Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/11597385.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M, Multi, Other
  Fandom:
      Voltron_-_Fandom, Voltron:_Legendary_Defender, klance_-_Fandom
  Relationship:
      Keith/Lance_(Voltron), Keith_&_Lance_(Voltron), Shiro/Matt_(Voltron),
      Matt_Holt/Shiro, Lance/Lotor_(Voltron), Lance_&_Lotor_(Voltron), Lance_&
      Lance's_Mother_(Voltron), Lance_&_Lance's_Father_(Voltron)
  Character:
      Lance_(Voltron), Keith_(Voltron), Pidge_(Voltron), Pidge_|_Katie_Holt,
      Hunk_(Voltron), Lotor_(Voltron), Zarkon_(Voltron), Coran_(Voltron), Matt_
      (Voltron), Shiro_(Voltron), Allura_(Voltron), Haxus_(Voltron), Iverson_
      (Voltron), Kythylian_Mu, Ryner_(Voltron), Sendak_(Voltron), Haggar_
      (Voltron), Honerva_(Voltron)
  Additional Tags:
      high_school-au, Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Sad!Lance, hurt!lance,
      abuse!lance, orphan!Keith, cop!shiro, police!shiro, detective!shiro,
      cop!allura, Police!Allura, detective!allura, lawyer!coran, sad!lotor,
      Kinky, Bondage, drunk!father, Cuban!Lance, Texan!Keith, Love_Like_Me,
      this_shit_is_really_fucked_up, Smut, Angst, Langst, Tags_May_Change, Good
      Boy, counselor!coran, ongoing, pornstar!lotor, Lotor_Lotor, Fluff, Sexy
      Underwear, lance_is_a_mama's_boy, Mama's_boy, Mommy_Issues, Daddy_Issues,
      Daddy_Kink, Light_BDSM, dog_boy_lance, really_sad, Bisexual_Lance_
      (Voltron), Bottom_Lance_(Voltron), Bilingual_Lance_(Voltron), Lance_is
      kinda_dumb, All_of_the_trigger_warnings, Langstalot, klangst,
      detective!mattholt, police!mattholt, cop!mattholt, Trigger_Warnings,
      Suicide, Suicidal_Thoughts, Implied/Referenced_Suicide, Cutting, Self-
      Harm, Implied/Referenced_Self-Harm, Child_Abuse, Implied/Referenced_Child
      Abuse, Past_Child_Abuse, Parent/Child_Incest, Depression, Panic_Attacks,
      mild_homophobia, Homophobia
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-05-24 Updated: 2017-11-24 Chapters: 5/? Words: 15879
****** Love Like Me ******
by PRINCE_L0T0R
Summary
     Lance's father left before he was born, but his mother raised him to
     love and to be loved. Lance is lucky to have a mommy that loves him
     so much. Lance is lucky to have a new daddy who loves him, too. Keith
     wants the life and love of Lance, but does he know what he asking
     for? Does Keith really want to know what it is like to Love Like Me
     (Lance)?
Notes
     Warning: This is pretty terrible. If you have morals, probably don't
     read this.
***** Lance I *****
Chapter Notes
     Might be a little confusing, but Lance chapters take place after
     Keith chapters. Eventually, they will line up, but I'll tell you when
     that happens. We'll talk about Lotor when we get there.
“Sit here, Lance. I need to ask you a few questions,” Detective Shiro said. I
sat down at the desk/table thing, wincing a little bit at the pain in my legs
and back, and he sat across from me. On the table was a notepad, a pen, and an
audio recorder. Shiro pressed the button with a red circle on it. “Was this, on
the night of August the 13th, the first time Rico Hernandez engaged in sexual
intercourse with you?”
I looked at him blankly. What the hell was ‘intercourse’?
“Was this the first time he had sex with you?” he repeated.
Still, I had no idea what Shiro meant. I raised an eyebrow and cocked my head
slightly.
“You know,” Shiro said. “Like…” He made a motion with his hands. He put the
index finger of one hand into a circle that he made with the thumb and
forefinger of his other hand.
“Oh…” I said, finally understanding. By sex, he meant love. I knew I wasn’t
supposed to talk about home love, but maybe Shiro already knew, so it was okay.
I probably wouldn’t get in trouble. I wasn’t going to tell him everything. I’ll
just clear Papi’s name and we can go home. “No. Papi- uh, Rico has always loved
me.”
Shiro furrowed his brow and wrote something on the notepad in front of him.
“How long is always?”
This Shiro guy had a weird scar across his nose that I found my eyes drawn to.
“I mean, I met him when I was seven. He loved me, like, two days after that.
So...” I paused to do the math. “Nine years? Almost ten?”
Shiro looked up suddenly. "Are you saying that Rico has been having sex with
you for the last ten years?" he said, alarmed.
"Yes."
The detective's look softened. Was that pity? “Do you-” he cleared his throat.
“Do you know how frequently this occurred?”
I didn’t skip a beat. “Almost everyday.” I wanted to make sure the record
showed that Rico was normally a loving guy. “It would be everyday, but
sometimes he would go on trips, or something. I miss him when he's gone."
Shiro continued to write. “If this started when you were seven, did your mother
know about these interactions? When she was alive?” he asked. I nodded. “Okay,”
he said, letting out the breath he was holding in. “I’m going to need you to
start from the beginning. Tell me about Elaine. Tell me about your mother.” He
looked at me, pen at the ready.
I sat back in the little metal chair. “My mother was amazing. She was the most
wonderful, loving person I’ve ever met,” I reminisced. “It was just me and her
in the beginning. She taught me everything. Math and literature and all that.
Societal guidelines and how to love. Sometimes it was rough because she was
home schooling me and working and trying to raise me, but when Pa- when Rico
came along, it got easier.”
Shiro wrote in some form of shorthand, so I couldn’t read it. “You said it was
hard. Did you ever suffer or go hungry when it was just you and your mother?”
“‘Going hungry’ seems a bit extreme to say. It was more like...I was still
hungry after I ate? But I’m a boy so, that’s normal, I think. My mom always fed
me, though. Even when when I was in trouble, I got to eat. Ah, the good old
days.”
“Okay.” Shiro tapped his pen against his mouth. “If you remember, can you give
me some examples of things that you would eat while it was just your mother was
taking care of you?”
I laughed. “Are you a real detective? What does that have to do with anything?”
Shiro sighed. “Please, Lance. Just answer the question. I need to have a clear
record for your lawyer.”
“Lawyer?” I said. “I thought I was just clearing some stuff up so that Rico
could go back home.”
Shiro sighed again. “Rico isn’t going home for a while. You’re seventeen,
Lance. He beat you with a broken bottle and raped you. That is not okay. You
also said that he has been having sex with you almost everyday since you were
seven. That is really not okay.”
I threw my hands up in exasperation. “But I’m okay! He is my dad! Parents are
supposed to love their children! And he didn’t mean to hit me. He was drunk. It
was an accident. I just want to clear his name and go home with him, so I don’t
need a lawyer. Heck, what’s that word? Consent! I gave consent!.”
Shiro pulled out a folder and took out a blue piece of paper. “I have a
statement from one of your peers saying that he heard you crying ‘no’ and ‘stop
it’. Also," he said looking up. "A seventeen year old cannot legally consent to
a fifty eight year old. A seven year old can certainly not give legal consent.
No matter how you put it, Rico is in big trouble.” He put the paper down. “Now,
you can go home sooner if you cooperate. Can you remember what kind of things
you ate before Rico started living with you?”
I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes. I was not pleased with Shiro’s take on
the situation. “Milk,” I huffed.
Shiro looked up at me with his eyebrows raised. “And…?”
“Before Rico...um...oh! Sometimes I would get the other stuff.” I waved my hand
to try to convey what I meant. “Mommy just said it was dessert.”
Shiro wrote something down and looked at me, unsure. “Can you be more
specific?”
I furrowed my eyebrows in concentration. “It’s, like, white, sometimes?
Um...it’s been, like, five years but, it was sweet. Like, a weird sweet.” I
waved my hand again.
“And that’s all you remember? Milk and a white dessert?”
I nodded. “That’s everything I had before Pa- Rico came to live with us. If I
ate anything else, Mom would get mad and say that I didn’t love her.” I smiled
at the memory. “But I was a good kid. She almost never had a reason to get mad
at me.”
Shiro sat back in his chair. “Are you telling me that for the first seven years
of your life, you only drank milk and ate dessert?” I nodded. “Did you ever see
your mother put anything in the milk or dessert?”
I laughed at the question. “I don’t think that’s how the human body works. Milk
just has everything that kids need in it. I had to eat, like, six times a day,
but that’s how it works.”
The detective was making that shaken face over his notepad again. “You meant
breast milk?! What- how long did you breastfeed?”
“As long as my mother and I were both alive,” I said matter-o-factly.
Shiro looked uncomfortable. “And the desserts? Were they made out of breast
milk?”
“Mom said that it wasn’t milk. I think it could be described as the girl
equivalent of semen. Though, semen and dessert taste really different.”
Shiro's eyes widened suddenly, making me jump. “Was your mother having sex with
you, as well as Rico?”
“Um, yes?” I was starting to get freaked out by Shiro’s reactions. “She was my
mother. She's supposed to love me.”
Shiro ran his hand through his white hair floof. “Did they threaten you in any
way, Lance? Is there a reason why you never told anyone or why you stayed with
them? You are safe here. You can tell me everything.” I seriously doubted that.
“Shiro...can I call you that? Anyways, let me tell you. Love is mutual. If I
wanted love, then I had to give love. I was and am in a perfectly healthy and
fair situation of giving and receiving love.”
Shiro closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay,” he said calmly. “If you
can, please tell me about how you met Rico. I need as many details as
possible.” He looked liked he didn’t want to say that last part.
I thought for a moment. “When I was seven,” I began, “I went into my mom’s room
because I was hungry….
