Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7524553.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      Other
  Fandom:
      NCIS:_Los_Angeles
  Relationship:
      G_Callen_&_Marty_Deeks
  Character:
      G_Callen, Marty_Deeks, Monty_(NCIS:_LA)
  Additional Tags:
      Child_Abuse, Sexual_Abuse, Physical_Abuse, Mental_Abuse
  Series:
      Part 1 of Deeks_Backstory
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-07-19 Words: 6147
****** Learning the Nightmare ******
by SilverMidnight
Summary
     Callen and Deeks are forced to share a home and bed during a case. A
     series of nightmares pushes Callen to question Deeks past. What he
     finds is not what he expected.
Notes
     If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want
     to know more about stories I'm going to be starting soon please
     follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.
A yawn slipped from Callen's lips as he shut the book he had been trying to
read and set it on the coffee table in front of him. His eyes were itchy from
lack of sleep. Something he wasn't really used to feeling anymore.
There was a chance though that spending hours staring at the same page trying
to make sense of the words wasn't helping. It wasn't his fault that no matter
how hard he tried to focus his mind always went back to one thing.
Marty Deeks.
It was as if his mind was filled with a thick fog when it came to everything
outside of their current case and the younger man. He wanted nothing more than
to figure out what both the case and the man was hiding. And there was a lot to
hide.
Callen had always thought that he at least knew Deeks. Now that he was being
forced to spend day and night with the man he knew that he was wrong. He was
beginning to think that Deeks didn't even know Deeks.
It was so odd to think that the man he thought was perfectly fine, if not a
little lonely, wasn't. The only thing that came to the Agents mind when he
thought that was the young children that came into the foster system.
That was a weird thing to think. The only time Callen ever thought that about
an adult was victims. Not just any victims though. No, that specific trait
usually came from the victims that at one point or another had been abused.
In truth, that as not the type of thing that came into is mind when he thought
of the other man. He was just too… Callen had no idea why he never actually
stopped to take time and find out what he could about Deeks like he had with
Sam and Kensi.
There was simply something about the younger man that made Callen drop his
guard slightly. Maybe it had something to do with how Hetty acted towards him.
It was almost as if she was his Grandmother.
When it came down to it though Hetty knew something about Deeks. Whether it was
something to do with whatever was causing his nightmares or not Callen didn't
know, but her approval of him had been enough for the team to accept him as
well.
Now that Callen was thinking about it though he realized that Hetty did that on
purpose. It was almost as if she believed that if the team knew the truth about
the blond's past either him or them would have walked away from it all.
That was a worrying thought. After all these years of living his life the way
he did he learned that you could never truly runaway from your past no matter
how hard you tried or how far you went. And he had run far and wide to try.
After so many years though he had quit running. Also he had learned that it was
much more fun to hide in plain sight. It was truly one of his favorite things
that came with being an undercover agent. No one knew it was him until he
wanted them to.
Maybe that was what Deeks did. He hid away completely. Hell, Callen was open
with the team. Not as open as Sam and Kensi were, but he trusted them enough to
open up about things when the time was right or when it was important to the
case.
Other than that Callen kept the nightmare that was his past to himself. He had
learned long ago how to deal with things alone. Especially when it came to
nightmares. Given his way to deal was to simply sleep so little nightmares
rarely came up, but it worked for him.
Okay, so it worked so well because he was alone at night. No one to share a bed
or a house with so he had no reason to attempt to do anything to fix his
behavior. He was perfectly fine knowing that, for the most part, he was
completely fucked up.
The only person that ever really called him out about anything and everything
that he did any more was Sam. It was so odd to think that someone had gotten
close enough to him that they could talk to him the way the older man did, but
it was true.
Sam was truly his best friend and the idea of no having him in his life was not
one Callen liked to think about. There weren't many things that the Agent truly
cared about enough to stay in one place when he wanted to leave.
