Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/11159613.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage
  Category:
      F/M, M/M
  Fandom:
      Phandom/The_Fantastic_Foursome_(YouTube_RPF)
  Relationship:
      Dan_Howell/Phil_Lester, Dan_Howell_&_Phil_Lester, Phil_Lester/Original
      Female_Character(s)
  Character:
      Dan_Howell, Phil_Lester, Original_Male_Character(s), Original_Female
      Character(s), Lilly_Singh, Zoe_Sugg
  Additional Tags:
      1970s_AU, 1970s, AU, Rich!Dan, Rich!Phil, Crossdressing, dad!Phil, Phan_-
      Freeform, phanfic, age_gap, polaroids, vintage, LGBT, Homophobic_Slurs,
      transphobic_slurs, class_rings, High_School, High_School_AU, Stalking,
      Drug_Use, Marijuana, cheerleader!dan, weirdly_accepting_town,
      photographer!dan, Smut, technically_gay_sex_was_only_legal_if_you_were_21
      so_imma_mark_this_as_underage, Grinding, Daddy_Kink, Emotional_Hurt,
      Hurt!Dan, Gay_Sex, Nude_Photos, Pining, Fluff, Angst, The_Unholy_Trinity
      -_Freeform
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-03-27 Chapters: 11/? Words: 14118
****** Living is Easy with My Eyes Closed ******
by TheUKAmazingDan
Summary
     September 19, 1976
     Dan Howell liked pretty things and a pretty guy, but not the one who
     was interested in him. No, Dan was infatuated with someone he
     couldn't have.
     based off of the Colors music video by Halsey.
Notes
     So this is kinda my first chaptered phanfic! I mean, I could have
     posted this as a one shot, but where's the fun in that? I hope y'all
     enjoy!
See the end of the work for more notes
***** September 19, 1976 *****
Sunday
I stood, watching from the second story balcony of the country club. The light
breeze blew my white tennis dress up slightly around my milky thighs. I
smoothed down the pleated skirt with one hand, and reached into my duffel bag
with the other. I pulled out my Polaroid camera from the front pocket, then set
the bag back down by my feet. I popped open the view-finder, then looked
through it, down to the green, luscious courts below.
I held the camera steady, then snapped a perfect picture. I smiled as the
camera whirred and the film came out of the slot. As the film slid out, I
reached my hand out in front of the camera, waiting, expecting the picture to
spit itself directly into my palm. I pulled the film firmly from the camera,
then waved it around gently. I watched as the color started to appear around
the edges of the photograph, then set it down on the thick white railing of the
balcony.
"Daniel?" A sweet voice called.
"Yes, Mother?" I replied, picking the film up from the railing as the wind
picked up once more.
The click of my mother's high heels echoed across the wooden balcony as she
approached me. I picked up my head and sucked in a breath as I saw how close
she actually was. I tucked my camera into my bag again, then turned the slowly
developing photograph toward myself. "What are you doing?" She giggled, getting
even closer, crossing her arms over her chest and smiling through her red-
coated lips. Her white teeth shined in the afternoon light. She was so pretty,
like a goddess, and I was proud to look quite a lot like her.
"Just -" I began, looking down, but she cut me off with a chuckle.
"Were you taking photographs of Tyler again?" She asked, flipping her dark
brown hair over her shoulder.
A deep, pink blush dusted over my cheeks. "No." I answered, turning away from
her slightly. I was telling the truth. I wasn't taking pictures of the
attractive boy with slicked back hair playing tennis on the country club court.
"Of course you weren't!" She giggled, reaching up a hand and pulling her
tortoiseshell sunglasses slowly down her nose with one finger. She leaned in,
close enough that I was able to feel the heat radiating from her soft tan skin,
and whispered, "Don't worry, love. It can be our secret." She winked, then
shuffled back, adjusting her white cardigan pulled over her designer dress. It
was the same shade as mine, but had teardrop holes settling tastefully over her
cleavage, which was something I didn't really posses, and had no pleats or
pattern what-so ever. It was a bit form fitting, but she could make a dress
made from palm fronds look classy if she was wearing it. She carried herself
like a queen, though she was no such thing, and demanded respect while being a
bit coy if I did say so myself.
"Which court are we on?" I asked suddenly, shifting the focus from me to the
numbers written on a small card my mother carried. "It's almost five." I
stated, looking down at my watch.
She looked down, pushing her sunglasses back into place. "Court number four, I
believe!" She answered, forgetting about my camera for the time being. "Which,"
she smirked, "Is right across from Tyler and his father!"
"Very good." I smiled back, sighing as she turned back around. I dared to take
a glance at the photograph, smiling dreamily at the image captured within. I
was telling the truth. I was not taking pictures of a cute boy. No, that was
wrong, incredibly wrong indeed.
"Well, are you coming?" She laughed, noticing I wasn't following as she walked
off towards the staircase that led down to the tennis courts.
"I'm coming!" I called back, admiring the photograph for a moment before
tucking it into the pocket of my duffel. My white sneakers barely squeaked as I
hurried after her, duffel bag clanking against my hip and dress fluttering in
the breeze. As I followed after my mother, who slowly descended the spiral
stairs, I thought of the piercing pair of eyes captured within my photo.
We stepped off of the stairs, then strolled together down the cement walkway
toward the tennis courts. I pulled a tennis ball from my bag and began bouncing
it as I walked. We approached a table situated on the dividing line between
courts three and four, and Mother pulled out her seat and sat down. I simply
placed my bag onto the table, then removed my racket. My mother never played
tennis with me, instead leaving me to play against my coach.
My coach, a black man named Harry, waved to us as I approached the court, which
both myself and my mother returned. "Hello, Harry!" I greeted as I walked onto
the court.
"Daniel! This is new!" He greeted me, skipping over to my side of the court.
"You look nice." He said, smiling as he complimented my dress.
"Thanks! When I told Mom I wanted to wear a dress today, she was so happy!" I
giggled, twirling the racket in my fingers. "Honestly, I thought she would have
been angry, but she just let me borrow one from her closet." I admitted,
leaning in a bit to keep the conversation more private. "This is the first time
I've worn a dress since I came out."
"Angry? Daniel, your mother could never be mad at you for that!" He chuckled,
giving me a firm pat on the back and shaking his head. "But, we can talk as we
play, alright?" He wagered, running under the net and situating himself on his
side of the court.
"Alright." I agreed, gripping the green ball in my hand.
"Do you know what she said to me after we met the first time?" He asked, his
mouth turned up in a grin.
"What?" I asked, throwing the ball into the air. "Service!" I called, hitting
the tennis ball over the net.
"She said," he hit the ball back over gracefully, "that it didn't matter who I
was or what I identified with-" I backhanded the ball over the net, "Because
that didn't matter. All she cares about was that-" the ball ricocheted back
into my court, "I knew how to play tennis."
"Yeah, but you're my tennis instructor." I sighed, lightly hitting the ball in
hopes of only hitting it over the net slightly. "I'm her son."
Our session soon came to a close, and I ran over to the net to give Harry a
quick hug before exiting the court and making my way back to the table where my
mother sat. She hadn't moved the entire time since we had gotten here, but
sometime between now and when I had began my session, she had acquired a cup of
coffee.
I sat down beside her, smoothing out my skirt and putting my equipment back
into the bag before pulling out my camera. I adjusted my white visor, then
looked back over to my mother. She stared longingly over at Tyler and his
father in court number three. I bit my lip, and glanced over myself, staring at
the father and son, hitting the ball back and forth so effortlessly. Both were
dressed in white pants, but instead of just wearing a polo shirt like his son,
Mr. Lester had added a cream colored sweater.
"You should take a picture," Mom suggested, "It'll last longer." I could hear
the smirk in her voice as she spoke.
"Fine. Maybe I will." I replied indignantly, picking up my Polaroid and opening
the view-finder once again. I focused, then snapped the shot, letting out a
loud noise as the picture was taken. The film slowly pushed instead out, and I
waved it around as it began the tediously long journey of processing. She let
out a laugh, making me smile. "There you go." I chuckled back, a smile on my
lips.
"Don't look now, but Tyler is looking over here." She squealed suddenly, but
then let out a gasp as well. "Daniel, they're coming over!"
"Seriously?" I panicked, readjusting my dress and tucking away the developing
picture underneath the camera. I looked down, but I could hear the light
pounding of two sets of feet as the father and son jogged over to our table.
"Hello!" Tyler greeted as he and his father came to a stop beside us.
"Good afternoon, Boys!" My mom smiled, the sun reflecting off of her shiny red
lips as she greeted the father and son.
