Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1340059.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Hetalia:_Axis_Powers
  Relationship:
      America_(Hetalia)/Russia_(Hetalia)
  Character:
      America_(Hetalia:_Axis_Powers), Canada_(Hetalia:_Axis_Powers), Russia_
      (Hetalia:_Axis_Powers), Lithuania_(Hetalia:_Axis_Powers)
  Additional Tags:
      Underage_Sex, Rape/Non-con_Elements, Dubious_Consent, Pedophilia, child
      predators, Implied/Referenced_Drug_Addiction
  Collections:
      Anonymous
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-03-20 Completed: 2014-03-28 Chapters: 5/5 Words: 11641
****** Making New Friends ******
by Anonymous
Summary
     All Alfred wants is new friends. And when he meets a Russian teen
     online who says he's moving to his city in a few weeks for college,
     Alfred jumps on the chance to meet this mysterious (and gorgeous)
     man. Alfred doesn't really know how bad of a decision he's made until
     he can't turn back.
     EDIT: This was a cope fic I wrote while being sexually abused, I
     don't condone any of this.
Notes
     oh jfc i'm a piece of trash for writing this. oh god. but i really
     enjoyed writing this. be warned this story contains or will contain:
     underage sex, very very dubious consent, probably some underage
     drinking, child predators, and maybe a touch of violence. i'm
     probably getting put on some sort of list for writing this, so i hope
     you enjoy.
     EDIT, January 2017: so I wrote this a long time ago. At the time of
     writing this, I was going through a lot of sexual abuse, sometimes by
     an older man, sometimes by a boy my age, and I used this fic to cope.
     I am in a much better and healthier place now, and I don't condone
     any of this anymore, but I'll leave it up in case others can use it
     to cope as I did.
***** Chapter 1 *****
Alfred logged onto the chat room where he spent most of his time, hoping his
friend Toris, in Lithuania, or maybe even the German boy, Ludwig, who had sent
him a friend request recently, would be on to chat. They weren’t though, and
Alfred had to stop himself from pouting. His friends in this chat room were the
only people Alfred had to talk to (besides his brother, who spent all his time
doing schoolwork, and Dad, who was always working.) He moved his mouse to the x
in the corner of the screen, but a notification popped up on his screen before
he exited.
You have (1) new friend request!
Alfred smiled, and quickly clicked it. It was from a teen (only people aged 13
to 18 could use this site) with the screen name VostokRussian18. The screen
name made him smile a bit bigger; Vostok was a part of the Russian space
program. Alfred wondered if VostokRussian18 had an obsession with space like
Alfred did. Alfred accepted the friend request, and almost immediately got a
message from VostokRussian18.
VostokRussian18: hello! asl?
TheRealAmericanEagle: 15/m/Richmond, VA, u?
VostokRussian18: 18/m/Moscow.
“Wow, he really is Russian!” Alfred exclaimed to himself, and replied to
VostokRussian18.
TheRealAmericanEagle: oh wow! Ur the farthest away person I know! I have a
friend in Lithuania but you’re definitely farther.
VostokRussian18:And you are the farthest person I know as well, perhaps our
friendship is fated haha.
VostokRussian18: But I won’t be in Russia much longer. I’m moving to Virginia
soon, if you can believe that.
Alfred had a slight flutter of hope in his chest when he read that. He didn’t
have many friends, since that bitch Elizabeta had outed him last year (though
she didn’t do it on purpose- she had unwittingly grabbed his phone instead of
hers and when she unlocked it she saw hundreds of flirty messages between him
and the Japanese teen he had been talking to. She had asked him about it, and
people overheard, and the news that Alfred F. Jones was a homo spread like
wildfire. He knew it was an accident, but he still held a grudge.) Alfred had
just started sophomore year, and while he was glad people weren’t making fun of
him anymore, people not talking to him hurt even more. If this VostokRussian18
was coming to Virginia, at least there would be a minute chance that Alfred
could make friends with him, and have someone to talk to besides his stupid
brother. Alfred heard a ping from his computer, and was shaken out of his
thoughts.
VostokRussian18: I’m sorry, I did not mean to alarm you. I was accepted into
the University of Richmond for the Fall semester, that’s why I have been
sending messages to people in Virginia, and it would be very nice if I could
have some friends in the area.
Wow, it was if VostokRussian18 had read Alfred’s mind! Friends? Especially with
a college dude? He could go to college parties and totally make his brother
jealous. He quickly went to respond to his new potential friend, when a
question popped into his mind.
TheRealAmericanEagle:wow  no way!! Im going to u of r in a few years. Ill
gladly be ur friend, but I do have a question for u.
VostokRussian18:I will tell you anything. We are friends now, aren’t we?
Alfred beamed a little bit when he read that. God, friends already? Fucking
sweet! He was mentally preparing how great his life would be, and how he’d go
to college parties and get totally shitfaced (Alfred had never drank before,
but a lot of his online friends in Europe had, and they all seemed to think it
was great,) and smoke pot (none of his online friends had smoked, but Matt had,
and Alfred was kind of jealous Matt did it before him, even if he did puke the
first (and only) time he smoked.)  He shook those thoughts away and typed out
the question he had.
TheRealAmericanEagle: if ur 18 and going to college, why hang out with a
15yrold???
VostokRussian18:Because college kids grew up during the Cold War, and they do
not trust Russians. If you do not wish to be my friend, I’m sure I can find
other people to fill the job.
Alfred really didn’t want that, and immediately responded.
TheRealAmericanEagle: no nono! Its fine I was just wondering. It rly sucks that
grown ass college kids would act like that, I totally trust Russians and im
just 15!!
VostokRussian18:I am glad you are so trusting.
VostokRussian18: Since I answered your question, will you answer a few of mine?
TheRealAmericanEagle: sure!!
VostokRussian18:What is your name? Mine is Ivan. Also, I apologize if this is
frank, but, do you have a girlfriend?
TheRealAmericanEagle:my names Alfred fitzgerald jones! Pretty American huh? I
guess your name is pretty Russian though lol. And no, ive actually never had a
gf
Alfred wasn’t quite sure if he wanted to tell Vostok (Ivan he mentally urged
himself to say,) that he was gay. The Russians had been in the news lately for
all the shit that they did about gay people, and he didn’t know if Ivan was
like that or not. He hoped it was the latter, but he didn’t want to ruin his
friendship before it started.
VostokRussian18:What about a boyfriend? I won’t judge, not every Russian is
like what you see on the news.
It was as if Ivan had read his mind. But then again, Alfred didn’t know the
answer to that. Sure, there was Kiku, a boy in Japan he had met on the chat
room. But he didn’t know if Kiku really counted; they Skyped a couple of times,
and they had called themselves boyfriends, but Alfred cut contact with Kiku
after the situation with Elizabeta. He felt bad (he had honestly liked Kiku,)
but he was ashamed. A gay long distance relationship? Pathetic. But he wanted
to look older to Ivan, so he decided that, yes, Kiku counted. He also decided
to lie, to make it sound more exciting. Ivan wouldn’t know, and he was probably
lying about at least something too.
TheRealAmericanEagle: yeah, last year I dated a Japanese exchange student, but
it ended kinda harshly
VostokRussian18: Do you mind telling me what happened?
Wow, Ivan really wanted to hear Alfred’s woes. Alfred was surprised. Dad and
Matt both knew that Alfred was gay, and they were supportive (hell, Matt was
gay too,) but they didn’t care to listen to him bitch and moan. And here was
Ivan, a stranger on the internet he had been talking to for at most 20 minutes,
and he would listen. Alfred thought that said a lot about his situation, but he
dismissed that thought and replied to Ivan.
