knees go
weak.  So  gorgeous, big golden eyes and soft hair and adorable oversized
sweater,” Sirius gushes, reaching across the countertop to grab Remus’ hands
away from pulling at the sleeves of the aforementioned sweater. Once they’re
free, Sirius links his fingers between Remus’.
 
Remus is blushing bright pink. “Stop,” he says, smiling. “Do I really make your
afternoon?”
 
“Sure do,” Sirius says, leaning across the counter a little further. “I think
it could be even better if I had a kiss though.”
 
“Just one?” Remus asks, smiling as he leans in. “Two would ruin it?”
 
“Hm, yeah, I would probably die of ecstasy,” Sirius says with an impish grin.
 
Remus laughs. “Shut up, you dork,” he says. “That’s too much.”
 
Sirius laughs along with him, walking around the counter to pull Remus into a
hug. “Wanted to see how much you’d take before you yelled at me,” he says,
craning his neck up just slightly to nuzzle into the side of Remus’ hair.
 
“Flattering, but silly,” Remus says. He pulls Sirius tight against him, making
a small sound of contentment. “Seeing you always makes my day, too,” he dips
his head to murmur into Sirius’ ear. “I love the way you look at me and smile
so genuinely.”
 
“Well, that’s because I’m genuinely happy,” Sirius answers, kissing Remus’
neck. Remus’ fingers crawl beneath his sweater and grip his back, the tips of
his nails digging into Sirius’ skin. He sighs softly as Sirius nips gently at
the surface of Remus’ skin.
 
“You’re the worst,” Remus says weakly, pressing his hips against Sirius’ so
that he can feel his half-hard cock against his stomach.
 
“Really like the neck kissing, huh?” Sirius teases, grinning and looking at the
flustered redness spreading across Remus’ cheeks. “Guess I’ll keep that in
mind.”
 
“For when?” Remus asks, blushing further at his own audacity. He looks into
Sirius’ eyes very seriously, with a certain burning fire that Sirius hasn’t
seen since that night in his kitchen after he’d put Harry to bed.
 
“Right now, if I could have my way,” Sirius says, voice deep and gravelly with
arousal. Remus swallows hard, adam's apple bobbing, and Sirius’ own cock throbs
against the constricting zipper of his jeans.
 
“Am I interrupting something?” James asks suddenly, amused. Sirius nearly leaps
out of his skin with how quickly he turns to face James, standing in the
doorway to the back room. His smirk grows when his eyes glance down to the
noticeable bulge protruding from Sirius’ pants. He blushes deeply; he and James
have no secrets, and back when they were teenagers, there were certainly a few…
uncomfortably timed erections in the presence of each other, even shared
information about every bit of anything sexual. But now they’re adults, and
Sirius is sharing something with Remus, something private, and it feels weird
to have James intrude.
 
“Seems that way,” Sirius says, attempting to come off casually. He glances at
Remus, whose cheeks are roughly the color of ripe cherries. He pulls him in and
rubs his shoulder comfortingly. “How’s the paperwork?”
 
“Not terrible,” James replies, “I’m done with it, though, so I can stay out
here.”
 
“Oh,” Remus says, his embarrassment taking on a twinge of sadness. He looks
over at Sirius. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then?” he asks.
 
“No, no, mate,” James says with a friendly smile, “I thought maybe you and
Sirius might like to go spend some time together. You don’t have to go
anywhere, not if you don’t want, though. I know we got off on the wrong foot,
yeah? But I’m sorry for how I acted. Friends?” he asks genuinely, tilting his
head.
 
“Yeah,” Remus says after a moment of hesitation. Sirius squeezes his shoulder
encouragingly. “Friends.”
 
“So you two have a good afternoon,” James says.
 
James locks eyes with Sirius for a moment, and Sirius thanks him silently for
his out of character tact, for being accepting, for understanding. James has
been his brother for so many years, and it was terrifying to have lost that for
even a week, but now that it’s back, he cherishes it more than ever. James
merely rolls his eyes, however.
 
“Get out already,” James says, laughing. “I have work to do. Someone was
distracted and didn’t put new pots of coffee on.”
 
“Mmh, well, something gorgeous wandered through the front door and I couldn’t
help but be distracted,” Sirius says, dipping in to peck Remus on the cheek.
 
“Cut it out,” Remus says as James wrinkles his nose and comments, “Gross,
Sirius.”
 
“Not a romantic bone in either of you,” Sirius jokes. “Come on, Remus.”
 
“Right, speaking of bone,” James jokes as they head for the door.
 
“Bye,” Sirius says loudly over Remus’ uncomfortable laugh.
 
Outside they feel much more alone, even between the London sidewalk bustle.
Remus leans in to peck Sirius tenderly on the cheek, twining their fingers
together.
 
“I’m so glad you two made up,” Remus says softly.
 
“I’m glad he’s finally realizing that he’s gotta really get to know you and
respect that you’re part of my life,” Sirius says, bumping his nose into Remus’
neck. “Because you’re both really important to me.”
 
“I don’t want it to be a competition,” Remus says, craning his neck absently.
“They’re your family and it’s important to me that they like me and approve.”
 
“That’s sweet,” Sirius murmurs, pecking his jaw before he pulls away and hands
Remus the helmet swung over the handlebars. “But we’re both adults, and even if
he doesn’t approve I can make my own decisions.”
 
“I’m not arguing that,” Remus says as he pulls it over his fluff of golden
hair. “But you know. It’d be nice to get along. For the future.”
 
Sirius grins, climbing onto the bike and holding a hand out to help Remus. “For
the future?”
 
“Yeah,” Remus says, sitting snugly behind Sirius, and when he ducks his head
down against Sirius’ neck, Sirius can feel the heat radiating off of his
embarrassed cheeks. “You know. If things go well.”
 
“I’d say they’re going well,” Sirius says with a grin. He turns his head and
Remus lifts his, warm gray meeting soft honey. “What do you think?”
 
“Yeah,” he says, voice cracking. Remus’ eyes are swimming with something so
overwhelming it chokes even Sirius up. He leans in and kisses Remus’ soft lips,
hooking an arm backwards around his neck to hold him close. He kisses him
deeply, tongue delving between Remus’ lips. Remus’ fingers grip his hips
tightly, and Sirius’ chest feels whole, filled to the brim with something pure
and bright. When Sirius pulls away, he sighs with satisfaction.
 
Sirius locks eyes one last time with Remus before turning around and flying
away from the curb.
 
Back at Sirius’ flat, they walk inside and make their way upstairs in a
comfortable, warm silence. They can’t stop touching, even in small ways,
constantly holding hands or kissing or winding their arms around one another.
 
Sirius takes a moment to find his keys, and Remus leans against his side, eyes
half closed. Sirius wants to have a rainbow of adjectives lighting through his
brain, wants to describe this feeling in a million beautiful poetic ways to
remember it forever through a rose-colored lens, but for now all he can think
of is  warm , the warmth of Remus’ body and the warmth of his eyes and the
warmth bubbling in the pit of Sirius’ stomach. When he gets the door open,
Remus lazily balances his weight back on his feet and strolls inside the
apartment.
 
“Could we go inside?” he asks sleepily. “I just want to cuddle.”
 
“Of course,” Sirius tells him, leaning in to kiss his temple. “Do you want
anything first? A drink or something to eat?”
 
“No,” he answers, ducking his head to nuzzle into Sirius’ shoulder. “Just you.”
 
Sirius grins, leading him into the bedroom, where Remus immediately slips his
shoes and jeans off and crawls under the covers. Sirius laughs and sits on the
edge of the bed to unlace his boots. Remus crawls up behind him, cuddling into
his back. Sirius turns just enough to see Remus’ content, sleepy face with a
sweet smile and closed eyes. He knows that expression; it’s a look of absolute
comfort. He didn’t learn it until he was around Remus’ age either, and even
though he knows it well now, it fills his heart with so much satisfaction, that
he’s shared that with Remus. He feels like it may burst.
 
“Hurry up,” Remus’ soft voice mumbles. He nips at the skin on Sirius’ hip, and
Sirius jumps a bit and laughs.
 
“Okay,” he says, laughing as he stands, kicking his boots off and tugging his
jeans off. “You sure are in a rush to get my half naked self in bed with you,
aren’t you?”
 
Remus sighs, grinning despite himself as he rolls away. “I dunno. I’m kind of
tired.”
 
Sirius pulls the blanket back and cuddles up behind Remus. He kisses the back
of his neck, soft and sweet. “I didn’t mean anything by that. I would
absolutely love to just nap with you.”
 
“I know,” Remus answers, relaxing back into Sirius’ welcoming arms. “I just. I
don’t know.”
 
“Talk to me,” Sirius prompts. He hooks an arm around Remus, quickly finding his
hand and intertwining their fingers. “Communication is key and all.”
 
“Well,” Remus begins shyly. Sirius nuzzles his neck comfortingly, and he
continues, “I’m worried about moving too fast, I guess? I know I already said,
but.”
 
“Okay,” Sirius answers, squeezing his hand. “Whatever you’re comfortable with.
I know we like. Messed around, or whatever you want to call it, the night Harry
was here, but if that made you feel weird we don’t have to--”
 
“No, no,” Remus interrupts, turning over so that he can look into Sirius’ eyes.
Sirius’ fingers slip under his shirt instead to rub encouraging circles on his
hips. “That’s fine, I’m just. I’m worried about actually having sex, honestly.”
 
“Oh,” Sirius says, eyes softening just barely. Remus nibbles his bottom lip
nervously and Sirius lifts his hand to carefully rub his thumb along Remus’
chin until he releases his lip. “You don’t have to worry about that, babe. Not
until you decide you want it, if you do.”
 
“I do, not quite yet, but I do. I’m just afraid because, like. Well. I’ve heard
it’s supposed to hurt a lot, and I know you said before that it doesn’t, but
like. You know?” Remus stumbles over his words, eyes anxiously scanning Sirius’
face.
 
Sirius, however, just smiles curiously. “Not that we have to discuss this, not
now, not if you don’t want to, but… are you interested in bottoming, then?
Because if not, I would  definitely  be happy to. You don’t have to worry about
that.”
 
Remus blinks, eyebrows furrowing just slightly. “Well, I guess I just figured…”
 
Sirius laughs, leaning in to bump his nose to Remus’. “You have absolutely
nothing to worry about, love,” he says. “I honestly much prefer it. Regardless,
there’s no pressure to do anything.”
 
“Really?” Remus asks, the wrinkles between his brows growing deeper. “You like
it that much?”
 
“I do,” Sirius murmurs. He feels heat uncontrollably rush south when he thinks
about Remus, his Remus, inside of him. “It’s very,  very  nice once you’re used
to it.”
 
“I’ll take your word for it,” Remus says, laughing softly and just a bit
nervously. “I think I still want to wait a while, though.”
 
“Which is completely fine with me,” Sirius tells him, twining their legs
together. “I’m in absolutely no rush.”
 
“But in the meantime…” Remus trails, pressing his hips to Sirius. Sirius can
clearly feel Remus’ hard cock and he looks into his sultry through-the-
eyelashes gaze and grins.
 
“I can definitely help with that,” Sirius responds. He dives in to kiss Remus,
and the bedroom is quiet and empty of conversation for quite a while after
that.
Chapter End Notes
     This chapter was recently heavily edited but I'm gonna be honest, I
     still don't think it's great. I just feel uncomfortable not finishing
     this and I don't really have any motivation to rewrite the whole
     thing. I'm planning to update regularly, like maybe every Monday or
     something, until I actually have all 25 chapters up. Hopefully
     someone's still around to read!
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Sirius spends the next few days indulging himself in blissful afternoons in bed
with Remus. They nap and watch Netflix and cuddle and sometimes give each other
hand jobs, but mostly things are relatively tame.
 
 Remus is soft-spoken and gentle and bashful, but he’s also something radiant,
with a heart like a gold mine. He gets to know about Remus’ life, hearing and
in turn telling stories, and everything he hears is endearing. There isn’t a
moment that he’s wrapped around Remus (or vice versa) that there isn’t a face-
splitting grin on both of their faces. He can feel the newfound
lightheartedness in his stomach and the constant sweatiness of his palms and
the ache in his heart when Remus has to leave each night and Sirius must go to
bed alone, and it all culminates in a constant sloshy nervousness in his chest,
a feeling he hasn’t felt in quite a long while: desperately and helplessly
falling in love.
 
Around noon one day towards the end of the week, Sirius finds himself working
with the new girl for the first time. Olivia is far more competent than even
Sirius was when he started, but he hadn’t had any prior experience. Olivia
mixes drinks like a pro and smiles so sweetly at the customers that the tip jar
fills faster than he’s ever seen it. James looks proud but distracted, grinning
at his phone every few seconds. Sirius knows that just as much as his mind
orbits around Remus like a huge, unmovable force, James is constantly fully
focused on his wife and the new baby she’s carrying.
 
When the mid-morning rush calms down, James steps aside from Olivia and
gestures Sirius over. She busies herself making fresh coffee.
 
“What do you think?” James asks.
 
“She seems awesome. I’m glad to not have to be here a million hours a week,”
Sirius admits. “There’s somewhere I’d much rather be. And you too, I bet. I’m
glad we found someone we can trust, yeah?”
 
“Mmh,” James agrees, leaning contentedly against the wall. “I might look for
one more person. It’s gonna be hard when the baby comes.”
 
“True,” Sirius says. “If we can find someone as good as her, we’d be set.”
 
James nods and then looks away. He does that fidgety thing with his hands in
his pockets that Sirius has always known to mean he’s uncomfortable and is
about to say something he doesn’t want to. Sirius braces himself for whatever
it might be. However, when he opens his mouth, all he says is, “How are things
going with Remus?”
 
Sirius is surprised to hear that. He hasn’t talked about Remus much with James
since everything that happened, and certainly not in a genuine, candid way, but
he might as well start now. “They’re going great, honestly,” he says. “He’s
been spending a lot of time at my flat. It’s just so… I guess refreshing, to
have someone new to feel comfortable with.” James looks confused and a little
bit hurt, so Sirius presses on. “Because I just kind of feel like you and Lily
want me around less, you know? Which is understandable, with the baby and all.
But it’s kind of lonely for me because--”
 
“Sirius,” James interrupts. His eyebrows are furrowed in concern. Sirius feels
a lump in his throat. He didn’t really mean to start this whole emotional
conversation now, but James doesn’t look like he’s going to let it slide.
“You’re perfectly welcome at home as much as you want. You’re family. I’ve been
spending a lot of time with Lils because I want to make sure she’s okay, and
I’m nervous as hell without Mum and Dad to help like they did with Harry, but
that’s it. If you feel like you need more, then I fully support you, but you’re
not any less welcome than you’ve ever been. I don’t want you thinking that,
okay?” James asks. He looks upset; Sirius hadn’t meant to upset him. He nods
lamely. James pulls him in for a tight hug. “I love you, mate,” James says.
“After all we’ve done for each other, you’re never going to be unwelcome.”
 
“Thanks,” Sirius says. He’d say more but he feels a bit choked up, honestly,
and he doesn’t need to cry right now.
 
“I want you over for Christmas,” James says. “We’ll even make Harry wait for
presents til you come over.”
 
“Of course,” Sirius says, blinking until the hot feeling in his eyes goes away.
“Yeah. Thank you.”
 
“You don’t need to,” James says, and then he laughs at himself as he has to dab
at his own eyes.
 
“Okay,” Sirius says, grinning. “I think this is enough of this. Conversation’s
over when the crying starts.”
 
“Yeah,” James says, quickly trying to hide his emotional lapse. “Glad you found
someone who makes you happy, though.”
 
“He really does. He’s so great, James. He’s like-- he’s just so sarcastic and
funny but. Sweet? He’s got like this perfect wit and he’s so attractive but
he’s... I just really like him a lot,” Sirius says lamely. His cheeks turn red
when he sees the funny look James is giving him.
 
“You do,” James says. He’s grinning a little bit. Sirius blushes harder. “Do
you love him?” he adds somewhat teasingly. “I’ve never heard you gush like
that, you girl.”
 
“No,” he answers, glaring halfheartedly at James in reply. “Well. Not yet. He’s
great, and I can see myself being with him for a while, but I don’t know him
super well yet. Not enough to love him, I don’t think.”
 
“Okay,” James says, raising an eyebrow. He’s still got that little knowing grin
on his face. “No need to defend yourself.”
 
“I’m not. But he’s, James, I’ve never been in a relationship where both the
emotional stuff and the sex stuff were  so good,”  Sirius admits.
 
“Sex? You’ve had sex with him? Lily told me you were his first kiss,” James
says incredulously.
 
“No,” Sirius says, rolling his eyes. “Just like.You know, other stuff. But even
that, you know?”
 
“Yeah,” James agrees, running a hand through his hair. His eyebrows are doing
that thing they do when he would really like to change the subject, all furrowy
and odd. “Lily and I didn’t for nearly eight months, it’s far from the most
important thing.”
 
Sirius sighs, relaxing against the wall. “Thank you for trying. I know this
still makes you feel a little weird,” he says, “This is important to me. He’s
special, I think.”
 
“I know,” James says, grinning. “I can see it in your eyes when you talk about
him. But maybe I’d feel better if I got to know him personally, too, yeah? ” he
asks, nodding over Sirius’ shoulder.
 
Sirius tilts his head in confusion for a moment before the bell over the door
jingles, and he spins around to watch Remus walk in. He’s wearing a dark gray
peacoat, skinny jeans, dark brown leather ankle boots, and a long blue scarf
curled around his neck, framing his red cheeks, bitten by the cold. He looks
radiant, golden eyes shining and smile spreading wide. Sirius has honestly
never seen such a beautiful sight; he feels like his breath has literally been
taken away by the idea of Remus falling so seamlessly into his life. “Hey,” he
greets, nearly choking on the word.
 
“Hi,” Remus says easily, coming up and wrapping him in a tight hug. Remus is so
warm, even after being in the cold, and he smells lovely; Sirius takes a deep
breath in through his nose and soaks it all in. It smells like comfort; it
smells like home.
 
“So, love,” he says, pulling away reluctantly. “James and I were just talking
about you.”
 
“Hey mate,” James greets a stunned Remus joyfully. “I was just telling Sirius
that we should get to know each other better, what with how he goes on and on
about you and all. I’ve heard quite a few wonderful things about you.”
 
“You too,” Remus says, sounding a bit off, and Sirius laughs and kisses the
side of his neck.
 
“I told you it would be okay, babe,” Sirius murmurs softly into his ear. He
feels Remus stiffen when he calls him ‘babe’. “He’s not going to bite.”
 
James smiles sheepishly. “It’s true,” he agrees. “No fangs or anything. Sirius
might bite, if you want him to, but--”
 
“But we’re definitely not going to go there right now,” Sirius interrupts with
a grin, elbowing James.
 
Remus smiles nervously. “Sorry,” he says. “I just haven’t heard good things in
reference to your opinions of me.”
 
James briefly looks embarrassed, and Sirius sees a new wave of regret flood his
eyes. “Well, it’s hard to have a well-informed opinion on someone you’ve hardly
met. Plus I’ve been listening to Sirius rant and rave about how amazing you are
all morning, so you can’t be that bad, yeah?” James says, forcing a smile.
 
“Okay, God, I don’t talk about him that much,” Sirius interrupts, cheeks
turning red despite the smile lingering on his lips.
 
“But James isn’t the first person to tell me that,” Remus corrects, glancing
over at a blushing Sirius. “I’ve heard you’re a pretty great guy too, though.”
 
“This is not punk,” Sirius protests, burying his head into Remus’ shoulder, who
laughs softly in response and scratches his back comfortingly.
 
“You should come over for dinner one night,” James continues, grinning at the
two of them. “I hear you and Harry get on and Lily adores you.”
 
“Okay,” Remus says hesitantly. “That sounds great.”
 
“Alright,” James says, grinning as he glances over to Sirius, whose long black
hair is curtained around his face as he leans on Remus’ shoulder. “How about
next Tuesday? I think Lily needs help building the nursery furniture that day
anyway, so Sirius’ morning will probably be monopolized with that,” he jokes.
 
“Yeah,” Remus agrees, “That should be fine.”
 
“Great,” James says with a smile. “Lily will be so excited when I tell her. You
guys should go though, I don’t mean to keep you here, not when I’m sure Sirius
is so anxious to get you alone,” he teases.
 
Sirius groans. “From disapproving to practically shoving us into my bedroom,”
he says, lifting his head at last. He sounds upset, but the gleam in his eyes
says otherwise. “See you tomorrow?” he asks James.
 
“Sure, mate,” James says, stepping back over to assist Olivia, who is beginning
to get a line from the afternoon rush. “Have a nice night,” he adds, winking.
 
Sirius rolls his eyes pointedly and then leads the way out, Remus on his heels.
 
“That was,” Remus begins once the door shuts behind them. “Unexpected?”
 
“I told you it’d be okay,” Sirius tells him, turning to face Remus and taking
his hand comfortingly. “I knew once James realized how important to me you are
he’d really make an effort.”
 
“How important I am?” Remus asks, smirking. “Very forward to say to someone
you’re casually dating.”
 
“Oh, shut up,” Sirius says, grinning. “Casually dating, my ass. We don’t even
go on dates anymore.”
 
“Well, no one’s actually officially asked me to be his boyfriend,” Remus says,
sighing and looking theatrically down to the pavement.
 
“I distinctly remember you telling me you weren’t ready,” Sirius says
teasingly. He raises an eyebrow as he looks into Remus’ eyes, running his thumb
over the back of Remus’ hand.
 
“Things have changed, I think,” Remus says, turning his head slightly to break
eye contact. “We’ve had a really good few weeks, I thought.”
 
“Remus, my dear,” Sirius says, stepping in close. He wraps his arms around
Remus’ waist, leaning in to kiss his neck. Remus goes half limp in his hold,
relaxing into his touch, finally looking back up at Sirius’ eyes. “Will you be
my boyfriend?” he asks, voice low and husky as he nips at his neck.
 
“Well,” Remus says. His fingers grip Sirius’ hips hard, tugging him in closer.
 
“Don’t torture me,” Sirius says, laughing as he nuzzles Remus’ jaw.
 
“Yes,” Remus responds, laughing now too, “Of course I will. Can we go back to
your flat?”
 
“Always,” Sirius tells him, nipping his earlobe one last time before pulling
away.
 
The ride home is filled with a slow and leisurely kind of sexual tension, which
is one thing Sirius really loves about long term relationships. The desire
doesn’t burn hot and bright, like short-lived kindling, but it roasts slowly
between them, a healthy bonfire. The kind you cuddle up next to with a cozy
blanket. He hasn’t felt this with anyone since before Harry was born, and even
then… not like this.
 
Remus kisses the back of his neck at a stoplight and he feels the chills
everywhere, but it feels like an old comfort rather than an electric shock,
which he loves. He can see them exchanging christmas presents in a month and
then valentines in three and it’s all clear in front of him, the future
sleepovers and I-love-yous and morning cuddles and he knows that the boy curled
warmly against his back is part of the pack now, that he’s wormed his way well
and irrevocably into Sirius’ life, and there isn’t a moment of their future
that he isn’t looking forward to.
 
When he pulls up in front of his flat, he turns his head over his shoulder
before Remus can get off the bike and gives him a long, slow kiss, leaning in
deeper as Remus tries to pull away. He gives in, then, tangling his fingers
into Sirius’ cold hair in the brisk wind, nuzzling up to his warm scalp. When
they finally do pull away, both of their eyes dance with stars.
 
“As lovely as that was,” Remus murmurs, eyes shining in the bitter wind, “I’m
freezing to death.”
 
Sirius laughs as he shuts the engine and begins to climb off. Remus is not the
romantic he is, he knows this, and he loves that too. “Yeah, it’s fucking cold
out here. To the warmth of blankets and cuddles?” He asks, extending a hand.
Remus quickly extracts himself from the bike seat and takes it.
 
They huddle close the whole way up to the apartment, Remus’ fingers on Sirius’
hips, his forehead resting against the side of Sirius’ in the elevator. Sirius
adores the closeness, and he drags the trip out as long as possible, extending
their contact and prolonging the warmth of Remus’ touch.
 
When they finally push open the front door, Sirius flicks the lights on. “Where
do you wanna go?” he asks, slipping his shoes off at the door and hanging up
his leather jacket. Remus hooks his coat and scarf right next to Sirius’.
 
“I dunno, maybe 3rd?” Remus says with a cheeky smile. “No, but the bedroom
would be nice. I feel in the mood for cuddling and maybe a short nap.”
 
“And a blow job, apparently,” Sirius says sardonically, but he grins and winks
at Remus, leading the way into the bedroom. Remus immediately begins to strip
down to a t-shirt and boxers, and Sirius follows suit. They curl up under the
blanket in a huge ball of boy, Sirius’ fuzzy legs tangling with Remus’ until
it’s hard to tell where one starts and ends.
 
“Gorgeous,” Remus says in a rare moment of mushy affection, his eyes scanning
Sirius’ face. “You really are. I want you. Not just now or for cuddling and
watching TV, but all the time. No matter where I am,” he says, eyes crinkling
at the corner with mild self-consciousness at his sudden sensitivity, “You
know?”
 
“More than I could tell you, babe.” Sirius says, brushing the tips of their
noses together.
 
“I love that,” Remus tells him, fueled by Sirius’ agreement. He sounds sleepy
and content, eyes closing in pleasure. “When you call me babe.”
 
“I know,” Sirius says, grinning. “Your knees nearly gave out when I said it at
the shop. I thought either that or that I’d frightened you.”
 
“I wasn’t expecting it,” Remus answers, smiling softly. “And you’ve never
called me that in front of anyone before. I got, like, half hard,” he says.
 
Sirius laughs. He has soft dimples, Remus notices for the first time, so small
they’re nearly imperceptible. Remus reaches for Sirius’ hands, twining their
fingers together. “I wish I would’ve known,” Sirius says. “I would’ve taken you
in the back and ravaged you against the shelves.”
 
“Hot,” Remus says sarcastically, “You know how the smell of millions of coffee
beans behind me gets me going.”
 
“No,” Sirius purrs, “It’s the idea of me touching you a doorway away from the
shop full of people.” Remus’ eyes get hazy and distant, and Sirius laughs
softly, giving his hand a squeeze. “And maybe I could’ve gone down on my knees
in front of you and kissed your cock through your jeans, and unbuttoned them
slowly… Your fingers in my hair as I’d pull your jeans down, and you couldn’t
make a sound because the shop’d be full of people--”
 
“Sirius,” Remus says suddenly. “Please? Please shut up and kiss me.”
 
“Hm, I think I can do that,” he murmurs, leaning in to press his lips to
Remus’. Remus’ smooth, thick tongue grazes his own, pleasantly warm and burning
hot at once, and Sirius wraps a hand around Remus’ face, holding him close.
When he worms closer, he can feel Remus’ hard length firm against his hip, and
when he presses even closer, Remus ruts helplessly against him, and he feels
his stomach tense up with arousal. “So about that whole ‘third’ situation,”
Sirius says quietly, pulling away.
 
Remus laughs, a deep red hue spreading over his cheeks. “Do you want to?”
 
“Very much so,” Sirius says sincerely, curling his fingers around Remus’ thick
length through his boxers.
 
The mirth drops from Remus’ face with record speed. “Okay,” he agrees softly,
“Yeah.”
 
“Yeah?” Sirius asks, grinning at the look of stunned arousal on Remus’ face.
 
“Yeah,” Remus stutters out, flush skipping up his cheekbones and temples and
even the tips of his ears. “Um. Go for it?”
 
Sirius leans in and kisses the corner of Remus’ jaw. “Say, ‘Sirius, please suck
my cock,’” he teases, secretly thrilled with Remus’ innocent shyness.
 
“What’s with you and the dirty talk tonight?” Remus asks under his breath,
thrusting his hips into Sirius’ hand in a desperate search for stimulation.
 
“Do you like it?” Sirius asks with a grin. He sits up and pats Remus’ hips to
get him to lift them and then pulls his boxers down, Remus’ hard cock springing
free.
 
“Kind of,” He answers distractedly. Sirius’ eyes are full of scorching passion.
 
“Then there’s your answer,” Sirius says huskily, dropping to lie on his side,
supported by his elbow. He glances up and smirks when he sees the lust in
Remus’ eyes and the way his adam’s apple bobs as he swallows hard.  He dips his
head in and slides his lips expertly over just the tip of Remus’ cock, tongue
swiping the pool of precome away. Sirius makes a soft, pleased sound at the
taste, and the vibrations reverberate down Remus’ shaft. He moans then, twining
his fingers into Sirius’ hair as Sirius’ head bobs up and down along his
length. Sirius has honestly never given someone their first blow job before, so
he’s awed by Remus’ raw enthusiasm and lack of self-control. He can tell that
Remus is trying to keep his hips still, but they still thrust up in short, ill-
controlled motions, and Sirius’ brain is spinning with Remus’ deep moans and
the salty bitter taste of Remus’ cock pressing against his tongue.
 
Sirius hasn’t done this in a long time, and he’s missed it; the smell of sex in
the air, Remus’ heavy breathing and pleased moans, the heaviness of his cock in
his mouth, and even the thick taste of Remus’ precome. The air is dense with
arousal and Remus is restless beneath him. He begins to move faster, twisting
his tongue expertly along the head of Remus’ cock, and Remus fingers pull hard,
gripping his hair tightly at the scalp.
 
“Shit,” he says. “Sirius.” Sirius dips his head down until his lips are at the
base of Remus’ cock, and Remus makes a small gasping sound of pleasure. “
Sirius ,” he repeats emphatically. “God. I can’t,” he begins, then stops for a
minute as Sirius does something particularly nice with his tongue. “Can’t wait
to fuck you, can’t wait to make you feel this good,” he says, his voice deep
and hoarse, and then Sirius groans in response, and the pulsation sends Remus
over the edge, crying Sirius’ name and thrusting until he’s nearly fucking
Sirius’ mouth. Sirius swallows every drop of his cum and, once Remus finishes,
licks him clean.
 
“Me either,” Sirius says, grinning up at a blushing Remus. “That does sound
very lovely.”
 
“You do wicked things to me,” Remus accuses, flinging an arm over his flushed
face.
 
