Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13820493.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      The_Walking_Dead_(TV)
  Relationship:
      Carl_Grimes/Negan
  Character:
      Carl_Grimes, Negan_(Walking_Dead), Negan's_Baseball_Bat_Lucille_(Walking
      Dead), Saviors_(Walking_Dead)
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Emotions, Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort, Virgin_Carl, Consensual
      Underage_Sex, Episode:_s08e08_How_It's_Gotta_Be, Fix-It_of_Sorts,
      Episode:_s08e09_Honor, just_a_little_info_from_ep_9_not_a_lot, Minor
      Character_Death, Canon-Typical_Violence, First_Time, Anal_Sex, Anal
      Fingering, Frottage, Love, Happy_Ending, Angst_with_a_Happy_Ending, Fix-
      It
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-02-27 Completed: 2018-02-28 Chapters: 3/3 Words: 12349
****** Make My Death Mean Something ******
by AllHallowsEve
Summary
     Carl is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. He wants his death to
     mean something. Negan has no idea the reason behind Carl's attempt at
     being a sacrificial lamb to save his people. And when he finds out,
     things go differently than either of them expected.
Notes
     This is not related to my previous Carl/Negan work "Things Can
     Change..." But it is the one I had hinted about in the comments of
     that one.
     I loved this episode and especially the Carl/Negan interaction at the
     gate. I hated the heart breaking reveal at the end. I was so angry
     over it I decided to write a fix-it.
     This is barely underage because if I am right about Carl's age at the
     time he is almost 18 or may be 18 by now, at least Chandler Riggs is
     already. But I still wanted to use the tags so as to not catch anyone
     unawares.
     As always this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Please feel
     free to point them out so I can fix them and make it better for
     everyone.
***** The Little Asshole Will be the Death of Him *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Negan’s heart leapt upon seeing Carl standing at the top of the gate to
Alexandria.  He hadn’t seen the boy in weeks and he had been breathing easier
for it.  He had been taken by the boy’s bravery from the first time he laid
eyes on him but when Carl had tried to kill him on the steps of Negan’s own
Sanctuary, he couldn’t remember the last time his dick had been that hard. 
Spending time with him, getting to know him, even though it was entirely under
the ruse of needing to punish the kid for the attempt on his life, had only
stoked the unwanted desire that Carl brought to every cell in his body. 
By dropping him back at his daddy’s door he thought he could put the wretched
want for the little bastard behind him. But there was something about the kid
that Negan just couldn’t shake.  It was apparent at the way his body reacted to
seeing the kid standing there defiantly in the face of a horde of Saviors with
grenade launchers aimed at him, that the time away had not rid him of the
illicit desire.
As he listened to the kid speak of making things right between their camps, as
Carl pled for the lives of his people, Negan was moved.  But when Carl begged
for him to be the one to die in punishment, it stole Negan’s breath.  He would
sooner cut off his own hand than kill the kid. 
“Was this who you wanted to be?”  Carl’s words were spoken quietly with a
strength unmatched and unexpected from anyone of his young age.  They
reverberated in Negan’s chest.
But a moment later, at the betrayal of what Carl’s disappearance meant, raw
emotions flooded through Negan.  He was furious. He had honestly been moved by
Carl’s plea.  Not that it would have done his people any good but it felt like
there was a deep connection between the two of them again as there had been
back in the Sanctuary when they were alone.  His feelings turned to bitter
anger and resignation that Carl had only been a distraction while his people
got away.  This couldn’t stand.
 “Find that little asshole!”  Negan’s fury spewed out at his people along with
a string of profanities regarding Carl and his heritage.
On one hand Negan was in awe of how Carl never ceased to amaze him.  The kid
had more cohunes than most of his Saviors.  On the other hand, the people of
Alexandria and the other clans could not go unpunished.  Carl’s bravado turned
Negan’s crank, that was for sure, but this mutiny and insubordination was going
to stop, tonight, no matter the cost and Carl could play a big role in that.
 The Saviors just had to get their hands on the fucker.
He put the swagger back into his voice when he stated adamantly, “I know I
don’t have to tell you all that he is not to be killed.”
Negan knew if he could get Carl under his tutelage while there was still time,
he could mold Carl into an amazing right hand.  He had to get him out from
under Rick’s sway.  Bringing him back to Alexandria had been a mistake.  As
much as it warmed the cockles of his heart to show Rick that his kid had come
to the Sanctuary to do what Rick was too big of a pussy to do at the time, in
hindsight it would have been better to keep Carl where he could be by his
side.  Surely he could handle his desire.  Keep it in check, even with the boy
being near.  He was Negan after all.  There were rules.
Negan wasn’t used to doubting himself or looking at previous decisions and
questioning the outcome.  But that was Carl for ya.  Carl was the most
interesting young man Negan had ever encountered and he liked him.  Probably
too much if he was being honest.  The speech the young man had given had moved
Negan, not just his body, but his emotions.  That, not merely his physical
desire, was the real danger.
He swallowed hard and got his head on straight.  Rick was his primary target
here tonight.  He would deal with Carl when his guys found him.
He told his people to bring Carl to Rick’s house when they found him.  He made
his way there to prepare a proper homecoming for Rick.
Rick showed up unexpectedly before Negan had the chance to really fix the place
up the way he wanted.  But he didn’t mind giving him an ass whooping.
Unfortunately Rick was wilier than the last time they had been this close and
the bastard got away after their knock down drag out.  That was just another
problem that would have to be rectified before the night was over.
Negan’s anger built and chewed at the middle of his back right between his
shoulder blades.  He needed to get out and do some damage.  He swung Lucille
onto his shoulder and left out into the night to enjoy the chaos his Saviors
were wreaking to the town Rick called home.
He sauntered his way through several streets, taking in the carnage around
him.  He saw no hide nor hair of any of the Alexandrians.  He had to give it to
the kid, his plan to distract Negan and get his people to safety worked like a
charm, at least temporarily.  But the Saviors would find then, and then there
would be a harsher hell to pay.
As he took in the beautiful destruction and rapid explosions all around him, he
saw a dark figure a few houses in front of him skulking through the shadows. 
Were his eyes playing tricks on him or was that the outline of the ridiculous
hat Carl always wore?
He looked around the streets and houses but most of this area was already on
fire and filled with smoke.  He realized that as Carl was making his way along
he was throwing smoke bombs to hide his progress.  Smart, but luck was on
Negan’s side.  None of his people were close.  He could hear them calling
orders to each other in the distance but the only movement in the vicinity was
him and the kid.
He took to the shadows, pulling closer to his target.  The kid was good at
hiding, and looking around to watch his back, but Negan was better.  He didn’t
get to the top of the food chain without having skills that he could put into
use when he wanted.
His strides were longer than the kid’s and he didn’t have to be as quiet and
careful as Carl so he was making headway.  Before Carl knew what hit him
Negan’s arm wrapped around his chest from behind and pulled him back against
him.  Carl made a small yelp of surprise.
“Well well, what do we have here?” Negan purred against Carl’s ear.
Carl jerked and tried to get away.  Quick as a flash Negan pulled the blade out
of Carl’s belt and held it up to his throat. 
“Now now, none of that.”  Negan’s voice was low and had a threatening growl to
the simple words.
As Carl moved and squirmed against him, Negan’s desire grew and he had to pull
his hips back and away from the boy so as to not give anything away.  He had to
focus hard to fight the distraction the boy’s body caused being this close.
“Carl stop.”  Negan pressed the sharp edge against the young man’s throat
slightly more, enough that he knew there would be a line of blood from just the
right amount of pressure.
Carl’s mind was a flurry of thoughts.  He had planned a contingency if he were
caught.  It looked like he would be trying to finish what Sasha had started
after all.  He had meant what he said to Negan earlier.  He didn’t want to
die.  But the bite in his side made that inevitable.  At least if he was close
to Negan when it happened, maybe there would be a purpose to his death after
all.