"Daniel!" The older acknowledged me casually, making me look away as a blush
spread over my face. "How are you doing, Marsha?" Tyler's dad asked with a
grin, stepping beside his son. He wasn't that old, only in his late thirties,
which was about the same age as my mom. He was a little taller than his son,
and was sporting a bit of stubble. My mom was head-over-heels for him.
"As well as I can be." She answered, taking a sip of her coffee. "Would you
like to have a seat?" She asked politely.
"I suppose a few minutes wouldn't hurt." He smiled, pulling out a seat beside
my mom. "Sit down beside Daniel, Tyler." He directed, sitting down and scooting
up to the table.
Tyler sat down beside me, a devilish smirk plastered on his face as he stared
into my eyes. I looked away with a blush, fiddling with the hem of my skirt
absentmindedly. "How are you?" He asked quietly so only I could hear.
"Adequate." I answered honestly, looking back up to meet his brown eyes.
He chuckled, running a hand back through his black hair. "You don't hear that
as a response very often."
"I'm not a person who likes to be usual." I responded, lightly laughing.
"My Pa says that it's good thing to be unusual, because being normal will
eventually lead to sadness." He remarked, sitting up a bit in his chair. "He
also likes David Bowie, so I guess he is pretty unusual himself. You two would
probably get along really well."
"Do you mean that? Truly?" I questioned, taking in a sharp breath.
"Of course!" He replied, leaning in closely to me. "Would I ever tell you a
lie, Ziggy Stardust?"
I simply giggled, deciding to ignore the last comment, for a reason that made
me a bit uncomfortable. He may not ever lie to me, but constantly lying to him
had my gut doing somersaults. There was just something about it that made me
want to curl up into a ball and die.
"- wouldn't that be lovely, Daniel?" My mother finished her sentence.
I looked back up, eyes large. "I'm sorry, but could you repeat that, please?"
"Of course, Dear." She smiled, bringing her hand up to rest on my shoulder. "I
was just trying to persuade this stubborn man and his son to come to our house
for dinner next week!"
"Oh," I smiled, my face lighting up, "That would be incredibly wonderful!"
"I'd love to." Tyler beamed, looking to his father. "Can we, Pa?" He asked
hopefully.
"I - I don't know..." Tyler's father stuttered, rubbing at the back of his neck
subconsciously.
"Please?" My mom begged, folding her hands and bringing them up to her mouth.
"We would love for you to join us!"
"Okay." He agreed finally, a smile slowly spreading across his face.
"Thank you." She squealed, pulling a pen from her white clutch purse. "Here's
our address!" She said, hurriedly scribbling it down on our reservation card.
"We look forward to seeing you..." She blushed, handing the card to him and
picking her things back up.
"As do we!" He replied, standing and motioning for Tyler to do the same.
"Good-bye, Daniel." Tyler called, walking after his father who had wandered off
toward the fancy locker rooms.
"I'll see you in school." I said back, standing as well and picking my bag up
from the table. I reached down and plucked up my camera. I slipped the
photograph into the front pocket of my duffel, then trailed along to catch up
with my mother.
"We'll need to go shopping this week." My mother stated as I caught up to her
at the bottom of the staircase.
"Why?" I asked, following behind her.
"We're going to get you some new dresses of course!" She exclaimed, shaking her
head at me like I was dense. "I assume you'll be wanting to look fabulous for
Tyler when he and his father come over."
"Mom!" I spluttered, walking beside her as she stepped onto the balcony.
"What?" She laughed, swinging her arms. "I've always wanted to take you on a
proper shopping trip! We're hitting every upscale boutique from here to the
city limits!"
***** September 20, 1976 *****
Monday
The bell rang and I ran out of the classroom. "Excuse me!" I called, pushing a
girl who was kissing her boyfriend into the wall as I jogged by. Screams to
watch where I was going echoed after me as I sprinted down the halls and out
into lobby of the school. They had just posted the sign-up sheets for
cheerleading, and I was determined to have my name up on the list. There were
only a few spots open this year, and with it being my last year in high school,
I desperately wanted to be on the squad.
A group of freshmen girls stood around the trophy case where the sheets were
always posted. Three of them chattered excitedly, while two others were waiting
behind a sophomore who was signing her name onto the white sheet. "Senior
privilege!" I cried, pushing my way through the girls and stealing the pen from
the one's hand. Several high pitched cries were heard as I signed my name on a
slot, then turned away, running once more, but this time, I was headed for the
parking lot.
I was winded, but I flung open the door to my car, threw in my backpack, and
started my favorite part of the day. I took out a solid black photo album from
my open backpack, and shook it, letting the pictures fall out. Then, I sat,
staring at my Polaroids in the driver's seat of my grandmother's 1965 station-
wagon. It looked like a pile of crap compared to my mom's baby blue Buick, but
it got me from place to place, and it felt homey and warm. It was my first car,
and to my mother's amazement, and mine quite frankly, I hadn't had a single
accident since I was gifted it two years ago. Photographs were splayed across
the passenger's seat and I held two in my hands against the steering wheel,
admiring film that couldn't compare to real life.
"Dan!" Someone called from across the parking lot.
I looked up in surprise, only to find Tyler jogging to my car. I panicked,
throwing my photos onto the passengers side and putting my bag over them. "H-
Hey!" I stuttered as he approached.
"I heard you got a bit aggressive while signing up for cheerleading." He
teased, hitting the top of my car with his arm covered in his letterman jacket.
He leaned down, his head popping in my open window, a grin on his face. "We
football players need a little aggression. It gets us pumped." He commented,
staring into my eyes.
"I'm glad I get a chance to offer that to the squad." I laughed breathlessly,
just wanting him to leave.
"Great...so, I'll see you later. I'm actually really excited for Sunday." He
admitted, laughing while backing away from my window. "Bye." He smiled, running
back across the parking lot to his football buddies.
I sighed, putting a protective hand on my backpack. That was way too close.
***** September 21, 1976 *****
Tuesday
I finished off my flip with jazz hands, making a few of the girls in the
bleachers laugh. We were inside the gym, trying out for the cheer squad. The
basketball hoops were lowered, and sunlight poured in through high windows
close to the ceiling of the gym.
"Alright Howell, here's the deal," the coach presented, hands steepled. "We
only have female uniforms. Are you okay with wearing one?" The intimidating
cheer coach named Miss Robert demanded, leaning back in her chair and quirking
her eyebrow. Apparently the woman hadn't anticipated that I would make it this
far into the try-outs without dropping out.
"Of course, Miss!" I replied, clapping my hands at the thought. I wanted to
wear the pretty blue and white uniform of the prep school that I attended.
"Okay." She stated, looking down at the clipboard in her hands. "You've made
the team."
"Thank you so much!" I cheered, running up to her. A collective groan could be
heard from the bleachers, but I just smiled. Nothing could bring me down.
She held out a single key. "Your cheer locker is number thirteen inside of my
office. There's a uniform inside. Go try it on, then come back into the gym,
and we can see how well you do in a skirt."
I ran to her office on the other side of the gym, carefully weaving my way
through the throngs of sports teams huddled into groups. They were already
picked, and were going over game plans for the first games of the season. As I
passed the group of football players, Tyler caught my eye.
He motioned me over with a simple gesture. "Did you make the team?" He asked
when I had gotten within earshot.
"Yep!" I squealed, jumping a few inches into the air.
"That's great!" He smiled, ignoring the daggers his teammates and coach were
glaring into his back. "I knew you could do it."
"Thanks, Tyler." I blushed, scurrying off to Miss Robert's office. I opened the
heavy door, then scanned one of the locker covered walls for locker thirteen.
Once I found it, I unlocked it with the key, and opened it to see what it held.
There were two shelves, both empty, but it the center of the locker hung my
cheerleading uniform on a single hook. It was beautiful. I closed the door of
the office, then stripped down to my panties. I took the uniform off of the
hook, and smiled when I saw it had a built in body liner under the skirt. I
changed into it, breathing a sigh of relief when it fit. The skirt was shorter
than the rest of the girls since I was about almost 5' 10", and the rest of the
girls were around 5' 5", but all around it fit quite nicely.
I exited the office, clothes safely tucked into the gym locker, and made my way
back to where the try-outs were being held. I jogged over to Miss Robert, who
smiled and told me I looked lovely. I did a few flips and things in the skirt
before sitting down in the bleachers beside a few giggling girls. After a few
more girls auditioned, Miss Robert called it a night, and told us who had been
accepted to wear our uniforms home so we had a spare, albeit dirty, pair of
back-up clothes to wear.
