Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5007523.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Persona_4
  Relationship:
      Hanamura_Yosuke/Seta_Souji, Hanamura_Yosuke/Narukami_Yu
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Complicated_Relationships, Hand_Jobs
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-10-16 Words: 2376
****** Let You Hold Me For a Little While ******
by pennysparkle
Summary
     The house was quiet, and it might have been utterly comfortable—like
     settling underneath a warm blanket and allowing the world outside to
     dim—if not for the fact that this silence was out of place and
     entirely unwelcome. It was nothing like when Dojima worked late and
     Nanako spent the night with a friend, where Souji could tuck himself
     against the living room couch and read the whole evening away,
     appreciative for the chance to recharge.
Notes
     Jack and I are doing a week of P4 prompts! Today's was "birthmark."
See the end of the work for more notes
The house was quiet, and it might have been utterly comfortable—like settling
underneath a warm blanket and allowing the world outside to dim—if not for the
fact that this silence was out of place and entirely unwelcome. It was nothing
like when Dojima worked late and Nanako spent the night with a friend, where
Souji could tuck himself against the living room couch and read the whole
evening away, appreciative for the chance to recharge.
This quiet was dismal and dark, lonely, and he felt guilty for thinking that.
Yosuke had made the effort to be here for him, after all, and he was thankful
for that. But it was hard not to feel the ways in which things were out of
place, because Souji had never dealt with anything like this before. The stony,
wall-like silence of his parents at home but in another room, uninterested in
what he was doing, or the unnerving silence when they were gone for weeks at a
time—neither of those compared to this one. This was the silence of loss.
"You okay?" Yosuke asked from beside him. Their thighs were touching. It was a
new development, the way Yosuke would sometimes push for a little bit more, but
only in this kind of privacy. Around their friends, they were the same as ever,
but here? Yosuke might lean over and rest his head against Souji's shoulder,
might grip his hand nervously in his lap. If he was feeling particularly
outgoing, he might kiss Souji, very, very lightly—but he didn't seem entirely
comfortable seeking that just yet.
"I'm okay," Souji said. It was a lie, but would the truth make much difference?
Yosuke couldn't do anything to help him. Even Souji couldn't do anything to
help himself, so he was trying to ignore the problem instead with the TV on in
the background, a constant wash of some game show that Souji only occasionally
laughed half-heartedly at. He and Nanako had watched this together just a few
days ago, once the both of them had completed their homework and eaten dinner.
And something felt off about watching it with Yosuke. It wasn't right.
"Do you wanna do something else? I brought my laptop," Yosuke continued. He was
a lot more astute than he (not to mention the others) gave credit for
sometimes, or maybe he just didn't always employ this skill. Regardless, it was
appreciated.
But Souji wasn't bored. Most of all, he felt lethargic. Nothing was fun or even
tolerable for long when all he could think of was the fact that Nanako and
Dojima were in the hospital, and all because he hadn't figured this out in
time. It was easy to blame himself, especially when he was supposed to be the
leader. Everyone counted on him, and even if he hadn't failed them, he knew
he'd failed himself and his family.
"... I'll take that as a no," said Yosuke, laughing awkwardly. He was trying
his best, and Souji knew he should be ashamed for not indulging him.
He wanted to pretend he was okay. It was just hard.
"Sorry," he murmured.
"Hey, don't be sorry, partner. I know it'd mess me up if this happened to my
family."
Souji nodded. The silence between them was, for once, uncomfortable. He
appreciated that Yosuke actually wanted to put up with it for his sake.
"Hey, what if we did something to take your mind off of it?" said Yosuke when
another several unbearable minutes of silence had passed.
"... Like what?" Souji asked dubiously. This could be anything from extreme
downhill biking to finding Kanji and asking him to hit Souji upside the head
with a chair in the hopes that it might knock him out for a few hours.
"Like... uh..." Yosuke hesitated, and then one hand, shaky and unsure, came to
rest on Souji's thigh.
Souji raised an eyebrow. It didn't surprise him necessarily; he just found it
rather bold in comparison to Yosuke's recent behavior, which typically had him
touching Souji for a second, and then drawing back uncertainly at least twice
before he finally realized Souji didn't mind it.
