Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/300827.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      Eridan_Ampora/Equius_Zahhak, Equius_Zahhak_&_Nepeta_Leijon
  Character:
      Eridan_Ampora, Equius_Zahhak
  Additional Tags:
      Bad_Sex, Alternate_Timeline, intercourse, Forevver_Alone, The_Veil
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-12-23 Words: 2392
****** Loaded Chamber ******
by FailureArtist
Summary
     Eridan finds out that just because you can get someone doesn't mean
     you should.
Among trolls there is a simple but fascinating game called Cyberian Spinning
Death. It takes only a revolver and a single bullet (thought battle dice can
also be used). You put the bullet in a chamber, spin the cylinder, point the
gun at your head (or at the head of your commanding officer), and pull the
trigger.  The player of this game puts his life in the hands of fate. That was
Eridan’s strategy in love. He would take aim at everyone he knew and eventually
he’d managed to hit someone.
 
Sure, it hadn’t actually worked for him yet. He’d asked Feferi out in the wrong
quadrant, Vriska had been the one to court him before she grew bored, Nepeta
flat-out rejected him, and nobody in the block would auspictize him and Sollux.
Still, even though he had exhausted his session’s patience there were still the
other session.
 
He’d just had a blast of luck from the Seer of Light when there was another
explosion behind him. He turned around to see a black smear where Aradia used
to be. Sollux had taken off his stupid glasses and was crying like a wriggler.
Equius had fallen on his knees and had robot parts in his arms like he thought
he could just put her back together. Everyone who’d previously been watching
Eridan turned to this new event. Gamzee honked a second time, Feferi was
glubbing uncontrollable, and Nepeta was mewling under her breath. Suddenly,
Equius stood up, dumped the robot parts on the floor, and stomped onto the pad,
and disappeared. Nepeta looked at him go and started to follow when she
stopped, and apparently changing her mind, decided to go back to sleep for some
strange reason.
 
Eridan decided now that Equius had lost his matesprit it was his chance to
scoop him up. Equius was on the rebound, and if he knew anything about being on
the rebound it made you feel a desperate need to never be lonely again. Equius
had to fall into the pitying arms of a troll much better than his rustblood
robot.
 
Eridan quickly rushed to the transportalizer and managed to catch Equius before
he went to his area. Equius turned at the sound of his footsteps. His stance
was so aggressive toward his superior it made Eridan feel a little angry,
though even he would never dare be waxen for the super-strong troll. 
 
“What is it, purpleblood,” Equius asked flatly.
 
Eridan answered, “W-well, I thought now that you don’t hawe a matesprit you
might w-want someone by your side to pity you.”
 
“I have a moirail already.”
 
He smirked a little. “I talkin’ about red, not pale.”
 
Equius reared his head. “That would be most improper! I am still in mourning
for her.”
 
“How-w about w-when you get ower it?”
 
Equius turned around. “I could never be with you. The seadwellers can never be
with the landdwellers.”
 
That sounded like fucking bullshit even to the racist Eridan, but it gave him
an idea.
 
“I order ya to!”
 
Equius turned back around.
 
“Pardon?”
 
Eridan pointed at himself. “As your superior I order ya to be flushed for me!”
 
He suddenly cringed, waiting for a beating, when Equius’ stance changed. He
stepped backwards, bowed a little to hide his height, and held his hands to his
front. Eridan noted this was clearly a submissive pose.
 
Equius said, “My prince, I am eX-tremly flushed for you.”
 
Eridan’s jaw almost dropped. His plan had worked! If he had known he could have
done it a long time ago, but it was serendipitous he had made this discovery
after his rival exploded. Perhaps this was his power as the Prince of Hope. He
had kept hope alive and this was his reward!
 
“I hawe a matesprit! I finally hawe an fuckin’ matesprit!”
 
He started pumping his fists and actually started dancing a little. His eyes
widen as a new thought came to him.
 
“I w-won’t be a wirgin anymore.”
 
Equius asked, “Won’t be a virgin?”
 
Eridan turned back to look at Equius. “Yah, w-we could hawe sex and I’d lose my
wirginity! My red wirginity!”
 
“Right now?”
 