“You’re wicked all on your own, babe,” Sirius tells him with a grin. When he
sits up, he leans down and presses a peck to Remus’ lips, his nose colliding
with the arm covering his eyes. When he pulls away, Remus moves the arm to pull
him in once again. Sirius is sure, as he melts down onto the bed, that Remus
can taste his own cum on his tongue. He hooks an arm tight around Remus,
pulling his warm body close and cuddling into it.
 
“Can we nap,” Remus asks, blandly and tiredly, just after they pull away. Their
foreheads rest together, and Sirius can see the exhaustion in his eyes.
 
“Sounds lovely,” he says. “You look tired.”
 
“It’s draining to be put through such ecstasy,” Remus murmurs back, grinning.
 
“Hm, is it?” Sirius asks jokingly, leaning in to kiss Remus’ neck.
 
Remus hooks his fingers under Sirius’ chin to bring him back up to make eye
contact. “Do you want me to--”
 
“No, no,” Sirius says, laughing softly. “Don’t worry about it. It’s nap time.”
 
“Are you sure? I--”
 
“Positive,” Sirius says, resting his head down next to Remus’ to plant a tender
kiss on his cheek. “I’m tired too, honestly. And you look adorable right now. I
just want you in my arms.”
 
Remus blushes softly, and as Sirius makes himself comfortable, he crawls into
Sirius’ warm arms. Sirius pulls the blanket over both of them and nuzzles into
Remus’ cheek. “Thank you,” Remus says.
 
“Do not thank me for sucking your dick,” Sirius jokes, pecking his cheek. “I
know you have a tendency to apologize a lot, but that’s too much, even for
you.”
 
“Not that, but just. Everything. Being here, and just being with you in
general, I mean. It helps more than I can say.” Remus stutters, looking up at
the ceiling to avoid the affection in Sirius’ eyes.
 
“Nothing could make me happier than hearing that,” Sirius murmurs. “And you’re
welcome here whenever you need to be, love.”
 
“Mmh,” Remus murmurs, shifting onto his side. It’s a little awkward for him to
be the little spoon, with the several inches he has on Sirius, but it’s
comfortable nonetheless, with Sirius’ muscled arms gripping his stomach, his
soft lips on Remus’ neck. He falls asleep easily, feeling perfectly at home.
 
                                    ******
 
When Remus wakes up, he’s alone in Sirius’ king sized bed. It’s dark, but
everything smells like breakfast food. He rubs his eyes and stretches, and then
he looks at the clock. It reads 6:19, but he has to think for a minute, unsure
of whether it’s 6 am or 6 pm.
 
He stands up after a moment to go investigate, adjusting his boxers and t-
shirt. After a quick detour at the bathroom, he steps into the kitchen to find
Sirius flipping pancakes and frying bacon.
 
“Hey babe,” Sirius greets as Remus shuffles over and nuzzles the back of his
hair. It smells like Sirius’ fruity shampoo and feels so soft. “Sleep okay?”
 
“Yeah,” he murmurs. “Wish I didn’t wake up alone.”
 
Sirius laughs, and Remus can feel the rumbling through Sirius’ back. “I wanted
to make you breakfast for dinner,” he says. “I was like ten feet away.”
 
“But I wanted cuddles,” he complains. Sirius laughs again, putting his spatula
down and spinning around.
 
“I’m sorry,” he says half-heartedly. He leans in to kiss Remus softly, leaving
him slightly dazed when he pulls away. “I’m almost done, can you get dishes
out?”
 
So Remus sets about setting the table. Sirius’ fridge is surprisingly well-
stocked, he notes, when he gets the butter and orange juice out. He has fresh
fruit and vegetables and yogurt, and all sorts of stuff he wouldn’t expect
someone who claims to never cook to have.
 
“I have to say,” Remus says, coming back over to Sirius once everything’s out
on the table, “I remember you telling me that you don’t like cooking. I wasn’t
expecting this. When I first came to your flat and saw your kitchen, I was
wondering why you had a kitchen so nice when you probably don’t use it.”
 
Sirius laughs. “I’m not really into it, it’s just one of those things that you
do, I guess. Like a thing you learn as part of becoming an adult.”
 
Remus is silent and still then. He knows Sirius didn’t mean it like that, but
sometimes it just occurs to him suddenly, and he sees the stark distinction
made between Sirius and himself like a line drawn in the sand.
 
Sirius turns around with sudden realization, putting his hands on Remus’
shoulders. “Don’t make that face. This is not a commentary on our relationship.
I’m not a different person just because I learned how to cook, okay? And in
temperament and personality, I never feel any difference in our age. That’s
what matters to me. Don’t ever think that if I say something like that, there’s
any kind of undertone because there isn’t; if it sounds like there is, it’s
because I’m too comfortable with you to even notice where the misconception
might be.”
 
“Yeah, I know,” Remus says bashfully. “It’s just a little jarring when you say
something like that. Still a sensitive topic a little bit, you know.”
 
“I know,” Sirius says. “But I wouldn’t say something like that. I don’t feel
that way. Besides, I only really started buying groceries once you started
coming over,” he says.
 
Remus leans in to dip his head down to rest on Sirius’ shoulder. “It’s not
weird, is it? We’ve been so comfortable, cuddling and getting take out or
cooking and watching movies almost every day, I never really stop and think
about it anymore. You’re just you and I’m just me.”
 
“Not for me, it’s not weird,” Sirius assures him, rubbing a hand comfortingly
over Remus’ back. “What makes you think I’d feel that way?”
 
“Well. I don’t know. Just like. This is stupid, I don’t know how to say it,”
Remus says, smiling bashfully. Sirius can feel the tickle of his lips against
his neck. “Because that was incredible before, like you really know what you’re
doing, and I’ve never done it before.”
 
Sirius laughs suddenly. “Seriously?” He asks teasingly. “What are you trying to
say?” He kisses Remus’ neck and chin softly, rubbing his back soothingly. He
can feel his heartbeat against his own chest. “Sexual experience and maturity
otherwise don’t really have any correlation in my experience. I’ve seen guys
much older than me who were virgins and guys much younger than me with a lot
more experience. That part is more a personal preference kind of thing in my
opinion. It certainly doesn’t bother me, if that’s what you mean. I find it
kind of endearing,” he says honestly.
 
“You better remember you said that when I try later on,” Remus murmurs.
 
“Believe me, I will not be disappointed,” Sirius answers, grinning. “Although I
might eat my pancakes a little faster in anticipation.”
 
Remus laughs. “Then let’s go eat, you dork.”
 
They sit across from each other at the dinner table. Sirius is both gorgeous
and childlike at once, with his flowing hair and sticky fingers. Remus laughs
at him and pushes bits of pancake around on his plate, overwhelmed with how
much he adores the sweet man in front of him with glowing eyes that burn right
through him and his soft, jingling laugh. They talk and joke and laugh over
their pancakes, leaning in subconsciously and looking at each other with wide
eyes.
 
After they’re done, Sirius clears the table and loads the dishes into the
dishwasher while Remus puts the juice and leftovers away. He shoves up next to
Sirius once he’s done, nudging him away from the sink so that he can wash his
hands. “Stickyyy,” he complains.
 
“You’re adorable,” Sirius tells him. He watches with an involuntary smile as
Remus scrubs his hands with a pump of soap. “So fucking adorable.”
 
Remus looks over at the adoration in his eyes and smiles. “You’re pretty
gorgeous yourself, handsome.”
 
Sirius sighs, pulling Remus in with a smile. His wet hands drip on Sirius’
shirt. Sirius kisses his temple and nuzzles into his hair. “I love sleeping
next to you,” he purrs into Remus’ ear, sending chills down his spine. “It
makes my bed feel lonely without you after you go home.”
 
“Mine too,” Remus says quietly. His whole body relaxes against Sirius’ until
Sirius is supporting most of his weight. Remus doesn’t often entirely let his
guard down, not even when he’s sleeping, but now he hooks his fingers into the
band of Sirius’ sweatpants and closes his eyes, forehead leaning against
Sirius’. “Kinda used to that feeling, though.”
 
“Can’t I just steal you?” Sirius jokes. “Have you sleep next to me in bed and
cuddle me on the couch and I’ll make us dinner every night.”
 
“Mmh, that would be nice,” Remus answers, and then it’s quiet too long while
Sirius is lost in thought over the possibility of living with Remus, and his
eyes open and he pulls away just a little bit, no longer leaning on Sirius for
support. “It would be nice, but we’ve been going out for what, like a month and
a half?”
 
“I wasn’t seriously suggesting it,” Sirius reassures him, twining their fingers
together and pulling him back in close. “I mean, I’ve only seen you sleeping
like twice, you could start snoring or something and then I’ll have to kick you
out and where would we be then?” Sirius jokes. Remus smiles a little bit but
still looks off, distracted by something that Sirius can’t reach. “You okay
then?”
 
“Yeah,” he says, looking down at their hands as he plays with Sirius’ fingers.
“Just exhausted. In a larger sense than a nap with you can fix, you know?”
 
“Remus,” Sirius begins, and then shut his mouth again. He’s not sure how to
talk about Remus’ parents still, about anything in Remus’ life that doesn’t
pertain to their own relationship. He’s so jumpy and defensive and independent,
and Sirius wants to help, not upset him. “I know that we’re not at the point
where either of us are even close to thinking about living together yet. I know
that’s a long, long way off. I normally wouldn’t even be ready to ask someone
to sleep over after only a few weeks. But I care about you, even in a platonic
sense, more than just someone I’ve just started dating, you know? And if it
ever gets to the point where you need to not be at home for a night, a few
days, a week, whatever it is, and you can’t figure out where to go, I want to
be an option, okay? Not just because I’m pitying you, but because I care about
you and I wouldn’t ever want you to feel like you have nowhere to go. I’m here
as a close friend, not just a boyfriend. If that ever has to come first then it
should. I want you to be able to trust me like that and trust that, I don’t
know. That I’m sincere in my intentions. Okay?”
 
“I know you are,” Remus says, resting his head against the side of Sirius’ to
hide his face. “I don’t— We can talk about this for a bit, okay? I don’t really
have any good relatives around. My mum’s family all lives in Scotland and my
dad’s side of the family is pretty much full of people even crazier than him,
so that’s like. Never really been an option. And I’ve never had a lot of close
friends and never any that’ve stuck around long enough to be in a go-and-stay-
with-them-for-an-indeterminate-amount-of-time kind of position. So you probably
would be the first person I turned to, and it probably would make me
uncomfortable, not because I don’t trust you, but because I don’t like having
to rely on people like that. I grew up having to manage with everything on my
own and it’s not easy to change that. It’s hard for me to express it, but I’m
really glad I have you and I’m so thankful that you feel that way.”
 
Sirius winds his arms more tightly around Remus, pulling him into a comforting
embrace and nuzzling into whatever part of Remus he can reach.
 
Remus allows himself to melt into the hug, consumed by Sirius: Sirius’ fingers
on his back, warm through his t-shirt, Sirius’ breath, hot and mapley sweet,
Sirius’ hair, silky and dark and smelling deeply of expensive men’s shampoo,
and Sirius’ arms tight around him, gripping him like he might slip away if he’s
not held close enough. It’s all comforting, it’s all familiar, it all makes
Remus’ stomach light and his eyelids heavy.
 
Sirius kisses Remus’ cheek near his ear, soft and lingering. “I gotta take you
home soon, I think.”
 
“S’okay,” Remus says. “Last time you dropped me off my mum complained about how
one of our neighbors must’ve bought a motorcycle and how they’re so loud and
awful and etcetera and so I think maybe I should walk so she doesn’t start
correlating it with me coming home,” Remus says.
 
“Okay,” Sirius agrees, kissing Remus’ cheek again and then pulling away to kiss
him gently on the lips. “Should probably get dressed, then, huh?”
 
“Yeah,” Remus says, and then, “One more minute,” before he leans up to kiss
Sirius. His fingers slip up from Sirius’ back to the roots of his hair, buried
deep within his silky locks. There are so many things he finds unbelievably
attractive about Sirius that he hadn’t known he was even into before he met
Sirius. Remus loves pretty much everything about the way Sirius looks: his
long, soft, natural black hair, the thin swipe of eyeliner surrounding his eyes
that Remus suspects he wouldn’t leave the house without, his leather jacket,
his Doc Martens, his torn jeans. Remus loves the way he dresses and the way he
looks and even more so the way he wears sweatpants around his flat with his
hair up in a bun, sometimes, and the comfort between them even after the few
weeks they’ve been together. He sighs when they pull apart, watching the joy
dance in Sirius’ big blue-gray eyes.
 
“What’s up with you?” Sirius asks, grinning with slight amusement. “I’ll see
you tomorrow even, probably.”
 
“I dunno,” Remus says shyly, “I’m just feeling weird tonight. Probably all that
emotional talk,” he adds, “I really should go, though.”
 
They pull apart without any great haste and make their way into the bedroom.
Sirius sits on the edge of the bed and watches with concern as Remus gets
dressed once again, focusing hard on his hands as he zips his pants up and then
sits next to Sirius to put his shoes on.
 
“I’m really, honestly fine,” Remus says. “Please stop looking at me like that.”
 
“Sorry,” Sirius says. “I’m such a dad, aren’t I? It’s because of Harry,” he
jokes.
 
“Should I start calling you Daddy, then?” Remus jokes, standing.
 
“You better fucking not,” Sirius answers, grinning. “I’m tired, though, I think
I’m gonna hop in the shower and then go to bed. Text me when you get home,
please?” He asks, tilting his head for confirmation.
 
“‘Course,” Remus says, leaning down to kiss him one last time. “See you
tomorrow,” he adds, and then turns to leave.
 
“See you!” He calls back. He listens to Remus putting his coat on and then
hears the door open and shut again, and his whole body hums with happiness as
he gathers clothes for his shower.
Chapter End Notes
     I bet you're all surprised to see this, an update in a mere FIVE DAYS
     rather than two years
     I had a rough day so I figured it'd be nice to post this a bit early
     and maybe hear some nice things about it. Or some bad things. I
     prefer honesty I suppose
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The next week, Lily calls him early in the morning to remind him to come by and
help her set up the nursery. The baby’s due so soon, in just under two months,
and her stomach is bursting. Sirius can’t imagine walking around like that; he
can hardly move after a big meal, but she does it, waddling around preparing
Harry’s lunch for school while Sirius makes sure he gets his breakfast.
 
“How much longer?” Harry asks impatiently, and Sirius laughs, ruffling his
hair. Harry pushes his oatmeal around with his spoon in frustration.
 
“She looks like she’s about to pop it out any second,” Sirius jokes, and
Harry’s eyes dart up in surprise.
 
“Sirius,” Lily scolds. “About two months, honey. I know it’s hard to wait, but
just a month after Christmas.”
 
“That’s so far away,” Harry groans. At the same time, Sirius finds himself
thinking,  that’s far too soon.
 
“Well, it is what it is,” Lily replies, and Sirius can see the annoyance on her
face as she turns away. He can totally understand her temper; Harry may be
mature, but he’s still a kid and definitely insensitive at times, and Lily has
a literal human inside of her, putting her in a lot of pain.
 
“Okay, kid,” Sirius says, beginning to put the juice and milk away. “Time to
leave, soon, I think,”
 
“Okay,” Harry replies, eyeing his mother’s back. “Are you taking me to school?”
 
“Yeah,” Sirius says. “Don’t think your mom could fit behind the wheel of a car
right now,” he jokes. “That kid’s gonna come out bigger than you.”
 
Harry laughs and Sirius grins as he takes his bowl and scoops the uneaten
contents into the trash. “Babies are tiny,” he says, getting out of his seat.
He walks into the other room to begin putting his shoes on.
 
“So are you, kid,” Sirius replies, bagging up his lunch. He takes Harry’s
sandwich from Lily’s hands and she gives him a quick but awkward hug.
 
“Thank you,” she says. “I love him but sometimes I just wanna wring his little
neck.”
 
“Good thing you can hardly move, then,” he jokes, kissing the top of her head.
“I’ll be back in ten minutes and then we can get started upstairs, yeah?”
 
“Okay,” she answers, pulling away and beginning to clean up the counter. “Keys
are on the hook by the door. Please be careful.”
 
“Punks are never careful,” he answers, scooping a juicebox out of the fridge.
“See you in a few.”
 
She shakes her head at him as he slips through the doorway, where he finds
Harry leaning by the door impatiently. “I’m gonna be late,” he says.
 
“What’s with you today?” Sirius asks, handing him his lunch box. “Do you have
all your homework?” he double checks, opening the door and holding it for
Harry.
 
“Yes,” he says curtly, walking ahead down the stoop. Sirius rolls his eyes; the
preteen sass is coming in early.
 
Once in the car, Sirius puts the key in the ignition but pauses a minute before
starting the engine. He looks over at Harry, moping and looking out the window.
 
“What’s going on?” he asks softly, turning to give him his full attention.
 
“I’m gonna be late,” he repeats, fidgeting nervously.
 
“Don’t worry about that,” Sirius says. “There are worse things. Tell me what’s
wrong.”
 
“I feel like mum’s always angry at me,” Harry says, looking up at Sirius now.
His big green eyes are full of compassion despite his sullen attitude. “And
dad’s always worried about mum since she’s pregnant. I don’t want her to be mad
at me if there’s something to worry about.”
 
“Oh, Harry,” Sirius says. “There’s nothing to worry about. Your dad’s just
nervous because adults like to worry, but your mum’s fine. She’s not angry at
you, it’s just hard being pregnant so she’s a bit impatient. She’s in a lot of
pain and she’s very stressed out, and it’s taking a toll on her, but it’s not
your fault, okay? Just try to be understanding. I know it’s hard for all of
us.”
 
“Okay,” Harry says. “Is it gonna go back to normal once the baby’s here?”
 
“Well,” Sirius answers, laughing as he turns to start the engine. “That’s
another story. Babies are needy little buggers. We’ll cross that bridge when we
get to it, I think. How about school now, though?”
 
“Fine,” Harry says, resigned, and looks out the window as Sirius drives.
 
                                    ******
 
He and Lily spend the afternoon building furniture for the baby’s room. Sirius
is, between him and James, the handy one, so it’s his job to assemble the crib
and the changing table, and Lily sits in the rocking chair by the window to
keep him company while he works. She’s been making things for the baby, hats
and booties and blankets, which Sirius thinks are all to compensate for the
lack of prenatal preparation she put in for Harry. They order in for lunch
around noon, eating in the messy living room while watching whatever’s on
daytime television, and get back upstairs to continue working when they’re
done.
 
By around two, Sirius is almost wrapping things up. The crib is completely
assembled, and he’s just working on finishing the drawers for the changing
table when there’s a knock on the door downstairs.
 
“It’s open,” he calls, and then the door creaks open. “We’re up here,” he
shouts over the sound of his hammering.
 
He hears very familiar footsteps bounding up the stairs, and can’t help but
smile and put the hammer down, standing and brushing particle board off of his
hands.
 
“Hey,” he hears softly from the doorway as he stands.
 
“How are you, dear?” Lily asks, shifting in her seat.
 
“I’m good,” he answers. Sirius turns and watches Remus’ face as he talks, his
heart swelling at the sight of Remus’ messy hair. “How are you feeling?
Everything okay with the baby?”
 
“Yeah,” she says. “Everything’s okay, it’s just. Painful to be pregnant,” she
says, laughing. “Hard to be grateful for the miracle of life and all when
everything hurts.”
 
“I’m sure,” Remus says, looking sympathetic. “Not so much longer to go, right?”
 
“Doesn’t feel like it,” Lily says. “This is the last kid I’m ever having. I
can’t do this again.”
 
Sirius laughs, and Remus then seems to realize he’s there and turns to him with
sudden excitement on his face.
 
“Hey, babe,” he says, turning to envelope Sirius in a hug. “How’s it going?”
 
“Fine,” Sirius answers. His cheeks glow red at the pet name; even if it’s just
in front of Lily, being publicly affectionate is new to them, and it’s still
enough of a novelty to make Sirius’ heart nearly burst. “I built a ton of
furniture today. I’m like a sexy handyman,” he jokes, playing off his racing
heart rate.
 
Remus laughs into the side of Sirius’ head. “Of course you are, love. Are you
gonna model your new persona for me later?”
 
Sirius pulls away to give Remus a confused look, and he examines his pale brown
eyes and the way they sparkle with mirth.
 
“A tool belt and nothing else?” Remus prods, grinning.
 
“Ridiculous,” Sirius says, laughing as he steps away to admire his work. “Don’t
tempt me, I’m probably willing to take this further than you.”
 
“You built some Ikea furniture,” Lily says with a smile. “You’re not a
construction worker.”
 
“But I did a damn good job,” Sirius says, sliding the changing table drawer
perfectly into place. “Look at that craftsmanship.”
 
“I’m so proud,” Remus teases. “You should start renting out your services.”
 
“Well, yeah, I guess if you’re not going to appreciate them. I’m sure there’s
someone out there who’d love to see me in a tool belt,” Sirius jokes, pushing
the changing table back against the wall.
 
“No one would,” Lily replies, packing her crocheting things away. “Absolutely
no one. You’re lucky Remus is still willing to look at your old ass.”
 
“Awful,” Sirius says, “I’m in my prime. Remus loves my ass.”
 
Remus shakes his head, laughing softly. “It’s an okay ass.”
 
Their banter continues through the afternoon, carrying them downstairs to the
living room. They talk about how Remus is doing in school and about the baby
and Harry and all other aspects of everyday life. Lily sits in the arm chair
and relaxes, and Remus and Sirius share the sofa, cuddling into one another.
Sirius feels himself drifting off as time passes, fading in and out of the
conversation as Remus connects with Lily in a way that Sirius finds himself
invading. Eventually he passes out against Remus’ shoulder, wrapped in warm,
comforting arms.
 
When he wakes up hours later, he finds himself wrapped in one of Lily and
James’ extra blankets, using Remus as a pillow. Remus is watching TV, arm
around Sirius, his hand absently stroking Sirius’ shoulder.
 
“Hey,” he purrs, alerting Remus to the fact that he’s finally stirred.
 
“Hey,” Remus answers, leaning in to nuzzle his cheek. “Good nap?”
 
“Very,” he says. “You’re the best pillow.”
 
“Glad to be useful for something, I suppose,” he jokes, pecking Sirius on the
cheek. “James came home. He’s helping Lily make dinner.”
 
“Hmm?” Sirius asks sleepily, glancing at the clock. “Where’s Harry?”
 
“Went up to his room to do homework before dinner,” Remus says. “I’ve been
given strict orders to keep you out of the kitchen, too.”
 
“I suppose I’m meant to entertain the guest,” Sirius says, burrowing back into
Remus’ shoulder.
 
“God, are you gonna drink and then coerce me onto that death machine with you?”
Remus asks, rubbing circles on Sirius’ bicep with his thumb.
 
“If you wanna see me in the tool belt,” he mumbles in reply.
 
“Maybe not,” Remus answers quietly, subtly inching closer. “But I did have
other plans tonight.”
 
“Hmm?” Sirius asks, perking up. “What kind of plans?”
 
“We’ll see,” Remus answers. “Maybe let’s try and make it through dinner first.
Now shh, I’m trying to watch this.”
 
“You’re evil,” Sirius groans. “I don’t know if I can make it through the next
few hours.”
 
A few moments later, a commercial comes on and Remus glances over at him with a
sly smile. “Would you rather I tell you?” he asks, and Sirius shivers.
 
“Are you willing to let me pull you into Lily and James’ bedroom for a bit?”
 
Remus laughs softly. “I don’t think you want me to take your cock down my
throat for the first time in Lily and James’ room,” he breathes into Sirius’
ear. His hand slips down from Sirius’ shoulder to grab his bulge through his
jeans. “Although I am dying to taste your skin, to feel my lips tight around
your shaft, to have the tip of your cock brush the back of my throat…” he
purrs.
 
Sirius turns to bury his face into the side of Remus’ cheek, breathing heavily.
“You’re awful,” he moans. “I’d be willing to let you fuck me right here on the
couch if you wanted.”
 
“We need to stop,” Remus says, sounding pained, and Sirius laughs as he takes a
deep breath.
 
“Sorry,” Sirius says, kissing his neck unapologetically. “Didn’t mean to get
you so worked up.”
 
“You’re an awful liar,” Remus tells him, “I just don’t think your friends’
living room while everyone is home is a good place for our first time. And I
was seriously considering it; I don’t need Harry to come down and find me all
over his godfather.” he jokes.
 
“I was half willing too,” Sirius says, kissing the side of Remus’ neck lazily.
“The things you do to me.”
 
Remus turns to press a kiss to the top of Sirius’ head. There’s a lull in their
conversation. It’s soft and comfortable, and Remus pulls the blanket back over
himself as well to snuggle closer. “You make these sweet little noises in your
sleep, it was adorable,” he says.
 
“Shut up,” Sirius whines, grinning against Remus’ skin. “You snore a little
sometimes too.”
 
“It wasn’t really snoring, more like just these cute little breathing sounds,”
Remus tells him, nuzzling into his hair. The TV is all but forgotten. “And I’m
not teasing you, it really was cute. I think I was just sitting here grinning
like an idiot the whole time you slept.”
 
Sirius smiles and places another kiss to Remus’ collarbone. “You’re turning
into such a sap,” he jokes with no malice in his voice. “What time do you have
to be home tonight do you think? Do I actually have time to drag you back to my
flat later?”
 
“I don’t think anything will be able to keep me out of your bed tonight,” he
says, reaching his free hand to take one of Sirius’.
 
“Mmh, thank god,” Sirius responds, and then runs his tongue along a vein in
Remus’ neck, causing Remus to shiver. “Do you mind leaving soon after dinner?”
 
“I don’t want to be rude,” Remus says, craning his neck to give Sirius more
access. “We’re their guests.”
 
Sirius laughs softly, warm breath raising goosebumps on Remus’ skin. “I’m not a
guest. I practically live here. You’re my guest,” he says.
 
“I want to get to know James,” he protests. “I know that’s important to you.”
 
“It is,” Sirius admits. “But we can’t stay too late either way. James and Lily
are boring responsible parents, they go to bed early.”
 
“Mmh, okay,” Remus says. “I talked to him a little bit when he came home. He
was sitting out here for a bit before Lily pulled him into the kitchen to help
with dinner. He was telling me about how close you two were in school and about
what a little ass you used to be,” he jokes, running his thumb over the back of
Sirius’ hand.
 
“I mean, I was,” Sirius answers with a smile. “But that’s great. I think he
really likes you. I’m so happy about that,” he adds, lifting his head to look
into Remus’ eyes. “I know that it like. Well, hasn’t been that long, but I
wouldn’t have introduced you into Harry’s life if I didn’t think you were
really important and neither would James.”
 
Remus closes his eyes and leans his head back against the couch, exposing the
long column of his neck. His adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “I want to get
to know everyone important to you,” is all he can say, and he doesn’t need to
open his eyes to know Sirius is grinning.
 
“Sirius!” James’ voice calls from the kitchen, “Can you come set the table?”
 
They go into the kitchen together, and Remus watches, leaning against the
counter, as Sirius moves around the kitchen with ease, obviously intimately
familiar with where the Potters keep everything. He sets out plates and napkins
and silverware, casually asking Lily which wine he should open from the rack
under the window.
 
“Can you grab four wine glasses, babe?” Sirius asks, grabbing a corkscrew off
of the window sill to open the wine. “They’re in the cabinet behind you.”
 
Remus turns to open the cabinet and sees shelves with all different kinds of
fancy glasses. “Uh… which ones?” he says with a nervous laugh. There are so
many different kinds; he knows the champagne flute and the martini glass, but
his knowledge ends about there. Sirius comes up behind him and presses his
torso to Remus’ back, warmth flowing between their shirts.
 
“This is a red wine glass,” Sirius says, reaching for the largest cup Remus can
see. “It’s all fat at the bottom and pretty big. The other one there is a white
wine glass, which is just a bit thinner. James and Lily have both kinds because
they’re at frightening levels of adulthood.”
 
James snorts as he tosses salad ingredients together. “You’re ridiculous,” he
tells Sirius without looking up.
 
Sirius just grins as he grabs two white wine glasses and heads back to the
table. Remus grabs two more matching ones and follows Sirius, placing them at
two of the three plates left with no cup. Sirius puts a plain glass at Harry’s
seat, and then looks up at Remus suddenly. “Do you want wine?” he asks. “You
don’t have to if you don’t want. There’s soda and iced tea and--”
 
“It’s fine,” Remus tells him with a smile. “Maybe I’d prefer you had soda,
though.”
 
Sirius laughs, leaning in to kiss Remus’ jaw messily and quickly. “I’ll be
fine, don’t worry.”
 
“Yeah, Sirius has a lot of practice driving drunk,” Lily says, shooting Sirius
a disapproving look from her spot at the counter, slicing the roast she made.
 
Remus looks pointedly at Sirius. “You’re not doing that ever if I’m around to
help it.”
 
Sirius sighs with mock annoyance. “I haven’t done that in years, she’s just
trying to make me look bad. It’s exhausting having so many people interested in
your well being all the time,” he jokes. Remus shakes his head with a smile, as
if he’s not sure, and Sirius pecks him softly and reassuringly on the lips.
 
“Can you get Harry, Sirius?” Lily asks without looking up. She’s helping James
mash potatoes, pointing out the correct consistency and what to do next. Sirius
smiles at the sight; they’ve had so many years of domestic bliss and yet James
is still learning the simplest things about how to cook. Any discomfort about
giving Remus a mini wine glass lesson has vanished, and he pulls Remus in for a
small embrace just because he can.
 
“Hey soppy, you’re being spoken to,” Remus jokes, hugging him back lightly.
 
“Yeah,” Sirius says leisurely, pulling away without any haste, glancing back
over at Lily. “I’ll go get him.”
 
Within 15 minutes they’re sitting down to eat. Sirius has hauled Harry away
from his computer and settled him down at the dinner table. Even at James and
Lily’s own house, Sirius serves Harry his dinner, asking him questions about
his school day as they go. Remus can see how good he is with Harry, how much he
must want his own child. He watches with interest and affection as Sirius cuts
Harry’s piece of roast and then realizes that James is looking on with a grin
at Harry’s pleased expression as well, and it occurs to him that no one does
this for Harry when Sirius is not here; his boyfriend just likes to baby the
child. He places his hand on Sirius’ thigh under the table, smiling when
Sirius’ cheeks blush, barely noticeable, in response. Harry is rambling on
about a project he’s going to do in class tomorrow and thankfully does not
notice.
 
