Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/12323970.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      ジョジョの奇妙な冒険_|_JoJo_no_Kimyou_na_Bouken_|_JoJo's_Bizarre_Adventure
  Relationship:
      Diavolo/Vinegar_Doppio
  Character:
      Diavolo_(Jojo), Vinegar_Doppio, Giorno_Giovanna, Bruno_Buccellati, Trish
      Una, Donatella_Una, unnamed_unimportant_OCs, Abuser_OC_(unnamed), Solido
      Naso
  Additional Tags:
      Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder_-_PTSD, references_to_child_sexual_abuse,
      Implied/Referenced_Child_Abuse, Canon-Typical_Violence, technically_boss/
      doppio, the_rape_scenes_are_vague_and_not_explicit_but_tread_carefully,
      Sad_Ending, Canon_Compliant
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-10-12 Updated: 2018-03-11 Chapters: 4/5 Words: 4314
****** Litost ******
by Colamiilk
Summary
     Part of his rational brain told him he was Doppio but…
     But it was hard to believe that.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** Solido Naso *****
The screeching of cicadas seemed to mimic a blade scraping over a sand block,
slowly sharpening it. The warm blood that filled his mouth dripped down from
the rancid remains of his brain, choking him and making him gasp.
It was so hot, the summer heat clung to his skin and left the sweat that
refused to dry unbearable. He felt like he was boiling alive in his own body,
like he would get heat stroke from his own nerves.
More water was poured over his hair and he whimpered at the cold; it should’ve
been a relief but the water felt like a cold acid that melted his skin into
nothingness. Crying he gurgled out what should’ve been a cry for help.
The words dissolved in his spit and dribbled down his bare chest. He couldn’t
see anything, his brain refusing to process whatever was happening, it
desperately blocked out everything it could leaving him disoriented and scared.
Feeling his matted hair gathered as a handle to pull him into a bow with he
keened arching with the pain. His chest had dried lines of drool crusted onto
it cracking with the sudden movement.
Gagging on the bitter air he cried at the too warm breath on his ear.
“Solido…” scrunching up his face in pain he whined at her heavy hands. He felt
his chest go up and down rapidly as he began to hyperventilate the panic was
spreading and his blacked out vision left him helpless to stop it.
His hands clutched the scratchy sheets and outdoor proofed foam pillows. They
sanded his skin and left him sensitive to her assault but they were something,
something to ground him.
Something to distract him from his burning hips that clenched and unclenched
with the dripping sink. The metallic sound of the water hitting the drain made
his brain itch, made him release his tension before it built up again in a
never ending cycle of misery.
He wanted to rip out his hair, he wanted to scream endlessly, he wanted to jump
into the winter river and let the freezing water numb his body.
Flay his skin to get rid of the warmth of her touch. A warmth he wanted to
forget, a warmth he knew would haunt him for the rest of his life.
Arching his back he bent almost entirely back, trying to create as much space
between them as he could. The snot and tears that ran down his face combined
with his wet coughs, the pain never stopped.
But the strain exhausted him, and gave him the release of sleep.
---
The owls occasionally broke the silence that filled the house.
Holding onto his knees he looked up at her sleeping form. He couldn’t sleep…
with nothing to distract him he just cried and cried.
They fed him drugs and gave him blankets but it didn’t change anything. He
still sat listlessly in the silent room, not even a fan to give him enough
white noise to dull the static in his brain.
“Naso.” looking back over he saw her look at him with a piercing angry gaze.
Blinking he waited for her to say what was on her mind.
“Just be quiet… i’m trying to sleep.” numbly looking back forward he nodded
slightly.
“Sorry.” it was mumbled and quiet, laced with a quiet anger. A bitterness that
laid dormant in his soul, not yet strong enough to give him the courage to
speak back.
“Are you?” flinching at her accusation his dull soul gave up any emotion he
could’ve had in the moment, leaving him completely at a loss. Sniffling back
the snot that reached his chin he sighed glancing back towards her.
“Yeah…” whether he actually felt sorry or not was up to how she interpreted it;
he didn’t really know himself. He honestly just wanted to end the conversation.
“Why are you crying anyway?” unwrapping his hold on his legs he stretched them
out with sickening pops as she scowled. Resting his head on the end of her bed
he spoke without meaning.
“I don’t know.” he knew it would make her angry; but he really didn’t know what
he was crying about. It was anyone’s guess.
“Well then don’t cry over nothing.” she knew he couldn’t help it; or maybe she
didn’t. Maybe he could help it, but he didn’t know how to stop the crawling
dread that squeezed his lungs and made him choke.
