Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/5876836.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      Multi
  Fandom:
      D.Gray-man
  Relationship:
      Kanda_Yuu/Lavi, Lenalee_Lee/Allen_Walker
  Character:
      Kanda_Yuu, Lavi, Allen_Walker, Lenalee_Lee, Miranda_Lotto, Sennen
      Hakushaku_|_Millennium_Earl, Road_Kamelot
  Additional Tags:
      Tons_of_OCs, Time_Travel, Torture, Rape, mental_breakdowns, Romance,
      Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Child_Abuse, Past_Child_Abuse, Suicide_Attempt,
      Suicidal_Thoughts, Anal_Sex
  Stats:
      Published: 2009-02-11 Completed: 2016-02-01 Chapters: 36/36 Words: 301025
****** Innocent Rain ******
by Saxon_Jesus
Summary
     One hundred and fourteen years after the supposed "final battle" with
     the Earl, Allen, Lenalee, Lavi, Kanda, and Miranda awake to discover
     that their enemies were not as vanquished as they had thought...
     This work was originally published back in 2009 on ff.net and LJ. IT
     IS DATED. It was started back when Hoshino was on Hiatus in 2009 so
     it does not reflect current theories and information. I included most
     of the original end of chapter author notes. Also keep in mind that
     this is the first fic we ever wrote so, bear with us.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** Awakenings *****
Prologue—Awakenings
June 6, 2013—London
No one was sure why the Underground train stalled suddenly in the tunnel,
rocking with the force of an unknown impact. The lights flickered, and then
died; silence reigned. The passengers heard a strange, mechanical whine coming
from outside the car. Suddenly, the train shook violently as a large explosion
ripped a hole into its side. Stunned passengers stared, silent.
“Everybody get the fuck down!” A girl yelled, running from the tunnel outside
and into the cabin. She was peculiarly dressed, sporting a long, black coat
adorned with white crosses and the insignia of the rumored Dark Order. The car
was silent with the bewildered passengers, none of whom could move from shock.
“I’m fucking serious!” The girl yelled. A moment later, the wall of the
Underground, so carefully constructed by generations past, exploded, sending
dust and fragments of rock through the windows and leaving dents in the strong,
metal siding. The passengers watched, transfixed, as a shining green object
spun unearthly fast toward the girl, who caught it deftly.
As the dust and debris cleared from the air, the passengers were able to see
the ominous, round shape of the nightmarish creature known as an Akuma. Few
hadn’t heard of the legendary battle fought over one hundred years ago, headed
by the Dark Order’s fighters known as Exorcists, but the story had long ago
become just that—a legend.
The telltale whine of the Akuma cannons charging prompted the girl to fling the
green thing from her body, toward the menacing creature. “Innocence!” She
shouted. “Boomerang!”
The Akuma stood no chance as the green object literally tore through its tough
armor and back to the girl.
“Everybody down, NOW!” The girl shouted, dropping to her knees and covering her
head as she did so. A moment later, a huge explosion rippled through the dank,
underground air. Fire licked the side of the cabin, and some were unlucky
enough to have their hair or clothes catch the flames.
Silence continued to hold the passengers, and after nearly a minute, the girl
sighed in apparent relief. Then, getting up, she stalked off through the hole
in the train and out of sight.
---
June 6, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch, two hours later
Amanda sighed as she stepped out of the elevator to the Main Branch of the Dark
Order. She knew she would have to give a tiresome report of her elimination of
the three level ones she’d just taken out, and what she really wanted was a
nice, warm shower to wash off the grime from the Underground… but duty called,
and she was needed. Exorcists were rare these days, with only eighteen of them
around the world, and even though she detested them, the reports helped monitor
Akuma activities.
“Director Smith, I’ve got the Innocence you wanted me to collect,” she said as
she reached his desk. He was a foreboding man, with a tall, intimidating figure
that was all brawn and a thick, handlebar mustache whose color matched his
graying black hair. He stared down at her with the air of someone about to give
a dressing-down, and though Amanda wanted nothing more than to hide from that
gaze, she stared right back, hoping she showed no weakness.
“Good. Did you run into any trouble?” The man asked, his deep voice seeming to
resound through the large, circular office.
“None, really, just a few Akuma here and there…” She paused, not wanting to
tell him that she’d destroyed most of the London Underground in the process.
Even if the media did blame terrorists again.
“Oh, really?” The man asked, penetrating her with his best ‘I-know-you’re-
hiding-something-so-‘fess-up’ glare.
“Well, there may have been… some, uh, trouble on the way back.” The Director’s
eyebrows raised a good half-inch. “Um… involving a train car,
explosions…exposing our secret…” Her voice trailed off, and she desperately
hoped that the intimidating man hadn’t heard her last comment. She turned her
gaze to the director, suppressing a cringe. Instead, she felt shock flow
through her system as the man began unfolding a newspaper.
“I’d noticed,” the man said with a menacing undertone. “Do you recognize this
picture?” He asked, and to her horror, Amanda saw a side view of her in her
Exorcist jacket lobbing her discus Innocence at a shadow in the background.
“Ummmm… no?” She tried, hoping to escape punishment but knowing it was already
too late.
“You know what the punishment is for exposing our secret, don’t you?” He said,
cocking an eyebrow with a maniacal glint in his eye.
“No!” Amanda shouted. “No, no, no! Anything but that!”
“Yes,” Director Smith said. “That.”
“No!” Amanda wailed, but the Director simply handed her the Innocence she had
brought back, placing it softly in her hand.
“Go on, now,” he said evilly. “She’s waiting for you.”
Amanda harrumphed, and giving him a mock salute, she left the Director’s
office.
The bowels of the Black Order were always dank and musty from lack of use, but
Amanda hated none of them more than Hevlaska’s Chamber. It wasn’t that she
particularly disliked her, but Amanda was just… creeped out by her, for lack of
a better term. The way she seemed omniscient, carelessly making prophecies here
and there, using big phrases like “Destroyer of Time” and “The Awakening is
upon us” and other bologna like that—it just… bothered her.
She descended, unwilling as she was, to Hevlaska’s Chamber, fully intending to
give the ancient Exorcist the Innocence before holing herself up in a corner of
the vast room until Director Smith decided to take mercy upon her aggrievèd
soul. Spending the next month as Hevlaska’s personal conversationalist was not
her favorite job, but mostly the sentence was cut short the next time the
punished was given a new mission.
Sighing for what was probably the hundredth time that day; she disembarked from
the elevator and walked over to Hevlaska.
“Innocence for ya, Hev,” she said, resigning herself to her fate.
To her surprise, there was no response.
“Um, Hev, didja hear me?” Amanda asked, worried despite herself. She leaned
over the side of the railing. She gasped. Quickly, she ran over to the small
service elevator that reached the bottom of Hevlaska’s Chamber and threw
herself onto it, depressing the down button the second she could reach it. It
descended painfully slowly, and Amanda’s heart raced as she ran to the ancient
Exorcist. Hevlaska seemed to be in acute pain, curled in upon herself like
someone about to lose the contents of her stomach. Amanda could hear a slow
chant coming from Hevlaska, though the words were in no language she could
understand. Perhaps Latin, she thought dimly, her mind clouded with panic. And
then, to her horror, Hevlaska gave a huge… shudder was the only word for it…
and regurgitated four Innocence-green crystals. A moment later, Hevlaska
shuddered more violently and spat out what looked horrifyingly like a mummy.
Amanda dropped the Innocence she had taken so much trouble to obtain. She
stood, mesmerized by the happenings she wasn’t quite sure she wanted to see.
----
The ground was a lot harder and colder than it had been the last time he’d been
thrown down. And, more distressingly, it had gotten much quieter. Instead of
the loud explosions of Akuma all around him and grunts and pants of fighting
Exorcists, there was a deep, encompassing silence. It wasn’t the silence of a
field just after battle—even then, Lavi knew from experience, there were
screams from the wounded and agonized cries from the friends of the dead. The
stillness reminded Lavi of a library, but the quality of it, as well as the
slight wind that seemed to be stirring off to his left, made him think of
something much different, a place he had only been to a handful of times. Lavi
opened his eye a fraction and found his hypothesis to be correct; he was,
indeed, in Hevlaska’s Chamber.
Interesting, he thought, groping automatically for Oodzuchi Kodzuchi and
feeling nothing but air. He grasped quickly at his last memories before the
darkness. There was Allen, fighting in the air with the Earl, displaying his
determined expression as he skillfully blocked and parried every attempt his
enemy made on him. To his right was Bookman, puncturing all nearby Akuma with
his Heaven’s Compass needles. On the far end, Lenalee and Chaoji battled side
by side, and to his left, he saw a shaded Exorcist leaping from Akuma to Akuma.
Kanda, exactly ten meters behind him and five and a half centimeters to the
right, was fighting with Road Kamelot, who, despite his best efforts on the Ark
three years prior, had not died. Kanda was steadily wearing her down, though,
and Lavi figured it was only a matter of time until his reluctant friend killed
her completely. It smelled strongly of gun-powder and smoke. He could hear all
the proper sounds of Exorcists fighting: activating their Innocence’s more
powerful levels, swings of blades, shots of guns, and pounding of boots
(Lenalee’s, of course). Then, suddenly, the sky turned dark for a moment,
disorienting them all. A large shock shot them back a second before an
earsplitting boom echoed out, destroying everyone’s eardrums. Lavi felt his own
bleed, and he picked up a hand to verify it, when… he was on the hard,
unforgiving ground of Hevlaska’s Chamber.
He ran the memories through his mind again, but he could only dredge up the
memory of… nothingness, much like Lavi felt after a deep meditation on the
meaning of being a Bookman.
He heard moans and turned his head to the right to see Allen and Lenalee on the
ground. Gazing to his left, he saw Miranda almost a meter and a half away. His
heart clenched for a second before he realized that just three quarters of a
meter from him was Kanda. He breathed a sigh of relief before realizing what he
was doing. Quickly, he repressed the feelings of panic and relief. You’re a
Bookman, he told himself. You can’t feel these things.
A murmured whisper of “Gege” alerted Lavi that Lenalee was awake and already
calling for her older brother. Next to her, Allen stirred.
“Lena…lee…” he mumbled, probably unaware of having done so. It was obvious the
two were in love, but for the past three years, they’d been doing nothing but
tip-toeing around each other, despite Lavi’s best attempts at matchmaking.
There was a grunt exactly three quarters of a meter to his left, and he heard
fabric stir as Kanda stood.
The only one to make no noise was Miranda, but she seemed to be stirring more
silently, and when Lavi paid attention, he realized her breathing had picked up
like someone just coming out of a deep sleep. She would be getting up in a
moment, so Lavi could safely keep his gaze from her and spend more effort
trying to figure out just how they’d gotten—
A gasp, loud and echoing, resounded through the Chamber, and Lavi, feeling
dumb, looked to his right. At the small service elevator stood a young, female
Exorcist Lavi had never seen before. She had to be an Exorcist, as she was
dressed in a jacket bearing the Order’s crest, and there was a piece of
Innocence, likely to be given to Hevlaska, at her feet. She was maybe around
167.6 centimeters in height with light brown hair held up in a strong pony tail
that reached just past the base of her neck. Her eyes, just slightly larger
than average, showed surprise in their dark brown depths, and her petite nose
and full lips completed the face of a definite strike!
She pulled a strange, small device from her pocket, and after flipping part of
it up and pressing a few buttons, held it to her ear. After a short pause, she
began to speak into it.
“Director,” she said, her voice revealing copious amounts of urgency. “Um, I
think… well, there’s… well, actually I have no idea—” she paused, and if Lavi
listened intently, he could hear a small noise coming from the device. “Yes, I
have a reason for—yes—yes—WHAT!?” She pulled the device away from her ear, and
flipping it into itself again, placed it back into her pocket.
She looked over at them with the obvious air of someone in a very, very
uncomfortable situation.
“So,” she said as Lavi heard sounds of hands brushing off fabric from Miranda’s
position. “Um. I’m Amanda.” She paused, smiling awkwardly at the obviously
battle-weary group in front of her. No one responded with any greetings, so she
shifted uncomfortably before adding. “Um, who’re you guys?”
“I’m Lavi,” he said and immediately regretted it. His voice came out as a
croak, as if he hadn’t had any water in a long time. Pausing to clear his
throat, he added, “and they’re Allen and Lenalee, and behind me are Yuu—er,
Kanda—and Miranda.” His voice, damn it all, was still scratchy, but he managed
to articulate enough for the other Exorcist to hear as he named each companion.
Shock spread across the girl’s face like an out of control wildfire. Her mouth
went so far as to open just the slightest bit, as if she had been told that
Jesus had returned for the Second Coming and was standing before her for all to
see.
“W-wait,” she said slowly, as if she was wracking her brain for an elusive
thought. “Hold on a second. You’re telling me that that kid over there is Allen
fucking Walker?” She asked, pointing almost accusingly at the white-haired
Exorcist.
“Er, yeah,” Lavi responded, deadpan.
“Allen fucking Walker?” She whispered to herself, seemingly amazed. Then,
directing her attention back to Lavi, she added, “You mean to tell me that that
kid is Allen Walker, the Destroyer of Time, the fifteen-year-old General, the
kid who disappeared after the last battle with the Earl?” Her tone was
incredulous, as if Jesus had told her that the Earth was, indeed, flat.
Lavi didn’t quite know how to respond, so he kept it simple. “Yes.”
The girl—Amanda, Lavi reminded himself—simply gaped for a moment before
reaching back into her pocket and removing the device again. She flipped it
open again and poked a button on the side as she brought it up to her ear.
“Director,” she said her speech oddly monotone. She didn’t speak for a while
until—“Director, get your fucking ass down here! It’s Allen fucking Walker!”
This time, there was no response. Snapping the object closed again, she
replaced it in her long, floor-length Exorcist jacket.
Looking at Allen, her expression showed mild curiosity. “Hey, Bean Sprout…” she
began. Allen tensed.
“Don’t call me ‘Bean Sprout,’” he said, his voice cracking just as Lavi’s had
at first.
“Why? All the books say that was your nickname,” Amanda said innocently.
“Kaaaandaaaa…” Allen growled menacingly, turning his head to glare at the man
three quarters of a meter behind Lavi.
“Shut up, Moyashi,” Kanda replied, though his tone inferred that it was a more
automatic response than one he’d thought to use.
“My name is Allen,” Allen responded icily, completing the verbal ritual between
the two.
“You don’t like being called Bean Sprout?” Amanda said, butting into the short
conversation that excluded all but the two Exorcists.
“Would you?” Allen questioned.
“Well, anyway, what’s that on your head?” Amanda continued quickly, waving her
hand dismissively.
“Eh?” Looking up, Allen smiled broadly. “Oh, that’s just Timcanpy, my golem.”
“Looks a bit like the Golden Snitch,” Amanda remarked, private amusement
showing on her face.
“What’s a ‘Golden Snitch?’?” Lavi asked, genuinely curious. It was obvious from
the way the girl spoke that they’d been asleep for a while, which would explain
why he didn’t get what she was referring to. Also, the girl spoke with the
strangest accent he’d ever heard. It sounded vaguely American, but all the
inflections were wrong, and she spoke with a mouth even Kanda could be proud
of. She looked at Lavi with astonishment.
“You haven’t read—” she paused. “Oh, right. You’ve all been asleep forever. You
wouldn’t know… Jesus Christ…” She faded off, and Lavi let her.
He was about to ask her again what this “Golden Snitch” object was when the
door to Hevlaska’s chamber opened with a bang. The service lift rose to the top
and was soon back down, regurgitating a tall, burly man with salt-and-pepper
hair. Behind the intimidating man stood two men in white coats who could only
be the man’s lackeys. Lavi took in every detail he could, memorizing postures
and features of the three men. It was obvious from the burly man’s posture and
expression that he was in charge, probably of the entire Main Branch. What had
happened to Komui?
Before he could ask, though, Lenalee stood up, shocked. “Where’sGege?”
The Director paused, looking at Lavi’s comrade, before answering with an
eloquent, “what?”
“Komui. Where is Komui?” Lenalee asked, her voice becoming more worried with
each syllable.
“Komui…” the Director repeated, and suddenly his eyes went wide with
understanding. “Komui Lee is dead, along with everyone else you knew.”
Lenalee looked stricken. Allen stood up and grabbed her before she could fall
to her knees. Tears started to leak from her dark brown eyes as what the
Director said struck home.
“Dead?” She repeated her voice disbelieving. Allen pulled her close, hugging
her, and Lenalee relaxed in to the embrace, though her eyes never left those of
the burly man.
“Yes, a long time ago,” the man confirmed. “I’m sorry.”
Lenalee shook and hid her face in Allen’s shoulder. Allen put his chin on her
head and rubbed his hands comfortingly on her back. Quietly, he said, “It’s
okay, Lenalee, we’ll make new friends and rebuild your world.”
Lavi gave a low whistle. “Smooth, Allen,” he said. He wanted to improve the
sudden somber mood of the room, and perhaps that comment would bring Lenalee
back from her private grief. Allen glared darkly at Lavi, his gaze saying that
he would kill the other man if he so much as uttered another sound. He got a
whap on the back of his head and realized that Kanda had moved directly behind
him. He tried to stop his heart from pounding at the thought. Fixing Kanda’s
new position in his head, he turned back to the Director. He was definitely
British, but just like the American girl, he was using inflections that seemed
to be from another age. Just how long had they been asleep?
***** 21st Century Men *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_1—21st_Century_Men
June 6, 2013
“So what is a Golden Snitch?” Lavi asked curiously as the five of them and
Amanda sat down in the Order’s dining hall.
“Oh,” said Amanda, face brightening with the topic. “It’s this magical golden
ball with wings used in a fictional sport called Quidditch.”
Lavi stared at her. “Forget I asked,” he said blankly, making a mental note to
ask for a copy of whatever book that was from.
Lenalee, sitting on his left side, picked lightly at her food, obviously having
lost her appetite. Lavi couldn’t blame her, but none of them had had more than
a few bites to eat during the thirty-six-hour-long battle against the Earl. And
that was before they had all been encased in their Innocence for 114 years.
“Lenalee, you should eat something. Just look at Allen,” he remarked, gesturing
to the boy sitting across from them, his body obscured by the piles of food in
front of him. Every once in a while, crumbs flew across the table, hitting
their faces or landing in their food. Amanda stared in wonder.
“Never seen a parasitic-type before?” Lavi asked, stuffing a forkful of tender
steak into his mouth.
“No, I have, it’s just the only other person who eats like that is Lolek,” she
replied. Lolek, Lavi repeated to himself. Sounded Polish. He vaguely wondered
if the man was in the room and scanned for another pile of plates. Seeing none,
he turned back to Amanda, giving her a questioning glance.
“Oh, he’s off on a mission,” she said, correctly interpreting Lavi’s
expression. “Actually, we were on a mission together, but we got separated
halfway back. He’ll be back soon enough, I wouldn’t worry.” Lavi wasn’t
worried.
Kanda stood up grimly, scoffing as he swept out of the room.
“Wha’s wong wif ‘im?” Amanda asked through an atrociously large mouthful of
food.
“He’s just angry because the Order doesn’t serve Japanese food,” Lavi replied,
taking another bite. “I fink ‘e acshally misses Jewwy a bit.”
“Who doesn’t?” Lenalee whispered into her plate. Without meaning to, Lavi put
his left hand on her shoulder. Lavi understood. As much as he tried not to, he
still missed Bookman. The second after he had gotten the year from the
Director, he had understood the truth immediately. Not wanting to believe it,
he had gone to Hevlaska and asked her if she was keeping anyone else in her
Innocence storage units. She had responded negatively, and Lavi had to hold
back the tears that he wanted to promise himself weren’t about to spill from
his eye.
Clearing her throat, Amanda forced a smiling expression on her face. Then,
surprisingly, her eyes lit up in joy, and she waved someone over.
“Mr. Darcy!” She cried out in a horrible approximation of a British accent.
“Come over here!”
An angry growl echoed across the room, but a few moments later, someone sat on
Lavi’s blind side. Slightly irritated, Lavi turned his head to see the newest
arrival. He was Irish, Lavi noticed, with ginger-red hair much lighter than
Lavi’s own. He had green-grey eyes and freckles that stood out starkly against
the palest skin Lavi had ever seen. Overall, he looked absolutely nothing like
the Darcy in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice.
“I told you,” the man said, outraged. “It’s O’Connell or at least Darce.”
“Nope, not gonna happen!” Amanda replied cheerfully. “Your name is Darcy. Blame
your parents, not me.”
“I’d prefer not to be compared to a fictional character, if you don’t mind,”
Darcy replied in an Irish lilt.
“Hello, Mr. Darcy!” Lavi crowed in a perfect imitation of Allen’s accent.
“Lovely day out, eh what?” The man turned his stony glare to his neighbor.
“Haven’t seen you before. What’s your name?” He asked suddenly.
“Lavi. And over there—y’see the kid behind the big pile o’ plates? That’s Allen
Walker.” He sounded as if he was divulging the world’s biggest secret, stage
whispering his comrade’s name into the other man’s ear.
“WHAT!?” The Irish man shouted out. “Don’t kid, kid,” he said.
“No, it’s true, Mr. Darcy,” Amanda said earnestly. She pulled Allen from behind
his slowly shrinking pile of food. “See?”
The other man dropped his fork and stared. As the metal object hit the ground,
the man blinked then muttered “shit!” as he bent down to pick it up.
“Would you stop making a spectacle out of me every time we see someone new,
Lavi?” Allen asked, his speech as polite as ever, even behind his annoyed tone.
“Say, Mr. Darcy, do you play cards?” Lavi asked pointedly, ignoring the kid. He
loved watching Allen's Black side.
“Not much, but I have a violin.”
Allen’s head shot up from behind his pile.
“Can I play?” He asked urgently.
“Sure,” Darcy said. “Do you mind grabbing it, Amanda? I haven’t had anything to
eat, or I’d get it myself—”
“Anything for you, Mr. Darcy,” Amanda said, trotting out of the room with a
smirk on her face. Lavi had the distinct impression that he would get along
with her well.
Lenalee, still stirring her food despondently around her plate, seemed to be in
a world of her own. Lavi knew she wouldn’t allow this otherwise, but he wanted
to see how well Allen could still control it. Lavi himself wasn’t doing well
with his own self-control, feeling things he shouldn’t be allowing himself, so
he was sure Allen might also be having troubles.
Amanda ran back into the room, breathless, but carrying a long, rectangular
case. Allen quickly grabbed it from her, pausing only to wipe his hands off on
his pristine napkin. His hands trembled slightly in anticipation as he opened
the case. He pulled the violin out carefully, resting it on the table before
unhooking the bow. Twisting the end deftly, he tightened the horse hair until
it was roughly one and a half centimeters from the polished wood. Reaching into
a pocket of the case, he pulled out a block of rosin. It was then that he
paused.
“Have you used rosin recently?” He asked of Darcy. The man shook his head
negatively, and Allen proceeded to pull the block across the hair. Then,
grabbing the violin, he placed it on his left shoulder and brought the bow up.
He closed his eyes, which worried Lavi slightly, and began to play an Irish
fiddle tune.
A moment later, he began singing in an Irish accent. Lavi’s heart clenched. He
felt Lenalee tense next to him.
“In the merry month of May, from my home I started…” Allen sang. Lenalee pulled
away from the bench and went over to him. Grabbing his right hand, she stilled
the bow before pulling it away from him entirely. She snatched the violin from
him, and when Allen continued to sing, she put the violin on the bench next to
Darcy and then turned back to him. She slapped him across the face, hard enough
that his head snapped to the right. He immediately quieted.
“What did I tell you about music, Allen?” She hissed. Her voice was cold and
without emotion. Lavi knew how much it hurt her to do this, but he noticed
Allen’s skin had darkened, just slightly. Lavi knew, even though he couldn’t
see Allen’s eyes, that they had turned to the characteristic gold of the Noah
that he was.
The boy blinked, and when he turned back to Lenalee, looking sheepish, his skin
and eyes had regained their normal pigmentation. Lenalee glared, and then
pulled his arm, dragging him from the room.
Lavi looked back at the two other Exorcists at the table, wondering how much
they had noticed. Not much, he concluded after a moment. Both seemed genuinely
shocked by Lenalee’s reaction, rather than Allen.
“Sorry about that. Sometimes, when Allen plays music, Lenalee gets mad. It, er,
reminds her of the people we’ve lost.” He hoped no one would remark on why an
Irish tune would bother the Chinese girl, and thankfully, no one did.
There was an uncomfortable silence that no one seemed to be able to break, and
after a minute, Miranda got up and left as well, probably going to see if Allen
was alright. The silence became even tenser as Lavi finished his steak, and he
was just thinking of flirting outrageously with the American girl across from
him to lighten the mood when the door slammed open.
“There’s. Someone. In. My. Room!” Kanda half roared, rage showing clearly
through his dark eyes. Amanda stood up, shocked.
“That’s right! You don’t have rooms!” She exclaimed, covering her mouth. Her
eyes widened even more. “Not to mention clean clothes.”
A bench scraped, and Lavi looked around. One of the new director’s lackeys
stood up. “Actually,” he said. “Their effects and clothing are all stored up in
the Director’s office. One of the old directors had them put there.”
A second later, Kanda strode over to the smaller man, lifting him up by the
collar of his shirt. “Is there a lotus flower in there?” He hissed. Lavi
noticed the slight panic in his voice, although he was sure that he was the
only one who did.
“I-I don’t know,” the lackey said, clearly frightened. “There might be. Please
don’t hurt me.” He raised his hands up in surrender, and Kanda reluctantly let
go. The man settled to his feet with a big breath.
“I can take you to his office,” the lackey offered.
“I know where it is, bakayarou,” Kanda growled, turning his back and storming
from the room.
Taking this as his cue to leave, Lavi nodded toward his new comrades, and
shouted after Kanda, “Wait for meee, Yuuuu-chaaaan!”
Kanda stiffened and his gait slowed. “Don’t call me by my first name!” He
yelled back.
“But Yuuuuu!” Lavi groused, falling into pace with the man.
Kanda growled but relented as they walked quickly to the Director’s office.
They passed Allen, Lenalee, and Miranda on the way. They stared after the duo
in shock, probably wondering why they were walking so fast. Lavi knew the speed
was the only indication of Kanda’s panic but didn’t comment on it.
---
Luckily, Kanda’s lotus flower was safe and sound, tucked in an out-of-the-way
drawer with a note on it, saying: “Hands off if you don’t want Kanda after your
blood.” The handwriting was messy in a familiar way, and since the paper was
very yellow with age, Lavi had to guess that it was from Komui. Certainly,
since the lackey had mentioned an old Director had put their things here, it
had to be from the crazy man. Underneath the drawer was a cabinet filled with
clothes, but they hadn’t lasted as well with age.
“You should probably get some new clothes anyway,” Amanda remarked. She had
followed, albeit more slowly, along with the others. “You’d all stick out like
a sore thumb in that shit.” She pointed a finger at Allen, who was inspecting
one of his better-preserved white shirts.
“You’re probably right,” Lenalee said, stroking a ruined dress sadly.
“You’ll need some new uniforms, too, as yours are… well, you can see the state
of them for yourselves, obviously.” All of their uniforms were heavily battle
worn, sporting scuffs, scorch-marks, and cuts all through them.
“And they’ll need their Innocence back, of course,” Kanda said irritably,
holding the lotus flower to his chest like a lifeline. Lavi saw his hand twitch
to his side, as if itching to activate Mugen. Lavi looked down at his familiar
hammer holster and remembered that Oodzuchi Kodzuchi hadn’t been in it the last
time he’d checked. Even Miranda seemed to be searching herself for her
Innocence.
“Oh, you guys didn’t notice? I said you were encased in your Innocence, so I
assumed you were all crystal-types, like Lenalee.”
Understanding hit Lavi like a blow from Bookman. He winced minutely at the
thought. He’s dead, Lavi, get over it. He pulled off his hammer holster and
ripped the material of his pant leg. There was a red mark there in the shape of
his hammer. “Innocence, activate,” he said quietly. Blood seeped from the mark
and solidified into his hammer, which was only a few shades redder than he
remembered. Still, the shape was the same, and the weight was familiar as he
grabbed it from his leg. Turning to Kanda, who was a meter to his left, he
said, “guess we’re all crystal-type now, Yuu.”
“Don’t call me by my first name,” Kanda grunted before following suit and
activating his Innocence. A sheath appeared at his hip, and he swiftly put his
lotus flower on the ground before pulling the blade out with relief in his
expression. Miranda, too, followed suit, and the Time Record materialized
before her eyes. Lavi had been wondering what the small, red disk floating
above her arm had been. Now he had his answer. Next time, don’t be so stupid,
he scolded himself. He should have realized, but of course, he hadn’t.
“Well, we’ll need a few hours to shop, and since the stores don’t close for a
bit, why don’t we go now?” Amanda said, interrupting the small Innocence-fest.
---
As they took the lift down to the ground, Amanda chattered away with Lavi, and
he caught up on current events as best he could. They reached the bottom
without incident, and as they stepped out of the elevator, Amanda pulled
something out of her pocket. It was small and black, and something beeped as
she pressed a button.
“So, who wants to ride shotty?” She asked as they neared whatever had made the
noise. It was shiny and black, and it had wheels, but Lavi hadn’t the slightest
idea what it was supposed to be.
“Ride what?” Allen asked, confused.
Amanda slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. “Who wants to ride up
front?” She asked, frustration layering her voice and making it deeper.
“Ride what?” Allen repeated firmly.
Amanda repeated the action and sighed. Aggravated, she said, “You guys have no
idea what a fucking car is, do you?”
Silence was all the answer she needed.
“Okay. Allen, you’re up front. The rest of you can squeeze in the back. Make
sure to buckle up, ‘kay?” She pulled open the front door and got in. They all
stood around, confused.
“Open the doors, the car won’t eat you,” she said slowly, as if talking to a
young child. To Allen, she added, “go to the other side and get in over there.”
They followed her instructions, and after a minute, the car purred to life.
“Don’t forget to buckle up!” Amanda warned again. “I won’t be held responsible
if we get in an accident and you all fly through the windows.”
“Is that likely?” Miranda asked, her tone worried.
“Only if you don’t buckle up,” Amanda said, though Lavi was sure she was
joking.
Lavi watched Amanda carefully, waiting to see what this “buckle up” thing was.
He saw her reach to her right and pull down a chord of some sort. Then,
reaching across her lap and to her left, she secured it in place in some sort
of rectangular device, and a clicking sound followed. Lavi, assuming this was
the action the girl was referring to, quickly looked to his side. He had been
lucky enough to have a window seat. Kanda was next to him, and the two girls
sat on the other side, with Miranda at the window. Seeing the gray chord, he
quickly mirrored Amanda’s actions. Then, reaching over to the confused-looking
Japanese man, he fastened the other man’s chord into a rectangle, too.
“There you go, Yuu-chan! All buckled up!” Lavi exclaimed, lingering as close to
the other man as he could for full dramatic effect. Finally reaching back (he
made sure to brush his arm along the man’s chest as he did so), he settled into
his seat, waiting for the reaction. He wasn’t disappointed.
Kanda stiffened, as if Lavi’s nearness was something foreign, unknown. It was a
mark of how shocked the other man was that he didn’t respond with his usual
“don’t call me by my first name, baka usagi.” The others just stared. Lavi
smirked inwardly. This was just too much fun!
Up front, Lavi heard a distinct snort, followed by a giggle. He assumed the
American girl had been watching the show. Lavi even allowed a tiny, satisfied
smile to sit on his lips. It was unlike his usual careless, broad grin. It was
genuine.
The other Exorcists all followed Lavi’s example, and after they’d all secured
the chords around them, Amanda gave a big grin. All of a sudden, the car began
to move at an alarming speed.
“For the love of God and all that is holy, SLOW DOWN!” Allen shouted, knuckles
turning white as he grasped the edges of his seat.
“What? We’re only going a bit over fifty kilometers per hour!” Amanda
responded.
“Unheard-of speed,” Allen muttered under his breath. Even trains barely made it
that fast.
“What are you talking about? It’s so fucking slow! In America, I could drive
sooo much faster. Especially with the five-over rule: If you’re five over, it’s
only a warning! If they stop you, which they won’t.” She laughed maniacally,
and Lavi felt his stomach drop a bit. He was a bit afraid of this car thing
they were in, he had to admit.
Soon—not soon enough for the Exorcists—they reached a street with an assortment
of shops lining it, and within minutes, they were inside, staring at the
designs that were popular these days.
“These are so lewd!” Lenalee commented, holding up a white, see-through shirt
with no sleeves and a scoop neck. The others nodded in general agreement. It
would be a while before they found something to their tastes.
A startled yell came from a dressing room, and Miranda was suddenly pushed out
of the door. Attempting to cover her bare skin, she stepped toward her friends.
Amanda appeared behind her, curtain swishing as it closed.
“I’m—I’m sorry!” Amanda wailed. “I didn’t realize you’d be so embarrassed! But
you look fucking hot! All the guys are gonna be like, ‘holy shit, babe, come
have some fun with me.’”
Lavi nodded in agreement.
Miranda looked horrified.
Amanda then busied herself running around the store, searching for somewhat
modest clothes for the others. The group huddled close together, as if that
would save them from the immense culture shock they were now suffering.
“Hey, Yuu, what size pants do you wear?” Amanda yelled from across the store.
Kanda, barely three centimeters from Lavi’s left shoulder, immediately looked
enraged, and Lavi could hear mumbled Japanese curses. He stalked toward the
loud girl, and after a whispered conference, during which Lavi assumed many
threats were traded, Kanda walked back with a pair of pants. He entered the
dressing room that Miranda had just vacated, and Lavi tried not to pay
attention to the sounds as Kanda removed his Exorcist pants. Lavi heard a
rustle of fabric that he assumed was the other man pulling on his new wardrobe.
A grunt emerged from behind the curtain, and all movement stopped. Then it
started again, and then stopped. There was an irritated sigh.
“They don’t fit,” Kanda said grimly.
“What! That’s ridiculous! Of course they do,” Amanda said as she pushed past
Lavi. Ripping open the curtain, she quickly went over to the Japanese man, who
was standing with the pants half up his thighs. They were obviously quite
stuck. She went behind him, and without a moment’s hesitation, grabbed the
waist of the clothing, yanking it up sharply. Kanda winced as the pants chafed
his—Lavi stopped that thought dead in his mind. Amanda then reached around the
man’s waist and cheerfully did up his fly and button.
“See?” She said, all chipper. “I told you.” She patted his butt and walked back
to admire her handiwork. Lavi wasn’t quite sure, but he thought he saw
suppressed tears in the other man’s eyes. Still, Lavi had to admit, he looked…
Lavi stopped his thoughts again. He didn’t want to get a nosebleed. Damn, those
pants are tight! He exclaimed in his mind. Shaking his head slightly, he
cleared his mind from the emotions bombarding it.
“Oh. And what the fuck was with those briefs?” Amanda asked incredulously. She
turned to the other male Exorcists. “You guys are all boxer boys. Well, maybe
not Allen,” she amended.
“Oi!” Allen exclaimed, outraged.
“Jus’ sayin’,” Amanda said as she grabbed Kanda’s hand and pulled him to the
men’s department. “You come, too, Lavi!” She shouted over her shoulder. Amused,
Lavi followed.
---
Three hours and five well-dressed Exorcists later, they reached the car.
Collapsing onto the seat with exhaustion, Lavi could only sigh in relief that
this horrifying excursion was over. The boxers felt weird. Amanda turned around
in her seat.
“Y’all hungry?” She asked, showing none of the fatigue the others did.
Allen’s stomach gave out a large, affirmative growl, and Amanda laughed. “I’ll
take that as a yes, then,” she said. Her eyes widened and sparkled with
mischief, and Lavi found himself wondering what else she could possibly throw
at them.
“Let’s get McDonald’s, then,” she said, putting the car in reverse.
“Mc—I’m sorry, what?” Allen asked. His stomach growled again, though,
signifying that anywhere with food would probably do.
The golden arches in the shape of an ‘m’ stood almost ominously over the
building. Lavi could smell grease, so strong it threatened to turn his stomach.
Amanda didn’t seem to notice, though, and she led the group of uneasy Exorcists
into the restaurant.
The inside was noisy and crowded, and Lavi immediately lost Kanda’s position,
no longer able to hear his swift, sharp movements. For some reason, this
distressed him, but he ignored it, instead pausing his stride until the man
passed ahead of him. Keeping behind and to the right of Kanda, he moved forward
once more. Amanda looked back, probably wondering where Lavi had disappeared
to, and when she saw him, she shot him a half-smile. It seemed almost… knowing.
What am I missing? Lavi thought, horrified.
“Allen, since you’re so hungry, you go first,” Amanda said. “Just choose
something on the menu up there—I suggest the Big Mac, personally.” She giggled
a bit.
“What are ‘fries’?” He asked after a moment. Amanda sighed.
“Just let me,” she said. She leaned up to the counter and added to the
employee, “I’ll have ten Big Macs, six large fries, and three soft drinks.”
Allen looked at her. “And what are you going to eat?” He asked.
The employee looked stunned. “You’re going to eat all that, kid?” She asked
incredulously.
“Well, yeah. Of course,” He replied blankly. The employee gave him a doubting
look, but at Amanda’s glare, she put the order in.
“Let’s see… for me, I’ll have the fish fingers, and fries and a drink from the
dollar menu. The girls will have a double cheeseburger and a medium fry apiece,
with drinks. The redhead’ll have the Chicken Legend value meal, and the
Asian’ll have a happy meal.”
“I’ll have a salad, thanks,” Kanda interjected coldly.
“So you’ve got ten Big Macs, six large fries, three soft drinks, fish fingers,
a small fry, and a drink, two double cheeseburgers, two mediums fries, and two
drinks, a Chicken Legend value meal, and a salad,” the employee summarized.
“Yup, that’s about it,” Amanda said, grinning. The employee reached under the
counter and produced seven cups as Amanda handed over a shiny, plastic
rectangle. Lavi noticed a long string of numbers on it and quickly committed
them to memory. He didn’t know if he’d need them later or not, but it was good
to know, just in case.
They all settled down to eat a few minutes later, the employees staring
intently at Allen’s pile of burgers. Lavi saw currency being passed between
them, and he assumed they had a bet going on as to whether he could finish it
or not. Lavi grinned; he wondered which employee would be getting all the
money.
Allen dug in at once, but after he finished his first burger, he paused. Lavi
gaped. Allen never paused while eating.
“This is horrible,” he said before continuing to stuff his face. Lavi
snickered.
“That’s our Allen!” He crooned, winking at the boy.
“Itadakimasu,” Kanda muttered next to him, his hands clapped together. Then,
awkwardly holding the plastic fork, he began to eat his less-than-appetizing
salad. He grimaced, but that was all the indication he gave that the food
wasn’t to his liking.
Amanda dug in with gusto, and Lavi, Lenalee, and Miranda followed suit. Lavi
instantly regretted it. It was as greasy as the establishment smelled. Still,
he was hungry, and since Amanda had obviously treated them, he was determined
to finish.
Across from him, Allen was already working on his fries and was on his last
soft drink. Within a minute, even those were gone, and he began to stare idly
out the window as he waited for everyone else to finish. There was little
conversation, save for the few admonitions from the other Exorcists when Allen
stole little bits of their food. Lenalee went as far as to slap his wrist in
mock offense. Soon, he began to stare out the window again, thinking of who-
knew-what. Lavi shrugged and turned back to the others, who had slowed down
enough to make conversation.
As he swallowed the last bite of his chicken sandwich and wiped his hands off
on a paper napkin, Lavi looked back over at Allen and was horrified to see that
he was tapping something with one hand. Absentmindedly, he brought another hand
up, and Lavi realized that he was moving his fingers as he would to play the
piano controlling the Ark. Another moment and Lavi noticed that the finger
pattern matched the Ark’s melody, and he immediately brought his hand up and
snapped it in front of the boy’s eyes.
“Oi, Fourteen!” He said. Allen jumped and looked into Lavi’s eye.
“What?”
Lavi cast his mind around for a way to get out of the room to somewhere
private. “I gotta take a piss, come with me.” With that, he got up and pulled
the smaller boy with him.
As they walked off, he heard Amanda comment, “wow, and I thought only girls
needed company to go to the bathroom.”
Lavi looked over his shoulder and winked. “We’re not just using the bathroom,
Amanda,” he said before turning back and practically hauling Allen into the
room with him. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard a low growl as the door
closed. He could almost imagine Kanda’s corresponding glare in his direction.
“L-Lavi,” Allen stammered. “What’s wrong?”
“You were doing it again, Allen. That’s the second time today. The last time
you had a slip like that was right after you changed. I know it may be harder
to control now, since you haven’t had to really do it while we were encased in
our Innocence, but you know what they’ll do to you if they find out.” Lavi felt
a strange emotion constrict his chest and wondered vaguely what it was. Worry,
his mind told him before he promptly drove the unwanted emotion behind the wall
in front of his heart.
Allen looked stricken. “I—thank you, Lavi,” he said, his voice quiet with
shame.
“It’s fine; just make sure you control it.”
Allen nodded, and Lavi pulled him into a quick, manly hug that was more back
slapping than actual hugging.
“Good, now let’s leave before Yuu gets jealous of us,” he said. That brought a
smile back to the younger boy’s face.
“Yeah, I don’t want to have to face Mugen,” Allen joked back.
“You and me both, Moyashi,” Lavi said, doing his best impression of the
Japanese Exorcist’s voice and accent. Allen stopped and gaped.
“Good impression,” he complimented. Lavi basked under the praise. He was sure
Bookman would have said the same thing. His heart constricted, but he denied
the emotion, and it was soon gone.
“That was quick!” Amanda commented as they sat back down. “Thought you boys’d
be at it longer.”
“Yeah, well, we haven’t done that in a while. You know how things like that go.
Old Allen just couldn’t contain himself.”
Amanda laughed heartily, throwing her head back with genuine amusement. Allen
blushed mightily. Ah, to tease a virgin, Lavi thought exuberantly.
They finished their meals soon after that and walked back to the car. Allen
looked like the food hadn’t sat well with him, but as Lavi was feeling the
same, he didn’t comment on it. They took their seats the second the doors were
unlocked, and as they pulled out, Amanda frowned into the rearview mirror.
“It’s a bit too quiet, don’tcha think?” She asked, twiddling with one of the
black dials on the dashboard. Abruptly, music began playing.
Everyone blanched, Lavi included.
“What… what is this?” Miranda gasped out. Lenalee looked horrified.
“It’s called Baby Got Back,” Amanda replied nonchalantly.
“It’s—it’s—disgusting!” Lenalee blurted out.
“Welcome to the twenty-first century, babe.”
Allen, face as white as Lavi’s own, fiddled desperately with the dials, finally
coming to rest on a piece everyone could recognize. The four notes of the very
beginning of the first movement, so famous even after just over 200 years, rang
clearly through the radio.
Lavi looked at Allen’s back, but he could see no telltale signs of the Noah
within him. Apparently, Allen’s control had become rock solid again, and Lavi
relaxed. Lenalee, on the other hand, was not as observant, and after a moment,
she told Amanda to change the station, that she didn’t like this song.
“No, Lenalee,” Allen said softly, and the girl looked stricken. “I’m perfectly
fine; I’m in control right now. I’ve always liked listening to music—this won’t
affect me.”
Lenalee nodded reluctantly, but her eyes betrayed the worry that she felt for
the other Exorcist. Amanda shot a suspicious look back, but Lavi just smiled
broadly and winked at her.
“So, I noticed that you’ve got a very dirty mouth,” he said conversationally,
hoping his attempt to change the subject didn’t sound ubrupt.
“Yeah, well, I’m American,” she responded, as if that explained everything.
“None of the Americans I knew swore worse than Yuu.”
“Yeah, well, Americans back then were pussies.”
Yes, Lavi thought. I’mdefinitelygoing to get along with this girl.
---
Once back at headquarters, the Director assigned them rooms, but Kanda
steadfastly refused any but his own. Lavi and Allen followed him warily as he
strode swiftly down the brightly-lit hallways—Lavi would have to discover what
was illuminating them some other time—and toward his ever-familiar quarters.
They’d all been assigned to this section of Headquarters, and Lavi was actually
assigned next to Kanda’s old room, but he had to admit that perhaps the other
man was being a bit over-sensitive about the issue. He was walking ahead of the
rest of them, looking upon everyone and everything else with a disdainful
expression, his hand resting lightly on Mugen’s hilt. Lavi vaguely wondered why
he would have activated his Innocence and immediately came to the conclusion
that he wanted to look more threatening. As it was, everyone they encountered
shrunk back fearfully as the Asian Exorcist walked past. Lavi and Allen shot
them apologetic looks as they followed their friend.
As he reached his room, the Finder currently residing in it had the unfortunate
coincidence of leaving the room. This isn’t going to end well, Lavi noted.
Kanda raged toward the bewildered man, whose face held a shock that would have
been almost comical had the situation not been so grave. Grabbing the Finder’s
collar, he roughly shoved the man into the wall.
“That’s my room,” he said icily.
Suddenly, Allen was at his side, and he grabbed Kanda’s wrist tightly with his
right hand.
“Kanda,” he half-growled. “Let that Finder alone.”*
The Japanese man froze and stared down at the younger Exorcist. Lavi noted a
glint of uncertainty in Kanda’s eyes. Was it fear? Perhaps. No one was quite
sure how powerful the Fourteenth could be, and Allen could be damn well scary
when he was enraged. They’d discovered this over the three years after the Ark
incident had occurred. Still, Kanda glared back for a long, tense moment before
roughly releasing the Finder he held fast against the wall. Lavi noticed the
Finder settle back down on his feet, as if he’d been lifted off them in the
force of Kanda’s silent rage. Pulling his arm out of Allen’s strong grip, Kanda
walked silently into his old room.
“I’m sorry,” Allen said, turning to the Finder. “I don’t know why, but it seems
very important to Kanda to have this room. Please excuse his behavior; he was
way out of line.”
The Finder, too dumbstruck from what had just happened, simply nodded before
walking off, trembling slightly. Allen turned and followed the man, but Lavi
stayed at the open door to Kanda’s room and peeked inside. Kanda was stooped on
the ground, shaking heavily with emotion, it was one that Lavi was sure wasn’t
anger. Slipping away, Lavi dropped Kanda’s bags of clothes and his lotus flower
in the doorway before stepping inside his new room.
Chapter End Notes
     So… there’s chapter 1. From now on, it gets serious… seriously. There
     were many references and inside jokes that went into this chapter,
     and there will be more, but from now on, the plot starts to form. The
     chapters probably will get longer, too. We tried to do Lavi’s point
     of view as best as we could. He’s got a very analytical mind and he
     notices everything. So we really wanted to capture that. Also, if you
     take a closer look, notice how Lavi always knows exactly how far
     Kanda is from him at all times… Emily 1 and I got a real kick out of
     that. ;P Also, we’re editing this together, but we don’t have a beta,
     so if anything slips through, please forgive us our mistakes!
     *For those of you who don’t recognize this, this is from
     TehExorcist’s DGM Abridged Series. Look it up on youtube. It’s great.
***** Who Controls the Ark? Noah, Noah! *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_Two_–_Who_Controls_the_Ark?_Noah,_Noah!
October 25, 1888—Ruins of Salzburg, Austria
Yuu knew he had only minutes to live when the dark form of the ruthless Noah
appeared in front of him. Though Moyashi had tried to exorcize him—Yuu never
failed to be amused at the irony of an Exorcist actually exorcizing
someone—Tyki Mikk had somehow survived, losing the balance his “white” side had
given him. Tyki had become, if possible, the most ruthless, deadly Noah of the
entire clan. He was almost worse than the Earl himself. He spared no one, using
his Tease or sometimes just ripping out his victim’s still-beating heart. Yuu
could not bring himself to be afraid, though. He knew what his fate was and so
could resign himself to it, taking only a moment to regret that he had never
found her. Even the Lotus Spell would not keep him alive, and for some reason,
that comforted Yuu. Gripping Mugen’s hilt tightly, Yuu prepared for his last
battle, hoping that he could at least take the merciless creature with him.
It didn’t take long.
“I no longer play with my prey,” Tyki growled, his insane grin stretching wider
than any mouth had the right to. “Such a pity, when my prey is so pretty.” He
giggled. “Seems I have a knack for rhyming,” he said, his grin widening even
further.
Yuu didn’t even have the time to feel angered, because faster than his eyes
could track, the Noah was in front of him. Yuu dodged as best he could from the
Noah’s jabbing arms.
“Mugen,” he muttered. “Hatsudou!” The chokuto, which had returned to its
original form after its evolution to Crystal type, shone brightly with the
Innocence’s power, and dodging another of Tyki’s attacks, he drew it. The power
of the blade gave him the strength to begin his offensive attacks, but nothing
could break through Tyki’s uncanny ability to become incorporeal.
The first blow that hit him wasn’t overly painful. It was just a blow to the
solar plexus. Though he was winded and could barely move, the Lotus Spell would
take care of it in only a moment. Apparently a moment was just too slow. The
next blow felt different, as if it hadn’t been hit. It was an eerie sensation,
like something sliding into his stomach. A bursting pain followed, and Yuu knew
right away that something had torn at his inner organs. Involuntarily, he
coughed and was sickened to find the taste of blood in his mouth. Another
similar blow hit him, and he doubled in on himself, falling to his knees.
“Chikushoo,”* he groaned. Tyki laughed.
“Tease,” he said. Yuu swore again.
Pulling himself onto his feet, the Japanese man prepared once again to attack
the Noah. But his reaction was, once again, too slow. Tyki dodged his
straightforward attack, and as he moved to Yuu’s left, slammed an elbow into
his back. There was a sickening crack, followed by the nauseating pain of a
broken bone, and then his legs went limp. He fell backward, and the pain that
followed made him see stars. He groaned, unable to keep his voice locked in his
chest anymore.
“Have fun,” Tyki said, and Yuu had the distinct impression he was talking to
the Tease. He wasn’t wrong, as the demented butterflies immediately descended
on his body. He had no choice but to scream as they ate through skin, through
muscle, through bone. He was drowning in pain; he could barely breathe. This
was death, wasn’t it? That would be a relief. His voice caught for a second,
and Yuu was afraid he’d lost it. It was the only thing keeping him sane. But
then it was back. He screamed louder, using the sound as a lifeline. If he
could just pay attention to that, then maybe, maybe he could pull through. He
wasn’t lucky enough to keep screaming, though. He should have known. A hand
closed over his throat and squeezed until all sound ceased. Vaguely, he
realized that there was nothing underneath him; his legs—which he could feel
now, meaning his back had healed—dangled with nothing underneath him. His mind
just barely recognized the sinister voice.
“I don’t like my prey screaming.”
Was he flying? Yuu wasn’t sure, but the wind seemed to be rushing in his ears.
Was this what dying was? It wasn’t so bad, then. He felt almost… peaceful…
until he hit the hard, stone wall. His skull struck it with a resounding thud!
Something stung, like blood flowing from a wound. That had to be it. His skull
was bleeding. Perhaps he would bleed to death before the Lotus Spell could heal
the injury. He crumpled to the ground, and something snaked around his ankle,
tightening painfully. The gray sky above moved as he was dragged far enough
from the wall to be lying on his back, fully stretched out.
“Besides, my Tease prefer to dine in peace.” There was that sinister voice
again, the one Yuu could barely register but felt was vitally important to
hear.
But the Tease were gone, weren’t they? Yuu lifted his head—ignore the pain,
ignore the pain—and saw his body free of the damn things. This incited a laugh
from that voice looming above him. “Go,” it said.
A Tease fluttered down and landed on his chest. It stalked forward slowly,
ominously. Where was it going? It wasn’t staying on his chest, so where…? It
reached his neck, and Yuu could barely keep it in his vision anymore. His eyes
already hurt from the impossible angle he was forcing them into.
“Achike,” he managed to groan out. Fuck off. He said it to the solitary Tease
that was now crawling its way to the side of his neck. It stopped. Why was it
stopping? It bit, and Yuu screamed. But it continued to bite, and Yuu screamed
more. He heard the voice. Shut up. My Tease dine in silence, it said. But for
the life of him, Yuu couldn’t seem to comprehend what those words meant. The
flesh was gone, and so was the muscle, and damn it, that was his spinal cord!
But it kept biting, and Yuu, unable to help himself, screamed louder. And then
he felt nothing. Again. Only this time, the blessed feeling of nothing spread
everywhere except his head. He liked it. Maybe now he was dead. But why was his
head hurting so much, then? Perhaps… But clarity returned the longer he felt
nothing. His body could process thoughts, and his muddled mind began to make
more sense.
There was Tyki, looming above him with a Tease in hand—probably the one that
had eaten his spinal cord—and was whispering something to it. Noticing Yuu’s
gaze a moment later, Tyki smiled. It was that horrible, twisted mockery of a
smile that stretched, literally, from ear to ear.
“Eat it all,” he said aloud, and Yuu watched, horrified, as Tyki slid his hand
into Yuu’s stomach. Yuu imagined that he should have felt something, but there
was nothing. The Tease would dine, as Tyki had said, in peace. The Noah pulled
his hand out, and suddenly, there was a white shape grabbing the ashen-skinned
man’s forearm.
“Take it out,” the white shape said firmly. But it was Allen’s voice. Not the
Moyashi. This voice was serious. And it was very, very angry.
Yuu blinked, and everything came in to focus. Allen was there, and his eyes
raged as he jerked up as hard as he could with his right hand. Yuu watched,
transfixed, as the bone snapped and was wrenched up until it was vertical. If
he could have felt it, Yuu thought his stomach would have been roiling. If he
still had a stomach. He watched Tyki go down, and if the dark-haired man was
stupid, he would have thought the man had tears forming in his eyes. Above him,
Allen let out a low whistle. In response, something burst from the Yuus stomach
and flew over to Allen’s outstretched finger. Was that the Tease? Why was it
flying to Allen? And why were the boy’s eyes gold? No, just one eye. The other
was black. No, the white of the eye was black, and the iris was a dark, dark
red. Was it just Yuu, or was the curse that marred Allen’s young face more
ornate than usual? And why was his skin getting so much darker, dark enough to
match Tyki’s?
The Tease alighted on Allen’s finger, and Allen turned his hand quickly in
order to grasp it in the palm of his hand. Then, standing up, he flung his arm
back, and the Tease hit the stone wall with a crunch.
“You do not touch my friends, Brother,” he said, and his voice was deep, deeper
than Yuu had ever heard it. Or had it always been that way? Yuu couldn’t tell,
his mind was still too confused.
“Oh?” Tyki grinned. Allen’s face darkened, and then he was out of Yuu’s sight,
flying at Tyki with a rage Yuu had never seen before.
“INNOCENCE!” The Exorcist shouted. “ACTIVATE!”
Yuu cast his gaze around and was able to find Allen almost immediately. His
white hair stood out starkly against his ashen skin. The Crowned Clown settled
onto Allen’s shoulders, and as he drew the sword from his arm, Yuu noticed a
discrepancy he had never seen before. The sword that was the inverse of the
Earl’s now seemed to have cracked, with long, jagged fissures running along the
blade.
Yuu shivered. What was this feeling? He had never felt it before. Not that he
could remember.
Allen tore into Tyki with a ferocity that startled Yuu, ripping bits of flesh
here and there as the sword made contact with the elusive Noah.
Tyki stood utterly still, and as the sword struck him a seventh time, he
managed to whisper, “The Fourteenth?” There was no smile on his dark face, no
insanity in his eyes. There was only shock, only sorrow. And then he moved, and
he attempted to fight back. Allen was too quick for him, though, just as Tyki
had been too quick for Yuu. The curly-haired Noah landed on his back and
sitting up, he stared at the bloody foot only inches from his legs. Only it
wasn’t attached. His leg had become a mangled, bloody stump, and Allen didn’t
seem to let up as he hacked at the Noah with distinct precision. With one final
swing, the white-haired boy shoved his tainted sword through Tyki’s heart. The
Noah gurgled, and blood spilled down the sides of his mouth. His gold eyes went
vacant, and his body stopped moving. Allen put a boot to Tyki’s chest and
pushed the carcass—it was too mangled to be called a body—to the ground.
Dropping his sword, it reformed into his arm, a blood-drenched limb that made
Yuu’s stomach clench. He was getting feeling back, a sign that this was no
dream. The Lotus Spell was definitely at work.
“I’m sorry, Brother,” Allen whispered, his voice still deep with Noah’s power.
Gently, he reached over the cadaver and closed those horrid, vacant eyes.
Unlike the other Noahs, Allen’s eyes held no tears at the death of his brother,
but it didn’t matter. Tyki Mikk was dead.
Allen stood and turned to Yuu. The Jaoanese man's heart clenched, then began
beating erratically. His eyes widened, and then Yuu understood the feeling. It
was the first time in Yuu’s long memory that he had been truly, undeniably
afraid.
Allen walked, almost staggered, toward Yuu, and his heart only beat faster and
faster. The Dark Exorcist slumped to his knees next to hiss face. Yuu couldn’t
suppress a flinch as the Noah who had been Allen reached his blood-speckled
right hand to his face. The Noah’s face changed, and the skin tone lightened a
bit. Was it Yuu’s imagination, or did his eyes pale slightly? The dark hand
pressed lightly on his forehead.
“I’m sorry you had to see that, Kanda, but he needed to die.”
Yuu gulped. Was he the one who needed to die next?
“Please, please don’t tell them,” Allen said. His voice was soft, so different
from the harsh, deep voice that had come forth from his throat only moments
before. And then he slumped over, and his skin lightened to the pale tone it
usually was. Yuu reached over and peeled back Allen’s right eye. It was gray.
Realizing that the Lotus Spell had done its job, Yuu tentatively touched the
boy in front of him. He was too terrified to kill the Noah masquerading as
Allen. He would own up to that emotion. But it was still Allen, and as much as
he tried not to, Yuu cared for him, he was the Destroyer of Time, after all.
Shaking, he stood up, taking the boy in his arms. Yes, this was Moyashi. But
this was also something so terrifying that Yuu could barely suppress the urge
to vomit.
He carried the boy all the way back to the train station, where he purchased
tickets back to France. In France, he bought two tickets across the Channel.
Then, he took the still unconscious Allen on a train that took them to London.
And from there, he carried the boy to Headquarters. Seeing Lavi and Bookman,
Yuu realized exactly who Allen didn’t want him to tell, and he heeded the boy’s
wishes. He would not risk being on the other end of that twisted, tainted
sword. Not ever.
---
June 7, 2013, 3:36 AM—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Rough hands shook him into consciousness. He was aware of someone screaming. It
didn’t make sense; no one should be screaming in his room. His throat was sore,
and suddenly he realized that it was his own scream. Noise became louder, and
the hands shook him harder. Someone was calling his name.
“Yuu!!! Yuu, my God, Yuu, wake up, please!” Lavi shouted. Why was Lavi here?
Why wasn’t he stopping the person shaking him? It was annoying.
“Yamero!” Yuu shouted, finally regaining the use of his limbs and pushing hard
against the offender.
“Yaah!” Lavi screamed, and Yuu heard someone crash loudly on the ground. “Jesus
Christ, Yuu, don’t do that! Especially to the person nice enough to wake you
up.”
Yuu opened his eyes and squinted into the darkness. He saw Lavi’s red hair,
tousled from sleep, next to his bed.
“You were doing the shaking?” Yuu hissed, trying to sit up and finding himself
quite tangled in his bed sheets.
“Well, yeah, you were screaming like you were getting murdered. I could hear it
through the walls enough to wake up. And I’m a heavy sleeper. And those are
thick walls.”
Yuu felt… touched. Immediately angry at himself, he stuck the emotion back
wherever it came from and turned a scowl on Lavi.
“That must’ve been a bad’un, though,” Lavi commented. “Care to share, Yuu-
chan?”
Remembering his promise to Allen, Yuu clammed up. No, he would never share that
with anyone. Not ever.
“No, it was nothing.”
“It’s not fucking nothing, Yuu,” Lavi stated loudly. “You were screaming enough
to wake up the entire Order, and you looked so effin’ scared earlier that I
nearly wet my pants.”
Yuu glared at the redhead. He was, indeed, wearing pants. But, Yuu noticed, his
chest was quite bare.
“Put a shirt on before you catch a cold,” he muttered through gritted teeth,
not looking Lavi in the eye.
“Not until you tell me what’s wrong,” Lavi demanded.
“I. Can’t,” Yuu said, inadvertently placing some of the leftover terror from
his dream into those two tiny words. Lavi’s eyes went wide, as if he hadn’t
been expecting Yuu to say something in that way, and surprisingly, he backed
down immediately.
“Can I use one of yours?” He asked, searching through Yuu’s chest of drawers
until he found the one containing Yuu’s new, tight-fitting numbers Amanda had
called shirts.
“No. Go back to your room and get your own,” Yuu said, his voice returning to
its normal cold, hard tone.
“I’m not leaving you,” Lavi said absently, pulling on one of the looser
garments. Amanda had said it was a sweatshirt.
Yuu remained silent. He didn’t know how to react to that, but for some reason
he couldn’t lash out like he usually did. Lavi had gotten out of bed and come
to Yuu’s side to wake him up. It was almost like he… cared. Yuu suppressed a
shudder. Caring was something a Bookman didn’t do.
Lavi closed the drawers and promptly sat next to the head of Yuu’s bed. He
stayed there, silent, but for some reason his presence wasn’t as annoying as it
usually was.
After a few minutes, Lavi shivered a little. “Baka Usagi,” Yuu said gruffly.
“Sit on the end of the bed. You’ll freeze to death on the floor.”
“Awww, Yuu, you care,” Lavi said lightly as he climbed onto the bed. It wasn’t
his usual teasing tone, as if there was actual sentiment behind it. Yuu shook
his head, though. Caring was not something Yuu did, either.
“Baka Usagi,” he muttered. He set to the task of untangling his bedding, and
after a frustratingly long time, he finished. His head hit the pillow again,
and he and Lavi spent some time in silence before they both fell back into a
light sleep. As he teetered on the edge of consciousness, Yuu thought it was a
wonder that he could get back to sleep at all after that dream. He never had
before. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t alone. But that last thought vanished
as he was pulled back into the relaxing depths of unconsciousness. He dreamt of
rabbits carrying carrots and bonking him on the head with them. What a stupid
dream.
---
June 7, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
The bed was warm and comfortable, something for which Allen was grateful.
Sitting up, he dragged his feet out of bed, placing them in the soft slippers
he’d purchased the day before. Grabbing a towel, the Exorcist walked leisurely
to the closest bathroom, intending to take a nice, relaxing bath.
Allen blinked. The bathroom looked nothing like it had, but he supposed that
made sense. It had been 114 years, after all. It took him a short amount of
time to figure out how to use the facilities. Ignoring the Fourteenth’s voice
mumbling in the back of his head, he took as short a shower as he could. As he
stepped out, he caught his reflection in the mirror. Allen realized he needed a
shave. He would need to find himself a razor later. His stomach growled, and
Allen walked back to his room to get dressed. He’d ask Amanda in the Order’s
cafeteria, if she was awake. He dressed quickly—his stomach feeling like it had
been empty for days—slightly annoyed by the strange, new clothes Amanda had
purchased for him. They hadn’t been as bad as the tight ones she’d given Kanda,
but they were still… different. The way they fit was grossly different from the
loose, white shirts he’d worn before. Putting it out of his mind, he left his
room, heading for breakfast.
He sat down, a mound of delicious-smelling food in front of him. A whole tray
of crescents sat next to an overflowing plate of scrambled eggs. Sausages and
bacon littered other plates, along with an assortment of toasts and bagels.
Smiling happily, he dug in, glad to get some food in his far-too-empty stomach.
Across from him, a bench scraped, but he was too engrossed in his food and
ignoring the Fourteenth’s dark comments to truly care.
“Never thought I’d see another parasite here besides myself,” a voice said from
across the table. Allen looked up.
A man in his thirties with clear, blue eyes and short, blond hair smiled
broadly at him, showing perfectly straight teeth. He had a huge pile of food
larger than Allen’s own in front of him, and he began to butter a piece of
toast. He ate it slowly, as if savoring each bite.
“I used to know many,” Allen said. “But they’re all dead now.”
“I’m sorry,” the man said, his voice sincere. Allen nodded gravely and turned
back to his food. Exorciiiist, the Fourteenth sang in Allen’s mind. He began
chewing as loudly as he could to drown out the annoying presence in his mind.
Lavi had been right: he couldn’t control it as well as he had been able to
before.
“Um, not to be rude, but could you please chew with your mouth closed?” The
blond asked as he picked up another piece of toast, this one with jam spread
evenly over its surface.
“Sorry,” Allen said sheepishly. He reluctantly closed his mouth. The Fourteenth
sang louder, almost in triumph. Allen stabbed a sausage violently with a fork,
bringing a knife up. He scraped it across the plate, creating a high-pitched
squeak that made his stomach clench up a bit. The Fourteenth stopped abruptly.
Allen did it again, but the Fourteenth made no further noise. The man in front
of him growled and then stood up, scraping the bench backward as he did so.
Grabbing his immense tray, he looked angrily at Allen.
“I don’t dine with mannerless brats,” he said coldly, walking away. Allen felt
guilty, and he would have to apologize later, when he’d thought of an excuse.
He couldn’t very well tell him, yeah, sorry about that, but the Fourteenth Noah
was being really loud in my head, and noise silences him. That wouldn’t be the
best way to get the other Exorcist to forgive him.
A crash echoed through the room, and Allen looked up, curious, even as he
stuffed a forkful of eggs into his mouth. The blond man had run into Miranda,
and it looked like the two had spilled their trays of food all over the other.
Lenalee, Allen was glad to note, was to Miranda’s right.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Miranda shouted as the blond did the same. They both
stopped and stared into each other’s eyes. Allen saw Miranda blush before
turning tail and running from the room. The blond stood almost uselessly for a
moment before reaching down and cleaning up the mess he had made. Looking at
Lenalee, he realized she had just noticed him. Raising a hand to wave, she
yelled, “Allen!” and walked quickly to sit in the seat the blond had just
vacated. The room hushed immediately, and everyone turned to stare at the
white-haired Exorcist.
“Ignore them,” Lenalee said quietly, taking a dainty bite of her eggs. Allen
nodded and turned back to his meal, eating as quickly as his body would allow.
Conversation eventually started up again, quiet at first. Soon, however, it was
back up to the characteristic dull roar Allen had come to associate with the
Order’s cafeteria. Allen finished his meal in peace, and as he walked out of
the room with Lenalee, he realized the Noah had made no noise for the rest of
the meal. Whatever he had done, it had worked. For the first time in a long
time, Allen felt triumphant.
---
Yuu floated easily back into consciousness, but for some reason, he was very
uncomfortable and very cold. Groaning softly, he opened his eyes. He flinched,
his eyes widening in automatic reaction to the nearness of the floor. Putting
his palm to the ground, Yuu pushed himself until he was upright on the bed.
Sometime during the night, he had turned sideways, losing his covers, and had
half-fallen off the bed. Turning his head, intending to stretch the sore
muscles, he discovered the reason for his very strange sleeping position. Yuu
wasn’t sure how it was possible, but the redhead in front of him managed to be
curled up and sprawled out simultaneously. Standing up on the firm mattress, he
gave Lavi a rough kick.
“Wha’ was tha’ for, Bookman?” The stupid rabbit mumbled, quite obviously still
asleep. Sitting back down, Yuu pulled the covers over his lap. Looking back at
the Exorcist at the end of his bed, a wave of irritation hit him as he realized
the idiot was still sleeping.
“Baka Usagi,” he said loudly, nudging the other Exorcist in the back with one
of his feet.
Lavi groaned sleepily, but to Yuu’s relief, he lifted his head, blinking his
eye blearily at the Japanese Exorcist.
“Yuu?” Lavi mumbled, staring incomprehensibly at him. “Why am I… oh, right.” He
blinked again, and after a moment, he looked fully awake. He sat up, and there
was an awkward silence as they both remembered what had happened the previous
night.
“Sorry for taking over your bed, Yuu. I slept well, though,” he said as he
stretched. He turned, making to get off the bed, and suddenly, Yuu’s hand moved
on its own, coming to grasp Lavi’s. The other man tensed for a minute, and Yuu
realized what he was doing.
“Sorry,” he muttered, looking away. He was embarrassed to note that a blush was
spreading on his cheeks, and he hoped the other man didn’t see it, too. “I
don’t know why I did that.” He let go of Lavi’s wrist and let his arm drop.
There was movement as Lavi crawled, but for some reason, the mattress depressed
close to Yuu’s leg. He was confused. Why was Lavi still there? Soft, gentle
arms went around his neck as Lavi leaned into him. His hands moved on their own
to encircle Lavi’s waist, and the two stayed in that light embrace for a long
time. Finally, Lavi made a move to leave, and once again, Yuu’s body was out of
control, his hands tightening on Lavi’s sides. He looked into Lavi’s eye, and
for some reason, the softest expression Yuu had ever seen touched the other
man’s face. He leaned forward, his face coming far too close for Yuu’s comfort.
Yuu closed his eyes, wondering why he did so, and then felt soft, caring lips
press lightly to his own. They were gone after a moment. In a daze, Yuu’s mind
barely registered that Lavi was gently pulling Yuu’s hands from his sides. He
hardly noticed as the other Exorcist walked away, still clad in his sweatshirt.
Lavi waved pleasantly, still with that inexplicably soft expression on his
face, and left the room. The sound of the door shutting brought Yuu’s attention
back to the real world. Holding a hand thoughtfully to his lips, he thought,
Baka Usagi.
---
It was a complete coincidence that all five Exorcists from the past met up as
they reached the door to the Order’s cafeteria for dinner. Allen had spent the
day peacefully passing time with Lenalee and later, Miranda. He had no idea
what Lavi and Kanda had done, but they seemed to be awkward around each other
as they met up, their cheeks rosy with a light blush. Allen assumed they had
had a large fight, as they normally did, and were now feeling a bit guilty
about the whole thing. Unfortunately, they both had extremely large pride, and
Allen figured they were both waiting for the other to apologize. Normally it
took an outside force. Not wanting his dinner to be marred by some tiny tiff
between the two, Allen decided to take matters into his own hands.
“Lavi, Kanda, whatever you fought about can’t be that bad, so please just
apologize to each other so we can all eat in peace,” he said imploringly. Lavi
and Kanda exchanged a look and then gazed at Allen, seemingly confused.
It was Lavi who moved first, his face changing from confusion to understanding.
Turning to Kanda, he sighed. “Alright, I guess I’ll say it. I’m sorry, Yuu,” he
said in a defeated tone. Kanda looked taken aback, but after a soft “che,” he
nodded in acceptance.
Satisfied, Allen pushed open the cafeteria doors and walked in, coming face-to-
face with the blond from earlier. He grunted and pushed past Allen. Then, he
stopped in front of Miranda, and, grabbing her fingers delicately in his hand,
said “Es tut mir Leid, Fräulein!” Miranda blushed as the man kissed her hand
gently.
“Eh… eh… es tut mir Leid!“ She responded. The man held her gaze, his shocking
blue eyes meeting Miranda’s dark brown. She blushed harder, and when the man
finally let go of her hand, she rushed past him and into the cafeteria.
The blond man leaned against the hard, stone wall and held a hand over his
heart. “Ich bin verliebt,” he said, his voice breathy. Next to him, Lavi
chuckled.
“ARYAN FRIEND!” Came a shout from the end of the hall. Allen froze in his
tracks and saw the blond man stiffen similarly against the wall. Amanda had
arrived. “Aryan friend!” She shouted again, running up until she stood before
the blond man.
“How many times do I have to tell you, my parents were fucking Jewish!” He
said, looming angrily above the brunette.
“Yes, but… you’re Aryan!” She exclaimed, giving him a hug. The man squirmed and
tried to push her away.
“I’m Polish,” he said coldly, his tone contrasting starkly with the breathy one
he’d just been using.
“Well, the Poles were in the Third Reich, too, you know,” Amanda said matter-
of-factly. “Come on, Lolek, let’s eat together.” She grabbed the man’s hand
with her own and literally dragged him past Allen.
Shrugging, he grabbed Lenalee’s arm and pulled her into the line queuing for
food. The five Exorcists, Amanda, and Lolek spent a pleasant dinner together.
Allen noticed the man glaring at him every once in a while, but he tried to
ignore it. As they left in a big group, Amanda turned to them.
“Oh, by the way, Director Smith says he wants to check some things out, and he
wants you guys in the Science Department. It’s not urgent, but he said you
should head there after dinner. I’m coming with, though. I wanna know what’s
up.”
Allen nodded, and the Exorcists moved to the hallway that led to the Science
Department. They walked in silence. Along the way, they ran into Darcy, and
Amanda asked him to come with them. Allen liked Darcy; he was nice and easy to
get along with. In the back of his mind, the Fourteenth nodded his agreement.
Anyone with a violin was at least halfway decent… He shook his head, and the
Fourteenth disappeared back to wherever he had been for the entire day. Perhaps
Lavi was wrong and he was better at fighting the Fourteenth than he had given
himself credit for.
---
The entire day had been awkward. Yuu had tried to forget the unsettling morning
but found himself unable to concentrate on his sword drills no matter how long
or hard he practiced them. Instead, memories of the feel of Lavi’s lips
pressing softly against his bombarded his mind, and after a while, he had to
give up. Wielding a sword while distracted was a dangerous thing for both the
wielder and anyone nearby. He spent the rest of his day alternately reading and
brooding. Two hours before dinner, he tried to meditate, but for some reason,
he couldn’t drown out the emotions pounding around the inside of his head. That
was stupid. Emotions didn’t matter to him—he didn’t need them.
It had ended up taking the entire two hours just to calm the feelings and hide
them away from his heart again. What bothered him even more was that as he
walked down to dinner, he met the stupid rabbit he had been avoiding all day.
And Moyashi, damn him, was meddling into his affairs. Yuu took a calming
breath. Getting all worked up about it wasn’t going to help the situation, so
he ignored the feeling, pushing it back into the depths of his soul. Fixing his
usual scowl on his face, he walked on.
Stepping into the Science Department, Yuu itched to have something concrete to
calm himself with. Activating his Innocence, he grabbed the hilt, and
immediately, he felt better, more at ease. The science department looked much
different than it had before, he thought, looking around. Instead of stacks of
paper everywhere, strange objects gave off light. The scientists themselves sat
in front of them, and a clacking sound echoed through the room as a steady
background noise. Everything else was the same, including the architecture of
the place and the familiar form of the Ark. Yuu shuddered, trying not to
remember what Allen had become, but his dream the night before refused to let
him go, and an image of the tainted sword flashed through his vision.
A scream rent through the air, and Yuu looked over to its source immediately.
Allen—and it was definitely Allen right now, not Moyashi—grabbed his head, his
left palm pressing tightly against his cursed eye. It was like he was trying to
hold his head together, like something was trying to rip its way through his
skull. Yuu’s eyes widened. Allen’s skin grew darker and darker, until it had
reached the ashen hue that would forever scar Yuu’s mind. Lavi, who was next to
him, turned and looked behind him. Yuu followed his gaze and saw Amanda. Lavi
rushed over to her, and grabbing her shoulders, shouted desperately, “Give me
your Exorcist jacket!”
“Huh?” She said, too shocked to take in what the redhead was saying.
“Your Exor—” Lavi cut himself off with a frustrated sigh and moved behind her,
pulling the jacket off. Running over to Allen’s screaming, huddled form, he
threw it over the white-haired Noah, hiding him from sight.
“Lenalee, we need to get him to his room,” he said, his voice urgent. He looked
at Yuu, his eye dark and deadly serious. “Yuu, help me carry him. He’s moving
too much for me to do it myself.”
Restraining the younger boy, Yuu and Lavi carried him as fast as possible to
his quarters, where they dumped him on the bed. Once the boy was safely
thrashing there, Yuu allowed himself to lean against the wall, his gaze turned
toward the ceiling. He tried not to shake, but he could feel his body betraying
him. He didn’t notice Lavi looking at him worriedly.
The door opened and five Exorcists walked in. Miranda turned and closed the
door behind them, and Amanda stood there, holding onto Darcy’s arm tightly. Yuu
heard Lenalee’s quick footsteps as she walked over to Allen, and he looked over
at her. He needed to warn her. It was absolutely vital that he tell her what
Allen was capable of. She shouldn’t be that near him. He opened his mouth, but
before he could utter a sound, she grabbed the boy’s hand. He shuddered but
seemed to relax. Yuu closed his mouth.
“It’s going to be okay, Allen,” Lenalee said, taking the hand that wasn’t in
Allen’s and rubbing his hair back from his forehead. Allen stilled, and his
skin began to lighten again. Lenalee kept her hand in his hair, petting his
forehead and muttering assurances softly. Yuu noticed that tears threatened to
fall from her eyes, but as usual, he felt no reason to mention it. She could be
weak and feel emotion if she wanted, and Yuu had no right to interfere.
Behind him, he heard Lavi explain what had happened 117 years before, when
they’d come back from a huge battle that included the Earl himself. A level
four Akuma had followed them from the battle, and halfway back to Headquarters,
it had caught up to them. Despite himself, Yuu was drawn into the memory.
“I can’t wait for Jerry’s cooking. It’s so much better than the stuff we had at
that Inn this morning,” Allen said pleasantly, acting more chipper than a
General had the right to. Then, before Yuu knew what had happened, he fell to
his knees, screaming, his hand covering his eye. Yuu had seen this before. It
usually happened when the curse announced a high level Akuma. Yuu put his hand
to the hilt of Mugen and drew it, activating it as he did so. In the corner of
his eye, he could see Lavi doing the same. Bookman’s face was set, and Yuu knew
he, too, was ready for a fight.
The ground exploded in front of them sending large chunks of rock flying past
Yuu’s face. The level four had landed only a few meters away. Laughing slightly
to itself, it lunged toward the awaiting group. Everything happened in an
instant—jumping backward quickly to escape the creature’s attack, Yuu swore
when he saw that Allen still lay on the ground clutching his face.
“Allen!” Yuu flinched as he heard Lenalee’s hysterical shriek. The sound seemed
to bring the boy back to reality, but he seemed unable to move.
Damn that Moyashi!Yuu swore and flung himself at the other Exorcist. His
reaction was seconds too late as the Akuma crashed into Allen’s body. Yuu was
thrown back by the shock wave. The dust took an agonizingly long time to clear.
When it finally did, there was a collective gasp from the other Exorcists.
There was no blood, no crater, where Allen’s body had been. Instead, Allen
stood proudly, his left arm outstretched in front of him. His claws stuck
deeply into the face of the Level Four. Allen spoke then, but it wasn’t the
voice ofMoyashi.Instead, his voice carried a dark, lyrical timbre.
“Youdareattack me?”
To Yuu’s and the other Exorcists’ shock, the Akuma pulled itself back, ignoring
the large, jagged holes in its head from where Allen’s Innocence had held it
fast. It fell to its gigantic knees and bowed at Allen’s feet,
begging—nogroveling—for his forgiveness.
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize it was you, Noah-sama!” It wailed. “Please,
don’t kill me! I promise I’ll never do it again!”
“No, I’m not going to kill you,” Allen said, still in that strangely melodious
voice. The Akuma looked up in relief, and Yuu could hardly believe that tears
were pouring from its pitiful eyes.
“Thank you, thank you, Noah-sa—”
“You are,” Allen said coldly, his now-deep voice echoing into the night.
The Akuma froze, horrified.
“But—but Noah-sama!” It pleaded.
“Do it. Now.” Allen’s voice was firm and as cold as solid mercury.
The Akuma nodded tearfully, and with a final sob, self-destructed. Yuu felt
sickened. That damnedMoyashiwas the biggest idiot when it came to Akuma. Yuu
knew that theMoyashiwould do anything to save the souls of the Akuma, and that
self-destructing condemned the soul to an eternity of suffering, never to reach
its peace. The fact that Allen had ordered this made Yuu realize that something
was very,verywrong.
As the Akuma blew to pieces, eliciting a gasp from Lenalee, Allen sank to his
knees, screaming.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” He exclaimed, his voice seeming as if it was ripped from
his throat. As it reached the end of the wail, it began to lighten, becoming
something akin toMoyashi’sreal voice. He curled in on himself on the cold, hard
ground and began shaking uncontrollably. “Why did you do that?” He questioned
himself, sobbing. “You’ve been fine just talking and singing in the back of my
head, and I’m content that you will act to defend me—seeing as we share a
body—but why? You know how horrible it is, so why did you do that to the poor
Akuma?”
Yuu was confused. What in the hell was he talking about? He stared on in wonder
as Lenalee pushed past him and ran toward the boy she loved (oblivious as she
was to it). She fell to his side and pulled the boy in front of her into her
lap as best she could. She brushed the fringe from his forehead lovingly
(though she didn’t realize it) and made to run her fingers through his hair.
She paused, and her hand drew back. Then, taking a deep breath, she put her
hand determinedly on his forehead and began stroking his hair. Yuu wondered
what had made her pause, and he walked toward her, noting that someone behind
him was doing the same.
As he came within earshot, he heard Lenalee muttering soothing assurances to
the idiot boy, who was still crying pitifully on the ground. Looking down from
behind Lenalee, he was able to catch sight of the fading stigmata that marred
his forehead. Yuu blanched.Allen’s a Noah, he realized. He didn’t think, just
swiftly pulled Mugen from its sheath. “Hatsudou,” he hissed, his voice low with
inexplicable fury. Allen was a Noah, an enemy, and must be killed. Even if, in
the deep, dark depths of his soul, he had come to respect the boy, just a
little bit. He would have to live with this decision, but it didn’t matter. He
lifted his blade and made to swing down through theMoyashi’schest.
“Extend!”
Mugen met Oodzuchi with a loud clang, one that startled Lenalee, making her
look up. Her pupils dilated in horror.
“Don’t kill him, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said seriously. “I think he’s in control now.”
Yuu stared at him in disbelief.
“Why the fuck not?” He asked, not caring that his accent became thicker in his
haste to speak.
“The Order knows, which means we know. It’s being controlled. This is… an
exception. But he’s still Allen. The Fourteenth Noah does not have the same
hold on him that other Noahs do with their hosts. I think, from what Allen said
after the Akuma self-destructed, that the Noah did that to protect him. And
besides, look at his Innocence. It hasn’t rejected him.”
Yuu reluctantly lowered his blade.
Yuu was brought abruptly back to reality as Amanda shouted something too fast
and high for him to comprehend. He looked over to her and saw her shaking as
she restrained Lolek, both hands placed firmly on his chest.
“And why the fuck shouldn’t I? He’s an enemy! He needs to die!” Lolek roared
back, his Innocence blazing on his forearms.
“Don’t you dare do it, Lolek. And if you even think of cutting me with your
damned Innocence, I’ll—” Amanda was thrown to the ground as Lolek finally
managed to overpower her.
“Lavi!” Yuu shouted, surprising himself. The other man grunted, and within a
moment, he had tackled Lolek to the ground. Standing menacingly over the
struggling man and trying to ignore the sudden irritation he irrationally
felt—that he told himself was directed at the other man’s stupidity—he began to
speak in a low tone, putting every ounce of hate, anger, and disdain into it.
“The Order, it knows, aho. Or at least, it did in our time. It’s being
controlled. As dumb as Moyashi is, he can control it, or I would’ve run him
through with Mugen already. Or hadn’t you noticed? None of us would stand up
for a Noah—myself especially. The Fourteenth does not control him as the other
Noahs control their hosts. And besides, look at his fucking Innocence, baka!
It’s still there, isn’t it? It hasn’t rejected him.”
A moment too late, Yuu realized he’d basically just quoted what Lavi had told
him years before. It seemed to work, though, as the Polish man growled and then
stopped fighting against Lavi.
Allen groaned, putting a hand to his left eye. Lenalee sighed in relief and
allowed herself a small smile as the younger Exorcist began to awake.
---
Everything was blurry, and her eyes didn’t seem to work like they had before.
The strange scream still echoed in her mind. Perhaps it was that that had
finally brought her close enough to break free of the darkness that held her.
For the first time, she felt, really felt, the presence of the others. She
groaned, but her voice came out scratchy, as if she had not used it in a long
time. Her body felt weak, and she could barely breathe and keep her eyes open
without feeling the fatigue.
Allen…. Walker?
She sighed, fighting and failing to say the name of the boy that so often
appeared in her dreams. Beside her, something scraped, although its sound
seemed dull, as if she had stuffed her ears full of cotton.
“Faith?” A voice said. She immediately relaxed to it, recognizing it as her
oldest and favorite sister. She tried to smile, but her muscles wouldn’t allow
her mouth to move. She tried to say “yes,” but her throat wouldn’t make a
sound. “Are you… awake?” The voice sounded astonished and yet somehow relieved
and unbelievably happy. That was what she felt, too. Perhaps the bonds had
begun to grow again.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: There's chapter two! From here on out, things get worse. A lot
     worse. Also, please note that we have ABSOLUTELY NO sympathies with
     the Nazi Party. Amanda is just a bitch... And we feel very, very bad
     for what we did to Kanda, but it was necessary to the plot. And trust
     us, things get worse for everyone. It's a big angst-fest! :D
***** Back in Black (and White) *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Lenalee shooed everyone from Allen’s room as soon as he began to stir,
insisting that he needed quiet, but if she was honest with herself, she just
wanted him alone so she could ask him how he was. He would give her an honest
answer, but in front of anyone else, he would probably underemphasize the pain
he had gone through. As the door closed behind her family, old and new, Lenalee
turned and walked as quietly as she could back to Allen’s side. As she reached
her destination, the boy sat up, groaning and opening his eyes. Unconsciously,
it seemed, he brought his left hand to his eye, as if it was still in pain.
Gently, she reached out and placed her hand over his. Gripping it lightly, she
pulled it away from his face.
“Bundun,”* she said softly, and she used her left hand to slap his cheek. The
slap didn’t carry any force, and it ended up being more of a pat.
Allen looked at her, as if not quite sure why she was there. He opened his
mouth to say something—probably to complain that he was hungry—but before he
could, Lenalee threw herself around his shoulders, holding him tightly.
“You have no idea how worried I was.”
“I’m sorry.” He sounded remorseful enough for Lenalee to forgive him, and he
slowly brought his arms around Lenalee’s back, holding her tightly. All the
tension in his body seemed to relax away, and they spent an indefinite period
just holding each other. It was not uncommon for them to embrace each other
like this; many times after the Ark incident, things had been so bad that the
only thing they could do was turn to each other for comfort. At some point over
those three years, this had become a habit, a way to comfort and be comforted.
As they held each other, content to let themselves simply revel in the contact,
Lenalee thought about what had happened to them. Allen had defeated the Earl,
supposedly, but if there were still Exorcists 114 years after that, then that
meant the Akuma were still around. Lenalee knew that Exorcists did their jobs
with explicit precision, and she was sure that they would have scoured every
centimeter of land and water until every Akuma had been exterminated. Surely,
they couldn’t still be doing that. The Exorcists she knew—no, had known—were
more than talented enough to take down a bunch of Akuma. Which implied that
either the Earl was still alive or that the Noah Clan—or rather, Road, as she
was the only one left—was still causing trouble. Lenalee fervently hoped it was
not the Earl. Noahs they could handle; the Earl was much harder. The fact that
Allen had the power and drive to defeat him was astonishing in itself. She
wanted to ask Allen his opinion, but she couldn’t bring herself to destroy the
peace their embrace created.
She barely noticed as they lay down on the bed, nor did she realize that she
was being pulled into the sweet depths of unconsciousness, still held safely in
Allen’s arms.
They awoke late the next morning. By the positioning of the sun, Lenalee
guessed that it was nearly midday. Still, she had to admit that that had been
the best sleep she had had in a while, not counting her long stasis encased in
her Innocence. Pulling herself from Allen’s slack arms, she got out of the bed.
Her new clothes were rumpled with sleep, and sometime during the night, her
pigtails had been disturbed. She was glad to find her shoes next to the bed,
though, and after a moment, she pulled them on. She decided to freshen herself
up and then come back to wake Allen. However, it was probably safer for him if
he went with her. Sighing, she gave up on the idea of letting her friend sleep
longer.
“Allen, wake up,” she said, nudging his shoulder until he groaned sleepily and
opened his eyes, just as he did every time he awoke.
“Lenalee?” He asked, his voice still thick with sleep. For some reason, his
voice sounded strained, as if he was in mild discomfort. He sat up slowly and
winced a bit before bringing a hand to his head, discreetly covering his left
eye.
“Morning,” she said, trying to sound bright and failing. She went over to him
and ran a hand through his tousled hair. “Did you sleep well?”
“Yes, I did,” he replied, hauling himself the rest of the way upright.
“How’s your eye this morning?”
“It’s… been better,” he admitted, grimacing. “But it has been worse, too.”
“Just tell me if you’re not up to going out of the room, and I’ll bring you
some coffee and something to eat,” she offered. She knew he didn’t want pity,
so she did not apologize or dwell on the subject, instead thinking of a way to
help him.
“No, it’s not quite that bad,” he said, and Lenalee knew he wasn’t lying. He
would never lie to her.
“Are you sure?” She asked, more out of habit than out of distrust.
“Positive,” he answered, giving her a small hug from his seated position on the
bed. Lenalee wrapped her arms around his head and pulled it to her chest.
Slowly, she weaved her hands through his hair. A loud knock echoed through the
room, followed by the door being slammed open.
“G’mornin’, sleepyheads!” Shouted the rowdy redhead as he barged into the room.
A sly grin spread across his face as he saw the two hugging. “Oh, did I
interrupt something?” He asked, his voice dripping with insinuation.
“Lavi!” Allen cried in indignation. Letting go of Lenalee, he threw the covers
off his legs and set about looking through his drawers for something to wear.
“Er, Lenalee, would you mind…?” He said, shooting her an apologetic look.
Lenalee’s eyes widened in understanding, and she blushed before walking quickly
from the room.
“Sorry, Allen!” She said as she left the room. “I’m going to head over to my
room and get changed. I’ll meet you back here, okay?” She didn’t wait for a
response, but she heard Allen’s agreement anyway as she walked down the hall to
her room.
After finding a decent change of clothes, she made her way back to Allen’s
room, stopping only to use the facilities. She knocked softly on his door,
hoping the younger teen was dressed and ready to go. To her surprise, Lavi
opened the door, looking worried.
“After you left, he gradually became less and less responsive. He’s on the
ground again, holding his eye. He’s not screamin’, jus’ shakin’ with the pain,”
he said, as if reporting something to Bookman. He sounded almost emotionless,
and Lenalee wasn’t quite sure what to make of it. She gazed at Lavi strangely,
and after a moment, he seemed to snap out of it. “I’m really worried about him,
though. Maybe you could help?” He stepped aside to let her in, and Lenalee
walked past him to the quivering Exorcist on the floor.
“I told you you weren’t ready to go out of the room,” Lenalee scolded in a soft
voice. Allen looked up, and he gave her a grim smile.
“It’s getting better already,” he said, still obviously in pain. Lenalee shot
him a disbelieving look.
“I know you want Allen to stay here,” Lavi said, coming up to stand behind
them, “but we’ve all gotta go to the Director’s office. I think they’re givin’
us a mission, or something.”
Lenalee sighed and helped Allen up, hoping the teen could make it through the
meeting. “Lead the way,” she said, and Lavi did.
They walked into the round room, and Lenalee’s heart clenched. It was pristine,
as clean as she had seen it since she had joined the Order. Even the Director
before her older brother had been a bit messy, and this level of organization
surprised her. It was as if all of her brother’s presence had been completely
erased, as if he had only been immortalized in the archives as a past Director.
She fought off the wave of pain that emanated from the surprisingly large hole
in her heart and forced herself to look into the eyes of the British man in
front of her.
The man’s dark eyes bored right through her, as if trying to see through her
very existence. He made a grunting sound but said nothing, clearly waiting.
Lenalee found herself thinking that she didn’t particularly care for this man,
but that may have had to do with the fact that he was not Komui, who often made
small talk (most likely to avoid work) while he waited for others to join them.
Just as she was making her judgment of the man, he smiled broadly.
“How are you doing this morning, Miss Lee?” He asked her pleasantly, and she
was almost thrown backward by the good-natured aura that surrounded him. The
shock must have shown on her face, because the man chuckled. “I get that a
lot.”
“I’m sorry,” Lenalee said sincerely, wishing she could take back her original
opinion of the man.
“That’s alright. Like I said, I get it a lot,” he responded kindly, though
Lenalee felt she had to do something to make up for it.
An awkward silence filled the air around them, interrupted only as five
Exorcists barged noisily into the room. Miranda and Lolek were talking quietly,
but Kanda-kun seemed to be having a thunderous fight with Amanda. Darcy walked
in behind them, hand to his shaking head.
“As I said, if you continue to call me by my first name, I will not hesitate to
run Mugen through your tiny American neck!” Kanda roared, drawing his sword.
“Now, now, Yuu-pyon, you know you like it!” Amanda said, sporting a broad grin
even as she shouted loud enough for Lenalee to want to cover her ears.
Kanda-kun immediately swung his sword back, probably preparing for the death
blow.
“Let’s not be hasty!” Exclaimed the Director.
“Yes, Yuu-pyon, don’t be hasty, now!” Amanda shouted, diving behind Lavi, who
was standing next to her. Kanda-kun’s eyes went wide, and his hands twitched on
his blade. Lenalee wondered if he was considering chopping through the both of
them to get to the American. No doubt he’d say it was killing two birds with
one stone. The older Exorcist sighed, and his eyes showed resignation as he
reluctantly lowered his blade, re-sheathing it. He walked threateningly past
Lavi and grabbed Amanda roughly by the shoulders, forcing her forward until her
face was mere centimeters from his.
“If you ever call me that again,” he whispered, his voice so threatening,
despite the thickening accent, that even Lavi backed up a step, “I will kill
you, whether you hide behind someone or not.”
Amanda gulped, but she looked the Japanese Exorcist right back in the eyes,
responding with a quiet, “Sorry for offending, I didn’t think you wouldn’t be
able to take a joke…” but her voice trailed off as she saw Kanda-kun’s glare
become the iciest Lenalee had ever seen it, and that included the day he met
Lavi. Kanda-kun let go of the girl, throwing her backwards in disgust and
walked up to Director Smith’s desk.
“Why are we here?” He growled menacingly. The British man smiled broadly at
him, seemingly unphased. Lenalee had expected him to shrink back in his chair,
perhaps swallow hard, but then, his behavior made sense to her.
“I’ve got two missions that need to be done. You, Lavi, Darcy, and Amanda—yes,
Mr. Kanda, Amanda—will be going to the south of France, where a strange illness
has been affecting the populous. Finders in the area have reported seeing
numerous Akuma and a small girl controlling them. Here are your information
packets.” He handed the four of them rather thick packets and then turned to
the remaining Exorcists. “Miss Lee, you, Miss Lotto, and Lolek will be doing an
Akuma extermination in Bavaria, Germany. From the information the Finders have
gathered, there doesn’t seem to be Innocence in the area—we’ve collected most
of the pieces, anyway—and the Noah Clan seem to be doing things elsewhere. It
should be a simple mission, and I actually hesitate to send you all out, but
since the Akuma there are more evolved than they are in other areas, I thought
it best to go through with it.”
Lenalee took in all the information with ease and grabbed her packet as it was
passed to her. Something wasn’t sitting well in her mind, and she couldn’t
figure it out until Allen spoke.
“Er, is there any particular reason I’m staying behind?” Allen asked. The
Director looked uncomfortable and shifted in his chair; indignation shot
through Lenalee.
“Well, you see, er, we have to—you aren’t exactly—” The Director began.
“You don’t trust him,” Lenalee said bluntly, outrage showing clearly in both
her voice and face.
The Director looked still more uncomfortable. That was answer enough for
Lenalee.
“I’m staying behind. You didn’t need three people on that mission, anyway,” she
stated.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Allen’s face surprisingly
close. She blushed a little but didn’t pull back.
“No, it’s okay, Lenalee,” he said. “I understand that they’re afraid of me.
I’ll be fine on my own.” His tone was that of one resigned to his fate, and
Lenalee stamped her foot in anger.
“No, you will not be alright! They’re going to do something while we’re all
gone—that’s why they’re sending us out! I don’t think I could live if I came
back and you weren’t…” Lenalee felt tears fall from her eyes and moved her
hands up to cover her face. She felt Allen’s arms wrap around her shoulders,
and she leaned into his chest.
“They won’t do a thing to me, Lenalee. I’ll be here when you get back,” he
whispered in her ear so only she could hear it. She didn’t believe him. She,
more than anyone else, knew how cruel the Order could be when it wanted
something done. She heard footsteps nearby and the shuffle of papers; she
opened her eyes. To her shock, Miranda stood grimly in front of the Director
with a very uncharacteristic scowl on her face.
“I’m not needed on this mission. I only have mostly defensive abilities and
would be a liability to Lenalee and Lolek in this situation. There are already
a good number of Exorcists on the other mission, so I’ll have to refuse that
one, too, even though I’d be more useful there. Come get me if you have
something better for me. Of course, I have to go with a partner, and there are
no other Exorcists here at the moment, excepting Allen.” Not waiting for a
response, she turned her back to the desk and walked away. Pausing at Lenalee’s
side, she whispered, “don’t worry, Lenalee. I’ll protect Allen. If they do
anything to him, I’ll reverse their time until they’re newborns.” With that,
she patted Lenalee on the shoulder and left the room, pausing only to give
Lolek an apologetic look.
The Director’s face was stuck in the most surprised expression Lenalee had ever
seen. She had the feeling he wasn’t spoken to like that often.
“She’s right, you know,” Allen said from Lenalee’s side. “As the Director, you
should give missions based on the Exorcist’s strengths. Sending Miranda on an
exterminating mission is the worst thing you could do. You should know your
Exorcists in and out, and this kind of behavior shows a level of incompetence
that even Komui would be ashamed of.”
The Director’s eyes widened comically. Lenalee had a feeling that no one
scolded his actions, especially a short, eighteen-year-old Exorcist. He took a
deep breath and cleared his throat. “You have no right to speak to me like
that, son,” he said coldly, obviously trying to regain his authority.
“No, I have every right to speak to you this way. I’m a General; you’re just
the Director of the Science Department. You may be Head of this branch, but I
still outrank you. It is well within my power to scold you for incompetence,
and I will use that power now.”
“You mean you were a General,” the man countered, his face showing that he
thought he was winning this fight. He didn’t know Allen, though. Lenalee knew
him when he was in his General mindset, and he was as charismatic and stubborn
as Cross had been. He knew how to talk to the Exorcists, to comfort them and to
spur them on; he knew how to issue orders and take them himself; and he knew
how to reprimand the inefficient.
“You can never stop being a General,” Allen replied, a cold tone icing his
voice over. “You, a person who has never fought in this war, can never
understand this. I became a General at fifteen, and I will continue my duties
as a General now, at one hundred and thirty-two.” His posture was stiff as a
rod, and Lenalee could practically see the black and gold outfit hanging from
him, even though he wore a tight-fitting white tee-shirt and a pair of dark
blue jeans. The Director sat stone-still, and Lenalee knew he would have no
response to Allen’s speech. “Come on, everyone. We’re done here,” He said after
a moment. He let go of Lenalee and swept proudly from the room. Everyone
followed without question. They weren’t following Allen Walker; they were
following their General.
--
Finders report a minimum of fifty Akuma surrounding the city of Nice. The
presence of Innocence is of yet unconfirmed. Care is necessary due to rumored
and documented attacks from the Noah known as Road Kamelot….Yuu paused in his
reading, pinching the bridge of his nose. He hadn’t read in English in a while,
even before his extended rest in his Innocence, and he was rustier than he had
thought he’d be. He may have been fluent while speaking the language, but
reading had always eluded him more than he would have liked to admit. Sighing,
he turned back to the page, intending to finish as much of the thick packet as
he could. With travel as quick as that death-machine the Infernal Girl had been
driving, he assumed they’d make it to the south of France alarmingly fast.
Yuu read smoothly through another three pages of the packet before the summary
of the goings-on was completed. He moved on to the first detailed account of
Akuma attacks and stopped short. It was in French. Yuu growled. He spoke
English and Japanese. He knew nothing of any other language beyond simple
greetings. Scowling at the paper as if that would translate it, he moved on to
the second account, which was, thankfully, in a language he could understand.
A young girl with dark, spiky hair was seen in a dark alley, holding an
umbrella. Whether this girl was indeed the Noah, Road Kamelot, is unknown,
though many of the startling number of deaths in the city originated in this
vicinity. The precinct of the district has looked into these deaths and
recovered nine bodies of the original thirteen dead… Yuu sighed again and put
his head in his hand. He would have to grab his dictionary—but then he
remembered he no longer had it. He wanted to cut the entire report with Mugen,
but he refrained, instead trying to make sense of the short paragraph and the
last sentence in particular.
He heard the door open, but he paid it no attention. It was probably that
Infernal Girl coming to annoy him again, and he thought that if he ignored her,
maybe she would get the hint and leave. The springs on his bed groaned, and Yuu
looked up, intending to bite out an expletive and implore the intruder to
leave. Lavi’s face smiled back at him, and he nudged Yuu with his legs.
“Move over, Yuu,” he said. Without realizing it, Yuu obliged. Why was it that
he felt… relieved… to see Lavi? Perhaps it was that he was less annoying than
that stupid girl. “Let’s see… looks like we’ve got ‘a young girl with dark,
spiky hair that was seen in a dark alley, holding—’”
“What are you doing, rabbit?” Yuu asked.
“I’m reading aloud for no one’s benefit but my own!” The redhead responded
pompously before continuing. Yuu had to admit, as much as he didn’t want to,
that he understood it better when the other Exorcist spoke it aloud, but he’d
never say that thought aloud.
“‘The precinct of the district—’ I had to ask Amanda about that one actually—”
Yuu shuddered at the thought of the annoying girl. “—Apparently, they use
precinct as something to do with authorities, like the police and such. Anyway.
‘The precinct of the district has looked…”
Yuu was surprised. Had Lavi noticed the confusion in his eyes when that word
had come up? How had he known that that was exactly what Yuu had been having
trouble with? He would think it over later, after Lavi had finished reading the
packet. It took a much shorter time than Yuu had thought it would. Turning the
packet to page three, Lavi stared at it for a moment.
“I doubt you got this one, Yuu-chan. Let’s see… ‘des démons ont vu sur la rue
Jean Médecin, près de la place. En Monaco, personne n’a pas survécu l’attaque
par les démons et la jeune fille avec les stigmates sur son front…’” Lavi
continued to spout out the entire passage in quick, concise French. Every once
in a while he commented on mistakes or differences between his French and that
of modern day. Yuu figured he would probably do the same if he read a passage
in Japanese, but it still annoyed him. How was reading in French helping anyone
but Lavi!? “Okay, Yuu-chan!” Lavi said suddenly, cutting off the snide comment
Yuu had been about to make. Looking at Yuu, Lavi then said, “I’ve got the basic
thing down. So, it should translate to something like, “Akuma were seen on the
road Jean Médecin, close to the square. In Monaco, no one survived the attack
by the Akuma and the young girl with the stigmata on her forehead…” And he
continued through the passage, not once referring to the paper as he recited it
to Yuu. When he’d finished, four and a half pages later, Yuu could do nothing
but blink.
“Yuu-chan?” Lavi said, waving his hand annoyingly in front of Yuu’s face, as if
he was some unresponsive freak. “What, come on, it was only four pages!” He
exclaimed.
Yuu grabbed the hand in front of his vision, ceasing its movement. “Only four
pages? And it was in French! How could you remember all that and translate?” He
asked, his voice holding no small amount of outrage. The other Exorcist must
have cheated, reading his packet numerous times and painstakingly translating
the French to English.
“Photographic memory, Yuu-chan. It works wonders. Plus, I’m fluent in more than
just English and Japanese, and I’m competent in more than a few other
languages. I’d actually be surprised if there was a language out there I didn’t
know.” Lavi, damn him, said this all in his usual chipper-gone-energetic tone,
and Yuu resisted the overwhelming urge to punch him.
“You disgust me,” he said, glaring at the other man.
“Aww! You don’t love me, Yuu-chan?” Lavi wailed, huge, fake-crocodile tears
falling from his visible eye. He attempted to throw his arms around Yuu, but
Yuu dodged, his heart beating slightly faster than usual. He didn’t do
touching.
“No, I don’t,” he responded, probably a bit harsher than he had meant to. Lavi
cringed a little but continued in his struggle to hug Yuu, eventually
succeeding.
Yuu froze, every nerve in his body screaming against the contact. A tremor
began in his chest, and he fought it down with his entire being. This wasn’t
the same as then…
“Get off, Rabi,” he hissed, not even realizing his livid voice was forming the
words of his native tongue. Lavi’s grip immediately disappeared, and Yuu got up
quickly and hurried from the room. He refused to call it running—his pace
wasn’t fast enough to call it that, and he didn’t want to admit to cowardice.
Cowardice was something he had left far in his past. Vaguely, he realized he
had left his own room, but the tremors in his chest had started again, and he
couldn’t bring himself to care.
---
June 8, 2013—German Countryside
Lenalee stared across the compartment nervously at the broad-shouldered Pole
seated there. He didn’t seem to notice her, instead gazing blankly out the
window. She wasn’t sure if she should be relieved by that fact or not.
Gathering her courage, Lenalee took a deep breath to say what had been on her
tongue since the previous morning.
“He’s not an enemy, you know—Allen,” she said, trying to sound conversational,
as if they had been talking for quite some time. The other Exorcist flinched at
the noise and brought his gaze to bear at Lenalee. Lenalee felt herself jump at
the surprising lack of intensity in Lolek’s face.
“I sort of saw that,” he said, giving her a wry smile. “The way he acted when
Smith tried to isolate him made me at least acknowledge that he was more than I
had originally thought.”
“What did you think of him before?” Lenalee asked, curious despite herself.
“An inexperienced, mannerless brat who had only come upon his position as
General because of his immense power,” the man replied, not looking into
Lenalee’s eyes.
“Why would you—?” Lenalee began, but the Pole raised a hand to stop her. He
took a breath and continued.
“I thought he didn’t know anything of the horrors of war. When I saw the way he
held himself and the way he was able to bring himself down when you were in
pain—when I saw how haunted his face looked as he told Smith off for not
understanding—I realized I was wrong. I don’t think even I could understand
what he’s gone through. What happened back then?” At his last question, his
gaze set itself on Lenalee, and she responded immediately in a sad, reminiscent
tone.
“Allen’s always seen the world differently than us. That curse in his left
eye—one time we were in a village, and we were forced out by a mob. Allen
activated his curse so that we could all see who in the mob was an Akuma and
who was human. I have never been as sickened as I was in that moment. I still
have nightmares about it. Lavi once described it to Geg—my brother. He called
Allen’s world a hell, and I agree with it. People all think it’s just some
handy little tool, but Allen sees the sickening suffering of every Akuma.
It—well, I don’t quite know how he stays sane.” Tears were dripping steadily
from her eyes. “I wish there was some way for me to help him,” she added as she
wiped the tears away.
Lolek looked stunned, as if he had never before thought of Allen’s curse as
what it was. He stood up and walked the short distance to Lenalee’s side of the
compartment before sitting next to her. He put a hand over one of hers and then
pulled her into a brief, one-armed hug.
“The fact that he’s a Noah scares me,” he admitted.
Lenalee nodded. “It scares me too, more than anything.”
Lolek remained quiet, and their conversation lapsed into silence. As the train
pulled to a stop two hours later, they stood, and Lolek said quietly, “I won’t
attack him. That kid is stronger than I gave him credit for. He’ll keep the
Noah at bay.” He grabbed their luggage and walked from the compartment, his
gait as sturdy as his posture.
Lenalee followed, hoping this mission wouldn’t last very long.
---
June 8, 2013—Nice, France—Hôtel Vendôme
The smell of the ocean overwhelmed the group as they headed into the corner
hotel. It was a grand thing, all white brick, standing at a proud four stories.
Lavi was of the mind that it had been converted from a rich man’s château to
the hotel it now was. They walked under the blue arch and into a modest area
covered in moderately-cracked concrete. Confidently, they ascended the steps
and entered the building, holding themselves like the Exorcists they were. Lavi
marveled at the architecture. The inside looked even more like an old château.
It had obviously been renovated recently, though, judging by the clarity of the
colors that painted the walls. This building was on the border of Old Nice and
would have been built at a much earlier age than some of the surrounding
places. Turning left, they headed to the front desk, where Amanda took a
breath, trying to engage one of the workers. Lavi put a hand on her shoulder
and she looked back.
“Allow me,” he said and leaned against the desk. “Excusez-moi, madame, mais mes
amis et moi, nous voudrions une, euh—do we want one room or two, Amanda?” The
girl in question answered, and Lavi continued. “—deux chambers pendant trois
semaines, s’il vous plait.” The woman at the desk raised her eyebrows but
responded in the affirmative. Lavi took care of the rest of the preparations,
the others staring at him in surprise.
As they walked to their rooms, Darcy cleared his throat.
“I didn’t know you knew French, Lavi,” he said in a surprised tone.
“Yeah, I’m fluent in a lot of languages. I am a Bookman-in-training, after
all,” Lavi said with pride. Realizing belatedly that he could no longer
possibly be an heir to the Bookman line, he added, “or at least, I was.” His
voice, damn it, sounded with a lot more emotion than he had meant to put in. It
sounded too out of character for “Lavi,” but he hoped no one would catch that.
He hadn’t known Amanda and Darcy long enough for them to really know his
character, but despite how crazy she acted, Lavi knew how intelligent Amanda
actually was. She seemed to be very similar to him, now that he thought about
it. And Darcy wasn’t bad intelligence-wise, either, so he wouldn’t be surprised
if the man noticed something. And Kanda already knew about his different
personalities. After knowing the other man for five years, Lavi couldn’t keep
much from him.
“Why aren’t you now?” Darcy asked, and Lavi noticed Amanda looking at him in
interest from the corner of his eye.
“Well, Bookman must’ve found someone. He was really old—over ninety—but I’m
sure he refused to die until his new apprentice was properly trained. If he had
a new apprentice, then obviously, I’m no longer the heir,” Lavi said, trying to
keep his voice cheerful and failing. Kanda grunted next to him, and Lavi took
that as a comforting one. Really, Kanda had no idea how kind and caring he
actually was. Lavi laughed a bit in his head but showed none of his amusement
on his face.
Both rooms were small, almost cramped, but very nice. The beds, when Lavi
tested one, seemed to be rather comfortable, and the windows in both rooms had
excellent views of the ocean’s stunning blue waters. The bathrooms were
sparklingly clean, with dazzling white tile and white, painted walls. A mirror
stood peacefully above the simple sink, and light filtered in through the high
window above the toilet, making every surface shine. Lavi was impressed with
them. He always liked staying at a good hotel or inn. It made him feel welcome.
“These beds are really only made for one person, so someone will have to stay
with me,” Amanda said. “Darcy, you may as well be with me. Yuu-san and Lavi
probably want to be on their own.” She pulled the Irishman out of the room, and
a moment later, Lavi heard the door of the other room close. He turned to
Kanda, who was still at the window, and pondered how best to annoy the other
man.
They’d gone up the beach and back down three times now and had found nothing.
Lavi had the entire stretch memorized, down to the old lady’s flopping breasts
at the other end. He had not wanted to see that, but it was now burned in his
retina for life. Kanda and Amanda looked just as shocked and uncomfortable as
Lavi felt, but Darcy seemed to be elated.
“Oh, I love topless beaches!” He trilled happily in his Irish accent. Amanda
hit him upside the head.
“You’re such a pig, Darcy,” she said. “Whenever we go somewhere like this, you
always take time to rudely gawk at all the women!”
“Shut up, Amanda. You’re the same at nude beaches; don’t deny it,” Darcy shot
back.
“I never took you for a liar, Mr. Darcy,” Amanda said, taking on her awful
approximation of a British accent. Lavi would have to teach a proper one
sometime. “Well, anyway, someone should put you in your place.” She shrugged
off her Exorcist jacket and let it fall to the ground. She unzipped the black
shirt beneath it and then pulled off her undershirt. Unclipping her bra, she
turned to Darcy, a glare on her face. “I think I’ll go swimming now.” She
pulled off her strange shoes and her long socks, and then she was running
toward the gentle blue waves.
Darcy’s eyes had bugged out comically, blushing deep enough for it to clash
mightily with his hair, and when Lavi looked at Kanda, a meter to his left, he
noticed the Japanese man was blushing as well. For some reason, something
tugged at his heart, but as the Bookman he was, he ignored it.
Amanda walked back, dripping and smelling of the sea, not seeming to care that
she was exposing her ample chest. Lavi found himself blushing as well, and he
turned his head enough to keep her out of range of his left eye.
“Stop being so indecent!” Darcy shouted, and Lavi forced down a chuckle at
Kanda’s sharp nod of agreement.
“It’s not indecent! What’s indecent is you staring!” Amanda shot back. It
occurred to Lavi that perhaps the two were attracted to one another.
“I would never stare at you,” Darcy hissed. Amanda’s face looked hurt for a
moment, but then the expression was gone. She definitely has feelings for him,
Lavi thought. Bookman would have been proud if he could see Lavi now. His
stomach sank again. You have to stop thinking like that! He scolded himself.
Pushing away the emotion that shouldn’t exist, he forced his mind to take in as
much detail as possible. He would even write logs that night. He’d write them
in an obscure language, just to keep his mind away from the man who had taught
him everything…
“What, you don’t like what you see?” Amanda asked angrily.
“No, it’s not that, its—” the Irishman clammed up, his jaw closing with an
audible click.
Lavi knew this wasn’t going to end well. Either the brunette could comment on
this and make a huge amount of trouble, or she could wisely keep her mouth shut
and let it fly. But Lavi knew which action she’d take, and he decided to grab
Kanda’s arm in his hand and drag him from the scene. This was edging on
something too personal for it to be polite to listen in.
“It’s what, Darcy?” Amanda asked, her voice tinted with some intangible emotion
that Lavi did not want to understand.
“It’s—you’re too—I—”
Kanda was walking quickly on his own now, but Lavi hadn’t let go of the other
man’s arm yet, instead trying to make their pace faster. They were well out of
earshot now, but even a deaf person could have heard the outraged cry that
followed.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN, ‘I’M TOO YOUNG!?’”
Lavi winced and pulled them ever faster away from the scene Amanda and Darcy
were making.
---
Several days had passed since the incident on the beach, and the awkward air
between Amanda and Darcy was becoming stifling. The group of four walked down
the pier hoping to come across some sign of the Innocence they were hunting.
After finding nothing on the beach, they had gone to the other side of the city
and had scoured it until nightfall for days. This was the last place left in
Old Nice that they had yet to check. Lavi wasn’t overly hopeful, and the
tension in the group was reaching breaking point.
Suddenly, they realized that the streets were quieter than they should have
been. A light laughter drifted down the alleyway. Lavi recognized it
immediately. He could never forget it.
“Oh, look! A group of Exorcists to play with!” The high voice squealed with
delight. Lavi activated his Innocence, grabbing the hammer in his right hand,
and out of his peripheral vision he saw the others do the same. Seeming to have
stepped out of the shadows, stood Road Kamelot.
“You bitch,” Amanda said, loathing dripping from her tongue. She flung the
brightly gleaming discus at the cutely dressed Noah in front of them. Stepping
forward into the light, Road deftly caught the Innocence in one hand.
“You’ll have to fight better than that to get me. And no one except Allen could
fight that well,” she said, tossing the Innocence back flippantly. To Lavi’s
surprise, it hit Amanda in the head, and the girl fell back, her head hitting
the sidewalk with a hard thunk! Road giggled. Turning her sights on the other
Exorcists, she spoke in her annoying, high-pitched voice, “let’s see, who do I
get to play wi—” She froze, her expression that of a person who had just seen a
ghost. “You two… weren’t you dead?” She asked.
“Nope, alive as ever!” Lavi shouted out cheerfully.
“But you’re dead! I had the girly, black-haired one close to death! Even though
I had to attend to the Earl immediately after he left, the girly one would have
died!” Her voice held a denial so strong that Lavi wondered if there was
something else bothering her.
A quarter of a meter to his right, Kanda growled with rage. Though Lavi would
never admit it, Kanda was a bit girly, as much as the other tried to ignore it.
Suddenly, Road’s eyes lit up. “If you guys are here, that must mean Allen’s
still alive!” She shouted, and Lavi was sure he heard a distinct note of hope
in her voice.
“Aye, he’s alive,” Darcy said. Road looked elated.
“Oh my God! Are you serious?” Road yelled, running closer to the group of
Exorcists. Darcy took a step back, stooping down to grab Amanda in case they
needed to run.
“He’s alive,” Lavi confirmed. The Noah ran up to them and threw her arms around
Kanda and Lavi, pulling them into a tight hug. She squealed loudly in their
ears and then pushed them away, sending them sprawling. She then proceeded to
do something akin to a victory dance, jumping up and down in her happiness.
“What the fuck is wrong with her?” Darcy asked, taking his eyes off the crazy
Noah to look at Lavi.
“She had… a sort of thing for Allen,” Lavi said. Kanda snorted, and Lavi
amended, “well, a rather large thing for Allen. I’d say it bordered on love or
something.”
Road froze, her arms in still in the air. “But Love is dead,” she said. Her
eyes went wide, and she whispered, “oops!” before summoning a door and running
through it.
Lavi wondered what the fuck she was talking about.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N:
     *Idiot in Mandarin
     Lavi’s French in the hotel translates to this: Excuse me, madame, but
     my we would like one, uh, two rooms for three weeks, please.
     And, as a random tidbit, we’ve both been to the places we’ve sent the
     Exorcists, so we actually know what we’re talking about! (omg!
     Amazing!) Also, please excuse our numerous mistakes this chapter.
     We’ve been really tired when writing these, so we may have missed a
     few things. The next ones will be better.
***** The Generals Come Marching Through and Through *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
June 15, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Allen’s head ached. A lot. It had been hurting the entire week, and he couldn’t
tell if it was because he was angry that he’d been left behind or that Smith
had been following him the whole time. It distinctly reminded him of when the
Order had placed Howard Link as his “guardian.” Of course, Link had been
straight with Allen about his orders. Smith, on the other hand, tried to make
it look like it all was a mere coincidence when they met in the dining hall, in
the hallways, as well as on the way to the bathroom, several times a day. Even
the Fourteenth had gotten annoyed at the guy and was currently singing a
hateful little tune in the back of Allen’s head about what he’d like to do to
the man.
Flay him, burn him, cut off his limbs! Fourteen sang. Mutilate and desecrate
his smoldering remains! No one will miss him, no one will care! We can even
steal his too-large underwear!
Allen couldn’t suppress a snicker at that last line. He had to admit, Fourteen
could sometimes be highly amusing, if a little dark.
But suddenly, Smith was looming behind him. Again.
“What are you laughing at, sonny? Care to share?” There he was, trying to be
subtle about prying into Allen’s business.
“No, not particularly,” Allen replied nonchalantly, picking up his pace.
“We’re expecting a few guests this evening, and I think they’ll want to meet
you. You are Destroyer of Time, after all. And they may be able to help you
with your… affliction. Anyway, I’ll see you in the main lobby at seven this
evening,” Smith said. He walked off, but Allen heard the man’s steps stop the
second he turned the corner. He really was hopeless at subtlety.
Walking quietly until he was near the Director, he gave a quiet response. “You
know, Director, I’m not stupid. I know you’ve been following me since you sent
my friends off. There’s no need to be afraid. Noah only comes out when I’m
threatened physically. Or when I’m playing music. And wouldn’t you believe it?
I feel like singing now!” He heard feet scamper away, and he had to chuckle a
little bit. That had been easier than he’d thought.
Miranda walked up to him, and the two of them spent another quiet day together,
talking and playing cards. Allen won every game, of course. Miranda took it
well, though, and Allen began to teach her some of the easier tricks. It would
be nice to have someone on equal footing who he could play against. He’d still
win, of course, Allen thought with a smile. Humming a harmless tune, he
whittled away the hours until seven rolled around. He wasn’t exactly sure who
the guests were, but he assumed they were people high up in the Order. He would
have fun taking them down a few notches—it was something he’d been taught by
Cross and something he’d been waiting to implement ever since he first became a
General.
Allen knew immediately that the three people coming out of the lift were
Generals. He knew by the way that they carried themselves and by the
distinctive gold embellishments on their jackets. The one leading the three was
a tall African woman who carried a belt on which a stick was held. She had
sharp features and deep, rich eyes, and her long, black hair was tied up in
cornrowed braids. She wore her Exorcist jacket proudly. It was a long number;
Allen could barely see her booted toes beneath its length. Two men followed
closely behind her, almost like shadows in her presence. One was definitely
Asian, probably Vietnamese, but Allen wasn’t quite sure. The Asian carried a
type of gun Allen had never seen before in his right hand. The other man
carried a large knife in his hand, and Allen recognized it immediately as a
machete. Further behind them was clustered a group of three apprentices, but
Allen paid them no attention, too preoccupied by the staggering presence of the
woman in front of him.
“Allen Walker, I presume?” she asked as she stopped barely a meter from him.
“Yes, I’m Allen. May I ask who you are?” Allen said, slipping into his General
persona.
“I am called Cyrah Kabbah, and behind me are Tuan Chu and Tamas Varga. We are
the three Generals of the Dark Order,” she responded, her voice imperious.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you. It is always nice to meet fellow Generals.” The
woman’s face twitched in annoyance.
“Really, I didn’t know we were allowing Noahs into the Order now,” she said,
her voice mockingly light.
“I was, and am, an Exorcist,” Allen replied coldly, and with a gesture of his
hand, the Crowned Clown settled onto his shoulders. In an instant, the African
woman had pulled the rod from her belt, and with a flick of her wrist, her
Innocence crackled forth and encircled Allen’s wrist. Crying out in pain, he
dropped to his knees. Behind her, the two men prepared to strike as well.
Allen looked up into the deep, now merciless gaze, “Stop now, or I’ll lose my
control over him,” he warned, and from the twitch in his right eye, he knew it
had changed to the golden hue of the Noah.
The woman didn’t even pause to consider the danger she was putting them all in,
she simply drew her Innocence back and whipped it forward again. Screaming,
Allen’s face hit the floor. His head was now pounding with the angered
cacophony of the Fourteenth screaming to be let free. His left eye felt like it
was about to burst.
“Please, for the love of God, stop, before I accidentally kill you all!” Allen
pleaded from the cold stone of the floor. His Innocence was curled around him
like a blanket, the only thing keeping the strong Noah at bay. Still the whips
rained down on his back. Now practically sobbing in both pain and desperation,
he suddenly shuddered and stopped. Standing slowly despite the repeated blows,
he lifted his head and met the woman’s eyes, “Since you are trying to let him
out,” he said shakily, “I will show you what I go through every day keeping him
in my head.” Allen let all of his barriers down and the Noah swept forth,
darkening Allen’s skin. The woman’s eyes widened in fear, and she took an
unconscious step back. The Fourteenth laughed in his deep, melodious voice…
----
June 15,2013—Dingolfing, Bavaria
The exploding Akuma looked like fireworks in the night sky. Lenalee alighted on
the ground, her Dark Boots making barely a sound. The two Exorcists stood in
silence for a few moments, breathing deeply, listening for any sound that would
indicate there were still enemies about. There was nothing but the soft patter
of footsteps as Lolek ghosted to her side.
“It’s too quiet on my side,” he mumbled into her ear. Lenalee gave a sharp nod,
showing she understood. He was right, even the cicada calls had ceased. The two
walked quietly though the small town; the streets were unusually empty.
Reaching the center of the town, Lenalee scanned the square. A small movement
caught her eye. Looking up to the statue of the Virgin Mary that topped the
fountain in the middle of the square, she noticed the shadows on the gilded
lady’s face shift slightly. Signaling to Lolek, the two crept toward the
fountain. Lenalee’s Dark Boots made no sound on the uneven cobblestone. A tiny
giggle, like that of a child, flitted lightly from behind the statue. Without
warning, it exploded, sending golden pieces flying toward the Exorcists. In its
place, balancing lightly on the fountain’s pedestal, stood a Level Four Akuma.
Lenalee didn’t pause before activating her Innocence, launching herself at the
foul creature. Lolek was one step behind her, forming his parasitic gauntlets.
She hit the Akuma before Lolek could even blink. The Akuma’s gruesome armor
cracked at the impact, and Lenalee used the rebound force to take her high into
the air. Flipping in a slow back layout, she waited until she was almost at the
peak of her jump before shouting out to her partner.
“LOLEK! Knock it back toward the fountain!”
He looked up, nodded, and complied, a fierce look of determination on his pale
face. He broke through its defenses with a speed that rivaled Kanda’s and had
it flying back toward the fountain the second Lenalee hit the top of her jump.
“INNOCENCE!” She shouted, and it lit up, ready to heed her orders. “LEVEL
THREE: PIERCING HEAVENS!” She shot down like a rocket, wind whistling like a
teakettle in her ears. Faster than the speed of sound, she drilled into the
Akuma, passing through it as if it were a bowl of pudding. She landed easily
but hard on the ground and took off at a run, grabbing Lolek’s gauntleted arm
as she did so. The Level Four Akuma exploded in their wake, destroying what was
left of the fountain. They hit the ground with the force of the aftershock, and
water from the destroyed centerpiece drenched them, but other than a few
scrapes and bruises, they seemed to be fine. Not trusting that to be the last
one, Lenalee stood up as quickly as her sore body would allow her, once again
scanning the square. She waited, shifting her gaze warily past the
surroundings. In her peripheral vision, she saw Lolek get up and do the same.
Noise flooded back into the world as the Akuma’s dying flames calmed to
nothing, and Lenalee let out a breath, relaxing.
“I think that was the last one,” she said, her breathing still hard from
exertion.
Lolek relaxed as well, deactivating his Innocence before turning and gaping at
Lenalee, his mouth open in shock.
“You… just destroyed a Level Four… on your own?” He asked.
“No, I had your help,” Lenalee replied simply, shooting him a cheerful smile.
“I didn’t do anything; I just put it at the right angle for you.”
“That’s helping!” Lenalee remarked, still smiling. The Polish man sighed,
shaking his head.
“How did you get so strong, anyway?” He asked her. “Was everyone from your time
like you?”
“No, I was a General,” she responded simply.
Lolek’s eyes bugged out, and his jaw dropped again. “Bitte?” He cleared his
throat. “I mean—pardon me?”
“I was a General. Wasn’t it recorded?” Lenalee asked, now curious as to how
much of their history had been preserved. Not mentioning that Allen was sharing
a mind with the Fourteenth Noah was one thing, but leaving her off of the list
of Generals was different. She had worked hard for that position, and though it
had taken her from Allen’s group, which had essentially become her family, she
was immensely proud of it. She didn’t particularly care if her name was left
off the page, but she had known for a fact that Lavi had been doing the
historical records for the Order at that point. She’d have to ask him about
that later.
“No, I don’t remember seeing it in any of the archives, but it’s possible I
missed it,” Lolek responded, sounding sheepish, as if he had missed something
vital and was now being scolded for it.
“Don’t be upset about it, Lolek, I’m just wondering why Lavi kept it out of the
official records Gege—that’s Komui—made him write.” Lenalee had to smile a bit
at the memory. Toward the end of the war, there had been so much paperwork that
Komui had had to go to the Exorcists for help.
“You really miss your brother, don’t you?” Lolek asked softly as they began to
walk away from the square and back to the hostel they were staying in.
“It’s like half of my world has been torn away from me,” Lenalee said, her
voice dropping to a dynamic much quieter than Lolek’s. She felt a warm pressure
on her shoulder and realized the other Exorcist had wrapped his arm around her,
pulling her close. It wasn’t like Lavi’s flirting, or like Allen’s silent
comfort; it was something different, like an older brother offering support to
his younger sister. Lenalee felt some of the grief she was feeling lessen a
tiny little bit.
“I know what it’s like, losing a sibling,” he said, his voice cracking on the
last word. Lenalee turned her head to look at him and saw he was on the verge
of tears.
Feeling like she was prying, she asked quietly, “who?”
His response didn’t come at once, and Lenalee understood that he was fighting
back the tears that seemed to want to roll down his face. Even now, his eyes
were swimming with them. “My little sister,” he finally croaked. In his voice
was a grief so deep that it threatened to eclipse Lenalee’s own.
She didn’t press, and she hadn’t expected him to continue, so she was shocked
when, as they settled in their small room in the hostel, he began to speak
again as if no time had passed at all since their conversation had lulled into
silence.
“She was an Exorcist, too. We were twins, so we both had parasitic-type
Innocence. They both formed gauntlets, and we fought extremely well together.
The Generals often commented on our impeccable teamwork. We had a very strange
bond. Not only were we connected by the same blood, we were connected by the
same Innocence. I really am only half the man I was after she died. I can’t
activate my Innocence as well as I could before, because, well, there’s only
half of it now.” He stopped to take a breath, and Lenalee put a hand on his arm
comfortingly, hoping it would take away the sting her next question would
create.
“How?” She needn’t say anything else.
“We were on a mission—we were looking for one of the last pieces of Innocence.
I think we were somewhere in Brazil. I can’t remember—” his lips turned up in a
wry smile. “—all of my memories from that time have gotten a bit hazy. But I do
know that we had the Innocence. She was carrying it for us. She always told me
that I’d drop it and then we’d have to report back to Smith with nothing. It
was our little joke.” He cleared his throat loudly. “We thought all of the
Akuma were gone—and they were—so we deactivated our Innocence, glad to have the
job done. We hadn’t been expecting our enemies to be human, too. After he flung
my sister to the ground with crazy strength, he destroyed her Innocence. And
then he found the Innocence we’d just recovered, too, and he got to it. It was
after that that the Order checked its archives and found out all about you guys
and your fight with the Noahs and the Earl. We all thought it was just a
myth—the part about the Noah Clan, anyway. Any Exorcist knows about the Earl,
but no one thought about the people who had fought with him or about the
Exorcists who had fought against him.”
Lenalee patted his arm again before moving her hand to rub circles onto his
back. When she looked up at his face, Lolek had a solitary tear following the
flow of gravity toward his chin.
“No one knew who Allen Walker was until the archives were uncovered. And the
Noahs. There used to be so many. But most of them had been killed. Maybe that’s
why they were forgotten.”
Lenalee thought she heard a small note of resentment in his voice as he talked
of the Noahs.
“What was her name?” Lenalee asked, hoping she wasn’t being rude.
“Lolle,” he said. “That’s actually a German name, but since our mother was
German… Anyway, Lolle was a doll. She looked very similar to me—hell, we were
twins after all, fraternal as it was. I always thought of her as perfect. Lolle
was my light, and she was extinguished as easily.”
“You miss her more than you let on.” It was a statement. No one needed to
question the man’s grief.
“Like you said, a gaping hole in my heart.”
---
June 15, 2013—Nice, France
Lavi shed his outer jacket the second they stepped into the air-conditionned
room of their hotel. It had been another exhausting day. After meeting Road,
they had scoured the city again, along with the coast and neighboring areas.
The day before, they’d done Monaco, and tomorrow, they would check at the
hospitals again. They’d checked everywhere except the water itself, which was
what found him and Kanda back in their room with skin-tight numbers Amanda and
Darcy had called wet suits. Proceeding to throw off the rest of his clothes, he
heard a shocked grunt from Kanda’s position a few meters behind him.
“Bathroom,” he heard the other Exorcist mumble, and a second later, the door
half-slammed. Lavi chuckled despite himself and pulled on the wet suit. It was
a dark blue, which he thought went magnificently with his red hair. As he
grabbed the mask Amanda had bought, though, he wondered what he would do about
his eye. He didn’t want the others to have to see that, especially not Kanda.
Lavi blinked in confusion. Why not Kanda? What was so different about him than
anyone else? But try as he might, he couldn’t push back the feeling of… the
feeling. Why was he feeling? He tried to push it back again, but the stubborn
thing wouldn’t budge, and Lavi started to panic. He was a Bookman, he couldn’t
do something as reckless as feel—but there it was, that feeling of nervousness
that Kanda would see what was under his eye patch, would be repulsed by it. And
for some reason, that was the scariest thing Lavi could think of, try as he
might to keep it at bay.
Still contemplating his choice of headgear, he heard the bathroom door squeak
open. Glad for a distraction, he turned to look at the emerging Exorcist. His
jaw dropped. If he had thought Yuu had looked good in those tight pants Amanda
had made him wear, then he obviously didn’t know what “good” was. Lavi was
instantly glad for his perfect, photographic memory, as he would undoubtedly be
living this moment again many times. Kanda had always looked really good in
black, but the wet suit was even darker than his Exorcist uniform, and it left
absolutely nothing to the imagination. Lavi, with his better-than-perfect
vision, could see every contour, every muscle beneath the skin-tight garment.
His gaze shifted down, and he admired Kanda’s muscled legs, but as he was
looking up again, he caught himself. Blushing, he turned away, hoping the other
man hadn’t realized that Lavi had been blatantly checking him out. He heard the
fabric of the wetsuit move as Kanda shifted a little bit. Lavi bit at his lip.
He had realized in that exact moment why he had kissed the other man when Yuu
had held him so desperately. He realized why his heart pounded sometimes when
he passed Kanda in the hall. He was attracted to Kanda. It was the first time
he had actually, truly been attracted to someone. Even though he flirted with
women and admired them for their beauty, he had never actually felt drawn to
them, because, of course, that wasn’t allowed. For a Bookman, the sex drive was
fatal, and Lavi felt weak even admitting that he had fallen prey to it.
And really, he should have realized that he was attracted to the other man
already. After all, they had kissed before. He thought back to that time.
---
June 21, 1889—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Everyone was in a rush, eating food, talking with friends, cramming in some
extra sleep. Because that night, they went to war. Or rather, battle. Lavi and
Bookman wrote and condensed as many logs as they could. Lenalee was sitting
nervously in the dining hall, talking with friends. When she wasn’t there, she
was with her brother, grabbing his arm possessively, as if assuring them both
that she would survive. Allen was stuffing his face as much as possible, trying
to get as much energy as he could. And Kanda… he was probably training with
Mugen or meditating in his room. Krory sat and ate with Allen, and Lavi
couldn’t remember where Miranda and Chaoji were. Noise sat in the library,
concentrating on nothing, relaxing in the peace and quiet. Lavi very much
wished to do the same, but he knew he wouldn’t have time. His hand was already
cramping from overuse, and he and Bookman were nowhere near ready to leave yet.
Lavi shuddered at the thought of having to miss his last few hours of free
time. He knew many of his coworkers would die, and though he didn’t care if
they were there or not, he knew it was uncharacteristic of his current persona
to be missing.
With a small flourish, Lavi finished the log he was working on, and when he
went to grab paper for the next one, he almost ran into Bookman. The small man
patted him on the arm—he was too short now to reach Lavi’s shoulder.
“You should go eat, Lavi. You’ll need your strength for later, as you are a far
better fighter than I. Just remember to stay objective,” Bookman said, his
voice as grim as his face.
Lavi nodded and patted the man’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, Old Panda, I’ll be
fine. You won’t lose your successor to this war. Besides, I’m famished. See ya
later!” He turned and left, waving absently behind him.
Walking down the ever-familiar corridors to the dining hall, Lavi let his mind
wander, thinking through the odds of survival, as he had many times that day.
However he looked at it, they weren’t promising. He grimaced to himself and
then fixed on his persona’s usual small grin.
When he was halfway to his destination, he saw a movement in one of the side
rooms. The hairs on his neck prickled, and his hand went to his hammer. It was
probably just his paranoia doing weird things to his head, but he was sure that
he was in danger. Creeping back to the side room, he peeked through the crack
in the door. His eye widened as he realized someone was right there on the
other side.
“Move, Baka Usagi,” the other person said, and Lavi relaxed immediately. It was
only Kanda. Deciding he’d tease the man for what might very well be the last
time, he pushed the door inward, making the other man move backward. He heard a
growl and grinned playfully.
“Don’t think so, Yuu-chan!” He said cheerfully, entering the dark room.
And suddenly, it hit him. This was probably the last time he’d ever see Kanda
alive. He didn’t particularly care if the man survived or not, but the fact was
that he would miss the man’s presence. It wasn’t a feeling, per se, but it
nagged at the back of his head. What if he never saw the guy again? Abruptly,
panic hit him. He didn’t want that, Bookman or not. He didn’t even realize what
he was doing as he grabbed the Japanese Exorcist by his upper arms and pinned
him to the cold, stone wall next to the door. The man gasped in surprise as
Lavi roughly forced their lips together. It was awkward and hard, but it was
intense, and he felt something very foreign in the pit of his stomach. Pulling
back almost immediately, he growled, “don’t you dare die, you idiot,” and
marched swiftly out the door and down the hall. By the time he made it to the
dining hall, his heartbeat was almost back to normal, and he had repressed the
panic he had felt just moments before. He even managed to forget that strange
sensation that had risen from the pit of his stomach through his chest.
---
June 15, 2013—Nice, France
Pulling himself back to the present, he muttered to himself, “I can’t believe I
didn’t realize it sooner.”
“Realize what?” Came Kanda’s voice, and Lavi flinched as he realized that the
Japanese Exorcist had moved in front of him and was now waving his hand in
front of Lavi’s eye.
“Er… that I look damn good in a wetsuit,” he replied hastily. Kanda’s eyes
narrowed, but he let the subject drop. They pulled their Exorcist jackets over
their swimwear and headed out.
They walked leisurely over to Amanda and Darcy’s room and knocked. Lavi thought
he’d heard raised voices, but they stopped the moment Kanda rapped on the
wooden door. A moment later, the other two Exorcists emerged, and as a group,
they walked down the stairs, through the glass door, and down the main stair to
the main lobby. Nodding politely to the receptionist, Lavi followed the rest
from the building, trying not to stare at Kanda’s back. He was failing
miserably, and he finally gave it up as a bad job. If he was going to be
attracted to Kanda, he might as well enjoy the view.
The Finder stood expectantly in front of two tank-things. Lavi quickly asked
Amanda what they were, and she responded, saying they were oxygen tanks. That
peaked Lavi’s interest. He really had so much to learn. Even if he was no
longer the Heir to Bookman—he winced inwardly at the thought—he still had an
insatiable curiosity.
The Finder, seeing that Lavi and Kanda were clad in wetsuits, handed them each
a cylinder and a pair of strange shoes much like the ones Lavi had seen in the
swim shop. The Finder proceeded to explain the mechanics of scuba diving. After
a long afternoon of instruction, Lavi and Kanda found themselves going for a
test dive. Nothing went wrong, and the Finder declared them proficient.
The next morning, Lavi and Kanda found themselves on a sailboat off the coast
of the neighboring town, Juan les Pins. Surrounded by white cliffs and clear,
blue water, the two prepared to dive.
“Don’t forget, if there are Akuma, resurface!” Amanda shouted, waving at them
from the other side of the boat. Kanda scowled at the girl, obviously annoyed
at being reminded for the twenty-sixth time.
“Yes, we get it, Amanda! And if you need help, use the radio,” Lavi yelled
back. They had decided early on that two of them would search beneath the water
while the other two stayed above to watch for Akuma. Since Lavi and Kanda were
both more experienced than the other two in finding Innocence, it made sense
that they were forced to dive. Actually, Lavi was looking forward to it. It was
his goal to try everything at least once, if he could.
Noting the set face of the Japanese Exorcist roughly four centimeters from his
left shoulder, Lavi realized it was time to enter the water, and he fell
backward immediately. He watched as Kanda did the same only moments later, and
he heard the muted crashing noise as his companion plunged below the surface.
Turning so he was parallel to the ground, Lavi had to admire the view. Dark
green algae carpeted the sea floor, but Lavi could see hints of the white sand
beneath it. He had to smile as he saw a chair upside down on the algae. It
seemed to have been there for a while, as plant-like organisms were beginning
to grow on its metallic surface.
One and a half hours passed swiftly and uneventfully. They had scoured only a
small portion of the large bay, but they had a few days to work on this spot,
and Lavi had a good feeling about it. With only a quarter of an oxygen tank
left each, they turned upward to rest and replace the cylinders. On their
seventh trip to the surface, something caught Lavi’s eye, and he grabbed Yuu’s
wrist as the man made to swim up.
“Wait, Yuu-chan,” he said, using the radio for the first time the whole day. It
had been uncharacteristic of him to be so quiet, but the Finder had drilled
into them the importance of radio silence. If someone had to say something
important, it would be best if people realized right away. Interrupting the
silent radio would be the perfect way to get another’s attention. So,
reluctantly, Lavi hadn’t spoken all day.
“Nan desu ka, Baka Usagi?” Kanda growled over the radio, his voice made tinny.
“Er, look over there, Yuu-chan,” he said, pointing with his left hand—the one
that wasn’t holding Kanda’s wrist. “Do you see that?” Lavi could see some sort
of sparkle surrounded by polluted waters.
Yanking his wrist from Lavi’s grip, he yelled, “See what?”
“Oh, I forgot your eyes suck,” Lavi said drily. He looked over at Yuu and was
surprised to see the other man holding his wrist to his chest, as if he had
been burned by Lavi’s touch. His posture, even under water, seemed stiff, and
Lavi immediately became worried. Had he hurt Kanda? Remorse filled him as
immediately as the worry had; Lavi wondered vaguely why he was feeling anything
at all. It didn’t make sense. Pushing that from his mind—there was a more
pressing situation right now, and Lavi could always introspect some other
time—he began to swim toward the small glimmer of light.
“Where the hell are you going, Lavi?” The other Exorcist hissed icily. Lavi
didn’t understand why he was so mad, but he pushed that from his mind, too,
instead deciding to answer him calmly.
“I saw a glimmer up there. You’ll be able to see it in a minute. I’m thinking
it may be the Innocence, so let’s check it out. If we need to go to the surface
and swim back above water, then that’s what we’ll do. Come on, you want to get
out of the water as much as I do, and if this is the Innocence, then we won’t
have to go back in again.”
Lavi’s argument met no resistance, and the two of them swam rapidly toward the
light.
Lavi had been correct; it was the Innocence. After a moment, the two of them
had it out of the pipeline that led to the water purification plant. The water
around the pipe began to clear, and the dark aura surrounded Lavi and Kanda as
they swam back to the boat. With only three minutes left in their oxygen tanks,
they surfaced and climbed onboard.
“Where the hell were you guys?” Amanda yelled worriedly, smacking them both the
second they had their gear off. Shivering in the late afternoon sun, they
grabbed the towels she threw at them thankfully. Darcy came up behind her,
grabbing her around the waist.
“That’s enough, Amanda. They got the Innocence, so that’s—”
“That’s what, Darcy? All that matters? They could’ve died! All for some fucking
Innocence!”
Feeling oddly emotional, Lavi stood up. “This is a war,” he told them firmly.
“Sometimes sacrifices have to be made. What if this Innocence is the Heart?
It’s definitely worth dying to obtain.”
“But what if it’s not?” Amanda screamed, tears filling her eyes. Lavi was taken
aback. Amanda was usually good-natured, and she was rarely this emotional.
“Amanda,” Darcy said, holding her tighter. “Calm down.”
She clammed up immediately. Hanging her head, she let out a frustrated growl.
Then, lifting her head again, she looked them in the eyes (or, in Lavi’s case,
eye). “Sorry guys,” she said in a sad approximation of her usual, cheerful
tone. “I’m a little emotional ‘cause I’m on my period.” Darcy blanched as
Lavi’s face burned with a blush. Looking a meter to his right, he saw Kanda’s
face light up as much as his own. He felt that strange thing at the bottom of
his stomach again, but he ignored it like he had his earlier emotions. Life was
easier to deal with when he didn’t feel.
They reached the shore, and Amanda surprised them all by throwing off her
shirt. Of course, being Amanda, she wasn’t wearing a thing under it. All three
men looked away. The Finder was still tending to business.
“Time to go topless beach swimming!” Amanda shouted, swinging her shirt above
her head like a lasso and then launching it at Darcy, who caught it absently.
He was too busy staring at the American girl to do much else. “Oi, Darcy! Don’t
stare!” Amanda scolded, coming up to the man and poking his bare chest (he was
wearing swimming trunks).
“Im…possible,” he muttered. Amanda’s face softened slightly before becoming
mischievous. Throwing herself at him abruptly, she wrapped her arms around him
and pressed herself closely to his chest. Darcy froze, and Lavi was forced to
stop the laugh bubbling up his throat. This entire situation was entirely too
hilarious for him to contain himself. Poor Darcy didn’t even know what to do
with himself.
Amanda pushed back and ran over to Lavi, breasts bouncing. Lavi wasn’t
interested in the least. He would have to add that to the list of things he was
going to introspect about later. She hugged him tightly as well, and Lavi
pulled her enthusiastically closer to him, jokingly pressing a kiss on her sun-
browned cheek. A squawk of indignation followed this action, and Lavi saw
Darcy’s face growing very, very red. He let go of Amanda hastily. He had
underestimated this man’s affections for the girl. She let him go and winked at
Darcy before turning to Yuu. Kanda looked horrified as she hugged him, too, and
he froze in place like a statue. Even after she had run into the beautiful,
sparkling waves of the ocean, he stood as still as ever, as if he would never
move again. His expression was one of utmost dread and horror. A pang hit
Lavi’s heart, but it was different this time. It made him want to… hit
something—or someone… like Amanda. He sighed. Yet another thing to introspect
about. He walked over to stand next to Kanda, fully prepared to act as the
other man’s shield until he came back to the land of the living, and he watched
on as Darcy followed Amanda’s example and threw himself into the waves.
---
June 16, 2013—A Train Station in London
It had been a long trip—shorter than the ones Lenalee was used too, but still
long. The two of them were waiting for a Finder to come pick them up in one of
the Order’s sports cars. Lolek had gone to get a drink from one of the
brightly-lit machines, but Lenalee had lost sight of him in the crowd. She
waited patiently for the older Exorcist, leaning against one of the walls and
watching the hustle and bustle as people ran about the main entrance. She was
shocked when a group of three men approached. They were all bearded and seedy-
looking, with ripped and hanging clothing that looked more suited for sleepwear
than for anything else. Lenalee tried to ignore them. She knew, if she
activated her Innocence, she would be more than capable of taking care of them,
but she didn’t want to draw any attention to herself if she could help it.
Still they approached, and Lenalee began to suspect that they were Akuma. No
one else would even think of approaching her. Especially since Komui had
basically abused his power in the Vatican to make her virtually untouchable.
Her heart skipped a beat as she realized what the year was again. No one here
knew about Komui, so she would probably be having problems with lascivious men
again. Parting her lips, she drew in a breath, ready to activate her Innocence
the second it was needed. Akuma or not, she’d take care of these men with her
Dark Boots. People should know that women Exorcists shouldn’t be touched, she
thought.
“Hey, you’re kinda pretty,” the man in the middle said. He was, if possible,
the sketchiest of the three, with the longest, curliest beard and a printed
shirt that made Lenalee want to blush. The man leaned up against the wall,
getting uncomfortably close. She could smell his sweat this close, and she
tried to keep her nose from pinching. “How ‘bout you come with us and have a
little fun, eh?” He leaned in a bit closer, and the other two men laughed as
Lenalee shrunk back.
But before she could think of an appropriate response, a hand slammed down in
front of the man’s face.
“Keep your filthy hands off my sister!” Lolek hissed menacingly, his arms
covered in the gauntlets of his Innocence. They glowed with the green light of
activation, and Lenalee knew he was seconds from killing—or at least
maiming—these men.
The men looked shocked for a moment before the one harassing Lenalee laughed.
“You don’t look like ‘er brother, mate,” he said. “Looks like you jus’ wanna
have some fun wit ‘er, too. Sorry, mate, but we saw ‘er first.”
That was all it took. Before Lenalee could even blink, Lolek had the man by his
throat against the wall. Lenalee became aware of just how silent the bustling
place had gotten. Glancing around from the corners of her eyes, she noticed
that many passersby had stopped to look at the fight about to break out.
“I dare you to say that again, Arschloch.” Lolek’s voice was quiet, but it was
deadly venomous in a way that rivaled Kanda on a bad day. The man struggled to
breathe as Lolek lifted him far from the ground. Lenalee, realizing just how
bad the situation could get, grabbed Lolek’s left bicep, squeezing it tightly
to get his attention. Lolek looked down at her.
“It’s okay, Brother. Let’s just go. They’re not worth your trouble,” she said,
staring deeply into his eyes, trying to make him understand. Reluctantly, Lolek
let the man drop unceremoniously to the floor. Activating her Innocence,
Lenalee stepped around Lolek and kicked the guy in the stomach.
“You’re lucky I stopped him,” she said, and grabbing Lolek’s arm, she quickly
led the man outside.
---
June 15, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
“Did you think I’d sit by idly as you whipped Allen’s body to shreds?” The
Fourteenth sing-songed at the black woman in front of him. He knew Allen well
enough to know that he would’ve waited until she had stopped attacking, would
have let her all but whip him to death, rather than fight back. But the
Fourteenth himself was not very fond of pain. He shared a body with the young
man, and he had no reason to allow it to be injured. Allen’s injuries were his,
after all.
The woman, eyes still wide and pupils still dilated in fear, began to shake.
Fourteen laughed again, turning it into a note with excessive vibrato. The
woman dropped her Innocence, as did the other two Generals and the three
pitiful apprentices behind them. He chuckled a little. It was so fun to mess
with Exorcists. They were always so serious! And he could never figure out why,
either. I mean, sure, there was that big war that traumatized them all, but
Fourteen didn’t really care. He was just in it for the… what was he in it for?
Ah, yes, Allen was in it, so Fourteen had to suffer through it as well. Still,
just the movements inside the Order were like a symphony, and he just loved
music. It was so entertaining.
And then, suddenly, the music stopped. An eerie sensation rolled through him,
and he noticed absently that he couldn’t move. Ah, it was Miranda. Fourteen
liked Miranda. There was no reason for it… oh, wait, maybe it was because Allen
liked Miranda. Sharing a body with the kid got very confusing, since he had
such a strong will and mind. It was almost overpowering, and he again cursed
his idiot younger brother for haphazardly throwing his precious memories into
such an annoying host. Really, Mana had been—a strong protest rang through his
mind, and he decided to cut off that thought, lest Allen regain control. Which
Fourteen did not want.
He turned back to the German Exorcist and smiled widely in amusement as she
grabbed everyone’s Innocence—save for Allen’s, of course—and dumped them
unceremoniously in a pile at the other side of the room.
“Time Record, resume the Generals!” She shouted. Fourteen cursed in his head,
as he could not move his mouth. Even more annoyingly, he could not make even a
vibration in his vocal chords. It made him sad. He needed them to vibrate with
the music of his voice. Miranda looked him right in the eye and said flatly,
“Allen, what did you promise Lenalee?” And Fourteen felt his presence once
again being overwhelmed by that stupid Bean Sprout brat with no manners… Ah,
how he loved those nicknames…
---
Allen forced his presence to the front of his mind, effectively enveloping the
Noah inside him. He felt horrified. As she was leaving him, Lenalee had made
him promise that he would keep his control without them around. Guilt rushed
through him. He hated breaking his promises, especially those he made to his
most important friend.
“Sorry, Miranda,” he tried to say, but his voice wouldn’t come out. Inside his
mind, he heard the Fourteenth croon a little song. She steeeaaals your tiiiime,
she taaaakes your voiiiice, buuuut we looove her aaaanywaaaaay! Allen smirked.
Realizing he could make facial expressions, he looked at Miranda. “I’m really
sorry.” This time, his voice worked.
“What do you mean, you’re sorry?” The African General shouted, and Allen looked
back at her. She was looking around for her Innocence, but she couldn’t seem to
find it.
“I was talking to Miranda, sorry,” Allen replied.
“Who?” General Kabbah asked. She looked around and jumped as she saw Miranda,
Innocence activated, only a little bit away. She let out a rather birdlike
squawk.
“Miranda. She reminded me that I promised Lenalee to make sure I didn’t lose
control. I guess I broke that promise, since the Fourteenth Noah came out to
protect my body. I’ll have to apologize to her properly when she returns. Now,
if all this is over with, may I explain a few things to you?”
No one responded, but the black woman blinked, speechless. Behind her, the
other Generals seemed just as shocked. One, the Asian one, had his mouth
hanging open in an expression of surprise.
“I am not a Noah. Rather, my father, Mana, was the younger brother of one. When
the Fourteenth died, Mana put his memories into me. Ever since the incident
where I controlled Noah’s Ark, the Musician has made his presence known. He now
sings or chants in the back of my head. It’s mostly easy to ignore him, but he
is very protective of the body we share. I normally have a very tight control
over him, so you needn’t worry about me. Besides, if you didn’t notice, my
Innocence is still activated, and I haven’t Fallen yet, have I?
“Did you really think that the Dark Order would allow a Noah in its midst? I
was supposed to be a General from the time of the Ark incident, but I was
almost sixteen by the time they finally began to trust me again. I demand to
have my General’s jacket back, or I will not fight in this war any longer. It
is something that I earned on my own, and I do not appreciate that being taken
away by some young hotshots who think they can fight Akuma.”
Everyone else in the room was silent. Even the Fourteenth had shut up in his
mind, although his chatter resumed a moment later. Then, the youngest General,
the Asian, walked up to Allen, passing by the middle-aged African.
“My name is Tuan Chu, and I would like to ask for your forgiveness,” he said,
offering his hand. Allen shook it, nodding in acceptance. The man turned to
Miranda and waited a moment before bowing his head slightly.
The Hungarian General walked up to Allen soon after and offered his hand, also
voicing his regrets. Allen nodded again and turned to the lead General. She
looked obstinate and angry, and Allen knew he would get nothing resembling an
apology from her. Instead, she looked him in the eye and said, “I will accept
you for now, Allen Walker, but if you make a wrong move, my whip will be around
your throat.”
“I am glad that will never happen, then,” Allen replied. Looking back at the
other two Generals, he smiled and said, “how about a game of cards?”
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: Bitte, in German, means "please." In this case, it means "please
     repeat that." If you can't figure out the curse Lolek said, Arschloch
     means "asshole." Sorry that Amanda's a whore again, but that's just
     her. I think we had something else to say, but I can't remember.
***** Alone I Break *****
Chapter_5—Alone_I_Break
June 18, 2013—French Countryside
Amanda had all but insisted that he and Lavi return to Headquarters with the
Innocence. Yuu was of the mind that she was just trying to be alone with Darcy
again, but he also recognized the need to get the Innocence back to the Dark
Order as soon as possible. Grudgingly, he and Lavi had departed the following
morning. During the train ride, Lavi had seemed rather off, keeping his mouth
shut. Normally, he would have reveled in the fact that the other man was
silent, but there was something very wrong about his eye that made Yuu nervous.
Yuu knew how hard Lavi worked to maintain his persona, and the fact that he was
not “Lavi” during the ride home bothered Yuu more than it should have. Not that
Yuu really cared at the moment. He had begun to have his dreams again. He was
already starting to feel weary with fatigue, and all his muscles ached from
forcing himself to stay still all night so Lavi wouldn’t notice anything. He
had pretty much stopped sleeping altogether at this point, not wanting to live
through those horrible things again. Once had been enough, but his mind forced
him to relive the events again and again. He didn’t even realize when his mind
gave in to the sleep he had so desperately been avoiding.
“Get outta my way, Yuu-chan,” the tall figure slurred out gruffly, trying to
push Yuu back. But Yuu wasn’t going to move. He knew what happened when he let
the man through that door.
“No,” he said insolently, his high-pitched child’s voice sounding loud in the
quiet of the night.
“You heard me, brat. Outta my fuckin’ way!” The man intoned thunderously. Even
from a meter below him, Yuu smelled the alcohol reeking down to tickle his
nostrils.
“No!” He said more clearly, crossing his arms on his chest.
“I’ll teach you to fucking cross me, boy!” The man’s right hand rose up, and
Yuu knew what would come next. This was the third time he’d been guarding the
door, and he had come to expect a strike or two before the tormentor would
leave. But this time, flesh didn’t meet flesh. Yuu found himself thrown
backward as something hard and cold crashed against his left cheek. Rank-
smelling liquid dribbled down his face, and he felt the sting of blood rushing
from a wound. He put a hand to his cheek, but something cut at his fingers as
he ran them down the length of his wound. He looked up fearfully at the man in
front of him and saw his right hand fisted over the neck of what had been his
bottle of sake.
He felt a sting on his left cheek and blinked blearily. He flinched back when
he saw the tall figure silhouetted against the light entering the room through
the window.
“Sorry, Yuu-chan,” the voice said. Yuu drew back further, hitting the corner
wall by the compartment door. A second later, he relaxed as he recognized the
voice. Baka! He shouted at himself. He’s dead, calm down. He masked his
remaining panic with a scowl.
“Why’d you wake me up, baka?” He asked accusingly. If he had fallen asleep, he
must have needed it. Not that he wasn’t secretly thankful the stupid rabbit had
woken him. He hated those dreams the most. He already felt more exhausted than
he had earlier and cursed the Infernal Girl for being so damned touchy.
“Well, you were looking really distressed and yelling out ‘no,’ so I figured
you probably weren’t having a good dream. Should I have left you asleep?” Lavi
asked, his cheerful persona firmly back in place, making Yuu wonder if the
pensive man who had been in front of him had been part of his dream, too.
“Che,” he said, turning his head away. He didn’t want to thank the idiot, but
he couldn’t just tell the other man to leave him alone in one of those dreams.
Lavi seemed to understand, though, and he moved back. Yuu stretched back out on
the padded seats, relieved.
---
June 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lavi collapsed on his bed, glad the day was over. He had barely been able to
hold on to his persona at all, and it had taken every bit of mental strength
Lavi had to make it through the day. He had thought a lot in the past couple
days, and the closer he saw Darcy and Amanda get, the more emotion he felt. He
didn’t understand it. Logically, he knew it was jealousy, but he didn’t
understand why he was jealous of them. After giving himself a colossal
headache, Lavi had changed the subject of his thoughts to Yuu. But those didn’t
make sense, either. He was obviously attracted to the other Exorcist. It was
obvious from how his heart always skipped a beat when the other man was near.
What he was confused about was the strange feelings he was getting over top of
the physical attraction. He couldn’t understand why his stomach dropped
whenever he jokingly touched Kanda or why when he hugged the other man; he
wished he’d be hugged back. Even worse was the feeling of wanting to kiss the
man whenever he was near. In the compartment on the train back from France,
Kanda had fallen into a light sleep, and at first, he had looked so adorable
that Lavi had actually had to leave the compartment to keep himself from doing
something stupid. He didn’t understand why these feelings were bubbling up like
he hadn’t thrown them away. He had never, in his twenty-one years of life, felt
as much as he did now, and it was distressing in a completely unfamiliar way.
