Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/13519299.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Thor_(Movies)
  Relationship:
      Loki/Thor_(Marvel)
  Character:
      Thor_(Marvel), Loki_(Marvel), Laufey_(Marvel), Odin_(Marvel)
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Modern_Setting, Alpha/Omega, secretly_an_Omega,
      Alternate_Universe_-_Not_Related, Secret_Crush
  Stats:
      Published: 2018-01-30 Updated: 2018-02-28 Chapters: 3/5 Words: 19911
****** Lamette ******
by Arwen88
Summary
     Loki and Thor are sons of rival business men. They become friends at
     an event and develop a crush on each other. Loki though is faking
     being an alpha under his father's request, and even if Thor finds out
     he promises not to tell his secret.
Notes
     Written for the CowT and the Maritombola of LDF. Proofread by Yuppu
     because english is not my first language. First attempt with this
     ship.
     "Lamette" is a song by Donatella Rettore.
***** Enters the Fool of Fate *****
Loki walked out of the busy ballroom where the gala his father had been invited
to was unfolding and finally he was able to take a deep breath. The night air
was pleasantly chilly against his flushed face and for the umpteenth time he
asked himself how those people could stand being dressed to the nines at such a
hot temperature. He was well aware that the strange ones were probably him and
his father in there, since they were used to the the life in Alaska and the
others were probably used to New York or even Los Angeles and needed a room
that warmed up a lot in winter.
Still he took the chance to stand outside and cool down for a bit with not so
much of a pang of regret. His father had brought him there because he had
already told the media that he wanted to show off his son and future heir of
the company, but Loki was well aware that his father would have taken anyone
else at all instead of him. The company had to be ruled by an alpha, like his
father and his grandfather before him, but test's result had arrived just that
week and the truth was that Loki, only heir of their family, was unmistakably
omega. His father had gone crazy at finding out his nature, shouting that it
wasn't possible, that it was a shame to their family and the end for their
company. There was nothing Loki could do but stay silent as his father shouted
and kept insulting him, talking about him as if he wasn't even in the room.
Still, the man had promised the media he would have presented them the heir to
his company and he had no intention to go back on his word. Not even if to not
"lose his face" the only solution he found was to ask Loki to swear to never
reveal he wasn't an alpha. All future problems would have been settled in the
future, he said. Loki swallowed down his complaints over the matter and agreed
to not reveal himself, no matter how even at this young age he fully understood
it was a sure way to never find a partner for life. Laufey took him to the gala
as if nothing ever happened and presented Loki, heir of his business empire, as
the next alpha of his family, and the teenager rolled with it, lying and
smiling while doing so.
Still, he retreated outside the room as soon as possible, trying to catch a
breath, trying to find his balance after being thrown in the middle of a bunch
of rich people that wanted nothing more than find some weak spot in him that
could be exploited when in the future they would have had to deal with him
instead of his father.
He was trying to calculate how long he could stay far from the scenes before
his father was to take notice of his absence when the door slid open once again
but instead of the man he was expecting to see, it was another boy to get out
the room and onto the balcony.
Thor looked at him with the same surprise that was written on Loki's face and
let a smile spread on his lips as he walked straight towards him.
"Can't believe someone finally took a boy my age here. It's so boring usually,
am I right?"
Loki wasn't used to being talked to in such an open way but somehow found
himself reciprocating his smile.
"I wouldn't know, this is the first time I come to one of these occasions." He
admitted.
Thor nodded, looking perfectly relaxed as he hold out a hand. "I'm Thor." He
presented himself.
"Loki." The other boy murmured with a soft smile, shaking his hand even if the
gesture seemed forced once it wasn't with some old bat but with a guy his own
age.
Thor leaned against the railing with his elbows, watching the city under them,
awake even at night. "This place is crazy beautiful, I wouldn't want to live
anywhere else." He said, even if it sounded a bit as if he had just been
talking to himself.
Loki just let his gaze roam the buildings and streets and after a moment he
nodded, except he inclined slightly his head. "It's a nice place. A bit too
hot, maybe."
Thor laughed, turning to look at him. "Dude, we're in winter. In New York.
Where do you come from that this is hot?" He asked curious.
"Alaska." Loki straightened a bit, nodding, expecting words about the place
being deserted but for the bears. Instead Thor's eyes went wide and he seemed
to brim with excitement.
"Really? How is it to live out there? I bet you think this is hot if you're
used to that. Come on, tell me, what do you do when you just go stir crazy at
home?" He started firing question after question and Loki found himself
speechless for a moment under the intense curiosity and sheer acceptance that
radiated from the boy. He was so used to talking mostly to his father and his
men and none of them seemed to have time to talk to him, so being the center of
someone’s focus was quite new to him, even if not unwelcome.
He tried to answer the questions as best as he could, even if he started to
grasp at little lies to cover for what he didn't know yet. It took him some
time to notice how Thor had gotten closer to him as he was listening to him
raptly. Loki felt himself flush under that focus and as Thor spoke of his house
and what he used to do with his friends he took the time to watch the boy
closely. Loki found him to be extremely beautiful with his blonde hair and
sparkling blue eyes, even if he was pretty sure it was the animated smile on
his face the feature able to make him stand out in a crowd. Suddenly it came to
his mind the thought that maybe the reason why he found the boy so interesting
and beautiful could have been their respective nature and trying not to get
caught he tried to find out if the boy scented of alpha. Thor suddenly stopped
talking and Loki blinked, watching the boy's smile spread even more.
"Yes?"
"Were you sniffing at me?" Thor asked laughing and Loki abruptly took a step
back, feeling his cheeks flush.
"No." He retorted, looking insulted.
But Thor chose that moment to lean in himself and Loki just held his breath as
Thor pushed his face almost against his neck, gently sniffing at him.
"Well, you do smell wonderful." He murmured.
Loki felt his face burn and didn't move, almost holding his breath to avoid
inhaling the good scent the boy carried, even if he couldn't resist from
admiring those features so close to him. Thor looked him in the eyes for a
couple seconds, without saying anything, and then he gently pressed his lips
against Loki's.
Loki's eyes closed of their own volition and the boy took half a step closer to
the boy he had met not half an hour ago. It just felt right to kiss him, to
forget the rest of the world and let the boy wrap him in his arms and hold him
to his chest. When Thor tried to deepen the kiss Loki parted his lips, eager to
find out what came next, how good could it feel to be kissed by the blonde
smiling guy that seemed to just know how to treat him right.
He wanted to tell Thor how good he was at kissing, how he didn't want to stop,
but when they broke apart he felt his brain fuzzy. Thor smiled at him and Loki
ended up telling him the first thing on the tip of his tongue.
"I love this city too." He murmured, feeling stupid right the moment after, but
Thor laughed softly and kept holding him in his arms.
"Then come here more often. I could house you. I do have a lot of space." The
boy nodded.
Loki huffed a smile at his invitation and tried to sound a bit more sure of
himself. Instead of commenting on their kiss, he nodded at the door from which
the lights came out of the ballroom.
"They're gonna see us. I'm not sure my dad would be happy about it."
Thor seemed to consider it seriously for a moment but then the smile returned.
Loki expected him to ignore his complaint, but the boy slowly lead him backward
against the wall without letting him go. Loki soon found himself enveloped in
the shadows, his back pressed against the brick wall and the boy against his
chest. He felt the heat rise inside him and he couldn't prevent a moan to
escape his lips as Thor went back at kissing him. Loki wrapped his arms around
the muscular shoulders of the other boy and let him take the lead in the kiss,
enjoying the feeling of being wanted like that for the first time in his life.
For the shortest moment, his thoughts went to the fact that he should have
hidden his real nature as an omega, but he tried to push it away, telling
himself that there was no way for Thor to know that he wasn't an alpha himself.
There were plenty of alphas in the world and so few omegas that most alphas
ended up marrying other alphas anyway. There was no reason to spoil the moment
by telling the boy there was no way for them to get to something more, it
wasn't like they were going to keep this up or meet again, or so he told
himself.
They both lost any sense of time, lost in kissing each other, and more than
half an hour went by before someone else stepped into the balcony. The sound of
the opening door managed to break them apart, both looking slightly embarrassed
at being so close to be found out but at the same time grinning like idiots at
each other. Loki couldn't help but notice that Thor looked positively ravished
and he took some pride on the fact that it had been him to be able to manage
that. He also wondered if he presented the same sight. From the look his father
gave him at seeing him so close to Thor and by the way the man's gaze fell
right over his lips before seeming to start steaming from the ears, he had to
give himself a positive answer.
"It's time to go, grab your coat." The man ordered, watching just for a moment
Thor before marching away and inside the room.
"Shit..." Thor murmured, worried. "Is everything alright? Will he give you
problems?"
"He's always like that." Loki shrugged, but that didn't seem to quiet the other
boy's worries.
Instead Thor held out his hand and took one of Loki's. It was warm, and soft
with a few callouses, but generally pleasant to the touch as Thor squeezed his
hand.
"I'll give you my number, call me if you- if you want to talk. Or to come here.
I'll house you." He promised again, cracking a smile before reciting his number
in the hope that Loki would remember it and maybe put it to use for real
apparently.
Loki knew he wouldn't have been able to have a relationship with the guy, not
with the need to hide his identity, but Thor was nice and seemed actually
interested in him and so he nodded, thinking that keeping contact with a friend
could have been nice.
Loki didn't find out who the other guy's father was until he and Laufey had
reached the dressing room to pick up their coats and Laufey turned on him with
fury in his face, hissing against him.
"I took you here to present the new heir of the family company, not for you to
suck faces with Odin's son. I don't want you to hear of that boy again if it's
not to find some way to make that old beard lose his money." He growled before
grabbing his coat and marching out.
Loki stood still, finally understanding who exactly he had spent half his
evening kissing and why his father had been so adamant in them needing to go
away after seeing him busy with Thor. One moment after he felt a white rage
twists his guts and against his father's orders he went to look for Thor
without even really grabbing his jacket, sure that his father had gone to their
car already and he wouldn't meet him again in the room. He was now suddenly
sure that everything Thor had done out in the balcony was some kind of trick to
make sure he would find out some weak spot just as everybody else had tried to
do that evening. He saw the boy's back and made a beeline for him, going
unnoticed in the crowd, but he had to stop when at few steps from him he heard
Thor name him.
"Yeah, I just met Loki. He is great in my opinion. Nothing like his father,
really. I mean, I don't know the guy but he does seem a bit uptight. But Loki
is great, dad, really." Just then Loki saw that the man Thor was busy talking
was in fact his father's business competitor. The man was busy loading a plate
from the buffet while Thor kept talking.
"I hope we get to become friends."
"You're the heir of my company, Thor. You can't just be friends with the heir
of your enemy."
"Loki is not an enemy, we can totally be friends, dad."
"In the future-"
"We'll still be friends. We don't have to be competitors if we stay friends,
right?" He shrugged and his father sighed heavily, shaking his head.