Or maybe he could convince Negan to punish him and allow his death to pay the
price for Alexandria, just like he had offered.  Either end was better than
just dying for nothing, for the stupidity of letting a walker get him after all
this time.  He wasn’t sorry he had helped Siddiq.  He was sorry that his death
would hurt his father and everyone close to him.  But if he could make it a
good death, a worthwhile death, then that would make him happy.
He didn’t count on Negan finding him personally however.  He didn’t count on
the desire that flooded his body with the man holding Carl’s back against
Negan’s chest the way he was.  He didn’t count on the way the man’s obvious
strength shown through the grip he held with just his arm.  It felt like a
vice.  Even the blade against his throat brought about a thrill in his blood
the way violence never should.
The attraction for the monster was unacceptable.  He had done everything he
could to build the hate for him that had filled his heart since he watched him
kill Abraham and Glen.  Yet when he had tried to kill him at the Sanctuary,
unsuccessfully, his body and heart had betrayed him.  While spending time with
Negan, constantly under threat of punishment for trying to kill him in the
first place, he found himself inexplicably attracted to him.  More than to
anyone he had ever been around.  His body and mind were drawn to the horrendous
excuse for a person and he couldn’t seem to shake it.  He had swallowed it down
and tried to forget it every day since it had first happened, but nothing
worked. 
He woke up nearly every morning with a hard on and thoughts of Negan touching
him or just talking to him making it happen every night.  Some nights the
desire was so intense that he didn’t have to touch himself, he just came from
the dreams.  Maybe it was good that he was dying, if that was the kind of
person he was drawn to.  What did that say about the kind of person Carl was
becoming himself if that was the case?
His body was thrumming against Negan.  As he tried to pull away, Negan’s grip
on him became more firm and the knife against his throat bit into his skin.  He
realized in horror that his body was once again betraying him by getting hard
from the smell and feel of Negan so close.
The fight went out of Carl and he went limp against Negan.
Neither was sure who was the most surprised by that.   Both were breathing hard
and both misunderstood why that was the case for the other. 
“Young man you have a lot to answer for so you’ll be coming with me.” 
In a last ditch play Carl dipped his chin and bit Negan as hard as he could
muster where his skin was visible on his wrist, from his leather jacket riding
up in the struggle to hold him in place.
“Son of a Bitch!”  Negan cursed in anger.
He turned Carl around with a harsh jerk and hit him hard across the face with
his open palm.
Carl took a step back stunned and tripped over a loosened brick and went down
hard on his ass.  His hat fell off from the impact.
“Kid you are sorely trying my patience.”  Negan huffed.
Carl stared up at him out from under his bangs, with his good eye, waiting for
what came next. 
Negan stored the knife in his own belt.  Carl could see Lucille on the ground
next to Negan’s foot.  Even lying prone she was menacing.  Carl gave a fleeting
thought to making a lunge but he knew he was too far away and wouldn’t get to
the bat in time. Better to just bide his time and let the nature of the bite on
his side take its course.  It had been burning and itching for a while now.  He
had forgotten it momentarily in the struggle, but it was beginning to throb and
it felt like there was ooze newly seeping out, if the warm trickle he felt down
his side was any indication.  It probably wouldn’t be long now before things
progressed so he should stay as close to Negan as possible. 
His body gave an involuntary shudder about that, which had nothing to do with
his plans to make himself a suicide walker and much more to do with the fact
that staying close would not let him forget his desire for the wretch of a man.
Negan was moving towards him, his long lanky body manifesting grace in spite of
the anger that was palpably thrumming from him.
“What am I going to do with you Carl?”
He loomed large over the boy, his silhouette outlined by fire and destruction. 
He began removing his belt from around his waist.  The action caused Carl to
swallow hard.  His brain went immediately to the act of Negan undressing, which
led to a tightening of Carl’s jeans around the bulge he was sure the eagle eyes
of his nemesis would notice.
“Stand up.”  His tone and the threat of his body brooked no argument.
Carl was confused as to why Negan had left Lucille lying on the ground.  He was
confused about what was about to happen.  He wasn’t sure if he was scared or
excited.  He tried to swallow around his suddenly dry throat.  He tried to
follow the order but his entire body had begun to shake.  He didn’t know if it
was fear, or the illness progressing, or excitement, or a combination of all
three but he felt his body was betraying him.
Negan reached down and took hold of Carl’s left arm, jerking him up
unceremoniously.  He shoved him around and pulled Carl’s hands behind his
back.  He began tying Carl’s hands together with the belt and when it was done
before he could stop himself he ran his hands gently up both of Carl’s arms in
a caress.
He stopped himself with his hands on both sides of the boy’s collar bones,
holding him in place with the slightest of pressure.
He leaned down and rubbed his own scruffed cheek against the smooth skin of the
side of Carl’s face, from behind, pulling his hair back with the motion until
his mouth reached his ear.  He whispered ominously, “You are coming home with
me to do your penance.”
Carl’s entire body shook.  He stopped trying to figure out whether it was the
bite or his desire and just let it happen. 
Negan reached down behind him and grabbed Carl’s hat, and then Lucille,
notching her against his shoulder where she belonged, keeping his other hand on
the belt tight against Carl’s wrists, using it as a handle by which to drive
his prey forward.  He began to whistle happily as he pushed Carl ahead of him. 
Carl moved where Negan directed until they were back with the majority of the
Saviors that were gathered again at the front gate.
“So who has Rick for me?”  Negan asked.
Silence was his answer.  His mood darkened.  “You mean to tell me that in the
busted up state I left that bastard in, the entire group of you yahoos couldn’t
round him up?”
“I’m disappointed to say the least.”  He looked around his group, his brows
furrowed in frustration.
“Well we might not have the Grimes man that we came here for, but we have the
one he will come for.”  He gave a throaty chuckle as he gave Carl’s form a
shake by the arm.
“Ain’t that right ya little bastard?”
Carl stood quietly.  Head down, letting his bangs fall in front of his face. He
wasn’t feeling well at all now but he didn’t want to give the game away.  He
couldn’t risk letting Negan know he had been bitten.  He would most likely kill
Carl immediately and that would not be a winning play for their side.  He had
to hide it until he turned.
“Not so mouthy now that you are all trussed up?”  Negan chuckled.
Negan hand picked a smaller group and told them to stay behind and continue to
scour the grounds and make sure they didn’t come back till they found Rick.
“The kid and I have an appointment to discuss the whereabouts of all his fellow
Alexandrians.”  He slung his arm around Carl’s shoulder and walked him to the
awaiting vehicles.
Carl couldn’t stop the shaking his body was going through now.  He was pretty
sure it wasn’t nerves anymore.  He actually relaxed against Negan and allowed
the man to take some of his weight.  To Carl’s great surprise, the man in
question didn’t seem to mind, his arm just tightened around his shoulder.  That
made Carl swallow hard again.
Carl ventured a glance up at Negan and he was looking down at him as they
walked.  They were out ahead of the rest of the group that seemed to be headed
to the vehicles to return to the Sanctuary.
“It’s okay kid.  I know you’re scared.  You don’t have to be brave all the
time.  I can’t believe the balls on you.  You really had me tricked at the
gate.  I thought you were trying to connect with me and honestly wanted to
sacrifice your life for your people.”  His voice was low, only for Carl to
hear, almost conspiratorially. 
“Pretty cold to trick me that way just as a ruse to get your people clear.  Did
you come up with that plan all by yourself?”  There was the sound of awe hidden
underneath the playful tone Negan was using, but also the sharp quality of a
threat as well.
Carl dropped his gaze and blushed.  When Negan acted like Carl was his equal,
even when he was threatening him, it churned things low in his stomach.  But
this question made it clear that Negan was wanting him to feel childish, which
seemed a spiteful way to hit Carl where it would count.  It hurt Carl more than
he wanted to admit. 