Rico was on top of my mother and she was yelling. I was really confused at
first, because she had never loved me like that before then, but that’s what it
was. Rico was grunting like an animal. It scared me. I left the room and
avoided leaving my own until he was gone.
That was the first time that I saw him.
Two days later, when my mom went to work, Rico stayed over to watch me. He came
into my room and closed the door behind him. “Hola,” he said. “¿Eres Lance?” He
took my chin in his hands after I nodded yes. “Bien. Bien.”
Rico kissed me on the lips. He took off my clothes and kissed me all over my
body. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but I thought that my mom would want me
to let him, so I did. I tried to do everything that he commanded.
I was really confused when he told me to suck his dick. I wanted to do a good
job, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do. Eventually, Rico got
frustrated and shoved himself down my throat. That scared the piss out of me.
Especially when he started to find a rhythm. He had my head pulled in by the
hair and I couldn’t breathe.
My vision had black spots when he let me go. I was crying and hyperventilating
like crazy. “It’s okay,” he cooed. “Be quiet,” he whispered. I mostly calmed
down and he put his fingers in my mouth. I felt bad about messing up before, so
I tried sucking on them. “Good boy,” he praised.
Then, before I knew what was happening, Rico bent me over the side of my bed.
He held my legs down with his leg. I tried to look at him, but he grabbed my
hair and held me down. I tried to move away when he put his first finger up my
tight little ass, but I was already flush against the bed. He hushed at my
protests as he added another finger and continued to pump slowly. By the time
he added the third finger, I was hyperventilating again.
After I was prepped, he took his fingers out and wiped them on my back. He
grabbed my hips to reposition his body, leaving little bruises, before
thrusting himself into me. I cried out in pain. He held down my arms with one
of his own and covered my mouth with his other hand. I cried and tried to
squirm away, but nothing stopped him from pounding mercilessly into my ass.
The way he growled and the way his body jerked when he came scared me. The pain
I felt and the blood between my legs scared me. But what scared me most was
what happened afterwards.
I fell off of my bed and onto the ground, where I laid, limp, while Rico
started a warm bath. He carried me over like a bride. He washed the cum and
blood off and out of me and kissed away my tears. He held me until my fitful
hiccups stopped. He pet my hair and purred sweet nothings into my ear. “You’re
very beautiful, Lance.” “You are such a good little boy.” “Don’t tell your
mommy.” “I love you, Lance.”
"...I don't really think he felt love for me then, but it wasn't long before he
really did. That's not a very good example. But that was only the first time
that he loved me."
Shiro looked like he was going to be sick.
***** Keith I *****
Chapter Notes
     Like I said before, Lance chapters take place after Keith chapters.
     Also, I gave up on the fake publication dates. Have fun trying to
     figure out what is happening.
I looked around the high school gym, crowded with people and tables. I was
uncomfortable, to say the least. I seemed to be the only kid at enrollment
without parents. I didn't recognize anyone, except for a few kids that beat me
up in middle school. It seemed that my junior year was going to be just as
terrible as the rest.
I had been kicked out of my last school for 'anger issues'. I admit that I had
a bit of a temper, but the school's real problem with me was my sexuallity. If
I were to remain there, I was going to 'lead the other children down a dark
path' and 'turn them all into gays'. Oh, dang. They caught me. Reflecting back,
though, I don’t know what the system was thinking sending me to a Catholic
school.
“Kogain?” an older woman at a desk near me shouted. “Keith Kogain?”
I stepped up to the desk, accidently keeping eye contact with the woman the
entire time. “Uh, I’m Keith Kogane.”
She forced a smile. “Please,” she motioned. “Take a seat.” I sat in the chair
across from her and crossed my legs. “My name is Ms. Ryner. I will be your
homeroom teacher during your time here. If you will look at this,” she turned
around her laptop. “This is your current schedule. Do you see any problems with
it?”
I read the list.
1st Hour- Remedial Math
Kythylian Mu
2nd Hour- Technology and Computer Science
Olkari Ryner
3rd Hour- Remedial History
Benjamin Kaltenecker
4th Hour- Lunch- Intensive Study Hall
Olkari Ryner
5th Hour- Remedial English II
Elton Haxus
6th Hour- Physical Education
Mitch Iverson
7th Hour- Spanish I
Joaquim Dos Santos
“Wow…” I scratched the back of my neck. “It’s all remedial. I don’t even have
lunch. Um...all due respect, but I’m not stupid. I just have ‘behavioral
problems’. Is there any way I can take regular classes?”
“I’m sorry Keith,” Ms. Ryner sighed. “Your record of incompletes and failed
classes has caused this to be necessary for you to graduate on time. However,
there is another young man joining my advisory this year that has to take your
remedial classes as well. He is my next appointment. If you wait here, you can
acquaint yourself with him. Maybe you can help him out this year.”
I looked wryly at my schedule. Why did she ask if I had a problem with my
classes if I couldn’t change anything? Also, someone else with the same
schedule as me? “Okay,” I sighed. “I’ll wait.” I didn’t have anything better to
do. I only hoped that it was someone that wouldn’t push my buttons, if I could
stand him in the first place.
Ms. Ryner looked at her watch. It was 10:15am. “McClain?” she yelled. “Lance
McClain?” A bell rang in the back of my head. A tall scrawny boy in a green
cargo jacket stood and walked over. I noticed that he also didn’t have a parent
here. “Lance?” she asked. The boy nodded. “Please, sit.”
During his meeting, I stared at him. I knew it was creepy, but something about
him was giving me deja vu. I couldn’t look away.
“Do you have any questions?” the teacher asked Lance after they went over his
schedule.
“Yeah,” Lance said. “What is ‘remedial’?” I squinted my eyes, as if that would
make me remember where I knew him.
“Remedial Classes are for students who did not previously meet proficiency in a
certain subject. They are designed to help you to get back on track. Keith here
has some classes with you, so you can ask him if you need anything, else.” That
was Ms. Ryner’s nice way of telling Lance and me to go away before she called
the next name.
Lance followed me to the hallway just outside the gym, where it was a little
bit quieter. “I know you,” I said to him, looking into his unnervingly blue
eyes. “Say something to help me remember.”
Lance seemed lost at first, but then he smirked. “Something to help me
remember.”
I rolled my eyes, but then… “Lance! From kindergarten!” He raised his eyebrows,
but gasped in recognition.
Lance had always acted like he was better than everyone else. Especially me.
One day in kindergarten, we were supposed to be sharing about our parents.
Lance went on and on about how great his mom was. When I said I didn't have any
parents, five year old Lance had gasped and asked who loved me if I didn't have
a mommy.
I was a hothead back then, too. I had thrown Lance out of his chair and beat
him up. After that day, I never saw him again...until now.
“Where have you been?” I asked. “It’s been, like, ten years. And where's that
mommy you're so proud of?”
Lance's smile faltered. He looked away. “Oh, mommy’s dead.”
I choked on my own spit. I was not expecting that response. Also, he said that
way too casually. “What? What happened?!” Guilt twisted my stomach. I had
always wished that Lance knew what it was like to be an orphan, but not really.
When Lance looked back, he wore a devilish side grin. “I haven't been around
because I was homeschooled. I guess I was too distracting to the ladies.” He
flexed his arm under his jacket.
It was clear he was trying to change the subject. I wanted to know what
happened to his mom, but maybe it was better to move on for now.
He stopped flexing after a second. “Really, though. I got in trouble because I
was fighting with you all of the time. I was taken out of public school to work
on my behavior. But now I've learned to watch my mouth. I know the rules.”
His eye bags were really dark. I didn't notice when he was smiling, but seeing
him like this was weird to me. “Well, I'm sorry,” I said. “Um, for fighting
with you back then and-”
“It's fine,” he interrupted. “I deserved it. I was a dumb insensitive baby. I
wasn't…I'm not...I get it now. I- I know it's kinda late, but I'm sorry.”
I smiled at that. Maybe this year wouldn't be so terrible. “It's okay, man.
Like you said, you were a baby. I'm years over it.” I put my hand out for Lance
to shake. “Truce?”
He grinned and took it. “Truce.”
Then something in Lance's pocket rang. His attention ticked to fishing a gray
flip phone out of his jacket that he answered immediately.
“Hola, Papi. ¿Qué hay?”
I was surprised that someone like Lance didn't have a giant smart phone. Also,
did he just say ‘hello daddy’?
“I'm at enrollment.” A pause. “For school.” Another pause. “Okay, okay. Hasta
luego. Te amo.” Lance put the phone back into his pocket. “Sorry about that,”
he laughed sheepishly.
“Don’t worry about it,” I shrugged uncomfortably. I had assumed that because
Lance was here alone and his mom was dead that he was like me now, but I
guessed not. “Do you want to finish enrollment with me?”
Lance slumped his shoulders and his jaw fell open. “There’s more?”
His confusion amused me. “Don’t worry,” I smiled. “It’s easy.”
Psyche! It should have been easy. Lance kept insisting on doing his paperwork
all by himself, but he had to ask me about everything on his health form. I
didn’t know his answers, though. The guy didn’t even know what an allergy was.
I decided that he should leave everything blank, like me, so that no one
bothered him about random things. I told him to just be extra careful around
new substances.
Lance was a mess. He was very confident in himself, but he didn’t exactly
measure up. I wanted to feel satisfied that the kid who hurt my feelings in
kindergarten didn’t turn out so well, but his struggling was just so pitiful.
He literally ran into the door when we finally finished. This Lance was
different from the one I knew so long ago. He wanted to be independent, but he
couldn’t be.
I grabbed his wrist before he walked away, and Lance inhaled sharply through
his nose. I let go immediately. A record scratched in my head. Did Lance cut?
He didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would self harm, but I had to remind
myself that I didn’t know everything. He’s got a dead mom and stuff, I guess.
“I wanted your number,” I uttered. Real smooth, Kogane. Real. Smooth.