Loki kept quiet, suddenly feeling stupid for thinking Thor could have tried to
trick him when the boy seemed to be so hyped talking about him.
Thor turned and, before Loki could manage to hide behind someone and beat a
retreat toward his father, the boy saw him and approached him without a moment
hesitation.
"Loki! I was just talking to my dad about you now!" He informed him with a big
smile. "And I wrote my number on a napkin for you, in case you forgot it and I
managed to meet you again." He huffed a smile, fishing said napkin out of his
pocket and putting it into the hands of a dumbfounded Loki. "I hope we'll meet
again soon."
Loki couldn't do anything else but stare at those blue eyes and slowly nod,
holding tight to that paper napkin with a number written across.
"I'll call you." He promised without thinking before walking away in the
fastest way he could manage without outright running.
Loki called Thor after all, just the morning after, the whole time fearing of
passing as too clingy, but Thor seemed thrilled to hear of him and invited him
at his house once again as soon as Loki told him that he would have stayed in
New York for a few more days since his father was there for work. Loki debated
whether breaking his father's rules for a whole two minutes before grabbing his
coat and taking a cab to reach the address Thor had given him over the phone.
Odin's house was huge, more like a palace than a house from Loki's point of
view, but he stopped looking around when a muscular boy suddenly jumped on him
and wrapped his arms around his torso to lift and crush Loki in a bear hug.
"You came!"
"Can't breathe-" Loki wheezed and took a deep breath as soon as Thor let him go
with a laugh. He didn't even hear what the boy said after but suddenly Thor had
taken a hold of his hand once more like the previous night and started leading
him up marble stairs and to his rooms.
"I'm so happy you came. Is your father going to stay away long? You could stay
here for as long as it takes for him to go back and he wouldn't even find out!"
He talked excitedly, letting Loki get only a glimpse of his room before the boy
distracted him once again by pulling him against his chest.
Loki had a protest at the tip of his tongue but he kept quiet, amazed by the
way Thor was looking at him.
"Can you stay for tonight? Or just till dinner..."
"My father will be away till tomorrow afternoon." He murmured, smiling a bit at
the happiness clear on the boy's face at his answer.
"We could order pizza. Do you like pizza? Do you have pizza in Alaska?"
"It's Alaska, not Mars, Thor." He huffed. "Yes, we do have pizza."
Thor laughed, a bright luminous sound that pulled a smile from Loki too.
"Yeah, sorry. Then two pizzas. Filled with everything they got."
Loki grimaced. "Maybe not everything."
"Everything."
"No. I'm not eating pineapples and anchovies and artichokes in the same pizza."
"Yeah... that does sound bad." Thor admitted slowly. "But I've never actually
tried, so I have no way to know for sure. Yet."
Loki opened his mouth to retort but closed it to just try again a moment later.
"I'm not kissing you on that mouth if you eat that." He warned the boy,
frowning at seeing Thor just smile and laugh, and suddenly noticed he had just
said out loud how he expected the day to go. He tried to mask his fluster but
Thor didn't let him, bending down to kiss him just like the previous night.
Loki lost any will to complain about pizza and lost himself in the kiss,
letting Thor lead it and crush him against his chest, just thinking about
feeling good for once in his life.
They ended up sitting on Thor's bed and kissing like there couldn't have been
anything better in life. Loki ran his fingers in the boy's long blonde hair,
experimentally tugging a bit a finding out that Thor made the sweetest sounds
when he did that. Soon the boy's hands were on his hair too, reciprocating the
caresses and the delicate pull, and Loki found himself growing hotter by the
minute.
"I'm hot..." He sighed, almost breathless, when they broke apart.
"Yes, you are." Thor nodded, moving one hand to caress his neck.
Loki just rolled his eyes, huffing a smile. "I mean that it's too hot in here."
He explained, taking off his sweater, but suddenly he noticed how Thor kept
quiet, just looking at him as if he was looking for something. "What?"
Instead of answering Thor pushed his face against Loki's neck, ignoring how
that made the boy flush, and gave him a good sniff just like the previous
night.
"Your smell is even sweeter than yesterday." The boy murmured, stroking his
nose against his pale neck. "And you are really hot." He considered.
If Loki had been ready to retort that he was well aware of it, thank you so
much, he stopped at seeing the serious expression with which Thor was looking
at him.
"Loki, when was the last time you went into heat?"
Loki felt himself die inside for a moment, but the next one he forced a laugh -
if a touch nervously. "What- I don't go in heat."
"I'm pretty sure you're going in heat now." Thor considered. "Have you ever
been this close to an alpha before?" He asked to be sure, moving one finger to
point between the two of them still quite pressed against each other.
"I'm- no. I'm an alpha." He repeated, even if he could feel his body heat rise
faster and faster, making him wish just to get rid of any clothes.
"I'm pretty sure you're not." Thor shook his head, informing the other with an
almost sweet tone, worried that it could come as a shock to Loki.
Loki made a sound, suddenly understanding that there was no way to dance around
it since his body had decided that being finally mature and that close to an
alpha probably meant that he was ready to have sex. He pressed his hands to his
face, starting to panic at the thought of his father finding out their lie had
been discovered even more than he was doing so for going into an uncontrolled
heat inside the bedroom of an alpha he barely knew.
"Nobody can know."
"What?"
"Nobody can know!" He blurted, finally taking away the hands from his face to
glare at Thor. "You can't tell anybody. This is my secret, okay? You can't
tell. Okay?" He hated how his voice came out in the end, almost pleadingly, but
after a moment of surprise Thor simply nodded, looking more serious than Loki
had ever seen him.
"I won't tell." He promised. "But you need to take your suppressants now,
before it's late and the heat starts. I mean- I don't think any of us wanted
the evening to end with a bonding." He chuckled softly. "I love kissing you and
I know I'm pretty charming, but that's probably a touch too much too fast."
Loki groaned and rolled his eyes but he smiled a bit, shaking his head. "Yes,
no, I didn't come here to get impregnated, thank you so much."
"Glad to be on the same page. Now. You do have your suppressants, right?"
"No, I don't." Loki murmured staring at the ceiling.
"Why."
"Because I'm an alpha." He said slowly, as if Thor was obtuse for not
understanding.
"Sorry to give you the news, but you're not. And you need them."
Loki groaned, exasperated, and turned to look at him. "I can't go to a pharmacy
and just buy some suppressants because they would ask me if they're for me and
what my doctor says and I can't tell anybody that-"
"You do know right that drugstores exist? They don't care who gets in and buys
what." Thor interrupted him. "We're in New York, not in a twenty people small
town. They won't ask for your name and they won't remember your face. Most
suppressants don't even require a prescription." He shrugged.
It took Loki a good five seconds to know how to respond between the surprise of
finding out that and his brain starting to feel fuzzy. "And how do you know?"
"Dad produces them? His company, at least, among all the other things he sells.
But they're on the shelves like muffins and cookies and soda on every shop. You
don't need your doctor prescription or to tell anybody who you are or for whom
they are. Just take your money and buy them. Unless you want me to go and buy
some for you."
"Would you really do that?" He asked, incredulous.
"Sure, why not? Friends are there for friends in need. And you don't look like
you can get out without suppressants right now without being jumped in the
street." He added.
"But you're an alpha." Loki blurted out, without understanding for a moment why
a real alpha would ever want to go in a shop and buy omega suppressants. He was
pretty sure anyone else he knew and had known for much longer than the boy in
front of him would have laughed and told him to get it done by himself.
Thor understood after a moment from where that incredulity was coming and he
nodded slowly. "As my mom says, any decent alpha should be there for his omega
partner. Or friends." He hurried to add, blushing slightly but cracking a
smile. "I'll go, okay? You just wait here."
Loki nodded, staying where he was as he watched Thor get up from the bed and
disappear through the door.
Loki dozed off while Thor was gone, waking up only at the feeling of the
mattress dipping under Thor's weight when the boy came back. Thor was watching
him with a worried gaze that relaxed slightly only at seeing Loki wake up.
"You're all flushed." He informed Loki, as if the boy wasn't fully aware of the
heat he was enduring or didn't notice the sweat beading his forehead.
"Thanks, you sure know how to flatter someone." Loki murmured.
Thor laughed softly and helped him sit up and take the suppressants with a
glass of water. Loki knew his body was trying to convince him that he should
have had sex, right that second, preferably with the alpha sitting by his side,
but he was set on not getting pregnant and not bonding to anyone since he was
fully aware his lie wouldn't permit him to have a relationship.
"Nobody can find out about this."
"Mm." Thor nodded, taking the glass off his hands to put it on the nightstand.
He then proceeded to toe off his shoes and lie on the bed, waiting for Loki to
do the same, not even hinting to a desire to take off the rest of his clothes.
After a moment of uncertainty, Loki mirrored him, still feeling a bit awkward
at lying on someone else's bed but feeling more and more sleepy nevertheless.
Thor rolled on the bed to lie on his side and passing an arm around Loki's
midriff, he pulled his friend against his chest, so that he could spoon him
from behind.
"This is-"
"We're just sleeping, Loki, calm down." Thor yawned, totally prepared to sleep
himself.
Loki kept quiet, trying to think of some retort, but Thor's body was warm and
his arm made him feel safer. Moreover there was nothing for him outside that
bed, not for miles and miles. He doubted even his father would care if he were
to call the man and inform him about his heat. He sighed, surrendering to the
fact that he was going to spend his first heat under suppressants in an alpha's
bed, but without having any kind of sex.
"I mean it, you know. You can't tell anybody." He murmured, even if not so sure
Thor was still awake.
"I won't tell a soul." Was the quiet answer from behind his back. "Friends keep
secrets for each others. Like brothers. You can think of me as your big brother
now."
Loki considered for the shortest moment that by the sound of his voice Thor
seemed on the verge of sleep but then again his words were too much to him and
he frowned. "Thor, you just had your tongue down my throat."
"Special brothers, then." Thor replied after a moment of thought.
Loki huffed a smile, lightly shaking his head on the pillow. "I'm so happy
you're an only child..." He joked.
When he woke up, Thor was still behind his back, but it was clear that several
hours had passed and that the boy had moved in the meantime, since not only the
lights were off and it was night outside the huge windows, but they were both
covered with a blanket.
Loki closed his eyes once again, simply basking in the warmth of the boy's
embrace and how good being that managed to make him feel. He soon dozed off
once again, the heat almost forgotten thanks to the pills.
