Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4247745.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural
  Relationship:
      Castiel/Dean_Winchester, Gabriel/Sam_Winchester, John_Winchester/Mary
      Winchester
  Character:
      Dean_Winchester, Sam_Winchester, Castiel, Gabriel_(Supernatural), Mary
      Winchester, John_Winchester, Cain_(Supernatural), Anna_Milton
  Additional Tags:
      Best_Friends, Abuse, Alcohol_Abuse/Alcoholism, Self-Harm, First_Time,
      Bottom_Dean, Neighbors, Friends_to_Lovers, Alternate_Universe, Drug_Use,
      Autistic_Castiel
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-07-01 Updated: 2016-05-27 Chapters: 2/? Words: 9398
****** Just Like Bert and Ernie ******
by Juniper_Mason
Summary
     Life was supposed to be easy for Dean Winchester and Castiel Shurley,
     but God, fate, call it what you will, would ensure that their lives
     would see the prejudices of the world at early ages. It starts off
     simple enough- two boys growing up on neighboring farms, spending
     their days running through the torn up fields and flowerbeds until
     the bottoms of their feet turned black from dirt; cooling off in the
     shade of the Grand Oak, confiding in each other when they felt as if
     they only had the other in all the world. A car accident and a
     diagnosis later would begin to change all that.
     "I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over.
     Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from
     the center." -Kurt Vonnegut
***** Chapter 1 *****
"Be soft.  Do not let this world make you hard.  Do not let the pain make you
hate.  Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness.  Take pride that even
though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a
beautiful place." ~ Kurt Vonnegut
            ______________________________________________________
Summer, 1987
 
In the heart of the countryside of Kansas, there is a road. Not many know it is
there- even those who were born and bred throughout many generations still pass
by the exit every now and again. The dirt has been pushed down further into the
solid earth by the same tires, rotated with every start of the season and
changed with each new owner of the same bloodline. Mom and Pop stores line the
main road, always closed on Sundays to ensure that family values hold steady
and that time is spent together on the day of rest. The main road reaches out
to gravel that melts into a highway about five miles out. The sign that
acknowledges the town’s existence is faded from the sun and overgrown with
weeds and brush.
This is the type of town where there is one elementary school, one junior high
school, and one high school even though the population is small enough for
every student to fill one of the three buildings. The nearest hospital is a
forty-five minute drive out, going the speed limit, that is, and if you’re
looking for something other than a Wal-Mart, you’d better be ready to drive a
good hour at the least. This is the town where grass grows freely and wild,
covering broken down tractors and their rust with new life. The houses are a
solid walk away from each other, but the neighbors are as close as kin.
Now, if you turn off that highway and make your way down the dirt road and
travel a good ways past the edge of town, you would come across a little blue
farmhouse with a white front porch. Two rockers sit to the side of the door and
flowers line the drive. The shutters are new and the fence has a fresh coat of
paint, and when the postman comes around at two in the afternoon, the mailbox
will be filled with cards of congratulations for the expecting parents that
call themselves the new homeowners. Or at least it would be if it were not
Sunday.
Rather than worry themselves with the hustle and bustle of their busy lives,
the couple brushes away the hours with domesticity. Outside, the leafs bask in
the glorious summer sun, the abandoned chicken coop is nestle away in the back
yard lazily, and a black 1967 Chevy Impala sleeps in the drive.
Inside the sun-tinted kitchen, the young bride dances around a hand-me-down
table and chair set as her husband stands in the doorway and admires her
silently. A soft light spreads itself over the cool tiles of the kitchen as a
gentile breeze plays with the curtains fastened on the window above the sink.
The little cuckoo clock in the hallway chimes, alerting everyone in the house
that it is noon as the sultry voice of Sam Cooke is swept into the kitchen from
the living room to tickle the toes of the young woman hustling around
gracefully. Her floral day dress swishes around her legs and her husband cannot
help but let a small laugh escape him as he crosses his arms and leans against
the doorframe.
“John, have you seen my pink platter? The one that looks like Depression glass?
I know I just saw it but I can’t remember where.” With a sigh, John Winchester
made his way into the kitchen and picked up the platter from the table, holding
it up in front of his face to show his wife. She smiled, kissed his cheek, and
took the platter from him with a simple southern thank you glance.
“What can I do to help, Mary?”
“Oh, I see how it is. Now that all the baking is done he comes in to help. Well
if you’re here to sneak a sample, you can kiss that thought goodbye because
these are for the new neighbors.” Mary was too wrapped up in her pies to notice
thick arms wrapping around her.
“I bet I can change your mind,” challenged John. Before Mary could answer, she
was being swept off her feet as her husband twirled her around the kitchen in
an uncoordinated dance. They stepped on each other’s feet and almost bumped
into a chair once or twice, but Mary thought that even Cinderella couldn’t have
been as happy as she was in that moment. They came to a slow stop back over by
the sink where the pies were cooling on the windowsill, the record coming to an
end and pastries forgotten. John kept Mary in his arms, hands on her petit
waist. Her smile was contagious, and he never wanted to go a day without seeing
it. God, did John Winchester love his wife.
“John, sweetie, you need to let go of me. Those cookies aren’t going to stack
themselves.”
“Only if you sit down for a little bit,” agreed John as he walked over to where
the cooled pastries were laid out on the counter. “I’m serious, Mary,” he said
as he pointed to her with a spatula. “Now, don’t get me wrong, I love how much
you’ve been baking lately, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re
pregnant. You shouldn’t be on your feet this long.” Now it was Mary’s turn to
roll her eyes as she sat down and watched her husband work.
“Well it doesn’t help that you’re so intent on dancing with me,” she mumbled.
