Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12571132.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Muse_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Matt_Bellamy/Dom_Howard, Matt_Bellamy/Gaia_Polloni
  Character:
      Matt_Bellamy, Dom_Howard, Chris_Wolstenholme, Sari_Bellamy, OC_-
      Character, Morgan_Nicholls, Gaia_Polloni
  Additional Tags:
      Single_Father, Past_Rape/Non-con, Court_Case, Prison, Plaintiffs,
      Aftermath_of_Torture, Aftermath_of_Violence, Implied/Referenced_Child
      Abuse, AU, Pedophilia
  Series:
      Part 3 of Don't_You_Worry,_Child
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-10-31 Updated: 2018-01-04 Chapters: 15/? Words: 16962
****** Living ******
by elladifi
Summary
     Both of them have been found. Now, the process of justice is the only
     thing holding them back from the perfect future.
***** Chapter 1.1: In Which Matthew Is Called In, Immediately *****
It took a month for the police to find Gaia.
Matthew was the first one to suggest that she had gone back to Italy—he
expected that she thought she’d be safe there. Sure enough, they found her in a
local Italian prison with three disorderly conduct charges to her name, and
took her back to England.
The news came to Matthew in the form of Dominic running into his house,
unannounced, two days before Christmas, and flinging himself into his
boyfriend’s arms.
“They found her,” he whispered, out of breath from having run from the police
station to Matthew’s house. “They found her. She’s at the station right now.”
Those words, those simple words had the power to take Matthew’s breath away,
and he could feel his heartbeat getting faster and faster with every passing
moment in Dominic’s arms. His legs became weaker and weaker, until they both
collapsed on the floor, holding each other with enough force to break the
other. Total disbelief played a role in Matthew’s reaction—he had half
expected, after the first week, that they’d never find her.
He’d never been so wrong.
As he let Dominic hold him, he wept, hot and fat tears streaking his cheeks.
“Fuck,” Matthew kept whimpering into Dominic’s shirt. “Fuck, Dom, Dom, I
can’t—I can’t….”
“Do you want to go see her?” the older asked quietly. “She… she’ll be behind
bars. In a jumpsuit. The… the police also want you to talk to them. C-Cross
referencing.”
Matthew shivered. Nevertheless, he nodded.
“Y-Yeah.”
But they made no effort to get up. Matthew’s hands clasped onto the thin fabric
of Dominic’s button-up, and the taller man held him in a desperate attempt to
comfort him. He allowed his fingers to weave through the thick strands atop
Matthew’s head, and he whispered to him, over and over, “It’s going to be okay,
darling, you’re going to be okay.”
Matthew leaned further into Dominic’s chest, cherishing the warmth around him.
He was safe in his lover’s arms, finally, with his abuser behind bars after
nine long years. He was safe, on the floor of his own house, with his daughter
out at school, playing with friends, finally experiencing the joy of a true
childhood. “I love you,” Matthew whispered. “I love you so much.”
“Da jal-del-ggeo-ya,” Dominic caught himself murmuring into Matthew’s hair. He
only realized when red-lidded oceans met his gaze, confusion gracing the sharp
lines of the other's face. “Everything will be okay,” he explained quietly.
“It’s going to be okay, love. Da jal-del-ggeo-ya.”
Matthew nodded. “D-Da ja-de-goya,” he tried, and Dominic giggled at the
attempt.
“Da jal-del-ggeo-ya,” he repeated, the words rolling off his tongue as fluently
as English ones would.
“Dal ja-de-co-ya.”
Dominic smiled widely. “Beautiful.”
Matthew’s next words were shaky. “Are… is it really gonna be okay?”
“Yes,” Dominic assured him. “We’re going to get her, love. I promise. We’re
going to get her to serve the time that she deserves. And… if we can’t, I
promise you, we’re going to get her as far away from you as possible. I promise
that she won’t hurt you again.”
“I… really?”
“Yes.”
Matthew leaned up, then, to press a soft kiss to Dominic’s lips. The older
reciprocated, his hands gently holding his boyfriend’s shoulders. “Thank you,”
Matthew whispered, the words floating onto Dominic’s lips on a cold breath.
“I love you,” replied Dominic. “We should go now, if we’re gonna go. The police
wanted an answer as soon as possible.”
Matthew nodded, and allowed Dominic to help him up. Sari was still at school,
her last day before winter break, and so they were free to go. Hand in hand,
they headed towards the main street, where they hailed a cab and promptly made
their way to the station. The drive was eerily quiet, but not uncomfortable—the
two sat, tangled next to each other, but silent. A few odd looks from the
cabbie and about a mile later, they stood outside the police station.
Dominic didn't fail to notice that his lover's breaths had become hitched as
they stood outside. "Do you want a minute?" he asked, and Matthew nodded,
focusing on his breaths. He didn't want to get nervous, especially since they
were so close to the trial. She's locked up in a cell, now, he had to remind
himself. You're safe. Sari's safe.
As if on cue, Dominic pulled Matthew close to his chest. The smaller man could
feel Dominic’s heart beating, and he pushed himself closer. Soft breaths
ruffled his hair, and he closed his eyes, taking a minute to relax himself in
his lover’s arms.
“I love you,” came the words, pushing their way through Matthew’s hair and into
his ears.
“I love you too.”
People passed around them as if they were a rock in a river, but they took no
notice, and held tighter onto each other. They shared warmth, they shared a
single pounding heartbeat in that exact moment, and hands grasped onto shirts
as they waited.
Matthew was ready. He pulled away, standing only just on tiptoe so that he
could press a kiss to the very corner of Dominic’s mouth. “Ready?” he asked,
and the blond noticed that his voice was shaky. He said nothing, though, as he
nodded, and they linked a few fingers together as they walked into the station.
Silence rang in the air, being the middle of the day on a Thursday, and their
footsteps echoed on hold linoleum tile as they walked through the lobby. When
they reached the front desk, Matthew's hands trembling ever so slightly, they
were met with the bright face of a young blonde. "Good afternoon, how are you
two today?" she asked, her lips curving upwards to reveal pristine white teeth.
"Good," Dominic replied, trying but failing to return the grin. "We got called
in?"
She shuffled through a few papers on her desk, scanning through it carefully.
"Mr. Matthew James Bellamy?"
"That's me," Matthew replied, his voice cracking a bit.
"Great, if you'd come with me." She stood, but frowned when she saw their
linked hands. "I'm afraid only Mr. Bellamy can come."
It was Dominic's turn to frown. "What do you mean?"
"He's going to be interviewed, correct?"
"Yes, but—"
"I'm not sure we can accommodate you."
Dominic didn't let go of Matthew's hand, though. "I want to go with him. He's
nervous."
"As is everyone who goes through this process, but we can ensure his safety."
"He did nothing wrong, don't treat him like a criminal. Let me come with him."
Just as she started to say something, Matthew interjected, "Can I speak with my
lawyer?"
The two blonds shared a look, before turning to Matthew. "Of course, love,"
Dominic whispered, pulling out his phone and dialing Stacey's number. Within
the second ring, she answered, and Dominic handed Matthew the phone.
"Stacey?" he asked, his voice small. "I... I'm at the station now. They want to
bring me in for questioning, and I don't know if... if she's going to be there.
They won't let Dom in. What do I—What do I do?"
He was silent for a few seconds, then he handed the phone to the receptionist.
"Hello?" she said, putting it up to her ear. "...No, ma'am. I.... Of course."
She hung up, and Dominic took the phone back. "Well?"
"Your lawyer is on her way, Mr. Bellamy. Until then, the two of you can sit in
those chairs over there."
And so they did. They waited.
***** Chapter 1.2: In Which Matthew Begins His Tale *****
Chapter Summary
     It's a long one, and he's willing to give it a try.
Chapter Notes
     So, as you can see, the chapters are considerably longer in this
     story.
     Featuring bullshit law.
Stacey came not ten minutes after, donned in a black suit jacket with a white
shirt. "Matt," she said when she walked in, and the couple stood to greet her.
Dark circles could be seen under a somewhat cakey layer of foundation. Clearly,
she'd rushed in. "Let me handle this. These people don't understand your
circumstances, and I'll make sure that the two of you can stay together. Sit
tight for a moment."
She headed to the receptionist's desk, where the two women promptly started
having a whispered conversation. Cautiously, Dominic took Matthew's hand in his
own, stroking the back of it with his thumb. "Hey," he whispered, and blue
irises turned up to gaze at him. He, too, had dark circles under his eyes.
"Yeah?"
"You're going to be okay. I promise. They finally found her, and she's gonna
get put behind bars any day now. Hell, she's already behind bars."
Matthew smiled, but only just. He looked back down at their joined hands, both
of them cold as the winter air outside.
"Thank you," he muttered.
Stacey turned back around, a smile on her face. "Come on, you two. We're in
Room A. Dom, I'm really sorry, but you're going to have to sit in an adjoined
room. They refuse to let you in, but you can still watch, okay?" Noticing the
fear on Dominic's face, she added, "I'll take care of him. I've dealt with
situations like this before."
They followed her down to the room, all of their shoes clacking on the tile.
The entire station seemed cold and harsh, generally unwelcoming.
Stacey guided Dominic to what looked like a closet, and he walked in. Along one
wall was a window, looking into a grey room with just a table and three chairs.
A device sat atop the table, a large black box with a few colored buttons on
the side. A microphone was attached to it, leading Dominic to believe that it
would record what Matthew was saying. The room on the other side of the window
was brightly lit by fluorescent bulbs that covered the ceiling like a blanket.
However, the room that Dominic stood in was darker, lit by a single bulb with a
string to turn it on and off.
It wasn’t homey, but it wasn’t intimidating.
Matthew and Stacey walked into the adjacent room, just then, followed by two
men in suits. Even through the glass, Dominic could feel Matthew’s anxiety, and
he desperately wanted to jump through and hold him.
In the other room, Matthew wanted to do the same. Even with Stacey right next
to him, ready to jump out to help him at any moment, he was frightened. Even
with Dominic in the next room, behind the massive glass mirror on the left
wall, he was frightened. Even with the police on his side and even with Gaia in
a cell down the hall, he was still frightened.
He wanted Dominic to tell him everything would be okay. Instead, he was told to
sit in a creaky, foldable chair, and wait for them to turn on all the
equipment. In the meantime, Stacey leaned over to whisper instructions in his
ear.
“They’re here to help you,” she explained. “Tell them everything, and tell them
the truth. If it gets too much, don’t reply, and I’ll help you out, okay?”
Matthew nodded.
The machine on the table whirred to life, and the detectives settled themselves
down at the chairs across from him.
“My name is Detective Inspector Rowe,” a taller bald man on the right
introduced, extending his hand for Matthew to shake. “I’m going to be leading
this interview, alright? Here next to me is Lieutenant Costey, who’s here just
in case.”
The tall brunet with glasses sitting next to the DI nodded.
“Please note, Mr. Bellamy, that the only reason we are using this room is for
the recording device. You are not under interrogation, we are simply
interviewing you. Do you understand?”
