Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/627188.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Major_Character_Death, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki
  Character:
      Jensen_Ackles, Jared_Padalecki
  Additional Tags:
      Mpreg, Public_Sex, Angst
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-01-06 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 34354
****** Love Like Ours ******
by spiders_stars
Summary
     Sometimes, if you're lucky enough, you meet someone when you're just
     a boy and fall in love. The kind that lasts more than a lifetime. And
     even if the world tries to steal that love away, you'll do everything
     in your power to bring him back.
Notes
     This story is based loosely on the movie Womb which is a very strange
     movie but also very good. You don't need to watch the movie to
     understand the story, I believe I do a pretty fair job of breaking is
     all down for the reader. I wrote this fic several months ago and I
     realize the warnings are pretty vague but I'd really rather the story
     not be spoiled. It will (most likely) make you cry in parts but will
     hopefully make you smile and leave you feeling great! If you need
     more info about the warnings, please PM me so I don't spoil anyone in
     comments.
***** Chapter 1 *****
This was the last summer Jared would spend here as a boy and at first it didn't
matter. Every June his parents shipped him off to his only Grandpa's cabin in
the middle of the woods, in the middle of nowhere, for two whole months.
Grandpa didn't have any TV or internet or even a computer for that matter, only
old board games and shovels and pails to dig up dirt down at the stream. Jared
hated the isolation. He didn't even have any siblings to play the stupid board
games with. Every summer before this one had been dull and too long, leaving
Jared eager to return home and go back to school where he at least had someone
to talk to.
This was not going to be like any other summer. In fact, this summer would
change the entire outcome of Jared's life but, as a thirteen year old boy,
there was no way for him to know that yet.
In fact, for the first two weeks of June Jared roamed the forest alone thinking
how mean it was of his parents to make him spend yet another lonely summer in
Fort Evans with a Grandpa who slept most of the day away. He didn't understand
why they needed to get settled in a whole different country without him; wasn't
it bad enough he had to move in the first place? Without coming to stay here,
too?
And then he met Jensen.
It was a stormy afternoon, thunderclouds rolling in and blocking out the sun,
wind lifting and blowing Jared's hair up into tangled knots. Jared was throwing
rocks into the river to watch the water splash up and compete with the
drizzling rain to paint the shore wet. It was just as dull and lonely as it
always was until a rock larger than his hand splashed into the water, spraying
drops over the edge of his jeans and causing him to jump back.
"Well if you're gonna splash around, might as well go all out, huh?"
Jared spun toward the unfamiliar voice, heart still racing at the surprise. The
boy wore a dark beanie that almost hid the brown hair sticking out from
underneath. Thin, wire-framed glasses sat perched on his nose, half obstructing
bright green eyes and freckle-covered cheeks. As Jared continued to stare the
boy slowly grinned, slipping his hands into denim pockets and rocking forward
on the toes of his well-worn sneakers.
"I hope you know how to speak English. There's never anyone new to talk to
around here."
That was enough to make Jared shake off his lingering shock and grin, brushing
the dirt on his hands off on his jeans and stepping closer. "What other
language would I speak?"
"Oh, I don't know. German or something? It would be my luck." The boy shrugged
and jumped forward, landing right in front of Jared with a grin so bright it
made Jared warm from head to toe. "I'm Jensen. Who are you?"
"Jared." He watched the boy pull his hands free from his jeans then reached
out, grabbing Jared's hands and squeezing.
"Excellent. Let's be best friends, Jared, okay? What do you say?"
Maybe Jared was young enough to automatically trust someone or maybe it was
just the warmth behind Jensen's eyes. Whatever it was, he had no hesitation
nodding, squeezing Jensen's hands in return. "Absolutely yes. Let's be best
friends."
And from that day on, they were.
~~
"Do you want to see my secret cave?" Jensen fell back on the bed, arms lifting
and dragging his shirt up from the top of his jeans.
Jared twisted back to stare at the little strip of flesh, wondering at the way
it made his stomach knot up and his blood rush in his ears. When Jensen sat up
again to arch a curious brow at him, Jared turned quickly away and laughed.
"You have a secret cave?"
"Duh. Every superhero needs a secret cave." Jensen shoved up to his feet and
bounced across the guest room Jared called his own at his Grandpa's house,
fiddling with a book on the shelf. "So, you wanna see it?"
"Hell, yeah, I do." Jared grinned and shoved up to his feet, stepping quickly
into his shoes and running with Jensen out of the house.
Things were a lot more exciting with Jensen around. In the last two days he'd
had more adventures then he'd had in his entire life and all because of
Jensen's guidance. Now he raced through the woods on Jensen's heels, keeping
his eyes on the boy's ever-present beanie as they darted around trees and
leaped over large rocks.
Jared couldn't help laughing, reaching out to snag Jensen's hand when the boy
simply continued to run. "Where is this cave?"
"Just trust me!" Jensen called back, threading his fingers through Jared's
instead of releasing his hand and picking up speed.
When they finally stopped Jared was panting roughly and his skin was beginning
to dampen under a fine layer of sweat. It never really got all that hot in Fort
Evans; it was even cool enough for them both to be wearing light jackets, so
Jared figured they must have been running for a long time. He leaned against
the tree and squeezed Jensen's hand tighter, eyes scanning the dense forest.
"My secret cave." Jensen pointed toward the large mountain of rocks, the small
black space just big enough for them to slip through one at a time.
"How did you find it?" Jared turned his gaze from the mouth of cave back to
Jensen, small smile growing on his lips.
Jensen was so close, it surprised Jared, causing him to blink and his smile to
waver. Jensen inched just a little closer and lifted his free hand, wiping away
sweat from Jared's upper lip. "I've got a lot of free time on my hands."
"Lame," Jared whispered, eyes nearly crossing as he watched Jensen dipping
forward, closer and closer.
Their noses brushed and lingered there and Jared's entire body trembled. He had
only just recently started thinking of things like this, first kisses and
secret touches, and the more he considered those things, the more he thought of
sharing them with Jensen. Maybe it was just because he'd never met anyone like
Jensen before, maybe it was just because this was new.
"Come on! Last one there is the lamest one!" Jensen suddenly pulled away,
turning to race up the mountain side and the moment was broken.
Jared knew he'd have no chance in catching up with Jensen at this point so he
simply watched. There was something different about his new friend, something
that made Jared feel like there would never be enough time to spend together.
With a growing grin, Jared raced off after Jensen again.
~~
"You know what I watched on the news last night?" Jensen shifted along the
field, fingers brushing against Jared's.
Admittedly, Jared was a lot more focused on the gentle touch than the clouds
they were finding shapes in or anything Jensen might have watched on the news.
But Jensen always had interesting things to talk about so he wasn't about to
say something bad. "Something about elephants?"
Jensen snorted and hooked his pinky with Jared's, keeping his eyes fixed up on
the clouds even when Jared looked his way. "No. That was last week's news. Last
night, they were talking about the clone program and all its advancements. They
said within the next ten years there's likely to be a fifty percent increase in
cloning. Fifty percent."
"Wow. That's a lot of clones." Jared didn't know what exactly to say when it
came to clones. His parents both worked in the scientific field; Jared had been
raised to accept any and all advancements in the community. But he knew there
were some people, a lot of the religious ones, that considered it wrong and
immoral. "Have you ever met one? A clone?"
"No. But I mean, how would you even know?" Jensen shifted over and let his head
fall to Jared's shoulder, hooking his ring finger with Jared's as well. "Can
you really tell them apart?"
"No. Not really. Some people seem to think you can but... you really can't."
Jared slowly let his head fall to rest on Jensen's, middle finger brushing the
boy's.
For a long few minutes Jensen was quiet, a familiar comfortable silence falling
between them. Then he hooked their middle fingers together and spoke up again.
"You don't think they're wrong, huh? The clones? After the news program my mom
went off for a whole hour about how disgusting the entire process was.
Especially with the male insertions."
Jared bit at his lip. Jensen had purposefully said his mom, not him, and he was
pretty sure the boy would never judge him for what he believe. But the idea of
maybe losing Jensen's friendship because of his beliefs was terrifying and he
hooked his pointer finger over Jensen's so their hands were completely locked
together.
"I think clones are important," he finally admitted, closing his eyes and
squeezing Jensen's hand tight beneath his own. "Sometimes, they can even save
people. A mother whose son died before he really had the chance to live can get
her boy back. Or maybe you lose someone you loved in a horrible way... what if
you got a chance to do that all over again? Plus... with clones... we might
finally be able to find cures for cancer or even the flu. I guess I see why
some people think it's wrong but I don't."
Jared braced himself, ready for Jensen to push away and run for it. A lot of
the kids in his class tended to treat him like he was the clone. But the longer
he waited, the less likely it seemed. And then he felt the soft caress of lips
along his cheek and his eyes flew open, head falling toward Jensen.
"You're kind of amazing, you know? Better than a lot of other thirteen year-
olds anyway. I hope we're always best friends." Jensen grinned, holding Jared's
gaze for a long moment before looking back up at the sky. "Is that a kangaroo?"
Jared stared at Jensen just a little longer, riding out the race of his heart,
before turning his gaze up to the clouds and grinning. "Looks more like a
rooster to me."
"Man. You're crazy."
~~
As it turned out, Fort Evans wasn't all that boring of a place when you had
someone like Jensen to keep you entertained. For the entire month of June they
spent nearly every day together. Sometimes they would roam the forest for
endless hours, sometimes they would walk through the small town and pester the
shop owners, and sometimes they even pulled out Grandpa's board games -
especially when the weather was stormy and dark and cold.
Jared was... infatuated with Jensen. Or obsessed. Or maybe he was simply
learning, for the first time in his life, what it was like to have a true best
friend. Jensen was someone he wanted to spend twenty-four hours a day with and,
as far as he could tell, Jensen felt exactly the same about him.
Which is why Jared was currently lying in Jensen's bed with his eyes closed,
slowing his breath down and thinking of things that made him feel peaceful just
like Jensen had said. Distantly he heard the bedroom door open as Mr. Ackles
stepped in.
"Jared? Your Grandpa's-"
"Shh. He's sleeping," Jensen whispered and Jared had to bite his tongue to keep
from laughing.
Mr. Ackles sighed but Jared was pretty sure if he looked the man was probably
smiling. It seemed like Mr. Ackles and Mrs. Ackles were pretty fond of him;
they always acted like they were happy to see him.
"Yeah, it's okay Martin, don't worry about it. He can just sleep here for the
night. Sure, no problem. Okay you have a good night." The phone beeped as Mr.
Ackles turned it off, the door creaking as he drew it closed. "Sleep well,
boys."
"Night dad," Jensen called out, flopping back on the bed.
Jared kept his eyes closed as he listened to Mr. Ackles walk back down the hall
then up the stairs, the one on the very top creaking loudly like it always did.
Not even a heartbeat later his eyes snapped open just in time to get a pillow
slapped hard in the face. Jared scrunched his nose up and laughed, bending
forward and reaching out to tickle along Jensen's middle.
"N-not fair!" Jensen gasped out, squirming away from Jared's touch and
squealing when Jared hit the one spot beneath his rib cage that was always the
most ticklish.
Jared laughed as well, even louder when Jensen knocked his hands away and
twisted around, rolling over to flop on top of Jared. They continued to wrestle
like they had dozens of times over the last month. And just like all those
other times heat began to boil in the pit of his stomach and his dick began to
fill beneath the thin cotton of his boxers.
The idea of Jensen realizing he had a hard-on was embarrassing and Jared
squirmed back, struggling to get away from the boy before he could feel
anything. A second later it was too late. Jensen's hips brushed right up
against his and the boy almost instantly froze. His hands dug into the mattress
above Jared's shoulders, pushing up enough their gazes could meet, the ever-
present beanie on his head and tilted roughly to the side.
Jared braced himself for Jensen's freak-out, knowing the boy was likely to
shove away then. He might not punch Jared or anything but it would definitely
change the situation between them. Maybe Jensen would treat him a lot less
friendly from here on out. Maybe he would make Jared sleep on the floor.
Or maybe he would press his lips to Jared's, like he was doing right now.
"Mmfff," Jared mumbled into the hard press of Jensen's lips against his.
The boy pushed up and stared down at Jared once more, curious smile on his
lips. "Huh?"
"You kissed me," Jared whispered, wetting his lips to see if Jensen's taste was
still there and if he could name it. When Jensen continued to stare Jared
blushed and looked down. "Why did you kiss me?"
"Because I wanted to. Didn't you?" Jensen didn't move from his place on top of
Jared, except to shift his weight and cause his hips to rub against Jared's
once more.
It sent a moan sliding up Jared's throat and he arched up, seeking more of the
friction and heat. "Y-yes. Yes, I did. Um... do it again?"
"Gladly." Jensen grinned down at Jared then dropped down, slanting his lips
over Jared's once more.
The touch was warm and gentle, sliding across Jared's lips with a sense of
purpose that surprised him. It was like Jensen had been waiting for this
moment, maybe even been thinking about it as long as Jared had. The boy was
confident in his actions, slipping his tongue forward to trace along the inside
of Jared's mouth.
Jared's curled his fingers over Jensen's shoulders, holding on tight as his
dick twitched and his body shuddered with pleasure. This was amazing.
"You- you've done this before?" Jared gasped out as Jensen broke from the kiss,
sliding his lips down over the skin of his neck.
"Kissed someone once, last Christmas. Not like this, though." Jensen bit at his
neck causing Jared to gasp and twist back. "I really like you, Jared."
A smile grew on Jared's lips, fading when their hips rubbed together once more.
"I really like you too, Jensen."
"Good," Jensen breathed and then they were kissing again.
Jared didn't know what all he should do but it was easy to follow Jensen's lead
like he always did. His lips parted to allow Jensen's tongue to sweep forward
then his own tongue tangled and twisted with the boy's in a playful dance.
Jensen's hands wove up through his hair and Jared's drifted down the boy's
back, finally landing on his ass to bring their hips together in another
delicious friction-filled roll.
Each slide together sent wave after wave of pleasure through him and Jared
sucked hard on Jensen's tongue to keep from moaning too loudly. Over the last
month Jared had touched himself dozens of times, stroking his dick to
completion as he thought about Jensen and his bright smile and warm eyes. But
none of those times compared to this, the perfection of their hips rolling
together enough to make his body tremble with pleasure.
Which was probably why his release hit so sudden and intense, the warm liquid
spreading along the inside of his boxers and soaking the fabric. He shuddered
beneath Jensen and broke from the kiss, panting heavily as he struggled to get
enough oxygen in his lungs as his vision blurred. Above him Jensen was panting
too, his body shaking, and Jared was pretty sure he could feel the wet heat of
the boy's release as well.
A long while later Jensen finally fell to the side, dropping an arm over
Jared's chest and lifting the other hand to straighten the beanie on his head.
"Dude."
Jared slowly grinned and looked over at Jensen. "Definitely."
Nothing had ever been better than this summer and Jared wanted it to last
forever, even if it was already halfway over. He still had a month with Jensen
and well, they would be best friends forever, right?
~~
It was raining outside, like it so often was, and Jared sighed wistfully as he
watched the water drops pounding on the window then turned his gaze back to the
book he'd been trying to read all afternoon. The rain wouldn't be so bad if
Jensen's parents hadn't insisted on having a family day which didn't include
Jared, apparently. So he was stuck at home alone with Grandpa who was currently
passed out on the couch and snoring almost louder than the crashes of thunder.
Most days were better when Jensen was around.
Jared had gone from thinking about Jensen a good deal of his day to thinking
about him twenty-four hours a day. He even dreamed about Jensen, especially
since the night last week when they'd kissed and rubbed up against one another.
It hadn't happened again but Jared wasn't too concerned, they had just been
busy exploring is all. And now Jensen wasn't even here.
Ding.
Jared blinked at the open book on his lap, the words blurring as tears filled
his eyes. How long had he simply been staring and thinking about Jensen?
Ding. Ding.
"What?" Jared spun in his chair, staring at the drops of water still hitting
the window. As he continued to stare, a rock bounced along the glass and Jared
grinned before shoving out of his chair and racing across the room to peer down
through the rain at the boy beaming up at him.
Jensen waved, calling Jared's name even if Jared couldn't hear him over the
storm and through the glass. Jared knew what he was saying, though, he'd been
watching Jensen's mouth for a while now. Beaming at the boy, Jared spun and
headed quickly from the room, racing down the hall and jumping the steps to the
living room. On the couch Grandpa grunted but Jared just hurried quickly to the
front door, throwing it wide open and racing out into the rain.
"What are you doing here?" Jared called over the roar of the storm.
Jensen kept grinning, tugging his glasses off and wiping them on his damp shirt
like that might actually clear off the rain. "I annoyed my parents with
constant questions until they finally decided to take a nap and said I could
come see you when the rain stopped."
Blinking up at the rain, Jared let the downpour cover his face before turning
his gaze down to Jensen and smirking. "Good thing you follow the rules."
"Who needs rules when you've got an awesome boyfriend waiting for you?" Jensen
beamed up at Jared and, unsurprisingly, Jared's heart quickened.
The smile tugged up at his lips then faded only to return seconds later. "Am I
your boyfriend?"
"Yeah. If you wanna be." Jensen reached out to snag Jared's hand, threading
their fingers together and leading him back up to the house. "Grandpa asleep?"
"Yup." Jared's heart was still racing over the boyfriend comment. He'd never
been anyone's boyfriend before and the fact that he might be cool enough to be
Jensen's was kind of amazing.
They traveled silently through the house, up the stairs, and down the hallway,
hands still grasped together. Jensen tugged them into Jared's room, shutting
the door behind them and pushing Jared flat up against the wooden surface.
Jared felt his heart lodge up in his throat, heat racing through his veins and
battling against the chill of rainwater soaking into his skin.
For a long while they simply stared at each other, Jensen's bright green gaze
cloudy behind the rain-streaked glasses. Jared felt the strangest pang in his
chest as he continued to watch the boy until he slowly lifted a hand and pulled
the beanie free, balling the material up between his fist.
"You're always wearing that hat," Jared whispered when Jensen's lips quirked in
a faint smirk. "Kinda wanted to see your hair without it."
"And? Was it all you expected?" Jensen's voice was just as quiet in return,
like speaking any louder would break the magical spell surrounding them.
Jared couldn't get any more words to form so he simply nodded and dropped the
beanie to the floor, raising his hand to drag fingers down Jensen's jaw then
back up. He grasped the wire frame of Jensen's glasses and pulled them free,
bending to the side just enough to set them on his desk.
By the time he straightened up Jensen was there, inches away and leaning
forward to brush their lips together. "I want you to always love me."
Closing his eyes, Jared let his lips rest against Jensen's and tried not to
shudder. The pleasure of his boyfriend's lips and the heat from his words
swirled up through Jared and nearly made him moan aloud. He wanted to be
sarcastic, joke around and ask Jensen what made him think Jared loved him but
he couldn't.
Instead he pressed just a little closer and slid his fingers up into Jensen's
hair. "I will always love you. I promise."
"I will always love you, too," Jensen breathed and then he was gone.
Or, more accurately, he fell to his knees before Jared's frame and reached up
begin tugging at the front of his pants. Back at home, before this summer,
Jared had surfed a few websites, began exploring porn like so many of the other
boys in his class did. Only all of them were looking at boys and girls together
and Jared was just looking at boys. Anyway, he had a pretty good idea what was
coming next.
Jared could only stare with wide eyes as Jensen pushed his jeans and boxers
down, reaching out to stroke over Jared's rapidly hardening flesh. He bit down
on his lip and wiggled his feet just a little further apart, soaking in the
heat of Jensen's steady touch.
When the boy leaned forward and licked once up the full length of him, Jared
almost bucked completely off the door. Jensen's fingers curled over his thin
hipbones and held him back, licking over and over along Jared's flesh then
sucking the head between his full lips. He drank down the pre-come Jared knew
was leaking from the tip of him which was just as hot as everything.
"Jen," Jared moaned and slid his fingers into Jensen's hair once more, trying
not to thrust too eagerly up into Jensen's mouth. He never imagined getting his
first blow job, especially not from Jensen, right here against the door but it
was perfect.
"You gonna come?" Jensen pulled back to ask, breathing the words against
Jared's dick as he sank down then pulled back up again. "Want you to. In my
mouth."