“I like to dance with my wife,” was John’s cookie filled mouth reply. He turned
to the counter and began his work stacking as Mary hummed to herself,
continuing the song that had ended moment before. Just as John was stuffing the
last bits of corn muffin into his mouth, being careful as to not let any crumbs
fall around his sock covered feet, he felt the familiar touch of his wife’s
hand gently batting his own. Forced to lower the muffin, he looked at her with
sad eyes as if to beg for one more bite.
“John Winchester, you can have the rest of your muffin later. The neighbor’s
car just passed by and I want to make sure we don’t miss them. Now come do you
duty as my husband and get the door for me please.” John gave a closed mouth
smile and nodded. He could never say no to his wife, nor could he win an
argument against her. She was just too damn cute when she got flustered and
angry- it was one of the reasons why he fell so madly in love with her all
those years ago in high school. Life had thrown them many curveballs over those
years, what with John going off to war and Mary staying behind, working
multiple shifts as a nurse in order to earn enough for a house when he
returned. Every day during those years came with uncertainty and fear, but no
matter how hard the times got, they always found their way back to each other.
The letters got lost in the mail, coming out of order and sometimes not at all.
Mary cried alone in her childhood bedroom after her parents had gone to sleep,
thinking that she couldn’t keep going like they had been for much longer. John
took up drinking and often found himself being torn away from another member of
his division when he became too drunk, yelling about how he wanted to go home
and be with his wife. It was long and stressful and heartbreaking, but one day
in May, Mary walked out into the waiting room of the hospital to see him
standing in the doorway, clad in his uniform, clutching a sad bouquet of
flowers and trying not to cry.
They married not long after and settled outside of the city where they had
grown up. Finding the farmhouse was a Godsend. There was enough land for John
to work on his cars as well as for Mary to plant her gardens. They worked on
fixing the place up for weeks upon weeks, determined to do everything
themselves, and when they finished, they went out to back yard. They were
covered in paint and dust and dirt- hands calloused and hair out of place. They
washed each other off with the hose as the sun set, and laughed with closed
eyes and open mouths as John spun his wife around the fresh grass until the
bottoms of their feet were black and sore. They made love that night under the
grand oak near the property line, not caring that the abandoned lot next to
them wouldn’t be welcoming forever.
Naked in the other’s arms, they looked up at the night sky, violent with stars.
Mary’s breath hitched when John kissed her neck, galaxies exploding above them
as they became a mess of moans and sweat, passion and fury. The rising sun
warmed their bodies the next morning. John took his wife by the hand and handed
her his flannel to cover herself with. They walked back to the house hand in
hand, flowers of all colors creating a pathway as they got closer to the
kitchen door.
Once inside the kitchen, John sat Mary down in one of his father’s chairs and
washed the bottoms of her feet, causing her to giggle and kick his arm
playfully. They stayed like that for some time- John kneeling between his
wife’s legs and she looked down at him, a worn flannel draped over her
shoulders and pulled tight between her breasts. It had been two years since
that day, and almost three months since they found out their family would be
expanding. Soon they would be spreading out picnic next to the gardens with
their baby, rolling across the fresh cut grass with a toddler, and then washing
the feet of a cranky first grader at the end of an endless summer day of
playing under the grand oak. They named the piece of land “Caelum,” meaning
Heaven, or happiness, and it was just that.
As the memories played in the back of Mary’s mind, John picked up the platter
and balanced it like an expert on one hand as he held the door open for his
wife. The smell of lavender and clean cotton whirled around the couple as they
made their way past the clothesline and over to the fence that stood between
the two properties by the grand oak. A few minutes of walking was all it took
to reach the gate when one strolled at leisure, but if his mind was made and
set, a man could carry a tray of goodies over to the property line in a minute
or two.
As the Winchesters reached their side of the fence, they heard a faint noise
come from the other side. Upon further investigation, they could make out the
whispers of a small child talking to himself. John looked over to see who the
voice was coming from and cleared his throat, getting the attention of a small
boy with golden hair, playing with a plastic fire truck in the uncut grass. The
boy tilted his head to the side as John’s shadow fell over him. Freckled cheeks
and a sunburnt nose complimented his golden eyes and unruly hair. The boy
blinked a few times before nodding his head in a determined manner, clearly
coming to a conclusion about the strange couple.
"Ma! Pa! There's someone here for ya!" His voice was high and squeaky, and from
the sound of it, he has a slight lisp, almost a whistle with certain letters.
When he turned his head back to smile at the strangers, his upper lip covered
his teeth, and if Mary didn’t swoon over the little tike, well, something would
be very wrong with the world. He stood up and unlatched the fence door,
stepping to the side to let John and Mary in. A man with dark hair and a salt
and pepper beard walked towards them, hands in his pockets and a cigarette
hanging loosely from his thin lips. When he stopped in front of them, it was
easy to tell that his hair was pulled back into a ponytail, curling at the
ends. His nose was crooked as if it had been broken once or twice, and his eyes
were aged but still held a sparkle.
John reached out his hand with a smile. "John Winchester. This is my wife,
Mary." Mary stepped forward and shook the man's hand after John.
"We just wanted to come and welcome you to the neighborhood," she said with a
warm smile.
"Well thank you," said the man with a slight southern accent. He extended his
arm, inviting them in to his yard. "My wife should be right out. She was just
finishing something up inside. Name's Cain Shurley. Please, come and sit." His
extended arm stretched out to a patio set off to the side of the house a small
sprint away. “Come along now, Gabriel.” They made their way to the set and Cain
brushed off the floral cushions- his wife’s choice by the face he made as he
worked. 
