Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8259277.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      No_Archive_Warnings_Apply, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Uncharted_(Video_Games)
  Relationship:
      Nathan_Drake/Samuel_Drake
  Character:
      Nathan_Drake, Samuel_Drake, Victor_Sullivan_(mentioned)
  Additional Tags:
      Sibling_Incest, Oral_Sex, Underage_Drinking, Past_Underage_Sex, Dubious
      Consent
  Series:
      Part 1 of Drake
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-10-11 Words: 1285
****** Just a game ******
by hands0me_rhys
Summary
     "Here." Sam is the first to initiate, and Nathan downs half the
     bottle before he's ready to respond.
Notes
     DISCLAIMER: In no way do I condone underage and/or incestuous
     relationships. I do not, under any circumstance, think it justifiable
     for a teenager to be intimately involved with a grown adult. There is
     a bold line between fictional and reality. This is a fictional work.
     These characters do not exist in the real world. I do not wish to
     offend or harm anyone mentally or physically, and feel that it must
     be brought to attention as to not hurt anyone or indirectly cause ill
     intent. You have been advised.
His heels hit softly against the roof, legs dangling as they sit on the ledge.
Nathan's face was flushed from the chill, sitting there, his brother muttering
fondly about something or the other. He'd been released from prison again, a
few-month sentence after being caught doing something dumb. Nate couldn't
remember what it was. Sam had done enough wrongs to make a right. Though, it
wasn't like Nathan was completely pure, either.
"Little brother?"
His head darted up, and he parted his lips. "Huh?" Sam snorted at the belated
reaction, and his elbow nudged against Nathan's side. "You should be listening,
brat. Little out of it today, huh?" The older boy, lest he say man, raised
something from the clutch of his palm, covered in a little brown bag. Nate knew
what it was as soon as the smell filled his nose, heavy and sharp. "Here." Sam
is the first to initiate, and Nathan downs half the bottle before he's ready to
respond.
This is what his older brother does. He plays the cycle— the game. He leaves
for six months, without a word, and a fifteen year old boy was left all on his
own while his twenty-something brother was held up on vandalism charges. Sam
doesn't say a goddamn thing until he gets out, soon after attempting to mend
the seams. Nathan, stubborn as he may be and sleeping in an abandoned building
for the duration of his brother’s absence, welcomed him with open arms. He's
not a perfect guardian. Nate convinced himself he can do it on his own, can
live by himself. That was until he nearly got himself killed stealing from the
old dude and his partner, what's-her-face. His face still stung from the slap,
but at least Victor wasn't on his ass anymore. Just.. concerned, which was
something Nathan wasn't familiar with. 
"I haven't seen you in months." Nate responded, the words unnecessarily bitter.
Samuel pursed his lips. The younger Drake avoided making eye-contact, his
eyelashes down-casted and his head bowed. "I'm sorry." Nate knew what this was
about. He knew what was bothering Sam. It was Sullivan, meeting him, learning
that Nathan had a life that didn't revolve around his older brother.
Nathan didn't accept the apology, and Sam sighed, reaching to take the
bottle."I just don't trust him. He's a con-man, Nathan. People like that
hanging around kids like you—" Nathan interrupts him, teeth grinding and his
eyes moving to glare up at his brother. "What does that make us, Sam? You? You
weren't there." The younger of the two distanced himself, his arms moving in on
himself to avoid touching. His head is fuzzy, blank, static filling his ears.
Sam pinched the bridge of his nose, and sat the bottle down. It clanked on the
asphalt. 
"I'm tryimg to look out for you. Don't you get that?" The older Drake, Nathan
knew, was getting frustrated. His eyebrows furrowed, his muscles tensed, and
Nate could see the outline of his throat bobbing as he swallowed. "I.. I know
that," Nathan lost his voice for only a moment. Sam slouched, his palm propping
up his head. ".. but dictating my life when you chose to be in it isn't helping
me, Sam." The shock of what he, himself, had said is what initially made Nate
stutter into silence. 
A rough hand slapped over the back of his neck, and he's jerked to face his
brother. There's lips over his own, and Nathan swallowed the tongue darting
past his lips, his teeth biting down on the warm organ invading his mouth. Sam
hissed frustratingly, and the sharp taste is familiar in his mouth. Nate's eyes
rolled to the back of his head when finger nails dug into the nape of his neck.
He couldn't breath, his nostrils flaring, palms jerking to grab fistfuls of
brown hair. His fingers tugged abruptly, and Sam responding with a moan seeping
through the suffocating kiss.
This is how the game is played. Sam pretends it didn't happen. He tries to show
that he's sorry, but really, he isn't. He plays nice. He shows mercy.
That part is over.
This is rough, fast, and mean. The kind that made Nathan drool, the rare
moments where Sam gave him what he wanted as a selfish boy, indulged in
Nathan's neediness after he's been gone for too long. "Please— Pl—" Sam pulled
away. All the noise is coming from Nate, pleading, panting, his fingers
clinging onto his brother's hip, trying to pull him closer, to find warmth
where there was none.
Sam's palms move to be placed over his cheeks, tilting his head, and there's
more. It's filthy, messy, and Nathan's lips are wet and swollen, but he doesn't
care, his tongue lapping soundly over the older Drake's mouth, looking for
anything his teeth could nip against, and Sam's laugh is guttural, but warm. So
very warm.
It took him little time to register that they were moving, falling back onto
the terrace, and Sam crawls over him, his palms caging him in, teeth bruising
his younger brother's jaw and neck. Nathan is soundly, soft noises arising, his
legs untangling to wrap around Sam's waist, yanking him closer, the bulge
overshadowed by denim leaving him to rut, spittle building at the back of his
throat when his brother's fingers are quick work of his zipper, and he's
pushing his two layers down to his thighs, pushing his shirt up and kissing
down his abdomen.
Nathan is a babbling mess,  hand wrapping over the hair he'd been so delighted
to muss up, tugging harshly when Sam sneered against his naval. "Is this what
you want, little brother? Want me to fuck you silly, your cock down my throat
and my hands all over you?" Nathan couldn't hear anymore over his own pleasure,
his own static, the ringing in his ears. "Answer me." The older Drake
commanded, and Nathan's stomach dipped when a tongue lapped against the flesh
beneath his belly.
"Yes, holy— fuck. Please, Sammy." Nate squeezed his eyes shut, until Sam's
mouth is all over his cock, and Nathan couldn't keep the whines from leaving
him, then the soft whimpering, and then finally the moans.
It's pitiful, the way his legs are attempting to curl in on themselves. Sam is
pushing his legs apart, yanking his jeans down to his ankles, and engulfing him
within two licks. It's embarrassing, when Nathan's skin hits the November air,
and he's freezing, but his face is hot and his fingers tingle. His stomach
tightens, and it's bliss, when he's lost in the white of his eyes. Sam
swallowed everything, pulling him closer with harsh fingers holding open his
thighs, over-stimulating him until Nate was a bawling mess. There's gross tears
smearing over his face, because Sam is done and he might leave again.
"No tears, baby boy. C'mon, please. You don't want to watch me cry, do you?"
Sam's voice was soft in that instant, genuine, teasing, and he's slowly
enveloping Nathan. Pushing his pants up, wrapping arms around his back, and
Nathan is putty in his arms, burrowing his red face in his chest. "Maybe." He
muttered, and he could feel Sam's grin as he pressed firmly in the curls of his
younger brother's hair. "Don't test me, Natalie." The name, an assault to his
ego, didn’t deter Nathan as he tightened his grip around his brother's back.
Sam just kisses against his scalp.
"Don't leave." The younger mutters airly, and the older Drake hums. "You're
stuck with me."
Nathan knew he was lying. He knew the game would repeat in a few months, or in
a few weeks. His chest hurt, but not from relief; from fear.
 
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ean.”
Without moving, the two boys met again and kissed. Dean could feel Sam’s grin
against his mouth. The rest of the bologna lay forgotten on Dean’s thigh.
Dean startled when a cold nose pushed against his thigh. He watched Spot gobble
the rest of the bologna up in one bite and then lick at the skin where it had
sat. He ignored the dog and went back to kissing Sam.
Spot’s tongue moved farther up Dean’s thigh. It was up far enough that Dean
could feel it slightly touch his little prick. He subtly shifted lower, so more
of Spot’s tongue licked the little shaft.
It felt better then Sam’s butt had. The wet heat felt amazing on his velvety
skin. Dean moaned into Sam’s mouth and kissed his little brother harder. He
sucked on the small tongue as Spot’s tongue began to lick Dean’s dick in
earnest.
The tongue drug across Dean’s tiny balls and all the way up to the tip of
Dean’s cock over and over again. Dean squirmed into the touch, wanting more and
loving the little shocks of pleasure the tongue brought.
Dean removed one hand from Sam’s hair and moved it to pet Spot, trying to push
him closer to his dick. Spot took the hint and kept lapping at it.
The toes on Dean’s feet curled and he pulled away from Sam’s kiss with a shout,
his entire body seizing up in shocks of pleasure. His eyes squeezed shut as he
came. He breathed heavily after the sensation went away. He gently pushed Spot
away—maybe the mutt wasn’t such a bad dog.
“Are you okay Dean?” Sam asked.
Dean smiled tiredly at his brother. “I’m awesome Sammy. You wanna go watch
cartoons now? Dad will be home soon and he’ll want the TV.” Sam nodded
enthusiastically and began pulling on his clothes.
“Dean? Can we play doctor again tomorrow?” Sam asked as he struggled to tug his
sock on. Dean reached over to help him.
“Sam, we can play doctor everyday.”
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You don’t have to tell me. I have eyes, you
know.”
Mahiru squints at them, confused, then follows Shinya’s gaze, which is pointed
down to Guren’s crotch.
She whistles appreciatively. “Did I do that?”
“What do you think?”
“You’re too sensitive,” Mahiru teases, but it would be a complete lie for her
to say that she isn’t feeling a little pressure down there, too. Just a touch
of wetness, maybe. Nothing more.
But, well, training her eyes on Guren’s achingly obvious erection isn’t
helping, by any means. The alcohol in her system is perhaps exaggerating the
desire which courses through her, but she has no complaints, really.
“Did you bring anything else?” Shinya asks.
Guren thinks about it for a moment, then shakes his head.
Shinya looks to Mahiru, now.
“I think my phone,” she says. “But don’t worry! I can get it myself. I’m less
drunk than I was, you know.”
“Are you?”
Well, probably not, but at least if she falls down the stairs, she’s unlikely
to even actually feel it until tomorrow.
She nods, and, before Shinya can argue with her, she stumbles back inside,
taking the stairs carefully. She doesn’t fall down, thankfully, and as the rest
of the people see her, they all ask, in various different tones, “Where were
you?”
“I think we have to go,” she confesses. “But this was fun. Thanks, Aoi-san.”
“Ah, too bad,” Aoi says, stalling in her action of (terribly) shuffling a deck
of cards. “Next time, then. And, you know, you could invite your brother, too,
if you—”
Mahiru cuts her off with a snort. “I doubt you could get him to fuck you,
anyway. He’s, y’know…”
Aoi sighs, disappointed, but nods. “Well, either way, see you around.”
Mahiru finds her phone, then gives her cheerful farewells and makes her way
back up the stairs again. She trips, this time, but recovers quickly, and finds
her friends just outside the back door. Shinya is on the phone, and Guren is
simply watching him, clearly not too bothered by his arousal.
As she comes out to join them, she catches what Shinya is saying into the
phone.
“...Probably wasn’t a great idea.” He pauses, listening, then says, “No, no,
we’re fine. Guren’s fine. Don’t worry.” He listens again. Laughs. “Mahiru and I
are fine, too, yes. Just wouldn’t want these two to drink any more than they
already have. I’m sure at least Guren will have one hell of a hangover
tomorrow.”
“He’s calling you inexperienced,” Mahiru whispers.
“I am,” Guren reminds her.
Well, they are only sixteen, after all.
“Thanks,” Shinya says. “See you soon.”
He ends the call, then looks to Guren and Mahiru. “He’s on his way. Let’s wait
inside.”
Guren and Mahiru allow him to lead them back into the house, and towards the
front door. Shinya swiftly thanks the family, who are in the sitting room, for
allowing them to come over, while Guren hides behind Mahiru, hands on her
shoulders.
They don’t have to wait too long before Shinya is ushering them out of the
house, leading them towards Guren’s dad’s car and helping them inside. Shinya
is adamant that Mahiru take the front seat, and she has a feeling that it’s
because he doesn’t trust her not to make another move on Guren (which, she
supposes, he is probably correct in his judgements). The drive is taken in
silence, except for Sakae telling them that he hopes they had a good time, and
Mahiru assuring him that they most certainly did.
By the time they get to Guren’s house, Mahiru’s head is beginning to clear
slightly, thankfully. Still, everything that has happened tonight remains a
blissful memory, and it is with great cheer that she enters the house.
She takes off her shoes, then enters the familiar sitting room, flopping down
on the couch next to the eight-year-old boy that is already there, watching the
television but looking rather bored.
“Hey, Yuu,” Mahiru says.
He doesn’t even look at her. “Hey.”
“Mahiru, stop harassing Yuu,” Shinya scolds, coming to stand in front of her.
“You should be going to bed.”
“But—”
“I’m going to get you some water,” he tells her. “And you’ll drink it. And then
you’ll go to bed.”
“Whose bed?”
Beside her, she sees Yuu heave a large sigh, then reach for the remote and turn
the volume on the television up.
“Not Guren’s, if that’s what you’re trying to suggest.”
Mahiru pouts at him.
“I’ll be back,” he says, then turns and walks away from her.
Once he’s gone, she turns to Yuu. “So,” she says, “what have you been up to
tonight?”
“I’m trying to watch TV,” he says, irritated.
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping?”
He shoots her an annoyed glance.
“Okay, okay, sorry, just a suggestion…”
Shinya comes back soon, though, squeezing beside her on the couch and handing
her a glass of water.
“Where’s Guren?” she asks.
“He’s taking a shower.”
“Oh, so he can—?”
“Mahiru,” Shinya hisses, putting a hand over her mouth.
Well, she doubts Yuu even knows what masturbating is, anyway.
As Shinya drops his hand, though, she asks, “Is that, like...safe? What if he
falls down?”
“He was pretty insistent that we let him shower,” Shinya says. “His dad will
check on him if he needs to.”
“I want to check on him,” Mahiru says mournfully.
“You’re disgusting,” Shinya mutters. “Drink your water.”
She does as she’s told.
Once she’s finished, she passes the glass off to Shinya, who takes it back to
the kitchen. Once he leaves, Yuu, not turning his gaze off of the television,
says, “Did you get my brother drunk?”
“Yeah,” Mahiru says.
“I see,” Yuu says. “Is he gonna be hungover tomorrow?”
“Probably.”
“Cool.”
“Cool?”
