Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6978511.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M, F/F, F/M
  Fandom:
      Haikyuu!!
  Relationship:
      Hinata_Shouyou/Kageyama_Tobio, Hinata_Shouyou/Oikawa_Tooru, Hinata
      Shouyou_&_Sugawara_Koushi, Hinata_Shouyou_&_Yachi_Hitoka, Kageyama_Tobio
      &_Yamaguchi_Tadashi, Hinata_Shouyou_&_Kozume_Kenma, Hinata_Shouyou_&
      Kuroo_Tetsurou
  Character:
      Hinata_Shouyou, Kageyama_Tobio, Hinata_Shouyou's_Mother, Hinata_Natsu,
      Sugawara_Koushi, Sawamura_Daichi, Yachi_Hitoka, Yamaguchi_Tadashi, Other
      (s), Kozume_Kenma, Kuroo_Tetsurou
  Additional Tags:
      Comfort/Angst, Fluff, Torture, Physical_Abuse, Therapy, Mental_Abuse,
      Mental_Instability, PTSD, Anxiety, Suicidal_Thoughts, Depression, Self-
      Harm, BAMF_Hinata, Physical_Therapy, Miscommunication, Dysphoria, Sexual
      Confusion, Dubious_Consent, Rape/Non-con_Elements, Anal_Sex, Sex_Toys,
      Oral_Sex, Roleplay, Threats_of_Rape/Non-Con, Whipping, Cutting, Self-
      Denial, Self-Doubt, Unhealthy_Relationships, Unhealthy_Coping_Mechanisms,
      Purging, Implied/Referenced_Drug_Use, BAMF_Kuroo, Panic_Attacks
  Series:
      Part 1 of Forever_Loving
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-05-26 Chapters: 15/? Words: 68736
****** Loved Once ******
by ace_of_asphodel
Summary
     During middle school Hinata fell in love with the grand king and was
     delighted when they started going out.
     The first time Kageyama saw Hinata he knew he was in love, knowing
     little to nothing about his new love Kageyama begins to stalk him and
     follow Hinata to Karasuno, only to find that the smile he first fell
     in love with wasn't as bright as it used to be.
     What happened to him?
***** Hinata *****
Love. That’s what everyone wants, right? That amazing feeling that leaves you
breathless and yearning for more. What a beautiful thing it is to be in love.
I remember the first time I fell in love. He was an amazing guy. Charismatic,
charming, handsome, sweet, pretty much anything and everything I would have
wanted in a guy. Key words being “would have”. When he asked me out I thought
that the world would only get better from there.
"Please... sto-op!"
I was wrong. Dear Lord, I was so  so  wrong.
"Stop it... Please I'm scared."
I thought I could trust him. I even went as far as almost spending a night with
him, just innocent love, but then he kept going.
"You're mine... Sho-chan."
He just kept touching me! Sex is supposed to be a consensual thing. He said-
no, he  promised me  that he would stop if I became uncomfortable and that he
wouldn’t be angry. Apparently promises to him don’t mean very much. I remember
exactly what it felt like as my anus was abused until it bled. Heck, I didn’t
even know that it worked like that between two guys before that! It hurt to sit
down for days afterwards, but I couldn't tell anyone why. He said he would come
back if I did, and he said he would do it again and again if he had to to keep
me quiet.
Hopefully now it will be different. It's been two years since that first time,
two godawful years, and now I'm in highschool; my first day at Karasuno. I was
really hoping I could find some friends now. I lost all of mine after him.
The school also has a good volleyball team! It is the home of my favorite
player, the little giant. He was an ace on this team and I intend to follow his
footsteps and overcome my past, no matter how cheesy it may sound. Sometimes
the cheesy things are easier to hold on to. I can prove to him that I am
stronger and that no one can stand in my way-
"Oof," I accidentally bumped into someone and fell on my bottom, pain flares up
instantly from the most recent abuse. I looked up at the person I bumped into
and see a boy towering over me menacingly with thick, raven black hair and
beautiful blue eyes, like the blueberry Crayola© crayon, staring at me widely -
I’ve never met anyone with eyes as blue as his, unless my little sister’s
crayon drawings count. "I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going, ehehe,"
I stood up and brushed off myself, ignoring the pain in my bottom and hips. Is
this what is feels like to be on a period? The boy continued to stare at me for
a moment before a scowl crossed his pretty face.
"Don't do it again, idiot," I felt my jaw drop at the sheer audacity of him. I
couldn't believe it. Maybe finding new friends won't be as easy. As the
nameless yoo-ha, now dubbed Blueberry Crayon by yours truly, walked away from
me I shook myself out of the funk and continued to stride forward to
orientation- er, I mean homeroom.
The teacher called attendance and I notice Blueberry Crayon sitting at the
front of the class, my creative nickname is destroyed when he answers to the
name “Kageyama Tobio”; I like my name better. He seemed familiar but I couldn’t
place why - that is, besides the earlier collision. After attendance we all
collectively went out into the courtyard where the principal stood on the
podium, welcoming us to the school and talking about how we were going to have
a great year, blah blah blah, boring stuff, go back to class. Our teacher
introduced us to the topics we will be talking about this year. I didn’t really
pay attention, I was bad at school work anyways.
They soon dismissed us to try out for club activities and I headed straight for
the gym labeled “Volleyball”. That was the only thing he couldn’t take from me.
He couldn’t take away my volleyball no matter how much he hurt me.
I hummed the tune of some catchy radio song and skipped towards the gym in my
track suit. It was slightly big but it didn’t matter, at least it was comfy. I
opened the door to the gym, just to see Mister Crayola© himself, Kageyama. I
froze and we stared at each other. Maybe I could be friends with him, we are
both interested in volleyball I think. Why else would he be in the gym?
“Uh, Hi! My name is Hinata! We are in the same class, your name is Kageyama,
right?” I stuck out my hand and gave him a big smile. He looked at my hand, to
my face, and back again as if he didn’t understand what I was saying at first.
He suddenly gripped the volleyball in his hands and turned his head.
“Tch, whatever runt,” I stared at him. Did he just? Oh this is on. I rolled up
my sleeves and put my hands into fists. Why do people always roll up their
sleeves before a fight? Why don’t they just wear shorter sleeves? I scrambled
over gracefully into Kageyama’s personal bubble, puffing out my chest and
scowling.
“Runt? Who do you think you are talking to jerk! You wanna go?” I saw Kageyama
roll his eyes and I twitched. This jerk! Who did he think he was? Acting all
high and mighty like that.
“Why would I want to fight a stupid looking idiot like you?”
“Why you-!”
“Enough!” I froze at the booming voice and turned to see an upperclassmen. I
shrank in on myself as he began to yell at us for fighting. Kageyama tried to
defend himself but we both got kicked out of the gym. We begged and pleaded but
we were handed our acceptance forms by another upperclassmen, the co-captain,
who said that unless we got along, neither of us would be able to set foot in
the club. The captain made a scary face and closed the door, making us shiver,
at least I shivered. I sat on the steps into the gym and drew in the dirt with
my shoe while Kageyama paced and muttered to himself that this “couldn’t happen
to him” and that he “didn’t deserve this”. I kept myself from laughing, even if
the look on his face was uncharacteristically desperate and embarrassing. He
kept talking to himself for the next twenty minutes. I tried to give ideas but
whenever I did he would give me a stare that made me freeze and shiver.
“Hey, Kageyama! How about we challenge… them to… a duel,” I started to trail
off when he gave me that stare again, and on top of that my phone started to go
off. I had to answer it no matter what. It was his ringtone. Kageyama said
something back but I just hummed in response and flipped the phone open, seeing
a text message from him.
 
To: You
From: Toru
Meet me at our spot in ten
If you aren’t there don’t expect me to be merciful about you skipping out on
joining me at johsai
 
My face must have said a lot because Kageyama just barely touched my shoulder
before I jumped, yelping in fear like a little chihuahua. His eyebrows were
scrunched together in fuzzy black caterpillars.
“What’s going on? Why’d you make that stupid face?” I didn’t even notice the
insult because I was trying to think of the fastest way to get to the spot
under the bridge. It was on my way home so if I biked from here at top speed it
could take just three minutes, four at most.
“Huh? Oh I just have to go, see you Kageyama!” I ran and ignored his calls out
to me and went for my bike. As quickly as possible I left the school and turned
the corner sharply, almost falling over. The wind stung my cheeks as I stood up
on the bike and pumped my legs hard, feeling that familiar burn already setting
in my calfs and thighs. I was unlucky to run into traffic that held me back two
minutes at least, there was usually never traffic at this time but I guess
karma isn’t on my side today. Stupid karma.
At the spot, I threw the bike on the side of the road and left my bag next to
it, better to leave my things out of the way than risk getting them broken. I
scrambled down the steep little hill and almost tripped in the process. At the
bottom I caught my breath for a moment, I was hunched over with my hands on my
knees when I heard him call me out.
“Hey-o chibi-chan,” I straightened up and turned to the spot he stood in the
shadows of the bridge. Shadows themselves aren’t that scary, but he’s always
hiding in them, waiting to sink his teeth into his prey - me. So shadows remind
me of him and the fear, it’s why I’m so conflicted over the little plugin night
light I swiped from my sister’s room. Using it at night helps if only a bit to
keep the nightmares at bay.
“Oikawa-san,” Oikawa beckoned me closer and I complied, like the little doggie
I was. I didn’t stop moving until I was pressed up against his stomach, where
he liked me to stay at when we weren’t having sex, or as I call it rape. I
didn’t look up at him, or flinch when his arm wrapped around my middle and
pulled my up against him, or when his other hand started to pull at my hair.
Not enough to really hurt but enough to make anyone who wasn’t used to it
wince. When I didn’t make any noise he started to brush his hand through my
hair and it took everything in me not to fall back in love with his touch.
Sometimes he was so gentle and it made me think that all the pain was just an
illusion, but then he would hurt me again and the cycle would repeat.
“You made it in time, chibi-chan. I was hoping you wouldn’t because I’m feeling
really  needy today. Do you think you could forgive me if I got rough on you?”
He stopped petting my hair and pulled my face up to look at him. My face stayed
blank even as he made the cute puppy eyes that I loved. I knew the right
answer, but I didn’t- I couldn’t just give in like I usually did. If I could
defy him so much as to get into a different school, then I should be able to at
least make this tougher for him, right? I need to prove myself, right?
Then again he would have another reason to hurt me and he would leave marks.
It’s so much easier to give in once you realize that whatever pride you had is
nothing but pride and won’t ever help you get anywhere. I felt something inside
me grow colder as I nodded into his hand and that sadistic smile spread across
his features. Hope is so fragile sometimes that I hate it. He slapped my cheek
lightly.
“Good boy,” Oikawa purred and gently caressed my cheek; the smile slowly
disappeared into a frown. He pulled it away, just to haul out and slap me
across the face. My neck popped from the whiplash and I fell back on my butt. I
stayed there and watched with quivering lips as he slowly trotted over smiling
devilishly. My cheek and neck burn, and pressure starts to build up behind my
eyes.
“You were thinking about defying me, weren’t you  Shouyou ?” The way he called
my name made jabs of disgust stab through my chest but I just nodded my head
obediently, he always knew. I was pulled up by my hair but it didn’t hurt
enough to distract me when Oikawa started to strip my body of its clothes. He
tossed me back to the ground and I tried to hold in the tears as I laid there
naked, angry, lustful eyes traveling up and down my body, taking in the fading
bruises and scars. It’s unclear what part of me he finds appealing but
apparently there is something, if the now-noticeable erection in Oikawa’s pants
suffices for anything.
“You know what Shouyou?” he started to peel off his jacket and shirt. “I think
you need a new mark right…” his finger landed on the inside of my neck, “here,”
he pointed to my shoulder and went down onto his knees as he leaned over me,
“here,” his hands traveled down and I felt some tears break free when his hands
stopped on either side of my hips. “And here. What do you think, hmm?”
“That’s okay, I deserve it,” right? My voice was soft and it gave out at the
end when I felt his teeth dig into the flesh on my neck. I cried softly, my
eyes closed tightly as he sucked on my neck relentlessly. Hair rubs against my
face and I can smell the gag-worthy mix of sweat and too much cologne. His
fingers dug into my hips and I knew it would leave a mark. A whimper escaped my
mouth when he clenched and teeth pierced flesh, drawing blood. His jaw
slackened and he moved to my shoulder and licked it once before sucking on it.
My fingers twitched and I felt his knee press itself in between my legs and rub
against my unclothed crotch. The rough material chafes the sensitive, delicate
skin of my groin. I clenched my jaw and turned my head. I stared out at the
stupidly green grass and darkening blue-black sky, wishing that I was still at
the school and asking Kageyama about volleyball or what his favorite things to
do are.
“You liked that, huh?” Oikawa’s hand moved and he rubbed his hand between my
legs. Out of instinct I tried to pull my legs closed but all that did was make
him laugh, I held back an involuntary moan. I sobbed and brought my hand up to
my face, bit down on it as I felt my arousal growing with the experienced
strokes. Oikawa continued his torment and I felt him lick my hips, and despite
how much I hated him my hips bucked up into the touch. His chuckle vibrated
against my skin as he continued to lick me, callused fingers jerking me off.
“Shouyou, you can’t deny it forever you know? Your body is way more
understanding than you are, isn’t it,” whispered Oikawa in a sultry voice. I
felt his teeth set against my skin around the edge of my hip bone, I clenched
my jaw as I felt a cry try to escape me. It hurt so much, I knew that this was
just the beginning. I held in my cries as Oikawa covered my hips in bloody
marks. The blood was cool against my skin and I tried to focus on that feeling
when I heard the familiar zip.
“I want to hear you moan for me, Shouyou. Please, let me hear you,” he mumbled
into my skin, pressing kisses against my stomach as he pulled my hand from my
mouth and held both my wrists against the ground. I gasped and stared up at the
concrete underside of the bridge as sobs shook my body. I sucked in a breath as
his tongue traced my navel and went downwards. My body shook and I could barely
see through the tears.
“Please…”
“Please what, Shouyou? You want more?” he rubbed the insides on my thighs as my
thoughts wavered, but didn’t fall as I felt those filthy hands run across my
body.
“... stop,” when Oikawa’s hands tightened against my thighs I knew that I made
a big mistake. My eyes widened the second before I felt the pain. New tears
were brought to my eyes and my back arched as I silently screamed. Oikawa
leaned over to me and the tears poured out when he whispered into my ear.
“You shouldn’t have said that,” I let out cries as he pounded into me I tried
to kick him with my legs but all he did was go deeper in with more force.
Struggling was useless but I tried anyways even though it just made it hurt
worse. Oikawa loomed over me with a smile on his face as he leaned down to kiss
me. At first I was in too much pain but then I felt his tongue in my mouth and
it disgusted me.
I bit down and tasted blood. Oikawa jumped back and paused for a second, hands
up at his mouth as a look of anger crossed his face. He chuckled darkly and
shook his head before he leaned back and pulled out. His hands moved so they
were just over my stomach and I felt my stomach churn and shook as one of his
hands traveled lower slowly.
“You just really want this, don’t you Shouyou?” Oikawa’s voice had deepened and
he grabbed me tightly, nails digging into soft flesh. I couldn’t keep back the
scream that ripped from my mouth. Oikawa laughed as I breathed heavily and
wiped at the tears helplessly as I felt a sharp prick of pain that told me the
flesh in my bottom had tore.
Oikawa didn’t slow down, he wasn’t at all fazed by the blood that covered him,
it actually seemed like he was turned on by my pain. I couldn’t help but give
into the agony and scream and cry for him to stop. I said I was sorry, for what
I’m not sure. Maybe I was sorry for my existence.
Or maybe this is what is supposed to happen to me, this is my purpose.
Maybe I am just supposed to be used until one day I give in completely and
break beyond the fixing point so that I can finally be thrown away? That sure
would be nice, if it could just end. I didn’t care if that meant I was
suicidal. I just want it to end. Whatever I did to make Oikawa do this is
probably reason enough for me to die for my sins.
I couldn’t make anymore noises when I felt Oikawa release into me. I didn’t
move when he pulled out either. Or when he was standing over me and kicked me
in the side of the head hard enough to give me a small concussion. I was
finally starting to break apart, and I knew that this pain would only get
worse. Oikawa spit on my face before he walked away. I just laid there on the
cold ground as my naked body crawled with disappointment.
I was dirty, so incredibly dirty.
After a few more seconds laying there I slowly sat up and crawled to get my
clothes. I cringed and groaned as I pulled them on, hissing when the fabric
rubbed against the bite marks. Slowly, and hesitantly, I walked out of the
shadows, holding onto my shoulder with great worry. My face was downcast and I
stared at my untied shoes as I began to walk up the hill, then I heard
something.
“Hinata? What are you doing here?” I looked up and felt the blood drain from my
face as I stared at my new team mate.
Fuck.
***** Kageyama *****
The things I dreamt about consisted of fiery red hair and beautiful thin legs
that could jump high in the sky. I didn't even know the owner's name, but after
that one match, that one fleeting moment, I knew that I was in love. I hardly
even remember anything from that day except for him.
A nameless volleyball wing spiker with a smile that could burn itself into my
core. I loved that smile. I loved the cute face he made while concentrating.
There was so much about him that I didn't know but couldn't help but love
anyways. It was unconditional. That's the only way to put it.
But now it will change, because today is my first day at Karasuno high school
and from the research I have done on the boy it looked like he was the only
applicant from his school to come here, he is the only reason I decided to go
here instead of following my Sempai to Aoba Johsai. The anticipation of seeing
my love again was enough to make me scream. I waded through the people,
clutching my bag strap as I looked around for a head of orange hair. I
continued to look around feeling some of my hope diminish as minutes passed
without any signs of said ginger. Just as I thought my luck gave out someone
bumped into me from behind, when I turned to yell at them I was met with smooth
chocolate brown eyes--maybe caramel?--and a head full of unruly, kind of curly,
security-jacket-orange hair. My eyes widened in realization.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going, ehehe," he stood up and brushed
himself off, giving me an apologetic smile. It took everything in me not to
blush. I finally found him. My true love. When he continued to stare at me I
stumbled over my words, saying something stupid and then getting embarrassed,
and running away.
My day jumbled on with the cute button-nosed ginger everywhere. He was even in
my class but sat towards the back row by the window--of course  my  seat is at
the front. I waited as the teacher did roll call to see when he responded;
because I need to know his name, I can’t just call him baby-eyed ginger or
something.
“Hinata Shouyou?”
“Here!” His voice was loud and cheerful, I couldn’t help the small smile that
tugged at my lips, what a perfect name for him. I barely payed attention to
orientation because I just wanted to get to the volleyball club so that I could
talk to Hinata. Maybe I could befriend him. Yes I could see it now, we would
become really good friends and after our first real match together I would tell
him that I liked him and then we could be together. Just imagining a blushing
Hinata made me twitch in excitement.
After changing out of my uniform into the school track clothes I ran towards
the gym in hope that I would be the first one there so that I could wait for
Hinata. I was right, I was the first to the gym and found an extra volleyball
laying out. I put a water bottle on one point on the opposite side of the court
and practiced serving towards the bottle. I was retrieving the ball for the
eighth time when I heard a voice singing outside of the gym. I was about to go
and see who it was when the door opened and I saw Hinata. I went to say “hi” or
something but my throat constricted and I couldn’t get the words out.
Thankfully Hinata stepped closer and stuck his hand out.
“Uh, Hi! My name is Hinata! We are in the same class, your name is Kageyama,
right?” I was flattered that he remembered my name--he remembered me! me!--but
when I went to respond back that “yes, that was me” but all that came out was
an ignorant insult. Fuck me.
“Runt? Who do you think you are talking to jerk! You wanna go?” I rolled my
eyes at how adorable he was when he got all fired up but instead of calming him
down I just insult him. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I was just fucking up again and
again until someone shouted out and we both stopped. Of course, now I stopped.
The man began to chew us out for fighting, I think I took it the worst but I
also felt bad for Hinata, he didn’t start it, it was me. I tried to defend us,
specifically Hinata but the man, Daichi, captain of the volleyball team, shut
us up and forcefully dragged us out of the gym. I gave in because I deserved it
but Hinata didn’t fight back like I thought he would. His head was down and
eyes empty, a blank  look on his face, it worried me greatly. Something must
have happened in the past year since I last saw him.
The co-captain handed us a waiver that said we would have to get along or else
neither of us is getting on the team let alone stepping in the gym. Pissed at
myself, I began to pace and curse myself for this. I messed up and now look
what I did! I probably just missed the one chance that I had to make a good
impression of myself on Hinata and I go and act like an asshole.
I was vaguely aware of Hinata talking to me, but whenever I looked at him he
wasn’t. This couldn’t possibly be happening to me. I tried to think my way out
of the scenario, which I’m not very good at in particular. He said that we
needed to get along so that we could go into the gym and club, so I should just
start over? No, I can barely talk to Hinata without acting like an idiot. I
don’t deserve this! I was desperate to make Hinata my friend, or even more than
that, definitely more than that.
“Hey Kageyama!” just hearing him call my name like that gave me shivers. “How
about we challenge… them to… a duel,” I heard a ringing noise and Hinata
started to rummage through his bag, it was probably his cell phone. A duel? I
thought about it for a moment.
“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” I sighed in relief as the right words
came out for once and listened for a response but only got a humm. I looked
back at Hinata and saw the glow of his phone illuminate his face and the screen
reflect in his eyes. Watching as he read a text or something, I became worried
as his eyebrows popped up and his eyes widened so much that all of the whites
were visible. I swear that I saw him shake in fear and this worried me deeply,
knots formed in my stomach as I called out to him hesitantly.
“Hinata?” no response.
“Hinata!” I stepped closer to him and took a small gulp as I reached out and
put my hand on his shoulder, feeling that rush of just touching him run down my
spine--damn that sounds creepy. His eyes met mine and I stared at him a moment
before reality crashed back down on me.
“What’s going on? Why’d you make that stupid face?” I cursed myself for calling
him stupid and  waited as Hinata stared at me blankly for a moment. Is
something wrong?
“Huh? Oh I just have to go, see you Kageyama!” he slipped from my grip and ran
off, I reached out after him and my mouth hung open in shock before it finally
hit me. Crap! He’s leaving what do I do!
“Hinata!” I watched as he turned a corner and my hand dropped, “don’t go.” I
angrily kicked the dirt and stared up at the sky, wondering if I should go
after him. It would probably seem creepy though if someone you just met is so
attached to you. I scolded myself again for being such an idiot and thought
back to Hinata’s idea. A duel huh? Two on two. We win, we join. I like it--
Hinata’s so creative! I looked back at the door and banged on it loudly, I’ll
be brave for Hinata.
“Yes,” the captain peeked out of the door with a scary look on his face and I
felt like fleeing a moment before I remembered that I was doing this for love.
Yeah a great cause I know.
“Captain, I would like to challenge you to a duel. Two on two. If me and Hinata
win then we join. Do we have a deal?” I stuck out my hand for him to shake in
agreement and saw his eyebrows raise in interest.
“A duel huh? I accept, but on one condition,” he held up his finger. “We do a
three on three. Tanaka here sides with you two and I go on with the other two
first years that are joining. Deal?” His hand wavered in front of mine for a
moment before I slapped mine against his in a hard shake.
“Deal,” he laughed heartily and slammed the door shut. I scratched my head and
looked around for something to do. Lingering around for awhile, I went to leave
when I heard one of the upperclassmen, Tanaka from what the captain said,
talking loudly about something as the practice was ending. I couldn’t help but
listen in.
“Tomorrow the morning practice is at five thirty right? And I have the key
tomorrow right?” our eyes met for a moment in the small windows and he winked
making me smile. I’ll have to catch up with Hinata and tell him so… or maybe I
could just look up in the school files what his number is? I was about to agree
on the idea when it dawned on me that if I suddenly had his number I would have
to explain how I got it, and  that  would be a handful. I’ll catch up to him
instead.
Not listening to the end of the conversation, I broke out into a run for the
gate. I saw Hinata exit to the left so I ran in that direction hoping that he
hadn’t gotten far. I was out of breath after a minute of sprinting and slowed
down to a fast walk as I approached a bridge. I noticed someone walking far
ahead of me and at first I thought it might be Hinata but then I tripped over a
bike. Oh yeah, Hinata exited on a bike too.
Brushing myself off, I stood up and looked at the fallen bike and bag next to
it. They both seemed familiar but also generic. My eyes swept the area for its
possible owner and my eyes landed on a shadow moving under the bridge.
Squinting, I tried to distinguish who it could possibly be, and in the process
I started to walk forward. I felt my feet grow heavy and stop moving though
when the person stepped out into the light.
I recognized that orange hair instantly and felt my heart jump as Hinata walked
slowly towards me. His head was down and I saw that he was holding his shoulder
like it hurt. I was going to call out to him when my eyes widened as I noticed
that he was limping. Oh jeez what happened? Is he okay? I couldn’t hold my
worry and my questions burst out.
“Hinata? What are you doing here?” when his eyes met mine I saw the answer to
all of my worry. His face was pale and his eyes wide in fear. I tore my eyes
from him and took in his whole figure again, looking carefully this time.
Hunched shoulders, scared expression, bags under the eyes, big clothes, a limp,
hurting shoulder and god knew what else hurt. I felt something spark in my
stomach and ignite the flame as it all clicked. Hinata was being hurt by
someone. I wanted to find them and tear them to shreds. Hinata did not deserve
this, no one did. But I had to help him now.
“K-Kageyama?” I walked closer to him and tried to keep my anger from showing.
His voice cracked and sounded hoarse. My heart constricted in pain and it took
everything in me to keep from enveloping him in a hug and not letting go.
“Yeah it’s me, what happened? Are you okay?” the shock on his face was evident
and that only fueled my hate. So no one knew did they?
“I-I just fell off my bike… no big deal ehe?” he didn’t sound so sure to me,
but from knowing what he was going through I didn’t push him. Hinata moved his
arm away from his shoulder and began to walk, yes walk towards his bike. I
could barely tell the limp was there and I frowned at his back. How long has it
been going on that Hinata learned how to cover up his limp?
“Well maybe you should wear a helmet next time, be careful dummy,” I tried to
affectionately tease him but couldn’t tell if it came across that way. Hinata
stuck his tongue out at me and laughed lightly as he picked up the bike, before
going into a coughing fit. I took a step closer. “Are you sure that you’re
okay? You don’t sound too good to me,” I raised my hand up as if to pat him on
the back but I hesitated and dropped it with a small sigh.
“Yeah, Kageyama. I’m… fine,” Hinata caught his breath and smiled at me before
mounting his bike with some difficulty. He was going to leave when I remembered
what I was going to tell him.
“Wait, tomorrow morning we are going to practice before the team does, okay?
Their morning practice begins at five thirty so be there at five, okay?” Hinata
looked reluctant at first but at the promise of volleyball I saw his face lift
slightly. He agreed with vigour and I couldn’t help but let the small blush
cross my cheeks as he stared at me with sparkling eyes.
 “Well, bye Kageyama,” I waved at his back as he pushed off and down the road.
My hand dropped as he disappeared into the night and I let my anger consume me.
I yanked my bag off and threw it at a tree, then angrily stomped down the hill
to take in the scene of the crime. I need to figure out what exactly happened
so that I can try and stop it.
Underneath the bridge I squinted and tried to make sense of what was there.
Scuff marks from shoes, dirt, so far nothing really special. I stepped in
closer and then the stench hit. I tried not to gag when the metallic smell of
blood filled my nose, as well as something else, something sweeter. It seemed
familiar and I wracked through my memory at what this smell was. Then it hit
me, and the force made my knees give out as I fell backwards onto my backside
and scrambled away from the scene.
I wanted to puke, the thought itself was horrible. What made it worse though
was that this probably wasn’t the first time. I really did puke and wasn’t
embarrassed by the fact, hell all I was really worrying about was Hinata. What
type of evil bastard would go around beating and raping an innocent fifteen-
year-old that probably had the brightest smile in the world? It sickened me,
but now I knew one thing for sure.
I was going to save Hinata, no matter what it would take.
===============================================================================
 
Waking up extra early was difficult enough, but getting hit by a biking Hinata
just made my day, and not in the good way for once. Yeah I was happy to see
Hinata but I was not happy that I probably had marks on my back from where the
handlebars hit. It sure hurt like hell but I was able to keep myself from
getting too upset. Hinata was really sorry afterwards but when he flew off the
bike and landed on top of me I felt the burden on my heart lessen slightly as
he laughed at the awkwardness of our scenario.
We met up with Tanaka at the gym ten minutes before five and Hinata and me
couldn’t thank him enough. I hope the rest of the upperclassmen will be this
nice and helpful, unlike someone I used to admire. Just the thought of his
annoying face gave me a headache, so I quickly shook it off and pulled off the
track suit that was over my shorts and t-shirt. We threw our stuff in a pile by
the door and as I turned around and stopped, trying very hard not to stare.
Hinata was stretching with his back to me and I took it all in. The way his
skin glowed as he moved about gracefully in each position. His long, smooth
legs that I could only imagine what they felt like. Hinata moved to touch his
toes and I had to turn away before my imagination go  too  enthusiastic and I
would have a slight  problem --fuck I’m such a creep. Instead of standing
around like an idiot I did my own stretches, turning my body so that Hinata
wasn’t completely out of my vision but not the center of it. Tanaka rolled out
a bin of volleyballs and leaned against the wall, watching us.
“So, let’s see what you two got!” He laughed heartily I watched as Hinata
jumped up and down chanting “spike” with a crazy-happy look in his eye. Before
I do that, I have to make sure that everything else is good. Last time we
played I noticed that Hinata’s receive was weak. So maybe we should work on
that.
“Hinata,” he hummed happily and looked at me expectantly, right before I
crushed his mood. “Let’s see your receive,” Hinata puffed out his cheeks
unhappily but did as told, as he did I took up a random volleyball and tested
it for firmness by slapping it against the ground like it was a basketball.
Good. I gripped it tightly as I spun it in my hand and looked up to see Hinata
getting in position with his knees bent and arms out at the ready. Good so far.
I served and watched closely as Hinata leapt forward to receive. His form was
good but right as the ball was about to connect with his arms, they jerked
upwards and the ball bounced up, hitting him in the face.
“Your arms go up too soon! Again.”
“Osu!” Hinata jumped up and awaited my next serve. It was better than before
but it still needed improvement. We went like this for fifteen minutes and by
then Hinata was receiving them perfectly almost every time. I watched as he
panted staring up at the ceiling and I stepped under the net with a ball in
hand. I got into position and raised my arms up as if to throw a toss.
“Hinata,” he looked over and I saw his eyes widen and I threw it, watching as
he came up to it with great speed and it was sent flying hard across the other
side of the court. Hinata landed on the ground and grinned, staring at his
reddening hand. If my tosses can make Hinata smile like that, then I will do
everything I can to give him a toss.
===============================================================================
 
Hinata and I had been practicing as often as we could. The mornings in the gym,
the courtyard at lunch, and the grass behind the school after class ended.
Whenever Hinata would receive properly I would give him a toss and the effect
was exhilarating. Slowly as we practiced and became more in sync I began to
make the tosses faster and harder, but Hinata did not fail to impress me. Maybe
Hinata is the one that can spike my “god-like” toss that cost me my team. Only
time could see.
It was the day of our match and Hinata was nervous. Tanaka tried to give him an
encouraging speech but it didn’t seem to work. Taking my own leap of faith, I
walked over and put my hand on his shoulder and he looked up at me with big,
curious eyes.
“Hey, we can do this. Just trust me to get the toss to you,” there was a
twinkle in his eye as he smiled and nodded. I felt relieved that I was helping
him even though I was a jerk at times, but if it meant that I got to see that
smile then I would do anything. The match started and I felt myself relax into
the game. Serve, receive, cover, toss, spike, block. Hinata surprised me with
his jumps again, going high enough to block some of Tsukishima’s spikes.
For the most of the game we were doing good and I only spiked to Tanaka, in
fear that Hinata would freak out and mess up. Not that I didn’t have faith in
him, I did, but I didn’t have faith in myself since I began to toss too quickly
for Tanaka. While the other team was getting ready I pulled Hinata close to me
and whispered into his ear, completely forgetting for the moment that I had a
crush on him.
“I want us to try something. Let’s do a quick. Just trust me to get the ball to
you fast, okay?”
“Yosh!” We parted and the team served, Tanaka received it and I went to catch
it and toss. Hinata sprinted up to one side of the net but Tsukishima was close
on him, and I watched in surprise as he quickly changed direction and was
jumping on the other side of me ready to spike. I tossed and the sound of the
ball hitting the ground echoed through the court as silence spread.
Hinata was smiling at me while holding up his reddened hand. I couldn’t help
the blush and I looked away to see the other teams shocked and slightly
disturbed faces. It was making this awkward. Hinata noticed the tension and
asked the million dollar question.
“What?”
“Hinata you…” Sugawara stepped forward with a look of disbelief. “You’re eyes
were closed the entire time you spiked,” now it was my turn to be surprised. I
stared at him as we all shouted in disbelief, except for Hinata who just looked
at us like we were stupid.
“Well he said to trust him to get the ball to me, if I had my eyes open I would
be to worried about where the ball would be and miss,” it made sense but to
think that he trusted me that much made me feel like I was going to explode
with embarrassment. I didn’t show it but if I were alone I would probably be
rolling on the floor with a face redder than a tomato.
We went back to the game and me and Hinata continued to use our quicks. Neither
of us really spoke to each other but we still did great. At the second round
Hinata tried something different and at first I was confused but what he said
made sense. He was trying to open his eyes while using the quick to pinpoint
where to spike to get in-between the blockers hands. The first few times were
horrible fails but we slowly adjusted and soon were better than before.
Never did I think that the one I thought as my significant other would also be
the one meant for my tosses. It proved to me that this was meant to be and that
we were joined together here by fate. Hinata probably didn’t realize it but
when we did our quick together and scored the point, he would get this look in
his eyes that proved to me there was much hope to save him from his torment. I
promise to save you.
The game ended with us winning and Hinata jumped up as he gave me and Tanaka
high-fives. Tanaka lost his shirt some time in the game but none of us really
cared. We were welcomed to the team and given our matching track pants and
jacket with the school name embroidered on the back. Trying them on, I nodded
in approval at the fit but then I saw Hinata posing in it and I cracked a
smile. The poses were obscure and only made him more adorable in my mind. The
look of excitement on his face was reassuring and at that moment I just wanted
to pull him to me and bury my face into his silky hair. The only reason I knew
for sure that his hair was silky was because once I got angry and started
squeezing his head like a stress ball.
===============================================================================
 
Hinata and I were just racing each other to the gym when someone accidentally
got in our way and we all collided. We were in an uncomfortable pile with me on
the bottom and Hinata sandwiched in between me and the stranger. A Hinata
sandwich. I laughed mentally at that and in reality yelled at the guy to get
off of us. He got off and while we dusted ourselves off introduced himself.
Said his name was Nishinoya, a second year, and was returning from a suspension
and joining back with the volleyball team. Hinata commented on his height and I
swear I have never seen a more terrifying midget in my life. After apologizing
repeatedly we all continued to the gym but at a walk. Hinata talked with
Nishinoya about what position he did and I just watched him from the side.
Taking in the way he talks and makes different faces, the way he moved his
hands while trying to explain something, and the way he walked with a small
bounce in his step when he was happy or excited.
Practice was mostly focused on Nishinoya, a libero as found out from Hinata,
and I just stayed on the sidelines observing. As I watched them I noticed a
bandage on Hinata’s neck that I hadn’t noticed before. I wondered what was
under it and if it would leave a scar both mentally and emotionally on my
dearest Hinata. Although what annoyed me more was that Hinata’s attention was
focused just on Nishinoya, and nowhere else. It made me jealous and I angrily
practiced in a corner as they all continued talking.
“-but I won’t stay unless Asahi comes back,” my interest was peeked when I
heard that and turned to see Hinata’s reaction, to see a disappointed face. I
couldn’t just leave him like that. I waited until the end of practice before
approaching Hinata. Before I could even bring up the topic Hinata was all out
with ideas on how to convince Asahi to come back on the team. I was glad that
he was determined but also nervous because Hinata seemed very interested in
Nishinoya and this ace Asahi, I just hope he didn’t fall for either of them.
During break the next day me and Hinata asked around until we found Asahi and
called him out. We were both surprised by his height and build, the guy was
huge and powerful, no wonder he was the ace. Hinata hid behind me for a moment
and I introduced myself, as he did next. After our introductions Hinata began
to talk with Asahi more freely and I was pleased to hear all of his passion
pour into his voice as he talked about volleyball. Hinata said something that
surprised me and I felt my heart skip a beat.
“The tosses that Kageyama gives me are the best and as I spike I can see the
whole view of the court and it just feels amazing. Don’t you think so Asahi-
san?” I glanced at Hinata from the corner of my eyes and watched his
expressions change as he talked with Asahi. It was quite a sight to see that
smile and to hear the passion and confidence he had in his volleyball, it made
me want to hug him so badly.
I wasn’t sure at first that Hinata had convinced Asahi to join back on the team
but when he showed up the next day at practice I felt my pride grow at the fact
that my little Hinata was so persuasive.
Practice went well and Hinata and I walked home together in a happy silence. I
just watched as Hinata kept making these cute little faces and noises as he
thought to himself about who knows what, it made me feel so warm inside to see
that expression and how happy he seemed at the moment. I wanted to preserve
this moment. Without Hinata noticing I took out my phone and snapped a quick
picture--fuck what's wrong with me. Another picture to add to my growing
collection of Hinata. I printed out all of the pictures that I took of him and
strung them up in my closet behind all of my clothes so that no one could see
them. Sometimes I would just stay up late staring at the pictures and
remembering the moments I took them. 
We parted ways with a small goodbye and I quickly made my way back home to an
empty house again. I couldn’t help but smile to myself as I printed out the
days worth of photos that I got of Hinata and hung them. I stepped back and
surveyed my work. At this rate I would need a second closet by next month to
fill with pictures, because I could never put them out in my room since I would
never know if one day Hinata comes over.
Dinner was small and lonely like usual except for a picture of Hinata that I
put on the table held up by the soy sauce. I chewed methodically as I stared at
the picture intently. He looked so happy but that didn’t make the bandage and
dark circles go away. I continued to think deeply about the possibilities as I
did the dishes and washed up for bed. Just who was the one monster that could
hurt such a beautiful creature?
I stared at the picture in my hand as I laid in bed. Feeling myself heat up in
embarrassment I pulled it to my face and kissed it, feeling like I was some
five-year-old girl with a crush. Shaking my head I placed the picture gently by
my alarm clock and snuggled into the bed, wondering what kind of adventure
tomorrow would be and what I would learn about my beloved. I smiled gently at
the image of me and Hinata walking together in comfortable silence replayed in
my mind.
Yeah, love was nice.
***** Hinata *****
“A practice match with Aoba Johsai?” Takeda nodded enthusiastically and I felt
my stomach churn. No.
“When is it?” Daichi stepped forward along with Sugawara. Takeda looked at the
paper he was holding before replying.