Matthew nodded, but, remembering that the interview was only being audio taped,
he replied, “Yes.”
“And you understand that I’m going to be asking you very personal questions?
Are you okay with this?”
“Yes.”
“Good,” Rowe replied, shuffling a few papers that he had laid on the desk
before. “Now, Mr. Bellamy—”
“Matt. Call me Matt.”
“Okay, Matt. I’m going to ask you to tell me first about Ms. Polloni. Describe
how you met, if you can. Tell me about what happened with her.”
Matthew swallowed. “I….”
“It’s okay. Don’t worry. You aren’t in trouble at all.”
Matthew took a breath. “I was twelve when I first saw her. I was walking to
school, and she was standing on this street corner kind of close to my house,
but not that close. For a few days, I hardly noticed that she was there. But… a
few days later, she asked if I needed help getting to school. I said, ‘No,
Miss, I’m fine,’ but she… she insisted. And she’d just walk me there, right
next to me, not even saying goodbye when I went in the school.
“Then she talked, and on the way home, she’d ask me how school was. I’d say
that it was fine, and she’d ask about my friends, my grades, my schoolwork,
everything. I remember how she felt like a second mum to me. My… my mum drank a
lot, I remember, and she never paid much attention to me, so I really liked
having this woman who cared, y’know?”
The DI nodded solemnly.
“And… okay, one day, after school—I can’t really, er, I can’t really remember
if we were going to or from—she took my hand and pulled me behind a bush. And
she said something like, ‘Do you want me to show you something?’ And I was a
bloody curious kid, so I said—fuck, I said yes. And she kissed me. It wasn’t,
like, too bad, but it was… disturbing. I asked her why she did it, and she
said, ‘Matty, I love you with all my heart.’ And—And that was something I’d
never hear from my mum, so I… I liked it. And I didn’t think there was anything
wrong with that.
“But I knew that something was wrong. I remembered that only Mum and Dad would
kiss when they were married, so I—I just thought it was something old people
did. I tried to walk away, but she grabbed onto my arm and kissed me again, and
again, and again.” Matthew laughed softly, tears starting to stream down his
cheeks. “Sorry, I don’t—I don’t know why I’m crying. It’s just… embarrassing.
My lips were bruised for days after.
“It felt weird, each time she kissed me, but I really didn’t think anything of
it. And it just went on like that for a while, ‘til I turned thirteen.”
Matthew had stopped, so the DI eased him on with a gentle voice. “What happened
when you were thirteen, Matt?”
With a clear effort to keep his voice from cracking, Matthew whispered, “I want
Dom.”
***** Chapter 1.3: In Which Matthew Continues His Tale *****
Chapter Summary
     He gets more in-depth with his descriptions of what she did to him.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
It only took a rough thirty seconds for said blond to meekly open the door, a
chair in hand. “Hey,” Dominic whispered, and he headed into the room, shutting
the door behind him. With a scrape, he unfolded the chair and sat next to
Matthew. Fuck the officers, if they weren’t going to allow Dominic to comfort
Matthew. The brunet took his hand, his own shaking visibly, and he continued to
talk.
“A few days after my birthday, sometime in the summer, I went out to play in
the sidewalk, and she was there. She told me to come with her, and I fucking
did. We went… we went to her house, and she brought me to the bedroom, and laid
me out on the bed on my back. She took off all my clothes. I told her, ‘Ma’am,
this feels really weird,’ and she told me to stop complaining because she was
g-gonna make me feel good.
“How… how in depth do you want me to go?” Matthew asked then, and the DI smiled
gently.
“As much as you’re comfortable with.”
Matthew shivered, and Dominic put an arm around him. “I… She, y’know, touched
me. Down there. And I hadn’t—I hadn’t even touched myself like that, so it was…
it was really weird. It kind of, er, hurt, but I didn’t stop her because I
didn’t really know what she was doing. There was no p-proper penetration, then,
just… just her hand. At—When… y’know, when I… when I c-came, it… I was really
confused, and I asked her, ‘What’s… what’s all this white stuff on my belly?’
And she told me that it was just… stuff, special fluid that came out whenever
she made me happy. But I didn’t feel happy.
“But I was a child and I didn’t know better so I kept… I kept going back. She’d
get me off, and she’d kiss me, touch my hair, stuff like that. And it was
weird, but it felt good. And I was only thirteen.
“The… When we had p-proper sex, I was so scared. It was the first time I really
felt dirty. I… I was at her house, and I was wondering why she never took her
own clothes off, but only took off mine. So I asked her, and she told me it was
because I never asked. And of course I had to go and ask then, and she… I
fucking hated the way she looked. She was old, and it… it looked like seeing my
mum naked, it was just uncomfortable. That was the first time I told her to
stop.
“She didn’t, though. She… made me touch her, down there, and my hand came away
all sticky. But she didn’t give me… she didn’t give me any time to wipe it off
or anything, because she just went ahead and… and there was actual penetration.
It… god, I hate admitting it, but it felt so good, but so wrong at the same
time. It hurt, too, because she had her hands on my shoulders and she was
pressing me down a lot. It was really, really weird. And I… I orgasmed twice,
that night. On my stomach both times.
“We fell asleep there. And then it repeated. It wasn’t just hand stuff anymore,
it was… it was full on sex with this old woman who I hardly even knew. I
think—I think what kept her going was that I told her how good it felt. I told
her to stop, too, but she only listened to me when I told her that I liked how
it felt. But I was a kid. I was just a kid, I was j-just a kid, I… I….”
He fell into Dominic’s embrace, shivering with the effort of recounting the
night, and the older held him tightly. “You’re okay now, Matt, breathe,” he
whispered, and, after a few silent minutes, Matthew sat back up.
“She’d… she started to punish me for not listening to her. She’d tell me to
come to her house after school, but sometimes I didn’t listen. I remember the
first time I didn’t, she got really mad. It was… so scary. It was like she was
a whole different person, nothing like the woman who was so charismatic and who
convinced me to let her take my virginity. Her face got all red, her eyes
looked like they were going to pop out of her face. I… I hate that look.
“The first time, she dragged me to her house and… she took off my trousers and
pants and put me over her knee. I don’t know what it was that she used, but it
was something hard. She… she spanked me, and it was so degrading, just—just
straight over-the-knee spanking. It was fucking horrifying, though, when she…
she bought the flogger.
“I was fourteen or fifteen, when she bought it. It was this mean black thing,
with twelve braided tails, and the ends were all flayed. And at that point,
she’d just hit me freely. Any time that I did something, anything wrong, she’d
tell me to take off my shirt, and she’d… she’d whip me with it, on my back, on
my front, on… on my arse or on my legs or arms. Anywhere she could get, really.
“She’d bring other men in, too, sometimes. They’d fuck her then leave. I think…
I think she just brought them in and made a show of it to show me that I wasn’t
good enough for her.
“When I turned fifteen, I properly moved in with her. Not legally, though—I
still legally lived with my mum, but I… I left. I stayed at her house. I’d
basically become her slave at that point, cleaning and cooking for her and… and
giving her sexual favors whenever she wanted them. I’d stopped telling her to
stop at that point, because… because if I did, she’d whip me. At one point, she
upgraded the flogger to a proper bullwhip, some solid forty-pound leather
piece, and that’s what left the scars.
“It turned into a routine, like—I’d wake up before her and make her breakfast,
then she’d go off to work and I’d clean for her. She’d come home and I’d take
her shoes off, ask her how her day was, and then we’d eat dinner together.
After that, she’d whip me. And then fuck me.” Matthew’s voice had gotten
stronger as he progressed, but his grip on Dominic’s hand also grew stronger.
“I was sixteen when Gaia told me she was pregnant. For some reason, I wanted to
keep the baby. It was… it was like a part of me, even though it was only just a
tiny thing. But she didn’t want to. That was the first big fight we ever had. I
told her, and she said that I’d have to do something for her. I told her
anything.
“I got a hundred lashes with the bullwhip on my back. It stung so bad, like
there were a hundred matches on my back for hours, it made me cry, and I think
I actually pissed myself at one point. But I couldn’t scream, or she was going
to get an abortion and that would be that. I won that argument, and, nine
months later, I was seventeen and coming home with a baby girl. Her name’s
Sarina Rose Bellamy, and she’s… she was what got me through the last five
years.
“Everything I did from then on was for her. I loved her so much, my little
angel, and I’d… I’d done so much to make sure that she never got hurt. At one
point, Gaia m-made me cut off my own nipple, but I only did so because
otherwise she was going to… she was going to cut off Sari’s. She used Sari as a
way to make me feel guilty and make me do more for her, and… it got bad. At the
end, especially, she branded my thigh, she waterboarded me, and she glued my
eyes shut during the last months.
“But it’s okay, because Sari was safe. The final night, the night we got out,
she came home early, and tied me up. It was tight enough that she dislocated my
hip, and she took a knife and drew out along my stomach and chest.
That’s—That’s how I got most of the scars on my front. But she passed out,
eventually, and it took me a couple hours to wriggle free but eventually I did.
I got Sari and grabbed her key and was out the door.
“We went to my friend Chris’s house, and he brought me to the hospital. I got
treated, I stayed there for a few days, and then I was out. And… that was that.
We didn’t hear of or see her until… until she came to my house a while after.”
Matthew let out a breath, then, and released Dominic’s hand, moving it to rest
on his boyfriend’s thigh.
“Yeah,” he repeated. “That was that.”
Chapter End Notes
     Bleck. Sorry for the long update waits. I've only written a few
     chapters so far, so this might take a while.
***** Chapter 1.4: In Which Matthew Leaves And Goes To Eat *****
Chapter Summary
     Yeah, everything's gone fine. They need a break.
“So,” the DI asked, and Matthew turned to look at him. “Can you clear up the
timeline a bit? How old were you when each major event happened?”
Matthew swallowed. “I was… I was twelve when she first kissed me, thirteen when
we had sex, fifteen when I moved in with her, seventeen when our child was
born, and twenty-two when I escaped. We have a thirty-ish year age gap, so…
she’s fifty-one or fifty-two now.”
“Okay. You said that the first time you were raped, you felt dirty. Can you
explain this a bit more?”
“I… I just felt dirty. Like I was infected with some sort of disease that I
needed to but couldn’t wash off. It made me feel gross and… and used.”
“Tell me more about the injuries you received by her hand.”
Another swallow that seemed to echo through the room. “She… I’ve got a few
hundred cuts on my torso, and those go down to the tops of my thighs to my
shoulders.” Matthew took a breath, then stood and removed his shirt in one
fluid motion. “Here,” he explained as he pointed to the dark gash on his side,
“this one is probably the worst. It’s a really deep cut that goes from my
hipbone up to my armpit. I’m also missing a nipple, my left one, and I’ve got a
few scars on my scalp that are sort of covered by my hair now. There’s a brand
on my hip, as well.” He put his shirt on again, and sat back down. “I also
dislocated my left hip because of her, I had… I had four anal fissures, a
cracked rib, and hundreds of bruises over time. She’s glued my eyes and mouth
shut before.”
