Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1391416.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Sirius_Black/Remus_Lupin
  Character:
      Sirius_Black, Remus_Lupin
  Additional Tags:
      Non-Consensual, Rape, Blood_and_Gore, Cannibalism, Dark, Angst, MWPP_Era
  Series:
      Part 3 of Wentworth_Miller
  Collections:
      Ink_Stained_Fingers
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-03-30 Words: 3462
****** Man Eater ******
by Agent_Zap
Summary
     Sirius thought he must be mistaken. It was the dark. He screwed up
     his eyes and looked closer. No mistake. Of course he couldn’t tell
     colours in the silvery moon light, it just looked black, but he
     couldn’t think of any completely black liquid that Remus might get
     smeared and spattered around his mouth like this. It had to be blood.
Notes
     Disclaimer: Harry Potter does not belong to me, and I don't make
     money from this.
     Beta: Gobi_Rex
     Why the fuck can’t I add a description of a series?!? Well, here
     goes.
     I often thought about putting my oldest fics up here, too, just to
     keep it all in one archive. Then I’d read them through and think that
     nobody really needed to see that. (Honestly: it’s not great
     literature.)
     But then, last year, Wentworth Miller came out as gay. And his
     description of how harrowing it had been to be in the closet reminded
     me very much of a process of self-discovery, acceptance and
     disclosure that I’d gone through. I got curious and looked him up –
     found that he’d written one film manuscript; Stoker. I watched the
     film… And yeah, I knew I had to put these stories up here. That film
     reminded me so much of my early fics – so full of self-loathing; full
     of belief that what you want from the depth of your heart makes you a
     monster. Let’s not forget that we still live in a world where people
     are made to feel this way by all kinds of normativity. Let’s call
     this the Wentworth Miller series (even though all the fics are Harry
     Potter). Not all of these stories are openly dark – but they’re all
     from the same period. Please read tags carefully.
”Sirius! - Sirius!”
Sirius struggled through thick and murky spheres to answer the calls that
penetrated from far away. He rolled over and opened his eyes, and for a few
moments his sleepy mind played tricks on him and he saw tall and looming
figures hovering all around his bed. He closed his eyes again and brought a
stiff hand up to rub at them, then forced them open and stared at his
surroundings which had returned to normal, the room filled with the snoring of
his friends and the moon light falling through the windows, the drapes of his
bed pulled back, but lending a bit of shadow to the pillow-end.
And then right in front of him, Remus’ face, chalk white and seemingly nothing
but big, terrified eyes. Sirius blinked and got up on one elbow so he could
look straight at Remus instead of viewing him on his side, and now he noticed
the dirt on Remus’ face and in his hair. He frowned and yawned. “Hello there.
You back already?” It was the last night of the full moon, him and Peter and
James had been to see Remus in the shrieking shack this afternoon, and they’d
been looking forward to see Remus back at school again next morning. This was
early, though. That’s when Sirius discovered that Remus wasn’t only dirty and
next to his bed in the middle of the night, but he was also naked. Sirius
leaned over the edge of the bed to make sure. Remus was on hands and knees next
to the bed, that’s why his face had seemed to be floating at first.
“What are you doing?” Sirius stared at Remus and sat up, looking around to see
if any of the others were waking up. James and Peter were still snoring
quietly. Remus tried to answer, but his teeth were clattering so badly that all
he could manage was another “S-s-sirius-s-s…” Now Sirius was getting worried.
He grabbed Remus by his upper arms and tugged him up into the bed, wrapping the
blankets around him while noticing the unusual extent of dirt and scratches and
bruises all over his body. His chest and arms were covered in angry welts and
ragged, bleeding tears. His hair was a mess and full of twigs. And his mouth…
Sirius thought he must be mistaken. It was the dark. He screwed up his eyes and
looked closer. No mistake. Of course he couldn’t tell colours in the silvery
moon light, it just looked black, but he couldn’t think of any completely black
liquid that Remus might get smeared and spattered around his mouth like this.
It had to be blood.
“Remus!” He shook Remus by his arms and watched as his friend’s head lolled
about and his eyes rolled back. He was gasping for breath and trembling so
badly that the whole bed was quaking with it. Sirius threw his arms around him
and held him tight, whether to simply quench this disturbing behaviour that had
made Sirius break out in cold sweat, or to comfort Remus, he didn’t quite know.
He felt relieved though, when Remus responded, if only to bore his head into
the hollow of Sirius’ shoulder and start sobbing.