“Yeah,” Yuu says seriously, “because then maybe Dad will let him sleep in, and
he won’t be a cranky bastard in the morning.”
“Are you sure you should be talking like that?”
Yuu just shrugs.
Well, Mahiru supposes it is true that Guren can be a little cranky in the
mornings. She’s always found it rather endearing, though.
When Shinya returns this time, he is followed by Sakae and Guren, the latter of
whom is clinging to his father’s arm, trying to keep himself upright, Mahiru
guesses.
“Ready for bed?” Shinya asks, looking down at Mahiru.
“Guren’s bed?”
“No.”
Mahiru huffs.
“I’ll sleep here,” Guren tells her. “If you really want to sleep in my bed.”
She opens her mouth to protest, then stops, thinking.
Well, if she can’t sleep with him, she supposes it’s the next best thing.
“Okay,” Mahiru agrees. “What kind of stuff do you do in your bed, Guren?”
“Mahiru!” Shinya exclaims, appalled.
“Why don’t you guess?” Guren suggests.
“You—”
“That’s enough,” Shinya snaps. “Come on, Mahiru. Let’s let Guren sleep here.”
Sakae has been allowing it all to unfold before him, remaining respectfully
quiet, but Mahiru suddenly feels rather bad, thinking about him hearing the
things she just said.
“I’m sorry,” she says to him. “I’m, uh—I’m drunk.”
“I know,” he assures her. “Go sleep it off, Mahiru. You know you’re always
welcome here when you need a place.”
Her cheeks sting slightly, but she nods. “I—I know. Thanks. Good night.”
“Good night,” Sakae tells her, but as she stands and tries to make her way past
Sakae and Guren, Guren makes a grab for her wrist, pulling her close.
He leans down, breath warm against her ear, and whispers, “I was thinking of
you.”
Her stomach twists. “I know,” she tells him. “Next time, let me—”
Shinya grabs her other wrist roughly, giving it a firm tug, and she stumbles
out of Guren’s grip, almost falling in the process. Shinya reaches for her hip,
steadying her, and then leads her away to Guren’s room.
As they leave, Mahiru hears Yuu ask, “What was that all about?”
“Best not to question it,” Sakae tells him mildly, and then the rest of the
conversation is cut off as Shinya pushes Mahiru into Guren’s room and closes
the door tightly behind them.
“Are you going to ravish me, Shinya?” she jokes, moving to sit down on Guren’s
bed.
“Jesus,” Shinya mutters. “No, of course not. Let me find you some clothes to
wear.”
They’ve all been friends so long that these sorts of things aren’t unusual.
They know where everything in one another’s homes is, and they consistently
take it when needed, no questions asked. That’s just how the function.
Well, usually.
“Hey, Shinya.”
He turns around, one of Guren’s old T-shirts in his hands. “Yeah?”
“Do you think things will be different now?”
Shinya sighs, stepping closer and offering the shirt out to her. “Well, maybe,”
he says. “I mean, there’s no doubt you and Guren are attracted to each other.”
“I don’t want to date him,” Mahiru denies. “Fuck him, sure, but… Wait, Shinya.
What about you?”
“You’re drunk,” he says weakly.
“It’s wearing off.”
“You’re still drunk.”
“That’s not an answer, anyway.”
They stare at each other a moment, and then Mahiru sighs and takes off her
shirt. She considers Shinya for a moment, and then unclasps her bra, too,
watching as Shinya flushes and hastily looks away from her.
She takes her time in taking the clothing off, never letting her eyes wander
away from Shinya, and then pulls Guren’s shirt over her head, trying to make a
real show of it.
But Shinya doesn’t do anything more than steal the occasional glance.
Once the shirt is on, Shinya says, “I’ll let you stay here on your own, then.”
“What?”
“Well, I figured you would want some privacy,” he says. “And, anyway, you’ll
probably be better off than Guren, anyway, right? It might be better for me to
sleep near him.”
Yeah, she’s wet, but that doesn’t mean she—
But…
She shakes her head, throwing the thought away. “Ugh, Shinya, I’m not gonna
touch myself in Guren’s bed.”
“Either way,” he says, holding his hands up defensively. “I’ll sleep in the
sitting room or something. Good night, Mahiru.”
Before she can get another word in, Shinya leaves the room, closing the door
softly behind him.
And as he leaves, Mahiru realizes that he never answered her question.
“Goddammit,” she mutters to the room.
It offers no response.
She sighs, then stands up and pulls her pants off before crawling into Guren’s
bed.
She stares up at the ceiling, the alcohol’s influence slowly but surely fading
away.
What the hell is she supposed to do now?
===============================================================================
When Mahiru wakes up, she takes a long moment to remember what happened through
her pounding head.
And then she immediately wishes she could forget.
“Fuck,” she mutters, then winces as the word resounds painfully in her head.
Well, even if it’ll be embarrassing to face, like, every other person in this
house, she doesn’t think she’ll last long hiding out in here without
painkillers. Not to mention, Guren will need to come to his room eventually,
too, to get dressed.
“Fuck,” she says again.
The ceiling stares back at her, offering no comfort whatsoever.
She finally gives up, kicking the blankets off of her. She’ll come back and
make the bed once she’s taken some drugs, she reasons with herself.
She grabs her pants from the floor, and her bra, and dresses slowly, dreading
the moment she has to step foot out of this room.
But it comes too soon.
She takes a deep breath, steeling herself, then steps outside, and is
immediately assaulted by the noise of retching.
Concerned, she follows it to the bathroom, where she sees Guren leaned over the
toilet, Shinya standing behind him, a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Shinya turns as he hears her approach.
“Hey,” he says. “Feeling all right?”
“Ah, my head hurts a bit, but I’m fine.” She swallows. “Better than he is, at
least.”
The sound comes to a stop, and then Guren sits back, breathing hard. Shinya
turns away from Mahiru and then wets a towel and helps Guren wipe his face off.
“Better?” he asks, taking the used cloth between two fingers carefully and
dropping it in the sink.
“Yeah,” Guren mutters. “I’m a fucking idiot.”
“I’m sure you’re not the only one with regrets,” Shinya assures him, shooting
Mahiru a significant look.
“W-who said anything about regrets?” she demands.
“You don’t have any?”
Does she?
She just turns away, scowling. “Whatever. Let’s find some drugs. My head is
killing me.”
She doesn't look to see if they’re following, but as she comes into the
kitchen, Guren follows closely behind her, then seats himself at the table
heavily.
“Sit down,” Shinya tells her. “I’ll find something for you guys.”
She heeds his words, then turns to Guren in concern.
“Are you okay?” she asks.
“Peachy,” he mutters.
“I—I’m sorry,” she says quickly. “About last night. I—”
“Can we discuss this later?” he asks quietly. “I know we need to, but at least
let’s wait until we’re not hungover.”
He has a point, but she still purses her lips in irritation as she looks away
from him.
Shinya returns with a bottle of pills and two glasses of water, which he places
between Guren and Mahiru.
Mahiru is quick to take the pills, but Guren seems content to just sip on his
water for a little bit.
Once they’ve both done what they need to, Shinya sits across from them,
watching carefully.
“I’m sorry,” Mahiru says again.
“Are you apologizing to me?” Shinya asks.
She nods.
“Why?”
“I didn’t—”
“Mahiru,” Guren says sharply. “I already said—”
“But I—”
“I don’t care.”
To her mortification, Mahiru feels her eyes stinging. She blinks fiercely, but
the tears don’t go away. Instead, they seem to gather faster and thicker, until
she can’t keep them from falling anymore.
“Shit,” Guren mutters. “No, Mahiru, I didn’t…”
“Guren’s right, though,” Shinya says. “We’ll talk about it later. I’m sure you
both need time to understand things.”
At this moment, footsteps approach from the other side of the table, and Mahiru
hastens to wipe her tears, but her effort is fruitless. They just keep coming,
hot and fast, leaving her chest pained and her throat searing.
“No need to worry about me,” Sakae says. “I’ll just make some tea and then
leave you to it.”
“Dad—”
“I was your age, once, too,” Sakae says mildly, preparing a kettle. “I just
wouldn’t want to feel like there’s anything you can’t talk about. This is your
home, after all. That applies to all three of you,” he adds. “Would you like
some tea?”
“Yes, please,” Shinya says.
“Guren? Mahiru?”
Mahiru simply nods, still overwhelmed by her tears, and Guren sighs.
“Sure,” he says. “You don’t have to do that, though.”
“You probably need it,” Sakae says. “Don’t mind me. I’ll be out of here soon
enough.”
But, as embarrassing as it is, Mahiru is rather thankful that Sakae is here.
After all, with his presence, silence creeps around them, giving her the
opportunity to breathe and force her tears back.
By the time he’s finished, delivering three cups of tea to the table and then
taking two more and heading over to the next room, Mahiru has managed to calm
herself almost entirely, and she focusses on the tea in front of her.
Once Sakae is out of earshot, Guren says, “Was it really...a bad thing?”
Mahiru stares at her tea, heart leaping in her chest.
“I don’t know,” Shinya says, leaning forward slightly. “Was it?”
“Shinya,” Mahiru says quietly.
“Yes?”
“Will you answer my question?”
He freezes.
Blinks.
Laughs, a touch nervously.
“You remember that?” he asks.
“Well, yeah.” Mahiru takes a deep breath, then looks up to meet his eyes. His
beautiful blue eyes. “It was all I could think about before I went to sleep.
And, no, I didn’t do anything in Guren’s bed, so don’t even ask.”
Shinya laughs lightly. “I wasn’t going to ask you,” he assures, but Guren is
looking at her with wide eyes.
“Excuse me?”
“Shinya thought I was going to fuck myself in your bed,” Mahiru explains.
“I—I didn’t!”
“You totally did,” Mahiru argues.
Shinya’s cheeks are a little red, Mahiru notes.
“But you didn’t?” Guren asks.
“I didn’t,” Mahiru says. “I—er, well, I definitely thought about it, but I
figured it might’ve been messy, so, you know…”
They both look a little tense, she thinks.
Her cheeks sting. “B-but, that’s not important. I’m not the one who actually
did jack off to the other, here.”
Guren’s cheeks redden. A lot.
“Th-that’s—” He coughs. “Well, what else was I supposed to do? It’s not like I
wanted to be walking around with a fucking boner, Mahiru.”
“W-well, still. It doesn’t change the fact that you masturbated to me.”
Guren looks away from her, scowling. “It’s not like it was the first time,” he
mutters.
Mahiru, who has just picked up her teacup, drops it in shock. It doesn’t fall
very far, not breaking but still spilling slightly.
All three of them ignore it.
“Really?” Mahiru asks.
“Why would I lie about that?” Guren’s voice is high with embarrassment. “Of
course I have. You’re hot, Mahiru.”
Mahiru wonders at how this conversation is unfolding. She prays that Sakae and
Yuu can’t hear a word of it, but knows that Sakae is probably doing everything
he can to respect their privacy. That’s just the kind of person he is, has
always been.
“Well, I’m sure Shinya agrees with me,” Guren continues. “I—I mean—”
“Are you asking me if I’ve masturbated to Mahiru?” Shinya asks, incredulous.
“M-maybe,” Guren says. “Have you?”
Shinya picks up his tea and drinks.
Guren and Mahiru stare at him, waiting.
Waiting.
Finally, he sets the cup down.
“Yeah,” he says. “And you. And, Mahiru—to answer your question, yes, I’m
attracted to you both. And, yes, I agree that I don’t want to date either of
you, too. I wish—”
He stops.
Mahiru are Guren continue to stare, open-mouthed.
“I wish,” he says again, “that I had let you kiss me last night.”
Mahiru blinks.
“Jesus,” Guren mutters.
“We’re just, you know, sexually frustrated,” Shinya offers. “And you’re both
pretty sexy, for the record.”
Mahiru hums, thinking. “But...it’s not like we need to date to have sex,” she
points out.
“I don’t think you can fuck platonically,” Guren says weakly.
Mahiru rolls her eyes. “That’s not what I meant. Like, friends with benefits.
We don’t change anything, but if you need someone to fuck, then…”
“It’s not like there’d be romance,” Shinya says. “Friends can screw friends
without it being romantic.”
“It’s the society we live in,” Mahiru agrees. “And, anyway, boyfriends are
overrated.”
“True,” Shinya says.
“I don’t know,” Guren says uncertainly. “I mean…”
“Do you want to fuck me?” Mahiru asks.
“Well, yeah, but—”
“What about Shinya?”
“Yes, but—”
“Then, if we’re letting you, no-strings-attached, what’s the problem?”
“There isn’t one, I guess.”
Mahiru frowns at him.
“Is it because you’re inexperienced?” Shinya asks. “That’s okay, you know. It’s
not like Mahiru and I have had a lot of sex.” He glances at Mahiru. “Right?”
“Define ‘a lot.’”
“Like, more than a couple times?”
“I’ve had a lot of sex,” she decides.
“When have you had time for that?” Guren asks.
“During school?”
“What?!”
She laughs. “Kidding, kidding. Well, kind of. I’ve skipped a couple times to
get some action. Not like my dad cares about my attendance, anyway, and my
grades are fine.”
“Really? I didn’t know that.”
“I did,” Shinya says quietly. “I saw your texts once.”
“You stalker,” Mahiru teases.
“It was an accident,” he protests.
“Well, either way…” Guren sighs. “It doesn’t change the fact that I’m the only
one of us that hasn’t had sex.”
“I don't care,” Mahiru tells him. “It’s not like we were never in your place.
And who better to help you learn than your best friends, right?”
Still, he looks hesitant.
“It’s your choice, though,” Shinya tells him. “You can think about it a bit, if
you want to.”
“Y-yeah, maybe I should…”
“Okay,” Mahiru says. “Well, you know, I should probably be getting home,
anyway. Homework doesn’t wait for anybody, you know.”
Shinya grimaces. “Don’t remind me. I was just going to not do it.”
“I already did mine,” Guren says dismissively. “Do you need a ride home?”
“Nah, we’ll be fine,” Shinya says. “Come on, Mahiru. Let’s get out of here.
We’ll see you tomorrow, Guren.”
“Yeah,” Guren says heavily. “See you tomorrow.”
Shinya and Mahiru stand, then make their way out of the kitchen. As they pass
by the sitting room, Mahiru notes that the television is turned up very loudly,
and Sakae is saying something to an irritated-looking Yuu.
As he sees them, though, he looks up and asks, “Are you going?”
“Yeah,” Shinya says. “Wouldn’t want to worry our families.”
“Finally,” Yuu says, huffing. “I’m starving.”
“Be kind, Yuu,” Sakae says. “They had their reasons. Well, we’ll see you soon,
I’m sure. Have a good day.”
“You too,” they say, making their way to the door and hurrying out of the
house.
Once they’re outside, Mahiru says, “So, I fucked things up pretty good, huh?”
