Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4892542.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS, DMTN_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Jung_Hoseok_|_Simon_Park
  Character:
      Jung_Hoseok_|_J-Hope, Simon_Park
  Additional Tags:
      Angst, Drama, Childhood_Trauma, Sexual_Content, Alternate_Universe
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-09-28 Completed: 2015-10-19 Chapters: 9/9 Words: 37582
****** Jung Hoseok vs Simon Park ******
by AccusedSanity
Notes
     This is actually not a Fanfic, it's an RP. Jung Hoseok, who is a
     bartender in this AU fic/RP is played by myself, and Simon Park,
     who's a hot University teacher is played by my friend, BunbunQuinn
     { https://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/317756} . If you want to
     see the original location of the RP, please PM, otherwise enjoy this
     little... chaotic adventure.
     (Yes I turned Hobi into a sexual beast. Don't say you weren't
     imagining that too!)
     --
***** Chapter 1 *****
Jung Hoseok was nothing more than a quiet, tattooed bartender a few minutes
before he arrived to the apartment he was sent to. He did not know where he was
going, nor what he was sent there to do. In all honesty, he was too lazy to
read the job description that was given to him by the director who hurriedly
explained to him that he would be acting in an apartment for one week. For a
week of non-scripted work, the pay was something he could not refuse.
What he was not expecting, however, was an angry, older roommate who could flip
his switch so easily.
***** Meeting *****
So this was it, huh?
 
Walking into the “set”, as it had been described to the university teacher, he
found that it was very much lacking in any sort of ‘set-like’ qualities. No
overly bright lights. No people buzzing around. No cue cards.
 
Fuck.
How was he supposed to get comfortable? This was like some uncanny valley shit,
where it looked like a normal apartment, but there was just something
inherently off about it. Simon just assumed it was knowing that he was under
surveillance as the director walked him through the apartment, showing off the
various features that the fully furnished place had. Simon’s only concern was
where he could find the nearest bar, or if they had provided that for him, too.
If the school he worked for considered this a vacation, he did too. And if the
airtime was past midnight, he doubted most of his students would tune in to see
him getting ‘turnt up’ or whatever it was the kids called it these days.
Sometimes he felt so out of touch despite his time spent with the young men and
women that would soon run the world, but sometimes he was thankful for it.
 
Setting his bag down on the bed - which, curiously, there was only one of -
Simon nodded along with the rules and standards and blah-blah-blah broadcasting
terms and such. They wanted drama, sex, and stuff that gained them viewers, so
pretty much everything was fair game and there were no cameras in the bedroom,
which made everything implied. That was cool enough, at least Simon knew if he
ended up drunk, he could just stay in bed and nobody would witness his
personality change. Thanking the director once more, Simon walked him out
before looking up at where one of the cameras was, adjusting his glasses. He
had a little time to kill, waiting on his partner, so he decided to raid the
fridge.
 
He was happy to find, when they said fully stocked, they meant it. Some of his
favorite food items - and more specifically, beverages - were stocked in the
fridge for him to partake in, and the teacher wasted no time in digging right
in, making himself a sandwich that would be spoken about forever and cracking
open a soda. Leaning against the kitchen counter, Simon ate in silence,
wondering exactly how long he’d have to wait to find out what his roommate
would be like.
–
Hoseok, as expected was late again. There was a fight this time at the
Nightclub, and he had to work along the bouncers to push the two men apart. It
earned him a nice purple mark on his jaw. He was sick of this worthless job,
but had nowhere better to go. He’d heard about a job offer as an actor on a
strangely described TV show. He didn’t care much for plot as there was no
script to memorize, and the pay was damn worth it.
He stood still at the front door of the apartment and stared down at the piece
of paper that was handed to him by the director for location and job
description. He was far too tired to look it over and just wanted to sleep for
the time being. Hoseok turned the handle after sliding his key in and stepped
in, throwing his bag to the closest chair to him and shuffled towards the
kitchen for some water before bed.
His heart struck his throat hard as soon as he stepped into the kitchen. He
could not quite control his voice as a scream escaped and he grabbed on to the
counter to his right for support, “You scared me!” he said through gasps. He
rubbed his chest and frowned, “Who the hell are you?” he rudely blurted at the
blond man with glasses.
–
Hearing the key turn in the lock, Simon’s carefully trained ears prepared him
for the entrance of another into the living space, however, the response he
earned was nothing short of shocking. He was not expecting the other to yelp so
loudly - especially once he took in the outer visage, something that spoke of a
much tougher interior - nor was he expecting the other to be so foul-mouthed
when they just met. Shaking his head slightly, Simon set down the sandwich and
ran a hand through his blond hair, pushing it back.
“I’m Simon Park. Your roommate-date-whatever-you-want-to-call-it for the time
being. Starting now, I believe we have seven days to get to know one another.
I’m suddenly not looking forward to them.” His usual brisk tone floated
throughout the room, still speaking like a teacher even though he was far
removed from his usual environment. His eyes fluttered behind his glasses, from
the other’s, to his bruised face, down to his worn in shoes, over to his
carelessly tossed bag, and back up as Simon sized up his partner. Amazing. He
would get stuck with someone that looked like he belonged in an inked weekly
magazine.
 
“Are you going to at least give me your name?” He asked quickly following his
last words, disliking the rate he was waiting to hear anything in response from
the easily startled male.
–
“Jung… Hoseok…” the words escaped his mouth instinctively as he gaped at the
older male, he would have to assume. His words had struck him to complete
immobility for a few moments. He, however, did not miss how the other scanned
him after his harsh words.
Hoseok raised an eyebrow, moving his eyes to the wrinkled paper still in his
hands and reading the job description carefully this time. “We’re… a couple?”
he absentmindedly spoke once more, mentally beating himself up for being so
damn careless. How was he supposed to live with this stranger for a week while
being expected to act like a couple? While being filmed! His thoughts ventured
off to places where they shouldn’t, as his eyes examined the older man once
more. He was dressed in long sleeves yet it was clear he took good care of his
body. He had to admit he’d always had a thing for guys with glasses too, so
that was a pretty good bonus. His mouth stretched to one side as he continued
to imagine this man being beneath him, tied down, and struggling against the
holds of the ropes-
He shook his head and blinked a few times, moving towards the fridge and taking
out a bottle of water. His eyes couldn’t help but find the man again, his frown
only turning Hoseok on further as he chocked on his water. What the hell was he
thinking?
–
It irked Simon to see that mouth gaped wide open, as though trying to catch
something in it. It did make him think for a second, of tugging at the
piercings he saw, wondering if they worked like little levers to get this
other, “alternative”, young man to shut his lips. That would be nice. Then he
wouldn’t have to stare into his mouth all afternoon.
Finishing up the last bite of the carefully crafted and delicious sandwich, the
elder kept his eyes on the tattooed male, trying to surmise a bit about him.
Early 20s, no doubt, but that was the easy part. Career, likes (aside from
needles), and anything other than “spacey” as an adjective were impossible to
discern. But he must be thinking of something fairly twisted for his mouth to
stretch into that half-grin, something that almost seemed… predatory. Ugh. He
didn’t want to try and play those sorts of games with Simon. He’d have him
hogtied and in a closet somewhere for the remainder of the week. Well… at least
there were only 10,048 minutes left for them to survive, he thought, checking
his watch.
Picking up his plate as the other maneuvered around him to the fridge, Simon
placed his dishes in the sink, unbuttoning his cuffs and rolling them up
methodically, pushing them over his elbows. “Yeah, that’s what you signed up
for. And clearly, they’re hoping for 'opposites attract’ with us.” He finally
gave answer to Hoseok’s question as he started the water and began to wash his
dishes. “So we may as well get to know a bit about one another. What do you do
for a living?” He asked, not even bothering to turn his head.
–
Oh there it was. Oh he definitely liked this one and somehow the cameras
staring back at him did not even slightly distress him. Thinking of this man
pushed down while the cameras were rolling may have created the opposite effect
as he freely allowed his friend to rise. 'Opposites attract huh? Damn right.’
His eyes slowly maneuvered across the older’s body, only stopping to gawk at
his ass. Was this man a personal trainer by chance? There was something
ultimately fascinating about this one and Hoseok wanted so badly to break him.
“I’m a temporary bartender at a nightclub.” He walked towards the older and
leaned against the counter, enjoying the look of disgust he was given by being
far too close, “what did you think I was?” He gave him a once-over, the stretch
to his lips increasing as he tried to control himself, “better yet, what do you
do?” He emphasized the words as he closed the small space between them, still
making sure to not touch him, but only making him as uncomfortable as possible.
–
The skin on the back of Simon’s neck prickled with the feeling of another being
so close, and this time, it wasn’t the creepy feeling he had gotten when he
first entered the apartment. Nope. This time it was definitely his supposed
lover to be; sadly the proximity made the teacher feel more like Street Fighter
than Romeo. His lips remained pulled taught in a grimace of disgust, and his
eyes shifted to see where, or what this other guy was doing… For some godawful
reason, he felt the need to watch his back - and more specifically, his ass -
around him.
Finishing up with the few eating implements that he had used, Simon set them up
on the drying rack and reached to the side to tug at any random drawer, hoping
for a dishcloth. Unfortunately, all he found was Hoseok’s hip, which did him no
good, only leading to a rise in the feeling of 'strangle him now and get it
over with’. Huffing a displeased breath through his nose, he turned the
opposite way and went into the bathroom, grabbing a towel from there to dry his
hands, and, perchance, to put some space between them.
“I’m a teacher. I figured you were an artist, based on your many pieces, and
that we might get along under those terms, but I see that isn’t the case.” The
elder’s curt words were born with a soft smile, obviously faked, as he wondered
what he would have to do to negate his contract for this show, or just gain a
different 'date’ for the week. Simon leaned one shoulder into the doorway to
the kitchen, keeping as much space between them as possible while still
remaining polite and present. “At least if you’re a bartender, you’ll be able
to make a decent martini for me if I asked, right?” His forced grin was
bordering on painful now as he spared a little laugh, glad to drop the facade
for a second and really just make a scornful comment.
–
'Nooo.. it can’t be… he’s a teacher!’ Hoseok tilted his head back and grunted
while looking up into the ceiling. This was far too much for him to handle. Not
only was this man completely sexy, even in his defensive manners, but he was
even a teacher. Dominating him became Hoseok’s life goal. How could this man
have such an impact on him so quickly he did not know, but he wasn’t going to
fight it.
“Art huh?” Hoseok’s voice grew deeper with need, his head lowering again to
raise an eyebrow at the man, “Well, like I said, temporary job. I’m training to
become a dance teacher.” His steps were wide as he closed the distance between
them once more, not knowing exactly when he became somewhat masochistic, his
pleasure rising again and again with every scowl he received. His bulge was
apparent now, greeting them through his leather-like jeans, and he did nothing
to hide it.
“But you know…” Hoseok began, licking his lips and eyeing the man lustfully, “I
can do far more for you than just a meager martini” he was blocking Simon now,
their faces as close as possible without having to touch, but he could feel the
other’s increased breathing on his skin, never breaking eye contact. He was
careful not to touch him however. Hoseok embraced his sexuality long ago, he
was lustful, and loved teasing more than anything. He enjoyed many kinks and
foreplay was something he possessed a certain gift for, however, he would not
touch someone who did not want to be touched. Regardless of his forward
appearance and sexual desires, Hoseok was gentle.
He definitely wanted this one. He most certainly wanted to make him fidget and
absolutely break him, but unless he was willing, Hoseok kept the small bit of
distance intact.
***** Dominance *****
Being dominated was on thing, being talked to in such a vulgar and seductive
way as the elder had just done was, to Hoseok's mind, asking him to go insane.
'So he's a top' Hoseok licked his lips after the kiss, closing his eyes to
control his breathing and shaking. He was so turned on at this point that he
had forgotten all about his previous plans to break Simon into a million
fragments beneath him. For now, a small piece of him- even if it were inside
him- would do.
Hoseok moved quickly when the taller man moved away, his feet shifting sideways
as he grabbed the man's collar and pushed him hard, bruises would be fun to see
on him. Their lips were connected again and Hoseok wanted to hear this man moan
at all costs. He bit down on his lower lip and was granted entrance as his
tongue roamed the inside of the elder's mouth. His hands were now free to move
about the other's body as permission was given in the form of a lustful,
authoritative kiss.
Hoseok gripped Simon's shirt for support as his knees were shaking from
excitement. He could feel the heat between them rising, his hips moving on
their own, grinding against the elder's finally excited member.
Only moments passed before Hoseok separated their lips to breath, their
foreheads touching slightly. Their eyes met again as he smirked, a certain
thought popping to his head. Maybe this wasn't enough to vocalize the elder,
but his next move might. He gave the other a small peck on the lips as a means
to display his liking for him and his rough attitude before slowly sliding down
Simon's body, facing his groin, his hands snaking down and undoing his belt and
unbuttoning his jeans. Eye contact was a necessity with this one, he loved
looking into his eyes and watching his expressions. "I may have blocked out
everything you said hyung.." he used his teeth to unzip his pants, "May have
only heard 'suck cock'". His smirk widened as he licked Simon's member through
his boxers.
--
It wasn't as though this was a first for the teacher, having someone think they
could dominate him - maybe it was the fact that he kept his hair bleached? who
knows - So it was not exactly strange to see the awkward change in reaction,
when Hoseok realized that he had to treat the man differently than he had been,
but what happened next was hardly status quo, and far from what he imagined.
Not that he could lie; Hoseok tasted like lust incarnate, and it was delicious,
gladly giving himself over to the whims of the kiss he had teased the other
with, all heated tempers and hungry lips. He even allowed the other to lead him
along, gladly swallowing his anger to let Hoseok's thick tongue replace the
feeling in his mouth, glad to share saliva rather than venom for a heated
moment. This was almost surreal. Hoseok had to be doing it for the cameras.
That was the only thought that kept running through Simon's head the entire
time, though he gladly went along with the flow, his body mildly aroused as the
other continued to try and work him over.
Watching Hoseok slither down his legs and come to rest face-to-groin with his
rapidly inflating length, the teacher let a hot breath work it's way out of his
lips, still tasting the other written across them. He was unable to stop -
either himself or the younger - from letting this go on, instead rolling his
hips impatiently as the other spoke. He really did have terrible timing, didn't
he? One hand, broad and obviously strong from his years of playing piano and
the cello- went up, pushing the snapback from Hoseok's head and running his
finger through his hair. It was soft, but that didn't change how Simon felt
about him in the slightest, grabbing it in his fist and pulling the male even
closer, rubbing his face over the wet cloth now covering his erection.
"Suck, not tease, unless you want this to end quite quickly." Simon demanded,
using his other hand to free his length, pushing the useless cloth down to meet
his pants around his calves. God, something about this- this sort of hate-sex-
was driving him mad, something one does not get the chance to experience
everyday. Shoving his length past the confines of the younger's pierced lips,
the elder wasted no time in getting his cock wet, the deep plunge he forced
upon the other met with a shaky breath, and his teeth digging into his thick
lower lip. No sound came from him yet; if Hoseok wanted to hear him moan, he'd
have to work hard for it.
--
Hoseok was not prepared to say the least, as Simon grabbed his hair and pushed
his cock into his mouth without much warning. He enjoyed the rough treatment,
that was clear enough as his own cock screamed for freedom, but to be choked so
violently was another story. Hoseok coughed, his airways being blocked was not
as easy to handle when you're not mentally ready. His tears pushed through as
he dug his nails into the other's thighs and pushed against them attempting to
release himself. The elder male may have acknowledge his movements as he
loosened his grip slightly and allowed him to breath for a moment. "Rough
aren't you teach? You like it when you punish your student with your cock?"
Hoseok wasted no time as he stroked Simon's cock while speaking. He wanted to
let him in on his not so secret fetish, and once that was achieved, he shut
himself up with the elder's member as he slid it back down his throat to the
hilt. His throat masterfully closed in on the other's cock, tightening around
it as he enjoyed the expressions he was making. He noticed that the other's
grip had loosened on his hair from his previous discomfort, which would not do
as he reached up and grabbed hold of the man's hand to tighten it and push on
his head.
As Simon pushed his cock repeatedly into his mouth, his tears quickened and his
nails were still digging into the man's thigh as his other hand mindlessly
moved down to release his own cock. Once removed from its confinement, he
grabbed hold of it and worked it with the same momentum of sucking the
teacher's cock. This was perfect. He knew the man had a kinky side to him from
his previous threats and he wanted to drive him so far into the edge in order
to release all those kinks and break Hoseok. He had yet to experience someone
so willing to hurt and hate him and he knew this sex was going to be damn good
if this man continued this behaviour.
--
A light hum reverberated in Simon's chest when he felt the other begin to
choke, a pleasured smile crossing his face. To have the other's throat spasming
so tightly around his length, and to feel how Hoseok clawed and begged with his
body for a breath... That kind of power just made Simon feel so relaxed for
some weird reason. Relaxed and all smiles as he kept his eyes fixed on the
younger's teary ones. God, this was like heaven. Until it all came crashing
down of course.
Simon wouldn't make the younger choke on his cock forever, but was wishing he
had when the other spoke to some sort of student/teacher fetish. It was always
a student/teacher fetish when he first brought someone new to bed. Why couldn't
he find someone that was into daddy kink or something else? It was almost as
though people wanted to believe he fucked his students every time they were
slightly out of line. The few that he did maintain that sort of relationship
with... Well, for them, calling him teacher was part of the rules, so that was
a moot point.
Re-affixing the hand in the other's hair that had slipped as he was lost in
thought, Simon scoffed as he began to fuck Hoseok's mouth relentlessly. "Who
gave you permission to touch yourself?" He asked as he watched the younger's
arm jerking quite quickly, burying his length one more time and holding him
there, lips pressed against Simon's hips, no chance for a breath. "Be a good
student and focus on the work at hand. You can't get your teacher off if you're
worried about your cock as well. There will be time for that later." He
grunted, eyes hooding over slightly as he waited, watching to see the
compliance he hoped would happen, because if not... Well, he was already
feeding into Hoseok's teacher kink, so his fuse was growing shorter and shorter
by the second. Tying someone up had never seemed as appealing as it did right
now.
--
Choked again and ordered to not touch himself, Hoseok was itching to retaliate
as he frowned into the violent hold on his head. He enjoyed this far more than
he should have, but there was something not quite there yet. Maybe if he
refused to do as he was told, the roles would be reversed and Simon would have
to do as he was thinking. He loved listening to his raspy voice speak in such a
filthy way, and hearing that grunt of pleasure caused a twitch to his neglected
cock as it leaked precum on the floor. He needed something more. He needed it
now.
Hoseok moved his head sideways and swiftly grabbed hold of the teacher's hand
and twisted it enough to weaken the hold on his head as he pulled away, showing
that he was much stronger than he looked. He smirked up at the man glaring down
at him and rubbed the drool from his lips with the back of his hand, gasping
for air. The man kicked off his pants and boxers, throwing them at Simon's
furious face, not caring whether he would get beaten for the act or not. "Oops,
sorry teach, my hand slipped"
His movements were slower this time, making sure to allow the teacher to take
in every bit of his alluring body as he stood teasingly. His long fingers
wrapped around his shirt as he pulled it off and threw it behind him. "Is
choking me all you know how to do?" he provoked further, spinning around
purposefully and walking towards the closest counter to lean on it, enjoying
the cold touch on the marble against the head of his cock. "It's kind of boring
to get off like that, no?"
--
The teacher regarded what happened next as a ploy for breath, and nothing more,
giving the other the benefit of the doubt on how and why he pulled away, but...
The blatant act of ripping off his clothes to throw them at Simon just proved
Hoseok was begging for something far worse to happen to him. "You little..."
His words came out growled, low and filled with hatred, eyes narrowing into
nothing more than blackened slits as the other continued to strip and act so
carefree about everything. He knew he was being provoking, but that didn't stop
him from acting as impulse dictated; Right now, it dictated that he do
everything in his power to leave the other a crumpled heap on the kitchen
floor.
Kicking off his own pants and boxers, Simon let his hands come up and work at
the buttons of his shirt, finding the closed fabric over his tattooed chest
quite cumbersome, especially when the other had the idea of being completely
bare in front of him. Taking the few steps towards Hoseok to close their gap
again - was the kitchen really that small and more importantly, why was he
thinking about it now? - Simon's hands worked quickly to grab and pin him. One
arm was twisted behind the younger's back, pinned up against his shoulder
blades; If he moved it, there was a chance he'd dislocate his shoulder, and the
hold Simon had on him also pushed his chest down into the counter. The other
tugged his hips backwards, bending him over properly.
"Well, since you find the easy way out 'boring', I guess this will have to do.
Do me a favor though: When you scream for mercy, don't beg for teacher. Call me
Daddy." Simon bent over Hoseok's body to ensure his whispered words were heard
close by the younger's ear as he arranged their figures to match. Giving no
warning, no stretching, and no fucks about what he was doing, the elder lined
his length up to Hoseok's hole and broke through that tight muscle that
resisted him, forcing his way inside of the other the same way Hoseok had
forced Simon to taste his tongue. Finally letting out the moan he'd been
suppressing for quite some time, the teacher tightened his hold on the
bartender's arm and hip, holding his place while he took advantage of the tight
body that he had been given.