The DI nodded understandingly. “You said you became her slave. Can you tell me
more about that?”
“Well, I… I had to clean her house within an inch of its life, and I had to
cook all her meals and get her clothes ready. If I didn’t, she’d… punish me.
Usually it was whipping, sometimes it was just flogging, sometimes it was
something worse like knives or fire. And she… she’d make sure that we had sex
every night.”
“What do you mean, ‘had sex’?”
“I, er, I mean rape. I mean, I don’t like the word, it… I don’t know, it makes
me upset, so I usually just say that we… we had sex. But that’s what I mean. I
never consented to us having sex, I just… had to deal with it, or I’d get more
hurt than I was. After Sari, it was worse, because I was scared that she would
hurt her.”
“What did Ms. Polloni ever do to Sari?”
“Nothing! I… I made sure that she never did anything to her. I kept her in her
room most of the time, so that she was away from me when anything happened.
Gaia didn’t like seeing Sari, either. It made her angry, so I figured it was
best to keep her away. I just wanted her to be safe, and she never saw anything
nor did anything ever happen to her. Until… until the kidnapping. But that’s
different.”
Another nod. “Matt, you’ve done wonderfully. Thank you for answering my
questions. I might ask you back on another date, but until then, you’re free to
go, okay?”
Matthew nodded. “Thank you.”
While the two men turned off the recorder, Dominic helped Matthew up, and they,
along with Stacey, headed out of the room and the station. They didn’t speak as
they parted way, the lawyer simply giving the two of them hugs before she
headed the other way down the street. Dominic, however, led Matthew to a
Japanese restaurant for a late lunch. As they sat and Dominic spoke to the
waitress in Japanese, Matthew started to shift uncomfortably.
“What’s wrong, love?” Dominic asked, and Matthew shrugged in response.
“I feel nervous. Like it’s all gonna go wrong.”
“Nonsense,” Dominic assured him, taking his hands from across the table.
“You’ve got nothing to worry about, okay? She’ll get prison time, I promise
you. Even if not for everything, they can’t ignore the stuff you told them.”
Matthew nodded.
“How about we change the topic, huh?” Dominic asked, looking down at the menu.
“I wanna know how you know all these languages,” inquired Matthew with an
eyebrow raised. “Do you just have a lot of time?”
Dominic laughed heartily. “No, no, I learned a lot when I was little. My dad
would leave me with nannies and stuff, and so they’d teach me their languages.
I found that it’s something I really enjoy and I’m pretty good at, so I’ve kept
at it for a while.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It’s a lot like music, in that you’ve gotta know the basics of each
before you can fluently speak them. I love it, probably as much as you love
piano.”
“Can you… Can you teach me how to say ‘I love you’ in all different languages
someday?”
Dominic nodded. “Of course.”
The waiter came with their drinks, and they ordered. Dominic thanked the
waitress with a bow of his head and a few words in Japanese, and then resumed
the conversation. “Matt, I’m really proud of you,” he said, taking a small sip
of his sake. “I really am. You kept your composure really well, and you managed
to get to the end. You did such a good job, darling.”
Matthew’s face tinted a bit pink. “I… I love you, Dom. It’s gonna—It’s gonna be
hard, to get through all of this questioning and the trial, but I think—I think
I can do it.”
“You can. And I love you too. Te amo.”
“Spanish?” Matthew asked, and when Dominic nodded, he clapped quietly and
laughed, proud of his accomplishment. “Yeah!”
Dominic giggled along with him, and leaned in, taking Matthew’s face in one
hand. “Can I?” he asked, and he got a tiny nod in response. He brought them
together so he could press a soft kiss to his cheek.
“You’re so cute,” he whispered onto the skin there.
When he pulled away, Matthew’s face was bright red and the world’s most
adorable smile decorated it.
***** Chapter 2.1: In Which It's Nearly Christmas *****
Chapter Summary
     And there's quite a few discussions.
Their lunch came out pleasant, and they ended up ordering some ice cream, as
well, for desert. It was a quiet and colorful contrast to the hours before.
They then walked, hand in hand, to Sari’s school, where they were going to pick
her up from her last day of school for the winter. She came out, walking slowly
on her boots—the casts had come off—and her face brightened tenfold when she
saw Dominic and her father standing there together. “Daddy!” she called, and he
ran over to lift her into the air.
“Sari!” he laughed, pulling her into a hug. “You’re cold, baby.”
“I wanna say hi to Dom!”
Matthew put her down, and she hobbled over to Dominic, who gladly gave her a
soft hug. “Hey, baby,” he said. “How are you? How was school?”
“Good! I played with Rumi today during lunch, we played with the toy trucks.”
“Really?” Dominic asked, taking her backpack and slinging it over his own
shoulder. “Tell us, what’s your favorite truck?”
“The bulldozer. I love it, it’s bright yellow and it goes like this: brrr!” She
mimicked the noise of a bulldozer and put both her arms in front of her,
gripping a steering wheel only she could see. The two men laughed, Matthew
taking one of her hands and holding it in both his own.
“So, baby, you excited for Christmas?” Matthew asked, and she nodded gleefully.
Her face always seemed to get warmer whenever they talked about the holidays.
“I love Christmas. I can’t wait for Santa to come!”
“Well, Sari,” Matthew said quietly. “You know that Daddy can actually talk to
Santa, right?”
She nodded eagerly. “What’d you tell him, Daddy? What’d you tell him?”
He stopped, then, and knelt down to her height, looking her right in her wide,
blue eyes. “Daddy told Santa that you’ve been a good girl, and you’re gonna get
a lot of good stuff this year.”
Her gasp echoed through the streets, accompanied then by a shrill screech of
delight and a clamp around his neck. “Thank you, Daddy!” she giggled into his
ear, and he held her, lifting her so that he could carry her down the street.
“Aw, you’re welcome, love, and tell Dom thank you, too! He helped me get my
message to Santa.”
Dominic beamed as Sari thanked him, and he laughed lightly, a sound that
resonated in Matthew’s ears. “No problem.”
They reached Dominic’s house, and were greeted by the pleasant heat of its
interior as they walked through the doors. “Put a fire on, Mr. Dominic!” she
called as she headed to the kitchen to search for a snack. “Wait, woah, you
have Gushers? Can I have one, please?”
“Ask Daddy,” Dominic answered from the living room as he dumped a few logs into
the fireplace. “If Daddy says yes, go ahead.”
He heard her clunking into the bedroom, where Matthew was putting on his
pajamas, and the quiet voice of her asking if she could pretty please have some
Gushers, Daddy? When a delighted squeal followed, he couldn’t help the smile
spreading across his lips. “Sari, fire’s on,” he called, and she then proceeded
to clunk over to the living room and plop in front of it, watching the flames
dance as Dominic headed to the other room.
“Matt?” he asked, and the brunet poked his head out from the bedroom doorframe.
“You decent?”
“Yeah, come on in.”
Dominic walked in to see Matthew pulling a tee from one of his drawers,
unfolding it to look at the design. His flannel pants were low slung and a
trail of dark hair peeked out from the waistband. It was the first time,
though, that he noticed a tiny brown streak on his left hip, just barely
visible above the flannel. “Matt?” he asked, and the brunet stopped unfolding
the shirt and turned to look at him, eyebrows furrowed. “What’s that… that
mark? On your hip?”
Matthew looked down, then stiffened immediately. “I… Nothing, it’s nothing.”
“Is that the brand?”
He looked at the floor. Dominic’s heart sank to his feet, but that didn’t stop
him from asking, “Can I… can I see it?”
“No—”
“Just the brand, I won’t—I won’t look at anything else, I promise.”
Matthew shook his head. “It’s ugly—and, it isn’t, y’know, ugly in the same way
that these are ugly,” he whispered, his fingers dropping a corner of the t-
shirt to trace over his chest. “It’s… I hate it, Dom. It’s the one—the one
thing that’s really her.”
It didn’t stop Dominic’s curiosity, but he dropped the topic, opting to instead
push himself into Matthew’s arms. “Love you,” he breathed onto the skin of his
lover’s shoulder.
“Love you too.”
“You want anything to eat?”
“Nah, still full from lunch.””
Dominic smiled, kissed Matthew’s jaw, and headed back to the living room to
play with Sari. She was still sat next to their Christmas tree, a stuffed black
cat in her right hand and a grey one in her left. She’d gotten used to her
missing finger quite well, and the stitches had just gotten out, so she seemed
mostly back to normal. Occasionally, she’d complain about a tingling, but it
was nothing that ibuprofen couldn’t fix.
“Hey,” Dominic said gently, sitting across from her, “what’re you playing?”
“Kitties!” she exclaimed, giving Dominic the grey cat. “He’s evil, Dom. Make
him evil!”
Dominic bared his teeth and growled, “Grr, I’m the evil cat! I’m going to eat
all your cat food!”
“Oh no!” Sari cried in a voice much higher than her normal one, “No, Mr. Evil
Cat, you can’t take my snacks. I’m hungry. I wanna eat them all!”
“Sari-cat, can’t you share them with me?” Dominic asked, mimicking her higher
voice.
The little girl thought for a second, then nodded, pulling a packet of gushers
from behind her and ripping it open. “Okay,” she said, and handed one to
Dominic. “Here you go, now go away!”
Dominic popped the snack into his mouth, before moving his kitten away. “Bye-
bye, Sari!” he said, and then hid the cat behind the table. He proceeded to
crawl over to Sari and wrap her in a tender hug, stroking her hair gently. “I
love you, Sari,” he whispered.
“I love you too, Daddy,” she replied without missing a beat.
***** Chapter 2.2: In Which Sari Finally Reveals How She Feels *****
Chapter Summary
     She lets go. She tells him everything, because she's never told
     anyone before.
Chapter Notes
     A sad one. Soooooooorry.
“Sari, love,” Dominic replied, stiffening at her words. “I’m… I’m not your
Daddy.”
“Why? I see you and Daddy kissing, like old people kiss in movies, so you gotta
be. And you said that you love Daddy! Rumi says that her mummy and daddy love
each other, but Mummy’s a bad person, so you gotta be my Daddy, too, okay?”
“Sa—” started Dominic, but a tiny finger moved up to press against his lips,
and the little girl shifted a bit in his lap so that she could look up at him.
“Shh,” she shushed. “Look, Dom, look—Rumi and Liam from school both have a
mummy and daddy, okay? But I don’t have a good mummy. I only have Daddy, and I
love Daddy so much, but everyone else has two parents, and I want to have two!
So you have to help Daddy, okay? You gotta be my daddy, too!”
Dominic wanted to speak, but Sari hadn’t removed her finger from his mouth yet.
“Can I tell you a secret?” she asked, and he nodded. Her hand fell to her lap.
