Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1568837.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Hunger_Games_Series_-_All_Media_Types
  Relationship:
      Katniss_Everdeen/Peeta_Mellark
  Character:
      Katniss_Everdeen, Peeta_Mellark, Johanna_Mason, Annie_Cresta, Cinna_
      (Hunger_Games), Effie_Trinket, Haymitch_Abernathy, Primrose_Everdeen,
      Mrs._Everdeen, Mr._Everdeen, Mrs._Mellark, Mr._Mellark, Gale_Hawthorne,
      Finnick_Odair, Alma_Coin, Dr._Aurelius, Coriolanus_Snow, probably_others
  Additional Tags:
      Mental_Institutions, Canonical_Character_Death, Rape, Mental_Health
      Issues, Mental_Breakdown
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-05-05 Chapters: 1/? Words: 2230
****** Learning Goodbyes ******
by itsmorgan
Summary
     After a series of events Katniss finds herself in the one place that
     she never wished to be and has no way of leaving until she turns to
     face her demons head on by herself, or at least that's how it was at
     first. Peeta thought that he had finally been broken for good and
     that there is no hope left in the world, at least that's what he
     thought.
Notes
     Since I already have two stories I wasn't going to post this until I
     was finished with one of them, but I figured that I might as well
     post it as a teaser of sorts. Tell me what you think.
The walls fade from light blue to a light yellow depending on what wing you’re
on and what room you’re in. Blue and yellow are supposed to be happy and
calming colors that invite you in. For me it just makes me want to throw
things. Everything here wants to make me throw things; the chipper nurses that
are dressed in condescending pediatric scrubs with Disney characters scattered
across the bright color background, the medicine in the tiny paper cups that
are administered two times a day and you have to take them in front of the
person giving them to you then she or he has to check your mouth to see if
you’ve really taken it. I hate that everything echoes throughout the halls and
fill wherever you are at; the clocks slowly ticking each minute by, the
annoyingly persistent beeps from different machines, the shouts from doctors
and nurses, the manic screams from the deeply disturbed.
But what I hate most of all is that I’m stuck here, physically and mentally
stuck in this God forsaken place while I have no business being here. But I’m a
minor and I can’t get out until I turn eighteen or I ‘get better’ whatever the
hell that means.
There is nothing wrong with me, that’s what I keep telling them and they all
answer the same. “I know it’s a hard adjustment, but it’s really for the best.”
It’s not for the best; none of this is for the best. They don’t know what the
best is for me, only I know that. And what’s best for me is outside of these
prison walls.
“Katniss, do you feel like sharing today?” Effie Trinket, the ridiculous social
worker that is assigned to our group, asks me with her clipboard and fancy pen
in hand.
I scoff and turn my head to look at the barred window; all the windows are
barred here so people can’t escape. So I’m stuck here, suffocated by Effie’s
pungent perfume and exotic dress wear, for now.
“You’ve been here nearly two weeks, certainly you have something you want to
say,” she tries again.
Oh I have plenty of things to say but I’d probably get put in a strait jacket
if I said any of them. I roll my eyes again and sink lower in my chair as I
cross my arms over my chest.
“Okay then,” I can see how Effie’s patience is wearing thin with my sulking
attitude. “How about we speak to someone new, Annie?”
A mousy brunette that is sitting three chairs down from me gives a little
squeak and her ocean colored eyes go wide with fear.
“We’re all friends here, Annie. Whatever you feel like sharing is going to be
our little secret,” she tries to coaxing the poor girl into talking. She tried
it on me when I first arrived but it didn’t work.
She doesn’t speak though earning a frown from Effie and a satisfying smirk from
me.
“How about we listen to some other people and maybe you can join in once you
feel comfortable,” she suggests. “Peeta, you’re always willing to tell us how
you feel.”
A guy from across the circle with wavy blond hair and bright blue eyes shrugs.
