Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8443987.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Dean_Winchester_&_Sam_Winchester, Dean_Winchester/Sam_Winchester
  Character:
      Sam_Winchester, Dean_Winchester, Ellen_Harvelle, Jo_Harvelle
  Additional Tags:
      Episode:_s02e02_Everybody_Loves_a_Clown, alternative_ending, Rape/Non-con
      Elements, Rape_Aftermath, Psychic_Bond, Brother_Bond, Hurt/Comfort,
      Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, tags_sucks_but_the_story_is_better, No_Slash
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-11-01 Words: 3632
****** Killer clown ******
by DrJaeger
Summary
     Taking place during the second season, ep2
     When Dean witnesses that Sam's clown phobia can actually put him in
     danger, he decides to get to the root of the problem
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
Killer clown
 
 
Sam hated this case.
 
After everything that happened this past few weeks, he had to do something,
anything. The case he found at the Roadhouse was a blessing. Or so he thought.
A fucking killer clown had already left 6 kids orphan, and very traumatized.
 
With Dean's attitude after their father's death, Sam knew something wasn't
right with him. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he could feel it, hell,
he could see it written all over Dean's face. His big brother used to worship
the man, follow every order as if they were God's words, even though that
created so much tension with Sam; and now that he died, he didn't care? It's
like they exchanged feelings about their father. Dean couldn't care less, but
Sam felt so bad. They were now orphans, but instead of helping each other out,
being there for one another, they barely even talked.
 
So yeah, the two of them working on a case, as bizarre and creepy as it appeard
to be, was for Sam the best way to get their head out of the sand and get back
on track. Let's hope for the right one, because right now, this case could
completely backfire and blow up the fragile bond they were sharing at the
moment. And god knows that this bond was stretched, tainted and partially
ruined since Stanford -that Dean still thought of as betrayal and abandonment
from the brother he sacrificed everything for- and especially since the great
John Winchester murmured his secret to Dean's ear. The eldest son didn't think
he could ever forgive the old man for laying such weight on his shoulder, for
even daring to ask what he asked of him. But it wasn't the time or place to
think about that, in fact, if he could just forget those words, everything
would be for the best.
 
For some reason, Dean just loved being a fucking dick to his baby brother.
During the investigation that took place, he kept teasing Sam about his fear of
clowns. Okay, Dean found them creepy too, but not to this extent. When he
rushed for the normal chair in the office of the circus director, forcing Sam
to sit on the clown chair, he felt like an asshole seeing how hard it actually
was for his little bro, the way he flinched, barely putting down his ass on the
frikin chair. He frowned, and took a mental note to poke his brother about that
weird clown phobia.
 
When they finally closed on the clown, Sam and Dean got pulled apart. Of
course, Sam was the one the clown decided to mess with. They were in the
circus, inside this big tent in the middle of everything, the one where the
lions, horses and other animals distracted the public with well rehearsed
sideshows. From where Sam stood in the middle of the circus ring, the place
looked like an arena : benches in an arc, strong pillars, 3 on his right and 3
on his left, three entrances for the animals and their trainers, and right in
front of him, a large alley for the spectators to come in. Sam turned around,
looked through the pitch black holes that led to the cages full of sleeping
predators and preys.
 
He didn't hear the pitter-patter of the clown feet, but he definitely felt the
hand that garbed his shoulder. His brain shut down, letting muscle reflexes and
muscle memory take over the taller man's body. He turned around again, his
right fist flying quickly to land painfully on the clown's jaw. But the clown
took only one step back to re-gain balance... and laughted. It was a horrible,
sadistic laugh that brought up memories from Sam's subconscious, images and
feelings he had tried so hard to destroy, get rid of, to bury in the deepest
part of his mind. Sam took a step back too, breathed hard and closed his eyes,
trying his best to shut down his memories and put them aside so he could take
down the clown.
Right, the clown, where the fuck did he go ? Sam got his answer when he felt a
foot kick the behind of his knees, forcing him to fell on the ground. Caught
off guard, Sam ended up on his hands and knees, and a wave of fear came
crushing him down, inhibiting him to breath or think straight. Sam knew he was
fucked as he felt the clown step over him, and slowly sit on his lower back,
keeping him from getting back up.
Well, technically, he was strong enough, had trained enough to take control of
the situation and make this clown regret ever messing with him. But right now,
Sam wasn't capable of anything but squirming under the thing, screaming his
brother's name inside his head out of despair.
 
