Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3372917.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager
  Character:
      Eren_Yeager, Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Erwin_Smith, Armin_Arlert
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Modern_Setting, Kidnapping, Underage_Sex, Rape,
      Yandere_Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Stockholm_Syndrome, Minor_Levi/Erwin
      Smith, Minor_Violence
  Series:
      Part 1 of Is_This_Really_Love?
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-02-16 Completed: 2015-06-16 Chapters: 17/17 Words: 48572
****** Is this really love? ******
by kbug546
Summary
     Eren gets kidnapped, by the obsessive yandere!levi. Being the hot
     tempered kid he is, it doesn't start out so great. But, as he is
     stuck there longer and longer, maybe Levi isn't so bad? Is he
     actually falling for this lunatic?
Notes
     This is my first multi-chapter fanfic I'm writing by myself :) I'm
     sorry if the start is kind of slow. I plan on updating this every
     Monday. So enjoy~
***** Prologue *****
“I can’t believe schools going to be starting back up so soon. It feels like
there wasn't even a summer!” I groaned as he flopped down on Armin's bed. It
was getting pretty late, it was already dark outside. So, I knew that I should
be leaving soon. Armin hated when I walked home at night, but I lived down the
street, what was the worst thing that could happen?
“Eren, we've had like two months of summer. Do you really need more?” Armin
smiled at me and tossed a pillow at my face. Normally I would've been able to
catch it, but my reflexes were off and it hit me dead on. Which got a laugh out
of Armin, so I couldn't be that angry with him. His laugh was cute and seeing
him like that was a lot better than seeing him cry.
Armin had done a lot of crying this summer. That stupid, damn, horse-face broke
my best friend's fragile heart. Yeah, Armin was the one to end it, but it was
Jean’s fault it happened. I guess Armin could tell I was getting ready to start
fuming because I was pulled back into reality when I saw him waving his hand in
front of my face. “Earth to Eren?”
“Oh! Yeah? What?” I smiled and tapped his hand away.
“Are you sure you can’t just spend another night? Or let me get my grandpa to
drive you home?” He was practically begging me. I would admit that it was
really hard to turn him down when he showed his big blue eyes and blinked a few
times with a pout on his lips. But, I managed, I just had to look the other
way.
“I’m positive! It’s too late for him to drive me and besides I live right down
the street.”
“If it’s too late for him to drive you then why can’t you just stay?”
“I promised my mom and dad that I’d be home tonight.” I told him and looked
back into his eyes to see he was still pouting. He was biting his lip and I
couldn't tell whether he was going to argue more or drop the topic. “You know
how they are. Mom misses me, shes hardly seen me all summer and dad still
wanted to do some father-son-bonding.” I added, if he was going to try to argue
then I wanted to have more leverage.
“....Why not just go home super early tomorrow?” Great….He was still going to
push for this. I stood up and stretched out before bending over and putting on
my shoes.
“Really, it’s not a big deal. I walk home from your house all the time.” I
insisted. I grabbed my jacket and slipped it on, it was the first of August, so
it was pretty chilly outside. It wasn't dying hot like in the summer to where
you wanted to drown yourself in ice. But, it wasn't freezing like the winter to
where you wanted to catch yourself on fire.
“And I don’t like it every time it happens.” Armin pointed out and stood up
with him. He nervously played with the tips of his hair, “Can you at least talk
to me on your phone while you walk home? So I know you make it back okay?”
I rolled my eyes slightly, I didn't mean to do it. It just sort of happened, I
knew he just cared and I shouldn't be acting like this. “Yeah yeah, sure.” I
told him and took my phone out of my pocket, I unlocked it and went to his
contact and showed him the screen quickly so he could see I would call him when
I left.
“Eren, I’m just worried about you and--”
“Yes, Armin I know.” I put my hand up to stop him from saying anymore, “You’re
my best friend and you care about me. I know you do.” I looked at him and
realized that maybe my tone wasn't the best, “Armin...I’ll be fine, what’s
going to make this night any different than the others?” I asked him and
brought him into a tight hug. My arms wrapped around his waist and he brought
his up to wrap around my neck.
“I don’t know…..” Armin said into my shoulder, his voice was muffled.
“I’ll be fine. No.” I let of him and we locked eyes, “I’ll be fantastic.” I
smiled, “Have a good night. I’ll probably be back in a few days. So, don’t miss
me too much.” I winked and left his room and quickly made my way out of his
house before he could follow me.
I called his phone before I even got off the porch and he picked up on the
first ring, “Were you just waiting by the phone?” I teased him, hopping down
the steps.
“Yeah…” And I could tell he was blushing a little.
“Armin--” I was interrupted by a beeping on my phone. I looked at the screen,
shit. “Hey, my phones gonna die soon….”
“Eren!”
“What? Sorry, I didn't notice….If it dies before I get home, I’ll plug it in
and text you when I get home.”
“....Fine….” Armin said, he obviously wasn't happy about that.
“Armin, with how you act I almost think you have a crush on me.” I smirked to
myself.
“I do not!”
“Suuure.”
“I don’t! You’re just my best friend!” He was arguing and sounding defensive. I
couldn't hold back my laughter, I knew I had embarrassed him.
“Armin….Oh god…” I couldn't stop laughing, “Armin? Armin….” I checked the
screen and yeah, my phone died. I rolled my eyes and stuck it into my pocket. I
looked back and saw I was only a few houses down, looks like I forgot to walk
while I was laughing.
“Eren!”
“What Armin?” I shouted back, turning around. It was a response I was used to
giving, but I knew that wasn't Armin's voice. It was too deep to be his. I took
a few steps backwards. The man walked towards me more, it was too dark to make
out who it was. It was probably just a friend pulling a stupid prank, right?
But, that flight or fight instinct kicked in and my body decided on running
away. But, instead of turning the fuck around to run better I decided to just
keep going backwards, like a part of me was scared to turn my back on the man.
I should’ve turned around though because my back hit something hard.
Did I hit a wall? No...I was on the damn sidewalk and I know I didn't hit a
house. My body was rigid and my heart was pounding. I tried to jump away, but
the wall grabbed my tightly. I started to kick my legs to the best of my
ability, which wasn't much. And I tried to hit him with my fists, but my arms
weren't moving. They were strapped down to my sides by his arms.
I felt a piece of cloth cover my nose and mouth. Yes, felt and not saw.
Somewhere in this mess I had closed my eyes. I wasn't even sure if I was
screaming for help or if I was silently taking it. I was trying to throw my
head in different directions to shake him off. I was trying to hold my breath
too, whatever they were putting on my mouth wasn't good. I felt like I was in
one of those stupid action movies. But, this wasn't a movie.
I could actually die, right here, right now. And that thought made my blood run
cold, it was almost enough to stop me from moving all together. I was still
kicking and trying to get my arms free. At least I thought I was, they were
starting to go numb. So, maybe I was just in this man’s arms like a rag doll.
I squeezed my eyes shut tighter, I didn't want to see what was going on. I
could hear some footsteps and I think that man called my name again, but I
wasn't sure. Everything was starting to go quiet.
I was going to wake up. This is a nightmare. I had to keep telling myself that.
But, that logical part of my brain was yelling at me, telling me I was being
stupid and that I knew exactly what was going on. This wasn't a nightmare, this
was real. I was being drugged and God knows what was going to happen to me.
I started to feel dizzy, was he turning me around? My head was heavy, I could
hardly hold it up, it felt like someone replaced my brain with lead. The last
thing I told myself, being falling completely unconscious, was that I was going
to be okay.
***** Day 1 *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm sorry this isn't much longer and that it's a small cliff hanger
     at the end ^^; I'll make sure the next one is longer :3
     Enjoy :3
Day 1
I opened my eyes slowly, where was I? I slowly rubbed at my eyes, my head was
pounding. My senses were slowly coming back to me, I heard a rattle of a chain
across the floor as I sat up. I was...I was on a mattress? I had a few blankets
on me and there was a pillow where my head was. I went to call out, but all
that came out of my mouth was a muffled noise. There was something in my
mouth...Like a gag or something. My eyes widened and that’s when the
realization of what happened last night hit.
I was kidnapped.
Someone took me and now I was chained up in a room. I couldn't yell for help
and I had no idea who it was. Were they going to rape me? Kill me? Or maybe
worse...I shook my head quickly with my eyes closed. I wasn't going to think
about what could be worse. I needed to keep a clear mind and figure out how to
get out of here. But, I swear to God, if I see the guy that did this, I was
going to hurt him without a second thought. My heart was racing and I started
to look around the room.
I was chained up to the wall, to my left there was a crank with a key hole
under it. Maybe that was to make the chain longer? With how long it was now I’d
be able to make it to the center of the room, but that was about it. The metal
around my wrists weren't tight, but they weren't loose enough to slip my hands
out of. On the right side of me there was a door a few inches away, I could go
in there if I wanted. Across from me there was another door, which I couldn't
reach. And on the wall to the left, just far enough down to where I couldn't
reach it there was yet another door.
Okay….So, lets see what’s going on. “Nnn…” I whimpered as another throb went
through my head. I slowly stood up and my legs were a bit wobbly, so….I was
chained up in a room, but the chains could get longer. I tried to turn the
crank, but it wouldn't budge. Scratch that...They can get longer, but you have
to have a key. I rolled my eyes, which earned me another throb. I reached my
hands up and around the back of my head. I wanted whatever the fuck it was out
of my mouth. There wasn't a tie though, I felt a little padlock on the leather.
Dammit.
Maybe I was too angry for this. Normally people would be crying and in shock.
But, I was fucking pissed. Maybe that was only because I was alone in this
room, no one else was in here with me. How would I react when I saw the guy
that did this to me? How many was there? Was it the guy that held me or the one
that called my name? How did they even know my name? I was scanning the walls
again, anything to tell me that this was a prank. I was doing my best to ignore
the pounding in my head, as I held one of the chains. Then I found it.
There was a camera up in the left corner of the room. It was positioned so all
of the tiny room was able to be seen. I flipped off the camera and hit my fist
against the wall that was behind me. This had to be a prank. Armin was being
extra cautious before I left, so….Maybe he was in on it too? He played the part
of the concerned friend? To make me more scared? No...He wouldn't...Maybe he
just knew it was going to happen and didn't want it to. Was it Jean? Was he the
one behind this? I wouldn't put it past him, but a prank like this….It seemed
like a little overboard even for him.
Fine, horse-face, I’ll play along. I guess the only thing really to do was to
check out the door I could reach. I prayed it was the door to get out of here.
I would open it and all my friends would be there to laugh as me. They’d all go
on about how scared I was when they took me and then I’ll go home. I put my
hand on the door knob, but stopped before opening it.
Wait...It couldn't have been Jean….The memories of….the night before….Was it
even the night before? What time was it? There were no windows in this room,
how long had it been? A few minutes? A few hours? Days maybe? My heart was
racing and I started to pull at the bottom of my shirt with my free hand. It
couldn't have been him because the guy that called my name...He was about the
same height as Armin….And the guy that held me….We didn't know anyone that big
or strong. Well, maybe Riener…. But that didn't matter because the guy that
called my name...We didn't have any friends that would've fit that description
because it wasn't Armin.
My breathing turned into hard labored breaths as my mouth grew dry. It was hard
to swallow with this damn thing in my mouth and my heart was hammering away in
my chest. If this really was the door to leave….And I wouldn't actually be able
to leave….Did I really want to open it? Did I want to see who took me? What if
no one was there? And they just put me in this room to keep me here by myself
until I died from starvation?
If that were the case why would they give me a mattress and stuff? Right,
because a bad guy can’t be fully bad. I rolled my eyes at my sarcastic thought,
it helped calm me down a little. Not enough to actually do anything, but just
enough for me to get the courage to see what was behind that door. I closed my
eyes as I flung it open and held my breath.
I let out my breath before I opened my eyes. In that moment I couldn't tell
whether I was filled with disappointment or relief. This door didn't lead to a
way out, not at all. It led to a small room with nothing but a sink and a
toilet. There was a mirror above the sink, but other than that there was
nothing in it. I flipped the light switch to turn on the little light in the
room. It was powerful enough to fill the whole room with light, though. I took
a step into the room and I was already at the center of it, yeah, it was that
small. I was able to reach everything in there.
So, the bad guy was going to let me use the restroom when needed. I was trying
to make myself be as sarcastic as I could. But, I realized it could be a lot
worse. I could be stuck in here with nothing, nothing but the cold floor. And
when I looked down I realized that the main room had carpet and this bathroom
had tiles. All my clothes were on, my long sleeved green top and my jeans. Even
my socks and shoes were still on my feet. Who kidnaps someone and treats them
so nicely? I would've clenched my teeth if it weren't for the gag.
It was like he was treating me like a guest, well, if your overlooked the
chains and gag. I couldn't let my mind wander too much, I had to keep myself
angry. If I let myself think I would so overrun by fear that I wouldn't know
what to do. I needed to be pissed at this mysterious man. Or maybe men….It
didn't matter. If I thought about my situation too deeply, I might freeze up. I
wouldn't freeze up completely though, that’s not the type of person I am. But,
it might be enough to cause me to hesitate, which would give them the upper
hand.
I had to come up with a plan.
I gripped the edge of the sink until my knuckles turned white. I couldn't let
myself go into denial about my situation, if I did it was hard to tell what
would happen. I couldn't just run out of the door when they opened it.
Whichever door that happened to be, my chains wouldn't allow that. Would they
be stupid enough to get close to me? If they were maybe I could choke them? Or
at the very least throw my shoes at them?
But, if I did that it wouldn't exactly help me. I needed a key to unlock
myself, and I wasn't going to get that if I choked them. Unless they had it on
them when I killed them….But is that a risk I’m willing to take? I know there’s
two guys, could I really kill them both? And if I did what would I do if they
both didn't have a key? Wait, my phone… I felt the hope rising up in me and dug
my hands into my pockets only to come up empty handed.
Dammit! Fuck! That’s right...I ran my hands through my hair, it wouldn't have
mattered anyways. My phone died on my way home last night. I didn't even care
what I was going to do anymore. There was no way I could carelessly kill two
guys. I needed to get out of here alive and killing them wouldn't help me
unless I knew for a fact that had what I needed.
I was going to have to play along….As much as that killed me inside, as much as
the thought made me sick to my stomach I knew I had to. But, I would not. I
would not. Let these guys take advantage of me. I was trying to piss myself off
again, trying to get my blood to boil. That’s what I wanted, no...it’s what I
needed. More than anything else right now, I needed to stay strong.
I looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head. I wanted that thing out of
my mouth, I wanted out of this damn room. I looked down so I wouldn't have to
look at myself anymore and that’s when I saw that the sink had cabinets under
it. I was trying not to get my hopes up that there might be something useful,
but it was too late to push all the thoughts away. I opened it quickly and this
time I knew for sure. There was no relief found in my system for what I found.
There was only disappointment.
All that was under the sink was a few box of tissues and some extra toilet
paper. I slammed my fist down on the tile and if I could scream I would've.
There was nothing else in that room that could have helped me, with my hope
gone, there was only anger left. I left the small room and slammed the door
shut behind me. I sat back down on the mattress and glared ahead at the wall. I
would've glared at the door, but I wasn't sure which one to stare at.
I spent the next five minutes thinking about everything I wanted to do to the
people who put me in here. I started to shake I was making myself so mad.
Good...Keep that emotion. That’s the only emotion that I needed to have while
in here. I wasn't going to let them break me. I wouldn't let this situation
break me.
But all those thought left me as soon as the door knob across from me started
to move. My blood ran cold and the color drained from my face. I was sure I
looked like a ghost, but honestly, being a ghost would be a lot better than
being in this situation. I was trying to go back to how I was feeling just
seconds ago, but nothing I did worked. My throat felt tight and maybe there
were even tears forming in my eyes. I couldn't tell if they were there out of
frustration or fear.
I needed to stay strong, if I was ever going to get out of this and see Armin
and my family again….Oh God...Armin. I tried my best to swallow, how is Armin
taking this? How is my mom and dad taking this? Do they think I just ran away
from home? Is that what they think? Did anyone--No. No one saw that I was
taken. Everyone was in bed, like I should’ve been. My breathing sounding
wheezing as it came through the small holes in the gag. I found myself curled
up, my legs pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around them. Why was I
reacting this way? I didn't mean to. It was just happening. I was helpless and
vulnerable and I couldn't stand that.
 
The door opened slowly and my breath hitched when I saw his face. He had a pale
complexion and his narrow gray eyes were enough to burn holes into me. He
couldn't have been much taller than five feet, and his hair was black and
short. He looked like an average man, other than his cravat and that small
smile he had on his lips.
I didn't know what to think about it, it sent a mixture of emotions through me.
Anger and fear being the two that won out. He was smiling down at a kid he took
in the middle of the night, what the fuck was wrong with him?! But, at the same
time it kept me from getting up and trying anything. Who smiles at someone like
that? What was he planning? What was he thinking? I was too lost in my thoughts
that I hardly noticed when he walked into the room fully and closed the door.
“Eren…” He said my name softly, like it was some fragile thing that could break
with the wrong tone. It twisted my stomach in ways I didn’t want to think
about.
***** Day 1 Part 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     I tried to make this one longer than the others, I'm sorry if it's
     too long ^^;
     I appreciate all the comments and stuff <3
     Anyways, enjoy :3
Day 1 Part 2
I tried to calm myself. I watched as he put down a bowl, a bottle of water and
a bottle of pills. Was he going to drug me? “Here, let me get that off you.” He
walked towards me and my body went stiff. Everything I had done to calm myself
down and relax my muscles disappeared with every step he took towards me.
I closed my eyes when he reached into his pocket. The next thing I felt was the
ball leaving my mouth. When I opened my eyes he was on his knees, so our eyes
were even. “I’m sorry about that, I didn't want to put it on you, but Erwin
told me I should so you wouldn't scream and cause a scene when you woke up.” He
started to reach a hand towards my cheek and I flinched away. Much to my
amazement, he looked disappointed and a little hurt before he lowered his hand.
“I’m Levi, in case you wanted to know.” He got up and went back to where he
left the stuff. I rubbed my jaw which was a little sore from the gag.
What was up with him? I wanted to yell and ask why I was here and what was
going on, but the words were stuck in my throat. It was almost like they were
clinging to the inside of it, begging not to be released into the air. “Here, I
brought some Advil. I wasn't sure if you would be in pain or not.” He opened it
and took a couple out before walking back over and holding them out for me with
the water. I almost didn't take it. I didn't understand what was happening. Why
was he doing this? This wasn't how things worked in the movies….
I glared up at him, but held out my hand where the pills fell and I took the
water. When he turned back around I examined the pills before putting them in
my mouth. They looked fine, at least to me. I don’t think I’d be able to tell
if they looked any different anyways. “And I brought in some grapes.” He picked
up the bowl, “I wasn't sure if you’d be hungry...And chloroform can make some
people nauseous.” He explained and my face paled. That’s what they used on me.
Him and...that Erwin. That made a lot more sense now, but…. “I’ll leave these
here.” He put it in front of the mattress, cutting off my thoughts. It looked
like he was about to say something else, but he didn't. My heart was racing,
should I say something? Would it make this situation better? Would I be able to
leave any sooner? Was I going to be able to leave at all?
“Thanks….” I whispered, I wasn't even sure if the words left my lips or not.
But I know he heard me, when I glanced up at him, he had a light in his eyes.
One a child would have after getting their first puppy. He reached his hand
down to touch my hair and I had to bite my cheek not to pull away. Why wasn't I
pulling away? Why wasn't I letting him know just how disgusted I was towards
him? Why didn't I hit his hand away? Was I honestly that scared that I didn't
want to anger him? Or...No...That wasn't it.
I knew why I wasn't fighting him. I wasn't fighting him because he was being a
nice guy. Yeah, he kidnapped me, but….He wasn't hurting me. He was playing the
good guy in this situation, or at least as close to the good guy as he could
get and that caused all my normal reactions to get jumbled up. I didn't know
what to do, any sane person would still say he deserved to be treated badly.
But….Maybe that’s what was wrong, a part of me didn't want to anger him too.
But, why didn't I want to anger him? I was looking down at the bowl of grapes.
No, remember, for now I just need to play along. This is all a game. I need to
get those thoughts out of my mind. I can’t let myself think like that. I was
just playing along….I needed to get out of here and it looked like working with
him was going to let me achieve that goal a lot sooner than working against him
would.
I need to stick to my morals though. I don’t care how much he asks for, this is
as far as I will go. I will not kiss him, and I won’t let him touch my body.
They only way he’s going to be able to do that is if he kills me first. I was
glaring down at the grapes down. The thought disgusted me. I felt like I was
going to be sick imaging this man taking advantage of me.
“It’s eight, so I’ll be back in at nine. But, if you need anything before that
let me know. I don’t want to overwhelm you or anything, Eren.” There it was.
The way he said my name. It still made my stomach twist and knot. I nodded and
waited until I heard the door close. When I looked back up the gag was off the
floor, he must have taken it with him.
After he left I could still feel the tension in the air. And suddenly I
realized just how lonely this room was….I was going to need to get used to this
quiet room. The room wasn't that big, but when you could only go into the
restroom and halfway across the floor...The room seemed as big as a country. I
glanced over at the last door in the room. I knew the way out and the restroom
so far. But what was in there? Torture devices? I bit my lip and swallowed and
focused back on the grapes, I didn't want to think about that.
I sighed and picked one up and examined it. Yet again, it looked okay to
me...But I don’t think I’d be able to tell the difference anyways. I popped it
into my mouth and chewed it up before swallowing. Well….It tasted okay. I
decided to eat a few more before glancing around the room again. There wasn't
any clocks either...He said he’d be back in an hour. There was no way for me to
know when that hour was over….And--wait. Was I actually looking forward to
that? Did I actually want this man back into this room? No. I’m a person and
people crave human contact, that’s all there is to it. Plus the more I talk to
him, the faster I can get out. That’s what it is.
I wanted to know how a different person would react in this situation? I didn't
want to think about them, I needed to focus on me and how I was going to start
reacting. I looked around the room again before eating a few more grapes. You
know what? Fuck it. I was going to get a clock in here….I needed something to
do before I went crazy. I took off my shoe and threw it at the door, “Levi!” I
shouted.
The door opened up and I could see into what looked like a hallway. Was I in
his house? “Yes, Eren?” The way he said that got under my skin. It wasn't just
the way he said my name, but also the way he said those whole two words. It was
like he was excited to have me call to him. Like this was something he wasn't
necessarily expecting, but it excited him none the less. Like a part of him
knew it was going to happen and just from that it made me want to throw my
other shoe at him. I glared over at him and slipped off my shoe and that’s when
he stepped into the room and glanced down, “Do you want your shoe back?” He
asked and that’s when I threw my other one at him.
It would've hit him right in the stomach, if his reflexes weren't so fast. He
ended up knocking it away with his hand before it hit him and he gave me and
unamused look. “Now why would you try to hit me? Did I do something wrong…?”
His features softened.
“....” My breath caught in my throat. I was expecting him to yell, to hit me,
to punish me. Something, anything in a negative way, but instead I got this.
Was he honestly not that angry? I tightened my jaw and stared up at him. Well,
not at him, I knew if I made eye contact I would loose my nerve, so I looked
past him at the door. “I want a clock.” I said, my voice coming out sternly,
but it was also quiet. I was afraid to talk any louder, I didn't want my voice
to waver.
“A clock? A digital one or analog?”
“Digital.” I said, knowing I just wanted to make my life easier. He gave me a
small smirk.
“I’ll send Erwin to get one, I’ll have him get the ones that hang on the wall.”
And with that he left. He was gone for quite some time and I thought I heard a
few things being thrown. What was happening out there? Were they fighting? Was
the other guy pissed at me? I didn't even get a good look at him the night they
took me, but I knew he was not the type of guy I wanted to get in a fight with.
Levi walked back into the room, “He’ll be back in a little.” He glanced down at
the things he gave me. “Do you need any more Advil?” And when I didn't respond
he took a few more steps towards me and picked up the bottle, “I’ll keep these
with me, I don’t need you over dosing.”
I stayed silent. Why were they fighting? He didn't have any bruises or
marks...So he wasn't hit. At least not where I could see. And he didn't want me
to overdose? So...He was planning on keeping me alive. But, for how long? “Why
am I here….?” I whispered before he left. He turned back around and looked at
me for a moment, “....Are you going to rape me? Murder me? Am I here for some
sick game?” I asked louder, my voice growing more confident. But, I still
couldn't look at him. I was afraid of what I would see. I didn't want to see
anger, if I saw anything that could tell me he could kill me...I didn't want to
see it. I might lose my nerve.
“...A game?” He asked as if he were actually thinking about the option.
“No...It’s not a game, and...I can’t tell you exactly why you’re here. As much
as it kills me not to, I can’t. I don’t want to overwhelm you or brush off my
reasoning.” He stayed quiet for a while, “But, for your worries...No...I don’t
want to hurt you. I won’t touch you unless you want it too and I definitely
won’t kill you.” I heard him walk closer to me before I glanced up. He was
squatting down to be at eye level and he was at the front edge of the mattress.
“...What the hell does that even me?!” I almost shouted, he said he wasn't
going to kill me. I didn't believe him, but it was enough to calm my nerves to
say something about it. “Are you just going to keep me here?! For how long?!
For what?!” I tightened my fists, “I have a family and friends! They’re
probably worried sick right now! I’m making them worry because some stupid guy
decided to chain me up, God knows where!” I was glaring at him, but when I saw
him flinch I had to tighten my jaw to make sure my features didn't soften. I
didn't want to show this guy any pity. I didn't want him to know that I might
be able to relate to his hurt expression.
“Eren….” He said tenderly. That was enough to break me a little bit, my chest
tightened and the anger fizzled out of me. I bit down on my lip and shifted my
gaze to the side. I swallowed a few times...Why was I reacting like this? My
stomach was in knots and I felt a little nauseous. Maybe I was going about this
all wrong? What if they were set up to take me? Like someone threatened them if
they didn't? Maybe that’s why he couldn't tell me why they took me? What
if….What if he was just a normal guy? Should I ask? Should I ask if they took
me because they were threatened? Or maybe it’s better not to know? “....Maybe I
should go for now….I’ll be back in at nine or whenever your clock gets here.
Whichever comes first.” I looked over at him when he stood up and I knew it was
a mistake.
In his eyes I saw something that fueled the anger again. He looked down at me
like he understood…..Like he understood what it was like to be held up in a
room against your will, not knowing where you are or who you’re with. And I had
to bet that he had no idea what this was like. He couldn't….Because if he did,
then he wouldn't have done it to me. I don’t care if he was being forced to do
it or not….He would have done something different. Like just locked the door or
kept me in the house, not in a small room chained to the wall with a mattress.
At first I wanted to ask for something else to do, but I was too distracted
now. I looked away from him like he was roadkill and after a few short moments
I heard a sigh, footsteps, then the door opening and closing.
I let out a frustrated breath and looked down at my sock covered feet….He never
gave me my shoes back. I didn't really expect him to, not after I threw one at
him. I mean, he did offer earlier...But that went out the window when we
started to talk.