“This week friday, be ready because it took a lot for me to get this favor
called in! Do your best!” The rest of the team was all pumped up for this but
the thought of going to the place I solely avoided by coming here was enough to
make me feel like I could be sick.
“Oh, and they said that the only way they would allow this match is if Kageyama
played as setter through the whole game. They wouldn’t say why though,” Takeda
became nervous by the teams curious glares and worried glances at Sugawara. I
looked over to Kageyama and saw his eyebrows knit together in anger. What is
his relationship with Aoba Johsai?
We rode the bus to the school. It wasn’t long but during the time I sat next to
Kageyama and stared out the window. When I woke up this morning I was sick and
before I changed I threw up again, losing practically everything I ate today,
not like it was much anyways. Lately I’ve barely had any appetite.
My hands began to fidget when we pulled up in front of the school and it took
everything in me to keep a calm face. It felt like everything was going in slow
motion but way too soon I was exiting the bus and walking towards their big
gym. Upon arriving to the gym someone stepped forward and started calling
Kageyama the “king of the court” and acting really rude. I remember Tsukishima
calling Kageyama the same thing once but I don’t remember the story behind it.
I would have thought more about it or asked someone but I was too preoccupied
with watching out for Oikawa.
I feared that he would jump out of one of the shadows and take me away from my
precious volleyball. Apparently I was acting jumpy because Noya came up to me
and patted me hard on the back saying that we were going to do great. I nodded
and ended up laughing nervously before I ran towards the bathroom and threw up
again. Staring at my puck, I sighed at the fact that it was just bile and acid
from my stomach. Another day without getting anything to stay down. I quickly
rinsed out my mouth before running out to catch up with the team. We were given
a locker room to put our stuff in and me and Kageyama got lockers next to each
other.
There gym was way larger than ours and we used one of the courts off to the
side. It did nothing to calm my stomach when I saw that Oikawa wasn’t there,
that just meant he could be waiting somewhere to snatch me up. All of us put on
jerseys with numbers on them and soon the match began.
Throughout the first half everything was good. I got to spike often, none of
the quicks that we practiced yet though, Kageyama said to save them for later
when we got in trouble. What really bothered me though was that the setter
Johsai was using wasn’t their official setter, because that was Oikawa.
Kageyama told the team this before practicing and it worried me that he knew
about Oikawa. Had Kageyama been hurt by Oikawa too? The thought gave me a
horrible feeling and I did everything I could to focus on the match instead of
letting my thoughts go to much much darker places.
I started to get comfortable and relax as we continued to score and progress.
We were doing really good. Through our rotation, I am now at the back of the
line waiting for the other team to spike when I felt myself being picked up
from behind.
“Chibi-chan!” everyone stopped and stared back at me as I was swung around in a
bear hug by Oikawa. I tried not to let my anxiety show when he refused to let
me go even as an upperclassman started pelting him with volleyballs. He whined
and held me up so that the back of my head touched his chin. I felt his breath
on my ear as he whispered.
“I trust that you will meet me in the bathroom after the match,  Shouyou ,” I
didn’t reply as he finally let go and followed the upperclassman to the other
side of the court. The team sent me confused glances. Kageyama glared at Oikawa
and he just sent him a cheerful smile and wave.
“Good luck Tobio-chan! Shou-chan!” Kageyama looked ready to rip the guys head
off and I would love it if he did but we still have the match. He stomped over
to me and pulled me towards him like he did in our duel match.
“Lets use the quick in the next round, catch them by surprise,” I nodded and
felt my spirit lift slightly at the thought of gaining the upper hand to Oikawa
in something, especially volleyball. People had started to gather around when
Oikawa showed up and as the setter prepared to give his “killer serve”, they
roared in excitement. It seemed like the whole team tensed up as we awaited the
serve, like we were preparing for a beating. I shook myself from my thoughts
and hardened my stare as the serve shot across the court to face me head on.
Despite all of the training we did, I failed and the ball rebounded and
connected with my chin hard enough to leave a bruise, and to knock me back.
There was a sickening crack that radiated in my skull as my head hit the floor.
My ears rang for a while as someone helped me to stand back up. I waited until
my ears stopped ringing before opening my eyes to see the concerned stares of
my team, I guess this is what I deserve for thinking that all would be okay.
“It’s okay! I’m alright!” I put on a big smile for the team and they backed off
as we prepared for the second serve. They earned a few points from the serves
before Nishinoya was able to recieve the toss and get it up in the air.
I cleared my mind of everything as I went up to spike the ball. There were
blockers jumping up to block my attack but by the time they were there I had
already spiked and earned a point. Me and Kageyama jumped and shouted in
excitement. I didn’t expect it to go that well, but that surprised look on
Oikawa’s face fueled my ego. It felt good, especially when we went and earned
more points from them with our quick.
We ended up winning the practice match but my excitement was short lived as I
took off the jersey and slipped away from the team. I looked around and didn’t
see anyone looking at me so I slipped into the bathroom, went to the last
stall, the one that was extra big, and awaited my punishment. I sat on the
toilet seat and stared at my hands in my lap. They were still red from hitting
the ball so many times. I clenched them and mentally prepared myself for
whatever torture laid ahead.
 The door to the bathroom squeaked open and clicked as it was locked. I
listened to the footsteps echo. I watched as they stopped in front of my stall
and the door opened. Oikawa smiled at me as he stepped in and locked the stall
door as well.
“I’m sorry Shou-chan but today we won’t be having that much fun. It looks like
someone has been a very bad boy,” his voice deepened as he spoke and it sent
shivers of fear down my spine. Suddenly I was yanked forward by my hair and
kicked into the wall. All air escaped from my lungs and I lay on the ground
heaving as I tried to regain my breath. “But that doesn’t mean you still need
your clothes,” I was harshly ripped from my clothes and nails scraped into my
skin as it was done.
I was pushed down onto my stomach and Oikawa used my shirt as a gag. When I
tried to rip it off with my hands, they were pulled behind my back and tied
together with something else. My eyes filled with tears as I bit down on the
gag. Oikawa’s shoe came down hard on my back repeatedly and I felt my lungs
compress and the ability to breathe became worse. Apparently bored, I was
kicked over on my side and he began to kick me in the stomach with more force
than usual. For once in a long time I began to cough harshly and I felt blood
fill my mouth as I tried to cough it out, just to make my throat sore.
He kicked and kicked turning my insides into mush. If I hadn’t thrown up
earlier I would have now. Then he was scratching my chest with his nails,
turning the skin raw and bloody. It stung and I couldn’t keep the tears in as
the pain radiated through my body. Oikawa stopped momentarily before I was
pushed back onto my stomach and my arms were twisted painfully behind my back.
I screamed into the cloth and bit down at the pain.
“Well, maybe we  do  have some time for some fun,” I screamed and cried into
the gag as he lifted my backside so that I was on my knees. When I tried to
kick him I received a painful blow to the head, making my vision swim with
black. Then the familiar pain of Oikawa’s dick up my ass cleared my vision as I
began to kick and fight. I don’t want this. I don’t know why I keep listening
to him.
I felt his nails dig into my rear and scratch the skin painfully as he began to
pound into me with brute force that ran through my hips. I cried and screamed
into the rag and pulled at the restraint on my hands hard enough to start
losing circulation in them. As the pain began to overwhelm me I fought less and
soon caved in and let myself be pulled into the darkness where the only light
was small and could easily be snuffed out if Oikawa wished, but I guess he
likes to give me false hopes so that I run back to him again.


I wish someone would save me...
***** Kageyama *****
I felt relief as we won the practice match and since this counted as a game
that means that I could tell Hinata, right? I promised myself that after our
first game together that I would tell him. When I looked around for my short
redhead I didn’t find him and worry filled my gut as it dawned on me that the
person harassing Hinata could possibly be at this school.
I quickly began to ask the others if they had seen Hinata, but none of them
had. Quite a few were worried about why I was asking but I just waved them off,
not ready to explain my whole theory, it wasn’t my place to tell. The time I
spent looking for Hinata wasn’t kept track but as it ticked by the team became
worried as well as annoyed that Hinata was missing and we all began to search
for him.
As I was searching through one of the now deserted halls again I heard a door
creak open from behind me. I turned and felt relieved to see Hinata in one
piece but there was something wrong. Tears were running down his downturned
face and his shoulders were shaking like he was trying to contain sobs. At this
moment I knew that what Hinata needed was love, and someone to care for him,
someone he could trust fully. I slowly approached him and called out his name
quietly as not to draw anyone else’s attention.
“Hinata?” His head jerked up and when he saw me he began to furiously rub away
the tears and put a smile on his face. Hinata’s mouth opened as to greet me but
his shoulders still shook and I pulled him to me and held his head with my hand
against my chest. He was frozen in my grip.
“It’s okay Hinata. I know what is going on,” whether it was my words or the
fact that I was hugging him, Hinata clung to me like a child and sobbed. My
grip tightened when I felt him growing heavier in my arms. We slowly went down
until I was sitting on the ground with Hinata folded tightly in my embrace. It
made me glad that he was accepting my help but my heart was heavy with the
thought of the road ahead of us now.
It wasn’t too long before the rest of the team found us, by the sound of
Hinata’s sobbing no less, but when they did arrive Hinata was already sound
asleep with tears staining his face.
“Kageyama, what happened?” I looked up at them with a sad face and shook my
head as I gathered Hinata in my arms and picked him up bridal style, his face
rolled against my shoulder.
“It’s not my place to tell. Hinata is tired, we should just leave,” probably
shocked by my sympathetic tone of voice they agreed and Sugawara went to fetch
Hinata’s bag. We all piled onto the bus and I propped up Hinata so that he was
leaning into my chest. I sat sideways on the seat and he laid between my legs
with his head tucked under my chin and my arms around him. Everyone was giving
me looks like I was an alien but I just ignored them.
The one I loved was hurting and that’s all I care about right now. The rest of
the ride was quiet except for Hinata’s occasional snores and mumbling in his
sleep. I listened to him and whenever he spoke I tried to listen in to see what
he was dreaming about, if he was dreaming about his tormentor, but most of it
was nonsense.
“Um, Kageyama?” I looked over at Sugawara who seemed the least confused, “What
are you going to do with Hinata, if you don’t mind me asking?” I thought a
moment before replying with confidence.
“I am going to let him sleepover at my house for the night. It would be rude if
I awoke him right now. And besides,” I looked out the window, “he needs the
rest because tomorrow is going to be a long day,” Sugawara seemed to understand
what was going on and asked me my address so that they could drop me off at my
house instead of having to walk home while carrying Hinata and our stuff. I
thanked him and walked towards my house with Hinata snoring peacefully in my
arms. At some point he had started drooling on me, but I didn’t really mind.
Balancing him in one arm, I dug out my set of keys and entered the empty house.
I knew it was empty because my mother and father were always out with work.
I took off both of our shoes and left them sitting neatly in the genkan before
bringing us to my bedroom. Our stuff was put in a pile in the corner so that we
could deal with it later and I tucked Hinata in my bed, I could use the futon
tonight. I set up the futon and began to draw a bath before I ran to get a note
that sat on my desk and the phone. I called the number and a woman picked up.
“Yes, Hinata speaking?” I explained to Hinata’s mother that he fainted from
exhaustion and that I was a friend who was going to let him sleepover because I
was worried. Once I explained the situation she was more than thankful and I
hung up the phone with a sigh.
After a nice long bath I ate some rice balls I made earlier this week and
headed to bed. Before I crawled into the futon though I kneeled next to Hinata
and pushed the hair out of his face. Kissing his forehead, I mumbled a
goodnight and crawled into my own futon, wishing that instead I could sleep
with Hinata in my arms.
My worry stuck through as I fell asleep and I had horrible dreams of rejection
and cruelty. In one Hinata was being beaten by a faceless man and I was stuck
in a net. All I could do was struggle and scream out his name as I watched him
bleed and then fall, unmoving. After the man left, the nets slipped off me like
noodles and I ran to Hinata’s. I was crying and holding him to me promising
that it would be okay when his eyes snapped open and he stared at me angrily.
“No, it’s not okay. This is all  your  fault Kageyama! You could have stopped
this but you didn’t! Look where this got me!” Hinata jabbed his finger into my
chest as he stood up and towered over me covered in blood. He sneered and spat
in my face. “I  hate  you Kageyama. And I always,  always  will. You lost your
chance the moment after our eyes met for the first time,” I woke up with silent
tears running down my face and turned to see Hinata sleeping next to me
peacefully.
Apparently at some point in the night he rolled off the bed and onto the futon
with me. I smiled and shook my head before draping another blanket over him and
leaning back into the pillow to stare at his sleeping face. I wanted to be able
to make him smile and go about with a happy life without pain. If it were
possible I would give my life to reverse all of the emotional and physical pain
he had to suffer.
Sitting there in the silence I thought back to what occurred to me earlier. The
man harassing Hinata was someone at Aoba Johsai, but who? Oikawa was overly-
friendly to Hinata for sure, and I still don’t know how those two know each
other, but I can’t see him being so cruel despite his shitty attitude. Anyone
else on the team wouldn’t make sense. I didn’t see anyone really paying that
much attention to Hinata other than the occasional sneer because he scored a
point or whenever he shouted in excitement.
I’m unsure of how long I sat there thinking about it but soon the sun was
shining through the window and blinding my eyes. Hinata was still asleep and my
stomach was starting to growl, so I decided to get up and make us some
breakfast. Nothing important ran through my mind as I prepared breakfast.
Padding back and forth through the small kitchen, I kept my focus steered away
from the anger in my stomach.
It wasn’t just normal anger too. It was burning hatred for those that hurt
Hinata. If I ever get the chance I would show them how Hinata feels. I would
kill them, slowly and painfully, and just when they thought it was almost over
I would bring them back and do it all over again. I’m not sure how Hinata would
feel about this, but it would keep him safe from the evil man doing this.
As I began to set the food down at the table I heard some racket from my
bedroom. I went up to check when Hinata appeared in the hallway, he was rubbing
his eyes and yawning, looking confused and dazed.
“K’geyama?” I gave him a small smile and went back to putting food on the
table.
“Good morning, Hinata. Did you sleep okay?” He looked confused still, and
stared at the food with a questionable look.
“Huh? Uh, yeah,” I knew that he probably was beyond confused at the moment, but
right now we needed to eat. I sat down at the table and gestured for him to
join me. Hinata didn’t move forward and instead stared at me with furrowed
eyebrows.
“Come on, I made breakfast so we might as well eat it,” I watched as he
hesitantly nodded and kneeled down to join me. Once he picked up my chopsticks
and took up a piece of tamagoyaki I began to eat as well, wanting to make sure
that he got something in too. I watched as he picked and nibbled at the food.
The most he ate was probably all of the broth from his miso soup, and there
wasn’t that much at that. I really expected him to eat more, considering how
hard he works in volleyball. The only time I ever see him really eat anything
is at lunch, and his bento is usually small and filled with octopus weiners.
“Hey Hinata.”
“Hmm?” He looked up slowly while chewing a piece of fried tilapia and cocked
his head to the side.
“Why don’t you take a bath? You seem exhausted and it could probably help,” it
seemed to take a moment for that to process before he nodded and stood up. I
watched him walk around aimlessly for a moment before walking down the hallway.
I followed him as he looked at the doors with a determined face. It was as he
was walking up and down the halls that I noticed the limp was still there. My
mind began to wander to what could have happened yesterday when Hinata called
out to me.
“Where is your bathroom?” I walked past him to the door at the end of the hall
and opened it.
“Right here, dobe,” I smiled at him and he returned it weakly before walking
in. I saw him itch the patch on his neck as he closed the door and I began to
look around the house for a medical kit. I knew we had one but I just couldn’t
remember where it was. Suddenly it clicked in my mind and I felt like an idiot.
It was in the changing room in the bathroom under the sink.
I slapped myself in the forehead as I thought up a plan on how to get it back.
Well he would need some new clothes. I searched through my dresser and found a
pair of drawstring pants and a long sleeved shirt that no longer fit me. I
hesitated on knocking on the door and instead walked into the changing room and
called out to him.
“Hinata?”
“Y-yes?”
“I’m putting a pair of clothes in here, I’ll wash yours for you,” I picked up
his clothes that lay strung across the floor and froze when I saw the blood
staining his underwear. I clenched my fists and breathed deeply to calm myself
down. Me raging out would be too much for Hinata to handle.
“Oh, thank you Kageyama,” I smiled at the relaxed sound of his voice and tried
to focus on that as I grabbed the medical kit.
“Your welcome,” exiting the bathroom, I let out a shaky sigh and went to throw
Hinata’s clothes in the wash, adding some stain remover so that I could erase
the blood from my mind. Then again if we want to catch this guy we have to have
evidence documented. Earlier in the week while I was doing research on
teenagers dealing with abuse I came across how to document the beatings and
stories to turn into the police in order to charge the beater with assault. It
would mean taking pictures of the wounds and writing down the stories that the
assaulted told. If I got Hinata to talk then maybe I could write it down
afterwards. And maybe if I asked I could take pictures of his wounds but keep
them for later, but then again he probably won’t trust me with the pictures. Or
I could put all of the evidence on a flashdrive and let him keep it to decide
what to do with it?
Yes, I liked the idea.
Back in my bedroom, I put the futon away before sitting on my bed and staring
at the medical kit in my hands. I opened it and went through its contents. A
roll of bandages, muscle cream, burn cream, bandages, rubbing alcohol,
antibacterial ointment, and some other stuff that I’ve never used before. I
kept them in the box and set it next to me before leaning forward with my head
in my hands, worrying about the troubles we will face.
The sound of the door shutting snapped me out of my thoughts and I stood up.
There was some padding around before I opened the door and looked down the
hall. Hinata stared at me and held the side of his neck with one hand. The
clothes were huge one him and he smiled at me sheepishly.
“Um, I was wondering if you had any bandages I could use,” I waved him closer.
“Yeah, in here,” Hinata joined me in the bedroom and I sat down on the bed,
while he lingered in the doorway. “Come on, I can help you,” his hand shot up
but one stayed on his neck.
“No its fine Kageyama, I can do it myself it’s no-”
“Hinata,” he stared at me with pleading eyes. “I know that someone has been
hurting you, so you don’t have to hide it,” his eyes widened and both of his
hands fell to his side and he stared at me in shock and fear.
“How did you…”
“That night that I saw you by the bridge, I could tell. You were limping and I
could see you were in pain. But don’t worry, I won’t hurt you Hinata,” I jumped
up as Hinata fell to his knees. Now I’m kneeling in front of him and he is
staring at me with sad eyes.
“But… I tried so hard to hide it,” Hinata sniffed and I hesitantly put my hand
on his. I saw him flinch but he didn’t pull away. At least he trusts me.
“Is it okay if I see them? Your bruises? I just want to make sure you take care
of yourself,” Hinata’s head dropped and he nodded dully. I pulled him up by his
hand and brought him to sit over on the bed. In other situations I would have
felt accomplished to get to the hand holding stage but this situation was
different.
“Can you take your shirt off?” I kept my voice quiet and I rubbed his knee in
encouragement. Hinata just slowly pulled it off and let it fall to the side. I
held my breath as I took in his pink chest covered in scratch marks and left
raw. His abdomen was black and blue and I saw marks just above his hips that
resembled teeth. I just clenched my jaw and took out the pain cream and began
to rub it gently on his stomach.
Hinata flinched under my touch at first but slowly relaxed, still tense but at
least trusting enough to know I wouldn’t hurt him. I rubbed in antibacterial
cream on the scratches and bite marks before covering the bites in bandages.
The two on his neck and shoulder looked infected so I was extra careful. I
checked his back and was happy to just see some bruising, and I rubbed in the
cream. After that I took the roll of bandages and began wrapping them around
Hinata’s chest tightly but not too tight as to hurt him.
“Does anything else hurt, Hinata?” no response. I knew that his hips were
hurting because of my research on rape, I made sure to be incredibly informed
so that I could do anything and everything Hinata needed.
“No…” he hesitated and I crawled back off the bed to kneel in front of him.
Hinata’s head was downturned and as I stared at him I noticed his closed eyes
and pursed lips. His hands were tightly fisted in the pants he wore, he was
overwhelmed by the situation.
“Why…”
“Why what?” I placed my hand on his knee again but Hinata flinched and I pulled
back. “What is it Hinata?”
“Why… are you helping me?” I smiled at him sadly and I saw his eyes open and
glance over at me, just to look away again.
“Hinata,” despite the flinching I took one of his curled up hands in mine and
held it firmly between my hands. “I care about you.”
“... Like a friend?” I could hear the desperation in his voice, for what I’m
unsure, but I shook my head as I pulled his hand towards my face and stared at
his eyes. He nervously held my gaze and uncurled his hand so that in clung to
mine.
“No,” he flinched and went to pull his hand back but I didn’t let him, and
instead brought it closer to my face to kiss the knuckle gently. “Hinata, I
love you.”
“...” I saw something in his face that made my stomach churn. His hand went
limp in mine and I watched his eyes widen before they rolled back into his
skull and he fell back onto the bed.
 “Hinata!”
***** Hinata *****
“Hinata, I love you,”  No no no no no no no no! NO!  I felt my body become
weightless as I lost consciousness. I felt like screaming until my lungs gave
out. He can’t love me! It’ll be just like Oikawa.  HE SAID HE LOVED ME!
Blood.
Is this what love looks like?
Tears, painful, sad tears.
Why do I deserve this?
Unbearable pain.
WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? IS THIS WHAT LOVE IS? IS LOVE WANTING TO HURT
ANOTHER? IS THAT WHY I IMAGINE OIKAWA BEING KILLED IN HORRIBLE WAYS?
 IS THAT IT?
Rancid smells from the vomit after being forced to swallow someone’s…
“Hinata, I love you.”
NO YOU DON’T! I WON’T LET YOU!
“Hinata, I love yo-”
SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP!
“Hinata, I lo-”
DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT TO ME!
Just go away.
“Hinata, I love you.”
Leave me alone, jerk.Why do you even care?
“Hinata, I love you.”
Liar.
“Hinata, I love you.”
Stop saying that, I know it’s not true. Why would anyone love trash like me?
“Hinata, I love you.... I love you.”
Why do you keep saying that? Didn’t I tell you no?
I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop my bleeding heart.
“Hinata, I love you.”
Go away Kageyama. You don’t know what I’ve gone through. You shouldn’t even
know.
“Hinata, I love you.”
But I want to be loved.
No you don’t, love is stupid. You will only get hurt.
“Hinata, I love you.”
Can’t we just give him a chance? Maybe he will be different?
Ha! You make me laugh! You’re the reason why I’m in charge, because you think
everything will be just FINE! Because you and your stupid HOPE that the pain
will end! Well newsflash buddy, IT’S NEVER GOING TO END BECAUSE NO ONE CARES!
“Hinata, I love you.”
But what about Kageyama? He said-
Fuck what Kageyama said. He just wants in on the action. Don’t you find it
suspicious that it’s only us and Kageyama at  his house , and you don’t think
he will try and take advantage of us? He probably drugged our food! He doesn’t
 care. He is just like everyone else.
“Hinata, I love you.”
Maybe you are right…
I am.
“Hinata, I love you.”
Maybe we should just give up.
Yes, we should. No one wants us anyways.
“Hinata, I love y-”
Yeah, because Kageyama doesn’t care… right?
That’s right. He is just like Oikawa.
“Hinata, I lo-”
Just like Oikawa…
Just like Oikawa. Just like Oikawa.
“Hinata, I-
Just like Oika….wa…
Yes, that’s it. Give in.
“Hinat-”
Just like...Oi..ka…
Yes, good job. Keep going.
“Hi…”
Just.... who?
Shh, just give in. Let me control. Everything will be safe this way.
“...”
What…. was…
Ignore that. It’s nothing. Just give in. Let me help you.
“...ou.”
Who..?
No, don’t listen to that. Everything will be fine. Focus on me, remember?
“...ve you.”
But… there…
Focus. On. Me.
“...love you.”
NO!
Yes… help me…
“Hina...ta… I… love you.”
NO YOU DON’T! DON’T LISTEN TO HIM! HE IS A LIAR!
Kageya....ma… help… me…
“Hinata… I love… you.”
SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.
Kage...yama...I...want….
“Hinata, I love you.”
NO YOU DO NOT YOU DIRTY ROTTEN LIAR!
Kageyama…. help… me….
“Hinata, I love you.”
SHUT! UP!
No… help me.
“Hinata, I love you.”
Kageyama….
“Hinata, I love you.”
Will you…
“Hinata, I love you.”
Help some trash….
“Hinata, I love you.”
Like me?
“Hinata, I love you.”
….
“Hinata, I love you.”
… Okay….
I opened my eyes to see the white of the ceiling in Kageyama’s room. I felt
someone holding onto my hand with both of theirs. My shirt was put back on and
I was tucked under the covers laying in Kageyama’s bed.
“Hinata, I love you,” I felt tears come to my eyes. Did he really mean it? Its
been so long since someone told me that they loved me. I raised my other hand
to my faces as the tears poured out and the sobs escaped me. I was just so
happy.
“Hinata? Hinata, what’s wrong?” Through the tears I saw Kageyama leaning over
me with a concerned face and his eyes…
“Is something hurting? Are you in pain?” I shook my head and squeezed his hand
in mine. He returned the squeeze and removed one hand and slowly, hesitantly,
brought it up to cup my face. His hands were warm and gentle. Nobody’s touched
me like this in forever. I leaned into his hand and saw the surprise for a
moment cross his face before he smiled at me warmly and brushed his thumb
against my cheek.
“...Could you... say it again?” He quirked his eyebrows together a moment
before his gazed softened out and all I could see was that sweet smile.
Kageyama leaned in closer so that our noses were almost touching and I stared
into his eyes in hope.
“I love you… Hinata,” I smiled and pressed my forehead against his, closing my
eyes to relish the moment. I felt so happy, and so… safe. I haven’t felt like
this in so long that it almost seemed foreign to me at first.
Kageyama pulled away and I sat up, our hands still intertwined. He brought his
hand back to my face and wiped away my tears. We sat like that for a while. His
hand hesitantly moved into my hair and he combed his finger through it, rubbing
his fingers against my scalp in a soothing motion. I leaned into his touch with
my eyes closed and just smiled. After a while he stopped and I opened my eyes
to see his hardening in a serious look.
“I’m sorry to say this, but can we talk about your… situation?” I felt my
stomach tighten and my hands began to twitch. I wanted to feel safe. A thought
occurred to me and I felt myself blush in embarrassment. It would make this
easier.
“If… if you h-hold me,” I glanced over and Kageyama’s face and I would have to
say that was the very first time I saw him smile like that, it only made me
blush harder. He looked so happy.
“Of course,” He moved so that he was leaning against the wall with his legs out
and I crawled in between them and leaned against his chest. His arms wrapped
around me and I sighed as he tucked my head under his chin. It felt really
really nice. It made me want to cry again because I just felt so happy. But we
have something to discuss. I bit my lip nervously.
“So… what do to want to know?” I was hesitant and barely raised my voice, in
fear that somehow if I spoke too loudly Oikawa would hear and come barging in
to keep me quiet. Kageyama rubbed circles into my arms with his thumbs as he
hummed in thought. The buzzing of his throat tickled me and I cracked a smile.
“Could you maybe tell me, who it is that’s doing this?” His voice was soft as
well and hesitant. I felt myself tense despite the comforting position. I tried
to speak but felt my throat tighten as I remembered what Oikawa said if I told
anyone. I pressed my face into Kageyama’s chest and shook my head. Kageyama put
his hand on my head and rubbed it gently. “That’s okay. I understand this is
hard. Could I ask things about him? Just yes or no questions, because then you
aren’t actually telling me, right?” I thought about it for a moment. It made
sense. I wouldn’t actually being vocalizing what has happened because Kageyama
would be the one telling  me  what happened.
“Okay.”
“Great,” Kageyama’s hand began to brush through my hair, back and forth in a
calming motion. “Are they older than us?”
“Yes.”
“Has this been going on for a long time?”
“... Yes.”
“About a year?”
“Yes…” How did he know? Kageyama must have noticed my silence because he
explained.
“Last year we met while at a volleyball match. You guys lost but I was
impressed by you and really wanted to formally meet you, but I couldn’t find
you after that. It wasn’t until a few months ago when I was looking at school
registration forms in an office did I see your form laying out that said you
were going to Karasuno. And because I wanted to meet you I came here. It wasn’t
until after our first day of school that I realized something was wrong and I
could tell by how you held yourself and smiled that it happened some time after
our volleyball match, because you smiled differently then,” I was astonished. I
really was that impressive to Kageyama? I smiled and held onto Kageyama’s shirt
tightly as not to be pulled away. He was really observant too. I’m glad that he
chose to follow me, despite how slightly disturbing it seemed.
We were silent for a moment and I felt my heart hammer away as the silence
continued. My ear was pressed to Kageyama's chest and I listened to his own
quick heart beat. I felt his chest expand as he took each breath and the air
blow through my hair as he exhaled.
"Do they go to Karasuno?"
"No."
"Do they go to Aoba Johsai?"
"..." I bit my lip again but harder this time so that I felt pain buzz through
my nerves. I wanted to say yes but fear consumed me and I just silently clung
to Kageyama.
"I'm guessing that's a yes. Did we play against them yesterday?"
"... Yes," I felt my voice give out as the words passed my lips. My fear seemed
irrational but I couldn't help it. It was a conditioned response and those
don't fade easily.
"Are they a powerful player?"
"Yes," I answered without hesitation but my voice continued to get softer. As
it did I was pulled closer to Kageyama like he was reassuring me that he was
here.
"Do I know them?"
"I... I think so," I stared off into the distance and thought back to when
Oikawa called Kageyama by his first name. At least Kageyama wasn't hurt by him.
"Do I like them?" I thought back to when Kageyama was glaring at Oikawa.
"You didn't... seem to," he hummed and began to brush his hand through my hair
again. Kageyama didn't ask any more questions but didn't let go of me either.
But I was fine with that. I felt content in his arms.
"What... does he do to you? Like, the normal stuff?" I fisted Kageyama's shirt.
He sounded hesitant and spoke softly, but I heard the undertone of anger. I
thought about it carefully before responding in a near whisper.
"He kicks me a lot, yanks my hair, slaps me, scratches me, sometimes he brings
a pocket knife, and he really likes biting me a lot," I spoke slowly. Carefully
letting each word pass my lips with traces of fear and anxiety laced in it.
"And he... he vi-iolates me... almost every time, and it really hurts," my
sentence turned into a sob and I bit my lip to keep the tears from falling.
Kageyama shushed and cooed to me, mumbling sweet nothings as I struggled to
keep from crying.
"It's okay, you don't have to say anymore. I get it," Kageyama hummed a song as
I began to calm down and even out my breathing. The sound was soothing and long
after I calmed down we still sat in the same position. My shoulder was getting
sore from leaning on it and my legs had gone numb but I didn't want to lose
this feeling.
It wasn't long before I felt Kageyama's stomach growl and heard him sigh.
"Do you feel up to some lunch, Hinata?" I pulled away slightly to look up at
him and smiled sheepishly.
"I guess it wouldn't hurt," I hadn't eaten much in the past few days because of
my loss of appetite but now that I was with Kageyama I felt more relaxed and
noticed the pain of hunger in my stomach.
As Kageyama fixed up some lunch I sat at the table, laying my head down on
folded arms. I thought about what we talked about and my response. Kageyama
loved me, but do I love him? I mean I like him as a person and his tosses give
me this rush and I admit that I do feel safer with him around, especially when
I know he is physically there. But do I love him?
I've never really thought about him that way but now that I do I can't help but
flush in embarrassment. I did always watch Kageyama when no one was looking
because I thought that he always looked so confident and sure of himself. He
was so amazing, unlike me.
Kageyama walked in with two bowls. He set one in front of my as well as a set
of chopsticks. He then sat down with a bowl of his own and we both thanked for
the meal and began to eat. There were noodles with eggs, ham and leeks. I ate
slowly, savoring the taste of it. It had been a long time since I really ate
anything and this was really good.
I heard Kageyama chuckle and when I looked up he was staring at me with that
look again and I had to look away. It made me blush and I felt something weird
in my stomach. Is this what it feels like to like someone?
"Could I ask you something?" He stopped eating and nodded.
"Sure, anything."
"Why do you love me?" He scratched his head and I saw his cheeks redden. I
really wanted to know, because to me I just couldn't understand. To me I was
useless and didn't deserve love. To me Kageyama was something amazing that
someone like me shouldn't be able to reach.
"Well I'm not really sure," I felt my heart drop a bit. "But I could try." I
tried to meet his gaze and when I did I couldn't look away. It was like he was
staring into my soul. "When I first saw you all I could see was your smile, and
I thought-think that it's beautiful. I think you're beautiful. I love how
passionate you are about the things you love. Whenever you look at me I feel
this warmth in my stomach. And more than anything I love to see you happy. Your
happiness is my happiness. And Hinata," Kageyama reached across the small table
as if to ask for my hand and I gave it to him willingly. I liked the feeling of
my hand in his. "I will do anything to make you feel safe and happy. Do you
feel safe with me?" I gave him a shy smile and nodded.
"Yeah," I watched as a smile grew on his face and it was infectious. I had
never seen him smile like that and I had to admit that that smile made me feel
nice. I like this smile.
"That's good. I hope it stays that way," he held onto my hand a little longer
before letting go and continuing with his lunch. We ate lunch mostly in a
comfortable silence, exchanging words every now and then. I convinced Kageyama
to let me help him with the dishes so I dried them after he rinsed and washed
them off.
"So Hinata, I was wondering..."
"Hm?" I reached up, trying to put the bowls in the cabinet but the shelf was to
high and I was standing on my tippy toes.
"Here," Kageyama came up behind me and lifted me up by my waist. I was
surprised at first and squeaked as a blush covered my face. I put the bowls
away, trying not to think about how nice Kageyama's hand felt against me. He
set me back down and I turned to face him to see his face twisted in a frown.
"Could I maybe... take some pictures, just a few, of your wounds?" I tensed up
in my spot as I stared at him.
"What?" I was confused and a little frightened. What did he mean?
"Just for evidence purposes! Because, if we ever try to arrest this guy, we are
going to need evidence that he hurt you Hinata. But I won't if you don't want
too! It all depends on what you want," he moved his hands a lot while he talked
and I bit my lip again. It was becoming a bad habit of mine. I did want to stop
Oikawa. And if to get that meant being slightly uncomfortable, then I would do
it.
"No, I'll do it. Just... tell me what to do," Kageyama sighed and ran a hand
through his hair before smiling at me.
"I'll go get a camera. You can go and wait in my room, okay?"
"Okay," I followed Kageyama out of the kitchen and went back to his room. I sat
on his bed and began to twist the ends of the long T-shirt. I was more than
nervous and embarrassed as well. Kageyama walked in holding a camera. He looked
embarrassed as well as ashamed.
"How about we just get some of the bruises and bite marks," I nodded and
hesitantly pulled my shirt off. I felt my face heat up as I stood up. Kageyama
walked closer and began to take pictures. He was very careful and undressed and
redressed the wounds. His hand would accidentally brush against me and it only
made me feel worse. Is it bad that his touch feels so nice?
"We can stop if I'm making you uncomfortable," his face looked sad as he said
it and I shook my head.
"No! Your not making me uncomfortable! It's just... I don't know. I'm just
being weird."
"What do you mean?" I wrung my hands as I looked at him.
"It's just that, your hands, your touch, it's really... gentle. And it's making
me feel weird. Maybe it's just me that's being weird," I trailed off towards
the end but Kageyama sputtered and I looked back to see his face beat red and
he was leaning over while covering his mouth.
"Oh my god are you okay?" I reached out to help him but Kageyama moved suddenly
and pulled me into a hug. I stood there with my hands up, frozen and confused.
"You're not weird. I promise. What you just said, it... it made me really
happy. Is it... a good weird feeling?" I hesitantly grabbed onto him and
pressed my red face against his chest.
"Yeah," I felt Kageyama's hands press flat against my back and they made me
shiver. He began to move them and soon he was tickling me and I squealed in
laughter.
"Noooo!" I tried to run away but he jumped at me and we both fell onto his bed.
Kageyama hovered over me smiling.
"Rar," I playfully slapped him.
"Unhand me! Or you will be cursed-gah!" Kageyama went back to tickling me and I
squirmed as laughter escaped me and I tried to tell him to stop.
"Nope," he tried tickling me under my arms, where I am  very  ticklish, and I
pressed my arms against my side.
"No, bad Kageyama," I tried to frown at him but he poked my stomach and I let
out a squeak and he dived for the kill.
"Noooooooo!" I screamed in between giggle fits as I slapped at Kageyama with
weak effort. I haven't laughed like this in forever. Kageyama was laughing too
and when I was too out of breath to laugh any more he stopped and flopped down
next to me.
"Now I know, Hinata is very ticklish. Proceed with caution, unless you wish to
be cursed," I pushed his face to the side.
"Shush! You jerk," I tried to act angry but couldn't keep back my smile and
Kageyama rolled onto his side and stared at me.
"I love your laugh," he touched my face and we stared at each other. He brought
himself closer to me and I rolled onto my side as well, holding his hand to my
face. He brought our faces closer so that our noses were touching. I felt my
heart beating faster as his breath hit my lips.
"Can I... kiss you?" I felt my heart skip a beat and the blood rush to my face.
"Y-yes," I closed my eyes and felt Kageyama's other hand pull my waist so we
were pressed against each other. I held my breath as his lips met mine. It was
just a small kiss at first, and Kageyama pulled back but I wasn't done. I
wanted to  feel  that Kageyama loved me.
Grabbing his face, I pulled Kageyama back into the kiss. He jumped at first but
happily kissed back. I felt his tongue brush my lip and I opened my mouth and
felt his hand move to the back of my head and tilt it back. His tongue pushed
against mine and rubbed the roof of my mouth.
I moved my hands to his shoulders and held onto him tightly. It felt different
kissing Kageyama, not like when I kiss Oikawa. Oikawa was always demanding and
would bite my lips, and his tongue felt slimy in my mouth. But Kageyama felt
nice. It made my stomach feel all tingly and my toes curl. I felt safe with his
hands wrapped around my waist and my chest against his.
When he pulled away I opened my eyes with my mouth still slightly ajar. We
stared at each other and Kageyama smiled as his hands rubbed circles into my
back. I smiled back shyly and put my hands on either side of his face.
"That was my first kiss," I gaped at Kageyama.
"What? Liar, that was not your first kiss. It was too professional," I said the
last part in a whisper with a red face but I saw Kageyama smile evilly.
"Huh, what was that Hinata dear? Did I just hear a compliment?" I scoffed and
pushed his face away from me in embarrassment.
"Shut up, you heard what I said," he laughed and hugged me to him. I rested my
head against his chest and closed my eyes. I snuggled in closer and breathed in
through my nose smiling. Kageyama smells nice too. He pressed his head in my
hair and I swear he was sniffing me too. I just blushed and closed my eyes,
enjoying the moment.