Then Jensen sank back down and Jared did exactly that. His release was a
hundred times more intense than the one before when they'd rubbed up against
each other. Jared's entire body shook as he tried to swallow back moans and
thrust his way even deeper into Jensen's mouth. He could feel the boy
swallowing around him, gripping his hipbones so tight it nearly hurt.
By the time Jensen drank down everything he had to offer, Jared could barely
breathe. The moment Jensen pulled back he sank down to his ass, legs spreading
on either side of Jensen's body, tangled in denim and cotton. He slowly blinked
his eyes open, fixating on the damp spot on Jensen's jeans.
"I've wanted to do that for so long," Jensen murmured, leaning in to press a
kiss to the corner of Jared's lips. "To you, basically the minute I met you but
before that even. You taste kinda sweet, you know?"
Jared laughed softly and shook his head. "I don't really think you're thirteen,
you know."
"I am fourteen, thank you very much." Jensen snagged his beanie from where
Jared had dropped it and pulled it roughly over his hair. "You'll be fourteen
sometime soon, huh?"
"Few days." Jared shrugged, squirming around to pull up his underwear and
jeans. He hadn't planned on telling Jensen about his birthday unless the boy
asked. The fact that Jensen did was enough to make Jared feel warm all over
again.
"I'm gonna give you the best birthday gift ever." Jensen grinned then pushed
forward to capture Jared's lips in a kiss again. It probably should have been a
little weird, Jensen's lips were just on his dick after all, but Jared thought
it was kind of perfect.
~~
The stack of papers on the kitchen table was mocking Jared. He knew he had to
finish filling out the questionnaire and send it; Mom kept emailing about how
important it was were, but it was really just a glaring reminder for what was
to come. Not that long ago Jared had been dreading another two months at
Grandpa's cabin in Fort Evans; now he never wanted to leave.
And he wasn't just going away for another school year. Jared was moving to a
completely different country, with kids who would speak with funny accents and
probably be loads smarter than him. Back before, in his old school, he tended
to get weird looks but people weren't necessarily mean to him. Maybe because
they all grew up together.
It wouldn't be the same in Europe. Jared would be the new American boy that was
pro-cloning, gay, and hopelessly in love with a boy he might never see again.
No. Jared couldn't let himself think that way. He would see Jensen again. They
had to be together.
"Jared, son, what's on your mind lately?" Grandpa pulled out the chair at the
table beside Jared and sat heavily, groaning like it took all of his energy to
drop down.
"Jensen," Jared answered before he could think better of it. He blushed and
Grandpa laughed softly, rubbing along the top of his hand.
"Ah, young love."
Jared's head snapped up, his eyes wide as he considered the man across from
him. He'd never told his parents about his gay musings before but then he
figured they really didn't care. And he'd kind of expected Grandpa to freak out
about it, coming from an older generation and everything. Maybe this was some
kind of trap.
"L-love?" Jared stuttered over the word, swallowing down his thick nerves.
"Boy, I was thirteen once, no matter how long ago it may have been. It's easy
to get caught up in romance at that age, beginning of puberty, everything's so
brand new. And physical."
If possible, the blush on Jared's cheeks burned brighter. He really didn't want
to talk to about anything physical, especially not with his Grandpa of all
people. "Um. Okay. I just... you're not going to tell my parents about him are
you?"
"Your parents..." Grandpa sighed and shook his head, letting his hand drop on
the paperwork Jared needed to finish. "They're too busy with the move right
now. No need to bother them."
Every year Jared had dreaded coming to Fort Evans, thinking he'd be alone the
whole time because his Grandpa wasn't really known for bonding time. And now he
couldn't help wondering if maybe he'd just never given his Grandpa a fair
chance. Maybe the man was a lot cooler than Jared had given him credit for.
"Grandpa?" Jared dropped his pencil on the stack of papers. He could get back
to the paperwork later. When the man turned back to him with a soft smile,
Jared couldn't help wondering if he knew what was coming next. "Do you think
it's possible... do you think you can meet someone at like, say, my age... and
you could really love them forever? Do you think a love like that exists?"
It was quiet for a long few minutes and Jared was a little worried about the
answer that he might receive. Most likely a lecture about being a kid and love
being fleeting, something his parents would rattle off.
When Grandpa spoke up again he had joined Jared at the table, offering a can of
root beer and a warm, comforting smile. "If you're lucky, Jared. If you're
really lucky sometimes you can meet that one person and you will love them
forever and ever. No age limits on something like that."
Hope fluttered up in Jared's chest. The stack of paperwork before him didn't
seem so daunting and foreboding now, not so much like the end of everything.
Grandpa was right: sometimes you were lucky enough to find your forever love,
even at Jared's age. And that was exactly what Jensen was.
~~
On the morning of his birthday Jared woke up to Jensen's face right above his
own, a bright grin on the boy's face. It was the best way to wake up as far as
Jared was concerned. Jared instantly pushed up to press his lips against
Jensen's only to be stopped by the boy placing fingers on a forehead and
pushing him back down.
"Dude, your breath reeks," Jensen muttered then laughed, climbing back off the
bed and all but bouncing over to Jared's dresser. "Come on, get up sleepyhead,
it's time to make your birthday amazing."
Jared didn't tell Jensen but he was pretty sure the boy could just sit beside
him on the bed all day without saying a word and it would already make the day
better than it would have been. With Jensen there, Jared didn't care so much
that his parents weren't likely to even call and certainly wouldn't send him a
present - and there wasn't going to be any cake or candles or anything like
that.
But it was all okay because Jensen was here and that was all that mattered.
And Jensen did a good job of distracting him. They shared a package of pop
tarts as they ventured through the woods, taking advantage of the temporary
sunshine to head to their cave. Once there and tucked safely in the darkness,
Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's shoulders and brought him in for a deep
kiss - apparently it was better to taste pop tarts and toothpaste then the
morning breath.
They wasted most of the morning playing truth or dare - and making out until
their lips were swollen - before Jensen was leading them off again. They chased
each other into town, Jared expecting them to head over to the Ackles house to
eat lunch. Instead Jensen produced a ten dollar bill from his pocket, giving
Jared a wide grin as he shoved them toward the pizza place.
Yeah, best birthday ever.
~~
"So, was it everything you could have hoped for?" Jensen asked quietly as they
headed slowly down the path through the forest that connected Jensen's
neighborhood with Grandpa's cabin.
Rain was starting to sprinkle from the sky, beading up little drops on the
hairs of Jared's arm. But he really didn't care. It could downpour with roaring
thunder and constant lightning flashes and the grin would still be on Jared's
face. He hadn't had a birthday this amazing ever, even before his parents used
to ship him off to Fort Evans every summer.
Squeezing Jensen's hand clasped with his, Jared beamed over at his boyfriend.
"Yes. And like, a million things more."
"Well the day's not over yet." Jensen swung their hands between their bodies,
shoulders bumping together as he swayed along the path. "I haven't even given
you your gift yet."
"There's a gift too? But you paid for pizza. And you gave me orgasms. That
should be present enough." Jared couldn't fight a flush with his words but he
was trying to. Jensen always seemed able to talk about things like sex and do
all those sexy things without blushing at all, maybe because he was older and
obviously more mature.
Jensen shoved at Jared's side and laughed. "You're kinda cute when you blush.
My parents said I could stay the night. Think Grandpa would mind?"
"No. He'll probably sleep the whole night through." Jared laughed, heart
fluttering with all the possibilities for their night. He wasn't sure what
Jensen had in mind but he knew he was ready for it, no matter what it might be.
They didn't talk for the rest of the walk home, fingers staying linked together
and shoulders brushing as the rain picked up speed and soaked their forms. It
was pitch dark until they rounded the corner and the faint light of Grandpa's
front porch guided them the rest of the way. Jared's heart began to quicken,
his pulse racing in his ears, and they hadn't even done anything yet.
Once they were safely closed in Jared's room Jensen was right there in his
space like he so often was, fingers working under Jared's shirt and pushing the
material up his chest. "I want to do something special. For your birthday. And
so you never forget me."
"I could never forget you," Jared whispered, lifting his hands to let Jensen
tug the shirt free. At least there was logic behind his racing heart and
fluttering pulse. "What do you want to do?"
"I want..." Jensen bit down on his lip and tossed the shirt aside, stepping
back to tug his own shirt off. Jared had never seen Jensen speechless - he
always had a comeback, always knew what to say in any given moment - but it
seemed the boy was stuck for a long moment. Until he had stepped out of his
shoes and socks and pulled the zipper free on his jeans. "I want to have our
first times together."
All the air rushed out of Jared's lungs. It felt like someone was pressing hard
down on his chest and for just a moment he wondered if he'd maybe fallen asleep
in the bathtub and was drowning because this had to be a dream and Jared had a
habit of doing that. Falling asleep in the tub, that was. But Jensen was right
there and smiling softly at him and Jared knew he had to find his breath and
answer before that smile disappeared.
When they'd first kissed and their hips had rubbed together, Jared hadn't ever
thought they'd go beyond that. And then Jensen had sucked his dick, and then
Jared had sucked Jensen's. They'd touched without clothes and kissed for hours
and still Jared had never thought it would come to this. Losing their virginity
was such a big thing and until that moment, Jared never would have thought he
was ready.
"You want to have sex?" Jared whispered, gaze dropping when Jensen dropped his
jeans and stepped free from the denim. "All the way?"
"Yes. I just figure, you're really special and my first time needs to be with
someone I really care for. I want it so in the future, no matter who I'm with
or where I'm at in my life, I'll never forget my very first time with a boy I
actually love. And you'll always remember that time on your fourteenth
birthday, the summer you met this crazy boy who stole your heart and wormed his
way into every part of your life." Jensen stepped in and touched Jared's cheek,
fingers brushing over his lips in a soft caress.
Jared stared for a long moment then wet his lips, tongue ghosting over Jensen's
fingertip. The way his heart was racing now felt different, harder, and Jared
already knew he'd made up his mind. But there was no harm in teasing just a
little. "Sometimes I really don't think you're fourteen. I mean, I know you are
but these thoughts you have... it's like you’re years ahead of me."
"My parents always tell me that. Mom says I was negotiating deals for extra
snacks like a lawyer when I was only two." Jensen grinned and dropped his
hands, tucking fingers under Jared's jeans to caress along the smooth skin of
his hipbones. "So what do you say? Do you want to have our first times
together?"
It was the final step and maybe some people would say Jared was too young but
he couldn't imagine anything better than having that memory. After this summer
he didn't know how long he and Jensen would be apart; at least if they
experienced this then Jensen would always carry a part of Jared with him.
"Yes," he whispered and wrapped his arms around Jensen's shoulders, slipping
fingers up into the boy's soft hair and drawing him in for a kiss that
instantly deepened.
Jensen tugged at Jared's button and zipper, shoved the pants down a moment
later like he couldn't imagine waiting a moment later now that Jared had agreed
to everything. Their tongues tangled together and their chests bumped as Jensen
backed them toward the bed and Jared stepped free from his clothing.
Thunder rumbled outside the window, lightning flashing across the sky and as
Jared pulled back from the kiss the power went out. Since he'd just been about
to suggest turning the bedroom light off, Jared took it as a sign from some
higher deity - though he'd never say it out loud; he was raised in a home where
science was the only god. He fell back on the bed and Jared instantly squirmed
backwards, making room for Jensen to join him.
Jensen didn't. Not right away, at least. Instead he turned back to his jeans
and rummaged through the clothing, producing a small bottle of clear liquid and
spinning back to Jared. In the next flash of lightning Jared caught sight of
Jensen's bright grin and he laughed softly, not surprised by his boyfriend's
eagerness. Jensen always seemed to get a kick out of experiencing new things,
after all.
"You're shaking," Jensen murmured as he crawled up between Jared's legs,
pressing kisses slowly along his chest. "Are you nervous?"
"Yes." It was easy to admit it to Jensen, just like it had always been easy to
trust him, to tell him anything. When familiar bright green eyes fixed down on
him, Jared reached up to trace soft lips. "I just want it to be good. And...I'm
a little scared it'll hurt."
Jensen's head tilted to the side, a small smirk growing on his lips. "So you
think you're going to bottom, huh?"
When Jensen rolled off and fell to the side Jared sat up, turning to watch as
the boy flipped the cap on the bottle of lube and slicked his fingers. Jared
swallowed deeply, eyes fixed on Jensen's fingers as they traveled down the
length of his body. "I'm not?"
A noise somewhere between a moan and a huff of laughter fell from Jensen and
Jared's eyes widened as the boy spread his legs and tucked a finger behind his
balls. Jared wanted to flip Jensen over to watch what he was doing, almost as
much as he wanted to be the one doing all of those things to Jensen.
"Pretty sure you're not a bottom, Jared. I mean, maybe you'll shake it up some
day, take your turn and all, but you definitely give up top vibes to me."
Jensen grinned then suddenly gasped, rocking his body down on his finger. He
fell forward against Jared's body and brushed their lips together in a slow
kiss. "Or maybe, I'm just very much a bottom."
Jensen grabbed Jared's hand suddenly and slicked up his fingers, tugging him
forward until suddenly Jared felt the heat of Jensen's body radiating along his
hand. Jared rapidly blinked his eyes open and let Jensen guide one finger
forward, sucking in a quick breath as his fingertip slid up between tight
muscles.
"Holy fuck," Jared shuddered as he instantly pushed his finger further up,
blinking wide eyed down at Jensen. "You've done this before?"
"Fingered myself? Yes." Jensen was panting roughly against Jared's neck,
squirming back against Jared's finger. "More."
Jared heart jumped up in his throat as he added a second finger, the tight
pressure around his digits more than he could really imagine. The idea that he
was going to be in that tight space, confined on all sides and connected in
such a way, made his entire body shudder with pleasure all over again.
"When?" He finally asked, slipping a third finger forward before Jensen could
even ask for it.
Jensen's body was in constant movement now, squirming and writhing and
thrusting back down onto all three fingers. His hands clawed along Jared's
chest then slid up into his hair, dragging Jared in for a slow kiss. "All the
time. When I think about you and you in me. I want you now."
Before Jared could catch up with what Jensen meant the boy was pushing him
back, forcing him down on his back and climbing up over his lap. Jared stared
wide eyed up at Jensen, his heart fluttering wildly when fingers stroked over
his cock, slicking up his skin then gripping him at the base and holding him in
place.
"Jensen," Jared gasped out, squeezing his eyes shut when the tight heat of
Jensen was suddenly sinking down around him, gripping at his flesh in a way
Jared had never anticipated feeling.
It was overwhelming, intense enough to steal his breath away and cause his
stomach to flip and knot. His fingers gripped Jensen's thighs tightly, teeth
latching hard in his bottom lip as struggled to keep his orgasm from exploding
through him. Pleasure was all over Jensen's face and maybe he was just as close
to the edge as well.
"God, Jared," Jensen moaned as he slowly sank the rest of the way down,
settling onto Jared's lap and resting there. "It's so... god, you have no idea
how this feels. So full. So perfect. We're like..."
"One?" Jared suggested, the word an exhale from his lips. It was cheesy and if
they weren't so caught up in the moment, Jared was pretty sure Jensen would be
teasing him.
Instead the boy fell forward and sealed their lips together, lifting his body
and letting it fall back along Jared's achingly hard cock. Each movement sent
another burst of pleasure through Jared and he jerked his hips upward, seeking
more of that friction and heat. Their lips were in constant motion against each
other, tongues tangling as Jensen drank in Jared's moans and worked his body
down onto Jared.
"Jen," Jared gasped into the kiss and clutched at Jensen's shoulders, pushing
him back so he could sink further into the other boy’s body. He couldn't quite
match the rhythm Jensen was setting so he simply held on for the ride,
thrusting his hips up as much as he could.
Nothing had ever felt so perfect, especially not as their gazes met and their
bodies rocked together. The connection of flesh against flesh, shaky chests and
deep moans filled the room, just loud enough to be heard over the echo of the
storm outside. Muscles fluttered tight around him and Jared finally managed to
slide his hand down and curl his fingers around Jensen's cock and quickly
stroke.
"Want... want you to," Jensen panted the words and rolled down against Jared
then jerked up into his touch.
Jared didn't get to hear the rest of Jensen's request though he was pretty sure
he knew what the boy wanted. His orgasm tore through him, harder and faster
than any of the others he'd had before. In that one moment he felt more
connected to Jensen then he ever had, especially as the boy's come splashed
over his chest and covered his skin.
It was perfect.
Several long minutes later Jensen collapsed onto his body, releasing hot puffs
of air against Jared's neck. Jared wrapped arms loosely around his thin body
and let the knowledge that he'd really just lost his virginity sink in.
"I love you," Jensen breathed against his ear, stroking fingers against Jared's
arm. "Forever and ever."
A small smile played across Jared's lips and he tightened his grip. "I love you
too. For always."
~~
"Okay, I've decided."
Jared was used to Jensen randomly appearing, enough that he didn't even jump
when the boy's voice was suddenly there at his side. It was kind of fitting,
that they'd be coming together like this on this particular day. The very first
time they met was in this exact same spot and now, just like then, everything
was about to change all over again.
"What have you decided?" Jared finally asked when Jensen didn't automatically
continue.
"Tomorrow, we're going to go into town and learn once and for all if old Mr.
Riley is really a vampire, considering how he never-"
"I can't," Jared interrupted and closed his eyes. It hurt a little too much to
hear Jensen discuss their grand plans for tomorrow. There would be no more
tomorrows for them.
The smile fell from Jensen's lips for a moment before returning with its usual
force. "Okay then. We'll go the day after tomorrow."
"I can't, Jensen." Jared sighed and turned away, stooping down to scoop up a
large rock and throw it into the river. It made a rather unsatisfying thump and
Jared frowned. "I can't do any more things with you. I leave tomorrow."
It was quiet for a long few minutes and Jared's heart churned unpleasantly. He
had told Jensen he would be leaving at some point but he'd been too scared to
give an exact date. For some reason Jared kept thinking they had more time and
now it was the day before he was going to get on a bus to the airport and fly
to another country and his time was up.
Jared didn't know what he was going to do without Jensen.
"You'll come back, won't you?" Jensen whispered after what felt like a life
time, stepping up to Jared's side and threading their fingers together. "You'll
come back to me?"
It felt like Jared's entire body was aching. Tears pricked along his eyes and
he looked down, not really wanting to see Jensen's familiar wire-frames
glinting sunlight. "I will. As soon as I can. It just... it'll probably be a
while. Will you wait for me? Or. Or if you go, let me know how to find you?"
"Of course. I can't really imagine my life without you..." Jensen inched just a
little closer, stroking his fingers along the inside of Jared's wrist. "And we
can keep in contact, right? We can email and stuff."
"Yeah, of course." Jared wasn't stupid enough to think they would actually be
able to keep up contact through emails like that. His own parents weren't able
to keep up emails with him. But Jared would be back, no matter where life took
him or whether they spoke again.
The idea of leaving Jensen was painful and Jared couldn't really stand any more
of the heartache. He stepped forward and threw his arms around Jensen,
squeezing tightly. Tears burned at his eyes and Jared knew his grip was too
tight but he couldn't let go.
In the next moment Jensen's hands clasped on Jared's cheeks, holding him place
as he pressed a hard kiss against his lips. For whatever the reason, the
desperation of the kiss and all it meant caused a sob to bubble up through
Jared. He stepped back from Jensen and stumbled, almost falling before managing
to grip the tree branch beside him and holding on to steady himself.
"I can't do this," Jared gasped out then spun swiftly, taking off through the
woods. He knew the path well, thankfully, because tears were burning his eyes.
All morning Jared had thought about his last night with Jensen, how he might
touch him and hold him close and spend hours kissing him. Now he couldn't even
stand the idea of saying goodbye, as if that might somehow make it easier.
Jared sucked in quick shaky breaths as he crashed into the front door, fumbling
quickly with the handle and racing inside. His Grandpa was sleeping on the
couch, unsurprisingly, but Jared didn't bother being quiet as he raced up the
steps and threw himself down onto his bed.
So many years he’d hated being here and now he hated the idea of leaving.
He cried until he fell asleep and then his dreams were filled with rain storms.
In them Jensen was running through the woods and Jared kept trying to catch up
but the boy was too far ahead. No matter how many times he called out and
quickened his pace, Jensen remained just out of reach.