"I-is that okay?"
He took a moment to think. It was... but he wasn't so sure he liked the idea of
Yosuke doing this just to get his mind off of things. The idea of being pitied
by him sent a surge of nausea through Souji's stomach, and it was heightened by
the thought of being touched by him for such a reason, almost making him push
his hand away before realizing how that would seem.
"Are you okay with it?" he asked quietly, instead.
Yosuke tilted his head to the side in thought. "Well... I mean. I've never done
it before, but I think I can."
"You think...?"
"Yeah. You know better than anyone that I watch... porn..." His voice got
quieter and quieter as the sentence went on, and Souji wasn't sure why he
chose now of all times to seem ashamed of certain habits of his. It wasn't like
Souji had ever judged him for it before.
But Yosuke was being particularly obtuse to what the real question was, and
Souji felt embarrassed having to say it flat-out. Wasn't he vulnerable enough
already? Surely he was... and still, he had to do it. He couldn't forgive
himself for letting this happen under false pretenses.
"No, I meant, are you okay with it?" he forced out. "Do you want to do it?
Because you shouldn't do it if you just want to cheer me up."
"Yeah, of course I do. I mean... I'm not acting, y'know... gay... just for
kicks. I want to do it."
Souji muffled a sigh; he doubted Yosuke was actually concerned about making
those kinds of jokes in reference to what they did, but it did sometimes get
frustrating all the same. It wasn't easy to just detach himself from the
reality of this. He had to know it wasn't a joke or a fling, even if both of
those might have been preferable to putting himself in a position to be hurt
worse in the long run.
Still, that was as close to a confirmation as he was going to get from Yosuke,
so he nodded. "If you want to do it... we can do it."
Yosuke nodded too, and in his sudden overwhelming eagerness to pull at Souji
and get them facing each other, he got kneed in the jaw by Souji, and
subsequently almost headbutted him in the chest (both, somehow, accidents).
"Sorry... sorry. I guess porn doesn't show how awkward this stuff is," he
muttered, flushed as he ducked his head down to concentrate his efforts on
pulling Souji's pants off.
"It's okay. Just take it slow," Souji reassured—though he had no idea what
Yosuke would be getting up to, and furthermore, whether it would be satisfying
or even distracting. He guessed it didn't matter; it was the thought that
counted, wasn't it?
Only he didn't have long to think about Yosuke's intentions, because Yosuke had
gotten his pants unbuttoned and unzipped and was pulling them off along with
his underwear. Souji stared down at his body, wondering if Yosuke was going to
comment, because that'd make this far more awkward than it had to be...
But he said nothing. He seemed wrapped up entirely in his own nervousness,
brows furrowed as his hand carefully encircled Souji's cock and gave it one
curious stroke from bottom to top that wasn't quite there. But at least it
wasn't bad.
"Haha... sorry. It's kinda different from this angle," Yosuke muttered, biting
his lip. It took him a moment to tear his eyes away from Souji, but then he
continued.
It felt vulnerable; Souji had never let anyone touch him like this. He hadn't
ever really wanted anyone to touch him like this, but with Yosuke between his
thighs, he thought he didn't actually mind it so much. At least this was his
best friend. At least it was someone he trusted.
"... Hey. What's this?" Yosuke asked after a moment, his eyes focused lower
down, and Souji's brows pinched together.
"What's what?"
"This." One hand closed gently around Souji's thigh and guided it apart from
the other, cradling it open so that a finger could press into a small spot on
the inside.
"Oh... it's a birthmark," Souji said after leaning forward (careful to keep his
head far away Yosuke's) and looking at the spot indicated. The small patch
stood out against the paler skin at the inside of his thighs, skin that was
never really exposed to sunlight like the rest of his body. It was about the
same tan color of the rest of him, though. Sometimes, Souji thought it looked
like a weird cloud. Then again, just about any blobby spot could look like a
cloud, really...
"Hey, still with me?" Yosuke asked.
Souji looked up at him suddenly and nodded. He supposed he'd gotten caught up
staring at it, but now he focused on Yosuke again. "Yeah. Sorry."