Dean had just finished looking into the 'haunted house' when he felt it. A
strong jolt of pain in his brain, just like he was being stabbed with an ice
pick. Not that he ever was stabbed with an ice pick, but for some reason, he
thought that it would cause the same pain as the one he was feeling right now.
Suddenly, Dean felt scared, so scared he was almost paralysed with terror. And
that was completely insane. He was alone, his flashlight giving him more than
enough light to see clearly even in this moonless night. There weren't any
scary noises either that could have spooked him a little, so where this
irrational fear came from ? But then, something even more weird happened. He
heard someone scream his name. Well, not really heard it, because there weren't
even animal noises around him, nothing but silence. He heard it again, and
again, and finally understood that it came from inside his brain, just like the
fear. It took him a minute or so to put all the pieces together. His brother
was in trouble. Dean had absolutely no idea how this, all this, was even
possible, but he was going to have to think about that later. Following his
guts, he ran towards the main tent. What he saw when he came inside startled
him. His baby brother was in the middle of the circus ring, wiggling on his
belly, crushed by the clown they were hunting. But what really brought chills
down his spine, was the way Sam, the over grown man that he was, was clawing
the ground with his fingers like his life depended on it, and was crying while
mumbling something that looked like a prayer and sounded like 'Let me go'. Dean
knew Sam was afraid of clowns for many years, but if the fear he felt earlier
was Sam's, then it was so much more than some clown phobia.
 
Dean took a few steps towards the circus ring, not letting his presence be
known. It was hard to think with all the fear in his head and the way his ears
only heard Sam howling his name. Still, once he knew he was close enough, he
took his gun out and shot once in the clown's head. Silver bullet, just to be
sure. The second the dead body fell on top of his brother's living one, Dean
heard a raging 'No!' coming out of his brother's mouth, along with an acute
shooting pain in his brain that clouded his vision for a second. The older man
ran inside, and quickly kicked the body away to free his brother. When he bent
down to catch Sam, he could only witness how the younger man crawled
desperately out of reach, only to shrivel few feet away in a foetal position,
rocking himself to ease the sobbing.
 
Dean could not comprehend his brother's reaction, but he let Sam take the time
he needed to calm himself, feeling the pain in his brain dissolve. When he felt
it was only him on his brain, he approached Sam, who had stopped rocking back
and forth, crouching next to him.
 
"It's okay Sammy, it's over now... Come on, let's get out of here".
 
Sam nodded, got up and followed his brother out.
 
The drive back to the Roadhouse was painfully silent. Hopefully, it wasn't that
long.
As soon as the two of them came inside, Ellen greeted them with a bright smile
 
"Hey boys! How was the-"
 
She stopped mid-sentence at the sight of the brothers' faces. She rose a
questionning eyebrow when Sam stepped behind the bar, grabbed a bottle of wisky
and started drinking without using a glass.
 
"What happened?"
 
"I don't fucking know Ellen, I really don't... Sam, what the hell happened back
there ?"
 
When Sam didn't answer, back still turned to Dean, he added, "And how the hell
did you get in my head?"
 
"What? " said Ellen and Jo at once
 
"We splited up to look for the frikin clown, and I felt like the worst migraine
I ever had hit me, but I also felt fear, so much fear, and I heard Sam call my
name, in my head"
 
"What the hell..." whispered Ellen
 
"Yeah, tell me about it... Sam, why on earth are you so terrified by them ?"
 
After a long pause,Sam took a deep breath and said "It was your fault"
 
"What ? How can it be my fault ? What happened ?"
 
"You don't wanna know"
 
"Like hell I don't ! I just wanna help you man, come on, talk to me Sammy"
 
"Did you see anything ?"
 
"What ?"
 
"At the circus, you said you heard me, and you felt fear, but did you see
anything, felt anything else than that ?"
 
Dean thought about that for a bit before he answered
 
"I only felt fear, but I saw... I think I saw some kind of a trailer park or
something"
 
Sam let out a sob and took another long mouthful of alcohol to calm his nerves.
 
"Sam, you have to let me help you with that, whatever 'that' is"
 
"I can't" replied the other, shaking again
 
"Yes you can, I know you can"
 
"Why ?" screamed Sam turning around to look at Dean "Why do you want to know ?
There's nothing you can do !"
 
"Maybe not, but maybe it will help you. And you know it Sam, keeping a secret
like that can kill you. If I didn't show up when I did, that motherfucker would
have shredded you to pieces by now, I mean, you were terrified back there, you
didn't even fight back for god's sake Sam !'
 
"Fuck... you really want to know ? Then look !"
 