Shinya just laughs, though. “Or made them better,” he says. “We’ll just have to
wait and see.”
===============================================================================
It is that night when Guren calls Mahiru.
“Hello?”
“Oneechan,” Shinoa calls at the door to her room, “can you come help me?”
She lifts a finger, telling Shinoa to be patient, and the girl huffs at her.
“Mahiru, I’m freaking out.”
“Why?”
“Well, first, my dad just asked me if we had sex, which was really weird, and
then he gave me a long, in-depth talk about safe sex, even though I told him we
didn’t, but the whole time all I could think about was that I wish we had,
because even if we didn’t have any protection, I really wanted to fuck you last
night.”
Mahiru inhales sharply. “Y-yeah?”
“Yes, fuck, and I still do.”
“Uh-huh.”
“But I love you, like, as my best friend.”
“Uh-huh.”
“But every time I remember you making out with me, I feel like…”
“Like?”
“Like, hard, you know?”
“Like, turned on?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Like, super turned on.”
“Are you trying to turn me on?”
“No! No, God, no. Mahiru, I just want to know what to do.”
She straightens up. “I can’t tell you that, Guren. You have to choose what you
want.”
“How do I know what I really want?”
“Oneechan,” Shinoa whines.
“Ugh, just a second.” She pulls the phone away from her ear, frowning at
Shinoa. “What so you need?”
“I’m trying to bake cookies,” Shinoa explains.
“What? Why?”
“To give to Micchan,” she explains.
“Why?”
“Because she can’t bake, duh.”
“Neither can you, Shinoa.”
“But if she thinks I can, then she’ll totally be in my debt,” Shinoa says.
“You’ll help me, right? I asked Kureto-niisan, but he told me to fuck off.”
“Don’t say that word,” Mahiru says tiredly. “Yeah, I’ll help you. Just a
second.”
Shinoa beams, then turns away, making her way to the kitchen.
Mahiru brings the phone back to ear, but stands and follows her sister.
“Okay, well, I can’t tell you what you want,” she tells Guren. “If you don’t
want this, Shinya and I aren’t going to care. Sexual attraction isn’t the focus
of any relationship, anyway. We’re always going to be able to find other people
we want to screw, anyway.”
She comes to the kitchen, watching as Shinoa starts moving around to gather up
ingredients.
Guren is very quiet on the other side of the phone.
“Oneechan, what am I missing?”
“Salt,” she says.
Shinoa nods, then hurries to get that, too.
Finally, Guren says, “That makes me feel annoyed.”
“Huh?”
“I don’t want you to fuck other people.”
Mahiru sits down at the table, crossing her legs. “Y-yeah?”
“Shinya—yeah, of course. But, well, I’d hope you’d at least let me watch, or
let me—I don’t know, take him from behind at the same time.”
Mahiru’s hands feel very sweaty. She suddenly wonders if Shinoa has already
turned on the oven.
“That would be pretty hot,” she chokes out.
Guren sighs. “Maybe we should try it someday, then,” he mutters.
Mahiru squeezes her legs together more tightly. “F-for fuck’s sake, Guren.”
“What?”
“I’m trying to bake with my sister. Little, eight-year-old sister.”
“I’m not doing anything!”
“Oneechan, hurry up!”
“You are,” she argues, getting to her feet and coming to join Shinoa in the
kitchen. “Maybe you’re not doing it on purpose, but you are doing it.”
“Doing what?”
Mahiru glances at Shinoa, then hisses into the phone, “Making me wet, you
fucking asshole.”
“Oh,” he says faintly.
“Do you like that?” she asks. “Does that make you feel good?”
“Y-yeah, it does.”
“Good,” Mahiru says. “Fuck you. Good-bye.”
She hangs up before he can say another word.
“Who was that?” Shinoa asks, pulling a cookie sheet out of one of the
cupboards.
“Guren.”
“Do you normally talk to him like that?”
“Only when he needs to hear it.”
Shinoa laughs. “That’s abusive, Oneechan.”
Mahiru rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, if you say so. What kind of cookies are you
making?”
Shinoa holds out a piece of paper to her, where she has printed out an online
recipe.
Mahiru looks it over quickly, then nods and begins directing Shinoa on what to
do.
They safely manage to get the cookies into the oven, and then they sit at the
table together and wait.
“Why didn’t you come home yesterday, anyway?” Shinoa inquires. “Kureto-niisan
told me I shouldn’t worry, but Seishiro-niisan said you were probably getting
fucked, so—”
“He said that?”
“Yeah.”
“What a dick.”
“Yeah.”
“But I wasn’t,” Mahiru assures her. “I just spent the night at Guren’s. It was
late. I drank a bit too much. It’s probably for the best that I didn’t come
back. You were probably asleep, anyway.”
Shinoa shakes her head. “We were playing Monopoly,” she explains. “Seishiro-
niisan called me a snake, but Kureto-niisan just told me I’d make one hell of a
businesswoman.”
“Who gave you such a foul mouth?” Mahiru teases.
The oven dings, suddenly, and Shinoa hops to feet.
“Need help?” Mahiru asks.
“Nope!”
So, Mahiru leaves her to it.
As she watches, though, her phone rings again.
This time, it’s Shinya.
“Hello?”
“Did you talk to Guren?” he asks her, sounding somewhat breathless.
“Yeah.”
“He made up his mind, huh?”
“Shinya?”
“Yes?”
“Why do you sound so…?”
“Oh.” He exhales shakily. “N-no reason, really.”
“Shinya.”
“It’s just—ugh, he’s going to do this all the time, isn’t he?”
“Do what?”
“Turn us on and then leave us hanging.”
Mahiru is quiet for a moment, and then she lets out a snort of laughter. “He
did that to you, too?”
“Yeah. A-anyway, I just wanted to know if you talked to him.”
“Hey, maybe we should, like, team up on him,” Mahiru suggests brightly.
“Oneechan.”
“What do you mean?”
Mahiru turns to look at Shinoa, who holds a sheet of overbaked cookies in her
gloved hands, looking rather depressed.
“Oh, shit.”
“Mahiru?”
“Uh, just a second.”
She stands, coming to Shinoa’s side and looking at the cookies, chest tight.
“What did we do wrong?” she wonders.
“I don’t know.” Shinoa sighs, dropping the sheet on the counter. “Micchan’s
gonna be disappointed.”
“It’s not your fault,” Mahiru tells her firmly. “And, anyway, you shouldn’t be
pretending to be something you’re not, ever, for anybody. You’re great just as
you are, Shinoa.”
Shinoa frowns. “Though, I really ought to learn how to cook.”
“Leave that to Kureto-niisan,” Mahiru tells her. “Unless you want to learn,
there’s no point.”
“But—”
“But nothing,” Mahiru says. “It’s getting pretty late, anyway. Go brush your
teeth and stuff, okay? I’ll clean this up.”
Shinoa looks like she wants to argue, but stops and nods before scurrying away.
“Inspiring,” Shinya says dryly.
“Ha-ha, you dick. So, what did Guren say to you, anyway?”
“He said he wants to fuck me,” Shinya relays. “And he wants to see me come all
over you.”
“That sounds nice.”
“I got to imagining it, and I totally agree.”
Mahiru rolls her eyes, then starts cleaning up Shinoa’s baking mess.
“And now you have a huge fucking boner, right?”
“I might,” he allows. “What were you saying before? About teaming up on Guren?”
“Oh.” She drops the cookie sheet in the sink, then starts running water over
it. “I just think we should give him a run for his money. You know, he said it
himself...he’s the inexperienced one. He’s all bark, no bite.”
“That’s mean, Mahiru.”
“But it’s probably true,” she points. “Think of it like one of those arcade
games we love so much. Someone has to win, right?”
“Is it really a competition?”
“I think it might be,” she says. “But, hey, if you want to go deal with your
little problem, be my guest. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
He seems to hesitate for a moment, but then he agrees, saying good-bye and
hanging up on her.
As she cleans up the kitchen, she begins to plot her revenge.
Tomorrow, she thinks to herself. She’ll make Guren regret it tomorrow.
===============================================================================
Guren’s house has always been something of a safe haven for Mahiru and Shinya.
An escape from their own houses, their own families, their own awful realities.
Mahiru has never doubted that she is safe in Guren’s house.
Except, right now, she’s not too sure.
They’re in Guren’s room, and Shinya is sprawled out on the floor. He said he
was going to do homework, but Mahiru knows him better than that. She can’t be
too bothered, though, because her focus right now is on Guren.
“Did you know,” Shinya says, “that cats make ten times as many different sounds
than dogs?”
Mahiru is sat behind Guren, hands under his shirt and brushing over his chest.
Her chest is pushed against his back, and her legs are spread around him, so
her crotch is pressed firmly against the top of his ass.
“That’s very interesting,” she says. “Don’t you agree, Guren?”
Guren hums noncommittally.
“What was that?” Mahiru asks innocently, dragging one hand up to tug at one of
his nipples.
He jerks up, then manages, “Y-yes, super interesting.”
“Are you having fun, Guren?” Shinya teases.
“Are you jealous?”
Shinya laughs. “Nope,” he says. “I’m doing homework, see.”
“Guren,” Mahiru says, “do you remember what you said to me yesterday?”
“About what?” Guren asks, voice high and breathy.
Hot.
“You want Shinya to fuck me,” she reminds him, “while you take him from
behind.”
“And see me come all over her,” Shinya puts in. “But that implies you’re
thinking about have sex without a condom. You’re so bad, Guren.”
“It’s okay,” Mahiru whispers in his ear. “I’m on birth control.”
“Really?”
Mahiru hums. “My dad always says he doesn’t care what I do as long as I’m not
disgracing the family. So, no teen pregnancies.”
Mahiru pinches his hard nipple, then twists.
He gasps, his entire body jerking with it.
“But condoms have other uses,” Shinya reminds her. “Wouldn’t want any
diseases.”
“I don’t have any diseases,” Mahiru says easily.
“You sound pretty confident.”
Well, it’s not like she’s ever had unprotected sex.
“Hey, Guren.”
“Yes?”
“Do you know what you made me do last night?”
His breath catches.
“I thought about our phone call,” Mahiru continues. “About your voice when you
were saying those filthy things to me. And then I thought of Shinya. And I
thought of those filthy things you said to him. With all this one my mind, I
closed my eyes, and I thought about what you two were doing. I thought about
your hands over you thick cock, pumping it and moaning my name. And then I
stuck one finger inside my wet pussy—just one, mind you—and I slowly stroked
myself.”
Her hands fall down to Guren’s crotch, pressing into his slowly-growing
erection.
“And then I thought about Shinya doing the same thing, and I added another
finger. And then do you know what I did?”
Shinya’s eyes are on them, homework and whatever else completely forgotten.
“I fucked myself,” she says quietly. “I thrust my fingers into myself until I
was choking on a scream, until my hips hurt from how much they were moving,
until my wrist started to ache, but I couldn’t stop. And then I came all over
my hand, and I decided to take a shower, to wash it all up. But when I was in
the shower, I couldn’t help but do it all again, standing up this time.”
“M-Mahiru…”
“Yes?” she asks innocently.
“Y-you’re—”
“Hey, Guren,” Shinya speaks up.
Guren takes a deep, shuddering breath. “What?”
“Do you know what I did last night?”
“N-no.”
“Well,” he says, “after we talked, I called Mahiru. But I was so hard from the
things you’d said to me already, and I couldn’t help but touch myself a little
while I talked to her. I played with my balls, imagining what it would be like
if you were doing it, instead. And once I stopped talking to Mahiru, I took two
hands to stroke myself. I moaned your name, and I thought about how hot it
would look if you fucked Mahiru, and I came without barely any work at all,
just thinking about that.”
Beneath Mahiru’s hands, she can feel Guren’s hardness pressing against her
firmly.
“Do you like that, Guren?”
He doesn’t reply for a moment, and then, meekly, he says, “Red.”
She backs off immediately.
They had discussed this earlier, when Shinya and Mahiru had first gotten here.
The boundaries to this would be very clear. If any of them ever grew
uncomfortable, they need only use the words “yellow” (for keep going, but be
ready to stop) and “red” (for stop). Shinya had been most adamant about it,
reminding them that they don’t need to rush into things, no matter how horny
any of them may feel.
“Guren’s comfort is most important to me,” he said. “And let’s not forget that,
no matter what, we’re friends before all else.”
So, Guren and Mahiru agreed, and now they’re here.
“What was it?” she asks worriedly.
“Just too fast,” he mutters.
“That’s all right,” Shinya says. “What do you want?”
Guren sighs. “I don’t know,” he says. “It just feels weird. It feels weird to
you, too, right?”
“Yes and no,” Mahiru says. “Yes, because we’re good friends, and I’ve known you
forever, but, no, because it feels really natural.”
“I agree,” Shinya says.
“W-well, but isn’t that the weird part?” Guren presses. “How easy it is?”
Mahiru frowns. “What do you mean?”
“Well, we’re just friends, right?”
“Yeah, of course,” Shinya says.
“So, why does it feel easy?”
“We’ve known each other for over a decade,” Mahiru reminds him. “I already knew
most of your dirty little secrets. Don’t you remember the first time you had a
sex dream, and you called me about it?”
“That’s so embarrassing,” Guren moans. “Don’t remind me. I was twelve, Mahiru.”
“What about when you asked me about masturbating?” Shinya points out. “You
basically asked to watch me do it, because you thought you’d somehow fuck it
up.”
“D-don’t bring that up, either!”
“We’re just saying that the naturalness isn’t as weird as you’re thinking it
is,” Shinya assures him. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. You say the word, Guren.
We’ll do whatever.”
“That’s a lot of power,” Guren says weakly.
Mahiru laughs. “Well, once you’re comfortable, we’ll start calling shots, too.”
“Won’t you do that anyway?”
“Maybe,” Mahiru allows. “But it doesn’t matter for now. Let’s work on this
homework, instead.”
“I don’t like that plan,” Shinya complains.
“It’s important,” Guren informs him. “Before we do that, though, I’m going to
use the washroom.”
Yeah, right.
But Mahiru says nothing as he stands, and Shinya doesn’t speak a work, either.
Once he’s gone, however, Shinya turns to Mahiru and says, “Are you thinking
what I’m thinking?”
“Definitely,” she says, and they both scramble to their feet, trying to be
quiet as they follow Guren’s trail out of the room.
They make their way to the bathroom, and both lean in close to the closed door,
listening hard.
And—
Yes, there it is.
Soft and muffled by the door, but beautiful, nonetheless. Gentle moans and
groans, deep and heavy despite their quietness.
Mahiru shares a delighted grin with Shinya.
She hears the footsteps behind her too late.
“What are you doing?” Yuu asks.
Mahiru jumps, and accidentally bangs her elbow against the bathroom door, while
Shinya lets out a low curse.
“N-nothing,” Mahiru squeaks. “We’re just keeping watch!”