“Mmm… Maybe I’ll ask-” he wasn’t even sure what he was going to ask or who he’d
ask, but it didn’t matter she grabbed his neck bending it back until they made
eye contact. Swallowing thickly he felt his adam’s apple bob against her
fingers.
“Are you trying to steal my friends Solido?” what would even happen if he said
yes? Quickly deciding that was the last thing he wanted to find out he
stuttered out an answer as best as he could with her hand pressing down on his
throat.
“No I- I just..” it hurt, if her hand pushed any further down he was sure his
voice box would cave inwards; maybe that’d be best though… he’d never have to
respond again.
“You can’t do that!” anger swelled in his heart, he wanted.. He wanted to be
able to talk to others without constant fear of repercussions.
“Why are you like this! Why can’t I talk to anyone else?” The slap that stung
his face wouldn’t bruise; she was smarter than that, but it didn’t need to; it
hurt just as bad. He wished his throat had caved in; then he’d never have to
deal with this regret.
“Because you’re a slut! You’ll just do whatever they ask of you! And they’ll
make you leave me behind!” there was something tacked to the end there; it was
like smooth skin with a splinter sticking out.
Invisible to the naked eye but when you brushed your hands over it you could
feel it stab into you.
That sentence had something that felt out of place in it; something that felt
wrong.
“Wha-” He didn’t have the chance to question or even figure out what part of
the statement was wrong… any thoughts he had were immediately overpowered by
her much too loud voice that rattled his brain.
“You’re too stupid to think for yourself! Others will just take advantage of
you!” Tilting his head he opened his mouth only to have it covered roughly as
her voice turned into a dangerous whisper.
“You can’t. I won’t let you.” the eye contact they shared hurt him, something
so… something so insignificant shouldn’t have such an effect on him….
“I-” the thoughts hadn’t even formed yet; he was about to say something he
himself didn’t know.. But she didn’t care, it didn’t matter.
“Just go to bed.” unsure what he’d even say he listlessly responded.
“Ok.” time passed and she fell back asleep listening to the clock tick in
silence he waited… and waited. Until the sun rose again.
---
The dial tone rang in his ear.
Ru ru ru ru ru…?
It echoed inside his brain.
Ru ru ru ru ru…?
The sound wasn’t changing, no matter how hard he willed it to.
Ru ru ru ru ru…?
He kept listening, begging it to change to the loud ear rattling
Ru ru ru ru ru
Just like that everything was over… the phone would never ring again, he was on
his own now. No more calls that would tell him everything was okay and where to
go from here… the dial tone blared.
As he put it down listlessly he held his breath thinking, for a second, he’d
hear the sound he knew would never come.
Ru ru ru ru ru...
***** Dysphoria *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
A crippling agoraphobia was only the tip of the iceberg. Or maybe it was the
core. Regardless it seemed to be the least of his Solido’s problems.
The lack of simulation made his brain go haywire, his constant babbling and
explaining of simple tasks wasn’t enough anymore. He couldn’t remind himself he
existed anymore; because his explanations ran off and left him more confused
than before.
‘I’m Solido Naso, I’m 15, I dropped out of school, I’m still working for…’ the
thoughts turned to a dull depressing static.
‘For what?’
There was no answer, what was his purpose for existing? He didn’t have any
dreams or aspirations anymore, no friends, no family…
He was just a coward who left his rancid remains in everyone else’s way because
he was too scared to throw himself out.
Soon the constant self questioning gained it's own voice. An interviewer's
smile and a perky voice that warmed the silence. Solido fell in love with it,
because…
Because someone cared. The knowledge that that someone didn’t exist was easily
overlooked by his growing isolation.
---
Going outside… why bother with such things if there was no gain?
The gain was so subtle that it was easily overlooked. The ability to function
in other’s presence. Something easily taken for granted. Something that one
would think they’d always have.
Humans are social creatures, surely there was no way that the sight of other
humans could send one into a break down, was there?
There was an unexplainable fear in Naso when people looked at him, like they
were staring through his soul, like they knew… it clenched his lungs, the
shortness of breath always made him vomit.
He didn’t want anyone to see his body. Not even an outline… he didn’t even want
to see himself. No one needed to see him, no one deserved to be subjected to
something so gross. Clay slapped sloppily to a figure, blended just enough that
it could be mistaken for human.
