Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1493281.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Suzumiya_Haruhi_no_Yuuutsu_|_The_Melancholy_of_Suzumiya_Haruhi
  Relationship:
      Koizumi_Itsuki/Kyon
  Character:
      Kyon, Suzumiya_Haruhi, Asahina_Mikuru, Nagato_Yuki, Koizumi_Itsuki, OFC
  Additional Tags:
      Fluff, Angst, Happy_Ending, lots_of_smut, slight_dubious_consent, In_that
      one_character_thinks_the_sex_is_all_a_dream, Mind_Games, Underage_since
      both_Kyon_and_Itsuki_are_in_high_school
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-04-20 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 16229
****** Limited Paradise ******
by ChatterboxAngel
Summary
     Falling in love with any of the female members of the S.O.S. Brigade
     would have been an acceptable choice to Haruhi, but that isn't the
     path Kyon's heart takes. Every action has consequences, and some are
     more devastating than others.
Notes
     Originally published on ff.net three years ago.
     Will post chapters upon finishing editing them.
***** Chapter 1 *****
It would have been easy to fall in love with Mikuru. She was kind, soft-spoken,
beautiful, and gave off such warmth that it affected everyone around her. In
short, she was as close to being the perfect girl as any human could get.
Falling in love with Mikuru would also have been safe, because she would always
comply with Haruhi’s requests, meaning Haruhi wouldn’t have to worry about
losing her control over Kyon to outside influence.
Falling in love with Haruhi would have been the easiest option. After all, she
was the unaware, all-powerful supreme ruler of the world. Or was it the
universe? Either way, it didn’t truly matter. Despite her boisterous, over-
bearing personality, Haruhi was just as beautiful as Mikuru and extremely
alluring to the male population of her species. Falling in love with Haruhi
would have made the crazy girl happy and effectively help ward off some of her
more violent moods, which, in effect ,would help decrease the number of
enclosed spaces.
Falling in love with Yuki would have been understandable. Not beautiful, she
was extremely cute. Also, she was incredibly intelligent and powerful. Many
guys would kill for a girlfriend such as Yuki. And she, too, silently complied
with Haruhi’s wishes and would keep Kyon within the realm of easy control.
However, his heart hadn’t gone for the easy route. No, he had fallen in love
with the mysterious, infuriating, annoyingly secretive, and devilishly handsome
Itsuki Koizumi. And the worst (best?) part was that he couldn't blame his
feelings on Haruhi’s selfish desires anymore. He hadn’t been able to for a long
time. It had been weeks since her interest in yaoi had faded. After forcing the
only two male members of the club to pose for countless pictures, she had grown
bored with homosexual romance and moved onto her next source of entertainment.
The only problem was that Kyon hadn’t, because he couldn’t. Haruhi’s yaoi kick
hadn’t created Kyon’s feeling for Itsuki, merely awakened them. And looking
back, he could recognize the time months before Haruhi had become interested in
yaoi when his feelings for the esper had already begun to develop. He’d always
thought he’d been straight, what with his reaction to Mikuru and all. He still
recognized her beauty, and her warmth still touched his heart. But nothing
could make Kyon’s heart beat as fast or steal his breath away as quickly as a
single look or touch from Itsuki.
“Kyon, we’re going on a date,” the words came from Haruhi’s mouth, not in the
form of a request but a demand. She had dropped the bombshell quite suddenly in
the middle of an ordinary brigade meeting. He had been in the middle of turning
over othello stones, and his body had frozen. The other’s had told him to
expect something like this to happen, but he had vehemently denied it. Because
he didn’t want Haruhi to like him, he never had and had realized long ago that
kissing her in that enclosed space was a major mistake. The room was tense,
everyone waiting for his response and eventual compliance. Unfortunately, this
was the one thing he could not give them.
Sighing, he stood up and watched as the others relaxed, already assuming that
he would be going on this date with Haruhi. However, instead of walking over to
where she was waiting with her hand outstretched, he merely picked up his
backpack and headed for the door. Undaunted, the brown-haired girl ran over,
grabbed his hand, and began to pull. This was the one battle Kyon had chosen to
fight, and he wasn’t going to give up. So, he pulled his hand away and crossed
his arms while leaning back, his body language screaming his unwillingness to
go with her.
“What’s wrong Kyon?” Haruhi asked, oblivious to all but her own desires. “We’re
going on a date; it’s only natural to hold hands. Now, come on, let’s go.”
For one moment, the brown-haired young man hesitated. There was no telling what
his planned future actions would have on Haruhi’s mood; he’d already had more
than enough demonstrations of her power to shudder at the thought. However,
he’d already decided, and he was going to see this through. Taking a deep
breathe to steady himself in preparation of what he was about to do, Kyon
stated in a voice as firm as he could manage, “I’m not going.”
Silence reigned as the room exploded with anxious fear, and he could feel all
four pairs of eyes on him. The silence was broken by a simultaneous combination
of sounds: a gasp, squeak, sigh, and angry screech. The squeak came from
Mikuru, the gasp from Itsuki, the sigh from Yuki, and the angry screech,
obviously, from Haruhi.
“WHAT DID YOU SAY?!” the brown-haired girl shrieked at the top of her lungs, a
sound anyone would be hard-pressed to compare to anything other than a
shrieking banshee.
“I’m not going to go out with you,” Kyon said as slowly and calmly as he could
with an almost imperceptibly quick glance at Itsuki. “Because I’m in love with
somebody else.” And with that said, he left a room full of people sitting in
stunned silence.
That was the first night Kyon’s dreams came. In his dream, the esper visited
him in the middle of the night, wearing casual clothes. It was still a sight
that made Kyon’s heart race.
“That was a stupid thing you did today,” Itsuki said, crawling onto the bed and
positioning himself over Kyon. “She’s pissed as hell, but I am curious. Who did
you end up falling for?”
“You’re awfully stupid for a byproduct of my subconscious,” Kyon said with a
sad smile, reaching up to cup Itsuki’s cheek with his hand. “It’s always been
you.”
The Itsuki in his dream looked much more surprised at his confession than the
real life one would, and he found himself liking that a little too much. But he
sure was glad his subconscious was much more imaginative than his conscious.
Laughing weakly, Itsuki replied, “I was afraid you would say that.” However,
his actions failed to match his words as he leaned down and captured Kyon’s
lips in a hot, searing kiss, tasting exactly as Kyon remembered from their yaoi
photography sessions.
And the next thing he knew, Kyon was waking up to the sound of his sister
pounding on the door, yelling at him to get up. It was morning, and Kyon had
never been so disappointed to see a dream end.
When he got to school, Haruhi had already taken her seat, silently fuming while
glaring daggers at the seat directly in front of her. When she glanced up and
spotted him in the doorway, she shifted her gaze to the window. Sighing, he
took a seat and spent the whole day trying to ignore the palpable tension in
the classroom caused by Haruhi. It was so bad that he almost considered not
going to the S.O.S. Brigade meeting after school. However, he figured he was
already in enough trouble with the other members of the club and decided he
could listen to Haruhi’s ranting for a couple hours if it meant there were
fewer enclosed spaces being created. So, he braced himself and marched straight
towards the clubroom, knocking twice on the closed door once he got there.
After waiting for a few minutes and hearing nothing, he opened the door and was
greeted by the sight of all three of the club’s females in various states of
undress. With a glance, he observed a stoically silent Yuki, a Mikuru who was
shedding floods of silent tears, and an angry Haruhi with an expression that
showed she was obviously expecting something from him. Sighing, Kyon quickly
apologized and left the room, shutting the door behind him. Scowling, he turned
to lean against the door and closed his eyes, wondering what was going to
happen next.
“Is there any reason I shouldn’t go in there?” Itsuki’s voice shocked him,
causing him to jump.
Shaking his head, Kyon merely shrugged and said, “No, just that Haruhi had all
the girls getting naked.”
“Ah,” the esper said and was about to say more, but a shout from inside the
clubroom cut him off. “That was a complete waste of time! He didn’t even blink.
Even Mikuru’s boobs didn’t even faze him!”
“Ah,” Itsuki repeated, but the tone held a kind of frustrated understanding.
“She was extraordinarily angry last night, you know?”
Frowning, Kyon noticed that Itsuki’s voice sounded extremely tired, something
that his mind had failed to register before. When he opened his eyes, he saw
that the esper looked like he had been through Hell and back. Kyon’s heart
broke knowing he was the cause. Even though he was quite sure he didn’t want to
know, the words escaped his mouth before he could stop them. “How bad was it
last night?”
“No one died,” Itsuki replied in the infuriatingly calm, calculating voice. He
was judging Kyon’s reaction. Having a feeling that that statement really wasn’t
a joke, Kyon had flinched slightly. “And the enclosed space really wasn’t all
that big, only extended around the school. And all the attacks were focused on
one place, the clubroom. However, there were seven shinjin rather than the
usual one or two, and they were far more aggressive than normal.”
“I’m sorry,” Kyon said, not able to meet his gaze.
“It’s going to happen again,” was the simple reply, not a guess but an
assurance. “Unless you acquiesce to her demands.”
“I can’t,” Kyon said looking up, straight into the esper’s eyes, trying to
communicate everything he felt with his gaze alone. “I can’t go out with her,
but I am sorry you’re being hurt.” And those words were more true than Itsuki
would probably ever know. He hated knowing that his actions might cause harm to
the one he loved, but he’d been pushed around by Haruhi far too much to let
this slide.
“I was afraid you would say that,” he replied with a sad smile and turned to
face the door just as it was opened by a frowning Haruhi. She beckoned them in
with her hand, sending a glare toward Kyon just for good measure. Shrugging,
the two male teens walked in and took their usual seats.
“Your tea,” Mikuru said, in a somewhat quieter voice than normal as she set the
hot liquid down in front of him. It was obvious she was still feeling extremely
embarrassed due to Haruhi’s latest stunt.
“Thank you,” Kyon replied, offering her an apologetic smile. In turn, she
turned bright red, squeaked, and scurried away, causing him to sigh again.