“Like my phone number? We’re friends?” he beamed. He acted as if the arm thing
didn’t happen.
“We’re not friends,” I asserted. “You’re an acquaintance...at best. I only need
it because I bet you’ll get lost and want help. So give me your number.” I held
out my hand.
Lance handed me his phone. I made myself a contact, and while Lance was
distracted by a dog across the street, I snooped through the rest of his
numbers. There were three total. Jack, Keith, and Papi. I closed the phone and
gave it back to Lance, who almost dropped it because he got a text at the same
time.
“Hasta la later, Keith,” he sang, walking away after reading his message.
I have every class with this guy all year, I reminded myself.
~-~-~
“Keith! First day of your new school! Wake up!” I opened my eyes to see my new
foster mom, Kristen. I didn’t want to be rude, but I couldn’t keep my eye from
twitching in annoyance. “Oh, come on,” she persisted. “Look! I had your uniform
cleaned so it won’t be so stiff! Isn’t that exciting?!”
This woman needed to find her chill. I knew she was trying, but she was trying
too hard. It was freaking me out. I tried to smile back at her, but it ended up
being more of a grimace...whoops.
“I’ll just leave these here,” she chirped, setting down the clothes on the foot
of my guest bed.
I winced at my reflection after I donned the horrible orange suit. I
looked...really, really dumb.
“Time to go!” Kristen yelled from the front room. I sighed heavily as I
lumbered down the hall. “Oh, look at you! You are official now!” she said when
she saw me.
“Woo,” I cheered sarcastically.
The car ride to school was super awkward. I would have to come up with some
excuse as to why I needed to walk. Walking to school gave me time to think and
forced me to wake up before everyone else in the house. I was sick of foster
families taking me in, trying to force their life on me, and then dumping me
back into the system. It was easier to ignore them for the month or so that
they kept me around.
“Have a wonderful day, Keith!” Kristen encouraged before speeding away from my
new hell.
“Okay then,” I said to myself.
Luckily, Ms. Ryner’s classroom was close to the entrance I was at. I walked in,
already hating life, and slumped into an empty lab desk. Lance still wasn’t
here five minutes after the bell. Before I could decide if I wanted him to show
up or if I never wanted see him again, he opened the door, breathless.
“I got lost,” he panted. “I’m sorry.” He seemed to forgive himself as soon as
he saw me. Maybe I should have marked him down for ADD. “We match,” he stated
as he sat down in the chair next to mine.
The first few days were super boring. All we did was go over rules in advisory.
At the end of the third day, Ms. Ryner went around, handing out cookies. Lance
looked at his like it was going to beat him up, and gave it to me. “You don’t
want it?” I asked.
Lance shook his head. “I can’t.”
On Monday, I felt refreshed from my weekend of not having to hold Lance’s hand
through every occurrence and encounter. When the first bell rang, though, it
was like he was attached to me by an invisible wire. I tried to lose him a few
times, but to no avail. At lunch, he tried to talk to some kids from our
science class, Pidge and Hunk. Pidge was an aid for Ms. Ryner and Hunk was
there for help with history.
“I haven’t been to school in nearly a decade, but I’m so smart that I picked
everything back up right away. Probably way faster than Keith. I’m basically a
prodige,” Lance bubbled.
Pidge rolled her eyes and Hunk seemed to take in every word Lance said.
“That’s not true,” I chided. “What’s an allergy?”
Lance blushed as Pidge laughed. “That doesn’t count,” he huffed.
“Wait,” Hunk giggled. “You don’t know what an allergy is? Like, seriously?”
“Little Lancey has been living under a rock for the last ten years,” I said,
ruffling his hair. Lance leaned into my touch.
He’s like a dog. An obedient, needy, loving dog boy.
***** Lance II *****
Chapter Notes
     A reiteration of my damnation.
Shiro rubbed his temples. “How- how long was it before your mother found out
about what Rico did?”
“Was doing,” I corrected.
He winced. “Yes. What he was doing.”
I pursed my lips in thought. “Not very long. Mama found out the next day. She
wasn’t very happy at first, but it all got better after that.”
The detective didn’t seem to follow. That was probably irony. “Can you
elaborate, please?”
“Do you want the details again?”
Shiro shook his head no. “Yes.”
What? I mouthed.
“Whatever you can remember,” he said, defeated.
“Oh, okay. So, day after Rico loved me for the first time, I was eating with my
mom-”
“You were breastfeeding, correct?”
“Yes,” I confirmed. “Mommy was putting her hands all over my body. They were
soft and cold, and it felt good. After I finished eating, I put my ear against
the middle of her chest and closed my eyes. I liked to listen to her breathing
and heartbeat. She pet my hair with one hand and continued to touch me gently
with the other. I was almost asleep when she stopped…
“What is this?” Mommy questioned. I opened my eyes to see what she was talking
about. Her fingers were brushing lightly over the bruises that Rico had left on
my hips the day before. “What happened?” she said sternly.
I opened my mouth to reply, but Rico had specifically told me not to tell.
“It’s a secret,” I said.
She guided my chin so that I was looking at her face. “Lance,” she cautioned.
“I am your mommy. You don’t keep secrets from me. You tell me everything. Who
did this?”
“I- It was your friend,” I confided. “He said that he loved me. I don’t want to
be in trouble, Mommy. I tried to do what he said, but-”
Mama wrapped her arms around me in a warm hug. “Oh, baby. You’re not in
trouble.. It’s okay. What did he do to you, mijo?” She rubbed my shoulder with
her thumb. It was comforting.
“He went into my butt,” I whispered. “He covered my mouth so that I wouldn’t be
too loud. I didn’t like it. I- It didn’t feel right. It hurt.”
Mommy’s eye twitched. “Never let anyone love you unless I give you permission,
okay? If someone is hurting you, tell them to stop. Other people aren’t allowed
to touch you like me. It’s against the rules. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Mommy,” I mumbled sleepily into her neck. I didn’t really understand, but
I wanted my mom to be happy again.
“Hey.” She pulled my hair gently so that I was looking at her again. “I love
you, Lance,” she smiled.
I smiled too, and followed her guiding hand into a kiss. Her tongue parted my
lips and slid along the corners of my mouth. I allowed my saliva to mix with
hers and I sucked on her tongue like it was the source of my next meal.
Mama grabbed my head and moved me lower. “Keep going, baby,” she cooed as I
kissed down the middle of her chest and belly. She hummed lightly and ran her
fingers through my hair. I kissed at the base of one thigh, then the other.
“Such a good boy,” she crooned.
Her slit was already wet. I lapped at the dessert and slid my tongue through
every crevice, like I had so many times before. Mommy seemed to melt into the
bed in comfort. She liked it when I drooled all over her, leaving trails of my
spit and whatever else was mixed in across her body.
Mommy always said that I loved her like nobody else could. When I felt her legs
tense under my tiny hands, I knew that I did something right. She gasped and I
finished by licking every drop of dessert that she produced.
“Oh, Lance!” She pulled me up and kissed me again. “I am the luckiest Mommy in
the world to have you!” She turned me around so that I was sitting between her
legs with my back against her chest. “Now it’s your turn,” she whispered,
snaking her hands down my torso to my baby penis.
I smiled in anticipation. I liked it when it was my turn. She held my stomach
with one hand, because she liked to feel my muscles tense and relax, and
fondled me with the other. It wasn’t long before she had me blushing and
panting.
Just then, Rico walked in, and did a double take. “What the hell?”
“Hold on,” Mama said. “He’s almost there.” As if on cue, I grabbed the sheets
and let out a small cry. I would have ejaculated then, but I was too young. My
head fell against her shoulder, and I thought I was going to go to sleep, like
usual. “Okay,” she continued to Rico. “If you want to love my son, you have to
do it right. If you hurt him again, you’re gone. Now come here.”
Rico shuffled awkwardly to the bed. He wouldn’t make eye contact with me.
“Lance,” she instructed. “We’re going to have to teach him how love you right.
You know how to start, mijo.”
I nodded. I crawled over to him and stood on the bed. Rico was still standing
on the ground, so I was about at head level with him. I grabbed his face in my
hands and kissed his lips. He didn’t move. “He’s shy,” I smiled at Mommy. “You
weren’t like this yesterday,” I said back to him. I didn’t like his love from
the day before, but it would be okay if Mama helped him.
“Now, Rico,” she prompted. “Lance gave you a kiss. Love is supposed to be
mutual. If you want it, you have to give it. You, kiss him back. Lance,
initiate phase two.” I giggled at that. ‘initiate phase two’. Heh.
Anyway, Rico held me by the back of my head and kissed me. I opened my mouth
and he greedily filled the space with his tongue. Mommy was watching, so I
didn’t want to mess up again. I curled my fingers under the hem of his shirt
and pulled it up over his head, falling back into a kiss after. I put my hands
on his chest and scratched at his hair.
“Touch him. Make him feel like you want him to make you feel.”
Rico scooped my legs out from under me and laid me down on the bed. He kissed
from my feet to my knees, then alternated sides down my thighs. He’s always
been rather impatient. I was small enough back then that when he put his hands
on me, his thumbs rubbed my nipples while he held my rib cage. Then he started
to kiss me like he had the day before. I don’t think that there is an inch on
my body that hasn’t been in his mouth. He was definitely making me feel
something. He did everything that Mommy usually did to me, but with his mouth.
It was great.
Or at least it was great until he spread my legs and prepared to enter me. I
didn’t remember him taking his pants off, but he was naked. “W- wait,” I said,
trying to squirm away. He grabbed my thighs and pulled me back to him. His
entire hand fit around each leg. I squeezed my eyes shut and prepared for the
worst, but Mama stopped him.
She handed him a tube that I would later come to recognized as lubricant. “Be
careful with my baby,” she said. She gave him a quick kiss and then sat back
down on the bed.