When he had too many emotions, he couldn’t pay attention, and his lack of
awareness scared him more than these feelings. And the worst part was that he
was actually feeling fear. He decided he hated it—that panicking, flighty
feeling in his chest and the increased rate of sweat along with how his mind
wouldn’t function properly made him feel helpless. In short, he had no idea
what he was feeling or why he was feeling it, nor what had caused him to feel
in the first place. And all of that caused him to feel more fear.
He flipped onto his stomach, groaning. He couldn’t stop thinking. All he wanted
to do was shut out his turbulent thoughts and go to sleep, hoping for a blessed
relief in his dreams. But, of course, he couldn’t sleep, and he couldn’t even
leave his room. “Lavi” was the last thing on his mind. He had no idea what
persona he was in now, or if he was his regular self—whoever that was—and it
would confuse everyone if he went out acting like a thoughtful zombie. He was
supposed to be “fun and frivolous.” The war would have realistically added some
seriousness to his persona, and he had, of course, compensated for that, but
going out as he was now was out of the question. He supposed he could go over
to Yuu’s room, but that was also out, as he had no idea how he would handle
being around the other man when he was so confused. Lenalee would have
listened, but she had no idea about his personas. For the millionth time that
day, Lavi wished for Bookman. He would’ve known exactly what to say to Lavi, to
help him get through this. But the man, as he often reminded himself, was dead.
He could not help Lavi ever again. Lavi felt strange. Again with the damn
feelings! He growled in his head. Something felt weird. He put a hand to his
left cheek and realized he was crying. The last time he had cried was… he
couldn’t remember. There had been only two times when he’d come close to really
crying, and that had been when they’d thought Allen was dead and when Lenalee’s
Innocence had broken on the ship to Edo. Why am I crying? He asked himself. He
didn’t know if he was expecting an answer or not, but it didn’t matter, because
he didn’t get one.
---
Lavi was forced to leave his room by his growling stomach. It had been three
days since their return, and he hadn’t been able to pull himself together
enough to leave the room. Lenalee had stopped by the morning after their
return, asking after him, but he had thrown on his unstable Lavi persona long
enough to get her to go away. She’d returned a few times since, but he was
always able to get her to leave. He wasn’t sure if she would barge in, so after
her third visit, he’d locked his door. The next time she’d visited, she had
tried the knob, but she didn’t comment on it.
He walked the familiar halls to the dining hall in a daze. He didn’t meet many
people in the halls on his way down, but that was a very bad omen. It meant
that there were probably a lot of people at lunch. Sure enough, as he walked
into the large room, he saw nearly half the Science Department, at least fifty
Finders, and several Exorcists, some of whom he hadn’t seen before. Ignoring
everyone else, no longer caring that he was acting grossly out of character, he
went up to the window and ordered himself a simple soup and a slice of bread.
He wasn’t sure how much he could keep down, especially since he hadn’t eaten in
a while. He grabbed his tray as soon as it was loaded and went to sit in a
secluded corner, ignoring Amanda’s calls and waves. He just couldn’t deal with
her—or anyone—right now.
Lavi ate slowly, not finishing his soup until long after it had gone cold. He
looked around out of habit as he dumped his tray on the dish line. Everyone was
gone, save for a few stragglers or snacking workers. He was glad of it. He was
too weak, mentally, to even hold a conversation with another person. No doubt
Bookman would have his head for this—
Growling, Lavi struggled to keep back tears. Again. Why the hell did he need to
cry, anyway? He tried, somewhat successfully this time, to push his emotions
away. It took a long time, and he was passing a random room when he realized
something. That was the room he had kissed Yuu in all those years ago (though
it still felt like weeks to him). Shaking his head at his stupid thought, he
made to move on when he heard something interesting.
Kissing noises.
Curiosity piqued on something besides his turbulent emotions for the first time
in days, Lavi looked into the room through the halfway open door. His eye
widened a little as he saw Amanda and Darcy in a very compromising position.
Darcy had Amanda pinned against the stone wall and had a hand sliding up her
shirt. Lavi watched, transfixed, as Darcy moved his lips to Amanda’s neck. She
moaned softly, her breathing increasing in quick hitches as Darcy nibbled her
neck tenderly. Sighing, she pulled his face to hers, and their lips met again.
Amanda moaned again as Darcy’s hand reached its goal. She reached her hand up
to touch the man’s face and whispered breathily, “I love you, Mr. Darcy.” There
was no trace of the fake accent she usually used when referring to him as Jane
Austen’s character.
Lavi’s heart skipped a beat. No one had ever said that to him, not Bookman, or
the parents he couldn’t remember, or anyone else. He fell forward in his
distraction, crashing to the ground rather loudly.
Amanda gasped at the noise, and Darcy pulled back with alarming speed. The girl
fixed her clothes hurriedly, staring, horrified, at Lavi the entire time.
“S-sorry, guys!” He said, desperately seeking “Lavi.” “I didn’t mean to be a
voyeur!”
Darcy snorted but was otherwise petrified in place.
“Are you alright, Lavi?” Amanda asked worriedly, her voice still a little thin
from her… previous activities.
Lavi wondered what his face looked like. Amanda could be dense, so whatever
emotion was on his face must have been very blatant. “Yeah—yeah, I’m fine.
Sorry guys!” He said as he picked himself up and rushed from the room.
He made it all of three steps when someone grabbed his forearm and swung him
into the wall.
---
Yuu had been feeling very anxious for the past few days. Not only had his
dreams been getting steadily worse, but Lenalee had asked him to keep an eye on
Lavi because she was worried. The only problem was that the other Exorcist had
been conspicuously absent since their return. He hadn’t even come for meals,
and that worried Yuu. Lavi, no matter which persona, never skipped meals. Yuu
wondered if perhaps the man had a terminal illness. It would certainly explain
his strange behavior of late. Yuu found himself hoping that wasn’t the case and
stopped himself short. No, that was ridiculous. Of course he didn’t mind if
Lavi died. He’d only regret the fact that he’d lost a comrade on the
battlefield. Personally, though, he would most likely be very happy to have the
annoying nuisance out of the way. He was only confused because the man had been
acting so strangely lately.
He continued on his way to Lavi’s room, intending to use Mugen to cut through
the lock. If Lavi was going to be an idiot, he would have to be an idiot who
didn’t make people worry. Sighing in annoyance, he activated his Innocence.
There was a clicking noise, and the knob turned. Realizing Lavi was finally
going to emerge; Yuu stepped back and deactivated Mugen. He ran a few paces
down the hall, hoping Lavi wouldn’t notice him loitering there. But then, he
could just act as if he was going to his room, which, by some cosmic accident,
Lavi had ended up next to.
He watched as the racial mutt of an Exorcist walked—no, stumbled—from his room.
Yuu gaped. It wasn’t Lavi he was looking at. The redhead in front of him
wobbled unsteadily down the hall, swaying with each step. He looked as if he
were in a daze, and if Yuu looked at him from the front, he wouldn’t have been
surprised if the other man’s eye was as vacant as the walk suggested. He
followed slowly, careful to keep his steps quiet. He didn’t trust Lavi to be
less observant than usual, even if he seemed distracted. For all Yuu knew,
Lavi’s distraction could just be another act, used to make others open up
around him more. Yuu would have believed that, but the way the man almost ran
into others as he rocked down the hallways made him reconsider. Indeed, the man
absently ordered a thin soup and some bread before unsteadily carrying his tray
to the farthest, darkest corner of the dining hall. He faced the wall as he ate
painstakingly slowly. It took him nearly two hours to finish. Yuu would have
been seething by that point, but as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he was
really worried for the other man. He wondered what had happened to make him act
so… out of it. It must have been something drastic, because from all his
experience, the other man was very strong, both physically and mentally.
As the redhead staggered out of the room and down the hall, Yuu walked quietly
behind him again. Halfway down the corridor, the man paused, swaying epically,
and turned to a door. Yuu wondered why he stopped at the empty room with the
half-open door. But Lavi seemed very interested, staring blatantly inside. Yuu
wanted to know what was in the room, if there was anything, but he refused to
make his presence known to Lavi. Desperately hoping something was in there, Yuu
watched Lavi stare for several minutes. Then, he keeled forward, knocking the
door open as he fell. Yuu’s heart lurched, and he ran forward. He stopped when
Lavi spoke. At first, it didn’t sound quite like Lavi, but the more he spoke,
the more it sounded like him, and that made Yuu feel relieved.
“S-sorry, guys!” Lavi said quickly. He paused, and after a moment, he added. “I
didn’t mean to be a voyeur!” By the end of that sentence, Lavi’s voice was
almost back to normal. Yuu was glad.
He heard a snort, and Yuu realized for the first time that there had, indeed,
been something—or rather someone—in that room. His heart felt light with
relief.
“Are you alright, Lavi?” Came the Infernal Girl’s voice. Yuu gritted his teeth.
He didn’t want to deal with that particular idiot right now, not when he was
already dealing with one.
“Yeah—Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry guys!” Lavi half-shouted. He sounded almost…
panicked. Yuu got a glimpse of Lavi’s face as he fled the room. It was the
strangest thing Yuu had ever seen. His green eye was wide with shock, and it
held a confusion so deep that Yuu felt dizzy just glimpsing it. He seemed
extremely pale, and his face was the most bizarre combination of panic and
fear. Abruptly, Yuu felt his legs move underneath him in long, powerful
strides. He reached Lavi when he was only two or so meters from the room and
grabbed his forearm. Using the man’s arm as a pivot point, Yuu swung the other
man into the wall. He felt bad at the unintentional grunt Lavi made as he
impacted the hard stone, but he quickly got over it.
“You’re not fucking fine,” he hissed. Lavi’s eye went, if possible, wider, and
he looked more panicked than ever, like a wild animal caught in a hunter’s
trap. He struggled to get away, but Yuu refused to let him go, keeping his
hands as tight as vices around the other man’s upper arms.
“Oooh!” A voice with an awful, nasal American accent said softly. “You two were
gonna use that room. Sorry, guys!” He glanced at her from the corner of his
eyes. She sounded remorseful, but Yuu was sure from the state of her rumpled
clothes and disheveled hair that she wasn’t. Darcy stepped out from the room,
sporting a full-facial blush at being caught with the idiot American. Yuu
looked back at Lavi, and nearly choked on his breath at the sight before him.
Lavi was limp under his grip, his head resting listlessly against the wall. His
eye was darker than usual and as blank as a brand-new slate. Yuu recoiled
immediately, and Lavi slumped to the ground. He blinked as he hit the floor and
then, with surprising energy, ran off in the direction of his quarters. Yuu
turned to the two rumpled Exorcists and glared, shooting mind-bullets at them.
“You don’t know what the fuck you just did,” he said. Turning on his heel, Yuu
ran after the stupid redhead, hoping he’d be able to catch him up.
---
Lavi locked the door behind him again and collapsed against it. His knees gave
out, and he slid until he hit the floor painfully. Why had that shaken him so
much? He’d seen people in love before, and he’d never been so affected. One of
his aliases had even been a love-struck young man, so he was intimately aware
of the presence of love. But he’d never felt it, and no one had felt it for
him. Not in the way Amanda felt for Darcy. No one had ever truly cared for him,
and for some reason, that cut at him like no knife could.
A while later—he didn’t know how long—a sharp knock came on the door.
“Go away,” Lavi said, trying to sound annoyed. It came out as a little sob. His
cheeks felt wet, and he realized he was crying again. A worried voice drifted
through the thick wood door.
“Lavi, we have to meet Smith—we’re having a meeting.” It was Lenalee. Lavi
tried to ignore it. He didn’t want to deal with anyone until he had sorted out
what the hell was going on in his head.
“Just go without me,” he choked out through his tears.
“Lavi, are – are you okay?”
“Fine,” he grunted out. He wiped his face in his new green shirt and stood up.
He unlocked the door and faced Lenalee. To his surprise, Allen and Kanda were
standing by the rail, clearly waiting for him. No one commented on his
appearance, and they let him walk slightly behind them.
He wasn’t sure if he could get through the meeting, but for the sake of
appearances, he would try. Grabbing “Lavi’s” presence in his mind, he tried
again to put his mask back on. This time, the persona simply wouldn’t come. He
clenched his fists hard enough to draw blood, but he didn’t care. Pain made him
conscious of the fact that he was still there, in the corridor, and not stuck
in the confines of his confused mind.
They reached Smith’s office without him noticing, something that distressed his
Bookman mind but which Lavi didn’t particularly care about. For some reason, he
was feeling emotions, and they wouldn’t go away. He was so confused by them,
never having actually felt them before. He reached out for the unfeeling
numbness he had learned to cherish, but he couldn’t find it, and every time he
thought he had caught it, it danced mockingly out of his grasp.
“I believe that I’ve forgotten to tell you the current circumstances,” he heard
Smith say from far away. His voice was fuzzy, as if he was underwater.
Lavi was drowning, drowning in emotions so foreign that his unfeeling mind
could not comprehend them. It made him feel sick and desperate for a breath of
clarity. There was that strange jealousy of Amanda and Darcy’s relationship,
his bizarre attraction to Yuu, that other feeling that accompanied his
attraction, an unfamiliar relaxed sensation he felt around Lenalee and Allen,
and the painful ache that came to his chest when he thought of Bookman.
“Yes. Obviously, from Kanda’s report of his mission, Road is still alive—” Oh
yeah, Allen was there. His voice was fuzzy, too. Lavi felt something sweep over
him, that relaxing thing that Allen’s presence caused. He was drowning in that
now, and as long as Allen talked, he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t hear, couldn’t
function.
He heard a different voice respond. And then Allen’s voice was back. Lavi
forced himself to concentrate.
“Yes, the Earl has been spotted numerous times across the globe.” Had he missed
Allen again? But what was that about the Earl? Hadn’t Allen killed the bastard?
The world outside was making as little sense as his inner world, and he
couldn’t fight free of either.
“So, we simply need to kill the Earl. Don’t fail again, Moyashi.” Sweet, crisp
clarity spread through Lavi’s world, and the office began to make sense again.
There was Smith, sitting pompously at his desk. Allen—heavily bandaged, but
looking for all the world like a General--stood, back ramrod straight, next to
Lenalee, who stood with the same posture. Kanda was next to him, shoulder
nearly touching his. Miranda was not in his immediate view, but he heard a very
feminine exhale to his right and realized she must be on his blind side.
“I didn’t fail!” Allen shouted back, but the lucidity of Lavi’s world was lost
as Kanda’s voice ceased.
“But Road and the Earl aren’t our only immediate threats.” There was that deep,
pompous voice. Lavi felt… was that anger? Why?
“Che.” Relief spread through him. “There’s more?” He blinked in awareness, and
this time he clung desperately to the anchor that Kanda’s voice had become. He
felt something warm on his hand and realized he was grasping Kanda’s. The man’s
eyes widened in shock, and he glared over at Lavi. He shook his hand free,
scoffing. Lavi wondered vaguely why he hadn’t yelled or ran him through with
Mugen, but he couldn’t find an answer, as his lifeline had snapped and he was
once more carried into the turbulent waters of his psyche.
“Yes. We’ve discerned the presence of two other Noahs. There’s an American—”
Lavi floundered for a moment as he heard Kanda scoff again “—named Chaz
Gaffigan. He’s Noah’s Strength. The other one is Noah’s Health, or the Healer.
We believe her to be a simply defensive Noah, as she’s never attacked before.
No personal information about her is known, except that she appeared around the
time the Earl was defeated in the late 1800s. There is a possibility of another
Noah, but that is, as yet, unconfirmed.”
Conversation followed. It was long, and Lavi could only stare blankly at the
Director’s desk. The words all went over his head, like it was he who was
underwater. If only he could break the surface, he could understand what they
were saying. But the longer he was in the office, the deeper he seemed to sink,
until he could hear nothing at all, save for the soft silence one hears at the
bottom of the ocean.
The words stopped, and he was moving. He barely registered others moving with
him, and he didn’t want that. He stopped walking, and they kept moving forward.
Ducking into another hallway, he walked without purpose until he reached his
room. He tested the knob. It was unlocked, which was not altogether strange in
the Order. People weren’t kleptomaniacs here like they were everywhere else.
Personal items stayed where they were placed, and no one simply barged into
another’s room, especially that of an Exorcist. He turned the knob and walked
in, the door creaking as it moved. He wondered why. His door had been oiled
recently, so it shouldn’t be squeaking, and yet it was. The sound acted as a
line, pulling him up out of his daze like a fish on a hook.
This wasn’t his room. At least, it wasn’t his room anymore. It was the room he
and Bookman had resided in. All the bookcases and all the furniture was covered
in a fine layer of dust. His desk stood perpendicular to the head of his bed,
just as it had so many years before. His bed was still covered in the blue
sheets he had used, though they were now faded with time. A thin layer of dust
covered them, too. Only the bedspread showed that this room had once been
inhabited. Not even Lavi’s personal books had been left, and he sincerely hoped
they’d been put in the library. He wanted them back. His heart clenched
suddenly. It was as if Bookman had never existed, and somewhere along the line,
Lavi’s presence had become as tangible as a regular person’s—as if Bookman had
left him behind.
He scoured the room for any presence of the man, but even the slight, peppery
smell of the man’s soap had disappeared. Lavi’s chest felt heavy, so he let
himself drop.
I… cared, he thought. I didn’t realize it, but I cared. That man was like a
father to me, and I didn’t even notice.
That had to be the explanation, because he missed the man. He, Lavi, missed
Bookman. And he was resentful for the fact that the man was dead, that he would
never see him again, never tease or mock him, never be under his guidance,
never learn from him…
Fresh, salty tears poured down his cheeks, and Lavi cursed himself for being so
damned emotional. He decided he’d lie on his bed. At least it was comfortable.
Flopping down face-first, something crumpled under his head. He stopped crying
for a moment and pulled himself up. Underneath him, on his pillow, was a very
yellowed piece of paper with faded ink. It was folded in half, and Lavi knew,
even without his name written on the front, that it was for him. It was on his
bed, after all, and it was in Bookman’s handwriting. Carefully, he unfolded the
note, holding it gingerly as he read.
Lavi—
As you are currently encased in your Innocence and seem to have no reason to
wake, I have decided to move on. The Earl is vanquished for now, and, as
always, there is another war. I have decided to take on a new apprentice, and
in so doing, I release you from your duties as heir to Bookman. He is a former
Finder, only twenty years of age, and seems dedicated to the cause. If you
awaken and I am no longer of this world, know this: you were a good apprentice.
The letter was not signed. It did not need to be. Lavi folded it carefully over
and laid it back on his pillow. He couldn’t stay in this room; it was
suffocating. But he couldn’t seem to make his body move. His movements were
sluggish, and it took him long moments to stumble through the still open door.
He needed somewhere to be alone, somewhere that was his. Before he knew where
he was going, he was headed in the direction of his new room. He took all of
two steps before his legs began to feel weak. He was nothing. He had nothing.
There was no purpose. But no—he had a purpose. He needed to get to his room. He
rocked forward, and one foot tread slowly in front of the other, and then the
other followed it. His side hit the wall, and he was grateful for the support
it gave him. He was glad for the Exorcist jacket he was wearing—it didn’t rip
easily. He continued on his way, one agonizing step after another, hoping no
one would see him.
He passed something white and hoped it wasn’t Allen. He kept moving
lethargically, side scraping against the wall. He stumbled and fell, but he
still had a purpose. He didn’t remember what it was, but it was important. He
walked on.
He passed something red. It stopped moving, but he didn’t. He needed something,
and it was in this direction. All he had to do was reach it…
There was his door. That’s what he needed, that was his purpose. He opened it,
and the noise his mind was making fell away. It was just him. Him. Who was he?
He stared at his hands, and they looked particularly pale against the burnt
orange rug underneath his feet. He was orange. Orange and pale. And green. But
only a little bit of green. There had been more green once, but it was gone
now. Why?
Oh, he had been with Bookman. Bookman, his mentor, his caretaker, his… but who
was he? He didn’t know. He had no purpose, no reason, no self. There was
nothing to him. He didn’t even have a name, a set identity. His knees felt
weak, so he let himself fall. He hit his fists on the carpeted ground, but he
felt nothing. He crawled forward to the gray stone. He sat on the edge of his
shag rug, and he pounded his fists again. Pain. There was pain. That was
something he was could feel, something he was allowed to feel. It was a
personal thing. And right now, his heart hurt. And his head—that hurt, too. But
it was not a pain that could go away. It just pulsed on steadily, not caring
that it hurt him. He wanted pain that was different from that ache. He
desperately needed something that would hurt sharply, like being run through
with a sword. Or being crushed with a hammer. Yes, that sounded better. Maybe
his hands could be the hammer—or rather two hammers—and they could make the
ground hurt, too. He would feel better, maybe, if something else hurt, too. He
smashed his fists to the ground, and it hurt him. But it was a welcome pain,
made him feel like he was really there, that he was alive, that he existed.
And slowly, shaking and pounding his fists on the floor, alone and safe in the
confines of his room, Lavi broke.
***** Drifting *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_6—Drifting
June 21, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Somehow, they had lost Lavi. Yuu had allowed him to walk behind them, and now
he was regretting the decision. He had followed them to the meeting, but that
was where he had begun to act far stranger than he had been earlier. His eye
was as vacant as it had been earlier in the day, if not worse. It was lifeless
and flat, and Yuu was starting to wonder what was going on in the annoying
Exorcist’s head. He had seemed to come around a bit every once in a while, his
eye sparking with life for just a moment before his features went slack again.
Once, he had grabbed Yuu’s hand in both of his. Yuu had not been able to do
more than shake the other man off. He was afraid that anything he said would
break the other man. But after he’d removed his hand with a light “tch,” the
man had gone, if possible, even limper. It was as if he was a zombie, unfeeling
and unliving.
Yuu had been stupid to think the redhead would keep following them. He had
known for a long time that “Lavi” was not real, and he had always wondered what
would happen if “Lavi” disappeared. He should have known that Lavi would have
wanted solitude. In many ways, Lavi was similar to him. He never liked to show
weakness, and the presence of others was too distracting, especially when
trying to keep oneself together. Yuu knew that feeling intimately. The
intoxicating idea of just letting others comfort you was almost too hard to
ignore, but then people would ask what was wrong. And that would be bad.
What struck him the most was Lavi’s face as they had left the Director’s
office. He knew that face too. He knew it so well that he couldn’t help but
remember when he had made that face.
Yuu’s uneven, short hair stuck out at odd angles, and Yuu found himself
loathing it as much as did that man. He had been sitting in the living room,
reading, when he felt a sharp tug at the back of his head. The smell of alcohol
assaulted him. It was too early for the man to be home, but defying all logic,
there he was. Yuu fought the urge to run—he needed to protect her.
“You look like a girl,” the man thundered. Yuu looked around and gasped in
horror as the man pulled out a sharp kitchen knife from behind his back.
“That’s a problem. Men shouldn’t be girly like you.”
He pulled hard on Yuu’s hair, ripping it out at the scalp. Yuu whimpered. He
knew how bad it was to scream.
“Don’t snivel like a girl, Yuu-chan,” the man growled. He brought the knife up
to Yuu’s scalp and began to cut, not caring if he nicked Yuu’s skin or not. Yuu
nearly vomited as he saw a lump of skin and hair fall to the ground at his
feet. Blood began to drip into his eyes, and behind him the man kept hacking
away at his head. Suddenly, the man stopped and kicked Yuu to the floor. Yuu
knew what was following and braced himself….
Looking at his foul hair in mirror, Yuu tried to ignore his lifeless eyes and
slack face. He did not smile. He hadn’t smiled in a long time. The bathroom
door opened behind him. She walked in, carrying a pair of scissors. Yuu tried
to hide his flinch.Shewould not hurt him.
“Here, Yuu, let me fix your hair,” she said, and he did. He didn’t even
complain when she used a cloth covered in alcohol to sterilize his blood-
crusted scalp.
Blood. That’s what Yuu smelled. Without realizing it, he had walked to his
room. He had his hand on the knob, but the smell of blood was distracting him.
He wasn’t injured, and when he scanned the rest of the corridor, it was empty.
Then, a screeching, keening sob cut through the nearby air. Yuu’s head snapped
in the direction of the sound so fast his neck cracked. Cursing and rubbing the
spot, he listened for where the sound was coming from. There was a pounding
noise, soft and rhythmic, and it was coming from the room next to his.
Yuu’s heart froze. Lavi’s room. The door was still open, and he rushed to it,
not caring about appearances. It didn’t matter that he was acting like he
cared, nor did it matter that he actually did. He ran to the door and pushed it
opened. The smell of blood mounted, but he ignored it like he did the stench of
burning Akuma.
Yuu stopped short, rooted to the ground like a thousand-year-old tree. Lavi was
there, his red hair plastered to his head with sweat. He was hunched and on his
knees at the far end of his distasteful rug. His hands were coated in blood,
and there were flecks of the viscous red fluid on his bed and around him. Yuu
walked further into the room and saw two large, red pools on the stone floor in
front of Lavi’s hands. And Lavi himself was a sight Yuu wanted to forget. His
entire body was shaking with the force of his sobs. They were great, screeching
cries that echoed loudly off the walls of the small room. Lavi pulled his
misshapen right hand up to pummel it once more on the hard ground, and Yuu
found himself moving so fast that it felt like he was floating. He dropped down
behind Lavi and caught his right arm before his broken, blood-covered hand
struck the ground again. Wrapping his other arm around Lavi’s left arm and
chest, he pulled the shattered man backward into him.
The change was instantaneous. It was as if Lavi had still had some sense of
composure while on the ground, and it was now gone. The man simply collapsed in
Yuu’s arms, sobbing loudly, draining out a lifetime of grief and pain. He
fisted his ruined hands in the rough, thick fabric of Yuu’s Exorcist jacket.
Not knowing what to do, Yuu pulled him as close as possible and rocked back and
forth.
The sun had long since set when Lavi finally lapsed into sleep. It wasn’t
restful, though, from what Yuu could see. The other man was still quivering in
his arms, and any time Yuu shifted, he would cry out. Yuu’s legs were all pins
and needles beneath him, but he couldn’t bring himself to care whenever that
pitying noise slipped out from the other man’s throat.
He heard a sound from the doorway and turned to look, eliciting another whimper
from Lavi. He pulled the man tighter to his chest and let his eyes adjust to
the light that entered the room from the doorway. After a moment, he recognized
the figure as Lenalee. Yuu was secretly glad. He didn’t know how he would have
dealt with anyone else seeing this. He didn’t want people seeing him—or
especially Lavi—like this.
“I – I couldn’t sleep, and I came to see if Lavi was okay,” Lenalee said
quietly. Lavi stirred at the sound of his name but then settled further into
Yuu’s arms.
“Close the door and come back in the morning,” Yuu said, keeping his voice
even. It wasn’t hard to sound like his usual self—he had practiced staying
emotionless for years. Lenalee seemed to understand that Yuu wasn’t trying to
be rude and nodded before doing as she was asked. He heard her footsteps as she
walked away. He also heard her come back a few hours later. She didn’t knock on
the door, and Yuu had the feeling that she was sitting vigil outside, making
sure no one disturbed them. For some reason, he was glad.
Lavi finally fell into a deep sleep sometime near dawn, and Yuu was glad to
finally be able to move. His legs had long since gone numb. He lifted Lavi onto
the bed without standing; he didn’t want to fall over with the man in his arms.
As he moved to get up, he came to the shocking conclusion that he couldn’t, and
he waited for long minutes as his blood made its way back down to his legs. It
was uncomfortable, but he could put up with far worse than that—he knew that
from experience. Fighting away the memory, he pulled up Lavi’s desk chair and
sat in it. He didn’t sleep, just held Lavi’s hand (that was not his choice.
Whenever he tried to pull away, the redhead would do that deplorable whimpering
thing) until the sun was high in the sky.
Yuu was grateful when Lenalee returned. She knocked once before coming in. She
stood in the doorway, looking at Lavi. Her eyes were wide as she saw the blood
stains on the ground, and she gasped when she took in his horrifyingly
disfigured hands. Yuu waited for her to say something, but it seemed that her
voice was caught in her throat.
“Lenalee,” he whispered, his voice hoarse from exhaustion, “get a doctor.” He
paused for a second, then added, “and food.” She nodded and left, closing the
door behind her.
Lavi still slept when she returned with one of the Order’s doctors. The man
gasped when he saw Lavi’s hands.
“We need to bring him to hospital immediately,” the British doctor said
urgently. Yuu activated his Innocence and pointed it at the man’s throat.
“He doesn’t leave this room, wakatta?” Yuu hissed menacingly. The doctor
stepped back.
“Please understand, he could lose the ability to move his hands if we don’t fix
the problem now.”
Hot fear flowed like lava down to his stomach, where it pooled uncomfortably.
Lavi would never forgive him if he didn’t listen. He deactivated his Innocence,
and the blade disappeared from his hand. He then moved to pick up Lavi, but the
doctor put a hand on his shoulder.
“He shouldn’t be jostled. I’ll call for a gurney.” He pulled out what Yuu had
learned to be a phone, and he dialed a number. Within moments, he was speaking
rapid English that contained too many words that Yuu didn’t know to feel
comfortable. Lenalee walked up next to him and put a comforting hand on his
arm. He allowed the contact and stood perfectly still as another two doctors
walked in with the gurney. They moved Lavi carefully. Yuu watched as they
pushed the gurney out, and then, remembering himself, ran after it. He wouldn’t
leave Lavi while he was in such a state. From the sound of the boots running
behind him, Lenalee wasn’t leaving Lavi, either. She really was too caring to
be an Exorcist.
He stayed at Lavi’s side as he was x-rayed, and he never left it.
---
He was drifting. There was nothing around him, but he drifted around in it
anyway. The nothingness felt good, especially since lately, there had been a
strange throbbing from somewhere. He didn’t know how long he had been drifting,
but it felt good, so he kept doing it. In the distance, he heard someone say
something, but he didn’t pay attention; it wasn’t important. All he needed to
do was just keep drifting like this, drifting forever. He had no reason to
stop.
---
June 28, 2013—The Dark Order, Hospital Wing
Sitting stiffly in the uncomfortable wooden chair, Yuu watched Lavi breathe
deeply in and out. He clenched his fists in anger at the worry he was feeling.
He tried to beat it down, but it wouldn’t go away. He heard a sharp knock at
the door. Smith barged in without waiting for an answer.
“Why didn’t you come to my office when you were called?” the Director asked
loudly. Yuu glared at him. He knew, logically, that Lavi was still under
anesthetics and wouldn’t wake, but it still felt wrong to yell in a sickroom.
“I was busy,” he responded flatly, returning his gaze to the sleeping redhead.
“Doing what?”
“Watching,” he retorted, not bothering to look at the preposterous man again.
“Well, I have a mission for you,” the man blustered.
“Well, I won’t be going.”
“Yes, you will,” the man ground out in a voice Yuu was sure was meant to make
the recipient quail and bow down to the man’s commands. Normally, he would have
accepted the mission immediately, but something about the thought of leaving
Lavi disturbed him greatly.
“No,” he said in a tone that left no room for negotiation. “I won’t.”
“You’re an Exorcist under my command; you’re going to go,” Smith commanded.
“No. I won’t.” This time, there was no response, and the man’s face turned
almost purple with rage before he turned and stormed from the hospital room.
The redhead stirred lightly and sighed, and the movement brought the man’s
heavily bandaged hands to Yuu’s mind. The doctors had managed to reconstruct
them, for the most part. However, it seemed that Lavi would probably never
recover completely from the injuries. He had shattered both of his hands almost
beyond repair, and the doctors were forced to replace the bone with metal. Yuu
wondered what he would do about fighting. An Exorcist who could not grasp his
Innocence was as useless as a Finder in the middle of a battle, and everyone
knew the mortality rate of Finders. Yuu shuddered without meaning to and hoped
Lavi would take to the physical therapy eagerly.
There was a light tap on the door, and Yuu grunted. A moment later, the door
opened, and the British doctor entered, carrying a clipboard.
“It’s been a week since the surgery, and you expressed interest in wanting to
return him to his room?” The doctor asked, pushing his glasses up the bridge of
his nose. Yuu nodded, waiting patiently for the answer. When the doctor
realized Yuu wasn’t going to give a verbal response, he added, “I think it will
be fine as long as a doctor comes down to check on him a few times a day. It’s
not like he’s going very far, and we need the bed—there was a Noah attack, and
many of our Finders are in a bad way.”
Yuu nodded and continued to watch Lavi as the doctor went on about Noah’s
Strength.
---
July 1, 2013—The Dark Order, Lavi’s Room
Yuu heard the whispers outside the room.
“Suicide attempt?” One girl clad in an Exorcist jacket asked.
“Most likely,” another person responded. “I mean, his hands were covered in
blood, weren’t they?”
“Yeah. I saw that girly guy with him, the one Amanda calls Yuu-pyon—” Yuu
almost left the room to kill the girl. Almost. But he didn’t want Lavi to make
that horrible noise again, as he had every time Yuu left to do the necessities.
Even though he had Lenalee stay with Lavi at those times, the redhead Exorcist
did not stop his keening whine until Yuu had returned. He had been asleep for
three weeks and two days. The doctors had said his mind was fine, but that
whatever trauma he had suffered was keeping him from waking. Unconsciousness
was a way for the body to cope with immense distress, and Lavi would wake when
he was ready to face the real world again. Still, that had not stopped Yuu from
being incredibly worried. He usually tried not to care, but for some reason,
all his efforts in that area were lost when it came to Lavi. He couldn’t leave
the man, not when he was so horribly broken. Yuu knew that he wouldn’t have
survived everything if he hadn’t had her with him, to comfort him and heal him.
He was infuriated with himself as he was drawn into another disturbing memory.
They had been happening so frequently lately, after years of almost nothing,
and that bothered him.
Yuu had fallen asleep outside her door again. He was jarred into consciousness
by a sharp kick to the head. Looking up groggily, Yuu felt his heart falter at
the sight of the large man above him. The man’s foot was raised as if to
deliver another kick, but instead, it dropped swiftly onto Yuu’s outstretched
arm, snapping it like a twig. This time, he screamed out.
“Iie!” He cried, his voice ripping from his throat.
“Don’t scream like a fucking girl!” the man shouted, grinding his foot down on
the broken bone. Yuu saw stars, and he moaned and screamed again.
“Otou-san, yamero!” He shouted, but of course, the man didn’t stop. Later, when
a doctor came to visit,sheheld his hand silently as they pulled the bone back
into place. His father had told the doctor that he had fallen from a tree. Thus
began Yuu’s reputation as Kanda Yasuo’s clumsy son.
Yuu woke to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. A comforting warmth
was next to him, and he exhaled peacefully as he pulled the warmth closer.
He froze. Whatever was next to him was stirring gently, making short, light
groaning noises as it did so. He cracked an eye open and then threw himself
back as quickly as possible. He fell off the bed, hitting the orange shag rug
hard.
“Gyaaa!” He shouted. When had he ended up next to Lavi? When had he ended up in
bed, under the covers, shirtless,with Lavi? He had fallen asleep in the chair!
Lavi groaned and opened his eye. He looked around until he saw Yuu and then
asked in a cracked whisper—probably because he couldn’t make any more
noise—“did you just… ‘kya?’” His quiet voice was astonished.
“No,” Yuu replied coldly, adamantly. “I did not. I said ‘gya,’ not ‘kya.’
There’s a difference between—wait, you’re awake?” His eyes widened in
amazement.
“Of course. It’s morning; why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve been asleep for the past three and a half weeks, and you ask why you
wouldn’t—”
Yuu stopped speaking. Lavi had collapsed back down and was now staring vacantly
into space. At least he’s awake, Yuu thought. But somehow, that thought wasn’t
as comforting as it should have been.
---
He was cold, cold and … warm? There was noise in the room, a small cackle.
Sleep tight, said a voice he recognized but couldn’t place. For some reason,
the color white came to mind, and he felt warm in his stomach, like he was
being comforted and relaxed. Then something was very close to him, and after a
while, something warm and heavy settled around his waist. Something pressed
very close to his body, and it felt very good and very warm. He wasn’t drifting
anymore, and he was sad at the lack of nothingness. He wanted it back, but it
was okay if it was gone while he was so warm like this. He let himself bask in
it, like it was the sun and he was on a very warm beach somewhere. Maybe the
beach was covered in rocks, surrounded by crystal blue water that rippled with
waves. He wanted to stay in it all day. Yes, it was day now, because the inside
of his eyelid was orange from sunlight beating down on him. A strange noise
came from next to him, and a light breeze hit his chest. The warmth shifted
next to him. The sun was moving. One of its rays slid quickly away from his
waist, and he fought to open his eye, to find it and make it come back. Because
now he was getting cold, and he didn’t like that. Cold reminded him of things
he didn’t want to remember. Cold reminded him of lots of people who he knew but
weren’t real. How many of them were there? Oh yes, forty-nine.
“Gyaaa!” That was a very strange noise. It was choked, and it moved away at the
same trajectory his sun had. Why was the sun talking, yelling? He pried his eye
open and was shocked by the clarity of the world outside him. It was too
detailed, too bright, too much for him to handle. But he wondered what had
happened to his sun, so he looked around. There was someone he knew on the
ground, a long-haired man with pale golden skin and deep, remarkable dark eyes
that showed nothing of what he was truly feeling. He was bare-chested, and Lavi
noticed the clear-cut muscles of his chest and his stomach. And there was the
Sanskrit tattoo that Lavi knew was connected to his lotus flower.
“Did you just… ‘kya?’” He asked, surprised that this man would make such a
cutesy, girly noise. It was not in character for him to say that.
“No,” the man—Yuu, yes, it was Yuu—replied, a defiant tone in his beautiful,
deep voice that always sounded like butter to Lavi. “I did not. I said ‘gya,’
not ‘kya.’ There’s a difference between—wait, you’re awake?” His voice changed
to a tone of complete shock as his eyes widened.
“Of course. It’s morning; why wouldn’t I be?”
“You’ve been—” but he didn’t hear anything more, because he couldn’t remember
who he was. Was he Lavi? But that didn’t make sense, because Lavi was the
forty-ninth person he knew that wasn’t real. But at the same time, was he Lavi?
Was that what he used to refer to himself? Who was he? The world’s clarity
faded, and he tried to discern just who and what he was. He was an Exorcist. He
remembered that—that was a good start. What else was he? He knew he was not a
Bookman, and thinking about that made his chest very cold and painful, like the
sun’s presence hadn’t been there at all. He knew that his sun was very
important to him, more important than he wanted to admit to himself, so he
wouldn’t. Carefully, he sorted his thoughts, putting his Exorcist identity in
one corner of his mind. His not-Bookman identity went into the far corner,
where it wouldn’t hurt quite so much, and he put the sun in the corner right at
the front of his mind. It made him warm and comfortable. But there was still so
much he didn’t know about himself. He didn’t have a purpose for his life, but
as an Exorcist, he had a purpose to live for at the moment. There was a name he
called himself. It was number forty-nine. Lavi. He supposed that he should put
that in the fourth corner of his mind. Besides, wasn’t that what the sun
referred to him as? Always calling him by number forty-nine’s name. And he
liked his sun, wanted it to stay, so he kept that name to appease it. He would
be called Lavi. He was sure number forty-nine wouldn’t mind, since number
forty-nine wasn’t real. He heard no words of protest, so he firmly linked the
name Lavi in the fourth and final corner of his mind. The corners made him feel
safe, especially the corner with his sun. His chest didn’t feel so cold from
thinking about Bookman anymore. It was warm, burning, like a flame heating his
body from inside his heart.
But besides the name, there was nothing in the Lavi corner of his head. He
needed to know who he was. He was a serious person, one who took his duties
seriously. He also knew that at some point, he had had a fair amount of pride
in his accomplishments, though he wasn’t sure what he had accomplished anymore.
He decided to ask the forty-nine people who weren’t real. Perhaps they were all
manifestations of himself, or of a part of him. Painstakingly, he began
questioning number one. This would take a while, and he mentally prepared for
it.
---
July 12, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
The doctor was in the room again, hooking Lavi up to an IV for nourishment. Yuu
shuddered to think how thin the other man had become. It had been a week since
Lavi had woken, and since then, Lavi had drifted in and out of consciousness.
Or rather, he drifted between sleep and the trance-like state that he’d lapsed
into after speaking briefly to Yuu that one morning. Nearly a month had passed
since their return from the mission in the south of France, and while the other
Exorcists had been on plenty of other missions, Yuu still steadfastly refused
to leave Lavi’s side. He didn’t care if he had made an enemy of Smith, he was
not leaving. Lavi reminded Yuu too much of himself, and as much as he tried to
deny it, he wished that he had had someone to stay by his side the entire time.
Yuu yawned; he hadn’t slept in three days, and all the sleep he had gotten
before that hadn’t been restful in the least. His dreams were getting, if
possible, worse. Every night, he was forced to watch his memories from before
he was an Exorcist.
Lavi groaned, making the first sound he had in a long time. Yuu looked up from
his position in Lavi’s desk chair. The redhead was stirring again, as he had
been doing disturbingly often in the past few hours. He was giving Yuu false
hope that he would wake soon. He noticed the doctor had left and was relieved,
but just when Yuu was about to turn his attention back to the wood grain
pattern in the desk, Lavi opened his eye.
He was staring despondently again. Getting up and stretching his aching joints,
he walked up to Lavi’s bedside. He sat down on the bed, angled so that he was
facing Lavi’s face. Reaching for the book Lenalee had brought him, that he had
promptly put on the bedside, he decided to pass the time reading. Sighing, he
opened the book to the first page. Yuu found himself drawn immediately into the
story. He knew that Amanda had recommended he read this book and as much as he
hated to admit it, it was interesting. He was having trouble understanding the
thick description and meandering thought process of the author. He didn’t
realize it, but he had begun to read it aloud in order to understand better. He
also didn’t notice Lavi’s eye becoming more animated, as if he was actually
listening for the first time in weeks.
“What’s this book about?” Lavi asked, his voice croaking from disuse. Yuu
jumped and dropped the book. It hit the floor with a soft flopping noise.
“Lavi?” He asked tentatively.
“Yes?” The other man’s voice was far too chipper for Yuu to be certain he
wasn’t dreaming.
Yuu blinked, “Slap me,” he ordered. Lavi raised his arm as if to comply, but
stopped short, gaping at his heavily bandaged right hand.
“Eh?!” He exclaimed, “What the hell happened?” Yuu didn’t respond for a second.
“Do… you really not remember?” Lavi expression changed at once, becoming more
conservative and nervously tried to pull on his earring before remembering his
hands were bandaged.
“There was something about a sun.” he said, his voice hesitant and soft in a
way Yuu had never heard Lavi speak before.
“Nani?” Yuu asked, thoroughly confused.
“Yeah, there was sun, and it was keeping me warm, but then it went away. Then I
was cold again.” Lavi’s speech was very clear, another thing Yuu had never
heard before. It was like Lavi was carefully choosing his words, rather than
just saying what he thought.
Lavi paused, closing his eye for a second. His face gained animation again.
Opening his eye, he flashed Yuu a characteristic bright smile. “Hey Yuu-chan,
I’m hungry, let’s go eat!” His voice was cheerful, boisterous, and it annoyed
Yuu as much as it relieved him.
“Che,” he scoffed, looking away and buying time by picking the book up from the
ground. “You’re not allowed to have solid foods, but if you want some soup or
something, I can go get you some.” He cursed inwardly at the caring showing
through his voice. He turned around, cheeks blushing faintly. “Well, I’m
hungry, so I’ll be back.” He didn’t want Lavi thinking he’d been there the
whole time, but as he went to move, something hit the small of his back, as if
making to grab his shirt tail. Turning quickly, he recoiled when he saw Lavi’s
expression. The man’s eye was dark and desperate. His features were tight in
what could only be described as acute panic.
“Don’t leave,” Lavi half-whispered, his voice strained with the sudden emotion.
Yuu collapsed on the bed, and the last thing he remembered before sleep
overpowered him was his head hitting the softness of Lavi’s green pillow.
Immediately, he was back in the garden outside his house, just like he was
every afternoon. His mother was with him, and he was making little wreaths for
her hair out of the lotus flowers that stood proudly at the edge of their
property. She laughed, her voice like chimes in the wind, and Yuu felt his
heart lighten in joy. He loved making his mother laugh.
“Yuu!” She called, and he ran to her immediately. “I have to go inside soon,
but promise me you’ll stay outside, okay?”
Yuu nodded his acquiescence and gave his mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
She winced slightly, and Yuu frowned. “Are you okay, okaa-san?”
She smiled comfortingly and stroked Yuu’s cheek. “I’m just fine, Yuu, I just
slept funny last night.” Running her fingers through his shoulder-length hair,
she stood up. Her hands trailed reluctantly from the ends of his hair, and she
turned and walked gracefully back into the house, her light yukata rustling in
the wind. Yuu watched her go, hoping his mother would be able to come back out
to play with him later. He looked around for something to do, and he caught
sight of the neighbor’s cat. He chased it around the backyard and took a lazy
nap with it as the evening sun set. At last, his mother called him inside for
dinner, and he went in willingly.
They had sushi that night. Afterward, his mother ran him a bath. He heard the
telltale sounds of his father returning home for the evening, and his mother
left the room, presumably to greet his father. Yuu sighed. He hated it when he
had to wash himself while his parents talked about their day. Today would be
different—he decided that he would take a bath after his father had eaten his
dinner.
Walking to the kitchen, he was surprised when he heard a high whimper of pain.
His heart raced with worry, and he threw the sliding door open. He gasped at
the scene in front of him.
His mother’s white yukata was ripped, and his mother was draped unceremoniously
on top of the table. His father stood over her, his pants down by his ankles.
His father brought up a hand and slapped his mother hard enough that her neck
snapped to the left.
Yuu was frozen, locked in the doorway. He watched, horrified, as his father
pounded mercilessly into his mother. She didn’t make any more noise than small
gasps of pain—that is, until she saw him in the doorway.
“Yuu,” she whispered, her voice breaking. Tears formed in her eyes and fell
down her face. His father stopped his movements and followed his wife’s gaze.
He pulled back and grinned predatorily, showing his uneven teeth.
“Yuuuuu-chaaaan,” he sing-songed. “Why don’t you come over here?”
Yuu was fixed in place, but that didn’t matter, because his father shuffled
over to him, pants dragging on the ground from around his ankles. Yuu’s father
grabbed his shoulders and forced him down—
“Yuu, Yuu! Dammit, wake up already!” Lavi’s voice sounded loud enough to drag
Yuu gratefully from his dream. He was shaking heavily, and sweat covered every
inch of his body, plastering his hair to his head and neck. He opened his eyes
and saw Lavi disturbingly close to him. He recoiled as far as he could into the
bed, but Lavi was still so close…
Arms pulled him up into a broad chest, and Yuu felt the heavy bandages covering
Lavi’s hands on his back. “Thank God you’re awake, Yuu-chan. You just fell
asleep, and then I wanted to sleep, too, so I lay down,” Lavi gushed. “I didn’t
want you to wake up and leave, though, so I grabbed you, and you were fine, and
I was about to get to sleep when you went all – all rigid! And then you started
shaking and shaking, and if I was stupid, I would’ve thought you were having a
seizure, but you weren’t because you weren’t shaking that hard. So I tried to
wake you up, but you wouldn’t, and why are you so cold? You’re not supposed to
be cold! You’re the sun, you’re the only thing keeping me warm!” He broke off
and started gasping wildly. His gasps turned into dry sobs, and eventually real
tears joined them, falling at an alarming rate from Lavi’s uncovered eye.
Frozen in place, Yuu let Lavi wail heavily onto the top of his head. He didn’t
particularly care for the position he was in, but he was too shaken from his
dream to do anything about it. He pushed it into the far depths of his mind,
never wanting to remember it again. He hadn’t thought of that particular time
since it had happened. Besides, Lavi seemed to need him, so he brought his
hands to rest around the other man’s trembling waist.
After a while, Lavi’s tears had calmed, and he was now crying silently,
sniffling every now and then. Yuu looked up into the redhead’s face and noticed
a twin tear track on the right side of Lavi’s face. The redhead only whimpered
as Yuu shifted, leaving the warmth of Lavi’s chest. He pulled the eye patch
away from the man’s face and paused. A faded but mottled scar stretched across
his eyelid and up to his eyebrow. The lowest part of the scar was just above
the range of the patch Lavi wore over it. Peeling back Lavi’s eyelid, he was
shocked to see that Lavi actually had a second eye. He scoffed at himself in
his head. Of course he did, if he had two lines of tears running down his face.
It was as green as Lavi’s other eye, that particular shade of jade-ish emerald
that had unimaginable depths, but it was filmed over. Lavi was obviously blind
in this eye—baka, he wears an eye patch, he reminded himself—and Yuu found
himself wondering what had caused it. He noticed that Lavi had gone very still
and gazed at the rest of his face, trying to see what had changed. It wasn’t
hard to miss—all the life, all the emotion, had been hidden away somewhere,
making his eye the darkest green Yuu had ever seen.
Lavi tried to move his arm back, but the IV tube snagged on one of the buttons
on Yuu’s undone shirt.
“This fucking thing,” Lavi growled and yanked on the snagged tube, ripping the
tape and the needle from his arm. Blood spurted from the vein, but the man took
no notice of the stain that was steadily growing on his green sheets. Yuu
pulled away and grabbed the man’s arm, putting pressure on the wound. Lavi
hissed at him, a deep, guttural noise, and tried to take his arm back, but Yuu
was stronger than the other man. Just in time, it seemed, a knock came on the
door and the British doctor walked in. He paused when he saw the scene before
him, but he hurried into the room after only a moment’s hesitation. Lavi became
despondent, falling limply to the bed when the doctor took his arm from Yuu.
“What happened?” The doctor asked as he probed the wound.
“He woke up,” Yuu said simply.
“I can see that,” the doctor said in a light tone, pulling gauze and
disinfectant from the bag he carried with him. “What else?”
Yuu didn’t know quite how to respond. “He keeps… changing,” he finally said,
sighing. He didn’t know how else to describe it. The doctor nodded, as if he
understood completely.
“That may happen a lot; he may be trying to find the personality that is most
comfortable. If the mental trauma he suffered was great enough, he may have
completely lost his sense of ‘self.’” Yuu stared at Lavi. The doctor had
finished wrapping Lavi’s forearm and turned his attention to the man’s hands.
Unwrapping the bandages, the British man examined the ragged lines of stitches
that spread from the first knuckles of his fingers to his wrists. His hands
were swollen and still caked with blood; the doctor prodded the man’s new metal
knuckles, grunting in concentration.
“Well, the wounds are healing nicely, and it feels like the metal is still in
place. The stitches should be able to come out in a few days.” The doctor put
new, lighter bandages on Lavi’s hands, then turning to Yuu again, he said, “Try
to get him to move his hands, and get him to eat something when he wakes up.”
Yuu nodded and helped the man lay Lavi back down on the bed.
---
July 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Lavi’s Room
Birds chirped happily, fluttering about the window excitedly like the joyous
creatures they were. Everything seemed crisp and neat and full of life. He felt
like jumping up and doing a merry dance, but his atrophied muscles kept him
from moving very much. Still, he couldn’t complain, as everything just felt so…
light. He was very warm this morning, a large contrast to the coldness he had
felt the night before. But that didn’t matter now, because he was so very
happy, so very, very happy, and so very full of love. It was because his sun
was sitting in his desk chair, which was pulled right up next to his bed,
asleep. Even better was the fact that his sun’s hand was resting lightly on his
own. He tried to grasp it, but his hand wouldn’t move. Looking down, he noticed
the bandages were much lighter, but still his hand didn’t move when he tried.
He got it to twitch, but other than that, it did nothing. He grunted in
frustration, angry that this was impeding on his happy day. He had awoken to
his sun, and now his body was malfunctioning!
His sun stirred at the noise and opened his beautiful, dark eyes. They shone
brightly with the reflection of light from the cheery window. Lavi felt all his
annoyance melt away at the uncharacteristically soft face his sun was making.
“G’mornin’, Yuuuu!” He said groggily, a bright, happy smile lighting his face.
The man grunted, and Lavi tasted butter in his mouth. Licking his dry lips, he
asked. “What’s fer breakfast?”
“Toast, if you’re up for it,” he replied, his voice swathed in some emotion
Lavi couldn’t quite place. Like his sun… was actually caring for him. He knew
his sun didn’t like to show such weak things as caring. Even if he did care.
“I’d go with ya to get it, but I don’t think I can go that far without
collapsin’.” Yuu grunted and nodded in understanding, sweeping from the room.
His sun was gone, but Lavi wasn’t cold. He waited patiently for Yuu to return,
and when he did, laden with a tray of toast and jam, Lavi felt himself wanting,
craving, butter.
“Did you bring any butter?” He asked, hoping for an affirmative reply. Yuu
looked shocked and shook his head, blushing slightly. Lavi wondered why, but he
refrained from asking. He wouldn’t get an answer that way. He would need to pay
attention to Yuu’s body language to figure it out. Lavi was alright with that,
though. He loved watching his sun.
“Sorry. I thought you liked jam with your toast, so I didn’t think to bring
anything else,” Yuu said, and suddenly, Lavi’s craving disappeared. That voice,
that sweet, buttery voice had completely satisfied his need.
“Oh, never mind,” he said nonchalantly. “You just gave me butter, I’m fine
now.”
“What?” Yuu looked so surprised and confused that Lavi unconsciously moved
forward a bit.
“What?” Lavi asked, surprised at what he had said. Yuu shot him a look that
made Lavi have the urge to throw his arms around the man and kiss him, and he
didn’t refrain.
His stomach hit the tray, upsetting it and throwing the contents to the floor,
but he didn’t care. He flew up to Yuu’s level and knocked the man unsteady as
his arms twined around Yuu’s neck. He pressed his lips hard to Yuu’s. The other
man’s mouth opened in surprise, and Lavi took advantage of that, sliding his
tongue delicately between Yuu’s teeth.
---
July 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Lavi’s Room
Birds chirped happily, fluttering about the window excitedly like the joyous
creatures they were. Yuu wanted to run them through with Mugen. Damn them for
disturbing his sleep, for waking him. He heard a frustrated grunt and decided
it was time to wake the rest of the way up. Stirring, he opened his eyes. He
saw Lavi looking at him, his left eye a light, joyous green that was deep with
an emotion he had only seen in his mother’s eyes. Only it was slightly
different, a different quality of that emotion.
“G’mornin’, Yuuuu!” Lavi said groggily, and Yuu wondered just when the other
Exorcist had awoken. Yuu grunted in response, and Lavi’s expression lit up
again. Lavi licked his lips in a way that made Yuu shiver, and he wondered why.
“What’s fer breakfast?” Lavi asked, distracting him.
He wondered what Lavi liked to eat, and he remembered seeing the other man
eating toast quite frequently. He also tended to go for bacon and eggs, but
those were probably too heavy for the man’s stomach at the moment. “Toast,” he
said finally, “if you’re up for it.” He wasn’t sure why he had tagged that on
the end, making it sound like he cared, which, damn it, he didn’t. He was just
here because Lavi wouldn’t let him leave, like the night before, when he had
been placing one of Lavi’s hands to his side and the other man hand held onto
his hand tightly, reopening the stitches. The doctor had had to redo them and
change the bandages again.
“I’d go with ya to get it, but I don’t think I can go that far without
collapsin’,” Lavi said, reminding Yuu that he was supposed to be taking care of
the stupid, red invalid. He grunted again, this time in understanding, and he
left the room.
He reached the dining hall without incident and got food for both Lavi and
himself. He grabbed a small jar of strawberry jam, the kind he remembered Lavi
using on his toast every morning. Yuu was surprised that he had been that
observant about the other man but brushed the thought off. He had known the guy
for years; of course he’d know what the other man ate for breakfast.
He walked back to the room and was grateful to see Miranda passing through the
hallway. When she saw him carrying the tray of food, she went and opened Lavi’s
door for him. He nodded as a way of thanks and entered the stupid rabbit’s
room. As he neared the redhead’s bed, Lavi asked the strangest question.
“Did you bring any butter?” His voice sounded somewhat desperate. Yuu froze. He
didn’t think Lavi had ever had toast with butter. Searching his memories, he
found none where Lavi had ever buttered his breakfast bread. But then, that was
only Lavi, and this man was not completely Lavi. There was something… different
about this particular persona. He wondered if each of Lavi’s personas had its
own personal likes and dislikes, especially with food.
“Sorry,” he finally apologized, not knowing what else to say. “I thought you
liked jam with your toast, so I didn’t bring anything else.” Suddenly, Lavi’s
expression changed, and he looked utterly satisfied.
“Oh, never mind,” Lavi said, his voice blasé. “You just gave me butter, I’m
fine now.”
Yuu had never been so confused in his entire life. What the fuck was Lavi
talking about? He didn’t understand. “What?” He asked, trying to find some sort
of clarity in the situation.
“What?” Lavi asked immediately, looking confused himself. Lavi moved forward,
but Yuu didn’t notice. He was wondering how to respond to that but decided to
drop it, as Lavi seemed as baffled as he was.
Then Lavi was moving, throwing himself at Yuu. The tray was knocked askew, but
Yuu couldn’t do a thing about it, because Lavi’s arms were suddenly around his
neck, and Lavi’s lips were fastened securely on his own. The force of Lavi’s
jump knocked him back a few centimeters, but he steadied himself quickly.
Belatedly, he realized that his mouth was open in shock as Lavi gently and
deftly stuck his tongue into it. Yuu didn’t know how to respond. Something
smoldered in the pit of his stomach, releasing smoke up through his chest and
making his heart beat faster than usual. Lavi moved his lips against Yuu’s, but
he still didn’t know how to respond, opting to stay still. This sensation was
so foreign, so different, that it shocked him back into a memory.
Lips. Lips on his lips. They moved to cover his mouth completely, so his
shocked scream couldn’t be heard. Something hard hit his stomach, and his cheek
smarted as something hit that, too. Hands moved down his sides until they
reached the hem of hisjinbei.Pain. Agony. Fear.
Yuu’s eyes snapped open, and without thinking, he pushed away the attacker as
hard as he could. He hadn’t been able to fight back then, but he could now, and
he needed to get those lips off of him, because they were suffocating him and
making him remember things that were painful, and—
THUMP!
Yuu gasped. Why was Lavi against the wall? His eye gave off a funny emotion,
and it teared up in pain. His face looked like it was in agony, but Yuu was
sure that Lavi didn’t know what agony truly was. He couldn’t turn away from the
face, but he couldn’t stay there, either. He needed to leave, so he backed up,
his legs shaking harder with each step. Lavi’s eye went blank. As if he was
released from a spell, Yuu turned around and dashed through the door, flinging
himself into his room faster than he could slay a Level One Akuma. He managed
to make it to his bed before he blacked out, his mind protecting him from the
trauma of his past.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: Yasuo means “kind one.” Ah, irony, we love you so! Also, the
     book Yuu was reading was J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Fellowship of the Ring.
     :D If you want to know what a jinbei is, Wiki it! (Yay, Wiki!)
***** Yuu is my Sunshine *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_7—Yuu_is_my_Sunshine
June 16, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
“Oh my God, Allen! What did they do to you!?” Lenalee exclaimed, running over
to give her favorite Exorcist a big, but gentle, hug.
Allen was sitting cheerily at a circular table with three others. Two wore the
gold-trimmed coats of the Generals, while one sported regular clothes. Judging
by his youth, Lenalee assumed him to be an apprentice. The problem, however,
wasn’t the situation, but rather Allen himself. His right wrist was bandaged
lightly, and there were numerous, long bandages on his arms, face, and neck. He
was divested of his usual Exorcist jacket and sat stiffly, his entire chest and
stomach bandaged heavily. Lenalee couldn’t help but gape a little at the
carnage.
“It’s alright, Lenalee; it was just a little misunderstanding!” Allen replied,
as cheerful as he looked. It was such a contrast that Lenalee wondered if he
was under anesthetics.
“What happened?” She asked, her voice thick with worry and tears prickling in
her eyes. Allen abruptly looked sheepish and immensely remorseful.
“I’m really sorry, Lenalee,” he said, his smile falling from his face as
quickly as Kanda-kun was to anger. “I broke my promise.” As he said that, he
broke eye contact as well, hanging his head and looking at his lap.
“Who hurt you?” Lenalee asked, and she was surprised to hear that her tone was
rigid.
“Er, one of the new Generals.”
Lenalee glared at the two men, but they raised their hands up in a sign of
innocence.
“Which one of them?” She asked, her voice still flinty.
“Neither of them hurt me, Lenalee. It was just a misunderstanding, and the lead
General got a little… jumpy.”
“You’re not telling me what happened, Allen.”
Allen looked defiantly into her eyes, but after a moment, his expression
softened, and he began to explain. Lenalee listened to every word carefully,
her eyes widening as Allen’s story progressed. By the end, she was irate.
Without waiting, she marched off, intending to correct the situation.
She didn’t knock on the door to the Director’s office. She never had in the
past, when Komui had been Head, and she wouldn’t now, not when this Director
deserved none of her respect. She slammed the heavy doors open with her
activated Innocence and walked up to the desk, staring Smith down with a glare
Kanda-kun would have been supremely proud of.
“Miss Lee?” Smith asked, shocked.
“I want my General’s jacket,” she demanded, leaving no room for argument.
“What?”
“Now.” Her voice was as firm and unmoving as the walls of the building they
resided in. It also carried the coldness of the stone that comprised it.
“You were a General?” Smith asked, still in that shocked voice.
“Yes, now give me my jacket.” Her eyes flashed, and Smith quickly put in the
order for one. Tailors marched grimly into the office and made her jacket in
front of her eyes. The entire time, she looked on with angry indifference.
The fabric of her new coat practically dripped with authority, and Lenalee
carried herself proudly as she stormed down the hallways. Her Innocence was
still activated; she had not deactivated it since she had seen Allen.
As if reading her mind, Allen appeared behind her, managing to grab her
shoulder. Lenalee brushed it off, not intending to be deterred. He shouted
after her, saying something about stopping, that it wasn’t a big deal, but
Lenalee paid him no attention. She had a colleague to scold.
Turning a corner, she ran directly into the person she had been looking for.
“Watch where you’re going!” The target of her ire yelled. Lenalee shot her a
glare and stood her ground. This was between the two of them, and she wasn’t
about to let her prey escape.
“If you ever, ever touch my Allen again,” she said, her voice like fire and ice
juxtaposed, emanating an anger so intense the other woman took a step back.
“Excuse me?” The African General asked, voice shaking with an outraged laugh.
“You heard me. You have no idea what kind of hell Allen lives through every
day. He’s the Destroyer of Time, and if that wasn’t burden enough, he sees the
wretched souls of the Akuma. That may sound fine and dandy, but one who has
never seen them can never understand. And furthermore, Allen has a Noah in the
back of his head, constantly, constantly, trying to usurp him. If Allen loses
concentration on that for one moment, even when he’s asleep, then the Noah will
take him over. You have no idea the stress he is under. He deserves your
respect. If you ever touch him again, I will personally see you punished.
Listen closely: I can be either your greatest ally or your worst enemy. You get
to pick. Trust Allen, and I am your friend. Hurt him, and you will never escape
me.”
The black woman blinked in shock. Lenalee took that time to punch the woman in
the stomach. She hunched over and fell to the ground, the breath driven from
her lungs. Lenalee was about to follow that with a kick from her Dark Boots,
but arms went around her waist, restraining her, and she smelled Allen’s soft,
subtle scent envelop her from behind.
“Don’t, Lenalee,” he said in her ear, his voice low. “It was just a
misunderstanding, and I will be healed soon.”
“You’ll scar, Allen. You said she whipped you.”
“It was Innocence; the scars will fade.”
Lenalee relaxed into Allen’s arms and breathed deeply.
“The threat still remains,” she said, loud enough for the other woman to hear.
Allen led Lenalee away quickly.
They passed Lolek as they left, and Lenalee could have sworn she heard the man
say to the General, “and if you touch Lenalee, I will kill you,” but she was
sure she was imagining it.
---
June 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lenalee was worried. She and Allen hadn’t seen each other much in the past two
days, and every time they met in the hallways, he looked pained. One time, he
had been rubbing at his cursed left eye, a sign that he was losing his control
over the Fourteenth. She wanted to confront him about it, walking calmly to his
room, hoping he’d be there. As she reached the junction of the main hall and
the hall to the Exorcists’ quarters, Kanda-kun brushed past her. Her eyes
widened a fraction.
“Kanda-kun!” She called, a smile forming on her face. He had been her first
Exorcist friend in the Order, and he was probably the dearest to her, next to
Allen.
Kanda-kun grunted his response, and Lenalee knew that was the best she was
going to get.
“Welcome back!” She called after his retreating back.
“Tadaima,” was the mumbled response that echoed back to her. She smiled
lightly. Kanda-kun was such a sweet man underneath all the ice.
Her smile slid off her face as Lavi walked past. If Kanda-kun had looked tired,
it was nothing compared to Lavi. He was unshaven and disheveled. His Exorcist
jacket was rumpled and wrinkled, which was uncharacteristic. Though Lavi seemed
like the messy type, his clothes were always impeccably clean and pressed. The
exception to that was after battles, but then, all of them had torn and unkempt
clothing after those. He walked with heavy steps, his feet dragging every few
paces. And he was slouching. Lavi did not slouch. Something was very, very
wrong with him. As he had passed, there had been no tired smile on his face, no
sparkle in his eye, and Lenalee was very worried.
“Welcome back, Lavi!” She called, hoping to snap him out of his stupor. He did
not respond, continuing to follow Kanda-kun to their rooms. Lenalee followed
behind him, curious. Numerous times, she called out to him, hoping to get a
response, but each time, she never did.
He walked into his room and closed the door. She heard the springs on his bed
shift, and she knew he was going to get some rest. She hoped he’d be feeling
better the next morning, but some way about how he carried himself and looked
so despondent made her think otherwise. Still anxious for the energetic
Exorcist, she knocked on Kanda-kun’s door.
“What?” He growled out gruffly. Lenalee had to smile a bit at his attempt to
sound intimidating.
“It’s Lenalee,” she said. “What’s wrong with Lavi?”
“Che,” she heard from behind the door. “He’s been like that since the train
ride home. I’m sure he’s just tired. Let him sleep. He’ll be fine in the
morning.”
“Well, can you at least keep an eye on him? I’m really worried.”
The man grunted affirmatively. Satisfied that that was all she’d get from the
Japanese Exorcist, she wished him a good sleep and walked off, heading over to
Allen’s room, her thoughts still fixated on the redhead.
She didn’t bother knocking on Allen’s door, knowing she’d always be welcome in
his room. He was sitting on his bed, holding his eye, but he looked up as she
walked in. After a moment, his hand dropped, and he looked shocked.
“That was surprising,” he commented, more to himself than to his unexpected
company.
“What was?” Lenalee asked, taking a seat next to him.
“The Fourteenth just… quieted. And now he’s gone. I can’t hear him at all.
Normally, he goes away gradually, and he never gets this quiet. It’s been
happening every once in a while ever since you got back, but before that, he
was almost unbearable, screaming in my mind almost every second. The only thing
keeping me sane was my promise to you. And Miranda. She helped a lot,
distracting me from him.”
“So it’s finally getting worse,” Lenalee said softly, feeling a pang in her
heart as she realized where this would potentially lead Allen.
“It seems so. I can still resist him, but I don’t know how long I can keep it
up,” Allen admitted. “I’m just really… tired. It’s like Miranda’s Innocence. I
can only keep it up for so long before I reach my limit. But every time I think
I’ve reached it, he goes away. Normally, he comes back almost immediately, but
right now, he’s just gone. I think I may…” Allen’s voice drifted off, and he
fell into a light sleep. Lenalee lay him out on the bed, removing his boots and
covering him with the bedclothes. Lightly kissing his forehead, she ran her
fingers through his fringe and left the room.
---
June 20, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Holding his left eye as if that would hold the Noah back, he walked unsteadily
down the corridor. The Fourteenth was literally screaming in his head, and he
hadn’t let up since lunch. Lenalee, Lolek, and Allen had had a relaxing meal,
but Lenalee had seemed worried about something. After Lolek had left, Allen had
asked her what was wrong, and she’d confided that she thought Lavi was ill. The
former Bookman Heir hadn’t left his room since his return, and even Kanda was
starting to look a little unsettled about it. Lenalee had asked Allen to go
talk to Lavi, see what was wrong, and he had agreed immediately. Now he wished
he’d stayed with her. She’d know exactly what to do about the Fourteenth. He
sighed and continued on his way, eventually reaching the dark, heavy door to
Lavi’s room. He knocked, but got no response. Lenalee had told him to expect as
much, so Allen tried the knob. It stayed in place, quite obviously locked.
Allen growled, the Fourteenth crescendoing to an earsplitting dynamic.
“Lavi, I know you’re in there, so please tell me if you’re still alive,” he
shouted through the thick wood.
“Go away,” came the reply. Lavi sounded strange, but not sick. It was more like
a brooding voice. Allen felt anger rise in his chest. He wasn’t sure if this
was his emotion or the Noah’s, seeing as he could barely distinguish the two of
them at the moment, but he acted on it anyway.
“Angsting isn’t going to get you anywhere. Come out and have a coffee with me
and Lenalee,” he growled, hoping he sounded at least a bit patronizing.
“It’s not angst, its introspection,” Lavi’s voice called. Allen growled again
and banged loudly on the door. He got no further response. The Fourteenth was
now positively shrieking in his head, the dynamic that of an opera soprano’s
shrill fortissimo amplified several times over.
Staggering back to his room, he tried to get the Noah to quiet down. He wasn’t
sure if he was saying anything aloud, and he hoped fervently that he wasn’t,
but he couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. All that mattered was
getting somewhere quiet, somewhere without anyone, so he could cry out in pain.
The Noah was getting, if possible, louder and shriller, and he wasn’t sure he
could keep himself together much longer.
Blessed quiet.
Allen blinked, halting. Where had the Fourteenth gone? He had simply…
disappeared, all operatic screams gone. He looked around. Everything was silent
in comparison to the Noah’s singing, and it took him a moment to get his
bearings. He was in the Exorcists’ quarters right now, and his door was down
the hall and to the left. The door he had stopped at was Lenalee’s. That was
strange. He moved on, but the second he passed her door, the Noah came back
with a vengeance. He screamed out unintentionally, his hands going to his head
as he felt the stigmata form on his forehead. His eye twitched painfully, and
his curse elongated agonizingly, but he couldn’t move his hands down from his
head. They were all that was keeping him together. Doors slammed open, but
Allen didn’t care. He knew pain intimately, but every time it reached this
level, it swept through him with the same intensity as the first time. It hurt
as badly as his Innocence breaking, as Suman biting through his hand, as Tyki
using the Tease to put a hole in his heart, as dying, as fighting Tyki in the
Ark, as discovering Cross dead, as watching Mana die, as destroying Mana the
Akuma, as…
Thought left him. All there was left was pain, and it crashed over him with the
force of a waterfall. He tried to ride through it, but the water kept plunging
him deeper and deeper into the pain. He fought against the Noah, but it was
becoming too strong, and he was so tired…
Soft, cold hands were on his forehead, weaving through his hair; it felt good.
There was no sound, but he thought he heard crying, a voice he recognized but
couldn’t place…
The pain was diminishing, but the tremors from the first wave were still
wracking his body, and he couldn’t move. He was too weak. In the distance, he
smelled the coppery odor of blood. He felt something cold cover his forehead
and heard soothing words being said, but he still couldn’t understand anything.
Something soft was beneath him, and he felt lighter than before, a light breeze
hitting skin that shouldn’t have been exposed.
Even after the pain diminished, Allen couldn’t find his way to the surface. The
Fourteenth had stopped his relentless attack, and Allen couldn’t hear or feel
the other presence in his head at all. He thanked every higher being he could
think of and fell into a relaxed sleep.
He did not rest well. All around him were noises that kept him from falling
into a true, deep sleep. There was an annoying beeping noise, and someone was
talking almost constantly, their voice tired and worried. He thought he heard
tears in the voice, but he wasn’t sure, and he was still too tired to care.
And then the world became very, very clear. There was a hand in his, and it was
small. He concentrated on the feeling and recognized it immediately as
Lenalee’s. She was the one talking to him, though it was more a stream of
incomprehensible babble now. He didn’t care. Opening his eye—his left one had a
bandage over it—he tightened his fingers around Lenalee’s. She looked up, and
Allen saw she was crying.
“Hey, Lenalee,” he said, his voice hoarse. Her look of wild relief made him
feel a twinge of guilt. He had made her worry again, and he felt horrible for
it.
“Allen,” she said, voice so relieved that Allen nearly choked on it. “Thank God
you’re okay.” She bent over and hugged him, being mindful of his injuries.
Allen moved his arms to encircle her back and immediately regretted it. Every
muscle ached, and each of his half-healed injuries from General Kabbah’s whip
throbbed. He noted all his bandages were heavy now. Despite the pain, he pulled
Lenalee to him, and she held onto him tightly as she cried onto his shoulder.
“I’m fine, Lenalee,” he said into her ear. She nodded.
“It’s funny, though. I haven’t felt Noah once since the pain went away. I can’t
even feel his presence in my mind, let alone hear him,” he commented. Lenalee
stiffened but allowed him to continue. “Now that I think about it, I never hear
him when I’m around you.” Allen’s eyes widened. “Wait, Lenalee.” Ignoring the
painful twinges as he moved, he pushed Lenalee back at arm’s length, looking
deeply into her eyes. “He’s never around when you’re here. I’ve never, ever
heard him when you’re around. I don’t know why, but he’s… he’s not here.
Everything’s quiet.” He laughed happily. “There’s no noise!”
Lenalee smiled. “Then I’ll have to stay around you all the time,” she
responded, and Allen pulled her back into a hug.
“So what happened?” He asked after a while of silence.
“You… you were bleeding everywhere. Your eye, your ears, your wounds, and the
doctors said your wounds reacted to the Innocence that caused them. They
probably won’t heal for a while, not while the Noah’s around. But I’ll stay
with you until every one of them has disappeared,” she promised. Allen planned
to hold her to that. Now that he knew how to keep the Noah at bay, he was going
to fight him off with everything he had. And, he thought happily, I get to
spend time with Lenalee. For some reason, his heart felt extremely light at
that thought.
---
June 21, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Days had a way of passing, of melting together, and the more time passed, the
more worried Lenalee was for her energetic friend. She had been to visit him
several times, never once receiving a reply different from “go away.”
As she knocked once more on that heavy, unmoving door, Lenalee got the answer
she had been expecting. Holding back tears, Lenalee forced her voice to sound
even, calm, as she spoke. “Lavi, we have to meet Smith—we’re having a meeting.”
She received no response for a while, but after a moment, a thin voice
permeated through the thick door, barely reaching her ears. She wasn’t sure,
but she thought she heard the man’s voice choking on tears.
“Just go without me.” It was so forlorn and desperate that Lenalee immediately
felt guilty for not kicking the door down the first time she had found it
locked against her.
“Lavi, are – are you okay?” Silently, she activated her Innocence, but a hand
touched her shoulder, restraining her. She looked back, and her heart squeezed
painfully as she looked at Allen. He shook his head, and Lenalee sighed,
reluctantly deactivating.
“Fine.” was the responding grunt. Lenalee wasn’t sure if that was an answer to
her question or an acquiescence to go to the meeting. She hoped fervently that
it was both.
She heard scrambling from the room as well as the redhead Exorcist moving for
the first time in days. Behind her, Kanda-kun let out an impatient breath, but
it caught in his throat as the object of their worry—and there was no doubt
about it, Kanda-kun was worried—emerged shakingly from the room. Lenalee felt
bile rise to the back of her throat. She had never seen Lavi so despondent,
even when he was sick (which was surprisingly rare. As Kanda-kun said, idiots
didn’t get sick). Lavi’s hair was greasy, almost wet-looking from lack of
hygiene. His visible eye seemed sunken in, and the dark circle beneath it stood
out in shocking contrast to his wan, wax-like skin. He teetered unevenly and
slowly down the hall, and it didn’t take them long to overtake him. She noticed
Kanda-kun fall behind them, and she hoped he was watching Lavi.
Though what they’d learned in Smith’s office had been horrifying, Lenalee
couldn’t help but feel indifferent to it. She’d guessed most of what the
Director had to say, and she was too worried about Lavi. But even her concern
for Lavi could not take her from Allen’s side. They spent the entire day
together, not talking much, just enjoying the other’s company.
She should have realized that her promise to Allen would be broken almost
immediately. When they were called back to the Director’s office that evening,
Lenalee knew they’d be receiving another mission. It was a routine one for any
Exorcist, just like the one she’d done with Lolek. The Akuma population was
increasing again, and Lenalee knew what that implied. The race for the
Innocence had long been over; the war would be beginning in earnest soon. The
Director seemed to realize this, and after the quick extermination mission,
Allen would take his place as General. Smith wanted him to travel to the
different branches of the Dark Order, picking up whatever available Exorcists
he could. They’d all been recalled back to their respective Branches, so
hopefully, by the time Allen’s group arrived, the Exorcists would be prepared
to leave. The Earl had last been seen in Europe, and he had stayed there for
years now. It wasn’t likely he would leave anytime soon, and Lenalee had a
hunch that the war would be taking place on this continent.
It soon became clear that Lenalee would not be accompanying Allen, she being a
General herself, and that Kanda-kun would take what would have been her place.
Judging by how the man had stuck to Lavi’s side when the redhead had gone
missing, they would not be easy to part.
---
Lenalee paced worriedly outside Kanda-kun’s room, waiting for the man to
return. She hadn’t been able to sleep that night, and Allen had reluctantly
told her he would be fine. She hadn’t been able to stop fretting over
everything, and she knew, logically, that as a General, she shouldn’t be doing
it. But still, she couldn’t help herself. Maybe years in the past would have
found her more relaxed in this situation, but she had had Komui then, and Krory
and Cross, even Bookman. She had had Marie and Chaoji and Reever and Johnny…
but they were all dead now, whether from war or old age, and she couldn’t keep
the somewhat rational frame of mind she had had back then. Every beat of her
heart felt like a throbbing pain in her chest, raw with fresh grief that would
never cease.
She blinked as her eyes fell on Lavi’s door. It was open. Even before Lavi had
become so… strange, he had always at least kept his door closed. Lenalee’s
tortured heart beat in abrupt panic, and she felt the beginnings of an
adrenaline rush as she peeked inside.
The first thing that hit her was the strong smell of blood, so thick it was
palpable. She stifled a gasp as she saw the viscous red liquid splattering the
walls and Lavi’s bed. The second thing that hit her was that Kanda-kun was
there, holding Lavi tightly from behind. Lavi himself was quivering in Kanda-
kun’s arms, and Lenalee was sure that his expression would be pained if she
could see it. As it was, she could barely see his shock of bright red hair, as
Kanda-kun was effectively concealing him from view. Kanda-kun shifted slightly,
jostling Lavi a bit. The man let out a small whine, but Lenalee didn’t hear it.
All she could perceive was the blood that seemed to cover the redhead’s
hands—hands that seemed so wretched and broken that Lenalee put a hand to her
mouth in silent horror. Her eyes widened, taking in a scene she would never
forget. She stood there for a while, watching as Kanda-kun simply held Lavi
with a gentleness she had never previously seen. It was heartbreakingly sad.
With a start, she realized a tear was making its way down her face, and the
rustle of fabric along with her surprised gasp made Kanda-kun aware of her
presence. He turned, obviously trying to move as little as possible, but as he
made eye contact with Lenalee, she heard a small, pained whimper that broke her
heart. Even more surprising was how Kanda-kun drew the other man close to his
chest, holding him there tightly, as he allowed his eyes to adjust to the light
that poured into the room. Abruptly, Lenalee realized she should say something.
“I – I couldn’t sleep, and I came to see if Lavi was okay,” Lenalee said
softly. The object of her worry stirred as she reached his name, but then he
settled deeper into Kanda-kun’s embrace.
“Close the door and come back in the morning,” Kanda-kun said. Lenalee knew he
was trying to keep his voice even, unemotional, but she heard the waver in it.
For the first time since Lenalee had met him, she thought the other Exorcist
was dangerously close to tears. Lenalee decided to ignore the badly hidden
emotion and nodded. She knew that she couldn’t interrupt what was happening.
She had known for a long time that something had traumatized Kanda-kun, and
this was the first time she’d ever seen the stoic man act in the interest of
others. Lavi seemed utterly shattered, so she closed the door and sat outside
it till morning, leaving only once to check on Allen.
---
July 3, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Kanda-kun had refused to go on the mission, and the Director had wasted
precious days trying to convince the stubborn man to go. Each time, the
Japanese Exorcist glared coldly at Smith and flatly told him he would not be
going. The most recent time had been that morning, when Smith had had the gall
to enter Lavi’s room with a complete lack of propriety, barking at the young
Exorcist to “get out of Headquarters and go on the fucking mission, dammit!”
But he had refused again, and Lenalee was of the mind that the whole situation
was ridiculous. Miranda and Darcy were out on their first mission together, and
a Greek Exorcist named Artemis had just returned, too exhausted from her
previous mission to be sent back out right away. With Kanda-kun and Lavi both
out of commission and the Generals spending copious amounts of time doing
General-like things that she was, for some reason, not privy to, Lenalee
decided to take matters into her own hands.
Storming into Smith’s office like she had only a few weeks ago, Lenalee walked
up to his desk and threw her hands down on it, scowling intensely at the burly
man.
“I’m going with Allen, Amanda, and Lolek,” she announced authoritatively. Smith
blinked. “We’ll be leaving on the first plane to India.” She didn’t wait for
his response, turning on the heel of her Innocence and storming from the room.
She thought vaguely that Smith should have gotten used to the five old
Exorcists’ explosive personalities, but apparently, he was still as speechless
as he’d been the first time he’d been scolded by one of them.
They departed the next morning, ready for the long mission ahead of them.
---
July 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Lavi’s Room
I hurt my sun. That thought circled its way around Lavi’s head repeatedly,
stuck in the way songs were wont to do. I hurt my sun, and I don’t even know
how. He had grabbed Yuu into a hug, something that was not uncommon. Though the
man always tensed under his touch, he had never imagined that the man feared
him. But he had seen blatant fear in his sun’s eyes as he was pushed through
the air into the solid, stone wall. He knew Yuu reacted badly to touches—he
always had. He had never pushed Lavi back when he’d kissed him, though. That
one time, after Yuu had had a very vivid nightmare, he had even seemed to
welcome the embrace. Well, he had stayed still long enough for Lavi to press
his lips lightly to Yuu’s, but that equated to the same thing. Of course,
they’d only kissed four times, counting the one they’d just had. Two had been
in the past, two in the present, and only one had caused his sun to go as cold
as ice. He’s hurt! Lavi wailed in his head. His thoughts weren’t working well
for him, and he allowed himself to fall into a stupor as his sun sprinted,
panicked, from the room.
There was a throbbing in the back of his head.
But he didn’t care.
Why should he care?
Who was he?
Number thirty-six was not him, but he liked the way he could express his love.
He would keep that, maybe.
But what of him was in the other aliases?
And there was that dark presence at the back of his mind, trying to overpower
him. A sense of foreboding filled him, and he pushed the presence back like he
had once done his emotions. Maybe if he hid from it, it would go away. He would
deal with the consequences of that later.
There was sound, but there was no heat. His sun had not returned, as he’d
hoped. A lighter presence was next to him, and he could have sworn he heard a
higher voice, like that of a woman, coming from above him. It wasn’t accented
right for it to be Lenalee, who spoke with just the slightest of Chinese
accents. It was more… why couldn’t he place the language? As a Bookman, former
or no, he should have been able to know right away who was there.
Perhaps it was that that roused his awareness enough to gaze comprehendingly at
the German woman in front of him. He knew her name, just as he knew the British
boy’s and the Chinese girl’s, but none of them were his sun, so he didn’t care
to remember right then. His sun was Japanese.
“Lavi, are you awake?” The German woman asked, and Lavi had enough presence of
mind to nod. He winced automatically as the motion brought pain, and abruptly,
he was aware of the dull throbbing in the back of his head again. He heard a
gasp as the German woman ran a hand through his unkempt hair. She was looking
at her hand in shock and horror, but for the life of him, Lavi didn’t
understand why.
“What happened to you?” The German woman asked, but Lavi could not respond. He
couldn’t form words, just hoped that the German woman would keep running her
hands comfortingly through his hair. It felt good, and he was suddenly glad
that he was now allowed to enjoy the sensation. He probably would have enjoyed
it more if it had been his sun, though.
Time stood still, and it had nothing to do with the German woman’s Innocence.
For long, yawning moments, Lavi relaxed under the light touch of the German
woman, and after a while, he put himself back into his protective stupor, not
caring enough to hear what she was saying.
Then everything was warm, and Lavi’s eye snapped to attention. He sat bolt
upright, his vision swimming, and his eye wandered around the room until it
locked on his sun, who was standing uncertainly at the door, fear still written
plainly on his features. Lavi could recognize it now, because hadn’t he felt it
before? He wasn’t sure, but he knew that was the face Yuu made when he was
afraid. It had only ever happened after one of his nightmares.
His sun’s eyes widened in shock as he took in Lavi’s form, and he looked
horrified, turning green under his beautiful, pale golden skin. He held a hand
to his mouth, and after a moment, retched. Lavi pulled himself from the bed,
knocking the German woman aside to get to his spewing sun. The man had sunk to
his knees and was shaking violently as he dry heaved, all the contents of his
stomach now on Lavi’s floor. Lavi grabbed the man and pulled him into his arms.
His sun stiffened, and Lavi immediately went to move away, but his sun was
still shaking like a leaf in the wind. Under Lavi’s arms, he felt fragile, as
if any sudden movement might break him, extinguishing his flame forever.
Gradually, the man relaxed into the embrace, moving away after his shaking had
stopped. His eyes were alert and careful. Lavi felt a pang of disappointment as
the man moved, immediately missing the contact that had kept him so warm.
He felt an arm on his bicep, and he was pulled up. There was a rank smell, and
Lavi realized that it wasn’t just from the pile of sick on the ground.
“You stink, Baka Usagi,” his sun said, eloquent as ever. Looking past him, he
added, “Miranda, get Darcy.” Miranda blinked owlishly but ran from the room,
returning moments later with the Irishman.
“Darcy, this animal needs to be groomed.” Lavi wasn’t sure whether to be
relieved his sun was feeling better or offended at the insult. He opted for
relieved as the Japanese and Irish Exorcists guided him to the Order’s
facilities.
His sun pushed him into a stall with the Irish Exorcist before turning to
leave. Lavi moaned a bit in the back of his throat without meaning to. He
didn’t want to be left alone with someone as cold as the Irish man.
“Wait, Kanda, where are you going?” The Irish man questioned, holding Lavi back
as he tried to follow his sun.
“To clean up the mess in his room,” Yuu replied shortly. The Irish man looked
at him questioningly, and Yuu shot him a glare. The Irish man gulped and then
locked the door to the changing stall they were in. He divested Lavi of clothes
and carefully led him into the connected shower. Lavi stood listlessly, no
longer caring for the present goings-on. Dimly, he was aware of the other
Exorcist washing the several days of sweat, blood, and tears off of his wearied
body.
The Irish man took a long time, blushing heavily at times, but Lavi barely paid
the slightest amount of attention to the man’s ministrations. His sun wasn’t
there, so no matter how warm the shower, he just couldn’t find any interest in
what was happening to him. As the Irish man shut the water off, Lavi became
aware of a quiet, brushing noise from somewhere else in the bathroom. He heard
a grunt, identifying it immediately with his sun. Without caring about his
state of dress, Lavi used his forearm to unlock the stall and walked out into
the bathroom proper. He saw his sun, dressed in a tight-fitting outfit rather
than his usual Exorcist jacket, and he was glaring into the mirror as he
furiously brushed his teeth. Lavi raised a stitched-up hand in greeting, and as
he hailed the other man, Yuu choked. Spitting the toothpaste from his mouth, he
coughed harshly into the sink before taking a careful sip of tap water.
Hands came from behind, tying something around his waist. “Lavi, you idiot,” he
heard the Irish man say, “put a towel on, for Christ’s sake.” He looked down
and realized that he had, indeed, been naked. He had the presence of mind to
blush at his mistake.
His sun finished whatever he had been doing and turned to Lavi, blushing
heavily. He grabbed Lavi’s right wrist and pulled him from the room, leading
him down the halls and back to his room. Lavi wasn’t sure, but he thought he
heard a derogatory “Baka Usagi,” from his sun. He decided to ignore it.
Upon his return to the room, Yuu rummaged through Lavi’s chest of drawers and
produced a pair of rabbit-patterned boxers. There was a snort of something
close to laughter from Yuu, but other than that, the other man remind as stoic
as ever, averting his eyes as he blushingly handed them to Lavi. Lavi grabbed
them and pretended to be confused, placing them on his head. Yuu, as he looked
back over, glared at him with all the strength of a gale-force windstorm, and
Lavi reluctantly and dejectedly pulled them from his head and put them on.
Yuu’s pale skin was extremely pink at the moment, but he still approached Lavi,
scraping the desk chair next to the bed. Pushing Lavi to the bed gently, he
placed Lavi’s hands in his lap as he sat on the chair. Lavi’s heart sped up for
a moment, and he wasn’t sure why. His sun was a warmth, a comfort, and though
he knew he couldn’t live without it, he didn’t understand why his sun was
making him as nervous and self-conscious as he was. Slowly, lightly, the other
man massaged Lavi’s stitched hands and knuckles. The touch itself was
ghostlike, barely there, and Lavi shivered as a foreign pleasure flowed into
his system. He relaxed, closing his eyes, concentrating on the comforting
feeling of his sun’s hands on his.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: At a loss for words. For some reason, we couldn't stop laughing
     while editing this chapter. Maybe it was the vomit? Or the
     alliteration of spewing sun? (Emily 1 HATED that description, but I
     absolutely felt it necessary to keep it in) Or actually... we really
     enjoyed the "it's not angst, its introspection" line. Hehe ;D
***** Friends *****
Chapter Notes
     Warnings for this chapter: Epiphanies! Evil threats! LATIN! Child
     abuse!
     Disclaimer: We do not in any way, shape, or form condone child abuse.
     It is a horrible thing, and the people who abuse are sick, sick
     fucks. SERIOUSLY READ AT YOUR OWN RISK
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Chapter_8—Friends
July 12, 2013—The Dark Order, Asian Branch
The halls were as familiar to Allen as they had been 117 years ago, when he had
been found, Innocence broken and dying, by Fou, the Guardian Deity of the Asian
Branch and for some reason, so were the people.
“Bak?” He asked, stunned as he looked upon the face of the Exorcist who had
greeted him.
“Bak?” Lenalee asked a moment later, her expression disbelieving. Abruptly,
Allen realized what was wrong. Bak hadn’t been an Exorcist, nor had he been in
his younger twenties. Hadn’t he been nearly thirty?
The Exorcist asked something in Chinese, but Allen blinked. He didn’t know
Chinese. He was immediately thankful that Lenalee had forced her way onto this
mission, because Amanda and Lolek looked just as clueless next to him.
Lenalee responded in the same language, and after a moment, the two Chinese
Exorcists were chattering in their own private language. After a while, Lenalee
turned to Allen.
“This is Bak Chan, the third,” she said. “It looks like his great-grandfather
finally got over me and eventually had kids. I don’t know how that makes him
the third generation Bak, but I imagine someone skipped a generation of the
name. Perhaps it was his father… Anyway, he says the Director of this branch is
out on business, so we’ll have to wait a bit before we can take the Exorcists
back to the Main Branch.”
Allen nodded in acknowledgment. “Can you tell him to find a place to put us,
and we’ll get to know the Exorcists as they come back from their missions.”
Lenalee nodded and turned to the Chinese Exorcist.
They were placed in four separate rooms, but Allen knew he and Lenalee wouldn’t
be sleeping separately. The only time she had left his side was when she was
looking after Lavi, and he had been there for most of that time anyway. He was
immensely grateful, as he wasn’t sure how strong he still was, and he couldn’t
take much more of the Noah of Music singing in his head, anyway. After getting
situated, Allen and Lenalee meandered down the halls of the Asian Branch,
trying to get her used to the place again. Allen knew that she’d been there
before, but she had been very young at the time, and her memories were marred
by the death of her parents and the separation from her brother. They walked
close together, and without realizing it, they began to hold hands. Allen’s
heart surged happily the entire time, and he felt far giddier than he had since
Mana had died.
He tensed and his step faltered as he felt an arm snake around his neck. He
jumped at the voice in his ear, soft but menacing.
“What, pray tell, are you doing with my sister?” Lolek whispered.
Allen jumped, a shiver running down his spine. He knew full well that Lolek
disliked him. Violently. And the man had suddenly become very brotherly toward
Lenalee, making Allen wonder if he was Komui reincarnated—or at least
channeling the dead man.
“Oh, Lolek!” Lenalee exclaimed, and she gave him a one-armed hug, not letting
go of Allen’s hand, effectively putting the three of them in a triangle
formation. Noting the man’s dangerous expression, she added, “what’s wrong?”
Immediately, her face scrunched with worry, and Allen wanted nothing more than
to smooth it out again.
Lolek cleared his throat and pointed at their joined hands. In an instant,
Lenalee and Allen had sprung apart, both blushing from head to foot.
“I – I’m sorry, Allen! I didn’t even realize – I hope you don’t mind! I’m
sorry!” Lenalee shouted, looking horrified.
“Me too! I’m sorry, Lenalee. I didn’t mean to make you—”
“Oh, no, the fault’s all mine!”
Beside them, Lolek chuckled, muttering something about Miranda, but in his
haste to apologize to Lenalee, he missed it.
“Anyway, Lolek, it’s okay, because I love Allen!” Lenalee said brightly. Allen
blushed deeply, and he suddenly realized that he wanted to hear those words
again.
“What?” Lolek and Allen said simultaneously, though the former’s exclamation
had been in German.
“Yes, Allen’s my best friend!” Lenalee said, blushing as she realized her
mistake. Allen felt a bit disappointed, but he tried his best to hide it. Lolek
shot him an understanding look, and Allen knew he had failed. At least the
Polish man seemed to have calmed, though. He thanked God for small blessings.
“Ah, sorry, Allen. My bad.” Lolek said, hugging the smaller boy into his broad
chest.
“…Allen?”
Allen froze. He knew that voice. He knew it as well as Lenalee’s or his
Master’s or Mana’s. It was the voice of the one who had helped him restore his
Innocence. His face broke out into a wide grin. Sure enough, as he looked over,
he saw the red-haired, purple-outfitted Guardian Deity of the Asian Branch.
“Fou!” He shouted, running from the awkward situation to greet his longtime
friend.
“Allen!” She shouted, running toward him as well. At the last second, she
jumped, and Allen was suddenly thrown back as her foot met his face. He flew
past Lenalee and Lolek, who stared on in utter shock, and he went sprawling on
the ground. “How ya doin’?” She walked up to him, offering one of her overlarge
hands.
“I was fine until you kicked my face in,” Allen said weakly before blacking
out.
---
He awoke with a start, breath coming in an audible gasp. The room was dark, and
Allen mentally floundered for a moment, trying to catch his mind up with what
had happened. Lenalee sighed next to him, and he looked down in shock. He was
dressed in simple, Chinese-style pajamas on a soft bed with silk sheets. They
were far more comfortable than the 150-count sheets he had grown used to at the
Main Branch. The comfort itself was almost enough to draw him back into sleep,
but something about how sweet and innocent Lenalee’s form seemed kept him from
submitting. Her features were so soft, carrying none of the constant worry that
marred them during the day. He knew he had placed a lot of those worries on
her, and he felt a surge of guilt for it. He pulled the girl tighter to him,
and she snuggled deeper into his arms.
Epiphany came quickly, connections clicking abruptly into place. I’m in love
with Lenalee, he thought to himself. But he couldn’t tell her. He had known for
a while that his chances of survival in this war were slim to none, and though
he would continue to keep walking forward, as he had promised Mana, he would
never do a thing to hurt Lenalee. He knew that Lenalee would be destroyed at
his death if their relationship got any deeper. She had been devastated the
first time she had thought him dead. He couldn’t do that to her again, ever. He
wasn’t even sure she would be able to survive his death now, with their
explicitly trusting friendship. He knew that he was the only one who had been
able to keep her going toward the end of the war, what with so many dying,
Exorcist and Finder alike. If they became anything more—Allen refused to name
that relationship for fear he would lose his resolve—Lenalee would die along
with him, and that was the one thing he could never stand.
He sighed soulfully and lowered his head, placing a kiss on the crown of
Lenalee’s head. Her hair smelled like orchids, and Allen breathed it in like a
drunkard inhaled alcohol. Lenalee’s scent reminded him of spring, just as the
girl did. There was no real explanation for it, just one of those irrational
thoughts that sprung to his mind. If he had to put a song to her, it would be
one of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons violin concerto, “Spring.” It was so… perfect for
her. “I love you,” he sighed against her hair, pulling her ever closer. She
moaned lightly in her sleep, tightening her arms around Allen for a moment.
Allen felt the grasping fingers of sleep pulling him in, and this time he did
not resist. His dream, as so many of his, contained music, but it was Vivaldi’s
“Spring,” and all around him was a gentle breeze ushering in the scent of the
orchids that surrounded him.
---
July 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Asian Branch
It was the screaming that woke him up. He looked out the window to see the sun
high in the sky. He was surprised he had slept that long; he usually only slept
till eight or nine at the latest. Next to him, Lenalee turned so she was facing
Allen as she had been the previous night, and Allen grabbed her in his arms
without thinking, leaning his head down to smell her orchid hair again. The
screaming began again, and Allen cursed softly as Lenalee stirred again,
opening her eyes against his bare chest. He felt the eyelashes tickling at his
skin and suppressed a shiver.
“Allen?” Lenalee asked, pulling back so she could see him properly. Allen
resisted the urge to bring his lips down on hers, instead pulling her into
their ritual morning embrace. He smiled as her scent wafted up to his nose
again.
Their door burst open. They blinked, and then jumped apart. Lenalee darted out
of bed, throwing her shoes on as Allen activated the Crowned Clown.
“Hide me here,” said the intruder, closing the door as quietly as he spoke.
Allen looked at Lenalee, and they both blinked, not comprehending the
situation. “Please,” the young man said. Allen placed him as only a few years
older than he was, and from the pigmentation of the man’s skin, Allen knew at
once that he was Indian. Reluctantly, Allen nodded, unconsciously slipping an
arm around Lenalee’s warm waist.
“VIKRAM MAITRA, IF YOU DO NOT SHOW YOURSELF THIS INSTANT, SO HELP ME, I’LL
CASTRATE YOU WITH A SPOON!”
The Indian boy went very, very pale and backed up from the door, his mouth open
in horror.
“What did you do?” Lenalee asked quietly, moving from Allen’s side to usher the
boy into the adjoined closet.
“Er…” The boy said, his eyes shifting from side to side. He tripped into the
closet, exposing his buttocks as he fell. Allen took a double take. Coming from
the low waist-band of the Indian boy’s pants was a very long, braided … tail?
The Indian boy looked horror-struck and pulled it into the closet behind him,
shutting the door with a small snivel. Allen decided delicately not to ask.
Lenalee apparently shared his mindset and backed off until her back was to
Allen’s stomach. He wrapped his arms around her as was his habit.
“VIKRAM, IF YOU DON’T GIVE ME MY HAIR BACK, BY GOD, I’LL MAKE IT SO THAT YOU
WILL NEVER WALK AGAIN!”
Lenalee turned to stare, shocked, into Allen’s eyes. The “Vikram” in question
sniveled loudly, and this time, the door was blown off its hinges, slapping
into the wall and cracking it in half. A small, middle-aged woman stood in its
place, holding a spear larger than her by a good third of a meter. It was a
silvery-gray staff that ended in three, Innocence-glowing prongs. Allen
recognized it as a dangpa, a traditional Korean weapon. The sliding door to the
closet quivered with Vikram’s vibratious shaking.
The woman didn’t notice the shaking, but her eyes locked on the closet door the
second a tiny whimper emerged from it.
“I’m sorry,” she said, sparing Allen and Lenalee a glance. “I don’t mean to
barge in like this, but I have an Exorcist to castrate.” She pulled a spoon
threateningly from her back pocket. Lenalee gasped. Allen crossed his legs
slightly.
The woman strode over to the closet door and pulled it open, grabbing its
occupant from it in one fluid motion.
“Choon-yei! Forgive me, please! I’m so sorry!” Vikram bawled, tears and snot
falling from his face. If the situation hadn’t been so grave, Allen would have
laughed. It was just like Kanda and Lavi, only infinitely scarier. After all,
Kanda never threatened to castrate the redhead, and Allen had a sneaking
suspicion that this woman meant business.
“Oh, you don’t know the meaning of ‘sorry’ yet, boy,” she said, using her
Innocence to hold him to the wall as she half-pulled, half-ripped the pants
from the boy. Allen opened his mouth in silent horror. Lenalee pulled herself
from his arms, and within an instant, she was between the two fighting
Exorcists, arms on both of their chests.
“Stop it. As a General, I order you two to cease this senseless bickering!”
Lenalee shouted firmly. Allen thought it was a bit comical, as Lenalee was a
good half meter shorter than Vikram and clad only in a light silk nightgown
that only came halfway down her thighs. Her boots were only half on, and she
couldn’t have done less to stop the fight if she tried, given her current
condition. Still, the Asian Exorcists stopped, Vikram with a gulp, and looked
speculatively at Lenalee.
“I know of no Chinese General,” the woman said harshly. Lenalee’s eyes flashed
with hurt, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared.
“You wouldn’t have. I’ve only been awake for a bit over a month now, but I’m
sure you’ve heard of my companion, Allen Walker.” She gestured to Allen, and
the two other Exorcists stared at him, mouths dropped to the floor.
Then, Vikram made a squeaking noise and scuttled over to Allen, throwing
himself at his right leg.
“Allen Walker, save me! I love you! Please save me!” The young man clung ever
tighter to his leg, and Allen felt his foot begin to go numb.
Allen swallowed hard.
“Er, could you please get off of me? You’re limiting my mobility,” he responded
absently. He really, really did not want to deal with this situation. The woman
looked offended.
“Alright, deactivate your Innocence, please, er…?” Lenalee said, though she
paused at the name.
“Choon-yei Lang,” the wizened woman supplied, and Lenalee continued on.
“We need to know what precipitated this event.” She turned to the sniffling
Exorcist, who was still on the ground at Allen’s feet, though he had mercifully
let go of his leg.
The boy looked up, his face a mess, and he stretched out his left arm. “Look
what she did!” He shouted. Allen took a look.
“Er, why is there a band-aid on your prayer beads?” Allen asked incredulously.
“They’re not prayer beads—well, they are, but they’re my Innocence!” The boy
cried. Fresh tears running down his face. Allen wasn’t sure if they were fake
or not, but then he remembered his own time in the Asian Branch and figured the
young man had been very distressed at the injury to his Innocence. Allen
himself had no reason to judge—hadn’t he cried himself when he’d thought his
Innocence destroyed and his path forever blocked from him? Allen felt his face
relaxing as he pulled the other Exorcist to his feet.
“I barely scratched them,” the woman scoffed, reminding Allen eerily of Kanda.
“Lies! They went rolling all over the floor! It took me four hours to find them
all!”
“You could have just activated it.”
“Don’t mock me, woman!” He collapsed to the floor again, clutching his left
arm. “I wasn’t sure if it would activate, BROKEN as it was!” The boy sobbed
once, tears pouring from his face. Allen thought that perhaps that was getting
a bit excessive, but he still leaned down to pick the other Exorcist up, this
time holding the young man in place, so he would not fall again.
“And that made you want to cut off all my hair, the hair I’ve been
painstakingly growing since I was five!?” The woman shouted back, her voice as
sharp as the points on her dangpa, which, Allen noted in distress, was
activated again. Reaching out with his clawed left hand, he grabbed the
Innocence and pulled it from the woman’s hand. He kept his right hand over the
young man’s prayer beads.
“It was revenge!” Vikram shouted back.
“This tiff is over,” Allen said firmly. “The first incident sounds like a
complete accident, which puts you in the wrong, Vikram Maitra. On the other
hand, by pulling your Innocence so violently against another Exorcist, you,
too, are in the wrong, Choon-yei Lang. You will both apologize to each other,
and you will both be punished for your rash actions. Ms. Lang, you will assist
the efforts to repair Vikram’s Innocence, and Vikram, you will return the
lady’s hair to her. I will think up a fitting punishment for you later, after I
eat. I’m about to starve to death.” The long, echoing rumble that followed was
testament to that fact. At that moment, though, another woman strode
purposefully into the room.
“Vikram, Choon-yei! There you are! I’ve been looking for you. I just got back,
and apparently there are two Generals from the Main Branch who are coming to
bring us back with them.” The woman, who was obviously Japanese and also very
pretty, blinked as she saw the two Generals in question in their bedclothes,
obviously in the middle of stopping a fight.
“Emiko-chan!” Vikram said, tears damming immediately. He wiped his nose on his
arm—Allen fought the urge to kick him for his disgusting habit—and ran up to
the other woman. Allen realized she was wearing an Exorcist jacket, and he
mentally reviewed his list of active Exorcists. There were four in the Asian
Branch, three in the American, and one whose father had worked in the
Australian Branch until he’d discovered his compatibility with his Innocence
and became an apprentice—Allen had met him already at the Main Branch. Then, in
the Main Branch, there were five, and the South American Branch held two. They
had all of the Exorcists they needed from this branch, so he figured that
perhaps they could leave without the go-ahead of the Director. He thought a
phone call would suffice.
“Hey, Vikram! What’s going on? And why does Choon-yei have no hair?”
“It still goes to her chin. I didn’t cut that much off,” the Indian man said,
sticking his tongue out jokingly.
“You’re horrible,” Emiko responded.
Allen paid them no attention, instead grabbing his General’s jacket and his
small bag of toiletries. He saw Lenalee do the same, and in silent consensus,
they slipped from the room. They wouldn’t be missed.
---
July 16, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
After he had been bathed by Darcy, Lavi had switched into a persona Yuu did not
know. Lavi seemed to always be spouting random facts, and his never ending
chatter was dense with knowledge. Yuu didn’t know if he considered this to be
an improvement or not. An intellectual Lavi was certainly better than the idiot
he usually had to put up with, but at least the mindless chatter had been easy
to ignore. The things Lavi talked about made Yuu acutely aware of the vast
intelligence of the man in front of him, and he began to feel a grudging
respect for the stupid rabbit. The only problem was that the intellectual Lavi
liked to speak a lot in Latin, very rarely switching back to English or
Japanese. He even spoke in Russian for a day and a half, and Yuu had the
distinct impression Lavi was doing it just to annoy him. The doctor had said
some sort of rubbish about picking a language that was best suited to him, and
Yuu had scoffed at that. If Lavi chose a language Yuu couldn’t understand, he
would have to flay him.
“…And in that way, the apple in Paradise Lost can really be seen as a metaphor
for the sufferings of all men caused by a single mistake.”
Yes, he was having roasted rabbit for dinner tonight.
He wanted to tell the man to shut up, but he feared any snide comment would
break Lavi—or worse, throw him back into that apathetic despondence that had
claimed him for weeks. Shaking with anger, he tried to ignore it as the other
Exorcist switched back to Latin once more. As they passed Director Smith in the
hallway, Lavi had chuckled a little and muttered something to Yuu that he
couldn’t understand.
“Pax Dómini sit semper vobís cum,” Lavi sang solemnly as he approached the
burly man. Smith blinked, looking shocked, and his mouth hung open a little.
“Er, et cum spíritu tuo,” the man said back, though the way he intoned it
sounded to Yuu as if it were merely a response formed from habit.
This was the second time Yuu had taken Lavi from his room for a walk down the
halls. It was obvious to anyone who looked on that he was not the same Lavi he
had been, and Yuu was immensely glad they were not in their own time period, as
he wasn’t sure Lavi would have survived all the pitying stares. Thankfully, no
one of this time, with the exception of Amanda and Darcy, knew him well enough
to really judge his behavior. If their positions had been reversed, Yuu didn’t
think he’d be able to stand the reaction from the others. They were too
pitying. It was obvious something was wrong with Lavi, even if they didn’t know
him, and he wished the stupid science men and Finders would leave them the fuck
alone. Lavi was under enough stress as it was.
Yuu blinked. Why was he acting like he cared? He didn’t, dammit, and he never
would, because caring meant that you could be hurt, and being hurt was
unacceptable, because it always led to something else. Always. His heart was
beating faster in his chest, and he took a calming breath as Lavi returned,
eyes dancing merrily with laughter. There was a smile on his face, and though
it was small, it was one of the few genuine smiles Yuu had ever seen on the
other man’s face. It made his heart clench a little bit—a very, very miniscule
bit—that the other man could only smile properly when he wasn’t really “Lavi.”
Of course, he was starting to realize that Lavi was just what the other man
called himself now. He had mentioned it in one of his intellectual rants, the
one that had included a very detailed description of the sun. Yuu still didn’t
understand what the man was talking about whenever he mentioned that star, but
it seemed to have some importance to him, so Yuu kept it in mind.
He pulled Lavi back into the younger Exorcist’s room and allowed the man to sit
cheerfully at his desk writing who-knew-what on any surface that would stay
still long enough. His desk was full of scribbles, ones that Yuu was forced to
scrub off each night after the other man had fallen asleep.
“Lavi,” he growled as he noted the fine Arabic script on the paper, “pick a
language and stick with it. It’s infuriating when you switch in the middle of a
perfectly coherent conversation.”
Lavi froze and looked at Yuu, horror-struck.
“You don’t understand what I’m saying?” He asked, thankfully in English.
“Not when you don’t speak English or Japanese,” Yuu ground out, forcing himself
to let his jaw relax.
“Oh.” Lavi’s eye went wide and then, all of a sudden, the intellectual persona
was gone. It was as if Lavi was his true self, if only for just a moment. The
intellectual persona snapped back into place, and Lavi added, “you’re right. I
should keep a language or two as my dominant ones, keeping the others in
reserve for when they’re needed. I think I’ll choose English and Japanese.
They’re both fun to speak.” The intellectual persona flickered, and in that
moment, Lavi spoke again. “And besides, it’s not fun when my sun can’t
understand me.”
Yuu didn’t want to think about what that meant, so he scoffed and let Lavi’s
intellectual persona fizzle out on its own.
---
August 5, 2013—The Dark Order, North American Branch
They had not left the Asian Branch for two weeks after meeting the Asian
Exorcists. It wasn’t for lack of trying—both Lenalee and Allen had called the
Director numerous times to give them permission to leave, but the Director had
not allowed it. They had allowed Amanda and Lolek to go on a quick local
extermination mission with Bak, but other than that, none of them had had
anything to do, and each member of their growing party had been relieved when
the Director had returned and allowed them to move on.
Upon their arrival at the American Branch, they had been told that none of the
three Exorcists were in residence. The third, a young, twelve-year-old girl,
was at the Main Branch as an apprentice to Cyrah Kabbah. A week had passed, and
still, none of them had appeared. Allen was starting to thoroughly hate this
mission. Nothing happened, and the waiting was simply excruciating. He walked
down the tiled halls with Lenalee. The two of them had sent the rest of the
Exorcists back to the Main Branch, as the Americans were taking too long to get
back from their mission. True, they were in Washington, D.C. and the other
Exorcists were in Oregon, but still, Allen thought, they could at least take an
airplane. Like they had done. Allen suppressed a shiver. His ears had hurt so
badly that he hadn’t been able to pay attention to his surroundings, a grievous
thing for a General. None of the Exorcists had done well on the airplane. After
all, if Akuma were on it, they would likely destroy the plane, killing everyone
aboard. No one’s Innocence would have been able to save them from that—they
were simply too high in the air.
“Allen,” Lenalee said softly, grabbing his attention. “It’s nearly suppertime,
shall we go?”
Becoming aware of his suddenly aching stomach, Allen nodded emphatically. They
walked down the too-white hallways to the cafeteria and got in line behind a
sandy-haired man. Allen noted he was missing his right hand, and it was
cauterized with a gray material. Not caring about the older man’s reaction,
Allen reached out and grabbed it, inspecting it. Sure enough, a light green
cross spread across the gray plating.
“You’re an Exorcist,” he said conversationally, ignoring the man’s scandalized
look.
“Yes, now unhand me,” the man said coldly.
Allen activated his left arm, which was holding the man’s right. “I am too. I
believe we’ve been searching for you for quite a bit. Why don’t we sit down
together and talk?” He smiled up at the man, who ripped his stump from Allen’s
grip. However, he waited until Allen and Lenalee had trays of food before
leading them to a table.
“You’re the new Generals, eh?” He asked, shoving a large forkful of food into
his mouth as Allen did the same. Both ate ravenously for a while as Lenalee
spoke.
“Yes. We were sent from the Main Branch to round up all the Exorcists
worldwide. Due to the Earl’s recent movements, it is believed that the
remaining part of the war will be in Europe. There will be extermination
missions back to your branches should they be needed, but we believe that the
Akuma population is also migrating to Europe. We must have our entire force
together. We are only twenty-three in number, and though that is a veritable
force, when placed against the Noah, countless Akuma, and the Earl himself, we
are nothing. We are no longer doing any good divided. Or at least, that’s what
the Vatican believes. You and your comrade, who I assume is here—?” the man
nodded. “—will follow us to the South American Branch, where we’ll pick up the
remaining two Exorcists. Then, we’ll return to Headquarters and begin to plan
for the rest of the war.”
At that moment, a solemn, Native American man silently placed his tray next to
the Canadian’s and sat down. Allen gave him a curious look before going back to
his food, but the man ate silently, listening to Lenalee and the other North
American Branch Exorcist as they talked about the details of the war.
“I never did catch your name,” Lenalee said as she took her last bite of pie.
“Oh, I’m Michel Benoit,” the man said belatedly. He offered his left hand, and
Lenalee shook it.
“You’re a parasitic type, I assume?” She asked, though Allen knew full well
that she knew the answer. It had been on their list of Exorcist information,
after all. However, he had the vague suspicion that she was only asking to be
polite.
“Yes. My right hand got cut off when I was in my mid-twenties, and one day, I
was at Home Depot, buying myself a chainsaw, when the cashier turned into an
Akuma. I think it was a level two. Anyway, my arm started glowing and hurting,
and the chainsaw just sort of attached to it. Before I knew what was happening,
it just started up, and I was cutting the Akuma to shreds. It blew up half the
store. I ran out of there before I had to pay for the chainsaw, and after a few
days, this guy—” he pointed at the stoic Native American, “—showed up, telling
me I was compatible with some shit called ‘Innocence,’ and that I was going to
be an ‘Exorcist.’ Next thing I knew, I was here at the North American Branch. I
got picked up by a General, and ever since then, I’ve been slaying Akuma. Of
course, I’m very glad I had been buying a chainsaw, because according to
Director Smith, it could have been anything. Imagine me with a fork stuck to my
arm. Real useful, eh? It could’ve been something a bit cooler, though. I’d have
liked to have been called Captain Hook or something if I’d had a hook attached
to my right hand. But no, I just constantly get referred to as Ash.” He looked
sullenly down at his tray, which was now empty. The man next to him snorted but
showed no other outward signs of amusement.
“Ash?” Lenalee asked, curious. Allen leaned forward a bit, wanting to hear the
explanation as well.
“It’s from a movie,” the man said, grabbing his tray and walking off.
Another snort came from the impassive man. Allen shifted his gaze to him,
waiting for the other man to say something.
“Ash doesn’t mind it at all,” he said in a deep, accented voice. He said
nothing further and ate something whose scent Allen couldn’t place. He frowned
and restrained himself from asking for a bite.
---
August 5, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lavi wasn’t there when Yuu awoke. Somehow—and Yuu didn’t want to understand how
it had happened—they had ended up sleeping next to each other under Lavi’s
warm, green blankets. Yuu vaguely remembered falling asleep in a great tangle
of limbs that kept him far warmer than he could ever remember being.
But Lavi was gone, and Yuu felt colder at that moment than he should have.
Because he shouldn’t be feeling any warmth in the other man’s presence. It was
wrong. Not to mention, he hadn’t been warm since that day when he was five—
Yuu shook his head. This was not the time to be thinking about unnecessary
things. Lavi was missing, and he had no idea where the stupid redheaded mutt
could be. Unbidden, panic clenched his heart, and it took a moment of forced
meditation to make that sensation stop.
Activating Mugen, he ran from the room, acting on the panic that, dammit, he
had just repressed. He ran all of five steps before realizing that he was only
clad in boxers. Running back and thanking every deity he could think of that no
one had seen him, Yuu threw on the first pair of pants he could find. He didn’t
even care that they belonged to the stupid rabbit or that they were too long
and baggy to be comfortable. He rushed from the room again, gripping the hilt
of his chokuto in a failed attempt to calm his racing heart. He had to find
Lavi. The man had changed personas once more, spending an inordinately long
amount of time as a shy, timid man who could barely face the outside world
alone. Yuu was worried for the mental stability of that particular persona. It
wouldn’t take much for the other man to be driven to do something awful.
He didn’t look where he was headed, just ran, eyes peeled for any sign of the
other man. He didn’t notice Darcy in the hall until he was on the floor,
pinning the Irishman to the ground. They both coughed at the force of the
impact, and Yuu had the good sense to roll off the other man, hitting the stone
floor with a grunt.
“Ooof,” Darcy groaned, holding his stomach as he tried to take deep breaths.
“Watch where you’re going,” Yuu bit out coldly, heaving himself up and grabbing
Mugen’s hilt again.
“I could say the same of you,” Darcy choked out, coughing again from having the
wind knocked out of him. “What the hell were you doing gamboling down the
corridor like that?”
Yuu sighed deeply, though it ended with a small cough. “Looking for Lavi. The
idiot ran off, and I can’t find him.”
“Oh, I saw him a couple hours ago, walking into a room by the library,” Darcy
said, pulling himself to his feet and dusting himself off. The man turned and
began to stride off.
“Wait.” Yuu’s eyes widened. Hadn’t they been awake past midnight? He’d heard
the other man mumble something incoherent but that had ended with “Bookman.”
Darcy stopped walking away, turning back to face Yuu. “What?”
“What day is it?” Yuu asked, his voice coming out in some horrified version of
its usual icy tone.
“Er, the fifth, right?” Darcy replied. “Why?”
Urgency gripped Yuu like an iron rod. “Did Lavi do or say anything strange when
you saw him?” He didn’t know why his voice sounded so urgent, and he cursed
himself for it. Even worse was the fact that he currently had his hands
fastened around the other man’s biceps. He must have looked ridiculous. And
worried. But DAMN IT ALL. He. Was. Not.
The Irish Exorcist looked taken aback at Yuu’s words, but he replied
nonetheless. “Er, he did look a bit different, now that you mention it. Almost…
I don’t know, emo?”
Yuu blinked in confusion. “Nani?” Yuu asked shortly. Thankfully, the other man
seemed to understand what he meant, as he went on.
“Emo is like… well, it’s a type of music, but now it’s used to refer to people
who are… like, angst-ridden, shy, introverted… depressed, really. It’s usually
associated with things like self-injury or suicide--”
Yuu didn’t listen to the rest, dashing off in the direction of what had been
Bookman and Lavi’s room. He ran past a shocked Lolek and a scandalized-looking
Miranda. He barely registered which hallways he passed through, his mind on one
specific goal: get to Lavi.
He threw open the door, huffing from the exertion, and froze. Lavi was lying
despondently on Bookman’s bed. That wasn’t what had made him stop, though. Lavi
was on his side, his heavily-scarred hands outstretched above his head. Though
they could barely grasp it, his hands gently held a letter opener. He was
staring transfixed at it as if it was the most interesting object in the world.
He spun it lightly, round and round, idly pricking at his skin here and there.
Yuu gulped. Emo. Self-injury. Suicide. And that awful, uncaring and soulless
face Lavi was making. Yuu didn’t care. He didn’t. But for some reason, the idea
of Lavi being hurt or dead cut him deeply, like his father’s knife had. He ran
over to Lavi, quick as he could, and threw the thing from the other man’s
grasp, not caring about the painful whimper that action elicited.
Lavi grimaced up at him and stretched out his hands as if to try to do Yuu some
type of injury, and Yuu did the only thing he could think of: he pinned Lavi
down to the bed, one hand to each of the redhead’s wrists, putting his full
weight on the taller man.
“Yamero,” he hissed through clenched teeth. Lavi’s eye widened for a fraction
of a second, but then it was back to how it had been.
“My sun,” Lavi whispered, and then a tear streaked down his face from his
visible eye.
Yuu froze. How had he not realized it before? Lavi had mentioned it so often.
He had mentioned so many things about that “sun” of his, and he had never
understood it. But the way he put it now made it absolutely clear. He, Kanda
Yuu, was Lavi’s sun, the thing Lavi said was keeping him warm. He was very sure
that “warm” equated to “sane,” and that distressed him. Far more than it
distressed him, however, it made him feel very warm himself. His chest was
nearly bursting with some emotion that, damn him, he wasn’t supposed to be
feeling.
“I’m here,” he said, his voice low, cracking for some unknown reason. Kuso, he
thought. Why am I caring? Because that’s what it was, that feeling in his
chest. Somehow—and he had no idea how, when, or why—he had come to care for the
baka usagi under him. And for some reason, he didn’t seem to mind it as much as
he’d thought he would.
---
It didn’t take him long to come to his senses. He couldn’t care for anyone. It
hurt too damn much, and he’d given up on it years ago. He pushed himself
away—when had they started embracing?—forcing himself to back up as quickly as
humanly possible. His gaze went everywhere, searching, searching for a way out
of this situation. He cared for Lavi. That was irrevocable. It was truth, it
was solid fact. He couldn’t take it back, as much as he wanted to. But he could
still keep the other man from knowing, because Lavi didn’t need to know.
He heard a sleepy grunt—had Lavi fallen asleep? Had Yuu?—and then a voice
emerged. “Yuu?” Lavi asked, his voice heavy, thick.
Yuu backed out of the room, eyes wide with alarm. Lavi couldn’t know. No one
could know, because Yuu was stone. He was icy, and he was solid. He was
unfeeling, a non-living entity. He didn’t do such human, such living, things
like care. He could keep his secret—no one would ever need to know that he did.
He turned as he left the room and ran back to Lavi’s. He’d meant to go to his
own room, but Lavi would return eventually, and he would probably be as
nonfunctional as before. Yuu cared, and he would probably do just about
anything to make sure Lavi was alright.
Sure enough, five minutes later, Lavi came stumbling into the room, thankfully
without the letter opener.
“Yuu, why’d you run away?” He asked. This persona was different than the one
he’d had for the past three weeks. It was partly “Lavi,” but it held a
curiosity in its tone that was completely out of character for the bright,
cheery persona. It was quieter as well, and Yuu wondered if this was the next
Lavi he’d be dealing with.
“Che,” he said, turning his head away so as not to make eye contact. He didn’t
want to respond to Lavi’s question, because if he did, he knew he’d tell the
truth, and that was unbearable.
“Are you okay?” Lavi asked, moving until he was uncomfortably close. Yuu
stiffened at the proximity and had to force himself to relax. Lavi wasn’t going
to hurt him. He would never do anything of the sort. Yuu breathed in deeply and
backed up until Lavi was at least a meter from him.
Lavi’s eye held something strange, an emotion Yuu had never seen in it.
“Why are you backing away? Did I do something wrong?” Lavi’s voice cracked, and
a pitiful tear fell from behind the eye patch.
“Tch.” Was that all he could say? Why couldn’t he bluster his way out of this
situation, just as he always had.
“Yuu, why won’t you answer me?” There was a sob in Lavi’s throat.
“Che.” Really, he was getting rather repetitive.
“Yuu, please, please, tell me what I did! I can’t fix it if I don’t know what
it is. How did I hurt you?” Lavi’s voice was pleading, holding some intangible
hurt that floored Yuu. His eye was desperate and teary, and his face was so
horrifyingly pitiful that Yuu wasn’t aware that he had moved until his arms
were wrapped tightly around Lavi.
“It’s nothing you did, baka,” he murmured into the other man’s neck, and he was
revolted to note that tears were leaking from his own eyes.
Yuu hadn’t cried since he was ten, since the time Tiedoll had taken him in. He
held Lavi like a lifeline, trying to stop the incriminating tears from making
tracks down his face. He was vaguely aware that Lavi had wrapped his own arms
around his waist. He just needed to stay still and stop those damn tears from
flowing like he was some… girl.
He felt proud of himself. His father hadn’t even tried to enter his mother’s
room for a whole week. Perhaps his presence was actually doing some good. Maybe
it was the fact he was now eight years old or the fact that his father seemed
to be going lighter on the sake, but it all equated to the same thing: his
mother had not been hurt for an entire week. She was good at hiding her pain,
but now that Yuu knew what to look for—that small tightness at the corner of
her eyes, the small hitches in her breaths when she stood up or sat down, the
very slight winces she gave whenever Yuu touched a tender spot—he understood
just how good of a relief the past week had been for her.
All pride fell away like water into a drain when he heard the front door slam
open. Alcohol reeked like an aura around the foul man as he approached, and
Yuu’s eyes widened in real fear as the man grabbed him bodily and threw him
into the kitchen.
“Your filthy hair is too long again, Yuu-chan,” his father said, and Yuu heard
the sound of metal against wood as the man pulled out the usual knife. Yuu
squeezed his eyes shut in preparation for the horrible pain that would follow.
“Open your eyes. Take it like a man,” his father growled, grabbing Yuu’s short
locks in his overlarge hand. He pulled the knife uncaringly through Yuu’s hair.
Yuu whimpered, a tear falling from his right eye, as the knife caught his ear,
slicing partway through the cartilage. The man stopped his motions and grabbed
Yuu’s jaw with bruising force.
“Oh, I’ll give you something to fuckingcryabout, Yuu-chan. If you’re gonna be a
girl, there better be a good reason for it.” The man slipped from his view, and
Yuu let out a small, relieved breath. He knew something worse was coming, as
that invariably happened after such a comment, but for now, he was simply glad
the hair-cutting knife was gone. He was surprised his hair could still grow,
but he thanked his higher deities that it still did.
There was more metal on wood, but the quality was longer, as was the duration.
Yuu’s heart stopped for a moment, fear dripping into his stomach and chest like
an icy beverage. He gasped as his father slunk back into view, carrying a
tomato knife. Yuu shrank back into himself in terror. His father threw him back
on the kitchen table, where he’d been sitting, and pointed the knife at Yuu’s
face.
“Since you wanted something to cry about, I’ll give it to you, ne, Yuu-chan?”
He wore a sick, gruesome smile that promised a lifetime of agony. Swiftly, the
man sliced down, going from Yuu’s collar bone down to pelvis, cutting through
hisjinbei.Yuu tried to stifle his small whine of pain as the double-pronged
serrated knife slid through his skin. Another tear fell from his eye, and a
third one joined it a moment later at the other side of his face.
His father opened the top of hisjinbei, spreading it until Yuu felt cool air
touch his chest. He shivered, more in fear than in actual cold, but he froze
the second he felt the blade on the left side of his stomach. Pain.
Screams—were they his? They couldn’t be, he wasn’t allowed.
Hot, burning, scorching pain inched its way sickeningly slowly up in a curve to
his ribs. Yuu shouted, his scream becoming a guttural screech as the serrated
blade sawed at his ribcage. The cold metal of the blade left his skin, but the
pain remained, and Yuu looked down, horror-struck, at his stomach. His skin was
flayed and uneven, ensuring a large, deep scar. He drew in a sharp breath and
winced as he saw his stomach muscles move underneath. A wave of nausea engulfed
him at the pools of blood sheeting down like a waterfall from his open, gaping
wound. He looked at his ribs and felt bile pool at the back of his throat. He
choked on it, unable to swallow it back down. He could see his first two ribs
clearly, despite the blood, and they had a deep fissure in them. White hot pain
emanated from that area and Yuu fought against the unconscious oblivion his
body was trying to force him into. He couldn’t faint—he couldn’t. If he did,
what was to say he would ever wake up again? In the back of his mind, he felt
the tears pouring out of his eyes at the same fast pace of the blood from his
stomach and the cries and whimpers of pain as he tried to ride it out. He heard
a laugh, a sick, maniacal laugh, above him, and he looked in its direction. He
saw his father with a sickeningly large smile as he giggled over his pain-
ridden son. Yuu decided at that moment that he would never cry again. He would
never give that man the pleasure of seeing it.
He didn’t know how hard it would be to keep that promise.
---
August 5, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
He was number three. Number three was “shy and curious.” Number three was a bit
emotional, but he was a good kid. His name was Thomas. Lavi wasn’t quite sure
if that was what he wanted, but he needed something with emotion, so he went
right away for his least objective persona.
His sun was pushing away from him, a strange, panicked look in his eyes. He ran
away, and Lavi felt stricken. What had he done? He looked around and felt a
harpoon shoot through his heart as he recognized the room. Why had he gone to
Bookman’s room? Then he remembered that today was Bookman’s birthday. He
remembered vaguely another persona taking him here, but the persona hadn’t been
one of his forty-nine. It had been repressed in the back of his Bookman Corner,
and now he was back there. Thankfully, Lavi couldn’t feel him, so he pulled
himself up, hating that he could barely move his hands, and walked slowly back
to his room.
He got to his room without incident and was both relieved and happy to note his
sun was in there. But his sun had run away, and Lavi wanted—needed—to know why.
“Yuu,” he said softly, “why’d you run away?” He questioned, stepping forward a
bit.
“Che.” Yuu turned his head away. Lavi stumbled forward until he was only
centimeters from the other man.
“Are you okay?” Lavi asked as he moved. His sun stiffened, and Lavi felt his
heart clench in a sudden depression. He barely noticed Yuu relaxing himself,
muscle by muscle; he was concentrating too hard on keeping the tears at bay. He
did, however, notice Yuu backing up, and his heart gave another painful
squeeze. His sun was rejecting him, and it hurt.
“Why are you backing away? Did I do something wrong?” Lavi asked, his voice
cracking as he lost his battle against the tears. He felt one fall under his
eye patch, bypassing it and following the curve of his cheek.
“Tch.” Why wasn’t Yuu responding? What had he done to make Yuu like this?
“Yuu, why won’t you answer me?” He said, a sob beginning to form. He was
seriously beginning to fear that he had completely alienated the only person
besides Bookman that had ever been important to him.
“Che.”
“Yuu, please, please, tell me what I did! I can’t fix it if I don’t know what
it is. How did I hurt you?” Lavi pleaded. He was getting cold. He needed
something to warm him up, but his sun wouldn’t do that anymore, because he had
hurt it, made it unwilling to shine on him.
Hot, strong arms wrapped firmly around his own, and Lavi could only be glad for
the warmth, unable to process anything else.
“It’s nothing you did, baka,” his sun murmured into his neck. Lavi felt
something hot and wet and realized that his sun was crying. He was shocked.
Suns didn’t cry. Not his, at any rate. He wrapped his arms around Yuu’s waist,
and at some point, he led them to the bed that was on their right. His sun
wouldn’t let him go, and Lavi gradually began to warm up again. Somehow, they
were under the covers, and at some point, they were asleep. Lavi dreamt of his
own private beach, the one where his sun resided, warming Lavi and the rocks
and the clear blue ocean of the bay.
It was the first lurch of the other man that woke Lavi.
It was the whimper and the tear that fell from the other man’s right eye that
kept him awake. An arm went from Lavi’s waist to Yuu’s right ear, and the man’s
face was screwed up in pain. Then the man stopped all movement, and then he
shivered and made a small whining sound. Another tear fell from his right eye,
and Lavi felt something on his shoulder, indicating a twin tear from Yuu’s
other eye. The man shivered again, and then his stomach muscles went tense.
Lavi thought that was the end of it.
Until the man screamed. It was unearthly—something he’d never heard, even when
battling beside the other man. He started convulsing, and both arms went to his
stomach as a howling screech ripped from Yuu’s throat. Lavi sat up, trying to
hold the other man down, to keep him from falling off the narrow, twin-sized
bed. Tears poured from the sleeping man’s eyes at an alarming rate, and all the
time, Yuu twisted and turned, holding his stomach as if he was trying to keep
his guts from spilling out into the cold, morning air. Screams and moans
pervaded the air until it was thick with them, and Lavi abruptly realized he
needed to do something.
“YUU!” He screamed, slapping the other man from his nightmare. Yuu’s eyes
snapped open, and he threw Lavi back as he scuttled backward until he hit the
headboard. He was still screaming and tears still made rivers down his cheeks.
His eyes held a trauma so deep that Lavi felt himself drowning in it.
“Calm down, Yuu-chan!” He yelled, launching himself forward onto the other man.
He threw his arms around Yuu’s neck, around Yuu’s hair that was stuck to his
skin with sweat. The other man screamed even louder, and Lavi went flying. Why
was his sun doing this to him? He hadn’t done anything to deserve this one.
“DON’T EVER CALL ME THAT!” The other man roared, and he drew his suddenly
activated Innocence, pointing it Lavi. He thrust forward, and Lavi barely had
Oodzuchi Kodzuchi in front of himself in time to block. Yuu attacked again, and
Lavi blocked a second time, growing it enough to make a wall between them. He
both felt and heard Yuu hacking away at the other side of his hammer, sobbing
and screaming until he fell into a heap. Once the attacks had ceased, Lavi
lowered his Innocence and let it deactivate on its own. Yuu was a mess, sobbing
hard into his green comforter. Lavi tried to grab him around the shoulders, but
the other man gave something akin to a hiss and pushed him away.
Opposite from the Sun Corner of his mind, the Bookman Corner rebelled, and then
he was floating…
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: There. Finally some satisfaction for the Allen/Lenalee fans. And
     can you believe it? There was plot movement? Also, wiki tomato
     knifes. They're crazy. Crrraaazzzyyy. And the Latin is what used to
     be said at the end of the Catholic Mass, back when it was in Latin
     (not surprisingly).
***** If I Fell *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_9—If_I_Fell
August 6, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lavi had run out of the room, a gut-wrenching look of emotional agony on his
face. That was all it took to bring Yuu back to his senses.
What had he done?
He ran after Lavi, but the man was already gone, and once again, Yuu couldn’t
find him. He went back to Bookman’s room, but he wasn’t there. He checked the
library, and his heart leapt as he saw a head of red hair. He ran up to it and
froze. It was fucking Darcy. He saw Amanda come up and press herself to the
Irishman’s back, her arms snaking around his waist. Yuu felt sickened and
stormed off, not caring about all the shocked faces that followed him out.
Four hours.
Four hours passed.
Four hours passed, and he still couldn’t find Lavi. He had asked everyone, each
time with more pronounced desperation in his voice, face, and eyes. He had
ignored the surprised faces of the idiots he’d asked. They didn’t matter
anyway. Fucking Finders. Shouldn’t they be doing the fucking finding?
His thoughts deteriorated to terror-ridden flits of possible places Lavi could
be. He ran out on the edge of the mountain, pounding the ground harder than was
necessary to sprint. He looked up, silently pleading with the God that ruled
over the Order to let him find the fucking rabbit that he cared about. He had
known it would lead to pain, and he had been right.
He stopped.
Lavi had gone one other place. Just after Tiedoll had been killed—Yuu ignored
the twinge in his heart—Bookman had gotten seriously injured. Lavi had been
beyond himself with worry, and Yuu knew that it was a genuine feeling, not just
part of one of his personas. He had started brooding, and instead of going to
the library or his shared room, Lavi had gone up to the top of the tower, to
the observation deck. Yuu’s heart beat faster. It was a chance.
He pounded his way to the top, not even noticing how his legs burned with the
effort. He kept the same grueling pace the entire way up the ridiculous amount
of steps. He threw the door open much like he had done that morning in Bookman
and Lavi’s old room.
Lavi was sitting on the railing at the edge of the deck, leaning forward as if
fascinated by how far away the ground was. His hands were resting as curled as
they could on top of the rails, but they would not be able to grab them if Lavi
started to fall.
Yuu’s heart stopped. His breath stopped. He felt rooted to the ground like he
never had before, not even when he was five on that first, awful night—
He was running, sprinting like he had before, wrapping his arms around Lavi’s
back, linking his hands in front of Lavi’s chest, pulling back until they were
both in a heap on the hard stone. Yuu’s head hurt, but he didn’t care, because
Lavi was on top of him and alive and safe.
“What the fuck was that, Lavi?” He hissed, his voice gaining strength until it
was a full-out yell.
There was no response, and Yuu felt an anger such as he had never felt before
boil over.
“Do you even know what would happen if you died?” He yelled into the other
man’s ear.
“No one cares, so it doesn’t matter,” came back Lavi’s empty voice. Yuu knew
that if he looked at Lavi’s eye, it would be dark, no spark of life visible.
“You have no idea how much people care. You’re an idiot! You don’t even realize
that I fuckingcareabout you, BAKA USAGI!” He screamed. At some point, he had
switched back into Japanese. He wasn’t sure if he was glad or not that Lavi
could understand that.
The man in question froze.
After a length of time, Yuu felt Lavi’s hands cover his own, and he breathed a
sigh of relief. Lavi was back from whatever funk he’d been in.
---
August 6, 2013—The Dark Order, South American Branch
“Hok’ee,” Allen said, gesturing to the Native American Exorcist. “Would you
please get Ash to shut up?”
Hok’ee nodded. He took his spear Innocence and poked it into the middle of the
Canadian’s back. Michel went rigid, his back arching against the contact.
“Goddammit, you know that’s the sensitive spot of my back! Do you want me to
come at you with my chainsaw, Hok’ee?” Michel yelled, turning from the Mexican
woman he’d been flirting incessantly with. It reminded Allen of Lavi—before
Lavi had gone… weird.
“You wouldn’t,” Hok’ee said flatly. It wasn’t a threat, simply a statement of
fact. Michel dropped his head slightly and glared at the other man.
“You suck ass, Hok’ee,” he said, walking off dejectedly.
“Sorry about that,” Allen said to the Mexican woman. “Michel is, well, he’s
Michel. I’m afraid there’s nothing you can do about it but grin and bear it.
You’ll probably have to do that a lot. The Order is full of idiots like that.”
He grinned politely at her and offered his right hand to her. She shook it
solemnly, nodding in understanding.
“Rodrigo is the same way. I’m used to it,” she said in accented English.
“Rodrigo?” Allen questioned.
“He is my partner—unfortunately.” The woman screwed her face up in distaste but
otherwise remained rather expressionless.
“You’re the Exorcists we’re looking for, then?” He dared to hope.
“Yes.” The answer was short, concise. Allen liked the woman already, and in the
back of his mind, the Musician flickered to life. He liked her too. Allen
winced and shook his head. As if he hadn’t been there at all, the Musician
faded away again. Allen sighed. He wanted Lenalee, but she was out on an errand
and wouldn’t be returning for the next few days. Allen sighed again. He’d been
doing that very often lately. The Musician flared up in the back of his head
like the pest he was, and Allen couldn’t ignore him this time as he sung out,
muuuusic is clooooose!
A Brazilian man walked up to them, clad in an outrageous sombrero and an
Exorcist jacket.
“Rodrigo, what are you wearing?” The Mexican woman asked incredulously.
“Ah, a sombrero, my dear Maya, a sombrero. It is very sexy, no?” He responded.
“Not. At. All,” was Maya’s point-blank response. The man looked dejected then
sobered, turning to Allen. Allen winced as the Musician shouted, THERE! MUSIC
IS THERE!
“You are General Walker?” It was more of a statement than a question.
“Yes,” Allen said, offering his hand just as he had done for Maya. They shook,
but as their hands touched, the Musician flew out of whatever pin he’d been
locked in, and all of a sudden, Allen was writhing on the floor.
“Lenalee!” He screamed, reaching out for her, but not feeling her comforting
presence, her soft, cool hands, her gentle touch. He clasped his right hand to
his left eye and curled up. A prickling on his forehead announced the presence
of the stigmata. He felt his curse grow more ornate under his darkening skin,
and then he felt a burning sensation on his neck. He looked up—his right eye
was probably gold now—into Maya’s steely glare. Her flaming sword drew blood at
his throat. He gulped reflexively.
“And now, Noah, you die,” Maya said, her voice as steely as her dark eyes. He
felt something on his chest and then he was thrown backwards, backwards into a
memory that wasn’t his own.
The Priest quivered fearfully for some reason, holding his large crucifix in
both trembling hands like a weapon.
“You devil, begone!” He shouted, thrusting the glowing green crucifix forward.
She screamed as Sarah fell, the cross sticking like a stake from her heart.
All balance in her world was lost, and she felt something inside her—something
evil, something heartbroken. And it wanted revenge.
“LOOOOOVE!” Allen screamed until his voice faltered and died, just like Sarah
had. His head fell to his chest, and he noted the rattling of the chains
holding his wrists above his head. His shoulders ached with the pain of holding
his entire body weight, and his right wrist was so chafed that it was oozing
blood constantly. He had no idea how long he had been there, only that he had
just awoken. Any time his eyes closed, that memory played before him. He let
out a high-pitched moan and whispered, “Lenalee, help me,” before he forced his
mind back into unconsciousness.
He was dreaming. He had to be, because Lenalee was there.
“Allen?” She asked. Then her eyes widened, and she gasped in horror. “Why are
you chained up?”
Allen became aware of the steady burn in his shoulders and wrist as well as the
dull ache in his back. He tried to stand up, but his legs wouldn’t hold his
weight. He looked down and saw they were both chained to a heavy, iron ball.
She ran over to him, tears falling from her eyes. She grabbed Allen’s face in
both of her hands and stared deeply into his eyes.
“Are you okay?” She asked. “I’ll try to find a way to get you out of them.” She
studied Allen’s chains but couldn’t find what she was looking for. She kicked
at the iron ball in frustration, tears flying from her cheeks.
“What are you doing in my dream?” Asked a high-pitched, curious voice from the
other side of the room. Allen and Lenalee both looked over and saw a young girl
of perhaps fourteen illuminated in a small pool of light. She was sitting in a
high-backed chair. She was dark-skinned, tanned like many in the Middle East.
Her hair was a deep chestnut, and it waved down lightly to the small of her
back, almost touching the seat of her chair. Strangely, though, her eyes were a
bright, perfectly clear blue. They shone like a flawlessly cut aquamarine
stone, though they were perhaps a few shades darker. A light brush of stigmata
graced her forehead, making them look like a holy crown.
Allen felt tears in his eyes at the perfection in front of him. He glanced at
Lenalee out of the corner of his eyes and saw her doing the same—though he
wasn’t sure if those were left over from her earlier tears or not. Allen
suspected it was a mixture of both.
“Can you free Allen?” Lenalee asked desperately, tears still flowing.
“Faith doesn’t need to free me,” he said softly. “You will, when you get back.”
“You’re Allen Walker?” The perfect girl asked in wonder, her childish voice
echoing to their side of the room despite its softness.
“Yes, I am.”
“And you’re Lenalee Lee?”
Lenalee looked stricken, as if she hadn’t been expecting the perfect girl to
address her. “Yes,” she choked out. “I am.”
“You are my Heart. Guard it well.”
“We will,” they said together, though Allen didn’t know what possessed them to
do so.
“I know you will. Be careful of the others. Do not kill them—they do not
understand what makes them so.”
Allen didn’t know what she was talking about, but he nodded gravely, and he saw
Lenalee do the same.
“Now, Lenalee, you must save Allen, before his allies betray him like Sarah.”
The dream faded away.
Forty miles away, Lenalee woke up. She gasped at the tears running down her
face. That dream had been very, very real, and she needed to get back to the
South American Branch immediately.
---
August 6, 2013—The Dark Order, Kanda’s Room
Lavi was number twenty-four today. He found that he rather disliked the
childlike qualities of number three and had only kept the ease of expression,
throwing away the rest of the persona. Twenty-four was a good person. He was
quiet-spoken, but he had an explosive temper where it counted. He was “quiet
but feisty,” after all. Lavi tested the boundaries of the persona, and after
several hours of inhabitation, he decided the personality would have to go. The
temper just wasn’t worth the trouble, and he rather disliked how quiet he was
at other times. He switched back to forty-nine, tired of experimenting for the
day.
Yuu left the room, and Lavi went to follow, his curiosity that he’d taken from
number three humming deep in his heart. Yuu was carrying a towel and heading
toward the bathroom. Lavi followed him, not wanting to be alone and wondering
why Yuu was taking a shower at five in the evening. No one took a shower at
that time. Normally, it was before breakfast or after dinner. As he closed the
door, he gaped.
Yuu’s lotus flower had five petals at the bottom, as it had before their
extended sleep in their Innocence, but it was doing something he had never seen
before: wilting. The stem was bent and slightly wrinkled, its color the
grayish-green of a dying plant. Its petals withered up a bit, turning just a
little bit gray at the edges.
Tearing his eyes away from the horrific sight, he followed Yuu to the bathroom,
intent on annoying the man in some way or other. Yuu began stripping the second
he got into the men’s facilities. He walked into a stall and paused. He dropped
his towel and button-up shirt to the ground. He turned around, urgency in his
eyes, and made as if to go to the mirrors in front of the sink. He stopped
again, this time freezing as if completely rooted to the cold, stone floor, as
he caught sight of Lavi.
Lavi stared. He couldn’t help himself. It was like watching a train wreck. It
was something so horrible that he just couldn’t look away.
From the left side of Yuu’s stomach to the second rib on his right side was a
long, jagged and mottled scar that Lavi was sure had not been there the night
before. Perpendicular to that was a thinner, straighter scar that went from
Yuu’s collar bone past the waistline of his pants. Lavi took it all in with
excruciating detail. Even without a Bookman’s mind, this memory would be
transfixed in his head forever.
“Yuu,” he said, his voice shaking slightly. “What happened to you?” But he
didn’t need a response. Whatever had happened, Yuu had dreamed about it the
previous night. Lavi vividly remembered the screams as the older man clutched
his stomach.
Yuu didn’t respond, just brushed past Lavi as he half-ran from the room. Lavi
blinked and then removed his shirt, throwing it at the other Exorcist but
missing. Sighing, he picked up Yuu’s towel and white shirt before leaving the
bathroom. He grabbed his own shirt on the way back to his room, where he found
Yuu pulling on the sweatshirt Lavi had stolen from him weeks ago.
---
August 8, 2013—The Dark Order, South American Branch
Lenalee ran, Dark Boots activated, toward the group of four Exorcists at the
lunch table.
“Where did you put Allen?” She asked wildly, not caring how loud her voice was,
nor how disheveled she looked.
The cafeteria went silent, and the four Exorcists shared dark looks.
“He was a Noah,” said the only woman, a Mexican, by way of explanation. “So we
incapacitated him.”
“I know he’s a Noah!” Lenalee screeched, slamming her fists on the table. “But
if you had taken the time to pay attention and notice that his Innocence was
still his, you would have realized he’s not a threat! He’s not even a Noah! He
just carries the memories of one!” Hot tears poured down from her desperate
eyes.
Everyone looked stunned.
“Take. Me. To. My. Allen,” she said, her tone leaving no room for protest. The
four Exorcists in front of her gaped, and she pounded her hands on the table
again. “Now,” she added, a hard edge to her voice.
They scuttled around her and led the way to what appeared to be dungeons.
Behind the bars of the cell on the left, Lenalee saw Allen. His throat and
chest were blood-crusted, and his General’s jacket had been removed, leaving
him with only a thin, white undershirt. It, too, was stained with dried blood.
Lenalee didn’t even ask for them to let her in, just jabbed one leg out and
kicked a few bars down. Walking in through the now dusty air, Lenalee bit back
a cough. Her foot struck the iron ball that kept Allen from moving his legs
underneath him. She stomped on the chain leading to the shackles around his
ankles, snapping it as if it were a twig. Jumping up high, she kicked out her
leg and broke the chains that held his arms up. She hit the ground before Allen
and caught the other teen deftly. He groaned in pain as his arms fell to his
sides. Lenalee hugged him to herself.
“Thank God you’re alright,” she whispered in his ear. His skin lightened from
its ashen tone at her words, and his Noah form melted from him as if it had
never been there. Allen moaned, and Lenalee turned and glared at the group of
four Exorcists.
“Release him from these shackles,” she said coldly, and all they could do was
stare dumbly as she approached them, dragging Allen with her. “Give me the key.
Now.” The Mexican woman reached into her pocket and produced a small, old-
looking silver key. Lenalee snatched it from the other woman’s hand and
unlocked Allen as carefully as possible.
“Now, take me to your hospital wing so we can have his wounds checked over,”
Lenalee ordered. This time, the other Exorcists seemed to have grown some
backbone.
“No,” intoned the Mexican woman. The Brazilian man behind her put a hand on her
shoulder, perhaps in warning.
“Maya…” He said, his voice dying at the end of the word. The Mexican woman
shook her head.
“No, Rodrigo, this—this Chinese girl—” she spat Lenalee’s nationality as if it
were a curse, “—is sticking up for that Noah. How do we know she is not one as
well?”
“Do you not see my Innocence!?” Lenalee yelled, and Maya shrank into herself a
little.
“Headquarters would not give a General’s jacket to a Noah,” Hok’ee said simply
in his deep voice.
“They gave one to him,” Maya shouted, pointing an accusatory finger at Allen.
Rage bubbled deep inside Lenalee’s stomach. They dare accuse her Allen of
betraying the Order?
A rumbling noise made Lenalee jump, and she saw Michel’s activated Innocence
roaring where his right hand should have been. Lenalee stepped back, already
thinking through how she would place Allen on the ground before incapacitating
the man. However, he turned his arm to Maya, resting the thunderous blade near
her neck. She gulped visibly and took an unconscious step back.
“I believe them,” he said simply. Turning to Lenalee, he added, “come on,
Lenalee.” He gestured for her to follow with his left hand, and then he
deactivated his Innocence and led the way to the South American Branch’s
hospital wing. Lenalee followed him, not sparing a glance at the other
Exorcists. She heard two sets of footsteps behind her. Allowing herself a quick
glance, she saw the stoic Native American and the one Maya had called Rodrigo
following them as a sort of rear guard. Maya stayed where she had been when
Michel had turned his chainsaw on her as if petrified to the spot.
One day later, when Allen had recovered somewhat, they left for the Main
Branch, dragging along a reluctant Maya as they boarded the plane.
---
August 7, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lavi tried to be discreet about following Yuu this time. It was very early in
the morning, and Yuu had left Lavi’s room with his towel, obviously intent on
bathing. Yuu had had another nightmare that night. He had thrashed and
convulsed on his stomach, his back arching sometimes with what seemed like a
phantom pain. The most disturbing part was that Yuu hadn’t made a noise, just
gasped in what seemed like stabilizing breaths. Lavi did not grab him this
time, though he desperately wanted to. His sun was writhing in pain, and Lavi
could do nothing about it but wait it out, feeling utterly helpless.
He waited until Yuu had left the room and then hustled behind him, hoping he
was being secretive about it. He followed Yuu as he strode down to one of the
training rooms. Lavi was glad to be there. He loved watching Yuu train. He’d
loved it even before their extended stay in Hevlaska’s stomach. The way Yuu
looked when he was training was intoxicating. He wore a look of absolute
concentration as he exerted himself into a strong sweat. His attire was also a
plus. He wore only the bandages around his chest and a light, breathable pair
of pants. Lavi allowed his heart to beat frantically as he watched his favorite
Exorcist run through routines of strikes and parries, blocks and attacks, until
he was exhausted and breathing heavily. Yuu’s hair was up in its customary
ponytail, and Lavi noticed something strange. His right ear was nicked and had
a light scar on the cartilage, as if something sharp had gone through it at one
time.
Lavi began to wonder just what the hell had happened in Yuu’s past to make him
have such horrid nightmares. He caught sight of the dark-haired man sheathing
his sword before deactivating it and made a hasty retreat, lest Yuu find him
peeking in.
He waited outside the bathroom while Yuu showered and then followed him back to
the other man’s room. After a moment, he cracked the door open. His mouth
dropped to the floor. Suddenly, Yuu’s most recent nightmare made sense. The
Japanese man's back was covered with horrible, disfiguring scars that ran this
way and that, forming raised knots on his once-flawless skin. Lavi’s heart
tightened, and it took him a moment to realize that he felt sorry that the
other man had been hurt so much. But not so much sorry as… anguished. He wanted
to take Yuu in his arms and physically squeeze the pain from the other man’s
heart. It didn’t make sense, but he still wanted to do it.
He waited until the other man had dressed himself and then breezed into the
room, unsure of which persona he was using at the moment.
“Howdy, Yuu-cha—” he cleared his throat, “er, Yuu.”
The other man stiffened at Lavi’s voice before turning and glaring at him.
“Just because I… care,” he said through gritted teeth, “doesn’t mean you’re
allowed to barge into my room, Baka Usagi.”
Lavi laughed. “Sure, I can. You barge into mine!” That wasn’t strictly true,
but Lavi didn’t strictly care. He looked over at the lotus and let out an
unintentional gasp. It was wilted even further than it had been the day before.
He saw Yuu follow his gaze out of the corner of his eye. A second later, the
man was in front of him, blocking the lotus from his view.
The other man didn’t say anything, just made sure he blocked the lotus from
sight no matter how hard Lavi tried to see it.
---
August 9, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Yuu stood in front of his hourglass. Why was the flower wilting? He hadn’t been
hurt, and instead of a single petal, the whole flower seemed darker and
shriveled. It worried him. Was he running out of time? Yuu walked over to his
desk chair and sat in it, staring at himself in the mirror. He didn’t know why
his scars were coming back either, but there were the three he had received
that one horrible night when he was eight, and if he looked at his back, he
knew he would see all the belt welts he had gotten over the years, along with
the strange, circular scars he’d gotten when his father had taken the tomato
knife to him again. On his left cheek was the very light, faded scar from when
his father had whipped the sake bottle into his face. He’d been six. He looked
at his legs and shuddered at the marks that cluttered those. He refused to let
himself remember how he’d gotten them. He switched his gaze to his right arm
and the scar from where his father had broken it, shoving the bone through part
of his skin. It throbbed in phantom pain, so he looked elsewhere. He looked at
his hairline and the one light scar that poked through it. He knew how he’d
gotten those. And how often. He didn’t need to think about those. There was a
reason he kept his hair long.
Speaking of his hair… it was past his lower back again. He’d need to get
Lenalee to cut it soon. He didn’t know how soon she’d be back, though, and Lavi
seemed to be getting better, switching personas and discarding them so fast
that it made Yuu dizzy. Yuu thought it was a sign that perhaps the other man
was finding himself. Still, his hair was too long. It reached down to his upper
thighs. Yuu sighed, walking over to his night stand and drawing a pair of
scissors from it. He’d have to cut it himself.
He pulled his desk chair up to the full-length mirror and sat on it, bringing
the scissors up.
His door slammed open. Yuu looked over to see the stupid rabbit walk in.
“Yuu! What the fuck are you doing?” Lavi shouted in alarm. “Don’t kill
yourself! I need you!” He strode over to Yuu and wrestled the scissors from his
grip.
“Che,” Yuu scoffed. “I was going to cut my hair, baka.”
Lavi’s face relaxed. “Really?” He asked, a smile already forming on his stupid
face. “I didn’t think you the type.”
“Lenalee normally does it,” Yuu confessed in a small, irritated voice.
“Oh. Why don’t I do it, then? That way, it’ll be even!” Lavi said running a
hand through the ends of Yuu’s hair.
“Fine,” Yuu grunted, and Lavi set about his work. He didn’t even need to ask
Yuu how long he wanted it, because his keen Bookman’s eye already knew the
precise length. Lavi grabbed Yuu’s new, durable hairbrush and combed it lightly
through his hair. Yuu closed his eyes. For some reason, the light pressure on
his scalp felt good, safe.
A hand ran over the top of his scalp, carding through the hair, and he froze.
The hand left immediately, and Yuu relaxed. The hand came back, and he became
stiff as a rod. He growled at Lavi, but the touch was gone as soon as it had
appeared.
“Sorry, Yuu,” Lavi said softly. Yuu felt his hair being cut, and the two
remained in silence as Lavi did his work meticulously. Every once in a while, a
hand would go over the top of his head, and one time, it brushed over one of
his mottled scars, where it stopped. Yuu couldn’t suppress a shiver at each
light touch. He did not like it when people touched the top of his head,
especially when their hands were in his hair.
He must have growled again, because Lavi was suddenly cutting his fringe and
two mid-length strands of hair.
“There you go, Yuu-ch—er, Yuu,” Lavi said. Yuu’s chest gave a little twinge.
For some reason, it annoyed him that the stupid rabbit was leaving off that
hated honorific.
“Why aren’t you calling me with that infernal honorific?” He asked bluntly.
“Because you hate it,” Lavi replied nonchalantly as he brushed Yuu’s back and
shoulders off.
“I don’t… mind it when it’s you,” he replied, his voice gruff at the awkward
admission.
Lavi’s eye widened slightly. “Really? Well, that’s great, Yuu-chan!” Yuu hit
him on the arm.
“Never mind, I take that back. It really does bother me. Don’t ever call me
that again.”
“Nope! You’re just lyin’ now, Yuu-chan! You can’t take back what you honestly
think!”
Yuu glared at him, but the idiot redhead was not deterred. In fact, he had
taken the admission as something of an invitation to sit on Yuu’s lap and throw
his arms around him. And now his hands were back in his hair, running over the
many scars that ran over his scalp.
“Yamero,” he barked. Lavi didn’t.
“Nope. You’re going to tell me where you got these, Yuu-chan,” he said. His
voice was soft, though, as if Yuu had an actual choice about responding.
Gently, Lavi bent over and placed his lips on each scar. Yuu froze solid,
petrified. He was one with the chair. They were one solid entity.
“Tell me, Yuu. I really want to know,” Lavi whispered against his hair.
“No,” Yuu whispered back, his voice suddenly forgotten. He couldn’t make a
noise.
Lavi pulled him from the chair, hugging Yuu tightly. Yuu fought to get away,
pushing at any part of the baka usagi he could reach, but he couldn’t get free
no matter how hard he tried.