He squared his shoulders but didn’t try to pull away.  Truth be told he was
feeling pretty weak and wasn’t sure he could make the distance if left on his
own.
“It was my plan, and it worked.  Fooled you long enough for everyone to get
away.” He said spitefully, wanting to exude pride, but not sure he accomplished
it.
“Not before I was able to knock the tar out of your daddy though.”  Negan
growled.
“Sounds to me like he got away from you alright.” Carl spit back.
“Son, you are on thin ice.” Negan’s hand on his shoulder squeezed hard enough
to make Carl catch his breath from the pain.
“It wasn’t a lie.”  Carl’s tone made Negan think of confessional whispers.
They had reached the truck out ahead of everyone else.  Negan propped Carl
against the truck as he opened the door for both of them.  It was only then
that Carl realized Negan had his hat hooked on the end of Lucille.
“What wasn’t?”  Negan was watching him closely now.
The boy was beautiful in the flickering orange and yellow light from the fires
burning his home down.  The night left bits and parts of him in shadow making
his features seem more frail somehow, more pale and vulnerable.  The way Carl
was watching him made his heart cinch.  He didn’t know what he was going to do
with this kid but he would be lucky if Carl didn’t turn out to be the death of
him.
“I wasn’t lying to you when I was talking to you at the gate.”  Carl said
quietly.
“The hell you weren’t, it was all just a distraction.” Negan humpfed in renewed
anger from the betrayal.  Not of Carl, but of his own emotions that let his
guard down because of the little fucker.
“No… I mean yes, it was supposed to distract you, but none of it was a lie.” 
Carl managed to get out before Negan manhandled him up into the truck.  He
barked out some orders to the people getting closer to the truck and their
errands left the two of them alone in the truck but Carl wasn’t sure how long
that would last.
“I meant every word I said at the gate.  If you want a sacrifice, if that will
make you go easier on my people, I will gladly be it.  I do want this to be
some kind of peaceful solution.  I don’t know if there’s a way to make that
happen, but if there is, that’s what I want.  I don’t want a constant war.”
“Your daddy wants my head on a platter.” The gruff statement was softened by a
grin of relish at the ass whooping he would give him again when Rick inevitably
tried.
Carl nodded in agreement to what the man stated as fact.  Negan plopped the hat
back on Carl’s head, without a word about it, making Carl’s eye go wide in
surprise at the return.  He had assumed Negan would keep it out of spite.
“And not too long ago you came busting into my Sanctuary cutting down my men
trying to get to me to kill me yourself, ya ballsy asshole.”
“You’re right.  But I see now that this war could go on indefinitely until all
our groups are dead.  I don’t want that.  I don’t think that works for you
either.  I don’t know how to solve this so that we can all live in peace but
there has to be a way without the peace coming only when we’re all dead.”  The
outburst exhausted Carl. 
He slumped back against the seat which put him shoulder to shoulder with
Negan.  It was all he could do not to lean on the man, on his captor.  He had
to remember to think of him that way, not the man he wanted something else
from.  He couldn’t believe, even as his body was dying slowly, it wanted the
man next to him, wanted to touch him and be touched by him.  He couldn’t
believe his mind was going there in the middle of all this.
Negan took a hard look at Carl.  His color was off.  The kid looked like he
hadn’t slept in days.  “What’s wrong with you, kid?” 
Carl panicked.  He couldn’t let him know.  “I haven’t been sleeping thanks to
the war you are in with my dad.  You took most of our food and I am starving,
haven’t really eaten in two days.”  He tried to sound as bitter and frustrated
as he would be if he weren’t so scared and confused.  “You expect me to be in
fine shape after all this?”
“Don’t worry kid, we don’t have the best rations anymore thanks to what your
dad’s band of mutineers has been up to, but we have enough to fill your belly
and you can rest easy tonight knowing you’ll be safe with me.”  Negan finished
it off with a wolfish grin.
Carl scoffed at that.  He rested his head back against the seat as one of the
Saviors got in behind the wheel to drive them away. 
Chapter End Notes
     So I began this story immediately after Episode 8 aired. I was livid
     with the way Scott Gimple treated Chandler Riggs and completely
     ruined the many and varied Carl-Negan wonderful future interactions
     that were coming from the graphic novels. So I had this story all
     planned out in my head with where I ultimately wanted it to go as a
     fix it for my anger.
     (Mild spoilers for Season 8 Episode 9 so beware if you haven't
     watched it.)
     The way they showed Carl handling everything with such strength and
     grace completely threw where this was going into a spin and I am not
     really sure how I am going to finish it. I had an idea about exactly
     how I was going to finish this story, but then his beautiful death
     went and threw me for a loop. On one hand I want to honor that
     strength he showed, but I still hate what happened and need to
     resolve it. So hopefully by the end of this story it is still a fix
     it but if not, I apologize in advance and will change the tags
     accordingly.
     I will also be changing the tags for future chapters because it has
     loads that will earn the explicit rating, so when I get there I will
     add specifics to the tags.
     I already have a huge portion of the smut written, I am just trying
     to work out the ending so not sure how many chapters are coming yet
     but at least one more that is very smutty.
     Hope you all enjoy and as always I look forward to any comments you
     guys might throw my direction.
***** From Bad to Worse *****
Chapter Summary
     So Negan's night isn't going as planned. As things progress it gets
     worse and worse for him.
Chapter Notes
     So the story is now finished, I am just putting the final edits on
     the last bit. It ended up being three chapters instead of two, to my
     surprise. I hope you aren't too disappointed that the smut doesn't
     come yet in this chapter either. As I was writing it I decided to put
     a little bit of Episode 9 info in here so beware of minor spoilers if
     you haven't caught up with that episode.
     As always this chapter is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Please
     point any out to me so that I can make this better for everyone.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
He must have fallen asleep from the rocking of the truck and the warmth of
Negan’s body along his entire right side where they were touching.  Because the
next thing Carl heard was “Rise and shine sleeping beauty.”
The door of the truck was suddenly open and Negan was pulling Carl
unceremoniously out to land beside him, but his legs would no longer hold him
upright.
He began to fall but Negan’s strong arm was there to catch him around the
waist.  Carl’s vision was fading and he wasn’t sure what was happening but he
felt incredibly hot and freezing cold all at the same time.  His body began
shaking uncontrollably and he passed out.
Negan felt the boy’s body shivering against him, to the point he could barely
hold him up with just one hand.
“Take Lucille.”  He ordered the Savior that had been driving them, that was
currently standing by his side.  He cut a look at the man and let him know he
meant business “No harm is to come to her.” 
The man nodded emphatically.
In one smooth motion Negan picked Carl up in a princess carry and shouted,
“Someone get the doc out here.”
A female Savior was standing guard by the door of their temporary safe haven,
that they had moved everyone to, in order to stage preparations for taking over
the Kingdom, while the Sanctuary was rebuilt.  She came running his direction
upon hearing his last order.  “The doctor is missing along with the priest from
Alexandria.”  Fear was plain in her voice at having to be the one to deliver
the news.
“What the fuck are you telling me?”  Negan shouted in a rage.
“I don’t know how it happened but they were both suddenly gone.  The guy
guarding the door was taken ill and when he recovered they were both missing.”
“Heads are gonna roll people!”  Panic was beginning to climb up Negan’s spine. 
He didn’t know what was wrong with Carl.  Now that he was really paying
attention, the boy seemed clammy and pale like Gabriel did after their gut
covered excursion through the horde of walkers.
Panic and fear weren’t emotions Negan was accustomed to feeling.  He pushed his
way past the two Saviors that were crowding him now and made his way hastily to
his own room in the new facility.
He began barking orders for people to bring any meds that had been used for
Gabriel and any antivirals, anti-inflammatories, along with antibiotics and
something to get a fever down as well. 
“Hell just bring everything we have!”  He growled.
He also ordered a search for anyone who had helped the doctor or had rotations
in the infirmary at any time in the past to come help.