The older man knew enough about Callen that even if they ended up having to
spend the night in the same room Sam knew what to expect. He also knew that it
was in everyone's best interest not to mention it.
It was that kind of stability that stopped Callen from doing something stupid
that caused himself to be injured. It was also the thing that made him stop and
think before he forced his team to go anywhere that they could get hurt.
Even after all this time that was Callen's number one worry. He could handle
anything that happened to him. No matter how hurt he got or how much danger he
put himself in he didn't care as long as his team was safe. Well, as safe as
their line of work allowed.
Sam had his wife and children to keep him sane when their cases got a little
too much. Kensi had all of the friends that she surrounded herself with. Eric
had his computer games and online friends while Nell was just like Kensi
surrounding herself completely.
Deeks, on the other hand, had surfing and Monty. Outside of them and work the
younger man was alone. Unless you wanted to count Ray and since the man was in
Witness Protection he probably shouldn't be counted.
Callen knew that he wasn't the best person to be giving advice, but he at least
had a bit of a life outside of work. It might be possible that it was only with
people from his work, but they were still his friends and they did hang out
outside of the office.
How was it possible that he was just now noticing how alone Deeks forced
himself to be? And it was a case of him forcing himself to walk away from the
things he wanted to do. Nothing that come from that knowledge was going to end
well.
It was so hard to watch Deeks hide away from everything that came his way. They
might not be partners, but he had seen just how skilled the man was. He had
also seen how friendly and how much of a good person Deeks was.
Now that Callen knew about the blond's nightmares it was as if more pieces were
falling into place. The fact that Deeks woke up night after night panting and
sweating as his entire body shook was a pretty big pieces of the puzzle.
As bad as it sounded Callen wished that the man talked in his sleep. If he did
than it was possible that he'd finally have the answers that could help the man
move away from whatever it was from his past that was haunting him.
So far the only things that Callen knew was that the second the nightmare
started Deeks quit moving. The blond would lay on his back his hands gripping
the bedspread tightly as small whimpers fell from him.
It was not something that was nice to see, but it happened every single time
they went to sleep. Callen could almost time it. An hour after Deeks eyes
started to dart under his eyelids then he'd wake up with a silent scream.
His blue eyes would dart around the room as if he was looking for some monster
that only he could see. Then he'd look over at Callen as if he was waiting for
the older man to door say whatever it was that was going on in his mind.
Callen would open his mouth to attempt to comfort the Detective, but Deeks
would practically scramble off the bed and out of the room. It was easy to tell
that the last thing he wanted to do was talk about it.
Still, it had been happening every night since they got to the house maybe it
was time for Callen to start asking difficult questions. He just hoped that
asking the questions didn't push Deeks over a line that he couldn't see.
It was obvious that the Detective wasn't as okay as he played himself to be in
front of people. Callen had no idea where the lines that he shouldn't cross
were. It could be more than a little dangerous if he said the wrong thing.
A part of him wondered if the only way to get Deeks to open up was to push him
into what could easily be the stupidest thing Callen had ever done. Was it
worth risking the fallout to help the younger man?
Or was it possible that allowing Deeks to plaster on a fake smile and go on as
if nothing was wrong would be for the best? It had worked for him for… For as
long as whatever it was that had happened.
Deeks had done exactly what Callen had done. He had found a way to survive the
horrors of his past and deal with everything that his day to day life threw
him. He was a lot stronger than Callen had ever given him credit for.
It made sense that the younger man worked as hard as he did. Deeks was… Deeks
was a victim that had probably never known justice for whatever happened to
him. He didn't want to see that happen to anyone else.
How it was possible that the man was as good as he was when it seemed as if his
subconscious was attempting to pull him apart was concerning. There was simply
no way that it was all completely innocent.
Deeks was hiding in his work. Something that was extremely dangerous given what
they did. It was so easy to fall into a character that you thought of as
stronger than yourself and never come back out of them.