Hot lips touched his, and this time he relaxed. It was… nice. But that couldn’t
be. Because kisses were never nice. But this one was. Yuu was confused. But
Lavi’s tongue was on his bottom lip, asking for admittance, and Yuu allowed it
before he even realized what he was doing. He didn’t even realize it was
happening, but he was suddenly sitting on his bed with Lavi standing over him.
Their tongues tangled, making him moan—he moaned?—and then he was being pushed
back onto the mattress. A hand came up, tangling in the hair by his right ear,
and Yuu snapped.
“GET OFF!” He shouted in Japanese, fighting the contact with everything he had.
He brought his fist back and punched Lavi hard on his left cheek, throwing the
other man from the bed with its force. He ran from the room and headed to the
training rooms. He needed to do something to get his mind off of what had just
happened, and he needed to stop hyperventilating. Hopefully, by the time he got
back to his room, Lavi would be gone.
---
August 10, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Yuu had looked in on Lavi before going to sleep. The other man had been
sleeping deeply—it was, after all, two in the morning—and Yuu decided he could
sleep in his own room that night. He wasn’t ready to be with Lavi again. Too
many memories were too close to the surface, and he wouldn’t be able to keep
his indifferent exterior in place if he was too close to Lavi.
He didn’t sleep well—he never had. Still, he slept worse than usual, and at
eleven in the morning, he woke in a cold sweat from his latest nightmare. He
sighed, knowing he wouldn’t get anymore sleep. Grabbing a towel, he went to do
the necessities. But first, he’d go check on Lavi. He opened the next door and
found the other Exorcist gone. His heart beat a bit faster, but he kept his
fear in check. Lavi may have gotten hungry and gone to the cafeteria on his
own, not waiting for Yuu as he usually did. He may have decided to give Yuu
some space after the disastrous incident the night before.
Yuu tried to ignore his growing sense of doom as he showered. He even passed
Lavi’s room without checking in again before he got dressed. And, damn it, he
didn’t need to check before he ate breakfast. He didn’t see Lavi there, and he
hurried through his meal. He walked faster than usual back to his room. He
stood with his hand on the knob, trying to force himself to not check on the
other man.
He failed.
His heart stopped. Lavi still wasn’t there. Yuu began to worry, thinking back.
Why wouldn’t Lavi be in his room? He normally never left it unless Yuu forced
him to. The only times he’d left by himself were when he’d been—what had Darcy
called it?—“emo.” Yuu’s heart froze mid-beat, icing over.
He suddenly needed to see the other man right now. He ran to the library. Lavi
wasn’t there. He checked Bookman’s room, but Lavi wasn’t there, either. He
checked some other nooks and crannies before remembering the tower. What if
Lavi had gone suicidal? He’d been that way before, hadn’t he?
Yuu’s eyes widened. The other time he’d been up on the tower was after he’d
pushed the other man away. He flew to the stairwell and took the steps two or
three at a time. He hit two people—was that Lenalee and Moyashi?—and barked
something at them, not stopping. Lavi was too important, too pressing a matter,
for him to stop. He threw open the heavy door and stopped, his heart in his
throat.
He’d found Lavi.
The man was standing, legs shoulder-width apart and arms out to his sides, on
the railing. Yuu watched, horror-struck, as Lavi lifted his left foot and
balanced it out in the air in front of him. Thankfully, he put it back on the
railing. Yuu strode forward slowly, numb from absolute shock. If Lavi fell… but
he couldn’t think about that. Could he survive it?... but he wasn’t thinking
about that. If Lavi died… but he absolutely, positively was not. Thinking.
About. That.
Lavi leaned forward, and Yuu’s heart lurched, forcing him into action. He
reached the railing as Lavi started his fall. He caught the man’s wrist. Lavi
twisted as his shoulder rolled so he was facing the tower. Then his weight
caught up, and his hand was jerked from Yuu’s.
Yuu watched, horrified, as Lavi fell.
He stumbled back from the rail, his legs shaking beneath him until they
couldn’t support his weight and he tumbled down. He looked, unseeing, at his
hands. I missed, he thought, horrified. I failed. Just like I failed her. He’s
dead. Just like her.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: I ate too much ice cream... remind me never to eat a full pint
     in one sitting... X( Also, don't kill us. There is a happy ending.
***** Doubt and Trust *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_10—Doubt_and_Trust
August 10, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lenalee had never been so glad to be back home. It wasn’t as if that had been
the longest mission she’d ever been on, but for some reason, being away from
the few people who remained in her heart hurt more than it should have. Still,
she thought, I have my Allen. He always cheered her up.
It was a tight fit on the service lift to the top, but Lenalee didn’t mind it.
She leaned, weary, against the wall and felt Allen’s presence beside her doing
the same. His hand lightly twined with hers, and they closed their eyes as they
began to relax. If any of the other Exorcists noticed anything, they didn’t
mention it. Maya, however, seemed to shoot Lenalee a scandalized look as they
all disembarked, but that could have been from the slight she had suffered a
few days ago.
Allen had made a surprisingly quick recovery, having only been in the chains
for a short time, and he barely made a grunt or wince of pain when he moved. He
was carrying his upper body more stiffly than usual, but Lenalee knew he was
probably just very, very sore. His muscles had not been overly damaged, nor had
any bones. The worst of the injuries seemed to be the non-healing wound near
his Adam’s Apple and the raw scabs that encircled his wrists and, to a lesser
extent, his ankles. Lenalee had a feeling his Innocence would boost up his
healing time, just as it had patched up the hole in his heart, so she wasn’t
too worried.
“You can all wait outside the Director’s office while we give our report. After
the meeting, you’ll be given rooms, and I’ll give you all a quick tour of the
place if you haven’t been here in a while,” Lenalee said to the other Exorcists
absently, squeezing Allen’s hand, just to make sure he was still there with
them. He had been a bit quiet since the whole incident in the South American
Branch, but Lenalee knew he was only hurting. He would be fine. He looked down
at her, shooting her a small smile. Lenalee gave him a significant look as they
headed into Smith’s office. They would be talking about this later.
“Ah, I see you’ve made it back, General Walker, Miss—General Lee,” Smith said
genially, coughing to cover his slip-up. “Would you mind reporting what
happened during the course?” He asked, though Lenalee knew it was anything but
a request. She exchanged knowing glances with Allen and turned back to the
Director she had come to loathe.
She recounted all the events, the small, inconsequential missions they’d gone
on while waiting for the Exorcists to make it back to their branches. The
Director made small grunting noises of understanding as she spoke. She faltered
when she got to the South American Branch.
“Please continue, Miss Lee,” Director Smith said smilingly.
“General,” Allen grunted beside her, and Lenalee smiled.
“General Lee, then.”
“We got to the South American Branch, and both of the Exorcists had been put on
an urgent mission to Ecuador. I needed to take care of some errands for that
branch in the northern part of Argentina, where there’s a small Finder base—you
know, routine things, paperwork, and all that.” The Director nodded, urging her
to continue. “Well, one night, I was filling out some papers for this one
Finder—Miguel was his name—and suddenly, I got really, really tired. I fell
asleep, and I saw Allen done up in chains, and then I—” Lenalee felt Allen’s
free hand come to rest on her shoulder.
“Lenalee,” he said, and she understood at once what he meant. The rest of that
scene had been private. It had been very, very private, and no one else should
know about that wonderful, perfect girl but them. No one else deserved to.
“—and then I woke up, and I had the strangest urge to get back to the South
American Branch immediately. I got back there, and I couldn’t find Allen. They
chained him up because he—because they found out about the Noah in him,”
Lenalee concluded, glad she hadn’t slipped up and mentioned that Allen had lost
control again. The Order wouldn’t put up with it a second time.
“Very well. When you have time, write your report out and submit it to me. Now,
I’ll have someone find them some rooms. We’ll have everyone—and I do mean
everyone, even those two slackers who have been skiving their duties for a
month now—meet in the dining hall for dinner.” The Director sat back, and he
opened a drawer, producing a rather large cigar.
“Wait, are you talking about Kanda-kun and Lavi?” Lenalee asked urgently. Lavi
had been mentally… unstable, but he was a strong man and should have been able
to heal from it by now.
“Haven’t gone on a fucking mission since France,” the Director growled,
lighting his cigar. Lenalee coughed at the pungent aroma and backed out.
“We’re leaving now,” she said, pulling Allen from the room.
“Shall we take a walk?” She asked as the heavy doors closed behind her. She
fought down the sense of indignation at the foul British man smoking in that
office, throwing her pent-up frustration into her overly-bright smile.
“Sure,” Allen replied, giving her hand a squeeze. “Where to?”
“Well, I’m sure it’s a nice day. Why don’t we head up to the tower?” She wanted
to go somewhere private for them to talk.
Allen nodded, and they walked in silence as they reached the stairwell. They
hadn’t gone far up the steps when an echoing slam came from behind. They turned
around in time to see Kanda-kun come barreling up the steps, his eyes wide with
desperation and a set look on his face. He slammed into Allen, and Lenalee was
brought down with the force. Kanda-kun stumbled and turned back, slowing his
pace for just a moment.
“Lavi,” was all he said before turning and running harder than ever up the
never-ending spiral of steps.
Lenalee’s heart froze. Understanding hit her like a kick to the head.
“Allen, I’m sorry, but I have to break my promise again. Can you last a few
minutes without me?” She asked, already turning away.
“I’ll be fine,” he said, but he sounded overwhelmed. Lenalee gave him a hug.
“Please, Allen, you have to be fine. I can’t lose both you and Lavi!” Tears
fell freely from her face, and Allen nodded grimly.
“I’ll try,” he promised, letting her hand go. Lenalee flew up the steps.
She stopped a moment to catch her breath half way up. She should have activated
her Innocence. Looking out of the window to see what was going on in the
observation deck above, Lenalee fell down with shock. Standing back up and
noting Allen was behind her, she did a double take. Lavi was
standing—standing—on the thin, metal railing that separated the observation
deck from the open air. She heard a gasp beside her.
“Lavi,” Allen breathed. He activated his Innocence, and the Crowned Clown
lowered its mask over his head.
“There’s nothing you can do from here, Allen,” Lenalee moaned miserably. Even
with her Innocence, she wouldn’t be fast enough, because Lavi was now balancing
on one leg. Her eyes were fixated on him as he placed his leg back down and
leaned forward.
Kanda-kun came out of nowhere, grabbing Lavi’s wrist. The man twisted into the
wall, and then his hand slipped from Kanda-kun’s.
Lenalee’s heart stopped. She needed to do something—she was the only one who
could.
“ACTIVATE!” She shouted, pushing the limits of her synch rate yet again. She
bent her knees and launched herself out of the window, glass cutting through
her entire body. “DARK BOOTS, I NEED YOU TO WALK ON AIR!” She screamed as she
lost momentum, and her Innocence seemed to react to her wish, as the air
beneath her boots became quite solid.
She wasn’t sure how she did it, nor how she was able to hold his weight, but
she grabbed Lavi as he was falling, holding him around the waist. She used the
now solid air and pushed off in a powerful jump that took her up to land not-
so-gracefully on the observation deck. Lavi fell from her arms to the ground
with the sharp sound of head hitting stone. Breathing deeply, she looked Lavi
over and found him to be quite well, despite the recent strike to the head.
Lavi could handle it—he’d been able to handle Bookman’s strikes with good
grace, and those were hard.
Lenalee felt sharp pain coursing through her legs, and she fell on her
backside. She was dimly aware of the pain of glass embedded in her skin, but
her legs were on fire. It reminded her of how they had felt after taking on
that Level Three on her own, only that had been more of a steady ache, and this
was… different. She chanced a glance at her legs and gasped. Instead of the
dark red she had grown accustomed to, her Innocence was clear, glowing a faint
green.
Past her feet, she saw Kanda-kun on the ground, staring blankly at his hands.
He was trembling lightly, but other than that, he showed no signs of awareness.
“Kanda…kun?” She asked, trying to crawl over to him. She let out a scream of
pain when she tried to move her legs.
The door opened, and Allen walked past her, heading for Lavi, who was sitting,
dazed, in front of Lenalee, staring right at her. He threw all the force of his
weight and velocity into a rocking punch to Lavi’s left cheek. Lavi went flying
back four meters, doing a flip in the air and landing on his stomach. He
groaned, and Allen walked up to him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.
“You have no idea how fucking selfish you’re being, Lavi,” he growled, his
voice half-Allen and half-Musician. Allen’s skin was a light gray, but not
ashen. His eyes remained their soulful gray, and no stigmata marred his
forehead.
Lavi cringed away from Allen, who threw him to the ground as if he were toxic
waste.
He turned and walked swiftly over to Lenalee, scooping her up in his arms.
“You can’t walk, can you?” He asked, and Lenalee shook her head. She didn’t
think she’d be able to move for a long time.
“Lavi, what would Bookman say to this?” He asked coldly before turning on his
heel and striding away. He was careful not to jostle Lenalee on the steps, but
she was too thunderstruck to register the all-encompassing pain.
He walked her all the way to the Hospital Wing and gently laid her down on a
bed. He walked away, and when he returned, he had a doctor. The doctor examined
her with a frown on his face and a furrow in his brow, though he said nothing
more than a few hmmm’s and ah’s. Lenalee wasn’t sure whether to be worried or
not.
The doctor went off to confer with one of his colleagues as a nurse slowly and
painstakingly removed each shard of glass from Lenalee’s skin.
---
It was as if Bookman had both broken him and healed him. With Allen’s comment,
all his confused perceptions of himself snapped into clarity, and he suddenly
understood himself more plainly than he ever had. He was Lavi, an ex-Bookman,
an Exorcist, and a man who was deeply in love with another man. He was smart—a
genius, really—and dreadfully curious, to the point of being annoying. He was a
serious man, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have a great sense of humor. He
liked to annoy people, and he also liked to make people laugh. He loved to
smile, to make others do the same. Still, he would do anything to keep the
people he cared for safe, especially the man he loved. That man was his sun,
making him warm and happy all the time. His name was Yuu. The rest of his self-
knowledge would come with time, as he got to know himself better.
He looked over at Yuu, and his heart sank. Yuu was not moving except for a
small tremble that seemed to line him like a second skin. He watched as dark-
haired man dropped his hands to his sides. He was… different, far different
from anything Lavi had seen before. Lavi walked over, nursing his bruising
cheek, and tried to touch Yuu.
The man flinched back, and Lavi recoiled immediately. His sun was hurt.
I hurt my sun, he thought, his heart breaking. I hurt him so bad he can’t even
move. I did something completely unforgivable. And Ihurthim. I don’t remember
exactly what it was that I did, but whatever it was, ithurthim.Ihurt him.
Tears streaked down from his face unashamedly. He held out a hand again, but
Yuu flinched from his touch again.
“Yuu?” He asked quietly. The man seemed to relax at that. “Yuu, it’s time to go
inside now.”
It was like he was speaking to a young child. Yuu looked up at him with blank
eyes and the strangest, vulnerable look on his face. He nodded but didn’t move.
“Yuu,” Lavi tried again. “It’s nearly dinnertime. We need to go in. You don’t
want to miss a meal, do you?”
The man in front of him shook his head roughly from side to side, his hair
whipping Lavi. Slowly, he scrambled to get up and followed Lavi as he led him
down the stairs.
“Hey, Yuu, why don’t we go get you changed so that you’re wearing something
clean for dinner, ne?” Yuu’s head perked up at the little Japanese tag at the
end of the sentence, and Lavi was hit with inspiration.
“Ne, Yuu, let’s go back to your room, okay?” He said in Japanese. The other man
picked up his pace slightly, and Lavi led the way, shooting glares at anyone
who tried to hail the two of them.
They reached the door, and after much coaxing, Lavi got Yuu to enter it. Yuu
screamed as Lavi tried to undress him, so Lavi set out a pair of pajamas and
turned away.
“Yuu, put those on, ne?” He said. He heard the rustle of the other man’s nod,
and after a moment, he turned around to see a pajama-clad Yuu. “Now sit down on
the bed. You must be sleepy.” The Japanese man nodded again and sat down. Lavi
grabbed his hairbrush and ignored the man’s flinching long enough to get most
of the day’s tangles from it. He told Yuu to lay down, and he did. He looked up
at Lavi as he covered the other man, and he muttered, “you’re dead.” It was the
last thing he said for days.
---
Lavi looked over at Yuu, who was curled up next to him in the bed. The second
Lavi had sat down, Yuu had done something completely unexpected. Instead of
flinching away as he had since the observation deck, he had turned and thrown
his arms around Lavi’s waist. Lavi sat against the headboard, reading through
the book Amanda had given Yuu. He rather enjoyed it. The attention to detail
and the asides about each character’s lineage were fascinating, and it made for
a very good read. Two hours after beginning it, there was a banging on the
door. Without ado, it slammed open, and Yuu opened a groggy, blank eye before
deciding it not worth his attention and falling back into his half-unconscious
state. Lavi growled as fucking Director Smith barged bodily into the room.
“I’m here to interrupt your homosexual love-fest,” the Director snapped
nastily.
“Get out,” he hissed, narrowing his eyes hatefully and grabbing his Innocence
from its permanent place on his right thigh. This man had no idea what was
going on and had no right to make assumptions.“Before I kill you.”
“Your fucking homo ass would never do that to a superior.” Superior? Lavi
scoffed inside his head, this man did not deserve his respect. He’d give the
man a reason to think twice before entering an Exorcist’s room unannounced.
“Activate,” Lavi hissed again. He noted that the pole grew thicker to
accommodate his hands’ limited range of motion. As he gripped it, pain flowed
like lava threw his hands, and he screamed with it. His hands glowed with five
long, thin rivets of green light, following the metal that had replaced his
shattered bones. They sparked and sputtered furiously, painfully.
He screamed and screamed until the only thing he was aware of was his strong
grip on the hammer in his hands, until his voice shattered and fell away like
his hands had. Bile rose up in his throat, and he leaned over, emptying his
lunch onto Yuu’s sheets. His body felt hot and slick with sweat, and he
couldn’t concentrate on the scene in front of him.
“What’s going on in here?” It was Allen’s voice. Lavi looked up, tunnel vision
limiting his view. “Smith, get the hell out. Something’s wrong with Lavi’s
Innocence.”
“It’s not my fault his Innocence is rejecting him because he’s going against
God with his sexuality.”
Lavi screamed, this time in anger, and he tightened his burning hands on
Oodzuchi Kodzuchi’s handle. It thinned down to its usual size with the force,
and Lavi howled as blood spurted forth like a geyser from his barely-healed
hands.
“Who I love has nothing to do with my Innocence,” he said, his tone low and
dangerous. “Hiban.”
Fire swirled from the end of his hammer, and only a hastily placed Clown Belt
kept it from hitting its target. His fire seal flew back to his Innocence and
swirled around it in a threatening manner. The thin line of fire sputtered and
growled at Smith as his face darkened in rage.
“I will see you excommunicated for this,” Smith threatened, light burns on his
face and arms where the Clown Belt had failed to protect him.
“Even though this organization forced me to become Catholic, I have never been
more than Atheist, so I don’t really see a problem in that,” Lavi said
nonchalantly, running his hand absently over the pummel of his Innocence.
“Besides, you can’t afford to lose another Exorcist.”
“I lost you and that Chinese hermaphrodite weeks ago,” Smith hissed, pure,
unadulterated loathing in his eyes.
Lavi felt his face grow a similar look as he narrowed his eyes. He gripped
Oodzuchi Kodzuchi as hard as his hands would allow, physically restraining
himself from attacking again. “I can forgive you for the hermaphrodite comment,
because I know it’s not true, and not even Yuu would be insulted by it, but the
fact that you called him Chinese… that’s different. It shows just how ignorant,
incompetent, and bigoted you are. Someone like you should not be in charge of
the Main Branch. Komui is probably rolling around in his grave—or rather,
shaking in his urn, as he was probably cremated by the Order’s laws—at your
despicably lacking managing skills. Just as you will see me excommunicated, I
will see you thrown from your office by your highly competent replacement.”
“It’s your word against mine,” Smith growled, clenching his fists menacingly.
Lavi felt no fear at the action. Really, what could the man do?
Allen cleared his throat, and the two fighting Order members looked at him.
Timcanpy was on his head, projecting the scene that had just transpired.
“Actually,” he said, clearing his throat again. “It’s Timcanpy’s word against
yours. And the five Generals as well, I should think.” He smiled darkly,
indicating his Dark Side was showing. This time, Lavi felt the fear running a
shiver down his spine, and he was very glad Allen was on his side.
---
August 11, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lenalee found the wheelchair both tiresome and extremely annoying. She couldn’t
get anywhere fast, and when she was moving it on her own, she grew tired far
faster than she would have liked. Thankfully, Allen was usually by her side,
taking her wherever she asked and chattering happily about whatever came to
mind. Lenalee relaxed to its soothing quality, but she was jarred out of it as
they saw Smith storming past them, an irate look on his burly features.
“Do you mind?” Allen questioned, gesturing to Smith. Lenalee shook her head.
“Go ahead, Allen. Let’s see what’s going on.” Allen nodded and rolled her down
the hallway.
They ended up at Kanda-kun’s room just as Smith barged into the room, saying
something so completely vulgar that Lenalee gasped. Far worse was Lavi’s reply.
He hissed it, and a flash of green light hit the room at the Director’s
answering taunt. An agonized scream rippled through the air. Allen flashed
Lenalee an apologetic look and stepped into the room, asking what was wrong.
As he walked in, Lenalee saw Timcanpy flutter to Allen’s forehead. With Allen
in the doorway, she couldn’t see the Director or Lavi, but she could hear Lavi
as he shrieked louder. Lenalee tried to maneuver the wheelchair into a better
position, but she couldn’t see anything at all, no matter the angle. She cursed
her nonresponsive legs, wishing she could get into the room. Allen moved as the
Clown Belt shot out around the fire that suddenly erupted in the room.
Lenalee’s view was no longer obstructed, and she gasped at the sight in front
of her. Lavi’s hands were oozing blood as he lightly stroked his Innocence,
fire dancing and twining around it like the snake it was. Next to him on the
blood-spattered bed was Kanda-kun, who was obviously very fast asleep.
Otherwise, he would have shot up at the horrible comment Smith made a moment
later. It felt like a slap to her face. If she could have gotten into the room
easily, she would have hit Smith hard enough to throw him to the ground.
Seething with rage, she was very glad when Allen promised to have Smith removed
from his unearned office.
“We’re going down to the Grand Marshalls to solve this problem. We can also
stop by and see Hevlaska about your Innocence,” Allen said, beginning to push
her to the large lift that ran through the entire Headquarters.
They arrived minutes later, and the Grand Marshalls illuminated their chairs
with spotlights, just as they had one hundred and fourteen years in the past.
“We knew you were coming, Allen Walker,” the one in the middle intoned.
“Did you now?”
“Yes, we knew you’d come here about Lenalee Lee’s Innocence. There is something
you’d like to know.” The speaker talked clearly, as if stating facts.
“Actually, I’m here for more than that,” Allen replied. There was a murmur of
interest from the five chairs above. He displaced Timcanpy from his head,
gesturing for him to fly up to the Grand Marshalls. Timcanpy displayed the
happenings of the last few minutes, and Lenalee knew that if she could see the
Grand Marshalls’ faces, they would be disturbed.
Silence followed Tim’s projection, and no one spoke for several minutes.
“This is… distressing,” said the middle one, the spokesperson. There was a
murmur of general agreement from the others around him. “The Exorcist called
Lavi will have to be punished for his digressions.”
Allen looked stricken.
“Smith needs to be replaced,” Lenalee said coldly, inviting herself into the
conversation. “Lavi only attacked because Smith provoked him.”
“He still attacked a superior, Lenalee Lee, and he must therefore be punished.”
A movement from behind stopped Lenalee’s response.
“A third Exorcist has passed the Double Critical,” Hevlaska said solemnly.
There was silence from the Grand Marshalls.
“What is this?” A voice from the second chair asked.
“The one who calls himself Lavi has passed the Critical Point a second time.
His synch rate is somewhere in the range of 205 percent.” Lenalee and Allen
gaped.
“We were aware of only one other, Hevlaska,” the middle Grand Marshall intoned,
taking up his place as spokesperson again.
“We have known for a long time that Allen Walker hit Double Critical over a
century ago during his fight with the Earl. Yesterday afternoon, however, there
was another one. Lenalee Lee has synched with her Innocence far beyond the
capacity of a normal General, as you can see from her current state.” Hevlaska
gestured with one tentacle to Lenalee’s unmoving legs. They no longer hurt, but
Lenalee could not make them budge on her own. Someone needed to move them for
her, and she was secretly terrified that she would never regain use of them.
She had told Allen as much, of course, and he hadn’t known how to console her,
simply pulling her into a very gentle embrace. That contact and quiet
understanding had done far more for her than any words could have.
“So her Innocence wasn’t broken, as you informed us yesterday?” the middle
Grand Marshall said. Hevlaska nodded, and the Grand Marshall continued,
“however, if Lavi has hit Double Critical, there is no way we can remove him
from the Order. He is too needed. He will go lightly punished, regardless of
how we find him when we try him later.”
Lenalee gasped. “You’re going to try Lavi? Under what charges?”
“Attempted murder of an officer and failure to comply with orders. The Japanese
Exorcist, Kanda Yuu, will also be tried under the second offense.”
Allen scoffed. “Good luck with that one,” he said rudely, snorting with
laughter. “I’ve never seen him that dead. I can’t wait to tease him about it.”
“He’s dead?” The spokesperson shouted, shocked.
“Well, it’s more like he’s catatonic at the moment, so he’s technically alive,
but he’s dead to the world.” He paused for a moment, looking thoughtful. “To
everyone except Lavi, of course,” he added.
“Explain.” It was a command, roughly spoken.
“Have you not been watching the Order as well as you claim to?” Allen asked
rhetorically. Lenalee stifled a giggle. It seemed the Dark Order was full of
incompetent people these days.
“Are you referring to the former Bookman’s mental illness?”
Lenalee bristled. “I think he’s entitled to a little breakdown. He’s lived
through far more war than any of us—you included,” she said coldly.
“Regardless of his motives, he still tried to kill someone, something
punishable under any law.”
Allen and Lenalee argued with them for hours, but it just went around in
circles, neither side budging. Lenalee knew that they couldn’t stop the trial
from happening, and they couldn’t get the Grand Marshalls to see the facts
behind the attack.
“If you’re going to charge Lavi and Kanda-kun, at least charge Smith as well,”
Lenalee demanded for the hundredth time. The Marshalls refused again.
“How about this,” Allen said, looking as if he had been struck by sudden
genius. “If all five Generals agree to it, you will remove Smith from his
office and the Order.”
The Grand Marshalls huffed amongst themselves and excused themselves for a
moment. They were gone for a good hour. Upon their return, they agreed. Lenalee
smiled, thanking them. She shared a triumphant look with Allen. Getting the
other three Generals to agree with them was going to be very, very easy.
---
August 20, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Tuan Chu and Tamas Varga had both readily agreed to side with Allen and
Lenalee. They had both mentioned noticing the man’s growing incompetence but
had been completely shocked by Timcanpy’s evidence. Cyrah Kabbah had stunned
them both. Lenalee had been prepared to remove her earlier threat and had told
the woman so, but she had disagreed, stating that she would consent to back
them without bribery. Her hand twitched to her whip as if itching to beat the
foul Director—or perhaps the Grand Marshalls. Lenalee had known for a while
that the Order was corrupt—after all, they did horrific tests on innocent human
subjects—but she had never felt it was this unbearable. It had gotten better
close to the end all those years ago, as the Order could no longer afford to go
against its Exorcists, but the fact that such corruption still remained
sickened Lenalee. She was immensely glad she now had the power to do something
about it.
Lenalee walked down the hallway, a tray of coffee in her hands. She was very
relieved to be moving on her own power again. Her legs had gradually regained
mobility over the course of the past week and a half, and now she had full
range of motion again. She smiled happily at that fact and looked down at the
clear rings around her ankles. Every time they caught the light, they glinted
Innocence green, as if showing off their power. Reaching her goal, Lenalee held
out a hand and rapped loudly on Kanda-kun’s door.
“Lavi, I’m coming in,” she said, pushing the door open. The sight before her
was exactly the same as it had been each time she’d come by. Lavi was sitting
with his back against the headboard, and Kanda-kun was lying, comatose, on the
bed. The only difference was that Kanda-kun was facing away from Lavi, rather
than toward him. She had seen him like that a few times, and each time seemed
to be while he was actually asleep, rather than in the protective stupor he’d
been in since Lavi’s failed suicide attempt.
Lenalee had been around more than was necessary, as she wasn’t sure of Lavi’s
mental stability. He had seemed to bounce right back, and he no longer seemed
depressed. He was different, though, more serious and smiling less. Whenever he
saw her, he gave her a small smile, which was different from the smiles he’d
always given her before, and Lenalee thought it seemed more genuine, as if his
smiles before had meant nothing. Which she knew was true.
“Lavi, I brought coffee,” she said, holding the tray out for him as she reached
the bedside, stepping over piles of thick books.
Lavi sniffed it cautiously. “You haven’t drugged this again, have you?” He
asked. Lenalee blushed. After the first three days, it had become very clear
that Lavi had not slept at all. Her newest friend, Artemis, had been kind
enough to lend her sleeping pills, and she had remorselessly thrown them into
Lavi’s drink. He’d realized what she’d done a moment too late, and Lenalee
suspected that that had been the only time he’d actually slept since Kanda-kun
had gone despondent.
“You know I have,” Lenalee replied as Lavi put the mug back on her tray, nose
wrinkling.
“You know, I thought I could trust Miranda, but wouldn’t you know? I felt
horribly sleepy last night, and when I woke up, there was a broken mug on the
ground and coffee stains on the sheets. Did you know narcotics are illegal?”
Lenalee blushed harder. Just what had Miranda put in his coffee? She’d asked
Miranda to put in something that would make him sleep, but—
“I really don’t like being doped up on Morphine,” Lavi continued, “and when I
woke up, Yuu was screaming. And from the sound of his voice, it had been going
on for a while. You know what he was screaming, Lenalee?”
Horrified, she shook her head.
“It was my name.”
Lenalee’s heart ached. She ducked her head. “I’ll stop doing it,” she said.
“I don’t particularly care that you’re trying to make me sleep—I don’t even
care about the Morphine—but I do care that I wasn’t awake to help Yuu. You
know, that was the first thing he’d said in days. When he opened his eyes, he
mentioned something about me not being there, that I was dead.”
She felt tears falling steadily from her eyes.
“Lenalee, why does Yuu think I’m dead?”
“You don’t remember?” She asked thickly, trying not to choke on her tears.
“I know I did something bad, but I don’t know what it was.”
“You’re telling me you don’t remember jumping off the observation deck?!” She
asked, her voice becoming shrill as she unintentionally screamed the last few
words.
Lavi looked taken aback.
“I did what?” He asked, his voice blank with shock.
“And Kanda-kun tried to catch you. He missed, though.”
“How am I still alive?” He asked in wonder.
“Why do you think my Innocence evolved again?” She asked rhetorically. “I saved
you.” Lavi opened his mouth to ask another question, but Lenalee spoke on. “I
saw you jump as I was passing one of the tower’s windows, so I jumped out of
it. I used my Innocence to get to you in time. I was at the farthest window,
and since most of the power of my jump went into shattering the glass, I
couldn’t quite reach you. I don’t know how I did it, but I made my Innocence
solidify the air around it and was able to catch you.”
Lavi, for once, looked at a loss for words.
“You’re very heavy, you know,” Lenalee added.
“I know,” he answered, his voice devoid of all emotion and his eye wide. “Did I
really do that?” He asked after a while, his voice thin with some foreign thing
Lenalee couldn’t place.
“Yes,” she said in a hushed voice. Lavi looked down sadly at his lap, and his
Innocence-ridden hand twirled absently in the ends of Kanda-kun’s hair. She saw
a solitary tear glisten as it fell down his face.
“Yuu told me he cared about me,” he mentioned, still playing with Kanda-kun’s
hair.
Lenalee gaped.
“I know,” Lavi said, grimacing. “It must mean he cares a lot, because otherwise
he wouldn’t be like this. If he wakes up, he’ll kill me himself, just for doing
this to him.”
“When,” Lenalee corrected quietly.
“Eh?”
“‘When he wakes up,’ not ‘if,’” Lenalee said firmly. Lavi shook his head.
“I don’t know if he will. After what I did to him, I wouldn’t be surprised if
he didn’t.”
Understanding hit Lenalee like one of Komui’s inventions. Lavi was feeling
guilt—not that horrible feeling when one does something wrong, but that all-
encompassing feeling of complete and utter responsibility. Lavi felt guilty for
Kanda-kun’s current state. It had been his fault—there was no denying that—but
to feel it to this extent was ridiculous.
“Lavi, you need to stop feeling responsible for this. Kanda-kun’s been on the
verge of this since he joined the Order. You just… pushed him over the edge. It
was bound to happen eventually,” she said soothingly, putting a comforting hand
on Lavi’s cheek.
“Eh?” He asked, and his eye looked entirely hopeless.
“I’ve been down that road before. I know what mental pain is like. When I first
met Kanda-kun, I knew something was wrong. I heard General Tiedoll talking to
the Director—that was before Komui got there—and he mentioned something about
severe abuse. Kanda-kun doesn’t show it, but whatever life he had before the
Order was so entirely traumatic that it took nearly half a year for him to even
begin to trust Tiedoll. He didn’t, you know, before he met Hevlaska…” Lenalee’s
voice trailed as she remembered. Slowly, she began to explain what happened to
Lavi.
January 15, 1879—The Dark Order, Main Branch
It was Wednesday. Lenalee didn’t care. It was like every other day: empty. But
today, something different happened, breaking the monotony, if only slightly.
The Director told her to go greet the arriving General and his students. She
knew that Noise Marie had been traveling with Tiedoll for a while, but she’d
heard that Tiedoll had picked up a new pupil. She very much looked forward to
meeting them. Her only friends were the Finders or members of the Science
Department. And even then, they weren’t real friends, just people she talked
to. The only real friend she had was the Matron, and she only got to talk to
her when the old woman wasn’t busy, which wasn’t often. She had a lonely life.
It wasn’t hard to figure out why, though. She had no parents, and the Dark
Order had even separated her from her one remaining family member. She missed
Komui. She always would.
The General strode through the main gates, and behind him, she could make out
the muscular form of Noise Marie. She heard a light shuffling sound following
them and saw a third person. She was very small, with chin-length hair. She
wore Japanese-style clothing, and she clutched a large, thin sword as she
shuffled in. It was nearly as tall as she was. She couldn’t have been more than
six or seven. What struck Lenalee most, though, was her flat, lifeless eyes.
They were as dark as night and matched her hair color completely. She stooped,
making her look even shorter, and she was skeletally thin. Lenalee knew that if
she were to see the other girl shirtless, she would see very defined ribs. Her
face was almost gaunt, as if she had only recently stopped eating.
Tiedoll marched past her, patting her on the head as he went by.
“Take care of our newest Exorcist. His name is Kanda Yuu.” He gave her a
fatherly smile and moved on, gesturing for Marie to follow.
His? This young child was male? How?
“W-welcome t-to the Dark O-order, Kanda Yuu,” she managed to stammer out
through her shock. “I’m Lenalee Lee. I’ve been here for two years now, so if
you have any questions, feel free to ask.”
The tiny boy in front of her didn’t make any acknowledgment of what she had
said, staring out into space and shaking as if he were cold.
“Are you hungry?” Lenalee asked. The boy shook his head infinitesimally. “Of
course you are. You look it. Come on, we’re getting you something to eat.” She
grabbed the boy’s hand and started to pull him to the dining hall. Immediately,
she regretted it. He flinched back, and for the first time, his face took on
some emotion. Lenalee wished he had remained impassive. His eyes had gone wide
in barely suppressed panic, and his mouth opened as he drew in a fearful gasp.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m sorry,” she said, drawing back and throwing her
hands up in surrender. The boy shrank back, clutching his overlarge sword
tightly. His shivering had gotten worse.
“I promise I’ll never touch you again,” she said, hoping that would be enough
to get the boy to respond.
“I am hungry.” His words were halting, as if he was having trouble finding and
pronouncing them. He sounded a lot like she had when she had first learned
English.
“Okay, then. Follow me, and I’ll take you to the dining hall.” She smiled at
him and then turned around, walking slowly until she was sure the boy was
following her.
“So, you’re Japanese, right?” She asked, and she turned to look in time to see
the boy nod. “What would you like to be called, then?”
“Kanda,” he said, his voice very quiet, just as it had been when he’d spoken
before.
“Would you mind if I added an honorific? I know it’s considered rude in Japan
not to use one. How about I call you Kanda-kun, since you’re younger than me?”
She looked back again. He looked affronted.
“I am ten,” he said, still in that hushed tone.
“Really? Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you were younger. You don’t mind if I call
you Kanda-kun, though, do you? I think Kanda-san sounds too formal.” The boy
shuddered when he heard “Kanda-san,” and Lenalee resolved right there never to
call him that.
Their conversation lapsed into silence until they reached the dining hall. She
handed Kanda-kun a tray as she grabbed one for herself. They stood in the short
line, and she waited as Jerry stared, wide-eyed at the newest Exorcist.
“Hey, cutie, what’s your name?” Jerry asked. Kanda-kun shrank back and broke
eye contact. “What would you like to eat?”
“Tempura,” Kanda-kun replied quietly, still looking away.
“I’m sorry, you’re gonna have to speak up, Lil’ Bit.”
Kanda-kun didn’t reply, just continued looking away. Lenalee stepped up. “He
said tempura, Jerry,” she told the man.
“Alright then. It’ll be ready in a minute, Lil’ Bit.” Jerry smiled cheerily at
Kanda-kun, but the young boy didn’t see it. He was now looking down at the
empty tray he carried in his hands. Lenalee didn’t know how he managed it, but
the boy was able to carry the sword at his chest while still holding the tray
with two hands. When the tempura was finished, Lenalee led them to a table in
the far off corner. No one was there, and Lenalee was sure that the boy would
be glad of that.
They ate in silence, and after they finished, the General walked in. He looked
relieved at the sight of Kanda-kun eating, and then he turned to Lenalee and
asked her to take Kanda-kun down to Hevlaska’s chamber. He walked out, saying
he would be there with the Director in a bit.
“Does your Innocence have a name?” She asked as they walked to the lift.
“Mugen,” the boy said quietly, proudly. He clutched the sword to his chest like
a lifeline, and Lenalee made the connection.
“Do you know how to use a sword yet?”
“Chokuto,” he muttered.
“Come again?” Lenalee asked. The boy looked confused. “Could you repeat that?”
She clarified.
“Not sword. It is a chokuto.” His voice was gruff this time.
“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. Do you know how to use your chokuto
yet?”
“No,” he whispered, looking sullen. Lenalee wanted to reach out and grab his
hand comfortingly, but she repressed the urge. She didn’t want the boy’s thin
trust in her to be snapped.
“I’m an Exorcist too, you know,” she said conversationally. She got no
response. Sighing, she looked over at Kanda-kun. “You don’t like me very much,
do you?” She asked, and she was surprised to note the slight hurt in her voice.
“I … do not—understand,” the boy finally admitted. He looked utterly defeated,
as if that confession had drained him of every ounce of his energy.
Lenalee started to explain, but the boy looked back at her blankly. She
wondered how much of her light conversation the boy had really understood. She
reminded herself that he’d only been with Tiedoll for a few months, so it
couldn’t have been much. However, he was young, and he’d probably only been
speaking English around his new Master. She knew he’d probably picked up a lot,
but not nearly enough to be considered anything near fluent.
The Grand Marshalls walked into their chairs and sat down as the lift stopped.
Lenalee walked off, and she was glad that Kanda-kun followed. The lift went
back up, and Lenalee knew the General and the Director would be arriving soon.
She heard a small, shaking noise from behind her. Kanda-kun was looking upward,
an expression of pure terror on his face. She followed his gaze and saw
Hevlaska.
“Don’t worry, Kanda-kun, that’s Hevlaska. She’s an Exorcist as well. She’ll be
inspecting your Innocence. It will feel weird, but it only lasts for a moment.”
The General and the Director arrived and urged Hevlaska to inspect Kanda-kun.
As the first tentacle snaked around his body to lift him up, Kanda-kun
shivered. As he was lifted into the air, he went limp. Lenalee gasped. She had
thought the boy shy and introverted, but this reaction was different. It was as
if he had given up, and Lenalee had the shaking feeling that if she saw the
boy’s eyes, they would be as blank as they’d been when he’d first arrived.
“Synchronization rate at ten percent… fifty-three percent… sixty-eight percent…
eighty-five percent… eighty-seven percent,” Hevlaska stated after placing her
forehead to Kanda-kun’s. Lenalee’s mouth dropped open.
“Such a high synch rate for one so young…” muttered one of the Grand Marshalls.
“We can expect great things from this one.”
Lenalee remembered back to her first meeting with Hevlaska. Her synch rate had
been in the twenties. Even now, it was very low, resting at a resolute thirty-
three.
Hevlaska lowered the boy to the platform, and he fell limply to the ground as
the support of her tentacles was removed. Lenalee watched as the General ran
over to the boy.
“Yuu-kun,” he said in a worried voice. “Yuu-kun, wake up, its okay.”
“Kanda-kun,” Lenalee said, running to his side a moment later. “General
Tiedoll, what’s wrong with him?”
“Yuu-kun has… many emotional scars,” the General said vaguely. “Would you take
him to my quarters, Lenalee? I need to have a word with the Director.” His face
looked angry, so Lenalee nodded and went to pick Kanda-kun up. He was
surprisingly light, and Lenalee could carry him with ease.
She took him up the lift and brought him to the General’s room. Carefully,
Lenalee placed him on the General’s soft bed. She had noted a smaller bed that
was likely for him, but she thought he’d prefer the comfort, and she knew the
General wouldn’t mind. He was a kind man, fatherly even. He was the only
Exorcist who wasn’t distant with Lenalee. He treated her as if she was special,
as if she was his own child.
She curled up on the opposite side of the large, king-size bed, and she
pretended to be asleep as the Director and the General walked in.
“He has a very peculiar spell that allows him to heal very quickly,” the
General said to the Director as the door opened. “It likely saved him from the
Akuma bullet he was struck with back in Egypt. I believe it was placed on him
to save him from a mortal injury. When I first found him, his entire body was
covered in light scars. As I found him collapsed on the road, I believe that he
may have been a runaway. I think he was heavily abused. Every reaction he’s
given to me, coupled with the fact that he still doesn’t trust me, makes me
believe my hypothesis is correct.” The General sounded wearied with emotion.
“He is still a very precious asset to this Order. You must train him well,
Tiedoll. Ensure that he does not kill himself.”
“I don’t think he could if he tried,” the General responded sadly. He lightly
rubbed the fringe from Kanda-kun’s forehead. He opened up the chest of Kanda-
kun’s Japanese robe, and Lenalee saw a black symbol overtop his left breast.
The Director made a contemplative sound. “We’ll have to test this once he
returns back to the Order. You say you want him to travel with you for a longer
period of time?”
“Yes. I think it will allow him time to heal, away from the prying of other
people. He seems to have taken to Lenalee, though. In such a short time, she’s
gained what little trust it’s taken months for me to build.”
“If we are speaking of abuse, perhaps it’s not that surprising,” the Director
said lightly. The General nodded, looking upset.
---
August 20, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lavi looked horrified as she finished relaying the story.
“I’ll never hurt him again,” he said, and Lenalee knew he was talking to
himself, making a promise that he would never allow himself to break.
“I was sent here to get you for your hearing,” Lenalee said, hating herself for
bringing up another painful subject.
“I can’t leave him, not if he thinks I’m dead. Make them come here,” Lavi
demanded almost childishly.
“They won’t be able to fit,” Lenalee answered, hoping that would be enough to
get the man to leave. She knew better, though.
“Then some of them can stand in the hall!” Lavi exclaimed, extending his right
arm outward in an outraged gesture.
“Lavi, let me stay with him,” she offered.
“But I can’t—I just promised never to hurt him again.” He turned an agonized
eye on Lenalee. “It will hurt him if I leave.”
“They need him, too, so bring him with you.”
“What!?” Lavi shouted. Kanda-kun stirred next to him but otherwise remained
comatose.
“I know it’s not fair, but we couldn’t talk the Grand Marshalls out of it.
Don’t worry; I’ll make sure nothing bad happens while you’re being questioned.
And if he asks for you, I don’t care about the consequences, I’ll barge in
there and get you.”
“Do you promise?” Lavi asked desperately.
“You can trust my word, Lavi,” Lenalee promised. Lavi nodded reluctantly and
glanced at the listless man next to him. He sighed, pushing the piles of books
away from the bedside—Lenalee had the idea that Lavi had been reading the
Order’s Law books—and shooed her from the room so he could get dressed. A
moment later, he walked out with Kanda-kun over his shoulder, looking defeated.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: So, the plot has finally started to move! Don’t worry—it’ll stop
     in a bit! :P We weren’t expecting this whole issue with Smith to
     happen, but it did, so there you have it :/ Somehow, Artemis became
     the drug dealer for the Order (Miranda got the Morphine from her,
     too). You’ll see some of her around chapter thirteen or so. :D
***** Uncomfortably Numb *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_11—Uncomfortably_Numb
August 20, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lavi shifted uncomfortably in the wooden chair. It was straight-backed, and it
cut painfully into the middle of his back. It was also too small, and his knees
came up too high for him to find any form of relaxation in it.
“Exorcist Lavi, do you understand why you are before us today?” The middle
Grand Marshall intoned.
“No,” Lavi replied nonchalantly, a large grin playing on his lips. “No, I
don’t.” He shook his head slightly as he spoke.
The Grand Marshall snorted. “You are here under the charges of attempted murder
and insubordination.”
“I was just trying to scare him!” Lavi protested, lying through his teeth. “I
knew Allen was there to stop the attack, and no harm was done, minus a few
burns that Smith brought upon himself. The only real reason I can think of for
being here is to stop you from harassing Yuu.” He folded his hands in his lap,
feeling rather triumphant as he leaned back in the too-small chair.
“Be that as it may, you still have disobeyed a direct order from the Director,”
the Grand Marshall said. “And so did your friend,” he added after a moment. The
smile immediately dropped from Lavi’s face.
“Yuu is irrelevant to my case, excepting that he disobeyed orders while helping
me recover from mental illness. According to Order Law number 437, article A,
sub-section C, line twenty-four, ‘an Exorcist is fully within his rights to
refuse a mission should he feel that his forces are needed elsewhere.’ As you
most likely know, I was suffering from extreme depression, multiple personality
disorder, and schizoaffective disorder. Though not officially diagnosed, I know
myself and my symptoms well enough to understand what I went through. I am
still having problems with the personalities, but my latest suicide attempt has
helped me somewhat to integrate most of my personalities. At the time,
therefore, I was not in the right mind to go on a mission, and as Yuu was
needed at my side, he refused missions as well.”
“He was hardly needed,” the main Grand Marshall scoffed. Lavi’s eye glinted
dangerously.
“Yuu stopped me from committing suicide twice. The third time, he didn’t get
there in time, and only Lenalee’s quick thinking and Innocence evolution saved
me,” Lavi said coldly, clutching the arms of the wooden chair.
“We were not informed of any suicide attempts,” the Grand Marshall spokesman
said, no longer accusatory, looking around at the other Grand Marshalls
questioningly.
“Well, yeah, it’s not like I was going to say anything, and it’s obvious that
no one was paying attention. As Director, Smith should have realized something
was wrong. The fact that I hadn’t left my room for days and then began acting
very strangely should have been indication enough. And after I hurt my hands,
it would be completely impossible for me to go on any mission at all. The first
time my hands worked properly was when I felt my Innocence running through
them. I suppose I do have Smith to thank for that.” Lavi stroked at his chin
wonderingly, staring out into the large chamber and focusing on nothing.
Indefinite moments passed, and Lavi suddenly became aware of a hand waving
rudely in front of his face.
“Eh?” He exclaimed, jumping and hitting his back hard on the chair. “What
happened?”
“He’s still alive,” said a voice near to him, and Lavi followed the hand back
to a man with dirty-blond hair and dark blue eyes. He was pale, and Lavi placed
the man’s accent as Hungarian. He wore a General’s jacket, and Lavi remembered
reading up on their current leaders. This man was most likely Tamas Varga.
“Now that the defendant is, er, conscious again, shall we continue?” Asked the
Grand Marshall who had been speaking the entire time.
“What else do you want me to disprove?” Lavi asked excitedly, jumping up to
stand on his chair with his pointer finger outstretched to the ceiling.
“Sit down, please,” the Grand Marshall said, sighing. Had he not been obscured
by shadows, Lavi imagined he would have been shaking his head.
“Don’t wanna,” Lavi pouted, crossing his arms over his chest.
The door burst open, and Lenalee appeared.
“Lavi!” She shouted, her eyes wild with fear. “He just started screaming, and
he won’t stop. Please, help.”
“Okay, Lenalee, I’ll be right there!” Lenalee looked relieved and ran back
outside. Lavi jumped down from the chair. Looking up at the Grand Marshalls, he
added, “excuse me, gentlemen, I’ll be right back.” Pausing at the door he said,
“Oh, and I have another point: according to the new 2012 edition of the Order’s
rulebook, page 435, article 13, line 5, ‘an Exorcist, with the support of the
full number of Generals is well within his rights to remove a Director from his
position and disregard all orders if he/ she finds said Director unable to
properly perform his duties due to incompetence or if said Director presents a
danger to fellow Order members.’”
He pointedly ignored the outraged protests coming from above and left
Hevlaska’s chamber. The second he stepped outside, he could hear distant yells,
and he ran toward them.
Yuu’s screams were wordless this time, thankfully. Lavi stooped down to the
thrashing Exorcist and placed a hand on the other man’s head.
“Shhh, calm down, Yuu, it’s okay,” he mumbled, rubbing his hand gently, not
digging his fingers into the other man’s hair. He knew Yuu hated that. Slowly,
the man began to quiet to Lavi’s words, eventually reduced to light tremors and
small whimpers. Lavi suppressed a tear and gave Yuu a gentle hug, wrapping his
arms around the man’s neck. “You’ll be okay, Yuu. I won’t ever hurt you again.
Please, just see that I’m here.” He sat back, dragging Yuu with him until the
man was lying despondently on his shoulder. Their chests pressed against each
other, and Lavi moved his arms down to Yuu’s back.
“I love you, Yuu,” he whispered in the other man’s ear. “Please, please, see
that I’m here.” His voice was thick, but he was glad he had managed to keep his
tears at bay. He didn’t want to look like he had been crying when he went back
to the Grand Marshalls.
Tentatively, hands went around his waist, holding him there.
“Rabi,” the Japanese man murmured, and the tone was so heartbreakingly sad that
Lavi knew the man still didn’t realize that he was alive.
“Yuu, I’m right here,” he said in Japanese, pulling the man closer.
“Doushite?” Yuu asked in an agonized whisper. “Why did you die?”
This time, Lavi couldn’t keep the tears back, and he cried silently into Yuu’s
hair, wetting it.
“I’m so sorry,” he cried softly.
He heard the door open, but his only reaction was to pull Yuu even closer, his
grip becoming vice-like, as if Yuu was the only thing keeping him together.
“We’re going to question Kanda Yuu now,” the intruder said quietly. Lavi
smirked.
“Good luck with that,” he sneered, chuckling.
---
He was dead. Dead. Very, very dead. Yuu had seen him fall, and the scene kept
replaying in his mind—how he’d grasped the man’s wrist, how it had slipped from
that selfsame grasp. Yuu felt something break inside him. Everything lost
meaning. He was alone again. He didn’t know when it had started, but at some
point, that man had become very, very important, bypassing all the walls Yuu
had erected around his heart. The heart he had tried—and very obviously
failed—to ignore. His chest ached, so he pushed the pain away, trying to fall
back into the icy oblivion that he had become so accustomed to.
Why? Why had he let this happen? Hadn’t he told himself so many times that this
would happen if he cared?
The ache returned to his chest, stronger now, too strong. He felt consumed by
it—so he hid from it. He let himself fall into the dark, cold place, devoid of
all sight, sound, and most importantly, memory.
There was a voice….
From somewhere far away, it drifted lightly down to find him.
“Yuu,” Recognition flitted across his mind but quickly faded; that voice
couldn’t be there. “Yuu, it’s time to go inside now.” He felt his body respond
automatically; he just let it, nothing mattered anymore. The voice continued
and became harder to understand. Yuu still didn’t care.
“Ne, Yuu, let’s go back to your room, okay?” Yuu understood that, but the voice
hurt, made the ache break through his darkness. He pushed himself deeper into
his oblivion, once again letting his body respond on its own.
The voice said something else, but he wouldn’t let mind comprehend it. It hurt
too much.
“You’re dead,” he said to the voice, hoping to make it go away, to stop that
horrible ache that wouldn’t leave his chest. He felt he deserved this; he had
brought it on himself by caring.
But the farther he pushed into oblivion, the closer the memories came, all his
barriers were broken. They flashed vividly through his mind. Where was Lavi to
wake him up? Oh, yes, he was dead. He wouldn’t have that particular comfort
anymore.
Pain. He hurt. His father was hurting him. He was screaming, but more he
screamed, the harder he hit, and the harder he hit, the more he screamed. It
was a never-ending vicious cycle. But it was better than having his mother feel
this. He was glad that he could at least protect her during the night.
-
A short, old man strode through the main gate. Behind him, his apprentice
walked, chattering happily. The short man stopped after a moment and hit his
apprentice on the head. Yuu scoffed. These two were the highly-anticipated
Bookman and his heir. They both had been chosen by Innocence, and they would be
fighting on the Order’s side as they recorded history.
Yuu knew immediately that he could never trust these two people. They were
Bookmen—heartless, cruel creatures who had once been human. They would spare no
one and back no one up on the battlefield. Fighting alongside them would be
worse than fighting with his true allies. His true allies were incompetent,
unable to coordinate naturally with him. Yuu was tired of making an effort to
fight with them, and he thought he fought best on his own anyway. But the
Bookmen, they battled with no one.
“Strike!”
Yuu looked back at the two men and saw the apprentice staring at him with lust
in his eyes. Yuu felt his cold mask slip from his face, replaced with horror.
“Ooooi, what’s your name?” The apprentice called, waving a gloved hand at him.
Yuu scoffed and turned around again, heading to the dining hall. He decided he
would have soba. He hadn’t had it in a few days.
“So, what’s your name?” Asked a voice in his ear. Yuu jumped. He hadn’t even
heard the other boy come up behind him. He must have been too preoccupied with
dinner, and he cursed his inattentiveness.
Yuu scoffed again, picking up his pace.
“Is‘che’ all you can say?” The apprentice asked. Yuu growled.
“Stop following me like a rabbit. Don’t you have better things to do?” He hated
that his voice still hadn’t broken completely, echoing loud and high in the
stone corridor.
“That’s not very ladylike of you,” the apprentice complained.
“Urusei, Baka Usagi!”Yuu yelled. He hated how his voice squeaked.
“So youareJapanese?” The idiot apprentice tried to clarify.
Relief flooded through Yuu as he saw Lenalee and Tiedoll walking down the
opposite hallway, deep in conversation. Tiedoll caught sight of him and hailed
him over.
“Yuu-kun! We’re just going to get dinner, would you like to join us?” His
General andShishouasked.
Yuu scoffed, but he fell into step with them, hoping the rabbit would take the
hint. Of course, the apprentice had to be an idiot, and he didn’t take it.
“Yuu-kun? Wait, you’re aguy!?”
Yuu was going to kill this idiot. He felt the vein at his temple begin to
pulse. He could ignore this. He wasn’t allowed to kill Exorcists.
“I could’veswornyou were agirl!I’m sorry, Yuu-chan!”
Yuu twitched. His hand reached, lightning-fast, to the hilt of his Innocence,
and he drew Mugen before he was even aware of having done so. He swung it to
bear at the Bookman heir, leveling it just a centimeter from the tip of the
other boy’s nose. The boy stopped immediately.
Yuu would make an exception for this particular idiot.
“Don’t,” he growled, “call me by my first name.” He swung Mugen back.
“Kanda-kun, stop!”
Suddenly, Lenalee was in front of him, booted foot high in the air, blocking
what would have been a fatal blow.
“Che,” he scoffed. He sheathed Mugen in one swift motion and stalked off to the
dining hall.
The idiot did not leave him alone.
The next morning, the redheaded idiot followed Yuu to the dining hall, calling
him by intimate names and expressions of shock and dismay at Yuu’s male status.
Yuu grabbed Mugen’s hilt angrily for the entire meal, trying to ignore the
idiot chatting away—in Japanese—and using the familiar and girly “kimi” with
him.
“You know, Yuu-chan, I don’t think you’ve told me your surname yet,” the stupid
rabbit commented, his mouth disgustingly full of hash browns.
“Kanda,” he hissed. “And I’ll thank you to call me that.”
“Nothin’ doin’, Yuu-chan!” The idiot exclaimed. Yuu growled softly under his
breath.
“Stop being so damn intimate with someone you’ve just met, Baka Usagi!” he
yelled, standing up and knocking the bench over. He abandoned his untouched
soba noodles and stalked away, still gripping Mugen’s hilt.
“Why are you running away, Yuu-chan?” The Infernal Rabbit yelled, running after
him, three or four slices of toast in one hand (in the other was a jar of jam
and a knife). “Wait for me!”
“Stop bothering me,Baka!” Why couldn’t he get through? Wasn’t it rather obvious
that he hated the boy?
“I’m not “Baka,” I’m Lavi,” the idiot stated, his mouth full of eggs and bacon.
He caught up to Yuu, grabbing his arm and pulling him to face the other boy.
Yuu was not expecting to have Lavi’s lips cover his. He tasted eggs. He
wrenched his arm from the redhead’s grip and stormed off. He needed to clean
out his mouth.
“I’m not done with you yet, Yuu-chan!” Lavi called. Yuu ignored him. He knew
that if he turned around, he would not hesitate to kill the other boy. And
Bookman heir or not, the other boy was still an Exorcist.
His stomach started churning, and he quickly hurried to the nearest bathroom.
He didn’t even care that it was one of the women’s facilities.
-
Her beautiful, raven-feather hair looked like black seaweed against her
lifeless face. Her deep brown eyes stared blankly, soullessly, at nothing. Her
expression was peaceful, even though her face was marred with half-healed or
partially-formed bruises. Her arm was at an odd angle, and she lay on a bed of
blood, which had long ago stopped its slow advance toward Yuu. Her mouth no
longer turned up in that serene smile she always wore. Her hands did not sweep
up to brush his fringe away from his eyes as they always did when she saw him.
She was not breathing.
She had no heartbeat.
Yuu knew she was dead. He knew it just like the pain that now covered his left
breast. Her life had been like a lotus flower, incredibly beautiful and
agonizingly short but everlasting in his mind. He clutched the stem of his
lifeline and tore his eyes from the horrific image. He ran over to the small
cabinet where they kept mementos of his grandparents. Dumping his grandmother’s
ashes into his grandfather’s urn, he took the deceased lady’s urn and carefully
placed the lotus flower inside.
He put on a newjinbei, wincing as each movement he made hurt his barely-healed
ribs and still battered body. Pausing only to say good-bye once more to his
mother’s body, he left. He never once turned back.
His heart ached, and he desperately wanted Lavi to be there, to make it go
away. He didn’t know when it had begun, but Lavi’s presence had been able to
keep his mind off of less pleasant things. He’d never remembered his father
when Lavi called him by that awful name, and whenever Yuu slipped up and
accidentally began to think about his past, Lavi would be there to get him to
concentrate on something else. He desperately needed the man.
“Rabi!” He shouted. The name sounded so good on his lips that he yelled it
again, and again. The man was dead, though, and he wouldn’t be there. Still, it
felt so wonderful just to hear the name.
He was hallucinating again. That voice was there, and it shouldn’t have been.
That voice was as dead as its owner. Warm arms were around him, but he knew
they weren’t really there, so he allowed himself to dream they were.
The dream was heartbreaking, though, so Yuu pushed himself back into the sweet
darkness. He needed it, because otherwise, how would he survive?
He pushed farther into the nothingness, and meaning left him, but the dreams
didn’t.
He was back on the observation deck, and that was Lavi in front of him. He
didn’t understand why, but he ran up to the other man and gathered him in his
arms.
“Baka Usagi,” he whispered into Lavi’s ear. “I thought you were dead.”
Lavi chuckled. “But Iamdead, Yuu-chan,” he responded, and he flew through Yuu’s
grip like Tyki Mikk. He ghosted over to the rail and floated until he was on
top of it. “But I’ll see you at the bottom, ne?” He smiled brightly at Yuu and
stepped off, falling forward.
Yuu screamed. No.No.This couldn’t happen again. He ran to the rail, attempting
to catch the redhead’s wrist, but this time he missed by mere centimeters.
“Sorry, Yuu,” he grimaced. “But I’m dead. You can’t catch dead people.” His
grimace turned into a sad smile, and his eye locked on Yuu’s as he fell. Yuu
watched the entire time, until the other man’s body hit the ground with a
sickening crunch.
Bile rose in the back of his throat, and he wanted nothing more than to throw
it up. He saw every broken bone sticking out from Lavi’s back, as if the tower
wasn’t fifty kilometers above the ground. He saw every droplet of blood and
every splatter of gore.
He didn’t mean to, but he screamed.
It sounded like Lenalee, but of course, Lenalee was away on a mission. Then she
was gone, and then there was that voice, calming him even though it wasn’t
there. He was being embraced, and the grip was growing excessively tight, but
he didn’t care, because now he was really hallucinating. He could smell Lavi.
That sensuous blend of old paper, ink, and something so distinctly Lavi that he
couldn’t place it. He grabbed onto it, not wanting it gone. It was as if his
body was trying to tell him everything was alright, and Yuu desperately wanted
to believe that, even though nothing could ever be alright again, because Lavi
was dead.
He heard voices around him. Lavi’s scent was gone. Lavi was gone. But he
already knew that. His heart ached again, but for some reason, he couldn’t
reach that blessed oblivion. He reached out for it, but it wasn’t there. Yuu’s
heartbeat picked up. He needed the void, but it was gone. It was as gone as
Lavi was. His heart raced. Where was it? He vaguely heard strange, gasping
noises, and he wanted whoever was making them to shut the fuck up, because he
couldn’t concentrate. His mind was going too fast and too slow at the same
time. He could feel someone there with him, but then they were gone. Like Lavi.
He heard a keening noise, and he wanted to punch the maker of it. Couldn’t they
keep it down? He couldn’t think when they were making so much sound, and he
just wanted peace and quiet, an oblivion that he could sink into again, because
anything was better than the hurt that was welling up in his chest.
There was another gasping sound, and everything was so wet. Why was he wet? And
why wouldn’t that idiot just shut up? But then he realized it was him, and he
took a disjointed arm and slammed it into his head.
Ah. There was that gentle nothingness. He felt himself being pulled into it,
and he relaxed for a while, glad to just float in the unfeelingness of it all.
The voice was back, and Yuu wanted very much to wake up and tell it to get the
fuck away from him, because it wasn’t real, dammit.
“Go away,”he finally managed to say, “you’re dead.”
“But I’m not dead, if you would just wake up and look!” The voice said back
insolently. Yuu wanted to pry an eye open to prove to it that it wasn’t alive,
but his muscles weren’t cooperating with him.
“Please, Yuu, please just see me,” the voice said. It sounded broken, and Yuu
frowned unintentionally. He wasn’t back in the darkness, nor was he simply
drifting. The voice was bringing him dangerously close to the surface, and he
wasn’t ready to deal with the pain again. It hurt more than it had when he had
been fighting with Tyki, when his father had first beaten him, when his mother
had died.
He was in someone’s arms, and there was a warm, completely unreal hand on the
back of his head. His head moved up and down at a very slow pace, as if he were
lying on someone’s chest, which was, of course, impossible. Because Yuu didn’t
do such things. Because that implied that Yuu cared, and there was nothing he
cared about anymore, because when he cared about things, they died. Or they
hurt him, which was just as bad.
He heard a door open.
“Lavi, I’ve got coffee for you.”
Lenalee seemed to have joined his hallucination, then. It must have been
because he’d unwittingly begun to care for her, too. He’d have to be more
careful about his emotions now.
“Hold on, he seems very close to consciousness, and I don’t want to sleep.”
“You say that like you don’t trust me not to drug you again, Lavi.”
“I don’t.”
“That hurts, Lavi. That hurts.”
“Sorry.” Lavi’s not-there voice didn’t seem very apologetic. Yuu snorted
lightly, and the voices went quiet for a second. He felt himself be shifted,
and suddenly his stomach felt very cold, as if he had been lying on it
previously.
“Do you mind if I try?” Lenalee’s not-there voice asked.
“May as well. Nothing else has worked.”
“Kanda-kun, wake up. Lavi’s here and he’s really worried about you. Will you
wake up and yell at him, maybe threaten to run him through with Mugen? Come on,
we all miss you,” not-there-Lenalee cajoled him.
“You’re not here,” he mumbled, trying to turn. He found his movement impaired
by the gentle but firm hand on his head.
“Kanda-kun, why don’t you open your eyes and see for yourself? Lavi’s alive,
you know.”
“Why should I do something when I already know what will happen?” He growled,
angry at the clarity with which the voices were coming now. He wanted to go
back to being quiet, peaceful. He wanted his nothingness back, because then he
didn’t have to feel the ache in his chest. It hurt.
“Kanda-kun, please? If you do this, I promise you I won’t make you do anything
else,” not-there-Lenalee pleaded.
Yuu scoffed but figured that perhaps it would make his hallucinations go away.
He cracked an eye open and promptly shut it. He was seeing things. Nothing else
would explain why there was a one-eyed, redheaded Exorcist leaning very close
to his face.
“You still think I’m dead?” Came not-there-Lavi’s voice, and it sounded almost…
mournful.
Yuu didn’t need to answer that, because it was already apparent. Not-there-Lavi
sighed and Yuu must really have been in the deep, dark depths of hallucination,
because he was now feeling things that weren’t there. Like Lavi’s breath
hitting his face. He smelled bacon and eggs on the non-existent breath. He knew
that was all wrong, though—Lavi liked toast.
“What can I do to make you understand I’m still alive?” Not-Lavi asked.
“But you’re not,” he said, starting to get angry. Really, why couldn’t his
hallucinations leave him alone?
“Did you even see me hit the ground?” Not-Lavi asked. Yuu tensed. He had seen
Lavi fall, hand still outstretched from where Yuu had briefly caught it, an
utterly blank look on his face. But he’d stumbled back from the rail, unwilling
to see the one he lo—cared about—splatter on the ground.
“Kanda-kun, I caught him!” Not-Lenalee said, and then she did something to make
him believe. She slapped him. “Kanda-kun, wake up and see what’s in front of
you. You remember passing me on the way up to the tower, right? My Innocence is
the only one that could have saved him, and I did. Please, you’re making Lavi
hurt. I know it’s nothing compared with what you’re feeling, but please believe
that he’s alive!” She sounded patronizing at the beginning, but by the end,
tears were in her voice, and it was that more than anything else that made Yuu
rethink his previous assumption. This was either real, or he had very, very
realistic hallucinations. Because his face stung.
He heard feet walking away and a door open. “Lavi, I can’t watch this anymore,”
Maybe-Lenalee said, her voice cracking with emotion. It was quiet for a moment,
and he heard a non-existent sigh.
“Y—Kanda, just wake up. I know I’ve hurt you more than you can bear, but
please… wake up. I—” Maybe-Lavi’s voice broke and paused. There was a
determined intake of breath. “I – I love you.”
Yuu knew it wasn’t a hallucination. His own mind wouldn’t call him Kanda,
especially when it was acting as Lavi, and the idea of Lavi loving him was so…
so preposterous that it could only be real.
His eyes snapped open.
“Rabi!” He exclaimed, sitting bolt upright. He immediately felt dizzy and fell
back onto his pillow.
“Well, that’s a hell of a way for you to wake up,” Lavi replied, and Yuu forced
his weak eyes to stay open, because this was definitely Lavi.
“How are you not dead?” He asked, desperate to know the answer. He managed to
sit up again, but he fell forward onto Lavi from dizziness.
“Lenalee caught me. You know, her synch rate went above two hundred percent
because of it. Mine just hit it—Hevlaska’s calling it the Double Critical. Not
very inventive, really. But anyway, it looks like your Innocence evolves when
you hit Double Critical, because Oodzuchi Kodzuchi’s clear now, rather than
that dark red of crystal type. The Grand Marshalls don’t have a name for it, so
they’re just calling it crystal type, too. No one here has an imagination…
Yuu?”
Yuu realized his eyes had shut. He was fighting off the unconsciousness. He
didn’t want to go to sleep—Lavi was here, and he didn’t want to be apart from
him anymore. The darkness dragged him down against his will, though, and when
he next woke, the sun was shining brightly through his window. From the
strength of the rays, it was probably late evening.
He reached around, his hand seeking Lavi. He needed to know that hadn’t been a
dream. He calmed as he found a very familiar wrist. It jerked as he touched it.
“Damn you, Lenalee!” Lavi’s voice shouted. “You’re putting it in my food now?”
Now he sounded incredulous.
“Rabi?” He asked. He felt a cool hand on his forehead.
“You’re awake again?” Lavi asked.
“I can’t stay awa…” But Yuu was pulled under again.
The third time he awoke, it was dark outside, and he was pressed tightly
against a very humanlike pillow. His arms were around what seemed to be a bare
waist. He didn’t have the energy to tense. And when he finally managed to open
his eyes and see who it was, he didn’t want to. Instead, he pulled himself
closer. Lavi was still alive. His heart felt so light, so relieved, so happy…
Wait… he was happy?
“Rabi…” His voice was faint and he wasn’t sure if the other man heard.
“I’m here, Yuu.” Yuu felt relief but he couldn’t seem to keep his eyes open.
“Lavi,” he said, managing to speak in (very accented) English for the first
time. “I can’t stay awake. Keep me… awake.” He sighed. “Please,” he added in a
small voice.
“What do you want me to do, Yuu?” Lavi asked, his chest vibrating with his
voice against Yuu’s face.
“Just keep me awake,” he ordered, already feeling himself being thrown back
into the dark seas of unconsciousness.
Lavi moved out of his grip, and Yuu felt his consciousness slip just a little
bit. But then there was breath on his face before Lavi’s lips descended on his
own. Awareness flickered into being. The Ex-Bookman's lips moved silently from
Yuu’s to his ear. The other man’s voice was breathy, “Are you awake yet?”
The second the sensation stopped, Yuu felt his awareness fade, and he reached
up and pulled Lavi closer. He shook his head, unable to speak. Not that he
would have allowed himself to if he could. He heard Lavi chuckle slightly.
“Alright, well, I guess I’ll have to wake you up, then.”
He felt the heat of the man’s lips on his neck, and Yuu shivered, this time not
out of fear. His reaction invited Lavi to nibble at the skin tenderly. The
dark-haired man's breath came out in a hiss of pleasure. Lavi smiled against
his neck and then moved his lips to Yuu’s mouth. Yuu was startled by the
gentleness with which the redhead teased at his lips. But it was too gentle,
and Yuu felt himself slip away. Not wanting to lose the sensation of Lavi right
there in front of him, he pulled the other man’s head down none-too-gently.
Lavi made a startled noise in the back of his throat.
Lavi’s kisses were no longer teasing, and Yuu was startled by the abrupt, but
welcome, change. He gasped, opening his mouth slightly, and the other man took
that as an invitation. Of course he would, Yuu thought before he drowned in the
moment. Lavi’s tongue brushed lightly across the roof of his mouth, and he was
surprised to find himself reciprocating.
Kissing had never felt like this—so warm, so open, so good. He shivered again
as Lavi moved his lips down his neck. He felt Lavi’s fingers trail down to his
tattoo. He lightly traced the pattern as his mouth reached Yuu’s collarbone.
The redhead slid his other hand along Yuu’s chest and pulled back, gasping.
“Yuu,” he panted, “how did you get all of—”
He didn’t want to hear that question, didn’t want to remember anything related
to his scars, so he pulled Lavi’s mouth back to his, wanting to be lost in the
other man’s touch, wanting to hide from the memories that the question had
brought to the surface. Lavi moaned as the other man’s tongue twined around
his. Yuu’s pants started to feel tight. It was strange. He had never wanted his
body to react like this before. Normally, he would have been repulsed by it,
but he ignored it because he didn’t want this to end, and he desperately wanted
to stay awake.
He pulled Lavi closer, and their hips rubbed together for a moment. Yuu sucked
in a shaky breath at the contact. Lavi’s situation was worse than his.
It was as if grabbing Lavi was the spark that set off the fire between the two,
and suddenly the redhead’s hands were at his waist, undoing his button and fly
and slipping his pants and boxers off in one fluid motion. Yuu didn’t stay
still either—he quickly divested the man of all clothing. Lavi’s hands trailed
down between his legs, and the dark-haired man groaned as the other man’s hand
encircled him. His hips rolled up into the touch.
“Yuu,” Lavi whispered, lowering his mouth to follow the Lotus Spell’s pattern.
He forced himself not to make a noise as Lavi’s teeth scraped over his left
nipple. His hands moved to Lavi’s hair, holding the man where he was. His head
went back as waves of pleasure rolled over him. He had never before felt
something so good, so intense, and his body was craving it now.
Lavi moved his hand gently along Yuu’s length, teasing him. Yuu was almost
overcome by the sensation. His other hand moved from Yuu’s side and down his
back. It rested for a moment at the curve of his hip before moving inward. He
felt a finger press lightly, intimately, inside him. Yuu froze. As good as
everything else had felt, that sensation was something he wanted to forget.
Lavi paused his ministrations, frowning slightly, and despite everything, Yuu
moaned at the lack of stimulation. Lavi twirled his finger experimentally, and
his frown deepened.
“Yuu,” he breathed. “You’re not a virgin, are you?” He removed both hands and
moved back until he was sitting, facing Yuu on the bed.
Yuu froze. He didn’t want to face this. He wasn’t going to. But all the
memories—the ones he’d been hiding from since he’d left his dead mother on the
floor and ran—welled up inside him, pelting at the fragile walls of his sanity.
“No,” he whispered, unable to make a louder sound. “I’m sorry.” He let his hair
fall around him. Suddenly, his bedspread had become excruciatingly interesting.
He picked at a loose thread absently, trying to keep the memories from
destroying him.
He felt warm arms encircle him and pull him into a warm chest. He cursed
himself for being weak as tears poured down his face, getting caught on Lavi’s
bare chest and falling to pool in the sheets.
“Who did it?” Lavi asked softly, gently rubbing his back overtop his long hair.
Yuu didn’t respond. He couldn’t.
“Was it the same person who gave you all those scars?” At this, Yuu felt
himself nod, and with that, all the barriers he’d built around the painful
memories shattered, and he grasped at Lavi like a lifeline as the pain hit him,
as fresh as it had been when he’d sealed it away.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: This is the chapter before the epic angst scene, and LOOK!
     Naked! :D
     As for the managing to speak English for the first time in a while
     bit, Yuu is actually wrong, and he had spoken English just a bit
     before that, but his brain is being a bit faulty, so it’s ok.
     As a warning, the next chapter IS NOT work-safe and/or for people
     under seventeen. It nearly made us both vomit writing it—it’s also
     epically long. For people under seventeen and people who don’t want
     to read things including torture, graphic rape, and psychological
     abuse, we will post up a summary.
     We are NOT kidding when we say it is disgusting—and these are only
     the worst scenes that we’ve put in. Many got cut out. *Happy reading!
     :D* -- Note: That was to lighten the mood a bit.
***** Chapter 12 Summary *****
Chapter Summary
     WARNING! This chapter is rated NC-17 and EXPLICIT and is posted on
     our LJ page and our affnet account. We are very serious when we label
     it as such, and we hope you’ll take us seriously. If you don’t want
     to go through a severe mind-frelling, then read this convenient
     summary! :D
     Read at own risk! Trust me we published the summary for a good
     reason. Feel free to skip it and read the next chapter which is the
     full version.
     Warnings: Explicit Descriptions of child sexual assault.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Innocent_Rain,_Chapter_12_Summary
“Who did this to you?” Lavi asked gently, repeating his earlier question as he
rubbed the back of Yuu’s head in soft, up-and-down motions.
“My father,” Yuu murmured gravely into the other man’s chest. He knew he needed
to give more of an explanation, and he began to recount the horrors of his life
before the Dark Order.
---
Kanda proceeds to recount the first night of his abuse, during which he walked
in on his father raping his mother. His father switched targets and raped him
on the kitchen floor. He was five.
Years of physical and mental abuse follow although he was not raped again until
he was seven. He took to guarding his mother’s door in order to protect her
from the abuse. The worst of his memories include him being beaten in front of
the door, his father forcing him to chug two bottles of sake, his father
breaking his sake bottles over Kanda’s legs, having his hair/scalp cut with a
kitchen knife, and Kanda being cut/disfigured with a tomato knife.
Kanda fears Lavi’s rejection and is relieved when there is none (though Lavi is
disgusted by what Yuu’s father did to him). We discover that Kanda’s mother
only stayed with his father because she has a very low immune system, rendering
her sick most of her life. She gets tetanus, and when the last day of Kanda’s
abuse takes place, she is dying of malaria. We also discover that Kanda had
friends! His mother forbade him to see them, as she didn’t want them getting
hurt, too.
On the final day of his abuse, Kanda discovers that his mother was being abused
during the day, during the time when she always insisted he stay outside. He
screams until the neighbors get worried. Kanda’s mother’s best friend and next
door neighbor, Emiko (yes, we know she has the same name as our latest Japanese
Exorcist), barges in, telling Yasuo (Kanda’s father) that she has called the
police. Yasuo is angry and ends up choking her to death. He leaves, and Fumiko
(Kanda’s mother) decides that she and Yuu will leave that night, despite how
sick she is.
That night, when his father returns, Fumiko tells him that she and Kanda are
leaving. He gets angry and begins to beat/rape her. She begs him not to do it
in front of Kanda, and so his father knocks him out by throwing his head into
the corner of their kitchen table.
When Kanda wakes up, his mother is having trouble breathing. He father beats
and rapes him until he is on the verge of death and then leaves again, probably
to go out whoring (a favorite pastime of his). Kanda’s mother asks him to get a
lotus flower from their kitchen table’s centerpiece, and she tells him of a
spell that will keep him alive.
---
“Yuu,” she breathed. She coughed for a while, and Yuu saw blood come from her
mouth, too.
“Okaa-san,” he choked back. His words were thick with the blood that suffocated
him. His rib throbbed in agony.
“Yuu, you have to live on. Can you promise me you’ll do that?” She asked
weakly.
“I don’t understand,” he said.
“There is a spell that my family learned of, and it can heal you, keep you
alive for a full life cycle. It will keep you from getting hurt and sick. It
ties you to the petals of the lotus. It can only be invoked by someone who
loves you deeply and wishes for you to live.”
“I still don’t understand, Okaa-san.”
“I am dying. I was dying before this happened. The spell will take my life to
invoke it, but I only have minutes left, so Yuu, please promise me you’ll agree
to let me do it,” his mother pleaded, her voice fading.
Yuu nodded and dragged himself next to his mother.
“Will you get a lotus flower from the pot on the table?” His mother asked
weakly. He nodded and stood, despite the pain. His left leg crumpled beneath
him, but he managed to grab the pot, knocking it over as he pulled the bouquet
down. Gently, he put one of the light pink flowers in his mother’s hand. She
smiled gently at him.
“It is invoked with a promise. Yuu, I want you to find the one person in this
world who is special to you. The one who can protect you and whom you can
protect. The one person with whom you can share a mutual love, like I was never
able to. At that point, the Lotus will keep you alive, and your life expectancy
will change to match that of your partner. Will you allow the Lotus to do that
for you, Yuu?”
“I promise, Okaa-san,” he responded through sobs that brought up an alarming
amount of blood.
“With this promise, I hereby tie you to the lotus flower. May you live in good
health and happiness, Yuu.” The lotus began to glow slightly, and something
strange happened.
Their two separate pools of blood mingled, and a thin line of dark red liquid
rose up to face Yuu. It stabbed at him, ripping his shirt to shreds as it came
near. It hit his chest with a pain far worse than the knife through his leg,
and Yuu screamed until his voice was gone. Even then, he continued to let out
air, even though it made no noise. His tears increased exponentially, and he
couldn’t keep his eyes open. His left breast was burning, and it wasn’t
stopping. He wanted to die—but no, his mother had just told him to live. He
needed to live, but the pain was so awful. He wanted to lay down and give up,
but—
The pain stopped as suddenly as it had begun, and when Yuu looked down on his
chest to inspect the damage, he saw a dark red mark on his scarred chest, just
over his left breast. The mark steadily darkened until it was ink black. The
pain in his body began to recede, as if the mark was pulling it in. He felt the
rib in his lung snap back into place with the others. He felt the hole in his
lung close. Wooden splinters fell from his thigh to the floor as that wound
closed, scarring with alarming speed. Blood stopped flowing from the wounds on
his back and scalp, and one by one, the rest of his injuries, old and new,
began to heal.
His mother smiled peacefully as death stole the light from her eyes.
He clutched the lotus flower and ripped his eyes away from his dead mother. He
ran over to the small cabinet where they kept mementos of his grandparents.
Dumping his grandmother’s ashes into his grandfather’s urn, he took the
deceased lady’s jar and carefully placed the lotus flower inside.
He put on a new jinbei, wincing as each movement he made hurt his barely-healed
broken ribs and battered body. Pausing only to say good-bye once more to his
mother’s body, he left. He never once turned back.
---
Kanda then goes on to explain how Tiedoll ended up finding him. Since these are
fine to read and contain no actual abuse, we will put the last few pages of the
chapter here.
---
October 27, 1878—Japan
Yuu ran from the household of his ruined childhood. He had no money, but dinner
lasted him until he reached the next town around dawn. He collapsed to the
ground, panting. His battered body had begun to feel better the longer he’d
run, and now, he could barely feel any of the pain from the previous evening.
He allowed himself to rest in a nearby alley, and a few hours later, he started
to run again, pausing only to get a long drink from the town’s well. He
grimaced at the bitter taste but was glad for the water anyway.
He continued on his way, always keeping to the road so he could find the next
town. He knew from the maps he had sometimes studied in the afternoons that he
would not reach another village for a few days, and he hoped he’d be able to
make it. He was determined to live for his mother.
A raindrop hit his face, and he put a hand to it. When was the last time he had
felt rain? His mother had never allowed him outside during a storm, saying he’d
catch a cold, and whenever the sky began to even hint at it, she would go
inside. Yuu would invariably follow her. Now he wanted to feel the rain. Maybe
it could wash away the dirt that he felt was inside him. The drops became more
and more frequent, and when it finally started to drizzle lightly, Yuu stopped
running and turned his face to the sky.
Hours later, when the rain had stopped, Yuu stood up, and he continued on his
journey. His feet sunk slightly into the muddy ground, and the wet leaves made
him slip several times. He was covered in mud and sludge by the next time he
chose to break. He did not sleep that night—he couldn’t. He knew that bad
things could happen in the night.
He walked onward, never looking back, even though he was exhausted, starving,
and thirsty. By the middle of the twenty-eighth of October, Yuu fell face-first
into the soft ground and passed out.
---
October 28, 1878—Japan
Something was nudging his shoulder, pulling him from unconsciousness. He
cracked an eye open and yelled, scrambling back a meter or so.
There was an old foreigner with frizzy, light brown hair leaning too close to
him.
“Are you okay?” The mustached man asked in highly accented Japanese. Yuu could
barely understand him.
A sturdy teenager came up behind the man and placed his hand on the foreigner’s
shoulder.
“His heart is beating like a bird’s. He is scared,” the teen said, also in
Japanese. The foreigner raised an eyebrow.
“Oh?” He looked at Yuu, smiling pleasantly. “I won’t hurt you. Can you tell me
your name?”
Yuu backed up further and shook his head.
A green light pulsed from the man’s strange gold and black coat. Surprise lit
the man’s features.
“Intéressant,” the man muttered to himself in a language Yuu had never heard
before. He reached into his coat, and Yuu readied himself to jump up and run
past these two crazy people. The man produced a shiny, red apple and held it
out to Yuu.
“You look famished. Would you like something to eat?” He said, placing the
apple in the grass next to the road. Yuu’s stomach let out a hungry growl, and
he couldn’t resist the offer of food. He slowly crawled forward, ready to back
up if they struck him, and snatched the apple. He retreated back to his earlier
position and tore into it, the juice running down his face in his haste.
“I am an Exorcist,” the man said as Yuu ate ravenously. “I am in an
organization called the Dark Order, and we are fighting an enemy called the
Millennium Earl.”
Yuu didn’t particularly care, but he listened anyway, as the man seemed to
think this was important knowledge to impart on him.
“We fight with weapons made from something called Innocence. Innocence chooses
people to accommodate with, and one of the pieces in my coat is reacting to
you.”
Yuu looked up, genuinely surprised. “So?” He said through a large chunk of
apple. He despised himself for his horrifying lack of manners.
“I would like you to come with us and train to be an Exorcist,” the man said,
looking relieved that Yuu had finally said something.
“No,” he said, backing further away.
“I’m really sorry, but you have to come with me. The Order doesn’t give people
choices in the matter.” His voice was heavy, almost regretful.
Yuu dropped what was left of the apple and ran, hoping that he was heading in
the correct direction. He didn’t care, though, if it got him away from the
strange foreigner and the teenager. Something caught the back of his muddy
jinbei, and he went flying up.
“I’m so sorry about this,” the foreigner said, sounding sincere, and Yuu felt
something hit the side of his head.
---
He awoke a few minutes later, his throbbing head already feeling much better.
He looked up and saw up the foreigner’s large nose. He was held tightly in the
man’s arms, and he resigned himself to the fact that he was being abducted. He
decided to look at his surroundings, to see where they were headed. As he
looked out, they passed by the spot where his discarded apple was—so he had
been going in the wrong direction—and Yuu cried out when he saw his
grandmother’s urn.
“My urn!” He shouted, struggling to free himself from the arms that carried
him.
The bouncing of the man’s walk stopped, and Yuu felt the man’s chest
reverberate as he hmmm’d to himself.
“Noise,” he said softly, “would you grab the urn on the ground?”
A moment later, the urn was placed into his hands by the large teenager. Yuu
grasped it tightly, holding it to his chest.
“How are you awake so quickly?” The man asked, and Yuu realized he was being
talked to.
“Magic,” he said. It wasn’t a lie.
“If you say so,” the man replied.
The man carried him to the next town, and they arrived long after the sun had
set. Yuu tried to remain as alert as possible but soon found himself drifting
off, and he hated himself for it. He couldn’t even protect himself.
When he awoke, he was on a soft bed. Looking around, he flinched when he
noticed the teenager sitting next to him. His eyes were vacant though, as if he
couldn’t see. Yuu attempted to get off the bed, but a large hand reached out
and pushed him back down. He shuddered from the touch.
The teenager said something in a language Yuu couldn’t understand.
“Ego o hanashimasu ka?” He asked. Yuu shook his head, and even though the
teenager seemed blind, his face lit up in understanding. “I don’t speak
Japanese very well,” he added in stilted Japanese. “My master does, though.”
The hand left Yuu’s shoulder, and he bolted to the door. Before he could even
open it, tiny strings pulled him back. He didn’t yell out—that wasn’t
allowed—but he did start pounding his fists on the door. After a moment, the
door opened, and Yuu yelped and allowed the strings to heave him back to the
bed.
“Please don’t try to escape,” the foreigner said. He looked at the teenager.
“Noise, deactivate your Innocence. We don’t want to scare him anymore than he
is.”
Yuu felt the strings go slack, and then they were gone. The foreigner pulled a
strange, glowing crystal from his jacket, and he placed it at the end of the
bed.
“I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself yet,” he said, looking Yuu in the eye.
“My name is General Froi Tiedoll. That green crystal in front of you is your
Innocence. Will you pick it up for me?”
Yuu narrowed his eyes calculatingly. This man was obviously crazy, but at the
same time, he had nothing to lose. It was not like he really wanted to live
anyway. If he accidentally broke his promise to his mother, she would
understand, she would forgive him. Carefully, he reached out a hand and touched
the gently glowing crystal. It flashed and changed form. It lengthened out
until it was nearly as long as he was tall. The glow dissipated, and in its
place was a straight, black blade that ended with a long, sturdy hilt. Yuu
recognized it instantly as a chokuto. He blinked as he heard a whisper in his
ear: Mugen. That was this chokuto’s name, he knew immediately.
Turning the blade in his hands, he was surprised by how light it was, as if it
was crafted out of rice paper rather than metal. He wished it was a bit
heavier, and suddenly, it was. It was a comforting weight, neither too light
nor too heavy, and it felt good in his hands. Yuu felt grateful for the
foreigner for giving him such a beautiful, elegant weapon. He brought the edge
of the blade near the hilt to his wrist and pulled it until he couldn’t drag
anymore across. He didn’t scream as his wrist began to bleed profusely. He
barely felt the pain.
“Putain!” Tiedoll grabbed his right arm and pulled Yuu’s new weapon from him.
Dropping it to the floor unceremoniously, he reached over and seized Yuu’s left
wrist. He spoke to himself rapidly, and Yuu thought that perhaps it was good
that he couldn’t understand the man. He gazed up at the foreigner, but the man
was already applying pressure to his wrist.
The man froze. “Quoi?” He said blankly. He twisted Yuu’s arm around, and Yuu
let it move, already meditating his mind beyond the present reality. “Où est la
blessure?” He looked at Yuu again.
“How did you do that?” He asked.
“Magic,” Yuu replied in a monotone.
“Pardon?” The man asked, and Yuu figured he was asking for some type of
repetition.
“Magic,” he said again.
“Did you really cut yourself?” Tiedoll asked in wonder.
“Can’t you see the blood?” Yuu asked rhetorically.
“Ah, yes. Well, you’ll be needing a bath. You’re horribly muddy, and now you’re
covered in blood,” the General said.
Yuu came crashing down into the present, and he pushed himself against the
headboard. He would not get in the bath with this man. Baths were his own
private affair. Even if the man didn’t do anything to him, he still didn’t want
anyone to see all his scars. His mother had told him once that it was bad for
people to see him, and he agreed. He didn’t want anyone knowing what had
happened to him. He screamed out as the teenager’s arms heaved him over his
shoulder. He squirmed, trying to hit and kick anything that would make the
teenager drop him, but the other kid’s grip remained firm and steady, like a
rock.
“Would you kindly do it, Noise?” The General asked, and the teenager nodded.
Yuu screamed and flailed wildly as Noise—Yuu assumed that was his name—grimly
peeled off his disgusting clothing and unceremoniously dumped him in the bath.
“Can you clean yourself?” He asked bluntly in a soft voice.
“Yes,” Yuu replied hurriedly.
“Good, because I don’t want to do it. Damn Tiedoll.”
“You hate him?” Yuu asked in wonder.
“He dumped you on me when it’s obvious you’re old enough to be capable of at
least washing yourself,” he replied grumpily. Yuu decided this teenager wasn’t
the worst person he’d ever met.
“Could you… not stare?” Yuu asked, pulling his legs to his chest, hiding his
scars and Lotus Mark.
“You’re not going to do anything stupid if I leave, right?”
Yuu looked away. He couldn’t respond, though.
“I thought so,” Noise said and dropped himself to the floor. “Besides, I can’t
see anything anyway, so you don’t have to worry.”
“How can you move around so well?” Yuu asked as he scrubbed away all the muck
that had caked on his skin.
“You must have noticed the objects on my ears?”
Yuu nodded, and the teenager continued, as if he had seen the action.
“They magnify my hearing far beyond normal capacity. I see through sound waves,
if that makes any sense. They’re part of my Innocence.” He sounded almost
proud, just like Yuu had felt when he’d first seen his chokuto.
As Yuu slowly washed himself, Noise explained as best he could about Innocence
and the Dark Order. Half an hour later, Yuu finished scraping away the dried
blood, and as he lifted himself from the bath to grab a towel, the door burst
open.
“I’m sorry! I forgot that I really had to pee!” Tiedoll shouted, rushing in. “I
can’t hold it in any longer!” He paused, staring at Yuu.
“Merde, mon dieu!” He breathed as he took in each of Yuu’s scars. Yuu blushed
heavily and lunged for the towel, wrapping it tightly around his chest like—as
his father had once said—a woman. “Je comprends… merde.” He turned to his
apprentice. “Noise, take him to the room. I still have to pee.”
Yuu was whisked away and promptly dropped roughly on the bed. He saw Noise
covering his face with a hand and sighing in annoyance.
“That idiot,” he muttered. Yuu couldn’t help but agree and found himself
nodding. “Do you have anything else to wear?” He added to Yuu. Yuu shook his
head.
“I suppose that means I’ll be washing your clothes. Sit tight.” The teenager
left the room with an aggrieved expression on his face as Tiedoll left the
bathroom, looking relieved.
He sat on the bed. Yuu scrambled back, careful to keep the towel covering him.
“You poor child,” the foreigner said. There was something about the pity in the
man’s voice that annoyed Yuu.
They sat in silence. Noise returned with Yuu’s washed clothes and an overlarge
shirt, which Yuu put on hurriedly as Noise hung up his clothes to dry.
“Would you kindly tell me your name?” Tiedoll asked softly.
“Kanda Yuu,” he said sullenly, picking at the baggy shirt absently.
“Yuu-kun, will you tell me what happened?” The man asked kindly.
“No.”
“Will you explain the magic to me, then?”
“It’s just magic.”
He grabbed the bloody chokuto from the ground and ran the blade down his
forearm, slicing it open. He waited as the wound closed itself and healed
steadily until even the scar was gone. Tiedoll stared, transfixed.
“How..?” He asked, probably to himself. Yuu stood up and walked to the pitcher
of water on the bedside table. He rinsed his arm off before looking back at his
abductor.
“Where is my urn?” He demanded. He needed to see the lotus, needed to see that
it was undamaged.
“It fell from your grip and broke during the night, I’m sorry,” the man said,
looking away.
Yuu’s heart skipped a beat. “What about the flower inside it? Where is that?”
He asked urgently, grabbing the man before he realized what he was doing. He
came to his senses and backed up until he was against the headboard of the bed
again.
The man reached into his pocket and produced the lotus flower. Yuu leaned
forward and snatched it carefully from the man’s hand. He inspected it and
noted one of the petals was a bit rumpled, though the rest of it seemed
undamaged.
“Would you like something to put that in?” Tiedoll asked kindly, and Yuu
nodded. If this man was going to offer him things, who was he to refuse it?
-
“Tiedoll and Noise took me out the next day and bought me clothes. We passed a
glassware shop, and I saw a large hourglass inside. Tiedoll bought it for me,
and the lotus flower has been in it ever since. We traveled through several
towns before we found Mugen’s scabbard, though. We never stayed in one place
for very long, so I didn’t have to worry about my father ever finding me. I
still didn’t trust them, especially Tiedoll.”
“Did they teach you to fight at that time?” Lavi asked.
“No—they were afraid to let me near Mugen. They knew I’d try to do myself in.”
“How many times did you try?”
“Any time I found a way, I tried it. By the middle of November, they knew
better than to leave me on my own. Tiedoll wouldn’t even let me bathe alone. He
was convinced I would have tried to drown myself.”
“Would you have?”
“Probably.” He snorted. “Not that it would have done any good,” he added
sarcastically.
-
January 19, 1879—Port in Egypt
They had left Japan a bit over a month and a half ago, and Yuu was thoroughly
sick of the sea. Tiedoll had said that they were heading toward the Dark
Order’s Headquarters, its main branch outside of London. Reluctantly, they had
allowed him to carry Mugen around with him, as they had noticed his decreased
suicide attempts. Not that he hadn’t tried to throw himself off the side of the
ship a few times. One time, he had almost succeeded, but a crew member had
caught him as he jumped up on the rail.
“Are you trying to kill yourself?” The man barked rhetorically.
“Yes,” Yuu replied matter-of-factly.
“Where’re your parents?” The seaman groaned, looking irritated.
“Dead,” he said flatly.
Tiedoll ran up. “Oh good,” he panted, putting a relieved hand to his heart.
“Someone caught him before he jumped. I’m terribly sorry, sir, but Yuu-kun’s a
bit…” He trailed off. He quickly grabbed Yuu and threw him over his large
shoulder, walking swiftly away.
“I’m just a bit what?” Yuu mumbled angrily.
“I was going to say ‘suicidal,’ but I thought that was self-explanatory,” the
man replied, sitting Yuu down next to Noise.
“Don’t let him out of your sight, Noise—or, well, your range of hearing,
anyway.” Tiedoll walked off.
Yuu sighed as he stepped onto the beautiful, yellow sand. He was glad to be
back on land. Vaguely, he wondered if there was any way for him to die from
sand. He wracked his brain but could think of nothing, so he resigned himself
to another day of life.
There was a huge explosion, and Yuu turned in its direction. Some of the ship’s
new cargo was up in flames, and Tiedoll stood on the rail holding a large,
shining cross in his hand. Noise stood on the deck behind him, his arms
outstretched. Something glinted in the midday sun, and Yuu noted that the
strings of the man’s Innocence were extended. They had encountered many Akuma
in their travels, and each time, Yuu had had to hide. They killed people by
turning them to ash.
It clicked.
If he was ash, there was no way he could return from that, right?
He went to turn around, to run toward the foreigner and his apprentice, but the
only remaining Akuma was right there. He didn’t move to get out of the way. It
would shoot him, right?
“YUU-KUN!” Tiedoll shouted, and the Akuma seemed to realize that Yuu was
important to the General. It cackled, and its guns primed. Maker of Eden shot
out, whiplike, but it was a fraction of a second too late.
Yuu was thrown back several meters as the bullet struck his left side. Agony
seared through him, but he could handle it—it was nothing compared to what he
had suffered at the hands of his father. It was nothing like the tomato knife
or the glass in his legs or the wine bottle or the belt whip or the…
The pain was receding. Tiedoll was at his side, holding him in his large arms,
crying over the death of his new pupil.
The pain was gone, and Yuu groaned at its loss. Not even the Akuma could kill
him? He screamed in fury at the brightly lit sky.
“Why can’t I die!?”
Tiedoll gasped and stared down at him, tears hitting Yuu’s forehead. He
squinted back up at the man.
“How are you…?”
“Magic,” Yuu spat out, furious that the Lotus Spell had saved him from
completely certain death.
“You will never explain that spell on your lotus to me?” Tiedoll asked
resignedly.
Yuu shook his head. Even though he wanted to die, Tiedoll had saved him
repeatedly. He felt a small sliver of trust attach itself to the man, and he
hated himself for it. Trusting always got him hurt, just as caring had. He had
loved his father, trusted him beyond measure, and his father had destroyed all
that. He had hurt Yuu so much…
He wanted to die, but one certainty became clear from the Akuma attack. No
matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to die. He sighed and resigned
himself to the fact that he would have to live a long life.
As they sailed up to Italy, Yuu took out his lotus, gazing at it. To his
surprise, a petal was on the bottom of the hourglass. A thin hope swirled its
way up his stomach and to his heart. Perhaps, if he wounded himself enough… But
his mother wouldn’t like that, and Yuu was tired of pain. He was so tired of
it. Perhaps, if he could just seal it all away, it wouldn’t hurt so much…
He sighed again. He could meditate on that later. He lay back on his bed in the
small, cramped room and gave up the idea of finding ways to kill himself. It
would never happen, no matter how much he wanted to die.
---
August 22, 2013, 1:37 AM—The Dark Order, Kanda’s Room
“Yuu,” Lavi whispered, sounding heartbroken as he pulled him back into his
chest. Again.
“Hmm?” He asked, too drained from relating everything to open his mouth.
“You said you wanted to die?” He asked, though it was more a statement.
“Yes,” Yuu replied, his arms sliding once more around Lavi’s waist.
Lavi pulled back just enough to look Yuu in the eyes. Yuu was startled by how
green the other man’s solitary eye was. “Do you still want to die?”
“Yes.” He tried to say it flatly, without emotion, but his voice shook with his
long-repressed grief. He saw nothing but sad understanding in Lavi’s eye.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: Holy shit. Not only did that take nearly a week to write, it
     took nearly three hours to edit. Today.
     *Ego o hanashimasu ka?= do you speak English?, Gaki = brat
     *The French: Intéressant=interesting, Putain = whore, but in this
     case, it is used to mean “fuck,” Où est la blessure?= where is the
     wound?, Merde, mon dieu = shit, my God, Je comprends… merde = I
     understand… shit. :D
     Anyway… now you know! Sorry for the long Kanda-torture. But this is
     his turning point—from here, everything will eventually be a-ok! :
     D Until we think of something worse to put him through!
***** Wake me up When the Memories End *****
Chapter Summary
     WARNING: What you are about to read contains content including
     EXPLICIT descriptions of sexual abuse of a child. Mentions of Suicide
     and murder. To read a summary of the events of this chapter, please
     return to the previous chapter. This chapter is extremely long and
     extremely violent. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.
     Thank you.
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_12—Wake_me_up_When_the_Memories_End
“Who did this to you?” Lavi asked gently, repeating his earlier question as he
rubbed the back of Yuu’s head in soft, up-and-down motions.
“My father,” Yuu murmured gravely into the other man’s chest. He knew he needed
to give more of an explanation, and he began to recount the horrors of his life
before the Dark Order.
---
August 3, 1878—Kanda Household
He was in the garden outside his house, just like he was every afternoon. His
mother was with him, and he was making little wreaths for her hair out of the
lotus flowers that stood proudly at the edge of their property. She laughed,
her voice like chimes in the wind, and Yuu felt his heart lighten in joy. He
loved making his mother laugh.
“Yuu!” She called, and he ran to her immediately. “I have to go inside soon,
but promise me you’ll stay outside, okay?”
Yuu nodded his acquiescence and gave his mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
She winced slightly, and Yuu frowned. “Are you okay, okaa-san?”
She smiled comfortingly and stroked Yuu’s cheek. “I’m just fine, Yuu, I just
slept funny last night.” Running her fingers through his shoulder-length hair,
she stood up. Her hands trailed reluctantly from the ends of his hair, and she
turned and walked gracefully back into the house, her light yukata rustling in
the wind. Yuu watched her go, hoping his mother would be able to come back out
to play with him later. He looked around for something to do, and he caught
sight of the neighbor’s cat. He chased it around the backyard and took a lazy
nap with it as the evening sun set. At last, his mother called him inside for
dinner, and he went in willingly.
They had sushi that night. Afterward, his mother ran him a bath. He heard the
telltale sounds of his father returning home for the evening, and his mother
left the room, presumably to greet his father. Yuu sighed. He hated it when he
had to wash himself while his parents talked about their day. Today would be
different—he decided that he would take a bath after his father had eaten
dinner.
Walking to the kitchen, he was surprised when he heard a high whimper of pain.
His heart raced with worry, and he threw the sliding door open. He gasped at
the scene in front of him.
His mother’s white yukata was ripped, and she was draped unceremoniously on top
of the table. His father stood over her, his pants down by his ankles. He
brought up a hand and slapped her hard enough that her neck snapped to the
left.
Yuu was frozen, locked in the doorway. He watched, horrified, as his father
pounded mercilessly into his mother. She didn’t make any more noise than small
gasps of pain—that is, until she saw him in the doorway.
“Yuu,” she whispered, her voice breaking. Tears formed in her eyes and fell
down her face. His father stopped his movements and followed his wife’s gaze.
He pulled back and grinned predatorily, showing his uneven teeth.
“Yuuuuu-chaaaan,” he sing-songed. “Why don’t you come over here?”
Yuu was fixed in place, but that didn’t matter, because his father shuffled
over to him, pants dragging on the ground from around his ankles. Yuu’s father
grabbed his shoulders and forced him down onto the hard wooden floor of the
kitchen.
“You interrupted my fun, Yuu-chan. I guess you’re gonna have to take her place
now,” he leered down at Yuu, and for the first time, Yuu was afraid of his
father. Large, previously friendly hands tore at his jinbei. Those same,
horrible hands grabbed his wrists, forcing them over his head. Yuu screamed.
“Yasuo-san, don’t do this,” his mother pleaded, but his father paid her no
heed, crushing his lips on Yuu’s to silence him. Shifting Yuu’s wrists into one
of his own hands, his father brought back his right arm and punched Yuu in the
gut. Yuu screamed against the oppressive lips, and that earned him a slap on
the cheek. Yuu choked on the little air he had, opening his mouth in a
desperate gesture. His father’s tongue drove like a drill into his mouth, and
Yuu gagged. He had no air; black spots were forming on his vision. He screamed
again, trying to thrash under his father’s iron hold.
Something rough and harsh went around his wrists, replacing the hand that had
been there. Yuu tried to separate them, but they wouldn’t move apart. He tilted
his head back and saw them tied to the leg of a chair with a thick length of
rope. He squirmed as he felt rough, calloused hands slide down his sides,
bypassing the waistline of his jinbei and slipping it down his legs.
A hand squeezed him painfully, and Yuu saw stars.
“Don’t scream again, Yuu-chan,” his father admonished, smiling as if he were
commenting on the day’s nice weather. “Or I’ll do something worse.”
Yuu didn’t mean to, but he belted out a screech at the continued pain.
“It seems you’ve really left me no choice,” his father chuckled. Violent hands
spread his legs apart, and large fingers pushed deeply inside him. Yuu
whimpered, trying not to scream again. They moved rhythmically, in and partly
out, in and partly out, and with each movement came a fresh wave of agony. The
fingers moved strangely, hurting him more, until they were gone. Yuu breathed
out a rough sigh of relief, but then something larger thrust home, and this
time, Yuu did scream out. He got a punch to the ribs and then lips were biting
at his chest. His body arched and hit the floor repeatedly with the force of
his father’s thrusts, and he felt tears fall freely from his face. He didn’t
care. It hurt. He was allowed to cry when it hurt.
“Don’t cry just because it hurts, Yuu-chan. Don’t be a girl,” his father hissed
through clenched teeth. His facial expression was strange, and Yuu didn’t
understand it. His father’s eyes were dark, and his face was pinched in rage
and something Yuu had never seen before. He couldn’t place it.
“Yasuo-san, please, stop this,” his mother cried softly. His father didn’t seem
to hear it, though, and he pounded even harder into Yuu. He tried to stop the
flow of tears, but he couldn’t. Harsh hands squeezed painfully on his thighs,
and for a second, Yuu forgot about the other, larger pain. He yelled out as his
father bit him roughly on the collarbone, breaking the skin. Something scraped
against his bone, and his yell turned into a howl. Unforgiving lips covered
his, and he tasted blood. It dripped down his throat, burning it with its
copper taste. Yuu gagged as he tried to breathe and swallow at the same time,
and something burst in him as he coughed hard and loud.
A hand patted him on the head, feeling more like his father’s touch. He looked
up into the man’s eyes, and that dark expression was gone. Fingers ran through
the hair at the top of his head and then mussed it before it fell.
“That was fun, Yuu-chan. Let’s do it again sometime.” He hauled up his pants,
and the belt accidentally hit Yuu as it was pulled into his father’s grip. He
lay there, shivering on the kitchen floor, as his father grabbed his mother and
left the room.
He never forgot the screams that followed.
-
Lavi stared, dumbfounded. He held Yuu even tighter, and he fervently hoped he
wasn’t choking the man.
“How old were you?” He asked.
“I was five,” Yuu said, his voice flat. The way he had reported the rape to
Lavi made him worried. He was repeating all the facts emotionlessly, and it
reminded Lavi of his unbiased reports to Bookman.
“That was just the beginning,” Yuu added before going on.
-
Eventually, he had to get up off the floor, and despite the pain it brought
him, he limped heavily over to the furo. He stepped in, not bothering to bathe
himself first like he should have, and he grabbed a nearby bar of soap. He
didn’t particularly care that he was dirtying the water—he just wanted to get
clean. He lathered up a washcloth and ran it slowly, lightly, up his left arm.
He sat in a trance, watching the water slowly turn pink as he attempted to rub
away the dirty feeling he had.
The door opened, and he cringed into a corner of the bath. He winced at the
abrupt pain from his backside, but he couldn’t quite stop the whimper.
“It’s me, Yuu,” his mother said softly. Yuu didn’t look up. “Do you mind if I
join you?” Yuu didn’t respond, he only held his legs to his chest, trying to
make himself small and unnoticeable.
The water shifted and grew a darker pink as his mother entered. With careful
and gentle hands, she peeled the washcloth from Yuu’s grip and lathered it
again. She began to slowly and tenderly wash off his arms. When she was
finished, she pulled at their grip, and they fell to touch the wooden bottom of
the traditional bathtub. She extended his legs and washed both of those until
she was halfway up his thighs. Then, she pulled him forward and rubbed the
washcloth over his stomach and back. He cringed as her touch went dangerously
close to his aching spots, and then the washcloth was removed.
“May I wash your hair, Yuu?” His mother asked as she massaged his lightly
throbbing shoulders soothingly. He didn’t move, too afraid her touch was going
to become violent. “I’m going to wash your hair, ne?” He nodded.
Soapy hands ran through his hair, and he felt himself finally begin to relax at
her touch. It was so soft, so comforting, that he couldn’t help it. When her
hands left his hair and washed his neck, face, and ears, he relaxed further, so
much that he didn’t realize where the washcloth was headed until he felt a
featherlight touch on his aching regions. He whimpered and curled up as far
back as he could, despite the fresh waves of pain that followed his movement.
“Relax, Yuu,” his mother said, “I promise I won’t hurt you. I just want to
clean you off, ne?”
Yuu quivered in fear the entire time his mother completed washing his body. The
second the touch was gone, he curled his legs back up to his chest, and he
encircled his arms around them. He looked up at his mother for the first time,
and he let out an involuntary gasp.
The entire left side of her face was swollen and darkly bruised. There were
deep purple marks on her throat, and there were open wounds over her entire
body. More bruises covered her ribcage, and Yuu saw her wince as she sat back.
Her breath hitched, but she calmly washed herself off.
When she was finished, she grabbed two white towels from a shelf. She wrapped
one around herself and then turned to Yuu. She fished him from the water, and
he stood limply on the bathroom floor as she gently toweled him dry. He noted
that the towel was very pink before she grabbed a fresh one to wrap him with.
“I can’t say everything will be okay, Yuu, but I can promise that he won’t do
it again.” Her face was set, and she had a triumphant gleam in her eye. She
pulled Yuu into her arms and lifted him, carrying him to his futon, where she
sat him down. Yuu watched her every movement carefully as she went to his
closet and produced a pair of pajamas. She pulled them over him with the same
light touch she had used in the bath, and then she laid him down and pulled the
covers up to his chin. “Please, try to sleep well,” she said, rubbing his
forehead affectionately. Her expression was very soft, with hints of worry and
sadness, but she leaned down and kissed his forehead before leaving the room.
She shut the door on the way out, and before Yuu let himself fall asleep, he
was sure he heard a lock click.
Before sweet unconsciousness crashed over him, he vowed to protect his mother,
so that she would never again suffer the injuries he had just seen. His own
pain didn’t matter. As long as his mother was safe, he would be fine. He would
be the shield that blocked his father’s blows.
-
“But it happened again,” Lavi said.
Yuu nodded. “But not for a long time. A lot of other things happened first.”
-
A number of factors led to him staying on his futon for over a week with a high
fever and a racking cough. It was probably partly due to the trauma, as well as
the long amount of time he had spent on the kitchen floor. It could have been
from the infection that purpled the deep bite-mark on his collarbone. It
simultaneously itched and throbbed, and Yuu had to repeatedly stop himself from
scratching at it. As his mother had said, it would only make it worse.
One time, when he had been feeling better, he’d walked over to the kitchen,
from which echoes of voices had been coming. His hand touched the sliding door,
about to open it, when he heard his name being spoken.
“I don’t know how Yuu is going to react now, but I know his father will never
let him alone after what happened. Emiko, I don’t know what to do,” his mother
said, her voice heavy with an emotion Yuu could not place.
“Are you sure you won’t leave him?” Emiko, his mother’s closest friend, asked.
Yuu stood, transfixed, at the door. He needed to know why they were talking
about this.
“You know I can’t. My body has always been frail, susceptible to disease. His
family is well-off, and now that he owns the restaurant, we are very wealthy.
To leave him would mean death for me.”
“Fumiko—”
“I can’t protect Yuu if I’m dead, Emi-chan,” his mother said, her voice
cracking. “If I die, his father will have to take care of him, and I don’t know
what he’d do. As long as I’m here, I can protect him, if only to a certain
extent.”
“I would take Yuu in, you know that.”
“The law wouldn’t allow it. Yasuo-san is his biological father. He has
guardianship over him.” His mother sighed, and there was a rustle of fabric, as
if her friend had pulled her into a hug. Yuu figured this was a safe time to
walk in, as the conversation seemed to have ended.
He slid open the door, and he was elated to see that his playmate, Kosuke, was
sitting next to his mother. He saw his friend’s face light up.
“Yuu-kun!” He shouted, getting up and running over to him.
“Kosuke!” Yuu shouted back, feeling happy for the first time since the kitchen
incident. The other boy pulled him into a bear hug, and Yuu winced at the pain
in his still-bruised ribs.
“Yuu!” His mother said, shocked. He looked over at her as the other boy let him
go. “What are you doing in here? You should be in bed!”
“Okaa-san, I’m thirsty,” he said softly, not trusting himself to speak any
louder.
“I’ll get you a drink if you go wait in bed,” she said gently, getting up to
push him lightly back toward the door.
“But I want to see Kosuke,” he protested, leaning back against her. It was the
first contact he’d initiated with his mother since the incident, but he was
glad that it still felt good.
“I’m sorry, Yuu, but you can’t see Kosuke right now. You wouldn’t want to get
him sick, would you?” Yuu reluctantly looked down, shaking his head. “Good. Go
back to your room, please, Yuu, and I’ll be there in a minute with some tea and
water.”
He waited a moment after his mother closed the sliding door behind him.
“I’m sorry, Emiko, but if you could never bring Kosuke back here… I know it
will hurt both of them, but I really don’t want your son getting hurt, too. I
don’t know where Yasuo-san will stop.”
“I understand,” Emiko responded.
“Could you spread the word to everyone else, too? I’m in no state to be outside
right now, and the only reason I let you in is because I don’t know what I’d do
without you.”
“Don’t worry, Fumiko,” his mother’s friend reassured. “I’ll always be here for
you.”
“I know. Thank you.”
Yuu walked back to his room, suddenly a bit dizzy, though he didn’t know why.
He lay on his futon, and within moments, he was asleep.
---
Yuu shivered as his mother laid a cool cloth on his forehead, smoothing back
his fringe as she did so. Her face was slowly turning the yellow of healing
bruises, and when Yuu looked at his stomach and chest, he noted his own marks
were doing the same.
His father had not come home since the day in the kitchen. Yuu shrank away from
the memory. He didn’t really know or understand what had happened to him, only
that he felt extremely violated and irrevocably dirty. His mother had bathed
him twice more in the furo, disregarding the fact that they were supposed to
bathe outside it. She told Yuu that she had always thought it would be nicer
just to bathe in the actual bath, like the Westerners. She only washed his back
and hair for him, a fact for which Yuu was glad. He didn’t want his mother
touching him any more than was strictly necessary.
Three more days passed before his fever broke. He spent a further two days
recovering. His bite-mark was now an angry, very itchy red, and Yuu had
reluctantly gone to his mother for salve to relieve the worst of the symptoms.
Yuu sat outside his parents’ room, knowing his father wasn’t there but wanting
to protect his mother from any potential attack. He dozed lightly through the
darkest hours of the night, but sometime in the early morning, he heard a
rattling as the front door opened. He quaked in fear but steeled his resolve.
His pain didn’t matter, he told himself. His mother must not be hurt.
He heard a shuffling noise, and his eyes widened in fear. Exactly twelve days
after his father had hurt him on the kitchen floor, he returned.
The burning reek that his father sometimes exuded at night reached Yuu’s nose,
which wrinkled up in distaste. His father always acted funny when he smelled
like this, and it often scared Yuu, even though he loved his father.
“Yuu-chan, what’re ya doin’ ther?” His father slurred, leering down at him.
“Okaa-san’s asleep, I don’t want you to wake her up,” he said quietly, looking
defiantly into his father’s eyes. His father raised a mocking eyebrow and
chuckled deep in his chest.
“Protecting yer mother from-me? How sweet, Yuu-chan,” his father said. “But I
kinda wanna see m’wife, so yer gonna haveta move, ne?”
Yuu shook his head.
“Looks like I haveta teach ya a lesson, then,” his father said, and he began to
hum a haunting tune to himself.
“Sakura, sakura,” his father sang eerily as he pulled a hand back. At the sixth
syllable, his hand left a stinging mark on Yuu’s cheek.
“Noyama mo sato mo.” A punch to the gut, and kick in his groin. Yuu curled into
a ball on the wooden floor. He could put up with this—he had to, or his mother
would suffer.
“Miwatasu kagiri.” Three consecutive and painful kicks to his stomach. They all
hit, despite his attempts to protect himself by curling up tighter. Tears of
pain prickled in his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. He let out a whine
as a fourth kick hit him in the solar plexus.
“Kasumi ka kumo ka,” his father went on singing, raining fists on his legs.
“Asahi ni niou.”
Putrid breath hit his face as his father leaned uncomfortably close.
“Sakura, sakura,” he sang, one hand fisting tightly in Yuu’s hair. “Hana
zakari.” He pulled Yuu’s head back, making his neck crack painfully. He yelled.
“Sakura, sakura,” his father continued, punching Yuu in the face. “Yayoi no
sora wa.”
“Miwatasu kagiri.” Yuu tasted blood. His lips were bleeding, and two teeth were
dangling from strands in his mouth.
“Kasumi ka kumo ka.” Why was it so hard to breathe?
“Nioi zo izuru.” His legs ached, and his stomach felt like a solid wall of
pain. He dimly registered his father kicking his back in an attempt to force
Yuu to uncurl. He sobbed softly and pulled his arms tighter.
“Izaya, izaya.” His back arched when his father kicked between his shoulder
blades, and Yuu felt his safe position unravel.
“Mini yu kan,” his father sang, finishing the haunting melody. He kicked Yuu at
the bottom of his ribcage and then keeled over, still humming the song until he
passed out.
Yuu breathed in as best as he could, gritting his teeth against the pain. He
had successfully protected his mother. It didn’t matter what it had cost him.
He knew he’d be back here the next night, and the night that followed that. He
would never allow his father to hurt his mother again.
-
“It continued on in a similar manner for several weeks. Almost every night, my
father would punch, kick, and slap at me until I was bedridden. The worst were
the nights when I was too injured to guard the door, and I always heard my
mother’s screams. The next day, she would never leave her room, and after a
while, I gathered that she didn’t want me to see her as she was. The worst part
of those nights was that I couldn’t make any move to stop it. I’ve never felt
so guilty in my life.”
“Yuu, you couldn’t have done anything to—”
“I know that, but it still hurt more than the physical pain.”
Lavi sighed but dropped the subject. “What happened next?”
“It got worse.” That was all that needed to be said.
-
September 29, 1873—Kanda Household
Yuu had fallen asleep outside her door again. He was jarred into consciousness
by a sharp kick to the head. Looking up groggily, Yuu felt his heart falter at
the sight of the large man above him. The man’s foot was raised as if to
deliver another kick, but instead, it dropped swiftly onto Yuu’s outstretched
arm, snapping it like a twig. This time, he screamed out.
“Iie!” He cried, his voice ripping from his throat.
“Don’t scream like a fucking girl!” the man shouted, grinding his foot down on
the broken bone. Yuu saw stars, and he moaned and screamed again.
“Otou-san, yamero!” He shouted, but of course, the man didn’t stop. Later, when
a doctor came to visit, she held his hand silently as they pulled the bone back
into place. His father had told the doctor that he had fallen from a tree. Thus
began Yuu’s reputation as Kanda Yasuo’s clumsy son.
-
“After that, he didn’t hesitate to break bones. He didn’t do it often, but when
it happened, they were never a simple break. Sometimes, he wouldn’t call for a
doctor until after it had partially healed, just so that I could ‘enjoy’ the
pain of them re-breaking it.” Yuu shuddered against Lavi’s chest.
“What about the scars on your head?” Lavi questioned.
“Those happened next. It was the New Year, the second time it was celebrated on
January first.”
-
January 1, 1874—Kanda Household
Yuu’s uneven, short hair stuck out at odd angles, and Yuu found himself
loathing it as much as he was beginning to loathe that man. He had been sitting
in the living room, reading, when he felt a sharp tug at the back of his head.
The smell of alcohol assaulted him. It was too early for his father to be home,
but defying all logic, there he was. Yuu fought the urge to run—he needed to
protect his mother.
“You look like a girl,” his father thundered angrily. Yuu looked around and
gasped in horror as the man pulled out a sharp kitchen knife from behind his
back. “That’s a problem. Men shouldn’t be girly like you.”
He pulled hard on Yuu’s hair, ripping it out at the scalp. Yuu whimpered. He
knew how bad it was to scream.
“Don’t snivel like a girl, Yuu-chan,” his father growled. He brought the knife
up to Yuu’s scalp and began to cut, not caring if he nicked Yuu’s skin or not.
Yuu nearly vomited as he saw a lump of skin and hair fall to the ground at his
feet. Blood began to drip into his eyes, and behind him the man kept hacking
away at his head. Suddenly, the man stopped and kicked Yuu to the floor. Yuu
knew what was following and braced himself.
His father kicked and punched him without mercy, leaving no spot without a
bruise. Yuu felt a rib groan under one of the blows, and his breathing abruptly
became harder. He knew that it wasn’t broken—he had come to be a very good
judge of that—but it was at least bruised, and it smarted when his father hit
the same place again. He held in his whimper, but it was replaced with a low
groan.
“Still making noises, Yuu-chan?” His father asked menacingly, pushing at his
ribs with his booted foot. Yuu shook his head. At some point, any noise he made
had become an invitation for the man to hurt him further. He hadn’t meant to
whimper earlier, but it had come out anyway.
He gasped in pain as the boot met the sore spot on his rib a third time, and
this time he felt it break. He gritted his teeth. He could get through this.
Normally, his father stopped soon after breaking something. He knew how to keep
the authorities away.
“That snapped awfully quickly, didn’t it?” His father questioned mockingly.
“That’s the first time I’ve broken a rib. Tell me, Yuu-chan, did you like it?”
Yuu hissed in another breath. It was getting increasingly hard to breathe while
his father’s foot was placed atop him, bearing down on him like a heavy weight.
His father laughed and walked away, and Yuu sighed in relief as his breathing
became slightly easier. It hurt to move, but he could survive for now. He tried
to get up, and his hand touched something slick and squishy. He looked down,
and his stomach roiled again. Clutching his chest, he stumbled over to the
bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before his stomach rebelled. Every
retch brought black spots of pain to his eyes, and the dry heaves that made him
curl up on the floor made his vision go black.
When the nausea passed, Yuu stood up, shaking in emotional and physical
distress. He couldn’t manage to bathe himself, and he hoped he would be able to
before his mother walked in. Sighing, he looked in the mirror, gazing at his
foul hair. He tried to ignore his lifeless eyes and slack face. He did not
smile. There was no reason to smile, and he hadn’t done so in a long time. The
bathroom door opened behind him. His mother walked in, carrying a pair of
scissors. Yuu tried to hide his flinch. He knew that she would never hurt him.
“Here, Yuu, let me fix your hair,” she said, and he did. He didn’t even
complain when she used a cloth covered in sharp-smelling alcohol to sterilize
his blood-crusted scalp.
When he had been young, before all of this had started, his father had
entertained him with stories of the crazy Native Americans, who were said to be
very violent, ripping and tearing the settlers’ hair from their very heads. It
was called scalping, and Yuu couldn’t help but feel that that was what had just
happened to him. Though his mother tried to fix it, cropping his hair short and
evening out the ends, there were still patches where he was obviously missing
some. He mourned its loss; he had always loved his hair. It reminded him of his
mother’s.
“Okaa-san?” he asked as his mother put the scissors away.
“Yes?”
“Otou-san said I’m girly. Do you think I’m girly?” He looked up at his beloved
mother.
“No, Yuu, I think you are young and have not yet grown enough for your father
to judge you like that.” She bent down to hug him, and the light pressure of
the arm going around his middle hit his broken rib. He yelled for a small
moment. He was allowed to yell around her.
“Yuu, what’s wrong?” She asked, her face immediately alarmed.
“It’s… nothing,” he muttered, looking away from her. The floor had suddenly
become very interesting.
“Do not lie to me about your injuries,” his mother said sternly, and she turned
his thankfully unbruised face back toward hers. She gazed intensely into his
eyes, and Yuu stared dejectedly back. He couldn’t refuse his mother.
“Broken rib,” he muttered, trying and failing to wrench his face from her
grasp. He flinched as the movement bothered said rib.
“We will get you to a doctor,” she said firmly.
“It got even worse, of course. That year, I got a very special birthday
present, filled with love from my dearest father.” Yuu’s voice filled with
sarcasm, and he laughed humorlessly. At some point, he had grabbed Lavi around
the waist, and he held the other man tightly. He felt the redhead’s arms
squeeze him for a moment. It was comforting gesture, and despite everything,
Yuu felt better for it. A low, burning feeling filled him, but it was
extinguished the second he began recounting the next memory.
---
June 6, 1874—Kanda Household
“Get outta my way, Yuu-chan,” the tall figure of his father slurred out
gruffly, trying to push Yuu back. But Yuu wasn’t going to move. He knew what
happened when he let the hated man through that door.
“No,” he said insolently, his high-pitched child’s voice sounding loud in the
quiet of the night.
“You heard me, brat. Outta my fuckin’ way!” His father intoned thunderously.
Even from a meter below him, Yuu smelled the alcohol reeking down to tickle his
nostrils.
“No!” He said more clearly, crossing his arms on his chest.
“I’ll teach you to fucking cross me, boy!” The man’s right hand rose up, and
Yuu knew what would come next. He’d lost count of how many times he’d been
guarding the door, but he had come to expect a full-out beating before the
tormentor would leave. When he had first started guarding the door, there had
only been a strike or two, but over the last year, it had grown steadily worse.
This time, flesh didn’t meet flesh. Yuu found himself thrown backward as
something hard and cold crashed against his left cheek. Rank-smelling liquid
dribbled down his face, and he felt the sting of blood rushing from a wound. He
put a hand to his cheek, but something cut at his fingers as he ran them down
the length of his wound. He looked up fearfully at the man in front of him and
saw his right hand fisted over the neck of what had been his bottle of sake.
“I’ve told you what would happen if you kept blocking the entrance to my
bedroom, but you didn’t believe me, did you?” His father mocked, smiling
widely. He paused, and then his eyes went wide in some sort of realization.
“Oh, it’s your birthday today. How about a drink, Yuu-chan?” He left Yuu on the
ground, walking away. Yuu sat up, sitting against the door to his mother’s room
once more. He knew his father would be back, and he wouldn’t give the loathsome
man the pleasure of seeing him sprawled on the floor.
Not a minute later, his father returned, carrying three bottles of sake that
Yuu suspected had been filched from his family’s restaurant.
“Now, which bottle would you like, Yuu-chan?” He asked, his voice the very
parody of playful. Yuu opened his mouth to respond with a firm “none of them,”
but already his father was uncorking the middle bottle. “I’m sure you’d like
this one the best. I’ve always found I love the strong flavors of muroka
sake.”*
He grabbed Yuu in an iron-tight hold and wrenched his jaw open. Yuu tried to
shout, despite the consequences, but his voice was drowned as the beverage was
dumped, too quickly, into his mouth. He tried not to swallow, but his father
noticed and pulled the bottle back.
“Don’t waste it, Yuu-chan!” He hissed, slapping his son hard enough to leave a
bruise. Yuu’s hand twitched at his side, begging to reach up and touch the
fresh wound. His eyes watered as his father rubbed at his throat, making him
swallow. The liquid burned as it fell to his stomach. His father didn’t wait
for him to recover his breath, he just poured more of the foul-tasting beverage
down Yuu’s protesting throat.
He sputtered and coughed, but still his father tipped the bottle, making Yuu
drink. Even as he started to choke, his father mercilessly continued until the
bottle was empty.
“Gone already?” He asked, pouting. “But you seemed to like it. I think you
should have some more, don’t you?” He prepared the next bottle.
Yuu’s stomach burned as he coughed harshly, spittle and alcohol mixing on the
floor below him. He couldn’t seem to get his breath back, and his throat felt
raw, as if someone had poured fire down it. He barely felt it as the second
bottle was held to his lips, and this time, he had no trouble swallowing it.
His throat was too numb to rebel against the hated, reeking sake. Thankfully,
his father kept the third bottle for himself.
He was stupid enough to feel relieved when his father sat up after finishing
his beverage. He raised the bottle above his head, and Yuu was feeling too
woozy to move as it smashed down onto his left leg. There was muted pain, but
he was starting to see double. He felt another bottle hit his leg, but it
looked like his father was holding three. Something hit him again—his mind
vaguely registered that it must have been the third bottle. He felt a twinge as
something tightened around both his legs, but his mind was starting to shut
down, and everything went black. He heard something rap sharply on the ground,
but all other noises were muted.
He woke up choking, coughing on something foul in his mouth. He turned onto his
side, his hand falling into a pool of something cold and wet as it tried to
support his weight. It buckled weakly, and he hit the ground, vomiting. Dimly,
he realized that he was in a pool of his own sick, but as another wave of puke
rose up his throat, the thought left his mind.
When he was finished, he collapsed into the foul-smelling pool, unable to keep
his eyes open. When he next came to awareness, his mother was carrying him to
the bathroom. She washed his hair first, and then she moved on to his face,
removing the glass from his cheek. She spent extra time ensuring the deep cut
was clean. She moved to the rest of his body, and he screamed when she got to
his glass-filled legs; she gasped in horror at the sight. Grimly, she pulled a
candle next to him and used tweezers to remove as much of the glass she could
find. Yuu tried to stay still the whole time, and only his pained gasps belied
his suffering.
-
Lavi looked sick. Yuu had pulled back enough to see the man’s face. He was
surprised the redhead had not left him, disgusted by how befouled he was.
“That only happened once. I guess the old man figured he didn’t want to waste
anymore sake. He liked to break his empty bottles over my legs, though. I’ve
probably still got glass in them, although my mother was pretty good at getting
it all out.
“My father always went to work at the beginning of the day, so I never saw him
in the morning. Whenever I was well enough, I would go outside. I never saw any
of my playmates again. I asked about them, but my mother brushed off the
questions each time. I think she was trying to protect them, since she couldn’t
protect me.” His voice sounded a little resentful, but he didn’t feel that way.
He loved his mother deeply. If he had the choice of going back in time, he
wouldn’t change a thing he had done for her.
“Did you hate your mother?” Lavi asked quietly as one of his hands played with
the ends of Yuu’s recently cut hair.
“Never. She was the only thing that kept me from running. I only tolerated it
because I thought I was saving her from the abuse,” Yuu said in a monotone.
“You thought?” Lavi questioned.
“I’ll get to that,” Yuu promised. “Other things happened first. Like when I was
seven…” His voice choked out his last word, and Lavi hugged him back to his
bare chest.
-
November 23, 1875—Kanda Household
He sat, bleary-eyed, in front of his mother’s door, just as he did every night.
His father tended to spend many nights out, returning only for dinner before
leaving. Yuu didn’t dare to hope—he had stopped hoping a long time ago. He knew
his father would return, and Yuu knew he’d be the worse off for it.
A light moan came from behind the door, and his heart clenched. His mother was
sick, but the doctor had said it wasn’t contagious. Still, he would never allow
his father near her in her weakened state.
A loud crash followed by the stench of alcohol announced his father’s presence.
There was another small groan from behind the door, and Yuu sharpened his
resolve. He heard footsteps and another crash. There was a frustrated yell as
his father fell through the paper doors that led to the hallway from the
kitchen. His father stumbled to his feet and swayed around the corner. His eyes
narrowed as he saw Yuu.
“Still here, boy?” He asked, his speech somewhat clear despite his obvious
drunkenness.
“Always,” Yuu vowed under his breath. His father didn’t seem to notice.
“You’re gonna let me through there today, gaki,” he growled, the palpable aura
of alcohol around him growing in density.
“No,” Yuu said defiantly. He heard another small moan from his mother’s room,
boosting his confidence.
He was slammed back into the door.
“You will let me through, Yuu-chan,” he ordered.
Yuu looked directly into his eyes. “No,” he responded clearly.
His father’s eyes narrowed, becoming calculating. “I’ll show you,” he muttered.
He threw Yuu to the ground, and Yuu saw stars as his head hit it hard. He
gasped as hands ripped at his clothes, just as they had when he was five. His
pants and undergarments were gone before he could properly respond. He tried to
get away, but his father slapped him back to the ground with a large, forceful
hand. Yuu’s breathing became ragged as he started to hyperventilate. He
couldn’t break his promise, but he remembered that something horrible had
happened to him when he was five, and it had involved something like this.
Rough hands twisted him until he was on his stomach, his face smashed on the
cold, wooden floor.
He felt the same invasive feeling he had felt those two years ago, and he
screamed shortly as pain and memory mixed. A hand fisted in his hair, pulling
his head up and back until his eyes locked with his father. His head burned at
the touch. He had only had his hair cut a week ago, and many of the wounds were
still fresh.
“Don’t scream, Yuu-chan. Only the whores scream—oh, and your mother, too.”
Yuu balked and gritted his teeth, resolving to never make another sound.
His father’s thrusts became too strong for Yuu’s frail, abused body to handle,
and he went crashing into the ground as the old, perverted man finished up in
what was left of his hair. He screamed again, and he heard a strange, almost
hissing, noise as he lay on the ground, letting the tears escape freely.
Sharp pain seared his back, and Yuu screamed unintentionally.
“Don’t scream, Yuu-chan, or are you a whore?” His father yelled from above him,
laughing. Yuu felt another line of pain down his back, and it repeated once,
twice… he couldn’t remember how many times, just that it hurt worse with each
blow. He was a quivering mess on the floor when his father had finished, but he
was beyond screams at that point.
“I see I’ve made myself clear,” his father said, whipping him once more. Yuu
flinched and whimpered, but he couldn’t do anything more. He looked up with
tear-filled eyes. His father was holding a blood-drenched belt in his right
hand. The end with the buckle hung limply toward the floor, and as Yuu’s eyes
followed it, he saw small flecks of gore speared around the metal.
“How many times did this happen?” Lavi asked. He was shaking, and Yuu had a
sinking feeling it was with rage, judging by how clipped his last word had
been.
“Almost every other night toward the end,” he replied flatly.
“Did he always whip you?”
“Not all the time. But two nights before the end, he used the wine bottle to—”
his voice broke off. He couldn’t say it—not even Lavi could make him say it.
“Those were the scars I felt,” Lavi stated, but Yuu felt he deserved
confirmation.
“Yes,” he said, his voice soft and defeated. Lavi pulled him closer, gathering
him until only physics decreed that they could not occupy the same space
simultaneously. Yuu began to shiver a little, but it wasn’t out of cold. After
a long moment of silence, he continued on.
---
July 8, 1876—Kanda Household
He felt proud of himself. His father hadn’t even tried to enter his mother’s
room for a whole week. Perhaps his presence was actually doing some good. Maybe
it was the fact he was now eight years old or the fact that his father seemed
to be going lighter on the sake, but it all equated to the same thing: his
mother had not been hurt for an entire week. She was good at hiding her pain,
but now that Yuu knew what to look for—that small tightness at the corner of
her eyes, the small hitches in her breaths when she stood up or sat down, the
very slight winces she gave whenever Yuu touched a tender spot—he understood
just how good of a relief the past week had been for her.
All pride fell away like water into a drain when he heard the front door slam
open. Alcohol reeked like an aura around the foul man as he approached, and
Yuu’s eyes widened in real fear as the man grabbed him bodily and threw him
into the kitchen.
“Your filthy hair is too long again, Yuu-chan,” his father said, and Yuu heard
the sound of metal against wood as the man pulled out the usual knife. Yuu
squeezed his eyes shut in preparation for the horrible pain that would follow.
“Open your eyes. Take it like a man,” his father growled, grabbing Yuu’s short
locks in his overlarge hand. He pulled the knife uncaringly through Yuu’s hair.
Yuu whimpered, a tear falling from his right eye, as the knife caught his ear,
slicing partway through the cartilage. The man stopped his motions and grabbed
Yuu’s jaw with bruising force.
“Oh, I’ll give you something to fucking cry about, Yuu-chan. If you’re gonna be
a girl, there better be a good reason for it.” The man slipped from his view,
and Yuu let out a small, relieved breath. He knew something worse was coming,
as that invariably happened after such a comment, but for now, he was simply
glad the hair-cutting knife was gone. He was surprised his hair could still
grow, but he thanked his higher deities that it still did.
There was more metal on wood, but the quality was longer, as was the duration.
Yuu’s heart stopped for a moment, fear dripping into his stomach and chest like
an icy beverage. He gasped as his father slunk back into view, carrying a
tomato knife. Yuu shrank back into himself in terror. His father threw him back
on the kitchen table, where he’d been sitting, and pointed the knife at Yuu’s
face.
“Since you wanted something to cry about, I’ll give it to you, ne, Yuu-chan?”
He wore a sick, gruesome smile that promised a lifetime of agony. Swiftly, the
man sliced down, going from Yuu’s collar bone down to pelvis, cutting through
his jinbei. Yuu tried to stifle his small whine of pain as the double-pronged
serrated knife slid through his skin. Another tear fell from his eye, and a
third one joined it a moment later at the other side of his face.
His father opened the top of his jinbei, spreading it until Yuu felt cool air
touch his chest. He shivered, more in fear than in actual cold, but he froze
the second he felt the blade on the left side of his stomach. Pain.
Screams—were they his? They couldn’t be, he wasn’t allowed.
Hot, burning, scorching pain inched its way sickeningly slowly up in a curve to
his ribs. Yuu shouted, his scream becoming a guttural screech as the serrated
blade sawed at his ribcage. The cold metal of the blade left his skin, but the
pain remained, and Yuu looked down, horror-struck, at his stomach. His skin was
flayed and uneven, ensuring a large, deep scar. He drew in a sharp breath and
winced as he saw his stomach muscles move underneath. A wave of nausea engulfed
him at the pools of blood sheeting down like a waterfall from his open, gaping
wound. He looked at his ribs and felt bile pool at the back of his throat. He
choked on it, unable to swallow it back down. He could see his first two ribs
clearly, despite the blood, and they had a deep fissure in them. White hot pain
emanated from that area and Yuu fought against the unconscious oblivion his
body was trying to force him into. He couldn’t faint—he couldn’t. If he did,
what was to say he would ever wake up again? In the back of his mind, he felt
the tears pouring out of his eyes at the same fast pace of the blood from his
stomach and the cries and whimpers of pain as he tried to ride it out. He heard
a laugh, a sick, maniacal laugh, above him, and he looked in its direction. He
saw his father with a sickeningly large smile as he giggled over his pain-
ridden son. Yuu decided at that moment that he would never cry again. He would
never give that man the pleasure of seeing it.
He didn’t know how hard it would be to keep that promise.
-
Yuu pulled back again, looking into the other man’s face for any sign of
rejection. He only saw Lavi’s pallor turn a sickly green, and the man heaved a
little.
“Urgh,” he said, his voice disgusted as he swallowed. “That’s fucking
disgusting.” He traced a finger across Yuu’s scar, and Yuu trembled under the
touch.
“He used the tomato knife again later. I was just sitting at the dinner
table—it was a rare day when he was home early—and he pulled off my shirt and
started cutting off bits of flesh with it.”
Lavi’s face turned greener, and he swallowed several times before speaking
again.
“I’m sorry for ever calling you “Yuu-chan,” by the way,” he said softly.
“I don’t hate you for it,” he stated. “I told you before, I don’t… mind it when
you call me that.”
“Why?” Lavi’s face was openly curious, as if he couldn’t comprehend Yuu ever
wanting to hear that nickname again.
“Because it’s you,” he replied simply. Lavi’s eye softened, and he turned less
green. He smiled slightly at Yuu, but his expression sobered a moment later,
all hints of his earlier look gone. His face was hard again.
“There was more, of course,” Lavi said matter-of-factly.
“Naturally.”
-
September 7, 1877—Kanda Household
His father leered above him in that way that meant Yuu would be raped again
that night. Yuu never failed to flinch at that expression, though he was much
better at hiding it now. He’d long ago come to the conclusion that being
unresponsive was the best way to get through it. He’d perfected it like it was
an art. Every time his father began to touch him—and the touches began to last
longer before his father did his business—he would begin meditation breathing.
It had been hard at first, but after a while, he was able to go into a nice
trance, his mind far from his body. There, he could float safely above the
excruciating pain and humiliation of having his father pound into him.
Something was different this time, though. As his father flicked a finger over
his nipple, something changed. A disgusting pleasure rippled down his spine,
going low. His father chuckled.
“It seems you’ve finally started to like it, Yuu-chan,” he said with a
sickening smile. “Let me help you enjoy it more.”
His father’s mouth went to his collarbone, and Yuu felt the man’s tongue swirl
sickeningly along his old scar. His father bit it lightly, and Yuu felt that
nauseating feeling shoot through him again.
“Yamero,” he muttered, and his father responded with a light chuckle.
“Not when we’re both enjoying this so much,” his father whispered as his head
trailed down, down, down…
Yuu gasped as something warm and wet covered him. A ghastly moan escaped his
lips as his father’s tongue darted out. He hated this, hated it, hated it…
But somehow, his body was responding anyway, and Yuu didn’t have the presence
of mind to go into his meditative state. His thoughts weren’t coherent. All he
knew was that he hated it, hated the hand running up and down his length as his
father gave him horrible, open-mouthed kisses. A hand went to his backside, and
Yuu screamed as his father inserted two fingers.
“You’re not a whore, Yuu-chan,” his father clucked, wagging the fingers inside
him as if in admonishment. Yuu trembled. He didn’t want to be feeling this. The
feeling kept building and building despite his efforts to keep it at bay, and
as his father moved his fingers father into him, brushing on something deep
inside him, he rolled, kicking and screaming, over the edge.
“Just from that?” His father questioned. “We’ll have to work on that, won’t
we?”
Yuu shook his head, tears of complete and utter humiliation falling like rain
from his eyes. He wanted it all to stop, but his father continued to violate
him until the unwanted feelings were back, until the unwanted feelings crashed
over him once more.
That night, as he was washing himself, the dirty feeling no longer dissipated.
It pulsed, strong and steady, at the front of his mind, and nothing he told
himself made him feel any better. Yuu hated himself. He didn’t deserve to live.
But he had to, because he had to protect his mother.
-
“I was afraid you’d gone through puberty early,” Lavi muttered, his voice
breaking. Yuu realized that the top of his head was wet, and when he looked up
at Lavi, he noted that the other man was crying silently. “It makes
sense—children who are abused normally mature faster out of necessity. I’m so
sorry you had to live through that, Yuu.”
“I don’t want pity,” Yuu growled gruffly.
“It’s not pity, Yuu. I am sad that you had to live through that, because it’s
sick, what he did to you. No one should have to suffer that, and it hurts to
know that you did.”
“I… don’t understand.”
“I love you,” Lavi said. “It hurts me to know you’ve been hurt. You know, that
cliché stuff about your pain being my pain and all that. I never really
believed in that until this past week. Seeing you in pain is really hard,
though. I’m so sorry for all I’ve done to you.”
“You didn’t do anything,” Yuu replied honestly.
“I fucking tried to commit suicide in front of you; how can you say I did
nothing?” Lavi asked tremulously, and Yuu realized that the man must have been
feeling extremely guilty about that.
“You’re alive, so it doesn’t matter,” he said.
“But it does,” Lavi whispered sadly.
“No, it doesn’t.” He continued his tale before Lavi could respond to that
again.
-
October 26, 1878—Kanda Household
It was Saturday, but his father was probably out whoring again. He always did
that when his mother was sick. The sickness had set in two weeks ago, and it
didn’t seem to be letting go. Yuu was afraid that this time his mother wasn’t
going to get better. Over the last few years, she’d been sick on and off.
Mostly, she was too contagious to be around, but this time, she wasn’t. This
time, she was simply too sick to be around.
The doctor had been by the week before—while his father was out, of course—and
he had given Yuu the diagnosis. Malaria. Because of her weak immune system, it
was unlikely that she would survive this one. Indeed, in only two weeks, she
had become bedridden and extremely ill.
He walked into her room with a glass of water and some light soup (if she could
keep it down). She was burning with a high fever, and Yuu replaced the cloth on
her forehead with a fresh, cold one. She gave a hacking cough, but as Yuu went
to leave, she reached out and weakly grabbed his wrist. He stopped moving at
once.
“Yuu,” she said, her voice thin and soft.
“Yes, Okaa-san?” He asked, hoping there was something he could do for her.
“When I’m on my deathbed, I need you to come and see me. It’s very
important—it’s vital that you come and see me, do you understand?” Her gaze was
piercing, and Yuu nodded immediately. “I need you to promise me. Will you
promise me, Yuu? Do you promise to come and see me, no matter what, when I’m on
my deathbed?”
“Yes, of course. I promise, Okaa-san,” Yuu said, and his mother smiled and let
her hand drop.
“Thank goodness,” she whispered, still smiling as her eyes closed. Yuu
retreated from the room, unsure of what had just transpired. His mother wasn’t
going to die. If she died, he would, too.
He sat outside his mother’s room, waiting for another request, and he opened a
book after an hour or so. After three hours of nothing, he went into her room,
but she was napping lightly. Satisfied that she wouldn’t be needing anything
for a while, he went to his room, which was next to hers.
He heard the telltale sign of his father coming home, and he sighed, closing
his book. Walking out of his room, he took his customary position in front of
his mother’s door. His father never came back during the day. He couldn’t
remember a time when he had. He thought back to all the afternoons he had spent
outside. He hadn’t heard his father there, although he had been too busy
entertaining himself, reading, or lying under the lotus bushes to pay attention
to what happened inside. A thought struck him. His mother always went inside at
about three or so. Looking at the clock across the hall, he noted that it was
3:12. Fear wrapped around his stomach. Had all his efforts been for nothing?
He shook his head. No, his mother just went inside because she had such a weak
body. The excuse sounded weak, even to his ears. Hadn’t she always told him to
stay outside until six o’clock every time she went in? Hadn’t he always nodded,
glad that he had more time in the fresh, peaceful air?
He went back into his room, closing the door behind him, and he waited to see
what would happen. His father entered his mother’s room, and after a minute,
the yells and screams began.
“Yasuo-san, stop!” His mother shouted, and Yuu burst into the room. Just like
when he was five, his father was overtop his mother, doing to her what he often
did to Yuu.
“Otou-san, get off her,” he growled, not caring what punishment he got. His
father didn’t even look over at him, just continued assaulting her. “She’s
sick! You’re going to kill her!” He screamed, hoping the neighbors could hear.
Perhaps they could stop this. He screamed and screamed until he felt something
hard hitting the side of his face. He heard a knock on their front door as he
hit the ground painfully.
“Kanda-san, Fumiko, is everything alright in there?” He heard a voice ask
timidly. He looked over and saw his mother’s friend Emiko at the door. He saw
her eyes widen as she took in the scene. She looked past him, probably toward
his defiled mother, and added, “the police are on their way, don’t worry,
Fumiko.”
Yuu scrambled back as his father strode angrily over to his mother’s friend,
stepping on Yuu’s hand as he did so. He grabbed Emiko by the neck and threw her
bodily into the wall. Yuu heard a distinct cracking noise, and he saw blood
staining the wall as the woman fell a few centimeters. Her eyes widened in fear
as his father’s hand tightened around her throat.
“YASUO-SAN! STOP! STOP NOW!” His mother screamed, and she thrashed on the bed,
trying to get up. Yuu tore his eyes away from Emiko to look at his mother and
saw her tied to one of the bed posts with his father’s shirt.
His father didn’t stop, not until Emiko had gone still, her wide eyes blank
with death. Yuu shuddered and dragged himself across the floor to his mother.
He freed her with shaking hands, and she pulled him into her arms.
His father stood there for a while, hand still clenched around Emiko’s throat
as if her body would continue to breathe if he removed it. A heavy silence
draped itself like a blanket over the three remaining people in the room.
A knock pervaded the thick air, and his father went to answer the door,
checking to see that no blood was on him. There was none.
“Kanda-san, is everything alright here?” An unfamiliar voice asked.
“Yes, I’m sorry. The neighbors must have heard Yuu-chan’s tantrum. I’m terribly
sorry to have accidentally brought you out here,” his father replied, speaking
sickeningly politely, as he did in the restaurant. Yuu hated the switch. It was
as if his father was a good man.
“Ah, you’ve calmed him down, then?”
“Yes, he’s just worried because his mother is sick.”
“Ah, I’m sorry to take you away from your wife. Have a good day.”
“You too, officer.”
A moment of fear passed, and then his father was stomping back into the room,
face purple and livid. As he reached them, he cuffed Yuu hard on the head.
“I’m due back at the restaurant. The rest will have to wait until tonight.” He
turned to stare directly into Yuu’s eyes. “You will not get in my way tonight,
boy,” he hissed. Yuu quivered in fear, and his mother’s arms tightened around
him, despite her weakness from fever.
They waited for a long time after his father left before they moved.
“We’re leaving tonight, Yuu,” his mother said calmly. He looked up at her and
saw a tear run down her cheek. She let go of her son and walked over to her
dead friend. “Oh, Emiko,” she said sadly, cradling the dead woman in her arms.
Yuu watched his mother cry until she was asleep. He was too small to drag her
back to the bed, so he rolled up his futon and brought it to her room.
He packed clothes for both himself and his mother, and he was shocked at the
number of ruined yukatas in her dresser. He really had been clueless. His
father must have returned so many times to beat and rape her while Yuu was
outside, enjoying the fact that there was a world outside of the house. Guilt
berated him, beating him over the head like his father often did. He hadn’t
stopped his mother from getting hurt at all.
That night, he cooked dinner. His mother sat, expressionless, at the table,
waiting for the simple dish he made. She looked at the lotus flowers on the
table, and she began to stroke the petals on one of them.
“Wait—lotus flowers? I mean, you mentioned them earlier, but do they have
anything to do with—”
“Shut up,Baka Usagi,I’mgettingto that part.”
Lavi shut his mouth, and Yuu heard the click of his teeth snapping together.
They ate in the same silence that had surrounded them since his father had
left.
His father was home late, later than usual. As always, the stench of booze
surrounded him like an aura. He sat down at the table and started eating the
dish that had been left out for him.
“What is this slop?” He asked nastily. “Did the stupid boy make it?”
“Yasuo-san, be quiet,” his mother said sharply. He looked up at her.
“Whaddid you say?”
“I won’t tolerate you talking to my son like that,” she answered, trying to
sound firm, but the weakness in her voice rather lessened the effect.
“I’ll talk to my son how I like, bitch.”
“No, you won’t. We’re leaving tonight. I just wanted you to know so you
wouldn’t bother us anymore. I will be going to my uncle’s house with Yuu, and
he will care for Yuu when I die. Do not come after us, Yasuo-san. You’ve
already ruined both our lives.”
His father reached over the table, grabbing his sick mother by the collar of
her latest yukata. With surprising strength, he pulled her onto the table and
knocked her down so she was lying on her back. He ripped her yukata as he did
whenever he was too impatient, and he began to hit and kick her. She didn’t
make a noise.
“Not in front of Yuu,” she pleaded. His father reached out a hand and slammed
Yuu into the corner of the table. His head hit it sharply, and everything went
black.
The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was his mother’s pained gaze.
Her eyes were squinting with distress, and tears fell freely from them. Her
face was almost unrecognizable, her nose smashed and her cheeks sporting large,
swollen bruises. Her breathing was labored, and Yuu wasn’t sure if that was
from the injuries or her illness.
He felt himself being lifted, and he looked up, horrified, into his father’s
terrifying eyes.
“You’re next, Yuu-chan,” he sing-songed, and Yuu gulped. He knew he would not
survive this.
His father did not hold back. Yuu had never known pain so horrible. His father
came at him with an already bloody tomato knife. He gasped. Looking over at his
mother for a split-second, he realized that she was lying in a pool of blood.
His father grabbed his too-short hair, and this time, the tomato knife cut into
his head. Yuu saw his hair fall to the ground. His father had gotten better at
not cutting off his scalp, but he didn’t seem to care tonight, and Yuu hissed
as one cut went past his hairline, causing blood to fall down his face and into
his eyes. Another cut went deeply down the side of his scalp, and he whimpered
at the feeling of knife nicking bone.
The knife was suddenly gone, and Yuu screeched as a new, larger pain went
through his left thigh.
“How many times do I have to tell you to be quiet?” His father growled, and he
shook the handle of the knife that was now sheathed in Yuu’s leg. Yuu couldn’t
respond, just shook his head as unwanted tears fell. He was still whimpering,
but he couldn’t help himself. Not even the pain of being raped could be
compared to this.
“Does this hurt, Yuu-chan?” His father asked in that hateful, almost-playful
voice. That horrible, predatory smile was on his face. “Should I make it go
away?”
Yuu didn’t like the sound of that.
His father ripped the knife from his leg, and Yuu screamed. At some point, the
blade had become stuck in the wooden floor, pinning his leg to it. The force of
the upward motion threw his leg up, and small, wooden splinters embedded
themselves in the back of his thigh.
He felt his father kick in three of his ribs, breaking them as if he were
stepping on twigs. Breathing immediately became difficult as one punctured his
lung. He coughed, and blood dripped from his mouth to the floor. A kick in the
side threw him on his back, and then his father had the belt out again. He had
long ago learned how to be silent when his father whipped him, but this time,
it was impossible not to make a sound. He cried out anew with each lash on his
back.
An elbow hit his back, and the tomato knife made a reappearance as it slashed
through the back of his pants and through flesh. He knew what was going to
happen next, and he tried to crawl away, but everything hurt, and he couldn’t
move.
Thankfully, Yuu’s body was too injured to react to it, and some of the disgust
that lay in the pit of his stomach lessened at that.
His father took a very long time, each thrust pushing his broken rib farther
into his lung. He finished up and left the room, leaving Yuu a sniveling mess
on the ground. It always happened this way. A few minutes later, he heard his
father leave.
A sigh of relief came from his mother, who was thankfully only a few
centimeters from him.
“Yuu,” she breathed. She coughed for a while, and Yuu saw blood come from her
mouth, too.
“Okaa-san,” he choked back. His words were thick with the blood that suffocated
him. His rib throbbed in agony.
“Yuu, you have to live on. Can you promise me you’ll do that?” She asked
weakly.
“I don’t understand,” he said.
“There is a spell that my family learned of, and it can heal you, keep you
alive for a full life cycle. It will keep you from getting hurt and sick. It
ties you to the petals of the lotus. It can only be invoked by someone who
loves you deeply and wishes for you to live.”
“I still don’t understand, Okaa-san.”
“I am dying. I was dying before this happened. The spell will take my life to
invoke it, but I only have minutes left, so Yuu, please promise me you’ll agree
to let me do it,” his mother pleaded, her voice fading.
Yuu nodded and dragged himself next to his mother.
“Will you get a lotus flower from the pot on the table?” His mother asked
weakly. He nodded and stood, despite the pain. His left leg crumpled beneath
him, but he managed to grab the pot, knocking it over as he pulled the bouquet
down. Gently, he put one of the light pink flowers in his mother’s hand. She
smiled gently at him.
“It is invoked with a promise. Yuu, I want you to find the one person in this
world who is special to you. The one who can protect you and whom you can
protect. The one person with whom you can share a mutual love, like I was never
able to. At that point, the Lotus will keep you alive, and your life expectancy
will change to match that of your partner. Will you allow the Lotus to do that
for you, Yuu?”
“I promise, Okaa-san,” he responded through sobs that brought up an alarming
amount of blood.
“With this promise, I hereby tie you to the lotus flower. May you live in good
health and happiness, Yuu.” The lotus began to glow slightly, and something
strange happened.
Their two separate pools of blood mingled, and a thin line of dark red liquid
rose up to face Yuu. It stabbed at him, ripping his shirt to shreds as it came
near. It hit his chest with a pain far worse than the knife through his leg,
and Yuu screamed until his voice was gone. Even then, he continued to let out
air, even though it made no noise. His tears increased exponentially, and he
couldn’t keep his eyes open. His left breast was burning, and it wasn’t
stopping. He wanted to die—but no, his mother had just told him to live. He
needed to live, but the pain was so awful. He wanted to lay down and give up,
but—
The pain stopped as suddenly as it had begun, and when Yuu looked down on his
chest to inspect the damage, he saw a dark red mark on his scarred chest, just
over his left breast. The mark steadily darkened until it was ink black. The
pain in his body began to recede, as if the mark was pulling it in. He felt the
rib his lung snap back into place with the others. He felt the hole in his lung
close. Wooden splinters fell from his thigh to the floor as that wound closed,
scarring with alarming speed. Blood stopped flowing from the wounds on his back
and scalp, and one by one, the rest of his injuries, old and new, began to
heal.
His mother smiled peacefully as death stole the light from her eyes.
He clutched the lotus flower and ripped his eyes away from his dead mother. He
ran over to the small cabinet where they kept mementos of his grandparents.
Dumping his grandmother’s ashes into his grandfather’s urn, he took the
deceased lady’s urn and carefully placed the lotus flower inside.
He put on a new jinbei, wincing as each movement he made hurt his barely-healed
broken ribs and battered body. Pausing only to say good-bye once more to his
mother’s body, he left. He never once turned back.
-
“So that’s how it happened. Bookman and I had always wondered about the origin
of that spell. This is the first time I didn’twantto know something,” Lavi
said. He still held Yuu tightly in his arms, and Yuu was glad the other man was
making no signs of leaving him. “Where did you go?”
-
October 27, 1878—Japan
Yuu ran from the household of his ruined childhood. He had no money, but dinner
lasted him until he reached the next town around dawn. He collapsed to the
ground, panting. His battered body had begun to feel better the longer he’d
run, and now, he could barely feel any of the pain from the previous evening.
He allowed himself to rest in a nearby alley, and a few hours later, he started
to run again, pausing only to get a long drink from the town’s well. He
grimaced at the bitter taste but was glad for the water anyway.
He continued on his way, always keeping to the road so he could find the next
town. He knew from the maps he had sometimes studied in the afternoons that he
would not reach another village for a few days, and he hoped he’d be able to
make it. He was determined to live for his mother.