The others hurdled off of the bleachers, eager to go home, except for two other
seniors, girls, who moved down a few benched to sit closer to me. "You're the
first boy to ever get onto the team." One commented, flipping her extremely
long hair back. She had a pair of golden hoops in her ears and her nails were
painted a hot pink.
"Yeah, that's a real accomplishment, dude!" Reiterated the second, who's skin
was fairly lighter with brown hair tied up into a messy bun.
Both girls wore uniforms, but neither had tried out. They must have been on the
squad last year, or else they wouldn't have had any access to the expensive
scraps of material.
"Dan." I stated, holding out my hand. "You two are?"
Nail and earring girl firmly grasped my hand with her own. "Lilly Singh, but
you may call me superwoman if you wish."
I shook her hand, then turned to the other girl. She seemed bubbly, and
enthusiastically stuck out her hand to shake mine. "I'm pleased to make your
acquaintance. My name is Zoe."
"Hey Daniel!" A deep voice called. I looked up just in time to see Tyler hop up
onto the bleachers beside us as the rest of the football team quickly
disbanded. "Lilly, Zoe." He greeted the girls. "I'm really excited about
Sunday." He repeated, then jumped back off of the bleachers. "I'll see you
later, Daniel!"
"Sunday? What are you guys doing Sunday?" Zoe questioned, leaning toward me.
"Are you guys a thing? Lilly, I bet you thirty dollars Dan wants them to be a
thing!" The girl chattered.
"Looks like you just lost thirty bucks." I stated calmly, standing up and
making my way off of the bleachers.
I made my way all the way to the doors of the gym before I could hear Lilly
yell, "See you tomorrow!"
Oh what fun.
***** September 22, 1976 *****
Wednesday
I couldn't pay attention.
His eyes were on my back and I knew it. 'The Sex Pistols' was scribbled on my
notebook inside of a heart, and I filled the rest of the margins on my paper
with meaningless doodles. The notes from the projector were too fuzzy to read,
so I gave up trying to take them and settled with fidgeting in my seat and
nibbling on my pen between drawings.
I tapped my feet quietly, then chanced a look at the clock. With a whispered
curse I deemed that we still had a good fifteen minutes until class was over,
and if next period was anything but lunch, I probably wouldn't have been able
to deal with it. I would have packed up my shit and went home.
"Psst!" Someone hissed behind me. Assuming it wasn't meant for me, I stayed
facing the front, giving the other person no reaction. "Daniel!" They
whispered.
That got my attention. I only turned my head, but I was met with Tyler sending
me a signature smirk from behind me. "Yes?" I whispered, a blush spreading over
my cheeks. "What do you want?"
"I'm just...really excited, and I also wanted to give you something." He
mumbled, turning his head down and rubbing the back of his neck. He handed me a
small felt box that looked like it had come from the jewelers. "Don't open it
until lunch, though."
"Thanks, I am too." I muttered. I blushed harder, taking the gift from his
hands then turning back around.
"Tyler and Mr. Howell? Is there a problem?" Our teacher's nasally voice
questioned from the front of the room. With being so old, I was surprised he
was still able to hear us. Given his age, I was surprised he was still
teaching, actually.
"Nope! No problem!" Tyler answered back quickly, flashing him a smile.
"Then I suggest that the both of you pay attention." He grumbled, turning back
to the board where he stood reading things from the projector.
I sat through the rest of the class in anticipation, but the distraction of
having something to look forward to definitely made the time go faster. I
jumped when the bell rang, not noticing I had spaced out. I gathered my things
quickly, then ran into the hallway, the black box in hand.
I ran down the hall to the usually empty art block. I looked around to see if
anyone was watching me, then cautiously opened the little black box. I reached
inside, and my eyes went wide at what it contained. I pulled out a large,
chunky silver ring. A green gem was held in the center of it and the words 'nos
vero pugnabimus' were etched into the sides. A small 'H' was engraved in the
gem, directly above the number 1956. A small piece of notebook paper was tucked
inside of the lid of the box, so I carefully pried it out with a fingernail. I
unfolded the paper, then began to read the note that was sloppily written in
cursive with a blue ink pen.
'Dear Daniel,
This ring once belonged to a girl whom my father used to love. They were
supposed to be together forever, but she left him for another man in '59 after
I was born. Yes, she was my mother, but neither of us have feelings for her any
longer. I was searching for a present to give you when I came across it, and my
father even suggested that I give it to you. Her name was Hannah, but I thought
you could still wear it for your last name. If you'd like to give it back, I
understand, but I'd love for you to keep it. Also, since I'm too much of a
coward to ask in real life, I was wondering if you would be my boyfriend? We'd
need to keep it a secret, but we could still do things outside of school! I've
pinned over you since eighth grade, and if you would want to have a
relationship with me, please call me later tomorrow around 9, as my father and
I will be playing tennis at the country club. You understand why I won't be
able to talk to you too much at school, right? I hope to hear from you!
With much affection,
Tyler'
My eyes widened as I read the letter, and tears threatened to spill over. No!
This was not how it was supposed to go! But, the ring was something expensive,
plus his father had even made the suggestion.
After a few moments of thought, I plucked the ring from its place in the sea of
black velvet, then carefully twisted it onto my finger. Perfect. It fit
perfectly. I gasped at the cool feeling of the metal, and began to examine it.
I took into account how it looked on my finger and decided it looked quite
nice. Maybe wearing it wouldn't be so bad after all.
The day passed quickly after the ring, and after a few more classes and a
grueling cheer practice, I soon found myself sweaty and exhausted in the front
seat of my car. There were only a few other cars in the parking lot, so I
decided it would be alright to just sit in my car for a few minutes. I leaned
back in my seat, then pulled the black box from my bag. I was about to admire
the ring once more, but threw down the box and sat back up when I heard the
all-too familiar voice of Lilly calling to me.
"Daniel!"
I closed my eyes and sighed. I really did not want to talk to her. I forced
myself to smile, then stuck my head out of the window. "Hey!" I said with fake
enthusiasm.
She hurried over to me and pulled a piece of paper out of her bag. "Dan, I just
wanted to say that I'm sorry about Zoe." She apologized.
Oh. I wasn't expecting that.
"I know she can get a little over-excited sometimes, but I love her, and I'm
sorry about her chatting your ear off...and I'm sorry about pestering you about
Tyler." She looked guilty, staring anywhere except for me.
"It's okay." I said, surprising myself.
Her eyes lit up. "Thank you for accepting my apology...I would have felt awful
if you hadn't." She smiled, tilting her head up and looking back at me. "Oh,
um, here!" She muttered, handing me the paper she had taken from her bag. "Zoe
and I go up to the bathroom on the third floor during lunch...I would like to
give her an opportunity to apologize herself." She handed the paper to me.
"This is just an, uh, reminder to come up sometime this week."
"Thanks." I said coolly, taking the paper from her hand and setting it on my
dash. "I have to go, but I'll see you tomorrow." I promised, starting up the
car and making her jump.
"Of course!" She smiled, backing away from the car. "See you!"
***** September 23, 1976 *****
Thursday
I took the car out of gear and pulled out of my space. Today's cheer practice
had been tiring, but it was nothing too bad. As I drove around to the exit of
the school, I pulled the black box from the center console. I pried the note
from inside and unfolded it, rereading every word to make sure I had the times
correct. Tennis at the country club until 9. This was my chance.
I exited the school parking lot and pulled out onto the road before reaching
for the car phone installed next to the radio. I picked it up and waited to
speak to the operator.
"Hello! What can I do for you today?" I chirpy voice asked as the call went
through.
"Hello," I started cheerfully, "could you please put me through to the
residence of Marsha Howell?"
"Of course!" The voice responded. "One moment."
The telephone began to ring again, and after a few moments, my mother picked up
the phone. "Hello!"
"Hey, Mom!" I greeted.
"Daniel?" She asked, puzzled to why I was calling.
"Hello, I just wanted to ask if I could go to my friend Lilly's house for a few
hours? Mrs. Pattinson gave out an assignment on the quadratic formula and Lilly
from cheerleading offered to help me." I questioned, trying my best to sound
needy.
"Of course, Dear!" She replied instantly, probably relieved about my sudden
interest in going around to another person's home.
"I'll be home by nine at the latest!" I promised into the phone.
"Don't worry about curfew! I love you!" She chuckled, then hung up.
"Love you too." I muttered to myself as I hung up the phone.
I glanced at my watch instead of the built in clock in the car since it was
more accurate, and deemed it was a little too early to head over to the country
club. I checked the glove box, and sighed as I realized I didn't have any
electrical tape, then made a quick stop at a little hardware store to buy it.