"You smell really sweet. I like it," I buried my face in his shirt while
yelling at him to shut up. I never would have thought Kageyama would be so
open. It actually makes me happy. He laughed and kept his face in my hair. I
wonder if he likes my hair?
“Hinata, go out with me,” my eyes widened and I pushed away from him so I could
see his face, it was completely serious.
“Why-what?” He stared at me and said it again. I rolled over and stood up,
grabbing my shirt and pulling it on. He couldn't of just said that. It feels
just like last time. We laughed, and kissed, and cuddled. He asked me out, I
said yes. The next day we hung out at my house and he took my virginity by
force. Then my life ended. So does that mean I am still going out with him?
What if he finds out and hurts Kageyama? I can't have that happen. Kageyama is
my last hope.
“Hinata-”
“No,” I said it quietly, with my back to him. I heard rustling as he stood up
and walked so he was standing behind me. His presence made me shiver and I held
myself.
“Why? Is it because of  him ?” I wanted to say no, wanted to say that I was
just not ready but I felt the truth just slip out of me. I guess I really can’t
hide anything from him.
“Yes,” I felt Kageyama coming closer and tensed up as his arms wrapped around
me from behind. I felt his chest press into my back and I wanted so badly to
relax into him but I didn't want Kageyama to get hurt on my behalf.
“I already said it didn’t I? I will protect you, no matter what, because I love
you,” I began to shake anxiously and I felt my stomach churn familiarly as my
throat constricted. I broke from his grip and ran out the door and down the
hall. He called after me and I heard him running . I slammed the door to the
bathroom shut and dropped to my knees as I lost my lunch. So much for eating
something today. It looks like any time I get anxious I throw up.
“Hinata,” he softly called out to me and rubbed my back as I hugged the toilet
bowl and dry heaved. It hurt so bad and drew tears to my eyes and snot flew
from my nose as I threw up again. As I leaned back to catch my breath Kageyama
wiped the barf, snot and tears from my face with a cool rag. He put another rag
on the back of my neck as I dry heaved again and continued to rub my back. I
cried into the bowl and reached out to Kageyama. He took my hand and I gripped
it tightly.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I don’t want to lose you, I’m sorry,” I spoke in between
sobs and dry heaves. I apologised so much and Kageyama just listened to me as I
rambled on. I told him about my first time. I told him how much it hurt
afterwards. I told him how it went from twice a week to three times to four
times and then to every day of the week and when it would happen twice or three
times a day and that it hurt to move. That I used my moms pads to hide the
bleeding and wore sweaters to hide the hickeys. That I wrote a fake doctors
note to get me out of gym for the rest of the year. How I stopped playing
volleyball for a while because I would be in so much pain. How I went to the
mall with my mother and sister and he was there, and that whenever my mother
wasn’t looking he would snatch me up and fuck me in the stalls. About how I was
forced to give him a blow job. When I couldn't walk right for a whole week.
When I stopped eating for a whole month and almost died. When I tried to kill
myself with my mother’s pills and I only got sick. About how I was sick for a
week and when my mother was out or not in the room for a while he would sneak
in the house and fuck me in my own bed. When he hit me for the first time. When
he kicked me so hard my rib broke but I couldn’t go to the hospital. When he
was angry that I avoided him for a month and he shoved glass shards into my
bottom. About how he started being nice again and I trusted him. How he took me
out to see a movie and afterwards brought me to an alley where eight men took
turns fucking me and getting me to give them blow jobs while he watched. About
whenever I thought about telling someone he would find out and beat me until I
was unconscious and then brought me to his house where I stayed for the whole
night trapped in the basement. How I had to clean my own blood from the
basement floors and walls with no cleaning supplies. How I started playing
volleyball again and pushed myself too hard and I was almost sent to the
hospital. How I decided to attend Karasuno and he beat me up and raped me. How
I saw Kageyama afterwards. About how we went to Aoba Johsai and he beat me up
in the bathroom, saying that he wouldn’t rape me, but did anyways. How I
couldn’t remember what happened after that. How he told me that if I ever told
anyone or even thought about it he would sell me and come to visit me as often
as he could. How he promised that I only got the really twisted ones. How I
would have to dress up and seduce people. About the time that he made we wear
many different slutty female outfits and that if I didn’t seduce him with each
outfit that I wore that he would hurt Natsu. How I seduced him and was forced
to act as if I enjoyed the rape. How he threatened to hurt Natsu if it didn’t
seem real. How I couldn’t cry even though I wanted to. How I had to come down
on him. How he started using sex toys. How disgusted I was when I realized that
some of them felt really good. How I started hurting myself because I felt
worthless. How he made me fuck myself with the toys while he recorded it, and
that I had to enjoy it. How disgusting I felt when I realized that the toys
felt really good. How he threatened me with the tape. How I destroyed the tape
and he nearly strangled me. How he kept getting me to come back to him. How he
visited me at school and fucked me in the boys bathroom until my legs wouldn’t
work without pain shooting through them. How disgusting I felt. How hopeless I
felt. How much I hated myself. How happy I was when Kageyama said he loved me.
How I didn’t want to lose him. How I just wanted to die.
“Oh Hinata,” Kageyama hugged me to him and cried. Telling  me  that  he  was
sorry. I wanted to cry with him but all my tears were gone. I hugged him as he
cried and his face was buried against my neck. I consoled him as he cried for
me and felt something flicker within me. I felt useful as I held Kageyama. I
felt a small smile pull the corner of my mouth up. Right now, right here, I
felt like I had a purpose. That I would protect Kageyama from these evils,
because I knew that Oikawa new. I’m not sure how he knew but I know he did. I
knew that Oikawa would threaten to hurt Kageyama. So I would do whatever he
asked, if it was for Kageyama. Because Kageyama made me feel safe. He made me
feel useful. He made me feel loved.
I felt my heart growing heavy at what I would have to endure to save Kageyama.
How many times would I be hurt today? Tomorrow? How much would I have to do to
see Kageyama smile like that again? How much would I have to hide, to make
Kageyama believe I was okay? To make Kageyama hold me like that again? To kiss
me like that again? To trust me with his toss?
“Hinata, Hinata, Hinata, Hinata,” Kageyama pressed kisses to my face as his
tears continued to fall. I felt heat bloom and spread through my body with each
small kiss he placed on my face. He leaned his forehead against mine and stared
at me with sad eyes. “I will save you,” he rubbed my cheek with his thumb as he
held my face.
“And I’ll save you,” I whispered it softly and closed my eyes as I leaned
against Kageyama. I wasn’t sure if he heard me because he continued to say my
name and place kisses on my face and repeat that line.  “I will save you.”
“So what are you doing with the pictures?” My head rested on top of his as I
held  him around the shoulders while he sat at the computer downloading the
pictures to the computer.
“Well I was thinking of putting them all on this flash drive as well as
documents involving everything you told me, does that sound good?”
“Hm,” I nodded on his head and watched as he moved the pictures to a
flashdrive. The pictures looked gruesome and I couldn’t picture them as being
on my body. He opened a word document and began typing. I read as he typed and
we discussed what would go in it. I pointed out some mistakes and filled in
some blanks but most of it was dead on and accurate.
“Ah,” I moved as Kageyama stood up and stretched. I watched him and when he was
done stretching I took his hand. I liked holding hands, even though it made my
face red in embarrassment. Although I probably wouldn’t be able to hold his
hand around other people, I would be to nervous too. Kageyama’s question from
earlier popped in my head, but I still didn’t know what to say.
“Could I think about my answer, Kageyama?” He looked at me for a moment before
realization hit and he squeezed my hand, giving me a small smile.
“Of course,” I returned his smile with effort. I just wanted to go home and
sleep now. Out of instinct I yawned and slapped myself on the face lightly to
stay awake. Kageyama laughed and I shot him a look even though my cheeks grew
red.
“You going to get ready to leave, or do you want to stay tonight as well?” I
wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight with Kageyama by me because I still needed to
figure out what it was that I felt for him.
“I think I should get home,” he smiled sadly but helped me gather my things. He
had washed all of my clothes, including my school uniform, and I thanked him.
We exchanged phone numbers and as Kageyama stood at the exit to say goodbye I
motioned for him to lean down. He did and I quickly kissed his cheek and ran
out, yelling goodbye as I left.
My cheeks were burning red as I walked down the road and I clutched my bag to
me. Me and Kageyama, boyfriends, lovers or best friends? The first two were
basically the same thing and I wasn’t sure what to say about them but I
definitely agreed on the last one. I tried to imagine Kageyama with anyone else
and it just made my stomach go all weird. The image disappeared from my mind
and I poked myself on the nose and crossed my eyes, mumbling “weirdo.”
As I giggled to myself, I got this feeling that I was being watched and looked
around. No one there. I shrugged, thinking that it was my imagination or a bird
and continued the walk. As I neared the cross roads I got the feeling again but
before I could look I felt pain errupt from the back of my head and I fell to
my knees, black swirling in my vision.
“Kage…” I tried to call for Kageyama but black covered my vision and I was out.
All I could feel was the numbing pain and all I could think was that Kageyama
was safe, and as long as he was I would be okay. Right?
***** Kageyama *****
I was smiling to myself as I cleaned up the house. It felt like some weight was
lifted off my shoulders and I had a warm feeling in my stomach. Suddenly I
heard my phone ringing, since I set the volume on high in case Hinata called,
and ran towards my room to get it. Hinata's number was displayed on it and I
felt my smile grow.
"Hello Hinata, what is-" there was the sound of a muffled cry that stopped me
and I felt my eyes widen and my grip on the phone tighten.
"Well looks like  someone  has been quite a blabber mouth. Wouldn't you agree
Hina-chan?" I heard the soft sobs that echoed in my ears.
"Who the fuck are you? Get the hell away from Hinata," I growled and slammed my
fist down on my desk. I heard the man sigh. He sounded familiar.
"Eeeh, your such a party pooper. I like playing with Hina-chan. And I think he
likes it too, don't you Hina-chan?" Hinata's scream rattled my brain and I felt
angry tears forming in my eyes as I clenched my teeth. When I find this guy I
am not going to hold back one bit.
"Bastard! If you harm another hair on his head I'll-" I was cut off by a pained
cry.
"Whoops, sorry didn't hear you there. I was too busy fucking your precious
ginger," I was beyond pissed now and was about to explode. I felt angry tears
run down my face.
"You get away from him right fucking now! I've got proof now that you've done
this and when I turn it into the police you can no longer hurt him. What about
that bastard?" I heard a laugh and was taken aback. It was a full on belly
laugh that made me clench my teeth so hard my jaw began to ache.
"You amuse me. The police? Ha! They won't see me coming, yes sirree. And to
make it easier I've got Hinata wrapped right around my finger. Yup! This little
slut," there was a sound of skin hitting skin followed by a whimper, "will do
whatever the hell I tell him to do. Heck I could probably get him to lie to the
police about this, or better yet, sell himself to a whore house!" There were no
words to describe how I was feeling. My face was hot in anger and my
fingernails were almost drawing blood from my fists being so tight. If I could
I would end this guy right here right now.
"Do not  ever  talk about Hinata that way! You disgusting bastard! Who the hell
do you think you are?" I meant it rhetorically and he laughed.
"Who am I? Well  Kageyama Tobio,  I am just the most powerful setter you will
ever meet. Isn't that right, Chibi-chan?" Now I was silent. No. This couldn't
be. What. The. Hell. This just... What?
"Oikawa?" I said in disbelief.
"The one and only, Tobio-chan! And you won't tell a single soul about this."
"And why the fuck won't I? I could be calling the police right now," I wasn't
and he probably knew it. I can't believe how stupid I was! I should have
realized it was Oikawa! There was an ear splitting scream that made me pull the
phone away.
"SHUT UP YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" There was a deafening sound followed by a cracking
noise.
"HINATA!" I growled. That bastard! "YOU GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM! OR I WILL
CALL THE POLICE!" I was scrambling around for the phone when I heard Oikawa's
breath in my ear.
"I would love too, under one condition."
"What?" I snapped, still looking for the phone.
"You take all of the evidence on that flash drive, you know which one, and
destroy it. Then I will promise to never hurt Hinata again, as long as you keep
up your end of the deal," I was tempted to just call the police but the sound
of Hinata's sobbing made me hesitate. If he leaves Hinata alone then we can
always redocument the evidence safely. But then he might find out again. How
did he even know about it? He probably got it out of Hinata.
"Fine," I went and got the flash drive and a hammer.
"Put it on speaker phone. I want to hear it being destroyed," I clenched my jaw
and did as instructed. This is for Hinata.
I set the flash drive on the ground. As I raised the hammer I felt my face
contort. I closed my eyes as the hammer came down with a helpless crunch. I
continued to smash it until it was in tiny pieces. I stared at the mess and
felt tears pouring down my face. I felt so defeated.
"Good. Now I suggest you come and get little Hinata. He's in no shape to get
anywhere on his own. Ta-Ta!" The call ended with a crackling noise and I was
already running out the door, my shoes barely pulled on.
Oikawa may not have told me where he was but I had a very good idea where he
would have been. My lungs burned as I continued running at full speed. My body
wasn't used to it and it took all of my willpower to keep myself from slowing
down. My eyes watered at the pain that ran through my muscles but I kept it in.
I have no right to cry over something so insignificant.
I took a sharp turn and practically flew down the steep hill by the bridge. Out
of breath and body growing heavy, I stopped and caught my breath before turning
towards the scene. It made me want to cry but I toughened up and went to
Hinata's aid.
There were red welts forming on his back and claw marks on his backside and
thighs. There was blood splattered in multiple places and I could barely see
Hinata breathing. As I crouched down next to him I noticed his phone smashed
into pieces a little bit from where he lay. Looking at him like this broke my
heart.
There was a long gash on his cheek that mixed with his tears, his eyes stared
of into the distance with a glazed look. Covering his neck and collarbone were
red marks that were, I hate to say it, hickies. I held back a choked sob as I
looked at his chest. Carved into his chest and spilling with blood was an ugly
word. " Slut ". I took Hinata's limp outstretched hand and held it to my face.
I kissed his palm and took a moment to contain myself before looking at the
rest of the damage. There were multiple minor cuts all over the insides of his
wrists as if he cut himself and the thought that he probably did crushed me
even more. Covering his black and blue stomach were red gashes dripping with
blood, but not deep enough to do much damage. Then there were his thighs. They
were covered in hickeys and hand marks. There was also disgusting white liquid
and blood dripping out between his thighs and I felt my heart crumble.
Taking off my shirt, I sat Hinata up gently and pulled it over him. It was big
and covered most of him. I looked around and saw his bag laying in the grass. I
pulled a pair of his sweat pants oit and helped put them on him. Hinata just
sort of stared off. Whenever I asked him to do something so that I could dress
or pick him up he just did it without any reply. I asked how he was feeling and
he just turned away.
He didn't fight me as I picked him up like I did the day before. When I asked
he put his arms around my neck and leaned into my shoulder heavily. He was
shaking like a leaf and I knew that he wouldn't be able to go home like this.
We walked quietly back to my house, and once we got there I brought Hinata to
the bathroom before putting his stuff back in my room.
Back in the bathroom I drew a bath and asked Hinata if he needed help getting
clean. He didn't respond but undressed and sat down on the stool with his
shoulders hunched in as if waiting. I took off my clothes as well and decided
that I might as well get cleaned too.
I washed myself quickly before cleaning Hinata off carefully. His shoulders
shook the whole time and I made sure to tell him everything that I was going to
do before I did it. He never said anything or really showed any sign that he
heard me but I didn't get aggravated about it. As I scrubbed his scalp with
shampoo he finally spoke, but in a broken whisper that I had to strain my ears
in order to hear.
"Do you hate me now?" I was simply astonished by this statement and it made me
tremble.
"Of course not, Hinata. I love you, okay? Don't you forget that. I will always
be here for you," He didn't say anything after that but his shaking slowly
stopped and I rinsed him off before we both stepped into the bath. We sat there
sitting side by side and just when I was about to ask Hinata something he moved
closer to me so that he was leaning against my chest with his hand pressed flat
against my sternum. I was surprised at first but then wrapped my arms around
him and rested my head on his. Neither of us talked. Neither of us moved. We
just sat there, holding onto each other for dear life.
We didn't get out until our skin was pale and prunny. I brought out some more
clothes for us both and Hinata struggled to get the pants on. I helped him in
them before finishing drying his spiky hair off. He just sat there limply as I
took out the med kit and began to treat his new wounds. I asked what hurt and
he just shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his lap. While putting a
patch on his face I saw him begin to scratch the cuts on his wrists from the
corner of my eyes.
“Hinata,” I grabbed his hands and held them gently in mine. His eyes stared in
my direction but seemed like he was looking through me and not at me. “Don’t
worry. He can’t hurt you any more,” I kissed both of his knuckles. “I promise
on my life.”
“Okay…” Hinata breathed out the word before squeezing my hands slightly. I
smiled at him sadly and went back to work. I was beginning to wrap the cuts on
his wrists when he spoke up again.
“He hit me with a belt,” I froze and my hands shook, I couldn’t look up at him.
“And he made me cut myself with the knife. I just wanted to make sure that he
didn’t hurt you too,” Hinata began to cry and I hugged him to me, feeling like
crying again.
“It’s okay, we’re both safe now. You don’t have to worry anymore, I’m here,” he
clung to me and I would have rubbed his back but it was covered in welts. I
decided to brush my hand through his hair again. That seemed to calm him down
the best.
“Yes,” I heard him speak and then paused.
“Yes what?”
“I… I want to… go out w-with you,” I paused my brushing of his hair and he
leaned back to look at me, really look at me. His eyes were back in focus and
he stared at me desperately. I brought a hand up to his face and smiled.
“I would love that,” he cracked a small smile and pressed our noses together.
“So does that make me your boyfriend?” he said it quietly but I still noticed
the teasing undertone and I pulled back, kissing his nose.
“Yes, you’re my boyfriend, silly,” he laughed breathily and pulled me against
him in a hug. I instantly hugged him back.
“I think I might love you too,” he spoke quietly in my shoulder but I still
heard it and I kissed his head. Smiling into his hair I felt Hinata nuzzle my
neck and I chuckled.
“That tickles,  boyfriend ,” I heard Hinata giggle and he pulled back with a
small smile on his red face. I leaned towards his face and saw him close his
eyes as I gave him a small kiss. I wrapped up the rest of his arms and put
patches on the welts on his back. He took some pain medicine and put on a big
sweater I grabbed for him. I fixed up dinner as Hinata sat at the table quietly
with a sad face. I hated seeing him like that but today had been hard for the
both of us. We ate a simple stir fry quietly. I sat closer to Hinata and our
knees were pressed against each other under the table.
After we did dishes, Hinata insisted on helping again, we went to my room to go
to bed. Hinata went straight for the bed and climbed in. I went to the closet
and pulled out the futon. Hinata watched as I laid it out. I went to the
lightswitch and smiled at him.
“Goodnight,” he just stared at me as I flicked it off and got into the futon. I
heard shuffling of sheets and my blanket was lifted off. “What the-” Hinata
crawled into the futon next to me and I could just make out his face. I rolled
over on my side and he crawled closer, sticking his head under my chin and
resting it against my chest. I felt him grab my shirt in his hands and I just
laid there in shock. I was not expecting this. So I rolled with it and wrapped
my arms around Hinata, pulling him closer to me and I heard a hum come from
Hinata as he snuggled against me.
I guess sometimes things turn out just right.
Hinata ended up staying at my house the whole weekend and into Monday. He used
my phone to call his house and said that his mother was fine with it. The night
before I made us both lunches and Hinata sat on the counter and watched me
work. He complained that I was putting too many vegetables in it but when I
said that he wouldn’t get any more cuddling time he quickly stopped and it made
me chuckle. His face grew really red after that and he pretended to be mad at
me for the rest of the time I made the lunches.
We walked to school together and Hinata clung to my arm for most of the walk
there, but once we neared the school he let go. He told me that he wasn’t ready
yet to let the others know and I was fine with that.
I had made sure that we left extra early so that we could change first with no
one else around, to make sure no one saw Hinata’s wounds. Before we left this
morning I changed them and we both decided to wrap his neck up in bandages to
hide all of the hickeys. We changed and went down to the gym to wait for every
one else to arrive.
When they did arrive and we entered the gym to go practice it was quieter than
it usually would be. Hinata didn’t say anything and stuck close to me with his
head turned down. I told him that he didn’t have to pretend everything was
okay, because I would tell everyone else to lay off. I saw Noya run up to slap
Hinata on the back and I caught his hand making his eyes go wide as I glared at
him.
“Hinata is not having a good day so I suggest that you don’t do that,” I spoke
softly but it was hard and slightly threatening. I let go of his hand and he
just stood there. I turned back and saw the whole team staring at me. I glared
at them all, and I mean everyone. I met all of their eyes with one hard glare.
“I would suggest that  all of you  lay off of Hinata for the time being,
understand?” I saw a few nod their heads and Sugawara started walking towards
Hinata. I watched as Hinata looked up, saw Sugawara, and dashed towards me. He
hid behind my back and I felt him clinging to my shirt, shaking.
“Hinata, what’s wrong? Please, tell us,” Sugawara spoke desperately and I heard
Hinata whisper to me.
“Hinata says he doesn’t want to. He wants you to all act like nothing is
different,” Noya stepped forward with his arms crossed.
“And why are  you  so special, Kageyama? You’re the one that’s always on Hinata
like a bully, why should we trust you?” I opened my mouth but didn’t have time
to speak as someone spoke up.
“Because I trust Kageyama. I don’t really trust all of you….” the others looked
shocked at what Hinata just said and it did strike something in me, but it felt
good to be something special to Hinata. I felt him let go of my shirt as he
came out from behind me, head held high. All of their faces stayed in shock as
they took in all of the bandages covering Hinata. I saw Hinata’s fingers twitch
and knew what that meant. He was scared.
“Hinata… what happened? Are you okay?” Sugawara and the others started asking
questions and didn’t notice when he flinched back. I set my jaw and stepped
forward, putting my arm in front of Hinata.
“I said, leave him  alone ,” they stopped their questions and I saw some of
them looked pissed and the others looked worried. I felt Hinata tug on my shirt
and when I looked back at him he was already walking for the door. I followed
him and before I shut the door I looked back at the others. “And don’t even
think about eavesdropping,” I closed the door and looked at Hinata, whose back
was facing me.
“Hinata…” he turned with his head down and walked into my open arms. I hugged
him tightly as he clung to my shirt shaking. He wasn’t crying but he was still
scared.
“That was… terrifying,” I pet his hair.
“I know. You did good. I think they understand,” I felt him nod into my
shoulder and I leaned my head against his. We stood there until Hinata stopped
shaking and was ready to go back in. The team was in a circle off to the side
and when we stepped in they all looked at us. They seemed to be waiting for
something.
“Can you toss to me for a while?” he still spoke softly, I think his throat was
still sore, and I nodded.
“Sure,” he waited while I went and rolled out the bin of volleyballs. When I
came out Sugawara was waiting for me and the rest of the team was standing off
to the side still.
“Kageyama, what is this about? Is this about what happened Friday? Why is
Hinata covered in bandages?” I shook my head.
“It’s not my place to tell, and Hinata says he isn’t ready to tell you yet. He
says you all will react violently and he doesn’t want that. He’s already been
apart of enough violence as it is,” I walked away without another word and took
up a ball. “Hinata,” he looked up and I saw a small spark in his eyes as well
as a smile beginning to form. We both got up into place and Hinata ran up,
albeitly a lot slower due to his hips, and jumped up. I aimed the toss and got
it right to his palm as he spiked and the sound of the ball hitting the ground
echoed in the gym.
“Again,” Hinata sent me a smile, a genuine one, and went back to his place as I
picked up another ball. While we worked the others slowly began to practice as
well. They kept sending us weird looks but I ignored them. They all listened to
what I said and stayed away from Hinata. As practice neared the end me and
Hinata went up first and I stood on guard as Hinata changed. It was a good
thing too because Sugawara came up a little after we did.
“Let me through Kageyama, I have to change,” I stayed in front of the door with
my arms crossed.
“Not until Hinata is finished,” I saw Sugawara frown and his eyebrows moved
into a V-like shape.
“I’m your senior, now move,” I didn’t move.
“Not until Hinata is finished,” I saw that he was getting annoyed but his eyes
also shone with concern.
“Kageyama please, tell me what is going on. I want to help, I promise I won’t
tell the others. Is Hinata in some sort of trouble? Did someone do that to
him?” He was becoming frantic. I uncrossed my arms and put one on his shoulder
and he stopped.
“It’s not my place to tell. So please wait until Hinata is ready,” he nodded
his head in defeat and stepped off to the side and waited. Hinata knocked on
the door and I moved out of the way as he opened it.
“I’m ready,  boyfriend ,” I smiled as he stuck his tongue out at me. Sugawara
cleared his throat and Hinata froze, slowly turning to face the other setter.
He took a step back towards me before hiding behind my back again. I saw
Sugawara smile.
“So is that what’s going on? You two are dating?” I nodded and felt Hinata
press himself against my back, holding onto my shirt. Sugawara shook his head
before putting a finger up to his lips.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell the others,” he went into the club room and only
when the the door closed did Hinata come out from behind my back. I felt his
hand slip into mine and I squeezed it before we walked down the stairs and
headed to class.
No one in class asked why Hinata was in bandages. No one seemed to care. Each
lesson seemed to drag by and I wanted so badly to look back and watch Hinata to
make sure he was okay but I would get yelled at by the teacher. When lunch came
around me and Hinata sat under a desolate tree and ate together. He leaned into
my shoulder as he ate and I watched  him out of the corner of my eye.
Hinata still only picked at his food but I got him to get in some protein and
vegetables. I even had to use the threat of no cuddles if he didn’t eat his
vegetables. He didn’t take it seriously at first, so when I scooted away and
wouldn’t let him lean against me he ate his vegetables, mumbling something
about a “mean boyfriend” so I kissed him on the cheek and said;
“Am I a mean boyfriend now?” Hinata of course blushed and then pulled his hood
over his head and wouldn’t look at me until I started tickling him. It was nice
to just tease him for a while and be together without any worry.
After school at practice everyone still gave me those weird looks, excluding
Sugawara who went over to some of the ones staring and telling them that
staring wasn’t nice and if they continued he would make them run laps. So
people stopped staring and practice went on as normally as it could. Hinata
still didn’t show any emotions around the others, because he was scared, and I
was okay with it. At least he can have some time with me so he can relax. We
left early again and when Daichi tried to stop us Sugawara let us go and I
nodded my head to him in thanks.
As we walked home, Hinata wrapped his arms around mine and hung onto me.
Whenever we weren’t talking he would get this blank look on his face and I knew
that he was probably thinking about Oikawa. I sure as hell wanted to teach that
asshole a lesson but Hinata said that I shouldn’t because he didn’t want me to
get hurt to.
Hinata didn’t take the turn to his house and we stayed at my house for a while,
sitting together and watching TV. I walked him all the way home even though he
said he would be okay and before he entered his home I pulled him to me and we
shared a deep kiss.
On the walk back I thought about today and about the weekend. I should
definitely redocument what he told me and use the pictures again, because I
never deleted them from the camera, but I should also ask Hinata if we can get
new pictures of his most recent wounds. We would need to talk about it face to
face before deciding what to do this time.
I sure hope that Oikawa keeps his word. And I hope even more that he doesn't
find out that we are re-documenting the evidence for our case. As soon as I get
the okay from Hinata I am submitting the evidence to the police, no matter what
Oikawa might say.
***** Hinata *****
"Kageyama?"
"Hm?" He turned to look at me and I slowly stopped walking. I had been getting
colder lately and the fall was setting in so I wore a thick scarf and gloves.
"Could I stay at your house for a while?" I saw him smile sweetly out of the
corner of my eyes. Kageyama rested his hand on mine where it held to the bike
handle bars.
"Of course you can, my doors are always open for you. Does your mom know?" I
nodded. I had told her this morning because I still haven't gotten a new phone
yet and she said that it was fine and I could stay as long as I wanted. I've
been staying after school and club with Kageyama almost constantly and my mom
seemed to understand that I was having a hard time.
Kageyama took the bike from me and we continued on the walk. I hugged myself
and shivered as the wind picked up. I still haven't been able to get much food
down but at least I wasn't throwing all of it up. I still did throw up though
and it had just started affecting me recently. I had lost a lot of weight and
all of my ribs were visible. My eyes were sunken in and my skin was paler. The
wounds were still healing but slower than usual and they bled a lot more.
Usually during lunch Kageyama changed my bandages and then we ate together
under a tree. The team hasn't asked me why I was covered in bandages or why I
wasn't as happy as before, and I was glad they didn't. Kageyama told them that
I was having a rough time and they should lay off. I still practiced hard
though, despite how tired and painful it was.
I kept my scarf on after we got to Kageyama's house and he left the bike
outside the door. He usually walks me home half way before I bike the rest of
the trail.
"Tea?" I nodded and he went into the kitchen. I walked to his bedroom and
collapsed on the bed. After laying there for a moment, I shivered and went to
Kageyama's closet. I pulled down one of his sweaters and pulled it over me. It
was a turtleneck and it covered my face. I rolled it down a bit and didn't
bother to roll up the long sleeves. I like them long. I went to close the
closet when I noticed something through the clothes. I tilted my head, turned
on the light and pushed the clothes out of the way, just to freeze and stare.
What. The. Fuck.
"I made us some chamomile- what are you looking at?" I heard the guilt in his
voice. The cups clinked as he set them on the table and I didn't look away from
the closet. It was covered and I mean  covered  in pictures of me. Some from
far away some from up close. I felt Kageyama standing behind him and I cleared
my throat, face red in embarrassment.
"Why do you have so many pictures of me?" My voice squeaked as I spoke and I
hugged myself again. I heard Kageyama chuckle nervously.
"Well... I did say that I liked you for a while. I guess I got a little out of
hand. Does it bother you? Do you want me to get rid of them?" I could hear in
his voice how sad that would make him and instead of saying anything I looped
my arm through his and leaned against his shoulder, still beat red.
"Weird aside it actually makes me feel kind of... happy? I guess because it
shows me how much you care about me," I trailed off as I continued staring at
the pictures, noticing that in one of them I was standing on the court all
alone holding a volleyball with a distant look on my face. I touched it,
remembering that day.
"You really like it?" I continued staring at the picture, still holding onto
Kageyama's arm.
"Yeah..." That day had been really hard for me. It was the second day of school
and after everyone left practice I snuck in. Me and Kageyama had already said
goodbye and I thought he had gone home. Apparently not. I remember that day
clearly. I was practicing really hard and kept on moving my hips the wrong way,
causing horrible pain each time. I did horribly because whenever I tried to do
any of the moves correctly I would be in immense pain. At one point while
running up to pretend to do a spike I went to jump up when pain flared through
my legs and I dropped to the ground. I cried as I had laid on the floor like a
ragdoll and I felt so hopeless and useless. I almost went home and cut but I
ended up getting distracted by Natsu winning that she wanted to play.
"Well, how about we go back to work on that thing we were talking about. Okay?"
I nodded and watched as he closed the closet, hiding the pictures away again.
Yesterday we took the new pictures of my still healing wounds, the hickies have
yet to disappear too, and put them on a new flash drive. We both swore not to
tell anyone about it, because neither of us knew how Oikawa found out so fast.
I went to his desk where a laptop sat and took the spot in the chair for the
first time. Today I was going to be describing the first time Oikawa hurt me
and as many other times I could remember. The whole time I typed my hands shook
and I had to stop every now and then to get up and calm down. Kageyama was
there the whole time reassuring me and giving me little kisses of
encouragement.
Whenever I kept pushing myself despite the fact that I was scared out of my
witts, Kageyama would pull the chair from the table and kneel in front of me
with my hands in his and would just talk to me until I relaxed and stopped
twitching as much.
I was there for four hours writing and since it was Friday night again I called
my mom to ask if I could stay over again, in fear that I would be attacked like
last week again. She said that it was fine but I heard the concern in her
voice. Lately I had been spending more time with Kageyama than with them
because I didn't feel safe in my own house. I had been eating less still and
sleeping less due to nightmares and paranoia and it was really concerning my
mom but I would ignore her whenever she asked.
After dinner me and Kageyama cuddled together on his couch for a movie. I chose
the movie  The Cat Returns  because apparently Kageyama had never heard of
studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki. Last year at Christmas I got the whole set of
studio Gibli movies and I planned on watching all of them with Kageyama this
weekend. Even if it meant we would sit on the couch for hours. I liked sitting
all cuddled up against Kageyama, it felt nice.
Next we watched  Grave of the Fireflies  and we both ended up in tears, even
though Kageyama tried to hide it at first. He went to make us some popcorn and
I chose the next movie. As I was putting in  My Neighbor Totoro  there was a
knock on the door. I looked up but didn't move. I didn't want to.
"I'll get it," I watched Kageyama move from the kitchen to the hall and I tried
to listen as he opened the door. Some talking and then he was back with a box
in his hands and a frown on his face. I stood up as he moved towards me.
"What is it?" He sat down on the couch and I sat next to him. We both stared at
the box. It had no return address and was for Kageyama. "Should you open it?"
"Might as well," he got a box cutter and cut the tape that sealed the sides
before opening it. We looked through the foam packing peanuts and found a CD.
It had writing on it that said "just in case" written in black sharpie.  We
gave each other a look and Kageyama went to get the laptop. We put the CD in
and a screen popped up with a play button. We put it on full screen and hit
play. It was black for a second before we heard someone speak.
"Now remember, make it look real. Or it's your sister that gets it next,"  my
eyes widened and I put a hand on my mouth. I tried to stop the video but the
button didn't work. The screen changed and it was a shot of a room. Oikawa sat
on a couch and I stood off to the side in a very exposing maid costume.
Kageyama was sitting there with wide eyes and he shook with anger. I tried to
stop the video.
"Yes, Master,"  we watched as I walked up to Oikawa, swishing my hips and
pulling off my frilly gloves with my teeth. I hated this the most. I straddled
Oikawa's lap and slowly began to unbutton his shirt. In real time I was crying
in frustration as I continued to try and stop the video. It wouldn't eject the
disk.
"Oh, Master,"  hearing myself moan that way made me gag and I tried to keep my
gaze from the screen, but I couldn't help but remember it. I didn't need to
watch to know that I was in between his legs, sucking him off. I didn't need to
watch as I prepared myself while moaning and rubbing against him, acting like a
whore. Hearing me call out "Master" in a sultry voice as I came down on him
made me want to scream and I picked the computer up before throwing it at the
wall and watching it break and the screen went black.
I huffed as I stood there before my knees gave out and I fell to the floor,
hugging myself as I shook. Kageyama's arms wrapped around me and I turned to
lean into him. He mumbled to me that it would be okay. That I wouldn't have to
watch it again. That we could use it in our case against Oikawa. I felt like
nothing more than a useless whore.
"I'm sorry," Kageyama's hand brushed through my hair and he spoke softly.
"What for? The video wasn't your fault," I grabbed onto his shirt as I pulled
him closer to me.
"I'm sorry for breaking your computer," I heard him chuckle and I looked up at
him to see his eyes staring at me.
"Don't worry about it. My parents will be happy that heap of junk is gone.
They've wanted me to get rid of it for a long time now. It's alright," I just
nodded dully and put my head on his shoulder. We sat there for a few more
minutes before moving back to the couch with the popcorn and some drinks and I
started  My Neighbor Totoro  with a small, sad smile.
"I think you'll like this one."
"I don't doubt it," I heard the smile in his voice and it helped me relax back
into him. Without realizing it we moved in a different position as the movie
continued. I was laying in between his legs with my head rested on his chest
and my arms around his middle while he held onto me and played with my hair,
all the while watching the movie. We didn't stop it as the credits rolled by
and I began to sing along to it quietly. Kageyama stopped playing with my hair
and just listened as I sang.
"I like listening to you sing," he kissed my forehead and I yawned, snuggling
back against him and ready to go to sleep. Kageyama began to move under me and
I whined. "Come on, we need to clean up before going to bed," I sighed but
helped him clean up.
I changed out of my pants into a pair of comfy shorts and took my shirt off but
kept Kageyama's sweater on. It was comfy and smelled like him. I brushed my
teeth and stared at my gaunty figure.
There were heavy bags under my eyes from lack of iron and my cheeks were less
full due to loss of fat. Lately Kageyama has been getting me to eat more but it
seemed to go right through me without letting my body absorb the nutrients. We
talked about getting vitamins for me but have yet to actually get any.
I no longer needed the patch on my cheek since the cut was mostly healed up but
the rest of the bandages stayed. I pulled up my sleeves and stared at the
binding around my wrists as I sighed.
At school I barely talked unless it was just me and Kageyama. I was too scared
to face anyone else. Club practice was no better. Everyone kept giving me looks
that made me want to run away. It felt like they knew and they were judging me
for what I've done. The only reason I didn't run is because Kageyama would be
there to keep me safe, and to throw me a toss when all I could see was
darkness. He was my light in the dark and shadows that I lived in. And I held
onto that light for dear life because I knew that at some point it would be
taken away of snuffed out.
I tried my hardest every day just to be worthy of standing by Kageyama's side.
Back in the bedroom I crawled into bed before Kageyama turned off the lights
and followed me. I held him around the chest and his chin pressed into my head
as I pressed my face into him. The only times that I could sleep soundly was
when Kageyama was there to hold me and when his smell was all I could sense.
I fell asleep quickly but awaited my dreams in fear.
I was standing alone in a small room. There were no windows and no doors. The
walls were painted gray as well as the floor. A mirror leaned against the far
wall and I walked towards it slowly. I saw my reflection growing in the mirror
as I came closer. I stopped a foot away from the mirror and stared at myself.
Standing in my underwear, all of my scars and wounds slowly formed on my body.
I watched my once healthy and vibrant figure slowly fade away as some of the
skin turned into ugly shades of blue and black.
I watched my body thin out and my ribs slowly became more visible. The bags
under my eyes turned black and my cheeks and eyes sunk in. My hair slowly lost
its vibrant color and turn gray from fear. I watched my once healed wounds
reopen and gush out blood. I watched the whites in my eyes turn yellow and the
color fade. I could do nothing but stand there and watch as my body slowly
deteriorated.
I tried to scream. Tried to run away. Tried to look away. My eyes were stuck on
the mirror. On what I will become if this continues. I watched as I began to
cough violently, my whole body shook, and blood was coughed up. I watched as I
coughed up blood. So much blood. It poured from my mouth and skin. The blood
just kept coming. I couldn't believe how much blood there was.
The blood was up to my ankles and I stared at myself who stared right back.
Even though they were bleeding in multiple faces. Even as blood dripped out of
their mouth. I stared into those dead eyes in fear.
Then they were walking forward.
I watched as they climbed out of the mirror and approach me. I couldn't scream
when I felt their fingers wrap around my throat. I couldn't fight back. He
leaned in close so all I could see were those dead eyes.
"If you continue on as you are, you will never be able to escape me."