When Loki blinked awake again, it was barely dawn and Thor had slightly shifted
behind him, his arms not pressed so tightly around his belly. Slowly as to not
wake him up, Loki tried to move and face Thor, trying to understand what could
have been his angle in being so good to him. His father had raised him to
believe that nothing was for nothing and if someone did something good for you
you always had to wait for them to tell you what was the price. But strangely,
a little voice inside him made Loki think that maybe Thor had no angle, maybe
he was just kind. Maybe he really enjoyed Loki's company. Certainly he liked to
kiss him, maybe even to press him against surfaces or against his own body, but
if the boy had sought him out for some sexual satisfaction there was no
explaining why he didn't take advantage of his heat. If Thor had even asked
Loki to take off his clothes after a couple hours into the heat with no
suppressants Loki, would have done it, no question asked, no regrets. But Thor
didn’t do that, he had taken care of him as if he was worried of his well
being. As if Loki mattered anything to him, even though they had just met the
previous night. Thor didn't seem the kind of boy that had troubles finding
friends or having fun with omegas and even alphas, nothing like him living in a
small town where everybody was afraid of his father. So it didn't make any
sense. Somehow he would have understood if their parts had been reversed: Loki
was the one who had something to lose at rejecting the guy. He was the one who
had something - maybe a friend, definitely someone he could share his troubles
with, even more someone he felt good kissing and touching - to lose in all
that.
He took his time studying Thor's profile in the soft light of daybreak, finding
him to be almost painfully beautiful. He had to admit that his friend was to
become a breathtaking alpha in just a couple years, someone who could have
anyone he wanted in the world between his beauty, kindness and money. Loki was
fully aware, on the other hand, that he was destined to be alone for the rest
of his life, even if he desired with all his heart to be loved. Gently as to
not wake him up, Loki started to graze with his fingers the boy's face, tracing
his features till he thought he would be able to remember him even though they
would probably never see each other again for a very long time.
Thor started to wake up and still Loki kept quiet, watching those blonde
eyelashes flutter before the blue eyes of the other boy stared right at him.
"Good morning." He croaked, feeling suddenly self conscious as he cleared his
voice before trying again.
But Thor just smiled and leaned in to kiss him on the corner of his mouth.
"Good morning to you, Loki. How did you sleep?"
"Fairly well." He nodded, a touch to seriously maybe, and flushed a bit when
Thor tightened the grip around his back to pull him against his chest. Instead
of kissing him again Thor tucked Loki's head under his own chin, gently
massaging the nape of his neck.
"Can you stay a bit more?"
Loki closed his eyes, inhaling deeply the scent of the alpha, and required a
couple seconds to answer him. "Maybe a few hours. I should be back before
lunch."
"You should stay here..."
"Why is that." He whispered, slowly grabbing the boy's shirt in his hands,
almost afraid he would suddenly change his mind and push him away.
"Well, first of all... you're still in heat, I can smell it. It wouldn't be
safe for you outside. But if you have to be back for lunch I'll ask for the car
and I'll take you there if that's alright with you."
Loki nodded in silence, thinking that was quite logical and actually a nice
thought on Thor's part. Still, he had hoped for the reason to be a bit more
personal.
"Secondly... I want to spend more time like this with you." Thor admitted, his
fingers still massaging Loki's scalp.
Loki took a deep breath at that and smiled, nodding again but this time moving
away enough to be able to press his lips against Thor's.
"I'll stay a bit more." He said with a smile, hoping Thor would notice his
joking tone and understand the "because it's safer here" he added after that
wasn't really the reason he wanted to stay.
From the bright smile Thor gave him Loki was sure that he had understood and
gladly let the boy led him back under his chin, where he enjoyed the cuddles
and warmth his friend was ready to share with him.
They spent a couple more hours in bed, kissing and just hugging, before Loki
finally resigned himself to the necessity of leaving. It was naturally then
that Thor had to say something to ruin the whole mood between them. Loki had
just sat up when Thor decided to blurt out what he had been thinking since the
previous evening.
"You know, I'm quite proud of being the one who triggered your first heat."
Loki looked at him, taken aback. "What- do you really think that sounds
appropriate?" He asked, a tad shocked.
Thor grinned at him from below, still sprawled on his own bed, long hair
surrounding his head on the pillow like a soft golden crown. He was the picture
of a too young prince and Loki for a moment envied him and how he seemed to
deal with life so easily.
"Well, it is nice for a young alpha to find a pretty omega that responds so
well to him. I don't think there could be more flattering circumstances for a
rendezvous."
Loki rolled his eyes even as he huffed a smile. "It's more like that you were
the first, not that you were the best at something."
"You don't know I won't be the best at it."
Loki kept talking as if he hadn't heard him, ignoring his own blush. "Then
again you probably shouldn't see too much into it. Don't get yourself all
worked up."
But Thor just grinned more. "I'm already worked up here. And I'd love to see
more, actually..." He joked, pulling with no real strength at his sweater.
Loki batted his hand away, telling himself it was just the heat killing him and
he wasn't blushing because of those advances from the boy. "You are well aware
that there couldn't be really something between us. I live in Alaska, you're
here in New York. It's not practical." He considered in his most dignified
tone.
Thor didn't want to give in though, and he took his hand to brush his lips
against Loki's fingers. "I don't care if it's not practical, or if it will take
years to see each other. I hope we'll keep in contact. And nothing says one day
one or the other we won't move closer to each other."
Loki didn't say anything at that, listening to his heart thump in his chest,
desperately wishing to believe that the boy could have been serious and really
willing to wait for him even though fully aware that no one was to know that
Loki wasn't an alpha.
"I have to go..." He murmured, but instead of simply taking away his hand from
Thor's he slowly and gently stroked his lips, hoping that the boy would
understand.
 
Loki was well aware that there was no chance to have a real relationship with
Thor but that didn't stop him from reaching out and text the other. Thor was
fast to answer and soon they started talking to each other about everything and
anything, at every hour. Before he noticed Loki was spilling everything about
himself to Thor and the boy seemed to reciprocate it enthusiastically, often
sending pictures of what he was eating or the places he went, what he was doing
with his friends and what not.
Loki tried to tell himself that they were just friends, that they were
"brothers", since Thor had started to call him "bro" in their texts, but late
at night, when he was alone, Loki couldn't help but let his mind wander around
what they could have been if they had just born from someone else, if they
hadn't been sons of competing business men. He would have never told Thor, but
when he was alone Loki would finally drop any pretense and he would often look
at the boy's pictures as he tried to remember exactly how it felt to be in his
arms, to kiss him and feel the warmth of his body, of his lips, against him.
Loki couldn't stop himself from dreaming about what could have been if he had
spent his heat with Thor in that bed where he had just slept with him. One
night, before he could stop or manage to persuade himself that it would have
made things more awkward, Loki ended up pushing his pants down with his
underwear and wrapping one hand around his own cock. He moaned softly, his eyes
closing on their own volition as he started to jerk off trying to remember how
Thor's hands had felt on his skin, how his lips were hot and pleasurable on his
neck and on his lips, how he had wished for the boy to undress him while he was
lying under him on the bed.
He masturbated to the memory of Thor's touches and kisses till he reached the
edge with the boy's name on his lips.
As he was lying in bed after, still trying to catch his breath, Loki was hit by
the sudden realization that he had passed a point of no return and there was no
way he could ever go back at pretending with himself that he wasn't interested
in having more than a friendship with Thor. He desperately ached with desire
for the boy, desire to be held, to be loved, to let the boy convince him that
there was a chance for them, that Thor wouldn't grow tired of him. But at the
same time, he was fully aware that there was no way he could tell so to his
friend, there was no way he would ask him to relegate himself to a life beside
someone who would forever pretend not to be with him or even interested in a
relationship between them. He closed his eyes shut once again and rolled on the
bed, pressing his face in the pillow as he let the tears fall for the future
that lay in front of him.
***** Through me along the people that are lost *****
Chapter Notes
     Chapter title is a quote from Dante's Inferno, "per me si va tra la
     perduta gente", written on the door to Hell.
     Another quote, this time inside the chapter itself, is "There are
     times when the truth is the worst possible thing you can come out
     with." from "The 13½ Lives of Captain Bluebear" written by Walter
     Moers.
     Still written for the CowT of LDF and proofread by Yuppu.
The friendship between Loki and Thor grew strong in the years as they both
followed the path their fathers had lain in front of them. Both of them studied
to be one day at the head of their companies, even if with different approaches
to the role as Loki found himself attracted to the study of the law and Thor to
economics. Loki had to move from home to attend university, but his father was
watching him carefully and so Loki had no way to choose a faculty closer to
Thor. Even if they had hoped against hope that their fathers wouldn't notice
that they had not only grown closer in time, but they were also growing
restless under their iron grip.
Thor kept saying that at some point the men would have had to stop taking
decisions for them and at that point nothing could stop them from meeting
whenever they wanted. Loki thought he was a dreamer, and told him so multiples
times, but still everytime Thor would say something like this, it gave him a
touch of hope for more happiness in his life, he couldn't avoid smiling at his
messages.
He had tried to bury deep down the feelings he had for the boy - now a young
man - but there was no way to lie to himself and he was fully aware that for
how much he could try there was no way for him to forget how he had felt in his
arms, how those had been the best hours of his life. Still he never told Thor
and Thor in time had stopped referencing to their kisses, at least openly.
Every expectation Loki had for his future had crumbled down when he went back
home after his graduation, sitting in his father's office and listening to the
man talk about how he was going to start working in their company right away.
As a legal. Loki kept quiet as Laufey explained without even looking at him but
shuffling around documents he had to sign. The man kept working while telling
him that now that he had his degree, they could tell the public that Loki had
decided he wasn't cut for staying at the head of the company one day and how
they would tell the media that they were looking for someone else instead of
him to lead the business in the future. Laufey looked up only when he was done
with his speech, finally looking at Loki. At that point, Loki couldn't hold it
anymore and blurted out a loud "what!?"
"Are you telling me- are you telling me that I spent the last seven years of my
life, give or take, making sure I could be the man you wanted me to be so I
could be the head of your company as you wished me to be- and now you're taking
it all away from me!? Why? What did I do to deserve this? I've always done what
you said, I was top of my class, I was the perfect son-"
"You're an omega." Laufey cut him off with a sneer, looking almost sick at him
as if he couldn't believe Loki had made him say so out loud. "I told you ages
ago that no omega could be the head of our company. I wonder how you could have
forgotten that."
"I didn't!" Loki almost shouted, sitting up just one hair's breadth away from
jumping up.
There are times when the truth is the worst possible thing you can come out
with, and that was why hearing his father say what Loki was as if it was
something disgusting made him feel as if the man had just stabbed him in the
heart. "I backed up the lie that I was an alpha for years, I am fully prepared
to keep that up, you know that!"
"I know and I'm grateful to you for not telling the world that my only son is
an omega, but still I need an alpha- a real alpha to take the company after
me." He tried to concede, even if he was growing irritated by the minute.
"You're obviously going to keep up the lie - we don't want the media on our
case - and you'll be working for the company too. Just not as the head."
Loki kept quiet for a long moment, watching with a mounting white fury the man
who had raised him to lie to the world even if that meant ruining his own life
and any chance he could ever have at being happy and have a fulfilling
relationship, the man who had asked him to lie about himself till being an
alpha to the world had become his second skin, till he had even stopped
daydreaming about having more than a friendship till the day of his death -
surely a lonely one, he imagined - just so he could at least be the head of
their company. And now the man had finally showed his true colors and admitted
that he had never been even in the equation, he was never meant to do it.