I hated this, I hated being alone. I didn't want him in here though, I didn't
know what he would do. I kind of think he was lying earlier, about not hurting
me. I don’t know what he plans on doing and I don’t want to find out. I ran my
hand through my hair, it didn't feel bad now, but I knew in a few days my skin
and hair would look and feel disgusting. There wasn't a shower in here as far
as I knew….So that means I’d end up asking for one. Not now though, no….I could
still last a few days before I gave into a mundane need.
I didn't really understand him though. It was obvious he was going to do
something bad to me. So, why lie? Just to make me feel better? Or maybe to gain
my trust so he doesn't feel like a dick through the whole thing. But….to betray
me later on...Wouldn't that hurt more if we got close?
I groaned to myself and covered my face with my hands. I hated this! I wanted
to go home and see Armin and my mom and my dad…..I didn't want to see this guy
anymore. I didn't want to be chained here. I didn't want to be on this
mattress…..I wanted to go home…. “I want to go home….” I mumbled to myself. I
felt hot tears burning in my eyes as I kept making myself think of everyone I
was missing.
Reality was really starting to set in and it was hitting me hard. I wasn't
going to get out of here. I know that….I know I’m going to end up rotting away
in here and no one is ever going to find my body…..These guys...They’re going
to hurt me. I don’t know what they’re going to do...I didn't care at this
point. I just didn't care. I was grabbing at my hair, tears streaming down my
face. “Why did this happen to me…?” I whispered, my throat felt tight, it felt
like it was on fire. I hid my face under the blankets and let the pillow soak
up my tears. I didn't want that monster to see me like this. He wasn't going to
know I was being broken this badly.
I wasn't sure when I fell asleep or how long I was asleep for. But, Levi must
have been watching me because the second I sat up, the door opened. Levi walked
in first, but as disgusted as I was with him I just didn't have the energy to
do anything about it. He looked at me with concern, “....Eren….Are you okay…?”
I guess he saw my tear stained cheeks. In response I looked down at the bed. I
didn't want to talk to him….My throat was still dry, I wanted to drink some
water and relieve my bladder. But, I wasn't going to do that with him in here.
After a moment, another man walked in behind Levi. He was a lot taller…. He had
short blonde hair and he had bright blue eyes that could freeze me in my spot.
He must have been that wall I ran into…. The most striking thing I found about
him was his bushy eyebrows, I bit my lip and looked down for a second to
compose myself. I understood this was not a time to laugh, I didn't know what
they were going to do. But….knowing that I was still able to laugh in this
situation gave me a little hope that after this was all done and over with, I
wouldn't be that messed up.
“Where do you want your clock?” Erwin asked, which snapped my attention back up
to him. It twisted my stomach, more than Levi saying my name. His voice was
deeper than Levi’s, but that’s not what caught my attention. It was how….how
apathetic he sounded. Whether he was used to doing this or he just didn't care,
I wasn't quite sure. But, when I looked up, he had a bruise on his cheek and a
few more on his arms….Was that from all the noises I heard earlier?
“...By the door to leave….” I croaked out, my throat was dry. It was the door I
ended up looked at most of the time, so that would be a good place. He nodded
and started putting a nail in the wall. It was one of the clocks that told you
the time and day and all the other useless junk.
“You should drink some water….” Levi said walking towards me, it looked like he
was going to pick up my water bottle so I snatched it off the ground before he
could.
“I will.” I snapped, looking away from him.
“I’m just trying to look out for you...Your throat seems dry.” I bit my tongue
so I wouldn't yell at him. I was going to yell about how if he really was
looking out for me then I wouldn't be locked up here. “It’s noon...Did you want
some lunch?” He asked when he realized I wasn't going to drink anything.
“...No.” I prayed that my stomach wouldn't rumble.
Levi stayed silent and stared down at me for a moment, “Done. The clock is up
and ready to go.” Erwin broke the silence turning to look at us two. He walked
over beside of Levi but I wouldn't meet his gaze.
“Yeah.” I said in response hoping they would leave, I was getting anxious and
scared. My stomach felt like it was in knots and I wanted nothing more than to
be alone. This tension in the air was getting to be too much for me to handle.
I finally glanced up and met Erwin’s stare, only to feel even more uneasy. He
was looking down at me, his eyes running all over my body. I was starting to
feel dirty just by him doing that, it was like he was undressing me with his
eyes. And before I looked away I saw him lick his lips, which was almost enough
to make me vomit on their shoes.
“Eren, I really think you should eat….” Levi urged.
“I’ll be in the living room.” Erwin told us before walking out and I didn't say
anything to Levi and after a moment he realized I wasn't going to.
“...If you don’t eat lunch then you have to eat a lot for dinner, please?”
“We’ll see….”
“Eren…” This time he added a bit of edge to his tone when he said my name. The
way he said it made me swallow and bite my lip, this is the anger I was waiting
for. Well, maybe not like this, I was still waiting for it to get worse. “I’m
not going to leave until you promise me.” We kept our eye contact, his saying
something about just trying to challenge him. I’m not sure what he saw in mine,
but I hope it wasn't fear. I wanted to look away, but somehow he was able to
keep me from doing that.
“Promise.” I said weakly. With that one word his eyes did a one-eighty. He was
looking back down at me with care and compassion, whatever anger there was, was
now gone. There wasn't even a lot to begin with, but seeing him this way made
me relax.
“Thank you.” He smiled and left. After the door closed I let out a breath that
I didn't know I was holding. My lungs were immediately thanking me as the
burning sensation was leaving them.
 
After that encounter, I spent the rest of that day laying on the mattress,
occasionally getting up to use the restroom and staring at the clock. I started
to notice that Levi would come in to check on me every hour. The first couple
times he would bring in more water and ask if I was hungry or anything. I would
tell him I wasn't and after that I managed to pretend to be asleep during the
rest of his visits. I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to talk to him, and
I didn't want to be here.
Whenever I was awake, he would stay longer and try to talk to me. But, if he
thought I was asleep he would walk over to me and maybe fix the blankets before
leaving again, he would also take any empty bottles I had. When dinner time
came around he woke me up by gently shaking my side and saying in a low, sweet
voice that it was time to eat. I sat up and rubbed at my eyes before I started
to eat in silence, I could tell it made him happy to see me taking care of
myself.
He ended up sitting beside of me and trying to talk to me. I did my best to
ignore him, but found myself occasionally nodding or looking over at me. I
blame my mother for teaching me good manners. I hated myself for doing that. I
shouldn't be teaching this piece of trash with manners. But, a part of me knew
that I had to, I didn't want to get hurt and I didn't know how far I would be
able to push this guy.
After the meal though, I stopped pretending I was asleep when he would come in
to check on me. I wouldn't really talk to him either, I might have said a few
things, but that was all. he did most of the talking or I would just enjoy not
being alone for a few minutes. By midnight he said he was going to go to bed
and that I should too. I even let him tuck me in. Levi told me he would be back
in when I woke up and he hoped that I would eat some breakfast. As much as I
hated him and as much as I still didn't trust him, I didn't like being alone. I
was going to go crazy without some sort of human contact. And maybe it was
because I was finally deciding that I was going to play him, like I thought he
was playing me. I wanted him to trust me, to think that I wasn't going to
leave, that I didn't want to leave. But, the first chance I get, I was going to
take it.
That was my plan.
***** Day 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     I skipped a day :3 And in the next chapter I will skip a few more
     days.
     This one is pretty long and there might be some feels
     This is kinda late today, I'm sorry! But, I hope you guys like this
     one :3
     Thanks so much for all the comments and everything.
     Enjoy :3
Day 3
It was almost ten, I woke up not that long ago….Levi would be in here soon.
Today I was going to ask for something to do, hell, I’d even color in a
coloring book. I couldn't take another day of sitting around and doing nothing
but staring at the clock and thinking about how much I wanted to leave here.
And making myself sick, knowing the only way out of these chains was if he
trusted me enough. I ran a hand through my hand and grimaced.
I needed to shower today. I was going to need to ask him about where I could
shower and pray that he’d let me. I know, it’s such an odd thing to worry
about...Showering….in my situation. But, it’s been a few days and Levi hasn't
done anything yet….I am cautious about Erwin though. I shivered at the thought
of him, he puts me on edge. He makes my stomach twist more than what Levi
saying my name does. I was actually getting a little used to him saying my name
that way. But, there would still be certain looks he’d give me that would make
my blood boil. Besides it’s only been three days...Yeah...Only. I rolled my
eyes at the thought.
Three days too many. I was scaring myself whenever I had those thoughts, I
mean...What if I actually got used to living like this? If I got used to not
trusting and being scared of these guys? It’s a fucked up thing to think about
and I know it…..Just….What if I’m stuck here for months? Years?
I shook my head, No. My mom or dad or Armin had to be looking for me. I bet
they called the cops and knowing Armin he’s also looking. I knew they had to
be….They would get some sort of clue to where I am and they’d come for me. I
had to think positively. I would get found in no time...But until then I needed
to stick to my own plan. Maybe he’d start trusting me sooner than I thought and
let me wander around. Even if he didn't do that...At least he wouldn't hurt me,
right?
I bit my lip and thought about my first day here and the condition Erwin was
in. That had to of been Levi….Who else would've done it? And if he could do
that….to someone so much bigger than he was...I didn't even want to think what
he could do to me. I let out a shaky breath to try and calm myself down when
the door opened. “Good morning, Eren.” Levi smiled and stepped in, closing the
door. “Do you want some breakfast?”
“...I uh….I have a few requests.” I managed to get out calmly. This was stupid,
I was a damn prisoner, not at a hotel. “...I want something to do. And….I want
to shower.”
“...I thought you would, so I have some coloring books and puzzles and regular
books?” He offered ignoring my request for the shower.
“Yeah, can I have those?” I hated reading, but if I had to stare at the clock
for another hour, I would rip my eyes out.
“Sure, after breakfast.” He smiled.
“And….About the shower?” I was getting a little more confident talking to him,
I tested it out a little yesterday and when I realized I could talk like
myself, it made me relax a little.
“You haven’t been here that long and I don’t trust taking the handcuffs off you
yet….So….I can make them longer for you to go into the shower.” He gestured
towards the other door in this room. So, that’s what was in there, a shower.
“But, uh, I’ll need to be in the room too.” My face went slightly pale. Before
I could say anything about that he continued, “I can look at the ground when
you’re changing or something. If you’re uncomfortable...I won’t touch you, but,
if you notice the chains starting to rust let me know so I can clean it….But,
hopefully you won’t need to shower with those very much.”
"....Okay..." I agreed, I knew this was the only way I was going to be able to
shower.
"Good." Levi smiled, "So what would you like to eat?"
"...I don't care...." I said quietly. I never knew what to say when he asked me
that. It made me uncomfortable. I wasn't at home or at a friends house. I
was....here.
"Do you like french toast?"
"...Yeah." I held our eye contact.
"Then I'll make that. I'll be back soon." And with a final smile, I was alone.
Why? Why was I here? I got a chill down my spine thinking about how weird it is
here. Maybe I would feel better if they threatened to hurt me or something. I
don't know...but it would be a lot more normal...
I was alone for a while. I felt like the more time I spent alone, the more I
got sick of myself. That wasn't good, I didn't need to go begging for him to
stay longer and I didn't know how long I would be in here. I didn't need to
make myself go crazy.
I wouldn't lie, though, I was a little excited to see the shower. It was
another room that I would be able to see, to explore in a way. Something else
to soak in about my new environment. I was craving something new....or maybe
something old. Maybe I wanted to find something that reminded me of home. Or
Armin's house....anything. Hell, it could even be the shower. If the shower was
the same as the one I had at home, it would bring me a little piece of mind. I
was hoping for something that had a small chance of happening. Is this who I
was now? After only two days, going on my third....I was being driven to the
point that I hoped he had the same shower?!
No, I would not let myself turn into that type of person. I needed to be
strong, even if that meant lying to myself. I could pretend that this was a
sleepover, one where I stay awhile because I don't feel like going home. As
long as I didn't mix up the lie with reality I would be fine. I just needed to
make sure I didn't forget my plan.
Getting him to trust me....
I had no idea how well that was going to work out. Would he ever trust me? I
believe so....Enough to let me explore the rest of the house? Possibly. But it
was hard to tell, I didn't know him. As much as I thought I did, I really
didn't. I still don't know exactly why he took me. I don't know what he's
planning. And yeah, he seems nice. But it that actually the kind of person he
is? Is he as nice as he's letting on? I have a hard time believing that,
because if he is the one that beat up Erwin....Then there's a whole other side
of him that I haven't seen yet. And maybe I should keep it that way.
My thoughts were racing around in my head when I heard the door start to open.
As much as I hated to admit it, I started to calm down a little bit. Seeing
Levi and reminding me to stay focused on the task before me would help me a
little. That and food never hurt anyone. I couldn't deny that I was pretty
hungry, I think after a few days, my brain was relaxing a little which caused
my stomach not to be as knotted. But the man I saw at the door just caused my
nerves to kick up to high and put me on my guard.
It was like my brain was telling me "stranger danger, stranger danger, stranger
danger." Which is almost comical, since Levi is also a stranger. And even
worse, Levi might be the one behind this whole thing....So you'd think I'd be
more afraid of him than of Erwin....But I guess my brain didn't get that memo.
"You aren't allergic to any foods, right?" He asked, and there was no smile on
his lips. There was no warmness in his eyes. His voice might have been softer
than normal, but I couldn't tell.
Suddenly my mouth felt like a desert and my throat felt tight. Whatever words
that I was going to say, got stuck in my throat. They were clinging onto the
sides of my flesh, begging to stay inside. I couldn't keep my eyes trained on
him, they kept darting around the room. Trying to find something, anything, to
focus on. When I finally decided just to stare at my hands, he asked again,
"Well, are you?"
I bit into my lip, like I was trying to help keep the words down. I didn't know
whether they would be safe to float in the air between us. I shook my head.
"It should be done soon, then." I felt him standing in the room. He was looking
at me, or at least it felt like he was. What kind of expression did he have?
Was he angry? Did he have a look that said he could kill? Or was it one of
sadness? Did he pity me? Or....Was it one of a hungry passion? One that said he
wanted to devour me? And the other question was, did I really want to know? I
knew I hoped it was none of the above, but if I had to choose, I'd rather him
pity me than he angry or...pervy. I swallowed and as much as my brain was
screaming to look up, I couldn't let myself. I had to keep looking down....I
could feel my cheeks heating up. Why was I getting embarrassed?
I wanted to tell him to leave. Go on, do it. I just needed to take a deep
breath and say it. But, I didn't want him to hurt my for it, but with Levi this
close I didn't think he would. Heh, why did I think that? Why did I think just
because Levi, a man that chained me up, was close by he wouldn't hurt me? Did I
honestly think Levi was going to protect me? Did I forget that he was the one
that put me in this mess to begin with?! Did I forget Levi is just as much as a
bad guy as Erwin?! Did I really let myself think that Levi was some good guy?
That he wasn't at fault? That he was some knight here to protect me from the
big dragon? Man....I didn't know whether I was losing my mind or I was just
that stupid. Levi is a part of this too.
He could hurt me just like Erwin could. Levi was keeping me here just as much
as he was. Levi wasn't some knight in armor here to save me. He was a villain
wrapped in tin foil. And it was one of my goals to tear it off him. In order to
get close to him, I needed to tear off that foil he had on himself. I needed to
destroy his walls and not let myself get attached. If I got attached, I would
feel bad. I couldn't let that happen. I needed to think like Erwin and Levi. I
couldn't let their thoughts bother me on a personal level. I needed to think of
only myself. What was best for me and only me. How was I going to survive to
this and make it back home. That's what I needed to think about.
I couldn't care if they were abused when they were little. I couldn't care if
they were raped or even if they watched someone get killed. Sympathy was an
evil emotion in this situation. I couldn't let it taint me. I couldn't let it
phase me. I needed to turn that emotion off, this needed to be all about me. I
couldn't even care if they were kidnapped years ago. If they were in the exact
same situation, I had to just tell myself that it didn't matter. What mattered
was what I was going through right now and how much stress and worry I was
putting on my friends and family.
Somewhere in my thoughts, my throat loosened up and I was calming down. I was
going to tell him to leave. I was going to push Erwin to his limits, trying not
to go over. I would just have to hope that Levi wouldn't let anything bad
happen to me. And as for Levi....I needed to stick with my plan. And be the
most likable version of myself that there was. I raised my head slowly, I was
going to stare right into his cold eyes and tell him to leave the room.
But....he wasn't there. I guess while I was lost in my thoughts he ended up
leaving. I let a breath out of my lungs. All of that determination leaving with
it.
I wouldn't forget what I needed to do, but I also really needed to work on
getting more confident around that wall of flesh. Before I had the chance to
even glance at the clock, the door opened again and this time it was the short
man that I was almost happy to see. It was time to start my plan. I needed to
really stick with it. I needed to talk about myself and ask him about his life.
~~~
It was almost noon and Levi said I could shower then. After he had dropped off
the food, I was about to ask him to eat with me but I couldn't bring myself to
ask. I ate by myself and shortly after when he returned he gave me the items I
asked for. I didn't let him leave right away though, I complimented his cooking
which made his face light up. Afterwards I tried my best to start a
conversation without making it sound forced.
I was scratching at my head when Levi came into the room with a towel and
washcloth. “Ready?” He asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded and tried to keep the excitement out of my voice. I was
excited to take a shower, to do something normal. I watched as he went into the
room that I was desperate to look into. He came back out without the towels and
it looked like he was getting something out of his pocket. He took out a key
and went towards the keyhole under the thing that my chains went into. After he
twisted the key into place he started to crank that lever thing and I watched
as my chains got longer.
“Okay, that should be long enough.” He said after a few moments, he took the
key back and put it into his pocket. I stood up and followed him into the room.
I held my breath as I looked around, it was a little bigger than the restroom.
There was a medicine cabinet in here and the shower. They were on opposite
walls and much to my dislike...The shower was one I've never seen before.
“What’s wrong?” I guess I let that disappointment show through.
I quickly covered it up with a smile, “Nothing just uh….” I needed to think of
something, but without taking too long to. I glanced down at my shirt. “How am
I supposed to get my shirt off with the chains?”
“The chains are long enough so when you slip the shirt over your head we can
just pull it down the chains so it doesn't get wet.” He explained.
“Okay….” I wasn't expecting that I was hoping he would see a flaw in this and
let me take the chains off. It was a small hope that I had, but I wasn't going
to let this crush my determination. After I undressed and got into the shower
Levi moved my shirt down. That’s when I turned on the water, he wasn't
lying...He didn't watch me undress, he didn't touch me...He didn't do anything.
I heard him sit on the tile while I was letting the warm water run through my
hair and over my body.
“So, Eren, can I ask you a question?”
“....” I swallowed and found the shampoo and started to put it in my hair. What
was he going to ask? “S-Sure…” I prayed that he didn't hear my stutter.
He chuckled a little, “What do you think of me?”
My hands were in my hair and I froze. This question was like a double edged
sword, if I said I liked him, he might try to do something. But, if I said I
hated him he could hurt me. I was thinking through my options, was there a way
to avoid the question? I didn't want to answer something like this, especially
when I was so vulnerable. I tried to quickly play through what could happen in
my mind with different responses. But, I didn't know him well enough. I didn't
know how Levi would actually react to what I had to say, I only knew how I
hoped he would react. I guess I was silent a lot longer than I thought because
he spoke again. “It’s okay...You don’t need to answer. I was just curious if
you had an opinion.” He said quietly, and I could tell he was a little
disappointed. But, that was my chance, it was an excuse not to answer, so why
couldn't I stop the words from recklessly tumbling out of my mouth?
“Well um….It’s not that...I just….I do have an opinion….” I trailed off and I
could have punched myself in the face. Why was I doing that? Why couldn't I
keep my mouth fucking closed?
“Hmm? Really?” He had an amused tone in his voice and I could almost see his
smirk and raised eyebrow.
“Y-yeah...It’s just…” I swallowed, I had no idea what I was going to say. And
whenever I was like this, a mess with my words I ended up either lying which
got me in situations I hated or I ended up spilling the truth. Which...In this
case both would get me in a load of shit. “Well….yeah you see….I uh….” I
removed my hands from my hair and let the water rinse out the shampoo. “I don’t
hate you….” I said quietly and I wasn't sure whether that was a lie or the
truth. I couldn't hate something that didn't hurt me, right? But no...He was
hurting me. He was hurting me mentally and confusing me and making me question
everything.
“...You really don’t?” Levi asked and it made me sick with how much hope I
heard in his voice. My blood ran cold and despite the hot water running down my
body I shivered. It felt like my face was pale and I felt sick to my stomach,
did I just fuck this up? Or was I doing exactly what I needed to? “I was scared
you were going to hate me….” He sighed and I bit my lip to keep from saying
anything else.
 
We stayed silent for a while longer and I continued to wash my hair. After it
was clean, I started on my body. “Can I ask another question?”
“Shoot…” I said and this time there was some confidence in my voice. After that
last question I could handle anything. I was back on my toes and I would be
able to think of any answer in a matter of seconds. No other question was going
to knock me down like that one did, or at least that’s what I thought.
“What do you think about Erwin?”
When he asked that...When that man’s name left his lips I felt myself freeze in
place. My heart was racing in my chest and I thought it was about to jump out
of my body and run for it’s life. I was horribly wrong when I thought I could
handle anything. This was a question I honestly had no idea how to answer. I
didn't know how close they were so I didn't know whether I should lie or not.
But, what if I said I liked him and Levi saw I was lying? Or what if he got
jealous? But what if I said I didn't like him and Levi got pissed at me? My
head was racing and it felt like the room was spinning. But this time...I knew
he wasn’t going to offer me a way out. I was able to answer that last question,
so why couldn't I answer this one? I could almost feel his eyes staring at me
through the curtain. They were burning into me, digging holes into my deepest
thoughts. Before I could come up with a proper response, the truth came
flooding out. Well, most of the truth before I was able to stop myself. “...He
makes me uncomfortable….” I cringed at my own words, I mentally punched myself.
How could I just tell the enemy something like that? Something he could use
against me?
“Why’s that? He told me you acted weird whenever he came into the room….” It
sounded like he was talking through clenched teeth, was he? Or was that just my
imagination? Who was he mad at?
“He just--”
“He didn't touch you did he?” He cut me off and i could feel tension in the
air. I was almost afraid to answer his question.
“No…” I said quietly, which made me wonder...Was he planning on touching me?
Would Levi let that happen?
“Okay….” And I could feel the air start to relax, like someone was no longer
stretching the cord as tightly as before. It made it a little easier to breath.
“Why…?”
“I was just making sure. I didn't want you to be hurt or anything. Eren this
might sound a bit egotistical, but I want you to trust me. I want you to be
able to tell me when something makes you uncomfortable okay?” He told me gently
and I agreed. But, there was that thought in the back of my mind that kept
telling me to yell at him. That if he wanted to know what was making me
uncomfortable it was him. It was him being so damn nice, it was being chained
up in this damn room when I should be at home. I should be going school
shopping, I should be with Armin. I should be arguing with Jean and doing
whatever I felt like doing. Not stuck in this tiny room where I had to ask to
shower. Not here where I had no idea what it looked like outside, praying that
someone would find me. But maybe this was my fault...I should have spent
another night with Armin. Or accepted a ride from his grandpa. I shouldn't have
been walking home that night and now I’m stuck here and it’s all my fault….I
fell down in the tub and curled up. My knees were to my chest and I was holding
this tightly, I almost forgot that I wasn't alone in here. But, that didn't
stop the tears from falling, I was choking on my sobs and letting my tears mix
in with the water from the shower. While in the background, I kept hearing his
voice. The voice I was trying so much to hate, the one I was trying to ignore,
but it kept pushing it’s way through my thoughts.
“What’s wrong…? Eren? Shhh….Are you okay? Did you hurt yourself? Eren?
Eren...Sh..Shhh….It’s going to be okay….I’ll fix whatever's wrong….Just tell
me….Please….” He was begging and I almost felt sorry for him. I might have even
answered him if it wasn't for my throat feeling like it was closed up. “Eren I
can hold you if you want...We can get you dressed of wrapped in a towel and I
can make you feel better...Or I can leave you alone if that’s what you
need….Please tell me….” He was closer now, it sounded like he was right by the
curtain. I didn't want his filthy hands touching me. I didn't want to talk to
him. I didn't want to see him, but at the same time I didn't want to tell him
to leave. I was shaking and I couldn't stop, I wanted to be held but not by
him. I was trying to block out his pleas and calm down.
As much as I hated myself for this…..I knew I needed to do it. I was never
going to forgive myself for what I was about to do. But, I wanted him to trust
me and this was an opportunity that I wasn't going to miss. I was willing to
use my own mental breakdown against him….It was going to hurt me too...But, I
was going to need to make sacrifices for this plan to work. I reached up and
turned off the water and that’s when Levi grew silent. The only noise that
could be heard was my continued sobs and hitches in my breathing. “...C-can you
let me put a towel on and…” I swallowed, I was trying to loosen up my throat,
but all I did was start a new river of tears. “...H-hold me?” I bit my lip and
tried to hold back my tears. This time I wasn't crying because I was here, I
was crying because I was doing this. I was allowing him to touch me and comfort
me, but he wouldn't know the difference between the tears. He didn't even say
anything, he just put his hand with a towel into the shower, I grabbed it and
stood up wrapping it around my body. It was long enough to go down to my knees.
I pulled the shower curtain open and stepped out, a puddle was forming under my
feet. Before I could say anything he swept me off my feet and carried me into
the main room. We didn't sit on my bed though, we sat by it against the wall. I
was sitting in between his legs on the floor. I was low enough so the back of
my head was again his chest and his arms were wrapped around me as I shook.
“It’s going to be okay….I promise….” Levi offered words that were meant to
comfort me, but all they did was make me cry more.
I didn't know how long we stayed like that and I didn't check the clock once.
Levi made an effort not to leave my room the rest of the day. If he did it was
just to get food and drinks, we just sat together. We colored some and I let
him read to me when he said it was getting late. And I guess I was wrong again,
because I think I could forgive myself for letting him hold me while I cried.
But not this, definitely not what I was letting him do now. I felt like it was
crossing a line, this was moving too fast. I knew I needed him to trust
me...But I was betraying my own morals. This wasn't supposed to happen. I
wasn't supposed to let this sicko get close to me. But….I was tired and my
throat hurt from all my crying and I just wanted to feel a little normal for
one night. I could pretend I was with my mom or maybe Armin would be a better
fit given his size.
But, that’s what I did….I let him sleep with me. After he shortened my chains
again, he was about to leave to go to bed, but before he walked out of my arm
range I grabbed onto his shirt. “Don’t….Uh I mean….I uh…” I couldn't believe I
was asking, I kept telling myself I needed to do this to get out sooner. “Can
you sleep with me…?” I asked him and he smiled down at me.
“Yes, I can….But, are you sure?” Was I sure? Fuck no. I was sure that I didn't
want him to. I was sure that I’d have to scrub at my skin during my next shower
to get his touch off of me.