I sat up in bed breathing hard. Cold sweat was running down my back and I
leaned into my hands. I have been having this nightmare the past few nights. I
heard Kageyama groan and he pushed himself on his elbows.
"Hinata? What's wrong?" I looked at him. He was half asleep and starting to
wake up. I shook my head and reached out to touch his face and he leaned into
my hand with his eyes closed.
"I'm okay. I'll be back in a minute," I got out of the bed and heard Kageyama
say okay. I walked to the bathroom and splashed water on my face before staring
at my reflection in the mirror. I compared it to that image in my mind and was
sad to see some of the things that I saw in it.
My eyes had a yellowish tint to them. My features were sunken in and my skin
was white as a sheet. I looked at my hair towards my scalp and felt my eyes
widen. Some of my new hair was a pale white and I stumbled back. Hair often can
turn white when under an immense stress for a long period of time. I felt like
crying.
The dream was slowly coming true and I didn't know how to stop it. I felt
myself getting riled up and felt my stomach do flips. My hands were twitching
horribly and I suddenly had the urge for pain. I wanted to make this feeling go
away. Whenever I was in pain I couldn't feel anything.
I ripped the bandages from my arms and scratched at the scabs until they were
all gone. I watched as blood pooled into each cut and overflowed. I sank to my
knees and didn't bother to stop the blood from dripping on my legs and the
floor. I could just stare at them with wide, scared eyes.
Without meaning to I brought myself closer to that image in my dream. I was
slowly falling apart.
There was a knock on the door and I heard Kageyama call in.
"Is everything okay, Hinata?" I tried to call out and tell him but all that
came out was a strangled cry and Kageyama was quick to open the door. He
dropped to his knees and looked at my arms. I heard him say something but it
didn't comprehend. All I could think about was what I was going to become.
Kageyama soaked up the blood with toilet paper and I watched as the blood
continued to leak out. They weren't clotting. I felt a new wave of fear pass
over me as it dawned on me that I could possibly bleed out if they didn't clot.
I wanted to cry but no tears came. I didn't want to die. Not now. Not when
everything was just starting to get better.
"Shh, it's okay. Everything is going to be okay," I heard the panic in his
voice and it only made me more stressed. What if he can't stop the bleeding?
What if I bleed out and Oikawa comes after Kageyama? I couldn't handle the
thought and my breathing quickened as more thoughts ran through my mind.
What if Kageyama gives up on me and I die here? What if the bleeding never
clots and I just keep bleeding? What if the pain became worse? What if I die?
What if Kageyama dies? What if Oikawa comes in and hurts Kageyama?
"Hinata, look at me. You're hyperventilating. Just breathe like me, okay?" I
met his eyes and tried to follow his breathing pattern. I tried to focus on him
and that alone. I didn't want to think about those things.
"There you go. Just like that," I continued to breath with him and I felt him
wrap something around my arms. His eyes darted away for a moment and I felt my
breath hitch. I couldn't focus on him and I felt my fear spike. His eyes
returned and I fell into a relaxing rhythm. I felt something tight on my arms
that made me itch. When I tried to itch it Kageyama took my hand.
"Shh, its okay now Hinata. I'm here," he touched my face and I felt my next
thought burst out.
"Shouyou," the expression on his face changed and I pressed forward. "Call me
Shouyou... Please," he smiled and rubbed his finger over my scar.
"Okay, Shouyou," I felt a happy shiver run through me and the relaxed and
content feeling slowly returned. "Would you like to call me Tobio? I would like
that," I felt my mouth lift slightly.
"Yeah," I blinked slowly before locking my eyes back on him. "Tobio," I felt a
yawn coming and pulled one of my hands away to cover my mouth. I saw Tobio
smile slightly and he squeezed my hand.
“Let’s go back to bed, okay?” I nodded and let myself be pulled back on my
feet.
“Okay.”
I sat on the counter and watched Tobio as he made us breakfast. Today we were
eating a western styled breakfast that included pancakes, bacon, and eggs. I’ve
always wanted to try a western breakfast and Tobio said that I would really
like this one. I kept on trying to steal little pieces of food when he wasn’t
looking but I never got anything. It was funny though to see Tobio get all
frustrated because he would get this pouty look on his face that made me smile.
“ Now  we can eat,” I smiled at him as he set down the plates. Two for each of
us. One plate held the stack of pancakes and the other held the eggs and bacon.
Tobio got out butter and something called maple syrup and when I asked he said
we put them on the pancakes. He helped me with it and even cut the pancakes for
me. I saw him watching me as I went to take my first bite.
Oh. My. Gosh.
“This is amazing,” I took another bite and closed my eyes. The butter melted on
my tongue and the maple syrup was sweet and nutty. The pancake was light and
fluffy and dissolved with my saliva. I never knew such an amazing food existed.
“You like it?” Tobio was eating his own stack of pancakes and I just nodded as
I shoved more in my mouth. If he makes this for me every day I might be able to
gain my weight back. But  dang . These pancakes are good.
Tobio laughed at me for fawning over the pancakes so much and in return I
flicked a piece of butter at him. We finished breakfast and did the dishes
together like we usually do before sitting down on the couch. Usually we would
be working on the  thing  but since the computer was broken we couldn’t do
anything. I still felt bad about it too. Tobio though was able to find the CD
in one piece and he put it in with the flash drive. I didn’t know where he hid
it but that’s okay.
“So, what are we going to watch now?” I smiled and flipped through my movie
collection.
“How about  Spirited Away ?” I saw him shrug and give me a small smile.
“Sure, why not,” I smirked and put the movie in, wondering what the movie would
make him think. We started the movie and thirty minutes in Tobio was already
criticizing the characters.
“But Chihiro is such a little brat! She doesn’t even know how to clean
properly!” I shook my head and pushed his chest.
“Come on Tobio, she isn’t  that  bad. Can’t you tell she is trying? Look at how
upset she is right now! This is a really difficult situation,” I gestured to
the TV where Chihiro and Haku were in the garden and she was eating rice balls
and crying her eyes out. It was right after she went to see her parents again
in the pig pen.
“Well I don’t think she deserves Haku’s help,” I shook my head again and
grunted. Tobio can be a real pain when it comes to movie characters. He didn’t
really like May in  My Neighbor Totoro  either.
“You just don’t understand yet,” and I was right. Not to long later Tobio was
picking on Haku about how he wasn’t being nice to Chihiro.
“Come on Haku, Chihiro deserves better. Stop being an idiot and come and help
her when she needs you. I can’t believe Chihiro has to  save you ,” I laughed
at him again. Sometimes Tobio amazed me. By the end of the movie he was smiling
and talking about how perfect they were for each other.
“But  you  said that Chihiro was a brat and that she deserves better than
Haku,” he shook his head and I cracked a smile.
“You just don’t understand,” I laughed and he joined me as I picked another
movie. We watched  Howl’s Moving Castle  and  Whisper of the Heart  before
getting up and making noodles for lunch. I sat on the couch upside down and
listened to him clink around in the kitchen. I tried not to think about
anything but the thoughts kept racing through my mind. Thoughts about Oikawa
and what he would do to me. Thoughts about Tobio and what would happen to him.
Thoughts about school and how much longer I could deal with it. Thoughts about
home and how long it would take for it to feel safe. Thoughts about my dream
and how long it would take to turn into that. Thoughts about dying. Thoughts
about pain. Thoughts of fear. Thoughts of helplessness.
“Shouyou, noodles,” I got up from the couch and felt my vision go black for a
second and my head get heavy. This has been happening a lot whenever I get up.
Apparently it has something to do with blood pressure changes. I walked back to
the table and sat down next to Tobio and stared at my bowl of noodles with its
fried egg, ham, and leeks.
“Thank you for the meal,” I picked up the chopsticks and pulled out a bunch of
noodles. I blew on them as the broth slipped from them and then brought them to
my mouth. They were hot and helped keep me warm. It stopped my constant
shivering for those few moments and I was able to just sit and relax.
After lunch Tobio drew a bath and asked if I wanted to take one too. I said yes
and he asked if I wanted to join him or take one alone, I chose to join him. I
didn’t really like being alone because it left me at the mercy of my thoughts.
I let Tobio clean me again because I liked the feeling of his hands against me.
He still told me everything he was going to do and I would just hum in response
and try to focus on his hands as they scrubbed and rubbed across my body.
We sat in the bath and leaned against each other in silence. Our hands held
onto each other under the water and I closed my eyes so I could focus on just
that contact. The only downside was that whenever my focus wavered all I could
see was that image in my dream and all I would feel was the need to run away as
far and fast as I could. Even if I felt like I was going to break if I ran any
further I still wanted to run.
“It looks like the bruising is getting better,” I nodded as Tobio checked all
my wounds and cleaned and bandaged them. The bruises were mostly a yellowish
green color with the skin raised slightly. The cuts all had scabs now, except
for my arms, and the welts on my back had closed and no longer spat out puss
like it did for the first few days. I held my arms up as Tobio wrapped thick
bandages around my chest and back to cover the welts and cuts. He only put a
patch on my neck to cover the still healing bite mark and the marks all over my
neck were finally fading so they were significantly lighter than before.
“Does anything hurt?” I shrugged my shoulders and stared at his hands in mine.
“Not really. Just a little sore,” He nodded and looked through the med kit with
one hand. I clutched his in mine and watched the small twitches in my hand.
“Alright, here is some pain medicine. You’ll take it again in a few hours. Are
you going to stay tonight as well?” I nodded and put on another sweater of his.
It wasn’t a turtle neck but the sleeves were still long like I liked them. I
called my mom while Tobio held me from behind and I leaned into him as I spoke
to her. Lately it had been getting harder to talk to anyone but Tobio and it
was even more difficult to answer questions in class.
“She said it was fine, but she wants to meet you some time,” I felt him nod on
my head.
“I’m cool with that. Should we hang out at your house after school Monday?” I
thought about it as I pulled at the sweater sleeves.
“Okay,” he turned me around and pressed his face close to mine.
“Good,” I felt Tobio smile against my lips and I wrapped my arms around his
neck as the kiss deepened.
Maybe my dream is farther from reality than I thought.
 
***** Kageyama *****
Me and Shouyou met up before school and walked together. He wore a scarf and
when we would get to school I would help cover up the marks that still lingered
on his neck. His skin was looking better today than it had been in the past few
days and I think it has to do with all of the food I had him eat this weekend.
I had been bringing a lunch for him every day as well and he said he liked to
eat that better than his mother’s bento.
Today I was going to go over to Shouyou’s house for the first time. And I would
meet his mother and younger sister. I didn't know if we would tell her about
our relationship or if Shouyou already told her or if she found out. I didn't
ask him about it because I knew he was nervous. I would keep quiet unless he or
his mother said anything.
Shouyou still clung to my arm as we walked but I didn't mind. It was a
comforting feeling knowing he was there and safe from harm. I noticed that the
more I left him alone the more prone he became to mental breakdowns and often
it lead to him hurting himself. So I made a promise to myself to be around him
for as long as possible.
"Tobio?"
"Hm?" I looked over at him and our eyes met. His eyes looked brighter today.
"What is it?" We held eye contact a little longer before he shook his head and
looked away.
"Never mind," I shrugged and we continued walking in comfortable silence. When
the school came into our field of vision Shouyou dropped hold of my arm and
hugged himself.
I changed his bandages in the club room since we were the first ones there,
like always now, and changed into our practice clothes. We passed Sugawara on
the way down and he just smiled and winked at us. Shouyou didn't look up and
still stuck close to me.
Practice was quick and uneventful and so was the first half of the school day.
During lunch I changed Shouyou's bandages again before we went to our spot to
eat. The cherry tree we sat under was filled with colored leaves from the fall
drawing nearer and as we ate some of the leaves fell and I saw Shouyou look at
them sadly.
"It's like they are being torn away from who they love and then get stomped on
and destroyed by those who don't care," I put an arm around him and hugged him
to me as I peppered his forehead with kisses and comforting words.
During the second half of class Shouyou got yelled at for spacing out and it
took all of my control to keep from yelling at the teacher. After changing for
practice we waited in the gym for the team to arrive. They all came in a group
and Sugawara asked Shouyou to go and fetch the balls from the supply closet. He
nodded and did so. Then Sugawara turned to me.
"Has Hinata gotten any better yet? He looks horrible," I shrugged my shoulders,
not knowing what to say.
"He's improving I guess," Sugawara nodded and I watched Shouyou roll the bin of
balls out from the closet before he started walking back towards me, with a
ball in hand.
We heard banging on the door and the whole team froze. Sugawara went to answer
it when the door slid open and I felt all of my muscles tense and my jaw
tighten.
"Hello Tobio-chan, Shou-chan. How are you? Did you like the present I sent
you?" I tried to keep myself from lunging at him and instead looked at Shouyou.
He was standing closer to Oikawa and frozen in his spot. I watched the ball
fall from his hands and bounce on the floor before rolling away.
"What are you doing here? You promised to leave us alone," Oikawa shook his
head and took a few steps in.
"You're right. And I kept up my end of the deal. But you didn't. That present
was a warning, but it doesn't seem to have worked, did it?" His voice was laced
with venom and I saw the smirk on his face. Shouyou's fingers twitched and he
took half a step back in my direction. Oikawa's head snapped over to look at
him and a happy smile crossed his face.
"So that means I get to play with Shou-chan! Come on over Shou-chan," he held
his arms out and I watched as Shouyou shook and just stared at him. I took five
steps closer.
"Leave Shouyou alone," I saw something cross Oikawa's face before he looked at
me with a smirk.
"Oh, so he's Shouyou now hm? Took you long enough to figure out how it worked,"
I felt my owns hands twitching but not for the same reason.
"Shouyou, come on back to me. It's okay," he started to turn his head my way
when Oikawa reached out and grabbed Shouyou's arm.
"No. Tobio-chan has been a very mean boy to Shou-chan and I won't let that
happen any more. Come on Shou-chan," he started to pull Shouyou away but I
watched him slip his hand out of Oikawa's grip.
"I'm sorry! But no," Oikawa's eyebrow twitched as Shouyou backed up a few steps
before lowering his face to look at the ground.
"No?" I watched as he laughed and when I was just about to approach Shouyou I
saw him lunge and I felt my heart stop in those few seconds. Oikawa held
Shouyou up around the waist with one hand and used the other to hold the back
of his head as he shoved his slimy tongue in Shouyou's mouth. I swear I saw
red.
"GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF HIM!" I lunged at him with full intent of ending him
right there and the next thing I knew I was being held back by someone and
Oikawa was being forced out of the door. Shouyou stood there with his back to
me. I struggled in the grip.
"Get off of me!" I pried my arms away from whoever held me back and I jogged
forward to Shouyou as he collapsed into my arms. I brushed my hand through his
hair as he clung to me and shook.
"It's okay, Shouyou. I've got you now," I glanced away from him and the rest of
the team stood in front of me in an arc with concerned faces. Shouyou grew
heavier and I lowered myself onto the floor with him curled up in my lap and
refusing to let go or look up. I mouthed to Sugawara that they should sit down
and he did, pulling two people with him and then the whole team.
"I was so scared he would take me away from you," Shouyou whispered into my
chest and I continued to brush my hand through his hair. We all sat in silence
and the team looked agitated. It seemed like the time to tell was now.
"Shouyou, could you look at me?" He raised his head just so I could see his
eyes and I continued talking in a whisper. "You should tell the team what is
going on. They are all worried about you," I saw his doubt and worry so I said
"I could tell them if you want me too," and after a minute of processing he
said yes in a small voice before pressing his face back in my shirt. I looked
up at our worried team mates.
"Shouyou and I have something to tell you."
"What, that you're dating?" Tsukishima tried to make a joke but I glared at him
hard as he laughed.
"Yes, but that is not the point," he quickly sobered up at the serious attitude
and I took a deep breath.
"For the past two years," me and Shouyou tightened our hold on each other.
"Shouyou has been physically, mentally, and sexually abused by Oikawa Toru,"
the words felt disgusting on my tongue but I let it sink in and watched their
shocked faces slowly turn to anger.
"That bastard!"
"We should teach him a lesson!"
"How dare he hurt Hinata!"
"Enough!" Sugawara stood and looked at the team with a hard gaze. "Let Kageyama
finish before you go and act like idiots. Understand?" A few looked like they
were going to get up and hunt down Oikawa but I saw some of their faces fall
into fear and I knew Sugawara was making that face that said you were in big
trouble. A few nodded and he sat down. "Continue."
"I only found out recently that it was Oikawa and I made a deal with him so
that he would leave Shouyou alone."
"What was the deal?" Noya spoke up and I felt a tremor run through Shouyou's
body.
"I had gathered information to use against Oikawa so that I could turn it into
the police. Somehow he found out and he convinced me to destroy the evidence,"
I swallowed my anger but someone still noticed it.
"How did he convince you? You sound upset," I closed my eyes to take a deep
breath before speaking again.
"Tobio is mad because he called while he was hurting me and Tobio had to
listen," we all stared at Shouyou and he turned in my lap slowly so that he
could see everyone but still hold onto me. He pulled my hands around him and
held them there with his own. I felt him twitching against me.
"Hinata... why didn't you tell us? How come only Kageyama knows?" I waited for
silence to spread before speaking up.
"I'm the only one who knows because I found out about it myself. Shouyou just
confirmed my suspicions," most of the team had calmed down a bit and just wore
sad expressions. Noya and Tanaka though still looked like they could go out
right now and kill Oikawa without hesitation. Sugawara spoke again.
"So what are you going to do? What did Oikawa mean that you broke the promise?"
I waited to see if Shouyou would respond before going myself.
"We redocument the evidence against him but were much more careful this time.
Over the last weekend Oikawa sent us a "present" to scare us off but we used it
against him instead. We are planning on turning in the evidence once we finish
with it."
"What was the "present"?" They all nodded with Daichi's question. Shouyou spoke
up in a soft voice.
"It was a horrible video that he used to threaten me with. I thought I
destroyed it but... it looks like there were more than one copy," I squeezed
his hand and he leaned back into me as he squeezed back.
"Well is there anything we could do?" I thought about it for a moment when the
perfect idea came to mind.
"At the hearing for Oikawa's crime, all of you can testify for Shouyou," there
were murmurs of agreement and I felt Shouyou move in my arms. I wanted to hug
him tighter and reassure him but those angry and upset eyes watched our every
move. It felt horrible for them to stare at us like that but I knew this would
happen at some point. I felt Shouyou's hair tickle my chin.
"Can we go home now Tobio?" They all watched us closely but I didn't care.
"Of course Shouyou," we stood up and he didn't seem to care about the team
watching us as he wrapped his arms around mine and we walked side by side. I no
longer needed to stand guard at the club door as we changed and Noya and Tanaka
were the first ones to come in after us and they both stared for a moment at
all of Shouyou's bandages. When they saw me looking at them they turned away
and barely even glanced at Shouyou after that.
"Ready to go?" He nodded and grabbed my arm with his gloved hands. I looked
back at the two in the club room. "Good practice today," they returned my
statement hesitantly and me and Shouyou walked down the stairs quietly.
It was a long walk to his house because I didn't allow him to use his bike
until he was fully healthy again. We talked little on the walk and Shouyou kept
on glancing around every now and then and squeezing my arm as he did so. I
looked around to. Both of us were still on edge from Oikawa's visit and I
didn't want to walk home alone tonight. I think Shouyou's mother wouldn't mind
if I stayed.
"Pardon the intrusion," I followed Shouyou into the house and felt myself begin
to worry about accidentally slipping up. Should I call him Shouyou or Hinata?
Should I act like I always do or act like I do with Shouyou? Fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck.
"Nii-san!" A little girl ran into the genkan and jumped at Shouyou while he was
still in the process of taking of his shoes. I watched him slowly peel her off
of him and go back to his shoes.
"Hello Natsu," his voice was still soft like it had been and I saw sadness
reflect in Natsu's eyes. She was worried about her older brother. Then she
looked at me and I saw realization cross her face. She pointed at me with a
familiar cheeky grin.
"Kageyama Tobio!" I quirked my eyebrows, impressed that she knew who I was and
flattered to find that Shouyou talked about me at home.
"Shouyou, is your friend there with you?" A familiar women's voice rang out and
I saw Shouyou's shoulders sag like weight was put on them.
"Yes," he didn't quite shout it like she did but it was a lot louder than he
had been talking lately. I took off my coat and hung it up by Shouyou's and saw
that he was keeping his scarf and the sweater that he stole from my closet on.
I didn't mind. I thought it was quite cute to see him in my bigger sized
clothes.
"Well come on in. I'm working on dinner right now, so you can wait at the table
and watch TV," I waited for Shouyou to make a move before following him. He
gestured for me to join him.
"This way, Tobio," okay so first name it is. I followed him with his little
sister following us at his heels. She had the same bright orange hair but it
was pulled into two little pigtails. I followed Shouyou to a room with a low
table and a TV in the corner. I sat down next to Shouyou before his sister had
a chance and she made a face at me. I smirked at her meek effort to scare me
and I felt Shouyou's fingers brush against mine. We looped our pinkies together
and I saw Shouyou glance my way with a sparkle in his eyes.
"So you're name is Kageyama, right?" Shouyou's mother walked in in an apron and
sat down at the table across from me. Her hair was short and brown and she had
the same eyes as Shouyou.
"Yes, I'm Kageyama Tobio. It's very nice to meet you," I inclined my head
towards her and she smiled.
"The pleasure is all mine. So I hear you are also on the volleyball team with
Shouyou. What position do you play?"
"I play setter," I felt Shouyou's fingers wrap around mine and I let his hand
move into mine.
"Tobio is the one who throws the tosses that I spike. I love Tobio's tosses,"
his voice grew quieter as he spoke and I squeezed his hand reassuringly. I saw
his mother's eyes widen and she stared at me with kind eyes. She nodded and
hummed but her eyes were still on me.
"Shouyou could you go and check on the laundry for me?" I saw his eyes fall but
he nodded and stood up. My hand felt cold without his. We watched him leave the
room before her eyes found mine with curiosity.
"So he calls you Tobio. May I call you that as well?" I nodded.
"Sure." She smiled and it reminded me of Shouyou.
"He seems to want to spend all of his time with you, Tobio. I know he has been
having a hard time lately and he never talks to me about it, or about the
wounds. Is he doing okay? I worry about him," I took a deep breath and thought
about how much I should say.
"Shouyou told me that he doesn't really want to talk to other people about it,
but he is doing better. I would tell you more but it's not my place to say,"
she sighed and nodded.
"I understand," a smile soon crossed her face. "But I'm glad that he is doing
better. Although I have to ask," she glanced around as her grin grew. "Are you
two  dating ?" I couldn't help but smile myself. I thought she would find out.
"Yes. Although Shouyou said he isn't ready to tell you. Our secret?" She winked
at me.
"Our secret."
"I put the wash in the dryer, mom," Shouyou walked back into the room and sat
down next to me again, our hands found each other under the table. His mother
smiled and stood up.
"Thank you! I'll continue with dinner! We're having pork buns and rice
tonight," I knew how much Shouyou loved that comfort food and I saw a small
smile on his face. If his sister weren't here I would have leaned over and
kissed it, but I was fine with watching it too.
His sister seemed to share his love for studio Ghibli and she insisted that we
watch  My Neighbor Totoro  and when Shouyou asked I said I didn't mind. I knew
how much he liked the movie too. All three of us sang as Totoro's theme song
began to play and I felt the need to cuddle with Shouyou. I saw him give me a
pleading look for probably the same reason but neither of us moved. I knew that
he wasn't ready and I wouldn't move until he did so first. I had to know that
he was ready and committed to let his family know that we were dating.
Soon after the movie started, their mother came in and served us.
Throughout dinner their mother asked me questions about school and volleyball
and she sometimes would try to pull Shouyou into the conversation but he would
just shrug or mumble something incoherently. We sat together watching the movie
while she cleaned up the dishes and Natsu kept on giving me weird looks.
Although whenever I looked at her she would look away. I'm not sure if she
likes me very much.
"So Tobio, do you plan to stay the night?" Shouyou looked at me weirdly when
she said my name and I just smiled at him and squeezed his hand.
"I would like that very much, if you do not mind," I saw Shouyou play with the
tassels at the end of his scarf and his knee pressed against mine.
"Of course. We would love to have you stay. Shouyou could you show Tobio where
the bathroom is so he can wash up and then could you get out the futon?" He
nodded and our hands fell from each others as we stood up. I followed him and
noticed the wink his mother sent me as we exited the room. I wonder what that
meant.
I washed up in the bathroom and changed into an extra set of clothes in my bag.
When I got to Shouyou's room the futon was put out and he was standing there in
a pair of sweatpants, my sweater and the scarf. Our eyes met and he gestured to
the bed and futon before he climbed into the bed. Before I could move his
mother's head popped in through the door and she turned off the light.
"Good night boys," now surrounded by darkness I warily made my way over to the
bed and hopped in with Shouyou. He instantly made room as I settled in before
cuddling back up against me and squeezing me tight. I knew he didn't feel safe
at his own home, so I was glad to be here for him.
I slept dreamlessly and only woke up now and then to random sounds or Shouyou
talking in his sleep. At one point he started talking about becoming a
volleyball with me and it made me smile. His words were:
"Tobio... Let's become a volleyball together," and I wanted to laugh but that
would wake him up and he was sleeping so well. We stayed cuddled up the whole
night and early in the morning. Before we usually woke up, Shouyou's mother
peeked in and saw us sleeping together and I saw her smile sadly. Our eyes met
and she nodded to me and I nodded back. Both of us wanted to protect Shouyou
and that is all that matters.
"But now I can't eat a lunch made by you, Tobio," I laughed as we walked to
school together. Shouyou was all torn up about not being able to eat a lunch
made by me because he had been having them every day, and they have been
helping him heal. There was some color back in his pale skin and with a few
good nights sleep the bags under his eyes lessened so they didn't look as bad.
"I think you can live with having a different lunch for one day," Shouyou
pouted and I couldn't help but smile. Around me he seems to be doing really
good but around everyone else it's like we're back at that first stage when I
found him lying under the bridge.
We weren't as early today because we no longer needed to hide it, so when I was
getting things out to change his bandages I didn't care that Sugawara, Noya,
Asahi, and Tanaka came in. I tried not to get angry as some of them gaped and
stared as I removed the bandage from Shouyou's chest. I tried to stay calm as
they gasped at the angry red word carved into my beloved's chest.  "Slut."  It
stared at me almost tauntingly and I covered it up in antibacterial healing
ointment.
"Oh god," hearing Sugawara's whisper made me twitch. I knew he meant well but
this was just getting ridiculous. I could feel Shouyou shaking and could almost
hear the pleading from him to make it stop. I turned my head and glared at them
like I had been the past week.
"It is very impolite to stare," some of them flushed in embarrassment and said
sorry but they all looked away. I still felt the muscles under my hands quiver
as I finished my work and could see them watching as each wound was revealed.
We no longer needed to bandage his neck up because the marks had disappeared
and the bite mark was nothing more but scar tissue that would forever mark
Shouyou.
"Could you please stop pitying me?" I stopped a moment before continuing to re-
wrap his arms. The others gave him looks and even asked what he meant and I
felt him tightening his muscles and trying to look strong.
"The way you look at me is pitiful and it makes me feel angry. I hate it," I
glanced at their sad faces. Noya was the first to say anything.
"I'm sorry Hinata, it's just... We're worried about you. And it's still kind of
surprising that you two are dating. I mean, how did that even happen?" I wanted
to say something but then something embarrassing came out of Shouyou's mouth.
"Tobio's sort of been stalking me since he first saw me a year ago," I felt my
face heat up and I stopped to glare at him.
"I did not! Just because I found you interesting doesn't mean I was  stalking
you," Shouyou gave me a look that said I was an idiot and I tried to harden my
glare.
"Tobio dear, your closet is filled with pictures of-"
"They don't need to know that!" I clamped my hands over his mouth and I could
see the smile in his eyes. I heard laughter from behind me and soon I was
yelling at them to shut up because they all, meaning Noya and Tanaka, started
taunting me and calling me a "stalker". I even saw Shouyou smile a little as he
finished changing.
Some of the others came in and the two of us left as we heard them talking
about me being a stalker and I just rolled my eyes. This is going to stick with
me forever isn't it. Shouyou shyly brushed his hand against mine and I took
hold of his, feeling happy that he could move forward and a little out of his
shell.
During practice Tsukishima kept making fun of me. Saying Shouyou was my queen.
Saying that I was some closet pervert with pictures and replicas of Shouyou all
over my room. And even making kissy faces whenever Shouyou wasn't looking. I
really wanted to punch the guy and kick him where the sun doesn't shine but I
was preoccupied with Shouyou. We were working on his receive again today and
Noya was giving him tips and instructions while I served to him. I could see
that he was nervous and that he kept glancing at me while biting his lip but I
didn't move any closer. He needs to learn how to function without me constantly
by his side.
No matter how much I would love to stick by him and guide him forever, I knew
that that isn't what he needs. It might be the first step but then they need to
come to terms that there are more than one person you can trust and they don't
need to be babied forever. Even though in my heart I wanted to lock him away so
that no one could ever hurt him again and so that it could be just the two of
us and I would take care of him.
There was banging on the door and I felt the tension rise. Noya stepped in-
between Shouyou and the door and I walked over to him as well. Sugawara went to
the door and we all watched him slide it open, step out, and then step back in
with a box. He looked over at us with a frown.
"It says it's for Hinata," I rested my hand on Shouyou's shoulder and I felt
him take a breath.
"Bring it here," his gentle voice bounced around the silent room and Sugawara
walked over and handed it to him. It was a simple box with a lid that was held
down by a thick rubber band. Scrawled out on the top was Shouyou's name
followed by a bunch of hearts.
"It's probably from Oikawa," the team slowly gathered around us and I watched
Shouyou remove the rubber band. He glanced at me once before opening the box...
And then dropping it on the floor and stepping away.
"No, no, no," we all peered into the box and I saw what looked like a maid
costume and then I looked back at Shouyou and saw he was in full blown panic
mode. I tried to figure out why but as my eyes met his everything clicked and
we both said a simple, horrifying, word.
"Natsu," I ran with Shouyou at my heels out of the gym and up to the club room.
I pulled my phone out and gave it to Shouyou who quickly dialed a number. I
gathered our stuff and waited for the call to connect through.
"Mom? It's Shouyou... Yes I'm fine. Is Natsu with you?" I held my breath and
when I saw him sigh I felt my heartbeat begin to even out. "No nothing's
wrong...I love you too. Be safe, bye," he hung up the phone and leaned into me.
"I was so scared that he got Natsu," I dropped all of our things and held him.
"I was scared too. At least we know she is okay, but your mother is going to be
really worried. I think you should tell-"
"Can we just hold each other for a moment?" Shouyou pleaded and I sighed into
his hair before pressing my face into it.
"Yeah," and we held each other for what felt like seconds but was actually
minutes. Daichi and Sugawara came up and made sure everything was okay. They
didn't ask why we both freaked out or why there was a maid costume. Turns out
after we left Tanaka and Noya decided to burn it and when they did they ended
up getting in trouble with the student director and were given detention.
We returned to practice without them and Sugawara took up the job of giving
Shouyou tips on receiving. This time everyone was on edge and whenever there
was a loud noise people would tense up or guard Shouyou. I knew that he was
probably anxious about this as well but just seeing him being protected helped
me relax which in turn helped Shouyou relax.
"Are you sure you guys don't want us to walk home with you?" The others were
worried something would happen on the walk home from practice but Shouyou shook
his head.
"Tobio will keep me safe," he pulled the scarf up so it covered his mouth and I
saw scarlet cover his cheeks. I found his hand and squeezed it. The team still
looked concerned but they agreed to it and the two of us walked home. A little
before we arrived at the cross-roads, Shouyou stopped walking, pulling me to a
stop too.
"What's wrong?" I peered into his face that tilted downwards.
"You said I should tell my mom, right?" Oh. That.
"Yes. Why does it bother you? Do you not want to?" He shook his head and
hesitantly met my eyes.
"No. I do... it's just that I'd rather... you should tell her. Not me," I
tilted his face up towards me and held it gently, brushing my thumb over his
cheek. I smiled at him sadly.
"If that's what you want, I'll do it," I leaned in and kissed him. Our hands
let go of each other and I wrapped my arms around his waist as his encircled my
neck. I hugged him tightly as we kissed and he hugged back. We kissed for a
good minute before pulling apart and staring into each other's eyes. Shouyou's
were a warm hazelnut color.
Today I was going to visit Shouyou's house and quite possibly stay over again
because I knew that he would want me to stay and it would help him relax from
how his mother will react. Shouyou swung our hands in between us childishly but
it made me smile and I felt warm inside. He walked with a small skip in his
step and it made me relax. He walked like that when he felt happy or safe and
both of those were nice.
We walked and walked and walked and sooner than later we got back to his house
and entered the house like we did yesterday but as we took off our shoes and
jakets I heard someone coming closer.
"Shouyou? Is that you?"
"And Tobio," she appeared with a worried expression and Natsu hanging from her
leg with a frown. She glanced at me and tilted her head in question.
"We have something we need to tell you," her eyebrows popped up. "And it isn't
appropriate for  all  ears," I flicked my eyes over to Natsu and she nodded and
looked down at the little red head.
"Natsu honey, how about you go play with your toys okay? Mommy has to have some
adult talk, okay?" Natsu smiled and nodded happily.
"Okay!" She skipped down the hall and her mother watched her go before turning
back to us.
"Let's go sit at the table. I'll make us some tea," this time I lead Shouyou to
the table and as we sat down our hands locked together and I wouldn't let him
go. She soon returned with a plate of tea and set it down in front of us both
before sitting down as well.
"What is going on? Why did you ask about Natsu?" Shouyou squeezed my hand and
our eyes met for a moment before he looked back at his mother. I took a deep
breath and looked up to meet her worried gaze.
"Before we go to Natsu, we need to talk about Shouyou. It has to do with why
Shouyou has been so different lately," she leaned forward and shifted in her
spot while wringing her hands and motioning for me to continue. "For these past
two years, someone has been hurting Shouyou," I saw her eyes widen. "They have
been physically and," Shouyou looked away, "sexually abusing him," I saw her
face go blank and Shouyou squeezed my hand tighter. Then she looked down and I
saw her shoulders shake.
"I thought that this might have happened," she looked back up and wiped tears
from her eyes. "Go on. I want to know what happened," I nodded and pressed my
knee against Shouyou's before continuing.
"One way that they hurt him was by forcing him to do things that hurt him, he
did this by threatening to hurt Natsu," she gasped and put a hand over her
mouth. "The reason that we asked about Natsu was because he sent us a warning
that was related to the threat."
"Why did he send you a warning? What happened?" I pressed down my growing
anger.
"Recently we collected things to use against him and turn him over to the
police but the first time that happened he hurt Shouyou and promised to stop if
we destroyed the evidence. I did and then we began to re-document everything.
And he first sent us a video threat but we marked it as evidence too. Then just
yesterday he showed up during club practice and tried to take Shouyou away but
I... I lost control and attacked him. We told the team about everything and
they decided to help us with our case. And today at practice he left us a box
with a costume as the second warning," she put her hand down and collected
herself. I waited for her to ask a question and felt Shouyou tremble.
"Who is he?" Her voice quivered but she tried to look strong.
"His name is Oikawa Toru. He is a setter and the captain of Aoba Johsai's
volleyball team," she nodded tersly.
"How... did this start?" I glanced at Shouyou, he hadn't moved at all.
"Him and Shouyou started dating but on the second date he went to far and...
raped Shouyou," I hated using that word and it felt disgusting coming from my
tongue. She looked hurt but still pressed on.
"Why didn't you say anything Shouyou?"
"He was  threatened," she looked at Shouyou's downcasted head with worry.
"... How... did you find out, Tobio?" She still watched Shouyou but her face
was pointed in my direction.
"I pieced it together myself."
"Oh..." She looked down at her lap and laughed half-heartedly. "I feel so
stupid now. When did you realize this?" I felt my own voice waver.
"The first day of school," she laughed again and threw her head back, I saw the
tears falling down her face.
"Ah, I'm such an idiot! You saw it the first day you met him and I didn't
notice a thing. I don't deserve to protect Shouyou. Tobio, you're better off
keeping him with you. I'm a horrible mother," I felt my heart twist in pain.
"No you aren't, you care about him just as much as I do. Don't talk like that,"
she shook her head but still didn't look at us.
"No, I'm not. I shouldn't be a-"
"Stop that," Shouyou's head stayed down but his voice was strong despite how
soft it was. "I was the one who didn't want anyone to know, so it's my fault
you didn't realize anything. Stop acting so pitiful, it makes me angry," she
stared at him with a shocked face. I felt some shock as well. This is the most
he has spoken to anyone else by his own choice in a long time. She wiped away
her tears but they still came.
"Alright... I'm just so sorry Shouyou. I should have noticed. How many times
did he hurt you? How many times did I leave you to his mercy?" Shouyou shrugged
but didn't look up.
"It's not your fault. He's the one who came and hurt me whenever I was alone.
Even when I was around you," I remembered everything he told me just then.
About when he was sick and Oikawa would visit when no one else was in the room.
When he was at the mall with his family and would be pulled away and hurt in
the bathroom. I wanted to hold him to me because my heart hurt so much.
"Did he ever hurt you at home?" I could see the desperation on her face and I
held my breath, feeling like if I answered all of my anger would pour out as
well. Shouyou breathed out the response and his mother cried, she let it turn
into sobs and I watched Shouyou hesitantly reach his hand out across the table
and brush her hand. She took his into both of her's and I saw her squeeze it
tightly before bringing it to her face and pressing it to her cheek. I sat
there silently as she cried and watched Shouyou.
He was silent and barely shook but his head was still downcast. I rubbed my
thumb against his han, asking if he was okay, and felt his finger tap against
my knuckle. He said he was and I believed him. He was sitting up straight and
projecting confidence in everything but his downturned head.
It took a while for her to calm down and when she did she reached out for my
hand as well and we all sat in silence for a while, just holding each other's
hands.
"When are you planning on turning him in?" I glanced at Shouyou to see him
staring at me, waiting for the answer as well. I closed my eyes and took a
breath.
"This Saturday. We have almost everything ready and I also want to be cautious
about Oikawa because of his past two presents and his visit," she nodded and
squeezed my hand.
"I can drive you to the station but I don't think I could give the police much
information so I'll wait in the car for you. Does that sound alright, Shouyou?
Tobio?"
"Yes."
"Hm," Shouyou nodded his head and pulled his hand away from mine to cover a
yawn. His mother smiled at us sadly before standing up, leaving our hands
empty.
"I'll make dinner. Why don't you two just relax, okay?" She walked away before
we could say anything. Neither of us followed her because it was clear she
needed some time to comprehend everything she just heard.
"Tobio?" I looked over at him and stared into his brown eyes. "I don't want to
go to school anymore," my eyes widened and I took his hand up in mine, shifting
my body to face him.
"What? Why, is it because of Oikawa visiting? Or is it because the team knows?"
He glanced away a moment before looking back at me. I saw his eyebrow twitch.