“OK!” Haruhi shouted, halfway between anger and excitement. She had a new plan,
and Kyon had a sinking feeling that it was his fault. “Today, we’re going to
start researching the next person we’re going on the hunt for: Kyon’s secret
love!”
Groaning, said boy commented, “You could always just ask me who it is.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Haruhi demanded, flipping over the white board to
feveal a chart with the title Who’s the girl that Kyon loves?. With an annoying
smirk adorning her face, she said, “Now, start talking.”
Not in a hurry to correct the gender she had incorrectly assumed, he just
stared and stared and stared, halfway tempted to bang his head against the
table. After a long period of silence, he looked around and noticed the other’s
were looking at him with slightly pleading expression, even Yuki. With a heavy
sigh, he looked back at Haruhi and asked, “What do you want to know?”
By the end of the meeting, he almost wanted to cry. Kyon had spent the last two
hours struggling to answer all the questions in a way that satisfied Haruhi but
didn’t give away too much detail. He had refused to take the easy route, which
would have been to lie. So, at the end of the day, Haruhi had a list that
looked something like this.
Hair: Short brown
Eyes: Brown
Age: 18
Height: Tall
Looks: Breathtaking
Personality: Annoying
There was more, but that was the general gist of what the rest of the list
looked like.
“What are her hobbies?” Haruhi persisted, making Kyon wonder why she even
wanted to know all this information.
“Playing games,” he grumbled out, as it was the first thing that popped into
his mind.
“Mind games or board games?” Itsuki asked in a voice that told he was extremely
amused by the current situation.
“Both,” Kyon groaned, slamming his head down on the table to hide the blush he
knew was now staining his cheeks.
“Okay,” Haruhi exclaimed. “That’s enough for today. Tomorrow, we’ll commence
with the searching.” And with that said, she left, everyone in the room
breathing a sigh of relief.
“Thank you for cooperating with her today,” Itsuki said getting up to leave. “I
don’t think it’ll be so bad tonight as it was last night.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Kyon replied following suit. He hurried ahead of the
esper, making sure they wouldn’t be walking together at all. After the dream
last night and the grilling he had just received, he wasn’t sure he could
handle a normal conversation with Itsuki.
That night, Kyon dreamed of Itsuki again, another visit late in the night. This
time, no words were exchanged. Before he was even aware what was going on, Kyon
felt Itsuki’s lips pressed firmly against his own and a warm tongue beseeching
for entrance into his mouth. Without a moment’s hesitation, Kyon entangled in
hands in the esper’s hair, pulling their heads closer together as his lips
parted with a groan. Itsuki thrust his tongue into Kyon’s mouth, coaxing the
other teen’s into action. As the kiss became more heated, more passionate, the
esper slid one of his hands under Kyon’s white cotton T-shirt.
As his hand brushed over a nipple, Kyon broke the kiss with a throaty gasp.
Smirking, Itsuki took the opportunity to remove Kyon’s shirt and throw it to
the floor. Then, he attached his lips to Kyon’s neck and continued teasing his
nipples with light brushes of fingertips. As the esper sucked on the junction
between the shoulder and neck, not hard enough to leave a mark, he thrust his
hips forward, rubbing their cloth-covered erections against each other, causing
Kyon to let out a loud moan. And even though it was just a dream, Kyon was
still extraordinarily glad that his parents had invested in a house with sound-
proof walls.
Anyway, without pausing, Itsuki moved his ministrations lower and licked Kyon’s
left nipple. The loud moan the submissive teen released was all the invitation
the esper needed. As he continued to suckle Kyon’s nipple, Itsuki’s now free
hand found its way down to the wasteband of Kyon’s jeans. It rested there a few
moments before diving below both the pants and boxers and firmly grasped Kyon’s
erection. His hand began stroking Kyon at an agonizingly slow pace as a sound
halfway in between a pleasured moan and a strangled gasp escaped Kyon’s lips.
Itsuki captured Kyon’s lips in yet another searing kiss as Kyon bucked his hips
forward and let out a whimper, begging for more. Complying, Itsuki began
pumping faster and harder as he kissed Kyon fiercely. When they finally broke
apart for air, the boy underneath knew he was close to release, but all of a
sudden, Itsuki just stopped, pulling away from his body which was desperately
aching for a release.
But before Kyon had time to wonder why, he noticed that Itsuki was
repositioning himself and slowly beginning to pull Kyon’s pants down. Despite
everything that had already happened, Kyon blushed once again.
As soon as his cock sprung free from the confines of his boxers, Itsuki’s
talented lips attached themselves to its head and began sucking as his tongue
dipped into the slit. He hands moved, one to the base of the shaft to play with
his balls and the other to finger tease the puckered opening of his ass.
Slowly, Itsuki took more and more of Kyon into his mouth, continuing to suck
and twirl his tongue around Kyon’s shaft until he had taken Kyon’s entire
erection inside his mouth and was deep-throating it. Then, the esper started
humming lightly, and the vibrations around his cock shot waves of pleasure
through Kyon like never before, causing him to moan out Itsuki’s name as loud
as he could. The last thing he remembered before waking up the next morning was
the bright white haze that clouded his vision as he orgasmed into Itsuki’s
awaiting mouth.
When he awoke the next morning, Kyou couldn’t help the groan of frustration
that escaped his lips as he noticed the morning wood that awaited him. Even
though he was already late in waking up, he knew he couldn’t skip taking a
shower, at least the dream provided him with some fresh material, really good
material too. He’d never been able to imagine anything as pleasurable as that
dream.
He jerked off in the shower imagining the feel of Itsuki’s mouth of around his
cock, quickly got dressed, skipped breakfast, and arrived in class about ten
seconds before the final bell rang. Fortunately, Haruhi was in a much better
mood than she had been the day before, probably because she had found herself
another mission. So, the classroom wasn’t filled to the brim with nervous
tension, and the students weren’t distracted by wondering when WWIII would
break lose. Unfortunately, it also meant Haruhi had gotten un-angry enough to
drag Kyon by the tie to the clubroom after class was over for the day.
“Okay,” Haruhi shouted once all the brigade members had assembled. “Today,
Operation: Search for the Girl Kyon Loves commences. Yuki, Mikuru, and I will
begin the hunt while Koizumi and Kyon remain here.”
“Is there any reason to leave us behind? Kyon grumbled, not too keen on being
left alone in a closed classroom with the object of his affections.
“Because we’re going to the best place for information gathering,” Haruhi
stated like it was an obvious answer. After a few moments of awkward silence,
she added, “Boys can’t go into the girls’ bathroom.”
“What a wonderful idea Suzumiya-san,” Itsuki said with a mysterious smile.
Haruhi nodded her agreement quickly before dragging Mikuru out the door as Yuki
followed silently after.
“That was a good idea you had yesterday,” the esper said once they were alone
as he pulled out a shogi board.
“What are you talking about?” Kyon asked, wondering whether Itsuki was
referring coming to the meeting or actually giving their brigade leader
information about his love interest.
“You intentionally gave her vague answers,” Itsuki commented. “Regardless of
why you did so, it will keep her mind occupied for quite a while, and because
you did so willingly, she feels as though she maintained some level of control
over you. However, she is still angry that she isn’t the target of your
romantic desires, so there was another enclosed space last night. But you don’t
have to worry, it was about the same size as normal with only one shinjin.”
“That’s good,” Kyon replied with a huge sigh of relief. “But if she’s mad about
me having feelings for someone else, why is she so intent on finding that
person?”
“That, Kyon, should be obvious,” the esper replied shaking his head. “She wants
to assess her competition and eliminate the threat. Suzumiya-san is accustomed
to getting what she wants, and Hell nor Heaven hath fury like a woman scorned.
We’re just lucky she wasn’t angry enough to destroy the whole world and decided
to focus on one person.”
“She never thinks about anyone else, does she?”
“She wants you, Kyon, and she is going to do everything in her power to get
you.”
“Then, why doesn’t she just change my feelings and redirect them towards her?”
“Because, even gods can’t change something as natural and pure as true feelings
of love.”
“Oh,” Kyon said, as a burning desire to tell everything he felt to the teen
sitting across the table erupted within him. At that moment, he had never
wanted to confess his feeling more, feelings that were, apparently, too
powerful for even Haruhi to change. However, he kept his mouth firmly clamped
together, because she could come back at any moment. And Kyon knew that she
could make Itsuki disappear as easily as she had made him appear.
“So, are you going to tell me who is both the lucky target of your affections
and the unfortunate source of Suzumiya-san’s ire?” Itsuki asked with an almost
mocking expression aimed at him. Startled out of his reverie, Kyon just shook
his head fiercely.
***** Chapter 2 *****
The following hours were spent in silence, Kyon blushing fiercely every time
their eyes met until he was permanently red, and the esper was worried that his
friend might be sick. The second Haruhi and company returned from the girls
bathroom, Kyon raced from the clubroom, grateful for any excuse to leave. Being
that close to Itsuki, alone, for so long had almost broken his control.
That night, Kyon fell asleep expecting a nighttime dream visit from Itsuki and
was not disappointed when he felt the esper crawling into the bed next to him.
Itsuki didn’t hesitate to divest Kyon of his shirt and continue nipping Kyon’s
neck where he had the previous night. The esper’s hands moved to play with his
lover’s nipples as Kyon’s soft moan began to grow steadily into louder groans,
and Kyon was content to layback and enjoy the pleasure Itsuki was giving him
until the esper’s hand began to move lower.
Struggling to gain just a bit of control over himself, Kyon forced his arms
into action and grabbed Itsuki’s wrist. Ignoring the startled look he received,
he said, “Not just me tonight. I want you to feel good too.”
“Whatever you want, my love,” the endearing phrase rolled off of Itsuki’s
tongue so easily, and Kyon found himself liking it far too much. As he was
still recovering from that pleasant little shock, Itsuki took the time to
remove his own pants and shirt before leaning back down and capturing Kyon’s
lips in their first passionate kiss of the night. When he felt Itsuki’s tongue,
Kyon eagerly parted his lips and entangled one hand in Itsuki’s hair to pull
his head closer while the other moved much lower in search of Itsuki’s cock.