The three adults took their seats, the small boy selecting to sit in the
flowerbeds and further dirty his grass-stained pants. “You’ve already met
Gabriel. Fair warning, he’s a little trickster. If he ever asks you to pull
something or look in a closet, don’t.”
“Hey!” Six eyes turned to see a red-faced pout angrily glairing up at them.
“You can’t tell them that! Now they have one up on me!” He crossed his arms and
looked down at the ground, his back cowlick bouncing as his bobbed his head
once to emphasize his annoyance. “I guess this is just gonna make it more of a
challenge though.” Cain ruffled his son’s hair as he mumbled.
“Now, Gabriel. Be nice to our new neighbors. Introduce yourself before your
mother comes out to lecture you.”
With a heavy sigh, Gabriel stood up, his pudgy tummy popping out from the
bottom of his shirt. “Hello,” he said, drawing out the ending. “I’m Gabe. I’m
four years old!” The little trickster held up four tiny fingers to show John
and Mary. “Ma’s in the kitchen with Cassie making me chocolate milk!”
“You have a little sister?” Mary asked enthusiastically, bending down to be eye
level with the toddler. Gabriel was just about to answer when the screen door
slid open. Mary sat back up to see a woman with bright red hair giggling and
carrying a glass of milk.
“Not quite. I’m Anna, Cain’s wife.” She handed her son the glass, red and white
striped straw perfectly bent. She raised a brow as Gabriel blew bubbles over
the lip of the glass, but made no comment on it. “And this here,” she said as
she rubbed her very pregnant belly, “is Castiel.”
“If it’s a boy,” chimed Cain. Anna sat down in the chair next to her husband.
“You’re so sure it’s going to be a boy, Anna. I don’t want you to be
disappointed if the baby’s a girl.”
“I know it’s a boy, Cain. I can tell by the way he kicks. It’s just like
Gabriel all over again. And when he arrives at the end of September, you can be
expecting an ‘I told you so’, okay?” Cain grunted in response, rolling his eyes
as Mary scooted closer to Anna.
“How wonderful! We’re expecting a little one as well. Not until January,
though.” John placed his hands on his wife’s shoulders, titling his head in so
that their foreheads touched ever so slightly before pulling away at the
disgusted noise that came from the toddler.
"So, Gabriel," began John, only to be interrupted by the small child with
chubby cheeks who insisted that he call him "Gabe." All he could do was laugh
and agree. "Alright, Gabe. Are you excited to be a big brother?" Gabe shook his
head dramatically.
"I'm gonna teach him how to pull all of the good pranks. He's gonna be my
partner in crime, and then, if we get caught, he’s gonna be the one to take the
blame or get Ma to forgive us!"
"Gabriel!" 
"What, Ma?" Anna simply shook her head and sighed.
"I'm hoping that Castiel will be better behaved than Gabriel," she teased.
"We both are," commented Cain in a joking yet loving manner. Gabriel pouted
again, only to smile when John took the platter down from the table and offered
it to the boy.
"Thanks, Mr. Win…Winchest…Winchesthair!"
"Winchester, Gabriel. Not Winchesthair." Gabriel blushed at his father's
correction.
"Sorry, Pa. Thanks, Mr. Winchester." Gabriel took a chocolate chip muffin off
of the platter and practically swallowed it whole. The next half hour consisted
of Cain and Anna explaining that Gabriel had the worst sweet tooth in the
world, and how they moved due to atmosphere. It had been a dream of theirs
since before they met to live on a farm. Anna asked Mary if they had a name
picked out for their baby, to which she answered that they were going to go
with "Dean" or "Deanna," a namesake for her mother who had recently passed, but
they wanted to be surprised when it came to the baby being male or female. 
Time slipped away from the neighbors and before long, Gabriel was curled up on
Anna's lap, sound asleep. John and Mary returned to their home after inviting
Anna, Cain, and Gabriel over for dinner the next night. John, in all good fun,
had offered to side with Gabriel and his pranks- not very mature for a future
father, but fun nonetheless. The next night, right before dinner started, they
tag-teamed and tried to scare Cain with a plastic bug. Cain, being the good
father he was, played along, pretending to be frightened as the wives laughed
from inside the kitchen as water boiled for pasta primavera. They ate outside,
the cool summer air a relief from that past few humid days. John and Cain
managed to go through a six-pack, and when Gabriel asked if he could try some,
John told him that it was icky and that they were only drinking it so that he
and the mothers wouldn’t have to. Gabriel didn’t believe him but dropped the
subject anyway.
After dinner Mary brought Anna upstairs to show her the nursery while the
husbands watched cartoons with Gabriel. The ladies fussed about, going through
the little things Mary and John had picked up already.
“I know that it’s a little presumptuous, and that we want to be surprised, but
we both think it will be a boy. The Winchester bloodline is famous for only
having boys.” The walls were painted a light blue, almost a robin’s egg, with
an eggshell trim and cream curtains. Simply painted pictures of classic cars
and sailboats in matching frames hung on the walls. “We’ll get more things when
the due date gets closer, and if the baby turns out to be a girl, we’ll pick up
some mermaid prints to hang up in place of the cars.”
Anna walked over to the oak bookshelf and looked at the pictures of Mary and
John’s parents. She rubbed her belly and soon found Mary standing next to her.
The two women stayed in the nursery and talked about Gabriel when he was a
baby, as well as how exciting it would be to have their babies grow up
together. It was eight o’clock when they walked back down the stairs. They
found Gabriel curled up and sleeping in John’s lap on the sofa, Cain snoring in
the recliner next to them with his hands on his chest. This was the kind of
thing they lived for. Perfect nights where peace was wrapped around them.