“So how’s school going for you?” James asks him, snapping him out of his
intense focus on Sirius.
 
“It’s okay,” he says, looking from Sirius’ glowing face to James’ eyes. “I’m
looking at unis and filling out applications right now. Trying to find
somewhere that’s a good school but not too far.”
 
“Not too far?” James asks with a knowing grin, and Remus rolls his eyes.
 
“Well, I don’t know. I don’t wanna go to Scotland or anything,” he jokes, but
James just continues grinning. “What?”
 
“You don’t want to be too far away from here,” he says, nodding his head
towards Sirius, a grin still stretched across his face.
 
“Well, no,” he admits, blushing deeply. It’s the only reason, really, because
he has nothing else keeping him home, certainly not his parents. Right now, the
man sitting next to him making sweet chit chat with a child is the only thing
he has that he’d like to hold on to.
 
“James, leave him alone,” Lily chastises. “You and Sirius went to the same
school so you didn’t have to be apart.”
 
James grins sheepishly, turning back to his plate. “Lots of good schools nearby
though,” he concludes, and Remus laughs softly.
 
“Mom?” Harry asks during a moment of silence around the whole table.
 
“What’s up?” she asks, looking over at her son. Remus takes the moment of
distraction to run his hand up and down Sirius’ thigh under the table, causing
him to noticeably shiver.
 
“How much longer til the baby?” he asks. “I saw the new furniture in the
nursery.”
 
Lily looks exasperated, but not unhappy. “The baby’s due end of January, dear.
Same as this morning. About another two months.”
 
Harry sighs, pushing his peas around. “Still so long away.”
 
“It’ll be Christmas before you know it, baby, then just one more month,” she
tells him sweetly. Remus’ pinky brushes Sirius’ cock through his jeans and he
jerks in his seat. Remus has no reaction, so Sirius receives nothing more than
an odd look from James and Lily.
 
“I guess,” Harry agrees. “When are we putting the tree up?”
 
“Maybe this weekend,” Lily answers. “Sirius, do you wanna help with the tree or
should I get James to do that one?”
 
“I have my own tree to put up,” Sirius replies with a smile. “Just because I
spend all of my time here doesn’t mean I don’t have to make my flat festive
too.” He glances over at Remus, who has by now retracted his hand and is once
again just tenderly rubbing his thigh. “Do you wanna help me with the tree this
weekend maybe? We can make Christmas cookies,” he asks, smiling hopefully.
 
Remus isn’t sure if he’s kidding or not, but he wants to say yes so badly. He’s
never made Christmas cookies or decorated a Christmas tree. He’s always watched
Christmas specials featuring sweaters and hot cocoa alone in his room, but he’s
never experienced a warm, happy Christmas. Up until he was 12, he got a few
presents, usually unwrapped and presented to him wordlessly still in the store
bags at around noon by his hungover father, and then Christmas became a day
like any other. He’s always wanted to feel loved around Christmas time.
 
“I mean I can do it alone if you don’t want to,” Sirius teases, raising an
eyebrow at his silence.
 
“No,” Remus says too quickly. “I’d love to. When?”
 
Sirius’ eyebrows quirk and he looks questioningly at him, but he must be able
to read in Remus’ eyes that it’s something for later, for when they’re alone,
so he just smiles and says, “Whenever you want, love,” and then turns back to
face the table. James and Lily are talking quietly about some small detail of
the incredibly complicated process of having a baby, and Harry is looking at
his iPhone as he forks mashed potatoes into his mouth. Sirius’ hand finds
Remus’ under the table and grips it tight and suddenly, he feels like
everything is right and he’s found his spot in the world. Remus gives Sirius’
hand a tight squeeze back and takes a long sip of wine.
 
                                    ******
 
“Thank you, Lily,” Remus says with a wide smile as Lily pulls him in for a
goodbye hug around her huge belly. “Dinner was delicious, too.”
 
“You’re welcome,” she says, “For the dinner, but also here, any time you’d
like.”
 
Remus has to close his eyes and hug her a bit tighter at that. He’s not used to
hearing those words; his whole life, he’s been constantly unwelcome, and being
wanted and loved and cared about is such a new and fragile feeling to him.
“Thank you,” he repeats as they pull away.
 
James is standing next to Lily smiling just a little bit. He pulls Remus in for
a hug as well in a sudden and unexpected motion. “That’s not just coming from
Lily,” he says, and then releases Remus.
 
“Come on, love,” Sirius says, grinning as he stands from his perch against the
arm of the couch. “We should get going.”
 
“Thanks again,” Remus says, looking at both James and Lily as Sirius opens the
front door. “Have a good night.”
 
“You too,” Lily says with a smile as James turns and heads for the kitchen.
“Get home safe.”
 
“‘Course,” Sirius says, holding the door for Remus. “Tell Harry I said good
night too.”
 
She nods as he and Remus head down the front steps and then the front door is
shut behind them.
 
“That went well,” Sirius says pleasantly.
 
“I didn’t think they were going to accept me that much,” Remus says. “You know
what I mean? Like I didn’t think they would…” he says, and trails off, looking
lost as he gazes into Sirius’ eyes.
 
“I know,” he says warmly. “They’re very sweet people and they can see that you
deserve it and that you’re worth it.”
 
Remus steps closer until his chest is pressed against Sirius’, and then Sirius’
arms fall around him and they’re embracing tightly.
 
“You’re a special person, Remus,” he breathes into his ear. “You don’t deserve
what you’ve been through but I want to give you what you do.”
 
“I’m just so glad you pushed to get me to talk to you,” Remus says, stepping
away. “I would’ve come into that coffee shop every day for years lusting over
you.”
 
Sirius grins and hands him his helmet off of the bike. “I wouldn’t have let
you.”
 
Remus leans in and gives him a soft kiss before he climbs on, and then Remus
settles on behind him, pressing his half hard cock against Sirius’ ass as he
winds his arms around his torso. They both shiver a little bit, but Sirius
doesn’t stop to comment on it before starting the engine.
 
The ride back to his flat is smooth but chilly. It’s the beginning of December
and it’s freezing out, especially with the wind whipping by them as Sirius
races through the London streets. Sirius’ back is warm against his chest,
though, and he kisses Sirius’ neck until the link between his lips and Sirius’
skin becomes warm again. At a red light not far from Sirius’ flat, Sirius
squirms backwards, wiggling against Remus’ cock until he’s more than just half
hard. Remus just has time to whimper into Sirius’ ear before the light changes
and they’re off again.
 
When they arrive in front of Sirius’ flat, they both scramble off the bike
rather quickly, both in a rush to get behind closed doors. Sirius barely takes
the time to grab Remus’ hand before they’re stepping into the elevator
together.
 
“I want you,” Remus breathes out in the silent elevator air, stepping close
enough that he can feel that Sirius is just as hard as he is through their
jeans. “I want your cock in my mouth. I want you to fuck my throat.”
 
Sirius closes his eyes and lets on a long, strained breath just as the elevator
slows to a stop. “You’re going to be the death of me,” he tells Remus as they
both step off, and his key is in the door in just a few short seconds.
 
Once they’re inside and the light is on with the door shut, Remus turns to
Sirius with dark eyes. “Bedroom,” he says with a tone of authority that sends a
chill down Sirius’ spine.
 
“Yes sir,” he says, following Remus in hot pursuit to his bedroom. Inside,
Remus immediately reaches for Sirius’ belt and begins undoing the buckle.
 
“Want to see you,” he breathes, unbuttoning and unzipping Sirius’ jeans. “I’ve
been waiting all night.” He pulls Sirius’ jeans down and pushes him back
against the door as he pulls his boxers down and drops to his knees, watching
up close as Sirius’ cock springs free. “Fuck, you’re so gorgeous,” he says
quietly, wrapping a hand around his cock and watching as Sirius’ hips buck in
response. “I’ve been wanting to do this all night, do you know that?” he asks.
“To get down on my knees in front of you.”
 
Sirius’ breaths are coming short and fast, and Remus can see the layers and
layers of lust in his eyes. “Me too,” he says, reaching to run his fingers
through Remus’ hair. “Fuck, me too.”
 
Remus smiles up at him in a terribly mischievous way before leaning in and
running just the tip of his pink tongue along Sirius’ cock. Sirius moans,
tightening his fingers against Remus’ scalp.
 
“Such a fucking tease,” he complains, thrusting his hips forward.
 
Remus laughs, dipping down to kiss his sack softly. “Tell me what you want,” he
says gently.
 
“I want you to suck my cock,” he says, leaning his head back against the door.
“Please, babe.”
 
Remus gives in then, leaning in and wrapping his lips around the head of
Sirius’ cock, dipping his tongue in the precum resting at the tip. Sirius moans
again, pulling on Remus’ head, begging for more. Remus takes in more and more,
a bit at a time, until the head of Sirius’ cock is brushing the back of his
tongue, and then he sucks hard, bobbing his head back and forth.
 
“Oh fuck,” Sirius moans, fingers constantly pulling Remus’ hair and then urging
him closer. “God, Remus, so fucking good… I’m not going to last very long…”
 
So Remus slows down, taking his time with Sirius’ cock. He lets it slip out of
his mouth with a soft  pop , and then plants open mouthed wet kisses down its
length, running his tongue over the mushroomed head before sucking the entire
thing back into his mouth. Sirius’ labored breathing is driving him insane, and
his cock throbs painfully against the zipper of his jeans. He reaches down to
unbutton and unzip them, pulling his cock out and tugging it in time with his
lips on Sirius’ cock.
 
“You look so fucking gorgeous like that,” Sirius gasps, thrusting shallowly
into his mouth. “Cheeks all flushed, touching yourself… fuck, I’m so close.”
Remus looks up at him and his eyes lock with Sirius’, and he might as well have
spoken out loud:  come for me.  Sirius moans and Remus feels his balls tighten
against his chin just before his cum fills his mouth, warm and tangy and
bitter. He swallows hard once he’s pulled away, resting his forehead on Sirius’
hip to catch his breath.
 
“Holy shit,” Sirius gasps. “Remus. What the fuck?”
 
Remus chuckles, his hand still absently stroking his own cock. “You got me all
worked up,” he says by way of explanation.
 
“I can see that,” Sirius says, and Remus can hear the grin in his voice. “Get
back up here.”
 
He stands, and Sirius pulls him in to kiss him deeply, reaching down to shove
Remus’ hand out of the way to replace it with his own. Remus moans into his
mouth, and it’s only a minute of rough kissing and sharp tugs on his cock later
that he’s coming into Sirius hand, moaning desperately into his mouth. Sirius
pulls away grinning.
 
“You’re incredible,” Sirius tells him, dipping in to kiss him sweet and
lovingly now.
 
Remus breathes deeply and heavily, attempting to slow his heart rate back down
to a reasonable pace. “You,” he replies lamely, resting his head on Sirius’
shoulder. Sirius laughs and nudges him away.
 
Remus steps back, carefully doing his pants back up as Sirius grabs a tissue
from the box on his nightstand to clean his hand. “I could pin you down on that
bed and keep you here forever,” Sirius says with a smile, wiping Remus’ cum
from between his fingers. Remus’ eyes are transfixed on his movements. When he
finishes, he discards the tissue in the garbage and moves to pull his own pants
back up, and then cocks his head at Remus. “Do you want a ride home?” he asks
softly. “Only I know usually when I offer you turn me down.”
 
“No, that’s fine,” Remus answers gently, and so Sirius opts to push his pants
off the rest of the way, stepping out of his shoes and socks, leaving him in
only his boxers and a t-shirt. He steps closer to Remus, pulling him in for a
hug once more.
 
“You mean so much to me, you know that?”
 
“I do,” he answers. “I feel it too,” he adds, nuzzling into the top of Sirius’
head. “And I really do want to make Christmas cookies with you and help put up
the tree.”
 
Sirius grins widely. “Do you wanna come by Saturday then? We can have hot
chocolate and listen to Christmas music and maybe we’ll do this again under the
tree, it’ll be lovely,” Sirius half jokes, nuzzling Remus’ cheek.
 
“Sounds it,” Remus agrees with not a hint of sarcasm, squeezing his arms tight
around Sirius. “I can’t wait.”
 
“Mmh,” Sirius agrees, equally reluctant to let go. “Will you come by tomorrow,
too?” he asks.
 
“Of course,” he replies. “I should really get going though.”
 
“Okay,” Sirius says, pulling away just enough to kiss him tenderly. “Be
careful. Text me when you get home.”
 
“Of course, babe,” Remus says, nuzzling his nose against Sirius’ before
stepping away. “Goodnight.”
 
“Night, love,” Sirius says, and then Remus turns and opens his bedroom door and
slips through.
 
Despite his blindingly good orgasm just a few moments earlier, Sirius has to
take a long, cold shower before bed.
Chapter End Notes
     Another update! I have just over two chapters left to write for the
     whole story so I'm fairly confident I'll actually finish it before I
     have a chance to give up again.
     Also, I'd just like to mention because I was moderately revolted by
     this, my boyfriend has read this and said that Lily and Sirius have
     better chemistry than Remus and Sirius??? Have I done something wrong
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Remus comes over early Saturday morning. The door is unlocked when he tries the
handle, and when he steps into Sirius’ flat, he hears loud Christmas music
coming from the kitchen. After hanging up his coat and slipping off his shoes,
he heads towards the source of the noise.
 
Sirius is standing at the counter, stirring something in a pot. “Hey,” he says,
knocking on the doorway to alert Sirius to his presence.
 
Sirius looks over his shoulder in surprise, grinning wildly at the sight of
Remus standing in the doorway, still with sleep-mussed hair, wearing a red
sweater and pajama pants with Christmas trees all over them. “Hey, babe,” he
says softly, turning his whole body around and tilting his head invitingly.
 
Remus steps forward quickly, winding his arms around Sirius. “How’s it going?”
he asks, kissing Sirius’ forehead.
 
“Great, now that you’re here,” Sirius teases. “I’m making homemade hot
chocolate,” he says.
 
“Ooh, you know how I feel about chocolate,” Remus says with a grin.
 
“You love it more than anything in the world? You wanna make sweet, sweet love
to a Freddo?” he jokes, dipping in to kiss Remus’ neck.
 
“You’re awful,” he admonishes. “Although, I would love to make sweet, sweet
love to you while you’re covered in chocolate sauce…”
 
“Don’t tempt me,” Sirius says, smiling as he pulls away to turn back to the pot
on the stove. “Can you get two mugs out?”
 
Remus turns to Sirius’ cabinets; he’s starting to learn where everything in the
kitchen is. Sirius’ flat is home to him much more than his own house has ever
been. He gets them mugs and Sirius pours the cocoa evenly between the two,
dipping in to kiss Remus once he sets the pot back down.
 
“Couldn’t resist any longer,” he says by way of explanation.
 
“And I just get that one?” Remus asks, gazing at Sirius’ pink lips.
 
“I guess you could have another,” he purrs, pulling Remus in with a hand on the
small of his back. Their lips connect sweetly, Remus’ hand coming up to rest on
the back of Sirius’ neck. Remus leans most of his weight against him, feeling
completely consumed by everything Sirius; his presence is constant comfort.
Sirius is much too small to support all of Remus’ weight, so he braces the pair
of them with two palms locked firmly on the countertop. Eventually, Remus’ soft
grasps at Sirius’ hair turn into gentle moans, and Sirius pulls away, grinning.
“I already mixed up cookie mixes, don’t make me drag you into the bedroom,
we’ll end up staying in there all day.”
 
Remus sighs, leaning his head on Sirius’ shoulder. “You’re right,” he agrees,
kissing any skin he can reach. “Probably, anyway. What kind of cookies?”
 
Sirius laughs, craning his neck absentmindedly to give Remus more room. “A
couple chocolate ones. I looked up new recipes just for you this year,” he
admits. “I found these ones that are like chocolate shortbread dusted in cocoa
powder, and then there’s double chocolate chunk cookies…”
 
“Ugh,” Remus jokes, stepping away. “This is turning me on more, I think.”
 
“I aim to please,” Sirius teases, stepping closer to Remus once again
instinctively. Remus is grabbing for his hot cocoa, closing his eyes in bliss
as he takes a long sip. He looks so sweet that Sirius’ heart throbs silently in
his chest. “I don’t know if you noticed, by the way, but I went and got a tree
yesterday, so we can decorate that later, too,” he says, hooking a hand around
Remus’ hip. He needs to touch the other man, to feel his skin beneath his own
and the warmth flowing between the two of them. Remus seems to relax at the
contact, and he realizes that he’s not alone in that desire.
 
“I’ve never decorated a tree before,” he says, looking into his cup of cocoa
pensively. “We never put one up.”
 
“We didn’t have one at my house either,” Sirius tells him softly, rubbing
gentle circles on his hip, and suddenly Remus understands why Sirius is making
such a big deal of everything; he knows what it’s like to not know what a happy
Christmas is, and he wants to fix things for Remus in any way he can. “Didn’t
understand why they put up trees at my boarding school in December my first
year,” he adds, laughing. “James had to explain it to me. Made fun of me for
ages.”
 
“It’s not funny, though,” Remus says, looking at Sirius with big, sad eyes. As
much as Sirius doesn’t want him to have to deal with the pain of a broken
family, he doesn’t want Sirius to dredge up those memories and pain again
either. “I’m sorry.”
 
“It’s okay. I’m sorry too, but like. I had a Christmas tree when I was 16 and
moved in with James, and you have one now,” he says, jerking his head towards
the living room. “At some point, it hurts so much less to think about it. I can
look back and find some bits funny, even, like not knowing what a Christmas
tree is,” he jokes.
 
“That’s not mine,” Remus says with a funny smile. “It’s your tree. I’m just
helping decorate.”
 
“Wouldn’t be spending enough time home to even put a tree up if I didn’t have
you around all the time,” Sirius points out, dipping in to press his lips to
Remus’ neck. “So it’s yours, too.”
 
Remus seems content with this answer, for which Sirius is grateful. He doesn’t
want to overwhelm him, but he also wants to be able to indulge him, to give him
the best Christmas possible. “What kind of ornaments do you have?”
 
“I don’t know,” Sirius says thoughtfully. “A lot were housewarming presents
since I moved in around Christmas time. I pulled the bin out of my closet this
morning, but I haven’t opened it. Guess we’ll find out? Cookies first, I
think,” he adds, leaning over to turn the oven on.
 
They spend all morning baking; Remus is sure to get flour handprints on Sirius
whenever he can, and Sirius laughs and pulls him in for a kiss each time. The
sound of various Christmas songs fill their ears and, later in the afternoon, a
bottle of sweet white wine that Sirius breaks out warms their stomachs and
their hearts. Sirius occasionally serenades him, singing along to the radio,
and Remus pretends to make fun of him over it, but secretly swoons with joy
over how much Sirius cares for him. Sun beams in through the kitchen window and
coats the counter tops and the floors and themselves, and everything is
swelling with happiness between them. Within a few hours, every surface in
Sirius’ kitchen is loaded with freshly baked cookies, and the two of them are
exhausted.
 
“They all look so good,” Remus whines, leaning against the counter. “I want to
eat them all.”
 
“You probably could and still stay that skinny,” Sirius says as he leans into
Remus, covered in flour and all, “Totally not fair. Anyway, some of them are
for James, Lily, and Harry. I’m going over for Christmas, and I want to bring
something.”
 
“You are?” Remus asks, his face falling.
 
“Yeah,” Sirius responds, eyebrows pulling together in confusion. He forgets the
music, the smell of chocolate in the air, and the silly aprons they’re both
wearing, and he leans in to take Remus’ hands. “Why? What’s wrong?”
 
“No, nothing’s wrong,” Remus says, looking down at the floor off to their side.
“I’m fine.”
 
“Remus,” he admonishes. “Talk to me.”
 
Remus looks up once again, gazing into Sirius’ solemn but open expression, and
he can’t help it; there’s nothing between him and Sirius anymore, nothing that
could be his and his alone. He can’t hold anything back. “My parents are going
away for Christmas. They figured because I haven’t been home so much I would
have somewhere to go, or they don’t care either way, but. It’s okay. I honestly
would rather be home alone than with them.”
 
“Remus,” Sirius says with a small smile. “Anywhere I’m going, you’re invited.
How many different ways do I have to say that?”
 
“I can’t go to James and Lily’s for Christmas,” he protests. “Christmas is for
family.”
 
“Christmas is for friends when your family is shit,” Sirius amends, dipping in
to kiss Remus softly, just a quick peck on the lips. “Come with me. When do
your parents leave?”
 
“The morning of Christmas eve,” he says. “They’re only leaving for like three
days, to one of my dad’s relatives’. That’s all he has off of work, I think.”
 
“You can sleep over Christmas eve, then,” Sirius says, his eyes sparkling. “We
can watch dumb Christmas movies and cuddle until late at night. What do you
think?”
 
Remus thinks that this may be the exact moment he realizes that Sirius
genuinely wants him around just as much as he wants to be around. He felt sick
with how needy he’d appear and had dreaded bringing it up; he had worried he’d
be guilting Sirius into spending Christmas with him, but Sirius is just as
excited as he is. “That sounds lovely, actually,” he agrees. “Is that the best
time for those under-the-tree blow jobs you were going on about, then?” He
jokes.
 
Sirius laughs, leaning his head on Remus’ shoulder. “Wouldn’t be Christmas
otherwise,” he agrees, nipping Remus’ neck. “Besides, I don’t think I’ll be
able to keep my hands off of you if you’re here all night.”
 
“Quite mutual,” Remus agrees, slipping his hands down to rest on Sirius’ ass.
“I don’t know what to get for the Potters’ though, then,” he adds as an
afterthought.
 
Sirius laughs, quiet and breathy, against Remus’ neck. His hands slip up the
back of Remus’ shirt, just resting gently against his skin. “You don’t have to
get them anything. They’ll be glad just to have you.”
 
“I’ll feel wrong if I don’t. Maybe just something for Harry?” Remus ponders,
trying to stay focused despite the fingers burning against his lower back.
 
“Well, I can’t say no to that. You know how I love to spoil that kid rotten,”
Sirius says, nuzzling Remus’ neck sweetly. He shifts a bit closer; he’s
constantly fidgeting and cuddling against Remus.
 
“You spoil everyone rotten,” Remus purrs, squeezing his ass. Sirius jumps a bit
at that and Remus grins, slow and predatory.
 
“Only my two favorite men,” Sirius says honestly, pecking Remus on the tip of
his nose. Remus’ smile loses its predatory touch at his words; there’s
something shocking to him about hearing that he is as essential to Sirius’ life
as Harry. Sirius seems as if half of his mind is constantly thinking about
Harry, and he wonders if part of Sirius’ mind is always thinking about him as
well. He’s certain that he, himself, is constantly thinking about Sirius. He
turns his head slightly as he gazes into Sirius’ eyes, warm and gray and heavy
with something intangible, and Remus feels his breath catch in his throat.  I
love him , he realizes all at once, and dips in to kiss Sirius to keep him from
seeing it in his eyes.
 
“Mmh,” Sirius hums into the kiss, pulling Remus tight against him. Sirius’
hands slide up his back until they’re clutching his shoulder blades, his shirt
pulled up to his chest, and he positively melts into the embrace, fingers
gripping firmly at Sirius’ ass. His tongue dips into Sirius’ mouth and Sirius
pushes back forcefully, stubbly chin butting against stubbly chin. “You drive
me fucking insane,” Sirius breathes against his cheek, pressing his hips to
Remus’ until each can feel the other’s arousal.
 
“I do try to be seductive,” Remus jokes, closing his eyes as the sweet smell of
Sirius’ hair fills his senses. “Enjoy that dark look you get in your eyes, when
you look like you’re about to bend me over the nearest surface.”
 
“Well, I’d be doing the bending, if I had my way,” Sirius says with a smile.
“Maybe over the counter. Shove all the cookies aside and bend over and beg you
to come fuck me.”
 
“I don’t think I’d be able to resist,” Remus says, his own voice low and hoarse
now. “Though I think I’d rather our first time be in a bed.”
 
Sirius pecks his cheek. “I think I might have one of those,” he jokes. “What a
coincidence, am I right?”
 
Remus ducks his head to rest it against Sirius’, kissing him softly and
quickly. “I think you might,” he agrees. “Don’t know if I’m going to use it for
that today, though.”
 
Sirius sighs dramatically, but the grin never leaves his lips. “It has a few
other uses, though, I’ve heard.”
 
“True,” Remus says with mock curiosity. “Could you tell me more about those? I
might be interested.”
 
“Or I could show you,” Sirius teases, ducking his head to nip at Remus’ jaw.
“Kind of an interactive demonstration.”
 
Remus laughs out loud at that, slipping his fingers into Sirius’ back pockets.
“You’re ridiculous,” he says affectionately. “I believe we had plans to
decorate a tree.”
 
“We do,” Sirius agrees, leaning in to kiss Remus’ neck. “But you’re
distracting.”
 
Remus grins soppily and buries his nose in Sirius’ hair. He takes a deep
breath, all of his senses consumed by Sirius; the smell of his shampoo and his
deodorant, the taste of his lips lingering on Remus’, and the sweet warmth of
Sirius’ body touching his at every possible square inch. It feels new,
exhilarating, and comfortable like an old t-shirt all at once, as if they’ve
known each other for years, yet are still discovering new things about one
another. Every bit of Remus’ life feels uncomfortable and forced, like a puzzle
piece jammed where it doesn’t quite fit, from his parents to school to his own
body, sometimes, but in Sirius’ arms, he feels as if something clicks into
place. He wants every sappy moment Sirius offers, and he wants more than
anything to drink wine and hang christmas lights on Sirius’ tree. “Let’s go,”
he murmurs after several moments of embracing.
 
Sirius is full of childlike joy as they open boxes of decorations. They sit on
the carpet with bottles of cider and dig through old ornaments as their cheeks
grow rosy and warm.
 
“Oh look, this one James’ mum gave to me after I ran away from home,” he says,
handing Remus a porcelain ornament. It’s a frame that reads “Puppy’s First
Christmas 2002” with a dog wearing a santa hat in the corner of the frame. The
photo inside appears to be James and Sirius from years ago, when they were
younger than Remus himself, standing in front of the tree, both mildly annoyed
over posing for a photograph. Remus looks closer, inspecting Sirius’ face; it
looks somehow darker than it does now, despite his features being rounder and
the stubble on his chin nearly nonexistent. He’s wearing a handknit christmas
sweater that Remus can only assume was made for him by Mrs. Potter, and his
eyes are smeared with day old eyeliner. They’re both grinning despite
themselves, leaning into each other instinctually. If Remus didn’t know better,
he’d think there was something a little more than platonic between the two of
them.
 
“We were 15,” Sirius says once he realizes how intently Remus is inspecting the
picture. “We looked like such babies, didn’t we? That was the first Christmas I
spent with the Potters, she thought she was hilarious with that frame,” he says
with a smile. Remus wonders what that’s like, to look back on a happy memory
and not feel sad or regretful, just glad that things happened the way they did.
 
“You do look so young,” Remus says, turning his eyes back to the picture. “You
know what’s funny, I think if I ran into you when you were 17, I wouldn’t have
been as interested,” he says thoughtfully. It isn’t just his physical
attributes. Something about the way Sirius smiles, and the way he stands with
James, tells him they probably dicked around more than Remus would’ve cared to
put up with.
 
“Yeah,” Sirius says with a soft smile. “I get that feeling too. But right now,
you’re everything I want,” he adds, gingerly taking the frame from Remus’ hand
and replacing it with his own. Remus looks up, now, into Sirius’ thick blue
eyes, swirling with so much emotion that Remus cannot tie it down into
individual words and feelings. “I like this,” he says so softly that Remus
almost doesn’t hear him. “Do you know what I mean? I feel like I’ve been
waiting my whole life to feel what I feel right now, sitting here with you,” he
says.
 
Remus blushes, absently running his thumb over Sirius’ hand in his grasp. He
understands that feeling, but not in the way Sirius intends. He hasn’t been
looking for a romance, really, never mind specifics about how he’d like it to
feel. He has, however, wanted this comfort, the feeling of having someone who
is his and wants to be his and makes him feel cared for. He’s wanted it for a
long time. He nods slowly, and dips his head in to kiss Sirius, gently and
lovingly. “You make me feel things that I didn’t even know I wanted to feel,”
he says in response once their lips have parted, and then he pulls away from
Sirius to continue rooting through the box to look for lights and pretty
ornaments, intensely aware of Sirius’ eyes watching him for several moments.
 
Working through the boxes, they amass a pile of ornaments for the tree, some
beautiful and some nostalgic, as well as colorful christmas lights and beads.
When they plug the lights in to wind them around the tree, the room glows with
every color of the rainbow. Between swigs of cider, they begin to string the
lights between the tree’s branches. There is much frustration and even more
laughing as the lights snag and twist and get stuck in all of the tree’s small
needles, but they manage to get the lights all the way around to the top.
 
Then they get to work on the ornaments, hanging them around the branches in a
disorganized jumble that just feels like home. Remus places ornaments gingerly
while Sirius hangs them disorderly with wild abandon, all while laughing about
some of the cheesier ornaments. There’s one from James’ favorite football team,
and several with pictures of Harry that James and Lily distributed with
Christmas cards when he was a baby. Remus sifts through the pile, soaking in
bits of information about Sirius as he goes. He smiles at a few of them: a
Rocky Horror ornament featuring the iconic red lips and a gay pride flag. He
holds them both up for Sirius to see and asks, “Really?”
 
Sirius is standing on his tippy toes to hang an ornament, but he steps over to
take a closer look at the ornaments. He laughs when he sees them. “The flag is
from James, but I bought the Rocky Horror one, and I’m not ashamed to admit
it,” he jokes, taking it from Remus gingerly. “Someone I was seeing right after
I graduated took me. I met him in a bar, I think,” he says, looking pensively
at the glass bauble. “I’d never seen it before, and he was shocked. I think his
exact words were, ‘It’s a required queer viewing.’” Sirius laughs again,
turning to hang it up.
 
Remus watches him with a smile. He loves the way Sirius does, well, everything;
it’s almost like he’s saying “fuck you” to anyone who dares to disagree with
him. Everything is defiant, from his aesthetic to his sexuality. He flaunts it
and is proud of it, the type of confidence that is a force to be reckoned with.
Sirius looks over at him, sitting on the floor with the pride flag still in his
hands, and grins back at him.
 