"All those lies, all those years faking being someone I wasn't - it was all for
nothing." He murmured slowly.
"Not for nothing, to uphold the honour of our name." Laufey raised his chin.
His eyes bulged out though when Loki burst out laughing.
"I won't work for you, not in a million years." Loki said with a clipped tone
that somehow managed to dissimulate the roar of pride that swelled in his chest
as he stood up to his father, watching him for another moment before turning
his back at him and walk away from the office and the whole building. He didn't
stop to say a word to anyone, he didn't stop for his father's screaming, he
didn't stop to take off his badge, and walked straight to his house to start
packing all his belongings.
He was throwing all his clothes in his suitcase when suddenly a thought hit him
and he paused, mulling over it for a few seconds before grabbing his phone to
call Thor.
"Hei, Loki, bro, how did it go?"
Thor's happy voice made Loki close his eyes and for the briefest moment he was
able to pretend that everything was alright. He cleared his throat, hoping he
wasn't just about to ruin the friendship between them calling for a favor he
had refused for a long time.
"Not very well." He admitted. "Is the offer to host me if I were to come to New
York still standing?"
"Yes!" Thor answered without even having to think about it and Loki inhaled
deeply, feeling rather better already.
"Thanks, Thor."
"You know it's not a problem, brother. I've been nagging you for centuries to
come here." He laughed softly. "When are you arriving?"
"As soon as I'll find a flight." He puffed a smile, resuming the packing of his
belongings.
"Can't wait for you to be here."
Loki smiled at hearing the happiness clear in the other's voice. "Yeah, me too,
brother."
When he arrived at the airport Thor was there, dressed rather badly by Loki's
standards and by what he expected the rich heir of an empire to wear.
"What is that?" He asked with a grimace at the collection of tank top and jeans
jacket thrown over a pair of bermuda.
Thor ignored him completely, enveloping him in a bear hug. "You're here!"
"Of course I'm here, I told you I was taking this flight..." He wheezed, barely
trying to pretend he was unhappy as he finally felt years of pent up stress
melt away now that he was back in his oldest friend's arms. He couldn't avoid
smiling though, especially when he was able to watch Thor's smile, so open and
real and exactly how it was the last time he had seen it in person what seemed
to be ages ago.
"You look like the whole world came crashing down on you." Thor said holding
him by his shoulders at arm’s lenght as he looked intently at his face.
"Always the flatterer." Loki rolled his eyes, this time sincerely annoyed.
"Worry not, brother. I'll take you to my house so you can leave your suitcase
there and then I'll take you sightseeing the city. And we'll go out to drink
something. We should celebrate meeting again after all this time."
"I- I'm not really sure I'm in the mood for celebrating." He had to admit,
sighing.
But Thor was unrelenting and refused to let him go. He barely took one suitcase
off his hand and slung his arm around Loki's shoulders, starting for the exit
while dragging the other man with him.
"It's okay, we can drink at my house if you don't want to go out. As soon as
you spill it out you'll feel better, just wait."
"I doubt just talking can make things better." Loki shrugged a bit, half
heartedly pretending he wanted Thor to take his arm off of him, but silently
enjoying having the effusive boy around. "It's strange to see you now that
years are gone since the last time." He admitted when Thor let him in his own
car.
"Yeah, I know what you mean, but mom says better late than never and she's
totally right. I'm so hyped!" He added with a huge smile as he drove away from
the airport, Loki sitting by his side. "It's gonna be great having you around.
How long can you stay before you have to go back?"
"I'm not going back." Loki murmured, gently squeezing his own knees under his
suddenly sweaty hands. It was the first time he said so aloud and it was deeply
terrifying. "I'm not going back home anymore. It seems that there is nothing
for me there, or at least nothing that I couldn't find anywhere else."
"What happened?" Thor asked seriously, glancing at him at the first red light.
"My father had never really wanted to put me in charge of his business, not
since he found out about my nature." He grimaced, staring straight in front of
him, a bit sick at the fear that Thor would reject him too now that he knew
Loki would never have the kind of money Thor was still swimming into. Or that
he would say something along the line that he should have expected so.
But any anxiety melt away when Thor slammed one hand against the wheel,
shouting a swear.
"I knew I didn't like that man! I know he's your father, but- I want to find
him and just punch his face." He growled.
Loki watched him, half surprised and half relieved, and cracked a smile. "I
wouldn't actually stop you right now."
"Are you telling me that I can? Because I'm turning back around and taking the
first flight to Alaska and-"
"I don't need you punching his face." Loki shook his head, putting one hand
over Thor's arm. "I only need to know that I- that we're still the same." He
admitted.
"Of course we are..." Thor murmured, turning to look at him with an almost
wounded look, as if it hurt him to know that Loki could have even just thought
about Thor not wanting him anymore. "You're my little bro, Loki. You know I
love you." He murmured, moving one hand to cover Loki's.
He had no idea how those words managed to make his heart beat harder and faster
in his chest. Loki looked at Thor's hand covering his and gently stroked it
with his thumb.
"You have no idea what this means to me." He murmured.
"I think I do." Was the whisper he heard in answer, but when Loki lifted his
gaze Thor was looking at the street straight ahead and for a moment he wasn't
even sure if the man had really spoken those words.
"Again, how long are you staying? Will you come live in New York?"
"I don't know." He admitted. "I have no place here, or connection, beside you
that is. There is a professor of mine that told me to give him a call if I ever
wanted to work in England, though. It's far away, but-"
"Why don't you stay here?" Thor cut him off, turning to look at him again as he
softly squeezed Loki's hand under his. "You could stay with me. And I know that
maybe you would prefer to find something to do somewhere else in this city but
I bet dad would be happy to hire someone who graduated with your grades." He
nodded, full of hope that Loki would at least think about it.
Loki felt a little smile tug at the corner of his lips and after a moment he
answered with a slight nod of his head. "I'll think about it. Maybe in a couple
days, I better not take more important decisions for now. I'd say it's quite
enough for the lasts forty-eight hours." He tried to joke, basking in the sound
of Thor's laughter and the chance to hear it finally again in person.
As much as Loki didn't want to admit it out loud, he had wished and dreamed for
years that when they would have been able to meet again, Thor would have kissed
him like the first night, like the afternoon they had spent in the boy's bed
before Loki had to run away. The young man though wasn't really sure that his
attentions would have been welcomed after all that time and after all the times
Loki had repeatedly said that at least he had their friendship. Thor was well
aware that Loki clung so hard to their friendship because there was no way he
could have a romantic relationship with anyone while lying about his nature,
but still neither of them had hinted at what had happened years before and Thor
wasn't sure that Loki wouldn’t have preferred to forget about it entirely and
ended up trying to pretend that he was as okay as he was.
Unbeknownst to him, Loki was silently suffering for how Thor seemed to not be
interested in resuming what had admittedly been started a long time ago, even
if he was fully aware that it was probably his continuous talk about not
needing a relationship to smother any desire his friend could have held for him
at that time. Still he tried to suppress it all and push it down as they spent
a long afternoon in Thor's new apartment, talking about what had happened in
Alaska and how Loki had finally managed to tell his father off after years
suffering under his iron grip.
Thor managed to make him smile saying that he for one was proud of him for
standing up for himself. It would have been perfect to Loki if only the man had
leaned in to kiss him like he had dreamed of for years in the darkness of his
room, but Thor only smiled and squeezed his hand softly.
After hours like that, instead of feeling relaxed, Loki felt terribly tense
when they went to bed, each one in their room since Thor had arranged the guest
room for him. He couldn't sleep and so he kept rolling in bed, wrapping himself
in the bed sheets as he was filled with the dread that everything he had always
dreamed of could be lost forever. In the end, he couldn't resist it anymore and
suddenly sat up in bed before almost ripping the sheets away from his body to
get out of bed and paddle to Thor's room.
He hesitated only for a moment on his doorstep, wondering if Thor was awake,
but when the man lifted his head from the pillow to look at him he grabbed all
his courage and entered the room. Thor didn't seem to mind and even moved his
bedsheets to let Loki slide right under them and into his arms.
For Loki, to be in his arms again, inside his bed, was like being finally able
to take a deep breath of air.
"Thor..." He whispered, closing his eyes as the man’s lips found him and
suddenly the man was pulling him tight against his chest, his tongue making his
way into Loki's mouth as if they had never stopped doing that.
Loki clung to his muscular shoulders, keeping his friend against his chest and
he intertwined their legs. Thor moaned softly in the kiss, pressing his
hardening cock against Loki's thigh. Loki suddenly felt more alive than he had
felt for years, able to live the fantasy he had cultivated in the secret of his
bed, and hoped that it was only the start of something bigger than a one night
stand for relieving each other of some pent up sexual frustration between them.
"I missed you..." Thor whispered in the darkness, his lips moving mere inches
away from Loki's.
"I missed you too..." Loki answered, his voice low as he carded his fingers in
those waved blonde hair that he had come to love.
Thor kissed him again and slowly they started rocking their hips, rutting
against each other in search for some satisfaction. Things had changed since
they were teenagers but they had still remained quite the same. Loki in
particular, since he had never had a chance to explore sex with others. Thor
was well aware of it and he didn't wanted to rush things, but was unable to
hold back too much as the man's scent drove him crazy.
"You always smell so good to me..." He murmured, moving his lips away from his
mouth to graze the skin of his neck.
Loki lifted his chin with a soft sound coming directly from his throat,
suddenly everything in him hoping that Thor would bite down, that against
everything Loki had always told him - his not being ready or interested in a
relationship and even less in bonding - the man would mark him as his for the
whole world to see. But Thor limited himself at kissing his neck and that was
more than Loki could have asked. Suddenly he had the fastest hard on he had had
in years and could clearly feel Thor in the same situation against his leg.
Without a word, they started undressing each other, taking advantage of any
clothe they shed to kiss and caress every inch of naked skin. When Thor managed
to throw Loki's underwear over the mattress’s edge, they were finally
completely naked and they took a moment to look at each other in the light that
came from the window. Thor was way more muscular than Loki himself, his body
hairless but for his crotch where there was a little cloud of blonde hair, even
if Loki's focus was captured by the hard cock that was currently slowly rutting
against his thigh.
"Fuck..." He murmured after a moment, almost breathless at seeing how the alpha
seemed perfect. Just what he had always dreamed of and kind of even better.
He had always known to be average sized but he had never took the time to think
about what people said about some alphas just being "bigger".
Suddenly he felt a rush of heat hit him and being way older and experienced he
knew that it had nothing to do with his real heat but just his omega hormones
screaming at him that they should have made sure to have that alpha, possibly
then and there.
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to." Thor's voice brought him back
to reality and after a moment Loki shook his head, moving his hand between them
to wrap it around Thor's cock and start masturbating him.
"I want this, Thor." He murmured, his voice more steady than he would have
expected.