It was only 6:40, so I had another hour at least until they would be done, so I
decided to drive on over to a little fish and chips restaurant that was only a
few blocks away from the main country club where I could eat dinner and keep an
eye on the clock.
I parked my car in the little parking lot and walked up to the building and
pulled open the door. I stepped in and was immediately greeted by the smell of
frying oil. It was nice. If my mom found out I was eating anything this
saturated in grease, she would have had ten fits at least.
I approached the counter and ordered a basket from the overly-friendly cashier
who called me sweetheart. She quickly got to work on my order, and it was ready
in less time than I was expecting. I paid and took my food to a small booth
overlooking the country club's golf course.
After over an hour of munching my food, I finally decided to leave the small
restaurant, instead favoring the worn down upholstery of my car. I glanced at
my watch and saw the time was nearing eight, so I decided to head down to the
parking lot behind the tennis courts before the two men would go off to take a
shower. Once I had arrived, I reached into the backseat and pulled out a large
black jacket I kept incase I got cold. I unzipped my backpack and pulled out my
camera, then placed the bag back down on the floor. I took the little black
roll of tape from the small brown paper bag it had come in, then held it in my
mouth.
I opened my door and stepped out of the car, camera tucked inside of the large
pocket in the front of my sweatshirt. I slammed the door shut and took the tape
from my mouth and put it in my pocket, then took a look around, assessing my
surroundings. There were trees encompassing the entire club, and I could hear
faint laughter and conversation floating over the white picket fence
surrounding the tennis courts. I approached the fence, and peeked my head over
it ever so slightly, trying to get a good look at who was still playing. A few
couples were spread out over the various courts, and two people were packing up
their things. I squinted, and determined with a grin that it was Tyler and his
father.
I sprinted towards the country club's bath house, determined to get there
before them. I whirled across the green grass, scrambling to get to the
building. Once I arrived, I ran my fingers over the cool brick, and tried to
steady my breathing. I opened the door and was greeted with a puff of steam
coming from the showers. I hurried inside, and chose a pristine spot to hide
out. I set up in the second to last shower stall, to the back left of the
changing area. It had an 'out of order' sign hanging over it, and was slightly
hidden by a small black wall that acted as a divider, but I could see out
perfectly. Steam from various showers poured out into the room, and the noise
of water splashing onto the tile would mask the whirring noise of my camera. I
pulled the shower curtain over the shower entrance, then poked my head out of
the other side. Luckily, everyone showered towards the front, not wanting to
come to the back.
I could hear the sound of the door to the building open and slam shut. I took
in a deep breath as I watched the two peel off their shirts and lay them down
on a bench in the back of the room near me. Two or three other men were in the
room, but all of them were in the very front, and they hurried to leave as soon
as possible.
I brought my camera and the tape from my pocket. I tore a small piece off and
placed it over the flash. Without worrying about being too quiet in the noisy
room, I took off the bulky black jacket I been wearing, leaving me in my
athletic shorts that went to my mid-thigh and my short sleeve gym shirt. I
heard a hearty laugh, then decided it was time to snap some photos.
I cautiously peeked out from behind the shower curtain. Both of them were in my
line of vision, and I set up my camera. After a few good shots, I licked my
lips, deeming all of the photos taken respectable, and waited silently for more
excellent opportunities to snap a few good shots.
I watched them both strip to their boxers from behind the curtain, my breath
hitching as I saw the expanse of pale skin that was always hidden underneath a
shirt. I gripped my camera tightly, willing myself not to drop it as my arms
turned to noodles. I turned the viewfinder on my target, and snapped a few more
photos before deciding it was time to stop taking pictures and leave the
premises. I pulled the jacket back on and collected my items, including the
slowly developing film, then put them back inside of the pocket. I shielded my
face by pulling the jacket's hood over my eyes, and opened the shower curtain
quietly. Without as much as a sound, I exited the building, my face down and my
steps quiet.
I hurried back to my car, but along the way I noticed the changing colours of
the sky. I paused, pulling the camera from my pocket and taking a quick
snapshot before continuing on. Once I reached my car, I pulled off the hood and
flopped down into the drivers seat. I spread the half-blank pictures out on the
seat beside, then set the rest of my things down on the floor. I checked my
watch, then decided it would be best to leave altogether and head home.
As I pulled out of the club's private drive, I grabbed the car phone from its
place. It rang a few times before the operator picked up, and I quickly
redirected my call to Tyler's house.
"Hello?" A kind voice asked, worn down, but pleasant with time. I assumed it
was their maid.
"Hello, my name is Daniel Howell. Is Tyler available?" I asked, knowing full-
well that he was still at the country club.
"I'm afraid he's out at the moment, but I could take a message." The woman said
sweetly.
"That would be wonderful! Could you please tell him that I need some time to
think about his, umm, proposition?" I asked, thinking over my words as I
considered what he actually wanted.
"Of course, Dear. Have a nice night!" She said before hanging up the phone.
I hung my phone back on the hook. I couldn't believe Tyler actually wanted me
to be his boyfriend, even though it would be secret. But in all honesty, being
kept a secret in that situation wasn't something I wanted.
***** September 24, 1976 *****
Friday
I climbed the stairs to the third floor cautiously. There were rumors about all
kinds of bad things that happened here. As I got to the landing, I looked
around, surprised at the crowd who had joined this overt club above the school.
I searched around for the restrooms, and soon enough, I was standing before a
dingy sign that read 'Women's' in big bold print. I gathered my courage, then
left a simple knock on the dirty grey door.
A few seconds later, the door creaked open, and Zoe jumped out. "Dan!" She
squealed, taking me into a hug. "I just wanted to say how sorry I am! I had no
right to dig around in your business!" She apologized, pulling away from me. As
she let go, I began to smell something floating out of the restroom.
"What the hell is that?" I asked, sniffing the air.
"It's just a little cannabis!" She giggled, pulling me into the bathroom with
her.
"You brought marijuana with you to school?" I cried, stepping away from her
after she let go of me.
"It's not mine!" She assured. "One of the football players got it from his
uncle!"
"Dan!" Lilly squealed. "You made it!"
"Yeah, and you brought weed!" I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest and
stomping a foot.
"Just a little weed..." She trailed off, holding one arm behind her back.
"Are you seriously smoking a freaking joint?" I questioned, unbelieving.
She moved her hand back into view. "Maybe..." A joint was tucked between her
second and third finger, smoke still curling from the end.
"Lilly!" I yelled. "How could you ever possibly think that this was a good
idea?"
"What? You need to loosen up, Daniel." She chastised, taking a drag.
"No. I'm not a freaking hippie."
"Come on!" She persuaded. "I know you want to!" She held the joint out to me.
I looked at the joint, then back up at Lilly's eyes. It couldn't be that bad.
Could it? I hesitantly took it from her, my hand shaking, and brought it up to
my mouth. I inhaled, then immediately started to cough.
I bent over, hacking. I held the joint back out to Lilly, who carefully grabbed
it before it could drop onto the floor. "No thanks." I wheezed.
"First time?" She asked, taking in another drag before passing the joint to
Zoe.
"Yeah." I answered, finally getting my breath back.
"I was just like you my first time." She replied, jumping up to sit on the
counter of the sink. "Except I think I was getting it on with John Pepperknick
in his attic."
"Oh my God! John Pepperknick?" I gasped in disbelief. "He graduated two years
ago!"
"I know..." She sighed, taking the joint back from Zoe. "I was 15 and I was on
my period, so I wanted to do it all the time -"
"Geez Louise, Lilly!" I laughed, cutting her off. I wasn't really interested in
the details of having period sex.
"Do you want to try again?" She asked, holding the joint out to me.
"I don't know..."
"Daniel." She said firmly, shoving it into my hand after tapping away some of
the ash into one of the grimy sinks. "Just inhale for a few seconds, then let
it out." She instructed, then leaned back against the large mirror above the
sinks.
I hesitantly put the joint to my lips, taking in a breath of smoke for a few
seconds. I resisted the urge to cough, then slowly let the smoke out through my
mouth.
"You did it!" Zoe giggled, clapping her hands together slowly.
Another joint and twenty minutes later, I was feeling a little giggly myself. I
laughed and leaned back against the wall beside the sink. "Isn't class in like,
five minutes?" I asked, not really caring.
"Yeah." Lilly replied, before letting out a gasp as Zoe ripped the freshly
rolled joint out from between her fingers. "Hey!" She protested as the other
girl took a drag.