"I'm afraid he will take me when you're not looking. You shouldn't go either,
or Natsu. I don't want him to take anyone away from me," his voice cracked and
wavered as he spoke but his eyes stayed locked on mine and I could see his
determination and fear. He put his other hand over mine and squeezed. "I don't
want to lose anyone, or you. Not now not ever. I don't want to lose you Tobio,"
I saw the tears forming in his eyes and I moved so that I was right in front of
him and I removed a hand to wipe them away.
"Hey, it's okay. You're not going to lose me. I'll always be here for you,
okay? All I want is to protect you so you can be happy, always remember that,
okay?" He leaned into my hand and nodded as a small sob escaped him. He took my
other hand and held it to his face as well so I cupped it in both hands. I
pressed my forehead into his and closed my eyes. "Don't worry, Shouyou. We will
all protect you from Oikawa," I opened my eyes and saw Shouyou's brown eyes
staring back at me.
"Okay," he whispered and leaned forward closing his eyes. I closed mine too as
our lips met and tongues pushed and pulled against each other. I let my hands
slide from his face and find their way around his waist and I pulled him
against me. Shouyou's arms wrapped around my neck and he tilted his head to the
side, letting the kiss grow deeper. I felt one of his hands push past my shirt
color and press in between my shoulder blades. My own hands found my way under
Shouyou's shirt and ran up and down his back. I felt him shiver against me and
we pulled back to catch our breath before kissing again passionately.
I leaned into Shouyou and before I knew it he fell backwards with me landing on
top. I used my hands to break the fall and accidentally trapped Shouyou between
me and the floor. My knees brushed against the sides of his thighs and Shouyou
reached up to pull me down to him. I leaned on my elbows and let my knees slide
across the floor so that my hips pressed against Shouyou's and our chests met.
I didn't stop Shouyou when I felt his hands start to unbutton my uniform and
then run across my chest, sending shivers down my spine.
When Shouyou bit my lip I pulled back and stared at his flushed face. I brushed
a hand through his hair and he tried to pull me back down to kiss him but I
didn't let him and instead started to press kisses all over his face, mumbling
"I love you" in-between each kiss. Shouyou's hands brushed over my abdomen and
then went to my back and creeped upwards to stop on my shoulder blades. I
kissed his eyes and saw him smile. I kissed his nose and felt it twitch as our
eyes locked onto each other. I kissed his chin and smiled before resting our
foreheads together.
"I love you," his cheeks were still red and he kissed me softly.
"I love you too," I felt my own face heat up before I kissed him again and let
my tongue rub against the roof and sides of his mouth, hearing a purring like
sound coming from his chest and vibrating. I wanted to touch him too but I was
afraid of crushing him. I moved off of one elbow and let the hand move down to
his hips and then hesitantly slide under Shouyou's shirt. I felt him shiver but
he didn't object. I pulled back and looked into his eyes and when I only saw
content I leaned back into the kiss and let my hand trace circles into his
stomach and rub the bone of his hip. I felt him lean up against me and he
moaned into my mouth.
Shouyou gripped my shoulders and pulled me closer so that my weight pressed
down on him. I pulled away from the kiss and pecked at his cheeks before moving
along his jaw. I kissed the underside of his chin and kissed along the bottom
of his jaw. He hummed in delight and I let my tongue rub against his skin and I
felt his grip on me tighten and his hips pressed against mine. Then I was
licking and kissing his neck and when I was at the crook of his neck I kissed
the skin before sucking on his neck. I heard Shouyou gasp and one of his hands
moved to my head and fisted my hair. It didn't hurt.
I moved to a different part of his neck and tried there too, but only got
another gasp. I moved closer to his collar bone and sucked on the skin that was
sunken in behind the collarbone.
"Ah..." I pulled back with a smirk and saw his red face turning away. I kissed
the edge of his jaw by his ear, and then licked him behind the ear and earning
another small noise. I sucked on the skin between his ear and neck and his hips
moved up and pressed against mine and I rubbed mine against him. I moved to the
underside of his jaw and sucked at the sensitive skin. Shouyou let out another
small noise and moved both of his hand to my shoulders, still underneath my
shirt.
"Your so cute," I whispered into his ear and then kissed his cheek. Shouyou
huffed and looked at me with a soft glare.
"I am not!" It made me chuckle and I began to suck on the crook of his neck
again but harder and Shouyou moaned and gripped my hair as his hips bucked up
against mine. So his neck is very sensitive, I will definitely remember this. I
continued sucking on his neck and earning moans and small cries. I rubbed my
hips against his as he bucked into me and held me against him.
"To...bio..." He panted and I pulled away from his neck and kissed his nose
before leaning my head against his. We stared into each other's eyes and I
moved my hand under Shouyou's shirt and rubbed lightly on the skin right above
his pants. He closed his eyes and as he moaned I kissed him again. His hand
traveled back down my back and rested on my lower back as his other hand held
my head to him. We stayed like that and I could feel Shouyou's erection as I
rubbed mine against his.
"Wait," Shouyou grabbed my hand and I looked at him with concerned eyes. I let
him catch his breath. "Bedroom," I nodded and slowly stood up. Before Shouyou
could stand up I picked him up so that he was facing me and his legs wrapped
around my hips. I held him under his butt and he hugged me around the neck and
kissed me along the jawline softly. I made my way to his bedroom and propped up
a plank to keep the sliding door closed.
"Bed," Shouyou whispered in my ear and began to lick it and I felt shivers run
along my spine and heat return to my face. I tried to lay Shouyou on the bed
gently before I crawled on but his leg wrapped around mine and I fell onto the
bed. I heard him laugh and I flushed in embarrassment.
"Oh shut up," he smiled and  tried pulling my shirt off. I leaned back and let
it slide off of my shoulders as I smirked over him. Shouyou sat up and pulled
his own shirt off, staring at me with half-lidded eyes. I rested on my knees
and instead of lying back down Shouyou began to kiss and lick my chest, sending
delightful shivers down my spine. He kissed and moved downward slowly. His
tongue traveled around my navel and moved over the skin above my pant line and
I held back the reflex of bucking into him, because I did  not  want to
accidentally hit Shouyou.
"I love you," he kissed me above my belt buckle before lying back down with his
arms lying sprawled out by his head and he stared at me with big eyes. It took
a lot of my self control to keep from taking him here and now, I wanted to go
slow.
"I love you too," I leaned over him and kissed him before sliding my knee
between his legs and rubbing against his erection. Shouyou moaned into the kiss
and wrapped his hands around my neck, one in my hair and probably messing it up
but who cares. I let my fingers run along the inside of his waistband, asking
if I could continue.
"Yes..." His hands tracked across my chest and under my arms to rest on my
shoulder blades again. I used my other knee to spread his legs apart farther
and I unbuttoned his pants. Shouyou panted into my ear and flicked his tongue
against it making me shiver and smile. There was the sound of me unzipping his
pants and Shouyou shimmied out of them and tossed them on the floor. I kissed
his nose and leaned back to look at him.
I've already seen him naked before but each time I see it it's like I'm seeing
it for the first time. The small divots where muscles started and ended, the
one freckle on his hip bone that seemed so cute, the light and sparse orange
hairs that traveled from under his navel downward. I brushed my thumb over the
hair and Shouyou leaned into my touch. I watched his nose scrunch up like it
did when I tickled him. My hands slowly went downwards and I heard his breath
hitch. I leaned over and kissed him lightly.
"I'll never leave you," I started to rub my hand against him and I saw Shouyou
bite back a moan. I moved my other hand and lifted his leg up so that it was
bent and I ran my hand up and down his thigh slowly. His face was beat red now
but he still held it in. I wanted to hear his voice. I let my lips touch that
certain area in his neck and I sucked on it hard.
"Eyaaa," he threw his hands back and grabbed his bed sheets and bit his lip,
unintentionally looking even more ravishing. I continued what I was doing and
felt my own groin begin to throb in need, but it could wait because I didn't
want to hurt Shouyou. He let out noises that drove me crazy so I went ahead and
slipped down his underwear and held his erection in my hand, running my thumb
along the tip and through the slits and the cry that came from Shouyou was so
seductive and I felt my own erection jump in excitement. I wanted to take him
so badly, but I wouldn't.
"Tobio," he breathed out my name and stared at me with half lidded eyes that
almost seemed lustful. He wiggled his hips a bit and the underwear fell lower,
I helped him remove it completely and he propped both of his legs up with me
kneeling in the middle. My hand rubbed up and down Shouyou's erection slowly
and I could see the drool starting to fall out from his mouth. I leaned in to
kiss him and he came up to meet me, our tongues rubbed against and swirled
around each other in a sloppy, wet kiss.
My hand was wet in his pre-cum and I really couldn't hold back much longer so I
let my hand move away to massage his bottom as I grinded my hips against him. I
rested my hands on the underside of his bottom where thighs started and butt
ended and pressed my thumbs lightly against his anus. I kissed him again and he
moved his arms so they looped around my neck and kept me pressed against him.
"Is this okay?" I watched Shouyou smile sweetly like I've never seen before.
"If it's Tobio, then yes," I smiled and pressed my thumbs in watched his mouth
press into a flat line and his eyebrows crease slightly. I stretched out the
edge before pressing in two fingers slowly, watching to see if he was in any
pain. I let my other hand wander and rub the sensitive inside of his thighs and
Shouyou let out a small gasp but as my hand slowly moved in his hips bucked up
and I began to rub him with my hand again and each time he bucked up against my
hips I felt a moan come out of me as well. I kissed him and we moaned into each
other's mouths as I pressed my two fingers in deeper and opened and closed them
like scissors. I rubbed against the muscle walls and went even deeper. I was
doing this slowly and at one point Shouyou threw his head back and gripped my
hair as he let out a loud and sexy cry. I had to lick my lips to keep from
eating him alive and pushed my fingers back into that spot again to hear that
noise again.
"Uwaaaah," he squeezed his thighs together and trapped me against him. I kissed
him again and pulled both my hands away as I undid my belt and zipper and
underwear just enough to release my own erection. The cool air made me shiver
and it was leaking in pre-cum. I needed something to lubricate myself so that I
wouldnt hurt Shouyou. I felt a hand push on my chest.
"Here," Shouyou sat me down on the bed so I leaned against the wall. I watched
as he moved so he was lying half on the bed in-between my legs. He leaned on
his elbows and our eyes met. I was so not thinking that this would happen but
it is. Shouyou wrapped his hand around my erection and let his breath tease me
and shivers ran all through my body. His tongue peeked out and he licked the
whole length of it and I pressed my head into the wall.
"Stop teasing me already," my voice was way deeper than usual and incredibly
breathy. He laughed and I watched as he took my erection in his mouth and deep
throated it. I moaned and let my hand grab the back of Shouyou's head. His
mouth was so warm and so  good.  Then he started moving his head up and down
and I had to put my other hand over my mouth. I've only ever dreamed that
something like this would happen and I never knew how  good  it would feel.
Shouyou made a noise and I felt it vibrate along my erection and I moaned into
my hand and fisted Shouyou's hair.
"Wait," I pulled him up and cupped his face before kissing him. He moved into
my lap and before he could position himself I laid him down on the bed again.
He looked up at me with wide eyes. "I want to make you feel good, okay?" He
nodded slightly and blushed.
"Okay," I pulled his legs up so they hooked over my shoulders and settled down
on my knees and in-between his legs. He gripped the bed sheets as I lined
myself up. I kissed the inside of his thigh and slowly pushed forward and into
Shouyou. His breath hitched and there was a knock on the door making us both
freeze.
"Boys? Dinner is ready when you are so come out when you're ready. Is
everything alright?" I stared at Shouyou who stared at me. He cleared his
throat.
"Everything's fine mom. We'll be out later," I couldn't help but snicker at our
situation and Shouyou's embarrassed face.
"Alright, don't take too long," Shouyou glared at me and was about to say
something when I pulled out and slammed back into him. His back arched from the
bed and he moaned in ecstasy. I got into a rhythm and moved around until
Shouyou cried out a certain way and continued ramming into that spot. There was
sweat on my back and my calves burned but I continued to push myself. Shouyou
was feeling so nice and I felt so happy and good.
I moved one of my hands from his leg and wrapped my hand around his erection
and pumped it, trying to match it in time with each thrust. My breath was heavy
but I felt pleasure buzzing in my hips and pelvis and it was such a good
feeling.
"T-Tobi-io," he reached out to me and I let his legs fall from my shoulders so
I could hug him to me in a passionate kiss. I felt myself on the edge of an
orgasm and I snapped my hips extra hard into Shouyou as I came inside of him
and he came all over our stomachs. We still held onto each other as we rode the
orgasm out and I slowly moved so that I was lying on my back with Shouyou
leaning on my chest. He traced circles into my chest and I tried to comprehend
what just happened.
I had sex with Shouyou.
I had sex with Shouyou.
Fuck the team is going to  kill  me if they find out! I slapped myself in the
forehead and Shouyou looked up at me.
"Tobio?" He leaned up and rested on his elbows. My shirt started to slide off
of his shoulders but he pulled it back on. As we had settled down he put on my
shirt because he said he was cold but I just think he likes to wear my clothes.
"It's nothing really. I was just thinking about how the team was going to kill
me if they found out about this," I saw his face pale a moment before he
laughed, and he laughed hard. I frowned because he was laughing at me but it
didn't stay because he had such a beautiful laugh.
"Oh my gosh," he wiped a tear from his eye on the shirt sleeve, "they totally
will won't they?" He was still laughing and I pulled him against me in a hug. I
felt him shake in laughter and my smile widened.
"Oh shut up, idiot. Then you would lose your loving boyfriend," he laughed even
harder and I joined along, Shouyou had an infectious laugh.
We sneaked out of his room in the bed sheets and washed ourselves up in the
bath and in the process got into a bubble war with a strawberry scented bubble
bath and Shouyou emerged victorious. Then we threw the sheets and our clothes
in the wash and changed our clothes. I had to put all of my clothes in the wash
because they were all dirty but that was okay since Shouyou had enough of my
clothes in his closet from all the clothes he "borrowed" from my house. Dinner
was noodles and afterwards we cuddled and watched another studio Ghibli movie
called  Earthsea  and during it I noticed a hickie behind Shouyou's ear and
then more covering his neck and collarbone. I couldn't help but smile. The team
was going to have a field day tomorrow about this.
***** Hinata *****
I twisted my hands nervously as Tobio filled out the form for me. I had tried
to fill it out myself but my hands shook too much. We sat in the police station
lobby and it only made me more anxious than I already was. It took a lot of
deep breathing and reassuring affection for me to just walk into the station
and now that I was here I felt like I would faint if anything got anymore
stressful.
I watched Tobio walk up to the desk and talk to the lady behind it as he handed
her the paperwork and the CD and flash drive. I saw them talk a little more
before Tobio said thanks and walked back to me. He took one of my hands,
stopping me from wringing them, and kissed it.
"She said to wait until they call you back for questioning. I asked but she
said you would have to go alone. I'm sorry Shouyou," I just bit my lip and
nodded. I had chewed down all of my nails already and my leg was bouncing
nervously. My hands were clammy and it felt hot. I was wearing one of Tobio's
sweaters over a T-shirt and jeans with black converse. Tobio was wearing a
long-sleeved T-shirt, jeans, tennis shoes and a jacket and he didn't look as
anxious as I was but I could still see his worry.
As we sat there my worry turned to anxiety and my anxiety slowly turned into
fear and I felt the adrenalin running through my veins making me hyper
sensitive and aware of my surroundings. I flinched whenever I heard the snap of
the angry man in the corner's rubber band that he wore around his wrist. The
slow clicking of the clock only made my heart race and even Tobio couldn't calm
me down all the way. There were so many possibilities running through my mind
and I couldn't think straight.
What if Oikawa comes to the station? What if he got Natsu or Mom? What if the
police don't believe me? What if they think Tobio did it? What if I faint? What
if the files were corrupt? What if they think it's fake? What if the station
gets under attack and I get taken away? What if-
"Hinata Shouyou? It's time for your questioning," I stood up and took a deep
breath before following the police officer through the door, past a bunch of
other officers at desks, and into a room with a large mirror on one wall and a
table with two chairs. "Sit down," I nodded and began to wring my hands again
as I sat down. In front of me was the mirror and I knew there were people
behind it watching and monitoring me. The police officer poured me a glass of
water from a pitcher and told me to wait for the detectives.
"T-thank you," they left and I felt myself being consumed by dark thoughts. Now
that Tobio wasn't here I couldn't focus on something and my heart pounded like
crazy. I already felt a tension headache forming and I took a drink from the
glass of water, hoping there wasn't some sort of test they would put me
through.
The door opened and I stood up. A man and a women walked in, one held my case
file and the plastic evidence bag with the CD and flash drive. I wonder if they
watched the video or read through the documents or looked at the pictures. What
if they think it's fake?
"Please, sit down," the woman spoke and she sat down as well. The man leaned
against the mirror/window and crossed his arms. "I'm Detective Niyosaka and
this is Detective Tachibana. Your name is Hinata Shouyou, correct?" Even though
it was a simple question I started to panic.
"Y-yes," she nodded and opened up the case file and read a few lines.
"And you are reporting someone abusing you, correct?" My mind was racing. I
couldn't speak so I just nodded.
"And exactly how were you being abused, in your own words," I started wringing
out the end of the sweater I was wearing because my hands had started hurting.
I bit my lip and took a deep breath before speaking.
"W-well he would h-hurt me," I closed my eyes and tried to imagine what it was
like when I was in Tobio's arms so I could calm down. "He hits me, bites me,
scratches me, yanks my hair, calls me names, cuts me with a knife, and r-rapes
me. And sometimes he f-forces me to do things by threatening to hurt my little
sister," she nodded and looked at the file again before looking back up.
"What types of things does he force you to do?" I felt like my throat was the
savanna desert. I took another drink of water.
"H-he makes me s-s-," I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. God this was
going to kill me. "He makes me seduce him and make it seem and feel real or
else he would hurt my sister," I opened my eyes. "And he makes me hurt myself
with knives. And s-sometimes I have t-to d-do myself w-with s-sex-x toys," I
leaned forward to catch my breath. It took all of my energy to keep from
stuttering when I spoke. It was so hard to say anything at all and my throat
kept tightening. I heard a glass of water being poured. "Thank you," I spoke
softly again because that was all I could do and I took a long drink, trying to
calm myself with the cool liquid running down my throat.
"I know this is hard for you," that's an understatement, "but you need to tell
us everything, okay? It'll help us protect you," I nodded and glanced up to
meet her eyes but couldn't hold the gaze. The guy leaning against the wall had
yet to speak. "What is the name of your abuser?"
"Oikawa Toru," I was back to talking softly but that was okay. At least I was
talking.
"Who did you come here with today?" I felt my eyebrows raise but I continued
staring at my lap. Why would they ask this?
"M-my boyfriend," I felt my face flush in embarrassment since I was saying it
out loud to strangers, "Kageyama Tobio," I heard her hum and when I looked at
her she was frowning at the file. I heard the man shift and when I looked over
he was now leaning on his hands against the table with a creased brow.
"Your boyfriend?" I nodded hesitantly. "And how long have you had your
boyfriend ?" I felt some offense as he said that and I straightened up and
glared at him.
"Three weeks, and I do not like that tone you are using. My boyfriend is a good
man and would  never  hurt me," I watched them both raise their eyebrows and
look at each other. When they turned back the woman spoke again.
"We never said anything about your boyfriend hurting you. Do you have a healthy
relationship? Do you fight a lot?" I thought about last Tuesday night and tried
to suppressed my blush.
"We don't fight. Tobio is very good to me, probably more than I deserve," I
trailed off and looked back down at my lap. I wish Tobio were here with me. I
would feel so much better. I heard them shuffle through papers.
"You said that Oikawa has been abusing you for about two years?" I nodded, not
really wanting to speak anymore. "How did this start?" Tobio had written it all
down but they probably just wanted me to confirm it.
"Oikawa asked me to be his boyfriend and I said yes but by the second date he
took my virginity," I didn't know if they could hear me properly but that
didn't matter. They probably bugged the room and could play this back on camera
later.
"What made you decide to turn him in now and not earlier?" I hated this part
because when it first happened I was terrified for weeks.
"He said if I ever thought about telling someone he would hurt my family and
then make me kill them and then he said he would sell me so I would have to
work as a whore," I felt myself shake and I dug my nails into my fist to help
get a grip on myself. I heard pen against paper and I glanced up and saw the
woman writing in the file. I wonder what she was writing.
"How often does he abuse you?" I felt myself bottling up my emotions as the
questioning went on.
"He didn't do it often at first but then he kept adding more until it was
multiple times a day. It stopped two weeks ago though," I heard her hum in
thought.
"Why did he stop?"
"Tobio agreed not to turn him in if Oikawa stayed away from me and he did. Me
and Tobio started though to collect things against him and he sent us that CD
there in warning but we didn't stop. Last Monday he came to my school during
volleyball practice and tried to take me away but Tobio wouldn't let him. So
Oikawa started to kiss me and Tobio got angry and attacked Oikawa but the team
stopped him before he could really do anything and made Oikawa leave. Then on
Tuesday he left a package with a maid costume that he made me wear once by
threatening my little sister and I panicked and checked if my sister was okay
and she was. Oikawa hasn't done anything since," the words just sort of poured
out without emotion but on the inside I was crying. I just want Tobio back.
"So Tobio has been protecting you?"
"Yes," I didn't look at them. My heart was hurting too much and my head
throbbed in pain.
"When did Tobio learn about your abuse?" She sounded curious but I could hear
the distaste in her voice when she said "Tobio".
"He found out the first day of school but he didn't realize it was Oikawa until
3 weeks ago," I glanced up and saw her nodding as she looked through the file.
The man was leaning back against the wall.
"Who else knows about your abusive relationship?"
"My mother and my volleyball team," there was more writing.
"Why did you tell them if you were threatened?" I sighed and rubbed my hands
where my nails had made indents.
"It wasn't my idea. Tobio suggested it because everyone was worried. I said
that it was fine though but I was too scared to say anything, so Tobio told
everyone for me," I heard the plastic fold out chair squeak under the female
detective.
"So Tobio has been the main cause for the abuse coming to a stand-still and for
this case being brought to us. If he didn't do anything, where do you think you
would be right now?" I rubbed my hands together and flexed my fingers to try
and relieve some of the stress.
"I would probably be very sick and weak," the image from my nightmares flashed
through my mind and I shivered and hugged myself. "I would also probably be
with Oikawa still and be locked back in the basement because of how I defied
him by not attending his school. No one would know where I was and I would
probably die after a while because I hadn't been eating much until Tobio became
my boyfriend," now I was talking really fast and I dug my fingers into my arms
to keep myself from bolting. My leg started bouncing again and I felt the
headache growing stronger. God please just let this end.
"Hm, so Tobio pretty much saved you from Oikawa?" I nodded. "He means a lot to
you doesn't he?" Again I nodded but now my lip began to quiver and I felt my
throat constricting. We sat there in silence for a while as she scribbled
something down on the paper. The chair squeaked and I flinched when it
screeched as it was dragged across the floor.
"Hinata? Why don't you come with me. We are done with your questioning," I
looked up and she stood at the side of the table, waiting for me. Nodding my
head slowly, I stood up and followed her past the man and out the door. The
male detective and the case file stayed in the room. Instead of taking me back
to a lobby she took another sharp turn and lead me through a door right next to
the one I exited. I was confused but when we stepped in I realized some things.
This was the room on the other side of the mirror and a lady stood by one side
of the mirror by a microphone and another officer stood by the door. The female
detective said something to him and I watched him leave the room.
"Come, sit," she guided me to a seat in front of the glass and I looked through
it hesitantly. The other detective was reading the case file and I raised an
eyebrow in question. I opened my mouth to ask Detective Niyosaka a question
when the door to the interrogation room opened and Tobio stepped in followed by
the officer, who lead him to the seat before bowing and leaving. Detective
Tachibana slapped the file down on the table and sat on its edge as he leered
over Tobio.
"Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou's boyfriend?" I saw the beginning of a frown on
Tobio's face and his hands rested on the table twitched slightly. I so
desperately wanted to go to him but Niyosaka stood behind me on guard with her
hand rested on the back of my seat. I watched Tobio say yes warily as he began
to harden his gaze at the man. The woman by the microphone pressed a button and
spoke into it.
"Notice how tense he is. He is obviously worried but he is also on the
defensive. He thinks you are trying to accuse him of something," that's when I
noticed the ear bud in the detective's ear. So this woman was trying to give
them hints on what to ask us.
"And how well do you believe your relationship is going?" His tone was light
but anyone could notice its hard undertone of suspicion. I watched Tobio begin
to crack his knuckles like he did when worried.
"I think it is going very well. Shouyou seems very happy and relaxed around me
and I'm very happy to be with him. I love Shouyou," Detective Tachibana nodded
and I tried to see his face but he was turned away from me. The button clicked
as the woman pressed it again.
"Notice how he said he loved him. They have only been dating for three weeks so
how does he know he loves him? Also notice how he said his boyfriend was
'relaxed' around him. Did he seem relaxed during the questioning?" The
detective tilted his head and I saw his fingers tap on the table.
"You love him?" Tobio nodded tersely and his jaw tightened. "But that would
seem improbable since you have only been dating for 3 weeks and school has only
been for a few months. How can you be so sure that you  love  Hinata?" He
sounded like he was trying to imply something and Tobio must have noticed
because he clenched one of his hands into a fist and frowned.
"Yes I am sure I love him. I have for over a year," I know that he was just
trying to be honest but the woman on the microphone was quick to talk about
that and ask questions. I started biting on the skin around my fingers
nervously.
"Over a year, hm?" I saw Tobio's eyebrows raise slightly as he seemed to
realize his slip up but it didn't seem to faze him.
"Yes," he was leaning forward in his seat now and tense. Detective Tachibana
slid from the table and rested his hands on it instead.
"But you only met Hinata this school year, correct?" Tobio shook his head and I
flinched as my fingers began to bleed but it didn't stop me from chewing on
them.
"During middle school last year me and Shouyou played against each other in a
volleyball match. His team was weak but I saw his amazing potential and I
couldn't take my eyes off of him. Shouyou was so beautiful and graceful, and
his smile gave me goosebumps it was so bright," I watched a small smile play
itself onto his lips as his passion and love poured into his voice. "I knew I
had to meet him but after the match I couldn't find him. I looked through the
game records but they only had names and I didn't know his at the time. I kept
looking and looking but I couldn't find him anywhere and whenever I looked up
his school they said there was no boys volleyball club so I couldn't find
Shouyou anywhere. But just when I was giving up I went to a school office where
you turned in the forms for the high school you wanted to attend and before I
could turn mine in I saw a file lying out with a picture of him and it said he
was going to Karasuno. So I quickly changed my forms and turned them in, I felt
so happy because I could see him again and possibly befriend him," I blushed
slightly and wiped the blood from my fingers on the dark gray sweater leaving
dark red spots on it.
"So I went to Karasuno and it turned out that we had the same class with each
other and that's when I found out what Shouyou's name was. I met him officially
after school during volleyball try outs but I acted like a jerk because I was
nervous," he chuckled and shook his head. "Shouyou left early after getting a
text message but I soon chased after him when one of the upperclassmen offered
to let us practice together before the practice the next morning. So I went to
tell him and I found his bike and bag by a bridge and underneath the bridge was
Shouyou. That's when I found out he was being abused," I heard the sadness in
his voice and I started to wring out the shirt ends again and my legs bounced
together as I bit down on my lip hard enough to make my lip throb and I winced
in pain.
"So Hinata told you about being abused?" Tobio shook his head and his face was
blank.
"No, he didn't. Shouyou was terrified of Oikawa and I realized myself that day
that Shouyou was being abused. He was limping and holding himself like he was
in pain and I could see the fear on his face and in his eyes. After he left I
went down and tried to piece together exactly what happened. There was blood
and... semen on the ground and it stank of sex, and that's how I found out."
"But how did Hinata learn that you knew?"
"I was getting to that," he looked annoyed from being interrupted and glared at
the detective. "A week or so later we got into a practice match against Aoba
Johsai and I was assigned as setter. We played against them very well and me
and Shouyou used a new technique to surprise them and we won. I had promised
myself that after our first match I would tell Shouyou how I felt about him but
I couldn't find him. That's when it occurred to me that the person hurting him
went to that school and I looked through the whole school for him, and when I
found him he was sobbing and he fell asleep after crying into my shoulder. I
took him back to my house and let his mother know that I was letting him stay
over. The next day-" I stopped listening because I knew the rest of the story.
The detective asked some questions and the woman pointed out Tobio's reactions
and gave him questions to ask him. But one question struck us both hard.
"Have you ever touched Hinata when he said no?" Tuesday night flashes through
my mind and I felt my heart hammer in my chest. This couldn't be happening.
Tobio looked offended and he stood up from the chair and slammed his fists on
the table.
"How dare you even think I would do that? I would never do anything to him
without him knowing! I love him and would do anything to make him happy and
safe!"
"You would even kill?" His eyes were wide and his mouth fell open in shock.
"I beg your pardon?" His face was pale and I watched the detective straighten
up and lift his head, presenting himself in a dominating way. Tobio didn't back
down and fixed his posture as well.
"You said you would do anything for him. So does that mean you would kill if it
would give him happiness and keep him safe?" In his eyes I saw hurt but his
body said anger and dominance.
"I would never kill anyone because it is morally and socially wrong. It
wouldn't matter if Shouyou wanted it or if I wanted it. I will never kill
anyone for anyone," I placed a hand on my chest and felt my heart slowing down
to a normal pace. I'm glad he will never kill but a part of me felt sad that he
wouldn't kill someone for me even if it meant my safety.
Detective Tachibana asked him more questions about various things and they both
sat down across from each other, still presenting themselves in a dominating
manor. I zoned out and tried to focus on Tobio's face to calm my racing heart
and mind. Without realizing it I had started scratching at my wrists that were
littered with inch-long scars that varied in thickness. From me and Oikawa both
but they all had healed physically when mentally they burned and gushed with
blood.
No, focus on Tobio. I took deep, calming breaths as I watched Tobio talk. His
face changed from frowns to anger to confusion to passion and then the cycle
repeated. He answered every question as best and honest as he could. Whenever
he spoke about me I felt my stomach grow weirdly warm in a good way and it
helped me calm down. I felt a lot better too now that I wasn't being asked
questions.
"Alright, you're done. Someone will escort you out," he stood up and so did
Tobio. I heard the door open and when I looked I saw the back of Detective
Niyosaka before the door closed. Through the window I saw her step in and lead
Tobio out and I stood up, biting my lip and my hands wrinkled and stretched the
sweaters fabric. The door opened again and I felt my heart leap when I saw
Tobio we both rushed forward and I hugged him tightly. I felt his nose rub
against my scalp and his lips brush against the top of my head.
"I was so worried about you," I felt myself relax slowly in the hug.
"I was worried about myself too, and you of course," I heard him chuckle
lightly before Niyosaka cleared her throat.
"Why don't you both sit down and wait. I think you will want to watch this," I
thanked her and we sat in the two fold out chairs. Tobio scooted them closer
together so that we were pressed against each other and he threw his arm over
my shoulders. I felt the tension slowly leave my body as I leaned against him
and felt his breath in my ear. I'm not sure what she wanted us to see but
Detective Tachibana had left the room and was gone quite a while before he came
back followed by an officer pulling Oikawa in handcuffs.
I tensed and reached for Tobio's hand and he squeezed mine reassuringly. They
must have arrested Oikawa during our questioning. For a second I thought he
could see us because he stared at us through the glass and winked with a giant
smile on his face. He was forced into the chair and two officers stood on
guard, one at the door and the other behind Oikawa a little to the side.
"Oikawa Toru. Attends Aoba Johsai High School. Captain and official setter of
the volleyball club. Age 17. Accused of sexual, mental and physical abuse to
Hinata Shouyou. Do you deny any of this information?" Oikawa's eyes widened and
he smiled harder.
"Well I wouldn't go as far as calling it  abuse , because the little snivelling
whore deserves it," I felt Tobio hold me tighter and squeeze my hand. I held
back my tears and fear. Oikawa kept looking at us and smiling and it made me
shiver.
"Really? So you admit to raping him, multiple times?" Detective Tachibana
sounded slightly angry but I couldn't tell if it was just normal frustration or
because of Oikawa.
"I admit to having sex with him a lot, and let me tell you, that bitch can do
wonders with his mouth. And the way he moans your name is enough to make any
man get a boner," Oikawa was laughing and he suggestively moved his hands in
different motions, all the while staring at us. I had to close my eyes because
I didn't want to see his face. It was better when I couldn't see him.
"You do realize that both of you are underage, correct?" Oikawa snorted and I
heard the plastic chair squeak as he moved around in it, probably taking a
relaxed position.
"Psh, who cares about that? Almost everyone screws something before turning 18.
Isn't that right Tobio-chan? Did you figure out how good that bitch is in bed
yet? I bet you fucked him real hard, huh? I should join you next time! Three
ways are always more fun!" He laughed again before being shut up by an officer.
I felt Tobio tense and the ladies gasped in horror and revulsion. They mumbled
and spat out insults at him; I held onto Tobio so that he wouldn't leave and
try to hurt Oikawa.
"Please try and stay on topic," Oikawa snorted and I could practically hear the
smirk he was wearing. "How long has this  relationship  been going on?" Now I
could plainly hear the detectives anger and I knew that Oikawa was enjoying it.
He always tried to milk the drama from every situation.
"Hm, I've been fucking around with that toy for about two years. But every time
I shove my dick up his  fine  ass it feels like the first time all over again.
Those noises he makes drive me crazy and when-"
"Please be quiet," I felt myself tense at his angry tone. Oikawa hated to be
interrupted so without looking I knew that he was frowning and the right corner
of his mouth was twitching. "How often did you and Hinata meet so you could
'screw around'?" The detective wasn't even trying to keep his anger from
showing anymore. The chair scraped against the floor making me wince and when I
cracked my eye open he was facing us with his hands behind his back. I saw him
mouth something but couldn't tell what it was.
"Right," I looked over, picking my head up from Tobio's shoulder, and saw
Niyosaka coming over to us. "Let's move somewhere else, okay?"
"Okay," Tobio got up and pulled me up after him. I clung to his arm, wanting to
be close to him even though we were in public. She lead us out of the room and
to the side before handing us both cards.
"If you need anything else you can call me or Detective Tachibana. I'll call
you both about where this case will be going. We might call in some of your
family members or friends for more information so don't be surprised, we might
call you in again as well. I'll keep you updated. Be safe boys," she gave us a
kind smile and asked if we needed help getting out but Tobio said that he knew
the way. We bid each other farewell and I let Tobio drag me back through the
station and out the lobby.
Once outside he sat us down on a bench and we both stayed there in silence. My
heart was still pounding and I couldn't get what Oikawa said out of my head. I
wanted to cry but I had already cried so much. My chest and head hurt and I
just wanted Tobio to hold me so I could fall asleep. And then all of this would
be over... for now.
Tobio flipped his phone open and dialed up a number. He put his arm around me
and I held onto it as I leaned into him silently. I could feel him take each
breath and I matched my breathing to his.
"Hello, Hinata-san," I smiled when I remembered when he started calling my mom
that. He said it would be weird to refer to her as "Shouyou's mom" and that it
would be even weirder to call her "mom" too. He decided on calling her Hinata-
san because I started to make fun of him for not referring to her as a mom.
"Yes... Yes we are done... Yes that would be nice... I think he would like to
stay at my house, right Shouyou?" I nodded and played with Tobio's hand. "He
said yes... Right... Okay thank you, bye," he snapped the phone shut and
stuffed it into his pocket. Tobio pulled me closer to him so I was half-sitting
on his lap and I looked up at him. "Your mom is going to take us out to lunch
and then you can stay over at my house for the rest of today and tonight if you
want to," he used his hand to trace circles on my neck and I let myself think
about it before nodding my head with a small smile.
"I would like that," I saw him leaning down and I moved up to meet him in a
soft, loving kiss. When Tobio pulled away he kissed my forehead a few times and
mumbled an "I love you." I brought his other hand to my face and kissed the
palm before pressing it to my cheek, whispering the words back.  
Tobio's phone buzzed and the moment was gone. He checked it and said mom was
here. I let myself be pulled out of the seat again and held onto Tobio's hand
as we walked through the parking lot to where she said she parked. When we got
closer I went to drop his hand but Tobio held it tightly. I didn't really want
to let go either so I held on. Mom'll understand. I'm sure.
We climbed into the back seats of the small four-door car and buckled in
sitting next to each other instead of leaving the middle seat empty between us.
Tobio's hand rested on my thigh and mine rested over his, holding it tightly.
Mom smiled at us in the rearview mirror before asking where we wanted to eat. I
didn't really care so Tobio chose a nearby burger joint.
I poked at the burger after taking one bite. It's not that it wasn't good, I
just wasn't hungry. Nibbling on the fries I glanced over at Tobio who was
enjoying his burger and staring off into the distance as he ate. Mom sat a
little bit away from us because she wanted to give us some privacy after the
questioning. As we sat there in silence I let my mind wander and thought back
to Tuesday night.
I felt so alive and so relaxed with Tobio. When he touched me I felt so at home
and I enjoyed it. I wanted to be intimate with Tobio. The reason why we did it
was unclear to me but I am happy we did. Somehow it brought us closer together.
I bit my lip when I remembered that I put my mouth on his  thing  willingly and
I didn't feel bad about it. All of the times before I had felt so horrible and
dirty but with Tobio I didn't. I was relaxed and so content that I actually got
playful  after intimacy and we had a bubble war. And when he put the thing in
the thing... I felt my face go red. I couldn't even think about it and use the
proper words without getting really flustered.
"Shouyou?" I couldn't look at Tobio so I covered my blushing face with my
hands. I heard crumpling of paper and then his hands wrapped around my wrists.
"What's wrong? Is everything okay?" He sounded worried and I hated that I made
him so but I couldn't stop my thoughts or think of anything else. Tobio tried
to pull my hands away gently but I shook him off and pulled the sweater up to
cover my face and basically hid inside of the sweater.
"Come on, what's wrong?" Tobio chuckled nervously and I felt his hand start to
brush through my hair. The memory of him pulling on my hair flashed through my
mind and I swatted his hand from my head and held it in mine instead.
"Seriously Shouyou, what is it?" I peeked out of the shirt and met Tobio's
eyes. I saw them soften and then the worry disappeared as he brushed my hair
from my face but his hand accidentally touched my face and I was surprised by
how cold it was.
"Are you embarrassed?" He smiled softly and continued brushing his hand through
my hair. I knew I probably looked ridiculous but I didn't want Tobio to see how
flustered I was.
"Yes," my voice cracked and I looked away. He chuckled and let go of my hand. I
was disappointed at first but then he pulled the sweater back down and I
squeaked, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugging them. Tobio started
laughing and I puffed out my cheeks, trying and failing to glare at him. I
slapped him on the shoulder.
"Oh shut up, jerk," I looked away and hugged my knees in anger. Tobio stopped
laughing and hugged me to him.