“Daddy got hurt a lot by Mummy. Don’t tell him I know, though, because… because
I don’t want him to know. Daddy is really sick, and he’s really sad a lot and
he gets really bad nightmares. Sometimes he yells so loud when he’s asleep that
he wakes me up, and he’s shouting about Mummy and… and he’s telling her to
stop. I don’t want him to know that I know, though, Dom. If… if Daddy knew that
I know, he’d get angry at me because I found out his secret. I know I don’t
want him finding out my secret, and I’d get angry if he knew. But you gotta
help him, okay?”
The blond was speechless. He had no idea where the burst of thought had come
from, or the wisdom behind it.
“A-And I know you love him a lot, Dom, and I love him too! He’s so nice, he’s
my bestest friend in the whole world. But he had to sacri—sacrifice a lot to
help me, Dom. I heard… I heard him tell Uncle Chris once, when we were at his
home, that… that bad things happened to him and he didn’t want to tell you. He
trusts Uncle Chris a lot…. Dom, you have to promise me that you aren’t going to
tell him, okay?”
He nodded, despite wanting her to stop her rambling for fear of her reawakening
frightening memories.
“But… he used a lot of bad words when he was talking about Mummy. He said the
word that he doesn’t like other people using—the ‘r’ word, I call it. I asked
him what it meant, once, and he told me he’d tell me another day, but it sounds
really bad. A-And you used it, too, when Mummy came to the door that one day
and you yelled at her, sayin’ that she r-worded Daddy. And… Dom?”
“Yeah, love?”
“When Daddy rescued me and brought me outside for the first time, he was
bleeding a lot. I had to help him stand up. He was hurt really bad, a-and it
was because of Mummy. And I tried to ask him if he was okay, and he always,
every single time, lied and said yes. Does he lie to you and say yes, too?”
“…Yeah.”
“Well, I’m gonna tell you that he’s lying. A-And… Dom?”
“Yeah?”
“Promise not to tell anyone this?”
“Yeah, darling, of course.”
“I get bad dreams, too, sometimes. I’m really scared, Dom, that Mummy’s gonna
come back and take away Daddy from me. It’s… it’s okay if I go. I went with
Mummy, last time, and she… she hurt me a lot, but I got better real quick!
Daddy doesn’t get better. He just… he just stops working. I got really scared
at Mummy’s house, when that big man broke my legs, but at least I got better
and Daddy was smiling when I came back. When Daddy used to get hurt, he’d just
get really quiet and nothing would make him happy, not even if I told him a
joke. He looked really sick, sometimes, Dom, he’d get white like a ghost and I
could hear him throwin’ up in the bathroom. He wouldn’t talk for a lot of days,
sometimes, he’d just give me food and then sit and say nothing. So you gotta
help him, okay? I just want him to be happy, and you… he smiles a lot when he’s
around you. And me. So we both are gonna work together to make him better!”
Dominic didn’t realize he was crying until Sari asked him why he was. In truth,
it had been how honest her words were, despite not making much sense,
continuity-wise. She was rambling, but it was the pure depth and raw emotion of
those ramblings that elicited the tears. “Love,” he whispered, holding on to
her tighter. “Sari, you’re such a smart girl. I’m helping Daddy as much as I
can, and you being the happy little girl that you are helps him a lot, too,
alright? Daddy’s getting better. And soon, Mummy’s gonna be in jail, because of
what she did to you and Daddy. That way, you both are going to be safe. I love
you, Sari. You’re so smart and so brave.”
“Did Daddy tell you what Mummy did to him?”
“Yes, darling. And it wasn’t good, and it did have to do with the r-word.”
“Do you… do you think he’ll tell me one day?”
“When you’re old enough to understand, when you’re twelve or thirteen, I think
he’ll tell you. Alright?”
She nodded. “Alright. But right now, this is our secret, okay?”
“Of course, darling.”
“And, Dom?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you… will you ever be my daddy, too, for real?”
He thought. “Well, Daddy and I have only been together for a few months, but…
yeah, love, I think one day, maybe I will. I hope so, at least. I love Daddy so
much, just like you do, and I’d love to be a parent to you one day. But we…
well, we need to settle down, first. We’re taking Mummy to court to put her in
jail, but once that’s over, everything will be fine.”
Sari’s face brightened. “Are you gonna be ‘Daddy,’ too? Or just Dom? Or… or
Daddy Dom!”
“Well, I think that Daddy’s always gonna be Daddy, and I’m gonna be Dom. But
whatever you like, love.”
“Hmm…” she thought, before she shook her head. “No, I’m gonna decide later.
Right now, can you make some hot cocoa, please? I wanna have some and sit by
the fire!”
“Of course, love. Should I put Christmas music on, too?”
“Yeah! We can dance!” she replied, and Dominic extracted himself from under
Sari to head towards the kitchen. When he reached it, he saw Matthew, sitting
at the kitchen table, his head in his hands.
He looked up, the dark circles under his eyes having grown. Dominic’s face
fell.
“You heard everything.”
***** Chapter 2.3: In Which Dominic and Matthew Discuss Sari's Problem *****
Chapter Summary
     They converse.
Dominic knew Matthew was out of tears, and he simply stared at the kitchen
table. “I… I thought she was okay,” he whispered, his voice only an inch above
a breath. “I thought that she had forgotten, for some reason, or that she
didn’t understand because she was too young. But she does. She knows, Dom. She
knows more than I ever thought she would.”
The older man took the milk out of the fridge. “Yeah.”
“Why is she caring for me, Dom? She’s my child. I’m supposed to be looking out
for her. How have I not seen this?”
“I didn’t know, either,” Dominic replied as he started to heat the milk on the
stove. “I honestly didn’t know until she told me. I hadn’t even suspected it.”
“But you’ve only known her for, what, four months? I’ve known her for her
entire life. And I… didn’t know. I didn’t know.”
“It’s not your fault. She hid it really well.”
“I should’ve known, though. When she first asked me what the word ‘rape’ was.
She was three, Dom. She’d heard me and Gaia arguing and I’d brought up rape and
then she’d flogged me. The next morning, when I woke her up and brushed her
hair, she asked me, ‘Dada, what does rape mean?’ and I lost it. I was sobbing,
that day, by myself in the living room because my three-year-old child asked me
what rape was. And that… that was her whole life. Everything that happened in
that house happened with her in it, too. She was bound to find out sometime.
And she’s an angelic child, Dom, you know she is. She doesn’t deserve this
life. She deserves so much better. But I should’ve known then that she was
aware. Now I’ve just learned it all from eavesdropping on her conversation with
my boyfriend.”
Dominic sat at the chair next to Matthew, resting a hand on his back. “Talk to
her. Tell her about Gaia and how she’s right that she hurt you. Don’t try to
lie, or it’ll just confuse her. But tell her, also, that you’re getting help
and you’re getting better. Maybe that’ll make her feel better, because I can
tell she’s been bottling that all up for a while. She just wants you to be
happy, love.”
Matthew nodded. “I’ll… I’ll try, one day. I’ll talk to her.”
Dominic kissed his boyfriend’s head, before finishing up preparing three cups
of hot cocoa. “Come to the living room?” he asked Matthew, who looked up to see
the cups in his lover’s hands. “I’m putting on Christmas music and we’re gonna
dance and watch a shitty Christmas movie, if you want.”
The brunet grinned. “I’m coming.”
Cups in hand, Dominic headed to the sitting room, where he placed them on the
glass coffee table. “Sari, your cocoa’s here,” he said, and she turned around
with a massive grin on her face.
“Thank you, Dom!” she said, and he flashed her a grin before taking a huge
gulp. She set it down on the sofa, and Dominic proceeded to lift her over his
head, Frank Sinatra wafting through the air from a speaker on a nearby table.
They danced together for a while, Sari standing on Dominic’s feet and letting
him twirl her, until she announced that she wanted to watch a movie. She
grabbed her cocoa once again, before sitting on the sofa. She bounced next to
him, being careful to not spill her drink, and snuggled against his side.
“What’re we gonna watch?”
“Not sure, love. What do you want?”
“Rudolph!” she squealed, and she took a sip of her drink as Matthew walked in.
“Daddy, we’re gonna watch Rudolph. Come sit next to me.”
He nodded and obeyed, sitting almost close enough to squash her between them.
“Sari?” he asked then, and she turned to look at him. He took a shaky breath,
wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “You know you can tell Daddy anything,
right?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“Has anything… has anything been bothering you lately? Anything at all?”
“No.”
The lie stunned both him and Dominic, but they didn’t press. “Okay,” the older
interrupted. “Let’s put on the film, yeah?”
“Yeah!” the little girl agreed, enjoying being snuggled between her father and
Dominic. The lights on the Christmas tree across the room shone bright, the
flames in the fireplace licking stone as the film started to play. An air of
total peace seemed to waft over them as they sat and watched it, the scent of
evergreen and chocolate wafting through all their noses. And Matthew held Sari
just a bit tighter, and Dominic scooted just a bit closer, and they all shared
warmth between them.
Without them noticing it, snow began to fall outside the window.
Something about the mood of the holiday, the occasion having fallen on the same
day that Gaia had been found, brought them just that bit closer together. There
was no fear in the air, no looming threat, not even in the back of their minds.
It was simply happiness in the moment, and the three of them appreciated it
greatly. They all needed a rest, especially Matthew.
Dominic turned to look at said brunet, and gave him a gentle smile. I love you,
he seemed to say.
I love you too, Matthew grinned back, skewed tooth poking out from between his
thin lips. Thank you for this.
Dominic didn’t know what his next smile was supposed to mean, but it was
something positive, because Matthew pursed his lips to stop himself from
giggling.
And over the sounds of Rudolph on the screen and Sari’s occasional laughs and
exclamations, there was peace.
***** Chapter 2.4: In Which They Do It Again *****
Chapter Summary
     Ah. Once more.
They put Sari to sleep, with a short story about elves and the three of them,
before they headed off themselves. The two of them were tired after the long
day, and, as Dominic took off his shirt and put his pajama bottoms on, Matthew
fell into the bed and slithered under the covers.
“Tired?” the older man asked, and a head of dark hair nodded under the covers.
“Me too. I’m gonna be there in a second.” He headed to the bathroom, where he
quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face. When he came back, he thought
Matthew had fallen asleep, his breaths slow and even. A tiny smile crept onto
the blond’s face as he watched his lover, and then he climbed into the bed
himself.
Which was when Matthew’s eyes eased open and he grinned, that single skew tooth
showing again. “Don’t move,” he instructed, scooting forward to kiss Dominic.
It was soft and minty and short, ending almost as soon as it began. One of the
smaller man’s hands stroked Dominic’s shoulder, and the blond blushed an
incriminating shade of red.
That hand floated to caress the side of Dominic’s ribcage, which was shirtless
and warm under the covers. When he tried to move, Matthew smacked him lightly.
“Don’t move, I said!” he reiterated, and Dominic nodded with an affirming
grunt.
Fingers snaked under Dominic’s boxers. Suddenly, a different hand was grasping
another, and Dominic’s slate grey eyes stared right into Matthew’s. “Matt,” he
whispered.
“Do you want to?”
“…Yes.”
“Then let me give you this, please.”