He didn’t want his body, he didn’t want a body, he felt like he didn’t belong
inside of one. Because whatever had made him human left a long time ago. He
wanted to be free from the horrible weight of it but he wasn’t ready to be
freed from his self awareness yet.
He was too scared.
Besides… there was no body that would ever exist that didn’t reflect her own.
Everybody looked too much like her… He could see her in everyone, himself
especially…
It was a horrible conflict that left him asleep more than awake.
It left him in giant sweaters hiding in the shadows and only going out at
night. Constantly in a cold sweat of guilt, his guilt of continuing his eyesore
of an existence. Things couldn’t continue like this… but he didn’t know how to
fix it either.
The ever present voice in his head smiled,
‘You do know what would fix it Naso.’ he did… he did… but he didn’t want to
admit it.
‘Death is all that’s left for you, you’ve lived a full life already. Even if it
was faster than most, you already checked everything off the list.’ What was
left for him? He had done most of the main events of life already hadn’t he?
No he hadn’t… he was only 15… there's no way he had… Why was everything
crashing down on him now!? He had spent so long so blissfully unaware of
everything, denial and repression working in his favor.
But there was no hiding it anymore. Covering his face with his hands he
screamed, the crazed eyes he saw between his hands mocked him. Spinning one of
his legs around to kick the mirror to shards without revealing himself he felt
satisfaction in his sliced skin.
It felt so right, tangible evidence of what everyone had been denying. He
wanted to be covered in scars. So no one could deny his pain ever again. The
golden pips of fat that tainted the inside of his body would turn into golden
quartz once he was broken open.
But first he needed his hands back… he needed something to cover his face… he
didn’t want to see it even for a second. Wrapping his entire left arm in a
weird twist around his face, the small gap where his hand met his shoulder was
perfect, just big enough for him to see while he clawed through his drawers.
‘Naso…’ spinning around fear poured out his eyes and mouth… dripping out his
nose bloody and staining. There was no one else here… but he knew that voice.
‘Naso, your thinking too small. A mask doesn’t have to be only for your own
benefit.’ Doppio’s smile was warm and excited but it left the back of Solido’s
thighs sweaty.
‘Naso I don’t have a form yet… but you can make me.’ Make him? Out of what?
‘You can make me your mask. Your disguise.’ Oh. Out of himself… Swallowing he
reached out the imaginary pool of smoke that made up his double. He was
completely insane now wasn’t he?
‘You are… but it’s okay.” Was it?
‘It’s okay Naso… sometimes we need to go insane to survive.’
---
He was suffocating… he couldn’t breathe anymore… but he must of been breathing,
he hadn’t passed out yet.
He couldn’t feel the relief that fresh air brought him, it was to hot, to
stale, it reminded him of horrible times. Peeling his sweaty naked body off the
bed he grimaced in self disgust. He had itched a hole deep into his face, he
was completely numb to the pain, somehow his brain didn’t register it anymore.
He still felt the sharpness, but it didn’t register as painful… just… another
sensation.
Opening all his windows he let the froze air wash over his body, numbing him
further as he slowly got dressed. He was barely conscious, more of a zombie of
some sort. Placing one of his legs through the pant hole to let it drop limply
against the floor again.
His hair no longer shared the dirty brown of her own… more bleach that could be
healthy and dyes of all shades had been used to desperately cover it up. To
deny it's existence. To bad his eyes still shared that tone.
Nimbly working his fingers through his hair into a complex pleat he pinned it
with a large alligator clip. The part that never stayed in the braid already
falling out to frame his face. Scowling he brushed the rest of it out, might as
well get all the weird fly away’s out of the way now.
Slipping his sweater over his body he sighed loudly shaking his head back and
forth quickly to wake himself out fully his vision tilted and righted itself
oddly in front of his mirror.
The boy in front of him wasn’t his own reflection. He looked different than he
ever remembered…
‘Well Naso?’ Right… right this was his mask… he had worked hard for this…
somehow going out like this made him scared, what if it didn’t work? What if he
was doomed to never fit in normal society?
Stepping out into the dark early morning he nearly jumped a foot in the air, an
old man walking his dog smiled before looking back to his path. Naso looked at
his hands in disbelief… he had never felt so safe in his body before…
Maybe… maybe he could be normal after all.
Chapter End Notes
     Ayyy guess who doesn't feel well again?
     Anyway I hope it's uh.. enjoyable i guess? Idk... I don't really hope
     it's relatable because that'd suck. Hm. I hope you don't regret
     reading lets go with that.