It could end badly if Deeks at any point in time found a reason to stop being
himself. Unless… Was it possible that the Marty Deeks he knew was just another
cover Deeks had created to keep him safe?
A groan fell from Callen as he buried his head in his hands. His head was
pounding angrily as he tried to stop the idea's from running through his head.
As much as he wanted to know the truth it was also the last thing he wanted.
If Deeks worked as hard as he did to hide everything than it was nothing good.
If it was half as bad as Callen was thinking than he understood why he was
doing so. How he hoped it wasn't as bad as he was thinking.
A soft bark broke through his thought process causing him to look at the front
door. Deeks and Monty should be walking through the door at any moment coming
in from their morning run. He should not be dreading seeing the younger man as
much as he was.
It wasn't that Callen was truly dreading seeing the other man, but the second
Deeks walked through the door reality would set in. And by reality he meant
Deeks walking around as if he was afraid of Callen.
There were a lot of things that he could handle, but someone obviously
terrified of him was not one of them. Actually, that wasn't exactly correct. He
could handle adults being afraid of him, but Deeks wasn't exactly acting as an
adult would.
No, the younger man's demeanor reminded him too much of a small child. Callen
gritted his teeth not wanting to have those thoughts in his mind any longer.
There was no way around it though. Not if he wanted to help Deeks.
The worst part of the way Deeks was acting though was that there was nothing
the older man could do. If he ever questioned Deeks about the nightmares he
could act as if he had no idea what Callen was talking about before clamming up
for the rest of the day.
That was another thing that got to Callen. Now that Deeks knew that Callen knew
he wasn't okay he stopped. It was so odd to watch the normally loud and active
man almost docile in a way. Seeing him like that was just wrong.
Was it possible that this was how the other man acted when he was alone? Did he
jump at every little noise that he didn't make? Did he curl into himself when
he sat down to make himself seem smaller? Did his eyes dart around as if he was
waiting for someone?
How wrong was it that someone as strong and intelligent as Deeks became this
when he was alone? No, there had to be some other reason for the man to react
the way he was. The only other reason Callen could think of though was that he
reminded Deeks of whomever harmed him.
Wasn't that a wonderful thought? Deeks was terrified of Callen because he
reminded him of the person that hurt him when he was younger. How was he
supposed to do anything with that knowledge weighing on his mind?
With what Hetty had said when she sent the men on the case it was obvious she
thought they would work well together. When he had first got to the house he
had thought the same thing. After all he and Deeks were alike. Right?
The two men should be able to play off each other like they did when they were
around Sam and Kensi. It was almost as if the two of them had never worked
together. Deeks had changed so drastically from the man that he thought he
knew.
It did give Callen a new idea though. Maybe it wasn't that Deeks was afraid of
the older man but that he was afraid of being alone with men. That wasn't as
reassuring as he first thought it would be.
There was alone one thing that came to Callen's mind that answered every last
question he had. As much as he hated to admit it he was almost positive that
Deeks had been sexually abused when he was a child.
Before Callen could go any further in his revelation the door opened and he
heard the dog run in. At least he knew one thing that would settle the younger
man down. No wonder Monty was always with him.
"Hey, boy," Callen greeted when the mutt was finally close enough to pet, "He
doing any better?"
The shaggy dog looked up at the man before laying at his feet. It seemed as if
Monty was not all that thrilled with how his owner was acting any more than he
was. So maybe this wasn't as uncommon as he hoped.
Knowing that that knowledge truly didn't help him the Agent stood up and slowly
made his way into the kitchen. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Deeks
away now that he thought he had some of the story figured out.
Deeks stood in front of the sink drinking a cup of water. It was almost funny
to watch the younger man just freeze when he walked in. At least until he
remembered he was waiting for some kind of pain.
"Callen," Deeks greeted his voice shaking only slightly, "Can I help you?"
"I was hoping we could talk," the older man answer calmly.
"About what?" Did the team call with more information on the case?"