Sam slammed his hand against his big brother's forehead, closing his eyes to
concentrate on transmitting the memory from his brain to Dean's.
He had no idea how that thing worked, or even if it would work, but he couldn't
just tell what happened, if Dean wanted to know, this was the only way.
 
Dean took a deep breath as he felt, for the second time of the day, an
abnormally high amount of pain coursing through his brain. His vision died, but
then he saw something.
It was him, well, sixteen-year-old him, but still, that was the most awkward
thing ever. He heard himself say "Sam, come on, you stay here, go enjoy the
circus at the corner of the street, buy yourself a cotton candy, whatever. I
have a date with a girl tonight, i'll be back before tomorrow morning". He
remembered that night, when he came back, Sam was sick for three days because
he had eaten too much candy. Or did he ?
 
Sam fast forward to the moment he met the clown. When he was a kid, he wasn't
afraid of clowns, he even liked them. So, when a clown came to him, and offered
to show him a magic trick, of course he accepted. Magic has always been
something that fascinated Sam, even after that night, even considering the
world they were living in.
 
Dean saw the clown through baby Sam' eyes. He felt his hand on the shoulder,
saw the bright smile and heard the offer. He felt himself (Sam) nod with
childish excitement. The clown took his hand, gave him a lollipop and started
walking away, pulling Sam with him. Dean, the real Dean back at the bar, felt
his stomach twist. He knew what was next, god, he hoped and prayed he was
wrong, but from what he felt and saw earlier, there wasn't much hope.
Back in the memory, he felt Sam biginning to worry, something wasn't right.
"Euh Mr Clown ? I... I changed my mind, I want to go back" Dean heard Sam say
with his beautifully light and high pitched kid voice. The clown turned around,
the smile turned into something so much more scarier. "No" was the only thing
he said before grabbing Sam's arm with strenght and dragged the fighting little
boy towards the circus' trailer park. It was empty of course. As the clown
forced him (Sam) to his knees, he was terrified, he never felt so much fear,
probably because he knew that Dean wasn't going to save him, he was all alone,
and he was going to suffer more than he ever suffered throughout his entire
life.
The memory faded as one hand grabbed him by his hair, the other unzipping the
costume at the belly.
 
 
"Argh... fuck!" Dean uttered as his consciousness took over, the pain even more
present.
 
When Dean opened his eyes, back at the bar, he saw the worried looks on Ellen
and Jo, who didn't dare to interrupt whatever what going on. He didn't care,
and switched his gaze toward Sam, whose face was tainted with tears.
 
"Oh Sam... I'm so sorry..."
 
"You didn't do it" declared Sam with an awful detachment
 
"No, but you were right, it's my fault. I let you alone that night, it happened
because I wasn't there to protect you"
 
When Sam didn't say anything, Dean couldn't help asking "Why did you stop ? Why
didn't show me the rest"
 
"Don't want to... You know what happens next Dean"
 
"Show me"
 
"No, I guess you can feel what I felt, and I'm not letting you get raped
through me"
 
Ellen gasped at those words, but Sam continued
 
"I was alone Dean, alone when it happened, alone when I got back to the motel,
alone when I cried myself to sleep, I fucking woke up alone ! So no Dean, you
don't get to know, you don't get to share this with me when you weren't even
there"
 
There was no more fear in Sam's voice, all of it was replaced by pure hate. Sam
resented his brother for not being there for him when he needed him the most.
 
"Why didn't you tell me ?"
 
"Sure, when you came back what did you wanted me to say ? 'hi, when you fucked
that girl last night, I got fucked too' ?, no, you saw me, said I was pale and
feverish from the candies I ate, so I went along with it"
 
 
"Please, show me, show me how much I fucked up, I need to know"
 
"No, haven't you heard what I said ?"
 
"Sam!" Dean yelled as he took his baby brother's head in his hands, closing his
eyes, concentrating on the last memory he had from that night.
 
"No !!! Dean, stop !!!"
 
But it was too late, the psychic highway was open again, allowing Dean to take
the memory as his, and re-live it all.
 
