Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/123428.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Big_Wolf_on_Campus
  Relationship:
      Tommy_Dawkins/Merton_Dingle
  Character:
      Tommy_Dawkins, Merton_Dingle
  Series:
      Part 3 of graduation
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-10-03 Words: 2242
****** Like You Did Before ******
by carolinecrane
Summary
     Tommy and Merton finally figure it out.
Tommy keeps his arm tight around Merton all the way back to the Lair, like he's
afraid Merton's going to make a break for it if he lets go even for a second.
He knows Merton won't run – he wouldn't do that, and anyway, where would he go?
Not that that makes Tommy feel any better, so he squeezes just a little tighter
and gives the other boy a smile he hopes looks casual when Merton looks over at
him.
"You're sure you're okay?" he asks, but Tommy knows he's not really expecting
an answer so he just concentrates on the sound of that voice. He knows he
should be used to the sound of his best friend's voice, but every time is
something new, some new cliché from a romance novel that Tommy would never,
ever say out loud but he means all the same. It makes him want to laugh, but
Merton wouldn't understand that so instead he just smiles and lets Merton move
out of the circle of his arm long enough to close the door.
He looks nervous, Tommy decides as he watches Merton moving around the room,
rearranging things on his desk and touching his bookshelves like he's expecting
to find some kind of script written on them. And it's never been like this
between them before; there's never been that kind of silence where they're both
reaching for something to say. Tommy's felt it before. Felt it on dates with
Lori and other girls, and suddenly this feels like a date even though it's just
him and Merton hanging out in the Lair, which is something they've done a
hundred times before.
And suddenly he's wondering if coming back here was the best idea, but the
thought of leaving and going home alone still makes him feel like throwing up
so he just stands there in the middle of the room like an idiot, just waiting
for Merton to say something, anything to make it alright again. He wants to
laugh uneasily and make a dumb joke about The Factory or dancing with Lori or
college – anything to stop the silence that's closing in on them.
Merton finally settles down on the couch, so Tommy follows him over and sits
down next to him – as close as he dares without actually touching – and when he
looks over Tommy's positive that he's nervous. He's used to Merton nervous, but
not around him. Around girls or monsters, yeah, but this is new, and he's not
sure how to handle it. All he knows is that the only time he's felt right all
night is when he's touching his best friend, so he reaches out and trails the
back of his hand along the side of Merton's neck.
Just for a second Merton's eyes close and Tommy starts to smile, but as soon as
they close his eyes snap open again. Then he's talking, his voice buzzing in
Tommy's ear and sending shivers down his spine. He hears the words – Tommy,
there's something I should tell you – hears them, but doesn't listen because he
Doesn't. Want. To. Know. Resolutely does not want to hear anything that might
ruin this moment…this moment that he never thought would happen and probably
won't happen again.
Definitely won't happen again, because soon Merton will be halfway around the
world and Tommy will be all alone. And he has other friends, but it's not the
same. Nothing's the same as the way he feels right now, when he's alone with
his best friend and the air between them is charged with this…thing; this
impossible thing that he never thought he'd be able to act on.
Something in the back of his mind tells him not to do anything without asking
first, but the wolf's louder than the Boy Scout and for once in his life he
doesn't want to do the right thing. He just wants to take – to finish what he
started against that wall outside The Factory. And he has a feeling that Merton
won't even mind, because if he did wouldn't he have moved away by now?
He doesn't even realize he's made the decision until he's already inching
forward, and he doesn't even have to go far because somehow they've inched
closer while he was making up his mind to do what he wants for once. And maybe
it's selfish; maybe it's a bad idea to risk their last couple weeks together
when it would be safer to keep the status quo, but Merton already promised to
be his best friend no matter what and Tommy's planning to hold him to that.
"Tell me later," he whispers; or maybe he just thinks it, but it doesn't even
matter because Merton's mouth is soft against his and his fingers curl in
Tommy's hair and God, he never knew it would feel like this. And maybe that's a
good thing, because if he'd known before he never would have stopped kissing
Merton ever.
He doesn't want to stop now either, so he doesn't think about how much time
they've wasted and how little they have left. He doesn't think about anything
except the fact that Merton's Kissing. Him. Back. His best friend, the one he
thought he'd lose if he acted on all those feelings that took forever to make
any kind of sense. He's not thinking about anything except the feeling of those
lips crushed against his and the hands in his hair, the warmth of Merton's skin
and the way his hand curves so perfectly against Merton's neck.
And it's not fair that it took this long to figure all this out, but he's
making up for lost time already. His free hand trails down Merton's chest,
working open buttons with dexterity learned through years of handling a
football. He doesn't even think about whether or not he's moving too fast,
because they've already missed so much and he needs Merton to understand how
much this means to him before he goes off to his fancy foreign college. And
maybe somewhere in the back of his mind is the crazy idea that being Merton's
first will tie them together forever, but it almost makes sense while Merton's
sucking on his bottom lip.
He wants to ask where Merton learned that trick, but that would mean stopping
and he doesn't want to stop, not even long enough to remember to breathe.