A raindrop hit his face, and he put a hand to it. When was the last time he had
felt rain? His mother had never allowed him outside during a storm, saying he’d
catch a cold, and whenever the sky began to even hint at it, she would go
inside. Yuu would invariably follow her. Now he wanted to feel the rain. Maybe
it could wash away the dirt that he felt was inside him. The drops became more
and more frequent, and when it finally started to drizzle lightly, Yuu stopped
running and turned his face to the sky.
Hours later, when the rain had stopped, Yuu stood up, and he continued on his
journey. His feet sunk slightly into the muddy ground, and the wet leaves made
him slip several times. He was covered in mud and sludge by the next time he
chose to break. He did not sleep that night—he couldn’t. He knew that bad
things could happen in the night.
He walked onward, never looking back, even though he was exhausted, starving,
and thirsty. By the middle of the twenty-eighth of October, Yuu fell face-first
into the soft ground and passed out.
---
October 28, 1878—Japan
Something was nudging his shoulder, pulling him from unconsciousness. He
cracked an eye open and yelled, scrambling back a meter or so.
There was an old foreigner with frizzy, light brown hair leaning too close to
him.
“Are you okay?” The mustached man asked in highly accented Japanese. Yuu could
barely understand him.
A sturdy teenager came up behind the man and placed his hand on the foreigner’s
shoulder.
“His heart is beating like a bird’s. He is scared,” the teen said, also in
Japanese. The foreigner raised an eyebrow.
“Oh?” He looked at Yuu, smiling pleasantly. “I won’t hurt you. Can you tell me
your name?”
Yuu backed up further and shook his head.
A green light pulsed from the man’s strange gold and black coat. Surprise lit
the man’s features.
“Intéressant,” the man muttered to himself in a language Yuu had never heard
before. He reached into his coat, and Yuu readied himself to jump up and run
past these two crazy people. The man produced a shiny, red apple and held it
out to Yuu.
“You look famished. Would you like something to eat?” He said, placing the
apple in the grass next to the road. Yuu’s stomach let out a hungry growl, and
he couldn’t resist the offer of food. He slowly crawled forward, ready to back
up if they struck him, and snatched the apple. He retreated back to his earlier
position and tore into it, the juice running down his face in his haste.
“I am an Exorcist,” the man said as Yuu ate ravenously. “I am in an
organization called the Dark Order, and we are fighting an enemy called the
Millennium Earl.”
Yuu didn’t particularly care, but he listened anyway, as the man seemed to
think this was important knowledge to impart on him.
“We fight with weapons made from something called Innocence. Innocence chooses
people to accommodate with, and one of the pieces in my coat is reacting to
you.”
Yuu looked up, genuinely surprised. “So?” He said through a large chunk of
apple. He despised himself for his horrifying lack of manners.
“I would like you to come with us and train to be an Exorcist,” the man said,
looking relieved that Yuu had finally said something.
“No,” he said, backing further away.
“I’m really sorry, but you have to come with me. The Order doesn’t give people
choices in the matter.” His voice was heavy, almost regretful.
Yuu dropped what was left of the apple and ran, hoping that he was heading in
the correct direction. He didn’t care, though, if it got him away from the
strange foreigner and the teenager. Something caught the back of his muddy
jinbei, and he went flying up.
“I’m so sorry about this,” the foreigner said, sounding sincere, and Yuu felt
something hit the side of his head.
---
He awoke a few minutes later, his throbbing head already feeling much better.
He looked up and saw up the foreigner’s large nose. He was held tightly in the
man’s arms, and he resigned himself to the fact that he was being abducted. He
decided to look at his surroundings, to see where they were headed. As he
looked out, they passed by the spot where his discarded apple was—so he had
been going in the wrong direction—and Yuu cried out when he saw his
grandmother’s urn.
“My urn!” He shouted, struggling to free himself from the arms that carried
him.
The bouncing of the man’s walk stopped, and Yuu felt the man’s chest
reverberate as he hmmm’d to himself.
“Noise,” he said softly, “would you grab the urn on the ground?”
A moment later, the urn was placed into his hands by the large teenager. Yuu
grasped it tightly, holding it to his chest.
“How are you awake so quickly?” The man asked, and Yuu realized he was being
talked to.
“Magic,” he said. It wasn’t a lie.
“If you say so,” the man replied.
The man carried him to the next town, and they arrived long after the sun had
set. Yuu tried to remain as alert as possible but soon found himself drifting
off, and he hated himself for it. He couldn’t even protect himself.
When he awoke, he was on a soft bed. Looking around, he flinched when he
noticed the teenager sitting next to him. His eyes were vacant though, as if he
couldn’t see. Yuu attempted to get off the bed, but a large hand reached out
and pushed him back down. He shuddered from the touch.
The teenager said something in a language Yuu couldn’t understand.
“Ego o hanashimasu ka?” He asked. Yuu shook his head, and even though the
teenager seemed blind, his face lit up in understanding. “I don’t speak
Japanese very well,” he added in stilted Japanese. “My master does, though.”
The hand left Yuu’s shoulder, and he bolted to the door. Before he could even
open it, tiny strings pulled him back. He didn’t yell out—that wasn’t
allowed—but he did start pounding his fists on the door. After a moment, the
door opened, and Yuu yelped and allowed the strings to heave him back to the
bed.
“Please don’t try to escape,” the foreigner said. He looked at the teenager.
“Noise, deactivate your Innocence. We don’t want to scare him anymore than he
is.”
Yuu felt the strings go slack, and then they were gone. The foreigner pulled a
strange, glowing crystal from his jacket, and he placed it at the end of the
bed.
“I don’t believe I’ve introduced myself yet,” he said, looking Yuu in the eye.
“My name is General Froi Tiedoll. That green crystal in front of you is your
Innocence. Will you pick it up for me?”
Yuu narrowed his eyes calculatingly. This man was obviously crazy, but at the
same time, he had nothing to lose. It was not like he really wanted to live
anyway. If he accidentally broke his promise to his mother, she would
understand, she would forgive him. Carefully, he reached out a hand and touched
the gently glowing crystal. It flashed and changed form. It lengthened out
until it was nearly as long as he was tall. The glow dissipated, and in its
place was a straight, black blade that ended with a long, sturdy hilt. Yuu
recognized it instantly as a chokuto. He blinked as he heard a whisper in his
ear: Mugen. That was this chokuto’s name, he knew immediately.
Turning the blade in his hands, he was surprised by how light it was, as if it
was crafted out of rice paper rather than metal. He wished it was a bit
heavier, and suddenly, it was. It was a comforting weight, neither too light
nor too heavy, and it felt good in his hands. Yuu felt grateful for the
foreigner for giving him such a beautiful, elegant weapon. He brought the edge
of the blade near the hilt to his wrist and pulled it until he couldn’t drag
anymore across. He didn’t scream as his wrist began to bleed profusely. He
barely felt the pain.
“Putain!” Tiedoll grabbed his right arm and pulled Yuu’s new weapon from him.
Dropping it to the floor unceremoniously, he reached over and seized Yuu’s left
wrist. He spoke to himself rapidly, and Yuu thought that perhaps it was good
that he couldn’t understand the man. He gazed up at the foreigner, but the man
was already applying pressure to his wrist.
The man froze. “Quoi?” He said blankly. He twisted Yuu’s arm around, and Yuu
let it move, already meditating his mind beyond the present reality. “Où est la
blessure?” He looked at Yuu again.
“How did you do that?” He asked.
“Magic,” Yuu replied in a monotone.
“Pardon?” The man asked, and Yuu figured he was asking for some type of
repetition.
“Magic,” he said again.
“Did you really cut yourself?” Tiedoll asked in wonder.
“Can’t you see the blood?” Yuu asked rhetorically.
“Ah, yes. Well, you’ll be needing a bath. You’re horribly muddy, and now you’re
covered in blood,” the General said.
Yuu came crashing down into the present, and he pushed himself against the
headboard. He would not get in the bath with this man. Baths were his own
private affair. Even if the man didn’t do anything to him, he still didn’t want
anyone to see all his scars. His mother had told him once that it was bad for
people to see him, and he agreed. He didn’t want anyone knowing what had
happened to him. He screamed out as the teenager’s arms heaved him over his
shoulder. He squirmed, trying to hit and kick anything that would make the
teenager drop him, but the other kid’s grip remained firm and steady, like a
rock.
“Would you kindly do it, Noise?” The General asked, and the teenager nodded.
Yuu screamed and flailed wildly as Noise—Yuu assumed that was his name—grimly
peeled off his disgusting clothing and unceremoniously dumped him in the bath.
“Can you clean yourself?” He asked bluntly in a soft voice.
“Yes,” Yuu replied hurriedly.
“Good, because I don’t want to do it. Damn Tiedoll.”
“You hate him?” Yuu asked in wonder.
“He dumped you on me when it’s obvious you’re old enough to be capable of at
least washing yourself,” he replied grumpily. Yuu decided this teenager wasn’t
the worst person he’d ever met.
“Could you… not stare?” Yuu asked, pulling his legs to his chest, hiding his
scars and Lotus Mark.
“You’re not going to do anything stupid if I leave, right?”
Yuu looked away. He couldn’t respond, though.
“I thought so,” Noise said and dropped himself to the floor. “Besides, I can’t
see anything anyway, so you don’t have to worry.”
“How can you move around so well?” Yuu asked as he scrubbed away all the muck
that had caked on his skin.
“You must have noticed the objects on my ears?”
Yuu nodded, and the teenager continued, as if he had seen the action.
“They magnify my hearing far beyond normal capacity. I see through sound waves,
if that makes any sense. They’re part of my Innocence.” He sounded almost
proud, just like Yuu had felt when he’d first seen his chokuto.
As Yuu slowly washed himself, Noise explained as best he could about Innocence
and the Dark Order. Half an hour later, Yuu finished scraping away the dried
blood, and as he lifted himself from the bath to grab a towel, the door burst
open.
“I’m sorry! I forgot that I really had to pee!” Tiedoll shouted, rushing in. “I
can’t hold it in any longer!” He paused, staring at Yuu.
“Merde, mon dieu!” He breathed as he took in each of Yuu’s scars. Yuu blushed
heavily and lunged for the towel, wrapping it tightly around his chest like—as
his father had once said—a woman. “Je comprends… merde.” He turned to his
apprentice. “Noise, take him to the room. I still have to pee.”
Yuu was whisked away and promptly dropped roughly on the bed. He saw Noise
covering his face with a hand and sighing in annoyance.
“That idiot,” he muttered. Yuu couldn’t help but agree and found himself
nodding. “Do you have anything else to wear?” He added to Yuu. Yuu shook his
head.
“I suppose that means I’ll be washing your clothes. Sit tight.” The teenager
left the room with an aggrieved expression on his face as Tiedoll left the
bathroom, looking relieved.
He sat on the bed. Yuu scrambled back, careful to keep the towel covering him.
“You poor child,” the foreigner said. There was something about the pity in the
man’s voice that annoyed Yuu.
They sat in silence. Noise returned with Yuu’s washed clothes and an overlarge
shirt, which Yuu put on hurriedly as Noise hung up his clothes to dry.
“Would you kindly tell me your name?” Tiedoll asked softly.
“Kanda Yuu,” he said sullenly, picking at the baggy shirt absently.
“Yuu-kun, will you tell me what happened?” The man asked kindly.
“No.”
“Will you explain the magic to me, then?”
“It’s just magic.”
He grabbed the bloody chokuto from the ground and ran the blade down his
forearm, slicing it open. He waited as the wound closed itself and healed
steadily until even the scar was gone. Tiedoll stared, transfixed.
“How..?” He asked, probably to himself. Yuu stood up and walked to the pitcher
of water on the bedside table. He rinsed his arm off before looking back at his
abductor.
“Where is my urn?” He demanded. He needed to see the lotus, needed to see that
it was undamaged.
“It fell from your grip and broke during the night, I’m sorry,” the man said,
looking away.
Yuu’s heart skipped a beat. “What about the flower inside it? Where is that?”
He asked urgently, grabbing the man before he realized what he was doing. He
came to his senses and backed up until he was against the headboard of the bed
again.
The man reached into his pocket and produced the lotus flower. Yuu leaned
forward and snatched it carefully from the man’s hand. He inspected it and
noted one of the petals was a bit rumpled, though the rest of it seemed
undamaged.
“Would you like something to put that in?” Tiedoll asked kindly, and Yuu
nodded. If this man was going to offer him things, who was he to refuse it?
-
“Tiedoll and Noise took me out the next day and bought me clothes. We passed a
glassware shop, and I saw a large hourglass inside. Tiedoll bought it for me,
and the lotus flower has been in it ever since. We traveled through several
towns before we found Mugen’s scabbard, though. We never stayed in one place
for very long, so I didn’t have to worry about my father ever finding me. I
still didn’t trust them, especially Tiedoll.”
“Did they teach you to fight at that time?” Lavi asked.
“No—they were afraid to let me near Mugen. They knew I’d try to do myself in.”
“How many times did you try?”
“Any time I found a way, I tried it. By the middle of November, they knew
better than to leave me on my own. Tiedoll wouldn’t even let me bathe alone. He
was convinced I would have tried to drown myself.”
“Would you have?”
“Probably.” He snorted. “Not that it would have done any good,” he added
sarcastically.
-
January 19, 1879—Port in Egypt
They had left Japan a bit over a month and a half ago, and Yuu was thoroughly
sick of the sea. Tiedoll had said that they were heading toward the Dark
Order’s Headquarters, its main branch outside of London. Reluctantly, they had
allowed him to carry Mugen around with him, as they had noticed his decreased
suicide attempts. Not that he hadn’t tried to throw himself off the side of the
ship a few times. One time, he had almost succeeded, but a crew member had
caught him as he jumped up on the rail.
“Are you trying to kill yourself?” The man barked rhetorically.
“Yes,” Yuu replied matter-of-factly.
“Where’re your parents?” The seaman groaned, looking irritated.
“Dead,” he said flatly.
Tiedoll ran up. “Oh good,” he panted, putting a relieved hand to his heart.
“Someone caught him before he jumped. I’m terribly sorry, sir, but Yuu-kun’s a
bit…” He trailed off. He quickly grabbed Yuu and threw him over his large
shoulder, walking swiftly away.
“I’m just a bit what?” Yuu mumbled angrily.
“I was going to say ‘suicidal,’ but I thought that was self-explanatory,” the
man replied, sitting Yuu down next to Noise.
“Don’t let him out of your sight, Noise—or, well, your range of hearing,
anyway.” Tiedoll walked off.
Yuu sighed as he stepped onto the beautiful, yellow sand. He was glad to be
back on land. Vaguely, he wondered if there was any way for him to die from
sand. He wracked his brain but could think of nothing, so he resigned himself
to another day of life.
There was a huge explosion, and Yuu turned in its direction. Some of the ship’s
new cargo was up in flames, and Tiedoll stood on the rail holding a large,
shining cross in his hand. Noise stood on the deck behind him, his arms
outstretched. Something glinted in the midday sun, and Yuu noted that the
strings of the man’s Innocence were extended. They had encountered many Akuma
in their travels, and each time, Yuu had had to hide. They killed people by
turning them to ash.
It clicked.
If he was ash, there was no way he could return from that, right?
He went to turn around, to run toward the foreigner and his apprentice, but the
only remaining Akuma was right there. He didn’t move to get out of the way. It
would shoot him, right?
“YUU-KUN!” Tiedoll shouted, and the Akuma seemed to realize that Yuu was
important to the General. It cackled, and its guns primed. Maker of Eden shot
out, whiplike, but it was a fraction of a second too late.
Yuu was thrown back several meters as the bullet struck his left side. Agony
seared through him, but he could handle it—it was nothing compared to what he
had suffered at the hands of his father. It was nothing like the tomato knife
or the glass in his legs or the wine bottle or the belt whip or the…
The pain was receding. Tiedoll was at his side, holding him in his large arms,
crying over the death of his new pupil.
The pain was gone, and Yuu groaned at its loss. Not even the Akuma could kill
him? He screamed in fury at the brightly lit sky.
“Why can’t I die!?”
Tiedoll gasped and stared down at him, tears hitting Yuu’s forehead. He
squinted back up at the man.
“How are you…?”
“Magic,” Yuu spat out, furious that the Lotus Spell had saved him from
completely certain death.
“You will never explain that spell on your lotus to me?” Tiedoll asked
resignedly.
Yuu shook his head. Even though he wanted to die, Tiedoll had saved him
repeatedly. He felt a small sliver of trust attach itself to the man, and he
hated himself for it. Trusting always got him hurt, just as caring had. He had
loved his father, trusted him beyond measure, and his father had destroyed all
that. He had hurt Yuu so much…
He wanted to die, but one certainty became clear from the Akuma attack. No
matter how hard he tried, he would never be able to die. He sighed and resigned
himself to the fact that he would have to live a long life.
As they sailed up to Italy, Yuu took out his lotus, gazing at it. To his
surprise, a petal was on the bottom of the hourglass. A thin hope swirled its
way up his stomach and to his heart. Perhaps, if he wounded himself enough… But
his mother wouldn’t like that, and Yuu was tired of pain. He was so tired of
it. Perhaps, if he could just seal it all away, it wouldn’t hurt so much…
He sighed again. He could meditate on that later. He lay back on his bed in the
small, cramped room and gave up the idea of finding ways to kill himself. It
would never happen, no matter how much he wanted to die.
---
August 22, 2013, 1:37 AM—The Dark Order, Kanda’s Room
“Yuu,” Lavi whispered, sounding heartbroken as he pulled him back into his
chest. Again.
“Hmm?” He asked, too drained from relating everything to open his mouth.
“You said you wanted to die?” He asked, though it was more a statement.
“Yes,” Yuu replied, his arms sliding once more around Lavi’s waist.
Lavi pulled back just enough to look Yuu in the eyes. Yuu was startled by how
green the other man’s solitary eye was. “Do you still want to die?”
“Yes.” He tried to say it flatly, without emotion, but his voice shook with his
long-repressed grief. He saw nothing but sad understanding in Lavi’s eye.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: Holy shit. Not only did that take nearly a week to write, it
     took nearly three hours to edit. Today.
     *Muroka sake=non-carbon filtered sake that has been pressed and
     separated from the lees. It is clear, and it has a stronger flavor,
     because it is not filtered. (paraphrased-ish from Wiki)
     *Ego o hanashimasu ka?= do you speak English?, Gaki = brat
     *The French: Intéressant=interesting, Putain = whore, but in this
     case, it is used to mean “fuck,” Où est la blessure?= where is the
     wound?, Merde, mon dieu = shit, my God, Je comprends… merde = I
     understand… shit. :D
     Anyway… now you know! Sorry for the long Kanda-torture. But this is
     his turning point—from here, everything will eventually be a-ok! :D
***** Exorcists in America *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_13—Exorcists_in_America
August 22, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Yuu woke up happy. It was the first time he could remember being happy in the
morning. Lavi’s legs tangled with his, and the other man had an arm around
Yuu’s shoulder. The other was propping his head up, and he gazed past Yuu, his
eye moving rapidly from side to side.
“Mornin’, Yuu,” he mumbled, his eye still moving.
“What are you doing, Baka Usagi?” He asked, pulling himself slightly closer to
the other man’s warmth.
“Readin’,” Lavi replied shortly. The redhead shifted, and Yuu saw a book fly
across the room. Lavi sat up, smiling down at him. “’Bout time you got up. I’m
famished.”
Yuu grunted, pulling the warm covers back around him as he realized how naked
he was. He stared at Lavi, who had at some time put on his boxers, as the other
man dressed. He felt something strange, and his heart beat faster to it. He
couldn’t understand it. It was too much like when his father had forced him to
react, but this time he was doing it on his own. He didn’t understand why. He
knew he cared for Lavi, more than he’d ever cared for anyone—even his mother.
He also knew from the previous night that he didn’t mind kissing the other man,
that it made him feel very good. But he couldn’t understand it. Throughout his
entire memory, kisses had been horrible things, and he had never wanted them.
But just like everything else, Lavi was different. For some unknown reason, Yuu
wanted to kiss Lavi, he wanted to do other physical things, and above all, he
wanted to simply be with the other man.
The redhead in question was currently struggling to get his shirt over his
head, tottering unevenly as he lost his balance and fell with a heavy crash to
the floor. Yuu sat up, his tangled hair falling over his scarred chest.
“Lavi…” he started, but the other man finally got the shirt on and smiled
broadly at Yuu.
“No problem! I’m just fine!” Lavi said cheerfully, standing up again. He turned
around to put on his boots, and Yuu couldn’t help but stare.
Before leaving the room, Lavi walked over to Yuu and smiled lightly down at
him, his green eye soft. He leaned down on the bed, staring Yuu deep in the
eyes—or eye, or whatever, it all equated to the same thing.
“Thanks for telling me, Yuu,” he said, his voice as soft as his eye. He leaned
over and kissed Yuu lightly on the cheek, his lips lingering for only a second
before he pulled away. Yuu felt his heart start pounding against his ribs.
Then, ruining the moment, Lavi lightly tapped his cheek twice. “Get dressed.
I’ll see you at breakfast,” and he walked out of the room.
Yuu took his time getting ready. He found his movements stiff, as if he hadn’t
walked in a long time. He made a mental note to ask Lavi how long he’d been
asleep. He had no illusions that he hadn’t been out of it for a while. He had
heard too many incoherent conversations for him to think it had only been a day
or two. He took a long shower, letting the hot water run over his tired muscles
and loosen them up. When he finally left, he saw Lavi there, gawking stupidly
at his teeth in the mirror.
“What did you do this time?” He asked incredulously, though it came out more
like a growl. Thankfully, Lavi seemed to understand.
“I’m counting my teeth,” Lavi replied.
“Why?” Yuu was thoroughly bewildered.
“I’ve always wanted to know if there were really thirty-two.”
Yuu scoffed. “And are there?” He asked despite himself.
“Yes,” Lavi answered, following Yuu out of the bathroom. “Are you all ready,
Yuu?”
Yuu nodded. “Let me put this away first,” he muttered, gesturing to his damp
towel. Lavi nodded, and they stopped in Yuu’s room before continuing on to
breakfast together.
They walked in silence, and Yuu’s earlier thoughts began to resurface. He took
a steadying breath and laid the truths out in front of him. He cared very
deeply about Lavi. He cared about the man’s wellbeing, his moods, his
preferences, and his thoughts. He cared about what the other man thought about
him. If Lavi had shown any signs of rejection or revulsion the previous night,
he didn’t know how he would have ended up. He was also attracted to the man.
The thought didn’t disgust him—not in the normal way. He didn’t mind the fact
that it was Lavi he was attracted to, nor that Lavi was a man. What disgusted
him were his reactions. Even though he hadn’t wanted to, he had reacted
physically to his father’s abuse, and he felt utterly dirtied for it. The
thought of Lavi doing those things to him didn’t bother him—but it should have.
But everything about Lavi was different. He needed to know that it was okay to
feel these things, that his reactions were alright to have.
As they neared the door to the dining hall, Yuu steeled his nerve and pushed
Lavi against the wall with just enough force to get the man’s attention. He
stared deeply into Lavi’s shocked eye and forced himself to say something.
“Can I… kiss you?” It wasn’t exactly what he had been going for, but he wanted
to do something with Lavi, to make sure it was okay to react to the other man’s
embraces.
Lavi’s green eye widened a bit more, and then his face settled into a soft
look. “You don’t have to ask,” he said softly. Yuu swallowed nervously and
brought his lips to touch Lavi’s. It was the first time he’d initiated any
contact between the two of them—or anyone, for that matter.
Sweet sensations danced across his lips, and his heart beat in tandem with
them. Tentatively, still testing himself, Yuu ran his tongue across Lavi’s
lower lip. The man inhaled lightly, and his mouth opened obediently. Lavi did
not push the kiss any further, he simply waited for Yuu to decide what to do.
Yuu decided to deepen the kiss.
“Jesus fucking Peter on a bagel, guys!”
Yuu tore his mouth from Lavi’s and stepped back, blinking owlishly at the
Infernal Girl. Her hand was outstretched to the wall, a bagel planted firmly
against it by the cream cheese. Yuu’s face felt extremely hot.
“I don’t have a problem with you guys doing that, but seriously! I don’t like
seeing anyone make out—especially when I’m eating a bagel!”
“What does the bagel have to do with anything?” Lavi asked, blushing and
slightly breathless.
“The bagel is my sacred food! It’s pure and holy and all things good, and I
don’t want it tainted with lust! Lust is a sin, you know!” She put a hand to
her forehead dramatically, and Yuu scoffed. Someone should have told his father
that. “Dammit, now I need a new bagel!” She stormed back toward the dining
hall, returning minutes later with a new bagel in her hand.
She paused, seeing that Yuu and Lavi were still rooted to the spot. She raised
up a hand in a gesture of apology. “Not that I have anything against you two
being gay or anything, I just don’t want my bagel ruined.”
Lavi blinked.
“We’re happy?” Yuu asked blankly.
Amanda hit her head with her bagel. “SHIT!” She yelled, pulling the bagel from
her forehead and trying to wipe off the cream cheese. Lavi stepped over,
reaching out to help.
“I assume ‘gay’ is no longer an adequate term for ‘happy,’” he stated quietly
as he rubbed the last of the cream cheese from her hairline. Yuu felt an
unbidden twinge in his stomach.
“Nope!” Amanda said, shooting them a bright smile. “It means ‘homosexual!’”
Lavi snorted. “How did that happen?” He asked.
“I dunno, ask Darcy—or actually, Wiki it.”
“Do what?”
“Wiki it. Y’know, go on Wikipedia. It’s where I get all my info. It’s, like,
this awesome encyclopedia on the internet that anyone can add to.”
Lavi smiled, and Yuu thought it was bordering on mischievous.
“Anyone can add to it, you say?” He asked, his grin growing still wider. Amanda
nodded, and Yuu had to pull the stupid rabbit into the dining hall before he
could run to one of the computer labs and go on this Wikipedia, or whatever it
was called.
They had a light breakfast, and Yuu even tried some of Lavi’s eggs as they were
placed on his tray. They were as disgusting as he had thought. He decided he’d
stick with Japanese cuisine whenever possible. Yuu sighed, resigning himself to
another horrible breakfast. He tapped on the serving window, but no one was
there.
“Well, you know what!? I’ll make it myself!” A voice shouted from the kitchen.
An angry woman walked up to the service window and leaned out. Her scrunched-up
face relaxed into an expression of surprise when she saw him. “Oh! You’re new,
aren’t you? Can’t say I’m not, but I didn’t think there was another Japanese
Exorcist here.”
Yuu grunted.
“Want some soba?” She asked, and Yuu found himself nodding. He’d missed the
buckwheat noodles. “HEY, ANYONE ELSE WANT SOBA!?” She shouted down the line. A
few people responded affirmatively, and a while later, Yuu sat down with a
steaming bowl of his favorite dish. He breathed in the scent and smiled
contentedly.
Lavi dropped his fork. Yuu looked up at the noise and was revolted to find
Lavi’s mouth wide open and full of eggs.
“What’s with your face, Baka Usagi?” He asked, picking up his chopsticks and
pulling them apart.
“Yuu, you… smiled,” Lavi said unbelievingly, swallowing. “It was almost—well,
actually, it was really… sexy.”
“Hatsudou,” Yuu growled, grabbing Mugen’s hilt as it formed.
“No, don’t hurt me!” Lavi shouted, throwing his arms up to cover his face.
“Che.”
“I missed that noise,” Lavi murmured, relaxing and swallowing another enormous
wad of eggs.
Yuu dismissed the comment and gratefully began to eat his first Japanese meal
in weeks. Despite his previously unrealized hunger, he ate slowly, savoring
each bite. It wasn’t as good as his mother’s, and it was definitely not up to
par with Jerry’s, but it was soba nonetheless.
The bench scraped next to him, and the other Japanese Exorcist sat down
uncomfortably close. Yuu shivered slightly, still unsure of making contact with
others. He scooted infinitesimally away, and he was glad when Lavi covered his
action by pulling their company into a bright, loud conversation.
“I’m Lavi. I’ve never seen you around; did Allen bring you back?” He asked,
spreading jam over his toast. It was his usual strawberry jam.
“Oh, I’m Sasaki Emiko, age 21, a Taurus, blood type AB negative, single, and
looking,” she replied, winking at Lavi suggestively. “Oh, and yes, Allen did,”
she added after pausing a moment, one eye still closed.
“Er, I’m 136, a Leo, type O, and one hundred percent taken,” he replied,
shooting her a broad grin. Yuu choked a little on his soba. Lavi had never said
anything about them being… together. He shuddered at the thought. He didn’t
think he was quite prepared for any relationship, let alone one with Lavi.
Still, he had to ignore the prickle in his stomach as Sasaki-san flirted
outrageously with Lavi. His Lavi.
Wait. What?
It didn’t matter who Lavi flirted with, damn it.
“Oh, who are you with? Do I know her?” The voice was distant, as Yuu was too
far gone in thought to hear it clearly.
He jumped as he felt an arm slide lightly around his neck. Clarity returned
with Lavi’s close presence, and Yuu’s heart sped up. For once, it had nothing
to do with fear.
“You’re looking at the gay couple here!” Lavi said too loudly. Half the dining
hall looked over. “That was a double entendre, did you get it?” He laughed.
Yuu smacked him upside the head. “Stop being stupid, Baka,” he said coldly
before turning back to his breakfast, doing his best to ignore the stares. It
wasn’t hard. He didn’t care about any of them—most of them would be dead in a
week anyway.
As they finished, Moyashi and Lenalee walked in, holding hands. Yuu scoffed at
them in his head. Of all the oblivious people in the world, these two were at
the top of the list. At least he knew he felt something for Lavi. He’d known
for a long time, really, but he had never acknowledged it. But these two didn’t
have the faintest idea. It was enough to make anyone want to hit their head on
the wall hard enough to cause a concussion.
“Oh, Kanda-kun, you’re finally awake!” Lenalee exclaimed, waving a hand in
greeting as they caught sight of each other. She came up to him and leaned
forward as if to give him a pat on the arm, but she doubled back, thinking
better of it. For the first time, Yuu felt a twinge of annoyance. Had she
always been doing that?
Swallowing his pride, he reached out to her instead, patting her lightly on her
shoulder as she sat down. “…Thank you… for… worrying,” he said slowly,
haltingly, averting his eyes.
He looked up in time to see Lenalee’s eyes widen. She smiled brightly and
nodded. “I’m just glad you’re okay,” she said, her voice tight with some
unintelligible emotion. Yuu had the uncomfortable notion that it was joy. He
didn’t understand joy.
“Lavi,” Lenalee called as they began to move away. He looked over at her,
raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah?”
“You need to go down to Hevlaska’s chamber. The Grand Marshalls want to see
you. They’ve made their decision.” She nodded politely to them and turned
around to eat her breakfast.
Yuu sent a questioning glance Lavi’s way. “What the fuck?” He asked eloquently.
Lavi fiddled a bit with his hands. “Er, well, we were kinda on trial for, er…”
He mumbled something about a stupid Director, and Yuu growled.
“Speak up, retard.”
“Don’t treat me like Allen,” Lavi said, offended. As if to lighten his tone, he
looked over at Yuu and smiled. “I, er, almost killed Smith.”
Yuu stared back incredulously, his mouth hanging open in an undignified manner.
“It was an accident… mostly. He did deserve it, though!” Lavi defended himself
with a blush of guilt on his face.
“What did he do?”
“He, er, promise me you won’t go running after him, ne?”
Yuu nodded.
“He called you a Chinese hermaphrodite. It was kinda the last straw, y’know?”
Lavi looked over at Yuu, whose lips were twitching up in silent laughter. His
eye widened.
“How is that funny?” He asked incredulously.
“How burned did he get?” Yuu asked grimly, losing his fight to keep his lips
neutral. A small smile sat amusedly on his face, and Lavi did a double take.
“Not burned enough because a sprout got in the way,” he replied. Smiling
brightly, the other man threw his arms around Yuu’s shoulders, forcing him to
the ground.
“What was that for, Baka Usagi?” He growled, trying to push the other man off
him, but Lavi had steadfastly attached himself to Yuu’s waist.
“That’s the second time you’ve smiled today, and I just couldn’t help myself!”
He exclaimed, grinning a broad but genuine grin.
Yuu scoffed, turning his head away and trying again to push the annoying idiot
off him.
“So why am I on trial?”
“Ah, insubordination!” The redhead shouted in his ear. “But I’ve basically
cleared you of that so you don’t have to worry.” He added quickly.
“What about you?” Yuu asked, for some reason, genuinely worried.
“Oh, no problem,” Lavi dismissed immediately, patting him on the back lightly,
“I’ve managed to convince them that I’m crazy, so it’s really no problem.” Yuu
managed to pull far enough away to glare at the idiot in front of him.
“They’re going to lock you up!” He said incredulously.
“Oh, no they won’t!” Lavi said cheerfully, waving a dismissive hand next to
Yuu’s ear.
“You are entirely too confident for your own good,” Yuu responded bluntly.
“You just have no trust in my abilities,” Lavi pouted.
“No, I have complete trust in your abilities, which is why I’m…” his voice
trailed off, but he made himself finish quietly, “worried.”
“Aww, I knew you cared, Yuu-chan,” Lavi teased.
“I already told you that on the deck, Baka Usagi,” Yuu said gruffly. “Now come
on, let’s go.”
Grudgingly, Lavi let Yuu go and stood up. Dusting off his pant legs, he
continued down the hall, not waiting for Yuu to follow. The redhead strolled
easily into the large chamber, his arms resting behind his head. He had
chattered loudly on their way down, and it reminded Yuu very much of how
annoying the other man could be. His hand twitched repeatedly to Mugen, but he
knew that that particular threat would never work again—Lavi knew he would
never be able to do it. He’d have to think of something less… life-threatening.
“Good morning, gentlemen—or gentleladies, as I can’t see what gender you are,”
the middle Grand Marshall said from his illuminated chair. Yuu bristled at the
comment, but he let it go. Having light shining in one’s eyes all day wasn’t
conducive to seeing one’s audience.
“Good mooooorning!” Lavi shouted out, waving a cheery hand at the ominous group
above.
“Ah,” one of the other Grand Marshalls said, “it’s the ex-Bookman.”
The one in the middle cleared his throat. “We have come to a decision,” he said
authoritatively.
“Aaaand?” Lavi asked annoyingly.
“We have had Smith replaced, and we will ignore the insubordination should the
two of you continue going on missions—”
“See, it’s not so bad, Yuu!” Lavi grinned over at him.
The Grand Marshall cleared his throat again. “As I was saying, as long as the
two of you continue with your missions, the insubordination will be ignored. As
for your murder attempt, Exorcist Lavi, we found you incapable of making
rational decisions and would like you to be assessed by a psych professional in
our hospital wing before you’re sent out again.”
Lavi’s grin slipped a little, but a fake one replaced it. “Gotcha, Marshie! So,
when should I go in?”
“As soon as possible.”
Lavi nodded. “Anything else?”
“No.”
“Then c’mon, Yuu-chan, let’s go!” Lavi threw his arms up and one landed around
his shoulders. Yuu allowed the contact as he was dragged from the chamber. When
they reached Yuu’s room, his heart rate had finally found a regular, if
twittering, beat.
Lavi sat on Yuu’s bed, and Yuu found himself pulling his desk chair to sit
across from the rabbit. His heart immediately returned to normal when he saw
Lavi’s face. There was nothing outwardly wrong with it Lavi was smiling, as
usual, but his eye showed a completely different emotion, one that not even his
amazing acting skills could hide.
“Lavi, what’s wrong?” Yuu asked, staring the other man directly in the eye.
Lavi jumped as if he hadn’t expected anyone to see past his façade.
“Eh?”
“You’re expression’s all wrong. What are you upset about?” Yuu asked, leaning
forward, pinning Lavi in place with his eyes.
“I – I’m upset?” Lavi asked, sounding genuinely shocked, but Yuu knew better.
Grabbing the man’s wrists, trying to be careful of the injuries, he pinned Lavi
to his mattress. “Oh, Yuu, I didn’t think you would be so forward,” Lavi said
in a fluttery voice.
“Shut up,” Yuu growled, tightening his grip on Lavi’s wrists. He paused.
Something felt strange. He looked at one and saw lines not of stitches but of
Innocence. He reminded himself to ask Lavi about this development later—and now
he remembered the man using his hands just as he had before he’d ruined
them—and he turned his attention back to Lavi’s face, which had lost its grin
and was desperately trying to regain it. “You don’t have to pretend with me.”
The man’s face still seemed determined to save its cheery mask, the one that
“Lavi” always wore.
“Stop trying to be ‘Lavi’ and be yourself for once,” Yuu hissed, resisting the
urge to hit the other man.
Lavi looked as if he’d been slapped anyway. “I… what?” His mask was gone again,
just as it had been since the night before, when Yuu had awoken for the first
time in who knew how long. A look of confusion now spread across Lavi’s face,
as if he hadn’t realized what he had been doing.
“You were being ‘Lavi,’” Yuu said in a clipped tone. Lavi shrunk back, though
Yuu didn’t know why.
“Sorry,” he muttered after a long time, and he stopped trying to sink into the
mattress. “I just… really don’t want to be assessed. I know I’m messed up, I
don’t need others telling me that.”
Yuu pulled on the other man’s wrists, and the redhead came flying up into his
arms. Holding Lavi tightly, Yuu said, “Then don’t let them assess you.”
Lavi looked confused. Yuu sighed and clarified. “Show up like you’re supposed
to, listen to their questions, but don’t give them any real answers.” Lavi
looked absolutely shocked, as if the thought of lying had never come to the
world’s biggest liar. “How do you think I got through it?” Yuu added.
“You were…?”
“When I got back with Tiedoll. They were worried I’d try to commit suicide.
They were stupid, though; I’d long since stopped trying—it wasn’t worth it. The
idiot doctor kept going on about how suicide was a sin and a betrayal to the
Order. He was an idiot.”
“You said ‘idiot’ twice to describe the doctor,” Lavi commented, and when Yuu
looked into his eye, he thought the other man looked much more peaceful.
“Che,” he said, unable to think of any other response.
“I really did miss that,” Lavi said quietly, squeezing Yuu just a little bit.
Yuu growled but let Lavi do what he wanted.
There was a knock on the door, and the Moyashi’s voice came from outside,
“Kanda, Lavi, we’ve got a meeting in the Director’s office.”
Lavi hissed in anger, but he reluctantly let Yuu go, and they walked together
with Moyashi and Lenalee to the familiar office.
---
August 22, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Allen strode down the hallway, hand-in-hand with Lenalee. They had spent the
night talking on his bed, and it had taken a toll on Allen. He could now feel
the Musician’s presence, but the Noah was so heavily chained in the back of his
mind that it hardly seemed to matter. Still, as he had tried very hard not to
think things he wasn’t supposed to, he had heard the Musician sing out praises
of his beloved girl. It seemed the Musician liked her, too, and for some
reason, Allen was strangely happy about that. It was like his entire mind was
focused on Lenalee, and having the Noah in his mind had stopped being an
everyday struggle. He had been absolutely elated the night before, especially
since Lenalee was there and the Musician wasn’t. Mostly.
“Kanda-kun seems to be getting better,” Lenalee said as they passed a young man
with blond hair dressed in street clothes.
“I’m glad—I’ll even let him call me Moyashi for a day,” Allen replied,
squeezing her hand. Her smile grew a little bit brighter.
Laaaaa, sang the Musician. Allen drowned him out with thoughts of Lenalee. Even
though the Noah was returning, it wasn’t enough for him to be truly bothered
with.
“Allen Walker!”
Allen and Lenalee both turned back to see the blond man hailing them, an arm
outstretched as it waved.
“Yes?” Allen said, his tone coming out more questioning than he’d meant for it
to be.
“I’m in a bit of a hurry, but I wanted to tell you that due to your support of
Lavi, Director Smith has been dispensed with… finally. We’d been trying to get
rid of him for ages, but the idiot two seats to my left is an old jackass, and
we needed a unanimous vote.”
Allen stared, confused. “Er, who are you?”
“I can’t give you my name—sorry, Allen—but know that I’m the one in the
middle.”
“The… middle?”
Understanding seemed to hit Lenalee first, and Allen figured it out a second
too late to stop Lenalee from harshly slapping the Grand Marshall in front of
them.
“Why did you do that to Lavi, you bastard?” She hissed, and Allen had to force
back a surge of affection for the girl in front of him. He grabbed her in a hug
from behind, pinning her arms to her sides before she could do anymore damage.
She struggled a bit.
“Stop it, Lenalee,” he murmured in her ear.
The Grand Marshall looked stunned, his mouth hanging open and a hand resting
lightly on his reddening cheek. “I suppose I deserved that,” he said after a
moment. “But for what it’s worth, I’m really sorry. We had to follow protocol.
Honestly, I didn’t want to punish him at all, but he pled insanity a bit too
convincingly, and we couldn’t just let him go without any… repercussions…
because otherwise the Pope would be complaining up our asses.” He rolled his
eyes, looking aggrieved.
“Eh?” Allen asked, blinking. Lenalee had gone limp in his arms, giving up her
fight to get free.
There was a beeping noise, and the man took a gadget out from his back pocket.
Allen had learned that this was a cell phone.
“Sorry, Generals,” he said to them. “Yes? Er, yes, that’s me… WHAT! Already?
Oh, shit! I’ll be there right away. Thanks, Gerald.” He snapped it closed and
turned his gaze once again to them.
“What’s wrong?” Allen asked. The man had a dumbfounded expression on his face.
“My wife is giving birth right now. I’ve gotta go.” The man turned on his heel
and started to run off.
“Wait!” Lenalee shouted after him, and he paused, turning.
“Yeah?”
“You can see your families?” She asked, her question almost desperate. Allen
could hear tears forming in her voice, and he wanted to take away the pain that
was making itself evident in her actions.
“Of course. Couldn’t you?” The Grand Marshall asked.
“No,” Lenalee said, sounding defeated. The Grand Marshall nodded in their
direction and made to take off again. He stopped after a moment. “Oh, and the
new Director wants to see all the Exorcists!” This time, he didn’t stop as he
sprinted off, glancing at his watch every few seconds as if that would make
time slow down.
Allen held Lenalee until she stood on her own power again. She turned to him
and wrapped her arms tightly around his middle. “It’s so unfair,” she
whispered, and Allen ran his hand over the back of her head, petting her hair
lightly.
“I know,” he murmured back, pulling her closer. “But life is never fair.
Exorcists know it better than anyone else.”
“I don’t know what I’d do without you, Allen,” Lenalee said against his chest.
“Me too.”
---
“Shall we see if they’re okay, then?” Allen said after an interminable length
of time. Lenalee nodded, and they made their way to Kanda’s room.
He knocked hard. “Kanda, Lavi, we’ve got a meeting in the Director’s office,”
he said. The door opened a minute later, and the four of them walked together
to see the new Director. Out of respect, Allen knocked on the door, as he
didn’t know what kind of person this new Director would be.
“Enter,” came a firm, solid voice, and Allen opened the door.
“Ah, you must be Allen Walker, Lenalee Lee, Kanda Yuu, and Lavi—er, do you have
a last name?”
“No.” Lavi’s voice was stiff, resolute.
“I had to ask, because the other Director was grossly incompetent in his
records.”
“Would you like some help?” Lavi offered.
“Uh, I think if you just filled these out, I’d be fine with that,” the Director
said, handing them each a large packet of papers. Allen gaped at it. The pages
included everything from name to complete medical history to familial status.
Grudgingly, he took an offered pen and began to fill it out. Next to him, Lavi
scribbled furiously on his own, finishing the entire thing by the time Allen
had finished the first page.
“Ne,Yuu, lemme finish yours,” Lavi said, and Allen heard the small rustle of
their struggle over the packet. A minute later, Lavi placed the two completed
packets on the desk and walked back.
“You disgust me, rabbit,” Kanda said as Lavi sat back down.
“Shut up, you know you love me,” Lavi quipped.
“Che.”
Allen grinned. The interaction was so inexplicably normal that it almost felt
like Komui would be walking in at any moment. Despite the fact that he was in
love with the crazy man's sister, he still had enormous respect for the man,
and he missed him nearly as much as Lenalee did.
He didn’t even realize when Lavi pulled his packet from beneath his fingers,
and he sat back, relieved, as the redhead finished both his and Lenalee’s,
setting them on the desk when he was done.
“I told you I could help you,” Lavi said lightly.
“How did you do that so fast? And why is the handwriting amazing?” The new
Director asked, his mouth open in shock.
“I used to be a Bookman,” Lavi said, as if that explained it all. But then,
Allen supposed, it did.
“Well, anyway, now that we’ve got that over with, let’s continue the meeting.”
“Wait,” Lenalee said, suddenly. “Where’s Miranda? And everyone else?”
“I’ve already met with them. We talked earlier this morning. You four were
still asleep, though, so I waited. The only Exorcists I haven’t seen yet are
Amanda Colten and Darcy O’Connell.”
Allen laughed. “You won’t see them until at least mid-afternoon,” he chuckled.
Sobering, he asked, “I don’t think we’ve heard your name…?”
“Ah,” the man blushed slightly in embarrassment. “I’m Lieutenant General Carter
A. Williams of the United States Army,” he said, giving them a small, two-
fingered salute.
“The army?” Lenalee asked in wonder.
“Ah, I realize you’re not aware of the current situation,” the Lieutenant
General began. Allen shot him a mystified look. “This has to do with the new
assignment I’m about to give to the four of you—oh, actually, the three of you.
And perhaps I’ll let Amanda go as well—she deserves to see her family again.
It’s been years since she was last on leave.”
Lenalee tensed, and Allen moved closer to her, placing a bracing hand on her
shoulder.
“With the current rise in Akuma sightings and incidents these past few years,
the governments of the world have decided to step in and provide aid to the
Order. I am the first person to be sent from the United States, as until
recently, our forces were split between Afghanistan and Iraq.”
“Wait,” Lavi said quickly. “Amanda told me America was out of Iraq in 2009.”
“Last year, the Akuma began to rise there, and as the countries were already
unstable, President Obama reluctantly had a small force return, but it soon
escalated out of control, and I rue the day Bush was in office.” The Lieutenant
General grimaced and Lavi snickered, but Allen had no idea what the man was
referring to. “Your mission is to meet with the President and his Cabinet as
well as the CIA and the military in order to help decide where to concentrate
the forces in the upcoming battles. Though we have no Innocence, there are
weapons we have developed that can rip through Level One Akuma. Most
importantly, you’ll be meeting with the United Nations.”
“Who are you sending?” Allen asked, going into what he thought of as his
General Mode.
“You, of course, General Walker, and I’d like Kanda Yuu to go with you—if you
are feeling up to it?”
Kanda nodded sharply, though Allen saw Lavi look slightly disappointed.
“I’d also like the presence of another General, and since there will be a large
crowd upon your arrival, I’d like to send Tuan Chu. Miranda, Amanda, and
Artemis all have skills that would be useful in this situation, and General
Lee, your Dark Boots could prove invaluable. I would have liked to send Lavi as
well, just as a backup, but he has a psych referral to deal with.”
Lavi looked angry, and Allen sent him an apologetic look. Lavi nodded in thanks
back to him, and Allen turned back to the Lieutenant General.
“Alright. That sounds like a good group. I’d like to see them all before we
leave. Er, when do we leave?”
The Lieutenant General laughed. “You’ll be on a plane as soon as you’re all
packed and ready. Take street clothes for the plane ride—it’s a good six or
seven hours, and then you’ve got a connection to catch. We don’t want Akuma
attacking you in the air. It would be too big a blow. In a way, I think air
travel is the worst way for you to go, but we don’t have enough time for
anything else.” The new Director hit his desk to emphasize “time,” and he
looked frustrated at their situation.
“I don’t suppose we could go two to a plane?” Allen wondered, but the
Lieutenant General shook his head forlornly.
“Believe it or not, the Vatican’s decided to cut back on funding, and due to
several lawsuits, we now have to pay travel expenses.” The man grimaced.
“Stupid Bureaucrats,” he muttered angrily. “Well, you might as well get ready.”
Allen nodded and led the way out, Lenalee at his side.
---
August 23, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lavi stared forlornly at his sun as he walked over to stand with Allen and the
rest. Yuu turned around and, catching sight of Lavi, shot him a soulful look in
return. Lavi didn’t know how to interpret it. Unable to stand just watching, he
ran over.
“What?” Yuu asked angrily.
“Just came to say good-bye,” he said sadly. If he had had rabbit ears, they
would have been drooping.
“Didn’t you just do that?” Yuu asked shortly, but he didn’t look particularly
upset that Lavi had reappeared in front of him.
“Yeah, but… I’m gonna miss you, y’know?” He said, blushing at his awkward
admission. Something relaxed in Yuu’s rigid face. It was just slight enough
that only Lavi noticed.
“Remember what I said about the therapy,” his sun said, not making eye contact.
Lavi was suddenly struck with how adorable Yuu’s social awkwardness was. He
quickly closed the distance between them, grabbing the other man’s face and
pulling him into a full-on, open-mouthed kiss. In front of everyone.
Yuu balked, but then he relaxed, and his arms wrapped around Lavi’s. He went
rigid again when he heard Allen’s shocked exclamation, and he pulled back
slowly. “I will, too,” he whispered as he stepped back. Lavi nodded, knowing
what the man meant.
“Be careful—don’t kill anyone!” He shouted, waving as the group departed.
Amanda was patting Yuu on the back and Lenalee had a scandalized look on her
face. Lavi smiled proudly. He had done well.
Whistling a mournful tune, he returned to his room, which suddenly felt very
empty. He pouted a little and grabbed some books from his extensive piles,
heading over to Yuu’s room. It smelled clean and crisp with just the subtlest
hints of lotuses and cinnamon, just like the man himself. He sat gingerly on
the bed and waited until his first appointment at two o’clock. He was not
looking forward to it.
To pass the time, he read several books, but he found that he wasn’t enjoying
them as much as he would have if his sun had been there. He sighed. Lavi didn’t
think he would be able to survive the next week and a half. But he’d have to.
He wasn’t a girl, first of all, and second of all, he had Yuu’s return to look
forward to, and that was enough to keep him going, right?
---
August 24, 2013—The White House
The Infernal Girl was practically glowing. Every time she looked at Yuu, she
got this knowing smile on her face, and she kept touching him, patting him on
the back. He flinched from every touch, but she didn’t seem to care much. He
itched to cut off her hands, but that would be potentially dangerous in front
of so many important people.
Today they were visiting the President of the damned United States of America.
The nation that had bombed his country, or so he’d heard from Amanda. He didn’t
particularly care that his people had probably deserved it—it was the principle
of the thing.
“Hey, Yuu-pyon!” The idiot girl said, “you look tired!”
“And why do you think that is?” He hissed menacingly.
“Awww, did Yuu-pyon have a nightmare?” The Infernal Girl teased. A vein in
Yuu’s forehead twitched.
“And if I did?” He bit out, voice colder than frozen mercury. To his immense
displeasure, the girl threw her arms around him in a Lavi-ish fashion. Only it
didn’t feel good, and Yuu shuddered at the contact.
“C’mon, Yuu-pyon, you can tell me!” She shouted, squeezing him. Yuu went very,
very rigid.
“Don’t you have your boy-toy to annoy?” He ground out through gritted teeth.
Amanda froze. “He’s in Ireland right now. He called me last night, saying that
he was visiting his sister. Apparently, she was raped and is pregnant with her
rapist’s child.”
Yuu threw the Infernal Girl away from him. “That girl knows nothing of abuse,”
he hissed, stalking off.
The formerly roaring table of Exorcists was silent. But before he could leave
the room, the music starting playing. Abruptly, everyone—including Yuu—gazed at
Moyashi, who had gone quite tense. Lenalee was trying to pat him on the arm,
but he kept sliding away from her touch.
Several dark-suited men walked in the room, followed by a great many
politicians and a black man who looked completely at home in the dining room of
the White House. Allen stood upon their entrance, and the other Exorcists
followed suit.
“It is a great honor to meet you all,” the black man said. Yuu stared openly.
This man was obviously in a position of power, but Yuu didn’t know the
Americans were capable of politeness.
“Likewise,” Moyashi said, though he walked very stiffly up to shake hands with
the man who Yuu assumed was the stupid nation’s President. One of the suited
men walked in front of Allen.
“It’s just a precaution, but we need your weapon,” he said in a deep voice.
“Well, okay, if you insist,” Moyashisaid, grimacing nervously. Yuu saw the
green glow of Innocence activating as the white-haired bean sprout pulled his
arm off, forming his overlarge sword. There was a collective gasp of
astonishment, and the suited men twitched uncomfortably.
“So this is Innocence,” the President said in wonder. “May I touch it?” He
asked Moyashi.
“Er, be my guest, sir,” Allen said, offering up his sword. The President took
it in his hands and stooped at the weight.
“It’s heavy,” he muttered, surprised.
“Innocence is a heavy burden to bear, Mr. President,” General Chu said from
behind Yuu.
The President nodded and handed Allen his sword back. “Thank you, Mr.…?”
“I’m General Allen Walker,” Allen said, returning his sword to his left arm and
shaking the President’s hand with his right. Yuu saw the President’s eyes go
wide for a moment, but he otherwise hid his shock rather well. The President
circled around the room, shaking first Miranda’s hand, then Artemis’s and
General Chu’s. When he got to Amanda, the idiot girl pulled on his hand and
grabbed him in a bear hug, lifting him from the ground.
“It’s so cool to meet you, Mr. President!” She exclaimed, an idiotic grin
spreading too wide on her face. The President made a small choking noise.
Amanda blushed. “Sorry, Mr. President,” she added sheepishly, putting the
powerful man down and patting at his shoulders.
“That’s quite alright,” he said diplomatically, chuckling lightly under his
breath.
“If I was old enough, I woulda voted for ya!” She shot him the thumb’s up.
“Thank you.” He moved toward Yuu, extending his hand.
Yuu couldn’t quite control the shaking as he gripped the other man’s hand—he
would have preferred bowing, but they were not in Japan—and he pulled his own
hand back to his body the second it was polite to do so, holding it as if it
had been burned. He tried to return his breathing to normal, and he hoped no
one had noticed. He was very glad this was a private affair. No fucking media
to deal with, like there had been when they’d arrived. The President looked a
bit concerned, but he moved on to Lenalee, whom he met with a smile.
“What was that, Kanda?” Moyashi whispered deviously in his ear. “You’re not
thinking of cheating on Lavi, are you?” He cackled softly. Yuu punched him,
sending the stupid sprout—who, goddamn it, was taller than him now—sprawling to
the ground. The entire room turned to look, but Allen recovered quickly enough
that he was in his chair before the President began to speak.
“Well, this is indeed odd company we keep here,” he commented, smiling.
They all sat down to lunch, and though the politician side of the table
remained very quiet and subdued, the Exorcist side was almost roaring with
laughter and cheer. Yuu couldn’t bring himself to join in, but he didn’t mind
the noise for once. He sat stiffly in his chair, eating awkwardly with the
stupid western tableware—he wished he had paid more attention to Tiedoll’s
lessons. The food wasn’t horrible, but he felt it was too heavy, too laden with
grease, fat, and oils. He glanced at the rest, and though Lenalee and Artemis
seemed to be having the same troubles, the other Exorcists seemed fine. Not
that he cared.
A female politician spoke up as Allen tossed food at the Infernal Girl. “It’s
amazing how cheerful you all are. I would’ve thought, what with all the
fighting…” She trailed off, leaving the rest unsaid. The room was now silent,
and Yuu wanted to at least make her lose an appendage. An arm wouldn’t be bad,
they were expendable.
“It’s how we stay sane,” Amanda said in a haunted tone, staring down at her
food. Yuu suddenly felt a tiny inkling of respect for the girl. She seemed to
have a serious side as well. Perhaps she was just like “Lavi,” hiding her
serious side to make others happy.
“That’s why we need to end this war,” the President said after a moment. “I was
shocked by how young you all are, and you’ve all been fighting for years.”
There was much nervous clearing of throats as politicians and Exorcists alike
tried to restore the previous cheerful mood of the table. Yuu felt like he was
suffocating. Everything was too much, and Lavi wasn’t there to crack a joke,
take his mind off of things he didn’t want to think about…
Like his father. Yuu shuddered, barely keeping the memories at bay. He would
see Lavi in less than two weeks. He could last until then.
The President looked on in amazement as Allen stuffed plate after plate of food
into his obscenely large gorge. Yuu stayed above the conversation as always,
grunting only when people spoke to him. As they finished up, they began
exchanging the pleasantries for the situation, and the President stood up,
shaking hands all around. As the group disbanded, Yuu walked over to the young
black man.
“Excuse me,” he muttered quietly, coming up next to him. The President turned
to face him.
“Yes?” He asked, seeming surprised.
“I… apologize… for my shaking earlier. It is hard for me to be trusting of
anyone,” Yuu said haltingly, extending his hand once more. This time,
thankfully, it wasn’t shaking. The President shook it with an open face and a
smile.
“I understand completely,” the President said. He nodded gravely and walked
off. Yuu felt slightly better, as if a nagging bug by his ear had finally died.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: Sorry for the short/crappy chappy. The next one includes more
     plot movements. Plus, action! It was going to include lurves, too,
     but it got too long. We got wrapped up in battle scenes. Again.
      
***** Many Meetings *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_14—Many_Meetings
August 24, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
He didn’t really understand how or why, but for some reason, the leather couch
was surprisingly comfortable. It was a stereotypical deep burgundy, but it
smelled as if nearly everyone’s ass had touched it. Lavi grimaced. In such an
organization, it wasn’t surprising that many people took to the psychiatrist.
Not that he wanted to be here, but he was under strict orders that even he
couldn’t bypass. If he was still a Bookman, he might have been able to get out
of it, but the fact was that he no longer had that status. He was an
ordinary—well, slightly extraordinary, as he was an Exorcist—human being now.
The psychiatrist walked into the room, carrying a chart and frowning down at
it. He wore the quintessential round glasses of a mental health professional, a
tweed sport coat, and khaki pants. His receding hairline, large ears, and
moustache-beard combo made Lavi yelp and shrink back into the couch.
“You’re Freud!” He shouted, pointing at the psychiatrist. He wasn’t sure if he
was acting or not, but fear pooled in his stomach, regardless.
“No, I’m Larry,” the psychiatrist said flatly, obviously unamused.
“Oh, sorry Larry—are you sure that’s your name?” Lavi asked, scratching his
head.
“I could ask you the same question,” the doctor responded.
“I chose Lavi because my sun calls me Lavi. If you are referring to my real
name, I’ve long since forgotten it.” He felt his face shut down into the
practiced mask of a Bookman. Larry looked shocked at the sudden change in his
patient, and he scribbled something on the chart.
“So, you seem to have some pretty unique Innocence,” he commented, gesturing at
a folder on his desk. Lavi looked over at it, somewhat interested, and then
gazed back at the man.
“Yes, I rather enjoy Oodzuchi’s company,” he remarked offhandedly.
“Er, it says here that your Innocence is named Tettsui.”
“But—but, I don’t like that name, and it lets me call it Oodzuchi Kodzuchi
instead.”
The Freud-esque man lifted a bushy, gray eyebrow pensively. “I was looking at
your x-rays just now, and I noticed something unusual that I thought you’d like
to know. It appears that all the metal in your hands has… eh, disappeared. It’s
all bone now.”
“Yeah, and it feels a load better. The metal was too clunky, and it limited my
movement. I assume Oodzuchi changed it back for me. I’ll have to thank him
later,” Lavi said, still doing his best to sound nonchalant.
“Well, I suppose we should get down to business, then,” the psychiatrist said,
sitting down in a high-backed chair. He adjusted his glasses and lifted what
Lavi assumed to be his chart closer to his eyes for further inspection. “I have
a feeling you’re not going to be very cooperative with me.”
“Well, that depends, doc, do you want the textbook answers or the real ones?”
Lavi questioned, gazing disinterestedly at his right fingernails. He enjoyed
how the green streaks looked against his skin, and he realized something
horrifying. Over the past few weeks, he had not been paying as much attention
to his surroundings, and he immediately sought to fix that. Bookman or not, he
still had the training, and he didn’t think he’d be able to live without it,
even if he was more relaxed without his Bookmanly duties.
“I would prefer the real ones, if you don’t mind,” Larry said.
“Well, see, there’s the problem, doc. I don’t wanna,” Lavi replied, giving the
room a practiced sweep. He took everything in—the lamp and its coffee-stained
shade that was tilted just a centimeter to the left, the desk that had a full
deck of cards underneath it in an attempt to keep it balanced (though Lavi
noticed that it now sloped just slightly), the horrific green carpet that had
mysterious brown stains near Larry’s chair, the three large shelves filled with
thick psychological tomes that Lavi wanted to read immediately, and a plethora
of other things down to the minute details that everyone ignored. A second
later, he stared at the psychiatrist and grimaced in distaste.
“You’ve got a strangely-shaped mole on your left arm—you may want to get that
checked out,” he said. “It looks oddly like the beginnings of skin cancer.”
The doctor looked taken aback. After a moment of abashed silence, the doctor
took in a breath. “I’d like to try something with you,” he said, taking a
pocket watch from inside his ugly tweed sport jacket. Lavi saw it glint off the
industrial lights above.
“Aw, not this trick, Larry!” He complained.
“Just give it a try,” Larry said bracingly, and to Lavi, it sounded like he was
convincing himself that yes, he did have to work with an impudent brat like his
current patient.
“Well, I did always want to try everything at least once,” Lavi said,
shrugging. He doubted that he would even allow himself to be hypnotized, but on
the off-chance that it did happen, he wanted to know what it would feel like.
He lay back on the putrid-smelling couch and immediately regretted it. Still,
he closed his eyes and tried to relax. “Do your best, doc,” he said, grimacing,
more against the smell than the actual situation.
“Okay, then. Lavi, take a deep breath—” Lavi breathed in slowly, waiting for
the next instruction. “—and as you let it out, begin to feel yourself
relaxing…” Lavi complied. Larry’s voice had gone soft, almost gentle, and Lavi
found it very useful as the man had him relax each body part slowly. After
maybe ten minutes and three seconds, Lavi felt relaxed, and for some reason,
the Freud-esque man’s voice had become very soothing.
“Now, Lavi, tell me your age.”
He felt very relaxed and focused. If this was hypnotism, he figured he ought to
do it more often. He didn’t even need to scan his mind to come up with the
answer. The many people who were not real never had the same birthday, but he
always remembered that the tenth of August was his true date of birth. He
thought it somewhat ironic that his last alias had used it as well.
“I am one hundred and thirty-six years of age,” he replied, his voice blank and
concise, as if he was reporting to Bookman.
“On what day were you born?”
“I was born on August tenth of the year eighteen sixty-eight.”
“When did you become a Bookman?”
“This is the only date I don’t know exactly, as my Forgetting took place over
the course of a week. According to Bookman, I was in a trance for nearly a
month afterward. I do not know the official day I became a Bookman, because I
have forgotten it.”
“Could you try to remember for me?”
“Things in the past should be left there, especially things that want to be
forgotten. You see, when an apprentice is taken on, he has the option of
forgetting his past. I took that option, so, obviously, it was a past worth
forgetting. I have no desire to remember it.”
“I believe it would be good for you to—”
“No.”
And the relaxation was gone. Lavi threw his eyes open and sat up, walking
briskly from the room and slamming the heavy wooden door behind him.
---
Yuu’s bed was warm and comfortable with its cinnamony blue sheets. Lavi lay
comfortably in it, relaxing each body part in turn. He had been impressed with
the concentration force that had come with hypnosis, and he wanted it to
return. Maybe he could use it as a way to absorb more information. He wistfully
fantasized of telling Bookman about the possibilities of this procedure as he
relaxed himself further. After a good while—approximately twenty-three minutes
and forty-one seconds—Lavi finally felt himself drift into a similar state to
the one he’d been in that afternoon. He let his mind wander as much as possible
and found himself pondering his past. The one thing he wanted to remember, even
if that was all he remembered, was his name. He desperately wanted to know his
name—it was the only thing Bookman had ever withheld from him, telling him it
could possibly trigger the other memories. Lavi didn’t care, though. He wanted,
needed, to know his name.
The answer swam lazily through his head, somewhere in the middle of the square
the four corners of his mind made.
Liam. His name had been Liam.
He didn’t need to know more, but for some reason, his hypnotized mind delved
deeper. Liam Flynn, son of Riley Flynn and his wife, Lisette Bonnet. They were
not abusive parents, but they were poor and desperate. They rarely had time for
their son, and they rarely wanted to. Unbidden, Lavi was sucked into a memory
that Bookman’s needles had driven from his mind.
The stranger walked up to the house, and though he looked old and was very,
very short, Liam cowered behind his mother’s threadbare skirts. The stranger
swayed, his tall hair wobbling precariously at the top of his head, and he fell
just as he reached the edge of the small Flynn property. His mother grabbed up
her skirts and ran over to the man, her long, graying blonde hair flowing
behind her. The man groaned as she poked him, checking for signs of life.
Liam followed more slowly, observing the stranger just as he did everything
else. The world was so interesting, with an infinite amount of information just
waiting to be discovered, and Liam felt that he could discover it if he only
looked long enough. The stranger made a low sound and tried to stand up. Liam’s
mother pulled the man up and supported him as she took him into their house.
Liam followed again. For some reason, this stranger was more interesting than
any other. He carried a scroll of some sort, and Liam thought he saw needles
poking out of one section. The man looked distinctly Asian and rather wizened.
He carried himself with a straight dignity, though, one that was unbefitting of
the peasant’s outfit he wore.
The man smiled and thanked his mother with a strange accent as she placed a
bowl of steaming potato soup in front of him. He ate slowly and with class.
Judging the man as nonthreatening, he went into the corner with the small pile
of books that he called his own. Something glinted in the light that filtered
through the window, and he saw the unmistakable edge of a small knife. His
mother walked past him, patting him on the head, and he tugged subtly on her
skirts. She leaned down, and he muttered, “he’s got a knife, be careful,”
before holing up in his corner with his father’s copy ofPlato’s Republic.It was
a tough read, but Liam found himself understanding most of it.
After a while, the man made a movement, and Liam looked up over the top of his
book to see him taking a goose feather from his mother. The stranger pulled the
knife from his pocket and proceeded to cut it into a finely-shaped quill. Liam
found himself entranced at each of the man’s skillful cuts, and when the quill
was finished, it looked almost perfect, like one from a high-ranking craftsman.
The man caught his eye, and Liam looked back down at the book, continuing on
with the page he was reading. Within seconds, he was turning the page again.
It was the footsteps that first indicated to him that the man was walking
toward him. Liam frowned slightly. He hadn’t heard the chair scrape across the
wooden floor. Still, he knew the man was in front of him, and when he looked
up, he was rewarded with a smile from their wrinkled old visitor. This close,
Liam thought he looked rather like a panda, as both his eyes were painted black
with something Liam had never seen before. The smell of something peppery
wafted toward him, and Liam wrinkled his nose against its sheer strength. It
wasn’t unpleasant, merely strong.
“Is there anything you’d like?” He asked the stranger politely. The man cracked
a light grin.
“That’s quite a big book you’re reading,” the man commented.
“Size has nothing to do with contents,” Liam replied almost coldly.
“May I see it?” The man asked, and Liam shrugged, handing it to the stranger.
The old man made a strange noise, something similar to a cluck, as he looked at
the book.
“It’s nothing particularly special,” Liam said, shrugging again. “If you can’t
read it, I can recite it for you.” He knew most people weren’t literate, and as
this man was most definitely Asian, he probably couldn’t read English well,
even if he could speak it.
“Can you now?” The man asked archly. Liam nodded and repeated, word-for-word,
the last two pages he’d read. With each sentence, the man’s face grew more and
more interested. When Liam finished, the man cleared his throat. “And did you
actually understand a word of that?” He questioned. Liam repressed the urge to
scoff. If he could repeat it, of course he could understand it. Sighing softly,
he explained to the man exactly what Plato had meant.
The man’s eyebrows went so high up that his strange black eye coloring cracked.
He made ahmmm-ing noise and turned to Liam’s mother.
“Your boy is very smart, ma’am,” he remarked. Liam’s mother blushed.
“Yes,monsieur, my little Liam sees and remembers everything. His father and I
are so proud of him. We hope that one day, we can get him some proper
schooling.”
“I am Bookman, my dear lady, and I believe your son may be what I’m looking
for,” he said. His mother looked at him with a questioning expression.
“That is a strange name,” she commented.
“It is a title. Bookmen must give up their names in order to be completely
objective. We record the secret histories of this Earth. It takes a very
intelligent, observant person to become a Bookman, and I believe your son has
the potential to become one.”
“Well, I’m afraid his father wants him to continue working on our farm,” his
mother said, looking abashed.
They talked for a while, and Bookman tried to get Liam’s mother to consider the
idea, though she would not budge. At one thirty, his father walked into the
room, just as he always did.
“Lisette,” he said gently, despite his heavy walk. Liam’s mother immediately
got up and dished him out a bowl of soup.
“Here you are, darling,” she said, placing the bowl in front of him and handing
him a large spoon. She sat down next to her husband and gestured for Liam to
join them as well. Liam poured himself and his mother a bowl each and sat
quietly at the table. Bookman sat next to him, and Liam felt the man’s eyes on
him the entire time, watching him eat, watching him watch his parents
speculatively. It was an eerie sensation, but Liam couldn’t make himself hate
it. It was interesting having someone pay such close attention to him. It was
more attention than his parents could ever afford him, and even though it was
some creepy old man, he enjoyed it nonetheless. As his parents chatted away
about crops and such, Liam turned to the stranger.
“What do Bookmen really do?” He asked in a hushed tone, as if talking with the
man at all was a sin.
“Just as I told you. We discover and record things that others don’t. Our sole
purpose is to write the histories no one else will write. We report facts. We
are unbiased,” Bookman replied, also speaking softly.
Intrigued, Liam commented, “I love history. It’s more interesting than Plato.
It would be really neat to be there, watching it unfold.”
The man hummed lightly and smiled down at him. “I think you have the mind to be
a Bookman, and you definitely seem to have the drive and curiosity. You notice
things others don’t, am I right?”
Liam nodded, but his movement triggered his father’s attention, and the
Irishman looked over.
“Lisette said you’re a Bookman,” he stated, and the stranger nodded. “She said
you want our son to join you.”
The stranger nodded again. “Liam seems to have certain traits that I look for
in apprentices. I have been looking for a good many years, though I have been
searching more actively lately, as I am getting on in years. It is very
important I have an apprentice, and I believe Liam would be perfect.”
His father nodded grimly but remained resolved. “Liam is our only son. I need
his help on the farm to harvest crops. We’ll lose it if I don’t have his help.”
“If you are looking for monetary compensation, I am happy to oblige,” Bookman
bartered, taking a clinking bag from somewhere inside his large cloak. His
father looked interested immediately, and Liam felt an arrow of rejection rip
through his heart.
“How much do you think my son is worth?” His father asked.
Bookman dumped the bag of coins on the table, and both his parents gaped at the
sum.
“We could hire someone to help tend to the farm for a few years—we could have
another child,” he said thoughtfully. His mother looked a bit scandalized, but
Liam had seen how wide her eyes had gone at the sight of the money. He knew she
would cave, just like his father had already.
“Riley…” His mother said, but she looked back at the money, and Liam knew he
was being sold.
“And you say he’ll have a proper education? He’ll be properly taken care of?
You’ll never abandon him anywhere?” His father asked. Bookman nodded gravely,
and the money was passed.
Bookman stayed for many weeks as his parents judged his character. Liam, too,
judged the man, and the longer he was around him, the longer Liam felt a
strange companionship. He couldn’t really put a finger on it, but he simply
feltunderstoodwhen he was with Bookman, and the man was able to challenge him
in ways that no one had been able to before.
Lavi sighed as the memory finished. In the next town, Bookman had sat down in
their shared room at the inn and asked Liam if he had wanted to forget. Liam
had nodded, had said yes, and Bookman had obliged. The hypnosis shattered
again, and Lavi found himself curled tightly into himself in Yuu’s soft yet
firm bed.
---
August 25, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Green met weary gray in a glare so strong that the other man flinched from it.
Lavi was back in the counseling room on the couch that still smelled of ass.
Lavi found himself gagging lightly at the smell, but he ignored it, folding his
arms in indignation.
“Shall we begin, then?” Larry said after clearing his throat. Lavi narrowed his
eye further.
“I am not doing that again,” he said coldly with a rock-hard undertone. Larry
raised one of his bushy eyebrows.
“Really? I thought we made some significant headway yesterday,” the
psychiatrist said lightly. Lavi made a noise that sounded dangerously like a
hiss.
“You made me dream about who I used to be. It’s not pleasant to remember that
your father was looked down upon for marrying a Frenchwoman, that you came from
a poor family, and that no one understood you because you were too intelligent.
It wasn’t pleasant to remember that my parents sold me to Bookman.”
“And how do you feel about that?” Larry asked gently. Lavi’s vision tinted red
for a moment.
“How do you think I feel about that, asshole? I already fucking told you, it
wasn’t pleasant.” Anger gnawed at Lavi’s psyche like nails on a chalkboard, and
he had to force himself to take a deep breath and hold himself still.
“Care to elaborate?” Larry asked, still doing that infuriating soothing voice.
“No,” Lavi spat. The doctor backed down, obviously realizing that it wasn’t the
time to push the topic. Not that it ever would be. “So, as you can see, doc,
I’m perfectly sane, so you can fucking let me go now.”
Larry shook his head, and Lavi felt his hands curl into hard fists.
“How about we do something different, Lavi?” The doctor asked bracingly. After
a tense moment of silence, Lavi decided he was stuck in the position of a
patient and gave in.
“What is it?” He asked resignedly.
“I want to do a bit of word association—”
“Must we do Freudian things? He was an old kook who endorsed cocaine as a
miracle drug, had a tiny wiener, and thought his mother was sexy,” Lavi
complained.
“Yes, because despite all that, Freud had a very good theory of the mind. For
you especially, I believe the iceberg theory of the unconscious and conscious
minds is very applicable.”
“Are you saying my mind is an iceberg?” Lavi asked incredulously, throwing his
fisted hands onto the leather surface of the couch and supporting himself on
them.
“Yes.” This man had no idea what he was talking about.
“Well, it’s not. My mind is a square,” Lavi said, getting up to leave. The
psychiatrist caught his arm as he passed the man’s chair, and Lavi was forced
to stop.
“A square?” He asked, using his other hand to stroke his beard thoughtfully.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because there’s four corners, now let go.”
The man obliged, but he remained staring at Lavi and eventually gestured for
him to sit again. Not knowing why, Lavi sat again, waiting for the man to
speak.
“Tell me about these corners,” the man said in that damned soothing voice that
grated at Lavi’s nerves, working in tandem with the nails and chalkboards.
“I don’t think I will, it’s too far at the bottom of my iceberg,” Lavi quipped.
Larry sighed in frustration, bringing a hand to his forehead, kneading it
gently.
“Well, then, we’ll have to dig deep.”
“Do your best, mind-surgeon.”
“Alright—I want you to tell me the first word that comes to mind after each
word I say.” Lavi rolled his eye. He had this one in the bag.
“Home,” the psychiatrist intoned, and it began.
“Sun,” Lavi replied promptly.
“Breakfast.”
“Sun.”
“Book.”
“Man.”
“War.”
“Bookman.”
“Love.”
“Sun.”
The psychiatrist sighed heavily, squeezing his eyes shut in frustration. “Okay,
sun.”
“Cinnamon!” Lavi exclaimed with a bright smile.
“Moon—”
“—ing for my sun.”
Larry shot him a strange look and cleared his throat. He continued on, and
Lavi’s answers gradually became more varied as the prompting words became more
obscure. After nearly fifteen minutes, Lavi felt himself becoming bored.
“Butter.”
“Voice—I’m bored, can we stop now?” Lavi asked desperately. It distressed him
how many times he had thought of Yuu.
“I’m very interested in your choice of answers. You know, for over half, you
answered either ‘sun’ or ‘Bookman.’ Do you have any idea why?” The psychiatrist
did his trademark eyebrow raise, and Lavi began to seethe.
“Yes, I do. You spend most of your life as a Bookman, allowing yourself no
other identity or thought process, and see if you don’t think mostly of that.
And my sun is very special to me. Sometimes, I think my sun is the only thing
that keeps me sane,” Lavi said matter-of-factly before half-walking, half-
racing to the door. He was out before Larry could say another word.
---
August 26, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lavi decided he didn’t like therapy. Not only did he now remember who he had
been, but he was having… nightmares. Lavi shuddered. He’d already lived through
more war than he’d cared to remember, and now he was recalling it in
excruciating detail. Throughout it all, a dark presence at the back of his mind
was pulling at him. Lavi hoped the presence was trying to get rid of all the
memories, because Lavi wasn’t sure how much more of them he could take.
Especially with Yuu away in fucking America.
He sighed and flopped back onto Yuu’s pillow. It no longer smelled of the man,
but Lavi knew all he had to do was change the sheets. Even washed sheets would
smell a bit of his… what did he call Yuu? Lover? But that wasn’t right—Yuu
cared for him, probably a lot more than he knew himself, but it would be
impossible for Yuu to actually love him. No one had, after all.
ButIlove you… Said a small voice in Lavi’s head. It sounded familiar, and its
accent was decidedly Irish, though something was off.
What? Lavi asked himself dumbly. His mind had probably made that up to make him
feel better.
Oh, shit. You 'eard me? The voice said again, sounding panicked. Lavi’s heart
skipped a beat.
Wait, I’m actually crazy? There’re voices in my head now? He though, panicking
himself.
No—no, no, no. You’re not crazy, I’m your conscience. And, er, I love you
because we’re a narcissist. Right?
Lavi gave himself a questioning look and then realized how futile the effort
was. Sighing, he gave up the whole voices-in-head issue as a bad job and
flopped back onto the pillow. At some point, he had sat bolt upright, and he
had no idea when that had been. For some reason, that thought disturbed him,
but he ignored it and tried to push himself into a dreamless sleep.
He failed. He couldn’t sleep no matter how hard he tried, and he ended up in a
stupor of sorts, remembering visions of little children being burned alive in
their homes.
There was a knock on the door, and someone entered. Lavi finally managed to pry
his eye open, and his stomach dropped as he noted who had just come in. He
hastily reached for his eye patch and replaced it over his right eye as the
doctor took a good look at him. He felt the bed shift as the man sat down.
“You do know you’re in the wrong room, right?” Larry questioned, and Lavi
scoffed.
“I’m right where I want to be, doc, so can you leave me alone?” Lavi said,
turning his head into the pillow but leaving his good eye cracked open, staring
at the doctor.
“You missed our appointment,” the psychiatrist stated. Lavi grunted.
“That’s what happens when you skip things,” he growled. There was no point in
feigning politeness with this man. He didn’t deserve it, not after that
hypnosis trick.
“So I decided to bring the appointment to you.”
“No, thank you, Larry,” Lavi said, though his voice was heavily muffled as he
talked through the pillow.
“I don’t remember giving you a choice on the matter,” Larry said delicately,
examining his hands closely. “I was given your case so you could be evaluated.”
“You’re not evaluating me, you’re trying to heal me when I’m already as healed
as I’m gonna get,” Lavi said, his voice growing tight with anger.
“Well, it was my professional opinion that you are not well and need therapy. I
know this may sound harsh and may be a blow to your ego, but you need help,
Lavi, and I’m here to give it to you.”
Lavi glowered at the old man. “You’re not helping me, you’re giving me
nightmares.”
“Nightmares can be good. We can probably see them as progress, in your case.”
“Not when the nightmares include little children being burnt, people being
crucified, and intense, remembered pains from when you were shot,” Lavi yelled,
pulling Yuu’s sheets over his head. He didn’t even care that he could no longer
see the man. Being half blind and a Bookman left him with phenomenal senses,
and Lavi used his hearing to locate the man’s exact position and actions.
“Do you want to talk about it?” The Freud-esque man asked quietly after a long
silence.
“No, Larry, I just want to forget,” Lavi said, repressing a groan of
frustration. Was the man incapable of understanding, or did he think Lavi
really needed all this ridiculous psycho-shit?
The man in question stirred a little and then got up. “I will visit you again
in four days’ time. You will be here, I assume?” Lavi nodded from beneath the
blankets.
---
August 30, 2013—The United Nations Building in New York, New York, USA
He was tired. There was no other word to describe it, either in English or in
Japanese. He was simply exhausted past the functioning point. Long ago, he
would have been able to work through it, but after spending days listening to
his father cackling over him as he raped and beat him, he didn’t have the
energy to keep going. Wearily, he saw a rather uncomfortable-looking bench and
stepped up his sluggish pace. He needed to sit down. Their lunch break would be
over soon, and the United Nations meeting would begin. Nearly every political
or world leader was here, as well as several representatives from each country.
The entire world was here, watching, and Yuu knew he needed to be aware, as the
Earl would not pass this opportunity up at any cost. There was bound to be an
Akuma attack, and it was imperative that Yuu be competent at that point.
Yuu barely made it to the bench before collapsing on it. His eyes were already
shut, and the lack of any movement pulled him into the immediate grasp of
sleep. He tried to activate his Innocence as he slipped away, but he was gone
before he even realized what was happening.
---
Amanda grimaced as her stomach gave a loud growl. She looked around sheepishly
but was glad to find no one staring. She watched as Allen approached, and her
grimace turned into a full smile.
“Hey, Amanda, I’m starving. Let’s go get some food,” he said, placing a hand to
his stomach as he came into earshot.
Amanda nodded earnestly, and they walked over to the food court. She ordered a
cheeseburger as Allen listed off his food choices to the dumbfounded cashier.
They walked over to the condiment table, chatting agreeably about neutral
topics that did not include the war. Absently, Amanda added a good amount of
mayonnaise and an even larger portion of both ketchup and mustard, smiling
evilly as she noted Allen’s scandalized look.
“Does that even taste good?” He asked incredulously, and Amanda shook her head.
“No, but it was worth seeing your face,” she quipped. Allen snickered, and they
made their way over to the nearest bench.
As they rounded the corner, Amanda stopped short, and Allen’s grin grew
dangerously wide.
“Heh, heh, heh, look at Kanda. He’s awfully cute, lying there all defenseless
and sleeping.”
Amanda got the hint, and they walked over. As they came up next to him, she
reached out a hand and poked him at the crown of his head. The man didn’t move
at all, nor did he make a sound, and Amanda saw Allen frown from the corner of
her eye.
“I know Kanda doesn’t sleep that heavily, especially when he’s on a mission. He
must be drugged or something. We should get a doctor to look at him.” Amanda
was surprised to find genuine worry in Allen’s voice.
“I don’t think so,” she disagreed, taking a bite of her burger while still
leaning over Kanda. She watched, horrified, as a huge glob of mayo-mustard-
ketchup fell with a plopping sound onto Kanda’s head, dripping down his hair
ominously. Amanda gulped and flinched back, waiting for Kanda to get up and
kill her in one swift move.
Only he didn’t stir at all. Allen chuckled nervously and poked Kanda a few
times. “Are you sure, Amanda?” He asked doubtingly.
“He hasn’t been sleeping well. Actually, no, he hasn’t been sleeping at all.
I’m normally asleep by two, and I can still hear his ragged breaths as I fall
asleep. This entire week, I’ve woken up every night around three in the morning
to his screams. There hasn’t been a night when that hasn’t happened. I don’t
even think he realizes he does it. I tried to mention it once, but the glare he
shot me made me think I could ignore it for a while.” Amanda shuddered. After a
moment, she took another bite, and she flinched again as more condiments fell
into Kanda’s already-ruined hair. Amanda shrugged and continued to eat, more
condiments slopping into Kanda’s hair with each bite.
“Really?” Allen asked, seeming somewhat concerned as he stuffed a roll into his
mouth. Timcanpy swooped down from his shoulder, pilfering a bite as Allen
grabbed a sandwich from his large pile of food.
“Yeah. I’m tired as fuck, lemme tell ya. I can never seem to get back to sleep
when I hear Kanda’s masked sobs.”
Allen choked. “Sobs?” He wheezed, and Amanda moved from above Kanda to pat his
back, smearing her disgusting mixture of condiments on the back of his jacket.
He swallowed and gasped for air with almost greedy need before he choked out,
“Kanda can cry?”
“I know,” Amanda said, grimacing. “Shocked me, too.” She returned to her
position next to Kanda’s head, but as she reached his side, a strange smell
tickled her nose. The sneeze came unexpectedly, too quickly to be stopped or
suppressed. She tried rolling her eyes as high as she could, but her usual
trick held no avail, and she felt herself throw her burger as she raised her
sticky hands to cover the spray of spittle and food.
Eyes watering slightly, she looked over and saw the meat from her burger fall
into Kanda’s lap. There was a pickle on Kanda’s nose, and bits of melted
cheese, lettuce, and extra condiments littered his face.
Amanda turned to look at Allen and saw her horror-struck expression mirrored on
his face.
“I’m dead,” she whispered. And then Kanda woke up.
---
Something cold and wet dribbled over his head, but he didn’t care; he was so
tired. His sleep was so peaceful, and he needed to get some actual rest.
Lenalee would be by eventually to get him up for the meeting, but until then,
he could—
Something impacted his face, and he felt that same something hit his lap. He
cracked his eyes open and stared blearily down at his legs. There was something
half-moon-shaped there, and he picked it up, throwing it away in disinterest.
There was a strange smell surrounding him, and he wrinkled his nose. He froze.
There was something on that selfsame nose. He reluctantly moved his arm up and
plucked it off, holding it in front of his drooping eyes. There was no way he
could mistake the smell, tired as he was. There was a pickle in his hand, and
it had previously been on his face.
He sighed lightly, and the movement made him note something cold and wet
dripping at the crown of his head. He disposed of the pickle by throwing it to
his side and brought both hands up to his hair. An expression of horror grew on
his face as he felt the goop. He ran his hands through the entire length, and
as he pulled them away, he saw a disgusting, orange-ish mixture of who-knew-
what. Yuu heard a noise from above his left ear, and he looked in its
direction. The Infernal Girl was standing, her hands outstretched and covered
in the same orange stuff. She looked absolutely terrified, like a Level One
Akuma at the end of his chokuto.
Yuu couldn’t bring himself to do anything, tired as he was, so he stood up, a
great shudder running through his entire body. Lenalee walked up, and her face
took on an alarmed expression.
“Kanda-kun! What happened?” She said, reaching out to touch his arm but
stopping herself at the last moment.
Amanda whimpered.
“Do you want me to help you get that stuff out of your hair?” Lenalee asked.
Yuu shook his head. Lenalee cut his hair, but he didn’t want her hands anywhere
near his skull.
“I’m capable of taking care of it myself,” he said, and he walked off to find
the nearest bathroom.
“We start in ten minutes!” She shouted after him, and Yuu nodded briskly,
wondering if she saw it or not and then deciding he didn’t care.
He ended up being an hour late, and he threw the doors of the large meeting
room open and walked in with his head up. He met no one’s eyes, and he lowered
himself into a chair as if he had been there the whole time.
Lenalee looked over at him.
“I couldn’t get it out,” Yuu muttered, scowling at the room.
“I can see that,” she whispered back, looking as if she was suppressing
chuckles. Beside her, Allen gave a mighty guffaw. The meeting recommenced.
It was boring, mostly, and it was a formality. The United Nations discussed
with the Exorcists the notion of having the entire world’s military backing
them. Over the course of the next three hours, they whittled down details and
came to a tentative agreement. Yuu began to doze after a while, but every time
he got close to falling asleep, the pungent smell of mayonnaise, ketchup, and
mustard jerked him awake again.
“You don’t realize how many people you’re going to lose by doing this,” Tuan
Chu implored in a last attempt against the military presence.
“Millions—billions—of people are going to die. There are no ifs, ands, or buts
about it. They will die. Every day, Finders die all over the globe, and even
though that is regrettable, they chose that. You intend to reissue the draft, I
assume?”
At least half the representatives nodded uneasily.
“Then you are sending countless children and adults alike to their deaths. And
not only that—when people find out, you will have so much turmoil on your hands
that you are now risking the stability of all of your countries, if not the
whole world. If you are going to do this, you have to make it voluntary.
Explain to your people the dire need we are in, tell them what is going on. We
can no longer afford to keep this a secret.”
“I understand your view, but very few people would join your cause without a
draft. You have told us your mortality rates several times, and they are not
impressive,” one of the representatives stated imperiously.
“I don’t think you do understand. If you draft people to fight for us, they
would not be helpful. They will only be cannon fodder. If you don’t want to be
out there fighting Akuma, the Noahs, and the Earl, then there is no power that
could make you do it—unless you carry Innocence. Many of us did not join this
fight voluntarily. Families were torn apart, people were killed or bribed, and
children were kidnapped just to force them to fight for the Dark Order.” He
turned to his fellow Exorcists. “How many of you actually joined the Order of
your own free will?”
They all shook their heads. “They said they’d pay for college,” Amanda said
quietly. “They didn’t tell me that it was only if I lived.”
“It was the only path left forward for me,” Allen added.
“I was taken from my brother right after our parents died,” Lenalee said in a
hushed tone.
“There was nothing else I was successful in,” Miranda pitched in.
“My sister and I were kidnapped—our parents still haven’t “found” us. We
thought that was for the best. They don’t need to know what we’re doing now.”
Lolek’s voice was defeated, and Miranda reached over and placed a hand over his
comfortingly.
“It was better than home,” Yuu said. Lenalee gave him a surprised look but
nodded knowingly. Yuu was mystified.
“It was either this or go to jail for drug trafficking,” Artemis piped up. Yuu
stared at her incredulously, and he saw his expression mirrored in several of
the other Exorcists’ faces. The only one who didn’t look fazed was Lenalee,
surprisingly.
“And they bought me,” General Chu concluded gravely. “The only reason our
mortality rate is so low is because we have to fight seriously, or else
everyone will die. We don’t get the choice to fight—either we refuse and the
world dies, or we fight and we have a chance at saving innocent people. So
please, give them the choice we didn’t have. Because quite honestly, almost all
of the soldiers who go to this war will never come back. If they’re lucky,
they’ll die quickly, but this war has no luck. To the enemy, humans are
expendable—they’re little breakable toys that they bought at a garage sale.
They take them apart and make new toys out of them.” No one needed him to
elaborate.
Allen chuckled quietly, and Yuu had to resist the urge to punch the boy again.
Tuan Chu sat down, and the debate resumed.
“Hey, Amanda,” Moyashi said in a stage whisper, leaning over both Lenalee and
Yuu to get close to her. Yuu shrank from the contact.
“What?” She stage-whispered back.
“Why did the President cross the road?” He asked, suppressing another chuckle.
Yuu scowled. Moyashi was invading his space to tell a joke?
“I don’t know, Allen, why?”
“To get to—OH MY GOD!!!”
Yuu flinched as Moyashi’s voice grew shrill and pain-ridden. He felt something
hit his thigh and looked down. There was a spot of something red, and a moment
later, another one joined it. Allen was shaking, and Yuu looked into the
younger boy’s face. His left eye was entirely black with a dark red pupil, and
blood was seeping from it like the agonized tears of the statue of the Virgin
Mary. Allen let out another wailing scream, and his hand twitched to his eye.
Behind him, the wall shattered. Simultaneously, seven Exorcists activated their
Innocence, surrounding the incapacitated Destroyer of Time. Suddenly, the world
became shaded, a black tint that Yuu couldn’t blink away. All around him, the
chained souls of Level One Akuma rose from the crowd. A row of Level Twos
followed behind them. Yuu tightened his grip on Mugen’s hilt. There were too
many to fight off easily, but he figured they’d all survive none the worse for
wear.
Allen screamed a third time, and the Crowned Clown flared to life, its mask
falling over the boy’s blood-filled face. It shone like a white beacon in the
dark world.
The world spun, and Yuu was abruptly facing the huge hole in the wall. A
platoon of maybe fifty Level Threes swarmed in, their souls crying as their
mechanical bodies rained destruction on the nearest UN representatives. He felt
the first wave of hopelessness as three Level Four Akuma emerged, flying
directly toward the group of Exorcists. Even with three well-synched Generals
and a group of some of the most powerful Exorcists, these forces were too
strong to defeat. At least a few of them would lay down their lives in this
battle. Nausea hit him as something else flew in, its angelic white wings
shining nearly as much as the Crowned Clown.
It sported a shining golden halo above its too-human features. It would have
been human, had its body not been cartoonishly out of proportion. Too-long legs
sparkled a metallic silver, and long-fingered hands stretched down to its
knees. Its wrists and ankles were riddled with big, gaping holes, and its
forehead was speckled with smaller ones. It had a flat nose and huge,
strangely-shaped eyes. It couldn’t have been taller than four feet. It was
skeletally thin in places. Its soul shuddered at what it had become, and Yuu
heard it begging to be killed in the most pitiful whimper. The soul itself bore
no resemblance to the glorious human it had once been. It was withered and
darker than black, and it hovered tremulously just above the Akuma’s halo. Its
eyes were gaping holes of an even deeper, denser black, and gray tears fell
from them in weeping sobs.
Yuu felt his nearly empty stomach rebel at the sight of what must have been a
Level Five. He tried shutting his eyes against the sight, and he even put an
arm over them, but his efforts didn’t help. The soul still burned in his
retinas as if he was still looking at it, and the way it moved made him realize
that Allen’s curse was still allowing him to see, even with his eyes closed.
A collectively unspoken thought dispersed the Exorcists: Allen, Lenalee, and
Chu set their faces in determined masks and launched themselves at the Level
Five. Artemis and Amanda flew into a deadly storm of projectiles as they began
to take down the numerous Level Ones and Twos. Lolek’s gauntlets sprouted from
his arms like sharks’ fins from the ocean. He was slashing viciously at a Level
Three, Miranda shooting short, thin rods that altered space-time after him and
hitting the Akuma with sickly proficiency. Yuu pulled Mugen to chest height and
ran his fingers down it in a calming gesture—he no longer activated his
Innocence that way—and braced himself for his overwhelming fight against the
three Level Fours. He knew already that he would not survive.
Running forward, he engaged the nearest of the Level Four Akuma. His Innocence
shone bright red with an eerie blue glow around it. He didn’t even need to
speak the words—his Hell’s Insects flew from it at just the thought. Twisting
through the air, they struck the Akuma, and it turned to face him, a smile
marring its face. It giggled in a high-pitched voice and flicked its wrist. A
beam of bright, purple light flew at Yuu, and he swung Mugen through it to
divert its destructive path. Behind him, he heard screams, and he chanced a
glance to see how many people he would be protecting. His heart lurched as he
saw the American President, his Secretary of State, the British Prime Minister,
and the Russian President all standing with horrified looks on their faces. He
positioned himself directly in front of the group.
“Run,” he hissed as quietly as possible to avoid drawing too much attention to
them. They couldn’t move, and Yuu no longer had time to concentrate on them.
The Level Four attacked. It flew at him, and he ran forward to meet it.
Swinging his re-formed blade, he managed to stop and parry a punch, only to be
thrown back by the force. Into the Level Four that had snuck up behind the
group. He couldn’t help it, he screamed. A purple explosion hit him in the
back, and he flew forward toward the first Akuma.
Getting up on unsteady limbs, Yuu activated his Second Illusion. The original
Level Four did not have time to dodge. His attack did not make so much as a
scratch. Cursing, Yuu braced himself and unleashed the Third Illusion. He raced
forward in a fury, slicing at any inch of Akuma he could get, and though the
Level Four was nimble on its feet, it was unable to prevent the deep channels
that Yuu rent through it. He continued on dodging Akuma bullets and purple
light alike, all the while carving the Akuma like a Christmas turkey.
As the Akuma in front of him exploded, he saw Miranda running over to help. A
quick glance at Lolek showed the man had everything under control. More rods of
space-time flew out from the dots on Miranda’s Time Record, racing past him
toward the remaining two Level Fours. She pulled the Record back and it flung
still more rods out like a slingshot. Then she did something unexpected; she
flipped her Record. Yuu gasped as he recognized the face of a clock. Solemnly,
Miranda wound the minute hand counter-clockwise. A brief beam of yellow light
shot past him, almost grazing his left ear. There was a sickening gasp, and Yuu
turned to face his next opponent.
A time ring encircled the foremost Level Four’s waist. Yuu watched, transfixed,
as it slowly lost its form, breaking up into nearly one hundred Level Ones,
Twos, and Threes. Amanda darted past, her Discus whistling by with destruction
in its path. Artemis’s steely gray arrows shot in high arcs and pelted Akuma as
they descended. Yuu shared a look with Miranda, and she nodded. He took point
against the final Level Four. Space-time rods rocketed past him, displacing his
hair with their sheer velocity. Mugen’s third illusion—which, thank the Lord,
had stopped draining his life force once he had hit Critical—surged forward
with him, flashing like wings on his arms. He hissed at the harsh impact on the
Akuma’s metallic skin but kept on with his attack.
A metal arm flew out of nowhere and threw him back. He felt his back snap as he
hit the ground, right next to the group of politicians.
“Che,” he scoffed, riding through the pain. Thankfully, his spinal cord hadn’t
snapped, which made it easier for him to heal. Clenching his teeth and staying
watchful, he waited for the Lotus Spell to do its work. He saw Miranda
slingshot another round of space-time rods before flipping her Time Record
again. Within moments, the time ring was in place, though it took long minutes
for the Akuma to dissolve. Yuu hissed as his back realigned with a harsh snap
that drew the politicians’ attention.
“What was that?” The American Secretary of State said in a shaking voice.
“That was my spine,” Yuu bit out through gritted teeth as he stood up.
“Didn’t we just hear that break a minute ago?” The Russian President asked
brusquely.
Yuu sighed and resisted the urge to scoff at the guy. He arched his back and
felt a very satisfying crack! The politicians flinched at the loud noise, and
Yuu met the Russian man’s eyes. “Not anymore,” he said before turning on his
heel to return to battle. He stopped, and his eyes widened in horror as he saw
an enormous spike flying rapidly toward him. He quickly calculated the
trajectory and was momentarily relieved when he realized it would go past him.
And then his heart skipped a beat. It would hit one of the politicians behind
him. He sprung into action without even thinking about it. He could heal from
the Akuma virus; the politicians could not. He threw himself into its path.
The spike thudded through his chest, piercing him just next to the Lotus
Spell’s large mark. Yuu felt himself thrown back into the wall a few meters
behind him, taking the politicians he was trying to protect with him, before he
felt the beginning of the burn of the Akuma poison.
---
Allen emptied the contents of his stomach on the marble floor, choking as he
began dry heaving a moment later. Not even the soul of a Level Four could
compare to the disgusting sight of the Level Five’s. Allen felt tears pouring
down his face, mixing with the still-flowing blood, but he did nothing to stop
it. He clenched his right arm tightly around his left wrist and pulled on it
until it became his sword. Running forward, the Crowned Clown’s cloak-like form
flowed out behind him. The rapid clacking footsteps of Lenalee’s boots alerted
him to her presence at his right side. General Chu sprinted up to his left, and
as one, the three of them launched themselves at the Level Five Akuma, resolved
to destroy it.
Lenalee used her newfound ability to literally walk on air to launch an
overhead attack, and Allen enhanced it with long, sweeping lunges at the
Akuma’s tiny body. It flew out of reach, never staying in one place for more
than a split-second. All the while, it cackled lightly, smiling excitedly at
what seemed to be a game to it. The rat-tat-tat of Chu’s Machine Gun Innocence
echoed loudly throughout the large hall, adding a steady beat to the cacophony
of the fight. The Level Five danced out of the way of each bullet with extreme
ease. Its smile had not yet fallen, and Allen expected it would not as long as
it considered the battle to be fun.
The beat stopped as the Level Five charged at Tuan Chu, stopping with precision
barely five centimeters from the man. Tuan’s bullets bounced harmlessly off of
the Akuma’s skin. Reaching out a hand, it poked him lightly on the shoulder.
Tuan went flying, and he didn’t stop until he crashed into the opposite wall,
making a deep crater in it. The General coughed blood and fell to the ground,
unconscious and bleeding out. He saw Miranda turn from her battle with the
Level Threes and put Tuan’s time into her Innocence. In that time, he, too, was
hit.
All he felt was an intense, blinding pain. Taking gasping breaths, he slowly
sat up. He became aware that there was nothing underneath him. Looking around,
Allen came to the horrifying conclusion that he was tangled in a chandelier. He
tried to extricate himself by flailing wildly, but that only succeeded in
getting him stuck further. Sighing, he took off his arm and in one swift
motion, cut the chandelier from the ceiling. It hit the floor with a satisfying
crash! Allen felt himself jarred by the impact, but as he stood up and dusted
himself off nonchalantly, he thought himself no worse for wear.
Lenalee soared past him, looking worried. “Are you okay, Allen?” She called as
she struck a glancing blow on the Akuma. It staggered back, looking appalled.
It paused, and its smile grew wide and evil. It shook its shoulders and its
wings grew spikes. Giggling, it dislodged two of them and lightly flicked them
at Allen, others following in quick succession. Allen ignored the pain as he
threw himself to the ground to avoid the spikes. A shout from behind him
indicated that one had struck home. Turning around wildly, he saw Kanda blown
back into a small line of gaping politicians.
Unable to give him more than a cursory glance, Allen wrenched himself back into
the fight as Miranda dropped to Kanda’s side. He joined Lenalee and Tuan, and
they moved in tandem. Allen shot out numerous Clown Belts, but none of them
were able to touch their target. The Akuma made contact with his chest, and
Allen flew back once more, a fountain of blood erupting from his mouth. He felt
a rib break. Coughing, he saw Miranda’s Innocence encase him, too. Immediately,
he felt better, and he ran once more at the Level Five. Something flashed
behind him, but he paid no attention as he brought his sword to bear.
---
The virus scorched his veins as it traveled through his system. His eyes were
closed against the pain, and with the last of his mobility, he raised a star-
spotted arm and wrenched the bullet from his chest. Yuu screamed and began
convulsing. Nothing mattered anymore but the liquid fire that blazed through
his body. The world faded from his mind, leaving only the excruciating pain.
Yuu had never felt an all-encompassing burn like this before, and he considered
himself particularly lucky. He never wanted to feel this again. Breathing was
becoming harder and harder, and he choked on something thick and coppery.
Someone was turning him on his side, and lava burst from the bleeding hole in
his chest.
“Time Record, take his time,” Miranda mumbled next to him, and it took all of
Yuu’s concentration to reach out a fully-darkened hand, despite the unbearable
pain.
“Don’t,” he croaked. When had his voice gotten so scratchy? He hoped he hadn’t
shamed himself screaming.
“Kanda, I have to—”
“Wakatta, but… let me… heal… from the… virus…” Yuu choked out. Talking was
harder than breathing, which had become nearly impossible. He felt a hand in
his and managed to look up at the lanky black man overtop him. “Don’t… touch…
hole…” he managed to say, “…poi—son.”
His eyes closed, and he felt himself shaking again. Something foamy was in his
mouth, and sound disappeared from the world. All that was there was the pain,
the agonizing throbbing in his chest and the receding fire in his veins.
Abruptly, he felt like he was floating, and a series of cracks and pops echoed
in his mind as his body mended itself with a pace the Lotus Spell could no
longer keep up with. He cracked an eye open and saw several of Miranda’s rings
of time around him, healing his injuries. There were more than he’d thought. He
even felt his old scars relinquish themselves to smooth skin. He looked
gratefully over to Miranda and nodded sharply. She smiled at him, and he saw
tears falling from her eyes.
“I am likely dead,” he said, sitting up. The black man next to him looked
startled.
“But you look healed,” he protested. Yuu fixed him with a straightforward
stare.
“Miranda’s Innocence only delays the inevitable. I survived the Akuma virus
because I am immune—the curse that keeps me alive will not be able to heal such
a fatal wound. It no longer has that capability.” Nodding curtly, he strode
over to Allen, Lenalee, and General Chu. He would finish this fight.
“Shigento,” he said dangerously and threw himself into the battle. His sword
extended into a double-edged staff in the palm of his hand, and he twirled it
expertly. During the final year, after he had reached Critical, he had spent
many hours perfecting the usage of this weapon. He would not lose. He threw it
forward and hit the Level Five dead-on. It reeled back as Mugen cut clean
through it and soared to the ground. A blue string of light flew from his hand,
and he recalled the weapon, cutting it through the Akuma again.
He kept no restraints on his power, pushing it past its limits. Yuu and his
opponent attacked and dodged with the smooth, deliberate motions of a
choreographed dance, and though Yuu did not hit the Akuma again, his opponent
was unable to hit him.
He did not feel the usual drain of life-force that came with his highest level
of invocation, and as Mugen sailed back into his arm in a sweeping arc, he
noted it was no longer the deep red of crystal type. Rather, it was clear,
glowing around the edges with a familiar blue color that he had come to miss. A
grim smile touched his lips. How ironic that it took his death to bring about
Mugen’s second evolution.
“Shinde,” he hissed, redoubling his efforts. He flew in and out of reach,
hitting the Akuma with nearly every attempt. Sometimes it managed to block with
its long, thin arms, but mostly it sat still, shocked at actually being hit
with real, damaging blows.
With a final effort, Yuu shoved Mugen through the Akuma’s chest, extending his
arm farther than was wise. The Akuma tried to take advantage of the mistake,
but it gasped out a choked breath. Launching his Innocence (to which the Level
Five was still attached) upward, he nodded to the idiot Moyashi, who had been
standing still, gaping, the entire time. Moyashi flinched at Yuu’s gaze and
then nodded in understanding. Gesturing to Lenalee and Chu, he set his idiot
face into something that approximated the look of a General. Mugen hit the
ceiling, and Lenalee grabbed each of her companions’ hands in her own, bending
her knees into a low squat. In a moment, the three of them streaked up toward
the ceiling. Moyashi scratched out with his claw as Lenalee arched back for a
kick and General Chu unloaded a storm of Innocence bullets. The Level Five
exploded mightily under the fire, and the world seemed just a little bit
lighter, despite Allen’s curse still being activated.
The three hit the ground, and Yuu recalled his Innocence to him. The Fourth
Illusion dissolved into the now-clear blade, and Yuu turned collectively with
the others to finish off the rest of the lower-leveled Akuma.
“Kaichu: Ichigen!” Yuu shouted, releasing his Hell’s Insects with a backhanded
sweeping motion. The blade dissolved, and the Insects swept across the sea of
Akuma like a deadly plague. They cut through Level One after Level One, leaving
only explosions in their wake. Lenalee and Allen turned to fight with Lolek,
and General Chu joined Artemis and Amanda against the level twos. Yuu worked
alone, cutting down the numerous Level Ones. He noted Miranda was now out of
the battle, the time of so many injuries and firing rods of space-time having
tired her out too much to move from the politicians’ corner.
As the last of the Akuma exploded, Yuu wiped his clear blade off on his sleeve,
being careful to get everything off. Finally satisfied at the general hygiene
of his Innocence, he re-sheathed it. The blade sunk easily into the clear
circle on his left hip. He walked over to the spot where the rest of the
Exorcists had gathered.
“I can’t hold your time much longer,” Miranda moaned, holding her Time Record
to her chest as if that would allow her another minute of activation.
“You can release me,” Lenalee said. Amanda, Artemis, and Lolek nodded along,
and Miranda dropped their times, looking slightly relieved.
“That didn’t give me much time—yours was so light—but I can hold on long enough
for us to get to a hospital, I think.”
The others nodded, and Yuu found a miraculously undestructed chair and sat in
it. Lenalee limped over to him, looking very battered now that Miranda was no
longer keeping her in her best state.
“Kanda-kun, is there anything you need?” Lenalee asked in a hushed, kind tone.
She crouched down. Yuu shook his head and stared at the disfigured marble
floor, unable to look down into her pitying eyes. “You sure?” She added. Yuu
took a bracing breath and glanced into her deep purple eyes. They were swimming
with tears—as usual—but there was no hint of pity in them. Instead, he saw only
sorrow and something… sweet.
“I… am a bit thirsty,” he finally conceded. Lenalee chuckled but got up from
her crouched position.
“I’ll be right back. One of the politicians just called an ambulance, and we’ll
all ride over to the hospital together. But I’m sure you’ll want your water
first.” She walked off with a light smile, though her eyes belied her sadness.
She returned just a few minutes later with a paper cup. Yuu drank deeply, his
parched throat feeling relieved as the water went down. He could vaguely taste
blood and bile, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Suddenly, water was the
one thing he needed, and he gulped it all down until he was tipping the cup for
the last dregs of liquid.
“Only a bit thirsty, Kanda-kun?” Lenalee teased lightly, walking off and
getting him another cup. Yuu finished the second cup just as quickly, cursing
himself as he slopped water down his front. After all the mess of the day,
though, he didn’t particularly care. And he was thirsty, dammit.
---
The ambulance arrived after only a few minutes, and as they loaded themselves
in, Allen told Miranda to release him. Though he collapsed from the sudden re-
breaking of his rib, he managed to only grimace in pain.
“Nothing compared to the headaches Fourteen likes to give me,” he joked half-
heartedly. It fell flat, but everyone except Yuu laughed anyway. The dark-
haired man snorted—only Moyashi would joke about something as morbid as that.
At the hospital, General Chu immediately demanded to be released, and a team of
doctors rolled him away on a gurney, shouting orders to scared-looking interns.
Yuu gritted his teeth.
“I know I’m going to die, but I assume the doctors will try to revive me
anyway. If that’s the case, I’d prefer someone more… experienced.” His tone and
expression held no room for argument, and a wide-eyed girl not much older than
him nodded and ran off. A minute later, she returned with three older doctors.
Nodding grimly at Miranda, he braced himself. “Release me,” he said gravely.
Miranda looked conflicted but complied. Yuu screamed out as the hole in his
chest returned. The last thing he felt was a sharp crack as his head hit
something very, very hard…
---
August 30, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Exactly four days, three hours, twenty-seven minutes, and forty-one seconds
after his meeting, Larry returned to Lavi’s room—well, Yuu’s room.
“I trust you’ve been well?” He asked, pulling Yuu’s desk chair over next to the
bed. Lavi retreated slightly, now stretched out at the other side of Yuu’s bed.
The psychiatrist gave him a contemplative look but said nothing, a fact for
which Lavi was glad. The man’s glasses were dirty today, covered with several
small, white dots. Lavi thought they looked remarkably like Komui’s after the
man had brushed his teeth vigorously. Unbidden, Lavi began to chuckle,
genuinely amused at the memory, even with the doctor’s presence so close. Larry
raised an eyebrow.
“Sorry—you just made me remember Komui for a minute,” Lavi said, still
snickering a little bit, though most of his laughter had calmed.
“Today, I would like to talk about this ‘sun’ of yours,” the psychiatrist said,
pushing his glasses up to the top of the bridge of his nose. Lavi
unsuccessfully stifled another bout of light snickering.
“Oh, I can do that,” Lavi said, feeling relieved. “I can talk about my sun
aaaall day!”
The doctor looked skeptical. “What exactly is this ‘sun?’”
“My sun keeps me warm,” Lavi replied, point-blank.
“You mean the sun outside,” the doctor commented.
“No, I mean my sun. It shines through me and keeps me warm.” Lavi was getting
annoyed. Why was Larry so dense?
“Listen to me, Lavi. This ‘sun’ is something inside you, something that isn’t
real. I need you to understand that, okay, Lavi?”
Why was Larry trying to make him doubt his sun? “But it’s not inside me!” Lavi
protested, leaning forward despite his growing distaste for the man.
“Yes, it is, Lavi. Your sun does not exist, do you get that?” Larry talked
slowly, as if Lavi was incapable of understanding what he was saying.
“But my sun is Yuu,” Lavi said softly, looking down at Yuu’s sheets.
“I’m not your sun,” Larry said firmly, “no one is. Your sun does not exist. It
is a figment of your imagination. It is a way for your mind to cope with the
tremendous stress of being an Exorcist.”
Lavi glared hatefully at the man. A movement behind the psychiatrist caught his
eye, and he gasped in horror. A petal on Yuu’s lotus flower fell, and it was
quickly followed by another. He stopped paying attention to the man in front of
him, focusing solely on the actively wilting flower. For a long time, nothing
happened, and just as Lavi was about to force the psychiatrist—who seemed to be
ranting or something—to leave, a third petal began to shrivel up. Lavi’s mind
recoiled from the implications, and he shivered. Suddenly, he was very, very
cold.
“You’re right,” he said softly, and the annoying man’s voice quieted
immediately. “There is no sun.” His sun was very injured, probably dead. Yes,
his sun was most likely dead. Or mortally injured and about to die. But his sun
wasn’t there at all, was he? No, he had not seen his sun in a very long while.
Too long. His sun must be gone. Because otherwise, his sun would be here with
him. His sun was definitely, definitely gone. He no longer had a sun. The warm
glow that had filled his body seeped out of him like air from a punctured
balloon, and he felt himself swimming away. What had he been doing? Who was—
“That’s right, Lavi, there is no sun,” a voice said, and he became aware again
of the man in front of him. Who was the man? He only knew that he hated the
man. But wait. He didn’t know who he was again. Hadn’t he had this trouble
before? But he just couldn’t remember, and he felt himself drifting in a
freezing ocean. Maybe he would hit an iceberg…
Meaning left his mind, but one question remained, so he spoke it: “who’s Lavi?”
The man drifted out of view, but he thought he saw the man look very, very
distressed. Good. Served the bastard right.
He shivered. “Yuu, it’s so cold…” he muttered as his eye drooped.
---
He looked up, his eye snapping to attention as he straightened his back.
Glaring hatefully at the man in front of him, he yelled, “You son of a bitch,
you broke 'im again!”
The idiot Larry looked taken aback. “What?” He asked, blinking.
“Lavi—you fuckin' broke 'im, and 'e was finally almost 'ealed enough for me ta
start juxtaposin' m'self!” He kicked the man in the kneecap, more out of
frustration than anger, though there was a good amount of that as well.
“Who…?” The psychiatrist asked.
He rolled his eye, scoffing. “I’m Liam Flynn; I’m who Lavi used to be—and wha'
'e would be if he didn’t suppress everythin' 'e felt.”
“I heard you had a penchant for acting, Lavi. I see my sources were correct.”
“I’m not actin', you fool!” Liam shouted, kicking the man again. “Doesn’t the
accent give it away? Twenty-tree and a turd, man!” Really, didn’t he know that
Bookmen didn’t have accents?
“Well, you did switch from your perfect English accent to an Irish one, but I
don’t see how that makes a difference,” the doctor murmured, shrugging his
shoulders.
“So you don’t believe that Lavi could possibly be a multiple personality?” Liam
asked incredulously. Really, was this man blind?
“It’s a rare condition; normally, children with extremely traumatic experiences
develop one or two as a way to protect themselves, but I hardly see how that
applies to you,” the doctor said. Liam kicked him a third time.
“So you don’t think that seein' children burned alive and people bein'
disemboweled, raped, tortured, shot at, eaten, buried in mass graves, and
crucified merits any second personality? You don’t think that watching an
entire fuckin' genocide isn’t traumatic enough for a seven-year-old ta be
scarred by?” Liam shouted, rising to his feet as his voice increased in pitch
until it was a screech.
The doctor looked horrified. “What?” He croaked.
“Bookmen aren’t allowed ta feel, so Lavi repressed all of 'is emotions, pushed
'em into a back corner of 'is mind. And it just happened ta be the same place
where all of 'is memories before the age of six were located. And it was also
the place where 'e sent the disturbing images 'e didn’t want ta remember. I am
Liam Flynn—'is six-year-old self—grown up with the experiences of any Bookman
heir.”
He pulled open Yuu’s bedside table’s drawer and grabbed the letter opener from
Bookman’s room. After Yuu had left, Liam had taken over Lavi’s consciousness
during the night and stolen over to his former master’s room. He had taken the
letter opener. It was the only thing Bookman had left behind, so Liam wanted
it. Deep down, he knew Lavi wanted it, too. He sat down on the bed again and
played with the letter opener absently, twirling it in little circles.
“You know, Lavi was doin' so well lately. You see, we’re both a little
depressed, and when Lavi finally started ta allow 'imself ta feel things, 'e
got a lotta sadness, too. 'E didn’t know how much 'e cared about Bookman, ya
see. I am sorry I tried ta kill us, though. Lavi was just hidin' in the back of
our mind, so I came out—I couldn’t jus' leave 'im starin' there apathetically,
after all—and Lavi was feelin' so depressed. 'E jus' wanted ta disappear, and I
didn’t really want ta be here if Lavi wasn’t—I mean, 'e’s a part of me, or I’m
a part of 'im, I’m not really sure anymore—so I just… tried ta end it. I mean,
we didn’t have anything ta live for. But then Yuu said 'e cared about us, and
that was the first time anyone’s ever said tha' ta us, including our parents,
and we knew we cared about 'im a lot, too, and suddenly, we 'ad somethin' ta
live for. We 'ad Yuu—'e kept us warm at night when Lavi couldn’t function and I
was still unable ta move ta the front of our mind. That’s why Lavi calls 'im
'is sun, you know—”
The doctor raised both bushy eyebrows, and Liam sighed. “His sun was a person?”
“Of course, you dolt! 'E even told you! ‘My sun is Yuu,’ 'e said. 'E was
talkin' about Kanda Yuu, the Japanese Exorcist. If you weren’t such a fuckin'
narcissist, you would’ve realized that Yuu’s pretty much the only person we’ve
been around for the past couple of weeks. Seriously, don’t you check your
patients’ backgrounds? You already seemed completely ignorant of what a
Bookman’s job entails. I mean, come on, Lavi’s mentioned war before, 'asn’t 'e?
“And back ta my other point, Yuu was 'is sun, which is why Lavi equates sanity
with warmth. When 'e said ‘it’s so cold,’ that’s because 'e was going fuckin'
insane, retard!
“I got so fuckin' tired of listenin' to all the shit you’re tryin' to get 'im
to believe when none of it is fuckin' true! Yuu is our sun. We live for 'im. Or
at least we did, until you took that away from us! Behind you is Yuu’s lotus
flower—two and a half petals just wilted, meanin' Yuu is either very, very
injured, mortally wounded, or dyin'. Which is basically three ways of saying
that 'e is going to die very, very soon, because the lotus flower isn’t 'ealing
'im fast enough anymore. You’ve undermined one of the four corners of our
mind—we use these four corners to keep us sane, and by takin' one of them away,
well, you’ve made it a triangle. And triangles just don’t work. Lavi 'as four
very important ways of seeing 'imself. 'e’s got a corner for 'is Exorcist self;
a corner for 'is Bookman self—I’m in there; a corner for 'is sun—which you took
away; and a corner for 'im to eventually put 'is main personality—which 'e’s
still tryin' ta figure out. It’s like a stool with only two legs! It jus'
doesn’t work! You can have a stool with three legs and four legs, but you can’t
'ave one with two!” Liam shouted. As he listed the number of legs, he started
ticking them off on his hand with the letter opener for emphasis. The
psychiatrist looked completely blown away. Liam felt no small amount of
satisfaction.
“Now, I’d like it very much if you would leave. You’re never to come near Lavi
again, you understand? I will disappear eventually, because at some point,
Lavi’s going ta 'ave to incorporate me, and the process 'as already started.
But you see, 'e’s got no way to deal with my complete and utter depression. And
there’s absolutely no way 'e’ll regain 'is sanity if 'e remembers everything
we’ve both seen together. Because right now, 'e’s not sane. If Yuu comes back,
then 'e might have a chance at regaining that sanity, but that’s unlikely.
Every time Lavi sees you, 'is sanity slips further, and it’s really painful ta
watch. Or feel. Or whatever. Just stay the fuck away from us.”
The psychiatrist scuttled from the room, and Liam lay back on the bed, still
fingering Bookman’s old letter opener. He sighed. He wasn’t strong enough to
stay in control much longer, but he couldn’t let Lavi out at this point—he
would be next to useless, and he didn’t want their body to waste away with Lavi
in control.
---
August 30, 2013—A Hospital in New York City
The photographer scrolled through his camera’s pictures with great interest.
Though the media was not supposed to be at the UN meeting, the photographer had
been able to sneak himself in. He had stayed on the outskirts of the battle,
and he had taken some very excellent pictures of it. His boss was going to pay
him a shitload for this.
He had followed the ambulance to this hospital, as he wanted to document the
Exorcists’ injuries as well. It was amazing, how that one woman had been able
to reverse their damage. That was cool. He’d gotten a few pictures of
that—especially the one with the Chinese guy who was seizing with some sort of
black poisoning with President Obama’s hand in his.
Perhaps he could sell these pictures to other papers, too. He’d make an even
larger sum. He smiled to himself and continued looking at the pictures. He
couldn’t make himself delete any of them—they were all so unbelievable. The
entire battle had been that way.
There was a light whimper, and the photographer looked up in interest as he saw
an Exorcist jacket out of the corner of his eye. The blonde Mediterranean girl
was being led by a large, muscled man. He snapped a picture—could he make this
into a scandal? He decided to follow, snapping another picture as a strange-
looking door appeared out of nowhere. He cursed quietly as the flash went off.
The girl looked around, and something desperate shone in her eyes. Switching
his camera to video capture, he poked the record button. She mouthed something
at him before the man urged her through the strange door that had just
appeared. It closed behind them and disappeared.
Something in the back of his head told him to find the other Exorcists. The
photographer thought that perhaps they should know—because, after all, he was
not a bad man, and that had been fear shining in that girl’s eyes.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: The statue of the Virgin Mary has stumped scientists for years.
     It has been seen weeping a strange, red liquid (or simply clear
     liquid, depending on the statue). This has happened for other statues
     as well, but the one of the Virgin Mary is the most well-known.
***** My Lord, What a Mornin’ *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_15—My_Lord,_What_a_Mornin’
August 31, 2013, 5:36 AM—Hospital in New York
Draping a blanket over Lenalee’s still form, Allen grimaced against the pain in
his rib. He stole back to his bed, hoping none of the staff noticed his
absence. He was in the room next door, as Tuan was in the bed next to Kanda’s.
They had both miraculously been stabilized, and though Tuan was now doped up,
he had woken only a few hours prior. Kanda had stayed in a resolute sleep that
the doctors believed had nothing to do with the heavy medications that had worn
off hours ago.
One of the three people sleeping by Kanda’s bedside stirred, and Allen froze,
turning.
“Please don’t tell them I’m up,” he pleaded desperately.
“How are you up?” The American President asked. Allen shrugged, and the
movement sent another bolt of pain through his chest.
“Force of will. You see, that girl who’s leaning on your wife is the one I
love. I don’t want her to get sick, and I knew she wouldn’t be caring for
herself at this point. Oh, by the way, don’t tell her I said that—it would
shatter her world if she knew and I died. She’s barely holding on as it is.”
Allen raised his arms in a pleading gesture, and the President nodded
immediately.
“Don’t worry, Allen—I won’t tell.”
Allen smiled. “Thanks, Barack.” The man nodded, and Allen walked stiffly from
the room, closing the door slowly behind him so it wouldn’t be very loud.
It had surprised him to see the American President appear at Kanda’s side as
soon as he had been stabilized. But what had surprised him the most was what
the man had told him. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Kanda had
willingly saved someone else’s life. The Kanda he had met at the age of fifteen
surely wouldn’t have, but something had slowly changed in the older man, and
Allen was starting to believe that there was someone decent beneath all the
rugged layers. No, he thought,there’s something even more shocking than that.
The President had gone up to Kanda, pulled a chair up to his bedside, and
grabbed the unconscious Exorcist’s hand. He hadn’t let go except to go meet his
wife, who had flown in from Washington, DC, and to do the necessities. His wife
had joined his vigil, and after Lenalee had been checked over by a doctor and
an intern, she had joined them as well. It hurt Allen to see Lenalee so close
to the breaking point, and he had tried to comfort her as best he could.
Unfortunately, the hospital staff seemed to think that it was important for him
to stay in bed. Allen disagreed, but after they had restrained him the first
time—he had escaped by activating his Innocence—he had decided not to cross
them.
Getting back into his surprisingly comfortable bed, he soon fell into a light
sleep. He was glad when he met Lenalee in Faith’s room.
-
Her dark brown curls cascaded beautifully down to the ground as she offered
Allen a hand up from the floor. He took it and winced at the pain in his rib.
Faith smiled serenely and said in a soft voice, “Allen Walker, you are injured,
would you like to be healed?”
The white-haired boy nodded uncertainly, and Faith called the Healer to her.
She appeared a minute later. Her gray, wispy hairs flew from her head like a
halo as usual, and her smile grew when she saw her patient.
“Elizabeth, would you please heal him? He cannot fight our confused siblings
with his rib in such a condition.” The Australian Noah nodded and placed a hand
on Allen’s injured chest. In a moment, his pain-ridden expression turned
relieved, and he looked around.
“Thank you,” he said, and Faith knew he was speaking both to her and Elizabeth.
A moment later, Lenalee appeared, and Faith grew very happy. She liked Lenalee,
and she knew Allen liked Lenalee, too. Really, they were fated for each other,
if they’d only realize it—if onlyRoadwould realize it. It made her sad that her
favorite sister was suffering an unrequited crush. Still, Allen and Lenalee
were her Heart, so that made it a little bit easier on her.
“I am sorry for the fight today. I am very angry at Chaz for bringing such a
large force. It has gotten to the point where my clan has forgotten where they
come from, and that is causing them to do horrible things. Please, don’t
penalize them for it. They are good people, if you’ll only give them the chance
to prove it. You will know this once the Earl is killed. I am… unable to stay
awake for long periods of time, and I can only meet with you when I am, but I
will do my best to aide you in this terrible endeavor.”
Allen and Lenalee nodded, and Faith grinned when she saw them unconsciously
holding hands.
Elizabeth walked over to Faith, looking worried, and Faith’s smile disappeared
at what the woman said. “There is another presence in Walker. It feels…
familiar, almost like… Sebastian.”
Faith gasped. She had always wondered what had happened to him after he had
lost his form. Abruptly, Allen screamed, his hand ripping from Lenalee’s in
order to grab his suddenly-darkened eye. Faith recognized the symptoms
immediately. Furious, she strode over to Allen and placed a hand on the crown
of his white head. Searching his mind, she found the presence she was looking
for andpinchedit between her thumb and fore- and middle fingers. Creating a
mirror, she threw the Musician into it.
Glaring at him, she pointed an admonishing finger at his darkened, smirking
form. “No!” She said firmly. The Musician looked hurt.
“What’s wro—”
“No! Bad Sebastian!” She said in that same firm voice. Her fourteenth brother
pouted.
“You make it sound like I’m a dog,” he whined, hanging his head pitifully.
“You may as well be. Now listen to me, Sebastian. You’re not to hurt Allen
again. If you want the Earl dead, you must stop hindering my Heart.”
“But Faith! He’s boring!” Sebastian protested. Faith hardened her face.
“I don’t care if he’s Jesus! I’m forbidding you from hurting him again.
Anything—even a little twinge—and I refuse to put you in someone else’s head
after the Earl’s gone,” Faith stated, her arms folding over her chest
indignantly.
“But—but I want my body back!” Sebastian shouted.
“I’m sorry, Bastian, but you know I can’t, not without Sarah.” Faith felt her
face plummet into a crestfallen look.
“Can I have a hug, at least?” Sebastian asked. Faith looked up at his dark form
in the mirror and smiled. He always knew how to cheer her up. Reaching through
the mirror, she patted him on the head.
“Only if you can catch the candy in your mouth,” she said playfully, and
Sebastian’s eyes flashed with determination. She tossed him a caramel, and he
stretched his neck, catching it in his mouth expertly. They had spent many
rainy days playing just like that. Faith longed for those halcyon afternoons.
She softly reached back into the mirror, wrapping her arms warmly around her
brother.
“I mean it, Sebastian,” she warned, her tone turning dangerous even as she
rested her head against his chest.
The man deflated a little bit and patted her on the back. “Fine,” he sighed.
Faith pulled back, catching his eyes.
“I’m serious,” she said, her voice flinty. Sebastian raised his hands in
surrender.
“Can I at least defend the body?” He asked.
“Only if he asks you to,” Faith decreed fairly. Allen nodded at the terms, and
Faith pulled Sebastian out of the mirror, placing him lightly back into the
white-haired boy who already carried too much.
“Thank you,” the boy said again, and Faith smiled down at him.
“Anytime,” she said. She felt sleep beginning to take her again, and she
reluctantly bid her Heart farewell. They waved as the room dissolved into
unconsciousness.
---
August 31, 2013—The Dark Order, Yuu’s Room
The sheets smelled so familiar, but he couldn’t remember why. It was vague,
faded almost, but the scent was so hauntingly good that he couldn’t make
himself move. He simply lay there, unmoving, and breathed in that wonderful
smell like it was a drug. It made his head a bit more clear, made him remember
at least a few things about himself. He felt very, very empty, as if he was
missing a huge chunk of who he was, but he at least knew that he was an
Exorcist named Lavi. He knew he had a personality in his head somewhere, but he
couldn’t seem to recall it—it had been lost when whatever had happened to him
had come to pass.
He shifted, sending his nose further into the sheets, and sighed. His breath
smelled rank, putrid even, but he couldn’t leave this place, not when it was
keeping him from freezing over.
Come on, idiot, get up off your ass and get somethin' ta eat and brush your
teeth. Take one of Yuu’s shirts if you need ta, a voice in his head ordered. It
sounded remarkably like his own, and Lavi assumed it was his forgotten self
yelling at him.
No, you dolt. I’m not your “forgotten self.” Well, I am, but not in the way
you’re thinkin'. Anyway, go brush your teeth—I’m suffocating 'ere.
Lavi flicked him off before realizing he was talking to his head. Shaking that
selfsame head in exasperation, he forced himself up. Immediately, the air felt
icy, and he shivered as he went through the drawers mechanically, searching for
something that contained the smell. It wafted out, stronger than the sheets,
and Lavi nearly passed out in joy. Grabbing the topmost item, he walked in a
slow gait to the bathroom, backtracking only once to grab his toothbrush.
The Dark Order had many provided conveniences. Lavi’s favorite was the
toothpaste dispenser that stood eerily close to the one for the liquid soap.
Pushing the button, he loaded his toothbrush with the minty-smelling concoction
and shoved it in his mouth, brushing his teeth violently and efficiently.
You happy now? He grumbled at his head as he walked back to his room after an
unsatisfying breakfast.
Not particularly. Are you? The voice asked smarmily.
Not at all, Lavi responded. For some reason, he felt completely comfortable
with the fact that he was probably schizophrenic.
You’re not—oh, whatever, I’ll be gone in a while anyway. The voice sounded
weary and almost sad. Lavi was about to question him when the real world called
out to him.
“Lavi! Lavi, helloooo?” An Irish accent asked, and a hand was waving annoyingly
in front of his eye.
“Eh? Oh, hi, Darcy,” Lavi said, adopting an Irish accent himself. It felt far
more natural than any other accent he’d taken on during his life, and he always
enjoyed speaking with it.
“Lavi, what happened to your eye?” Darcy’s face looked worried. The man’s blue
eyes were piercing despite looking rather cloudy and vacant.
Lavi brought a hand up to his right eye and noted his eye patch was missing.
“Oh,” he said, but he couldn’t seem to make himself feel embarrassed,
“shrapnel.” He walked past the other man, heading back to the room. He needed
more of the smell. The garment he carried was no longer enough.
“Wait!” A hand landed on his shoulder, but Lavi continued walking before the
grip could restrain him. A moment later, he heard Darcy’s familiar gait behind
him, and he resigned himself to allowing the man to follow him.
He reached the room quickly and tossed his toothbrush on the floor. Flopping
backwards on the bed, he grabbed the pillow and flipped it over, covering his
face with it. The smell surrounded him again, and he began to relax slightly.
The door opened, and Darcy entered. Lavi raised up a hand and waved it in
greeting.
“Are you alright?” The man asked. Lavi gave him the “okay” sign that offended
most Germans. “You don’t seem alright. Want anything?” Lavi shooed him away
with a flick of his hand. The Irishman didn’t leave, though. “Mind if I stay?”
He asked, and not caring for Lavi’s answer, he hunkered down. It appeared Lavi
had no say in the matter. But after a while, he ceased to care, because the
smell lulled him into a peaceful sleep.
---
August 31, 2013, 7:30 AM—A Hospital in New York
Sweat dropped from his very warm hand. There was something very hot in it, and
he realized with a shot of dread that someone was holding his hand. Yuu pried
his eyes open and saw, to his horror, that it wasn’t just one person. The
American President’s hand was in his, and Lenalee’s rested atop of both of
theirs. He tugged his arm back gently, but the President held fast, even in his
sleep. Yuu tugged again, and when the President didn’t budge, he wrenched it
from the man’s grasp. Yuu shivered. He hated it when other people touched him.
The only exception seemed to be Lavi. For some reason, Lavi’s touches set him
on fire, made him crave the man like a drug. It was different from that
horrible pleasure he had felt at the hands of his father; it was something so
completely satisfying, and Yuu had never felt safer than he did when he was
with Lavi. Each time he thought about the other man, his stomach did a small
spasm, and every time Lavi touched him, his heart flew like a bird’s. And he
didn’t mind it. He wanted more of it, as far-fetched as that seemed.
A sharp pain in his chest jolted him from his reverie. He looked down and saw a
large, square bandage taped over the wound. He scowled at it.
“Why is it still there?” He hissed angrily to no one in particular. Frustrated,
he ripped the bandage off and was surprised to see a large, angry scab that was
verging on scar tissue. Yuu poked at it curiously.
“You shouldn’t be touching that,” a man’s voice said, and Yuu looked up into
the surprisingly close face of the American President.
“I’ll—fuck.” Yuu let out a steady stream of Japanese curses under his breath as
the wound started to ooze blood.
“As I said, it would be wise to stop touching the—” the American President
started, but Yuu paid him no heed.
“Why the hell haven’t I healed yet?” Yuu pondered aloud angrily, looking around
the room for a pitcher of water. He saw one on his bedside table and pulled it
over. Wetting the edge of his bedclothes, Yuu began to wipe the blood off of
the barely-healed hole in his chest.
Next to him, the President balked. “How long do you think you’ve been asleep?”
The man asked.
“Only a few hours, I presume, judging by the darkness,” he stated, looking the
man in the eyes for the first time. The black man raised his eyebrows
curiously.
“My body heals abnormally fast and breaks down narcotics and other harmful
drugs,” he mentioned. He noticed an ache in his head, and he brought a hand up
to it. Pain struck down at his skull like a drum, and Yuu cursed once more.
“Why does my head hurt so much?” Unintentionally, he looked down at his chest
and found his answer. “Ah, priorities.”
“That’s a very interesting tattoo you have there, Mr. Kanda,” the President
commented.
Yuu snorted humorlessly. “It’s not a tattoo.”
The silence was broken by a song Yuu didn’t recognize.
“Sorry, Mr. Kanda, I have to take this—it’s my Secretary of State.” He flipped
up his phone. “Hi, Hillary. Yes. Uh-huh. But I’m standing vigil! Well, he woke
up, but—all right, I understand. I’ll be there as soon as Air Force One is
fueled again.” Turning back to Yuu, he closed his phone. “Sorry, we’ve got a
situation in Washington. They need me in the White House since over fifty
international leaders died yesterday, and we have no bodies to produce. They
told me they think they separated their ashes properly, though.” He smiled
mirthlessly. Shaking his wife gently to rouse her, he quickly explained the
situation, and they got up to leave. At the door, he turned around and smiled
genuinely at Yuu. “Oh, and Mr. Kanda—thank you for saving my life.”
Yuu nodded in acceptance, and a moment of understanding passed through their
connected eyes. “I would have done it even if I hadn’t known that I would
survive,” he said. But, he added to himself, it was the first time I was glad I
was going to live. His thoughts went to Lavi for a second, and that clenching
feeling in his stomach returned. Yes, he was definitely very, very glad to have
lived through that.
“I’ll never forget it.” The American President closed the door with a parting
wave, and Yuu listened to them walk away until their footsteps were out of his
range of hearing. Which wasn’t very far.
Lenalee stirred lightly, and Yuu looked over at her. She had a blanket overtop
her, and from the way she was leaning over his lap now, it seemed like she had
been there for a while. He sighed. Lenalee had always worried about him. He
shifted over to the far end of the bed, and the wound opened completely as he
picked Lenalee up to put her on his bed next to him.
“Kuso,” he hissed. Lenalee’s eyes fluttered, and she let out a waking sigh.
“Kanda…-kun?” She asked as her eyes squinted open. Then, she sat bolt upright
and threw her arms around him. Yuu stiffened for a moment, but he didn’t move
back. “I’m so glad you’re alright!” She said, her voice high with relief. Yuu
felt tears hit his chest. He sighed, and looking away, he brought up a hand and
patted the top of her head. She froze and pulled back, looking horrified.
“I’m so sorry, Kanda-kun!” She squeaked, her hands covering her mouth. Yuu was
confused for a moment. “I didn’t mean to break my promise!” She jumped off of
the bed and ran to the door.
As she opened it to rush out, Yuu realized what she was talking about. “Wait,”
he said. Lenalee stopped and turned to look at him.
“What is it, Kanda-kun?” She asked, a worried look now pinching her features.
“I didn’t think you remembered,” he said softly, looking at his lap and
resisting the urge to play with his hands.
“I’d never forget,” Lenalee said brightly before leaving, presumably to go back
to Moyashi’s room. The door opened a second later, and Lenalee poked her face
in through the crack. “Oh, and I’m glad you’re alright, Kanda-kun.” She smiled
at him and then left. This time, the door did not open again.
Yuu sighed and sat back in the bed, wiping his wound again with the wet sheets.
Hopefully, it would be healed enough for him to leave in a few hours.
---
August 31, 2013, 5:03 PM—A Hospital in New York
The photographer went up to the front desk again. He had been refused entry the
day before, so he had come back. The Exorcists needed to know about this.
“What do you need?” The receptionist asked, chomping loudly on a large wad of
gum.
“Uh, yes, I was here yesterday about seeing the Exorcists. I—”
“No one is allowed to see them. Their presence here is supposed to be
confidential,” the receptionist cut him off.
“Listen, I have reason to believe that one of them was kidnapped.” The lady
rolled her eyes and blew a bubble. “Fine, you know what, just tell one of them
I need to speak to them.”
“No, now step out of line, sir, there are others behind you with actual
questions that need answerin’.” The photographer scowled.
“I need to see the Exorcists. I have important information!” The photographer
yelled. He felt someone poke him, and he turned around. He nearly jumped back
into the high side of the desk.
In front of him was one of the Exorcists. She had brown hair and brown eyes.
Her jacket was torn and burned in places, but she kept it on. The photographer
wondered why she hadn’t changed out of it yet.
“You need to talk to us?” she questioned, and the photographer nodded. “Well,
come with me!” She grabbed his wrist and led him through a labyrinth of
corridors. She turned into one of the rooms, and he followed her. Inside, the
photographer saw the entire group of Exorcists. One of them was restrained to a
bed, another was unconscious, and a third was in a wheelchair, but the rest of
them sat in chairs, looking only slightly battered. All of them wore Exorcist
jackets, excepting the two in bed.
“—weren’t we supposed to leave yesterday? Besides General Chu, we’re all fit to
travel, and he can follow once he’s well enough. He’s a General; he can take
care of himself. I don’t see why we can’t just go home,” said the very
effeminate man who was restrained to the bed. He looked rather disgruntled. The
photographer placed him immediately as the one who had been in the worst
condition the previous night. He had gotten great pictures of the man being
pierced through the chest with a large spike. He didn’t understand how the man
had survived, let alone up and about, ready to travel.
“That’s the first time you’ve called it home, Kanda-kun,” a girl with hair to
her mid-back smiled. Her jacket was different from everyone else’s (except the
old man in the wheelchair), with gold trimming rather than white. The Exorcist
he had followed giggled and replied,
“He only calls it home because Lavi’s there,” she snickered, covering her smile
with a small hand.
The old man in the wheelchair cackled, but his expression soon sobered.
Clearing his throat, he said, “is that everybody, then?”
The man on the bed looked around. “Where’s the stupid druggie?” He asked,
sounding annoyed. The photographer didn’t understand, but he raised his hand a
bit and stepped out from behind the Exorcist he had followed.
“Er, that’s what I’m here about.” He turned to the restrained man. “I assume
you’re talking about the blonde, Mediterranean girl?” he asked, and the other
man nodded sharply. “You may want to see these pictures.”
The old man in the wheelchair turned around, and the photographer dropped his
camera in surprise. The old man could not have been older than seventeen or
eighteen, just a young boy. He wheeled over to the photographer and leaned over
to pick the camera up. He looked confused at the device, and the girl the
photographer had followed sighed exasperatedly, rolling her eyes.
“Gimme that, Allen,” she said, taking the camera and opening the viewfinder.
She flipped through the pictures, her eyes widening the longer she looked.
Gravely, she handed it to Allen and explained to him how to work it. Pressing
one solitary button, the mini-recording played, and the rest of the Exorcists
quickly crowded around the boy.
“Che. Moyashi, when you’re finished, hand it over,” the bedridden man said.
“It’s Allen,” the white-haired boy bit out, looking away from the video for a
second, scowling at the man.
“Whatever,” the man said, glaring back.
“Did anyone catch what she mouthed? I can’t read lips,” the boy said. The
Chinese girl on his right, the one with the long, mid-back-length hair, had
tears running down her face.
“I think that was ‘help me,’” she said, her voice breaking. The boy
surreptitiously slipped his free hand into hers. They were an item, then. That
was good to know—the papers would love to hear about the Exorcists’ love lives.
“Wait—I can’t see,” said a pale man with blond hair and blue eyes. The white-
haired boy—Allen—handed him the camera, and the man replayed the video. He
blanched and paused it halfway through. “That’s Noah’s Strength,” he said in a
flat monotone, his voice schooled and restrained, as if he was trying to keep
himself from crying.
“Are you sure?” The Chinese girl asked, and the man nodded gravely.
“I would never forget the man who killed my sister,” he said.
“Those are Road’s doors, right?” The girl he had followed asked, and the boy
Allen nodded.
“They don’t look like an entrance to the Ark, so I assume they’re some of
Road’s,” the boy confirmed. “I wonder if she was here, too.”
“No,” said the restrained man from the bed. The other Exorcists shot him
questioning looks, and he sighed. “She would have tried to see Moyashi,” he
explained in an exasperated voice.
“It’s Allen—and yeah, you’re probably right.” The white-haired boy shuddered,
and the Chinese girl next to him rubbed his back soothingly, muttering
something the photographer couldn’t hear.
“Well, what do we do?” The girl he had followed asked. She looked terribly
worried, and it struck the photographer that perhaps the two had been good
friends.
He noticed how the Allen and the Chinese girl exchanged significant glances,
nodding in agreement after a moment. The photographer was blown away by the
entire silent conversation—it had been a long time since he’d been close enough
to someone to understand through a small series of glimpses at the other’s
face.
“I’ll call the Director and have him get us an airplane for this evening,” the
white-haired boy said. The photographer realized that he must have been the
leader. Perhaps he was much older than he seemed. The others nodded, looking
uneasy. The girl he had followed crossed her arms across her chest and
shuddered. He saw the blond man pull her into a gentle, friendly hug. He
whispered something to her, and she nodded, sniffing, and flipped her phone
open. A moment later, she was crying into it, and the photographer tried not to
overhear what she was saying—from the facial expressions she was making, she
had just called her boyfriend. The blond man then went over to the dark-haired
lady who had not participated in the conversation. They stood a foot or two
apart, but there was a palpable tension between them. He held out a hand and
placed it on her arm. The photographer was struck by the perfectness of the
moment, and he grabbed out his second camera, snapping a picture a moment
later. Thankfully, the flash was off. No one even noticed him taking it.
“How are you doing, Kanda-kun?” The Chinese girl asked to the man on the bed.
He scoffed and looked down his hospital gown.
“It’s fully healed, I think, though the scar is still unsightly,” he reported,
prodding his chest a few times. The Chinese girl nodded, but before she turned
away, he added, “where are my clothes?” The Chinese girl chuckled but pointed
to a shelf beneath his bed.
“Shall I take Chu’s time?” The brown-haired woman asked, and the photographer
looked over at her as she activated her Innocence. He had seen it at work on
the battlefield, but seeing it up close was completely different. As yellow
rings surrounded the unconscious man, he saw the wounds heal. The man stirred
and blinked. He sat bolt upright.
“Where’re the Akuma!” He shouted, looking around wildly. A moment later, his
posture relaxed, and he breathed in a deep breath. “Are we leaving, then?” He
asked, and the brown-haired woman nodded. “I assume I’m in horrible health at
the moment?” The woman nodded again, and the man sighed.
“Hatsudou.”
The photographer looked over at the long-haired man in time to see him activate
his Innocence.
“Kaichu: Ichigen,” he muttered, and the blade dissolved, turning into strange,
bug-like creatures. They flew out and gnawed at the man’s restraints until he
was free. Carelessly, he threw on his clothes and waited for the other
bedridden man to do the same.
Allen stood up from the wheelchair, stretching as he did so. “That was such a
hassle,” he groaned, and the Chinese girl looked on sympathetically. A moment
later, he grabbed her hand, and the two of them led the way out. They still had
his camera.
“Wait!” He shouted after them, reaching out an arm imploringly. “My camera!”
“Sorry,” the white-haired boy said, turning around and grimacing. “We need to
show this to the Director. If you want, you can tag along. You still need to
explain what you were doing in the UN building, anyway.”
“How’d you know I was…?”
“Amanda told me while she was explaining how to use the camera. She flipped
through the pictures of the battle, as you may recall.”
The photographer flushed. “May I come along?” He asked after a moment of
silence.
“Since you’re not an Akuma, I don’t see a problem with that. You’ll have to pay
for your own ticket back, though.”
“Fair enough,” the photographer said, nodding. He made enough money to be able
to afford a one-way ticket.
---
August 31, 2013, 11:50 PM—Holiday Inn
The hot water ran soothingly down his sore, overtaxed muscles, and Yuu could do
nothing but sigh in relief. He grabbed the bottle of shampoo from the lip of
the bathtub and poured half of it into his hand. He scrubbed at his head
furiously, trying to rid himself of the crust of the mayonnaise, ketchup,
mustard, and blood that matted his hair together. Growling, he cursed the
inattentiveness of the hospital staff. It would take him at least an hour to
get it all out, if he was lucky. His hair did not seem to want to come apart,
though, so after he used up the rest of the bottle on the effort, he gave up
and washed himself off quickly.
Stepping out of the shower, Yuu grabbed a towel. He examined it. Why were hotel
towels so damn small? Yuu wanted to run the manager through with Mugen, but he
resisted the urge, instead wrapping the towel around his thin waist. He
straightened his back and walked out, hair still matted and filled with filth.
As he walked into the main room, Amanda—he had been stuck with her again—turned
around. Her morose face froze and turned into one of slight horror as she saw
him. It was gone in a moment, though, replaced with a blank mask akin to the
one that Lavi sometimes wore.
“Do you have shampoo?” He asked, averting his eyes.
“Isn’t there some in there?” The Infernal Girl asked. Yuu scoffed.
“I used it all—the stupid hospital staff neglected to wash my hair.”
To his surprise, the idiot American snorted. “Well, that was your fault, Yuu-
pyon,” she said. The name grated on his nerves, but he ignored it. He needed to
understand what she was saying.
“Don’t call me that,” he bit out. “And what do you mean, ‘it’s my fault?’”
“Well, when they were undressing you, they got your shirt off fine, but when
they got to your pants… well, your Innocence activated and pinned a man to the
wall through his arm.”
“I didn’t activate my Innocence,” Yuu said blankly, “and that doesn’t explain
why they didn’t wash my hair.”
“Well, a nurse tried to do that, too. She was a sweet thing, I feel so bad for
her. You see, Kanda, your Innocence activated again and shot through the hand
that was on your head. Lucky for you, the doctors say she’ll make a full
recovery, but you have some apology letters to write when you get back.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Yuu said through gritted teeth. What sort of delusions
were these?
“Perhaps it was your Innocence reacting to your unconscious wishes since you
couldn’t at the time?” Amanda asked. Yuu shrugged and held out his hand.
“Whatever. The shampoo.”
The Infernal Girl rolled her eyes, but she went into the suitcase she’d been
packing and handed him a half-filled bottle. Turning on his bare heel, he
stalked back into the shower, grabbing his hairbrush on the way.
He re-emerged a half an hour later fully dressed and with the towel on his
head, drying his hair. Amanda was on the phone, and she sounded dangerously
close to tears. Yuu sighed in frustration and fell onto the bed, allowing
himself to relax, if only for a moment. Then he got up and began packing his
own Order-provided suitcase. Ten minutes later, he was finished, and he and
Amanda were walking down to catch the taxi to the airport.
---
September 1, 2013, 2:15 AM—JFK Airport
Lenalee stood behind him as Allen checked out each employee. The plane had
thankfully been fueled before they’d taken over the flight, forcing all
civilians off. The Director had found them a red-eye flight directly to London.
It left at 2:45 AM, and they would arrive in London roughly eight hours later.
Their estimated time of arrival was 3:45 PM, London time.
A flash went off again, and Lenalee turned to see the photographer taking yet
another picture. Thankfully, Amanda had brought her computer with her, and she
had been able to put the photographs on it as a backup. She had even put them
on something she had called her “junk drive,” whatever that was. Lenalee hadn’t
asked. Still, she was starting to get annoyed at the frequency with which the
photographer snapped shots.
She surveyed the group of Exorcists, all of whom looked rejected—with the
exception of Kanda-kun, who looked severely annoyed. He stared loathingly at
Amanda, who was bawling unceremoniously into her phone.
“Daaaarcy! She was my bestest friend, and now I’ve lost ‘er, ‘cause there’s no
way in hell she’ll be able to survive this, and I don’t know what I’ll fuckin’
do without herrrrrr!” Amanda wailed into the phone. Lenalee felt tears prickle
in her eyes, and she stifled them, walking over to Allen for some comfort.
As they sat on the air conditioned plane, Lenalee felt a bit chilled, so she
leaned into Allen, who had just taken a seat next to her. He grabbed her around
the arms and pulled her close, and despite the shiver that ran through her
body, Lenalee felt much better.
---
September 1, 2013, 10:17 AM—The Dark Order, Yuu’s Room
“Lavi, you need to take a shower,” Darcy ordered as Lavi sighed once again.
“Are you saying I stink?” Lavi pouted.
“Yes, now take a shower, or I’ll spray you.” The Irishman held up a aerosol can
of some sort, and Lavi read Febreze on the side in a bubbly font.
“What’s that?” Lavi asked.
“It’s air freshener,” Darcy replied simply, and he pressed down on the nozzle.
A noxious spray of lavender-smelling liquid emerged from the can, and Lavi
coughed heavily as he breathed it in. “It’s used to make bad things smell
better.”
Lavi glared at the man. Abruptly, Darcy’s cell phone began to ring. “Oh, it’s
Amanda,” he said, his face lighting up. Before flipping the top of the phone,
he pointed at Lavi. “Go take a shower,” he ordered him, and then he answered
his phone.
Reluctantly, Lavi left the room with a towel in hand. He sulked the entire way
to the shower. He couldn’t remember what was bothering him, but he did know
that something should have happened yesterday, something very important. There
was no sun, and he was so cold, but something about yesterday was supposed to
make him warm again. Instead, it had been very, very icy.
The water didn’t warm him, and he began to shiver involuntarily the longer he
stood under it. His chest was frozen, and by the time Lavi left the shower, his
teeth were clacking together so rapidly it sounded like a tiny drum roll. Not
bothering to dress himself, he wore the towel back to his room, where he found
himself a pair of clothes. He dropped his towel unceremoniously on top of his
orange shag rug (which was still a bit stained with blood on the other side)
and left for Yuu’s room.
“—Eathe in deeply now, ‘kay, Amanda? It’ll be okay, just calm down, can you do
that for me? Yes, I know… I know, and I’m sorry, baby, but there’s nothing you
can do until you get—aw, I’m sorry, babe. Here, just stay on the phone with me
for as long as you can, and when you get back, I’ll hold you all night, ‘kay?
Yeah, I know, I love you, too.”
Lavi’s chest ached, a deep, throbbing ache that made it impossible for him to
breathe. He gasped in a breath and then another, but no air was getting to his
lungs, like it was being diverted to his stomach instead. His head felt light,
and it spun. He turned abruptly and left the room. His eye hurt, stung, but he
didn’t understand why. He just needed to be alone, maybe go to sleep. Because
whatever was important hadn’t happened, and now Darcy was saying those three
words he had never heard, and it hurt a bit, because not even his sun—back when
his sun was there—had told him that.
I wish I knew what was supposed to happen, he thought.
Yuu was supposed ta come back, said a voice in his head. Lavi was confused. Who
was Yuu?
Voice, its cold, he complained as he walked back into his room. It smelled of
dust and books, but Lavi didn’t want dust and books; he wanted cinnamon. And
lotuses.
I know, Lavi, I know. But don’t worry, very soon you’ll warm up, I’m sure of
it, the voice said, trying and failing to sound comforting, because Lavi knew
he would never be able to stop shivering. The world was just too cold without
his sun. It didn’t help that the voice sounded unsure of himself.
Why must you take everythin' with a grain of salt, Lavi? I mean, I know I do,
but still… be a little optimistic for once—God, I can’t believe I’m sayin'
that. The voice did the equivalent of a mental headshake before shrugging his
shoulders. Lavi was surprised to feel his own shoulders lift as well, but he
didn’t particularly care. His bed was there, so he lay down on it. It smelled
and felt unused, but he didn’t care. Even though it was freezing, his bed
offered a small amount of comfort, and he took it.
You should get some sleep—I’m exhausted, and when you can’t sleep, I can’t,
either, the voice said, and Lavi growled, furrowing his brow in slight anger.
Shut up, Voice. I don’t want to sleep. It’s too cold. I’ll die of hypothermia.
No, you won’t… unless this is your way of keepin' yourself alive… I wouldn’t
know. But please, Lavi, don’t get suicidal, ‘cause Yuu’ll get really mad at us
if we try again, the voice admonished.
Who is this Yuu person you keep mentioning, and why is he so damned important?
Lavi demanded.
'E’s warm, the voice replied vaguely, and Lavi sighed, knowing he would get
nothing more from the voice. Already, he was starting to feel its presence slip
away, and he groaned as it left his head, making him feel even colder.
He stared at the clock on his wall for lack of anything better to do. He
counted off the seconds with the thin, red hand… “One, two, three, four…” The
clock ticked steadily on, and the long black hand circled around several times.
The little black hand moved slower, but Lavi counted that, too. It had started
a bit above the four, and now it was nearly to the seven. Still, he counted,
and he didn’t stop. It soothed his raging mind and calmed his chills, and Lavi
felt himself fall into a tiny stupor. He needed to just forget everything,
because there was something very painful that he was going to think about soon…
No, Lavi, don’t youdaredo this again. Stop doin' this. 'Ere, talk ta me—I’m
sure Yuu will be back soon, and then you can talk with 'im, and 'e’ll make you
feel much better, warm, even. The voice was back, and it snapped Lavi from his
stupor. Lavi growled at it.
Voice! Why did you do that? I was feeling better! Lavi shouted.
No, you weren’t. Just don’t do that, because it makes it very hard for me ta
control myself, and we can’t try to jump again, as much as we may want ta.
Lavi had no idea what he was talking about, but the idea of jumping appealed
very much to him.
NO! Don’t think that, dammit! Goddammit, Yuu, get your fuckin' ass home and fix
this mess that is, somehow or other, the dominant personality!
Lavi tried to ignore the stupid voice, but it wouldn’t stop wailing, so he
began to yell, hoping to drown it out. It worked, to an extent, until the voice
got louder, so Lavi stepped up his volume, too.
His door slammed open, and Darcy stepped in, and for some reason, Lavi felt
just a little better. Perhaps it was that the voice had shut up, or maybe it
was because there was another physical human here, and Lavi needed someone
there to stay grounded, but whatever the reason was, he felt better the second
he saw the ginger man.
“Lavi, what’s wrong?” Darcy asked. His phone was pressed to his chest, and Lavi
heard a tinny sound coming from it.
“Voice wouldn’t go away,” Lavi said defensively. He felt Darcy’s arms come
around his for a moment, but it didn’t feel quite right. It didn’t warm him up
properly, and Lavi shivered with the returning cold. The man pulled back as the
phone started screeching.
“Darcy? Darcy?” The phone said, and Lavi recognized it as Amanda. Of course it
would be Amanda. Darcy had called her “baby,” and he’d told her “I love you.”
“Sorry, babe, I have to go—erm, Lavi’s… having… another breakdown, I think,” he
replied, putting the phone back to his ear.
“Do you want me to get Yuu-san?” The phone-Amanda replied urgently.
“Who’s Yuu-san? Voice keeps mentioning this ‘Yuu’ person, and I don’t
understand what he’s talking about,” Lavi said, staring confusedly up at Darcy.
“Er, sure.”
“Kanda, here’s the phone.”
“Why do I care?” Lavi’s attention twitched a bit.
“Because Lavi’s on the phone, you cold bastard.”
“So?”
“Darcy says he’s having another breakdown or something.”
“Give it to me.” The second voice sounded oddly familiar, but Lavi couldn’t
place it.
Darcy put the phone to Lavi’s ear, and he grabbed it mechanically. “Hello?” He
asked desolately.
“Lavi?” The phone asked.
“Who is this?” There was a pause on the other end.
“What do you mean, ‘who is this,’ Baka Usagi!” Lavi’s attention was grabbed for
a moment, picked up like a loop on a crochet hook, but it was dropped just as
easily as a stitch.
“I mean, I have no idea who’s talking. Everyone keeps mentioning this Yuu
person or this Kanda person, and I have no idea who they’re talking about, and
I wish Voice would shut up, and I suddenly understand what Allen is going
through with the Musician. Whoever you are, it’s annoying to have something
yelling at you all the time. Trust, me, I’d know.”
There was a clicking noise, and the call dropped. Lavi let the phone slip from
his hands. He went back to looking at the clock. There was nothing else to do.