“Are you okay?” he asks, holding a hand out to help Remus up. “You look funny.”
 
“I just really admire you,” Remus says, pulling Sirius in for a hug as soon as
he’s on his feet. There are certain bits of Sirius that are not who he is and
are not who he ever will be, but there are other bits of him that Remus really
wishes he could pull off. “You’re so sure,” Remus says finally.
 
Sirius pulls away just enough to shoot him a confused look. “So sure about
what?”
 
“About everything you do,” Remus says. “You’re so sure that you’re attractive
that you walk like there’s a camera behind you, you’re so sure about Harry that
you’re practically his second father, you’re so sure that you’re gay that you
slap a pride flag on your tree,” he says, nearly all in one breath.
 
Sirius looks amused. “Are you not so sure that you’re gay? I thought we were on
the same page with that one.”
 
“Well,” Remus says, blushing, “I know, but I’m not tattooing it across my
forehead.”
 
“You wear chukka boots and suit jackets with the sleeves rolled up to get
coffee, my dear,” Sirius teases, rubbing Remus’ waist soothingly. “You might as
well.”
 
Remus shakes his head at Sirius, dipping down nearly uncomfortably low to lean
his head on Sirius’ shoulder. “You know what I mean.”
 
“I don’t really think it’s the big deal you’re making it out to be,” Sirius
tells him. “It’s not like I’m not frightened and unsure all of the time, I just
act like I’m not. Holding your shoulders straight and keeping your head high
doesn’t actually mean you have your life sorted out, it just means you know how
to look confident.”
 
Remus considers this, kissing Sirius’ neck idly. Sirius’ hands around him still
feel more firm and real than anything in his life, even himself, and he wonders
again if they’re just different people or if it’s the ten years separating
them. “It doesn’t work on me,” Remus says. “The walk and the confidence.”
 
“It doesn’t have to,” Sirius says. “Not the way I do it, anyway. A lot of the
way I act, I think, comes from trying to make my parents angry when I was
younger. Nothing made them madder than heavy boots and rifling through my
mother’s make up all while keeping my chin up. It’s a defense mechanism a lot
of the time, and I do it without thinking. But you have a quiet confidence. I
don’t think you’re quiet at first because you’re nervous, it’s because you
don’t have anything to say. I’ve heard you when you do have something to say,”
he says with a wink. “Can certainly be more bold than my good posture.”
 
“What do you mean?” Remus asks. Sirius’ eyes are shining with something like
pride, and Remus cannot tell why.
 
“I mean, the first time I had any type of sexual interaction, I was a wreck. I
know how to make myself look bigger than 5’8 with big boots and leather
jackets, but I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing under all of the show. I
was so nervous that I was sweating everywhere and I’m pretty sure I had a panic
attack the first time I ever had a dick in my mouth,” he jokes. “But you know
what you’re doing, when it comes down to it. It’s not always easy to talk dirty
to someone, or to initiate sex in general, and especially not to be the first
one to mention romantic tension, and definitely not in our situation. I had
Lily helping me to map out clues to figure out whether or not you were gay, and
you just went ahead and told me you were interested. That’s what confidence is,
love. Not my obnoxious attitude.”
 
Remus pulls him in for a hug to hide the tightness in his chest. He’s never
thought of himself as anything but meek and unimportant, and to have things
presented to him like that makes him feel a type of good that no one’s ever
made him feel before. “Thank you,” he says quietly. “Where do you think the
flag goes, then?”
 
Sirius barks out a laugh and they return to decorating the tree. There aren’t
many ornaments left, and they hang them one by one until it’s hard to tell
there’s a tree beneath all of the shining lights and heavy ornaments. Sirius
even stands on the couch to hang a wreath over it, and the room looks and
smells and feels so festive that Remus is grinning, just taking it all in as
Sirius hops off of the couch and grabs his drink from the coffee table.
 
Sirius pulls him in, one hand on Remus’ waist and the other holding his cider,
and he kisses his cheek. His lips linger for a moment, taking in Remus’ slight
stubble and soft skin. His Christmas music pandora station plays somewhere in
the background, his phone forgotten in the kitchen as Remus consumes his world,
and the glow of the tree makes Remus’ skin seem even more magical than usual.
His heart thuds painfully in his chest.
 
“It looks lovely,” Remus says. They both try to play off the way his voice
cracks, but Sirius’ heart nearly breaks. It drives him insane that someone kept
Remus from enjoying this for 17 years, but he’s here now, and Sirius can tell
that he is well and truly happy, and he couldn’t ask for anything more.
 
“You do,” Sirius says, his tone embarrassingly genuine for such a cheesy reply.
Remus turns to look at him, both of their cheeks flushed, and smiles just as
genuinely. “I had the best day,” he says honestly, looking directly into Remus’
eyes. His gaze is so pure that Remus shivers.
 
“Me too,” Remus says, kissing Sirius’ temple. “And you look lovely too.”
 
Sirius laughs, and Remus thinks it sounds almost embarrassed, but it’s hard to
tell if he’s blushing or not with all of the multicolored lights shining on his
face. “We’re sops,” he says warmly.
 
“We’re insane, is what we are,” Remus says, not unkindly. He drops his hand
down for a cheeky grasp of Sirius’ butt. He only jolts a small bit in surprise.
“How did we get here?”
 
“Luck, I would say,” Sirius purrs, nipping gently at his neck. “Wild, crazy
luck.” His own hand slips down to grab Remus’ ass in return, leaning into him
even further.
 
“Do you really…” Remus begins, but trails off, taking the time to think as his
hand brushes under the back of Sirius’ shirt. “I think about you every night
before I go to bed, and I spend nearly every day thinking about when I’ll get
to see you next and make you smile and kiss you,” he tries again. His fingers
scratch Sirius’ lower back absently, and he leans in with pleasure to the
touch. “Is that really what it is for you, too?”
 
“ Yes ,” Sirius says without a moment’s hesitation. “That and more. You know
the whole thing… Moony? James came up with that because he said I got all moon-
eyed when you came into the shop. I gushed about you. I still do. I bet Lily’s
sick of hearing about you.”
 
Remus smiles. “Did you really?” he asks. “I came by every day just to see you
and never noticed.”
 
“I’m a professional,” Sirius protests. “I can’t flirt with customers. How
unethical would that be?”
 
Remus sniggers, eyeing the tree. “You won’t flirt with customers, you’ll just
take them home and do filthy things to them. The underaged ones, mind,” he
teases.
 
“Ones?” Sirius prods jokingly. “You make me sound like a slut. I take offense
at the slurs against my character. It’s outright libel!” Remus’ steadfast gaze
is too focused on the tree to laugh, so Sirius takes the opportunity to watch
his face unnoticed, the way the lights dip into the scar across his nose, the
way his sweet brown eyes glimmer, and the soft curves of his lips. “There’s
only one underage customer I’ve enjoyed taking home and deflowering.”
 
“I’ve got my flower, as far as I know,” Remus says with a ghost of a grin on
his curved pink lips, and he finally turns to look at Sirius again. “Talk about
slurs against one’s character.”
 
“You should be so lucky as to be deflowered by me,” Sirius quips, kissing
Remus’ neck gently. “Many would kill for the honor.”
 
“I’m sure, I’ve seen many a suitor vying at your doorstep for your affections,
desperate to bugger the one and only Sirius Black,” Remus says dryly, still
nuzzling sweetly into Sirius’ hair. “A privilege, truly, to be selected among
the crowd and to be the subject of your deflowering tale.”
 
“Tale? If you’re so offended, we could work to clarify,” Sirius points out.
“I’m down for the deflowering. For the sake of veracity, of course.”
 
“You should be so lucky,” Remus mocks, and Sirius laughs against him, littering
sloppy kisses onto any skin he can reach.
 
“Either way,” Sirius presses on, “You must be very oblivious to have missed the
great globs of drool hanging from my mouth when you came by.”
 
“Forgive me,” Remus says, reaching for the arm Sirius has wound around his back
to take his hand in his own. “I was too blinded by the force of my own lust to
see something so insignificant as drool.”
 
“You must have been,” Sirius agrees with a smile. “I don’t memorize just
everyone’s coffee orders first time.”
 
“Well, that’s the true measure of affection, isn’t it?” Remus retorts, and then
he leans in to kiss Sirius’ forehead.
 
Sirius sighs happily. Remus’ hands snake around him and pull him into an
embrace, warm and comforting. He watches out the window as rain falls through
the gloomy night air, and glances up at Remus’ eyes. “You’re going not to walk
home in that,” he says, questioningly. “If I take you on my motorbike it’d at
least be faster. Or I could call you a cab,” he says thoughtfully.
 
“You don’t have to call me a cab,” Remus says. “I don’t mind the rain. I’m only
going to go home and shower, anyway.”
 
“You’ll freeze,” Sirius complains. “You can’t.”
 
“It’s not so bad,” Remus replies, glancing out the window. “Quit parenting me,”
he adds, teasingly. “I can walk home in the rain if I want, mother.”
 
“I am no one’s mother,” Sirius says, craning his head up to kiss Remus while
he’s paying attention to the rain outside. He jerks a small bit in surprise,
but after a moment, he kisses back, his lips soft as ever against Sirius’. He
loves the slow grind of stubbly chins as they kiss; Remus’ stubble is always
short and hardly noticeable, but he can always feel it when they kiss. Even
clean shaven, he thinks, it is nothing like kissing a girl, much rougher, with
harsh, fervent touches. Even Remus’ fingers that move down to grab his hips are
firm, and he’ll be even happier if they bruise. Remus pulls away then,
breathing heavily as he smiles into Sirius’ hair. “Also,” he continues, “I do
not like the implications you’re making about my bits.”
 
Remus laughs, low and rough, into Sirius’ ear. He feels a wave of lust sweep
down his spine. “Your bits are definitely not motherly,” he assures Sirius.
“I’d have no interest in them if they were. I quite like your bits, as it
happens.”
 
“Do you?” Sirius presses, grinning as he runs his fingers up and down Remus’
spine. He can’t see his face, but he knows that he is blushing.
 
“Yes,” Remus says, “And that’s all I have to say about that tonight.” He picks
his head up, cheeks still pink, and gazes out the window. “I should go soon
anyway. Before the rain gets worse and all.”
 
“Okay,” Sirius says, pressing a firm kiss to his lips. “At least let me give
you an umbrella.”
 
“I’ll take that,” Remus agrees. “Maybe some more cookies, too.”
 
Sirius pulls away, smacking Remus’ butt on his way out of the room. “The
chocolate, of course, I would never deprive you of cookies. There’s ziplock
bags in the closet.”
 
Sirius goes to fetch an umbrella from his bedroom, sifting through his dresser
for a few moments before he finds it in among other odds and ends. When he
returns to the kitchen, Remus’ mouth is full of cookie. He laughs at the sight.
“You’re like a child,” he says, eyeing the baggie of cookies in his hand.
“About this and only this.”
 
Remus presses a chocolatey kiss to his forehead. “You are, if anything, the
child here,” Remus corrects, taking the umbrella from Sirius. “But I don’t mind
one bit.”
 
Sirius looks into his honey colored eyes, awash in happiness, and feels his
heart grow in his chest. “I don’t mind, either,” Sirius says, “About anything.
Just you.”
 
“Okay, fairy,” he jokes, pushing him back. “I have to get going.”
 
“Let me know when you get home,” Sirius says. “And be careful.”
 
“I will, I will,” Remus replies, dipping in for one last quick kiss.
“Goodnight, love.”
 
Sirius takes his hand and gives it a small squeeze. “Goodnight.”
 
Remus heads out into the rain, and Sirius grins despite himself as he sets
about to clean up the cookie mess consuming his kitchen.
Chapter End Notes
     I have one chapter left to write! That's it. I can't believe I'm
     almost done with it! I think this story might actually be done by
     like April? I'm so excited to finally finish it.
     Also, sorry about any possible errors, this chapter and ones going
     forward have been written much more recently than the previous ones
     and have thus been edited like, significantly fewer times.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
A few days later, Sirius is working an opening shift at the shop on a gray,
rainy morning. The  stereotypical London fog is hanging in the air, and there
has barely been a trickle of customers coming in and out of the shop since
they’ve opened. Lily came in earlier for a rare appearance to work on some
financial papers that neither he nor James has been able to figure out, and
Sirius has been leaning on the front counter for the last 45 minutes waiting
for her to finish. He feels like he hardly ever gets to talk to her anymore,
since she hasn’t been working for the last few weeks and James has been
pampering her and hovering around her and Sirius has been so busy himself…
 
He sighs as he sees one of their regulars dart past the front windows with an
umbrella out.
 
“Well,” Lily says, emerging from the back at a slow waddle. “That’s finally
done. How’s it going out here?”
 
Sirius turns to her with dull eyes, allowing her to survey the empty tables
herself in his silence.
 
“Good, you’re not busy then,” she says with a grin, pulling up a stool. She
strains with every movement, heaving herself up onto the seat. Her sweater
stretches over his large stomach, her feet wide within her moccasins. She
nearly glows with the radiance of her healthy pregnancy; the flattering flush
on her cheeks nearly overwhelms the shining brightness of her red hair, which
hangs in ringlets slipping loose from her bun. “How are things?”
 
“They’re good,” Sirius says genuinely, turning to make her a cup of hot
chocolate. “Remus is really good,” he adds, grinning helplessly. “Really
great.”
 
“I’m happy to hear it,” she says. “Things went SO well the other night. James
was… surprisingly mature about things. They actually got to talk for a bit,”
she adds, smiling widely. Sirius slides her hot chocolate across the counter to
her, taking in her dark curving lips and shining green eyes. She is family, and
she’s supporting him, a combination of sentiments that always surprises him
just a little bit. “He really likes him.” She assures him, taking a sip of her
hot chocolate.
 
“I could tell,” Sirius says happily, pulling up a stool next to her. “That
means so much. You have no idea.”
 
“So,” she says, brushing his statement off between sips of hot cocoa. “Remus?”
 
“He’s good,” Sirius says again. “We, well I told you the other morning I asked
him and things are, well, labeled, and he came over and we made cookies and
decorated and I could tell he really needed that and really enjoyed it. He’s
opening up, emotionally and… physically. Things are so good.”
 
“I hope so,” Lily says. “I want the world for you. And for him,” she adds.
“Especially the physically bit. I think we’re all aware that you need that
quite badly,” she jokes.
 
“Lily!” He exclaims, blushing a bit through his smile. “Who is we? Don’t talk
about my sex life with anyone. I get enough shit from James without you
weighing in.”
 
“It’s just obvious,” she says, rolling her eyes. “Since you’ve had him, you’ve
been different. So much more relaxed and easy going.”
 
“Since I’ve had him?” Sirius questions, raising an eyebrow at her. “We haven’t,
you know,” Sirius amends, shuffling items on the counter around. “But, yeah.
He’s, Lil, he’s things I didn’t know I needed or wanted. He’s gorgeous and
funny and he challenges me, and he wants me.”
 
“I know,” she says with a smile, swishing her hot chocolate cup around.
 
“I love him,” Sirius says quite suddenly. She looks up at him, green eyes wide
with surprise, and he feels his own heart pound with shock. He hasn’t really
thought about it at all, but it feels so natural now that it’s out there. Remus
wanted to go slow, so they’d been going slow, and Sirius had intended to keep
his heart and mind at the same pace. He learns all at once that perhaps that’s
something far beyond his control.
 
“Oh,” she says simply, still looking at him with wonder in her eyes. “Wow. I
didn’t think you guys were there yet. That’s amazing, Sirius. I’m really happy
for you.”
 
“I haven’t told him,” Sirius says, fiddling with the box of coffee stirrers on
the counter. “I haven’t thought about it much. I don’t know if he’s ready to
hear it.”
 
“He will be,” Lily promises, rubbing his knee comfortingly. “He looks at you
like… I don’t even know how to describe it.”
 
“I know,” He says with a smile, and then, after a moment, “I have to run
something else by you.”
 
“What’s that?” She asks, one hand rubbing her belly. She’s always been sort of
maternal, even before Harry, but lately, he never sees her without a hand
resting on her stomach. Something in him yearns to feel as secure as she does,
sitting there in a fuzzy sweater, rubbing her soon-to-be daughter, knowing she
has a nursery at home all painted and ready to go. She tilts her head at him
inquisitively.
 
“So, James asked me to come for Christmas, right?” He says, tugging anxiously
at a hole worn in his jeans.
 
“Of course,” Lily answers, eyebrows furrowed. “Of course you’re coming for
Christmas, always.”
 
“Right, so. Remus’ parents are going away for Christmas, and he asked what my
plans were, and I told him he could come. Is that okay?” Sirius says a little
too quickly, looking up at Lily finally to gauge her reply.
 
“Yeah,” she says without hesitation. “Yeah, of course it’s okay. No one should
have to spend Christmas alone. I’d love to have him over, and I’m sure James
would as well.”
 
“Okay,” Sirius says gratefully. “Thank you. I know it’s a little weird, I know
it’s different but—”
 
“You don’t even have to explain,” Lily says with a smile. “You know how James
and I love to take care of stray dogs,” she jokes.
 
“Ruff,” Sirius replies with a grin. “Puppy kisses?”
 
“I swear to God, if you lick me,” she says, laughing as he leans in and laps at
her cheek. “I’ll have you know I’m married,” she insists, smiling, and pushes
him off of her. “And pregnant. With a baby, not a litter.”
 
“Ruff!” Sirius insists as she stands up to grab a pastry for herself out of the
display case.
 
“You’re a freak,” she concludes, perching herself back atop the stool. “Is that
something Remus likes?”
 
Sirius laughs, grabbing her pastry to steal a bite. “We’re not furries.”
 
“Do you have the costumes as well? With the masks and all? I’ve always felt as
though it’s counter intuitive to get off on dressing a certain way. Wouldn’t
you want to be naked?” She contemplates, taking the pastry back when he hands
it to her.
 
“Not furries. You’re sick,” he says, standing up to straighten up the counter.
“Where’d you even hear about furries?”
 
“I know about things,” she protests. “Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean
I’m unaware of all things sexual.”
 
The bell above the door dings for the first time in hours, and Sirius and Lily
both snap their heads up to see who’s out for coffee despite the downpour.
 
“Am I interrupting something?” Remus asks from the doorway with a grin.
 
“Not at all, love,” Sirius says, smiling back just as eagerly. “What are you
doing here?”
 
“Something seemed more interesting than school,” he answers, pulling a stool up
to the other side of the counter to sit across from Lily.
 
“You shouldn’t miss school,” Lily says, mildly disapproving. She grabs the box
of straws out of Sirius’ hand to restock the holder herself.
 
“Save your parenting for your own kids,” Sirius tells her, walking around the
counter to pull Remus into a hug. “Everything’s good?”
 
“Everything’s good,” Remus confirms, hugging him back just as tightly. “Better
than, now. You look exceptionally gay today. I may start drooling,” he jokes,
giving Sirius’ belt loop a tug as he pulls away and goes back around to
continue wiping the counter down.
 
“I do try, love. I’ve practiced hard the art of making a black leather jacket
and combat boots scream rainbows,” he jokes,
 
“So being extra gay is a complement?” Lily asks with a smile, “But accusing you
of being a furry is slander.”
 
“Who’s a furry?” Remus asks, alarmed.
 
“There’s no furries around, no one is a furry,” Sirius insists. “I have no
interest in butt plug tails, don’t worry,” he says to Remus’ raised eyebrows.
 
“Okay,” Remus says, somewhat uneasily, looking between the two of them. “I know
that’s a gay thing, but I have to draw my line somewhere.”
 
“Is it?” Lily asks in surprise, looking at Sirius.
 
“Yes, you homophobic brat,” Sirius tells her with a grin, smacking her arm with
the rag he’s using to wipe down the counter.
 
“I had no idea,” she says, laughing. “I don’t mean any offence, Remus.”
 
“That’s okay,” he answers with a grin. “As long as Sirius is telling the truth
about the butt plug tails.”
 
“I wish you luck with that one,” she says with a smile, standing back up with a
bit of effort. “My ride awaits,” she nods to the minivan waiting in the fog
outside the shop. Remus and Sirius both look. James honks and waves from the
driver’s seat.
 
“It was lovely to see you,” Remus says, walking around the counter to save her
the trip and allowing her to pull him into as much of a hug as she can manage.
 
“You too, dear,” she tells him, pulling away. “Get Sirius to bring you round
again sometime soon.”
 
“Of course,” he answers as Sirius finishes wiping the counter and comes over to
give her a quick hug.
 
“Get home safe,” he tells her, kissing her forehead.
 
She swats his lips away as she steps back. “And you be safe,” she jokes. “I’ll
see you two later.”
 
The shop bell dings behind her, and Remus shoots Sirius a bemused look as he
turns back to face him.
 
“What are you being safe with exactly?”
 
“Hmm, after a respectful and mutually agreed upon amount of time, I think
you’ll find out,” he replies with a grin, stepping forward into Remus’ embrace.
 
“Quite a good answer,” Remus teases back just before leaning in for a kiss.
Sirius tilts his head receptively and Remus pulls him in tight by the small of
his back. Sirius feels small and sure and his in his arms, and Remus melts
forward into Sirius’ slow, warm tongue.
 
When they pull apart moments later, Sirius feels warm and flushed and alive,
and he reaches his hand down to grab Remus’. “I talked to Lily about Christmas
and she’s happy to have you come,” He says with a grin.
 
“Are you sure? I feel bad,” Remus says, his eyebrows wrinkling together with
insecurity. Sirius feels slightly guilty for finding it adorable.
 
“She’s literally excited to have you over,” Sirius insists. “I think she’d be
quite upset if you changed your mind.”
 
“I guess I’ll have to come then,” Remus says with a smile. Sirius dips in and
pecks him on the lips just because. “In which case I guess I’ll have to be at
yours on Christmas Eve…”
 
“Mmh, seems inevitable,” Sirius says idly, watching the freckles on Remus’ neck
contentedly. He gently reaches a hand out to trace his fingers along them. They
feel like a love note beneath his finger tips.
 
“Are you listening?” Remus asks, amusement lining his words.
 
“Only half,” Sirius admits. He leans in and presses a wet kiss to the side of
Remus’ neck. “It’s only four days, isn’t it?”
 
“Only four long days,” Remus confirms, pulling Sirius in for a closer embrace
as he continues to nip at his neck. “Let the waiting commence.”
 
                                    ******
 
It turns out that Remus is right, and the hours drip by slowly over the next
four days. Sirius works, visits the Potters’, and sees Remus every day when he
gets out of school, but it all seems to take so long. Even riding his motorbike
to work in the morning feels like a chore when all he wants to do is hole up
with Remus for an entire day.
 
Eventually, though, he wakes up to find that Christmas Eve has arrived, and joy
is returned to his morning routine. He hums in the shower and picks out his
favorite cologne and his tightest black t-shirt and tidies everything up as if
Remus isn’t aware of the state he normally keeps his apartment in.
 
The nervousness eats at his stomach for an hour and a half before there’s a
knock on his door, and he checks his hair in the mirror over his dresser once
quick before sprinting to the door to greet Remus.
 
When he opens the door, his face immediately heats up. Remus stands in front of
him, cozy cardigan and joggers and Vans and duffel bag, holding a vase of red
roses. “Hi,” he says with a grin, his brown eyes shining with pleasure at the
flush on Sirius’ cheeks.
 
“Um. Hello,” Sirius says, stepping to the side a bit to let him in. He steps
inside and Sirius shuts the door behind him and takes his duffel bag at once.
“You…”
 
“I got you flowers,” Remus finishes for him, blushing a bit himself now. “I
know it’s cheesy, but…”
 
“I love it,” Sirius says softly, taking them and gingerly setting them down on
the counter. He pulls Remus into an embrace. “You’re so sweet.”
 
“I was a little nervous,” he admits. “About staying over for the first time.”
 
“Me too,” Sirius laughs. “It’s silly though, isn’t it? You spend plenty of time
here.”
 
“Are you sure?” he asks, peering around suspiciously. “Here? No, we’re usually
somewhere much messier.”
 
“Shut up,” Sirius says without malice, kissing Remus’ cheek, and turning to
head for his bedroom to put Remus’ bag down.
 
“You cleaned for me,” Remus says fondly, following him close behind. “You
really were nervous.”
 
“I was,” Sirius agrees, plopping Remus’ bag onto the bed. “Constructive
anxiety, though. Plus I found a spare pack of batteries, so,” he trails off,
wiggling his eyebrows at Remus wickedly.
 
“Batteries?” Remus asks, tilting his head just a bit. Sirius notices that he
always does this when he is confused. His heart swells and takes up so much
room in his chest that for a moment, he cannot breathe. “For what?”
 
“I can show you, if you like,” he answers with a laugh. “Though, I thought
maybe we’d wait ‘til later for that.”
 
Remus blushes with realization, and Sirius laughs again, leaning in to kiss his
red cheeks. “I agree,” he says, “Maybe just some Christmas shows for now.”
 
So they head into the living room hand in hand. Sirius hooks his laptop up to
the TV as Remus buries himself in blankets on the couch. “I downloaded all of
the classics,” he says, “Which one first?”
 
When he turns to look at Remus, he is smiling broadly. Something about his eyes
says that it extends beyond the context of their conversation. “Surprise me,”
he says.
 
They spend the afternoon under a warm fuzzy blanket on the couch, eating
popcorn and cookies and cuddling straight through It’s a Wonderful Life and A
Christmas Carol. Sirius is so sick of these movies that he’d be annoyed if he
was actually aware of them playing, but instead all of his focus is on Remus.
He watches when he laughs and traces shapes on his thigh and kisses his cheek
and neck and cuddles into his chest, just feeling the warmth of another person
around him. His person. He feels warm, and not entirely because of the Bailey’s
in his hot cocoa. When Miracle on 34th Street starts playing, they order pizza
for delivery, and by the time the movie’s done they’re both full, just slightly
tipsy, and very contented.
 
“It’s getting dark out,” Remus comments.
 
“That it is,” Sirius agrees, reaching in to entwine his fingers with Remus’.
“But I have all I need in here.”
 
Remus rolls his eyes at the cheesy line but leans in for a kiss anyway. Sirius
kisses back fervently, hungrily, and something clicks like an ignition in
Remus’ chest, and heat runs through his veins.
 
“Is this… Is this the blow jobs under the tree bit of the evening?” Sirius asks
between kisses.
 
“Sirius… shut up.” Remus responds with a smile, pulling him back in. His hands
reach for Sirius’ back, trailing fire with his fingertips. Sirius climbs onto
his lap, straddling his hips, and Remus feels so very close to him, addictively
engaged. He could sit here like this forever, he thinks, even with Sirius’ long
curtain of hair tickling his cheeks and neck. Sirius’ kisses are passionate but
tender, forceful but gentle.
 
Sirius grinds his hips in a small circle, and Remus’ hips jerk up
involuntarily. Sirius’ lips crush against his own with raw desire, and his cock
swells against Sirius’ with the overload of sensation. Sirius takes this as a
sign of approval and slowly begins to grind their hips together. The slow drag
as their arousal takes form between them makes Sirius feel as though his skin
might be melting. Everything sexual with Remus is always good, but tonight more
than ever before he feels a sense of irrepressible need. Through his
sweatpants, he feels Remus’ cock throb against him.
 
“How do you feel?” Sirius interrupts the moment to ask.
 
Remus’ eyes seem to appreciate the gesture, but reflect the burning lust he’s
sure is in his own as well. “I feel like maybe we should move this into the
bedroom.”
Chapter End Notes
     I realize that this is a weird filler chapter, but I'll be honest I'm
     a little too depressed about almost being done with this story to
     rewrite anything
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Sirius looks over at Remus, lying naked and exposed on his back, staring up at
the ceiling with big, wide eyes. He looks at the freckles dancing in a sea of
deep pink around his cheeks and all down his chest, at the messy fluff of honey
brown hair haloing around his head, at the slight tremble of his lips, at the
largeness of his very adorable nose, at the golden, vulnerable orbs that gaze
upward with honest, novel wonder. He’s so beautiful like that, small sharp
breaths moving quickly in and out of his lips as his heart races, contemplating
what they’ve done, how they’ve connected, and in that moment Sirius can see a
lifetime with the boy in front of him. He imagines next Christmas Eve will be
much the same as this one, and perhaps all the Christmas Eves after as well. He
can see Remus at 20, 25, 30 and beyond lying in bed next to him, and there’s a
huge plain of possibilities stretching before them, all for the two of them,
and something in Sirius’ chest expands and bursts at the thought. He worms his
way closer to Remus, whose breathing is finally beginning to slow to a normal
pace, and turns just slightly to fold his arms over Remus’ chest. Resting his
chin upon his forearms, he looks up at those sweet, golden eyes. “Hey,” he says
softly and quietly, “I love you.”
 
Remus looks down at Sirius’ eyes with a jolt. He stares in shock for a few
seconds, and Sirius’ heart begins to skip, flush filling his cheeks, before he
notices the tears leaking down Remus’ face.
 
“Oh, Remus,” he says softly, sitting up a bit more now to pull him closer. He
runs his fingers through Remus’ hair, humming softly at him. “It’s okay, you
don’t have to say anything you don’t want to, I just wanted to let you know
because I do, I love you, and--” he stops when Remus begins to cry harder, and
sits up to grab him a few tissues. “Was it the sex?” he asks, handing the
tissues over. “I thought you were ready--”
 
“No,” Remus says, voice scratchy with tears. He covers his eyes with the
tissues, quickly trying to wipe away the tears. “It’s not that. Shit. I’m
sorry.”
 
“It’s okay, love,” Sirius tells him, eyebrows pulling together in concern.
“Don’t apologize. Are you okay? Do you wanna get up? We could have tea or maybe
open presents early if you want.”
 
“Okay,” Remus says, dabbing at his eyes one last time. “Yeah, that sounds
good.”
 
“Okay?” Sirius asks softly, sitting up and then dipping down to kiss Remus’
forehead. “I’ll meet you inside if you want a minute?”
 
“No,” Remus says quickly, sitting up as well. “Don’t leave.”
 
“Okay,” Sirius says, taking Remus’ hand and bringing it up to his mouth to kiss
it softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
 
They get up and dress, just t-shirts and boxers, and then Sirius walks around
the bed and holds his arms out. Remus falls into them at once, embracing Sirius
in a bear hug. Sirius squeezes him tightly, rubbing comforting circles on him
back. It takes a moment before either of them are ready to pull away, and then
they walk into the kitchen together, Remus following Sirius as close as he
comfortably can, looking much like a lost puppy. He leans on the counter and
watches with big eyes filled with an emotion Sirius can’t quite place as Sirius
fills a kettle and sets in on the stove.
 