A shaky exhale. Dominic pulled his hand away, and allowed Matthew to push his
own under his pants. Those slate-grey eyes closed so that their owner could
fully immerse himself in the feeling of Matthew’s touch. It skirted along his
hipbone, its touches feather-light, and just the hint of a nail scratching the
skin.
But then they reached a path of coarse hair, and Dominic’s breath hitched. His
eyelids fluttered shut as cold fingers wrapped around his hardening length.
“Matt,” he managed, and the brunet shook his head.
“You’re warm, Dom.”
Slowly, ever so slowly, Matthew started to tug. His fingers tightened on the
upstroke, his thumb occasionally wandering to the slit atop. Dominic’s toes
curled as the short, sharp waves of pleasure started to roll through his body.
It was Matthew, his Matthew, the tiny and shy brunet he saw at his shop, it was
him who gifted him with that feeling, and his hands fisted at the sheets as the
gravity of the situation hit him.
“I love you,” Matthew whispered, his voice close. An eyelid cracked open to
reveal that Matthew had slid closer, and was only a few inches from Dominic’s
face. He kissed the tip of the blond’s nose. “I love you so much. You’re the
most beautiful man I’ve ever seen.”
“Matt,” Dominic repeated for the third time that night. “Fucking—Matt, Jesus, I
love you too.”
The hand that was wrapped around his dick twisted, and he had to clap a hand
over his face from letting out a cry. “One day, I’m gonna hear you,” Matthew
whispered as he sped up his hand slightly. The exquisite pleasure floating
throughout Dominic’s body doubled, and his form curled up on itself. It was so
different, so good to finally be touched by the man he told time and time again
that he adored.
“I’m gonna have Sari stay at Chris’s,” continued Matthew, “and we’re gonna come
here, to this very bed, and we’re gonna do unspeakable things, o-okay?”
Dominic nodded furiously. “Yes, Matt, of course.”
The brunet continued to think aloud. “I’m gonna lay you out on your back and
just touch your chest for a while, because fuck, Dom, you’ve got a gorgeous
torso. I’ll kiss you, maybe I’ll give you a lovebite, and then I’ll go down on
you, yeah? How does that sound?”
It was as if Matthew was acutely aware of the fact that his voice caused
Dominic’s brain to twist on itself, and he almost trembled with the added
sensation of words traveling over his skin. He became a different person when
he was with Dominic, in the bed, and the sweaty blond nodded over and over
again at the sheer filthiness of his lover’s words. “J’aime,” he mumbled,
completely out of it. “Baise-moi, prends-moi, défonce-moi, je t’aime, Matthew,
je te pleur, baise-moi—”
The words tumbling from Dominic’s mouth, coupled with the sheer and clear need
of his body, caused Matthew to edge closer and start grinding against him. “You
are gorgeous,” Matthew murmured over Dominic’s low hum. A clear coat of sweat
covered bronzed skin as the blond risked a look at his lover. The closeness,
the heat, the intensity, it was all so real, so close, and he couldn’t take it.
“Matthew, Matthew, je jouis, je jouis….”
He stilled for a split second, everything about him freezing, and a tiny grunt
escaped his lips as he pumped once, twice, thrice into Matthew’s hand. It came
as a surprise when warm semen fell against his stomach, not even realizing that
Matthew had been simultaneously jerking himself off as he helped Dominic.
“Vous êtes l’homme le plus magnifique du monde,” Dominic breathed as he came
down from his high. Cold air seemed to waft around him, and he pulled the
brunet closer for warmth. “Je serai avec vous pour toujours.”
“I don’t know what that means,” Matthew murmured, half asleep already.
“It means I love you, goofball.”
“Oh.”
“Mm.”
As Dominic gripped Matthew’s hips to pull them impossibly closer, his thumb
caught onto something of a scar, but one that he hadn’t felt before. It had a
definite shape, as if it were a word or number, and was much deeper than any
other scar on Matthew’s body. And, while the brunet started to let out even
breaths, he decided to feel out what it said.
A curious thumb mapped out the bump—which turned out to be a word—and he
attempted to figure out what the letters were. It was quite long, as if a
sentence or phrase, but when he realized it was, he almost jerked away, as if
the man next to him was made of flame.
Dominic had felt, in deeply burned thin letters, the brand in Matthew’s hip.
YOUAREMINE
***** Chapter 3.1: In Which Matthew Finally Tells Sari What It Is *****
Chapter Summary
     She's been waiting, and it's painful for him to tell her. But he
     will.
Christmas Eve. Dominic’s house. The two men sat together on the bed, one
leaning on the other’s shoulder as they shared a phone screen. Matthew scrolled
through site after site, trying to find the right outfit.
“That one,” Dominic pointed, but the smaller man who he was leaned on shook his
head.
“No, that’s gay.”
“You’re gay.”
“Mm, no shit,” Matthew sniped back, causing the blond to chuckle. Another site
passed their eyes. They both groaned at a round of ads. “Goddammit, why is it
so hard to get a—”
“Matt!” Dominic whispered, his tone harsh. “Shh. Sari might be awake.”
The smaller slapped a hand over his mouth. “Oh no.”
“No, you don’t know if she heard.”
“Oh, yeah.”
They continued scrolling, mostly in silence, until Dominic found a few more he
liked. He pointed it out, and promptly announced to Matthew that he would go
and get it. “The shop’s not far, I’ll walk,” he explained, offering his cheek
for Matthew to kiss. The brunet did so—albeit shyly—and Dominic climbed off the
bed to toe on some shoes. “Be back in a bit,” he announced, smiling as he
headed out the door.
Matthew plastered a smile on his face. He then got off the bed himself and
padded over to Sari’s room.
“Baby?” he asked, opening the door. She laid on her stomach, her iPad in front
of her, and she played a game on it. “Can Daddy talk to you?”
“Uh-huh.” She turned off the iPad and sat up a bit. Matthew flicked the light
on and moved to sit on the side of her bed, legs dangling off the side. “Am I
in trouble?” she asked almost instantly, her eyes falling to the ground, and
Matthew’s heart shattered.
“No, love, of course you aren’t. Daddy just wants to talk to you, okay?”
She nodded. “About what?”
“I…” he stumbled, trying to find the words. He’d never spoken to Sari about her
mother, aside from reassuring her that she’d never see her again. That ended up
not working. So he exhaled shakily through his nose, and turned his own eyes to
the ground. “I want you to know, first of all, that I love you so much, okay?”
“I love you too, Daddy,” she muttered, and Matthew could tell that she felt
uncomfortable. Her tiny hands bunched up into fists, clasping the sheets under
her as she squirmed uncomfortable.
“Okay, I… I want to talk to you about Mummy.”
She squirmed more.
“You know… you don’t have to call her Mummy if you don’t want to. She isn’t a
mother to you. She just gave birth to you, love. She’s nothing more than the
person who gave birth to you, okay?”
“What do I call her, then?” she asked, head cocking to the side slightly.
“Gaia,” Matthew whispered. “That’s her name. Gaia. She isn’t your mother, Sari.
She’s just Gaia.”
“Gaia,” Sari repeated.
“Now, I just… I want to know what you think of Gaia. Do you… are you scared of
her?”
Sari nodded, wordlessly.
“What do you know about what Gaia did to me?” he finally asked. “You can… take
your time.”
She shimmied a bit in the bed, looking away from Matthew entirely. “Did Dom
tell you what I told him?”
“No, baby, no. I just heard you telling Dom. He kept it secret.”
“Oh. Well… Daddy, don’t get mad at me, okay?”
“Of course, love,” he assured her, moving so that he sat cross-legged on the
bed. She crawled into his lap, wiggling so that she could look him in the eye
as she spoke.
“I know that Mum—that Gaia hurt you, Daddy. I’m not dumb. I saw that she would…
cut you up. And you lied to me, Daddy, and told me that you were okay. You
would throw up and cry, and you wouldn’t ask me anything. Daddy, I… you were
sick. She made you sick. But you never wanted to talk about it, and so I
thought it was supposed to be a secret.”
Matthew swallowed.
“And even after we left, you had really bad nightmares and you’d scream in your
sleep, Daddy. Why?”
“Because—Because Gaia was bad, Sari, and I remembered it through dreams.
Remember how you used to have a lot of nightmares about her? It was like that.”
“But why did Gaia hurt you?”
Matthew closed his eyes. “I don’t know.”
Sari looked down. “Daddy, I want you to be happy. Are you happy?”
“Yes, baby.”
“Is it because of Dom?”
Matthew shrugged. “Baby, it’s because of you and Dom. You both are making me so
much happier, and I… I love you so much for helping me.”
She shook her head. “Daddy. You… you never told me what the r-word means. You
said you would, but you didn’t.”
Matthew stiffened, his grasp on Sari’s form tightening. “Baby….”
“Tell me!” she insisted.
“I… it’s when someone—someone like Gaia, someone bad, usually—touches your…
touches your privates without you saying they can.”
“Why is it bad?”
“Because—okay, baby, you know when we go to Uncle Chris’s and you play with
Alfie and Ava?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I… if Alfie or Ava is rough with you, and you tell them to stop, you
want them to stop, right?”
“Mhm.”
“But if they don’t stop and they continue being rough, then… then you get
uncomfortable. Right?”
“Yeah.”
“Rape is… rape is like that. It’s a lot like that. It makes the person who is
r-raped really uncomfortable and upset. But it’s different, Sari. It’s when
someone does that, someone makes you very uncomfortable, but it involves them
touching your privates. It’s a crime, and a really bad one.”
“And Mu—Gaia raped you?”
A horrifying dryness filled Matthew’s mouth as he uttered, “Yes, she did.”
“When she touched my privates, did… was that rape?”
He hated being reminded of that, of how Gaia had forced herself on her own
child, and merely as a threat to shut her up. “No,” he found himself saying, as
if someone else was doing so. “That’s different, love.”
“How?”
“It’s… baby, it’s different. Something different happened to you, okay?”
She nodded. “And Gaia gave you your zebra stripes?”
“Yes, baby.”
Sari shook her head. “I don’t like her, Daddy.” Her tiny lips pursed together,
then, and she looked down at the floor.
Matthew knew. “Sari?” he asked, and when she turned to him, tears decorated her
eyes and cheeks.
“Daddy,” she whispered, her voice cracking and breaking. “I don’t want you to
be sad anymore.”
“No, Sari,” he assured her, “baby, look at me. Daddy’s not sad anymore. We’re
okay, right? We’re both out. We’re both fine, now, okay?”
“I don’t want to go back there,” she continued, not listening to him. Her tiny
hands clutched onto Matthew’s shirt. “I don’t want to go back to Gaia’s house.
I don’t want to think about her anymore. Why do I have to, Daddy? Why did this
have to happen?! Why didn’t you rescue me before?!”