“Positive.” I smiled up at him and that was all he needed. He pulled the
blankets away and let me get comfortable first. He didn't even bother to leave
to change into pajamas, either he really didn't want me alone or he was really
excited to share the bed with me. Either option was enough to make me want to
make him leave. But I held my tongue and let him crawl into bed with me. I
rolled onto my side and I fell asleep with his arm wrapped around me.
Sickening, right?
***** Day 7 *****
Chapter Notes
     As you can see I skipped quite a few days :3 This fic would just be
     waaay too long if I didn't skip around. There's a bit of drama in
     this that I hope everyone likes :) Also, I proof read this chapter
     and I plan on doing that for now on, my mistakes are getting too much
     for me to handle xD So, if there are still grammar or spelling
     mistakes then I suck D: Anyways, without further ado, enjoy :)
Day 7
It was my seventh day here....I didn't care what day it was. I was living my
life hour by hour, trying to make it through the day....The number meant more
to me than anyone could imagine. It's how I was staying sane, in a way. I clung
to the number desperately, hoping that with every passing day....As that number
increased, I hoped my days of being locked away decreased. After today I would
have been in here a week. A full week. The more I tried to think of my life out
of here....the more distant it felt. Almost like my life outside of here, my
normal life, was the weird way to live. I was getting used to how things were
running in here. I saw Levi every hour and sometimes we talked or I'd let him
hold me....After Day three, I made an effort to let him hold me like that. I
let him sleep with me on Day five and I planned on sucking it up today and
letting him again.
I really thought he was beginning to trust me. At least a little bit. He seemed
pleased with me every time I allowed him to be near me, and for whatever
reason....the thought made me smile. It had to be because I was getting closer
to being able to leave. That had to be it. I was chewing my lip, waiting for
him to come in and ask what I wanted for breakfast. And this time I'd be able
to ask for something and he'll be happy to make it.
The only thing that was inconsistent here was Erwin. I haven't seen him in a
while and I don't know whether that's Levi's doings or his own. I wish I knew
why he was here to begin with. Were they supposed to be doing some good cop,
bad cop thing? No....I don't think Levi would....Wait....Did Levi ever leave
the house? I was starting to think he didn't....So maybe Erwin was here to get
groceries....I'll ask Levi while we eat breakfast.....
Stop stop stop stop stop!
Oh god....was I seriously just....no. Levi wasn't someone I could fully trust
either. Was I seriously just thinking that? It's starting to scare me how
casually I'm acting in this situation. But...that's what I need to do....I need
to stop being scared. I wanted Levi to think that I loved it here.
"Good morning, Eren." The black haired man smiled when he came into the room.
"Good morning." I smiled back, it wasn't forced, my smile came naturally. He
came over and ruffled my hair. And I almost...almost allowed myself to enjoy
his touch. But I had to remind myself that he was a disgusting creature.
"So what do you want for breakfast?" He put his hand back to his side and
looked down at me.
"Waffles? With blueberries?"
"Heh, coming right up." He smiled and left the room. It was nine. I was going
to ask him about Erwin....not directly though....
Over the past few days I thought of a way to make my plan better....if I tore
them apart. If I some how got Levi to hate Erwin. If I could get rid of Erwin
while building my trust with Levi, I think I actually have a chance of leaving
sometime soon. Then I could go home and fall back into a normal life. Heh, a
normal life....It was almost laughable. What was really normal? Maybe--no. I
lifted my arms slightly and made the chains move, this was not normal.
But it was still scary how I was able to adjust in a week. Yeah, I was adjusted
to this living, I was used to it, dare I even say comfortable. What made me
laugh though, was even if that was true....The only things that kept me sane
through this was the number of the days I've been here and my plan. The plan
that I kept changing little parts to, trying to figure out the best way to make
it work.
I sat in silence with my own thoughts until the door finally opened back up.
"Mmmm, it smells good." I smiled when he walked back into the room. But, if he
would've looked into my eyes more deeply, he wouldn't have saw a smile. He
would have saw disgusted determination.
He put the plate in front of me before sitting beside of me with his own.
"Thanks, I made it with love." He chuckled, and I half froze. The way he said
that set me on edge....something wasn't right. I tried to ignore it and forced
out a chuckle too. I had a question to ask....but I wanted to butter him up
first.
"So uh....could you...." I looked down and cut off a few bite sized pieces from
my waffle. "...Could you sleep with me tonight?" I glanced over to gauge his
reaction and it looked like he was biting his lip to keep a grin off his face.
"Of course!" He couldn't keep the excitement from his voice.
"Great." I took a bite.
"I was wondering why, though....I mean I'm not going to change my mind but..."
He started to eat too. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.
"Uh....because....." I shrugged, trying to buy me more time. "....You
uh....Make me feel safe..." I ate more and hoped that I sounded bashful. He
didn't say anything for a while and I didn't dare look over at him. I didn't
want to know if he had caught my lie.
"I'm glad I do....That makes me happy...to hear, that is..."
I dared a glance and saw that he was smiling at me. I smiled and shoved him
playfully, "You're such a sap." I laughed quietly. Then I caught myself, I was
slipping, I swallowed harshly. No. This was not allowed. Not a reaction like
that, dammit. That was way too natural, I was getting too comfortable like
this. I was getting too comfortable with him. I looked down at my plate,
clenching me teeth together as I ate more.
Levi chuckled, "I'm a sucker for sweet stuff." Good, he didn't catch my mood
change and if he did he was nice enough not to call me out on it.
"So uh, do you ever leave the house?" The playful tone was gone, I was ready to
learn some real information.
"Nope, I don't want to...Not with you here. I don't know what I'd do if
something happened to you." He didn't need any time to think to give me that
answer. Was he anticipating my question? He gave me a small smile when he saw
the look on my face.....I wish I knew what I was showing him because I know on
the inside I felt sick.
"Then who does the shopping?" That sounded natural right?
"Erwin."
"....So, he has to stay here?" I stressed the word 'has'. I tried my best to
put on a little pout.
"Heh, it makes it easier....Why? Has he said anything else to you again? I'll
go talk to him again." He grew more serious as his sentence continued. But all
I could pay attention to was the fact that he said 'again'....Did he talk to
him after I said he made me uncomfortable?!
"Y-You what?" I tried to stay calm, but I was sure my eyes gave me away.
"I talked to him. I don't need him doing whatever the fuck he was doing." It
looked like he was going to say more, but instead he clenched his teeth
together. I swallowed, oh god. Erwin wasn't going to hurt me now, was he?!
That's it....I don't know what he was trying to accomplish by tattling on me,
but I would not be telling him that anymore. Unless I knew for a fact it would
help me in the long run.
“Levi! Why would you do that!?” I didn't mean for it to come out, I was yelling
at him like we were friends. And maybe my mind forgot about the situation and
who we were to one another.
“What the hell do you mean? If he was making you uncomfortable it needed to
stop.” Levi half hissed, “If he--”
“If he what!? Levi!? Tell me! He’s just going to make it worse! It’s not going
to get better!”
“Kid, you need to calm the fuck down….” He tried to make his voice sound
gentle, but I could still hear a little bit of the venom. “He isn't going to do
anything to you, I can promise you that.”
“Promise?! A fucking promise?! And what are you going to do if he does
anything!?”
“...I’ll give him what he deserves and if I need to I’ll kick him out…..And
once you’re comfortable or I feel you’re comfortable again I’ll let him back in
here. But, I won’t let him see you. Okay?” His glare was enough to stop me from
saying anything more, but I just couldn't keep my mouth closed.
“What if he touches me? What--”
“Eren.” He said my name so harshly it made me flinch. I knew he saw it because
he immediately softened his gaze before he continued. “If he ever touches you.
And I mean ever, I don’t care if he meant it in a friendly way or not, I can
promise you….You will never see him again.” There was something in his voice
that made me shiver, but it also made me believe him. I swallowed and waited
for my heart to calm down, I didn't even know that it was beating this fast.
“Okay….I’m sorry….” I didn't look at him, I couldn't.
“There isn't anything to be sorry for.” Levi ran a hand through my hair before
he grabbed our plates and stood up. “I’m going to go put these away. Then did
you want me to come back in here?”
“Yeah….” I didn't want to be alone, I guess in a way I was thankful that my
plan was moving along so smoothly...If I had to be alone in here I don’t know
what I would do. And it scared me to think that I might actually get as low as
to beg Levi to see me. When he left the room I went into my bathroom and looked
at myself in the mirror. I quickly looked away, I didn't want to look at myself
in here. I turned on the water until I had it at the right temperature and I
splashed it over my face. I grabbed a hand towel on the sink and dried off the
water droplets before going back into the main room where I flopped down onto
the mattress.
When Levi came in, I already had open one of the coloring books and the colored
pencils were spread out. I was coloring in the one with animals, it was better
than the princesses or cartoons. He had apologized before saying he wasn't sure
what to get when he picked them up, I of course said it was fine. “Are we going
to color today?” He smiled and sat down with me picking one of the books and
flipping open to a random page. It was of a girl with long hair and a slim
dress... Sometimes I hated that about him, he could go from treating me like an
equal to a child in a few minutes.
“For a little bit….I was hoping you could read to me too….”
“Sure, we’re about halfway through Catcher in the Rye, aren't we?” He was
coloring her hair when he asked.
“Yeah I think so.” I was finishing up the picture of the bear before flipping
to another page. It was a panda.
“How do you like the book so far?”
“It’s good...He’s really depressing though. I think someone just needs to talk
to him….” I said quietly.
“I think so too…” He matched my whisper, I felt like he was distracted. I
didn't want to ask what he was thinking about though. I just stayed quiet and
colored a few more pictures, occasionally I would ask what color to use or show
him what I did and he would show me his. I had to wonder if he actually liked
doing this. Coloring pictures and reading….I haven’t touched the puzzles yet,
they were all the really big ones.
“Okay, let’s read.” I sighed and closed my book after I finished my fifth
picture, I started to put the pencils away and Levi did the same. I wanted to
know why he kept me here, if all he wanted to do was color and read...Why
couldn't Erwin do that with him? But, whenever I got close to asking him, the
words wouldn't form. We were closer now and I knew he would tell me, all I had
to do was ask...But for some reason that was the hardest part. Maybe...I didn't
want to know, I was content like this. Not knowing….I was scared that if I
knew, then I wouldn't be able to see any good in him at all.
“I’m only going to read for a few hours until lunch okay? Then I can read more
afterwards.” He smiled and went over to where I kept everything. He put back
what we were using and grabbed the book before sitting back down beside of me.
He held up his arm, he wanted me to lean against him like I normally did. And I
did just that, I laid my head against his chest soaking in his scent. Wait,
Eren stop….I needed to stop this...But, at the same time I was done fighting
it. He was nice to me so….Maybe I should just enjoy it while it lasted.
But...The second I could leave I would take the opportunity.
“Deal.” I smiled and watched the words as he read, but we only got to read for
a few hours before we were stopped. There was a knock on my door, I swallowed
harshly and Levi put a bookmark in the book before putting it down and wrapping
his arms around me. It wasn't quite time to eat lunch, he would've kept reading
for at least another hour.
“Erwin?” Levi asked and the door opened with that bastard standing there. His
eyes widened slightly when he saw Levi was holding me. But, the thing that got
my attention the most was that he had a lot of bruises. A lot more than what he
did before….Did Levi do that when they were talking? I wasn't paying attention
to what they were saying, not until Erwin grabbed my attention.
“There’s someone at the door, you should talk to them.” What?! No….That means
he had to leave….
“Why can’t you?” Levi asked. Yeah, why couldn't the big wall talk to them?
“Because they asked to talk to you.” He crossed his arms, “Just go talk to him,
you can be away from….him….For two seconds.” Erwin glared over at me.
“Erwin.” Levi scolded, he started to gently move me and stand up. “I’ll be
right back Eren.” He smiled at me and walked past Erwin, but he didn't leave
the doorway. “Erwin, go somewhere else.” The venom was back in his voice and
with that he walked out of my sight. I looked up at Erwin, swallowing a couple
times, he wasn't leaving. Instead he walked inside the room and closed the
door. My eyes widened and I opened my mouth to shout for Levi, I didn't know
what else to do, but before his name even made it up my throat, Erwin was
cutting me off.
“Don’t.” He snapped and stepped a few steps closer. “Don’t you fucking dare
yell for him. We need to talk.” I felt like I was melting under his stare, I
had to look down. “I don’t know what the fuck you told Levi that I was doing to
you. But, you need to fucking stop it. I haven’t laid a single finger on you.”
I was about to argue and tell him that I didn't say anything, but instead I
didn't. I didn't want to talk and I didn't owe this fucker anything. I heard
him walk closer to me. I could see his feet on the floor in front of the
mattress, he was too close. Too close for me to relax.
“Leave…” I wanted to sound mad and intimidating, but instead my voice came out
broken.
Erwin let out a laugh, “Leave? You want me to leave? Eren you better watch
yourself, I don’t think you fully understand the situation that you’re in.”
I bit my lip to keep in a shiver, “Leave.” I tried again, this time it was a
little more stable.
“What did you tell Levi?” It was like I didn't say anything, either he wasn't
going to bother yelling at me, or the words never actually left my mouth.
“Levi…” I tried calling out, but it came out as barely a whisper.
“Don’t you fucking dare yell for him, Eren.” I looked up at him, it looked like
he wanted to hit me. But, knowing what Levi told me….That just made me feel
like I was actually the one with the power.
“Levi…!” I called a little louder, I was going to get my confidence around him.
I needed to do this, I needed to show myself that he wasn't going to scare me
anymore.
“You’re going to regret this.” His mouth was a thin line and he honestly looked
like he could kill me, “Just tell me what you told him.” He snapped.
“Levi!” I yelled this time, I knew he would hear me. Within moments the door
was opened and Levi was standing there. But, seeing his expression made me
regret calling for him. he looked like a completely different person, where did
that nice, sweet guy go? The man that now stood in his place was the complete
opposite. He looked like he just got back from killing twenty people and that
he was lusting for more blood. I swallowed and bit my lip, thankful that his
glare wasn't on me. And praying that it never would be.
“Get the fuck out of here, Erwin!” Levi yelled through clenched teeth, it was
like I wasn't even in the room. Erwin was the only one that noticed I was still
there because he sent me a quick glare before walking towards Levi.
“Levi...I didn't touch him, I didn't do anything.” He was trying to reason with
him, but I could tell Levi didn't want to hear any of it.
“Fucking go!” Levi grabbed Erwin’s arm and led him out. Erwin pulled my door
closed on his way past it. I could hear things being thrown and Levi was
yelling. I wasn't sure what he was yelling, the walls were muffling the noise,
but I think he was just telling him to leave. And Erwin kept trying to calm him
down.
I brought my knees up to my chest and held my hands over my ears. What did I
do? Was that really the best thing? I...I didn't want to see Levi after that. I
don’t think I would feel safe with him anymore. That was honestly the most
terrifying thing I've ever seen. Was that really the same guy that was just
holding me? It couldn't be...He had to of been his twin or something. Eren stop
being ridiculous, I scolded myself. That was Levi….That crazy, evil, terrifying
man was Levi. I don’t know how long I was like that, just trying to ignore what
was happening and convince myself that Levi wasn't as nice as I thought he was.
I didn't hear the door open, but I felt arms wrap around me. I jumped and tried
to get away, “Get off! Get off!” My voice came out broke, like I was some
small, vulnerable animal.
“Shhh...It’s just me….” Levi’s soothing voice whispered into my ear. My body
and my brain were reacting in two different ways. My body relaxed and fell into
his touch, while my brain was yelled and screaming. “I’m sorry you had to see
that...Erwin knew I didn't want him around you. Then when you yelled for me I
thought of the worst things that could have happened to you….” He held me
tighter, “I was afraid something happened and I let my emotions get the best of
me, I’m sorry.” He kissed my head and I closed my eyes. See? So, he isn't
completely evil...He was just...worried about me… “Eren...Say something,
please…”
“....” There were a lot of thoughts in my mind, all of them were fighting to
become words.
“Eren…” He was begging now, I needed to calm his nerves like he did mine.
“Thank you….” I whispered, I didn't know why I said that. I didn't know what I
was thanking him for...Protecting me? Making me feel more relaxed, even if my
brain still wasn't trusting it? Or for making my plan work out?
“I told you….I don’t want anything to happen to you….”
He held me for a long time after that. We were silent, just enjoying the
company. After he finally realized that I was still here and nothing was wrong,
he let go and the day went on like normal. We ate lunch and he read more to me
like he promised. We actually ended up finishing the book before dinner. I
asked for chicken nuggets and fries, I didn't want anything that was going to
take long to make. I didn't want to be alone that long, and this time it wasn't
just because I would go crazy staring at the clock. I didn't want to give
myself any time to think about what happened today. I didn't want to talk
myself into believing how bad Levi was. I just...I needed to see that good in
him still. Even if he didn't have a lot of it in him, I needed to focus on
that. If not I would chicken out and I would have nothing to work for.
And not just that...But, I would actually be alone. I mean, I know...I’m alone
here. But, at least this way I have someone to talk to, to trust even if it is
just a little bit. I have someone here for me, I wouldn't be able to make it
through this without him. Yeah, in the end I was going to use this relationship
we’re developing against him, but for now it helped keep me sane. Just like how
long I've been in here, that number meant just as much as having him here, did.
Especially after what happened with Erwin, especially if he comes back because
thinking back to it...When I yelled out for Levi….When I really shouted for
him…..I had a smile on my face. It was a small one, but if Erwin noticed it...I
didn't even want to think about what he was going to do. I was just going to
have to hope that Levi wouldn't let anything happen. I was trusting my safety
to someone that couldn't be trusted….But if that were the case, why was I
starting to feel so calm around him? Maybe even happy? Fuck it...I deserved
this, I deserved to at least be a little happy while I was here, until I got to
leave. I didn't know how long I was going to be a victim in this game, so I
needed to make the best of it, especially if Erwin was going to be gone for a
while.
***** Day 10 *****
Chapter Notes
     This chapter is a tad shorter than the other ones, I apologize. And
     I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling errors, I've been pretty busy
     with school and everything, but because I love you guys I ended up
     writing this chapter in two days ^^; I hope you guys enjoy it! I know
     a lot of you are really curious about Erwin, so I tried to put in a
     little about him ;)
     Anyways, thank you all for all of the kudos and the comments! I won't
     even lie, I really appreciate the support and without that I probably
     would've given up writing this xD
     But thanks again
     Enjoy~
Day 10
I closed my eyes as I leaned back and let the water wash the shampoo from my
hair. Since yesterday, Levi has let me bathe alone, I just have to tell him I
want to. Yesterday he stayed in the main room during most of my shower, but he
was able to leave for a little bit. But, then he said he started to worry. Heh,
he’s scared of me getting hurt on everything. How am I supposed to get hurt
while showering?
He had to clean up the chains yesterday too. I bit my lip as I scrubbed my hair
with conditioner. It was getting kinda long….I wonder if he would cut it…. I
needed a haircut before I got here, it was getting shaggy...I hummed to myself
as I finished up my shower. I liked being able to do this...But honestly it was
difficult having to shower with these chains. Maybe Levi would let me take them
off? I entertained the thought until I turned off the water.
I dried off my hair the best I could with a towel and dried my body. I slipped
on my boxers, they were the only clothing item I had. Before I got in the
shower he took my cuffs off and removed my shirt and took my pants to wash
them. The boxers were new, but I guess he hadn't bought any shirts or pants.
Levi told me he wasn't sure what size to get and was lucky when the boxers fit,
so I have to wait for the laundry to get done. I was a little nervous going out
there half naked, after that day….With Erwin….I've been a little scared of
upsetting him or getting onto his bad side. I never wanted to see him like--
I shook my head, I didn't need to think about that. But, Erwin hadn't been back
yet, does that mean he's gone for good?
I let my hand rest on the doorknob. The door was cracked, he didn't want it
closed all the way. He was just worried about me, because….Levi was….what was
he? Could I….Could I actually call him a….No. I bit my lip hard enough to bring
me out of my thoughts. I couldn't go there, I couldn't think of him that way…..
I took a deep breath and smiled as I opened the door. “I’m all clean.” I walked
over to him and sat beside him. I made sure there was at least a few inches
between the two of us. “Do you like taking showers in the evening?” Levi asked
me, it was only five.
“I wouldn't really consider this the evening, but yeah….Sometime between now
and like nine.”
“I normally take mine in the morning.” Levi moved a little closer, it was one
of those things you wouldn't notice unless you were really looking for it.
“Say, Eren, are you ticklish?”
My eyes widened and out of habit I wrapped my arms around my waist. “...N-No…”
I tried to lie. The corners of his lips twitched up in amusement and he raised
one of his eyebrows.
“Oh really?” He moved a little closer, which made me move away. He didn't let
me move any further away before he grabbed me and pulled me closer. Damn, he
was strong. Levi wrenched my arms away from my sides and before I had a chance
to move them back, his hands had taken mine’s place. He started to move his
fingers in a way that caused me to fold in on myself. I was practically a ball
and I couldn't hold in my laughs.
“S-Stop!” I said breathlessly, in between giggles after a few moments. This was
torture. Oh god….I couldn't take this.
“But you’re laughing.” I could hear a smile in his voice and he continued,
tears welled up in my eyes from laughing so hard. I was having trouble catching
my breath, I might have looked like I was having a grand old time, but honestly
I hated every second of this. Whoever invented tickling...If I could, I would
go back in time and kill them.
“I-It hurts!” I was still doing that stupid out of breath laugh, trying to move
his hands away. My sides really were starting to feel sore. “S-Stop! Please!”
After that he let go instantly.
“I’m sorry.” But, I knew he wasn't. No one ever is really sorry for tickling
someone else. I rubbed at my sore sides and caught my breath before answering.
“No you aren't. No one is.” I tried to form a smile, but it only lasted for a
few moments. My cheeks hurt from all the laughing. I started to rub at my
cheeks.
“What’s wrong?” See? He didn't try to deny it.
“My cheeks are sore from laughing so much….” I tried to keep my voice neutral.
“Heh, that’s pretty cute.” I wasn't looking at him. “Your laugh is really cute
too.” I felt my cheeks heat up.
“Uh...Thanks I think…” I bit my lip. Eren? What the hell are you doing?
“Levi…?”
“Hmm?” Ask him. Ask him about Erwin.
“Well uh...I was just wondering….” I started and ran my hand through my hair.
“If you could uh--cut my hair?” I got out quickly, damn. Of course I would
chicken out.
“Oh….It is getting pretty long isn't it? Well, I can trim it for you….I can’t
really do anything special.”
“Ah! No! That’s fine….It’s just getting bothersome….” I looked down.
“...Is that really what you wanted to ask?” I watched him stand up.
“...Yeah.” I smiled at him and that seemed like enough to convince him because
he left the room after that. Its been nice with it being just the two of us, I
will admit that. I haven’t been on edge as much, its been easier to relax. And
well, after he left I've been letting Levi sleep in my bed with me. That first
night was hard though. I was kinda scared he would--Eren stop. I really needed
to stop thinking about that night. I can’t make myself scared of him, if I’m
scared of Levi….Who would I have left? I bit my lip and closed my eyes while
leaning against the wall. That’s when a familiar figure came to mind. Armin.
How could I forget about Armin?
I had other people….I just...Needed to get out of here and I would see him
again. And everyone….I blew out my breath, why was this so difficult? Well,
let’s think about everything I've been through….Why would it be easy? I shook
my head and opened my eyes, time to focus on the present and the future. Levi
came back in with a pair of scissors and a towel. He didn't say anything as he
got down on his knees and wrapped the towel around my shoulders. He then got
back up to drag in a chair from what looks like the dining table. “Sit here.”
He smiled and I did as I was told. “Okay, so I’ll trim it up and then show you
and you can tell me how you like it.”
“Sounds good.” I nodded and let him play around with my hair for a few minutes.
Then he left again only to return with a small mirror and a squirt bottle
filled with water. I heard him put something on the floor and I started feeling
water getting sprayed onto my hair. So, I guess he put the mirror on the floor.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling. My hair wasn't soaked or anything, just
lightly wet before he started the first few cuts. He seemed hesitant at first,
but after a few more it felt like he grew more confident.
Then the thought occurred to me. Why was I trusting him so close to my neck
with a pair of scissors? He isn't going to hurt me...I just I know he won’t.
I...trust him in that way. “...Levi? How...Uh….How long were you planning on
keeping me here?” I whispered, okay so maybe it wasn't the smartest idea to ask
that while getting a haircut.
He didn't answer, or at least I thought he wasn't going to. “....Don’t you like
being here?” He answered my question with another question.
“Uh...I mean….” I swallowed, what did I mean? I didn't really think about
it...I've been too focused on trying to get out of here. And staying on Levi’s
good side that I haven’t really even considered how I felt about being here.
“Well, it’s uh….It’s nice….”
“Nice?”
“I mean….You’re uh...You’re nice to me….But...I do miss uh….” I stopped
talking. What if Levi decided to kidnap…..kidnap….Right...that was the
situation I was in….I felt my face go pale, I didn't want Levi to take my
family or Armin.
“You miss who?”
“....You uh….Can you promise me something?” I asked him cautiously.
“Sure.” He snipped a few more pieces of my hair.
“...You swear not to uh...Take them too just because I miss them, right?” He
didn't move after that and it sounded like he put the scissors down. I listened
to his footsteps, it sounded like he was walking in front of me, I didn't
realize I had my eyes closed until I opened them and he was right in front of
me. I jumped a little and hoped he didn't notice.
“Eren….I would never take them, okay? Is that what you think I did to you,
Eren? That I took you?” He looked hurt and I wanted to make him feel better.
But isn't that….He did, didn't he? Or...No no….He did.
“I uh….” I bit my lip and looked at my lap, “...Isn't that what--” He didn't
let me finish, he started talking over me.
“Eren….I didn't. I put you somewhere safe and now I’m taking care of you,
right?” He tapped my chin and I looked up at him.
“What was so dangerous about where I lived before?”
“Anyone could have taken you there. You could have been killed or raped or
worse. But now that won’t happen.” He spoke in a gentle voice, “Don’t you
agree?”
“Yeah…” I said before I even thought about it, “But you….”
“Eren, I’m offended that you would think that I would do either one to you. I
would never. You should know better.” He smiled and placed his hand on my
cheek, I couldn't help but lean into it.
“I know...I’m sorry….” I told him and I think I actually meant it.
“Now let me trim up those bangs and you’ll be done.” He smiled and I sat up
straight as he got the scissors again and I closed my eyes. When he was done I
opened them and he held the mirror in front of me. “Is this good?”
I smiled, “Yeah, they’re fine.”
“Let’s go into the bathroom so you can see the back.” And I did just that. The
length was fine.
“Levi? When my hair gets long like that again...Can you maybe….Cut it again?”
“Of course.” He smiled, “It was actually pretty fun.” I sat down on my bed as I
watched Levi clean everything up, he brought in the vacuum to suck up the hair
that was on the floor. He sat down with me after he put that away. “Did you
want me to read to you before we have a snack?” He ruffled my hair.