TheRealAmericanEagle: well we got bullied a lot when we came out and it got so
bad he went back 2 japan. People still don’t talk to me, like ‘the gay’ is some
terrible disease u can get. It kinda hurts, but im glad ur moving to Richmond
soon so I can actually have a friend!
VostokRussian18:Ah. My ex-boyfriend, Nikolai, and I faced the same struggles.
It’s part of the reason I decided to go to a different hemisphere for college.
But it is all water under the bridge now- I look forward to being your friend
while I’m in Richmond.
VostokRussian18: I do have one request, though.
TheRealAmericanEagle: sure Ivan what is it???
VostokRussian18:Do you think we could possibly text? Using a computer to talk
to my friends is so very tedious.
Alfred had to think about Ivan’s request for a moment. Sure, Dad had given him
a long winded talk about never giving his number to strangers online, blah blah
blahwhen he had gotten his computer. But he had already broken that rule a
whole lot. What with Kiku, Toris, Mathias, and so many other online friends, it
seemed kind of stupid not to give Ivan his number. He had done it with tons of
other people. But, then again, he did know them a lot longer before he had
started texting them, and he had Skyped them. But in the end, Alfred’s desire
to have a new friend won out after a very short mental debate.
TheRealAmericanEagle: sure! 1-804-555-0160 u can text me or call me
Alfred saw Ivan log off almost as soon as he had sent his number, and his phone
vibrated about the same time. Alfred? The text had said, and the number was
definitely foreign. Had Ivan texted him that fast? Alfred grinned a bit and
texted back. That’s me! Ivan? Ivan had replied almost as soon as Alfred had
texted him. Yes, it’s Ivan. I am glad I got your number right- I have big
hands, and iPhones have small screens. Alfred laughed a bit at Ivan’s response.
He sounded like a total dork, in a lovable way of course. Alfred was sure he
hadn’t made a mistake giving him his number.
Lol! Should have got a Samsung ;) Alfred replied, trying to keep the mood
light. Well maybe when I’m in Richmond, you can convince me to make the
switch.Alfred grinned again, and was imagining going to a phone store with his
cool new college friend when he noticed the time in the corner of his phone. It
was nearly midnight, and Alfred knew if he stayed up much later, it would be
impossible to wake up at 7 for school the next morning. Haha maybe! :) anyways.
I totally gotta go to bed. Idk what time it is in Russia but its definitely
late here and I gotta go to school tomorrow. Ill text u then, goodnight! Alfred
locked his phone, and clicked off his lamp. He made a mad dash to his bed,
avoiding any monsters the dark might have held, and jumped in. His phone lit up
when he plugged it in, and he smiled and blushed a bit when he saw that Ivan
had texted him back. Goodnight, Alfred. :)
-
Alfred and Ivan texted nonstop for about 2 weeks. Alfred barely noticed how he
would blush and giggle whenever the Russian teen texted him, but Matt sure
noticed. His brother always had a keen eye about things like that, but it still
scared Alfred when Matt brought it up over cold cereal one morning.
“So, tell me who this new guy you’re talking to is. He must be something to
have you falling over him the way he is.” Matt asked, and chewed his mouthful
of cereal. “Uh, what are you talking about, bro?” Alfred asked, and his voice
sounded just slightly nervous. It wasn’t that he was scared of telling his
brother that he was crushing hard on a Russian college student (and after Kiku,
Alfred was sure Matt wouldn’t even be surprised,) but Alfred still hesitated to
tell him. He had had a hard time even admitting to himself that he was starting
to develop feelings for Ivan, who was moving to America in roughly 2.5 more
weeks. His brother, though Alfred loved him to death, was also pretty bad at
talking about things, even though he always tried to bring up really touchy-
feely subjects at the weirdest times. (Like breakfast, or when Al was in the
shower.)
“Don’t give me that shit, Al. I can totally tell you’re falling hard for some
dude. And if you don’t tell me about this then I won’t tell you about Ned.”
Matt was talking with his mouth full, and Alfred cringed a bit. Matt knew he
hated that. “Yeah, but you forgot the part where I don’t give a shit about you
and Tim.” Alfred said bluntly, and took a bite of his own cereal. “I know you
don’t, but it was worth a shot.” Matt said, still talking with his mouth full.
Alfred made a disgusted face, and went to dump his own food in the trash.
“Matt, I swear to god, if you don’t stop talking with your mouth full, I’m
gonna stop eating breakfast with you. And besides, why are you so sure I’m
talking to a new guy, anyways?” Alfred asked, slightly defensively. Right about
that time, his phone vibrated, and he mentally cursed himself as his face went
red. He knew it was Ivan, and he knew that Matt knew that too.
“That’s how I know.” Matt smirked, and dumped out his food. Alfred fidgeted in
his seat, wanting to check his message, but also not wanting to let on to Matt
then he already had. But no matter how much he tried to hide his blush, and the
blinking light on his phone that told him he had a new message, Matt caught on.
“Oh, don’t be an ass, Al. Check it, it’s probably from your boyfriend.” Alfred
didn’t like to give into his brother, but knowing that the text was from Ivan,
who had been giving Alfred an increasingly fast heart rate (and a few awkward
boners) over the past few weeks, he checked his phone.
It was, of course, Ivan, texting Alfred good morning like he had done every
day, even though he was 9 hours ahead of him. (Ivan would text Alfred at all
hours of the day, it made Alfred wonder if he ever slept.) Alfred couldn’t
contain a small squeal of excitement, and quickly typed a ‘good afternoon’ to
Ivan. He grinned at his phone for a moment before he realized that Matt was
still sitting in front of him, smiling knowingly. “So, tell me about him.” Matt
asked again, and Alfred sighed dramatically. “Fine, if it will get you off my
back.” Alfred didn’t know if that was the truth, or if he was just bursting to
talk about Ivan to someone besides Toris. Either way, he went on. “His name’s
Ivan. He’s Russian. I met him on the same site I met Kiku on- but don’t look at
me like that! He’s moving to Virginia in 2 and a half weeks for college, and
he’s promised me we’re going to meet. It’s not gonna be like Kiku.” Alfred was
beaming as he thought about how, in 2.5 weeks, he could actually meet one of
his cherished internet friends, not to mention, he could try to flirt- maybe
something would come of it. He made another (kind of embarrassing) excited
squeal, and Matt laughed.
“Dad would flip his shit. You know he’s really into that stranger danger shit.”
Matt said offhandedly. “Yeah, because he’s a criminal lawyer. Dad thinks
everyone is out to rape you. Ivan definitely isn’t like that.” Alfred laughed
at the notion of Ivan raping someone. Ivan, who had confided into Alfred about
his love for sunflowers and knitting, wasn’t capable of it. “And how do you
know that? I know you Skyped with Kiku a lot, but have you Skyped with Ivan?
Have you ever even seen him?” Matt asked, and Alfred kind of felt his heart
drop. Sure, they had texted a lot, but Alfred hadn’t seen Ivan before. Ivan had
seen him, since he had sent a picture of his face to the Russian, but Ivan had
complained about bad lighting and hadn’t sent one back. Alfred had accepted
that, and had even entertained the notion that Ivan wasshy, but he pulled out
his phone anyways to text Ivan a quick Can I ask u something? When he had
finished, he looked at Matt, and gave him a look that said, ‘shut the fuck up.’