Her words became shouted as fists slammed against his chest. In a burst of
movement, he pulled her closer, and she stilled almost instantly when met with
warmth from him. “I’m sorry,” he breathed. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I tried to get
us out, I tried so many times. But the door, it had a combination lock a-and
she always wore the key, and y-you would be stuck in your room. Love, I-I’m so
sorry, I—”
He stopped, taking a breath. He couldn’t cry. “I just want you to know that
you’re safe now, okay? Gaia’s in jail. Soon, she’s gonna be put away for good.
A-And we can be happy, then, for real, us and Dom, alright? How does that
sound?”
Deafening silence filled the air as she thought.
“Yeah,” she finally said. “Okay. I’m sorry for hittin’ you, Daddy.”
He shook his head. “It’s okay, love.”
She pulled away from him, moving up to kiss his cheek. “Okay. I’m hungry.”
Matthew couldn’t help a laugh falling from his lips. “When aren’t you hungry?”
he asked himself, climbing off the bed. “Come on, I’ll get you something. And
put on your Christmas pajamas, love, it’s Christmas Eve!”
“Oh yeah!” she exclaimed, rushing to her dresser to pull out a snowman onesie.
“Can you help me?”
He nodded, and helped her take off her boots so she could slip the pajamas on.
They then headed to the kitchen, where Matt started to make scrambled eggs as
Sari swung up onto a chair at the kitchen table.
The door opened. “I got it!” Dominic shouted, poking his head in.
Sari whipped her head around.
***** Chapter 3.2: In Which They Wrap Presents *****
Chapter Summary
     Last minute wrapping!
“Got what?!” Matthew called, in an attempt to hint to Dominic that Sari was in
the room.
“I… uh, I got some… some milk!” Dominic rushed to cover up. “Milk. I got milk.”
The little girl frowned. “That’s it?”
“Yeah, Sari,” Dominic replied, hauling a bag much larger than milk into the
house. “Just got… just got some milk.”
“I don’t believe you,” she whined, moving to get off the chair.
“No, Sari, baby, eat your eggs,” insisted Matthew, who pushed her plate closer
to her. “Look, Sari, I’m gonna take them!”
“No, Daddy!” she squealed, pulling the plate from his hands. Behind her,
Dominic realized that she was successfully distracted, and he threw the bag
with her presents down the hall.
The two men smiled when they realized she hadn’t even noticed that Dominic
didn’t buy any milk.
The day was practically the same as the one before it—filled with food and warm
drinks and laughter and a homey atmosphere. For the umpteenth time since he had
been with Matthew, Dominic felt he was part of a family. He really and truly
felt that Sari was his own, that he was a father to her—not nearly as much as
Matthew, but still.
“Daddy?” Sari asked, and Matthew turned to her. They had been sat on the sofa,
Sari curled up in his lap with Dominic nestled beside them.
“Yeah, baby?”
“When can I stop wearing my boots?”
A soft laugh. “A week more, baby. Why’d you ask now?”
“Just wondering. I wanna go back out and run around with you and Dom, but I
can’t do that now.”
“Mm.” Matthew’s mind wandered. “How’s your finger?”
She lifted her hand and wiggled the stump a bit, her other fingers moving with
it. “It’s okay. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did before!”
“That’s good.”
“Ooh,” she said, shaking her hand and moving it closer to Matthew’s face.
“Daddy, I’m a pirate! Arrgh, I was in me battle, when me hand got cut.”
Both Matthew and Dominic giggled. “You gonna get a peg finger instead of a peg
leg?” Matthew asked.
“Yep! And a parrot on me shoulder.” She stroked the invisible bird with her
other hand.
They all laughed.
Then night crept along, and Matthew put Sari to bed.
“Daddy, it’s so early!” she complained, but the brunet shook his head.
“Sari, baby, if you go to bed earlier, then you’ll wake up earlier, meaning
that you can get Santa’s presents earlier,” reasoned Matthew.
She thought for a second, until she was convinced with her father’s logic.
“Fine, I’ll go to bed.”
Matthew tucked her in, kissed her forehead, and whispered, “I love you, Sari.”
“Love you too, Daddy.”
“Sweet dreams!” He turned off the light, then, and left her room. He and
Dominic then waited in the elder’s bedroom, having agreed to wait an hour
before they could start wrapping the presents. That hour was filled with soft
kisses and nature documentaries.
“Ready?” Dominic asked after the clock struck eleven.
The resulting nod from Matthew elicited a grin from him, and they hopped off
Dominic’s bed, pulling the gifts out from underneath. Another hour was silent,
save for the quiet sounds of tape and paper. The occasional dropping of
scissors or tape would cause the other man to hiss out a “Shh!”
The presents were finally put under the tree.
“We did it!” Matthew whisper-shouted, raising his arms above his head and
pumping them in the air. A smile decorated his face. “We got them all done!”
“Yeah,” Dominic agreed, taking his lover’s waist in his arms and resting his
head on the other’s shoulder. The blond’s front was flush with Matthew’s back
as they stared at the tree in awe. It was decorated with red and gold, tiny
lights shining through ornaments and casting warm shadows around the room.
“Love you,” whispered Matthew, his own hands moving to rest against Dominic’s.
“Love you too.” A beat of silence. “We should probably get to bed. Sari’s gonna
wake us up early tomorrow.”
“Mm.”
Yet they made no effort to move, instead standing still and staring at the tree
for a few more precious minutes. The warmth that emanated from Dominic’s form
kept Matthew smiling the whole time, the feeling wonderful in his stomach.
But then their legs got tired, and so did their heads, so they crept back to
bed. Quiet words were whispered and kisses were given as they drifted to sleep.
“Matt?” Dominic murmured as they were on the verge of finally resting.
“Yeah?”
“Happy Christmas.”
“Happy Christmas, Dom.”
***** Chapter 3.3: In Which It's Christmas Morning *****
Chapter Summary
     And now, the big reveal!
“Daddy, Daddy, Santa came!”
Sari’s delighted squeals, accompanied by her tiny hands shaking his body,
pulled Matthew out of sleep. He blinked a few times, turning to look at his
daughter. A huge smile was drawn on her face when he finally gained focus.
Outside, the sky was completely dark. It couldn't have been later than six in
the morning.
"Did he?" Matthew asked with surprise, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Alright, baby, I'm coming. Give Daddy a second."
She bounced over—as much as she could with the boots on her feet—to Dominic's
side of the bed, where he was completely out. "Dom!" she squealed, shaking him
like she had done to Matthew. "Dom, wake up, Santa came!"
"Hmm?" Dominic asked, turning on his back and stretching his arms out over his
head. "What, Sari?"
"Santa, Dom! Come on, aren't you excited? Santa came!"
"Mm, yeah," grunted Dominic as he started to really wake up. "Go tell Daddy."
"I did!" She pushed him again for good measure, starting to leave the room.
"I'm gonna go open all the presents if you don't hurry up!"
"I'm coming," Matthew and Dominic said at the same time, rolling out of bed.
The two men slipped on flannel pants and t-shirts, the brunet using the
bathroom first. In the meantime, Dominic headed over to where Sari was leaning
on the closed door, mock-yawning.
"You take forever," she stated simply. "Santa came, aren't you excited?"
Dominic knelt. "Yeah, of course, love. What do you think he got you?"
She thought for a second. "I don't know. Last year, in Mu—in Gaia's house,
Santa got me a teddy bear, and the year before that he got me... I think he got
me a coloring book. But Daddy made me a special breakfast, too. You gotta ask
him nicely, though!"
The older man marveled at the fact that Matthew managed to get something for
her each Christmas, even if it was something simple. But that was immediately
replaced with excitement of how she would react towards getting her presents
this year. "Alright," he smiled, the bathroom door opening and Matthew walking
out with slightly less bedhead and freshly-brushed teeth. "I'll ask him to make
the special breakfast."
He got up, then, to meet Matthew by the bathroom door. They shared a peck of a
kiss and then crossed paths, Dominic closing the bathroom door behind him as
Matthew took his phone off the nightstand and headed towards Sari. "You excited
for Christmas, baby?" he asked, turning the video on his phone on while
kneeling to her height.
"Yeah!" she exclaimed, smiling at the camera that was pointed at her. "I can't
wait to see what Santa got this year."
"Baby, how old are you?"
She groaned. "Daddy, I'm six. Remember?"
"Of course," he giggled. "It's for the video. What do you want to do after we
unwrap presents?"
"Can you make your special breakfast?"
"Of course."
It was a brief conversation, Dominic opening the door shortly after. Matthew
turned the camera to him, and Dominic flashed a smile. "There he is," Matthew
said in a sing-songy manner, zooming in a bit on Dominic's newly-combed hair.
"Let's go, come on!" Sari groaned, pulling on one of Matthew's shirt sleeves.
"Can we go out now?"
"Don't pull, sweetheart," muttered Matthew as he stood up and opened the door.
She trotted down the hallway, the two men following closely behind her. Matthew
made sure the camera captured every movement of hers as she flicked on the
living room's lights and turned to see their Christmas tree, a dozen or so
presents scattered underneath. They were wrapped in blue paper, tiny snowmen
decorating each wrapping. The presents were all different sizes, some only as
big as the palm of her hand while others taking up almost half her height. Some
of the larger ones had green bows placed atop them.
Matthew and Dominic had decided to go all-out for her first real Christmas.
"Wow!" she gasped, hands to her lips as she gazed at the gifts. She whipped
back around, staring at Matthew in awe. "Daddy, Santa brought so much!"
And as they saw the look on her face when she turned, they knew that it was so
worth it.
"I know, love. Go look, come on, let's get these out from under there." He
continued to film as he and Dominic helped her move the presents to the center
of the room. He stopped for a second to head to the back of the tree, flicking
a switch that turned its lights on. It took a few minutes, but when the
presents were finally all in the center, Sari plopped down onto the ground and
took the smallest one into her hands. She was about to rip the wrapping open
when she stopped, looking up at Matthew expectantly.
"What's wrong, darling?" he asked.
"Can I?"
He smiled, a soft gesture as he moved to sit across from her. He made sure the
camera was angled at her before he said, "Go ahead."
***** Chapter 3.4: In Which They Hear Gaia's Plea *****
Chapter Summary
     And the case begins here!
Sari was the happiest Matthew had ever seen her after she had opened her
presents. With every gift that she opened, her face lit up, and she ran over to
Matthew and Dominic to show them each one. Her smiles seemed to bring smiles to
the faces of the two men.
Before long, Matthew was in the kitchen, baking Sari a chocolate pizza, while
Dominic kept her company in the living room. It had to be her favorite food in
the world, and she only got to have it on rare occasions. The meal itself was
simple—baked pizza dough covered in Nutella and powdered sugar—but she seemed
to adore it. Probably because it was sweet, and when they were stuck, she’d
hardly been able to have sweets.
Even though she'd had it in Gaia's house, she never seemed to grow out of it.
The pizza was baked and eaten by all three of them, then, as Sari settled
herself on the living room floor with her new toys. She seemed content to play
by herself, despite Dominic offering to sit with her numerous times.
Matthew's cell rang, then, and he went to the kitchen to pick it up when he saw
it was Stacey. “Happy Christmas!” he said cheerfully after the third ring,
smiling to himself.
