Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8697202.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Additional Tags:
      Established_Relationship, Pre-Canon
  Collections:
      Sinful_Desire
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-04-05 Chapters: 2/2 Words: 2529
****** Losing Grip ******
by LuciferRising [archived by sinfuldesire_archivist]
Summary
     Dean messes up. Can he mend his relationship with Sam?
     Underage, but no ages specified.
Notes
     Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally
     archived at Sinful-Desire.org. To preserve the archive, we began
     importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in
     November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted
     announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or
     know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on
     Sinful_Desire_collection_profile.
***** Chapter 1 *****
"Dean please, please fuck me." Dean pulled away from Sam quickly. "I thought we
talked about this already.." Sam let out an annoyed breath, and let his head
fall back against the bed.
 
"Yeah..YOU did." Dean closed his eyes. He was trying to think of something to
say that would make this okay. He didn't know why he kept denying Sam. Was Sam
too good for him? Was he ready to give himself completely away? "Sam..I'm sorry
okay." Sam just rolled his eyes.
 
Sam didn't understand why Dean couldn't give him what they both obviously
wanted. Sam had given himself to Dean. All of himself. Was Dean really sitting
there being afraid of settling down? It was apparent that they weren't
finishing what they started here.
 
"I gotta go to school.." Sam got up to finish getting ready for school, while
Dean just sat there. He looked so torn, but Sam's compassion went out the
window when Dean refused him. Sam went to walk out of their room, but stopped
at the doorframe. Without turning around he took a breath. "I love you Dean."
 
Dean looked up quickly. They had said it as brothers, but never as lovers. It
scared him..As soon as Sam was on his way to school and out of sight, Dean went
to the nearest 24/7 club. He got drunk, found a girl, and brought her home.
 
Sam decided he couldn't be at school today. Maybe he would tell Dean he was
sick. He walked in quietly incase Dean was asleep. He heard grunts and moans
coming from their room..His stomach immediately dropped. He walked slowly to
the door, that was slightly cracked.
 
He saw Dean driving into some random girl. She was whimpering and begging for
more. Dean kept his head buried in the girls neck. He was fucking her hard and
fast, grunting and running out of breath. Sweat was glistening on his skin.
 
Sam didn't know how to feel. Heartbroken would have been the first thing that
came to mind. How could Dean do this to him? Because he was afraid? He could
have just ended it, which wouldn't have gone down to well, but this...this was
cheating.
 
His eyes snapped back to Dean when He heard his breath hitch. He knew he was
about to come. He knew because he knew Dean. He knew him better than his whore.
Why would Dean even start something between them if he was going to end it? Why
would he hurt Sam after spending so much time protecting him?
 
Sam's eyes were filling with tears. Dean came shortly after. Sam walked back
down the hallway quietly to the bathroom. He closed and locked the door. He
heard Dean walking down the hallway. "Thanks sweetheart." She giggled. "Anytime
cutie. You just give me a call if you want some more."
 
Sam didn't hear Dean answer, which probably meant he was smirking at the girl.
Sam couldn't take this anymore. He had never felt so hurt. He started searching
for a razor somewhere in the bathroom. Once he found one he pulled up his
sleeve, and sliced 3 deep cuts in his arm. He felt better. He wrapped his
wounds, and took a deep breath.
 
When he heard the front door shut, he figured he would make himself known. He
turned on the water, washing off the blade. Dean went over to the bathroom
door. It was only noon, Sam was supposed to be in school. When he went to grab
the doorknob, the door opened.
 
"What're you doing here?" He could tell Sam had been crying. His eyes became
softer. He wanted to reach out and touch Sam. He wanted to make it all better.
"I didn't feel well." Dean nodded. "Why didn't you call me? I would have picked
you up."
 
"Sounded like you were too busy to answer your phone." Dean's eyes went wide.
Sam wasn't supposed to know about that. It was a mistake. He opened his mouth
to say something, and reached out to touch Sam's arm. "Don't touch me." Dean
pulled his hand away shocked. Sam had been angry before, but never like this.
 
"Sammy, I'm sorry..It was a mistake. Please." Sam gave him a dumbfounded look.
"A mistake? Well....Now you can go make all the mistakes you want." Dean's
heart broke. Was Sam leaving him? "Sam..don't.."
 
"No Dean..You want..THAT." His hand was motioning to their bedroom.."Go ahead
Dean.." Dean didn't know what to do. He fucked up..big time.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Sam pushed Dean aside, and went into their room. He laid down on the bed, and
started to fall asleep. He could feel the pulsing and stinging from his new
wounds. He needed this. He needed to know he could still feel. To know he was
still alive. He felt like watching Dean with that girl had killed a part of him
that he may never get back.
 