Rico smiled down at me. He was excited, I could tell. He squirted the lube onto
his hand and rubbed it around my anus. He slipped one finger in at a time until
three fit without being pushed back. Then he put lube on his dick. It was
standing up like it was looking for something. I knew it was coming, but I
still wasn’t ready for the suddenness of his presence inside me. It hurt way
less than the day before, but it still hurt. It took everything in me not to
scream out loud.
I was flush all over. I was panting heavily. Mommy crawled over and nuzzled my
face. “You’re doing so well, baby,” she cooed. I think that she kissed me after
that, but everything was really fuzzy right then. “I’m so lucky to have such a
beautiful boy.” She nibbled on my neck and moan fell out of my mouth.
Rico groaned and picked up his pace. It seemed that he went deeper and faster
with every thrust. I cried out again. He gripped my legs tighter. He was
getting close.
Mommy combed through my hair and licked some of the sweat off of my face. “Such
a sweet little boy. I love you so much, Lance.”
Papi- oh, um- Rico was going really fast at that point. He was panting, I was
on the verge of hyperventilating, and Mommy kept combing my sweaty hair off of
my sweaty forehead. He pulled out suddenly.
Mommy directed his precum dripping penis towards my face. “A treat for you,
mijo,” she smiled.
I was still trying to catch my breath, so I wasn’t doing a very good job of
finishing him off. Turns out that it didn’t matter what I did. He came within
seconds of me touching him. When he did, he made the yell grunt noise that
scared me, but other than that, I felt pretty accomplished. Rico crawled into
bed and promptly fell asleep. Mama licked the semen off of my face and put it
in my mouth when she kissed me.They went well together, the sweet taste of
Mommy’s mouth and the savoury taste of semen.
I tried to crawl into bed next to Rico, but my legs and lower back hurt like… I
don’t know. They hurt a lot. I took a bath the next morning, but other than
that, I didn’t leave the bed for the next few days. There were new bruises on
my legs, too. Mommy and Rico didn’t stop loving me though, so that’s good. It
took me awhile to get used to having a dad and being loved by him, but I did.
Everything got better and better after that…”
Shiro was looking down at his notes. He looked really sad. Maybe he didn’t have
parents and I was making him feel bad. I think that I’ve done that to Keith on
accident. That made me feel bad.
“Hey,” I said. The detective met my eyes. “It’s okay.”
Shiro looked like he was going to be angry. “It’s not okay,” he contended. His
grip on his pen made his knuckles white.
“Um…” I tried. “I’m sorry? I didn’t mean-”
“Just-” He let go of his pen. “Your lawyer is a certified counselor. We’re
going to help you, Lance. You’re going to get help.”
I wasn’t sure what he meant by help, but I didn’t want him to get angry.
“Okay,” I sighed. “What else do you want to know?”
***** Lotor I *****
Chapter Notes
     Um... Lotor chapters take place at the same time as Keith chapters
     and Shiro chapters will take place at the same time as Lance
     chapters. Sorry if that's confusing¯\_(ツ)_/¯
See the end of the chapter for more notes
I turned the cold water off completely and the hot as high as it would go. It
burned, but that was the point. I wanted to scourge the memories of everyone
who had ever touched me off of my skin. It was sad if I thought about it, so I
tried not to. I instead focussed on how wonderful my shampoo felt on my scalp
and in my hands. A man could have the fanciest shampoo in the world and still
be sad. I would know. I have the fanciest shampoo in the world.
I stayed under the water, even after it turned painfully cold. This helped me
come back to the world in which I was living. Stupid unfair world. At least
it’s good for my hair to rinse the conditioner out with cold water.
After wasting all of the time that I possibly could in the shower, I towel
dried my hair, combed through it, and walked naked down the hall to my room. I
flopped onto my bed in hopes of rest, but just as I had drifted into a state of
peace, someone knocked on my doorway.
“What,” I snapped. I hadn’t meant to sound so pissed, but I wasn’t sorry. I was
never sorry.
I heard the person who had knocked shift uncomfortably. “Um, Emperor Zarkon
commands your presence, Prince Lotor. He’s in the throne room.”
I opened my eyes to glare at Sendak. He straightened his posture and stared
back into my eyes, but I could tell that he was doing everything in his power
not to look down at my exposed body. I pulled on a t-shirt dress and some sexy
underwear, maintaining eye contact with Sendak the entire time. I was terrified
of him, but I would never admit it out loud. The only person I hated more than
him was my father.
Ever since Zarkon declared my body public domain when I was eleven, I vowed
that I would seek vengeance on him and the people, like Sendak, who stole what
little innocence I had away from me.
Sendak turned, breaking the stare. I followed him down through the maze of
halls to what my father called ‘the throne room.’ It had a fancy chair in the
middle of it, but other than that, it didn’t deserve to be called a throne
room. The cement walls were stained with time and various bodily fluids. The
floor was covered in the blood, old and new, of whores and tenants who hadn’t
done as they were told. When my mother wasn’t working in the lab, she was
scrubbing this floor. Her efforts were to no avail.
My father was sitting up in his throne with his elbows propped on the armrests.
He tilted his chin upward when he saw me. I kneeled before him. “Lord Zarkon,”
I greeted. “Why have you called me here?” I stayed on my knees, but met his
gaze.
He took his time answering. “I have a new job for you,” came his raspy voice.
I waited. Sometimes a new job meant that I go on an alcohol run. Sometimes a
new job meant that I was going to some foreign country in a few hours to film
for a week straight. I hoped that it was the former.
“Do you remember Lance?” he asked.
I didn’t remember Lance. I probably didn’t want to. He sounded like some skeevy
wannabe dom that likes knives a little too much. Maybe he was a drug dealer? I
don’t know. “No, sire,” I replied to my father’s question.
Zarkon crossed his legs comfortably. The slowness of his actions made it clear
that you were to wait on him. They made it clear that he was more important
than anyone else in the room. They made me angry. “You need to babysit him.”
That caught me off guard. “What?” Of all the things he had made me do, never
once had my father asked me to babysit. “Who?”
“Lance,” he repeated. “You took some pictures with him a while back. You need
to pick him up from school and watch him until Rico can get him in the morning.
There’s a list of rules for you to follow in your car. Have him call you Jack.
I don’t want you getting too friendly with him. Do you understand?”
I didn’t understand. Where did any of this come from? “I think that I’m hardly
qualified to babysit a...um...Lance. I really-” Father was glaring at me. “I
mean, of course, sire. I understand. Vrepit sa.” I stood and made my way for
the door.
“And Lotor,” Zarkon called, “if you’re going to spend three hours masturbating
in the shower, at least do it in front of a camera and make me some money out
of it.” A few men in the room gave low chuckles.
I had learned over the years to conceal my emotions, but my father always
managed to find ways to embarrass me. I quickened my pace to leave. All I
wanted was to sleep. Maybe I should have napped in the shower, the one place I
can be alone. When I got to my car I remembered that I wasn’t wearing shoes.
Fuck it. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going back in there.
I sped off to the address at the top of my ‘rule list.’ It brought me to a high
school. Wonderful. I love high school. I didn’t see any kids outside, so class
must not’ve been out yet. I read over the list while I waited.
Rules around Lance:
1- Don’t curse. Don’t use inappropriate slang or euphemisms.
2- Only give him water and the formula provided. Do NOT feed him solid food.
(It makes him sick).
3- Don’t answer his questions. He doesn’t need to know anything that he doesn’t
already know.
4- Don’t talk about sex. He shouldn’t have the vocabulary to even think about
it.
5- Don’t expose him to media. No books, magazines, movies, shows, music, etc.
NO INTERNET.
6- Don’t put him in any unnecessary danger. He’s fragile. Be careful with him.
I had to read the list four times over before I believed that I was reading it.
What was this? Was I taking care of a dog or baby? This was by far the most
bizarre situation I’ve ever been in. Don’t feed him solid food? Don’t let him
think about sex? How the hell am I supposed to control that?
Oh, fuck. I’m not supposed to curse either. What the hell? How?
I knew my father hated me, but this was beyond cruel. I crumpled the list and
shoved it into the glove box. I didn’t care what Lance’s rules were. If I had
to spend the rest of the day and into the next morning with some dog-baby, then
I was going to do it my way. Fuck the rules. Screw the consequences.
The school bell caught my attention. Teenagers flooded the campus like ants. I
sat there watching them for some time before I realized that I didn’t know what
Lance looked like or how he was going to find me.
I dug the list back out of the glove box and found two phone numbers at the
top. One was labeled ‘emergency’ and the other was by itself. I decided to call
the second one. It rang four times before someone picked up.
“¿Hola?” came a little voice.
I wasn’t expecting Spanish. It took me a moment to think of what to say.
“Uhh...¿eres Lance?”
There was a moment of silence on the other end. “Yea- uh, sí. Soy Lance. ¿Eres
Jack?”
“¿Dónde estás?” I tried. I really wanted to get out of here and go to sleep.
“Ugh. If you speak English, I’m on the west side of the school. Black Jaguar.
Ser rápido.” I really hoped that I wouldn’t have to look up how to say that in
Spanish. I haven’t tried to use the language in so long.
“I speak English,” Lance giggled. There was a muffling sound. “What is west?” I
heard him ask someone else. There was a laugh, followed by an “I’ll show you.”
Most people had cleared out within the first ten minutes of the bell, so it
wasn’t hard to notice when two boys rounded the corner. They wore the same
orange uniforms that all of the other ants had worn. I stuffed the instructions
back into the glove box. “Lance?” I said into the phone. The kid with brown
hair turned to the phone in his hand.
“Yeah?”
“Come to the car alone.” I hung up before he had the chance to respond. He
turned to the other guy and the black haired kid pointed at my car. Then they
parted ways.
Lance climbed wearily into the back seat.
“You’re not going to sit in the front?” I asked.
“I’m not allowed,” Lance said.