Jared woke a while later to the sound of his phone ringing. He rubbed along his
eyes and rolled over, knowing it was probably his parents on the line, making
sure he was ready for his flight the next day. The last thing he really wanted
while dealing with a headache and a breaking heart was his parents nagging.
"Hello?" He whispered, clearing his throat when it scratched with his greeting.
"What time do you leave in the morning?" Jensen was quiet on the other end of
the line, sounding so far away even if Jared knew his house was just a few
blocks away.
Thinking that just made it hurt even more. "Early. My bus leaves at seven."
"Okay. I'll be there. I've got a surprise for you." Jensen sounded surprisingly
cheerful and Jared frowned, wondering if maybe Jensen wasn't nearly as upset as
Jared was. "You don't... I could come over? Right now?"
Jared rolled over and sat up, staring at the empty suitcase waiting for him to
finally pack. "I've gotta pack. I can't... Jen. I want to, I want you here. But
it hurts..."
"I know. God, I know. It's okay, I understand. We'll have our time again. And,
and I'll see you in the morning." This time Jensen did sound upset, heart
crushing in the way Jared was feeling and as horrible as it was, Jared felt
comforted by that.
"Okay. I'll see you then." Jared hesitated, eyes closing with another rise of
tears. "Bye, Jensen."
"Bye, Jared."
Hanging up was a lot harder than Jared anticipated, which didn't bode well for
the next day.
~~
It was raining at the bus stop which Jared thought was a very fitting thing for
both his mood and the way he'd always remember Fort Evans. Over the last two
months he'd grown to appreciate the rain though now it would always make him
think of the boy who stole his heart. Jared had heard that it rained a lot in
England, so it was safe to say Jensen would always be on his mind. Not that he
wouldn't have been anyway but at least now Jared had an excuse.
There was a large clock on the wall just outside the depot and Jared stared up
at it as the minute hand ticked over. Just past seven and there was no Jensen
in sight. Jared stepped out from under the awning, ignoring the rain as he
looked one way then the other, trying to spot Jensen somewhere in the distance.
"Jared, the bus driver can't wait much longer."
"He's coming," Jared insisted, barely glancing back at Grandpa before turning
back to peer down the street once more. "He said he'd be here."
The loud roar of the bus engine caught through the early morning storm and
Jared's stomach twisted up. Jensen had said he would be here and Jared had no
reason to doubt him but the minutes were ticking by and there was no Jensen.
"Jared, son, it's time to go." Grandpa's hand fell to his shoulder, squeezing
with just enough pressure to make his point clear.
The rain picked up speed, soaking Jared's shoulders and flattening his hair to
his scalp. Jared was kind of relieved though, since it covered up the tears
trailing down his cheeks. He didn't understand why Jensen would do this to him.
"Do you think it was just too hard for him? To say goodbye?" Jared asked
quietly as he allowed Grandpa to lead him back to the bus.
Grandpa smiled sadly down at him, brushing the hair from his brow and nodding.
"Yeah, I think that's probably right. You know how much he cares for you, just
don't forget that. And have a safe trip, okay?"
"Okay. I will. Thanks Grandpa." Jared forced a smile for Grandpa's sake then
climbed up the big steps of the bus, heading to the back to take a seat away
from everyone else.
Almost instantly his gaze fixed out the window, scanning for Jensen as the bus
pulled away from the curb. They were just about to turn to the left, which
would make the depot impossible to see, when Jared spotted the distant figure
of a boy in a familiar beanie.
Jensen was running and Jared pressed flat against the window, half laughing
through his tears as he watched as Jensen tried his hardest to catch up. The
last image Jared saw before they turned was Jensen, arms waving above his head,
and Jared thought maybe that would stay with him forever.
***** Chapter 2 *****
~Ten Years Later~
The brakes of the bus squeaked loudly as it drew to a stop and a faint smile
pulled at Jared's lips. He opened his eyes and straightened up, pulling the
earphones down and letting them hang around his neck. It was raining outside, a
faint drizzle that decorated the windows, and Jared's smile grew. Typical Fort
Evans, more rain than sunshine in any average year.
In the last ten years Jared had seen a lot of things, explored a lot of
countries and learned a whole mass of knowledge that was questionable in its
importance. But he'd never once forgotten this city or that boy and here was,
ready to pick up exactly where he'd left off.
Just as Jared had predicted, emails with Jensen had faded away over the years.
In fact, the last time they'd communicated at all had been shortly after Jared
had started University so four years had passed. But he wasn't as worried about
that as he maybe should be. Logic - and most of his old friends across the
world now - had insisted Jensen had probably moved on. They'd told Jared it was
fine to have more than a couple week fling with someone because Jensen probably
wasn't still waiting for him.
Jared didn't think he was in denial, he just knew Jensen better than any of his
friends could. Besides, he didn't need a full-fledged relationship with a guy
he could never give his heart to because his heart was already spoken for.
Jared was pretty confident that Jensen felt the same. His only real worry was
that maybe the man wouldn't be there waiting for him.
But if he had moved, his parents would know to tell Jared where he'd gone, so
really it would just delay their reunion for a few days.
Jared tossed his bag over his shoulder and headed down the familiar street. Not
much had changed in the last ten years, at least not where Fort Evans was
concerned. Same locally-run shops, same splash of rain drops. It was impossible
to remember a time in which he hated this city, though he knew this was how it
had been before Jensen.
Now, as long as Jensen was still around, Jared planned on making Fort Evans his
home.
Grandpa had passed away five years before and - to Jared's great surprise and
even more surprising pleasure - the man had left him the cabin tucked away in
the woods in the middle of nowhere. Jared headed that way as he left the bus
depot, planning on unpacking the few things he had to his name and checking in
with his employers online - assuming the cable company had followed his
instructions and set everything up as he'd asked - before venturing off to the
Ackles’ property.
The smile on Jared's face grew as the rain picked up speed. He couldn't wait.
~~
The Ackles house was exactly as Jared remembered it, quaint and homey, leaves
covering the front porch and scattered around the yard. The welcome sign on the
door was a little more faded and the car in the driveway was different but
otherwise it was like being thirteen all over again. Jared wiped his palms on
his jeans then pushed the hair back from his eyes, fingers twitching with
nervous excitement.
Ringing the bell, Jared stepped back quickly and looked around, like he might
suddenly spot Jensen right there without have to interact with parents who
might not recognize him. Or worse, if someone else lived there now, Jared
didn't know what he'd do then.
He was pretty good with computers though, so he could probably hunt Jensen
down.
"Yes? Hello? Can I help you?"
Jared turned back to the now open front door and smiled. He hadn't spent nearly
as much time with Mrs. Ackles as he had Jensen but the women looked virtually
the same. A little older, more lines around her eyes and lips, hair a little
more fair, but her eyes were still the same green as Jensen's and that polite
and motherly smile was exactly the same.
"Mrs. Ackles, hi. You probably don't remember me, my name is Jared." He stepped
closer, peering over the top of her head into the living room just to see if
maybe Jensen was there. Or if the house had changed at all.
When he looked back down Mrs. Ackles was still staring up at him and he could
tell the moment she remembered, surprise coloring her features. "Wow. Jared,
look at you. I think you've doubled in height."
"Yeah, I did hit a growth spurt or two." Jared chuckled softly, giving the
woman his most charming smile. That was something he'd mastered over the last
ten years, the art of charming someone to get what he wanted. "You though, are
just as beautiful as I remember."
A blush crawled across Mrs. Ackles’ cheeks as she ducked her head and touched
the edge of her sweater. "Oh no, I'm sure I'm not. You know, I never really
believed Jensen when he kept saying you'd come back. I tried to be supportive,
even when he tried to run away to England."
Jared laughed louder at that. It was good to know Jensen had spoken about him,
had even tried to get to him, and he wasn't surprised to hear Mrs. Ackles
hadn't believed. After all, his own parents had thought the entire boy I'll
love forever situation was unrealistic and foolish.
"Well I hope he didn't get too far." Jared looked around once more, his smile
fading to something soft and fond. "So, is he home?"
"Well he doesn't live here anymore." Mrs. Ackles sighed and turned around,
walking back into the house and stopping at the hall table.
Jared swallowed, riding out the clench of his heart and the roll of his
stomach. "No?"
"But he's not too far from here. Built himself a little place up in the woods."
Mrs. Ackles turned back, walking to Jared and holding out a piece of paper. "By
this huge rock formation. Lord knows what he sees in that place."
Staring down at the directions on the piece of paper, that sickening roll
flipped out and raced into excitement. "The cave," he whispered and looked back
up, his grin growing. "I know where it is. Thanks Mrs. Ackles. I'll see you
later."
With that he turned and headed down the path, trying not to run. He was just
minutes from seeing Jensen and the fact that the man had chosen to live where
he did, in a place that held so many memories, really spoke volumes. Though
Jared couldn't quite wrap his mind around the idea of Jensen building a house
all on his own. Is that what Jensen chose to do with his life?
Jared didn't have a hard time imagining that. After all, the boy had been very
creative with his ideas when they were younger.
Sometimes Jared wondered if his memories of their summer together were jumbled
up in his mind. Maybe things hadn't been as wonderful as he thought, maybe they
would never be able to top those days they'd spent together. But the idea of
never knowing, of just keeping it all a pleasant memory like some of his
friends had suggested, was almost painful.
Jared may have been raised in a science-oriented home, he studied cloning and
human recreation and male impregnation; hell he'd even gotten a job with the
HumanTech corporation and that was as close to a scientist as he could get
without working in a lab. But he still believed in things like true love, and
fate, and destiny. Maybe even soul mates. There was no reason he couldn't be
both a logical and romantic man.
Jensen's house was literally built into the side of the mountain and the large
rock formation. It was made of local wood, almost blending into the forest,
especially in the grey-shrouded afternoon darkness, and it was amazing. There
were three large rectangular windows at the front of the house, high enough up
that there was no way you'd be able to see in. And because the house was built
on such an angle there was a long flight of stairs up to the front door.
It was exactly how Jared would have pictured a house Jensen designed, even if
he'd never known Jensen knew how to design houses. And, more importantly, Jared
could picture himself in this home. His grin grew as he grasped the handrail
and started up the steps, marveling at how intricately designed the wood
pattern was.
The front door was wide open and Jared glanced around the porch before for just
a moment before stepping inside. Jared looked around the living room, eyeing
the clothes strewn over the large couch, a shirt hanging off the edge of the
TV, the large wall art piece that looked finger painted by a five year-old.
It was enough to make Jared grin and head further into the house. He couldn't
say why exactly but the house felt like Jensen.
"Um, who are you?"
Jared turned to the voice, eyeing the dark-haired man wearing just a pair of
boxers and leaning against the wall. It wasn't Jensen, Jared could pick that
man out in a crowd even if it'd been ten years. No, this guy was too short, his
hair too long and his skin too pale. Actually he looked kind of... vampirey.
It was enough to make Jared snort a laugh.
"Hello? Are you stupid? You can't just walk into someone's house like this."
Truthfully, Jared didn't feel like wasting his breath on this guy. He was just
filler, a person taking up space in the time Jared was gone. Now Jared was back
and this guy could get lost.
There was a clattered near the front door and Jared turned to it, his heart
instantly leaping up into his throat. As it turned out, ten years did wonders
for Jensen. The man was no longer a boy, taller and fit - as the muscles showed
clearly beneath his wife-beater - thin wire-frames perched on the bridge of his
nose not enough to obscure bright green eyes. His hair was the same sandy
blond, casually spiked and rain-damp, and his lips seemed even more full and
plump then they ever had been - which was really saying something.
Jensen nudged at the pile of wood he'd just carried in, pushing it further to
the side and brushing his palms off along his thighs. He stepped closer and
pulled his glasses off, cleaning them on the edge of his wife-beater before
slipping them back into place.
As the man stepped closer Jared straightened out, wondering just how this would
play out. He felt like this was the one important moment, how things played out
would forever set the tone for their future relationship. He'd never realized
it before but Jared had really been waiting for this moment; if Jensen
recognized him without a word spoken then Jared would know, this was really
meant to be.
And if Jensen didn't... well, Jared couldn't consider that option.
"Damn boy. You have gotten big. I hope that's proportionate." Jensen glanced
pointedly down at Jared's crotch, the smirk on his face growing. "How was
England?"
Jared's heart skipped a beat and he grinned, stepping closer to Jensen. He
wanted to throw his arms around the man and tug him close, wanted to kiss him
and touch him and do all those things he'd dreamt about for all those years.
"What exactly is this?" The dark-haired man that Jared had all but forgotten
about stepped forward, sliding between their bodies to stare up at Jensen. "Who
is this guy?"
"England was good," Jared answered Jensen instead, ignoring the man al together
and smirking at Jensen. "And yes, it is proportionate."
"Good to know." Jensen laughed and turned away, heading down the hall into the
kitchen Jared could just barely see. "I suppose you only drink tea now, huh?"
"Okay this is fucking ridiculous, I'm out of here." The dark-haired man huffed
loudly and stomped off down the hall.
Jared glanced toward where the man disappeared into a bedroom before he
followed Jensen, slipping his hands into his pockets. "I drink a lot more then
tea, as do a good majority of the London population. Coffee?"
"Coffee I can do." Jensen shot Jared a grin over his shoulder and grabbed two
mugs from the cabinet. "When did you get in?"
"Just this morning. I love your place. Your mom mentioned you built it." Jared
tugged the stool out, dropping down to sit and sliding under the counter.
Distantly he heard the slam of the front door and the smirk on his lips tugged
up before fading away. "I think we pissed off your boyfriend."
"Who? Oh, that guy? Definitely not my boyfriend. I... don't even know his
name." Jensen shrugged as he slipped two mugs onto the counter, pushing sugar
and milk closer to Jared.
Jared laughed softly and tried to inch closer, letting his hands rest just
beside Jensen's to feel the heat of his skin. "You do that too, huh?"
"I did." Jensen nodded and Jared looked up quickly, considering the softness of
the man's gaze.
And just like that Jared knew things were going to be perfect, just like they
had been before. Whatever they'd found when they were just boys, the love
between them, it was still so clearly there.
~~
"Did you really try to run away to England?" Jared let his head fall to the
side, peering over at Jensen. They were laying in the field as the sun set and
the rain drifted off to a light sprinkle. It had been less than two hours since
they came back together after too long an extended separation but Jared felt
like no time had passed at all, like they'd always been together.
Jensen laughed and shifted just a little closer, hooking his pinkie finger
through Jared's. "I tried. Didn't get very far. It was after I'd begged my mom
to take me there over spring break. I thought if I could just get to you..."
"Then maybe we wouldn't ever be apart again?" Jared whispered and slipped his
ring finger through Jensen's. Something familiar panged through him and Jared's
heart quickened. They'd done this before, touched like this, and it made Jared
feel like a boy all over again. "I used to feel the same. I thought if we saw
each other again that nothing could possibly keep us apart. But then I realized
we weren't ready yet."
"No?" As Jensen hooked their middle fingers together he leaned closer, pressing
his lips to Jared's shoulder. "And we are ready now?"
Jared slipped their pointer fingers together and shifted so their palms pressed
flat together, letting his head fall to the side to rest on Jensen's. "Yes.
I've finished school, I can work from home and you... apparently you had to
build yourself a house."
"Our house," Jensen breathed and rolled, slipping his leg over Jared's lap and
pressing his body down in a slow roll against Jared's. A grin grew across
Jensen's lips before he dipped down and brushed their noses together. "And why
did we stop emailing? Were we not ready for that?"
The softest moan rose up in Jared as their hips rolled together. There had
never been a pleasure like the one Jensen gave him; it was overwhelming. He had
thought maybe it was all because it was their first time, everything was bound
to be more intense, but this one little touch and things were just as perfect.
And better than anyone else he had ever been with.
"No. That was more a matter of fear. On my part, at least," Jared whispered and
threaded his fingers up through Jensen's hair, stroking softly. "I figured if I
just stayed silent you wouldn't be able to reject me."
"I never would have rejected you. All this time I've been waiting..." Jensen
sighed and rolled to the side, flopping down on his back and letting his hand
fall to Jared's chest. "I'm just this boy from Fort Evans; I barely made it
through high school, I don't have any grand accomplishments to my name. I'm not
really worth anything. So I let the emails stop because I didn't want you to
realize that I wasn't worth coming back for."
The idea that Jared would think he wasn't worth it was horrible. Jared's
insides churned and he rolled quickly after the man, spreading out over his
body and pinning his hands down to the grass beneath them. "There wasn't a
single day that passed in which I didn't think of you. I imagined the way your
lips felt against mine and the way you always caused my skin to tingle. I
wanted to be with you all the time but I knew it couldn't happen until I could
really be with you. Without the threat of having to leave."
"And now you can?" Jensen whispered, staring up at Jared with wide eyes.
"You're going to stay?"
"Us forever now." Jared dipped down and slanted their lips together, instantly
deepening the kiss as his tongue slid forward.
He wasn't the shy nervous virgin that he had been when Jensen and he had first
met. He wanted to show Jensen that he was capable of blowing his mind, of
taking control and claiming what he knew was his. Jared's hands roamed down
Jensen's sides, trailing along the smooth worn cotton of his shirt. That entire
summer they'd had together Jensen had driven him so crazy and done so many
things to him, Jared couldn't wait to repay the favor.
"You know, you were right," Jared whispered as he kissed a trail along Jensen's
jaw, working his fingers up under the man's shirt.
Jensen moaned softly and writhed beneath Jared, harsh pants already falling
from his lips. "Oh? And what was I right about?"
"I am most definitely a top." Jared laughed, the sound deep and rich as his
arousal grew. The way Jensen moved beneath him was already so perfect and it
hit Jared then that he didn't want to wait. He wanted to have everything right
then in that moment so he could prove to both of them just how much they were
truly meant to be.
Apparently, Jensen felt the same way. A second later the man lifted his hand,
holding up a bottle of lube he'd obviously stashed in his pocket before they'd
gone for their walk. It reminded Jared of their first time together and his
body shuddered with a wave of pleasure. "I had this crazy hunch that you were."
"And you? Still a slut-happy bottom?" Jared grasped the bottom of lube - which
seemed like pretty good proof that Jensen was exactly that.
Jensen pushed off the ground long enough for Jared to drag his jeans down over
his hips and shove the material down. "I haven't bottomed in a long time."
That was enough to have Jared hesitating, even as Jensen kicked out of his
shoes and jeans and pushed an inch up to wiggle out of his shirt. He wasn't
sure he was ready to bottom, though Jensen had suggested there might be a time
in which he tried it. But out in this field, and their first time back
together, he wanted it to be special, something they'd both remember.
"You're totally freaking out aren't you?" Jensen laughed softly and reached up,
pushing hair back from Jared's brow. "Just didn't feel right, bottoming for
anyone else. Now, it's been ten years since I had any cock stuffed in my ass
and I'm more than a little eager for you to fuck me. So, get to it."
Jared laughed and pushed up to his knees between Jensen's spread legs, tugging
his shirt off over the top of his head and dropping it on top of Jensen's
beside them. He knew they were alone out here in the field, the dark closing in
around them, and his hands smoothed along Jensen's still-creamy skin as their
lips came together once more.
He squirmed free of his jeans and boxers as his tongue tangled with Jensen's,
tasting every inch of his mouth and mapping everything unique about him. It was
different from their kisses as children, not better or worse, just different,
sending bursts of pleasure through Jared in constant waves. Jared's hand slid
up into Jensen's hair, tangling in the locks as he kicked free from his jeans
and sucked Jensen's tongue roughly between his lips.
The first touch of their bare bodies together dragged a rough moan up through
Jared and he rocked his hips down for more of that friction, desperate for more
of the heat. Jensen's body was just as addicting as it always had been and
Jared was relieved to know his dreams of the man hadn't been exaggerated.
"Can't believe..." Jared gasped as he pulled back from the kiss, slicking his
fingers quickly and slipping them down between Jensen's spread legs. "It's just
as fucking good, so goddamn amazing. Even better than I remembered."
Jensen huffed out a breath then gripped Jared's shoulders, moaning loudly as
Jared circled a finger slowly over his puckered hole. "Haven't even- haven't
done anything yet. God, please Jared, need it so bad."