“I’m going to ask for a picture of him now. I mean, we just met, we haven’t
gotten to the seeing each-other’s-faces stage yet. God, Matt.” Alfred
complained. “You really haven’t even seen him yet, and you already have a crush
on him? What if he’s ugly, or you don’t like his accent?” Matt asked, and stood
up from the table. Alfred followed suit and went to wait for the bus. “That
doesn’t matter. And I don’t like him!” Alfred was defensive, and it just made
Matt laugh. “Sure, sure, whatever.” Matt teased, and Alfred threw a slight
punch at his shoulder. “Whatever, just cover for me when he comes here, okay?”
Alfred asked, and Matt nodded. Alfred went to say something else to his
brother, but was silenced as his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out
and unlocked it to see that he had a new photo message, and his heart skipped a
beat.
He opened the message and he saw Ivan. His Ivan. He had sandy blonde hair and
deep blue eyes and  there was a cigarette perched between his pink lips and his
clothes were kind of baggy and he had a slightly larger than normal nose, but
Alfred thought he was absolutely stunning. He couldn’t help but let out some
inhuman sound that showed his excitement, which alarmed Matt. Matt leaned over
to sneak a peek at Alfred’s phone, but Alfred saw him. “See, Matt? Does he look
like a stranger danger kind of guy to you?” Alfred was red and his voice was
squeaky. His heart was beating at least 1,000 times a second- maybe even
faster. Matt smiled and patted Alfred’s back. “He doesn’t. I’m glad you’re
happy, Al.” Matt said, and Alfred smiled a bit bigger. Matt may be awkward and
he may talk with food in his mouth, but Alfred always appreciated how
supportive he was.
But, more important at the moment, was Ivan. Ivan, who was currently displayed
flesh and blood (well, pixels and LED) on the screen of his Samsung Galaxy.
Ivan, whom Alfred couldn’t even fathom a reply to. He clicked back to his
messages and settled for a simple, wow u look gr8!!! He was still blushing as
the bus pulled up. He got on it with Matt, and ignored a few softly spoken
comments about how ‘the faggot must have a new butt-buddy’ from a few kids, and
sat down with his brother in row 8 like he did every day. But, today was
different. Today, Alfred was going to school a lot of hope, and a little bit of
impatience. He wanted Ivan to be in Richmond right then, but he was happy
enough to wait the 2 and a half weeks. Two and a half more weeks, and he would
be Ivan’s, he knew it.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     this chapter did have more to it, but it ended up being 6,000+ words,
     so I cut it in half. expect an update really, really soon.
The day Alfred was supposed to meet Ivan came quickly. Almost too quickly;
Alfred wasn’t emotionally or physically prepared in the slightest. He had
turned up the flirt factor a lot, and had actually sort of admitted to Ivan the
night before that he had a crush on him, and Ivan had responded favorably, but
he was nervous. Really nervous. Not to mention, he still hadn’t come up with
any excuse to tell his Dad why he was going to a café in downtown Richmond yet.
(Sure, his dad had a big murder case he was working on, but he liked to be home
before 5 on weekends. And if Alfred’s day went as planned, he would be with
Ivan at least until 11.) He had been begging Matt to cover for him, and Matt
had agreed to lie about Alfred being a college day at University of Richmond
right as Alfred had to leave to catch the bus that would take him downtown.
The bus ride was nerve-wracking. The bus drove too slowly, but at the same
time, it was going way too fast. Alfred was torn between wanting to see Ivan
right then and there, and being too nervous to even speak correctly. He tried
coming up with scenarios of how the meeting would go in his head, but it was
kind of hard, considering that Alfred had actually never heard Ivan talk, and
the only Russian accent he had ever really even heard was Chekov in Star Trek.
But Alfred still tried hard to keep himself occupied as the bus approached
downtown.
Alfred was starting to sweat nervously as the bus stopped a few blocks away
from the coffee shop he was meeting Ivan at. As he walked towards their meeting
place, there were a few points in time where he honestly thought he would pass
out and not make it to the café. But when he felt his phone vibrate in his
pocket, and he checked it to see that Ivan had sent him a text saying he was on
his way to pick him up from the café, he felt his heart rate speed up, and an
adrenaline rush gave him enough courage to forget about the nervousness he felt
and walk the rest of the way to the café with a smile on his face.
When Alfred finally got the café, he hesitated a bit after the door. Ivan
wasn’t even in the café, and they had never planned on him going in (he said
the crowds of Americans would be too much for him to handle right now, and
Alfred had agreed to go back to his new apartment. He wanted Ivan to be as
comfortable as possible when he went in for the kill,) but Alfred was still
mildly terrified. He decided to ignore the foreboding feeling inside him and
focus on how wonderful it would be to have a friend for once, and maybe even a
boyfriend. Ivan had been responding in an increasingly flirty manner lately,
and Alfred, who would normally doubt stuff like this, was beginning to think
that maybe Ivan actually liked him back. Alfred pushed open the doors of the
café, and waited for Ivan’s car (a cheap white Ford Fiesta he had told Alfred
he had picked up earlier in the day) to pull up outside.
It felt like an eternity before Ivan got to the café, even though it was only
around 6 minutes. As soon as Alfred saw the car pull up in front of the café,
he jumped out of his booth and nearly ran outside, into the sun and into Ivan’s
car. He chose to ignore the nervousness he could feel radiating through his
entire body, and tried to make himself walk calmly to the junky ’96 Fiesta,
though he could tell he was failing pretty badly. The sun shone brightly on the
windows, and caused a glare, but when Alfred saw Ivan’s silhouette in the front
of the car, his heart nearly jumped into his throat. He knew he was blushing
crazily bad, but he didn’t care. He approached the car door, took a deep
breath, opened it, and got into the car.
Ivan was gorgeous. Even more gorgeous than the picture he had sent to Alfred.
Alfred had to stop himself from reaching out to touch the Russian, though he
would have given anything to have been able to pull him into a kiss just then.
Ivan kept his face forward, and a smile played on those beautiful pink lips of
his. Alfred was surely grinning like a fool, and he knew Ivan had to be
uncomfortable with how obviously he was staring at him, but Alfred didn’t care.
He had finally met his online friend, though he did notice something was off
about him.
Alfred couldn’t place what was so off about Ivan until he had driven onto the
street and had turned to smile at Alfred. “Hello, Alfred, it is so nice to
finally be meeting you!” When Ivan smiled at Alfred and showed his teeth, and
that’s when Alfred noticed what had been putting him off the whole time (all 45
seconds) he had been in the car with the Russian. His teeth were yellow, and
dirty, way too dirty for an 18 year old. If it was just his teeth, Alfred might
have brushed it off as some cultural thing, but Alfred had started to notice
things on Ivan that wouldn’t have been on an 18 year old. Slight wrinkles on
his face, a few stray strands of grey in his sandy hair, a bit of fat on his
face and body. The person driving was definitely the same Ivan in the picture
that Alfred had basically scanned into his brain the past few days, but the
Ivan beside him was much older than the Ivan in the picture.
“I-Ivan, uh, hi.” Alfred managed to stammer. How could he have been so stupid?