--
All which he was hoping for was laid out for him so perfectly Hoseok was
starting to think the other read minds. Regardless of the harsh words which
accelerated the flow of precum from his own penis, and the pinning down so he
wouldn't be able to move without consequences causing him to bite his lip and
release a pleased groan, Hoseok was not prepared for what would happen next.
"Fuck!" he screamed as soon as the pain in his lower half struck him so hard it
caused actual tears to slip through as he fought the urge to sob. 'Has this
fucker never heard of lube?! At least use your fuckin' spit... shit...'
This was his doing, he was certain, and his pride was far too vast for him to
stop this act before it even started. His mind was reminded again of the words
the older man had ordered of him, and to ease the pain, he would have to
increase his pleasure. "Daddy please..." he gasped through every thrust, his
voice weaker than he'd ever heard it, "It hurts." he tried to reach behind him
with his free arm.
--
It wouldn't paint the blond in a fair light to lie; he loved this. Loved being
in this much control, loved having someone to put in their place - Especially a
tease like Hoseok. It was fitting, he felt, and more than satisfying on his
end. God, the sound his voice made as it crept higher in a scream... If nothing
else, it made Simon push himself more, to give the next thrust harder and
harder, pushing what he would now consider 'his toy' harder into the counter,
balancing his weight carefully on that pinned arm.
Hearing the way Hoseok broke so easily though - That simple, pained whimper,
the younger playing his game now - That was why he really did this. Just to
establish his dominance. Cooing softly through a smug smirk, Simon released the
grip he had held on the younger's hip, reaching out to grab his searching hand
with those soft words, rubbing his thumb over the back of the inked flesh
softly as he guided it down to Hoseok's neglected length, keeping his slightly
larger hand over the other's as he slowly stroked his cock.
"Shh, baby. Be a good boy and take it all..." His words came out thick with
lust and a hint of smugness, indicating the look he wore that the younger could
not see, although he was sure Hoseok could feel the way his cock throbbed deep
within his walls after hearing that 'special' name that was rarely ever uttered
to him before. "Daddy will make it feel good, I promise." He continued, feeding
his own ego as the thrusts became slightly shallower, slower paced, and closer
to how he should have started out in general. Not that he was being any nicer
about how he fucked the tattooed male beneath him, but he did have a bit of a
soft spot for his 'babies'.
--
'Oh fuck me' Hoseok rolled his eyes at the sudden delicate behaviour that came
out of the man who was a minute ago ready to rip him a new one. He was glad,
however, to receive a little treat of a larger hand over his own, guiding him
to absolute pleasure. Once his cock was hard enough and the pain subsided,
Hoseok was going to make this extra fun for himself, and possibly for the other
who so badly wanted to feel superiority.
Simon had yet to experience Hoseok fully. The man was known for his flexibility
and he paid no mind for what may happen if he were to attempt the latter.
Nevertheless he wanted the angry man back, pounding him mercilessly, hurting
him until he couldn't walk the next day- even if he may come to regret his
impulsive decisions. Having a day off from work and possibly pounded again by
this monster may have not-so-secretly turned Hoseok on further.
His movements were quick and not as clumsy as he thought they would be. He let
his cock slap against the counter, instead grabbing a strong hold of Simon's
arm and pulling himself up on the marble and twisting his body with enough
power to set the other off for only a moment- and a moment was all he needed.
His shoulder flicked, a vile sound of bones moving out of place as he screamed
but quickly recovered letting go of the older man's arm and grabbing hold of
his neck instead. He pulled hard so their noses were touching and wrapped his
legs around the man's hips. Hoseok gasped in pain but a smirk played on his
face, silently proud of his own skill as he lay on his back- the cold marble
easing some of his pain- the older man's cock still in it's place, warmed by
his walls, throbbing excitedly.
"Sorry, I may have allowed you some pleasure, daddy-" his breathing did not
help his act the least bit, "but now it's my turn" he tightened his hold on
Simon's neck and pushed on his ass with his heels. The push was stronger than
he intended but the pleasure was equivalent as he pushed his head closer to the
other's and connected their lips, breathing into his mouth more than actually
kissing, "Fuck me like this, don't fucking hold back." he whispered into his
mouth.
--
The next few second seemed like a blur and Simon wasn't sure exactly what the
other was doing, but quite frankly, he wasn't sure if he should be scared,
tending to the nasty sound of crackling bone, or pissed that Hoseok was turning
this around - again.
"Shit..."
He couldn't - nor did he try to - hide the singular, shocked word that poured
out of his bitten lips, now remembering why he only kept certain people to play
with like that. Not everybody could get away with being treated softly, and he
was wrong to even slow down on this one. But fuck it, Hoseok seemed to be some
sort of masochistic little nympho anyways, judging by the skill and scale of
his full body twist with minor shoulder dislocation. Simon now just sought out
to regain control, gain back the upper hand against the younger's insistent
body, and fucked him back into submission.
A large, strong hand wrapped around Hoseok's hip as Simon bared his teeth,
hating the way the younger was speaking against his lips, the temptation of a
kiss too hard to deny at this moment. Putting every one of his muscles to use,
the blond spat words back the the dark haired male as his other hand slid under
his chin, gripping his jaw tightly. He still wanted to strangle him, but would
wait for next time to see if that would be cool - even Simon had certain
boundaries he would not cross without permission. "Fucking little slut, was
that not hard enough for you?" He growled out, now beyond pissed between the
shift in position and the demanding words, pulling the younger's hips to his,
letting Hoseok crash against his body with each thrust. His whole aim was to
leave the younger bruised and bleeding now, and would not regret a damn thing.
--
This was it, he was feeling it now and his body was shaking completely out of
control. His mind alerted him at once the lack of control may lead to certain
consequences he did not want to create as he let go of the other's throat,
instead grabbing hold of his arm. His nails dug in further. Hoseok vocalized
his pain and pleasure, still unable to control his breathing. His legs dropped,
hanging on either side of the man as he arched his back, his moans louder than
intended. He was definitely going to regret this in the morning.
His fingers felt wet with the other's blood as he dug in deeper
unintentionally, "shit-" he gasped, moving his hand away, his eyes watching the
older's ever changing expressions as he leaned closer into the kiss, moaning
into his mouth as their tongues danced. His uninjured arm moved and found his
rock hard member and began stroking- he wasn't going to last long at this point
as his consciousness was beginning to fade.
Swirls of white disrupted his vision, his stomach lurching as warmth spilled
through his entire body. Hoseok moved his head to the side, breaking the kiss,
"Fuck!" his voice was back now, loud and not a whimpering mess, "Hyung, I
can't-" his hand quickened, arching and dropping his back down hard as white
ribbons released and hit the older man's stomach, the pace of his hand staying
constant. He could feel the other twitch inside him as Hoseok tightened
impossibly around him before his vision blurred completely and his body became
limp.
--
Simon could feel the changing grasp that broke his skin, digging his hands in
to match across the younger's body. He hoped that the bruise on Hoseok's jaw
would darken with how he held the male, and knew he'd have fingerprints and
maybe even whole handprints bruised into his hips for at least the next few
days. The elder could only imagine how his ass would feel when they were done.
All of it was a small payback for the half moons dug into his thighs and
forearms now by the younger.
The passion of it all was quite nice, leaving Simon as a panting mess when the
younger's body tightened and spasmed around his thick organ, pride keeping him
from letting go until the very last drop had flowed from the other, dripping
between their bodies and finally offering the lubrication that they had missed
initially. As his final 'fuck you' to the other though, Simon slammed their
hips together, grinding them for a moment as his own peak washed over him in
waves, leaving everything buried inside of Hoseok's quickly fading form.
Making sure he was satiated before all else, Simon pulled away, leaving the
other's bruised, battered, and filled body sitting on the counter as he took a
step back and collapsed into a chair with a sigh. His better senses were coming
back to him now that he was simply too tired to care about the other, almost -
almost - making him get up and check if he was even still alive. But the
teacher could hear his breathing, shallow yet present, with his well trained
ears, so he knew he needn't worry much. Instead, he looked down at his body,
surveying the small marks that the other had left and shaking his head. They
would need to have a serious talk once Hoseok came around.
***** Exposed *****
His consciousness must have faded for a few seconds. He lay, confusion washing
over him as he slowly began to remember where he was and what was happening.
The amount of pain may have been the cause as this had never happened to him
prior to this encounter. Regardless, he was pleased. It was short of perfection
and he certainly would do this again if the teacher allowed it. A small chuckle
escaped his throat, hoarse and faint. He was definitely in bad shape.
Hoseok attempted to move, his entire body sore. His neck cracked as soon as he
moved it, feeling as if he were in a fight with 10 men rather than sex for 15
minutes or so. The amusement fell apart however as soon as Hoseok swayed to his
feet. He could feel a thick liquid slide down his inner thighs as he shivered
and froze, "Are you fucking kidding me?!" he attempted to yell at the
entertained man sitting on a chair across from him- his voice was far gone.
This fucker must have let loose inside him once his consciousness had slipped.
Hoseok frowned then sighed. He was too tired for this anyway. He pulled out his
middle finger to show the older man his gratitude for the gift he'd received as
he wobbled towards the sink counter to grab at the tissues and clean himself.
He looked back over his shoulders to the man staring back at him and smirk,
"Enjoying yourself, you little shit?"
--
Looking up at the surprised sounds coming from Hoseok's mouth, Simon gave his
most pleased smile yet. Amazing. That was all he needed to hear, he thought, as
he grinned to the middle finger pointing over at him. He stood up and stretched
his back, looking down over his body and the dishevelled state of the other,
deciding that he would like a shower and a nap now that his work here was done.
Giving the other one final glance as he cleaned himself up, Simon nodded, the
smug words falling from his lips like bitter honey. "No more than you enjoyed
it." A light scoff bubbled from his chest as he turned, leaving the kitchen
that now reeked of sex to the other to clean up, going to clean himself up in
the bathroom. He ran a hot shower, thoroughly steaming the small ensuite bath,
and jumped under the spray to rid himself of whatever sweat and bodily fluid
graced his build, surreptitiously washing his stomach that had been covered in
semen.
Feeling much better now that he was clean, the tall blond went into the bedroom
to grab his bag, looking for a pair of boxers and maybe some flannels, not
really feeling the need to stay dressed any longer. They's already had sex;
what more could happen? He doubted the other would be shocked by his lack of
clothing, his tattoo, or anything else about him now, so once more, zero fucks
were given as Simon turned on the TV in the small bedroom, flipping through
channels until he found some sort of documentary that caught his attention.
--
Hoseok had to admit the older man was right- he did enjoy himself. It was
possibly one of the best sexual encounters he had experienced, and the most
painful. He didn't even know he liked it rough. It was rare that he was the
recipient so his knowledge was quite limited as to what was good to him and
what wasn't. It had always been boring to him as most one night stands don't
care much about how the other feels, so he made sure he would be the one to
always take control. Having been taken as he was however... he was quite
speechless to say the least.
Watching the man leave without announcement, Hoseok sighed and finally allowed
his guard down. "Fuck.." he dropped to the cold floor and allowed his head to
rest on the ceramic. The pain was something he did not think would appear so
strongly, his lower half throbbing uncomfortably. He was taken bare only once
before, but the man had gone easy on him, prepping him and using his spit. This
asshole however had decided to rip his anus apart. Hoseok attempted to control
his breathing so the other wouldn't hear and to hold his tears back. 'Fuck it
hurts...'
Only moments of soft whimpering passed before he huffed and stood, heading
towards a room with a shower. He would allow his silent weeping to continue
there. His eyes met the older's for a moment as he walked past the bedroom and
frowned. They would surely give them two rooms... right? His heart sank as he
searched the apartment hopelessly. "No..." he whispered dramatically,
rechecking the apartment hoping he missed something.
"Oh hell no!" He yelled, making sure it was loud enough for the other to hear
as a warning. His steps were large and sounded through the entire apartment. "I
am NOT sharing a bed with you!" he pointed accusingly at Simon the moment he
came to view.
--
Simon had already long since let the reality set in that he would be stuck with
Hoseok for a while, but his melodramatics were already growing taxing. And he
had just laid out to relax as well. Sighing, the blond looked through the open
door and down the hallways in a very feeble attempt to see if the younger was
coming. He wasn't yet, but the documentary did nothing to cover up the sounds
of his roommate's steps.
Looking once more, the blonde let the remote come to rest on his stomach, arms
going slack as his eyes refocused on Hoseok. "It's not ideal, but where else do
you plan on sleeping? The couch? Maybe the floor would suit you better...?" He
showed no sign of caring, nor signs of anger, as the other male did. To Simon,
they had already completed their contractual obligation, giving the producers a
great show that they could edit however they wanted. The rest of this was all
going to be downhill.
"Shouldn't you be showering - I mean, I'm sure that load slipping out of your
torn ass must not feel too great." Simon brushed off the comment about them
sleeping together in favor of poking a bit more at the literal sore spot that
Hoseok had for the time being, showing that he really could not care less about
the situation or where the other found to sleep, since he was already quite
comfortable on the bed, and despite it being big enough for two, he did not
feel like sharing.
--
Hoseok stared at the older man in disbelief. How could he be so heartless?
Hoseok was barely able to walk and this asshole could only sit on his ass and
make sarcastic remarks. He wasn't the type to anger easily, but this was too
much. Hoseok needed rest, especially since he would have to go to work tomorrow
as he wasn't granted a paid vacation for this show. However, him getting upset
would only cause the other to win. Instead, he sighed, grabbed a closed tissue
box to his right that was placed for them on one of the cabinets and threw it
at the older male with some force.
"Asshole."
A grunt escaped his throat as the pain flooded through his body again, his eyes
squinting. He sighed once more, grabbing a towel and entering the bathroom to
shower, not bothering to close the door. The pain was still present and having
to clean out his ass properly with all the cuts decorating it, it may have
increased. Though that was evident, and every single spot on his body stung,
there was a sort of relief that came with the hot water pouring over his
battered body. Hoseok closed his eyes and enjoyed the sound and feel of the
droplets. Now, his brain was working, imagining the situation of his injured
body sleeping on the couch or ground. His head tilted back, releasing a
frustrated sound as he silently cursed the older man. His hand automatically
found his still dislocated shoulder that had been frozen in place for longer
than 30 minutes, and he needed to have that put back into place immediately-
going to a hospital was out of the question at this hour. He needed sleep.
Finally fed up, Hoseok stepped out and grabbed the towel, dabbing his body
slightly not caring enough to cover himself as he placed it on his head as a
means for his hair to self dry. His hand studied the mirror in front of him to
see if it was a duel medicine cabinet or not, which it was as he pulled the
mirror and exhaled in relief for the pain killers and first aid kit that were
found. The pill was swallowed quickly without water with a small bit of hope
that went down with it that it would be effective enough to not cause another
wave of unconsciousness for what he was about to force the other to do.
His feet padded on the wooden flooring in the bedroom that he was forced to
share with this violent, self-loving teacher. In hand, Hoseok had the first aid
kit, which he threw at the older man's stomach without warning, enjoying the
flinch and scowl he received. “Help me out will you?” he pointed at his
shoulder.
Hoseok, regardless of his pleasant personality for the most part, was often a
victim of violence. It may have been his work place, or possibly his outer
form, but it always led him to being ridiculously hurt, and his stubbornness
prevented him from ever going to get checked up as he learned to do things on
his own. It wasn't the first time that his shoulder was out of place, and with
a bit of help he was able to pop it back in. The pain that came with it
however... that was something he was not looking forward to.
--
Somewhere beneath it all, behind those glasses, the blond did share some worry,
some concern for Hoseok. There was still that part of the feisty young man that
had called him daddy, that showed he wanted to be taken care of; He just didn't
know how to breach that subject, make it a reality. So, cold and mistrusting it
was. Hoseok didn't seem too affected by it anyways, in all reality, as hateful
as he could be, so Simon took no notice.
Regardless of how he had been treating him, Simon thought about the bed
situation while the shower ran, and various little sounds were heard from the
younger since he left the door open. Shaking his head, a muffled sound of
distaste came from Simon. He'd have to share; as much as he didn't want to, it
was the only civil thing to do. Besides, just as he had thought earlier, it
wouldn't matter if the other saw him this way - It also would not matter if
they felt each other's bodies or shared a little warmth. Again, this was hardly
the worst thing they had done together.
Grunting slightly as the first aid kit was thrown his way, bouncing off his
abs, Simon ripped his eyes from the documentary on the TV, to look down at the
little box and then back up at the other, wondering what this was supposed to
do to help the dislocated limb. Nothing in here would help, with that, but the
teacher just sighed and sat up, ready to put it right. "You're just having me
do this so you can have another reason to hate me." Simon said, letting his
voice come out bitter, hoping to be distracting as he touched the younger's
arm. "Just remember, you did this to yourself - I don't need anybody trying to
say that I'm violent or cruel based on your word." Simon concluded as he
twisted and pulled roughly, setting the joint back in spot with a sickening
crunching sound, immediately letting his hands drop to the first aid kit.
He pulled the little box to his eye level and began to read what was actually
in there, finding nothing really to help a whole lot besides some muscle cream,
which he took out and spread generously over his hands, in turn warming up the
cream before he spread it across the shoulder and Hoseok's lower back, only
imagining that he might get slapped for touching him any more than necessary,
but trying to own up to his part in making these bruises and sore muscles.
"There. Put on a shirt and come lay down. The muscle cream will work better if
you have a layer over it to keep you warm, and you need sleep." Simon's tone
was less authoritative this time, somehow, and almost paternal, just to try and
ease the younger into sharing the bed. He scooted over so that he would not be
occupying the middle exclusively, and patted the bed opposite him. "We probably
won't even touch all night, the bed is so big."
--
Hoseok's pain was not as bad as he had previously assumed. His shoulder must
have not been fully out of place, but only slightly as the crunching sound
caused but a small twitch and a low grunt. He took a deep breath in, thanking
whatever angel invented pain killers as he touched his now in place shoulder.
His eyes widened at the latter however.
He had to admit, though unnecessary and out of place, the older's actions were
admirable. It seemed that in a short time he had developed a soft spot for him
and he could not understand why. Was it guilt? Was this man possibly bipolar?
He was only gone for a few minutes...
He watched him apply the cream carefully, his eyes never leaving the man's face
as though blinking away would cause this dream to end. He couldn't help the
chuckle that escaped while listening to him speak of the absurd idea of sharing
a bed.
"This wasn't for me idiot." Hoseok grabbed the first aid kit away from the man
and took out the alcohol and cotton. His shoulder stung from the sudden
movement, realizing he needed to take it easy for a few hours otherwise it
would pop out again. He raised an eyebrow at the man watching him then grabbed
his arm and began cleaning out the crescent wounds he'd inflected on him. "It
would be inconvenient for this to get infected, the wounds are deep and I work
at a bar. Too many germs and shit" He explained not wanting to look at the man
anymore, hating himself for being so damn soft towards this asshole as he moved
on to his thighs and tended them as well.
"There is some pain medication in the cabinet if you need it" He pointed behind
him while stuffing the cotton and alcohol back into the first aid kit.
Hoseok stood up and wrapped the towel around his lower half, "don't know about
you but I have work tomorrow. In case of emergency I'll be leaving my phone
number on the little coffee table in the living room where I will be sleeping"
He emphasized the last few words, making sure the teacher understood his point
before placing the first aid kit on the nightstand and exiting the room.
--
Simon sighed as he pulled his hands back from the other's skin, shaking his
head lightly. This was why he didn't show kindness, he supposed. It always had
a funny little habit of being thrown back in his face. Hoseok was no different,
even though he saw the act as a sort of pittance to the other, he could not
care less about Simon trying to make up for his actions.
Watching with a lifted brow, the elder brushed away the stinging words and
tone, rolling his eyes after Hoseok began to clean his wounds. He said nothing,
showing no signs of pain nor any reaction at all, really; he didn't want to
give him the satisfaction of saying something wrong - or worse, right - and
show his softer side again. He just nodded as the other left, before flopping
back onto the bed. So much for his little vacation.
He stayed in bed for another few minutes, letting the documentary run down to
the credits, and another show start up right after it, before he moved. He
didn't necessarily feel any pain, but he did have a headache, so he got up and
padded to the bathroom, taking a few pills, cupping his hand under the tap and
taking a swig of water to help them down before he went out to the living room.
"Go sleep in the bed, even if you won't share - I can't let you sleep out here,
hurting as you must be." He said in a weary voice, walking past Hoseok to go
into the kitchen once more, looking for something harder to drink.
--
The moment Hoseok had reached the couch he had collapsed face-first so hard his
jaw must have moved out of place. He groaned as his entire body tensed then
relaxed, the combined pain and relief overwhelming as he could not move for a
few minutes. It wasn't like he hadn't enjoyed the rough sex, he would be lying
of course. It was the fact that he was never the recipient of such acts, but he
had to admit it was damn good as he chuckled at the thought of how ridiculous
and childish he'd been. Hoseok sighed and rotated his body, biting his lip at
the pain in his shoulder and hips as he lay on his back, exhaling the breath he
kept in. He lazily reached for his duffel bag and took out boxers and a t-
shirt, slipping them on.