“What kind of tea do you want?” Sirius asks, digging around in the cabinet
above the stove. “Maybe something nice and relaxing? Chamomile?”
 
“Sure,” Remus says distractedly. He’s watching everything Sirius does with
careful attention, but Sirius has a feeling he’s somewhere else.
 
He sets two mugs on the counter and puts a tea bag in each, and then turns to
look at Remus. He looks so lost, and Sirius’ heart aches for him. Whenever
Remus hurts, Sirius, by extension, hurts too. “Let’s go inside while the kettle
goes,” he says, reaching for Remus’ hand, currently hanging limply at his side.
“Christmas presents fix everything.”
 
Remus laughs softly, at least, and Sirius can’t help pulling him in for a
reassuring kiss at the sweet sound. This lovely boy is everything to him, and
the sound of his laughter warms his heart.
 
They sit down by the tree together, the room lit dimly by the christmas lights
and the glow from the street and the moon leaking through the window. Sirius
reaches under the tree to pull out the presents they’re exchanging, and slides
a package and a small box across the few feet of floor between him and Remus.
“Do the big one first,” he tells him.
 
Remus nods, and sets to work opening the present. Sirius really hadn’t known
what to get him for a while, and then he’d seen this jacket at the mall while
shopping for James, Lily, and Harry and knew he had to get it for Remus.
 
“I know it’s not the most romantic present,” he says as Remus pulls out the
army green cargo jacket. “I just saw it, and my first thought was that it would
look great with your eyes.”
 
Remus smiles warmly at Sirius. Something in his eyes looks uncharacteristically
mushy and Sirius smiles back soppily as well. “Thank you,” Remus says. His
voice is still a bit hoarse from crying, but the sadness is gone from his eyes.
 
“Maybe you can model it for me later,” he says with a wink, moving to open his
own present now. Inside the box is a leather choker, and he feels heat rush to
his stomach as he looks up at Remus.
 
“You should’ve seen it on the model,” is all Remus says, his eyes giving off
heat.
 
“I’ll try to pull it off just as well,” Sirius jokes, picking it up gingerly.
“I love it.”
 
“Put it on,” Remus says, and so Sirius does, carefully wrapping it around his
neck. Remus scoots closer to reach for the buckle and Sirius lets him, throwing
his head back to expose the column of his throat to Remus. Once the buckle
clicks into place, he relaxes and smiles seductively at Remus.
 
“How do I look?” he asks.
 
“Gorgeous,” Remus breathes, moving back out of Sirius’s space. “Just seeing you
in that is enough of a Christmas present for me.”
 
Sirius grins, glad that Remus’ easy banter is back, and nods towards the small
box. “But you still have one left,” he says as he reaches up to undo the buckle
on the choker.
 
Remus reaches for the box, opening it gingerly as if it were something small
and breakable. Sitting atop a mound of tissue paper is a key. Remus looks up at
Sirius with confusion.
 
“For my flat,” Sirius explains. “In case you ever need somewhere to go while
I’m not home. You’re always welcome here.”
 
Remus’ eyes prick with tears once again.
 
“No, no,” Sirius says, his face falling. “Come here, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
Remus shifts forward, burying his face in Sirius’ hair. He says nothing, so
Sirius just caresses his back gently. “You’re starting to freak me out, love,”
he says, sounding more shaken than he’d meant.
 
Remus pulls away, dabbing at his eyes with his fingers, laughing at himself.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly, swallowing hard. “Don’t be freaked out. I just
feel really overwhelmed. I just. No one’s ever told me they love me before,” he
says honestly, and Sirius nearly smacks himself for not realizing that that’d
upset Remus. He knew that he hadn’t heard that any time recently, not from his
parents and certainly not from that shitty friend he’d had, and Remus had shied
away every other time Sirius had gotten close to saying it. Happy tears were
not the first place his mind ever went. “And it didn’t feel real, but. I love
you, too, Sirius,” he says, eyes shining with honesty. “You’ll never know how
much you saved me this year.”
 
Sirius suddenly understands, because now he feels like he’s about to start
crying too. “This is too gay,” is all he can say, and Remus suddenly begins
cracking up through his tears just as the kettle begins to whistle.
 
They sit at the table and drink tea in easy silence, legs twining under the
table and hands holding one another on its surface. Sirius feels tired, the
warm kind that you get when you’re thoroughly sated and comfortable. He rubs
his thumb against Remus’ knuckles absentmindedly.
 
“What did you think?” Remus asks. Sirius looks up at him, and he looks funny,
half teasing and half anxious. He grins back.
 
“You’re probably going to say I’m just being a sentimentalist, but it was
honestly the best sex I’ve ever had,” Sirius tells him, scooting his chair in
to get as close as possible. “You always feel like fire.”
 
Remus blushes, swishing his tea around in his cup modestly. “You did seem to
enjoy it,” he says, hovering away from the sincere passion in Sirius’ comment.
 
Sirius watches him, his golden fringe hanging over his eyes and his soft, pink
lips that part for a sip of tea. The first thing that comes to Sirius’ mind is
the word  beautiful , which has never before been the first word he’s thought
of to describe a boy. Remus is special, though, beautiful and sexy and
brilliant all at once. “What did  you  think?” he responds after a quiet
moment.
 
Remus looks up, and Sirius feels the intensity of his eye contact. “I was
surprised,” he says honestly. “I thought-- I thought it would be harder, or
that something would be weird or embarrassing, but it just--”
 
Sirius gives his hand a squeeze. “It was just perfect,” he finishes. “Sex is
weird, sometimes, and embarrassing or messy or confusing, but when you love
someone… all of that’s okay, you know? Kind of endearing and fun, actually.”
 
Remus smiles at him.  Love someone , he thinks, again and again, turning the
words over in his mind. There is nothing, he thinks, quite like the idea that
you are with someone, doing nothing at all, and neither of you would ever want
to be anywhere else. “I do,” he says. He takes his last sip of tea, the warmth
of Sirius’ legs on his filling his body with pleasure. “I think we’d better go
to bed soon,” he says, “We have to get up early tomorrow.”
 
“That we do,” Sirius says, standing up to bring their cups to the sink. “Are
you nervous?”
 
“No,” Remus says, and the honesty of that surprises himself. He’s not; it might
be a little weird, but Lily and James love Sirius so much that they share his
love for Remus by proxy. He’s not quite a part of their family, but he
certainly feels accepted. Even Harry likes having him around.
 
“I’m glad,” Sirius says, and Remus stands as he steps back over. “Lily makes
homemade cinnamon buns every Christmas morning, and hot chocolate, too,” he
tells Remus, pulling him in for another hug. He feels the need to hold him,
especially tonight. He feels too much vulnerability to keep his hands off
Remus.
 
“Well, you do know how I feel about hot chocolate,” he jokes. “I think it’ll be
alright, though,” he kisses Sirius’ temple sweetly, feeling Sirius’ heart skip
a beat in his chest against Remus’ own. “I was worried, with James and all, but
he really actually seems okay with everything.”
 
“When James was 15 years old, he invited his best friend to move in with him
because he couldn’t stand to see him live in an abusive household anymore,”
Sirius tells him honestly. “And James’ mum didn’t really know me much, I hadn’t
been able to go to his house much because, well, my batshit crazy mother and
all, but she extended the same invitation, you know? To someone she didn’t
know, just because she knew her son cared about him and he needed help, and
that was enough for her.”
 
“So James is turning into his mother?” Remus asks for clarification, an eyebrow
quirked mockingly.
 
“Well, yes, but he’s always been quite a bit like her, she coddled him and he
loved it,” he jokes, eyes shining with a happiness that disagrees with the
disapproving tone in his voice.
 
“She coddled you too,” Remus guesses upon seeing Sirius’ eyes.
 
“Well, maybe a little,” he admits. “She’s a wonderful woman.”
 
“How are James’ parents?” Remus asks curiously. “How come you’re not all
spending Christmas with them?”
 
Sirius’ eyes are now filled with a heavy sadness, but he keeps smiling, sliding
a hand under Remus’ shirt. “They were in a bad car accident a few years ago.
Neither of them made it,” Sirius says, and Remus caresses his hip comfortingly
as if instinctually.
 
“I’m sorry,” Remus says, looking empathetically into Sirius’ sad gray eyes. “I
didn’t know. I wouldn’t have--”
 
“It’s okay,” Sirius says honestly. “It was hard but we kind of. We can handle
it, you know? We’re okay. I’m glad I had them while I did. They loved me, even
as a kid, stupid leather jackets and new boyfriend every week and loud
motorbike and all.”
 
“I’m glad you had that, too.” Remus tells him softly. Sirius’ eyes have lost
some of their sadness, and Remus dips in to kiss him, long and slow. Sirius’
body presses tight to him, holding onto him as if he’ll float away if his grasp
isn’t firm enough, and Remus squeezes him back just as tight.
 
“Do you think,” Remus asks hoarsely once they pull away. “That they would’ve
liked me?”
 
“They would’ve adored you,” Sirius says with a grin. “They were sweet people,
but they would’ve loved you. They doted on Lily. She would always be baking
with Mrs. Potter, or helping Mr. Potter with some housework. I swear they liked
her more than their own son. And you’re so much like her.” He surveys Remus
appraisingly. “Maybe less tits.”
 
“Sirius!” Remus laughs in surprise, pushing him away. “Besides, I’d like to
think we have a few more differences than that.”
 
“Oh, yes,” Sirius purrs, stepping closer once again. They’re now almost by the
kitchen doorway; Remus wants to lay back down in bed and feel Sirius’ arms
around him there, drifting off to sleep, but he doesn’t want to break the magic
of their practiced waltz; he will stay up all night if it means comfortable
witty banter and Sirius’ eyes and hands on him. “Lily’s never fucked me into
the mattress in the middle of the night as a Christmas present.”
 
“Well, I should hope not,” Remus says, his voice odd and high as color rises
hot to his cheeks.
 
“Doesn’t have the equipment,” Sirius continues. “I’ve seen it, with the baby
coming out and all, pretty disgusting. I much prefer this,” he adds, reaching
between them to wrap his hand around Remus’ half hard cock. “This is very, very
nice.”
 
Remus’ face is red all over, and Sirius grins, placing kisses all over his
face. He finds it precious, the idea that Remus was pounding him into the
mattress and whispering dirty things in his ear half an hour ago, and now he is
beet red at the mere mention of sexuality. “I agree,” Remus says finally. “It
is, um. Nice. I enjoy it.”
 
Sirius laughs and leans in to kiss him. “Back to bed?”
 
“Yes,” Remus says definitely. His face is still red as Sirius takes his hand,
kisses it, and leads him back to his bedroom.
 
Inside, the clear christmas lights above Sirius’ bed light the room up with a
warm glow. The only other light comes from the moon outside. The blankets are
crumpled, the pillows displaced, and a tube of lube sits on his bedside table,
oozing out onto the wooden surface. His skin heats. When he looks over at
Remus, he is stripping down to nothing to climb beneath the blankets. “Yeah?”
Sirius asks, tugging at his own boxers.
 
“Yeah,” Remus says. Sirius can see his lean thighs, sprinkled with light brown
hair, and his bony hips, and his mild arousal, and when he looks back up to
Remus’ eyes, they have fire within them. He quickly peels off his boxers and
tugs his plain t-shirt off of his chest. “Perfect,” Remus says so softly Sirius
almost does not hear him, but he does, and now it is Sirius’ turn to blush as
he crawls under the blanket with Remus.
 
“I’m exhausted,” Sirius admits.
 
“Me too,” Remus agrees, and he leans in and kisses Sirius lovingly. Their
tongues meet for the briefest of seconds before he pulls away, and then he
flips over, backing into Sirius’ arms.
 
Their bodies touch everywhere. Sirius has had sex before, plenty of times. He’s
cuddled with other men. But he’s never touched anyone quite this much. Every
inch of Remus’ skin burns against his own, and his arousal stirs against Remus’
backside, pressed firmly against him.
 
“Hmm,” Remus murmurs, wiggling his hips back. Sirius leans in to kiss the back
of Remus’ neck with first soft kisses, then gentle sucking and nibbling. Remus
squirms against him, and when he reaches around, Remus’ cock slips into his
hand, hard as ever. “I thought,” Remus tries, whimpering only slightly when
Sirius gives an experimental jerk. “I thought bed.”
 
“Do you want bed?” Sirius asks against Remus’ neck, moving his hand to Remus’
hip. “I just thought, considering.”
 
“This is nice,” Remus says, turning to look over his shoulder at Sirius. “I’m
just a little. Can we cuddle? I don’t mind the… the spooning is nice. But other
than that.”
 
“Yeah,” Sirius murmurs, leaning in to kiss him softly. “It’s never a question.
Whatever you want.”
 
Remus settles back down, burying his head into the pillow and laying his body
firmly against Sirius’. “I’m a little sore,” he adds, reaching to twine his
fingers with those of Sirius’ hand on his hip.
 
“ You’re  a little sore,” Sirius says with wonder. “Who was the one with their
face in a pillow again?”
 
Remus smiles helplessly. He feels so extraordinarily naked. He’s seen himself
getting dressed or going into the shower, but this-- this is what it means to
be exposed. Sirius’ cock presses harmlessly against Remus, and he presses a few
more soft, loving kisses to Remus’ neck. He can feel Sirius’ thighs against the
backs of his own, where they are hairy and where they are muscled, and Sirius’
cold toes press against his own feet. He loves this feeling; he and Sirius have
been extremely close from early on in their relationship, but he hasn’t quite
felt like this before, like as long as Sirius keeps touching him, the whole
entire world is at peace. “I love you,” he says again, just because he can.
 
Sirius jerks a bit in surprise, but then he melts even further. “God, that’s
nice,” he says breathlessly. “I adore you. I love you too,” he says, pressing
another soft but solitary kiss to the back of Remus’ neck.
 
Remus hums a soft sound of happiness. He feels Sirius around him, enclosing
him, and feels vulnerable yet safer than ever in his arms as he drifts off to
sleep.
 
                                    ******
 
The next morning, Sirius’ alarm goes off before either of them are ready to get
up. They flipped during the night and Sirius is now nuzzled back into Remus’
hold. The room is a little chilly but warmed with the morning sunlight, and
Sirius sits up slowly after he shuts the alarm, gazing down at Remus’ half-
sleeping face, framed by the sunlight filtering through the blinds.
 
“Good morning,” Sirius says with a grin, pushing his golden hair back out of
his eyes.
 
“Ugh,” Remus complains, swatting Sirius’ hand away. “No,” he says. “Too early.”
 
“But you gotta get up,” Sirius says, leaning down to kiss his neck lovingly.
“We have to be at Lily and James’ in an hour and a half. Plus, you can take a
shower with me if you get up now,” he teases.
 
“You’re trying to seduce me out of bed,” Remus protests. “It won’t work.”
 
It does, though, and fifteen minutes later they are side by side at the sink,
brushing their teeth. Remus looks in awe at Sirius’ body, at the scratch marks
on his hips and the bite marks on his back and all of the red bruises lining
his neck.
 
“See something you like?” Sirius jokes, spitting toothpaste into the sink.
Remus watches him rinse his mouth out, his long black hair tangled from their
long night. He straightens up when he’s done, wiping his mouth, and Remus
rinses his own mouth.
 
“I do,” he says once his mouth is finally free. His voice is a bit too honest,
and Sirius looks at him with a sweet smile and crinkles around his eyes and
Remus’ heart thuds. If every morning could be like this, he wouldn’t mind
waking up. Ever.
 
“I’ve broken you, haven’t I?” Sirius jokes, leaning in to kiss him warmly.
Remus knows there is no discomfort or malice in his teasing; he feels the heat
and Meaning in Sirius’ touches this morning, and he knows that this is special
for him, too.
 
“Maybe,” he agrees helplessly.
 
Sirius smiles at him again and then moves to turn the shower on. Remus watches
him. He moves around with such ease, as if unaware that he is naked, that Remus
is naked, that both of them are at their most vulnerable, and Remus finds
himself forgetting as well. He is so gorgeous, running his fingers through his
hair to untangle it as he waits for the water to heat up.
 
“This is nice,” Remus says because, well, it is. Sirius looks up at him and
Remus sees the agreement in his eyes. “To be this comfortable.”
 
Sirius smiles and holds his hand out. Remus steps forward instinctively, and
Sirius pulls him in for a hug. “It should always be,” he says. “It is nice.
It’s lovely. And I love you.”
 
Remus buries his head into Sirius’ hair and takes a deep breath of  home .
 
A nice, warm, half hour long shower later, they are dressing and getting ready
to go. Sirius insists very seriously upon wearing a hideous Christmas sweater
with far too many bright colors and a large, gaudy Christmas tree on the front,
and Remus no longer feels underdressed in his dark jeans and maroon jumper.
They pack up a plate of cookies, and Sirius looks at him with purpose every
chance he gets. Remus’ whole body feels hot at the attention, but not
unpleasantly so.
 
Downstairs, Sirius stows the cookies in the compartment under the seat and they
climb on almost habitually. Remus cuddles deeply into Sirius’ back as they take
off.
 
It’s bitingly cold, the crisp December air nipping at their noses and ears, and
Remus nuzzles into his shoulder for warmth. The ride is short, though, and when
they pull up to the Potters’, Sirius parks in the driveway as if it is his own
spot, which Remus thinks, it really may be.
 
“You okay?” Sirius asks once the engine is shut, turning to look at Remus’
face, red in the frigid air.
 
“More than,” he says happily, leaning in for a kiss.
 
After a sweet embrace, Sirius grabs the cookies and they walk up to the front
door. Remus passively admires him, long black hair, silky and clean and flowing
in the wind, sleek, worn leather jacket, and jeans tucked into a pair of heavy
black boots. His heart melts a little and he reaches out for Sirius’ free hand
just because he can. When Sirius feels his touch he looks up, a genuine smile
on his face.
 
“You look gorgeous,” Remus says, and he genuinely thinks he sees Sirius blush.
Sirius opens his mouth, but he doesn’t have a chance to say anything before the
door opens.
 
“Hi,” Lily says warmly, holding the door wide open. “Get in, get in, it’s
freezing.”
 
They step inside, and Sirius takes Remus’ jacket from him and hangs it up next
to his own on the hooks by the door. Lily shuts the door behind them and Remus
feels himself warm instantly. As soon as their coats are up she pulls them in
for hugs, first Remus and then Sirius. Remus has never been hugged so lovingly
by someone who had no obligation to him and he feels so comfortable here, more
so than he’s ever felt in his own home. Lily appraises them once she’s let them
go, and first she says nothing, taking in the marks on their necks and the fit
of their hands, and then she just smiles.
 
“Happy Christmas,” she says at last. “How was your Christmas eve?” Remus turns
red, and she laughs, leading them into the living room. “James is upstairs
getting Harry up,” she says as she takes the cookies from Sirius. “The only kid
in the world who wants to sleep in on Christmas morning.”
 
Sirius grins, flopping down onto the couch as Lily takes the cookies into the
kitchen. Remus sits next to him and Sirius pulls him closer until their thighs
are touching.
 
“She’s acting strange,” Remus observes, allowing Sirius to nuzzle into him. He
rests his head against Sirius’ instinctively.
 
“Could be that I look like I was attacked by a rabid animal last night,” Sirius
teases, pressing a kiss to any part of Remus’ neck that he can reach. His lips
are soft and smiling as they go, his fingers gripping Remus’ hips with soft and
gentle love.
 
“It’s not that bad,” Remus protests half heartedly, but it is, and the thought
of just how bad it really is makes them both grin.
 
Lily walks into the room and sees them like this, tangled in each other,
Sirius’ lips lingering on Remus’ jawbone, and both of their mouths curved into
helplessly wide smiles. She stops and looks at them, and Remus tries to direct
his smile at her instead, but she just stands there and looks at them. “What’s
going on?” she asks.
 
“With what?” Sirius asks innocently. He picks his head up, but leaves his arms
curled around Remus’ hips.
 
Lily just looks at them curiously. Remus sees Sirius bat his eyelashes at Lily
out of the corner of his eye and he laughs, winding an arm around Sirius’ back.
She crosses the room in front of them, moving to sit down on the loveseat next
to the tree. Her stomach is so large that she more waddles than walks, and when
she sits, it lies in her lap like an oversized beach ball. She runs her hand
over it absently.
 
“When are you due?” Remus asks. It doesn’t bother him if Lily knows, but he
doesn’t want to be looked at like that; it feels like an inside joke that he
isn’t a part of.
 
“Like, any day now,” she jokes. “Four weeks or so. I can’t wait to be able to
walk again,” she says. “And get my sex life back.”
 
Remus’ cheeks turn bright pink, and she grins. He runs a hand through his
overgrown hair nervously while Sirius bursts out into a fit of bark-like
laughter.
 
“I don’t mean to embarrass you,” Lily says genuinely, still smiling despite
herself. “Sirius is shameless, so I thought--”
 
“It’s fine,” Remus answers as Sirius kisses his neck teasingly again, and then
adds, to Sirius, “Do you mind?”
 
“Are you rejecting me? On Christmas morning?” Sirius asks in jest. “You’re
breaking my heart! After I let you deflower me!”
 
Lily laughs, but Remus just smiles coyly. He loves Sirius’ sense of humor; he’s
never been able to dissolve any kind of awkward situation on his own, but
Sirius always makes him forget that feeling awkward even exists. “You’ve long
since been deflowered. You’re a sad, flowerless rose bush. Not even a single
bud,” he insists, still fighting off Sirius’ attempts to kiss him.
 
“At least I still have my thorns,” he says, winking at Remus. His pale grey
eyes sparkle with mirth and Remus sighs, giving up as he leans back against the
couch.
 
“You’re impossible,” he says without malice. Sirius is sometimes a little bit
of a handful, but he is anything but impossible. He knows Remus, and he knows
when his jokes are too much or not the right thing to say, and he definitely
always knows just the thing to say to spark witty banter. He’s surprised when
Sirius talks with him, but only just so. It is a familiar kind of surprise. He
realizes, now, that he’s been staring at Sirius in wonder this whole time, and
Sirius’ eyes melt right back at him.
 
Their gaze is broken by the pounding of Harry’s footsteps down the stairs.
“Presents!!” he yells before he’s reached the bottom. He dives into the living
room full speed and stops just in front of the couch, staring down at the stack
of gifts.
 
“Happy Christmas, kid,” Sirius says sweetly and affectionately, leaning forward
out of Remus’ embrace to hold his arms open for Harry, who falls into them
without a second thought. “That looks like a lot of boxes under the tree, I
wonder how spoiled you’ll get this year,” Sirius jokes, and Harry laughs as he
slips out of his hold.
 
To Remus’ surprise, he turns to him next, wrapping him up into a hug with his
tiny 9 year old arms. Remus only hesitates for a moment before hugging back.
 
“Hi, Remus,” Harry says confidently, smiling as he pulls away.
 
“Hello Harry,” Remus says, feeling as if he’s been caught quite off guard.
“Happy Christmas.”
 
“You too,” he says, and then he flies across the room to sit just under the
tree, surveying the packages up close.
 
“What a brat,” Sirius jokes as Harry picks up a present and shakes it to hear
what’s inside. Harry is too busy to hear, but as James walks over to Lily and
stands over her to run his hands through her bright orange hair, they both
laugh, gazing adoringly over at Harry.
 
Harry cannot be distracted, so they open presents before breakfast. Nearly
everything under the tree is for Harry, and James takes pictures of him opening
his presents with a digital camera as the stack of toys next to him grows and
grows. His last and biggest present is a new laptop, and he looks up at James
in surprise when he opens it.
 
“Really?” he asks excitedly.
 
“Really,” James answers, pulling him in for a hug over the half unwrapped box.
He presses a kiss to his forehead as they pull apart. “I love you, buddy,” he
adds.
 
“I love you too, dad,” he says, attention focused on the box in front of him.
He reads the back of the box as James, Lily, and Sirius exchange gifts. James
has gotten Lily a necklace. It is a heart locket, and he opens it to show her a
picture of her, James, and Harry inside. She cries a little bit as he puts it
on her, and Sirius rubs Remus’ arm as they watch.
 
Sirius and James got each other some clothes and a gag gift each. Remus had
expected something silly, but he is still surprised when James flings a pack of
gum at Sirius. “Shocking pack of gum? I’m pretty sure you’ve done this one
already,” James says skeptically.
 
“Like this is any better?” Sirius accuses through the smile on his face. He is
holding up a package that reads “For the world’s tiniest penis!” It contains a
tiny condom that would probably hardly fit around Sirius’ pinky finger. Remus
idly thinks that it’s a good thing that Harry is so distracted by his presents.
“Remus, tell them this is quite far from reality,” he says, clearly minding his
language without thinking. It’s odd to Remus to see him do that, just one of
those quirky little things parents do instinctively. The idea of Sirius as a
responsible caregiver is still just inherently at odds with his personality in
Remus’ mind.
 
“No, I’d say that looks about right,” Remus agrees with a small smile, “Thank
goodness, too, we’d been having trouble finding ones that fit him.”
 
“Ugh,” James says, wrinkling his nose despite the grin on his face. “Why’d you
have to take it somewhere gross?” He tosses one of his new shirts at the pair
of them in disgust, but Sirius catches it mid-throw and flings it back at him.
 
“Yeah, they’re the ones who took it there,” Lily says dryly. “Come on now, I
think it’s time for breakfast,” she says, standing up with some difficulty.
Despite her lumbering gait, she stops to confiscate Sirius’ ‘present’ on her
way into the kitchen.
 
They enjoy Christmas movies over fresh cinnamon buns and hot cocoa, just as
Sirius had said. Lily spreads out on the couch, resting her head on James’ lap,
and Sirius and Remus cuddle up on the loveseat. Harry sits on the floor with
his laptop, getting straight to work installing his favorite games. While
Sirius, James, and Lily watch the movie, Remus watches them; it feels weird to
be taken up by this perfectly cohesive family. Everyone is at peace on
Christmas, which Remus hasn’t experienced since before his mother’s stillbirth.
There were presents and now there are movies and later there will be a lasagna
and gingerbread cookies and sweet wine, and all of these things will be enjoyed
without the threat of violence looming forever in the background. It is moments
like these, in the Potters’ household when there is silence yet still love,
that it becomes clear how deep the scars from his childhood run. Sirius
absently leans over and kisses his forehead and he thanks god for this, for
this man and his accepting friends and the opportunity to spend Christmas with
someone who cares about him for the first time in 17 years.
 
The rest of the night passes by just as wonderfully. The Potters treat him as
if he’s spent every Christmas with them all along, and Sirius keeps flashing
him these  looks , more and more common as the night goes on. By the time Lily
is handing them a plate of Christmas cookies and saying goodnight, Remus is
afraid that if Sirius looks at him one more time he’ll catch on fire.
 
Outside, Sirius takes his helmet out and loads the cookies into the seat
compartment. When he straightens back up and looks as Remus, his eyes are much
grayer than usual. “I know you have to be home by the morning, but I was hoping
you’d be interested in coming back for a bit tonight,” he says. His words are
clean but Remus feels filthy listening to them; he knows they’re dripping with
sexual connotations. His blood races.
 
“Of course,” Remus says, and Sirius’ face cracks into a huge grin in the
freezing dusk.
Chapter End Notes
     HA, sorry, I know! The next chapter ACTUALLY has sex in it I promise.
     This didn't seem as cruel when I was writing it months/years ago.
***** Chapter 21 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
When they get back to Sirius’ flat, they scramble upstairs with such immediacy
that Remus thinks Sirius may rip his pants off and bend over the arm of the
sofa the second they step inside. Instead, he takes a moment to put the cookies
in the kitchen before flashing his fiery eyes at Remus.
 
Wordlessly, they find their way onto the couch, arms tangled around one another
and lips meeting like magnets, forceful magnets Remus has poured his energy all
day into keeping apart. Remus can’t tell how much time it is that they sit like
that, kissing so deeply that it certainly feels overtly sexual. It could be
minutes or hours; Remus’ brain has melted down into a puddle that is incapable
of telling time.
 
However, when Sirius’ lips move down his jawline, he finds his mind drifting
back to the day they spent together. To Sirius, it may have been just another
Christmas, but to him, it was  significant .
 
“Can I tell you something crazy?”
 
“What’s that?” Sirius asks passively, kissing his neck. Remus can feel the
force of his fingertips gripping his hips with desire and the pounding of his
heart focused on… well, something other than Remus’ words.
 
He grabs Sirius’ shoulders to push him back enough to make eye contact. When
Sirius’ eyes link with his, the lust drains out of them, replaced with
receptive sapphire. “I feel excited for the future for the first time in, well.
17 years. Ever. And it’s not falling in love, I’m not naive enough to think
that falling in love can fix a shitty life. It’s the courage that comes from
knowing someone loves you. It’s having a reason to want to fix things. It’s
wanting to get better because I know your happiness depends on it too, and
knowing I can because you believe in me. I want to say that’s something you’ve
given me, but really it’s something we’ve built together. But still… thank you.
For giving me the opportunity to love you.”
 
Sirius’ eyes have gone hazy. After a moment, he responds, “I don’t want to be
thanked. Loving you isn’t a favor; it’s something I wake up in the morning
proud and happy to feel. You’re wonderful, Remus, and you deserve to be happy
and hopeful about the future in your own right.”
 
“You’re inseparable from any future I could imagine,” Remus says quietly,
trying to hold contact with Sirius’ eyes as flush spreads across his angular
cheekbones. “God, do I want to wake up every morning just like today. Is that
crazy, to look forward to every morning for the rest of my life?”
 
“No,” Sirius admits just as softly. “It’s beautiful, and I feel it too. I know
it’s been just about four months but it feels like I’ve known you for a
lifetime, and I can’t imagine being without you.”
 
I would marry you in a second, Remus wants to say. If you asked, I would be
here. Every morning could start tomorrow, he wants to point out. But Sirius’
eyes are shooting flames once again, and he doesn’t think he has to vocalize
these sentiments for them to be known.
 