He talks a lot in our group sessions, never about why he’s here or how he’s
missing the lower part of his left leg. The first day of my group session he
sat beside me and tried to offer me a hello but I did what I do best and
completely ignored his presence until he got the hint that I didn’t plan on
making friends while here. The third day I noticed how whenever we’re in the
same room whether it be at group, in the cafeteria, or the common room, his
blue eyes linger on me just a second longer than it should. From that moment on
I decided that I didn’t like the guy. But a few days ago he disappeared, and I
hated that I noticed his absence, but I tell myself it’s only because it was
obvious.
“Warden,” he uses the nickname of for the director of this institution, “made
the nurses put my art supplies at the nurses station instead of my room because
it’s a ‘health hazard’ so I’m pretty pissed about that. I’ve got to ask someone
every time I was to paint now and check everything in and out. I always wait
until Cinna’s shift ‘cause he likes art too.”
“And what is your most recent painting?”
“It’s abstract, lots of color and lines that blend together,” Peeta shrugs.
“Probably means that I’m feeling chaotic,” he answers Effie’s next question on
what he thinks his painting means before she even gets a chance to ask.
“Well, at least you’re being honest with yourself, that is the most important
thing,” Effie smiles superficially and I have to fight back the bile rising in
my throat.
I tune out the rest of the group meeting and start making animals in the fluffy
clouds outside until Effie finally releases us at a quarter after eleven. Some
of us go to the common room where we watch lame day time TV or play scrabble
but I head to my room, I always go to my room. No sense in going to the common
room if I don’t plan on making any friends.
My roommate, Johanna is laying face up on her bed when I walk through the door.
“Hey Brainless,” she mumbles to me. I’m not too sure how I acquired the
nickname ‘brainless’ but it’s stuck.
“Hey Jo,” I plop down on my own cardboard-like mattress and lay my head against
the thin pillow. We stare up at the drop ceiling in silence until a bell rings
claiming those forty-five minutes between group and lunch has passed.
I follow Johanna with a red tray in my hands down the lunch line in silence and
once our single slice of cheese pizza, fruit cup, and bottle of water make it
onto the tray I follow her to one of the back tables.
“Who’s that?” Jo asks, motioning with her head to the girl that just walks into
the cafeteria.
“That’s Annie, she’s new,” I offer her information.
“I love newbies,” Johanna grins. “Hey Annie!” she calls and waves her over once
Annie has gotten her food and begins looking for a place to sit.
She takes a seat next to Jo without looking up; her hands are tangled in a knot
on her lap. It’s similar to how I reacted when Johanna called my name the first
time I ate lunch in the cafeteria.
“I’m Johanna, this is Katniss,” she introduces us.
“Hi,” Annie whispers in a timid voice.
“Whatcha in here for? I had a stalker, he killed my family,” he says coolly.
“Who the hell knows why Brainless is in here, she won’t tell anybody.”
Johanna told me why she was here on my first night after my psychiatric
evaluation. She had been having problems with an internet stalker and no matter
what the stalker said, or threatened, the police couldn’t really do anything
about it until the stalker started harassing Johanna in real life. Little did
the police know that the stalker would break into Johanna’s house in the dead
of night, tie up her parents and younger brother and make her watch while he
slit their throats. It was a long time before the police were notified, when
Johanna’s parents didn’t show up for work and her and her brother were absent
from school for nearly a month without a word, did the police break down
Johanna’s front door only to find her bound and gagged, naked and bloodied from
torture and rape with her family’s rotting remains as an audience.
She acts normal in person; she if what she went through wasn’t a big deal, but
I’m her roommate and I get to hear every drug induced nightmares that she can’t
escape from. I feel sorry for her really because this is home for Johanna now;
she’ll never make it out of here alive.
“Johanna,” I scold her. “Don’t tell her, you don’t need to tell anyone.”
“Dr. Aurelius says it’s good to talk about how you’re feeling. He wasn’t proud
of me in group today,” Annie murmured hurriedly.
