Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/289334.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Real_Person_Fiction
  Relationship:
      Christian_Kane/Chad_Michael_Murray
  Character:
      Christian_Kane, Chad_Michael_Murray
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Teacher-Student_Relationship
  Series:
      Part 15 of Loveland_High_verse
  Stats:
      Published: 2010-10-05 Words: 3584
****** Let Me Hold You While You’re Falling Apart ******
by anyothergirl415
Summary
     For seventeen years Chad has been strong, he’s made it through more
     than most people could imagine. Now it’s his turn to fall apart and
     luckily he’s got people there to pick up the pieces.
"You have some genuinely amazing friends Chad." Christian smiled softly at him,
offering Chad the soapy wet plate.
Dipping his head in a nod, Chad slid the plate into the dishwasher. This was so
weirdly domestic he didn't know how to process it. But really, the last couple
of days fell into that category.
Between his four friends and Christian they'd managed to get everything out of
his room in one trip. Really though, it wasn't like Chad had that much stuff.
He'd even gotten it all unloaded and studied some. Part of him felt like he
shouldn't be living such a normal life but what else could he do but continue
moving on?
"They are pretty amazing." Chad murmured and slid the last plate in the rack.
"I'm sure that was totally your ideal weekend too, hanging out with a bunch of
your students."
Christian laughed and shook his head. "Believe it or not Chad; I don't actually
know a lot of people here. My friends live up in the city and I don't get to
see them that much."
"You can be our friend. I can save you a spot at lunch." Chad teased, grinning
over at Christian.
"Yes Chad because there would be nothing odd about me sitting with you lot at
lunch." Christian chuckled softly and shook his head.
It felt really good to be teasing and joking around. Chad knew it wouldn't
always be this simple but it was definitely a start.
Ickis trailed behind them to the bedroom, automatically curling onto his dog
bed the moment they were inside the room. Chad really liked having the pets.
He'd never been allowed before and he found the extra companionship helpful in
soothing his mood, plus they all loved him. Or he assumed Krum did, it was hard
to be certain with turtles.
"I don't want to go to school tomorrow," Chad murmured, looking over at
Christian in the bathroom. "All my bruises..."
"Tell them you were rescuing something. Like a kitten from a tree or
something.” Christian grinned, dropping his toothbrush in the cup holder and
crossing back over to Chad.
"Oh yeah cause there's no one more bad ass then someone who can rescue a
kitten." Chad smirked and shook his head. He was actually pretty sure no one
would ask but they would try and guess and that could be worse.
"It's only a couple days for finals. Then we'll have all of Christmas break to
get comfortable with each other." Christian slid his arm around Chad’s body,
pulling him in close and gently pressing a kiss to his lips.
Chad leaned into the warmth of the man, slowly wrapping his arms around him.
He’d sort of forgotten about the Christmas break thing with everything else
going on and now it shot through him like a rush of heat. A whole month with
just Christian and for the first time in his life Chad was actually looking
forward to an extended break away from school. It seemed fitting it would come
during his senior year.
Christian’s lips were smooth and minty fresh from toothpaste. They’d kissed a
great deal the night before, Christian hadn’t pushed for more and Chad hadn’t
thought it was right to want anything so soon. He didn’t feel like he was
allowed to have that kind of pleasure, like he should be mourning the loss of
the only family unit he knew.
Now though, having gotten all his things from his home and seeing all his
father’s things already bagged up for the trash in the living room, Chad was
starting to think he didn’t need a mourning time. Especially now that
Christian’s hand was slipping under his shirt and his lips were pressing just a
little harder, tongue sweeping forward.
“Christian,” Chad gasped into the kiss, slipping his hands up through
Christian’s hair. “I want… could we…” He pulled Christian back with him to the
bed, unsure how to voice his request.
"What do you want Chad? I want to give you that." Christian smiled softly at
Chad, clearly letting himself be pulled.
A gentle flush grew along Chad's cheeks as he played with the edge of
Christian's shirt. "I want you to fuck me." Chad said in one quick exhale,
almost dizzy from that alone.
There was a soft smile on Christian’s lips as he cupped Chad's jaw. "I really
want to Chad but-"
"Christian, I really want it too, I promise. It might seem too soon but I know
it’s not." Chad shook his head roughly and tried for his most winning smile
with Christian, not sure if it came across as believable. It was the thought
that counted.
Judging from the soft, slightly sad smile on Christian's lips, Chad wasn't
quite as persuasive as he meant to be. And the already building sting of
rejection must have shown on his face because Christian's eyes softened. "Chad,
I can honestly say I would love to just take you right now but I can't. You're
still healing. You've had an insane weekend and there's no reason we have to
rush into anything."