The esper gasped into the kiss as Kyon’s hand dipped underneath boxers and
began stroking his half-hard erection. Shocks of pleasure shot through his
body, causing him to groan just as loudly as Kyon. As Itsuki broke the kiss, he
looked down and noticed his lover smirk as a talented hand continued its work.
Far from satisfied with this turn of events, Itsuki rolled them onto their
sides, slid his hands under cloth layers, and grasped Kyon’s erection with one
hand and maneuvered the other into position to tease Kyon’s butthole. Once
Itsuki’s hands and fingers began moving, Kyon went crazy, letting out another
string of very loud moans.
“Damn – it – Itsu – ki – I’m – gon – na,” but before Kyon could finish his
sentence, Itsuki pulled away.
Chuckling at the look of confusion on his lover’s face, Itsuki said, “We still
have far too many clothes on.”
Although he was blushing immensely, Kyon allowed Itsuki to pull down both his
pants and boxers and take them off his body entirely. In return, he pulled off
the esper’s boxers and was treated to, for the first time, his lover’s full
naked glory. Repositioning themselves once again, Kyon lay down on his back
with Itsuki over him on all fours. Itsuki’s legs, which were between Kyon’s,
slowly began nudging his lover’s legs apart and slid a knee gently to rub
against Kyon’s erection.
“Ngh,” Kyon let out a frustrated groan. “Stop teasing me already.”
“Whatever you say,” Itsuki replied, instantly lowering himself and brushing his
erection fiercely right into Kyon’s. Both teens let out moans of pleasure
simultaneously. As Itsuki began slowly rocking their bodies together, Kyon
wrapped his legs around the esper’s waist, ensuring he wouldn’t lose one moment
of that delicious friction. Steadily, their pace grew as pleasure slowly caused
Itsuki to lose control until he was thrusting their cocks against each other as
hard and fast as he possibly could.
All too soon, Kyon felt that spring coiling to its limit inside of him, and he
came violently on their chests in white, hot spurts. Feeling satiated, he was
almost content to allow the dream to end, but he noticed that his lover had yet
to come. Without hesitating, he rolled Itsuki onto his back and slid down his
lover’s body. Before the esper’s mind had time to register what was happening,
Kyon took as much of Itsuki’s cock into his mouth as he could and attempted to
mirror the ministrations from the previous night. He twirled his tongue around
the long shaft, hummed deep in his throat, and teased Itsuki’s balls with one
of his hands.
“Oh, fuck, Kyon!’” Itsuki shouted mere moments after Kyon began and orgasmed
into the awaiting mouth. Instantly, the normal teen felt himself fading away
again and knew that his biggest regret this time would be not having seen
Itsuki’s expression of pleasure as he came.
Kyon awoke the next morning feeling annoyed due to the dry, sticky mess he
found on his stomach. Apparently, his dream had been so good that he had
ejaculated in real life as well. As he recalled the dream, his cock sprang up
with excitement. Sighing in resignation, Kyon headed for the shower, knowing he
was going to be missing breakfast again that morning.
School was boring as normal that day, and Haruhi had apparently forgiven him
enough to talk to him during break and lunch. It wasn’t until the S.O.S.
Brigade meeting after school that he found out why. When they were gathering
research (i/e: spying on unsuspecting female students) the day afore, Haruhi
and company had gotten some useful leads on who the girl they were looking for
might be. A few of the game club members were female, so they were going to
start there. As Haruhi went over the details (burst into that clubroom and
demand to see every female member), Kyon took the chance to observe Itsuki. He
looked a little tired but other than that seemed perfectly fine.
“Suzumiya Haruhi,” Yuki interrupted the brigade leader in her quiet voice, much
to everyone’s surprise. “Might I suggest going on this search without Kyon as
he already knows the identity of the person we are looking for.”
“Great idea Yuki!” Haruhi exclaimed. “It’d make things more interesting. But we
can’t leave him alone to sneak off and secretly meet with her.” She seemed to
go into thought then, surveying the list in her hand and the two other girls in
the clubroom periodically. She seemed to make her decision after critically
glancing back and forth between Yuki and her list about half a dozen times.
“Yuki, you stay here and baby-sit Kyon.”
“Understood,” Yuki said and watched in silence as Haruhi finished communicating
her plans before rushing out the door with the esper and the girl from the
future.
“You planned this, didn’t you?” Kyon asked shifting around in his chair to a
more comfortable position.
“I did,” Yuki stated. “I need to have a talk with you about Suzumiya Haruhi.
Regardless of the fruitlessness of her current search, she will eventually
learn the identity of the person you are in love with. And when she does, she
will be far angrier than she was two days ago when you turned her down. Keep
this in mind.”
“You know who it is?” Kyon replied incredulously. He hadn’t thought he was that
obvious, and Haruhi hadn’t seemed to notice the truth in the least bit.
However, Yuki’s job was to observe, so she probably noticed more than most
others, and Haruhi was fairly oblivious to all but her own desires. So, he was
probably safe for now.
“Of course,” came Yuki’s short reply.
“Why the warning though? He doesn’t even know how I feel. The only place where
he does know is in my dreams,” the brown-haired male said, each word sounding
softer and sadder. It wasn’t as though he didn’t like the dreams, no they were
wonderful. The only bad part about them was knowing that they would eventually
end, and he would have to wake up the reality of living in a world where Itsuki
didn’t return or even have the slightest idea about his love. As he was
rejecting Haruhi, Kyon knew perfectly well that there was a very good chance
that the esper would reject him the same way, provided he ever found out. In
some ways, he was worse off than Haruhi, because he didn’t have the
overwhelming confidence to make another person love you that she seemed to
possess.
“Just be careful.”
After that, Yuki stopped talking, and they spent the rest of the day in
silence. As she read her book, Kyon reluctantly pulled out a deck of cards and
began playing solitare, thinking about Yuki’s warning all the while. If it was
only a matter of time before Haruhi found out about his crush, he should
probably come up with a plan to either stop her or elongate the waiting period,
but he couldn’t think of anything that would work short of going out with her.
And it was hard to muster up the motivation to try harder when he already knew
the end result. Of course Yuki was right; Haruhi pretty much always got what
she wanted in the end. Not liking it, Kyon knew he’d just have to settle for
his nightly dreams, even though they weren’t real. More than anything, Kyon
wanted Itsuki for real.
And that’s how the next several weeks continued. During the day, Haruhi was on
a non-stop search for the “girl” Kyon was in love with, leading the S.O.S.
Brigade off on many wild goose chases. Kyon would be left alone in the clubroom
with one of the other three as a babysitter and often felt guilty about the
fact that he was the cause of all this, but Itsuki had said on more than one
occasion that there was nothing to worry about. Because Haruhi was putting so
much concentration and energy into that one task, there had been a great
decrease in the number of enclosed spaces that had been appearing.
And at night, his dreams continued. Kyon could swear that they were getting
more real every time. Every morning, he would wake up wondering how the hell
his subconscious had gotten so creative. Unfortunately, the dreams were also
starting to get extremely frustrating, because they never went all the way. He
definitely wanted it bad enough, but Dream Itsuki refused to take it to the
next level.
Finally, one night, he couldn’t take it anymore. As soon as he felt the esper
crawl into bed, Kyon rolled them over so that he was on top. Taking a hold of
Itsuki’s face lovingly, he said, “Please, Itsuki. Tonight, I want to feel you
inside me.”
A flash of some kind of emotion passed through Itsuki’s eyes, and he groaned.
Kyon’s eyes held a pleading expression, and the esper’s resolve quickly
crumbled. Sighing, he said, “You don’t know what you’re asking…”
His words failed to match his actions once again as he pulled Kyon down for
another passionate kiss. As their tongues danced together, Itsuki rolled them
over once again, quickly breaking the kiss to remove Kyon’s shirt. He attached
his lips to Kyon’s neck and, abandoning all caution, began nipping hard enough
to leave a mark. Kyon moaned as the esper’s hands to moved to play with his
nipples. After sucking Kyon’s neck to his satisfaction, Itsuki began kissing
his way lower. But a hand threaded itself in his hair and pulled him back for
another kiss. As their tongues danced together, Itsuki snaked his left hand
down and around Kyon’s covered erection, to brush his fingers along the line
cleft in his lover’s ass.
Kyon gasped. Itsuki smirked and whispered into his lover’s ears, “Where’s the
lube?”
Blushing, Kyon reached behind his head and under his pillow to pull out a
completely full tube, never even been opened. Itsuki took it and set it aside
for later. He pulled off his own shirt before leaning down to capture Kyon’s
lips and began thrusting their hips together yet again, causing both of them to
moan loudly into the kiss. Eventually, he pulled away gasping for breath and
already painfully hard. Without thinking, his hands undid Kyon’s pants’
drawstrings, and he pulled them off, leaving the young man underneath him clad
in nothing but boxers. The sight of a flushed-face, dazed-eyes, and tented
boxers struck Itsuki with a fun, little idea.
He leaned down and took the cloth-covered head into his mouth, while wrapping
one hand around the shaft and the other cupped the balls. As the esper began
pumping his hand up and down, he licked and sucked the head. Kyon twisted his
hands in the sheets as he groaned in pleasured torture. It was too much and at
the same time, not enough. And then, he was coming in his boxers.
As he relaxed into an euphoric stupor, Itsuki took the chance to remove their
remaining clothing and throw it into the growing pile on the floor. Then, he
grabbed the lube and squeezed some onto his fingers. Spreading Kyon’s legs
father apart, he managed to easily slide his first finger into the puckered
hole. Unfortunately, the muscles tensed up instantly, making it almost
impossible for Itsuki to move his finger around. Kissing along the inside of
Kyon’s thighs, the esper said, “You need to relax.”
Kyon could only nod slightly as he attempted to relax. The muscles around his
finger loosened a bit but not nearly enough, so Itsuki took another approach.
He wrapped his free hand around Kyon’s still limp cock and began pumping
quickly as he took one of the sacs into his mouth. As Kyon was distracted by
these ministrations, Itsuki slid in a second finger and began scissoring them
through the tight passage. Soon, he added another finger. Despite the
pleasurable distractions, Kyon’s butt muscles tightened again as they were
unused to the intrusion. And despite Itsuki’s best efforts, Kyon’s cock
remained only half-erect.