"I'm sorry. You just looked so cute," he kissed my forehead and tucked my head
under his chin. I felt my blush intensify as I remembered how it felt when our
bare chests touched. He felt-feels so warm. I leaned into him and felt my mouth
twitching. Unsure if I should smile or frown. I felt so confused. I felt so
nice with Tobio and I think he felt good too by how he had acted. But what is
this? Do I love him for his personality or for how he makes me feel? Is this
love or lust?
“I’m not cute,” his chuckle vibrated through his chest and tickled me. What is
this feeling I’m feeling?
“That’s right. You’re not cute,” I felt his breath hit my ear. “You’re
handsome,” I felt a pleasant shiver run down my spine, from his warm breath or
from the complement and tone of his voice I wasn’t sure. I hugged my legs
instead of Tobio but it really didn’t matter because the position I was in made
it almost impossible to move my arms so I could hug him back. I was held like
that for a while before Tobio let me sit normally but he still kept his arm
around me. I didn’t eat anymore but he would bring it home, I was sure of it.
Tobio finished his meal and we left.
“Don’t stay up too late,” mom winked at me and waved as she drove away. Tobio
guided me into the house and I went and flopped face down on the couch after
taking off my shoes. He went into the kitchen and put my uneaten burger and
half-eaten fries into the fridge before coming over to the couch and laughing.
“How am I supposed to sit with you if you take up the whole couch?” I lifted
the front half of my body and after he sat down I flopped back down, resting my
head in his lap. Tobio ran his hands through and played with my hair. It felt
nice and it helped the tension leave from my head but my confusion still
stayed. I thought about it but I couldn’t come to a decision. Did I like
kissing Tobio because it showed his love for me or because he was a good
kisser? Did I like the feeling of his hands because that is him showing love
and understanding or because he is good with his hands? Is this love or lust? I
wanted to know if I loved him or if it was starting all over again.
What if I don’t really love Tobio and when I tell him he gets angry and hurts
me? I don’t want to lose Tobio. He means so much to me, but how so? I felt like
crying. This was so frustrating! I bit down on my lip as some tears came to my
eyes. I didn’t move my hands to wipe them away because I didn’t want Tobio to
know. If he did anything it would only confuse me more. His hands soothed me
but it didn’t stop my tears from falling down silently. I hoped that his pants
wouldn’t get too wet because if he noticed now I might never figure this out.
“Want to watch some TV?” I took a second to compose myself before responding
 with a small “sure” and a shrug of my shoulders. The remote was on the table
right next to Tobio so he didn’t have to move much. He began to flip through
channels and my thoughts raced. None of it made sense. What is love really? Is
it loving the touch of another or the feelings behind the touch? I wanted to
run away somewhere safe so I could cry but the only place I felt safe was with
Tobio and he was the reason I felt so confused.
I can’t take it.
I slipped off the couch and stood up, never once looking at him. He asked what
was wrong and I said I needed to use the toilet. He was satisfied with that
answer and it made some part inside of me sad because he couldn’t tell that I
was in pain. I locked the bathroom door and sank to my knees on the floor
before the tears flooded out and I cried silently. I was just so confused. I
wanted this to be real. I wanted to be in love with Tobio but now it feels like
I’ve fallen in love with his body and that’s not right. My hands moved up to my
head and I yanked on my hair hard as a quiet sob shook my body.
I don’t know what to do.
Part of me just wanted to be held by Tobio as he told me how much he loved me
but the other wanted him to  show  me how much he loved me. I didn’t know what
to choose. It feels like everything is just crashing down on me again and the
stress was too much! I wanted Tobio, but I couldn’t say why. I wanted Tobio,
but I couldn’t say in what way. I just wanted Tobio. Maybe I love everything
about Tobio? Or maybe I’m just delusional.
This is too confusing. I don’t know what to do.
I struggled to pull myself up by the sink and I leaned against it heavily as I
stared at my reflection. I looked like and felt like a mess. My skin was too
pale and the bags under my eyes made me look crazy. The redness and puffiness
of my eyes made me look ugly, I couldn’t see why Tobio would love me. He said
I’m cute. The snot that dripped from my nose didn’t look cute. He said I’m
handsome. I look like a wreck and my clothes are dirty. He said I’m graceful.
My hands slipped and I fell, hitting my chin against the counter before falling
backwards, pain exploding from my chin. I’m not graceful or cute or handsome.
I’m just a mess.
There was knocking on the door and I heard Tobio call in but I didn’t want to
hear him. Everything was just too much.
“GO AWAY!” My voice cracked as I screamed at him and it gave way to heavy and
loud sobs. Tobio tried the door but it was a fruitless effort. He wouldn’t be
able to open in because he didn’t have a key, he told me that they lost it
years ago. The tile floor felt cold and my body felt so hot. I wanted to take
off the sweater but my body felt heavy and I couldn’t lift my head without pain
rushing through my body. I tried to lift it anyways and went to clench my jaw
against the pain but it only made it worse and I didn’t hold back my scream.
“SHOUYOU!” the door buckled against the weight but stayed in-tact. I felt like
my whole body was in pain. I sobbed hard and it hurt my chest and I heaved in
breaths with difficulty between each cry. I want to know what it is I feel for
Tobio but I couldn’t think clearly through the pain and sobs. My head rolled to
the side and I stared at the door blurrily through tears. Do I want Tobio to
come in? I wanted to feel complete and not like this mess I was but I didn’t
know what me and Tobio had anymore.
He’s my boyfriend, so I should love him and he should love me… right?
“Shouyou, please! Unlock the door! Are you in pain? Do I need to call for
someone? Please, I want to help you,” I could clearly hear the worry in his
voice and it sounded raw like he was crying too. That made my stomach twist. I
don’t like it when Tobio cries. I rolled onto my side and cried in pain as
something hit my chin. When I touched it my hands came back covered in blood. I
felt adrenaline shoot through me veins.
“Tobio-” I was cut off by a sob and I tried to reach for the door but it was
too far away. I closed my eyes against the pain in my chin, I just wanted Tobio
back.
“Yes? Shouyou what is it? Honey are you okay?” I opened my mouth to speak but
even doing that made my chin hurt worse. I tried pulling myself closer to the
door but it was just so hard. I was mentally drained of energy and I just
wanted to sleep with Tobio by my side. I don't care what he would do because I
just wanted him beside me.
"No..." I squeezed my eyes shut and reached out, my fingers brushed against the
door frame.
"What's wrong? Where are you hurt?" He sounded frantic and I heard a beeping
noise from typing a number into a phone. "I'm going to call the police, okay?
They can help you so don't worry," he had stopped trying to open the door but I
knew he didn't leave the spot outside it either. I tried reaching for the door
again.
"To-o-obio-o," I kept hiccuping and my crying made it difficult to breath so it
only came out in short jerky breaths. I felt my head growing heavy and when I
moved my arms to try and push myself up they slipped in a warm liquid. I don't
remember getting the floor wet. I held myself up slightly and looked down to
see drops of blood splattered on the floor and trailing down my chest and arms.
I tried to wipe my chin off of my shoulder but that made it sting and the
motion made me nauseous.
"Don't worry honey, I'm here," I heard him talking quietly into the phone and a
part of me felt confused. Why was he calling me honey? It hurt my head too much
to think too hard though so I had to let the thought go. I dragged myself
closer to the door so I could lean against it slightly but my arms were to
heavy to bring them up and unlock it. So instead I started scratching at the
door with my short fingernails.
"Hold on a second- Shouyou what's wrong? Why are you scratching at the door?" I
could hear his voice like it was right next to me so he was probably kneeling
outside the door. When I tried to call out to him my voice gave out to a small
cry and I closed my eyes. My head felt so heavy and I just wanted to sleep.
"Tired..." I yawned and it made my jaw ache from when I fell. Tobio called my
name but I felt myself slipping away. I'm just so tired. I couldn't think about
it anymore. I was too tired to be confused but too confused to just give in.
"Shouyou? Shouyou are you okay? Shouyo-" I yawned again and the ache in my jaw
stung. I just want to sleep.
I just want Tobio.
I want to sleep with Tobio.
I want…
 
***** Kageyama *****
I sat by the hospital bed with my head down. My hands were wrapped around
Shouyou's and I felt exhausted. After the ambulance came I rode in the car with
them and I felt so worried. When I was waiting in the lobby I called Shouyou's
mother but she couldn't come because she had to watch Natsu and couldn't bring
her with. When the doctor came back he said only family could visit but after
calling Hinata-san she gave me permission to see him and I had her talk to the
doctor. Once I sat down by the bed I felt exhaustion come over me because
everything was okay now.
Shouyou had to get stitches for his chin and they gave him sedatives and pain
relievers because apparently he woke up and had a panic attack then tried to
hurt the nurses around him. I felt like I was partially responsible for this
happening because I didn't notice something was wrong with Shouyou.
He moaned in his sleep and I looked up. It was about five in the afternoon and
Shouyou had yet to wake up. I was so worried about him. I am still so worried
about him. The way he was acting just didn’t seem right. He seemed fine while
he was with me on the couch. I furrowed my eyebrows and thought about it again.
During lunch he suddenly got quieter after I hugged him, and he stopped eating.
Did I do something to upset him? My thoughts raced but nothing occurred to me.
I didn’t yell or try and hurt Oikawa even though I wanted to, I was honest and
I made sure he knew I loved him… right? So what was it?
“I don’t know what it is…” I shook myself from my thoughts and watched Shouyou
slowly open his eyes. They looked around before landing on me and his head
rolled to the side so he was staring straight at me. He gave me a toothy grin
and giggled. “Tooobioo!” I tried to return the smile but I knew this wasn’t
really him, he was pumped with sedatives and loopy.
“Hey Shouyou. How are you feeling?” He giggled and wiggled his fingers in my
hand. I couldn’t help but smile slightly, he seemed so carefree and happy, I
hadn’t seen him like this before.
“You’re my boyfriend,” he giggled and rolled his head to the other side. “Or
are you?” I looked at him curiously as he giggled and started rambling about
something insignificant.
“What do you mean by that? I am your boyfriend,” his head rolled back so that
he was staring at me again. He scrunched up his nose and raised his eyebrows as
a strange smile-frown made its way to his face.
“Are you?” he looked confused and I couldn’t understand, what did he mean?
Shouyou giggled and waved his hand before pointing at me seriously. “I like you
and,” he smiled, “your body,” I sat back and stared at him. What is this about?
“But which do I like more?” Now he was giggling and I felt my eyes widen as
realization hit. This is what was bothering him. I felt like crying and I
squeezed his hand.
“Oh Shouyou. It’s okay, that doesn’t matter! Shouyou honey, I love you and
that’s all that matters,” I pulled his hand closer to me so it was near my face
and I watched him look at me with a smile and a giggle.
“Honey,” he shook his head. “Hi  honey ,” he kept giggling and I looked down. I
can’t see him like this. It’s too much. I stood up and let go of his hand,
Shouyou looked at me and frowned but I turned to leave. I heard him move around
in the bed and then he was pulling on my shirt and stopping me.
“Tobioooo, where are you going?” Shouyou’s arms wrapped around my middle and he
giggled while squeezing me. “I wanna talk to you some more,” I removed
Shouyou’s arms and he whined, calling my name. I walked away as he called after
me. He began to cry when I was closing the door but I didn’t turn back. I
couldn’t talk to him like this. Tomorrow, I will talk to him tomorrow.
My heart ached as I walked away and down the hall. If only I had realised that
something was wrong then it wouldn’t be like this. Then Shouyou wouldn’t be
questioning our relationship. I felt the ache in my heart linger as I took the
bus home and as I ate dinner alone for the first time in a while. I chewed my
dinner slowly as tears poured from my eyes. I had to stop and rest my head on
the table because I felt so useless.
Obviously I am not trying hard enough to help Shouyou. If I were then we
wouldn’t be in this mess. I’m so stupid! I should have seen that this
relationship would confuse Shouyou! I shouldn’t have had sex with him because
now he doesn’t know if what we have is real. It’s all my fault. Shouyou doesn’t
deserve to be treated like this. He should be loved and treated gently by
someone with self-restraint that is sensitive to others emotions.
So that is what I’ll be.
I cleaned up the dishes angrily and took a steaming hot bath, scrubbing off all
of my dead skin with a pumice stone. I needed to wash away all of the bad so I
could become good. I stared at myself in the mirror after my bath, muttering to
myself what I will do to be a better boyfriend to Shouyou.
I laid in bed and stared up at the ceiling, my heart still aching. I felt like
somehow I betrayed Shouyou by leaving him, and in a way I probably did, but
that situation was too intense. Seeing Shouyou so out of it and hearing that
from him made me feel like I was being pushed back multiple steps. I need to
become better so that I can make Shouyou better.
I just wish that I could reverse time and save Shouyou before any of this
happened.
“Hello?” I called out quietly into the room and heard a groan. I took a step
forward and let the door shut behind me.
“Five more minutes,” I felt a small smile come to my face and I walked towards
the bed that Shouyou laid in. His hair was the only piece of him visible and
the rest of him was hidden under the blanket. I placed my hand where his
shoulder would be and shook it gently.
“Shouyou, you need to wake up,” he groaned again but began to sit up. I sat
down in the same chair from yesterday and waited as he sat up. Shouyou rubbed
his eyes and yawned, in the process he got tangled in the IV cords and the
wires connected to him. I helped untangle him and he stared at me with tired
eyes.
“Tobio?” I smiled and reached out and touched his hand.
“Morning sleepy head,” he sort of nodded and patted my hand. We sat there for a
second before a nurse walked in and checked his vitals. I asked her when
Shouyou could leave and she said he just needed a parent or guardian to sign
him out. I knew that Hinata-san would be here a little before noon and right
now it was around nine in the morning.
“‘M hungry,” I went and found a menu for Shouyou and he told me what he wanted
to eat so I went down to the cafeteria and got what he asked for, which was
chocolate pudding and apple juice. I also got him a sandwhich and some apple
slices so I could try and get something of use into him. When I got back he was
in the same spot but looked more awake and he thanked me for getting the food.
Shouyou ate a bite of the sandwich and two apple slices before he started
eating the pudding. He offered some to me and even though I said no he shoved
the spoon into my mouth. I watched him and took in his face as he pulled the
spoon away. There was no fire in his eyes and no smile on his mouth. Shouyou
stared at me blankly before returning to his pudding.
“How are you feeling today?” He shrugged and took another spoonful to his
mouth. He’s probably still drowsy from the medications. I talked a little bit
one-sidedly with him before he declared he was full and chugged the cup of
apple juice. He asked when his mother would be here and I told him, he sighed
and nodded. I think he doesn’t want me around right now but I couldn’t tell.
“Do you want me to ask Hinata-san to come earlier?” Shouyou actually looked at
me this time, not all dully like he did before.
“No, it’s fine. I’m just tired of hospitals. They make me feel trapped,” I felt
guilty again and reach out, hesitantly placing my hand on his. When he took my
hand I smiled slightly before it dropped; Shouyou wasn’t smiling.
We talked little and it was mostly me who started the conversations but after a
while Shouyou turned on the TV and kind of tunned me out. What reassured me was
that the whole time we sat there he held onto my hand. He never said anything
to me about yesterday or anything at all without me first saying something. I
sat there for a long time just watching TV with Shouyou until his mother would
come, and during the time he got up once to use the bathroom and I had to help
him with the IV bags and electrodes on his skin since he had to bring them with
him everywhere. He complained about the hospital gown and said he wanted his
old clothes back. So I went to a nurse and asked her and she gave me his
clothes, all fresh and clean. I thanked her and Shouyou was happy to change
back in them. They no longer had blood stains on them like I remembered but
that was okay. Shouyou played with the sweater he wore and I felt my chest
tighten. That was my sweater. Does he doubt our relationship so much that he
would not even wear my clothes? Then again he had a T-shirt under it and could
have just not put it on, but he could also be trying to hide it from me. Or
maybe he feels inclined to wear it because he is afraid of me? The thought made
my throat tighten and eyes water so I excused myself to calm down. I stared at
my reflection and unintentionally started to chatastrafize. The worst possible
thoughts ran through my mind and I picked out all of my flaws and reasons why I
don't deserve Shouyou.
He probably hates me.
"Tobio?" I wiped my tears away and opened the door to see Shouyou standing
there, supporting himself with the IV pole. He was clutching the cloth over his
chest and his eyes looked wide in concern. "Is everything okay?" He spoke
quietly and took half a step closer to me. I wanted to hold him but I couldn't
tell if that would be okay, so I just patted him on the shoulder with a smile.
"Yeah. I'm fine. TV?" He nodded and looked down.
"Okay, sure," Shouyou slipped out of my grip and walked back to the bed. I felt
bad because his shoulders slumped back in and once he sat down he just stared
at his lap. I asked what he felt like watching and he just shrugged his
shoulders. I fell silent, feeling guilty and hurt. I found the comedy channel
and leaned back in the chair. We sat silently a while before I heard Shouyou
shifting in the bed. I ignored it at first but it was really noisy so I looked
over to see him scooting away from me, does he really hate me that much? Our
eyes met and he blushed, looking down.
"Y-you can sit with me if you want," he sounded nervous but I couldn't help but
smile, as I stood up.
"I would love too," Shouyou nodded and I crawled into the bed, leaning against
it and tucking a pillow behind me. Shouyou shifted and leaned against my side
and almost instinctively I put my arm over his shoulder, forgetting that he
doesn't trust our relationship. It completely slipped my mind as we cuddled and
watched TV. I or Shouyou would laugh every once and a while when something
funny happened. A nurse walked in a few times to check Shouyou's vitals but we
were comfortable and only moved when they needed us to. We ended up watching TV
until Hinata-san showed up and Natsu was really happy to see Shouyou, but he
still seemed very inverted.
"I'm sorry, it's company policy," Shouyou and I sighed as he was forced to exit
the building in a wheel chair. I tried to tell them that he didn't need it but
that wasn't an option. I pushed him and Hinata-san talked to us about what kept
her up and asking how we were. Shouyou was quiet like usual and only talked
softly. I was getting used to him talking softly so whenever someone spoke
louder I would get startled. It's funny because I unintentionally started to
speak quieter as well; monkey see monkey do right?
"Where do you wanna go honey? Do you want to go home, go for lunch or hang out
at Tobio's house?" Hinata-san looked at Shouyou in the rearview mirror, who was
staring out the window in disinterest. I still sat next to him since I wasn't
sure what he wanted and he didn't seem to mind me being close to him. Shouyou
shrugged.
"Tobio's is fine," he spoke at the window and I was unsure if Hinata-san heard
him at first but then our eyes met in the mirror and she gave me a concerned
look before saying okay and continuing to drive. Natsu sat on the other side of
me and stared at me with an angry face. I think she might be blaming me for
Shouyou acting like this, but only recently is my fault, right?
"Please be careful boys, and Tobio?" I looked at Hinata-san's concerned face.
She began to speak in a smaller voice so only I heard. "Try to keep an eye on
Shouyou whenever you can, I can't continue seeing him get hurt like this when I
could have done something," I nodded and straightened my jaw, feeling a
familiar hand grab onto mine.
"I will do everything in my power," she smiled sadly before driving off and
leaving us alone again. I stood in the genkan awkwardly, unsure how I should
approach Shouyou. Lunch popped back in my mind and I went to ask him what he
would like when he spoke up for the first time.
"I'm going to take a bath," I raised my eyebrows, worried that something could
happen when I was not around him but to nervous to ask if he would be okay. I
shrugged my shoulders.
"Whatever you want," we walked to my bedroom and he pulled some of his clothes
and my clothes from the closet as I sat on the bed and watched. When he went to
leave he looked back at me with a confused face.
"Aren't you going to join me?" Shouyou's voice wavered and I couldn't tell if
he wanted me to come or not. I awkwardly responded while standing up.
"If you want me too," he stared at me a moment before looking down and nodding
as he blushed. I grabbed some clothes without looking and followed Shouyou to
the bathroom. As we undressed I couldn't help but think about how fragile
Shouyou looked. His shoulders were thin and his stature was small. Most of his
bones were visible and white scars covered his body. I delicately took a patch
off of his chin and looked at the set of stitches in interest. There were eight
and they looked tight and delicate.
When I was sitting and washing my legs I felt Shouyou begin to scrub my back
and it made me stop a moment before smiling. It's a step forward in some
direction.  He let me wash his back as well before we both got in the bath. I
was surprised at how hot it was and would have asked if it could be cooler but
the relaxed look on his face made me stop. Our shoulders barely touched in the
bath and we didn't speak. I just enjoyed being by Shouyou and being safe.
Shouyou sat on the counter as I made us dinner/lunch. I just made noodles
because I was to tired to make anything else and it was a good comfort food.
What bothered me was that Shouyou didn't try to steal any food or make jokes or
talk to me. We ate dinner in silence but still sat next to each other and our
knees touched but only barely. Shouyou quietly put the dishes away and avoided
getting me to help him which hurt my heart. When I asked he said he just wanted
to go to bed so I went in with him and made the futon because I wasn't sure if
he wanted to sleep next to me or not.
Shouyou climbed in the bed like usual and I went to brush my teeth. The light
was off when I got back and I crawled into the futon with an aching heart and
watering eyes. I was trying to fall asleep and I laid there for a while before
I heard Shouyou move.
"Are you awake?" I didn't have the heart to say yes and I was curious at what
he would do so I stayed silent. Shouyou called my name once before moving again
so he was kneeling beside me. My eyes were closed and I feigned sleep as I felt
Shouyou lightly touch my face.
"Why are you ignoring me?" His voice was raw and I could hear the pain behind
it as he stroked my cheek lightly. "Is it because I'm confused? Does it anger
you that I don't know how I love you? Are you upset because I just want to be
with you with or without love? What did I do to make you hate me?" I heard him
sniffle and felt his hand stop moving and tense up. "Maybe I shouldn't be here.
Maybe I should just go away. It would be better for everyone if I just stopped
being," I felt my heart breaking again and I sat up, capturing him in a hug as
I too cried.
"Please don't say that," Shouyou was tense and didn't respond at first. "Please
Shouyou, I would never hate you. I love you, I really really do! I knew you
were confused and I didn't want to confuse you more so I tried not to overwhelm
you," he started hugging me back while I ranted and snivelled and squeezed him
and kissed his head. "I'm so sorry that I ignored you, I didn't mean to hurt
you baby. I just love you so much," I contained a sob and whispered another "I
love you" into Shouyou's ear as his face pressed into my neck and his tears
wetted my shirt.
"I love you too... I l-love everything about you, because I feel so safe and
happy with you Tobio. I just didn't know if it was okay to love you like that,"
I kissed him again and rocked him in my arms as we squeezed each other.
"Oh honey, its okay. I'm sorry I didn't realize that I confused you. I promise
to always be there for you when you need me okay?" He hiccuped and nodded.
“Okay, okay,” I felt Shouyou put a hand in my hair and hold onto me tighter. We
stayed like that for a long time and my eyes grew heavy as well as my body. I
don’t remember when but we both ended up under the futon covers and snuggled up
tightly. I woke up and was confused about how we got there at first but gave up
on questioning it when I felt Shouyou wrap his arms around me and pull me back
to him. I had learned that Shouyou moved around and talked a lot in his sleep,
sometimes I would have conversations with him without realizing that he was
asleep. Another time I woke up to find Shouyou sleepwalking down the hall and I
had to guide him back to the bedroom.
I awoke before the sun rose with sore eyes and a headache forming behind my
eyes. I think the stress is finally hitting me. Shouyou was gone and before I
could get up the door opened up and he stumbled back in, mumbling a
“goodmorning” and that he went to use the bathroom. I laid there and watched as
Shouyou fell back to sleep, holding onto my arm tightly, like it was a life-
line. He snored lightly and smacked his lips in his sleep before rolling over
and hugging a pillow, freeing me. I went to the kitchen and stared at the
counter a while before making some tea and sitting at the couch to stare at the
blank screen in thought.
Saturday night I got a call from Detective Niyosaka telling us that our case
would be held in court on Tuesday. I called Hinata-san and we both got the day
off for us and Shouyou. Then I called the team and despite saying it wasn’t
necessary the whole team was coming to defend Shouyou. I also received a call
from Shouyou’s lawyer; his name was Kyo Noyami and has been working in court
for seven years, has his PhD and studied law in America, I was pleased that we
have an experienced Lawyer but I’m concerned that the defense attorney will be
more experienced and sneakier.
I drank through the pot of tea and when the second one was ready Shouyou walked
into the kitchen yawning and asking if we could have pancakes again. I set him
down with a cup of fresh tea and began to make breakfast. When I checked the
clock it was 7:24 and I was surprised that Shouyou was up this early on a
weekend, he usually slept in and I would wake him up before ten. Not paying
attention to what I was doing I accidentally cracked an egg straight onto the
counter and I had to clean it up.
“”Where’s the pain medicine?” I mixed in the milk and flour with the eggs,
butter, sugar and vanilla.
“Under the bathroom sink,” the whisk felt comfortable in my hand and I stirred
quickly as Shouyou went to get the medicine. His chin was probably hurting and
woke him up. I hummed tunelessly and started to pour the batter out onto the
frying pans. I used two so that I could make the pancakes faster. Shouyou
returned to the kitchen and poured himself another cup of tea before sitting on
the counter by the stove.
“Watch out, it’s hot,” he made a noise and as I finished the first pancake he
stole it from the turner and ate it plain. I scowled and slapped him on the
knee. “Wait until we get to the table dobe,” Shouyou rolled his eyes and gave
me a piece which I ate gratefully before returning to the pancakes. He didn’t
steal any more pancakes and I made sure to give him a big stack once they were
ready. We quickly tucked in the pancakes and then proceeded to lounge around
the house for the rest of the day. I was glad that the air was cleaned up
between us but I could still feel some of the hesitation. Shouyou would drop
little hints about what he wanted instead of asking or doing it. Like when we
were cuddling on the couch he wanted to sit differently and so he began to
shift slowly into the new position and after a while I figured out what he was
hinting at and moved with him.
“You could have just asked buddy,” I had said and Shouyou just blushed and
looked away mumbling incoherently. I laughed at first because his reaction was
adorable but his constant hesitance was depressing. Though I didn’t mention it
since I didn’t want to upset him.
The phone Began to ring and we both tensed before I went to answer it. Shouyou
followed and watched as I answered it.
"Hello?"
"Kageyama Tobio? This is Detective Niyosaka," I straightened up and gripped the
phone tightly.
"Yes, hello. What seems to be the problem?" Shouyou shifted closer and
hesitantly took my hand as a look of concern crossed his face. I smiled
reassuringly and squeezed his hand.
"I was just going to let you know that today the police are coming over to
inspect you and Hinata's houses. I advise you to not interfere and leave
nothing hidden. It won't help your case if you try to hide something. Goodbye,"
I slowly set the phone back in its place and pulled Shouyou to me. He hugged
back before asking what the matter was. I shook my head and kissed his
forehead.
"We just have a long day ahead of us."
***** Hinata *****
I tried to keep myself from twisting my hands or clothes as we waited for the
court room to fill. Oikawa was sitting less than 20 feet from me and I could
feel his eyes piercing through my skull. I didn't look at him. I was sitting
with my lawyer alone because Tobio is just a witness. He was sitting behind me
with the rest of the team and my mom. She left Natsu at daycare because she
didn't want her to have to hear this, and she would get bored. I didn't ask to
have Oikawa look away because I was too scared, and I knew he would only enjoy
my fear more if I gave in.
"Order, may I please have order," the judge waited for everyone to take a seat
and quiet before taking a seat herself. "If the attorneys could may present
their cases," the lawyer next to me stood up and I wasn't sure if I should
stand as well so I stayed sitting as he walked up to the juror.
"Ladies and gentlemen, that boy right there is fifteen years old, plays
volleyball, and has a wonderful family and group of friends. At the age of
thirteen he met that man," he pointed to Oikawa for a moment who was smiling.
"And was raped by him," he paused as some people gasped and others shook their
heads. "And for the past two years that man has continued to rape and abuse
this boy even though he did nothing at all to deserve this. It wasn't until
recently that this was discovered because this poor boy has been terrified that
his family will die by his hands since this man said if he were to tell anyone
that the boy would have to kill his loving mother and baby sister. Please help
us put this man in prison so that this wonderfully talented boy can feel safe.
Thank you," he bowed and returned to my side giving me a smile.
"The defending attorney may now state his case," the judge nodded and our eyes
met for a moment.
"Right," the black haired man stood up and straightened his tie as he
approached the juror with a warm smile. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is Oikawa
Toru, seventeen years old, captain of his volleyball team and a brilliant
player. Two years ago he met the boy Hinata by chance and the two began to
practice volleyball together. Oikawa fell in love and asked out this boy, who
admitted that he loved him as well. They have been dating since. Recent events
though have stopped this loving relationship when his underclassmen stole his
boyfriend and accused Oikawa of abusing Hinata. He tried to resolve this but it
was brought to the police and now they have falsely accused him of rape and
abuse to the man he loved. Please let his love stay real, thank you," I
clenched my fist and I knew that Tobio was glaring at Oikawa. I hope they don't
break out into a fight.
"We now shall bring the first witness to the stand. Hinata Shouyou, if you
please."
“R-right," I stood up and walked slowly to the stands, trying to take deep
breaths as I felt hundreds of eyes following me. I sat down at the stand and
swore to tell the truth and everything I know. They let my Lawyer step forward
and he began the questioning.
"What exactly has brought you here today, Hinata-kun?"
"I've been ab-bused sexually and physically for the last two years," there were
murmurs from the crowed and they were called to order. I looked down at my lap
and wrung my hands together.
"And who has been abusing you?"
"O-oikawa Toru."
"And is that man Oikawa Toru?" He pointed at him and I looked up a moment as I
said yes before staring back at my lap. He continued to ask me various
questions and I answered them as honestly and detailed as I could. He told me
to use the terms "abuse" and "sexual" a lot when describing what he did to me
because it would make it more realistic and horrifying.
"Ma'am I'm finished with my questioning," he bowed to the judge who told him to
sit and had the other lawyer rise and approach me. He smiled warmly and I tried
not to meet his eyes but he was making an effort to keep eye contact.
"Hinata Shouyou, how are you?" I shifted in the chair, I didn't expect the
question.
"Nervous I guess," he nodded.
"Because of the case I presume?" I nodded and shakily answered. "Well then I'll
try to make this quick. Is it true that Oikawa asked you to be his boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"And is it true that you accepted this?" Again yes. I couldn't tell what angle
he was trying to come from. "Did the two of you ever  officially  break-up?" I
started to scratch my wrists.
"No, we didn't," I frowned at my lap. What is he playing at?
"So is it true that you are now dating you teammate and classmate Kageyama
Tobio?" My eyes widened. Why did he mention Tobio?
"Y-yes, we are."
"So Kageyama-kun stole you from Oikawa?" I scratched my wrists harder and felt
them grow warm.
"I wouldn't say it that way."
"But it  did  happen, correct?" I breathed in shakily.
"Yes."
"And he is aware of your abuse? Was it you who told him about this?" I shook my
head and frowned.
"No. Tobio found out by himself..." What's he getting at? My heart beat was
speeding up.
"And it was  Tobio  who convinced you to tell the police and your friends and
family about this, correct?"
"Yes..." I was hesitant and continued cautiously. "But I was too scared... so
Tobio told most of them for me. He's been helping me through this," were they
trying to blame Tobio? I looked up towards Tobio and our eyes met. He nodded
and smiled in encouragement. I gave him a small smile back.
"Alright. So he has been helping you, yes? Then why is it that you have been
staying with him so much? I've been told that for a long time you would go to
and from school with him as well as eat lunch together. They also said you have
been sleeping over at his house quite often. More often than usual friends or
boyfriends. Why is that?" I felt some anger swell up as I squeezed my wrist and
glared at him.
"Tobio would never hurt me! He has been taking care of me and helping me
through bad times! If it weren't for him I would have killed myself already! I
love him and -"
"But you also loved Oikawa, correct?" My rage subsided into confusion again.
"I guess I did... But just for a while! I don't love him anymore," he nodded.
"One more question. How long have you known Kageyama-kun?" I quirked my
eyebrows in question.
"I've known him for just these first few months of school," he sat back down
and I was allowed to take my seat again. I stared at my lap as they took turns
questioning Oikawa. He denied hurting me every time and it made Tobio furious,
at least I think it did. I wish he was here next to me because I would feel so
much better.
Then it was Tobio's turn at the stand. I barely listened to him and my Lawyer
talking but instead listened closely to the defending lawyer speak to him.
"You are Hinata Shouyou's boyfriend, correct?"
"How long you would say you have known Hinata-kun?"
"Over a year and a half? Well that doesn't match with what Hinata-kun said.
Please, tell us about this," I felt my shoulders shake slightly. I could see
what they were doing and it made me want to strangle him. I've never felt this
way before but hearing him accuse Tobio of abusing me made my stomach boil in
anger and my body shake in rage as my face heated up.
"How did you two end up at the same school, I highly doubt it was chance, was
it?"
"So you followed him because it was " love at first sight " you say? I hear
that you have hundreds of photos of Hinata-kun in your room, all he was unaware
were being taken. Do you deny this?" He displayed pictures of his closet with
all of the photos taken at different angles. Tobio was mad and I could tell he
figured out what was going on too.
"No I do not," I was surprised by the calm in his voice and when I looked he
was wearing a confident expression with his chin jutting out. I don't think the
lawyer liked his reaction.
"Please then tell us  why  you have so many pictures of him? Most taken before
you two started dating," I could hear his smirk but when I looked he was just
smiling calmly like he was well in control of the situation. I saw his teeth
clench in anger. It's okay Tobio just tell the truth.
"I was very interested in him. I wanted to know everything about him and
remember all of his faces so that I could understand him better," I saw
confidence in his eyes but the smirk I saw on the defending attorneys face made
me think otherwise. I wanted to yell, I wanted to warn Tobio that it was a
trap, but I couldn’t. I felt Oikawa’s eyes burning holes into me and they sent
horrible shivers down my spine. My hands wouldn’t stop shaking and my throat
was tight. When I tried to take a drink from the water placed at the table I
accidentally dropped the glass; the whole court room grew quiet as the glass
shattered and all eyes drew to my hunched figure.
This was too much. Just too much. They couldn’t take Tobio away from me after I
just realized that he is everything. It felt like I was going to explode and I
needed to get away, right now. Without thinking twice I jumped up from my seat
and sprinted towards the door. There were shouts behind me and some guards
tried to ask what was wrong but I brushed past them and ran through the oak
double-doors. I searched frantically for the restroom and sprinted towards it
when I heard someone coming up behind me followed by shouts and commotion.
I didn’t bother to lock the stall door because once I got to the toilet my
stomach spilled out its contents without hesitation. Tears and snot mixed with
my puke and I heaved in pain while hugging the toilet bowl as I continued to
empty my stomach even when there was nothing left but bile. It burned my throat
and brought more tears to my eyes as my cries mixed with the coughing and
gagging.
A hand lightly touched my shoulder and I still heard people yelling but it
sounded quieter and there was a pounding noise. Maybe that was just my heart.
The person rubbed my back and wiped the snot and puke from my face as I stopped
heaving, not because I felt better but because there wasn’t even bile left to
throw up. After collecting myself I turned to face them when their hand slipped
down to my butt and the other to my belt. I could only freeze in fear as a
familiar voice whispered into my ear.
“So nice to be with you again,  Shouyou ,” I wanted to scream, to push him off
but I was panicking and my chest began to hurt as I started breathing faster.
My pants and undergarments were pushed down to my knees and calloused hands
massaged my bottom. I felt my heart stopping when his buckle clicked and I
swear the sound of the zipper echoed through the bathroom.
“I would  love  to hear your sweet voice call to me again before I go. Would
you do the honors?” I didn’t even scream as the pain flamed up. My whole body
grew heavy as I was pushed to the ground and I was pounded into. Hot tears ran
down my face as I tried fruitlessly to push myself up or pull away or anything.
“Come on,  babe . I wanna hear you scream!” He stopped a moment and chuckled
before I felt the breath against my ear. The booming sound continued but I
could barely hear the shouts anymore. “What if I did this to your sweet  Tobio
?” I felt something snap and I pushed myself up and opened my mouth to yell an
insult when he smashed my head back into the ground and pounded away again.
This time I cried freely and my throat couldn’t hold my voice back anymore even
though I wanted to. My cries fueled his ego and determination to fuck me hard
enough to make me pass out. He grunted and started to move his hands from my
waist closer and closer, making my body shake when-
The was a loud crashing noise and I heard him swear as he pulled away and
zipped his pants. He hefted me up around the chest and I tried to fight him but
the blade he pulled out made me freeze. I had seen this blade before. It was
made of bone and undetectable by metal detectors. It was one of his favorites
to torture me with, and I sadly remembered every time the blade was used, even
in the incredibly undesirable places.
The blade was pressed to my neck as he held me up so I dangled in his arms in
fear. I heard the stall doors being kicked open and footsteps pounding against
the ceramic tile floor, and as they got closer the knife was pressed harder
into my skin. The door was kicked down and armed men pointed their guns at
Oikawa, who moved so that I covered his body. Detective Tachibana stepped in
with a handgun and pointed it at Oikawa with a stern face. His eyes flicked
over to meet mine for a moment before returning to Oikawa. My tormentor laughed
and jerked the knife slightly so blood began to pour out and stain my pristine
clothes. It made me feel numb but I was in no way any less calm than I was
seconds ago.
“Put the boy down, or I’ll shoot,” he snorted at the detective and rubbed the
knife gently (if you could call it that) across my neck in a threatening
motion. I felt my pants slip further down so they were only held up by my
ankles, and I was able to muster up enough courage and pride to tug my shirt
down to cover myself as much as possible.
“Well we  all  know that you wouldn’t shoot when there isn’t an open shot, so
why don’t we stop it with the bluff and talk business,” I heard the lid of the
toilet behind us slam shut and Oikawa sat down, pulling me into his lap close
enough that I could feel his heart beat through my spine. He used his now free
hand to trail lines up and down my exposed thighs, it made me cringe and shiver
while silent tears continued to plop. The detective lowered the gun slightly
and scowled.
“What do you want?” It was demanding and the questioning tone was almost
missing but it made Oikawa smirk, I could tell by the way his hands began to
slide in between my thighs and rub the sensitive flesh only inches away from my
privates. This obviously annoyed the detective and other men because they all
simultaneously tensed and gained a firmer grip on their weapons; but that was
exactly what Oikawa wanted. To entice further annoyance he pulled my legs apart
slightly while using the knife the cut the buttons off of my jacket and dress
shirt. The buttons clinked against the ground one by one as Oikawa humed and
thought.
“I want free and  safe  passage out of here to America with absolutely  no
tricks  or else little Shou-chan will be the next to be grieved,” the detective
moved closer slightly and Oikawa was quick to press the blade hard against my
neck again.