The summer continued to be filled with late night conversations on the patio of
either couple's residence, muffin baskets being passed back and forth with
various recipes, and lots of chocolate milk.
The Forth of July was made into a big celebration, everyone gathering in the
Winchester's back yard and lighting sparklers, drinking sweet tea, and setting
off small fireworks. In the few weeks that had passed since the Shirley's
arrival, the families had become best friends. It made perfect sense to them.
Both had babies on the way, both had much in common (from John and Cain's taste
in music to Mary and Anna's love of cooking and baking, to Gabriel and his
sudden interest in whatever one of the adults was doing), and both spent what
sometimes felt like every waking hour in the other's company. On Sundays, they
would have breakfast in the Shurley's kitchen surrounded by light blue tile and
white cabinets. Dinner would be at the Winchester’s, and on the first Sunday of
the month, Gabriel would be presented with the opportunity to pick what was for
dinner, which resulted in spaghetti and hotdogs with lemonade.
The school year was starting and Gabriel was bouncing up and down by the front
door. His shaggy hair flopping around his little face and his bright red
backpack far too large for his short form. Everyone was standing around him
taking pictures. It was his first day of kindergarten and his big, lopsided,
toothy grin was speaking for itself.
“Hurry up, ma! I’m gonna be late for my first day!!” The adults laughed at
Gabriel and his snarky pout. The little trickster was going to go places on his
personality alone. Anna kissed him on the cheek and John and Mary hugged him to
wish him luck. Cain ruffled his hair as they walked to the car. September first
was starting to be a wonderful day. When Gabriel got home with his stories of
school and coloring and snack time, all ears listened enthusiastically. In the
middle of a bite of ice cream, Gabriel looked at his mother. 
“Hey, Ma? When Cassie’s born, is he gonna be able to eat ice cream with me?
With sprinkles and chocolate syrup?”
“Not for a while, sweetie. But when he gets older he will be. And guess what?
So will Mary and John’s little one.” Gabriel perked up, putting down his spoon
and pressing his head to Anna’s tummy after she had removed the melted ice
cream and forgotten sprinkles off of her son’s mouth and chin.
“When’s he gonna come out? I’m tired of waiting!”
“Soon, sweetie. Soon.”
Castiel was born on September 16th. Mary marveled over the baby boy and his
pale skin, dark hair, and bright blue eyes. Gabriel became very protective,
telling anyone who went near his baby brother that he would pull the ultimate
prank on them if they did anything to hurt him.
"I can't tell ya what it'll be, but I can tell ya that it'll involve whipped
cream and last week's trash. I'm not afraid to go out back and get it!" The now
older brother pointed at everyone in the room and tried his best to make an
intimidating face. Cain picked up his eldest son and carried him away from
John, helping to free his pant leg from a tiny yet intimidating grip. When
Gabriel had been put down for a nap, John and Cain went out to the backyard to
fire up the grill for burgers, leaving Mary and Anna alone in the kitchen.
"So what made you decide on the name 'Castiel'?" asked Mary. Anna picked up her
mug and took a sip of her tea.
"My family was very religious. It was a tradition to name the boys after
angels. I suppose it continued even after my parents passed. My brothers,
Michael and Balthazar, they don't keep in touch. Well, Balthazar used to come
around for holidays, but that stopped some time ago. The last time
we…chatted…he told me that he was running off to Italy." Anna smiled down at
her mug. They had never talked about her parents before. They hadn’t even seen
pictures. Mary reached over and hugged her friend, unable to imagine what it
would be like to not have a relationship with her family. A little noise came
from the play yard in the living room. The women made their way back into the
living room and Anna picked up her baby boy.
“Hey there, little one. Mommy’s here,” she cooed as she bounced Castiel in her
arms. His bright blue eyes squinted as his smile grew. “So, are you and John…?
I don’t mean to pry, but I saw the angel in the nursery and I’ve heard both you
and John whisper ‘angels are watching over you’ to your baby.”
“We are but we aren’t. We have faith and we pray, but we aren’t really ones for
going to church.”
“That’s how we are. It feels almost ironic, carrying out this tradition of
names.”
“I think it’s sweet. It’s something that you can share with the rest of your
family, even though they aren’t here anymore.”
“Thank you, Mary. I’m so happy that we got you and John as neighbors. I was
worried when we uprooted that we would end up being ‘those’ people. The ones
who don’t make friends with the families around them. I just wanted Gabriel to
be able to make some friends, and now he has and Castiel will have someone his
age to grow up with as well.” 
“We’ve got a nice little conjoined family here, don’t we?”
“We do. And who knows? Maybe if the Winchester curse is broken and you have a
little girl, we might become a family in more than just one way.” The ladies
sat down on the sofa and rambled on about Castiel and how cute he was until he
cried, letting Anna know that it was feeding time. Mary held her hands to her
belly and rocked slowly, comforting her unborn child. That’s how John found
her- rocking and humming “Hey Jude” alone in the living room. He sat down next
to his bride and kissed her cheek, joining in on her humming.
In time, the leafs began to change and fall to the ground, littering the
farmlands with oranges and reds and yellows. Gabriel had taken to jumping in
the large piles John and Cain had spent hours raking, but the men didn’t
complain. Instead, they told Gabriel that he could only jump if he helped rake
them up after he made a mess. Gabriel obliged, and that is how Anna and Mary
found themselves giggling over Gabriel flailing his arms as he tried to hold
the large rake.