"You were hogging it!" Zoe shrugged, putting it up to her lips and turning away
from Lilly as she tried the take it back.
"I don't want to go to class." I stated, watching two girls bicker.
"Stay with us then." Zoe mumbled, finally relenting and giving the joint back
to Lilly. "We skip all the time."
My eyes went wide at their suggestion. "I can't." I protested, albeit lacking
any conviction whatsoever. "My mom will skin me."
"It's fine! She'll never know." Lilly assured me, puffing out a few smoke
rings. "Unless you skip all the time to spy on cute guys or whatever. If you do
that consistently enough, I'm pretty sure they'll call your parents then."
"This is my first time." I admitted, taking the joint from Lilly and slipping
it in between my lips. "I don't spend too much time at school looking at cute
boys."
"Then where do you look for cute boys?" Lilly asked, pouting as I handed the
joint to Zoe before her.
"The country club, the supermarket, football games, even at the town pool." I
admitted. "I only look for one cute boy though."
"Who is he?" Zoe grilled, forgetting her earlier promise of not getting in my
business.
"You must promise not to tell." I said sternly, pulling my bag from the dirty
ground and pulling out the Polaroids.
"Cross my heart!" Lilly swore.
"I do too!" Zoe promised, nodding solemnly.
"Okay..." I relented, fanning out the pictures in my hands, then flipping them
around for the girls to see. The bell rang, but we all ignored it.
"Wait..." Zoe began, her eyes bugging, "Isn't that Tyler's dad?"
I nodded, biting my lip and looking away. "Yeah..."
"How'd you get such great pictures? He didn't know you were taking these, did
he?" Lilly asked, leaning closer to examine the photos.
"No." I said truthfully. "I have more at home too, but you can look at these if
you want." I handed Lilly a few photos from what I had in my hand, putting my
favorites back into my bag. Zoe leaned in to Lilly, wanting to see them
herself.
"This goes beyond obsession..." Lilly whispered. Zoe nodded in agreement, then
proceeded to roll another joint.
I took the lighter from the counter and took the freshly rolled joint from Zoe
before setting it alight. "I've realized." I sighed, bringing it up to my lips.
***** September 25, 1976 *****
Saturday
"This dress is beautiful!" My mother cooed from behind me in the small changing
cubicle.
"I don't know..." I trailed off, lightly skimming my fingers over the sky blue
taffeta material. "It doesn't feel right." I murmured, pulling at the gapping
hole that was created by the material in the chest that was supposed to fit
over cleavage.
"We can get that tailored!" She argued, admiring the dress.
"Really?" I asked in disbelief.
"Sure! It wouldn't take much! I know a woman who could probably take the chest
in. It would only take her an hour!" She exclaimed, coming up beside me and
putting her arm around my shoulders. "You really do look like me, don't you?"
She asked quietly, staring at our reflection.
"That's what people say." I muttered back. But not as alike as I'd like.
"Come on." She sniffed after a pause, moving behind me. "Let's get you out of
this, then we'll go visit my friend." She unzipped the back and helped me step
out of the flowing dress.
I changed back into my regular clothes quickly, then exited the small room, my
mom in tow. We payed for the dress, then walked back to her car. We drove
around town to her "friend's" house. Finally, we came across a small brick
house with a sign that advertised tailoring and dry cleaning. We parked
outside, then entered the building, dress in hand.
"Welcome to A Stitch in Time, I'll be with you in a moment." A voice stated
from behind a large desk beside the door as soon as we entered.
"Well, that's no way to greet the woman partially responsible for your
existence, now is it?" My mom snorted, crossing her arms over her chest and
smiling at the desk.
"Aunt Marsha?" The voice exclaimed, a blonde head appearing from behind the
desk.
"Hello, Jenny!" My mom greeted her, moving closer to the desk. "How's Sheila?"
"Mom's good! How've you been?" The girl, Jenny, asked, leaning over to give her
a hug. I stood back, letting them exchange pleasantries and holding my dress
off the floor.
"Anyway, this is your cousin, Dan." She introduced me.
I gave a small little wave and mumbled out a 'hello.'
"So, what do you need done? I hardly think that this is just a visit." Jenny
asked, coming around the desk to reveal a short red dress cloaking her petite
frame.
"Well, Dan really likes this dress, but it's too big in the chest." My mom
explained, which made me look away in embarrassment.
"Alright, let's get you measured!" Jenny said cheerfully, gently turning me and
pushing me towards a curtain in the back of the front room. "Strip down to
boxers or whatever, then put on the dress and come back out!" She ordered, then
turned to talk to my mom.
I did as she said, even making the effort to fold my clothes, then slipped on
the dress. I stepped out from behind the curtain and stepped toward my mom, who
gladly zipped up the back.
After being stabbed with needles, strangled with measuring tape, and suffocated
with layers of fabric, Jenny finally got enough measurements to be able to take
in the chest. I changed back into my regular clothes, and we left the dress
with Jenny, promising to come pick it up in a few hours.
"Where do you want to go for a few hours?" My mother asked as we stepped out of
he shop and into the parking lot.
"I don't know." I hummed. "Where do you want to go?"
"Well, I need to swing by the cosmetics store to pick up some lipstick, then we
could go out for lunch?" She suggested as we reached the car.
"Lovely." I agreed, opening my door and getting into the car.
After a wonderful lunch, a sweep through the aisles of a high-class makeup
boutique, and a second trying on of the now well fitting dress, we were back at
home.
"Here," My mom began, digging around in her purse, "can you throw this away for
me when you get inside?" She asked, holding out a tube of red lipstick.
"What's wrong with it?" I asked, taking the tube gently into my hands.
"Nothing really, but I bought an entire tube of it in a better color." She
answered, collecting her things from around the car.
"Okay." I smiled, slipping the lipstick into my pocket.
***** September 26, 1976 *****
Sunday
"They'll be here soon, Daniel!" My mother called to me from downstairs.
"Alright!" I yelled back down, doing one more twirl in the dress before moving
to my mirror. I had practiced the night before, and I grabbed the lipstick from
where I had placed it on the stand under the mirror.
I uncapped the tube, and took in a breath before looking into the mirror
confidently. I puckered my lips slightly, and applied the lipstick in a few
quick strokes. It looked good, and I gave myself a kiss in the mirror before I
blotted my lips on a tissue. With one last look in the mirror, I turned and
went out of my room.
The doorbell rang, and from my place on the staircase, I watched as my mom
opened the door. I made my way down the stairs, clutching the rail due to
nervousness, and gave Tyler a small smile as he stepped into our entrance hall.
"Hello, Tyler. Welcome, Philip." My mom blushed.
I scowled a bit, but managed to keep myself together.
"Thank you for having us over, and please, call me Phil." Mr. Lester smiled one
of his sunshine smiles, the ones that could light up entire rooms.
"Of course, Phil." She apologized, grinning back.
"Hey, Daniel." Tyler greeted me quietly as my foot hit the final step.
"Hey." I said simply, not meeting his eyes.
"You look...stunning." He complimented me, running a hand through his hair as
he lightly looked me over.
"Thanks." I said, shifting my feet and feeling slightly uncomfortable.
"Well, what do you say we head into the dining room?" My mom asked cheerfully,
alleviating the tense silence.
"Wonderful idea!" Phil replied, his deep voice echoing slightly.
Tyler and I followed our parents to the dining room, except instead of sitting
right down, my mother and I brought out some of the dishes we had made earlier
in the day.
The table was set with our best china that mother had recieved when she and my
father had gotten married quite some time ago. Though, unlike the plates and
cups, my parents love crumbled after only three years, and they got a divorce
almost a month before my mother found out that she was pregnant with me. I grew
up without really knowing my father, but that was fine with me. From what my
mother and grandparents told me, he was a lying dirtbag. But he was also how
mother and I lived so well. They had had a prenup, back when they thought that
they could never fall out of love, and over two-thirds of his possessions where
legally hers.
He was a rich man with rich parents, used to living in luxury with fancy cars
in a nice house with his trophy wife. It was a shock, according to my mother at
least, that he followed through with the divorce rather quietly and chose to
give up lots of expensive things rather than cause a fuss and draw attention to
his failed marriage. He sent me a card with a check for the amount in hundreds
that I was turning on my birthday, and always sent mom and I a gift for
Christmas, even though he knew we were bloody rolling in money as well. When I
was seven, my mom told me that he had taken over my grandfather's business and
had even started his own company. And though my mother tried to hide him from
me, I had found his picture in a business magazine two years ago, standing
beside a pretty blonde woman and two boys who couldn't have been older than
five or six. He had moved on, and so had my mother, which was why she had
invited the Lesters over for dinner.