"S'okay," said Yosuke. His eyes lingered on Souji for another second or so, and
then he slowly lowered his head, tongue pressing against that spot on Souji's
thigh.
It startled him and he wasn't quite sure why, though the only sign he gave of
that was a sudden inhale as his body tensed up. Wasn't this a rather intimate
gesture...? And for something as simple as that tiny darker spot? Couldn't it
be reserved for something more important, more symbolic?
Yosuke's tongue ran over it a time or two, and then he sucked at it, which made
Souji gasp. It felt surprisingly... good. The skin was so rarely touched by
anything but clothes that he felt sensitive to it, and he held his breath as
Yosuke started jerking him off again at the same time.
He wasn't sure what to think of this. It was good and exciting, but also kind
of stunning, and his thighs trembled when Yosuke bit down lightly, a surprised
sound spilling from his lips.
Yosuke drew back quickly, nervously. "Did that hurt?"
"No..." Souji breathed. It really hadn't, but there was something about it that
had caused all the thoughts in his head to suddenly overload.
"Do you want me to do it again?"
Slowly, Souji nodded, and Yosuke leaned in without a moment's hesitation to nip
at that spot, his hand beginning to move over Souji's cock again. He was
so hard, and he really wasn't sure if it was a side-effect of this being the
first time he'd ever done this sort of thing with someone else, or if it was
because of that stunning pressure on a spot that he'd never paid much attention
to before.
He enjoyed it, though, and swallowed hard as Yosuke began to experiment, trying
every little thing he could think of—short nips, long sucks, tiny tracings of
his tongue, his hand on Souji's thigh to keep him spread open as he worked. It
was dizzying, leaving him panting one moment and holding his breath the next.
The only thing that really bothered him was how exposed he felt, because
letting someone this close was hard, and he didn't know whether or not he liked
it.
All he knew was that he wasn't willing to stop it, pushing his hips up into
Yosuke's touch, his breathing getting heavier as he got closer to coming. The
idea that all it would take was this embarrassed him, but didn't that make them
even in the end? Yosuke had been in a trash can the first time Souji met him,
after all. He could take a little embarrassment.
"You should... pull back now..." he panted, touching Yosuke's shoulder in
warning.
Yosuke did so hurriedly, but he kept jerking Souji off—and what Souji
had really meant was that he could finish the job himself so that things
wouldn't get messy. It was a lost cause by this point, though, and Yosuke's
orange t-shirt suddenly had a very conspicuous white stain on it as Souji came
with a sharp gasp, straining up into that tight grip.
"Sorry," he murmured after he'd come down a minute later, awkwardly pulling his
underwear and pants back up. That had been... strange. But he'd made up his
mind, at least. It wasn't bad. "You can borrow one of mine."
"Thanks, partner." Yosuke pulled his shirt off without even waiting for Souji
to find him a new one first, and there they sat, staring at each other uneasily
until Souji stood and led the way up the stairs in silence.
What were they really supposed to say now? It wasn't that things seemed awkward
between them, but Souji figured they'd have to talk about it sooner or later.
Preferably sooner. He realized that such a pastime had actually done a decent
job of distracting him after all, and he felt appreciative enough that
returning the favor didn't seem like such a bad idea—and maybe it'd even get
his mind off of this for a little while longer. Hopefully without further
damage to clothes, though.
Inside Souji's bedroom, Yosuke was quick to grab a shirt from the chest of
drawers with a promise to return it the next day, but when it came time to pull
it on again, he paused.
"Was that weird?" he asked.
Was it? Maybe. But weren't all things a little bit weird to settle into? Like a
new mattress, or a new pair of jeans? With time and a little wearing, it'd
become comfortable. Souji was sure of it, only maybe that'd be strange to say,
so instead, he just shrugged and said, "I don't think so."
"Okay. Good." Yosuke tugged the shirt on, stretching the shoulders out a
little, and then he took the lead on the way back downstairs. The TV had
changed over to a talk show now, something easily ignored as they took their
places. And this time, when Yosuke's hand touched Souji's thigh, high up and
conspicuously close to the place where he probably assumed Souji's birthmark
was, his hands didn't shake. He seemed more sure of how badly he wanted that
touch than Souji had ever seen him.
End Notes
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