Thor moaned and mirrored him, staying up with just one elbow on the bed near
Loki's shoulder as he wrapped his free hand around Loki's dick.
It was Loki's turn to moan and soon Thor's mouth was covering his as they both
touched and pleasured each other.
They barely remembered that they shouldn't have had penetrative sex, lost as
they were in pleasure.
"I thought of you a lot during these years..." Thor croaked against his lips
when they broke apart.
Loki only wanted to ask him then why he hadn't just kissed him right as they
had met each other again at the airport, but he was afraid to sound too whiny,
too clingy, and so he swallowed it all down.
"Me too, Thor..." He admitted, pressing one hand to his chest to switch their
positions.
Thor went willingly, lying on his back and pulling Loki on top of himself with
half a smile.
"Yeah? And what you thought about?" He asked with a playful tone.
"Oh, shut up..." Loki chuckled softly, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks as
he decided that there was no way he was going to really tell him about his
fantasies. He leaned in to kiss the muscular chest of the young man and
suddenly he couldn't stop anymore.
Thor moaned softly and ran his fingers in Loki's long hair, caressing the nape
of his neck as Loki kept showering his chest with kisses and little bites,
dwelling for a bit on his nipples to study them and Thor's reactions, to see if
the alpha was as sensible in that area as he himself was. Thor moaned but it
didn't seem to be too earth shattering to him and Loki made a mental note about
it before deciding to proceed further below, kissing his abdomen. He paused
when confronted with the big hard on that was making little movements on Thor's
stomach, already leaking a little drop of precum.
Loki swallowed down for a moment before throwing a glance at the man he had
secretly loved for years. Thor was watching him closely, almost breathless at
seeing Loki so close to his erection right as he had dreamed countless times.
"You don't have to do if you don't want to..." He croaked, forcing himself to
keep still.
But Loki lowered his gaze on his erection and without further ado he leaned in
to lick at the salty skin. Thor moaned at that, a deep rough sound that made
Loki grow terribly excited. He pressed his thighs against one another, hoping
Thor couldn't smell the scent of his lubrication, his body convinced he was
finally ready to have sex with an alpha and readying itself for it. He was
aroused and proud of being able to make the man moan like that. Taking all his
courage in his hands Loki gently took that hard on in his hand and started
licking it with more confidence, until he felt ready to wrap his mouth around
the head of the cock and try sucking at it.
He had never done anything of that sort before but he had often dreamed of
being able to, during long nights as he was able to think of Thor as he could
never admit to anyone in the world of wanting to. He would have liked to appear
more experienced that he in fact was, but Thor was well aware that he had never
had a partner before. Nonetheless Thor moaned, enjoying his touch and
everything he was doing with his mouth, and those sounds went directly to
Loki's crotch, making him impossibly hard and wet.
When he tried to move down his erection and take more of it in his mouth Thor
suddenly tightly gripped his hair, lost in pleasure. The grip and the tug made
Loki groan around the cock he had in his mouth. He had to let it slip out of
his mouth, too breathless to continue, but kept stroking him.
"You should hear yourself, Thor..." He groaned.
Thor watched him from under heavy lidded eyes and suddenly the man was tugging
at him, leading Loki into covering him with his own body so that he could kiss
the younger man on his lips. Loki moaned at feeling the man take that lead in
that way and let him do whatever he wanted, not thinking much about the way
Thor made him spread his legs so that he would straddle his hips and making
their cocks press against each other trapped between their stomachs.
"I want to hear you." Was Thor's response when they finally broke apart.
Loki finally noticed their position but he couldn't help himself but trust
Thor. The man didn't try to lead him on his cock to penetrate him but merely
made him move over his body. Loki found himself moving under his lead as if he
had been moving on Thor's cock, riding him, but he was instead merely pressing
their cocks together and giving pleasure to both of them that way. He was about
to ask Thor why wouldn't he roll and be the one on top when one of the man's
hands moved away from his hip, travelling behind him to reach his ass. When
Thor squeezed one of his asscheeks Loki couldn't help but groan out loud, too
excited for words at feeling the alpha touch him so possessively, almost
claiming him even though they were not going to bond.
"Thor..." He almost whimpered when the hand moved again. He was left breathless
when two of the man's fingers found his opening and they started to slowly
circle it from the outside. He moaned, his whole body tensing up as he
desperately wished for that moment not to end, for Thor to keep touching him
that way and give him pleasure as he had always dreamed him to.
Thor kissed his chin and Loki noticed just then that he had stilled on top of
him. He wasn't really sure he could have managed to resume moving as those
fingers were dragging away all his focus, but Thor didn't seem to mind it too
much.
Loki was already on the verge of his pleasure when Thor ever so slowly pushed
one finger in him. The young man moaned aloud, instinctively spreading his legs
more to give the alpha better access, and he threw back his head as Thor
started to move the finger in him the same way he would have just loved to bury
his cock in him. They had both dreamed of that for long years and suddenly they
were able to do something so close to it and yet just not enough. But Loki
couldn't complain, he couldn't even form a single thought as Thor managed to
make him feel more alive than he had felt in years.
His breath came out in short puffs as he moaned and absentmindedly rutted
against the muscular body under him, until Thor's finger grazed his prostate
and suddenly the world went white for him in a wave of pleasure.
He didn't even notice the scream that was ripped from his throat as he tensed
up and shot his cum between the two of them, his back arched in pleasure as
Thor kept stimulating that spot with a hoarse moan.
He collapsed on top of the man, breathless, and with his eyes closed. It took
him almost half a minute to notice Thor's free hand gently massaging his head
as the man kissed his temple softly. But he couldn't help but noticing right
after that that Thor still had his finger in him, even if he wasn't moving it.
Thor awaited for him to be conscious to start fingering him again, making him
moan.
"Thor..." He whined softly, rutting against his hard body and making the man
moan in turn, as he slid his cock against Thor's.
Thor started pressing against his opening with a second finger and Loki moaned
loudly as Thor pushed that inside him as well, starting to fuck him with both
of them, driving him crazy at being opened and stretched by those fingers that
were quite larger than Loki's own.
"Tell me I'm the first." Thor whispered, lips pressed against his ear.
Loki felt a shiver travel through his body and nodded, pressing his face
against the other's neck. "Yes, you are..." He murmured, getting wetter by the
minute between the stimulation and the possessive tone that accompanied those
words.
"I've never seen someone more beautiful than you..." Thor sighed softly,
pressing his fingers against his prostate to make him buckle again and again.
Loki felt himself blush because of those words but instead of even trying to
find an answer he found himself baring his neck for Thor, his whole body aflame
with the desire to be marked by the alpha.
Thor made a soft sound at that sight and he licked his lips, but instead of
sinking his teeth in that pale neck he limited himself at kissing Loki again,
slipping his fingers out of his body to be able to roll on the bed and bring
Loki under him so to be the one moving on top. Loki moaned, a bit frustrated at
the loss of his fingers, but instinctively he spread his legs for the man, his
eyes fluttering closed as Thor started to move over him, rubbing their cocks
against each other. Suddenly, Thor fell on the bed, using one elbow to keep his
weight off Loki as he wrapped one hand around both their hard ons and started
to furiously pump both of them.
"Why didn't you kiss me right away?" Loki managed to ask between kisses. He
didn't want it to came out as a whine or as if he had been mulling over it for
too long but it was difficult to tell if he had managed it with the way Thor
was driving him crazy and how long he had in fact mulled over Thor's lack of
action during the afternoon.
Thor pressed his forehead against Loki's with a short sigh. "I wasn't sure you
would have welcomed it like you did when we were kids." He admitted.
Loki rolled his eyes at that answer. "I probably shouldn't have since you're so
dense."
But Thor laughed at that and leaned in to kiss him again on the lips, making
him forget even that he had even asked a question in the first place.
Thor kept jerking them off till he suddenly stilled, tensing up over Loki as he
shot his cum across the younger man's torso with a shout, marking him and
filling his nostrils with his strong scent. That alone managed to drive Loki
over the edge a second time and he moaned loudly as his cum mixed with the
alpha's.
They lay together that night, Thor keeping him in his arms as he had done what
seemed to be ages before, slowly stroking his hair till he fell asleep,
followed by Loki as soon as he managed to suffocate the little voice that kept
reminding him that he couldn't have a romantic relationship if he wasn't ready
to tell the world about his biggest lie.
Loki took a week to think about it before following Thor's advice and taking
his resumé to Odin's society. As a matter of fact he had been almost sure of it
since his second day in New York, when he had had the chance to wake up for the
second time in his life in Thor's arms, enough to convince him to stay there
instead of looking for fortune on the other side of the ocean.
Odin received him personally only by Thor's request, not really trusting the
son of his opponent to work for them without spying on him on behalf of Laufey.
When Loki said that he wanted nothing to do with his father's company Odin
arched one eyebrow, still not really believing him.
In the end, he caved in under Thor's incessant requests and, even if he kept
watching Loki with suspicion, he gave him a job in the legal department.
With a new job and a new big city to live in, it took Loki a couple month to
feel stable enough on his own legs to start thinking about finding some place
where he could live on his own. It wasn't that he didn't like sharing Thor's
apartment, but maybe the problem was that he liked it too much. Thor had
apparently learned to cook enough not to starve and make breakfast or light
lunches when he wasn't in the mood to order take out or just go eat in a
restaurant. Loki had never really needed to learn the skill but he found it
pleasurable having Thor around dishing out sausages and eggs in the morning. Or
having the man tackle him on the couch because he wanted to cuddle in front of
the TV. Or sharing Thor's bed at night, touching the man as he had always
wanted to but never admitted out loud to anyone else, not even Thor himself,
falling asleep in his arms and basking in those precious firsts seconds at
morning when he would forget that that wasn't a life that he could ever have.
As much as he would have loved nothing more than to spend the rest of his life
that way, he was well aware that Thor had reached the age when he was supposed
to find a good omega and settle down. When that moment would have arrived there
wasn't going to be space for Loki in his life anymore and Loki simply didn't
want to have to listen to Thor try to explain him why he had to clear the
apartment of his things, why they couldn't kiss anymore. He didn't want Thor to
think that maybe Loki did want something more out of his life than a friendship
and a fulfilling career. More than anything else he wanted to avoid Thor asking
him if he was sure about not wanting to have a relationship with him, since
Loki most definitely wanted to, but there was no way he was going to tell the
world he had been lying for the past seven years, no way he could deal with
that kind of shame.
It was clear that Thor wasn't happy when Loki finally told him that he had been
looking around for a place to live alone, but Loki fed him those lies about
wanting to prove to himself that he could manage on his own. In the end, Thor
nodded, even if sadly, kissing him on the lips as he tried to convince Loki
that he could always go back at living with him if he ever wanted to. Loki
would have loved that very much, but he merely nodded and kissed him back,
pretending to be absolutely thrilled by the prospective of leaving to go live
by himself, having his own personal space.
Thor finally relented and Loki moved out, even if Thor made him keep the spare
key in case he wanted to come back, or go spend the night with him.