His eyes shot open at the voice that was closer than he'd expected- he may have
fallen asleep at one point, "Where are you going?" Hoseok ignored the awkward
kindness facing him once again from the angry man as he shook his head and
stood slowly, following after. His feet shuffled across the cold floor, yawning
while massaging his sore shoulder. He studied the half naked man again, lining
his shoulders and back with his eyes before shaking his head once they stopped
at his ass admiringly. Hoseok watched as the older took out some alcohol from
the fridge and sighed, slipping into one of the stool chairs at the table and
placing his head on the cold marble reviling in the iced touch.
The young man's mind was beginning to function again as he recalled calling the
supposedly older man 'hyung' before ejaculating over his abdomen, sudden regret
and embarrassment washing over him. What the hell was that about? His ears
turned a dark shade of red as unfamiliar feelings dropped heavily on his chest.
He cleared his throat, lifting his head from the table and looking at the man
staring back at him, "Hey...uh, Simon...hyung... right? How old are you, if you
don't mind me asking?" This sudden formality tasted peculiar and somewhat
bitter on his tongue, considering how they started out.
--
The groggy words of the younger gave Simon a bit of a start as he grabbed the
bottle of beer from the fridge, gripping the neck as hard as he could as to not
drop it. He hadn't expected an answer, honestly, just another smug look and a
middle finger pointing back at him if he had even cared to look. The younger
just seemed to be full of surprises. Shame Simon was not. He had shown about as
many facets of his personality as he cared to and simply wanted something cold
to lull him to sleep.
Looking over the younger at the soft words that came from his mouth, the
teacher found a smirk growing across his lean face. He was just like a student,
trying to feel things out with him now that they had their pissing match and he
didn't like the result. Hearing Hoseok calling him "Hyung," though... That was
just plain cute. Taking a long draw from the icy glass bottle, Simon shook his
head a little as he swallowed. "Why are you calling me that now? Or asking
personal questions? I thought we figured this out: You hate me, I don't really
give a shit about you..." He paused at this point, realizing he was just
perpetuating the cycle that they had started, and he was actually quite sick of
it. It wasn't worth the headache.
Taking another swig from the bottle, Simon made the pause seem purposeful,
rather than explaining his sudden realization, before continuing. "Anyways,
fuck it. I'm twenty-nine, soon to be thirty. Probably far older than you
imagined. Go ahead, let the old man jokes fly." He said with a knowing,
slightly annoyed tone as he finished the bottle with another large gulp,
setting it down on the counter he now leaned against - The very same one that
had been the centerpiece of their little tryst, crossing his arms over his
chest as his dark eyes stayed firmly on Hoseok's, already anticipating the slew
of smartass remarks he would have to endure.
--
The man had spoken words of hate which Hoseok winced at it. In the moment of
silence the other offered, Hoseok thought he wasn't going to answer him, all so
considering his harsh words and the clear barrier he set between them. He was
moments from defending himself before the man began again.
Hoseok blinked at the older male, his eyes slowly widening with every second of
continued silence after his shocking words. He opened his mouth to speak- once,
twice... nothing came out. He looked down at the table, possibly feeling the
heaviest weight of the world on his shoulders, not knowing exactly what to do.
Hoseok was brought up better than this, he was never rude, and always
respectful. It was rare that the moment of his ugly self- his easily angered
other-self- would come and greet anyone. It was so rare that he was shocked at
himself for allowing him to go loose in front of this stranger. His eyes began
to glass over as he forgot to blink and looked back up at the silent man,
sipping collectively at his beer like he hadn't just dropped a bomb.
He was 8 years older than him... He couldn't possibly take back everything he'd
done and said. He would have assumed possibly 2-3 years maximum, but 8...
Hoseok sighed, dropping his head shamefully. “Fuck...”
Standing up, Hoseok moved closer to the man on the other side of the table and
bowed 90 degrees showing respect to the elder, which frankly was more
ridiculous than his previous actions and far too late. “Sorry hyung... I didn't
know...” he peeked up at the man before straightening his back. The atmosphere
turned awkward within seconds, as he stiffly walked back to his seat, feeling
himself shrink as he fidgeted. Not only was he almost a decade older than
Hoseok, but he also thought he hated him. Hoseok wanted to clear things up,
regardless of the fact that the teacher had already stated he didn't care,
alongside Hoseok's violence and disrespect.
“Um...” he finally met eyes with the man again, his strong personality coming
back gradually with every word he spoke as he did not like being accused of
something he could not possibly do- hate. “I don't hate you hyung... you know.”
he massaged his shoulder again, sighing at the pain that was coming back in
waves, making sure to remember to take another pill or four when this
conversation was over. “I don't hate people. It's just-” he dropped his gaze,
his voice coming out smaller than intended, “What we did...” he cleared his
throat deliberately to ease the uncomfortableness. “I guess it brought out the
other side of me from the heat of the moment.”
Just when he thought he could control himself fully, an unplanned toothy smile
crossed his face, his eyes turning to dark crescents as he tapped his shoulder,
“I'm also a bit mean when I'm in pain”
--
Simon could hardly believe that the other had nothing to say to him, and in
fact, looked almost ashamed of his antics. This was quite the surprise, given
that the face he had seen up until this point shared none of the same
characteristics of the person Hoseok was being now. Not that he minded, it was
something he was used to - This more demure, quiet, reserved sort of person -
these were the sort of kids he was used to teaching at the college where he
worked. This would be a cake walk if the younger had shown this side first.
The bowing, however, was looked upon with quiet curiosity, a single lifted brow
showing that he was not sure how to take the action or apology. So now it came
to light: The fact was simply that Hoseok was sorry for disrespecting an elder.
Great. That was almost worse than an old man joke, making Simon feel 90 rather
than the 30 that he was. It lead to him imagining a 90 year old having sex like
that, and he stifled a laugh. If his body was as aged as the other made him
feel in that instant, he might have thrown out a hip while they were doing the
deed, then it would have been a whole different story.
The hidden laugh made a small smile wash over his features as Simon set the
bottle upon the counter and just watched, waiting for something more to be
said. The tension was palatable, but not overwhelming, so he made his move to
leave the younger be; Not that he got far.
Simon was barely even standing from his leaned posture as Hoseok spoke to him,
making what seemed like an offhanded excuse for the way he had acted, to which
Simon shook his head. "I doubt it was the pain, or 'what we did', honestly. You
came in like a firecracker with a short fuse and that didn't change until now,
even before you decided you wanted 'what we did' to happen." He knew that this
was an attempt to make amends, but found the effort lacking. Maybe it was just
because he was a kid - Simon knew that he must be just about 20 now, based on
the level of formality he was being shown.
The cheesy grin made the teacher's grow a bit more as he tried to understand,
knowing that it would not be worth the headache to keep things going.
"Although, I do understand, pain makes everyone behave differently. That much I
will give you. By the way - You shouldn't try that again, you might actually
hurt yourself, you know." He nodded, not sure what more there was to be said
between them, looking down at his crossed arms that still bore tiny little
marks that matched Hoseok's deeply smiling eyes.
--
Hoseok laughed nervously at the teacher's words and nodded in agreement. “I'm
not usually like this. To be honest, we had a bit of a mishap at the nightclub
and I was forced to get involved.” he pointed at his bruised jaw. “I know what
I look like-” he looked away, his thoughts creating multiple hurricanes as he
contemplated. What was he doing? Was he actually talking to this man about his
life after all that had been done? Why was he trusting him? 'What's wrong with
me...?'
A tingling feeling of familiarity guided his fingertips across his tattooed
arm, tracing the inked design. “I'm the exact opposite of what I look like” he
flashed a melancholic smile towards Simon, their eyes only meeting for a
moment. “Something snaps in me sometimes though, and as much as I want to
overcome things and smile and get the fuck over it... doesn't work, and
violence tends to take place.”
Electricity shot through his mind and nerves as his head followed orders and
titled up, his eyes set on something he knew would never be his, a sort of
forbidden fruit, but he enjoyed the thought otherwise. His confident self
reappeared, greeting the teacher with a smirk, “But you know” his smirk
widened, not daring to hide his attraction, “That side of me. The one you
happened to encounter, the wild one that went so far as to hurt for sex. That's
me. A hundred percent”
The young man couldn't comprehend why he felt the need to explain himself to
the man who quite possibly wasn't even listening, but he had to admit... it
felt good. He had left all his friends behind, back in his hometown and his
family was no longer there for him. He had met a few people who were kinder in
his mind than in reality- he knew, still believe, still hoped- however, none
were trustworthy enough to confide in. Hoseok's smile told so much more than he
voiced out as he chuckled to himself, dropping his head on the marble again,
his ears desperate to listen to the teacher's voice again.
This was nice.
--
Simon looked up after a moment, flexing his forearms as though to remind
himself that those little cuts would soon be gone, his dark brown eyes coming
to rest on the younger again. The moment did not last long, however, finding
this fleeting show of oneself quickly becoming too involved for his liking.
Turning his head to the side, the teacher cleared his throat before adjusting
his glasses.
Looks. Did the other really base everything on looks? If that was the case then
Simon didn't know if he was close to his looks or opposite them, considering
half the time he was mad and the other half, completely uncaring. His gaze sat
on those long, willowy fingers as they grazed inked flesh, humming a bit as he
took in the delicate line work and subtle intricacies that were woven together
on skin, one of his hands unfurling from the other and lifting to brush the
pads of his fingers over his chest, touching the large piece that lay there. He
wondered if Hoseok had the same scars, the raised edges and the shallows of
color. Something he might take the time to feel when they got close to one
another. Wait - no, not when... If, Simon corrected himself in his thought
process.
Humming again, Simon looked up from Hoseok's arm to see the bright flash of
white from his teeth before his eyes and ears connected the words with the
knowing smirk to the sexual reference. Ah, he thought, assuming this was why
the younger was being so sweet. Assuming it was all for the sake of sex. Funny,
how objectified his own thoughts made him feel without knowing if they were
even correct or not. Shaking his head, Simon flashed a smile of his own. "Well,
then. I'm sure you'll get very lucky throughout your stay on the show." It was
not a flat out rejection, as he could see himself doing Hoseok once, maybe even
twice more, the truth of the matter was, the teacher was not the fuck and run
type.
He always knew that it stemmed from being alone. Alone with his music. Alone
with his instructors. Alone with his homework - but when he was introduced to
sex and sexuality, there was some level of cling to it. He was the kind that
wanted more than just that. It should be like music, as far as he was
concerned, done with passion, anger, love; good emotions were the key to good
sex. However, that meant finding and keeping a person that could incite those
feelings over and over again. It was no easy task.
Slipping away from the backwards compliment, Simon fixed his glasses once more
before looking over at the wall mounted clock. It was late - or early, he
couldn't be sure - and his body ached for rest. "Go sleep in the bed. I'll set
up camp out here, okay? You need more sleep than I do, I'm sure."
--
Listening to his voice was soothing in it's own way, nevermind the words. His
head was spinning and his mind could not rest, flooding in images of the
teacher bare and over him. He had noticed more than he thought he would during
their alien intimacy filled with rushed hands and scowling looks. His mind
rescanned through the memories as his eyes had landed multiple times on the
older man's impressive chest, not only for it's structure but for the art that
embroidered through it.
Hoseok chuckled at the man's words, both of the subtle rejection and of the
forward kindness towards him. He straightened his back, stretching his arms,
allowing a yawn to pass through without being hidden with hands or a tightened
jaw. "You're right, I do, but I can't accept." his smile widened as his eyes
lowered from Simon's face and studied his chest. He was curious as to the story
behind it. It seemed so much like a gang mark than a simple interest in inking.
He laughed at his thoughts, his eyes meeting Simon's again, tilting his head
purposefully.
"Hyung.” Hoseok began, his voice softer than before as he attempted to win him
over slowly. “You said before you liked art, right?" he nodded towards the
older's chest, "Is that what you meant?"
Hoseok knew what he was doing, and knew this may annoy the tired teacher, but
he wanted to stall longer. His fear of not seeing the man again once he was
awake was evident. Even if he couldn't control it, he wanted to at least talk
to him as much as he could before the inevitable happened.
--
Still pondering the idea of time, seeing as it was late for him, but probably a
customary time for the other to be awake, Simon let his head turn to
acknowledge the other's words, his little yawn; subtly sweet actions that he
found somewhat endearing, for a person such as Hoseok himself had proven he
could be. A little smile turned the corner of his lips on one side before he
shrugged. "Your choice. You're clearly not a child, so I can't tell you what to
do." He offered, his words coming out light and teasing to match the almost-
grin he wore.
The hand that had been studying his own ink came up to brush through his thick
blond hair, feigned interest fading and quickly being replaced by a sort of
soft complacency in the other's presence. As though his subconscious said that
this was false, but since he knew it was, it was okay to stay and enjoy it for
the time being. Such a paradox, human emotions, he found himself thinking for
the time being, though his internal dialogue was not so much that he ignored
the other.
"Hm, I suppose. Art has so many forms, I felt as though my life would be
incomplete without trying multiple embodiments of it. It's not enough to be
talented with words or music or ink and paper, but the human body as a
canvas... It's quite stunning in it's own right. A living, breathing body that
gives your art a chance to transcend that very place it might have fallen flat
if it was just to stay as a sketch or an ink drawing... But now I'm getting
quite sentimental over nothing." He smiled as he caught himself rambling,
lowering his head sheepishly and letting out a small laugh, his hand repeating
the action from before, but in reverse this time as he rubbed the nape of his
neck and the brought the long digits forward through his hair.
"You must have some affinity for it as well, however, seeing as you have a fair
bit more than I do when it comes to tattoos. How did a sweet boy like you end
up covered from one side to the other?" Simon opened the fridge and reached for
another beer, pausing this time and looking to Hoseok, as though offering
something to drink. It was becoming clearer that this would not end so quickly,
and since he was closest to the fridge, he felt a duty to be a good host.
--
Hoseok listened carefully, almost tempted to close his eyes and enjoy the older
man's voice as it preached about forms of art and it's beauty. He couldn't help
the smile that appeared so often once the man had caught his tongue and
laughed. His laugh was subtle and small, almost like a huff but he enjoyed
nevertheless, finding himself watching every part of the other man. How his
lips stretched slightly, obviously holding back and his eyes closing slightly.
His glasses moving down a bit as his face reformed and his face showed some
color. He was glad he could see Simon this way. His first impression of him
wasn't that great in all honestly- minus the sex of course, dear god.
His own laughter came through this time loud and real, he wasn't going to hold
back anymore, "Sweet boy? Hyung, stop flirting!" he rolled his eyes,
purposefully speaking comfortably with the older man, testing his reactions. He
shook his head once he understood the other's gesture and smiled brightly,
"Believe it or not, I actually don't drink alcohol." That should come as a big
shock to the teacher for sure.
As soon as the memories of his past cleared the way for the rest of his mind
however, his smile faded and he looked down at the other's hands, studying them
to distract himself. "Well, it's a bit of a long story..." he began without
knowing exactly where to start and how much he wanted to say. It was easy
talking about his shit personality, even though it was something he had never
done before. Speaking about his parents and his terrible first months in Seoul
was something he could not really bring himself to share. His face contorted
into an unreadable expression. filled with too many emotions, as his chest
ached.
--
Hoping his reactions were less than noticeable, Simon just shook his head as
the other laughed aloud, knowing he could not have his way even if he was a
good actor. Taking a bottle of water out for the younger, Simon grabbed his
beer and kicked the fridge shut. Obviously his hopes for an easy night were to
be dashed by the younger, as he kept leading into more conversation.
He walked to the small table, setting down the bottle of water first and
sliding it to Hoseok, taking his beer in both hands and twisting off the top
before he sat down. "Ah, really? I think we're way past flirting. You just seem
sweet - Now that you're not in pain and all." He chuckled softly, lifting the
bottle to his lips before pausing and actually taking the time to look at the
other.
Something about this all didn't seem right, the deep, swirling storm hiding in
Hoseok's eyes telling so much more than he could have put into words. Lowering
the bottle before he even took a drink, the teacher shook his head and closed
his eyes. "You don't have to explain if you don't want to..." he started before
looking up at Hoseok once more, the tempestuous storm still hiding so much. "I
understand difficult circumstances and all. Not like we're that close." Simon
made his attempt at giving the other some comfort, and a way out all at once,
but wasn't sure how he would fare with such a notion.
Still, the teacher took a long draw from the bottle, licking his lips as he
swallowed and tried not to look at Hoseok, trying to keep the pressure off of
him to tell such a story that caused him so much grief.
--
Reality pushed through at the other's words and Hoseok's pain spread throughout
his entire body, having nothing to do with their previous acts. He buried his
face in his hands again, his eyes stinging, suffocating himself slowly. He
wouldn't cry. He won't tell a soul. His past was his alone and sharing was
pointless. What was it that had driven him to speak to the older man so much
and almost slip out about his life? He knew nothing about the other, and there
wasn't a need to. He was alone. Always was, and he thought it was best to stay
this way. It was comfortable. It was safe.
A smirk stretched as his head tilted back to glare at the other
unintentionally, his eyes clearly red from forcing his tears back, "I think
it's getting late hyung" his words came out harsher than intended as he pushed
back the offered water and stood, his hand automatically finding his injured
shoulder, "I think it's best that we don't bring up each other's lives anymore"
he knew that part of it was his own fault, but he hoped the other would
understand anyway, regardless of how rude he was being as he spoke to the older
man with his back turned. "I'll be on the couch, but you may not see me in the
morning. If you need anything, like I said, I'll keep my phone number on one of
the tables. Goodnight."
His steps were large and quickly crossed to the living room, finding the
biggest couch to lay on. There were no pillows and no blanket, but then again
he was fucking used to this in the first place wasn't he. A sorrowful smile
played on his face as he covered his eyes with his arm and sighed. Tomorrow
he'll forget. Tomorrow will be better. It had to be.
'Forget.'
--
Simon was still purposely looking away when the younger buried his face in his
hands, so he pretended not to notice, although it was hard not to. It made him
concerned for the younger, wondering what could have been so bad that Hoseok
had such an uprising of emotions. He would be pondering on this for many more
days, he was sure. Sighing before he took another long drink from the bottle,
Simon did not turn his head back until he saw Hoseok move.
Watching as the younger lifted his body, the remnants of tears clinging to his
lower lashes, Simon almost choked on his beer as he noted the smile that did
not fit into Hoseok's face at this moment. Nodding softly as he continued to
watch the other get up and go back to the couch, the elder kept his eyes fixed
on the bartender until he was seemingly asleep, finishing his second bottle and
fighting every urge to reach for a third. This was one hell of a first night on
the show.
Going back to the bedroom and the still-playing television now screening some
cheesy old horror movie, Simon felt a bit of guilt running over him knowing how
Hoseok was sleeping, and he could not help his next actions. He knew that he
would be gutted in his sleep if the younger was to wake up in the bed, even if
he wasn't there, so instead, he took the makings of a bed over to him. Simon
took the large comforter and a pillow out to him, wrapping the blanket about
the boy's body and setting the pillow within arm's reach.
He felt a little better now, but tomorrow would still be a new day to tackle,
and with no work to keep him occupied, he had no clue what he would do.
***** His Past *****
Morning came and all the pain in the world arrived with it. The man's bones and
muscles ached to the point of paralysis as he stared at the ceiling and
groaned. It was a plan he made, a promise after he managed to get his life
together, that he would practice his dancing every morning until every muscle
in his body ached and then go to work. That was his routine for 2 years and he
seemed to be doing pretty well. That morning however... he was already aching
without the hours of practice. He sighed, sitting up and attempting to stretch
his arms- his shoulder still tender. Hoseok's arm paused in mid-air as he
raised it for another round of stretching. He eyed the blanket still on the
lower half of his body and frowned. When did he even put that on himself? He
remembered being cold sometime after he fell asleep, tears managing to escape
with the loss of control, but he couldn't recall finding an extra blanket to
cover himself.
Hoseok raised an eyebrow, contemplating his sanity, shifting his body to stand
and stretch out the rest of him. His body stilled, arms dropping to his lap as
he gaped at the motionless body only inches from him. The older man's head was
resting on the coffee table next to the couch he slept on, only a small pillow
to keep it from the hard surface. His body was curled up, possibly keeping
himself warm if not a sleeping habit. Hoseok could do nothing but stare,
thoughtlessly, for a few minutes. What was going on? Had this man slept here
all night? Was he crazy? The young man grasped the blanket he pushed away
seconds ago and frowned. "Why?"
Anger rushed through his body and circulated in his chest, burning and growing.
He didn't know why he was angry. It came and went just as fast, replaced by
guilt and so many emotions he could not recall. Hoseok tugged the blanket and
cautiously covered the teacher with it, sitting cross legged in front of the
sleeping form. His hands reached for the other's face, taking off his glasses
and placing them on the table next to his head. Suddenly the pain departed from
the rest of his body, only the heaviness in his chest remaining as he glared at
the sleeping man in front of him. What was this feeling? What was happening...?