"Of course you do." Jared smirked, sliding his finger up into Jensen before the
man could come up with any sort of retort. He'd been a dominating top with
plenty of people in the past - but not that many; he wasn't a manwhore no
matter what his friends insisted - but it felt different here with Jensen.
Jared already knew how the man would enjoy the teasing, would rock back into
the stroke of Jared's finger inside him. And when Jensen's breath turned
shallow Jared swiftly added a second finger, humming at just the thought of
being buried in Jensen again after all these years.
"Fuck me," Jensen arched up to speak into Jared's ear, nails dragging hard down
Jared's shoulders. "Don't need more stretching, just want you fucking into me.
C'mon, I know you want it."
Groaning and dropping his head down to rest against Jensen's, Jared tugged his
fingers free and dropped his hand, slicking the remaining lube over his aching
cock. He lifted his head and met Jensen's dark lust-heavy gaze. "Always used
protection with everyone else. Got tested before I came here. I promise I'm
clean."
"I trust you," Jensen whispered, fingers trailing down Jared's cheek. "I did
the same. Always used protection except where you were involved. Guess you
bring out the rebel in me."
Jared huffed a breathless laugh and shifted forward, lining himself up and
drawing Jensen's legs higher. Their eyes met just as Jared sank forward and it
was just as amazing as he knew it would be. The tight heat instantly surrounded
him on all sides, drawing him in even deeper, and Jared's breath caught in his
throat.
"This is better than I remembered," Jared admitted, knowing he should probably
stop comparing their now to their then.
"I'm not going anywhere," Jensen whispered, wrapping his legs slowly around
Jared's middle and moaning softly as it caused him to sink in even further.
Jared hadn't even realized that was where his mind had been but now that Jensen
said that, it made sense. A smile grew on his lips and he dipped forward,
kissing Jensen as deeply as possible. His hips drew back and slowly rocked
forward, slow thrusts working them apart, together, and apart again.
"I love you," Jensen breathed into the part of their lips, rocking down to meet
each movement of Jared's body. "Always did. Always will."
Jared moaned as muscles clenched around him, holding him in place for a long
perfect moment. He swept his tongue forward into Jensen's mouth and thrust down
harder, feeling the gentle gust of raindrops covering his shoulders. "I love
you, too. Forever."
Their bodies crashed together as thunder rolled low in the distance. Jared
kissed Jensen until his lips were numb and tingling, hips slapping loudly
together as Jared fucked hard down into him. He wanted to drive Jensen crazy,
wanted to claim him more thoroughly than he ever had been. Jared worked a hand
down between their bodies, curling his fingers around Jensen's cock and
stroking in time with each of his snaps forward.
"God, fuck," Jared groaned into the kiss and thrust hard enough to send Jensen
sliding up through the grass.
Jensen was perfect beneath him, writhing and twisting up to meet each of
Jared's movements, his nails driving hard into his flesh. Their lips continued
to crash and collide, hips meeting in a constant hard slap. A flash of
lightning lit up the sky above them and Jared could see the dark green of his
lover's eyes shining up at him.
"Come on Jen, gotta- so close." Jared moaned and thrust his body hard down into
Jensen, aiming for that spot that drew him up off the field.
A few more rapid strokes along Jensen's flesh and the man was arching up,
spraying come between their bodies and clenching hard around Jared. A string of
curses fell from Jared as his thrusts stuttered and his orgasm exploded through
him, filling Jensen up with several slow forward rocks.
Jared collapsed down on Jensen, panting roughly into his flesh as he rode out
the tremble-shocks of his aftermath. The rain was picking up speed, cooling the
sweat that had formed on his back, and a smile stretched slowly across his
lips.
"Christ that was perfect," Jensen murmured and stroked his fingers along
Jared's back, tracing along the water-slick skin. "Please say we're going to do
that a lot."
"All the fucking time. For forever." Jared laughed softly and slowly pulled
out, pushing up to smile down at Jensen. "Want to come back to my cabin? My
Grandpa left it for me."
"Come back home." Jensen reached up to slip fingers through Jared's hair. "I
meant it, when I said it was our home. I built it for us."
Jared wasn't sure how that was even possible. Or how Jensen could be so
perfect. But he already knew his answer. "Okay. Let's go home."
~~
The room was bigger than any Jared had ever seen - though admittedly, London
wasn't the best for big spaces - and he couldn't stop turning in slow circles
to take everything in. The bedframe was made out of wood just like the house, a
large California King mattress nestled perfectly on top. It was definitely a
bed his feet wouldn't hang off the edge on. There was a portrait of the England
countryside hanging on the wall and a large-screen TV outfitted with several
game systems.
It was kind of exactly the room he would have wanted to live in.
"I haven't been using it," Jensen said quietly from the doorway, holding up a
mug of coffee when Jared turned toward him. "I wanted to wait, until you came
back to me. I've been sleeping in the guest room."
Jared stepped forward and took the offered mug, sipping slowly and smiling when
he realized Jensen had already learned to make it just as he liked it. "Well
that's a relief. Didn't really want to sleep in the same bed what's-his-face
slept in."
Jensen laughed softly and inched closer, reaching out to trace a finger down
Jared's arm. "I kind of feel bad about the way that played out. Made me look
like a douche. It's not like I hooked up a lot."
"I'd really rather not hear about it," Jared mumbled and reached around Jensen
to set his mug on the dresser, slipping his arms over Jensen's shoulders. "The
things we did when we weren’t together, that's past. You and me, that's the now
and always. Deal?"
"Sounds like a great deal," Jensen breathed, tipping up to slide their lips
together. "Wanna see where to put your clothes?"
Jared chuckled as Jensen pulled away and headed for one of the two doors along
one wall, tugging them both open. "This one is my closet. And this one is
yours, all empty and ready for you."
"And what will I do with my Grandpa's cabin? It's already been unoccupied for
years." Jared couldn't help the fond smile on his lips as he strolled across
the room to Jensen, reaching out to wrap an arm around the man's middle and
draw him back against his chest.
"I'll help you fix it up. We could sell it. Or whatever you want." Jensen spun
toward Jared, reaching up to ruffle fingers through his hair. "I just want you
here with me. All the time. I can't stand the idea of you not being here. Just
in case you think you're gonna disappear on me again."
"I'm not going anywhere either." Jared slid his hand down beneath Jensen's ass,
lifting him up off the ground a lot easier than he anticipated. It caused his
heart to swell in a way he'd been savoring since he'd stepped back into
Jensen's life.
And it had been less than twelve hours; Jared couldn't imagine just how intense
things would be as their lives twisted together.
"I know," Jensen breathed and dipped down to capture Jared's lips in a deep
kiss. "Come on, let's break in our new bed."
Jared grinned and turned to the bed, stepping forward and tossing his lover
through the air, laughing when he crashed down on the mattress.
~~
"What's it like?"
Jared paused with his fingers hovering over the keyboard, looking up over at
Jensen and smirking. "If you're about to sprout out some line about my time in
Heaven I beg you to remember that I'm already yours and I don't need cheesy
pick-up lines."
"It's not a pick-up line, asshole." Jensen snorted and shoved at Jared's
shoulder, causing him to roll back in the computer chair. Almost instantly
Jensen dropped down onto his lap, looping an arm around Jared's shoulder.
"Believe it or not but I'm actually curious about your work. I want to know
about what it's like, being involved with all the science, working with the
clones."
Jared slid his arms easily around Jensen's middle, tugging him just a little
closer. "It's not like some strange, otherworld experience. It's just...
science. And clones are really no different from you and me."
"Really? There's no difference at all? I've never met a clone, this being a
close-minded, clone-bigoted community and all." Jensen stroked his fingers
through Jared's hair, humming softly. "Can you really not tell the difference?"
"You can't. And how would you know if you met a clone or not?" Jared closed his
eyes and soaked in Jensen's touches, savoring them like he had been all week.
"Almost every clone is created after the death of their original: a replication
of a mother, father, a long-lost relative... and since every clone starts life
from birth, any physical similarities take years to be obvious to an outsider.
For all you know, there could be dozens of clones in this town."
Jensen sat up a little, looking around the living room like a clone was just
going to appear out of thin air. "Really? And how do I know you're not a
clone?"
"You're just gonna have to trust me on that one," Jared laughed softly,
stroking fingers down Jensen's arm. They'd only discussed clones a couple of
times when they were younger and it hadn't occurred to Jared how Jensen might
feel now. The smile fell from his face and he straightened up, gaze narrowing
on his lover. "What if I was?"
"If you were a clone?" Jensen shrugged and swirled his fingers through Jared's
hair, gathering up the strands and releasing slowly. "Well, like you said, I
wouldn't even know. And why should it make a difference? You're still you,
clone or not, and I still love you. Actually I think clones are kind of cool."
"Cool?" Jared laughed and relaxed further back in the chair, relieved to hear
Jensen speak that way. "It's not like they come with special superpowers."
Jensen shifted on Jared's lap, legs falling to either side of his body and
dipping forward so their lips could slide together. "Yes I know, I realize
there are no superpowers. But that would be awesome. It's just, if you think
about, it costs a lot to clone a person, right? So if you think someone is
special and important enough to pay all that money to get cloned, then they
have to be fucking awesome, right?"
Pulling back from Jensen's always-distracting lips, Jared considered his lover
and slowly grinned. "That is the best logic I've ever heard. You, my crazy
little lover, are kind of amazing."
"God, don't I know it?" Jensen smirked and dragged his hands down Jared's
chest, slowly sliding off his lap to fall between his spread legs. "Should I
keep proving just how amazing I am?"
"Absolutely," Jared moaned, lifting his hips as Jensen tugged at his jeans,
slipping the material down and instantly pushing his head forward.
Jared would never get tired of the heat of Jensen's mouth around his flesh. His
fingers slipped through blond locks, pulling Jensen further down as the man
drank him in. Jared forced his eyes open and stared down at Jensen, moaning as
the man's lust-dark eyes lifted up to him, full lips circled perfectly over his
aching flesh.
"God you are so gorgeous like this," Jared groaned and worked his legs just a
little further apart, dragging his thumb along the spit forming over Jensen's
bottom lip.
His free hand tightened in Jensen's hair, thrusting his hips up between perfect
swollen lips. It sent bursts of pleasure rolling through him watching his cock
slide free of Jensen's lips then back up into the tight heat of his perfect
mouth. As far as Jared was concerned, they could spend the next month in bed
and it still wouldn't be enough.
He wanted to live this moment forever, memorize the feel of Jensen's throat
fluttering around his flesh, but each time he thrust forward his orgasm pushed
up, closer to the edge. So when Jensen's head lifted, fingers rolling steadily
over his balls, Jared wasn't that surprised by the deep moan that rose up in
him.
"Jen," Jared dragged out his lover's name and fisted his hair tight, holding
the man down on his cock as he fucked upward and let loose. His orgasm sent
that delicious slide of tingling sensation through every inch of him from head
to toe and Jensen swallowed everything he had without hesitation.
Several long moments later Jared slowly released his grip, slumping back in the
chair and panting roughly. He felt the soft press of kisses along his thighs
before Jensen tugged his jeans up, fixing him neatly back in place.
When Jensen crawled back up onto his lap Jared smiled and tugged him in for a
slow kiss, chasing all the tastes of himself lingering in the man's mouth. "How
about I return the favor?"
"That would be an awesome thing for you to do." Jensen grinned into the kiss
and squirmed just a little closer.
~~
Something loud clattered above him, possibly for the fifth time in just as many
minutes, and he finally broke his concentration from the report he was reading
and looked up. "Jen? What the hell are you doing up there?"
Another loud clatter echoed down from the roof and Jared turned quick enough to
see something fall past the window. Snorting a laugh, Jared pushed out of his
chair and half jogged out of the cabin, walking a few steps further from the
house and turning back to peer up at the roof.
"Jensen, what are you doing up there?" Jared covered his eyes, peering up at
his lover as he walked across the roof.
"I'm fixing up these damn wooden slats. Unless you think someone's actually
going to buy this shack when that's actively leaking water," Jensen called
back, tossing one of the wooden pieces down at Jared. "You could get off your
lazy ass and come help me."
"My lazy ass and shack? You think insults are the way to win over my heart?"
Jared reached down to pick up the wood that had fallen by his feet, tossing it
in his hand. "I really don't think I'd actually be any help. I'd probably take
a wrong step and crash right through the roof."
Jensen laughed and stepped forward, his shoes slipping along the wooden
surface. Jared took a few quick steps forward, his breath hitching as the man's
legs slipped out from under him and he fell, slipping down the slanted roof
top.
"Jensen!" Jared called out, heart lurching painfully in his chest. "Hold on!"
"I'm fine, I'm good." Jensen caught himself along the roof edge and pushed up,
rolling slowly and groaning as he rubbed over his leg. "Just a little slip."
Jared's heart was still racing in his chest, his eyes widening as Jensen inched
to the edge of the room and jumped down, landing just in front of him. "God,
fuck, don't do that to me, you could have seriously hurt yourself." He stepped
forward swiftly and wrapped his arms around Jensen, tugging him in close.
Jensen's body shook as he laughed, cinching his arms tight around Jared and
turning in to brush their lips together. "It would have been a broken leg at
the worst. I'm just fine though, see? You need to stop being so paranoid."
"Well if you'd stop putting your life in danger, Jesus." Jared groaned and slid
his fingers over the back of Jensen's skull, closing his eyes and breathing in
the man's unique smell.
"Oh yes, I need to stop jumping in front of speeding trains and dodging
bullets," Jensen muttered and laughed, stepping back from Jared and slapping
his shoulder. "Seriously, mother hen, stop freaking."
Jared groaned as he followed Jensen back into the cabin. "I am not a mother
hen."
"You most definitely are. I mean, what about when we have kids? Are you going
to wrap them up in a giant bubble?" Jensen laughed and headed into the kitchen,
tugging open the fridge and grabbing a bottle of beer.
All of Jared's worry and fear seeped from him, replaced by the excited tingle
buzz burning through his veins. "When we have kids, huh?"
Jensen's words seemed to catch up with him a moment later, the beer bottle
hesitating against his lips. "Um, guess I said that, huh?"
It wasn't like Jared had never thought about it, having children with Jensen,
but just because his lover was okay with cloning didn't mean he supported all
the other genetic possibilities. It was a fine line that people were pretty
strongly opinionated about.
Stepping forward, Jared slid along the counter edge and reached out, letting
his fingers smooth over Jensen's. "So, you want to have kids someday?"
"The thought had occurred to me, on more than one occasion." Jensen moved
forward as well, matching Jared's step. His hand lifted and pressed flat
against Jared's stomach, slipping under the cotton of his shirt to smooth over
the warm skin. "Haven't you thought about it? Saving up, paying for the genetic
implants… I think the guest room would make an excellent nursery."
Jensen's touch running over his stomach sent shivers of pleasure through Jared
and he sucked in a quick breath, closing his eyes and leaning into Jensen's
warmth. "I have thought about it. God, a lot more than you can know. I just
didn't know if you'd want that. But I mean, I would love carrying your child,
our child. And yeah, the guest room would make a fantastic nursery."
A wide grin spread across Jensen's lips and he stepped closer, sliding his hand
down the front of Jared's jeans. "Good. Then we can use the money we make
selling this shack, once I fix it up of course, and make ourselves a baby."
"Jensen Ackles, how un-gentlemenly of you." Jared huffed and stepped back,
shoving at Jensen and smirking. "I am a proper sir and I couldn't possibly have
your baby unless we were married first."
"Oh is that so? Well then, I guess we better do things right and get hitched
first." Jensen laughed, snagging Jared's hand and tugging him out of the
kitchen and down the hall.
Jared wasn't completely sure that Jensen wasn't just joking around but he
grinned and followed after his lover, just like he always would.
~~
"Jensen? What are we doing?" Jared clutched tighter to the fingers curled with
his, free hand lifting to trail over the blindfold covering his eyes.
"Don't you dare," Jensen stopped, spinning around to swat Jared's hand away.
"No peeking."
A faint smile played across Jared's lips and he stepped a little closer to
Jensen, trying to guess where they might be walking to. Jared trusted Jensen
completely so it wasn't that big of an issue to walk through the darkness, even
if the path was rocky and unstable. And it wasn't like this was the first time
they'd used the blindfold... no, over the last couple of months Jared had
learned just how creative Jensen could be with things like blindfolds.
"I've been really looking forward to this," Jensen murmured, pressing a kiss to
Jared's shoulder. "Nothing sexier than watching you stumble around through the
forest."
Jared laughed softly and bumped purposefully hard into Jensen's side. "Yeah,
yeah, you're hilarious. Just you wait, mister, payback is a genuine bitch."
"If it makes you feel any better, I'll totally let you tie me up as
retribution." Even if Jared couldn't see, he knew Jensen was smirking; it was
clear by the way he spoke.
It was enough to make Jared laugh even louder, crashing into Jensen when the
man suddenly stopped. "Thank god I'm not really blind; you kind of suck at
this."
"Bite your tongue and prepare to love me even more."
In the next moment sunlight was beaming down on Jared, causing him to blink a
few times as he adjusted from the darkness. When his vision cleared his gaze
settled on his Grandpa's familiar cabin and the For Sale sign planted firmly in
the front yard.
Jared slowly looked around the cabin, the brand new roof, the freshly-painted
front porch, the repaired shutters, it looked brand new. About a month ago
Jensen had forbade him from coming to the cabin while he finished his work and
now Jared was glad he had - though he had bitched a lot about it during the
time - because seeing it finished like this was amazing.
"Wow, you've already finished it all?" Jared finally turned back to look at
Jensen, beaming down at his lover.
Jensen shrugged and blushed - Jared loved when he did that - and ducked his
head down. "Well you know, don't have much to do outside of pleasing you. Go on
inside, take a look at everything. Then I'll show you the listing the real
estate agent did; should fetch a pretty penny."
Laughing softly, Jared swept Jensen up into his arms and kissed him deeply,
telling the man just how thankful he was through touch alone. When he broke
from the kiss he let his forehead drop to Jensen's, arms draped loosely around
the man's middle as he turned them slowly side to side. "I am so madly in love
with you, Jensen Ackles. And you are so ridiculously perfect."
"Eh, I'm okay." Jensen huffed, punching a fist lightly to Jared's side then
laughing softly. "I love you too, Jared. Forever and always."
"Good. Let's go admire all your amazing work." Jared pulled back from Jensen
and spun, tugging the man easily inside.
~~
Jared had to bite his lip to keep from exploding into laughter. Jensen was an
absolutely horrible person and if Jared somehow managed to keep a straight face
at this point it was going to be a miracle. The man on the other side of the
counter growled something unintelligible and nearly threw the bag at them,
causing Jared to fumble and almost drop what was meant to be their dinner.
"Thank you, Mr. Riley, just um, thanks. Have a good night," Jared mumbled, a
half laugh rising up in him before he struggled to swallow it down and spun
quickly, almost shoving Jensen out the door.
The moment the shop door closed behind them Jensen exploded into laughter,
Jared joining him and slumping against his side. "Fuck, did you see the look on
his face?"
Jared groaned and latched his arm around Jensen, guiding them swiftly down the
sidewalk. "You're awful. I swear, Mr. Riley is not a vampire. He used garlic on
his pizza!"
"You mean to tell me that you, Mr. Scientist, actually believe that vampires
are affected by garlic?" Jensen scoffed, shooting Jared a bright grin as they
made their way out of town.
"So it's completely logical to believe in vampires but not the garlic thing?"
Jared snorted and shook his head, letting Jensen detach from under his arm and
lifting the bag of food up to peer inside. "He knows what we say about him; he
might have poisoned our food."
"Come on, you have to admit it's pretty suspicious that the guy looks exactly
the same as he did when we were kids. Unless HumanTech has some creepy anti-
aging product on the black markets."
Jared shuddered at the thought. Sure, HumanTech was all about advancements in
science but he was pretty sure that would never include immortality. "No anti-
aging product. Maybe he just knows how to moisturize really-"
The ear splitting loud screech of tires had Jared flinching even as he turned,
confused by the sudden dark blur that flew past his line of sight. Everything
seemed to slow down around him, the air sucked hard from his lungs as someone
nearby screamed. Jared stared at the broken bumper of the car still running
just feet from him. There was dark red blood smeared over the silver hood and a
piece of dark blue fabric caught in the fender.