Yuu stares at her, dubious.
“Actually,” Shinya says, letting out a short cough. “We were hoping we would
find you here.”
“Huh?”
Mahiru snaps her fingers. “R-right! We have a surprise for you.”
“What?”
“Shinoa-chan made cookies!” Shinya cries. “And she wanted to share them with
you.”
“I thought she made those for Mitsuba,” Yuu says suspiciously.
“Yes, but she had extras!” Mahiru says. “And she felt bad only giving them to
you, so she gave them to me to give to you.”
“That’s confusing.”
“It’s not, really,” Mahiru insists. “Come on, come on, let’s go get them.”
She grabs Yuu’s wrist, pulling him down the hall and towards Guren’s room. It
is true, thankfully, that she has cookies. Last night, she made certain to make
some for Shinoa, following the recipe very carefully, so that they were perfect
for the girl. The extras, she put in a bag to share with Guren and Shinya.
But, well…
If this is the only way, she supposes she can sacrifice them.
Shinya follows after them, and he keeps Yuu company at the door to Guren’s
bedroom as Mahiru digs around in her school bag for the cookies she made the
night before.
“Here,” she says, returning with a bag full of them.
Yuu’s eyes brighten.
“I thought you were pulling my leg!” he exclaims.
“Why in the world would I do that?”
“Dunno,” he says. “Thanks, Mahiru!”
He takes the cookies and runs.
Mahiru lets out a small sigh.
“Well, we totally failed,” Shinya remarks. “Guren’s gonna kill us.”
“I accept my fate,” Mahiru says. “At least it’s by the hand of someone I love.”
Shinya laughs, and Mahiru grins at him.
“Well, come on, then,” she says. “Let’s—”
But before she can finish speaking, she hears a door open loudly down the hall.
“Uh-oh,” she mutters. “We awakened a beast.”
“Don’t forget his tickle spots,” Shinya says gravely. “They could be all that
saves us.”
“Yuu!” she hears Guren roar, and then she wants to laugh, suddenly.
“Maybe we were wrong, then,” she says, snickering. “I wonder what he did this
time.”
“Must be why he was hanging around the bathroom, too,” Shinya muses. “Must’ve
been a good one this time.”
“Let’s go find out,” Mahiru suggests, leading Shinya away from Guren’s room and
in the direction of the kitchen, where it seems the action is taking place.
Yuu is sat at the table, gleefully snacking on a cookie, while Guren stands
before him, glowering.
“What is wrong with you?” Guren demands.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Yuu says.
“The soap.”
“What about it?”
“It’s toothpaste.”
“That’s not right.”
“You little—”
“I thought you liked mint!” Yuu protests. “Why wouldn’t you want your hands to
smell like it?”
“I don’t like mint.”
“Really?” Yuu thinks about it for a second, and then realization dawns on his
face. “Oh, right. Shinya likes mint. Still, you want your hands to smell like
it, right? To impress him?”
Mahiru chokes on a laugh, and Guren shoots her a withering glare.
“C’mon, Guren,” Shinya says, the ghost of a laugh of his face. “Leave the kid
be. He’s just doing his best for you.”
Guren opens his mouth to speak, but Mahiru cuts him off with a, “And, anyway,
getting mad is useless. We’re wasting time here! We have lots of homework, you
know.”
Guren sighs in defeat, taking a step back.
“Don’t think I’m done with you, brat,” he says threateningly.
Yuu scoffs. “As if I’d be scared of you.”
Guren turns on his heel, approaching Shinya and Mahiru. As they make their way
back to his room, he says, under his breath, “I know you two were outside the
door, for the record.”
“What are you going to do about it?” Mahiru asks, teasing, stepping into
Guren’s room and closing the door behind her. “Punish us?”
Guren laughs, taking a step closer to her. “Maybe,” he says. “I’m sure you’d
like that, though, right?”
“I prefer to do the punishing myself,” she tells him smoothly.
“You can punish me,” Shinya jokes.
They both turn to face him instantly.
“That a challenge?” Mahiru asks lowly.
“It might be.”
Mahiru grins wickedly. “Great,” she says. “I’m going to hold you to that, you
know.”
“Right now?”
“Nope,” she chirps. “Your first punishment is doing your homework, all of it,
not half-assed. Maybe I’ll reward you for it later.”
Shinya laughs. “You’re a real bitch, Mahiru.”
“We knew that already,” Guren mutters, but he is digging his homework out,
ready to start.
And the rest of the afternoon, that’s what they do. Regardless of everything
else, they are friends, the same as they ever were.
...Right?
===============================================================================
“You’re approaching this too logically,” Mahiru says.
It has been almost an entire month since they decided to enter this
relationship, and she can confidently say that they haven’t really changed.
Yeah, they make out sometimes. In fact, she and Shinya have gone even farther
than that (they may or may not have not-so-accidentally fucked on Guren’s bed a
few times, with the full intention of him walking in on them). But at the end
of the day, Guren is still rather anxious about it all, and Mahiru understands,
of course she does, but she still wants to get him out of his own head.
Now, though, they’re at the arcade.
The one which they have grown up going to at least once a week, and still
maintain that tradition.
“Honestly, Mahiru, I don’t think I am.”
It’s rather busy today, but Mahiru can’t bring herself to care as she positions
herself behind Guren, and then makes a grab for his hands from around his
waist.
“I’m great at this game,” she boasts. “Just trust me.”
He sighs, but relents, allowing her to lead his hands.
He finishes much more successful than he has yet today.
“I don’t understand,” he complains. “You’re a cheater.”
“She’s just talented,” Shinya says, as Mahiru pulls away from Guren. “We’ve
been here for a while, though, you know. I’m starting to get hungry.”
Mahiru fishes her phone from her pocket, squinting at the time. It’s nearing
dinner time, and they promised Sakae they would be back in time to eat the meal
there with he and Yuu.
“Yeah, all right,” she agrees. “Let’s get going, then.”
It’s not a long trip, thankfully, and they make it back within the hour,
welcomed by the tantalizing scent of Sakae’s cooking.
Mahiru has always found the Ichinoses’ home to feel so much warmer than hers.
Their family is a little unconventional, sure, but they’re still functional,
and it’s a huge step up from her own family. Guren’s mother passed away sixteen
years ago. After a complicated pregnancy, she couldn’t make it through the
strain of childbirth. Sakae went on the raise Guren, and once Guren was just
about thirteen, they welcomed Yuu into their home, a disobedient foster kid,
eventually turned loving adopted son. Mahiru often wonders if she and Shinya’s
involvement in Sakae and Guren’s lives were what inspired Sakae to adopt Yuu,
but neither he nor Guren have ever said anything of the sort.
Still, it seems probable.
As kids, Mahiru and Shinya were both relatively closed off people, to everyone
other than each other and Guren. Mahiru has grown up, essentially raising
herself and two younger siblings, in a large, empty home. She sees the pictures
on the walls of her father more than she sees the man himself, and, even when
she does see him, he does nothing but reprimand her for things she hasn’t even
done. Shinya, on the other hand, has grown up alongside an alcoholic of a
father, a cult-going mother, and a little brother, who he vowed to protect from
the things he was forced to go through during his own childhood.
Mika and Shinoa are Yuu’s friends, mostly thanks to Shinya, Mahiru, and Guren
being so close, but Mahiru’s glad that they are. Growing up, Guren’s home
was—and still is, even as a teenager—one of Mahiru’s favourite places in the
world, if not the favourite place. She knows Shinya has felt much the same, and
she’s certain that they’re both grateful that their younger siblings have that,
too.
They eat dinner mostly in silence, save for the odd question about their
respective days, and then, once they’ve cleaned everything up, Sakae informs
them that he has to take Yuu to an appointment.
“A doctor’s appointment,” Guren explains to them once Sakae is gone. “A long
overdue annual check up.”
“So, we’re just...here all alone?”
“Yeah, for an hour or so, maybe.”
Mahiru and Shinya share a quick glance, then both turn to Guren, grinning.
“You know, I was feeling a little frustrated, seeing Mahiru leaned over your
hot body like that in the arcade,” Shinya remarks. “It was super sexy.”
“Was it?”
“Definitely,” Shinya says. “Want to recreate the scene for me?”
Mahiru laughs. “Oh, you mean, like…” She makes her way around Guren,
positioning herself behind him. This time, though, rather than reaching for his
hands, she presses her palm against his crotch. “Like this, Shinya?”
Shinya hums appreciatively. “Sure,” he says. “Just like that.”
“What are you doing, Mahiru?”
Mahiru pushes her hand against Guren. Hard.
He gasps, back arching into her slightly, and Mahiru doesn’t need to see
Shinya’s face to know what his reaction is.
“What are you thinking, Guren?” she asks softly. “Thinking you want to fuck
me?”
“Y-yes,” he says. “Yes.”
“Actually?”
“Yes.”
Mahiru takes a step back from him, pulling her arms back with her, and he
whirls to face her, eyes filled with dark lust.
“Let’s take it to the bedroom, then,” she says cheerfully, and leads the way
before he can get in another word.
She seats herself on Guren’s bed, watching as the boys enter after her. Shinya
closes the door behind them, but Guren comes to stand in front of Mahiru. They
simply look at each other for a moment, eyes searching eyes, and then he leans
down and kisses her with a passion she doesn’t think he ever has before.
As they kiss, Mahiru feels Shinya sit down beside them. He says nothing, does
nothing, but there is no doubt that he’s looking.
Mahiru brings her hands beneath Guren’s shirt, touching every inch of his skin
that she can, and then he pulls away from her slightly, and, to her amazement,
reaches down and pulls the article off himself.
Shinya whistles, but Mahiru has no time to do anything of the sort before she
and Guren are locking lips again.
As they make out, more and more clothes come off, until they’re both left in
just their respective underwear. Guren’s erection presses against the fabric of
his remaining clothing, and Mahiru stares at it, feeling quite wet already.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Guren?” Shinya asks. “I mean, if you don’t
want to fuck her, just say the word.”
“I’m fine,” Guren assures him.
“You know what to do, right?” Mahiru presses. “You can’t fuck me until I’m wet
enough, or it’ll hurt me, and we really ought to use a condom, too, if you have
one.”
Guren nods, but something in his eyes has shifted oddly, going from determined
to hesitant.
Mahiru’s going to assume this is a “yellow.”
“Look, it’s nothing to be nervous about,” she says. “It’s pretty simple,
really. Here…” She moves slightly, lifting her hips awkwardly so she can get
her panties off. She drops them on the floor, then looks up to Guren again. “Is
this okay?”
He is quiet for a moment, and then he nods. “Fine,” he says tightly.
“Are you sure?” Shinya asks.
“Positive.”
“You don’t sound sure.”
“You’re just thinking too logically again,” Mahiru speaks up softly. “Sex isn’t
about being logical. It’s about your feelings. Come here.”
She leans back slightly, and, though he pauses for a moment, uncertain, he
leans with her. Holding herself up with one elbow, she raises one hand to reach
for Guren’s.
He allows her to lead his hand down to her crotch, and his fingers brush over
her skin lightly.
“You can touch me,” she encourages, bringing her own hand away. “Feel around,
finger me—whatever you want. You do what you’re comfortable with, for now.”
He nods, then focusses his attention on his hand. His touches are gentle at
first, hardly even touches at all, and then he progressively relaxes with it,
until he is stroking along her folds, teasing between them with one finger.
“That’s right,” Mahiru says, voice breathy. “You’re making me so wet, Guren.
Won’t you put something inside me?”
He pushes into her instantly, and the surprise of it tears a loud cry from her
throat.
Suddenly, she’s very glad that there’s nobody else in the house at this moment.
“Mahiru?” Guren frets. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” she hisses. “God—fuck, do it harder, Guren. Fuck me.”
He stares at her, and Shinya laughs.
“Don’t worry, Guren,” he says. “She would be making very different noises if
she didn’t enjoy it.”
“R-right,” Guren mutters, and he gets back to it.
It’s clear he has no idea what he’s doing. Mahiru figures that, of all of them,
Guren is the least likely to be well-read (or well-watched, maybe) when it
comes to sex. He definitely understands it biologically, but she somehow doubts
he would activelysearch up pornography. Then again, he is a sixteen-year-old
boy, and he certainly gets off to something.
Either way, Mahiru doesn’t mind. He still manages to make her feel good, even
if he could be making her feel better. His finger slides in and out of her
carefully, and she lets out a gasping breath each time it presses against her
sensitive walls.
“Guren,” she manages.
He stops. “What?”
“Don’t stop,” she says hurriedly. “A-and, you know, I know my fingers are
smaller than yours, but I can take more than one…”
“W-what?”
“Stick another finger up there,” Shinya advises. “And pump them. Like you’re
fucking her, but with your fingers.”
Guren heeds Shinya’s words, but it is clear that he’s still unsure.
It doesn’t matter, Mahiru decides. She can do work here, too.
The thrusting of her hips is at least half of her own volition, but it seems to
be enough to encourage Guren to keep going. As he does, Mahiru talks to him:
“I’m so wet, so wet for you,” she says, a little breathless. “I want your fat
dick inside of me, fucking me so hard I scream. Can you do that, Guren? Can you
fuck me like that?”
“You can,” Shinya tells him, when he doesn’t speak for a moment. “But only if
you want to.”
“I can,” Guren says, but he sounds less than confident.
“Safe sex,” Shinya reminds them, and leans over to Guren’s bedside drawer,
where they discovered a few weeks ago is a small stash of condoms and lube.
Guren insists he didn’t put it all there himself, though, and Mahiru honestly
wouldn’t be too surprised if that’s the truth. That’s just the kind of dad
Sakae is, after all, to do things like this behind Guren’s back. She figures,
after the night they got drunk, it’s pretty likely that Sakae knows they’ve
been fucking. Mahiru’s just glad he hasn’t said anything about it.
Mahiru watches as Shinya grabs a condom and carefully checks the packaging.
Guren is staring at him, though, unmoving, and Mahiru lets out a small laugh.
“Take your underwear off,” she tells him. “Shinya will make sure it’s on right.
Right, Shinya?”
“An excuse to touch Guren’s dick?” Shinya grins. “Of course I will.”
Guren scowls at him.
“Do you not want me to touch your dick?” Shinya asks.
“N-no, that’s not…” Guren’s flushed cheeks certainly aren’t entirely because of
the things he’s been doing to Mahiru.
“Underwear off, then,” Mahiru singsongs.
Guren takes a deep breath, then does exactly that, freeing his erection.
Mahiru stares.
She can’t help it. She sort of figured that Guren probably had a big dick, but
actually seeing it is much different than simply speculating.
Well, she supposes it’s probably okay if she stimulates herself for a moment,
while Shinya deals with Guren…
She takes a hand down and begins gently rubbing herself, fingers growing
instantly slick with her own wet. She doesn’t take her eyes off of the boys
though, and watches, enthralled, as Shinya softly runs his hands over Guren’s
length. He seems rather smug, but Mahiru supposes she can’t really blame him.