As his fingers continued moving inside Kyon, Itsuki looked for that bundle of
nerves that would take all the discomfort away. As soon as his finger brushed
the spot, he knew because Kyon screamed out his name. After that, Itsuki
quickly brought Kyon’s cock back to a full erection by attacking his prostate
continuously.
“Itsuki, want you, inside me,” Kyon groaned.
Removing his fingers in compliance, Itsuki covered his own erection with the
lube, hooked Kyon’s legs over his shoulders, positioned something much larger
than his fingers at Kyon’s entrance and slowly pushed himself into Kyon until
he was all the way in. Then, he paused to allow his lover to get used to his
size as Kyon’s muscles tensed up around him again. However, the tight heat
surrounding him was slowly chipping away at his self-control.
Soon, Kyon wiggled his hips a bit, and Itsuki took this as the okay to begin
moving. On the first few thrusts, he focused on slowly sliding in out to
prepare Kon just a bit more. Then, he sped up, aiming his thrusts at that
sensitive bundle of nerves. Screaming at the top of his lungs, Kyon wrapped his
arms around Itsuki’s neck and pulled his head down for a breath-stealing kiss.
“Harder, faster, please,” Kyon begged when he broke their kiss. The last shreds
of Itsuki’s self-control were destroyed and began pounding his lover as fast
and hard as he could. Inside both of them, a coil tightened further and further
until it could tighten no more and was forced to let go. Kyon came first,
screaming Itsuki’s name. After a few more well-timed thrusts, Itsuki orgasmed
into Kyon’s tight hole, screaming his lover’s name.
Slowly pulling out, Itsuki rolled off Kyon and allowed the other to snuggle
into him. As they fell into content afterglow, Kyon realized he had never
actually truly confessed to Dream Itsuki and found himself not wanting to. No,
if he ever actually said those three little words, he would say them to the
real Itsuki.
When Kyon awoke the next morning, he felt far more content than he ever had in
his life. He also felt a warm body next to him and automatically snuggled
closer to that pleasant warmth. It took him a few minutes to actually realize
that there shouldn’t be another very male and very naked body pressed up
against him. After a mini mental panic attack, Kyon looked up, saw Itsuki’s
face, and instantly calmed down. So, it hadn’t been a dream after all, probably
none of the other dreams were actually dreams either. Of course, he had a lot
of questions, but the warmth now blooming in his chest told him those could
wait until later.
After a few more minutes, the esper’s eyes slowly fluttered open and looked
down lovingly at Kyon. He leaned his head forward to engage his lover in a
slow, meaningful kiss. Rolling himself away and propping his head on his hand,
Kyon said, “I love you, Itsuki.”
“Yeah, I know,” Itsuki replied closing his eyes with something akin to bliss.
“I love you, too.” And all was quiet, all was perfect for just a few moments
until Itsuki’s eyes shot open in horror. He had just realized what was going
on. He was in bed with a fully awake, fully alert Kyon. It had been risky with
nighttime caresses that Kyon had assumed were dreams when he awoke in the
morning. Now, the situation was supremely dangerous. He couldn’t have a real
relationship with Kyon, no matter how much he wanted one. The agency wouldn’t
allow it because Suzumiya Haruhi would likely be angered enough to destroy the
entire freaking world.
With no more than a wistful glance at his soon to be former lover, Itsuki tore
himself out of bed, put on some clothes, and hopped out the window, leaving a
hurt but comprehending Kyon behind. As hundreds of knives stabbed themselves
into his heart, Kyon got up and kneeled down next to the pile of clothes on the
floor. In his haste, Itsuki had left his own shirt behind. Picking it up, Kyon
hugged it close before hiding it deep in the bowels of his closet, knowing it
might very well be the one and only memento he’d ever have if he couldn’t
convince the esper that they were worth the risk. Because now that he knew what
it felt like to be with Itsuki, he was more than sure a real relationship with
Itsuki was worth any risk.
When he got to class, Haruhi stared at him, as if she knew something had
happened, knew her hold on him had weakened even further. However, he ignored
her and her stare all day. After all, he had a self-imposed mission to
accomplish now as well, and he didn’t want to waste time worrying about her. At
the club meeting after school, Kyon managed to convince Haruhi to leave Itsuki
behind. Yuki had helped him a bit in that endeavor. And as soon as the girls
were gone, Kyon pounced.
“We need to talk,” Kyon growled, having backed Itsuki into a literal corner.
“We can’t. Suzumiya-san wants you.”
“So, I have to let her control every aspect of my life now? I don’t care what
she wants. I care what I want and I care what you want. So, unless you can
honestly tell me that you neither want me or love me anymore, I’ll continue
pursuing you.”
“Kyon…” Itsuki tried to say something, more reasons why they shouldn’t be
together, but he couldn’t. The look in Kyon’s eyes stopped him.
“You told me that even your precious, all-powerful Haruhi can’t change my
feelings. You know how much I love you. All I want to know is if you feel the
same.”
“I do, but we can’t go any further. Those nighttime visits can’t continue any
longer, and we can’t become something more. It has to be enough for me.”
“Well, it’s never going to be enough for me. I don’t care about Haruhi’s
reaction anymore. I want a real relationship with you.”
“I know,” Itsuki said softly. “I know.” He couldn’t meet Kyon’s gaze, because
if he did, what little resolve he had left would crumble into tiny, non-
existent pieces. However, Kyon was relentless, and soon, Itsuki found himself
looking back at the other teen, into those warm, loving brown eyes. Before he
could stop himself, the esper was pulling Kyon toward him and into a passionate
kiss.
~
Meanwhile, in another part of the school, Haruhi was getting extremely annoyed.
She had searched for weeks, gone through every girl in school, but found
nothing. None of the girls fit Kyon’s description, even though it was rather
vague in most areas. However, she’d never actually asked him what school the
girl attends. New plan in mind, the brown-haired girl grabbed Mikuru’s and
Yuki’s hands and began dragging them back to the clubroom.
“Suzumiya-san, where are we going?” Mikuru cried out as she stumbled over her
own two feet repetitively, almost falling over completely more than once. Yuki
merely puttered after in silence, a sinking feeling in her chest.
“We need more details about this girl from Kyon,” Haruhi answered, pulling them
down the hallway to the literature room. Within seconds, she was slamming the
door open and shouting, “Kyon, you need to tell me where this mystery girl goes
to school, because none of the girls at North High fit the de – scrip – tion…”
Of all things she expected to see upon opening the clubroom door, Kyon and
Itsuki making out was not one of them. True enough, they stopped as soon as the
door had been slammed open. But it didn’t take a genius to figure out what had
been going on when two teens with mussed up hair were wrapped tightly around
each other and their school uniform jackets lay abandoned on the floor.
“What’s going on here?!” Haruhi screeched at the top of her lungs, grabbing
Itsuki by the collar, attempting to pull him away from Kyon. “Get off of him!”
“Let go of him,” Kyon growled, forcing the brown-haired girl to release her
grip. Once free, Itsuki disentangled himself from Kyon and went to pick up his
jacket.
“Koizumi,” Haruhi’s whole body was shaking with rage as she addressed him.
“Leave. Go away. Get out! Disappear!” She shouted the last words, and powerless
to resist, Itsuki began walking away.
“No!” Kyon shouted, rushing forward and grabbing the young man he loved around
the waist, halting his movements. Everyone stared at the normally quiet teen in
surprise. He had never acted like this before, but he didn’t care. He was
desperate. Glaring at Haruhi, he said, “You are not taking away the one good
thing you’ve ever given me.”
“I’m not an idiot,” Haruhi sounded possessed now, as though by some great evil
but was really her own anger. “He’s the one you’ve been talking about this
whole time. Everything in the profile fits, and you never specified a gender. I
want you Kyon, and I’ll not allow anyone else to have you. I want Koizumi gone,
from our lives, from our thoughts, from our memories, from our everything. And
I want him gone NOW!”
The next thing he knew, he felt like something was attacking his very soul. It
was powerful and causing him great pain. The last thing he remembered before
blacking out was Yuki’s quiet voice saying, “I told you to be careful.”
***** Chapter 3 *****
When Kyon awoke the next morning, he knew something was seriously wrong. He
felt it in the very depths of the soul, but he didn’t know what, and he didn’t
know why. As he got out of bed and slowly began getting ready for school,
realization slowly dawned upon his sleep-clouded mind. Kyon felt as though he
had lost a piece of his soul. There was a large void in his heart that should
not have been there. He couldn’t recall anything that had happened to warrant
such a feeling. Lately, it had been business as usual with his life. Get up,
take a shower, go to school, S.O.S Brigade meeting with Haruhi, Yuki, Mikuru,
and Saya, go home, eat, do homework, mess around, and go to bed. Lather, rinse,
and repeat.
So, why did he feel as though there was now something fundamentally wrong with
his life? How had he been perfectly fine, even happy, yesterday and have his
world crashing down around him today with no reason (good or otherwise)?
Somehow, he had lost something extremely important, maybe even the most
important thing in his life, without being even remotely aware of it.
Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about it. Contemplating when he
couldn’t remember anything would get him nowhere. So, in true Kyon fashion, he
resigned himself to this fact and headed out, skipping breakfast because he
really wasn’t hungry.
“KYOOOOOOOOON!” a voice shouted at him as soon as he stepped on campus. He
turned toward the call to see Saya running toward him, hand waving excitedly,
curly green hair blowing chaotically about. Her red eyes were alight mischief
that gave him the feeling that he was about to be pulled into one of her many
schemes.
Ever since she had transferred, the annoyingly cheerful girl had attached
herself to him, and she’d dragged him into every single disastrous situation
she set up to keep Haruhi entertained. Far more open than any book, Saya had
told him that she was on esper the day they met. He often thought that she had
no secrets. She was always annoying Haruhi, never listening to a single word
that other girl said. But this was apparently acceptable because it kept her
precious creator amused. Often, Kyon found himself wishing for a quieter, more
secretive, less hyper club member, and whenever he did, he felt a pang in his
heart.