"But I want it. That's not rushing. I want you to make me yours." Chad thought
he must sound so young, Christian probably thought he was being ridiculous. So
he pulled away, turning his back to Christian and waving it off. "Forget it."
Christian sighed and followed, catching Chad's hand to stop him. "Hey, you are
mine already. I don't need to fuck you to know that. There are other things we
can do. Let me show you. I promise to take care of you."
“You don’t have too.” Chad mumbled but he allowed Christian to pull him close.
Really, there was nowhere else he’d rather be then in the man’s arms, even if
he felt like an over emotional teenager.
“Chad,” Christian chuckled softly and gently cupped his jaw, thumb sweeping
over his skin. “Remember last time we tried to do something, you wouldn’t even
let me take your shirt off.”
“That wasn’t last time, we’ve done things. I mean, I’ve given you blow jobs and
you’ve had your hand down my pants.” Chad flushed with the words but he kept
his gaze fixed on Christian’s, maybe a little defiant, he had a reputation to
keep after all. “I didn’t pull away then. And last night, I was just in
boxers.”
“And a shirt.” Christian kept smiling and pressed the tip of his finger against
Chad’s nose. “Deny it all you want Chad but we have a long way to go before we
get to the sex thing. Doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy each other before then.”
“Why do you have to be so grown up?” Chad did the closest thing to pouting he
ever did, lower lip jutting out at Christian in obvious disapproval.
Christian tipped his head back in a laugh and slowly pushed Chad’s shirt up
along his chest. “You’re probably the only person in the history of the world
who’s been upset at the prospect of a blow job.”
Putting it that way, Chad had to admit he was being a little ridiculous. He
should be glad that Christian was offering him anything at all. After this
weekend, Chad pretty much owed him the world. Which was maybe a little bit of
the driving force behind his reason for offering himself up so eagerly. “You
wouldn’t be upset? If we waited?”
The smile dimmed on Christian’s lips as he considered Chad, brows pulling
together. “Chad, come here.” He pulled his hands out from under Chad’s shirt
and took his hand instead, leading him over to the bed and sitting down beside
him. “I don’t need payment for you being here. You don’t have to do anything
like that because you think I’ll kick you out or something if you don’t.”
Sometimes Chad hated how easy it was for Christian to read him. He’d never
thought of himself as such an open book but Christian seemed to get him in a
way that Chad didn’t understand. “Then why let me stay here? I can’t give you
anything. I don’t even have a job. And you’re putting everything at risk by
letting me be here, how am I supposed to just forget about paying you back?”
“Oh, Chad.” Christian sighed softly and cupped Chad’s cheek, turning him so
their eyes met. “They really did a number on you.” He whispered and Chad didn’t
need to ask to know Christian was referring to his parents. “Listen, I meant
what I said the other day. I love you. I’m in love with you. These sorts of
things, they just happen, you can’t really control them and sometimes when it
happens, you have just have to go along with it. So the absolute last thing I
want is you suffering in any way. Giving you a place to stay, looking after
you, that’s not even a question. It’s what I want to do, okay?”
“But I’m not worth it.” Chad whispered before he could stop himself. His eyes
widened as he looked up at Christian, tears pricking along the rims out of his
control. He hadn’t even felt this break down coming on and now it slammed hard
into his chest. “I’m just pieces, just barely pieces. And I’m young and stupid
and I don’t know how to do anything. Why would you love me? Why would you even
care?”
Christian’s thumb slid under Chad’s eye, sweeping up tears and as he slowly
shook his head. Then he was leaning forward, gently pressing a kiss to Chad’s
lips. “You’re everything.” Christian murmured and shifted Chad back across the
bed, pulling his shirt off in one swift movement. “Chad, you make all these
parts of me whole. Even if you’re just pieces, I can be like the tape. I’ll put
you make together and make you believe that you are worth it. You know this.”
Chad’s head fell back onto the pillow as Christian crawled over him, kissing
down his chest. Part of him wanted to shy away, hide his so obviously broken
body. But Christian kept him pinned with hands on his hips and kissed along
every inch until Chad’s skin was prickling. He gasped softly, slipping his
hands up through the teacher’s hair and curling slowly. “The tape?” He murmured
and smiled up at the ceiling. “So gay.”
“Mm yes, I know your manly little heart can only handle so much sap.” Christian
chuckled against his belly button. “But it’s true. You’ll see.”