“Yeah.” I smiled and waited for him to get a book, I started to fiddle with my
shirt. I needed to ask. I needed to have this conversation. “Actually, can I
ask you something?”
“Yeah…”
“It’s about Erwin…” I started.
“Eren….Let’s not talk about him, okay? It’s just us. Let’s just not think about
him right now.” He opened the book and I was looking down, it took me forever
to finally say that much and now I was being denied the topic altogether? How
the fuck was that fair? And why didn't he want to talk about him? Was he hiding
something? No...He wouldn't, would he? He looked over at me, I could feel his
eyes clawing at my skin. “Eren….Please don’t look so upset. You can ask me
whatever you want about him later okay? Just not right now….” Later? How much
later was he talking about?
“Tonight…?” I tried to sound demanding, but it came out like a question. He
sighed and stayed quiet for a while, I thought we sat like that forever, but in
reality it was probably less than a minute.
“Sure….Okay fine….But, after our snack okay?”
“Okay.” I agreed, I knew that was the best I was going to get. So, I leaned
into him and I listened to him read to me. The book was about this chick that
ran away and the boy was trying to find her. I know, it sounds stupid, but it
was actually pretty good. Of course, as soon as it was picking up, Levi put the
bookmark into the book and closed it. “Levi...Why did you have to stop there?”
I asked.
“Heh, we’re gonna get you a snack and...If you want I can read more…”
“Weren't we going to talk after the snack?” I asked, he was trying to get me to
forget. Seriously, why didn't he want to talk about this man?!
“Right….Then I guess I’ll just read to you tomorrow...Unless you would rather
listen to the book?” He was trying to bribe me now, wasn't he?
“Levi...This is important to me….” I said quietly and played with one of the
chains.
“Okay okay...Fine….” He put the book back and stood in front of me, “Do you
like ice cream?”
“What!? Of course I do!” I hated how my whole face lit up at that.
“Perfect.” Levi laughed, “I’ll be back with some.” I always hated watching him
leave the room, I was getting used to him being in here. It was to the point
where I didn't even realize how lonely and cold it was until he left. It was
just….Too quiet. I bounced my foot up and down, trying to keep myself busy
while I waited for Levi to come back in. I was going to get to that whole Erwin
thing and I was going to find out what he was hiding.
But what exactly did I want to ask? Did I want to know their relationship or
when he was coming back--if he was coming back? What if he cut me off and I
didn't get to ask everything? He came back in with two bowls of chocolate ice
cream, the one with chocolate syrup he gave to me. I smiled and took a bite
while he sat down. "So...uh, what is your guys--"
"After the snack." He glanced over at me and I sighed. Jesus. What did it
matter?! He was seriously pissing me off. So, I didn't talk to him while I ate.
"Did you have fun today?" Levi asked me and I didn't answer, I didn't even look
at him. "Eren, why are you ignoring me?" I still didn't say anything. "Is it
really because I don't want to talk about it right now?"
I finished my ice cream and put the bowl on the floor, "Can we talk now?" He
sighed and took a few more bites before putting his bowl inside of mine.
"Yeah, okay, what do you want to know?"
"What's your relationship with him?"
"Eren...Why do you want to know that? Does it really matter?" He sounded
annoyed, "Because if that's all then I'll just read to you some more."
That was enough to make me show my anger, "Levi! I want to know this, dammit!
Please! Just fucking tell me! What?! Are you two married or something?!"
He blew air out through his nose, "No, we aren't married."
"Then what the hell are you?!"
"...Eren calm down, or this conversation will be over."
I bit my lip to hold in my voice, I needed to talk about this. "...Okay. I'm
okay...."
"We're friends, Eren. That's all." Levi said, but he wasn't looking at me. Was
he lying to me? Should I press it?
"And when is he coming back?"
He pulled me into him, I was laying on his chest now. "Hey, your clothes should
be done. Let's get you dressed and I'll read some more." He let go of me and
stood up, taking the bowls with him.
"Levi." I glared up at him.
"Enough, we don't need to talk about this anymore." I didn't have a chance to
argue before he left. He left me alone. I didn't know whether I was pissed at
him or just upset.
So they were friends? And that's all? If that was really all then why didn't he
want to tell me to begin with? Maybe he was embarrassed by their friendship? Or
since he knew how I felt about him, he didn't want to admit that they were?
Could that be it? Could it really be that simple? That innocent? I was playing
with my hair, waiting for him to get back. He was taking a long time...
After twenty horribly slow minutes he was finally back in my room. And lucky
me, my clothes were warm. He removed my cuffs and I started to rub my wrists.
"Do I have them too tight?"
"No, it's just....I don't know why I do it." I kinda laughed then as he was
putting them back on me I could have killed myself. Twice now he has taken them
off of me. I could have ran for it. No....Eren, you know he's a lot stronger
than you. It wouldn't have worked and who knows what Levi would've done then.
But just now, I could have said they were too tight, so they would be loose
enough to slip out of. Damn I suck, why did I have to think of these things
after?!
I almost felt like I was going to cry. Eren....calm down, you're going to get
out of here. The time needs to be just right though.
After I was dressed and warm, we sat under the blanket together and he read a
little more to me. I was going to drop the whole Erwin thing, at least for a
little bit. Just a few days until I felt he wasn't annoyed anymore. Then I
needed to find out when he was coming back. Why didn't Levi want to tell me?
But I mean, we aren't dating or anything....and he's the....I swallowed, he did
kidnap me. So he didn't owe me anything, but....he is being nice and keeping me
alive. He hasn't hurt me or anything....
I tried to push the thoughts away, I needed to focus on this book before I
didn't know what was going on anymore. I kept my mind quiet as he read two more
chapters before he closed the book. I glanced at the time. 10:30. Normally we
stayed up anywhere from eleven to midnight.
"You're done reading?" I asked when he didn't say anything. And he still
didn't. Was he mad about something? What was he thinking about?
"Eren?"
"Yeah?" I asked and I was starting to realize how much I was starting to care.
I can't do this. I can't. But, he deserved some of this right? I mean....he
isn't hurting me? And obviously he hasn't killed me. I mean....I can at least
be nice to him and besides I didn't need him to hate me.
"Erwin is coming back tomorrow."
***** Day 11 *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm very sorry that this is a bit late!! I didn't really have any
     inspiration for how I wanted this chapter to go. But I got some a few
     hours ago xD I got this all typed up for you guys :D I'm sorry it's a
     bit shorter than the other ones. But, I hope what's in it makes up
     for it :)
     Thank you everyone who reads this :) And thanks for all the comments
     and kudos <3 I love you guys!
     Enjoy~
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Day 11
I woke up early the next morning, well, I hardly slept. I was tossing and
turning all night, my thoughts were occupied by Erwin. He was coming back and
today was that day. In retrospect I shouldn't be that scared, he’s never
actually done anything to me. But, maybe that’s what caused me to be more
scared, in a way. I know he could do something and he hasn't proved that he
wouldn't unlike Levi. I was chewing on my lip trying to figure out what was
going to happen and that’s impossible when I don’t know the guy. I can’t
predict what he might do or say. “Eren...It’s going to be fine...He’s not going
to come in here.” Levi spoke up and I honestly forgot he was in the room. I
didn't say anything in response though, I didn't want to talk about this, not
with him anyways. I knew I should, but I already had an idea on what he would
tell me. I wanted to change the topic. But to what? I could ask to
shower….We've already had breakfast so he wouldn't make me wait. And
maybe...Yeah….
“Levi? Can I uh….Can I shower without the chains on?” I was still looking at
the same spot on the floor, the one I've been looking at all morning. He didn't
say anything for a while and I was about to ask again or even look up at him.
“Well…..” He paused, “If you do then I want to be in there….” He said slowly,
maybe he was debating everything that could go wrong with this. I let a small
smile touch my lips, did he honestly think I would try to leave right now? I
wouldn't...I couldn't leave him like this. Not when Erwin was coming back, I
didn't want to leave him with that bastard.
“Okay….That’s fine.” I told him and finally looked over at him. I held out my
wrists and watched as he dug the key from his pocket and released me. I glanced
over at the door to leave the room while rubbing my wrists and I saw how Levi
stiffened. He didn't trust me, did he? I slowly stood and went into the
bathroom to undress. He didn't come in until I had started the water.
“I could give you a bath instead.” Levi offered.
“A bath?” I asked myself, that didn't sound that bad and I could trust him,
right? Of course. He wasn't going to drown me or anything. “Yeah, okay.” I
smiled and plugged up the drain, I was glad I still had a towel wrapped around
my waist. He wasn't going to touch me was he? God Eren stop it…. I was scolding
myself, he wasn't done it yet so he wasn't going to do it now….Unless he was
just waiting for the right time? I bit my lip, watching as the water was
filling up. No...He wouldn't, Levi wasn't that kind of man. He wouldn't do
that, not today, with Erwin coming back and not ever.
I turned off the water and removed my towel before stepping into the nice warm
water. I let it warm me up. It moved gently over my skin and around my sides,
like I was being caressed. I leaned back and laid my head down, the water
giving my hair gently strokes. I closed my eyes and sunk into the water more,
letting it give me soft kisses on my cheeks.
Baths were a lot different than showers. In a shower you had the hard water
shooting down on you. Starting from your head and flowing to your feet. There
was no relaxing, the water was there and gone in a matter of seconds. In a bath
you let the water gently move over your skin, relaxing you, begging you to
drift off to sleep. It took the worries away. I almost forgot where I was and
who I was with until he spoke to me. “Sit up so I can wash your hair.” I opened
my eyes slowly, I didn't want that relaxation to end. But I did as I was told
and sat up. He had his sleeves rolled up and grabbed a plastic cup, I didn't
know he brought. He put it into the water at me side and poured the water into
my hair. Levi was careful not to get any into my eyes. He did that a few times
before going onto the shampoo. While he was making sure it touched every inch
of my hair, I closed my eyes. “Does it feel good?”
“Yeah….” I said quietly...blissfully. I could tell he was smiling, but a little
later he removed his hands, and got the soap off in the water. He grabbed the
cup and did what he did before. He then repeated everything, but this time with
conditioner. Maybe this is something that I could get used to. Having him bath
me every now and then, I wouldn't mind that.
No….I’d rather leave though….I don’t want him to have to be alone with Erwin,
but I want to be with Armin and my parents. I missed them. I was chewing on my
lip, I couldn't think about them, not now. I needed to keep myself together and
stay on my toes today. I couldn't let anything distract me.
I let out a breath and focused on Levi’s touches. “What’s wrong, kid?” He asked
after he got the soap out of my hair.
“Nothing…”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“...” I took a breath, “I just….I miss everyone….And….” I couldn't say it, I
didn't want to say it. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. And I didn't want
anything bad to happen.
“And what?”
“It’s nothing.” I said quickly.
“Eren….It’s obvious something is bothering you.”
“Really it’s nothing. Let’s just go work on a puzzle for a little bit, okay?”
He stared at me for quite some time. It looked like he was studying me. I don’t
know what he saw while he was looking at me, but he finally gave in, “Okay…” I
picked out a random puzzle and we set it up on the floor. We had the boarder
done and some pieces put in their places on the inside. I….I wanted to talk to
Erwin. Levi was hiding something from me, something about the two of
them….Maybe Erwin could tell me….I didn't like the idea of talking to him, but
if Levi was in the room then I think I can make it. I didn't want to wait too
long with this, if I did I would never get around to talking to him. I took a
deep breath and tried not to think about it, I didn't want to cause myself to
panic. “Eren, tell me what’s wrong.” Levi was looking at me and I knew he could
see what was wrong. My chest was rising and falling at a much faster rate than
normal. My heart was thumping in my ears, could he hear it?
“It’s uh…” I started and looked up at him.
“It’s something, don’t tell me it isn't.” I knew I wasn't going to get around
this, and I didn't want to. I wanted to tell him, well, ask him. I needed to do
this. I didn't want there to be any way to get out of this conversation. I
didn't want an emergency escape route, these were words that needed to leave my
mouth and I felt that if I was ever going to be able to think about that time I
saw Levi get really angry, I was going to need to know this.
I wasn't exactly sure how knowing their relationship was going to help with
that. But, I felt that it would. It was just a gut feeling that I needed to go
with. “I uh...When Erwin…..When he gets here….I want to talk to him….”
“What?” Levi asked almost immediately. I hated that, I was expecting some sort
of delay. Anything really that would buy me more time to think of an answer. I
couldn't tell him the truth, he would find out when I asked. But, until then, I
wasn't prepared for him to hear my questions. I was afraid of what Levi might
tell me. I might not like what Levi had to say, or he might just brush me off
altogether like hes been doing.
“....I just….I want to talk to him…”
“I thought he scared you? Made you uncomfortable?”
“He does!” I tried to defend myself. I didn't want him to think I was lying.
“Then why the hell would you want to talk to him?”
“It’s just...It’s important to me…..You...I want you in the room too….” I hoped
that, that made it better.
“Eren, are you going to ask him about our relationship?”
“No.” I said without hesitation, man, was I really a liar? It just came so
naturally in these situations.
“Then what would you need to talk to him about?”
“I just want to make sure he doesn't hate me…” I chose the first thing that
came to mind.
“Why would that matter?” He snapped, “Why would it matter how much he likes
you?”
“I just….I don’t want him to hate me….It would make me feel better if I knew he
didn't.” I tried to explain. And thank god we heard the front door open, I
don’t think I could have survived anymore questions. Levi sighed and stood up
as he unwrinkled his shirt.
“I’ll be back….” He looked hesitant, almost like he was going to tell me
something. Was he about to tell me that I couldn't talk to Erwin? I think he
was, or at least he wanted to. But, it seemed like he didn't want to deny me of
something I really wanted. Other than leaving, but that was a different story
and besides in a way I guess he did kind of help me. I could be in a far worse
situation right now. It was bound to happen sometime, since I always walked
home so late. So, I should be thanking him...I should thank Levi for being the
one to take me. For not hurting me and giving me a place to stay and food and
water and everything….For keeping me alive.
I heard whispering. I couldn't make out what was being said for the life of me,
but they were obviously right in front of my door. I was about to move closer
to see if I could hear better, but the door opened. There stood Levi and Erwin,
side by side. Levi entered first then Erwin followed, his cold blue eyes never
leaving me.
“What did you want to ask?” Erwin asked, but he seemed tense.
“...Are you mad at me?” I asked slowly, his stare hardened. But, I saw him
glance at Levi and he took a deep breath.
“No.” That was all he said, there was no explanation. There was nothing, just a
simple one worded answer. And oddly enough, that one word left me a little
speechless. I was about to press the issue, and go on about how it would be
okay if he was since I did get him kicked out for a few days. But, then I
realized…Right Levi is in here. Maybe that’s why he wasn't saying anything
else? He looked beyond pissed and he did look at him before answering…..I held
my breath and I bit my tongue. What I was about to do….I might grow to regret
it this went badly. Was this something I was willing to risk? And I guess my
mouth decided it was before my brain even had a chance to think about it.
“Levi? Can you please leave….?” I didn't look at him. I didn't want to know if
he was mad or upset with me.
“Eren--”
“Levi really….I’ll be fine….Just let me talk to him…..” Levi made a noise of
disapproval, I wasn't quite sure whether it was a growl and a grunt.
“...Fine.” He crossed his arms. “I’m right outside this door, got it?” I wasn't
sure whether that warning was for me or Erwin.
“Got it.” I told him anyways and he nodded before leaving and closing the door.
I knew he’d be listening in and I didn't know if that put me at ease or
frightened me a little bit.
“Do you want to re-ask your question?” Erwin was the one to break the silence,
his voice was lower than before and he had taken a step away from the door.
So...He didn't want Levi to hear either?
“....Yeah….” I whispered. I’d play along, I’d stay quiet and have this
conversation. I’d ask anything I had to ask and I would try my best not to give
out too much information.
“Yeah. I’m pissed.”
I tensed up at his answer, I knew he would be and I wasn't him to be at the
very least. But, hearing them….Hearing that answer with that amount of venom
made it worse than anything I could have imagined. “Can I still ask you some
questions?” I bit my lip, if he turned me down now, I don’t think I’d get
another chance like this.
“.....” I could feel his eyes all over me and I heard him take another step
forward. I was staring at his shoes. I didn't want to look up at him, I didn't
want to feel smaller than what I already did. “What kind of questions?” There
was some curiosity in his voice.
“...About you and Levi.” I wasn't going to waste time thinking about how to
respond. I didn't know how long Levi would be okay waiting out there. So, this
is where I gave my mouth full control of this conversation. I knew what I
wanted to ask and this way I could find out what I wanted in less time.
“Oh?” I could no longer see his shoes, his knees had taken their place. I
finally allowed my eyes to travel up and meet his, now that we were almost eye
level. “Are you jealous?”
My eyes widened slightly, “Jealous? What would I have to be jealous about!?” I
silently cursed at myself for raising my voice.
Erwin snickered, “Hmm, I wonder.” He had a smug look on his face. I couldn't
stand it. What was he implying? Levi said that they were friends and that was
all. Was he? Did he actually lie to me?
“...Can you answer the question?”
“Have you asked Levi?”
“He said you two were friends.” I cut to the chase, I didn't have time for
these little games.
“Ouch...Well, okay then. We’re friends.”
“What? Then why would you say ‘ouch’? What’s going on?”
“It’s none of your business. Now, is that all you had to ask me?”
“No.” I said without thinking. I didn't actually have anything else to ask. Why
did I say that? Was I hoping if I kept him here longer that he would actually
tell me more? I was being naive.
“Then ask.” He no longer had any amusement in his voice. He didn't want to be
here talking to me and that was obvious. He almost seemed annoyed that I was
wasting his precious time.
“I…” I paused, oh god. Now what?
“Can I ask you questions instead?”
“What?”
“It’s only fair right? And it doesn't seem like you actually had anything else
to ask. Correct me if I’m wrong though.” I stayed silent. How could he tell?
Was it written on my face? Or was he just that good? “That’s what I thought.
Tell me what you think about this whole thing.”
“This whole thing….?” I questioned. “Levi is nice--” He held up his hand to cut
me off.
“That isn't what I meant. You were kidnapped and you seem to be taking this
okay. So why?”
“Kidnapped?” But Levi said…. “But, Levi said that he was…..He helped me.”
“Heh.” Erwin blew air from his nose and looked like he was about to laugh. “And
you believe that? Man, I didn't think you were honestly that stupid. Or maybe
this is some sick fantasy of yours? Getting locked up by some stranger and
what? You two fall in love? Eren, newsflash. It isn't going to work. You’re
lucky he’s nice enough not to kill you or hurt you. But, nothing is going to
grow out of it.”
My jaw was hanging open a little. Did I think that was going to happen? No. Of
course not...He….Erwin has this all wrong. “No...That….” I tried to argue, but
I wasn't sure what I was going to say.
“Eren, you were letting him hold you. Why else would you do that? You’re
starting to like him aren't you? You’re a perverted little boy and you’re
getting a crush on a man that’s been lying to you.”
“What? No! He isn't lying to me!” The door knob started to turn, “We’re fine
Levi!” I called before the door could open and for a few moments it was dead
silent.
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” I reassured him. The doorknob was back in it’s normal place and I
looked back at Erwin. “He isn't lying to me Erwin, and nothing is going on. I
know my situation…”
“Oh? Do you now? Because to me you two look like you’re having a sleepover
everyday.”
I was glaring up at him, my whisper was now low growls. “You don’t think I want
to leave? Because I do! I want to get out of here! I want to see my friends and
family! I miss them like crazy! I’d do anything to leave right now if I could!
But, that isn't going to happen! So, the least I can do is gain a relationship
with Levi!” I spat at him and I was boiling with anger. Jesus fucking Christ.
What the hell was wrong with him? How dare he accuse me of those things! Erwin
stood up, his knees popped on the way. He took a few steps back and had a ghost
of a smile on his lips.
“Oh? Is that so? So...You've been the one lying to him? It seems I had it mixed
up.” I swallowed and my face paled. What did I just do? He wasn't going to tell
him that was he? Who was I kidding? Of course he was going to tell him! Oh
Christ! I just dug my own fucking grave. I felt the tears forming and my throat
was on fire. I tried my best to keep my breathing calm and my food in my
stomach, it was begging to be released for a second showing. He opened the door
and Levi came in without a second thought, Erwin walked down the hall and Levi
rushed to my side.
“Are you okay? I told you, I should have stayed. Did he fucking do anything?”
“No...No….I just….Wasn't ready…” I lied, he could think I wasn't ready to talk
to him and maybe I wasn't. Not after what I just spilled. Levi wrapped his arms
around me and I accepted them. I had no clue how much longer this would last,
how much longer he would be nice to me. Not after he found out what I told
Erwin. I was so fucking dead. He would definitely kill me, right? Would he? The
tears spilled over and for the first time in a while I was feeling quite
terrified of being locked away in this room, in this house, god knows
where...With two strangers.
Chapter End Notes
     And I've been meaning to do this for a while now. But, Here is my DA:
     http://kbug546.deviantart.com/ In case any of you guys wanted to talk
     more or send me a note asking about something in this :) I'll be
     happy to answer, but I won't give away any spoilers~
     Or here's my tumblr: http://black-butler546.tumblr.com/
***** Day 15 *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm sorry that this chapter isn't very long! I'm going to try really
     hard on the next one to make that one longer! If it makes it any
     better something big is going to be happening in a few chapters! It's
     just the matter of getting there!
     Thanks to everyone for reading and the kudos and the comments and
     messages and such <3
Day 15
I've been tapping my foot on the floor for the past ten minutes. Levi left a
little bit ago to shower, he wasn't going to but I insisted that I was fine.
I've been trying my best over the past few days to get everything back to
normal. As normal as it can be anyways. I've been letting Levi read to me and
we’ll color or work on those stupid puzzles. We haven’t really talked though,
and that was okay with me. I didn't want to talk, I didn't want to accidentally
tell him what I had told Erwin. My words kept running through my mind.
“You don’t think I want to leave? Because I do! I want to get out of here! I
want to see my friends and family! I miss them like crazy! I’d do anything to
leave right now if I could! But, that isn't going to happen! So, the least I
can do is gain a relationship with Levi!”
I kept repeating the scene over and over again. My heart beat was getting
faster with each repeat of my syllables. My foot was tapping faster. Why did I
have to say the last part? I could have figured out how to lie to Levi, so he
wouldn't be upset. But, now….He’s going to think I’m using him--which I am….
Let me re-say that….He’s going to know I’m using him.
If he finds out--When he finds out. I wasn't going to help myself if I had this
wishful thinking. I knew he was going to find out. It was just a matter of
time. Erwin was going to tell him….Then...Then…..What? What was Levi going to
do? Would he let me out? Would he even believe Erwin? I let out all the air in
my lungs and closed my eyes. I needed to get out of here soon. He told me….a
few days ago? I don’t know. I don’t even remember the day number that he told
me this. I had been so occupied with what I was going to do and try to make
sure he didn't know, that the days were all running together….I scratched my
head. What day was it today? It was...I thought for a moment, fifteen. It’s
been about half a month...Half of a damn month. I bit my lip.
“If you’re good, then I’ll trust you to leave the room, okay? I’ll let you come
into the living room or my room or wherever you want with me.” Levi had told
me, smiling.
“But aren't I already good?”
“Yeah. Of course you are.” He messed with my hair, “I just don’t want you to
run off and get hurt.” He had explained and with that I had smiled. That was
enough for me at the time. We still had whatever relationship we had before.
So, why was I so scared now? I’ll ask him….I’ll ask him if I can leave the room
today. I’ll...I’ll be extra sweet, yeah...I’ll make him smile and everything. I
hated this, I wanted nothing more than to leave...But….I also didn't want to
leave him. I didn't want him to be hurt, would it….No I’m being ridiculous. Of
course there was no way in hell I could leave with him. The door opened up and
I thought it was Levi. I was wrong.
“What, Erwin?” I was getting too stressed out to worry about him. It was all
his fault I was like this anyways. Well, and my stupid big mouth.
“Someone’s in a bad mood.” Erwin closed the door and walked towards me.
“Why are you in here?”
“Can’t I just come to see how you are?”
I glared at him, “I know you aren't.” It was silent for a while. He wasn't
going to say anything and I couldn't handle the tension in the air. “....Did
you tell him?” I barely whispered.
“Tell him what?” He was smiling. He was actually fucking smiling. It was a
small one, but that was all I needed to know he was fucking with me.
“Erwin, you know exactly what I’m talking about.” I tried to hiss at him, but I
was getting frustrated and my voice broke. He opened his mouth to say something
else, but the door opened before he could. This time it was Levi. He was fully
dressed, but his hair was still damp.
“Erwin. Why are you in here?” He wasn't looking at me and part of me was
grateful. I was scared of what I might see in his eyes.
“We’re trying to become friends. Is that so bad? We don’t want to have a bad
relationship, it just makes things harder.” He explained and I would have
actually believed him, if I knew it wasn't complete bullshit.
“...Eren, is this true?”
I froze, all eyes were on me. I could get him in so much trouble right now. I
could call him out on his bullshit. I could make him eat his words. I could
make him hate me. I could make Levi hate him too. And that’s exactly what I was
going to do….Until I remembered that he had something over my head too.
“...Trying yeah.” I mumbled. That wasn't a lie was it? We were trying...Just
not at being friends. No, he could never be my friend...Instead we were trying
at tolerating one another.
“Fine.” Levi said after a while and crossed his arms. “You can go for now.” He
told Erwin and he took his leave, but not before flashing me a small smile.
Levi went over to sit next to me. “Eren, be honest...What was he doing in
here?” I swallowed. I wanted to tell him the truth, I really did. Anyone would
be able to see that, right?
“So, the least I can do is gain a relationship with Levi!”
I didn't want to hurt him and….He wouldn't find out would he? If he did Erwin
would get yelled at too….So...I think I’m safe. I should be anyways….But, what
kind of relationship would we have if I lied? ….I've been lying this whole
time, does it really matter now? When I got out of here I know I wasn't going
to see him again….
“He was…” I paused, I honestly had no clue why he was in there. He didn't tell
me and he never answered my question before Levi came in here. So…. “....I
think he was trying to be nice.” I told him, based on what Erwin told me.
Nothing else, if I thought about why I thought he was there, there would have
been no way I could have told Levi that. But, why did Erwin lie? So Levi
wouldn't get pissed? Or...Maybe I’m wrong all together. Maybe Erwin wasn't
lying. But...No...He had to of been.
“...I hope you’re not lying, I hate liars.” Levi’s cold eyes met mine. It took
everything I had not to look away. I couldn't speak either, so I nodded. I
wasn't lying was I? Wait...He’s never really doubted me before. Why was he
doubting me now? Did Erwin tell him? I hoped there wasn't any panic in my eyes.
If there was, Levi would see it. But, in his eyes he didn't give anything away.
Was he watching me to see if I’d say anything? Did he want me to say something?
Oh god….What if Erwin told him and he wanted me to own up to it? To say that I
said it. And...Explain myself. What if he wanted me to tell him that I didn't
mean what I said? That I was angry and it just came out? Was that it? Was that
what he wanted?