What the hell was he doing?
Not knowing how early he had woken up, he was eventually reminded by the rising
sun, a beam of it's rays disturbing his vision. Hoseok squinted, his hand
automatically shielding his eyes and looking up at the source of disturbance.
The reflection was due to the ray hitting the metal rim around the camera lens
that was placed in the corner of the living room. The young man shrugged,
smiling at the fact that he hadn't noticed there were-
Hoseok stood quickly, his eyes widening as he looked up again at the camera
lens staring back at him with all it's glory. "Shit..." How could he forget
such an important detail?! There were cameras all over the apartment. People
were watching this. They had seen him naked, fucked- in every sense of the
word, talking about himself and running away like a child. They had seen him at
his weakest, and seen his reaction to Simon's state. His head turned, eyes
landing on the still body beneath him as his expression softened. He didn't
know this man could look like this. Hoseok titled his head, finding it harder
to think whenever his eyes were on the older man, sighing and running a hand
through his colored strands. He signed up for this, knowing exactly what 'this'
was. He knew what he had to go through the moment he stepped into the apartment
and met Simon, so why was he reacting strongly to it now...? Hoseok was quickly
reminded of the upfront payment and the rest of the numbers that were offered,
a smile growing on his stupid face. He shook his head, mentally slapping
himself as he pouted and looked at the man again. What was he going to do...?
He needed to escape, even if he couldn't dance much, going to the studio would
clear his mind. It only took him moments to prepare himself and the things he
needed for the day, grabbing his bag and throwing it over his uninjured
shoulder. Hoseok quietly ripped a peace of paper from the note book of lyrics
he kept on him at all times and wrote down his number, placing it under the
other's glasses. He took a final glance at the older man, a small smile playing
on his face before heading out the door, and cursing at the unknown future.
--
Simon stayed out there with the younger, just watching - as he seemed to find
himself doing to the point of creepiness - as he slept, wanting to reach out,
comfort him from the few tears that seemed to have graced his cheeks at some
point before he made it out there. It was no use, though, since he had already
seen the beast that this boy could become, and had sensed the conflict that
created such a monster. No, he would just sit and observe, and maybe, like a
flower, Hoseok would slowly unfurl himself to the elder.
It was not long before his eyelids fell heavily, the elder forgetting the
comfort of the bed, the television he had left on - The effects he had been
seeking from the alcohol were sneaking up on him. Convinced he could stay up
and think about all this, think about the young man and try to figure him out,
for just a bit longer, it was mere minutes before Simon lay sleeping with his
head on the coffee table. Light snores punctuated his slumber here and there,
the cool temperature of the apartment making his sleep deep, but restless as he
curled into himself for what little warmth he could find.
Waking to the sound of a door shutting, Simon jolted alive. For the first
moment or two, he suffered from mostly confusion - Why didn't he have his
glasses, where the hell was he, why was he sleeping on a fucking coffee table -
But soon it cleared itself up for him. Finding the outline of his glasses
through the blur that was his world, Simon rubbed his eyes before putting them
on, sliding them into place against his ears and nose and looking at the scrap
of paper that had accompanied them: A phone number, as promised. The unique
scrawl was something that gave the elder a little smile, thinking that Hoseok
really should work on his penmanship, from a teacher's point of view, he would
hate this. But it just added to the creative individual he was coming to
realize that the younger was.
He wondered where he had gotten off to, but figured it would be work or
something of the like, the one thing he found himself without. Remembering that
fact, Simon let out a light groan. Now his thoughts would be consumed with
Hoseok all day - No, that was something he had to fight. Getting up and taking
the blanket back to the bedroom, Simon went to his bag and pulled out a pad of
paper and his laptop, finding the urge to work until he had lost all sunlight
hours driving him. He needed to do something to keep last night out of his
head.
Simon began a pot of water, needing tea first thing in the morning to come to
life, and set up a little area for himself at the small dining table. The pad,
redundant as it may have seemed, was lined to write music, not words, and the
laptop would bring what he wrote to life, considering he had foregone all the
instruments he loved to save them from possible damage on the trip - Plus, what
sort of weirdo brought a concert cello to a reality show? He laughed at the
thought as the kettle whistled and he got his tea, settling in to work as the
morning flew away from him.
The hours were spent amidst the sounds of pencil scratching, humming, and the
computer's speakers whispering out clips of melodies that Simon wrote; his work
never finished as he wrote, erased, edited, and revised. All this for a
creative passion that drove him to the point of not eating, nor sleeping, nor
paying attention to the waning of the afternoon light. Pausing only to use the
bathroom and refill his cup or the kettle, Simon wasted the day in the same
spot, resting on a composition fit for performance by the time the moon rose in
the sky. He was proud of his work, and it was the catharsis he needed to avoid
Hoseok and all thoughts of him.
Now, what he needed was something to eat, a little liveliness. Deciding to wash
up and go out for a bit, Simon left his laptop sitting out, the media sitting
on replay as a testament to his hard work, and the rest of his effects spread
over the table. He could clean it up later. Donning a pair of fitted jeans and
a polo shirt, the teacher grabbed a cardigan and pulled his hair up and away
from his face before stepping out, feeling refreshed and alive for the first
time in quite some time. Maybe this vacation, even with the angsty boy that he
found himself stuck on, was worth it. Checking his watch, Simon mused to
himself. 8,608 minutes left in their time together. It made the past 1,472 seem
like an eternity, so he only wondered what else he could come to know in their
remaining time.
--
Practice was out of the question, and Hoseok knew so before he even made up his
mind to leave the somewhat comfortable couch and take a bus to the studio. He
knew that even if he couldn't dance, maybe he would try and work on his lyrics
writing which he was lacking in tremendously, finding mistakes and awkwardness
every time he looked through his notes. This was also a damn impossibility, his
hands stilling as he rolled around the cold floor of the studio, mind
hopelessly stuck on the image of his sleeping hyung. Hoseok cursed himself a
million times for his stupid vivid imagination and the fact that he couldn't
get him out of his mind, not even for a moment. What the hell was he so stuck
on? The man was almost 10 years older than him, and he knew nothing about him.
Hoseok sighed and stretched out his legs as an excuse to place his head on the
floor and think. He had never been in a relationship before, so his knowledge
and experience were limited. His surroundings were also not the most kindest
and welcoming. Hoseok shook his head, anger flushing his face red as his
thoughts trailed somewhere he promised would never enter the studio. 'Calm
down...'
He may have slept on the cooling, hard floor of the dance room for a few hours,
but he would never admit. He may have missed the first half hour of his shift
while running to the nightclub as if he were chased, but he would never admit.
He may have been scolded at first, a warning his 'superior' would call it, then
pushed, grabbed, punched, thrown... but he would never admit.
His superior enjoyed watching his faces of rage, pain and hate as he bit down
the urge to scream at the shoulder that was once in place for a few hours. His
superior was more than happy to kick it out of place again and surround the
room in his laughter, his eyes set darkly on the younger man bleeding beneath
his foot. This man saved Hoseok, something he would never dare to forget. He
was someone he hated, but cherished all the same. Hoseok's fingers wrapped
around the ankle of the larger man who had placed his boot to the inked man's
face. "Forgive me hyung, it will never happen again" his voice was shaking with
the pain and tears that flowed without an ounce of warning.
Hoseok may, or may not have escaped as a bleeding mess. He was dismissed- to
him this was nothing short of a warning, and if his superior did not have a
'special' liking for him, he knew he would have been dead within minutes to the
torture. He couldn't get on a bus, that would be asking to be called in to the
station, which he could not afford considering his magnificent past. He had to
walk, and as close to the shadows as he could without being dragged by a local
gang of a sort. He knew those were rare, but he had to be careful... he had to
see him again- that man who had pushed him beyond his body's limit to walk home
and not lay on the concrete, hoping for the best, the moon his only witness.
Finding the apartment was easier than expected, somehow the memory imprinted to
his mind as a possible means of protective mechanism. His hands worked faster
than his mind could, unlocking, turning the handle, shutting the door. His
first thought was to find the older man, helplessly needing to see him, reason
leaving him long before he made it to the complex. He couldn't go farther than
a few steps before his body collapsed, a gasp of air drawn as he groaned and
whimpered in pain, his tears flowing again. It wasn't as bad as he had felt as
he eyed his bruised and beaten body. There were no knife marks, no bullets. He
could handle a few bruises, a dislocated shoulder and a bleeding face. Hoseok
sighed, a crackling laugh escaping him as he wiped at his face with the back of
his hand, dragging tears, sweat and blood. He wanted to move, clean himself up,
and hide his new bruises so the other wouldn't see, but his body was so heavy
and his will to move was not strong enough to push him. Instead, he allowed his
body to rest on the wooden floor, mind finding the comfort of the man's face
again as he closed his eyes.
--
Staying out for about an hour or so, Simon found a nice local cafe to eat
dinner and relax at, sitting outside in the last remnants of fading sunlight
and the rising moon, grabbing an extra coffee on his way out the doors for the
younger. Why? He couldn't say. But it sounded like a good idea. He was happy.
Having such a time spent alone to work, having a great, filling meal that
tasted homemade, having not thought about Hoseok once. Except for buying him
the coffee. And wondering if he had eaten at all today.
Okay, so maybe he hadn't really succeeded in pushing the other completely from
his mind, but he had tried. And even with his minor failures, he still felt
good. It was refreshing, to be able to think without the constant worry he felt
when he looked at the younger. His thoughts came to the singular conclusion:
Hoseok was simply a roommate for the time being, nothing more. He should not be
trying to delve so deeply into the workings of the younger, nor his personal
history. After all, they had known each other for little more than a day, why
should he care so much? This was not how relationships progressed in the real
world, and certainly not how they should on camera.
Humming his newest little tune as he walked up to the apartment, Simon thought
he noticed something odd, a sort of drip that reminded him of a child with an
icecream cone, drizzling chocolate everywhere as they went, but he paid no
attention, other than cautioning himself not to step in it with his expensive
shoes. Then he'd drag it into the house, and he hated housework. But then it
was there again, as he attempted to slide his key into the lock of their door,
another smear gracing both the knob and the frame of the door, and he only
wondered what sort of mess the other had made. Now, he was simmering with anger
before he even knew the circumstance.
Turning the key in the lock, the teacher went inside with his head down,
inspecting for more drips of chocolate, pausing cold in his steps when he saw
nothing more than the feet of the younger that he had been pushing from his
mind as long as he had been out. The coffees that were held in his hands fell,
crashing into puddles of milky ice on the hardwood as Simon's body froze,
trying to figure out what to do. His mind was racing, thoughts going at light
speed beneath the blond mop of hair. Should he call 911? Should he try to give
CPR? Was Hoseok attacked, mugged, raped? He didn't know how to proceed, and
that scared him more than anything. Finding his feet once more, the teacher
took the few tentative steps to Hoseok's head, surveying his torn up face with
a grimace as he spoke, his words sounding surprisingly firm for how frantic his
mind was.
"H-Hoseok? Answer me... C-Can you hear me right now? Are you okay? Should I
call a paramedic?" They were rushed, yes, but mostly steady questions, and
right now, even just a nod that he was conscious would help. It was then that
Simon realized what he had thought was chocolate under the streetlamps was
actually smears of the male's blood, and he felt sick to his stomach. Gore....
That he was okay with. But to know that he felt only disgust and disdain for
the other when he was laying here like this for who knows how long - He now
felt a painful disgust for himself. With shaking hands, he pulled the sleeve of
his cardigan over his hand and attempted to dab away some of the blood around
the other's eyebrow and nose, waiting for anything more than the shallow
wheezing he could make out coming from his lips.
--
Droplets. The hushed sound of rain soothed him. It was beautiful. Calm and
inconsistent as it hit roofs and concrete, it's wet touches washing his stains
away. He remembered that night so clearly. His hand gripping the knife with
whatever energy he had left, his eyes fluttering as the rain hit his face, his
body spread next to another on the wet concrete. The boy tilted his head to the
side, a smile playing on his face as he watched the stream of rain dragging
blood to one of the drains. His eyes moving up slightly, watching the still
body next to him, a dark hole where his organs once were arranged properly, now
leaking and following the droplets beneath the streets.
Hoseok's consciousness had slipped without warning, but the pain seemed to have
lessened with the moment of rest. Tears escaped, possibly from the memory of
his past. Warmth overtook parts of his body as a sort of heaviness fell on him,
his body being touched, muffled sounds that somehow he could recall as a voice
he knew. He wasn't sure, maybe he was imagining, but he could feel his face
reforming, his lips stretching. Was he smiling at the recognition? Was he
relieved? Hoseok's eyes fluttered open, the heaviness and voice belonging to
Simon as he had assumed, the poor man frantically wiping at Hoseok's face and
bringing his ear closer to listen to his breath. He knew he should have endured
longer and cleaned himself up, mainly out of pride to not show this man anymore
weakness- but to see him shaking, that was something he did not expect, nor
ever wanted to see.
"Hyung..." his voice cracked, almost inaudible as he repeated, "hyung..." the
smile widened once the older looked at him. Their eyes meeting, a flood of
relief instantly washing over the other as his expression changed drastically.
"I'm okay" he may have repeated the words a few times, he wasn't sure, his
consciousness still not quite at it's strongest point, wanting desperately to
close his eyes and rest, but feared for the other. He should have cleaned
himself up. His lids fell heavily, using all his strength to keep his eyes on
the frantic man above him, touching his face and wherever else was bleeding.
Hoseok's eyes followed the man's hands, noticing that his sleeves were stained
red and frowned. "You ruined your shirt" he uttered incoherently.
Moments passed by as Hoseok's strength flowed back into his body, his brain now
functioning properly as he cursed silently. His eyes grew darker as he stared
at the older man, still worried for him... still aimlessly moving about. What
was he doing? What was he fucking thinking? Hoseok pushed the man off him
slightly, and for an unknown reason, his hand found the other's and gripped it
tightly. He wouldn't turn his head to look at the man, biting his lower lip as
he pulled himself up into a sitting position and leaned on the coffee table
which was closest to him. He didn't know what he would do, what he would say,
how he was going to explain his state to the teacher who had walked in to this
horror. Hoseok wiped at the blood crawling down his forehead, then touched his
dislocated shoulder. He needed to clean himself up.
--
Feeling his knees give way as he began to dab at the younger's face, Simon soon
found himself sitting on the floor next to Hoseok, his body resembling that of
a doll that had been kicked to the side: feet out, knees in, back curled up and
hunched over the younger's bleeding visage. He may have even had a few stray
tears in his eyes, never having seen horror like this outside of a television
or film screen. He didn't even care as to what had happened right now, only
focused on the other's half-mumbled words and how he was going to survive this.
He looked like raw hamburger pounded into the pavement, and Simon didn't know
what else to do, other than keep dabbing the blood away to see what was
actually damaged.
Older and wiser, yes, he definitely was, but he had also been quite sheltered
throughout his life. Private schools, private lessons, everything the best that
his parents could afford on their upper-middle-class budget -- And they
sacrificed a lot for Simon's talent, even going so far as to move around to
different countries to get him the best opportunities. He was never the subject
of bullies, nor torment, aside from the general poking sort of teasing that
American kids make to their band-geared classmates. This was all quite jarring
to him. Even in his years as a teacher, he had never witnessed such physical
violence between... well, anybody.
Simon let out a strangled sound, somewhere between a relieved laugh and
actually crying when Hoseok spoke, especially just to call to him, matching his
eyes with a soft smile. That was definitely relief showing through. He let his
hands come to rest alongside the other's head at his muttered protests about
his cardigan, thankful for some way to hide how deeply this affected him, his
fingers still trembling, and he wasn't even sure why; it may have been the act
or it may have been because it was Hoseok."It's fine, but, Jesus... The fuck
happened to you? You look like you got mauled by a dog..." He words were steady
and slow this time, and Simon counted that as a major win.
Lifting his hand again as the forehead wound started to bleed more, The teacher
could not explain why he let the younger keep his hand, his head lowered a bit
but eye fixated on Hoseok as he pulled himself up. "Y-Your shoulder... Shit...
Do you want me to set it again?" He asked, squeezing the younger's warm, dirt-
stained palm softly before he could pull away. There were so many more
questions that threatened to fall from his lips, but Simon bit them back. The
only question he really wanted to ask now was what he could do to help, now
that the shock of seeing the younger laid out like a dead body was wearing off.
The thought of cleaning came up as well, but Simon pushed that one away. He'd
throw a towel over the coffee spill and call it a night. Actually... Thinking
about it, he shed the bloodstained sweater and threw it over the pile of slowly
melting ice and creamy coffee, since he would have to get rid of it anyways. It
was a biohazard now. Looking down at his hands, he realized that the blood had
seeped through the fabric and was on his hands. Fuck. "I'll go run you a
bath..." He muttered, the shock after the adrenaline rush setting in fully,
needing to wash up and help the younger, but feeling like he was moving in slow
motion to do it. The more lead time he got on Hoseok, the better.
--
There it was. Pain. This torturous pull on his chest and stomach like an angry
ghost was frantically searching through his body. What would he say? His chest
ached more than any injury, his heart feeling like it was running out of blood,
and nothing was there to pump more back into it. He wanted to scream, his hand
dropping to the hardwood as he stared at the back of the older man walking
towards the other room. Why was he so kind to him? Why was he worried?! Why
couldn't he be just like every other person in Hoseok's life who'd thrown him
away and kicked him at every turn?! Why was he here...? What did he want...?
What was he doing here?
Hoseok's body shifted, the movements feeling foreign to his stormed mind as he
managed to pull himself up to his feet and move forward. There was nothing on
his mind now. He couldn't think, his body moving on its own, passing the
deserted sweater, now dipped in coffee. He passed the door frame, entering the
room the other was in. His ears twitched at the sound of running water, the
memories of his life's turning point running beneath his lids as he frowned and
tugged at his hair. 'Stop it...' He'd forgotten. For so long, those memories
were hidden and he knew nothing of his past. For so long he was safe under the
routine of escape and work. Why was the memory of the bleeding man next to him
coming back? Why were his hands painted red once more, shaking with guilt?
"Stop it..." the words escaped without his knowledge, his lips continuing to
move without words to grace them.
What was he doing here?
Hoseok's hands found a lamp, and for whatever reason, his arm jerked, the lamp
hitting the wall across from him. Everything else was gone, all reason had
fled. There was only him now. Black. That was all he'd seen at that moment as
he screamed words he could not quite remember. It may have been words of plea.
May have been words of anger, but his mind was so far gone that any memory past
the shattering of glass faded. He recalled one sound, a voice. The voice of the
previously concerned man calling out to him. He could not make out any of his
words, his own throat crackling with his screams as he pulled ruthlessly on his
own hair. Why was the man lying there? Why was he next to him bleeding, while
he held the knife?
What was he doing here?
'Stop it'
--
Simon's body was still visibly shaking, and he found words on his tongue,
things he wanted to say but knew were of no use, no sense to be saying. His
steps were shuffled and slow as he made his way to the bathroom, washing his
hands of the blood that stained his palms. What had Hoseok done? Was he in
trouble? Should he be doing something else? Simon took off his glasses,
splashing his face with water. He needed to calm down.
Somewhere outside of his realm of hearing at the moment, Simon knew Hoseok was
getting up, and could hear his mumbles with a look of almost glee, excited to
hear more words from the young man. But they were not as expected. They almost
sounded argumentative. He got his glasses on in time to duck a shattering lamp,
but not the fallout, a chip of ceramic cutting the teacher's face. The words
that were coming out now were so rushed and so loud that he couldn't quite pick
them apart. "Stop" seemed to be recurrent though.
Simon didn't know what to do. He knew that he had to stop him, but... How? How
was he supposed to do anything to stop Hoseok? Screaming, he begged the other
to halt, to quit what he was doing, that he was somewhere safe. None of it
seemed to match the younger's own screams, but he tried his best to talk over
him.
Finding that this was not working, Simon did the next best thing that he could
think of. He needed to snap the younger out of this, and cold water always
seemed to do the trick. Snapping the shower into the on position, the blond
decided to do what he could and reached out to hug Hoseok. Hug him and
practically throw himself onto the floor trying to get the younger into the
shower. He hit his head on the edge of the sliding glass, but it was worth it
as he felt the chilly water slide over his skin. A shiver rose, along with
goosebumps and a satisfied smile. Maybe this would be what the other needed,
maybe this would get him to think straight. Simon's own head was fuzzy, but
still focused on the screaming male in his arms.
--
The words spoken to him were heard. Hoseok was there, he was sane enough to
understand the other's concern, but his fear was far too devastatingly great.