“Happy Christmas to you too,” she replied, voice equally as happy. He could
tell she was smiling widely on the other end. “I’ve got the best present for
you, Matthew.”
“What is it?”
“Well, I got news the other day of Gaia’s plea, and I wasn’t going to call you
until I was sure that she was sticking with that route. I didn’t want to get
your hopes up in case she changed it last minute, but I spoke with her lawyers
and they have confirmed that she won’t be changing her mind anytime soon.”
Matthew’s heart rose in his chest, fear creeping its way in. “What’s she...
what's she pleading?”
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Dominic coming in with a few dirty
plates, and he turned to give him a look. The blond instantly dropped the
dishes in the sink and moved to listen to what was being said over the phone.
“Matt, she's pleading guilty. She's admitting she did it.”
Silence rang throughout the kitchen at the admission. Matthew and Dominic
shared a stunned look. “What?” Matthew muttered, not entirely sure that he
heard her right.
“She did it. She’s pleading guilty to every single charge. Everything about her
abusing you, to her kidnapping Sari, she’s admitting it all.”
“What does that... what does that mean? For me?”
“It means that when the trial is held, we aren’t going to be proving her guilt.
We’re going to convince the jury to give her life in prison. It makes your job
and mine a whole lot easier.”
“Why is she doing that?” Matthew gasped, still in shock. One of Dominic’s arms
wrapped around his shoulders, realizing what was happening.
Stacey sighed. “There could be a number of reasons. It could be because she
knows that there'd be no way to prove to the jury that she's innocent. Maybe it
was her conscience. Plus, people who plead guilty, it's easier for them to get
a lesser charge. She probably saw our evidence during discovery—the pictures of
you, your statement that you made at the police station, and the fact that
we're going to be talking about Sari and the kidnapping. It all probably
accumulated to her and her lawyer's decision to make her enter a guilty plea.”
Shivers ran through Matthew's back, and one of his hands moved to run through
his hair. “You... you really think that she's gonna go to jail, now?”
"Yes, Matt. She's going to go to jail, probably for life if we get a good
argument. And that means that you and Sari will never have to worry about her
ever again. You're gonna be free, Matt."
The words rang throughout Matthew's head. He was finally, finally, at long last
going to be free. The fear that he'd always had for his daughter, the lingering
worry that she would get taken back to the house, it was all going to be gone
for good. The woman who had tormented them for years was finally going to be
put behind bars.
Sari would finally get to live her life as a child like she always should have.
That was what made his Christmas.
***** Chapter 4.1: In Which Matthew Reads A Letter *****
Chapter Summary
     Matthew picks up a note while cleaning the house. A note he's not
     supposed to see.
Chapter Notes
     A sad one. :(
The trial was set to start on the 14th of January. The phone call to Chris had
been a short but happy one. He’d congratulated Matthew and wished him luck for
the day, assuring them that Kelly would adore having Sari over for whenever
they had to be in court. Matthew had his doubts about leaving her, not having
been separated without contact since before Sari had been taken, but he seemed
to trust Chris. With only a few soft whispers of gratitude, the date was set
and done.
In the few tension-ridden days before the trial, Matthew seemed to go into a
sort of nesting phase, cleaning his and Dominic’s places as if they were
preparing for hundreds of people to come over. It must be his nervous
habit—besides, when he was in the house, he mentioned that all he did was
really cook and clean, thought Dominic as Matthew went to make the bed a third
time. He insisted repeatedly that it was not right, despite the older’s
attempts to convince him otherwise.
The day before they were supposed to go to court, Matthew decided to finally
set foot in Dominic’s room. It was the one place he hadn’t cleaned, despite his
attempts to do so. Dominic always insisted that it was fine as it was.
Bullshit, Matthew thought as he picked stray socks off the floor. Look at this
place. It’s a mess. How can Dom live like this?
He brought out the vacuum at one point, sliding it across Dominic’s sleek
wooden floors in a desperate attempt to pick up the dust lying around. Baffled,
he couldn’t believe that he’d slept in that room night after night—it was
filthy. Filthy!
A few hours later he stopped dusting and scrubbing, and set to tidying. He
organized each one of Dominic’s drawers by clothing type and color, making sure
to fold everything nicely. Even his socks. From that short adventure, he
gathered that Dominic seemed to have a thing for leopard print. He’d noticed it
before, observing the occasional printed tee or pair of boxers, but a leopard-
print suit jacket. Really, Dom?
He wasn’t there to judge, though. He was just there to sort everything out.
When he reached Dominic’s nightstand, though, he hesitated. The complete
silence of the house seemed to catch up to him, and he realized truly how alone
he was. Dominic was at work, somehow managing to maintain his job despite
missing so many days. Sari was out at school and didn’t need to be picked up
for another few hours.
Just looking at the nightstand, though, seemed to be something of a chore in
itself. He didn’t want to open it, knowing that it was such a personal part of
someone. He himself put things he never wanted anyone to see in his nightstand
drawer. But at the same time, he was filled with the overwhelming need to just
snoop, take a look into Dominic’s private life. It wasn’t like he never spoke
with or listened to Dominic’s life—he knew about his sister, and his mother and
late father, and he knew of his boyfriend’s hobbies and the like. But he wanted
to know what was in his nightstand.
So he made the mistake of opening it.
Inside was absolutely nothing. Well, that was a lie—there was only one thing.
The only object that occupied the drawer of Dominic’s nightstand was a
weathered piece of off-white paper, with the three letters that made up his
name delicately written in cursive on the front. It was folded into thirds, so
it became envelope-sized, yet there was no envelope. Just that single sheet of
paper.
A letter, by the looks of it. Faint dots seemed to blot the outside, some shade
of brown or red.
Without meaning to—oh, I really shouldn’t be doing this—Matthew picked up the
letter and opened it. It seemed loose, each fold opening easily as if it had
been done so many times previous. Curiosity spiked at Matthew’s heart. He
desperately wanted to know who the letter was from.
He read it.
     Dommic.
     If you’re reading this, you know who I am to you. I hope with every
     fiber of my being that I don’t have to be the one that hands this to
     you, but that you will receive it in the mail, or from one of my
     relatives.
     I want you to know that none of this is your fault. You’ll blame
     yourself for years, and I can’t stop that, but coming from me—you’ve
     done nothing wrong. All you’ve done is love me unconditionally, and
     for that, I’ll be forever thankful. Truly.
     I’ve been meaning to write this letter for a long, long time.
     Probably even since before I met you, which I know might seem odd, or
     sad. But, Dom. This is who I am. I want you to know that nothing
     you’ve done could’ve changed this. I’ve accepted that what I’m doing
     is selfish and inconsiderate, but you deserve so much better, my
     love. You deserve someone who can give you what I can’t—the type of
     love that you’ve given me.
     You’ve supported me throughout everything I’ve done. Every time
     you’ve helped me with an assignment, or anytime you’ve hyped me up
     before a performance, it’s permanently engrained in my memory. Almost
     every thought of you that I possess is one of complete and utter
     happiness and acceptance. That’s what makes you special, Dom. You’re
     such a warm, considerate person.
     I love you with my entire being. I want you to remember that. I want
     you to know that everything I feel for you is beyond the realm of
     words, and I want you to be able to feel the happiness that I feel
     whenever I think of you.
     And I want you to know that you are what’s been keeping me from
     writing this. Your complete and utter happiness, your constant
     shining presence in my life—you’re like the sun, Dom, in all your
     golden glory, and you light up my world simply by being in it. Hell,
     you’re like all the stars at once.
     But the reason why I’m deciding to write this now—it’s not your
     fault. It’s my own. I’m reckless and stupid and bound to hurt you and
     those you love one day. You’ve been keeping me happy for as long as
     I’ve known you, and yet my own demons are coming back to eat at me
     every day. I can’t let you see what they do to me, Dom. I can’t do
     that to you.
     I can’t be the reason you stop being happy.
     And I know that anything I do, as of this moment, will make you sad.
     But that’s okay. I think leaving might be the best choice for both of
     us, because if I go now, you won’t have to deal with my ever-
     depleting state for long. I don’t want you to have to care for me and
     become like me—I want you to be happy, even if that means I’m not
     part of the picture anymore. I know there are so many other things
     that you want to focus on right now, and you’ve got great friends who
     love and care for you more than I ever can hope to.
     Dominic James Howard. My Dommic. I love you, even if it doesn’t mean
     much. Never forget that you are the one who’s kept me sane for so
     long.
     I hope to see you again one day. ♥
The words on the paper left Matthew utterly confused, with more questions than
answers. But for each time he read it, he could feel a deep pang in his
stomach. It grew and grew with each tender word—each time the person said that
they loved Dominic, each time they said that Dominic was what made them happy.
Jealousy.
Whoever this person was, Dominic was somehow involved with them. Yes, every
read-through seemed to make that clearer and clearer.
He thought, for once, that he could open up himself and let someone into his
head, to try and understand what it felt like to be loved. Apparently, he was
wrong. Just like he'd thought before he'd gone against every rational thought
in his head and taken the risk of trusting Dominic—he was going to be betrayed.
He was going to get hurt. 
Complete and utter rage.
Matthew resisted the urge to rip the paper to shreds, opting to instead clench
onto it with forceful fingertips.
He was about to reach for his phone to call Dominic when the front door opened.
***** Chapter 4.2: In Which Dominic Comes Home *****
Chapter Summary
     He doesn't expect the anger.
“Dom.”
The instant Dominic heard his lover’s voice, he knew something was wrong. It
wasn’t his usual, bright tone, one commonly filled with the click of a tongue
and fudged r’s—it was cold, hard, unforgiving.
“Yeah?”
He turned around, circling on the balls of his feet, and stopped dead in his
tracks when he saw what Matthew held.
A weathered, off-white sheet of paper, folded in thirds, with his name on the
outside in black script.
“Matt—”
“Who are you sleeping with, Dom?”
The words weren’t at all what he expected. He expected hurt, confusion,
sorrow—anything that he himself felt when reading the words inscribed on that
paper. He’d been expecting something small or meek. Not an accusation.
“I—”
“Who,Dominic?”
The use of his full name, coupled with Matthew’s tone, rendered him absolutely
useless. “It’s not—”
“Give me a fucking name.”
“I’m not sleeping with anyone!”
Matthew’s eyes had become slits, his lips twisted into a snarl. “Bullshit.
That’s a lie and you know it.” The letter in his fist started to wrinkle, and
with it came a deep sense of dread in Dominic’s stomach. “What is this, then,
huh?”
“Matt, please—”
“This letter, signed here with a—with a heart, with an ‘I love you,’ that’s
nothing? That’s not any indication of you fuckingsomeone else?”