On the other hand….I didn't want to say anything if Erwin hadn't told
him….Dammit. I shouldn't feel this conflicted….I really shouldn't. Maybe I
could--Yes I would know if I…. “Levi?” I asked and looked down.
“Yeah?”
“So...Uh...Remember when you told me if I was good I could leave this room?”
“I remember.” That was all he said. Was he angry with me? Wait...I’m just
reading too far into this. He just answered my question.
“Well, uh….” I paused and took a breath to build up my confidence. “Do you
think I could…Do that today?”
“....” He was silent for a while. It was almost like he wasn't there at all.
Like...Like it was just me in this room. I glanced up at him to make sure that
wasn't the case. I couldn't help but sigh out my worries when he was still
there.
“I've...I've been really good lately.” I tried to talk him into it. “I've been
eating to stay healthy and I haven’t tried to leave or anything like that….”
“Trying to leave? So, is that something I should be worried about?” My eyes
widened slightly. Fuck.
“No...I mean...No….” I couldn't get my thoughts together.
“Really? Because if you weren't thinking about it, you wouldn't have mentioned
it….” He hummed. Fuck. I think he knows. He totally knows about what I told
Erwin and I’m just making it worse. I should just own up now. I should tell him
exactly what I said, to make sure Erwin didn't lie about some of it. I
should….What should I do? Maybe it’d be better if I lied and said Erwin just
made me mad so I said that? I could tell him that I didn't mean any of it….But,
I don’t want to lie to him. He hasn't lied to me….So...That just….It wouldn't
be right. I was about to start explaining, but he spoke before I could.
“Anyways, I just….I don’t think we should yet. I’ll let you soon, okay?” He
smiled and ruffled my hair. Should I still tell him? No...No lets not….I let
him wrap his arm around me and pull me into his chest. It was nice and
comforting. I smiled a little until Erwin’s words crept back into my
head…..Then I felt sick to my stomach and I had the urge to push Levi away.
“You were kidnapped and you seem to be taking this okay.”
***** Day 21 + 22 *****
Chapter Notes
     Ahhh I'm so sorry this is super late today! I was going to finish it
     up last night but I didn't feel good :( And honestly I was super
     excited to write this chapter! And I'm also soooo excited for the
     next one!~ One of the climax's are coming in the next one! :D And
     thank you guys for all the kudos and comments and just for reading
     this! I really hope you guys like this chapter and that it was worth
     the wait :) Enjoy~
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Day 21
It’s been a few days since what happened….I still haven’t been able to leave
the room yet. And Levi hasn’t read to me in a while, we finished Paper Towns.
But, we decided to take a break, we’re supposed to start The Book Thief soon
though... I’ve gotten bored with the puzzles...We’ve done all of them already
and we colored all the pictures. He offered to get more, but I don’t feel like
doing any of that. I know I should be pushing him away and whenever I think
about mine and Erwin’s conversation I always want to.
But, I just can’t be that mean. Yeah, I want to leave and all but….It’s not
like he’s treated me badly…. It just sucks. He hasn’t slept in my room for a
few days now, but that was because I asked him not to. Don’t get me wrong I
tried my best to….But on...Day….erm, what was it? Seventeen? I just couldn’t
take it and I asked him not to, but I think I’ll let him tonight….I’ve just
been getting really lonely. It’s horrible being locked in a room all day with
nothing to do and the only person who will visit you push away. So, for my
sanity, I’m going to ask Levi to hang out with me today. And….I also want to
try to get close to him again. I-I don’t miss him! I just….I need that
relationship, so he trusts me.
I looked up into the camera in the corner of the room and yelled for him. I
called his name a few times before the door opened and there he stood. I smiled
at him and that caused him to smile back. “You yelled?” Levi asked.
“Uh…” I bit my lip and looked away. What was I supposed to do? ‘Oh yeah….Well,
watch movies and stuff with me. I’m bored.’ No...I couldn’t, well...I could.
“What is it?” He seemed to grow a little impatient, I looked up at him and saw
a twinge of annoyance, but it was gone in a second.
“I’m uh….I’m bored.” I told him and that’s when he walked into my room and
closed the door. He came over to me and sat down beside me.
“And? Do you want me to go buy stuff to do?” But I knew he would send Erwin out
to buy things.
“No!” I said all too quickly, “I just….I want to hang out with you.” I tried to
cover up.
“Hang out?” He raised an eyebrow. “What will we be doing?”
“Could we watch movies or something?” I paused, “...And cuddle?” I whispered
and I knew he heard me because he smiled and wrapped an arm around me.
“Of course...Let me get my laptop and we can watch Netflix all day.” After that
he left to get the laptop and that’s exactly what we did. We watched some
comedies and I know I laughed a lot more than he did. We also watched some
horror movies, which made me jump and hide my eyes. I wasn’t sure what he
thought of them. But, I think he liked being able to hold me closer.
After we finished the first (there are seven) Saw movie, we decided to take a
break. We had already spent around six hours watching movies and it was already
four in the afternoon. “Looks like we missed lunch.” Levi said, “I’ll make a
big dinner okay?”
“Sounds good.” I smiled and watched as he put the laptop down and stood up. I
heard some of his joints pop as he stretched out. I, on the other hand, didn’t
feel like standing up. I just laid down across my bed and stretched out,
groaning quietly.
“Are you having fun with our movie date?”
“Heh,” I smiled as I sat up, “It’s a date?” I don’t know why it was so easy to
forget myself with him. Why was it so easy to slip into this….whatever it was.
“Not if--” He started, but I quickly held up my hand and spoke to cut him off.
“No. It’s uh….It can be a date.” I told him quickly. We weren’t dating and we
wouldn’t….It just...That would be sick, just like Erwin said…. I chewed on my
lip.
“Now, I really have to make a good dinner.” He smirked, “Do you want it to be a
surprise?”
“Yeah, I trust you won’t poison me.” I chuckled to show I was joking. He didn’t
really react to that. Oh god...Did I piss him off? Should I not of said that?
“After dinner I’ll bring in some snacks, since I don’t know how long we’ll be
up.” He told me and walked out of the room…..He never...he never denied the
poison. I let out a shaky breath. He wouldn’t though, right? Levi...He
wouldn’t…. I slapped my palms to my cheeks. I needed to cut this out. He didn’t
know about what I told Erwin and he wasn’t going to kill me. He….I know he
wouldn’t.
If he was going to he would’ve by now. But….He wouldn’t have had a reason to
before….But, I mean...If he knew he would tell me, right? Then again why would
he tell me? Wouldn’t it be weirder if he did tell me? I slapped my cheeks a few
more times and blew out some air before covering up. I couldn’t think like
that. If I did he would know something was up and I’ve been able to hide it
this long…. Plus he’s probably already suspecting stuff since I’ve been pushing
him away…
This really….This sucked…..I just…..I pulled up my legs to my chest and put my
head down on my knees. I felt like crying. Everything was getting fucked up and
it’s all because I had a big mouth. I didn’t want to hurt Levi, I really
didn’t. Not since he has been pretty nice to me. But, I’m scared that hurting
him is the only way I’m going to be able to leave….
I guess I was like that for a while because he ended up opening the door, his
voice is what scared me. “Why are you moping around?” ….That wasn’t his voice.
I raised my head and looked up, luckily I wasn’t crying. “You’re watching
movies all day, why are you so upset?”
“Erwin, go away….” I told him, I wasn’t in the mood.
“Oh...Are you scared I told him?” Erwin raised an eyebrow.
“...So, you didn’t?” I hated myself, anyone could hear the hope in my voice.
“I never said that.”
“Then what the fuck are you saying!?” I gritted my teeth. I had enough of this
game.
“I guess you’ll just have to find out, won’t you?” After that he left. I didn’t
have time to say anything else. I didn’t have time to throw anything or even
shoot him a glare. He was gone. Around that corner he went...Into the unknown.
Into the rest of this house that I’ve never seen and probably never will at
this rate.
“Fuck!” I screamed and threw one of my pillows across the room and let it smack
into the fall. It didn’t really make a noise though and that did nothing to get
my frustrations out. I wanted to throw more things, something heavier. Or maybe
I wanted to hit something. I didn’t fucking care, I just needed to get this out
of me. But before I even got the chance to Levi ran in, he had a spoon in his
hand.
“What happened!?”
“Nothing!” I didn’t mean to yell at him, but I was pissed. I took one of my
shoes that were close by and threw it across the room.
“Are you seriously doing that again!?” Levi shot me a look.
“I just!” I took a deep breath, “Fuck! I’m sorry….I….I don’t know what
happened….” Levi walked over to me and lifted my chin so we made eye contact.
“What’s bothering you?”
“N-Nothing….” I tried my best not to move my eyes away. Levi sighed and let go
of my chin.
“....Okay.” There was something about him, something in his body language. It
was almost like he was begging me to tell him something. But what? “I’m making
chicken, mashed potatoes and some vegetables. Sound good?” He sounded oddly
monotone. Maybe he was just hungry and tired….
“Yeah, that sounds good. Especially if you’re making it.” I smiled, I wanted to
get rid of whatever tension was in the air. He gave me a small smile back
before leaving. He took his sweet smell away along with his comforting
presence...But in his place he left the uncomfortable tension.
Did I do something wrong? Fuck...I think he knows….But...No he couldn’t. Dammit
it, I’m over thinking what Erwin has been saying and he’s just acting weird,
that’s all it is. Really, if I believe that, then it’ll turn out to be true,
right? Isn't that how that works? I rubbed at my eyes. And for the longest time
no one else came into my room. I couldn’t even hear anything, so unless they
were whispering and I couldn’t hear through the door….It was almost like I was
all alone. That’s a pretty scary thought all in its own. But, before I could
even let those types of thoughts take over my door opened again and Levi came
in with two plates. He handed me mine and sat his down on the bed gently.
Before I could say a simple thanks, he was gone again. This time he came back
with drinks, bottles of water. “Water?” I asked.
“It’s healthy for you.” He told me and pinched my cheek after he got sat down
and his plate on his lap.
“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.” We started eating.
After we ate dinner, he took the dishes and empty bottles back out into the
unknown. He washed the dishes and when he came back he had a few more bottles
of water which he put on the floor. Then left to return with a bunch of snacks.
He brought Oreos and other cookies. He also had some candies, “Don’t rot your
teeth out, or this won’t happen again.” He paused, “And you better brush your
teeth before bed tonight.”
I smiled widely, “Yeah yeah.”
“Eren, I’m serious.”
“Okay...Yeah, I’ll brush them. Promise.” I smiled and grabbed a little piece of
chocolate. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me back into his chest. So, I
was in a position of half laying and sitting, it was actually pretty
comfortable. Levi had the laptop on his lap again and we picked out some more
movies to watch.
-Day 22-
We also watched some romance movies, which Levi got a lot more into. He
commented on a lot of scenes, telling me that certain characters were stupid or
that all they had to do was talk to each other. He got frustrated with a lot of
them and he teared up on some parts, I thought he would cry, but he didn’t. I
also thought it was kind of cute how into the romance movies he was getting.
“You have a soft spot for romances, don’t you?” I asked him after the second
movie was over.
“Heh, of course not.” He rolled his eyes and put his laptop down.
“Really?” I sat up away from his chest, “You were really getting into those
movies! You almost cried and you...You love them!” I accused him.
“You really think I love them?”
“Yes!” I couldn’t help but to smile, did I win the little argument?
“And what if I admit that I like romance? At least a little?”
I glanced at the clock, it was two in the morning. “I’d call you a liar.”
“A liar!?”
“Yeah, because it’s obvious you love romance!” I put emphasis on the word
‘love’.
“Heh, fine...Could I show you how much I love romance then?”
“How would you do that?” I asked and he leaned towards me. My heart started
racing and I was suddenly having trouble swallowing. Was he about to do what I
thought he was going to? And...If so….Wasn’t I supposed to stop him? That’s
what I agreed to do in the beginning of this….I told myself, I would never let
him touch me like that. Never. I said I would let him touch my hair and that
was it, right? But, isn’t it a little too late for that?
“Like this….” He whispered and leaned even closer. Before I had a chance to
even think about what I wanted to do his lips were on mine. His hands were on
my back and he was pulling me closer, our sweet little kiss with just our lips
touching was turning into a make-out session. And yes….Yes, I was kissing back.
I couldn’t believe myself, I really couldn’t. How could I do this with
him...But, maybe it’s because it was him that I did.
I let one of my hands rest on his back and the other run up through his hair. I
felt his tongue brush against my lower lip, I didn’t want this kiss to deepen
any further, I had no idea how far this would go. But, I accidentally gasped.
The sensation of his tongue made my lip tingle and I couldn’t help it. Levi on
the other hand took that as an invitation and quickly swirled his tongue
inside. I had no idea exactly what he was doing. But, the pleasure and
sensations inside of my mouth was almost unbearable. He was exploring my mouth
like it was some undiscovered land. I felt him glide along the inside of my
cheeks and the roof of my mouth before he settled on going around my tongue. I
tried my best to keep pace with him, but he was too experienced for me. I
moaned into his mouth and tried my best to move closer. I wasn’t quite sure how
tightly I was holding onto his hair, but he didn’t seem to mind.
His tongue was flicking across mine and I about lost it. I moaned again, this
time trying to pull him closer. My blood was rushing, mostly down to my member
and I wasn’t thinking right anymore. I ended up pulling him too hard because I
fell back with him on top of me. Levi pulled away gently, a trail of saliva was
still connecting us. It looked like he was going to ask for permission to go
further, but he didn’t. So maybe he wasn’t altogether, or he saw something in
my eyes that told him he could continue?
I was going to ask him what he was doing, since he was just staring down at me.
But, before I had the chance he ran his hands up my shirt, pushing it up as he
went. I gasped at his touch, his hands running up my sides. My body was on fire
and the only thing that brought me back to reality was the slight jingle of my
chains. I didn’t have enough time to fully think things over, he dug his nails
into my sides and ran them back down. Earning a loud moan and hip thrust from
me. “L-Levi!” I moaned out, my voice was shaking.
“Eren, you’re so beautiful...Just like I imagined.” Under normal circumstances
I would’ve found that concerning, but right now I took it was a compliment.
Levi didn’t do much talking after that. He leaned down and kissed my chest
before swirling his tongue around my nipple and sucking. I couldn’t contain my
moans and I forgot we weren’t the only ones in the house. I had no idea how
loud I was being, but my moans were getting louder with every gasp that escaped
and with every noise I made I couldn’t hold my hips down. I was practically--no
I was...I was grinding into Levi.
I almost didn’t hear the door opening and I wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for Levi
sitting up and me opening my eyes to see why the pleasure stopped. I was
panting, like a dog in heat. I needed to catch my breath, I looked over to see
Erwin and he didn’t look happy. Fuck. I quickly pulled down my shirt. “Levi,
can we talk?” Erwin asked, his arms were crossed.
“I was in the middle of something.” Levi didn’t even try to hide his annoyance,
and I blushed darker than what I already was.
“It’s important, come on.” Levi looked back at me and being able to think a
little bit about what we were doing...I knew we shouldn’t have. It was wrong. I
would just end up regretting it.
“Go ahead. We can uh, go to sleep when you guys are done…” I was finally
starting to catch my breath. Levi gave me a soft kiss to my lips before getting
up and following Erwin out, Erwin made sure to close the door behind them.
I swallowed hard. Fuck! I was losing myself, wasn’t I? I was forgetting my
morals, the promises I made to myself in the beginning. But, maybe that wasn’t
so bad? What was the worst that could happen? I just needed to make sure I
never forgot my goal. If there was ever a chance, even a slight one that I
could get out of here. I would take it. I ran my hand through my hair and laid
down, letting my body cool off….I was ready for some sleep.
Chapter End Notes
     I figured I should probably start putting my DA and Tumblr on all of
     these chapters instead of just one xD So my Da: http://
     kbug546.deviantart.com/
     Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/black-butler546
***** Day 25 *****
Chapter Notes
     Okay guys, I was extremely excited to write and post this chapter :
     D ***Caution: There may be some angst*** I'm only giving the warning
     because I'm going on a trip this weekend and normally I don't get to
     write during the week. So, I'll try to write during the long car
     ride. But, I just wanted you guys to know so no one panics in case
     it's late or I end up skipping a week. I'm sorry about that too!
     But, anyways, you guys don't understand how happy I get when I see
     you guys leave kudos or comments! I love reading the comments! <3 And
     I also enjoy the few messages I get on tumblr! Legit, you guys are
     great!
     Enjoy~
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Day 25
I've been concerned with Levi ever since the night we kissed. He just hasn't
been himself. When he held me that night he held me tightly to his chest
and....it was nice. I liked it. But after that he hasn't even kissed the top of
my head, and at night he might wrap his arm around me if I ask. I just don't
understand and he won't talk to me. He says nothing is wrong and that I
shouldn't worry.....He says that things will go back to normal in a few
days....Well, this morning he just said soon. I'm not sure what that means....
I'm worried that Erwin told him what I said. That could be why he's been acting
so weird....But....he would say something about that, wouldn't he? I swallowed,
I wanted to know what he meant when he said things would go back to normal.
What was going to happen for that to work out? And...if it was that easy, why
couldn't we have always stayed in the normal?
I rolled over in my bed and let my face rest close to his chest. I had to be
careful when I rolled or the chains would get tangled around my body. I made
sure to glance at the clock as I did so and it was about six in the morning.
Levi was still sleeping and I should be too, but instead I was inhaling his
scent. He was laying on one arm and his other was still loosely around my
waist. I had to fix it a little, but it was still there.
What was I doing? Maybe Erwin was right and I was just some sick messed up
kid....How could I believe what Levi told me? How can I not hate him? ....But I
guess that doesn't matter. What matters is I did....I liked him. I don't know
how deeply that like goes, but there's something there. But, I won't let that
get in my way of getting out of here. I will take whatever opportunity is given
to me....
I....I wonder how Armin and Mom and Dad are handling everything? Have the told
the cops? It's almost been a month, uh, twenty five days....I know they're
worried. They had to be. Is anyone looking for me? Or have they lost hope? Do
they think I'm dead? I don't think Armin would think that, he couldn't...I hope
I haven't made them cry too much. But, mom probably cries every night. I'm not
sure how dad would be taking this. And....Armin has probably cried a few
times....
I sighed and tried to move closer to Levi. I didn't want to think of that. I
couldn't think of them. I just....it hurt too much. I missed them and I want to
see them again. But, I can't think about them. I can't. I should focus on doing
what I'm doing and getting out of here. I was lucky enough to be taken--
protected--by a man that cared about me. That's more than I could ask for and
it sucks that I'm doing this. That I'm lying and plotting behind his back. But
I have to, Levi isn't leaving me with much of a choice. Maybe after I see my
family again I'll still be able to see him. To check up on him or something? He
isn't a bad man and he doesn't deserve anything bad to happen to him....
"Levi...." I whispered into his chest. There was no way I could go back to
sleep now. I know it's mean, but I'm going to wake him up. "Levi...." I
whispered again and this time I leaned away so my voice wasn't muffled. He
still didn't budge. I sat up slowly, letting his hand slide down my side. It
landed a little below my hip. I leaned down so I was close to his ear and
whispered his name again. "Levi....Wake up....please...."
"Mmmm....." He hummed. I wasn't sure if he was actually awake or not though.
"Levi...." I shook him a little this time and that got his eyes to open.
"What kid?" He didn't sound annoyed, just a little tired. But there was still
something in his tone that said he cared. He rubbed at his eyes and I saw some
pain in them, but it was quickly replaced.
"Um...." I don't know what made me want to ask this question. I don't know how
long I had subconsciously been thinking about it. I had no idea, honest. But
none the less, the words were falling from my tongue. "Am I the uh....Have you
had anyone else stay here....like I am....?" I asked quietly and I'm glad I
wasn't that close to him anymore. He sat up quickly and he couldn't hide the
look of surprise from his face. It was a mix of surprise and anger? Was he mad
that I asked that? What was he thinking about? Why did I ask that? I swallowed
hard and looked down.
How dare I ask that. Right? I mean, I had no right to. But maybe I did. I was
allowed to know that, right? He wasn't going to hate me, was he? Before I had
time to scare myself anymore he ruffled my hair. "Kid, did you seriously wake
me up at..." He looked at the clock, "Six in the morning to ask me that?"
Now was my chance right? I could pretend like I never asked it and no harm
would be done. He was giving me an out. "Uh, no....I uh, I couldn't sleep....So
I woke you up....Sorry...." I apologized sheepishly and rubbed the back of my
neck. I was finally able to look back up at him.
"It's fine kid," he leaned closer and I thought he was going to kiss me, "but
now that you're up, want some breakfast?"
"U-uh..." I blushed. "Yeah. Uh, surprise me?" I smiled and he stood and left
after chuckling. Did I actually want him to kiss me? I mean, maybe....I don't
know if it was act of kissing him that I missed or how close we used to be. It
was hard to tell.
As far as breakfast went he did surprise me. It was some French food. I wasn’t
sure what it was and I didn’t ask, it tasted good though. It was too early for
conversations, so I complimented his cooking and told him how good it tasted
before the rest of the meal was ate in silence. When we were finished he took
the plates and washed them. He was gone for a while and didn’t get back in my
room until about seven thirty. I knew he had to of done something else other
than wash the dishes. But, I wasn’t sure if I should ask. But just like
earlier, I guess my brain was too tired to filter things. “What took you so
long?” I asked as he was sitting down.
“Oh, nothing.” He told me and got comfortable.
“Heh, really? You were gone forever!” I laughed and tried to joke about it.
What was he doing so long? And why do I even care? Am I jealous? Am I worried?
Why am I worried about Levi, I have nothing to worry about…
“Erwin wanted to talk.” And by the tone of his voice I knew the conversation
was over. So, maybe I don’t know how to take a hint because I pushed for more
information.
“What did he want to talk about?” He didn’t answer for a while. Was he going to
lie to me? Or debating whether to tell me? I hated this...Just….Dammit. If I
would have never told Erwin how I actually felt I wouldn’t be so damn paranoid.
“...Adult stuff. You don’t need to worry.” He leaned in and kissed my head
softly and quickly. Adult stuff? What did he mean? Is that just a nice way of
telling me to mind my own business? Because honestly I felt like I had a right
to know, it might be crossing a line. But….I wasn’t in the most ideal situation
and the one guy I thought I could trust was suddenly keeping secrets from me.
What the hell? How was that fair?
“Levi….” I was begging now, but it didn’t seem like he cared.
“Let’s do a puzzle.” He offered and before I could say anything he grabbed a
box and dumped out the contents. I wanted to argue with him and tell him that
I’ve done that puzzle five hundred times and I didn’t want to fucking put it
together anymore. What I wanted to do was to know what they were talking about.
but, I didn’t want to argue with him anymore. I feel like I’ve gotten close to
crossing that line a few times already and we've only been awake for an hour
and a half. So, much to my distaste we spent the rest of the morning putting
together a huge ass puzzle that I couldn’t care less about. We didn’t really
talk other than to say “I think this piece goes there.” Or “Here’s that piece
you were looking for.” Whenever I tried to have a real conversation my attempts
were quickly shut down. He would respond halfheartedly or with a one word
response. He didn’t really give me anything to work off of and that worried me.
He was never like that. Why was there all this tension in the air? Why did I
feel like I was suffocating? Why did the first time since coming here I
actually felt like I was in a room with a stranger? I used to be so comfortable
around Levi and don’t get me wrong I still am. But, not when he’s like this.
It’s horrible, I hate it. I can’t stand it. He’s being too distant and I don’t
know what to do. I feel tense and I hate to admit it, but whenever he would
hand me a puzzle piece I would have two different reactions. Either I would get
more tense and feel worse, or my heart would race and my skin and senses would
beg for affection. I didn’t know which I wanted more, to be alone or to be
closer….
That went on until lunch time. Yes, four and a half hours of this. Dreadful
hours. It felt like the minutes, no the seconds just went on for decades. I
wanted to pull my hair out. But, finally I was relieved when he spoke up. Oh,
that voice that I missed, with an actual tone. It didn’t sound bored or
disinterested, “It’s lunch time, what do you want?” Honestly I didn’t care. I
would be fine skipping lunch if it meant he’d sit and talk to me, but it didn’t
seem like that was going to happen. So, I asked for sandwiches. Something easy
and fast to make. Something that would get him back into this room in a matter
of minutes. I was going to make him talk to me if that was the last thing I
did. I was determined to get us how we used to be, I know he said it would be
back to normal soon, but that soon just wasn’t soon enough. He left the room,
but the tension was still there. Why was it like this? I never felt this...this
nervous about anything. Not for quite some time anyways. I let out a breath and
tried to calm my nerves. I couldn’t be jittery, he would catch on, but by the
looks of it I doubt he would say anything. God, what was his problem?
When he finally came back I made sure I was fully calm. He still seemed off,
but I couldn’t let that bother me. Now...I just needed something to talk about.
Fuck...Eren come on, he’s sitting. He handed me my sandwich. I could think of
something anything! “So, uh, what’s Erwin doing?” I asked and took a small
bite. We were...trying...to be friends, that’s what we told Levi anyways. So,
that question was perfectly reasonable, right? God, I’m so nervous.
“He’s taking a nap.” Levi told me after swallowing, “Why?”
“I was just wondering….” I told him and continued to eat. This was going to be
a lot harder than I thought. So, what happened was I spent the rest of my time
trying to figure out what to say than actually talking. And before I had a
chance to say anything that wasn’t related to Erwin we had finished eating.
Maybe I should have asked for something that took longer to eat, but I was so
eager just to have him back in the room...I guess I wasn’t thinking right.
“Eren?” Levi whispered and was looking straight ahead at the wall, okay
something was seriously up.
“Yeah?” Was he going to tell me what’s been bothering him?
“I like you….a lot, you know that right?”
“Yeah, of course I know that!” Was that seriously what he’s been worried about?
Something as stupid as that. Of course I knew he liked me, if not he wouldn’t
be treating me how he does.
“And...Do you like me?” Oh God. That was a tough one, but my tongue was forming
the words before I had time to even fully digest the question.
“Yeah, I like you.” That earned me a small smile from him. The first one I’ve
seen in a while, I felt relief wash over me. Was that what he was worried
about? I was about to ask him, but there was a knock at the door. Who could
that be? No one has knocked on the door for almost a month now. And Erwin was
sleeping, and besides he never knocked. Or at least I’ve never heard him knock.
I glanced at Levi and he looked stiff, but quickly loosened up his muscles when
he saw I was looking at him.
“It’s gonna be okay.” Levi told me and squeezed my hand before getting up and
taking the plates. He left my door cracked. I thought that was weird, normally
he closes it all the way. I guess he just forgot or thought he did? I listened
and heard the door open up, I couldn’t hear the words that were exchanged, but
I could hear the voices. It didn’t sound like Erwin, so he was still sleeping.
So, who was it?
I broke out into a sweat and my heart was beating so fast I thought I was going
to throw up. Someone was here! Someone I didn’t know! That was good! I was
going to be able to leave! Fuck! Despite all of this I felt a tension in my
chest. My eyes were tearing up, was I really going to betray Levi like this?