Dean left him alone. He knew if he tried to fix things now, it would only start
a fight. He went into the living room, and sat on the couch, not bothering to
turn on the tv. He rested his elbows on his knees, cradling his head in his
hands.
 
Why would he do something so awful to Sam. He had never cheated on anyone. He
never had to, but the only person he was truly in love with...He broke into a
million pieces. How could he fix this one? A few hours later Sam emerged from
their room. "I'm going for a walk." Dean just nodded. He didn't want to make
things worse.
 
It had been 3 weeks, and things seemed almost normal. Sam was only acting like
his little brother, and Dean was acting like his old self, as much as it hurt.
Sam thought he was fucking other people, but he wasn't. He didn't touch anyone
after what he did to Sam.
 
Sam continued to cut himself without Dean knowing. It was easy because it was
getting cold outside, so his long sleeves covered the broken habit. Sam had met
a guy at school that he liked. He was a good friend, and Sam knew he had a
crush on him, but he'd never give himself to anyone again.
 
One day when Dean saw Sam walking home from school, he noticed the guy that was
with him. Sam was grinning at the kid, hiding his eyes with his bangs. Dean
felt rage, but mostly hurting jealousy. Sam came inside, and sat down at the
kitchen table. Dean walked in the kitchen shortly after.
 
"So, who's that?" Sam smirked up at his brother. Dean could see deep inside
Sam, he was trying to hurt him. "I'm not sure it's your business." Dean was
getting mad now. Sam got up and walked over by the counter. Dean quickly pinned
him to the counter. "He fuck you Sammy?"
 
"What's it matter? You wouldn't." Dean smirked at Sam. "If you're gonna try and
be me, make sure you follow through." Dean leaned in to whisper in Sam's ear.
"They like it when you bite on their ear..well, most of them." He said as he
acted out his words, letting his teeth scrape against Sam's ear.
 
Sam tried to push Dean from his body, but Dean had a solid grip on Sam's
wrists. "You wanna fight Sammy?" Dean grabbed Sam by the back of the neck, and
pulled him backwards. "Don't start something you aren't gonna finish." Sam
slipped out of Dean's grip, and plowed into his brother, knocking him to the
floor.
 
They rolled around like that for a while, each getting a few good hits and
pins. Sam lifted himself off the floor, and went into their bedroom. Dean
stayed laying on the floor, breathing heavily. He lifted his head to yell at
Sam. "What's wrong Sammy? Give up?"
 
Sam had only moved because he felt his cuts re open. He went to change his
shirt before Dean noticed. He plopped down on his bed, and suddenly felt
exhausted. He drifted to sleep. He didn't hear Dean come into the room. Dean
looked down at his brother. He shouldn't have provoked him the way he did.
 
He noticed blood leaking from Sam's sleeve. "...The fuck?" He walked over to
examine what it was. He slowly lifted Sam's loose long sleeve, being careful
not to wake his brother. There were cuts all up and down Sam's arm. Some were
healed, and some were healing, and some were bleeding. He shook Sam.
 
"Sammy, Sammy get up!" Sam jumped up. He looked down to realize Dean had pulled
up his sleeve. He quickly reached to pull it down, but Dean stopped him. "What
did you do?" Sam looked like a kid who just got caught breaking a lamp. He
couldn't speak. "Sammy..why." Dean's features were soft. He was more worried
than angry.
 
"The first time was when I saw you with her, and it's kept me sane since...It
felt good. I didn't hurt anymore." Sam looked down to avoid looking at Dean.
His hair was covering his eyes. He did that more often now. Dean ran his hand
up Sam's arm, rubbing Sam's cuts with his thumb. "I..I did this?"
 
"No Dean, I did." Dean moved his hand to Sam's chin, lifting his head. "I'm so
sorry Sammy. I didn't mean to hurt you." Sam didn't say anything. Dean was too
lost in his thoughts to hear anything anyway. Instead, he lifted his hand to
rest it on Dean's shoulder. Dean looked up at Sam.
 
"I wish I could take it back. I don't know why I did what I did. I was scared.
I'm not scared of much Sammy, but how I feel about you scares the hell outa
me." Sam leaned in to kiss Dean, but stopping before his lips touched Dean's.
"I forgive you. I forgave you right away."
 
Dean closed the distance between them. His hand roamed under Sam's shirt, over
his chest. He lightly pushed him back on the bed, and climbed up his body. He
placed Sam's scarred arm above his head, and leaned up to kiss at the wounds.
"I'm so sorry."
 