“Yeah well, what does he know?” I grumble and stab a piece of melon with my
spork; forks are dangerous.
Annie looks at me like she wants to apologize but instead turns back to her raw
carrots. I begin to eat in silence and so does Annie while Johanna starts
talking about whatever crosses her mind, she has no filter. She might have
before but the doctors have drilled her into not censoring her thoughts in fear
of another meltdown, so now she says anything and everything. She needs to talk
for a use as a distraction. Johanna is currently in the middle of a battle with
anorexia and the more distraction she causes, the easier it is to hide the fact
that she hasn’t touched any of her food. It was annoying at first but now I
welcome the constant chatter because it helps block out my own thoughts, and I
ignore Johanna’ refusal to eat because it’s not my problem.
“Peeta!” I look up when Johanna calls out his name while waving him over, just
like she did Annie.
I plead with her with my eyes, praying that he doesn’t make his way our way.
But he does, of course he does. I feel his presence behind me, right before he
sets his tray next to mine and takes the unoccupied seat next to me.
“How was animal watch?” Johanna grins and I look at her confused, we don’t have
animals here.
“Fine,” Peeta says curtly.
“I didn’t know you knew Peeta,” I let slip out.
“Oh yeah,” Johanna says carelessly. “We’re very familiar with each other’s
screams,” Johanna gives us a wicked grin.
Another confused look goes across my face and I wonder what screams she’s
referring to. Peeta doesn’t seem like the type to be screaming. He’s too nice
and docile for that type of behavior, the exact opposite of Johanna actually.
“Johanna,” Peeta warns in an exasperated tone.
“Fine, you three are no fun. What’s the point of being in a loony bin if you’re
just going to bottle up your crazy?”
I’m not crazy. Johanna is, and maybe Annie, but I am not crazy. I push my chair
back forcefully causing it to skid against the linoleum tile and stalk off,
only able to hear Johanna ask what she did wrong.
Normally I would go back to my room and lay down after lunch but Johanna might
show up so I don’t go there. Instead I venture down the halls and end up in the
relatively empty common room. A nurse is sitting at the nursing station and two
people are watching some game show on the TV. I’ve never been in this room on
my own before, only when I was getting a tour of the facility and again when I
was forced into showing my Uncle around the place when he came for his first
visit. I don’t expect him to come again, we haven’t had the best of
relationships, and neither of us are rather friendly or like to talk. 
I take a seat at one of the four card tables and begin to make patterns in the
faded table top. The chair across from me slides out of place and someone sits
down. If I don’t look up, they’ll go away. But they don’t. I sneak a peak
through the curtain of my dark hair that has fallen into my face; it’s Peeta,
patiently waiting for me to acknowledge him. When I don’t he moves to pick out
a game from the game cart nearby and returns to his seat, taking it upon
himself to set whatever game he’s picked out.
“You like Scrabble?” he asks.
I shrug my shoulders; I’m not that great with words.
“We don’t have to keep points,” he suggests and hands me the thin piece of wood
that keeps the pieces upright. “You can even go first.”
I pick seven letters and arrange them on my rack, only taking a moment before
placing the word ‘jewel’ across the board. Peeta plays off of my word by
spelling ‘lemon’ downwards using my ‘L’.  We play in complete silence for
nearly fifteen minutes, both of us staring directly at the board and nowhere
else, when Peeta clears his throat.
“Sorry about Johanna, she’ been here a while and forgets what it was like in
the beginning.”
“I know, she told me why she’s here,” I say bitterly.
“Yeah. I got here about a year after her. She took me under her wing for a bit,
like she did with you and now Annie. She pretends that she’s not affected by
anything, but I can tell that she is.”
 I can tell too. I look up at Peeta and the first time since he’s sat down we
make eye contact, bright blue eyes to steel gray ones. I have to look away
because they remind me of too much of her and if I stare any longer I’ll do
something stupid; like cry.
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