After all, if she were making Guren shudder and twitch and moan like that, just
from a few touches, she would feel the same way.
“You’re so noisy,” Shinya mutters. “It’s so hot, Guren. Don’t hold yourself
back, okay?”
Guren nods, and then Shinya pulls his hands away and reaches for the condom
again, and he and Guren carefully put it on.
Once it’s on, though, Guren hesitates again.
“You better fuck her, Guren,” Shinya pushes. “Look at her. She’s so desperate.”
“Sh-shut up,” Mahiru snaps, but she cannot deny the accusation.
Guren turns to her again, but he still looks unsure. “What about you?” he asks.
“Don’t worry about me,” Shinya dismisses. “You’re not ready for a threesome
yet. Just take it slow for now, and give me a bit of a show, yeah? I can deal
with myself.”
“Fuck me, Guren,” Mahiru says, pulling her hand away from her aching, wet cunt.
“I want you so bad. I want you to fuck me ‘til I come, screaming your name.
Make me hurt tomorrow, okay?”
Guren blinks, then nods and slowly moves to position himself above her.
Mahiru’s eyes search his body, almost as if she is seeing it for the first
time. She gives him an encouraging smile.
“Slowly,” she reminds him. “You do what you’re comfortable with. I’ll enjoy it
no matter what.”
Guren’s cock brushes against her entrance, and her hips arch up against him. He
seems to take this as encouragement, and he pushes further into her. Barely,
but it’s something, at least.
“Faster,” she tells him, breathless. “You can go faster. It doesn’t hurt.”
“I…”
“Take the pace you need to,” Shinya interjects. “You’re not doing anything
wrong.”
Mahiru feels the bed move slightly, and, from where she is, she barely makes
out Shinya standing and removing his pants.
Guren presses into her, deeper, deeper, and everything sears, so hot, so hot.
“Shinya,” she gasps, and she sees him halt to look at her.
“Yes?”
Guren pulls back, then pushes into her again. She gasps, back rising up off the
bed.
“If you’re going to do that, at least stand where I can watch,” she manages.
He lets out a snort of laughter, but moves so that she has a decent view of him
over Guren’s body.
“Better?” he asks.
Guren thrusts into her again.
“Yes,” she gasps.
Guren’s tempo eventually evens out, as he grows more confident in what he is
doing. Mahiru normally isn’t noisy, by any means, but she lets as many noises
slip as she can, now, hoping they will encourage Guren.
And it seems to do the trick, but for more than just Guren.
It’s difficult to see Shinya, given her current position, but she knows he is
watching them and, every time she manages to get a good look, she can see him
pumping himself, hands working beautifully over his erection.
This, combined with Guren’s thrusts, is enough to push her to her limits, until
she is grasping at the sheets, moaning her boys’ names as she gets closer and
closer to her climax.
But it is Guren who comes first, letting out a panting, strangled moan,
finishing with a few strong thrusts, and then pulling back, breathing hard,
skin flushed.
Mahiru can already feel herself coming down from her own pleasure. And though
she’s disappointed by it, she shakes it off quickly and helps Guren take off
and tie up the condom. Then, they both watch Shinya as he finishes himself off,
his face flushed and beaded with sweat.
There is a moment of silence, while they all work to gather themselves, and
then Mahiru reaches for one of the blankets on Guren’s bed and wraps herself up
in it tightly. She watches as Guren drops the used condom in the small waste
basket on the other side of the bed, and then climbs up on the mattress beside
her.
“Not so bad, right?” she asks, offering him a quick smile. “You did just fine.”
“Don’t say it like that,” he groans. “It’s embarrassing.”
“Don’t be embarrassed,” Shinya tells him, almost scolding. “It was hot. We
ought to do it again sometime.”
“Here,” Mahiru says, pulling the blanket up so Guren can squeeze himself under
it too. “And, Shinya’s right. It was super hot. You have such a nice dick,
Guren.”
Guren scowls.
Shinya pulls his pants back on, then comes to sit on the edge of the bed.
As he does, though, Guren says, “Did you get cum on my floor?”
Shinya laughs. “Yeah,” he says. “Hard to control where it goes, you know.”
“Ew.”
“I’ll clean it up,” Shinya assures him. “Just give me a minute.”
Mahiru lets out a small sigh, leaning against Guren.
“So?” she asks. “It was easier than you were thinking, right?”
“A bit,” he allows. “It’ll all come with practice, too, right?”
“Right,” she agrees. “We can try more stuff eventually. And it’s pretty good
practice for whenever you get a real partner, yeah?”
Guren is very quiet for a moment.
She frowns up at him. “...Right?”
“Y-yeah,” he says thickly. “That’s right.”
But she can’t help but feel like there is something he isn’t saying. Still,
mind foggy from the sex, and mind half-focussed on Shinya, who is working to
clean up any mess that they’ve made, she can come up with no solid answer.
Instead, she simply pushes the thought away, and decides that it isn’t worth
dwelling on.
After all, they’re best friends, aren’t they? If Guren has a secret, he’ll tell
them first. That’s how it’s always been.
How it always will be.
There is absolutely nothing, she reasons, to be worried about.
===============================================================================
“I’m worried about Guren.”
Mahiru looks up from her books, frowning. “What do you mean?”
They’re in the library, working on the homework they were assigned over the
weekend. Guren got up just a minute or two ago to hunt down a book he needs,
and, in his absence, Shinya has leaned over the table to whisper to her,
homework pushed aside.
“I mean, like, he seems all tense,” Shinya continues. “Every time I even touch
his shoulder, he just jumps. And he doesn’t initiate contact first, either, but
he never has a problem with sex—or, it seems like he doesn’t, anyway. Maybe he
does. Should we ask about it?”
“No, we shouldn’t.” Mahiru leans back, tapping her pencil against her open book
thoughtfully. “Like, we established our boundaries, right? If he has any
problems with it, he needs to say it. He hasn’t seemed hesitant, like, sexually
since the first few times.”
“That’s a little harsh, Mahiru.”
“But it’s his choice,” she points out. “And he initiates sex all the time. I
don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Shinya sighs. “You’re not looking at it the right way. Don’t you think he’s
being weird?”
“Sure. He’s always weird.” Mahiru rolls her eyes. “You’re overthinking it,
Shinya. Are you sure you’re not the one who’s uncomfortable?”
“Uncomfortable with fucking you?” Shinya laughs lowly. “As if.”
“You might have to prove it to me.”
“Right now?”
“Sure, if you want to.”
She says it boastfully, like a challenge.
Thankfully, the library is quite empty today. It’s Saturday afternoon, and
Mahiru suspects that everyone else has better things to be doing, enjoying one
of the last warm days of the year. It’s better for them, though, as the
quietness gives them a better chance to focus on their work.
And the emptiness gives them a better chance to focus on each other.
Shinya moves his chair, so it is right beside hers.
“Right here?” she asks, amused.
“Why not?”
Before she has time to come up with a reason, he reaches a hand down to her
thigh, brushing against it gently. The skirt of her uniform pushes up slightly,
and he pushes his fingers between her legs before pressing his thumb against
her covered cunt.
“Are you sure you’re not too much of a coward to do it in public like this?”
she asks, teasing. “Are you sure it’s really your style?”
“Maybe I just want to see you squirm.”
She grins. “Go ahead and try, then. I can take it.”
He brings his hand up slightly, dipping his finger beneath the top of her
panties. She positions herself slightly, widening her legs enough that Shinya
can comfortably bring his hand down to her pulsing heat.
As he begins to rub at her, she reaches for her pencil and awkwardly leans
slightly forward to begin working on her homework again.
“Don’t make any mistakes,” he tells her quietly.
She laughs. “I never do.”
As her wetness grows, he begins pushing one finger against her slit. She
shivers, tightening her grip on the pencil and breathing sharply through her
nose to gather herself before starting to write again.
“They don’t have it,” Guren says, annoyed, and Mahiru starts, trying not to let
out a squeak as Shinya’s finger pushes into her hard.
“That’s not good,” she says faintly, looking up to him.
He sits back down with a sigh, then pauses, shooting them an odd glance.
“Well, don’t stop on my account,” he says. “I’m just here to do my homework.”
“Stop what?” Mahiru asks innocently, and then Shinya starts moving his finger
again, and she lets out a low curse, hips twitching.
Guren just looks at her in amusement. “As if you don’t know,” he says. “Are you
actually using this? There were some questions I didn’t get.”
“Go ahead,” Mahiru says faintly, and he reaches past her to take the mostly-
finished sheet of math questions she has been working on.
“It’s too bad they didn’t have the book you were looking for,” Shinya says
conversationally. “Was it for that history thing?”
“Yeah. Apparently, the book Aoi-san said she found for it isn’t here.” Guren
squints at Mahiru’s sheet. “Hey, uh, is this a seven or a nine?”
Shinya strokes Mahiru’s walls gently, and she reaches a hand up to grip tightly
at the table.
“I don’t know,” she manages. “Can you show me?”
He does, and she attempts to lean forward to see, but the action shifts
Shinya’s finger inside of her, and a moan rises on her lips.
“Stay quiet,” Shinya reminds her softly, and she nods, biting her lip.
She looks to the paper, focussing hard, and then swallows back the noise. “Th-
that’s a seven.”
“Thanks,” Guren says, pulling the sheet back and resuming his work.
She wonders at his ability to sit beside them without even batting an eye at
their actions, but, then, she suspects that he may be used to it by now. It’s
not like they’ve never done things like this in his room while he was trying to
study. In this setting, though, it’s a lot different.
They’re tucked into the furthest corner they could find. Initially, it was just
a matter of wanting the most secluded place possible to get their homework done
in ample time. Now, Mahiru’s glad they chose this area. Because, really, as
nice as Shinya’s finger inside her is, she doesn’t really want to get them
banned from the library.
She has a feeling he won’t be able to keep it up for very long, anyway. Their
position is quite awkward, after all, and they really do need to get their work
done.
Still, he takes his time. He’s not trying to do anything but tease her, maybe,
but she doesn’t mind too much. If he leaves her hanging, she’ll just deal with
it later. For now, though…
She lets her eyes flutter shut, exhaling slowly through her nose. There is no
urgency, here; just a good feeling, more than anything, and she revels in it,
basks in it, savours every moment. She’s learned, over the past while, that
Shinya is quite talented with his fingers. He always knows exactly how to use
them to make her feel good, and there’s never any doubt that that is exactly
what he wants.
Mahiru opens her eyes again to see Guren watching them, homework untouched
beneath his hands.
As he catches her looking, though, he hastens to turn his gaze back to his
work.
“It’s okay,” she tells him, voice hitching slightly. “You can watch if you want
to. That’s the point.”
“For me to watch?”
“Yes,” Shinya says. “Watch, get turned on, suffer a bit… By the time we get
back, you’ll want to fuck us senseless.”
Mahiru sees the shudder pass down Guren’s spine.
“And what if I already do?”
Shinya grins. “Then, maybe we ought to start packing our things up, huh?”
He pulls his hand back, then wipes Mahiru’s wetness off on his own pants and
begins to organize his schoolwork, while Mahiru watches dazedly.
Guren follows his suit, passing Mahiru’s math homework back to her, and,
suddenly, they are both completely packed up, standing with their things ready
to go.
She slowly brings herself to sit up straight, then looks over each of her boys
in amusement.
“That desperate, are we?” she teases.
“Didn’t you start it?” Shinya asks her.
“Maybe,” she allows. “I can’t really remember what started it, now.” She stacks
her papers up, then places them carefully in her bag and stands to join Guren
and Shinya. “Well? Ready to get going?”
Guren leads the way, and Shinya follows right behind him. But Mahiru hesitates
a moment, suddenly trying to remember the conversation that started it all.
I’m worried about Guren.
Watching now, as Shinya steps to walk beside Guren, she thinks she sees it.
A forced aversion to touch.
In all the time they have known each other, they have always been what many,
many people over the years have informed them is “too touchy.” Guren isn’t as
physically affectionate as she and Shinya are, but, especially as they got
older, he became partial to those lingering touches, the small taps against
skin to call their attention to him, the occasional hug, the even rarer,
boredom-driven desire to play with their hair (he has confessed himself
slightly bitter, before, that Shinya and Mahiru both have softer hair than he
does, but Mahiru not-so-secretly that it’s just an excuse to play with their
hair, because, really, his is just as soft on a good day).
But as Mahiru looks at them ahead of her now, she sees a gap between them that
normally wouldn’t be there. And thinking about it a bit, she realizes that it
is not just Shinya. No, it has been weeks since Guren has initiated non-sexual
physical contact with her.
Guren glances back to look at her, frowning. “Are you coming?”
She shakes herself, then offers him a wide smile before hurrying to catch up to
them.
It doesn’t matter, she reasons. Whatever he’s thinking, or doing, or feeling,
he will tell them in time.
===============================================================================
But he doesn’t say a word.
“You think he tells me anything?” Yuu asks, incredulous. “You’re crazy.”
“How do I know you’re not lying?” Mahiru presses.
“He really doesn’t tell me anything,” Yuu insists. “Write things down, though?
Maybe. He used to keep a journal, but not anymore. Maybe he figured out that I
was sneaking into his room to read it, but it’s not like it was a big deal. It
was more of an agenda than anything that personal, anyway. I think he just used
it to keep track of how he spent his days. He’s always saying it’s important
not to waste time.”
“Do you waste time?”
“Is it a waste of time if I have fun while doing it?”
“No,” Mahiru decides. “That’s not a waste at all.”
“Guren doesn’t think so,” Yuu says mournfully. “He’s so controlling. And he
acts like I have to be good at math to get anywhere in life, but I don’t care.
I’m sure Mika will always be around to do my math homework for me.”
“I’m sure Mika loves doing your math homework.”
“He does,” Yuu insists. “He tells me every time.”
Mahiru has a suspicion that what Yuu is hearing Mika say is not really what
Mika is saying, but she chooses not to argue about it.
Instead, she says, “So, you really don’t know if anything’s on his mind?”
“I never said that.”
She lets out an exasperated sigh. “Then, what do you know?”
He considers her for a moment, then says, “You can buy my information for the
low price of ten thousand yen.”
“Low,” Mahiru echoes.
“It’s either that or nothing,” Yuu says. “Your choice.”
“How old are you, again?”
He sends her a dirty look.
She puts her hands up in defeat. “Fine, fine. Is my word that I’ll get it to
you good enough?”
“Sure,” Yuu says. “If not, I’ll just tell Guren you were prying.”
“Would he care?”
“He might,” Yuu says. “Well, see, I overheard him talking to Dad about you.”
Mahiru blinks. “What?”
