Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1455175.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      Dave_Strider/Dave_Strider
  Character:
      Dave_Strider
  Additional Tags:
      Self-cest, This_Is_STUPID, Frottage
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-04-13 Words: 577
****** Legend of the Terriporn ******
by mattysones
Summary
     I took a prompt from a friend to write bad porn.
Notes
     Written in 2011.
Fire glowed around them as two Daves stared each other down. One was from a
past that was relative to the other’s future in a complicated mind fuck that
both had reach the point of giving up understanding completely. That wasn’t the
issue; the issue was that they were both sexy mother fuckers and no one’s hands
were down anyone’s pants.
“Your suit looks like you strangled a consort and his dying wish was to be your
sequined jacket.” Relative Dave Number 158 said with an aloof lift of his chin.
Other Dave Relative to the Previous Five Daves Who Were From His Future But He
Was Not From Their Pasts smirked and leaned against his shitty sword which was
buried in the ground, “At least I don’t look like I’m from bad 80s movie only
Egbert would get the reference,”
Other Dave snorted and raised his eyebrows, “I’d be upset except I know you’re
just suppressing your unhindered desire for amazing self-loving that we both
know would be mutually satisfying.”
Future Dave rolled his eyes, “I’d say you’re harboring the same insecurities if
I didn’t know myself any better, but we both know we have the manly balls of
steel just come out and say it.”
“Wanna make out?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Both Daves took the moment to throw down their weapons (Well, neatly CatpchaLog
them in a way that made complete sense) before grabbing each other’s collars
and bringing each other into a kiss that was honestly a little awkward probably
because they were both 13 and inexperience doesn’t lend itself well to good
making outs.
That first mood kill was easily overlooked when the parties in their pants were
a little more focused and knew exactly what the goal was, and the diffusion of
hormones and happy humping took over. Other Dave found himself underneath
Future Dave (obviously oldest was on top, Other Dave wasn’t going to put the
energy into making the argument for otherwise although he should be learning
from experimentation, how selfish of … him). Future Dave rubbed their groins
together and they both let out a noise that was much too manly to be a moan.
Future Dave pressed his lips against Other Dave before pulling back, “This
isn’t exactly what I thought it’d be.”
Other Dave pulled Future Dave back by a fistful of hair and kissed him deeply,
“Yeah, this kind of sucks. There’s a rock in my ass.”
Future Dave thought about making a comment involving asses and the things that
could be in them, but bit back his sarcasm. Both Daves shrugged and gave into
the simultaneous impulse to grab each other’s dicks.
Hand jobs were definitely getting them somewhere, even though their hands were
a little too dry from the given environment. Their arms tangled awkwardly as
they found a rhythm that made them shudder and move against each other, backs
arching, throats swallowing until a little suddenly, they both stopped and saw
white for a glorious 10 seconds.
Then their pants were sticky and that’s just uncomfortable.
Other Dave grimaced as Future Dave moved away, “Let’s never do it this way
again.” He said grumpily.
Future Dave looked around for a way to clean off his hands, “Well,” he paused,
“The way you said that implies we’ll try again.” he said slowly.
Other Dave rolled his eyes and snickered, “Password’s hump master. See me in a
year?”
There was a mutual thumbs up.
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