Negan put Carl down gently on his bed, releasing his hands out from behind
him.  He removed the gun and holster from where it was attached low on Carl’s
left thigh. He doubted in Carl’s present condition he would have enough energy
to use it, but Negan had made enough mistakes because of this asshole for one
night.  If he hadn’t been trying so hard to control his hard-on earlier he
would have taken the gun when he tied his hands, but somehow his attraction to
the kid kept causing his brain to malfunction and do things in risky ways. He
hurried to the bathroom at the back of the room to get a cold rag to mop Carl’s
head.  He looked at himself in the mirror and stopped in his tracks.  His face
was pale and as worried as he could remember seeing it.  What is wrong with me?
He shook himself and tried to remember that he was Negan for Christsake.  He
couldn’t be fluttering around like a husband waiting on the birth of his first
kid.  He had to get his shit together.  Yet the thought of leaving Carl’s side
seemed to short circuit his brain at the moment. 
Okay, first things first, he needed to get his council together and get the
reports for how the raids had gone at the other compounds for the night. 
Luckily the new facility was short on space and they had been meeting in his
room as an impromptu office that afternoon.  They’d held a war council here
before going out to wreak revenge upon the upstarts.  So no one would think it
strange that he demands they hold their next meeting here as well. That way he
could keep up appearances while still keeping an eye on Carl. 
He went back to the kid, and was shocked that in the short time he was in the
bathroom, Carl seemed to be twice as pale and completely catatonic.  He removed
the stupid hat Carl seemed to go nowhere without and laid it on the nightstand
next to the bed.  His skin was chalky white with grey circles under his good
eye.  The area around his nose and lips were shades of bright pink.  His hair
was pasted to his head from sweat.   Negan slowly brushed it out of the kid’s
face and used the damp cloth to wipe gently across his skin.
Carl moaned but didn’t open his eyes.  Negan’s heart clenched in pain.  He
continued wiping, moving the cloth down Carl’s throat and noticed for the first
time how long it was, and how frail it looked.  He used his fingers to brush
Carl’s long hair, away from his neck, across the pillow and realized it was the
softest hair he had felt, maybe ever.  None of his wives hair felt like this. 
He ran his fingers across Carl’s cheek and forehead.  The kid was burning up.
He had to get him cooled down somehow.  He began to unbutton the shirt the kid
was wearing so that he could rub him down with the cool cloth.  He realized
once it was open that there was a bandage low on the right side of his torso. 
He wasn’t sure when the kid had gotten hurt but by the looks of the puss
draining down his side the wound might be infected and needed to be tended to. 
Maybe that was why the kid was so sick.  An infection was a dangerous business
and them stuck with no doctor made his teeth grind.  Fucking priest. He stood
angrily and went to the bathroom and to retrieve fresh bandages, alcohol, and a
clean towel.
He should wait until the others got back to his room and have someone else
clean and dress it, but he couldn’t bear the thought of someone else touching
Carl.  He pulled the ruined gauze away and gasped in despair at what he saw. 
It wasn’t just a wound, it was a bite.  The kid had been bitten.  No wonder he
was sick.  The fever made sense now. 
“Fuck kid.”  Negan whispered under his breath.
He quickly cleaned the wound and put fresh dressing on it.  He didn’t know what
he was doing.  The kid was a nuclear bomb waiting to go off and he should end
him here and now.  But he couldn’t.  Thoughts of how he regretted not ending
his wife flooded through him.  His heart ached to think of a world without
Carl.  Now that he knew it would be so, he could admit to himself that this
young man meant more to him than anyone he has known since the world changed. 
He could see himself making a life with this young man. He wanted to protect
him, to keep him safe, to see what could develop between them.  He cared for
him more than he had for any of his wives.  There was something about knowing
that Carl was dying that allowed him to be honest with himself, for the first
time since meeting this kid, seeing his bravery every time he had encountered
him just twisted him up inside.
The memories flooded through him of how the kid had sung to him and wouldn’t
bow in the face of Negan’s threats.  How his lip had quivered when he spoke of
having to kill his mom.  How his face had flushed when Negan had told him his
ruined eye made him a badass and not to hide it.
This kid could be the death of him, literally, if he allowed him to die and
turn while near the Saviors.  And yet… he couldn’t bring himself to do what he
knew needed doing.
He got rid of the nasty used bandage and pulled the kid’s shirt back together
and buttoned him up.  He placed the initial wet rag on his forehead to try to
cool him off and stalked to the open doorway.
His voice bellowed down the hall as he yelled “Where the fuck is everyone with
those supplies?”
Three separate Saviors came running down the hallway, arms full of meds and
fluid bags.
Amy was the first through the door and now he could remember that she had spent
the most time with the Doc helping out.  If his memory served correctly she had
been an EMT before the world was reborn into chaos. 
“Get in here and get the boy hooked up to fluids.  Get some antivirals into him
as well.” His voice gruff from anger and grief.
“Shouldn’t we save this stuff for our people?”  She asked in confusion.
“Are you questioning me?”  He turned all his rage at her.
“No Negan, of course not, I’m sorry.”  She wouldn’t meet his eyes and just went
to work trying to get an IV started in Carl’s limp pale arm.
“Do you know what we’re fighting here?”  She asked finally meeting his gaze.
He took just a beat before responding, “I think he must have covered himself in
walker guts because his symptoms are mirroring that of the priest from when he
did the same thing.”
“We should keep a guard on him then in case he turns.”  She suggested as she
worked.
Negan cleared his throat waiting for her to look up at him.
It took a minute but then she realized the meaning of the silence.
He reached over to where Lucille had been leaned against the bedside table,
picking her up slowly, making sure Amy was watching every move, and rested the
bat on his shoulder once he had the woman’s full attention.
“I’m sorry Amy, I didn’t realize you were now in charge of this here outpost. 
Do you have any other orders for me to carry out?”
He tilted his head and looked down at her expectantly, his body thrumming
menacingly.
He watched as her hands began to shake.  She swallowed hard. 
“I didn’t mean… I …”  she took a deep breath.  “I’m so sorry, I just wanted to
keep you safe.”
He huffed and looked at Carl’s still body.
“Just get back to work.”  He turned his attention to the two men who had
brought supplies as well. 
“What are you two waiting on, just put the supplies down and get back to it.”
He was even more abrupt than normal. 
“Sorry Negan but we thought you should know that the troops you sent out are
starting to report back in and Laura is on her way back here with news.
“Why the fuck is it Laura and not Dwight?  Has something else happened?”  He
could feel his shoulders tense.  This night started as a triumphant vengeance
in Alexandria and even though he hadn’t captured Rick he had been happy about
taking Carl under his wing again.  Then the little fucker had gone and gotten
himself bit and now Negan couldn’t even get his head out of his own ass about
it.  He was ready for some good news, not more bad.
“From what it sounds she’s almost here and said she would explain when she saw
you, she just wanted to make sure you knew she has news.”
Negan was tired of these two.  “Okay just get on with your own assignments but
make sure the front guards let Laura know where I am when she gets here.  Have
her and Simon and Gavin all report in to me here when they check in.”
He turned his back on them and went to find a chair to pull up next to the bed
to keep watch on Carl when Amy finished her ministrations. 
By the time he got the area lined up the way he wanted she was done. 
She looked up at him in trepidation from her earlier missteps.  When he nodded
his head for her to continue she reported “I started an IV to get his fluids up
and keep him from getting dehydrated.  I gave him a shot to fight the fever and
one to counteract any infection if that is what this is.  We only had a few
anti-inflammatory meds left but I hooked a bag up to him as well.”
She looked at the chair by the bed.  “Do you want me to stay with him?”
“No I want you to go set up the infirmary.  You’re in charge of that since the
Doc is missing.  I want everything organized and ready for anything else that
might come from this clusterfuck of a night.”