     Also the ending of this is so depressing I made a bitter-sweet
     epilogue that i might upload XD
***** Donatella *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Trust was a rare thing.
Whether it was to trust someone else, or to have someone trust you.
Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be, but for him it was almost nonexistent. He had
gotten mostly over his horrible dysphoria that made it hard to control his own
body, but it didn’t help him actually talk to others.
Because no one wanted to talk to someone who wouldn’t trust the simplest
statements.
And pity was never helpful.
Doppio sighed out his nose flipping his phone shut before pushing off the wall.
“Oh excuse me! What’s your name?” jumping a foot in the air with a scream he
turned around in shock at the person who had grabbed him. When he noticed it
was just a short woman, who looked very shocked by his reaction, he calmed down
slightly.
He didn’t manage to stop fidgeting though and when he processed her question he
awkwardly mumbled. He hated that question, he hated being reminded of who he
was.
“Sorry say again?” blushing he brushed the back of his head stuttering a few
times before he managed to get out a response out at a proper volume.
“Solido Naso…” She smiled so widely, like he had just told her she had won the
lottery… it was cute… but he still wanted to leave.
“I’m Donatella Una! Do you go here?” Go here? Well he was standing here… he had
to have come here somehow… Where must’ve of been more specific, twitching his
fingers he tried to ask what she meant.
“Uhm.. W- Where?” he sounded so stupid. Where? Really? Here obviously! He
should of asked where this was or something! Berating himself he closed his
eyes in stress only to fling them back open… he was being weird he knew he was.
“This college!” He hadn’t realized he had walked into a campus… was he in
trouble? Surely he shouldn’t be on school grounds… he probably seemed so
creepy…
“N-no… I’m sorry I was leaving…” turning on his heel he was so high strung but
he was grateful for the chance to leave… he wanted to go home and pretend this
never happened, but he knew it was going to play on repeat in his head for
years to come.
“No No! I was excited to see you!” Grabbing onto his hand Naso turned around in
horror. Excited? Why? What did she want from him? His phone? This was a weird
way to mug someone…
“Uh… why?” It was a risky question, but he didn’t know what else he could say…
What did one say to that?
“Do I need a reason?” Confusion laid forefront on his mind. What was she
talking about? Why couldn’t of she just been like ‘Oh okay.’ when he had said
he wasn’t a student and left him to it? What was he supposed to do?
“Kind of…” There was no getting away until he at least finished this
conversation but… but he didn’t know how else to continue it. Whatever her
answer maybe scared him… why hadn’t she told him upfront… was it malicious?
“You’re really cute ahah, ah i’m so embarrassed now!” Cute? Tugging his sweater
sleeves down he blushed. Uhhhm he should say thanks right? But he wasn’t sure
how… just straight up saying it would be rude right? Luckily he didn’t have to
panic over his answer too long because a shocked
“O-oh…” fell out of his mouth.
---
“Solido…” he was going to throw up. Donatella’s pretty face melted into her
own, smiling like a snake, reminding him of who he was. Throwing himself back
the room suddenly felt too hot. The burning hands of that night printed over
his body marking him with their sin.
“Solido?” Don’t say that name… don’t say that name… please don’t… mumbling
something along the lines of ‘I need to go’ the confusion on her face was
obvious, it could be because his hurried speech didn’t sound like Italian
anymore. If it even was language anymore.
Bursting through the dorm’s door he cried at the cool air that washed over him.
If anyone tried to stop him or even existed in these halls he didn’t know, his
tunnel vision set him on an autopilot to a destination he didn’t even know.
That name, his name, it ruined everything… he might of had a chance to be
normal, to have a lover without it. It was all it’s fault…
But he knew that wasn’t true, it wasn’t the name. It was the reminder it
brought with it, of who he belonged to, of why he’d never be normal. Even
knowing that he clung onto the hope that if he abandoned it he could keep
going…
Solido would die tonight and he’d rise from the ashes.
Chapter End Notes
     This series is really difficult to update, for reasons that are
     obvious, but I'm really going to try and finish it.
***** Diavolo *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
“Diavolo!” He had been worried that they would press him for his name when he
first started working down here. But as months passed no one so much as blinked
at the name ‘Diavolo’. He supposed most of the customers here were mafiosos who
would rather kill themselves then give out there name, but he had still been
surprised they had given him the same liberties.
He wasn’t exactly the best worker, almost being fired multiple times before his
current ‘favorite customer’ had taken notice of him. Suddenly the brothel owner
just… stopped threatening him, all his other customers disappeared, and
everything became surprisingly mundane around him.