Loki swallowed down a lump in his throat at seeing Thor so willing to keep up
what they had just managed to have, and kept the key, promising his friend to
keep spending time together.
He would have loved to spend with Thor as much time as before, but slowly and
steadily things started to change: he had to learn how to survive using food,
he had to go and do actual grocery shopping, he had to cut into his free time
to clean up the space and prevent the place from becoming a real mess.
In one week, the apartment he was renting seemed inhabited by a spoiled child
who kept opening a book and then leaving it where it was, adding another one on
top of it and then another one, leaving a jacket on the couch only to find it
on the bed the next day and spending ten minutes on the third to find out where
exactly he had left it the previous night. Suddenly Loki found out that he had
to devolve more time at housekeeping, if he wanted to have a livable space and
so the free time in the weekend to spend with Thor was cut short even more.
Loki was finding out that living alone as an adult was difficult and suddenly
wondered how long it had taken Thor to manage it, once he had moved out of his
parents’ house.
Luckily for him, Thor still seemed decided to spend as much time as possible
with Loki and the man would pass by his office every day over lunch break to
take him out of there for their free half hours. Some days, that was all the
time Loki could manage to spend with him and those were the toughest days as he
almost ached for his friend's company, resorting to texting him when they were
both home but otherwise occupied. Some days, when he had nothing to do at home
- or things that could be postponed without some sort of sentient life form
conquering his fridge from the inside out - or just needed to spend time with
Thor too much, he would accept his friend's request to have a nice evening by
themselves. Sometimes Loki would spend the night at Thor's apartment, kissing
him and rutting against his firm body as Thor gave him orgasm after orgasm till
they lay breathless and covered in sweat in a tangle of sheets and legs, both
happy and satisfied.
One night, a couple weeks after Loki had moved in his own apartment, Thor
invited him to tag along as he met with his friends. Loki wasn't really sure,
not having ever particularly loved them from what Thor had said about them as
they were texting over the years, but in the end he accepted. With the hope
that they had grown up since the days of the pranks they had done with Thor
when they were all boys.
Apparently his dislike was reciprocated and after barely half an hour it was
clear that the three warriors of New York, like they loved to call themselves,
thought him to be a stuck up snob, whereas he thought of them as childish brats
in the bodies of adults. Sif wasn't that bad, in comparison, but Loki had the
nagging feeling that there had been some sort of fling between her and Thor.
Even if Thor had never said anything on the matter. And probably that was what
gave Loki more pause on the whole affair, since he had always thought the man
was telling him everything and suddenly he was facing the chance that maybe it
wasn't like that, that maybe Thor had never confided everything to him, that
maybe he wasn't even the person he trusted more than any other. Maybe he wasn't
that special to Thor at the end of the day. He vaguely knew he was probably
exaggerating with his reaction but he couldn't help but feel a bout of jealousy
at the thought of Thor and Sif together, him so beautiful and perfect and her
just able to do whatever she wanted because she had managed to make people
think highly of her. While he was just living off his name and his family's
money and hiding his nature to everyone else, even when that lie was what was
jeopardizing his very chance at happiness with the man he loved. At the same
time he knew that he had no right to be jealous of the other man as they had
never been a couple and would have never gotten in a romantic relationship and
it wasn't that unusual for friends not to tell each other every single thing
that happened in their lives, even if he had always thought of the two of them
to be that kind.
But Thor knew him better than anyone else in the world and there was no way to
hide his dark thoughts to him while they walked home at the end of the night
out, shoulders brushing against one another.
“Are you jealous, Loki?” Thor had half a smile on his lips, an almost hopeful
look in his eyes that Loki should have recognized for the playfulness, but
suddenly he felt as if Thor had found his weak spot and had tried to stab him
right there.
"Of what? Of you?" He asked, as if the mere thought was simply ridiculous,
scoffing at the idea.
He simply didn't want Thor to see right through his shell and see that yes, he
had caught the truth and Loki was sickly jealous of him, of his attentions and
the attentions that he had probably given someone else during a time when they
had been miles away.
Thor kept quiet at that answer though, the pain so sharp at having the man he
loved treat the mere thought of being jealous of him as the butt of a joke that
he felt his face fall as he tried to turn his gaze away from the friend that
repeatedly said wasn't interested in a relationship with him even though he
kept coming back to him time after time. After all the times Loki had said that
there was never going to be anything between the two of them, he knew he should
have probably stopped hoping against hope that the way Loki looked for his
kisses, for his touch, meant that there was something more under the surface.
But he suddenly felt sad and a touch stupid for trying to make his friend say
he had been jealous after he had met his good friend Sif.
Seeing Thor's expression shift that way made Loki feel like shit though. He
didn't want to ruin the man's night by making him believe he didn't meant
anything to Loki.
"I'm sorry. Maybe a bit." He murmured, his stomach twisted, and after a moment
he grabbed Thor's hand even if they were still out in the street, squeezing it
softly. And if the thought of someone who could recognize both of them was
still awake in a part of his mind, the street was deserted and it was worth it
if only for the relieved smile that that little gesture brought to Thor's lips.
***** Where the hero fights for what he wants *****
Chapter Notes
     Still written for the CowT of LDF and proofread by Yuppu.
     There are three references inside the text: “Deny my father and
     refuse my name, or be but sworn your love, marry you in secret and
     then after a week kill myself in a tomb?” it's a clear reference to
     Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet; “Night City” and “gone, with nothing
     left of you but some vague memory” are from Neuromancer by William
     Gibson; “For how could you establish even the most obvious fact when
     there existed no record outside your own memory?” is from Orwell's
     1984.
     I'm sorry if I hadn't had the time to answer the comments, it's been
     some busy weeks, but you all make my day with your words and kudos.
     <3
Thor had known for a long time that the moment when his father would have asked
him to take over the company was coming, but still he was taken by surprise
when Odin called him to his office and said that the moment had arrived. But
the man didn't want Thor to just take a seat in the president's office and at
the head of the board, he wanted Thor to show him and the world that he was
ready for responsibilities and was able to take care of what he was about to
entrust to his hand. Thor was ready to move mountains for him, he wanted to
show his father that he could have taken care of the family business like his
parents had always expected him to do. He wasn't ready though for what Odin
asked him to do to prove it.
"What do you mean I have to marry?" He asked after a moment of silence,
dumbfounded.
"I mean that I want you to get your act together and settle down. The company
needs someone who could act thinking about the future, and what best way to do
it than to start thinking about the generation that has to come? You have
plenty of admirers in the high circles, I've seen it. I'm sure you can find a
good omega and settle down, start a family." The man chuckled. "I must say,
your mother is starting to talk about having grandchildren running around the
place. I supported you when you decided to get your own apartment, since I
wanted you to know how to manage living alone, but I expect you to come back
home when you're married. God knows that palace is too big for just me and your
mother." He nodded, seemingly unaware of his son's discomfort. "What's the name
of that pretty girl you always hang out with? Sif? Why don't you start by
taking her over to dinner one of this nights?"
Thor shook his head, finding his voice once again. "Sif and I are not dating,
dad."
"Well, not yet. It's about time you start asking her out, don't you think?
You're... what, thirty six? It's time you find a spouse."
But Thor snorted, almost laughing at the thought of him and Sif getting married
just because his father thought it could have been a good idea. Instead of
asking if he even loved her. Suddenly he was hit but another thought and he
felt like a ton of lead had been dropped on his stomach, and he had some
difficulty swallowing the lump in his throat. He was pretty sure that after all
the times he had asked Loki if he was interested in something more and his
friend had said that he wasn't he should have dropped it and stopped thinking
about a chance for the two of them to be together, but with Odin expecting him
to get married if he even wanted the job he had been getting ready for all his
life, he tried to find the courage to ask the other man if he was really sure
about not wanting him. He wasn't going to marry someone while still in love
with his boyfriend, he wasn't going to do something like that to someone, tying
them to him in a loveless marriage just for a job.
"I have to think about it." He croaked, voice suddenly hoarse.
Odin lift one eyebrow, watching him, but slowly nodded. "We'll talk again
tomorrow morning."
Thor nodded, even if filled with anxiety at the short deadline for his answer.
Loki had the feeling that Thor had something in his mind when they met that
night at the man's apartment in Manhattan. Thor shook his head, refusing to
elaborate telling him about his father's request because he didn't want Loki to
accept his proposal just to help him with the pressure the man was putting on
his shoulders. If his best friend was to change his mind and have a serious
relationship with him, Thor wanted it to be because Loki loved him, more than a
brother, more than a friend, definitely more than a friend with benefits. Still
when Loki leaned in to kiss him Thor reached for the warmth and the acceptance
he knew he could find in his friend.
Gently he lead Loki to his room, to the bed they had shared so many times, and
there he laid him under himself, covering the lithe form of Loki with his body,
holding him tightly in his arms as if worried that he would have ran away if he
just had let him go. He took him gently that night, moving slowly and trying to
pour all his love in his kisses and touches. Loki made the most beautiful
sounds Thor had ever heard in bed and he wasn't going to grow tired of them
anytime soon. He would have loved nothing more than to spend by his side the
rest of his life.
They lay together after making love to each other, Loki on his side, his head
propped on Thor's shoulder as he slowly ran his fingers over the muscular chest
of the man.
"Have you ever thought about dropping the lie about... well, being an alpha?"
Thor asked seemingly out of nowhere.
Loki raised one eyebrow, looking at him as if he had suddenly gone crazy.
"I mean, you're an adult now. You could- tell the others that your father made
you do it. Since it's true."
"And throw my family and my name in the mud? What for?" Loki grimaced.
"Well, you don't have to pretend for the sake of your family business anymore,
for one, your father won't go back on his decision now."
"Thanks, that really doesn't take me to dark thoughts." He snorted, flatly.
"I'm sorry, I just want to say that now that you don't depend on him to get a
job, and you have a place where to live and all that... well, you could think
about yourself. Drop the lie, find someone who loves you and maybe get married.
Have a family." He murmured, trying not to look as if he wasn't almost hanging
on the hope that Loki would say he was right.
But Loki merely shrugged. "Life as an alpha is easier. And I'm not cut for
family life anyway." He nodded, repeating what he had told himself constantly
for the past seven years, trying to convince himself then that he could resist
and make it with the life his father had chosen from him then, and to hide how
much he was actually thinking about how good it would have been to have a
relationship with his best friend in that moment. "And anyway I have no
intention to tell the world I lied. And what? Deny my father and refuse my
name, or be but sworn your love, marry you in secret and then after a week kill
myself in a tomb?" He sneered, sitting up in a bout of annoyance. "I'm not the
Romeo type, really. I don't care about love." He said with scorn, hiding under
that tone so as not to show the man how he actually would have wanted nothing
more than marrying him and being the one Thor would have loved for the rest of
his life.
Thor kept quiet, just watching him even if he could almost hear his heart break
over those words and how they dripped with venom towards him for even trying to
ask him to do something like telling the world the truth for once.