“Of course you’re not.” I glanced up at my rear view mirror. Big blue eyes were
looking back at me. They were...weird. I think what made them so unnerving was
their striking beauty accompanied by dark eye bags. Lance didn’t say anything
throughout the entire drive. Every time I dared to glance at the rear view
mirror, he was staring right back at me. He looked confused. His gaze could be
described as...expectant. He looked like he was waiting for something.
I didn’t want to go back to my father’s hide out, so I took Lance to my place.
It was two towns over from my dad’s. He used it mostly for drug storage. On the
surface it was an abandoned car wash that had been burned down. I pressed the
left button on my garage door remote to open the underground lot. My car was
the nicest thing I owned and I intended to keep it that way. I didn’t want any
hooligans, such as myself, messing it up.
I got out and started to walk to the doorway of my hideout, but Lance stayed in
the car. He looked like a sad puppy that was trapped in a WalMart parking lot.
I opened the door for him and he stepped out, continuing to give me that
expectant look.
I cleared my throat. “Follow me.”
He did.
The entirety of my place was bare cement, except for the kitchen. It only had a
front room, which was connected to the kitchen, a little hallway that led to my
bedroom, and a bathroom. My cronies were all lounging in the front room. Ezor
was eating from the bricks of crack in the corner with a plastic spoon. Narti
was counting money in the other corner and her cat was sleeping next to her.
Zethrid and Acxa were playing a game of Go Fish and passing a joint back and
forth between turns.
I motioned to a nasty piece of upholstery foam that was on the ground by the
kitchen. “You can sit there.”
“Do you-” Lance couldn’t finish because Ezor had tackled him.
“Intruder!” she yelled. “I’ve got ‘em! No one panic!”
Acxa looked over, but Zethrid passed the blunt back and her attention was taken
away.
I pulled Ezor off of him. Lance only blinked at her. “This is Lance,” I told
her. “We’re babysitting.” I noticed that he had dropped his phone. I picked it
up.
Ezor squealed in delight and wrapped her arms around him. “Laaance!”
I had never had to babysit before. I was probably doing it wrong, but I didn’t
sign up for this. It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t know what I was doing. I
decided to mix some of Lance’s formula and feed him. Maybe then I could finally
go to sleep. “Keep an eye on them,” I told Acxa before heading into the
kitchen. She nodded.
I was reading the instructions on the baby food/drink stuff when the little
gray flip phone rang. Irritation caused my eye to twitch. I answered it, but
didn’t say anything. There was a moment of silence before the caller said,
“Hello?” I remained quiet. “Hello? Lance? Was that your ride? Are you okay?”
I hated talking on the phone. I hesitated to come up with an answer. “Lance
está durmiendo,” I lied. I hung up and turned the phone all of the way off. I
hate phones.
Back to the baby-meal-stuff. While I boiled water, I listened to everyone in
the other room. Ezor and Lance were the only ones that I could really
understand.
“Try some of this!” she said.
“I’m not allowed,” he replied.
“Why not?” she continued.
“I don’t eat,” he said.
“Hmm,” she hmm’d. “Do you drink?”
“Um...some things. Mostly water, though.”
“How about this?” she offered.
“Is it an allergy? Keith said that new things might be allergies.”
I didn’t know what she was trying to give him, but I assumed that Acxa, or
maybe Narti, would intervene if it was something too bad. I heard Ezor
giggling.
“Oh,” Lance said. His voice was deeper than what I’d heard so far. “That’s
weird.”
Ezor was full out cackling now. “Lance,” she coughed out. She stopped laughing
abruptly. A moment of silence passed. She gasped. “Lance?” Then she started
crying. “Lance. Stop that.” She cried harder. “No! Stop!”
I put down what I was doing and stepped back in. Acxa had fallen asleep and
Zethrid was trying to look at her cards. I turned my head to see Lance shaking
and foaming at the mouth. “What did you do?!” I growled. I had literally had
Lance in my care for half an hour and he was already dying. Ezor was trying to
hold him down, but she was crying too hard.
“He wanted a drink!” she sobbed.
Then I saw the empty vial on the floor. I realized that Ezor had given Lance
the new drug that my mother had been working on. It wasn’t ready to be taken.
Especially not by a tiny kid like Lance. I pushed Ezor out of the way and
shoved my hand down his throat until he gagged and threw up. I kept making him
puke until he stopped convulsing. Then I got him some water and made him throw
that up until I was sure that everything was out of his system. His heart was
still beating and he was breathing, so I decided not to worry that he was
unconscious.
I stood and looked down at him. The floor, his uniform, the upholstery foam,
and my dress were covered in vomit. Luckily there were no chunks. Great
babysitting, I thought. He’s not dead yet. Then I surveyed the rest of the
room. “Acxa!” I snapped, waking her up. “This is your fault, so you get to
clean this mess up.” She looked at the floor and nodded glumly. Ezor had
stopped crying and was eating crack with a plastic spoon again.
I sighed and picked Lance up. I carried him to the bathroom, which was weirdly
nice compared to the rest of the hideout. The bathroom had a functioning
toilet, sink and bathtub with running hot water. I laid Lance in the tub and
began to peel his clothes off. He was very skinny. I mean, I could tell with
his clothes on that he was thin, but his nudity revealed his rib cage and
prominent hips. He looked like one of the little twinks that my father liked to
play with.
Oh, shit. Was Lance one of Zarkon’s boy toys? Fuck, I hoped not.
His wrists and lower forearms were wrapped with gauze. His bandages didn’t have
any puke on them, so I decided to leave them be. I studied the rest of Lance’s
body. He was hairless. He had light bruises all over, but aside from his
bandaged wrists, no major wounds. The longer I looked at him, the more I
thought he was one of my father’s pets. The only thing that made me think
otherwise was the lack of the little tattoo that signifies someone as a part of
the company, and the fact that he goes to school. Zarkon usually kept his toys
in little closets until he was ready to play.
Lance stayed asleep when I turned on the water. I decided to leave it running
while I changed clothes in my own room. When I came back, he was still asleep.
I brushed his teeth with Ezor’s toothbrush because I was mad at her. Then I
carried him to my bed, away from the others. It’d probably be weird for him if
he woke up naked in a place he’d never been before, so I slid the least
scandalous underwear I could find, some briefs, onto his legs and tucked him
under my covers. He looked like a puppy that was snuggled up with his litter,
except Lance was all alone. How tragic.
I left him to sleep. The farther away he was from everything, the better. When
I reentered the front room, I remembered how much I wanted to sleep. Acxa had
started cleaning the vomit, but now her and Zethrid were snuggling on the nasty
ass upholstery, also asleep.
I couldn’t deal with them right now. I was busy trying to care for a child that
I had just met two hours prior. I headed back into the kitchen. All of my water
had boiled away, so I started over. With every move I let out another sigh.
When I finally finished mixing Lance’s formula, and thinking about how fucking
weird it is that Lance eats (drinks?) formula, I took it back to my room. He
was still asleep.
The instructions on the box of his baby protein shake said to consume within
thirty minutes, so I nudged his shoulder to wake him up. He opened his eyes and
blinked slowly. I handed him the fruits of my labor. He drank all of it without
saying anything and then fell back asleep. “Okay then,” I said. “You sleep here
and I…” What was I saying? There was nowhere else for me to sleep. I didn’t
want to sleep on the floor, so maybe I could move Lance to the floor and I’d
take my bed.
Maybe I’d come up with something if I took another shower. I sat down and
meditated in what was left of the hot water. I didn’t figure out where I would
sleep, though. My meditation only concluded that I was really horny. I had just
filmed that morning, but I had been forced to bottom. I’m not a bottom and I
never have been. I tried beating off in the shower, but I couldn’t get myself
up. Then I remembered the perfectly good twink sleeping half naked in my bed.
That might work. If he belonged to my father, then I’m sure he wouldn’t mind.
Then I remembered the instructions. It only said that Lance shouldn’t have the
vocabulary to think about sex. It never said that he wasn’t to participate in
the act. Besides, this was my time. I could do whatever I wanted.
I dried myself off quickly, not bothering to put on any clothes. Lance was
talking in his sleep when I came back in. “Mama,” he murmured. He was crying.
He was very quiet, though. I’d never have noticed that he was even in the room
if I hadn’t come in for him.
The head on my shoulders told me to comfort him, but the head between my legs
told me to fuck him. They had an argument and decided that if he was a virgin,
we’d let him be. If not, his ass was ours.
Lance shuddered.
I kneeled on the bed next to him. “Lance,” I whispered. He didn’t wake up. I
pushed his shoulder this time. “Lance!”
His eyes snapped open and he looked like he was about to cry out, but he
swallowed the noise and took a shaky breath. I was astonished at how quickly he
calmed down.
God damnit. I couldn’t do it. Not when he was like this. I started to go, but
Lance grabbed my wrist. I turned right into his wet blue eyes.
“Please don’t leave me alone,” he nearly whispered.
Okay, maybe I could do it. I pushed his shoulders down so that his back was
against the bed. I crawled over Lance and straddled him, wiping the tears off
of his face. “One condition,” I said.
His eyes seemed to get wetter. “Please. I’ll do anything.”
Fuck, that was hot. “Are you a virgin?” I asked slowly.”
He narrowed his eyes in confusion. “What’s a virgin?”
I forced myself not to smile. “I can find out if you are. Would you like me to
do that?”
He nodded.
I pulled the blanket down off of his chest. The chill of the air made his
nipples perk up slightly. “All you have to do,” I instructed, “is be still.
Don’t move at all.” He nodded. Then he realized that this was movement froze
his head in place. I smirked to myself. Lance was so easy.
I ran my hand over his chest, just to touch his skin. He didn’t resist. I took
his hand and acted like I was examining it. I skimmed his arm, touching his
bandages, and his bicep, and his collar bone. I went over the other arm and
lightly kissed his fingers. I glanced over at his face to see how he would
react. He only stared back at me like he had been all day. I moved back over
his chest. I pretended to inspect his nipples as I circled them and pinched
them to dry stones between my fingers.