“Right away Negan.”  She lowered her eyes as she stood up to leave.
“Now see, was that so hard?  It’s like everyone has lost their damned minds all
of a sudden.”  He realized he was exhausted.
“Have someone bring me some food.”  He added as an afterthought.
She nodded and ducked out of the door.
The Saviors must have spread the word of his foul mood so the food came almost
immediately.
He looked at the food and couldn’t bring himself to eat.  It felt like there
was a load of charcoal briquettes burning away in his stomach.
He looked down at Carl as he sat next to him.
He moved the damp cloth off his head and picked up a dry one.
He began to pat Carl’s brow and neck.
“What am I gonna do with you, kid?”  He began combing his fingers through
Carl’s long locks again almost absently as he watched the kid’s one good eye
move under his lid as if he were dreaming.
Negan picked up Carl’s right hand where it lay slumped by his side.  He held it
between both of his own.  He noticed how much smaller it was.  The kid wasn’t
even finished growing yet.  How could he have had such illicit thoughts about
the boy?
He looked down at his face and realized it was almost angelic in nature.  His
lips were pale pink and partially open.   The redness that had surrounded his
mouth and nose earlier had mostly faded.
He heard commotion out in the hallway and tenderly placed the kid’s hand back
down on the bed and stood up to see what was happening.
Laura stormed in unceremoniously.  He could see fury on her face.
Before he could ask any questions she spit out, “It was Dwight, the traitor was
Dwight all along!”  She stood huffing angrily once her news was out.
He picked up Lucile and hit it against the doorframe so hard that the frame
splintered.  He put her down next to the bed, it would be just the cap on this
shitstorm of a night if he messed around and damaged Lucille before he could
split Rick’s head open with it.
His teeth were gritted so tight he doubted Laura would have been able to hear
his next words if the noise from his outburst hadn’t quieted the entire place.
“Where is Dwight now?”
“With some of the mutineers as far as I can guess.  He led us right into an
ambush and I barely got away.”
Negan wanted to destroy everything in sight, just rip the world apart with his
bare hands.  Instead he held himself together.
“Go see if you can raise Simon or Gavin on the radio.  Find out how they fared
with their assignments.  Hopefully better than you did.”
He could see that she thought his statement wasn’t reasonable given that they
had all been fooled by Dwight.  But unlike Amy, Laura knew her place without a
shadow of a doubt, and wasn’t foolish enough to question him, especially when
he had just been so disappointed.
She turned on her heel and left to follow his orders.  But before she got out
of his sight one of Gavin’s crew came careening down the hallway past her,
causing her to reverse her trajectory and follow in his wake.  He was wobbling
back and forth awkwardly and it was obvious he had been beaten and bloodied. 
“Son of a bitch!”  Negan wanted to kill the fool before he could report
whatever the hell had happened to him.  He couldn’t believe this conundrum of
fuckery that used to be his well oiled machine.  His head was aching from the
anger he was trying to contain within it, that had no release in sight.
“Gavin’s dead.  I barely got away.  I don’t know what happened.  We had invaded
the Kingdom but that bastard Ezekiel tricked us and got all his people out.  We
captured him and were waiting, while all the weapons and supplies were gathered
up, but then no one was answering Gavin on the walkie.  Then it was like the
world exploded.  There were shots coming from everywhere all at once and we
were massacred.  Gavin got away and I was left for dead but snuck around to try
to find Gavin so we could come back here, but then they killed him too.  It was
all I could do to get back here.”  He finally stopped for a breath and looked
at Negan, hoping to be dismissed so he could seek out the doc and get his
wounds tended to.
He had no way of knowing how poorly the night had gone in every other way, but
he didn’t need to worry about anything for long.  Negan reached down slowly, to
where he had tied Carl’s gun to his own left leg, and before the useless man
even had a chance to truly catch his breath, Negan shot him through the head.
The sound ricochet all through the bunker and silence fell like a blanket. 
Then all hell broke loose.  Saviors crowded the halls trying to get to Negan to
make sure he was safe.  Laura yelled at them in frustration to go back to their
posts.  And then thought better of it and barked an order for the useless man
puddled at her feet to be taken out and disposed of.
She looked to her leader, trying to make her face as blank as possible.  A full
minute passed before he put the gun back in the holster and sighed.  “Find out
what’s going on at Hilltop. If something has gone wrong I don’t want to know. 
In fact if something went right I don’t want to know.  I need some rest before
I face anymore bullshit from any of you tonight.  Unless this fucking place is
invaded and set on fire, make sure I’m not disturbed until morning.  Do you
understand me?” 
She nodded solemnly.  
“If I am disturbed for anything less than potential utter annihilation I will
hold you personally responsible.”  He said it slowly, as if she were a child.
It burned her up that she was being treated this way, but as she looked at the
fresh shiny blood splattering her shoes and covering the floor all she said was
“Yes Negan.” 
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you all so much for the kudos and comments. You guys overwhelm
     me with your support. I got some great suggestions and I hope you all
     like the final chapter which has all the good smutty bits. I hope you
     are happy with the way I wrap things up. The E rating will definitely
     be earned in the next chapter so if you don't like that kind of
     thing, maybe you should stop here. (But really if you don't like that
     kind of thing, you shouldn't be reading anything I write because I
     can't seem to write anything without some form of smut :) )
***** Beyond What Either Expected *****
Chapter Summary
     Carl convinces them both to have what they want before it is too
     late.
Chapter Notes
     Pay attention to the new tags. I hope it lives up to your
     expectations of the E rating. And I hope you all enjoy how I wrapped
     things.
     As always this chapter is unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own. Please
     inform me of any you find so I can make this better for everyone.
     I was kind of in a hurry to get this out and done. My heart couldn't
     take it anymore so there may be lots of errors and if so, I
     apologize.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
He closed the door and had to put his shoulder into it because of the wrecked
doorframe.  He locked it to keep it closed. At least that was the excuse he
told himself.
Now that he was alone and wouldn’t be interrupted he didn’t know what to do. 
He wasn’t used to feeling that way.  He took his plate and sat next to the
bed.  He watched Carl sleep fitfully as he ate.  He barely tasted the food and
it sat like a rock in his stomach once it was finished.
He began brushing Carl’s hair again with his fingers.  He couldn’t seem to keep
himself away from the young man’s hair.  He touched his face gently smoothing
over his skin, inching closer to the wounded eye that was gruesome but
fascinating, hidden under the useless gauze.  Carl’s skin was cooler but he
wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a sign of impending doom.  The bag of
fluids and meds hanging above the bed were both empty so he unhooked them from
the IV in Carl’s arm.  He taped over the end with some surgical tape Amy had
left on the bedside table next to the bottles of remaining medicine, to keep
Carl from ripping it out in his sleep if it turned violently fitful.
He wondered if the kid would even wake up before he had to put him down?  Could
he put him down?  He had changed so much since his wife.  He regretted
confessing to the priest. 
What was wrong with him?  He made a vow to himself once he took over the
Sanctuary.  He would never again question or doubt himself, he would never
again regret anything he has done in his life. 
Somehow he felt this was all Carl’s fault.  Ever since the day the kid came to
the Sanctuary trying to kill him, he had felt a connection to the little
asshole.  He thought of him often when he was alone.  He found himself
wondering day to day if the kid ever thought of him in the same way.  He
questioned what the kid would think if he knew how many times he had thought of
him while he was fucking one of his wives, or how many times he had thought of
Carl’s beautiful lips around his dick instead of his wives’ mouths.  He had
tried to ignore the attraction.  Tried to deny it.  But now that he knew the
kid was not long for this world, what was the point of denying it?
He ran his thumb across Carl’s bottom lip and the boy moaned.  Negan’s dick
throbbed.  Carl’s eyes began to flutter and Negan went to pull his hand back
but Carl’s hand came up and held it against his face.  His pale blue eye opened
and looked at Negan, his captor, his obsession. 