Anyway, he stopped and waited for the girl who began talking excitedly about
her latest plan. He didn’t even need to listen, just walk next to her and nod
periodically. Whatever she was planning, he was going to be dragged into it
soon enough, and he’d learn about it then. As they walked, his mind returned to
further contemplating the supreme feelings of loss and how being there with
Saya just felt wrong somehow. There was a thought, an understanding, just on
the edges of his mind. He knew more than he thought, but every time he was
about to grasp it, it just danced away. However, at least one realization would
dawn soon enough.
“What the hell did you do this time?” were the first words Kyon spoke to Haruhi
that day. The second he’d laid eyes on her in the classroom, he just knew that
his feelings were her fault. Somehow, she’d managed to take away the most
important thing in his life.
“What are you talking about?” the brown-haired girl asked, sounding genuinely
confused. To her knowledge, neither her nor Saya’s latest stunts had negatively
affected any of Kyon’s friends. So, what did he have to be angry about?
“What you took from me,” Kyon growled low, leaning closer to her so that their
nosy classmates would not overhear. “I’ve put up with a lot for you, but I
won’t just sit by quietly when my soul feels like it’s been torn in two for no
reason. I know you did something, took something from me, and I want you to
undo it or give it back.”
“I haven’t stolen anything of yours,” Haruhi growled back, much more loudly
than he had. Her volume attracted a lot of attention, but the conversation and
curiosity was put on hold as the homeroom teacher entered the classroom.
Classes and teachers came and went as they normally did, but the breaks in
between were eerily silent. Haruhi stared at Kyon, expecting him to speak
first, but he remained obstinately silent. As far as he was concerned, that
conversation was over and none would start again until Haruhi returned whatever
had split apart his soul. She was powerful and mostly unaware of it, and he
couldn’t force her to do anything, but there was one thing he could do. For
whatever reason, Haruhi had singled Kyon out as her favorite, and she wanted to
possess him. Well, he could take himself away from her. Not entirely, of
course, he didn't want the world to end. He would sit behind her in school,
attend those God-awful brigade meetings and allow himself to be dragged around,
but he wouldn’t speak a single syllable to the girl. Maybe the silent treatment
was childish, but it would work on someone like Haruhi, and that was the point.
As lunchtime rolled around, Kyon decided he was tired of the stared and escaped
the classroom as soon as class was dismissed. He saw a certain red-haired girl
but avoided acknowledging her when he noticed that they were heading in the
same direction: toward the roof. He slowed down to put some distance between
them so she wouldn’t notice them and followed her. He didn’t know why he did
it; he just did. Once he climbed the last few stairs, he noticed the door was
still open and that Saya, Yuki, and Mikuru were having what seemed like a
private conversation. Fighting the oddly overwhelming urge to eavesdrop, Kyon
turned around to leave the way he came until he heard his name.
“How much do you think Kyon has noticed?” Saya asked, her voice was calm but
spoke of restrained anger. “Because of that idiot’s actions, I’m not completely
sure how I’m supposed to act around him. This would have been so much easier if
that idiot had just followed orders.”
“Kyon only knows his own feelings, the only thing Haruhi couldn’t deliberately
erase,” Yuki answered so quietly that Kyon almost couldn’t hear her. “He also
knows she is the cause, but not why or how. You did fine this morning. Continue
to do so unless you want your night job to become exponentially harder.”
“Damn,” Saya said. “I always knew her mood swings were dangerous, but I didn’t
know that one little thing not going her way could cause her powers to spiral
out of control so quickly.”
“It’s not always like that,” Yuki commented. “Normally, her most powerful mood
swings are in some way related to Kyon.”
“And I bet that idiot knew it too,” the girl’s red eyes narrowed into slits and
she glared at something far off in the distance. “Oh, that idiot’s lucky he’s
not dead right now.”
“Don’t call him an idiot!” Mikuru squeaked out in that shy voice of hers she
usually used when trying to defend herself from Haruhi’s onslaught. Obviously,
this time it was used to defend someone else. “He was doing his best. It’s not
easy to ignore what your heart wants most in this world. He tried to keep his
feelings bottled up, but when he found out Kyon-kun felt the same way, he
couldn’t stop himself anymore.”
“That’s beside the point, though,” Saya half-growled. However, Kyon had a
feeling that the growl wasn’t aimed at Mikuru. “He knew what was at risk, and
he completely ignored all of that to follow feelings that were both selfish and
stupid.”
“There’s nothing stupid about love,” Mikuru cried out as she began literally
crying.
“Haruhi’s too powerful for any of us to take those kinds of risks,” Saya stated
matter-of-factly.
“Maybe you’re right,” Mikuru argued through her tears. “But even if she can
change everything else, I’m glad she can’t alter his feelings.”
“You know,” Saya said with an evil-looking smirk. “I have a feeling things
would have changed even if she wasn’t quite so powerful. Even as a normal
human, she’s persistent enough to have made him disappear anyway. So, you see,
your “love is worth it” theory doesn’t hold much water.”
“It doesn’t matter what Haruhi does,” Mikuru refused to give in. Apparently,
she had quite the backbone when standing up to someone who couldn’t destroy the
world and was defending her friends. “Love is always worth the risk. He knew
that, and he was right.”
“That’s why I told him to be careful,” Yuki spoke softly, surprising everyone
who was listening.
“Are you telling me you support this recklessness?” Saya shrieked in disbelief,
backing away from the redhead and stalking toward the silverhead.
“Not entirely,” Yuki admitted. “Her anger and desire toward Kyon can cause
unpredictable results. Although, we were lucky this time, because she focused
all her concentration on getting the biggest threat out of life, we might not
get so lucky again. But I can’t bring myself to fault him for what he did. I,
myself, do not understand love, but I do know that humans can’t live without
it. Saya, your anger is understandable. But you must understand that Mikuru’s
caring and concern is as well.”
After that, the green-haired girl could no longer hold her anger in check and
began ranting like a mad woman. At this point, Kyon knew their conversation
wasn’t over, but he didn’t want or need to hear anymore. Whatever happened this
time wasn’t an accidental consequence of Haruhi’s boredom. She had deliberately
taken away the most important person in his life (apparently a him, if that
conversation was anything to go by, but that wasn’t the point), and she didn’t
even have the courtesy to remember what she had done. No, her life was
perfectly fine now, and she was more than happy to remain ignorant of what
she’d done. Who cared if his life was now completely miserable because there
was a giant gaping hole in his heart? Certainly not Haruhi. Well now, he was
pissed. And two could play at that game.
Leaving as unnoticed by the three girls as he came, Kyon went straight back to
the classroom and sat down, glaring out the window. He locked his mind in its
own little world as he thought about his options. And long before the final
class of the day was over, he had made his decision. Screw the world. Screw the
supernatural humans that gathered around him. Screw Haruhi’s anger. Screw
Haruhi: He would do a lot things for her, but putting up with this was not one
of them. Kyon wanted his life back, whatever that meant, and so after school,
he marched straight out of the classroom and headed straight home without a
moment’s hesitation.
And the following day, he did the same thing. He ignored Haruhi completely,
politely declined Saya’s requests for his help, exchanged greetings with Mikuru
and Yuki, and went straight home after school. And Kyon never broke this
routine. He felt sorry for the worry he was causing Mikuru and sympathetic
toward Saya, who informed him daily of the increasing intensity of the nightly
enclosed spaces. He also felt genuinely worried about the harm the Shinjin
could cause the espers, but he wasn’t worried that much about Saya, so he
couldn’t figure out where that worry came from or where (who) it was directed
at. However, none of that truly mattered, because it didn’t change anything.
Briefly, he had even considered transferring schools, but it was never really
an option. For one, it would remove him from Haruhi’s life entirely, and that
might anger her enough to destroy the entire freaking world. Or, she might find
a new favorite, and he’d be stuck feeling like he was incomplete forever. One
might see this as a possibility even if he was around, but Kyon knew better.
More than anything else, Haruhi hated to lose. So, as long as he was around,
she definitely would not find a new favorite. Another thing, even if he
transferred, she could follow him to his new school, and he didn't even want to
think about where that could lead. So, he continued attending North High.
Anyway, Kyon’s, for lack of a better word, rebellion lasted for more than two
months. He would have liked to say that during that time he never hesitated in
continuing, never thought for one single moment about changing his mind about
what he was doing, but that would have been a lie. Just a little over halfway
through his self-imposed separation from Haruhi, Kyon had honestly considered
giving up. His feelings hadn’t faded and neither had his determination. What
was fading was his hope. Well over a month passed, and nothing happened,
nothing changed. It almost seemed like nothing ever would. However, something
happened to cause his determination to quadruple in size and for him to decide
to not ever change his decision on this separation even if nothing changed
until the day he died.
That day, Kyon was lying in his room feeling pretty hopeless, having no idea
what else he could do. Haruhi was obviously annoyed with him seeing as she was
constantly glaring at the back of his head during class. And she also wanted
him back seeing as she still tried talking to him everyday and sent her brigade
members after him when he refused to respond. However, the brown-haired male
could tell that she was still holding firm in her belief that she hadn’t taken
anything from him, and so, nothing was changing. As he lie in bed, he
desperately wished for some sort of sign, something he could cling to besides
his own feelings, something more substantial than an argument between three of
his fellow brigade members on the school rooftop.
After a very long while, Kyon felt the urge to go dig through his closet. This
confused him beyond all belief, and he ignored it for a while, or at least he
tried to. But the feeling kept nagging at him and just wouldn’t go away.
Finally, he gave in and got off his bed, figuring actively doing something, no
matter how odd, was better than sitting around doing nothing but feeling sorry
for himself. When he opened the door into the messy abyss that was his closet,
he decided to just start cleaning it, surmising he would eventually find what
it was he was looking for. And he was right.
When he was almost entirely done with his closet, Kyon came across a shirt he
knew wasn’t his and that he couldn’t recall ever seeing in his life. However,
when he held it closer and breathed in a completely unfamiliar yet somehow
familiar scent, his heart started skipping beats, butterflies fluttered around
his stomach, and a warm tingling sensation spread throughout his entire body.