I slid my thumb and ring finger down his ribcage and messed with his belly
button. Can a belly button be beautiful? Because Lance’s was. I moved down
again and played with the hem of his (my?) underwear. I traced his hips a few
times before finally pulling them off of his long thin legs. Damn. Leggy boy.
The action of undressing him with the intent to fuck aroused me, probably more
than it should have.
I tickled the bottom of his feet, tracing the arch back and forth. He tried so
hard not to move, but he flinched slightly. I ran my fingers slowly up the
inside of his legs and down his penis when I got there. He wasn’t hard. I
lifted his dick and tried to appear to study his hairless balls, but really I
poking at them to get him erect. I slid a finger across the seam and back of
his shaft. It twitched.
I pulled back his foreskin and circled the head with my tongue. His legs
shifted under me. I sent a glare to his face and he straightened his legs back
to where they had been. I gave him a blow job, but at a rate that was painfully
slow, even for me. He really seemed to like it when I dipped the tip of my
tongue into his urethral opening. I only did it to get him up, though. Not to
get him off. I took a minute to appreciate my mad skills.
Then I took his legs and lifted them. I brought his knees to his shoulders.
“Hold these,” I commanded. He obeyed without hesitation and grasped his thighs.
I checked out his ass. I couldn’t see it very well in the dark, but it looked
clean enough. Hopefully, since this kid never eats, I wouldn’t get shit on my
dick tonight.
I considered eating his ass, but I couldn’t wait any longer. I grabbed some
lube out of my bedside drawer and applied copious amounts all over him. “Don’t
move,” I reminded. I didn’t have time to prep him. Excessive lube would have to
do. I had barely gotten a condom on before I thrust into him.
He gasped, but again seemed to swallow a cry. As I picked up the pace, I
noticed his grip tighten and relax, then tighten again.
I probably should’ve been a little more careful with him, but I was tired and I
was desperate. The sooner I let off my load, the sooner I could go to sleep. I
changed my angle to make myself more comfortable and dear gods above and below
the sound he made. I must have found his prostate. He let go of his legs to
clench the sheets. His ass clenched around me at the same time. It was the
purest thing I had ever seen. I came immediately. I thought that I should ride
off my high, but I kept hitting his spot and I got lost in his twitches and
howls. It wasn’t long before I found myself hard again.
Most people in the porn industry were fake as hell. Everything they did was
forced and annoying. Lance, however, was full of raw sincerity. It was
beautiful. I don’t know how I managed to refrain from cursing throughout the
experience. I had entranced myself with Lance. I stopped processing that he was
a living, breathing person beneath me. I started seeing an object. An extremely
arousing sack of flesh that made different wonderful noises if you hit the
right buttons.
I came five times before I was finally finished for the night. I had no idea
about Lance, but there was a fair amount of semen on us that wasn’t mine.
Curiously, I tasted a bit. It was sweet, as far as semen goes. I moved out from
under him and his legs thwomped onto the bed.
Lance was sleeping. Fuck, I hope he fell asleep after I finished in him. I am a
monster, but there is a line.
I threw my overflowing condom on the floor and wiped myself and Lance down with
baby wipes. Those ended up on the floor as well. I would pick them up later,
after some rest. I crashed into the mattress, between Lance and the wall. I was
almost asleep when I heard a little peep from beside me.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
I opened one eye to look at him. “Why?”
He hesitated. “I moved when you said to be still… I’m sorry.”
I let my eye close. “It’s okay,” I mumbled. “You were good.” I sounded like
such a fucking creep. Zarkon would kill me if he knew what I did. Not because I
had sex with a minor, but because I had sex for free. I opened my eyes and
pinned Lance’s shoulders to the bed again. “You don’t tell anyone about this,
okay?”
He licked his lips. “Like a secret?”
“Yes. Exactly like a secret.” I pushed slightly harder on him to enforce my
statement. “You tell no one about this.”
He nodded. Now that I didn’t have to worry about my father, I relaxed again.
I was almost asleep, again, when Lance shifted. He was cuddling me. I was not
the cuddling type. I pushed him off. “So am I?” he asked.
I waited for him to elaborate. “Are you what?”
“A vegan,” he said like it was a bad word.
I was confused at first, but then I caught on. “A virgin?” I laughed. He
snuggled himself back against my chest. I was going to push him off again, but
it was too much effort. I had already broken so many of my rules that night.
What was one more?
“Yeah,” he murmured. “Am I a virgin?”
“Oh, don’t worry,” I smirked slyly. “You’re not.”
Chapter End Notes
     heh...vegans
***** Keith II *****
Chapter Notes
     Yo...I don't speak Spanish, so if you do and notice something wrong,
     please correct me.
     Also, I don't like trigger warnings because spoilers and, like, if
     you haven't been triggered yet, you're doing it wrong, but tw.
I couldn’t focus in math. I kept looking up at the door to see if Lance was
going to walk in, late as usual, but he never did. He had gotten into that
weird car with that weird guy and I hadn’t heard from him since. I had tried
calling, but someone else had answered. We were three weeks into school, and if
I had learned anything it was that Lance was an idiot. If he had gotten himself
killed, I was going to kill him.
In second hour, I told Hunk and Pidge about my concerns. Now, don’t get me
wrong. I don’t care about anything...or anyone. It’s just that Lance made me
nervous. I’d never seen him eat, he flinches when people touch his arms, and
he’s constantly getting lost. I probably just have a natural human instinct to
protect the weak, or something. Being around Lance must activate it.
The next hour, in history, Lance still didn’t show. He was probably just sick
or something, but the strange circumstances of the last time I had seen him
left a doubt in my mind. All of the horrible possibilities that I was thinking,
Hunk was fretting out loud.
“Hunk,” I eventually snapped. “You’re not helping.”
Then two hands were on my shoulders, distracting me from my nervous friend. I
thought that maybe it was Lance, and he had walked in when I had turned away,
but I didn’t recognize the voice. “Worried about your boyfriend?” they
whispered harshly. Then I heard sniggers behind me. I knew that the bullies
would show up at some point, I just didn’t want it to be now. After I didn’t
answer, his grip on my shoulders tightened. “You’re fucking gay, aren’t you?”
Oh, damn. He got me.
“He’s that fag from middle school. Fucking disgusting.”
Anger. That seemed to be my default emotion. I stood up out of my chair and
turned to face them, three guys that I recognized as the kids who always watch
porn in Remedial English. “So what if I am gay?” I spat.
They started yelling and barking with laughter. “He said it! He admits it! He’s
a fucking faggot!”
I was getting ready to fight. I barely acknowledged Hunk’s advice to ignore
them. I took a step towards them when someone cleared their throat behind me.
The hollering was suppressed to giggles. “Mr. Kogane,” Mr. Kaltenecker said.
“To the counselor’s office.”
I whipped around in surprise. “Are you kidding me?”
His eyes widened at my response, but he regained his composure. “What? No, you
have a pass.”
I looked down at the green slip of paper that he was holding out to me.
Class: KALTENECKER Room: _425_
Student: KEITH KOGANE
__x__to the office _____to the library
_____to check out _____to the nurse
“Oh,” I said quietly. “Sorry.” I took the pass and made my way to the eleventh
grade counselor’s office. Her door was open, but she asked me to close it when
I entered. There was a cop sitting in there, who smiled at me when I made eye
contact. I’d been arrested a few times before and I did not like it. I didn’t
really like cops either. I sat warily, two seats down from him. I really had no
idea what was going on. If I was about to be arrested for being gay, I was
going to lose my shit.
The counselor was typing away at her keyboard before she addressed me. “Keith?”
she asked. I nodded. “You’re an only child yes?”
The fuck? Straight to the point. Okay. “I’m an orphan,” I told her.
She blushed slightly. “Yes, well, we want to help you. So I guess we have to
start somewhere. Do you think that your loneliness is what causes you to lash
out? Do you think that it’s the source of your behavioral issues? Do you think
that moving between foster homes for most of your life hurt you?”
I was extremely uncomfortable. Of course that’s why I was so screwed up, but
where did any of this even come from? I hadn’t done anything all year so far. I
mean, it had only been three weeks, but, like, still. “Look, lady,” I said.
“I’m alone, not lonely. I’m sure you think you’re helping, but you’re really
not. You’re only making me feel worse for being born into shitty circumstances.
I don’t mean to be rude or anything, but you’re wasting my time. Like, I’m
trying to graduate, so I’d rather not miss class.” I started to stand, but she
blocked the door with a meter stick. Where the hell did she get that?
The bell rang, so it was lunch now.
“Mr. Kogane,” she asserted. “Sit down.” I did as she said. “I will help you,
but this isn’t about me. This is about you. I know that life is hard for you
right now, but it will get better. For example, have you ever heard of the Big
Brothers Big Sisters program?”
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess?” I recognized the name, but that was about
it.
She sighed. “The state wants you to have a role model, so this guy-” she
gestured to the cop with the meter stick “-is going to be your big brother.
You’re going to spend time with him and you’re going to learn from him. Got
it?”
I stared at her for a minute. I looked at the policeman and then back at my
counselor. “The state wants some cop to babysit me so that I don’t get into any
trouble, you mean.”
The counselor closed her eyes and flared her nostrils. “That’s all I needed to
tell you. You can go back to class now.” She started typing again, faster than
before.
“Okay,” I breathed, standing. I was halfway down the hall when the cop guy
stopped me.
“Keith! Wait.”
I turned and raised my eyebrows at him. “May I help you?” I said with no intent
of helping. Now that he was closer, I noticed a weird scar that stretched
across his nose. I wondered how that had happened.
“At least let me introduce myself before you run off.” He sounded like he
genuinely wanted to get to know me. Ugh. I faced him with my body to indicate
that I was listening. “Right,” he said. “My name is Takashi Shirogane, but
people call me Shiro. You can call me Shiro. I’m a detective in this county.