“Are you okay?” Sirius asks, touching his chin. His fingers shoot electricity
through Remus’ skin. Remus thinks he can feel every neuron in his body fire,
one at a time. “If you need to really talk, we can. I don’t mean to make you
feel like I’m not listening. I just know, I’ve seen it in your eyes, and I’d
rather show you than talk. I’ve been thinking about this all day,” he says,
pressing his hips into Remus’.
 
Remus can feel the hard length of his arousal jutting into his hip even through
both their pairs of jeans. Memories of the night before flash through his mind,
flowing together as unceasing as the saccharine sweat Remus can remember
licking off of Sirius’ spine in an endorphin-driven drunkness. “You make me
feel crazy,” Remus breathes, “In the best possible way.”
 
“God, do I know what you mean,” Sirius agrees, words dripping with desire. His
voice alone is enough to make Remus’ cock throb, and when Sirius grinds against
Remus’ again, they can feel the tangible desire between their hips.
 
“What do you want?” Remus asks enticingly. “Say the word and it’s yours.”
 
“You,” Sirius says without thinking. The look in his eyes is carnal. “I want
you to fuck me again, I want to make you feel what you did last night again.”
 
“Is that for me or for you?” Remus asks with a tempting grin. Sirius’ eyes
hungrily scan his face. His cock pulses against Remus’, begging as hard as
Sirius’ own words.
 
“For both of us,” Sirius answers. His eyes incinerate Remus when he looks into
them. “Please, Remus, I feel like we waited forever. Now that I know what we
were missing out on, I need more.” His eyes burn like those of a starving man
waiting to feast.
 
Remus fully understands; he doesn’t want to wait anymore either—he doesn’t even
have enough patience to tease. It feels desperate and immediate, his desire,
and he nods softly as he slips his hands under Sirius’ sweater to pull it over
his head. Beneath, Sirius’ pale skin shines with sweat, beads dripping down the
creases between his lean chest muscles. Remus’ eyes go unfocused with hot
desire as he undoes Sirius’ belt, tugging the leather carelessly. He feels his
hands brush Sirius’ erection, swelling with need, and when he glances up to see
Sirius, his eyes are closed in self restraint and indulgent bliss. He tugs his
own shirt over his head, then leans in to kiss Sirius’ just parted lips. Their
kiss is immediately all tongue and fire; Sirius’ desire spills from his
thumping heart to Remus’ mouth, and Remus idly recognizes all that he feels:
Sirius’ warm, sweet tongue, his soft lips, his hard chest, the pounding of his
heart against Remus’ own, the throbbing of his cock, the grip of his fingers,
and the firmness of his biceps as Remus grasps them to pull himself closer.
These details are all-consuming and overstimulating, and Remus pulls away
despite Sirius’ soft groan of disappointment.
 
“We need to go,” he manages to breathe out. “Inside. My legs will be too jelly
to walk in a few minutes.”
 
“That sounds perfect,” Sirius replies as softly, his eyes searching Remus’ with
a mix of overwhelming emotions that Remus cannot parse out individually.
 
Together they make their way into Sirius’ bedroom, abandoning various articles
of clothing across the living room. Once by Sirius’ bed, Remus takes a moment
to remove his own jeans. Sirius watches with lust filled eyes, drinking in the
lines of Remus’ figure. When Remus is done, he pushes Sirius onto the bed.
Taken by surprise, Sirius topples over and lands on the edge of the bed,
sitting. Remus drops to his knees between his legs and Sirius groans in
anticipation.
 
Remus gingerly presses a kiss to the head of Sirius’ cock through his boxers.
Sirius moans, hooking fingers into Remus’ hair. When Remus peeks his eyes up,
Sirius is looking down adoringly at him. He hooks his fingers in Sirius’ boxers
and tugs, allowing Sirius’ hard length to spring free. Remus takes it into his
mouth immediately, humming softly in pleasure at the tangy, salty taste on his
tongue.
 
“You look gorgeous right now,” Sirius breathes, his hips thrusting shallowly as
Remus dips his head up and down in Sirius’ lap. He watches his honey brown eyes
look up and make contact with his own. Remus’ eyes crinkle at the corners with
joy at the compliment as his mouth continues with all-consuming heat. Sirius
can feel Remus’ tongue against the head of his cock all over his body, from his
toes to his fingertips to his cheeks, red hot with pleasure and tingling. His
whole being is alive, awake, and alert to every movement Remus makes.
 
When he lifts his head again, his lips are swollen and red. “I need you,” he
begs, and in response to the desire burning in Sirius’ eyes, he stands and tugs
his boxers off, straddling Sirius and pushing him down to the mattress. Their
cocks brush between them as they move, sending fire through their nerves. Remus
dips in to kiss Sirius. Their hips grind together helplessly as they lap
sloppily and hungrily into one another’s mouths. Remus nibbles at Sirius’ lip,
at his earlobe, at his neck, then returns to kiss him once again. Something
heavy fills his chest as Sirius makes a small involuntary noise of pure bliss,
delving his fingers into Remus’ hair.
 
“Can I ask you something?” Remus purrs when Sirius pulls away to kiss his neck.
 
“Anything at all, my dear,” Sirius replies, licking a long, soft stripe up the
column of Remus’ neck. A shiver runs, rough and slow, down the length of Remus’
spine.
 
“Do you ever get turned on by how young I am?”
 
Sirius more or less stills beneath him, but his cock throbs, hard, against his
hip.
 
“I do,” Remus breathes. “I know it’s kind of wrong to, maybe that’s partly why,
that it’s like forbidden,” he adds, nibbling at Sirius’ neck. Sirius runs his
nails across Remus’ back receptively. “But fuck, does it drive me crazy
sometimes, to be with someone older, more experienced. You know?”
 
“Yeah,” Sirius answers after a moment, voice less husky than Remus’. His
arousal is still evident from his hard length grinding slowly against Remus’.
“Yeah, I do. I didn’t want to accept it at first but it’s so hot to be all of
your firsts. I’d love you whether you were 17 or 47 but nothing in the world
has ever made me feel the way that look in your eyes when we try something new
does.”
 
Remus aches with desperation. “I’m glad you feel it too,” he breathes, a fresh
flurry of arousal making his stomach flop. He shifts off of Sirius’ lap, and
Sirius lies down against the pillows, legs spread open comfortably. Remus
admires him for a moment as he reaches for the lube, his tight sack and his
pink arousal, plump against his toned stomach. “You’re perfect,” he adds as he
covers his fingers in lube.
 
“I bet you say that to all the guys as you lube them up,” Sirius jokes,
inclining his hips just so to grant Remus easier access.
 
He laughs as he nudges first one finger, then two into the tight muscle. “I
should stop that, it tends to make things a bit awkward. Or maybe that’s the ‘I
love you.’”
 
Sirius laughs, then moans softly as a third finger slips inside him. “Jesus,
Remus,” he begs. “This is—I can’t wait anymore. Come here.”
 
Remus licks his lips as he carefully slicks a large glob of lube over his
length and then lowers himself down, supporting himself on his elbow as he
presses the tip of his cock into the tight ring of Sirius’ muscle. It feels as
it did last night: impossible, then searingly blissful.
 
“I think I could come just from that face you’re making, now,” Sirius jokes,
his hand cupping Remus’ ass to pull him deeper.
 
“Don’t you fucking dare,” Remus responds with a grin, slowly sinking himself
all the way in. “Fuck,” he groans, biting Sirius’ neck, first softly, then a
bit harder than normal.
 
“This is lovely and all but you have to move. A lot. Right now,” Sirius begs,
craning his neck to expose more to Remus’ rough lips.
 
Remus pulls back and then dives back in, causing Sirius’ toes to curl. With
every thrust Sirius’ cock brushes against Remus’ stomach, the friction between
their sweaty skin making Sirius’ skin crawl with desire.
 
“Oh, God,” Sirius moans, digging his fingers in Remus’ back. Remus moves
evenly, sliding in and out, in and out, his breath gasping against Sirius’ neck
as he nibbles at it, just under his jaw. Sirius digs his nails into his back
wherever he can reach, clawing, desperate for an outlet for all the sensation
building up inside of him. “Remus—more,” he adds.
 
Remus bites his lip as he thrusts his hips forward faster now, pounding into
Sirius with fervor. His head swims with white hot pleasure.
 
“Fuck,” Sirius moans, thrusting his hips up to meet Remus’. “Remus,” he gasps.
His cock twitches between them as his cum spills onto both of their chests and
stomachs, sliding carelessly between them as Remus thrusts, seeking his own
release. Not long after, he finds it, Sirius biting lovingly at his neck where
his pulse pounds urgently.
 
When his hips still, the world is silent between them. Remus peeks shyly down
at Sirius, whose eyes glow with wonder.
 
“My god, you’re incredible,” Sirius tells him gently, reaching a hand to his
face to cradle his cheek, then pull him down for a sweet kiss.
 
“I love you,” Remus tells him bashfully, smiling wildly despite his soft tone.
 
“I love you to death,” Sirius responds, blue eyes shining. “You have no idea.”
 
After a moment, Remus forces himself out of bed to grab a couple wet washcloths
to clean themselves up. He watches with amazement as Sirius wipes drips of
Remus’ own cum away from the insides of his thighs.
 
“So is this some odd kink then?” Sirius asks with a smile, tossing their dirty
washcloths into the hamper. “Will you ask me to use a cane? Call me Mr. Black
in bed? Have a wank while I put in some dentures?”
 
Remus buries his head into a pillow to hide the blush spreading on his cheeks.
“Maybe that was the wrong time to say that,” he admits. “Felt good in the
moment.”
 
Sirius laughs, leaning in to kiss Remus’ shoulder. He pulls the blanket over
both of them and cuddles close. “Maybe. I don’t mind as much as you think I
would,” he admits, tracing his fingers over the ridge of Remus’ spine. “I get
where you’re coming from. For me, it’s like, I’ve never dated anyone that much
younger than me, and I wasn’t actively seeking someone underage out, and if god
forbid something happened to us, I wouldn’t go and look for another underage
guy. It just happened naturally. I guess it says something that I was okay with
it and even that I find it hot now that it’s happening, but as long as you’re
good, I’m good. Always remember that you promised to tell me if you were
uncomfortable.”
 
Remus turns his head, and his eyes connect immediately with Sirius’. Sirius
grins at the bright red splotching his cheeks. “You never make me feel anything
but safe and happy,” Remus promises. “Cane or no cane.”
 
Sirius laughs, leaning in to kiss Remus softly. Remus responds in kind, and
their lips meet, soft and brief.
 
“I have to go home,” Remus says reluctantly. “I wish I didn’t.”
 
“You are home,” Sirius says. His blue eyes glimmer.
 
“Home is wherever you are,” Remus admits, “But right now I have to go to the
shitty house where I live and go to bed all alone.”
 
“Just live here,” Sirius says nonchalantly, burying his head into Remus’ chest.
“With me. What could be the problem?”
 
Remus laughs and pushes him off so that he can sit up. “Christ, would I love to
wake up next to you in the morning, but somehow I feel that’s not a real offer.
Go to bed, love. I’ll text you when I get home.”
 
“Be safe,” Sirius urges, glancing up at him. Remus’ amber eyes swirl with
adoration when they look back down at him.
 
“If only to be able to see you again tomorrow,” he promises, getting out of bed
and pulling his pants back on. “I’m gonna go track down the rest of my clothes
and head home. Goodnight, sweetheart.”
 
Sirius blushes at the pet name, smiling as he watches Remus button his jeans.
“Goodnight, Remus. I love you,” he tells him. Remus dips down for one last
quick peck and then he is gone. The heavy, warm air he leaves behind lulls
Sirius right to sleep.
Chapter End Notes
     I actually decided that I want to start brainstorming a sequel to
     this story to see if I could come up with enough content to make it
     worth writing, so I asked my boyfriend if he had any ideas. He took a
     minute and then told me:
     “What if Remus’ mother remarries and his stepfather is… DUMBLEDORE?”
     So I suppose the jury’s still out on if I’ll come up with anything
     good
***** Chapter 22 *****
When a few more weeks have passed after Christmas Eve night,  the  night,
without incidence, Sirius finally allows himself to really feel the elation
that has been humming in the back of his mind. He feels absolutely electric
with joy; he rides to work carefree and makes chit chat with the customers and
helps Lily with final preparations in the nursery and it all floats by
wonderfully and seamlessly. Waking up next to Remus, both covered in dry sweat
and dry tears, lingers in the back of his mind every moment of every day.
Somehow, it makes everything feel fixed. Realistically he knows that Remus
still, well, has the parents that he has, and that he’s still much younger and
that these things both continue to be serious issues, but it’s hard to keep
those things in perspective with the dizzying effect of Remus telling him  he
loves him  and fucking him into his mattress on two separate occasions.
 
Lily and James have both been asking rather considerate questions about Remus
and their future, even with their singular focus on the child that is beyond
ready to burst out of Lily. He doesn’t feel like he has or needs any answers
beyond the fact that he is in love and loved in return.
 
Remus himself has been around more than ever. He goes everywhere with Sirius,
from running errands to work to James and Lily’s house. That’s Sirius’ favorite
part; he’s been spending a lot of time with him at James and Lily’s, and
they’ve all been bonding like one big family. Remus has even really gotten to
know Harry lately. Lily’s been cranky with her last month of pregnancy, and
Harry has felt pretty depressed about the whole situation, so having Remus
around paying special attention to him has helped a lot. He loves how
empathetic Remus is; he can always pinpoint exactly what it is that anyone in a
given situation needs. That has never been Sirius’ strong suit.
 
However, today, there’s been no sign of Remus. He hasn’t even texted him, which
he usually does every morning on his way to school. At 4:00, Remus still hasn’t
stopped by, and Sirius assumes by this point that he won’t be coming in. He’s
probably already home, or else he’s missed school entirely. Sirius feels a
different kind of worry this time, a kind that makes him angry rather than sad.
His mind immediately drifts to the idea that something happened with Remus’
parents, something so bad he can’t even text Sirius back or make it to school.
Even if they haven’t, he thinks, just the idea that it’s a very real
possibility makes him mad. Remus deserves the world; he deserves love and
safety and companionship and someone to talk to. He doesn’t deserve violence in
his own home.
 
Nevertheless, Lily is on bedrest, and James is home taking care of her, and
Olivia has a rare day off, so he has to stay and mind the shop and focus on
conversations with customers and making coffee. He tells himself that whatever
it is, it will be okay, that if it’s really bad, it’ll be the last time because
he’ll convince Remus he can’t live there anymore, he has to do something, and
that wherever Remus is right now, Sirius is probably in the back of his mind.
 
He manages to press himself for an hour through the cycle of anxious thoughts
swirling through his mind, cleaning and, when the occasional customer comes in,
running the blender and spraying cones of whipped cream atop drinks. Then his
phone rings, and when he reads the caller ID,  Remus , he steps towards the
back room to answer.
 
“Hi, are you okay?” He asks softly.
 
“Yeah,” Remus answers in a hurry. “Um, well, mostly. Can you promise me you
won’t panic?”
 
“There’s something to panic about?” Sirius asks, his voice breaking just
slightly.
 
“Sirius,” Remus says harshly and quickly, “I need you, and I need you to be
calm.”
 
“Okay, I’m here, always, what’s going on?” Sirius responds quickly but softly.
He wants to prove to Remus that he can be there for him without freaking out;
above all else, he wants to help him.
 
“I have some broken glass in my palms, and it’s kind of bleeding, and I think I
need a ride to the hospital. Do you think you can take me?”
 
“Of course,” Sirius says, and he’s already grabbing the drawer out of the
register to bring it into the back and lock it in the safe. “Where are you?
Tell me, I’ll be there in five minutes.”
 
Remus tells him the cross street, about three blocks from his house, and Sirius
quickly tells him he’ll be there as soon as he can. “Bring a clean towel, if
you can,” Remus says far too casually. Sirius feels his stomach turn, but he
agrees and hangs up right away so he can call James.
 
While the phone rings, he grabs a sheet of paper and a marker and scribbles out
a sign-- closed for the day, family emergency, sorry for the inconvenience --to
hang on the door.
 
“What’s up?” James answers.
 
“I need your car,” Sirius tells him. “And for you to come clean up here, if you
can. Remus--he needs me to take him to the hospital, and--”
 
“Yeah,” James says right away. “Yeah, I’ll be there in two minutes, I’m on my
way out the door now.”
 
“Thank you,” Sirius says, and then James hangs up. Sirius thanks god for his
best friend, his brother, who understands when he really needs him. Hd hangs
the sign on the door and locks it and then heads to the back to grab a towel
and a bottle of water from the walk in fridge.
 
In what Sirius knows to be record time, James’ car pulls up out front, and
Sirius unlocks the shop door and takes his steps two at a time towards the
driver’s seat.
 
“Thank you,” he says again, although it’s not enough, and he hands James his
motorcycle keys and James gives him the car keys.
 
“Let me know how he is,” James says, patting him on the back quickly before
heading inside.
 
Sirius gets in and makes a dangerous u-turn in the middle of the road, zipping
towards Remus’ house. They must’ve gotten off the phone ten minutes ago max. He
wonders how bad it is. Remus would never tell him if he was gushing all over
the sidewalk. He’d make it sound like a papercut just to keep Sirius from
worrying.
 
When he finally pulls onto the street, he immediately sees Remus standing
there, leaning against a neighbor’s fence. He’s got blood running down his
wrists and dripping onto his jeans and t-shirt and even the sidewalk, and his
face is a bit paler than Sirius knows to be normal, but he’s still upright.
Sirius curses under his breath and wills back any emotions as he parks against
the curb and leans over to pop the passenger side door open.
 
“Thank you,” Remus says weakly as he climbs in, and it sounds so stupid,  thank
you , with blood dripping onto James’ leather car seats.
 
“No,” Sirius says senselessly, handing Remus the towel. “Don’t worry about
getting blood on the car, I know you were,” he says as he whips away from the
curb, and he’s really less than half joking. Remus is going to need stitches at
least. He can imagine the doctors pulling shards of glass from Remus’ hands
with tweezers, and his stomach churns with anger.
 
“I’m sorry,” Remus says, “I--”
 
“Don’t you fucking dare. You’re not sorry. You’re asking for help. It’s okay.”
 
Remus stays silent, and Sirius doesn’t know if it’s because he’s scared or
lightheaded or crying or angry, because he can’t take his eyes off the road
when they’re driving this fast.
 
“I’m coming in,” Sirius says.
 
“What?” Remus asks. Sirius doesn’t hear tears in his voice, and he thanks god
for that. If Remus cries, he will too; he’s seen Remus cry exactly once ever,
and it wasn’t about his parents.
 
“I’m coming in with you. You’re going to need stitches, and I’m going to be
there,” Sirius insists, and Remus doesn’t protest. Scared, at least, then.
Normally, Remus would insist he’d be fine.
 
“It was my fault,” Remus whispers.
 
“No,” Sirius replies immediately. “Not at all. I don’t know what happened, but
I know that it wasn’t, because you were the one bleeding onto the fucking
sidewalk. But it’s okay. Whatever it is. We’re going to take care of it.”
 
Remus is silent again, and Sirius pulls into the main entrance to the hospital
parking lot. He digs into the center console for a wrapped straw and stuffs
that and the water bottle into his jacket pocket before hopping out of the car.
Remus actually does wait for him, thank god, and Sirius opens the door for him
and even helps him up.
 
“Your jacket--” Remus says as Sirius drapes Remus’ arm around his neck for
support.
 
“Don’t,” Sirius insists, and together they walk as quickly as Remus can manage
inside. Sirius explains the situation to the nurse at the desk so that Remus
doesn’t have to, and when she sees the white blood soaked towel wrapped around
Remus’ hands she instructs them to go through the double doors to their left
right away.
 
A nurse takes the bloody towel and gives Remus a fresh one, asking him a few
questions in a soft voice to check how aware he is. Enough blood loss to worry
her, then, Sirius notes, and his head swirls, not because of the metallic smell
in the air, but because he doesn’t want Remus to be hurt.
 
Everything is a blur, the questions and the nurse and the doctor and the table
Remus sits on, his hands dripping blood onto his jeans, and the painkillers the
nurse gives him in a tiny cup, and Sirius too late remembers the water he
bought for Remus and feels infectual. There’s rubbing alcohol that makes Remus
hiss and tweezers and one of those too-bright doctor lamps and a little light
shining in Remus’ eyes to check how fast his pupils dilate and a needle, just
like Sirius thought, and he rubs Remus’ back comfortingly. His muscles are
tense beneath his fingers.
 
It’s faster than Sirius would have thought, all in all. He’s never had stitches
himself, but James has, after football accidents in school, and it always made
him a bit sick to watch. Remus is so strong, stronger than himself, probably,
and Sirius again is grateful for the fact that they found each other. When the
doctor is done with the stitches and begins bandaging his palms up, the nurse
comes in with one of those plastic hospital cups of apple juice with the foil
lid and a straw, and she pokes it in and goes to hold it up for Remus, whose
hands are in no state to hold anything, but Sirius clears his throat.
 
“I got it,” he tells her, and she hands it to him, along with a smile and a
small pack of plain shortbread cookies and steps back out of the room into the
hectic hallway.
 
Remus blushes when Sirius holds the juice up for him, but Sirius really can’t
be fucked to care about irony in a situation like this. He would do absolutely
anything Remus needed him to, and if Remus’ hands are cut and he’s lost blood
and he’s pale, Sirius is sure as hell going to hold up some apple juice for him
to sip.
 
“Okay?” Sirius asks softly when Remus is done, and Remus nods, cheeks still
flushed, and Sirius goes back to rubbing his back lovingly.
 
The doctor holds the bandage on with some medical tape and lightly pats Remus’
hand. “You’ll be good as new in a couple weeks,” the doctor promises. “Or at
least, good as before but with a couple scars.”
 
Remus laughs at the doctor’s, in Sirius’ opinion, poor sense of humor and
thanks him for his help.
 
“You did lose a fair amount of blood,” the doctor warns. “Take it easy today
and tomorrow, drink a lot of juice, stay hydrated, make sure you’re eating, and
give yourself time. You’ll likely not have much energy for the next day or so.”
 
“Sounds good,” Remus says, and he looks tired, Sirius can tell. His eyes are
sunken in and his smile is dim. Even his hair looks dull with the pale color of
his face. “Thanks again.”
 
The doctor wishes him well and steps out of the room, and Sirius and Remus are
alone once again. Sirius helps him down from the table.
 
“Thank you,” Remus says again. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but really.”
 
“Always,” Sirius says firmly. “Always, sweetheart.”
 
Remus blushes again; it looks striking against his ghostly face. On their way
out, the woman at the reception desk tells them to have a nice day.
 
They walk to the car in silence. Remus feels broken next to him, just shattered
and held together by stitches and bandages, and Sirius pulls him close and
supports him with an arm around his waist. “I love you,” Sirius hums, finally
at ease. The bandages are staying the light brown color they’re supposed to,
not turning red, and when they get to the car, Sirius takes his jacket off and
lays it on the seat, inside facing up, so Remus doesn’t have to sit on the
bloody seat.
 
“Like it matters,” Remus huffs as Sirius helps him in. “The blood, I mean. I
love you too. That always matters.”
 
Sirius laughs softly, and Remus does too, both with an edge of anxiety, and
Sirius dips in to kiss him softly. He has a bit of dried blood on his chin; he
must’ve touched his face. Then he closes the door and walks around to climb in.
 
The ride is quiet for a few minutes. Sirius is again driving like a sensible
human being, and Remus has gone from scared to tired.
 
“It was a vodka bottle,” Remus says. Sirius is silent, so he continues, “I said
something stupid back to my dad, I didn’t think he’d hear, something about how
I wouldn’t have to deal with him after this year anyway, and he was shoving me
and screaming at me, and my mum was trying to get him to stop, and she threw
the closest thing--a pretty big vodka bottle--just as he shoved me down, and I
caught myself with my hands and the glass went right through my palms. They
were too in shock from the blood to stop me when I ran out of the house.”
 
“How in god’s name did you manage to call me?” Sirius asks, though he’s so glad
that he did, so very glad, and Remus finally cracks a real smile.
 
“Not fucking easily,” he says, “Thank god for lifeproof cases, I think my phone
would have water damage from the blood.”
 
“Christ,” Sirius says, and Remus stops smiling, slouching down in his seat. “I
worry.”
 
“Don’t,” Remus says softly. “I can take care of myself. And when I can’t, I can
call you.”
 
“What if next time I’m sleeping? Or I’m--I don’t even fucking know. You’d have
probably passed out on the sidewalk.”
 
“I’d have called an ambulance. Or James. Or an uber, and just given them a
really big tip and apologized for the blood,” Remus jokes.
 
“It’s not funny yet,” Sirius says, and Remus once again is silent. “You don’t
know what went through my mind when I didn’t hear from you all day.”
 
“I know,” Remus answers. “I know. It’s horrible. It’s a horrible feeling. But
what am I going to do? It’s life. I’m sorry it’s yours too.”
 
“I’m not,” Sirius tells him gently but firmly. “Not at all. I just don’t want
to see you get hurt. It’s not the stress that bothers me, or the responsibility
of helping you, or even the worry. It’s seeing you get hurt and the idea of
losing you. I love you.”
 
“I know,” Remus says again, then adds quietly, “I’m not ready to go home yet.”
 
“I wouldn’t let you,” Sirius assures him. They’re already heading for Sirius’
flat. He couldn’t bear to send Remus home, not when he can’t even use his hands
to defend himself, and Remus seems content with this.
 
“I can’t stay long,” Remus insists once they park.
 
“You’re staying until you feel safe going home,” Sirius replies firmly. He gets
out and walks around to help Remus again. Remus stands on his own this time,
but still looks a bit wobbly.
 
“I don’t know if you mean that,” Remus says as they walk across the tarmac. “My
parents might have another 30 years to go.”
 
“I’m glad you think it’s so funny,” Sirius says, and he feels childish, but he
was  worried , and it’s not a joke. If there’s ever been a time to be serious,
a person to be honest with, it’s here with him, now. He feels tense all over
his body with the idea that he can’t protect Remus from… anything, really, and
definitely not from ending up with shards of broken glass in his palms. They
step onto the elevator together.
 
“Sirius,” Remus says as if speaking to a small child. “It sucks. I didn’t think
it was funny when my dad was standing over me with a fist raised while my blood
spilled out onto the carpet. I didn’t think it was funny when I shoved my mum
out of the way to get away from his swinging arms.” The elevator door opens,
and Sirius’ heart feels tight as he leads Remus to his apartment door and puts
the key in. He wants anything but to hear this, to have it be true, but Remus
speaks so matter-of-factly about the whole situation. “I don’t particularly
think it’s funny now, but if I don’t laugh, I’ll go insane.”
 
“Jesus,” Sirius says, opening the door and holding it to let Remus in first.
“You always make things sound better than they are, don’t you?”
 
“I just don’t want you to freak out. It doesn’t feel as bad as it is. I’m numb
to it, almost. You shouldn’t feel like it’s worse than I do,” Remus tells him,
avoiding eye contact as he fidgets uncomfortably by the door. He probably needs
help getting his coat off, Sirius realizes, and that makes the whole fucking
thing worse.
 
“I was numb once, too. And I do, I do feel like it’s worse than you do,” he
says softly, stepping forward to help Remus out of his coat, one bandaged hand
at a time. “But I just feel helpless. And I never know when it’s going to  get
worse, and I might not be there, whenever that is. It’s horrible to know that
if I don’t hear from you for a day, you could be like, I don’t know,” he says,
because the numerous nightmares he’s had about it are all too difficult to
voice. He hangs Remus’ coat up and then turns around to pull him in for a hug.
 
“I know,” is all Remus says. Sirius rubs his back soothingly and kisses his
jawline.
 
“Come here,” Sirius says simply. His lips remain against Remus’ skin, and he
just breathes in deeply, trying to soak up Remus’ scent. It instantly relaxes
him.
 
“You’ve already got me in a death grip,” Remus jokes.
 
“I mean here. This apartment. Come live here with me.”
 
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Remus says softly. He turns to nuzzle into Sirius’ hair,
pressing a kiss to his temple.
 
“I’m not,” Sirius replies, but he knows Remus isn’t going to agree, just like
he hasn’t each time in the past. He finally, reluctantly, pulls away from their
embrace, continuing his valiant but inevitably, ultimately futile attempt. “I
know we’re only coming up on five months but I’m ready for that step. It’s okay
if you’re not--”
 
“It’s not that,” Remus says, looking down at his bandaged hands. Sirius can
just see the fringe of his hair hanging in his face and the slope of his nose.
He never lets Sirius see his eyes when he’s uncomfortable; if he could see
them, he’d be able to tell what it is, then. He’s always good at doing
that—reading Remus’ thoughts through his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about this
right now.”
 
“It’s always here, always an option,” Sirius says, softly but firmly. Remus is
still inspecting the ace bandage the doctor wrapped around his stitches. He’s
probably tired, Sirius thinks suddenly. When Sirius was younger and things like
this happened, he always felt exhilarated after, like he wanted to go out and
do something insane. Remus is not like him, though, not in this regard, and
Sirius knows him just as well as his younger self, if not better. “Do you want
to sleep?”
 
Remus looks up at him now. His eyes still have that exhausted, shaken,  sad
look in them, but he looks relieved to hear the suggestion. “I really do. I
might need, um, help, with my jeans.”
 
“I am always willing to help take your pants off, Remus,” Sirius jokes, leading
Remus into his room with a hand on the small of his back. He’s afraid to touch
his hands, his wrists, his arms. Remus is acting fine, but he bets it hurts
like hell. Nothing is fine, not the gashes in his palms nor the way they
happened nor the atmosphere between them now, as Remus refuses to acknowledge
this. But persisting will get him nowhere, and right now he just wants Remus to
feel safe and comfortable. “You don’t even have to ask.”
 
“I have bad news for you and your new favorite activity,” Remus says dryly.
Sirius bends down to untie Remus’ shoes.
 
“My favorite activity is anything that involves spending time with you, so I
think I’ll be fine,” Sirius says softly as he loosens the laces. “And quit
making that face, you’re bothered by all the wrong parts of this.”
 
“I just,” Remus answers just as delicately, toeing off his shoes as Sirius
unbuckles his belt, “It’s hard, to let myself be taken care of in general, but
especially by you. Like I’m a sick little kid, or I’m in trouble and I’m
talking to the school counselor, or, or like I’m Harry and I don’t know how to
tie my shoes so you’re doing it for me.”
 