He didn’t want to believe his dad had been right all those times he had harped
on him about the people he talked to online, but for once, he was right. Ivan
was at least in his early 30’s. Maybe later. Alfred’s heart rate started to
speed up, and he felt dangerously close to passing out, but he didn’t feel any
of the excitement that had accompanied the spike in his pulse earlier. All
Alfred felt now was dread and nausea. He felt worse than when Elizabeta
approached him about Kiku, worse than when his mother left, worse than the time
Matt won in the spelling bee and Alfred came in dead last. He started to
hyperventilate, and his head started to swim, and he vaguely thought back to
the time Matt smoked too much pot his first time smoking and he had had a panic
attack. Feeling tears prick at his eyes, he realized that’s what was happening,
and so did the older man who had- oh god, Alfred thought as he noticed- just
driven onto the interstate.
“Fredka, are you okay?” Ivan asked reassuringly. Too reassuringly. He put his
hand on Alfred’s shoulder and he called Alfred by his diminutive, like he had
been doing for the past couple of weeks, and some sick part of Alfred wanted to
smile. Ivan had been his only hope for a little over a month, and, however
twisted and unfunny the situation might be, some panicked part of Alfred let
out a strangled laugh. He had finally gotten Ivan.
It didn’t take Alfred long to come to his senses, though. He shook off Ivan’s
hand that was rubbing soothing patterns on his back, and turned to face the
older man. He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn’t say a word. He
struggled to get a noise out, any noise at all, that would force Ivan to pull
over to the shoulder and explain why the fuck he wasn’t  18, but Alfred’s panic
had rendered him entirely speechless. Ivan had a smile on his face, and he was
driving slowly. Alfred thought he must want to give him a little bit of peace
before he took him somewhere and probably raped and killed him.
Oh god. Alfred had been beginning to find his voice, had almost found a way to
at least shakily interrogate the Russian, but as soon as the thought that Ivan
could rape him, that Ivan could kill him, crossed his mind, Alfred turned into
even more of an incomprehensible mess. Tears were now streaming down his face,
and he was starting to choke on his own breaths as he hyperventilated harder
than he had ever seen a human hyperventilate. He thought he would die of
cardiac arrest long before Ivan would be able to kill him, and finally made at
least some sort of noise as he started sobbing. He thought of how Matt and his
dad probably wouldn’t even know where to start looking for him, since he told
Matt he’d be at the University of Richmond, and he was definitely speeding down
the interstate leaving Richmond.
As soon as the sobs started to leave his mouth, Ivan’s hand was back at his
shoulder. “I assume you’ve realized by now that I’m not exactly the person I
said I was. But I promise, I can explain to you, Fredka.” Ivan sounded almost
apologetic, like he didn’t want to be transporting a crying minor to some
undisclosed rape-cave. “I will admit to lying and going on the chat room for
teens. But I can promise you, I was not intending to pick up young children. I
was, as I told you, only trying to make friends. I did not lie about being new
to Richmond, and America. I didn’t lie about anything but my age, and I
understand if you want to get out of the car at the next exit, but I wish you
will stay to hear me out. We are friends, aren’t we?” Ivan asked Alfred, and he
sounded like he was almost close to tears. He pulled onto the next exit, and
pulled into the nearest parking lot. Alfred recognized the suburban town he was
in; his family had looked at homes there before his mother left.
The car came to a stop, and Ivan looked into Alfred’s eyes. “Are you going to
give me a chance to explain yourself, or will you leave me?” Ivan asked, and
Alfred felt guilty. Sure, Ivan had lied to him, but Ivan was his friend, and
Alfred had been borderline obsessed with him for the past few weeks. Though
every single part of his brain was screaming at Alfred to get out of this man’s
car, Alfred didn’t find himself moving. Alfred sat in the passenger seat of the
Ford Fiesta, his sobs beginning to die down. Even when he was somewhat calm, he
didn’t get out of the car. He cursed at himself in his mind, he told himself
how stupid he was, but he didn’t get out of the car.
“I’m glad you’ll listen to me.” Ivan said softly, and sighed. “I am 35. I know
that’s a lot older than I said I was, but Alfred, you wouldn’t have ever wanted
to be friends or,” Alfred’s eyes went a bit wider, if it were possible, when
Ivan paused his speech to reach out and grab his hand, and stroke the back of
it with his thumb. “Anything more, if I had told you my real age over text. You
would have stopped talking to me. It was selfish of me, I know, but I thought
you’d be mature enough to be able to handle a man a little older than you… I
love you, Alfred, and that’s why I lied to you.” Ivan finished, and Alfred was
still unable to speak. His mind was going crazy, though. Ivan loved him? After
all the flirting and hoping he had been doing with the Russian, he loved him?
If he wasn’t so terrified, he would have been giddy. Even through his fear, he
felt his face blush a little redder.
“I-I love you, Ivan.” Alfred didn’t want to say those words, especially as the
first thing he had been able to say since he told the man hello, but he
couldn’t help himself. He didn’t even know if what he said was true, but he
didn’t know what else to call the flutter in his chest whenever he talked to
the man. He had felt the same butterflies with Kiku, and he had called it love
then, so it had to be love here too. Even though Alfred had fallen in love with
the 18 year old Ivan, the 35 year old one couldn’t be that much different.
Could he?
Ivan’s face lit up when Alfred said that, and he looked genuinely happy that
Alfred had said he loved him. Even though it was unsure and maybe Alfred lied
about it so Ivan wouldn’t rape and kill him, Ivan seemed legitimately cheerful.
“Oh, Fredka! I am so very happy you would say that! Come, I will take you back
to my apartment and apologize for being such a selfish liar. Is that okay?”
Ivan beamed, and even though he gave Alfred one last chance to get out of his
car, Alfred stayed put. He had been weighing out the pros and cons, and the
pros seemed to win here. Sure, cons, this was Definitely Illegal. Ivan had lied
to him about his age, something that child predators did.
But there were pros, and they outweighed the cons. Like, Ivan definitely didn’t
seem like a child predator. He seemed like a man looking for love, just like
Alfred was a teen looking for love. The age difference was only 20 years.
Harrison Ford married a woman 22 years younger than him! Age was really just a
number, anyways. And then there was the big thing- Ivan loved him. Ivan
actually loved him, and he wasn’t thousands of miles away. Ivan would be his
friend, and his lover, and he would do all of that right in the suburbs of
Richmond. Alfred smiled and he nodded to Ivan saying, yes, he did want to go
back to his apartment.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     HERE'S WHERE SHIT GETS DARK.
     this chapter contains the underage drinking, the rape, the sex with a
     minor, the violence. so, yeah. i'm probably gonna be on a list now,
     so you all better like this.
     also, sorry it kind of ends at an awkward point. if i didn't stop it
     there, the chapter would have been once again 7,000+ words.
They arrived at Ivan’s apartment after a short, silent ride. Alfred had managed
to calm himself down completely. The urge to cry and hyperventilate wasn’t that
strong when he didn’t feel like Ivan was going to rape and kill him. The
apartment was in a somewhat shady part of town, but Alfred didn’t mind that.
Where else could a recent Russian immigrant live? Alfred was starting to even
smile a bit as he sat down on Ivan’s couch. The whole situation was a lot
better now that he was calm. Ivan disappeared for a moment, but he sat down
next to Alfred after a few seconds, a bottle of vodka in his hand.
“Have you ever drank before, Fredka?” Ivan asked, and poured 2 shots out for
them. “Uh, no, but I’ve really wanted to. All my friends say it’s so fun.”