Potatoes, a chicken, carrots, corn, and rolls were spread out on the table,
making my mouth water. My mother told us to go ahead and start, which prompted
Tyler to pick up the potatoes in front of him and place a dollop on his plate.
He locked eyes with me and passed them to me from across the table. I blushed
and looked away after accepting the bowl and putting a smaller portion on my
plate. The pattern continued with the rest of the food until everything had
been passed around.
We ate with casual chatter, conversating between bites and chuckling after sips
of water. I found myself staring at Phil as he ate, watching his jaw move up
and down as he chewed. Tyler seemed a bit more interested in the food than he
was with me, so it was alright. Phil looked over to me, and gestured to his
cheek subtly. I grabbed my napkin and hastily wiped the mashed potatoes from
the corner of my mouth. Once I placed the napkin back in my lap, I looked back
over to Phil who sent me a wink. I blushed, and stared at my lap for the rest
of the meal.
"Daniel?" My mother hummed, pulling me from my thoughts.
"Yes?" I replied, looking up from my lap. My cheeks were still a bit red from
the embarrassing moment earlier.
"Why don't you go get your camera and take a photo of us? Then we can remember
tonight." She suggested in a tone that I knew meant more than just suggestion.
It was an order.
"Of course!" I muttered hurriedly, excusing myself from the table and running
upstairs and grabbing my camera from my bedside table. I rushed quickly back
down, my skirt twirling with the speed, only to find my mother standing beside
Phil, chatting him up. Tyler looked slightly uncomfortable, and I shot him a
look of pity.
"Okay, guys! Just," I motioned them closer with my hands, "Get together,
alright?"
Tyler scooted his chair closer to his father, and my mom came around behind
them, standing between their chairs. She placed her hand possessively on Phil's
shoulder, and leaned in slightly towards the camera.
"Say cheese, I guess." I said quietly, before holding up my camera and taking
the perfect shot. I waited for the film to spit out, then, before they could
move, held up my camera again. "I'll take two more, one for you, Mr. Lester,
and an extra in case one turns out blurry." I explained, repeating my earlier
process.
"Thank you, Dear." My mother smiled, moving away from Phil and taking one of
the developing photos from my hands.
"Mom -" I began but only sighed when it was too late. She had already touched
the developing picture, leaving fingerprints on it.
"What?" She asked indignantly, not realizing her error.
"You can't touch the film while it develops." I sighed.
"Oh..." She said quietly.
"It's okay though." I tried to assure her. "The other two look like they'll
come out fine."
"See!" Phil smiled, getting up from his chair and putting a comforting hand on
my mother's shoulder. "Everything is fine, Marsha! No need to worry."
My insides boiled at his gesture. I hated how infatuated he was with her. Tears
prickled at the corners of my eyes, but I blinked them back. I saw that the
pictures were mostly developed, so I handed one to Tyler, who still looked a
bit uncomfortable. "Here." I said gently, handing the photograph to him. "Be
careful with it."
"Don't you want Dad or your mom to take a picture with you in it?" He asked,
looking up at me with wide eyes.
"No." I answered, sighing and taking a step back. "A photographer is cursed to
never be in photos."
"Alright, whatever you say." He smiled. He looked back over to our parents, who
were still talking, then looked back to me. "Have you given my proposition any
more thought?" He questioned, standing and shoving his hands into his pockets.
"I have." I replied.
"Have you come to a conclusion?"
"Not yet." I answered, turning and setting my camera on the table.
"Why not?" He asked, getting slightly angry.
I shivered at his harsh tone. "If you're going to act like that, my answer is
just going to be no." I muttered, picking up a dish and turning back to face
him.
"I'm sorry." He apologized, running his hand through his hair.
"Cool." I said back, not caring if he was sorry or not. I was just pissed off
at the entire evening, and it was starting to show.
"Tyler?" Phil called from across the room. "I think it's time we left. You have
school tomorrow, and it's already after ten."
"Of course, Dad." He replied, then turned back to me. "I'll see you later."
"Bye." I said simply. Tomorrow was going to suck.
***** September 27, 1976 *****
Monday
I checked my hair one last time before exiting the bathroom. School let out in
five more minutes, and I was determined to waste as much of that time as
possible. I had asked to go to the bathroom ten minutes ago, and when the
teacher had let me out, we both knew that I wouldn't be coming back.
Today was a pants sort of day. I wore a pair of khakis with a bright blue
button up tucked into my pants. The outfit didn't exactly scream that I was
gay, but everyone at school already knew I was a queer and just kind of ignored
it. Unlike a lot of adults, the people at school didn't care too much about my
sexuality. To them it just wasn't their problem, and they really didn't need to
worry about it, which suited me just fine. Plus, they all knew that my mother
had enough money to hire a lawyer who would make sure they paid a heavy
penalty.
The halls were mostly empty, just a few kids were out, hanging around their
lockers. I had almost made it to mine when I voice I was trying to avoid called
out to me. "Hey, Daniel!" Tyler cried, making his way to me quickly from down
the hall. I had been admiring my photos of Phil, and they were just lying on
top of my notebook. I desperately tried to tuck them in, but my attempts were
futile as Tyler was soon upon me and accidentally knocked my books from my
hands.
"I'm sorry." I breathed, ducking down to try and hide the Polaroids as quickly
as I could.
"Let me help you with -" Tyler squatted down beside me, but suddenly went
silent. I hesitantly looked over to him, only to see him staring down at a
picture in horror. "Are these of my dad?" He asked quietly, obviously in shock.
I don't answer him, instead I gathered up all of the other photos and plucked
the picture from his hand.
"You took pictures of my dad? After all this time, I thought you liked me, but
no! You just tricked me so you could get close to my dad!" He exclaimed,
catching the attention of all of the people in the hallway.
"Tyler -" I began, but he cut me off.
"You are a disgusting whore!" He spat, jumping up and turning away from me. The
bell rang, and people flooded into the hallway, but Tyler wasn't done just yet.
"I hate you. You're a faggot tranny! I'm disgusted that you tricked me into
liking you!" He screamed.
"Tyler, please, you're causing a scene!" I pleaded with him to quiet down.
"Hey everyone!" He called, getting most of the schools attention. "Dan Howell
tricked me into sleeping with him!" Dirty looks were sent my way as a gaps went
through the crowd.
"Hey jerkfuck!" A voice called loud and clear over the commotion to Tyler. It
was Zoe, but I couldn't face her. Not like this, even if I knew it wasn't
directed at me.
"I've got to go." I muttered to the people around me and ran down the hallway,
trying to find the closest exit. I started out of one of the side doors to our
school and speed walked to my car. I got in and slammed my door shut before
locking it and setting my books on the seat beside me. We had cheer practice,
but the only thought on my mind was to get home.
Tears started to fall, but I only shoved my key into the ignition and started
my car up. I took it out of park and hurried out of the parking lot, going at
least ten miles over the speed limit. I cried hard, my tears blurring my vision
and snot running down my face. I was so happy, and then I messed everything up
with one mistake.
The phone in my car rang, making me jump, but I quickly answered it, choking
back a sob as I held it to my mouth. "Hello?" I asked quietly, then pulled my
car over into a little ditch along the side of the road.
"Daniel?" My mother questioned lightly, oblivious to my crying.
"Yes, Mom?" I asked, my voice shaking.
"I have some bad news." She began somberly. "Your grandmother is in the
hospital again."
"Oh." I replied simply.
"So, I'm already up in Reading, visiting her." She informed me. Lovely.
"Daniel, they say she's had a heart attack, and well, she isn't doing very
well."
"Oh." I repeated.
"The maid will be in tomorrow evening like always, and I expect that you can
cook for yourself for a few days. There's some money on the table for
groceries, and make sure that you buy yourself at least one vegetable." She
instructed me, not paying attention to the hollow way that I answered her.
"Okay. Now that we've got that all set, I love you, and I have to get back to
Nana." She finished brightly.
"I love you too." I said softy into the receiver, then hung up.
Now, it wasn't that I didn't care about my grandmother, because I did. I was
just very upset by the circumstances of the day, and surly you can imagine that
I was quite distressed by my personal situation with Tyler Lester. So, in that
moment, I could have cared less about Nana. Even though she was my favorite
family member, albeit, there wasn't too much competition, I couldn't really
feel much more than pity for myself.
I looked down at the steering wheel, then remembered the heavy weight that sat
on my hand. I angrily pulled the ring from my finger and threw it onto the
floor mat at my feet. I let out a scream, one fueled by anger and sadness, that
made the entire car rattle. I sat there, panting and pissed off as the feeling
of screaming wore off.