“And in exchange you will hand over the boy and admit to your crimes?” Oikawa
snorted and his chest rumbled against my back. I wanted Tobio but it didn’t
even feel like my body was real none the less alive. It always felt like this
when Oikawa touched me and I hated how weak I felt around him. I wanted to be
strong yet here I am crying helplessly while I do nothing as my tormentor
molests me in front of the police.
“Oh I admit to my crimes completely, I just wanted to see if I could get Shou-
chan riled up enough to bolt somewhere unguarded so I could jump him again.
It’s just so much fun, you see? Never before Shou-chan did I think that I could
get such a boner from a little boy’s screams,” now the police officer was
pissed, and I saw him make a small motion with his hands as Oikawa continued to
talk. I watched some of the men break away from the group and could see their
feet entering the stalls on either sides of us. They peeked out from the bottom
and top of the stalls with their guns aimed.
“And you will give us the boy back, yes?”
“Yes, but,” he lifted my chin up with the knife so I could only see the ceiling
and the two men atop the stalls who nodded to me. “You must meet  my  terms
first,” I saw them tense and I heard the sound of a gunshot before tensing up
and closing my eyes, to be greeted with a sudden numbness in my arm. An
unintentional scream ripped from my body and I shook away from Oikawa quickly
before falling to the ground and holding myself. I couldn’t see, couldn’t hear
what was going on, but the commotion was clear. Something was draped over my
shoulders and people tried to get me to move, or to let them look me over, but
I wouldn’t let them. I knew I was losing consciousness but I wouldn’t let that
happen. Oikawa’s too close, too close, too close, too close, too…
“Shouyou…” I couldn’t see but the blur in front of me was obviously a face. I
winced when a hand touched my cheek but soon leaned into it, recognizing the
familiar calluses and texture.
“To’io…” I yawned and flinched internally at the pain that began to throb. I
felt so tired. “‘m slee’y,” my words slurred though the pain and I felt
darkness surround me as a fearful shout reached my ears. I hope when I wake up
everything would be better.
***** Kageyama *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Seeing him reduced to a state like this made me mad, and I mean really mad.
What made the rage all the more powerful was seeing that smug look across his
face as panic fell upon us. The bastard was being restrained by the officers
and I took the opening as an invitation. Blinded by the boiling rage, I could
feel my knuckles split as there was a very obvious crunch of bone and cartilage
being smashed.
“HEY!” My ears rang from the shout of the detective in my ear, but seeing the
blood gushing from Oikawa’s stupid nose on his stupid face made me feel better.
I let myself be pulled back and shoved towards a chair as the people fled from
the room. But I didn’t hesitate to push past the people so I could join Hinata-
san and Shouyou in the ambulance. Officers tried to push me away but I shook
them off, and it took the pleading of Hinata-san to keep them from pulling me
away from my love.
I gripped his hand tightly in mine as he cried silently while the medics took
care of him. Seeing him flinch at their touches made my stomach churn and I
tried not to let loose my anger on the paramedics when Shouyou flinched, cried,
whimpered, or when they asked me to move out of their way as they started to
clean the bullet wound in his shoulder. Just the thought that Shouyou was shot
made me want to cry and scream at the same time. It was another thing to add to
my list of horrible things I never thought would happen to Shouyou.
I watched him bite back a scream and felt his nails pierce the flesh in my hand
as they cut off the fabric around the wound and disinfected the skin. I tried
to help him in any way I could. Wiping tears from his face as he cried and let
out sobs of pain. I didn’t even realize that I had started crying until Shouyou
moved his hand out of mine and touched my face, mumbling something about me
having no reason to cry before letting his hand drop as he fell unconscious.
Panic ripped through me and I screamed his name out, gripping his hand tightly.
“Get back!” I was shoved out of the way and Hinata-san held me back as she
sobbed; I couldn’t move, I was frozen in my spot. The tears that ran down my
face didn’t express how I am feeling, I don’t even know how I am feeling. The
world blurred around me and my body felt numb. The only thing I could hear is
the sound of my frantic heartbeat slamming in my skull. I was dimly aware of
what was going on. Something was wrong, something was horribly wrong. I wanted
to move, to help, but my body fell limp in Hinata-san’s grasp and she hugged me
tightly, cradling my head against her chest and pressing kisses to my forehead,
mumbling words of reassurance. To me or her I wasn’t sure.
People moved around frantically and I was dragged out of the ambulance and
shoved down into a chair, a blanket being draped over my shoulders. My hands
laid limply in my lap as I stared down at them, watching in fascination as
water trickled down onto them. A hand took mine and squeezed it tightly in
theirs. I just sat there, clinging to the hand that clung to mine, trying to
forget the image that flashed through my brain. It made me shiver and feel
weak, so very weak and vulnerable. I didn’t realize that I had started sobbing
until the hands began to rub my back soothingly and I was pulled against
someone in a hug.
I felt so useless and worthless. All I’ve done so far is make everything worse.
Because of me Shouyou got shot and could be dieing right now and here I am
crying like a little baby. I don’t deserve his love. He deserves someone much
better.
I could no longer see anything around me and the sounds around me faded as my
body completely went numb, the only thing I could feel being my heart and the
immense aching in my chest. It was like something was growing inside me,
leeching away at my energy like a parasite, and me, its host. The world was
jumbled and chaotic, making my head pound and my body go limp, my neck ceasing
to function causing my head to lull to the side, like a newborn that has yet to
develop any muscles in the area. It seemed kind of funny really and I couldn’t
understand why. The blood gushing and pounding in my ears leading me into a
somnolent state, unable to think clearly or even be aware of myself.
The world seemingly futile and myself, a disappointment. Why should I hold
importance in this world if I am incapable of protecting someone I love and
care for? What is there to a bond without reassurance and the ability to
protect? A lover is supposed to be there to comfort and assist their partner,
and how have I possibly achieved that? Hinata-san said that I deserve to care
for Shouyou more than she does, but I do not believe her. I wasn’t there to
protect him when he was hurt, and it doesn’t matter if I was oblivious or not,
it’s all my fault that things got this bad. If only I could do something to
stop this from ever happening. Even though I know Shouyou would hate to hear
this, I admit that I would give my life for him, hell, I would do anything for
him as long as he was safe and happy. I don’t care that I lied to the detective
about it because if I didn’t, who knows where I would be right now and how
Shouyou would be.
The thoughts ran through my head, clear enough for me to feel the painful
emotions but not enough to understand the meaning behind it. The sounds around
me were nonexistent, only the painful cries that I had heard from my beloved as
he endured pain over and over again. I felt my heart being squeezed and the
pain in my chest increased, it felt nearly unbearable but I was too weak to
move or respond. My body felt limp but my muscles ached like they were tense,
my lungs felt weak, my stomach held a throbbing pain that made me want to
vomit, and I felt lightheaded and dizzy as the nausea continued to grow and
make my mouth feel dry.
I’m sick.
Those words rang clearly through my head and made me want to laugh, but my
throat had tightened and made it even harder to breath, letting me only take
quick, short breaths that only made the dizziness worse. Here I am worrying
over a little stomach bug and heartburn while Shouyou is in surgery because he
just got freaking shot. I’m such a great boyfriend. My train of thought was
interrupted as I felt the familiar bitter taste of bile in my throat before I
lurched forward, my abdomen and throat tightening as any food I had eaten was
forced out. I was dimly aware of the disgusting splat it made and the sudden
warmth on my left shoe before my body tensed again as more came up. The taste
was horrendous and I could feel my sinuses emptying out too as snot was
unceremoniously shot from my nose. Ah, what a lovely image. If only Shouyou
could see me now to witness his failure of a boyfriend as he was vomiting and
sobbing like a baby.
A part of me felt angry with myself for acting so pitiful, but it was easily
squashed by the weight of depression that nearly crushed me as I choked for
air. This pain is probably nothing compared to what Shouyou has gone through,
or maybe it is everything. Maybe this is what I deserve for causing Shouyou so
much pain. So much pain. It hurts, it hurts so much. I just want to sleep. It
hurts. It hurts.
It hurts so, so much.
--
Everything hurt.
It hurt to breathe and my body hurt even though I had yet to even move it. I
didn’t want to open my eyes because even without using them it felt as if the
sun was burning a hole into them; it was worse than any migraine I had ever
experienced before and it made me want to vomit. Even though it hurt, I wanted
to sit up, I wanted to go and do something but my head was too foggy to
remember. I tried to sit up anyways but even the slight tightening of my
abdomen sent waves of pain through my body and I couldn’t help but groan and
whimper as I fell back against the bed. The IV needle in my arm itched but I
was in too much pain to try to scratch it, none the less even move my arm. The
beeping and whirring of machinery only made my headache worse and I just wanted
to go back to sleep, but now that I was awake the pain made it nearly
impossible to do so, and I wanted to see Shouyou before I do.
My eyes snapped open and I sprung up in bed, groaning instantly and curling
over to hold my stomach, trying to even out my breathing as I glanced around
the hospital room. That’s what I forgot. I cursed myself for being so stupid as
to forget about Shouyou even for a minute, and tried to push myself out of the
hospital bed, biting down on my lip hard to keep the groan in as my whole body
screamed at me to stop.
“You know, I knew that you were stubborn but I didn’t think you were this
stubborn, Tobio,” I stopped for a moment and turned my head slightly, finding
the slightly blurry outline of who seemed to be my father sitting in the chair
next to my bed.
“Da…” my mouth was dry and throat sore like I had just been screaming. I could
hear him make a disapproving noise and shake his head. “Wha’ happ’n’?”
“What happened was you threw up all over the lobby room floor and then fainted
like a wuss. You better be glad that me and your mom took today off or else we
would’ve been the ones to clean up your barf, and it would be you payin’ us
back for it,” I almost chuckled but it turned into a cough. I hadn’t even
realised that we ended up at the hospital where my mom and dad worked at. Guess
I was too worked up to notice.
“Wha’ ‘bout Sho-”
“Your boyfriend’s right over there, but you were to busy freakin’ out to even
notice. And I thought I raised you better than this,” his words didn’t register
as I staggered over the the other side of the room with the IV drip dragging
behind me, pulling on the needle in my arm uncomfortably; ripping the curtain
to the side before falling to my knees at the side of the bed, feeling relief
wash over me as I took Shouyou’s pale hand in mine, pressing it to my face as
my shoulders drooped slightly. I gripped it tightly in mine, finding comfort
and reassurance in the subtle warmth that came from it. Despite not wanting to,
my eyes traveled up his arm and to the wound in his right shoulder, that was
his spiking arm; I could only imagine how broken up Shouyou would be if he
couldn’t play anymore. It was covered in thick white bandages, I was hesitant
to hear what the damage was.
“The kid went straight into surgery when he got here. Thankfully the bullet was
still intact and they didn’t find any stray fragments on the scans. It was
imbedded in his subscapular fossa and had caused a comminuted fracture in his
cono- basically he fractured his clavicle and shoulder blade. The bones were
set and metal plates were implanted; he’s damn lucky that there was no
shrapnel, and even luckier that it didn’t sever any major arteries.”
“I gotta say this Tobio, your boyfriend there is just as stubborn as you are.
And I hate to say this, but you would find out somehow; when you two were on
your way here his heart gave out,” I felt my own heart stop as I squeezed the
hand tighter, trying to contain the sobs that I knew would come. “It seems that
all that strain on him finally took its toll, and I am damn happy that the
bastard is finally in jail where he belongs.”
“Yeah…” my mouth was dry and it was hard to swallow, the new information
jumbled around inside of my head, “... me too.” I licked my lips and sighed,
rubbing Shouyou’s hand against my face in a vain attempt of comfort. It was
colder than normal, almost like he was dead, but the constant beeping of the
heart monitor let that thought slip away, because everything is over now. It’s
all going to end up okay; Shouyou and I have made it through this mess alive,
and what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? I wanted to laugh at the
stupid saying, but going into hysterics would only make everything worse for
Shouyou, he has to come first, above everything else.
“I’m goin’ to get you something to eat, kid. Try not to push yourself too hard,
he needs you in one piece, Tobio,” the soft swish of the door closing barely
reached me as I brushed kisses against Shouyou’s pale hand. The stark white
coloring of the hospital sheets made him look even more sickly. I glanced up at
the IV drip, there was a bag of O- blood hanging next to the bag of fluids. I
wonder what blood type Shouyou and I are. How much blood did he lose? Now that
I think about it, I can’t remember noticing Shouyou bleeding or if any got on
me. I’m such an idiot. How long is Shouyou going to be asleep? He almost looks
like porcelain like this; pale and smooth like glass, fragile to the touch,
ready to shatter with the slightest of nudges. It almost makes me let go of his
hand, but my body’s gone heavy and won’t cooperate. I feel tired again even
though I just woke up. A little bit of rest should be okay, right?
Yeah, I need to be there for Shouyou when he wakes up, in one piece so I can
help him get better. If I was a mess as well nothing would get better.
I felt my eyes droop and my shoulders hunch in as I fumbled around for a chair,
still holding his hand tightly in mine. The stiff texture of the chair was
anything but comfortable, and it felt even worse through the thin hospital gown
I wore. My upper body practically flopped onto the bed; I barely had enough
strength to avoid jostling Shouyou, it hurt to keep my eyes open, none the less
think. The bed sheets lacked any smell, I couldn’t smell Shouyou from the
position either. It would be nice to lay next to him, but the bed was small,
and I didn’t want to irritate his wound. Besides, I can’t even really feel my
body anymore. Completely numb and immobile, a faint ringing growing in my ears
that made me want to cringe. An ache forming in my shoulder making me want to
shift, yet I no longer have control over my own body. I would have panicked,
and I felt a slight surge of adrenaline, but the exhaustion won over. Taking me
deeper into darkness but still somewhat aware. Not really sleeping, not really
awake. Barely a state that made me feel as if I was even real or if everything
was an allusion and we had never existed in the first place.
Ah yes, the time to wander through my mind and reminisce in the philosophical
meanings in life during an existential crisis. What a time to be alive. What a
time. But is time even relevant; is it even true? Or is it just a way for us to
try and have some sort of control over our irrational and miserable lives? Are
we ever really in control of things, or is our life already set in stone, the
fate given to us when we are born. Is this “fate” even fair or logical?
Condemning some people to lives of depression and pain, others with happiness
and foolhardy activity. Meaning that there was no way for me to stop Shouyou’s
pain from ever happening in the first place; that his pain was necessary for
him to grow or mature.
But that’s not fair at all.
It’s really not.
--
My nose itched, but I didn’t move to scratch it; it would only make me more
awake. Instead, I scrunched my face up and tried to wiggle it around, hopefully
satisfying the itch. Something brushed against my ear and my head jerked.
Probably just a fly. It brushed by my ear again and this time I swatted at it,
slapping at my ear just in case. Damn flies. A jingling noise resounded in my
ears, amplified and making my head hurt. I groaned and pulled my hands to my
ears to block out the noise.
“Five more minutes.”
“Bu’ To’iooooo,” the whining rang in my ears and I sat up, groaning as my back
cracked from sleeping in the awkward position.
“Damn it, I shouldn’t of slept like that.”
“To’io’s silly.”
“No I’m not, Shouyou.” My eyes snapped open, head jerking to stare in shock as
Shouyou stared at me with droopy eyes. “Shouyou… you’re-”
“Hungry,” the way he said the “r” made it sound like a “w”, slurring and
stumbling over his words as he tried to speak coherently. “‘m hungry, To’io.
Can we ge’ eggs ‘n rice?” Shouyou smiled sleepily as he stuck his hand into my
hair, seemingly entranced by the strands as he played with them. I leaned into
his hand, trying to keep the tears from coming to my eyes again.
“Yeah, anything for you, Shouyou.”
“M’kay,” I just sat there for awhile as his fingers combed through my hair,
massaging my scalp, making relief I haven’t felt in forever flood through my
body. Everything is over. We’re okay. We’re alive. We have each other and
that’s fine. That’s all I need. If he’s good, I’m good, and we are good. “Why
do I feel so fuzzy? Hey, To’io, do you know?” Shouyou’s voice cracked slightly
in fear and I reached up to wrap my hand around the one clutching to my hair so
tightly it hurt. I didn’t pull it away though, no strength was in me to do so;
it felt like I could sleep for ages, as if the weight of the world has been
lifted from me for the first time and I can just float away in peace.
“It’s just some medicine; don’t worry, you’ll be better soon, Shouyou.”
“That’s good… and you’ll be be’er, too,” I choked out a laugh, bringing the
hand to my face and kissing it as the tears wouldn’t stop. I’ll cry until I’ve
cried for every battle Shouyou has ever faced alone and afraid.
“That’s right, Shouyou. We’ll get better, we’re good.”
Shouyou made a noise and smiled at me, unshed tears sparkling in his eyes as he
rubbed his good hand against my cheek. I saw his adam’s apple bob as Shouyou
swallowed, clearing his throat. He smacked his lips together for a moment
before opening his mouth as if to say something, just for me to be met with a
loud belch. I couldn’t help wrinkling my nose in disgust as he giggled and
smacked his chapped lips together again.
“That’s gross, Shouyou.”
“Yeah, yeah. Can I have wa’er? ‘M thirsty,” he pulled his hand back to rub his
throat, scrunching his eyebrows together to make a flat line. I blinked and
stared at him blankly, then, shaking my head, pushed myself up on wobbly legs.
Nearly falling, I grabbed my IV pole, proceeding to shuffle slowly over to a
table at the side of my bed that had a pitcher and glass stationed on it.
Thankfully, the table had wheels, so I brought it back over to the side of
Shouyou’s bed before sitting down and pouring a cup.
“Careful, take small sips,” Shouyou hummed and grasped at the glass as I held
it out for him. The glass almost slipped and plummeted to the ground, but I
hadn’t completely let go of it, so I caught it before we made a mess. Shouyou
smiled at me as I helped him bring the glass to his lips and drink. “Ah ah ah,
small sips, Shouyou,” I pulled the glass back gently as he tried to gulp it
down and he huffed, mumbling nonsense under his breath before taking a sip. My
body still felt stiff and sore, and I could probably fall over into a deep
slumber at any moment, but I have responsibilities to Shouyou. He needs me. I
can’t just let him suffer being alone again, without someone who understands
him.
“Oh good, you boys are awake!” I glanced over at the nurse, staring at him for
a moment before blinking and bringing my eyes back onto my boyfriend. “How are
you feeling, Hinata? On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your pain?” He
bussied himself by checking different monitors and Shouyou’s blood pressure
before asking the question. When Shouyou just looked at him weirdly the nurse
smiled gently and pulled out a little chart with different smiley faces above
the numbers one to ten.
“Do you think you can point at one of the faces to show how you’re feeling?”
Shouyou stared at me then at the chart, eventually lifting his good arm up and
slapping his hand on the chart so it fell on the floor, giggling and snorting
as the nurse scrambled to pick it up. I put my hand on Shouyou’s leg, a frown
evident on my face. I really am not in the mood to deal with anything other
than Shouyou at the moment.
“Shou, are you hurting?” He shook his head slowly, trying to simultaneously
wipe the drool off his face and take my hand again. I wiped the drool off
myself, snorting when he took the opportunity to lick my hand. “Gross,” he blew
a raspberry at me. “Do you still feel fuzzy?”
“Ya-hm,” he nodded, half-listening as he played with my fingers. I looked over
at the nurse. He had been fidgeting awkwardly to the side, casting us wayward
glances. We met eyes and I stared him down, trying not to smile as he flinched
nervously.
“Could you get us a menu or something so we can have lunch?”
“O-of course, of course,” he smiled - more like cringed - and went to grab one,
returning a few seconds later with a laminated paper in hand. “Just call this
number on the phone to place your order when you’re ready and room service will
be with you as soon as possible.”
“Yeah,” I flipped the page over, quickly deciding what I would want and already
knowing that Shouyou wanted eggs with rice. Scooting the chair over by the
phone, I punched in the couple numbers before pressing the receiver to my ear.
“Customer service, how may I help you?”
“I would like to place an order for lunch.”
“Can I have the name?”
“Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shouyou.”
“Alright, and what would you like to order?”
“An order of curry and egg with rice-”
“I want chocolate pudding!” I cringed as Shouyou shouted in my ear.
“And two orders of chocolate pudding.”
“Right, your order will be ready in thirty minutes.” I hung up, turning to the
satisfied face of my boyfriend.
“Happy?”
“Nope,” he stuck out his hand in a grabby motion. “C’mere, wanna cuddle.” I
smiled sadly, shaking my head.
“I can’t, Shou, you’ll get hurt.”
“That’s stupid,” I snorted. Looking down, I mumbled under my breath.
“Yeah, it is stupid.”
Chapter End Notes
     Hey guys I am SO SORRY that I havent updater recently. So much has
     been going on and a few weeks ago I was unlucky enough to fall and
     break my back in two weeks. Thankfully though, I have my own laptop
     now and can work on my stories WHENEVER I WANT TO now.
     I just want you all to know that I am not giving up on this story and
     that I am trying my hardest to keep up with updates.
     Thank you so much to all who have left kudos and commented on my
     story. It makes me so happy that you like this story.
     I love you all.
     Ciao~
***** Hinata *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It hurts so fucking much.
I could barely move my body without a horrible flash of pain ripping through
me. It was my second day in the hospital and I’ve only gotten up once to go to
the bathroom. I would have gone more, because using a catheter is uncomfortable
and beyond embarrassing to the point where you couldn’t believe it, but the
pain is too much for the small relief of embarrassment. I found out on the
second day that Tobio had to stay at the hospital too, he said something about
getting stomach ulcers from all the stress and it made me feel really bad. It’s
my fault for putting all this stress on Tobio in the first place.
“The doctor suggests for both of you to start seeing a psychologist to help
with all the shit that’s been going on. And don’t even think about fighting me
on this, Tobio. I’ve already got enough shit to deal with because of you.”
“Honey! Don’t you dare be mad at Tobio for this, he was trying to protect his
frie- I mean boyfriend. Show some sympathy.”
Tobio’s parents bickered with each other from the plastic chairs leaning
against the wall. It was their turn to “supervise” us. I gripped his hand as
hard as I could, which - sadly - wasn’t that tight because of all the drugs in
my system.
“Fine, I’ll go see the fucking psychologist, but don’t you fucking  dare  think
about blaming this on me  or  Shouyou,” the tension is visible in Tobio’s back
and how hard he’s clenching his jaw. I can’t help but feel bad about getting
Tobio involved in all of this. It has gotta be  really  stressful on him, not
to mention scary and overwhelming.
Tobio and his father held eye contact with each other for a moment, silently
conversing, the whirring of machinery the only noise breaking the silence. I
want to comfort Tobio but I don’t know how. His loud sigh startles me and he
drops his head to rest on the blanket covering my thigh, I involuntarily shiver
even when I try to suppress it. I know Tobio could feel it and he shifted,
resting his cheek on the mattress and staring at me blankly. With a horribly
and annoyingly shaky left hand, I reach out slowly, setting it on Tobio’s head.
His eyes flutter close and Tobio grunts, nudging my hand impatiently. I’m
smiling without realizing it as I card my fingers through his hair; it’s gotten
longer, stopping just below his jaw in the back and falling into his eyes. And
it’s strangely coarse despite it’s silky appearance.
“Your hair’s longer.” My voice sounds croaky and I clear my throat in
embarrassment. Tobio cracks an eye open for a moment before making another
noise and closing it.
“So’s yours, dummy.” I stop my hands movement for a moment, pouting.
“It’s not long, it’s just  poofy  .”
“Mph.” He nudges my hand again and I study his face as I get back into the
mindless movement. It’s an easy distraction from all of the feelings bubbling
up inside. I’m not sure if I should be happy that that guy is in jail, or upset
because he had to try and take me one more time before I left, or hopeful that
I can finally move on, or angry that he did that to me. I’m not sure of
anything anymore and even more so if I should try to figure out what’s going on
inside of me.
Yet somehow, without my notice, a week passes by and I’m at home cuddled next
to Tobio, staring absently at the TV. I’ve been excused from school for another
week, which is when I will also be starting physical therapy for my shoulder.
We keep it in a sling most of the time so that I don’t use it by accident and
strain anything, but I’m not wearing it at the moment.
“I went to volleyball practice this morning,” I lifted my head from Tobio’s
shoulder and stared at him, his eyes still locked on the TV. “Everyone’s
worried like hell about you, Shouyou. Sugawara said they wanted to visit but he
didn’t want to overwhelm you by bringing them all to the hospital.” I frowned
at the detached tone in his voice.
Staring at my boyfriend for just a second longer, I nuzzled back against his
shoulder, reaching over and squeezing his hand.
“Maybe you should tell them they can come over here whenever to visit when you
see them tomorrow morning. I mean, they are our friends after all.” His eyes
were wide in shock as I stared back into them, a small smile on my face. “It’ll
be okay, Tobio. We can do this together.”
“Yeah,” his voice cracked halfway through into a choked off sob. “Together.”
The tears spilled out and Tobio tried to rub them away angrily; I caught his
hand, bringing it to my face and kissing his palm as my eyes began to water as
well.
“I love you,” he tugged me into a desperate kiss, trying to be mindful of my
injury as I held him just as tightly. Tobio sobbed the words back to me with
his face pressed into my neck, for sure getting snot all over me like I was
getting it on him. We stayed like that for a while, just holding each other.
Tobio’s heavy heartbeat vibrating through his chest so loud that I could feel
it against mine. His muscles contracting under my hands with each sob that
escaped him, and murmured words of encouragement pouring out of my mouth
absentmindedly as we slowly swayed back and forth. Our breathing heavy and
choked, loud like the blood rushing through our ears like a waterfall. Tobio
smelt like sweat, deodorant, and something that was just  Tobio  .
It wasn't until after we were discharged from the hospital that I realized just
how much Tobio had changed because of me. He tried so hard to hide it from me.
I had been leaning against the wall, watching Tobio untie his shoes and set
them next to mine. He would always come back right after school ended again. I
hadn't said anything but I knew that Tobio had been skipping out on volleyball
practice. It's likely that coach had been turning a blind eye to it, because of
everything that has happened, but I didn't think it was good for Tobio.
Volleyball is our life; an outlet for all of our anger and frustration, it
keeps us sane. I can't wait to get back into volleyball, feel the sting in my
hand after spiking. Staring from above the net to see the shocked faces of our
opponents. The adrenaline rush is addicting, and I know Tobio loves it too.
I have a feeling that he was so hesitant to play again because of the memories
tied to…  that person  . Tobio told me all about how much he had admired  them
in middle school and wanted  them  to teach him. It’s kind of funny how similar
our original admiration for  that person  had been before crap hit the fan.
So -without thinking much about the outcome- I asked Tobio about volleyball,
almost demanding why he’s been neglecting to play.
“You’ve been coming home pretty early lately,” almost instantly his body
stiffened. He didn’t turn to look at me. “Practice been short lately? Or have
you been skipping.” I knew that my tone was way too accusatory and that I
shouldn’t have said that. I should’ve asked what was wrong and tried to
understand what was going on inside Tobio’s head.
“Are you calling me weak?” His tone was irritating and rude; I took the bait
almost instantly.
“I’m calling you a coward for letting what happened keep you from enjoying what
you love! Tobio, you’re letting him win! The fear you feel is letting him
control you!” Tobio whipped around, face pulled back in a sneer.
“I am not afraid of him!” My fists clenched and I looked away, huffing out my
response as my voice cracked.
“Well I am… and I wouldn’t blame you for being scared too.” My eyes felt watery
and my voice shook with emotions.
“I’ve been scared of him since the first time he r-raped me and I’ve only
gotten more scared as time passed. Even now, even though he’s locked up, I
can’t help but be afraid. Can’t help wondering if I’m going to wake up and be
back with him, that meeting you and going to Karasuno was all a dream. But that
doesn’t mean I’m going to let it control me anymore!
“It’s been too long, Tobio. And I don’t think I can live with this fear
consuming me every second of the day. I  need  to play volleyball again, so I
can remember what it’s like to be free and able to fly. So… won’t you play
volleyball with me again, Tobio?” His hands are clutched in mine and my voice
has fallen weak and hesitant, raw with unshed tears. I try to get him to look
at me but he just stares at our hands. Something coils in my stomach.
“Tobio?” Even to my ears my voice sounds broken and lost and it makes me so
angry that I could shout, but I don’t. Tobio squeezes my hands and holds them
up to his face, pressing kisses on them gently. My cheeks flamed up almost
instantly but I stand still and watch Tobio fondly, feeling my heart flutter at
the gentle show of affection. He’s a lot more sweet and affectionate than I had
first imagined, seeing how cold and standoffish Tobio usually is. I guess
that’s why it makes me feel special for being the only one to know about this
side of him.
“Okay,” Tobio whispers against my hands, tickling me with the buzzing of his
lips. “I-I’ll try my best.”
“Yeah… me too.”
===============================================================================
 
“HINATA! SENPAI IS HERE TO SAVE YOU!” I’m practically body-slammed into the
couch by two hurling masses of muscle and energy known as Nishinoya Yu and
Tanaka Ryunosuke. After the initial sensation of getting the wind knocked out
of me I wrapped my arms around them to return their bone crushing grips.
“Hey guys,” I wheeze out between giggles. Some of Noya’s hair gets into my
mouth and I struggle to spit it out, making the two second-years pull back and
laugh. Noya touches his hair with a look of mock disgust on his face.
“Shouyou, you freakin’ slobbered on my hair. How could you,” I couldn’t help
giggling… I really missed these guys.
“You wouldn’t imagine how much he drools in his sleep sometimes.”
“Tobio!” I threw a book from the table at my boyfriend leaning in the doorway.
It fell short about half a meter, and he snorted. I blew a raspberry at him,
getting spit on myself and the two people next to me. I rubbed the spit off
myself and shot Noya and Tanaka a sheepish look.
“Whoops.”
“Good to see you’re doing better, Hinata.”
“Suga! Daichi!” I smiled at the two third years that appeared in the doorway,
Tobio having moved in further and slotting himself into the couch next to me,
shoving a grumbling Tanaka to the side and almost off the couch. They returned
my smile and Tobio snuck his hand in mine, squeezing it gently. I squeezed
back.
“It’s been awhile. How… how is everyone?” I cursed myself for hesitating and
felt Tobio squeeze my hand again. The two moved in, Daichi taking a seat in a
cushioned chair across from us and Sugawara sitting on it’s armrest. They
watched me expectantly, the familiar hidden look of pity and concern in their
eyes that made my stomach churn. I don’t know exactly how to describe it, but
since coming back from the hospital I’ve just felt sort of… empty.
Like the tension inside myself just snapped after being pulled tight for so
long that I can’t even remember what it feels like to be normal.
“Been doing just  amazing  ! You should’ve seen that killer spike I did the
other day!” In other circumstances, Tanaka's grin would seem feral, all teeth
and mouth stretched wide; but the way he was flexing and puffing out his chest
looked so awkward and unnatural that it could only be teasing.
“Not to mention my  ROLLING THUNDER!!  ” Tanaka and Noya roar in unison,
pumping their arms in the air aggressively. From my peripheral I can see Suga
and Daichi cringing, looking embarrassed to have brought the other two with. Or
maybe just being associated with them. Yeah, that's probably it.
“Maybe we should’ve brought Tsukishima and Yamaguchi instead. At least they
listen,” Daichi shoots the trouble makers a very pointed look. Suga smiles at
me awkwardly.
“These two have been even  more  noisy than usual without having you at
practice, Hinata,” Suga admits with a dramatic sigh. One that loses its
intended effect with his grin. Tobio snorts, muttering so I can hear.
“Should’ve seen Daichi’s face when they kept on getting in trouble.” I try to
hide my smile as Noya and Tanaka pipe up to try and defend themselves. They
start speaking at the same time, so the words are jumbled and confusing. Even
more so when they speak one at a time. Daichi and Suga were actively being
baited into the argument.
“-Somebody had to protect the pork buns!”
“That doesn’t mean you  eat them  !!”
“WHY IS EVERYONE YELLING?” There’s a loud thumping noise followed by a child
running into the room and ramming into Tobio’s chest, almost like a mini
battering ram.
“Urk.”
“Natsu!?”
“Nii-chan!” She smiles up at me widely, happily using Tobio’s lap as a suitable
chair replacement.  I mean, I would too.  Said chair rubs at his chest and
mumbles complaints. Natsu glances around, frowning at all the other people in
the room. “Who’re these people?”
“They are my friends from the volleyball club, Natsu. They came to say ‘hi’
since we haven’t seen each other in a while.” Natsu makes a face, putting her
little hand on my arm. Her skin was a couple shades darker than mine, seeing
how unbalanced and random my eating habits have been lately.
“‘Cause Nii-chan was in the hop-sital,” I can only smile sadly and squeeze her
hand.
“But now we’ll make sure your Nii-chan gets better, right, Natsu-chan?” Suga
squats down to eye level with my sister, giving her that gentle smile of his
that puts people at ease. Natsu nods eagerly, suddenly jumping up with a
determined look and hands on her hips. Tobio grunts at the sudden change in
position, little-kid heels digging into his thighs not-too-comfortably.
“You better take care of Nii-chan or me and Tobio-nii’ll hurt you!” Tobio
sputters and blushes, looking at me with wide eyes. My face is bound to match
Tobio's right now. That’s the first time I’ve heard that nickname from Natsu.
Tobio-nii  huh? I can’t help but snigger. Suga chuckles in amusement, nodding
to Natsu enthusiastically.
“You must be really strong to protect your Nii-chan like that. We’ll be good
Natsu-chan, I promise.” Natsu practically beams at the compliment, puffing up
her chest and making her face go slack, trying to look all cool and collected.
I remember Natsu telling me awhile back that the pose she's doing right now,
was her impersonation on Tobio. Of course, I had her show Tobio after she came
back from school telling stories about how she used the pose on other kids when
they were mean to her. After his initial shock, Tobio seemed almost  proud  of
Natsu. It was incredibly endearing to watch them interact with each other.
“Yeah.” Seemingly satisfied, Natsu hops off the couch -Tobio's legs- and runs
off without another word. I stare at the empty doorway for a moment before
shaking my head and sighing, but it feels nice to joke so freely. I’m happy
that Natsu’s feeling better too. She was really scared for me during everything
and I feel bad for causing it. Heck, I feel bad in general. Making Natsu feel
this way is just icing on the cake, gosh darn it.
Damnit, those are depressing thoughts.  Go away depressing thoughts!
“Hinata,” I meet Tanaka’s gaze, tilting my head in question. “You didn’t tell
us you had a sister! She’s like a miniature you!” Noya jumps in, looking
excited.
“Except cuter!” I pout to hide my smile. Here's my chance!
“Nishinoya-senpai, are you saying that I’m not cute?” I hear Tobio mutter an ‘
oh shit  ’ as I give Noya the best puppy eyes I can muster. We can see the
second my words register in his brain as Noya’s face goes from excited to
horrified in a split second, seeming to glance at Tobio in fear before looking
back to me and spouting out excuses. This is going to be fun-ny.
“No no no no no no- you’re cute, I mean- you’re not  not  cute- what I’m saying
is- well I just-”
“You’re digging your own grave at this point, Nishinoya.” Daichi finally speaks
up, looking very smug and amused at our antics. Noya’s face pales when Tobio
cracks his knuckles, face solemn with a deadpan stare.
“  Fuck  .”
“Fuck is right, Noya. You’re gonna die.” Tanaka looks almost equally distraught
as Noya does, backing away slightly so he’s farther away from Tobio. And thus,
outside of the potential range of fire.
“Now I know that you are Shouyou’s friends but,  please  , mind your language.”
Noya whips his head over to the doorway to my mother, and makes a croaking
noise in his throat. I wave at her with my free hand, smiling so hard that it
makes my cheeks hurt. I can see her eyes soften when she looks at me, a small
smile in her loving gaze.
“Hi mom! How was your day?”
“Not as exciting as yours seems to be, Shouyou,” she glanced at Nishinoya and
Tanaka as she spoke, stepping further into the room and up to me to kiss my
forehead.
“Mom!” I hiss out in embarrassment, cheeks hot, but I still smile. This playful
banter makes me feel light and almost like nothing ever happened. She shoved me
lightly into Tobio.
“I never see you complaining when Tobio does it-”
“MOM!”  Well, it's not wrong.
“She’s not wrong, Shou.”  Damnit, Tobio. Why you gotta be like that?
“Who’s side are you on, Tobio?” Tobio just sort of shrugged, giving me a
sideways glance and his signature smirk. Damn. I never realised how hot that
was.
“I’m on my own side. One that’s often in agreement with your side.” I leaned
back away from him, faking hurt with a dramatic pose.
“Gah! You hurt me, Tobio!” I turn my head slightly and catch Noya’s eyes,
joyfully egging him on. “Noya-san! Save me!” I fell back towards Noya, knowing
full well he would catch me. Although, I was, in fact, surprised when Noya
stood up sweeping me off the couch with him and cradling me against his chest.
Am I really that light? Or is Nishinoya secretly ripped and packed underneath
his clothes?
Stop right there, brain. You have a boyfriend with glorious muscles. Now is not
the time to ogle.
“Worry not, Shouyou! I’ll save you! Let us run away together; our love will
stay pure!” By now I was biting back giggles, everything felt all floaty and
high with a rush that pooled in my abdomen. My mind was blissfully blank as I
basked in the delightful glow. I flashed Tobio a smile from Noya’s arms,
throwing my own around his neck.
“Sorry, honey. ‘Got me a new man now. See you at the wedding!” I raise my hand
in a small wave, cheeks aching and heart pounding. It's making me feel a little
lightheaded.
“Damnit, Nishinoya,” Tobio’s mouth was twitching in a smile when he tried to
stay serious. “One-upping me like that’s a low move." Noya snorted, grin smug
and teasing. Tobio raises an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest. "On the
other side, it looks like I don’t have to save up for a ring.”
Time stopped. His voice cracked a bit at the end, wide eyed and clamping his
mouth shut mid-tomato-metamorphosis. The air was stiff and the previous mood
was zapped out of existence. My heart was pounding for a whole different reason
now. I wiggled out of Noya's arms and blurted out my words that no doubt
everyone was thinking.
“Wait, are you serious?” I planted myself in front of Tobio, who fidgeted
nervously.
“I mean-yeah… if-if you wanted too, wh-when we’re older, maybe -I… I don’t
know,” he briefly met my eyes and his looked so vulnerable and hopeful. There
was a tight squeezing in my chest followed by a full body shiver that sent
blood rushing to my face, ears, neck, the whole thing.
“Oh! I- um, sure! Um, well I… uh,” Not really knowing what to do in this
situation, I fell down onto the couch next to him, quickly pressing my whole
body against Tobio in a tight hug. My lips were right next to his ear, “I-
I think I’d like that, too, maybe.”
“O-okay,” Tobio wrapped his arms around me just as snuggly, no doubt hiding his
face in my neck. He whispered in a shaky voice, “I love you, Shou. I really,
really do. Please don’t forget that.” He sounded so vulnerable and scared,
voice cracking with emotion that made my eyes hurt. I whispered back to him.