Alfred said, and grabbed one of the shots in front of him. He was nervous about
drinking, no matter how much he may have wanted to do it before. He dipped his
finger into the clear, cold liquid, and brought it to his tongue. He made a
disgusted face when he tasted it, and Ivan laughed. “Straight vodka isn’t a
drink you just sip. You have to shoot it back, like this.” Ivan drank his shot,
and placed the empty glass on the table. “It will burn a bit, but it will feel
nice. I promise you.” Ivan said when Alfred hesitated to take his shot. Alfred
nodded, and drank the whole glass at once.
It burned a lot more than he expected. He coughed and coughed, and hit his
chest, trying to make the sensation go away quickly. He was sure this was
burning a hole straight through his esophagus. Tears started pricking at the
corners of his eyes, and he was sure he was going to cry in front of Ivan
again. He was so distracted by the glass of Hell he had just drank, he didn’t
even notice that Ivan had gotten up and had come back with a can of Mountain
Dew.
“I forget sometimes that not everyone is Russian,” Ivan said, and poured
Alfred’s shot glass about half full of the Mountain Dew. “Not everyone can
drink vodka like we can.” Ivan laughed at his own little joke softly, and
topped off the glass with vodka. Alfred laughed too, though he didn’t really
understand how anyone could handle vodka. He decided he would try the
concoction Ivan had made though, and drank from his shot glass, while Ivan took
another shot of his.
Alfred found this drink much easier to tolerate, though it still burned a bit,
and it completely perverted the taste of Mountain Dew. His mind was starting to
get fuzzy, though, and he could feel his whole body getting warm. He smiled at
nothing, and gladly took another shot when Ivan poured him one. And another,
and another, and his whole body felt heavy, and he took another shot, and he
vaguely realized that Ivan had stopped drinking a while ago, but he didn’t
care. Drinking was great, being drunk was great. Matt would be so jealous when
he found out that Alfred had gotten to drink vodka.
Alfred barely noticed when he nodded off. He did know, however, when he woke up
in a few hours, that he was still half drunk, and his head was starting to
pound a bit. It took him a while to realize that he had woken up in Ivan’s
room, and Ivan was lying on the bed beside him, reading a book. Alfred was
right about him being a dork, and he slurred out a laugh. The noise caused a
stream of pain to shoot through his head, and he groaned. Ivan closed his book,
and turned to Alfred. “Is your head hurting?” Ivan asked, and Alfred nodded,
not wanting to risk saying anything that would make the hangover hurt more.
Ivan smiled when he said that, and Alfred was still too drunk to realize that
it wasn’t the same reassuring smile Ivan had given him before. This smile was
lustfilled, and though Alfred tried to mimic it, he didn’t seem to notice that.
“I can make it better, would you allow me to do that?” Ivan asked, shifting a
little closer on the bed to Alfred, and Alfred nodded. And then, before
Alfred’s drunken mind could wrap around what was happening, he felt Ivan’s lips
on his. There wasn’t any sort of romance to the kiss, and Ivan’s tongue was in
Alfred’s mouth almost immediately. Alfred didn’t care, this was his first kiss,
and he was happy.
Ivan tasted like cigarettes and vodka. The taste of it didn’t appeal to Alfred
much, but the fact that there was a tongue in his mouth was all that mattered
to the hormonal 15-year-old. He kissed back to the best of his ability, which,
due to the alcohol and his inexperience, wasn’t that good, but Ivan didn’t seem
to care. Just as he thought he was getting the hang of the whole kissing thing,
Ivan’s lips left Alfred’s, and Alfred let out a whine. The whine turned into a
groan as they attached at Alfred’s neck, kissing and sucking and licking, and
Alfred was as hard as a rock almost immediately. Alfred’s shirt was torn off of
him, and Ivan’s mouth moved south down his body. His tongue found one of
Alfred’s nipples, and he took the bud into his mouth. Alfred was a moaning mess
at this point, and had started rubbing himself harshly through his pants.
Ivan noticed Alfred’s rubbing, and had removed his pants and underwear in one
fluid motion. He kissed down Alfred’s stomach, and stopped right before he
reached Alfred’s impossibly large cock. “You’re quite big for someone your age,
did you know that?” he asked, and Alfred didn’t respond. His head was swimming
with lust and vodka and he just wanted Ivan’s breath to stop teasing the base
of his cock. He just wanted Ivan’s mouth on his cock. He got his wish, and Ivan
took all of Alfred’s cock into his mouth and had started to suck. Alfred
thought that this was the best thing he had ever felt in his life, better than
the alcohol he had just had, and it had to be better than the pot Matt had
smoked.
Alfred could feel Ivan’s soft breaths on the curls at his base. He knew he
wasn’t going to last long. He couldn’t even last long when he was jerking off
thinking about Ivan. Ivan sucked at his cock for a few minutes longer, and
Alfred came down his throat. Alfred hoped that Ivan didn’t think less of him
for coming so quickly, but he didn’t have that thought for long. He felt a
saliva-slicked finger toying with his entrance, and his eyes went wide. “I-
Ivan, I don’t think I’m ready-” Alfred stammered softly, but Ivan didn’t stop.
“I thought you had told me that you had done this before?” Ivan asked just as
softly, and Alfred groaned when he remembered that, shit, he had told him that.
He had told Ivan that he wasn’t a virgin, that he and Kiku had had sex. He
thought a little lie like that wouldn’t matter, and that Ivan probably was
lying about a few things to, so it evened out (boy, was Alfred right on that
one.) But now, here he was, painfully virginal, with a finger about to enter
his ass.
“I-I lied, okay? I’m a virgin, Ivan, please don’t.” Alfred pleaded, and Ivan
didn’t listen. He felt the finger enter him slowly, and he let out a groan of
pain. It hurt. The saliva on Ivan’s finger wasn’t lubricated enough, and the
stretching felt like it would tear him in half. He had never even experimented
with fingering, though he had been curious. Tears pricked at his eyes, and Ivan
stopped pushing in. “I understand, Alfred. I will make this as least painful as
possible. Relax for me, or it will hurt more.” Ivan said reassuringly. When
Alfred didn’t relax, Ivan let out a small sigh and started to kiss at the
inside of Alfred’s thighs. “I love you, Alfred. Do you love me?” Ivan asked,
and Alfred nodded shakily. “I do love you, Ivan, but-” Ivan cut him off. “This
is what people who love each other do, isn’t it? Let me prove how much I love
you and how sorry I am that I hurt you.” Ivan said, his voice full of
compassion, and Alfred didn’t know how he could say no to that. He wanted to
prove his love, even though he didn’t even know if what he felt was love. Maybe
it was a product of the alcohol still clouding his judgment, but Alfred gave
Ivan a shaky nod.
Ivan pressed his finger all the way into Alfred, and Alfred could feel him
searching inside him for something. Alfred hoped he found his prostate soon, so
the pain would disappear into pleasure like all the websites he had done
research on told him it would. Just when he thought maybe that Ivan wouldn’t
find it, though, a burst of pleasure ran through his body and he let out a loud
groan. Ivan took the opportunity to thrust another finger into Alfred, and
Alfred barely registered the pain now that Ivan was hitting his prostate with
every thrust of his fingers. Ivan pressed in a third one, however, and the pain
returned.
“Ivan, please, no more, I can’t take this. We can have sex another day, okay?”
Alfred asked as Ivan tried to move his fingers in Alfred’s too-tight entrance.