I wanted to go home.
I drove the rest of the way to my house, tears in my eyes and sobs crawling up
my throat. I pulled into our driveway, but didn't move aside from taking off my
seatbelt and turning off the ignition. I threw my head back against the head
rest and shut my eyes in an attempt to block out the world. Maybe if I just sat
and concentrated hard enough, the world would go away.
Instead of my problems melting away, the darkness only left me alone with my
thoughts. I opened my eyes again and shook my head. A shiver ran through my
body as a new revelation came to me: what if Tyler told his Dad?
I would die. Just curl up in a ball and die on the front steps. I would never
be able to look him or Tyler in the eye again, much less be able to see them
together.
I finally decided to move and reached over to grab my things from the seat
beside me. I collected my items, then opened my door and hopped out. I made my
way up the small walkway to the front door and opened it, then remembered the
ring that I had thrown onto the floor. I quickly retrieved it, then dashed back
to the open door and slammed it behind me.
***** September 28, 1976 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Tuesday
I had decided that I wasn't going to school.
I didn't skip often, and I figured that Mother would understand. I could just
make up some bull story about how I was so distraught that I didn't believe I
would be able to handle school.
I woke up before my alarm went off, so I decided to take out its batteries and
sleep in for awhile longer. I snoozed for about three more hours before waking
up officially, pulling on a baggy sweater and some short-shorts, and going
downstairs to make breakfast. I slung a small plate of toast and scrambled eggs
together, then took my breakfast into the living room to eat in front of the
television set.
I had barely turned on the television and taken a bite of my toast when the
doorbell rang. I figured it would just be the cleaning lady, so I hurriedly
sucked the butter from my fingers before wiping them on my bare leg as I ran to
get the door. I gripped the knob in my hand and opened the door, letting some
of the crisp, almost fall air filter in through the door. "Hey, sorry to keep
you-" I began, then looked up only to be silenced by shock. "Mr. Lester?" I
whispered.
"Uhmm...hello, Daniel." He greeted me awkwardly, reaching up to scratch the
back of his neck.
"What are you doing here?" I asked in a small voice, sinking back into myself.
"Tyler and I had an...umm...interesting conversation last night." He admitted
uncomfortably.
"Oh." I said simply, looking back down at my feet.
"Yeah. Oh." He repeated, his tone awkward. "Can I come in?"
"S-sure. I guess." I hesitated, then moved away from the door to let him in.
"Thank you." He said, a small smile gracing his features as he entered into the
house. "Maybe we should sit down and have a chat about this." He suggested
while he took off his jacket and placed it on the hooks that were hung beside
the door.
"Okay." I whispered, feeling my stomach drop at the word chat.
"I'm not going to bite off your head, Daniel." He assured me, gently reaching
over and patting my back as I led him to the dining room. He sat down in a
chair, and I took the one across from him. "Your mother won't be home soon,
will she?" He questioned nervously as he sat.
"No. She's staying with my grandma for a few days." I answered, clutching my
hands together and twirling my thumbs in a nervous habit.
"Oh, good." He sighed out, visibly relaxing before going silent.
A few moments passed, and he looked to be thinking about what he was trying to
say. I decided to put him out of his misery, and popped the first question. "Do
you have a romantic interest in my mother?" I asked bluntly.
"Truthfully, no." He replied, meeting my eyes.
"Then why did you -"
"I don't think you're prepared yet for me to answer that question." He stated,
his state unwavering.
"Then what do you want to talk to me about?" I asked, not letting his cool
demeanor get to me. 
"I wanted to talk to you about you and I. But you need to answer a few
questions of mine first." He replied, awkwardly fidgeting in his seat.
"Okay." I complied, crossing my arms across my chest.
"How long have you been taking pictures of me?" He questioned seriously.
"For about a year and a half, I think." I answered.
"How long have you liked me?"
"Since Tyler's sixth grade pool party." I admitted, remembering the way he had
peeled his shirt off his deliciously pale shoulders and stood up straight and
tall under the hot sun while supervising us.
"Jesus Christ." He whispered to himself, running a hand back through his hair.
"I'm sorry." I apologized, letting my eyes settle on a prominent tan swirl in
the oak table.
He remained silent, but after a few seconds, I felt a gentle pressure on my
arm. I gasped and my head shot up, only to have his face be inches from mine.
"Listen to me, Daniel." He ordered, his eyes burning with a sort of intensity I
had never seen as I looked into them. "I find you very attractive. But you need
to understand, we can't be a thing." He spilled out, his tone urgent.
"But-"
"No, listen to me. You and I...we can't do this. I'm old enough to be your
father. I'm probably going to end up marrying your mom, because I'm lonely,
even though I'm not attracted to her. And you are going to go to college,
probably somewhere in a big city where you can find plenty of boys who will
want to get with you and are actually around your age. Do you understand?" He
asked, finishing his grand plan.
Tears pricked at my eyes, and I pulled away from his touch. "I can't accept
that." I sobbed out, leaning back in my chair.
"You have to, Dan." He almost pleaded, standing from his chair and coming
around to my side of the table. "We aren't practical." After he said that, he
started toward the front hall, and I realized he was trying to leave just like
that.
I stood up with so much force, my chair toppled back onto the floor behind me.
I ran after him, catching him just as he was opening the door to walk out. With
a surprising burst of strength, I grabbed his wrist, and dragged his body back
in before slamming him against the door, effectively closing it. "Kiss me." I
begged, crowding against him as he leaned against the door, frozen with shock.
"You owe me at least that. Just kiss me before you go, please!"
I didn't realize how had I was crying until I felt Phil bring his hand up to
wipe away the tears falling onto my cheeks. "It's okay, Love." He whispered to
me, then leaned down, cupped my face in his hands, and met my lips softly with
his.
I quickly got into the kiss, leaning forward against his chest and desperately
clutching at the lapels of his jacket. I moved my mouth against his, letting
him take control of the kiss and savoring the warmth of his mouth on mine.
After a few more seconds, he pulled away, and I let out a whimper. "I need to
go now, Darling." He murmured, kissing the top of my head before pulling away
completely.
"You can't go." I whined.
"Goodbye, Dan." He said softly, then pulled away from me and pried my hands
gently from his jacket.
"No, no, no!" I cried as he pushed me back in order to get out of the door. My
brain scrambled for what I could say to make him stay with me. "Don't go,
Daddy." I whimpered, and sure enough, he stopped mid-step.
Chapter End Notes
     IM SUCH A TEASE
***** September 28, 1976 (2) *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"What did you just call me?" He asked, his body still rigid.
"Daddy." I repeated, meeker and more afraid.
"Call me that again." He requested, turning back around to face me and closing
the door.
"Okay, Daddy." I complied.
"You don't know what you're getting into, Daniel." He stated, closing his eyes
as I closed the space between us.
"I think I do." I argued, looking up at him with wide, innocent eyes.
"Have you ever even had sex with a man before?" He sighed, reaching down to
grab my hips. My eyes went wide at his question, and he let out another sigh.
"That's what I thought."
"I've been saving myself for you!" I mewled in protest, wrapping my arms around
his neck. Now it was his turn to have his eyes go wide.
"You're telling me you've never had sex with...anyone before?" He questioned. I
shook my head and my cheeks heated up. "Have you ever even touched yourself
sexually?" He asked.
I looked down but shook my head again. "I'm completely yours." I answered,
still looking at the floor. "I've known that I wanted to be yours since I was
twelve."
"Jesus, Dan." He said, shaking his head. "You've seriously denied yourself all
of that pleasure because you wanted me to be your first?"
"No." I replied, then looked back up into his face. "I wanted you to be my
only."
"God, Daniel. For someone who hasn't done this before, you sure know how to get
a man going. These aren't helping either though." He commented, snapping the
waistband of my shorts against my hips, then dragged my body forward to press
flush against his. He leaned back in and kissed me, this time letting his
tongue trail out and trace along my bottom lip. "We shouldn't be doing this."
He whispered against my lips.
"And who's going to stop us? You?" I whispered back, placing a kiss against his
cheek to drive my point home.
He groaned, then grabbed the underside of my bare thighs in his large hands.
"Jump." He ordered. I did as he said and jumped up, wrapping my legs around his
waist as he flipped us over and pushed me up against the door. He let out a
growl, then forced his lips onto my neck roughly, biting and sucking in a way
that made me squirm.