“I won’t forget because you’ll always be here to remind me. Because we’ll do
this together, right?” I pulled away and kissed him gently, pressing our
foreheads together, trying to convey the love that has grown inside me. It
flourished and bloomed under Tobio's care, weaving us together to form a bond
that I've never felt before. One that made my chest ache for confusing reasons
and body shake from all the honest affection Tobio shows to me. He opened
himself up with every intention to show me that I was worth loving, that he
loved me, even if I didn't. Handed himself over to dirtied and broken hands
that could have hurt him in so many ways. That have been hurt in so many ways.
Blindly trusting me to not hurt him because he knew -even at my worst- I never
could. Tobio stayed by me and tended to my wounds when I hurt, holding me when
I cried, praised me when I felt worthless, and swaddled me in sentimentality
urged on by love.
Love I didn't think I deserved, but would take as long as it was given.
“I love you, too, Tobio. Together we are invincible.”
Tobio hummed deep in his chest, leaning back against the couch and resting his
hands on my hips; which were straddling his legs casually. I kept my hands
seated comfortably on his neck, Tobio smiled gently. We sought each other out
for physical contact and reassurance like we were touch starved. Hand-sy in a
completely different way, and clingy to all get-out.
“Ya’ know, I’m always surprised by how beautiful you are, Shouyou. You’re so
kind spirited, too. Makes you all the more beautiful.” The smile cracked my
cheeks, showing my dimples in the pinkish skin. How blood can heat up so much
of my face without making me faint, I don't know. I gave him an appreciative
look up and down, grin turning cheeky.
“Speak for yourself. I’ve got to leave some of the good looks for you, too.”
Tobio breathed out a chuckle and I shivered in pleasure at the affectionate
petting of his hands on my back. “I never really pegged you as the sappy type,
Tobio. Although I can’t say that I’m complaining, it’s cute.”
“Mm,” I leaned in for a little eskimo kiss, nuzzling our noses together. We
stayed there frozen like that, eyes closed and finding comfort in the proximity
of the other. Tobio’s breath was warm and gentle against my neck, the hairs
standing up on edge, goosebumps forming with each exhale. It has been awhile
since I’ve been able to just sit in silence like this without any thoughts
interrupting and no doubt worrying me. I think Tobio’s feeling the same thing,
if the content smile and completely lax posture can account for anything. Not
feeling the tension in his body helps me relax too, drooping lower slowly.
“Get a room!”
“Shit!” Tobio jumped, suddenly gripping me tight enough to make me wince, Noya
having scared us out of the pleasant moment. I had jerked and cracked our
foreheads together; now I rubbed at it absentmindedly.
“Noya! Don’t be rude,” Suga batted his hand against the back of Noya’s head,
that disapproving-mom-look on his face. He mumbled an apology under his breath.
Tanaka looked absolutely livid.
“How can my two underclassmen have such a more successful first relationship
than any of mine ever were? Why does the world hate me!”
“Tanaka!”
“Hey! Not in Hinata-kun’s house! Now is not the time!”
“Now is the perfect time!”
“GUWAA!”
“Daichi! Help me stop them!”
“I’m trying-”
“WELL TRY HARDER!”
Tobio leaned back in, whispering to me again but staring at the commotion, an
amused smirk dancing on his lips.
“Shouyou, I think we should leave.” I pouted, pushing back to raise an eyebrow
at him.
“But this is my house.” Tobio raised an eyebrow back.
“Which is being overrun by monkeys.”
“... Fair enough. Are your parents going to be home tonight?” I slumped forward
and snuggled into his shoulder, shifting more of my weight onto him through my
legs to relieve pressure off of my back. Tobio didn't seem to mind, scooping me
into his arms and tugging me closer.
“Mom’s going to pop in later tonight to rest up and take a shower, but dad got
stuck with a double shift and said he was just going to crash in the break
room.”
“So… we leave now?” I didn't really want to get up, clinging tighter and
whining in the back of my throat.
“Yes,  please.  ” And before I could protest, not that I would, I was picked up
for the second time today. This time getting a free ride out.
Chapter End Notes
     M SORRY PLEASE DONT KILL ME ITS BEEN FOREVER I DIDNT MEAN IT
     CRAP HIT THE FAN AWHILE BACK I FELL OUT OF A TREE AND BROKE MY BACK
     MY MOM HURT HER BACK HIGHSCHOOL IS NUTS SCREW THE ECONOMY IM NOT
     READY TO APPLY TO COLLEGES YET IM NOT MATURE ENOUGH
***** Kageyama *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
I start to throw myself into practice relentlessly, barely giving myself time
to breathe, so I don’t have time to think and dwell on the feelings bubbling up
inside of me. Obviously it’s unhealthy and I’m bound to just drop sometime soon
from exhaustion, but if I’m not moving I’m thinking and I don’t  want  to
think. Thinking means my mind wondering. Remembering. Evaluating.
Obsessing.
Almost 24/7 I’m doing one thing or another. During class I’ll actually take
notes and focus on the subjects instead of daydreaming. The first test that I
got back with a grade higher than 59 was buried in the trashcan. Shouyou would
know that something was up. I’ve never cared much for my education before, so
it’d be even more suspicious now.
I look up from what I was doing and see Shouyou entering the gym on my right,
holding his stomach. Putting my hand on my hip and curving my eyebrow in my
signature look, I address him.
“Where have you been, Shou? I was getting worried that you might’ve fallen in
the toilet.” Tsukishima snickers, sauntering over with an annoyingly smug smirk
on his face.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if he did fall in, seeing how tiny he is.”
“Ha ha, very funny,” Shouyou groans out sarcastically, rolling his eyes for
added effect. Moaning and clutching his stomach, Shouyou sends me a pleading
look. “Tobioooo,” he draws out my name in a whine. I respond in kind, purely
out of spite, and because I’m petty as fuck.
“Shouyoooooou.”
“Meanie,” he huffs, straightening up and pinning me with a soft glare. “I don’t
like the medicines I’m on, Tobio. Make my stomach upset.” I frown, shifting
uncomfortably and glancing around--glaring at Tsukishima for good measure and
silently telling him to ‘fuck off’, which he did.
“Like, makes-me-wanna-barf kind of stomach ache?” I try to keep my voice steady
and not show my concern with so many people watching. Shouyou shakes his head
in a very slow, deliberate fashion.
“No. More like the I-haven’t-pooped-in-days-and-when-I-do-it’s-diarrhea stomach
ache.”
“O-oh,” is the only thing squeaked out of my throat. It suddenly feels really
hot. “Well- uh… maybe, eat more fiber?”
“How about prune juice? That stuff clears you out  real  good!” Tanaka yells
out, jumping into the conversation with absolutely  no shame  whatsoever.
Shouyou turns to Tanaka with a strangely serious face.
“But Tanaka-san, prune juice is disgusting.”
“How ‘bout coffee loaded with that laxative powder stuff?” Noya pops up next to
Shouyou suddenly, I watch Shou jump and stare at Noya blankly for a second.
“Isn’t that stuff made to make you shit?”
“Noya-san! Don’t swear so much!” Shou reaches out and shakes Noya’s shoulder
gently, doing a miserable job at trying to look upset. I bend down and pick up
a stray volleyball, accidentally meeting eyes with Yamaguchi on the way back
up. His eyes widen and Yamaguchi ducks his head down quickly, glancing over at
Shouyou and scampering over to Tsukishima. The blonde giant sneers at the four
of us in disgust.
“What on earth are you createns talking about?”
“Cures for diarrhea!” Shouyou says, all vibrant and smiley, then he grabs his
stomach and the smile becomes a grimace. “And maybe constipation and
indigestion.” Tsukishima clicks his tongue and adjusts his glasses.
“There is no need for these absurd remedies when you can just go buy actual
anti-diarrhea medicine. Honestly, how you have survived this far is beyond me,”
Tsukishima says, followed by an exasperated sigh. The look on his face is like
he’s in pain, it’s actually kind of funny. Yamaguchi smiles up at the blond.
“Nice one, Tsuki,” he says a little quieter than usual, patting Tsukishima’s
arm and smiling again. I frown, not liking that almost-sad way that Yamaguchi
spoke. Even though I don’t know Yamaguchi personally, it’s easy to see that
something is wrong; not like I’m any better. It seems like Tsukishima notices
too, he brushes his shoulder against Yamaguchi’s, like he’s saying ‘ I’m here
’. My throat swells at the gesture.
“Shut up, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima mumbles, turning his face away when Yamaguchi
grins at him. Is that a blush I see?
“Sorry, Tsuki.”
Huh. I wonder if they'll get together at some point.
“Tobio.” I glance over to Shou, some of his longer fringe is clipped back out
of his face with convenience-store-quality berets. “Are you okay?” He says in a
soft voice, stepping closer and putting a hand on my arm. His hands are
strangely cold and an involuntary shiver travels through my body. I glare at
the volleyball in my hands. Looking at Shouyou would be too hard. There's no
reason for him to ask that question.
“Shouldn't I be asking you that? You're the one going through hell here,
Shouyou,” the words come out harsher than I intend, I bite my cheek. I hear
Shouyou suck in a breath, his clammy hand sticks to my bicep awkwardly.
“That doesn’t answer my question, Tobio,” Shouyou grumbles, pulling away from
me in a huff. God fucking damnit why the fuck did I do that. Stupid me. Gentle
hands cover mine over the volleyball, I stare at them knowing that I can’t meet
his eyes. Like the rest of him, Shouyou’s hands are smaller than mine, but
there’s more color to his skin.
“Yeah, well, you didn’t answer mine either,” I say, matching the grumpy-mumble-
voice Shouyou used. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck  fuck .
“What is up with you, Tobio?” Shouyou practically spits out, his grip on me
tightens, bit-off nails dig into the backs of my hand.
“Yeah, Kageyama, what crawled up your ass and died?” Says Noya, butting in on
the conversation and punching my shoulder. I rip my hands away from Shouyou’s
and pull back, dropping the ball and glaring at Noya. Disgusted shivers radiate
from my shoulder.
“Don’t fucking touch me,” I snarl, grabbing the spot Noya hit and squeezing.
The skin tingles and the hairs raise in faux goosebumps, like I just stuck my
foot in something wet and slimey. Repulsion from the touch turns quickly into
nausea, Noya looks at me like I just kicked a puppy. Shouyou stands behind him
to the left, thin eyebrows raise in confusion and his jaw clenches. I can see
the tension in his shoulders and neck, Shouyou’s eyes reflect the gym lights,
giving them a dangerous glint.
“Is there something you would like to share with everyone or can we get back to
practice?” says Daichi, suddenly way too close. I flick my eyes over him, still
holding my arm. Another shiver runs through me.
“It’s  nothing, ” I grumble out, shooting Daichi a smoldering look. His
eyebrows shoot up in surprise. Someone behind Daichi clears their throat, Coach
Ukai steps forward and gestures everyone closer.
“If everyone could gather around, I have an announcement to make.” I shuffle
over, Shouyou hovers at my side, watching me but not saying anything. “Takeda-
sensei was able to organize a training camp with another volleyball team,” the
whole room stiffens. “This friday marks the start of our camp with our former
rival team, Nekoma. I expect all of you to be joining us.”
Right…
===============================================================================
 
”It's a pleasure to meet you, Kageyama Tobio. My name is Ryouta Kosuke,” says
the man sitting across from me. He's sitting with his legs crossed at the
ankles on an ugly high-backed chair. I instantly don't like him.
“Yeah.” I narrow my eyes when he just smiles at me. Ryouta leans back in his
chair, hands lying limply in his lap, watching me with curious brown eyes. They
aren't the same brown color as Shouyou’s; a little bit darker, kind of like
mud, and duller too. Shouyou's eyes are always changing with his emotions,
Ryouta’s don't reflect anything and that makes me uncomfortable.
“Can you tell me why you're here today, Kageyama-kun?”  His lips turn up in
that permanent smile as he speaks, teeth hidden by thin lips. The smoothness of
Ryouta’s voice is almost too smooth to be real, so much so that it irks me.
Kind of like Oikawa’s voice.
My teeth sink into the meaty flesh of my cheek, I bite down hard, tasting
blood. I tell myself to fuck off and go be useful. Ryouta tilts his head to the
side, the look on his face is plastic and probing. I lick my lips, they’re so
dry all of a sudden.
“Uh, for therapy?” I say, my voice cracks uncharacteristically and I try not to
wince. Ryouta’s face stays true and plastic, smile not budging or faltering at
all. The boring brown hue of his eyes make them look cloudy and it’s hard to
tell what he’s looking at. I shift on the overstuffed sofa, looking away and
grabbing a throw pillow to hold in my lap. The pillow helps me from feeling so
exposed, but I feel naked under Ryouta’s eyes. Mom and dad both took today off
work to get me to a psychologist, and those two  never  take off work unless
something is going on. I wish Shouyou were here with me.
“Well, albeit vague, that is true.” I click my tongue in annoyance, running my
hands over the embroidered patterns on the pillow. Lines and zigzags run across
the pillow surface, threads intersecting at random points in shades of browns
and forest greens. The embroidery feels bumpy against the pads of my fingers,
contrasting with the silk-like texture of the originally plain, poo-brown,
square pillow. Ryouta clears his throat, I look around at the landscape
paintings on the walls.
“So, Kageyama-kun,” he says, clearing his throat again in an attempt to get me
to look at him. It doesn’t work. “How are you?” I squint my eyes at one of the
paintings in a thick black wood frame.  It’s just a bunch of grass, why the
fuck.
“Fine,” I say, grumbling with a frown on my face.
“That’s good,” Ryouta says, not sounding deterred one bit--which is actually
quite infuriating since it would be easier to get him upset so I can leave.
“How are you doing in school?” I click my tongue again and spit out the same
response, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Fine.”
“Do you participate in any clubs or activities? I see that your shirt has a
volleyball on it, do you play?” Ryouta probes me with questions, not seeming
discouraged at all by my immaturity and petty-ness.
“What does that have to do with anything?” I whine. This is an hour-long
session and so far--I glance at the old grandfather clock--barely 20 minutes
have passed. My skin prickles from Ryouta’s imploring gaze.
“I just want to learn more about you, Kageyama. That's what I'm here for.”
“Bull fucking shit. I’m here so you can psychoanalyze and label me with PTSD or
something because there’s been some shit in my life.” I’m caught in his eyes,
glaring into them because I know I can’t look away. The venom in my voice is
potent and not entirely unfounded, just not the best for the situation. But, I
mean, I’ve gotten this far so why not just let it loose?
“Everyone thinks that because I spent my time helping Shouyou instead of myself
I must be having some trouble of my own, right? I couldn’t  possibly  be
helping Shouyou without making some sort of self-sacrifice, there’s nothing for
me to gain from being helpful to someone who’s struggling like you are and you
get them to practice what they preach because it feels good to be needed by
someone who you love and who loves you. It’s so much easier to help someone
else because it’s  not me  because I don’t deserve to be selfish and think
about myself all the time. I’m not some sort of  king . Why should I be any
more important that anyone else? If anything  they  are more important. Fuck
everyone who says otherwise. The one who needs me is safe and that is all that
will  ever  matter.”
“Kageyama-kun…” Ryouta says my name in the same tone as before, he doesn’t
adopt that delicate approach that people usually do after an outburst. “If the
one you love needs you, then you shouldn’t be with them.” I shoot up and throw
the pillow at the wall.
“YOU DON’T GET TO FUCKING DECIDE WHO I CAN AND CANNOT BE WITH!” I scream at the
wall, Ryouta’s face looks wrong. His hair is just the shade of brown to be
wrong. The style is wrong and I can’t look at it without this twisting heat
growing tighter in my chest and tugging at my throat hard. I want to throw up.
My mouth is dry and tastes like acid. Pain starts to ripple up my arms my hands
are clenched so tight and stiff. I want to break something. If there was a
table in front of me right now I would flip it.
“That’s not what I’m doing, Kageyama-kun, you need to calm down.” His tone
hasn’t changed but his voice is too nasally.  I don’t want to hear it.
“Shut up!” I snap, pacing back and forth. Three steps forward. Turn. Three
steps. Turn. Three steps. Turn. My hands go to my mouth and I start biting my
nails  hard.  The little  click  of a nail being snapped by teeth resounds in
my skull. I spit out the bit off pieces until there’s no more to spit.
 “Kageyama-kun. You should be with someone who wants you, not with someone who
needs you.”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” I taste blood, flinching only slightly as
I tear up my cuticle beds.
“If they can’t live without you, if they need and depend on you with their
life, they don’t deserve you. But,” Ryouta stands up slowly, smiling at me
gently, “if they love you and genuinely  want  to be with you; then and only
then do they  deserve  to be with you, Kageyama-kun.”
Chapter End Notes
     Holy shit is this an update??
***** Hinata *****
Chapter Summary
     Neko neko nekoma!
Chapter Notes
     *drags myself out of the grave spitting up dirt*
     holy shit I'm updating
See the end of the chapter for more notes
“You really shouldn’t be pushing yourself so soon, Hinata.”
“It’s okay! Don’t worry, Suga-san, I’ve got this!”
“Hinata-”
“Race you!”
Inhaling through the nose, filling my aching chest with air until it hurts then
pushing it violently out in a puff through my mouth. My lungs burn from disuse
and the air pollution I breathe in. The burning just beneath my skin, tingly
and euphoric. The convenience store pork bun sloshes around my stomach. I
should’ve eaten breakfast earlier.
But who cares, it’s golden week! That means volleyball! Lots of it, too!
I’ve been in physical therapy for a couple days now, and honestly it’s more
difficult than I thought it would be. Just lifting a ball above my head a
couple times, and my shoulder was burning . Why did it hurt so much? Of course,
I’m not really officially cleared to play volleyball, but the therapist said I
can play as long as I am careful. So I can play.
Speaking of volleyball, where am I?
“We were doing a running drill…” I mumble, doing a confused 360 and analyzing
my surroundings. WAIT. PERSON. There’s someone wearing a red jacket and a
backpack sitting on a raised fence foundation up ahead to my right playing on
their phone. I bounce up to them without hesitation. “Are you lost too?” I
question, feeling a little guilty when they startle, eyes peaking out from dye-
blonde hair just a moment before looking back at the smartphone.
“Yeah,” they say. Their voice sounds really breathy and flat, almost soft if
not for the disinterested tone. Too awkward to backout of the conversation now,
I press on.
“Are you not from around here?” They nod, tapping idly on the phone screen. “Is
that fun?” I ask, dropping down into a squat next to them and gesturing to the
phone. They glance over at me again.
“Not really. I’m just passing time.” I hum in response. Not really sociable are
they? I wonder what they’re doing here in Miyagi… ah! Their gym bag!
“Do you play volleyball? In your bag- those are volleyball shoes, right?” I
exclaim, bouncing up onto the balls of my feet. They jump and our eyes meet for
the first time. What a strange color… like gold… or yellow-brown? Either way, I
like them!
“Y-yeah.”
“Awesome! I play volleyball too!” I grin at them and they look away. “Oh! I
forgot. My name’s Hinata Shouyou.” I bow my head to them.
“Kozume… Kozume Kenma,” they mumble, fidgeting their hands and glancing around.
I bite my lip. Don’t make it awkward. Don’t make it awkward.
“Do you like volleyball? You play on a high school team, right? I’m a first-
year.”
“Second-year.”
“Oh, I’m sorry! I should be calling you senpai shouldn’t I?” My cheeks heat up
and I fiddle with my shirt-hem. Kozume looks up at me.
“It’s fine. I don’t really care for all that stuff anyways,” he says. I think
that’s the most I’ve heard him say since we started talking.
“O-okay. What position do you play? In volleyball, that is.” I lean against the
fence next to Kozume.
“Setter.”
“I play middle blocker!” I lean forward to try and get another look at Kozume’s
face. “You’re nothing like our team’s setter. He’s a lot more…” how can I
politely describe how my boyfriend plays volleyball without making Tobio sound
like a jerk. “More intense.” Kozume meets my eyes again.
“Aah.”
“Do you like playing volleyball?”
“Not really,” he looks back to his phone. “I’m not a very athletic person, at
matches I hear people ask why I’m the setter instead of someone better. My
friends play so I might as well too.” He says it like it’s no problem and he
doesn’t care.
“I see…” Kozume doesn’t say anything else, I stand there next to him. “What
school do you go to-”
“Kenma!”
“Oh. Kuroo.” Kozume stands up, pocketing his phone. He glances at me, says
“Bye,” and walks over to the comb-haired guy that had called his name. Kozume
stops, turns over his shoulder, and waves to me, smiling. “See you soon,
Shouyou.” Then he leaves.
“See you… soon?” What does Kenma mean by that? Not that I wouldn’t want to see
him again. Kenma seems like a very interesting person!
===============================================================================
 
“It’s so cool! We all get to sleep in one room like it’s a big sleepover or
something!” I say, pulling my futon from the stack in the closet.
“You’re exactly right, Hinata!” Tanaka shouts from where he is spreading out
his futon. “And every meal is cooked by our lovely Kiyoko-san!” He puts his
hand over his heart, eyes shining with unshed, manly, tears. Noya jumps over to
him, landing on his knees with two fists in the air.
“Yahoo!” Noya then promptly falls over as a pillow whacks him in the face.
Ennoshita stands over Noya’s fallen body with a smirk. Tanaka yells at
Ennoshita, accompanied by throwing a pillow into his face.
“No pillow fights!” Sugawara smacks each of them on the wrist with a frown.
“Unless you want to be yelled at by Daichi.” I giggle, finding my own spot and
setting up my futon right next to Tobio’s. That wouldn’t be good. Daichi can be
really scary sometimes. But he’s really nice. They all are. I mean, they’ve
been really accepting about Tobio and I. Not to mention what happened before
that. It’s just that I don’t really know any of my teammates that well and I
think I should by now. It has been a couple months now.
How long does it usually take to get to know someone? I got to know Izumi and
Koshi, my two friends in middle school, because we had gone to primary school
together; we also had the same class first and second year of middle school.
Third year I was left out.
“Shouyou,” Tobio nudges me with his foot, I look up from my spot on the floor.
“I’m going to go take a bath.”
“Okay,” I mumble, watching Tobio collect toiletries and a change of clothes
from his bag. I actually already took a bath earlier, so I’ll just wait for
Tobio to come back before going to sleep. Idly, I tug Tobio’s futon closer to
mine until the edges overlap. I wonder how he’ll feel about cuddling around the
team. He’s been a little… off lately. The team will probably be fine with it
like I am, though, won’t they? They all seem generally open and upfront about
their feelings. I mean, there are a few who don’t interact with the rest of the
club as much.
Cough cough. Kinoshita-Narita-Asahi-Yamaguchi. Cough.
“Pst! Hinata!” Tanaka and Noya’s futons are across from Tobio’s and mine.
“What?” I whisper back, laying down on my belly to face them with a pillow
propped under my head. They both shimme closer and smile like devils.
“I see that you and Kageyama are sleeping next to each other, hmm?” Tanaka’s
grin turns wolfish as he speaks. I hesitantly nod my head, not really sure
where this is going. “Do you do that often?”
“Yeah, it’s easier to sleep that way.” I keep myself from asking ‘why’ since
that doesn’t look like it’ll end well.
“So then you guys have done it, right?” Noya says, bumping shoulders with
Tanaka.
“Done it ?” I squeak out, not embarrassed one bit by the crack in my voice. My
mouth suddenly feels dry. Like really dry. Tanaka nods.
“Yeah, yeah. Like, you guys have fucked right?” Oh. I clear my throat. My voice
cracks and I wince.
“I- um,” I’m not sure how to respond. Is it normal to talk about your sex life
out in the open like this? I don’t really think it is, but I’m also not sure
how to get out of this conversation. Maybe if I catch one of the other’s
attention they can save me. Why do Tanaka and Noya even want to know if Tobio
and I have had sex in the first place? “That’s, uh, not really your
guys’—sorry—business? Look I-I really don’t think we should be talking about
this here…”
“Come on, though! We’re all friends here! I would tell you if anything like
that happened to me!” Tanaka raises his eyebrows flirtatiously. I cringe and
look away.
“I don’t really feel comfortable talking about this, Tanaka-senpai. Noya-
senpai.” I chew on my lip. It wouldn’t take all that much more pressure in my
bite to split my lips right open.
“Wait, fuck- Shouyou, we didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Shit, Ryu say
something,” Noya says, cheeks flushing in embarrassment and he punches Tanaka
in the neck. “Aw fuck- shit, Ryu!”
“FUCK NOYA! That fucking hurt!”
“Sorry, Ryu! I was aiming for your shoulder.”
I turn away from them and crawl under the duvet, press my face into the cotton
pillow to try and block everything out. How could they ask me that? I’ve heard
people talk about their relationships and the like with friends and all,
sometimes very indepth. I’m not sure how people are so comfortable talking
about this stuff with other people. I mean, good for them! Just leave me out of
it. Please.
Hopefully Tobio comes back soon. Or they go to sleep because I am exhausted and
would like the sweet release of a brief coma. Right now. Knock me unconscious
for eight hours, at least. Does anyone have a baseball bat? Club me with it.
Not a volleyball, though. That does nothing but give me a headache and
confidence issues.
“Whoever is fighting better stop right now or else everyone is doing twice the
running.” There’s a collective chorus of disappointment followed by shushing
and then finally silence. As silent as it can get with eleven, not including
Tobio, male teenagers in one room. I keep the duvet pulled up over my ears,
feigning sleep as I wait for Tobio to get back. Muffled whispers still seep
through my cotton-fortress, but they aren’t coherent enough to understand.
Good.
By the time Tobio returns I’m groggy and grumpy. I latch onto him like a leech
right as he sits down. Press my face into Tobio’s chest and wrap my noodly arms
around him. Tobio struggles a bit, trying fruitlessly to pull me off, but I go
all boa constrictor on him and squeeze tighter, hooking my legs around Tobio’s
thighs and locking my ankles together. A vague grumble of words tickle my ears
and I shake my head, burrowing myself in Tobio and his warmth. Only when his
arms cover me, too, do I throw the boa masquerade out the window. Humming and
making myself comfortable.
Sleep is a curse, yet one that I need to live. Sleep and I have a bit of a
love-hate relationship. Hopefully I won’t get the short end of the stick
tonight—especially since we don’t have the privacy of a bedroom.
It’s true that we sleep with each other, and by that I mean sleep together.
Actually sleeping and not what Tanaka and Nishinoya were asking about earlier.
That only happened that one time. And it probably won’t happen again… I mean,
if Tobio wants to I’m good with it too I think? It felt pretty good when Tobio-
uh, put his thing- uh, yeah. It was nice. Tobio said it was good for him too
which makes me happy. Cuddling afterwards was real nice, too. Like, cuddling in
general is nice and I love it, but for some reason it felt better then than
now? I don’t know. I’m not making sense. I should just stop thinking.
So if I can just fall asleep and—
                                     sho-
Nope.
Nevermind.
Guess I’ll be going on an early morning run. I was going to run anyways, so why
not do it now seeing that I won’t be falling back to sleep anytime soon.
“Tobio, move your arm you’re crushing me,” I whisper and try to wiggle out of a
mess of blankets and boyfriend limbs.
“Hm.”
“Move before I pee on you.” Tobio moves without another word and I bite back a
snort. Moonlight glows softly through the cracks of the blinds, my eyes adjust
quickly and I shuffle around for socks and my sports shoes. I tug the socks on
my feet, balancing precariously on one leg instead of sitting down and putting
them on because I like to make things difficult. Tobio would probably point out
that my socks don’t match.
With shoes tucked under my arm I sneak out the door, opening it just enough for
me to fit through. The lighting out here is dimmer. My vision tunnels and I
press my hand against the door, taking in shaky breaths as my eyes readjust to
the dark.
The halls feel so much longer unlight. Although it could also have to do with
me tip-toeing down the corridors so as not to disturb anyone.
Not looking forward to lingering in the (probably haunted) hall, I scamper to
the front entrance. My socks slide on the linoleum floor, I wobble around and
make quite a sight of flailing limbs, I almost threw a shoe at the ceiling by
accident. Good thing I’m not an ice skater. I’d probably cut someone’s hand off
with those knife-boots.
Speaking of footwear, I’m wearing mine now! Tying shoes is difficult in the
dark.
“What now?”
I know I told myself I would go out for a run but now I don’t really want to. I
can always just walk around a bit.
I walk around a bit and eventually end up on a park bench by one of those play-
sets that were all the craze when we were younger and still are now. Ah, to be
young again. That would be nice. Blissful ignorance and purity. Back to how it
was before I met Oikawa.
I shiver like someone is watching me. Just thinking of him makes me paranoid
and I feel on edge for hours afterwards. Usually if I stay busy I'll just
forget about it.
“What's a little kid like you doing out here at a time like this?” A voice says
from my left. I jump up off the bench and away from the bed-headed stoner-
looking guy sitting right next to where I was previously.
“You scared me half to death, Mister!” I yelp, clutching my chest.
“Hey! I'm not that old ya’ little shrimp,” he says, standing up and towering
over me. “I'm only a high schooler.”
“O-oh? Well s-so am I! So don't call me a little kid!”
“Woah, calm down there chibi-chan. I was j-”
“Don't call me that.” The words shoot out of my mouth before I can think.
Droopy-eyes looks at me funny.
“What was that?” He scans me up and down. His eyes stop at my arms, which are
up in a defensive position. I glance down at them and my cheeks redden with
shame. I hug my arms to myself, turning them inwards to hide the scars. It’s
easy to forget how much they stand out when you see them everyday.
“It's rude to stare, you know.” I don't mean to but my voice comes off
defensive and harsh. Droopy-eyes hums and tilts his head back to look up at the
sky, his hands go to his pockets in a relaxed stature of someone whose troubles
are minute. I turn away from him. My fingers rub over the scar tissue on my
wrist.
“Ya’ still haven't answered my question.”
“What?” I snap my head over to him but he's still staring at the stars.
“About why you're out here so late. Lots of dangerous people come out at night
ya’ know?” I scoff and he finally looks at me.
“Why do you care?”
“I'm just trying to be a good samaritan and keep a kid from getting hurt even
worse than he already is.”
“You don't know that.” I glare at him.
“Yes, actually, I do.”
“How come?” His eyes trap me.
“There are two types of people that come out here late at night,” he holds up
his fingers for emphasis. “One: people who can't sleep. And two: people who do
bad stuff. Obviously your not the latter and there are only so many things that
keep you from sleeping.”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I know you need to hear it, kid.” I turn my head away and hug myself
tighter. “I know what it's like to get hurt. Nightmares aren't fun either but
we can get better.”
“I already know that.”
“Then you can see that we match.” He holds out his arms. Cigarette burns. Lots
of them too. “I’ve been used, kid. I know what I’m talking about.”
“How?” He lowers his arms and flops back down on the bench, pats the spot next
to him and gestures me over. I fidget with my hands in my lap, watching him
through my eyelashes. The expression on his face is almost thoughtful; his lips
pull back in a dopey sort of smile and his eyelids droop a bit. He seriously
looks like a stoner.
“Did you know that every minute we lose around forty-thousand skin cells?
That’s around four kilos every year, and our bodies are constantly making new
cells.” I raise my eyebrow and turn to him, wait quietly for him to continue.
“They say it takes about seven years for all of the cells in your body to be
replaced.” He meets my eyes and it’s almost sentimental.
“Seven years and all the places they touched are gone.”
A slow shiver rolls down my spine. I knit my fingers together and squeeze.
Something about his eyes keep me looking back at them. They’re a darker hazel
than mine, almost like an acorn, but it’s not about the color. Would it make
sense to say that eyes have feelings and this guy’s eyes whisper all sorts of
things. Close and calculating, flicking about and collecting data. The glint
speaking of his sly attitude and cunning nature. His pupils dilate to a slit, a
Cheshire grin to match as he hops back up.
“I never did catch your name?”
“Oh?”
“What’s your name?” He sticks his hand out for me to shake.
“I-I’m Hinata Shouyou,” I grab his hand, he pulls me up and chuckles when I
crash into his chest.
“Nice to meet you, Hinata Shouyou.” I take a step back from him and shake his
hand. “The name’s Kuroo Tetsuro.” Kuroo squeezes my hand in his larger ones.
Jeez I feel small.
“Kuroo-senpai?” He cringes and drops my hand.
“None of that ‘senpai’ shtick, yeah?” Kuroo shivers in mock disgust and blows a
raspberry at the playset.
“Well then, nice to meet you Kuroo.”
“The pleasure’s all mine.” Urk. Awkward.
===============================================================================
 
Wait. What? This is… Nekoma? All of them are strangers to me but one. The one
in front of me. The fake blonde with very obvious roots showing that honestly
reminds me of pudding. No offense intended. Just my internal observations.
But nevermind that!
“Kenma! Y-you’re from Nekoma?” He stops and glances back at me, then turns his
head down.
“You never asked me, Shouyou,” Kenma mumbles. Well, I was going to ask but got
interupted.
“But how did you know that we’d see each other again?” Gosh, that sounds like
something straight out of a soap opera. Kenma gives me a sly little smile from
behind his hair.
“Your shirt had your school name written on it.” My mouth falls open. That’s
embarrassing.
“Hey!” Without warning, a mohawked man is all up in my personal space making
disturbing and intimidating faces. “What do you want from our setter, punk?” He
growls out. Oh jeez. Just back away… slowly. Kenma tells the guy that it’s okay
and I bump into someone behind me and jump back over to Kenma. It’s Tanaka.
“I could ask you the same thing, city boy.” Seriously Tanaka? Don’t you have a
better insult than that? “What do you want with our first-year, huh? Wanna
fight?” I glance over at Kenma who looks very much done with the situation and
I have to agree with him. Sugawara comes over and scolds Tanaka, another Nekoma
player scolds mohawk man. Sugawara and the other one, who introduces himself as
Yaku, seem to get along well.
Mohawk guy runs off through the gym doors and the other Nekoma players who had
shown up, Yaku included, chase after him. Somewhere along the line Kenma must
have run off as well.
“Shouyou, how come you know him?” I turn to Tobio who’s watching me intensely
with a slight pout to his lip. Was- was he… jealous? Of Kenma?
“I met him on one of our runs. Why?” I lean in closer, tilt my head and grin
mischievously. “You jealous?”
“What? As if!” Tobio snaps, suddenly a ripe cherry tomato. He grabs my hand and
pulls me towards the gym. “Come on.” I snicker and shake my head. He’s so cute
when he’s embarrassed.
“Wow! Tobio, look at how high the ceiling is!” I shout, shaking Tobio’s arm and
staring up at the rafters far above us.
“The ceilings are always that high, dumbass,” he grumbles, still a little
flushed in the cheeks. I groan and throw my body onto his back, nearly making
Tobio fall over. He stumbles and pulls me up piggy-back style before I fall
too. “Jesus, Shouyou, warn me next time.”
“Why are you so mean to me, Tobio?” I shake Tobio’s shoulders and whine,
completely ignoring his words. Tobio mumbles to himself, he marches us over to
where the others are setting up. The air smells minty like salonpas, it tickles
my nose and I hold back a sneeze. Coach Ukai has us set up to do practice
spikes with Sugawara setting. Noya stands on the other side of the net in a
receiving position. I wait my turn with Tobio, jumping up and down and clapping
my hands in dog-like excitement. Tsukishima gives me one of his looks before
hitting the ball down. Jerk is so tall that he doesn’t even have to jump all
that much! Curse my genetics.
Tobio hits the ball like wham! and he’s barely under the net when I go running
into a jump then blam! My hand tingles and I watch the skin turn red.
“Well well well, look who we have here.” A hand falls down on my hair, I jerk
as they pat my head. “It’s the shrimp from the park.” I turn and step off to
the side, craning my neck to look up at Kuroo.
“Kuroo-senpai?! What are you doing here?”
“Enough with the ‘senpai’ schtick, kid. I told you that I don’t care about
that, remember?” Kuroo puts his hands on his hips and shakes his head like a
disappointed parent. I grimace and scratch my cheek.
“Sorry.” He waves his hand dismissively.
“No need to apologise. All’s well.” Kuroo stops and looks at someone behind me,
his eyebrows raise in amusement and he lets out a low whistle. “Someone seems
angry.” I quirk my head and squint my eyes, unsure what Kuroo’s talking about.
Arms encircle my torso from behind and they pull me back to someone's chest.
“Who are you and what do you want with Shouyou,” Tobio growls out, tucking my
head under his chin protectively. His shoulders hunch to cover my body like a
shield. I pat Tobio’s hand and angle my head to talk to him.
“It's okay, Tobio. Kuroo-san was just saying hello.” Tobio grunts and nuzzles
my hair, reminding me very much of a dog concerned for their young.
“No need to get your panties in a bunch, you grumpy galoo. I was only greeting
a friend.” Kuroo puts his hands up, palms out in a ‘it’s all cool, man’ sort of
gesture. Being this close, I can feel Tobio tense against me, his grip tightens
instinctively. Yup. Definitely like a dog. All we need is some growling and
snarling.
My heart beat is steady and I'm almost surprised.
“Kageyama! Hinata! Hurry up and get over here so we can finish warming up. And
Kageyama, stop smothering Hinata he'll be fine, ” calls out Daichi. The
Cheshire grin on Kuroo's face makes more sense now that I know he's from
Nekoma. Doesn't mean that it's any less funny, though. Tobio flushes and
retracts his limbs. Free from his grip, I give Kuroo a little bow before
joining the rest of the team. Tobio trails a second behind.
We gather up and coach sends us all to run a lap around the gym. Daichi falls
in line next to me. Tobio flanks my other side silently.
“Hinata, can I ask how you know Nekoma’s captain?” I glance at Daichi who's
staring straight ahead, his eyebrows furrow and lips purse in concern. Somehow
it makes sense that Kuroo is captain. His appearance and intelligence may seem
contradictory but it's fitting. I huff and tuck my arms in closer to my sides,
lengthening my stride to keep in pace with Daichi’s longer legs.
“I ran into Kuroo-san yesterday when I went out for my morning jog. He seems
nice.” Tobio clicks his tongue, we circle up and do some stretches.
“What's with you meeting people on the street? Don't you know that you
shouldn't talk to strangers?” I squint at Tobio and lick my lips. I need some
chapstick.
“I know that! Kuroo-san was the one to talk to me first. And I was being
careful!” I want to add on ‘ what’s up with you?’ but I’d rather not get into a
fight. Tobio’s head turns away, his nose goes up and I’m reminded of a king. My
throat tightens and I look to the ground, taking in shaky breaths. The jersey
is suddenly too tight. Hands clench and unclench, I try to shake the anxiety
out through my fingers.
Coach is talking to us and my ears ring. I cling onto the back of Tobio’s
jersey. He reaches around and grabs my hand. Sounds are booming and my eyes get
blurry.
I take a deep breath.
Chapter End Notes
     I'm really sorry that it took so long, guys. This past 16 months have
     been crazy.
     I just want y'all to know that, even if it takes me a year, I won't
     just give up on this story. I have plans for the future that I intend
     to see through.
     Hopefully I don't get hurt before then.
     In the mean time: HAVE FUN BE SAFE DON'T DO DRUGS unless prescribed
     to you by a physician AND DON'T DIE
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