He counted again, forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty…
Food wafted around him, and he ate it, still counting numbers. The little hand
was on the nine again. Someone was talking above him, but he didn’t care,
because the numbers were so interesting. Thirty-two, thirty-three, thirty-four…
When every hand hit the twelve, Lavi heard someone walk into the room. He
thought it was a very strange coincidence that his visitor happened to be there
at such an exact time. He didn’t look up to see who it was, though. He still
had numbers to count. One, two, three…
And so the clock kept moving on, and Lavi stayed still, and Voice wouldn’t shut
up, and there was the person who kept bothering him by talking and putting food
in front of his nose, feeding it to him as if he were a baby. Couldn’t the
person understand he didn’t feel like eating, that he wasn’t hungry? But the
clock was still so interesting, and all thought passed away again as the clock
hit thirteen, fourteen, fifteen…
The little hand had made it to the four. Nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-
two…
The little hand was nearly to the five, and then it was there, and then it was
slightly above it as the big hand descended toward the six, just like it had
for every other cycle. Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six—
There was a very strong smell of cinnamon, and lotuses hung behind it, muted by
the stronger scent. Lavi knew that scent, loved it, and he needed to see it. He
bypassed whoever was in his room—did that person shout, “where are you going?”
Lavi couldn’t tell—and he walked out, and there, against all odds, his sun was
walking toward him.
---
September 1, 2013—Somewhere Over the Atlantic Ocean
“…and I wish Voice would shut up, and I suddenly understand what Allen is going
through with the Musician. Whoever you are, it’s annoying to have something
yelling at you all the time. Trust, me, I’d know.”
Yuu had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He had since the moment he had heard
Lavi ask who he was. It was simply impossible that the man would forget, and
Yuu was very afraid that someone had scrambled his brains in a blender or
something similar.
The phone let out a small beep, but Yuu ignored it. “Lavi, I’m on my way back,”
he said, his voice holding a worry he was vaguely ashamed of. “Don’t do
anything stupid. I’ll never forgive you if you do.” He wouldn’t what? Yuu
berated himself in his mind. He sounded like such a fool, but Lavi was more
important than his pride or self-image, so he didn’t care. Even though he
didn’t like public displays of affection—if that’s what it could be called.
“Lavi?” He asked. The other man hadn’t responded in a while. “Lavi? Rabi? Baka
Usagi, answer me!” He didn’t realize that he’d switched back to his native
tongue.
“Um, Kanda?” The Infernal Girl (who Yuu supposed he was somewhat grateful to,
disgusting as that was) said tentatively.
“What?” he hissed, switching back to English.
“Uh, I think my phone’s dead. It beeped a second ago, and it’s been doing that
for a while,” she said, stepping back out of reach and looking vaguely scared.
“Then use one of the phones I saw at the front of the airplane,” he ordered
coldly.
The Infernal Girl twisted her hands together nervously, and she took on a
sheepish look. “Well, see, here’s the thing… uh, well, I… like, don’t know
Darcy’s number by heart. It’s… on my phone.”
Yuu sent her his iciest glare, and she actually flinched away from it, looking
terrified. She held up her hands in surrender, and Yuu threw the phone back at
her, hitting her square in the chest. Her hands came up to grab it, and Yuu
contented himself to staring out the window, brooding about Lavi’s condition
until they finally landed seven hours later.
The second the plane halted at the gate, Yuu ran up to Allen. “Grab my bag,
Moyashi,” he grunted as he passed the white-haired boy.
“It’s Allen!” Yuu heard as he streaked off the plane. He activated his
Innocence, more to make himself feel better than for any show of power, and he
dashed through the airport, following the exit signs until he was out in the
bright, evening sun.
“Kanda-kun!” Came a shout, and he turned around. Lenalee ran up to him, using
the enhanced power of her Dark Boots to reach him quickly. “What’s wrong?” She
panted as she came up next to him.
“We need a taxi,” he growled, ignoring her question. Lenalee seemed to
understand that he wasn’t angry at her, and she pulled a wad of cash out of her
pocket. She walked saucily up to the curb and held out her right hand. A taxi
pulled up within moments. Yuu stared in disbelief. He’d been trying to get one
for the past five minutes.
Lenalee talked briefly with the driver and then turned to him. “Kanda-kun, can
you put your sword away?” She implored him, and Yuu sighed and obeyed. He
didn’t care if he felt unprotected or worried. All that mattered was that he
get to Lavi right away.
“Wait!” Screeched Amanda, and she sprinted up and took a seat next to Lenalee.
Yuu stepped inside, and, making sure his jacket wouldn’t get stuck in the door,
he slammed it shut. He buckled himself in and held on to the nearest surface,
bracing himself for the fast ride back to Headquarters.
It was a mistake to take the lift, but Yuu knew logically that it was faster
than taking the steps. Still, he was pacing like a madman the entire way, and
his heart beat in absolute panic the whole time.
“Chillax, Yuu-pyon,” the Infernal Girl said, and Yuu growled at her menacingly.
She made an “eep!” noise and shut up. Yuu smirked. The girl was starting to
learn.
As soon as the lift stopped on the level with the Exorcists’ quarters, Yuu
sprinted out, only slowing his pace once he reached his corridor. He slowed his
breathing—Lavi would make fun of him if he appeared out of breath—and went to
his room. Opening the door, he was unsurprised to see it inhabited, but he was
surprised that Lavi wasn’t there. His heart picked up speed as icy dread spread
through his system, but he clamped down on it. No, Lavi could be in his room.
He slowly strode over to it, and the door opened as he approached.
Yuu immediately felt relieved. There was Lavi. He was a bit lost-looking, and
he seemed to have lost a little bit of weight, and his eye patch was gone, but
it was Lavi nonetheless. Yuu didn’t even realize it, but at some point, his
brain had told him to walk up to the other man, and they met halfway between
their rooms in a tight hug.
“Lavi,” he whispered into the other man’s ear, and the man shivered at it.
“Yuu,” Lavi said. Yuu immediately felt relief that the man recognized him. “The
doctor was wrong.” Yuu was mystified, but he would ask Lavi about it the next
day. He was exhausted from being awake so long—he hadn’t been able to rest at
all on the airplane—and from the bags under his eyes, Lavi hadn’t been sleeping
well, either.
Lavi rested his head on Yuu’s shoulder, and they both leaned against the wall,
falling until they were sitting on the cold, stone floor.
“So warm now that my sun is back,” Lavi mumbled, shifting so his head was on
Yuu’s shoulder. He snaked his hand into Yuu’s, and Yuu felt much warmer
himself. He felt the first waves of sleep wash over him, and he felt his head
lightly fall to rest on top of Lavi’s. For the first night in just about two
weeks, Yuu slept without nightmares.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: Darcy’s ringtone for Amanda is “Toxic” by Local H (listen to it,
     it’s phwoartastic—much better than Ol’ Brit-Brit’s version). So, as
     of next chapter, Lavi and Yuu’s breakdowns are both over! (although
     they will both still have lasting effects, they are essentially
     through the absolute worst of it, and they’ll never go back) We also
     have finished the set-up for the rest of the story, so now the plot
     movement really begins.
     That said, we’ve been deciding over the past few days what songs
     would go to which DGM characters. So far, we’ve got Kanda’s as “Seven
     Things,” Darcy’s as “I’m Too Sexy,” Amanda’s as Local H’s “Toxic,”
     Lenalee’s as “Lift” by Poets of the Fall and Allen’s as “Seven Nation
     Army” by The White Stripes. After much deliberation, we assigned
     Finger Eleven’s “One thing” to Lavi. We have yet to find a good one
     for Miranda and Lolek, though. We’ll find them, though. Eventually.
***** Sweet Transvestite *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_16—Sweet_Transvestite
September 2, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
It was the most adorable thing Lenalee had ever seen. Her chills had gotten
worse, and from the congestion and sore throat, Lenalee knew she was getting
sick. She walked back from breakfast, sniffing all the while, and decided to
take a small nap, hoping she’d feel better afterward. But the sight before her
had stopped her in her tracks, because it was just too cute.
Lying against the wall between their rooms sat Lavi and Kanda-kun, their faces
soft and relaxed in the clutches of sleep. She thought she heard a light snore
emerge from Lavi’s throat, but that could have been caused by his head’s
position on Kanda-kun’s shoulder, the older man’s head resting on his own. They
curled against each other with Lavi nearly on Kanda-kun’s lap. By far the
cutest thing, though, was their intertwined hands that sat on Lavi’s knee.
Lenalee had to prevent herself from melting at the endearing scene in front of
her. She heard footsteps nearby and tore her eyes away to see who was heading
toward her. It was Allen. He looked almost as bad as she did, and his nose
dripped. Wiping it away with his sleeve, he caught sight of her.
“Hey, Lenalee,” he called, holding a hailing hand out. Lenalee smiled and
turned her attention back to the two sleeping Exorcists; Allen’s gaze followed
her own, and a mischievous grin darkened his features.
“What have we here?” He asked, his voice low and full of humor.
“Looks like Kanda-kun was more tired than he thought,” Lenalee said, grinning.
“This would be cute if they weren’t both guys,” Allen muttered, his voice back
to normal.
“What are you talking about Allen? I think it’s cute to see two guys bonding as
friends!” She exclaimed innocently, even though she really the true dynamic of
their relationship. She kept up the innocent personality for Allen's sake and
her innocence normally kept men with less than savory intentions away. The
white-haired boy snorted.
“Lenalee,” Allen said in a tone that implied she had missed something very
important, “they aren’t just friends.”
“What do you mean, Allen?” Lenalee asked, her brow furrowing in mock curiosity.
“Don’t you remember how Lavi kissed Kanda? That means a little more than
friendship.”
“I thought Lavi was just joking. I mean, he’s kissed Kanda-kun before, as a
joke.” Lenalee pretended to be mystified.
“This is a friendly kiss,” Allen said, leaning down and pecking her lightly on
the forehead, Lenalee’s heart skipped a beat. “This is a more-than-friendly
kiss.” He lightly touched his lips to hers; she felt her face burn like it was
on fire. She didn’t know what to say.
“Allen…” Lenalee said softly, still in shock. “Why did you kiss me?”
Her white-haired Exorcist blushed and looked away. “I, er, well, because… you
seemed to – to need a demonstration… or something,” he stammered out.
Lenalee felt disappointed.
“Oh… I see. Well, er, thanks, Allen,” she stammered back, blushing so hard that
she thought her head would catch fire. “Well, er, I’m not feeling so well, so I
think I’ll, erm, go back to my room. See you later, Allen…” Her voice drifted
off, and she turned and walked very quickly to her room, flopping on the bed
the second she reached it. She didn’t bother to get undressed.
---
The sun was at the crux of its position in the sky above Lavi’s personal, rock-
covered beach. Waves crashed peacefully nearby, and Lavi soaked in the rays
with his head facing the bright heavens. His sun was there, and everything was
alright again. Lavi smiled lazily and sighed happily.
The noise brought him back to the real world, though it took him a moment to
resituate himself. He was on the cold, stone floor, but he was remarkably warm
despite that fact. Yuu’s left hand was in his right, which put his sun in his
blind spot. He couldn’t move, though, not without waking the other man. He also
couldn’t move his head to gaze on the man he loved, as said man was currently
using his head as a pillow. Lavi smiled, chuckling softly. It didn’t matter if
he could see Yuu or not. It was simply enough to know he was there, to feel the
other man’s presence next to him. He took Yuu’s other hand, which had fallen to
the floor at some point, and wrapped it around his shoulder. Perhaps Yuu
wouldn’t thank him later, as the man hated being touched, but Lavi needed the
contact. If he couldn’t see his sun, he at least needed to feel him.
Lavi’s sun stirred, and the weight of his head stopped resting on Lavi’s. He
looked up and saw the disoriented face of the man he had missed so much. Yuu
looked down at Lavi and grunted. He stood up, pulling Lavi with him and,
stumbling a little from what Lavi assumed were the pins and needles in his
legs, led them back into his room. Lavi smelled the familiar sharp scent of
cinnamon with the underlying sweet scent of lotuses, and he immediately felt at
home. Yuu sat Lavi down on his bed and proceeded to throw off his Exorcist
jacket and pants. He joined Lavi on the bed, clad only in a tight shirt and
boxers.
In unspoken agreement, they lay down, stretching out their sore muscles. Lavi
wrapped his arms tightly around Yuu’s clothed chest and nuzzled his head into
the junction of Yuu’s shoulder. He felt Yuu shift so his right arm was at the
back of Lavi’s head. His left arm moved around Lavi’s waist. Lavi smiled
contentedly, and sleep claimed him once more.
He awoke to Yuu’s hair tickling his chest. Prying an eye open, he was surprised
to find the other man leaning over him. Lavi took a deep intake of breath as
Yuu took his left hand and ran it down his cheek.
“Yuu?” He asked, his voice still heavy with sleep. The other man’s eyes
widened, and he pulled his hand back, turning away. “What was that?” He
wondered why Yuu was acting so grossly out of character, not that he was really
complaining. That caress—and that’s what it had been, somehow—had felt very
good, and Lavi’s chest swelled with it.
The man looked away determinedly. “You… were whining in your sleep,” he said
awkwardly.
“I was?”
“Yes, it woke me up.” Yuu shot him a glare that Lavi was sure the other man
didn’t mean.
“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. Yuu grunted.
There was an awkward silence, the first one Lavi had ever experienced with Yuu.
Suddenly, the older man spoke. “How could you forget who I am?” He asked
incredulously, and Lavi could have sworn he’d heard a note of genuine hurt in
the man’s voice.
It was Lavi’s turn to look away. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he muttered
under his breath, his voice muffled by the pillow he had pulled up to cover his
face. Yuu grabbed the pillow roughly and threw it to the other side of the
room. He looked legitimately angry.
“You had me fucking worried, Baka!” He growled loudly, taking Lavi’s chin in
his hand and forcing him to look at the older man. Lavi refused to meet eyes—or
eye, or whatever—with Yuu. He didn’t know how to react. Yuu growled.
“Sorry,” he whispered, and he meant it. Apparently, that wasn’t good enough,
and Yuu forced his face up, his fingers like a vice. Actually, they were
starting to hurt, but Lavi didn’t particularly care. Yuu was there, and that
was all that mattered.
“Look me in the eye if you mean it,” Yuu yelled. Lavi’s eye widened. He hadn’t
expected Yuu to raise his voice. He repeated his sentiment, this time gazing
straight at the man he loved. “Now tell me what that fucking psychiatrist did
to you.”
“What?” Lavi asked, shocked.
“You’re… all wrong,” Yuu said angrily, though Lavi knew the emotion wasn’t
aimed at him.
“I—what?” Lavi was very confused.
Yuu sighed angrily. “You didn’t say ‘good morning,’ you haven’t jumped me—it’s
like you don’t really think I’m here. You—” Yuu broke off with a frustrated
scoff. Taking another breath, he continued, “you… aren’t acting like yourself.
You’re not even acting like ‘Lavi.’”
Lavi thought he heard another note of real worry in Yuu’s voice.
“I… I remembered who I was,” Lavi said in a hushed tone, pulling his legs to
his chest and wrapping his arms around them.
“Nani?”
“My name was Liam, Liam Flynn—my father and mother sold me to Bookman,” Lavi
explained.
“Do you want me to call you that?” Yuu asked, leaning over Lavi a bit more.
Lavi unhooked his hands and brought one up to the ends of Yuu’s hair.
“No,” he said. Yuu shot him a curious look. “I’m Lavi. I haven’t been Liam
since I was six. I… don’t think I could ever be him again. I’ve seen too much.”
He wasn’t looking at the other man, but his hands remained steadfastly in Yuu’s
hair.
“What else did the psychiatrist do to you?” Yuu asked suspiciously.
“He made Voice appear,” Lavi replied, still looking away.
“Voice?” Yuu questioned.
“He’s not one of my personas; he just showed up, and he talks to me sometimes,”
Lavi explained. Yuu scowled.
Lavi didn’t want to see that look, so he tried to hide. Suddenly, he felt
himself slipping… where was he going?
---
Whining. A high-pitched keen that pulled Yuu right from the peaceful dream he
was having. His eyes snapped open, and he decided to yell at whoever was
whining and tell them to stop it, because it was interrupting his sleep. He
felt air through the shirt on his chest and looked down. A bright shock of red
hair was pillowed there, and the noise was coming from it. Yuu shifted the
other Exorcist so he was lying on his back and leaned over him. Lavi’s face was
screwed up in something akin to panic, and Yuu reached a hand out without
meaning to, running it down the man’s cheek.
The look melted away, and as Yuu brought his hand back to stroke Lavi’s cheek
again, he realized the other man’s uninjured eye was open.
“Yuu?” He said. His voice was very thick, and it snapped Yuu out of whatever
spell he was under. He pulled his hand back like it had been burned and turned
away. “What was that?”
Couldn’t the rabbit leave him alone? He didn’t want to be called out on caring.
It was annoying. And troublesome. “You… were whining in your sleep,” he
replied, looking anywhere but at Lavi.
“I was?” Lavi asked curiously, and Yuu struggled not to scoff.
“Yes,” he said. “It woke me up.” He was still angry about that.
“Sorry,” Lavi said softly, and Yuu grunted in acknowledgment. Perhaps he could
forgive the idiot for waking him. They lapsed into silence, for which Yuu was
thankful.
But then he realized something. Lavi was not acting right. For one, the other
man was silent. It hung in the air around them, suffocating them both. All the
while, Lavi didn’t shift from his position. Regardless of whether he was
himself or “Lavi,” the other man was always moving, as if staying still would
literally kill him. And that brought up another point. Just what had Lavi been
thinking the night before? The more he thought of it, the angrier he got, and
all of a sudden, he found himself turning back to the other man.
“How could you forget who I am?” He asked accusingly, stopping himself from
pointing rudely at the redhead.
Lavi turned away, and Yuu found his curiosity piqued by such an action.
Lavi—the real Lavi—was always very frank. He never looked away from Yuu, not
for a second. He pulled a pillow up to cover his face, and Yuu wanted to bat it
away.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lavi muttered. Yuu could barely understand
him, muted as the redhead’s voice was by the pillow. Yuu shot him an angry
look, wrestling the pillow from Lavi’s grip. He threw it to the other side of
the room, not particularly caring where it landed.
“You had me fucking worried, Baka!” He growled, before he could stop himself,
his voice too loud. He took Lavi’s chin between his thumb and forefinger and
wrenched it to face him. Lavi didn’t meet his eyes, and Yuu growled. Lavi
shifted uncomfortably, the first movement he’d made since he had awoken.
“Sorry,” the man whispered. Yuu sensed a note of sincerity, but he couldn’t
stand Lavi not meeting his gaze. Because Lavi always looked him in the eye,
always told him everything frankly and point-blank. He pulled Lavi’s face up a
bit.
“Look me in the eye if you mean it!” He yelled. He hadn’t meant to raise his
voice, but Lavi was just so wrong that it was infuriating him. What had
happened while he had been away? Thankfully, Lavi looked at him as he spoke
this time, and Yuu drank in the sight of the man’s striking green eye. He had
missed it, somehow. “Now tell me what that fucking psychiatrist did to you,” he
ordered.
“What?” Lavi’s voice was shocked, as if he didn’t understand the conversation
jump.
“You’re… all wrong,” Yuu said, and he couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice
anymore.
“I—what?”
Yuu sighed in frustration. “You didn’t say ‘good morning,’” he explained, “you
haven’t jumped me—it’s like you don’t really think I’m here. You—“ Yuu scoffed.
He didn’t quite know how to explain it. He breathed in deeply and continued as
best he could, “you… aren’t acting like yourself. You’re not even acting like
‘Lavi.’” Damn it, he sounded worried.
“I… I remembered who I was,” Lavi said quietly after a moment, and he pulled
his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. Yuu stared. That was a
mannerism he had never seen before. Lavi had never felt the need to protect
himself like that, not like Yuu had.
“Nani?” He found himself saying, still trying to comprehend the change in
Lavi’s body language.
“My name was Liam, Liam Flynn—my father and mother sold me to Bookman.” Lavi’s
voice was flat, and Yuu recognized it as the voice he used to report things to
his former master. He was keeping emotions at bay, then. Yuu wasn’t sure
whether he was relieved or worried. “Lavi” hid his emotions, and even though
something that familiar relieved him, he still wondered how broken Lavi was.
“Do you want me to call you that?” Yuu asked, and he leaned over Lavi again.
Yuu was genuinely surprised when Lavi brought one of his hands up to his dark
hair and started twirling it through his fingers.
“No,” he replied, almost absently. Yuu wondered why. Some of that emotion must
have shown on his face, because Lavi continued. “I’m Lavi,” he said. “I haven’t
been Liam since I was six. I… don’t think I could ever be him again. I’ve seen
too much.”
What could that mean? Yuu wondered just what Lavi had remembered. Lavi was
looking away again, and though that angered him, Yuu did nothing to fix that.
Finally, he couldn’t keep the question to himself anymore.
“What else did the psychiatrist do to you?” There had to be more. Just
remembering who he was wasn’t enough to break Lavi. The man was stronger than
that.
“He made Voice appear,” Lavi replied quietly, and he turned his face
infinitesimally farther away.
“Voice?” Yuu asked, a feeling of dread sinking into his stomach.
“He’s not one of my personas; he just showed up, and he talks to me sometimes,”
Lavi explained. Yuu scowled—was Lavi crazier than he had thought?
Then Lavi’s eye shifted out of focus, and when it refocused on him, it wasn’t
Lavi who was looking at him.
“Who are you?” He asked, though he already knew.
“Hmmm… you’re a right bit quicker than that other man. No wonder Lavi loves you
so much,” the man who was not Lavi commented. He had a thick Irish accent, and
Yuu had a bit of trouble understanding it for a moment. “I’m Liam, but you’ve
probably already guessed that.” He held out his hand, and Yuu shook it,
dumbfounded.
“You are… how do you exist?” He asked.
“Lavi is a multiple personality. It’s 'is own fault, too. If 'e 'adn’t 'ad
Bookman take away 'is memories, and if 'e 'adn’t thrown all 'is unwanted
emotions into the same corner of his mind ta forget those, too, I wouldn’t’ve
existed. But I do, so there’s no use crying over spilt blood… oh, wait, the
expression was ‘milk,’ wasn’t it? Oh well, it all equates to the same thing…”
Yuu stared. He didn’t know what to say.
“So, listen, Lavi’s not gonna tell you what the doctor did, so I suppose I
will, so listen up carefully.”
Yuu could only nod as the strange man in front of him explained everything. The
more the man said, the angrier Yuu got, and by the time the man had finished,
Yuu was steaming.
“Oh, and by the way, don’t blame Lavi for the suicide attempts. Whenever 'e
thought of depressing things, I tended ta get closer ta the surface. So, yeah,
the suicide attempts were mine—sorry,” the man said, raising a hand in apology.
“I did my best ta keep Lavi from doing anythin' while you were gone, despite my
desire ta be dead.” Liam grimaced and disappeared, replaced a moment later with
Lavi. Yuu felt relieved, but then he remembered that he had a psychiatrist to
kill.
“Stay here, Baka Usagi, I’ll be right back,” he growled, pulling on his pants
and activating his Innocence as he stormed from the room. He heard footsteps
behind him, and when he turned, he saw Lavi following him.
“But Yuu!” The other man shouted, a pathetic look on his face.
“Fine, whatever, you can come with me,” Yuu said. He surged onward, ignoring
Lavi’s shouts, asking where they were headed.
He barged into the hospital wing without grace and grabbed the receptionist’s
lapels in a tight fist, raising the lady from her chair.
“Where’s this Larry guy?” He hissed at the lady. She whimpered in fear, and Yuu
was immediately annoyed. He didn’t understand how people got frightened so
easily. She pointed over at an office down the hall, and Yuu set off toward it,
stopping when he got to a door with a plaque that read Larry Birchwood, MD. Yuu
threw the door open and pulled Mugen from its sheath, pointing the blade
directly at the white-haired man’s head.
“You’re going to die for what you did to Lavi,” he yelled, lunging forward. He
ignored the patient that scrambled out of his way. The man raised his hands in
a calming gesture, but Yuu ignored that, too. Before he could slice the man,
though, strong arms wrapped around his middle, and Lavi’s familiar scent of
paper and ink wafted up to his nose. He felt a pressure on his right shoulder
and noted that Lavi’s head was resting there.
“Don’t, Yuu, he’s not worth it,” Lavi said into his shoulder. His voice was
very small, almost weak, broken. Which, Yuu supposed, the man currently was.
Still, Yuu allowed his Innocence to deactivate, and it became an incorporeal
blue light as it shot back into his hip.
“So… wait… you’re – you’re Kanda?” The psychiatrist asked. Yuu growled.
“Yes, I am,” he said curtly. “You come near Lavi again and I will kill you,
regardless of his wishes.”
Larry quivered in his chair. The man nodded tremulously, and Yuu turned around
to face Lavi.
“You sure?” He asked the redhead. Lavi nodded, and Yuu sighed, disappointed.
“Fine, let’s go back to the room.” He grabbed Lavi’s wrist and pulled him away.
Lavi followed without complaint. A minute or two later, he mentioned something
about being tired, but other than that, the other man remained silent.
They sat on Yuu’s bed as soon as they got back. Lavi stretched out, pulling Yuu
down with him.
“Thanks, Yuu, for defending me. But that man already got his—Voice told me.”
Yuu stiffened. He assumed that Voice was Liam, and he wasn’t sure he liked the
idea of Lavi having someone else there in his head. His personas didn’t count,
as they had never been real, but Liam was Lavi’s younger self, traumatized by
the memories that Lavi had thrown away in order to forget, if only for a
moment. Actually, many of his mannerisms and speech patterns were similar to
the ones that Lavi’s real personality had, and Yuu wondered who had influenced
who.
“Voice tells me he’s going away soon,” Lavi said, breaking the silence that had
somehow formed. “He said he’s juxtaposing himself to me.”
Yuu looked at him questioningly. “I do not… understand,” he said, looking away
at the last word. His desk was suddenly very, very interesting. Had it always
had that strange knothole on that leg?
“Oh, ‘juxtaposing’ means ‘to place close together or side by side, especially
for comparison or contrast.’ He means that he’s going to become part of me—part
of my personality, I would assume.”
Yuu wondered how it was that Lavi knew exactly what stumped him every time. He
considered himself fluent in English, and yet, he always seemed to run into
words he didn’t know. It made him feel stupid, but for some reason, Lavi’s
explanations never made him feel the need to defend his intelligence. Just like
always, Lavi was different.
He felt his face softening and hated himself for it. But he didn’t care,
because Lavi sat up a bit and fastened his lips to Yuu’s. Yuu didn’t think
anymore, he simply let himself react to the feeling he hadn’t realized he had
missed. When had kissing become a good thing? He didn’t care.
Lavi nibbled lightly on his bottom lip, and Yuu gasped slightly. He was a bit
angry at himself for making a noise, but a moment later, it didn’t matter.
“Your mouth tastes disgusting, rabbit,” Yuu growled against Lavi’s lips, and he
felt the other man smile.
“You don’t care, and you know it,” he quipped. Unfortunately, Yuu had to agree.
Still, Lavi needed punishment, so Yuu decided to tug on his earring. To his
surprise, Lavi let out a strangled moan. Making a curious noise, Yuu pulled on
it again, and Lavi reacted in a similar fashion. Smiling deviously, Yuu leaned
away and moved his lips to Lavi’s left ear, replacing his hand. Lavi’s breath
grew much faster as Yuu began to suck lightly around the earring. Feeling
rather daring, he ran his tongue along the lobe, and Lavi screamed.
It was really fun, actually, making Lavi react like that, and it made him feel
good too, surprisingly. An ego boost, almost. The hitches in Lavi’s breath, the
way he bent his head sideways to allow Yuu more access, the way he shivered and
moaned when Yuu hit a particularly sensitive spot, it was all very arousing,
and Yuu pressed himself closer, craving the other man’s body.
Lavi gasped and pushed Yuu away, holding him at shoulders’ length. “S-sorry,
Yuu, bu… but I—I think we should… stop,” Lavi said, gasping heavily, his face
flushed from exertion.
“Why?” Yuu asked, panting himself.
Lavi looked away for a second before meeting his eyes again. “Well, aren’t yo—”
The door slammed open, cutting off whatever Lavi was about to say. Yuu turned
and glared at the intruder.
“S -sorry, guys, but c-could one of you g-g-get Lenalee something t-to eat?”
Moyashi said through chattering teeth. “I w-would, b-b-but I—oh, shit, not ag-
gain.” He turned rather green and ran into Yuu’s room, reaching the open window
in time to spill the contents of his stomach outside. Yuu felt his stomach flop
uncomfortably as the white-haired boy retched.
“Lenalee’s sick?” Lavi asked, seeming surprised.
“Y-yeah,” Moyashi said, wiping his mouth and grimacing at the taste in his
mouth.
“Did you just vomit in my room, Moyashi?” Yuu asked, his tone dangerous. The
white-haired boy gulped.
“It’s Allen,” he replied, his voice shaking despite his defiant look.
“You’ll be cleaning it up,” Yuu hissed, activating his Innocence with just a
thought. He began to unsheathe it, but Moyashi turned back to the window sill
and leaned out again, heaving.
“I could’ve done it on the floor, you know,” he said shakily as he wiped his
mouth again. His face was paler than usual and covered in sweat. From the way
he was shivering, Yuu suspected a high fever, and as much as he pretended to
hate the boy, he didn’t want the idiot to be sick.
“Get out of my room and get some sleep,” he ordered, scowling, “I’ll get
Lenalee something to eat.”
Moyashi nodded and left. Yuu sighed and walked over to Lenalee’s room. Once
again, he heard Lavi following him, but he ignored it. The stupid rabbit could
follow him if he wanted to.
He knocked politely on Lenalee’s door before entering. Her face was flushed
with fever, and she had a white cloth on her forehead. Yuu walked quietly over
to her, as she seemed to be sleeping, but as he reached her bedside, she looked
up and smiled at him.
“Hi, Kanda-kun,” she said, trying to sound cheerful and failing. Yuu checked
the cloth on her forehead and found it to be warm and nearly dry. He took it
from her face and tossed it into her clothes hamper in the corner.
“Moyashi said you needed something to eat,” he said gruffly, turning away and
searching her drawers for another washcloth.
“I’m not that hungry,” Lenalee replied, and Yuu grunted. A moment later, he
found what he was looking for, and he pushed her drawers shut.
“Can you wait a few hours?” He asked, and she nodded. “I’ll be back in a
moment.” He excused himself from the room and walked the short distance to the
men’s bathroom. He put the washcloth under cold water and then returned to
Lenalee’s quarters, placing the cloth on her head. She smiled up at him and
closed her eyes.
“That feels good,” she said. Yuu looked down at her. Lenalee had been his first
and only friend at the Order, and he was not ashamed to admit that to himself.
At some point, Lavi had wormed his way into Yuu’s life, but before that, the
only people Yuu had trusted were Lenalee, Marie, and Tiedoll. It had been a
striking blow when the latter two had died.
He took the lift down to the gardens. Grabbing a basket, he searched the plants
until he found several carrots, onions, scallions, and celery. He took a couple
other plants, and he was especially pleased when he found some thyme. He
smirked to himself and loaded everything in the basket. He took the lift back
up, Lavi following him like some lost little puppy—or bunny, as it were.
Yuu walked into the dining hall and barged into the kitchen.
“Get out,” he said firmly to the chef.
“What?” The chef asked. He had a knife in his hand. It was halfway through a
raw chicken’s leg.
“Get out, and give me that chicken,” Yuu ordered.
“I’m making your lunch—” the chef started.
“I don’t care,” Yuu said, dropping the basket on a counter and walking over to
the bewildered-looking chef. He grabbed him by his collar and pulled him out of
the room. “Come back in three hours. The people can wait until then. They can
handle a little starvation.” He locked the door and turned to Lavi.
“I assume you know where all the large pots are?” He asked, and Lavi nodded,
going into a large cupboard and pulling out exactly what Yuu was looking for.
Yuu nodded curtly in thanks and placed the pan on the low stove. He heard
something scraping against the ground and saw Lavi pulling up a small step-
stool. Yuu grunted and stepped up onto it. As much as it hurt his pride to have
to use it, he was now able to see into the pot easier. “Get me some oil,” he
ordered, stepping off the stool once he was sure the pot was clean. He went
back to his basket of vegetables and walked over to the sink to wash them off.
Lavi trotted back a good minute or two later with a large bottle of oil in his
hands. Yuu gestured for him to put it on the counter. “Cutting board,” he
muttered, and Lavi ran off again. As he finished his task, he took the dripping
vegetables to the counter. Lavi pointed to the drawer with the knives, and Yuu
spent a minute looking through them, testing their sharpness and assessing
which ones to use before selecting a few. He found an interesting device that
looked like it would skin things, so he took that, too.
The skinner worked very well on the carrots, Yuu decided as he ran it over the
orange vegetables. He had always hated it when he cut too much off, and this
seemed to fix the problem. He gave the first skinned one to Lavi, who ate it.
“Baka Usagi,” he growled, and Lavi had the gall to smile guiltily. “I gave that
to you to put back on the counter, but apparently, you are more of an idiot
than I had previously thought.” Lavi’s face dropped into an almost comical
pout, and the man finished his carrot sulkily.
“You’re mean, Yuu,” he said sadly. Yuu scoffed and handed him another carrot,
and this time, Lavi placed it on the counter. It struck Yuu that Lavi seemed
much more like normal, if a bit like his last persona.
When he finished preparing the ingredients, he tossed them into the simmering
oil at the bottom of the pan and began to sautée them. After a while, he sat
back and waited for the broth to cook. The entire time, Lavi looked at him in
wonder.
Eventually, he found some flour and eggs, and he scoured the kitchen until he
had all the ingredients with which to make homemade noodles. Scraping the fat
from the top of the broth, he put everything—including the noodles—back into
the pot, and he turned the heat up again. He waited a few minutes as everything
cooked, and then he told Lavi to get him some bowls. His stomach was beginning
to growl, and from Lavi’s longing looks, he assumed the other man was getting
hungry, too.
He poured three bowls, one for himself, one for Lenalee, and one for Lavi. He
loaded them on a tray. “Carry the pot, Lavi,” he said, turning back to look at
the redhead. Lavi nodded and grabbed the pot.
“OW!” He shouted, pulling his hands back. Yuu snickered to himself.
“Baaaka,” he said. “Use pot holders.” Well, perhaps Lavi wasn’t quite back to
normal yet.
He waited until Lavi had the large pot before he left, heading toward Lenalee’s
room. He set the tray there and then nodded to Lavi to follow him. He barged
into Moyashi’s room, nearly knocking the door down.
“Can you keep anything down, Moyashi?” He asked loudly, interrupting the white-
haired Exorcist’s nap. The boy woke with a jolt and a yelp.
“Eh?” He asked, and Yuu motioned for Lavi to put the pot on the floor. He
handed Moyashi a ladle and a large spoon.
“Eat up,” he said, and he left the room to return to Lenalee’s. When he got
there, she was smiling at him again.
“Kanda-kun!” She said cheerfully, but she started to cough a moment later, and
a little drip of snot ran from her nose. She hastily grabbed a tissue and wiped
it away. He nodded at her and took Lavi’s and his bowls from the tray before
placing it on her lap.
“Dozo,” he said, handing her a spoon. Lenalee looked grateful.
“Oh, wow, Kanda-kun, this is delicious!” She exclaimed, smiling up at him. Yuu
felt the tips of his mouth turn up and clamped down on the expression. He
didn’t smile, dammit. He turned to Lavi, who was giving him a strange look.
“What?” He asked, annoyed.
“Nothin’,” Lavi said vaguely, and he pulled his bowl toward him ravenously.
“HOLY SHIT!” He shouted after his first bite. “Where did you learn to cook,
Yuu-chan?”
Lenalee choked on a noodle. “Kanda-kun cooked this?” She asked incredulously.
“Yeah, I watched him do the whole thing. He didn’t even measure anything out—it
was like watching an artist paint a masterpiece, or something. And trust me,
I’ve seen several of those being made,” Lavi replied enthusiastically, taking
another few bites.
Despite everything, it felt good to be complimented. Yuu hated himself for
allowing himself to feel this, but apparently, he couldn’t help it anymore, and
he’d just have to deal with it. He scowled at nothing.
“So where didja learn to cook, Yuu?” Lavi asked again, staring deep into Yuu’s
eyes.
“My mother,” Yuu grunted, looking away and blushing. Why the hell was he
blushing? All Lavi had done was look at him, for God’s sake!
“Wow, she must’ve been one helluva cook!” Lavi exclaimed, and Lenalee laughed.
Lavi and Lenalee chatted pleasantly over their late lunch, and Yuu listened as
he ate. Every once in a while, Lavi would incorporate Yuu into the
conversation, but he tried to get out of it as quickly as possible.
“Thanks for the soup and company,” Lenalee said, sniffling, as the two of them
left.
“No problem,” Lavi said, waving. “I always love the company of a pretty girl!”
Yuu’s stomach twinged at that, but he ignored it. Lavi was just being a stupid
flirt as always.
“Of course,” Lavi added softly as they walked back to the kitchen to drop off
the dishes, “I love sitting down to eat with you.” He walked ahead before Yuu
could react. Yuu still wasn’t sure if Lavi was back to normal, but he was
acting a lot more like himself than he had been earlier.
The chef was angry at them, but Yuu didn’t care. He felt his afternoon had been
well-spent. He had even been nice enough to donate his soup to the black hole
of Moyashi’s stomach. Yuu was surprised the boy had been able to expel anything
at all, what with how much food he went through. Still, it was miserable to be
sick and have to take care of yourself—Yuu knew that feeling intimately—so he
would spare a little kindness for the idiot boy.
As they left the cafeteria, Yuu heard the chef berating a boy for having a
Koala in the dining hall. He mentioned something about it being a dirty animal,
and Yuu was very satisfied when he heard a resounding screech and the screams
of pain from the chef as the door shut behind them. His lips did that strange
turn-up thing again, and Yuu tried to force it down, but it wouldn’t budge.
Yuu froze mid-step as he felt a hand slide into his, but after a moment, he
recovered and kept walking. His stomach made that annoying cramping feeling
again. They walked quietly back to the room—well, he walked back quietly; Lavi
was chattering the entire way. Yuu took comfort in that. Yes, Lavi was back to
normal now. He had a few slips into “Lavi,” but he otherwise seemed to be
himself. Or something very, very similar. And Yuu would have to be content with
that for now. He tightened his hand around Lavi’s, very glad for the other
man’s presence.
As they rounded the corner to the Exorcists’ hallway, Lavi pulled on Yuu’s
hand, turning him until they were facing each other. He leaned down—Yuu was
still angry that Lavi was taller—and brought his face very close.
“Thanks so much for the soup, Yuu,” he said, “it was delicious.” And then he
closed the gap between them in a searing kiss that made Yuu’s knees go weak.
Lavi’s other hand went around his waist, pulling him closer, and Yuu responded
by taking his free hand and running it through Lavi’s hair. The other man
breathed in deeply, and Yuu felt Lavi’s tongue asking for admittance, which he
allowed immediately.
Yuu felt a whistle of wind in his ear for a moment, and suddenly his back was
against the wall, and Lavi had his wrists pinned. Their tongues twirled
together in an intoxicating dance, and Yuu felt his body react rather strongly.
One of Lavi’s hands left his wrist and went to his waistline. Yuu gulped and
shivered at the touch. It was a good shiver. Lavi pulled his hand back, and Yuu
reached out and placed it where it had been a moment before.
“Good,” he said, panting, before he let Lavi continue having his way with his
mouth. Lavi seemed to understand, and he began to move his hand under Yuu’s
shirt, tentatively running it up toward his chest. Yuu hissed in a breath of
pleasure and brought his now free hand to Lavi’s left ear. He had rather
enjoyed driving Lavi crazy, and just toying with the earring had the other man
gasping.
As Lavi’s hand brushed lightly over a nipple, Yuu gasped. There was a strange
squeak from below him, and Yuu froze as Lavi did the same. As one, they looked
down. There was a young girl there; Yuu estimated her age to be around eleven
or twelve. She was dressed in an Exorcist jacket and a tasteless jean skirt
that went far too high to be allowed. Her hair was pulled back in dirty blond
pigtails. The hairbands shone in the light—they were simultaneously fluffy and
sparkly, and they were a bright, lurid pink. Yuu felt bile threaten to rise in
his throat.
“Hmmm…” She said in an annoying, high-pitched voice.
“What?” He asked sharply, glaring down at her.
“I’m just lookin’ for boobs. You’re not very well-endowed, are you?” She asked,
staring blatantly at his chest.
Yuu punched her. “We’re both guys, you little fucker!”
“Now, Yuu,” Lavi said cautiously, grabbing Yuu’s fisted hands in his own, “that
was rude. Let her be, she’s only a—”
Yuu didn’t find out what she was, because pain shot abruptly through his leg,
and he screamed out. He heard footsteps as he fell to the ground, clutching his
leg. When he looked up, unintentional tears of pain swimming in his eyes, the
girl was gone. Gazing at his pant leg, he found a suspiciously-shaped hole in
it. Lavi gasped as Yuu rolled up one of the legs. Yuu’s entire calf was
dripping with blood.
“Fuck, I’m going to get rabies,” Yuu hissed, wiping away some of the coppery-
smelling liquid.
“Relax, Yuu, I’m sure you’re body can handle a little annoying-girl-poisoning,”
Lavi said brightly, though his face was worried.
Looking down at his wound again, Yuu was surprised to note that the sting of
bleeding had not diminished. Blood was still waterfalling down his leg, and he
hissed as he put pressure on it. “Why hasn’t it started to heal yet?” He bit
out.
Lavi clapped his hands together. “Oh, Yuu, speaking of healing, you lost two
and a half petals on your lotus flower. I’m sorry, I only just remembered.”
Yuu froze, and his hands dropped from his blood-slicked leg. “Nani?” He asked,
too shocked to speak a coherent word in English.
“Yeah. That’s why I actually thought you weren’t there anymore. The doc
wouldn’ta had me convinced, ‘cept I was in your room during that session, and
he said you were gone just as two petals fell, one after the other. Then, a few
hours later, a third petal started to wilt, but it only got halfway.”
Yuu stared at him, completely shocked. Then, standing up—he hissed in pain—he
sprinted back to their room, ignoring the limp that got progressively better
the longer he ran. By the time he reached the room, the bleeding had stopped,
and his leg wasn’t nearly as sore, but he wasn’t paying attention to that. He
reached for the hourglass on his bedside table. Sure enough, there were now
eight of the thirteen petals on the bottom, and while the flower looked
decidedly more wilted, half of another petal was completely shriveled. Yuu
recounted the events of the past week. It had to have been when he had broken
his spine or when he had been hit with the Akuma spike. And he remembered the
doctors saying something about him getting a light concussion when his head hit
the ground, but that had been mostly gone by the time he had woken up a few
hours later.
Lavi looked at Yuu, mirroring his horror-struck expression. “Why is it losing
so many petals?” Yuu asked quietly. “I only got hit by an Akuma spike.
Normally, a bullet barely does a thing. I did break my spine, but that should
have been nothing…. So why…?” Yuu’s voice drifted off, and he stared
desperately at his lotus flower, as if it would give him an answer.
He felt Lavi’s arms encircle him, and despite everything, he felt a bit better
for it. “Don’t die, Yuu-chan,” Lavi whispered, and he sounded dangerously close
to tears. “I can’t live if you don’t.”
“I’m not going to die, Baka Usagi,” Yuu said loudly, using his usual gruff
tone. “I’ve still got four and a half petals left. That’s plenty to get me
through the rest of this war. Moyashi will do his stupid hero thing, and then
we’ll fight some Akuma, and then it’ll all be over. I’m not going to die from
some stupid war like this.”
He only wished he believed himself.
---
They didn’t hold hands, nor did they have their arms around each other, but
they walked closely, and no one could deny that they were irrevocably together.
Lavi felt the deep, healing connection with the other man, and it pierced him
right down to his soul. He wondered vaguely if Yuu felt the same, but from the
way the man had almost killed the psychiatrist, Lavi had to come to the
conclusion that the Japanese man did. The bond they shared surpassed their
minds and spirits—Lavi wondered if that was what it meant to be soul mates. He
stopped his thoughts abruptly. What the fuck? What kind of sap was he? Shaking
his head, he made an effort to forget the thought and continued walking with
Yuu to the Order’s cafeteria.
It was late for dinner, almost ten o’clock, but they had just started to get
hungry. Hoping the chef was still there or that they could filch something from
the kitchen, they walked onward, passing the few remaining people in the
hallways.
As they entered the kitchen, Lavi smelled the strong scents of seasonings
cooking and assumed that the kitchen was, indeed, still open. Grabbing Yuu’s
wrist, he pulled him over to the service window.
“Sure you don’t want to cook for me, Yuu-chan?” He asked the Japanese man.
Yuu’s face remained stony.
“No,” he said curtly, “I do not want to cook for you.”
Lavi had been surprised at how much Yuu seemed to be saying today, but he
rather enjoyed it. It seemed the other man had a distinctive personality once
Lavi had gotten under all the layers of protection. He wondered what he’d find
once he surpassed them all.
“Lavi!” A voice called, and he recognized it at once as Emiko’s.
“Emiko-kun!” He shouted, turning. Emiko and an Indian boy next to her froze.
“How did you—?” The Indian boy started, but he cut himself off when Emiko shot
him a sharp look.
“Well, it’s really obvious, innit, Emiko-ku—OW! Yuu, what was that for?” His
head pounded. Yuu had whapped him very, very hard.
“Don’t be insulting,” he said coldly. He turned back to the window and ordered
his food from the chef, who made it for him with a grudging expression on his
face.
“But Yuu!” Lavi protested. “I wasn’t. I mean, Emiko’s Adam’s App—OW!” Lavi felt
something sharp rap him on the head. He fell to the ground, and when he looked
up, he saw a green-glowing, gray set of nunchucks held in Emiko’s iron grip.
She leaned down to him, looked him in the eye, and whispered,
“How did you know?”
“Well, like I was about to say,” Lavi whispered back, “you’ve got a rather
prominent Adam’s Apple. And the way you hold yourself, it’s a bit too stocky.
Plus, you’re flat, and you have absolutely no curves. It’s not that hard, if
you really look. You do look excellent in drag, though, if I do say so myself.”
Emiko looked simultaneously mollified and frustratedly angry. All Lavi could do
was chuckle lightly as he ordered his own food. Yuu scowled at him as they sat
down with the other two Exorcists.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: Bet you didn’t see that coming, did you? :P Also, apologies for
     the slight OOC-ness of Lavi and Kanda, but, well… Lavi is still a bit
     insane, though he will gradually return to normal now that Kanda is
     back. And Kanda—well, he’s still really worried about Lavi, and he’s
     starting to show a bit of his real self as well. It just goes to show
     how much he loves (though he still won’t admit it) Lavi that he is
     willing to open up a bit. Also, Allen and Lenalee somehow got a bit
     of action! And Allen’s totally beating himself up about it now. It’s
     actually quite funny. As for the definition of juxtaposition, that
     totally comes from our number one friend, ! :D
***** Want You Bad *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_17—Want_You_Bad
September 12, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Allen pounded for the twentieth time on BaKanda’s door. “Come on, guys, we have
to go!” He shouted. He’d been standing outside the door for nearly fifteen
minutes now, and he still hadn’t gotten an answer. He knew they were in there,
though, just ignoring him as usual. They were probably doing something
perverted. Ever since they’d kissed in front of everyone, Allen had had no
illusions about what there were doing with each other. After all, he’d been
Cross’s apprentice.
“Oi! Moyashi, we’ve been looking for you for a half hour. Get your ass up to
the Director’s office,” Kanda shouted from down the hall, and Allen looked
over, surprised. Kanda and Lavi were both approaching him, the former looking
nearly incensed and grabbing Mugen’s activated hilt.
“I was sent to look for you—where were you guys?” Allen asked plaintively as
they reached their door.
“Looking for you, retard,” Kanda replied angrily.
“It’s Allen,” he said grumpily. By unspoken consent, the three of them walked
up to the Director’s office, Kanda leading and Lavi at his right side. Staying
behind them wasn’t a bad thing, though. It was actually rather amusing. Every
few seconds, their hands would brush, and they’d jump apart as if burned. Or
one time, Lavi tripped, and Kanda grabbed his shoulder to catch him.
Unfortunately, Kanda had underestimated the redheaded Exorcist’s weight, and
they’d both tumbled to the floor. Kanda landed on top of Lavi, their faces
nearly touching. He saw their eyes go ridiculously soft, and Lavi was about to
lift his head up when Allen snorted. It was just too funny.
“What happened to that meeting?” He asked nastily, kicking Kanda as he passed
the two of them. He took point after that, cackling to himself every few
minutes.
---
They walked into the Director’s room, and Allen once again felt a light pang in
his heart at Komui’s missing presence. Somehow, he had come to love the man
like a brother, and his absence tore at him whenever he was reminded of it.
“So we’re finally going out?” He asked. Kanda growled behind him.
“We would have left earlier if you hadn’t been sick, Moyashi.”
“He has a point, you know,” the Director said quietly, and Allen saw Kanda
smirk in slight amusement.
The other Generals had all left, Lenalee included. On the third of September,
she was well enough to leave, although she was still sick with a cold. She had
taken Miranda, Lolek, Darcy, and Amanda with her. Allen couldn’t help but feel
very lonely without her comforting, solid presence at his side. He berated
himself for thinking that. He needed to stop being a lovestruck fool. He was
the Destroyer of Time, and ironically, he didn’t have time for that.
A week later, Generals Cyrah and Tamas had left, taking with them the majority
of the Exorcists. Just two days prior, General Tuan was finally well enough to
move about, and he would be taking his leave of headquarters in a week or two.
Allen had a sinking feeling it was time for him and his group to be on their
way. He looked around the room for any other companions and saw a blond boy
with hazel eyes sitting in a chair next to the Director’s desk. He was holding
something gray and fuzzy, though Allen couldn’t tell exactly what it was.
“That’s everyone, then,” the Director said, and Allen took a seat on the couch.
He looked over at the boy and took a double-take.
“Is that a koala?” He asked incredulously. The gray, fuzzy thing yawned widely
and turned to stare at him. It bit the boy’s hand and jumped lightly onto the
couch next to the chair. It walked over to Allen and nuzzled his lap.
“Oi! Siegfried, that hurt, mate!” The boy yelled, looking scandalized at his
koala’s apparent betrayal. It made a snorting noise on Allen’s lap and curled
up tightly, falling asleep. Allen stared down at the ball of fur and began to
pet it for lack of anything better.
“Well,” Lavi said, taking a seat next to Allen and pulling Kanda down next to
him, “this is awkward.”
“Speak for yourself, mate, that’s my Innocence!” The boy exclaimed.
“Your Innocence doesn’t seem to like you very much,” Lavi shot back, sticking
his tongue out playfully. Kanda whapped him over the head.
“Well, seeing as you’re all finally gathered here, why we don’t discuss your
mission,” the Director said, interrupting the proceedings before Lavi started
pouting loudly. “You’ll be going after the Earl.”
Allen gawked, unable to say anything.
“Wait, we know where he is?” The boy with the koala asked.
The Director paused and then looked dejected. “Well, no…” His face lit up
again, and he added, “but that’s where you come in! Allen, you’re our most
powerful Exorcist, and Kanda and Lavi are our numbers three and four,
respectively. Justin, you’re here because Siegfried bit General Kabbah, and she
didn’t want you. That, and Michel didn’t want to go without Hok’ee.
Logistically, I would have liked to have had Lenalee with you, but she rather
forcefully insisted that she lead the group looking for Artemis.” The Director
shuddered, tenderly rubbing his arm, and Allen got a very good idea of what he
meant by “forceful.”
“So we are finding and destroying the Earl?” Kanda questioned, sounding
skeptical.
“Well, not in so many words, but yes.”
Kanda snorted. “We’re dead,” he muttered.
“Yuu, be more optimistic!” Lavi scolded, though he, too, looked worried.
“Why? We’re going to die,” Kanda insisted, staring point-blank at the Director.
“Well, you would call in the other Exorcists should you actually find the
Earl,” the Director said, backtracking.
“And how would we get them to our location?” Allen asked, now skeptical
himself.
“You control the Ark, do you not?” The Director asked, and Allen paled. He
didn’t like using the Ark, even when it was needed. Even if the Musician wasn’t
supposed to be bothering him anymore, using anything so obscenely Noah gave him
the shivers, and it reminded him of how untrusting and corrupt the Order could
be.
“Where are we going anyway?” The boy, Justin, asked.
“Well, you’ll have Finders and Military personnel with you,” The Director said,
not answering the question.
“So? Where in the bloody hell will we be?” Allen asked, becoming quite annoyed
at the evasiveness of the new Director.
“Well, you’ll be living in the Ark… Uhhh yeah, we don’t really know… but
whenever the Finders discover a possible location, you’ll be sent there.”
“You have to be kidding me,” Justin said disbelievingly.
“Then, can’t we just… stay here?” Allen asked, scratching his head and
dislodging Timcanpy. Tim fluttered around his head and scratched at him in
annoyance.
“It’s not so much a matter of traveling as it is a matter of, ahem, housing,”
Director Williams said, and Allen shot him a questioning glance.
“Explain,” he said.
“Well, you’ll be assigned a sixty-person regiment from the Coalition, and
you’ll have at least that number of Finders, half of whom will be out on the
field, doing the actual searching. We don’t have enough space for them here in
the Order, so it would be best if you could house them in the Ark. As for you
Exorcists, if you’d prefer to sleep here, then you may do so, though the orders
will be going straight to the Ark, so it may not be particularly wise,” the
Lieutenant General added. Allen nodded.
“All right, then, we’ll move our things to the Ark. Is there anything else we
need to know, or should we leave?”
“You can go ahead and leave, all four of you, and I’ll have Major Andrews and
his officers come see you in the Science Department as soon as possible.”
Allen nodded in sharp understanding. As one, the Exorcists got up to leave, and
Allen handed the ball of gray fluff back to the Australian boy. They headed
down to the Ark.
---
Sometimes Yuu really hated his life.
It wasn’t the usual type of hate, though—that horrid self-loathing spawned from
years of intense, soul-rending abuse. It was something entirely different,
something so foreign that it took Yuu several days to understand it completely.
He was glad to be alive; his near-death experience had taught him that much. He
no longer craved death like it was a numbing drug that would erase him like
chalk from a slate. He had no illusions about the reason for the
change—somehow, that stupid, disgusting, piece-of-shit rabbit had burrowed its
way into his heart, and it was now hibernating there. Permanently. He also had
no illusions about the fact that he liked it. And perhaps that was the most
infuriating feeling of them all.
Because he hated Lavi. He hated his stupid red hair that stood out at every
angle in the mornings. He hated the way Lavi slurred all his words together,
even when he wasn’t using his former persona. He hated the way the other man
chewed with his mouth open, how he talked with food in his mouth. He hated how
Lavi always knew everything about him, no matter how much Yuu tried to hide it.
He hated how the redhead was so touchy, how he had come to crave the other
man’s touches, regardless. He hated how Lavi knew exactly what to do to make
him want more. He hated Lavi’s piercing voice, how it hit him right in the
depths of his soul. He hated how he could never quite figure Lavi out. And
perhaps the most frustrating of them all, Yuu hated that Lavi was a full seven
centimeters taller than him. Even worse, though, was Lavi’s stupid-ass, wide,
and obviously fake smile. He couldn’t see how other people didn’t notice Lavi’s
insincerity.
But he also loved Lavi. He loved that stupid hair, that stupid, impossibly
green eye that always saw through him. He loved how the man smelled—ink and
paper, and if Yuu sniffed really hard, he could catch the barest hints of
something subtle and woody. He loved how the other man held him in just the
right way, how he knew almost instinctively what reminded Yuu of his father or
of what he had suffered. He loved how he avoided things when Yuu didn’t want to
talk about them. He loved how Lavi knew when to push it and make him talk, even
if he didn’t want to. He loved Lavi’s sheer intelligence, even if it was
kilometers higher than his own. He loved how the man knew how to make him feel
good, seemingly without any effort, and he loved how Lavi knew exactly what to
say to make him feel better. Most of all, though, he loved Lavi’s real smiles.
They were small, but they held a well of emotion and caring that nearly melted
him—not that Yuu melted.
Yes, Yuu loved Lavi, there was no denying that. And that was why he hated his
life. Well, maybe not exactly. He hated his life the most because all these
thoughts stayed fixed in his mind, jammed in place and unmovable, as if someone
had shackled them there eternally. They were only words, only feelings, but Yuu
could not allow himself to say them. They were to be left unuttered until the
lotus of his life crumbled in its decomposition.
Worse even than the unspoken words were the unsatisfied feelings that hadn’t
left him all month, growing like a roaring fire until Yuu felt like he was
going to burn from its sheer force. It never stopped, only grew and grew, with
Lavi acting as the bellows, exacerbating the problem until Yuu could barely
breathe for the sheer heat. It had started as a small flame, but with each
waking day and each restful night, it flared and sparked.
Had it started on the third? Yes, it had. He and Lavi were in the library—Lavi
was getting books, as usual (the man went through them faster than Moyashi went
through food). Yuu didn’t know what they were about, nor did he care. He just
didn’t want to be left alone in that stuffy room that still smelled of
Moyashi’s regurgitations. Having the window open didn’t help. It only augmented
the stench of Moyashi’s stomach. He looked down at Lavi’s pile absently and
picked up the topmost book with practiced disinterest.
“What is this shit?” He asked, staring at the book in revulsion.
“Oh, Amanda recommended it—she said it gave a scarily accurate view into the
female psyche… but not in those words. What she actually said was—”
“—I don’t care what she said it was. This is a waste of trees.” Yuu scowled at
the book as if that would make it disappear.
“Amanda recommended Lord of the Rings, and you read it—even liked it, from that
cute little face you made when you finished it,” Lavi commented as Yuu flipped
disgustedly through the book he was holding.
“Your point?” He asked, closing the book and resisting the urge to burn it in
the nearby fireplace. Surely, he could get Lavi to aim a fire seal his way, and
then he could…
“Your scheming face is really adorable, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said quietly, and he
pushed Yuu lightly back into the shelf, holding him there gently in his
paradoxically firm grip.
Yuu froze, unready for the close, intimate contact that followed. Lavi
hesitated, but Yuu forced himself to relax, because he liked when Lavi touched
him like this, and he was rewarded with the soft pressure of Lavi’s lips
caressing his own. Yuu sighed against them and parted his lips infinitesimally.
Lavi smiled against his mouth, and suddenly the pressure was gone. He shivered
as he felt Lavi’s breath on his ear and again as he felt Lavi’s lips touching
the junction of his jaw and neck, just below his earlobe. Yuu cracked an eye
open and was shocked at how red the man’s hair was. It was blinding, almost, so
he shut his eye again, and then Lavi trailed his lips down Yuu’s neck. His
breath hitched as Lavi hit the base of his throat. He felt Lavi bite down in a
light nip, but it was exactly over that one horrible, nearly invisible scar
that his father had left there. Yuu felt paralyzed as he took a trip back to
the past…
Teeth scraped against bone, gnawing, cannibalistic teeth that hurt and grated
and eroded and—
And Lavi was gone, backed up against the opposite shelf a few meters away,
looking horrified. An arm was over his mouth, and only the wideness of his eye
showed Yuu the panicked expression. It faded a moment later, replaced with
something dull and fake, and Yuu wanted to slice it down the middle, to bring
back Lavi’s real emotions.
“I—I have to go,” Lavi choked out in a strangled voice. He turned tail and
half-ran from the room. Yuu heard the hastily shouted “bathroom” that Lavi sent
back toward him, though he knew the rabbit wouldn’t actually be there. He
collapsed to the ground, back still against the bookshelf, and wondered just
what the hell had happened.
It had only gotten worse after that. Lavi just wouldn’t touch him, not like Yuu
wanted—not like Yuu craved. It was getting to the point that Yuu wanted to just
let go of all attachment and dispense with the man altogether. But he knew he
couldn’t survive it. It was as if something had broken between the two of them
that day in the library, and Yuu wanted it mended. Now.
As one, the four Exorcists walked into Moyashi’s stupid little Ark, and Yuu
forced himself to pay attention to the present situation. They treaded down the
familiar cobbled city, its whitewashed stone and clear, cloudless sky too
silent, too still, to put Yuu at ease. Lavi strolled behind him, chattering as
usual. For some reason, though, there was a desperate undertone to Lavi’s voice
that Yuu could not understand, and whenever he looked back at the man, he saw
something strange in his face.
---
Lavi looked back at Yuu’s stoic face. From his eyes, though, Lavi could tell
that the Japanese man was curious, extraordinarily so. He didn’t understand how
other people couldn’t see it, how other people failed to read the man. It was
so easy—all it took was one long look into Yuu’s eyes, those two now-sparkling,
black eyes with immeasurable depths.
But no matter how good Lavi was at reading Yuu’s eyes, he couldn’t understand
the man’s physical cues. He knew almost instinctively when Yuu’s abrupt lack of
motion meant he was simply reacting out of habit. He just wished he knew when
he was throwing Yuu back into memories. He knew something was wrong when Yuu
stopped moving, but he never knew if Yuu wanted more or less, and it was
driving him insane.
Lavi was frustrated. Not mentally—well, yes, mentally, but he was getting over
that—but physically. In particular, he was sexually frustrated, but he didn’t
know to approach the subject to Yuu, because honestly, it would be a miracle if
Yuu wanted him in that way in the first place. Lavi was completely, one hundred
percent sure that that first night, the night that Yuu had explained everything
to him, had been a fluke. Yuu had needed something to wake him up, and Lavi had
provided it. There was nothing more to it than that, even if deep in Lavi’s
heart, he wished there was.
There had been a time on the eighth when Yuu had walked up to him. Lavi nearly
choked as the other man kissed him lightly, chastely, on the cheek. As Yuu
pulled back, his face was burning, but there was satisfaction in his
expression. It had been the first contact that Yuu had truly initiated on the
kissing front, and since—and Lavi was starting to suspect that this was what
had emboldened the other man—there was no one else nearby, Lavi couldn’t help
but tilt his head down.
Yuu got the hint, and their lips softly touched in a kiss too sweet for Lavi to
describe in words. No language could describe it. Not even music. It was much
like the kiss Yuu had given him the morning of the twenty-second of August,
except that it did not feel testing. This time it was more… searching. Lavi
couldn’t exactly place the difference, but it was there.
There were no tongues, there was no touching, and their mouths stayed closed,
but Lavi had never felt more satisfied. Which brought him back to his current
problem. Nearly everything Yuu did turned Lavi on, and he could do nothing to
stop it.
Much as he didn’t want to, though, Lavi held back. He didn’t want to pressure
Yuu into doing something that would irrevocably damage him. Yuu’s pain was an
anathema to him, and he would do anything to avoid it. He knew what it was like
to watch Yuu suffer, especially from the trauma of rape, and Lavi vowed that he
would never, ever force himself on his… whatever Yuu was. Yuu should never have
to suffer that again, ever.
Still, it was slowly driving him crazy. Yuu was not the most experienced in
physical matters (though Lavi more than made up for that, and Yuu was a quick
learner), but sometimes Lavi would do something that would just make him seize
up and stop responding for a moment. It was at those times that the redhead
pulled back, making a hasty retreat. And it was starting to drive him crazy.
Lavi didn’t pay attention to the present. He ignored the game of war between
the boy Exorcist and Allen (naturally, the latter won). He ignored the strange,
questioning looks Yuu was giving him. All he could do was sit with his legs
crossed, hoping no one would notice just how bad his situation had gotten.
A long-haired man entered the Ark’s main plaza only a few moments after them,
and when Allen turned around, his eyes widened in understanding.
“Major Andrews, I assume?” He asked, sounding nearly pompous. The effect would
have worked had he not been so scrawny. The man saluted Allen, who followed
suit awkwardly.
“Yes, sir, Major Ulysses Andrews reporting, sir,” the man barked out, staring
straight at Allen, his hand still up in its salute.
“Er, at ease,” Allen muttered, blushing a little. To himself, he added, “God,
I’m still not used to being all important.” He scratched at his chin in wonder.
“Urusei, Moyashi,” Yuu growled, activating Mugen and holding its hilt for added
effect.
“That’s insubordination, BaKanda,” Allen said, trying and failing to look
imperious. “I am the General of the Army of the Coalition Forces of the
Earth—bow down, lowly Major General!” He pointed a mocking finger at Yuu, and
Lavi could tell it was all the black-haired man could do to prevent himself
from cutting it off in spite.
“Yuu’s a Major General?” Lavi asked, now genuinely interested.
“Oh, yeah,” Allen replied brightly, “it was something decided at the UN
conference. All the Exorcists who haven’t yet hit Critical are Colonels, and
any Exorcist who has hit Single or Double Critical is a Major General. I differ
from this, because I am the Destroy of Time, and thus, awesome.” Allen struck a
pose, and Lavi felt Yuu move from his position twenty-one centimeters to his
left. He had his weapon poking right at the edge of Allen’s back a moment
later, and Lavi had to chuckle at Yuu’s short temper.
Allen clucked. “Insubordination, Kanda, insubordination.”
“I’ll give you insubordination, Moyashi,” Yuu hissed menacingly.
“It’s General of the Army Walker to you, Major General BaKanda.”
“If you expect me to call a retard like you by that ridiculous title, then
you’re more mentally challenged than I thought,” Yuu hissed, poking his blade
into the younger boy’s back enough to make him arch away from it. Lavi sighed
and smiled. The angry sparks going between the two brought back old times. No,
they weren’t happier times, but Lavi still looked on them nostalgically. Things
had been simpler in those days. Everything was simpler when he didn’t feel.
Looking again at Yuu, though, Lavi knew he would never regret the change in his
mentality. Yuu was worth whatever crazy, unbalancing emotions that tumbled
through Lavi’s mind.
The Major cleared his throat, interrupting the small tiff between the young
Exorcists, and when Allen turned his attention back to the tall, bulky man, his
General mask was firm on his face. “I have the rest of the soldiers waiting
outside. We need to talk over how they will be split up among the four of you.
They are also poorly trained, if they are at all. For all I know, some of them
might not even speak English—”
“—I’ll take that group,” Lavi interrupted, raising a hand.
The Major looked at him doubtingly but nodded sharply and continued. “They are
not battle-ready, but they shall have to suffice. We will train them for this
particular mission, of course. The soldiers will also be needing housing here,
so if you could give them quarters, I’d appreciate it.”
Allen nodded in understanding. “Alright,” he said. “Bring them in. Just give me
a moment to create the rooms for them. Have them all gather in the Main Plaza,
and we’ll get them all settled in. Also, have them split up into groups of
fifteen. Lavi gets the ones who can’t speak English, Kanda gets the least
experienced in fighting, Justin gets the most experienced—sorry, kid, but
you’re a brand-new Exorcist, you don’t know enough—and Major, you’ll help him,
and I’ll get the remaining group.” With that, Allen walked over to a wall,
which opened into the Musician’s room.
“Okay, Sebastian,” Lavi heard the white-haired Army General say. “Help me make
some rooms.”
Lavi heard the unmistakable sound of a finely-tuned upright piano being played,
and a moment later, the Main Plaza opened up as new buildings sprung, fully-
formed, from the ground. Then, the youngest General appeared through a
different part of the wall, and he looked pleased with himself.
Several minutes later, the soldiers marched in, heads held up nervously but
with pride. Lavi scanned them all over with his all-seeing eye. His heart sank.
Most of them seemed to be around his age or younger.
“Tristram, James?” The youngest Exorcist of their group asked disbelievingly.
Two of the soldiers broke rank, looking at Justin as if they’d seen a ghost.
“Justin?” They asked, jaws dropping.
“What’re you doin’ here?” Justin asked. “I thought you’d all be in college by
now.”
“Too expensive,” one of the soldiers grimaced.
“My birthday came up too soon,” the other one said, looking depressed. A
horrified look crossed Allen’s face, and within a moment, he was next to the
three youths, clutching the arm of the boy who had just spoken.
“What do you mean, ‘it came up too soon?’” Allen asked, his voice low and
dangerous. His grip tightened, and Lavi saw the other boy pale in pain.
“Well, sir, they draw birthdays to decide who’s going to go… can you let go,
sir? You’re hurting me.”
Allen’s grip tightened further, and the boy’s eyes bugged out. There was a
flash as Allen’s Innocence activated, quite on its own.
“Sir! You’re hurting me! Please let go!” The boy yelled, looking terrified.
Lavi realized Allen was in a fury so deep that he was in danger of taking it
out on the nearest thing. It wouldn’t do to scare the soldiers in such a way.
Since his little problem was quite gone due to the commotion, Lavi uncrossed
his legs and stood up, striding quickly over to Allen and carefully prying his
fingers from the young soldier’s arm.
“Allen, there’s nothing you can do,” Lavi said softly in what he knew was a
calming voice. He was a superb actor, after all. Not that he was acting.
The other Exorcist looked at him with steely gray eyes that swam with unshed
tears—whether of anger or sorrow, Lavi did not know. The blind rage on his
face, the knowledge that he could not save others his age from almost certain
death, delayed his judgment, and Allen hauled back and punched Lavi in the jaw.
Someone’s hand caught Allen’s wrist as he pulled back for another blow, tears
now flowing freely down his face. He was sobbing, Lavi noted as he waited for
Allen to pull roughly away and hit him again.
“Moyashi,” Yuu’s steely voice said from above, “calm down, or I will disembowel
you.” His Innocence shone a dangerous blue, completing the threat. Allen
struggled against Yuu’s firm grasp, clawing at the air with his free left arm.
His agonized voice cut through the air.
“Too young!” He wailed. “You all are too young! You’re all going to die!” He
pounded at the ground, dislodging a surprising amount of rock, and Lavi moved
forward to embrace the younger Exorcist.
“It’s okay, Allen,” he whispered, staring helplessly up at Yuu.
“It’s not okay,” Allen cried, his voice muffled by Lavi’s jacket. “We’re
supposed to be protecting people like this!”
Pushing abruptly away from Lavi (for which he was thankful), Allen stood up and
brushed his dusty pants off. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he stalked off,
muttering, “I need a drink.” Lavi watched him open a door, and he smelled the
distinctive odor of a pub before Allen slammed the door behind him. Lavi heard
it lock with a click!
For a long while, there was silence. Lavi stared at the door. Since when did
Allen drink? He detested it more than anything else. Perhaps he would go
gambling instead. Lavi sincerely hoped so. He didn’t think Allen could hold his
liquor very well, and an Exorcist could never afford to be drunk, especially
now.
Clapping his hands together, he looked over at Yuu, who scowled back. It wasn’t
a true scowl—in his eyes, Yuu was blatantly curious as to what had just
happened, what they were supposed to do. Perhaps there was even a small tinge
of worry for Allen in them, but Lavi was probably imagining that.
“So, you’re all here to be grouped off. There’ll be four squads. Yuu—okay,
fine, Kanda’s—group will meet in the eastern corner, mine will meet in the
west. Those in Allen’s squad’ll meet in the north, and Justin, you take yours
in the southernmost corner. Come on, now! Split up!” Lavi shouted.
The soldiers dispersed, obviously having already been placed into their groups
of fifteen, just as Lavi had expected. Lavi walked up to the Major and gave him
a salute. “Well done, Major, in getting them separated. I’ll take it from here
until Allen gets back. Until then, go help Justin with his group. Just do basic
arms training. I’m sure you’ve got plenty.” The Major nodded. “Good, go get
them, bring them back here, and we’ll commence.”
As the Major ran off to grab the different weapons the soldiers would be using,
Lavi strolled over to his group. Just like everyone else, they were from all
different corners of the globe. Lavi clapped his hands and stood in front of
them. He scanned each of their faces carefully and then smirked.
“So how many of you can actually speak English but thought you’d get out of the
war if you pretended you didn’t?” Lavi asked. Nearly all of them looked
flustered. These were no soldiers, they were just boys, and Lavi couldn’t blame
them. “Well, I’m sorry to say this, but you’re stuck here, so those of you who
can actually speak English, do it. I don’t give a shit about your personal
thoughts. I’ve seen too much fucking war, especially this one, and I can tell
you now that most—if not all—of you will not come out of this alive. So I have
a few pointers for you: one, you protect the civilians as best you can. If you
can get a shot at an Akuma, sure, go ahead, it’s one less for us to kill, but
otherwise, just keep the civilians alive. Two, don’t ever accept anything the
Earl offers you. If one of your buddies dies, and you want them back in the
land of the living, don’t even think of turning him into an Akuma, ‘cause he
sure as hell won’t thank you, and we won’t, either. That Akuma could evolve
until it’s too powerful for us to defeat, or it could be the difference between
us surviving and us getting maimed or turned to ash. And three, stay low and
stay together. You can protect each other easier in numbers.”
They all looked stoned by Lavi’s speech, but two looked genuinely confused.
Remembering them as two who had not looked flustered at his earlier question,
he took them to the side. Judging from the flags denoting their countries on
their uniforms, Lavi was quickly able to identify their languages and repeat
the same speech. They nodded, and Lavi told them that he’d teach them enough
English until they could understand their comrades somewhat. The rest, should
they survive long enough, they would have to learn on their own.
It was almost pitiful, really, the hopelessness of the entire situation. Still,
it was Lavi’s duty to train these soldiers, and he would. He glanced over at
Yuu, and feeling warmer, he began to explain the basics of how to defend
against Akuma. He explained how to use the Finders’ entrapment devices, and
once the weapons came, Lavi caught the explanation from the Major and repeated
it to the scared-looking boys in front of him.
---
He was surrounded by idiots. These stupid boys couldn’t even be called
soldiers.
“I know that stupid Moyashi gave me the most inexperienced of the lot, but this
doesn’t explain how none of you know how to hold a weapon. Were you even
trained?” Yuu had meant the question to be rhetorical, but half the group shook
their heads. Yuu sighed in frustration.
“The rest of you—how long were you trained for?”
“Two weeks,” said a sandy-haired idiot.
“One week,” said a second, dark-haired idiot.
“I had a month,” a third idiot piped up.
“Che,” Yuu scoffed. He was in for a very long day. “I know nothing of your
modern weapons, so I’ll have the Major work with you on those later. For now…
drop to the ground. I want you all on your hands and knees!” He pointed to the
cobblestoned street for emphasis. The soldiers blinked. “Don’t,” he added
icily, “make me repeat it again.” They all dropped simultaneously.
“This is a push up,” Yuu explained, doing a quick demonstration. The idiots
sniggered. “If you think you know how to do it, then let me see them.” Needless
to say, each soldier failed Yuu’s test, and he spent a good amount of time
fixing their body positions. “I want you each to do five sets of ten of these a
day.”
The soldiers groaned. “So many!” One complained. Yuu stared frostily at him.
“I do them one-handed,” he said in a low, dangerous voice. The boy shut up.
“Three hundred—per arm.” The boy gaped. Yuu ignored him and moved on to
demonstrate several other exercises, and the soldiers complained louder with
each one. Yuu worked them until they could barely stand, at which time the
Ark’s sun was setting in the west.
As he dismissed the soldiers, he looked each of them in the eye and added,
“Good. Maybe if you can do these all properly, you’ll last a little longer.”
Then, turning swiftly, he walked over to Lavi’s corner. The redheaded Exorcist
was sitting on the steps of a white building, gazing out at the entire plaza.
As he approached, he noted Lavi’s unfocused eye.
“Che. Baka Usagi,” he muttered. Only Lavi would fall asleep with his eye open.
He sat next to the man, probably too close, but Yuu didn’t care. The day had
been mentally tiring, and Moyashi still hadn’t returned. His group had been
dispersed amongst the others when they had realized their leader was not coming
back, and while they had been more competent than the idiots Yuu had worked
with all day, they were still hopelessly under trained.
He didn’t feel himself leave consciousness behind, but when he woke up, the
ground was moving beneath him. He saw the dark, moonlit cobblestones pass with
each slow step of—wait, what? The arm around his legs felt very sturdy, and Yuu
could place it immediately as Lavi’s. He relaxed and let the cobblestones move
on and on until they were inside a room. There was a large, king-sized bed
inside it, and Lavi placed him on it. The redhead groaned and stretched his
arms and back with a plaintive expression on his face.
“Jesus, Yuu, you’re like a sack o’ potatoes when you’re asleep,” he complained,
sitting down on the bed himself. Lavi quickly divested himself of his shirt,
and moonlight crossed his back, illuminating it. Yuu had never before seen it,
not like this. He could clearly see the lines of muscles rippling as Lavi
moved. Each shadow and highlight looked like something out of a painting,
excepting the very noticeable scar of a bullet hole near Lavi’s left shoulder
blade. Suddenly, Yuu was possessed with the urge to touch it, to see if it was
real, if Lavi himself was real. Even though he wasn’t stupid and knew that
already. Still, he lifted his hand out and placed it lightly over the long-
healed wound. Lavi jumped a little at the touch. Yuu saw goosebumps go up the
other man’s arms.
“I was seven when that happened,” Lavi said absently, no longer moving. Yuu
moved his hand up to the top of the other man’s shoulder and sat up until he
was directly behind Lavi. “I was on a battlefield, helping Bookman record for
the eighth time, and it just went through me. It blew me into a nearby
explosion, and a piece of shrapnel hit me in the eye. Bookman was terrified I
was gonna die, that he was gonna need a new apprentice. I was a lucky bastard,
though. The bullet missed everything vital, and they didn’t even need to take
my eye out. It healed over time, but my vision never did.”
“Eye patch,” Yuu murmured, and Lavi nodded.
“Yeah, and I hated it, but I couldn’t let my eye get infected…” His voice
trailed off, and Yuu frowned. Lavi shifted backward and grabbed Yuu’s hand,
pulling at it until Yuu was leaning against the other man’s back.
---
The touch of Yuu’s open jacket against his back felt insanely good, but that
was probably because pretty much anything that had to do with the other man set
him off lately. He had had to consciously not look at Yuu while he had
demonstrated each exercise earlier that day. The proficiency and perfection
with which Yuu moved reminded Lavi of the many days he had looked in on the
other man as he trained. Seeing the almost elegant way with which the man ran
through exercise after exercise with sword, staff, weights, and body was nearly
enough to completely entrance Lavi. Even the boys had noticed how distracted
Lavi could get when staring at the Japanese man. They had given him strange
looks, and while he hadn’t cared, he didn’t want to lose the fragile respect
they had given him.
Still, he didn’t think he could hold back much longer. His back was on fire,
and it had everything to do with the sun that was attached to it. His hand
burned, too, so he gripped Yuu’s even tighter.
“I love you,” he whispered. Yuu tentatively shifted his weight, and Lavi felt a
hand on his other shoulder. Lavi grabbed that, too. The heat grew—Lavi was
being cooked. Yuu would have rabbit for dinner. Which reminded Lavi that they
hadn’t had anything to eat.
“Are you hung—”
Yuu’s chin is on my shoulder, Lavi realized. He turned his neck to face the
other man somewhat. A low snore flew from Yuu’s mouth and hit Lavi’s face. Lavi
bit back a chuckle, though he could not hide his amused smile. Only Yuu would
fall asleep after a heartfelt confession of love. Vaguely, Lavi wondered if the
other man had even been awake for that.
He lay the other man out properly, kissed him lightly on the lips, and snuggled
into the other man’s shoulder. He felt arms encircle his waist, but soon after,
the day took its toll on him, and he was falling… asleep…
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: The book that Amanda recommended for Lavi was actually Angus,
     Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging (and series). Em2 loves those
     books—probably too much. Don’t have anything else to say. Oh, and by
     the way, chapter 18 will be epically smexy—if you catch our drift
     (which we think you do) *wink wink nudge nudge*. Epic, we say. As
     soon as we fix it to make it better. Okiessss off to dinnerrrrrr!
***** Seven Continent Army *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_18—Seven_Continent_Army
September 3, 2013—The United States of America
As one, the Exorcists disembarked from the airplane. Lenalee did a quick
headcount. Her group of eighty soldiers had made the flight without incident,
and the Finders would meet them once they got to the North American Branch,
where they would be staying for a few days. Lenalee hated each day without
Artemis—it felt like she wasn’t helping, and even though she knew there was
nothing she could do until the Finders had a lead, she still felt useless.
Amanda stood at her right side, hand-in-hand with Darcy. Lenalee tried not to
be envious. She missed Allen, even though she had seen him just a few hours
before. She fingered her shiny new phone—the Order had provided it—and resisted
the urge to call her favorite Exorcist. He was still sick, and she just
couldn’t bother him.
“General Lee,” someone greeted her, and as she turned, she recognized the face
of Major Polsky, who she had met that morning.
“Hello, Major,” she said politely, offering him a tired, weary smile. She
simply didn’t have the energy for anything else. She wouldn’t, not until
Artemis was back at home, safe.
“We are glad to be working with you,” he said quickly, “The vans are waiting at
the entrance for you, this way, please.” He gestured for her to follow. They
exited the terminal and made their way through the crowded lobby; immediately,
Lenalee was on guard. She saw movement in the corner of her eye and was able to
kick away an Akuma bullet whistling straight toward the back of the Major’s
head.
“Amanda, get everyone out of here!” Lenalee shouted as she ran toward the lone
Level One Akuma, which was distracted by the sudden movement of the soldiers
behind her. A streak of light flew past her, and the Akuma exploded. Turning
quickly, she saw Miranda a few feet away, her Time Record glowing. Scanning the
suddenly silent lobby, she saw no more Akuma and relaxed her position, staying
alert. She noticed the soldiers hastily putting away their Anti-Akuma guns;
they were all glancing around nervously.
“Where there’s one Akuma, there’ll be more,” Lenalee said grimly. “Get to the
vans, and I’ll make sure it’s safe. Darcy, Amanda, go with the soldiers.
Miranda, you too. Lolek, you’re with me.”
Lolek gave her a shadow of a smile as he came up to her side, surveying the
staring crowd. They all appeared human, but years as an Exorcist had drilled an
exacting paranoia into Lenalee’s mind. She knew the signs to look for: overly
still, seeming to know who they were, sometimes a little twitch here or there
as they resisted the urge to give up their cover, a tiny smile that could only
be predatory—kind of like that little girl over there. Lenalee didn’t wait for
the girl to change, just ran over to her at top speed. She was already shedding
her skin as Lenalee reached the opposite end of the terminal three seconds
later, sending her flying with a kick to the stomach.
The crowd gasped, probably at her seeming cruelty, but just as the little girl
exploded, several more Level Ones erupted from their human skins. Lenalee
nodded grimly at Lolek and jumped high. She ran on the air with her newfound
Double Critical ability, and when she was directly overtop one of the Akuma,
she allowed herself to plummet through it. The explosion that followed singed
the ends of her hair, but she ignored it, already turning to her next target.
Lolek moved around her like a dance partner, and they twirled, flipped, and
lunged by in precise patterns. Lenalee liked working with Lolek. He understood
how she moved, and he was able to orient himself around her, becoming something
akin to a deadly appendage. The only other person who could do that this
proficiently was Allen.
Their eyes met as she did a back flip, soaring away from an exploding Akuma,
and Lolek nodded. She flew into his arm and used it like a springboard to
change her direction. Lolek swung his arm forward, and she launched off his
gauntlet at a speed she could never achieve on her own. She slammed a kick
through the last Akuma and landed nimbly on the ground. She looked at the
crowd. There were a few piles of ash on the ground, and everyone else stared,
glassy-eyed, at the two Exorcists. Lenalee searched for twitches, little signs
of Akuma, but there were none. She turned to Lolek and nodded. He was not
stupid enough to deactivate his Innocence, but he relaxed nonetheless.
“Let’s go, Lenalee,” he said, and Lenalee, too, relaxed. They walked from the
terminal, Lenalee just ahead of Lolek, and reached the vans relatively quickly.
From the looks of things, there had been Akuma here, too, but from the flushed
looks on the other three Exorcists’ faces, they had taken care of things.
“How many?” Lenalee asked, coming up to Amanda. She looked crestfallen.
“We lost three of them,” she said, staring down at the asphalt road with a
deflated look. Lenalee put a supporting hand on the other girl’s shoulder.
“It’s okay,” she said bracingly, “there was nothing you could do.”
Amanda sniffed. “I should have protected them better.”
“You did your best,” Lenalee said, but Amanda shook her head, a few tears
falling down her cheeks. Lenalee looked imploringly over at Darcy, and the man
encircled his girlfriend in his arms.
“How many casualties were there on your side?” Darcy asked quietly, and Lenalee
felt her own tears fall.
A van screeched to a halt next to them, and a darkened window rolled open.
Several very young soldiers glared at Darcy. “You made General Lee cry!” They
hissed accusingly, and the ginger man gulped.
Lenalee walked up to the window, smiling sadly. “I don’t want you all to die,”
she said quietly, forlornly. “I wish I could protect you.”
The soldiers’ faces grew very emotional, and if Lenalee looked hard enough, she
would probably see tears swimming in their eyes, too. They smiled overly
brightly, trying to look cheerful. “Don’t worry about us, General Lee, we’ll be
just fine, you’ll see.”
As the window rolled up and the van drove off, Lenalee could only shake her
head in sorrow. Those soldiers, those poor young soldiers. They didn’t know
what they were getting themselves into. They didn’t realize how few of them
would return. The truth of their situation struck Lenalee through the heart
like one of Artemis’s arrows.
The Exorcists boarded the last van and drove away to the North American Branch
of the Dark Order.
---
September 6, 2013—The Dark Order, North American Branch
Lenalee hadn’t realized how hopelessly useless she would be. The only thing the
Exorcists and soldiers could do was go out and defeat nearby Akuma as they
waited for the Finders to pick up on any possible leads.
“General Lee?” A boy-faced soldier asked, approaching her nervously. Lenalee
turned from the window to face him.
“Yes?” She asked, pasting a smile on her face.
“U-u-um… this c-came in the mail today,” he stammered. Lenalee took his offered
postcard and looked at it curiously. On the front was a picture of two tiny
kittens in a basket, the first licking the second. Lenalee smiled—perhaps Allen
had sent her something? She turned it over and gasped at the dirty blonde hair
taped above the recipient’s address like a stamp. Bile rose in her throat as
she recognized the shriveled, flesh-colored thing attached to the hair.
Dreading the message, Lenalee read the letter quickly.
Miss Lee,
Artemis misses you and Miss Colten so. In fact, she screams your names every
night. She seems to be convinced that you’ll actually find her, but of course,
we all know that’s impossible. I have to say, I enjoy her company very much;
she’s very spirited. I know you must miss her, too, so I’ve sent along a lock
of her hair for you to remember her by. We send our warmest regards.
Best Wishes,
Chaz
Lenalee clamped down on the horror rising in her throat. Her knees gave in, and
strong arms caught her before she hit the ground. Tears leaked once more from
her eyes, falling like twin rivers onto the stone floor. Not wanting anyone to
see her cry again, she dropped the postcard and brought her hands to cover her
face. The boyish soldier held her gently, pulling her so she was crying on his
shoulder.
“So useless,” she wailed, and the soldier rubbed little circles on her back.
“At least she’s not dead,” the soldier said quietly after some time. Lenalee
looked up hopelessly into his eyes.
“What makes you say that?” She whispered, her voice cracking.
“If she were dead, he wouldn’t be using the present tense,” the soldier
replied, “and he probably wouldn’t have only sent hair.” He let the rest be
implied, and Lenalee nodded in reluctant agreement. She stood up on shaking
legs, taking the postcard in her shaking hands.
“Thank you,” she said, and, taking a deep breath, she went to find Amanda. She
fervently hoped Darcy was with the other girl.
As she approached Amanda’s rooms, she heard yells and groans and grimaced. She
didn’t want to, but she’d have to interrupt. Amanda wouldn’t thank her for
withholding anything. Knocking loudly on the door, she said vociferously,
“Amanda, sorry to interrupt, but I have news.”
There was a clanging sound and a great rustling, and a few minutes later,
Amanda appeared at the door, wearing only Darcy’s clasped-up Exorcist jacket.
It hung on her like an elephant’s skin, only black. She looked flushed, and her
hair was a mess.
“News?” She asked, her eyes shining with hope. Lenalee’s face dropped, and she
handed the other girl the grotesque postcard.
“Don’t look on the front,” she muttered, more to herself than to Amanda, but of
course the other girl did. Then she saw the hair and read the accompanying
message. A scream of rage echoed down the hallway. A very naked Darcy streaked
out and came up behind Amanda, looking concerned. Lenalee averted her eyes,
blushing. She no longer wondered if ginger men were ginger… everywhere.
“What is it, Amanda?” He murmured in the other girl’s ear, and Amanda’s legs
gave in just as Lenalee’s had earlier.
Amanda didn’t leave her room for the rest of the week.
Which was probably a good thing, in Lenalee’s opinion, because three days
later, another message appeared, and it was worse than the first.
It came in a small, padded manila envelope. Inside was a small, diamond vial.
It was maybe six centimeters tall and a half a centimeter wide. It contained a
good amount of a dark red liquid that Lenalee knew at once was blood. With a
chilling sense of dread, Lenalee pulled out the message. It was written in the
same, scrawling script as before, only it was now on a thick, yellow paper.
My Dearest Miss Lee,
I was dreadfully disappointed not to get a response from you. That aside,
Artemis is especially depressed. Still, she can be awfully feisty, especially
when I hold her. Do you know, I don’t think she likes me. She’s tried to leave
me twice already. I haven’t a clue why. Anyway, I know Artemis would simply
love to hear from you, so do respond as soon as possible. I have stationed an
Akuma near the North American Branch, so all you need to do is leave your
letter on the stoop, and Artemis will receive it within hours.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Chaz
Lenalee shared neither the blood nor the message with Amanda. When Darcy had
left to grab some food, Lenalee had told him, and they both agreed it was best
that she not know.
Sobbing, Lenalee found a group of soldiers and ran drills with them until she
collapsed in bed, unable to stay awake any longer. The next morning, she penned
a small reply. I will kill you, she wrote, and that was all that needed to be
said.
Two days later, a third message arrived, and it was perhaps the most grotesque
of them all.
It came in a medium-sized box. A letter was attached to the outside, and
Lenalee opened it first. Naturally, it was bloodstained. The box smelled rank,
and Lenalee had a sinking feeling as to what was in it.
Miss Lee,
I am sorry to be so curt with you, but I’m afraid your response rather upset
me. It seemed to hearten our dear Artemis, though, and she tried to leave me
again. Fortunately, I took measures to stop that. Don’t be offended, though.
Artemis really liked the gift. She was very sad to part with it, actually. But
take heart—she loves the sound of jazz over the bayou in the morning.
Deepest Regards,
Chaz
With shaking fingers, Lenalee opened the box and subsequently vomited. The
smell of rotting flesh enveloped her, and it was all she could do to breathe at
all. The “gift,” as he had called it, was a severed foot, cut off in the middle
of the shin, nestled in the tattered remains of an Exorcist jacket.
---
September 11, 2013—The Dark Order, North American Branch
Lenalee received a call mere hours after the package had arrived. The Finders
reported the Noah’s presence in New Orleans.
“I swear it was ‘im, walkin’ like ‘e owned the place down Bourbon Street,” the
Finder on the phone insisted. “’E ‘ad a girl wif ‘im—dark, Mediterranean,
maybe, and she ‘ad blonde ‘air.”
“We’ll take the next flight down. We’ll get her back,” Lenalee said
determinedly as she flipped her phone shut. Quickly, she ran down the halls,
gathering the troops to the cafeteria. When she reached Amanda’s door, she
knocked loudly.
“We know where she may be!” She shouted, and the door opened a moment later.
Amanda looked distinctly tearful, but that hopeful gleam was back in her eyes,
and Lenalee knew she would fight very hard to get her friend back.
The next morning, they took a flight to New Orleans, and when they got to
Bourbon Street, Lenalee raised her hand to halt the troops following behind
her. A great, burning mass of Finders was in the middle of the road.
“It’s a trap,” she said matter-of-factly. She was about to order a retreat when
she saw the girl on top of the pyre. She was dark-skinned and had dirty blonde
hair. From the distance, Lenalee could only think that the girl looked like
Artemis. “But we’re going to save her,” she added. Activating her Innocence,
she led the troops in.
A stray bullet came flying as the Mediterranean girl stood up, and Lenalee felt
fear clench in her gut as she realized the girl had two legs. Turning on her
heel, she screamed “RUN!!!” But of course, it was too late.
They were surrounded by Level Threes and Fours. Lenalee knew this would not be
a battle; it would be a massacre.
---
September 12, 2013—Coach & Horses Pub, Brentford End, London
“I’ll get an ale,” Allen said. The bartender nodded and turned to get it for
him, but then Allen decided that it was best not to be drunk alone. “Actually,
I’ll have an apple juice instead.”
“Sure, just a mo’,” the bartender said. He returned a minute later with a
medium-sized glass of juice. Allen stared at it sullenly.
“Your girl leave ya?” The bartender asked.
Allen snorted humorlessly. “More like she doesn’t realize my feelings—not that
I blame her.”
“Well, that’s no way to woo a lady,” the bartender said, cracking a grin. “You
gotta sweep ‘em off their feet, be all romantic-like.”
“I can’t,” Allen said, staring down at his juice. “I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Well, hurtin’s what love’s all about,” the man said. “It’s the good times you
have between the hurtin’ that makes it worthwhile.”
Allen nodded soberly. He couldn’t disagree. “It’s not that kind of hurting,
though. When I die, she’ll be destroyed. I’ve seen friends go catatonic when
they thought the one they loved died, and I know she’ll do the same.”
“You act like dyin’ is somethin’ your destined to do, boy,” the bartender said,
now looking a bit concerned.
“Well, when you’re the Destroyer of Time, you kind of expect it,” Allen
replied, finally taking a sip. The bartender looked confused.
“Destroyer o’ what?”
“Nothing,” Allen said quietly. “I just can’t make her go through the pain of
losing someone so dear again. She’s already thought I was dead before, and that
turned out to be a huge mess.” Allen shuddered and took a long draft. The man
scratched his head.
“You lost me there, boy,” he admitted.
“It’s to be expected. No one remembers Exorcists anymore, even as I wear my
uniform proudly.” Allen sighed. “I just didn’t expect so many people to be
dying with us,” he added morosely.
“Why all the talk o’ death?” The man asked.
“Well, isn’t that what war’s all about?” Allen asked rhetorically.
“Oh, you talkin’ ‘bout that crazy war them politicals are draftin’ people for?”
The man asked, comprehension finally dawning in his eyes.
“Yes, and I’m the leader of the entire damn thing,” Allen murmured into his
glass. The bartender laughed.
“You? You’re just a boy! Don’t kid me like that.”
“Age doesn’t matter in this war. There are many younger than me who are
fighting. The fucking draft they instated may require people to be eighteen,
but I’ve been fighting since I was fifteen, and most of my friends started
younger than that. They don’t know any other life.” Allen laughed bitterly and
downed the rest of his glass.
“Want another?” The bartender asked, and Allen shook his head.
“No,” he said.
“Why such talk o’ dyin’, though, boy?” The man asked, continuing their
conversation.
“All the soldiers were drafted. They didn’t have a choice to join this war, and
they’re all going to die. They have no motivation, and the forces we go against
won’t hold back just because they’re defenseless. They’ll all be torn apart.
They may have better weapons than we had years ago, but they still won’t
survive this. They should at least get to choose if they want to be sent to die
or not. No, we didn’t have a choice, but it’s either fight or let the entire
Earth perish. Which would you choose?” He met the bartender’s eyes briefly and
then stared down at the bottom of his empty glass.
A group of large men walked in, and Allen saw them sit down at a poker table.
“Excuse me,” he said to the bartender. Walking over, he added to the group of
men, “might I join you, gentlemen?”
One of the men, one sporting a bandana and looking rather seedy, snorted.
“Poker table’s no place for children.”
“I’m not a child,” Allen said softly. “Give me a round, and I’ll show you.”
“We don’t cheat children, boy. Scram.”
Allen’s eyes flashed. “If any of you can beat me, I’ll buy a round of a drink
of your choice.” He saw the men’s eyes glitter to life at the thought of free
booze. Really, it was too easy. He sat down, and the cards were dealt.
Ten minutes later, Allen had a large pile of winnings in front of him, but the
men wouldn’t give up. The door clacked open once more, and a distinguished-
looking man walked in. Sitting down, he raised his hand, and the bartender
sidled over.
“’Ey, Marty, ‘aven’t seen you ‘round ‘ere in a while. What you doin’ back ‘ere
in ol’ Britain?” He asked as the man was dealt chips. Obviously he, like the
group of men, was a regular here.
“I’m here on business, as usual. I had to stop in, of course. I could never
miss a chance to come here. Best food in all of England. Best beer, too.”
The bartender glowed under the praise. “The usual, then?” He asked.
“Naturally,” the man answered. As the bartender walked off, he turned to Allen.
“New here, eh? Hey, Randy, why’d you let a kid join in? He does know—”
Allen grinned as the man’s eyes widened at the sight of his large pile of
chips. “How about we spice the game up, gentlemen? Why don’t we add in
something of monetary value?” The men paled but agreed, and three hours later,
they were all stripped bare. The game was now between Allen and the stately
Marty.
“All right, Marty,” Allen said, his eyes glinting. “You look like a proper
business owner. You’ve already let me lay hands on most of your traveling
checks, but I think we need to step up our game again. Do you have anything of
interest to gamble?”
Marty was remarkably good at poker. Allen knew for a fact that the other man
was cheating, and that just made it more fun. He hadn’t lost a round yet, but
the man always gave him a run for his money, so to speak. He had a feeling that
they would become good friends.
“My casino, then,” the man said. He looked determined to win, and Allen
couldn’t wait to prove him wrong.
“Alright,” he agreed. “I’ll give you this solid gold golem,” he said. Not that
Timcanpy was solid gold. Or would actually stay with the man. After Cross had
died, Timcanpy had stayed resolutely at Allen’s side, and he had never left.
He’d even been encased in Allen’s Innocence during the final battle. Allen knew
Tim got mad when he was gambled, but he also knew that Tim would always come
back to him. Another thing he knew for certain was that he would never lose.
And he didn’t.
“Well, Marty, I think it’s time I buy you a drink or two. Don’t worry, you can
still run your casino. Sometime in the future, if I live, I’ll be back, so
don’t lose it. I’ve never been to a casino before, but I’m very eager to have
that particular experience,” he said as he folded a faxed copy of the deed in
the pocket of his General’s jacket. “It’s really been a pleasure meet—”
Timcanpy started ringing. Looking surprised, Allen attached him to his cell
phone. “Hello?” He said.
“Allen!”
There was no denying that desperate call.
“Lenalee!” He yelled into the phone, not caring that everyone turned to stare
at him.
“Allen! Ark—ARGH!—Bourbon Street—NO!—New Orleans—NOW!” She yelled, and from the
background noise, Allen knew she was in a large-scale fight. The line went
dead, and Allen fervently hoped she had dropped her phone or hung up.
“I’ll be right there,” he said to no one. “Sebastian!”
He felt his skin darken as the Musician took over, connecting to the Ark. Not
that Allen needed him to do it, but since the Musician was no longer bothering
his thoughts, Allen figured he needed some sort of relief.
A door opened in the middle of the pub, and Allen threw a wad of cash at the
bartender. “Keep the change,” he said. He stepped through into the Ark, running
to the next room and opening another portal immediately.
When he stepped out, he was in the middle of a fierce battle-turned-slaughter.
Lenalee was fighting at least twenty Level Ones, and the other Exorcists were
no less outnumbered. Allen saw ashes covering the cobbled streets.
“Lenalee!” He shouted. She turned toward him for a second before refocusing on
the Akuma.
“GET INTO THE ARK!” She ordered whoever was left alive. They all scrambled and
fought their way toward it, and as soon as everyone was in, Allen stepped
inside with Lenalee and closed the portal.
Panting heavily from the abrupt panic, he grabbed Lenalee’s shaking shoulders.
“What was that?” He asked.
Lenalee looked up at him with tears in her eyes. Her breathing was ragged, and
she was very battered. A quick scan of the other Exorcists showed them in the
same condition. There were only six soldiers left. Allen remembered Lenalee had
left with eighty.
“Artemis,” Lenalee said in a quiet, broken voice. “She wasn’t… there.”
Allen pulled her tightly to his chest, and she sobbed into his Exorcist jacket,
great, wrenching sobs that belied none of her sorrow. He held her steadily, not
moving until much later, after her tears had stopped.
“Let’s go out into the Main Plaza,” he whispered into Lenalee’s ear. “We need
to let the others know about this.” She nodded and allowed him to lead her out
into the dark square.
A scream erupted from behind him, and he saw Amanda run out into the flatly
shining moonlight. She crashed into the wall of the nearest building. Her voice
became positively screeching as she pounded her fists to express her agony.
Just seconds later, blood stained the white stone like great streaks on a
canvas, and Allen thought it was a sign of the day, of what had happened. He
would never clean it. It was the monument of the horrors of this war.
Darcy came up behind Amanda and grabbed her wrists, stilling them. She
collapsed to the ground, and Darcy lifted her up, carrying her shaking body
through the plaza and into another room. Allen recognized it as one of the
empty soldier dorms. Quickly accessing the Ark’s piano room, he stepped into
it, Lenalee at his side, and created a few new rooms around the plaza for the
newest arrivals. Stepping back out, he was surprised to see Lavi and Kanda
standing in the square, looking curious.
“What’s going on, Moyashi?” Kanda asked angrily.
“Lenalee’s group was ambushed,” he answered grimly, pulling Lenalee closer as
she made a small sobbing noise.
“Where are the rest of the soldiers?” Lavi said, looking around. From the set
of his face, it seemed that he already knew. Lenalee wailed in guilt.
“Dead!” She cried. Lavi nodded dourly and pulled Kanda back into their room.
Obviously, he didn’t want to intrude.
“Let’s get some sleep, Lenalee,” Allen said quietly. She didn’t respond, but he
took her back to his own room anyway. She needed comfort, and Allen would be
there to give it.
---
Lavi seethed. If steam could legitimately spew out of his head, his ears would
be screeching louder than a teakettle. He fought the urge to yell out in
frustration. Bringing his hands to his head, he gripped his hair, pulling at it
to keep himself from doing anything regrettable. Lavi suddenly got the urge to
punch something, and he ripped his hands from his head—something snapped—and
pounded them angrily into the wall. There was a swishing sound, and Yuu was
beside him, looking angry himself. Still, there was something in his eyes, and
as Lavi looked, he noted a hint of worry in the other man’s gaze.
“Seventy-four,” he raged, pounding his fists again. Yuu grabbed his hands just
as Lavi had seen Darcy do for Amanda. Instead of carrying him away, though, Yuu
held Lavi’s hands firmly in his own, refusing to let Lavi hit anything.
“Seventy-four,” he hissed, shaking now that he had nothing to express his
anger. Yuu’s hands gripped his tighter.
“Mutilating your hands again won’t bring them back,” Yuu said in a low voice,
and Lavi slumped. Yuu was right, of course. He was surprised to feel himself
fly forward into Yuu’s still form, but suddenly he was there, and Yuu was
placing Lavi’s hands around his back. Lavi clenched them tightly in the other
man’s shirt.
“I’m tired of death,” he confessed bitterly.
Yuu didn’t say anything, nor did he move. He stood there like a pillar, holding
Lavi tightly to him as if he were a prisoner. Not that Lavi minded being Yuu’s
prisoner.
It was still strange for him to be feeling anger. The only time he’d felt
anything like this was back when they’d thought Allen had died and when that
stupid-ass Director had insulted Yuu.
“We should go back to sleep, Baka Usagi,” Yuu said gruffly after a while,
pulling away a hand that had snaked into Lavi’s hair at some point.
“I don’t think I can,” Lavi said, and he was irritated that his voice came out
so small. He felt Yuu nod against him, obviously in agreement, and he pulled
away a bit.
Yuu’s eyes met his, and Lavi couldn’t help but close the distance between them.
He very much needed to forget, and Yuu was a very good distraction. He kissed
the other man roughly, desperately, and he was surprised to find Yuu doing the
same. He pressed himself closer, moving his hands farther up Yuu’s back.
He moved his mouth to Yuu’s neck, hoping he wouldn’t screw up again, and though
he was rewarded with a slight hitching in the Japanese man’s breath, Yuu made
no other noise. Lavi had discovered this trend each time they’d done anything
remotely physical. It seemed that the first time, back when Yuu was just waking
up again in August, had been a fluke. It hadn’t taken Lavi long to figure that
out. It wasn’t that Yuu wasn’t enjoying it—he could tell from the shudder he
got when he nipped right there—it was just that he didn’t seem able to vocalize
it. Thinking back to Yuu’s horrible past, Lavi couldn’t really blame him.
Obviously not content to let Lavi be in control, Yuu did the thing that Lavi
just couldn’t stand. He moaned as Yuu’s tongue looped around his left earring.
He felt the other man’s hot breath there, and he couldn’t help his reaction. He
pulled himself even closer, his eye half-hooded and longing. He couldn’t help
himself. Vaguely, he thought that he shouldn’t have held himself back for so
long, because now almost every movement was driving him absolutely crazy.
And then Yuu froze, his teeth clamping almost painfully around Lavi’s ear,
drawing blood. Lavi gasped at the sensation, but he knew that he had somehow
overstepped his bounds. He needed to move back, now, or else Yuu would remember
something more unpleasant, and Lavi didn’t think he could watch Yuu reliving
his abuse without feeling that raw, awful hurt. He hated seeing Yuu in pain,
and to think that he caused it… just didn’t sit well. It made his stomach
churn.
He pushed himself back and walked over to the bed on legs that had turned to
jelly.
“I think we… should just… I don’t want… too desperate,” Lavi panted out, trying
to return his breathing to normal. Yuu sat down next to him, and they spent the
rest of the night simply being with the other, staring out into space as they
came to terms with the consequences of the day, wondering just how often the
scene out in the Plaza would repeat itself.
As the sun dawned through their window, Yuu bent down and picked something up.
He placed it on Lavi’s leg, and Lavi looked down, curious.
“You dropped your eye patch,” Yuu said, his voice smooth and deep as butter.
Lavi was speechless. He knew Yuu had seen his eye before, and he was fine with
that, but his eye patch was very obviously broken. He supposed he’d have to let
the others see, but with Yuu at his side, maybe that wasn’t so scary.
---
September 13, 2013—Gurk, Austria
Tamas did not wake up to alarm clocks any longer. The screaming was enough to
rouse him at the desired time, and it worked far better than any radio static
or high-pitched beeping.
“VIKRAM MAITRA!”
Tamas’s lips quirked. That was how it usually started.
“GIVE ME BACK MY INNOCENCE, YOU IMPUDENT BRAT!”
A chuckle escaped from deep in Tamas’s throat. Really, Vikram was an idiot.
“Vikram! Be nice to Choon-yei!”
Ah, there was Emiko. She was such a nice girl, and Tamas couldn’t understand
how she liked Vikram at all. That had been an interesting development. He had
heard banging coming from Vikram’s room—as usual—and had gone to inspect. As he
had approached the door, he had heard the strangest conversation.
“But Vikram, I love you!” Emiko had proclaimed.
“Go away, you’re a guy, and I’m not gay!” Vikram had shouted back. There had
been a moment of silence before Tamas had heard sniffling.
“But… but Vikram!” Emiko had wailed, and Tamas had been able to hear the tears
in her voice.
“No! Don’t cry, Emiko-kun!” There had been a shuffling noise, and Tamas had
opened the door to see Vikram on the floor wrapping his arms around Emiko’s
hunched shoulders. She had put her head on his shoulder.
“Umm… did I miss something?” Tamas had asked, and they both had frozen. Emiko
had looked over, her face covered in tears and snot alike, and she had wailed,
“I miss Chu-chaaaaan! He understood me!”
Tamas had assumed “Chu-chan” was Tuan. He had smiled at that nickname. He would
have to use it later…
Jerking back to the present at a particularly loud bang, Tamas realized he had
missed a fair amount of scuffling.
“NO! NOT THE SPOON! MERCY, CHOON-YEI, MERCYYYY!” Vikram shouted.
“NO! NOT THE SPOON! VIKRAM NEEDS THOSE PARTS!”
Tamas balked. He needed to end this before it got—he shuddered—bad. He had
heard some of Choon-yei’s threats, and none of them had sounded pretty—or
ladylike. Much as he hated getting between the mother-and-son-like-duo, he knew
Choon-yei would follow through with the least violent of her threats. Like
castration. Tamas shuddered at what she had done to Tuan. He wondered if the
other General still had the scars.
Stepping wearily from his room (that they were right in front of, damn them),
he activated his machete Innocence.
“What happened this time?” He asked tiredly.
“Oh, no!” Emiko exclaimed, placing her hands over her mouth in fear. “Tama-chan
is angry!”
Tamas fought the urge to smile at the ridiculous nickname—Chu-chan would have a
field day—and kept his face stony and angry-looking. Not that he was mad at
all.
“I told you guys to be quiet! You know Tama-chan gets cranky when you wake him
up!”
Fighting back another chuckle—cranky?—Tamas turned to look at troublesome
twosome and saw Choon-yei with her hands on Vikram’s waistband. Vikram looked
pale and positively petrified.
“How did it start this time?” He asked jadedly.
“The brat—” Choon-yei glared sharply up at Vikram, “—stole my Innocence while I
was asleep.”
“Hey, you snooze, you lose,” Vikram said nonchalantly, shrugging. Choon-yei
pulled his pants down in a sharp tugging movement and withdrew a spoon from her
back pocket. Vikram choked and blanched further.
“Choon-yei!” Tamas said sternly, and the woman backed up, putting her spoon
away dejectedly.
“This is VENGEANCE! My Innocence is still injured!” Vikram shouted defiantly.
“You got that fixed in August,” Choon-yei spat, looking offended.
“You injured its pride!” Vikram exclaimed, his voice shaking with slight
hysteria. Tamas shook his head.
“You injured my hair’s pride, brat!” Choon-yei shouted back. “How do you think
it felt when you stuck it down your dirty ass-crack pants!?”
Tamas snickered at that comment. It was well-known within the Order that Vikram
wore his pants too low. His boxers, too.
“You’re on her side?” Vikram questioned, outraged.
“And if you looked around, you’d realize everyone else is, too,” said a deep
voice, and Tamas noted the entrance of the Brazilian Exorcist.
“Morning, Rodrigo,” Tamas said pleasantly as Vikram blushed and pulled his
pants back up. They were still too low.
“You need a longer shirt, kid,” Rodrigo muttered, passing through the hallway
and grabbing Choon-yei’s elbow as he went. “Let’s get breakfast and cool down.
General Varga will get your Innocence back from the kid.” Choon-yei seemed
mollified, and she followed him willingly, only turning once to glare back at
the immature Indian man. Emiko looked soulfully at Vikram and walked after
them.
“You could stand to pull your pants up a bit,” Tamas commented, and Vikram
flushed.
“Shut up, Tama-chan,” Vikram said in a small, high-pitched voice.
“Oh, and give Choon-yei her Innocence back,” Tamas added, still trying not to
laugh at this morning’s comedy act.
“Could you put some pants on first?” Vikram asked quietly, and Tamas looked
down. He was still in only his Hungarian flag boxers. Deactivating his machete,
Tamas strode back into his room, his head up proudly. Throwing on a pair of
pants and a clean shirt, he stepped back outside, shoes and socks in hand.
The two of them walked calmly to the dining room, though Vikram did shake a bit
as he opened the door and saw Choon-yei. She ignored him, and when Vikram
tossed a malleable gray circle at her, she glared at him with icy contempt and
fastened it back onto her left hand.
A young, petite receptionist walked in and smiled down at Tamas, who had taken
a seat at the head of their table. “Er, I have a package for a Mister… Varga?”
Tamas’s eyebrows shot up, and he nodded at the girl. “Yes, that’s me,” he
replied, curious. She placed a small cardboard box in front of his empty plate.
Activating his machete, he cut through the thick layer of tape. The young woman
squeaked and stepped back. Tamas smiled up at her reassuringly. “It’s just
Innocence, not a weapon.” Tamas’s smile turned to a grimace, and he added,
“well, not one that can hurt you, anyway.”
The young woman nodded fearfully and scampered back to the front desk. Opening
the box, Tamas found a small packet that looked like pictures. Ignoring that,
he opened the small, white box that sat ominously atop the packet. His eyebrows
raised up in surprise again. Chocolates?
But there they were. A mixture of several different kinds of truffles. There
was one shaped like a dog, another like a pyramid, a long, thin one, and
several other specialty chocolates inside.
“Who sent this?” Tamas muttered to himself. Checking the box, he didn’t see a
return address. Immediately, he was on edge, and the hairs on the back of his
neck prickled in anticipation—of what, Tamas did not know. Picking up the dog-
shaped chocolate, he cut through it with his knife, checking for anything
suspicious. Tamas had seen tiny bombs in smaller things than this. The Noahs
were very creative, especially Road. She had a knack for explosives, something
she’d discovered during the Cold War, he supposed. It was a common assumption
that the Noahs had participated in that, as they usually appeared in important
events in history.
He continued through a few more chocolates, finding nothing incriminating.
Picking up the long, thin one, Tamas knew instinctively that something was
wrong with it. A bomb could definitely be fit in this one, and something struck
him as irrevocably wrong with it. Running his knife through it, it got stuck
halfway through, and Tamas’s heart rate picked up. He brought it closer to his
face to inspect it further, and he saw exactly what he had cut into.
His knife had gotten stuck on bone. Thick, putrid bile rose up the back of his
throat, and he dropped the “chocolate” as if it really did have bomb inside.
The entire table had gone silent at his reaction, but he didn’t notice, instead
picking up the packet of pictures with a deep sense of foreboding dread.
On top was a small note.
I heard from Artemis that you like chocolates. So, in celebration of your
friends’ humiliating defeat, I left you a special one. She was so upset to part
with it. Hope you enjoy the pictures! It’s always good to see what friends do
and see when they’re on vacation!
-C
Tamas did not look at the pictures, but Emiko did. She picked them up curiously
and then gagged as she looked at the first one.
“Agh,” she muttered in a strangely deep voice as she dropped the pictures to
grab her stomach. Vikram reached over to her and wrapped an arm around her
shoulder.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, sounding worried.
“God, Artemis,” Emiko choked out, her voice still deep.
Silently, Vikram picked up all the pictures and flipped through them, his
expression growing more grim and disgusted with each one. Near the end, he,
too, dropped the pictures and ran to the bathroom. From the noise that Tamas
heard a moment later, he hadn’t made it all the way.
Tamas bent down and picked the pictures up. He didn’t want to see what was
happening to his apprentice, but the picture on the top gave him no choice.
Torture, Rape, more torture, burns, missing—when had she lost the foot?,
further torture, a hand as a knife came down on the pinky finger, nicking the
other as it sliced it off in the next picture… Tamas felt his stomach rebel,
too, but he swallowed thickly and flipped through the rest. Silent tears poured
down his face. His poor Artemis, the silent but grateful girl who he had bailed
out of prison for drug trafficking, the girl who he had bailed out twice more
for that same offense, his sweet apprentice who had worked so hard to become an
Exorcist once Tamas had realized she reacted to a piece of Innocence. He sent
out a silent prayer for Lenalee to find her soon.
---
September 23, 2013—Villach, Austria
They were supposed to be exterminating Akuma, but as they traveled through the
south of Austria, they’d come up with nothing. Instead of being glad, Tamas
felt as if something was wrong. It was that too quiet quality that occurred
just before a large battle.
He heard a muffled cry. His heart raced—he knew that voice. He could never
mistake the voices of any of his apprentices. Somehow, miraculously, Artemis
was nearby. He swallowed his dread. Strength would be there, too. It was no
longer Lenalee’s fight; it was his, and Tamas had to win it.
“Oh, look, Artemis! Isn’t that your master?” Strength said as he appeared,
holding Artemis by the scruff of her neck. From her bugging eyes, she was
choking.
That was the easiest thing to look at. Great chunks of hair were simply
missing, and from the blood that matted most of her previously beautiful locks,
so was a good portion of her scalp. Both her eyes were blackened, and the rest
of her face was covered in dark bruises. Deep, lurid purple marks ran the
length of her throat, ending near a bloodied collar-bone. The thin, white tank
top that she always wore beneath her Exorcist jacket was covered in strange-
colored stains that Tamas didn’t want to know the origins of. It was ripped and
hanging from a single strap. Below it was the tattered and ripped remains of
what had previously been a pair of jeans. They looked more like a skirt now.
Her clothes were in better shape than her body, though, as Tamas saw from the
cauterized stump of her left leg. A small amount of bone still stuck out of it.
He looked at her left hand and saw a large scab where her pinky finger had
been. Tamas’s stomach lurched as he remembered the box of chocolates. Deep,
thin lines zebra-striped her arms, stomach, and legs. Like his colleague,
Strength seemed to have a whip.
Tearing his eyes away, Tamas threw himself at his apprentice’s captor, blind
rage reddening his vision. He only felt the man’s hand connect with his
stomach. All air left his body, and it couldn’t seem to return, no matter how
much he gasped for it. He tried to pry his eyes open, but the pain was too
much, and as air finally filled his lungs again, Noah’s Strength and his
hostage were gone. Every soldier and Finder was dead, their scalps caved in
from the force of well-placed punches.
He looked over as he heard a wail.
“CHOON-YEI!!!” Vikram shouted, his voice breaking with sobs. Tamas felt icy
dread enter his system through his chest. Choon-yei was a good fighter, and he
would be losing her.
“Don’t die! Please, Choon-yei, I’ll even give you your hair back!”
“It’ll smell… like ass… I don’t want it… back…” Choon-yei said softly between
hacking coughs that brought up blood. Looking at her chest, Tamas noticed how
it caved in slightly. More than likely, Strength had broken her breast bone,
and it had punctured her heart. A hot wave of sorrow melted the frozen dread.
“No, Choon-yei, you have to get better from this. You haven’t castrated me yet,
and I know how you really want to do that,” Vikram whispered, mortified, tears
running freely down his face as he lifted Choon-yei’s head into his lap.
“Don’t be a brat… when I’m… gone.”
“B-b-but I’m only a b-brat f-for you!”
“Then… forgive… your mother.”
Each word sounded increasingly difficult for her to say, and then she was
silent, and Vikram’s cries grew louder, more desperate.
Vikram swept down and placed his lips tenderly on Choon-yei’s unmoving ones.
Tamas felt thoroughly disturbed. What the fuck?
“Arrrgh! That was disgusting!” Vikram wailed, spitting next to Choon-yei’s
face. , Vikram gently put Choon-yei back on the ground, being careful with her
head, as if she were just sleeping, alternating rubbing his lips off and
spitting onto the dusty road in an overly dramatic fashion.
“Then why did you do it?” Emiko asked, her voice sad despite her lighthearted
question.
“It seemed like the right thing to do at the time,” Vikram said. What the fuck?
Tamas had no idea how to take that comment. “She was like my mother!” Vikram
bawled in a keening voice. What had Choon-yei meant by that, anyway? Tamas
would have to ask Vikram what his real mother had done, but right now, the
young man seemed in no condition to do anything more than sit and be a
blubbering mess. Not that Tamas didn’t want to sit down and join him. But duty
called, and he had to keep himself collected.
Taking his cell phone out, he dialed Allen’s number. It rang for a long time,
and finally, a groggy-sounding Allen answered.
“H’llo?”
“Al-len?” Tamas wheezed. His diaphragm was probably bruised, and from the
intense pain in his stomach and sides, he was probably bleeding internally.
“Tamas?” Allen asked, sounding more alert and slightly concerned.
“Allen? What’s going on?” Lenalee was with him, but Tamas wasn’t surprised.
“Tamas, what happened?”
“Strength… in Austria. Need gate. In… Villa—” Tamas cut off abruptly, unable to
do more than simply cough. He felt his phone drop from his hand, but he
couldn’t do more than grab his stomach as it erupted in pain.
“General Walker?” Someone above him asked. “Yes—no—I don’t know… Villach… er, I
don’t know the street names. Just—just triangulate our position using the
phone—then give it to someone who knows what I’m talking about… the Science
Department—yes—go do it…”
Everything started darkening. His vision did that annoying tunnel thing, and
his world imploded as he blacked out.
He woke up in the Order’s hospital. Concerned people were around him, and
within a week, he was back on his feet, but then he got the DVD.
---
September 30, 2013—Allen’s Ark
Tamas came up to them, looking worried and carrying a strange, shiny circle.
Curious, Yuu lifted his head to see what he was doing.
“I couldn’t look at it on my own,” he said, his voice haunted. He held it out
to Amanda, who took it, her face dark.
“Is that… blood?” She asked tremulously. Tamas nodded gravely. “It needs to be
cleaned, then.” Turning around, she added to the group of soldiers, “anyone got
a portable DVD player?” One nodded and ran off.
“What’s a DVD?” Yuu asked Lavi, who was seated to his right.
“Digital Versatile Disc,” Lavi replied, shrugging. “It plays videos,” he added,
obviously noting Yuu’s still confused expression.
The soldier returned with a strange, rectangular object and a wet cloth, which
Amanda ran over the blood-covered disc.
“Hey, Allen, can you project this onto the wall?” She asked, her voice devoid
of emotion. Allen—he was definitely Allen right now, with no Moyashi in
sight—nodded and disappeared into the Musician’s room. A moment later, a blue
rectangle appeared on the wall of the nearest building. Amanda carried the
black rectangular thing that Yuu assumed was the DVD player she had called for
into the Musician’s room, and a minute later, they were watching the video.
Strength’s face smiled back at them, and Yuu knew at once he was not going to
like whatever this was.
“Hello, my dear Exorcists!” Strength said cheerfully. “I thought I’d give you a
nice little video. Today is the twenty-eighth of September, and Artemis is
looking particularly chipper today! See?” The camera panned over, and it landed
on a close-up of a very purple, very bruised face. The only thing that
indicated that they were indeed looking at Artemis was one flat, blue eye. At
some point, it seemed the other eye had been torn from its socket. “Wave ‘hi,’
Artemis!” Strength said from off screen. She didn’t move—she didn’t even blink.
“Now, don’t be rude!” A large, fisted hand came into the frame, and Artemis
flew away with a sickening crunch. When the camera focused on her again, her
nose was broken and bleeding profusely. Artemis’s expression had not changed.
Yuu felt sick. His father had never broken his nose, but he had punched Yuu
many times. He shuddered. He didn’t want to think about it. An arm snaked
around his back, and after recognizing it as Lavi’s, he relaxed into it.
“Hmmm… well, while she recovers from that—” Strength’s hand appeared again and
remolded the cartilage of Artemis’s nose, “—let’s take a tour of Artemis’s
room!” He started at the bed. It was possibly the only piece of real furniture
in the room, save for a chair and bedside table next to it. There were
bloodstains and rank-looking yellow marks on the sheets. Near to the bed was
the first torture device. It was a bloody pair of iron shoes with three short,
wide spikes in each sole. Next to them, on the wall, was a rake-like object
covered in a dried pile of gore. Yuu’s stomach lurched as Lavi muttered
something to himself. “Eh?” He asked.
“Cat’s Paw,” Lavi replied, horrified. “He used a Cat’s Paw on her.” A tear
leaked from his ruined eye.
The camera panned the walls. A series of pliers, hammers, and brands hung
almost artfully on the wall. Each of them looked recently used. One brand was
still red with the last dregs of heat. Next to those was a large, A-framed
device. Beside him, Lavi’s eye grew wide, and he whispered the name of that,
too. “Scavenger’s daughter.”
A procession of other devices followed, including a metal gag—a Scold’s
Bridle—and a fork-like instrument that had two sharp ends and a leather strap
around the middle. Lavi called it a Heretic’s Fork.
Strength picked up a pear-shaped device, and Lavi turned green. “You see this?”
Strength asked. “Artemis likes this the best.” His smile grew soft, and a
wistful, dark look whorling around in his eyes.
“What is that?” Yuu whispered to Lavi. The redhead looked over at him and shook
his head.
“I’m not telling you that,” Lavi said hoarsely. His good eye left no room for
questions. Yuu interpreted that to mean that he didn’t want to know.
Then Strength reached the final wall, which was ominously bare. As he panned
across it, Yuu heard Amanda throwing up in the Musician’s room. Yuu knew what
that one was. He’d seen it in an old book of his father’s. The Judas Cradle.
From the blood-stained shackles and gore-covered pyramid, Yuu had no illusions
that it hadn’t been used. Next to him, Lavi keeled over, shaking. The hand left
his back, and he reached out to hold it, offering Lavi whatever comfort he
needed. It was obvious he needed it, and not even Yuu was bastard enough to
withhold it. Plus, he happened to love the quivering fool next to him, and that
alone was enough to make him swallow his pride and show some compassion. Not to
mention that, deep down, he realized he needed comfort, too.
“Isn’t it a lovely room?” Strength asked rhetorically in his over-cheerful
voice. Yuu had to disagree. Not only were there instruments of torture from
wall to wall, but perhaps the worst thing was that there were no windows.
Artemis had been alone in the dark being tortured, beaten, and who knew what
else while they had been out gallivanting about the countryside or sitting,
useless, in the Ark.
“Now, I sent this, because I wanted you all to see the show!” Strength said,
still sounding far too cheerful. Placing the camera on an unseen surface, he
walked over until he was in the frame, too. Still smiling with menacing
happiness, he held up the crossed lines of Innocence that had previously hung
from Artemis’s shoulders and ran across her chest. He brought them up to the
camera, and everyone watched, horrified, as the strands of inactivated
Innocence melted back into element form. Once it was pooled in his hand, his
smile grew to destructive proportions, and he fisted it, rending it to dust.
Yuu looked at Artemis for any response, and the only thing he could see was her
one visible eye becoming even more lifeless. It was as if her undestroyed
Innocence had been the only thing keeping her in this world, and now she had
truly given up on hope.
“Well, I guess we’ll have to stop here for today! Wave good-bye, Artemis!” He
pulled her onto the screen again as he disappeared from it, and she stared
lifelessly at the camera just as she had at the beginning of the recording.
“Now, now, that’s no way to say good-bye to your friends!” He grabbed her wrist
and the microphone recorded a small snap! as all the bones in her wrist were
compressed together. He waved it back and forth, and the hand flopped around,
unmoving, as Artemis stared just as blankly ahead.
“That’s a good girl, Artemis,” Strength cooed, entering the frame himself. “I
think you deserve a little reward!” He dropped her wrist and put her face in
his hand instead, pressing his lips disgustingly to hers. When he pulled back,
Yuu saw Artemis’s lips already turning purple with bruises. With a moment of
clarity, Yuu understood exactly what that pear-shaped object had been used for.
The video cut off, and the screen turned blue again. Inside, Yuu heard a
pounding noise, and when Allen came out, Yuu noticed the rectangular object the
younger boy was carrying was now very, very mangled. He gave it back to the
soldier with an apologetic grimace, but the soldier didn’t seem very mad.
Actually, he was looking a bit green.
“I need a drink. Now.”
General Varga was shaking worse than Lavi, and his expression was so haunted
that Yuu himself felt like downing a glass.
The chef emerged from the kitchen with seven crates of wines, spirits, and ales
as they all gathered in the Dark Order’s cafeteria. Allen had refused to let
them drink in his Ark.
Yuu gazed around at his comrades. Lenalee held a bottle of tequila and was
pouring herself a shot. Yuu was surprised that Lenalee drank at all, but then
again, this occasion required it. General Varga pushed a bottle of sake in
front of him, and Yuu froze. Quickly, Lavi snatched it and passed it along the
table.
“Neither Yuu nor I drink. It’s for Lent,” Lavi explained matter-of-factly.
“Lent isn’t for another five months,” General Varga said incredulously.
“I knew that—I just didn’t want to say it’s a personal choice, because then
people look at me funny.” Lavi cringed back, looking upset, but Yuu knew he was
just acting and ignored it.
“Whatever floats your boat, man,” General Varga said, giving Lavi a strange
look anyway.
Allen, who never drank either, was nursing an entire bottle of straight vodka,
grimacing as he took another large gulp.
As they all began to get drunk, the mood of the table sank. Tamas was telling
Lenalee about how he’d met Artemis. “…Saw this girl in the jail my slutty
apprentice, Sheila, was in. I felt bad for her, being so young and all, and I
bailed her out. The next day, Sheila tried to sell herself again and ended up
back in jail. I was surprised to see Artemis in there as well. I asked her what
she did, and she replied, ‘I sell drugs like Vicodin and Oxycodone… and
Morphine. That’s a big seller. Vicodin, too.’ Well, I bailed her again, and
then Margaret—she was another General, but she died two years ago—came by. When
I saw Artemis being taken in a third time, she told me that one of her
collected Innocence was reacting.”
“Whaddid y’do?” Lenalee slurred out. She was going to regret drinking all that
tequila.
“I went over to the cops, and I tossed the Innocence into her hands, and it
went and turned into a bow and arrows. I grabbed ‘em back and told the cops
that she had diplomatic immunity ‘cause she’s an Exorcist. Then I picked her up
in a football hold and dragged her off, and the rest is history…”
“OI! This’s gettin’ a bi’ somber! Le’s talk ‘bout somethin’ cheerfuller!”
shouted a soldier at the other end of the table.
“Like what?” Allen shouted back, his voice surprisingly clear despite three
quarters of the bottle being gone.
“LOLEK! Nur ein Schwein, trinkt allein! Let’s play a drinking game!” Miranda
shouted, pounding an empty pint glass on the table. Yuu stared. When had
Miranda gotten so… outgoing? She hadn’t been that way for a long time. He
supposed alcohol affected people differently. Or not at all, judging by Allen’s
general sobriety. He had a second bottle of vodka open in front of him and was
already halfway through it. Yuu suspected the sobriety would leave with time.
And another few bottles.
“Hey, mates! I gots an idea!” Justin shouted, a little less sober than Allen.
He jumped up onto the table, a finger pointing toward the ceiling. “I got this
great story!”
“Whassit abou’?” Lenalee asked.
“How I lost my virginity!” Justin exclaimed, stretching his arms out and
slopping his beer everywhere. The soldiers cheered in unanimous anticipation.
“You see, there was this reeeeeaaally hot koala chick!” He started.
“What?” Allen asked, looking perplexed.
“You chanellin’ Siegfried, or somethin’?” General Varga asked. His voice was
starting to get thick with the rum he was chugging.
“No! Of course not! She worked at the zoo—in the koala section. This was back
when Siegfried was just a cub… ‘bout two years ago!”
“How old were you?” One of the soldiers asked, and the others yelled the same
question a moment later.
“Thirteen! And see, we got to talkin’, and then we were flirtin’, and somehow
we ended up in an employee closet, and the rest, mates, is too dirty to say!”
Justin bowed and jumped off the table.
“How old was she?” A soldier asked.
“Nineteen!” Justin yelled, and a roar of cheers went around the table. “She got
a bit salty when she found out how young I was, though!” Another round of yells
and applause erupted.
“’Ey! ‘Ey! Guys, I gotta better one!” Yelled a Finder, getting up on the table
himself. Everyone shouted their encouragements, and the man continued on with
his story.
Yuu thought the entire thing was stupid, but then, they were all drunk, so they
were all a bit stupid.
Lavi jumped up on the table. “Wait! I got one, guys!” He yelled out in a
slurring voice. Yuu thought it was a good approximation of drunkenness. If he
hadn’t seen Lavi refuse every glass offered him, he would have thought Lavi was
actually inebriated.
“Less ‘ear it, then!” Lenalee said, giggling loudly. Yuu resisted the urge to
remove her from the room. She shouldn’t be here with all these… lusty fools.
“Wellll, y’see, when I was‘lmost fifteen, Bookman caught me, y’know, doin’ the…
y’know… necessities… in the bathroom. I thought he was asleep, but… ‘parently
not. So, ‘e sent me t’a BROTHEL!” Lavi smiled widely and spread his arms out in
a comical gesture. “Well, it all got done ‘n stuff, but it wasn’t… satis…
satissss… need to sit down.” Lavi blinked as people pulled him back onto the
bench.
“How ‘boutchoo, Allen?” A soldier asked, but Lavi wasn’t finished, and he
raised a protesting hand in the air.
“’N tha’s ‘ow I figgered out I was gay!”
A roar of laughter followed. Yuu put his burning face in his hand.
“So, Allen!” The soldiers continued. “You a man yet?”
Allen blushed fiercely, and Yuu snickered. It was the blush of a virgin.
“Guess not, then. You gotta try ‘t sometime, man, it’s like… like… apple pie…
or somethin’. Inthat from ma movie? Whatevs… iss good, whatever’t is.”
Yuu disagreed. Sex was nothing like apple pie. It was more like…
“Oi! Kanda! How ‘bout you?”
Yuu froze. He didn’t want to talk about this. Already, images of his first time
were flashing through his head, and he didn’t want to remember them again.
“Hey, guys, I ‘aven’t finished m’storeh yet!” Lavi shouted, and Yuu knew he was
saying that just as a distraction. He supposed he’d have to thank him later,
even if it hurt his pride.
“I bet it was with Lavi!” Justin shouted out, and the attention shifted back to
him. They started to nudge him, giving him suggestive winks as they asked for
details. He tried to ignore it all, but his father was right there, and Yuu was
on the kitchen floor, and goddammit, why wouldn’t they shut up!?
“Yeah, c’mon, Kanda, tell us!”
Everything was very hot and very cold at the same time, and everything was too
loud but also too quiet, and the only thing solid was Lavi, but he was
pretending to be drunk and so was no use to him, and he really just needed to
get away, because they were asking him to tell them all about how his father
had raped him, and he didn’t want to tell that to anyone, because only Lavi
could know, and if they would only just shut up and stop jabbing him in the
ribs and arms and stomach and legs and chest, then maybe they would understand,
but they couldn’t understand, because they were able to drink, and now they
were all blubbering idiots who just wouldn’t stop being so uproarious when all
Yuu wanted them to do was just go away and leave him the fuck alone, and would
that guy just fucking stop jabbing his elbow in his ribs, and—
He slammed his hands—which had been clenching the bench—onto the tabletop and
shouted, “I was five!” Turning away, he stormed from the room, activating Mugen
so he could hold something solid.
The entire hall went silent, and he heard Lavi say something like “fuck,” but
he couldn’t tell for sure because he was so angry and just wanted to leave.
As the door closed behind him, the roar was already beginning to return. He
heard footsteps and Lenalee saying in a horrified voice, “I thought it was only
physical abuse.”
He went back to the only place where he could ever truly be at peace: his room.
He had meditated here so many times, but for some reason, he couldn’t find his
center. He threw himself on the bed, something he had never done before, and
growled in frustration.
He had to stop reacting like that! He wasn’t ten anymore, dammit! Seriously,
even Lavi had started to pull away when he did that. He wasn’t broken
anymore—it was all in the past. So why does it still hurt? He thought to
himself. Angrily he pounded a fist on the headboard and heard a satisfying
crack in response.
Dammit, his head hurt. He pulled out his hairband and sat up on the edge of the
bed, letting his head fall into his fisted hands. Really, why couldn’t he just
tell Lavi to just do something already? He didn’t need to be protected. He
needed to get rid of these stupid feelings, because they were annoying, and he
didn’t understand them. He threw out his right fist and cracked the headboard
again. He growled again and threw himself back so he was staring up at the
ceiling.
He felt bad for Artemis. What she had gone through was true, all-encompassing
torture. Yuu had only suffered a small bit in comparison to her. But her one
eye had shown the exact same flatness that his used to have. He knew that if
she survived, he would have to talk with her. They both needed someone who
understood. He shuddered. The thought of telling someone besides Lavi made him
balk, but the Stupid Druggie would probably need someone, too, if only to
administer a lethal dose. Because there was no way she wanted to live now. The
flatness in her eye told Yuu that she had given up on living. Even the thought
of being alive would seem foreign to her. Yuu knew that feeling. He knew it
intimately.
Sitting back up, he tried to find his center again, but the door squeaked open.
It was the rabbit, of course.
“I don’t think anyone will remember anything tomorrow,” Lavi said quietly,
coming to kneel on the floor in front of Yuu’s legs. He grabbed Yuu’s hands in
his, and despite himself, Yuu felt a bit better. He grunted noncommittally.
“Yuu, why is the headboard broken?” Lavi asked softly, though his tone had a
hint of exasperation in it.
“It doesn’t like being punched,” Yuu grunted.
“Most things don’t,” Lavi said.
Yuu grunted again.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t divert them again,” Lavi said, sounding horrendously
apologetic.
“Che.”
“Would you give me a response that doesn’t include a monosyllabic noise?”
“No.”
“That’s a monosyllabic noise.” Lavi sounded annoyed, but Yuu didn’t care.
“No, it’s a monosyllabic word.”
“You see! There you go,” Lavi said, and Yuu finally looked at his face. The
redhead was smiling, though as usual, it didn’t reach his impossibly green eye.
“If you’re going to smile, rabbit, do it properly,” Yuu said, getting annoyed
himself.
“Well, I’d rarely be smiling, then, would I? And the whole point is so that
others don’t realize I’m not being genuine,” Lavi replied.
“Yes, and then the people who care about you worry a hell of a lot more,” Yuu
bit out. Lavi froze.
“You… worry about me?” He asked in wonder.
“Che.”
“See, now you’re right back with your ridiculous mono—”
“Of course I worry, Baka Usagi. I told you before I like you, and like implies
worry.”
Lavi stared up at him, seeming thoroughly shocked. “You just said you like me.”
“No, I said I care about you.”
“No, no, Yuu, you said you like me!” Lavi said, and for some reason, a real
grin lit his eye.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. You said ‘I like you.’”
“You’re ears need to be cleaned out.”
“No, Yuu, my ears are fine. Ne, how much do you like me?” Lavi asked, his grin
morphing into a mischievous one.
“I refuse to play this game.”
“Is it a little? Is it a lot? Is it a lot, a lot?”
“I… like… you enough,” Yuu said gruffly, and Lavi threw his arms around him.
Yuu, damn himself, froze in surprise, and Lavi pulled away immediately. “Stop
doing that!” He yelled as Lavi went for the door. The other man turned.
“Do what?” He asked. Yuu stood up and stalked toward the door, shoving Lavi’s
shoulder into it so it would close. The motion had the added bonus of pinning
Lavi to said door.
“You keep starting things, and you never finish them!” Yuu hissed, his face
only centimeters from Lavi’s.
“What are you talking about?” Lavi asked, and he looked genuinely confused.
“Goddammit, Lavi, you won’t even touch me anymore!” Yuu yelled. He was glad he
was finally able to say things, even if they were small like that. A confession
was still a long way off, and he hoped the other man understood.
“But… but… you-you-you… I don’t understand.” Lavi looked hopelessly lost.
Obviously, he didn’t understand.
“Che. It’s obvious, moron.”
“No, I don’t get it,” Lavi insisted.
Yuu growled in the back of his throat. “I thought you considered yourself
smart.”
“You—you freeze! And… I don’t… want to hurt you,” Lavi finally confessed
haltingly.
Yuu sighed. Really, Lavi could be an idiot, and his idiocy was making this
conversation extremely awkward. “You’re not hurting me, Baka. I have to get
over this… aversion somehow.”
“Yuu, every time you freeze, you’re thinking about your father or some of what
he did to you, or it’s an automatic reaction because of what your father did to
you, and I’d prefer not to surpass your bounds. I’m trying to respect them.”
Lavi looked pitiful.
“When have you ever respected my bounds?” Yuu shouted incredulously. “Always
throwing yourself on me, calling me by stupid nicknames, kissing me with
fucking scrambled eggs in your mouth, and now that I actually want you to, you
refuse!?”
Had he actually said that out loud? From Lavi’s stoned expression, he had.
“When did I kiss you with scrambled eggs in my mouth?” Lavi asked blankly. Yuu
sighed. Had the rabbit really forgotten that, too?
“The first time, idiot. The fucking day after we fucking met!” He shook the
man’s shoulders a little, hoping he remembered.
“Oh, I had sausage, too!” Lavi exclaimed.
“Well, I didn’t taste the sausage. Either way, it was fucking disgusting, and
if you ever do it to me again, I will kill you.”
“No you won’t, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said softly, looking soulfully into his eyes.
Yuu looked away. Naturally, Lavi was right.
“Che.” It was short, easy, and it worked in every situation.
“Anyway, back to what we were talking about, you… really like it?” Lavi asked
abruptly after a momentary silence.
“What do you think?” Yuu bit out. He was still angry at the redhead’s complete
obliviousness.
“I… don’t know,” Lavi replied, and he sounded vaguely surprised at the notion.
A small part of the Japanese man felt very satisfied. Lavi deserved to be in
the dark about something.
“Well, you’ve enjoyed it every time, rabbit, so—”
“You knew?” Lavi interrupted, sounding astonished.
“Che. It’s hard not to when you can feel it every single time.”
“I thought I was—”
“Well, you weren’t. But apparently, I was,” Yuu said curtly.
Lavi’s eye widened. “You… too?”
Yuu let out an exasperated sigh. “Of course, Baka. But my pants are just too
tight for you to—”
“W-wait, go back to the part where you liked it too? And the tight pants part—I
like your tight pants.”
Yuu blinked. Where the hell had their conversation gone?
“Yes,” he said, averting his eyes. “I liked it. And my pants are… very… tight?”
Not that he had had a choice in the matter. Damn that Infernal Girl.
“Are they very tight… now?” Lavi asked, raising his eyebrows questioningly.
Blushing—why? He asked himself—Yuu nodded.
Instantly, Lavi moved so that now the dark-haired man was the one against the
door. He saw Lavi’s hand go next to his hip, and he felt the door against his
back lock quietly.
“Are you sure, Yuu?” Lavi asked, his face going out of focus as he leaned in.
“’Cause I don’t think I’ll be able to stop myself once we start.”
“Baka Usagi,” Yuu said, his face burning. Fighting the urge to look away, he
stared deeply into Lavi’s darkening eye. “Just kiss me.”
He did. It was hard and deep and passionate, almost to the point of
desperation. Lavi moved his hands from next to Yuu’s shoulders and into his
hanging hair, staying away from the scalp. Yuu’s breath hitched as Lavi
tentatively moved his hands farther up, seeming to test Yuu’s bounds. And then
they did something they’d never done before—not since he had mentioned that his
father had always scraped at his scalp when he’d… abused him. Lavi lightly
rested his hands atop Yuu’s head, and then his fingers were running through his
hair, and they hit a spot that caused a white-hot streak of pleasure to run
straight through him. He moaned.
The redhead paused and pulled back. “You made a—?” He started questioningly,
but Yuu took the opportunity to do that thing to Lavi’s ear that never failed
to turn him on. Seriously, the rabbit had an excuse for not being able to hide
it at that point. Yuu knew how erogenous that ear was, and he took particular
pleasure in driving Lavi crazy with it. But that pressure on his scalp was the
thing driving him crazy now, and it was all he could do to keep quiet.
“You can—God—make noise… if it’s—holy shit—with me,” Lavi stammered as Yuu ran
his tongue through the earring. He tightened his hands in Yuu’s hair, and even
though the scars dulled his senses, pleasure still hit him deep in his core.
Yuu realized abruptly that this wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon, and he
sought to fix that. He played absently with the zipper to Lavi’s Exorcist
jacket, pulling it down slowly. The other man shrugged it off as his lips found
Yuu’s again, and this time there was a fire there that Yuu had never felt
before. It raged through them both, burning blood vessels as hearts pumped too
fast.
Lavi’s tongue tangled with his, and dark-haired man found himself moaning
again. This time, he didn’t care, and Lavi was undoing the buttons to his
jacket. And then it was gone. Lavi ran his hands down Yuu’s sides until he
reached the hem of the tight, white shirt that the-girl-he-didn’t-want-to-
think-about-right-now-because-this-was-finally-going-somewhere had gotten him.
Softly, slowly, Lavi ran his hands up Yuu's stomach, bypassing those scars in
preference of the ones on his chest. He ran his hand lightly over the black
symbol of the Lotus Spell, tweaking a nipple as he did so. Yuu’s breath
hitched, and he forgot everything he was trying to do regarding undressing the
redhead.
But it was okay, because Lavi was now pulling the shirt over Yuu’s head,
breaking their kiss for only a moment before he was back and they were
connected again. He fisted a hand in Lavi’s shirt and jerked it up. The taller
man got the message and divested himself of it quickly. Leaning back in, he
ignored Yuu’s mouth and went down his neck, trailing kisses the entire way. Yuu
felt lips touching the old, nasty scar on his collarbone, but before he could
react to it, they were gone, on their way to his chest.
Lavi lost his balance and fell to the ground, taking the Japanese man down with
him. Yuu landed roughly over Lavi’s legs, hitting the cold, stone floor
painfully.
“Ita,” He hissed. Lavi ran his hands up and down Yuu’s chest, but he pulled
away. “Not on the floor.” It was too much like his father, and this position
was very uncomfortable anyway.
Lavi nodded, his face too desirous to have any true emotion on it, and he stood
up, holding Yuu’s hand, and walked over to the bed. He pushed Yuu down, and the
older man watched as Lavi slowly reached for the fly of his pants, his hand
shaking—was he nervous? Sitting up, he reached over and placed a hand over
Lavi’s quivering one. He met the redhead’s dark eye, and an unspoken feeling of
trust passed through the two of them.
“Let me,” Yuu murmured, and he pulled Lavi closer. He tried to ignore his own
shaking hands as he pulled Lavi’s pants off, revealing just how much the other
man wanted this. The redhead leaned down and kissed Yuu on the lips. Unlike the
others, this was brief, light, and unerringly sweet. Yuu bit Lavi’s lower lip
lightly and pulled the other man farther down. He wanted the burning flames
from earlier.
He didn’t even notice his own pants being thrown from his body. Lavi’s hands on
his chest, rubbing and teasing here and there, saw to that. Lavi moved his
mouth down to Yuu’s left nipple, and he moaned again, surprising himself. It
felt so… good.
“Kuso,” he gasped as Lavi ran his teeth along his nipple. He moved to the other
one, and Yuu gasped out again, unable to contain himself any longer. Lavi ran
his right hand down Yuu’s side and let it rest on the side of his hip. He moved
his lips down the ragged, tomato knife scar, stopping just above Yuu’s belly
button and then going lower… and lower… and oh, God….
Yuu bit his arm to stop himself from making a noise as Lavi’s mouth surrounded
him. He didn’t care that he was drawing blood. A moment later, Lavi’s left hand
moved from his hair—when had it gone there?—to his chest, and it traced the
scars in a way that made Yuu shiver. Lavi’s tongue flicked deftly over the tip
of Yuu’s erection as the hand ran back up to his chest. He let out a strangled
noise that he couldn’t quite classify as a moan and fisted his hands in Lavi’s
hair. Lavi moaned, and the vibrations made Yuu rock his hips forward. The
redhead moved his right hand to encircle the base of his erection as the hand
on his chest slid around his side and to his back.
Yuu froze for a split second, but Lavi’s tongue did that thing again, and now
his hand was moving in tandem with his head, and Yuu couldn’t concentrate on
the fact that Lavi had never touched his bare back before. And the hand was
gone anyway, down at the curve of his hip again.
“Aw, fuck,” Lavi said, moving back. Yuu gasped at the lack of stimulation and
reached out blindly for Lavi’s hand, trying to pull him back. He missed and
watched helplessly as Lavi rummaged through his discarded Exorcist jacket. He
pulled out a small tube, and a moment later, he walked back to the bed.
“Sorry,” Lavi said nervously, and kissed him deeply. Hands wandered back down
via his deep scars, and then something cold and wet touched him, and Yuu
shivered. “Sorry,” Lavi repeated breathlessly against his lips. “It’ll warm up
in a bit.”
Yuu grunted as Lavi slipped a finger inside, this time ignoring the numerous
glass-caused scars. He gently moved his finger in and out, biting lightly at
Yuu’s neck, expanding him enough to slide in a second finger. Yuu gasped. This
had never felt good before, not that his father had bothered to do it most of
the time. As Lavi gently massaged inside, he bent over and kissed him again.
And then Lavi hit somewhere that made him yell wordlessly and see stars.
Lavi brushed his lips in an arcing line to Yuu’s ear and whispered, “you sure?”
Yuu scowled as best he could, given his situation, and Lavi took that as the
invitation it was. “Ready?”
Yuu nodded, and Lavi’s fingers pulled out. He growled at the loss, but a moment
later, the redhead was pressed against him. And this time, physics was wrong.
No force in the universe could prevent them from occupying the same space
simultaneously. Pain ripped through him, but it was tolerable—he’d been through
worse before—and Lavi didn’t move as Yuu grew accustomed to it.
“Holy shit, Yuu,” Lavi hissed, and the Japanese man recognized it as his native
tongue. Catching Lavi’s eye, he saw it hooded and darkened nearly black with
desire. Lavi began to move then, and Yuu found himself meeting each thrust with
a small moan. Lavi’s hands traveled back up to his hair, and they knotted
there. Yuu’s hands, which had at some point stopped moving and curled into his
sheets, reached for Lavi’s back, and he hung on desperately, attempting to pull
the other man still closer. His nails scratched at Lavi as the other man picked
up his pace. “Miew!” He moaned in a surprisingly high voice.
“Wha-what?” Yuu gasped out, bewildered.
“Egyptian… I think,” Lavi panted.
Yuu moved his hand to Lavi’s left ear, massaging it gently despite the rocking
of their bodies. “YABHATI!” the former Bookman screamed, arching into Yuu and
throwing his head back to the ceiling. He moved a hand to Yuu’s ignored
erection and began timing movements with each thrust. The dark-haired man
gasped, and his fingers tightened around Lavi’s ear. Lavi began mumbling words
against Yuu’s ear in languages he couldn’t understand, but that seemed to
increase the heat between them, creating some sort of unknown intensity.
Lavi sped his pace up again, plunging harder, deeper. With each thrust, he hit
that spot—Yuu didn’t know what it was called, nor did he care—that made him
yell and moan and see stars and rock his hips up for more. When had he turned
into such a moaning mess? But Lavi’s hand was doing brushing things over the
head of his erection, and Yuu ceased to care, because now it was okay to moan.
Lavi moved his face closer, kissing Yuu roughly on the lips and then moving to
the base of his neck, where he began to suck. Yuu’s hips bucked up almost
wildly, and Lavi’s hand tightened around him.
The world compressed, and all Yuu could see was Lavi’s darkened green eye and
shock of his disheveled, sweaty red hair. Everything was hot and sweaty and
good, and he gasped raggedly as his orgasm rolled over him.
Lavi screamed, and his pace fell apart. “Oh, bei, mein Gott, kalos, Yuu, je
t’aime, holy fucking shit!” Yuu felt something explode into him, and the
redhead faltered and ceased his movements, panting as he pulled out and laid
his cheek against Yuu’s chest, shaking heavily.
“What?” Yuu asked, still breathing roughly, almost unable to speak at all. He
hadn’t understood most of what Lavi had said.
“I don’t know,” Lavi panted back. “There may have been some… Greek and Mayan,
and I know I used… Sanskrit earlier. German and French, too. And somewhere
along the line, I spent a long time speaking Russian and other…random… Slavic
languages.”
Yuu assumed that was the long, mumbling string of words that Lavi had uttered
earlier.
“Are you okay, Yuu?” Lavi asked, his voice already drifting as he lay down next
to Yuu, pulling him closer and returning his burning cheek to Yuu’s chest.
“Nn,” Yuu replied affirmatively, unable to open his mouth, and he nodded once
for emphasis. Lavi smiled against him, and Yuu knew instinctively that it was
genuine.
“I’m glad,” Lavi murmured, and then, as he drifted off, he added almost
incoherently, “I love you.” Yuu pulled up the bedclothes that had been kicked
to the end of the bed, covering them both. A wave of fatigue hit him, too, and
he followed Lavi into a peaceful, utterly satisfied sleep that lasted until
early the next afternoon.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: Long chappie, no? And yayz! Smexing! Sooo hard to write. It took
     us, like, five or six hours. Anyhoo, the lingos go thus:
     Miew=Egyptian=cat (because that’s totally what Lavi would say to Yuu
     scratchin’ him up)
     Yabhati=Sanskrit=fuck
     Bei=Mayan=yes
     Mein Gott=German=My God
     Kalos=Greek=good
     Je t’aime=French=I love you
     Nur ein Schwein, trinkt allein=German=Only a pig drinks alone
     (rhyming German drinking phrase. We don’t know why it’s pigs—if
     someone knows, please tell us.)
     List of words we can’t say without laughing: Nipple, erection,
     expanding. :P
***** Give Me Novocaine *****
Chapter_19—Give_Me_Novocaine
October 1, 2013—Yuu’s Room
A giddy feeling flitted clenchingly through Lavi’s stomach as he looked down at
Yuu’s face. For the first time that he could remember, the dark-haired Japanese
man was smiling in his sleep, his brow unfurrowed, and a look of complete peace
on his slack face. Lavi reached down and brushed a strand of hair from the
other man’s cheek. He noted a very light scar there but ignored it, drinking in
the view and fixing it irrevocably in his mind.
He did wish he could have something to read, though. Not that Yuu was boring,
but Lavi always felt most at peace watching Yuu sleep as he read a nice, good
book. He had realized this when Yuu had been despondent.
Yuu’s smile grew a bit, and he mumbled something incoherent that sounded
convincingly like “Rabi.” Lavi’s heart melted, and he carded his hand through
Yuu’s hair again. It was so soft and silky, and it was fun to play with. He
relished the fact that he could now—although he doubted that Yuu would allow
him to braid it. He still thought the other man would look damn sexy in a
braid. But Yuu didn’t think so. It was an unfortunate state of affairs, but
Lavi would have to wear his—what was Yuu now? Could he be considered a lover?
Well, whatever he was, Lavi would wear him down eventually.
There came a light knock on the door, and Lavi was suddenly glad that he had
locked it.
“Lavi? Kanda-kun?” Lenalee asked tentatively, and the redhead groaned. Of all
the people to check on them first… of course it would be Lenalee.
“Er, Yuu’s asleep, so could you come back later?” Lavi called out softly,
desperately wishing she’d take his advice. This was not something she should
see. He surveyed the room—clothes were strewn everywhere. Yuu’s comforter was
at the opposite side of the room (when had it gotten over there?), and Lavi saw
the tube of lube lying discarded next to the bed. Add in a sexily naked Yuu, a
twice-broken headboard, and an equally naked Lavi, and it wasn’t hard to guess
just what had gone down the night before.
“Is everything okay?” Lenalee asked, her voice now layered with thick worry. “I
was worried about Kanda-kun… with everything last night.”
Lavi sighed quietly. Of course Lenalee would remember that. Really, she was too
caring for her own good, but now was not the time for her to be upset. He had
to think of something that would make her leave.
“Yeah, everything’s fine!” Lavi said, throwing in some of his elation from last
night’s… activities.
“You sound a little too cheerful, Lavi. Are you lying to me?”
When had Lenalee become so astute? “No, everything’s fine!” Lavi insisted.
“Seriously!”
“Lavi, I’m breaking the lock. Something’s definitely wrong.”
“No!” Lavi shouted in horror. “Lenalee! Don’t! Yuu’s asleep, and he’s—”
“He’s unconscious again, isn’t he?” Lenalee asked, her voice riddled with
suspicion.
“Well, he is asleep, but—” Lavi started.
“I’m coming in.” And she broke down the door. Lavi was sitting up in the bed,
covers in hand and astoundingly naked. And Lenalee saw it all.
She blushed royally. “You… you sleep naked?” She asked in a small voice, and
Lavi thanked his lucky stars that she was naïve enough to only be concerned
about the nakedness.
“Er, yeah,” Lavi said, flushing and sitting back down, throwing the cover back
over him. Lenalee… had seen… him… Allen would never forgive him for scarring
Lenalee.
“You guys are really messy,” Lenalee commented, walking in nonchalantly and
opening the window.
“Er, yeah, well, Yuu was mad last night, and well…” Lavi trailed off, blushing,
too flustered to be able to continue convincingly.
“Oh, is that how the headboard got broken?” Lenalee asked pleasantly.
“Yeah,” Lavi said, glad to tell at least one truth. “Yuu hit it… twice.”
“But Lavi, there’s three indentations,” Lenalee said.
“Oh… maybe he hit it a third time when I wasn’t paying attention?” Lavi
suggested, and Lenalee nodded thoughtfully. When had he hit the headboard
again? Lavi found himself severely lacking in details of the night before. It
would have been distressing, except that he couldn’t find himself regretting
anything about the previous night.
“Why hasn’t Kanda-kun woken up yet?” Lenalee asked, obviously worried.
“He really tired himself out last night,” Lavi hedged, hoping that Lenalee
wouldn’t question his half-truth.
“Well, I would imagine so. It really smells like sweat in here. You should keep
the window open, let the room air out.”
“Er, will do,” Lavi said, and Lenalee thankfully walked to the door. She folded
their jackets and placed them in a pile atop their shirts.
“You should really fold your clothes, too, otherwise they’ll get all wrinkly,”
Lenalee scolded lightly. Lavi nodded blankly. “Anything else I can get you?”
“Er, no, I think we’re good.”
“Tell me when Kanda-kun wakes up, okay?” Lenalee asked, and Lavi felt glad that
Yuu had someone to worry after him like that.
“Alright, I will,” Lavi promised, and he meant it. A little phone call wouldn’t
kill him.
Lenalee left the room, closing the door lightly behind her. “Oh, hi, Allen,”
she said brightly, and Lavi nearly smacked his head in exasperation.
“Hi, Lenalee. Why are you around Kanda’s room?”
“Oh, I was worried about him.”
“Is he okay?”
“Oh, yeah, he’s fine. He’s still asleep, though. He tired himself out last
night, according to Lavi. You know, he punched the headboard?”
“Really?” Allen asked, and he sounded suspicious.
“Yeah, three times, actually. And it smells really bad in there, so I opened a
window. Oh, did you know? Lavi sleeps naked.” She whispered the last bit,
sounding scandalized
“Really? Er, listen, Lenalee, I—er, Amanda is looking for you, er, on the Ark,
so why don’t you go look for her?”
“Sure, Allen.”
“Bye, then.”
“Bye.”
A moment later, Allen knocked on the door. Lavi sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Yes?” He asked, and the white-haired boy walked in.
“So… er… Kanda tired himself out, huh?” He asked, his voice dripping with
mischievousness.
“Yeah,” Lavi said.
“How… wild,” Allen stated. “You look rather tired. Did you not sleep well? Or
enough?”
“Well, I tired myself out, too,” Lavi replied, wiggling his eyebrows
suggestively.
“Ah,” Allen said. “Looks like you tired the headboard out, too.”
“No, that was Yuu,” Lavi said with a genuinely amused smile.
“Nice,” Allen chuckled.