"Your childhood. More specifically the fact you were molested as a child."
The glass in the blond's hand slipped out and shattered on the floor. For a
moment Callen was sure that he was going to take off running, but instead he
followed the glass and dropped to the floor already attempting to clean it up.
Well, he attempted to clean up. Deeks wasn't fully paying attention to what he
was doing. He was ending up with both his hands and his knees cut up on the
glass before Callen swooped down and took them in his own to stop him and
pulling him up.
"Stop," Callen commanded feeling the other man shaking, "You're okay here."
"Of course I am," Deeks tried to lie, "Are you? I mean, me being… Having that
done to me makes me think you need a vacation."
"Really? Then why didn't you say it?"
Callen watched the younger man stand completely still as he tried to come up
with an answer. As he realized that there was nothing else he could say to
convince Callen his chest started to heave as his eyes widened.
The Agent watched as the man was drawn into what he could only describe as a
panic attack. Callen had never been this close to someone that was having an
attack, but it seemed as if Monty was well-versed in that world.
The dog rushed in from the living room and moved between the two men. Callen
let go of Deeks hand letting him take hold of the shaggy fur and bury his face
in it. The older man stood there silently not knowing what exactly he could do
to make it better.
He stood there silently for what felt like an eternity, but finally Deeks
looked up. His ocean blue eyes were rimmed red from unshed tears. He also
looked as if he hadn't slept in weeks. Which he probably hadn't done.
"You should try to get some sleep," Callen whispered not wanting to startle the
still shaking man, "I'll clean up."
"I can..." Deeks tried to start.
"It's okay. I can clean up. Why don't you go clean your hands up and you and
Monty can take a nap?"
The man looked at Callen searching for a moment before nodding his head.
Snapping his fingers he and Monty made their way upstairs. Callen watched the
two make their way upstairs feeling a wave of protective instinct wash over
him.
Callen had to push the feeling away. The last thing he needed was to push the
man even further. He was going to have to move even more carefully than he had
before. Maybe treating him as a child would work.
Sighing Callen cleaned up the broken glass and went back into the living room.
He spent another two hours or so trying to read the book he had before, but he
kept trying to hear what was going on upstairs.
Finally not able to take any more the Agent made his way the bedroom. By now
the younger man would usually have scared himself awake. If he was still asleep
than maybe he could get some actual sleep.
Or he was caught in the middle of a nightmare that was causing more damage than
good. If that was the case than Callen was going to have to stop it. He
couldn't just stand still and watch the man fall apart in front of him.
Getting to the bedroom door Callen went to open it only to freeze when he heard
a noise. He felt his heart speed up angrily. If that was what he thought it was
than it was not going to end well at all.
He took a deep breath and opened the door. Almost instantly Monty was on his
feel growling softly. It wasn't often that the dog acted like the police dog
that he had been trained to be when he was younger.
"Shh," Callen said hoping the dog would see that he was trying to help his
owner.
The dog sat down but still watched the Agent closely. It was like he understood
that Callen could help, but he was still ready to protect the man that he
considered to be his best friend if things got too painful for Deeks.
Standing at the edge of the bed Callen watched waiting for the man to do or say
anything that told him what to do. He didn't have to wait long before a soft
whimper of pain fell from his lips as his hands tangled in the bedspread.
Shaking his head Callen moved to shake the younger man awake only to stop when
a new noise came from the man. It should have been good to get more
information, but the sound made Callen's heart drop to his stomach.
"No," Deeks gasped out painfully, "Please."
"Deeks," Callen tried to wake the man.
"Stop. Please, Daddy."
Pulling back from the man Callen stared at the younger man. His worst fear had
just been confirmed and he hated it. He had hoped that the had been reading too
much into what had been going on.
"Don't, Daddy. Good boy."
Callen gritted his teeth trying to keep his food down. That was definitely the
voice of a little boy. Deeks had to have been just a child when the abuse had
started by his 'father'. If you could call the man that.