“Matt—”
“This—” he indicated, shaking the letter wildly, threatening to tear it in two,
“This is—you’ve been… the whole time? How long, huh, Dom, how long have you
been sleeping around, pretending to care for me and Sari?! How long have you
been hiding this from me?! And what’s this, huh?” He gestured wildly at the
paper, at the red dots that were scattered upon it. “What’s this? Some sick
trick to try to get me to ignore it? Am I just… not good enough for you? Is it
because I don’t want you to fuck me yet? Is it because I’m just a—a rape victim
for you to pity, huh? You just want me so that you can tell all your friends
and your lover that you managed to take a poor—poor ‘kid’ under your wing?”
Matt.
“Answer me, Dom! What isthis?!”
Dominic’s head turned away. The rest of the bedroom seemed to fade away from
them, into nothingness, as did every one of Dominic’s responses.
Green eyes and a freckled grin were the only things that occupied his mind.
“Andrew.”
“What?”
“He—He was called Andrew.”
“I fucking knewit,” Matthew growled, crumpling up the note in his fist.
All the writing, the once pristine and shimmering ink that Dominic would read
every single day years prior, was crumpled into a ball and launched into the
nearest bin. The very last fragment left of Drew that belonged to him was just
thrown out, like he was a common whore.
“His favorite food was pumpkin pie,” Dominic continued, all his reserve
crumbling away as soon as the note was tossed aside. Shaky hands moved to cover
his face, and he mumbled into them, “He loved pumpkin pie. I’d make it for his
birthday every year, every 13th of September.”
“Shut up,” Matthew mumbled over Dominic’s muffled words. “I don’t want to hear
about your fucking side piece, you miserable, lying cunt. It’s been going on
for years?”The brunet stilled. “Am I the side piece, you… you whore?”
Dominic didn’t care. Any insults that Matthew threw his way were completely
ignored as he let fresh waves of complete grief wash over him.
“A-And he loved parties. He was always kind of crazy, he’d get drunk a-and kiss
my neck and braid my hair. He could do a really good French braid.”
Matthew’s brain, previously fuming with anger, came to a screeching halt.
“What? Your hair’s….”
“I think… I think he liked lizards. He was gonna—gonna study reptiles, but I…”
Dominic trailed off, looking up from his hands. Fat, hot tears rolled down his
cheeks, nose bright red, mouth wavering, but he didn’t sob. He searched
Matthew’s face and found the clear beginnings of realization. “I can’t remember
a lot else. I can’t remember if he—if he slept with his socks on, if he liked
loud or quiet music, I can’t remember anything about him.”
“Dom, is…?”
“I can’t remember anything about him anymore.”
As Dominic sunk to his knees, Matthew scrambled to the bin, fishing out the
note and flattening it on the floor. He reread it, eyes scanning over each
word, and the blood splatters, each making more and more sense. “Dom… what
happened to Andrew?”
A tearstained face turned to look at Matthew. With horrifyingly steady words,
Dominic said, “He shot himself in front of me four years before I met you.”
“Jesus Christ.”
Matthew’s hands shot away from the paper as if it was about to catch fire, and
he fell backwards, onto clenched fists.
“That’s—That’s the last thing he ever wrote me.”
Drew’s hand twitched, just the slightest bit. “Dom,” he whispered, and the
blond dared to take a step closer. “Dom, read the note. When… when I’m gone,
read the note. Please. It explains everything. Please, Dom.” His voice became
hushed. “Please.”
“Fuck, I’m so… I’m so sorry,” Matthew whispered, frantically returning to the
paper and trying to flatten it out with his hands. “I’m so sorry, Dom, I didn’t
know, I thought….”
“I still love him,” Dominic whispered.
A pang flew through Matthew’s body. “What?”
“I can’t… I still love him so much, Matt. I still think of him, and I wonder—I
wonder what he’d be doing right now. What we’d be doing right now.”
Matthew said nothing. His hands slowed down.
With a heave, Dominic flopped onto his back, blankly staring at the ceiling as
if Drew might descend from it. “I wonder if he’d make breakfast for me, or if
he’d want me to do it for him. I think—I think he couldn’t cook. Or he cooked
really well. I can’t remember anymore….”
“Dom.”
“What?” Dominic snapped, and Matthew flinched a bit.
“I’m sorry for ever… thinking about him like that, but I didn’t know. And I’m
sorry for ruining—ruining his note.”
“I memorized the note, anyway,” Dominic mumbled. “It’s not even the paper
itself, anymore, although I still love how his handwriting looks. Look at his
j’s. They’re all loopy. I used to make fun of him for that. But I suppose it’s
mostly… mostly the words. Especially the thing in the sixth paragraph
about—about the… the way he thinks I look like the sun, and he tells me—tells
me what stars I look like. It’s so cheesy, but it’s so him.”
A choking sob finally escaped Dominic’s chest as he cried, “He said I looked
like the sun, Matt. He said that I lit up his whole world.”
“Dom, love, no,” Matthew breathed, daring to crawl closer to the blond on the
floor. He was spread out like a starfish, on his back, tears seeping down the
sides of his face and into his hair.
“He was so sad, Matt,” Dominic sobbed, “and I never even realizeduntil it was
too late. He’d just keep to himself, he’d give me one-word answers to
everything, and… and I brushed it off until I busted his door down and saw him
with the gun. I tried, Matt, I tried so hard to tell him to stop, but he did it
anyway.
“It’s okay, baby, please, it’s okay. I’m right here.” He spoke as if he was
talking to a frightened deer, making sure to stay calm. Inside, his world was
shaking as he took another step. “Just put the gun down, darling, and we can
talk, Drew. I love you. Please, please put it down.”
One of Matthew’s hands crept to brush against Dominic’s hair, and the blond
head settled into the touch.
“Matt, he killedhimself. I had to watch….” He paused, his next words coming out
on a wail. “I had to watch the back of his head shatter!”
In a flurry of movement, Dominic rose to grip Matthew in his arms. His body
shook with sobs as he truly let himself cry for the first time in years. He
clutched onto Matthew as if it were about to vanish, fingers digging into skin
and arms wrapped around him tightly. "Matt," he murmured, the word a prayer on
his lips. "Matt, I can't lose you too."
That's when it all came rushing back to Matthew, the night that Dominic found
him in his bedroom with a gun to his jaw, and he suddenly clutched back onto
the blond who had enveloped him with warmth. He realized too quickly that the
reason why Dominic slapped him, that night, the reason why he pushed him to the
ground and wrenched the gun from his hands, wasn't because he was angry.
He was terrified out of his mind.
It struck Matthew, then, that he knew so little about who Dominic was before
they met. He'd told him everything about Gaia, about the house, about Sari, but
he'd never taken the time to listen.
"Dom," he whispered, trying to convey all of that in a single word. The blond
said nothing, opting to instead hold Matthew closer.
"Don't leave me."
"I'm not, Dom, I'm right here. I'm never going to do that to you."
"Never?" Dominic's voice broke.
"Never. I'm going to live, Dom. I made that choice. It was... it was because of
Sari being gone, but I'm here now. I promise. I'm going to stay."
Dominic nodded, but didn't let go. "I love you, Matt."
"I love you too. I love you so much."
***** Chapter 4.3: In Which There Is A Reveal *****
Chapter Summary
     It's not something they expected, not in the least.
14th of January. Day one of the trial.
The two of them woke up at five thirty, something that elicited pained groans
from the both of them but ensured that they would be on time. Sari, too, seemed
upset, but more so at the fact that she would be spending so much time at
Chris's instead of with Dominic and her father. She put on a pink dress and a
matching coat, ready to go out.
Matthew and Dominic wore matching suits. They were sleek black and coupled with
purple ties. Dominic had to actually show Matthew how to tie one, as he’d had
no prior experience doing so, but he was a quick learner and got it on the
second try.
They left the house at seven. Court would open at nine. The two of them didn’t
want to waste a single moment, though, and they headed to the subway as soon as
they dropped Sari off at Chris’s house.
“Good luck, Daddy,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck as he was
about to leave. “I love you.”
“I love you too, baby. I’ll see you tonight and we’ll watch a film, alright?”
She nodded, stepping away to let him go. “Okay.”
“Bye, darling.”
“Bye-bye, Daddy and Dom!”
The train ride that followed afterwards was silent, Matthew’s hand resting in
Dominic’s. He took the time to wonder what would be happening in the courtroom.
Gaia had entered a guilty plea—did that mean he still had to testify? It
guaranteed that she was going to be there, but was she going to speak at all?
What was Stacey going to do? Would she show the court the pictures of him? If
she did, then who would be seeing them? And what about Dominic—where would he
be? Was there going to be an audience? Would there be cameras?
The blond, in the meantime, had been texting Morgan, seeking advice. He told
him where he was going, and had gotten some vague response of ‘good luck’ back.
It all struck him as weird, but he didn’t pay it any mind. Morgan had always
been a bit disconnected.
They reached their stop, and Dominic led Matthew by the hand to the courthouse.
It was a sleek, modern building, with wooden accents and marble floors. A very
formal building.
“Matt!” they heard a voice call as soon as they entered through revolving
doors. It was Stacey. “Loves, hello. Big day today. You excited?”
Matthew merely shrugged. “I guess.”
“You just want it to be over?”
That elicited a nod.
“Yeah, that makes two of us. You don’t deserve any of this. But it should be
over in a week or so, based on how long the judge is going to take to sentence
her.”
“And then…?” Matthew wondered aloud.
“And then she’ll be sent off to serve her sentence. And you’ll be fine.
Alright?”
“Mhm.”
“Come on,” she said then, gesturing for them to follow her. “I’ve got something
really important to tell you.”
She took them to a room in the back, beside the courtroom they would be
spending their day in. It seemed to be her temporary office, simply judging by
the sheer amount of papers scattered over a large circular table in the center,
and corners of pictures that peeked out from underneath said papers. The three
of them sat around the cluttered table.
“Matthew, there’s something that the defense, um… failed to tell me during
discovery, and they’re stating it was because I failed to ask, although it’s
quite specific and isn’t something I would’ve thought of.”
One of Dominic’s eyebrows quirked up. “What?”
“It’s…” she said with hesitation. “It’s about the kidnapping.”
Matthew flinched at the word.
“The police discovered early on who had taken Sari and assaulted you that
night. Gaia, for some strange reason, agreed to enter a guilty plea so only
civil—and very, very private—charges would be pressed against the man who broke
into your house. It would save us all money for her to have done that, and she
didn’t really have a choice, anyway—our case is much too strong and theirs is
much too weak. They refused to tell me who it was who stole your daughter
initially, citing the fact that it’s a very sensitive issue and that it was not
relevant to our case. But I insisted that it was your right to know who
kidnapped your child, and they told me. And, after digging a bit deeper, I
realized that….”
“Who is it?” Matthew immediately asked.
Stacey sighed. “Matt—Dom, especially you, I don’t think it’s a good idea for
you to know. The court wants this information confidential, and there’s a good
reason for that. I just felt that if you realized they had caught the person,
you’d be at peace. The identity itself, well….”
“Tell me.”
She glanced at her paper, then took a breath. “His name is… his name is Morgan.
Morgan Nicchols.”
And it wasn’t Matthew’s heart which dropped at that moment, but the blond
sitting next to him.
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