He recalled every image that had driven him to this state, his blood loud in
his ears as it rushed through his body. He could feel the older man's frenzied
actions as he pulled him towards the bathroom, Hoseok's body too limp to help
him with whatever he was trying to accomplish. It wasn't until the cold water
hit his back and head that Hoseok's eyes grew and he gasped, immediately
hugging the man in front of him without realizing. His hold on him was tight,
the water crawling down his back, washing away blood and dirt. Somehow, this
did what it was assumed to do, calm him, but only for a few minutes, his entire
body shivering uncontrollably. He knew this wasn't only due to the sudden
coolness brought onto him but mainly of the mental break down session. He knew
this part of the equation well, the final part before he was himself again. He
knew how to control it.
Hoseok pushed the older man away, needing as much breathing space as possible,
his chest moving too fast. He bit down on his lip, attempting to slow his
breathing to a normal enough pace so he wouldn't pass out and possibly give the
other a heart attack. 'Simon...' While Hoseok was trying to focus on his own
breathing to calm himself, his eyes flickered up to the still man, his face
bleeding, his tears obvious. He caused that. Hoseok let out a laugh, small and
choked, and containing no amusement. It was a pained laugh, something he did to
stop from physically beating himself up too much. What was he thinking? Was he
really considering this man as anything more than some stranger for even a god
damn second? He knew himself better, knowing that being with someone else was
practically impossible. Never being able to evade his past nor his actions and
personality. This was wrong...
Hoseok placed his head between his knees, allowing a few final tears to pass
through, suddenly regretting his decision of taking this job and meeting this
man. There was something more powerful however, something that forced him up
regardless of his shaking legs. Something that pushed him at every sense of the
word, giving him strength he lost the moment he was met with his enemy. He
recalled this as his protective instinct. Hoseok's hands were shaking, but they
were quick to finish the tasks in mind. He turned the water facet off, moving
out of the tub, his eyes meeting the other's confused ones for a second as he
grabbed two towels, throwing one to the older man's head, placing the other on
his own. He needed to fix things, no matter how small. It was always something
he had to do when he managed to fuck up this big. He knew the aftermath well. A
melancholic smile stretching his face as he left the washroom and avoided the
shards. After all this, the recipient of his madness would be gone before or
after he tried to fix things. His hands would move quick, knowing that the
other party would be eager to leave, sometimes he wasn't even able to touch the
other person before they ran out the door. Simon was probably too shocked to
run, it would be soon however, he knew.
His hands reached for the first aid that was abandoned on the nightstand the
night before and walked back to the tub. "Don't move please" his voice shaky
and small but authoritative. Hoseok's hands touched the older man's face for a
moment, scanning the cut he'd inflicted. He cursed himself for ruining such a
face and sighed, balancing the first aid next to him and using the unmoved
towel to dry the other's head then moving it down to his shoulders. Taking out
the materials needed, he worked quickly to clean off the fresh wound and
bandage it. Leaving the mess behind, Hoseok helped the frightened man up,
supporting him with his own shaking body. Once reaching the bed, he turned them
around and flopped down, both their still wet bodies half laying on the bed,
and staring at the ceiling.
--
Fuzzy was an understatement. Simon felt as though his brain had been stuffed
with cotton balls, and he couldn't pull them out. Couldn't think around them.
Couldn't find anyway to pull them out of his head. But it was okay, really,
since they were warm and kept him from thinking, kept him from feeling. Was
this what the phrase comfortably numb referred to? He could easily see that.
And that was what the blond wanted to be.
Letting the icy water continue to roll over him, he paid no attention to the
younger as he got out, nor until he was suddenly accosted by the rough sounds
of silence, the falling water and everything else seeming to halt. His glasses
were askew, that was his only problem right now. They were sitting awkwardly
over his nose and not quite hooked on one ear, and it was driving him mad.
lifting one heavy arm, the teacher corrected this imbalance approximately at
the same time he was hit with a towel, taking that as a cue to get up, but
frankly, he had no will to. What had he gotten himself into? Why was he
behaving so calmly in the midst of all this terror? What had Hoseok done? That
had to be the most important question of all. Shuffling in his wet clothing,
Simon righted his awkward sitting position into a more comfortable one,
thinking about getting up, but not finding the willpower yet.
Jumping slightly at the cool hands touching his face, pulling down the towel
and tending to the gash where the sliver of ceramic had caught him, Simon took
a few seconds to register that it was Hoseok. Of course. Who else would it have
been? He thought with a smile that was almost a laugh as he chastised himself
personally. He allowed his body to be moved, but made no effort to help the
younger do it, still not wanting to move as far as he was concerned. And if he
did move, it should have been to get out of the wet denim encasing his legs,
not to fall into bed. The comfortable cottony feeling still reigned supreme in
his mind though, and he let himself fall with the other, without a sound of
complaint.
Curling onto his side, Simon opened his eyes, bearing a little smile at the
other as he wrapped a leg over him and crossed his arm over the younger’s
chest. He was warm. So warm. “You…” He started, finding his fuzzy mind doing
less than the proper job of stringing words together into sentences. “You
should cuddle back…” The teacher hummed out his desires that he preferred would
have stayed under wraps, rather than the words he meant to say. “I mean, that…
You should relax… Because I’m not letting you go until you tell me what all
that was about. Maybe not everything. But why you’re hurt. Why you yelled at
me. And threw the lamp.” Simon curled tighter around the other, holding Hoseok
like he was an octopus and Hoseok the clam he planned on eating. He would not
let go until he got some closure, some reason for his mild heart attack, and
some sort of comfort for the commotion tonight. Then, he vowed, he would return
the favor.
--
'What the hell..' was the first thing that came to mind once the other touched
him. He seemed to have lost his mind and adapted that of a Koala, resting both
his leg and arm on Hoseok's sore body. This was definitely strange. Stranger
than anything they had done so far, but he had to admit... it was nice. He felt
something alien bubbling up in his chest and he didn't know whether he should
laugh or cry- maybe both. He stuck with a small chuckle, crackling from the
pressure of the hits taken to his chest previously. How could this man be so
cute?
"You're creeping me out" he spat playfully, his eyes moving back to the ceiling
and smiling at the man who nuzzled closer. He didn't know what possessed him at
that moment, but regardless of the uncomfortable wetness, he liked the pressure
and warmth emanating from the older man, so he closed his eyes. Touched the
other's arm. Kissed the top of his head. He couldn't understand his actions,
but he allowed them to occur, thinking that maybe this could be his last chance
at comfort.
"Hyung.. remember when I said I'm not really myself when I'm in pain?" He
didn't wait for an answer, his hand, possibly due to nervousness, began moving
in circles on the other's arm. "This may sound crazy, so brace yourself" he
swallowed, about to reveal a big part of his life that he had not told anyone
before. Never really had the chance to anyway. He was hesitant, and it wasn't
the lack of trust which somehow he had so much for this man, but it may have
been the threat of release that came with the agreement of explaining himself.
He wanted to stay like this as much as possible, but he knew he had to tell him
something. It wasn't fair to Simon otherwise.
"The place I work at... the nightclub. It's owned by the man who took care of
me when I first came to Seoul. I was really young." He closed his eyes again,
unsettling images crawling underneath his lids as his entire body tensed. "I
suck at my job you see" a foreign stretch that seemed to be a smile appeared,
his eyes meeting the other's suddenly. "He's letting me keep it regardless of
my non-existent skills, even gave me an apartment and bonuses every now and
then. He's the only thing keeping me from other professions... you know...
prostitution, drug dealing... all that wonderful crap."
Hoseok unintentionally gripped Simon's wrist, as if holding him from running
away, his stare darkening, "Once I do something he doesn't like... however
small... I get beat for it" a distressed laughter escaped his lips before he
bit down and looked away. "It's not a big deal really, it's just that I tend to
have a bit of a nervous attack when I'm in a lot of pain" his words were
quicker now, feeling suffocated, "Sorry... I wasn't aware of what I was doing."
--
Simon held tightly to Hoseok despite the protests and his misgivings about
their closeness, as it seemed, letting the other stage whatever argument he
had, but ignoring it fully because his body reacted the way the elder had
expected it would. Even if just a bit, it seemed like the younger wanted to be
held like this. Somewhere, buried deeply beneath everything else, he welcomed
this sort of touch. Maybe... Maybe he just wasn't used to it, Simon thought to
himself as he listened, nodding softly against the other's unwounded shoulder.
Taking in the information, the cotton in his head made it filter through
slowly, which was probably the only way Simon got through it all without facing
another panic attack himself. He just nodded slowly, gave no other adverse
reaction, and took it all in. What concerned him most was not the reaction that
Hoseok had, but /why/. Why he became violent. Why he let this person walk all
over him, why, just why. Of course, the elder was smarter than to voice this
aloud, but rather, wondered silently to himself and he peppered the other's
soaked shirt with little kisses, sensing how Hoseok's anxiety was rising again.
"It's okay, I forgive you." He simply stated, not knowing what else could
encompass everything that he needed to right now. Comfort, understanding,
need... None of it would come through properly to the elder, who was still in
shock and probably would be for a few hours.
Reluctantly, he sat up after the younger explained, giving Hoseok his small
amends before he took off his polo shirt, a shiver coursing his skin at the
cool air of the apartment over wet skin. "Sit up... You'll catch your death in
these clothes. Plus, we still have to set your shoulder." Everything about
Simon right now was slow and deliberate, but borne with a small smile, for the
sake of the dark-haired, tattooed male that lay beside him. He wanted to show
him that he could find comfort as a reward for opening up, since it did not
seem to be something high on his list of favorite pass times. Moving to stand,
Simon carefully helped the younger out of his clothes, offering him a pair of
oversized flannels to wear for now, and one of his shirts, since he did not
feel like venturing back out to the bloody living room to retrieve Hoseok's
things.
--
Hoseok couldn't help the smile that quickly faded once the other sat up. At
first, he was bitter because the man moved away from his touch, but once Simon
took off his shirt, Hoseok couldn't help but stare. His mind was elsewhere, and
regardless of the kind words and gestures, he couldn't keep his eyes away from
the tattooed chest. His thoughts crammed to one side as he allowed the other to
undress him then his eyes moved to the large pants covering his body. Was Simon
really that much bigger than him, or was this purposefully oversized. It didn't
matter, it was warm, and this feeling of being safe and comfortable was a nice
change to his usual hectic life. His smile grew, not caring anymore what the
other would think as he continued to stare, this time at his features, as the
other covered himself with fresh clothes. Hoseok noticed he was handsome the
moment they met, but this feeling was so different. He didn't know what it was
nor how to describe it. He didn't want to control it either. He just let it be.
Reality pushed down on his moment of contentment as his shoulder began to ache
once more. He huffed, questioning his body for it's weakness, then moved to the
side, giving the other more space to help him push it back into place. His hand
found the other's shirt and squinted, ready to scream in pain. The second time
wasn't any better as he gasped and groaned, holding back his cries. He was so
tired at this point, every single bit of his body aching. Dammit, this was
becoming a habit.
Hoseok's mind processed the information he spoke to the other, knowing that for
sure the older man was still curious about his drastic happenings. It was
something he could not speak of, and felt like silence would surely bring it
up, so he quickly stood, swaying slightly on his unsteady feet. He desperately
pulled on the other's shirt then pointed towards the kitchen. "Let's get
drunk!" His voice sounded through the empty apartment, his nerves obvious. It
wasn't like he thought Simon would forget his little confession of not enjoying
alcohol but he honestly did not know what else to say to elude the moment they
seemed to be trapped in. Besides, Simon appeared to enjoy alcohol.
--
Helping the other into his clothes, Simon felt a smile gracing his features for
how the other looked, drowned in his purposely oversized sleepwear. He couldn't
help it that made him comfortable, but, to see Hoseok in his clothes... That
was kind of cute. Finishing dressing himself as well, Simon sat back down at
the edge of the bed and prepared for the next step that he didn't want to take.
Another sound of crunching bones and Simon sat down beside the younger, almost
immediately wrapping him up in a warm embrace. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." He
whispered, the pain obviously written on Hoseok's face.
Looking up as he was tugged, the blond's eyes followed Hoseok's arms to his
face, searching for the catch that had to be hidden there. The younger had made
mention that he didn't drink, so what was he trying to do now...
Reluctantly, Simon rose to his feet, letting Hoseok lead the way for him, the
trip to the kitchen uneventful as it could be. Once they got there, however,
the teacher noticed that he had forgotten all of his effects on the table. He
paused for a second before going over and picking everything up, shoving his
sheet music together in a hasty pile, and closing the laptop. Drinking, he
would be tempted to write more, and the other obviously needed more of his
attention than that would dictate.
He pulled two beers from the fridge after his hurried attempt at cleaning,
setting one down in front of the younger and keeping one for himself, opening
the bottle and swallowing the whole thing before he could even take a breath.
Laughing as he gasped for air, the blond shook his head, feeling the cotton
clear out of his mind with just that one drink. "You... Won't like me when I'm
drunk." He warned Hoseok as he reached for another beer already. "I'm cheesy
and flirty and... All those bad things." A grin tugged at the corners of his
lips, for as much as he said he hated it, being drunk had never sounded like a
better escape.
--
Once at the kitchen, Hoseok froze in place, watching Simon pass him and
frantically hide his things. Was it work? The hurried motion caused Hoseok's
curiosity to reach it's maximum as he eyed the laptop and notes that were
shoved away. He sighed, letting it be for now. He wasn't the only one with
secrets. His fingers traced the cold glass placed in front of him, watching as
the other quickly replaced one beer with another. The younger man's eyes were
on his lips more than paying attention to what was coming out of them.
Something about flirting while drunk, well... that he certainly didn't mind in
all honesty. Hoseok admitted to himself that he would like to finally see this
teacher let go.
Hoseok clearly cheated. Busying himself with his own thoughts and his wandering
eyes than actually joining the other with the poison in their hands. Alcohol
was something he forbade himself of, knowing the consequences that haunted him
for years. In all honesty though, he also just never craved it. Water and tea
were enough for him. The older male quickly downed his second beer and when he
reached for another, resourcefully keeping the fridge open, Hosoek shoved his
own beer in his hands instead. "Take mine" he allowed a smile to pass, his eyes
moving to places they shouldn't. His attraction was evident, loud and fucking
clear, and it seemed like there was something in this damned kitchen that drove
him to lacking any resistance towards his hyung. Deja vu split his image as his
pants grew tighter around his member. Dammit... what the hell...
Hoseok rested his head on the cooling material of the table, clearly not
wanting the other to see his face as his ears were visibly red. His next
actions were so foreign to him for a moment he thought his body was being
possessed with a high school girl, and in all honesty, Simon was not drunk
enough for this. A hand snacked to the other side of the table, finding Simon's
busy hand and holding on to it tightly. Nope, he wasn't going to look up. He
did not want to see the possible shock on the other's face. He did not want
Simon to see his pathetic face either. "Hyung..."
what the hell was he thinking...?
'Stop it idiot...'
"I really like you hyung."
Bloody hell...
***** Burning Confessions *****
Simon scoffed as he downed the second bottle, clearly running a race in which
he was the only participant, the finishing line the effects of alcohol that
would run his system for him. It was obvious that Hoseok wasn't in this game,
nor had he honestly expected him to be. Reaching for the bottle offered, the
teacher could feel how fuzzy his head had grown to be, but in a different way,
kicking the fridge door shut and pouring himself into the chair across from
Hoseok. Was the younger staring at him? If he was, he wouldn't complain, but,
it was a little odd for him to do so wordlessly. Then again, this was the place
that they had been most intimate so far, so maybe he just had a kitchen fetish.
Who knows? 
Simon had begun to feel the buzz growing in the back of his head when the other
laid out on the table, and his curiosity peaked once more. He was supposed to
be the one who was having fun - after all, he was the one who suggested this -
but the blond paid no mind to it. He probably wasn't feeling up to it after
everything and just wanted Simon to get drunk and forget, but that would be
harder to accomplish than he imagined. The teacher was so caught up in trying
to analyze the situation that he did not even notice until their hands were
wrapped together, and Hoseok was talking. 
What the fuck was he saying? No - Simon must be drunk. He had to be. Sparing a
little chuckle, the blond found himself playing with the tattooed male's
fingers. "Oh, do you? Took you long enough to come around." The words slipped
out before he could even stop them, not even fully aware of why he was saying
them. It's not like he shared the same sentiments, really... Their relationship
towards one another was so fuelled by rage and dislike that there was no room
for affection... Was there? 
Setting down the beer, Simon could feel his face warming up, although whether
it was Hoseok or the alcohol causing it, he wasn't really sure. He tugged
lightly on the other's hand, smile growing broader by the second. "Say... How
about we dance?" He asked, reaching for his laptop and turning it on to the
music player. Simon didn't even wait for a confirmation before standing and
lightly leading the younger to his chest. The music he had written earlier rang
out through the laptop's speakers, and he held Hoseok to his body, leading him
in small circles around the kitchen floor. 
"I like you too, Hoseok."
The words were low and soft, whispered as Simon held the other close. God was
he ever cheesy when he had been drinking, but somehow, he hoped that the
younger wouldn't mind.
--
So he finally confessed. Not only to the older man who was currently teasing
him, but to himself as well. This was probably one of the most difficult things
he'd done, as he never had the pleasure of experiencing this feeling before. Of
course he liked others, it wasn't like he was made out of stone. But his
feelings were always so subtle that he never felt the need to confess, and
somehow pushing them away whenever it came down to it. This time however, this
warmth he felt against the other's chest... it was foreign.. but it was safe.
He could even hear Simon's quickening heart beats over the soft music. Hoseok
felt safe.
The words to come out of the other however, he wasn't expecting. They shared
their feelings after all that happened, and he was so confused. Not only had
they met only the day before, but he also put Simon through hell with his
unfortunate lifestyle. His fears came back just as quickly as they dissipated
with the closeness. No... what if his boss found out? No...
He couldn't do this. 
Hoseok placed his hands on the man's chest, hesitating for a moment, shutting
his eyes tightly. He lightly pushed the man away from him, his eyes moving up
to the man's confused face. Tears built up in his eyes, but he swore to himself
that he would fix this as he pushed them back. His pain was evident, he clearly
couldn't hide that, but he didn't know what else to do. "I'm quitting the show
first thing tomorrow morning"
He didn't need to think long, those words had been weighing on his tongue since
he lay his bloody body on the apartment floor. He was sure of that much. What
he couldn't do was walk away from him. 
In all honesty, the point behind two jobs was to get away from the first. To
restart his life. This wasn't planned, nor was it something he wanted to
happen. It was true, he liked Simon more than he wanted to, but he couldn't
bare to hurt this man any longer. He needed to step back. But his feet weren't
moving.
"Sorry hyung."
--
Simon felt happy, actually, which was quite the surprise. He hadn't expected to
feel so good after such a long night, nor after the ridiculous things that had
been said. Of course the feeling would be short lived, he thought, when he felt
those cool hands press into his chest. Craning his head, Simon looked down at
the younger with confusion, maybe a hint of sadness, as he waited for his
explanation. 
That was it? 
The blond didn't know whether to laugh or cry, finding that things were finally
falling into a certain order when Hoseok scattered the pieces once more. Funny,
his immediate reaction was not to try and change his mind, but only to hold him
tighter for the time he would have him. "So that's it, huh? You just... Blow in
here, captivate me, and run away?" He asked, fighting to keep his hold as the
other fought to pull back. 
"I don't want an apology, I want an explanation." 
Was that so much to ask? For everything they had put each other through? For
the common ground they had just seemed to find? For the 3,000 minutes they had
shared, this was all it was going to end on: a 'Sorry' and then goodbye? Simon
had honestly not felt this confused for quite some time, probably since he'd
last dated... And this just went to prove that he shouldn't date period.
-----
Regardless of the words spoken, the man's voice soothed him slightly,
hopelessly pushing the man away without any actual strength, needing the touch
more than anything at that moment. He wanted to cry out, wanted to bury his
face in the other's clothes and just allow things to settle as they were, but
no... he never really had any luck. He would not cause him anymore pain.
An explanation. It was funny how Hoseok could run around, mouthing off and
teasing anyone and everyone he met, but once it came to talking about himself,
his words would flee and leave him defenseless. What could he tell him? Could
he really explain or be forced to lie as habit called for? The latter seemed
like the better option, quickly reminding himself of his background and how he
never wanted to pull Simon into it. His words contradicted his thoughts
however.
“I don't want to hurt you hyung.” his voice slightly muffled by Simon's shirt.
Why couldn't he shut up for once? Why was his mouth so rebellious?
How far was he planning on going?
“I like you too much to do this to you.”
'Dammit shut up!'
--
Simon's hand came to rest at the base of Hoseok's neck when the younger was
left with his face buried into the elder's shirt, his other arm resting loosely
about his waist. Though they had long stopped moving, the music played on. Such
a melody suddenly seemed quite apt for heartache. It didn't hurt, not yet, but
he was sure it would after Hoseok had his say. The younger had no problem going
in for the kill, and the blond knew it well enough. 
The words were the last thing that the teacher expected, however, wanting to
have them repeated and then wanting to hit the other for being so... weird. He
let his grip tighten around the tattooed male as they sunk in, and he sighed. 
"You're funny if you think you can hurt me. For everything we've done to each
other... You're the bruised and broken one. I have a scratch on my cheek." It
was an attempt at comfort, but Simon could see himself failing at that one, so
he quickly changed tactics. 