Yuu nods smartly. “You and Shinya. He said, like”—he coughs, then lowers his
voice in what is seemingly an impression of Guren—“‘how do I know how they
feel?’” And Dad’s like, ‘well, you don’t,’ and he just got all annoyed and then
made tea, because that’s, you know, how you deal with feelings of frustration.”
“Was this information really worth ten thousand yen?”
“Too late now,” Yuu says, shrugging. “But, if you want to know something else,
I could tell you for an extra thousand.”
“You’re evil.”
“But you do want to know, right?”
She frowns at him.
“That a yes?”
“Fine, but I ought to tell your dad that you’re doing this kind of thing for
money.”
“I’m sure he’d support me,” Yuu says dismissively. “Anyway, like, last year,
Guren bought flowers and stuff for Valentine’s Day.”
“...Huh?”
“And then he threw them out,” Yuu continues. “Said it was a waste of money. We
didn’t question it, because he seemed all, like, embarrassed about it. Maybe a
little sad. I dunno. I’d love to say that maybe he just got rejected, but I
feel like he’s just a coward, really. Doesn’t matter. Can’t see him with a
girlfriend, anyway.”
“I see,” Mahiru says quietly.
“That’s all I’ve got,” Yuu says, “but tips would be appreciated.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right. I’m already giving you more than enough
money. What does a kid need money for, anyway?”
“You act like you’re so old.” He scowls. “It’s none of your business. Also, you
know how you asked me if I waste time?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
“This was a waste of my time. Good-bye.”
And with that, he rises and makes his way to the sitting room, where he flops
down on the couch and turns the television on.
Mahiru sighs, pressing her palm against the table.
Well, the shot was worth it, at least, but she has an uneasy feeling in her
gut, that tells her she knows exactly what’s up with Guren.
Guren and Shinya are out with Sakae at the moment, picking up takeout and a
cake, in delayed celebration of Shinya’s birthday. Mahiru would’ve gone with
them, but she figured it would be a while before she got another chance to be
alone with Yuu, so she told them she was feeling a little under the weather.
Since that day in the library, she has been unable to think of much else than
whatever it is that may or may not be on Guren’s mind. It’s been about a month,
and she’s been paying closer attention, watching everything Guren does when
he’s around she and Shinya. Shinya hasn’t said another word about it, seemingly
swayed by what Mahiru said to him that day, but Mahiru doesn’t think she was
right, anymore.
It’s not just in physical things, either. There’s a noticeable lack of
communication. He’s open to trying just about anything, with no complaints, for
one, and, for two, he hasn’t actually talked to them about things he’s thinking
or feeling, since they first actively having sex. His boundaries have gone from
incredibly clear to practically nonexistent, and yet he has put up these
emotional walls, that, for the first time in many, many years, he has trapped
Mahiru and Shinya outside of.
Well, Mahiru supposes she could be wrong, but if she’s right…
She lets out a whistling sigh.
If she’s right, then she really messed thing up.
She doesn’t know how long she sits at the table, simply mulling things over,
but she does know that by the time Sakae, Shinya, and Guren return, she has
come to no conclusive answer.
Is Guren in love with her? Is he in love with Shinya? Secretly, Mahiru thinks
they are all far too young to know what love really is, but perhaps they have
been toying with Guren’s feelings too much in all of this.
But, then, she could be reading too far into it. Mahiru can’t say Guren has
ever expressed interest in anybody in all the time she has known him. Romance
was never important for him, and, in fact, he only has four other people that
he considers friends, aside from Mahiru and Shinya.
Perhaps his feelings are not ones of infatuation, either. Maybe it’s something
different entirely. It’s completely possible that Yuu exaggerated the things he
told her, too. He is just a kid, after all…
Selfishly, she wishes to forget she ever asked.
But…
“Are you feeling any better?” Guren asks her as he enters the kitchen, and, for
a moment, she doesn’t understand what he’s asking about.
And before she can even figure it out, there are different words rising on her
lips, unstoppable in their force, and she is suddenly blurting out, “Are you in
love with me?”
Silence.
And then—
Guren drops their food on the floor.
They stare at each other for a moment, then slowly turn their eyes down at the
fallen takeout.
“Oh dear,” Shinya says faintly from behind Guren.
Sakae simply walks around them, though, and begins setting the rest of their
food on the table.
“I hope that wasn’t my food,” Yuu says as he enters, taking the seat across
from Mahiru again.
“It wasn’t,” Sakae assures him, and then they begin sorting through everything
else, completely ignoring the other three.
“Are you insane?” Guren finally asks, looking back up to Mahiru again.
She thinks about how she just promise Yuu eleven thousand yen for this, and she
thinks that, yes, maybe she is.
Instead she says, weakly, “It’s a genuine question.”
“Yeah, maybe if you’re crazy,” Guren stresses, and his voice is a little
unsteady—just a little, but Mahiru knows that, when it comes to Guren, just a
little really is quite a lot.
He’s upset.
With her.
Mahiru watches, throat dry, as Shinya carefully makes his way around them,
dropping a box that likely holds his birthday cake in it on the counter. Then,
he begins cleaning the mess between Guren and Mahiru, not even asking either of
them to help.
“You don’t have to do that,” Guren finally says.
“It’s okay,” Shinya tells him. “Just let Mahiru say whatever she needs to say,
and then we can eat—hopefully, anyway.”
It’s like something out of some weird television drama, except that Mahiru can
feel nothing but her own mortification, and Guren’s annoyance at her radiating
off of him like some kind of toxic heat.
“I just—I didn’t—you’re—”
He narrows his eyes at her. “If you have something to say, just say it.”
Shinya stands back, the mess completely cleaned up, and Yuu and Sakae talk
quietly on the other side of the table between their dinner.
“You’re acting weird!” she cries. “Like—like, you don’t even like us anymore,
unless it’s, you know, physically, which isn’t very cool, considering you’re
our favourite person in the world.”
“And you told me I was crazy,” Shinya mutters, coming to sit beside her. “That
day in the library. But, for what it’s worth,” he adds, looking up to Guren, “I
agree. You’re not very good at hiding things from us.”
He turns away to find a portion of the still-safe takeout to dish up for
himself, and Mahiru watches him, throat tight.
“That’s stupid,” Guren says, scowling. “I’m exactly the same.”
“Do you want some of this, Mahiru?”
Mahiru blinks at Shinya, then nods. “Y-yeah, please, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“I don’t understand,” Guren says, frustrated. “Having you two been talking
about this together? Without me?”
“No,” Shinya says easily, and he passes a dish to Mahiru. It’s not full, but
there’s enough there to fill her, she’s sure.
“It was just one time,” she agrees. “Like, last month.”
“We disagreed, then,” Shinya continues. “I said you were being distant. Mahiru
said I was crazy. We never said a word about love.”
“It was the only explanation I could come up with!” Mahiru says defensively.
“Why else would he pull away?”
“I’m not ‘pulling away’!”
Shinya hums. “Well, I don’t know. It sure seems like you are.”
“That makes no sense,” Guren denies.
“You make no sense,” Mahiru complains.
“Says you!”
“God, they’re noisy,” Yuu says. “Dad, when can we have cake?”
Sakae laughs. “Well, Guren needs to eat, first.”
Guren sits down on Mahiru’s other side, and Shinya puts the meager remnants of
their takeout meal on a dish for him.
They’re quiet for a moment, eating in thoughtful silence, and then Guren says,
“Seriously, what would make you think that?”
Mahiru hesitates, glancing briefly to Yuu and then back to Guren again. “Eleven
thousand yen,” she says mournfully.
“What?”
“It’s too late, Mahiru,” Yuu says, chastising. “You promised me.”
“You promised him what?” Guren demands.
“Eleven thousand yen.”
“What?”
“You don’t need to give him any money,” Sakae says mildly. “Especially not that
much.”
“Dad!” Yuu yelps.
Mahiru lets out a shaky laugh. “Not so supportive, now, is he? But it’s okay.
It was a promise, after all.”
“Are you sure you weren’t swindled?” Shinya asks teasingly.
“I definitely was,” Mahiru agrees. “But a promise is a promise, right?”
“What in the world could you possibly have done to owe him eleven thousand
yen?” Guren asks, frowning.
“Th-that’s none of your business,” Mahiru says, sniffing.
“Excuse me?”
“She was probably asking about you,” Shinya says. “Since you don’t tell us
things yourself anymore.”
Guren bristles. “What do you mean by that?”
“Just an observation,” Shinya tells him. “No aggressive intent, I swear.”
“You act like I stopped talking to completely,” Guren says, annoyed. “Nothing
changed. You’re just paranoid.”
Mahiru frowns. “Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
She exchanges a short glance with Shinya, then lets out a small sigh.
“Fine,” she says. “I’m sorry for accusing you, I guess.”
“Accusing,” Guren echoes.
“Of...you know.”
“Being in love with you.”
Mahiru’s cheeks sting. “Y-yeah.”
“Well, I think that’s resolution,” Shinya remarks. “Are we done making things
awkward now?”
Guren scowls, but Mahiru manages a small laugh.
“Yeah,” she says. “I think so.”
“Guren?”
“I wasn’t the one making things awkward to begin with.”
“So passive aggressive.”
He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, whatever. There’s nothing more to say, anyway,
right?”
Well, Mahiru isn’t so sure about that, but she has a feeling that she can’t be
the one to say so at this point.
Sakae stands, drawing their attention to him, and he offers a thin smile.
“Cake, then?” he asks, and they are all very quick to agree.
And for the rest of the evening, the conversation dies away.
===============================================================================
“Do you ever wonder it would be like to fuck here?”
Guren snorts, glancing sideways at Shinya, who he is currently playing a game
against. Mahiru leans against the wall beside them.
“No,” he says. “Are you wondering?”
“Well, yeah.” She sighs. “I’m sexually frustrated, you know.”
“I’ve thought about it,” Shinya assures her. “On days like today? When it’s
super empty? It might be fun.”
“It might be more fun with more people,” Mahiru muses. “I mean, then everyone
could hear Guren moan, right?”
Guren scowls. “Why me?”
“Well, neither of us can get a noise out quite like you can,” Shinya remarks.
Mahiru doesn’t miss how Guren’s cheeks redden at this.
She laughs, pushing herself up from against the wall. “That’s okay, though,”
she says. “I just mean—it’s been a fantasy of mine for a long time. And we’re
in just about the most secluded area in this entire building right now, right?
So…” She steps up behind Shinya, pressing their bodies close together, and then
slowly brings her hands around him and up the front of his shirt, trailing them
softly over his skin.
“Aw, Mahiru, I was totally going to win,” he complains.
“Who says you can’t still?” she asks innocently.
“You were not going to win,” Guren grumbles.
“Yeah, right,” Shinya says. “You suck at this game.”
Mahiru’s hands find their way up to his nipples, and she pinches and twists
them, drawing a whistling exhale out of his nose. He drops his hands, and then
curses, working to get back to the game again, determined to beat Guren.
She lets her hands roam everywhere they can find, moving from his chest to his
stomach to his hips, and then down, down to his crotch. She takes him in her
hand, and grinds the heel of her hand against his cock, urging its growth.
He doesn’t say a word, but, very soon, Guren turns around to face them,
victorious.
“That’s not fair,” Shinya gasps out. “I would’ve won if—if not—”
“Nope,” Guren says. “I won, fair and square. That’s all there is to it.”
“Do you want to punish me?” Mahiru asks teasingly. “Was I being too bad? Why
don’t you push me against that wall and put me in my place?”
Shinya is quiet for a moment, and then he reaches down for his hands, pulling
them off of him and then turning to face her.
“Are you asking me to fuck you?” he asks, amused.
“I might be.”
He grins, then leans down and presses their lips together. He walks them back
towards the wall carefully, and Mahiru presses a hand flat against it once
she’s there. Their lips remain locked in a fierce kiss, but he brings his hands
to explore every inch of her body before slipping one hand up her skirt,
ghosting over her thighs gently.
He removes his lips from hers and brings them down, instead, to her neck. Over
his shoulder, Mahiru sees Guren watching them, looking rather guarded.
“You know, people, like, bring their kids here,” he stresses.
“Your point?” Mahiru asks.
“What if we get kicked out?”
“We won’t get kicked out,” Mahiru assures him.
Shinya rubs against her cunt through the fabric of her panties, encouraging her
growing wetness, and her breath hitches at the feeling of it.
“You don’t have to join in,” Mahiru says quietly. “It’s up to you.”
Guren seems to contemplate this for a moment, but Mahiru doesn’t get a chance
to see what he decides, because Shinya moves again to press their lips
together, and he hooks a finger around the fabric of her panties, pulling their
bottom aside to brush against her skin.
She shudders, pushing her hips closer to him.
“Put your fingers in me,” she whispers, pulling back from him just enough to
form the words. “Fuck me with them. I’ll come for you right here, right where
anybody could see us.”
“You’d like that, huh?” he murmurs. “For anyone to see?”
“That’s right. I’m just a filthy little slut, and I want everyone to know it.”
She exhales slowly, offering him a sultry grin. “But you would do anything for
me. Does that really make you any better?”
He laughs lowly, then slowly eases one finger into her, and she bites her lip
to keep from gasping. As he does so, she sees Guren move behind them, and,
suddenly, there are hands around Shinya’s waist, running up his body languidly.
Mahiru watches, entranced, as Guren brings his hands down to work at the zipper
of Shinya’s pants.
“Can’t just stand back and watch, huh?” Mahiru manages. “Horny bastard.”
She hears Guren laugh lightly. “Well, you wanted me to, didn’t you?”
“We did,” Shinya agrees. “Just watch your back, okay? Wouldn’t want to get
kicked out.”
“Shut up,” Guren mutters, and, before Shinya can say anything else, he slips a
hand beneath Shinya pants.
Shinya’s hand twitches slightly inside Mahiru, and her hips move to him in
response. He lets out a whistling breath, then shoots her a grin.
“Are you feeling a little desperate?” he murmurs. “Want me to be moving
faster?”
“Yes,” she gasps. “Fuck me with your fingers.”
He moves his finger inside of her for a moment longer, then pulls it out
slightly, and, right as Mahiru is about to protest, pushes a second finger in
and begins thrusting, at a much quicker tempo than before. She makes a
desperate grab for his shirt, her legs trembling slightly as her hips begin to
move in time with him, entirely of their own volition.
She watches, all the while, as Guren takes Shinya’s cock with both hands and
begins carefully stroking it. She takes it all in, the way Shinya’s face
transforms into one of complete pleasure, completely taken with what Guren is
doing to him, and yet still never stalling in his actions.
Guren presses his lips against Shinya’s neck, biting gently, and Mahiru
tightens her grip on Shinya’s shirt, breathing sharply through her nose.
It doesn’t take very long at all before she is reaching her limit, throat
searing with a cry she refuses to let out, body tense, so tense, but she holds
it back, holds it, holds it.