“W-why not right now-w? W-we hawe to liwe in the moment! Our liwes are in
danger! Do you w-want to die a wirgin?” He looked at Equius’ face and had
disturbing thoughts about the Aradiabot. “Do you w-want to die before
consummatin’ our lowe?”
 
Equius nodded his head. “EX-cellent reasoning, matesprit. We should gallop
onward to the neXt step of our relationship.”
 
“Yes, w-we shall sw-wim on!” Eridan declared as he threw off his cape.
 
Equius pointed to his pad. “My area would be best for our consummation. I have
equipment already there.”
 
Eridan barreled past Equius and stepped on the sagittarius pad. Equius soon
followed. With Eridan behind him, he walked down a hallway to a terminal. He
typed something into the keyboard and a door opened from nowhere. They entered
the block.
 
In the middle of the bit-too-large block was a piece of metal furniture that
looked like an examining table. There were stirrups by the feet, cuffs by the
head, and the table was propped up into a sitting position. Eridan looked over
at it and almost touched the cold metal. There was a filial pail embedded where
the crotch was, so it probably wasn’t just for medical purposes. He wondered
why Equius had something like this and more importantly why the hell he brought
it to the Veil.
 
 “This is so my STRENGTH won’t hurt you,” Equius explained.
 
Eridan cringed. Having sex with the super-strong troll would be very dangerous.
He hoped the metal would hold him back.
 
Equius started undressing. He slipped off his cleats, pulled his now totally
wet matebeater over his head, and undid the snaps on his also wet shorts, and
took those off. He stood before Eridan in only stockings and a jock strap.
Eridan looked the muscular troll over. He knew he should have been turned on by
his perfect body, but he just felt a bit grossed out. He just looked bulky and
awkward and too veiny. Eridan realized that his physical ideal for males was
graceful slenderness, perhaps even a little skinniness. Well, maybe even that
could be fixed with a no-milk diet.
 
Eridan realized that he should get undressed too and started to do that. He
took off his shoes and socks and pants but when he got to his upper body he
stopped. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of his chest. He’d gotten a lot of
exercise during the game and he didn’t even need his corset anymore. It was his
neck that worried him. He’d hide his deformed neck gills from everyone, even
Feferi, and he was afraid to show the landdweller he was a poor specimen for
his race. So he took off his scarf but left on his turtleneck. Equius could
find out later.
 
Eridan looked at his silk nautical-themed boxers and at Equius’ jockstrap. They
looked at each other and there was an unspoken agreement they should take them
off at the same time. Eridan dropped his boxer and looked over to see Equius’
bone bulge. It was as huge as he’d expected from the ponyboy and then some.
Eridan suppressed his surprise. He didn’t want Equius to think he was that
impressed. It wasn’t like his bone bulge was that bad. Vriska never said
anything bad about it, and she could see through clothes. And his was a little
hard just from the excitement of getting laid, while Equius was totally
flaccid.
 
Equius put a towel on the table, sat down on it, and put his legs in the
stirrups. He put his hands in the cuffs, pressed a button near his right hand
and restraints came to lock his hands and feet. He looked at Eridan, his eyes
still shaded but he definitely was waiting for something. Eridan slowly walked
up to him, step by step. He looked at his new matesprit, strapped to a strange
table and ready for sex, and it suddenly dawned on him that he really really
didn’t want to have sex with this troll. He wasn’t attracted to him and he
didn’t even love him. He just wanted to leave him and his creepy bondage device
alone. But Eridan wasn’t one to back down on something just because it was a
horrible mistake. He was going to lose his virginity to him.
 
He put his hand on Equius’ thigh. Equius was still flaccid but his spread-open
nook was so lubricated his thighs were wet with that and sweat. Eridan took off
his rings and put a finger in there and quickly took it out. A bead dripped
down from the finger. He stroked his own bone bulge, not looking at Equius but
at it. It wasn’t bad. It could certainly grow, though it wasn’t growing now. He
pressed his body against Equius’. The nice thing about the filthy peasantbloods
were they could be quite warm, which was a good thing since the block was a bit
chilly. Eridan took his hands and stroked his and Equius’ bone bulge together.
Equius immediately started growling with pleasure. The poor guy probably
couldn’t touch himself without bruising, Eridan thought. Eridan stared at the
growing bone bulge. He wondered how it would feel to have it in your nook and
the thought gave him more pleasure than he was willing to admit. Equius was
soon rock-hard though it stayed the same length. A shower not a grower, Eridan
thought smugly.
 