I gasped and let one of my hands find a way to his scalp to grab a fistful of
hair. He let out a carnal snarl at that, and actually bit down on my neck,
making the area throb painfully. He didn't break the skin, but I knew the spot
would be a dark red and purple for days, letting the world know that I was his
only. "Daddy." I whimpered, tugging more harshly on his hair. "Daddy, please
fuck me." I begged.
He stopped attacking my neck, then brought his lips up to mine and kisses me
with an almost bruising force. "You really want this, Babydoll?" He questioned
quietly, pulling back from me to look me in the eyes.
"Please." I whined, my voice cracking in desperation.
"God, you're so needy." He chuckled, then moved back from the wall so I could
stand again. "Show me to your room, Princess."
I took his hand and took him up to my room, a rather plain room with white
walls, white sheets, and white furniture. As soon as he caught sight of the
bed, he was pushing me down onto it, then stripped off his jacket and shirt
while I laid on the sheets and admired him. "Do you have your camera up here?"
He questioned, cracking his knuckles in a way that was almost intimidating.
"Yes, Daddy." I answered, sitting up slightly and leaning back on my elbows.
"Well, you get your camera ready, and I'm going to go see if your mother has
any vaseline."
"Why do we need-"
"You'll find out later, Darling." He winked, then made his way out of the door.
I scrambled for the camera, picking it up from my vanity and bringing it back
to the bed. I checked quickly to see if it had film, then placed it beside me
as I laid down, ready to go. I could hear the thumps of Phil's feet hitting the
stairs as he ran up them, and when he flung open the bedroom door, I could feel
my breath catching in my throat. He had this look of pure lust in his eyes, and
it burned into me as I laid there, paralyzed under his gaze. He was breathing
heavily, and he approached the bed before slamming the container of vaseline on
my bedside table. "I'm so ready, Daddy." I whispered, looking up at him from
the bed.
He grunted in response, then pulled off his shirt exposing his not quite toned
stomach. His shoulders were so broad and the black curly hair on his chest made
me let a little whimper past my lips. "I've been waiting for this for weeks."
He stated, then climbed down onto the bed on top of me, knees on either side of
my thighs. His face was directly above mine, and I could feel his breath coming
out in pants. "Fuck, you're so pretty." He muttered, then leaned down and
pressed closed-mouth kisses to my neck.
"Oh!" I whimpered, reaching up to grab at his shoulders as his warm lips pecked
my sensitive spots.
"Princess, let's get you out of those pretty little shorts, hmm?" Phil hummed,
letting one hand travel down my side until his fingers were caressing the soft
skin of my hip under the waistband of my shorts.
"Yeah..." I agreed, letting go of his shoulders and grabbing at the bottoms of
my shorts before tugging them down. I kicked them off, sending them flying off
of the bed, then looked back up at Phil. I could almost see what he wanted in
his eyes, so without being told, I also pulled off my shirt, which Phil took
from my hands and dropped off the side of the bed.
He picked up the camera from the sheets beside us, then leaned back down to
ask, "Can I take some pictures of you, Love?"
"Who's going to see them, Daddy?" I questioned, running a finger up his arm.
"Just me, Princess. All for me."
"Go ahead, Daddy." I replied.
He got off of the bed, then held the camera up to his eye. "Can you pose for
me?" He asked, his voice husky. I laid back, eyes closed and body positioned
just like the pin-up girls from the 50s. Phil seemed to like that, a low
appreciative noise coming from his throat. He took the picture, then took the
developing film and set it on the table beside the vaseline. He took four more
pictures, all with me in different poses. Then, he set down the camera beside
the two still developing pictures, then carefully tucked the others into his
pant's pocket and pulled off his own trousers and underwear, leaving him stark
naked.
I looked him up and down, admiring the contrast between our bodies. He was so
mature, all sharp angles with big hands and the "v" that all the boys talked
about wanting in the locker room. I, on the other hand, was soft. I was curves
and soft skin, all with a slightly pudgy tummy and round bottom. He looked
absolutely delicious.
He crawled back onto the bed, grabbing the vaseline, and opening the lid. "What
are you going to do with that?" I asked, due to my lack of experience in
everything sexual.
"This just helps make everything...slicker." He decided, nodding his head in
approval of his word choice.
"Slicker?" I questioned, looking up at him with wide eyes.
"Yeah. It's like spit but better." He explained, dipping his hand into the
container and pulling out a little bit before spreading it over his cock.
"What are we going to do with it?" I asked, licking my lips as he began to
slowly fist his hard cock.
"Why tell you when I can show you?" He replied, taking his clean hand and
pushing me to lay down.
I let my head hit the pillow, and he leaned over me, ducking down to attach his
mouth to mine. I moaned into the kiss, his tongue invading my mouth and his
teeth roughly scraping my lips. I loved it, my hips bucking up on their own
accord as I gasped and whined into his mouth. Phil let go of himself, then held
my down by my hips, leaving me a whimpering, pathetic mess. My hair was
disheveled from the pillow, my lips were bright red from the kissing, and
bright red hickeys littered my neck.
"Stay still, Baby." He ordered, releasing one hand from my hip only to move it
to my shoulder. Then with barely any pressure, he thrust his hips down and
lightly brushed against my red, leaking cock. I let out a moan, reaching one
hand up to grab his hair as he repeated his earlier actions.
"Daddy!" I cried, fighting the grip he had on my hips, trying to buck up.
He ground against me, the slickness of his dick on mine sending shots of
pleasure up my spine. "Um, fuck..." He muttered, chest heaving as he did it
again.
I was also breathing heavily, every touch making my sensitive dick leak more. I
was full on pulling on Phil's hair now, trying to do something to counteract
the new, intense pleasure coursing through me. My tongue was lolling out of my
mouth as he gave another powerful thrust. I was embarrassingly close, and we
had only started a few minutes ago. "Daddy, close!" I gasped out, my other hand
balling up the sheets into my fist. My knuckles were white with how much
pressure I gripping onto things, and I could feel myself starting to seize up.
"Come for me. Come for Daddy." Phil commanded, grinding down on me. Hard.
I came with a shout, my release splattering my stomach. The aftershocks wracked
my body for almost a full minute, giving Phil time to jerk himself off to the
sight of my spent form before I came back to myself. Phil came quieter, the
only noise leaving his lips was a soft grunt as he came into his fist and over
my stomach.
"Fuck." I remarked, panting and looking to Phil as he came down from his high.
His eyes were wide, and he looked almost disturbed. "Phil?" I asked, concerned.
"What's wrong?"
"I've made such a huge mistake." He whispered, eyes watering.
"What do mean?" I questioned, my voice wavering.
"I need to leave." I muttered, wiping his hands on my sheets before standing up
and frantically looking for his clothes. He pulled on his underwear and pants,
then located his shirt.
"Where are you going?" I said, voice now breaking.
"I'm sorry." He replied, pulling his shirt over his head and rushing from my
room, not even looking back.
I jumped up from the bed, not even caring about the state I was in. I ran to
catch him as he fled down the stairs to the door. He was reaching for the
handle on the front door when I began crying, wrapping my arms around myself as
I stood naked on the steps. "I trusted you!" I screamed down to him. "I loved
you!"
He didn't say a word. He only opened the door and left, slamming it closed. I
let myself drop down onto a step, arms still securely wrapped around my body. I
felt used. He took pictures of me, he used me, then he left me all alone after
my first sexual experience. God, I felt dirty. It was like cockroaches were
crawling over my body as I sat there.
How had I fallen for someone so awful? I was still crying, the tears tiring me
as I sobbed and hiccupped. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of
something hanging on the hooks in the front hall. His jacket. He had left it in
his efforts to get away from me. I stood on shaky legs, then made my way down
the steps and over to where it hung in the hall. I took it off the hook, then
placed it over my arm and trudged back up the stairs to my room.
My sheets were a mess, my own nude photos were laying developed on my bedside
table, and the vaseline was sitting open beside them. Wait. I counted the
photos on the table, only for a fresh wave of tears to begin after I realized
that two were missing. God, how could I have been so stupid? I pulled back the
blankets and sheets and crawled into my bed, not caring that the room smelled
like sex and the sheets were covered in my own come. I held the jacket close to
me and stuck my nose into the fabric, smelling it. It matched Phil's scent
perfectly. "How could I be so stupid?" I whimpered to myself, then cried myself
to sleep, holding his jacket against my body.
Chapter End Notes
     I know y'all hate me at this point, but don't worry, I hate myself
     too.
End Notes
     Thanks for reading! I hope to update as soon as possible, and I'd
     like to apologize for the lengths of each chapter, because they are
     significantly less than my usual one-shot. I hope you guys don't mind
     too much, though!
     See y'all later!
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