While Remus sobbed out all the wretchedness, till he was just a limp rag
hanging in Sirius’ arms, Sirius tried to stop the train of thoughts that seemed
determined to run full steam through his head with the whistle blowing all the
way. He wished he could just lay Remus down to sleep, but if…If there was
somebody out there who’d been bitten tonight, they had to do something about
it.
“Remus?” He whispered hoarsely.
Remus curled in a little on himself, still leaning on Sirius, but seeming to
find his balance on his own knees now. He sighed, a deep, shaking sigh.
“Tell me, Remus. What happened?”
He kept holding on to the reedy boy hidden under the covers, not demanding that
Remus look him in the eye, just listening for his voice.
“I… I’m not sure. I don’t remember much, you know. But I got out of the shack
somehow. And I remember… I remember…” His voice cracked and Sirius distractedly
moved a hand up to his head and started picking out the twigs and leaves caught
in the mop of brown tresses. “I remember the taste. The taste of… It wasn’t
animal blood.”
Suddenly he pushed away from Sirius with totally unexpected force. He fought
off the blankets and started wiping violently at his mouth with his hands, then
looked down and realized the state of his torso, beginning to claw and rub at
the marks, then stopped and just looked at his dirty and bloody hands, his big
eyes burning and face full of loathing. Finally he just sat there with his arms
held out from his body and his head tilted back, as if the less he could see or
touch himself, the better.
Sirius watched this display helplessly. He understood that this rejection was
not about himself being unwanted, and he knew that Remus knew that there was
nothing about the werewolf, nothing at all in the world, that would make Sirius
want to turn away from his friend. So why was Remus shutting him out? This was
bad, but they were together in it. Or, they always had been - up till now.
Remus slowly raised his head again. His face was calm, expressionless. His eyes
that had looked like black suns blazing terror only moments before, let nothing
surface. He spread his arms out and looked straight at Sirius.
“Do you see?” He whispered, but clearly didn’t expect an answer. Sirius shook
his head, what was he supposed to see? Remus smiled, the scariest smile Sirius
had ever seen.
“I killed a man.”
Sirius still wasn’t sure what Remus was trying to convey. Okay, so the man was
dead, which was really, really bad. However it meant that there was no rush to
try and save somebody somewhere outside in the dark forest.
“Are you sure? There’s no chance he can be saved?”
“Oh no.” Remus let out something like a giggle, which scared Sirius even more.
“Believe me, I killed him good. Real good!” The look of disgust was returning
to his face, and he let his hands fall to the mattress, as he took a couple of
deep breaths. In one quick move he turned and leaned over the edge of the bed
and threw up.
The bitter sweet smell of bile and raw meat spread in the room and made Sirius
feel sick himself. He quickly did a scourgify spell, and was surprised to note
that the others were still sleeping. He climbed out of bed and hastily pulled
the drapes tight all around them. As he was about to get back on the bed, he
saw Remus was about to get up, an exhausted look on his face.
“Where are you going?!” Sirius hissed and caught Remus by the arm. Remus looked
down at his hand. “Let go.” He sounded like his usual self again, just tired;
friendly and tired.
“No I won’t.” Sirius loosened his grip, though, and with his other hand gently
turned Remus’ chin up until he could look him in the eyes. “I won’t let go of
my friend who’s in trouble. Tell me why you won’t talk to me? Please?”
Remus slumped down with his long legs dangling over the edge of the bed. Sirius
crawled up next to him, all the while looking intently at the other boy who was
a picture of utter defeat.
“You shouldn’t wish to have friends like me. You deserve better.”
“Remus! I know who you are – I know what you are, I always have, it’s never
come between us! I know you can’t help the wolf! That is not who you are!
You’re the best friend anybody could ever wish to have! What is this about?”
Sirius was gesturing wildly and almost stuttering, so eager was he in his
effort to make his feelings on this subject clear, inwardly cursing himself for
his lack of eloquence.
Remus smiled sadly at him. “But you don’t know me. Tonight… You know, usually I
don’t remember much about the time with the wolf. It feels like it’s not really
me, like you said. But tonight… I remember killing that man. And I remember…
How good it felt.”
For a while the snoring of the other boys was the only sound in the room.
“It was… I’ve never enjoyed anything as much as that. It was everything. I
killed a man, and I loved it.”
“But…” Sirius scrambled for a response, “-You don’t love it now! Your wolf
loves it, that’s its nature, but you don’t!”
“No, I don’t. I hate what I’ve done. But I’d love to feel that way again. It
was perfect. I wish I could always be the wolf…”
At that moment, Remus looked to Sirius, not like a wolf, but like a lost and
confused puppy. A wordless wish flooded Sirius, a wish to make it better, to
take the responsibility off those bony shoulders that had struggled under it
since he was a child much too young for that heavy a burden. It screamed inside
him to be let out, but all he knew to do was put his arm around Remus and
whisper: “I love you anyway.”