Um...you’re Keith.”
I started walking towards class again. Shiro followed.
“What uh- what’re some things that you usually do?”
I rolled my eyes, but then I realized that he couldn’t see my face. “Oh, you
know,” I said casually. “Raising hell, getting in fights, avoiding people,
hiding from cops~.” On that last one I gave him a long side glance. That made
Shiro laugh. It wasn’t a fake or nervous laugh, like most adults had around me.
I had to fight the smile trying to form on my own lips. I was supposed to be
angry right now. Angry people don’t smile. “This is my class,” I grunted when
we approached Ryner’s room.
Shiro opened the door for me with a fingerlessly gloved hand. What a gentleman.
“Okay then. See you later, Keith! It was nice meeting you!”
“Whatever,” I grumbled, entering the science classroom. I scanned the room to
find Hunk and Pidge. “Lance!” He was sitting with his head on the table, but he
perked up when he heard my voice.
“Keith! I was worried about you!” he exclaimed.
That made me laugh. “You’re the one who was gone. Why were you so late to
school?”
Lance plucked at his sleeves. “I had to clean my uniform.” He seemed ashamed.
I sat down next to him and smiled teasingly, like I didn’t notice his demeanor.
“You had to randomly clean your uniform in the middle of the week?”
Pidge snorted. “That is such a Lance thing to do.”
Lance seemed confused, as usual. “I threw up on it, so we had to wash it.”
Hunk’s cheeks darkened slightly with a blush.
That wasn’t the answer that I had expected. I needed to know more. “If you
threw up, then why didn’t you stay home all day?” I questioned.
It was Lance’s turn to laugh. “I would miss way too much school if I stayed
home everytime I puked.” He couldn’t have known what he was saying. His smile
didn’t falter once, despite what he was implying. “Oh! That reminds me,” he
cheered. “Papi wants you four...uh, three to all come over after school. He
said that he wants to talk to you about something.”
Hunk was the first to agree. Pidge dug out her phone to ask her dad. I
considered asking Kristen, but then she would try to drive me home and talk to
me and I didn’t think that I could handle her voice today. I told Lance that I
would go.
Everyone pulled out their work after that, and I bent down to do the same
except that I didn’t have my bag. “Fuck,” I said under my breath. “I think I
left my bag in Kaltenecker’s.”
Hunk slid over my backpack from under his chair. “I’ve got you, buddy.” What a
guy, that Hunk. “Where’d you go anyway?”
I groaned, remembering my annoyance at the whole affair. “They’re making me do
this thing where this cop guy is like my big brother, or something. I think
that they’re really just trying to get someone to keep an eye on me, though.
I’m not too fond of cops...or associates, really.”
I was expecting everyone to say their Amens and agree with me. They did not do
that.
Pige loudly finished her Capri Sun (because we’re high schoolers, dammit).
“Bro... My dad is, like, Chief of Police...and my brother is a detective...and
I’m going into the academy as soon as I graduate.”
Hunk scratched the back of his head. “I’ve been volunteering at the police
department for, like, half of my life. I plan to go to the academy, too…”
I stared at them for a minute. How did I not know this?
Lance spelled out the word ‘police’ on his paper. “Like that?” he asked. “On
their sleeves?” Everyone nodded. He smiled, glad to know what everyone was
talking about for once. “I’ve seen police before. They came to my house when
Mama-” His smile faltered. “I’ve seen them before,” he repeated.
Hunk was quick to change the subject. “You guys wanna see a picture of a dog
that I saw this morning?”
It was the most awkward lunch period of my life. Pidge kept giving me weird
looks for saying the cop thing. Hunk kept trying to break the tension by
offering everyone food, but that only made it worse when I tried to get Lance
to eat some. He looked like he was going to cry or something. I was so thankful
when the bell finally rang. Or at least I was until I remembered that I had
English next. A crumpled piece of paper was shoved into my hand in the hallway.
I suspected that it was the homophobes from earlier. I unfolded it to read:
“kieth koGAY,
you have 24 hrs to proove that your no homo or were going to beet you up and
your boyfriend to”
It was so poorly written that I almost laughed. Almost. The whole situation was
peeving me quite a bit. Every situation, really.
In English, the bullies were watching porn on full volume, as usual, and Mr.
Haxus was doing nothing about it, as usual. They kept laughing and saying shit
like, “the bottom one is him,” and then they’d point at me or Lance and chuckle
until they said it again.
I guess that I had never realized how many classes that Lance and I had with
them until today. At least two of them were in every hour. In gym class, after
Mr. Iverson had barked at us for ten minutes, we all went into the locker room
to change. I told Lance not to stick so close to me. I thought that maybe the
bullies would leave us alone if we weren’t together. That was a mistake.
Two guys grabbed him and pulled him to the opposite corner as soon as we
entered the room. What kind of highschool boys plan an ambush? He gasped in
both surprise and pain when they grabbed his arms. “Hey. You’re hurting me,” he
grimaced. Lance didn’t fight back at all. They twisted his arms until he cried
out. He kind of sounded like a kitten that a child squeezed a little too hard.
Tears threatened to spill from the corners of his eyes.
I was so angry that I couldn’t see straight. “Let him go!” I screamed. “He
didn’t do anything to you!”
The ugliest of the batch grabbed Lance’s hair and looked me straight in the
eyes. “We’ll let him go after you listen to us,” he said. If looks could kill,
they’d all be dead. “We have a little rule ‘round here. That’s no fags allowed.
You and this twink are breaking that rule, so I reckon you should leave. If you
prove that you’re not filthy homos, then you’re safe… If you can’t, then you
can kill yourselves or we’ll kill you. Disappear and get your disgusting selves
away from us.”
Someone said, “Amen.”
I was doing everything I could not to beat all of them to bloody pulps right at
that moment. “I listened,” I said through gritted teeth, “so let Lance go.”
They shoved him to the ground and a few of themkicked him while he was down. As
soon as they got away from him, I rushed to his side.
Just then, Iverson stomped in. “What is going on here!” he yelled. “Why have
you wasted ten minutes of class time and none of you are dressed still?!”
The ugly one stepped forward. “These fags were trying to touch us, sir! We was
just tryna protect ourselves.”
“Seriously?” I grunted.
Iverson bought it and turned on us. “You two-”
“Uh oh” Lance uh oh’d. “I got blood on my uniform.” I whipped around to see him
cradling his wrists in his lap. A little stream of blood was following the
lines on his hands and pooling in his palms. I was beyond furious.
“Then go to the nurse!” Iverson huffed. “Don’t let me see you back here until
tomorrow!” I helped Lance get to his feet. As we were leaving I heard Iverson
mutter something about ‘pussy faggots’. I hate this fucking state.
It had been a really shitty day, but at least it was almost over.
The nurse wasn’t in his/her office, but I didn’t think that Lance knew that
someone should’ve been there because he went through drawers and cabinets until
he found what he needed: a clean towel, antibiotic cream, and gauze bandages.
Maybe he’s not totally helpless. He was about to pull up his sleeves, but then
he thought better of himself and started unzipping his uniform. I faced the
other way to save his modesty.
“Keith,” he said. “The zipper is stuck.”
I turned with a grunt, unzipped his uniform (which of course he wore no shirt
under), and stomped outside. I realized that I was really curious to see his
arms. I assumed that he cut, but I wanted to see. Then I was mad at myself for
thinking that. I stood by the door like I was guarding it. In my head I was
warring at whether or not I would peek at him. What if he needed help in there?
I mean, it was Lance. He needed help with everything. I went back into the
office and closed the door behind me.
“All done,” he smiled. He had wrapped both of his forearms with white gauze,
which contrasted nicely with his skin. I was both grateful and disappointed
that he had finished before I could see. The bandages were even and precise, as
if wrapped by a practiced hand. That made me kind of sad. It looked like he was
wearing leg warmers, but they were for arms.
I stared at his bare upper half for probably longer than I should have. He was
just so skinny. The shoulder pads of his uniform had really masked his slender
frame. His ribs looked like they were trying to escape from under his skin.
There were bruises all over his arms and torso. Lance would probably bruise if
someone ran into him in the hallway, but people pushing him down and kicking
him wasn’t helping. He turned around to pick up his shirt. His spine and
shoulder blades looked like dinosaur spikes on his back. “Keith?” he asked,
facing me.
I forced my eyes to meet his. “What?”
“Will you help me zip this?” He slipped his arms in the sleeves of his jacket.
It was weird now. When everyone else was just getting dressed, Lance was
donning a second skin, like armor. “Keith?”
I shook myself from my thoughts. “Yeah. Of course.” I zipped his top closed,
hiding his tiny body from the outside world. Those bullies would really kill
Lance if they got a hold of him. Maybe I should go back into the closet for a
little while. Maybe then they’d leave him alone. I was still holding the zipper
under his chin. We were very close. I could feel his breath on my face.
“Lance?”
A beat of silence. “Yeah?” Through my peripheral vision I saw those big blue
eyes look up at me, but I couldn’t meet them. I stared at his lips instead.
“You should wear clothes under your uniform.”
“Oh.”
After that, we wandered the halls for a bit. We couldn’t go back to Iverson’s,
but Sr. Dos Santos said that we could just stay in his room. It was his
planning hour anyway. I’d never been a teacher’s favorite, but Dos Santos
absolutely adored Lance, so I got the perks too. Lance laid his head down on
his desk and closed his eyes. When class did eventually start, I counted two
bullies. ‘One more hour,’ I told myself.
“Buenas tardes clase,” Señor greeted. “Hoy es jueves, which means that we will
review today before your test mañana. Today we will play Verdad o Reto, Truth
or Dare. I took out the frisky cards, so don’t worry about that. This will help
you practice the simple commands and questions that you have learned so far.