Instantly, he somehow knew that this shirt belonged to the “him” Mikuru, Saya,
and Yuki had talked about. And if something so simple as a shirt and scent
could make him feel this happy, Kyon knew it was something worth fighting for.
Haruhi too, had felt conflicting emotions during this time. Over the course of
Kyon’s rebellion, her emotions had fluctuated from anger to longing back to
anger to determination to confusion to hope to desperation. For whatever
reason, life just seemed incredibly boring and awkward without having a certain
sullen teen to drag around all the time. She’d never imagined that the brown-
haired teen’s anger could last so long. She just had to get Kyon back, and she
didn’t care whether it was under her conditions or his anymore. And she knew
what his condition was, she just didn’t know how to fulfill it.
Kyon wanted her to return something she had apparently stolen from him. The
only problem was she didn’t know what the hell she was supposed to return. The
only thing she’d ever taken from him was time, which wasn’t really returnable,
and lunch money, which he always complained but never really truly cared about.
Feeling angry, confused, and desperate simultaneously, Haruhi went to bed one
night, and the unconscious, all-powerful part of her being decided to acquiesce
to whatever it would take to bring Kyon back to her side.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Itsuki sat alone in his room that, although extraordinarily comfortable as far
as rooms go, might as well have been a prison cell. A large room with a decent-
sized conjoined bathroom, accompanying kitchen, comfortable bed, television,
laptop, Wi-Fi, and everything else one could ever need (including a bit of
exercise equipment) quickly lost its appeal when he was confined there all day
everyday. The only time he was allowed to roam outside was when an enclosed
space appeared, which happened every night, which meant Haruhi was unhappy
despite that fact that he was no longer there. The brown-haired esper smiled
fondly, wondering what his love was doing to anger her this time. Of course, a
knife wedged itself deeper into his heart upon every remembrance that it would
have nothing to do with him. From snippets of conversation he overheard between
Saya and the other espers, Kyon didn’t even remember he existed.
Ah. Yes. Saya. She was doing exactly what she was supposed to, fulfilling her
role perfectly. When Haruhi wished him gone, he had left a hole too big to go
unfilled, so the organization had sent Saya, the esper as unlike Itsuki as
anyone could be. With a substitute provided, the power from Haruhi’s desire had
easily filled in the rest. Saya was loud, open, unrefined, and hated taking
orders. She would keep Haruhi entertained in her own way and would act nothing
like Itsuki. Board games bored her, and mind games were far from her forte.
Half the time, she was later to arrive at events than everyone else, and she
couldn’t sit still for long periods of time unless it was absolutely necessary.
But most importantly of all, she was female, and she would never have a
romantic tryst with Kyon. Because that was against the rules, and although she
hated being ordered around, she never broke the rules that mattered most.
However, he had broken the most important rules (possibly all of them), so here
was his punishment. He lived alone in a comfortable apartment that might as
well have been a prison cell for all the freedom he had. Anything he needed was
brought to him, because they couldn’t risk him running into either Haruhi or
Kyon. He was just lucky he was one of the most powerful espers in the
organization, or he would have been placed in a much less desirable holding
cell. But they made up for it by punishing him in other ways. For one, no
matter how tired or injured he was from all the fighting, as long as he could
walk, he was sent to every enclosed space.
Yet, for all of that, Itsuki couldn’t find it in himself to regret what he’d
done. He’d had not one but many wonderfully intimate nights with Kyon, one
amazing day filled with the hope that Kyon could truly be his, and one magical
hour when Kyon really was his. Kyon had loved him so much that Haruhi couldn’t
change his feelings. And even though he had been erased and replaced in their
memories and lives, Itsuki knew that Kyon would never be Haruhi’s lover, even
if he could never be as well. Whoever Kyon eventually fell for this time would
probably be more acceptable to Haruhi. Even though he’d listened to her every
word, she’d never liked him much. Outside of being her mysterious transfer
student, Itsuki knew that Haruhi had often thought of him as being boring. And
Haruhi, as a general rule of thumb, did not like things that were boring.
Anyway, it was one day just over two months after he was imprisoned that he
received two very surprise visitors: Saya and the president of the espers’
organization. It was about five o’clock in the morning when they burst into his
room unannounced. With eyes wide with surprise, he was about to ask what was
going on when something was thrown at him. Confused, he looked down to see he
was now holding his old North High uniform.
“Put that on,” the president said in an abruptly harsh voice, the one reserved
for delivering news he really didn’t want to or really didn’t like. “You’re
going back to school. Saya will fill you in on the details.” Without another
word, he left. Glancing at the green-haired girl, Itsuki noted that she
probably wasn’t going to leave even if he asked. So, he went to change in his
bathroom. When he got back out, Itsuki was going to ask what was going on, but
Saya beat him to the punch.
“You’re extremely lucky,” Saya said in as an unfriendly tone as was possible in
civil conversation. “If it weren’t for Kyon’s stubbornness and Haruhi’s
favoritism, you’d be in here for the rest of your natural born life. I’m sure
you have questions, and I don’t care. I’m just telling you what you need to
know. No one at school knows or remembers you outside of me, Mikuru, and Yuki.
As far as everyone else in concerned, I’ve always been the fifth member of the
S.O.S. Brigade. However, Kyon knew from the very first day I replaced you that
he had lost someone important because of Haruhi. So, he’s been ignoring her
existence ever since then, and last night, she decided to give him what he
wants to get him back in her life. You do not talk to, look at, approach, or
have any other interaction with Kyon or Haruhi unless they approach you first.
You do not tell him about your past unless he specifically asks. You do not
come to the clubroom unless he or Haruhi invites you. Do not speak with Yuki or
Mikuru unless you are invited to join the club. Never ever give Haruhi any
reason to wonder if you’ve ever been at North High before. You know how
essential it is to keep Haruhi Suzumiya happy. This time around, if you break
any of the rules, your punishment will be to be sent to every possible enclosed
space by yourself until the day when you do not come back alive. Do you
understand?”
“Yes,” Itsuki said, more than willing to accept the conditions and consequences
this time around as well. Even if Kyon didn’t remember him and never spoke to
him, getting out of this place and seeing Kyon again would be more than enough
for him. So, he followed Saya outside without another word.
As fate would have it, Itsuki was placed in the same class as Haruhi and Kyon,
but there was no single magical moment during which Kyon suddenly realized his
other half had walked into the room, because Kyon was asleep when Itsuki first
entered the classroom. No, the realization would happen gradually. Itsuki had
walked into the room upon the teacher’s signal, and his eyes had surveyed the
classroom looking for one particular person. When he saw Kyon’s obviously
sleeping form, he smiled softly, brown eyes shining with warmth. Predictably,
the girls in the classroom instantly became fond of their newest classmate.
After a short introduction, Itsuki was assigned to a seat halfway across the
classroom from Kyon, and class continued without any other abnormalities.
However, the second the homeroom teacher left the classroom, the brown-haired
esper was surrounded by girls who thought they had never met him and were eager
to get to know this seemingly gentle, very good-looking new student.
And Haruhi, already feeling as though she’d fulfilled her end of the bargain
for some reason unknown to her conscious mind, took it upon herself to wake
Kyon up and inform him that a second mysterious transfer student had appeared
at their school, heavily implying that he should take a look. Kyon was annoyed
but complied nonetheless, still not talking to her. Not really caring, he
allowed his gaze to follow the path she had pointed out to land on a gaggle of
giggling girls. Obviously, the transfer student was sitting at his desk in the
middle of the group, and with his attention now occupied by them, Kyon was
hearing snatches of their conversation and picked up on a completely unknown
yet extremely familiar voice. Every time he heard the voice, it struck a chord
within him and temporarily filled a little bit of the emptiness that had been
plaguing him for the past few months. Instantly, he wanted to know why and had
every intention of going over there, but the next teacher walked in at the very
moment he moved to get up.
Periodically throughout the class period, Kyon snuck surreptitious glances at
Koizumi, but the mysterious transfer student was always looking away. So, Kyon
was unable to see his entire face, but the feeling that he was slowly regaining
what he had once lost came again just by a simple glimpse of the other teen.
Unfortunately, these feelings were short-lived, fleeting at best, and left him
with a more powerful yearning than ever before. Already knowing that a single
break would not be enough to explore these newfound, confusing feelings of
awful yearning combined with glorious contentment, Kyon decided he would
request (probably outright demand) Itsuki Koizumi’s presence during lunch.
That, too, would not provide him with enough time, but Kyon knew that was as
long as he could wait while receiving no answers.
Haruhi, on the other hand, had all the patience of a teaspoon and was racing
across the classroom as soon as the next class had ended to shove her way
through the crowd of girls so she could command the transfer student’s total
attention. In a voice that rang clear through the entire classroom and probably
down the hall, she said, “You haven’t decided on a club yet, right? Of course
you haven’t; it’s still your first day of school. Anyway, that’s okay, because
you’re joining the S.O.S. Brigade.”
“Uuuuuh,” Itsuki wasn’t sure how to respond to that, seriously not expecting an
attack from Haruhi so soon. As luck would have it, Saya had come in to make
sure Itsuki was following the preset rules; she was going to watch him like a
hawk. Of course, the green-haired girl had heard Haruhi’s, for lack of a better
word, invitation.
“Why do you want Itsuki so badly?” Saya asked sidling up next to Haruhi,
wincing at her unintentional use of his first name.
“You know each other?” Haruhi asked in a voice that was both surprised and
excited. “Oooh. This is perfect. An unknown connection exists between our two
mysterious transfer students.”
“We just happen to run into each other every so often during our mutual part-
time job,” Saya said, sweatdropping. “There’s nothing mysterious about that,
Haruhi.”
“Doesn’t matter,” Haruhi replied waving her off. “Itsuki Koizumi, you have to
join our club.”
“Itsuki,” Saya said warningly.
“I guess,” the brown-haired esper said slowly to give him a bit of extra time
to contemplate the situation as his desire to see Kyon daily was warring with
his mind that knew how little control he really had. “I wouldn’t mind checking
it out.”