“No, Alfred. I need to show you how much I love you now.” Ivan removed his
fingers, and pulled his impossibly long, hard cock out of his pants. He slicked
it up with saliva, and lined it up with Alfred’s entrance. Alfred started to
hyperventilate when he realized that Ivan really was going to take his
virginity regardless of what he said. Ivan put a hand on his chest, and pushed
the head inside of Alfred. Alfred cried out in pain. It was ten times worse
than the pain of Ivan’s fingers. Ivan was unbearably thick, and Alfred truly
felt like Ivan was going to seriously injure him even though he wasn’t even a
fourth of the way inside him yet.
“If you don’t relax, you’re going to hurt yourself, Fredka. I don’t want to
hurt you, you’re going to need to relax.” Ivan said, and Alfred assumed he was
trying to be reassuring, but Alfred was far from relaxed. There was a 35 year
old man’s dick in his ass, stretching him impossibly wide, and Alfred was sure
that he was bleeding. And, worst of all, Alfred consented to this. Ivan kept
pushing himself in further, slowly, and tears were now streaming down his face.
He had stopped trying to get Ivan to stop, and decided that maybe if he just
took it Ivan would finish soon. He covered his eyes with his arm, and focused
on breathing and trying to relax so it would be over. Alfred stopped thinking
about the man inside of him, and tried to think of what he would do when Ivan
finished.
Once Alfred did that, the pain started dying down a bit. He still felt it, but
the pain wasn’t in the he’s-going-to-rip-out-my-insides way anymore. He
uncovered his eyes, and looked down to see that Ivan was all the way inside of
him. “See, Fredka? It is so much better when you relax. I’m going to move now.”
Ivan said softly, his voice straining slightly. Alfred saw that his face was
red and he was starting to sweat slightly. Alfred nodded and he felt Ivan pull
himself out, then thrust back in.
The pain, which had slowly been dying down in intensity, reared its ugly head
again as soon as Ivan started thrusting in him. Alfred cried out, and tried to
push Ivan off, but the man was far too big for the young Alfred to fight back
against. He beat the man on the back, pushed at him, he even bit him at some
point, but the man didn’t budge. It seemed like all of Alfred’s struggling just
made him go faster. Alfred thought that maybe Ivan liked pain, and forced
himself to stop fighting back. He didn’t want the man getting more pleasure out
of this than he already was.
Speaking of pleasure, it seemed like Ivan had zero regard for how Alfred was
feeling. He hit his prostate every few thrusts or so, and a small burst of
pleasure would hit Alfred and he would whine in need, but it wasn’t enough to
get him excited, and his soft dick lay against his hips. He wished at least
that Ivan would give a rhythm to his erratic thrusts, so he could get a little
more used to the foreign feeling of being pounded into, but it seemed like Ivan
wasn’t even in control of his body anymore. Alfred thought that maybe the older
man was inexperienced; he was a pedophile, currently raping an underage boy,
after all.
Alfred cringed when he had that thought. He didn’t know if Ivan was even really
raping him, since he had said yes at first. But he decided that, yes, he
probably was, since there was a bright red bite mark on Ivan’s pudgy shoulder,
and Alfred knew he didn’t do that out of pleasure. He felt a low whine escape
his throat, and hoped Ivan didn’t mistake it for pleasure. Panic started rising
in his chest again, and the tears hadn’t stopped falling since Ivan first
thrust into him. Alfred didn’t want to have another freak-out while Ivan was
inside of him, since he would probably hurt himself more, and he willed himself
to calm down, just for a few more minutes, just until Ivan finished. He lay
back, tried to make himself relax as much as possible (his ass still felt 10
times too tight) and prayed that Ivan would soon be finished.
Alfred’s prayers were answered, and he felt Ivan cum inside of him. The cum
burned his abused insides, and Alfred whined in pain, before he realized what
Ivan cumming inside of him meant. Any sort of disease on Ivan’s nasty, rapist
cock was now in Alfred. Alfred felt like if he could cry any harder, he would
be. But Ivan was grinning sleepily, and Alfred felt like he could kill him. Or
kill himself, for being stupid enough to even go to his apartment and drink
with him, stupid enough to think he loved this man.
“Did you like that, Fredka?” Ivan asked, as if Alfred’s soft cock and bleeding
entrance weren’t enough of an answer for him. Alfred decided he was going to
lie, so he could get away with the plan he had come up with while he was being
raped. He was stupid for coming here, and now that he was coming to his senses,
he realized that he needed to get out. Sooner, rather than later, would be
best; Alfred had no idea what Ivan was planning past that.
“Y-yeah. It was just weird, since I was a virgin. And you didn’t use a condom.”
Alfred forced a fake laugh, and he tried to stop the panic attack he knew was
coming. “I am sorry, Fredka. We’ll use one next time.” Ivan laughed too, and it
made Alfred almost sick. Alfred looked to the clock, which read 10 PM, and he
hoped that his plan would work.
“Uh, Ivan? It’s been really nice being here, but I’ve got to get back home.” He
said, and raised up, trying to ignore the pain that shot through his entire
body. Alfred was going to ignore it until he was out of Ivan’s house, and could
call his father without fear of Ivan attacking him. The man didn’t seem
violent, but he had just raped him. Alfred didn’t know what to expect with him.
“Do you want me to give you a ride back to your house?” Ivan offered, and that
was the exact opposite of what Alfred wanted. “No, no, then my dad would get
suspicious. The buses here run until 12 on Saturdays, so I can get back to
Richmond.” Alfred said, and got out of bed. He tried to ignore the blood and
cum running down his legs, and the pain shooting through him, and focused on
getting out of this man’s house.
“I think I should take you, Alfred. The buses are dangerous this late at
night.” Ivan said, his voice growing a bit more serious. Shit, Alfred thought.
What if he won’t let me leave? Alfred picked up his clothes that were scattered
around the bedroom. He couldn’t find his boxers or socks, so he slipped on his
jeans without underwear and his shoes without socks. His shirt had been ripped,
so he grabbed a large white shirt on the ground that probably belonged to Ivan.
“But what if my dad sees you driving me home? He’s a criminal lawyer, you know,
he’d get you in trouble.” Alfred said, and started walking out of the bedroom,
ignoring the pain that hit him with each step.
Ivan followed him, and Alfred groaned. “If your father tries to separate us, we
can run away. Wouldn’t that be nice?” Ivan mused. They were in the living room
now, and Alfred’s eyes fell on the glass bottle of vodka still sitting on the
coffee table. He remembered how in the action movies he loved to watch, that
the hero would always smash the bottle and threaten their attacker with the
glass. He thought about how fast he could get to the bottle without causing
himself any amount of pain, and decided he didn’t care. He wanted to get out of
Ivan’s house, and pain was worth it. He didn’t know if Ivan was planning on
stopping him or not, but it would be best to have a weapon.
Alfred decided, in the end, it would be best to walk slowly to the coffee
table. He kept the bottle within arm’s reach, and looked at Ivan. “Look, I- I
really have to get home, okay? I’ll take the bus and I’ll text you. Just let me
get out of here. I can come back next weekend.” Alfred looked deep into Ivan’s
eyes, and Ivan didn’t look like he was going to give anytime soon. Alfred
closed his eyes, and exhaled. “Come on, Ivan. I love you, but I want to get
home.” It was a lie, and it hurt Alfred to say, even though he said it
willingly just a few hours ago. Ivan’s face broke into a smile. “You promise
you will come back next weekend?” He asked, and Alfred nodded.