“Now you’re the one being ridiculous,” Sirius tells him with a glance upward.
Their eyes meet, and Remus’ face instantly softens. “I don’t think of it like
that at all, and neither should you. If I was hurt and I couldn’t use my hands,
you’d do the same for me.”
 
“I know,” Remus replies. Sirius pulls his jeans down and Remus helps him, and
the whole thing just feels so mortifying to Remus no matter how much he tries
to suppress the feeling. “Sometimes it feels like it’s not there and sometimes
it’s hard to forget.”
 
“It is there,” Sirius tells him, helping him into bed and under the blanket.
“Of course it is. There’s no use denying it, but there’s no use building it up
in your head, either.” Remus watches him silently. His eyes are mostly empty,
just full of emotional exhaustion. Sirius unlaces his boots and kicks them
carelessly into the corner, taking off his own jeans to crawl in bed next to
Remus. “I love you,” he tells those despondent eyes, barely audible, “Not in
spite of the fact that you’re 17. Not because you’re 17. Just because you’re
you, you’re 17 year old Remus.”
 
Remus looks like he might have cried if he hadn’t been so exhausted. “Thank
you,” is all he says, for the millionth time that night, and Sirius has run out
of protests. He just leans in and kisses him tenderly.
 
“Get some rest, sweetheart,” he tells him. “I’ll be here when you wake up, and
I’ll help you with—everything. Whatever it is.”
 
Remus nods with understanding, and adjusts to make himself as comfortable as
possible without disturbing his hands too much.
 
                                    ******
                                        
The room is dark when Sirius opens his eyes again. There’s a horribly loud
noise, much, much too jingly and jolly for the rage Sirius feels at its
intrusion. He scrambles out of bed to look for his phone.
 
“Why,” Remus grumbles sleepily from the bed.
 
“I’m sorry,” Sirius tells him softly, “Go back to sleep, love.”
 
He slips out of the room with his phone.  James . He’s almost too exhausted to
be annoyed.
 
“Hello?”
 
“Sirius,” James says frantically, and in the split second after, all Sirius can
think is that he doesn’t have the energy for any more Situations. “You need to
be here, it’s time, babysitter is coming, Lily and I are on the way,” he says,
all in one breath. Sirius can hardly make out his words through the monstrous
screaming in the background.
 
“Baby?” is all Sirius can ask. He feels so many emotions that all he can really
feel is overwhelmed. He thinks he may cry, but he doesn’t have time.
“Hospital?”
 
“Yes!!” James yells back, and then the line is dead.
 
“Shit,” Sirius says. He thinks of Remus’ thin body huddled under the blankets
and Lily, big and round and screaming, and James, sweaty and nervous as he
grips the steering wheel until his fingertips are white, and himself, standing
of the middle of it all. “Fuck.”
 
Pushing his way back into the bedroom, he kneels down next to the bed, by
Remus’ pillow. “I hate to do this, but you have to wake up, my dear,” he tells
him. He’s excited, he realizes now, but he’s also a lot of other things.
“Lily’s having the baby.”
 
Remus sits up at once, so Sirius turns the lamp on his nightstand on and begins
putting his jeans back on. “Now?” he asks stupidly, blinking in the sudden
light.
 
“So it appears,” Sirius confirms. “You can stay if you want. If you need to.
But I’d like it if you came,” he adds, tilting his head.
 
Remus nods without thinking, then winces as he places weight on his palms
trying to stand. Sirius sees in his face as it floods back to him all at once.
 
“I have clothes you can borrow for sure,” he says quickly, digging through his
dresser for his biggest pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. “I know, I know, I’m
so short, but I should have something that’ll fit you,” he reassures, emerging
with a small stack of clothes. “Hands over your head.”
 
“Christ,” Remus complains, but he does as he’s told, and Sirius pulls his shirt
off and replaces it with a plain black one that isn’t quite as covered in blood
stains. Sirius helps him up and then into his sweatpants, and then yes, he does
have to tie Remus’ shoes for him.
 
“Your feet are way bigger than Harry’s,” Sirius says with a smile, and Remus
only kind of laughs. He quickly laces up his boots and pulls on a thick, cozy
sweatshirt from the boarding school he, James, and Lily attended, which he’s
sure both Lily and James will mock him for in god knows how long when Lily’s
back to her tiny self and the baby is out and crying and James’ forehead
wrinkle is gone for the first time in months. By the door, he helps Remus with
his coat and then grabs James’ car keys.
 
“I quite enjoy having a roof and, like, a door and a seatbelt when we go
places,” Remus tells him as they climb in the elevator.
 
“It’s fuck o’clock and I don’t need your snark right now,” Sirius complains,
but he does, he loves it, he always will. “I’ve actually been thinking of
buying a car.”
 
Remus looks surprised. “Really? Not because of me, is it?”
 
“Not entirely,” Sirius reassures him as they step out of the elevator. He holds
the front door open for Remus, who rolls his eyes even though he really does
need the help. “Because of Harry and the baby, mostly. I want to take them
places without having to worry about borrowing James or Lily’s car.”
 
“That’s nice,” Remus tells him, mostly ignoring the fact that Sirius has to
open the car door for him and help him with his seatbelt.
 
“And I thought I’d teach you how to drive,” he says just before shutting the
door. When he comes around to the driver’s side, Remus looks predictably,
although only mildly, annoyed. “And I don’t want to hear it, because I know
your parents sure as hell didn’t teach you, and you’re gonna have to drive to
class next year.”
 
Remus sighs and says nothing, just stares silently into the darkness outside
his window. Sirius turns up the radio because he really can’t handle any more
emotions right now, and he suspects Remus feels the same. He drives to the
hospital for the second time today, zipping through the mostly empty streets.
They get there sooner than he’d have thought.
 
“Are you mad?” Remus asks suddenly as he parks.
 
“No,” Sirius answers, glancing over at Remus with honest eyes as he shifts into
park. “No, not at all, I understand why you’re being... short, I’m exhausted
too, especially because we’re about to spend the next god knows how long under
fluorescent lighting and the smell of antibacterial soap, but I’m not mad.”
Remus looks relieved, and Sirius leans in to kiss him before turning to get out
of the car.
 
He helps Remus out as quickly as he can, and they both dash across the parking
lot. It hits Sirius all at once, that  the baby is coming , and he feels so
full to the brim with emotions that they start to spill over and he just begins
laughing.
 
“Why do you have to choose this moment to lose your mind?” Remus asks, and that
only makes him laugh harder, and then Remus starts laughing too, and Sirius
agrees, they probably both look absolutely insane, but he feels happy despite
all of the shit he’s always wading through to get there. He’s in love, and he
has a wonderful godchild and another on the way and two lovely best friends and
there’s about to be a  new baby,  and no one can take any of that away from
him, no one.
 
When they step into the lobby, James is shouting frantically at a nurse and
Lily is sitting in a wheelchair, and she gives them both a  look  so fierce
they both immediately stop laughing, and Sirius mentally prepares himself for a
long, long night.
***** Chapter 23 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Three weeks later, Sirius cannot remember what the world sounds like without a
constant, shrieking cry drowning everything out. He hazily recalls Remus
whispering things to him and actually being able to hear and understand him, or
the sound of Remus snoring lightly next to him, or really just sleeping in
general. Those were nice things. Sirius liked those thing.
 
Lily rushes in so quickly that Sirius feels a breeze blow through the room when
she scoops the baby out of his arms. “Can you try to be helpful?” she asks
angrily, rocking the baby gently in her arms.
 
It’s hard to take her seriously with thick eyeliner on only one eye. “I have no
power over this baby. She hates me. Harry used to giggle when I held him.
Giggle! This monster just  screams .”
 
“Harry didn’t giggle when he was less than a month old,” Lily insists. She
sniffs at the baby, pauses, and then deems the diaper clean. She continues
rocking. “Believe me, Sirius, sometimes I feel like strangling her, but she’s
slept, I’ve seen it, I know it’s possible.”
 
The baby wails loudly. Sirius plans on investing in a nice pair of ear plugs.
“Not enough. I thought babies were supposed to sleep like 22 hours a day.”
 
“I think you’re thinking of koalas,” Lily says, cracking a smile finally. She
kisses the baby’s forehead gently, and then settles down in the rocking chair
by the window. “Come here,” she tells him.
 
Sirius steps closer. Her face is all bright red and scrunched and angry; she’s
so cute when she’s sleeping, but now his head is throbbing with pain from the
noise far too much to think she’s cute.
 
“Help me think,” Lily pleads, inspecting the baby’s face. “When did she start
crying? I  just  fed her. Were you doing something? Or maybe she’s just cold,”
she suggests, reaching in to feel the baby’s face. A tiny hand grabs her pinky.
 
Sirius grins. “She has a little hair wrapped around her finger,” he says,
leaning in to carefully pull it away. Her little white finger slowly begins
turning pink again, and the wailing ceases, miraculously.
 
“A black hair,” Lily observes, shooting him a look.
 
“Yeah,” Sirius says, scooping the baby back up. “It must’ve fallen off of your
overworked free babysitter.” The baby makes a small babbling sound, staring up
at his face. “See!! Emmy agrees with me.”
 
Lily sighs longsufferingly. “I’m going to go back inside, and I’m going to put
on the rest of my make-up, and I’m going to pretend my daughter has a different
name, and then I’m going to enjoy a blissful few hours in a restaurant full of
only adults, and you can’t make me upset.”
 
“I thought you were bringing James,” Sirius laughs, and the baby squeals
happily, too, and Lily just shakes her head at them.
 
“I can’t believe she’s already picking up your horrid sense of humor,” Lily
scolds. The doorbell rings downstairs, and Lily smiles. “Oh, good, someone to
keep you entertained. Maybe I can actually finish getting ready.”
 
“Go, then, get to work on the other eye,” Sirius teases over his shoulder,
heading for the stairs, “You look crazy.”
 
“Be careful with her,” Lily yells down at him. Emmy gurgles in Sirius’ arms.
 
“Are you excited to see Uncle Remus?” he coos at her. “Last time he held you,
you were all fresh and gooey and gross.” She stares up at him blankly.
 
“It should be unlocked,” he calls. He’s sure in a few weeks he’ll be holding
her with one hand and doing all kinds of reckless stuff with her, but she still
seems too new and delicate for that. The door creaks open, and Remus steps in,
gently shutting it behind him.
 
“Hey,” he greets with a smile. “You look great. When’s the last time you
slept?”
 
“We don’t need your snark,” Sirius protests, bouncing the baby in his arms
until she smiles. “We haven’t had time for sleeping, we’ve been too busy…
bonding.”
 
Remus laughs. “I’m sure. Did that bonding happen to include any crying? Only
I’ve been sent about 3,000 snapchats of this one wailing. I’m not sure she does
anything else.”
 
“She eats,” Sirius adds. “And poops. I’ve heard she sleeps, but I’m unconvinced
on that one.”
 
Remus eyes her suspiciously.
 
“Come upstairs,” Sirius says, nodding behind him. “I’ve been waiting for like
three hours, I have to imagine one of these days she’ll give up and actually
fall asleep.”
 
Remus tails him up the stairs. “I don’t get the thought process that goes into
actually wanting a baby.”
 
“Well,” Sirius says, leading him into the nursery. “To be fair, they do get
better with age. Like a fine wine, or a good cheese.” Remus shakes his head at
Sirius’ joke but says nothing. Sirius carefully lowers himself onto the floor,
sitting cross legged. Remus sits across from him gingerly, and Sirius holds the
baby out. “Do you want to hold her?”
 
“Um,” Remus says, nervously glancing down at the baby and then back up at
Sirius’ eyes. “Sure.”
 
“Just make sure you support her head, and it’ll be fine,” Sirius reassures him,
easing Emmy into his arms. “There you go.”
 
“Hi,” Remus tells her, reaching a hand in to touch her cheek. She wraps her
hand around his finger and blinks up at his face. “Aw, that’s my finger,” he
says with a smile, “what are you going to do with that?”
 
“She just started doing that,” Sirius tells him, grinning helplessly. “Look how
tiny her fingers are!”
 
Remus leans in to inspect her tiny little fingers and her tiny little
fingernails. “You’re so small,” he tells her. She smacks her lips at him. “And
so pink. Much cuter than last time I saw you.”
 
“I love her,” Sirius says, eyes shining with infatuation.
 
“She can’t even do much,” Remus says, still looking into her little blue eyes.
“She’s just staring at me.”
 
“She’s learning what people’s faces look like,” Sirius explains, laying down on
his stomach. He props himself up on his elbows, face inches away from the
baby’s. “Imagine how curious you’d be if everything in the whole world was
new.”
 
Remus’ eyes drift from the baby’s to Sirius’. “You want one,” he teases.
 
“One day,” Sirius agrees. “I’m definitely not ready to do all of this by
myself.”
 
Remus’ eyebrows furrow at him. “You’re not alone.”
 
Sirius glances up from the baby now, looking into Remus’ eyes with a smile. “I
didn’t mean anything by that. You know I love you with everything in me, but
you don’t know anything about babies.”
 
“One day,” Remus repeats, looking down at Emmy again. “Do you want a little
cousin?” he asks her. “When you’re bigger, you can show them all kinds of
stuff, if you’re half as smart as your brother,” he says, and she coos happily
up at him in response.
 
“She likes you,” Sirius tells him.
 
Remus looks up at Sirius, unimpressed. “Maybe we can try a puppy first.”
 
Sirius laughs and sits up to take Emmy back.
 
Twenty minutes later, Lily and James come in to check on Emmy, all dressed up.
 
“Hey, we’re about to head out,” Lily says softly. Remus and Sirius both look
up, and Emmy’s eyes half open at the sound of her mother’s voice.
 
“You look beautiful,” Remus tells her right away, and while Sirius rarely ever
sees Lily that way, he has to admit it’s true. She’s wearing a black halter
dress with a plunging neckline that’s tight until just beneath her breasts,
when it flows out, lacy and feminine, down to just above her knees. She’s also
wearing heels for the first time since god knows when. It occurs to Sirius that
she hasn’t gotten to have really any kind of romantic interaction with James
like this in, well, nine months. James eyes her adoringly, hands tucked
modestly into the pockets of his dress pants.
 
“Thank you,” she tells him with a smile. “It’s good to not feel like a beached
whale anymore. Speaking of which, take good care of her, I spent nine miserable
months carrying her around. There’s bottles of milk in the fridge, just make
sure you warm--”
 
“Lily,” Sirius interrupts, rocking the baby gently to calm her down. She’s
begun to notice all of the commotion in the room and is resisting her heavy
eyelids. “I know what to do. We’ll be fine.”
 
“Harry’s upstairs on his computer, make sure he gets off for dinner later. Be
careful,” she repeats again. James takes her hand and pulls, giving her a look.
“I love you,” she says in general. To the baby, probably, Remus thinks, but
also to Sirius.
 
“We’ll be back in a few hours,” James tells them as Lily starts down the
stairs, taking one last glance at Emmy’s face. “She looks tired, it might be
time for a nap.”
 
“I swear to god, the two of you,” Sirius says, laughing. “It’s fine, I’ve got
it, get out.”
 
“Okay, okay,” James says with a grin, pulling the door shut as he steps out.
“We’ll be back.”
 
“Shhh,” Sirius says to the baby, and her eyes immediately begin drifting shut
again. He carefully stands and sets her down in her crib.
 
“They were right,” Remus says softly, “she does sleep.”
 
“And she’s adorable when she does,” Sirius agrees, stepping back to shut the
lights off. He grabs the baby monitor and nods out into the hallway, and Remus
follows him out of the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.
 
“It’s weird,” Remus says, alone with Sirius now. Sirius smiles and leads him
downstairs, where he opens the door to the guest bedroom off of the living
room. Sirius’ things are everywhere inside; there’s an empty duffel bag on the
floor, and from what Remus can see, he’d guess it exploded everywhere. “When’s
the last time you went home?” Remus asks before Sirius can answer his first
question.
 
“Uh. Three weeks ago, about,” Sirius replies with a cheeky smile, diving onto
the bed and pulling the covers over himself. “God, it feels good to lay down on
a real bed.” He holds his arm out, so Remus slips his shoes off and crawls into
bed with him. “Anyway, what exactly is weird? The baby? The name ‘Euphemia’?
The way my shirt looks with baby puke stains on it?”
 
Remus laughs, “I mean, all of the above, I guess, but I was going to say, like.
The creation of life. Really puts things in perspective when you realize
everyone used to be all pink and wriggly. And what the fuck is Euphemia?”
 
“Emmy,” Sirius says, laughing as realization dawns on Remus’ face. He shifts,
adjusting his elbow where it sinks into the bed, propping himself up over
Remus.“It was Mrs. Potter’s first name. Lily is… not happy.”
 
“Poor kid,” Remus says. Sirius has been here long enough that the bed smells
like him, and it’s welcoming after the odd baby powder smell of the nursery.
“I’ve missed you,” he adds.
 
“Me too,” Sirius agrees, leaning in to kiss him at last. “You’re much better
company than Emmy.”
 
“I bet. I mean, for one, I talk,” Remus teases. Sirius’ hand brushes up his
back, under his jumper, and he shivers just slightly. “I never thought I’d be
jealous of a baby,” he adds, peeking his brown eyes up at Sirius’.
 
Sirius laughs, pulling Remus closer into him and kissing the top of his head.
“What exactly are you jealous of? I’ll sing you lullabies if you’d like, you
just usually get testy about that sort of thing.”
 
Remus rolls his eyes at Sirius, pulling the blanket tighter around them self-
consciously. “You’re just so focused on her,” he says. “I’ve hardly seen you
since she was born.”
 
“I’m sorry,” Sirius says genuinely. “Things have been crazy, they’ve really
needed my help. James just hired another person for the shop so he and Lily can
both be home most of the time, so he’s been busy doing interviews. I was
planning on going home tonight, actually,” he admits, bringing his hand up to
play with Remus’ hair. “I figured if we were going to spend Valentine’s Day
babysitting, you should at least get me for the night.”
 
Remus blushes bright red. “The night?” he asks. His eyes glaze over as he looks
into Sirius’.
 
Sirius grins wickedly. “Yeah,” he agrees, “If you’d like. There are some…
things I’ve been dying to do with you, if your hands feel well enough. You
might need them quite a bit.”
 
Remus groans, burying his head into Sirius’ chest to hide his red face. Sirius
laughs and rubs his shoulders, whatever he can reach, soothingly.
 
“And I thought maybe I could get you tomorrow too and we could go out. I think
we deserve a Valentine’s date, don’t you?” Sirius asks with a smile.
 
Time, as long as Remus has known it, has had a tendency to pass by in odd ways,
days to seconds to sometimes whole months, even, flowing by in irregular, often
unnoticed, ways. He sometimes feels as though there is this bit deep inside
him, something vivacious that really  feels  in a way the rest of him doesn’t,
that will put its head down and pick it back up months later to find, with
surprise, that the calendar pages have turned. That something wakes up now and
surges through his blood with renewed vigor. “That sounds lovely,” Remus
agrees, reaching up to tuck Sirius’ hair behind his ear. “I’ve been dying to
wake up next to you again.”
 
Sirius tilts his head questioningly. His captivating blue eyes never leave
Remus’. Remus feels, as Sirius spends an inordinate amount of time Looking at
him, something alive inside himself remind him, as he so often forgets, that it
is there, and the bed beneath him and the arms around him and the eyes gazing
at him are all real. “You are, of course, welcome to stay over anytime you
like, but are you sure it’s okay?”
 
“No,” Remus admits honestly, taking Sirius’ hand from its place on his hip to
lace their fingers together tightly. “But I’ve missed you, and I’d like to do
it anyway.”
 
Sirius’ face breaks out into an enormous grin. “Should I be discouraging you?
Only I really don’t know if I can manage, considering how much I’ve been
wanting that too.”
 
“No, I’d prefer you didn’t,” Remus says easily, turning his head just so.
Sirius may be right, his shirt may have spit up stains, but it still smells
mostly like Sirius, a dizzying, powerful thing.
 
Sirius hums, slinging a leg casually over Remus’, just so that they can touch a
bit more. “Where do you want to go?” he asks. Remus marvels at the fact that
Sirius is not questioning him about all of the implications—what will his
parents say? Will they be mad? Should he be worrying? Remus, for once, refuses
to concern himself with any of these things.
 
“Well,” he says, “Not anywhere too nice, I don’t really feel like going back
home to get something to wear.” He has a change of clothes at Sirius’ now; last
time he went to Sirius’ flat (which, despite Sirius’ exaggerations, was
definitely after the baby was born), he brought a few things with him, a nice
pair of jeans and two sweaters and some spare boxers and socks,  so he’s
prepared next time , he’d joked, and Sirius had gladly given him an empty
drawer in his dresser. Something about having spare socks at Sirius’ feels
terribly lovely.
 
Sirius makes a small, happy noise of understanding. Remus thinks he may be half
asleep. “D’y’know,” he says suddenly, sluggish but awake yet, “I’ve really been
looking into getting a car. I don’t know much about them, really, though. I
went to a BMW lot the other day, just to have a look, and the salesman showed
me convertibles for about half an hour before I realized that probably wasn’t
exactly a safe family car.”
 
Remus laughs, kissing Sirius’ shoulder, just because it’s what’s in front of
him. “I know you love to drip punk sex appeal, but I think your difficulty may
lie in looking for that from a so-called family car.”
 
“How am I to keep you in the manner to which you’ve become accustomed in some
ugly silver SUV with a television in the backseat that comes pre-installed with
Finding Nemo?” Sirius asks with a grin.
 
“Well, I think it’d probably be Finding Dory, rather, but still. I think you’re
overthinking this. You don’t have to get rid of the motorbike,” Remus remind
him.
 
Sirius sighs, slipping his hand from Remus’ and up his jumper in a very nearly
seductive manner. It rests on his left rib, inches from his sensitive nipple.
“No, but I’ll hardly use it anymore. Half the time I go anywhere, I’m either
leaving my flat with you or taking you back with me, and I know you don’t like
riding it much.”
 
“You’ll be pleased to know that the sight of you on that bike sends my blood
rushing south every time,” Remus teases. Sirius’ ears turn red at the tops, but
he smiles soppily regardless. “Though I do still feel like it’s a death trap
when I’m on it myself.”
 
“You always know how to make me feel better,” Sirius says. His features, as
always, are striking; from his sharp, attractive nose to his pouty lips,
surrounded on the left by a small gleaming ring of metal, to his shapely,
expressive black eyebrows, Remus finds him perfectly gorgeous.
 
There is a knock, then, tentative and quiet, at the bedroom door. Sirius breaks
out into a full on grin as he removes his hand from under Remus’ sweater. “Get
in here, kid,” he calls.
 
The door pushes open, and Harry steps in, seating himself on the foot of the
bed to face them. “Hi, Remus,” he says with a smile, politeness most definitely
taught to him by his mother.
 
“Hello,” Remus says, smiling, friendly. “How’s your new laptop treating you?”
 
“Brilliant,” Harry says. His smile, now, is genuine and childlike rather than
well-mannered. “Although, while it does keep me entertained, I still need to be
fed,” he says, shoving Sirius’ leg from its perch atop Remus’ playfully.
 
“As long as you don’t spit up on me, I’ve had enough of that for today,” Sirius
says with a grin. “What do you want? Your mum told me you’re to have whatever
you’d like, no expenses spared.”
 
Harry’s eyes light up. “Pizza?” he asks.
 
So of all things, the three of them spend Valentine’s night around the Potter’s
kitchen table, eating a cheese pizza. Harry is delighted with his dinner
choice, appropriately so, but so is Sirius, perhaps more indecently. Still,
Remus loves him, his immature affinity for plain stale pizza and all.
 
Despite his ever present grin and lighthearted banter with Harry, Remus can
tell he is deeply and truly exhausted. After dinner, Harry scrambles back
upstairs before he is asked to clean anything. Sirius gets up and begins to
gather the garbage from around the table, but Remus takes it from him.
 
“You need a nap,” Remus says definitively.
 
“I am well and truly aware,” Sirius notes, pressing a kiss to Remus’ lips. He
tastes like bland tomato sauce.
 
“Tell me how to feed the baby.”
 
Sirius blinks at him. Remus, under scrutiny, becomes uncomfortable and
continues gathering plates and cups. He dumps them into the garbage.
 
“What?” Sirius asks at last.
 
“Like, what do I do? I’m not completely clueless, I know you’re supposed to
warm the bottle and all, but how, and is there—”
 
Sirius grins, suddenly, and cuts him off. “You want to take care of Emmy so I
can sleep,” he realizes.
 
“Gorgeous as you are,” Remus tells him, tearing the pizza box in half and then
folding it so that it can fit in the trash bin. “You look like death. And I’m
sure it can’t be that bad, so quit torturing me with all those domestic
fantasies dancing about in your eyes and tell me.”
 
Sirius shows him, the bottle in the fridge and the amount of time it has to go
in the microwave and how to test that it’s the right temperature, against the
back of your hand, and then mimes the baby and the proper angle and even the
burping bit, which makes Remus realize he’s as good as signed up to have
matching puke stains with Sirius.
 
“Thank you,” Sirius tells him tenderly, leaning in for a kiss. “You’re so
sweet.”
 
“Well,” Remus says, flushing slightly, “You look as if you’re about to pass
out, and I want you to be well rested for, well. I believe I was promised
something, later tonight?”
 
“Don’t think any amount of sleep deprivation could keep me from that,” Sirius
says, voice husky as he kisses Remus’ jaw wetly. “Don’t worry about waking me
up if you have to.”
 
After that, Sirius goes upstairs to take a shower. Remus sits on the couch to
watch TV and listen to the water run upstairs; when Sirius comes back down, he
thanks Remus again and gives him a small kiss before going into the guest room
to sleep.
 
Remus is sometimes surprised at the things that loving Sirius makes him do;
he’s always thought he’d hated babies, but here he is, offering to feed one and
possibly change its diaper, even, for Sirius, to let him sleep but also because
he  likes  babies, inexplicably, so Remus feels it’s his responsibility to
learn to like them too.
 
Sometimes that worries him, that Sirius wants children one day, and he feels a
wave of internalized guilt wash over him like a bad habit for keeping Sirius
from what makes him happy. Sirius, however, seems more than happy to wait,
however long it takes, and Remus definitely cannot rule out wanting children
himself one day, especially with Sirius’ strangely instinctual nurturing
tendencies. It’s still off putting to him, sometimes, that someone is willing
to make sacrifices for him.
 
It’s nearly 8:30 when the baby monitor begins emitting horrible shrieking
cries. He’d nearly dozed off in front of the TV, but his eyes snap awake at the
sudden noise. Upstairs, Emmy’s diaper smells fine, so he heads back downstairs,
following Sirius’ instructions for heating up the milk. It’s so weird, he
thinks once again, the whole thing, Lily having sat down early today
undoubtedly to pump breast milk for this purpose, and the whole thing makes him
feel oddly queasy. Regardless, with a bit of effort, he gets Emmy to drink the
milk and then she seems satisfied, so he rocks her back to sleep. There’s
something kind of satisfying about it, though, he has to admit, once her eyes
have dropped closed and her breathing has slowed.
 
Once she’s back sleeping in her crib, he goes back downstairs to find James and
Lily hanging their coats up by the door.
 
“Hi,” Lily greets, face lighting up as she sees Remus. “How was Emmy?” and
then, eyebrows pressing together with confusion as she slips her heels off,
“Where’s Sirius?”
 
“Sirius passed out a couple hours ago, I don’t think he could keep his eyes
open anymore,” Remus tells her with a smile. James claps him on the back in
greeting as he moves past to sprint up the stairs; Remus doesn’t have time to
respond, so he just turns back to Lily. “And Emmy was great, she actually slept
most of the time you were gone. I just fed her,” he says, holding the half full
baby bottle up as evidence.
 
Lily quirks an eyebrow. “Didn’t know you knew anything about babies,” she says
with a knowing grin. She leads him into the kitchen, and nods for him to sit
down as she puts a kettle on the stove.
 
“Sirius showed me what to do before he went to sleep. I offered, he looked as
if he might’ve been about to die,” Remus admits, putting the baby bottle back
into the fridge. “How was your dinner?”
 
“Good,” Lily replies simply. She takes a few mugs out from the closet and sets
a teabag in each. She looks tired, too, but happy; everything about her glows,
and it’s not just the tipsiness Remus can see resting high in the red tinge to
her cheekbones. She sits down next to him at the table once she’s done. “I
wanted to talk to you,” she says kindly.
 
“Sure,” Remus says. He pulls nervously at his sleeves. Lily is too sweet, he
knows he shouldn’t be anxious, but sometimes it still makes him feel
apprehensive to be treated like an adult like that, like them. She smiles at
him understandingly.
 
“How are things going?”
 
Remus tilts his head curiously. “Good,” he says slowly, cautiously. “I got
acceptance letters from a few unis already, and, you know, with Sirius—things
are great.”
 
Lily smiles comfortingly, sensing his uneasiness. “I don’t mean to pry, it’s
just, I was wondering. He’s, of course, all openly affectionate but you’re not
like that, so I was wondering,” she repeats. “He  adores  you, talks about you
like he’s planning a proposal any day now.”
 
Remus feels the heat rise to his cheeks at that; he loves Sirius, but to hear
Lily talk about their relationship in that way is, for some reason, shocking.
“Well, like I said… things are great.”
 
“It’s just,” she says, leaning back to pull her loose curls up into a bun. She
looks nervous herself, now. “I don’t mean any offense by this, or anything at
all, really, but I think he forgets that you’re in different places, you know?
He’d never admit to it, if I asked, but I don’t know if he’s communicated to
you how—well, how committed he is. Because it’s not fair, objectively, for him
to expect you to be ready for that, I think. I worry about him; I don’t want
him to get hurt.”
 
“Lily,” he says softly. “I think I have a pretty good understanding of how
Sirius feels, whether he’s said so directly or not. We’re on the same page, the
two of us. I know, maybe, what I want is different than what most guys my age
would want, but if Sirius  did  propose to me any day now, I’d say yes. In a
heartbeat. We’ve talked about it before. We haven’t exactly made plans, but I
know that… it’s something we both sincerely want.”
 
Lily regards him with a strange look in her eyes. It takes him a long moment to
realize that it’s respect, respect for himself and his maturity. He’s not sure
anyone’s ever looked at him like that before. “I’m glad. You make him
different, but in the best way,” she hums happily. Her discomfort has vanished
with his kind candor. “I had something else that I wanted to talk to you
about.”
 