"If... If you're serious about leaving, then will you at least let me hold you
tonight?" He asked to follow up, changing the direction of the conversation. He
would not beg, if Hoseok thought this was the only way, but the younger
probably underestimated what lengths Simon would go through to find him again. 
He pulled away just far enough to look at the younger and get a good view of
his face. Yeah, if he really left, Simon would go out and find him... After
all, a face like Hoseok's stuck out in the crowd.
--
Drama had been a constant genre in his life. From being kicked out, to the
lowest point in his life, to this. He didn't know how to order the events in
all honesty, feeling like each part was worse than the other yet all sharing
the same element of crushing him.
Of course Simon didn't understand. How would he? He didn't know what the other
meant by hurting him, and it may have brought a smile to his face, because
Hoseok didn't want him to know. He wasn't going to ever let it happen, hiding
and protecting his hyung becoming his goal. 
He was so offended by his next words, speaking of holding each other, he wanted
to bite his chest, but the man pulled away before he could. Bastard dodged a
bullet. Hoseok's teeth were no joke. It was funny how, regardless of the
situation, the teacher could still bring a smile to his beaten face. He wanted
to punch him for it, especially after so much of this gross contact. 
Hoseok playfully scowled up at the man and raised an eyebrow. He would give him
tonight. He really wanted to. He could at least give him this much. "You're
grossing me out hyung, seriously what the hell" he finally found his voice, his
words held no means of resentment as he teased Simon, pushing him off and
smirking. Somehow, in that moment, his pain and worries seemed to dissolve,
replaced by a growing bit of peace and contentment. He wasn't going to
complain, giving himself and the other at least this one moment of free
thought. They both needed it.
--
Letting a broad, cheesy grin take over his face, Simon hugged Hoseok closer
gently, trying not to disturb anything that might still be even sort of out of
place. "I told you I get cheesy when I drink! And I'm pretty sure I told you
that you wouldn't like it..." He muttered sheepishly as a follow-up, stumbling
back a bit as they separated. He was not quite drunk yet, but this with buzz
and the circumstances of tonight, Simon gave himself a free pass to be as
cheesy as he felt. At least, it seemed like the other enjoyed it too, from what
he could tell. 
So he took a step forward. Then another. And yet a third, until he was pressed
onto Hoseok once more. Cheesy or not, if this was going to be their last night,
their last encounter in the foreseeable future, he did have something he wanted
to do. Tilting the younger's head up, Simon made sure that their eyes met
before anything else. 
It took him a good few seconds to work up the courage, taking a deep breath and
swallowing in what had to be the most unappealing display he could imagine,
but... Simon just wanted this to be a perfect memory. One that would last the
younger for months, years if need be, before they met again. Slowly, as not to
detract anything from the moment, Simon leaned in, covering those pierced lips
with his own, feeling the warmth of the metal embedded in the younger's mouth
pressing against his flesh. Taking his time, the blond dragged everything out:
the initiation, the gentle nipping, the inevitable dance between their
tongues. 
It was the ideal last kiss for the younger, Simon's form of a parting gift. And
now that it was over, he backed away quickly, fearing the repercussions, a
small smirk teasing over his wet lips. "Are you coming to bed with me?"
--
The closeness of the other was nice, even if it caused a small grunt
considering the injuries and how sore his body was. Once Simon reached closer
to his face, Hoseok could feel the pressure in his chest and his body burning.
They had yet to touch, but their connection was clear, reading into each
other's eyes. Knowing exactly what they wanted. Hoseok's hands moved on their
own, snaking around the other's torso and up to the back of his neck the moment
their lips pressed against each other. There was passion more than lust. Their
tongues brushing, exploring each other's mouth and melting into the kiss which
was not long enough.
His eyes. Damn, he must have fallen for those eyes. They spoke so much as they
separated, Simon backing away and looking right through him. Hoseok felt a
shiver roll down his spine and through his arms and legs, possibly even his
groin, as he felt the warmth settle there. His eyes spared no time to lower to
the older man's ass as he watched him walk away. This was it, he was in this
moment and there was nothing else on his mind than them being together for as
long as possible. His feet padded on the cold flooring, a sudden boost of
energy circulating his entire body. The moment they were in the bedroom, their
eyes connected again. 
Hoseok was too fired up to be subtle anymore, knowing exactly what they both
wanted but wouldn't voice out. If this was the last time, then they had to make
it memorable. His fingers moved down the length of the older man's arm, their
hands touching for a moment as he connected their lips again. This time, the
kiss was sloppy and wet, but the passion and heat between them kept him from
caring about technique. His mind had vacated as he allowed his body to do all
the talking, grabbing Simon's hand and moving it to his own groin, allowing him
insight. "I want you hyung" he spoke into the man's mouth, his breaths
quickening as he felt the touch on his member.
--
 Simon wasted no time in retreating to the bedroom, feeling his arousal grow
with just the anticipation alone of having the younger be his once more, one
last time. The coy smile he wore disappeared between their lips, his eyes
taking in the placid bliss that covered Hoseok's face before he lost himself in
the heated liplock and the feeling of the younger's arousal in his hands. He
cared not for anything else, other than the siren song of the younger's body
calling him in. 
Simon's hand loosened from where the younger had held it, instead wrapping his
hands around his waist and lifting Hoseok up to place him gently on the bed,
not letting their lips part until he was seated on the bed and the teacher
could wait no longer. Letting his lips trail down the other's chin and neck,
Simon undressed him with the same care that he had shown in dressing him,
revealing the hardened length that he knew would be waiting for him and
stretches of tattooed skin. Unlike last time, when there had been nothing but
hatred, Simon wanted to show the younger something more. He wanted to give him
all the pleasure that he already knew but with none of the pain that had left
him limping the night before. 
Leaning over Hoseok once he was bare, Simon let his hand go back to the place
it had been directed, this time without any fabric in the way of his touches.
His erect flesh was so warm beneath the blond's palm, he could not help but let
out a light groan as he really explored the younger's body, taking his time as
he played with the tattooed male. 
The teacher started slowly, simply stroking Hoseok's length, feeling the heated
flesh throb in his hand. It was quite erotic now that he was taking the time to
savor each action and see how he could affect the younger. Before long, he had
allowed his lips and tongue to take part in the action as well, lavishing his
attentions between the other's length and his testicles, not wanting to miss a
single chance to give the dark haired male as much pleasure as he could. It was
a practice in restraint for Simon, whose own body was on the verge of betraying
him, his length apparent even beneath baggy pajamas; But the whole point of
them being together now was to erase the night before and create something for
them to remember another by that was not abject hatred.
--
There were so many emotions flowing through him that Hoseok didn't know exactly
what to focus on. A part of him screamed at him to not end it like this, that
he would regret it, the other part just wanted to hold on to Simon as much as
possible for the rest of the night. His heart was pounding in his ears as soon
as Simon undressed him and began stroking. He leaned back on his elbows,
closing his eyes and breathing out the heaviness in his chest. It kept coming
back every time the other moved up, barely grazing the tip, and it seemed
Hoseok was craving more as his hips spoke for him, thrusting up against Simon's
hand. 
"Hyung stop teasing me" Hoseok groaned, tilting his head back and quickening
the thrusts. He was unable to hide the fact that he missed the roughness from
the night before. It was something he didn't think he would enjoy, but somehow,
the thought of it excited him greatly. He bit his lip and grabbed Simon by the
collar, quickly standing to his feet and pushing the startled man to the bed.
He may have enjoyed the surprise on his face a little more than necessary as
his own penis twitched and hit his stomach lightly once he moved to straddle
him. "Sorry, I couldn't help it."
There was no time to lose, Hoseok's hands moving without thought. He pulled the
man's shirt off with one quick motion, his hands moving down the tattooed
chest, admiring it. "You look amazing" his eyes shot up to meet Simon's, a
smirk crossing his face at the lust in his eyes, then moved down. His tongue
flicked the other's nipples, tasting every part of the tattooed, flushed chest
before slowly sliding down to his pants. He didn't want to tease, he just
wanted to have him in his mouth. All of him. Choking wasn't a bad experience
after all. 
His fingers wrapped around the band and pulled Simon's pants down just enough
for his excited member to hit his face. A small chuckle escaped Hoseok's lips,
making sure there was eye contact at all times as he took Simon's entire length
in his mouth. He couldn't help the hand that moved down to touch his own length
as he sucked Simon off, moaning at the multiplying pleasure burning his body,
his other hand brushing against the older's abs. They seemed to get lost in
each other's eyes as Hoseok's head bobbed and hearing the other's moans was
enough to almost get Hoseok off as he let his dick go, holding himself back to
enjoy the moment further.
--
He knew that soft shit wouldn't go over well. Simon reluctantly began to let go
of Hoseok, wondering if he really was such a sucker for rough sex and pain. The
teacher, however, when not as angry as he had been that night considering the
bullshit attitude the younger had pulled, was more of a quietly passionate
fellow, the sort to spoil his lover and take the time to find out every
intricacy of their likes and dislikes, ways to turn them on and use their
bodies to bring them to the edge, then slowly draw back to keep the game
going... But again, he should have known that wouldn't work here. Not with
Hoseok. Not with their non-existent relationship. Shame. 
He felt his lips open in a gasp as he was pulled up and wheeled around by the
younger male, who was far stronger than he looked, after all, his eyes wide on
the other. Hoseok was enjoying this way too much. He allowed the younger to
peel his clothing off, the thin material of the shirt doing little to hide
Simon's form and ink anyways. It was almost entrancing to watch, the way the
tattooed male's eyes glimmered as he teased and tasted flesh, tracing the
defined lines cut across the teacher's torso down until he released Simon's
throbbing length from beneath his baggy pajamas. 
It was true, Hoseok's mouth tasted like lust incarnate, and his wet, hot muscle
sliding over the blond's length made him remember thinking that previously.
God, was it ever the perfect mouth for giving a blowjob, his dick being bathed
in heat and treated to the younger's tight throat all at once. "Fuck--" Simon
managed to grunt out, his lips much looser thanks to the lingering effects of
the alcohol in his system, the arm not propping up his body going to weave
through damp hair to pull those lips down to meet his flesh. The more he
watched the younger's arm move, the more Simon wanted to force upon him,
bucking his hips upwards as he pushed the dark, unruly hair down. 
More unsolicited groans left Simon's lips as he watched, though his eyes never
did quite lower to the action, but rather, remained focused on Hoseok's. Even
as his mind grew clouded, those eyes kept him focused, locked on with
everything he had. He could hardly take much more, the strange intensity of it
all making his length throb and leak, nearing a point of no return. "Hoseok -
- No more." The blond gave his command, tugging at the dark hair once more to
pull him away, puffy pinks lips shining with his own saliva. "Get up here," He
said next, this time more of a request than command, tugging the younger up
onto the bed and into his lap, sliding his saliva-slicked cock into the cleft
of the other's cheeks and rolling his hips. 
Simon did this for just a few seconds, just to get him used to the feeling,
before he drew back a bit, lining his length against the tight hole of the
younger. He knew his body must still be sore, so he wanted him to go at his own
pace until he could get accustomed to the stretch of being filled again. the
teacher's eyes had yet to leave the younger's, knowing he'd follow through and
complete the action on his own without need for being told.
--
Having been told to stop, Hoseok was incredibly tempted to push Simon further,
destroying any composure the other still had. Once he was pulled however, he
allowed him to do as he wished, his eyes still set on the other's, a soft,
melancholic smile appearing out of nowhere. As to not ruin the moment, the
younger quickly buried his face in the man's shoulder and kissed it a few
times, letting out pleasured sighed at the kind hands that touched him. His own
hands slithering around the boiling body beneath him, grasping handfuls of the
other's hair, slowly lowering his hips to meet the waiting cock. The slow
stretch was agonizing, but this time it was wet enough, and he was more than
ready to take his full length.
Hoseok moved his hips slowly, his own member rubbing between their torsos and
leaking. There was no control. His hips moved untimely on their own and with
the support of the other's hungry hands. His mind was lost in the pleasure and
agony of the knowledge of the aftermath. Their bodies somehow synchronized at
one point however, Hoseok's moans seemingly louder than the other's as his
voice echoed throughout the apartment. It wasn't without words as he called out
to the other, sometimes asking for more aggression, other times approving the
pace and accepting the tenderness that flowed out of the older male. 
Their breaths quickened with the ever increasing heat and pleasure that
connected them, the pace mirroring their emotions. Hoseok moved his head,
needing more, their lips connecting again. The kiss was sloppy, wet,
passionate, and far too emotional. Tears slipped without warning, and he hoped
to everything that Simon did not notice. His body began to show the routine
signs of peaked pleasure, limbs weakening, head tilting, stomach turning, chest
burning, and before he could scream Simon's name, the flow of white was
released on the other's chest, his hole spasming against the man's penis. His
hands quickly found Simon's thighs for support, forgetting about his own
dizzying pleasure as he continued to roll his hips against the length inside
him, hoping to bring Simon to a breaking point, milking him.
--
The smile caught the eyes that were still gazing in wonder at the younger of
the two, knowing all too well what it was for. The ache of the other leaving
would be something he had to bury for the time being. It was more important to
make this worth the pain that was inevitable. Moving his large hands around the
other's frame, Simon touched every inch of skin in reverence, thankful that he
even got this chance. His touches were gentle around the bruising that showed,
the red blotches that Hoseok wore, but demanding where he felt he could be,
begging for more of the male in his lap. 
The entire speed of the act this time was something that Simon felt was more
appropriate: the slow slide that engulfed his length in heat, the feeling of
the other clinging to his hair, the soft lips that grazed his shoulder as the
younger tried to hide what was really going through his mind. Trying to hide
that this was something more than just a means to an end. Falling into the
rhythm that the other set, hips rushing up to meet the ones that bounced
against his, Simon did his best to acquiesce every breathy request Hoseok made,
being rougher with his body when it seemed like he needed it, then falling back
into the steady-but-passionate pace that had been set for them to begin with. 
All the while, his mind was focused on Hoseok's body and his response, learning
what the younger craved and how exactly he preferred his contact, watching
every reaction and letting his body stay open and receptive to each action.
Simon still refused to believe that this night would be their last; not by a
long shot. 
It felt as though they were one for a fleeting few moments, their synchronous
movements building to an almost frenzied pace when their lips connected,
leaving Simon breathless before the kiss even sealed, breathing in the very
same air that was exhaled against his nose. He could smell the tears on the
younger's skin but said nothing, just shifting a hand to his hair and kept him
pressed tight to his lips. He would never let Hoseok know that he knew, it
would be too much. For both of them. 
Simon felt the other grow weaker in his arms and loosened his grip, rather than
pulling him tighter, allowing his trembling body to sit upright and helping to
hold him there, letting him ride out his own end before he could even
contemplate letting himself release, though the struggle to satisfy his own
desires was hard to push back. As Hoseok rolled against his length, Simon
allowed his body to let go, giving himself over to the pleasure that the
younger offered him, the hold of his spasming body too much to fight against
for long. Bringing his strong hands to rest around the younger's hips, he
clasped them tight as his seed filled Hoseok's body, stilling the motions that
threatened to be his undoing. 
Panting, he tugged Hoseok to his chest, not giving a damn about the stickiness
that lay between their bodies, but just wanting to fulfill his playful words
from earlier, wanting to hold him, and just be close to the one that had him so
wrapped up that he could barely breathe right now. 
This couldn't be the end. It just couldn't. He just had to figure out how to
tell that to Hoseok.
***** Gone *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Comfort carried Hoseok to an almost sleeping state, his body absolutely seized
with pleasure and content. Simon felt so warm beneath him that he couldn't
think far enough to move and clean the mess they made, nor easing off some of
his weight on the older man. Regardless of his lanky body, he was still heavy,
and it couldn't possibly be pleasant for the poor man. It was so comfortable
however, listening to the calmed breaths of the other, blown warmly on his
shoulder. His fingers moved up to touch Simon's hair, playing with it for a few
minutes, enjoying every bit of this blissful moment until the smell of semen
overpowered his need for the man's touch. "Can we please shower?" his voice was
weak and discordant, a result of the previous screams. 
The man didn't wait for an answer to stand, the sound of mush between their
chests caused a shiver to roll down his spine and through his arms, raising
hairs. He could feel the same liquid slowly flow down his inner thighs as he
gave Simon a look, another shiver moving about his body. A small chuckle
escaped without knowing the reason why, but he was happy. He felt ridiculous in
all honesty, but he was already becoming greedy, grabbing hold of Simon's hand-
it was softer than he'd expected- and guiding him to the bathroom, his hands
quickly wiping away any traces of his previous tears. Hoseok bent over
intentionally in a seductive manner to turn on the shower faucet, and hoped for
some reaction from the other without having to look, his hands searching again
for the man's hands. He pulled him in, walking backwards into the warm water
and rolling his eyes at the pleasuring touch against his sore skin. 
Once he came to, he grabbed a conveniently placed loofah from the side, filling
it up with shampoo- the only thing that was available, and began lathering
Simon's chest and stomach. Their eyes met for a second, Hoseok hoping this
wasn't uncomfortable for the older man, because he really wanted to do this. He
tried to focus on cleaning off his semen, slyly throwing away the loofah once
that was accomplished and replacing it with his hands. His fingers ran across
the bumpy abdomen, up to his solid chest, his fingers barely grazing Simon's
nipples before moving back down and meeting the now limp member. His eyes met
the other's amused ones, his own mischievous ones sparkling evilly, "It needs
to be washed too."
--
Letting the smell of sex and sounds of heavy breathing be theirs for a few
minutes, Simon kept his words true, holding the younger close. His long, strong
fingers stroked little lines and swirls over the other's painted skin until he
pulled back, letting him go. He let himself be lead as well, finding that there
was no other option once he heard the soft, sweet laugh that spilled from
Hoseok. 
Smitten. It was something he had not been in a very long time. 
Watching as the other bent over, it took a lot of willpower not to smack his
round ass, wanting to feel that flesh again. It was quickly growing consuming,
the desire he had to touch and caress, to own and possess. It was just going to
make it all the harder when he wanted to leave, but Simon did not care. He felt
young again, alive in a way he didn't know he was missing; awake after a long
hibernation. He only chuckled at the sight, before allowing himself to be lead
back into the place that had housed them not long before. 
Simon felt as though he was watching a movie, the lithe, colored hands that
danced over his muscular body feeling like something out of a dream. He
carefully cultivated a smile when blurred eyes met his own un-glassed ones, his
hands tightening into fists by his side before lifting. They came to rest on
Hoseok's shoulders, slowly rubbing firm small circles on the spots he knew
would be sore. In combination with the warm water, he hoped that they would
loosen, and not remain knotted for another night. A groan bubbled out when he
felt the same touch that had caressed his body caressing his member, a small
stirring rolling in the pit of his stomach. "You're insatiable..." He grinned
at that smiling face, using the grip on the younger's shoulders to steer him
backwards against the wall of the shower, pressing flesh to tile. 
He leaned down slightly, just enough to press their lips together before
mumbling against them. "You're driving me mad. You really should stop now, or
else I'll never let you go." It was a warning, and a promise that Simon made,
all in one. But just as quickly as it started, he pulled back, taking the
shampoo bottle and pouring some into his hands, rubbing them together to foam
it before he replaced his grip on Hoseok, letting his fingers dance over ink
and scars, taking care to be gentle with the bruising that peeked through.
--
The hands that touched him were gentle and warm, and Hoseok could not get used
to the feeling just yet. It would probably take him a century worth of this
experience to somewhat file it as a normal occurrence between two people who
liked each other. They were not together however, and Hoseok held on to that as
much as he could, because otherwise... he wouldn't be able to leave. A smile
played on his face at the man's words, the stretch being unfamiliar, calm and
pleasant, but carrying a hint of sadness. What would he say? What could he do
other than what was necessary? He shook the feeling off, wanting so badly to
have a thoughtless night with this man just for now. His hands moved away from
the other's member, sliding up the wet skin, and landing on his solid chest,
his eyes closing in the pleasure of the man's hands on his injured body. "Then
don't." Hoseok whispered.
He knew what those two simple words meant to both of them, and no matter how
impossible they could be, they slipped out for a reason. He didn't want to look
at the expression the other would make, resting his forehead on the taller
man's shoulder instead, his hands moving down to wrap around his waist. "Wash
me off, I'm too lazy" he demanded playfully, attempting to ease down the heavy
atmosphere. Hoseok was so tired. He wanted to close his eyes and rest against
this warmth forever. He wanted to forget about everything, and no matter how
hard he tried to push away the constant thought of his future plans to leave
him without a word, they kept coming back to punch him in the gut. He peppered
kisses on Simon's shoulder and neck, tears silently slipping down his cheeks.
Dammit, he was such a crybaby.
--
'I won't.' The words sounded in his head, but would not pass his lips, Simon's
body holding back the words that would give the impossibility another sliver of
hope. He had only been given this time, he knew he could not press into it
more. The idea alone made his heart clench in an unfamiliar and painful way,
the grimace on his face something he was glad the younger did not care to see. 