It was the moment of truth. Ivan seemed to contemplate letting Alfred go for a
minute, and Alfred’s hand was ready to grab the bottle beside him if Ivan said
anything that would hinder him from leaving again. “Okay. You should hurry
though, I think the next bus is about to leave.” Ivan said, and Alfred let out
a sigh of relief. “Okay, I’ll text you when I get to the station.” Alfred said,
and walked to the door as quickly as possible. He heard Ivan call “I love you,”
as he exited, but Alfred didn’t respond. As soon as he was out the door, he
ran. He ran even though it hurt so bad he could cry, and he even took the
stairs instead of the elevator. His heart was beating fast, too fast, and he
was scared Ivan was going to follow him and take him back and keep him forever.
Alfred was stupid, stupid, for coming here.
Once Alfred was outside, he didn’t stop running. He didn’t stop running until
he reached a small 24-hour grocery store a block down the road, and he realized
he had left his phone at Ivan’s. He definitely wasn’t going back to get it, so
he went in the store. The only person in the store was an Hispanic woman behind
the register. Her nametag said she was the manager, and her name was Alejandra.
Alfred, sore from running, limped towards her. “Miss? Do you have a phone I can
use, please? It’s an emergency.” Alfred wasn’t crying anymore, but his voice
was cracking, and he was sure his face was read. Alejandra looked concerned,
and nodded. She brought Alfred to the break room, and handed the phone to him.
Alfred immediately dialed his father’s number.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
     so it's almost done. just this chapter and the epilogue! which may or
     may not get posted until later in the week, since i'm going to
     nashville for a hockey game for a bit. i really hope you all enjoyed
     this story because i feel kinda gross for writing it haha. it ends in
     an awkward place because i kind of cant conclude things??? but i like
     how this story went. thanks for all the kudos because its more than i
     normally get c:
Dad picked up almost immediately. It must have been a lawyer habit. “Arthur
Kirkland speaking,” he answered, and Alfred felt tears stream down his face.
“Daddy, please come get me,” he sobbed, and he felt his legs start to wobble.
Alejandra noticed, and pulled a chair up for Alfred to sit in. She had to have
noticed the bloodstains on his pants when she did it, and Alfred heard her gasp
softly. “Alfred? Is that you? Where are you, what’s wrong?” Dad asked, and
Alfred sat down before he answered. “I’ll tell you when you get here, just,
please, Daddy, I’m hurt.” Alfred was trying to keep his voice comprehensible,
but he was starting to fail. “Alfred, where are you?” Arthur asked again, and
Alfred wasn’t able to answer. He dropped the receiver and buried his head in
his hand as the remnants of his adrenalin rush wore off and what had happened
to him started to sink in. He was raped. He was raped by a man who he thought
he could trust, who had lied to him. Alfred had let it happen to himself; he
got in the car with him, he went to his house, he drank with him, he kissed
him- it was entirely his fault. Alfred vaguely noticed when Alejandra picked up
the phone and told his dad where he was and what she knew in accented English.
Alfred didn’t remember much from the time he called his dad to the time he
picked Alfred up. Alejandra called her brother to come down from the apartments
that were above the store. Alfred thought his name was Alejandro, but he wasn’t
quite sure. He was hyperventilating and dizzy and it was kind of stupid to name
your kids that. Alejandro was a nurse, though, and helped Alfred calm down
enough that by the time his father had come to get him, he was at least
somewhat lucid.
Arthur ran into the store, and Alejandra called him back to the break room. His
eyes widened when he saw his son, bloody and crying and hyperventilating. “Oh,
Alfred, come on. Let’s get you out of here.” He helped Alfred out of the chair
and into his car, thanking Alejandro and Alejandra profusely as he left. Once
he had gotten Alfred buckled in, he started speeding towards the hospital.
“What the hell happened to you, Alfred?” He asked, sounding almost as panicked
as Alfred felt. “H-he, he raped me. He raped me.” Alfred didn’t know what to
say besides that. Arthur’s eyes went wide. “Who did, Alfred? I swear to god,
I’ll get his ass thrown in jail for the rest of his god damn life.” Arthur was
panicked, but he still felt the burning rage of an overprotective father.
“Ivan.” Alfred sobbed, and covered his face. “Ivan who?” Arthur asked, trying
to keep his son talking, which would hopefully keep him from hyperventilating.
Alfred realized he didn’t even know Ivan’s last name, and shook his head. “I
don’t know, Dad. He raped me.” Alfred didn’t want to hear the ‘I told you so’
speech that Arthur would give him if he admitted he met him online just that
moment. He’d tell him after he got medical attention and someone arrested Ivan.
Arthur didn’t press it anymore until they reached the hospital. He helped
Alfred out of the car, and into the emergency room. He yelled and screamed and
verbally abused the poor receptionist until she got them in to see a doctor
before any of the people waiting in line could get in, and it made Alfred want
to smile. At least his dad cared about him.
Once they were with the doctor, Arthur told him they needed a rape kit done on
Alfred. So the doctor, Dr. Adnan, a tall man with a Middle Eastern accent,
changed Alfred into one of those assless hospital gowns and asked Arthur to
call the police to report the assault. Dr. Adnan asked for Alfred’s health
history, which was pretty clean except for a stay at the psych ward last year
after he was outed. Dr. Adnan also asked Alfred to describe the assault, and
Alfred cringed as he had to answer him with his dad in the room.
“So, I went to his house, or, apartment, or whatever. And he got me drunk, and
I was so fucking stupid to get drunk with him, I know. But I- whatever. He got
me drunk and I passed out and I guess he took me to his bedroom. And I woke up
a few hours later, still drunk, and he starts to kiss me. He starts to kiss me
all over and he-” Alfred was quite aware that his dad was still in the room
with a disgusted face. He shut his eyes and he kept telling Dr. Adnan what
happened. “And he sucked my dick. And I came, orgasmed. Whatever. I don’t know
if you needed to know that, but it happened. Then he starts to finger me, and I
asked him to stop. And he didn’t, he said he loved me and this is what people
in love do. And I wanted love. I really wanted love. So I let it happen. He put
3 fingers in me and I started asking him to stop again, but he didn’t. He said
the love thing again, so yeah, I let it happen. And I was fucking stupid. But
he put his- He penetrated me. And this is when I really started to struggle
against him, because it hurt and I was bleeding. He just told me I needed to
relax or I’d hurt myself. Then he started moving, and I started hitting him and
I started biting and I tried to push him away, but I couldn’t do it. Then he
came inside of me, and he let me go like nothing happened.” Alfred finished,
tears starting to prick at his eyes again. He hated that he was crying so much.
“Do you know the man’s name?” Dr. Adnan asked. “Just that his first name is
Ivan. He lives in apartment complex a block away from Alejandra’s Grocery.”
Arthur answered for Alfred, and Alfred was grateful for it. He didn’t want to
say his name. “Is that true?” Adnan asked, and Alfred nodded. Dr. Adnan wrote
some things down on his notebook, and went back to collecting evidence that was
scattered along Alfred’s body. The whole process took too long and Alfred was
exhausted by the time he was allowed to leave. He was hoping he’d get to go
home, and have a shower and try and forget, but Arthur didn’t have the same
plans. He pulled into the parking lot of the city’s police station, and helped
Alfred inside it.
Alfred had to recount the story he told the doctor to the police. They did a
search on Ivan, and they found him pretty easily. His name was Ivan Braginsky,
and he had served time in jail in the Soviet Union for sex crimes before he
came to America. When the police stormed Braginsky’s home, they didn’t find
him, but they found plenty of evidence of the crime; bloody sheets, Alfred’s
clothes and phone, and the vodka bottle Alfred had almost used as a weapon.