Jared could feel the dull thud of his heart in his chest, could hear its steady
thrum thrum thrum in his ears. This wasn't real. This wasn't happening.
It felt like it took hours for Jared to turn from the shattered car to the body
laying a good five feet away in the middle of the street. The legs were twisted
in an impossible way, dark sticky blood pooling around the sunken in skull,
concealing pale, freckled skin.
Jared knew that dark blue sweatshirt.
"Jensen, take that off before people start thinking you're smarter than you
actually are."
"But I look so good in your clothes, baby, admit it, you love it."
"No." Jared shook his head because he couldn't tear his eyes away, not even as
someone grasped his arm, not even when the bag of rapidly cooling food fell to
the ground.
"Sir? It's okay. We've called 911. They'll be here soon." Someone - the person
who had a strong grip on his arm - was speaking but the words hardly
registered.
Everything caught up with him then with a sickening cold slap of reality. That
was Jensen's body lying broken and shattered in the middle of the road. That
was Jensen's blood sloshing under his shoes as he stepped forward. That was
Jensen's lifeless form slipping between his fingers as he reached out.
The random person from before was tugging at him again, trying to pull him
away, but Jared knocked them easily back and scooped Jensen up in his arms. It
wasn't until the cloudy green of Jensen's eyes were fixed up on him that Jared
felt truly able to suck in a breath.
What left his mouth next could only be described as a heart-wrenching wail.
Tears burned at Jared's eyes as he clutched at Jensen's motionless,
surprisingly light body, tugging him up against his chest as if he could
breathe some life back into him, could fix the crushed and shattered bones.
"No no no. This isn't real. This can't be real. Jensen you can't- you have to
come back to me. You can't leave me now. Come on Jensen, come on baby, you can
do it. Just- please. Please come back. Please don't leave me."
Jared dipped down and pressed his lips to Jensen's, exhaling through the rush
of tears because it had to help. They had so much to do, they still had a
decade of time to make up for; they'd been apart for too long to suffer through
it again.
"You promised me!" Jared gasped out, jerking back from Jensen's lips when the
tacky smear of blood slid over his skin. "You promised you weren't going to
leave. You said always! Jensen, Jensen please I love you, just wake up. You
have to. You can't do this to me!"
"Sir? Sir, you need to move out of the way now." The hands that gripped him
this time were stronger and Jared vaguely registered the wail of sirens.
It took two paramedics to lift him from the ground and for a long moment Jared
couldn't tear his eyes away from the blood soaking through his shirt. There was
so much of it, staining the road, his skin, Jared's stomach rolled as the world
tilted.
"Can you hear me? Sir?" One of the paramedics had turned him from Jensen's
body, gripping both arms forcefully and shaking.
Jared slowly lifted his gaze from the blood on his hands. The paramedic looked
young, his age, Jensen's age, how was he supposed to fix anything? "We were
supposed to get married."
"I'm sorry? Sir, are you injured at all?"
"We were supposed to get married and have babies. We were supposed to have
forever. I waited, I waited until I could give him everything and he was
supposed to be mine. You have to make him better. You have to help Jensen."
Jared knocked free of the paramedic's grip and curled his fingers over his
shirt instead, knowing that if he just tried hard enough he could make the man
understand.
"It's going to be okay. I just need you to sit down. Can you walk with me over
here?" The paramedic led Jared to the open back of the ambulance, his face
softening with concern.
Jared wanted to break free of the touch. He didn't want the concern. He wanted
this paramedic to go fix Jensen so they could have all those things were
supposed to have. "You have to help him! I'm fine, I'm- it's just blood. You
have to, he needs you. Go do your goddamn job!"
"Sir, you need to calm down." As Jared knocked him back, trying to shove him
toward the street once more, the paramedic reached out and gripped his
shoulders, shaking Jared hard enough his head whiplashed. "Jensen is dead! He's
dead. You need to sit down and breathe."
All the energy was sucked from Jared as the paramedic's words registered.
"I love you, Jared. Forever and always."
Jared's skin and clothes were stained with Jensen's blood and he saw nothing
but Jensen's cloudy green gaze whenever his eyes closed. His hands shook as he
fell to his knees and the sob that wracked his shoulders echoed louder than the
still shrill wail of the ambulance.
Jensen was dead.
***** Chapter 3 *****
How had Jared gotten here?
"Mr. Padalecki? I'm sorry, have you finished with those forms?" The nurse's
voice was quiet and soothing, a gentle and warm smile on her lips.
Jared slowly looked up from the paper on the desk in front of him. He blinked
and saw Jensen's smile. He swallowed thickly and heard the faint distant swell
of Jensen's laughter. Everything spun and Jared felt like he was going to be
sick.
"How about some water?" The nurse suggested, turning away and returning a
moment later with a glass filled to the brim. "I understand how upsetting this
must be, Jared. Just take your time, fill out everything you can."
There was a gentle squeeze along his shoulder then the woman was gone, leaving
Jared alone with the form he'd been handed sometime after he'd arrived at the
hospital. How long had passed since his world flipped upside down and his heart
was shattered with the loss of the one person who mattered most in his world?
Did the deceased request to be stored in preparation for cloning?
Jared blinked a few more times and for the first time in what had to have been
hours, his heart fluttered with something that wasn't gut-churning agony. This
paperwork was for Jensen's parents - who had to have been called by now - but
Jared suddenly surged forward to finish it before they arrived.
Cloning, yes, the required parts of Jensen's body would be stored and then once
some time had passed... Jared would talk to the Ackles. They would understand.
They would want him back just as much as Jared did, surely.
Forcing himself to finish filling out the form - date of birth, organ donor,
social security number - Jared stood and slowly left the office. The world just
kept moving around him, people were heading in and out of the emergency room,
some were smiling and some were crying, but Jared kept forgetting how to
breathe.
"Jared?" Mrs. Ackles gasped from across the waiting room just seconds after
Jared had handed the sympathetic nurse the completed form. "Oh Jared, what
happened? They said there was an accident."
Jared couldn't stand the idea of being the one to tell them. He could barely
get Jensen's name out without bursting into tears, how was he supposed to tell
them? How could he say that his heart had just been torn out, that his entire
world had just been shattered?
"Jensen..." Mr. Ackles looked past Jared, scanning over his shoulder before
settling his gaze on Jared once more, his shoulders slumping. "He's not okay...
is he?"
Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Jared slowly shook his head and closed
his eyes when a sob fell from Mrs. Ackles.
In the next moment the nurse from before was beside them, reaching out for Mrs.
Ackles to lead her in back. Jared knew they would explain all the details, fill
in all the missing pieces, and he couldn't stay here any longer. He turned to
watch the Ackles disappear in back, catching Mr. Ackles' gaze for just a moment
before the door swung shut.
Jared's steps felt heavy as he walked slowly out of the hospital, knowing the
walk back home was going to take a good hour at least. It didn't matter, Jared
needed the walk and the fresh air because it still felt like nothing had sunk
in and this was just some horrible nightmare.
~~
The house was so quiet it was deafening. Jared laid flat on his back in their
bed, catching the occasional drift of Jensen's scent from the pillow at his
side. He hadn't moved in so long, too long, and he could feel the slow drop and
open of his eyelids like it took any last wisps of his energy.
For the dozenth or so time Jared listened to the phone ring. It wasn't his
parents; he hadn't spoken to them in years and he was pretty sure they had no
idea where he was, but it could be Jensen's parents. It had been them before at
least. Jared didn't think he could get the words to form on his tongue so he
closed his eyes and braced himself as the answering machine picked up.
Hello, you've reached Jensen and Jared. We're out climbing rocks. Leave a
message and we'll get back to you eventually.
It didn't get any easier hearing Jensen's voice through the staticky recording.
Jared's heart ached like someone had reached into his chest and was squeezing a
fist tight around the muscle. He kept thinking maybe he'd change the message,
delete it, but then he wouldn't have Jensen's voice at all and that was too
painful to even imagine.
Jared? It's Alan. I know... I understand the pain you're going through. Sitting
alone for days in that house isn't going to help. Tomorrow is the funeral and
we'd really like you to be there and speak about Jensen, I think you knew him
better than any of us. We'd really like to see you so please consider coming,
it's at one. And you know you can call if you need anything. Take care.
There were a thousand reasons Jared didn't want to go no matter how supportive
Jensen's parents might be inclined to be. How could he face everyone and handle
their sympathy? What would he say that properly expressed just how important
Jensen was to him and how a life without him was impossible?
Pushing up to sit, Jared slid to the edge of the bed and slowly stood, taking a
moment to let the world even out and stop spinning around them. There was
really only reason to go to the funeral and even thinking it made him shudder
and ache. Because his last chance to really say goodbye to Jensen was this
funeral and he wasn't sure he could miss that opportunity.
The shirt Jared was wearing was sweat dirty and stained and Jensen's. Jared
fingered the edge for a long minute then lifted, tugging the material off and
tossing it swiftly across the room. Jensen used to pester him all the time
about not cleaning up after himself but god, it wouldn't matter now.
Jared bit hard on his lip and crossed to the dresser, tugging open the bottom
one to dig through Jensen's shirts there. They were all clean, smelled just
like laundry soap, and Jared threw them across the room with the surge of anger
that rose up in him. Jensen would never wear these shirts again, he'd never
yell at Jared to pick up after himself, he'd never be again and Jared didn't
know how to handle that.
A sob caught in his throat when his fingers curled around soft worn wool and
his actions froze. He hadn't seen this particular beanie in ten years and in
that very moment Jared could so perfectly picture the boy running through the
rain, arms waving desperately, that beanie pulled down over sandy blond hair.
"I can't do this without you," Jared whispered and tightened his fingers around
the beanie, squeezing his eyes shut.
Eventually Jared would have to accept the world was moving on and Jensen would
never be coming back but for now he crawled across the room and curled up in
the pile of discarded clothing.
~~
"Jared, thank you for coming." Mrs. Ackles stepped forward the moment Jared
approached the small gathered crowd, her eyes lifting to the top of Jared's
head then dropping. "Where did you find that thing? I haven't seen it in
years."
Reaching up, Jared ran fingertips over the beanie he couldn't resist wearing
then dropped his hand to the side and forced himself to meet Mrs. Ackles' gaze.
"It was in one of his drawers. It seemed fitting. How are you doing Mrs.
Ackles?"
"Oh Jared, I really think it's time you start calling me Donna. We're
practically family." She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Jared,
dragging him in to press a kiss to his cheek.
Jared wanted to knock the woman back and tell her to stop, tell her this wasn't
fooling anyone, but they probably wouldn't let him stay then. It had taken all
night and countless hours sobbing into Jensen's pillow to convince himself that
he had to come and say goodbye. After all, he'd never let himself have any full
closure with Jensen back when he was a boy because he knew they'd be coming
back together.
This time, the goodbye was important.
"Hello, Jared, I think we're just about ready to begin." Mr. Ackles stepped up
to join them, grasping Jared's forearm firmly. "Are you okay with speaking?"
Jared nodded and allowed Mr. Ackles to guide him forward even if every step
felt heavy and weighted. The small crowd of people parted and Jared sucked in a
sharp breath as his eyes landed on the open casket. Part of him had hoped the
lid would be closed because he wasn't sure how he'd handle seeing Jensen's
lifeless form again but maybe he'd really start believing it if he saw.
Not that he didn't remember the cloudy green eyes, the blood-stained clothing,
the shattered bones.
"Jared? Are you sure you want to do this?" Mr. Ackles asked quietly, stopping a
few feet back.
When Jared turned to look down at the man he had to blink tears from his eyes.
"I have to... I just need to see him again. Just one more time."
"If it becomes too much or if you need to go, we'll understand." Mr. Ackles
squeezed his arm a final time then released, stepping back to give Jared his
space.
It was strange seeing Jensen in a suit, hair neatly styled, hands folded across
his chest. He looked more prim and proper than Jared had ever seen him and
Jared was so tempted to reach out and mess up his hair and tug the tie free
from around his neck. This wasn't his Jensen, not even close, and he wanted to
yell at Mrs. Ackles for changing the boy he loved so much before he disappeared
forever.
Instead of screaming, Jared slowly reached out and slid a finger over the top
of Jensen's hand. The skin felt clammy and unusual beneath his finger, like
some type of molded clay. Any signs of the damage Jensen's body had suffered
was fixed up and someone had covered his cheeks with enough make up his
freckles were nearly invisible.
"Okay if everyone would like to take a seat, we will begin."
There was a priest leading the funeral which was the last thing Jensen would
have wanted. People who went to school with him got up and spoke about how
funny Jensen was, what a unique person he'd been, how the world would be a
sadder place without him. Jared had to fight the urge to roll his eyes and
scoff. Like any of these people actually knew who Jensen was.
He only teared up again when Mrs. Ackles got up to speak, choking over words
like my baby and the perfect son. Her face had that same haunting emptiness
now, the one Jared saw when he looked in the mirror, and the little spark of
hope we'd felt the other day at the hospital grew.
Maybe she really would understand and approve.
Jared was the last to speak and the feel of everyone's eyes on him as he walked
up to the podium was almost enough to have him turn and flee. Somehow he
managed to step into place, eyes fixed on the casket enclosing his lover.
"I feel like a tether that's been cut loose," Jared whispered, wishing for just
a moment that he'd actually planned out what to say. It wouldn't matter if he
did, Jared was pretty sure he wasn't going to be able to speak for very long.
"Jensen was... Jensen is my everything. I don't know how to live without him.
Jensen is everything good in the world and now he's gone. And that... it hurts
more than I can even say."
Tears streamed down Jared's cheeks and he turned away from the podium, walking
away from the funeral and that damn open casket that held the man who wasn't
the lover he knew so well.
Jared was nearly to the edge of the cemetery when the call of his name had him
stopping, hesitating on the cement curb. His eyes lingered on the street that
would lead him back home to his solitude and the last wisps of Jensen's scent
but instead of fleeing like he was desperate to, he slowly turned back to face
Jensen's parents.
Jared needed them to like him, if he wanted to hold onto any of the faint hope
he'd been nursing over the last few days, one of the few things he had left to
hold onto. His heart sank even further as he watched Mrs. Ackles wiping the
tears from under her eyes.
"I'm sorry," he gasped out as they stopped in front of him. "I didn't mean
to... I shouldn't have spoken like that to everyone. I'm just so..."
"We understand, it's okay." Mrs. Ackles stepped forward and wrapped her arms
around Jared, drawing him in for a tight hug. "I know how you're hurting."
Jared didn't think she did; she couldn't possibly understand. Just like he
couldn't understand how she felt exactly, it was two different things. But he
hugged the woman back and pulled in deep breaths to steady himself. "It
happened so suddenly. I didn't even have time. I didn't get to tell him how
much I really truly loved him."
"Oh, Jared. He knew. Of course he knew. He never stopped loving you over all
those years." Mrs. Ackles sighed heavily and stepped back, smiling weakly up at
him. "I know it feels like too much right now but it will get better. I
promise."
"I want to clone him," Jared said in a rush, knowing this was as good of an
opening as he was likely to get. The smell fell from Mrs. Ackles face and Jared
glanced quickly from her to Mr. Ackles, desperate to get his point across
before they shut him out completely. "I can't do it without your permission.
And I know, I know it seems strange to you but I know the science, it's
perfectly safe. Jensen is so - was so amazing, so smart and full of life, he
changed the world by being here and he was taken away too soon. But it doesn't
have to be that way."
"Jared..." Mrs. Ackles slid her arms over her chest, glancing back at the crowd
still gathered around the casket then back at Jared. "I realize that cloning
might seem like... it probably seems like the best option, the only way to make
the pain stop, but cloning Jensen won't bring your Jensen back."
"No I- I know that. I really do. I understand that his genetic make-up will be
the same but his personality could be different but the core of who he is, the
important things that make up Jensen, those will be there. I've seen it work,
I've seen clones that are exactly like their originals. Jensen is too amazing
not to be on this planet." Jared allowed the tears to fall from his cheeks once
more, hoping it might help him convince the woman.
Judging from the quick exhale of breath that left her lips and the way she
turned to look at her husband, Jared didn't think he was winning her over.
"It's horrible, what happened to Jensen, and he was taken from us all entirely
too soon. But that doesn't give us the right to bring him back, no matter what
form that might be in. We had our time with Jensen and we have to be grateful
for that and move on. We have to just savor the time we had."
That was easy for Mrs. Ackles to say: she'd had twenty-four years with Jensen.
Jared's time with him however only totaled up to five and a half months, and
since he had been planning their forever, it wasn't nearly enough time. "But
who says that has to be the end? Who knows what else he might be able to
accomplish if-"
"I said no!" It was the loudest Jared had ever heard Mrs. Ackles speak and just
like that all the hope he'd been clinging to fizzled out.
Swallowing hard, Jared slowly nodded and stepped back, shoving his hands into
his pockets. After all, there was no going through with the cloning without the
original’s parents’ permission, no matter what connections Jared had.
"I understand," he whispered and turned away, holding up his hand when Mr.
Ackles called out to him. "I... I have to go. I can't... I just can't be here
anymore."
Jared quickened his step and kept his head ducked down, blinking through the
tears blurring his vision.
~~
It took a week for Jared to get himself together enough to check his work
emails. He had contacted them shortly after Jensen's death to let them know he
needed a break and after he'd explained the situation they'd said he could take
all the time he needed. But a week out and there was only so much crying and
lying in bed Jared could do. So he figured work had to be the best - and only -
distraction.
There was surprisingly little offered up in the way of distractions though.
Five of the ten emails he had were memos that only mattered for in-office
employees. One was a company newsletter and the last four were co-workers
offering up their sympathies. Jared just wanted something to take a moment of
the heartache away.
Groaning, Jared dropped his fist hard on the desk and watched as a stack of
papers slid off the back and fell to the floor. The house was such a mess,
Jared could almost perfectly imagine the way Jensen would scoff and call Jared
a slob.
"I'm such a wreck without you," Jared muttered and slid out of his chair onto
the floor, scooping the papers up into his lap and shifting them into some type
of order.
Male Genetic Implant Application:
Parent donor name: Jensen Ross Ackles
Parent implant name: Jared Tristan Padalecki
Jared's heart skipped a beat then clenched in that horribly painful way he'd
been struggling through so many times in the last week. He knew they had
discussed having children, Jensen had seemed into the idea, but he'd never
realized just how much Jensen had wanted it. There was a stamp at the bottom of
the application, one HumanTech always placed on documents when they were picked
up in a local office.
The date on this particular application was from the year before, in November,
a full seven months before Jared had returned. The fact that Jensen had
traveled two hours to the local HumanTech and picked up these applications
himself, months before Jared showed up, and prepared all of this, was enough to
bring a strangled sob to Jared's lips.
Why had their future been taken from them? Why hadn't he had the chance to
carry Jensen's child and give him the happily ever after he knew they were
meant to have?
There was a loud knock on the door, pulling Jared's attention from the paper in
his lap that was rapidly smearing from the tear drops staining it. No one came
to see him here. In fact, Jared hadn't seen a single person since he left the
funeral four days ago.
At least, he was pretty sure it was four days. Jared sniffed and wiped at his
eyes, pushing up to his feet and slowly crossing through the living room. He
wondered if maybe it was the real estate agent, he'd kind of been ignoring her
phone calls. But someone could have made an offer on the cabin and at least
that would be one good thing.
It wasn't the real estate agent. Actually it was one of the last people he
expected to see considering the way he'd left the funeral.
"Mr. Ackles?" Jared frowned and leaned against the doorway. He was suddenly
terrified the man had come to collect some of Jensen's things. He hadn't packed
up anything, hadn't even cleaned up the clothes he'd thrown all over their
bedroom, and he certainly wasn't ready to give up anything that belonged to the
man.
"Hello, Jared. Please, call me Alan." The man smiled and slowly twisted the
paper in his hand, glancing over his shoulder then back.
Jared shifted uncomfortably, not sure what protocol he had to use in a
situation like this. "Okay. Alan. Can I help you with something?"
"I came to give you this." Alan held up the piece of paper, his eyes fixing on
Jared as he reached out to take it. "Donna doesn't know. You can't tell her."
Jared nodded slowly and grasped the paper, eyes widening as he scanned the
form. He would have recognized it anywhere, a permission form for cloning from
the original's parent. This time the way Jared's heart leaped was life-
affirming. "But I thought..."