Beneath the warm stream of water, he held the other tightly, hands taking every
liberty they could with the lanky form as he washed him, leaving no spot
untouched. The blond's fingers traced the lines of ink, the length of his
spine, and every subtle curve that Hoseok had to offer as he lathered his body
in suds, despite the fact that they were wiped away by the water in the blink
of an eye. That just gave him an excuse to do it again, and draw these moments
out selfishly. 
Silently, knowing he had taken more time and liberty than he should have, the
teacher finally put an end to it, balancing on one leg to turn the water off
with his foot, so that he could stay wrapped up with Hoseok for just a little
longer. That was all his body and mind screamed for right now, and he would
take every opportunity presented to do so, while there was time. Feeling like
there was so much left unsaid and unexplored with him was hard, and this was
Simon's way of coping - by keeping him close now, though it would just
exacerbate his pain later. What a double edged sword, he thought, pulling a
towel from the bar alongside the shower and covering Hoseok with it, covering
his exposed body to stave off a chill. He said nothing of the drips that
continued to fall on his shoulder, feigning stupidity for the time being. It
would make this easier in the end, and hopefully save them both from more tears
in the future.
--
He allowed himself to cry silently as the other washed him down. The gentle
hands that caressed his body were so calming, and yet filled him with further
rage and frustration. They stepped out the shower together, wrapped in one
large towel, awkwardly moving out of the bathroom. Hoseok wiped his tears and
snot quickly, chuckling at the way they shuffled into the bedroom and gave
Simon's jaw a peck before releasing himself. "We should sleep, I'm so tired."
he spoke slyly, pretending nothing happened, that he didn't cry for the entire
time they were in the shower. Hoseok shivered, running towards the bed and
crawling under the blanket, his body still damp, his hair dripping. "No
clothes!" he pointed at Simon who stood silently for a moment, possibly
wondering how old Hoseok really was considering his childish ways. He patted
the space next to him, worming his way closer to Simon once he lay there, and
flung an arm and leg over him, a quirky smile crossing his face. 
After much silence, hoping the other had fallen asleep, Hoseok leaned closer,
whispering against his shoulder, "Maybe tomorrow will be a better day."
--
Simon allowed - closer to orchestrated, but he liked to think of it as
something he allowed - the awkward shuffle while they stayed wrapped up,
Grinning a little in spite of everything else because he caught a glimpse of
how ridiculous they really looked in the bathroom mirror. Good times- he'd
probably laugh over it again someday when he wasn't too busy wallowing in
pity. 
He stood as the other left him and began to thoroughly dry his skin off,
reaching down for his bag when the warning came from the other, like a child
shouting not to peek during a game of hide and seek. Bearing a bright grin and
nothing else, the teacher shrugged, shuffling his way to the bed without his
glasses. 
Laying there felt like a dream, after he found the line of the comforter and
snuggled beneath it. It still smelled like sex, but not in such an offensive
way as to ruin their bath, but more the memory of sweat and passion, and Simon
snuggled deeper into it, and more against Hoseok. His arm wrapped protectively
over the younger, keeping him close for the night. 
Sleep was swift this way, the blonde lasting no more than five minutes before
his eyes were closed and his jaw slack, the warmth of the other granting him
the most peaceful sleep he could expect to get for everything that had gone on
today.
--
Finally sleep took him so far under that he couldn't feel the pain that clung
so firmly to his skin, pulling at it, scraping it off and digging at his
wounds. He couldn't even dream in the blinding darkness that surrounded him,
and it was a feeling he longed for. Hoping the numbness would consume him and
he wouldn't have to wake up until the nightmares end, and only Simon and his
parents remained. That would be nice...
Morning came too soon, the sun still peeking from it's mysterious confinement.
He watched it colour the sky, the rays slowly moving about the room, getting
closer to them until it sparkled over Simon's golden skin. Hoseok's eyes oozed
affection, the lifeless aura around him finally departing, his fingers brushing
over Simon's cheek carefully to not wake him. Their connection was too strong
for people that barely knew each other, and he never believed in reincarnation
until that very moment, thinking they may have been married in a past life. The
younger of the two chuckled to himself quietly at the stupid idea, sighing once
it wasn't funny anymore, the daunting, vile thoughts of his plan slowly
crawling back up his skin. His eyes darkened, the inhuman tone coloring them as
they avoided Simon's beautiful sleeping state. The young man untangled himself
from his previous lover, moving around the house like a criminal- and fuck
everything, because he was. Within minutes he was dressed, erasing every part
of his existence, which included the camera tapes, and disappearing out the
door. He would have to send back that front payment as an apology. 
The streets were awake, Seoul never really slept, and while walking back to his
previous routine and life, he allowed himself to be lost in thought. Somewhere
in the back of his head lingered the reaction Simon would have once he woke up.
Another thought scratched at his head that the man still had his number, his
phone suddenly feeling heavy in his pocket. He knew this already, even
contemplated whether to deleted it off Simon's phone- going so far as to
destroy it if he couldn't figure out the password. But he didn't. He knew the
reason behind his stupid heart taking over at that moment, and he let it pass.
It was already hard enough to leave without saying a word. Without a touch or a
kiss. Only allowing himself a quick final look before abandoning the poor
teacher. It was for his own good, as Hoseok constantly reminded himself. The
people he worked for were unforgiving and ruthless, not caring much about
humanity, as long as no one messed with their business. Personal relationships
were sacred, only reserved for those of higher status, and where Hoseok
resided, under the shoe of the gang's boss, he was nothing more than property. 
The city moved in slow motion as his mental state broke to nothing, his old
self creeping under his skin not too long after he arrived at the nightclub,
checking in as a means of routine he followed under the command of their boss.
He was never there in the mornings, only ever coming when there was business to
attend to before the birds chirped. Hoseok moved about the club, eyeing the few
that were there, mainly the cleaning crew and other gang members who were
already drinking, raising their cups in his direction. He gave a weak nod as
acknowledgement before moving to the back, opening his locker. In the years of
his destructive life, attempting one secret job after another, he kept a hidden
notebook of addresses and mailing information. He knew he needed to give back
the money he did not deserve, so he memorized the company's mailing
information, emptying out his locker except for the apron. He headed out of the
club as soon as he stole a large empty envelope from a random desk, hiding it
in his duffle bag and moving quick to the nearest bench on the other side of
the street. He wrote the information sloppily, but it was readable, quickly
shoving the money in and rushing to the street mailbox rarely anyone used
anymore, sliding the envelope in and disappearing. 
No.. he wasn't thinking up a plan. No, he didn't do everything on his agenda to
delete all traces of himself. He definitely was not cowering away through the
streets, paranoia of the gang already watching him weighing on his back. He
wasn't about to go risk his life by tiptoeing around the city, heading towards
the devil's nest to beg him for forgiveness and freedom. It was possibly the
craziest idea he would ever come up with, but it was the only thing that he
could do. He was so ready to let go, until he left the sleeping man. He
couldn't do this anymore, and even if Simon wouldn't take him back, he would
find a way to survive honestly without the weight of the gang on his chest,
pushing him down to an endless abyss. He needed to do this.
Chapter End Notes
     I hope this makes you guys emotional and ready for the next
     chapter... <3
***** Broken *****
Chapter Notes
     Fair warning: This chapter is incredibly emotional and it took a long
     time for me to be able to reread it enough to edit, because of the
     emotion that stirred while writing it. The content is very explicit
     and covers topics that are not exactly comforting... I can't say much
     more than that to not ruin the experience for those who do want to
     read it, but I just wanted to warn you guys anyway.
The sleep that carried Simon through the night was peaceful and quiet, deep and
relaxing. The sleep he had not felt since college years, when he had given up
hopes of finding a true lover and stumbled into one instead. The man had been
gorgeous, a fellow string player, and the one that Simon had given the most of
himself to. They had given everything of themselves to one another. It was
complete and an encompassing feeling, one that had only been surpassed by the
male tangled together with him now.
The memories that filled and wove into dreams were replaced almost immediately,
his former lover being taken over by Hoseok's visage, putting him in the places
and times where Simon himself was most happy, most comforted by being around
another person. Hoseok was now that comfort to him, and it made his heart hurt,
even in his restful sleep, causing him to pull back and nestle into the male
with a renewed force. The last thing he wanted was to have him pull away. He
was already beginning to imagine their life as it could be together, something
that seemed entirely possible in his dreams.
It came with great sorrow, then, that he was left cold, pulling the blankets
tighter around his body to keep warm, missing the other by his side, but not
enough to wake up. Perhaps he was subconsciously saving himself from waking up
and seeing the one he had grown attached to leaving him, as it always seemed
they did in the end. He made sure to stay asleep through the sounds that were
made, the shuffling that permeated his dreams. They became white noise, dulled
beneath the sheer want of keeping him here that Simon clung to so desperately
that he could not be roused.
When he did wake, however, it was with a start. Hoseok was gone. He couldn't
believe himself, for thinking that somewhere in him, the younger would find
reason to stay. It was a longshot, but somewhere, deep down, Simon hoped that
he would have given in, given to Simon and something it seemed like he would
have wanted but… Fuck everything. Rolling over into the side of the bed the
other had slept on, Simon gripped the pillows and sheets, wondering why this
all hurt so bad. Was the younger that good of an actor? Had this all been
nothing? He had even shown so much more of himself than Simon imagined the
night before, the way he cried so openly, the way he clung to him through the
night… Breathe. Simon had to remind himself to even take a breath, although
that just magnified the burning sensation building in his chest. His throat was
tight, and there was nothing that he could do about it.
Giving himself over, Simon let the tears roll down his cheeks, unable to help
the pain that seared through his chest, his cheeks, his nose, his eyes… His
heart. It was a fault, to feel so much and ache so deeply. Why he had let
himself expose that side to Hoseok, given him the opportunity to hurt him so
much, he didn’t know. The cameras didn’t even phase him right now, they were
the last thought on his mind as he sobbed against the bedsheets, the pain very
real as it poured from his body.
Letting the tears go until he could cry no more, Simon still sobbed, the pain
helping his aching heart for some sick and twisted reason. He just wanted to
hurt right now but knew that it was not something that he could wallow in
forever. It was late afternoon before he could find the strength to get out of
bed. He went to the bathroom, catching himself looking at the towel they had
used the night before and almost broke down again. This was too much. After a
shower, he needed to leave, get out. Maybe go back home for a short time,
anywhere but here was his only goal. The shower lasted quite some time, but it
was mostly just Simon standing under the spray until it grew cold, sighing and
trying to wash the stench of tears into oblivion.
There was nothing left for him, and he had to leave. Going home was the only
option now. Going back to his students. His music. Anywhere but here.
Dressing, Simon left the apartment given by the production company, and got his
car out of the parking lot, going home. The only place he could think to find
solace. Give himself over to his music. Something, anything to distract from
the pain. He knew that he had promised to find Hoseok, but right now... He
could not even understand why he left. Simon needed to figure that out and plan
before he could fulfil his words to the younger. Never in his life had he been
so happy to see the place that gave him peace and solace, since he would need
it now to get back the younger.
--
It was a while before he could open his eyes. His body had numbed itself,
giving in to the overwhelming pain and stilling as he lay, limbs sprawled in
different directions, bleeding into the carpeted floor. He couldn't recall much
after the first blow to the head. All Hoseok could really remember was the
furious face the devil graced him with when he was finished speaking. Told him
he wanted to leave, to be away from this life and that he wanted to live in
peace. Away from all his past. The man was not impressed to say the least,
swinging the beer bottle in his hand to connect with the side of the younger's
head.
Things were hazy then, he tried to keep himself up but the way he felt his
brain crash to the other side of his head, and the shards that entered his left
eye made it hard, kept him incapable of anything, so he fell to his knees. His
entire body sinking as a wretched scream ripped at his throat. His hand
instinctively reached for the pain radiating from the side of his head, the
large pieces that sunk through the skin at his temple cut his palm. Dark lines
disrupted his vision as he glared up at the devil incarnate, his breath
quickening, attempting to hear out the barely audible words the other spoke
against the ringing and pounding in his ears. He could only pick up a few
words, something about leaving, something about paying the price. Something
about death. He was a coward. Hoseok was a fucking coward and upon hearing the
words, his body stilled, allowing the older man to kick and hurt him. He
allowed the blood to spill and that was all he could take before his
consciousness slipped into an endless black. Before he could give up, give in
to the possible death that tugged at him, Simon's silhouette passed his vision
for a moment.
So here he was, bleeding, and the pain was slowly coming back to haunt him, his
body shaking uncontrollably. What he didn't expect was the disappearance of his
boss, instead being replaced by a few men in dark blue uniform. At first, he
bit his lips, cursing his damned life for being so ridiculously unlucky,
thinking it was the police, but the men spoke medical terms, and probed at his
aching body with careful, experienced hands. He sighed out the breath he was
holding for so long, his chest untwisting from the pleasure of another breath
taken in. "What's your name? Can you hear me?" it was a small voice, but he
knew it was his body still waking from it's drowning pain.
He tried to speak, answer him but the only sounds that came through were moans
until he was placed on the stretcher. The man leaned closer, thinking maybe the
moans were words, and he was right to do so. Simon's name lay softly on his
tongue, barely audible even to himself, and the poor paramedic thought it was
his own name. It didn't matter- hearing Simon's name over and over as they
prepped him, and took him to the hospital, telling him to hold on, it kept a
smile on his bruised lips as he gave in to the unconscious once more.
Somewhere in the deepest black, he recalled what the devil was spouting as he
slowly went about murdering him. The voice played in his head, and he knew the
meaning of the strange mixture of sounds and words. He knew he succeeded, and
that the devil was less worthy of his name than he thought. He had it easy, his
request something that was beyond anyone in their business and situation.
Hoseok knew. He'd seen it in action. He hoped the man's fondness would allow
him to come out still alive, and for the first time in his life, luck had taken
his side, because holy shit he was still breathing. After the recollection of
memories, and noticing the smile that stretched his lips, Hoseok allowed the
world to come to view, somehow everything was different in the few hours of his
sleep- his hands automatically touching the bandages wrapped around half of his
face, covering his eye and ear. He was grateful nonetheless. Not only was he
alive and free, a man's form stood inches away, tall, thin, wrapped in dark
clothing. He recognized the dark glasses and the beautiful eyes behind them. He
had studied those lips and jawline so many times already. His fingers had
touched the blond hair and ran about that amazingly sculpted body. But he
couldn't be real. He couldn't be. This wasn't Simon.
--
It was far from the usual for his phone to ring at this hour, but Simon could
not ignore it. It wasn't as though he was sleeping, but, he was trying at
least.
The rest of the evening after he had retrieved his things and gone back home to
his dogs and his haven had gone by as though the other things that he had known
were no more than a dream. A dream and a nightmare. But hey, he could deal with
that. He had started by playing with Rocky and Hana, his Chowchows, then by
taking another shower, the sort that would not strike pain into his heart.
After that, the mundane act of cooking dinner and eating - though everything
tasted bland - completed his night. It was deathly boring and so normal that he
almost fooled himself. He was getting quite good at that... If only he could
fool himself about Hoseok.
Then that damn call. It wasn't as though he was sleeping, of course, but still.
The blaring of his ringtone in the dark of the night was not the first thing he
expected. For a fleeting second, he hoped it was Hoseok - he couldn't be so
lucky though. The number was unrecognizable, but he had never answered
something so quickly. At this time, he could only imagine what it might have
been, but he doubted it was good. "Good evening, Sir, this is the county
hospital, we are looking for a Simon? We have a patient in house that was
brought in and we searched his belongings for an ID. He keeps calling out for a
Simon and we found the name in his phone, so we thought you might be the next
of kin."
His heart had never dropped so quickly.
Simon didn't know how he made it out of bed nor got dressed, but within
minutes, he was in the car and on his way to the hospital. As soon as he heard
the name, though the surname was less than familiar, when he heard "Hoseok",
all bets were off. The younger needed him and had been calling to him, he would
be there. Upon making it to the hospital, Simon checked in to the emergency
room, where they cruelly made him sit, wait, and ponder everything that had
happened. Hours later, when Hoseok was out of his minor surgery, Simon was
finally allowed entry into the sterile and thankfully private room that they
had given him.
Nothing in the world could have prepared him for the sight that met his eyes.
The blood. The bandages. The horrific bruising so unlike anything he had seen
the night before. It made Simon lose his breath, in such a way that he did not
know if he might choke, or vomit. It was not the thing he was expecting, Hoseok
looking as though he had been through a horrific car accident or building
explosion. The simple explanation given of "Someone called to report a badly
beaten man in the streets" was not good enough without someone to blame,
someone to go hurt for hurting this man as much as they had. It killed Simon to
be the helpless one in this situation, the one feeling guilty for not being
there. Not stopping him, nor calling him, nor trying sooner to find him. Giving
him a day to find himself was a wonderful plan, he thought to himself, as he
surveyed the damage a little closer.
It was only when he dared to step within three feet of the bed at all that he
noticed Hoseok was awake. Awake and seemingly looking at him with the one eye
he had to use. It was quite glazed, through pain medication, no doubt, but
Simon felt it: Hoseok knew he was there.
"Hoseok," Simon gave a grim half smile, tugging at his already open collar
before stepping closer, trying to find the words to say. To tell the other,
reassuring and strong for him, but nothing came. The sound of his name, then
moments of silence as the blonde leaned over the side of the bed to touch him,
biting his lip to feel how cold Hoseok's skin was to his warmed fingertips.
What could he do, what could he say? The lines and bandages entangling the
beaten form told him a story he was not prepared for, and he felt that, if he
had only not been so selfish as to think he could fix everything - if he had
been more passionate, maybe, and gone right after him, searching the streets -
that none of this might have happened.
"Hoseok, how... Well, that's a stupid question, I'm sure, but how are you
feeling? Can you speak? Do you need anything?" He asked, his words coming out
in a rush as they seemed to when he got flustered, holding the hand that seemed
less bruised of the two, and also being the hand connected to the arm with his
IV lines in it. Simon was surreptitious about how he touched, held, or grabbed
him in any way at this point, trying to be comforting, without being an
additional source of discomfort.
"What happened to you, can you tell me? I... I know we were supposed to meet
again, but not like this..." Simon continued to talk, thinking that it may be
only for himself, so he did not worry about his voice cracking, nor how he
cleared his throat every other word, it seemed. God, he would give anything to
know who, why, where any of this happened. Why Hoseok was so battered again. If
there was some way he could have stopped any of this from happening in any
way...
--
His name was called out before silence consumed the other. Hoseok stilled, his
eyes never leaving the older man that had spoken, confirming his existence and
it was terrifying. He didn't know how long he was there, nor how much the
hospital told him. He didn't know how they knew so much as to call him in the
first place. His thoughts went straight to his phone which had Simon's number
in it and he searched the room quickly to find his duffel bag in the corner,
completely untouched. A sigh of relief slipped, because that was everything
Hoseok owned. He stifled the relieved chuckle as Simon was now leaning against
the bed, touching him, and speaking. He allowed him to spill out the million
words that were thrown at him at once. The man was shocked, and Hoseok couldn't
blame him. Who wouldn't be, being called out at who knows what hour- the
curtains covered the window- and told that a man they knew was at the hospital.
He probably looked like shit too.
The younger frowned, looking away, thinking of something to say. What would he
tell him? He clearly couldn't tell him the truth, fearing he may run away at
the knowledge of his terrible past. He had already come here, and Hoseok wanted
to keep him as long as he could. So he lied. Again. "Uh- you know how the
streets get at night, and I'm not really that strong, so a group of people
kinda ganged up on me. Too bad for them I didn't have any money to offer them"
he laughed painfully, coughing a second later at the pressure on his chest. His
voice was hoarse, probably from being knocked out by drugs, and his body ached.
The medications seemed to be slowly wearing off as pain crawled its way back,
and he wanted to die thinking about the hospital bill. The only truth in his
words was that he didn't have anything. The front payment he received was given
back to the production company, and last month's pay was nothing but a 10
dollar bill now. He was screwed, and he was a coward. He still couldn't look
up, to meet Simon's eyes, instead he focused on the hand that gripped his own,
playing with his fingers.
--
Slowly toying with the fingers that weakly pawned at his own, Simon bit his
lips together, taking in the words. They weren't true. They couldn't be. How
could they be? When Hoseok left, it was early morning, what had he done, where
had he gone? And even more, why was it that now, twice out of two times, Hoseok
had left his sight, gone into the city and come back battered, this time to the
point of hospitalization? Something wasn't adding up properly. Mulling over the
hoarse lies, it took the blond a moment, but he pulled back, placing both of
his hands on the bedside railing and leaving the cool one that he wanted to
touch so badly.
"Don't lie to me." His words were curt, cold, and short as he tried to process
this. They had shared something, and it was something special to him; he
doubted Hoseok was that good of an actor which meant he must have felt the same
way. If he did, then why lie, Simon asked himself, hands tightening to the
point of being white knuckled on the rail. The idea of being lied to grated his
already frayed nerves into oblivion. Simon could feel his jaw setting, teeth
almost grinding as he shook his head, eyes staying fixed on the cold white
tile.