There was a retort on Chad’s tongue, maybe something disproving Christian’s
notion of fixing him, but the feel of the button his jeans popping open had him
stopping. Christian’s lips were right there, kissing just over the edge of his
boxers and Chad closed his eyes, sucking in a slow breath. “What if you can’t?”
Chad whispered the question and he knew they’d had a conversation just like
this before but he didn’t care, the doubt was still lingering there.
“Chad, I’m Christian Kane, I can do anything.” Christian laughed softly then
pulled Chad’s zipper down slowly, lips traveling with to kiss over Chad’s hard
cock through his boxers.
“Jesus,” Chad whispered, arching up into Christian’s mouth as much as he could.
“No, but close.” Christian laughed again then pushed away.
Chad was about to protest but warm fingers hooked under his boxers and began to
pull and he lifted his hips once more to help, repressing the desire to twitch
away. He had to get past this, had to fight being shy and reserved under the
bright lights of their bedroom. Their bedroom. This was real, their home, and
Christian was going to make him feel so good not because Chad owed him but
because they both wanted it.
“Chad,” Christian murmured and lifted his foot, kissing just inside his ankle,
slowly up his calf. “Do you want to know why I love you?” He continued his way
slowly up Chad’s body and each kiss felt more and more sensitive, like his skin
was burning and sparking.
“I… Christian,” he whispered and curled his fingers into the blankets beneath
him. He felt so exposed, like each pass of Christian’s mouth over him was
opening him up. And Chad wasn’t so sure if he could handle it. But he wanted to
know, maybe he even had to. “Why?”
“So many reasons.” Christian murmured, sprinkling kisses over Chad’s knees and
grinning up at him when Chad laughed. “Let’s start with your snark. Some people
would find it annoying, I imagine there are quite a lot of people out there who
want to smack you because of that attitude, but god there’s something so
appealing about it.” Christian spread his legs wider and beginning kissing his
way up the inside of Chad’s thighs.
Chad’s chest shook with his next breath and he bit down on his lip, spreading
his legs a little wider for Christian to move. The last of his reserves seemed
to be fading away and even if Christian wasn’t about to fuck him, Chad was
pretty sure he was about to lose his mind. And he was pretty sure that wasn’t a
bad thing.
“You know what though? On the other side of your snark, you’re the most loyal
person in the world.” Christian hummed the words, causing them to vibrate along
Chad’s skin. “To your friends. Hell, even your family who didn’t deserve it.
You wouldn’t betray a soul. I respect and love you for that.”
“Cheesy,” Chad mumbled but he was smiling, rolling just barely up to encourage
Christian further up his body. The slow pace was kind of killing him.
“Christian,” he moaned, pressing his palm down against his chest.
“We’ll work on the patience thing.” Christian murmured and grinned up at Chad
for a moment before kissing slowly up his hip bone. “Also, Chad, you probably
won’t want to admit to it but you’re absolutely gorgeous. That floppy blond
hair, that smile, those eyes that could match the sky. And your body. Jesus
your body.”
As if explaining his words with touch, Christian’s lips slid parted over his
hip bones, cheek brushing along Chad’s cock and making him groan. His heels dug
into the mattress and his body twitched up, breath catching in his throat.
“M’not,” he finally managed to gasp softly, biting down hard on his lip.
“Knew you’d say that.” Christian laughed and the air puffed out over Chad’s
cock, heat soaking in along his skin. “Modesty. Yeah, I think I can love you
for that too. You’re a bit of a walking contradiction.”
“You’re a bit of a tease,” Chad shot back and lifted his head, staring down at
Christian. He was going to sneer or something but fuck it was hot seeing
Christian like that. There between his spread legs, lips parted and kiss
swollen, cheeks flushed. Even his hair was disarrayed and Chad moaned. “And
you’re fucking gorgeous.”
“Gonna make you forget out to talk.” Christian murmured.
It was the absolute best kind of threat that could possibly exist and Chad
barely had a chance to form a moan before heat surrounded him on all sides.
Christian’s mouth was moving over his cock, swallowing him whole in one fluid,
maddening slow motion. The noise that fell from Chad’s lips could only be
called pathetic, caught somewhere between a whimper and a moan.
Chad had been given blow jobs before, couple of girls who clearly didn’t care
for the taste and couldn’t do near the amount of amazing things Christian was
currently doing. Like the way his tongue was slowly swirling over his length,
his teeth just barely grazing over his sensitive skin, his cheeks hollowing and
pulling. Chad wanted to make mental notes of it, so he knew how to drive
Christian just as insane but he could hardly even think.