Eridan pulled back and looked at himself. He wasn’t very hard. He looked at
Equius’ nook and knew he expected something other than frottage. He was dying
for Eridan’s wand. The blueblood was so damn submissive he sweatly submitted to
a lowblood midget. It was natural for him to bottom for his superior. Eridan
always figured he would do the same if he’d ever managed to get Feferi. His
fantasies about that wonderful event were hampered by his courtly feelings for
the princess and for some reason they turned to her Ancestor and her rumored
tentacles and things got weird from there. He closed his eyes and thought
unpatriotic thoughts about the Empress as he rapidly stroked himself to full
length.
 
He pulled himself up again onto Equius and kissed him again. The kiss was like
an empty beaker, no chemistry. Cursing the limitations of science Eridan went
back down. He decided to take the plunge. He slide his hard-enough bone bulge
into his more-than-wet-enough nook. It was much easier penetrating him than it
should have been for a male virgin nook (was he really a virgin?). He stood
still for a moment, just taking in the feeling of being enveloped by flesh.
Wasn’t it suppose to feel great being inside your lover?  But while it felt
nice and warm like it should but it felt gross like it shouldn’t.
 
Eridan started thrusting into Equius, trying to get back some of the hardness
he lost. Equius’s nook responded by clenching down and Eridan was relieved to
find it wasn’t as vice-like as he feared. His gripping could have been stronger
though. Equius’ nook was as big as his other set of genitals. Fucking him was
like watching oblong meat products tumble where they didn’t belong. Between his
legs was the Land of Caves and Silence. Eridan was the Heir to this Void.
 
Equius seemed to feel it. He was panting and grunting and even whinnying a
little. Eridan wished he would remain quiet. Eridan wanted to pretend he wasn’t
in the block and that he was with someone else. He concentrated on a genocidal
wizard he liked before his thoughts turned to the girl he was truly flushed
for: Feferi Peixes. He imagined Feferi’s thighs were around his bone bulge, her
long feet on his shoulders, stroking his face fins and glubbing about something
sweet and silly and overly-pale. Even with this beautiful fantasy he was having
difficulty keeping this up. The reality of the situation kept coming up. All he
could smell was Equius and all he could hear was Equius.
 
Eridan banged harder and wildly. He thrust upwards into a nice fleshy part deep
into that empty nook. Every once in a while he pulled out to stroke himself
back to full mast. He started crying, actually crying, from frustration and
shame. He pulled off his glasses and wiped his eyes with his wet sleeve but the
tears kept coming. He needed to just make Equius come but it felt like it was
taken hours. He started rubbing the head of Equius’ bone bulge to make it go
faster.
 
Eventually, Eridan felt Equius’ nook pulse rapidly. With a mighty roar his nook
started oozing genetic material. Eridan pulled out quickly and went to finish
himself off. After half a minute his purple seed joined the blue. He stumbled
backwards and stared at the ceiling. It was over.
 
He turned around and walked back to his clothes. He mechanically put them back
on. Equius pushed the button and was released from his bonds. He took out a
towel and started wiping himself. When Eridan had put on everything except his
shoe, scarf, and glasses he slowly turned around and looked through Equius.
 
“I’m shorey, I need to be abalone,” he punned flatly.
 
Eridan shuffled away without his missing items. Previously he had planned on
maybe seeing if he could auspictize between the Witch and the Fake Witch as a
fall-back romance but now all he wanted to do was find a shower and sit in it
until the Demon came.
 
Equius gave a long sigh. The sex had been excruciating. There was no foreplay,
his bone bulge was too small, and he had even sobbed without shame. He lifted
his eyes in prayer to Aradia. He asked her forgiveness for his infidelity and
thanked her for helping him through it. It was only by imagining her athletic
body he’d been able to keep himself aroused. It seemed Eridan had bought his
over-the-top reaction and didn’t notice how thin his genetic material was. It
would all be worth it if the lecherous seatroll, finally satiated, stayed away
from his beloved moirail.
 
To think the purpleblood actually thought you could order someone to love you!
Love was too important for that.
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!