"I know. Donna doesn't approve. She's Jensen's mother, you know, the idea of
anyone else carrying her baby boy... it's just too much. But you were right
when you said Jensen was taken from us too soon. He had so much to give this
world and the way he died, it wasn't right or fair and it certainly wasn't
natural causes. I don't want to keep living knowing he's not here. In some
form."
Hope was burning bright through Jared in a way he hadn't thought he'd ever feel
again. A slow smile grew on his lips and the tears that formed in his eyes were
from something not at all sad. "Thank you."
"Jared, you know it won't be like before right? Donna and I, we're moving out
of state, this child is going to be like your son. You understand you won't get
your Jensen back, right?" Alan reached out and laid a hand on Jared's arm,
squeezing softly.
The scientist in Jared understood and well, any other part he chose to ignore.
He nodded at Alan and smiled just a little more. "I do understand. All I want
is to give Jensen another chance at life. Do you want... is there a way I can
contact you? To let you know..."
"No. I don't want to be involved. It's better if we're not. Just knowing he's
out there will be enough." Alan smiled and stepped in, wrapping Jared up in a
tight hug. Just before he pulled back he spoke against Jared's ear, "Take care
of my boy."
Jared squeezed the man back hard and nodded. "I absolutely will."
~~
So much of Jared wanted to hop in the car and drive the two hours to HumanTech
the moment Alan handed over the permission form, knowing his connections as an
employee could bump him up the waiting list. But as he walked through the house
to the master bedroom his eyes slid over the piles of trash and dirty clothes
and his steps drew to a halt. This house was not ready for a child, even if
Jared had nine months to prepare.
There were some things Jared had to take care of first, before he got pregnant
and brought his own Jensen into the world.
With a soft sigh he turned and headed for the kitchen, grabbing a few trash
bags to start in on the mess. Picking up the trash and gathering his own
clothes was easy. It was packing the rest of the stuff, Jensen's stuff, that
was going to be hard.
Jared decided to start slow. Over the next few days he managed to sort through
Jensen's remaining paperwork in the office and send an email out to HumanTech
to begin the cloning process. He started working again which was the perfect
kind of distraction when reality hit a little too hard - like the time he found
a scribbled grocery list Jensen had written with a little pattern of hearts and
J's along the edge.
The next week, a full twenty days after Jensen's death, Jared managed to pack
up the clothes in the extra closet and dresser drawers. He stored them in the
now-empty closet because he couldn't stand the idea of throwing them out.
It seemed like a big step and Jared spent a few extra days crying in bed
because it drained all the energy from him and made his heart ache like a fresh
wound all over again.
Every day that passed was like another little step forward and the heavy weight
on Jared's shoulders lightened; it became just a little easier to breathe.
After a month of without Jensen at his side, Jared thought he was just about
ready to proceed with the cloning.
Which, of course, would be the exact moment his parents decided it was time to
contact him after a five year silent stretch.
"Hello?" Jared was actually in a pretty good mood when the phone rang. He'd
managed to go an entire day without bursting into tears and he'd started
painting the nursery a light shade of blue that Jensen had always loved. Little
steps at a time, that was all that mattered.
"Jared? It's your mother."
The paint brush in Jared's hand wavered for a moment, the smile falling from
his lips as his grip tightened around the phone. "Mom? I... Mom? Why are you
calling me? I mean, how did you even get this number?"
"We work for the same company, Jared. Honestly, I know you're smarter than
this." His mom sighed heavily into the phone and Jared could easily picture the
way her eyes narrowed as they always did when she wasn't pleased with him.
"I've been told you're on the cloning implant list."
Ah, of course. This was naturally the one thing big enough to finally capture
his parents’ attention. Hell, not even graduating at the top of his class had
been enough to pull them away from their work. "Those records are supposed to
be confidential, you know. You had no right to dig into my business."
"You are my son, Jared; this is just as much my business as it is your
father’s. Who is it?" As per usual, Mom was all business, and Jared finally set
his paint brush down before he did some serious damage.
"Why do you even care? It's not like you'll even be part of his- you won't even
be part of our lives." Jared turned and paced from the room. It was the non-
scientific part of his brain that drove him away from the place baby Jensen
would call his, not wanting any negative vibes to linger there.
"You can be so foolish sometimes, Jared. You don't always think with your brain
when you should. Just because you're hurting now doesn't mean you even
understand what it's like having a child. It is a great responsibility and it
changes your life forever. You lose your freedom and your independence. Do you
really think you're ready for that?"
Jared drew to an abrupt halt halfway to the kitchen, not even really that
surprised when he didn't feel the pang in his heart at his mother's cold and
callous words. After the heart-wrenching pain he'd struggled with over the last
month, talking to his mother was really just an annoyance.
"You know what, mom, I already love this baby and I haven't even gone through
the implantation yet. I love him more than you could ever possibly understand
because I'm not using my brain. That's how I know I can give him the life he
deserves. I will give him everything you weren't ever able to give your own
child and all the things your perfect science mind could never understand. Now
can you stop this sham of a lecture and get to whatever real point made you
call?"
The line was silent for a long time, long enough Jared had to pull the device
back and look at the screen just to make sure the line was still connected. By
the time he brought it back up to his ear his mom was speaking again. "You are
not to associate your father and I with this, you understand? No using our
names to pull in favors. If you decide to go through with this... it's all on
you. Got it?"
Jared slid a hand up through his hair and blew out a slow, steady breath. "I
don't need your name for any sort of favors. I have my own. Don't contact me
again."
He hung up before the woman could respond and considered the swell of emotions
that rose up in him. He expected agitation, annoyance, maybe even some pain.
Instead it was just the strongest determination he'd ever felt. Jared slowly
grinned as he dropped the phone on the couch and headed back to the nursery to
finish painting.
For the first time in a month Jared had absolutely no doubt about his decision.
He was ready for this baby.
~~
"So, Jared, have you read all the paperwo-"
"Maggie, I've written enough essays to fill a book about male implantation and
cloning, I know what's going to happen." Jared laughed softly, shifting back on
the examination table.
The normal waiting list time for a cloning implantation could be up to a year
but this was the one place Jared managed to use his connections and cut the
time down to only two months. It had still felt like a lifetime; endless hours
sitting alone in his home and completely coming to grips with the knowledge
that his Jensen was truly gone.
Right around the time HumanTech had called and asked to schedule the
implantation, everything else had kind of come together. Grandpa's cabin had
sold - for full asking price and the money would go directly to the cost of
cloning - and Jared had been able to pack away the last of Jensen's things
without shedding a single tear. He had always moved the last of the guest room
furniture out, things he knew would be too heavy to move once he was pregnant.
Now, here he was, in a blue sterile hospital gown and about to have Jensen's
clone and specially-designed male womb implanted into his body. He would stay
in the HumanTech facility for three days to ensure his body didn't reject the
foreign tissue and if the pregnancy stuck then he would be free to head home
until his three month checkup.
For the entire two hour drive Jared hadn't been nervous and he'd only woke up a
couple of hours early that morning with thoughts on the matter. Now though, his
palms were starting to sweat and his heart was picking up speed.
The nurse, Maggie, smiled softly at him and rubbed his arm. "Jared, it's okay.
There's no reason to be nervous. You know how many times this procedure has
been done. It's perfectly safe."
"I know. I just... this is really important to me. One of the most important
things I've ever done." Jared smiled over at her and wet his suddenly dry lips.
"Well, the journey is only just beginning so if you're going to get nervous, I
guess now is a good enough time." Maggie laughed and stepped back, gesturing to
the door. "Now are you ready to follow me? It's time to get you all knocked
up."
Jared laughed as he followed Maggie out of the room and down the hall. He
understood this process well but it was completely different being on this side
of it. Even as the anesthesiologist placed the mask over his mouth and had him
start counting down Jared found his mind exploding with all the things that
could go wrong.
What if the implantation didn't stick? What if his body rejected Jensen's
clone? What if this new Jensen didn't love him?
Jared dreamed of Jensen which really wasn't a surprise. They were roaming
through the field and their fingers were sliding together and apart. Jensen was
singing some song Jared didn't know then he laughed and pulled away completely,
turning and running through the grass. No matter how fast Jared tried to move
he couldn't catch up until suddenly he was tripping over a bundled-up baby. The
baby screamed and screamed and Jared had absolutely no idea what to do to make
him better.
"Jared?"
The soft murmur of Maggie's voice had Jared blinking his eyes, looking up at
the girl in confusion. "What happened? Did the anesthesia not work?"
Her smile grew and she shook her head. "It worked. The procedure is over. Are
you feeling alright?"
"Yeah. I had a really strange dream though." Jared frowned and shifted up
slightly, fiddling on the mattress until Maggie's words caught up with his
sleep-fuzzy mind. His gaze snapped up to the nurse and his hand dropped to his
stomach. "It worked? I... I'm pregnant?"
Maggie stepped in and brushed fingers through his hair. "Yes, you're pregnant.
Congratulations. Now you can look forward to morning sickness and weird
cravings. Enjoy!"
She left the room laughing but Jared didn't mind her teasing. Instead his hand
settled even firmer over his stomach, rubbing slowly over the flat surface. It
would be months until he was showing, Jared knew that, but it didn't mean the
baby wasn't there.
"Grow strong little Jen, Daddy's here waiting for you." Jared grinned and
closed his eyes.
~~
Morning sickness, as it turned out, was worse than Jared had read about.
Everyone - at least most of the women at HumanTech he saw in the hospital - had
warned him about that but Jared decided it had to be one of the things you
lived through. And as he learned over the following three months, living it
wasn't all that grand.
Jared had thought he'd use his time continue to work on the nursery - he had a
whole stencil set of fields and flowers to paint along the baseboards - but it
didn't take long to discover that the smell of paint made him nauseous. As did
the smell of laundry detergent, and kitchen cleaner, and most foods.
For those three months Jared lived off a steady diet of soda crackers and
Sprite and the occasional piece of cheese when he could stomach it. Well, that
and his pill regime which at least ensured his nutrition was adequate for him
and baby Jen.
When he drove the two hours back to HumanTech for his three month checkup he
was thrilled at the idea of being done with the sickness. It was really all
that was on his mind, which was why he hadn't realized what else might take
place during the appointment.
For the first time he was given the chance to see baby Jensen through an
ultrasound. He had been starting to notice the swell of his stomach and every
now and then he could have sworn he felt a little flutter as he lay flat in bed
at night with his hand stroking over the skin but he couldn't be sure. Staring
at the ultrasound screen in HumanTech was completely different though. The
image was just fuzzy, blurry, but the distinct outline of a baby. His baby. His
Jensen.
That night Jared lay in bed and stared up at the image in his grasp, free hand
resting over the bare swell of skin. He hummed softly and thought of the
amazing being he was bringing into the world. There were so many things Jared
couldn't wait to teach Jensen, a whole wide world he couldn't wait to show him.
And that time, as his fingers stroked over his belly, Jared was absolutely sure
he felt the flutter.
~~
It seemed like one morning during month five Jared woke and suddenly he was
huge. He was sure it was a much more gradual thing than that but it certainly
didn't feel like it. Jared was tall so he'd thought he wasn't going to show
much but apparently he'd been wrong.
The movements of baby Jensen were growing stronger, too. Jared could feel the
press against his abdomen, the flips and turns, it seemed just like something
Jensen would do. Which was probably the reason Jared's thoughts began to drift.
He sat on the floor of the nursery, painting green over stencils and taking
large bites of a turkey sandwich with apple pieces and peanut butter tucked
inside. He felt the press and turn and flutter of baby Jensen in his stomach
and wondered just how different he would be. What if this child was nothing
like his Jensen at all?
What if he ended up hating Jared like Jared hated his own parents? What if
Jared built up all of these expectations in his mind about how this baby would
fill that void in his heart and none of it played out that way? All of his
hopes, his happiness, were resting on this child in growing in him.
That was too much pressure to put on a baby.
Jared could very easily not be a good father; after all, it wasn't like he had
any experience in the matter. Sure he'd always wanted kids but he'd also always
pictured Jensen there with him to help, certainly not that his child would be
Jensen. What if in the end he turned out just like his own parents?
"God, am I in over my head?" Jared mumbled and set his paintbrush down,
dropping his hand to his rounded belly and rubbing softly.
There was an answering soft press against his palm just a moment later and a
soft smile stretched across Jared's lips. It wasn't really an answer, not
technically, but it was the best he was going to get.
Jared supposed he would always have those worries, whether he'd be a good
parent and love Jensen enough, but there wasn't any way he could change it. He
could only continue to prepare for the baby's arrival and hope that when the
time came, the worries went away.
Or maybe he would just have even more worries.
"Oh, baby Jen, I promise I'm gonna try to be the best for you," Jared whispered
and took another large bite of his stomach, laughing when the baby in his belly
flipped around. "At least you like the food."
Jared resumed painting the field along the bottom of the wall, pushing the
worries aside for now.
~~
Every part of Jared was humming pleasantly, even if he was exhausted from a two
hour drive to HumanTech, a doctor's appointment, and a two hour drive home.
When he pulled into the parking lot of the local grocers he couldn't resist
reaching out for the ultrasound photos once more. At seven months, the 3D image
of the baby was absolutely perfect. Jared could see the perfectly formed little
head, adorable little nose, and in one image baby Jensen was even waving at
them. Or well, it looked like he was.
Just seeing some of the images made the worries he kept battling lessen and the
smile on his face lingered as he pushed the car door open and heaved himself
out. As it turned out, being so very pregnant made it a lot harder to get
around. Jared wasn't sure he was going to be able to fit behind the wheel of
his car much longer.
Humming softly, Jared grabbed a grocery cart and headed into the store, ready
for a next round of cravings shopping. The crazy things Jared felt like eating
were often pretty damn entertaining. Like last week when he'd chopped up an
onion and mixed it with his oatmeal. That had been the best thing he'd tasted
since the M&M's dumped in Sprite.
It didn't occur to Jared until he was a few aisles into the store that he was
being watched by nearly everyone he passed. And they weren't just subtle
glances either. Some people were outright staring at him and Jared slowly
wrapped arms over his body, trying to protect his belly as if the stares might
actually penetrate and hurt his baby.
None of these people could know exactly who his baby was but it didn't seem to
matter. He had always known Fort Evans was a closed-minded community, that even
the idea of male impregnation disgusted them, but he didn't understand why they
couldn't support life. Jared was helping to bring a precious, amazing life into
the world and these people looked like they wanted to kick him out of the
store.
"Filthy," someone whispered as they hurried quickly past Jared.
With a sigh Jared kept his gaze fixed on the shelves, hurrying to place items
into the cart. He could hear the whispers continuing and he blamed the tears
forming in his eyes on the hormones from the pregnancy. Jared's heart was
beginning to beat faster with the fear that someone might do something, maybe
snap and hurt him or baby Jensen somehow.
As the panic began to grow in Jared his actions quickened. He was nearly
throwing things into the cart, probably snatching up too many things for that
matter, but he couldn't handle the way his skin was crawling. Jared rounded the
corner and came face to face with a group of men talking in not so quiet
whispers, glaring his way.
"We really don't need disgusting faggots like that in our town," one of the men
hissed, narrowing his gaze at Jared and stepping forward.
Sucking in a sharp breath Jared turned quickly from the aisle, pushing his cart
further from the group of men. The rest of the people weren't even bothering to
be quiet any longer, calling Jared a variety of names that he'd never want
Jensen to hear. He didn't understand the way people could be so full of hatred.
His baby wasn't even born yet and everyone in this town had cast their
judgement.
Jared kept his head down and finished his grocery shopping because he had to
but he knew this was a place he wouldn't be able to return to. Not if he wanted
to keep Jensen safe, which was the only thing that mattered.
~~
The way Jared's hands were shaking was probably understandable. This was the
day he'd been waiting for. Over the last eleven months - god it had really
almost been a year since he lost Jensen - everything Jared had done and
prepared for had been for this one moment alone.
"Wow, look at you, Jared, just about ready to burst!" Maggie laughed softly as
she stepped into the room pushing a wheelchair forward. "I bet you're ready for
that little guy to come on out, huh?"
Jared laid his hand over the large swell of his belly, rubbing against the hard
press of Jensen's hand or foot or maybe even his head. He couldn't tell the
difference anymore and mostly it was just kind of painful. He was pretty sure
Jensen was more ready to be out of him than Jared was to have him out.
After all, with the baby tucked safely inside him, Jared knew the rest of the
world couldn't get to him. But now in an hour or so Jensen would be his
completely to look after and what if he couldn't keep him safe?
"I'm not sure," Jared finally admitted, looking up at Maggie with a nervous
smile. "But I think he's ready. Needs some more room."
"Jared, you're going to be an excellent father. I'm sure of it." Maggie stepped
forward and rubbed over his arm, her smile turning comforting. "That look in
your eyes, the way you touch your stomach, you already love him so much and I
can see that. You're going to be the best; I'm sure of it."
"Thanks, Maggie. I really appreciate it. Is it time?"
When the women nodded he stood, wobbling for a moment until his balance
recovered and he was able to shuffle forward to the wheelchair. Sitting down
was a different matter entirely and Maggie was thankfully right there helping
him or else he might have fallen. Being so unevenly balanced was one of the
hardest things he'd had to adjust to.
Maybe it was because of the worry and nerves Jared was struggle with but it
seemed like everything was racing by. He suddenly found himself in the
operating room, a blue paper curtain drawn up above his belly while the Doctors
began numbing his midsection. Jared could feel the way his heart picked up
speed and his fingers curled into tight fists, willing himself to be calm.
"Alright Jared, you'll probably feel a strange pressure. If you start feeling
sick at all just let us know, okay?" Maggie spoke through the cover over her
mouth, pushing fingers back from the hair on his forehead.
Jared nodded shakily and closed his eyes, pulling in slow deep breaths. He
could still perfectly draw up the image of Jensen's smile, the sound of his
laughter, the feel of his lips. All traces of the man had been tucked away from
his room but that was okay, pretty soon he would have Jensen back.
A different Jensen, a baby version of his lover, and a clone that was his son
but... still Jensen. That was all that mattered.
It felt like hours - was probably only minutes - later when Jared's eyes
snapped open. A small cry rose about the clatter of medical instruments and the
murmur of the doctors. The noise grew louder and Jared's heart raced for a
completely different reason.
"Oh Jared, he's beautiful." Maggie said quietly and Jared could see the way her
eyes crinkled even if he couldn't see her smile.
Tears welled up in Jared's eyes and the discomfort of them still working over
his midsection went away. "Can I see him? I need to see him."
"Soon, okay? They're going to clean him up and take him in for some quick
tests. By the time you're all stitched up they'll bring him in to you and
you'll be able to hold him as much as you want." Maggie murmured and stroked
over his hair once more.
"Tests? He's okay, right? Why do they need to run tests?" Jared tried to turn
and strain around the paper, desperate to see his baby, but Maggie was there
once more to soothe and calm him.
"It's okay. He's perfectly fine. These tests are standard for all clones Jared,
you know this. Now just, take some deep breaths and relax, you'll be with your
baby before you know it."
Jared didn't want to wait any longer but he had no choice. So he closed his
eyes and continued to listen to the soft cries of Jensen before the baby was
taken out of the room.
~~
As it turned out, Maggie was right.
Jared had just woken up and gotten settled in his hospital bed post-operation
when the nurse knocked softly on the door and stepped inside. She was pushing a
small little bed with plastic sides and there was a bright smile on her face.
"Hello, Jared, how are you feeling?"
Jared's eyes were trained on the little bed and the bundled up baby he could
just barely see. His smile grew and he held up his arms. "I'm good. Can I hold
him now?"
"Yes, of course. All his tests have come back great, he's in wonderful shape.
There's only one thing left for you to do." Maggie scooped the baby up and
crossed to Jared, bending over to gently lay him in Jared's arms.
"What's that?" Jared whispered without looking up. His eyes were trained wholly
on the child now cradled in his arms. When the baby's eyes fluttered open and
revealed familiar bright green, Jared inhaled sharply and his heart lurched.
"You've got to name him," Maggie murmured and reached out to smooth the blanket
down.
Tears once more formed along Jared's eyes but it was only happiness that rose
up in him, the swell of his heart growing in a way he'd never expected. "His
name is Jensen."