On October 31st, Gabriel went to school dressed as a homeless man, proudly
holding a sign that read, “Will Work For Candy.” Since they lived a bit away
from town, John and Cain offered to take him closer to the school district so
that he could go trick-or-treating while Mary and Anna stayed at home and
rested. Both men dressed as hobos as per Gabriel’s request. Mary and Anna took
picture after picture. When they returned home that night, Gabriel proceeded to
throw up twice, earning both men a lecture on how they shouldn’t have let him
eat as they walked around, as well as on the ride home. The next morning,
however, Gabriel asked if he could have chocolate chip and candy corn pancakes.
He was very disappointed when oatmeal was placed in front of him.
Thanksgiving came quickly and Gabriel was adamant on naming the turkey
Bartholomew. No one questioned the small boy. Bartholomew was eaten at the
Shurley’s residence and everyone went around and said what they were thankful
for. Mary was showing quite a bit, and the adults couldn’t get enough of
feeling the baby kick.
If Autumn was beautiful on the farms, Winter was Heaven. Mounds of snow built
up naturally across the cascading fields and the grand oak was wrapped in
layers of snow. Winter birds chirped and flew around the snowmen Gabriel had
built during the snow days, and fuzzy socks and flannels were a must for
everyone. When they could, Mary and John would make the walk over to the
Shurley’s via the path that John and shoveled after the first snowfall. Hot
cocoa was made and Christmas movies were watched. Gabriel wrote a letter to
Santa and made sure to include a gift or two for his little brother. The adults
tried to tell him that a baby couldn’t possibly eat candy just yet, but Gabriel
said that only Santa could decide that.
It was the night after Christmas and a snowstorm had hit the countryside. John
and Mary were cuddled up in their bed, their hands on Mary’s baby bump and
smiles plastered across their faces.
“This time next year Santa would have come.” John hummed in agreement with his
wife. “John, what if a storm comes when the baby’s born? What if we can’t get
to the hospital?”
“Don’t worry, Mary. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure that you and
the baby are okay. I promise.” He kissed her forehead and turned the bedside
lamp off. That night they both slept peacefully, tucked away in their little
corner of happiness.
***** Chapter 2 *****
January, 1989
 
Dean Winchester was born on January 24th, 1989. Mary had gone into labor right
as she was getting ready for bed, and seven hours later, a baby boy was born at
3:27 in the morning. His sandy hair, striking green eyes, and freckles, which
were scattered across his nose and cheeks, made him a cute contrast from the
newest addition to the Shurley family. Hours upon hours were spent watching the
two little ones roll around on a blanket or try to interact with each other.
Sometimes Gabriel would tell them stories he would make up about the adventures
they would all have when they got older. Winter break ended, however, and
Gabriel found himself going back to school where he would brag about his baby
brother and new neighbor.
Every morning Gabriel would do his signature “knickety knock knock” on the
Winchester’s back door to pop in and say goodbye to the little Winchester. When
Cain dropped him off at school and went to work, Mary kissed John goodbye and
Anna would come over with Castiel. The gate that stood between their homes was
kept open at all times now, making it easier for Gabriel to scamper over when
he got home from school.
Castiel and Dean had taken a mutual liking to each other, so much that their
schedules were synched. When one of them ate, so did the other. When Castiel
took a nap, Dean fell asleep cuddled up next to him. It wasn’t long before both
families’ refrigerators were covered in Polaroid pictures of the two babies.
Mary and Anna would knit them matching hats and booties, and it was a rare
occasion that either of the boy’s names were mentioned without the other name
following.
Valentine’s Day arrived and Gabriel came home from school with more candy and
cards than his parents thought he would- it was suspected that he snuck extra
candy from his classmates. He was sprawled out on the Shurley’s living room
floor, lying on top of wrappers with chocolate smeared all over his mouth when
a little light bulb went on above his head.
“Ma!” he yelled, rolling over onto his little sugar gut. “Ma! I have an idea
but I need Cassie and Dean!”
“Gabriel, what on earth are you thinking of doing?” his mother asked, holding a
sleeping Castiel in her arms.
“I wanna make them cupids! They’re little and are already wearing diapers!”
“Gabriel, no. I will not let you torment your brother and Dean.”
“That’s right,” Mary chimed. “Not until we get the cameras!” And so a picture
of Dean and Castiel laying on a blanket with poorly cut out wings and hearts
was added to the fridges.
Easter was no different. The four parents took their children to the mall to
see the Easter Bunny, all decked out in their Sunday best for pictures. Gabriel
insisted on wearing neon colors and he stood out in only a way he could pull
off. Another picture was added to the two fridges and even more candy was
consumed.
The year was 1992. Dean and Castiel had become little handfuls, and the dynamic
duo being inseparable. Dean was talkative and outgoing, much like Gabriel. Next
to him, Castiel was quiet and shy. Gabriel, who was now eight, took full
advantage of the four year olds, making them do all of his dirty work when it
came to pranking.
Summer had come again and the boys were all outside with their mothers, cooling
off from a day of running around under the grand oak after a Sunday picnic by
drinking sweet tea and sitting under the shade. John and Cain sat on the patio
and smoked cigars, pretending to drink their beer slower than they actually
were. Both men kept looking forward, afraid that if they looked at each other
to speak, their wives would get nosey and ask them what they talked about later
on. Some conversations were best left alone.
“Hey, Cain. What’s that Castiel’s doing with his hands?” John studied Castiel
carefully as the boy sat Indian style, hands bouncing up and down on his knees.
“The doctors call it ‘flapping’ or something like that.”
“But why’s he doing it?”