Then Christian was sucking him in further and Chad could feel the head of his
cock brushing along the back of his lover’s throat. Chad sucked in a sharp and
shaky breath, unprepared by how hot it would feel knowing that Christian could
deep throat him like that. All around him he felt the heat of the man’s mouth
and Chad threaded his fingers into Christian’s thick long hair, hips jerking
up.
A moan vibrated around Chad’s cock and he lost control, thrusting hard up into
Christian. Fingers dug into his hips, keeping him pinned down to the bed as
Christian slowly lifted up. “Fuckin’ hot,” Christian murmured, his voice deep
and raspy rumbling from his mouth. “You want it so bad huh? I love that about
you too, how much you want.”
Christian’s tongue moved over his cock in slow, steady sweeps, dragging down
until Chad could feel the wet heat searing over his balls. Christian was right,
no part of Chad felt capable to handle any forms of speech. His hand was
slipping from Christian’s hair as he moved down but Chad felt loose, his body
melting under the man’s touches. It was the first time in days, weeks even,
maybe his entire life that Chad only felt pleasure. The swell of his heart and
the tinkling of his skin, and Christian’s mouth moving over his skin.
“You gonna come for me Chad?” Christian murmured and moved up, his lips parting
to swallow Chad down again.
After the cold air that had previously coated his spit soaked skin, the heat
was almost too much and Chad groaned low in his throat. His hips snapped up
into Christian mouth and his orgasm flared though him, eyes snapping shut with
the roll of his body. He might have moaned Christian’s name but then there was
a press of a finger tip along his entrance and his release moved into overload.
Chad nearly blacked out, his fingers gripping the blankets so tight they ached.
Chad was panting still, heart still racing, when Christian let him fall from
his mouth. There was a faint ache in his body, the stretch of bruises and
pulled muscles easing down onto the extraordinarily plush mattress. Chad felt
like he was floating, sinking down from the sky on a cloud or some other
ridiculous metaphor. And he still couldn’t use his words.
“You know what I love most about you Chad?” Christian was over him now, hands
on either side of Chad’s head.
Chad could feel the man’s cock pressing against his hip and he rocked his body
up against the heat and pressure. His vision was still blurry and he smiled
weakly up at Christian, not sure he could manage actual words ever again. It
shouldn’t be normal that someone could break him down to his basics like this.
“I love how you love.” Christian murmured and dipped down, lips just brushing
over his. “Even when you don’t think you’re worth it, even when you’re
absolutely sure that you’re not good enough, you still love. I can see it in
your eyes, when you look at me. Did you know that?”
A faint mumble fell from Chad and he blinked a few times when Christian took
his hand and guided it down. The first feel of the man’s cock against his palm
was just as maddening as everything else and any hope that Chad would get his
ability to speak back vanished. He loved the way it seemed to fit just right in
his hand, like his body was designed specifically for Christian’s.
“God, Chad,” Christian groaned, his voice still deep and rough from the cock
he’d just had in his mouth and the come he’d just swallowed.
It was thrilling that Chad could give any sort of pleasure to Christian, even
more so considering the way he’d just literally blown Chad’s mind. Watching his
face as Chad stroked him, the way his eyes fluttered closed and his teeth
dragged over his lips had Chad squirming on the mattress once more.
When Christian came it was with a low growl of Chad’s name and the spread of
warmth over their bodies. Chad shuttered, breathless still, eyes blurry and
lust glazed. He felt weak and boneless in the absolute best way and Chad
thought maybe he’d never felt so human before.
Sometime later Christian pulled away from the touch of their lips and rolled
off the bed. He came back a few minutes later with a wet rag, stopping to flick
off the lights before slipping into bed beside Chad. There was the gentle pass
of the cool rag over his skin as Christian ensured they were both clean.
“What if it’s too much tomorrow?” Chad whispered as Christian slid in beside
him, drawing him in close and wrapping arms tight around his body.
“You come to me. Even if it’s in the middle of class. Don’t leave your finals
though; pretty sure some teachers might get pissed about that.” Christian
chuckled softly and kissed Chad’s temple. “I’ll help you any way I can, if it’s
just too much.”
“Okay,” Chad murmured. He was surprised how far that went toward reassuring
him. “I love you.”
“I know,” Christian chuckled and tucked the blanket around them. “I love you
too Chad.”
As he drifted off to sleep, Chad thought about all the years he’d longed for
someone to hold him safe and tight at night. This was what his life had been
building up to, and Chad thought, even with all the shit in his past, it was
completely worth it.
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