He didn’t even think about it. And when Remus answered sadly: “I love you,
too,” it just felt right. The natural order of things. Light of dawn had begun
to seep in through the drapes, and when Sirius rested his other hand over
Remus’ heart and leaned in to touch Remus’ lips with his, it was right as rain
and he noticed that Remus still had blood on his lips - but it didn’t matter,
it tasted a bit metallic, but it was all part of Remus.
He got up on his knees and bent down to hook one arm under Remus’ legs, the
other under his shoulders, and lifted him properly up on the bed. Sirius
noticed the soft fleece on his legs, his long, slim torso and the narrow but
square shoulders. He felt cold to the touch. His chest was rising and falling
with his breath. He let his head fall back on the pillow and closed his eyes
with a sigh. His face was grey and he looked a thousand years old. Sirius let
his eyes run down his body again, and rest at his groin, the curls of his
darker brown pubic hair also had a few straws caught in it. Sirius reached out
and picked them out without touching him. His cock was resting, soft and
listless, against his thigh. Sirius straightened the bundled up blankets and
laid them over the cold body. Then he got out of his own pyjamas and crawled
under the covers to wrap himself around Remus and lend him a bit of his own
warmth. Remus sighed and readjusted to Sirius. It was a bit awkward, Remus
being the taller one, but Sirius hooked one leg over Remus’ hip, and as he
settled in, it couldn’t have felt closer.
He wrapped one hand around Remus’ forehead and the feeling of the damp, cold,
smooth skin against his palm made places inside him he hadn’t been aware of
before, surge and start glowing. Resting on his elbow, he looked closely at
Remus’ face, and let his fingers walk the path his eyes were marking. His
fingertips gently smoothed out the soft, light brown arches of the eyebrows,
and he thought about that story Remus once told him about how Muggles believed
that a werewolf had fused eyebrows, coming together over the bridge of the
nose. What a notion. Remus could never have been a werewolf, then.
He wandered down the bridge of that long, fine nose, and dipped under the tip
to follow the curves of full, stained lips. Remus opened his mouth slightly and
sighed. Returning to the closed eyes, Sirius let the pad of his thumb fit into
the hollow
between eye and nose, and gently slide over the thin, purplish, swollen skin of
Remus’ eyelids. And those slightly downy ears. It was all the perfect disguise
for the predator.
Sirius leaned down and whispered in that pretty ear; “Tell me about it,” while
his hand found its way down over Remus’ naked chest and stopped to rest in the
hollow of the solar plexus, feeling the sudden arrest of the silent rise and
fall that had marked Remus’ breath.
“What?!”
“Tell me what it was like. Killing.”
Remus had turned around and was staring inscrutably at Sirius now.
“You want to know what it was like?”
“Yes. It’s part of you, I want to hear you tell it.” Sirius couldn’t explain it
any better than that, though he knew there was more to it. “Who was it?”
Remus turned his back to Sirius again and took a deep breath. “Very well. I
guess it may educate you.” Sirius wrapped his arms tight around Remus.
“It was a Muggle. I don’t know how he came to be near Hogswart, but I smelled
him clearly in the forest. He smelled so good… Warm and sweaty and a little
scared.”
Sirius carefully moved his own head over Remus’ neck and throat, sniffing him.
He did smell good too. Just like he said. And a bit like crushed grass and
drying blood. Remus’ breath hitched.
“I tracked him down. When I found him, he was sitting on the forest floor and I
started circling him, hiding in the trees far enough away that he couldn’t see
me. He must have heard leaves rustling or a branch breaking, though, because at
some point he looked up and started calling out.
“Who’s there?!” Sirius whispered, and held tighter on to Remus, who cringed.
“I attacked from the front. I could have sneaked up from behind, but I wanted
his throat between my teeth, not my claws around his neck. I couldn’t wait to
taste his blood. So I ran straight at him and knocked him over on the ground as
I caught his scrawny neck in my jaws.”
Sirius roughly rolled Remus over, and dived for his throat that was pulsing and
working beneath him. He pressed his face into that softest spot just where chin
and throat connects, and closed his mouth over Remus’ flesh. Remus gasped and
squirmed, but Sirius didn’t let go, even if his grip on Remus’ throat was only
light. Remus’ arms were caught down along his sides by Sirius’ knees.
“He didn’t die right away. I didn’t break his neck. His screams quickly became
a gurgle, but he kept clawing at me with his hands for a long time. He couldn’t
dislodge me, though, I had him, and I had no intention of letting him go, and I
shook him and tore at him until he was quiet!”