Arthur, of course, went on a tirade to find Braginsky, using all of his
influence he had as a respected lawyer, and he was found a few weeks later in
Kentucky. Alfred had to testify against him, and his testimony got Braginsky
put in jail for what was most likely going to be the rest of his life. Though
it got his abuser jailed, Alfred hated every second he stood in the court room
staring at the monster who had lied to him, taken advantage of him, and hurt
him seemingly with no remorse.
But that wasn’t the worst part. The absolute worst part of the entire ordeal
was how Matt and Arthur treated Alfred after it. Arthur threw his son in
biweekly therapy sessions, which made Alfred all kinds of uncomfortable. He
didn’t like having to tell a stranger that he went to Braginsky’s home because
he was a lonely teenager. He didn’t like the rumors that were cropping up all
over the school about Alfred’s repeated absences. He didn’t like that the
freshman that had an uncannily similar appearance to Dr. Adnan seemed to know
things that he shouldn’t have about Alfred. He didn’t like that Arthur ended up
moving them out of Virginia completely, because he said being in the state
might be damaging to Alfred. He especially didn’t like how Matt looked at him
like he was broken, even though Alfred never told his brother the full story,
which made him hurt worse than Braginsky ever hurt him.
But Alfred did like being able to make new friends in the much less homophobic
state of Massachusetts, where Arthur moved them. He liked how his dad spent
more time at home after the incident. He liked that Toris, his best friend in
the entire world, had gotten accepted to a university in Boston, and that this
time Alfred was sure that it was actually someone his age actually going to
college near him, even though he felt pangs of fear shooting up inside him when
Toris announced that he had gotten accepted to an American school. Alfred
especially liked the Valium his therapist had prescribed him.
***** All Is For The Best. *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“To quote Voltaire,” Alfred once told his brother, almost 5 years to the day he
had met Ivan, when the two were drinking whiskey in the apartment they shared
with their boyfriends (even though Matt preferred vodka over whiskey but he
would never seem to bring the liquid around Alfred,) “This is the best of all
possible worlds. And everything that happens is for the best. So I’m thankful
that what happened to me happened.” He took a shot and was able to handle it
much better than he did when he first drank at 15.
“Alfred, don’t bring your English major bullshit into real life. Fucking
nothing that happened to you was good.” Matt said, knowing exactly what Alfred
was talking about, and took a shot himself. Alfred thought it was almost ironic
that Matt still scrunched up his face and coughed when he drank, and Alfred was
able to drink any alcoholic drink with ease (except vodka, which he found made
him unbearably sick.) But Alfred shook it off when he realized that he had been
drank a lot more the past 5 years than Matt had drank in his entire life.
Alfred shut off his thoughts and continued his monologue.
“You say that, but what if it didn’t happen? We would have stayed in Richmond.
You wouldn’t have met Gil, and I wouldn’t have made the wonderful accident of
signing up for a Lithuanian course and bumping into my online best friend from
high school. Maybe what Ivan did to me was a good thing, you know?” Another
shot, and Matt gave Alfred an intense frown. “Don’t even say shit like that,
Alfred. You know that fucker’s burning in Hell for what he did to you. You need
to stop sounding like a fucking John Green novel or I’m gonna stop letting you
get drunk with me.”
Ivan was dead. Arthur had phoned Alfred and Matt up a few days ago and told
them the good news; he had been killed by other inmates when a gang of them
found out he had raped a child. That night, Matt and Al celebrated, and Toris
and Gil did too, even though all they knew about Ivan was that he had hurt the
twins deeply.
Alfred heeded Matt’s threat and continued on with his rant cautiously. “I’m
going to tell Toris tonight. I think he’s been in the dark enough about it. So
go ahead and tell Gil if you want, I know he’s been absolutely dying to know
what the hell we’ve always talked about.” Alfred put down his glass, and took
the bottle of whiskey in his hand. He stared at it for a moment, then raised
the glass to his lips. He took a long gulp of the alcohol, and he had learned
to enjoy the burn that had hurt him so many years ago. He took the bottle and
stood up from the table, wobbling slightly. “I’m going to need this,” Alfred
said softly, and Matt let him take the alcohol, even though he had paid for it.
Alfred walked to his bedroom he shared with Toris, and he waited for him to get
home from class.
-
Toris ended up getting home early, and to his surprise, there was a drunk
Alfred lying on their bed. “Tu gerai?” Toris asked softly, but Alfred put a
hand up to keep him from going on. “I’m too drunk for you to be speaking
Lithuanian, okay babe?” Alfred slurred, and Toris sat down beside his lover,
concerned about why he was drunk and alone.
“What are you-” Toris started to ask Alfred, but Alfred put a finger to his
mouth to shush him. “I… I’m ready to talk about Ivan. And don’t give me that,
‘no, you’re not ready, you’re drunk and you’ll regret it,’ shit, because you
can ask Matt. I decided on telling you when I was sober, I just needed a bit of
help getting it out.” Alfred rambled, and Toris could smell whiskey on him. How
much did he drink? Toris was definitely going to open his mouth to protest,
despite Alfred’s request, but Alfred cut him off before he could even open his
mouth.
“Remember when we first met on that chat site and I was always really lonely?
Around 5 years ago. Anyways. I met this guy named Ivan on there. And he told me
he wanted to be friends, and then he started to flirt with me, and then he
asked me if I wanted to meet somewhere, and I said, hell yeah! Ivan… He told me
he was 18. So I was cool with that, and we meet up and he’s fucking 35. And I
was a dumbass and I fucking went to his house with him and got drunk with him,
because he told me he loved me and I believed him. I don’t really want to get
too detailed in this next part, because I’ve had to tell so many fucking people
every single detail already. The doctors, the police, lawyers, therapists,
Matt… You won’t care if I spare you the dirty parts, will you? I- Never mind. I
passed out and Ivan took me to his bed, and when I woke up, he violently raped
me.” Alfred was silent after that, and even though he wanted to say more, the
words caught in his throat. He looked to Toris, who was staring at him with a
look of shock.
“I… understand why you did not want to meet me when I was accepted to college
in Boston.” Toris thought that that was a stupid thing to say, but that’s all
he could think of to say. He rested his hands on Alfred’s, and he thought he
saw Alfred flinch a bit. “Yeah.” Alfred said softly, and the room was silent
again for a long time.
“I’m really glad I found you, though, even though I tried to forget about most
of my online friends after that happened. I’d give you the big speech I gave to
Matt that involved some Voltaire quotes but you’d smack my face off.” Alfred
stopped talking to laugh for a bit, and Toris smiled a bit when he did. “But I
love you, Toris, and I love Matt, and if I didn’t have you guys, I’d probably
have hung myself by now. Because God knows I’ve thought about that way too
much…” Alfred trailed off and Toris pressed a very chaste kiss to Alfred’s
lips.
“Now that you’ve told me, and now that asshole is dead. So we can work on
moving on now, Alfred, okay? I’ll be here every step of the way. I love you.”
Toris said, and Alfred hugged his chest tightly.
Toris was right. It was finally time to move on. And for the first time since
Alfred had started pretentiously parroting Voltaire’s quote nearly 4 years ago,
he finally could believe what he said. Alfred finally saw hope, and all was for
the best.
Chapter End Notes
     yay, subjectively happy endings! thanks for all the support for this
     train wreck of a story. i'm glad you are all weird as hell like me
     and enjoyed it.
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