“Well, if you don’t mind, I’m rather naked here, because, you know, I sleep
naked and all. So if you could…”
“Ah, I suppose you want to sleep some more. I’ll leave you be.” Allen grinned
widely and suggestively at Lavi and pulled the door closed behind him as he
left. Lavi got up and tried to lock it again. But then he remembered that
Lenalee had broken it. He propped Yuu’s desk chair up against the knob and
walked back to bed, ignoring the tiny urge to pee. Sleep now, he thought. Piss
later.
---
The next time Lavi awoke, it was nearly three in the afternoon, and Yuu was
tossing about, groaning every once in a while.
“Yuu?” He asked softly, poking the other man lightly.
“I’m trying to sleep, rabbit. Go away,” the other man grumbled, and Lavi’s
worry floated away.
“Well, you could try waking up, ne?” Lavi said, hugging the man from behind.
“No, I don’t want to. I was having a good dream.”
“Oh? What did you dream about?” Lavi asked, curious as to what had brought the
smile to Yuu’s face.
Lavi watched as Yuu’s entire body blushed. “Come on, Yuu-chan, tell me,” Lavi
said, pulling the man closer until skin met skin. Yuu froze, and Lavi hoped the
Japanese man would forgive him for not letting go.
“Wait… it actually happened?” Yuu asked, his voice blank with shock. Lavi
snickered.
“Yes. What, you don’t remember?” Lavi felt a bit offended. Had he been that
bad?
“I thought it was a dream,” Yuu confessed in a gruff mumble.
“Nope, it was very real—was it a verygood dream?”
Yuu said nothing, but Lavi took his silence as an affirmative gesture. Yuu
still had trouble expressing his emotions, and Lavi could do nothing but accept
that. But still, he wanted to know just what Yuu’s feelings for him were.
“By the way, what am I supposed to call you?” Lavi asked after the momentary
pause.
“What?” Yuu sounded bewildered at the sudden shift in conversation.
“Well, I mean, we’re definitely together—everyone can see that—and I definitely
love you, and I know you said you like me. But I don’t want to call you
something like ‘boyfriend,’ because that’s girlish and… wrong, somehow. It’s…
inadequate. But we aren’t technically lovers, because you don’t love me, even
though we’ve slept with each other, so where does that put us, relationship-
wise?”
Yuu turned around to face Lavi, and his eyes were filled with an emotion Lavi
had never seen.
“But, I…” He looked away and made two little grunts of seeming frustration.
“I…” He sighed exasperatedly and turned around again, scowling at the wall.
“You what?” Lavi asked, genuinely curious as to what his—whatever Yuu was—had
been about to say.
“Nothing. Never mind, rabbit.” Yuu sounded extremely perturbed.
Lavi grumbled but accepted he wouldn’t get anything else out of the other man
at this time.
“But anyway, what do I call you?”
“Whatever you want, Baka Usagi.” He sounded almost… resigned.
“Well, then… er, would you mind ‘lovers,’ just for simplicity’s sake?” Lavi
asked, and the Japanese man shivered against him. Lavi knew it wasn’t from
cold. “Oh, HOLY SHIT, I have to piss!” Lavi exclaimed, and quickly pulling on
his boxers and pants, he ran from the room. He heard an exasperated “Che” as he
left, and he couldn’t help but smile as he sprinted to the facilities.
---
As they walked into the cafeteria for dinner a few hours later, a loud cheer
erupted around them. Soldiers, Science Departmenters, Finders, and Exorcists
alike applauded and whistled. It was a quiet applause, one filled with many
winces and grimaces of pain, but it was applause nonetheless, and Lavi couldn’t
help but wave at the attention.
“Don’t encourage them,” Yuu said, grabbing Lavi’s hand from the air and
slapping it to his side.
“But Yuu…” Lavi started, but the other man glared at him, and he quieted. It
wasn’t worth Yuu’s ire.
Sitting on the bench, Lavi did his best not to smile or promote the others’
actions in any way. Justin came up and patted him on the back, and Siegfried
crawled onto his head, where he curled up and fell asleep. The redhead rather
thought this was what Allen felt when Timcanpy nested in his hair.
“How… do you all know?” He asked incredulously, and Amanda laughed
uproariously, eliciting winces all around.
“Well, you see, that’s a funny story,” she said, a bright smile playing on her
lips. She didn’t look at all hung over. “Well, when Kanda stormed out and you
followed, one of the Finders just happened to be walking down the hall at the
same time, and he was like, ‘holy shit, Kanda’s going to murder Lavi, I should
follow in case I need to stop it,’ and then he heard a bit of yelling, and then
he heard your… noises. So he went and told Allen, who told me, and I told
Darcy, who told Lolek and some soldiers, and Lolek told Miranda, who told the
Director, who told the entire Science Department, and somewhere along the line,
Allen told Justin as well, and he told pretty much everyone else, and somehow,
the rest of the Finders found out—probably from the first one—and it’s all just
one big… chain of words. Or something,” she finished lamely.
The room went silent as Lenalee walked in. Allen whispered to Amanda,
“remember, tell her and you die.” The voice was that of Allen’s infamous dark
side, and Lavi felt a shiver go down his spine. By the sudden quietness of the
room, Lavi could tell the same threat had been repeated to the entire Order.
“Morning, everyone!” Lenalee said cheerfully, taking a seat next to Yuu. “Why
are you all so quiet?”
“We’re all hung over,” Amanda grimaced, obviously acting. “Aren’t you?”
“No, I feel fine,” Lenalee said with a large smile.
“How? You had a whole bottle of tequila!” Amanda exclaimed, dropping her act a
bit. Lavi would have to instruct her in that particular art someday. She had
amazing potential.
“I really don’t know,” Lenalee replied. From the guilty look in Allen’s eye,
Lavi suspected he had replaced it with juice or water at some point. Lenalee
turned to Yuu and gasped. “Oh my God, Kanda-kun, that’s a really large bruise!”
She pointed to the base of Yuu’s neck.
Yuu froze, and Lavi fought the urge to snicker.
“Oh, that was from me!” Lavi said. At Allen’s murderous glare, his smile
withered, so he added, “I… hit him because he… broke the headboard with his
fist. Three times. I… didn’t mean to hit him that hard, though. But he’s not
upset!”
“I don’t know, he looks pretty angry, Lavi,” Lenalee commented uneasily.
“I’m just tired,” Yuu said, scowling. Lavi shivered. He was going to be killed
later. But it was worth it.
The conversation fizzled out into something that contained a little less
innuendo, and Lavi spread a good amount of strawberry jam on his morning toast.
The mood gradually changed to something darker, more somber, as everyone
remembered exactly why they were exhausted and had hangovers. Eventually, the
table fell silent, and the rest of the hall followed suit after a while. It was
the first time Lavi could remember the dining hall being so quiet, even after
some of the mass deaths of the Finders and Exorcists in the past. He looked
around and saw Vikram walk in with Emiko. He looked inconsolable, and he was
dressed in a black Armani suit.
“Everyone who wants to attend Choon-yei’s funeral, it’s in fifteen minutes in
the Science Department. The soldiers are being laid to rest there as well.
Unfortunately, we can’t send them back, so they’ll all be cremated.”
Lavi’s heart sank. How many more had died in the last week? He knew about
Choon-yei’s death, as well as the deaths of the fifty soldiers and six Finders
from Tama-chan’s group. He had heard Emiko use that nickname, and it stuck,
much to the General’s displeasure. But really, this was no time to be joking.
He grabbed Yuu’s hand and pulled him away from the bench to follow the somber
Indian Exorcist.
“Let go, rabbit,” Yuu protested as he was half-tugged, half-dragged across the
dining hall.
“No. You told me not to respect your bounds anymore, so I’m not,” Lavi said
lightly, squeezing Yuu’s hand affectionately.
“I take it back, now unhand me.”
“Don’t think I will.” When they reached the doors, Lavi swept a foot under
Yuu’s legs, twirling the man into a low dip as he fell. Smirking, he kissed Yuu
in front of the entire Order. And there was definitely tongue.
Something very solid connected with his cheek, and Lavi accidentally dropped
the other man the last few centimeters to the ground. Lavi went sprawling
backward and stared at the lights on the ceiling, blinking in bewilderment.
He watched in confusion as Amanda nonchalantly walked over and held out a hand
to his lover. A great pool of happiness filled his stomach at that particular
word, and Lavi smiled despite his precarious position on the floor. Suddenly,
he was wrenched up, and he came face-to-face with Allen, who looked like he was
holding back an evil cackle.
“Serves you right,” Allen said, his voice deep and his eyes shining with his
dark side. “You know you did that in front of Lenalee, right?”
Lavi gulped and bolted for the door. As he passed Yuu’s angry form, he thought
he heard a snicker, but Yuu didn’t laugh, so he must have heard someone else.
Thirteen minutes later, all the Exorcists and Science Departmenters had
gathered in the large hall. Lavi nearly staggered and felt his jaw drop. The
entire room was piled with coffins to be burned, and in the center of them all
was a raised casket with an ornate cross decorating its top. There was almost
no room to stand, and friends of the Finders and soldiers were pressed against
the wall, weeping. Lavi wondered how many of the caskets contained only ashes.
A small sermon was said over the fallen soldiers and Finders, and each casket
was removed until only Choon-yei’s ornate one was left. A hollow sob ripped
through the air, and Lavi looked over to see a middle-aged man with a young
couple and several small children next to him. He gazed forlornly at Choon-
yei’s casket, and a tear fell from his eye.
“She was like a mother to me,” Lavi heard Vikram sob quietly, and when he
turned to look at the Indian man, he saw Emiko holding him gently to her chest.
“It’s okay,” she whispered consolingly. Vikram shook his head, and Lavi felt
the moment was too private and looked away. His eyes immediately sought Yuu
out, and he slipped up next to the older man.
Yuu turned away in an obvious snub, and despite the fact that he deserved it;
Lavi felt a wave of depression hit him. He felt just a degree cooler. He
sniffed a little. The other man sighed exasperatedly and turned around,
glowering at Lavi.
“Don’t do it again,” he said in a dangerously low voice. Lavi nodded
emphatically. Yuu pulled him into a tiny, short-lasting hug that ended as fast
as a bolt of lightning.
And then it was time for them to see Choon-yei off on her final journey back to
Korea. As they stood outside in the light rain—it was always raining in
London—Lavi slipped his hand into Yuu’s. This time, the man didn’t pull away.
He simply remained stoic and solid at Lavi’s side. Lavi watched as Vikram gave
the young couple and kids sad hugs.
“Take care of her,” he said to them, and they nodded. “I’ll come visit her
grave when this entire mess is over.”
Long after everyone—including Emiko and Vikram, who had watched the family
until they were out of sight—had gone back in, Lavi and Yuu stayed outside in
the rain, hands clasped, simply enjoying the other’s company. Time stood still.
When they went back in, they had duties as Exorcists. Tamas’s and Lenalee’s
groups were merging in order to redouble the efforts to find Artemis, but they
wouldn’t leave until another group of soldiers and Finders arrived. But right
now, everything was frozen in place, unmoving and mournfully beautiful. The
trees were burnt orange and copper, yellow and red, and the wind was crisp.
Even though everything had a sad, bitter tinge to it, Lavi couldn’t help but
feel that everything was right: Yuu’s warm hand in his, the fall air, the
bright sky, everything.
But like every moment, it ended, and they were brought back to their duties as
they had been every day. Yuu went to train with his sword, and Lavi sat in his
room, poring over file after file of the Earl’s activities, trying to estimate
a position. Soldiers ran drills in the background, and Finders came and went.
Members of the Science Department mumbled random formulas quietly as they
developed new, more powerful weapons for the soldiers and better equipment for
everyone. If Choon-yei’s death had any meaning, it was this: the war had begun,
and it would rage, full-tilt, until one side was decimated. Lavi could only
hope it was the other one.
---
October 3, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Emiko wished Vikram would stop being an idiot and just let her in. She had been
banging on his bedroom door for about half an hour. Fed up, she opened the
door, even though ladies didn’t barge in.
“Vikram,” she began, “you’ve been in here for two days. It’s time to come
out—locking yourself up isn’t going to bring her back.”
She watched as Vikram tied a strand of something around a rarely-used set of
carnelian prayer beads. Emiko remembered them from their youth. Vikram had once
said his father had given them to him. They were different from his Innocence,
which resembled aventurine, and Emiko knew they meant much, much more. Vikram
gave out a small sniff, and when he looked up, he smiled sadly at her.
“Choon-yei’s hair—I took it back.” He sounded devious, and his smile matched
his tone. Emiko felt better about her friend. Perhaps he would be able to get
over it quicker than she’d thought.
“You would,” she said, sending a fond smile down at him. Then, she sat next to
him on the bed, legs tucked under her and slightly off to the side. “I’ve been
meaning to ask you, though, what did Choon-yei mean, ‘you need to forgive your
mother?’”
Vikram winced slightly, but he sighed. “I knew you were going to ask that. It’s
just… I… well, my mother hates me. The last thing she said to me was ‘I never
want to see your face again.’”
Emiko gasped, horrified. “Why?” She squeaked.
“She’s Christian. I’m Hindu like Dad. She took me to church with her one day—it
was the day after my dad gave me these beads,” he held them up, grimacing, “and
I was so proud to wear them that I had them on my arm when I went with her. The
Priest wanted to take them away, and I told him no. But he tried to wrench them
off my arm, and I was so angry that I kicked him.” Vikram paused, looking
around the room as if afraid someone would overhear. “In the balls,” he
finished.
Emiko snickered, but she caught herself. Ladies did not laugh at others’ pain.
“Mom got so angry, and then I got angry, too, so I ran away. Then the Exorcists
found me, and they took me to the Order before I could even clear things up
with her—not that she would want to, seeing as she hates me. I don’t think she
even knows I’m alive.”
Emiko put a comforting hand on his leg, and after a moment, he placed one of
his own atop her wrist.
“I’m sure she didn’t mean it,” she said, and Vikram shook his head.
“You didn’t see her face that day. She obviously hates me.”
“But do you hate her?” Emiko asked. There was a long silence as Vikram
considered her words.
“No,” he finally whispered. They sat in silence for a long time. Eventually,
Vikram looked at her, a grief-ridden expression on his face.
“I’m sorry,” he said gravely. Emiko raised an eyebrow.
“For what?” She asked, thoroughly confused.
“For not looking for you harder,” he said. Emiko cast her mind about, trying to
understand what he was talking about. Finally giving up, she gave him a
contemplative look.
“Looking for me?” She asked.
“It was my fault… that you disappeared,” he muttered quietly, looking down at
his lap, where his hand was now resting on hers. She realized what he was
talking about.
“That was a long time ago, it’s in the past. You were ten, there was nothing
you could have done,” she said, her voice just as hushed.
“Why aren’t you blaming me? If I hadn’t—”
“I don’t blame you. You couldn’t have done anything—”
“But I made you go with us that day. If I had just let you read, then you’d
be—”
“I’d be what, Vikram? What would I be?” Why couldn’t Vikram understand that
nothing had been his fault? Chu-chan had accepted it, but Vikram couldn’t. And
even though Emiko carried a strange self-identity because of the whole thing,
she had never blamed her friends.
“You’d be…”
“What? Normal? Because in this Order, no one’s normal, Vikram,” Emiko bit out,
laughing humorlessly in an unladylike manner.
“But it’s still my fault. We all know something happened to you in those seven
months. I mean, fuck, Emiko, we thought you were dead.” Tears were swimming in
Vikram’s eyes, and a vague thought hit Emiko that perhaps she shouldn’t push
this topic while the Indian boy was still raw and hurting from Choon-yei’s
death.
“It’s not your fault, and I’ve never blamed you. I blame Road!” There. Emiko
had said it. The one thing she had kept from everyone.
“What?” Vikram stared blankly at her, uncomprehending.
“Road… took me. It’s her fault, not yours,” Emiko said softly, looking away and
shifting uncomfortably.
“But I was the reason you were there for the taking in the first place!” Vikram
insisted, and Emiko did something she had never done before. She hauled off and
smacked him, throwing all her body weight into it.
“Stop thinking that!” She screeched, unable to contain the overflowing emotions
anymore. “Road took me and made me into a girl, and when I was returned, I
couldn’t go back to being Sasaki, because I didn’t know how, and you blaming
yourself for the whole thing isn’t helping!”
Vikram looked shocked, and he brought his free hand up to his reddening cheek.
His brown eyes were wide, and he stared at her sadly, guiltily.
“I just miss Sasaki,” he whispered. A tear fell from one eye.
“Well, you can’t have him back,” Emiko snapped. Vikram flinched. “Sasaki died
when Road forced him to be Emiko.”
“Now I think you’re just lying, because I know Sasaki’s still there. He’s still
there, because every time you get upset, your voice goes deeper. He’s still
there because when you hit me, there’s a man’s power behind it. He’s still
there because you’re not a girl.”
“Would you prefer I dress like a guy, Vikram? Is that what you want?” Emiko
shouted, wrenching her hand from his.
Vikram shook his head, and Emiko thought she saw a momentary flash of hurt in
his eyes, but it was gone before she could double-check. “I just want you to be
yourself,” he finally said, his voice soft and deep and hurt.
Emiko felt her expression soften, but she didn’t want to be worried about him
now.
“You’re a jerk sometimes, Vikram,” she said, and she stormed from the room,
tears already pouring down her face.
Slamming the door helped her mood lift a bit, but she couldn’t forget what
Vikram had said to her. I’m not a boy anymore, she thought angrily to herself,
stomping to her own room before she broke down completely in the hallway. Road
took that away from me.
She threw herself on her bed, and she cried herself to sleep, and the next
morning when she looked in the mirror, she felt different. Staring back at her
was not Emiko. For the first time since she was seven, she saw Sasaki in her
reflection. For some reason, that made her feel at peace, like something was
starting to fix itself in her broken little world of manners and femininity.
---
October 3, 2013—Noah’s Ark, Faith’s Room
The bright sun shone in through the window, riding in through a cheery breeze.
It hit Faith lightly, and it swirled around her skin, cooling her. She smiled
lightly and looked out at the beautiful day. There were no clouds, only shining
blue sky that extended on past her line of vision. Everything was so sweet and
nice and beautiful, and she suddenly wanted to share it with someone.
“Road!” She called aloud, mentally summoning her favorite sister to her. A
moment later, an ornate, quilted door appeared, and Road stepped out.
“Faith!” She exclaimed, smiling brightly and running over to give Faith a hug.
“Hi, Road.” Faith looked up at her dearest sister and couldn’t contain the
feeling of pure joy and contentment that pooled in her stomach.
“Is there anything you need, Faith?” Road asked, looking worried.
“Oh, no, not at all. I was just lonely,” Faith replied, and Road pulled up a
chair next to her.
“I miss them all, too,” she said, and Faith knew exactly what she was talking
about. All their fallen brothers and sisters—Tyki, Jasdero, David, Skin, Cyril,
Lulu, Charlie, and Sarah. True, most of them were not the nicest of people.
Faith actually despised Cyril, and she was not fond of Lulubell, either, but
she loved them all despite their faults. They were her kin, after all.
“Especially Tyki,” Faith said, smiling sadly.
“Especially Tyki,” Road echoed.
“Why the long faces, my dears ?” The Earl’s voice said, and when Faith looked
up, he was standing there, smiling widely as he always did.
“Hi, Earl!” Faith said, smiling back at him. She hadn’t seen him in a long
time. Even though she was disappointed with his plans for the Exorcists, she
still loved him, too. He was the Earl, after all. “We’re not sad, just lonely.”
“Well, I have good news for you !” He said. Road got up and grabbed Lero, who
had followed the Earl into the room. Swinging his head lightly into her palm,
she smiled.
“I’m sorry, Faith, but I have homework to do. I don’t like Geometry, so I was
procrastinating. If you need me, I’ll be back, though.” She smiled again and
created a door. Faith heard Lero’s protests until it finally closed behind the
two.
“What’s the good news, Earl?” Faith asked. Maybe he had finally given up the
idea of killing her Heart, and he would focus instead on whatever he had
originally been doing, whatever that was.
“I have a great plan this time. It’s going to be apocalyptic in proportion ,”
he informed her.
Faith furrowed her brow. “I don’t understand, Earl. What are you going to do?”
He told her, and Faith understood at once the consequences of this course of
action. It would, indeed, be apocalyptic, and it was completely unnecessary.
“Earl, I don’t think it’s a good plan. I don’t think you should do it. Please,
don’t do it,” Faith pleaded, but the Earl turned around and produced a glass of
water.
“Would you like some water, Faith ?” He asked pleasantly, ignoring her pleas.
“How did you know I was thirsty?” She asked in wonder, taking the glass and
drinking deeply.
“We are all connected here; of course I would know that Noah is thirsty ,” he
responded lightly. Faith finished off the glass, and the world began to spin.
She was so dizzy.
“I feel a bit dizzy. Earl, can you carry me to the bed?” She asked. He pulled
her gently into his arms and fulfilled her request. As she lay down, a wave of
fatigue washed over her. “I’m so tired…” she mumbled, her eyes drooping. She
blinked, trying to stay awake, but suddenly her eyes were closed.
---
The first thing Faith saw was Sarah sitting next to her, smiling serenely and
running her hands through the ancient girl’s hair.
“Sarah,” she said, smiling. She hadn’t dreamt of her in a while. Looking
around, she noticed all her fallen kin. They all stood, smiling just as
serenely as Sarah, and Faith thought they looked very glad to see her.
“Faith,” she said, and the rest of them all echoed her. “It has been a long
time since we’ve last spoken. I’ve missed you.”
“Me too,” Faith said, wrapping her arms around the older, blonde girl.
“We have much to talk about,” Cyril said, coming to hug Faith as well. The rest
of her kin followed suit, and soon they were a large mass of Noah, all hugging
and smiling. Faith’s heart swelled. She had missed them all.
“This is a nice dream,” Faith said, drinking in the sight before her. All of
her family—each member so important to her—and they were here. With her. It
could only be a dream. They were all dead, especially Sarah.
“This isn’t a dream, sweetie,” Sarah said softly, hugging Faith again. “We’re
all here with you.”
“That’s just what my dream would tell me,” Faith said, sobering a little.
Still, she couldn’t help but enjoy their company.
---
October 4, 2013—Allen’s Ark
Emiko walked out into the sunlight of Allen’s Ark’s Main Plaza. She had been
avoiding her duties after Choon-yei’s funeral, but she needed to get back to
them, and since they had nothing else to do, she decided to help train the
soldiers who were trickling slowly in. They wouldn’t all be replenished for a
few more days, but Emiko knew they all needed training right away.
Her pants felt strange and loose, far too comfortable. She hadn’t worn such
loose, relaxed clothes since she was a child. She found she missed them, even
if they were Chu-chan’s. She had a point to make to Vikram today. She was
Emiko, she was Sasaki—she was them both. No matter what form she was in, she
was who she was, and she could never go back to a younger version of herself.
Tying her hair into a low ponytail, she turned to face her small group of
soldiers.
“Okay, troops, you all are inexperienced at fighting, and I’m here to make you
better. We have a few main rules here in the Order: follow the orders of any
Exorcist, run if they tell you to, don’t fight anything higher than a Level Two
Akuma, and don’t get hit by Akuma bullets,” she said, facing each one of them
in turn. They all nodded emphatically, and Emiko didn’t know whether that was
caused by fear or by a thirst to prove themselves. She fervently hoped it was
fear. Perhaps it would keep them alive a good time longer.
“Also, you’re all going to die, so if you want to leave, we won’t blame you.
There’s one hour in the night that absolutely no one is awake for. If you
disappear, well, maybe an Akuma got you?”
It had been Allen’s idea. Allowing the soldiers the possibility of escape, of a
life, seemed very important to him. They hadn’t had a choice, and Allen wanted
the soldiers to have one. Not many of them took that option, but none of the
Exorcists ever blamed the ones who did. Except Kanda, but Emiko thought that he
was only angry that he couldn’t take the same exit. Or perhaps, Kanda just
hated deserters. Emiko shrugged infinitesimally to herself and continued
staring down the line of fresh soldiers.
She took a double take at the presence of a Japanese soldier, but she moved on,
not giving the young man a second thought.
“Alright, then, drop into push-up position, and give me twenty,” she ordered.
“Emiko?” Said a very familiar deep voice from behind her, and she looked around
to see Vikram standing there.
“Yes?” She asked archly.
“Why aren’t you in drag?” Short and sweet and to the point. Just like Vikram.
Emiko felt her anger melt away. She just couldn’t stay upset at Vikram, no
matter how much he annoyed and hurt her.
“It’s to prove a point, if you must know,” she replied haughtily, turning from
him to face her soldiers again.
“What?” Vikram sounded both hurt and confused, but Emiko couldn’t make herself
care. He deserved at least a little snub.
“What are you pansies doing? Backs straight, ladies!” Emiko barked in an
unladylike fashion. The soldiers stared at her angrily, but she ignored it,
instead kicking people into the proper position. She stomped on the head of the
Japanese kid as she passed him.
“Don’t talk,” she said. “And your head’s too high. What’s your name and rank?”
“Morikawa Hiroshi, Private First Class,” the boy responded, and Emiko lost her
balance, driving the boy’s face into the cobblestones as she fell.
“Hiro-chan?” She asked incredulously. She took the boy’s face in her hands and
stared intensely into his eyes. They were the exact same brown, and there was
that freckle beneath his eye, the one hidden by his eyelashes. Though his jaw
was stronger and his shoulders had broadened, there was no denying that this
was Hiroshi. Her dearest itouto, Hiro-chan. Tears filled her eyes.
“…Sa…sa-nii-chan?” Hiro-chan asked, his voice breathless and disbelieving. His
eyes were widened with acute wonder.
“Is that really you, Hiro-chan?” Emiko asked, patting the boy’s face in
incredulity. Why the hell was her younger brother here? Japan was the biggest
pacifist country she’d ever known. The only time they had sided in a war was in
World War Two, when the Germans had come, asking for a favor. Japan had owed
them for rebuilding their country after the Earl destroyed it, and so they had
joined the war on the Axis’s side. But beside that, Japan had remained
completely neutral in every other event.
“Sasa-nii-chan?” Hiro-chan looked as if he had seen a ghost.
“Of course,” Emiko said. Hiro-chan turned and stared at the others, who were
all on their hands and knees, slacking on their push-ups.
“Hey, guys, is there a guy here, in front of me, calling me Hiro-chan?” He
asked, and a few of the other soldiers snickered.
“’Course, mate. That’s Emiko. Don’t know why she’s not dressed all girly today,
though,” said one who had been with them since September. He had been put in
charge of this group of soldiers.
“Emiko?” Hiro-chan asked blankly, turning around and staring Emiko straight in
the eyes. “Sasa-nii-chan, what are they talking about?”
Emiko opened and closed her mouth a few times, floundering as she tried to
think of a way to explain this change. After all, she’d been a guy when she’d
been taken from home. “The war changes people. It’s how I cope,” she said,
looking away. It was an utterly incomplete explanation, and there was nearly no
truth to it.
“I don’t understand,” Hiro-chan said, and his face scrunched up in that cute
confused look he only gave her. She resisted the urge to hug him. She had
forgotten how adorable her little brother had been.
“Yeah, why are you dressed like a guy, Major Emiko?” The oldest soldier asked.
“Because I am one,” she said absently, still looking at her younger brother
with something akin to awe. He really had grown.
“I still don’t understand,” Hiro-chan reiterated. “You’re… dead.”
Emiko shook her head sadly. “I never died. I just disappeared for a while. When
I returned, the Order thought it a courtesy not to inform you.”
“Okaa-san cries every time you’re mentioned! She locks herself in her room on
your birthday! She hasn’t been the same since you left, and when you died, she
nearly cut herself off from the world!” Hiro-chan yelled, and Emiko thought she
saw tears swimming in his eyes.
“I was kidnapped, okay? And when I was returned seven months later, I thought I
was a girl! I can’t see myself as a boy anymore, and I haven’t been Sasaki
since—not the Sasaki everyone remembers. I’m a broken person—Okaa-san doesn’t
need to see that. Otou-san, either,” Emiko yelled back, and womanly tears fell
from her eyes.
“It’d still be good to know you’re alive, Sasa-nii! How did you think I felt
when I heard my nii-chan got killed in war when he was seven!”
“Probably really shitty! But that’s nothing compared to what I felt, so shut
up, Hiro-chan! I just want to forget about it!” Emiko pounded a fist into the
ground. Her voice had gone lower, lower than it had ever been before. She knew
instinctively that it was resting at what would be its normal pitch. She didn’t
like it. It reminded her of unpleasant, unladylike things. And it made her
swear.
Hiro-chan sniveled a little, but he didn’t shout back. Obviously, he realized
Emiko wasn’t going to change her mind.
“It’s okay,” he said slowly after a while, “instead of a nii-chan, I have a
nee-chan.”
Emiko smiled humorlessly. “Don’t tell Okaa-san and Otou-san, ne?”
“Why not? They should know you’re alive, at least,” Hiro-chan said.
“Because I’m probably going to die anyway! And you, too! You’re dead! Go home.
Take the hour opportunity, because otherwise you’re going to die, and I
couldn’t live with myself if I let it happen,” Emiko exclaimed, though she kept
her voice low. Hiro-chan looked troubled.
“I can’t do that,” he said quietly.
“I don’t care if you can’t. Go home to everyone. They shouldn’t have to suffer
through two children dying. Mimi-chan’s still too young to enlist, right?”
Hiroshi was bad enough, but if her little sister who had been born just months
before she’d left got involved in the war, Emiko didn’t know what she’d do.
“Mimi’s nearly eighteen. She’s planning on going to college, though,” Hiro-chan
said, and Emiko relaxed.
“Thank goodness,” she sighed, a smile breaking out on her face. “If you aren’t
going to leave, well… I couldn’t live with her death on my hands, too.”
“I’m still telling them you’re alive, Sasa-nii-chan,” Hiro-chan said, pulling a
phone from his army uniform’s pocket.
“No!” Emiko shouted, panicked, and she batted a hand out, slapping it to the
ground. Activating her Innocence, she invoked its second level and threw a
green-glowing, gray shuriken at it. It snapped neatly in two, and Emiko
immediately felt relieved. Her heartbeat was already beginning to slow from the
abrupt adrenaline rush.
“What the hell was that for, Sasaki?” Her little brother shouted, outraged.
“They can’t know I’m alive, okay? If they do, they’ll just end up losing me
again! I’m lucky I’ve made it this far! General Green is already gone, as are
two of the others, and they’re supposed to be the strongest of us. I’ve lost so
many comrades, but the Innocence can always find another host, and it does.
I’ve seen so many people die in this war, Finders and Exorcists alike, and I
don’t want to give everyone hope that I may come out of this, because I know I
won’t.” Emiko burst into tears and ran off. She didn’t know where he was, but
she needed Vikram.
She ran to his room in the Ark but didn’t see him there. Tears blinded her as
she pounded frantically down the unfamiliar hallways of the Main Branch. She
threw open random doors, one time walking in on two very tear-blurred people
doing something on a bed, until she found the still depressed-looking Indian
boy.
“Vikram!” She shouted desperately, and she threw herself into his arms,
surprising him. They fell back so that she was on top of him, but he wrapped
his arms around her nonetheless. She sobbed hard into his shoulder, clutching
at the fabric of his Exorcist jacket.
“E-Emiko? What’s wrong?” Vikram asked, his voice shocked and worried. Emiko
could only let her body buck with the force of her cries.
“I-I can’t let h-h-him stay h-here!” She wailed, pulling herself even closer.
Vikram froze and shifted his weight a moment later. It felt like he was pulling
away, and Emiko couldn’t stand that.
“Wait, what are we talking about, Emi?” He sounded bewildered. Stifling tears,
she explained what had just come to pass.
“So your brother is here?” He asked, and for some reason, his breathing was
getting slightly ragged. Emiko wondered what was wrong with him, but she
couldn’t concentrate on that. She just needed to be near him. Even if he would
never feel the same way.
“Nn.” She nodded into his chest.
“Hey, Emiko, it’s okay. He won’t tell your parents—I’ll make sure of it, okay?”
He reassured her quietly, running his hands up and down her back. She nodded
again, and he shifted once more. She clung tighter. “So… why are you dressing
like a guy again?” He asked after a while.
“I… I just wanted to show you that I’m the same person no matter how I dress,”
she said sadly, shaking her head. Laughing humorlessly, she added, “not that
you seemed to notice.”
Vikram stirred again. “I noticed,” he said, and his voice was strangled. She
lifted her head to look into his eyes, and she noticed they had darkened a bit.
“You did?” She asked softly, almost pitifully. Her voice was high-pitched
again, and it was very, very small.
“Of course,” he said, looking away. He still spoke in that strangled voice, and
Emiko wondered what was wrong with him.
“What’s wrong with—” she started, adjusting herself so that she was sitting on
his stomach. His eyes widened, and he pushed her off abruptly, running from the
room.
“Sorry, Emi! I have to pee!”
Emiko watched him leave, completely mystified. She left the room soon
afterward, following his route to the bathroom. When she entered, she heard a
gasping moan and stopped in her tracks. Oh, she thought. I get it. She made a
hasty retreat back to Vikram’s room, feeling quite pleased with herself. Maybe
there was hope after all.
---
October 10, 2013—Noah’s Ark, Faith’s Room
Faith couldn’t wake up. She didn’t know how long she’d been asleep, but she
knew it had been a while, and it had to stop. She wasn’t sleepy anymore. She
just wanted to wake up, talk to Road, have fun, and forget. Being with all her
fallen kin was nice. They were kind to her, and they all spent a good time
together, but Faith knew it wasn’t real, and she needed to get out of here. She
couldn’t feel either Road or Chaz, and though the bonds were still weak, she
should have been able to feel them. Somehow, the bonds hadn’t gone away
completely when Jasdevi was killed, and she wondered if she had unconsciously
left some of them inside of her, just in case. A contingency plan, so to speak,
in case they were killed like Sarah had been. It seemed likely.
Still, she couldn’t wake up, and she needed to. She needed to stop the Earl
from doing the horrible thing that must never be done. She needed to stop the
plan before it happened, and for that she needed to wake up.
She felt something strange in her arm, something flowing into her. IV, she
thought. It needed to be gone, because it was drugging her, keeping her under.
Why had the Earl drugged her? Had he really been lost to her? This was…
troubling. If he was no longer under any sort of restraining control, he would
never stop. He would destroy everything, and he would do it with that horrible
thing that must never be done.
The first thing that needed to happen was restoring the bonds, and Faith had a
sinking feeling that they were being hidden by the needle pumping drugs into
her arm. If she could only get rid of that, then perhaps she could wake herself
up. Elizabeth could heal her; she just needed to reach her older sister.
Maybe if I dream myself doing it, the IV will come out in real life, too, Faith
thought. Road had been able to do similar things, even before she had awakened,
and Faith knew that if she only forced it, perhaps she could actually pull it
out.
She imagined herself doing it, putting all of her will into the thoughts. She
pictured herself reaching her right hand over and ripping the tape away. She
made her picture-self pull the needle from her arm very carefully so as to not
spill much blood. Suddenly, everything was clearer. Had she done it?
Elizabeth! She called, and she felt the older woman’s presence.
Let me heal you, she said, and Faith felt the grip of the drugs loosen. Her
eyes fluttered, and suddenly, she was back in her brightly-lit room, and there
was an IV stand fallen on the floor, the concoction seeping from the needle and
onto the tiles.
She felt around for her brethren. There, on a very, very weak thread, was the
Earl, and next to him was Sarah’s severed bond. Next was Road’s, and it was
very strong. She pulled on it lightly, calling her favorite sister to her
silently. She inspected the others. Jasdevi’s was still broken, but it felt
strong nonetheless, and Faith was mystified.
“Faith!” Road bawled, slamming an ornate door open as she entered the Middle
Eastern girl’s room.
“Road!” Faith shouted, alarmed. Road never cried. Not real tears. Not these
tears. “What’s wrong? Come here, tell me!” She opened her arms up, and Road ran
into them. Gently, Faith encircled the other girl in her strong but gentle
grasp, rubbing small, light circles on her back.
“It’s horrible. Faith, you need to see this.” She looked deeply into Faith’s
eyes, and some sort of resolve hardened them. “I’m so sorry.” Tears pouring
down her face, Road pulled back, placing a hand on Faith’s chest and another on
the Middle Eastern girl’s forehead. Faith gasped as Road’s mind pushed its way
into hers. The images she saw horrified her. As Road eased back out of her mind
and into her own body, Faith stared intensely into her sister’s eyes.
“We need to stop this,” she said urgently, grabbing Road’s forearms in a firm
hold. “I need my Heart.”
***** Oddysey of the Mind *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_20—Oddysey_of_the_Mind
October 4, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
Lavi was in a pickle. It was a very large pickle. He couldn’t read. There was a
very interesting book in front of him (Lolek had recommended it), and he just
couldn’t read it. He was ninety-nine point nine percent sure it was due to the
black-haired man sitting sultrily next to him. Even though all Yuu was doing
was sitting and cleaning Akuma innards off of Mugen. It was very sultry. Lavi
wanted to throw the sword across the room and have Yuu clean him instead.
Of course, that was an impossibility. It was Lavi’s own fault, too. He should
have known better than to kiss Yuu in front of the entire Order, but the man
had looked so… seductive… while eating his soba noodles. And he had looked so
horrified that Lavi couldn’t help but give everyone a show. He was still on the
outs, as it were, because of said actions, but all in all, Lavi had thought it
was worth it. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Regardless of Lavi being in the dog house
or not, they had done little more than kiss or hold hands since that night, and
Lavi was beginning to wonder whether Yuu regretted it or not. More than
anything, though, he just wanted to hold Yuu again, because it had been so
incredibly good.
Throwing the book down with a frustrated sigh, Lavi gave up on reading
altogether. He turned to Yuu and saw the other man gazing up at him, a strange
look in his eyes.
“What is it, rabbit?” He asked, and Lavi thought he could detect a note of
concern in the Japanese man’s voice, though it was probably just wishful
thinking.
“Nothing,” Lavi said, looking away for fear of starting something Yuu didn’t
want.
“Stop doing that,” Yuu ordered. “That’s the fifteenth time you’ve looked at me
in the past twenty minutes, and every time you think I’m looking back—which I
am not—you look away. Just tell me what the fuck you want.”
“How do you know I’m looking if you’re not looking back?” Lavi asked, hoping to
get a loving, caring response and knowing he wouldn’t.
“Just answer the fucking question.”
“You,” Lavi replied simply.
“What?” Yuu asked, and from his inflection, Lavi knew the other man thought he
had said his name.
“No, Yuu, I want you,” Lavi said, averting his eye slightly and fighting off a
blush that would invariably show on his pale skin.
“I’m sitting right here,” Yuu replied angrily, and Lavi fought the urge to
laugh.
“You are too naïve, Yuu-chan,” he said, shifting his weight so that he was
leaning on the other man.
Yuu’s eyes widened infinitesimally as he understood. “Oh,” he said. “Why didn’t
you say so?”
That was a fair question, Lavi supposed.
“Because you’re cleaning Mugen. Slowly. And sensuously,” Lavi replied.
Yuu blinked. “I’m… sensuous?” He asked incredulously.
Lavi nodded. “Very much so,” he said. Yuu shook his head in exasperation.
“Che,” he muttered.
“But back to what I was saying earlier, you are incredibly arousing when you
clean off your sword,” Lavi continued.
“When did you ever say that?” Yuu asked gruffly.
“Just now.”
“Che. Well, are you going to do something about that?” He asked.
“You… want me to?” Lavi asked, confused. Since when had Yuu had a sex drive?
Lavi knew it had to be a recent development. Actually, he hadn’t expected Yuu
to have one at all—not after what his father had done to him. And yet, there it
was. Yuu was very obviously telling him to get on with it, and Lavi couldn’t
help but want to oblige.
Yuu nodded. Lavi couldn’t keep himself back any longer. He threw himself at the
older man, who quickly deactivated his Innocence. Grabbing Yuu bodily, he
turned him so he could push the other man down on the bed.
He ran his hands gently through Yuu’s hair, freeing tangles and knots here and
there. Yuu shivered and glared up at Lavi. “I’m not a cat,” he said coldly.
“But you scratch like one, Yuu-chan!” Lavi quipped cheerfully, throwing his
Exorcist jacket off.
“I am not a cat,” he hissed as Lavi worked on the buttons of the Japanese man’s
own jacket. He was finding it very difficult to do. What the hell does Yuu use
to put these on, superglue? He thought furiously as he failed a third time on
the second button. Yuu made a tiny guffawing sound. Lavi’s eye narrowed.
“Yes, you are. You get angry like one, you hiss all the time, and you like to
slice your claw—” he gestured to Yuu’s hip, where Mugen resided, “—into things,
like, say, people. You get angry all the time—oh, I mentioned that—and when you
do something right, you get this smug look on your face that tells me you’re
completely satisfied with your performance on the battlefield. You like fish—”
“Of course I like fish, I’m Japanese, and do you need help?” He stared down his
chest to Lavi’s still fumbling hands. The redhead flushed in embarrassment.
“No, I’m fine, Yuu-chan, just let me… get this… damn button…” He said, sticking
his tongue out determinedly as he failed a ninth time. “Aw, fuck it. Go ahead,
Yuu,” he finally said, lifting his hands up exasperatedly and letting Yuu
divest himself of the garment. He had it off in seconds, and he flung it off
the bed. It landed on the floor next to Lavi’s with a soft thump.
With his still upraised hands, Yuu pulled Lavi down to him by his hair, and for
the first time since the beginning of September, initiated a deep, soul-
searching kiss. Lavi was so surprised he forgot how to respond. A moment later,
as he gasped wildly for air around Yuu’s lips, he realized he had forgotten how
to breathe as well. Despite his extreme inexperience when it came to
kissing—Lavi didn’t count the abuse—Yuu was actually quite good. Or maybe Lavi
was just biased.
The door burst open, and both Yuu and Lavi looked over to the entrance. Dressed
in khakis and a dark blue polo shirt was Emiko. She—he? She wasn’t in drag
right now—let out a small sob and ran from the room, tears pouring down her
face. Lavi looked back at Yuu, and when their eyes met, they shared a what-the-
fuck glance. Yuu sighed and pushed Lavi off from on top of him. He walked over
to the door, closing and locking it before looking back at Lavi in a manner
that was somewhat predatory. He walked back to the bed, and they continued from
before, not mentioning a word about Emiko, excepting a quick murmur of
“awkward.”
Perhaps it was the implied promise of more, but for some reason, Lavi felt
incredibly light as he fell into a shallow slumber an hour later, holding Yuu
to his chest.
---
October 10, 2013—Noah’s Ark, Faith’s Room
“We need to stop this,” Faith said urgently, grabbing Road’s forearms in a firm
hold. “I need my Heart.”
Road backed up, trying and failing to pull her arms from Faith’s grip. “Your
Heart?” She asked.
“Yes, I need them, now,” Faith replied, knowing how desperate she looked and
not caring. Her Heart was the absolute number one priority.
“Your Heart isn’t inside you?” Road asked, and Faith shook her head. “Then how
are we supposed to get them here?”
“They still have bonds. I need you to bring them here. They can only come when
they’re asleep, though. Road, you need to make them fall asleep, you need to
bring them here,” she implored, knowing that her request bordered on
implausible. Forcing others to sleep was at the very edges of Road’s power. She
could draw them into her own dimension, but she had trouble putting people into
Faith’s mind.
“I don’t know if I can do it…” Road said, grimacing. “I will try, but I need to
know who they are. Can you show me the bonds?”
Faith shook her head. “I can’t feel them very well. They are the weakest of
everyone’s except for…” her voice trailed off. They both knew whose name she
had been about to speak. As always, everything led back to Sarah.
“We can deal with the Earl’s problems later, then. Road, I need you to get the
girl out of there first. I can try to distract Chaz, but I’ll need my Heart
here. When you’ve got the door open, help me call to my Heart.”
Road nodded.
Chaz! Faith called, tweaking the bond in her mind like Sebastian plucked guitar
strings. Chaz! Chaz, come here! I need you!
She nodded to Road, and the older girl created a door and left just before Chaz
entered, wearing a yellowing white shirt with numerous old and new bloodstains
upon it. He wore an old pair of loose jeans, and they, too, were nearly
dripping with the blood of that poor girl.
“What is it, Faith?” Chaz said, smiling in a disgruntled manner. His yellow
teeth were coated in something red, and Faith wanted to be sick. She didn’t
know what he had just done to the poor girl, but she knew enough about her most
corrupted brother to know it hadn’t been pleasant.
“I want to sit in the window!” She said, bringing tears to her eyes. Chaz
didn’t need to know they were tears of horror. “And I was lonely!” She raised
her voice an octave, making it thin and thready. Chaz’s eyes melted as all her
kin’s did when they looked upon her sad self. He could not refuse such a heart-
felt request.
“Alright, I’ll put you in the window, but I have things to do today, and I’m in
a hurry, so I can’t stay long,” he acquiesced finally, sounding resigned.
Faith pinched her eyes closed to make more tears. “But—but Road just made
lemonade! Remember when we used to drink lemonade together? All of us? I miss
that soooo much! Please stay and drink lemonade with us,” Faith implored, her
voice high and needy. Chaz sighed and sat down next to her. Faith smiled
triumphantly.
“Yay!” She shouted, throwing her hands up in the air. Road! She called in her
mind. Come back as soon as you’ve finished. The girl in question sent her a
mental thumbs-up.
A moment later, one of Road’s doors appeared, and the spiky-haired girl
entered.
“Where’s the lemonade?” Chaz asked nastily. Road froze, and suddenly realizing
that this was part of Faith’s plan, she clasped a hand over her mouth in shock.
“OH, NO!” she shouted overdramatically. “I can’t believe I forgot; I was in the
kitchen and everything! I’ll be right back!”
Concentrating on Road’s bond, Faith sent a message just to her. Take your time,
and don’t use your doors. I’m going to use your power to call my Heart.Road
sent her a mental nod in understanding, and Faith felt relieved.
Road returned a few minutes later with lemonade. As she reached for her glass,
Faith made sure to brush her hand over Road’s, and in that moment of
connection, she called out to her Heart.
Allen! Lenalee! I need you, come to me!
---
Allen! Lenalee! I need you, come to me! As one they stared at each other. They
opened their mouths and said simultaneously.
“Are you suddenly tired?”
“Yes,” they responded together.
They both stood up, hands meeting halfway between them, and walked into the
nearest room, collapsing on the bed, ignoring the slight lumpiness of the
bodies that were there. There was a series of surprised and strangled curses
from the lumps, but Allen and Lenalee were already too far gone to care.
I’m sooo glad we’re having lemonade! It’s just like old times! Faith’s voice
exclaimed in their head. A moment later, the dreamscape that had haunted their
sleeping mind for so long fizzled into existence. The red waters of the tainted
lake reflected in gold the perpetually crescent moon. It was so different from
Faith’s peaceful, calming room. This place was tainted. This place was Faith’s
mind.
“Faith?” They called as one. She appeared before them, transparent and ghost-
like, and they knew she was focusing most of her powers elsewhere.
“There are things you must see,” she said, gesturing to the lake. “When you
reach the bottom, you will know. Immerse yourselves.” They nodded and, holding
hands, plunged into the crimson depths.
-
The midwife smiled at them as she announced the birth of a daughter. Noah
looked down at his tired and sweaty wife.
“Faith,” he said. “Her name shall be Faith.”
His wife nodded. “Her name shall be Faith because she embodies ours.”
-
The fields were beautiful and picturesque, and the sun shown cheerfully even
though her father was lying in his darkened room, looking up at his family and
breathing his last breaths.
“Faith…” he said in a chalky voice, reaching a hand up and searching for her
with it. She took his large, rough hand in hers.
“I’m right here, Father,” Faith replied, staring down lovingly and bringing her
father’s hand to her cheek.
“Faith, everyone must remember what God has tried to make. Take my memories, my
dearest daughter, and spread them across the world. Everyone must know of God’s
sacrifice, of His love and compassion.”
Faith nodded. He moved his old, tired hand to her forehead, and his other came
up to her chest.
“It will be overwhelming, but I trust in you, Faith. I love you, remember
that.”
Memories impacted her, and she felt her head explode with all of the emotions
and memories of her father’s life. Vaguely, she remembered screaming, but when
the world stopped shining so brightly with a million memories, her father was
gone, simply disappeared. Though his body remained, those wonderful, caring
eyes were empty. Faith ran from the room. It was as if she was looking on her
own dead body. That feeling ceased, but the others did not. They were so
overwhelming. They needed release. There were so many dreams!
“Dreams! Get out! Get out, get out, get out!” She screeched, clawing at her
head until she felt Dreams slide from her body, from her mind. That was it? It
was gone?
But it wasn’t gone. She could still feel Dreams, but it was distant, and it was
no longer overbearing. It was tolerable. She breathed a sigh of relief.
-
His lips met hers softly, gently, and her heart beat so very fast, and some
strange emotion was bubbling, too strong, inside of her, begging for release.
It hadn’t happened since Dreams had escaped her mind—much to her relief—but all
of a sudden, she couldn’t keep this feeling inside of her any longer.
She pulled back, gasping. She grasped at her head, pulling hair straight out
from the roots. What was this feeling? Was it Love? Yes, that made sense. It
needed to be released. Right now.
And then it, too, was gone, and then soon, he was, too.
He told her she was strange, a heathen. She told him she was the daughter of
Noah. He scoffed, and he walked away. But her bond of love to him remained,
slowly strengthening with each new attachment she made. She knew one day, she
would have to release the bonds, too.
-
She saw a girl with long and beautiful black hair. She looked like a sister,
even though her features were so different. She also had blue eyes, and she was
very, very pretty.
Road? She asked instinctively. She didn’t understand why she knew this person’s
name, but since she was apparently dreaming, it wasn’t surprising.
Faith? The girl asked. Suddenly, her image fazed away, and Faith felt Dreams’
bond become active and strong. It flared to life, and though she heard
screaming in her head, she felt that everything would soon be alright.
Ten days later, a strange, padded red door appeared in her room, and Road
stepped out, beautiful stigmata on her forehead and her eyes still shining
impossibly blue.
-
Four years later, Sarah came to her. Envy, which she had released soon after
Love, appeared to her nearly thirty years after that. Passion soon followed,
and Pleasure was after him. They all stayed together, one big, loving family
with a heavenly crown. And they were happy.
But like all happy things, it had to end.
Faith had never loved again, and when she saw a man hanged for witchcraft, she
felt something deep inside her begging for release.
It was stronger than the others, impossibly so. Get out! She screamed at it,
and it could not be contained in a human vessel. Or in a single piece. Staring
at its perfect heart shape, Faith knew it was too strong, and she split it down
the middle. But that still wasn’t enough. With all her force of will, Faith
shattered both halves and spread them around the world. The two largest pieces
remained bonded to her in one single strand. Faith knew at once that it was her
Innocence she had shattered, and that her Heart was what held it all together.
Perhaps they could all find human hosts. That would make her happy.
-
Not all humans were innocent enough to keep Innocence inside them, and some of
it incorporated itself into objects that humans could wield, and though that
was not the same, Faith was happy.
-
It was her birthday. She’d long since lost count, as had the rest of her kin,
but they still celebrated them, because that’s what families did. In the years
since her birth, Jesus had come and gone; countries had united themselves,
conquered each other, and split apart; and the Church had gone to Rome and had
become far too conservative. They forgot about Noah. They remembered God’s
wrath, but they did not remember how strong her father had been, how God had
saved him and so many others.
She walked with Road and Sarah. The others, Faith knew, were out buying her
presents despite her adamant request for them not to. They doted on her, just
as she doted on them. They were her, and she was them. Passion—Charlie—and
Pleasure—Tyki—were out buying food in order to help Envy—Cyril—make her
birthday feast.
“Oh, let me help you,” Sarah said, bending down and helping a little child up.
He had a large cut on his knee. “Oh, you poor thing. That must hurt very
badly.”
The little boy nodded. Sarah smiled. “I know just the thing,” she said. She
bent down and placed her lips to the cut. The bond inside Faith pulled
strongly, and she watched as the cut healed itself.
“Witch!” A man shouted. Faith looked up. “Devil’s spawn!”
The man was dressed in Priest’s attire, and he was carrying a mid-sized, wooden
crucifix. It glowed green, a green that reminded Faith of her Innocence, and
the Priest rammed it straight through Sarah’s chest.
The bond shuddered and snapped like a piano string. Something very strong rose
up in her mind, scorching it, and she threw it out before she could recognize
it. She didn’t want to feel whatever it was. It was too evil, too horrible, and
it hurt her!
Sarah was gone, though, and Faith just couldn’t keep a hold on consciousness.
She still didn’t like to remember this day. So much of it was vague.
-
More memories and emotions flew up in her mind, and she released each of them.
She couldn’t deal with emotions anymore. They were too strong. Sometimes, she
could reincorporate them, but with others, she didn’t think she was strong
enough.
The Earl had found them one day. He wanted to make people suffer for what they
had done to her, and Faith agreed. It was very important that they feel the
same pain she did. And pain she felt. And Anger. She didn’t want to let Anger
out, but with a great ripping feeling, it made its way out into the world.
-
Years and years passed, and so many emotions had left her that Faith was nearly
unconscious all the time. It felt good that way. She didn’t have to worry about
things. But they forced themselves back in. Gradually, Faith began to wake up,
but then she started understanding what the Earl was doing. Everyone had turned
so black. But they were still loving, still caring.
“I don’t like it,” she told Sebastian, and the next night, he was branded a
traitor. Faith couldn’t stand it—she didn’t want her bond to him destroyed, so
she called them out of her mind. Nearly two decades later, she met the twins,
and they kept her connected to everyone, Sebastian included. Sometimes, she
thought she felt Sarah, but it was just her end of the bond, connected to
nothing.
Then Bonds was killed. All Faith felt was everything being cut—all attachments,
all friends, all kin—and she was floating. And then she was awake, and Road was
there. She looked, if possible, darker. The stigmata were hideous, and Faith’s
stomach roiled at the sight of them, as it always did. But Road was still so
kind. Faith felt a bond slither lightly back into place. It wasn’t strong, but
it was there. Slowly, the others began to do the same.
But there was something wrong with her kin. They were darker, and they were
morbid. Chaz was now sadistic and evil when he had once been kind and loving.
Faith shuddered. Sarah’s death seemed to have affected them all. She wasn’t
surprised. But Chaz…
----
“Artemis,” Road called quietly, shaking the other girl’s chest with a fist. The
mortal girl’s eye fluttered. There was no spark in it. It reminded her of how
her dear Emiko had looked when she’d dropped the poor child back at the Order.
“Chaz will be back soon. We can’t stall him for long, but if you leave as soon
as you’re able, I’ve opened a door for you that will take you right outside the
Dark Order. Close it behind you. Do you hear me?”
The girl nodded, but Road was not sure the girl truly understood. Road! Faith
called in her mind. Come back as soon as you’ve finished. Road shot her a
mental thumbs-up.
Patting the wretched girl on an uninjured-looking patch of skull, Road lay a
long-handled branding iron next to her. “To walk,” she said simply. She created
a door to the Order, leaving it opened, and stepped through a second one into
Faith’s room.
“Where’s the lemonade?” Chaz asked her rudely the second she stepped in.
Realizing this was part of Faith’s plan, she quickly acted shocked, clasping a
hand over her mouth.
“OH, NO!” She exclaimed, laying on the drama a bit too thickly. “I can’t
believe I forgot—” there was no way Chaz was buying this, “—I was in the
kitchen and everything! I’ll be right back!”
She made another door to a lemonade stand at an amusement park. The vendor
looked shocked, but Road ignored it as she always did. Take your time, and
don’t use your doors. I’m going to use your power to call my Heart. Well, it
was a bit too late for that, but she nodded back mentally anyway. Aloud, she
said in a faux-sweet voice, “I’ll have three large lemonades, pretty please.”
The man handed them over, and Road stepped back into her door.
“Thanks, mister!” She cackled as the door closed on his angry exclamations.
Once in the kitchen of the Ark, she poured the three lemonades into different
glasses and walked slowly up the stairs to Faith’s room.
“Here I am!” She exclaimed, holding the tray out. Faith and Chaz both took a
glass. As Faith’s hand brushed hers, Road felt a huge drain on her power, and
she nearly fell to the ground. With the strength of a stallion, she smiled
weakly and sat down, taking the last glass for herself. It shook in her hand.
Faith talked in a tiny voice, obviously concentrating on calling her Heart to
her—whoever that was. Sipping on her lemonade, she felt rather nostalgic. She,
too, missed those lazy afternoons by the window when they all drank lemonade
and talked about the crazy things Tyki and Charlie would do.
They made small talk for a while, but after a few minutes, Faith went silent.
She stared, unseeing, into her dripping glass of lemonade. Her eyes were blank,
as if she was concentrating very, very hard on something, and the longer she
sat motionless, the more agitated Chaz became.
“I need to use the restroom,” he said, excusing himself. Road grabbed his arm,
trying to lay on Faith’s charm.
“Don’t leave, Brother! It’s Faith! She wants us to drink lemonade together, and
I think we should!” She even threw in a little cutesy smile that had won her
tremendous points with her teachers.
Chaz’s eyes narrowed. Obviously, he realized something was up. “Well, I’ve
finished my lemonade, and I really should be on my way…”
“Please stay with us, Brother! Faith never gets to see you ‘cause the Earl
keeps you so busy. She just wants to catch up. After all, isn’t she the most
important?” Road made her eyes big and wide. She couldn’t use any of her power
to influence, because Faith was using it, but she monitored her doors very
closely. One door in particular had yet to close, and Road was starting to get
a little nervous.
Chaz rolled his eyes, sighing. “I just need to go to the bathroom. I’ll be
right back.” He left the room, bent over a bit as if he was holding back a
massive pee. Road sympathized.
Faith’s eyes rolled back into her head, and tears started pouring down her
face. Road caught her as she swayed from the chair.
“Chaz!” She called, finding her bond to Faith and following that through to her
least favorite brother. “Chaz, Faith’s fainted; I need you to help me get her
onto the bed!” Which, of course, she didn’t.
Two minutes later, a Level One Akuma appeared in the room, and Road felt the
first sliver of dread snake its way into her system. Faith! She cried, casting
her mind out to find her doors. She found the one she needed and looked at its
surroundings. The girl was out of the dreary room—a trail of blood droplets was
testament to that—but she hadn’t closed the door.
FAITH! She screamed. FAITH, CHAZ IS GONE, AND THE DOOR IS STILL OPEN!
Her power returned in a rush to her, and Faith leapt up from Road’s ashen arms.
“What!?” She yelled, both physically and mentally.
“We need to get down there. I don’t care what the Earl does to me. He can
punish me all he wants; he’ll forgive me eventually. You said you didn’t want
this girl to die, and I’ll do what I can,” Road said, dressing Faith in
something not suited for bed. Pulling her powers together in a spot in front of
her, she created a door, and the two of them stepped through it and into
Artemis’s torture chamber. Road looked around for any sign of Chaz and froze.
Something about the room was different.
“Faith,” she said breathlessly, her heart pounding in fear for the little human
girl, “the cross isn’t on the ceiling.”
Faith’s mouth opened in horror, and Road heard her thought. Surely he doesn’t
mean to… to—
“He does,” Road confirmed aloud.
“My Heart’s close enough to stop it,” she said. Doing the math in her head,
Road realized that her Heart was either in the London suburbs or an Exorcist.
“I can bring your Heart back to you now that I don’t have to concentrate on the
doors, but you need to tell me who it is,” Road said urgently, grabbing her
sister’s wrist.
“It’s Allen and Lenalee!” Faith yelled. Road gaped.
“Allen… Walker? And that bitch he’s too close with?” She asked incredulously.
Faith narrowed her eyes and stared angrily at her.
“Don’t call my Heart a bitch—and yes, that’s them. Call them to me, please!”
The note in Faith’s voice was so desperate that Road didn’t even want to fight
the compulsion to act. Instead of creating a corporeal door, she created one
into the mind of the two Exorcists. She was surprised to find herself in the
world Faith never went to.
“Allen! Lenalee!” She called. A voice laughed, and a pair of arms encircled her
from behind, making her scream.
“Road! Missed ya, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal!” Sebastian proclaimed, squeezing her
tightly to his chest. Road let herself relax into it for a moment.
“Bastian,” she said fondly, reaching back and patting him on the head. “What
are you doing here?”
“I’m here ‘cause Allen’s here,” he said. He frowned and added, “I’m stuck in
his head.”
Road winced. “I’m so sorry, Bastian, I know how hard that must be for you.”
He nodded and let her go. “Why are you here? Last I knew, Allen… does not enjoy
your company.”
Road smiled. That was putting it lightly. “I’m here because Faith needs them,
and they need to see through this door.” As she said that, she erected a window
to her own mind. Everything she saw they would see. “Get them here, please,”
she said and left. She felt them at the little window to her mind a moment
later.
“All done, Faith,” she told her sister as she reached her mind again. “Oh, God,
Faith!”
She felt both Allen and Lenalee flinch from the sight she was transmitting to
them. Chaz had Artemis slung unceremoniously over his shoulder, a large, wooden
cross leaning against the other. To everyone’s mutual horror, he had three
large nails in his teeth, and he climbed quickly up the side of the mountain.
Fresh blood flooded the fabric of Chaz’s already ruined shirt from a large
wound in Artemis’ side. Her legs scraped against the rocks, leaving a trail of
gore. He made fast progress and was soon at the precipice, throwing the poor
child roughly onto the ground. Road heard a series of small cracks and wondered
if the girl was lucky enough for them to have been her spine. Obviously not,
because as Chaz lifted her onto the cross, which was now on the ground, and
began to push the nails through her wrists and ankle, she screamed out.
That was all it took. In a moment, Allen and Lenalee’s presence was ripped from
her mind as the two awoke, screaming. Road dissolved the window in their mind
and fell down onto the bloodied bed. Her hand fell into a sticky pile, but she
was too worn out to be disgusted. Her eyelids felt like lead, and her limbs
seemed to have weights around them. All Road could do was fall deep and hard
into a heavy, well-deserved sleep.
---
The rabbits were eating carrot soba. This confused Yuu, because carrots didn’t
go in soba, or at least, not in the actual noodles. Unfortunately, the rabbits
didn’t seem to know this, and they ate their orange buckwheat noodles with
little happy, fluffy grins. One came up to him with a bowl of the strange food
and offered it to him on outstretched, half-gloved hands.
“Ne, ne, want some, Yuu-chan?” It asked, and Yuu was confused. It sounded just
like his rabbit. Looking down at the tiny, cute little creature, he saw an eye
patch covering its right eye. He blinked. Accepting the soba, he sat down on
his knees and began to eat it. All in all, it wasn’t bad, if a bit carrot-y.
Perhaps the stupid rabbit would like to try it sometime…
“ITA! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!”
Something very hard and very bean-sprout-shaped hit him square in the chest,
upsetting his dream-bowl of carrot soba.
“Allen?” The stupid rabbit’s voice questioned blearily. He got no response, but
Yuu heard a light snore in its place.
“Allen? Aaaallen? Allen? Moyashi? Alleeeeen!” Lavi called, poking the boy’s
stupid, skinny-ass chest. A soft mumble came from a higher voice, and Yuu
froze.
“Lenalee?” He asked, pushing Moyashi off of the bed and pulling on a pair of
boxers and pants. Sure enough, both Allen and Lenalee slid to the floor, hands
clasped in what could only have been a mutual death grip. He heard a rustle of
fabric as Lavi, too, dressed himself. A moment later, the lights blared into
existence, and Yuu squinted in momentary blindness.
“What the fuck are they doing in here?” He asked gruffly as Lavi slid on his
newly fixed eye patch. Pulling the limp bodies back onto the bed, Yuu added to
Lavi, “You didn’t lock the door again, did you?”
“I think it’s a good thing I didn’t—look,” Lavi replied unapologetically,
pointing down at the two sleepers on the bed. Yuu looked down and did a double-
take. Spreading across both of their foreheads was a light, elegant stigmata
that radiated a comforting warmth.
The door burst open again, and Amanda and Darcy ran in.
“Sorry,” the Infernal Girl said, panting and supporting herself by a hand on
the door frame. “We heard screaming, and it didn’t sound like sex, so we came
over. What happened?”
She was dressed in a bra—thank God—and a pair of shorts. Darcy was worse,
wearing only a pair of boxers emblazoned with four-leaf clovers. He was
carrying a pair of pants, which he absently stepped into. Yuu scoffed and
turned away, going through his drawers. Finding a shirt that had shrunk too
small in the wash, he tossed it over to Amanda, who put it on, still breathing
heavily.
“What’s going on?” Amanda repeated, and Lavi pointed again. Both members of the
idiot couple stared.
“They’re beautiful,” Amanda whispered in a hushed, awed tone. Much as he didn’t
want to, Yuu agreed, and from the looks on everyone else’s faces, they did,
too.
“How did they get here?” Darcy asked, making the first sound since he’d entered
the room. Yuu looked over at him, shrugging.
“They woke us up,” Lavi explained. “And when we tried to wake them up, they
wouldn’t. From the stigmata, I’d guess that they’re being possessed by a Noah
or something.”
Amanda shuddered.
“I don’t think so,” Yuu said.
“Eh? Why not, Yuu-chan?”
“Look at their skin,” the Infernal Girl said, pointing. Lavi’s visible eyebrow
rose past his hairline.
“The stigmata wouldn’t look so… so…” Yuu made a helpless gesture, but everyone
nodded. They understood.
“Perhaps this is the beginning of the Noah-possession process?” Lavi suggested,
but he shook his head a moment later. “No, that can’t be right—they get sick,
and the stigmata ooze blood. This seems…” Lavi stopped, apparently lost for
words.
“Holy,” Darcy finished for him. Everyone nodded solemnly in agreement. They
stood vigil in complete silence for several minutes.
“They’re crying,” Amanda said suddenly, and Yuu turned away from Lavi to see
twin tears falling from their eyes simultaneously.
“I think we should separate their hands,” Lavi suggested. “They’re not getting
enough blood—look how purple their fingertips are.”
Yuu brought their hands up into his and tried to pry Moyashi’s skinny little
fingers from Lenalee’s delicate ones. They wouldn’t budge, and Yuu scowled at
them.
He felt Lavi’s breath in his ear. “Need help, Yuu?” He asked, a smile in his
suggestive voice. Yuu grunted angrily but stepped back to allow Lavi a chance.
He held back a snicker as Lavi’s face grew increasingly more frustrated and
red. One of his bare feet came up used Allen’s face for leverage.
“Lavi, what are you doing?” Amanda exclaimed, sounding horrified. Yuu didn’t
understand why. He thought it was hilarious. Lavi stepped back.
A moment later, they started to scream. As one, Yuu, Lavi, Amanda, and Darcy
flinched and made to cover their ears. Lavi tried to muffle the sound by
putting an ear to Yuu’s chest, but Yuu staggered backward as both Allen and
Lenalee sat bolt upright, eyes snapping open. Lavi fell to the floor.
The white-haired boy and the black-haired girl looked at each other, eyes still
wide, and they whispered in identical, horrified whispers, “Artemis!” Jumping
up from the bed, still holding Lenalee’s hand, Allen created a door to the
outside.
“All available Exorcists, please report to the front gate immediately. We have
a Noah on premises. I repeat, all available Exorcists, report to the front gate
immediately.” Since when did the Director’s voice come from the wall? But Yuu
couldn’t think that because he and the others were already following the odd
pair through to wherever Allen’s door led.
Yuu saw Lavi freeze for a moment in the corner of his eye. He fell to the
ground and started shaking uncontrollably, clutching at his head. As much as
Yuu wanted to stop, as much as he needed to, he couldn’t. He was an Exorcist,
and he had a duty to take out the Noah that had—
And then he understood why Lavi had lost his composure. The Stupid
Druggie—Artemis—was leaning forward, her wrists and solitary ankle nailed onto
a cross. She was breathing as if choking, and with each racking cough, blood
spewed down her chin and out from her chest and wrists. She wore a crown of
metal thorns that seemed to be soldered to her head, judging from some of the
dripping metal. Yuu had never before seen a crucifixion, and he fervently
wished this was a dream so that he could still claim that status.
“You have gone too far, Brother,” Allen and Lenalee spoke together, both of
their voices low and dangerous and their tones and inflections matching the
other’s completely. Shivers went up Yuu’s spine as Lavi curled further into
himself, shaking harder. Yuu took a step back as the two most powerful
Exorcists activated their Innocence at the same time. The world flashed in a
golden light as Allen drew his sword and Lenalee’s boots sprang to life on her
legs. They were like liquid gold, shining and forever beautiful. Allen’s sword,
although possessed with Noah, was not tainted and rent with marring, black
fissures.
“It is Faith’s will that we stop you,” they said with a darkly melodious edge.
Raising his sword, Allen advanced too quickly toward the terrified-looking
Noah. A door appeared at Chaz’s right side, but Allen threw his sword to stop
the Noah’s progress, missing the side of his face by mere millimeters. Lenalee
took the opportunity to kick Strength in the face. It made a satisfying crunch
as it caved in under Lenalee’s attack. Another door appeared on Strength’s
other side, and gold streaked through his torso as he made a break for it.
Allen pulled his blade outward, away from the Noah’s chest, and a large chunk
of skin and bone came with it. Grabbing his mutilated side, Strength ran in,
attempting to close the door behind him. But Allen and Lenalee followed. The
door closed before Darcy could make it. Amanda was tending to Artemis, whose
cross had been cut from its upright position. Miranda was there, thankfully,
and she took the younger girl’s time immediately.
Yuu walked over to Lavi, who was now hyperventilating where Allen’s door from
the Ark had been. He was curled up on the ground, his knees up to his chest and
his hands to his head, spreading dirt on his new Exorcist jacket. Every few
moments, he gave out small, shaking whimpers that wailed out in tandem with his
shaky, too-fast breaths. Kneeling down, Yuu placed a hand on the other man’s
shoulder. Lavi flinched away, and Yuu felt a shallow ache stab through his
chest.
“Lavi, it’s okay—” was he really saying that? “—it’s over.”
Gradually, the redhead began to calm down and relax his position. The entire
time, Yuu ran a comforting hand over the man’s back. When Lavi looked up, Yuu
could see the evidence of recently-shed tears on his face. He didn’t care,
though, and pulled Lavi into a tight hug. The other man obviously needed it.
“It’s okay, Lavi,” he said quietly into the man’s ear. He felt Lavi’s arms come
up lightly around his waist. A moment later, Lavi’s hands were tight, his
fingers digging deeply, painfully, into his back, drawing blood in some places.
He still held Lavi, though, allowing him to regain the composure he had lost.
“Is she okay?” Allen asked as he and Lenalee stepped off the enemy Ark, looking
quite like themselves, although the holy stigmata remained.
Yuu watched Amanda look up shakily from her friend. “The medics have yet to
arrive, and I don’t want to take the nails out until they get here.”
“She’ll be fine while she’s under my time,” Miranda commented.
“Yes, but when she’s let out from your Innocence, the wounds will bleed freely
with nothing there to stop it,” Amanda said in a dull, matter-of-fact voice.
Yuu knew that voice. It was the one Lavi used when he was trying to suppress
all emotions. It was the voice of Lavi the Bookman.
---
Sebastian hated being in Allen’s head. He hated the lack of freedom, the lack
of movement. He hated that he had no control. That’s why he liked music: it was
free. He was meant to be free. He had always been free for Faith. He wanted to
help her, because she couldn’t help herself anymore, and unlike last time, he
wasn’t alone in his fight for her. He prodded his way to Allen’s awareness.
Want help? He asked as he was pulled away from Faith’s world and back into
Allen’s head.
Please, Allen and Lenalee responded together. Sebastian smiled. There would be
twice the freedom this time.
This will hurt, he said as the two Exorcists flew through the gate Allen had
created. He sent a ripple of power out into both bodies, and he felt them react
to it. Surprisingly, neither made a sound, and Sebastian choked out a strangled
breath when he saw why. Using Allen’s eyes, he looked at Lenalee and discovered
the light brush of stigmata that Faith wore. This was indeed a holy day. He’d
never thought he would see it again. Let us defeat this Brother for Faith, he
told the two connected Exorcists. They nodded gravely and stopped running,
standing before their Fallen Brother.
“You have gone too far, Brother,” all three of them said in unison, and
Sebastian added a haunting melody to it. As one, Allen and Lenalee activated
their Innocence. Sebastian threw his power down to the weapons as if they were
extra appendages, and they glowed a magnificent, shining gold. Allen pulled his
arm out to create an equally golden sword. It held none of the deep, marring
fissures that had marked Sebastian’s power when Allen had fought Tyki. Was it
because he was fighting for Faith again? That must be it.
“It’s Faith’s will that we stop you,” they all sang darkly. The Innocence
weapons pulsed subtly for less than a second. Anyone with sharp senses would
probably notice it, but it was otherwise invisible to the naked eye.
Sebastian powered up Allen’s sword as he threw it at their now-running brother.
Chaz opened a door to his Ark. He jeered angrily in Allen and Lenalee’s head as
it missed Chaz by a hair. Literally a hair. Infuriated, Sebastian urged Lenalee
into action, and as she kicked out at the repulsive relative, he increased its
strength and speed, crushing their kin’s face. Chaz opened a second door and
made to go for it.
Get away from my Ark, you piece of shit excuse for a relative! Sebastian
screamed in Allen and Lenalee’s head. He had Allen’s sword recalled and stuck
it through their relative’s side. He pulled it away. Ribs, skin, and muscle
weren’t really that necessary to have. They’d grow back, at any rate.
The gate began to close, and Sebastian froze it in place. Lenalee and Allen
slipped inside, actively pursuing Chaz, who seemed to have disappeared.
Following the increasing pools of blood, Sebastian nearly screamed for both of
them to stop as Faith appeared around a corner.
Placing a hand on each of their shoulders, Faith smiled at them. “I am glad you
three have helped, but please go back to yourselves. This is not who you
are—any of you. You are not killers, please don’t become one just for Chaz. I
shall deal with him. Please go back and help your friend; she is most in need
of your assistance.”
Allen and Lenalee nodded and pushed lightly at Sebastian’s presence. Sebastian
sighed and gave a little, two-fingered salute.
Thanks, Allen and Lenalee said as Sebastian left to go to his little niche at
the back of Allen’s head.
“Please continue your efforts against the Earl. I… know what he is up to, and I
am going to try to stop it. If I cannot, will you please help me?” Faith asked,
looking down almost innocently. Perhaps it was the presence of her Heart, but
she seemed much younger today.
Sebastian, Faith added in his… existence. Your bond is getting much stronger. I
think, if you wanted, I could put you in my own head.
I think I can do more here, Sebastian replied, disappointed. Though it had very
few freedoms, Faith’s head was always fun to be inside. Her thought process and
the number of bonds was fascinating, and Sebastian could look at the piano
string-esque cords all day. They were so beautiful, and when he plucked them
just right, the others would get angry, and that was funny.
You’re so independent, Sebastian, Faith said fondly, giving him a mental smile.
Of course I am. After all, I’m your Freedom, he said cheekily, smiling brightly
at her.
Come back sometime. I miss having you in my head.
I don’t! Road interrupted from a window in his existence. He swatted it away
with a mental gesture. Sticking a mental tongue out at him, Road disappeared
with the window.
Well, I do, so come back sometime, Sebastian. Promise me? She asked, holding
out a pinky. Sebastian linked his pinky with hers, and they shook.
It’s a promise, he responded, and then she was gone and he was left to his very
lonely thoughts as the dregs of Allen’s mind whirled and whorled around him
like waves of mist.
---
He held Lavi close to him as the sterile air of the hospital room and the
copper smell of blood mixed potently under his nose, making it itch
infuriatingly. The Infernal Girl was next to the Stupid Druggie. Although
Miranda’s Innocence was in effect, all the girl did was stare. She barely even
blinked, and her breathing was slow and shallow. Yuu recognized this
expression, too. She was beyond repair. Perhaps, if she survived, Yuu would
secretly go up to visit her—he would even leave Lavi behind—and talk to her.
Perhaps, if she heard about his past, she would find a kindred spirit and a
will to live. That was what he had needed back then, and he was sure that she
would need it, too—someone to just sit and listen, someone who never asked,
someone who just knew, someone who would just accept what happened and not feel
any fucking pity, someone who accepted that after going through all that, a
person could never be the same.
He wondered if she would try overdose. Yuu had, of course, but he hadn’t taken
enough to be too much for his body, which broke down all foreign substances. He
couldn’t stay under anesthesia longer than a few minutes as his body became
accustomed to its composition and switched its attack to eliminate it
completely. He couldn’t take a ridiculous amount of cocaine—which he had
actually tried, much to General Tiedoll’s disgust. Later, Cross had come up to
him and congratulated him on getting doped up, though Yuu hadn’t cared.
“Artemis, please say something,” Amanda pleaded, her tears falling onto her
best friend’s hand, which she was holding in both of hers.
Artemis blinked. “Mandy,” she said in a gravelly voice that sounded like it
hadn’t been used in weeks, which, Yuu thought, was probably the case. After
all, the best way to stop the pain was to ride it out, ride so far above or
below it that you weren’t even inside yourself anymore. “Mandy, it hurts.”
“I know, hon, I know, but you’re gonna be okay now, we got you back.” More
tears hit Artemis’s hand.
“No, I’m not. I’m dying, and I feel it. I want it, because the way I am now is
me at my best. This is my best now, Mandy. This isn’t life. I don’t want it.
You know where my drug stash is. Even if I live, I’ll just use it the second I
get out of here.” Artemis’s voice was flat, monotone. It wrenched a bit at
Yuu’s growing heart. He knew exactly what Artemis was going through. He wanted
to add that perhaps she would continue to get better after her best, but it
sounded so plainly optimistic and encouraging that he knew it would have no
effect on the ailing girl.
“But—but I can’t i-imagine a life with-without you in it,” Amanda blubbered.
Artemis squeezed her hand lightly.
“It’s what I want. I don’t blame you—or you, Lenalee.” She looked up at the
girl on her other side and attempted something that turned into the ghost of a
smile. It was empty, devoid of all real emotion, just a gesture. “It was my
fault anyway.”
“No,” Lenalee protested in a small groan. “It wasn’t. Don’t tell yourself
that.”
“Yes, it was. I thought he was a doctor. I trusted him, even though that’s not
what Exorcists are supposed to do. I let him separate us. I let him take me
from the rest of you. By the time I realized, it was too late for me to attempt
an escape.”
“Don’t tell yourself that,” Amanda told her sternly, but Artemis shook her head
slightly.
“I am not blaming myself, I am just admitting a weakness. I am at fault, and I
am accepting that,” Artemis said, and her flat voice was starting to become
hauntingly similar to Yuu’s at age ten.
“Fuck, Artemis, what did he do to—” Amanda started, but Yuu stepped hard on
Lavi’s foot, and the redhead’s responding yelp of pain cut the rest of her
sentence off.
“Yuu, what the fuck was that--?”
“Shut up, rabbit.” He gave Lavi a significant look, which Lavi returned. They’d
talk about it later.
Miranda cleared her throat in the background, and everyone looked over to her
corner of the room.
“I can’t… there’s too much damage, and I just can’t…” She sounded hopeless.
There were only seconds, then, before Artemis’s time had to be released.
Surprisingly, Lolek came up to her and held her shoulders.
“There’s nothing we can do,” he told her quietly, and Miranda nodded sadly,
tears now pouring down her face, too. Really, what was with females and the
overactive tear glands?
A doctor came up and emptied a syringe of Morphine into Artemis’s IV. She
nodded thankfully at the white-coated professional and then turned back to
Amanda.
“Listen, Mandy, there’s nothing you can do. I’m dying, and I want to. Just…
know you were the best friend ever. You too, Lenalee, you’re a great friend.
Oh, and before I forget, just tell him. He’ll understand—he’ll probably feel
the same way. Just do it now before it’s too late. Mandy, I see Darcy behind
you. You guys still together?”
Amanda nodded tearfully, making a small hiccoughing noise.
“Good. You guys are good as a couple. Stay together. Allen, you better beat the
bastard, or I’ll kill you once you’re down in Hell with the rest of us.” She
attempted a laugh, but it fell flat, just like everything else she was saying.
“Lolek—just fuck Miranda already, and Miranda, don’t you dare say ‘I’m Sorry,’
‘cause I’m not. And also, let your hair down a bit. I’m sure you’re a really
charming girl under all the stress. Lavi, Kanda, get a room. Please. Tamas,
thanks for bailing me outta jail so much. Generals, keep kicking ass like you
always do—and tell Cyrah I’ll miss her like she still misses that snakeskin I
stole.” There was a hearty chuckle at that last bit, and Yuu wondered vaguely
what had happened.
The Morphine seemed to start working then, as Artemis’s voice started to fade.
“Mandy,”
“Yeah?”
“Promise me…”
“Promise what?”
“Promise me… that you won’t let… John see…”
Yuu didn’t know who the hell this John was, but he was obviously important, as
actual emotion was stirred subtly in Artemis’s voice before her eye fell
closed.
“Of course, Artemis. You know I’ll do it.”
“Thanks,” Artemis said, and a small smile graced her lips for just a second.
Yuu had the nagging feeling it was genuine and was glad that she was still able
to smile as she died. It was something he didn’t think he had the confidence to
do. Not that he would tell anyone that.
“I love ya,” Amanda whispered, her voice choked with tears.
“Me too,” Artemis mumbled. There was a sigh as Miranda released Artemis’s heavy
time. The heart monitor went crazy, and as the doctors prepared a crash cart,
it leveled out. They went to shock her, but Amanda held out a hand, placing it
atop the main doctor’s wrist.
“She wouldn’t want it,” she said quietly. “She’s always been DNR.”
“It says here on her papers—”
“Fuck the papers! Let her fucking die!” Amanda screamed. Darcy came up behind
her and wrapped his arms around her chest and middle, pulling her from the
room.
Yuu led Lavi from the room as the doctors attempted to revive the girl. He saw
a shuriken appear out of nowhere and pin the main doctor to the wall. Lenalee
charged forward, and in a surprising demonstration of strength, ripped him from
the wall and tossed him out the door. She turned to the heart monitor, and a
sigh of relief went around the entire group as she turned it off. The other
doctors sank back from her testing glare, and they scuttled from the room,
taking the main doctor with them as they passed his still form.
Amanda was still screaming hysterically as Darcy pulled her back to her room
inside the actual Headquarters. Yuu pulled Lavi toward his own quarters and
seated him on the bed. Yuu kneeled on the floor and divested the other man of
his boots, inspecting the foot for any damage. Thankfully, there was none.
“Why?” Lavi asked, and Yuu knew what he meant.
“I needed to interrupt that Infernal Girl before she asked something stupid. We
all saw what happened to her, and she didn’t need to relive it moments before
her death. Nothing’s broken, so suck it up,” Yuu explained, patting Lavi’s bare
foot and standing up.
“You’re mean, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said.
“And you’re still shaking,” Yuu responded. Lavi looked at his arm, confused.
“I… am. Wow,” he muttered, and Yuu didn’t know if the comment was for him or
not.
“Explain. Now,” he said gruffly, sitting next to Lavi and pulling the man’s
head down, where it shook in his lap. He ran his hands silently and slowly
through Lavi’s hair, waiting for the other man to speak. It took so long that
Yuu thought Lavi had fallen asleep and was actually drifting off himself before
the other man finally spoke.
“I… I’ve seen crucifixion before. And I did nothing. I saw…” Lavi shook his
head and tried to turn away. Yuu forced Lavi’s face to look back up toward the
ceiling. Lavi’s eye was closed, and Yuu saw a tear flow past the limits of the
eye patch. “I… fuck. I don’t want to talk about it.” He tried to get up.
Pulling him back down and holding him in place, Yuu growled. “Too fucking bad.
Tell me now.”
Still shaking, Lavi continued, and everything came out in a rush. “I… saw kids
of about five or six… getting crucified, and Bookman wouldn’t let me help them,
and I wanted to, but I couldn’t! He held me back, and I don’t even know why the
fuck those kids were getting such a punishment, but they were, and I couldn’t
help them!”
Yuu pulled the other man up and into his arms. Lavi shook like a leaf, but Yuu
held him steady against his chest. Eventually, Lavi fell into a troubled, light
sleep, and Yuu took the time to undress the other man down to his boxers.
Placing him carefully under the covers, Yuu stripped and got in the bed. He
didn’t sleep well that night—no one in the Order did.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N. Yeah. Um. If you got a bit confused with the Allen/Lenalee
     pronoun things, just go with it. Also, we suffered from extreme
     dyslexia reading this while editing, so give us a break if we failed,
     ne? ^_^
***** I Have Friends in a Holy Place *****
Chapter_21—I_Have_Friends_in_a_Holy_Place
October 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
“Yuuuuuuu!!! I can’t get these goddamn pants on!” Lavi complained loudly as he
hobbled around the room, struggling with the zipper to his new, formal uniform.
They had all received new uniforms for Artemis’s funeral, and apparently,
Lavi’s was a few sizes too small. All of them consisted of a variation of black
leather pants; long, knee-high black boots; a dress shirt; and a leather
jacket. Their ranks in the newly-formed Coalition Army were pinned on their
lapels.
“Welcome to my life, rabbit.” Yuu snorted, walking over to the struggling man
and unceremoniously yanking upward on Lavi’s waistband.
“Gott im Himmel!” He squeaked, arching away from Yuu’s hands.
“What the fuck?” Yuu asked, grabbing Lavi’s belt and threading it through the
waistband.
“I can’t breathe,” Lavi choked out, his voice still high. “I can’t move,
either.” He leaned back onto Yuu’s chest, and the Japanese man rolled his eyes
and scoffed.
“Stand up straight,” he ordered, leaning forward and buckling the belt. “And
put a shirt on, we’re going to be late.”
“I can’t…” Lavi whined.
“You’re useless,” Yuu muttered, scowling. He tossed Lavi his dress shirt and
held up his new jacket.
“’S’not my fault,” Lavi pouted, tears of pain still swimming in his eye. He
held his arms out, and Yuu reluctantly slipped the too-tight jacket over them.
Lavi grimaced. “I can’t lift my arms,” he sniveled.
“Get over it.”
“I’m serious! Look!” Lavi insisted. He tried lifting his arms, and the fabric
strained comically. Yuu suppressed a loud guffaw. He didn’t understand why, but
Lavi’s inability to get dressed properly was quite amusing. He turned Lavi to
face him and forcibly wrenched the other man’s hands up above his head. He
heard the distinctive squeak as the leather stretched.
“There. Now, are you coming or not?” He walked out of the room and saw Amanda
and Darcy looking in. He saw a small smile on Amanda’s face, but her eyes
belied any amusement.
“Wait! Yuuuuu!”
But Yuu walked off with the other two Exorcists. The lazy rabbit could follow
once he was dressed.
The main entrance, where the funeral was being held, was decked out in somber,
black wall hangings and curtains. The Order’s large, silver cross was draped in
the same fabric, and beneath it was Artemis’s casket. It was made of a
splendorous oak, and it was ornate in a way that suggested wealth that the
Order did not have. In the first row of seats was a short man with graying hair
and an equally short, gray woman. Beside them was a well-built boy of about
Artemis’s age and two children who could have passed as Artemis’s siblings. The
three eldest looked disconsolate, though the children smiled and acted as if
they had no idea their sister had just died.
One ran up to Yuu’s group as they entered and attached itself to his legs. He
scowled down at it.
“Get off,” he growled, tempted to activate his Innocence.
“Don’t be mean to the poor kid,” Amanda said in a monotone, detaching the child
from his leg and walking over to the parents.
“Are you Artemis’s parents?” She asked quietly, handing the child back to them.
“Yes,” the woman said, taking the child. “Angie, don’t run around,” she added
to the girl. “Go play with Xander.” She put the kid down, and the girl ran off
with the smaller child.
“She talked about her siblings a lot, said they were the best,” Amanda said,
gesturing to the ornate coffin.
“Who are you?” The woman asked, sounding offended.
“Amanda—your daughter was my best friend.”
The man, who was sitting down, raised an eyebrow. The older boy stood up.
“You’re Amanda?” He asked, holding out a hand.
“Yes, and I assume you’re John?”
The older boy nodded gravely, and a tear fell from his eye. Yuu assumed he
wasn’t a sibling. It was obvious from the way Artemis had said his name, and
his reaction to her death fit with the loving tone. He was either a best friend
or a lover, and Yuu was inclined to think the latter. Not that he cared.
Lavi shuffled in, carrying his boots in one hand, as the lights dimmed
momentarily. An old, wrinkly priest walked out in front of the casket and stood
in front of a podium.
“We will begin shortly,” the old man wheezed. “If you would all take your
seats…”
Lavi reached Yuu’s side and stared nervously at the chair.
“What?” Yuu hissed, pushing Lavi down into it. Lavi squawked loudly.
“Yuu, I don’t bend that way!” He protested in a weak, plaintive voice.
“Shut up, Baka Usagi.”
“But Yuuu—”
“Shut up!”
Lavi’s eyes teared up, but Yuu was sure it was had nothing to do with the
stupid druggie who lay in the coffin. The priest went through the whole death
spiel, and Yuu tuned it out, instead watching Lavi as he struggled to get his
boots on. Several times, the Stupid Druggie’s mother looked over with a
scandalized expression at the pitiful sounds Lavi was making. Looking around
after Lavi finally finished his task, Yuu noticed that the only people crying
were the parents. Everyone else sat, listening to the mass with varying degrees
of boredom and grief. Even Amanda had started to roll her eyes toward the end.
Next to him, Lavi was snickering each time the priest mentioned anything
remotely like “Our Heavenly Father.” This incited more outraged glances.
Afterward, they all stood in line, waiting to say their final good-byes.
Farther up in the line, Yuu saw a commotion.
“Why the hell aren’t you crying?” sounded a screeching, livid voice. Looking
forward with vague interest, Yuu saw the mother pointing accusingly at Amanda,
who recoiled from it, her face shutting down, showing no emotion. The girl had
taken off her lively mask, and Yuu wondered just how similar Amanda was to
Lavi.
Amanda stared blankly back at her, and something dropped from her hand,
spreading over the floor. With horror, Yuu recognized them as the pictures
General Varga’s group had brought back. Striding quickly over, he slapped the
woman.
“Take a look at the pictures,” he hissed. “She was glad to die.”
The woman looked shocked beyond comprehension. Her mouth was open, and her eyes
bugged out. It would have been comical, had the situation not been so morbid.
The man bent down and picked a picture up, gasping and dropping it as soon as
he saw the subject. Casting it a glance as it fluttered to the ground, Yuu
recognized the picture as the one in which Artemis was being whipped with a Cat
o’ Nine Tails. Hot bile rose up his throat, but he swallowed it back down at
once.
“Those show nothing. Over the past month and a half, we received presents. I
don’t think I need to tell you what they were, but since you both seem to be
dimwits, I’ll go ahead and do so anyway. The first one was a lock of hair—still
attached to her scalp, a vile of blood, a severed foot and her Exorcist jacket,
a pinky finger dipped in chocolate, those pictures, and a DVD. You want to know
what he used on her? Watch that, and you’ll see why none of us are mourning
her,” Yuu growled, anger bubbling in his stomach. The American Idiot was still
speechless, and her face was still as blank as Bookman’s.
The boyfriend bent down to pick up the pictures, and Amanda snapped back into
the present.
“No!” She screeched, stepping on the boy’s hand. “You can’t see them! She made
me p-promise!”
“She would,” the boy—John, Yuu supposed—said, sounding nostalgic. He continued
to pick up the photos, and Amanda activated her Innocence.
“Sorry, John,” she said mournfully, and she slammed her discus into his wrist.
He yelped, pulling back.
Yuu bent down and picked up all the pictures, stuffing them in a pocket of his
new jacket. He felt an arm come around him, and he turned his head to see Lavi.
“You’re holding up the line,” he said. “Can this petty fight wait until after
the funeral, because it’s kind of rude to be arguing in front of your
daughter’s casket.”
The woman harrumphed and then took an inconsiderate amount of time in front of
the ornate coffin. John pushed her out of the way after a solid five minutes;
the line moved on.
The burial took only a few minutes, and when Yuu looked around, he noted that a
solitary tear fell down Lenalee’s face. She wore a ghost of a smile and sniffed
heartily. Moyashi put a comforting arm around her, and she leaned into it,
hiding her stigmata-ridden forehead in his shoulder. Yuu himself had an arm
around Lavi, but that was because the idiot would fall over without the
support.
“What a touching scene,” Darcy cackled as he walked over to Amanda. Yuu punched
him in the gut, and Lavi fell to the ground like a plank.
“Ow!”
Yuu shook his head and picked the other man up from the ground, scoffing at his
idiocy.
Darcy took charge of the reception, ordering a large amount of whiskey and
singing overly-cheerful Irish tunes. Allen joined in on Darcy’s fiddle, and for
once, to Yuu’s surprise, the Musician did nothing, although Yuu knew Allen had
absolutely no musical talent of his own. One minute taking a shower at the same
time had convinced him of that. From that time on, he had avoided the showers
at seven in the morning. He still did.
“Excuse me,” John said as he came up to Yuu.
“Yes?” He asked, lacking curiosity.
“I’d like to enlist in the army, if you wouldn’t mind,” the boy said. Yuu
scoffed.
“You’re an idiot.”
“Excuse me?”
“Talk to Moyashi,” he said.
“Who?” The boy looked curious and slightly desperate.
“The kid who looks like an old man,” Yuu answered before walking away, dragging
the stupid rabbit along with him. He heard the idiot boy getting refused a
moment later and smirked to himself. The Order didn’t need another pointless
bottle of ashes to send into the archives below, never again to see sunlight.
Walking back to the room, Yuu noted Lavi’s stiff movements had gotten worse.
“Pants too tight?” He taunted.
“Yes,” Lavi squeaked. “I can’t feel my legs anymore.”
They arrived in the room a few moments later, and Yuu hung his jacket up before
sitting on the bed, waiting for Lavi to join him. The other man unzipped his
jacket with some difficulty and tried to shrug it off. It wouldn’t budge.
Making a disgruntled face, he reached his arms back to try to pull a sleeve
off, but the tight leather wouldn’t allow him enough flexibility. Making
muffled whines, he lost his balance as he tried, unsuccessfully, to yank it
off. He yelped as he fell to the ground with a large thump. Yuu felt something
strange bubble up in his chest. It was so overpowering that he couldn’t keep it
back. Yuu laughed. Not the tiny snickers he sometimes made, nor the humorless
snorts, but full-out laughter. His sides and face ached with the force, and he
fell over, pounding the mattress in mirth.
“Of course you would laugh at my pain, Yuu-chan,” Lavi pouted, still on his
back and unmoving. “Wait!” His face took on a shocked expression that served to
only exacerbate Yuu’s abrupt and distressing sense of humor. “You’re
laughing!?”
Lavi scrambled up, somehow divested of the troublesome jacket, and the leather
squeaked as he sat on the bed. He looked both astonished and pained as Yuu
grabbed his cramping stomach, a flood of laughs still spewing from his mouth.
Tears prickled at his eyes. As they finally slowed, Lavi pulled his boots off
with grunts of frustration. Yuu unexpectedly wanted to kiss Lavi, and a
mischievous smile snaked over his lips.
“What?” Lavi asked, looking confused. He leaned up, and Yuu grabbed the man’s
shoulders, twisting him and throwing him down on the mattress, almost hitting
the thrice-ruined headboard. He still didn’t remember when he had hit it the
third time, but that didn’t matter.
“Yuu, what are you doing?” Lavi asked. Yuu scoffed and swiftly undid the
buttons of Lavi’s formal shirt. Moving down to the pants, he noticed that they
seemed to have shrunk. Snickering under his breath, he activated Mugen and cut
them down the seams. Though it had the added bonus of cutting his boxers off
too, Lavi sighed in relief.
“Oh, I can breathe again!” He exclaimed, taking a deep, gasping breath for
emphasis. “Thanks, Yuu. I thought I was going to die!”
Yuu snickered again. “I don’t think your feet are supposed to be purple,” he
commented, divesting Lavi of his undershirt.
“Oh, God! My feet are asleep! Oh, shit, my legs, too! And my ass!” Lavi
screamed, contorting himself in order to grab his feet around Yuu’s body. “God,
the pain!”
Yuu couldn’t help it—he started laughing again, and Lavi froze.
“I’ve never heard you laugh like this, Yuu,” he commented.
“That’s because I never have,” Yuu answered. For some reason, Lavi looked
somewhat smug.
“Makes my stomach feel funny,” Lavi said, smiling genuinely. The gesture made
Yuu’s stomach do that stupid little flippy thing. Swooping down, he kissed
Lavi, and the other man moaned as the Japanese man nibbled on his lower lip.
“Wait, Yuu, what’re you doin’?” Lavi asked, pulling back unexpectedly. He
looked monumentally confused.
“What does it… look like… I’m doing?” Yuu responded blankly. Was Lavi really
that oblivious?
“No, really, Yuu, what are you doing?” Apparently so.
Yuu sighed and stared incredulously down at the redhead. He didn’t know how to
respond. Lavi’s idiocy had reached new heights. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like
doing anything anymore.
“Never mind, I’m going to the bathroom,” Yuu said, getting up from his position
above Lavi and walking out, frustrated. He ran a hand through his hair and
sighed again as he made his way to the toilet. Splashing cold water on his
face, Yuu looked at his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired and… he
wasn’t wearing a shirt. Shit.
“Kanda?” Darcy asked as a shower stall opened and the man walked out, clad only
in a very short, pink towel that clashed greatly with his hair.
“What are you wearing?” Yuu asked. Did the other man have no pride at all?
“It’s Amanda’s,” Darcy replied, looking away and blushing. “So what brings you
here, scowling angrily at your frustrated reflection?” He added nonchalantly.
“Lavi’s an idiot,” Yuu found himself confessing. It surprised him to note that
he didn’t mind other people hearing a bit about his personal life. He couldn’t
remember that ever happening before.
Darcy chuckled. “What did he do this time?” He asked, his tone amused.
“He’s oblivious,” Yuu growled, running his hands through his hair again.
“Oh!” Darcy exclaimed, holding out a hand. “Let me guess!”
Yuu stared as the man continued. “You tried to get things started with him, got
him completely undressed, and you were kissing him, and he looked up at you and
asked, ‘what are you doing?’”
Yuu’s mouth dropped open embarrassingly. “How did you…?” He asked, his voice
trailing off in astonishment.
“It was the same with Amanda. Only her response was, ‘Darcy, you’re touching me
in places that shouldn’t be mentioned—why?’ I nearly facepalmed myself.”
“…Facepalmed?”
“You know, smack?” Darcy said, demonstrating the action. Yuu had indeed felt
the same at the time.
“Why are our idiots so similar?” Yuu questioned in anger.
“I don’t know, but you better go back before he thinks you’ve left him,” Darcy
suggested. “Trust me, I know from experience—it can get dangerous.”
Yuu’s heart froze in his chest. “Fuck,” he said, suddenly urgent. “You’re
right.” He hurried toward the door.
“Oh, and Kanda?”
Yuu turned around. “What?” He bit out. He needed to get back to that room.
Right now.
“I’m not going to ask about your back, but goddamn.”
Yuu nodded gravely and left the bathroom, rushing to get back to his room. If
Lavi didn’t remember him again or went despondent again or—and Yuu shuddered at
the possibility—tried to off himself again, Yuu didn’t know what he would do.
Whatever it would be, though, he knew it wouldn’t be in the realm of pleasant.
He slammed open the door and saw Lavi sitting with legs—still covered with the
fabric of his ruined pants—outstretched on the bed, his hands supporting him
between them. As Yuu walked in, Lavi smiled brightly and genuinely.
“Yuu-chan!” He called. “Glad you’re back. Have a nice piss? I was bored.”
“Adorable,” Yuu whispered, quite by accident.
“Wha?” Lavi asked. Yuu shook his head and walked over, sitting next to Lavi on
the bed. Throwing the fabric of the redhead’s pants aside, Yuu pushed Lavi down
again and leaned over him, determined to get him to respond properly. “Yuu,
what are—”
“Don’t say it, rabbit, because I am going to explain it to you. You are sitting
there, naked. I am here, on top of you, dressed only in a pair of pants and
boxers. What would want to do in this situation?” He couldn’t believe he was
saying this.
“…Er… well, I’d kinda like… well… it’d be nice if… we could maybe… y’know… do
something…?” Lavi hedged, making doodling patterns with his hands.
“Spit it out, rabbit,” Yuu snarled, resisting the urge to run the other man
through with Mugen.
“Well… perhaps we could… well… er… you and I could…” Lavi continued hesitantly.
It would only take a second to activate his chokuto…
“I’d really like to… but I don’t know if you do… so maybe we… but then…”
Yuu smirked mischievously and reached over to toy with Lavi’s left earring.
“I…” Lavi gasped. “…We could… maybe do…” Lavi gasped again, louder this time.
“…something rather…” Lavi’s good eye glazed over a little bit. “…Fuck, Yuu, if
you don’t take me now, I’m going to explode!”
Yuu’s smirk widened to a wicked smile. “I see you’ve gotten the point,” he
said, squeezing Lavi’s earlobe. The man made a strangled whimper.
Yuu paused. He didn’t know quite how to begin. He’d never done anything of the
sort before, after all. Face burning, he reached down, placing a hand atop
Lavi’s growing erection. The man’s eye grew wide and impossibly green as he
gasped, presumably in simultaneous shock and pleasure.
“Wait, Yuu—you’re actually… gonna… take the… lead?” He gasped out as Yuu began
to move his hand slowly along his lover’s length.
“Yes,” he muttered, and he let his lips descend onto Lavi’s in a deep kiss that
made desire pool in his stomach. He had never initiated such a passionate kiss
with Lavi before, and it felt good, somehow. It was important that he show Lavi
how much he loved him, even though he couldn’t say it. From Lavi’s deep,
guttural moan, Yuu figured he got the idea.
---
October 14, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch, Cafeteria
Lavi’s ass hurt. He could barely walk because every step felt like needles
poking his ass. They were very large, very sharp needles. But he couldn’t find
himself regretting it. As he yawned from only a few hours’ sleep, he felt it
had been well-spent. Several times well-spent.
He groaned as he limped into the cafeteria. The mood seemed to be rather
somber, and Lavi couldn’t help but feel a bit… out of place. He was too happy.
Sitting down very gingerly with his large tray of food—he was famished—Lavi
winced. His ass hurt even more in a seated position. Grimacing, he adjusted
himself so he was sitting on his knees.
Allen and Lenalee sat down across from him, the former carrying a bowl of
pretzels, probably left over from Artemis’s reception. He popped one in his
mouth and smiled knowingly. “You’re up awfully late, Lavi. I mean, I’m already
on my afternoon snack, and you’ve only just appeared. Where’s Kanda?”
“He’s taking a shower,” Lavi said primly, stabbing a sausage with his fork and
stuffing it in his mouth.
“You’re sitting rather… stiffly, Lavi,” Allen commented, tossing a handful of
pretzels into his bottomless gorge.
“Why yes, yes, I am,” Lavi said as stiffly as his posture. Amanda and Darcy sat
down next to him, both sporting trays of breakfast. Amanda, too, was walking a
bit too delicately to avoid suspicion. When Amanda saw him, she smiled widely.
“That good, huh?” She asked, her smile turning devious.
“You have no idea,” Lavi replied, his voice going a little breathless as he
remembered the previous night.
“What do you mean, Lavi?” Lenalee asked naïvely. Allen glared at him, and Darcy
sighed.
“Give it up, Allen. She needs to know. You can’t shelter her forever,” he said.
Allen sighed and nodded resignedly, making a “go ahead” motion with his hand.
“Lenalee, come over here for a minute,” Darcy said, grabbing her wrist and
leading her a meter or two away. “Now, Lenalee, there are some things you need
to know. When two guys love each other very, very much—and I mean love, like
romantic love—like, like, Romeo and Juliet, only Romeo and Romeo… Well, anyway,
when they love each other very much, there are certain… physical things they
can do with each other,” Darcy explained.
“Really?” Lenalee asked, her voice astonished. Lavi wondered vaguely if Darcy
was rocking her entire perception of the world.
“Yes. You see… you do know how sex works, right?” Darcy asked, shifting his
eyes nervously toward Allen.
“Of course. I’m not oblivious, you know,” she said, sounding somewhat offended.
Darcy snorted, and Lavi tried not to choke into his eggs.
“Alright, well, you see…” he leaned forward and whispered a series of things
into Lenalee’s ear, too quiet for Lavi’s expert Bookman hearing to catch.
Lenalee’s face grew more shocked with each passing second.
“They put what where?!” Lenalee shouted, sounding horrified. Lavi coughed as
tried not to inhale his eggs. “But—but—”
At that moment, Yuu walked in, and Lenalee ran up to him. “Kanda-kun… you… and-
and-and Lavi… and the things… and the places… and the putting there… with the
things… and the Romeo… with the other Romeo… and I don’t… with the… with the…
with the…”
Yuu pulled Lenalee into a big, body-encompassing hug, one hand behind her head
and the other around her back. “Who broke your brain, Lenalee?” He asked.
Both Allen and Lavi snorted simultaneously, the former inhaling a pretzel. He
began to choke loudly, and Lenalee looked over, concerned. Yuu walked over,
pushing Amanda to the side, and sat next to Lavi. Stealing Lavi’s tray and
fork, he began to eat. Looking up at Allen, Lavi noted how purple he was
becoming.
“Er, Allen… are you alright?”
Allen choked out a tiny scream and shook his head emphatically. He brought his
hands up to his neck in the universal sign for choking.
“Heh… Moyashi’s choking,” Yuu snickered quietly, taking another bite of eggs.
Amanda looked alarmed and stood up.
“Allen, I’m Red Cross certified in the Heimlich maneuver. I’m required to ask
you these questions: are you choking?”
Allen stared at her in disbelief and then nodded sharply several times.
“Do you want help?”
Allen looked at her as if she was an idiot, nodding again.
Amanda walked around to the other side of the table, moving quickly. “Now, I’m
going to touch you in places that your virginness may be uncomfortable with.
You sure you want me to—?”
Allen spluttered and coughed, yanking her arm until it was around his middle.
“Why, Allen!” Amanda exclaimed breathily, fanning her face with her free hand.
Allen began to fall forward, his face taking on a somewhat blue hue.
Slowly, almost erotically, Amanda ran her finger across his beltline and moved
it up to his bellybutton. She covered her fist with her other hand above said
bellybutton and jabbed up and in. Allen made a retching motion, and the pretzel
shot from his mouth.
Oh, Lavi thought, it’s headed in my direction. It’ll miss, though—
The pretzel impacted his uncovered, blind eye, and the force of it knocked Lavi
off balance and onto the floor, where he hit his head.
“Ow!” He shouted, bringing one hand to his eye and the other to his head. “That
fucking—”
Up on the bench, Yuu was snorting with suppressed mirth. Amanda sat back down
next to him in her same mockingly seductive manner, and suddenly, Yuu cracked.
Gales of laughter erupted from his formerly stoic mouth, and the entire
cafeteria went silent.
“Moyashi choked on a pretzel!” He muttered between laughs, and Amanda joined
in. They turned, and Yuu placed his arms around her in a very uncharacteristic
gesture. They laughed together for a while.
“Only you would laugh at my pain,” Lavi said, repeating his pout from the night
before. Yuu laughed harder.
Abruptly, he pushed Amanda away and brushed himself off. “Enough of that,” he
commented and returned to Lavi’s eggs. A moment later, he spat them out and
mumbled angrily, “Taste like fucking shit.” He stormed off and returned a
moment later with some soba noodles. Lavi got up off the floor and sat back
down next to him.
Every few moments, Yuu would snicker to himself, muttering things along the
line of “Moyashi” or “choked” or “pretzel” or “eye.” His laughing face struck
Lavi as very… pure, and he liked it. There was something very refreshing—not to
mention arousing—in Yuu’s laugh.
Grabbing Yuu’s chopsticks from his hands, Lavi tossed them across the table and
threw his arms around his lover. Yuu fell backwards into Amanda, who in turn
fell into Darcy, and they all tumbled to the floor, knocking the bench down as
they went. The rest of the Finders and soldiers fell as well, and they all
mumbled curses as they straightened it. Darcy held Amanda closely, just as Lavi
did Yuu, and as they lay there, doing nothing—although Yuu was glaring and
scowling at him like he’d done something stupid—Allen and Lenalee walked out.
Allen carried his big bowl of pretzels and munched on them as they left.
“Don’t choke!” Yuu called out after them. Allen coughed and thumped himself on
the chest. Raising a hand, he gave them the finger as he and Lenalee finally
reached the door. Lavi chuckled and leaned down, unable to keep his lips from
Yuu’s any longer.
---
September 6, 2013—Ontario, Canada
Wrapping her whip around the closest Akuma, Cyrah pulled back, tightening it
until it sliced through. A gratifying explosion followed, and she deactivated
her Innocence, turning back to the kid sheltered in the tiny alleyway.
“You okay, kid?” She asked the quivering lump.
“I’m—I’m K-K-Kevin,” he stammered. “And why—?”
“I didn’t ask who you are, only if you were okay,” Cyrah responded sharply,
jamming the flexible gray rod into a belt loop.
“You’re glowing,” the boy commented shakily, pointing at her.
“Not anymore,” Cyrah said, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.
“No, you’re glowing!” The kid insisted.
“What?” She asked harshly. The kid jabbed his finger at her chest, and Cyrah
looked down. Her eyebrows shot up impossibly far.
“Well, I’ll be…” she muttered disbelievingly, opening her General’s jacket and
pulling out a glowing shard of Innocence. Krista had brought this particular
piece they had found back to the Order to be reduced to element form. She had
only brought it back the previous day. It irked Cyrah that it had taken three
days, but Krista probably needed a break from the war anyway. The poor girl was
only twelve, and she was being asked to carry a very heavy burden, one that was
much heavier than Cyrah’s had been when she had first joined the Order.
“You said your name was Kevin?” She asked the boy, and he nodded emphatically.
“Well, Kevin, you’re going to be an Exorcist. Stand up.”
The boy looked confused, but he complied, standing on trembling legs. Cyrah bit
down on her admonishing response and explained the war to him.
“But—but, I don’t want to fight! I want to go back and paint my nails and
listen to Hawthorne Heights!” The kid exclaimed. From the tight, black jeans,
the effeminate black shirt, and the sweeping black haircut, it didn’t surprise
her. She handed him the Innocence, which, distressingly, turned into a utility
knife. Cyrah shook her head, pondering the mental stability of the boy she had
just picked up.
---
September 28, 2013—Northern Rockies, Canada
Snow blew hard through the mountainous path. Bak cursed the fucking Akuma who
had the gall to make avalanches in the middle of a snowstorm, and to make
matters worse, they had somehow gotten separated from Cyrah and Maya. He was
stuck with the annoying little brat and the emo freak that insisted on being
called “Jayde.” What the fuck kind of name was Jayde? Bak shook his head and
leaned against the cold, rocky wall of the cave they had found.
“Baaaaak-k-k! I’m c-c-c-c-cooooold!” Krista complained, huddling up in the tiny
space blanket that was in her emergency kit. He did feel a small bit of
sympathy for her there. She had let her ridiculous pigtails down, but she still
had a very short skirt as part of her Exorcist uniform. The jacket—if it could
be called that, sleeveless as it was—was relatively thin with a large, open
back. She shuddered pitifully, unable to rest her back against the wall as Bak
did. Looking over at her, Bak noted her lips were turning a bright shade of
blue. Alarmed, he walked over.
“Here, Krista,” he said, sighing and wrapping her in his own space blanket.
“Emo boy, scoot over—we’re sharing.” He couldn’t believe those words were
coming out of his mouth.
“My name,” the emo idiot said, “is Jayde.”
“I don’t give a fuck,” Bak bit out. “If you don’t want to die here, help me
make a fucking fire.”
“B-b-b-but B-B-Baaaak! I’m st-st-st-st-st-still c-c-cooooold!” Krista wailed,
and when Bak looked exasperatedly back at her again, he saw tears falling down
her tiny, preteen face.
Rolling his eyes, he sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her thin,
unclothed shoulders. She shivered roughly into his chest, and Bak turned and
glared at Kevin—he refused to call him Jayde—who was failing repeatedly at his
task.
“Do you want to warm Krista up, or do you think you can handle a pair of
matches?” He shot out nastily. Kevin glared at him and turned back to his work,
doing an annoyingly practiced hair flip. Bak rolled his eyes. They were doomed.
They had no cell phone service, their golems were out of range, it was too cold
and snowy and windy for Krista to use her powers to find the others, and they
couldn’t even start a fire.
Bak had wanted to follow his father’s footsteps and be a scientist for the Dark
Order, but the Innocence had decided his fate for him. Perhaps that was why he
was so bitter, but as the idiot in his arms shivered further, he thought that
it was most likely the company. Why had he gotten stuck with Cyrah’s group? He
would have preferred Chu-chan’s or even Tamas Varga’s, but he had somehow
gotten the butt of the lottery, and he was stuck with General Kabbah. But even
Cyrah wasn’t so bad as the other Exorcists. Maya, the Mexican woman, was a
complete and total domineering bitch, Kevin was emo and kept saying he wanted
to die, and Krista was annoying, although she was allowed, because she was so
young.
“Perhaps I’ll die here,” Kevin said, sounding cheerful, and Bak resisted the
urge to slap him upside the head. He knew for a fact that the kid was only
doing it for attention, and it tested his nerves every day. He wanted to haul
out and punch him, scream at him for taking something like that so lightly, for
wanting to take the life his parents had given him, against all odds. The wind
abruptly stopped roaring, and the snowflakes stopped drifting in.
“I’ve never heard of a suicidal Exorcist before,” said a high-pitched, girlish
voice. Fear colder than the wind settled deep into Bak’s heart. Road jumped
down from the top of the pile of their packs at the entrance to the cave.
Instantly, Bak was on his feet, Innocence activated. Out of the corner of his
eyes, he saw both of his companions looking confused at his reaction, and he
hissed for their benefit,
“Noah, get the hell out.”
“Well, that’s not very nice!” Road complained. “I was going to help you!”
“Why would you do that?” Bak asked, a bitter edge to his voice.
“Because I’m bored!” Road replied, striding past him to where Kevin sat.
Creating a lit candle from nowhere, she jabbed it into the ground. “I left my
door up so there’s less wind,” she added absently, holding her hands in front
of the fire as if she had actual human needs.
“Stop glaring at me!” Road cried at him, “If I was gonna kill you, I woulda
done it already!” Bak thought about it for a moment before walking over and
sitting next to the fire, Innocence still active. Road scooted away slightly,
heading toward Krista.
“What?” Bak asked, offended despite himself.
“It hurts to be near it,” She replied simply, shuddering.
The night passed excruciatingly slowly, and when the sun finally rose, the
snowstorm had blown over completely. Sometime during the night, the wind had
died down enough for Road to remove her door, and they all felt slightly more
at ease at its loss. A loud explosion ripped through the air, and Road cursed.
Running from the cave into the freezing mountain air, Road looked up. The rest
of the Exorcists followed her.
“What are they still doing here?” she hissed, her face taking on a dark
expression, “I told them to leave!”
An Akuma descended next to her.
“Why the hell are you still here? I told you—”
“The Earl’s orders trump yours, Mistress Road.”
Road’s face went livid. “What did he tell you?” she demanded.
“We are to self-destruct upon finding the Exorcists, causing avalanches,” the
tiny Level Two responded before promptly exploding. There was a deep rumble
from above, and Bak looked up, horror-struck, at the forming avalanche.
Snow roared like a wave down the mountainside, and he vaguely saw Road grabbing
their packs and throwing them into another door she had created a few meters
away.
“Get in!” She shouted, but Bak shook his head. If they made it back to the
cave— “You have to! You’ll die!”
“You’re a Noah! This is your ploy to kill us!” Bak shouted. Road stamped her
foot in a surprisingly childish gesture and grabbed Krista, throwing her in
after the packs.
“You two!” She screamed desperately at Bak and his emo companion. “If you don’t
want to die, get in here!”
Bak saw no other choice and ran toward the door, noticing a few seconds later
that Kevin was not following. “KEVIN! GET YOUR FUCKING ASS OVER HERE!” He
yelled over the deafening roar of the approaching snow. The idiot stood,
transfixed, at oncoming death, and a smile grew over his face.
“This is an interesting way to die,” he commented happily, though Bak could
barely hear it. Cursing, he turned and ran back to his stupid companion,
pulling him along and tossing him to Road, who threw him unceremoniously into
the portal.
Running toward it himself, he saw Road extending her hand. He was five meters
away, then four, and then he felt something strong and powerful lift him up.
“It’s your fault!!!!” He screamed at the tiny form of Kevin’s head, which was
sticking out of Road’s door. “If I die, I’m going to haunt you!!!!” Then the
snow overpowered him, and he saw himself going overtop of Road’s door. Well,
fuck, he thought, this is a hell of a way to go out. He felt himself impact
something very solid, and the breath was driven from his lungs. Still the snow
roared on above him, pushing him further down and down until all he could see
was black.
---
September 28, 2013—A random road in Atlanta, Georgia
Road stared in shock, arm still outstretched, as the snow overpowered the man.
She didn’t know where he was, so she couldn’t open another door. Horror filled
her as the snow hit and pushed her back through the door, out onto the street
she had opened it to. She waited a few moments before closing it, hoping the
Chinese man was somewhere in the large pile that had followed her in. The tiny,
annoying girl that Road had thrown in first started screaming at the girly,
even more annoying black-haired brat that reminded Road how much she hated
humans sometimes.
“Chan-chan is right!” She screamed, tears pouring at an alarming rate from her
eyes. “It’s your fault! Go burn in Hell!”
“Little children shouldn’t even know those words!” The boy screamed back,
looking depressed in a way that actually seemed real. Over the course of the
night, Road had dismissed the boy as a fake, but perhaps there was some truth
to his suicidal thoughts now. She fervently hoped so. She had liked Bak. He had
been surprisingly good company, despite them technically being enemies—not that
Road wanted to fight anymore.
“I’m not a child! I’m just as much an Exorcist as you! More so, because I can
actually fight!” She yelled back, and Road saw for the first time what this
little pipsqueak had in the way of powers. Huge, powerfully flaming green wings
erupted from her shoulder blades as talons grew from her fingers and toes. It
was potentially very powerful Innocence, and Road stepped back, glad she
wouldn’t have to face this girl. If the war continued and she survived, she
would probably be unstoppable. She was very much like Road—small but very, very
strong.
“Shut up, brat!” The other kid screamed wildly, activating his own Innocence.
Road shuddered away. It was too powerful, and in her corrupted form, she
couldn’t stand its purity.
“Stop it, both of you!” Road exclaimed, putting them both in clear boxes, more
to get away from the raw, throbbing power of the Innocence. “We need to do
something!”
“We should find his body, then,” the girl said quietly, deactivating. Road let
her out of the box. “Because you killed him!” She added, pointing furiously at
the black-haired kid. Road tried not to chuckle at the girl’s antics. It wasn’t
the time. That’s what Faith would say.
Road opened another door, this time a few meters up. She needed Lero to fly up
to it, and she cursed her inability to call him. The Earl couldn’t know that
she was helping the Exorcists, and since Lero was his golem, he would probably
tell the oversized clown. Creating a simple staircase that would in all
probability only work for her, she beckoned to the younger Exorcist.
“We have to leave the kid, but since it seems you can fly, you and I can both
look. I’ll be able to melt most of the snow, I think,” she said, and the girl
Exorcist nodded, activating her too powerful Innocence again.
Stepping out of the door as the girl fluttered behind her, Road saw that she
had made it approximately at the right height. She was glad she had a feel for
these things. Creating a couple overlarge candles, she flared up the fire until
it was powerful enough to do any difference. The girl flew around her, tossing
snow hither thither in her attempts to find the man, and as the sun set; Road’s
candles finally melted a layer of snow on top of a human-shaped object.
There was no denying it was Bak, and somewhere in Road’s heart, she felt… sad.
It was the first time she had felt sadness for another human being who was not
her kin. This was an interesting development. The blood in her veins burned for
a moment, and Road nearly screamed out with pain. It left only a moment after
it came, though; leaving Road slumped over Bak’s body, nearly in tears.
That was when she felt the approach of excruciatingly strong Innocence. It
wrapped around her in a stinging thread, and it burned like a tiny, white-hot
wire. This time, Road did scream. It was all she could do to keep herself
there, to not create a door and escape. She deserved this. She had killed
Exorcists, created Akuma and human slaves, all because her twisted mind told
her it was okay. It was not okay, though, and now she was paying for it, and as
the Innocence burned through her skin down to the bones, she felt she was being
judged.
The sting lessened, but only slightly, as the young girl alighted nimbly on the
snow in front of her, batting at the Innocence that bound Road so tightly.
“General Kabbah,” the girl said in her squeaky voice, raising her arms
protectively outward, as if that would keep the Innocence from wrapping
agonizingly tighter around Road’s ribcage. “She didn’t kill Bak!”
“What nonsense is this?” The middle-aged General asked incredulously.
“Kevin did!” Krista insisted. “So don’t hurt Road, she saved our lives!”
Road missed whatever happened next, as she shut her eyes from the pain, but
apparently, something in Krista’s face convinced the old General, and she let
her Innocence relax somewhat. Still, it charred wherever it touched, and Road
felt tears falling to the ground, melting the snow it hit.
“Where is that emo kid?” Cyrah questioned, and Road barely heard it through the
rushing in her ears. Vaguely, she realized her voice had long lost its power.
“In—Georgia!” She managed to croak. “Through… door…”
The Innocence loosened again, sitting atop her skin threateningly, as if
waiting for the first sign of attack to tighten again. Though it hurt to be
near, it was no longer in her blood, scorching her from the inside out, and she
could begin to think again.
“Krista, go get him,” Cyrah ordered.
“But he’s heavy!” Krista complained loudly. Road opened her eyes in time to see
a chilling glare aimed at the little girl, who activated her Innocence—Road
winced—and flew back up to the door. She felt the familiar rush as someone used
the portal, then twice more as two people returned to the snowy mountains.
Distant sounds finally came back to Road; she heard the whine of Akuma cannons
blasting the region, leveling it in places. She wondered how many human lives
would be lost from this attack. And then she wondered why she was wondering.
The burning in her system lessened again, and she stood up shakily.
“I… cannot excuse my presence here for much longer,” she explained in a shaky,
coarse whisper that was all the sound she could produce from her raw throat. “I
will… take the Akuma away. I know there were… supposed to be Level Threes
around here.”
“Why are you…?” The General started asking, but she trailed off with a shake of
her head.
“I… am tired…” Road responded, and she closed the door above in favor of one
right behind her. As she stepped through, she added, “I am sorry… for… your
loss…” It surprised her to note how much.
---
October 11, 2013—Cozumel, Mexico
There was something about Jayde’s mental stability that had seemed to just…
collapse after Bak’s death. Cyrah repressed the angry shakes that had been
eating at her for the past two weeks, ever since Bak had died. She didn’t know
exactly what had happened, but it had had something to do with the annoying
brat blaming him for it.
“You bitch! Get your ass up and train!” The girl yelled. Cyrah wondered where
she had gotten her mouth from.
Looking over, Cyrah saw her kicking Jayde—dammit, his name was Kevin!—in the
shins repeatedly. Maya was staring at them angrily.
“Fuck off, ho!” Jayde—Kevin—shot back, trying to punch her and missing as she
activated her Innocence and flew out of range.
“No! You need to get good at fighting so you can make up for killing Chan-
chan!” Krista yelled, her pink-bobbled pigtails flapping in the air in tandem
with her wings.
“I can see your stupid teddy-bear panties! Get your ass down here!” He yelled,
turning slightly green. Cyrah didn’t blame him.
“Come and get me then!” Krista taunted, making antlers with her hands and
sticking her tongue out childishly.
“Will you both just shut the fuck up!?” Maya finally screamed, sounding furious
as usual. Cyrah sighed. Whenever Maya joined a conversation, it invariably
ended up in an obnoxious fight that gave Cyrah migraines. Closing her eyes and
pinching the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm herself, she took a deep
breath.
“Don’t wanna, not for you, ‘cause you’re mean to me!” Squeaked Krista’s
annoying voice. Cyrah opened an eye to check on the situation and froze.
“WATCH OUT!” She screamed, and she watched, horrified, as the scene unfolded.
She was too far away to help at all.
As one, all three Exorcists’ heads turned to her as a Level One Akuma sprang
from the ground, priming its cannons. Kevin was the first to hear it, and he
made a double-take-esque motion as he looked back at it. The Level One aimed at
Krista, who was now hovering just a few feet from the ground. In desperation,
Kevin yanked on a blond pigtail, and the girl squawked as she was pulled out of
the way of the bullet. Kevin got knocked off balance as Krista plummeted. Cyrah
watched, horror-struck, as the bullet pierced its way into his side.
Kevin blanched, offsetting his black hair and clothes marvelously. The Akuma
virus spread until he was as black as coal. A moment later, the wind carried
away his ashes as he disintegrated. Maya screamed in rage, and her Innocence-
flaming sword descended on the Akuma, rending it in two. As it exploded, a
cruel laugh echoed from the forest, and Noah’s Strength stepped out from behind
the trees.
“Whoops,” he chuckled. Cyrah froze once more. Strength was dressed in an
undershirt that was covered in dried blood. His old, faded jeans, too, were
bloodstained, and Cyrah felt bile rise in her throat as the smell of sweat,
blood, and piss wafted down to them. “I just wanted to tell you that you don’t
have to worry about Artemis anymore. She’s in a much better place now.” He
smiled menacingly down at them in what Cyrah supposed was an attempt at being
cheery.
Rage billowed through her veins, and she grabbed her Innocence without even
meaning to. She felt her cell phone vibrate in her pocket, but the wind was
roaring in her ears with her fury, and she could concentrate on nothing but the
corrupted man in front of her who had just been responsible for the death of
yet another apprentice. Ironically, Krista would have survived, but Kevin
hadn’t thought of that. Perhaps what irked her most was that the death had been
pointless. From Krista’s incensed expression, Cyrah knew this fight would not
only be hers.
A padded, crowned door opened next to them, and Road stepped out. She looked
furious, and when she stood next to Cyrah, the older woman decided that she
could trust the girl to some extent.
“CHAZ!” She screamed, small candles appearing around her as they all shifted
into a world Cyrah didn’t understand. It was black and dark, and all around her
were floating candles, piles of presents, and a table filled with food that
looked like it had once been delicious. She opened her mouth to question the
girl Noah, but said girl was already moving on into a screaming tirade that
made Cyrah grateful she had suffered worse from Maya’s mouth.
“CHAZ! YOU KILLED HER! YOU TOOK THAT GIRL, AND YOU KILLED HER!!!” Her voice cut
off in a hoarse yell from apparent overuse, and she continued, softer, “Faith
is so angry at you. What do you think you’re doing, hurting Faith?”
“Faith doesn’t matter,” the bulky Noah spat venomously. Road’s eyes narrowed to
snake’s slits.
“Faith is the only thing that matters!” Road asserted. Cyrah was confused, but
now was not the time to lose her guard. If the Noahs’ spat ceased, they would
both be after the Exorcists in this dark, spiraling world.
---
October 10, 2013—Noah’s Ark, Artemis’s Room
It was the power that first brought her to consciousness, that sheer, tainted
power that filled the room with a vile electricity. Road’s eyes fluttered open,
and she flinched back as putrid, unclean breath hit her face. The Earl had not
brushed his teeth—not that that was what Road was concentrating on at the
moment. Her hand was stuck to the bed, caked in layers of blood and gore that
was not hers. Her hair felt dirty, and her face was in a pile of what smelled
like dried vomit. Road itched to heave and hurl whatever was left in her
stomach, but the Earl’s golden eyes were flashing with a rage Road had only
seen once before, when Sebastian had left.
The Earl did not need to say anything; he simply pulled at the umbrella golem
that Road was so fond of, and it formed his twisted, destructive broadsword.
“Of all of us, you were the one I least expected to betray me ,” he seethed,
still smiling a clownishly wide, toothy grin that stretched literally from ear
to ear. It was his default expression, one that he could not rid himself of,
but the anger in his bespectacled eyes belied any possibility of amusement.
Road scrambled to her feet, taking the dirtied sheet with her. Her hand would
not detach, and she didn’t have time to extricate herself. She needed to get
out of the room before the Earl struck at her. “I betrayed no one,” she
whispered, horrified, as she created the smallest door possible from the room.
She didn’t know where it was going—it could go into the middle of the Dark
Order’s Headquarters, for all she cared—she just needed to get out before the
Earl killed her.
The Earl stepped forward as Road paced back toward the door, and this, too, was
a mood Road had seen before. It was that murderous wrath that he only aimed at
his so-called Destroyer, Faith’s Heart. She no longer felt any tenderness for
the Earl. Whatever she had had before was long gone—it had left the second he
had drugged Faith. She was the last of the remaining Noahs to remember exactly
what happened.
“I disagree, dear child ,” the Earl said, advancing further. Road stepped back
again, tripping over the threshold and through the door. She felt herself hit
nothing but water, and she hastily attempted to close the portal.
Thrashing, half-drowning, Road watched in terror as the Earl jammed Lero into
the swinging doors. She let herself sink. She was a Noah, she could survive. If
she tried hard enough, she could return to Faith’s mind, but she knew she could
never do that. She was too strong, she always had been. Instead, she was struck
with another idea, and as the Earl plunged in after her, she created a door
underneath her, taking her to the one place where she always felt safe: Greece.
She closed the door directly behind her, but the water poured through it for a
long while before she could force it completely shut and make it disappear.
Sighing in relief, she realized the Earl hadn’t followed her and she’d left the
disgusting sheet behind. Taking quick action, she traveled through several
countries through a series of doors, stopping here and there to find herself
food or steal some clothes.
Road drifted for a while, traveling here and there as she thought out a course
of action. Obviously, she couldn’t stay still. The Earl would invariably go to
Faith and force her to locate Road through her bonds. Road shivered. She didn’t
want the Earl mistreating her most valued sister, but now that she was no
longer there, she had no say in the matter, no way to distract the Earl from
it. A wave of uselessness hit her, and she struck the ground as her legs
collapsed beneath her.
How long had she been moving? She didn’t know. She was tired, though, so very,
very tired. The sun had long since fallen, and it was now beginning its daily
ascension in the eastern sky. Her eyes felt so very heavy, and the dreams
around her became apparent as they did every time she sank into an oblivion
similar to sleep. One particular dream tugged at her mind, and it played in
front of her eyes before she could repress it.
It was Faith’s world, and in the middle of it stood the girl herself. Road ran
up to her, gathering the girl in an embrace.
Faith! She cried, tears of relief running down her face.
Road, the girl replied, smiling into Road’s neck. Feeling something wet
striking her shoulders, she looked up into Faith’s face and saw the other girl
was crying as well. I thought the Earl had killed you! I haven’t been able to
wake up, and you’ve been gone for hours!
Road squeezed the other girl tighter. Faith, did the Earl drug you again? She
asked angrily. Faith nodded against her neck, and Road pulled back, furious.
I’m going back, and I’m going to—
No, Road! Faith exclaimed, sounding alarmed. You can’t come back here! The Earl
will kill you! Please, be safe.
How do I do that? Road asked, genuinely curious.
I don’t know, Faith said hesitantly. Road slipped her hands into Faith’s.
I have an idea, she said. Faith raised her eyebrows until they nearly hit her
heavenly stigmata. I can’t tell you about it now—if the Earl uses the bonds to
find out, then I won’t be safe, but I’ll contact you when I am asleep again.
Faith nodded in understanding, tears still pooling in her eyes and running down
her face like waterfalls. The dream dazzled out of existence, and Road opened
her eyes, hugging nothing but the sterile air of what was undeniably a hospital
room.
Sighing, Road sat up, glad to see there was no IV in her ashen arm. She seemed
to be cleaner, though, and she smelled of industrial soap. Her nose wrinkled.
Sneezing, she got out of the bed and found a pair of her stolen clothes.
Creating a door, she left the hospital room immediately, glad that the Earl
hadn’t found her.
A bell rang, and she looked up at a clock tower. It was eight thirty in the
morning. She hadn’t been sleeping for too long. Exhausted and anxious, Road
began her journey. She hadn’t a clue where the Exorcists would be, and since
she was out of contact with anyone—or thing, as it were, as she’d have to ask
Akuma—who would tell her, she felt rather useless.
She wandered around the world for several hours, simply to keep moving, and
after a while, she zoned out enough for dreams to pelt her waking mind. The
first one she felt was Chaz’s, and its gruesome reliving of the girl’s death
made Road try to snap herself from it. It was too strong, though, and when Chaz
thought of where he was going, Road knew she needed to be there. She didn’t
care at this point if Chaz was part of the greater whole, he was going down,
and she was going to be the one to do it.
Stepping through her newest door, she felt the bright, hot sun of Cozumel.
---
October 11, 2013—Cozumel, Mexico
Fury shot through her veins like adrenaline as she saw the scene in front of
her. Cyrah Kabbah, illustrious General of the Dark Order, had her Innocence
out, a similar look of wrath on her face. The annoying pipsqueak that Road had
come to like was flying up toward her corrupted brother. Suddenly, she needed
to act, needed to save the stupid Exorcists who were about to throw themselves
at him.
“CHAZ!” She screamed, diverting his attention to her. A large, crazed grin
snaked his lips from ear to ear in a way that only Tyki could do with any
finesse. She needed to get him away from the Exorcists, or at least away from
reality, and the only way to do that was to force him into her world. She tried
not to shudder as she reached out for his mind and physically yanked it out of
the world proper and into her dreamscape. She felt other minds come with her
and winced as she sensed the presence of the three Exorcists.
“CHAZ!” She continued, ready to let her brother have it. “YOU KILLED HER! YOU
TOOK THAT GIRL, AND YOU KILLED HER!!!” Apparently, the fatigue from the day
before, as well as the lack of water and strange hospital chemicals had robbed
her voice from her, and she couldn’t continue on in a full-out raging scream.
“Faith is so angry at you.” That was no lie. In the dream, Road had felt
Faith’s palpable resentment toward the idiot they called Brother. “What do you
think you’re doing, hurting Faith?”
“Faith doesn’t matter,” Chaz spat back at her, and Road narrowed her eyes. He
dare say that Faith, the one they all originated from, didn’t matter?
“Faith is the only thing that matters!” She retorted in a croaky voice, raising
a hoard of candles above her head and tossing them all at Chaz, who dodged them
with surprising agility.
“So the Earl was right—you’re betraying us,” Chaz sneered.
“I’m only betraying the betrayers!” Road declared, an unwanted tear leaking
from her eye. “You don’t know why we’re fighting anymore! All of this, it’s all
been for Faith!”
“It doesn’t matter who it’s for, only that you’re fighting with them,” Chaz
yelled back, punching away a little fluttering thing that turned out to be
Krista, probably for emphasis.
Another boiling string of rage poured through her veins, scalding them and
strengthening them at the same time. Road felt her world become suddenly
darker, and she no longer held back as she attacked her brother. She pinned him
to the wall with impossibly fast candles, one on each wrist, and one on his
ankle in a justifying parody of what he had done to Artemis.
She pinned his shoulders next, not wanting him to choke quite yet. Enlarging
her candles, Road aimed for his forehead. A quick, fast move would take out his
eye, and then another would get his brain, and then he would die, and she’d be
okay with it.
Road! Stop! Faith screamed, and Road jumped and let the candles still in the
air fall to the ground with a clatter like overlarge bullet shells.
“Faith?” Road asked. It had to be her, because she controlled everything in
this world. The only one who could manipulate it better was Faith herself.
“Road, you mustn’t kill him,” Faith said, smiling sadly. She turned to the
dumbfounded General. “You are General Cyrah Kabbah?” She asked, and the woman
nodded mutely.
Walking slowly up to the woman, Faith wore a serene smile. She knelt before
Cyrah, bowing her head, and she reached her hand out to touch the whip of the
woman’s Innocence.
“Warm,” she commented, smiling softly up at the confused General. Road stared
in disbelief. Had Faith come here because of the strong pull of the Innocence
that was anathema to the corrupted ones, to herself?
The Innocence flared gold and then began to glow steadily in the same, pure
color, steadily lengthening and growing until it resembled a Cat o’ Nine Tails.
Road gaped. Faith seemed to have strengthened the Innocence.
“I am furious at my so-called brother. He is corrupted, but I believe now that
the only way to save him is to kill him, purify him with Innocence. Please,
General Kabbah, next time you get a chance, kill him!” Faith pleaded. Cyrah
nodded, her expression becoming determined despite her continued silence.
“Thank you,” Faith added in a whisper.
“Next time?” Road said. “Kill him now!”
“But he’s gone,” Faith replied. Road looked around. The only thing that
attested to the other Noah’s presence was the series of bloodstains and holes
in the wall.
“You let him out?” Road asked, and Faith nodded.
“Yes, I did, because the Earl needs to trust me just a little bit longer. If we
are to stop his plan, I must find out where and when, and more importantly, how
it is going to happen. Please, Road, go with the Exor—” Faith cut herself off,
becoming wide-eyed.
“Faith?” Road asked worriedly. A bright, dazzling smile that lit up Road’s
dreary world played on Faith’s lips as her eyes shone with unadulterated hope.
“You must go with the Exorcists, Road! You’ll be with my Heart, so you’ll be
safe. You’ll even be able to help, and I know you want to,” Faith said, shining
in a way that she did only when she was very, very happy.
Reluctantly, Road agreed, nodding her head numbly. “You’ll be okay?” She asked.
“I may be drugged now, but I will wake again—I’ve done it before—and when I do,
I’m going to go straight to the Earl and gain his trust again. Please, trust
me, Road, and I think I’ll be able to end this war soon.”
Turning to Cyrah Kabbah, Road extended a hand. “I… must come with you,” she
said, speaking softly and awkwardly as she averted her eyes. Going to the Order
sounded good in theory, but there were many there who no doubt wanted her
killed.
She did not feel the burn of the Innocence as the General walked over and
grasped her hand firmly. They shook, and Road knew that somehow, whether from
her own actions or Faith’s presence, she had gained a very small sliver of
trust from the woman.
“I must go now. Contact me soon, because I won’t be able to reach you,” Faith
said.
Nodding and taking a deep breath, Road let her world dissolve into the real
one.
***** Return to Innocence *****
Chapter_22—Return_to_Innocence
October 13, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark
Lenalee had cried herself to sleep, and Allen had stayed up holding her, until
her sobs had turned into shudders and then into the rhythmic breaths of sleep.
He couldn’t look away from her still form, her face still shining with tears.
She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and her beauty had only been
enhanced by the addition of the flowing stigmata that still graced both their
foreheads. He couldn’t control the urge to kiss it, so he didn’t resist,
pressing his lips softly to her silky skin. She sighed and nuzzled into his
shirt, a small smile finally reaching her lips. Allen wished that he could
always make Lenalee smile. His chest swelled, and he had to resist another urge
to kiss her.
I wish I could tell you… he thought to himself. He felt Sebastian give him a
sympathetic smile in the back of his head. Thinking back to the bartender in
the pub, he wondered if the old man had been right. Is it worth her pain? He
shook his head sadly and laid Lenalee’s head onto his pillow and covered her
with the blanket.
Sighing, he lay down next to her and pulling her close, whispered in her ear
the one thing he could never say to her while she was awake, “I love you,
Lenalee.”
---
October 14, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
No matter what anyone said, Lolek was determined to be depressed today. It
didn’t matter that Miranda was sitting next to him, too closely for his heart
not to flutter when he stared at her. Today was one of the two days he was
allowed to be depressed. Lolek was of the mind that everyone got at least one
day. The death day of a lover, the day a marriage broke off, the birthday of a
child who died… Those were all prime examples, but Lolek felt none of them
compared to his day. October the fourteen happened to be his birthday. That
wasn’t what made him depressed. No, his depression came from the fact that
Lolle was, for the first time, not with him for it. And she never would be. Not
anymore.
Miranda didn’t speak next to him, for which he was thankful, but other people
walked morosely through the side street of the Ark, talking in hushed voices
about trivial things like meals or friendships. None of those mattered on this
day, because the only thing that could even remotely hold his attention was
dead and had been for nearly a year now.
She had had hair as perfectly blond as his, eyes of the purest blue. She had
matched his skin tone, his height, even his speech patterns. They had fit
together, like two pieces of a puzzle, like cops and donuts, like coffee and
cake. Amanda had once called them Pea One and Pea Two, seeing as they had come
from the same pod and all. Darcy hadn’t been better, calling him a pea and
Lolle a carrot. No one had ever thought of them as two people, not even them.
They had simply been together, one, and nothing could change that.
Except death.
“Lolek, will you please tell me what you’re sulking about?” Miranda asked
softly, placing a soft, petite hand atop his broad one.
“It’s my birthday,” he answered in a hushed tone, not looking into the woman’s
beautiful, sensuous brown eyes.
Miranda’s hand squeezed his lightly, tenderly. “I know that,” she said simply.
Her lack of reaction forced Lolek to look at her, and when he did, he saw quiet
understanding in her eyes. Grateful for not having to voice it, he flipped his
hand over and laced his fingers with hers. A light blush worked its way up to
her cheeks.
“Well, I got you something,” she said, averting her eyes. Lolek found himself
missing her gaze immediately. Damn, he had it bad.
“You didn’t have to,” he said softly as Miranda reached into the pocket of her
Exorcist jacket. She produced a small box wrapped in a deep green paper. He
took it gently from her grasp, sending her a grateful look.
Inside was a watch, and Lolek felt his throat tighten. Lolle had always gotten
him watches for his birthday. He always broke them, though. This watch,
however, was of a much better quality than any his sister had purchased. He
gazed at the Rolex unbelievingly.
“I’m going to break it,” he said sadly, taking it from its packaging.
Miranda squeezed their linked hands. “Then I’ll fix it.” Softer, she added,
“look on the back.”
Engraved in small, looping cursive was a tiny message: Now you won’t have to
ask me for the “time” anymore. Love, M. Lolek felt his throat tighten further
and pushed the feeling back, unwilling to cry in front of this beautiful woman.
“Thank you,” he breathed, unable to make a sound with his throat so tight.
There was an uncomfortable lump in it, making his eyes water. He blinked
several times until the incriminating tears subsided.
Leaning over, Miranda shyly kissed his cheek, her face lit like a beacon. “I
know today is a sad day for you, but it will get better,” she said, and
something in her tone implied a promise. Looking into her eyes, Lolek saw a
well of grief there that he had never before noticed. It looked irrevocably
wrong, seeping there in her eyes, and he wanted to take it away, draw it into
himself.
“You talk like you know,” he said softly. Miranda’s lips tilted up in a smile,
and she shook her head, keeping silent.
“Everyone here knows loss,” she said vaguely, standing up and walking off.
Lolek gazed at her receding figure, wondering just how much she had suffered.
Somehow, the notion did not sit well with him. He didn’t want Miranda hurting,
especially like he did.
Lolle, he thought to his deceased twin. What do I do?
There was no response.
There would never be one again.
Fastening on the fancy watch, Lolek felt a tiny tendril of happiness snake into
his system. Perhaps, even with Lolle gone, he could persevere. As long as
Miranda was there. Lolek shook his head. He really did have it bad.
---
Darcy was not a god. A sex god, maybe, but not an I’m-gonna-heal-all-your-ills-
with-mah-magics god. He did not know how to console the inconsolable. Wrapping
his bare arms around his girlfriend, he felt none of her usual responses, none
of the melting, none of the smile. It hurt. She hadn’t said a word since the
funeral, which was a bad sign. Even at her most serious, Amanda was much like
Lavi—always chattering, always moving. Her stillness was ominous, and it pushed
him to the very limits of his sanity.
He’d known Amanda since he had come to the Order at age nineteen. At some point
in the last two years, something had changed. There were feelings, that was
obvious. Even more obvious was the sex factor. Still, it seemed like she hadn’t
changed at all. She remained sunny and cheerful. Seeing her like this, so lost,
so still, was very painful.
“She’s gone,” Amanda whispered, and Darcy flinched at the sudden noise. In his
arms, Amanda stiffened. He maneuvered himself so he was in front of her, and he
saw great, crocodile-sized tears leaking like liquid diamonds from her eyes.
Thank God she’s finally crying, he thought. He pulled her forward, but she put
her hands on his chest, resisting the contact. Darcy lifted an eyebrow, but
then their eyes met.
Amanda’s eyes were possibly the scariest, saddest thing he’d ever seen. Their
cobalt was now shining with the lake of tears she had yet to shed, and they
were framed with long, dark lashes. They looked like tiny, dripping swimming
pools. Only sad.
Darcy was not an eloquent man. He had no idea what to say. Thankfully, Amanda
saved him from that.
“She’s gone, Darcy, she’s really gone,” she said in that same shocked whisper.
“I don’t know… w-w-what am I supposed to… to do?”
“You live,” he said, finally finding something to say. He pulled her to his
chest again, and this time, she didn’t resist. “You live so that she won’t have
died in vain.”
“She didn’t d-d-die for m-me, Darcy,” Amanda stammered, seeming as if she was
still holding back emotion. It wouldn’t surprise Darcy if she was.
“I know, babe, but if you die just ‘cause she did, then how will that help?” He
rubbed little circles on her back. Really, this whole consoling thing wasn’t so
bad.
Amanda crumpled into him, sobbing so hard her body shook his with their force.
He held her a bit tighter, imagining himself as an anchor. He cut off that
thought. That sounded ridiculous. He whispered tiny, sweet things into her ear
as she just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, breaking and shaking and quaking.
“It’s okay, Amanda, cry all you want. I know Artemis told you not to mourn, but
sometimes, you just need to cry—” Darcy muttered. Amanda stiffened, cutting his
words off.
“She wouldn’t want this,” she said urgently, placing her trembling hands on his
shoulders. Darcy was struck by just how gorgeous Amanda was, even with red,
swollen eyes, tear tracks, and snot running down her face.
“No, love, but it’s okay to feel it,” Darcy said, petting the back of her head
as if she were a cat.
“No, it’s not!” Amanda exclaimed, pushing herself away. The accompanying gust
of air blew into Darcy’s very sopping chest, and he shivered a bit.
“It’s okay to—” Darcy insisted.
“It’s not!” Amanda reiterated in a scream, pulling away from him completely and
jumping off the bed. She ran to the door, but Darcy got there at the same time,
and he pulled her into a tight hug. “Let me go!”
“No! Just shut up, Amanda, and let yourself grieve!”
“She doesn’t want me to!”
“Well, do it anyway! It wouldn’t be the first time!”
Amanda deflated against him. “I don’t want to,” she said in a small voice. “But
I’m going to get that fucktard.” Her eyes shone with a steely glint, which was
concerning, but it was better than the flatness of the past few weeks.
“Can I help?” Darcy asked, and Amanda’s bright smile told him she would be
alright. He was glad. He was really bad with tears.
---
October 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark
Vikram’s mouth went very, very dry. Emiko wasn’t dressing as a girl today. She
had her hair tied back in a neat ponytail, and she wore a pair of pants that
looked like they belonged to Allen. They were nothing special, just a simple
pair of jeans, but Vikram could not bring himself to look away. Emiko never
wore jeans.
She was standing in his doorway, looking at him as he stared blatantly at her.
She took a step forward, and his heart skipped a beat. Why? He thought, why am
I reacting this way? Why do I want to—?
“Vikram, it’s incredibly rude to stare,” Emiko was leaning down at his suddenly
rigid form on the bed. “You have something you want to say?” She continued
sounding offended.
“I—I… no?” What could he say? He didn’t understand why he was staring any more
than Emiko did. He couldn’t understand why seeing his childhood friend dressed
like this made him want to… made him want to… he couldn’t make himself think
it.
“Vikram, what is wrong with you? Do you really hate me dressing like this that
much?” She sounded pained. Vikram didn’t want her to be upset.
“No! I—I like it,” he stuttered, and Emiko’s eyebrows rose impossibly high. It
made Vikram’s stomach flip uncomfortably.
“Really? You really do?” she smiled brightly, “How much?” She was leaning even
closer now, and he couldn’t stop himself. He kissed her. No, that wasn’t the
proper term. They kissed each other. It didn’t last long, because Vikram soon
realized what he was doing and, clamping a hand to his mouth, ran from the
room. Sprinting down the hallway, he headed to the only person he thought could
understand.
---
October 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Yuu’s room
His lover’s stomach growled. Lavi looked up. Yuu looked annoyed—that wasn’t
unusual—and snapped the book he was reading closed.
“Hungry,” Yuu grunted, standing up gracefully. Looking over at Lavi, he added,
“want anything?”
It was testament to how much Yuu had healed that he was able to say anything
that implied caring. Or liking, as it were. Lavi grinned at the thought without
meaning to.
“Spit it out if you want something,”
“I want toast!” Lavi requested immediately. “And jam!” Yuu rolled his eyes, but
his lips twitched just slightly, and Lavi knew he was repressing a smile. “Oh…
and I’d like some butter, too.”
“Eh?” Yuu looked confused. “You hate butter.”
“Never mind, you just gave me some!” Lavi said. Yuu looked infuriated.
“That’s the seventh time you’ve said that!” He yelled, unconsciously raising
his voice. “What the hell are you trying to say?”
“Your voice—it sounds like butter,” Lavi said quietly. Yuu’s mouth slammed shut
with a loud click of teeth.
“My… voice sounds like… butter?” Yuu repeated, eyebrows knitting together in
confusion.
“Yeah, you know, rich and creamy?” Lavi replied. Yuu still looked utterly lost.
“Do you… associate food to anyone else’s voice?” He asked carefully. Lavi
wasn’t exactly sure why his lover had asked, so he answered quickly.
“Yeah! Allen’s voice is like a pineapple.”
Yuu scoffed. “A pineapple? Why?”
“It… just is. Of course, not all of them are food; Lenalee’s voice is like a
rain shower next to a rainbow!”
“What is your voice?”
“An apple!” Lavi exclaimed.
“An apple?” Yuu repeated in disbelief.
“Yuu, you are so unimaginative,” Lavi said, shaking his head.
Suddenly, the door burst open, admitting a distraught-looking Vikram. Both Yuu
and Lavi looked at each other as the Indian man collapsed at the redhead’s
feet, put his head on Lavi’s lap, and proceeded to cry.
“Uhhhh, can… I… help you?” Lavi asked slowly, unsure how to respond to the
sudden invasion of his personal space.
“I’m not gay!” Vikram wailed.
Yuu snorted. “What makes you think that?” he asked, a hint of sarcasm that only
Lavi could hear in his voice.
“I’m not!” Vikram insisted loudly, and to Lavi’s horror, he noticed his pants
were already wet with Vikram’s tears.
“Can I ask what brought this on?” Lavi asked, patting the older man’s head
awkwardly.
“I-kissed-Emiko-and-I-liked-it-but-I-can’t-like-it-because-I’m-not-gay!” Vikram
sobbed, blurting it all out at once. Lavi shared another look with Yuu, who
looked dangerously close to laughing again. They both were thinking it: denial.
“Er, could you repeat that, a bit more slowly, so you can understand it?” Lavi
asked.
“I… I-I-I kissed… Emiko… and—and I think I may have wanted to, because she was
there… and I was there… and she was in Allen’s pants. And one of his shirts.
And—and…” the Indian man broke off, seemingly unable to speak more.
“And?” Lavi prompted.
“And he was really hot!” Vikram exclaimed, blushing. “But I’m not gay, so I
don’t understand why I wanted to—to…” Vikram lowered his voice. “…Kiss her,” he
finished softly, as if admitting it was akin to admitting defeat.
“Vikram,” Lavi said firmly, putting his hands on the older man’s shoulders,
“you are in denial, so stop molesting my crotch.” He pushed the other man up.
Vikram looked horrified. “I’m—I’m not, guys! I’m really not! I don’t… I’m not…
I couldn’t possibly be…”
“Listen, Vikram. You just said you wanted to kiss Emiko. Emiko is a man. You
are a man. Normally, when one man wants to kiss another man, he is gay,” Lavi
explained slowly, as if talking to the very, very dull.
“I … er, like girls, though,” Vikram said quietly, sounding as if he was trying
to convince himself.
“You just said Emiko was dressed as a guy today,” Lavi said slowly. “Have you
ever felt that way toward a girl?”
“I… yes,” Vikram insisted.
“Was it Emiko dressed as a girl?” Lavi asked suspiciously.
“No!” Vikram shouted, his startled blush betraying his firm words.
“Sorry, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said, looking apologetically up at his lover. “I really
don’t wanna do this.” Leaning down, he kissed Vikram full on the mouth. The
older man gasped against his lips, but Lavi held on until his lover pulled him
away. Clinging to Yuu and trying not to throw up—though he was making gagging
noises—he looked for Vikram’s reaction.
Vikram’s eyes were wide and surprised, but the rest of his face was slack. It
was that quality one had after a particularly good kiss. Lavi was proud of
himself. Until he heard Yuu’s voice growling menacingly in his ear.
“If you ever do that again, rabbit, I will kill you.”
Lavi gulped.
“Gomen,Yuu,” he whimpered against his lover’s chest, hugging him tightly.
Vikram slowly pulled himself up from the bed, hand covering his mouth, and
walked from the room. “I had to do something for him to confirm it. He… can I
please go brush my teeth?”
Yuu snorted. “I am not forgiving you for that.” His stomach rumbled again. “And
I still want food.”
“How about an apple?” Lavi asked, and Yuu sat next to him on the bed.
“I hate apples,” he said.
---
October 18, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark
“Lolek!” Lenalee yelled, trying to sound cross but failing utterly. “Next time,
tell me when your birthday is!”
“Well, I didn’t tell you anything because I didn’t want to celebrate it,” Lolek
said, looking away from her.
“Lolek!” Lenalee exclaimed again, grabbing the man’s wrist as he walked away.
“I know it hurts that your sister isn’t here anymore, but you can’t let it get
you down forever!”
“How would you know? I’ve never seen you—”
“Just because I don’t show it doesn’t mean I didn’t care! Komui’s birthday was
hard for me, too, and it must be doubly so for you because Lolle—” Lenalee’s
heart wrenched as Lolek flinched at his sister’s name, “—was your twin!” When
she finished, a pearly tear was falling from Lolek’s astoundingly blue eye.
He deflated, his arm going slack in Lenalee’s grip. “Do what you want,” he
conceded, and Lenalee let him go.
“You need to celebrate, or else you’ll never be happy,” she called after him.
She saw him shake his head before turning a corner, leaving Lenalee’s sight.
Sighing sadly, Lenalee headed toward the door to the Dark Order’s Headquarters,
hoping the chef would bake her a cake if she asked for one. Enlisting the help
of most of the soldiers, she set up a party. She smiled to herself. During the
end of the war 114 years ago, there hadn’t been time for anything like this,
and she had missed such festivities.
Now all that was left to do was gather party-goers. Heading over toward the
Science Department, she quickly ensured a large attendance. The Finders, too,
wanted something to celebrate, so they quickly agreed to Lenalee’s idea, saying
it had been a long time since Lolek had enjoyed himself.
By six o’clock not even Lolek could keep away from the loud conversation and
plethora of food. Surprisingly, Miranda dragged him in, an aggrieved look on
her normally shy face. She seemed to be yelling at him.
“Come on Lolek! It’s not like a little social activity is going to kill you,
and Lenalee went to sooo much trouble for you! She even begged the chef. She
prostrated herself on the floor and bowed down to him just for you—well, for
your cake—so you should at least do her the honor of showing your face.”
Lenalee had to suppress a giggle at Lolek’s horrified expression.
“Happy Birthday, Lolek!” Amanda screamed from across the room, running over and
jumping on him.
“Get off of me!”
“Aww, Lolek’s a bit grumpy. Don’t worry, Lolek, it’s your party, you can cry if
you want to!” She giggled, her arms still clasped in an iron hold around his
neck.
Lenalee saw the chef emerge from the kitchen carrying a very large, chocolate
cake.
“How come his is chocolate?” Amanda pouted loudly, finally letting the man go.
“Shut up, Amanda, not all of us are born on days dedicated to pie!” Lolek shot
back. “Besides, I thought chocolate was your favorite kind, why are you
complaining?”
“Because I never get it!” Amanda whined, but then her pouting face morphed into
a sly grin. “Hey, Lolek, you know what time it is?”
“No.” Lolek’s face turned comically horrified. “No, Amanda, you—no!”
“Oh, yes, it’s birthday spankin’ time,” Amanda countered with a malicious,
anticipatory grin. Lolek blanched albino pale.
“Not again! Wasn’t it bad enough last year?” Lolek asked desperately, gulping.
Amanda’s grin grew, if possible, wider. Raising an arm and making to move so
Lolek’s back was to her, she giggled. But then she stopped.
“Well, if you don’t want spankin’,” she began evilly, “how ‘bout a big, sloppy
birthday kiss?”
Lolek paled further, turning the color of the buildings in Allen’s Ark. Lenalee
heard a muttered, “what’s going on?” from Allen, and when she glanced over, she
saw him, Lavi, and Kanda-kun walking in, looking somewhat confused.
“I don’t want a kiss from you!” Lolek exclaimed, and Lenalee turned back in
time to see Miranda walk up and give him a kiss right on the lips. Lolek’s eyes
widened in surprise, and he gave out a muffled cry.
“Oh, oh, ooooh! When did this happen?” Amanda said, wagging her eyebrows
suggestively.
“Funny story, that,” Lolek said breathlessly as Miranda pulled back, blushing
and apologizing profusely in a horrified whisper.
“Oh? Do tell!” Amanda implored. The soldiers all gave out a cheer of
encouragement.
“Well, you see, on the tenth, after everyone was drunk… well, you all know that
Miranda got ridiculously smashed, right?”
Everyone laughed at the amusing memory and replied affirmatively.
“Well, I took her back to her room, and when we got there, she wobbles and then
just throws herself on me. I mean, I had been supporting her a lot, but she
just mauled me. We both fell down, so we tried to get back up. Well…” Lolek
blushed mightily, “…you all know how it is when you’re drunk. It’s impossible
to have good coordination, so Miranda almost fell over again. I caught
her—thank God, because in her condition, she probably would’ve killed herself.”
There was more laughter among the crowd, and Lolek continued. “So, I tell her
good night, and she just jumps up and kisses me. And I mean kisses me. Full-
out, open-mouthed, tongue action kissing.”