“Perfect,” Haruhi said clapping her hands in apparent triumph. “Itsuki, it’ll
be nice to have another guy in the Brigade. Before now, Kyon was the only one
we had. He’s the one sitting the back corner over there glaring at us. That’s
odd. I wonder what’s gotten his panties in a bunch.” Both Itsuki and Saya
turned their heads to see that Kyon was indeed glaring at them and started a
bit at the extremely uncharacteristic behavior.
Sitting across the room, Kyon was extraordinarily unhappy as he watched the
scene unfolding in front of him. Both girls were acting awfully familiar with
the new student. Haruhi was one thing. But Saya? Where did she get off calling
Itsuki by his first name? It made Kyon’s blood boil. Kyon didn’t like it in the
least that all those girls were so close to Itsuki either, not when he hadn’t
even talked to him yet, which made no sense. Why was he getting jealous over a
guy he had never even talked to before? Why was he getting jealous of girls
over a guy period? So much for the waiting plan, he was going to go over there
right then. However, everything was interrupted once again as yet another
teacher walked in to start class.
An hour had never seemed to last so long in his entire life. He felt like he
was going crazy, his eyes glancing back and forth between Koizumi and the clock
every few seconds. Of course, Kyon wasn’t paying the least amount of attention
toward the teacher or her lesson, instead he was wondering what the hell he was
going to say to the new transfer student. All he knew was that he was about to
do something very Haruhi-like. Kyon had already decided that he was going to
ignore all but his own selfish desires and demand to spend the entirety of the
lunch period alone with the transfer student.
And that’s exactly what happened. When lunchtime rolled around, Kyon all but
leaped out of his own seat and was at Itsuki Koizumi’s desk faster than anyone
ever would have guessed. However, the transfer student had already gotten up,
apparently having plans of his own. Kyon didn’t care. He grabbed Koizumi’s
wrist and pulled him out of the classroom as quickly as possible while saying,
“You’re coming with me.”
Kyon dragged Koizumi all the way up to the rooftop and locked the door with a
key he couldn’t remember retrieving. This confused him, but at the moment, he
really didn’t care. Itsuki, on the other hand, was content to follow along
silently, reveling in the feeling of Kyon’s hand on his skin once more. He was
also unsurprised that Kyon had a key. After all, Haruhi had most likely decided
to give Kyon anything he felt he needed or wanted to get him to come back to
the S.O.S. Brigade. Itsuki just wished he really could join their group again.
However, all of that depended on Kyon. What if Kyon didn’t recognize Itsuki as
what he had been waiting for? If not, all of this would have been for nothing.
And even if he did, would Kyon remember him or their time together? And if he
didn’t remember, could Itsuki bear that pain?
After the door was locked, silence stretched between the two as they stood
there, unsure of what to say. Kyon stared at the door as Itsuki stared at the
point at which their bodies connected. However, as the silence continued, the
esper’s contentment slowly gave way to unease and worry. He had hopes, but no
real ideas, as to why Kyon had dragged him all the way up there, and the other
boy didn’t seem as though he was going to speak anytime soon. Deciding in a
wave of impulsiveness to break the ice, Itsuki pulled away from Kyon, leaned
against the nearest railing, and asked a question he already knew the answer
to, “Is every member of the of this S.O.S. Brigade extremely pushy or is that
just you, Saya, and Haruhi?”
“Don’t do that,” Kyon growled so softly that Itsuki almost didn't hear him.
“Don’t do what?” he asked even more confused than before. What had he done to
warrant any measure of anger?
“Don’t call girls’ names so familiarly,” Kyon demanded, turning around and
stalking toward Itsuki. “When I haven’t even heard you say my name yet!”
“Kyon?” Itsuki really wasn’t sure what else to say as he tried to squash the
rising hope inside of him that Kyon had been jealous of the two girls.
“Tell me,” Kyon demanded, slamming his fists into Itsuki’s chest, his forehead
following shortly after. His voice cracked with untold desperation. “What the
hell did Haruhi do this time? I’m not the type to fall in love at first sight,
so I know I’ve known you before. Tell me why all I have to do is look at you or
hear your voice, and the gaping void in my heart and soul feels healed yet at
the same time it leaves me yearning for so much more! Tell me why you ever
left!”
To say Itsuki was surprised would have been extreme understatement. He wanted
to answer Kyon but he couldn’t. First, his body and mind had been frozen by the
realization that while Kyon still had feelings for him, he had completely
forgotten about their time together. And then, his body’s reactions went into
overdrive as it realized just the position he was in. Kyon was far too
distracting for proper thinking. It had been too long since Itsuki had last
seen, heard, smelt, touched, tasted the person he loved. He couldn’t
concentrate on anything else. And so, even though it was nowhere close to the
answer Kyon sought, the esper took hold of the other’s chin and tilted his head
up to capture Kyon’s lips in a desperate kiss. Kyon let out a groan which
Itsuki couldn’t identify as encouragement or protest. Either way, Itsuki
couldn’t stop himself from nipping violently at Kyon’s lips until they parted
and forcing his tongue into the other’s mouth. As the esper explored the
achingly familiar, sweet taste he knew as Kyon, Kyon’s tongue moved quickly to
entangle with his own, telling Itsuki that the kiss wasn’t entirely one-sided.
Encouraged by that thought, Itsuki wrapped an arm around Kyon’s waist and
pulled him as close as humanly possible. Kyon moved his own hands and entangled
them in Itsuki’s hair. He didn’t know why, but Kyon found himself feeling like
everything was right with the world, just because he was kissing this new,
mysterious transfer student. He never wanted to let go, and neither did Itsuki
for that matter. However, the taller teen soon felt a dangerous twinge in his
heart and quickly disentangled from the other with a disappointed sigh.
“Why did you stop?” Kyon asked sounding hurt, confused, wistful, and
disappointed all at the same time.
“Because if we hadn’t stopped there, I wouldn’t have been able to,” Itsuki
replied, unable to stop himself from pulling Kyon into a comforting hug after
hearing the hurt in his tone. His heart was trembling with a growing hope that
Itsuki did not want himself to feel. There was just so much both right and
wrong with this whole situation that he wanted to cry. Kyon was accepting his
actions without zero hesitation, but there was no recollection in his eyes,
just relief. So, while the esper’s heart trembled with hope, it also clenched
with pain of knowing he had been completely forgotten. Such a combination was
far worse than the pain by itself would have been.
“Oh,” was all Kyon was able to say. The younger teen could see the hope, love,
and hopelessness that were in Itsuki’s eyes. It was quite obvious that he was
in pain, and Kyon desperately wanted to ease the other teen’s pain. But, he had
no idea how to even begin to do that, and his own heart clenched painfully with
the knowledge that he could not help the one he knew without a doubt he loved.
But perhaps, if he knew a bit more, an idea would come to him. So, Kyon did the
only thing he could, he asked, “What’s our story?”
At this question, Itsuki’s expression contorted with agony for a brief instant,
and he was unable to speak. Kyon’s own expression spasmed with concern when he
saw this. Their eyes met briefly, and Kyon suddenly understood the cause of
Itsuki’s pain. However, he couldn’t remember what had happened no matter how
hard he tried, so the esper was the only one who knew their whole story. And
so, even knowing the other was about to refuse because of how agonizing it
would be to tell their story, Kyon looked up with a beseeching expression and
said, “Please.”
“Until a little over two months ago,” Itsuki began his story in a hushed,
rushed voice that did nothing to mask his pain. “I was the fifth member of the
S.O.S. Brigade. But Haruhi became angry and wished me gone. So, I was replaced
by Saya both physically and in everyone’s memories.”
“But she’s nothing like you.” Kyon may not have remembered their time together,
but his heart instinctively knew that he was right.
“That’s exactly the point,” Itsuki replied with a sad smile, very slightly
cheered up by the fact that his love remembered at least that much. “Several
weeks before that, Haruhi asked you out, and you turned her down because you
loved me. She spent the following weeks looking for a girl based on a
description she forced out of you and was beyond livid when she found out the
person you loved was me. I would have disappeared from your lives forever if
you hadn’t felt anything once I was gone.”
“Don’t say loved as in the past tense,” Kyon growled. He may not remember
anything from the past, but he knew damn well what he was feeling in the
present. “I love you. And I asked for our story, meaning no Haruhi attached.”
“I’m sorry,” Itsuki said, looking away. “I can’t. I know that you love me, but
it just feels too different compared to in the past. If I tell you the rest,
I’ll hope for more, and I don’t think I can take it. I don’t even know if I can
handle the pain of being with you when you don’t remember me. This is much
harder than I had anticipated, I’d already resigned myself to merely watching
you from afar.”
“So, basically,” Kyon responded with a blunt tone that clashed with the fire in
his eyes. “You’re saying that you don’t think I do or will love you as much now
as I did then, because I don’t remember our beginning.”
“You haven’t forgotten just our beginning,” Itsuki replied, still not able to
look Kyon in the eyes. “You’ve completely forgotten me, as a person. You say
you love me when you don’t even know me.”
“But I did know you,” Kyon argued. “And I will again. And maybe my mind forgot
you, but my heart and soul never did, never could. So the only way you can stop
me from pursuing you, this, us, is to tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
“That would obviously be a lie,” the esper said, finally looking up again.
Another sad smile was gracing his features, but it seemed a bit less sad than
the last one. “I’ll always love you.”
“That’s good,” Kyon said, and it was his turn to pull Itsuki into a kiss. Soon,
they were locked in a position both bodies knew well: pressed together as close
as humanly possible, one of the esper’s hands tight around the other’s waist
while the other entangled itself in dark brown hair, Kyon’s hands grasping
anywhere they could, and mouths together in a hot, fiery, passionate kiss. As
their bodies moved closer and their kisses grew longer, Kyon felt something
else stir up inside him. It was a need, a need to be closer to Itsuki, to be
doing more than just kissing.
“BBBBRRRRRR-IIIIIIIING!!” The school bell rang, signaling the end of lunch and
the end of their first solitary reunion. With simultaneous sighs, the two
disentangled themselves and began heading back to the classroom.
“After school, would you be willing to walk home with me and stay for a bit at
my house?” Kyon asked softly when they were about halfway back to the
classroom.