"You could at least tell someone else aside from me." He just shrugged one
shoulder in a desperate attempt, hoping against all hope that Loki would at
least tell Odin and manage that way to convince the man to let them have
something. Even if only a paper marriage to quell his desire to see his son
settled.
But Loki went mad at that and ripped the bedsheets away from them to get out
the bed and stalk away. "I have no intention to tell anyone and you have no
right to ask me, who do you think you are?" He said through gritted teeth. "And
that's final, I don't want to hear any more of this." He shouted over his
shoulder on his way to the bathroom, leaving Thor to quietly feel like his
whole world was about to crumble down.
Thor was pretty sure that the conversation he was about to have with his father
wouldn't go well but there wasn't much he could do about it. He had barely
slept all night, keeping a much calmer Loki in his arms and taking a last
chance to run his fingers through the black hair of the man he loved while he
mulled over the fact that he wasn't going to marry him. Or Sif, nor anyone
else, not while still in love with Loki.
Which meant he was about to be left without a job. And it meant also that he
would probably have to put some distance between himself and Loki if he wanted
to manage to forget him and not stay there, bleeding his heart out following
every step of someone who would never reciprocate his feelings. He had left his
own apartment that morning even before Loki had woken up, kissing one of his
temples as he dressed up, taking a chance to slowly walk from home to the
office in the still deserted streets. Loki still had his key after all and even
if his behaviour would have been perceived as strange, he knew there was no way
he could have faced Loki that morning and not shamed himself begging for him to
fake a marriage for Odin's sake. That wasn't what he wanted and so he had
gritted his teeth and went to work with his mind set.
"Do you have an answer for me?" Odin asked as he entered his office and found
Thor waiting for him in front of the window, spacing out while watching the
sight.
"Yeah. Not sure you are going to like it, though." He admitted.
"Mm." Odin nodded, waving at one of the chairs.
But Thor shook his head, staying where he was. "I want to marry an alpha."
"Don't be ridiculous." Was Odin immediate response.
"I'm in love with one." Thor admitted.
Odin got angry at that, his face flushed with rage. "What is this nonsense?
Now, listen up, I know that a lot of people thinks marriages between alphas are
normal and accepted but I need you to find an omega. I don't care for these
feelings that you never mentioned before anyway. You need an omega and a couple
children and that's it."
"We could adopt." Thor huffed, getting angry and frustrated even if he had
started the day already aware that their argument would have gone that way.
"I said no!" Odin shouted, slamming one hand on his desk. "You will marry an
omega and be a proper alpha this family - this whole business deserve!"
"You're a fool if you think I'll marry the first omega I meet just because you
said so!" It was Thor's turn to lose his patience and Odin seemed on the verge
of smacking him.
"Pay attention at what you say, boy! I'm not obliged to keep you here!"
"I know. You don't have to. I'm going away."
A dense silence fell on the room as his words sunk, but one moment more and
Odin started shouting again, words that were meant to hurt but that Thor
decided to ignore as he made his way out of the door, walking in front of an
alarmed secretary and to his own office to take his personal belongings and
leave the building.
It was strange for Loki to wake up in Thor's bed and find the apartment empty.
It was strange, but he thought the man had had to go to work earlier than
usual, or that he was probably pissed off at him for the previous night's
words. He couldn't really blame him, he could recognize that he would have
probably bitch slapped anyone who dared talk to him the way he had talked to
Thor. Yet when Thor didn't show up for lunch for the first time since Loki had
started working in the same company he grew annoyed with the man. He called him
but even if the phone rang there was no answer. In the end he went to eat
alone, trying to call him again, his annoyance growing along with his worry. It
wasn't like him, it was downright strange for Thor to act that way, to avoid
him out of spite.
The afternoon passed slowly and even if Loki kept throwing glances at his cell
phone, waiting to see if Thor would call him back or send him a text, he would
have denied it, at the same time shrugging it off as a normal behaviour between
friends.
He thought that if Thor wanted to hear from him, he still knew the number. He
wasn't that worried that he would have kept calling him again and again. Except
that after getting out of work he tried once again and even that time Thor
didn't pick up his phone. There was no leaving a voicemail since he knew Thor
rarely checked that out. Instead of going back to his own apartment Loki went
to Thor's, using his spare key to let himself in. He tried to convince himself
that there was no need to call the hospitals and check if he had been admitted
in there somewhere. Maybe Thor had just felt a bit sick and had gone back home.
Or he had lost his phone. The plan was to see if he was already back home and
he case he wasn't just wait for him in there.
Instead Loki found the apartment deserted, the windows he was sure he had left
open now closed, Thor's favorite jacket no more hanging beside the door. A slow
tour of the apartment managed to dissipate his anger and renew the worry as he
found Thor had cleaned up the fridge from any perishable food as if he expected
to not be back for quite some time. The closet in his bedroom was half empty,
only his best clothes left as Thor had apparently filled his suitcase with his
much preferred casual clothes. Suddenly Loki had to take a deep breath as he
was hit by a wave of pure panic. He had no idea what had happened that morning
but apparently Thor had gone back home, not a single text to him, no intention
to answer his phone - and he could now see that that was absolutely intentional
- and apparently his mind set into leaving his own house to go God knew where.
He tried for his phone once again, growing frustrated at every ring not
answered, and almost screamed in frustration when the call was disconnected. He
started pacing the house, looking for clues that could tell him where Thor had
gone, when he was coming back, if he had gone for some vacation with maybe one
of his friends, maybe with Sif. He was one hair's breadth to check on the phone
book for Sif's number when he stopped dead in his tracks at finally noticing
the little envelope sitting in the middle of the coffee table. Slowly, with the
unfounded and yet paralyzing fear to find a suicide note, he picked up the
envelope to read the note inside.
It was addressed at him, a simple "to Loki" in the back of the envelope, as if
Thor had known that the only one who could have gone to his house to check on
him would be Loki. Inside there were only three words, written in Thor's
handwriting, and Loki burst into tears, sitting down heavily on the couch as he
reread again and again the "I love you" that Thor had left for him to be found.
Years dreaming to hear the boy and then the man actually say those words at him
and when his friend had decided to let him know of his feelings it had to be in
the most ominous way possible. There was no way for him to know what had made
Thor decide to go away, or where he had gone, how long he would stay away, but
those words ringed in his head as a goodbye and there was no way for Loki to
survive that blow, the knowledge that no amount of missed calls would probably
be answered, that Thor probably didn't want to see him ever again and that was
the reason he had finally told him those words.
He had to wait till the tears stopped falling to manage to think clearly, and
by that time he was lying on his side on Thor's couch, the little note held
tight to his chest. When he managed to start thinking again he reached for the
small notebook that Thor kept stashed in a drawer under the TV and from there
he managed to fish out Frigga's number, Thor's mother. If there was someone who
would probably know where the man was it was her. Or at least he ought to
inform the woman of her son's disappearance.
When Frigga answered to the information with a soft "I know", Loki felt a chill
run through his body.
"Is he alright?" He asked in a pinched voice, too worried to even feel ashamed
about it.
"He resigned today. This morning, to be precise." The woman said with a sigh.
"He said he would leave the city for a while, he left no address though."
Loki covered his mouth with one trembling hand, relieved at knowing he was not
gone from the face of Earth without a word to anybody, and yet terrified that
it still meant Thor would have never gone back.
"But he- he said Odin was talking about making him the new president. What
changed? Why did he resign?" He knew he was probably asking too much,
especially since that was the first time he and the woman had ever talked, but
he needed to know.
The previous week Thor had said that Odin felt he was finally ready and
suddenly - much as it had happened to Loki himself - any position at the head
of the company had gone up in flames and the man had left the city right as
Loki had done months before, leaving his father's company.
"I don't know more about it..." He could almost hear the woman shake her head,
her tone saddened, and he cleared his throat, trying to swallow down the lump
in his throat.
"No, I'm sorry, I hope I didn't bother you-"
"It's of no consequence, Thor spoke frequently of you, I know you are his good
friend, it's only normal for you to be worried about him."
Loki fell silent at her words, wondering what he could have said about him even
if in that moment it didn't seem to matter anymore.
"Thanks, madam." He murmured, before hanging the phone.
There was no starting point aside for maybe finding out what exactly had
happened that morning. He kept mulling about what Frigga had said, trying to
find some clue, till her words about Thor wanting to leave the city made
something old and almost forgotten ring in his mind. It had been years, ages
ago, but he could remember at least vaguely Thor saying that he was never going
to leave New York. Had the boy he knew changed so much during those years or
did he lie to his own mother so that they would look for him far from home,
ignoring the fact that he was still there?
Loki spent the night in Thor's apartment, hoping he would go back home, but in
the morning he had to drag himself to work even if his friend had not come back
yet, trying to suppress the fear that he would have never seen him ever again.
He was prepared to drop his things to his office and then take the lift to the
last floor to go demand Odin to look for his own son, to find Thor before the
man would get too far.
Upon arrival though he found the whole building buzzing with gossip about what
had happened the previous morning in the president's office between the big man
himself and Thor.
He didn't even have to try hard to find out what had happened to make Thor run
away, not since every secretary was telling the story of how they had raised
their voices, talking about Thor needing to get his act together, and how Thor
had screamed to his father the man was a fool. Odin didn't even want people to
say Thor's name and even if he seemed shaken up by what had happened, he was
still set on not hiring back his boy, finding instead someone else to take his
place in time.
Hearing that Odin had no intention to find Thor, wherever he might have ended
up, made Loki feel sick and tired. He just went through the motions that day,
glancing alternatively between the clock and his cell phone, hoping Thor would
finally call him back, or text, till he grabbed it and threw it inside a drawer
so as to stop looking at it. At the end of the day he walked back home feeling
numb and empty. The days seemed to repeat, slowly, the same as the previous
ones, filled with the anxiety of having lost his best friend, the fear of being
truly alone for the first time in a long while in that city where he knew
almost no one else. He felt stuck in a loop, no one to hang out with, no one to
talk to on the phone, no one to spend his lunch break with. Every day went by
with work, a lonely lunch, more work, a walk to his apartment, an evening alone
in his flat where he would watch TV or read a book, surfing the web searching
for news on Thor. He thought someone would see him somewhere and report it. The
gossip had always followed him and Loki hoped that it would finally turn
useful, telling him where to find his best friend. But still no news of him, no
one had seen the heir of Odin's empire.
In time he stopped looking at his phone since the weeks passed with no answer
from Thor, and yet the feeling of numbness stayed on him, clouding his mind and
making him feel as nothing really mattered much, as if nothing could really
make him happy anymore.
Before he knew it, two months had passed since Thor's disappearance and by that
point Loki felt like the shadow of the man he was when he had first arrived in
New York. The sadness hadn't really passed, but there was anger in him too,
anger and jealousy for being left behind, for Thor apparently not needing him
to go on with his life.