Carl wasn’t sure where he was.  He didn’t know what had happened since being in
the truck leaving Alexandria.  He vaguely remembered being pulled from the
vehicle and then nothing.  He did know he was dying.  He had no clue how long
he had been out.  Wasn’t sure how long he had left.  He was disoriented and
couldn’t concentrate on anything but how good it was to have Negan this close,
to have his attention fully on him.  And have Negan touching him, in what
seemed like real intimacy.  He had been coming to out of a fog for a few
minutes and had felt Negan’s ministrations that he perceived as anything but
medicinal.
He knew he should be focused on taking Negan out, but all he could do was feel
how much it hurt his heart to have Negan this close and be so confused.  He
didn’t know why he wanted this man, this monster.  But he was dying and he
couldn’t find it in him to care about what anyone else might think. 
His hand felt so good against his skin.  His fingers were rough and callous and
made his skin tingle with each touch.  When Negan had rubbed his thumb across
his lip, Carl couldn’t stop the moan that escaped.  He had been embarrassed but
when he opened his eye and saw want mirrored back at him, his breath caught in
his throat. 
He hadn’t dared to believe the man could want him as much as he did in return. 
Yet the fact was staring him in the face.  It could be delirium he supposed. 
He was dying after all, but he didn’t think it was an illusion made up by his
mind.  What did he have to lose?
He turned his head and pulled Negan’s hand closer against his lips.  He
breathed in the smell of him.  He was warm and he smelled of leather, wood and
something harsh and musky.  It made Carl ache.
Negan let Carl move his hand as he wanted.  He didn’t know what was happening
and he could barely breathe from it.  Carl’s lips formed a kiss against his
palm.
“Kid, what are you doing?”  His voice was low, almost a whisper.
“I could ask you the same thing, you know.”  Carl’s tone matched his quiet one
in return. 
“I’m the one that woke up with you touching me, remember?” There was a
mischievous quality to Carl’s voice that given the circumstances Negan couldn’t
quite believe was possible.  Carl kept amazing him even on his literal death
bed.
“What am I going to do with you Carl?”  Conflicting emotions were writ large
across the older man’s face.
Carl realized that it wasn’t just desire he saw there, but pain and sadness. 
Could it be that he had found the bite?  His kamikaze idea of using his death
to take Negan out was for naught if that were the case.  It did surprise him
though that Negan was this close to him if he had found the bite.  He could die
at any moment and Negan was crazy to be in this proximity if he knew.  Surely
he didn’t. 
“How’d it happen kid?” 
There it was, the sadness was indeed over the bite.  Carl sighed.  “Could I
have some water?”
Negan reached for water and also for some more pills. 
“Take these with it.”  Negan turned back to him and handed him water and some
medicine.  That is when Carl realized that there was an IV port in his arm.
“Why are your treating me?”  Carl asked confused.
It was Negan’s turn to sigh.  “I didn’t know you were bitten until I had
already told my people to hook you up and get meds started.  They don’t know
about the bite and I want it to stay that way as long as possible.”
“Why?”  Carl didn’t understand what was going on.  Negan was the most ruthless
monster he had ever encountered but he was being kind to Carl.
When he stopped to think about it though, Negan had always been kinder to Carl
than anyone else Carl had seen him interact with.
His heart was pounding hard and he didn’t think it had anything to do with the
poison of the bite running through his body.  He tried to sit up a little and
propped himself up against the headboard.
“Jesus! Carl, you are a pain in my ass with all these questions.”  Negan was
stalling.  He didn’t know what to say to the kid.  He had just been found
fondling the kid while he was passed out.  Granted it was just his face but
still.  The kid had then surprised him by kissing his hand.  What the fuck was
that about?
“You could just kill me and get it over with.”  Carl huffed.
“So that was what the talk about sacrificing yourself was all about.  You knew
you were dying anyway and you wanted to make it count.”  Negan would never get
over the kid’s bravery and intelligence, especially for someone so young.
Carl swallowed hard.  To hear him say aloud that he was dying.  That made it
somehow more real.  But as he watched Negan, there wasn’t pity in his eyes. 
Sadness yes, but not pity.  Negan had never treated Carl as a child, not the
way any of the others did. 
To hell with it.
Carl reached up and touched Negan’s face.  His grizzled salt and pepper beard
was softer than it looked.  Negan froze.  His heart pounded hard against his
chest, like a captured bird beating against a cage.
He watched Carl’s face as he touched him.  His expression was curious and
gentle, yet there was a determination there, like he was on a mission.
Carl swallowed hard again.  He had never touched anyone like this.  He had
kissed Enid, but his feelings for her never felt like this.  His body felt like
it was on fire, but not in the way the bite fever felt.  This was like every
pore in his body ached for Negan. 
He ran his hand down Negan’s throat and he could feel his Adam’s apple bob
against his fingers when Negan swallowed.
“What are you doing kid?”  It was barely a whisper.
“Whatever I want.  Like you said, I’m dying anyway so I might as well do what I
want, and I want to touch you.”  Carl took a breath, “And I want you to touch
me.”
“Jesus Christ!  You are an asshole!” Negan’s body shook.  “You wait til you’re
dying to do this?”
Carl huffed again, but this time it was in laughter, which hurt his side and
made the bite pull, but he couldn’t be bothered to care.
“When exactly should I have marched up to the Sanctuary and said ‘Mr. Negan
sir, do you think you might want to take time out of being a jackass to
everyone and spend some quality time hooking up with me?”
A surprised laugh left Negan before he could stop himself.  It felt
bittersweet.  This kid was a miracle.  And he was dying.  He was so angry he
wanted to burn this bunker to the ground and them with it, if it would just
stop this night from hurting him so badly. 
But the kid was still touching him.  Caressing his throat and back up to his
face. 
“You know I could turn any moment.”  Carl throat hurt and closed up at the
truth of it.  He continued with determination. “Why are you here like this, and
not bashing my head in as we speak?” 
“I don’t know kid.” Negan watched in awe as Carl continued to touch the man
that everyone in four districts was scared shitless of.
“But if you keep touching me like that, I don’t think I can stop myself from
doing something in return.”  His voice was husky.  Negan wasn’t sure if it was
desire, fear, or sadness that made it so, but he decided it was probably all of
the above.
“Don’t stop yourself.”  Carl couldn’t help the tremor in his voice.  He wasn’t
quite sure what he was asking for, but he knew this was his last night on earth
and he desperately wanted anything this man would give him. 
“Carl, you’re just a kid.”  Negan knew it was a low blow but he didn’t want to
hurt the lost soul lying in front of him.  Everyone thought of him as a
monster, but he didn’t take advantage of kids.  Until now, he had never even
been attracted to a male, and he couldn’t believe that he was even considering
anything with this young man.
“I know you don’t see me that way.”  Carl’s chin jutted out in defiance. 
“If you truly did, you wouldn’t be here, touching me, letting me touch you.” He
struggled to sit up higher against the pillows. 
“Carl, you’re sick.  You need to rest.”  Negan’s attempt sounded weak even to
his ears.
Carl frowned up at him.
He rubbed his thumb across Negan’s lip, mirroring what he had been doing when
Carl regained consciousness.  A gasp was pulled from the older man in response.
“Resting won’t make me better and you know it.”  Carl didn’t know where the
courage came from.  But he truly felt he had nothing left to lose.  His plans
had all failed, and in this moment he didn’t want to turn and kill Negan. 
Whatever had been in the IV must be working, or maybe the pills, because he was
feeling better.  Maybe it was just the relief from finally touching the man he
had wanted for so long, and realizing that he seemed to want him just as badly
in return.
Negan’s hand was brushing through his hair softly.  Carl reached up and took it
again.  Brought it to his own lips, and reached his tongue out shyly and licked
Negan’s first finger just across the pad.  It pulled a growl out of Negan and
before Carl knew what was happening, Negan’s fingers were replaced by his lips.