“What’s that?” he asks. The kettle whistles, and she stands to pour their tea.
 
“How do you like yours?” she asks politely, spooning a bit of sugar into her
cup.
 
“Two sugars,” he tells her. “Why’ve you gone all quiet? What is it?”
 
She smiles, bringing their tea back to the table. “Be patient, it’s nothing
bad,” she tells him, setting his cup down in front of him. “We’re planning to
do Emmy’s christening when she’s about eight weeks. Sirius, of course, is going
to be her godfather, but James and I were wondering… if you’d like to, as well?
It’s no pressure, we won’t be offended if you say no, and we don’t really care
about the whole religious bit—we’re not very religious ourselves.”
 
“Lily,” he answers with a grin, watching the blush on her cheek deepen its hue,
“Of course. I’d love to.”
 
She beams at him, and then pulls him in for a tight hug. “I’m so glad,” she
says. It takes him a moment to hug back in his surprise, but if she notices,
she doesn’t say anything. “We want you to be part of the family.”
 
He feels his chest swell with something thick and warm as she pulls away. He’s
about to thank her, but just then, James comes into the kitchen, having changed
out of his dress clothes, making a face like he’s just smelled something awful.
 
“When we decided to have another baby, I’d forgotten about the diapers,” he
tells Lily, turning on the sink to wash his hands. “Horrible. How does
something so tiny make such horrid smells?”
 
Lily laughs, swishing her tea around as she watches James dry his hands. “Remus
agreed to be Emmy’s godfather,” she tells him happily.
 
“Oh yeah?” James replies, picking his head up to look at Remus. His smile
radiates delight. “That’s incredible, mate, I’m so excited. We didn’t tell
Sirius we wanted to ask you, he’ll probably wet himself or cry with joy. He’s
been emotional lately, that one.”
 
“It’s the baby, making his hormones out of whack,” Lily says dryly, draining
the last bit of her tea. “I’m exhausted. I think it’s bedtime, dear,” she tells
James, standing up to take her and Remus’ empty tea cups back to the sink.
 
Remus stands as well. “I guess I’d better go wake Sirius up,” he says.
 
“Tell him we said goodnight,” James says, pulling Remus in for a hug. “And you
too. Thanks for your help tonight, mate.”
 
“Of course,” Remus says, reacting a big more quickly this time. The hugs,
probably, are the strangest bit for him adjust to. He’s never been hugged so
much before, if at all, really. “Anytime.”
 
“Goodnight,” Lily says, flashing him a loving smile, and then her and James
both disappear upstairs.
 
Remus wanders into the guest room to wake Sirius. Inside, Sirius is lying on
his stomach, mouth open just slightly, hair falling around his shoulders. He’s
swaddled in the blanket tightly; it almost reminds Remus of Emmy.
 
He lies down next to him, tucking his hair behind his ear to get it out of his
mouth and eyes. “Hey sleepy,” he says.
 
Sirius’ eyes flutter open at the touch, and, upon seeing Remus, he immediately
smiles. “Hello love,” he greets, stretching a bit.
 
“How was your nap?” Remus asks as Sirius runs a hand through his hair, blinking
a few times to adjust to the light.
 
“Great,” he says, pulling the blankets back, “I really needed that. Is
everything good?”
 
“Yep,” Remus says, watching as Sirius hunts around for a clean pair of jeans to
put on. “She’s not so bad, really. She woke up hungry, but I fed her and she
went right back to sleep.”
 
Sirius hums as he finally finds a pair and begins putting them on. “She must
like you.”
 
“I should hope so,” Remus murmurs softly, “If I’m to be her godfather.”
 
Sirius’ head snaps up, fingers freezing from their spot on his zipper. “What?”
he asks.
 
“Lily asked me tonight,” Remus says with a grin. “And I told her I would love
to.”
 
Sirius huffs out a laugh, but he looks absolutely ecstatic. “I don’t suppose
that’s all that Christian, then, having two gay godparents.”
 
“Well, neither of us are, so I think that’s sort of a moot point,” Remus points
out.
 
Sirius finishes buttoning his jeans and then walks around the bed to lean down
and kiss Remus firmly. “That means a lot to me,” he says, which Remus can tell,
really, is an understatement. He just looks into Remus’ eyes for a moment,
sparkling blue digging into Remus’ soul, not saying anything. After a moment,
his lips quirk into a smile and he walks back around to sit on the edge of the
mattress, pulling his boots on. Remus watches his back muscles move with
admiration as he leans down to tie his bootlaces. “Nearly two months,” Sirius
says finally, standing and turning to face Remus. “I don’t want to wait
anymore,” he adds in a low murmur.
 
“You don’t have to,” Remus answers, standing. Sirius’ eyes are hazy with lust.
He holds out a hand and Sirius takes it, pulling him in closer. “Has it really
been two months?”
 
“Since  Christmas ,” Sirius groans, squeezing Remus’ hand for emphasis before
releasing it. He holds the guest bedroom door open for Remus, and together they
walk to the front door. Remus buttons up his peacoat as Sirius slides on his
leather jacket. When Remus looks up at him, he looks absolutely irresistible,
leather jacket and tight jeans and combat boots and leather choker. Remus feels
his face flush at the intense eyes of this gorgeous man fixed firmly on
himself, and then a small smile spreads on his lips.
 
“Let’s go,” he whispers softly, and together they trek outside, two figures
outlined in falling snow.
Chapter End Notes
     Two more chapters left! How exciting.
     I have officially decided that I want to write a sequel, though it'll
     be maybe half the length of this story and decidedly less fluffy
     (though not entirely sad, I like drama and all but I'm not a
     monster). Also... it probably won't get updated every four days like
     I've been doing with this, but I'll try to find a nice sweet spot
     between four years and four days. We'll see how it goes!
***** Chapter 24 *****
Chapter Notes
     So, I'd like to apologize in advance for the fact that I've been
     super busy and haven't had time to edit this much, if at all. In any
     case, enjoy?? Second to last chapter!
By the time they get to Sirius’ flat, Sirius has grown desperate in the way he
touches Remus, fingertips burning in the cold winter air, and the way his eyes
smoulder. The hand that strokes Remus’ jaw in the elevator teems with sexual
desire.
 
Inside, Sirius barely gives Remus time to get his shoes and coat off before he
dives in, wrapping an arm around his waist to pull him close, his other hand
tangling into Remus’ hair at the back of his head. His kisses are hard, rough,
and wet. Sirius can feel Remus’ knees go soft and spins around, pressing him
against the front door to keep them both upright. Remus’ shoulders  thud
against the wood, lean muscle tensing under Sirius’ hands. His sweater is soft,
but his jaw is scratchy as Sirius’ lips move fervently, open, against them.
Remus’ mouth moves with all-consuming heat, his tongue, tasting just vaguely of
sweet tea, lapping into Sirius’ mouth with intense desire. Beneath all of the
incoming sensation, Sirius’ brain feels like static. He registers each feeling
as it comes: Remus’ soft hair between his fingertips, Remus’ hot tongue against
his own, moving with unrestrained passion, Remus’ hands moving cheekily down
his back to cup his ass, the smell of detergent, shaving cream, and boy that
always hangs around Remus. He feels dizzy with it all.
 
“Christ,” Remus moans, voice breaking, when Sirius’ lips trail down his neck to
give them both a chance to catch their breath. Remus’ breath is rugged against
his temple. “I wanted to enjoy tonight, but if you keep it up like this, I
don’t know if I’ll have time,” he adds, gripping Sirius’ back so tightly that,
Sirius thinks fondly, there might be bruises there tomorrow.
 
“We can take time to enjoy it later. Or tomorrow morning. Or tomorrow
afternoon. There’s always time,” Sirius breathes. His hot breath tickles all
the wet spots on Remus’ neck from his open mouthed kisses, and Remus shivers
noticeably. Sirius can feel the small vibrations everywhere they touch, from
his chest to his thighs, Remus’ smooth hard chest pressed against his own. It
nearly drives him insane. “It won’t be two months after this time. But right
now, I just need you,” he says. His voice is raw with desire, low and deep and
cracking against Remus’ ear.
 
“Let’s go, then,” Remus says. He presses his hips forward experimentally, and
his hard cock brushes Sirius’, firm as his own. “Inside.”
 
Sirius doesn’t need to be asked twice.
 
******
 
In the morning, Sirius is woken up by wet lips on his neck and hips thrusting
shallowly against him from behind. Sunlight filters through his curtains and he
feels it warm his skin. He closes his eyes again and hums softly, thrusting his
hips back against Remus’.
 
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Remus says unrepentantly, trailing his tongue up Sirius’ neck
to his ear. “Did I wake you up?”
 
“You did,” Sirius confirms. Remus’ arm wraps around him, skimming over his
stomach. “This is a lovely way to be woken up, though.”
 
“That’s not the word I would’ve chosen,” Remus huffs with a laugh, thrusting
himself against Sirius, cock pressing against his ass to illustrate. “Though I
agree, I’m quite enjoying myself.”
 
“Let’s do this,” Sirius says slowly, melting back against Remus’ chest as he
nibbles Sirius’ earlobe, “Every morning. What do you say?”
 
“I’d ask how many carats,” Remus replies teasingly. He bites down on Sirius’
neck hard enough to make him wince, but he loves it, and he loves the purple
bruise he knows he’ll see later in the mirror, once Remus has gone home.
 
“Remus,” he says, laughing, “I’d ask how many you want, but I bet if I was down
on one knee in front of you with the biggest diamond you’ve ever seen, you’d
just look mildly annoyed and call me a pansy.”
 
“You  are  a pansy,” Remus adds, leaning forward to kiss Sirius’ jaw. “But I’ll
kick your ass if you buy me a diamond ring.”
 
Sirius turns his head just slightly, bumping his nose into Remus’ jaw. He
smells wonderful; it makes Sirius feel warm all over. When Remus pulls away, he
can see the way his eyes shine, like crystalized honey staring back at him.
“What would you like, then, hmm? How am I to propose?”
 
“Maybe engagement truffles,” Remus suggests with a smile, running his right
thumb over Sirius’ jawline. “Anyway, why are you the one who gets to propose?
Maybe I’ll do it.”
 
“Because I’m the romantic,” Sirius insists. The quirk of Remus’ lips makes his
heart clench. “By the way, I have truffles for you. Regular ones, mind. If I
was proposing, I’d do better. I set them on the kitchen counter thinking you’d
see them when we came in, silly me, forgot to take into account the fact that
you’d have your hand down my pants before we even got in the door.”
 
“Oh, stop,” Remus says, laughing despite the pale pink that spreads over his
cheekbones, “You were the one who was all grabby before I even got my shoes
off.”
 
Sirius hums innocently, looking pointedly off at the wall behind Remus.
“There’s flowers, too.”
 
The morning continues to be slow and lazy, and the two of them get up and
shower together. Sirius loves showering with Remus, loves kissing him under the
spray of water, loves rubbing soap into his back and hearing him sigh happily.
It feels so natural, to do this together, or to do  anything  together, and
Sirius kisses at Remus’ neck through the soap.
 
After, they dress together, and, just as he finishes pulling his t-shirt over
his head, it is Remus who assaults him with kisses this time, holding his
wrists still and pinning him against the wall. Remus is constantly all heat,
beautiful and scorching. Sirius is aware that he himself is charming all the
time, and that he’s good at that, being charismatic and making people want to
be around him. He doesn’t, however, have the ability to turn it on and off like
a switch, like Remus can: ready to meet someone’s mother one moment, pinning
you against the wall with hot, open-mouthed kisses the next. His tongue is
soft, warm and wet, sliding against his own, coiling slow arousal deep in his
stomach. He squirms forward against Remus, who merely presses him tighter to
the wall and delves his tongue deeper into Sirius’ mouth. Everything tastes
like Remus, like mint but also just pure Remus, and he can smell the
intoxicating blend of shampoo and soap and deodorant and arousal emanating from
Remus. It’s enough to make him lightheaded, to make him forget where he is and
what he’s doing. Remus’ fingers are cutting off blood to his hands; he just
can’t be bothered to care.
 
“You’re going to kill me,” Sirius protests once Remus pulls away, panting.
 
“I wouldn’t,” Remus insists, admonishing, releasing Sirius’ hands to straighten
his shirt back out for him. “It’s just a kiss.”
 
“That was borderline obscene, my dear,” Sirius tells him a satisfied hum. When
Remus’ fingers finish, Sirius sits on the edge of the bed to pull his boots on.
Remus watches him, eyes dark, and Sirius cracks a grin at the look on his face.
“See something you like? Those eyes don’t look very ‘just a kiss’ to me.”
 
“You’ve conditioned me to think leather is the sexiest thing on the planet,”
Remus admits, swallowing loudly. “It’s completely insane.”
 
“No, it’s true,” Sirius insists, winking at him as he stands. He walks
confidently out of the bedroom and towards the front door; Remus follows
helplessly.
 
“Where are we going?” Remus asks. His eyes still look warm and deep with blown
pupils, especially as Sirius slides his jacket on. Arousal hums deep in blood,
unsated even after the late hour they were awake until the night before,
sweating between the sheets.
 
“I was thinking brunch,” Sirius says, resting his hands on Remus’ hips to pull
him closer once he’s zipped his own coat. “Perhaps the leather will be less
sexy when I have a mimosa in my hand.”
 
“Pansy,” Remus calls him again, without malice, and Sirius laughs, leaning in
to kiss him tenderly and, admittedly, he thinks, quite pansy-like.
 
The bike ride is, as usual, impractically alluring. Remus presses flush against
Sirius and wonders how anyone would be able to focus on the road while touching
like this, from shoulder to ankle, and Sirius’ scent intoxicating him so. It
seems a miracle that Sirius manages to drive in a straight line. Sirius, in
turn, is driven mad by the brush of Remus’ ever-present half hard cock pressing
against him.
 
When they pull up outside the coffee house, Remus staggers off the bike,
pulling the helmet off, while Sirius stands easily, as he always does, running
a hand through his long black hair to counteract the effects of the wind, and
smiles at Remus like he’s the sun.
 
“Good?” he asks, reaching for his hand. Remus nods silently.
 
It feels like a Sunday, Remus notes, even more than most Sundays. The mid
morning sun hangs lazily in the sky, warming the sidewalk despite the frigid
winds. When they huddle inside, the air is warm, sunlight radiating through the
windows, all natural yellow lighting. Even the woman who seats them moves
slowly, as if the sunlight is a heavy force resisting motion. At their booth,
Sirius orders two mimosas. His charming smile dazes the waitress, and she nods
before running off to get their drinks.
 
Sirius’ blue eyes turn back to focus on Remus, who is looking at him with an
odd expression, head tilted to the side. Sirius stares deeply into his hazel
eyes, shining in the sunlight gleaming through the window. “Tell me,” he
prompts.
 
“Tell you what?” Remus asks. He runs a hand through his hair; it’s not like
when Sirius does it, a display of self-consciousness rather than confidence.
 
Sirius grabs his fingers before he can settle his hands back into his lap,
bringing them up to his lips to kiss his knuckles. Remus’ eyes go all
unfocused, and his face flushes just a bit. “Tell me what’s wrong, love.”
 
Remus hums, mildly uncomfortable, and looks down at the menu absently, giving
Sirius’ fingers a squeeze. “You’re gorgeous,” he says, and when he looks up,
Sirius is opening his mouth, but he shakes his head and continues. “You’re so
gorgeous that it makes people stop and stare. The kind of striking beauty that
people drop what they’re doing to look at, just because they can’t help it.”
Sirius is blushing, now, red spreading on his cheeks as he smiles soppily. He
rests his elbow on the table and his chin on his fist, watching Remus with
adoration. “And it’s like… the way everyone else looks at you, you look at me.
But I know that I don’t have that, the kind of attractive face that makes
people’s heads turn.”
 
“Well,” Sirius says, blue eyes glancing down to their intertwined hands on the
table top. He runs his thumb over Remus’ knuckles. “First of all, your face is
perfectly lovely. Second, for you, it’s… it’s on the inside, you know?” He
asks, eyes darting up to connect with Remus’. He looks unsure for a rare
moment. “You’re beautiful, but it’s your mind that’s really that one-of-a-kind
type of gorgeous.”
 
Remus is flushed now, too, watching Sirius’ eyes soften. “I think that might be
one of the sweetest things you’ve ever said to me,” he murmurs. Sirius’ eyes
sparkle radiantly, and Remus leans back into the booth, their fingers slipping
apart. Sirius looks momentarily disappointed, but Remus quickly finds combat
boots tangling with his Vans beneath the table. “Wouldn’t bother me so much if
it didn’t all go straight to your head,” he adds wryly, quirking his lips.
 
Sirius merely smiles lazily. “Each time it adds but a grain of sand to my beach
of confidence.”
 
“That’s not even a good metaphor,” Remus protests idly as the waitress walks
up, setting their mimosas down in front of them. Sirius orders for them; Remus
watches his face, his sweet, smooth lips and his expressive eyes and his long,
silky black hair. One-of-a-kind gorgeous is right, Remus thinks, both inside
and out.
 
“You okay, love?” Sirius asks him, and he snaps out of his daze, eyes driftings
from Sirius’ hands, adorned in black nail polish, up to his eyes, gazing at him
with concern. He notices, then, that the attractive hands are very much trying
to tug the menu out from under Remus’ folded arms on the table.
 
“Oh,” Remus says, and laughs despite the warmth he can feel flooding his cheeks
as he quickly lifts his arms. Sirius hands his menu to the waitress with an
apologetic smile, and Remus can see the mild discomfort at the corners of her
lips as she thanks them and scurries off.
 
“Talk about stopping and staring,” Sirius remarks teasingly, raising an eyebrow
at Remus’ curiously drifting attention.
 
“You don’t care,” Remus realizes suddenly. It’s a stupid thing, he thinks once
it has left his mouth, to act like this is a revelation when Sirius lives his
whole life in defiance. Remus, from his own perspective, still stuck in the
situation Sirius had escaped over a decade ago, had always thought this was an
act: pretend you don’t care and nothing can hurt you. However, when hurt
flashes in Sirius’ big blue eyes in front of him, he realizes that this is not
the case. He genuinely  doesn’t  care, at least not about the opinions of
strangers; he saves every bit of energy for caring about the people he loves.
 
“What?” Sirius asks now, after a moment of silence.
 
Remus reaches for his hand, twining Sirius’ lovely fingers through his own, and
backtracks. “When people look at you. You hardly notice the attention because
you don’t care about it.”
 
“Oh,” Sirius laughs fondly, scrutinizing Remus’ inquisitive eyes. “Are you
still thinking about that? No, I suppose I don’t. I never have.” He pauses to
take a sip, tangy orange juice and champagne coating his tongue pleasantly, but
Remus still has an odd look on his face, so he goes on. “My parents—my real
parents, I mean, not James’ parents—had a LOT of money, the kind that like, I
got to boarding school when I was a little kid and everyone  knew , that’s the
kid with the rich parents, so from then on I always had people swarming around
me, boys who wanted to be my friends so that, I don’t know, I’d buy them
things? Girls from other families with money probably hoping my parents would
think them a good candidate to be my lovely wife. James was always around to
keep me grounded, knocking me down a few pegs if I let it get to my head, bless
him,” Sirius explains, grinning fondly. He takes another large sip. Remus
watches his throat as he swallows, wondering if the champagne is to wash down
the hurt of talking about his childhood. Sirius’ eyes look easy, however, if
not a bit calculating as they stare back into his own, and Remus thinks maybe
it’s rather like an old scar, beyond the point of being irritated by a bit of
prodding. “You don’t look any less confused. Have I made it worse?”
 
Remus rolls his eyes, giving Sirius’ fingers an innocent squeeze. “I just
didn’t know any of that,” he says softly. “It never occurred to me, that you’d
had such…  different  problems than my own. Or that you’d be open to talking
about them, really.”
 
“Maybe different causes, but not different problems, I don’t think,” Sirius
suggests, swirling his glass around with his free hand. He watches the orange
whirlpool in his glass intently. “They wanted me to marry a pretty rich girl
and wear itchy suits every day and study economics, and I had no interest, and
that’s why they disregarded me and drank and screamed at me and were violent.
Well, maybe not the drinking, I suspect they would’ve done that bit regardless.
But it doesn’t matter why, really. I was myself and that prevented us from ever
having a relationship that didn’t involve fists, and that’s the gist of it, in
my opinion.”
 
Remus ponders this theory, the idea that whether or not he could’ve done
something, he’s here, doing what is best for himself, and their relationship is
what it is, and he cannot go back in time and take away any of it, and then he
looks into Sirius’ eyes, peeking up at his from his drink, and he sees
familiarity and unexplored terrain at once, swirling in tandem within his eyes.
 
“You’re still acting strange,” Sirius observes, shifting his feet uncomfortably
where they tangle around Remus’ when he doesn’t answer. “What’s got you all
gooey about all this? There’s time, you know, to tell each other things. I was
kidding this morning, about the rings and engagement truffles and all. There’s
time, you can psychoanalyze my fucked up childhood to decide if I’m worth it
another time,” he jokes, building confidence at the quirky grin on Remus’ face.
“Have brunch with me, now, forget everyone else.”
 
As the waitress walks up to their table with a massive plate of triple
chocolate pancakes, Remus realizes there’s nothing he’d rather do.
 
******
 
The next day finds Sirius stretched out face down on the sofa in the Potters’
living room. Lily is sitting in the armchair, recliner extended, leaning her
head back to enjoy the television show playing idly on the screen. He’d shown
up an hour ago to collect his things from the guest room to do laundry, but
Emmy had been awake and screaming, so he’d stayed to help get her back to
sleep. Now that they’ve been sitting for ten minutes since Lily settled Emmy in
her crib, Sirius decides that Lily has been relaxing long enough. He sighs
dramatically, and she looks over at him, green eyes disapproving.
 
“Get your muddy boots off of my couch,” she says nonconfrontationally. Sirius
slams his boots down against the fabric. She watches a bit of clumped dirt fall
onto the upholstery and sighs. “What do you want from me?” she asks finally,
closing her eyes against the limp tendrils of red hair that tickle at her
cheekbones. “Don’t you think I’m being tortured enough these days?”
 
“I just wanted to talk to you,” he says innocently, propping himself up on one
elbow now to look at her.
 
She opens her eyes, shoving her hair away from her face forcefully, and looks
at him, her lip quirked as if she is unimpressed. “About what, then? I have to
spend my fleeting break from breastfeeding hearing about your sexual exploits?”
 
“I wouldn’t tell you about them if they weren’t so tantalizing,” he tells her
with a wink and a grin.
 
Her expression remains unchanged. “I am untantalized. I know how it goes, the
‘Lily I’ve got rug burn on my knees’ or ‘Lily I had to bite a pillow to keep
from waking the neighbors’ or ‘Lily his dick is 10 inches long’.”
 
“Oh, don’t exaggerate, it’s more like nine,” he corrects with a smile. Under
Lily’s irritable glare, he turns the corners of his mouth back down. “But not
just about that. We went out to brunch yesterday, nice and romantic and
nonsexual. Do you know, he used to think I enjoy all the attention people pay
to me? The way everyone likes me? Coax it out of them, really?”
 
“Used to?” she asks. She has closed her eyes once again, apparently deeming the
conversation harmless. “Can’t imagine why.”
 
“You’re cranky,” Sirius points out. “You could do with a nap.”
 
“I’ll remember you think so next time I consider having a baby,” she agrees,
slipping further down into her seat. She really does look wiped, he thinks, the
way even her hair droops with exhaustion. “So what else did you want to talk
about? I’m assuming you aren’t lying here muddying my couch just so I can ruin
your ego.”
 
“You can’t touch my ego,” Sirius assures her, examining the ends of his hair
absently. “He helped me look at cars after breakfast. I finally picked one.
It’s okay, leather seats and safe and a pretty shade of gray and all, but it’s
no motorcycle.”
 
“Did you really?” she asks, opening her eyes now. “Yet your death trip is
outside still. But I never thought I’d see the day that you’d buy something
with seatbelts.”
 
“Ha ha,” he teases, shooting her a glare. “Remus likes it, too. Doesn’t think
the motorbike is safe for some reason. Plus… I told him I’d teach him how to
drive, so he can get to uni.”
 
Lily inspects him, looking invasively into his eyes. Sirius always thinks of
this as her Mom Look, when she surveys him up and down to try to decide why he
REALLY did what he did so she can offer praise or criticism. He’s seen Harry
get this look countless times. She smiles just a bit after a moment. “You can’t
buy him a car,” Lily informs him plainly.
 
“I wasn’t going to!” he insists, cheeks heating up. “I’m keeping the bike,
anyway, so…”
 
“What is this about?” she asks him pointedly. She’s sitting back up now,
addressing him sincerely. To his surprise, it makes his palms sweat and his
cheeks flush a bit.
 
“He hasn’t said anything to me about leaving,” he admits, “But he’s been a
little more careless. He slept over, the other night, after we left here. We
haven’t talked about it, but I think he thinks of the idea of living with me
differently now, as more than just a backup option.”
 
She regards him in that Motherly Way again. He shifts uncomfortably and avoids
her eyes. “Is that really something you, like, actively want already?” she asks
him, tilting her head. “To live with him? I feel like it hasn’t been that
long.”
 
“Yeah,” Sirius admits softly, looking up at her now. Her eyes have softened. “I
know it sounds silly, but I just  know . I wouldn’t want him to be Emmy’s
godfather if I didn’t. At least I’m not having a kid with him, you know, like
some people did.”
 
“I didn’t have a kid with Remus,” Lily says, grinning and lying her head back
against the back of the armchair once again.
 
“Now who’s being cheeky,” Sirius retorts, lying down flat once again, “Besides,
he was like 8, I should hope not.”
 
“Ugh, that’s weird, isn’t it weird for you to think of that?” Her nose wrinkles
up slightly, but she remains relaxed, gazing at the ceiling.
 
Sirius contemplates that for a moment. It was so long ago, that they were 18
and Lily had just realized she was pregnant, and they were all different people
then. “No, not really,” he says finally, “I’m perfectly aware of it, I’ve made
my peace with it. It is what it is.”
 
“As long as you’re happy,” she adds softly, shifting to make herself more
comfortable.
 
“Are you falling asleep?” he asks with a smile. She sure looks  exhausted ; if
she is, he wouldn’t blame her.
 
“Maybe,” she admits. “I do need a nap. Can you pass me the blanket over there?”
 
He stands to grab the plush blanket folded neatly atop the couch, and spreads
it gently over Lily. She looks so small, especially because the memory of her,
round and pregnant, is still so fresh in his mind. She tucks her hands around
it and pulls it up to her chin, eyes drifting closed.
 
“Are you leaving?” she asks once he steps away. She looks moments away from
sleep, curled up around her blanket.
 
“I figured I might,” he says, “Do you want me to stay? In case Emmy wakes up?”
 
“No, no, it’s okay,” she tells him, yawning around her words. “Go home, be
there when Remus shows up. I just wanted to tell you something, before you go.”
 
“What’s that?” he asks as he shuts the TV. He can’t imagine when her last nap
in utter silence was.
 
“You have to tell him,” she says. Her words are barely a mumble now, sleepy
haze surrounding each syllable. “Really tell him, make sure he knows you’re
serious. If you want him there… show him. Make it his space too.”
 
Sirius contemplates her sleeping form. He’s spent so many years in her company,
but he’s never been able to figure out the secret to her boundless empathy, and
he’s never been able to come close to thinking as selflessly as she does. She’s
always right. He dips down to kiss her pale, exhausted forehead. “Thank you,
Lils,” he tells her. “Call me if you need.”
 
“‘Course,” she murmurs. “Safe.”
 
He grins at her half-sleeping form as he tip-toes his way out the door,
managing grace as well as he can in Doc Martens.
 
Back at his flat, he takes Lily’s advice to heart, and enters the door trying
to see things as Remus does. He’s never noticed, before, how much he really
takes up his own apartment, from shelf space in his bathroom to nightstands to
bookshelves to his dresser drawers. He starts in the bedroom, sitting down in
front of the dresser to begin reorganizing. He doesn’t need nearly as much
space as he takes up, he realizes, and only wears about half of the clothing he
has, anyway.
 
By the time he’s done, he’s got four free dresser drawers, two empty bathroom
shelves, a cleared nightstand, and is just beginning to go through the books on
his bookshelf when his phone begins ringing. He looks at the screen and sees
Remus’ honey brown eyes staring back at him from his portrait and exhales
heavily, steeling himself, before he presses accept.
 
“Sweetheart?” he greets softly.
 
“Hey,” Remus replies. He  sounds  fine, Sirius realizes, feeling relief flood
his body. “I have to ask you something.”
 
“Whatever you like,” Sirius answers nervously. He stares at the books leaning
against one another in front of him, seeing letters swirling in his vision
without reading words or perceiving meaning. Remus’ silence rings in his ears,
drowning out any chance of perception.
 
“When you said that yesterday morning, that you wanted to do that every day,”
he asks slowly, quietly, apprehensively. Sirius can practically hear the way he
fidgets, the color of his cheeks, the quiver of his eyebrows in his voice. “Did
you mean that?”
 
“Of course,” he breathes. He wants to worry about why they’re having this
conversation, now, at 4 pm on a Monday afternoon over the phone, but he can’t.
He’s frozen with nerves. “I mean, that wasn’t me asking, I’ve been trying to
think of a more romantic way to do that, maybe while wearing pants, but yes,”
he concludes, forcing a smile. Remus can’t see him, obviously, he knows, but
he’ll know if he’s not—just like he probably knows that his palms are sweating
right now.
 
“Sorry to ruin any plans you might’ve been able to come up with,” he says
lightly, “Unless you can think of anything in the next fifteen or twenty
minutes, maybe. I don’t think I’d like to stand on the sidewalk much longer
than that.”
 
“Remus,” Sirius hears himself say before he can stop himself, concern seeping
into his voice, “What happened?”
 
“Can you come get me, do you think?” Remus pushes on, ignoring Sirius’
question. “I’d walk but I have a few bags, and they’re a bit heavy.”
 
Before Remus’ sentence is done, Sirius has his keys and jacket in hand and is
heading for his car. “Tell me where,” he insists, “And don’t move. I’ll be
there in five minutes.”
 
And Remus’ relief soothes them both as he rattles off street names.
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