"Yes, Daddy."
Deeks voice had dropped into a whisper as his body fell still. He had given up
trying to fight off his attacker. He finally reached the point of not wanting
to deal with the pain that he was being forced to deal with.
It was horrible to watch tears stream down the younger man's face as he did
everything he could to stay still. How ingrained was it in his mind that he was
following the orders in his sleep years after the abuse ended?
"Come on," Callen said sitting at the edge of the bed and resting a hand on the
man's shoulder, "Deeks, wake up. Marty!"
The blond shot up gasping for air his eyes darting around the room before
landing on Callen for a moment the Agent was sure that Deeks was going to take
a swing at him. Instead he fell into him sobbing into his chest.
Wrapping his arms around the shaking man he sat there trying his best to offer
him some kind of comfort. It was the second time Callen saw the normally bubbly
and strong man crying in the span of a few hours and it was just wrong.
"I'm sorry," Deeks pleaded his nails digging into Callen's shirt, "I'm sorry,
Daddy."
"Deeks," Callen called forcing the man to look at him, "It's me. Okay? It's
Callen."
Even with the younger man looking right in Callen's eyes it was as if he
couldn't see him. He continued to beg his 'father'. What he was begging the man
for Callen didn't know and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.
"Deeks!" Callen yelled not being able to handle it anymore.
"Callen?" Deeks questioned going still in his arms.
"You're safe. It's just me. You're safe."
A soft sob fell from the younger man as he curled himself into Callen's arms.
Callen was normally beginning to hate how every action of Deeks was that of a
small child. He almost seemed to be growing younger with every passing moment.
"Shh," Callen soothed rubbing his friends back, "I got you. You're safe. I
promise you that you're safe."
The blond shook his head obviously not believing the words. The Agent hated
knowing that there was nothing that he could do to help chase the fear away. At
least there was nothing that he knew of that would help.
"Tell me what to do," Callen requested gently, "Tell me what to do to help you.
Talk to me, Deeks."
"Can't," Deeks whispered shaking his head, "Daddy will be mad."
Callen felt confusion fill him. Deeks knew exactly who he was, but he was still
talking as if the abuse was continuing. Was it possible that the man that had
hurt Deeks when he was younger was still abusing him?
For that man's sake Callen hoped not. He knew that he wouldn't be in control of
what he did to the man if he ever got his hands on him. Though he did wish for
just five minutes to dish out half the pain that he caused the younger man.
"Your 'father' abused you," Callen said hoping to get the man to open up.
"Daddy had to show me where I belong," Deeks replied his voice taking almost a
mechanic tone.
Just based off the way his whole demeanor changed it looked as if the words had
been beaten into him. Something that was completely possible given everything
that he already knew about the man's 'father'.
"Where did he think you belonged?" Callen asked already regretting having
brought it up.
"On my knees," Deeks muttered staring at his lap, "At his feet. His perfect
little boy."
Callen felt the urge to throw up as the words slowly sunk in. The situation
just seemed to be getting worse with each passing revelation. The older man
couldn't help being upset at himself for forcing Deeks to relieve it.
The way he was talking about the abuse though made Callen think it wasn't
resolved in anyway. Deeks spent all of his life with his past playing in his
head over and over. No wonder he forced himself to be alone.
"Deeks," Callen tried to start not knowing what to say.
"He had to break me so I didn't fight," Deeks continued as if he didn't hear
the older man, "He'd hold me down and force me to stay on his dick for hours.
If I was bad he'd force me to sleep with a plug in me."
"If you were good?"
"He'd let me go take a shower before I slept to get the cum off of me."
Swallowing roughly Callen tried to push those thoughts and images that were
suddenly filling his mind. In all his years of being a cop he never had to deal
with a child abuse case. He had been insanely proud of that fact.
Now that there was a victim in front of him though there was nothing he could
do. The way he figured the best thing for Deeks would be to finally talk about
it. The fact he trusted Callen, even a little, was all the better for them
both.