He brought his head down, resting his forehead against Sam's. Sam slowly pushed
his body up into Dean. Nudging his head down, Sam kissed him deep, but gently.
Sam felt Dean relax a little. Dean broke the kiss, looking into Sam's eyes. "I
was supposed to protect you." He looked back at the cuts on Sam's arm.
 
He looked pained, as if he made the cuts himself. "Please don't do this
anymore. I'll fix it. I swear Sammy, it'll be different." Sam nodded, and
reclaimed Dean's mouth. Sam didn't know if he could believe Dean. It would take
time to mend their relationship.
 
Dean sat up, urging Sam to do the same. When he did, Dean lifted his shirt over
his head. He threw it aside, and let his hands travel all over Sam's torso. He
pushed him back down. "Lift your hips." Sam did, and Dean removed his pants and
boxers.
 
Dean bent down to kiss and nibble at Sam's neck. "You still want me Sammy?" Sam
was gripping Dean's sides, pulling him closer. "Yes. Please." Dean needed this.
He didn't feel guilt or fear this time. He gripped Sam's cock in his hand, and
started slowly stroking. Sam let out breathless pants and moans.
 
"Come on Dean." Dean smirked down at his brother. He sat up and got rid of his
shirt. He bent down to kiss Sam again. They were both painfully hard. Dean
couldn't resist grinding up against his brother. He was becoming breathless as
well. Overwhelmed by the touch, smell, and taste of his Sammy.
 
Sam was un doing his jeans. His hands were shaking along with the rest of his
body. He finally got them undone, and Dean pushed them down enough to expose
himself. "Hold on Sammy." Dean reached over to a drawer in the middle of their
beds, and grabbed out a bottle of lube.
 
"Gotta get you ready first. Don't wanna tear you apart." Dean's voice was raw
and shaky. He didn't know how much longer he could control himself, when all he
wanted to do was pounce on his brother. He applied lube to his index finger,
and slowly pushed it into Sam. Sam tensed naturally, but didn't sound like it
was painful.
 
Dean kept penetrating Sam, slowly. He added lube to a second finger, and bent
down to take Sam's cock in his mouth for distraction. He added the second
finger, but Sam was so far gone in the sensation of Dean's mouth to notice the
pain. He moved slowly, scissoring Sam open. Sam was gripping the sheets in both
fists, almost tearing the material.
 
Dean pulled off Sam's cock, and crawled up his body. "Ready Sammy?" Sam nodded
erratically. Dean placed his hand around the back of Sam's neck, gaining
leverage, tangling his fingers in Sam's hair. He lined himself up, and slowly
pushed into Sam. He felt Sam's whole body shake and tense. His hands that had
recently loosened, tightened back up in the sheets.
 
"You okay baby? Want me to stop?" Sam thought about saying yes for a minute,
but he wanted this too bad. He needed this, and Dean's use of the word 'baby'
made him go warm all over. "No, I'm okay." Dean pushed all the way in, and
stilled. He kissed Sam again, sucking his bottom lip between his teeth as he
pulled out and pushed in a little faster.
 
Dean was trying so hard to be gentle. It was just so good. "So tight Sammy."
Sam was pushing down, pulling Dean closer to get him deeper. Dean pushed in
fast and hard, going as deep as he could, hitting Sam's sweet spot at the same
time. Sam shook underneath him.
 
"Like that Sammy?" Dean continued to hit that spot over and over. Getting the
most rewarding noises from Sam. Keep it up, I love the noises you make." Sam
barely knew where he was, he was so far gone. Dean grabbed Sam's cock and
started stroking in rhythm with his thrusts.
 
Dean was getting close. "Come with me Sammy." Dean bent down to bite on Sam's
neck, sucking and leaving dark red bruises. "Come on baby, come on." Dean was
as far gone as Sam, only focused on his hard thrusts, and his chanting to Sam.
They both stilled and the same time, coming together. Dean continued to stroke
Sam through his climax.
 
When they both came down, and could breathe normally Dean looked up to kiss
Sam's nose. Sam's eyes were half open, staring at Dean. Sam wanted to tell Dean
how much he loved him, but didn't need to scare him away again. He got a hurt
look on his face. Dean's features softened. "What's wrong?"
 
"Nothing, I just.. That was great."
 
"It's okay Sammy. I love you too. More than anything." Sam smiled at Dean. Dean
loved seeing that. Loved seeing Sam truly happy. "I love you Dean."
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