Or as mundane as life could be living as a sex worker.
The only man who hired him now paid extremely well, and had obviously fallen in
love with Diavolo… For whatever reason. Often offering more if he ‘promised to
wait for him and not not have sex with anyone else.’ Diavolo wasn’t sure why
the guy thought he would keep his promises, but he wasn’t going to turn down
the extra cash either.
It's not like anyone else hired him anymore anyway.
Clamping down on the man beneath him he listened to the guy keen and come with
the same expression he watched everything happen with. Bored, monotone,
unhappy. Luckily his customer didn’t mind how… emotionless Diavolo always was.
How disconnected he was from the world around him.
For whatever reason it seemed to make him like Diavolo more.
Watching from the bed as the man began to redress into his complex suit Diavolo
blinked tiredly, he wanted the guy to leave already. He was literally only
doing this to survive, even though he knew he should be thankful that this
customer was willing to pay him so much for doing so little he still felt
impatient with him.
“Diavolo…” raising an eyebrow he leaned up on his shoulder to stare at the man
above him, lazily tracing shapes around his belly button as the man seemed to
awkwardly look for his words. He never really understood how everyone else
around here was so scared of this guy. Maybe Diavolo was getting special
treatment but… still.
“There’s an opening in Passione, I’ve decided I want you to be my personal
assistant.” Staring blankly he didn’t answer. Almost like he was telling the
man to convince him, to tell him why he should care. Seriously, Diavolo knew
himself well enough to know he wasn’t stable enough for a job like that.
He couldn’t deal with being someone’s secretary. He hated people, there was no
way he’d be the between point so this guy would have to deal with other people
less. After all he was making a decent amount here, and he knew working for
this guy he’d still being having sex with him on a daily basis. So what would
the benefit even be.
“It’ll pay well, better than this...” Well he figured. If it didn’t then there
really wouldn’t be any point of going over there. His customer seemed to
realize how unamused Diavolo was with his offer.
But he also wasn’t going to give up, he wanted Diavolo, because Diavolo was the
only person who wasn’t always trying to please him. He wondered if that was
what he saw in him, if he liked the chase or something.
Diavolo wouldn’t bother telling him he’d never get his heart or whatever. He’d
lost interest in that kind of stuff before he even knew what it was. If he did,
he’d lose his only reliable source of income. Plus the guy was enjoying it so…
there was no harm right?
“You won’t have to talk to any-”
“Okay.” He looked shocked, more than just surprised that Diavolo had accepted.
It was almost funny watching the guy process the fact that he had just been cut
off, had he really not been cut of before? Smiling thinly the man seemed
transfixed with Diavolo’s grin, probably never having seen it before.
“You’ll keep your promise and pay, right?” He nodded furiously and Diavolo
swung his legs down to hit the cool dirty floors.
He had chosen the name Diavolo not because he was evil, but because he brought
out the sin in others.
---
Most of Passione didn’t know Diavolo existed.
The ones who knew of the boss’s little sex toy died soon after the boss did.
Diavolo hadn’t even known the man who had been paying him these past years had
been the don of Passione.
Blinking he stared at the laptop screen.
He couldn’t just tell everyone that the boss had died and that he was just his
honey pot. The whole organization would fall apart as people crawled over each
other to become the next don. He would be thrown back out on the streets…
Swallowing he clawed at his hair. There had to be something… something else he
could do. What would he do without his boss? What could he do?
Suddenly a horrible thought crossed his mind. As long as no one ever found out
who he was… as long as he hid behind this screen…
He could still live like this. Couldn't he? He could still be safe and alone
inside the boss’s house. He could fade into his boss, and become the don in his
place.
Looking back at the blue glow of his boss’s…. No, his laptop he reached his
hands out hesitantly.
He’d be the next Don of Passione. And he’d make sure no one would ever be able
to tell he wasn’t the same Don that had been here this entire time.
He wondered how the men of Passione would feel if they knew that there boss had
left the entire organization’s fate in the hands of some whore.
It was the first thing in a long while that gave Diavolo a reason to laugh
Chapter End Notes
     Heyyy I'm not feeling well so I'm back again! Have Diavolo's entry to
     power XD
End Notes
     It is so so so important to note that i'm not trying to justify
     Diavolo; he is a villain, and he is the villain in this Fic as well.
     It might seem like i'm trying to say 'its not his fault because of X
     Y Z!' but i'm not!
     It's still his fault; mental illness or not.
     playlist here: https://8tracks.com/colamiilk/litost (NSFW)
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