Cheers erupted from the soldiers, and Lenalee blushed. It had been a long while
since Miranda had been so forward, though, and she couldn’t help but feel glad
that the older woman seemed to be returning to her previous self, her true
self.
“Then, she pulls back and slurs out, ‘I loves ya, Lolek!’ in an outrageous
German accent that I could barely understand. And my mother was German. Well, I
was about to respond, and then she collapses on me! She passed out on my chest!
It was hilarious.”
Miranda blushed. “Did I really say that?” She asked, her eyes almost comically
wide and her voice horrified.
“You don’t remember?” Lolek asked, grabbing Miranda around the shoulder and
holding her in place as she tried to run off. Miranda shook her head, still
wearing that horrified expression. Lolek chuckled. “That’s okay, Miranda, but
you have to remember that I loves you, too.”
Miranda nodded mutely, seemingly unable to say anything else. Lenalee watched
as Lolek slowly leaned down and kissed her forehead and then her cheek before
bringing his lips tenderly to the German woman’s.
It was beautiful and sweet, and Lenalee felt her chest clench in a strange
emotion she couldn’t identify. Tears came to her eyes, and when she looked over
at Allen, he was wearing a pained expression. It disappeared a moment later,
and Allen walked up to the center of the room.
“I’ve got a great story for you guys!” He said, smiling widely. Lenalee’s
stomach flipped. She loved it when Allen smiled like that. It was so free, so
innocent, so… happy. “So, it was me, Lenalee, Kanda, Lavi, Miranda, and
Krory—Krory was another Exorcist in our time—and we were just sitting around
when Komui walks in. And he comes up and hugs Lenalee like usual and then says,
‘hey, guys! Guess what? I just built another Komurin!’ And then the wall to the
cafeteria exploded, and the robot grabs Kanda and starts shaking him, waving
him here and there. So, he draws Mugen, and there was a bright flash of awesome
blue light and an explosion as Komui yelled, ‘NOOO, NOT MY KOMURIN!’ He started
crying, and Lenalee just scoffed and said, ‘geez, Gege, you’re going to kill
someone!’ and she hits him with her clipboard!
“So then, Kanda falls to the ground because he was dizzy, and Krory comes up
and tries to help him up, and Kanda, being the grump he is, tried to take
Krory’s hand off. Obviously, Krory took that badly, and they ended up in a fist
fight.” Allen finished his story with a bow. He had previously told everyone
about the Komurin adventures, so this story was met with general amusement and
appreciative laughs.
“When was this?” Lavi asked, sounding monumentally confused. He stared out into
the distance, his eye going unfocused. Lenalee recognized it as the expression
he made when he was concentrating on something that he couldn’t quite remember.
It was uncommon, but it had happened a handful of times. A minute later, Lavi
shook his head, looking disturbed. “I’ve never not been able to remember. Are
you sure I was there, Allen?”
Allen’s expression grew worried, and Miranda nodded. “Of course you were there,
Lavi, that was right after you came back with Bookman,” she said.
Allen looked stricken. “No, Miranda,” he said hastily. “He definitely wasn’t
there.”
“But he was sitting next to me,” the brunette insisted.
“No, he wasn’t. Remember, it was while he was gone,” Allen said, shooting her
significant looks.
Miranda looked confused. “No, it was definitely after he got back, because he
didn’t get back until after… after Christmas.” Her voice shook, breaking on the
last word.
“I’m missing something, right?” Lavi asked, looking imploringly over at Kanda-
kun. The latter of the two sighed and scoffed in his usual manner.
“You weren’t there,” Kanda-kun said finally. “Miranda is just getting the years
mixed up.”
It was a lie—they all knew it, but the agreement stated that they would never
talk about it. Lavi didn’t question Kanda-kun’s answer, but his look said that
he wouldn’t forget about it. After all, Lavi never forgot anything, even if it
took him a while to retrieve the information.
---
October 22, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark
“Vikram, come back here!” Emiko shouted after the Indian man’s retreating back.
“No, I’m busy!” Vikram yelled without turning around. Hastily, as if trying not
to offend, he added, “sorry!”
“How can you be busy?” Emiko questioned loudly, taking longer strides in order
to catch up with him. “There’s nothing to do here!”
“I’m still busy!” The man hollered, this time over his shoulder.
“You’re lying to me!”
“No, I’m not!”
“Yes, you are, because you’re not looking me in the eye!” Emiko reasoned from a
good five meters away.
“You’re right, I’m not, because I’m avoiding you!”
“Why?” Emiko questioned, dread pooling in her stomach.
“I just need time to think!” Vikram shouted almost desperately.
“You make it sound like we’re a couple!” Emiko exclaimed.
Vikram froze. Quickly, Emiko ran up until she was at his side. Stepping in
front of him, she poked his chest. “What is wrong with you?”
“I’m confused, just let me think,” Vikram said, almost moaning. He didn’t catch
her gaze, and there was a tiny hint of a blush on his cheeks.
“Oh…” Emiko blinked. “Think?”
“My brain is malfunctioning,” Vikram said, sounding miserable.
“At least it’s not your wardrobe,” Emiko quipped. Vikram looked her in the eyes
for the first time, silencing her.
“I need a bit of time,” he said finally, ripping his eyes from hers.
“Oh, okay,” Emiko replied, trying not to sound disappointed. She walked off
quickly, hoping Vikram wouldn’t see how much his rebuke had hurt her. Her small
glimmer of hope extinguished itself, and she tried not to cry as she ran—no,
retreated—back to her room.
She didn’t make it, though. Tama-chan was in front of her door, hand poised as
if he was about to knock. Panic filled her. She was about to break down, and
she didn’t think she could handle seeing anyone—Tama-chan especially—at the
moment. The problem was simple: when she cried, her voice deepened, and she
couldn’t hide it.
Shaking his head, Tama-chan seemed to think better of knocking on the door and
turned. Emiko quickly dove into the room on her left, hoping she wouldn’t
interrupt whoever was in here.
“Emiko, what are you—?” The person started, but then Tama-chan interrupted.
“Emiko? Is that you? I need to talk to you,” he said.
“I—not right now, ne, Tama-chan?” She said, trying to keep her voice high
despite how horribly it was cracking and lowering against her will.
“You sound funny, are you okay?” Tama-chan asked, sounding concerned.
“Just… just fine,” Emiko responded, her voice barely above a teary whisper.
Tama-chan sighed. “Can you come out, please?”
Stepping out of the room with a reluctant sigh, she was surprised when Tama-
chan pulled her into a body-encompassing hug. Emiko blinked.
“Tama-chan?” She asked in surprise. “What are you doing?”
“I’m hugging you, duh,” he replied into her hair.
“Er, why?”
“Because you’re about to cry. I bet its Vikram. What did he do?”
Why was Tama-chan, of all people, comforting her? “He… nothing. He d-did
nothing. It’s—”
Tama-chan held her even closer. “It’s okay to cry, Emiko. He’s just being a
jackass and a tease because he doesn’t understand that he likes ya.”
“He doesn’t like me,” Emiko responded miserably, her voice dropping an octave.
“Actually!” She heard Lavi-kun’s voice from behind Tama-chan, and when she
pulled back enough to see, she saw Kanda-kun and Lavi-kun were next to the man
who was currently hugging her. “I beg to differ!”
Emiko stared unbelievingly. “He doesn’t, though. He’s avoiding me now, and it’s
all because I kissed him the other day when I was dressed as a guy.”
“So the kiss was mutual, then? Well, that makes me feel a bit better. I still
need mouthwash, though—”
“Wait. Why were you dressed as a guy?” Tama-chan interrupted.
“Because I’m a guy,” Emiko answered, point-blank.
“So I wasn’t hearing things!” The Hungarian man exclaimed. Emiko shook her head
mutely. Suddenly, the world jumped as the man picked her up, gripping her sides
tightly, turning her from side to side as if she were some kind of doll. “You
are rather stocky, I guess. And your voice does seem to be very low right now.
How do you keep such a high falsetto?”
Emiko hoped she didn’t look as stricken as she felt. She didn’t want to talk
about that. It bordered on mentioning what had happened during those seven bad
months, and she had put those behind her. “Practice,” she said simply. Tama-
chan nodded in acceptance, putting her down on the ground again.
“Sorry, just to make sure…” he muttered, placing a hand on her very flat chest.
She screamed. “Get off, you molester! I’m gonna tell Chu-chan!”
The tears from earlier started running down her face, so she ran off to her
room.
---
October 30, 2013—Xenia, Ohio, USA
Road cast her mind around, trying to sense more Akuma. Shaking her head at
Cyrah, they moved on, traveling through one of her doors as usual. They had not
seen any Akuma since that day two weeks ago when Road had chosen her loyalties.
It saddened her that she could no longer be around Faith, but she knew it was
necessary. She heard a phone ring, and when she glanced over, Cyrah was pulling
hers out.
“Kabbah,” she said curtly, answering her cell. Road listened to the tinny voice
on the other line, edging closer so she could hear better. It was a man’s
voice, deep and rich.
“Cyrah—we’re in Iraq now,” the voice said. Road assumed he was a General as
well, judging from the note of authority in his tone.
“Are you making any progress?” Cyrah questioned, sounding dismissive. Road had
been around her long enough to know that that was just how she acted, though,
and she thought that perhaps the woman was concerned for the General on the
phone.
“That’s the thing,” the voice said, and Cyrah raised an interested eyebrow.
“They’re gone. All of them.”
“Here too,” Cyrah said faintly. “For how long?”
“At least a week and a half,” the other General said, his tinny voice holding
some subtle emotion that Road could not place from such a distance.
“Us too. We should go back to the Order.”
“Why? Perhaps we haven’t been looking in the right places? Maybe they’re…
migratory?” The General did not sound convinced, and Road scoffed.
“Migratory my ass,” she muttered darkly to herself.
“There have been some… interesting developments,” Cyrah said vaguely, and Road
knew at once that she was being discussed.
“What happened?” The General sounded urgent now.
“Just get back to the Order, and I’ll explain,” Cyrah responded.
“Cyrah, what’s wrong?” His tinny, alarmed voice was starting to break up over
the phone.
“I’m going to need you to trust me,” Cyrah said seriously.
“You know I would always—”
“No, this time, you won’t, but I need you to at least remember that I’m the
most against this.”
That was the first Road had heard of Cyrah’s opinion. As the General hung up a
minute later, she walked over, wondering how to broach the topic. But Cyrah was
already on the phone again.
“Er, hello?” Came a voice that sounded deliciously like Allen’s.
“Walker.”
“Yes?” Road could flutter to his voice all day.
“In ten minutes, we will be outside the gates of the Dark Order. I need you and
Lee there. No one else.”
“General Kabbah, what’s this about?” Allen sounded just as worried as the other
General had.
“There is a… situation that needs to be dealt with—” Road suppressed a sneeze,
“—and only you and Lee will understand.”
“Ten minutes, you say? Where the hell are you? It says that you’re calling
fromOhio. Do you need a ride in the Ark?”
“Just be there,” Cyrah said, flipping her phone shut. Rounding on Road, she
added harshly, “you.”
Road stood up straighter, feeling very much as if she was under intense
scrutiny.
“If this is a trick, you will not escape alive.” Just the iron in her voice was
enough to insure that fact, and Road felt an involuntary shiver go up her
spine, ending at the base of her skull and making her shake slightly.
“It’s not,” she said, a bit more venom in her voice than there should have
been. “No one even knows why we’re fighting anymore.”
“But you do?”
“Of course. I was there when this all began. I am called the First Child of
Noah for a reason, although that title is not technically true. I’ll explain
everything when we get there, but you should know that I am on your side in the
rest of this war. My brothers have gone too far. The Earl is drugging Faith,
Strength is killing with unnecessary brutality, and I can’t keep it all in
check anymore.”
Opening a door, she stepped through, beckoning for the three Exorcists to
follow. They did upon seeing the Order’s gates on the other side, even though
their faces showed a trepidation that Road assumed would always be there.
Looking up at the gates, Road felt another shiver run up her spine. She had
never seen inside these walls, and they gave off such an ominous, Innocence-
ridden aura that it hurt somewhere deep inside her.
“Road?” Allen’s voice was shocked, angry, and curious at the same time.
“Hi, Allen. Faith sent me—I no longer wish to follow the Earl’s ridiculous
quest.”
Allen relaxed immediately, as did Lenalee, who was at his side.
“You are with us, then?” He asked uncertainly. Road nodded, and Allen smiled.
Road had not felt so accepted since Tyki had died, ironically killed by the boy
and Noah standing in front of her. Running forward, she wrapped her arms around
their necks, pulling them into a close, familial hug. They returned it with
equal vigor, placing their arms around her slim form and pulling her closer.
“WHAT THE FUCK?” It was an exclamation from the same person whose tinny voice
had spoken to Cyrah.
“Relax, Tuan, she’s with us,” Allen said calmly, tightening his arms around
Road possessively, as one would do to a sister who had been lost a long time.
Road’s eyes prickled with tears at the unspoken gesture. Allen Walker and
Lenalee Lee would fight the entire Order to allow her presence here; they would
alienate their people just for her. Road felt warm for the first time since
Sarah had died. It was a tiny, glowing feeling, like someone had lit a small
candle in her chest. Her blood began to hurt, as did her forehead and every
inch of skin, but it was more akin to a buzz than actual pain, so she ignored
it.
“I’m not here to hurt your people. I want to help—I want to fight for Faith,”
Road affirmed. Tuan looked confused.
“Cyrah, is this what you were talking about?” He asked, gesturing helplessly at
the Noah in front of him. Cyrah nodded gravely, coming to stand next to Road in
a way that implied support. Maya, the annoying Mexican Exorcist that Road hated
for her short-sightedness and self-centered personality, did the same,
surprising her. Flapping down, Innocence activated in a way that prickled at
Road’s ashen skin, Krista silently threatened the General to go against them.
Tuan’s eyes widened as he noted Road’s alarming support, but he kept his mouth
shut. More Exorcists appeared on the scene, dashing out of the main gates,
Innocence ablaze. They stopped abruptly, some of them falling over from pure
shock, as they saw Road hugging their two most important comrades.
She saw a shock of red hair. She saw long, flowing black hair. She saw the
Exorcist she had hurt and broken, and she felt … horrible. It was the first
time since Sarah had died that she had ever felt remorse for hurting another
human being. It was there, undeniable, albeit somewhat belated. But it was
still there. She turned helplessly back to Allen, the pools of tears in her
eyes from earlier overflowing into little twin waterfalls of pain. Looking into
the pure, beautiful stigmata that seemed to have remained on their foreheads,
the fury, grief, and pain simply… disappeared. Disappeared as if it had melted
and then evaporated into nothing. Disappeared as if it had never been there.
Pain so intense it threatened to rip Road apart spread through her entire body,
and she felt Allen and Lenalee’s strong grips holding her up as she thrashed
and punched at the air, screaming all the while.
***** Memory *****
Chapter_23—Memory
October 30, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
The warning bells rang all through Headquarters, and consequently, through the
Ark. Allen had told them to stay inside, though, and Lavi didn’t want to break
that particular promise. Oodzuchi was in his hand, activated, just as Mugen was
in his lover’s. Yuu looked fierce and ready for battle, an expression that Lavi
had always appreciated. It was angry, yes, but it was calculating and
determined, and it made Lavi’s heart melt a little. He would never tell Yuu
that, though.
Looking on the projection, Lavi gasped. He had known that the enemy knew where
they were, but the scene taking place outside the Dark Order was simply absurd.
Out in front of the gate was Road Kamelot, and even more bizarre was the fact
that Allen and Lenalee were hugging her. He had realized that they were Noah—no
one could deny the stigmata, however heavenly, on their foreheads. They seemed
to be of a different sort, though, and Lavi did not fear them. They were still
the same people, and their Innocence did not reject them. Rather, every time
they activated, it burned a beautiful, heart-piercing gold. It was the color of
the Noahs’ eyes, that was true, but it was shining and pleasant.
He watched as General Kabbah and the two remaining Exorcists in her group—they
had gotten missives from her on the twenty-eighth of September, along with a
casket containing Bak’s body—walked (or flew, in Krista’s case) to Road’s side
in a show of support.
“This is insane,” he heard Yuu’s buttery voice say, and Lavi nodded in
agreement.
“Let’s see what’s goin’ on,” he muttered. Yuu nodded, and together, they ran to
the gate, knocking innocent Science Department geeks and Finders out of the way
in their urgency.
The scene in front of them was the same as it had been projected. Looking on
Allen and Lenalee’s faces, Lavi saw no signs of Noah possession—blank looks and
stars on foreheads being two. That relieved him somewhat, but he was still on
edge, and next to him, exactly five centimeters away, Yuu seemed to be in the
same state of mind. In fact, he was growling a little. It was kind of cat-like.
And it was kind of arousing.
But Lavi couldn’t think that right now. He had to find out just what the fuck
was going on and why Road was here in the first place. He opened his mouth to
ask, but at that moment, Road looked directly into his eyes. Two deeply
sorrowful golden eyes met his solitary analytical green one. A moment passed
between them, and Lavi somehow knew that she was feeling repentant. Her gaze
shifted to his side, and he noted Emiko’s position next to Yuu, Vikram at her
side despite the awkwardness between the two of late.
Road’s eyes widened for a second, and all of a sudden, the sorrow was replaced
with a pain that rained on the world from just her look. She screamed out, high
and unrestrained, gritty with its force. It reminded Lavi of Allen when he was
in acute pain at the hands of the Fourteenth.
A transformation so stunning and so complete that Lavi nearly dropped Oodzuchi
came over the petite Noah. The first thing he noticed was how the ashen skin
seemed to bleed away into the ground, where it dissolved into nothingness.
Then, her eyes began to bleed profusely, not stopping as hair extended, long
and beautiful, beyond her shoulders. It waved here and there as hair was wont
to do, and it’s beautiful deep, shining black hue caressed her back as it
cascaded almost lusciously down. After only a few seconds, when the hair had
completed its revival—that was the only term Lavi could think of—her eyes bled
away all signs of gold. Road blinked over, obviously in pain, at the now large
group of Exorcists and Lavi saw dark, crystalline blue, a shade deeper than the
finest sapphire. Her stigmata bled into her eyelashes, but when it finally
yielded just moments later, it had the same divine, heavenly look as Allen and
Lenalee’s. Though she was blood-covered and quivering heavily in the white-
haired Exorcist’s arms, Lavi could not help but think of her as beautiful.
It was not, he amended a moment later, as if he was attracted to her. He was
simply admiring her beauty for what it was—just as he admired Lenalee for her
pretty purple eyes and silken black hair or Amanda for her strange but cute
accent. He felt no butterflies in his stomach. The only one he could ever truly
admire in ways of looks was Yuu. But he was not thinking of that right now,
dammit. He understood now why Bookman had told him that attachments made it
hard to concentrate. Not that he would ever give his sun up.
Road arose from her huddled position in Allen’s arms. She looked straight
through Lavi, piercing him in place as if using one of her bizarre candles. He
couldn’t move, couldn’t even take his eyes from her as she walked slowly,
haltingly, over to him. Yuu stirred anxiously (though he would never admit it)
as Road approached, cautiously embracing Lavi as if he was precious and loved.
“I am so sorry,” she said softly, looking up into Lavi’s eye. Again, he was
caught in her beauty’s spell. “I broke you.”
Lavi cleared his throat, which had suddenly become very tight. Smiling
slightly, he said just as quietly, “Sometimes things that need to be fixed have
to be broken first. You healed me, Road, or at least, you allowed me to heal
myself.” It surprised him that he had suddenly forgiven her for meddling in his
brain, breaking down barriers surrounding emotions that should never have been
allowed out. He was somehow impossibly grateful, and he gulped, clearing his
throat again, trying to hold back tears that suddenly wanted to flow from his
eyes, ruined or not.
He felt Yuu’s hand delicately slip into his own, and his heart swelled. Road
glanced down at their joined hands fleetingly and then smiled.
“You seem… happy. I am glad, but… I still broke you.”
“Yes.” Lavi agreed, and Road’s face crumpled just slightly, “Thank you.”
Road’s tears, still mixing with the blood left in and around her eyes, fell
steadily down her cheeks, and she nodded, knowing that Lavi completely forgave
her for all she had done to him. She turned to Emiko—Lavi wondered why and
immediately wanted to know what Road had done to the poor girl-boy, who Vikram
was physically restraining, despite the girl-boy’s obvious attempts to get
free.
“Emiko…-chan?” Road asked softly, her voice breaking on the last syllable. Lavi
knew at once that she wouldn’t try to hug the girl—Lavi decided that was the
best thing to call her, seeing as she was in drag at the moment. Road was
smart. She knew Emiko had boundaries.
“Fuck you!” Emiko shouted, her voice the rich tenor of a man.
“I broke you, too. I’m not asking forgiveness. What I did to you can’t be
forgiven. But I’m so sorry, Sasaki. I was… corrupted by the Earl’s influence.
I… wasn’t in my right mind at the time. Please, please, if there is anything
you want me to do for you, I won’t hesitate to do it. If you want to kill me,
go ahead!” She hung her head, arms at her sides, and when she gazed back up at
the other girl, her tears had doubled yet again. “Please, just… I’m so sorry.
If I could go back, I’d stop myself. I’m just—”
“Shut the fuck up,” Emiko said sharply, and her voice was back in its chiming
falsetto. “You ruined my life, don’t go apologizing for it.” She spat out the
last phrase with such venom and hate that Lavi shivered against it just a
little bit. From Road’s stricken face, she had been similarly affected.
“I know, and if there’s anything I can—”
“Just don’t ever talk about it! I’m fine! I live with what I’ve become every
day, and I don’t need you sniveling around me trying to—”
“Emiko!” Vikram snapped, and the girl shut up. A tear ran down Emiko’s face,
but otherwise, she remained stoic, not breaking her composure even to wipe the
tear away.
“Do you never want to see me again?” Road asked in a small voice. It was that
of a child who knew she was hated.
“No,” Emiko snapped sharply, her voice flinty and yet emotionless.
Road nodded. “I understand. I will avoid you.” Turning to Allen and Lenalee,
she walked back to them, her pace just as slow and uneven. She fell back into
their arms, obviously unable to support herself. Lavi felt a vague sort of pity
coil around in his gut, and he had a horrible feeling that it was aimed toward
Road Kamelot.
The gates slammed open, and Lavi flinched at the sudden sound on his too-
sensitive ears as the Director walked out. He paused as he saw Road.
“What’s… going on here?” He asked eloquently. Lavi wanted to know, too,
although he had some ideas.
“Actually, Road, I’d like to know, too,” Allen said quietly, placing her back
on her feet only to have her crumple down into his arms again. He grimaced
lightly and held her, obviously not willing to let her go for fear of attack.
“I… need to be here. Faith said I needed to be here. With you, Allen, Lenalee.
With her Heart.”
Allen nodded gravely. “Welcome to the Dark Order, Road,” he said softly. Lavi
froze, and for once, his brain stopped working.
“Say wha…?” The Director asked, his speech just as eloquent as it had been
before.
“Perhaps you should explain fully once we’re inside. Director, would you mind
if we use your office? I think the Generals—oh, and Lavi and Kanda, too, since
they are extraordinarily powerful—should hear what she has to say,” Allen
requested, but they all knew it was an order.
The Director nodded mutely but didn’t move.
“Is there a problem, Director?” Allen asked, and Lavi sensed his dark side
coming into play.
“To allow a Noah…”
“I am here. You know I possess the memories of the Fourteenth. You have seen
that Lenalee and I now carry the true stigmata. You are obviously avoiding
confronting that topic, but apparently, Lenalee and I are connected to the
Noah. You see Road in front of you, cleansed of her past sins and the millennia
of corruption the Earl has imposed on her. Not allowing her a moment of your
time to explain how she came to be here is close to sacrilege, and I won’t have
that in this Order. There has been enough corruption, enough closed-mindedness.
Let her in, and if you still don’t trust her intentions, I will not blame you,
but she is staying. This stigmata symbolizes our relationship as siblings of
sorts, and I cannot turn down one I love—and yes, I do love her, somehow—when
she needs sanctuary.”
Lavi blinked. He hadn’t heard Allen go off on a speech like that since the day
before the final battle.
The Director nodded in silent, stunned acquiescence, and he led the way to his
office, looking bewilderedly at passersby. If any of the Science Departmenters
or Finders thought Road’s presence strange, they didn’t mention it, instead
keeping to themselves and gazing away, coughing as if afraid of interrupting
the proceedings.
When they reached the office, the Director turned on Road, staring her down. He
had apparently regained his voice on the walk back, and he seemed to want to
exercise it now.
“Explain to me what’s going on. I am willing to listen.”
Road took a deep, almost agonizing, breath, and she began her tale. “Perhaps I
should start at the very beginning, with Noah. He was the man chosen by God,
chosen to lead the world, chosen as a new Adam of sorts. He and his wife had a
daughter, and they named her Faith, since she was the embodiment of their faith
in God. Noah lived a long life, and when he died, he passed his… spirit, so to
speak, on to his daughter. The thing is, Noah was a very strong man, and his
emotions were far too powerful for the young, fourteen-year-old girl to handle.
I was released first, almost within hours of Noah’s death. In Greece, I was
conceived, and when I was sixteen, I had a very strange dream about a beautiful
girl with heavenly stigmata. She looked at me, and I looked at her, and I knew
I had to find her. That was the first time I created a door.
“Faith released many others, including her Innocence, which was too powerful
even to be held in a human host—whole, anyway. At first, she tried splitting it
in half, but it could not be handled even when its power was weakened, so she
shattered it, spread it across the world, hoping that would disperse the power
enough to be handled. She still felt very strong bonds to it, so she kept the
two strongest pieces—those who would form her ‘heart,’ so to speak—to herself.
“Like all things, though, the two pieces were lost. One day, they simply
vanished, and Faith knew they would appear again to her. Or so she hoped.
Decades passed, and Faith felt the Innocence bond with humans or objects to be
wielded by humans, and it made the race just that much stronger.”
Road paused for breath, which came in shaking gasps, as if each word she had
just spoken was taking a huge effort. Bracing herself with another fortifying
breath, she went on.
“She released Love, Envy, Pleasure, Passion, and Lust. Lust was different,
though. She was Noah’s Form as well, and she could take on many different ones
herself. To this day, none of us truly understood her, not even Faith, I don’t
think. But the story does not revolve around Lust. It revolves around Love.
“Sarah was the sweetest, most caring young woman I knew. She cared for us
all—Faith included—as if she was our mother, and we all loved her. Cyril the
most, I think, besides Faith. Faith adored her, thought of her almost as that
loving aunt figure who always, always cares for you despite what your mother
thinks. Love was… Sarah was…”
Road’s voice softened until they could hear it no longer, and when she finally
reached an audible dynamic again, her voice was haunted. “But all good things
come to an end. Sarah was killed by the very Innocence that Faith thought would
heal the world simply by being.” She laughed bitterly. “They called Love a
heathen, said she was ungodly. If only they knew…”
She was silent for a long time, and when the Director motioned for her to
continue, she did not. It was like she could not voice what had happened, and
Lavi couldn’t really blame her. She was probably still very much in pain, and
just speaking at all seemed to be a monumental effort. Allen put a comforting
hand on her shoulder (his other hand occupied holding Lenalee’s), and it seemed
that Road was finally able to continue.
“I will never forget that day,” she said softly. “Something broke inside of
Faith as she saw the Innocence-ridden cross plunged through Sarah’s chest. I
felt it break; the others did, too. When we looked over at Faith, something
very, very wrong was happening. That was the day the Earl was born.”
The Director coughed, obviously interrupting. “Are you saying the Earl is a
Noah?” He asked, his voice both incredulous and accusing, as if Road could have
stopped the events in the past from happening.
“Yes. He is Revenge, and as we all know, revenge breeds Sorrow. It feeds on
sorrow almost, and it feels the need to create more.”
Lavi’s brain quickly worked through the connotations of those words. “Akuma?”
He asked in wonder. Road nodded.
“All Akuma are Noah’s Sorrow, twisted beyond recognition into killing machines
that in turn feed on more sorrow until the world is a cold, desolate place.”
Lavi felt Yuu’s hand tighten just slightly in his. He looked over at the man in
the corner of his left eye and saw that his lover seemed… dumbfounded.
Squeezing Yuu’s hand just as subtly, he smiled lightly, lifting only the
corners of his mouth. A silent message passed between the two of them: I
understand you are confused and will explain it properly to you later.
Lavi thought Yuu looked thankful, but Road continued her story at that moment,
and he could no longer think of his lover, despite his mind’s almost obsessive
need to.
“Faith fell asleep for a long time after that. Occasionally, she would release
another emotion, but she slept for millennia as the Earl took control, twisting
us all beyond our moral capacity. Perhaps that is why Strength was born in the
late fifties. After losing Bonds, she felt that we were even more vulnerable to
the Earl’s control, and she wanted to send us something to help—even though I
was the only one left.” Her voice dripped with an almost mournful tune at the
end, but Road continued, wearing only a small, bitter grimace. “Chaz is Noah’s
Moral Strength. Or he was supposed to be, but the Earl corrupted him, too. He
doesn’t know the true story, so he only follows the Earl’s orders. I followed
them because I thought that’s what Faith wanted, but when she woke up a few
months ago, it soon became apparent that she didn’t. At first, I tried to
ignore it, thought that maybe it was just a ‘phase’ or something. Obviously, it
wasn’t, or I wouldn’t be here.
“One day, the Earl told her something, and it scared her. That’s all I know,
but after that, he drugged her, forced her into sleep again.” Anger swelled in
her voice, but thankfully, Allen’s grip on her shoulder had become a warning
not to lose herself again. “Then Chaz, he… with Artemis. Oh, Artemis. When I
found out, I was so horrified. Not even Tyki at his worst would torture someone
like that. Oh, God, the things he did to her! I looked in on his dreams one
night, and he was dreaming about it, and DEAR GOD, WHY!?”
It seemed Road couldn’t go on, and everyone watched as she broke down
completely, tears washing away the last of the blood on her face. Allen took
her completely into his arms, where she shook as she cried softly.
“I tried to save her—I left a door open, gave her a brand for a crutch—but Chaz
caught up with her, and he… he killed her! I couldn’t do any more than that
without the Earl noticing! But he did notice! And he came after me. Faith told
me to find a safe place to stay, so when I eventually found Cyrah’s group, I
had the idea of staying with the Heart.”
“The Heart?” The Director questioned. “What are you saying?”
“Allen and Lenalee are Faith’s Heart, the Heart of her Innocence, the two
strongest pieces of the larger whole. I am safe with them, and I want to join
the cause. The Earl should not be allowed to live any longer. He needs…” Road
swallowed with some difficulty and steeled her tone. “…He needs to be killed,”
she finished.
Lavi was stunned. Road’s story made everything make sense, in a twisted,
perverted way. Somehow, everything revolving around Noah was something they had
all known but had failed to grasp. He sighed as Road broke down yet again. Her
story was food for much thought, and he wasn’t sure how much sleep he would get
that night. Bookman or not, Lavi would be thinking about this until the wee
hours of the morning, because even this was more pleasant than his dreams. Not
that that mattered.
The Director nodded. “I think…” he said hoarsely, “…that you should be allowed
to stay here.”
From the set of everyone’s faces, there was no disputing that decision.
Someone in the corner coughed loudly, and Lavi looked over, noticing not for
the first time a scrawny man of around forty staring intently at the group of
Exorcists. Bookman, Lavi thought immediately. The clan wouldn’t have missed
this, not for anything in the world. This war was simply too important to be
left off any record, let alone that of the Bookman clan. The man caught his eye
for a moment before looking back at Road.
“For clarity’s sake, you are saying that the Earl is a Noah, the Innocence is a
Noah, and Generals Walker and Lee are its Heart?” The Bookman asked, though
Lavi knew he had already figured this out. Whose benefit is this explanation
for? He thought. Looking at the confused Director, he found his answer.
Road nodded in confirmation, her tears finally drying. “May I have
accommodations in the Ark? Because of Sebastian’s presence in it, I think I may
feel more at home.”
If anyone was wondering who in the hell Sebastian was, they didn’t question it,
allowing Road to be led away by Allen and Lenalee. Squeezing their still
connected hands, Lavi gestured to Yuu that they should leave. A hand caught his
shoulder as he walked out.
“You are… Liam?” The Bookman asked. Lavi shook his head.
“I am Lavi—Liam is my past. What do you need?”
The Bookman’s eyes flitted to their connected hands and back, almost too
quickly for an untrained eye to see. Lavi felt a slight annoyance rise in his
stomach.
“There are some things I need to speak to you about—privately.” The Bookman
shifted his eyes to Yuu, nodding slightly, as if Lavi or his lover couldn’t get
the picture.
Lavi knew better than to try to fight the Bookman on the matter of company and
removed his hand from Yuu’s. The Japanese man looked subtly surprised and
almost… confused. Lavi couldn’t blame him. In any other situation, he would
have insisted that Yuu stay. This, obviously, was to be a conversation between
Bookmen, and such a conversation included cutting off emotions. Yuu didn’t need
to see that, and Lavi didn’t think he could do it with the other man in the
room.
“Gome,Yuu, I’ll see you in a while. I don’t know how long—could be minutes,
could be hours. Don’t worry, though, I’ll stop by if it’s gonna take a long
time.”
Yuu nodded almost curtly and left the room, his back just slightly too
straight. Lavi knew he was angry from the set of his jaw, but his back was
impossibly tense as he left the room, and the redhead was more than a little
worried. Still, he was glad that Yuu was able to show his emotions, if only a
little. He had a long way to go, and Lavi didn’t know if his lover would ever
be able to fully express himself.
“Come into my office,” the Bookman said, leading him down a path that filled
Lavi with dread. He knew this path, probably more intimately than any other
path in the Order, save for the one to Yuu’s room. After all, how could he ever
forget how many times he had traversed the distance between Bookman’s room and
the Director’s office?
Lavi’s stomach sank with dread as they turned the corner and headed toward the
room next to the library. It sank further when the Bookman stopped in front of
the room he had once come to enjoy and unlocked it. A vague memory twitched in
his brain, and he thought of how Bookman had locked the room, too, saying that
the secrets must always be protected, if only by a thin lock.
Catching Lavi’s disbelieving stare, the Bookman shrugged and grinned. “It’s to
keep the secrets in, to keep them—”
“—Safe, I know,” Lavi interrupted, not having the patience for that train of
thought. “Why do you want me here?” He asked as he sat down on what had once
been his bed. He was surprised it was still there, but then he saw a little kid
of maybe five scrawling notes at Lavi’s old desk. His heart ached for the
little girl whose life would be so destroyed by the path she had chosen.
“Lily, leave now,” the Bookman said. The girl looked up, seeming confused.
“I thought you said I was supposed to—”
“This matter does not belong in the record,” the Bookman said firmly.
“But Master, you said that everything—”
“Do not question me.” The Bookman’s voice was as sharp as Yuu’s Innocence.
Locking his young heir out, he took a seat on the bed across from Lavi. “You
really are him?” He asked, and Lavi could tell just from his eyes that he was
burning with curiosity. That was probably the reason the previous Bookman had
chosen him.
“Yes,” Lavi replied simply.
“Your Master left a message with his heir, who in turn left it to me. He knew
you would eventually awaken from your encasement, and he left you an ultimatum:
do you still want to be a Bookman?”
Lavi’s eye widened. Of all the possibilities for this conversation’s path, he
had not thought of this one. “No,” he replied almost immediately, shaking his
head just a little bit. The Bookman gave no emotion away, but a twitch of his
eyebrow belied his true curiosity.
“May I ask why?” He asked lightly, almost politely, but still emotionlessly.
“I found my heart,” Lavi said simply. He didn’t need to say anything else—the
Bookman had seen his and Yuu’s intertwined hands.
“Then I have something for you.” Getting up, he moved over to his bookshelf and
picked out fifteen very thick, very heavy-looking tomes. Lavi looked up at him
questioningly, and the Bookman continued with an explanation. “These are your
Master’s records of his time with you, his concerns about your character, and
his notes on your progress. They’ve never been read except by that Bookman
himself, but he put in his message that if you refused, you were to read these,
should you want to.”
Lavi nodded and took the volumes, staggering under their weight. He walked over
to the library and sat them down on a table. He could finish these within a few
hours and get back to Yuu then. Cracking open what seemed to be the first of
the fifteen, Voice walked faintly into his head.
Don’t read those alone, he warned, a strange note of urgency in his voice.
Why not? Lavi asked. He didn’t have anyone he really wanted to read these with.
Just listen ta me once, asshole. Youdon’twant ta read those alone.
Lavi scoffed aloud and picked the books up from the table, carrying them with
no small effort up to Yuu’s room. Kicking on the door, he shouted in a very
strained voice, “Yuu! Lemme in! ‘S heavy!”
The door opened far too slowly for Lavi’s liking, and Yuu looked at him with
the strangest expression. It was confusion, exasperation, and something that
looked suspiciously like amusement.
“I’m not helping you carry those rabbit,” he said, taking the top few volumes
from Lavi’s aching arms.
“Sure y’aren’t,” Lavi grunted, bypassing Yuu and dropping the books on the
other man’s desk.
“What’s all this about?” Yuu asked.
“They’re Bookman’s logs about me,” Lavi replied, trying to keep the quaking
note from his voice.
“Oh—you couldn’t read them in the library?”
“Voice said I shouldn’t read them alone,” Lavi said in a hushed tone. Looking
concerned, Yuu sat down on the bed, placing the remaining volumes in his hands
on the bedside table.
Lavi stood, unable to decide what to do. He wanted to read them, but Yuu looked
uninterested, and he didn’t think he could read it with anyone but the older
man.
“Are you going to get a book and sit down?” Yuu asked almost impatiently from
the bed, and Lavi realized he had misinterpreted the situation. Yuu had never
waited for him before. It was a pleasant feeling, and it made him feel a tiny
clenching motion in his stomach for just a moment. Grabbing the first volume,
he sat next to Yuu, sitting very close to him. Yuu didn’t seem to mind, so Lavi
leaned a bit against the other man and opened the book.
“I found an apprentice today,” Lavi read. “His name is Liam, and he has the
potential to become even more observant than me. His right eye in particular is
very strong. He saw the glint of my knife when only the barest hint of blade
was showing. He was able to tell me the exact number of needles in my
acupuncture scroll. And he was able to remember everything I told him. He also
seems very above his age level in language and comprehension. What first caught
my attention was his very detailed and obviously spur-of-the-moment explanation
ofPlato’s Republic. I believe that, should he stay on this course—a fact I will
ensure comes to pass—he will become one of the better Bookmen of the clan.”
Lavi looked up at Yuu, who grunted in interest. “Plato’s Republic?” He asked,
disbelieving.
Lavi nodded mutely. “Yeah, it was a really good read,” he said. Shrugging, he
added, “interesting, too.”
Yuu grunted noncommittally and gestured for Lavi to read more.
---
November 5, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark
Road, it turned out, was a very insightful, if childish, individual, and over
the course of the past week, the Exorcists and other Order members alike had
been forced to see that. She was often seen outside, searching for Akuma for
them, but each day, she came back in with a discouraged look on her face.
“It’s not that I don’t feel them,” she’d explained the previous day. “It’s just
that they’re not here. I can’t tell where they are, but I know there are still
overpowering in number.”
The connotations of those words were not lost on Allen, and he wondered just
how the Akuma problem would be solved. This was a war, and if the other side
was still more powerful, then there was no way they could possibly hope to win.
The Earl himself was impossibly strong, but there were only so many Exorcists.
It seemed that the number and levels of the Akuma would decide it, and that
idea didn’t sit very well with Allen.
You’re wrong,Moyashi, Sebastian muttered in his head. This time, you’ve got
Noahs on your side. And we have Faith. Faith decides everything, or were you
not listening to Road the other day?
But there’s still the Earl, Allen reasoned. Sebastian shook his head,
disagreeing.
But you’re the Heart, he countered. Allen had nothing to say to that.
He passed Road in the alleyway that headed toward the Exorcists’ square, noting
as he did so that she looked tired. He remembered passing her room the night
before and hearing screams. He wondered how often she’d been having nightmares.
Judging by the large, dark bruises beneath her eyes, there hadn’t been a night
when she’d slept dream-free. Perhaps that made sense, though, seeing as she was
the Noah of Dreams.
The past few days had been interesting as all the members of the Order had
slowly gotten used to Road’s presence. Most people avoided her, obviously
afraid that she would betray them, but Allen had sought to incorporate her with
the main group, and after some initial shyness, Road had taken to Amanda
swimmingly. They had spent the previous night talking about girly products and
brushing each other’s hair. Allen supposed he should let the frivolities go, as
Amanda seemed to need a new best friend, but when they had come out wearing
pink, frilly negligees, he had had to draw the line.
“Oh, Road, there you are!” Amanda exclaimed from farther down the alley.
Allen grimaced lightly. Speak of the devil, and she will come… sporting the
pink negligee she bought the other day, he thought wryly.
“Allen? Oh, good, I don’t have to look for you.”
Allen stopped in his tracks. He didn’t want to be involved in this. They’d
already tried to get him dressed up in girl clothing once. It had not ended
well for any of them—or for Amanda’s wardrobe. The worst part had been
Lenalee’s enthusiastic presence.
“Road, I need your help,” Amanda said, coming up beside the two of them. “I had
the most disturbing dream last night, and I was hoping you could help me
interpret it or something.”
Road looked distinctly uncomfortable. “That’s not really my area of expertise,”
she said awkwardly, obviously not wanting to refuse but unable to actually
help.
“Well, it wasn’t so much disturbing as… weird as hell,” Amanda amended. Road’s
expression became questioning.
“Maybe I saw it last night?” She said. Allen had no clue what she was talking
about. “So tell me, and maybe I can help?”
“Okay, so last night, I dreamt that I was eating Allen.”
Allen’s jaw dropped, and he blanched. “What?” He spluttered, incredulous.
“Yeah—see, that’s why I wanted you here. Anyway, this wasn’t just like nom,
nom, nom eating or eating eating—if you catch my drift—”
Allen turned green. He didn’t like where this was going.
“—But full-on, Hannibal Lector, knife and fork in hand, sawing through Allen’s
skin like a steak eating. And he was laughing and saying, ‘hey, Amanda, stop
that, that tickles!’” Amanda stopped abruptly, seemingly unable to continue.
She looked down almost hopelessly. “Can you help me?”
Road looked dumbfounded, and Allen was sure that if he saw himself, he’d be
mirroring her expression exactly. “Er…” She started eloquently. “Maybe you have
cannibalistic tendencies?” She asked. “Or—or maybe you… respect him? So you
were eating him… for his knowledge?”
Amanda guffawed. “Psh, no way! Allen’s stupid!” She laughed, waving a
dismissing hand.
“Well, maybe you respect the way he can eat like he’s got no stomach?” Road
tried.
Amanda looked thoughtful. After a moment, she nodded. “That could be…” she
agreed.
Allen resisted the urge to smack himself on the head and walked off, not
wanting to hear the end of the conversation. Unfortunately, they followed him,
so he heard it anyway.
“Oh, I meant to ask you, but I wanted my dream interpreted first—thanks so
much, by the way—but what did you mean when you said ‘maybe I saw it last
night?’” Amanda asked conversationally, kicking a tiny pebble annoyingly across
the cobblestones. Allen snapped his fingers, making it disappear. Amanda pouted
audibly in disappointment.
“Exorcists have horrible dreams,” Road responded, sounding haunted. Allen
turned around, walking backwards so he could face the two girls.
“What do you mean, though?” Amanda asked again.
“I’m Noah’s Dreams. At night, all the dreams of the people around me flit
through my head, and I normally absorb the strongest dream. The thing is, yours
are all horrible, so they all vie for attention, and I’m forced to watch them
all. I dreamt about genocide last night. Do you know whose that might be?”
Amanda and Allen shared a look. “Lavi,” Amanda said, and Road nodded.
“I thought so,” she said miserably. Amanda placed a hand on her shoulder, and
though Road still remained somewhat depressed, she seemed to liven up a bit.
---
November 8, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
“That better not be you following me, Rabbit!” Yuu shouted, keeping his fast
pace. He heard a little rabbit-like whimper behind him and sighed. “I told you
to stay!”
“But Yuuuu!” Lavi whined. ”I’m not a doooog!” Sighing again, Yuu turned around,
grasping Mugen’s activated hilt for internal balance.
“I told you no, rabbit. I can’t concentrate on training when you’re there…
pining after me,” he growled.
“You know I’m there?” Either Lavi was an idiot, or he was faking. Judging by
how his eye held genuine shock, Yuu figured it was the first, which wasn’t a
comforting thought.
“Che. Just go bother Moyashi.”
“But Yuu, you’re really hot when—”
Drawing his blade, he took a swipe at the redheaded rabbit. “What was that?” He
asked, pointing the tip of the blade right under Lavi’s chin. It poked lightly
at the other man’s Adam’s Apple, not quite breaking skin.
“Nothing, I’ll go,” Lavi said in a high-pitched voice, raising his hands in a
sign of defeat.
“Che,” Yuu said, turning around and sheathing his Innocence.
He heard Lavi shuffle away morosely, and he scoffed once more. He walked in
silence through the rest of the crowd, glaring at the passersby, intimidating
them just as he had in the past. It was an enjoyable pastime, really, and Yuu
liked it. Something about people quaking in their boots just from a well-placed
glare made him feel… powerful wasn’t the word he was looking for, but it would
have to suffice, since that was definitely a factor.
He sighed as he took off his Exorcist jacket and wrapped his chest as he always
did. Originally, it had been to hide the Lotus mark, but now it had the added
benefit of covering most of his scars. He didn’t like the idea of training new
techniques when he couldn’t move well. He only trained in his Exorcist jacket
once he had mastered everything enough to do it in his sleep. Sometimes, back
in the past, he had. His tired brain would take him through each step of the
swings he practiced, and when he awoke, he found he was quite rested.
Yuu worked himself into a meditative state of mind as he warmed up his lazy
muscles. By the time he started working with his sword, which was heavier right
now to allow ease of movement later, he was already so far gone in his trance
that he didn’t hear the Little Fucker walk in.
He did, however, feel the strange wind on his neck from the Little Fucker’s
wings. Startled, he dropped his sword, lost his balance, and caught himself in
a forward roll so as not to break his arms. His back would be bruised for all
of five seconds—or however long the Lotus was taking these days—but it was
worth avoiding worse injury.
“Get the fuck out of here!” He yelled, picking up his sword and brandishing it
at her. She flew out of reach, and Yuu glared up at her form, contemplating
activating his Fourth Illusion so he could throw it at her. Logically, he knew
he could throw his sword as it was, but it was more satisfying to throw the
double-bladed spear. It made better sounds when it impacted its target. Less
shing, more squelch.
But then he remembered he wasn’t allowed to kill Exorcists. Growling in
something that came out more like a frustrated sigh, Yuu allowed Mugen to
deactivate and went over to the shelf of weights in the other corner. He tossed
one at her, though it missed.
“That was mean!” She shouted, but he ignored it as he began doing sit ups.
Eventually, she left, and when she did, he went back to his swordplay.
Walking up the stairs several hours later, sweaty but satisfied, he didn’t
notice her lurking.
“KANDAAAA!” She yelled, smacking into him. He lost his balance and fell
backward. It took him only a moment to realize that he was still only at the
top of the stairs. With a thrill of dread, he felt himself fall. He felt his
back hit something, and then star-seeing pain erupted from his skull. And then
he was on the ground, and the Little Fucker was screaming, and all he could do
was close his eyes because he was suddenly so very, very tired…
---
November 8, 2013—The Dark Order, Allen’s Ark
Lavi felt distinctly unloved. He hadn’t known that Yuu knew he was there. And
he did not pine, dammit! He just looked at the body of his lover as he ran
through sword drills and did many laborious exercises. He loved the way the
sweat ran down Yuu’s body and the way that he was always so concentrated.
Simply put, it was gorgeous, especially when he didn’t notice his hair tie
coming out, and his hair flew out everywhere, surrounding his straining form
like a sensuous, black waterfall. And then he’d make a buttery grunt that would
make Lavi melt like ice cream on a hot day, and he would be in Heaven. He loved
watching Yuu train.
But Yuu hated it. Lavi frowned, pouting. It was not like Yuu even needed to
train anyway. They were all stuck in Headquarters until the Akuma returned or
they finally got the Earl’s whereabouts. Lavi had never felt useless as an
Exorcist, but he figured there was a first time for everything, and he loved
trying out first things. Like that time two years before the final battle when
he had dyed his hair black, just for the fun of it. Bookman had nearly killed
him, but it had been almost insanely fun. Until Bookman had shaved his head.
Yuu had laughed at him—well, it was more like the tiniest little snicker and a
small upturn to his lips, but that had equated to the same thing back in the
day.
Lavi sighed, coming to a halt. Apparently, he was missing some time. He hadn’t
noticed before, but now that he thought of it, his memory was very sketchy
during the final year, and it disappeared completely around September. He had
confessed this to Yuu, who had not looked surprised, and Lavi wanted to shake
him or kiss him or do anything until he told Lavi why he had reacted that way.
He found Allen and Lenalee sitting in the Main Plaza of the Ark, holding hands
and looking peaceful. The stigmata they now wore permanently on their foreheads
glowed in the late evening sun. Lavi sat next to them and took a nap. Allen and
Lenalee weren’t far behind him.
It was his cell phone that woke them all up. Flipping it open, Lavi grunted,
mumbling a slurred, “hello?”
“Lavi, get your ass to the hospital!” Darcy’s voice was urgent, but in his
sleeping state, he didn’t register it.
“G’way,” he murmured incoherently.
“Kanda fell down the stairs,” Darcy said, and Lavi’s mind snapped awake.
“What?” He shouted, dropping the phone and sprinting desperately down the maze
of alleyways until he reached the entrance to the Science Department. As he ran
up the three flights of stairs to the hospital wing, he realized he could have
just woken Allen and had him open a portal, but his heart was racing too fast,
and he was so scared, and—
And Yuu was awake, looking extremely bored and somewhat angry, restrained to
the bed. Lavi ran over to his lover, he of the droopy eyes and heavily bandaged
head, and gently wrapped his arms around him.
“Thank God you’re okay,” Lavi breathed, horrified by how corny he sounded but
not quite bringing himself to care. Yuu blinked at him, and Lavi noted that his
eyes were slightly too dilated. Immediately, concern washed through his body.
“Shut up, rabbit. I woulda been fine ’f tha’ Li’l Fucker ’adn’t pushed me down
the stairs!” He shot a menacing glare at the curtained-off bed next to him. He
flinched, but Lavi’s attention was soon taken from it as he heard a little
squeak from inside.
“Sorry!” The girl who had bitten Yuu squealed. Biting down on his fury, Lavi
resisted the urge to go over and bash the girl’s brain in—she had probably not
meant to almost kill his sun—and searched Yuu for other signs of injury.
“I’ss jus’ my head, Baka,” Yuu slurred.
“How bad?” Lavi asked, afraid to know the answer and yet needing to at the same
time.
“’M already healed,” Yuu grunted. “I’ve been ’ere fer five hours. Where…?” His
voice trailed off, and he blinked, swaying a little. “Where were you?” He
finished, sounding a bit drowsy.
Lavi’s eyes widened. “Five hours?” He asked and saw Yuu flinch at the sudden,
loud noise. “I only just got a call! I’m gonna kill Darcy!” He made to run
back, but Yuu caught his wrist, which had been close to the restraints.
“Whatever,” he said, looking away, the tiniest hints of a blush high on his
cheeks. “They won’ lemme leave, though,” he added after a moment.
“Well, I’ll keep ya company until they do, ne?” Lavi suggested. “Just lemme go
grab a book.”
Yuu nodded, and Lavi made to leave the room, stopping in the doorframe and
turning back to his lover. “You never answered my question,” he said.
Yuu looked away again. “It wasn’t… that bad,” he said. Lavi narrowed his eye.
“Yes, it was. Look me straight in the face and tell me how bad you were
injured.” He tapped his foot as Yuu looked over and sighed.
“Jus’ a c’ncushun,” he murmured. Lavi’s eye narrowed further.
“How bad?” He asked again.
“Not bad’r I would’nta…” his eyes fell closed, and Lavi stepped forward to slap
him awake. A nurse walked in.
“Kanda!” She said, sounding alarmed. She rubbed her knuckles into Yuu’s chest,
rousing the man. He glared angrily at her. “Oh,” she said, noticing Lavi. “Are
you here visiting him?”
Lavi nodded. The nurse clucked.
“Sorry, visiting hours just finished, so you’ll have to leave for the day.”
Lavi turned and stormed from the room. He grabbed the latest volume of
Bookman’s logs—number twelve—and returned to the hospital ward, Innocence
ablaze.
“You will let me visit him!” He ordered, and the nurse nodded, pulling up a
chair for him. He sat down, not caring about how uncomfortable the chair was.
“Yuu,” he said to the delirious man as he opened the large tome to the middle,
where they had last left off. “You are an idiot. You’re not healed at all.”
Yuu nodded gingerly in agreement. “I can’t be,” he said, and Lavi noted that
his slurring was already getting somewhat better. “There’s two of you.” He
abruptly began to cry, looking angry that the tears were flowing at all.
Allen walked into the room, and Yuu looked at him, tears stopping just as
suddenly as he started to laugh. “Haha, there are three Moyashis,” he cackled.
“Imagine if they were all choking on pretzels.” Lenalee walked in, and Yuu
sobered once more, tears falling from his eyes yet again. Lavi shook his head,
not knowing whether to be amused or worried.
He decided on worriedly amused. Pulling the chair up to Yuu’s still restrained
hands, he intertwined their fingers and read through a few entries. Yuu was
silent, and every few seconds, Lavi ended up distracting himself by checking on
his lover’s condition. Putting the book down as a bad job, he looked up at Yuu
once more.
Groaning, Yuu fought lightly against the restraints. “My head hurts,” he said,
his words the clearest they’d been all night.
Lavi brought a hand up and gently ran it through Yuu’s hair, careful to avoid
the tangles from his fall. Yuu leaned into the touch just slightly, and his
face relaxed in a way that would never have happened had he not been severely
concussed. He moaned lightly, and Lavi kept up the soft strokes until Yuu was
nearly in a trance. Lavi was no longer worried that his lover would fall
asleep. He seemed healed enough to be in the safe zone. Leaning forward, Lavi
tenderly pressed his lips to Yuu’s, letting them linger for a moment before
pulling back. A deep coil of passion settled in his stomach, but he ignored it.
Yuu didn’t need that right now.
Yuu sighed and leaned forward, but Lavi continued moving back, leaving his hand
in Yuu’s hair nonetheless.
“You’re delirious, Yuu-chan,” he said softly, carding his hands through Yuu’s
hair again.
“I’m not,” he grunted, and Lavi smiled. “There aren’t two of you anymore,” he
insisted.
“Well, unfortunately, unlike in Tristan where they can have sex to cure
themselves from their wounds, you need actual rest, so I refuse to let you
seduce me. Especially since I know you don’t like bondage.” He gazed down at
Yuu’s restraints, and the other man strained against them again. Lightly,
almost tenderly, he removed them from Yuu’s wrists. The look of unadulterated
thanks was all Lavi needed to know that he had made the right decision. “Let’s
go back to the room,” he whispered.
Yuu nodded, wincing a bit, and stood up unsteadily. He tilted to one side,
though Lavi caught him before he fell. “Baby steps, Yuu,” he chided. Yuu
punched him in the gut. He was obviously healing, because it hurt.
“Wait—my book,” Lavi said abruptly, and he let Yuu go (he swayed unsteadily)
and grabbed it quickly, grasping Yuu again before he fell. “Come on—you’re fine
now.”
Indeed, Yuu’s pupils were no longer overly dilated, and the longer they walked,
the steadier his steps became. They walked back to the room, stopping only in
the bathroom so that Lavi could gently rinse the blood from Yuu’s hair.
As they sat on the bed, Lavi opened the volume again. Yuu wrapped an arm around
him—at which Lavi’s heart glowed—and pulled him closer. Flipping to the page,
Lavi suddenly felt himself leaving reality.
Voice stood in front of him. I can’t let you read that entry—not without you
knowin'. Ask Yuu ta tell you about when you were gone. If you still wanna read
it, I’ll have ta juxtapose myself completely.
Lavi nodded in understanding and turned to Yuu, who was looking confused.
“What happened during the time I can’t remember?” He asked.
Yuu sighed and began almost reluctantly to explain, “You left in September. We
all knew something was wrong, because for weeks, Bookman had kept both of you
locked in your room, but none us had any idea why. The day you left, you were
crying, and as Bookman pulled you out of the front gate, you looked at me and
your face shut down. You were gone for six months, and when you came back, you
weren’t Lavi anymore. You didn’t remember anyone, not Allen, not Lenalee, not…
me.”
Yuu clammed up, and Lavi squeezed his hand in an invitation to go on. After a
long silence, Yuu continued, “We received a letter from Bookman a few weeks
before you returned, saying that you had ‘amnesia’ from ‘traumatic injury.’ We
knew it was a lie as soon as we saw you. Even when you first came to the Order
at sixteen, you had this light in your eye. It was annoying, and I hated it,
but it was there. When you came back, your eye was flat, almost glazed over.
Lenalee came over and hugged you; you flinched back and asked her who she was.
She cried that night, you know.”
“I always end up making her cry,” Lavi said lightly, jokingly, though the topic
didn’t call for it. “Go on.”
“You shouldn’t be laughing. There was something wrong with you. We all knew you
were acting, because you simply weren’t Lavi anymore. You… when you were in a
conversation, you acted almost exactly as you had before you left, but when
left to your own devices, you just sat there. Completely still. Unmoving and
staring into space. It worried everyone—it worried me.” Yuu looked away for a
while, probably out of embarrassment for speaking like he cared. Which Lavi
knew he did, however reluctantly.
“You called me Kanda,” Yuu said offhandedly, but Lavi heard the raw pain
underneath it.
“Really?” Lavi asked. Yuu nodded, and Lavi hugged him tightly. Yuu tensed at
the contact, but he relaxed into it a moment later. “How did I… regain my
memories?”
“It happened really slowly. You—you started being yourself again, if only for a
few moments. Bookman still thought you were ‘well’ enough to go on a mission
alone, so you, Allen, Lenalee, Miranda, and I went to Serbia to look for
Innocence. I sneezed while eating my soba, and it went up my nose, and all of a
sudden, you started screaming, screaming like your head was about to fall off.
You started flailing and thrashing, and you injured yourself pretty good, but I
finally managed to enlist the others to… help me drag you back to your tent.
After a few hours, you looked at me and told me to go outside.”
“Did you?”
“You called me Yuu-chan.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“You started screaming again the second I was out, and after a while, you lost
your voice. I could still hear you thrashing the entire time, though. Early in
the morning, you stopped screaming, and when you came out, you hugged me, said
‘thank you, Yuu-chan’ in your stupid, annoying voice, and went off and had
breakfast with Moyashi and Lenalee as if nothing had happened.”
Lavi gaped. “So it was like a fugue state for me, then?”
Yuu nodded.
“The thing is, I didn’t even think about it,” Lavi said. “It seemed perfectly
natural, like nothing had gone wrong. I… Yuu, I think I need to ask Voice to
make me remember.”
Yuu looked at him questioningly.
“Voice said that after this, he’ll be gone, that we’ll be one person again,”
Lavi explained. Yuu nodded thoughtfully and gestured to the twelfth tome.
With trepidation, Lavi opened it. This volume, he noted, was thicker than the
rest, and unlike the others, its script was far denser. He looked nervously
over at Yuu, who nodded and grabbed his hand, squeezing it. Shaking, Lavi
looked down and began to read the fifty-third entry aloud, translating the
compact Chinese characters with ease.
-
8/10/1887
Liam has been showing concerning behavior of late. Today, he walked into the
room humming (he has no musical talent, despite having Irish origins). When
questioned, he admitted he was ‘looking forward to—nothing, I’m not looking
forward to anything.’ For an actor, he is a horrible liar. I followed him to
the party the Exorcists seemed to want to give him for his birthday. I noticed
something there, though. There was a grateful, thanking look on his face when
they all wished him well for another year. Their gifts were all simple,
trivial. Earmuffs, a new eye patch, none of them really seemed to matter to him
except the one from Kanda Yuu. I have mentioned earlier that I have long been
afraid Liam would grow an attachment to this one. He is homosexual—destroying
all interest in girls—but there has always been something captivating to him
about this Japanese Exorcist. Perhaps he finds the mystery of this man
endearing, but whatever the case, Liam is far too close to him, although he
always denies it when I bring it up.
He hugged Kanda Yuu, and I know from years of experience that there was emotion
behind it. This was distressing to me, but not so much as Liam breaking down in
tears as he pulled back. I cannot say I understand it, but when he got back, he
was sobbing.
“Bookman,” he told me, “I have become attached.” I looked at him for a good
while and then sighed.
“It is Kanda Yuu, is it not?” I asked. Liam nodded. He looked up at me, tears
running down his face in a way that was very, very real.
“I… Bookman, I know I’m not supposed to, but I—I love him.” The confession
sounded to me like he had only just realized it as he spoke it to me. He
sounded very guilty, but the fact is that he had emotions in the first place,
and that is unacceptable.
I immediately told him he must forget—I am too old to find another apprentice,
and without Liam, it would be pointless anyway. The boy has perceptive
abilities far beyond even my own, even without his right eye. I still regret
its loss. Liam would probably be one of the best Bookmen if it hadn’t been
blinded by shrapnel.
Liam looked horrified, of course. For the first time since I met him, he
actively defied me, running from the room and saying that he could never
forget—not this one.
I disagree, personally. Liam is too important to lose. I have decided to lock
him in our room. He must agree to forget, as he must become a Bookman. It is
the path he chose, and he promised never to stray from it. I will ensure he
does not, even if he must forget ever having feelings. Perhaps it will be good
for him. He has shown signs of growing attachment to more than one of the
Exorcists—Allen Walker and Lenalee Lee being the two foremost in that
category—since the events in Edo with the Ark. With his attachments severed
again, he will be able to become a strong Bookman, and I must believe in that
or it is not only Liam who will fail.
-
Lavi switched his gaze to the next entry, holding tears back. He didn’t
remember any of this, but he couldn’t deny that it must be true. He had to see
how it came to be that he forgot. He had to. It was an all-encompassing need,
and he could not deny it.
-
9/3/1887
Liam has finally agreed to come. It will be hard to convince him not to care
again, especially to convince him that the feeling is not mutual. I know Kanda
Yuu does not care for him in that way, so perhaps this is for the best—
Yuu scoffed. “I did, not that I realized it,” he said simply, and Lavi
continued to read.
—As there would never be anything between them. A hormonal teenager is one
thing, but a lovesick teenager is nearly impossible to be around. Bookmen
cannot have those emotions. It is for the best that Liam’s memories are
repressed.
-
Lavi hadn’t quite finished with the entry, but he felt Voice’s presence in his
head again. He was angry, and Lavi had the sneaking suspicion it was at
Bookman, but when Voice spoke, his tone was calm, almost caring.
You know my name, who I am, Voice said. It was not a question; it was a
statement. Lavi gave a mental nod.
You’re me—notmeme, but me. You’re Liam, aren’t you? Lavi asked, for once not
entirely sure of his answer.
It was Voice’s turn to give a mental nod. I think you should finally remember
now—I need you ta know. When you come out, we will be one and the same again.
This will be painful for you and me both. My emotions are dark and angst-
ridden. These memories will tear at your mind, tryin' ta destroy it, but I
think it needs ta be done now. Lavi, are you sure you want ta remember? I can
hold on for a while if you’re not.
Lavi shook his head, not sure if it was done mentally or not, and answered. I’m
positive, he said. Show me what I’m missing.
Voice braced himself. Lavi did the same. Abruptly, the redhead felt the Bookman
corner of his brain split open, spilling its contents into his head, driving an
agonized scream from his throat. It ripped out into the world, mirroring the
memories that tore and stabbed at his very sanity, overpowering even his sun
like a cloud of locusts looking for prey.
***** A Moment Lost *****
Chapter_24—A_Moment_Lost
November 8, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
It was happening again—that horrible, gut-wrenching scream that Lavi let out
when his mind was breaking down, the scream he had used that awful night in the
tent, the scream Yuu had hoped he’d never have to hear again. They’d been in
the middle of reading Bookman’s heartless logs about Lavi when the redhead had
just… frozen. Then he shook his head, and a moment later, he was screaming,
howling as if he was being torn apart. He brought his Innocence-ridden hands to
his head and held it in a vice-like grip as he raised his eye to the heavens,
screeching.
Lenalee ran in, and Yuu implored her—he did not beg—with his eyes to get a
doctor. She seemed to understand, returning with the health professional just
minutes later.
“What’s going on?” The doctor asked over Lavi’s persistent yells.
“I think he’s remembering things,” Yuu said gravely. He looked over at Lenalee,
who was crying silently.
“I didn’t think he was ever going—” Lenalee started tearfully. Yuu nodded in
understanding.
“We need to restrain him,” the doctor interrupted. He walked to Lavi’s side and
began to pin the redhead down to the bed. Something annoying twitched in Yuu’s
heart, but he didn’t know what it was because he was… worried… about Lavi.
Lavi just thrashed harder against the grip, and the physician sighed. “We need
to get him to the hospital. I want to take a brain scan, see exactly what is
going on.” A moment later Lenalee was one her phone, calling Allen. Another
moment later a portal to the hospital was opened.
Despite his annoyance at the white-haired Bean Sprout, Yuu had to admit that he
could sometimes be useful. Picking Lavi up bodily he stepped through the door
trying to avoid the fists that attempted to rain down on his head.
Within minutes they had Lavi restrained and inside a strange looking machine.
The doctor stared down at the computer screen, a contemplative frown on his
face and his brow furrowed.
“Hmmm…” he muttered, stroking his chin.
“What is it?” Yuu growled, glaring at the man. He needed answers. Now.
“I’ve never seen so much activity in the anterior frontal lobe. In particular,
it seems to be in the prefrontal cortex,” the doctor replied in an awed voice.
“That does shit for me,” Yuu hissed, resisting the urge to activate Mugen to
slice the man through. Even though his screams had died down for the moment,
Lavi still needed the doctor. Unfortunately.
“Well, if it’s true what you were saying about remembering things, this makes
sense. This region of the brain—the anterior frontal lobe—stores memory,
personality, things like that.” The doctor went back to poring over the
computer screen, and Yuu left to go back to Lavi’s side.
He was surprised to find Lavi’s one good eye open, glazed over as if still in
the clutches of the memories, but somewhat aware.
“Lavi?” He asked, not meaning to voice his concern.
“Where are you?” The redhead asked, voice raw and cracking from overuse. Yuu
picked up his pace until he was at Lavi’s side. The other man’s one-eyed gaze
didn’t follow him, and when he repeated his earlier statement in a softer, hurt
voice, Yuu understood that Lavi was no more awake than he had been ten minutes
ago.
“I’m right here, you idiot,” Yuu replied softly, reluctantly taking Lavi’s
restrained hand in his. No one was around, not even the crazy doctor, so it was
okay to show that he cared. He thought he needed to add something to his
comment, something that told the rabbit how he felt, but as usual, the words
were stuck in his brain, unmovable and constant.
Lavi’s eye closed as the doctor walked back in. “I think we’ll have to wait it
out. If he’s unconscious for a few more hours, we’ll hook him up to an IV, and
if he’s still out in the morning, I think we should start to be concerned.
Naturally, it was necessary that they become concerned. Though he had stopped
screaming, Lavi twitched and struggled against his bonds, completely
unconscious, for the next day and a half.
He awoke on the morning of the tenth, looking very much the worse for wear.
“Yuu?” He called out, and Yuu was right there—he hadn’t left the stupid
rabbit’s side.
---
October 29, 1887—Russia
It was very, very hard to forget, Lavi decided as Bookman paced in front of him
again. He followed the old man with his eye, simply because he didn’t have
anything else to do.
“What have I told you, Lavi?” Bookman said, shaking his head as if the entire
endeavor was hopeless. It seemed to be, Lavi thought, as he didn’t want to
forget. He’d told Bookman as much, but the old panda hadn’t believed him.
Lavi rolled his eyes. “’No one loves me, I love no one,’ same as every other
time you’ve asked me. Look Bookman, I’ve told you, this isn’t gonna work, so
just let me go—”
Bookman’s black-ringed eyes flashed. “He will never love you back,” he said in
a dangerously low voice.
Lavi sighed and tried not to let the hurt show. “I know that, but I can’t help
it if I—”
“Do you hear me, Lavi? He will never love you. He will only hurt you, and then
you’ll come running back to me, an emotional mess. It is better to forgo the
whole experience and simply forget. Haven’t I always known what’s best for
you?”
Bookman had pulled that card before, and Lavi could never deny it. He’d always
known just what made Lavi work harder, what made him more determined. Bookman
had proved time and again that he would point Lavi on the proper path, and he’d
always striven to keep his apprentice on it.
“How do you know, though?” Lavi questioned. It hadn’t been the first time he’d
asked, nor, apparently, would it be the last.
Bookman glared at him. “Because you are incapable of loving him, and he knows
it,” he replied icily.
“But I do love him!” Lavi insisted. “I didn’t realize it before, but whenever
we come back from a battle—ever since the Ark—I’ve always been really glad he’s
alive. I always want to see him, and when I do, it only seems natural for me to
want to hug him, to touch him. I want to know what his opinion is, how he’s
doing, what he will be doing. I love to watch him train. He seems most relaxed
and at peace then, as if he’s meditating there, too. I—”
“I understand what you think you’re feeling. You believe that just because your
body reacts physically, there must be an emotional attachment as well,” Bookman
explained.
Lavi glared at him, putting his full ire into his one good eye. “That’s not it,
and you know it,” he said quietly, bringing Bookman’s pacing to a halt.
“Perhaps we should try something different, since I seem to be failing to
convince you this way,” Bookman said finally.
Lavi nodded. “Perhaps we should, but it won’t matter—I’ll never be able to give
this up. You can’t sever such a strong attachment, Bookman. Maybe the tiny ones
to Allen and Lenalee and Kuro-chan and Miranda, but never Yuu, never Yuu.”
“We’ll just see,” Bookman said quietly, and a shiver ran up Lavi’s spine. He
held onto his attachment dearly; he didn’t want to lose it.
---
December 17, 1887—Algeria
“Good morning, Lavi,” Bookman said, walking out into the tiny dining room of
the inn. Lavi nodded blankly, not particularly caring about the man who had
walked in. But then, he didn’t care about much these days. Except Yuu—he cared
very deeply about Yuu, even if he couldn’t quite remember who Yuu was. He
cared, maybe even loved, this Yuu person, and something in his brain told him
never to forget it.
“Lavi?” Bookman asked. Lavi grunted in acknowledgment of the tiny man’s
presence. “How are you this morning?”
“My body feels especially healthy today,” Lavi commented. It was a lie, of
course. Every time he thought of Yuu, his stomach churned a bit, his thoughts
roiled, and he felt a bit nauseous. It wasn’t a bad feeling, though, even if
his heart took this opportunity to begin to ache that strange ache it felt
every time Bookman was around.
“You are lying to me, Lavi. You seem to be very bad at acting today—perhaps we
should work on that?”
“I don’t feel like it, Bookman,” Lavi said, his voice even and uncaring as it
always was now.
“Did you do your logs last night?”
Lavi thought back. It was very hard to remember lately. “No,” he finally
replied, “I didn’t feel like it.”
Bookman sighed exasperatedly. “You know no one loves you, right?”
There. There was that heart aching thing. “Of course, why would they?” Lavi
responded. He’d learned a few weeks ago that that was the best way to respond.
He didn’t care if people didn’t love him. He was undesirable and could not care
for them. He knew there were people he could care for, though. Yuu was one of
them, right? And there was another. It was a girl, right? Started with an L.
Lena… something. It ended with a vowel, he knew, and there was one more
syllable, but he could not for the life of him remember. And there was
something very white that he liked, too. White, and it reminded him of… bean
sprouts for some reason. Whenever he heard someone apologize, a flash of
someone’s tired brown eyes passed through him, but the image was soon lost. And
teeth seemed to be significant, too. He knew he could love them all, especially
Yuu, but Bookman didn’t like it when he responded like that.
“And who do you love, Lavi?” Bookman asked.
“No one,” Lavi replied, but he was lying again. He loved Yuu, right? He cared
very deeply for this Yuu person, and he was pretty sure that included love.
Right?
“You know, you look a bit sore this morning. Did you not sleep well?”
Lavi shook his head. He always had nightmares these days, nightmares about
deep, dark brown eyes scowling at him accusingly, nightmares about rogue blades
chopping through his body as the eyes gazed ever-angrily on, nightmares about
rabbit stew with Japanese that he couldn’t understand, even though he could
speak it fluently. He didn’t understand these dreams, but they hurt him and
kept him awake.
He thought that perhaps he was forgetting something very important, but he
couldn’t remember what. Which was the point, he supposed. Bookman was always
telling him to forget these days, even though Bookmen were always supposed to
remember.
“Maybe you’d like some acupuncture to help loosen your muscles?” Bookman
suggested. “It will probably help with your logs, too, don’t you think?”
Lavi nodded. He always liked Bookman’s acupuncture techniques. They worked
wonders on his back, and he always felt at peace while Bookman calmly and
deftly slid needles through his skin and into his pressure points.
Spreading him out on the small, lumpy bed, Bookman sterilized his needles and
began pushing them into Lavi’s body like he was a pincushion. Lavi felt himself
begin to relax. His mind began to wander as it always did when under Bookman’s
needle. He barely heard Bookman’s voice as he began the usual litany. Lavi
tried to tune it out, but it was still there, hovering over his mind,
descending on him like a forgetful blanket.
“No one loves you,” it repeated. Lavi tried to nod. This was true, after all.
“You love no one,” it continued. Lavi couldn’t quite make his head shake. That
wasn’t true, it couldn’t be, didn’t he love people?
“No one loves you.” No. No one did.
“You love no one.” But… but… what about… the most important person? There was a
most important person, right? Didn’t he have one? Didn’t he love someone?
Wasn’t that why this was happening?
“No one loves you.” That was right.
“You love no one.” No! No! That couldn’t be, could it?
“No one loves you.” Yes, he got that already.
“You love no one.” That was true, too.
---
February 12, 1888—Portugal
The eggs tasted like ash in his mouth, though he couldn’t understand why.
Taking a bite of sausage instead, he found the same problem. Lavi sighed.
Nothing had flavor anymore, like he’d forgotten it. He was forgetting a lot of
things recently, and when he’d asked Bookman, the old man had said he had had
to forget something again. Lavi didn’t know what it was, but he trusted Bookman
enough to know that it must have been something horrible. Anything Bookman
voluntarily let him forget must have been scarring enough to tear Lavi apart.
He hadn’t asked beyond that.
Buttering a piece of toast—butter was the only thing that seemed to have flavor
these days—he watched as his Master walked into the dining room of their latest
accommodations. He sat down gingerly. Lavi pretended not to see his Master’s
signs of aging and continued biting into his cardboard and butter.
“We are returning to the Order in a week,” he told Lavi. The redhead sent him a
questioning look. “You do remember the Order, right?” Bookman asked after a
moment.
Lavi nodded. “It’s where I got the Innocence—we’ve been there before, right?
But we had to leave for… something. I’m sorry, Bookman, I know I should, but I
can’t remember.”
The old man nodded gravely. “That is as it should be. Do not berate yourself
for this memory loss. It was needed, so don’t try to remember. It will only
bring pain.”
Shrugging, Lavi returned to his stale-tasting bread with its delicious topping.
“Whatever you say,” he said.
A week later, they were back at the Order, and though Lavi didn’t recognize any
of them, there was a large group of people waiting for them at the entrance.
There was a girl with mid-back length hair, a boy who looked far older than his
years due to his snow white hair, a boy of about his age with long, black hair,
a woman with dark hair and brown eyes, a man with vampire-esque fangs, and many
more. Lavi gazed at them in confusion. Did everyone get such a welcome?
“Lavi!” The girl with mid-back length hair called out, sounding relieved. She
ran up and threw her arms around his waist. Blinking, Lavi looked down at the
girl burrowing into his chest.
“Er, I’m sorry, but who are you?” He asked blankly. He didn’t know how to deal
with this situation. The girl froze and looked up, tears falling from her
strangely purple eyes.
“Lavi? You don’t… remember me?” She asked, sounding worried. “I mean, Gege told
us that Bookman said you had amnesia, but… Lavi, that doesn’t make sense. You
should… you really don’t remember me?”
Lavi laughed in his head. Did this girl think he was her boyfriend or
something? Thinking back, he still couldn’t remember her, not even from his
previous trip to the Order. She seemed rather young. Perhaps she thought them
best friends after viewing each other once? It was plausible. It had happened
to him in previous logs. Number thirty-seven had been particularly bogged down
by a girl. It had been annoying, to say the least.
Pushing her back gently, he looked her in the eye. “I haven’t the foggiest idea
who you are.”
Bookman cleared his throat, and Lavi caught himself slipping from his current
persona. Forty-nine, Lavi, fun and frivolous.
“I’d love to stay and chat, but Master and I need to talk with the Branch Head.
Do you know where he is?”
“Gege’s in his office. Er, come with me?” The girl asked, looking at him as if
he had two heads. Lavi nodded, smiling widely at the request.
Lavi passed the group of people, meeting each of their gazes, memorizing them.
He caught the eye of the Japanese boy with long, black hair, and a fleeting
sensation of lips on his passed over him. Shaking his head, Lavi wondered
vaguely why he had a sudden craving for eggs. Shrugging, he continued after the
Asian girl, memorizing the route that he would surely need to take many times
in the future.
---
February 20, 1888—The Dark Order, Main Branch
“You’re putting butter on your eggs?” The boy with long hair asked, sounding
disgusted.
“It’s the only thing I can taste,” Lavi said, shrugging. “So what’s your name?”
The boy dropped his chopsticks. Looking up from his bowl of soba noodles, he
stared at Lavi in the same manner as the girl, Lenalee, had. “Kanda Yuu,” he
finally said, and his voice reminded Lavi of the butter he was still melting on
his breakfast.
“I’m Lavi,” he said. “It’s nice ta meetcha, Kanda.”
The boy stopped in the process of retrieving his chopsticks, dropping them to
the ground again. “What did you call me?” He asked incredulously.
“You said your name was Kanda, right?” Lavi asked, smiling as he took his first
bite. The other boy just stared in his hunched-over position. He was kind of
cute, Lavi thought before throwing it into the back of his mind, where he would
forget it. “So, how old are you?” He added through a mouthful.
The boy turned green and answered only with a simple “che.”
“Well, I’m sixteen. We look around the same age—you’re maybe a bit older?”
The boy dropped his chopsticks a third time. Scowling down at Lavi, he picked
up his noodles and went off into another corner of the room. A minute later,
Lavi saw him storm from the dining hall, seeming infuriated.
---
November 10, 2013—The Dark Order, Hospital Wing
Lavi woke up crying. “Yuu?” He whispered, opening his solitary eye and twisting
his head around to look for the Japanese man. Yuu leaned over to bring himself
into the idiot rabbit’s line of vision. He undid the restraints quickly, and
suddenly Lavi was grabbing him around the waist, pressing his head into Yuu’s
stomach.
“Ra…bi?” Yuu asked, too shocked to speak English.
“Yuu! I—I know why I forgot! I… fuck, Yuu, Bookman made me forget I loved you!”
Lavi sobbed.
Yuu sighed. “I… know,” he said softly. Lavi looked up, tears streaming down his
face.
“Wha…?” He asked, sniffing. He grimaced and coughed, and despite the situation,
Yuu suppressed a snicker. It was just like Lavi to choke on his own mucus.
“The day after you got back, we had breakfast together. You were sitting alone
at my table, so I came and joined you—”
“But you never—”
“As I said, you were at my table. I didn’t feel like finding another one, and I
had been… concerned about you. So I sat down. And you asked me who I was. I had
been expecting that—you’d done the same to Lenalee the day before. When you
said you were sixteen, though…” Yuu sighed and forced himself to continue. “I
knew something was obviously wrong. Bookman would have told you your age,
things that you needed to know, if you had amnesia. Honestly, the old fucker
would probably have deserted you if you had forgotten everything.”
“Don’t call him a fucker,” Lavi said, though it sounded to Yuu as if he hadn’t
meant it.
“I’ll fucking call him what I want. I confronted him, asked him what he did to
you, and he replied you had amnesia. I told him to get the fuck off his high
horse and tell me what he’d done, and he said you’d forgotten everything due to
me. I asked him what the fuck he was talking about. He said you had an
‘attachment’ to me. Then he said to stay the fuck away, that I was breaking
you. I almost killed him,” Yuu finished, looking away from Lavi.
“You… cared, even back then?” Lavi sounded awed, as if he hadn’t realized it
himself.
“Of course, you idiot! I just… couldn’t admit it to myself back then,” Yuu
replied, still looking away. And damn himself, he was blushing.
“Can we leave?” Lavi asked in a small voice. Yuu looked back at him and gave
him a ghost of a smile.
“Che. About time.”
They walked to the cafeteria for a late lunch, chatting about everything except
Lavi’s recovered memories. From the faraway look in his eye, Yuu knew that Lavi
was thinking about it anyway. He would tell Yuu when he felt the need to. He
didn’t need to pry. Lavi would come to him eventually, just as he always did.
Lavi got himself his usual toast and jam, and Yuu sat down with a chicken
curry. He nearly spat out the first bite. It had too much ginger. Scowling, he
went back to the service window to threaten the chef into making him something
else. A few minutes later, he sat down with a large bowl of fried rice. It
wasn’t his favorite, but it would suffice.
Only Lavi wasn’t next to him. Looking around, he saw Road giving him a very
gentle hug. He immediately went for his weapon—an automatic reaction to seeing
a Noah—but the girl pulled back.
“I’m so sorry,” she said, and when she turned around to take a seat on the
bench, Yuu noticed she was crying. Her eyes widened when she saw him. “You need
to know,” she said quietly and walked up.
“NO!” Lavi cried, running up to her and trying to pull her away.
She placed a hand on Yuu’s forehead, and despite his attempt to flinch back, it
stayed firmly in place. His world disappeared and was replaced with something
very… different. He had been in Road’s world before, but this was nothing like
it. It was almost vibrant and very beautiful. The sky shone in through a
pleasant, white-rimmed window, and all around, he could hear the annoying
chirps of birds.
“You need to see what Lavi dreamt about last night,” said a voice emanating
from the walls. Looking around with a scowl, Yuu felt his world melt again,
only to be replaced with a little room at an inn. Lavi was on a bed with
needles poking out from almost all of the pressure points in his back. Bookman
was by his face. Then, abruptly, the sound appeared.
“No one loves you,” Bookman said. Yuu saw Lavi try to nod.
“You love no one,” Bookman intoned, sounding slightly more severe. Lavi
twitched again. It looked like perhaps he was trying to shake his head but gave
up on the motion.
“No one loves you,” Bookman repeated. Lavi deflated a little, but with his next
breath, he seemed okay.
“You love no one.” Lavi started to shake.
Bookman repeated it one more time, and at the last line, Lavi deflated
completely, going almost despondent. If he hadn’t been breathing so evenly, Yuu
would have thought him dead.
A strong, fierce anger coursed through his veins. This had been how he’d gotten
Lavi to forget? Drawing his Innocence, he made to stab it through Bookman, but
the image dissolved back into Road’s mind. A moment later, he was back in the
real world, and to his horror, a tear was falling from his left eye.
They spent the rest of the day in Yuu’s room, leaving only for a late dinner.
When they returned, they sat down on the bed, leaning against the still ruined
headboard. Lavi put an arm around Yuu’s back and laid his head down on the
older man’s shoulder. Without meaning to, he rested his head atop Lavi’s. Lavi
grabbed his left hand with his free one, and nuzzled into his neck. Yuu
stilled.
“What are you doing, rabbit?” He asked.
“Snuggling,” Lavi said, leaning back and taking Yuu’s right arm, placing it
around his shoulders before leaning in again.
“I don’t snuggle,” Yuu said, trying to pull his arm back, but Lavi kept it in
place by pushing it against the headboard with his back.
“Not even cuddle?” Lavi asked pitifully. Yuu felt horrified.
“I do not cuddle,” he replied, shuddering a little.
“Then what do you call this, Yuu? ‘Cause it looks like snugglin’ to me.” No, it
did not.
“I am embracing you,” Yuu insisted.
“I think you’re in denial,” Lavi said.
“I think you need a new brain.”
“So what if I do? Snuggle with me, dammit!” Lavi exclaimed, doing that nuzzling
thing again and pulling himself closer. Yuu tried to push him away, though if
he really thought about it, he didn’t actually want to.
“No! I refuse to snuggle!” He shouted. Lavi released Yuu’s hand in preference
for wrapping it around his stomach.
“Please?” Lavi asked quietly. “For me?” He looked up imploringly in a pitiful
way that Yuu couldn’t quite refuse.
“Che. Fine, I’ll embrace you.”
Lavi pouted, but Yuu couldn’t quite bring himself to care. He wondered why Lavi
hadn’t brought up any of his memories yet. Normally, the rabbit never stopped
talking about anything, and he often told Yuu far more than the Japanese man
cared to know.
The memory Road had shown him worried him more than he could say. It was
blatantly obvious that Lavi felt like he wasn’t loved. By anyone. Not Lenalee
or Allen. Not Miranda, Lolek, Darcy or the Infernal girl. Not him. He wanted to
tell Lavi, he really did, but the words still wouldn’t come. And that scared
him.
---
November 23, 2013—The Dark Order, Main Branch
The days flew by in a steady stream of nothingness. Cyrah had taken over the
training of the soldiers, and Chu-chan had taken to helping the Science
Department with Tamas. The rest of the Exorcists, however, had absolutely
nothing to do. Kanda-kun had begun to train more, which made Lavi pout and walk
somberly over to her and Allen. Allen himself seemed to be trying to get into
better shape, and soon, Lenalee was on her own, too. Amanda spent her time with
either Road or Darcy, sometimes both. The Chinese girl had taken to sitting in
the Main Plaza of the Ark, watching people. Lavi usually sat beside her, and
they usually made up little stories about each person. They changed from day to
day, and they were all amusing. Lavi’s tales were usually either very
insightful or increasingly ridiculous, but Lenalee loved them all.
They sat at one of the picnic tables set off in one of the corners, eating
sandwiches they’d gotten from the kitchen. It was a rare day when Kanda-kun
joined them. He glared at everyone passing by. However, when he looked at Lavi,
his expression changed to something less surly, but the underlying anger was
still there.
“Kanda-kun, what’s wrong?” She asked, concerned.
“The Little Fucker is in the training room,” he ground out, grabbing Mugen’s
activated hilt and scowling at a soldier who had come slightly too close.
“You shouldn’t call people that,” Lenalee scolded.
“I don’t want to lose another half petal just because she wants to throw me
down the stairs,” Kanda-kun said bitterly.
“You lost half of a petal?” She and Lavi exclaimed simultaneously. She was very
worried now, Lavi slightly more than she was.
“How many do you have left?”Lenalee asked, this time on her own.
“Enough,” Kanda-kun said firmly, and Lenalee knew not to push it. Lavi on the
other hand rose from his seated position at her side and walked over to the
Japanese man.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” The redhead asked his voice intense with betrayal. He
stared deeply into Kanda-kun’s eyes.
Kanda-kun tilted his head away, scoffing. “What did you expect? You were having
a mental breakdown, rabbit, and I didn’t want to… worry you.”
At that moment, Road walked up, looking sleepy and rubbing her eyes. She wore
the pink, frilly negligee that matched Amanda’s and sported fuzzy, pink
slippers.
“Hi, Road,” Lenalee chimed out. Kanda-kun looked relieved that the conversation
had turned to a different target. Though, Lavi was still whispering furiously
in his lover’s ear.
“Hey, Lenalee,” Road said sleepily, still rubbing her eyes. “I can’t even take
a nap anymore. It’s like someone’s always sleeping. Must be the Science
Department, because I had this weird-ass dream about a failed chemistry
experiment.”
Lenalee hummed sympathetically. “Yeah, I’ve had some weird ones myself. There
was one the other night when—” she cut herself off, blushing. They didn’t need
to know about that one. Or at least Allen didn’t.
“I’ve probably seen it,” Road said, shooting her a knowing smile. “Hey, Lavi,”
she added turning to the warring couple, “I’ve been wondering for a while, but
are your dreams the ones about genocides, hangings, witch burnings, and—”
“Yeah, those are mine,” Lavi said quickly, interrupting her.
“How do you stand those?” Road asked, looking horrified. “They’re so…
detailed.”
“That’s what every day’s like for me. I see everything, Road.”
Road turned a distinct shade of green.
“What do you dream about, Kanda-kun?” Lenalee asked. He’d never discussed his
dreams before, even after he had opened up to them a bit more. That had been
before Lavi had returned, though. He had seemed very… lonely during those
months. Still, Lenalee could never remember a time when Kanda-kun had shared a
dream. Lenalee herself did it often, as did Allen and Lavi. Miranda had a
plethora of dream-tales, and they always laughed about them.
Kanda-kun brought his scowl to bear on her, and she flinched back when she
realized it was actually genuine. “I refuse to take part in this conversation,”
he hissed. A great, warm concern filled Lenalee’s heart. Did Kanda-kun only
have bad dreams? She vaguely remembered Amanda saying that he’d screamed during
the night, but she had assumed that had been from Lavi’s absence.
“Come on, Kanda, tell us,” Allen said, clapping his hands together in
anticipation. He had only just arrived a few moments after Road, but he seemed
to be enjoying this conversation, judging from his slightly dark smile. His
dark side concerned Lenalee sometimes, but right now, it seemed he was just
trying to egg Kanda-kun on.
The man in question stood up, still grasping a sheathed Mugen. “My dreams are
irrelevant, ask someone else. I’m going to train.”
“Oh, come on, Kanda! Tell us!” Allen shouted after him, but Kanda-kun moved on.
“I wonder what he dreams about…” Lenalee said speculatively.
“You don’t want to know,” Lavi said quietly, sounding sickened.
But Lenalee did. Later, right before she went to sleep, she asked Road if she
would be able to search for Kanda-kun’s dream.
“I can…” the girl hedged. “I think I can open a window to it in your mind,
though I’m more connected to Allen than I am to you. I think it’s because
Sebastian is in his head.”
Lenalee nodded slowly and then left to go to bed. She curled up with Allen at
her side. She slept for a good while, but suddenly, she and Allen were standing
in her head.
“Lenalee?” Allen asked, looking around at the room. It was splendorous and
high-ceilinged. On each of the four walls were numerous pictures of all the
people who made up her world. In a gilded silver frame that took up half a wall
was her brother, and next to him in an equally silver frame was Lolek. Lolek
was against the right side of the picture, seeming to try to push Komui over,
lessening his space in Lenalee’s mind. Komui was pushing back just as hard, and
they remained at a stalemate, unmoving.
Allen himself had an ornate, golden frame with lines of green and gold
Innocence woven through it. He had a wall to himself, and his framed self had
that carefree smile that she loved so much. Even his picture carried the light
brush of stigmata. He was still cursed. But he still smiled and held his hands
out almost lovingly at her. It was, by far, her favorite picture.
On the other two walls were the Exorcists and Science Department members that
made up the rest of her world. Particularly large were the frames of Kanda-kun
and Lavi. Those were right next to each other, almost encroaching on the
other’s space, as if trying to merge into one frame. Miranda was on the wall
adjacent to Lolek, and she looked smilingly at him. Amanda and Darcy were in
one picture, and the ginger man had his arm around the crazy American girl.
They both smiled as they laughed about some private joke. Artemis was also
there, and she was smiling, too. It was as if those past few months hadn’t
happened to her. She appeared healthy and beautiful, just as she had been
before Strength had destroyed that.
“Wow, these are… wow…” Allen said, astonished. Lenalee walked up to his side
and slipped her hand into his larger one. When had his hands become so warm and
big? The picture modified itself slightly just then. The hands became just
slightly broader.
“This is my world,” she told Allen softly, leaning lightly into his shoulder.
He shifted, turning to face her, and pulled her into a gentle hug.
“Why am I so big?” He asked her quietly. Lenalee pulled back enough to look
into his shining, silver eyes.
“You’re my favorite person,” she said almost coyly. Raising herself on tiptoe,
she pressed her lips lightly to his in a very chaste kiss. Running to the door
underneath Allen’s frame, she looked back and called, “I wanna see what your
brain looks like—can we go?”
Looking stunned, Allen nodded. He walked in a shell-shocked way to the door,
where he grabbed Lenalee’s hand again. Together, they stepped through the
passage and into his mind.
It was desolate, almost. The street was a mangy, dirty alley, a dark parody of
a corridor of Allen’s Ark. The doors, though, shone brightly and sweetly,
lighting the alley and filling it with a peaceful happiness. The door shut
behind them, and Lenalee looked back to see a picture of her and Allen on the
door. It moved, which Lenalee found bizarre.
Picture-Allen had his arm around Picture-Lenalee and leaned over, kissing her
forehead tenderly. Picture-Lenalee blushed but wound her arm around him
nonetheless, looking happy and slightly embarrassed. A moment later, their
picture-selves were hugging tightly, ignoring the world and the alley that
surrounded them.
Lenalee once again turned to Allen, looking at him questioningly. “You’re my
favorite, too,” he replied, shrugging nonchalantly. Lenalee felt her cheeks
grow hot with a blush.
She took a look at the other doors, curious. The first one at the beginning of
the alley was one of two shadow-like figures. With horror, Lenalee realized
they must be his real parents. She noted that Allen was not in that picture.
Looking to the next one, she saw Mana’s. Picture-Allen had his arms around the
man’s waist, looking up at him with almost worshipful wonder. The man smiled
down at him lovingly and ruffled his hair. In the background was a question
mark. Lenalee wondered if that was Allen subconsciously questioning Mana’s true
feelings for him. She’d known since he’d told her about the secret language
that he’d been unsure about Mana’s affections. She didn’t let him know, but she
thought Mana had loved him for who he was as well as for the memories he
carried.
Lenalee moved down the alley, passing Kanda-kun’s (in which they were glaring
at each other but had other selves in the background who were smiling) and
Lavi’s (in which Lavi was in the foreground, smiling outrageously, and in the
background, a much more serious Lavi and Picture-Allen looked on curiously), as
well as the other Exorcists’. She quickly noted that, with the exception of the
one with his real parents, Allen was in every frame in some form. Even
Sebastian’s door—which Allen said he didn’t go into—had him in it. Picture-
Allen was glaring at Sebastian as the latter played a white, upright piano, but
Lenalee saw no animosity in it.
At the other end of the alley, Lenalee saw two doors. One had Allen’s right
hand with a person-shape superimposed over it. On the other was Allen’s left
hand and the shape of an Akuma overtop it. Next to that was a door to the
Crowned Clown.
“That only opens when I activate or am requesting something from it,” Allen
said when he saw where her gaze was aimed.
One of the doors emanated more light, so they walked back over to it.
“Ah, Road’s door,” Allen said as they looked through the now-transparent
threshold. Inside was Road’s beautiful hall. On the floor of the hall, though,
was a young-looking Kanda-kun.
Lenalee watched, horrified, as an older man stepped into view. He said
something in Japanese, and though Lenalee couldn’t understand it, she didn’t
like the tone. They conversed for a little bit, and then the man began to sing.
At the end of the first line, he swung a hand back and hit Kanda-kun. It
continued on, each slap, punch, and kick getting progressively worse as the
song went on. Kanda-kun was huddled on the floor, even as the man pulled him up
by his hair and punched his face, until a particularly bad kick to his back
opened his position. The man finished the song with a kick to the ribs and then
went off. Kanda-kun was left, shivering and whimpering in pain, on the ground.
The image faded with Kanda-kun making a painful but triumphant expression.
Turning to Allen, Lenalee could do nothing but throw herself in his arms,
holding back the tears she desperately wanted to cry. Now she understood why
Kanda-kun never talked about these dreams. She just hoped he had pleasant ones,
too.
---
November 24, 2013—Allen’s Ark
They eventually felt themselves lift from their minds and back into reality.
Lenalee was in the same position in Allen’s arms, and her eyes were just as wet
as they’d been in the alley, staring into Road’s door.
“Was that…?” Lenalee asked.
“I think it was…” Allen agreed.
“His father?” Lenalee clarified. Allen nodded. Another tear slipped from
Lenalee’s eye. Another followed it in the other one, and then she was crying
again. “Poor Kanda-kun,” she whispered her voice thick with emotion.
“He won’t want pity, you know,” Allen said seriously. Lenalee nodded against
his chest.
“I know,” she said. “But I can cry when I’m with you, so he doesn’t need to
know.” She felt Allen smile against her hair.
“We won’t tell him, then,” he said, and he held her until all her tears were
spent and his stomach was growling loudly with intense hunger.
Lenalee laughed, though she still felt miserable. “We need to feed your pit,
don’t we?” She asked lightly. Allen blushed in embarrassment, but Lenalee
lifted her head and kissed his cheek gently. “Let’s go do that, then.”
They both put on robes, not bothering to get dressed, and walked out of their
room in the Ark back to the cafeteria in the Main Branch. A tired-looking Road
in an off-white negligee followed them. When they reached the cafeteria, they
were surprised to see Kanda-kun and Lavi there, too.
“What are you doing here?” Lenalee asked. “Don’t you normally sleep later?” It
was six in the morning, after all.
“You do, too,” Lavi said, soberly picking at his eggs. He grimaced as he put
them in his mouth. “Cold,” he muttered. Obviously, he and Kanda-kun had been
here for a while.
“Well, it just seemed like a day to get up early,” Lenalee commented,
shrugging.
“You’re a terrible liar, Lenalee,” Lavi said, looking up from his eggs. “You
saw, didn’t you, through Road?”
Lenalee nodded timidly, an embarrassed blush lighting her cheeks. How had they
known?
“He dreamt that you guys were there, watching.” Turning to Kanda-kun, he added,
“ne, Yuu, on a scale of one to ten—one being least traumatic and ten being
holy-shit-I-want-to-die—what would you rate your nightmare last night?”
Yuu scowled down at his half-empty bowl of soba noodles, though he looked
contemplative. “Seven,” he finally muttered. “No, wait.” He looked as if he
were concentrating very hard for a moment. “I wasn’t screaming, was I?” He
asked Lavi.
The redhead shook his head. “No, but you were doing little whimpering things
every once in a while. But no, you definitely weren’t screaming.”
“Then it was a six,” Kanda-kun said. Lenalee’s heart broke a little. Only a
six? What was so much worse than that that could be called any number higher?
She suspected sexual abuse from his heart-breaking outburst when they’d all
been getting drunk, but she had imagined that to be the absolute worst of his
abuse. From the way the number six had looked, though, she was no longer sure.
“I don’t scream when it’s anything below a seven.”
“What happens when it’s anything higher?” Lavi asked quietly.
Reluctantly, it seemed, Kanda-kun replied, “I scream at sevens, eights normally
include thrashing, I scream until I lose my voice—and you normally can’t wake
me up—when I’m having a nine, and tens…” Yuu shuddered and then added in the
tiniest voice he could manage, “the last time I had one, I had a seizure. I’ve
only ever had one.”
Lavi put an arm around the Japanese man’s shoulder. “I won’t ask about those,
then. I just wanted the voyeurs over there to know that there’s a reason they
shouldn’t pry.” He shot them a glare, and Lenalee felt a rush of guilt flow
through her.
---
November 25, 2013—Allen’s Ark
Amanda was pissed that they didn’t celebrate Thanksgiving in Britain, something
to do with their injured pride at the American Revolution. She really wanted to
celebrate it with her friends, something she’d wanted since she’d joined the
Order. Still, this was the first year that she wouldn’t be allowed to visit her
family on the date, and she had had to call her mother and explain tearfully
why they wouldn’t see her in three days.
She sighed, lying down on the white cobblestones of the Ark and staring up at
the glaring, blindingly bright sun. Next to her, Mr. Darcy sat down, pulling
her head into his lap. He played with the locks of her hair, running his hands
through it and braiding it here and there—she would spend the next week and a
half getting it tangled in her hairbrush because of that—and generally enjoying
the feeling of it.
Lavi lay down next to her, looking exhausted. He and Yuu-pyon had just had
another mock-fight that had degraded to attacking each other with their
Innocence. Amanda knew it hadn’t been real, just like with all the other ones.
It was simply how the two had fun together, when they were not doin’ the dirty
or simply being around each other. She thought it was sweet, actually, in a
slightly twisted way. But then, they were both slightly twisted, so it worked
out.
“Aaah, I love ya, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said softly, his voice thick with the sleep
that was already overtaking him. Amanda looked over. Yuu-pyon looked
conflicted.
“I… I…” He broke off with a frustrated sigh and scowled at the ground. Amanda
sat up.
Lavi’s snores filled the Ark, and Amanda approached the older man, pulling him
up and dragging him off to the nearest alley. Darcy looked after her like a
lost puppy, but she ignored it, instead looking at Yuu-pyon, who ripped his
hand from her grasp.
“What the fuck?” He asked.
“You can’t say it, can you?” Amanda asked quietly, stopping Yuu-pyon short. The
man looked around and sighed again in aggravation.
He stared down at the shadowed cobblestones and scoffed. “It’s not that I don’t
want to,” he finally said, sounding like he was trying desperately to convince
her.
“I know,” Amanda said simply. It was very apparent, if one looked for it. But
she was concerned that Lavi wouldn’t. He was too attached to the situation to
be able to see it. In a way, the Bookmen had the right idea—if one looked on
the world with complete objectivity, he or she could see everything as it was.
Grow attachments, though, and the person could become blind.
“I really want to,” Yuu-pyon insisted.
“I know. It’s really obvious… it’s just that, well, Lavi’s oblivious,” Amanda
said shrugging.
“But I do, you know,” he said. He sounded… relieved, almost, as if he had
finally been able to say it out loud. It didn’t surprise Amanda in the least.
“I know,” Amanda repeated. Then, struck by inspiration, she added, “you think
you’re going to die, don’t you?”
Yuu-pyon nodded mutely, his scowl long gone.
“Perhaps that’s what’s keeping you,” she said, feeling that she sounded rather
astute.
Yuu-pyon’s scowl was back in place. “Maybe,” he admitted in a gruff voice.
“You’re gonna have to say it soon,” Amanda commented after a long,
uncomfortable silence.
“I know, but right now… I can’t.” He sounded depressed and completely hopeless.
Taking her chances, Amanda put a hand on his arm, trying to be comforting. She
wasn’t sure if she succeeded, though, as Yuu-pyon staggered back a little, an
abrupt look of panic flashing in his eyes.
“You’re gonna haveta soon, though. Maybe not now—definitely not now—but soon.
Lavi’s understanding, but he’s also oblivious, especially when it comes to you.
Just… don’t keep ‘im waitin’ too long, ‘kay?”
Yuu-pyon nodded, and Amanda led the way back to the warm, sunny courtyard. She
lay her head back in Mr. Darcy’s lap, where he proceeded to run his hands
through her hair again. Yuu-pyon lay down next to Lavi, and before she fell
asleep, Amanda noticed him almost shyly grabbing Lavi’s hand.
***** One Step Closer *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Chapter_25—One_Step_Closer
December 1, 2013—Allen’s Ark
It had been all he could do to keep Lavi from noticing the wilting Lotus
Flower. Never before had he lost so much from just one tiny injury. He thanked
the invisible deity known to most as “God” that Lavi had been too preoccupied
with his own problems the previous night to see it. But Yuu had. The second
they’d walked into his room. He had known from the beginning, perhaps from the
time that Mugen first appeared to him, that he was going to die in this war. He
hadn’t known that he wouldn’t want to.
Another petal, the second half of the fifth, lay wilted on the bottom of the
hourglass, reminding Yuu just how little life he had left. He had three and a
half petals left now. Only three and a half. Icy dread froze his system with
more intensity than anything ever had. From such a small injury, he’d lost a
full petal’s value. He didn’t want to die, didn’t want to leave Lavi. Because
somehow that idiot rabbit had become the most important person to him, the
reason for his existence, and he had absolutely no illusions about his position
in Lavi’s heart. It was obvious from the way the rabbit looked at him, gently
patted his arm whenever he got twitchy, shuffled just slightly away whenever he
thought of bad things, took care of him when he was screaming from the
nightmares that still plagued his dreams.
If he died, Lavi would, too, and corny as it sounded, the mere thought of Lavi
six feet under made him want to go mope in a corner and grow mushrooms. His
lips twitched as he resisted the urge to chuckle. He’d heard that phrase from
the Infernal Girl and had somehow grown quite fond of it.
He took out a box he’d gotten from the Director himself and stuffed the
hourglass unceremoniously into it. He closed it off with a feeling of triumph
as he gazed around the room to see if he missed anything. His bed was stripped,
the lamp on his desk (taken from Lavi’s room) was packed, and his Lotus was put
away. All his earthly possessions (he included Lavi’s lamp in this list) were
in his hands, and Lavi had just moved his clothes. Sighing, he looked
nostalgically around the room before slamming the door behind him. Something
orange caught his eye. Looking over, he saw Lavi walking into his own room.
Curious, Yuu set the boxes on the ground and followed the redhead in.
“You are not taking that,” he said firmly as he watched Lavi roll up his
ridiculous burnt-orange shag rug.
“Yes, I am,” Lavi said, flashing him a toothy smile. “Oh, shit, I brought a box
for the lamp in your room, but you said you were packing that, didn’t you?” He
added, changing the subject.
“Che,” Yuu said, scoffing. “Baka Usagi.”
“You’re mean, Yuu-chan,” Lavi pouted, grabbing the as yet unfolded box and
walking out of the room, presumably to return it.
Turning to the rug, Yuu quickly finished rolling it, opened the window, and
dumped it out of the room without ceremony. Dusting his hands off with a
satisfied smile, he returned to carrying his boxes to the room they sometimes
used in the Ark. They had decided to stop going back and forth between their
two rooms and the one on the Ark. It was an unnecessary hassle, and it created
confusion when others were looking for them. Which was disturbingly often.
Throwing his bed sheets in the laundry hamper that Lavi insisted they use, he
proceeded to unpack the lamp and place it on what would be their shared desk.
Yuu would never use it anyway.
“Yuuuu!” Lavi called, stepping in and looking distressed. “Did you bring the
rug with you?”
“No,” Yuu said, “I threw it out your window.”
Lavi looked horrified. “Don’t joke like that, Yuu.”
Yuu sighed. “I threw it out, Baka Usagi, it was hideous, and it had
bloodstains.”
Lavi’s lower lip shook a little bit as if he was about to cry. Yuu dismissed
it—the other man was obviously faking it. His face was slightly amusing,
though.
“But… but… but… I love that rug!”
“And I hate it. It’s too late anyway. If you want it, go to the base of the
mountain and see if it’s there. I refuse to let it in this room, though.”
“You’re mean, Yuu.”
“Yes, I know. Your point?”
Lavi pouted and left the room. He didn’t return for several hours, and when he
did—looking utterly defeated—Yuu had already unpacked his lotus flower and
stuck it at the back of his dresser drawer. He’d long ago forbidden Lavi from
going through his laundry, so he assumed it would be the best place to hide it.
“Ne,Yuu, where’s your lotus flower?” Lavi asked, still sounding miserable.
“I put it away. It’s depressing when you’ve only got four petals left.”
“What?” Lavi asked, shocked. Yuu knew he couldn’t deny to Lavi that he’d lost
some of his life force, but the redhead didn’t need to know the exact quantity
either. He wouldn’t normally have lied to Lavi—he found the idea despicable—but
he just couldn’t live knowing that the other man was worried about him dying.
It would change their relationship completely, make it more desperate than it
already was, and Yuu absolutely did not want that.
“Head injury lost me the second half of the petal. I’ll be fine, though. I
won’t activate Mugen any higher than its fourth illusion,” Yuu said, his voice
coming out slightly gruff. He was careful to look Lavi straight in the eye.
Lavi was an expert at picking out lies, but Yuu knew he could do this
convincingly. Lavi was under the assumption he would never lie, and while that
was true in most cases, it most definitely wasn’t in this one.
Lavi nodded contemplatively. “Yuu, don’t ever go higher than that. If you use
up your life force, then I’ll—”
Yuu didn’t want to hear this. “I know,” he said, probably a lot rougher and
louder than he’d meant.
“I just… I love you—I don’t want you to die,” Lavi said in a pitiful voice,
hanging his head slightly. Yuu sighed and walked over to the redheaded man,
calmly placing a hand on the back of his head and pulling it down onto his
shoulder.
“I’m not going to die, rabbit. I’d tell you if I thought I was.” That was a
lie, naturally, because he wasn’t telling Lavi now.
---
Lenalee walked into the room with a slight feeling of trepidation. She knew
that both Kanda-kun and Lavi had moved into the Ark completely, but she was
afraid she’d find them… putting things in places. They weren’t though, and she
sighed in relief. Not that she was disgusted by the idea, it would have just
been awkward.
She found them in a little whispered argument about reading something and Lavi
not wanting to.
“Er, Kanda-kun, Lavi, what are you talking about?”
“Lavi refuses to read,” Kanda-kun said as if that explained everything. If
Lenalee were privy to more information, perhaps it would.
“I don’t… want to read it,” Lavi insisted quietly.
“Well, why don’t you guys come eat lunch with me and Allen, then? You can read
later, okay?” Lenalee suggested.
“No, I’m still mad at Yuu. I don’t want to eat with a bastard like him,” Lavi
said, turning his face childishly away from Kanda-kun’s.
Kanda-kun scowled. “Bastard?”
“Yeah, you threw my rug out of the window!” Lavi yelled, raising his voice.
Kanda-kun looked stricken.
“Now, guys, this really isn’t the time to…” Lenalee said, bringing her hands up
placatingly.
“Of course I threw it out the window, it was ugly—and bloodstained!” Kanda-kun
yelled back.
“You know how much I love it, though!” Lavi screamed, upping his volume again.
“It was a hideous orange, worse than your hair!” Kanda-kun screamed, matching
Lavi’s dynamic.
“You hate my hair?”
“Yes!”
“Well, I hate black!” Lavi shouted unconvincingly.
“No, you don’t!”
Lavi made a disgruntled noise. “You bastard!” He yelled, slapping Kanda-kun.
Lenalee gasped. Why were they fighting over something so stupid?
“Oh, it’s on, rabbit,” Kanda-kun growled, leaping onto Lavi in a predatory
manner, pushing him off the bed and onto the hard ground. Lavi grunted in pain
as Kanda-kun tried to wrestle him into submission.
“Guys!” Lenalee shouted, activating her Innocence in case things went much
farther. Lavi pulled himself free and ran for the door, Kanda-kun streaking
after him, activating his own Innocence and drawing the blade close enough to
her face to make her squeak.
She heard a scream from outside and then the invocation of Lavi’s fire seal.
Running outside into the Exorcists’ alleyway, she noticed she’d already lost
sight of the two warring men. Gazing at the plaza, she saw a bright fire erupt
and then disappear. She ran quickly over to find the soldiers and other
Exorcists staring in awe as the two threw attacks back and forth with deadly
accuracy that the other barely managed to dodge.
“Kanda-kun! Lavi!” She hollered, cupping her hands around her mouth for more
volume. “Stop!”
A hand came up on her shoulder, startling her. She whipped her head around too
quickly to avoid a small amount of whiplash in time to see Amanda there,
looking solemn and shaking her head.
“They’re not fighting,” she said, her face breaking into a smile. “They’re just
playin’ with each other. Let ‘em, it’s been a while since their last mock-
fight.”
Lenalee was confused. “But they’ve never drawn weapons at each other before!”
She insisted.
“That may be,” Amanda said, “but they’re not serious. Look, Lavi’s smiling.”
“Lavi always smiles, especially when he doesn’t mean it,” Lenalee said. She’d
learned that during the three months that Lavi didn’t remember. So many times
she had seen his empty smile and nearly burst into tears.
“But look—Yuu-pyon is smilin’, too,” Amanda chirped. Somehow, she was right.
“Kanda-kun rarely smiles, not like that,” Lenalee said, now in complete awe. In
those three months, she’d thought he’d lost his smile—even the bitter
ones—completely. She was glad to see it back again. It seemed to be much more
common now, though, and she had hopes that perhaps Kanda-kun was finally
starting to heal.
She watched as the two collapsed to the ground, laughing. That had been a shock
at first, seeing Kanda-kun laugh without any restraints. She’d never seen it
before a few weeks ago, and it had become so natural and ordinary now that
Lenalee couldn’t help but feel that things were looking up for her favorite
Japanese man. Not that she knew any others.
They proceeded to stare at each other for a concerning amount of time. And then
Lavi said, “Yuu, your smile is sexy.”
“Thank… you?” Kanda-kun replied uncertainly.
“No. Yuu, your smile is really sexy. Really, really sexy,” Lavi reiterated.
Kanda-kun’s eyes widened for some reason, and he smiled.
“Ah. Well, I feel like taking a nap. Would you… ah fuck it. Che.Come on, Lavi.”
Lavi nodded, grabbing Kanda-kun’s hand—which the latter tried to rip away—as he
followed him back to their room. Amanda giggled beside Lenalee.
“What?” She asked, though she had a pretty good idea where the two were headed.
“Oh, nothing. Nothing at all,” Amanda said mysteriously. “Shall we get lunch?”
She asked. Lenalee nodded and followed the American girl to the cafeteria.
---
Yuu glared at the stupid rabbit who was looking guiltily over at his x-rays.
“Er, there seems to be a transverse fracture here, Mr. Kanda,” the doctor said,
examining the x-rays with a contemplative expression on his face. He pushed his
glasses up the bridge of his nose. “You also have signs of old spiral fractures
in this arm. Mr. Lavi, may I ask you to step outside for a moment?”
Lavi glanced over curiously at Yuu, who nodded. If the doctor had something
stupid to ask, he’d ask it in private. Lavi stepped uneasily out of the room.
Yuu knew the other man could still hear, having the ears of a Bookman.
“Mr. Kanda, you and Mr. Lavi are together, am I correct?”
Yuu didn’t like where this was going. Blankly, he nodded.
“How long have the two of you been together?” The doctor asked, his tone
suspicious.
How long had it been? Could he count the summer? But that didn’t make sense, as
they hadn’t really, truly been together since that night when Yuu had gotten
back from—but he wasn’t going to tell the doctor anyway, so why did it matter?
“That isn’t your business,” he growled, glaring at the man, who flinched back,
gulping.
“I’m just wondering, as you said you were a fast healer. If you and Mr. Lavi
have been together for more than a month or two, then these injuries would
probably—”
“What idiotic suggestion are you trying to make?” Yuu asked nastily, his hand
twitching to his left hip, where Mugen sat, deactivated and waiting Yuu’s
instructions.
“Mr. Kanda, is Mr. Lavi abusing you?” The doctor asked. Yuu couldn’t help it,
he laughed.
“You’re an idiot!” He yelled, sobering. “I’m an Exorcist, these sort of
injuries—”
“—Do not come from the battlefield. Mr. Kanda, these are spiral fractures. They
come from your arm being twisted—”
“You think Akuma are incapable of grabbing arms and twisting them in a way that
would cause a fracture?” Yuu asked rhetorically, getting up off the bed. The
pressure cast was annoying, as was the sling, but it was better than the
plaster alternative.
“I’m just saying that you shouldn’t use your occupation as a way to hide
physical abuse,” the doctor replied stubbornly.
Yuu seethed. He was not going to admit anything about his father to this stupid
health professional. “You’re prying into things that aren’t there. Lavi and I
may hit each other, but that’s only while we’re training.” Yuu looked away, a
blush forming on his face. They also hit each other to get an edge over the
other while…
He cut that thought off, just in case the doctor was telepathic. Said doctor
sighed dejectedly. Abruptly, the stupid rabbit that he hated burst into the
room.
“Yuu, you gave me a black eye!” He complained loudly, pointing at his bad eye.
“You broke my arm,” he responded, voice hard and cold as iron.
“How was I supposed to know it would bend that way!? And besides, it wasn’t
me!”
“You don’t know that, rabbit!” Yuu shouted.
“What if it had been my other eye, huh? I’d be fucking blind!”
“Good riddance!”
Lavi sniffed heartily, and Yuu pulled him from the room, ignoring the doctor’s
protests. It wasn’t worth staying now that he was bandaged properly. And he was
hungry, dammit. His stomach growled, making him curse under his breath. He
hated admitting any weakness, especially hunger. That was probably why he hated
yawning—he didn’t like his enemies knowing he was even the least bit tired.
They headed over to the Order’s cafeteria. The Infernal Girl asked prying
questions, mocking him with the amusement in her eyes.
“Hey, Yuu-pyon, are you in an abusive relationship?” Amanda asked. “’Cause if
you are, you gotta get out of it. I know from experience—they’re bad for ya.”
Yuu punched her, even though he didn’t like to hit girls. To be fair, he had
hit her arm, not her face or stomach (or chest—Yuu shuddered at the notion,
remembering that horrible day at the beach). He stomped out of the cafeteria,
ignoring the idea of food. Lavi followed fifteen minutes later with a tray of
food for him.
Sitting in their new room on the Ark, he watched Lavi read, feeling somewhat at
peace despite the healing pains that shot through his arm every once in a
while.
“Ne, Yuu, listen to this: ‘It may be the biggest mistake I ever made, picking
Liam as an apprentice. Bookmen are supposed to be objective, but something
about that incorrigible kid has made me lose it. I can’t imagine a life when he
is not my pupil, when he is not asking stupid questions or assuming something
wrong that I must fix. It has been a joy, somehow, to be his Master, and it is
very hard to leave him behind in preference of a new apprentice. It feels like
I’m betraying him somehow. I don’t like the feeling. I have grown attached to
Liam, and it is very hard now to leave him behind. I hope, when he wakes up,
he’ll be able to be happy. I hope he won’t choose to continue on this path—he
doesn’t deserve the eternal numbness, the never-ending objectivity. I have come
to believe he deserves happiness. Perhaps this is what attachment does to
people. But I do not regret being attached to Liam. They were the best years of
my unfeeling life. I’ll never forget him. I wish him the best. So now I must
close this scroll of my life and move on, forgetting all attachments and trying
not to dwell on the strange hurt in my chest. Horace, my new apprentice, is the
one I must train now. I know, though, that I will never be attached to him,
because in a way, my heart belongs to Liam. Liam is the only person I have ever
felt a bond of kinship with. I wish him well as I move on. I hope he will move
on, too.’
“That’s the most redundant I’ve ever seen Bookman be. You were right, Yuu-chan,
he did care,” Lavi said. Yuu looked over in time to see the first of the tears
fall, and he reluctantly held the other man as he cried for his master a second
time. Thankfully, this time, there wasn’t a hideous orange carpet for him to
bleed on.
Removing his pressure bandage a few hours later, Yuu tested its range of
motion. Despite a few twinges, it seemed fine.
“Oh, it’s alright now?” Lavi asked. “Does that mean we can continue from
before?”
Yuu scoffed. “You broke my arm, and you want to try to do it again?” He asked
incredulously.
“Yuu, all I did was push ya down on the bed. The rest you did all by yourself.
And you’re smilin’ again, despite all the anger. And you’re smile’s still damn
sexy,” Lavi insisted.
Yuu lifted the other man up bodily, favoring his left arm just slightly. “You
are going down now, rabbit,” he growled, smiling predatorily. Lavi gulped,
panic coming into his eye as Yuu pushed him down on the other side of the bed,
hard. Harder than he’d pushed Yuu down. Lavi bounced off the mattress, over the
footboard, and onto the floor. Rubbing his head, he remounted the bed,
grumbling something about how it wouldn’t have hurt so much if he had had his
damn rug. Yuu didn’t care, though. He reached out and tugged at Lavi’s ear,
causing the other man to gasp wildly. He was surprised, though, when Lavi
pushed him away.
“Yuu, be gentle with me, ne?” He asked with acute panic in his voice, as if he
was afraid Yuu was going to break every bone in his body. Which he was.
“No,” he responded. He leaned over and brought their lips into sweet, gentle
contact, though, stroking the back of Lavi’s head lightly. He let his hand
slide down and peel the zipper of Lavi’s jacket away as he tenderly licked
Lavi’s lower lip.
Lavi gasped, opening his mouth enough to allow Yuu entrance. Slowly—sensuously,
as Lavi would put it—he reached a hand under the man’s shirt, sliding it up
until he reached the soft skin of Lavi’s chest, running his fingers across it
lightly. Surprisingly, the redhead made a mewling noise in the back of his
throat, and Yuu responded by sliding the man’s jacket off completely, throwing
it across the room and not caring where it landed.
He felt Lavi’s hands tugging at his own shirt and pulling it over his head. Yuu
did the same, bringing the man’s body even closer. His hair swirled over the
contours of Lavi’s bare skin, tracing the lines his hands were making. Yuu
lightly, this time, pushed Lavi down onto the mattress, straddling him as the
man went down. Lavi made a surprised noise, which Yuu cut off by kissing him
tenderly. Just like anytime they did anything physical, he wanted to show Lavi
the extent of his love, as he was still unable to say it. This time though, he
wanted to express it further. He had jokingly asked for it to be gentle, and
Yuu was going to oblige.
There was none of the usual struggle for dominance, none of the pain that
preceded the pleasure; all there was were Yuu’s raw feelings for Lavi.
Lavi moaned again as Yuu licked his earring and simultaneously let his hand
drift down to the redhead’s waist, slowly undoing the buttons to his pants. His
hand delved beneath the thick layers of fabric, and slowly, ever so slowly, Yuu
encircled Lavi’s length. As he moved his hand along it almost leisurely, he saw
the redhead reach down and begin to pull off his pants, avoiding Yuu’s stroking
hand. He got the idea and assisted, pulling the other man's pants down his legs
at a pace so slow that Lavi whimpered.
“Yuu, that’s—” he began, but Yuu didn’t want to talk, only feel, so he covered
Lavi’s mouth with his own again. He ran his tongue lightly over the roof of the
other man’s mouth, eliciting a small almost-giggle. The entire time, his right
hand did not lose its unhurried rhythm. Flicking a now deft finger over the
tip, he heard Lavi gasp and roll his hips forward. A sweeping sensation flew
through his body, making him tingle. Without meaning to, the dark-haired man
added just a bit more pressure, allowing Lavi another groan.
This was becoming almost too much for him. Lavi’s hands were already working on
his pants; shakily undoing buttons as he writhed under Yuu’s gentle touch.
Pants and boxers disappeared in a pile on the floor, and Yuu pressed himself
down on the redhead, feeling fire as naked flesh met naked flesh.
Lavi’s hands came around his waist, near the curve of his ass. Sweat slicked
between them as they began to move against each other, just as slow as Yuu’s
touches had been. Despite Lavi’s obvious protests, he refused to pick up the
pace. One of Lavi’s hands left his back, reaching over to the bedside table.
Yuu felt something hit his shoulder as a hand softly came to rest there. He
reached up, removing a hand from its fisted position in Lavi’s hair, and took
what the other man had offered him.
It was the tube of lube, naturally. It was nearly empty, but there was enough.
Pouring a generous amount on his finger, he reached down, bypassing Lavi’s
straining erection and probing deeper. Massaging around the tightly constricted
muscle until it was loose enough to allow entrance, Yuu gently pushed a finger
inside, swirling it around until he could slide a second one in. Lavi shivered
and moaned again as Yuu pressed his fingers in farther, hitting the second coil
of muscle. Smiling down at Lavi’s sweaty and ecstasy-ridden face in a manner
that he thought expressed his emotions very well; Yuu leaned over, suddenly
needing to make more contact with the man beneath him. He kissed the other's
forehead, his eyes—even the ruined one—before sweetly pressing his salty lips
to the redhead’s. Lavi pulled him closer, his breath hitching so much he had to
pull back for air a few seconds later.
Finally, the second muscle relaxed, and Lavi screamed out in a language Yuu
couldn’t understand as his fingers prodded deeper. It was probably a curse
word, though. If anything, the Japanese man had found their intimate moments
very educational, as far as speech went. He thought that he could swear in at
least twenty languages now.
It was getting hard for him to think. Every nerve in his body screamed out for
release, but he didn’t listen to his body—he never had. With an extreme force
of will, he removed his hand and brought it back to Lavi’s length, stroking it
lightly, teasingly. The redhead gasped out and reached up to run his hands
through Yuu’s hair. It felt good, too good, just like when Lavi massaged his
scalp.
“Rabbit,” he hissed, extricating himself so he could move his head down.
Spreading the younger man's legs, Yuu leaned in, kissing the inside of Lavi’s
left thigh. It was uncharacteristic for him to do so, but since he was being so
out of character already, he figured Lavi would forgive him. Of course, from
Lavi’s hitched breathing, he imagined the other man didn’t care in the least.
Lining himself up, he pushed in with a speed that again made Lavi roll his hips
in desperation for more contact. Yuu grinned down, another uncharacteristic
grin, and kissed Lavi deeply, leisurely, pushing himself in even deeper.
“Lavi,” he whispered before he could stop himself. He closed his eyes, just
simply feeling for a moment, before the redhead’s lips found his. They were
urgent, but Yuu slowed them down. He had asked for gentle, and he would get it.
Forcing himself not to go faster, Yuu kept up his painfully slow rhythm,
getting perverse pleasure from Lavi’s every moan, shiver, and gasp. He didn’t
know how long it lasted, but every moment gave birth to a thick, hot tendril of
something deep in his gut. It built, sluggish and deliberate, until Yuu himself
was gasping, running sweaty hands down Lavi’s equally sweaty chest, touching
collarbone and breastbone and ribs, rubbing lazy, torpid circles on the slick
skin.
Lavi himself was not idle, massaging shoulders and back in a way only he could
do, tweaking nipples, and lightly nibbling on the flesh at the junction of his
shoulder and neck. Each almost apathetic thrust that Yuu made was met with an
almost desperate clashing of hips. Every time Yuu touched him in just the right
way—like right there, just beneath his collarbone—Lavi would moan and gasp out
different things—Sanskrit was a common utterance, Yuu had discovered, as was
Latin—and run his hands through Yuu’s long hair, tangling it irreversibly. It
would be a mess in the morning, but then, they both would, and the trade off
was enough to keep him from being annoyed.
He kissed Lavi lightly, a surface kiss, and then moved to his lover’s ear,
feeling it was time to finish up. He had tortured the man enough. He sucked
just as gently as he moved, sliding a hand up to join his mouth. Lavi moaned
and gasped and writhed and yelled in the many different languages he knew until
every muscle in his body froze and clenched, making him so very, very tight.
Yuu screamed for the very first time as the lava in his stomach erupted from
him, the world slimming as it always did at the height of his pleasure.
Yuu slumped down, unable to hold himself up at all, and pulled out. Lavi lay
beneath him, panting heavily and grinning like the Cheshire Cat himself.
“What?” He asked, his voice coming out far too breathy for his liking.
“You screamed,... felt good,... I did…” Lavi gasped out between heavy breaths.
He wrapped his arms around Yuu, pressing their worn bodies ever closer, and for
once, Yuu didn’t care that they were snuggling. It was okay to call it that,
but only just this once.
---
“Lavi,” Yuu muttered, holding the other man closer.
“Hmmm?” Lavi responded, eyes still closed and obviously still mostly asleep.
“Get up,” he ordered. He wouldn’t say it, but he had to pee.
“Can’t,” Lavi mumbled.
“Why not?” Yuu asked testily, trying not to shudder against the burning urge in
his bladder.
“I melted, I’m a puddle.”
“You’re a puddle?” Yuu asked slowly, uncomprehending.
“Yes, I’m a puddle of Lavi goo,” the redhead responded.
“Well, you need to get up. I am… in need of… fuck, I need to pee, Lavi, let me
go.” There, he’d said it. Face burning, he didn’t look at the other man as he
obliged, and he kept his gaze far away as he slowly dressed in the clothes that
were still strewn over the floor. He picked a pair of Lavi’s pants by accident,
but he didn’t care, not even bothering to grab a shirt in his hurry to find the
Ark’s nearest facilities.
Everyone stared as he ran, holding Lavi’s pants up, but he was too intent on
his target to do more than scowl as he passed. Which was good. Perhaps he was
too blurry for them to see all the scars. He’d lost another petal, so he
assumed he now had more. Which was bad. No one needed to see those, Lavi
especially. He didn’t mind Lavi touching them, viewing them, when they were
being… physical… but at any other time, it was like Lavi was trying to examine
him, like the man was always counting them.
He returned a few minutes later, feeling incredibly relieved. Grabbing his
shirt from the floor, he proceeded to pull it on when he felt warm hands on his
sides.
“Yuu, where did these scars come from?” Looking down, Yuu saw a rather large,
ragged scar stretching from the middle of his left side to his shoulder and a
larger one paralleling the first on his right. Both scars stretched through to
his back.
“The one on the left is from Martel, when Moyashi was still an incompetent
child, and the one on the right is from Italy. I probably have two on my right
shoulder from Martel as well. You shouldn’t be so surprised, Lavi, I am an
Exorcist. If I’m getting my scars back, then there are going to be a lot. This
goes more for me, as I have always fought without thought of injury,” Yuu
explained as he pulled his shirt on completely.
He leaned back against the headboard, letting his arms fall to his sides. He
was tired, so he closed his eyes and reached for Lavi’s hand. Suddenly, there
was a pressure on his forearm and it was abruptly turned so the underside was
facing the ceiling. He opened his eyes in confusion to see Lavi looking
horrified… and angry.
“What the fuck are these?” Lavi demanded. With a feeling of dread, Yuu looked
down.
“Ah, those would be from the times I tried to commit suicide with Mugen,” Yuu
replied, shrugging nonchalantly, and trying to remove his arm from Lavi’s
unforgiving grip.
“Yuu there are almost twenty scars on this arm!”
“I told you I did it once, right after I met Tiedoll, I just didn’t mention the
other times. They weren’t important.”
“Not important? How the fuck is this not important? How many other scars are
you hiding from me?” Yuu sighed and reluctantly lifted up one of the pant legs.
He wasn’t surprised to see the long jagged scars there as well. Lavi blanched
and spluttered for a moment.
“W-why? Why would you do that to yourself?” Lavi asked, grabbing Yuu’s arms and
turning him so that he had no choice but to look at his lo—Lavi.
“Because it made me feel like I was alive, like the pain was what was keeping
me connected to the world, isn’t that what you did with your hands?” That
comment stopped Lavi short as he contemplated.
“When was the last time you did it?” Lavi asked.
“When I was sixteen,” Yuu replied quietly. “Oh, and once when I was twenty,” he
added after a moment of thought.
“Yuu, why did you always run parallel to your arm—?”
“You know why,” Yuu whispered, looking away. “I told you before, I wanted to
die. You shouldn’t be so surprised by this.” He ripped his arm from Lavi’s
oppressive grip and went to his top drawer to grab his Exorcist jacket. He
didn’t care that it would be brutally hot in the Ark with it on. He just needed
to not be around Lavi.
“Then why, when you were sixteen, did you—?”
Yuu turned from his position at the door. “You know why,” he hissed, slamming
the door behind him on his way out, leaving a very confused, oblivious Lavi.
---
December 2, 2013—The Dark Order, Director’s Office
Carter sighed. Sometimes, being the most Liberal Head of the most Conservative
organization on the planet made his brain hurt, but now it was making his heart
hurt. As he looked down at the file, he knew he had to do something about the
situation, but he couldn’t stop the inspection from happening. He also knew he
couldn’t separate the two Exorcists, even for the amount of time it took for
the inspection to be complete. Another bed, it seemed, was in order. They could
be roommates for a day, could they not?
Heaving it down the corridor to the Ark, he enlisted the help of several of his
subordinates. He knocked grimly on Lavi’s door (on which a rabbit and a cat
were hastily scribbled. Carter noted that the cat seemed to be crossed out with
several choice Japanese characters next to it). He was unprepared for the sight
that greeted him. Brain frozen with shock, Carter barely managed to think that
he didn’t really need to know what color boxers Lavi had around his ankles.
Thankfully, the redheaded Exorcist was wearing a small towel, but Carter didn’t
think that image would ever leave his mind. It was burned there, branded like
cattle in a third world country.
“Lavi, I need to speak with you,” Carter said seriously.
“Er, can it wait until after my shower? I really have to pee and—yeah,” Lavi
finished lamely. From the state of the room—clothes strewn about, sheets thrown
unceremoniously over the nightstand, several suspicious-looking stains—he would
have to have Lavi clean up, if the man was capable of such tidiness.
“It really can’t.” Perhaps it was his tone, but Lavi sobered immediately and
stepped back, allowing the Director and his crew into the room. The bed came,
too.
“Why do you have a bed?” Lavi asked, scratching his head as he pulled his—God,
seriously?—bunny-patterned boxers up.
“We’re going to be having a few visitors today,” Carter said, shooing his
subordinates from the room. They closed the door behind them, and Carter sighed
heavily, handing Lavi a copy of the e-mail he’d received this morning.
He watched as Lavi’s eye moved impossibly fast over the note, finishing it in a
quarter of the time it would have taken him, his face growing darker with each
line. “Cardinals?” Lavi finally asked, looking up. Carter wasn’t sure, but he
thought he saw a flash of fear in the young man’s eye before it was whisked
away and placed back under his unreadable mask. “Why does this concern me?”
“There are some things you need to know about Vatican policies,” Carter said,
looking anywhere but at the young redhead in front of him. The poor kid.
Lavi raised an eyebrow. “I dunno, D’rector, I know a lot about Vatican
policies. I was there in the Leverrier reign, after all.”
“You think the Leverriers are gone?” Carter asked sharply, laughing bitterly
without meaning to. “I guarantee at least one of the Cardinals is related to
them somehow. Hell, even the fucking Pope!”
Lavi flinched. “I still don’t see why this concerns me,” he repeated.
“In the past few decades, the Church has become almost radically anti-
homosexual,” Carter explained, this time meeting Lavi’s solitary green eye.
“It’s a reaction to the increase in secular support for it. I think they clung
to their radical opinions as a way to show they still had power over something.
But their motive doesn’t matter in this situation. It was kept from the public
completely. Lavi, if they find out about you and Kanda, Exorcists or not, they
will kill you.”
“They may not enjoy the thought of our relationship,” Lavi insisted, “but we
are two of the four most powerful Exorcists. If they kill us, the tide of the
war will change completely.”
“It’s happened before,” Carter appealed quietly. “They were just members of the
Science Department. They were in charge of the first generation Anti-Akuma
guns—these two ladies actually created the weapon by themselves, though the
records state it was the entire team. Saying that these two ladies—who were
left off the team roster—created them is just about the only un-biased thing
I’ve seen in any of Smith’s reports. Lavi, they were killed.”
He handed Lavi the report, which he had thankfully taken with him. Lavi flipped
it back on the bed. “I can read it later. I just need to know right now—how did
they die?” His voice was urgent, and Carter couldn’t for the life of him
understand what had caused the change, what was motivating him now to act like
this.
He didn’t want to say it. He really didn’t. “In the basement of the Order,
there’s a floor that contains a large bomb shelter. It sometimes doubled as a
prison. They…” Carter cleared his throat. “They shackled the women to either
side of a cell and let them watch each other starve to death.”
Lavi blinked, unphased. He shrugged, but his tone when he next spoke belied all
his panic. “Where is Yuu?”
Carter shook his head. “I thought he was with you.”
Lavi, too, shook his head. He brought his green eye to meet with Carter’s, and
the Director was blown away by how much raw fear was held in it. He had never
before seen the young man so worried. “He left two hours ago. I bet he’s
trainin’. Ne, Director, you owe me a really long, warm shower.” Lavi hastily
pulled on a pair of pants as he spoke. He ran from the room, feet bare and only
in pants, presumably to find the man he very obviously loved.
Carter watched his back disappear and then returned to his office. There was
nothing more he could do, as much as he hated it.
---
Somewhere that the Cardinals wouldn’t find them. They’d inspect rooms, of
course, so theirs was out, even with the addition of another bed. As for the
state of his bed—it wouldn’t be uncommon for an Exorcist, or any young man,
really, to pleasure himself. The stains were easily explainable. The Church
might frown on masturbation, but in the scheme of things, Lavi figured they’d
let it go. Everyone did it. It was the biggest secret humanity held. And
honestly, with all the Priests getting off on young boys these days, he felt
the Vatican was being just a mite hypocritical.
He found Yuu training, naturally. The man had worked up a sexy sweat that was
completely covered by his Exorcist jacket, and his hair had long since fallen
from its customary ponytail.
“Yuu!” He shouted. The long-haired man lost his footing and fell, Mugen
flitting back into inactivity so he wouldn’t fall on the blade.
The glare he got was probably the coldest he’d ever received, but he didn’t
care right now. “What the fuck, Rabi?” Yuu screamed, obviously too infuriated
to speak English.
“Yuu, I know you’re angry, but now’s not the time,” Lavi said, a note of panic
breaking his voice on the last word.
Yuu blinked and lost all apparent hostility. Getting up from the cold, stone
floor, he walked straight over to Lavi. Surprisingly, Yuu put a hand on his
shoulder. “What happened?” He asked quietly.
“We need to not be together for a few hours,” Lavi said, his voice pained.
“Apparently, the Church is still filled with Conservative freaks, and we’ll get
killed if we don’t. We also need a place to avoid being found. No one goes to
the library, so I think we should go there.”
Yuu nodded soberly as Lavi grabbed his hand and started pulling him from the
room. They reached the library very quickly, it being only a few hallways over
and three floors up. They walked over to Lavi’s usual corner in the very back
of the building, near the archives section.
“I’m going to read,” Lavi said, his voice shaking. He could stand death, but
Yuu—he shook his head. Best not to think about that. He grabbed the nearest
book, one he’d already read, unfortunately, and sat down on the couch he had
come to call his own. He was surprised to feel Yuu sit down next to him, a book
of Japanese literature in hand.
“So, what exactly is this all about?” Yuu asked after a while.
“The Order still kills people it doesn’t like. We’re people it doesn’t like.”
“Che, we’re Exorcists—”
“Doesn’t matter,” Lavi dismissed.
They read for hours, and Lavi began to feel drowsy. Normally, he could work
through it—it was a skill Bookman had praised him for—but he didn’t want to
fight the oblivion he was being offered. When he was asleep, he didn’t have to
worry about them dying, about Yuu being killed simply for being his lover,
about stupid, fat-ass good-for-nothings who thought they were superior just
because they’d never been on a battlefield. When he was asleep, he didn’t have
to worry about war.
He felt his heavy head hit Yuu’s shoulder—that was still innocent enough,
right?—and as he finally drifted off, he felt something warm and strong
encircle his hand. Whatever it was, it felt very, very good, and he hoped it
just stayed there. It reminded him of cinnamon and lotuses, and whenever those
scents were around him, everything was right in the world.
---
The photographer liked his new job. It was very high-paying, had excellent
benefits, and it gave him an exclusive look into the lives of all the Exorcists
of the Dark Order. He exited his new office, which was located at the back of
the library. He saw the redheaded Exorcist—his name started with an L or
something—and the effeminate Exorcist sit down on a couch in the corner. He
loved people watching, and the dynamic of their relationship was fun to get on
film. As the redhead’s head drooped and then fell onto the other Exorcist’s
shoulder—that one was Kanda, if he recalled correctly—the photographer decided
it was a good time to take another photo. He had a massive collection of this
couple, along with the budding one between General Walker and General Lee.
He could call it his passion, he supposed, taking pictures and videos of people
as their relationships grew. It was interesting to look at them later, make up
stories for how they got into the positions he’d photographed them in. He saw
the other one drift off, placing a hand in the redhead’s. It was a sweet
moment, one he couldn’t ruin with a flash. Ensuring it was off, he took out his
manual camera and snapped a picture. So innocent, so carefree… he loved it.
He couldn’t help but laugh as they shifted lightly in their long nap. First,
the black-haired man fell backward, his back hitting the couch. The redhead
fell shortly thereafter, landing on Kanda, who only grabbed the man, pulling
him closer. The photographer took out his video camera. It would be a good
exercise to document how this deteriorated further.
A movement in the corner of his eye alerted him to the presence of someone new
on the scene—or rather, a group of someones. It was a red-cloaked procession.
At first, they didn’t seem to notice the two napping Exorcists, but then one of
them pointed over.
“Is that a man or a woman?” One of the scarlet men asked.
“I… think… they’re both men,” another one of them commented.
“Heresy,” a third hissed. The photographer didn’t like where this was going.
Couldn’t these red people see how pure this relationship was?
“Inspector Euleine, kindly restrain them. You are a user of Crow, are you not?”
The first one who had spoken requested. The callous tone under the order told
the photographer all he needed to know about the situation. Something was going
to happen to his favorite couple—and more importantly, two Exorcists—and it was
his job to record it. Just like the Bookmen recorded history, the photographer
recorded this Order and its goings-on. He reached back for his pack of spare
batteries and lenses, checked to ensure they were for the proper device, and
inched farther away from his office, hiding behind a bookshelf.
“Yuu…?” The red-haired one asked groggily, searching for his lover’s hand and
not finding it. He and Kanda had been picked up from the couch and bound with
strange, card-like objects. There was a ring of them around the redhead’s right
thigh and surprisingly, two more, one around each of his hands. A larger, belt-
like ring pulled tightly at Kanda’s hips, binding his already activating
Innocence to his leg.
The procession of Cardinals—and that was definitely what they were—picked the
two Exorcists up and carried them off. Without a moment’s hesitation, the
photographer followed. He was led through a labyrinth of hallways and a
plethora of steps until somehow, inexplicably; he ended up behind a pillar,
watching as the Cardinals pushed the Exorcists to the floor of the Grand
Marshals’ level.
“What’s going on?” The Grand Marshal in the middle asked.
“These two have been tried for insubordination before—why were they not
investigated further?” One of the Cardinals called out in a deep voice.
“It wasn’t necessary,” the Grand Marshal answered. “If you looked at the
report, one was declared insane and was given a psych referral and the other
was… unaccountable for his actions as well.”
“Explain.”
“Unconscious at the time of the trial. It is particularly hard to investigate
someone when he is staring lethargically out into space, not responding to
anything asked of him. His particular cases of insubordination were acquitted
due to Smith’s incompetency,” the Grand Marshal said, almost as if he had
practiced the speech. The photographer hoped the puny microphone chip in his
recorder would be able to pick up this conversation. He could always rely on
the redhead later, if he was still alive, but he hoped for proper audio
nonetheless.
“I find it inexcusable that an investigation could be held and completely
overlook the blatant sodomy.”
“I—what?” The Grand Marshal sounded appalled, though his tone made it apparent
that it was geared toward the Cardinal, not toward the allegations being made.
“Sodomy is a sin; it is against the law of the Vatican, which makes it heresy.
Why were these two not punished accordingly?”
“With all due respect, you bastard, there was no sodomy around that time.
Unless you’re saying I’m into necrophilia, ‘cause that’s what Yuu was like at
th—”
There was a resounding smack that echoed with monstrous volume throughout the
hall. The photographer watched, horrified, as the redhead went down hard,
despite the arms that restrained him. Kanda called the redhead’s name—which the
photographer missed—and made to move forward, as if trying to catch the other
man, but was held back. He made a snarling noise but was otherwise unable to
move. A moment later, another card-like object was over his face, and he looked
like he was beginning to suffocate.
“Since you seem to be incapable of following protocol, we’ll take care of it
from here,” a Cardinal said, reaching down and slinging the redhead’s now
barely-conscious form—he had apparently hit his head on the ground when he’d
been slapped—over his shoulder. The Grand Marshals and Cardinals stood, simply
staring at each other with mutual dislike, until Kanda fell to the floor
himself, a distinct shade of blue that was apparent despite the dim lighting.
The object over his mouth was removed, and the man let out a gasping breath.
Later, the photographer would have to review his footage, see how long they’d
been asphyxiating him.
They walked over to the main elevator—copied from the original triangular prism
from the old Headquarters—and went down, toting the two Exorcists with them as
if they were rag dolls. The photographer nodded to the Grand Marshals as he
followed, taking a service elevator that moved far faster to Hevlaska’s
chamber.
“Hevlaska,” the Cardinal with the redhead called out. The ancient, bright white
Exorcist emerged from a coil that looked much like a sleeping position.
“Yes?” She asked in her deep alto voice.
“You are to confiscate the Innocence from these two men. They have disobeyed
the laws of the Vatican and as such must be removed from the Order. When you
have the Innocence, revert it to elemental form.”
“Its form does not matter, and as long as the Innocence is synched with them,
it is that rate that matters most,” Hevlaska said, not refusing their order but
not acquiescing to it, either.
“You are to do as we say, or must we remind you why?” One Cardinal in the
middle of the group asked. Hevlaska flinched, and the photographer heard a
hushed whisper of family murderer go around.
She reluctantly nodded and released tendrils down to the two Exorcists. “I
cannot take it from them when they are bound so,” she said, sounding mournful.
The bounds were released immediately, and Hevlaska reached out her tentacles to
retrieve the Innocence. With its removal, the redhead began to scream, deep and
loud and guttural. Blood spouted like twin fountains from his hands, and still
the man screamed on. The Cardinals stuffed something in his mouth to mute the
noise, but it could not be muffled.
“LAVI!” Kanda shouted, fighting desperately against the people holding him
still. He elbowed one in the stomach and got another with a kick to the groin.
A third one went down with a punch to the face. Kanda’s knuckles began to
bleed, but he ran quickly over to his fallen lover, holding the other man’s
bleeding hands gently in his own.
They were ripped apart a moment later and both screamed harder, protesting the
treatment.
From above, Hevlaska made a strange sound. “I cannot revert them up here,
together. They both take on such an evolved form that it may be impossible to
melt it down altogether.”
“You will do it!”
Hevlaska shrank into herself. “It will take time, and I cannot do it up here.
My stomach holds many slots for Innocence. I believe I may be able to do it
there.” The Innocence floated down through her translucent body and into the
depths of the Order. From the way Hevlaska had looked, the photographer
understood that last bit had been a lie. He wasn’t sure about the first comment
she had made, though, about being unable to revert them at all. He sincerely
hoped that was the case.
A Cardinal walked over to the service elevator, toward the photographer, and he
sprinted out, moving behind a pile of boxes placed conveniently right next to
it.
“Where are you taking them?” Hevlaska asked, screwing up her face in what the
photographer recognized as faux-concentration.
“Below,” was the only answer she was given. The photographer heard a distant
whimper that matched the voice of the redhead—Lavi, he reminded himself. He
would never forget that scream.
---
“Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, fort—”
A whack to the back of the head, but he didn’t stop keeping count. It was so
far, so, so far down, and they just kept descending, descending…
“forty-three,” he continued once he was able to clear his head enough to
continue mumbling, “forty-four, forty-five, fo—”
Another whack. “Shut up, fag!”
“I’m not a bassoon,” Lavi commented, though he knew that wasn’t what the
Cardinals had meant. He’d been around Amanda long enough to know all the slang
of the past several decades. He never thought that particular one would be used
against him, though, not with such menace behind it. “Forty-nine, fifty, fifty-
one, fifty-two—”
He was hit again, but it didn’t matter. He could barely feel it over the raw
throbbing in his hands. The Innocence had healed them, yes, but it had run deep
lines down to his bone, and when those were gone, well… apparently, it was like
when stitches popped. Violently. A minute or two after they were put in.
“Fifteen, sixteen,” he continued, despite the rough treatment he was getting.
He knew Yuu was barely hanging on, that he needed an anchor, and Lavi also
needed to make sure his seconds were accurate. They’d been going down for a
minute and twenty seconds now, a minute and twenty-three, a minute and twenty-
eight…
“Thirty-four, thirty—”
This time, it was Lavi who stopped himself. The door of the elevator slid open
with a dinging noise. There was no light. Lavi’s eyes had already become
accustomed to the one tiny lantern in the lift, but now there was nothing. It
was a void. A vast emptiness that reminded Lavi of his head.
There was a sliding, grating noise as a very thick, heavy-looking metal door
squeaked open, obviously lacking in oil. Ahead, he heard another door open. He
looked over to where he was sure he could hear Yuu’s somewhat unsteady
breathing.
“Yuu,” he called softly. He heard a grunt and breathed a sigh of relief.
“Moyashi will do something about this, the others, too,” he said, switching to
Japanese in the hopes that the Cardinals wouldn’t understand. From the confused
shuffling and delayed admonishments, they hadn’t. “Suki da,” he said hoarsely,
quietly. He heard Yuu grunt again, a lighter, almost hopeful grunt that was
worth all the pain that the fist in his back gave him.
“Su—su—ah.” There was a muffled thump, one that Lavi couldn’t identify.
“Yuu?” He asked in a quivering voice. There was a third grunt, and Lavi felt
somewhat relieved again. He got another strike to the back. Obviously, talking
was out.
Suddenly, he was moving, and he couldn’t hear Yuu’s breathing anymore; it was
going away… or was that him? He couldn’t tell. He heard more heavy squeaking.
Wind rushed passed him, and he assumed he was falling. The hard, freezing stone
that he hit a moment later confirmed his hypothesis. Hands moved around
him—something clanked around his ankles. Whatever they were, they were colder
than the air around him. And then he was alone.
---
“Thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, fort—”
Those words, just simple numbers ascending one at a time, kept Yuu
concentrating on something other than the oppressive feeling, than the cold
that had started to settle the moment the light had faded so long ago.
“Forty-three, forty-four, forty-five, fo—”
Every time Lavi stopped speaking, every time someone hit him to cut him off,
tore at Yuu. He didn’t like being bound, being without his Innocence. He hated
it. He’d never been without Mugen. Mugen was the thing that had kept him alive.
Mugen was the thing that was slowly being replaced with Lavi. But his chokuto’s
importance to him could never be erased, and he felt physically… empty without
it. He had a feeling it had to do with how it was crystal type, but right now
wasn’t the time to dwell on it. His sword was missing from his body, he
couldn’t activate it, and he was about to be killed. He must be, because it was
so cold, even with his Exorcist jacket.
“Shut up, fag!” Yuu didn’t know what that meant—he wasn’t up-to-date with
slang, nor did he want to be—but he didn’t like the tone, and he knew it was
aimed toward Lavi. His Lavi. He curled his hands into fists, unable to do
anything more than that.
“I’m not a bassoon,” Lavi murmured. Yuu blinked into the darkness, not that it
changed the vision that much. The little lantern was so dim it couldn’t really
be counted as illumination. “Forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two—”
They hit Lavi yet again. He remained quiet for far too long. Yuu shifted, but
he felt something reach down and restrain him, as if they had read his mind. He
needed to be by Lavi’s side—was he unconscious? He didn’t know, but he was…
goddammit he was fucking worried. He could admit that to himself, could he not?
Screw pride, fuck it. He was worried.
Deep in his mind, he felt one of the chains holding his emotions erode just a
little bit.
He took a deep, relieved breath when Lavi began to speak again. “Fifteen,
sixteen…” His voice faded away again. Yuu’s heart started beating faster again.
Lavi had lost so much blood; he was probably in shock right now. If he wasn’t
delirious from that, they’d certainly hit him enough, probably in the back of
the head. He really needed to know if Lavi was okay, because in this tiny
space, there was only one certainty: he loved Lavi, and if anything happened to
the man, Yuu couldn’t live.
A chain broke completely, one of the many necessary to free his emotions. It
wasn’t much, but perhaps it was progress. Finally.
“Thirty-four, thirty—”
Yuu felt the lift bounce infinitesimally as it came to a stop. One minute and
thirty-four and a half seconds. From the lifts he’d taken recently, that was a
ridiculously long time. They were very deep in the mountain, then.
He heard Lavi’s breathing, and that steadied him. Yes, he could concentrate.
This was just like when he meditated. Deep breath in, deep breath out, matching
them to something very important—like Lavi’s breaths.
“Yuu,” Lavi said quietly, “Moyashi will do something about this, the others,
too.” The unseen redhead spoke in Japanese. Somehow, just that lightened the
mood enough for him to find a tiny amount of peace. He could get through this,
because Lavi was still alive. Because Lavi was right there, even if Mugen
wasn’t. “Suki da,” Lavi added hoarsely, his voice nearly too quiet for Yuu to
hear.
He needed to say it back. Deep in his mind, the feelings thrashed and bucked
and tore at the restraints. He loved Lavi, he loved him, let him say it, dear
God, let him say it, even if he didn’t believe in God. It became a litany in
his head: say it, say it…
And then, miraculously, he thought he could. Maybe just this once. If it was
going to be his only chance. “Su—su—ah.” Something hit him in the back, forcing
a grunt from his throat. They weren’t allowed to talk, and now that the
opportunity was gone, Yuu couldn’t say it. But he wanted to.
“Yuu?”
That sweet, sweet voice. He didn’t care if Lavi thought it sounded like a
fucking apple. Apples tasted good, they were fine, he loved them. Tiedoll had
given him one, before he’d died, back when they’d first met. Every time he
returned to Headquarters, Tiedoll would insist on giving him a big apple. It
annoyed him, but it reminded him that some things in life were tolerable. Not
his Master, though. Well, maybe his Master, he amended. But apples were
good—they were his favorite fruit. And that had nothing to do with Lavi. Not
that he would tell the stupid rabbit that. Not that he’d ever get the chance.
He didn’t think Lavi’s voice sounded like an apple. It was bitter and sweet,
like sweet and sour sauce. If he was comparing it to something, which he
wasn’t.
He couldn’t hear Lavi’s breathing anymore—where had he gone? Hadn’t he been
next to Yuu? Even the dim light of the lantern was gone, and Yuu could see
nothing. Could Lavi see anything? He nearly hit his head at his idiocy. It’s
dark! He screamed at himself. Of course he can’t!
Which scared him. Not that he would admit it.
And then they were moving him. He heard something that sounded like a scream.
It was Lavi’s voice. He tried to struggle, but they wouldn’t let him, holding
him in a vice-tight grip. They were just pulling him along for so long. He
screamed out, yelled, shrieked. Lavi was there, and they were taking Yuu away
from him. He lost count of footsteps. But he still screamed, screamed in
English, in Japanese, even in fucking Sanskrit. Even after his voice cracked
and died, he still screamed on.
He heard something open, felt the light breeze as it moved past his face. Then
he was in a room, cold and dark, and though he couldn’t see the door, it
reminded him of his childhood. He tried to curl up, but the people were still
there, pulling him further in. He tried to struggle, tried to scream though his
voice was gone, but to no avail. The Exorcist jacket was ripped from his body.
He felt the knife that tore it away sink through flesh in a shallow wound that
would probably bleed far too much. His shirt was thrown off, too. Yuu shivered
in the cold. It was freezing.
His back hit the wall, and this time, he did make a noise—a sort of strangled
yelp that didn’t suit him at all. His hands were wrenched above his head.
Adrenaline crashed through his system. No, no no!!! His head screamed out. He
would never be shackled again. No! Not this! Anything, no, stop!
He didn’t realize there was a voice pervading the air again until its brief
flicker to life had died down. The movements of the Cardinals had stopped, and
they stood above him. Had he said that out loud? It wouldn’t surprise him. What
language had he spoken in?
“You don’t deserve our mercy,” someone very, very close said. Yuu shuddered
away. It wasn’t his father, it really wasn’t. His father was dead. He was over
this, dammit! Hadn’t he chosen to get over it when he’d told Lavi? So why was
he shaking like a leaf?
Yuu jerked against their hold. The wall against his back was freezing.
Everything was so cold, and his father was right there, right in front of him,
breathing hot, moist breath on his cheek as he smiled down at him.
Yuu fought and fought and fought, but cold things came around his wrists too.
The door closed, but Yuu knew they were looming there, looming, just like his
father. They would loom and then they would come in, and they would show him
his mother, beat her up, rape her, all in front of him, and he was helpless to
stop it because no matter how hard he screamed and how hard he pulled at the
shackles on his wrists, he was held immobile.
And then he began to seize.
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: That was long. O.O
     Sorry about the continued Kanda and Lavi torture. Seriously, though,
     this is the LAST time. Well, except for once more, but that’s more…
     self-inflicted?
***** We’re Not Gonna Take it Anymore *****
Chapter_26—We’re_Not_Gonna_Take_it_Anymore
He was waiting. He, Lieutenant General Carter Williams, was waiting. He had
been waiting for hours. He felt like he was waiting for a death sentence,which
he supposed, could very well be the case. He only hoped the Cardinals wouldn’t
find Kanda and Lavi, but deep down, he knew they would. So he wasn’t surprised
when the Cardinals came in, looking incensed.
“Director,” The lead Cardinal addressed him coarsely, “What kind of Order are
you running here?”
“Umm… a good one?” He questioned, trying to sound innocent.
“Well, it doesn’t appear like that to us. We understand that you being from
outside this organization has not instilled in you the same values as a
director brought out from the church itself, but we expected you to follow our
rules as if you were. We’ve arrested two Exorcists for blatant heresy.” Carter
felt his blood run cold, though his only outward sign was a raised eyebrow.
“What are you going to do to them?” He asked, trying to sound disinterested.
“We are going to complete our investigation, and then we are going to take them
with us.”
“Investigation? I thought this was a routine inspection.”
“We’ve had some… concerns brought to our attention by the Grand Marshalls. You
could very well lose your job director.”
“Indeed? Well, why don’t I make your investigation easier?” He didn't give a
shit about his own career, only about what happened to the two men that were
concerningly absent from these proceedings. He picked up the intercom phone and
spoke evenly and calmly into it.
“All Generals to my office immediately. Road, you too.” A moment later, a door
appeared and all six of them walked through.
“Where are Kanda-kun and Lavi?” Lenalee asked, surveying the room.
“That’s why I’ve called you here. We have a major situation—“
“Why are there Noahs here?” The lead Cardinal demanded accusingly, pointing at
Allen, Lenalee, and Road.
“Well, if you had read my report that I sent you weeks ago, you would know the
answer,” Carter replied gruffly. “Road has betrayed the Earl, and Allen and
Lenalee are the Heart of the Innocence—which is part of Noah.” He finished his
explanation overtop of the lead Cardinal’s annoying nasal voiced protests.
“Director! Where are Kanda-kun and Lavi!” Lenalee insisted in a yell. Another
Cardinal turned to her.
“You mean the homos?”
Carter felt a surge of rage rush through his stomach. He heard a sharp crackas
Lenalee’s fist impacted the face of the Cardinal who had just spoken.
“Don’t you ever call them that again! You have no idea how much they need one
another!” Allen was physically restraining her as she went at the Cardinal
again, Innocence forgotten. “Where are they!?” She screamed.