“Of course,” Itsuki said without hesitation. He may not know if his heart would
be able to endure, but he knew that, at the very least, he had to try. “May I
ask why?”
“Because, I’m going to prove to you that while it may not be the same, the
intensity of my feelings have not dulled in the slightest,” Kyon answered. “I
love you far more than you’re willing to let yourself believe.”
“Oh,” was all Itsuki could reply, and after that, the rest of their walk back
to the classroom was spent in silence. After school let out, both males had no
real choice but to allow themselves to be dragged to the clubroom by Haruhi.
After all, Kyon had a promise to keep, and Itsuki had rules to follow and a god
to keep happy. Saya was not happy when she saw the three of them enter the room
and trained a glare on her fellow epser. In return, he gave her one of his
mischievous smiles that said he was following the rules set for him. The
reactions from the last two members of the brigade were considerably different.
“I’m so happy,” Mikuru had squealed, tears in her eyes, in the middle of making
tea. She’d run over to them and given both of them happy, excited hugs. She had
been worried about Kyon and missed Itsuki a very great deal. But now that he
was back, she knew the two of them were going to be just fine.
“Don’t mess it up this time,” Yuki had stated this quietly, not looking up from
her book but not missing the understanding nod from Kyon. That one statement
was all the concern or opinion she would ever show on the matter. She just
hoped, for all their sakes, that Haruhi could accept the relationship this time
around. Kyon didn’t know why he understood what she meant, but he just accepted
it. Apparently, there were a lot of important events that he had forgotten
about the developing of his relationship with Itsuki.
“What is going on?” Haruhi asked, hating the fact that she seemed to be the
only one in the dark.
“It would seem as though Mikuru and Yuki know Itsuki as well,” Saya replied
with a derisive snort. Two seconds in the clubroom, and they were already
causing Haruhi’s mood to fluctuate dangerously. It may not have been much, but
any fluctuations in Haruhi’s mood were potentially earth shattering.
“We met at the park a while ago,” Yuki said bluntly, starting to recite a story
that had just appeared for the purpose of explanation. “Mikuru tripped, and
Koizumi came over to make sure she was okay. After that, we went to a café and
found we got along quite well. Since then, we have been keeping in contact
through electronic communication. We were surprised to hear that Koizumi would
be transferring to this school.”
“But what did you mean by ‘don’t mess it up this time’?” Haruhi persisted.
Message already having been delivered and understood, Yuki had no problems
answering this question with a lie as well. It could also serve well to quickly
test how this Haruhi would feel about a relationship between the only two male
members of the brigade. “Kyon seems to have fallen for our mysterious new
transfer student rather suddenly, and Koizumi is gay. However, he wasn’t
careful enough, and his last relationship ended horribly. I was warning him not
to do the same with Kyon.”
“Oh. That makes sense,” Haruhi said, sounding only mildly interested. Then, her
face took on a frightening expression as she turned on Itsuki. “You damn well
better be careful. I just Kyon back here, and I don’t want you going and
messing it all up. Capiche?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Itsuki said with a falsely surprised expression and a mock
salute. This seemed to amuse Haruhi, as she laughed when he did so, and the
rest of the meeting progressed in peace, Saya holding her tongue all the while
only because their ridiculous, teenage god was in a good mood.
After the meeting had ended for the day, Kyon left the clubroom in a hurry,
lest Haruhi change her mind, and Itsuki followed silently after. At first, they
were merely walking side by side, but that changed soon after they were out of
sight of the school. Without thinking, Kyon took ahold of Itsuki’s hand and
squeezed it lovingly. Shocked, the esper did nothing more than look down at
their hands as a blush bloomed on his face. A few seconds later, he looked up
again and saw an oddly contented smile on his love’s face. And for the first
time, he allowed himself to hope just a little more and believe just a little
more in Kyon’s words of promise.
When they arrived at Kyon’s house, his family was at home. So, they had to go
through the traditional meet and greet process. Of course, Itsuki was his
normal charming self, so Kyon’s little sister and parents both wanted to speak
with this newly introduced “friend” more than was necessary. However, Itsuki
could sense that Kyon was quickly running out of patience, so he politely
excused himself with promises to stay until dinner and speak with them then.
Then, he followed Kyon up the achingly familiar pathway to his bedroom.
As soon as they were inside, Kyon shut and locked the door to keep his family
from interrupting. Then, he stalked over to his closet and began ruffling
around inside as Itsuki stood there wondering what the other teen thought could
possibly be in there to prove his claims. And then, Kyon stood up holding out
something Itsuki had thought he’d lost a long time ago. The esper had never
even considered that it might be in Kyon’s possession.
“About two months ago, I woke up one morning feeling like the most important
thing in my life had been ripped away from me, and after seeing Haruhi, I knew
it was her fault,” Kyon said. “So, I did the only thing I could think of to
punish her enough to make her give it…you back. I took myself out of her life
as entirely as I could. But it wasn’t easy seeing the distressed looks from
Mikuru and Yuki or being persistent in my ignoring of Haruhi. The anguish of
losing you was one thing, but fighting Haruhi also meant I had to hope you
would somehow return, even though I had no clue what I was fighting for. At
times, it seemed hopeless, and I might have given up. But then I found this,
and then I knew that I would never, could never give up.”
“I see,” Itsuki said with a small, seemingly happy smile, unable to calm the
hope and love for Kyon that was welling up inside of him, threatening to take
control of his entire. “Even though you can be quite stubborn, you were never
able to out stubborn Haruhi. And of all things to finally give you the strength
to not give up, it was something as stupid as my t-shirt.”
“It’s not stupid,” Kyon said blushing. “It’s the one thing I had of you, the
only concrete thing that represented what I had lost to Haruhi’s selfishness.
When I found it, I felt happiness and something else worth fighting for
forever. Now, will you believe me when I tell you that I love you and that the
intensity of those feelings have never and will never fade?”
“Yeah,” Itsuki said, the size of his smile stayed the same, but the intensity
of it changed drastically. Suddenly, he was beaming, and his eyes shown with
nothing but the love that he felt for Kyon. “It’s okay if you don’t remember
our beginning.” And surprisingly, he meant it. Of course, it still hurt that
Kyon wouldn’t remember, but it was now okay for him not to.
“Will you tell me anyway?” Kyon asked, not quite pleadingly but still
imploringly. He put the shirt down then and sat on the bed; Itsuki followed
closely after.
“Ungh,” the esper couldn’t stop himself from groaning or the blush from
blossoming brightly on his cheeks as he considered actually granting that
request. But then, he thought about it and realized just how bad it would sound
once he said it out loud. “It’s going to sound really, really bad. Creepy,
stalker-pervert sort of bad.”
“I figured it wouldn’t be a normal sort of story from what I know of our group
and what little you told me earlier,” Kyon replied comfortingly. “But whatever
happened, I still want to know.”
Looking everywhere but at Kyon’s face, Itsuki began by saying, “Six months ago,
Haruhi became obsessed with yaoi.”
“I remember that,” Kyon said. “She brought practically an entire library of
yaoi novels and manga into the clubroom.”
“And the part that you don’t remember is that she forced us to pose together
for pictures,” Itsuki replied as the blush burned even brighter as he thought
about what else he was about to say, but he knew he owed Kyon the whole truth.
“And then two months later, the day you turned her down, I allowed myself to
hope, just a little bit, that maybe you had rejected her because you loved me.
The night after that day, I visited your bedroom, and you basically confessed.
That night ended with just a kiss, but the subsequent ones did not. We did much
more than just kiss. You believed they were dreams, and I wasn’t inclined to
change that, because Haruhi still wanted you, and I was already treading on a
dangerous line. I came to you every night and left before morning, until the
night when you finally convinced me to go all the way. That night, I didn’t
leave. Although, the next morning, I did panic and run away after we had both
awoken. That day, you cornered me in the clubroom after school, and I finally
gave in completely to my desire for you. But Haruhi caught us, and she wanted
me gone. So, I was forced to go. Then, I was erased from everyone’s memories,
and Saya was sent to replace me, because she’s my opposite in almost every
way.”
“So…we’ve already had sex?” Kyon asked incredulously. How could he forget
something like that?
“Yes,” Itsuki answered, blushing even more.
“Mutiple times from the sound of it,” Kyon commented, taking this information
much better than either of them expected. “But there was actual penetration
only the one time.”
“Yes,” the esper confirmed, the blush blooming further again.
“Who was on top?” Kyon asked with a teasing smile, finally understanding why
people liked to tease the people they loved. The blush on Itsuki’s face was
just too cute for words.
“I was,” Itsuki answered with a smirk of his own as he looked straight into
Kyon’s eyes, finally regaining his own footing. Although, the effect was a bit
damaged by the fact that the intense blush was still present on his cheeks.
“Anything else you left out?” Kyon asked, leaning forward toward his lover.
“Only small details,” Itsuki answered, also leaning in.
“Good,” Kyon said with a smile as he closed the rest of the distance between
them. The two began kissing again with passion and feeling even greater than
what they had shared on the rooftop during lunchtime. Their kisses quickly
evolved to a full on make-out session, but it didn’t go farther than that on
that particular night. Neither were ready to go that far again, but soon they
would be. And in the future, the two were incredibly happy together. Kyon never
did remember their beginning, and sometimes that knowledge hurt both of them.
But they got through it because both of them knew how much the loved each
other, and the loss of those memories was a price that both were more than
willing to pay so long as they could stay together forever.
As for Haruhi, she accepted their relationship, because Kyon kept his end of
the deal. He returned to her side, not completely in the capacity that she
truly wanted, but he attended the brigade meetings and events and listened to
most of her orders, though he did complain often enough. That first night after
he had returned to the S.O.S. Brigade and for many to come, there were no
enclosed spaces. With the two mysterious transfer students and Kyon to
entertain her, the brown-haired girl was quite content with her life. Itsuki
had become instantly interesting this time around because he provided Haruhi
with two very opposite personality people to mess around with. Of course, there
were still days when she was bored or had violent mood swings, but it was
nothing the esper’s organization couldn’t handle. And since the unaware, all-
powerful supreme ruler of the world / universe was happy, Itsuki and Kyon were
allowed to continue their relationship indefinitely.
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