Carl’s whole body seized in response.  He had felt weak and trembling from the
poison working through his body only moments before, but now he felt so good he
could fly.  It had to be the adrenaline pumping through his veins but he
couldn’t seem to care why.  He just grabbed hold of Negan and pulled him harder
into the kiss.  It was like the older man’s lips and tongue were giving him
life.  He couldn’t keep up his part of the kiss very well, panting in between
each movement of his own tongue, but Negan didn’t seem to mind. 
Negan’s tongue probed Carl’s mouth longingly.  And his arms were gathering
Carl’s frail body against his more solid frame.  Carl didn’t know what to do
with his hands, but taking off Negan’s jacket seemed like the right move.  He
wanted to feel the older man against him.  He wanted to get less clothing
between them. 
As soon as Negan realized what Carl was doing he moaned in response.  He stood
up and removed his jacket and t-shirt.  Carl gaped.  The man was muscled and
strong and his body rippled as he moved.  Carl began taking his own clothes off
as quickly as he could.  He didn’t want to take a chance that Negan would
change his mind.
Negan stopped moving and just watched the younger man who didn’t quit until he
lay completely naked before him.  The vision of the young man’s cock hard and
leaking where it lay against his pale stomach caused him to feel he had been
punched in the gut.  But the sight of the bandage and what it meant made
Negan’s blood run cold.  He could quite literally die from what he was about to
do.  And as crazy as it sounded he couldn’t find it in him to care.  Desire had
taken over and he was so hard he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt
this much for anyone, if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure he ever had.
Carl looked up at him where he had frozen in place.  He batted his eyelashes
slowly watching him, trying to figure out if he had already changed his mind. 
He met Negan’s eyes and licked his lips nervously.  He felt more vulnerable
than he had ever in his life and yet he was so desperate for the man, he
couldn’t stop now.
“Please, Negan, I want this.”  His breath hitched, “I want you.”
It broke the last of Negan’s resolve and he had his pants off, throwing the gun
to the side, before Carl had taken another breath.  He was on the bed and on
top of the younger man in an instant and as his dick made contact with Carl’s
they both groaned in pleasure. 
Negan’s mouth found Carl’s again and he opened for him immediately.  Their
tongues searched and pulled at each other, making both of their dicks throb in
response.  Negan left Carl’s mouth to lick and suck across his chin to his
jaw.  The small amount of stubble felt as soft as his hair had under his
fingers.  He made his way to Carl’s throat and began to suck in earnest.  Carl
was panting and pulling hard against Negan’s body with his hands and then he
rapped his long thin legs around Negan’s hips and bucked up into him with his
groin.
Negan growled against Carl’s neck sending shivers up his spine.  He felt that
Negan was dangerous, maybe the most dangerous man he’s ever known, yet he could
tell he was trying to be gentle with Carl.  It hurt his heart to know that this
man, this vicious monster, was being careful with him.  It twisted him up
inside, infuriating him but also making him feel loved in a way that nothing
had in a long time.
He put his lips to Negan’s ear and whispered “Please Negan, I don’t know how
much longer I have and I want you to fuck me before it’s too late.”
“Uh… kid…” Negan put his forehead against Carl’s clavicle and tried to catch
his breath for a beat.  “If you keep saying things like that I am going to blow
my wad before I ever get inside of you.”
Carl blushed.  Negan pulled back and watched as the kid who had just made that
audacious statement actually fucking blushed and it spread beautifully from his
cheeks, down his neck, to flush across his pale chest.  He couldn’t believe the
perfection of the creature underneath him. 
Carl’s eye found Negan’s and he put all the bravado that he could muster into
saying, “Then I guess you better hurry up!”  It came out harsh and hoarse and
made Negan’s leaking cock pulse where it was caught between their bodies.
Negan bent slowly and kissed Carl softly.  “I’ll be right back.”
Before Carl had a chance to worry, he was as good as his word.  He had run out
of Carl’s sight towards the back of the room and was back in a flash with a
small bottle in his hand.  “Gotta work you open so I don’t hurt you.”
Carl’s mind went fuzzy with the realization of what he meant.  He swallowed
hard.  In all his fantasies, he would usually come before actually thinking
about Negan fucking him.  He usually never made it past the thought about going
down on the older man, or having Negan jerk him off.  His stomach quivered at
the thought of what was actually about to happen but then Negan was kissing him
again and he barely registered the sound of a cap being opened and a liquid
squeezing sound. 
Carl wrapped his legs back around Negan’s hips and Negan’s husky voice
whispered in his ear, “You’re being so good for me, getting in just the right
position without me having to ask.” 
Carl blushed again and would have tried for a snarky comment but then Negan
pulled his own hips back far enough to manage to get his arm between them and
then his slicked finger was at Carl’s hole and all thoughts left him. 
It felt intrusive and scary and then, oh God, then it just felt amazing. 
Carl’s hips bucked and pushed against Negan in response and the older man
chuckled deep in his throat.  “Always surprising me kid.”
Carl’s eye was squeezed shut and he reached behind Negan’s head to pull him
down into another passionate kiss as Negan breached him again with a second
finger.  It earned a gasp in response which Negan ate from his lips.  He
couldn’t control his own thrusts against Negan’s fingers.  He had given his
body over to all he was feeling and the desire was guiding every move and pump.
Negan looked down at Carl and marveled at how lost in want the young man was. 
His pupil was blown wide in hunger and Negan looked at where the bandage
covered his lost socket.  Carl realized what he was looking at and swallowed
hard.  He reached up and as Negan pressed a third finger inside of him he
ripped the gauze off his eye and smiled as Negan licked his lips. 
“Carl…” Negan groaned at the audacity of the move and at the velvet soft
squeeze around his fingers.  With each push inside, Carl was making little “Ugh
ugh” sounds, that were ripping straight down Negan’s spine and sending shocks
into his weeping cock.  He had to get into the boy now or he truly wouldn’t
last at this rate.
Carl searched Negan’s face and saw desperate want mirrored back at him. 
“Please, I’m ready.”
He pulled Negan down again to kiss him and suddenly the fingers left him
empty.  But in the moment that it took his mind to register what that meant,
Negan had the lube lathering up his cock and he had himself lined up.
Carl focused on kissing Negan, trying not to give in to the fear welling up in
him.  He didn’t want to clamp down and make it hard for Negan to enter him but
he was suddenly scared. 
“Easy Carl,” Negan saying his name soothed through him.  “I’ve got you.”
It was all the comfort Carl needed and they both felt it the minute Carl
relaxed.  Negan pressed against his tight rim and with a few careful thrusts he
was inside.  The lack of resistance shocked them both. 
An explosion of emotions flooded Carl.  He couldn’t believe this was
happening.  He had wanted it for so long, and now he was dying and would never
have it again, but he couldn’t think of that.  He had to focus on the fact that
he was with Negan, who at that moment began pulling back only to push against
him even harder and more insistent this time.  Carl threw his head back against
the pillow.  It was so much more than he expected.  The feeling was
overwhelming to be so full, the pain of it and his own desire were fighting for
dominance, but then Negan’s dick brushed up against Carl’s prostate, which made
sparks fly against the inside of his eyelid.
A moan came from deep in Carl’s throat and Negan could hold back no longer.  He
began fucking into the younger man in earnest.  Carl’s moans became a
consistent background of “oh oh,oh.”  Negan had never felt anything so intense
and he knew he wasn’t going to last.  It was too good, and the buildup took too
long and if he were being honest, the emotions he felt were driving him towards
release almost as much as his want.
Negan reached between them again and took Carl’s dick in his hand for the first
time.  Carl’s entire body wracked, his back arching up off the mattress.  Then
he was coming.  Carl’s vision whited and he couldn’t think, all he could do was
feel his body coming apart.  He was pumping his very soul into Negan’s hand and
every thrum was matched by Negan pushing farther into his body than he thought
possible.  Then he felt Negan’s chest shudder under where Carl had a death grip
on his shoulders, and his hips gave several thrusts that felt different.