"Tell me everything," Callen requested gently.
"I don't..." the younger man started as he pulled away slightly.
"He's not here, Marty. You're here with me. You're safe. I'll keep you safe."
"Daddy said..."
Callen could hear the confused plea in the blond's voice. It was as if he knew
that he could trust the older man to keep him safe, but the rules he had been
so used to following were at war with the knowledge.
"How old were you when the abuse started?" Callen questioned hoping that he'd
answer the question if he was focused on it alone.
"It went on for as long as I can remember," Deeks answered the numb edge coming
back into his tone once more, "Daddy said that he kept me around to train me.
If he hadn't seen that use in me he never would have let me be born."
"When did it stop?"
"I… Ray told me I had to. I had to stop Daddy from hurting me."
"What did Ray tell you to do?"
"He gave me a gun. He said that I had to make it stop. That if I didn't then
I'd never be free. I didn't… I didn't know that our relationship was wrong. I
thought… I thought my Daddy loved me."
If Callen's heart wasn't already broken from the younger man's story his tone
would have done it in. Deeks hadn't even known that he was being abused. He had
truly believed that his 'father' had loved him.
"Deeks," Callen sighed.
"He did love me," the blond continued as if he hadn't heard the other man, "He
old me all the time that he loved me. Every day he'd say it to me so I'd never
forget who I belonged to. Ray said that Daddy's weren't supposed to love their
songs like that."
"Ray was right. They aren't."
"He gave me a gun. He said that if Daddy came into my bed again to shoot him."
Tears were falling from the ocean blue eyes as he tried to explain why he had
done what he had done. He truly hadn't wanted to hurt his 'father', but somehow
Ray had convinced Deeks that something was wrong and he had to stop it.
Callen never thought he'd say it, but he was more than happy to know that the
criminal was Deeks best friend. Even if he did push him to do the wrong thing.
The blond was in need of someone that actually had his best interest in mind.
"I tried to put off going to bed that night," Deeks practically begged, "I
stayed in my bath extra long and let Daddy play extra long with me. He said I
was his perfect angel that night. I wanted to be good for him. Then he sent me
to bed. I begged to stay up late that night, but he said no. So I went."
Suddenly Deeks stood up causing Callen to sit back. For a moment it looked as
if the younger man was going to run, but then he turned to the Agent and
dropped to his knees. His lips were moving as he attempted to open the man's
jeans.
"What are you doing?" Callen yelled jumping to his feet, "Deeks. Stop!"
"I'll be good, Daddy," Deeks pleaded his eyes unfocused as he stared up at the
older man, "Let me show you."
Before Callen could say anything more Monty was on his feet barking loudly.
Almost instantly whatever trance Deeks had been under broke. He jerked away
from Callen as if he had been burned and moved as he was sitting against the
wall.
"Deeks," Callen muttered his eyes wide.
"Sorry about that," Deeks spoke sounding surprisingly lucid, "I got a
little..."
"Don't. Don't you fucking dare try to brush what just happened under the rug."
"Callen, I know it's a lot to take in, but I'm okay."
The older man stared at Deeks as if he had gone insane. How could the man think
that there was anything remotely okay about what had happened? Obviously
something had happened when the dog had barked.
"You just tried to..." Callen started.
"I know," Deeks nodded his head, "I don't do good with people sharing beds with
me. It's why I've been having nightmares."
"Deeks, it is long past time to go talk to someone about this."
"I have talked, but all they want to do is prescribe me pills. I don't need
pills. I can deal with this by myself. I know I can."
"You haven't though. Why not Nate? He's never tried to give me pills in the
past. He might be able to help you move on."
"I have moved… You don't understand, Callen."
"Then tell me. Explain to me what it is that I'm not getting because I want to
help you. I really do."