Cain took a long drag from his cigar before putting it out on the bottom of his
boot. With a huff, he reclined in the chair and closed his eyes. “Anna was
worried about him. Had been for a long while. Kid was always quiet and formed a
routine of sorts. Always woke up at seven, always went to sleep at eight, hell-
he hardly speaks, you know that. He’s got quirks. Too emotional, too. Anyway,
Anna got sick and tired of me saying that he would get normal the older he got,
so she took him to the doctors. Doctor told her to bring him to a psychologist,
then they went to a neurologist.”
“And?”
“And what? She came back and told me that my son’s a fucking freak, John. That
fucking flapping he’s doing is because he’s fucking Autistic, and dammit, I
don’t know what to do about it.” John leaned forward in his chair, watching how
Castiel’s trance was broken when Dean sat down next to him and put a daisy on
his knee right under his hand.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Good. I want to keep it under wraps as best I can. Boy’s more emotional than a
girl. If he doesn’t grow out of that then he’ll at least need to act like a
human being.”
“Cain, just because he has Autism doesn’t mean he isn’t a human being.” Cain
stood up from his seat, causing John to startle and look up at him. He finished
his beer and set the empty bottle down before turning to go inside. 
“There are different types of fucked up, John. If you kill a man, you’re a
murderer. If you rape a girl, you’re a rapist. If you have cancer, you’re-“
John stood up, cutting him off.
“Don’t you dare stand there and try to tell me that your four year old boy
having a neurological issue is the same as having a life threatening disease or
raping or killing. It’s not the same, and as a father, I will not let you treat
your son that way.”
“You don’t get a say in how I raise my children, John. Now, I’m going to get
another beer. When I come back out, you’re going to drop this and pretend like
it never happened. Clear?” John wanted to argue, to tell Cain that he was being
inconsiderate, but he let it go. Back under the tree, Castiel was trying not to
cry, apologizing to everyone while Anna and Mary tried to tell him that it
wasn’t his fault. None of them had actually heard what the two men were arguing
about, but deep down, Castiel knew. 
That night as Anna tucked him into bed, he didn’t speak. He had stopped talking
after they separated from Dean and Mary not long after the outburst. He held
his mother’s hand as they walked back to their house, and as soon as he got
through the door, he took his shoes off, washed his hands, and went up to his
room. Gabriel found him sitting on the edge of his bed, gaze stuck on the wall
ahead.
“Hey, Cassie, can I come in?” Castiel didn’t answer. “Okay then. I’ll just stay
out here and talk. I need you to listen to me. I don’t know anything about this
Autism thing, okay? I’m only eight. But you’re only four so it must be even
scarier for you. But don’t let this define you, okay? You’re still my little
brother and you’re still a cool dude and I’m not gonna stop loving you. Okay?”
When Castiel still didn’t move or answer, Gabriel walked down the stairs to
leave him to himself. When Castiel thought it was safe, he began to cry
silently.
“Shhh, sweetie. It’s okay.” His mother’s arms wrapped around him as her soft
voice comforted him. “Mommy loves you. I’ll always love you, no matter what.
You’re my perfect little angel.” Castiel normally wasn’t one for touching or
contact, but he let his mother hold him and calm him down. There was just
something about a mother’s embrace that made things better.
He fell asleep crying, little arms wrapped around Anna’s neck in a hug. She
tucked him in and went down stairs to find Cain sitting alone at the kitchen
table. “This doesn’t change anything. He’s still our little boy, and the
professionals said that there are different ends to the spectrum. Don’t assume
the worst.”
“It’s hard not to, Anna. This isn’t something that can be fixed with
medications or therapy or surgery. I don’t know how to handle this.”
“Neither do I. We’ll figure it out together, okay? I’m going over to see Mary.
She asked if I could help put the finishing touches on the new nursery.” Anna
made her way to the kitchen door and stopped, turning her head to look at her
husband. “If Castiel comes down while I’m gone, please just be patient. You
were able to do that before he was…diagnosed, but now that there’s a label
attached to him, it’s harder for everyone. He needs both of his parents right
now.”
Anna returned home late that night. As she walked back into the kitchen she saw
Castiel sitting at the table drinking a glass of milk. “Hey there, sweetie,”
she cooed. “Is Daddy upstairs?” Castiel nodded his head and took another sip
from his straw.
“I’m sorry I’m not normal.” His little voice was soft and cracking from crying.
It broke Anna’s heart to hear her youngest son talk in such a manner.
“Castiel, I want you to make me a promise. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that
you aren’t normal. That you aren’t perfect or smart or wonderful. Because you
are.” 
“That’s not what Daddy says.” Anna gripped the edge of the counter and closed
her eyes tight, making sure that Castiel couldn’t see her. “I heard him talking
to himself after you left. He didn’t know I was on the steps. He probably
thought I was asleep like Gabriel. I shouldn’t have listened in on him. I’m
sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.”
Anna composed herself and rinsed out the now empty glass. “I’m not mad at you,
Castiel. How about this- tomorrow I have to work a late shift at the hospital.
You’ll be sleeping over at Dean’s house. But then I don’t have to work for the
next two days, so me and you are going to do something extra special. We can go
to the park and feed the ducks, or go see a movie, or play board games, or
whatever you want to do. And I can make you a grilled cheese with ham and tater
tots for lunch and read you your favorite story before you go to bed. Gabriel
will be over at a friend’s house and Daddy will be away on business, so you
wont have to share me with anyone. Does that sound like fun?”
Castiel shook his head enthusiastically, which made his mother smile. “Come on,
now. It’s time for bed.” Castiel held out his arms and Anna lifted him up. He
hid his face in her neck as she climbed the stairs with him, and by the time
she had him tucked under his bumblebee sheets, he was sound asleep. With a kiss
to the forehead, she turned off his lamp and left to go into her own room.