Remus’ last words had come in short bursts in between Sirius’ ministrations.
Sirius had let Remus get his hands free, though his bent elbows were still
caught against his sides by Sirius’ knees. He made small, weak attempts with
his bitten down fingernails at clawing Sirius’ stomach, while Sirius supported
his head with one hand and frantically worked Remus’ neck and throat and
shoulders over with his mouth. He was not being gentle anymore, and though his
human teeth couldn’t really draw blood so easily, he had no doubt Remus would
be covered with his tooth marks and bruises in the morning. Blended in with all
those other bruises all over him. The thought made Sirius dizzy.
Finally, Remus stopped his mock defence and let his hands fall down to his
chest. Sirius let go of him, panting.
“Then…” Remus’ voice was so low, Sirius could hardly hear him. “…I bent over
him to feast. The smell of his blood was everywhere. I let go of that thin,
vulnerable part of him I’d first attacked, and planted my claws in the thick,
meaty part of his body and tore him open. He was laid out so deliciously, all
for me. And I rolled in it. Really.”
The picture in Sirius’ head was clear and sharp, as he moved down Remus’ body.
He did not stop at his stomach, though, just licking it hungrily in passing,
then heading straight for the cock that was no longer hiding limply. He let the
tight and hard meat burn against his cheeks, his nose, his closed eyes, as he
took in the intoxicating smell that came off Remus in waves. He could feel
Remus fighting to stay still, the muscles of his thighs tensing and relaxing in
turns. He caught Remus’ balls in his hand and stretched out his fingers so he
could rub the soft spot behind the balls at the same time. He nipped at the
shaft all the way up and down, before tickling the head with just the tip of
his tongue. It was wet and salty and creamy and he finally let himself take
Remus into his mouth. It was like having a big, succulent plum in his mouth,
straining with juice and warmed by sunshine. He took it in all the way to the
hilt and held still for a moment while he just sucked and worked his mouth and
tongue and throat.
Remus could no longer pretend to be dead. He was tossing and turning his head
and biting his own wrist not to cry out. Sirius let him go for a second to
raise his head and whisper: “Boy, you’re so beautiful!”
Remus stared back at him. “Beautiful?!” He tore at his own hair and gritted his
teeth while pulling up his legs and turning away from the surprised Sirius.
“You think this is beautiful? You want to go with me into the forest and look
at what’s left of him and see if you think that is beautiful? You know what it
is? It is raw desire! You want to know what it’s like? I’ll show you!”
And before Sirius could say or do anything, Remus slapped him so hard that he
lost orientation and saw black spots. Before he knew what happened, he was on
his stomach with his hands caught behind his back and Remus pressing down on
him. He tried to buck up and throw Remus off, but Remus was stronger and
heavier than Sirius had expected, and Remus just took advantage of his
movements for his own purposes and kicked Sirius’ legs apart.
Sirius felt the muscles of his buttocks quivering, closed his eyes and pressed
his face into the mattress while trying to relax. Relax, relax.
Still he wasn’t in any way prepared for the experience when he felt Remus
position himself behind him, and without any warning slam hard into him. The
pain was searing, and he felt like he was being split in half, the burning
shooting all the way up through his stomach. He screamed into the sheets under
him and felt tears trickle out from under his screwed up lids. His shoulders
ached as Remus yanked him back onto his cock by his arms, again and again, and
he bit his lips to stay quiet as his head bumped up and down.
Remus was hissing under his breath; “- Is it beautiful to you, does it feel
good, do you think you know now what it’s like?” And he reached out and pushed
away the black hair that had mercifully fallen down to hide Sirius’ face.
The pain lessened a bit as Sirius felt himself grow slicker and slicker, though
the thought of why was no comfort. It’s Remus, it’s Remus, it’s my Remus, he
kept chanting to himself. He could hear Remus gasping now, and with a few last
hard shoves, Remus fell on top of him, both of them covered in sweat. Sirius
stayed still under Remus and tried to stop crying. After a minute or two,
Remus’ breath had calmed down, and he quickly got up. Sirius winced as Remus
slid out of him and he felt the thick, mixed fluids run down between his legs.
Remus sat on the edge of the bed and wiped himself off with Sirius’ pajama
bottoms. Then he moved to slide out between the drapes.
Sirius lifted his head. “Remus?” he whispered weakly. Remus stopped and looked
back at him. “Won’t you stay a while?” Remus stared at him, appalled. His
throat worked and he looked like he was swallowing something bitter, and with a
swift move, all that was left was the swaying drapes and the sweet smell of
blood that drowned out everything else.
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