Yet he couldn't help but turn his head anytime he heard Thor's name been spoken
at the company, hoping news had come of his return. He still missed him like
air, even if he himself never spoke of the other man.
Until one evening a call came from Frigga, catching him by surprise since he
had never heard from her since the night he himself had called looking for
Thor. He didn't even think the woman had saved his number, let alone remember
of his existence.
When the woman asked him if he could go to her, even though it was late at
night, claiming it was urgent and about her son, Loki didn't even think of
refusing. He grabbed his coat and went out to reach her house as fast as
possible. He would have never admitted to it, but he was still worried about
Thor, still holding on to the hope that his friend still loved him, that he
would come back to him one day or another. He hoped Thor was back or at least
that his family had finally decided to look out for him and find out where he
had been hiding all that time.
"Thank you for coming, I know it's late..."
Loki had always admired the woman, for what Thor had told him of her while
growing up, and for what he seen her do in public, always one step behind Odin
and yet unmistakably part of what made him a great man.
He shook his head, barely holding back the questions he had for her and the
need to know if they had found Thor.
"It seemed urgent, it was no problem, really."
Frigga was picking at her fingers, clearly agitated, but she nodded.
"I guess you're wondering why I called you at this hour, but we need to find
Thor. Odin didn't want me to search for him, but enough with this nonsense. He
passed out this afternoon, my husband, that is, and the doctors are worried
that it could be something serious. He should just rest and finally pass his
company down to someone else, God knows he has been working for far too long
anyway. We need to find Thor and convince him to come back." She fell quiet for
a moment, looking at Loki that even if aware now of the gravity of the
situation still couldn't understand why she had called him. "I think if there's
one person in the world that can talk him into coming back, that's you." She
finished.
Loki scoffed, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, madam, but I don't think- he has
not contacted me since he left his job. Not a single text. Not even a bit of
forewarning. I don't think he would be much interested in what I have to say."
He admitted bitterly.
He tried to smother that little voice inside his head that still reminded him
of the little note the man had left him, professing his love to him.
But the woman sighed and raised one hand to caress his face with the same
tender touch she would have used with her son. "Yes, but you always had loved
each other, and I'm sure that he still does. He would come back if you asked
him to."
Loki felt sick to his stomach at her words, suddenly filled with dread to be
such an open book to everyone, filled with the fear that she was mistaken and
he would have found Thor only to discover that he had lost any interest in him.
With the passing of time he had even started to wonder if the man had ever
loved him, at least as a friend, as a brother as he used to call Loki. He had
started even to doubt of the caresses they used to share, the kisses they would
exchange in the privacy of Thor's apartment, now a thing of the past, relegated
to his memory. He wondered how could he establish even the most obvious fact
when there existed no record outside his own memory. Had Thor really loved him,
given him kisses like the most tender lover, or had Loki just wished it so hard
to fabricate the memory of it?
Noticing the woman was still waiting for his answer, Loki nodded. "I will go
talk to him. If we can manage to find him, that is."
Frigga nodded, a relieved look on her face. "Thanks. I'll contact someone to
search him. Even if I'm not sure where to start with it, he could have gone
literally anywhere."
Loki nodded quietly, a thought going round in his head even louder than before.
"I think he could still be here in New York." He murmured slowly.
"Do you think so?"
"Yes, he often told me how much he loved this city. The people. I don't think
he would have just up and left, more like maybe find a hole where to hide under
our noses." He considered, telling someone about his thoughts for the first
time since Thor's disappearance. He walked to the window, watching the city his
friend loved.
"Then we'll start from here. It will be easier at least if he stayed here."
Loki didn't want to appear rude to the woman, he actually really liked her, but
the thought of things being easier just because Thor could have possibly stayed
in New York made him snort softly. "Yes, in this Night City it will be so
easy." He murmured sarcastically, watching the dark sky over the buildings and
streets yet so awake and full of life. "Gone, with nothing left of you but some
vague memory." He murmured, worried about the man he loved, worried that they
would never find him and that Thor himself would never decide to come back on
his own.
"We'll pay someone to find him." Frigga's voice managed to shake him off his
reverie and Loki stepped away from the window, turning to look at her. "So you
can talk him into coming back."
Loki nodded, but kept quiet. He had no intention to promise the woman he would
have taken back the man, if he had found out Thor was actually happier far from
the life he had previously led, then he had no intention to ask him to go back
at it, even if it meant troubles for his parents, even if it meant for Loki to
spend a pitiful life without him.
 
Loki went to the address the private detective had managed to find and give
Frigga, hoping that it was really Thor the man the detective had found, praying
his friend would still want to see him, talk to him, let alone go back home.
The more steps he took up the dirty stairs, hearing screams from behind closed
doors, the more he wasn't really sure the place could be the right one. He took
a deep breath before knocking at the door the detective had pointed out to
them, almost hoping it wasn't the correct address, but against all odds it was
Thor the one who opened the door.
Loki wasn't sure if the shock he felt was for knowing his multimillionaire
friend had been living all that time in that place, or because he was finally
meeting him again. Or maybe the dread that he would shut the door in his face
without a second thought.
But Thor surprised him once again, beaming brightly at him, a smile that Loki
had missed so much it hurt him to see it again.
"Loki!" Thor was sincerely happy to see him and grabbed the smart dressed man
by the hand to tug him closer, a moment before he enveloped Loki in a bear hug
that took the breath out of the younger man. "I'm so happy to see you..." He
murmured, face pressed against his neck.
Loki couldn't even breathe at that hug, too shaken at being again in his arms,
his brain fighting a useless battle between everything he had thought in his
loneliest hours and the fact laid clear in front of him that Thor still liked
him, that maybe Thor hadn't changed a bit from the man he used to kiss, the one
he used to sleep with, the one who had spent years texting him even just to say
what he was having for breakfast.
"Me too..." He murmured, his voice choked up, and he cracked a smile when Thor
moved away just enough to look at him.
"You haven't changed a bit." Thor murmured with a soft smile.
Loki would have loved to say the same for him, but the truth was that his
friend had changed. He had a more ragged up vibe around him, he looked like he
had spent months barely scraping up the money to pay for his bills and food,
let alone buying new clothes. And it was very much possible since to disappear
from his parents’ radar, Thor had had to stop getting his money from the ATM,
stop writing checks or even paying with his credit cards.
"You have changed a lot." He admitted.
Thor smiled and shook his head with fondness, stepping back to pull him inside.
"Get in. I have to go to work but can talk while I change." He chuckled.
Loki followed him inside, mentally recoiling at the sight of the small rooms,
the smell of mildew that seemed to permeate every piece of furniture, and he
dared sit down only on the blankets on Thor's bed since they seemed to be
freshly washed.
"This place-" He started, hesitating for a moment before deciding to start back
again. "Don't you miss your old apartment?"
"A bit, sometimes. Well, maybe a lot." Thor admitted, taking off his shirt
before rummaging in a drawer, looking for another.
Loki fell silent, watching the naked back of his friend with an acute longing.
He would have paid good money to just be able to touch him once again like he
was free to do just months ago.
"But at least what I have here my father can't say he gave it to me. What I
have here is mine and I don't have to stay under his rules." Thor nodded,
trying to not look too much at the man sitting on his bed. "Did you come here
to ask me about my living conditions?" He asked with a soft smile, throwing a
glance at him.
"No." Loki said shaking his head, still watching him move around the room. "No.
Your mother wanted me to convince you to go back. She thought you still- you
would still listen to me." He admitted.
Thor watched him for a moment, standing still on the other side of the bed. He
had fought for so long against his own heart, trying to forget Loki, trying to
only think about his life and the chance he had to start anew, and there he
was, the man he had always loved asking him to go back.
"I can't go back."
"Why." Loki murmured, standing up, circling the back to get closer to him.
"What happened, Thor- why did you go away?"
"You know why." He snorted, shaking his head before donning a clean shirt. "Or
do you really want to tell me my father didn't go around explaining why I
wasn't worth to success him? He had any right to fire me, but I had the right
to take the decision on how to live my life."
Loki would have wanted nothing more than to touch his face, to fix the long
hair that escaped the blonde ponytail, to lean in and kiss him, but he denied
it to himself and merely nodded again. He had done the same thing in some way
when he had decided to leave his father's company, so he couldn't blame Thor
for going away to live a life he thought could be better for him. Still he had
no idea why the man had had to go far from him.
"I called you a lot. You never picked up." He murmured instead.
"I know. I'm sorry." Thor lowered his head, closing his eyes for a moment. "I'm
sorry. It was hard to do that, but I had to - I had to do it."
Loki swallowed a lump in his throat and nodded, pretending to understand - and
in some way he did, for what there could have been between them? - why Thor had
wanted to start a new life without him.
But Thor surprised him right when Loki had expected him to say they were done
talking.
"Would you like to see where I work now?" He offered with half a smile. "I'm
quite good."
"And you can bring guests?"
"It's an open club, anyone who pays can enter." He chuckled.
"Then I'll come." Loki smiled a bit, trying to hold on to the hope that Thor
still wanted him around now that he had managed to find him once again. He had
to find out what exactly had happened between his friend and his father since
one thought everybody knew and the other didn't wanted to talk about it. He had
to know if there was a chance of Thor coming back and give some sense to Loki's
life too along the way.
"But why this place?" He had to ask when Thor got out of his room, crossing the
small kitchen to get to the door.
"The rent is affordable." Thor just shrugged.
"And there are no rats." A voice added from their right, making Loki jump.
He hadn't even noticed a guy sitting in a dark corner of the room, a textbook
perched on his knees.
"Loki, this is Sasha. Sasha, he's my brother, Loki." Thor presented them with a
smile, clearly happy to show he had made friends since leaving his previous
life, or maybe - Loki thought - to show he knew Loki.
He was irked anyway at Thor telling around they were brothers.
"I'm not his brother." He specified, trying to ignore the hurt look Thor had
thrown his way, until he understood what had made Thor react that bad at those
simple words. "No, I don't mean that-" He huffed. "I'm not saying I'm not your
friend anymore, Thor, I'm just telling this guy that we're not blood related!"
Sasha, who spoke with an east european accent, nodded. "Oh, it's okay, dude. My
cousin was adopted too, but his brother, my other cousin, sees him like a
brother - real brother - too. You don't have to feel like less of a brother."
He tried to reassure Loki, who was just looking at him with his eyes narrowed.
"Fascinating. But no."
The door opened right when Loki was about to ask Thor to just lead the way out,
and a short girl with big eyeglasses came in with a bike, looking surprised at
the guest dressed in a suit that could have probably covered the apartment rent
for a good year.
"And she's my other roommate, Berta. Berta, he's my brother Loki." Thor
presented him the new arrived.
"I'm not his brother." He replied, annoyed, not even caring about being
impolite.
"He's adopted." Sasha filled in for him from the couch.
At that, Loki stalked out the apartment, pissed off by Thor's persistence in
presenting him as his brother, leaving the man to follow him and explain the
two that everything was okay.
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