Cain was fast asleep, snoring loudly with the television still on. Anna got
ready for bed and tried to get some sleep. By the time she woke up for her
shift, he would be in another state for his business meeting. A few days to
cool off would do him good, she thought. She would talk to him when he got home
at the end of the week.
Anna had dropped Gabriel and Castiel off at the Winchester’s at noon before she
left for work. She had explained to Mary what was going on with Castiel, and
the other was very accepting. The Winchesters had gotten used to Castiel’s
quirks in the four years that he had developed them, and for the most part, he
was just like Dean. The three boys all ran up to Dean’s room to play with the
little cars he had been collecting, leaving Mary to some quiet time before John
got home.
At six o’clock, John walked through the door and kissed his wife. The boys were
called down and told to wash up for dinner while John started to make mac n’
cheese with cut up hot dogs. He was in the middle of telling Mary about his day
when the phone rang. Mary, in an attempt to keep her husband from complaining
about how people should know better than to call during meal times, answered
the phone. Very few words left her mouth- a simple, “Yes, this is she,”
followed by a choked sob. John rushed to her from the other side of the
kitchen, boiling water and elbow macaroni splattering onto the floor as the pot
fell from the stove in the hurried movements. Mary dropped the phone before
John could get to her. The phone bounced on its cord as John caught his wife
before she could fully hit the floor.
“Hello? No, this is her husband. Who is this?” The three boys watched in
silence as John finished the conversation and hung up. “Boys, go upstairs.”
Dean didn’t want to leave his mother. He hated to see her upset and in pain,
but if the look on John’s face was anything to go by, now was not the time to
try and argue.
Gabriel was the first to stand up, followed by Castiel, and then Dean. Mary was
soaking her husband’s shirt with her tears, unable to hold them back until the
boys got up to Dean’s room. Her head shifted when she heard Dean whisper
“Mommy,” and she looked down into fearful green eyes.
“Go upstairs, Dean. Please.”
Dean hugged his mother quickly. “I love you, Mommy.”
“I love you too, Dean.” Dean padded over to where his friends were waiting for
him and took hold of Castiel’s hand before scurrying up the stairs to his room.
When they got there, Gabriel shut the door so that the adults could have as
much privacy as they needed. Dean and Castiel were sitting on the bed, still
holding hands, as embroidered cowboys lay still under them on the comforter.
They sat in silence until John opened the door and cautiously walked in. He
ruffled his son’s hair and told him that he could go sit with Mary if he wanted
to, but that he had to talk to Gabriel and Castiel. Dean looked at his friend
as if to ask for permission to go downstairs. Castiel let go of his hand and
gave a weak smile. When the sounds of Dean’s footsteps vanished, John knelt
down in front of the Shurley boys.
“Did we do something wrong, Mr. Winchester?” 
“No, Gabriel. You boys didn’t do anything wrong at all. That was a nurse from
the hospital on the phone. She works with your mommy. Now, I know that you are
both very brave boys. And I want you to know that your parents love you both
very much.” He paused for a moment and tried to figure out how to keep the boys
calm with what he was about to say. “There was an accident at the hospital and
your mommy was hurt. Your daddy is on his way back from his business trip, but
the nurse said that he asked her to call us and bring you boys to the hospital.
Your daddy needs you right now. So does your mommy. Can you go put your shoes
on so that we can be there for when your daddy arrives?”
Castiel did his very best to not flap his hands. He needed to be brave for his
mother, and whenever he acted differently, his father got upset. He could cry
and flap when they were at the hospital, and then his mother could comfort him
and make it better.
When they got to the front door, Dean and Mary were ready to go as well.
“Mary, you should stay here with Dean.”
“John, I am not going to just sit around and wait here when there are three
little boys and two men who need a woman around to keep everything under
control. Anna is my friend. She’s like a sister to me. I am not going to
abandon her.”
“And I’m not gonna ab-aband-aband-leave Cas! Or Gabe!”
There was no arguing with his wife and son. They loaded the boys into the car
and made their way to the hospital. By the time they got there, Gabriel was
sitting like a stone looking out the window while Dean and Castiel slept, heads
leaning against each other. John carried the two sleeping boys into the
hospital while Gabriel held Mary’s hand, unsure at this point of who was
comforting whom. They made their way up to the Intensive Care Unit at a
sprinting pace. By the time they reached the right level, Dean and Castiel had
woken up and were trotting behind John for the last stretch.
They could head Cain yelling at someone behind closed doors as they entered the
little waiting room. Mary and John held the boys close, telling them that
everything was going to be okay, unsure if they even believed that themselves.
Silence fell over them as Cain entered the waiting room, his hands running over
his face and through his hair as he sat down across from John. His eyes were
red and lifeless and his skin was pale. Every inch of him was shaking. Everyone
held their breath, waiting for him to snap and crumble.
"There was an accident." He didn't look up from the floor. “Anna…she was just
leaving for the night, on her way home. She- Oh, God, I can’t.” Mary ushered
the boys out of the room, reassuring them that everything was going to be okay.
She knew, deep down in her heart that it wouldn’t, but the boys did not need to
know that right now. She needed to keep them calm until their father collected
himself. If Cain were to blow up like he had when they first arrived, the boys
would be better off not seeing it. 
Dean and Castiel were holding hands, giving each other reassuring looks, so
Gabriel took it upon himself to be an adult and put off a fight. 
“I want to stay with my Dad!”
“Gabriel, you need to keep an eye on Castiel and Dean. The grown ups need to
talk right now, but I promise that you will all be able to come back in.” He
pouted. Oh boy, did he pout. But he didn’t say another word. A nurse with kinky
bleached hair took the boys into a room where they could wait, telling Mary
that she could come and get them when they were ready.