Glaring up at the older man Deeks got to his feet. For a moment Callen was sure
that the man was going to take a swing at him. Then he simply moved so they
were toe to toe and stared at him in complete silence. It was more than a
little odd.
"I love Daddy," Deeks ground out sounding as if it pained him to say the words,
"I am in love with him to this day and I hate him for that. I know in my mind
that what he did to me was wrong. I know that I should hate him, but I can't."
By the time Deeks was done his tone had turned back to pleading. His eyes were
wide and full of hope. It seemed as if he needed Callen to believe what he was
saying. As if he believed in what he was saying completely.
Callen wanted nothing more than to go back in time and find Deeks 'father' and
beat him. No one should have to deal with everything that he was. Especially
knowing that the abuse had ended so very long ago.
"Every morning I wake up I hate it when I realize that I'm alone," Deeks
continued his hands running through his hair, "Then the nightmares start. I
know that I was abused. I know that, Callen. There is no denial about that from
me. None of that changes it though."
"Deeks, you're not making any sense," Callen shook his head.
"I know. It's a difficult situation. My head tells me that he was a bad man and
that the fact that he's dead is a good thing. I'm finally free from him. My
heart, on the other hand, loves Daddy more than I can say. It makes me wonder
if I would have been better off never leaving him."
With a sigh Deeks fell onto the bed and buried his face in his hands. Seeing
his friend look so lost Callen couldn't help but sit down and wrap an arm
around his shoulders. The men sat there in silence before Deeks pulled away
once more.
"I'm sorry," Deeks shook his head, "I'm usually better at hiding it."
"You've been hiding for awhile," Callen agreed with a nod of his head.
"I'm usually good at being like this, but sharing a bed is messing with my
head. It's making me confused. I dream of him and they always start out the
same. Daddy climbing into bed with me and taking my pajamas off."
"You fight in your sleep. You ask him to stop."
"Sometimes he was drunk when he finally decided to come to bed. He always hurt
me when he was drunk. It was those times that I tried to fight him."
Falling to his knees next to the younger man Callen rested a hand on his
shoulder not knowing what else to do. He was so far out of his comfort zone it
wasn't even funny. He wasn't going to walk away though.
There had to be some way to get Deeks to go talk to someone. He was still
acting as if he was being abused. That was going to get him in a very dangerous
situation if he ran into someone that hurt him like his 'father' had.
It would be almost too easy for someone to come into the blond's life and take
him away. He'd be lost in a world of abuse and this time it would be so much
harder for them to bring him out once more.
There was a chance that Deeks wouldn't even want to come back. As bad as it
sounded he believed that the younger man truly thought his life would be better
if he had never listened to Ray and got away from his 'father'.
"Deeks, I think..." Callen tried to start.
"I'm not going to talk to someone. I don't need to hear them tell me that I'm
insane. I already know that I'm wrong for feeling the way that I do."
"You're not insane. You're the victim of a long abusive relationship with a man
that should have been there to protect you."
"He did protect me!"
"He took advantage of you and his relation with you."
Deeks shook his head and tried to curl in on himself. Callen was just starting
to feel like he was making progress though. He wasn't going to let the younger
man run away from this until he tried everything he could.
"You knew something was wrong," Callen continued to push, "You wouldn't have
listened to Ray if you hadn't."
"Daddy loved me," Deeks responded his voice beginning to shake.
"You got away from him physically. Now it's time to get away mentally."
"I love Daddy."
"Talk to Nate. Please, Marty, talk to Nate."
"I'm not strong enough to leave again. It hurt too much the first time."
"You're not alone. Me and Monty will be with you every step of the way. You
just have to say yes. I'll do the rest."
"I don't want to leave him."
"You already have. You're holding on to a ghost now. Talk to Nate."
"Daddy loved me. I love Daddy."
"I know you do, Marty. Just like you know you shouldn't. Talk to Nate. He can
help you the same way Ray did. The same way I'm trying to do now. Please?"
"O-Okay."
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