“Guren,” Shinya breathes out. “Guren, I’m going to—”
“Wait,” Guren tells him softly. “Don’t come unless it’s with Mahiru.”
Shinya inhales, but nods quickly, and suddenly thrusts harder and faster into
Mahiru. Her determination falters, and the cry that is trying to push out of
her body rises higher and higher, until she can’t hold it back anymore. But
before it can fall from her lips, Shinya is pressing his other hand against her
mouth firmly, saying, “Shh.”
As her climax overwhelms her, he allows himself to come, too, and by the time
she comes back to, they are both breathing heavy, watching each other dazedly.
Guren steps back from them, and glances around, looking somewhat nervous, and,
yet, there is nobody else in sight.
“See?” Shinya says teasingly, working to get his pants back on properly. “We
haven’t been kicked out, have we?”
Guren rolls his eyes. “Whatever,” he grumbles. “Let’s just get home.”
“Aw, c’mon, Guren, I could feel your boner on my ass. Don’t you want it gone?”
“Yeah, whatever,” Guren says. “Maybe it’ll still be there when we get home.”
“Please tell me you’re joking,” Mahiru says, scrunching her nose. “I’m not
going anywhere with you if you have an obvious erection for everyone to see.”
“Hide it?” Shinya suggests.
“Fuck off,” Guren tells them, scowling.
“Just go to the washroom,” Mahiru encourages. “We’ll wait.”
He sighs, but nods and relents, slipping away to do so. As he leaves, Mahiru
shoots Shinya a grin.
“Fantasy fulfillment,” she says. “That’s what this is good for, right?”
He thinks about it for a moment. “There are other benefits, though, right?
Aside from the sexual stuff.”
“What do you mean?”
“Like, emotionally.”
She frowns.
He’s quiet, and then he shakes his head. “Never mind,” he says. “Let’s just
wait for Guren and get back.”
“Shinya—”
“Seriously,” he says. “Don’t worry about it.”
She falls silent, but something very painful claws at her chest, and, despite
herself, her eyes prick a little bit.
Stupid Mahiru, she chastises herself. If they have something to say, they would
say it to you.
And yet, somewhere very deep inside of her, she knows that she has never been
so far from her best friends as she has been lately, and the divide only
continues to grow, the longer things go on.
She just doesn’t know how she’s supposed to get them back to her.
===============================================================================
Shinya has grown up, the oldest of two, in an oppressive household, run by an
alcoholic and his cult-going wife. He always insists that he doesn’t mind when
things get bad, as long as he can find a way to keep Mika from the hands of
their abusive parents, but Mahiru wishes he wouldn’t simply take it.
“I could leave whenever I want,” he tells her, constantly. “I just have to stay
with Mika for as long as I can.”
Well, Mahiru supposes she understands. She’s always felt the same when it comes
to Shinoa, after all.
But Guren always shoots back, “And who’s going to keep you safe?” to which
Shinya can never respond, and the conversation always dies down.
Shinya has never been one for drinking, thanks to his father’s influence, and,
so, when he calls her and asks if she has anything at home that they can drink
together, she is rightfully taken aback.
“Are you crazy? What are you talking about?”
“I’ve been thinking about it,” he says earnestly. “Honestly. And, like,
researching online and shit. I’ll never get over the fear unless I do it in a
controlled environment, and any excuse to get out of here is a good one.”
“So, this is, like…”
“Experimental,” he decides. “Nothing more to it.”
Sure, Mahiru would believe that, if she didn’t know him like the back of her
hand.
But instead she says, “Well, one of the girls my dad was seeing, like, last
year was some kind of wine connoisseur, so we have a bunch of wine that she
always brought for him that he just stored away because he doesn’t like wine
much.”
“Is that it?”
“Yes,” Mahiru lies. “It’s that or nothing.”
“And Mika?”
“What about him?”
“Can he come over?”
Mahiru sighs, then stands and peeks out of her bedroom door. Down the hallway,
she can see Kureto, Seishiro, and Shinoa in a heated match of some kind of card
game.
“Sure,” she says. “Shinoa would be delighted. Have you talked to Guren?”
“No.”
Silence.
Mahiru waits.
Finally, he says, “I would’ve, but I feel like he wouldn’t understand.”
“Maybe,” Mahiru allows. “But I’m going to give him a call, anyway. It’s not
about understanding. Just supporting. Are you, like, planning to...walk here?”
“It’s not that cold,” Shinya reasons.
Well, it’s dangerously near ten below, but it’s not a long walk, by any means,
so she chooses not to argue about it.
“Okay, well, let me know when you’re on your way, then…”
“Will do. Thanks, Mahiru.”
He hangs up before she can say anything word.
Well, it’s not so bad, as long as her dad doesn’t come around. She has her
doubts, though. He was here just the other day, so she doesn’t see why he would
stop by again at any point during this week.
She hastens to call Guren, and he picks up immediately.
“What’s up?” he asks.
“Wanna come over and be responsible for a little while?”
“Should I ask, or…?”
“We have an idiot of a best friend who wants to sample some wine,” she
explains. “Something about getting over his fear of drinking in a ‘controlled
environment.’ So, like, with people he knows aren’t going to let him get drunk
off his ass, I guess.”
“...What?”
“That’s what I thought, too,” Mahiru says. “I thought maybe something happened,
but I don’t know…. He sounded genuine, if nothing else.”
“W-well, my dad’s out right now, but I could get there, sure. I can’t leave
Yuu, though.”
“I’m sure Shinoa wouldn’t mind the extra company,” Mahiru assures him. “Don’t
feel pressured, though. I’m sure he’s fine.”
“But he might not be,” Guren points out. “I’ll be there in, like, twenty.”
And then he hangs up.
Mahiru sighs, lowering her phone from her ear slowly.
She takes a moment, collecting herself, then comes out of her room and down the
hall, until she reaches the kitchen, where she sits down beside Seishiro.
“Guren and Shinya are going to come over,” she says.
“Okay,” Kureto says absently, laying down a card.
“And Yuu and Mika.”
“Good,” Shinoa grumbles. “Maybe they can help me win.”
“How are three idiot kids going to beat us?” Seishiro asks.
“Who’s an idiot?”
“Seishiro,” Kureto assures her.
“That’s what I thought,” Shinoa says, sniffing.
“Excuse me?”
Kureto just shrugs. “It’s the truth.”
Seishiro scowls.
“Don’t do that,” Shinoa advises him. “Your face will stick into that ugly
look.”
“His face is already ugly,” Kureto says. “Doesn’t make much of a difference.”
Mahiru supposes that, as dysfunctional as they may be, it’s impossible to deny
that they all care for each other. Mahiru and Kureto, the eldest children,
practically raised themselves and Seishiro, and then practically raised Shinoa,
too, once she was in the picture. They all have different mothers, thanks to
their father’s inability to keep a woman, but they share a unique bond, the
kind that can only be forged by their otherwise terrible family situation.
“Do we still have all that wine?” Mahiru asks.
Kureto glances up at her briefly, then back down to his cards.
“Planning on drinking?” he asks.
“Maybe.”
“Yeah, we do. But don’t get drunk and do something stupid. I’m not gonna deal
with it if you mess up and get pregnant or something.”
Mahiru laughs. “Fuck off,” she says. “Do you really think I’m fucking either of
them?”
“Aren’t you?”
“None of your business.”
“Then, that’s a yes.” He sighs, then lays another card down and looks up to
meet her eyes. “Don’t break anything, don’t break each other, and don’t make it
too obvious you were into those bottles. If you do decide to have sex, at least
have the decency to be quiet about it.”
“Why are you so fixated on sex?”
“Just a stipulation,” he says. “You’re sixteen. Sixteen-year-olds like to have
sex.”
“I don’t,” Seishiro protests.
“You’re fifteen,” Mahiru points out.
“Barely!”
“And I doubt you really have anyone around to have sex with,” Kureto says. “I
mean, I doubt many girls are really fawning over you.”
“Th-there are plenty,” Seishiro says. “I’m just not interested.”
“Sure. That’s it.” Kureto looks to Shinoa. “Your turn, you know.”
Shinoa straightens, then looks at her hand, sticking her tongue out in
concentration.
“What are you guys even playing?” Mahiru asks.
“Damned if I know,” Kureto tells her. “I think we’re just making it up.”
“That’s the fun part,” Shinoa insists, laying down a card. “Creativity is good
for you.”
Before any of them can say another word, the doorbell rings, and Mahiru rises
to answer it.
She opens the door to Shinya and Mika, the former of whom offers her an easy
smile, while the latter avoids her gaze completely.
Mahiru frowns, but doesn’t say anything as she lets them inside.
“Shinoa’s in the kitchen,” she tells Mika, closing the door carefully behind
them. “She’s playing cards, and said she’d like you to play with her.”
Mika looks up to her, now, and she sees that he was likely not avoiding meeting
her eyes, but was avoiding allowing her to see his face. The skin below is left
eye is painfully discoloured, clearly a fresh bruise, no older than perhaps a
couple of days.
He nods, then takes his shoes off and hurries into the kitchen.
As he goes, Mahiru turns to Shinya. “Is he okay?”
“Yeah.” Shinya’s smile has faded away, now. “Nothing that’s never happened
before. Is Guren coming?”
“Yeah. He should be here pretty soon.” Mahiru hesitates a moment, then asks,
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, honest. I’ve been thinking about it for months. I don’t want to be
the person holding you and Guren back from things.”
“What?”
“Well, there was Aoi’s party,” Shinya reminds her.
“Shinya, you don’t have to drink with us to be our friend,” Mahiru stresses.
“We understand why you wouldn’t want to drink, for starters, and we don’t—”
“It’s different.”
She frowns.
“I mean, how could you understand?” He shakes his head. “It’s not something I
can just explain to you and you can get.”
“Then, why call and ask me about it?” she challenges. “You acted like you were
asking me and not Guren because I would get it, and now you’re acting like that
isn’t the case at all.”
“I don’t mean…” He sighs. “Just leave it, okay? Let’s wait for Guren.”
Words rise in her throat, but she pushes them down again. The same worry, that
they are growing distant, stirs in her chest. She tries very, very hard to
ignore it.
They wait in silence, until Guren and Yuu arrive, and then Mahiru leads them to
the kitchen, where they hunt down some wine glasses and a bottle of red wine.
After that, they head to Mahiru’s room, and she shuts the door behind them
before sitting on the floor and motioning for the boys to sit with her.
“I’ll only have one,” Guren tells her, and she nods, because she was thinking
the same for herself.
She pours out three glasses, carefully, and then takes the first drink.
Guren and Shinya quickly follow her lead, but after Shinya swallows the first
sip, he coughs, face scrunched up slightly.
“This isn’t very good,” he wheezes. “It’s supposed to be enjoyable to drink
this?”
“Yeah,” Mahiru says. “If you don’t like it, you shouldn’t drink it.”
She falters, though, because, before she can even finish the sentence, he is
already bringing the glass up to his lips and taking another drink. He takes
this one with much more grace, only scrunching up his nose a little bit.
Mahiru shares a concerned look with Guren, then turns back to Shinya and holds
out a hesitant hand.
“It’s not a good idea to drink to, like, drown things out,” she says
uncertainly. “If something’s wrong, you know you can talk to us, right?”
Shinya sets his glass down on her floor, rolling his eyes. “It’s not like
that,” he insists. “Do you think I’m insane, Mahiru?”
“Right now? Kinda.”
“Well, I’m not.”
“Duly noted.”
He looks down at the wine glass, unspeaking, and then he picks it up again,
downing it in one.
Mahiru watches him, eyes wide.
“That is not how you drink wine,” Guren remarks.
But Shinya merely grins at him. “Who cares? Fill it up, Mahiru.”
She does, but she cannot help the hesitance which shakes her hand as she pours.
“So, are you going to explain, or…?”
“I’m fine,” he tells her. “I’m serious. Loosen up a bit, would you?”
She takes a long sip from her own glass.
They continue in this trend until the bottle is empty, and it is not thanks to
Mahiru or Guren at all. Shinya, who has certainly never drunk in his life, is
already far beyond drunk.
And he’s not handling it well, as far as Mahiru can see.
“I told you it wasn’t a good idea,” she stresses. “And you’re going to have one
hell of a hangover in the morning if you don’t start drinking some water soon.”
“Mahiru,” he says seriously. “You’re a fucking bitch.”
Beside her, she sees Guren open his mouth to defend her, but she shakes her
head at him, and he stops.
“Yeah, I know,” she says. “Anything in particular making you say that right
now, though?”
“Yes,” he says, and then nothing else.
“Tell me,” she says. “What’s on your mind?”
“You’re ignoring our feelings,” Shinya says matter-of-factly. “Because you
think you’re, like, emotionally dead or something, right? So, you can’t feel
love, right? You can’t even acknowledge that you’re human enough that you
totally, actually, genuinely can feel love.”
She throws the words around in her head a bit, but…
“I don’t understand,” she says. “I know I feel love. You know I love you. So,
what…?”
“No, I mean romantic love.”
“Shinya,” Guren speaks up, voice tight, “you’re drunk.”
“You’re not any better,” Shinya accuses. “We try to acknowledge it, and you
just shoot us down. What, because you’re scared? I’m sure we’re all scared! But
you just—”
“Don’t,” Guren says.
“Don’t what? Don’t tell the truth? Well, if you aren’t going to, who is?”
“There is no truth,” Guren argues. “You’re just trying to make us feel bad.
It’s not fair.”
“Right,” Mahiru agrees. “Something happened, didn’t it? Your dad, or—”
“My parents have nothing to do with this.”
“Then why are you here?” Mahiru demands, and, as soon as she says the words,
she realizes how they sound. She closes her mouth firmly, then blinks, watching
Shinya cautiously.
But he just laughs, a nasty, bitter sound.
“I guess I thought it could give me the courage to say the things we all keep
refusing to say,” he says, voice edging on a snarl. “Because we’re all—what?
Three cowards? Or maybe we’re just stupid. I can’t really tell.”
“Shinya—”
“No,” he says firmly, holding a hand up. “You act like you’re stronger than
feelings, or something. Like you can just get rid of them, because you don’t
want them, but I’m not blind, Mahiru. You’re even more a slave to your emotions
than anybody else, because you try so fucking hard to force them away. You
think you can say you did everything you did just because Guren is physically
attractive?”
She swallows, beginning to feel a little faint, and turns her gaze away from
Shinya’s. “He is,” she says. “So are you. There’s nothing more—”
“Bullshit,” he seethes. “If there really was nothing more to it, do you think
we would be here right now?”
“You’re drunk,” Guren says again. “You’re not thinking properly.”
“Better than sober and lying my ass off for no good reason. Hey, Guren, what
are so afraid of, anyway? If Mahiru’s scared of being in love, then what about
you? Why deny it?”
“I’m not—”
“Tell the truth.”
Guren falls silent.