“Cain, please try to calm down. Tell us what’s going on.” John was seated next
to a shaking Cain, trying to calm him down. He looked up at his wife and
tightened his lips into a thin line. Mary walked over the two men and sat down
on the unoccupied side of the devastated man.
“She was on her way to her car.” Cain was digging his nails into his skin as he
spoke. A fresh batch of tears were building up behind his clamped lids and he
was struggling to speak. “She was so close. So close. She…she was parked by the
emergency entrance…a car…fucking son of a bitch…. He didn’t see her. He…he
hit…. The bastard ran over her….” Mary brought her hands to cover her mouth.
She had been doing her best to stay calm and collected, but all of that was
lost with those words. Cain leaned back in his seat, defeat engulfing him. It
would take a miracle and more for his wife to survive the damage done by the
car.
Gabriel, who had snuck out of the room and made his way to the door that
shielded him from the adults, had his ear pressed up against the door and heard
the entire thing. He clinched his eyes shut and tried to wipe away the tears
that had been gathering in his eyes. He took a deep breath and turned to walk
across the hall and back into the room where Dean and Castiel were sitting on
the stained green floor. He couldn't help but chuckle at the two of them. There
was Castiel, who was sitting with his legs spread out in front of him and his
head tilted looking at Gabe, and Dean, who was right up in Cassie's personal
space, knees bent in front of him and bright green eyes glued to his best
friend.
After what seemed like an eternity, but was only half an hour in the warped
reality they found themselves in, the boys were collected by Mary and brought
in to see their father. He told them that their mommy had been in an accident,
and that the doctors were helping her get better so that she could come home,
but that-he had to stay at the hospital that night just in case she needed
anything. Gabriel and Castiel did not argue. They were far too tired and still
slightly confused as to why they couldn’t see their mother. Gabriel had made
the point of saying that whenever he or Castiel got boo-boos, she would kiss
them better, and that maybe if they kissed her, she wouldn’t hurt anymore. Cain
let a tear fall at the words of his son but told him that sometimes, on a rare
occasion like this, it takes a little more than that to cure a boo-boo. 
John and Mary took the three boys home and sat them down in the kitchen after
making them hot chocolate in an attempt to get them sleepy again. John dug a
sleeping bag out of the attic for Gabriel, knowing very well that if he got one
for Castiel, it would not be used. Every time they had a sleep over, regardless
of whose house it was at, Dean and Castiel always ended up in the same bed the
next morning. John wasn’t about to argue with everything going on. 
After the lights were turned off and John’s snoring could be heard, Dean
whispered to Castiel, asking him if he was still awake. Dean spent the next
half hour sitting on top of the covers and flapping his hands with his best
friend in an attempt to make him feel better. 
Mary was sleeping when the sun rose, seeping through the cracks in the drapes.
John had woken up around three and couldn’t fall back asleep. As gracefully as
two hundred pounds of former marine could, he crept out of bed and made his way
down the hall to Dean’s room. Gabriel was sprawled out on top of the sleeping
bag and sure enough, Dean and Castiel were clutching to each other in the small
twin sized bed. They looked peaceful despite the madness that was blanketing
them. Dean nuzzled Castiel in his sleep and John sighed. One day he would have
to tell his son that he couldn’t share a bed with his best friend- that it was
inappropriate for two boys to act that way, but that was a conversation for
another day.
 
John knelt down and shook Gabriel’s shoulder just hard enough to wake him
before whispering to Dean and Castiel that it was time to get up. The three
boys left the bedroom and brushed their teeth against their will and marched
down the stairs to wait while John helped Mary get ready. At eight A.M. sharp
they went back to the hospital. Anna was in a private room, bandaged and hooked
up to multiple machines. It hurt her family and friends to see her like this.
The car had broken most of her bones, resulting in organs being punctured and
destroyed. She was black and blue where she was not in casts, and swollen all
over. The doctors were amazed that she had lasted this long considering the
speed the vehicle was going. Opening her eyes and speaking were a struggle, but
she fought because her boys were there. 
“Don’t be scared, boys,” Cain told them. “Mommy just has a really big band aid
on, that’s all. A big band aid for a big boo-boo.” Gabriel took his little
brother by the hand and they made their way over to the hospital bed. Mary held
her stomach and John picked up Dean. Anna tried to smile at her sons. 
“Oh, my boys…my beautiful boys. I need you to promise me something. Can you do
that?” Cautious head shakes were a silent response. “Don’t ever forget,” she
began. Her voice was weak and almost a whisper, and yet, as dry as they were,
the words held all the weight in the world. “Don’t ever forget that goodbye
isn’t forever. Oh, my boys…I love you so much. Take good care of your father
for me? Oh now, Gabriel…don’t cry. You and Castiel both. You’re my brave little
boys…my little angels. Be kind to each other…and to your father. Protect each
other. And most importantly…please…always keep love in your lives. Don’t ever
shut it out…once it’s gone, it’s very hard to get back. Until another
sunset…until another rain.”
Not long after, Gabriel and Castiel were standing side by side as people they
didn't know told them how sorry they were for their loss. Castiel wanted to run
out of the room and be alone. His sweater vest and tie made him hot and itchy,
and he couldn’t flap with all of these people around. He couldn't tell how much
time had passed since they people started coming. He was only certain of two
things: one, he wanted his mom, and two, he needed his best friend.
Almost as if Dean could read his thoughts, Castiel found himself in the four
year old's embrace as most of the love Cain held inside of him dissipated from
existence. They left the big room and sat on a bench outside where they flapped
their hands until Castiel stopped crying.
"It's gonna be okay, Cas. I promise."
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