Stopping means Merton might come to his senses and decide that this isn't what
he wants at all, and Tommy's not willing to take that risk. By the time he gets
Merton's shirt off he's pretty sure the other boy knows what he's doing,
especially when those hands leave his hair to slide down his chest and under
his shirt. He's still not taking any chances, though, so he manages to help
pull his own shirt off without breaking the kiss for any longer than absolutely
necessary.
'No longer than necessary' still costs him a few seconds, though, and when he
looks up again Merton's watching him. He feels more naked than he ever
remembers feeling before, but he stops himself from reaching out and pushing
Merton's shirt off his shoulders, because if he's changed his mind Tommy's not
going to make him do anything. The last thing he wants to do is stop, but their
friendship's still the most important thing in his life and if stopping is what
it takes to keep it, he'll do it.
He knows he should say something, but he's never really been any good with
words and more than anything he's terrified that if he opens his mouth he'll
say exactly the wrong thing. Then he remembers that Merton was going to tell
him something, and the fear comes flooding back in like ice water in his veins.
But it couldn't be anything terrible, because Merton kissed him back and those
were definitely his hands helping Tommy pull his shirt off.
"Tommy," he says, and his breath hits Tommy's chest and sends another shiver
down his spine, "how…how long?"
Tommy hears the rest of the question, the part that goes 'how long have you
felt this way?' He's not sure how to answer; he doesn't really want to answer
at all, because Merton's lips are red and swollen and he's pretty sure he's
never going to get tired of kissing them. "I don't know," he finally says,
because that's as close to the truth as he can get. "Forever. I just wasn't
sure…I wasn't sure of anything."
"And now you are?"
Merton's hands are trembling against his thighs, so Tommy reaches over and
curls his own hands around them. "Yeah, Merton. I'm positive," he answers,
lifting one palm to press a soft kiss in the center. And he's not sure what
possessed him to do that, but Merton doesn't seem to mind so he lifts his other
hand and does the same thing. "What about you?"
For a second Merton doesn't answer and Tommy's sure that he's going to start
trembling too, but before he gets the chance Merton shakes his head and flashes
a crooked smile. "You have no idea."
He leans up before Tommy realizes what's happening, catching him off guard.
Their teeth clink together when Merton kisses him again, and Tommy laughs
against his mouth as he pushes his shirt off his shoulders and lets it fall
onto the couch. A few seconds later he's pushing Merton back onto the couch
too, letting the other boy pull him down until their chests are pressed
together. And he's never done anything like this with anyone, but with Merton
it feels right in a way he couldn't explain if he wanted to, so he focuses on
pressing as much of their bodies together as he can without breaking the kiss.
Merton arches up as Tommy presses down, and then he does break the kiss to gasp
against Merton's mouth. Even this feels better than it ever has with just his
hand, but there are too many clothes between them so he reaches blindly to
fumble with the button on Merton's jeans. And wasn't it just a few minutes ago
that his fingers were working perfectly? But now his whole body feels like it's
made of one long, taut wire, and any second now he's going to snap and ruin
everything before they really get started.
It takes every shred of self-control he has to slow down long enough to take
control of his fingers, but he finally slips the button open and slides
Merton's zipper down in a long, agonizingly slow motion. Long, pale fingers dig
into his shoulders, and even that feels good because it distracts him enough
from his own need to work the fabric halfway down Merton's hips. A breathy
little moan escapes the mouth underneath his when he slides his hand past the
cotton of Merton's boxers; his hands have never felt this thick and clumsy, but
he must be doing something right because Merton's panting now and every warm
breath that hits his neck makes his own cock twitch.
He knows he should be embarrassed that he's going to come without Merton ever
touching him, but he's not sure he can stop long enough to tell the other boy
what he wants. He thrusts against Merton, the friction of his jeans driving him
crazy. And just when he thinks he can't hold on another second, slender fingers
land on his hips to hold him still. He's pretty sure stopping right now will
drive him completely insane, but he trusts Merton and when he feels those
fingers working his own jeans open he's positive that will drive him insane.
A second later Merton's hand is wrapped around his dick and he wonders if maybe
he went crazy a long time ago and this whole thing is just a hallucination. It
feels way too good to be real, and all he knows is that he never, ever wants
this feeling to end.
He lasts about a minute and a half.
The only thing that saves him from total humiliation is the fact that Merton
comes about a second after him, and then they both collapse into a boneless,
panting heap on the couch. He's pretty sure their jeans are trashed, and he has
a feeling the shirt Merton was wearing is probably a casualty as well. None of
it matters, though, because instead of pushing him away and saying something
awkward about teenage hormones Merton reaches up and wraps his arms around
Tommy's neck to pull him even closer.
He turns his face into the warmth of Merton's neck, breathing in the mingled
scents of sweat and skin. And even the smell of Merton makes his heart skip a
beat, so he doesn't mind that they're both still only halfway out of their
jeans and that Merton's parents could come check on them any time. He doesn't
care about anything except the fact that he finally has everything he never
knew he wanted, and he presses his lips against Merton's neck and plants a soft
kiss there. He knows he should say something, but he can't think of anything
that Merton doesn't already know. Then Merton's hand trails through his hair,
making him shiver in spite of the warmth of the room, and he decides that maybe
he doesn't need to say anything after all.
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