"Don't you dare lie to me again, Hoseok. If you care about me, or any of this
at all, if you want me to be here and help care for you..." His voice was
growing weaker, thick with emotions, and it killed him a little inside, the way
he was always so goddamned transparent. Simon wished that Hoseok would take a
page from his book and try it right now, because if he didn't get the truth...
Well, he didn't rightfully know what he would do. "If I mean anything to you at
all, and you don't want to watch me walk out that door, and break my promise to
come find you again... Then tell me the truth. Everything. I need you to tell
me - trust me!"
For the first time since he'd started speaking, the bespectacled teacher lifted
his head, eyes wet again with tears he did not think it was possible to have.
He hurt so much, through guilt and sympathy for the other, that he had no other
option. He couldn't lash out, he couldn't force it from the younger, but he
still needed the sign of good faith from Hoseok that his pain was not
unfounded. That there was still a glimmer of hope to be had. Because no matter
what, as long as he was honest, Simon would fulfil every promise he had made,
and do whatever it took to get Hoseok back on his feet.
--
He could see the other knew he was lying, it was too obvious to miss and Hoseok
didn't have enough time to come up with anything better. It ripped at his heart
when the other finally came to the realization and released his hand from his
own. There it was. He knew he was in trouble now. Simon's anger was plain on
his face, and he could almost feel the heat radiating off him and punching
Hoseok in the face, his words scraping at his chest. He didn't know when Simon
had made the said promise, and it hurt him to think that he did, regardless of
the bit of happiness that desperately tugged at his lips to release the frown.
It wouldn't work however, the pain was too great. Hoseok didn't like how the
other threatened to leave either, his pride almost taking over, but he already
fucked up enough, and it was time to make things right. He wanted to ease the
pain off SImon. Even if a little.
"Trust..." the word slipped out without him realizing, and finally their eyes
met, the other's filled with tears that threatened to spill and Hoseok felt his
heart sink. Fuck... How could he make Simon cry? He should go to hell for this.
"It's not that I don't trust you..." his fear came back to him, knowing that
once the other knew of the dreaded mess that was his life, he would be out the
door regardless of his previous threats. He owed him this much however, it was
unfair to keep the truth to himself anymore after all they had shared. He
couldn't hurt this man anymore, and if telling the truth led to his departure,
then Hoseok would deal with the pain alone, without giving the older anymore to
push him down further. The younger reached up, wiping away the tears that
slipped and winced at his aching back. "If I'm going to tell you anything... I
need you to be quiet until I'm finished. Can you promise me that? Can you hear
me out to the very end?"
--
Simon was holding back so much, he felt, even though he had said his peace. He
wanted to hurt someone; He wanted revenge for what had happened to Hoseok; He
wanted to leave right now and be done with this whole mess; He wanted so much,
but knew that his wants were not paramount at this time. It hurt him deeply to
feel those cold hands come up and wipe his face, a touch of frost against his
otherwise warm body, though rather than making him shiver, he leaned into it.
God, how he had missed that touch, and to have it in this environment... Well
the man knew that he did not want to see this scene repeated ever again. "Fine,
fine... I'll sit down and shut up - but only if you swear to tell me
everything, Hoseok. I can't take another lie, or half truth..."
Simon's words were softer now, less rushed, but still just as pained and
needful as it had been. If this was his only chance, he wanted to take it, and
this was a want that he could indulge himself in. Letting go of the bed's rail,
Simon leaned back for a second before looking around the room and grabbing what
he needed: A chair. He tugged it over to the side of the bed he had been
standing on, and sat down heavily. Now, he felt quite the sense of
anticipation, and anxiety. He was nervous as hell to hear what Hoseok would
have to say, but he knew that - for both of them - it needed to come out.
Taking a deep breath, Simon reached out once more, taking up the younger's cool
hand once more in both of his own larger, warm ones. He hoped this was a good
enough sign that he was ready to listen, and see Hoseok for all that he was.
--
Strength had somehow been injected into him at the other's warm touch and
words. He watched the teacher's expressions, his own dark, frightened almost as
his past played in his head and he knew he couldn't run away anymore. He
honestly didn't know where to start. "Don’t be too shocked... this may be a lot
to take in..." he trailed off, warning him, watching Simon for anything that
even remotely resembled disgust for his future words. "I used to work for a
gang up until a few hours ago" he laughed awkwardly, gesturing to his injuries
"this is the aftermath..." his eyes dropped for a moment wondering how else he
could continue without pushing him away but every direction was just as
terrible as the next and the recollection of memories brought tears to the
corners of his eyes. He would never allow them to slip. Not when Simon was
probably suffering more because of him.
"You're probably wondering how this all started huh?" He looked at him again,
blinking away the threatening tears. He wasn't really hoping for an answer so
he continued. "When I was 16 my parents caught me kissing a boy from my class"
He chuckled lightly, his hold tightening on Simon's hands. Fuck, his chest felt
like it was being ripped apart. "I guess having a gay son was not in their
agenda, so they kicked me out, no money, nothing" He tilted his head, a smile
still playing on his face regardless of the incredible pull on his heart. It
may have been a way for him to cope. Maybe it was just him trying to act strong
for Simon's sake. "I made it to Seoul somehow..." His eyes flickered to
everything but Simon's face. Not wanting to see him anymore because he was
scared. His body began shivering, his lips still stretched stubbornly, but a
small pull was forming into a frown as he continued, the tears a word away from
spilling. Damn it why was he so weak...
"I was homeless for a long time, almost died on the street until a man came by
one day-" He gulped, clearing his throat. Looking down. Ashamed of his pitiful
life. "I did a few jobs at first, all of them included some form of sexual
service at the end. It was terrifying at first but eventually I got used to it"
He spat out, disgusted with himself. "I just turned 17 when-" Hoseok's eyes met
Simon's again for a quick moment, not enough to read his expressions, but just
an automatic response at his next words. He was so fucking scared. His voice
lowered to a barely audio whisper. "I was walking home, got mugged and beaten
of course, what a great way to celebrate a birthday. I was really weak back
then, a punch took me down easily" He tried to control his shaking but it was
beyond his control now, his voice mimicking his body. The tears finally
slipped, making their way across his cheeks and down, dripping to the blanket
and he didn't realize how hard he was holding onto Simon's hands until he
noticed his knuckles turning white. "I was... I don't know who he was, but
after the gang fled, he came. He came over and I thought he was going to help"
Hoseok looked into Simon's eyes, searching for comfort, sobbing now. His lower
lip shivering, his teeth chattering. "He just... I didn’t know what to do. How
to stop him and he just kept going. He was strong and pushed me down so easily
I... fuck... " he wiped violently at his tears and snot, his vision going hazy
now. He didn’t know how he would react to this, never speaking about it to
anyone before Simon and it hurt so much more than he thought. He was becoming
barely coherent as he tried to continue because he promised to tell the other
everything and he didn’t know if he could ever talk about it again. So he
wanted to get it over with. He wanted to share his pain, his pathetic self. The
pain in his chest kept ripping him apart, his sobbing becoming uncontrollable,
hyperventilating like a child. "I just let him take me..." he took a shaky
breath in, his lungs tightening, "he just kept going" he repeated. "He took out
a knife at one point. I didn’t know if I was going to live to see what he was
planning to do with it. I didn’t expect him to cut at my back and arms with it-
" he disconnected the touch that kept him sane, letting go of Simon's hands and
cupping his face. Hiding as he always did. "I don't know how it happened."
"I woke up on the ground and the knife was in my hand" he pulled up his legs,
wrapping his arms around his knees and placing his head between them,
attempting to control his breathing. "I killed him Simon."
He didn't know how much he could say before breaking down again, his violent
self taking over. He knew if that were to reoccur, if he were to hurt Simon
again without realizing because of his selfish way of escape, he would never
forgive himself. He tried to continue but it was becoming harder to breath and
nothing was making it better.
***** Peace of Mind *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Simon sat, stock still and stone faced as the words poured from the other,
wondering what more could come from him to change their relationship any more.
Just hearing he worked for a gang brought up a wealth of questions, wondering
how he worked for them, in what capacity, but... None of that really mattered.
It was not his job to think or ponder about Hoseok's past, he just had to
listen and try not to let this change his opinion of the younger. He had to be
strong, if nothing else, for Hoseok's sake. 
The rest of the speech was... shocking to say the least. But the teacher
maintained his strong, cold face, not letting anything peek through his facade.
Nothing. He had to keep it in, though he was silently freaking the fuck out. He
had fallen in love with not only a prostitute, but also a murderer, and was now
sitting here at his bedside, trying to comfort him as he confessed to his sins
like this was his last night on the planet. For all the things he could have
imagined coming from his mouth tonight, none of this was it. 
Leaning back once his hands were released, Simon brought them to his face,
tenting them over his lips to obscure his face at least a little and not have
to maintain so much restraint. He needed to think, to process, to figure out a
way to rectify the situation -- But it wasn't coming. Breathing in and out was
about as much as he could manage right now, taking the majority of his efforts
to do regularly. Hoseok needed him, but everything in his body was telling him
to pull away, since everything he knew about the other was- Well, as he thought
on it, it wasn't a lie, but the things that he had been told now were very
large omissions from the other's history, and things that might have made him
take a second look at Hoseok before running away if he had known them
initially. 
What he had to try and figure out now, that the other had given him all the
information he had asked for and was being so vulnerable in front of him, was
how to take it. Did any of this change the Hoseok he knew? Not really. Did it
explain quite a bit about his personality? Definitely. But it also changed the
way Simon looked at him, now he could understand why Hoseok was tattooed in
such a manner, even though the dark, intricate designs belied most of his
personality, they covered the scars that he must be so ashamed of. Fuck. How
had he not thought of that before? 
Nodding after quite some time of sitting in silence, Simon pulled his body
upright and leaned forward, his back aching slightly from the lazy, slumped
position he had been in. He needed to touch the other, let him know he was
there and reassure Hoseok that nothing would change. Not right this second
anyways. "Hoseok, I can't say that I know how you feel, nor what you're going
through, but... I haven't left yet, okay? I'll stay here until you kick my ass
or kick me out, alright?" His words were given with a small laugh, trying to be
reassuring and show how he cared all at once, but it was also a laugh of
nervousness, wholly believing that Hoseok might have the capacity to hurt him
if he touched him at this moment.
--
He wasn't shocked at the shaky breaths. He didn't even flinch when the other
spoke, his voice so small, his laugh fabricated, contrived. The younger knew
this would happen- no... He hoped for it. Hoseok hoped, in the deepest part of
his mind that the older, seemingly sheltered male, would fear him, walk away in
disgust, no matter how much his heart ran in the opposite direction. He hoped
that he would stay away because Hoseok had nothing to offer him. He was a mess-
a being that was kicked and used to every degree and he knew not how to fix it.
So why would someone as educated and sophisticated as Simon ever come near him,
or even want to stay after hearing the truth? It was inevitable, and foolish to
think otherwise. To think that someone would ever love a man like him.
It calmed him. The other's silent actions and further, the uncertain, shaky
words managed to bring his destructive self to a milder point. He was finally
back to his lethargic, detached self that he would always search for when
catastrophic thoughts hit- when he couldn't deal properly with his situation.
He wouldn't look at him, not anymore, knowing exactly where it would lead, and
he wasn't about to go there. "Liar." the word spilled out like acid and ice,
emotionless and too harsh to really be the same man he was the night before
when they were together. He shook his head, his inner gravity pushing him away
from the other with an inexplicable force. "You don't have to pretend. Don't
say things to make me feel better, because I don't want your pity, I never
fucking did" the younger wiped at his tears aggressively. 
"If you want to leave-" 
Why couldn't he continue? Why couldn't he say it. His breath hitched when the
words were about to slip, his body automatically backing off the most sensitive
topic that crushed him whenever he would merely think of it. Simon was the only
human being to this point that had wanted him, even for a moment, for who he
was. He was the only person who was there for him, helped him, cried with him.
He was the only person that cared enough to breath his name, and Hoseok didn't
know how to leave him. The boy shook his head again, pushing back the tears
that dared to threaten at the corners of his eyes and scowled instead. He
needed to pull himself together. To push through this until he knew Simon was
far and safe, then- Hoseok would figure something out. He would find a way. He
always did. 
"There's more to this than I could voice" his tone taking on some emotion now,
softer, smaller. He was lost. "I just-" he gulped, finding every bit of
strength left in his lifeless, destroyed body to allow him to continue. To end
this. "I want you to be safe. I want you to be happy, and I don't think you're
in the right place" finally their eyes met, Hoseok's stuck and unable to move
away from the powerful force that cornered him, pulled him in even deeper each
time he would think of looking away. He wanted to reach out, but he wouldn't
dare. He wanted to cry, cling to the other, but he couldn't. What the hell was
it that Hoseok was so addicted to with the other? How could he be so weak and
vulnerable whenever he was around Simon?
"You should go."
--
The word hit Simon like a ton of bricks, smashing what little self-confidence
he had in his words and making him close his eyes in pain. Hoseok knew just how
to strike him where it hurt - But the question of whether he was doing it out
of preservation for himself or actual hate clung close to the word that rang
out over and over again to the teacher. He wanted to remind the other that he
didn't mean it, that he was just dissociating himself from the situation, that
he was pushing Simon away... But it seemed like Hoseok was not ready to hear
it. Not quite yet. 
"You know you don't mean it." He said, shaking his head softly, "And this isn't
about pity..." Simon reiterated, continuing the slow side to side action of his
head in denial. He couldn't bare to have the pain and scrutiny of Hoseok
thinking that he only cared for him for the night, or for as long as they were
together. He also didn't know how to tell him that he cared for more than that
either. No matter what words he needed to get out, they weren't coming to him.
How? How could he make Hoseok believe that this wasn't just a one off, just a
thing - That he did not love, get close, keep consorts, make friends, nothing
of the sort - easily at all? And yet somewhere, beneath the boiling anger that
it posed as, the disgust and disdain... He and Hoseok had called to one
another, filling voids they didn't even know each other had. 
Simon wondered why Hoseok chose now to be so... Frustrating. To push back when
he just wanted to be close, after he came all the way here, proving what he
felt, the extent of what could become devotion if Hoseok would just let him.
Grabbing his hands, Simon did not allow him the escape. No matter what words
were spoken, no matter how hard he pushed, he'd stick to what he said, Hoseok
would have to kick his ass if he wanted him out of this room. 
"You don't just get to tell me that. You don't get to keep pushing without me
pushing back, Hoseok. What, did you think- I was going to go silently, after
this? I let you go once, I was foolish enough to let you slip away from me in
the night, thinking that maybe - If I showed you some affection and
understanding that you would stick around, forget how cruel you were for a
second - but somehow, you still... You still managed to leave." What started
out as a calm and logical argument for the teacher soon grew impassioned, his
words starting out quiet and mild as he ever was before lifting into something
he almost could not contain, save for the stark white that surrounded him,
reminding him that after a certain point, he would be asked to leave the room
by someone with more authority than the man laying in the bed before him. 
"You left me once, and I told you I would follow you, come find you... It took
a shitty phone call at 4am, but I'm here. Do you think I'm going to just walk
away because you said so now?" Simon's voice was sticking in his throat as he
tried to say any more, his strong hands threatening to crush Hoseok's smaller
ones if he forgot himself for even a second or grew anymore impassioned, having
no other outlet for how strongly he felt at this very moment. He was getting
used to the sensation of wanting to cry, the burning that seized his lungs,
eyes and throat, making his adam's apple bob uncontrollably, his limbs shaking
gently with everything that he was holding back. Simon lifted his body up from
the chair, letting go of the hands he wanted to hold onto for so much longer,
to bring Hoseok into his arms - All of him. He held onto him tightly, trying to
figure out what to say that could change anything about how the younger felt.
"If you can tell me, in all honesty, that you don't need me in some way... Then
I'll leave. But until then..." He sighed, holding back on so much. 
"I am not going anywhere."
--
There were no words, no further actions that could possibly explain the depth
of Hoseok's scars. There was nothing more the boy could do to overcome his past
and present, and with everything- He just wanted things to end. Everything to
disappear. The heart that clung to the abyss it was thrown in for so many years
finally crawled it's way out at the voice and body that clung to him, giving
everything it could to this one being, and contradicting his mind's defense
mechanism in the form of constantly pushing Hoseok to run. Run from everything
and everyone at the first sign of conflict or even remote intimacy. He was
quiet for a long time. He wanted to confirm the other's words, crying out and
telling him that of course he didn't fucking mean it. Of course he wanted him
here, always. He wanted to tell Simon that he was so thankful and undeserving.
That he wanted him to stay with him and apologize for ever hurting him. His
thoughts could not come through however. 
"Who am I to you?" the sound came in a whisper, following the other's words
that continued to mess him up. Hoseok gave up control, melting in the other's
touch, taking in his scent, his harsh chest, shoulders, and arms that gripped
him so tightly. He didn't know how to return such affection, forgetting and
could only close his eyes, enjoying the moment for the time it could last. "Who
am I that you're willing to ignore everything I said and-" He couldn't
recognize his own voice, and truly hoped he wasn't crying again. He was too
numb to tell. He wasn't Hoseok anymore. "Who am I to you Simon?"
There was a long moment of silence, and he relished in it. His mind blank, his
heart boiling in his chest, beating so hard and pulling him down and he feared
that the other could feel his heartbeat against their connected chests. Maybe
he was exaggerating, maybe this wasn't really the way he put it. Maybe he was
dead or sleeping, and this moment was a terribly beautiful dream and Simon was
enjoying his life, far away from him. Maybe Hoseok wasn't even at this hospital
and the leader actually killed him. Why was this so hard? Why was the idea of
allowing someone he loved to come closer so frightening? 
He loved him?
Hoseok loved him. 
Simon was everything and in the midst of chaos, he could only think of Simon.
In all this cruelty and his own destruction, he could only see Simon and the
urge to speak out was too strong and before even waiting for an answer, before
he could use his brain far enough to think of whether the other possibly shared
his affection or not, Hoseok opened his stupid mouth. The words clear on his
tongue, louder than his previous questions, somehow his body wanting the world
to hear his confession as he spoke in the man's ear, "I love you."
--
Simon felt when Hoseok gave up, and actually stopped trying to runaway from
him, something that he never thought he would actually get to be present for.
But the silent solace that Hoseok seemed to find was what Simon had hoped for.
He wanted the other to feel safe in his embrace, to feel the unconditional
affection that he had to offer. The love that he had for Hoseok that promised
to fix things from here on out. That was something Simon was not afraid of, and
he wanted to see Hoseok share the same acceptance. 
It was with such a heavy heart that he took in the last words that threatened
this feeling -- The words that showed the last of Hoseok's protest, his fear,
his dissociation from everything -- and Simon pulled back slightly, wanting to
look at him, needing Hoseok to see the honesty in his eyes. The honesty he had
never once held back, but now found his own fear in. That glimpse was enough
for Simon to realize everything he needed to know had been there all along, any
time he looked at Hoseok, pulling him closer once again. 
What was he? How did Simon explain it? How did he explain that somehow, against
all odds, he had found favor in the other; That Hoseok had become something, in
just a few short days, that he could not see himself without. He was drawn in
with every beat of his heart, every gradually softening reaction, to see that
the broken male needed something that he could give. He had become encompassed
by the sweet nature that showed through in fleeting glimpses, the childish
antics that were only shown to him in the depth of night. Hoseok had become
everything that he could want or see, everything he needed to feel whole. He
was just that - And it took him asking for Simon to even realize it. 
It took everything in him to force the words out, but he could not get them out
fast enough for Hoseok, who, in true form, could do nothing better than beat
him to the punch. It left Simon in a daze, the stunned silence bleeding through
the room before he could stop it. He sat stark upright, his eyes wide behind
his glasses, not knowing how to respond initially, everything he had come to
the conclusion of falling right out of his head, aside from those few words
that he could cling to right now. Love. He hadn't hoped in vain. 
"You... Are everything to me. The man I love, unconditionally." 
It almost brought another round of tears to his eyes to look into Hoseok's deep
brown ones, to tell him this, and be so transparent to him. He wanted to give
him all of himself, everything that he could be and do and offer, to show
Hoseok how deeply he felt this. Why else? He would have never suffered through
everything that he had in the past week if he had not felt as deeply as he had.
If he had not fallen in love with Hoseok somewhere along the way. 
Sighing after laying his heavy heart out for the other to see, Simon fell back
against Hoseok, this time hugging him for himself, for his own selfish need to
feel that affection back in some small form from the inked male. They were in
love. Both of them. The realization of not being alone, not having been
unrequited, was an amazing one. As empty as he had felt when Hoseok left, that
was all reversed now... He was filled in a way that he had not known, even with
the thing he had called love before. This was truly all he needed. Hoseok, his
everything.
Chapter End Notes
     Holy- This is finally over and I can't believe it. This fic was so
     real to me and took so much out of me it's ridiculous.
     Thanks to everyone who took the time to read it. I love you all.
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