Dammit Eren who’s side are you on!? I needed to get myself home! I needed to! I
promised myself that I would no matter what happened! I can’t back out now!
“..Someone….Help...I’m in here….” It was a whisper and I was starting to cry. I
didn’t know whether it was out of sadness or happiness. But, there were salty
tears running down my face. I was actually going to get out. If I could man the
fuck up and yell for them. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, letting the tears
get squeezed out. “Someone!” I screamed and I wasn’t sure how it felt. I felt
awful, but so alive at the same time. I could feel the adrenaline pumping
through me. I could feel my stomach knotting and my head was spinning. This was
everything I could ever hope for and I was finally going to get it! “I’m in
here! Help! Someone!” I was screaming, I wanted to stand and maybe stomp on the
floor. I wanted to do anything that would cause more noise, but instead my legs
were jello. I was a kid sitting on a mattress in a small room. I had my eyes
closed tight and my heart was pounding with my hands in fists. I was going to
go home…. I heard footsteps running down the hall. This was happening, it was
really happening! The door swung open and hit the wall, but I still couldn’t
open my eyes. I heard people talking, but I still couldn’t open my eyes. I was
waiting eagerly for my chains to be taken off, for me to be hugged and brought
out of here. For me to be taken home and to see my family and friends.
But instead what made me open my eyes was a slap across to the face. My eyes
quickly opened and I didn’t even want to know what kind of look I had on my
face. In front of me I saw a very broken Levi. He looked devastated, he had
tears running down his face and he looked pissed. He looked pissed and like he
wanted to slap me again and I don’t think I would blame him if he did. I hurt
him and I never wanted to. I slowly licked my dry lips and tried my best to
swallow. My throat felt like a desert, my voice was hoarse. “Levi…” It cracked
when I said his name.
“I don’t want to fucking hear it!” His voice was cracking, but now out of fear
like mine was. Not out of regret. Instead his was from all the pain he was
feeling. All the pain I made him feel. I told him I liked him and….Didn't I
tell him I wouldn’t leave? Or at least have him believe that? And here I was
proving the exact opposite.
“Levi….I--” I tried to explain but this time Erwin cut me off. He had walked up
behind Levi and put his hands on his shoulders in a comforting way.
“I told you…” Erwin told him, not bothering to look at me. When he said it he
didn’t sound like he was bragging, he actually sounded remorseful. I couldn’t
believe what was happening. This wasn’t seriously happening right now! They set
that fucking thing up to do some kind of trust exercise!? What bullshit is
that!? I wanted to be angry, I was trying to get angry but whenever I would get
close to it, I would see the look on Levi’s face and all of that anger would
fade out of me. I wanted to hold him, but I knew he hardly even wanted to look
at me. “Come on…” Erwin told him.
“No...Levi….” I leaned forward and tried to grab his pant leg or his shoe,
anything really. But instead I grabbed air, he was already out of my reach
before I could blink. The last thing I saw was that heart broken crying Levi. I
didn’t bother to look up at that bastard, I didn’t care how he looked. I didn’t
care if I hurt him, but I cared if I hurt Levi. He didn’t deserve that….
Once the door was shut I laid down and pulled the blankets over my head. I
could hear angry yells, the kind with tears. I could only think Levi was the
one yelling. I heard stuff being thrown and a few yelps of pain. What was
happening out there? Who was getting hurt? Was he hurting himself? Or taking it
out on Erwin? What was happening?
What was going to happen between Levi and I now? Was he going to hate me and
never ever talk to me again? He couldn’t...he couldn’t do that. I didn’t know
how long I would be here and that wasn’t fair! But, who am I to think that? I
just broke his heart and that wasn’t fair either, was it? I should be the one
getting hurt….
I closed my eyes and let the tears dry on their own. I thought that if I just
went to sleep it would be like a dream. I could pretend that this never
happened. I could make believe couldn’t I? But, no matter what I dreamed about
I always woke up to face reality harder and harder each time I opened my eyes.
That only caused me to sleep more, until dinner time came. I was eager for it.
But, not to eat, I was wanting to see Levi. I needed to talk to him. I needed
to apologize, beg for forgiveness. Anything.
I fucked things up and I wanted them back to normal. But I guess I was a little
naive that after only a few hours he would be ready to see me again. I guess I
should be lucky I got dinner at all. When the door opened, my hopes and all the
words I was about to spill out of my mouth disappeared. Erwin was in the
doorway and without a word he put the food down and left. I couldn’t help the
little sob that escaped it’s way out of my throat. When was I going to be able
to see him again? This...No...It was fair. I deserved this. Maybe I shouldn’t
have tried to leave at all….No...Goddammit why was this so hard? I should have
just been smarter and waited until I knew I for sure. I just...I don’t know. I
don’t know anymore. I only know I never want to make Levi look like that ever
again.
Chapter End Notes
     My tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/black-butler546
***** Day 30 *****
Chapter Notes
     I apologize if this is a little short, I'm still pretty tired from my
     trip and started writing this on the bus ride home xD But, (You guys
     are probably tired of hearing this) I appreciate the kudos and
     comments and just everyone reading it! In case you guys don't know
     your comments when you recommend stuff or want stuff to happen I do
     take into consideration and see if it would fit in with what I
     already have planned for the upcoming chapters :)
     Also, I hate to say this but I think this fanfic is getting close to
     an ending...Maybe about 5 more chapters I'm thinking? But, I don't
     have my notes in front of me, so I could be wrong.
     Thank you all once again! And enjoy~
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Day 30
I slowly started to open my eyes, waiting to see my small lit up room. But
instead I saw the dark sky, only the stars were lighting it up. My eyes widened
and I sat up quickly, I felt my wrists. I was free! I wasn't in that room
anymore! I--
But where was I? I looked around and felt the ground. I was on wet cement, did
it rain? I guess so...I glanced around and it was just as dark as the sky. But
there were no stars to light up my way. No houses. No cars. No lights.
I felt my pockets and....I guess Levi didn't give me my phone? I guess I can't
really blame him though....I finally stood up and stretched. I didn't know why
I was taking my time like this. Everything just felt weird and off. It didn't
feel right. I was waiting for them to jump out and grab me again to laugh and
say they were just teasing me. "Fuck!" I jumped up and quickly brushed at the
bottom of my foot. I stepped on a damn pebble or something. They threw me out
here with the bare minimum.
Was this...? Was this for real? I sucked in a deep breath and let the night air
fill my lungs. It smelled wonderful out here. You know how it smells after it
rains, that's how it smelled now and I couldn't have loved it more. I guess all
that was left was to follow the road? I quickly chose to walk forward rather
than back, hoping I picked the right direction.
You'd think I'd feel happier about this....and I mean yeah I'm happy. This is
amazing! But, at the same time I feel abandoned. Levi said he put me in here
because he was protecting me, but from what? "Eren." I heard my name, it
sounded like it was coming behind me. Fuck, who was that? I started to walk
faster and glance behind my shoulder. I didn't see anyone, but I know I heard
someone yell for me.
I wasn't, I couldn't let anyone take me back to that house. I don't care how
bad I feel or how much I'd rather be with Levi than out here alone. I wasn't
going back, I was going to see my family and tell them they didn't have to
worry anymore.
"Eren!" I heard my name again, this time louder--closer. Fuck! I glanced behind
myself multiple times and I was up to a jog now. I didn't want to tire myself
out, I didn't know how much more walking I would need to do until I got home. I
wasn't even sure where home was. Everything was so dark, I felt like I wasn't
making progress, I still hadn't passed a car or house or even a street light
yet.
"EREN!" That voice was deep, he was right behind me. I couldn't look back, what
if I saw him? I closed my eyes tightly and started to sprint. I ran and ran and
ran. I ran for what felt like hours, miles upon miles. And I didn't open my
eyes until I felt soft, wet grass under my toes instead of the hard black tar.
I slowed my pace until I was standing still in the middle of the field. I could
see a few yellow flowers here and there. It looked like someone took seeds and
threw them up in the air to land randomly.
I was catching my breath and moving my toes around to tell myself that this was
real. I couldn't hear anyone else behind me, did I loose them? "Goddammit
Eren!" There they were, but where at? Why could I hear them but not see them?!
I had to move again, I had to go somewhere! I was still panting, but I didn't
let it stop me from running. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, then I was
running up the steps to my porch.
I was home?! "Mom!" I shouted before I heard that voice again, "Dad!" I had to
find them before that voice found me. "Armin!" I cupped my hands around my
mouth, "Where are you?!" I reached out and tried to open the door, but it
wouldn't open. I could hardly get the handle to turn. When I started pounding
on the door a light inside flicked on. Who was that? ....Levi? Why was he in my
house? Where was my mom and dad?! I could feel the tears forming as I took a
few unbalanced steps off the porch. I almost tripped on the last one, I wish I
would have. I backed up right into someone. That someone that was calling my
name. They grabbed me and held me tight, I felt like I was in a vice. I was
screaming, screaming names and for people I knew and just screaming. I was
kicking and trying to wiggle free. Levi was in front of me now. I finally
calmed down and he got on his tip toes. And closed my eyes gently with his
fingertips as I heard a "Shhh...." Gently flow into my ear.
I sat straight up and I was in my room. I was panting and in a cold sweat. I
had tears running down my cheeks. As I went to wipe them I heard the chains. I
was free.....It was a nightmare. And I was screaming. I didn't even realize
that loud noise was coming out of my mouth. "Eren!" That voice yelled and I
could stop the screams now. It was too late, that was supposed to be a
nightmare. Not real life.
"What the hell is going on?" Who was that? I looked over and saw Levi walking
into the room. He wasn't coming up to my bed and I started to cry more. I was
being ridiculous and stupid and I don't know why a stupid nightmare was making
me act this way. "Eren, shhh, stop screaming." I could tell it was hard for him
not to raise his voice and I finally stopped screaming. My throat was dry and
on fire.
"L-Levi..." I whispered, my voice was scratchy. I didn't care about what
happened almost a week ago. I wanted him to hold me and make me feel better. I
haven't seen him since that night. Erwin was the one bringing me my food....And
that was the only contact I got with people. He hasn't read to me or put
together a stupid puzzle. We haven't watched any movies. We haven't done
anything--there was no we. I had hurt him, I get that....but I was missing him.
I reached my hand out and grabbed at the air, I wanted him closer.
He took a step towards me before a little one back. "Are you okay?" He asked,
he wasn't looking at me.
"Levi...."
"I asked if you were alright."
"....Why won't you look at me?" I whispered so I wouldn't hurt my throat
anymore.
I heard him sigh and he looked over and up, I followed his gaze. He was looking
at Erwin. He would look at Erwin and not me?! "Get him some water and if he's
not okay get me again." He turned and started to walk away. I almost threw
myself off the mattress to keep him here. But I stopped myself.
"Levi!" I screamed and I knew I was a mistake, it felt like I ripped my throat
open. "Why won't you look at me?!" I screamed and my words hit his back before
he turned the corner.
"I'll get you water." Erwin out down a plate of food before leaving too.
"....Levi....I miss you...." I whispered to myself and started to wipe at my
red eyes. When Erwin came back in I whispered a question that had been eating
away at me for a while, “W-Why did you do that?”
“I got you water, so Levi wouldn’t get mad.” He handed me the cup and I took
it. I drank half of it before placing it on the ground, I was too tired, I was
mentally drained.
“Why did you make him hate me?” I rephrased my question.
“He doesn't hate you.” He said lowly.
“T-Then why won’t he come see me?” I hated doing this, but I wanted to know…
“He thinks you hate him, which I don’t blame him.” That made my stomach twist.
He couldn’t blame him?! All because I tried to leave!? I tried to go home!? I
was shaking, Erwin pissed me off and I felt like I was going to vomit. But, I
couldn’t yell at him. Yelling at him got me in this mess to begin with.
“Levi!” I screamed and Erwin glared at me.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“I need to talk to him!” I spit the words in his direction and kept shouting
for Levi until he came.
“What?” He was looking down and hardly in the room.
“Levi, I want to talk to you…” I told him and Erwin started heading for the
door. He whispered something into Levi’s ear and left without another word.
What did he tell him!? Levi closed the door and came up to me, he wasn’t
sitting and was staring at my feet. “Levi, why won’t you look at me?” My voice
broke and I didn’t mean for it to, “Why are you avoiding me?”
“Eren, do you not remember what you did?”
“Yes! And I don’t see why you would hate me over that!” That made him look up
at me.
“I have done nothing to deserve that! I haven’t hurt you or threatened you! I’m
taking care of you and trying to make you happy! Why would you want to leave!?
You told me you wanted to stay with me!” Levi’s voice rose, “Do you think what
you did was okay!?”
“I just wanted to see my family!” The tears were forming again, “I don’t want
to leave you, but I miss them! I haven’t seen them in a month, Levi! I miss
them and they’re probably worried sick! And dammit you can’t blame me for
wanting to leave to see them! You told me a while ago that if I was good I
could leave this stupid room! And I still haven’t seen any other room but this
one!” I was screaming and if my shoes were off I would have thrown them. “I was
crying this morning and you wouldn’t even look at me!” I clenched my fists,
“Why did you leave me like that!?” Maybe I was changing the argument over for
my own benefit, but what choice did I have? I was never going to see him again
if not.
“I was trying to make sure that you were okay. I don’t think we should go that
far again, Eren. You obviously need some time to think about things.” He
crossed his arms.
“No I don’t Levi! Please! At least come see me again! Anything! Read to me
again! Do those stupid puzzles!”
“...Eren…”
“Levi! I miss you! I miss you! I miss you!” I was screaming again, “I miss you!
Why can’t you see that!? Dammit! I want you to see me again! I want to see you!
Please!” Tears were falling down my cheeks and I wasn’t sure if I was lying to
him or not. I didn’t know how I felt anymore. Damn him. Levi squatted down and
started to wipe my tears away.
“Eren...Shh…” He sat down all the way and I thought he was going to pull me
into his chest, but he didn’t. When he held my cheeks a little longer than
before I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. And when he didn’t say
anything for a long time I thought it was because he was going to say something
to make me feel better and just didn’t know how to word it, but he didn’t.
“Eren, I think…” He paused, “I think should take things slow. I need some space
and so do you. You hurt me a lot, and I know it’s unfair since I can still see
you even when I’m not in here...And you haven’t been able to see me. But,
believe me….Once this gets better, I’ll figure out how to explain everything to
you and you can tell me how you feel. I don’t want something like this to
happen again.” He was talking quietly and I could feel him start to take his
hands away. In my desperation I grabbed his hands and held them to my cheeks
with my tears covering them.
“Levi! Don’t do this! Please! I-I want to see you! I miss talking to you!” I
was lonely, I don’t remember the last time I had an actual conversation.
“I’m not leaving, I’ll start coming in more, I swear. We can talk as long as
you want, I’ll just be sleeping in my room like I have been and stuff. Okay?” I
felt my heart ache, but I nodded and slowly let him slip his hands out of mine.
“And whenever you want to shower just let me know.” Levi stood up and took a
few steps back.
“When will you be back?”
“In about an hour, I’ll get you some new puzzles.” He smiled and I knew that
was his attempt at looking past this, at starting over. Maybe it would be
better for us, I don’t know. I don’t know how I want it to be with us. But, I
needed to talk to him more, to see him more. Maybe this was going to be okay.
After I smiled back at him and nodded he left. I finally calmed down about a
while and it hit me. Was I really getting what I wanted? In a way, Yes...But
also no. I was curious on how long I would stay here and how close we would
get. I wouldn’t lie, thinking about Levi holding me again made my heart race
and made me smile. I missed the contact, the interaction, the conversations
that would last all night and the cuddles most of all.
Chapter End Notes
     My tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/black-butler546
***** Day 40 *****
Chapter Notes
     Thank you so so so much for all the reading and comments and kudos :
     ) I liked writing this chapter, but I'm extremely excited for the
     next one coming up! If it goes as plan it'll probably be one of the
     longest xD But, it's the chapter I've been looking forward to for
     like ever! And sadly there isn't going to be that many more chapters,
     I think maybe four more.
     Anyways, enjoy this chapter!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Day 40
Even though Levi said he wanted space a while ago, he only held up to that for
that night. I just asked him again the next day to see me more and he did. I
was able to get him to come in like he used to, it would get awkward at some
parts but I wouldn’t let it bother me. I would quickly say something else so he
wouldn’t leave. I didn’t want him to think about the incident. I was also able
to get him to share my bed again, I felt safer with this. But, after a few days
some of my old thoughts would come back.
I wanted to know why I was here to begin with. I wanted to know why he set that
incident up with Erwin. When these thoughts came along Levi would hold me, I
guess I looked like something was wrong, but I couldn’t tell him what it was. I
didn’t want to bring up the bad times, I didn’t want him to ignore me again.
And maybe this showed that I was afraid of him leaving as much as he was afraid
that I would leave?
I wasn’t really sure though, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to think. I
didn’t know how other people would react in this situation. I didn’t know how I
was supposed to react, what I was supposed to say or think. I couldn’t just
google this and I couldn’t ask for advice. I guess I just needed to do what I
felt was needed. And even with the questions that were pushed back in my mind,
I needed to be with Levi. At least on his good side. I still wanted to go home,
but...I didn’t want to hurt him in the process.
If I stayed on his good side and had a relationship with him, then
maybe...Maybe we could both leave? It’s a funny thought though, where would we
go? Would we stay at my house? How would I introduce him? ‘Hey mom, this is
Levi, yeah he kept me in a room for over a month. But, it’s okay.’ I couldn’t
suppress a chuckle when I thought about that. I really shouldn’t laugh about
that...There was nothing humorous about this. But, making it into a joke...It
helped me take everything in better.
Levi came back into my room, he was washes the dishes from lunch, “So, you
still want to shower?”
“Yes please.” I smiled at him and he came over and unlocked my cuffs, the ones
around my wrists. It took a while to convince him to let me shower like this.
But, I begged practically every second of every day after our fight.
He helped me stand up and we went into the bathroom. He got me a towel and
washcloth before turning the other way for me to get undressed. He waited until
I was in the shower and the water was on, with the curtain closed before he
turned back around and sat on the toilet seat lid.
“How have you been?” I asked him and got my hair wet. I got way too much
shampoo in my hand, but tried to use it anyways.
“Heh, why? We talk everyday so you should know.”
“But, I just like to ask….” He didn’t say anything after that, so I decided to
prompt him, “So…”
“Fine fine...I’m doing great. You make me very happy.” I knew he had to be
smiling and my heart was racing, his smile was something that I loved to see.
“What about you?”
“Oh um,” I was washing the shampoo out of my hair, “Great...Now that I can see
you again….” I tried to keep my cheeks from heating up.
“Then let’s make sure I don’t have to stop again.” There was something in his
tone that I couldn't pin point. Something...intimidating about it….
“...I’m sorry.” That was all I could say. And I wasn’t even sure if he heard it
since I was so quiet. I finished my shower in silence no one said a word. There
was that tension again and I wondered if he could feel it too. Maybe I was just
imagining it. Maybe there was no tension at all...I was just over thinking
things. That had to be it… I peeked out of the curtain, “I’m going to get out.”
I told him and he stood and faced the wall. I stepped out on a towel he had on
the floor for me and dried off. Then I put my clothes back on. My clothes
hadn't been washed that many times, not because Levi didn’t want to wash them.
Trust me he did, but I thought it was an inconvenience to do so. I didn’t like
hanging around with just a towel on and his clothes wouldn’t fit me and I sure
as hell wasn’t going to wear Erwin’s. “Okay.” I told him and he turned around.
As Levi was leading me back to my bed to put the cuffs on me he asked me
something. Something I never thought I would be asked. It was going to answer
one of the big questions I had. “Eren, do you want to know why we’re living
together?” I was in so much shock that he would even offer that kind of
information. I wasn’t able to say anything, he put both the cuffs back on me
and sat in front of me. “Well? If not you don’t have to.”
“N-no!” I shouted and didn’t mean to. I quickly fixed it, “No...I want to
know...Tell me. Please.”
“Okay.” Levi chuckled and moved so he was beside of me, he wrapped an arm
around my shoulder. “Get comfy.” And I did, I laid against his chest. I was
anxious and excited, I’ve been waiting over a month to hear this. Why me? Why
was I so special? “...I’m not going to go through all of the details, but I’ll
get the main points, okay?”
“Okay.” I nodded and listened closely.
“Well, I guess it started with when I first saw you. You were at that cafe with
your friend and...I became intrigued by you. To put it simply. Then I started
to see you around town, if was like wherever I was you were.” He stopped and
chuckled, “It was almost like you were following me.” He paused before
continuing, “As I saw you more I started to see you having...personal moments.
I’ve seen you cry and laugh and get pissed and I watched you fight with that
one guy a few times. I loved it...I loved how full of emotion you were and
still are. You were never afraid to show how you felt and I liked watching the
different emotions. You were...Like my own personal movie….”
“When did you see me cry?” I asked him when he paused. I didn’t recall ever
crying around a lot of people.
“You were with your friend.” That was all he said and he didn’t give me a
chance to ask anything else. “And when we started to talk--”
“When did we talk?” I asked him.
“Don’t interrupt. But, a few times at some stores.” He told me and held me
closer before continuing. I guess we could’ve, maybe he was asking me where
something was? “But, anyways. Once we started talking and seeing each other
around more, I well….I fell in love with you. You were all I talked about to
Erwin...Heh, he would get annoyed with me. But, you weren’t like any other boy
I saw. You were different...You were special. I wanted to protect you. I
couldn’t stand it when you got hurt from your fights and I knew you were too
good for this world. You’re too pure to be tainted like that. So...I took you
here, remember? I gave you a ride on your way home, you said you wanted to get
to know me better and so...We live together now. I love you Eren Yeager and I
don’t want anything bad to happen to you.” He kissed the top of my head.
Wait...Is that what happened? Did I ask him to get to know him better? my
memory of that night was blurry and everything had happened so fast. All I
really remember is someone calling my name and waking up here.
“What’s wrong?” Levi asked me.
“Is that what really happened?” I asked him quietly. I felt him stiffen before
letting himself relax again.
“Why don’t you believe me?”
“I-I never said that! I just….I don’t really remember all of that….I just
remember you calling out my name and--”
“And we talked and agreed we both wanted to know each other better.”
“Why don’t I remember that?” I asked him, “I only remember that then I woke up
here.”
“It was late and you were probably tired. Or maybe you were just so excited to
talk to me that it all blurs together.” He chuckled and kissed my head again.
“I guess so…” I mumbled. So….I’m here because he loves me and wants to protect
me? And...I agreed to come? I’m not so sure about that, but I also don’t know
why he would lie. Wow, I’ve been a dick then...If that’s really all he
wanted….And if I really agreed….I can see why he was so hurt...I pretty much
just went back on my word… “Maybe you can meet my parents some time.” I
offered.
“You want me to meet them?”
“Yeah...I’m sure they’ll like you.” And he didn’t say anything back and just
kissed my head again.
~~~
Later that evening Levi had me stand off to the side. He wanted to surprise me
with something so I kept facing the wall. I heard a lot of moving and huffing
and my curiosity was through the roof and finally I was able to look. He
brought in a new bed! Like an actually bed not just a mattress and it was
probably a Queen sized one! “You didn’t buy a new bed did you!?” I asked him.
“No, it’s mine, I decided to bring it in so we can sleep on it for now on.” He
smiled, “Do you like it?”
“Of course I do!” I jumped onto it and laid down, it felt like I was on a
cloud. That night we stayed up super late, we just talked and talked and talked
about anything and everything. I loved it, I felt a lot closer to Levi than
what I had. Our relationship was repaired and I wasn’t going to do anything to
ruin it again. He would let me see my family sometime soon, I just knew it. I
fell asleep on his chest that night and I for once I wasn’t worried about my
mom or dad or Armin. I was content with Levi, his life was interesting. I felt
closer to him than I ever thought I would...Maybe living with him wasn’t all
that bad?
Chapter End Notes
     My tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/black-butler546
***** Day 51 *****
Chapter Notes
     Thank you guys so much for everything! The kudos, reads and comments!
     :) As you can see, this story only has three more chapters left! I'm
     sorry it's ending so soon! But, I'm glad all of you have stayed with
     me this long! So, all I ask is for you guys to keep reading until the
     end! :) Thank you!
     Also, I don't want to ruin the surprise; but I don't want to hurt
     anyone. So, yes on this chapter. ***TRIGGER WARNING***
     Enjoy~
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Day 51
Levi’s POV
It was the afternoon and I had to go to the store to pick up food and other
necessities. Erwin wouldn’t go for me, tch, damn him. I had already told Eren
that I would be back soon. He didn’t want me to leave, it almost broke my
heart, but I had to get food. After a lengthy discussion he finally let me
leave, I gave him a kiss and that was that. Which brings me to the present,
where I am currently putting on my shoes.
Erwin got off the couch and stood in front of the door. “What?” I asked him.
“Does Eren love you?”
“Yeah, I think so.” I told him honestly, he wasn’t being a dick so I wouldn’t
be one to him. I raised my eyebrow when I saw him clench his fist. “Why?”
“Levi...I don’t want you to get hurt again….Why can’t--” I held up my hand for
him to stop talking.
“Erwin, we aren’t going to date. We tried, remember? And you didn’t trust me,
so it didn’t work out. You always thought I was cheating.” I scoffed.
“Levi, that isn’t what happened. You--”
“Erwin, we aren't talking about it, okay? I appreciate you staying my friend.
Now, I need to go shopping.” I gestured for him to move out of my way. Either
he didn’t get the hint or he didn’t want to because he didn’t move.
“Levi, how do you know for sure that he loves you? I mean, he is pretty cute,
maybe someone else likes--Ow!” I kicked his shin to shut him up. He was holding
his shin tightly.
“He doesn't.”
“I’m...I just wanted to help you.”
“....” I was about to push him out of the way, but I stopped. “Help me how?”
“Well, I could…” He put his leg down and composed himself, “Talk to him for
you….To make sure he loves you.”
“Talk to him?” I crossed my arms. This wasn’t sounding very good to me. “Erwin,
if you touch him. If you say one mean thing to him. If you even look at him the
wrong fucking way, I swear to God Erwin. You better hope I’m in a good mood.” I
hissed at him and he showed me a smile.
“I know I know, and I, Erwin Smith, will not hurt him.”
“...” I wasn’t sure if I trusted him or not. So, the sooner I left the sooner I
could get back and hold Eren. I was going to let him out of that room today. I
was going to let him help me make cookies or something, it was supposed to be a
surprise. “Fine. Now move.” And he obeyed. I opened the door and took a step
out onto the porch.
“Oh, Levi….So I don’t say anything wrong...Did you and Eren meet how we met?” I
closed the door and walked off the porch and into my car. Fuck him. It’s not my
fault that just happens to be how I meet people. I put my seat belt on and
started my drive to the store.
Eren’s POV
“Levi, do you have to go?” I begged.
“Yes, do you want food?” He asked me and I stayed silent, “Eren if you don’t
eat you’ll turn into bones.”
I chuckled, “Cute bones.” That earned me a smile. “I don’t want you to leave….”