"That's a beautiful name. I'll go finish up the paperwork and give you two some
time." Maggie stepped away then and Jared only vaguely listened to the sound of
the hospital door closing.
The baby in his arms blinked up at him, tiny little fingers curling around the
edge of the blue blanket he was wrapped up in. There was just the faintest
dusting of sandy hair on the top of his head and Jared slowly lifted the bundle
up to press a soft kiss to a smooth and creamy forehead.
In the next moment he reached out to the small table and grasped one of the
items he'd brought with him, slowly shifting the baby on his lap. Jared's smile
grew as he tucked the worn black beanie over the baby's head.
"Hello, Jensen," he whispered and lifted the baby once more, pressing a soft
kiss to his nose. "Welcome back."
***** Chapter 4 *****
There was a very real possibility that Jared was obsessed.
"Good morning, baby Jensen," Jared whispered though he'd been awake for a good
hour now. He wasn't as tired as he expected to be, having a new baby around,
but that had a lot to do without how amazing of a baby Jensen was.
Sure he woke Jared up at three in the morning with sobs, he occasionally was
impossible to please, and spit up in his hair, but he wouldn't have traded any
of those moments. Especially not if it also meant giving up moments like these
as well. Jared was curled around the swaddled baby, a soft smile on his lips as
he traced the chubby curves of his boy's cheeks.
"Not sure about you, but I could really go for some breakfast," Jared murmured
and rocked forward enough to press a gentle kiss to the boy's temple.
Jensen's eyes blinked open, fixing on him for just a moment before drifting to
the background with that distant glaze all newborns seemed to have. The boy was
only a month old but Jared was pretty sure he was already the smartest baby
alive. Even if a lot of parents probably thought that, Jared was sure of it.
After all, he already knew how Jensen turned out, clone or not.
Scooping the baby up, Jared brought him close to his chest and ducked down to
gently kiss him once more. He drank in the perfect little baby scent, finding
it more soothing and comforting than any coffee he might have had.
Jared weaved his way around the collection of baby toys already taking up space
in the living room, humming softly as he rocked the boy in his arms. "Daddy's
got the best little mixture waiting for you, I think you're just going to
gobble it up!"
To demonstrate his point Jared ducked down and nuzzled against Jensen's belly,
pulling back to grin at the baby. He lingered there for a moment and suddenly
the boy was smiling back at him, lips stretching out to reveal toothless gums.
Jared's heart skipped over a beat even as the smile on the baby's face faded
away.
"Man. I love you, little guy." Jared beamed and carried him over to the special
seat set up on the kitchen counter for Jensen to rest in while he prepared
breakfast for them both.
Sometimes Jared still worried about the constant questions - would he love
Jensen enough wasn't really a problem anymore though - but mostly he savored
having someone with him. He'd been alone too long and now he never would be
again.
~~
"Boo!"
Jared snapped his eyes open wide and jumped, grinning when the boy across from
him exploded into giggles. There was a stack of papers Jared was supposed to be
reading and nearly thirty emails waiting to be taken care of, but there was no
way he would stop playing with Jensen just because of his job. Sure, money was
important - he had to afford the delivery of groceries somehow - but nothing
could be better than this laugh.
The older Jensen got, the more entertaining he seemed to be. Which never failed
to amaze Jared. He couldn't quite wrap his mind around the way he loved his
son; it was almost too much.
Now if he could only get the three year-old to say Daddy. There were quite a
lot of words Jensen knew how to say and quite clearly - more than Jared
anticipated, which proved just how smart his boy was - but Daddy or any
variation of had yet to be said.
"Say Daddy," Jared urged, holding his arms out and grinning as Jensen hurried a
few steps forward. He would never forget how his heart leaped up in his chest
the first time Jensen took shaky steps forward. "Come on Jen, baby, say Daddy
for me."
"Juice please," Jensen said clearly, a bright growing across his freckled
cheeks.
They spent a lot of time playing outdoors in the forest and Jared hadn't
realized how quickly freckles would scatter across the boy's cheeks. He had
figured Jensen would get freckles, it was in his genetics, but he hadn’t
realized how easily they would appear.
Jared smiled and tried not to sigh as he stood and walked into the kitchen,
quickly filling up Jensen's juice cup. The boy was already heading his way when
Jared stepped out of the kitchen. With a brighter grin Jared stooped down and
opened his arms, offering the juice out to his son.
"Here you are. What do we say?" When Jensen took the juice he automatically
brushed the boy's hair back from his forehead, wondering if he should try to
cut it again. Last time, Jensen hadn't been too pleased with him.
Jensen smiled brightly at him and stepped into Jared's arms, turning to press a
kiss to his lips. "Thank you! Outside!"
Laughing softly, Jared carded his fingers through the boy's hair and pushed up
to his feet. "Okay, you can go out back but Daddy needs to do some work so you
can only play on the porch."
A lot of the parenting books Jared read said how important it was to talk to
your child like a grown up and he thought with Jensen it was helping. At least,
it seemed like the boy understood a lot of what he was saying.
Crossing through to the office - Jensen at his heels - Jared opened the back
door and made sure the gate was secure before allowing his son to run outside
with a squeal of excitement. For a while Jared leaned against the door and
watched his son running around the patio, moving toys from one area to another
in some order that seemed to make sense in his little boy mind.
The way Jared's heart swelled for the boy was a little overwhelming sometimes.
Like at night, when Jensen was curled up against his chest - because he refused
to spend an entire night in his room, go figure - and sometimes looked so much
like his lost Jensen it was enough to bring tears to his eyes. A part of
Jared's heart would always belong to his lover Jensen and the past they shared,
and he would never forget that man.
But the way he loved his son Jensen was different. It was protective and
fierce. It was bone-deep and strong. He didn't worry about loving his son
enough anymore. No, now he mostly worried about loving him too much.
Jared had been staring at his computer screen for a long time - probably too
long - mostly just listening to the sounds of Jensen playing in the background.
But when the noises stopped he blinked and spun in his chair, ready to bolt
outside and check on his son.
"Oh, hello." Jared drew up to a quick stop, surprised to find his son right
there watching him. He grinned slowly, eyeing the dark beanie on Jensen's head.
The boy had taken to the beanie in a way that surprised Jared. Though he
supposed it probably shouldn't. "Everything okay?"
The smile played across Jensen's lips and Jared had that feeling he got
sometimes with his son, like the boy understood so much more than any other
child could. Jensen stepped forward and laid his hands on Jared's thighs,
climbing up onto his lap and slipping his arms around Jared's shoulders.
"Did you get lonely playing outside all alone?" Jared asked softly and looped
his arms around Jensen's middle, rubbing along his back comfortingly.
Jensen squirmed on Jared's lap until he could lay both palms on Jared's cheeks.
He brought their foreheads together like Jared had done to him in the past and
let their noses bump. Something warm and... different rose up in Jared and he
closed his eyes, letting a smile grow across his lips.
"I love you, Jensen," Jared whispered and hugged Jensen just a little tighter
without pulling back from the press of their foreheads.
"Love you." Jensen echoed and Jared could feel his son's bright grin even
though his eyes were still closed. "Daddy."
Jared pulled back then, blinking his eyes open to stare down at his son. It
felt like something was being said that he didn't understand yet, something
more, but that didn't really matter. Because Jensen had finally called him
Daddy and at that moment, that was the absolute best thing he had ever heard.
~~
The thoughts were just drifting from Jared's mind, his body finally falling
into sleep, when the squeak of the bedroom door had the edge of his lips
curving up. He had spoken to Jensen hundreds of times about staying in his own
bed at night but he was such a pushover, there was no point in even trying to
lecture the boy.
Jared was pretty sure a lot of adults would lecture him on his parenting style
- he wasn't really the authoritative type - but it wasn't like they knew. In
fact, Jared could count the number of people they came into contact with over
an average year on two hands. There was Jensen's doctor for their yearly
checkups, the couple of people who took turns delivering groceries, the
principal and teacher of the home schooling online program via Skype, and the
occasional co-worker.
That was really it so Jared didn't care if his parenting style wasn't quite
right; he could do whatever he wanted.
"Daddy?" Jensen was at the edge of the bed now, bouncing gently against the
mattress. "You awake?"
"Nope, I'm sleeping. Dreaming about climbing a mountain," Jared mumbled and
turned his head away to hide his grin.
Jensen giggled anyway and quickly climbed up onto the bed, falling hard on
Jared's chest and causing a huff of air to leave him. "Faker! You were waiting
for me."
Sighing softly, Jared looped his arm around the thin boy's waist and tugged him
up until he could slip under the blanket. Jensen's fingers were dancing easily
across his chest in mindless patterns and Jared had to close his eyes at the
roll of his stomach. "You should be in your own bed tonight, Jen. You're six
years old, can't sleep with Dad forever you know?"
A soft hum fell from Jensen and he laid his cheek over Jared's heart, fingers
tapping the steady beat out. "But you want me in here. You never sleep if I
stay in my room. And I don't sleep if I try to either. So why should I?"
"Because." Jared didn't have much more logic outside of that. He knew why he
should tell Jensen to sleep in his own bed but the boy was too smart to believe
any reasoning Jared tried. Especially because Jared's heart would never be in
it. From the day he'd brought his son home from the hospital the boy had slept
in his bed, and sometimes it was the only thing that got him through some of
the worst of the sadness - when his mind wandered to memories and the one he
lost.
So Jared didn't try to come up with a real reason Jensen should go to his own
bed and Jensen wiggled just a little closer, curling easily against Jared's
side.
Jared was just about to drift off to sleep once more when his son spoke up
again in a quiet murmur. "When did he die?"
A frown tugged at Jared's lips and his hand lifted to brush through the boy's
hair. "When did who die?"
"My original." Jensen crawled his fingers up Jared's chest like this was just a
casual conversation, like Jared's breath wasn't catching in his throat and his
heart was suddenly racing.
Jared swallowed thickly and slid his hand down to Jensen's shoulder, debating
with the best way to answer. "I don't think we should talk about this now."
"It's okay Daddy, I understand. I know... I understand it. Because you're male,
and you don't have a partner, and my books say sometimes there are single
daddies and mommies that have clone babies. That's me right? That's what I am?"
Nothing about Jensen's voice sounded upset. Just his always-curious tone,
wanting to know more, learn more, understand.
Tears welled up in Jared's eyes and he squeezed Jensen just a little closer.
"There's nothing bad about what you are, you know that, right? I will tell you
about your... original, one day. But not now. Just need to know that you
understand that there's nothing wrong with you."
"I know, Daddy." Jensen crawled up and up until he could grin down at Jared.
The smile faded quickly though, the boy lifting a hand to wipe tears away from
the corner of his eye. "You love me, that means I'm super-special. Right?
That's what you say?"
Sometimes Jared didn't understand how his son could be so smart and so innocent
at the same time. It was almost too much to wrap his mind around. But it
reminded him of a boy he once knew so he smiled and leaned up to press a soft
kiss to Jensen's cheek. "Yeah, that's what I say. Now, are you gonna let me go
to sleep in peace?"
"I suppose," Jensen heaved a heavy fake sigh and dropped down once more,
tucking up against Jared. "Love you too, Daddy."
Jared squeezed Jensen to his side and tried to ignore the twist of something
like guilt in the middle of his chest.
~~
A shaky exhale fell from Jared's lips and he blinked down at the scattered
papers before them then slowly looked back up, watching as Jensen lifted one
photo after another, sorting through the papers and items curiously. For the
last four years Jensen had been begging Jared to tell him more, to tell him
everything about his original, and Jared had continued to dodge the questions.
But it was the boy's tenth birthday and Jensen had said there was nothing he
wanted more than answers so now he'd given in. Because he always gave in to
Jensen. Because he was such a sucker for the boy.
"Are you okay?" Jared was second-guessing his decision now though. Jensen had
been quiet for the best part of the last half hour, ever since Jared had
finished telling the boy his full story. It seemed like this might be a little
too much for Jensen's young brain, no matter how smart the man might be.
Jensen hummed softly and lifted the beanie, curling his fingers slowly around
the material. "It seems so strange. That this was his and now it's mine. Just
like my body was his. Were my thoughts his too?"
Shaking his head quickly, Jared slid off the couch onto his knees and crawled
forward. Jensen was just about his height like this and he took just a moment
to marvel at how quickly his boy had grown before getting his throat to work.
"No, Jensen. Your thoughts are unique. You are unique. The mold might be the
same but that doesn't make you the same. Okay?"
"But how do you know?" Jensen frowned and glanced back down, laying his fingers
over the picture of Jared as a boy, arm thrown over the shoulder of the boy
with the dark beanie and thin glasses. "You can't read my mind."
"No but you talk enough I might as well be able too." Jared teased, grinning
when the boy gave him a soft smile. "Listen to me, Jensen, and this is really
important so you better listen."
"Dad, I always listen," Jensen sighed softly, looking down at his feet. When
Jared simply continued to stare Jensen forced his gaze up and smiled a little
brighter. "I promise I'm listening."
"You are unique. You are special and amazing. I loved... I will always love the
original Jensen but the way I felt for him was different from how I love you.
Jensen, you are the smartest boy I have ever met. You are sweet and caring,
understanding and brilliant. Your future is not limited in any way, no matter
who or what you are. Never forget that." Jared brought the boy closer and
pressed a soft kiss to his forehead.
Jensen fell against Jared's chest, wrapping his arms tight around Jared's
shoulders and squeezing him. "But you'll never love me like you loved him."
The comment surprised Jared. It wasn't a worry he expected his son to have,
considering all the worries he logically could have about being a clone. Like
how the rest of the world might judge him, or how he might find someone to
spend the rest of his own life with considering the complications of his past.
Certainly not this.
Jared pulled back slightly and looked down at his son, brushing fingers through
the boy's hair. "I love you more, in some ways. I love him differently, yes,
but it doesn't mean my love for you is any less-"
"But it won't be like that." Jensen pointed to a picture of Jared and his lover
Jensen kissing taken shortly after Jared had returned from England.
It had been almost eleven years since Jared had been with his lover and in all
that time Jared had accepted that he would never see that look again. Now
though, Jared stared down at his son and there was something that flashed in
those green eyes that shouldn't be there. Something... more.
Swallowing thickly, Jared slid a hand up through his hair and sat back a
little, unsure exactly how his son's thoughts were progressing. "It can't be
like that," Jared finally whispered, almost as if to remind himself how true
that was.
Before he'd really had the chance to even wrap his mind around this entire
conversation, Jensen was stepping forward. Jared's heart quickened and his
pulse rushed in his ears as Jensen was suddenly there, pressing a soft kiss to
his lips that was so much more than the ones they'd shared as father and son.
The boy pressed harder forward and slid his lips over Jared's, clutching his
arms tightly.
The heat that built up in Jared was burning sharper than anything he'd felt in
so very long it was almost painful. A part of him wanted to scoop Jensen up
onto his lap and tug him close, wanted to tear off all of his clothes and
explore that little body he'd seen bare and in the bath so many times.
It was likely that - imagining Jensen in the bath where he sometimes still
played with his boats - that somehow broke the hold over him. Jared gasped and
pulled back from Jensen's eagerly moving lips, his heart lodging up into his
throat as he stared down at the boy with his plump, full lips.
"Jensen," Jared gasped, hand extending to brush over his son's cheeks. "You
know you mean the world to me."
"But not..." Jensen exhaled shakily and stepped back, turning to look at the
coffee table a final time before walking out of the room.
Jared stood and turned in time to watch Jensen's door close quietly. He didn't
really regret telling Jensen about his original - the boy would have pestered
until Jared gave in - but it hurt knowing how his son was affected. Jared's
lips were still tingling and he slowly sat back on the couch, closing his eyes
and laying his fingers over his mouth.
~~
It was just past two in the morning but Jared wasn't all that surprised when he
rolled onto his side and couldn't find sleep. It seemed to be something he was
missing out on more and more but maybe that was just his karma. Jared had been
selfish and needed Jensen - in any form - as part of his life.
For ten years that had meant sharing a bed with his son, watching him grow,
spending hours talking and sharing and learning. But ever since he'd shared the
truth of Jensen's creation on the boy's tenth birthday, things had changed. It
had been two years and more often than not Jared found himself alone in bed at
night.
He wasn't entirely sure why his son had pulled away the way he had but he
thought maybe the kiss had a lot to do with it. Jared had never discussed it
with Jensen but he was pretty sure the boy felt obligated. It was Jared's fault
for never explaining that he hadn't cloned Jensen to make himself a new lover.
With a sigh, Jared sat up and slid out of bed, rubbing a hand through his hair
as he headed out of the room. It seemed like a pretty good night to get drunk
and pass out. At least then he'd sleep.
Every now and then Jensen would still join him in bed - usually after Jared had
fallen asleep - and Jared would wake up to the boy curled around his body and
holding him tight. Jared wished this was one of those nights because he missed
the heat of his son's body. And even if they spent their days together -
mostly, when Jensen wasn't off exploring the forest - Jared missed.
A low moan sounded just as Jared was walking past Jensen's bedroom and he
froze, his heart instantly speeding up. It was worry and concern that had him
turning and inching closer, concerned that somehow his son might be injured.
The door was cracked open and Jared could just see the boy on his bed
illuminated by the night light along the wall.
Jensen had kicked his blanket off and was lying naked in the middle of his
mattress, legs spread slightly open, fingers drifting in slow strokes over his
hard cock. All the air rushed out of Jared and his stomach rolled with the heat
he'd felt two years before when their lips had touched. Only this burned
hotter, sharper, more intense than anything he could remember.
Jared shouldn't be watching this. His eyes shouldn't have trained down on the
stroke of Jensen's fingers over his flushed skin, shouldn't track the arch of
his hips, shouldn't shiver at the sound of another soft moan. Jared could
remember what it was like, being just about that age - only a year older - when
those fingers had touched his skin.
The way Jensen had caressed him the first time, so soft and sure, so perfect,
and that was exactly what his son must be feeling now. The boy's heels dug into
the mattress and his hips rose up off the mattress, cock working into the
steady strokes of his fingers. Jared felt the deepest sense of longing like one
he hadn't experienced since he was twenty-four and returning to his lover after
ten long and painful years.
Jared had known it was dangerous, the way he thought of his son as more
sometimes, but he could have sworn he knew the difference between the two. This
Jensen wasn't his lover and he never would be and Jared had been okay with
that. Now though, the longing that clenched at his heart was almost painful.
Would he really be okay with never having Jensen as a lover again? Even if
Jensen happened to be his son?
"Daddy," Jensen gasped out and for a moment Jared was worried his son must have
seen him lingering in the shadows. But even as he pulled back he noticed the
boy's eyes were closed and his strokes were picking up speed. "Please. Please
Daddy. Touch me. Take me. I'm yours, Daddy, please."
Jared had to bite his lip to keep from moaning out loud. His worry about the
boy thinking he was created for this purpose alone vanished as he realized his
son wanted this. It was a part of his lover Jensen that shouldn't, technically,
have been clone-able. And yet, here was his son, sliding his fingers faster
over his cock and writhing constantly on the bed.
When the boy lifted up in a near perfect arc off the bed Jared rubbed a hand
over his cock through his boxers, so close to the edge already you'd never
guess he was a thirty-six year old grown man. Jensen came with a soft
whimpering moan of Daddy and it was sheer will alone that kept Jared from
coming as well.
As Jensen collapsed back on the bed Jared turned and headed swiftly back down
the hall, too wound up to do anything but shut his door and fall against it.
The breath was ragged in his chest as he shoved his boxers down and stroked
swiftly over his cock, almost desperate for his release by this point.
It had been more than a decade since Jared came so hard.
~~
Jared thought it would be hard to ignore what he had seen late at night a month
after Jensen turned twelve. As it turned out, ignoring it was the easiest thing
he'd ever done. Jensen didn't know what Jared had seen and that was for the
best. Maybe Jared wouldn't give in to his urges, maybe Jensen still had a
chance to live that amazing life that had been stolen from him the first time.
Days, weeks, months past and his son was no longer a little boy. He was almost
a teenager and Jared almost ached to see the difference. Jensen was spending
more and more of his time out in the forest, venturing out to the town where no
one knew him, even making friends with some of the local kids.
When Jensen came home one day in August and said he wanted to enroll in public
school Jared had said that was fine then shut himself away in his room to ride
out the painful clench of his heart. How foolish he'd been, thinking he could
bring Jensen back and keep him forever as just his own and no one else's.