Please circle up into groups of siete. Then I will pass out the cards. You will
have ten seconds to answer the question or perform the action. Vámanos.”
Lance and I sat near the front. A group of girls joined us so that we had six.
I watched the other students, mostly freshmen, mill around the room until they
took timid seats on the ground next to strangers. One person was left standing.
It was one of the bullies.
“Aaron,” Sr. Dos Santos addressed. “Come sit here in Lance’s circle.”
Aaron sat across from Lance and me, sneering. I narrowed my eyes at him in
distaste. Lance smiled at him, like an idiot.
The girls were the first to ask each other questions and give dares. They
couldn’t stop giggling when one girl went to the door instead of the board. It
was a while before they included the three other people in the group. “Keith,”
one girl said. “¿Verdad o reto?”
I sighed. “Verdad.”
She drew a card. “¿Cómo se llama tu madre?”
I sighed again. “No tengo una madre.” There was a brief awkward silence. Now it
was my turn, I guess. “Aaron. ¿Verdad o reto?”
He wrinkled his nose at me. “Verdad.”
I drew a card. “¿Tienes hermanos?”
Aaron bit the inside of his cheek. I found a strange comfort in the fact that
he didn’t know the answer. I mean, he had power, but at least I was better than
him. “No,” he guessed eventually.
“Wrap it up, clase!” Señor said. “Two or three more rounds. Make sure everyone
gets to go!”
“Uh, Lance,” Aaron said. “¿Verdad o reto?”
“Reto,” he replied immediately. He was tapping his shoe. He was ready to do
whatever that card said in ten seconds or less.
Aaron drew a card and looked at it for a few moments. “I don’t know what this
says,” he stated eventually, handing it to Lance.
I leaned over to read the card. It read, “Bese a la persona a tu derecha.” That
was definitely not one of our phrases. I didn’t recognize any of the words.
Lance grabbed my chin and pulled me into a kiss. What? Why was he doing that?
The girls in our group were squealing. My face burned from blushing so hard. I
couldn’t help but note how soft his lips were. It was annoyingly pleasant. When
he pulled away I touched my own lips with my fingers. Aaron smiled cruelly and
slid a single finger across his throat. Why had Lance done that? We were so
fucked.
Sr. Dos Santos picked up the card. “Whoops! I missed one of the frisky ones,”
he laughed. He looked at the card again and furrowed his eyebrows.
“Lance...derecha means right.”
Lance did a double take and made “L’s” with his hands. He lifted the left one.
“Right.”
Señor sighed. “That’s left, mijo.”
Lance seemed startled. “What?”
I got over my shock of being kissed. Lance just wanted to win the game. He
obviously didn’t mean anything by it. “Lance,” I said. “Your name starts with
an ‘L’.”
He looked at his hands again. “Oh.”
Dos Santos chuckled to himself. “Go ahead and pack your bags, children. You can
leave as soon as the bell rings.”
Lance and I met up with Hunk and Pidge after class. They asked how the rest of
our day was, but I wasn’t too keen to talk about it. Lance called his dad and
we all road in Hunk’s car to his house. Lance looked out of the back seat
window like he wanted to take in every detail that the world had to offer. When
we finally arrived at the small yellow house, a tall, dark hispanic man opened
the door.
Lance beamed at him. “¡Hola, Papi!” He gave the man a kiss on the lips and
wrapped his arms around him. “Te extrañé.”
The man, Lance’s dad, I guess, embraced his son, I guess. “Yo también, cariño.”
During the few moments of awkward hug-silence I decided to observe my
surroundings. It was a small house. The front door opened into a small living
room. The living room had a couch, a sofa chair, and a coffee table. The coffee
table had candles on it, but they were the only things in the room. That was
too many candles, I think. Next to the living room was a kitchen. It was dark,
so I wasn’t able to note very many details. On the other side of the living
room was a hallway, which I assumed led to the rest of the house. There were no
lights on, but dark curtains were drawn back, letting in daylight.
The hug ended. “Voy a vomitar,” Lance smiled. He started walking down the
little hallway. I really wished that I knew what he was saying. I’d have to get
better at Spanish if I was going to be around him for the rest of high school.
I think that ‘voy’ means ‘go’ or something, but I wasn’t sure about the rest.
There was a sound like a basketball hitting hard concrete.
His dad winced. Then he sighed. “He ran into the door.” I was a little
surprised to hear English, but I was more concerned with what he said than how
he said it.
Normally we all would have laughed- Lance was the butt end of most of our
jokes- but something about his dad’s reaction stopped us. “What’s wrong with
him?” I said without thinking.
Pidge shot me a scolding mom glare.
“That is what I wish to speak to you all about,” Lance’s dad concurred. He
gestured at the couch. “Please, sit.” We all did. His dad sat in the arm chair.
“You are the friends of Lance, yes?” Hunk and Pidge nodded. His dad looked at
me. “And you are Keith?”
I stared at him for a second in surprise. “Uh, yeah.”
He gave a curt nod, as if to solidify the information. He kept checking behind
him at the hallway that Lance had gone down. A constant look of worry wrinkled
his face. He was a lot older looking than I had expected. He sighed again.
Being around Lance makes people sigh a lot. “I love my child very much,” he
started, “but Lance is not very good at...he does not have much skill in...he
does not have much skill. He is very trusting and very easy to take advantage
of. I wish for you all to help him. To protect him. He has many troubles.”
Pidge furrowed her brow, like when we took notes in science, as if she was
going to be tested on this new information.
“I wish for you three to keep him away from bad things,” Lance’s dad continued.
“Television, music, internet, news, bad language, books, sex, drugs, violence,
bad people. I fear that some things in these might… I do not know the word in
English. I fear that these bad things might make Lance go over the edge. He is
a very sweet boy. I do not wish for him to be hurt. It is better that he is not
exposed to bad things.”
Hunk, Pidge, and I sat in a sort of silent shock. I thought about all of the
‘bad things’ that had happened just today. How were we supposed to protect
Lance from the horrors of high school?
Lance’s dad ran a hand over his face. “His mother passed a few years ago. Lance
was very close with her. He was devastated. He stopped leaving his room for a
while. He stopped eating. He used to play and be active, but now he sleeps most
of the time. It is very hard to see him this way. If you would shield him from
more hurt… And don’t try to make him eat. I believe you think you are helping,
but you are not.”
Just at me next time, Lance’s dad. Also, hadn’t I said just exactly that to the
counselor earlier today? I guess a lot of people think that they’re helping. I
was angry. How dare Lance be like this? Why does the happiest part of my life
get to be so sad?
After the little talk, Lance’s dad went back to check on his son. Hunk, Pidge,
and I stayed on the couch for a little while in silence. Eventually Pidge's dad
came to pick her up. She offered me a ride, but I declined. When Hunk decided
to go, he also offered me a ride, but I declined again. I wanted to walk. I
needed to think.
The sun was setting. That made me mad too. The sky was blue and the sun was
yellow. The light and dark didn’t mix in any beautiful way. It was painfully
ordinary. The sun went down and I realized that I didn’t know where I was
going. It was dark and I wasn’t familiar with this part of town.
Whatever. I didn’t care. I was too upset to worry about things that didn’t
matter. I continued to storm down the road.
This was the shitiest day of my life. First, the bullies at school had reared
their ugly faces, which I normally wouldn't care about if it weren’t for the
fact that they were threatening Lance too. That bullsht with the counselor and
the whole big brother thing happened. I almost had friends, but they probably
hated me now because of the shit I had said about cops. Then Lance had finally
showed up only to get attacked in the locker room, be stared at by me in the
nurse's office, and to kiss me in Spanish. I mean… he fucking kissed me!
I kicked something off the sidewalk in frustration. It was a fire hydrant.
Fuck!
My phone fell out of my pocket and made a disheartening clack against the
concrete. I picked it up and the thankfully unbroken screen lit up to tell me
that I had 43 missed calls and one voicemail from Kristen. Damn. Why couldn’t
she have just texted me or something? I tried to unlock my phone with my
fingerprint, but the night was too cold. It was the beginning of September in
Texas. It shouldn’t have been cold. I mistyped my password a few times because
my fingers were starting to get stiff. Worst. Day. Ever.
I finally got the voicemail to play. Kristen wasn’t her usual overly cheery
self on the recording.
“Keith, its Kristen. I really don’t want to leave this in your inbox, but I’ve
been calling you since you got off school and you haven’t answered. That’s
actually kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. I really wish that I could
be saying this to you in person… You never came home today. You leave without
telling me where you are going far too often. You can’t even be bothered to
answer my calls. I’m trying to help you, Keith. I really am. I think that this
is for the best, though...for both of us. My efforts obviously aren’t working
for you. This isn’t really working for me either. I don’t need the stress of
wondering where you are constantly or what’s wrong with you. I’m sorry I
couldn’t be a better foster parent. I tried, Keith. I really tried, but I think
it will be better for you if you try to find a different home. I didn’t find
any of your stuff in the house anyway, but you can tell me if you left anything
and I’ll take it to you. I’m sorry that everything turned out this way. I was
going to take you to the orphanage, but I have no idea where you are. You’re
supposed to go back there tonight. I really hope that everything turns out okay
for you, but I obviously wasn’t meant to be the one to help you. I’m really
sorry to leave this on your voicemail. I just… Goodbye, Keith.”
There was a click to signal that the message was over.
I stood in silence and lowered my phone slowly away from my face. I was
shocked. I should have expected this. I did expect this, but that didn’t stop
the the ache in my chest. I couldn’t count the number of times that this had
happened before, but that didn’t stop the pull on my stomach. It didn’t stop
the ringing in my ears or the tears on my face. I looked up at the sky and
screamed at it. I told myself that I didn’t care. I didn’t want to care, but I
really did.
The stars faded. Was I dead? No, I wouldn’t be so lucky. It was probably just a
stupid panic attack. I vaguely remember someone asking me if I was okay before
everything totally went black.
Fuck.
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