“I know you don’t, but look, I’ll be right back, okay? If you let me go now
then the faster I can get back and you’ll get a surprise.”
“A surprise!?” I had butterflies in my stomach and was bouncing on my bed.
“What kind!? What do you mean!? What is it!?”
Levi chuckled at me and ruffled my hair, “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a
surprise. Now would it?”
“I guess not, but like I really have to know.”
“You can’t, so just focus on trying to figure that out while I’m gone. I can
get you a pencil and paper and you can write down all of your guesses?”
“So you can laugh at how wrong I am?” I smiled and stifled a laugh.
“Maybe it’ll give me ideas for more surprises.” Levi walked to the door and
opened it, “Be right back.” And he was. He gave me a brand new notebook and
sharpened pencil. “Be a good boy and write whatever pops into your head.” He
smiled and I nodded, flipping open to the first page. I titled it: Surprises
Levi lifted my chin and I kissed him. “Don’t be gone too long.” I told him and
he promised me that he wouldn’t. After that he left and I was alone with a list
to write. I wrote out a few things that popped into my head.
Go to the zoo
Take pictures together
Watch the stars
Play video games
Play catch or other sports
I paused and tapped the eraser on my lips. What else could we do together? I
was still thinking when there was a small knock on my door. “Yeah?” Maybe Levi
forgot something? But that thought was quickly gone when my vision was filled
with Erwin.
“I wanted to tell you that I was leaving and I probably won’t be back until
tomorrow.” He started to leave, but I called out to him.
“Wait! Why?” If he was leaving, why couldn’t he have gone shopping?
“I have stuff to do, okay? Just tell Levi when he comes back.”
“okay, whatever.” I rolled my eyes and waited for the door to close before I
went back to writing. The less I talked to him the better.
Levi’s POV
I was finally pulling into the parking lot of Walmart. I couldn’t stand the
store, but it was cheap for the most part. So, the less I had to spend on food
and stuff, the more I could save for Eren. I had to go through three rows of
parking spaces before I finally found an empty one. I got out of my car and
locked the door, stuffing the keys into my pocket before walking towards the
entrance. That’s where I saw a small blonde kid, Eren’s best friend. Armin
Arlert. He was holding something in his hands, a lot of papers and would pass
one out to the people that passed by. They would give him sad looks or say
something to him. What was he handing out? I sped up my walking speed slightly
to get up to him faster. “Excuse me, Sir?” Armin asked me, “Have you seen him?”
He showed me the flyer. It was a missing person flyer. For Eren. And he had
fucking tons of them. Of course no one has seen him. But, what if they did now?
What if they looked harder? What if they took him from me? He would get hurt
out here! I couldn’t let that happen!
“Oh, uh…” I took the paper and scanned it over like I was thinking. “No, I
haven’t.”
“Oh, thanks anyways.” His big blue eyes held nothing but worry, how long has he
been doing this?
“I’m sure--” I started off but stopped. I was about to tell him that I was sure
Eren was fine. But, I shouldn’t do that.
“What?”
“Nothing, I just uh, hope you find your friend. I can help pass those out if
you want?”
“Oh um...I don’t--”
“Nonsense. Let me help you.” I took over half of the papers. “I’ll give them to
people around where I live.”
“Thank you, sir. Have a good day. I really appreciate it.” He gave me a sincere
smile and I simply nodded. I walked inside with them and went to the back of
the store. I went into the men’s restroom and spent a bit of my time ripping up
the papers and flushing them down the toilet.
I wasn’t going to let that damn kid ruin everything. Eren loved me and I loved
him. We belonged together, if he was going to keep doing this stuff I might
have to get rid of him. I’m going to have to keep a better watch on Armin,
that’s for sure.
As soon as I was done I walked back to the front to grab a cart and started
throwing food into it. I’ve already been gone over thirty minutes. Dammit, I
needed to hurry up. Traffic better not be back…. I sighed and grabbed some
things to make cookies.
Eren’s POV
I was singing quietly to myself while I laid on my stomach and wrote more
ideas. “I need a voice to echo….I need a light to take me home….I kinda need a
hero, is that you?” I whispered the lyrics and thought of Levi. This was my
home now and maybe Levi was my hero. I smiled, but that smile quickly dropped
when I heard the door opening and no voice. If it was Levi he would call and
tell me he came back, right? And Erwin left….Who was here?
I closed up my notebook and put that under my bed. I couldn’t hide anywhere,
they would just be able to follow my chains. Fuck. I took a shaky breath and
held the pencil close to me. Maybe I would get lucky and they wouldn’t look in
here? Were they looking for money? I heard a few doors close by open. And I
felt the tears filling my eyes. Why did Levi have to leave today!? Out of all
the days!?
Suddenly my door flew open. It was a tall man in all black standing there, he
had on a black ski mask. Who was that? My eyes were wide and my breathing was
harsh. He wasn’t saying a word and neither was I. I was paralyzed, I couldn’t
reach him, not while he was there anyways and I only had a pencil with me. I
wasn’t going to throw my only weapon at him. He took a few steps towards me.
Still out of reach. I moved forward on the bed so my feet were on the ground
and I couldn’t tell whether he enjoyed what I was doing or not. but, he stepped
forward more and I stood up and ran at him. He was a pretty big guy, I don’t
know what I was expecting to accomplish with a pencil.
He grabbed my wrists before I had a chance to even get lead on him. He quickly
moved one arm, so he was holding them both with one of his large hands. He
picked me up like I was a feather, “Put me down! What are you doing!? Let me
go!” I shouted and kicked my legs, he was holding me up by my wrists. “Put me
down!” I screamed and he threw me on the bed.
Levi’s POV
I finally came home and Erwin’s car wasn’t there. Where the fuck did he go? I
went inside as fast as I could. How long had Eren been home alone? Was he
scared? What if he needed someone? The second I got the door open I heard loud
sobs coming from his room. I dropped the grocery bags and closed the door
before running to his room.
I opened his door and everything was a mess. I can’t….I didn’t even want to
process what Eren looked like. His shirt was off and further down the chains.
He only had boxers on and he was sobbing. Heart wrenching sobs were leaving his
throat. “L-Levi…” He looked up at me, his voice was hoarse. How long had he
been crying? Was he screaming too?
“Eren, what happened!?” I tried to keep my voice calm so I wouldn’t scare him
more. His eyes were red and I sat next to him. He opened his mouth like he was
going to say something, there were thin trailed of saliva going from the bottom
of his mouth to the top. Almost like they were thread keep him from speaking.
He wiped his nose on his arm and buried his face into my chest.
I rubbed his back gently and after a few moments, it sounded like he was going
to throw up from all the crying he was doing. “Eren, are you going to throw
up?” I barely felt him shake his head. “Eren, you need to tell me what
happened. Please. Where’s Erwin? Why wasn’t he here? What happened to you?
Eren!” I was trying to get his attention. I swear to God I would kill the
fucker that did this to Eren. To my Eren. “Eren, please...What happened to
you…?” I held him close to me and in between his sobs I got an answer.
“H-He….S-Some guy….” He broke out into tears again.
“Shh...Take it slow….Take a deep breath…”
And that’s what he did. “I-I was touched…” I felt my blood run cold and I was
about to throw Eren off of me to go find that fucker. What the hell!? Who would
do that!? I was furious! I was shaking! I held Eren tightly, to the point where
someone would normally complain. But, Eren didn’t. He needed this. he needed
me. I would never leave him again.
Eren’s POV
After I was thrown onto the bed he started to take off my pants. I started to
kick him and squirm and I was doing anything I could to get this monster off of
me. “Stop! What are you doing!?” I was screaming at him. “Levi! Levi! Help me!”
I knew he wasn’t home, but I didn’t know what else to do, I didn’t know who
else to yell for. but, after I did that he started being rougher with me. He
held my wrists tighter and used his legs to keep mine still.
“Stop! You’re hurting me!” I screamed, but I stopped flailing, the more I
moved, the more his weight hurt me. Tears were starting to fall from down my
cheeks. He unbuttoned my pants and was pulling them down. He adjusted his legs
and leaned down.
“If you try to kick me again or anything, I swear I will fucking kill you.” He
whispered and his voice was deep. I tried to gulp, but there was a lump in my
throat. “Do you understand?” I nodded.
He took off my pants and boxers. Then he let go of my wrists long enough to
lift my shirt off before holding me down again. I didn’t know what to do. I
didn’t have any weapon. he was stronger and bigger than me. Levi wasn’t here. I
started to cry even harder.
He started to touch me. I was shaking, “S-Stop…” I tried to squirm away, but he
stroked me a couple more times before stopping. He used his thumb and finger to
roll my nipple in between his fingers. A small moan escaped my lips and I felt
disgusted with myself. I heard him chuckle at me. “Stop it!” I tried to sound
firm, but I knew I sounded like a scared little kid.
He continued what he was doing before leaning down and lifted up his mask a
little bit. He started to suck and lick at my chest. I bit into my lip and a
whimper came out. My breathing was heavy and my heart was racing. I was
terrified and I wanted this to stop. My cheeks were going to be stained with my
tears. I guess my whimper had encouraged him because he started to flick his
tongue faster. “S-Stop!” I groaned. How could my body find this pleasurable in
the slightest!? I felt like I couldn’t breath, I closed my eyes so I wouldn't
have to watch it happen anymore. I held my breath for a second and hoped he
would stop. But, when he didn’t hear any noises….I guess he didn’t like that.
He started to suck on my chest roughly.
I knew my member was rising. My heart was still racing, I tried to think of
anything else than what was happening to keep my body from reacting, but it
wasn’t happening. He bit gently into my nipple and that caused me to gasp which
led to a whine leaving my lips. He leaned away from my body and I opened my
eyes barely. Another tear fell down my cheek. He fixed his mask and sat up
right. Was he done? Was he going to leave now?
He started to touch my member. Slowly at first, until I gave the reactions he
must’ve been looking for. Then he sped up. Why was this happening to me!? Why
wasn’t Levi home!? “L-Levi!” I yelled out, “Help!” I sounded so defeated and I
guess he didn’t like that either because he stuffed three fingers into my
mouth. I didn’t do anything, I just let them stay, was he trying to make me
stay quiet? He started to move them around in my mouth. He was covering them
with saliva.
He pulled them out and a string of spit fell onto my chin. My arms were still
above me head and my eyes went wide. What was he going to do? “What are you
doing!? Stop!” His fingers rubbed against my entrance and I was screaming for
him to stop and he wasn’t listening. “No! Don’t!” I yelled and he looked back
at the clock. He started to put his fingers inside of me at a fast speed. I
screamed out in pain and more tears fell. I didn’t even know I could still cry
at this point.
It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt it
hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt.
“S-Stop!” I screamed out and just kept screaming. I closed my eyes tightly. He
started to moved them inside of me, he’d pull them out some and push them back
in. He kept going at a fast pace and it hurt so fucking back. “Stop! Stop!” I
cried. “You’re hurting me!” I was screaming and I was too scared to move at
that point. What if it hurt more? What if he killed me? But, like he was
actually listening to me, he took his fingers out of my body quickly.
I was about to open my eyes, but I heard him messing with his clothes. What was
he doing? I opened them and I shouldn’t have. He was moving his pants down. I
closed my eyes tightly and tried to sit up. I tried to pull away from him. But,
it was like I wasn’t even moving. He could hold me down like it was nothing and
within seconds I was being violated. I was screaming louder than I had with his
fingers. I felt his hand slam over my mouth and my screams were muffled now.
I was sure I had to be bleeding. How could it not be? With that much pain? My
tears were falling onto his hand and I tried to turn my face away, but his
strength didn’t let me. He was moving his hips way too fast for this. “Stop!
Please!” I screamed into his hand. I wanted to scream for Levi again, but that
would make it worse. God please. Make this end. After a few thrusts he pulled
completely out of me and he removed his hand. I laid there stunned. Had he used
a condom? Or maybe he just didn’t cum? My body was aching all over. My legs
hurt and my wrists hurt and my throat hurt. My eyes hurt. My insides hurt. I
don’t know how long I laid in bed for. I wasn’t thinking about anything.
I didn’t want to think about what happened, I just wanted to disappear. But,
finally I was able to sit up and put on my boxers. After that I couldn’t stop
thinking about it. I couldn’t stop crying and sobbing into my pillow. And
finally Levi came home.
~~~
It was about two in the morning when I finally calmed down. Levi had brought me
in a bunch of cups of water so he wouldn’t have to leave for a while and he
held me tightly in his arms. “Eren...Do you know who did that to you?”
“No...I don’t know…”
“Do you know why Erwin wasn’t here?”
“...He said he was leaving and would be back tomorrow.”
“Wait, did he ever talk to you?”
“Talk to me? About what?” I took a drink from one of the cups.
“...Never mind.” Levi practically hissed. What was wrong? I put my cup down and
leaned into him more.
“Levi?”
“Yeah?” He kissed my head.
“Can I have my surprise now?” I asked quietly. I was ready to forget about what
happened.
“Are you sure you’re feeling up to it?” He asked me.
“I think it would help….”
“Well, here.” He unlocked my cuffs and pulled me up with him as he stood. He
held onto my hand and opened my door.
“What are we doing?” My eyes widened. My heart was pounding. Was he letting me
go into a different room?
“You’ll see.” He smiled and we walked out of my room slowly. I looked around.
The walls were bare and pale. He led me out of the hallways that my room was in
and around a corner and into the kitchen. He started getting out a bunch of
different ingredients.
“Levi? What are we doing?” I smiled and couldn’t stop looking around at my new
surrounding.
“Your surprise is, you get to make cookies with me.” I smiled even wider and
hugged him tightly.
“It sounds perfect.” I smiled. He made it fun too. We got the ingredients all
over each other and I probably put too many chocolate chips into the batter.
But, we were having fun and that’s what mattered. Levi was laughing and smiling
too and I think...I honestly really do think that’s what made it worth it.
He stayed up with me even longer. He tried to have me go to sleep after the
cookies were in the oven, but whenever I closed my eyes I had flashback of what
happened. So, Levi closed the curtains in the livingroom and let me sit on the
couch and watch movies. He could see me from over the counter whenever he had
to check on the cookies. Finally they were done. But, we finished up the movie
we were watching and ate a few cookies with some milk. After that he held me on
the couch and I had a blanket wrapped around me. It was about five in the
morning, probably a little after. My eyes were dropping, but I fought it. I
didn’t want to have a nightmare about what happened. But, eventually sleep won
out and I was pulled into the world of darkness.I remember barely waking up at
one point and I was laying in bed with Levi’s arms wrapped around me. The
chains weren’t on me. He trusted me. He loved me….Maybe this is what love felt
like? I smiled smally and buried my face into his chest before drifting back
off.
Chapter End Notes
     My tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/black-butler546
***** Day 52 *****
Chapter Notes
     First things first! I'm sooooo sooo sorry that I didn't update on
     Monday! Finals are coming up and I've been very busy and stressed D:
     But, the next chapter should be up on Monday like it's supposed to
     be! I hope you guys aren't upset! I'm sorry once again!
     Thank you guys for all the comments and the kudos and just everything
     really! I'm surprised so many of you like this! Anyways, please
     enjoy!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Day 52
Levi’s POV
I woke up early the next morning. I could hear someone in the living room and
it sounded like the TV was on. It had to be Erwin, so he was finally back? ….He
hurt Eren, didn’t he? I was pretty sure it was him. No one else would think
about going into a house so far away from people. I slipped out of bed and
looked down at Eren. He was so cute when he was sleeping. He looked so relaxed,
so calm...He looked innocent, like a child. I could almost pretend that the
world hadn't started to taint him yet...That’s why I needed to protect him. I
didn’t want anything else to happen to him. I already failed and he got hurt
once...I couldn’t forgive myself for that, so I need to make sure nothing like
that ever happens. Even if that means only I will know that Eren is here. I’ve
been nothing but honest with him so far, so if I would need to tell a little
lie in the future to protect him, that’s something I’d have to do. I let out a
breath and I knew what I needed to do….
I leaned down and kissed his head gently, I had to be careful. I needed him to
stay asleep. I went to the side of his room where we kept the books and grabbed
the pencil and notebook I gave him. I flipped open to the last page and wrote.
I’m going to be gone for a little while, I love you.
I kept the page open and put it in front of the bed so he would see it.
Now...The hard part. I needed to take the chains off of him. I didn’t want what
happened last time to happen again…..I guess I’m glad I got a lock put on the
outside of the door. I didn’t want to do that to him, I knew I could trust him.
But...I didn’t want anything to happen to him.
I took out my key and unlocked his shackles before gently moving them away from
him. After that was done I left the room and went into the kitchen, ignoring
Erwin for a minute. I grabbed a pack of pop-tarts, a glass of milk and a bottle
of water. I wish I could make Eren something to eat, but I didn’t know how long
this was going to take me. I put the food and drinks beside the notebook and
kissed his head again. “Eren, you’ll be safe now….I promise….” I whispered and
couldn’t take my eyes off of him for a few moments. He was too precious to stop
looking at. Finally I was able to leave the room and close and lock the door.
“Still don’t trust him?” Erwin asked from down the hall.
“...” I glared at him, “I’m keeping him safe.” I hissed and slowly made my way
up to him. “What did you do last night?”
“I had some stuff to take care of.”
“...You’re keeping secrets now?” I raised an eyebrow.
“Levi, it’s nothing important.” He caressed my cheek. I swallowed harshly and
smacked his hand away. “Ouch….I thought we were closer than that.”
“Erwin, enough….” I took a deep breath, “Can you please tell me what you did?”
“I talked to Eren then left.”
“What did you talk about?”
“Just some stuff, like how he likes it here.” Erwin shrugged, he’s a lying
bastard. He’s the one that hurt Eren. I knew it. No one else could have done
it. It had to of been him. He’s keeping secrets and lying. Fuck, he must think
I’m an idiot.
Instead of letting my emotions take over, I smiled widely for him. “Erwin, can
we go and do something today?”
“What about Eren?”
I smirked, “I want to be alone with you.” The words felt like acid on my
tongue. How did I used to like someone like him?
“Is this for a date?”
“Sure.” I held onto his arm to lead him towards the door, “We can have a picnic
in the woods, like old times.”
“The woods? Isn't it hunting season though?”
“Oh come on, nothing is going to happen! Please? It’ll be fun….”
“We need to pack a basket.” Ah, got him. He was making this too easy.
“Let me, you go wait in the car. I want it to be a surprise.”
“A surprise? Man, you must really like me again, don’t you?” Erwin chuckled and
tilted my chin up. He was leaning in. He was going to kiss me. His lips were
going to touch mine and I was going to need to do everything in my power not to
vomit. This was to protect Eren. Eren...I’m so sorry….Fuck...I’m horrible…. I
held in some tears as his lips touched mine. It didn’t last that long, I
wouldn’t let it. Erwin smiled. I passed his test. “Okay, I’ll go wait in the
car.” After that he left. I stood there with a small smile until the door shut
and latched behind him. I wiped my lips furiously and ran into the kitchen, I
didn’t have a lot of time. I pulled out a picnic basket.
It took me forever to find one, but Erwin and I thought picnics would be a lot
more fun with an actual basket. So, I did my best to find one for him, and
after months of searching. I got this one. Whenever I went to throw it out
Erwin would stop me, I guess I’m lucky that he did, if not I wouldn’t have it
right now.
I ran into my bedroom and quickly pulled open the bedside table drawer. In
there was a box of condoms, a bottle of lube and my favorite handgun. It
doesn't take a genius to know which one I grabbed for this outing. I ran pack
and put it into the basket it. I looked around the kitchen and grabbed the
sharpest knife I owned, this was going to have to do. I threw a couple trash
bags into the basket. Perfect.
I quickly went into the living room to put a blanket on top of everything
before closing the basket. This was going to be a picnic Erwin never forgot and
it was going to be my favorite one by far. I would never...Never let anyone
hurt Eren. Not as long as I live. I don’t care if I go to prison, I will find a
way to protect him. Heh….I won’t get caught for this. I just can’t. Right? Eren
needs me, and I’d like to believe that he’d tried to protect me as much as I
would protect him, it’s how it works right? Like how I don’t go off with other
guys so he shouldn’t want to go off with them either, it’s only fair. If I can
devote myself to him and only him, he can do the same. “Eren, be safe….” I
whispered to myself before leaving the house. I put the basket in the trunk
before getting into the driver’s seat and starting the car.
“Why did you put it back there?”
“I don’t want you peeking!” I chuckled. The car ride wasn’t that long and we
didn’t say a word to each other. I wanted to get this done and over with. I
wanted to be with Eren again, my precious Eren. Erwin kept his hand on my thigh
the whole time and it took everything I had not to stop the car and use what I
had right then and there.
We finally got to the woods, it honestly didn’t take that long, but with his
hand touching me...it felt like eternity. “Are we going to our usual spot?”
Erwin asked and i looked over, giving him a small smile and a nod. “Levi, I’m
really happy you decided to do this with me.” I just gave the same response
before getting out of the car. I popped open the trunk and got the basket out.
“I can carry that for you.”
“No, let me. You always got to carry it.” I faked a complaint.
“Fine fine.” Erwin chuckled and wrapped an arm around me after I closed the
trunk. I almost felt bad. Almost. He was so happy about this “picnic” and it
was actually going to be his death, his punishment, something he deserved. He
hurt Eren, the person I loved. The only person for me. My soul mate, my lover,
my husband to be. He hurt him and Eren was going to have to live with that pain
for the rest of his life. That pain...That impurity. I started to shake with
anger at the thought. “Hey, are you cold?” Erwin held me closer.
“I’m fine.” I spat out. My heart was racing, he deserved what was going to
happen to him. That bastard. That dirty, lying bastard. He’s manipulative and
horrible. He needs to rot away in a cell, but that would be too easy for him.
It would be too...kind. I needed to do this. I needed to give him a punishment
that the legal system wouldn’t give. They would not do what I was going to do
to his body. No...They would say it was too inhumane. I held back a chuckle at
that, inhumane? Inhumane? What he was, was inhumane. He was a filthy low life
creature that deserved to be tortured. And I would be happy to comply. But, I
simply didn’t have enough time. The longer I was gone, the more suspicious it
would look. I couldn’t risk someone seeing my car parked out here and I
couldn’t risk Eren getting hurt again.
I needed to be punished too, for not being able to protect Eren well enough.
But...I suppose my punishment would have to be killing Erwin. A man that I had
once loved, but now? I wouldn’t even spit in his direction. He sickened me to
the bones, no, to the very core of my being. He isn’t someone that needs to be
around Eren, he’ll just taint him more. He’ll ruin my special person, I bit my
lip when we got to the spot.
This spot brought back so many memories. We would go out here almost nightly,
if the weather was nice. We would lay on a blanket and stare up at the stars.
We would hold hands and enjoy each other’s company. It was perfect. He was
perfect. We would whisper sweet nothings to one another.
The first time I brought Erwin out here we had already been living together for
two years. “Levi, the stars are beautiful…” Erwin whispered and held me closer.
“Just like you…” I was glad it was dark out, that way he couldn’t see the light
pink on my pale cheeks. I buried my face into his neck. “Hey, you can’t watch
the stars like that.” He chuckled.
“I don’t need to…” I mumbled.
“Levi! That’s the reason you took me out here.” He moved away some and lifted
my chin before I had a chance to hide my face again. “...You’re so cute. I
don’t know why you hide your face from me…” Erwin told me softly. He leaned in
and his warm lips touched mine gently. It didn’t matter how deep and passionate
the kiss got, it was never rough and desperate. The kiss stayed gentle and
that’s one of the things I loved about him.
I finally pulled away and laid my head on his chest. “Levi….I love you.” My
heart skipped a beat. I held my breath.
“D-Do you mean that?”
“Yes, I mean it. I love you with everything I have. With my heart, my mind, my
body, everything.” Erwin kissed the top of my head and I swear, I was floating.
“I love you too….” I had a stupid smile on my lips that wouldn’t go away, and
he doesn't know that. He didn’t know I was smiling and he didn’t know how much
my heart was racing. He didn’t know how much I loved him or that I couldn’t
stop my heart from racing and I couldn’t get that smile off my face for the
rest of the night. And he didn’t know that when we went to sleep that night. I
laid on his chest and listened to his heart, replaying this scene over and over
again until I fell asleep with the same smile on my face.
“Did you bring a blanket?” Erwin asked reaching for the basket and I quickly
yanked it away.
“Yeah. I got it.” I turned around and pulled it out. I made sure he didn’t get
to see inside of it and handed it to him to lay out.
“What’s wrong?” He asked me once it was laid out. My heart was aching and I
could feel the tears filling my eyes. Why did I have to think of that moment?
Why? I took a shaky deep breath to try to calm myself down. It wasn’t working.
I felt strong arms wrap around my body, I didn’t fight it and I let him pull me
into his body. “Are you thinking of that time, too?” He asked so quietly I
almost didn’t hear him.
“Ye--” My voice cracked, so I nodded. Why did things turn out this way?
“Levi….We can always go back to then….” he rubbed my back and that snapped
something inside of me. Even with the tears running down my cheeks I shoved him
away. He looked hurt. But, I couldn’t let that affect me.
“No.” I took a deep breath, “No we can’t.”
“Levi, we can….” He took a step towards me and I stepped back, my foot tapping
the basket. I reached down, without my eyes leaving him. I felt the gun in my
hand, that metal that could end a life.
“Erwin we can’t! You hurt me! And you hurt Eren!”
“....What?” He stopped walking, “How did you…?” He didn’t need to finish the
sentence.
“Erwin it was obvious...You were the only one that could have done it….” I said
slowly, I needed to stay calm. “You hurt him and now I have to make it right….”
“Levi…” Erwin raised his hands, “Levi...Calm down, you don’t want to be rash…”
Rash? Was he serious? I held the gun tighter and clenched my teeth. I could see
in his eyes that he knew I was angry. He knew I was serious. He was trying to
find something to say, anything to say to stop me.
“Levi...I love you…”
I didn’t think twice. I pulled out the gun and shot him in the head. My body
stiffened as I watched his fall to the ground. “Wrong answer…” I whispered.
Eren’s POV
I opened my eyes and I noticed things in stages. Half asleep stages...First I
noticed Levi wasn’t in bed with me. Then I saw it was already eleven. I only
slept for six hours. Then I noticed that I was no longer chained to the wall. I
sat up quickly and rubbed my eyes, then my wrists. He unlocked me? Why? What
did I do? What did he do? What was this about? I looked at the floor before
putting my feet down. That’s when I saw the food and notebook. So, he left for
a while? What did that mean? Was he coming back? Did he want me to leave? I
stood up and slowly walked over to the door and tried to open it, but nothing
worked. I was locked in here...Alone. So...he had to be coming back, right? He
wouldn’t leave me in here alone forever...He just wouldn’t, Levi isn’t the type
of person to do that….
I went back to my bed, “Levi!” Maybe he just didn’t know I was awake yet?
“Levi!” I called out again and still there was no answer. “Erwin!” I didn’t
want to call out for him, but something was wrong. I still didn’t get an
answer. My breathing was picking up, I was alone in this house….What if
something happened? I was stuck in this room! And I have no idea how long Levi
is going to be gone for!