 
It was dark, he (Sam) was forced to his knees while the man in front of him
opened his clown costume, revealing just how hard he was from this situation.
He wanted to puke, he scratched the hand holding him, but nothing he did
changed what was about to be done to him. After getting his cock out of his
pants, the big hand came to his cheek. "Don't cry boy, open up now". Dean felt
his kid brother refuse and clench his teeth, but the man's thumb pressed right
behind his jaw, and the pain made him want to scream. The moment he opened his
mouth to tell the man to stop, the disgusting cock forced its way inside the
boy's mouth. Everything was blurry, he could barely see, but he could smell the
sweat and the musk coming out of his rapist. He stoped his brain to think about
the taste, but when the man's cock touched the back of his throat, he thought
he was going to die from being chocked that way. So without thinking about the
consequences, he bit down as hard as he could. The clown screamed in pain, and
punched the boy hard enough to make him black out. The moment he came back to
reality, he wished he hadn't. The pain was excruciating. He was on his stomach,
pants and underwear down, felt one hand between his shoulders, another one on
his small back. But the worst was his ass, he felt like it was literally on
fire, burned open, being stretched way more than it was supposed to be able to
at his age. Split open definitely applied to the situation. Dean (Sam) screamed
his lungs out, but the man was fast, this probably wasn't the first time for
him, and put a piece of fabric in his mouth, probably a stuffed toy but he
really couldn't bring himself to care right now. Dean tried to squirm his way
out, but the man was so heavy it was useless. His hands were stretched in front
if him, clawing the concrete, making his fingers bleed.
 
He probably passed out again, because when he came back to, he was still on the
ground half naked, but alone. So alone. Everything hurt, all he wanted to do
was go back to sleep, forget about the pain, being on his brother's arms,
hearing him say that everything was going to be okay. So, as slow as he could
go, he got back up, put his pants back on with infinite care, and headed back
to the motel. After what felt like the longest time, walking brought tears to
his eyes. He had no idea if he could make it back to the motel, but he had to
try, he had to see Dean, tell him what happened. He knew that his big brother
was going to run to the circus and probably kill the damn clown, and for the
first time, he wished for a man's death. When he finally passed the door, Sam
let out a huge breath he didn't know he was holding, and called out to his
brother. No answer. Dean wasn't back yet.
Sam felt so dirty that the first thing he did was taking a shower. After the
hardships of taking his clothes off and, the worst, stepping into the shower,
he dared to look down. What he saw made him cry harder. There was blood, that
he was prepared for, but it was mixed with something white. Semen. Without
warning, his stomach gave back everything it had in, and more. The pain of
throwing up on an empty stomach and the one from the rape itself made Sam's
vision darken. But he held on to the present, and washed himself clean, well,
as clean as he could for now. He didn't think he could ever be clean again.
 
 
 
Back in the Roadhouse, Ellen decided that the pain she was witnessing on the
brothers' faces was too much. She closed in, and slowly took Dean hands back
from Sam's head.
With the loss of contact, both men came back breathless. Sam opened his eyes
and threw a hard punch on Dean's jaw. The older sibling fell on his back, but
Sam followed and kept throwing punches. Dean didn't even protect himself,
accepting his brother's hate. He knew, he knew and he understood. When Sam,
panting, was done with him, he just said
 
"You weren't the only one to feel it again you son of a bitch"
 
 
He stood back up, and walked out of the bar.
Jo stepped out of the numbness she was in and decided to follow Sam, maybe try
to talk to him.
 
"No! Jo, don't follow him. He just needs time"
 
"What the hell was that all about ?" Ellen asked, clearly confused.
 
"Well, apparently, we can access each other's brain" Dean said with a fake
smile, still on his back, tears in his eyes
 
"Yeah, that I understood, no, I was talking about everything else"
 
So Dean explained. Sam's fear of clowns, the first and the second memories.
 
"It was my fault... I wasn't there to protect him, it's all because of me."
 
"No, it wasn't Dean" Jo was the one to talk now, "You can't be there every
minute of your brother's life. What happened was more than tragic, but it's
done, and you can't do anything about it now. What you can do, is go back to
your brother who just experienced his rape again, and be there for him now."
 
 
Dean looked up to Jo, saw the strenght and wise coming out of this girl and
nodded.
 
Once he saw his brother sitting on a bench behind the bar, head on his hands,
he approached and sat next to him.
 
"I'm sorry I've beeng such an ass back there, I shouldn't have forced you to
share that with me... I'm so sorry Sammy"
 
Sam didn't move, didn't say anything, so Dean just went on
 
"I know you wanted me, you needed me back then, and I didn't see that need. But
now I'm here, and you don't have to explain anything, I know."
 
Sam sobbed quietly, and let Dean pull him into a tight hug
 
"It's okay now, I'm here Sammy... We're here"
 
 
 
 
 
The end
End Notes
     Hi everyone !
     I really don't know what it is with me between Sam and rape, but my
     imagination is full of it (not just that, no worries, I'm sane...
     well, I think so...)
     Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this story, let me know what you thought
     of it in the comments or by leaving a kudo !
     Thanks !
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