Hot cum pumped into him filling him and it brought a sense of being owned,
being taken, the fucking had barely prepared him for.  It vanquished him and he
could feel his good eye begin to water from the emotion.
Negan collapsed on top of Carl and nuzzled his nose against Carl’s neck.  He
felt the wetness there that had fallen from his eye and he pulled back in
concern. 
“Did I hurt you kid?”
It took Carl a couple of tries to clear his throat before he could get the
words out.  “No, it was better than I dreamed.”  He wrapped his thin arms
tighter around Negan’s shoulders.
“I’m just sad cause it’s all I’ve wanted for so long, and I’ve been so mixed up
about it because I’m supposed to hate you, and now I have you, and it’s so
much, and it just sucks that this is it.  This is all I get and I want more.” 
He began to cry uncontrollably.
“I want you.  I want more with you.  I want a life with you, and peace between
our groups somehow, and it isn’t ever gonna happen and it’s so fucked up anyway
because even if I weren’t dying I couldn’t have it.  The only reason I got to
have it now is that I am dying and yet I just want more.  I want you.”  He
couldn’t contain the sobs wracking his body. 
“Shh kid.” Negan moved around so he was lying beside Carl.  He wormed his arm
under Carl’s head and pulled it up onto his shoulder.  He began carding through
Carl’s hair with his fingers. 
“I’ve got ya Carl.”  Negan kissed his forehead.  It was cool to his lips and he
had no idea how long he had with the kid but he was going to cherish every
second they did have together.  If Carl started suffering, he would use every
drop of morphine in the compound to ease his passing.  He woudn’t let this
marvel of a human being suffer.  Not one second.
He found himself crying.  He sniffed.  “Dammit Carl.”  Carl looked up into his
face in horror, unsure what he had done wrong.
“Now you’ve gone and made me cry too.”
Carl laughed in relief. 
Negan’s deep bass voice groused, “That ain’t acceptable.” The older man’s own
laugh rumbled deep in his chest and Carl could feel it on his cheek where he
rested his head.
“What would your Saviors think?”  Carl teased.
“Just shut your damned mouth.”  Negan grumbled.  “On second thought, I’ll shut
it for you.” 
He took the hand that wasn’t brushing through the kid’s hair and touched his
chin.  He moved it up so he could reach Carl’s soft lips with his own, and took
both of their breaths away with a fiery kiss.  Coming had evidently not
lessened the heat of need for either of them. 
Negan pulled away to catch his breath.  “Shit kid, I’m a mess.”  He took a
breath.
“Let’s get cleaned up.” Negan began to pull away.  Carl held on stubbornly.
“This is the only thing that has gone right all damned night and I want it to
last, but everything else besides you has gone to hell tonight.  It would be
just my luck if my people come in and fuck this up too so I at least want to
get your bite covered back up with some clothes, in case they do.” 
Carl looked down at the patch in question.  And then up at Negan with
trepidation.
“They would be right to want to kill me you know?”  Carl swallowed around a
lump in his throat.
“I know.”  Negan pulled away and stood up.
Carl began pulling the covers up over himself and his body, trying to sit up,
as a feeling of intense vulnerability tainted with a feeling of rejection
settled over him. 
Negan sat back down next to him.  “Hey, I just want to protect you for as long
as I can okay?”
He ran his hand through Carl’s hair.  He couldn’t seem to keep away from it. 
He took a second to really look at the young man, realizing the color of his
skin had changed.  He had noticed earlier that he had felt cooler, but that had
felt ominous at the time.  He didn’t feel cold or clammy, just normal.  As if
the fever had faded and left a healthy temperature in its wake. His skin was
just the beautiful ivory of Carl’s usual alabaster, not the ashy grey it had
turned earlier.  The dark circles were no longer visible under his good eye.
“Carl…” Negan began but he wasn’t sure how to finish what he was going to say. 
No one survived a bite.  It was unheard of.  His need for a future with this
nymph of a young man was getting his imagination all stirred up in overdrive.
He shook his head.  Trying to clear out the fog left from orgasm and the
intensity of what they had just shared.  He needed to think rationally.  He
didn’t want to say the wrong thing and get the boy’s hopes up for nothing.
He cleared his throat, nervous butterflies dancing in his stomach.
“How are you feeling?” His voice was barely louder than a whisper.  Which in
and of itself threw Carl.
Carl had never seen Negan look so lost and full of hope all at the same time. 
He had no idea what was going through the man’s head.  His own feelings of
disappointment that had lashed around him at Negan mentioning the Saviors, and
the harsh reality that killed the high he had had from their pairing faded into
the background. 
He took stock of his own body.  His side itched and pulled but didn’t feel like
it was weeping as it had earlier.  He looked down at the bandage realizing for
the first time that Negan must have changed it earlier.  He reached for it and
pulled it off, his skin stretching with the pull from the tape not wanting to
give way.
Negan stared in awe.  It had only been a couple of hours since he had first
seen the wound but it looked like it was days older.  A scab had begun to form
over the individual teeth marks where earlier they were raw and runny.  The
area around the bite no longer looked angry, but seemed like a faded bruise of
green and yellow.
Carl stared into Negan’s eyes, looking for confirmation of what his own eye was
telling him about the damaged area.
“How do you feel Carl?”  Negan’s usual commanding voice sounded almost panicked
with the question.  His eyes darted back and forth from the bite to Carl’s good
eye and back again.
“Uh, hmm…” Carl didn’t know what to say.  How did he feel?  Tired, his ass was
sore from the pounding earlier, sitting up didn’t seem all that smart at the
moment, and his stomach rumbled.  He was hungry.  For the first time since the
bite had happened, he was actually hungry.  But his body felt good, almost like
it was glowing in the aftermath of the endorphins from coming. 
In spite of the emotional outburst afterwards, he was still flying high.  But
he didn’t feel sick.  No shaking, no jittery feeling like he had had earlier in
the truck.  And he knew he didn’t have a fever, he could just tell.  He
swallowed around the lump that had appeared suddenly in his throat.
Before he could answer the man, Negan could contain his excitement no longer. 
He grabbed Carl by the shoulders and shook him, a little less gently than he
meant to, and all but screamed, “Holy shit kid, are you getting better
somehow?” 
He didn’t give Carl even a second to respond before finishing wryly.  “I
suppose if anyone was going to be immune to this shit, it’d be you.  You are
one remarkable little asshole you know that!”
Chapter End Notes
     So this is definitely my head canon. I didn't mean for the end to
     seem like a "Lady or the Tiger" situation if it felt that way at all.
     He is definitely immune. In my head canon both Rick and Carl are
     genetically somehow immune which explains how Rick was able to
     survive in the hospital in such a vulnerable state and also how Carl
     has survived everything he has already been through.
     I am still so pissed at Scott M. Gimple I can't see straight. There
     was so much potential with the interactions upcoming between Negan
     and Carl in the future given what happens in the graphic novels
     between them. I am so frustrated by his arbitrary murder of Carl. He
     murdered him, that is all there is to it. And how he blindsided
     Chandler Riggs was such a betrayal. I am so pissed I could bite
     through nails if you can't tell.
     But enough of that. I wanted to leave the story open ended so as to
     let there be a mystery of how in the world they will deal with the
     aftermath of their fucking when Carl does indeed survive. How will
     they make Carl's vision of the happy future where they all work
     together without his death causing it? What the hell will Rick do if
     he finds out, because obviously these two won't be able to keep their
     hands off each other. And what will the Saviors do??? Who knows? But
     nothing else matters because in this universe CARL IS ALIVE!!!!
     Thank you all for coming on this ride with me. Thank you for the
     kudos and the comments. They make the struggle of writing worth every
     second.
     I hope this helps the pain from canon a little.
     Love to you all <3
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