So Jensen began public school and he got along with everyone - as Jared had
known he would. He was the top of his class and popular and Jared tried not to
live in fear each day that someone might discover that his boy was a clone.
Jared knew even after twelve years Fort Evans hadn't changed much and they
never would. It would always be a closed-minded community.
Jared mourned for the time he'd lost with his son - their endless days spent
together - and wondered if the way his heart longed for Jensen was just a
lifelong disease. No matter what form Jensen was in, Jared would always be
longing for more time and never quite getting enough.
And he wasn't ready for what might come in the future.
Especially now, as he stared down at the bright pink paper clutched in his
grip. He'd been cleaning off the kitchen counter, trying to seem like he wasn't
just waiting for Jensen to return home from school when he'd come across the
invitation.
Fort Evans High Valentine's Day Dance
Jared hadn't even realized the holiday was coming up; he'd never been one to
celebrate it, and he hadn't thought Jensen placed any importance on it. But the
boy had saved the paper, put it where he knew Jared would find it, which
probably meant he wanted to go. Did that mean he had a date?
Oh, god. What would Jared do if Jensen was seeing someone at his school? Could
he really handle that? He could have sworn his son had wanted him... but that
shouldn't even matter. Right?
"Dad?" Jensen's voice was quiet and Jared dropped the paper, looking up at him
quickly.
"Hey. Sorry, didn't hear you come in. How was school?" Jared turned away
swiftly to keep from being seen, tossing away the trash he'd gathered and
walking past Jensen to head for the office.
"School was good. I'm not going, you know." Jensen trailed after him, slipping
his backpack off and dropping it by Jared's desk. When Jared just glanced at
him as he sat in front of his computer Jensen shrugged and slid his hands into
his pockets. "That dance. I'm not going."
"Oh? Well... you can. If you wanted. I could find something else to do." Jared
shook his head, annoyed with himself for the words. Why should it matter what
he did? At what point did he learn to let Jensen go?
Jensen sighed and pushed at Jared's shoulder, continuing to nudge forward until
Jared rolled back. Heat crawled up through Jared when Jensen climbed up onto
his lap, looping arms around him and laying his head on Jared's shoulder. "I
miss you, Daddy. Feels like you never want me around anymore."
"What?" Jared pulled back slightly even as his arms curled protectively around
Jensen's waist. "I always want you around. Always. I just... you wanted to
start school. You've made friends and become social. I'm just your lame Dad who
works at home and keeps to himself."
"You're not lame." Jensen slid his fingers up into Jared's hair, brushing
through the strands softly. "I love you Dad. More than anything."
"I love you too," Jared whispered and tried to keep the tears from pricking
along his eyes. "Jen... you know that... if you wanted to go that dance. If
there's a girl - or even a boy - you wanted to take... you know that's okay,
right?"
"But why would I do that?" Jensen sat up and frowned at Jared. "Should I?"
Jared shook his head and looked away, finding the intensity of Jensen's bright
green gaze too much at that moment. "It's not a matter of should. It's... if
you want to. I just, look, it's important to me that you understand that I'm
not expecting you to be... mine. Forever. Do you understand? I don't want to
limit your possibilities."
Jensen slid off his lap and Jared missed the heat immediately. The way Jensen
was watching him now, Jared was almost afraid to learn what he would say next.
It took several long minutes for Jensen to speak and when he did it was soft
and sure, confident in a way Jared was almost shocked to hear. "I want to be
yours forever. I don't want anyone else."
All the air left Jared's lips in a slow exhale, his heart speeding up like it
always did when Jensen was involved. "Because I'm your Dad."
"Because you're my Jared." Jensen stepped forward and leaned in, pressing his
lips softly to Jared's. "I know you still need time; I will keep waiting. But
when you decide you're ready to have me as yours too, again, then I'll be
waiting."
With that the boy stepped back, turned, and left the room. Jared's mind was
reeling and his cock was suddenly throbbing. Just like Jensen always made him
feel, go figure.
~~
In the end, Jared would never be able to say what it finally was that made him
give in. He did know that it took several more months and Jensen drifting even
further out of his reach. No matter what Jensen said about being his, Jared
couldn't shake the feeling that his son would soon find someone else to fill
that void.
As Jensen's thirteenth birthday approached Jared began bracing himself for some
teenage hormone-fueled party. They'd always celebrated birthdays just the two
of them but there had never been friends before to fit into the picture.
But as the day drew nearer and Jensen didn't say anything about it, Jared
thought maybe the boy didn't want to do anything together at all. Maybe he'd
made plans with his friends and Jared would just have to give him his gift the
following day. Maybe Jared would spend the entire night alone looking at
pictures of the baby that was no longer his.
Or maybe Jared was the one who was really the over-dramatic teenager.
"Morning, Dad," Jensen bounced into the kitchen on the morning of his birthday,
pushing at Jared's shoulder until there was enough space to drop down on his
lap. "You think, ‘cause I'm thirteen now, I can have some coffee?"
Jared laughed softly and slipped his arm around Jensen's middle, dropping the
newspaper in his grasp in favor of grasping his own coffee cup and nudging it
toward Jensen. Maybe he'd been a little hasty in his worries. "You can try some
of mine. If you like it, I'll make you a cup."
With an excited grin Jensen reached out and grasped the mug, bringing it
quickly to his lips. Jared rolled his own lips to keep from laughing as Jensen
sipped eagerly and his face quickly scrunched up. "What? That's what it tastes
like? God, how can you drink that?"
"It's an acquired taste," Jared chuckled and rubbed at Jensen's back softly.
"So we'll pass on the coffee but if you'd like, later, I'll let you try some
beer."
Once more Jensen's face lit up and even if he was looking more and more grown
up each day, Jared savored the child like excitement there. "Awesome. You're
the best."
"So, you're sticking around today? No big parties planned?" Jared tried to ask
as casually as he could, sipping from his coffee once more and letting his free
hand linger on Jensen's still sleep-warm back.
"Parties? But we always spend my birthday together, just me and you." Jensen
sighed and slid off Jared's lap. "Do you want me to have a party? Would you
rather I spend the day with my friends?"
And, for whatever the reason, that was the moment when everything in Jared
broke. For three years now - probably longer - he'd been trying to pretend like
he didn't want his son this way. He'd been dancing along the lines of right and
wrong in his mind and struggling with what his heart longed for and what his
mind said he couldn't have. But Jensen pulling away like had had so many times
lately and getting that haunted look of rejection in his eyes was apparently
Jared's limit.
In the next moment he was up out of his chair and crossing to Jensen, dipping
to slide his arm around Jensen's middle and drawing him up off the ground. A
gasp fell from his son as he sat him on the counter and instantly slid between
the boy's legs, curling his fingers into Jensen's hair and tugging his head
back.
Their eyes met and held for a long moment and Jared pulled in steady, quick
breaths, taking just a moment to accept what this meant for them and how it
would change everything. Was he really ready to put their relationship at risk?
"Daddy, please," Jensen whispered and laid his hand on Jared's chest. "Kiss
me."
Nerves shot through Jared and then he was moving down, finally slanting his
lips over Jensen's in just the way he'd longed for, for far too long. Almost
instantly the boy was pressing forward and closer, wrapping his arms around
Jared's neck and letting his lips part wide.
Part of Jared felt like this was his first kiss all over again, the way Jensen
sent heat bursting through him at the innocent confidence coming from his
touch. It was like Jensen was pouring all of himself into the kiss and Jared
clutched the boy closer, desperate to hold onto every single part of him.
As their tongues tangled together Jared lifted the boy from the counter,
moaning into the kiss as Jensen's legs wrapped tight around his waist. Jared
worked his hands up under Jensen's shirt and caressed his skin, soaking in the
heat of his smooth and creamy skin, cock straining against his jeans at the
swell of pleasure. He'd never wanted like this, so intense, that dark forbidden
thing making his stomach knot up and twist.
"Please, Daddy," Jensen pulled back from the kiss and gasped, tipping his head
back to expose his neck. "I want... want so much..."
"I know, baby. Don't worry. I'm gonna give you everything. Gonna claim you as
mine," Jared moaned and worked his lips over Jensen's skin, tasting the salty
heat. "You taste so damn good. I've been wanting this, so long, you have no
idea."
"I really do." Jensen squirmed against Jared's body, rubbing his already-hard
cock against Jared's abs through his sweat pants. His fingers dug into Jared's
shirt, tangling into the cotton and tugging up until Jared had to press his son
against the wall and allow his shirt to be pulled off. "Wanted you for so
long."
Jared considered telling Jensen just how much he did know but that was a
conversation for another time. Right now he was much more interested in
touching every inch of his son's body. His shirt fell to the floor as he
stepped back from the wall and hurriedly carried Jensen down the hall. He
needed to get them spread out on the mattress now before his knees gave out.
When they stepped into his room Jared all but threw his son on the bed,
laughing as Jensen squealed in excitement and bounced on the mattress. His
breath was heaving as he flicked at the button on his jeans. "Take your clothes
off."
Jensen fumbled swiftly into motion, yanking his shirt off and wiggling out of
his sweats before Jared even had his zipper down. The boy was bare beneath his
sweats and Jared moaned at the sight before him. Jensen fell back onto his
elbows and spread his legs, lips sliding over and over his full flushed lips.
"Fuck baby, so damn gorgeous," Jared groaned and kicked out of his jeans and
boxers, crawling quickly across the mattress.
Beneath him Jensen was already in motion, writhing and twisting to get Jared's
fingers on his skin. But Jared wanted to take his time with his son, even if
this was the first of many times. His lips slid up Jared's legs as he crawled
forward, savoring the ragged breath of the boy beneath him.
By the time he was hovering over Jensen's crotch his son was almost whimpering.
Thin fingers curled into his hair, tightening into fists and pulling sharply
when Jared's tongue slid out to stroke over hard flesh. The salty sweet drop of
precome across Jared's tongue made him moan and suddenly engulf the boy. His
mouth slid easily down over Jensen's hard cock, sucking him down and riding out
the boy's constant thrusts forward.
"Daddy. Daddy. Oh god. I'm gonna- too good, can't last. Please Daddy," Jensen
gasped out, the steady litany of gasped words falling constantly from his lips.
Jared moaned around the flesh in his mouth, rocking his hips against the
mattress in desperate search for any sort of friction. Jensen's pleas were
burning through Jared like fire and he sucked harder on his son's flesh, eager
to bring more of those sweet moans to the boy's lips.
Before he could much more than pull up and sink down once more the boy was
arching perfectly up into him and his hands were tugging Jared's hair sharply.
The heat of the boy's release was perfect, salty and sweet painting across
Jared's tongue in delicious sprays. Jared swallowed easily, riding out the
waves of his son's body. Jensen hadn't even been able to catch his breath in
order to tell Jared he was close and that was hot enough Jared nearly came
rubbing up against the mattress.
Jared slowly pulled back from Jensen's flesh, panting against the boy's hipbone
and fighting the urge to thrust his hips against the mattress. He crawled
slowly up Jensen's body as the boy's tugged weakly at his hair once more.
"How you feeling, baby?" Jared murmured and dipped down, pressing soft kisses
to Jensen's lips.
"Amazing," Jensen sighed blissfully and tilted up, opening his lips to draw
Jared's tongue forward and suck along the taste there.
The tight pressure of Jensen sucking on his tongue made Jared moan and he
couldn't help rubbing his cock against Jensen's small thigh. The creamy skin
slid perfectly along his cock and Jared pulled back from the kiss to suck in a
quick breath.
"Daddy? Will you claim me now? I want you in me." Jensen stroked his fingers
down Jared's cheek.
Jared shuddered at the thought alone and pulled back enough to meet his son's
bright green gaze. For just a moment he felt like he'd been transported through
time, like this was the night of his fourteenth birthday once more and he was
the nervous virgin. Jensen was so confident and strong and the trust he had in
Jared was enough he didn't even seem nervous. Deep down Jared knew Jensen had
never done this before but the boy seemed to have no doubts in his decision.
"Are you sure? We don't have to do everything now. I'm not changing my mind,"
Jared murmured and pressed kisses along Jensen's face.
"We'll do other things later. I want you in me now." Jensen shifted out from
under Jared and rolled to the edge of the mattress. He tugged the nightstand
drawer open and pulled out the bottle of lube there, rolling back to give Jared
a bright grin and hand over the bottle. "I've seen that in there before. Do you
finger yourself sometimes too?"
Jared groaned and dropped his head, riding out the burning pleasure from
Jensen's seemingly innocent little question. "No. I just, it's been in there a
while. But I know you do."
"I know." Jensen nodded and slid against Jared's side once more, spreading his
legs wide. "I know that you've watched me before."
Jared paused as he slicked his fingers, looking up at his son in consideration.
"Just how long have you known that I wanted you?"
"Forever," Jensen whispered, dragging his tongue lower his lips as Jared slowly
circled a slicked finger over his puckered flesh. "Feels like I've always just
known. Just like- oh, please just do it, Daddy - just like I knew I was always
yours."
The tight heat of Jensen's ass was enough to make Jared moan loudly. He felt so
big - almost too big - but Jensen's hole seemed to give easily to his first
finger. Jared slid back enough to watch as the digit was swallowed by the
pulsing heat and he stroked over his own aching cock just to ease some of the
pressure. "I've never met anyone as smart as you."
"Never?" Jensen asked with a soft gasp, legs spreading wider, hips shifting
restlessly on the mattress.
Jared knew what Jensen was asking. Was he smarter than his original? The last
thing Jared wanted to do was talk about that Jensen. This moment couldn't
compare to the past because it was all different and his heart loved in so many
different ways. Jared slowly worked a second finger up into his son's body and
shifted around, stretching up until he could brush their lips softly together.
"Never."
Thankfully Jensen didn't ask any more. Instead the boy sank fully into the
touch, rocking down into each steady glide forward. Jared continued to gently
spread kisses along Jensen's face as he worked two fingers into tight muscle,
adding a third when his son begged for more. He didn't know how he would manage
not to come the moment that tight pulsing heat surrounded him but he was
determined to make this perfect for his boy.
"Want you now, Daddy," Jensen pleaded, dragging his nails sharply over Jared's
shoulders. "Please? M'ready, Daddy."
Jared groaned and thrust all three fingers forward once more before pulling
them roughly free. He slicked his skin with the remaining lube, adding extra
and trying not to linger at the touch. His heart was racing, pulse thudding
loudly in his ears as Jared settled between his son's thin legs and slowly
lifted up.
The boy's body felt impossibly small beneath him and for just a moment Jared
hesitated. Then Jensen laid fingers over his cheek once more and turned until
their gazes meet, the boy's eyes wide and dark and trusting. "I love you."
"I love you too, baby," Jared murmured and lined himself up, pressing slowly
into the tight clenching muscle. "Try to relax, okay? It's gonna hurt but it'll
get better I promise."
"Okay," Jensen gasped and pulled in several deep breaths, relaxing his body
with the occasional head-to-toe shudder.
Jared kept his eyes fixed on his son with every inch he slid forward. He wanted
to ensure he wasn't hurting Jensen but ignoring the pleasure curling around him
was almost impossible. Jared had never felt such a tight heat pulling him in,
covering every inch of his pulsing hard cock and sending him tumbling
dangerously close to his release.
It felt like a full hour passed before he finally bottomed out in the boy, his
pace so slow and careful. Jensen wore a soft smile and traced fingers lightly
through Jared's hair, like having his body spread open and claimed for the
first time was the best thing that could have happened to him. It brought a
smile to Jared's lips as well and he pressed a soft kiss to his son's temple.
It was just them in this moment. No comparisons of the past Jensen and Jared
was ready to claim his son completely. "Jen? Baby? Can I move?"
"Yes. Please, Daddy." Jensen arched up and squirmed against Jared, legs lifting
to wrap around his waist and draw him even closer.
The desire and burning want Jared had been battling with for years now finally
bubbled up and Jared pulled his hips back swiftly. He was thrusting hard
forward just as fast, moaning at the fluttering tight heat around his cock.
Jared couldn't handle going slow, not now that he finally had his precious
little boy as his to take completely.
Their bodies collided hard together, the sound of skin meeting filling the room
between Jensen's breathy little moans and needy cries. Fingers dug and weaved
through Jared's hair as Jensen held him hard, riding out each of Jared's
steadily quickening thrusts.
"Oh fuck, baby, so goddamn tight around me. So perfect. You're Daddy's perfect
little boy," Jared moaned loudly and dipped in to capture Jensen's lips in a
hard kiss, gripping the boy's hipbone hard enough to bruise and angling his
thrusts.
He could tell when he'd hit that pleasure spot in his son, the boy's body
jerked hard up into his, the legs around Jared's waist clenching hard. Jared
slid his hand up from Jensen's hipbone and slipped between their bodies,
curling his fingers tight around the boy's already leaking cock.
"Tell me how much you love this," Jared all but growled against his son's lips,
driving his cock hard up into the boy's body, eyes fluttering closed as
Jensen's body tightened hard around him.
"Love- love it so much. Daddy, feels so good, you buried up in me. Wanna come,
Daddy, need you to. Fill me up, make me yours," Jensen chanted the words,
barely getting them out through each little breathy moan as Jared fucked even
harder forward and sent their bodies sliding up the mattress.
A half dozen thrusts later and Jensen was tensing beneath him, lips parting in
a wordless cry as he sprayed come between them. The muscles locked vice tight
around Jared and his hips stuttered to a jerky halt. When his own orgasm hit it
was almost painful, sparks sliding through him from head to toe, eyes shut
tight together as he rode out the perfect pleasure.
Jared wasn't sure he could hold himself up for much longer but the last thing
he wanted to do was hurt Jensen. So his arm looped around the boy's middle and
he rolled them, letting Jensen rest on his chest as they both struggled to
catch their breaths.
"So perfect, baby," Jared whispered before Jensen could speak up, brushing hair
back from the boy's sweaty forehead. "God I love you so much."
"I love you too Daddy. Thank you, for... for everything." Jensen pressed his
lips to Jared's neck and Jared could feel the grin growing there. "Best
birthday present ever."
"Guess that means I can take back your other gift huh?" Jared smirked as Jensen
jerked up, grinning eagerly down at him. "Just give me a minute to catch my
breath. Not all of us are thirteen you know."
"Come on, old man!" Jensen teased and Jared thought maybe now, finally, things
would be perfect between them once more.
~~
Jared knew why he had thought he would never leave this place.
Once upon a time, Fort Evans had been that horrible place his parents had sent
him to stay with his Grandpa just to get rid of him for a summer. And then when
he was thirteen, turning fourteen, he met a boy that had changed everything.
Fort Evans became a place of wonder, that place where his heart lived, and
nowhere else had ever compared after that.
So when he'd been just over twenty, moving back had seemed like the only option
and living without that boy was an impossibility. Losing him had never been
part of the equation but now, fifteen years out from that loss, Jared
understood the bigger picture.
He had never really been meant to have that Jensen, not forever. And Fort Evans
was never meant to be the place he stayed.
"Dad? You ready?"
Jared turned from the bedroom, smiling softly down at Jensen who was fiddling
with the straps of his backpack slung over his shoulders. Jensen was growing so
quickly now, getting taller and leaner, losing the last of the baby fat on his
cheeks. He was absolutely beautiful and Jared could never get enough of
staring.
"Not sure we have time for that. But hey, if you wanna miss the bus..." Jensen
smirked and inched just a little closer.
Jared laughed and shook his head, turning to grab his own bag. "No missing the
bus. Then we'd miss our plane and I know just how much you can't wait to get
out of here."
"Well seriously, there's nothing to do in this damn town. I want to explore
Europe, see the world, learn everything." Jensen grinned and slipped his hand
through Jared's. "And then, when we're done, home will be here waiting for us."
Jensen was right. Once upon a time the boy Jared had fallen in love with chose
to stay in Fort Evans and never got to see just how amazing the world could be.
Now, Jared was going to give his Jensen that chance, he was going take him
everywhere. And he was going to be at the boy's side for every part of it.
"Yeah, home will be here waiting." Jared ruffled his free hand through Jensen's
hair as they left the house, pausing long enough to make sure the door was
securely locked.
He didn't look back as they headed down the path toward the small town and the
bus station because Jensen was at his side, holding his hand, and that was all
that mattered.
END
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