“This isn’t the time to be having this conversation,” Mahiru finally says. “So,
I won’t have it. You’re just trying to lash out us, because you’re mad at us
for...whatever this is. There’s no reason for this, right now. Let me get you
some water, and then—”
“Are you trying to run away?”
“No,” she says firmly. “I’m trying to keep your drunk ass from saying or doing
something you’ll really regret. Just trust me, okay? We’ll talk in the
morning.”
He says nothing.
She takes this as a good sign, and stands up. As she does, she shoots Guren a
quick look, which she hopes he gathers means to stay with Shinya while she
steps out of the room. Before either of the boys can say a word, she makes her
way out of her room and into the kitchen, where she sees Seishiro, Kureto, and
the kids all gathered around the table, having a very serious, heated debate.
“You put me in debt!” Shinoa accuses. “You stole my property, my wife, and my
dog!”
Mahiru stops, eyebrows furrowing.
“It’s only because you stole my properties under the table!” Yuu protests.
“They weren’t yours to take!”
“But you got them back,” Mika points out. “So, what’s the problem?”
“It made me mad!”
“Who gives a shit?” Shinoa returns.
“Watch your mouth,” Kureto advises tiredly.
“My eyes can’t see that far down!” Shinoa says hotly.
Mahiru shakes herself, then turns away from them to hunt down a glass and get
Shinya some water.
After she gets it and turns to return to her room, Kureto notices her.
“Are they planning on leaving tonight, or…?”
“I don’t think so,” she says. “I guess if you want them out, though, you can
kick them out yourself.”
“I don’t care,” he says. “Do whatever you want. I’m going to bed soon, though.”
Shinoa boos. “You’re so old.”
“Yeah,” Kureto agrees. “And I’m tired of all your squawking.”
As Shinoa protests, Mahiru takes the opportunity to slip out of the kitchen.
She returns to her room, closing the door behind her softly, and sees that
Guren is sitting beside Shinya, leaned against the wall.
They aren’t speaking, but the moment still feels intensely intimate. Guren has
one hand in Shinya’s hair, stroking it absently, and Shinya looks to his feet
rather intently, as if he is trying very hard not to think of anything else.
She approaches carefully, offering the water out to him, and he accepts it with
shaky hands.
“Thanks,” he says quietly.
“Feeling any better?” she asks, lowering herself down on his free side.
“Feeling like a dick,” he admits. “Or, like my dad, maybe. Not a good thing,
either way.”
“Guess that means it’s probably starting to wear off,” Guren murmurs. “From
here, the only thing you can really do is sleep it off entirely.”
“You’re not like your dad, Shinya,” Mahiru tells him, leaning her head on his
shoulder. “You’re just annoyed with us, because we’re stupid, which we are.”
Guren laughs. “True,” he says. “It’s why we get along so well, right?”
“Speak for yourselves,” Shinya mutters. “I’m a genius.”
“A genius who drank most of a bottle of wine entirely by himself,” Mahiru
teases.
Shinya snorts. “Yeah, and it was fucking disgusting. I’m never doing it again.”
“Some things you can only experience in your youth,” Guren tells him. “Maybe
wine will be one of those things.”
“And casual sex,” Shinya says gravely.
“I wouldn’t knock that one too soon,” Mahiru says tightly. “Let’s talk about it
tomorrow, though, okay? For now, you need rest. You can sleep in here tonight,
and we’ll take the guest room. If you need one of us, don’t hesitate to find
us, or call one of our phones.”
He says nothing in response, and she pulls away from him, chest tight.
“Come on, Guren,” she says. “Let’s sleep in the other room.”
He nods, disentangling his hand from Shinya’s hair and then standing up.
They do not speak as they leave, but once they are out of the room, with the
door closed behind them, Guren says, “Do you think that, like, went well?”
Mahiru stares at him for a moment, then lets out a soft snort of laughter.
“Yeah, right,” she says. “Do you think it went well?”
“He has a point, though. Even if he’s drunk.”
“You think so?”
“You don’t?”
They watch each other for a moment, almost as if they are in some kind of
silent competition. Finally, Mahiru breaks their eye contact with a scowl and
says, “I don’t want to talk about it now.”
“I know,” Guren says quietly. “I don’t really want to talk about it, either,
but—”
“Then, don’t.”
He frowns at her, but she pushes past him and down the hall before he can say
another word. The conversation falls away, thankfully, and they settle down for
the night, not even bothering to find a more comfortable change of clothes.
As they lie down to sleep, though, Mahiru finds she cannot catch up to her own
thoughts, and, while she does eventually drift to sleep, it is quite restless,
plagued with vague images of her best friends, far away from her, somewhere she
can’t quite reach.
===============================================================================
When Mahiru was thirteen, she liked a boy in her year at school. He was cute,
funny, adorably dorky, and one of the only people Mahiru had ever allowed
herself to call a friend.
When Mahiru was fourteen, she decided that she would use high school to sort of
“reinvent” herself. The first step? To stop falling prey to her own emotions.
No-strings-attached sex was just fun. Drinking was just fun. Spending time with
her best friends was just fun.
Perhaps she learned from a young age that love is more superficial than others
make it out to be. Born to a serial dater and one of his many female lovers, a
woman she never even learned the name of, she was already sort of destined to
be cold about love.
So, at fourteen, she decided that a crush, or a passing attraction, was nothing
worth acting on in hopes of something long term. Those feelings always fade,
after all, and these were no exceptions.
In the morning, once they have all fully woken up and gathered their bearings,
Shinya suggests, “Let’s go to the arcade.”
They do, and, by the time they’re there, the clock reads something like 13:09,
and Mahiru feels as if she is going insane.
“Do you remember the first time my dad ever took us here?” Guren reminisces.
“We were, what? Five?”
“And here we are, over ten years later,” Shinya says thoughtfully. “Funny, how
some things just don’t change.”
“Shinya,” Mahiru says tightly, “why are we here?”
They’re not here to play games, or wipe the happenings of the night before from
their respective memories, after all.
“My parents aren’t in love,” he tells her. “Maybe they were, at some point, but
they aren’t anymore. And if that’s what love is, I don’t really want it.”
Mahiru swallows thickly, but says nothing.
“I don’t know what it was,” he continues. “Maybe it was the suggestion that
Guren was in love. Or that we could be more than friends, but you weren’t
having it. Friends with benefits don’t exist for emotional fulfillment. Mahiru,
I’m sorry, but there’s nobody else I want to spend the rest of my life with
than you two.”
Mahiru and Guren are both silent for a moment, and then Guren says, “Yeah. Me
too.”
Mahiru feels very sick suddenly.
“For a long time,” Guren admits. “Years.”
“I know,” Mahiru says tightly. “Yuu told me—about the flowers and stuff. I…
Guren, are you afraid…?”
He laughs. The sounds rings painfully through her head.
“Of course I am,” he says. “You act like romance is evil or something.”
“I...I don’t…”
“You do,” Shinya says. “And I get why, but being scared isn’t going to change
anything.”
“I’m not scared,” she mutters. “I’m not scared of anything.”
“Bullshit,” they say, hardly in unison.
She looks down at her feet, eyes pricking painfully.
“We know you pretty well, Mahiru,” Guren reminds her. “We know you better than
we even know ourselves, sometimes.”
When Mahiru was thirteen, she had a hopeless crush on Guren. Like, the sort of
thing people write silly teenage stories about, but most people don’t actually
experience. She was sure it was love, and yet as she dawned on fourteen, she
recognized that her feelings were not isolated to Guren, by any means.
Perhaps she and Shinya have just always been too similar in some ways. She’s
always wondered how they function as friends, really, considering their
respective upbringings and personalities, and yet they always have.
Mahiru never tried to imagine her life without Guren and Shinya, because she
knew that life would never be her reality.
But the truth about love, she knows, is…
“It’s like a game,” she finally says, looking up at them again. “It’s not
really one you can win.”
“What do you mean?” Shinya presses.
“This,” Mahiru says, gesturing between them, “is safe. Anything more, isn’t.
People don’t let themselves stay tied down. They don’t let themselves be that
vulnerable to other people. That’s human nature.”
“I think our definitions of ‘human nature’ are very different.”
“Yeah,” Guren says. “I mean, we’re only human because we do do those things,
right? It’s about trust, Mahiru. Don’t you trust us?”
“But I’m not in love with you,” she stresses. “So—”
“Let’s play a game,” Shinya says suddenly.
Mahiru stares at him.
“It’s a genuine suggestion,” he says. “You’re putting up barriers. We all have
been. It’s not your fault. Let’s just have some fun, and think about it a bit
more. I mean, we’re not just about to give up on one another, right?”
Panic rises in Mahiru’s chest like sickness, suddenly.
“Wh-what?!” She lunges forward and makes a grab for his sleeve. “You’re being
too cruel to me! I can’t—I can’t— I’m just scared of fucking everything up!”
Everyone around them turns to them with dirty looks, but Mahiru barely notices
at all.
Guren and Shinya, though, are completely dumbstruck.
“You think I don’t love you?” she continues, voice growing in its hysteria.
“I’ve loved you for years! I’ve loved you then, and I love you now, but the
worst thing I could imagine is you leaving me behind! The same way my dad
leaves women, or that women leave him, or that he leaves me and my siblings,
like we’re something to him one day, and then the dirt on the bottom of his
shoe the next! I just wanted to be your friend, above everything else, and
I—I—”
She stops, mortification welling up in her as hot tears spill from her cheeks.
The same as before, at the kitchen table in Guren’s house, sat between three
cups of tea and a force far, far beyond any of them.
But this time, she finds her voice again, and she says, voice thick and
wailing, “I never wanted anything to change!”
And perhaps this is the most Mahiru thing she could possibly say, because Guren
and Shinya exchange a glance, one filled with this odd sort of humour, as if it
is a joke.
“Change is inevitable,” Shinya tells her. “Life doesn’t stop where you want it
to. Sometimes you just need to let it go.”
“Or you can dig your heels in a bit,” Guren offers. “We won’t go anywhere,
either way.”
“It doesn’t really matter how we love each other,” Shinya says. “It doesn’t
change the fact that we do. So, you’re upset now, but we’re here to help you
feel less upset.”
She sniffles, wiping at her eyes. “I don’t get it,” she says shakily. “Shinya,
aren’t you scared?”
“You’ll have to be more specific.”
“Of being like your parents?”
“Terrified,” he assures her. “But I always sort of figured you two would keep
me from doing that.”
“Oh.”
“You’re not like your dad, Mahiru,” Guren speaks up. “You’re, like, the
furthest thing from him you possibly could be.”
She knows it, and yet…
“I don’t know,” she says quietly. “Can we play some games?”
Shinya laughs lightly, shaking her off of his sleeve and then making a gentle
grab for her hand.
“Absolutely,” he says. “Guren?”
“Sure. Why not? It’ll be just like it ever was.”
Mahiru’s lips twitch slightly with the irony of it, but she allows Shinya to
lead the way. The conversation does not die away, exactly, but Mahiru focusses
on Guren and Shinya, instead, on this.
This, which is the same as it ever was.
===============================================================================
They spend the next few days away from each other, in an effort to find a way
to articulate the things they need to say to each other, in a way that leaves
no questions remaining.
But they eventually come back together, in Guren’s house. Yuu and Sakae are
watching television together in the next room, while Mahiru, Shinya, and Guren
sit around the kitchen table, sipping on tea and contemplating each other.
Finally, Guren says, “I don’t know what Yuu really told you about me, before,
but I’m sure he was right about me, whatever it was.”
“He said you were talking to your dad about us,” she says. “Something about
feelings.”
“Oh.” He lets out a whistling breath. “Yeah. Well, I thought he could tell me
what to do, but it turns out the only person who can do that is me. I
just...you both said you didn’t want romance, but I did. The whole time. It was
nice, but I was really only in it because I’m in love with you both.”
He says it so easily, almost as if he has rehearsed it. And, really, Mahiru’s
known him long enough to know that he probably has rehearsed it.
“I never thought about my feelings until I started thinking about Guren’s,”
Shinya says. “Mahiru, you asked him if he was in love with you, and then I
wondered if it would really be a bad thing if be was, and then…” He shakes his
head. “It felt overwhelming, in a lot of ways. But I didn’t know how to bring
it up.”
“Unless you were drunk,” Mahiru murmurs.
“That was definitely part of it,” Shinya agrees. “And then my dad got—well, you
know how he gets. He hit Mika, I got mad at him, he said some things to me
about, like, what kind of person he thinks I am, and it stewed for a couple of
days, I guess.”
“I see,” Guren says seriously. “Well, no matter how it happened, I am glad you
said something.”
“Yeah,” Shinya says. “Me too.”
Mahiru looks between them thoughtfully, then takes a long sip of tea.
After a moment, she says, “I liked you a long time ago.”
“What do you mean?” Guren asks.
“I liked you. Like, like-liked you. And then I decided I didn’t anymore.”
“Can you really just decide something like that?” Shinya wonders.
“Well, it’s not my fault I decided that and then you guys got hot,” she says
defensively. “I didn’t want to think about the future, and I didn’t want to
think about love, and I didn’t care about going on dates and stuff. But it’s
not like I ever stopped being attracted to you, or wanting those things
subconsciously. It just feels like we’re too young, like if we start now, we
won’t be together in the end, and I don’t ever want to think about spending a
single moment of my life away from you.”
They are very quiet, thinking it over, and then Guren says, “What do you want,
then?”
What does she want? Does she want a relationship with them? Well, she supposes
things really can’t go back to how they were before Aoi’s party, but, even if
they could, would she want to?
She enjoys the sex, of course, but she’s not too sure she can really say there
were no strings attached the entire time. After all, Guren and Shinya were both
in it for the emotions, and she was…
Probably doing the exact same thing.
She lets out a short laugh.
“I think I’ve already fought hard enough against it,” she admits. “We’ll never
know unless we try, right?”
“Are you sure?” Shinya asks. “We can go back to—”
“We really can’t,” Mahiru interrupts. “And I don’t think any of us want to,
either.”
“What do you mean?” Guren presses.
“Well, I mean—I want to have the same relationship we always had, sure,
but...well, the sex is nice, for one, and, for two, it would nice to do...more,
right?”
“Like, dates and stuff?” Shinya questions.
“Yeah. For people to know, I mean, that we belong to each other.”
Mahiru sees Guren’s lips twitch slightly.
“Belong to each other, huh?”
Her cheeks sting slightly. “You know what I mean.”
Shinya leans across the table, grinning. “Do we? Is it that you want us to
belong to you?”
“Maybe,” she allows. “But only if you want that, too.”
“I think we’ve made that perfectly clear already,” Guren murmurs, leaning in
closer to her.
She closes the gap between them and presses a chaste kiss against his lip,
before pulling back and offering Shinya a hand across the table.
“Yeah,” she says softly. “I think so, too.”
End Notes
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