I calmed myself down enough to start eating. I ate about half of my pop-tart
before I had a sinking feeling in my stomach and I started to panic more. I
needed him back here! He couldn’t leave me like this! Didn't he know that? I
felt the tears form. Why was I such a cry baby? I bit my lip and shook my head.
I couldn’t cry. I couldn’t. Levi will be back…
He’s going to come back and I’m going to laugh at myself for over reacting like
this. That’s what was going to happen and he’s going to hug me and tell me it’s
okay and that he won’t leave ever again. I needed him like he needed me, right?
He loved me...And I loved him.
That means he won’t let anything happen to me? I won’t get hurt like I did last
night, right? Why would he leave so soon after that? Why couldn’t he wait until
I woke up? Unless he thought he’d be back by now and left the note just in
case? Yeah, that’s it….He didn’t mean to be gone this long, it was an accident…
The tears fell down my cheeks, I wiped them away. I had to be strong for him. I
just needed to stay calm a little longer, right?
Levi’s POV
I held the knife over Erwin’s body. I already put the gun away and I had the
trash bags close by. I only had to look at him a little longer, then I could
forget about him. I closed my eyes and took a breath so I could steady myself.
I brought the knife up to his thigh first and started to cut. I sawed at his
leg. I closed my eyes and kept going and going. I only opened them to change
limps. I wanted to get this done and over with. I had his legs in a total of
four pieces and same with his arms. There was so much blood. Blood covered the
blanket and the ground. It was all over my hands and some got onto my pants.
This was the grossest thing I’ve ever done.
I stuffed the body parts into the trash bags and tied them tightly. I numbly
got up and threw them into an old hollow tree. Ironically, it’s the tree Erwin
and I carved our initials into. I touched it gently, leaving some blood on it.
“Levi, let’s use this tree.” Erwin led me over to it by my hand. He wanted to
do this, he said it was a classic that every couple needed to do. I wasn’t much
of a fan for it, but I agreed. He seemed so happy about it, and that’s the way
I liked him.
“What’s so special about this one?”
“I don’t know, it like calls to me…” He chuckled and got out a pocket knife. I
watched as he carved in our initials. The letters weren’t as smooth as I
would’ve liked, but it was on a tree with a small knife, so I don’t know what I
was expecting. I smiled a little and he looked over at me with so much love and
happiness. I couldn’t stop myself, I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his
neck tightly.
I shook my head, I couldn’t think of that. it was too late for those things. I
had Eren and Eren was the only one I needed. I folded up the blanket and
covered the blood stain up with leaves, it would soak into the ground
eventually. I carried everything back out to my car where I placed it back in
the trunk. I would need to clean the gun and knife. I could try to clean the
blanket, but if it’s stained I would just need to throw it away.
When I got back inside with everything I didn’t hear a single sound from Eren’s
room. He must still be sleeping. Perfect, that gives me enough time to clean
up. I didn’t waste any time and threw my clothes and the blanket into the
washer. I washed my knife and the sink after I was done. Then I sat out on the
porch and cleaned my shoes before coming back inside to clean out the basket. I
put it on a rack to dry before going to put the things into the dryer. Luckily
the blanket was blood free, I’m glad I didn’t wait any longer to wash it. After
that was done I put on some clean clothes and sat in the living room to clean
my gun before putting that back in it’s spot. Finally everything was in it’s
place and back to normal...As normal as everything could be.
I opened up Eren’s door, to my surprise he was already awake and crying into
his pillow.
Eren’s POV
Once the door opened up, I stiffened and sat up. Who was it? Was I going to get
hurt again? I held my breath and relaxed as I saw it was Levi. I wiped at my
eyes, but before I had a chance to hold him he was already before of me and he
was holding me tightly. “Eren, I’m so sorry...I wasn’t supposed to be gone that
long...I didn’t mean to be...Forgive me please?”
I sniffled and nodded, “W-Where were you? Levi...I was so scared….”
“Fuck I’m sorry….I didn’t mean to...I was...I was just making sure you wouldn’t
get hurt ever again, okay? I’m so sorry...I want you to feel safe
here...Please…” His voice cracked, was Levi going to cry?
“I-I feel safe when I’m with you….” I held onto the back of his shirt tightly.
I didn’t want him to ever leave me.
“Then I’ll keep holding you….I won’t let go until you say it’s okay to.” I
buried my face into Levi’s neck.
“I never want you to let go….”
“Heh, but you have to eat and stuff sometime…” Levi said quietly and I knew he
was smiling and something about knowing that made me smile too.
“Not if you keep holding me! I’ll be okay!” How was he able to cheer me up so
quickly? Maybe it was just being close to him that did it? His presence?
“Levi?”
“Yes Eren?”
“I love you….” I told him quietly and held him tighter. I felt him hold me
tighter too, but he didn’t say anything for a long time. I was scared I said
something wrong, maybe I was rushing this….Was it not the right time to say it?
Fuck...I fucked up, didn’t I?
“I love you too, Eren….” Levi kissed my shoulder and wouldn’t let me go,
eventually we laid down and cuddled. And I was happy with just that. I knew he
loved me too, I don’t know why I was so worried. Maybe, I was worried that I
would be rejected after I finally said it? but I wasn’t and that made my heart
skip a beat.
Chapter End Notes
     My tumbler: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/black-butler546
***** Day 56 *****
Chapter Notes
     This is a day late D: But the final chapter should be on Monday
     because finals will be over :D I'm sorry if this one wasn't that
     great! :/ But I really hope you guys like how this all gets
     concluded! I'll see you next week!
     Thank you for the comments and kudos and everything, I wasn't
     expecting this to be so popular!
     Enjoy! <3
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Day 56
“Levi...Erwin hasn’t been back in like a week….” I told him quietly, we were
laying in my bed.
“Yeah? So?” He held me tighter. “Isn’t that good?”
“I mean….I guess….But now you have to go to the store and stuff….”
Levi sighed, “You know I would take you with me if I could.”
“Why can’t you?” I was confused, he normally just told me I couldn’t go. He
hardly ever made up an excuse and when he did it was that he wouldn’t be gone
long or that it would be faster. But, it wasn’t fair, it was like he never
wanted to take me outside. He did take me out last night though, to the woods.
We...this is going to sound silly, but we had this little picnic.
We packed a basket and sandwiches and other snacks. Levi sat up a blanket and
we ate and cuddled to watch the stars. I think I ended up falling asleep
because the next thing I knew I was in bed with his arms around me. I’m not
sure how long he stayed out there after I fell asleep. I hope it wasn’t that
long, it was getting kind of chilly.
He told me that since I liked it so much we could try to do stuff like that
more often, but it had to be in the evening. And he didn’t want us to go to any
really public places….Which I guess is okay. He said he just didn’t like being
around all those people and he would rather it just be us two, and I was okay
with that. It was kind of sweet, if you think about it.
I’m still counting the days I’m with Levi. Today makes it fifty-six. Wow….
Almost two months with him. it seems so long ago that I….started to live here…
“Eren….If I take you out there with me someone is going to take you from me…”
“What? No! They won’t, no one else wants me!” I argued back, I just wanted to
be able to go out and be like a normal couple! Was that so hard to ask for!?
“But there are tons of people out there…”
“Like who?”
“Your friends and parents for one.” Levi kissed the back of my neck. ...Was he
talking about Armin? And mom and dad?
“...Why would they take me away from you….?”
“Let’s not talk about this.”
“Levi! Tell me!”
“Eren. No...They just don’t want you with me.” His tone was getting sharp.
But I continued to push the issue, “I’m sure if you talked to them they would
like you.”
“Eren, drop it. I said no.”
I stayed quiet for a while, “Fine.” I gave in, I always gave in. This isn’t the
first time we talked about this, and he always shot me down. “...Can I see
Armin sometime?” I asked quietly after a moment. A while ago he had promised
me. Actually it was a few nights ago, I was talking about my life before I met
him and he liked how I was smiling and how happy I was talking about it. So, he
promised I would be able to see him sometime.
“...Eren….”
“Levi! You promised!” I held his hand close to my body.
“I know...But, aren’t I enough?”
“Wha?”
“Aren’t I enough? Are you that unhappy with me that you need someone else here?
Do you really need him? You have me Eren. You’re enough for me...So, I should
be enough for you, right? Right….Eren…?” He sounded hurt. I bit my lip, I hurt
him, dammit. I didn’t mean to…
“N-No...You’re enough...I just...I haven’t seen him in a while…”
“And that’s okay, all your time and focus should be on me.” He nuzzled in me
and I smiled a little.
“Yeah...Okay….But--”
“But?” Levi let go of me and sat up. “But what, Eren? We just talked about it!
You don’t need anyone else. You’re fine with me. You’re happy with me. I’ll
satisfy any need you have! I swear!” He snapped at me, but I didn’t think he
was angry. His eyes gave him away. Those beautiful eyes that held so much pain.
“N-Nothing...I...Nothing...I promise….I like being with you…” I tried to
reassure him. He relaxed and kissed my cheek.
“I love you, Eren.”
“I love you too.”
“Hey, I’m sorry I yelled at you...But you shouldn’t talk about stupid shit that
we don’t need to talk about, okay? It makes me feel like you don’t want me and
that’s not true, right?”
“Of course not! I want you…” I held him close, “Levi I love you and I want to
be with you. I promise.” He hugged me back, tightly. “And it’s okay….It was my
fault...I’ll try not to ask things like that again.”
“Okay...Thank you….” He leaned away, “Do you want pizza for dinner?”
“Pizza? Don’t you hate the grease on it?”
“I do, but I also have a present for you tonight. So, it’s a special occasion.”
Levi smiled.
“Can I...Can I keep the chains off when you leave?”
“...Yeah….” He ruffled my hair. My heart was racing. I felt like it was going
to jump out of my chest. My throat felt like it was closing, I couldn’t take
this. The words I wanted to say were falling back down. My heart was racing and
I was feeling this way from a very simple question that I wanted to ask. But, I
didn’t have the courage to ask it. “What’s wrong?” He asked me. I guess you
could see the conflict on my face.
“Uh...Nothing.”
“Eren, no secrets.”
“....Well uh….” I looked down and fiddled with my fingers. “Can maybe…” I was
shaking, there was no way I could hide this. “...Can you ….Keep my door
unlocked….?” My voice squeaked and the whole room was dead quiet. You could
hear our quiet breathing, you could hear my heart racing. You could even hear
my shaking. That’s how quiet it was and with each second it felt like an
eternity. Every second lasted longer than the last and I couldn’t take it. I
felt like I might throw up from anxiousness.
“....The front door will be locked from the outside and the windows need to
stay covered and locked….” He finally told me and I looked up at his pale face,
my eyes probably had stars in them. If I had a tail it would be wagging five
hundred miles per hour.
“Seriously!?” I smiled widely, he was trusting me. Really fully and completely
trusting me with this! This was a new step in our relationship, it was almost
unbelievable. I held onto him so tightly I thought I was going to pop him open.
“Oh my god! Levi! Thank you so much! I-I’ll find stuff around the house and
make you something! Or maybe I’ll cook you some food!”
“Heh,” I felt him relax in my arms, “Don’t get ahead of yourself kid. Do you
even know how to cook?”
“Uh...Do you have any cookbooks?” I asked, I wasn’t going to let that stop my
fun. I wasn’t going to let anything rain on my parade.
“Yeah, I do. Let me go lock the windows and stuff and I’ll get some down for
you. Stay in here, I’ll be back.” Levi smiled and kissed my lips gently before
leaving the room.
~~~
After Levi let me out he hugged and kissed me again and I made sure i had
enough lights before he left. I had to keep the curtains back and the the door
closed. I wasn’t going to betray his trust by doing anything else.
I tried to make him cookies at first and just ended up getting flour all over
myself and the floor. He was going to be so mad at me...but then I tried to
make some chicken and ended up burning it, so I threw that away, good thing I
only tried it on a little part of it.
I had flour all over my bare feet and I started to run all over the house
looking for stuff to maybe make a collage. But, I came back with a box of
condoms, some buttons and glue. So that didn’t really work out. I looked in the
kitchen and didn’t find anything I could use. I sighed heavily and put
everything back, tracking more flour throughout the house.
After I gave up I sat on the couch and decided to just watch T.V. It was weird
though, he had all the News channels blocked. I wasn’t complaining, I mean the
News was pretty boring, I only watched it when Armin made me. So, I settled for
whatever cartoon was playing to hold my attention until Levi finally got back.
“I’m home!” Levi called after he shut the door and I turned off the T.V. and
rushed over to him.
“I uh, didn’t get to make you anything….” I told him shyly and looked down. He
followed my gaze and lifted up my chin so I looked him in the eyes.
“What did you try to make?”
“I tried to make cookies, but got flour everywhere and then I tried to make
chicken and burnt it…” I told him and wanted to pull away, after that night I
couldn’t really handle much touching. I wanted to get better. I didn’t want to
feel that way again. I didn’t want the thought of being touched to make me want
to vomit.
“Heh,” He looked past me, “Yeah, I’d say you got it everywhere. I’ll need to
clean the mess up.” He kissed me softly and let go of my chin.
“Can I have my present first?”
“Go in your room.” I smiled and ran off.
~~~
I was in my room for a good five minutes before Levi finally came in, “Okay,
close your eyes.” I did as I was told. I really wanted to know what it was. I
felt what was that? Cold metal? Slip around my neck, it wasn’t tight, it was
loose. “Okay, open them.” I looked down. It was a necklace...He bought me a
necklace...It was the white part of the yin and yang symbol. It was all white
with a black dot on it. “I have the other part of it.” He told me and I turned
around for us to push the pieces together.
“This is so sweet! Levi! I can’t believe it!” I smiled. I kissed him softly and
held him close to me. We stayed like that for a while until he let me go and
cleaned up the house. But, he kept my door open. I was allowed to leave my room
if I wanted...He was letting me...he trusted me…
And I needed to show him that I trusted him too. That I would trust him to take
my pain away like I’ve helped him.
~~~
Later that night I was holding onto the necklace he gave me, tightly. “Levi?” I
asked and he looked over at me, we were putting together a puzzle on the floor.
“Hmm? Did you find a piece?”
“No...I have something important to ask…”
“What is it?” He looked up and gave me his full attention.
“Well uh...I still...I still feel really dirty and stuff from that night and I
don’t want to feel that way anymore...And I thought that maybe if well...If we
did stuff….Then maybe I wouldn’t feel as bad anymore…”
“You want to have sex…?”
“Uh yeah...I want to make love with you…” I looked down, my face a bright red.
“Are you sure you’re ready? I don’t want to rush you…”
“I’m positive!” I told him and moved up onto the bed, “This is something I want
to do with you.”
“okay...Well, hold on…”
Levi left and when he came back he had his box of condoms and lube. We started
by kissing softly and it grew more and more passionate, but never rough. He
kept it gentle and with every step we moved further to going all the way he
would stop and ask if I was okay with it or not. I would always tell him I was
and he started to touch me. Running his hands across every inch of my skin,
slowly caressing me. It was a lot different than that night and I think I fell
for him more during that time.
After we finished and cleaned ourselves up, we stayed in boxers and just held
one another whispering how much we loved each other. It was beautiful, he was
beautiful. I liked being here and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Levi was
sweet and probably one of the best boyfriends I would ever have. I didn’t want
to let him go, never. I didn’t want to leave. This moment was my everything,
just whispering to one another and holding each other. He kept me warm, he was
my other half, the one I wanted to be with forever. I didn’t think anything
could ruin this until….
I heard the faint sirens of police cars in the distance.
Chapter End Notes
     My tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/black-butler546
***** Epilogue *****
Chapter Notes
     Omg guys!! The last chapter!! I really hope you guys have enjoyed
     this story! I kind of wished that I made it longer! Ah, I can't
     believe it's the end! Thanks to all of you guys that have read it
     from the very beginning! And thanks for all the lovely comments and
     kudos and everything <3 I'm really glad you all liked this story a
     lot!
     I have another story getting planned out xD (A few actually, but I'm
     gonna take a break for a while before writing them) :3 Well, enjoy
     this chapter!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Epilogue
“So….Eren, you’ve been here for a while….Tell me how your story ends?”
I nodded and moved in my seat, I was a bit uncomfortable. “Yeah uh….Well...The
police showed up….And they took him away…..And then not long after they went to
court and I guess they found a body with his prints on it….And tried to say he
kidnapped me. But Levi didn’t! Erwin just left and I was there because I wanted
to be! But no one would listen….” My throat was closing and I knew I was going
to cry. “A-And I ran over to him and held on before they could take him….But
one of the guards pulled me off of Levi….I-I just...M-Miss...Zoe….I miss
him….They won’t let me visit….A-And…” I wiped at my eyes, I was worried the
tears were falling.
She glanced at the clock and back at me, “Eren….Thank you for telling me
everything that happened while you were there…” She paused and wrote down a few
things. “This was a great first session and I would like to talk more
about...Hmm...Your mental state when you come back...When would you like to
schedule it?” She pulled out a large book and flipped it open.
“I guess next week….” I sighed and tried to make myself better, I knew my
parents wanted me to go once a week. I was started to think that they were the
problem. Same with Armin. They all think something is wrong for me and they
don’t like Levi….He was so sweet and nice and I just don’t fucking get it.
“Hmmm same time as today? I have one open on Wednesday or Friday…”
“Wednesday…” I whispered. I didn’t want to spend part of my weekend here. I
missed about two months of school...I had a lot to catch up on too...I didn’t
have time to be here. I wanted to be with Levi, I wanted to see him and he
could help me with school and everything….
“Okay.” She smiled, “Eren, we’re gonna get you back to how you used to be in no
time.” We stood up and she walked me out. My dad had paid when he dropped me
off. “Eren, do you have a ride? It’s late…” She told me, it was eight at night,
I was her last appointment.
“Yeah, I’m fine. My mom is gonna get me…” I told her and walked out. I made
sure she wasn’t looking and I started to walk home, the long way. I didn’t like
that I lied to her, she seemed nice...But, I didn’t want to ride in a car. I
wanted to walk because...Maybe….I still had a chance to see Levi again. I could
pretend that he wasn’t actually locked up somewhere he didn’t belong and that
he was out here looking for me. Waiting to take me back home so we could put
together new puzzles and read more books. We could cook more things and watch
more movies. We could do everything couples do together and I wouldn’t be
happier...But instead….This is reality.
I tucked my hands into my jacket pockets and walked along the side of the
street. Every shadow made me look twice in hopes that it was him. I knew it
never would be….But I could hope right?
~~~~
“Eren! Where have you been?!” My mom frantically asked me when I walked inside.
“I was walking home.”
“Eren! I told you to call so we could get you!” She pulled at my ear.
“I wanted to walk, okay?” I whined and she finally let go with a sigh.
“Eren, he’s locked away where he belongs.” My dad spoke up and it was like his
words shot right through my heart.
“Dad--” I was going to argue but he stopped me.
“It’s been a long day, go get ready for bed, you have school tomorrow. When is
your next appointment?”
“Wednesday…” I told him and went up the steps without looking back. That’s how
they always were. He wasn’t a monster! I loved him! He was my lover, my
boyfriend, my other half! I could have had a future with him! And now that’s
all gone because of my stupid family and the cops! Why couldn’t they have left
us be!?
~~~
I was laying down in bed and had been for a few hours. I just couldn’t sleep,
images of Levi would flash through my head and send butterflies to my stomach.
I missed his soft kisses and his hugs and how he would hold me...I miss
everything about him...It wasn’t fair that I couldn’t have him!
My eyes were burning, I was tired and could hardly hold them open. I rolled
onto my side and stared out my open window. I had hope that Levi might come for
me, so I kept it open for him. So far he hasn’t, but I was keeping my fingers
crossed….
And before my eyes finally closed and my brain turned off to go to sleep….In
that split second….I swore….I saw someone coming into my window….A short figure
with dark hair….I couldn’t have been imagining it, i just couldn’t have
been….Levi came back for me and he was going to love me forever like he
promised….Right? I wasn’t crazy...I couldn’t be….
What was so crazy about being in love? No….Is this really love? Or is it
something else? Something bigger than that...Something that can’t be explained
with words and a feeling my heart can’t hold….God I love him...
Chapter End Notes
     My tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/black-butler546
***** Alternative Ending *****
Chapter Notes
     I know a lot of you guys have been wanting them to end up together.
     So I wrote an alternative ending. you guys can now dub this one as
     the official ending if you please xD I really appreciate all the
     kudos and reads and comments this fic has been given, even after the
     updates stopped! :) It makes me happy to hear that this fic is a lot
     of your guy's favorites :) <3 I hope this ending doesn't fail to
     please the rest of you!
     I have other fan fics ideas, I just got to make notes for it and type
     it :) So hopefully those will be done sooner rather than later :) But
     that's enough of that.
     I really hope you guys enjoy this ending :)
Alternative Ending~
I tensed up when I heard the sirens. Levi must have felt me, I would have been
worried if he hadn’t since he was holding me. “Shh, it’s going to be okay….” He
whispered into my ear.
“M-Maybe it’s for someone else…?”
“I don’t live near many people, so unless it’s a car chase I doubt it….” He
rubbed my bare back.
“C-Can you check….?” My voice was shaky and I was scared. I didn’t want him to
let go of my body. His flesh, which was cooler than mine, was keeping me warm.
“Yeah…” His voice didn’t have the same caring element that it had before. It
was short and distant. What was he thinking about? What happened in those few
seconds to cause his tone to change as much as it did? Was he actually as
scared as I was? But why would he be scared? I didn’t even know why I was
scared...I was with Levi willingly and he didn’t break any laws and I didn’t
either...But something in me...Something in my subconscious was telling me
otherwise. It was telling me to be careful, that something was wrong….
He got out of bed and I followed shortly after. I didn’t want him out of my
sight, I was worried that something would happen if I couldn’t see him. “Stay
back.” He told me and I stopped in the hallway.
“Why?”
“I don’t want them to see you.” He walked forward more and I followed. “Eren,
dammit. Stay back.” He was pleading, begging me. Why? But, it was enough to
make me stay still this time. I heard him move his curtains, the sirens were
loud. They were right in front of his house. I peeked around the corner and saw
the red and blue lights flashing onto his face. “Eren, go back into your room.
They’re coming to the door.”
“Why--”
“Eren! Please!” He hissed at me and I knew this was important to him, I didn’t
understand why and I wasn’t sure if he would ever explain it to me. But, I
listened, that’s what I was best at. I went into my room and closed the door.
My heart was racing and I was trying my best to listen, but I couldn’t hear
what was being said. It felt like it went on forever, and I was scared that I
was going to be left alone again just like that day. I shook my head to get the
thoughts to leave me. I ran into my bathroom, I suddenly had the urge to vomit.
I opened the toilet seat and leaned over it. It had to be my nerves, my stomach
was in knots. What were they talking about? What was going to happen to me? To
Levi? They weren’t going to take one of us away, right? I wouldn’t let that
happen...I would fight them!
“Eren….” Levi whispered and he was down by me, rubbing my back. I didn’t even
know he had come into my room. “It’s going to be okay...Did you get sick?”
“N-Not yet…” I whined and turned around so I was buried in his chest. “What did
they want?”
“....” He ran his hands through my hair and held me tightly on the cold
bathroom floor. “There’s a uh, missing kid and they’ve already asked around the
town so they started asking people that live further out.”
“Who’s missing?”
“Oh, some girl….I think her name was Emily.” He held me tighter, his heart beat
always calmed me down. It was slow and normal and clam. “Let’s get you back in
bed.” Levi stood and picked me up with him. He walked us over to the bed and
laid us back down. I was back in his arms where I belonged and would always be.
~~~
It’s been about a year since the police had asked about that Emily girl. I
stopped keeping track of the exact amount of days I had been with Levi. I no
longer felt the need to. Everyday was amazing with him. It didn’t matter if we
stayed in and watched movies or played games, which he had bought a lot more
of. Or if we cooked things or just read. Or sometimes I think my favorite days
with him are the days where we just lay in bed and cuddle all day and night.
Where we can just stay up all night talking about everything in the world. I’ve
gotten a lot closer to Levi, I feel like I know him like the back of my hand
and he certainly knows me well.
Today was going to be a surprise. I had a blindfold over my eyes and I was
sitting in the passenger seat of his car. It was about one in the morning and
pitch black out, I didn’t know why I needed my eyes covered too. But, I didn’t
want to ruin the surprise. Finally he stopped driving and told me to wait a
second. After he got done in the trunk, I heard him open my door and he picked
me up like a bride. I held onto his neck and heard him close my door. “Where
are we going?” I whispered, I felt like this needed to be whispered. It was the
what I was getting from the atmosphere, I didn’t want to ruin the mood. We were
outside, I could feel the breeze and hear him crunch leaves and sticks as he
walked. He kissed my cheek and didn’t answer. I took that as him telling me not
to ask again. I smiled to myself and bit my lip, I was so giddy.
“Stand here…” He whispered and put me down, I swayed a little, but he helped me
keep balance. I heard him messing around with things for a few minutes. “Take
off the blindfold.” Those four words that I had been waiting to hear for about
an hour now and I couldn’t rip the blindfold off faster. My eyes widened and I
covered my mouth. He had a blanket laid out in the middle of the woods. Rose
petals covered the blanket and the ground around it. On one of the corners he
even had a stereotypical picnic basket. Tears filled my eyes, and I choked out
his name. He chuckled at me and held me close, “Don’t die on me.” He pulled me
down and kissed my lips gently. Before I could say another word he led me to
the blanket and pulled me down with him. “I know what you’re
thinking...Eren….And I’m not proposing...Not tonight anyways.” My heart was
still racing, he wasn’t proposing? If he wasn’t then what was all of this for?!
“Levi…”
“Don’t look so disappointed…” He told me and I tried to cheer up, I mean he was
doing all of this for me. “I’m not proposing, I don’t have a ring….But...I have
something better….” He pulled the picnic basket over and took out a small box.
“Open it.” And I did. My curiosity was through the roof. As I was opening it
Levi started to talk again. “Now...Eren….” He swallowed, “I want you to
know...You are my everything. You mean the world to me...You always have and
you always will until I die. Even in death. Got that? No one is going to change
that. And I mean no one. I’ve protected you for about a year and a half now.
I’m never leaving you and so I guess…..I’m promising to be your everything and
to never leave you...So….” I opened the box that was in the box and….it was a
bracelet. A bracelet with a key hanging from it. It was beautiful, there was a
little note inside under where the bracelet was and it said:
A key to my heart.
“I’m asking you to promise the same thing…” I smiled widely and couldn’t stop
the tears from falling down my cheeks. I slipped it on and held the necklace he
gave me a while ago. It was around my neck too, I nodded quickly.
“Yes! Of course…” I lowered my voice as the tears fell more, “Of course
Levi….I’d never leave. Never.” I hugged him close.
After we held each other for a while we ended up laying on the blanket and I
laid on his chest. We watched the stars and the trees move in the breeze. I was
going to be Levi’s forever….And hopefully one day he would propose to me. “I
love you, Levi…” I whispered and I felt him kiss my head and tighten his hold
around me.
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