“Never mind them, now we have to arrest you. They can stay there a few days—by
order of the Church, you are—”
Lenalee remembered her Innocence at the same time she broke free of Allen’s
strong grasp, and she collided, Innocence fully activated, with the man’s face.
He went down, nose broken and bleeding profusely. Lenalee used her other leg to
knee him squarely in the side of the stomach, and a moment later, a third kick
that threw the man several yards back connected with his groin.
“You will tell me where they are,” she hissed, tears falling from her eyes.
Carter knew immediately that they were of anger.
The Cardinals shuffled back uneasily, but they held their ground. Lenalee went
to hit the next one with a solid kick. Thankfully, Allen was behind her again,
pinning her arms to her sides and pulling her to the ground where she could not
use her Dark Boots.
“I’ve got a better idea, Lenalee, we’ll look for them ourselves, and then we’ll
leave,” Allen said firmly, loud enough for everyone in the room to hear.
Secretly, Carter thought it was a fabulous idea. From the general looks of
agreement on the other Exorcists’ faces, it was a common thought.
“You can’t leave,” the lead Cardinal wheezed weakly from the floor.
“Watch us,” Cyrah growled, unleashing her Innocence and driving them from the
room. “I assume we’ll be quartering in the Ark, then, Walker?”
Allen nodded, stunned that his suggestion had actually been taken. “Why… do you
want to leave?” He asked disbelievingly.
“You’re not the only one who despises this organization, Bean Sprout,” Cyrah
said critically. “They just get in our way, with their politics and their
hypocrisy.”
“We have the Coalition to support us now,” Tamas chipped in. “They will provide
us with a budget, and really, as long as we get guns, food, and clothing, we’ll
be pretty much self-sufficient.”
“I can take the Ark’s anchor from its position here. Where should I…?”
“We need to find Kanda-kun and Lavi!” Lenalee insisted from the floor, Allen
still holding her down. He nodded sharply and turned to Carter.
“Director, I need you to get everyone who’s coming into the Ark.”
Carter nodded. That was his role in this situation. Turning on the full
intercom—the one that reached into the Exorcists’ rooms and the training
rooms—he quickly outlined the situation. His words were brief. “The Vatican is
no longer supportive of this Order. We’re leaving. Those of you who wish to
come, get into the Ark. You have three hours. Take everything—we won’t ever be
coming back. Those of you who don’t wish to come, get the hell out, go back to
your families. Enjoy the rest of your lives.”
He hadn’t meant it to sound that critical, but this was war, and if they
weren’t in the protection of the Ord—no, the Ark—then they would most likely
die. They would die with those self-same families they’d be going home to. And
somehow, Carter just couldn’t bring himself to care.
He nodded to the Generals and Road. “I’ll have someone clear out my office and
load it onto the Ark. I’m coming to search with you.”
Allen and Lenalee nodded in unison, their motion completely synched. Perhaps
Carter had a second role, too.
---
He descended down another floor. He had been searching for three hours. At the
beginning, he had tried searching the entire floor, but he had soon realized
that wasn’t quick enough. Now, he simply called out in hopes that someone would
answer.
“By order of the Cardinals, I’ve been sent down here to relieve one of you!” He
shouted down the corridor, but as usual, there was no response. He was lucky he
had his night vision lens; otherwise he wouldn’t be able to see at all. All
around him was dark; a blackness so dense it seemed impossible that light had
ever existed.
Sighing, he continued in his downward search. Another hour passed, then
another. Had it really been five hours since he had seen the beautiful moment
in the library? Apparently so. He wanted to check his watch, but the light on
the digital screen was burnt out from frequent use.
He called out his line, his mantra, one more time, and this time, his heart
beat in relief as someone answered.
“Are they letting them go now?” A young voice asked, quivering in what the
photographer identified as fear. Immediately, he ran toward the voice. As they
came into the view of his camera, he was able to identify them as two of the
ten bodyguards the Cardinals had brought with them. Maybe it wasn’t his place,
but they seemed kind of like altar boys, only older. They were even dressed in
scarlet frocks.
“Are they both in there?” The photographer asked, hoping for the best.
“No, the black-haired one’s down the hall. This one was screaming, but he went
quiet about four hours ago, maybe longer. We couldn’t leave—we’re too afraid of
what they might do to us, or our families.” From the terrified look in the
boys’ eyes the photographer knew he wasn’t lying.
He stepped back. “What?” He asked. The photographer had known from the instant
he’d stepped foot inside the Order that there were many corrupt policies
residing inside, but this was ridiculous.
“I’m gonna go get help, but I need to check on Kanda first. The redhead, I
think, is the saner of the two.”
“Are you sure? Some of the things he was screaming… shit, man, I don’t even
know half those languages. Spent a ridiculous amount of time shouting in Latin,
though, as if we could understand it…” The young guard grimaced.
The photographer ran down the hall, but the longer he ran, the longer it seemed
to take. He didn’t know how long he’d gone, but finally, he saw other people in
sight. He stopped in front of them, feeling as if he had just run a football
field, or a mile. Whichever was longer. These two boys looked far more
terrified than the others.
“Are you here to let him out?” said the one on the right, breaking rank and
bumbling over in the dark to try to throw himself on the photographer.
“What’s going on?” The photographer asked.
“There was this crazy noise going on, like chains being rattled too quickly,
and it just kept goin’ and goin’ for, like, three or four minutes, or maybe
longer. We think he was having an episode or somethin’. He got really quiet
afterward—before that he’d been screamin’, especially when he got locked up.
Called out in all kinds of languages, mostly Chinese or something—”
“No, it wasn’t Chinese. Chinese sounds a bit more… throaty. I dunno what it
was, though. Whatever kind of Asian he is, I’d bet.”
In any other situation, the photographer would have laughed. But now was not
the time, nor would that time be coming soon. “Do you have the keys?” He asked.
“No, they don’t trust us—”
“—Which is obvious, ‘cause we want ‘im outta there right now.”
“Do you have a cell phone?” The photographer asked. The two green-tinged boys
in his night vision lens shook their heads.
“No, we don’t get any reception down here. Too much metal, too much lead. I
think these used to be bomb shelters.”
The photographer clucked disapprovingly. How was he supposed to help the
Exorcists if they didn’t have the fucking keys, if he couldn’t fucking call
them down? How was he supposed to—Allen. Lenalee. The other Generals. Director
Williams. They would help, right? Maybe even that weird Noah chick? The
photographer muttered a quick, “I’ll get help, just hold on,” and ran pell-mell
down the narrow hall, hitting the metal doors and scraping his skin as he
headed toward the elevator. He got to it and pressed the up button almost
wildly. He was in a panic so deep that he couldn’t even make his hand work
right, and it took him several seconds to depress the button enough to send a
bright flare of the dim orange light into the darkness.
And then he waited. It was the longest minute and a half that he’d ever
experienced. He cursed himself for not having charged his cell phone, not that
it would have worked anyway. Still, he would waste precious seconds after
stepping off the—
“ALLEN! LENALEE!” He yelled, bypassing the Cardinal who was trying to
discreetly step into the elevator. He couldn’t see the two Exorcists he was
searching for, but if he kept screaming out their names, they would be
attracted eventually, right? “ALLEN! LENALEE!”
He went up maybe two or three flights of stairs when he finally saw the
youngest General’s white hair, coupled with General Lee’s dark black locks.
Surprisingly, Director Williams was with them, as was the Noah known as Road
Kamelot.
“I found them!” He yelled, and the four people turned around, staring at him as
if they didn’t quite believe him. “The bomb shelters! Bottom floor! Hurry, I
think there’s a Cardinal going down there right now!”
Allen stared at him. “You’ve got a video camera, right?”
That was the only time the photographer shut the camera off during the entire
proceedings. He nodded and rewound the film to show the white-haired General
Lavi’s cell. A moment later, there was a gate, and they stepped through,
passing into the sinister, oppressive depths of the Dark Order.
The Cardinal was already at the locks of Lavi’s cell as they entered the now
crowded hallway.
“Crowned Clown!” Allen shouted, and his snow white Innocence formed, emanating
a pure, golden glow. Lenalee activated hers as well, and the two of them took
down the Cardinal before he could get over the momentary blindness caused by
the light from the Ark.
“I’ve got the keys, Allen!” Lenalee said as she took them from the Cardinal’s
motionless hand. Turning to the photographer, who already had his camera going
again, she added, “which way is it?”
The photographer responded with a quick, “down the hallway—at the very end.”
She dashed off, just as the photographer had thought she would, in the
direction of Kanda’s cell. She was the fastest of them, thanks to her Dark
Boots, and when concentrating very hard, could reach near the speed of sound,
if not faster. There was a crash to the photographer’s side as Allen ripped the
heavy, metal door from its hinges and threw it aside. It landed next to the
Cardinal, which the photographer thought was bad aim. He pointed his camera
into the room, and the sight before him nearly washed the light from his world
completely.
It was Lavi in there, shackled to the ground, curled up on the freezing stone
floor. He was shivering, and even in the camera’s green-tinged lens, the
photographer understood that his lips were the wrong color. He probably had
hypothermia. Dust covered his hair and bare chest—the Ark and Headquarters were
both kept at very warm temperatures, and it was common to go about in a tee-
shirt and pants or less. He stared out into space, simply quivering, reminding
the photographer of a little child.
A pool of blood, mostly dried but still wet in places, surrounded his very
badly scabbed hands, which were also among the palpable layer of dust. Allen
rushed in and tore the shackles from the ground with his overly-strong left
arm. Lavi didn’t react at all.
“Goddammit,” the boy General hissed. “C’mon, Lavi, Kanda’s going to beat you if
you do this to him again. You don’t want that, right? You want to go up to him
with that annoying smile of yours and say, ‘hey, Yuu-chan,’ right, Lavi?”
Still, the redhead did not respond. Dragging him up from the ground didn’t
help. Lavi simply fell back down again, as if he were a pile of goo.
They heard footsteps, and when they turned, the photographer didn’t need his
night vision camera to see the soft light emanating from Lenalee’s Innocence.
Behind her, steps shaky and very unsteady, almost tottering, was Kanda. His
eyes, once they got close enough for the photographer to see, were vacant.
Something was crusted about his chin, and his wrists were bleeding openly. The
sheer number of scars on the man’s naked chest nearly covered the blue-ish hue.
The photographer nearly dropped the camera. “They’re both hypothermic,” he said
urgently, knowing the symptoms from his time in the Coast Guard, “You need to
get them warm. Now. Lavi’s not responding, and that can indicate stage three.
From the way Kanda’s moving, I’d guess the same.”
“How?” Lenalee asked, worry lacing her voice.
“Hospital. Allen, you need to—”
“They won’t do it. Kanda won’t, and Lavi doesn’t trust the medical facilities
here after—”
“What’s the next best option?” Lenalee asked loudly, interrupting Allen.
The photographer thought for a second, forcing his thoughts through his panic-
ridden brain, but he couldn’t think of anything.
“Get them in the shower, get all the male, parasitic-types with you—you all run
higher temperatures. Share body heat,” Director Williams responded quickly,
speaking for the first time since they’d gotten down here.
For the severity of the situation, Allen seemed perfectly capable of making a
joke. “You mean I have to be naked? With them? Alone? In a shower?”
Lenalee slapped him. There wasn’t much strength behind it, though. “Just get
them in the shower already, Allen! I don’t care if you have to put things in
places, they’re not dying!”
Allen blushed mightily but created another portal right into the Ark’s
bathroom. He’d become proficient at creating temporary doors once he’d
discovered the ability, and they acted much like Road’s doors did, connecting
dimensions from far off. He let his claw revert back into his left hand and
tossed Kanda and Lavi in the shower. They both collapsed on the tile. Lenalee
ran off to get Lolek, Justin, and Michel.
The photographer forgot he even had the camera going as he watched the scene
unfold. Road created a door to go down to Hevlaska’s chamber. Perhaps having
their Innocence back would help them somewhat. The two hypothermic Exorcists
were stripped down and thrown together as water poured down their backs. Still,
they didn’t move, even as Allen made a face and removed his shirt. The
photographer didn’t need to document the rest, so he waited for Lenalee to
return.
It took them a long time to warm even slightly. Perhaps an hour after they’d
begun the shower, Kanda began to blink a bit with awareness, though it was not
much. Road, it turned out, could not return the Innocence to them, as it was
crystal type and responded only to their blood.
When they’d finally been warmed enough to cease the shaking most of the way,
they were brought down, huddling in thick, warm blankets, to Hevlaska. She
returned their Innocence without further ado, looking relieved that she hadn’t
actually been forced to revert it back to elemental form.
Lavi’s hands stopped oozing blood, and the scabs disappeared as the lines of
Innocence returned. Eventually, they were thrown on their bed in the Ark,
dressed in two identical pairs of Darcy’s woolen pajamas and covered in a huge
plethora of blankets. Warm water was left on a burner on their bedside table
for when they awoke. The two still sported bright blue lips, but their cores
were both warm enough now to allow them to share body heat alone. A small
wonder, Allen commented dryly to the photographer.
He followed the other Exorcists as they went into the Musician’s room.
Apparently, Road had convinced Hevlaska to come, and everyone else was on the
Ark. Grimly, Allen released the anchor to Headquarters and moved the Ark
elsewhere.
---
Allen Walker was never going to take a shower again. He did not like showers
with a total of seven men stuffed into a place that could hold maybe two.
Especially when he was stuffed in the middle of it all. Sighing, he picked up
his cell phone and dialed the number of the American President. He figured it
was the most courteous thing he could do, seeing as he had parked the Ark above
his house. Without permission.
The President’s personal cell phone rang three times before a chipper voice
answered, “Barack.”
“Oh, you’re awake?” Allen asked, surprised.
“Uh, who… is this?” The President asked slowly.
“Allen Walker. I’m above you right now; mind if I come in?”
“Uh… sure?”
Allen quickly created a door to the Oval Office. Stepping inside, he saw a
groggy President sitting behind his desk, reviewing files and sipping a large,
steaming coffee. He looked up, sending Allen a confused look.
“Why are you soaking?” He asked. Allen shrugged inwardly. It was a legitimate
question.
“Funny story, that…” Allen said, smiling in a too-casual way. “Kind of why
we’re here, actually.”
Again, he was shot a confused look, almost as if the President was too
astounded by his appearance at four in the morning to form a coherent question.
“We, er, left the Order.”
“Come again?”
Allen poked his head back through the door and motioned for the other Exorcists
to come in through the portal. Lolek, Darcy, Michel, and Justin were all in
similar states of undress and wetness, though the ginger man sported a luridly
pink towel over his shoulders. Allen suspected Amanda’s interference, she’d
been the reason Darcy had shown up to help, after all. Sure enough, she stepped
in after him, carrying another pink towel. Road walked in after them, and the
others followed until all the Exorcists were standing in the office.
“Where is Mr. Kanda?” Barack asked, scanning the crowd.
“Er, yeah, about that… remember how I said we left the Order? Well, they were
kind of the last straw.”
“They?”
“Him and Lavi. They’re together—I think Lavi was mentioned a few times last
time we were here—and the Cardinals are under the impression that sodomy equals
heresy. Apparently, they take St. Augustine’s doctrine too seriously. Ha. That
was before they saw us.”
He saw Barack flinch as he saw the stigmata that graced Allen’s forehead.
Barack’s stare went to Lenalee and then Road. “Isn’t that…?”
“We have a lot to explain. It appears that no one got the memo. Perhaps there
was interference on the other side? I think we should have the world leaders
here for this. There’s… a video you should see, too. We need you on our side.
The Vatican is not pleased with our decision. It’s their fault, though. It’s
been a long time coming.”
Barack knitted his eyebrows. “I don’t quite follow.”
“Well, I could list to you what they’ve done to me personally, and that would
be enough, but I don’t think that works, really. There have been worse
things—personal things, of course, like how they took us, how they kept us
there.” He sent a grimace over to Lenalee, who nodded back in understanding.
“It’s not surprising we wanted to leave. Honestly, we should have left
centuries ago. Kanda and Lavi were the last straw, though.”
“What happened, exactly?” Barack questioned, leaning forward and putting his
files down. He took a sip of his coffee, reminding Allen briefly of Komui.
“We don’t… know. The only clear fact is that they spent five hours locked up in
the basement of the Order with no lights, no heat, and no shirts. We know that
Kanda was chained to the wall and Lavi was chained to the floor. They were in
separate cells—Kanda’s seemed to be a storage room of some sort, while Lavi’s
was a bunk room. We also know that they had their Innocence confiscated. All
this because they were seen lying down on a couch together,” Allen explained
softly, his voice slightly monotone. “Our photographer is bringing a video of
it all. If he hadn’t followed them… well, there was a Cardinal down there.
Kanda and Lavi could be dead now. Not mentioning personal relationships, the
entire war would have fallen to the enemy if they had been killed. They’re both
incredibly powerful, second only to me and Lenalee. And we cheated.”
“You cheated?” There was some interest in the President’s hushed voice.
“We’re the Heart of the Innocence, me and Lenalee,” Allen responded
nonchalantly, shrugging. The President made a hmmming noise but otherwise
remained quiet on the subject.
“You have yet to explain why you’re wet,” he commented.
“Well, Kanda and Lavi had hypothermia. Kanda… doesn’t do hospitals. Or
touching, not that he had a choice here. But he was a bit too out of it to
notice. We had to get them warm somehow. All parasitic-types have insanely high
metabolisms, so we run a good bit warmer than the others. It was a bit of a
male bonding moment, actually.” Allen tried to smile, but it fell flat, just
like his joke had. This was no time to be laughing.
“Are they okay?”
“They’ve never been okay,” Amanda said softly from behind Allen. All attention
focused on her. “What? Have you guys not seen Kanda’s scars? Those aren’t just
from being an Exorcist. Was everyone too drunk to remember his outburst after
we watched the video about A-Artemis? And Lavi! Do you all not realize how
fucking unstable he is!? He breaks down every time Kanda is gone! They love
each other, but they’re both fucking nuts—and I don’t blame them! Road won’t
talk about it, but she’s seen their dreams, and she’s thrown up most mornings
after that! I would know! I’m the one holding her hair back!”
Her outburst was met with a stunned silence. Thankfully, it was broken a moment
later as the photographer walked in. “Are you guys ready to see it?” He asked.
Allen grinned guiltily.
“Let me get the other world leaders. I’ll be back in a bit.”
They all came willingly, especially after Allen had explained why. It was a
tight squeeze in the small ovular office, but no one was complaining as the
horrible truth became evident on the video screen.
Their faces all grew shocked the longer the video played on, going from the
scene on the couch until the rescue and consequent shower.
“You said that was the last straw?” One of the politicians asked in highly
accented English. Allen recalled her as the German Chancellor.
Lenalee nodded. “Perhaps we should all give them our personal reasons for
leaving the Order?” There was a general murmur of agreement. “Mr. Leslie, would
you be so kind as to record this, too?”
The photographer nodded.
“I suppose I’ll begin, then,” Allen said. “My younger life didn’t have anything
to do with the Order, and even though my Master was possibly the most
disgusting piece of shit on the planet, he still taught me well. Nothing was a
problem until they discovered that I was the Musician’s host. I was basically
thrown out of the Order, though they made it seem like I was still an Exorcist.
They tried me for heresy—or attempted to. They… only kept me around because I
was prophesized as the Destroyer of Time.” He reported all this with only an
ironic smile and a matter-of-fact tone. It was only so that he could keep the
betrayal out of his features.
Lenalee went next, and Allen squeezed her hand gently in support. “After my
parents were killed by Akuma, my brother, Komui, and I tried to get by on our
own. One day, I saw a very nice, very cheap pair of shoes, and he bought them
for me as a birthday present. It was the first non-vital expenditure he’d made.
They had Innocence in them. The Order found us and took me away. I tried to
escape—I didn’t want to be there—but they held me prisoner. They had no problem
hitting me into submission, Leverrier especially. I think I would have
eventually resigned myself to my life, but… then I saw the experiments.”
Lenalee’s voice became weak as a tear slowly fell down from her left eye. Allen
had noted the world leaders confused expressions. “They tried to create
Exorcists,” Lenalee explained.
“Isn’t that impossible, though?” One of the foreign leaders asked. Lenalee
nodded.
“They made Hevlaska put Innocence into the bodies of the Exorcists’ relatives.
They figured, since they were blood-related… but no, they all Fell. The sight
of it… made me go… insane. Even when Gege came to the Order, I was still… I am
still dealing with it.”
Allen pulled her into a soft, comforting hug, and she put her head onto his
shoulder. He felt her body shake as she tried not to cry. Eventually, her hands
came up to fist the fabric of his Exorcist jacket. His shirt was starting to
get wet by the time the next person began to speak. It was Amanda.
“My family is poor—I mean really, really poor, south-side Chicago poor,” Her
voice wavered, and the American President sent her an understanding look, “I
have two younger brothers. My parents… they didn’t like to talk about it in
front of us, but we all knew that they were having trouble even paying our
school fees. We lived in a tiny apartment. When my school blew up in an Akuma
attack and they discovered that I was compatible with one of the General’s
Innocence, they recruited me immediately. I knew not being around would help my
parents, so I planned on going with them anyway, but they offered to pay my
family for my… services. They promised money for my brothers’ schooling and
money for me for a college of my choice. It was an unbelievable offer, so of
course, I left without hesitation.”
Amanda began to shake. “The thing is, the second I die, not only does the
college money go down the drain, but my brothers’ school money, too. It doesn’t
sound like much, but when you’re from a poor family, the only hope of coming
out of that is education. I don’t care if I die and lose my bit, but if my
brothers do… I could never forgive myself.”
Darcy’s was worse. “I also lived with my brother. We ran from my parents due
to… disagreements. He was old enough to take care of me. The Order found me. My
brother wouldn’t let me go, though. I didn’t want to go. So they killed him and
took me anyway.” It was a brief explanation, but it hinted at a sorrow so great
that it threatened to destroy the ginger man.
Tamas grumbled a little and then spoke next. “The only bad thing they did to me
was force me to be a General. I was just sick of the corruption, the
hypocrisy.”
They all continued in a similar manner, though many of them had horrible
stories to tell. The worst, by far, was Chu-chan’s. It disgusted Allen that
people could be that sick.
“I am the illegitimate child of my mother and her… paramour. My father found
out when I was seven. At first, he wanted to take care of me, but then I
realized that it was because everyone thought he was mine. When I was just
about nine years old, though, when I started to really look like my real
father, my father started treating me like shit, and one day, he took me out
with him and left me somewhere, saying he’d be back. Some seedy-looking guys
came over.” Chu-chan laughed bitterly. “They were from a well-known brothel
downtown. Apparently, my father sold me to them so he’d ‘never have to look at
my ugly face again.’” Chu-chan laughed again. “They trained me for a bit,
mostly just beating and… ‘lessons on pleasure’ as they called them. Once they
were sure I’d do the actual job, they set me up with my first… client. Who
turned out to be General McCarthy.
“General McCarthy asked me if I wanted to leave. I noticed his pocket was
glowing and pointed it out. He looked surprised and then withdrew my Innocence.
It didn’t turn into my gun—that was forged later—but it turned into something
similar. He walked me out, paid for my freedom, and bought me a pair of pants.
Later, he got me a shirt, too.
“McCarthy was a good General—very instructive, too—but a hoard of Level Fours
got to him while I was his apprentice. I became a full-fledged Exorcist, but
they didn’t want me to be a General. The Order always treated me as if I was
their property, since I was purchased. They still do—the higher-ups, anyway.”
There was an oppressive silence after Chu-chan’s story, and while everyone
stared uncomfortably around the room, Road gasped.
“Kanda’s dream is gone. I think he’s awake,” she informed them, adding a moment
later that Lavi’s dream had faded from her mind as well. The two missing
Exorcists walked unsteadily into the room, eyes vacant and hair messy. Kanda
seemed to be more aware than Lavi, who was leaning heavily against the shorter
man. He grabbed Lavi’s wrist and walked to the opposite side of the room,
slumping against the wall in an uncharacteristic fashion. Lavi fell against
him, his back to Kanda’s chest.
It would have been cute, Allen supposed, if they both didn’t look so
traumatized. And if it wasn’t Kanda who was slowly wrapping his arms around
Lavi. Actually, it could never be cute, because Allen didn’t get off on those
things. Especially after that shower. Allen shuddered at the image. It hadn’t
been pleasant, being shirtless against two men who were half frozen solid.
There were so many people in the tiny space that any movement at all had been
impossible. He hadn’t been able to feel the hot water, though he knew logically
that it had soaked his head. It also hadn’t helped that Justin and Darcy had
started singing a drinking song.
Allen watched without interest as Amanda followed the traumatized couple to the
back of the room, sliding down the wall until she was sitting next to them.
Darcy sat next to her a moment later, wrapping an arm over her shoulders. She
leaned into him just slightly, her face relaxing just a little bit. That, Allen
supposed, was cute. Well, no, that couldn’t be, either, because Darcy was an
annoying fool. Who was still wearing that blasted pink towel.
Lenalee, are you the one thinking the cute things? He asked, opening her door
in his mind. She peered out at him from her room and giggled.
Sorry, Allen, I think they look cute together. Both couples. She had the
decency to smile sheepishly, though Allen knew she didn’t feel guilty at all.
It’s really weird having your thoughts appear in my head sometimes. It’s hard
to differentiate, he said, shrugging. It was not that he particularly cared
that he was sharing thoughts with Lenalee, but some of her thoughts were…
strange. He didn’t mind that they were girlish, except that it made him feel
like he should be questioning his sanity sometimes… or his sexuality.
It had been a weird thing for them both when they’d discovered this. It had
happened around the time they’d taken a tour of the other’s mind, and though
they didn’t share much, it was disconcerting when he suddenly knew what color
bra Amanda was wearing or started worrying about Kanda-kun. That had been what
had clued him in, actually. They thought in different ways. Obviously. Because
he’d never call Kanda that. Not in a million years.
He closed the door to Lenalee’s mind, making sure not to lock it in case that
separated them and did something to their Innocence (and secretly because he
didn’t want to), he forced himself back into reality just in time to notice
Lolek waving his hand in front of their faces.
“Oh, he’s just checked back in. What happened, Allen?” Lolek asked, looking
concerned. The rest of the room mirrored his expression.
“Nothing, sorry, I guess I just—”
“DON’T EAT THE CHILDREN!” Lavi’s desperate voice shot out, interrupting Allen’s
meager explanation. Everyone stared back at him.
“Lavi, what’s going on?” Amanda said, seeming taken aback by Lavi’s sudden
change in position. He was now grabbing her by the scruff of her shirt, his eye
wild with delirium and panic.
“They’re gonna eat them, you have to stop it, Amanda! Please, please… stop
them!” He shouted. Obviously, he was in some sort of similar reality. He knew
where he was, who was around him, but could not comprehend the world at the
moment. The outburst ended as Amanda gently removed the redhead’s hands and
leaned the man back against his lover. The man was still mumbling things under
his breath and Allen noticed the American girl cringe a bit at the contents.
The silence got even more awkward after Lavi’s sudden exclamation. No one knew
what to say, and Allen looked at Lenalee helplessly. He didn’t know how to move
the subject away from Lavi’s apparent insanity.
Cyrah did, though. “The Order watched as my village burned. They took me to be
an Exorcist, but they didn’t know I was pregnant. They killed my baby.”
That was all she said. That was all that needed to be said. Everyone stood in
shocked silence, broken only by Chu-chan’s shuffling gait as he walked over to
Cyrah and placed a hand on her shoulder. Allen found it ironic that the Church
was being so harsh on Lavi and Kanda after it had committed what most members
called murder. But then, the Order was hypocritical.
The President looked past the Exorcists to the back of the room, eyeing Kanda.
Allen knew the man had a large amount of respect for the black-haired Exorcist,
despite the fact that Kanda was a cold asshole. Getting up from behind his
desk, President Obama walked silently over to the two despondent Exorcists. As
he stepped closer, Lavi reached over and grasped the man’s pant leg. He turned
a desperate eye up the tall politician.
“Please… please, don’t make me watch, Bookman!” Lavi pled pitifully.
Obama leaned down, looking Lavi in the eye, and said softly, “No, you don’t
have to watch. Just close your eyes and it will all go away, everything is
going to be okay.” Allen watched as Lavi’s hand slowly unclenched and he fell
back against Kanda, his eye no longer containing any coherency.
“Please continue your stories, I’ll stay here,” the American President said,
sitting on the floor in front of the redhead. Lavi huddled farther back in
Kanda’s arms, and the long-haired man responded by tightening his grip.
“My sister and I were kidnapped. Our parents still don’t know I’m alive,” Lolek
said soberly.
“Where’s your sister?” One of the politicians asked. Lolek looked away and
wouldn’t comment further. Allen grinned a little when he saw Miranda slip
herself just a little bit closer to him, placing a hand lightly in his. It was
good to see her being so outgoing again. It was good to see she was finally
healing.
“The Order used me as a tool to keep people uninjured beyond their capacity to
survive once my Time Record deactivated. It’s not pleasant being a tool, I
think Allen understands this the most, as they did something similar with him
and the Ark,” Miranda said softly, being just as brief as Lolek had.
“Can anyone tell us the stories of the two over there?” The Russian President
asked in highly-accented English.
Allen stared at everyone for a moment before he spoke up. “Lavi was a Bookman.
But he found his heart. Kanda… we don’t know what happened, but he always said
the Order was better than home. And you saw what the Order did to him. I think
that, if you asked him now, he’d still insist the same.” He grimaced, lacking
any other expression that seemed appropriate.
“Um, Allen, Lavi’s muttering weird things again,” Amanda said, sounding
worried. Allen turned to the back of the room. Lavi’s eye was blank and dark,
just as it had been when they’d found him, but his mouth was moving, forming
incoherent mixes of languages. Behind him, Kanda’s eyes were closed, though he
held Lavi just as tightly as if he were awake. The world leaders flinched as
they recognized parts of their native languages.
“What is he saying?” Amanda asked quietly. The world leaders shook their heads,
refusing to repeat Lavi’s words. The photographer had come to stand near the
redhead, and though Allen didn’t want him catching all this on film, perhaps it
was for the better if he did. It would make whatever he was planning to do with
the footage all the more realistic, even if it showed his friends in a moment
of weakness.
“Otou-san, yamero,” Kanda mumbled into Lavi’s head. Allen didn’t know much
Japanese, but he knew enough to catch the meaning of those two words. The rest
of the sentence made the Japanese Prime Minister turn vaguely green.
“What is he saying?” This time, it was the photographer who asked. Reluctantly,
the Japanese politician repeated Kanda’s words, translating them without effort
into English.
“‘Father, stop. Don’t hurt Mother, she’s sick. No, stop, Father, you’re hurting
me. No, no! Not the belt!’”
Allen suddenly understood the scars on Kanda’s back, the ones he had been
trying to forget since he’d been pressed against them in the sardine shower. He
wished he didn’t. “Leave that out of whatever you plan to do,” he ordered,
addressing the photographer. “He doesn’t need pity, especially that of the
entire world.”
The photographer nodded, but Allen wasn’t sure if that would stop the man or
not.
“What are you planning to do with that?” Darcy asked, shifting the room’s
attention back to something that wasn’t Kanda or Lavi.
“I was thinking a documentary-exposé, actually. You know, ‘The Dark Order:
Corruption and Lies’ or some equally cheesy title that people will want to hear
about. It’ll help your position. You’re trying to break with the Church. You
may have the Coalition’s support—you do, right?” He turned and looked at the
politicians, who all nodded slowly. “So you should also have the support of the
world. The Vatican can’t do a damn thing if you have everyone’s support against
them,” the photographer finished. Allen nodded thoughtfully. The idea made
sense, he supposed.
“Everyone, are you okay with them publishing this?” He asked, gazing at each
Exorcist in turn. Everyone agreed, though some—Chu-chan included, not that
Allen blamed him—looked a bit hesitant. Kanda and Lavi both remained still,
unaware of the proceedings in the room. “I guess go ahead, then. It’s better to
have the secrets out than to have them festering down in the pit of the Order’s
archives.”
At that last word, Lavi began to scream, wordless, fearful screams that
captured everyone’s attention immediately. Road looked at the redhead and in a
second was on the floor, writhing and screaming as well.
“She’s… the Noah of Dreams, so she’s susceptible to strong—can we get them in a
different room? They still look a little blue, and honestly, all this activity
isn’t good for them,” Allen said, knowing he was acting on Lenalee’s emotions
more than his own. Still, he would have said the same, even if he couldn’t
physically feel the concern radiating from her mind. He would have seen it in
her features.
The President nodded. “There’s a room just down the hall.”
“Does it have a window?” Lenalee asked. The President nodded again. “Then take
them there. Make sure there’s light in there at all time—they were in the dark
for too long. I don’t know how they’d react to it.”
Hastily, Lolek moved over to the two fallen Exorcists and heaved Lavi up, his
face screwed up with the effort.
“Damn heavy,” he grunted as he passed Miranda. She giggled slightly and patted
his arm sympathetically. Using his left arm, Allen picked Kanda up, thinking of
how funny it would be if Kanda decided to take the time to wake up while he was
in the white-haired boy’s grasp.
---
December 4, 2013—The White House
Annoying voices twittered about, tickling Yuu’s ears until he was nearly
furious with their teasing quality. Couldn’t the people who were inexplicably
in his room realize they were annoying as fuck?
“Vikram, stop saying it’s your fault, it’s annoying.”
Great, it was those two annoying retards from the Asian Branch. Didn’t they
think they were going to wake Lavi up? He looked over at the redhead and saw
him still sleeping. Which was good. Yuu had been very, very tired, which meant
that Lavi would probably be the same. He didn’t remember why, though, just that
it had been very dark and cold. And that his mother had been hurt.
Which didn’t make sense, because his mother had been dead since he was ten.
“But you won’t even tell me what happened—”
“—Because you wouldn’t want to know!”
“But I do! Emiko, I want to know what that stupid little bitch did to you! I
see how you shrink away from her whenever you’re within five meters of each
other. I see how you leave the room whenever she enters. It’s infuriating! I
just want to know what I can do to help!” The Ass-Crack Indian—really, that man
had to pull his pants up, especially if he was sitting on the bed—said,
sounding pitifully helpless.
“You don’t! Please, Vikram, just drop it! I’m tired of you asking. I… I can’t
tell you, okay?” Perhaps Emiko-kun had the same problem as he did, Yuu thought.
She—he—whatever—couldn’t voice something, and though it was different from what
Yuu couldn’t say, perhaps they were more alike than just sharing a nation. It
struck him as strange that he was thinking of relating to people—something he’d
never done—but then, he thought that perhaps it was that stupid rabbit rubbing
off on him.
“Okay, fine, I get it, but Emiko… please, just let me help you somehow.” The
Ass-Crack Indian sounded defeated but accepting. Why couldn’t Lavi understand
like that?
Yuu blinked. What had he just thought? He was pretty sure Lavi understood what
he was going through, so where had that come from?
There was a pause, and Yuu was relieved. Perhaps they’d actually let the both
of them sleep again. But then, Emiko-kun broke the silence with a quiet
question. “So, did you think about it?”
There was a nervous shifting of the bed, confirming that the Ass-Crack Indian
really was there. “Could I… just… try something?” Vikram asked, and Yuu
wondered why the normally cocky man sounded so anxious.
He heard a sharp intake of breath, and suddenly Yuu was horrified. They were
kissing on his bed? Did they not realize he was here? Still, he couldn’t bring
himself to break the silence, mortified as he was. There was a loud moan that
emanated from someone’s throat—Yuu couldn’t tell which, as Emiko-kun seemed to
have forgotten her falsetto for the moment.
“Vikram,” she murmured, and Yuu had a horrible feeling that it was against the
Ass-Crack Indian’s lips.
Another moan tore through the room—Yuu was pretty sure it was the Ass-Crack
Indian. Sitting up, he glared irritably at the loud retards.
“Get the fuck out of the room,” he hissed, reaching about for Mugen before
remembering that it wasn’t activated at the moment.
The Ass-Crack Indian squeaked and tore himself away from Emiko-kun, running
from the room as if his low, ass-crack pants were on fire. He needed to pull
his pants up. The image was making Yuu feel sick.
Emiko-kun just stared at him, blushing, unable to make a sound. Yuu smirked a
bit. He kind of felt bad for the girl—boy—it. “Ano, I’m gonna go,” she said in
her high falsetto, speaking in Japanese in her embarrassment. She sprinted from
the room nearly as fast as the Ass-Crack Indian had. Yuu felt satisfied as he
lay back down and stared at Lavi again.
His heart surged as he looked at the redhead, though he wasn’t quite sure why.
He found his physical reactions to be annoying, though he didn’t mind them
nearly as much as he once had. Back when he’d been confused about his feelings,
back in the nineteenth century, he hadn’t understood why his heart did stupid
things or he’d started shaking or his breathing suddenly picked up. But he
thought he had a clue now. Even if he couldn’t say it yet.
Reaching out, he ran a solitary finger down Lavi’s stubbly face. He scowled a
bit—why hadn’t Lavi shaven? His stubble was outrageous, as if he hadn’t done
anything about it in days. Yuu felt like he was missing something, but he
ignored it, running another finger along with the first. Lavi made a little
sleepy grunt and leaned his face into Yuu’s hand.
A clear, emerald eye opened and looked groggily over at him. A smile spread
slowly on his—Lavi’s face, peaceful and slightly haunted. “I’m sorry,” he
whispered quietly.
“Why?” Yuu asked. What had happened?
“I fell asleep on you—it’s my fault they found us,” he said, speaking quieter
still.
“I… don’t follow,” Yuu admitted.
“It was really cold and dark, but it’s warm now. I knew Allen and Lenalee would
come—I was right, I’m guessing, since we’re together.”
Yuu felt his brow knit together in his confusion. What was he missing?
“Yuu, you don’t remember, do you?” Lavi asked, pulling one of his own hands
from under the warm comforter and placing it on one of Yuu’s surprisingly rough
cheeks. Had he forgotten to shave, too?
“You need to remember—the Cardinals, Yuu, they took us away, our Innocence,
too.”
Yuu felt like he had an egg cracked over his head as he remembered what had
happened, what his brain had hidden from him while he awoke. He ran his fingers
up and down Lavi’s cheek again, nodding. “I remember,” he said simply.
“What happened after the darkness?” Lavi asked. Yuu flinched.
“I had a ten,” he admitted, looking away but still running his fingers gently
over Lavi’s face. He didn’t understand why he felt the need to just touch the
man, but it was there, and he didn’t want to deny it. Lavi was apparently
having the same problem, as his second arm had emerged from under his pillow
and started brushing itself through Yuu’s hair.
Lavi’s expression grew worried, though he didn’t say anything else about it.
“You don’t have to tell me. But you’re okay now?”
Yuu nodded, and Lavi pulled him close. With horror, Yuu finally realized that
they weren’t in the Ark. But he didn’t care, because Lavi was there, holding
him. Even though it sounded stupid, it felt good to be in Lavi’s arms, to
simply be held. He would never admit it, though, along with the other stupid
things Lavi did that Yuu secretly found endearing. Like that stupid little
twitch he did when he was trying to hide how much he had to use the bathroom.
Or that tiny, crooked smile that flashed over his face for a millisecond when
he learned something new. Or that stupid, annoying little tendency he had where
his hand twitched just slightly when he was really concentrating on what
someone was saying, as if he was physically writing it down in his head.
“You’re still thinking outside your body, though. Yuu, come back down into your
head. You don’t have to defend yourself right now,” Lavi whispered in his ear,
the warm breath swirling its way around the hair hiding the orifice.
Yuu nodded and removed his hand from Lavi’s cheek, placing it instead on the
soft, bare skin of his back. “I…” He rattled at the restraints in his brain,
and for a second, he felt freedom. “…lo—”
The President of the United States walked into the room, a concerned look on
his face. Though he respected the man, he wanted to hit something. He’d been so
close. He needed to say it. But the chains were back, stronger than before,
just like a broken bone after it healed.
Taking out a rectangular object that Yuu now recognized as a laptop (Lavi had
one); the President sat down at a white, wooden desk with his back to the bed.
Lavi shifted next to him, pulling him even closer. Yuu glanced over, scowling
at him. There was a strange noise from the President’s direction, and when Yuu
looked back over at the tall man, he saw him typing furiously away at a
document whose contents Yuu couldn’t see.
Lavi smiled at him and put a finger to his lips, laughing silently. Yuu nodded
quietly, wondering why Lavi didn’t want to speak but not questioning it. The
redhead simply brought their foreheads together and stared at Yuu. For his
part, Yuu didn’t like the position. Lavi was too close and insanely blurry, and
the strain on his eyes was giving him a headache, but he put up with it for the
stupid rabbit’s sake. Eventually, Lavi pulled back, leaning over to place a
chaste kiss on his cheek and smiling.
“What are you doing?” Yuu finally asked, tired of being silent. The rabbit
could pout all he wanted, Yuu was bored. And the President had interrupted him
when he had finally been about to say it.
Obama jumped in shock, slamming his fingers down on the keyboard accidentally
as he yelped. Turning around, he stared in astonishment as Yuu sat up, the
world spinning around him. Obviously, he’d been lying down for a while. Shaking
his head to clear it, he gazed back at the American President.
“You’re awake?” The President asked disbelievingly. Yuu nodded impassively.
“Oh, yeah, we’ve been awake for a while now, Prez!” Lavi quipped cheerfully,
sitting up himself and looping an arm around Yuu’s bare shoulder. Yuu tensed.
Why was he shirtless? He looked down, panicked, and saw that everything was
showing. Every scar. Bared for the world to see. He didn’t want to make a
girlish move, sweeping up the covers and lifting them over his chest, but he
desperately didn’t want the President—or Lavi especially—to see them, to see
what was left of his father.
Thankfully, Lavi seemed to notice his expression and reached back to grab his
pillow, throwing it into Yuu’s lap and then leaning on it. Yuu held it securely
in place. Even with the rabbit’s head there, it showed nothing except his
shoulders and the scar at his collarbone.
If the President was phased at Yuu’s injuries, he didn’t show it. Instead, he
closed his laptop and smiled cordially. “I suppose you’re wondering why I’m
here,” he said, his smile growing wider.
Yuu nodded mutely. Now that he thought about it, what was the President doing
here?
“Well, you see, your friends came to the White House to explain to us—the
Coalition—that they’d left the Order.”
“We left the Order?” Lavi asked, interrupting the President’s explanation. Yuu
clapped a hand over the idiot’s mouth.
“Sorry, he’s an idiot, continue,” he said, feigning politeness with good
accuracy. He could apologize to people he respected. He’d done it to Komui
once. Once. Not that he’d respected Komui. At all.
The President’s eyes widened slightly, and he chuckled under his breath. “Yes,
they anchored the Ark above my house, but now they’re above the UN building
until we can find a better place.”
“Then, where are we?” Lavi asked, taking over the conversation. Yuu was content
to let it happen that way, unconsciously letting the hand he wasn’t supporting
himself with drop into Lavi’s hair.
“You’re in the White House. You two walked in and started screaming, so Allen
and Lenalee took you to one of the guest rooms by the office. How are you
feeling?” There was genuine concern in Obama’s tone, almost fatherly. Yuu
couldn’t rationally explain it. The only person who had ever shown concern for
him like that had died over a century ago.
“Er, a bit sore,” Lavi said, grimacing.
“Urusei, Baka Usagi,” Yuu mumbled. “You’re fine.”
“Well, what about you, then, hmmm?” Lavi asked, trying to pout again, though
worry shone through his one eye as well.
Yuu shrugged and immediately regretted it as his shoulders cracked resoundingly
and painfully. He hissed in discomfort and rolled them to get the kinks out.
“How long?” He asked.
“It’s the fourth, so about… a day and a half, I think,” the President
commented. Yuu made a contemplative grunt in the back of his throat.
“So what are ya doin’?” Lavi asked, throwing back the covers and getting out of
the bed. He walked over and made to grab the laptop, though Obama placed a hand
atop the machine.
“Writing a Bill,” he said nonchalantly.
“Oooh, interesting! I’d love to see the legislative process—never got to see it
what with all the fucking war—oh, sorry, sir, didn’t mean to make a nasty word
there.” Lavi’s smile grew to dazzling proportions, and despite his ridiculous
words, Yuu had to admit Lavi looked very good with such a large, genuine look
on his face. For the first time, Yuu understood why he may have wanted to
become a Bookman.
Still, he had to keep the idiot in check, so he got up, being careful to still
cover his chest, and walked over to Lavi, slapping him upside the head. “Stop
being an idiot,” he ordered, scowling.
“But Yuu!” Lavi complained, turning to look at him with a pitying gaze that
didn’t affect Yuu at all. Well, maybe a little, but he wouldn’t tell the rabbit
that.
“No, shut up!” Yuu insisted. Lavi suddenly got a determined look on his face,
and before Yuu could stop it, the redhead had thrown himself into the Japanese
man’s arms, forcing him to drop the pillow. Somehow—Yuu wasn’t quite sure
how—Lavi clambered over and onto his back, squeezing his neck too tightly. “Get
off, Baka!” He yelled, swiping behind him at Lavi’s face.
“Are you two… actually together?” The President asked, sounding confused.
“’Course we are, Mr. Prez, that’s just how Yuu-chan flirts with me.”
“I’m not flirting with you, I’m trying to get you to stop strangling me, you
idiot!”
Lavi jumped off immediately, though he quickly slid his arms around Yuu’s
stomach, holding himself very close. Perhaps too close. But Yuu was beyond
that, and this was Lavi, so it was okay. The chains began to rattle again,
though they held strong.
“Anyway, what’s the Bill for?” Lavi asked. Though Yuu couldn’t see, he was sure
Lavi’s eye was still shining with that interesting light that he’d never seen
before.
“Sorry—you’ll have to wait to find out,” the American President said, grimacing
apologetically. Lavi pouted.
“When are we leaving?” Yuu asked suddenly. “Provided that Moyashi hasn’t died
yet.”
“Moyashi?” The President questioned.
“That’s Yuu’s name for Allen, ‘cause when he met ‘im, he was short and skinny,
like a bean sprout!” Lavi exclaimed, squeezing Yuu a bit and making him realize
how hungry he was. He could use a good bowl of soba noodles. He missed their
warmth, though Lavi’s warmth was good, too, he supposed. Not that he would
admit that. Ever.
“He left the door in my office open for you,” the President said. “And Mr.
Kanda, do you want a shirt?”
Yuu was surprised at the question, but he found himself nodding gratefully. He
didn’t want everyone to see. It was proof that his Lotus spell was wearing off,
and he didn’t like the pitying stares he would invariably receive.
The shirt was big on him. The shirt was big on him, but he didn’t mind. Slowly,
he and Lavi stepped through the Ark’s door and walked back to their room. They
passed Lenalee on the way, and she came up to them, smiling. Yuu did something
very new and hugged her. She seemed surprised, though she took it with good
grace, her smile growing and her eyes twinkling.
“I’m glad to see you two are okay,” she said, walking off, presumably to find
Moyashi.
When they got back to their room, Yuu found a hideous orange shag rug on the
ground. Turning to glare at Lavi, he saw his—his lover had a sheepish grin on.
Glaring angrily, he waited for Lavi to turn tail and run. But he didn’t.
Instead, he went up and hugged Yuu, pulling him very tenderly toward him. Yuu
didn’t fight the embrace, even if it was atop that stupid burnt orange rug of
death.
They stood like that for a while, time passing like the sigh of the wind by the
sea, a sun high in the sky and warming them both. Lavi leaned in once or twice,
placing lips on strange parts of his face—like his nose or his chin. During the
entire time, Yuu simply stood there, feet nestled in the ugly orange rug, and
held Lavi as if to convince himself that the other man really was there. When
Lavi finally stepped back, Yuu reluctantly let go, his shoulders cracking
painfully once more.
Lavi looked at him, his eye filled with concern. “You okay?” He asked. Yuu
nodded, but Lavi frowned, scowling just a little bit. Yuu didn’t want to admit
it, but when Lavi was pretending to be angry, it was kind of… cute.
“You’re not okay. Please, Yuu, let me help,” Lavi implored, fixing his
beseeching eye with Yuu’s. The chains buckled slightly, but they held as usual.
“I—fine, whatever, rabbit,” he said, turning away so he wouldn’t have to face
the other man.
Lavi extricated himself completely from Yuu’s arms, moving behind him before he
knew where the stupid rabbit had gone. Soft, warm hands gently fell on his
shoulders, and Yuu couldn’t help but tense a bit under the feather-light
weight. “What…?” He started. Lavi pulled him back, driving him just slightly
off balance, forcing him to take a step back, followed by another and then
another. He yanked back harder, and then they were sitting on the bed. Lavi
pushed him down and to the side, and suddenly, Yuu’s face was stuffed in the
mattress.
“You may want to move your head, Yuu, or you may suffocate or somethin’,” Lavi
said almost breezily. His hands were still on the Japanese man’s shoulders,
only the touch had gotten heavier. He ran his hands slowly up and down the
length of Yuu’s scarred back several times.
“Lavi, what are you—”
“Be quiet, ne?” Lavi whispered in his ear. Yuu jumped a bit in surprise. When
had Lavi bent down? But that was distracting him from the tantalizing hands
that were making their teasing way to his sides. Lavi whispered something in a
strange language, but Yuu didn’t care because Lavi was being completely unfair.
There was warm breath swirling around in the vast cavity of his ear, and those
hands were working their way to the front, undoing the buttons of his borrowed
shirt.
“Lavi,” Yuu growled, trying to sound menacing, but then the shirt was gone and
Lavi’s hands were on his back…
It didn’t matter that he was horrifically scarred, it didn’t matter that every
touch reminded him of the belt-turned-whip, it didn’t matter because Lavi’s
touch was gentle and soft and very, very nice. It was warm. Even in the cool
air of the room, Lavi’s hands were warm as they swept frivolously across his
back, making a mockery of the pain that had once been felt. Gradually, he began
to add pressure until he was digging deeply into each gnarled knot in Yuu’s
back.
“Jesus Christ, Yuu! You feel like a cancer patient!” Lavi complained, shaking
his hands out for the third time.
“…I don’t comprehend,” Yuu said, not following Lavi’s thought process. That
wasn’t unusual, though.
“I mean, you’re filled with knots… it’s like… you’ve got tumors or somethin’!”
Lavi explained. Yuu resisted the urge to take his arm that was hanging off the
bed and slap it into his face. “Seriously, Yuu, you’re gonna get osteoporosis
and shrink.”
Yuu didn’t know what to make of that. “Doesn’t that… have nothing to do with
knots?” He asked, confused.
“Hmm, well, yeah, but you need to relax!”
“Che.” The response still worked for everything.
“Well, at least don’t train for so long,” Lavi said, returning his hands to
Yuu’s back and beginning to massage it again.
“Che. You’re just saying that because you want to spend more time with me,” Yuu
said dismissively.
“Well, yes, that too,” Lavi said sheepishly. “Though you do need to take it
easy. Yuu, it’s not healthy to have so many knots in your back. If the Old
Panda were here, he’d—”
“—Hit you over the head and tell you to stop caring so damn much,” Yuu
interrupted, finishing Lavi’s thought in what he thought was a realistic way.
From the sudden tension in Lavi’s hands and arms as well as the sudden ceasing
of movements, Yuu felt he’d hit a sore point.
“Yeah, well… He’d also tell you that you need to stretch a bit more, regardless
of if I loved you or not,” he commented sadly. Yuu felt the sudden urge to
apologize, but he held back. Instead, he took his other hand, the one that was
now pillowing his face, and stretched it back until he found one of Lavi’s
hands and was holding it firmly. “You’re mean, Yuu-chan,” Lavi said, but there
was no menace in it.
Yuu rolled over so that he was on his back, facing Lavi. “But you don’t care,”
he said slowly.
Lavi shook his head. “No, it must be stupid of me, but I don’t.”
Yuu smiled triumphantly. It was a small smile. But Lavi saw it anyway. Yuu
didn’t even react as Lavi pressed himself down, running his arms around Yuu’s
chest in a tight embrace. It was the first time that he hadn’t thought of his
father for a split-second after Lavi started touching him.
“You are very clingy today,” he commented, wrapping his arms around Lavi’s
muscled waist.
“I thought I lost you,” Lavi whispered quietly, once again speaking in Yuu’s
ear. It struck him that Lavi’s voice sounded doleful, as if he was holding back
tears. He felt something strange on his face and realized with horror that a
tear was tracking its way down. He held Lavi tighter, pulling him as close as
physically possible. And suddenly, that wasn’t enough. Lavi pulled back
momentarily, looking at Yuu with a shining eye—whether from tears or from some
unnamed emotion Yuu didn’t know—and then he crushed his lips down onto Yuu’s
with alarming intensity.
And they made it be enough. Damn physics to hell, they made it be enough.
***** Once Upon a December *****
Chapter_27—Once_Upon_a_December
December 7, 2013—Washington, DC
It was snowing out, large fluffy flakes that descended mystically from the
heavens. All around them was ice from the storm the previous night. Though it
had calmed enough for them to be out, Allen still felt a prickle of worry in
the back of his head that perhaps they shouldn’t be. But Lenalee looked happy
for the first time in weeks, smiling and joking with Amanda.
“Ne, Yuu, look at how the street lights shine off the ice on the trees,” Lavi
said, grabbing Kanda’s hand and pointing at one tree in particular.
“Yes, it’s very nice, now can we keep moving?” Kanda said curtly, wrenching his
hand from Lavi’s.
“Ah, c’mon! I’m tryin’ to make a romantic mood here!” Lavi complained, catching
up with the dark-haired man. Allen laughed. It was such a stereotypical scene
between the two. He supposed they deserved to be normal for a bit, as they
still hadn’t recovered completely from their captivity. They didn’t mention it,
but Road had been in tears when she’d confided in him about their dreams, and
Allen himself had heard them screaming at night. He saw the light emanate from
their room though the rest of the Ark was completely dark. It was sad,
actually, that his friends—and he grudgingly included Kanda in that group—were
so traumatized. He wanted to help, but that wasn’t something he was in the
position to do. Kanda and Lavi could take care of each other, just like he and
Lenalee did for the other. A symbiotic relationship, Amanda had called it.
“Che.”
Though Kanda’s response was short and was supposed to be harsh, Allen saw the
older man wait for Lavi to catch him up and reach his hand over in the tiny
space between them.
“I’m so glad they seem better,” Lenalee said from next to him, making Allen
jump.
“When did you get right next to me?” He asked, though he didn’t mind.
Lenalee giggled and linked her arm in his. “You should pay attention, Allen,
there could be Akuma around.”
Allen knew she was joking—there hadn’t been an Akuma sighting since October.
They hadn’t done anything since Artemis had died. It was actually very
infuriating. For the first time since he’d joined the war, Allen felt
spectacularly useless. It also made him nervous. Just what was the Earl
planning?
“Oh, this looks like a good shop! Miranda, will you come in with me? You too,
Lenalee! The rest of you, stay the fuck out!” Amanda called, pointing toward a
store with an inordinate amount of lacy lingerie and pink items. Miranda looked
horrified, but Lolek ushered her in, looking quite at home.
“What?” He said, looking offended at the girls’ stares. “I had a twin sister.
She dragged me here all the time.”
“You’ll see what we get later, when Miranda shows it off for you—now get!”
Amanda ordered, gesturing for Lolek to stop following. He retreated back,
coming to stand next to Allen.
“Women,” he muttered, “you’ll never understand them, no matter how long you
live.”
Allen nodded gravely. It was true.
“That’s why you should try men—they’re much less complicated—OW! Yuu-chan, what
was that for?”
Allen laughed as Lavi was hit over the head with the flat of Mugen’s blade.
Shaking his head, he took a look around at the evening crowd. They had decided
to go Christmas shopping, seeing as they had had nothing better to do.
Surveying the obviously human passersby, Allen could tell why. Where had all
the Akuma gone?
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Darcy, Lolek, and Lavi start a snowball
fight, with Kanda joining in once the three of them had teamed up against him,
pelting him with their white bullets. Many of the tiny, packed snowballs went
wide, hitting increasingly annoyed-looking people. A particularly bulky one
turned to glare at Allen, and suddenly, his insides turned to ice.
“Crowned Clown! Activate!” He shouted, already pulling at his left wrist to
form his broadsword. His Innocence was camouflaged in the snowy evening, but
its golden shine attracted the attention of the roughhousing Exorcists just a
meter or two away.
“Extend!” Lavi shouted, and the pole of his hammer slammed into the bulky man’s
side.
Because as soon as Allen had turned to attack the man, they’d all realized who
he was. The man who had killed who knew how many comrades, the man who had
killed Artemis. Chaz Gaffigan—Noah’s Strength.
He smiled widely before swinging his arm heavily into Allen’s chest, sending
him flying. Throwing out a Clown Belt, Allen steadied himself on top of a
street lamp and looked down at the scene. A green-glowing discus flew from
inside the frilly shop, quickly followed by its owner, who was dressed in a
bustier of all things. Lenalee followed, wearing only a—Allen forced his eyes
away, focusing instead on the Noah who was quickly approaching.
“Get away from my Allen!” Lenalee shouted, launching a kick that knocked
Strength’s aim off. He hit a pedestrian instead, splitting the poor man’s skull
in half as they toppled to the snow- and ice-covered concrete.
Allen jumped down from the lamppost, and the circle of Exorcists condensed.
Allen noted a hint of panic in the American Noah’s features, but he stood
strong. Full strength, he told his Innocence, and it flared a bright, bright
gold. Lenalee nodded at him, and a moment later, hers was shining just as
magnificently.
“Mugen,” Kanda said from somewhere near Allen, “Hatsudou. Kaichuu: Ichigen!”
Several of Kanda’s Hell’s Insects swarmed over, biting at the Noah as he
attempted to avoid them.
“Moyashi!” Kanda shouted, and Allen got the message. Nodding gravely, he
charged forward, sword held strongly in his only hand, wrist level, just as
Kanda had taught him. His arm strained at the weight, and though his blade
lightened in response, Allen still felt the incredible force underneath all the
bulk.
It missed the Noah by centimeters. Allen cursed and scrambled to change
directions, but Lenalee was already running for another attack. Time rods came
from nowhere, along with Amanda’s discus, and Lenalee swooped into a back flip,
kicking them forward, forcing them to become faster. A moment later, she was
back on her path, following the others’ attacks with a kick that would likely
incapacitate the Noah at the very least.
A fire seal rained from the sky, and though the Noah dodged the time and the
discus and even Lenalee—he was quite limber for such a hulking individual—he
could not avoid Lavi’s attack. Screaming in sudden pain, the Noah retreated,
grabbing a woman and punching her through the chest. He ripped her heart out in
a grotesque, bloody geyser. Allen looked on in shock. Was he really that angry?
Regardless, the Noah got away before Allen and the others could pursue him.
Lolek stood on the pavement, looking confused at his sister’s killer’s bloody
retreat. His gauntlets were green with activation, but he stared on as if not
knowing what to do. He gazed down blankly at his gauntlets, and as Miranda
approached him, he finally looked up, a haunted expression marring his face.
She looped an arm around his back, and he responded by placing one over her
shoulder. Lolek then surprised them all by pulling Miranda into an all-
encompassing hug. She stammered out apologies, but he only silenced her by
burying her head in his chest. He was shaking, and Allen quickly created a
door.
“Amanda,” he said, “go pay for those and then come back with us.
“Er, Allen,” Lenalee said shyly, tugging at his shirt. “Can I go and change
back?”
For the first time, Allen got a good look at her. A blush rose immediately to
his cheeks. Lenalee had always shown her legs, despite society’s norms, but
this was… well, it was underwear, quite honestly. Allen had seen Lenalee in
underwear, too—they did room together, it was bound to happen—but once again,
it was nothing like this. This was lacy and frilly and… sexy.
“Er—yeah—go ahead, Lenalee,” he stammered. He heard Lavi snickering behind him,
and once Lenalee was out of sight, he flipped the annoying redhead off.
“That wounds my soul, Allen,” Lavi said, clutching his chest dramatically as he
came into sight, Kanda just behind him. The Hell’s Insects reformed into his
blade before he let it deactivate.
---
December 23, 2013—United Nations Building, New York
Lolek stared down at the letter with shaking hands. He’d received it the day
before but hadn’t been able to open it. Sighing, he made to flip it open, but
he lost his nerve again. He knew it shouldn’t affect him so much, especially
with Lolle gone, but seeing his mother’s handwriting again after so many years
had shaken him.
He assumed she’d found out from the documentary they’d filmed and previewed on
CNN. Presumably, it had been translated into the many languages of the Earth.
Germany would have played it, too, so it really shouldn’t have been so
surprising to get this letter. After all, they’d put his full name, and he’d
mentioned Lolle—not by name, no, but he’d mentioned a sister all the same. Just
thinking about her still hurt, but the edge seemed to be gone. He no longer
felt like he was drifting. He had an anchor now, maybe. Still, there was
something about losing his twin that hurt him beyond repair. It had been a
year, and the bitter tears he’d shed for her would never wash away.
“You should just open it,” Miranda said, coming up beside him. Lolek wasn’t
sure, but he thought Miranda was looking a bit depressed as of late. He’d known
for a long time that there was some deep hurt that he could never touch. He
also knew that she was hiding something from him. But it didn’t matter, because
she was there at his side, and he could never dwell on it when she was there.
“Very well, mein Liebchen,” he said, smiling at her lightly and tearing through
the sealed fold of the envelope.
-
My Dearest Lolek and Lolle,
I’ve only just discovered that you two were still alive. I know you have that
fancy Ark from the documentary they showed, and I’d be very happy if the two of
you would come to visit me. I’d love to see my babies at least once.
Love,
Mutti
-
He hadn’t even realized the tears were falling before they were smearing the
short note. Miranda hugged him around the stomach, and he used her silent
strength to regain his composure. Wrapping his arms around her slim waist, he
picked her up—he was a good foot taller than her—and held her close. She took
her arms from their now pinned position, placing them lightly around his neck.
She smiled down at him.
“I think you should go visit,” she said quietly. Lolek nodded in resignation.
“Only if you come with me, Miranda,” he said, matching her volume.
Stepping out of the Ark’s newest portal five minutes later, Lolek sighed.
“Mutti?” Lolek called, walking into his childhood home, Miranda on his arm. An
older woman turned the corner and stared almost wonderingly at the two of them.
Her graying hair showed hints of once being blonde, and her eyes still shone
out the same blue as Lolek’s own. He and Lolle had both looked so much like her
that they had often teased that their father was adopted. It was a stupid joke,
but it was theirs.
“Lolek?” She asked disbelievingly, her voice coming out breathless and shocked.
She ran forward, throwing her arms around him. Lolek began to choke.
“Mutti, you’re choking me,” he gagged in German, trying to push her away. She
wouldn’t budge. Miranda stood off to the side, somewhat ignored (though not by
Lolek).
“Oh, Lolek, look how much you’ve grown! You must be over six feet, at least!
Where’s Lolle? How are you both doing?” His mother asked. Lolek froze at the
last two questions.
“Mutti, she’s… Lolle, she’s…” His voice wafted off into the air, and Lolek
looked imploringly at Miranda. She shook her head and gestured for him to
continue. “…Dead,” he finished.
His mother gasped. “Lolek! Lolle… when?” She asked, obviously trying not to
burst into immediate tears. Miranda looked away, and Lolek assumed it was
because she felt she was prying. She cast her gaze around, eventually coming to
stare at the doodle of the sausage that Lolle had scribbled on the wall. With a
twinge, Lolek realized his mother had never had the heart to scrub it away. It
had been scrawled on the wall only two days before the Order had taken him and
Lolle.
“A bit over a year ago,” Lolek replied in a hollow voice, trying to forget the
sausage. In his distraction, he didn’t realize he’d switched back to English.
Miranda looked back at him and came to his side, gently prying his mother’s
restraining arm from one side and attaching herself there instead. Shaking his
mother off, he pulled back a bit.
“Oh, who is this?” His mother asked, noticing Miranda for the first time. She
spoke in English, obviously assuming Miranda couldn’t understand.
“This is Miranda Lotto, my girlfriend,” he said, pulling Miranda just a little
bit closer. They both blushed a bit.
“Oh, Lolek, she’s so beautiful! She’s definitely a keeper!” His mother
exclaimed, seeming glad for the distraction.
“I’m sorry, but I can understand you,” Miranda said, raising a hand slightly.
“Oh, she’s German, too? Lolek, she’s perfect!” His mother continued. Lolek
blushed, and his mother had the grace to look slightly abashed.
“I know she’s a keeper, Mutti,” he said quietly into his mother’s ear as he
hugged her again.
“Well, you must stay for lunch,” she insisted, pulling them further into the
house.
Miranda opened her mouth, and Lolek pointed at it firmly. “No.”
“But I’m—”
“Don’t say it, Miranda.”
“But—”
“Miranda! You don’t need to.”
“But I’m sorry!” She finally cried. Lolek smiled down at her fondly, shaking
his head and placing a kiss on the crown of her head atop her beautiful, dark
brown hair. He leaned down, putting his mouth to her ear.
“I loves you,” he whispered so his mother couldn’t hear. Miranda blushed. Lolek
did, too.
---
December 24, 2013—Allen’s Ark
It wasn’t a happy day, as much as everyone wanted to pretend it was. The Ark
was decked out with stupid streamers, wreaths, and that goddamned mistletoe
that Lavi kept wanting to kiss under. Yuu sighed and moved on, stalking the
more deserted alleyways of the outer city, not particularly wanting company.
He’d told Lavi that he was going to train, that he didn’t want company, and
that Lavi was, under no circumstance, to follow him. The redhead had been less
clingy over the past week or so, for which Yuu was thankful, though he had to
admit he missed it. Just a little bit, though. A very tiny, little bit.
It was very hard to be around Lavi, though, because every time Lavi said those
three annoying words, Yuu couldn’t say them back, as much as he wanted to. And
he did want to. The chains in his mind just wouldn’t budge again, and he felt
completely useless fighting against them.
He came across a little alcove with a deep-set windowsill. He meant to pass it,
but then he saw Miranda. They had become friends of sorts back when she’d been
with—
Yuu didn’t want to think about that, not until he’d found a good place to stew
in his misery.
“Oh, Kanda-kun, I didn’t see you there, were you taking a walk around the Ark?”
She asked, not looking at him and playing with the simple gold band on her left
middle finger. Yuu wondered when she’d moved it there.
“Didn’t really want company,” he said in a low voice.
“Me neither—that’s why I’m hiding,” she responded, sounding as forlorn as he
felt.
“Can’t be around your German?” He asked.
“He’s Polish,” Miranda said, smiling wryly at him. Yuu knew how much effort it
took for her to even try to crack a joke at this time. Perhaps she was getting
better after all?
“Well, I can’t be around my mutt right now, so—”
“I thought you called him your rabbit.”
Yuu thought about it for a second. “That’s true. But he’s a racial mutt—well,
today he is, anyway.”
Miranda looked at him questioningly. Yes, she had curiosity. She was definitely
healing, although she obviously wasn’t healed completely, or she wouldn’t be
here moping—just like him.
“You are funny, Kanda-kun. You always pretend not to care, but you do. I envy
you sometimes. You can express yourself so well, even though you try not to.”
Yuu snorted. “No, I can’t.”
“Of course you can. You don’t apologize for every little thing, quite the
contr—”
“Not in the way that matters.”
Miranda’s face softened. “Come sit next to me,” she said, gesturing for him to
join her on the sill. Uneasily, Yuu sat down. There wasn’t much room, so their
shoulders ended up touching. It was okay, though. Yuu could handle that much
contact. After Miranda had thrown herself on him, he felt he could survive
anything from her.
They sat in silence for a while, just looking into whatever room the window was
connected to. Eventually, Miranda cleared her throat. “I think yours will
understand,” she said. “Mine… I don’t think I could even tell him.”
“That makes two of us,” Yuu said, snorting almost derisively, though he had
meant it to be ironic. Miranda placed a hand on his knee, which was bent toward
the ceiling, as they had such little room.
“You still really miss him, don’t you?” He added after a while. Miranda nodded,
pain clouding her eyes. It was raw, emotional pain, and though it usually made
Yuu uncomfortable, it was okay if it was Miranda. She had been like a sister to
him, after all. She still was.
He still remembered the day Tiedoll had—but he didn’t want to think about that.
Today was a day about grieving the lost, not remembering petty little snippets
of half-forgotten scenes.
“You do, too—both of them,” Miranda stated. Yuu nodded as well, and they lapsed
into silence once more. Again, Miranda began playing with the band on her
middle finger, twisting at it and running it up and down her finger in a way
Yuu had never seen before.
“Yes,” he said. It was the first time he’d ever admitted it, even though they’d
died years ago.
He heard a shifting of fabric from somewhere far away, and when he looked in
his peripheral vision, he saw Miranda’s German. He decided it was time to take
his leave. He’d need somewhere else to angst. He placed a hand on her shoulder.
“You’re much more sociable again—I’m glad you seem to be getting better. That’s
how Marie would have wanted it,” he said, walking off. He passed Lolek, giving
him nothing more than a cursory nod, and decided that it was rabbit hunting
time. Perhaps he needed someone to grieve with, too. And if Lavi got too
annoying, Yuu would throw him out the window with his new orange carpet.
---
December 24, 2013—Allen’s Ark
“You still really miss him, don’t you?” Kanda-kun asked her, his voice raw with
an emotion Miranda had never heard from him before. It was for this reason that
she really appreciated his relationship with Lavi. Never before had he been so…
open, and it was very good for him. She hoped he continued on this path. It
would do him well. Years ago, he never would have asked about her well-being.
“You do, too—both of them,” Miranda told him. She had seen his face when they’d
found out, she’d seen how it had shut down completely, all thoughts of a scowl
lost in his all-encompassing grief. Though Kanda-kun said he trusted no one,
she knew deep down that he was lying to himself. He had obviously trusted and
possibly loved his General and Noise very, very much.
She continued to play with the simple golden band around her left middle
finger. She hadn’t been able to force herself to put it on her right, so she’d
had it resized, just slightly, in order to hold on to it. It was one of the
many things of their time together that she still couldn’t let go of.
“Yes,” Kanda-kun replied, his voice hoarse. She wondered if he was holding back
the emotion that really wanted to come out. It was alright to do that, though,
since he’d gotten so much better.
Suddenly, she felt Kanda-kun shift, and he actually placed a hand on her
shoulder. It was the first contact between them that he’d ever initiated,
though it wasn’t the first one he’d allowed. Miranda’s heart stirred guiltily
as she remembered how she’d clung to the reluctant boy back when it had
happened.
“You’re much more sociable again—I’m glad you seem to be getting better.” It
was Kanda-kun’s voice, and at first, Miranda couldn’t believe she was hearing
his words correctly. She wanted to apologize and ask him politely to say it
again, but he continued on. His words were no lies to her ears. “That’s how
Marie would have wanted it,” he concluded, and he walked off. Miranda followed
him with her eyes, stunned at his admission of compassion. Yes, his
relationship with Lavi was very good for him. Her eyes widened a bit when she
saw his company, though. Lolek, the man she’d been avoiding, was there, and he
was staring at her in disbelief, his sparkling blue eyes shining with hurt.
He approached as if shocked, as if he had seen something completely forbidden.
“You…? And Kanda?” He asked, his voice dry.
Miranda stared blankly. What? She didn’t understand. Should she ask him to say
it again?
“Miranda, you’re… with Kanda?” He clarified, dumbfounded.
Miranda couldn’t help it. She laughed. “That’s ridiculous, Lolek!” She
chuckled, waving a hand at him. As always, Lolek could make her laugh, even
when she was at her most miserable.
“Then what were you two doing out here, alone?” He demanded, now sounding quite
angry.
“Well, as you said, everyone has a day that they deserve to be sad,” Miranda
said, sobering. As usual, Lolek had made her forget her sorrows, but today she
didn’t want that.
Her comment stopped Lolek short, though, and he paused when he was only a meter
from the windowsill where Miranda sat. “Wha—Miranda, what are you talking
about?” He asked, moving forward again until he was towering over her.
Miranda didn’t look at him. “We both have a reason to be sad today. We met by
coincidence. Kanda-kun… was just trying to cheer me up, in his own way. He’s
like my brother—or, well, my brother-in-law, though that never happened.” She
grimaced sadly, and a tear fell from her eye.
“In-law?” Lolek staggered back a step, but Miranda reached out, breaking her
hunched-over position, and pulled him back. She suddenly needed his presence
very, very much. “I don’t understand. Kanda doesn’t have any siblings, does
he?”
Miranda chuckled mirthlessly. “I was engaged to Noise Marie, who was like a
brother to him. He, along with General Tiedoll, were the two people he trusted
the most. When they both died—today is the anniversary—it was a big blow for us
both.”
“En… engaged?” Lolek stammered. He sat on the edge of the sill, looking
somewhat blanched.
With slow movements, Miranda twisted the ring until it slid off her finger.
Without a noise, she placed it in front of her on the windowsill, offering it
to him with a silent promise: I no longer dwell on it.
Lolek looked down at the ring and then back up to her, eyebrows knitted and
eyes terribly confused. “I don’t…”
“Noise and I had a good time. I really loved him. But he’s not here anymore,
and you are, and I loves you now,” Miranda said, looking straight into Lolek’s
blue eyes.
He breathed an almost invisible sigh that Miranda almost missed. “Will you tell
me about it?” He asked cautiously, and Miranda nodded.
---
The first time they’d kissed had been a miracle unto itself. Noise was a shy
man, a man of few words, and Miranda was far too timid to take matters into her
own hands. But it had happened, and that was all that had mattered. It didn’t
take them long to start sneaking out of the Order at night for secret dates.
Akuma never attacked them—they wore street clothes. On the occasion that they
would be attacked, they both had their Innocence at the ready. It wasn’t a
shock when they both fell in love. They were a perfect team, flawless and
determined. They brought each other out of their shells, and Miranda herself
gained confidence. People had called them the perfect couple, had smiled down
at them with knowing expressions.
Noise led her down the corridor and up to the secret room they had found. They
entered quietly and closed the door behind them. Miranda gasped as she viewed
the room. The interior was decorated with a spread of candles and a small
table, lit similarly. It was far different from the blank room they used every
other night, despite the simplicity of its décor. It felt warmer, more
inviting, and almost heart-breakingly romantic.
They ate a quiet dinner. They were both quiet individuals naturally, so this
wasn’t uncommon. Still, Miranda felt that they ate in a very comfortable
silence, just as was usual.
At the end of the dinner, Noise seemed to get nervous, but as Miranda got up,
he seemed to steel his nerve. He reached out for her hand with the one that was
missing two fingers. He looked—or rather faced, as he couldn’t actually see—at
her and gently swept a piece of hair away from her face. And then he got down
on one knee, and Miranda knew what was coming next. Her heart swelled with joy.
“M-Miranda, will you… after this all over… come with me and maybe… marry me?”
“I willdefinitely—”
“Che. Tiedoll’s going to have a field day,” said a sarcastic voice from the
door. Looking over, horrified, Miranda saw Kanda-kun standing in the open door
frame, a mat beneath one arm and a hateful look on his face.
“I’m sorry!!” Miranda said, pulling her hand from Noise’s in order to bow low
to the young man who’d just entered. She felt strong arms pull her back into an
equally strong chest.
“Don’t apologize to that immature brat, Miranda. I can tell he’s really happy.”
“Che. I’m just a bit surprised.”
“Everyone in the Order knows about—”
“I’m not an idiot, Marie, I know that. I’m just surprised to see you in the
room I use to meditate. Get out. Go tell Tiedoll or something, just leave,”
Kanda-kun ordered.
“I didn’t even get her answer—which is your fault,” Marie grunted, sounding
annoyed.
“Yes, you did, or are you deaf, too?” Kanda-kun countered. Miranda looked back
and forth between the fighting pair. They were acting just like brothers. It
was cute, almost. Miranda hadn’t realized this relationship before.
“Well, I’m apparently going to have Kanda-kun as my brother-in-law, then,”
Miranda chirped, trying to smile despite Kanda-kun’s terrifying glare.
Noise’s smile was worth every word.
---
“But we didn’t stay happy. I mean, we did, but then he died. On December
twenty-fourth, in ’87, they died. It may be ancient history to you, but to me,
this is the third year since then. After you love someone that much, it tears
you apart when they die. You know, Kanda-kun let me cry on him that day?”
Lolek made an interested noise. He hadn’t thought that Kanda actually had a
good side in him for anyone besides Lavi. Even if he’d just thought that Kanda
and Miranda had been having an affair. It sounded ridiculous, looking at it
now, but he’d never seen Kanda be kind to Miranda before—not like that—so he’d
jumped to a stupid conclusion.
“Well, actually, it was a week later. Before that, it just hadn’t hit. Even at
the funeral, it hadn’t—I just didn’t really comprehend that he was gone until…
until New Years, when I realized we wouldn’t be… together anymore,” Miranda
confessed. Lolek pulled her closer as tears started forming and falling in
rapid succession. She cried into his chest for a long time.
“I feel the same way,” Lolek admitted. “About Lolle, I mean. I still feel like
she’ll just walk around the corner, smiling in that way she always did, and
say, ‘hey, Lolek, you sausage!’”
Miranda choked out a guffaw. “Sau—sausage?” She asked, horrified.
Lolek chuckled a bit himself. “Yeah, it’s ‘cause one time, when we were kids, I
ate thirty sausages in one sitting. She joked that I’d turn into one if I kept
eating them. Then the entire family started calling me that.”
“So that explains the doodle of the sausage on the wall…” Miranda wondered
aloud.
“Yeah,” Lolek said, grinning sadly. “Lolle drew it a couple days before we were
taken by—”
And then the levee broke, and her death hit Lolek with the force of a tsunami.
But Miranda was there, and he used her as his anchor, his lighthouse, until the
worst of the storm had passed over.
---
A knock echoed into the room, raising Lavi from a dazed sleep. He blinked a
couple times, trying to jostle the haze of dreams away. Sitting up slowly, he
squinted at the door. It was still strange for Lavi to awaken to a perpetually
sunny and warm room, even in the depths of winter.
“Lavi, Kanda-kun!” Lenalee called, knocking again.
“Comin’,” Lavi groaned, pulling back the sheets and putting on the nearest pair
of pants that he was sure belonged to him—he’d once accidentally thrown Yuu’s
on, and that had not been pleasant. For either of them. Opening the door, he
saw the Chinese girl’s smiling face. She was carrying a large pile of laundry
that was dwarfing her slim form.
“Oh, hey, Lavi!” She said cheerfully. “I have Kanda-kun’s laundry here. I’m
doing your load next, so if you just wait an hour or two, I’ll have yours, too.
Would you mind putting those away for me, though?”
Lavi nodded. Lenalee and a couple of the soldiers had taken over the laundry
after the loss of the cleaning staff, most of whom hadn’t joined them on the
Ark. They were very efficient, and they got it done in a timely fashion,
something Lavi wasn’t used to. It was definitely better than having to do them
himself.
Grabbing the clothes from Lenalee, he threw them on the bed and began to sort
them out. He didn’t know which drawers held which of Yuu’s clothes. Actually,
that was a lie. He grabbed all of Yuu’s tight, clean-smelling shirts and
refolded them before placing them in the top drawer. In the second drawer, he
added a fair amount of pants. The underwear he left alone, simply because Yuu
would kill him, lover or not, for touching them. He had some socks left over,
though. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t know where Yuu got his socks
from, which was surprising in itself. He opened the bottom drawer just to see.
But they weren’t there.
There was nothing in the bottom drawer.
Except the Lotus Flower. Lavi looked at it without meaning to. Yuu had put it
away, claiming it ruined the atmosphere of the room and that he didn’t want to
be reminded of his mortality. But something about its appearance was off.
Inspecting it more closely, he saw immediately what the problem was. Three and
a half almost-pink petals drooped a little on the stem of the withering Lotus
Flower. But that was wrong. Looking it over again, Lavi recounted. But the
result was the same. Yuu had told him there were four left.
Closing the drawer and sitting on the bed, Lavi thought. This meant that Yuu
was either unaware of this change or that he was lying to Lavi. Judging by how
more scars still hadn’t appeared since the head injury, Lavi felt inclined to
choose the latter, though he really didn’t want to. The idea of Yuu lying to
him was so ridiculous, so outrageous that it couldn’t possibly be true. Could
it?
Yuu walked in, scowling and looking particularly surly. It could. He sat down
on the bed next to Lavi and collapsed onto him, resting a tired head on Lavi’s
shoulder. Lavi stiffened. He hadn’t thought through it all yet. He didn’t want
to make false allegations. On the other hand, though, if he was right…
But the fact remained that he didn’t want to be right. If Yuu was lying about
this, it was very likely that he was hiding something else, too. Lavi was
scared. For the first time in a very long time, Lavi felt fear, and it was the
worst kind of dread, wondering if his lover was being honest or not. He didn’t
mention it, though. He simply held Yuu until the man stood up and muttered
something about wanting to get dinner.
Lavi didn’t notice Yuu’s strange look at him as he got up. He was too worried
about the implications of what he had seen. He could barely concentrate on the
present at all, let alone stay as observant as he usually was. He stumbled once
on the way to the cafeteria, eliciting a look that he saw this time. He smiled
at Yuu, though he knew it didn’t reach his eyes. He was still thinking.
They ate in silence, something unusual for them, but Yuu didn’t seem
particularly talkative either, so Lavi didn’t think it was that much of a
problem. As they were walking back, though, Lavi’s thoughts lined up, and he
suddenly needed to express himself.
“Yuu, you don’t lie to me, right?” He asked, and Yuu tensed, his gait pausing
for just a moment.
“No, Lavi. The only times I lie are when I’m trying to hide my emotions. You
know that,” Yuu said dismissively, but Lavi still had that nagging feeling.
“Then why are there only three and a half petals on the Lotus Flower?” Lavi
countered. Yuu froze completely this time and wheeled around to stare at Lavi,
anger masking his usual expression.
“You looked in my drawer?” He hissed in silent fury. Lavi flinched but didn’t
back down. Yuu had given the wrong response. His eyes hadn’t widened in panic,
his expression hadn’t become intensely worried, and he hadn’t run straight for
the room, just to check. Instead, he was angry that Lavi had looked in his
drawer, of all things.
“Well, I was putting away your laundry,” Lavi said, not mentioning his
conclusion. Yuu seemed to note, a second too late, that he should have reacted
differently. His face turned to an obviously acted shock. His eyes widened, but
his pupils didn’t dilate. He ran to the room, but it was too slow to be
reality. Lavi jogged after him. He could only think one thing: why?
He entered the room, where Yuu was sitting on the ground, drawer open,
hourglass in hand. He stared at it angrily, another bad sign. He should have
been absolutely panicked.
“Why did you lie, Yuu?” Lavi asked softly. Yuu balked but didn’t look up at
him.
“I didn’t,” he whispered unconvincingly. Lavi was starting to get angry.
“Yuu,” Lavi said, and that was all that was needed. The Japanese man put the
Lotus back in and kicked the drawer shut. He stood up and stared Lavi down.
“Because I don’t want you worrying!” He shouted. He sounded… desperate? Lavi
blinked. He hadn’t been expecting that answer.
“You should just tell me the truth!” Lavi insisted, his own voice raising a bit
despite his surprise. Yuu shook his head, a gesture that threw Lavi off balance
again.
“I don’t want you to know that I’m going to die!” He half screamed. In his
voice was a pain so raw, so uncensored, that Lavi actually took a step back.
“You think you’re going to die?” He whispered to himself, shocked. He looked
down at the floor, staring at his feet, and then gazed back at Yuu. “You
promised you would tell me. Yuu, what else have you been lying to me about?”
“Nothing!” The other man insisted, but his word was empty. He was lying.
“Well, it’s obvious you didn’t train today like you told me you were. Where did
you go?” Lavi asked. It wasn’t that he thought Yuu was cheating or
anything—that was impossible, he wasn’t that kind of man—but the fact that Yuu
was hiding things from him when he’d been a complete open book was distressing
to him. More than distressing. It was painful.
“A walk,” Yuu responded curtly, looking away. Lavi leaned forward and grabbed
his wrist, probably a bit too tightly, judging by the way the other man
flinched—flinched—back. His eyes were panicked for a second, and Lavi knew he’d
unwittingly reminded Yuu of his father. Again.
“A walk? That’s all? Just fucking tell me, Yuu! I just want to know!” Lavi was
yelling before he even realized it.
“I don’t have to tell you everything. Can’t I have a moment alone?” It was a
fair enough request, if Lavi thought about it, but he was beyond logic and
reason right now. It felt like a rebuke, it stung like one.
“I’m just worried—”
“See, that’s what I didn’t want!” Yuu was starting to breathe heavily, and like
Lavi had just done, he had his hands fisted at his sides.
“So you lied?” Lavi screamed.
“Yes!” Yuu admitted in a screech. Lavi stepped back again, shocked that Yuu had
admitted it. He looked down at the ground and continued, much quieter and in an
almost broken voice, “I don’t want… you to be… worried about me. I’m not… worth
it.”
“The fuck you aren’t,” Lavi dismissed. “What else have you been lying about,
Yuu? Is that why you won’t tell me you love me?”
Yuu froze completely for nearly a minute. He began to shake, and when he
finally looked up, his glare was simultaneously lava hot and icy cold. “Leave
the room. Now. Before I do something I’ll regret.”
“With pleasure,” Lavi snarled, turning on his heel and storming out of the
room.
---
It took him all of five minutes to regret how he’d left, but he just couldn’t
bring himself to go back. He was so angry, and he couldn’t go to Lenalee. She
would be the one Yuu went to, and angry as Lavi was, he didn’t want to take
away the Japanese man’s one alternative outlet, should he be strong enough to
take it.
He walked to Amanda’s room. She would understand. She acted, she made faux
smiles; she knew what it was like to be empty. She also knew what it was like
to be in love. He didn’t know when it had happened, but Lavi had extended a
hand of friendship to her and instead of shaking it, she’d winked and hugged
him instead. Metaphorically speaking, obviously. He knocked on her door, and
when she answered, he must have looked awful, because she turned to face the
inside of the room and yelled, “Darcy, out!”
Darcy appeared a moment later in a garish pink bathrobe that was several sizes
too small for him. He shuffled out of the room, looking depressed, but when he
saw Lavi, he, too, sobered. He sighed and, shaking his head, walked off,
probably to hide in his own room.
“Lavi, what happened?” Amanda asked, concerned, as he walked in.
“Yuu lied,” he whispered in a haunted voice. He hadn’t meant it to come out
that way.
“Wait—what?” She sounded confused.
“He… about the Lotus, he lied. Amanda, he only has three and a half petals
left! He’s going to die!” Abruptly, tears leaked from his eyes, and he batted
at them, annoyed at their presence.
She hugged him, pulling him into her chest. Which was awkward. Not that Lavi
didn’t appreciate a nice chest on a woman, but he just didn’t want to inhale
it. He did prefer guys, after all. “I’m guessing you had a fight,” she said in
a soothing voice. Lavi nodded into her cleavage. “You wanna stay in here for a
while?” She offered him. Lavi nodded again.
It was nice, he decided, having his face pillowed on Amanda’s chest, having her
there to listen as she slowly threaded her hands through his hair. It reminded
him vaguely of something a mother might do, listening to a troubled child. His
hadn’t done this, though. Still, it was a very nice feeling.
“Amanda?” Miranda’s voice called in. Lavi stirred against Amanda.
“Come on in!” Amanda shouted back.
“Oh, what’s Lavi doing here?” Miranda’s voice said. Lavi couldn’t see her, but
from the way she moved and the way her voice sounded like cranberries
identified her for him.
“He and Kanda had a fight,” Amanda explained, and her chest vibrated with her
speech against Lavi’s ear.
“You guys had a fight today?” Miranda exclaimed a worried tone to her cranberry
flavored voice. “Was it about Tiedoll and Noise?”
Lavi looked up at her for the first time. “What do they have to do with
anything?” He asked blankly, eyebrows lowered questioningly.
“Oh—you weren’t there,” Miranda said, epiphany lighting her face. “Today’s the
anniversary of their deaths.”
Lavi felt like he’d had his heart ripped out by Tyki. “That’s why Yuu went for
a walk,” he whispered, horrified. “He wouldn’t be able to meditate if his mind
is too active, he wouldn’t want to train or be around anyone… goddamn it! I’m a
fucking asshole!” He pushed himself lightly away from Amanda and sped out of
the room, each step violently jostling his aching chest.
When he got back to the room, though, Yuu wasn’t there.
---
There was only one fact that mattered to him: Lavi hated him. He’d left the
room with a snarl in his voice and violence in his steps. Lavi didn’t like
being lied to. He’d spent his entire life lying. Yuu thought Lavi was just
tired of all the dishonesty. He never should have lied. But how else could he
protect Lavi from the aching worry that would invariably set into his very
bones if he knew that Yuu wouldn’t survive the war. Even if he did, three and a
half petals—or less, as they still didn’t know when they’d find the Earl, if
they ever would—wouldn’t be enough to allow him a long life. There was also the
added worry of how quickly it was wilting now. Never before had petals wilted
in half before they left the flower, but now they did. Never before had it
drooped so low, looked so sickly, but now it did. Was the spell weakening? Was
he weakening?
He didn’t even bother knocking on Lenalee’s door. He couldn’t possibly be
interrupting something since Moyashi was such a coward. He was right. The
Chinese girl he was seeking was sitting on the bed next to Moyashi, who had his
arm around her. They were talking quietly to each other, probably about
something ordinary and insignificant, like Moyashi being hungry. He ignored
them and sat against the footboard of the bed. The floor was cold. He didn’t
like cold floors. He began to shake.
“Allen.” Lenalee’s voice was very far away. Yuu missed the rest of what she
said; the sounds came out as garbled mistranslations.
Yuu was probably imagining it, but there were footsteps a moment later.
“Kanda-kun,” a voice said next to him. It was Lenalee, right? He’d come to see
Lenalee, after all. “Kanda-kun, will you tell me what’s wrong?”
Yuu couldn’t. Everything was wrong; it would take too long to explain. He felt
a hand fall lightly onto his arm, a feathery, almost spidery-light touch. He
didn’t want to ignore it, so slowly, slowly; he looked over and saw Lenalee
sitting on the cold floor next to him.
“He’s going to leave me,” he breathed. The one thought he’d been trying to
hide. He loved Lavi, honestly, desperately, too much, and Lavi was going to
leave him because he couldn’t say it, because he had lied. His mother had
always told him that lying was bad.
“Kanda-kun, what are you talking about?” Lenalee asked, scooting over so that
she was just a little bit closer. Yuu shuddered away, but he didn’t want to. He
actually wanted to move closer. Why couldn’t he ever follow his true emotions?
Lavi was leaving him because of it! “Lavi would never leave you. He’s… you
guys… with the… you guys are a really good couple. Whatever you think you did,
Lavi won’t leave you for it. I think that even if you killed everyone important
to him—besides yourself—he’d still be with you.”
Those were the words he needed to hear, but they were also the words that he
couldn’t stand to hear, because they simply couldn’t be true. Just like the lie
he’d told.
“But I lied,” he breathed. Lenalee moved her hand to his shoulder, scooting
closer again.
“Then apologize,” she said. Yuu was grateful she hadn’t pried anymore. It would
have hurt too much to explain.
“But he’ll leave me,” he insisted, still in that quiet, breathy voice that was
just below a whisper.
“He won’t. Kanda-kun—Yuu-kun—he won’t leave you. Ever. It’s like me and Allen.
Allen would never desert me. Lavi won’t desert you, either.”
Yuu shifted. He’d never before heard Lenalee call him by his first name. The
thing that struck him the most was that he didn’t mind. Normally, he hated it
when people called him Yuu, simply because they didn’t know him. Lenalee did
know him, though, so it didn’t really surprise him that much. He turned to face
her, and this time, he could nudge himself forward a little. Lenalee extended
her arm so that it was resting on his opposite shoulder, and Yuu leaned down
until the crown of his head was nestled against her neck.
“I’m… scared,” he admitted, so quietly he thought Lenalee wouldn’t hear at all.
She did, though.
“I know, but sometimes things in life are scary. Don’t worry, though, because
things will definitely be alright,” she said soothingly, squeezing his shoulder
just a little bit and pulling him closer. She was speaking as a mother to her
child. Yuu missed that tone, “Yuu-kun, you’ve become so strong. I remember when
you first came to the Order. Your eyes were so flat. They frightened me. I
couldn’t understand what you went through, and I still can’t, but I know what
pain is like. The light in your eyes is finally beginning to show, and it’s all
because of Lavi. Go back to your room and apologize. I’m sure he’ll understand.
By tomorrow morning, you’ll be chasing him around while he’s got that wide grin
on, and he’ll taunt you, and you’ll call him ‘Baka Usagi,’ just like you always
do. It’s going to be okay. You love him, don’t you?”
Yuu hesitated and then nodded infinitesimally.
“Will you tell him, one day?” Lenalee asked. Yuu was struck at how everyone but
the stupid rabbit realized he couldn’t say it. “‘Love is blind,’ that’s what
everyone says. Perhaps Lavi can’t see that you love him, but if someone pointed
it out to him—and that someone doesn’t have to be you—he could probably see it.
Just be patient. He really can be an idiot sometimes.”
She smiled, and Yuu found the strength to stand up, pulling Lenalee with him.
Without realizing he was doing it, without meaning to, he hugged her tightly,
pulling her head to lay on his chest.
“Kanda… Yuu-kun?” She asked.
“Thank… you,” he whispered into her hair before letting her go and leaving the
room. He thought that maybe she stared after him owlishly, but he didn’t look
back to check. Lenalee was right, Lavi would see it eventually, even if he
couldn’t tell him, Lavi would forgive him if he apologized. There had never
been a time when he hadn’t. Then again, there’d never been a time when he’d
actually apologized. Perhaps that in itself was the problem.
When he got back to the room, the door was closed, but he heard loud breathing
inside. It didn’t sound angry, though, so he knocked softly on the door. He
never knocked on doors. Belatedly, he realized he should announce himself.
“Lavi, it’s me, please let me in. I’m sorry, please… let me in.” When had he
started using polite words like “please?” When had he started begging? But that
wasn’t begging. No, this time it was. And he didn’t mind. He leaned against the
door, putting his palms to it and then his head. He wanted to hear Lavi better.
There was no response. Lavi was still mad at him, then. “Let me in, it’s my
fault.” He was surprised it didn’t hurt his pride to apologize. He heard
footsteps, and then the door swung in, and he was on the floor. Lavi knelt down
in front of him, having not fallen to the floor with Yuu, and simply looked at
him.
“How can you say it’s your fault? I’m such an asshole, Yuu—I’m so sorry. I
didn’t—it’s part of the time I don’t remember, and you’ve never acted this way
on the twenty-fourth before, so I was confused.” Blinking, Yuu realized Lavi
was talking about Tiedoll and Noise.
“Che,” he said, surprised he could still make the noise but holding onto it
like a lifeline. “There was never any time to.”
“Yuu, please… let’s just forget this ever happened. It’s not that important—”
“You don’t trust me anymore.” It was a statement, and from the look on Lavi’s
face when Yuu looked up, it was true.
“No, I—”
“Don’t you lie, too. Lavi, I’m sorry, this entire thing is my fault. Will you…
forgive me?” He implored, staring deeply into the redhead’s too-green eye with
desperation. Lavi looked taken aback.
“Yuu… I just… let me know, okay? You aren’t lying about anything else, right?
I’ll believe you if you answer me,” Lavi said, though Yuu didn’t have much
faith in that statement.
“I don’t lie to you, I’ve told you before. The only thing I’ve ever lied about
to you was the Lotus Flower. I didn’t… want you to know. It would break you to
know,” Yuu answered slowly, softly.
Lavi nodded. “The other thing I want to know is… are you not saying you love me
because you don’t?” There was so much vulnerability in his face, voice, and eye
that Yuu almost couldn’t be angry. Almost.
“That’s not it,” he muttered, looking away. “I… can’t.”
“What do you mean, ‘you can’t?’” Lavi asked in a curious voice. His tone was in
no way accusing.
“I just… I can’t. The words, they won’t come out,” Yuu tried to explain.
“I don’t understand,” Lavi said, lowering an eyebrow in utter confusion.
“They’re stuck in my head.”
“Why, though?” Lavi asked.
Yuu forced himself to say it. Lavi would understand, right? “If I say it, I’ll
betray you.”
Lavi blinked. “I don’t follow.”
“If I say it and I die, that would be betraying you. I don’t want… to do that.
I… my entire life is filled with betrayals. I don’t want to make another one.”
“Are you referring to—” Lavi began, but Yuu wasn’t finished yet.
“When my father told me that, he betrayed it by raping, beating, and torturing
me. When he told my mother that, he betrayed her by raping, beating, and
torturing us both. He betrayed us every time he hurt us. If I say that and hurt
you, I’m the same as him,” he explained, not looking at Lavi at all.
A punch hit him hard in the jaw, and he looked back, horrified. Lavi’s
expression was utterly livid. “That’s it!? You think you’re like him? You’re
comparing yourself to him? I’m tired of the comparisons, Yuu! I’m tired of
walking around on eggshells, unsure if I’m going to hurt you with my words or
actions! Every time I make you remember something like that, thus hurting you,
are you comparing me to him? Is that what it is, Yuu?”
Suddenly, the physical blow didn’t feel so bad. It felt like he’d just been
punched in the heart. “No,” he choked out, horrified. How could Lavi think
that? “I’ve never—you’re nothing like—like him.”
“How, Yuu, if I’m hurting you, too?” Lavi shouted.
“Because you’re not! You… it’s okay when I’m with you, I can feel those things!
I’m allowed to scream and touch and feel good! You’ve never been like him!
Ever! You can’t betray me like that! It’s impossible!”
“Then how would you be betraying me, Yuu? You’re saying that I can’t hurt you
like that, like he did, so I can’t betray you. But you know that there would
never be a case or scenario where you would torture or abuse me, and I would
never call our physical relationship rape,” Lavi insisted. But somehow, it
wasn’t the same. Yuu said as much.
“How? How is it not the same?” Lavi questioned, his voice echoing too loudly
throughout the room. It assaulted Yuu’s ears and made him flinch. Lavi took it
the wrong way. “I can’t hurt you, but you can hurt me? It doesn’t work that
way!”
“It’s not the same because I… it’s not physical, it’s emotional. I can break
you emotionally! Fuck, Lavi, you don’t even know how screwed up you are!?”
“I fucking know I’m screwed up! No one’s ever loved me! Not my parents, not
Bookman, not you. Can you understand what that does to someone?”
“You talk like I don’t know what it’s like not to be loved. My father—”
“And there we are, back to him! I know he’s on your thoughts a lot, but you had
a fucking mother, Yuu! She loved you and took care of you when you were hurt! I
never had that! The closest thing I had was Bookman asking me if I thought I
would live after I got shot and the shrapnel hit my eye! And Yuu, you’re
screwed up, too, so don’t just leave me alone in that category!”
“I wasn’t going to! But I… I… lo—argh!” Yuu fisted his hands in his hair, not
entirely sure if he was trying to rip it out or not.
“What, Yuu, you what?” Lavi insisted, coming too close, placing cold hands too
tightly on his wrists. The subject of his father was too close at hand, and Yuu
flinched back unintentionally.
“I’m trying to say that I—I… I…” He stared straight into Lavi’s green eye. He
could force it out, he could bypass the chains that were staying so strong and
heavy over his feelings as the fight went on. But he couldn’t. His eyes teared
up slightly, though he didn’t really care. He wanted—no, he needed—to tell
Lavi. He needed to tell Lavi that he loved him.
Lavi sighed several times in frustration, cutting Yuu off. “You know what,”
Lavi exclaimed angrily, throwing his hands up as if in defeat, “I can’t take
this anymore!”
He left the room, storming out just like before, but this time, he slammed the
door behind him, putting a lid on Yuu’s hopes as he did so.
Lavi had left him. This time it was real. Lavi was gone. Forever.
---
The redhead was bawling by the time he’d gotten to Amanda’s room. He loved Yuu,
but he was so confused. What the Japanese man was saying hadn’t made any sense
at all. It had sounded like he’d been trying to say the words at the end of the
argument, but Lavi just wasn’t sure anymore. Everything was so confusing, and
he didn’t understand it at all. Yuu couldn’t say it? They were only three, tiny
words! Lavi said them all the time. Sure, he imagined the memory of Yuu’s
father still haunted him—Yuu still woke up screaming at least once a week—but
the thought of betrayal was just so outrageous, so ridiculous, that he couldn’t
wrap his mind around it. How could Yuu ever betray him? It was an
impossibility. Like dividing by zero.
Once again, he knocked on Amanda’s door. She answered, looking annoyed. “What
are you doing back here?” She asked, sounding testy. Lavi wondered vaguely if
she was on her period, but as he peered in, he figured that couldn’t be the
case, since Darcy was putting on the bathrobe again. And he was very naked
under it. Lavi couldn’t force himself to be scarred, though, because he was too
confused. Nothing made sense. He needed someone to explain it to him. Amanda
would understand; she would tell him.
“Yuu… I’m… confused… Amanda, help me!” He threw himself in her arms. She froze
in seeming shock but put her arms around him, backing up and leading him into
the room.
“Darcy, I’m sorry, hon, but can you get out again? I promise we’ll… well,
yeah.” Lavi felt her gesture to him, probably with a helpless expression, and
Darcy got the message.
“Fine. Just… I’m gonna stay outside, so call me in when you’re done, okay?” He
asked.
When the door was closed, Lavi put his head on Amanda’s shoulder and continued
crying, harder than before. He sobbed so hard his body shook and shuddered in
what would have been a wanton way had this been any other situation. Or with
anyone else. Preferably Yuu.
But that thought hurt him and brought back the confusion, so he sobbed harder,
pushing it away into the Bookman side of his mind. Maybe he would analyze it
subconsciously there, but it wasn’t looking likely.
Finally, Amanda pushed him back, glaring. “Lavi, whatever the fuck happened, I
don’t care. Just tell me why the fuck you’re crying like a little girl.”
The tears that she had startled away—that had probably been her aim—leaked down
his cheeks again, though they were no longer forceful in their expulsion from
his body. He leaned back down on her, explaining, “I’m so confused,” he said.
“Yuu is… he won’t say it. I was okay waiting, but he says he can’t, and I’m so
confused because I don’t think he could ever betray me.”
Amanda pushed him back again, staring at him in acute bewilderment. “I have no
idea what the fuck you’re talking about, Lavi. Could you try being a bit more
specific?”
Slowly, Lavi recounted the whole situation to Amanda, repeating the fight word-
for-word. When he got to the very end, when Yuu had been trying to say
something, Amanda cut him off. “Lavi,” she said, slapping him across the cheek.
“You. Are. The world’s. Biggest. Idiot!” She exclaimed, slapping him again
between each break. Lavi’s head went back and forth, still swimming with
questions. His cheeks hurt.
“Huh?” He asked eloquently, not having the thought process for any larger, more
explicit words.
“He was trying to tell you, you dolt! And it doesn’t matter anyway, because he
tells you every time he looks at you, if you’d only see!” She slapped him
again, this time lighter than the others. Lavi’s head still went flying,
regardless.
“Huh?” Lavi repeated.
“Lavi, did it ever occur to you that he can’t say it?” Amanda screamed, raising
her hand back as if for another strike, although she mercifully left it in the
air. “You know he can’t express things. I don’t know what the fuck happened to
him before the Order, but those scars are gnarly. They… well, honestly,
wouldn’t you have trouble getting over that? He screamed in his sleep while we
were at the White House, and the Japanese Prime Minister translated for us.
Whatever the fuck his father did to him, abuse like that takes time to get
over, not just a few years. He’ll be living like that for the rest of his life.
Sure, he’s better than he was before—anyone with eyes can see that—and that’s
because you’re there with him. Love heals, Lavi, and he’d have to be pretty
whipped to heal that much. You were out of line with those comments. I
understand you were angry, but… that’s just too far, Lavi. You should go back
and apologize. Profusely.”
Darcy ran into the room at the end of Amanda’s tirade. He looked alarmed.
“Amanda, Lenalee was just here. She went into the room to check on Kanda
because she’d heard screaming, and he hadn’t come out. He’s… nonresponsive.
Allen’s been baiting him, but he’s still not reacting at all. Lenalee’s
convinced that Lavi left him or something, since he mentioned to her before
that he was scared he would.”
Lavi’s head perked up. Leave him? Why would he ever…?
Another slap bruised his cheek. “What did you say to him?” Amanda yelled. “You
must be leaving something out! What did you say?”
Lavi blinked. “I was so confused that I couldn’t stand it, so I said I couldn’t
stand it anymore.”
Amanda froze, her hand in midair again. “What did you say?” She asked urgently,
angrily. “Lavi, what did you say?” She grabbed his face between her hands,
staring him deeply in the eye.
“I said, ‘I can’t take it anymore.’ What does that have to—”
Amanda didn’t slap him this time. She just looked at him with a cold fury that
made Lavi much more nervous. “How exactly did you say it? Repeat it to me.
Right. Now.”
“‘I can’t take it anymore.’ Why is that—oh, shit.”
“No wonder he thinks you left him! You said you slammed the door, too? Holy
shit! Holy fucking barrel of monkeys rolling down a hill! Get your ass back
there! You probably killed him!” She made to punch him, but Lavi was already
gone, sprinting through the alleyways like a lunatic.
Maybe he was raving, maybe he was insane, but right now, none of that mattered.
Right now, he needed to get to Yuu.
---
Yuu was sitting against the side of the bed, one leg outstretched and the other
bent up to the ceiling. He had an arm over his eyes, and his head was back
against the mattress. He was sitting absolutely still; even his breathing was
shallow, nearly unmoving. Carefully, Lavi walked through the room, sitting down
in front of his lover.
“Damn, Yuu, I’m so sorry, please wake up,” he pleaded quietly, raising the arm
from the man’s face. He gasped in surprise when he saw a silent tear cascade
down Yuu’s equally silent cheek. Lavi reached forward and tenderly wiped it
away. He leaned down and placed a kiss on the eye that had wept.
“Please wake up for me. I’m not leaving you. I love you,” Lavi pleaded, not
caring how desperate his voice sounded. He stood up and heaved the other man’s
dead weight onto the bed, laying him straight out. Yuu didn’t move, didn’t make
that characteristic curling-up motion and turn to face away from him, showing
him the most explicit form of trust. Yuu did not move, he simply stared,
unseeing, at the ceiling. He gave no indication that he’d been moved at all. It
was like they were back to August again, and Yuu was lying despondent after
he’d thought Lavi to be dead.
But perhaps, Lavi thought, it was worse this time, because he’d thought Lavi
had left him. Lavi himself knew that it would be infinitely more painful to
know that Yuu didn’t want to be with him than to have him dead. At least, if
Yuu was dead, he would be sure of the other man’s affections.
“What have I done? Yuu, please wake up! I’m serious, I don’t want you to die!
If you give up, I’ll fucking kill you. Please, please wake up!” Lavi pleaded,
not surprised to find tears blurring his vision and choking his words. He tried
everything. He punched Yuu, slapped him, kissed him, hugged him, but nothing
worked. Nothing at all.
He lay down next to Yuu, pulling the other man’s very still form—which was
thankfully still breathing—into his arms. He didn’t dare lie on top of the
other man for fear of crushing what little breaths he was taking.
Japanese might work, maybe. The thought hit him, and hopelessly, Lavi began to
mumble an incoherent string of strangled pleas and apologies. Interspersed
throughout them all was the repeated phrase, “aishiteru.”
Yuu did not stir immediately, but after a while, his breathing became stronger,
and when Lavi checked, his heartbeat was strong. He knew that he’d almost
killed the dark-haired man, thrown him into an irreversible coma. Yuu groaned
nearly too softly to hear a few hours later, and by the morning, his eyes were
moving rapidly beneath his eyelids with dreams. Lavi hoped they were good, but
he knew they weren’t.
Lenalee knocked on the door. “Lavi? Is Kanda-kun awake?” She asked. Lavi shook
his head, but then he realized Lenalee couldn’t see that, so he responded in
the negative. “Can I come in?” Lavi repeated the same mistake with a nod and
corrected it with an increasing feeling of idiocy.
“KANDA-KUN! Get the fuck up, I have tea for you!” Lenalee shouted. Lavi’s head
whipped over to her. Was he dreaming? Was this all a very screwed up reality?
Did Lenalee… just… curse?
Yuu sat bolt upright, his eyes snapping open in complete awareness. He brought
a hand to his face, “the world is a spiraling pit of darkness,” he muttered,
falling back onto his pillow.
“Yuu!” Lavi shouted, concerned.
“Shut up, Lavi, I’m dizzy.”
“Oh.” Lavi’s mouth closed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lenalee set the
tray with Yuu’s cup of tea on the nearest surface and flee. “How did you wake
up?”
“There’s no way my mind could make up something as impossible as Lenalee
swearing. It has to be real. Why are you here?” Yuu looked confused, as if
Lavi’s being there was something that not even reality could create.
“I would never leave you, Yuu—don’t ever forget that. Last night, I was just…
confused. Really, really confused. I mean, really confu—”
“I get it. That doesn’t explain why you left.” Yuu was speaking as if he still
didn’t realize Lavi was truly there, as if he was conversing with himself.
“My thoughts were getting all jumbled up, and if I was around you, I would have
said something really bad—which I did anyway, in retrospect—so I had to get out
of there. I never had any intentions of leaving you. I—goddammit, Yuu, I
fucking love you.” Lavi didn’t quite know how to express it properly.
“I… I…” Yuu started, already sounding frustrated.
“It’s okay, Yuu,” Lavi said quietly, cutting him off. “You don’t have to say
it, I understand. I know you can’t say it, and that’s okay. But… I don’t know,
could you do something for me?”
Yuu opened his eyes, the brown—slightly darker than usual—penetrating Lavi’s
solitary green one with a complete grasp on reality. Yuu definitely knew what
was happening now. That was good. “What?” He asked, just as softly.
“You don’t have to do it, but if you can, is it possible that you could just
nod or shake your head? I just… there’s the insecurity of not knowing for sure,
even though I really do know. But it’s unsaid, and that scares me a bit—”
“Get on with the question, rabbit,” Yuu said, sounding somewhat impatient.
“Do you love me?” Lavi asked, lying back down, putting his head on Yuu’s chest
and staring down the curving plane of Yuu’s body toward the lumps under the
covers that were his feet.
Yuu inclined his head, barely moving it at all, but it was enough, and Lavi’s
heart soared. Someone in the world loved him, he could say that with surety,
and that in itself would suffice until Yuu could tell him without being
hampered by the invisible chains left by his tortured past.
***** Christmas One Shot *****
Chapter Summary
     A Christmas One Shot by request
December_25,_2013--Allen's_Ark
Bright, intense sunlight filtered in through the light blue curtains, casting a
dim, Alice blue glow onto the bed. The color mixed with the burnt orange of the
rug, making it look more brown than anything else, and it accented each long
fiber. As he blinked the sleep from his eyes, Yuu frowned at the rug. It was
ugly. He hated it. It needed to go. But he couldn't quite manage to drag
himself out of the bed. Lavi had one arm on their shared pillow. The other
wrapped tightly, almost possessively, around his chest, and its presence spread
a warmth through him, one that had been absent during the night. He felt empty,
drained of all emotion and thought, and all he could concentrate on was the
tingling sensation of Lavi's stomach pressed closely to his back. Their legs
tangled, and Yuu's hair spread wildly, no doubt nearly suffocating the rabbit
behind him.
It felt good, Yuu realized, leaning back just slightly so that he could feel
more of Lavi's skin against his. And Lavi hadn't left him. That was very
important. But he was sure of this fact. After all, the redhead wouldn't be
there, making that little mumbling noise he did when he was maybe an hour from
waking, if he had.
He didn't want to get up, he just wanted to lay there and let the world pass
by. It was fucking Christmas, so he could do whatever the fuck he wanted--
The door slammed open, emitting a rather festive-looking Infernal Girl. Tiny,
annoying little bells jingled in tandem with her movements. They were all over
her outfit--several littered her shirt, some were on her fake reindeer antlers,
others encircled her ankles, attached to her socks. Still more ran in criss-
cross patterns over what looked suspiciously like arm warmers, and larger ones
made up a belt of some sort, worn above her red- and green-striped ensemble. It
was very nearly enough to raise him from his stretched out position and use his
sword to cut each bell from her outfit as he sliced her in half, but Lavi's arm
tightened around his chest as a whine spread whirling patterns of breath on the
back of his neck.
Amanda danced around the room, stomping the floor repeatedly, grunting with the
effort. It looked like some type of tribal dance, and when she ended her
tomfoolery with a gorilla-esque chest pounding and a shout of "Merry Christmas,
bitches," Yuu sent her his deepest glare. She seemed to quail under it slightly
and backed from the room, but before she closed the door, she added, "you're
going to mass, my dearest hoes, so up and at 'em! I'll be back in twenty
minutes. I'd better not walk in on a quickie." The slam of the door pulled a
startled, waking grunt from Lavi's lips. The rabbit in question shifted before
nuzzling into the back of Yuu's neck and sighing.
Aishiteru. It wasn't that hard to think. I love you. The chains held him
strong, but the thoughts seemed to slip through the gaps in the links. It was
comforting, almost, in that he could admit it to himself. It gave him hope that
one day the barriers would fall forever. Without meaning to, he ran his left
hand down the length of Lavi's possessive arm, intertwining their fingers and
feeling his own heartbeat beneath them. The redhead made a whispering noise and
shifted again so that they were melded together from neck to waist.
Abruptly, Lavi let out a honking noise, spasming as something very wet and very
unwelcome settled on the back of Yuu's neck. A second later, Yuu followed suit,
glaring at the rug-that-had-to-go. It deserved to be spat upon. Or sneezed
upon. Or whatever. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he wondered who was
talking about him.
"Tissue," Lavi moaned from behind him, speaking hesitantly. Sighing, the
Japanese Exorcist sat up and walked across the room to his dresser, on which
stood an orange tissue box. Tossing it to his lover--Yuu was still astonished
he could think that at all; something must have changed in him last night,
though his heart froze whenever he thought about it--he smirked in satisfaction
as it hit the man in the head. Yuu would never admit it, but he found it almost
endearing that Lavi had no depth perception. It was fun to watch, but he also
made the most... adorable, Yuu supposed was the word, faces whenever he got
frustrated. He would pace about, mutter angrily under his breath, and finger at
the elastic of his eye patch, which was a sweet mannerism, if Yuu thought about
it--which he wasn't. "Thanks," the redhead muttered after blowing his nose and
sniffing a bit.
Yuu shrugged, but he resisted the urge to scoff. He felt warm arms come around
him from behind, and for once, he didn't think of his father as he fell back
just slightly into the embrace. Lavi's hands locked around his bare, scarred
stomach--at some point in the night, the rabbit had divested him of his shirt--
running warm sparks up his spine. Lavi's head came to rest on his shoulder, and
Yuu unconsciously leaned his head sideways so that he wouldn't have to hold it
up. That was his excuse, anyway. But he knew he was letting his head rest on
Lavi's because it felt good and it reminded him that even though he was going
to die, life before his fate could be pleasant.
"I'm really sorry about last night," Lavi whispered into his hair, and the
Japanese man could feel the movements of the redhead's lips as they brushed
lightly against his neck. He shivered involuntarily. Lavi made to pull away,
but Yuu quickly grasped the rabbit's hands and forced him back into position.
"I was way out of line." His voice sounded raspy, almost, as if he had spent
the whole night expending it.
"Che. It's... fine." And it was. Really. He knew that the previous day had been
very painful and that his barely-active mind was keeping the details from him,
but he remembered parts of the fight, and he remembered the pain he'd felt when
he thought Lavi'd left. He also knew that it was alright just so long as Lavi
never did it again. And he knew the man wouldn't.
"It's not," Lavi insisted, attempting to pull away again. The smaller man held
his lover fast.
"When it's you, it's... okay. I never think of him when I'm with you." At his
awkward admission, Lavi's arms tightened around his stomach. They stood there
for a while, simply enjoying the other's presence and the warm, intoxicating
feel of flesh against flesh. Little by little, the memories of the previous
evening returned to Yuu, leaving a familiar twinge in the pit of his stomach.
He felt as if he needed to say something... needed to apologize as well. "I'm
sorry too. I should have told you what yesterday was. I'm sorry I... can't
say... it."
The world spun as the idiot rabbit turned him around so that they were face to
face. Their stomachs pressed gently together as Lavi tilted his head down the
few centimeters' difference and brushed his lips against Yuu's. The older man
felt his shoulders relax, tension he hadn't known was there melting as Lavi
hooked his chin over Yuu's shoulder.
And that was when Amanda returned, slamming the door open and shouting "don't
kill my eyes!" as she waltzed in. Her attire had changed. She was now wearing a
solemn black dress, accentuated with intricately-patterned lace. A large,
ornate crucifix, complete with the dying Jesus, hung on a large, heavy chain
over her chest, and earrings made of onyx completed the ensemble. Her make-up,
on the other hand, made Yuu want to kill her. Her eyes were blackened much as
Bookman's had once been, and her lips matched the color.
"What is this shit?" Yuu growled.
"My Sunday best," Amanda replied nonchalantly.
"Who died?" Lavi asked sarcastically, snorting when the Infernal Girl gave him
an offended look.
"No one died! Jesus was born! We're goin' to Church ta celebrate! And you guys
are coming, too!"
"But I'm atheist..." Lavi said, his arms still around Yuu's back.
"So am I!" The Infernal Girl exclaimed, "Now get dressed, we're leavin' in half
an hour, and you guys need to eat!"
As she turned to leave again, Amanda stopped and glared at the two flustered
men. "You don't have a choice, I'm making you go. So there." And promptly left.
"We're not going." Yuu grumbled.
"But Yuu, I"ve never been to a modern mass. I heard they don't speak in Latin
anymore," Lavi whined, using the high-pitched voice he knew grated on Yuu's
nerves and would thusly make him give into any of the idiot's pleas just to
escape.
"You mean I'll understand what they're preaching about now?" Yuu asked, and
only force of will kept him from clenching his teeth in annoyance.
"Yeah, isn't it great? Plus, I don't want to be on the wrong side of Amanda's
discus, soooo..." The stupid rabbit stole a quick kiss and then very nearly
bounced his way over to their shared closet, producing his new formal Exorcist
uniform a moment later.
---
December 25, 2013, 11:03 AM--Church in Italy
"We're here an hour early?" Darcy shouted. "Amanda, what the hell? I wanted to
sleep, but nooo, you wanted to go to Church, for God knows what reason. What
are we going to do for an hour, in a church, in Italy? Why couldn't we go to
the Pope's mass instead of some random little church in the city?"
Those were the questions on everyone's minds as they sat in the pews of the
tiny church. But Lavi saw how the girl only giggled and waved her hand
dismissively at the Irishman.
"Because, Mr. Darcy, who would want to stand the whole time in a crowded plaza,
just to hear some fat old man read scripture? I want to sit and hear some fat
old man read scripture." Content with her response, Amanda sat down in one of
the pews way up at the front. "To get a better view," she explained to no one
in particular.
"C'mon, Yuu," Lavi muttered, pulling his lover by his hand. Yuu's face was
disgruntled, but he followed anyway, much to Lavi's pleasure.
Looking around the small church, the redhead noted just how beautiful such a
tiny, out-of-the-way church could be. The stained glass was pristine, preserved
from hundreds of years ago, and it let in just enough light to have that old,
slightly creepy-yet-holy feel to it. Lavi had been in many churches before, and
though this one wasn't as ornate--there were only a few stained glass windows,
and even fewer statues, tapestries and carvings--the architecture was
magnificent. If Lavi was to trust his Bookman training, he would date the
church back to somewhere between the twelfth and sixteenth centuries. The pews
were well worn from years of habitual use, and they showed it; the places where
congregants sat were worn almost white, a stark contrast from the dark wooden
finish, confirming Lavi's opinion as to the longevity of the establishment.
Lavi wasn't very interested in the pulpit--it looked much like that of every
other church--so he turned his attention to the far off corners, looking for
anything out of the ordinary or unique.
Seeing only a few out of place candles in one corner, Lavi looked to the walls
and found very old looking confessional boxes. Wanting to investigate further,
he pulled Yuu toward them, opened one up, and sat on the little bench. It felt
weird sitting there. After all the years since he had been forced to take
confession, it felt... wrong.
"I feel like I'm breaking some cosmic rule, sitting here," Lavi said, shaking
his head and smiling ironically. Yuu grunted, his inflection leading upward in
a way that Lavi knew meant "why." His smile turned less bitter as he took in
his lover's dark eyes. "I was a Bookman. I think I've broken every rule of the
Church, so..." He didn't know how to finish his sentence, so he shrugged.
Suddenly it was very dark, the slats in the door only providing a very hazy
twilight, and they were very close together.
"Yuu, what are you--?" Lavi began to ask, only to be cut off by a fierce kiss.
"Oh, well, I wasn't expecting to ever break this rule," he finished, slightly
breathless.
"Shut it, Baka," Yuu growled, taking hold of Lavi's hands as he pushed him
farther down the bench so that his back was against the wall. The dark-haired
man had his wrists pinned just as effectively, and Lavi hissed in a large gasp
as the man lowered his head to his neck.
"Ne,Yuu, I have an idea," Lavi mumbled as his lover nibbled at his pulse point.
"How 'bout I be the Priest and you be the Altar Boy?"
The redhead wasn't quite sure he could blame Yuu for the blood that was now
running down his neck.
"No way in Hell," the man hissed, moving his mouth to Lavi's ear.
"Really? 'Cause that's where we're goin', Yuu-chan," he replied, his voice
breathless as he tried to stave off the waves of pleasure originating around
his ear. "But we're not there yet, so how about you be a Choir Boy and sing
sweet songs of love as I take you to the precipice of pleasure, and maybe back,
if you're lucky enough to last that--"
The dark-haired man sealed their lips together, pressing into Lavi so
completely that the redhead heard the creak of the old wood at his back. His
grip on Lavi's wrists was strong, firm in a way that told him the older man
wasn't going to let go.
In one last attempt to gain control of the situation, Lavi pulled himself up
off the bench, but was immediately slammed against the feeble wood, feeling
something quite a bit harder against his leg. He moaned quietly, the sound
originating from the back of his throat and ending in a very broken-sounding
hiss as Yuu rubbed a knee against a very sensitive area.
His arms were wrenched higher and pulled together above his head, where Yuu
held them with one hand so that the other could move down to undo the buttons
of his formal Exorcist jacket. The dark-haired man nibbled at Lavi's ear as his
hand slid from the buttons to under his shirt.
Yuu had never been so forward with him before, and Lavi was reeling from the
strange aggressiveness, but he found that he kind of liked it. Managing to
wrench his wrists from the Japanese man's grasp long enough to remove his
cumbersome jacket, Lavi was rewarded with a hiss from his lover, and his hands
were gripped tighter when Yuu grabbed them again.
Lavi heard the distinct sound of another jacket hitting the floor, but was
unable to see, as he was soon distracted by the bench being shoved off to the
side of the booth and being pressed completely between the wall and his lover.
A hand went to his belt while Yuu licked at his pulse point, applying barely
enough pressure to be noticed, but not enough to not be teasing, and Lavi
groaned loudly. A bite on his shoulder was warning enough to keep it down.
"Shhhhh, Yuu, we gotta be quiet!" Lavi stage-whispered to his lover. There was
a scoff, and suddenly his mouth was a bit too preoccupied to comment.
Lavi's belt was undone, and a hand sat teasingly at his waistline, tickling
flesh but not going deeper. Lavi whined and pulled at Yuu's grip, but the dark-
haired man merely smiled against his lips and slowly, agonizingly slowly, undid
his button and fly.
Wondering just what his lover was planning, Lavi watched as Yuu sank to his
knees. His hands were released, and his pants and boxers were pulled down as
Yuu's now free hand roamed. Lavi's eye rolled back into his head as the dark-
haired man's mouth covered his already urgent need.
Lavi tangled his hands in Yuu's too soft hair, which thank the whatever-being-
resided-over-this-god-forsaken-planet Yuu had opted to leave down. The long
black strands tickled his thighs, as whatever Yuu was doing with his tongue
made him go weak in the knees.
Not wanting to be the only one enjoying himself, Lavi decided he would distract
Yuu, make it a little harder to concentrate, as it were. He dug his fingers
into Yuu's scalp, massaging the scarred flesh as hard as he dared. He knew
where all his lover's sensitive spots were and exploited them to the fullest
extent of his abilities. Which was quite full, if Lavi said so himself. As he
hit a particularly sensitive scar right behind Yuu's left ear, the Japanese man
moaned, which sent amazing vibrations up through Lavi.
Obviously not content to let Lavi have any sense of self left, nor to let Lavi
force him to make those noises he always made when he was really into it, Yuu
moved his hand to the base of Lavi's erection and began moving at a steady
rhythm, driving the redhead crazy. He may have screamed, but he wasn't sure.
But at that point, with Yuu taking him as deep as the man's gag reflex would
allow, and sucking at a pace that made Lavi wonder how the man managed to keep
it up, all coherent thought was far gone. So was language, for once. All six
thousand, eight-hundred and nine of them, and that included all ancient
languages and tribal dialects. All he could do was groan and hiss and pant as
Yuu once more took him as deep as physically possible, reaching up and rubbing
fingers along the shell of his left ear.
It was too much. The small confessional seemed to close in around him, until
all he could see was the dim darkness. He forgot to breathe as his orgasm
crashed over him like a tidal wave. He was left weak-kneed and collapsed onto
Yuu's shoulders, his arms giving out from their positions there.
He was once again pressed against the weak wooden walls, all his weight being
supported by his lover. He pulled the dark-haired man into a rough, breathless,
appreciative kiss and hummed at the enthusiastic response he received.
When he finally recovered enough to stand on his own, he pulled Yuu as close as
he could, fumbling with the Japanese man's belt and zipper, hastily pushing the
tight leather down past Yuu's knees, as he hurriedly stepped out of his own
pants and boots, thankful for the now appropriately-fitting uniform.
Pulling the dark-haired man ever closer, wanting as much contact as he could
get, Lavi ran his fingers across Yuu's scalp, reveling in the hitches in breath
that his actions caused. Yuu's hands roamed up and down his back, giving the
redhead goosebumps from anticipation, wanting his lover to go the next step.
"Come on, Lover, you ready or you gonna keep me waitin'?" He whispered, still
slightly breathless, into Yuu's ear. He felt the man shudder against him, but
he was rewarded with a soft sigh.
"Did you bring anything?" At that, Lavi rolled his eye. Of course he had. After
all, he had to be prepared to jump his lover at any given moment (in any given
alleyway).
"Back pocket, Lover."
Yuu scowled at him but lowered himself once more. Lavi couldn't help but
snicker silently under his breath and bring his hands back to the Japanese
man's hair, massaging as the man searched his pockets, producing a half-empty
tube. Lavi shivered, waiting for Yuu to do something, but the man just stood
there, an almost blank expression on his face as he stared at the lube.
"Stop calling me that," the dark-haired man grunted, not looking at Lavi.
The redhead slid down the wall so that he was at the same height as the other
man. Gently, he reached out a hand and placed it under Yuu's chin, guiding the
man's face so that they were locking eyes. The dark-haired man dropped his gaze
again, so Lavi lifted his chin until the other man had no choice.
"It makes you uncomfortable," he stated softly, trying to slow his breathing so
that he didn't sound like a horny fool. Now was not the time. Yuu loved him, of
that he was sure, but he was still uncomfortable with terms of endearment--or
with terms that defined their relationship. He wasn't ready. And Lavi was okay
with that, because this was his Yuu-chan, and he would never push him, not more
than he was capable of being pushed. Calling him his lover aloud was so far
past that boundary that Lavi wasn't sure he knew how to bring him back to his
safety zone.
Yuu nodded, their eyes meeting once more for a brief second.
"What do you want me to call you, then?"
"My name," the other man responded quietly. He didn't look away, though, and
Lavi was startled by the shining depths in the older man's eyes. Deep,
charcoal-brown eyes glittered with something Lavi had never seen before, not in
anyone except a man so deeply in love that he often did stupid things for his
partner. It was a gaze of complete trust and understanding, something Lavi,
with all his book-smarts and capacity for memory, could barely comprehend.
"Yuu," Lavi breathed, leaning in so that he could touch his lips tenderly to
his lover's.
His head smarted as he was pushed back into the wall, Yuu's hands on his
shoulders, pinning him there. The Japanese man's tongue ghosted in through
parted lips, and Lavi gave out an unintentional moan as a slick, cold hand
snaked down between his legs. He felt a gentle prodding sensation, and Yuu
released his mouth in preference for his throat. Butterfly kisses, soft,
brushing kisses, rained down the column of his neck in an un-Yuu-chan-like way.
Yuu-chan was strength, passion, heat. But he was also love, he was also the
sun. And Lavi had never felt warmer.
He was slowly pulled to his shaking feet, mind far away from what was actually
happening. Yuu was doing incredible things with his fingers, all the while
kissing him even more senseless. The redhead shifted in an attempt to give the
Japanese man more room but found that the tight confessional did not allow for
much movement. They weren't built for this kind of activity, after all.
Choking down an embarrassingly needy noise as Yuu's fingers found his prostate,
he was suddenly struck with an idea of how to make this easier for the both of
them.
Pulling his hands from his lover's scalp, he brought Yuu's face close to his,
making sure he had the man's full attention. "Yuu, you trust me, right?"
The dark-haired man nodded, his face showing he was unsure of just what Lavi
meant. Lavi himself was surprised he hadn't thought of it earlier.
"Well, then, Yuu, make me a sandwich."
Yuu stopped moving his fingers and pulled back, giving him a strange expression
that was halfway between confusion and lust. "...The fuck, rabbit?" The
Japanese man asked eloquently, his voice rough and his breathing rapid.
Lavi wondered if he was perhaps pushing the man too far with his request. It
was something neither of them had talked about, it was something so far beyond
Yuu's level of comfort that it was almost taboo. He didn't want to push him,
but yet he did. He was curious to see how far he could go without alienating
Yuu forever, but that thought scared him like nothing in this world could, not
even death.
Yuu's silence was unsettling, but then Lavi realized that the man was more
confused than anything. Had he really not understood Lavi's innuendo? Obviously
not.
"I want you to make me the fillin' in a Yuu-and-wall sandwich," he reiterated.
It was very comforting that he got a scoff in response, but then Yuu spoke.
"I already am, Baka Usagi," the man said. Lavi wanted to slap his head on
something, but he knew Yuu was being dense as a way to protect himself. It was
his mind's natural defense against things he didn't know or understand--he
pushed all potentially harmful thoughts away. It wasn't a surprising reaction,
though, not after all he'd been through. Taking a deep, fortifying breath, Lavi
leaned forward and closed the few inches between them in a loose hug.
"We need space, Yuu-chan," he whispered into his lover's ear. "There's a way we
can get it."
As predicted, the dark-haired man froze, though he didn't try to pull back. It
was, perhaps, an awkward position, with Lavi's arms around his neck, their
cheeks pressed together, and Yuu's fingers still motionless inside him.
"I trust ya. You are nothing like your father--you never have been, and you
never will be--so I trust ya not to hurt me. If you don't wanna do it that way,
that's fine, I ain't gonna push ya, but it'll give us more space. You aren't
forcin' me, so it's different, 'kay?" He pressed his lips to Yuu's, and though
his lover didn't move, he knew the man was thinking it over.
When the fingers began to move again, Lavi knew the older man had come to a
decision. He whined, remembering just why he let Yuu top him most of the time.
Then the fingers disappeared--Lavi groaned and bucked his hips forward--and
gentle hands spun him almost delicately around, as if he would break with the
slightest mistreatment. Those same hands ran down his back, almost worshiping
it. And then Yuu pressed up against him, his strong, muscled chest feeling like
fire against Lavi's back.
The sensation went straight to his stomach, making it jump in that
uncomfortable way, but at the same time, it was that giddy feeling that the
redhead had come to associate with Yuu. It was strange, trusting someone so
implicitly that it seemed natural to have him at his back. He had not realized
just how much trust there was, but it was there, he felt it just as surely as
he felt his lover's breath on the back of his neck and the gentle hands at his
sides, telling him to relax at the expected intrusion.
Their movements were slow, but not agonizingly so, slow for the sake of quiet,
because the boards of the booth beneath them creaked when things moved too
fast. Neither one was complaining though, especially when one of Yuu's hands
decided to slide forward from his hip and encircle his erection.
Lavi was now leaning with his face against the confessional wall, using the
ancient wood for support. His legs were shaking from the sheer amount of
emotion that was going through his body. It was like a sensory overload, the
emotions from the previous night playing a huge role. It was the leftover fear
of losing Yuu, the leftover guilt, the leftover joy when Yuu confirmed his
feelings, plus he was still riding his high from his first orgasm.
When Yuu changed pace a moment later, Lavi had to quickly stuff a fist in his
mouth to stop the loud moan that had been about to rip itself from his throat
from escaping. As it was, a tiny, squeaking gasp escaped his attempt. A minute
or two later, though, Lavi wondered why it had mattered in the first place, not
that he cared anymore. It was all becoming a bit too much for him, feeling as
if his legs were going to give out any moment. Yuu's other hand left his hip
and trailed its way upward to Lavi's ear, were it played with the gold hoop.
And Lavi lost it, letting out a low moan against the wooden wall. It may have
been a bit too loud, but at that moment, with Yuu shuddering against him, the
redhead just didn't give a damn. He turned his head to pull his lover into a
kiss, one the man returned with a quiet intensity before it fell apart, their
breathing too ragged to stop for long.
The redhead's back felt bare and cold as Yuu backed away and righted the bench,
but then arms came around his middle and settled him between the dark-haired
man's legs, pulling him into the man's chest. They sat there and breathed,
eventually in unison, until the sounds from the world--ignored during their
romp, if it could be called that--began to trickle in.
"'...and laid him in a manger, because there was no place for them in the
inn,'" came the tinny wheezing of the Priest's voice, floating in through the
slats of the confessional booth's door. A few more words were said, ones that
Lavi didn't feel like registering, because Yuu had his head burrowed in the
back of his neck, and then a chord rang out through the church. Simultaneously,
a loud, crashing noise vibrated the room, along with what sounded suspiciously
like a female gasp.
"Darcy, please, pierce me with your Jesus stick!" Amanda cried out.
"Let me get me condom on, wait a minute," Darcy gasped. There was a rustling
that was drowned out as the congregation joined in whatever stupid song they
were singing, and the redhead was sure he heard Yuu scoff at the activities
going on next door.
"Harder!" Amanda moaned, a bang against the wall that connected the two booths
together announcing more than Lavi had ever wanted to know about his best
friend's sex life. "Take me like Yuu-pyon just took Lavi!"
Yuu tensed up, pushing Lavi away as he made to stand up. The redhead fell to
the ground, and when he looked up, he saw a furious scowl marring his Yuu's
normally... less scowling features. Hastily, Lavi tugged at the pants still
pooled at the Japanese man's ankles.
"Yuu-chan," he mumbled, and he was relieved when the man looked down at him,
his face beyond murderous. The expression melted as he noted his lack of
clothing, and he pulled his pants up.
"Not like that, not in the ass!"
Lavi felt his cheeks flush, and he knew that if he looked in the mirror, he'd
be redder than his hair.
"Just kiddin', love," Darcy grunted, his voice permeating the thin wooden
walls.
Lavi found this whole situation entirely too awkward. One, because they were
stuck in this confessional until the mass was over, two, because they had
thought they had been alone in said confessional, and three, because Amanda was
starting to egg Darcy on. He felt like his face was on fire. The American girl
made Yuu sound like a nun. He had never known her language to be so...
colorful. He wasn't even sure what she was suggesting was even physically
possible.
Listening out past Amanda's moans and Darcy's pants, Lavi heard the organ blast
for the final song of mass. Feeling this was as good a time as any to pull up
his own pants, he looked over at his lover, who was blushing almost as much as
Lavi felt he was. He was almost too late to stop Mugen from being driven
through the flimsy wood wall and into the attached room.
"Yuu-chan, you can't kill them!" Lavi whispered so that the two copulating
Exorcists could not hear. "Someone could hear the screams and find us!"
The Japanese man seemed to consider that for a moment, but at that exact
second, the organ cut off, and Amanda belted out a cry.
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph! God, Darcy!" Fastening his belt and throwing Yuu his
jacket, the redhead felt something drip from his nose.
Even in the dim light, the distinct red tinge made Lavi do a double-take.
Seriously? He had been blushing enough to pop a blood vessel? Next to him, Yuu
snorted.
"...Hentai."
"No, Yuu, I--I--I'm Irish!" Lavi said, blushing harder and increasing the flow
of his nosebleed. He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and innocence.
"I don't see how that correlates." Yuu's expression was iron solid, unyielding.
"We blush a lot!"
"Is someone in there?" An old, gravelly voice asked, thankfully to the other
side of the box. Both Lavi and Yuu froze. Amanda and Darcy had as well, judging
from the distinct lack of sound now emanating from the confessional. The door
handle began to jiggle, but before the elderly priest could open it, a bright
light emerged from the wall, a portal to Allen's Ark waiting for both couples.
Without further thought, they were in and the door was closed.
"You guys are lucky that Lenalee likes you, I was just going to leave you all
so the old man could make you clean up your messes. But no, you owe me."
Lavi had never been happier to hear Allen's voice. Even though he was still
bleeding profusely, he ran up to the boy and encircled him in his arms. "Thank
you, Allen, bless your little, mangled soul!"
The white-haired boy pushed him back, his face crinkling up in distaste. "You
reek, Lavi, take a shower! And stop bleeding on me!" Lavi heard a small,
buttery chuckle behind him and repressed the urge to smile. He hadn't been
there, but he was assuming that Yuu was thinking of the time at the United
Nations when Allen had bled all over his lover's lap. Pulling the little Sprout
into a tighter hug, he placed a kiss right on Allen's forehead, smack in the
middle of his heavenly crown of stigmata.
"I love you, Squirt," Lavi cackled, releasing the boy and reaching back to take
Yuu's hand so that they could go shower... and perhaps go for another round.
---
Allen was complaining all the way back to their room.
"I can't believe the fucker bled on me! I went to all the trouble of saving his
ass from that creepy old priest and then he bleeds on me. What kind of friend
is that? Oh, and he kissed me. Did you see that? He kissed me, Lenalee, it was
disgusting!"
Lenalee rolled her eyes. "Calm down, Allen. It isn't that big of a deal."
"But--but Lenalee!" Allen continued, but the Chinese girl wasn't having any of
that.
"Allen, shut up. Here. I have your Christmas present," she said, reaching into
her pocket and producing a small package.
He calmed immediately, and the dark-haired girl couldn't help but giggle at the
boy's expectant gaze. In some ways, Allen was still a kid, his eyes shining at
the prospect of something new, wrapped in shiny paper with colorful patterns.
Like lightning, he shot out his left hand and retrieved the parcel, ripping off
the paper with enthusiasm. He looked somewhat disappointed when the box was
revealed. Lenalee giggled. What had he been expecting, a Rubik's Cube?
"The present's in the box, Allen," Lenalee said, failing to suppress a smile.
She even let out a little giggle, but she hoped the boy next to her hadn't
noticed.
Allen scowled. "I know that," he said a bit harshly, pulling the box apart with
a flourish. To Lenalee's delight, his face lit with glee as he saw what was
inside.
A solitary white poker chip was suspended on the square of white fluff that had
come with the box. Beneath it was a note, which read: after this is over, let's
go to Vegas. It was simple, really, but heartfelt. She wanted to travel with
Allen--if she was honest with herself, she really just wanted to be with him.
She knew he honestly liked to gamble, so after much discussion with Road and
Amanda, they had come up with this. The gentle, all-encompassing hug that Allen
pulled her into was worth every brainstorming headache she'd had. His hands
were on her back, seeming to pull her farther in, even though she was so
pressed into Allen that her breasts were being squashed in a way that made it
difficult to breathe. But his breath was in her ear, forcing shivers down her
spine each time the air tickled the wisps of hair surrounding the orifice.
"Thank you," he said quietly, and Lenalee knew that even though they were
alone, no one else could have heard it. It made her feel special, like she had
a part of Allen that no one else had. It was selfish to think, but she loved
the boy, and love was possibly the most selfish of all emotions.
Pulling away, Lenalee smiled again.
"Now here's your birthday present."
He looked completely taken aback. She knew that this time of year was hard for
him, remembering Mana, remembering the fact that he didn't know if the twenty-
fifth was his actual birthday. She didn't want him to be depressed, she wanted
to take his mind off of the bad things, just like he did for her. He made it so
she didn't have to think about this being her first Christmas to be truly
without Komui. Having Allen here kept her thoughts in much happier places.
"You got me something else?" Allen asked, his voice still full of shock.
She nodded quickly and then leaned in, kissing him softly on the lips.
"Happy Birthday, Allen," she whispered in his ear before hugging him just as
closely as he had hugged her.
They sat like that for a moment, just enjoying the contact, enjoying the fact
that they had someone to care about on Christmas, enjoying that they didn't
have to think about sad things for at least a few minutes.
"I got something for you, too, Lenalee," Allen's voice breathed in her ear.
Ending their hug, Lenalee looked at the small, nicely wrapped box that the
white-haired boy had produced from his jacket pocket. She took it gently and
unwrapped the silver and gold paper.
"Oh, Allen, you shouldn't have!" She exclaimed, taking the beautiful necklace
from the box. It was an amethyst heart, with a delicate lacing of gold around
it, creating an intricate cage from which it hung on a light golden chain. It
was the most beautiful piece of jewelry she had ever seen. Turning it to the
back, she saw that a square piece of gold was stabilizing the pendant. On it
was inscribed a simple message in neat clear script. For the other half of my
Heart.
She started to cry. It was too much, she loved it more than anything she had
ever received. She felt him fumble with her hands, trying to take the necklace,
she felt him lean forward and put it around her neck, she felt him kiss her
forehead lightly, and she felt him hug her.
"I love it, thank you," she sobbed, and he squeezed her tightly, as if trying
to push her tears away. She wanted to kiss him again, prove to him that she
really loved him and maybe have him finally admit it. But Allen pulled back and
smiled that heart-melting smile at her, the one that made all the troubles, all
the sadness and fear, simply evaporate. Their eyes met, and Lenalee was content
to let their embrace end there, even though her lips itched and tingled for a
contact they could not have.
Allen slid his hand into hers, still sporting that most magnificent smile. The
Chinese girl couldn't help but smile back as her chest swelled. They were
together, and though the white-haired boy would take it no further, Lenalee was
content in the knowledge that there would be no other for either of them. When
the time came, they would love, but that time was not now.
They walked out to the Main Plaza, where most people were setting up tables in
great rows across the entire courtyard. Yuu-kun and Lavi were suspiciously
absent, but Lenalee couldn't really blame them. After the fight they'd had the
previous night, they probably wanted to be alone, skipped mass notwithstanding.
Amanda and Darcy, on the other hand, were both cheerfully helping set up the
tables and other decorations, laughing and flirting loudly as they gamboled
about, doing more damage than actual good.
When the entire Coalition Army (a tentative title for themselves that they'd
decided on) minus Kanda and Lavi--Lenalee would take food to them later--sat
down for the late afternoon feast, Lenalee couldn't help but feel a joy that
had long since been absent wash through her system. She hadn't felt it since
she'd been taken from her brother. The only thing that had come close was the
first Christmas at the new Headquarters. Lavi had run through the corridors,
knocking aside Finders in his haste to be "fun and frivolous." He had been
sporting Yuu-kun's long Exorcist jacket, and moments later, the Japanese man
had come flying down the hallways after the redhead, Mugen unsheathed and
shining in the artificial lights the Order had developed years before. Allen
had played poker with most members of the staff, including a game that he
nearly lost until he had proved the other player to be cheating. Not that he
hadn't been, but seeing as no one (save for Lavi and Bookman, who didn't care)
could catch him at it, Allen always got away with it. He still did. Komui had
even "graced" the Order with his latest Komurin robot, which Krory and Timothy
had spent a good portion of the day trying to destroy. Then they'd been forced
into the obligatory mass, after which they had eaten the largest turkey dinner
Lenalee could remember. It surpassed even the one the Coalition Army had
prepared. It was because Jerry had made it.
She would never say it, Lenalee thought as she loaded her plate with various
foods and watched, awestruck, as Allen did the same on a much grander scale,
but she really missed Jerry's food. The way the Indian man had cooked had
nothing on the current chefs, five-star though they might be. She tried not to
play with the necklace hanging around her neck, preoccupying herself with
spearing a piece of turkey on her fork and bringing it to her mouth. The bench
scraped and shuddered, and Amanda took a seat next to her, her face flushed
with exhilaration from the festivities of the day.
"Hey, dear," the American girl said, giving her a brief, one-armed hug before
grabbing a plate and slopping whatever food in her reach onto it. Darcy, who
sat across from her, took it a step further and dumped gravy on his entire
meal, along with salt and pepper. Then he ate it. Lenalee tried to ignore the
roiling feeling in her stomach, but it was hard when the ex-Order's three most
disgusting eaters were next to her.
"Nice jewel there," a sly voice mumbled in her ear, the tone carrying heavy
implication and lewd suggestion. Lenalee shifted her eyes and saw Amanda far
too close to her head. She smiled at the younger girl, probably a bit too
widely not to arouse suspicion, but Amanda seemed to ignore it. She did give
Lenalee a significant look, though, one that stated they would definitely be
talking later.
After the meal, most people got up from their seats to go chatter with friends,
and the Exorcists ended up in a large group, joined by a few soldiers who had
become close or, in Emiko's case, were family. There was a large amount of
Christmas spirit to be seen and heard, but there was an even greater abundance
of Christmas spirits to go around. Lolek had gotten out his special peppermint
schnapps, imported directly from his mother, and he was passing the bottles
around their tiny little circle of Exorcists.
"So..." he began, letting out a big grin as he placed a bottle on its side in
the middle of the group, "who cares for a game of spin the bottle?" Lenalee
forced the blush from her cheeks. It would give her a chance to have at Allen
with absolutely no strings attached, and perhaps the boy would finally start
paying her some attention--
"Can we add a twist?" Miranda asked shyly, raising a timid hand. Lolek looked
over at her, his expression softening in that puppy-dog way that showed he
cared very much for the German woman.
"What do you have in mind?" The blond man asked lightly, his eyes crinkling as
a smile formed on his face. He looked like such a sap, not that Lenalee could
complain. She'd seen Allen looking at her like that a couple of times, and she
couldn't help but hope that she wasn't misreading the signs. After all, the boy
was so dense...
"Well, if we don't want to kiss the other person, perhaps we could down the
bottle?" Miranda suggested, a sly grin on her face. Lenalee had missed that
expression. It had been lost after Marie's death. She was glad it was back,
that Lolek could make her feel confident enough to leave her shell once more.
On the other hand, Lenalee wasn't quite sure she liked the look on the Polish
man's face when the suggestion was made. It reminded her a lot of Allen's when
he was playing poker.
"So, who's in?" Lolek asked, taking a seat next to Miranda and opening his own
schnapps. He downed the bottle before the rest of the group sighed in
resignation and made themselves more comfortable. It was a surprise to no one
that Lolek took the first spin. Lenalee found the strange, bubbling pattern in
the bottle slightly hypnotizing, even as she realized that it had stopped in
front of her. The Polish man looked vaguely terrified but leaned forward and
pressed his lips to hers. She heard Allen harrumph next to her and smiled.
Perhaps this game would be very progressive, in terms of their relationship.
The next few rounds continued without much incident, with Allen being the first
to down the bottle so that he could escape kissing Cyrah. Though the younger
Exorcists had been excluded, the Generals had migrated over early in the game
and had joined up. Tamas had been taking the most hits, with three kisses, one
of which was from Hok'ee, which had been awkward. Amanda had smilingly ran back
to her room and returned with a big tub of mouthwash.
Around an hour after the game had begun, perhaps the most unfortunate--in
Lenalee's mind, anyway--thing happened. Yuu-kun and Lavi showed up to scavenge
some dinner for themselves. As they had been loading their plates, Amanda had
slunk over to them and led them over to their circle, neglecting to inform them
of what the game said circle was playing actually entailed.
"So, what are we playing?" Lavi asked upon seeing the bottle in the middle and
several brightly flushing Exorcists.
Amanda leaned over. "We're playing spin the bottle. You spin the bottle, and
whoever it points to when it stops you have to kiss, or you have to down an
entire bottle of peppermint schnapps! It's sooo much fun, you guys wanna play?"
Lenalee noted the horrifed look on Yuu-kun's face and the indecisive expression
on Lavi's.
"I'm not playing this ridiculous game," Yuu-kun growled, making to stand and
walk away.
"But Kanda, I already spun for you!" Chu-chan called from across the circle.
Lenalee watched, horrified, as the bottle began to slow, sloshing liquid
inside, and landed, facing Allen. The entire circle froze.
"No, no way in HELL am I letting Kanda kiss me!" The white-haired boy
exclaimed, jumping up.
"Aww c'mon, guys, where's your sense of duty! Kanda, you can't back out now,
either kiss 'im or drink the bottle," Amanda ordered.
Lenalee knew Yuu-kun didn't drink. It was the one constant about the dark-
haired man, he never drank. Whether he shied away from the alcohol due to his
past or not didn't matter, because if there was one steady fact about Yuu-kun,
it was his severe dislike of any type of alcohol. But he also didn't do
contact, and he hated Allen. This was quite a predicament, because neither one
would back down, either. As Amanda had pointed out, they both had a sense of
duty and honor that, once pulled into something, they would never back out. She
could see the anger and conflict on Yuu-kun's face as he came to the decision
she knew he inevitably would--his hatred of spirits would automatically trump
his hatred of Allen--and she also saw the sheer determination on Allen's. It
was normally something she admired, but she couldn't help but feel a pang of
something akin to fear as well as jealousy. It was strange, she supposed, to be
jealous of Yuu-kun, but under the circumstances, it wasn't surprising.
Yuu-kun's face was a hardened mask as he walked over to the white-haired boy at
Lenalee's side and awkwardly tilted his head up, scowling as he had to raise
himself on his toes to reach Allen's height. And even then, the white-haired
boy had to lean down a bit. Though Yuu-kun was a respectable height, he had
finished growing, something Allen had not. Their lips met briefly, and they
sprang apart as quick as humanly possible, making the kiss somewhat more like a
hen peck, rather than what had been going on before--anything from full-out
make out sessions between lovers to a fair amount of tongue between friends.
Still, Lenalee felt a shock going through her body, a hint of that long-
unfamiliar snaking tendril of desire. She repressed it, knowing now was not the
time nor the place, and shook her head, squeezing her eyes firmly closed.
By the time she reopened them, Yuu-kun and Lavi were walking off with their
plates, and the redhead was complaining with mock-furiosity to his lover.
"I swear I saw tongue!" The man exclaimed, scowling in a convincing manner at
Yuu-kun.
"If you don't want to die, I suggest you shut your mouth, rabbit!" Yuu-kun
growled loudly, his free hand twitching toward Mugen, which, concerningly, had
activated at his hip.
"What would you do? Stick Mugen through me and cook me over a fire?" Lavi
asked, probably rhetorically.
"Among other things," Yuu-kun retorted.
"Ne, ne,Yuu, roast me on your spit!"
They had to make a trip back to the table, because the Japanese man's plate had
ended up in Lavi's face. Lenalee turned away as they walked back, hiding a
blush.
"Lenalee, your turn. Spin, spin!" Road exclaimed, grinning widely.
Sighing, Lenalee did, crossing her fingers in hopes that the bottle would land
in front of Allen. And, of course, it didn't.
After being pulled into a sweeping kiss by Michel, the Chinese girl sat back
down next to her favorite person, who was still growling and glaring at the
one-handed Canadian. Angrily, he spun his turn, and Lenalee's heart skipped as
it pointed to her. She felt herself blushing as Allen leaned in and their lips
met in one of the longest kisses they had ever shared. It was soft and sweet,
and carried just a slight overtone of some heated emotion she had never felt
before in Allen. It was nice. It gave her hope that the white-haired boy wasn't
completely ignorant of her.
There were a few coughing noises in the background somewhere, but Lenalee
couldn't help but ignore them. Allen was hers for this all-too-brief moment,
and she was going to enjoy it.
When their kiss finally broke, they were both blushing. Looking around, Lenalee
noticed all the knowing looks they were receiving. She had heard all the rumors
about them, and deep down she really wished they were true, she wished that
Allen would just tell her how he felt, so that she wouldn't have to keep
walking on ice with him. She didn't want to alienate him, she wanted to be with
him all the time, just like they were now, she didn't want him to suddenly
decide that he would hurt her more by being around her than by not. It hurt her
to be away from him, to not tell him how she felt, because who knew how long
they had? She just hoped the boy would tell her before it was too late; she
didn't think she could bear losing him without him ever knowing for sure.
There was a small amount of nervous laughter from the others around them as
they tried to get through the awkward moment. Something about the atmosphere
conveyed Lenalee's emotions. Maybe it was the way she was looking at Allen now-
-she couldn't help but just stare deeply into his lively silver eyes--or maybe
it was the way he was looking back at her, the way he was opening his mouth as
if to say something very important. Lenalee held her breath, barely daring to
hope.
"Lenalee, I..." Allen whispered, looking only at her, and the Chinese girl
decided she could ignore the onlookers for just a little bit longer. "I..."
Allen was blushing, a good sign. "...I--"
Someone cleared their throat loudly, and suddenly, music blasted through the
air. She didn't mean to, but she looked over, and what she saw almost--almost--
made her want to gouge her eyes out. Darcy's shirt was definitely off, and it
was definitely being lassoed about above his head as he whooped and drank
deeply from the bottle of schnapps in his other hand. Amanda clapped and
cheered, egging him on. All the other Exorcists joined in. Lenalee was too
shocked to turn back to Allen, and she knew the moment had been ruined and that
she'd never hear what Allen had to say.
"This is for all you sexy ladies!" Darcy roared, and the music grew louder. He
raised his arms up above his head and stepped into the middle of the circle.
Lenalee watched, somewhere between horror-struck and transfixed, as the man
began to writhe, sinking to the ground, shaking his bottom the whole way down
and laying on his back.
Sitting up and then going down on all fours, he started to... crawl toward
Allen, giving him for all the world a predatory smile. Pulling himself into the
mortified boy's lap, Darcy straddled him. Lenalee was horrified as the Irishman
leaned in and licked Allen's neck from shoulder blade to earlobe. He then did a
rather acrobatic leap off, doing a back flip and landing once again in the
center of the circle. As the music heated up, so did Darcy's dance. He was soon
kicking out of his boots, which were thrown unceremoniously over Tamas's head,
hitting an unsuspecting Finder in the back of the neck. Lenalee felt bad for
the man, but her attention was soon drawn away again as the ginger man slid out
of his black leather Exorcist pants and was only in his pink, red heart-
patterned boxers. They clashed mightily with his hair. He strutted over to
Amanda, hips swinging almost like a woman's, and he turned around and fell into
her lap, much to the America girl's glee.
"Darcy, you big hunk of Irish meat!" Amanda shouted over the music, just so
everyone could hear.
"Don't you mean potato?" The semi-nude Irishman questioned, slightly out of
breath from his previous acrobatics.
"Well, fry me up and call me a chip," Amanda answered... sultrily was the only
word to describe her tone of voice.
"Oh, I'll do more than that, babe," the man responded, winking suggestively at
his girlfriend.
Lenalee really wished she hadn't heard that, because soon the two were gone,
and Lenalee had no illusions as to what they would be doing, even though she
had to pretend she didn't.
"Where are they going, Allen?" She asked sweetly, and of course, the young
British boy blushed, stuttering out some half-formed excuse, which only the
incredibly dull would buy. But she smiled anyway and nodded; she had to keep
Allen convinced of her innocence, even if it was only out of force of habit.
The party started to fizzle out around nine o'clock in the evening. With all
the alcohol and food gone, there was no more reason to be out, and people began
to filter back into their quarters. Lenalee and Allen, along with a few others,
cleaned up the remains of their feast and settled down to an evening of
watching old Christmas shows on the television that someone had brought. Well,
they were old to the people who had grown up watching them, but to Lenalee,
Allen, and Miranda, everything was brand new and incredibly entertaining.
Lenalee especially liked the one about the boy who wanted a bb gun for
Christmas. There was also one with a mean old green man who stole Christmas
from a small village in a snowy mountain range. Allen like the adaptation of
Charles Dickens's story, "A Christmas Carol," although Lenalee thought the
ghosts were kind of creepy. They reminded her a bit of Akuma, only less
realistic.
Krista and the small British boy, Elliot, watched a movie about a reindeer with
a bright, glowing nose, who was hated by everyone until it was discovered that
he was needed. There was also a movie about a magical snowman, who, when
someone put a magical hat on his head, began to dance around. It sounded like
it was inspired by Innocence.
After the movies, Vikram and Emiko started singing Christmas carols, and though
both were horribly out of tune, the melodies were catchy. People started
joining in until Maya put the kabash on it because they were too noisy and she
wanted her beauty rest. They couldn't complain; it was three o'clock in the
morning, after all.
Yawning tiredly, the remaining partiers returned to their rooms, satisfied and
joyful. There was not a sour face in sight--well, Allen was still kind of upset
with Elliot. The boy had tried to set his hair on fire, and had succeeded only
in singeing the ends, but as Allen said, it was the principal of the thing.
Lenalee supposed that she, too, would have been upset to suddenly smell burning
hair and see a skinny, dark-haired pre-teen holding a lighter to the back of
her head.
"You didn't lose much, Allen. It looks fine. You could go for a hair cut,
though, it is getting a bit long, and you don't want your hair to get in the
way of fighting any Akuma, do you?"
The boy looked at her in what was obviously fake offense. "What Akuma? There
hasn't been an Akuma sighting in months," the boy responded dejectedly.
"Don't change the subject, Allen!" She exclaimed, not wanting the happiness of
the day to be overshadowed. "Let's think of happy things, just for today! This
is the happiest Christmas I've ever had!"
And that was true; she couldn't recall ever completely forgetting about the
war, the death, the overwhelming sadness, even during the brighter moments.
Today was the first time she had forgotten that her brother was no longer there
to share in her happiness.
"Even without Komui. This has been the happiest day, and I don't want to go
back to being sad, at least not for now, so please, just... let's not think
about it."
Allen gave her a soft smile, the one he always showed when he was telling her
he agreed and that she was right. It was his way of apologizing to her without
having to say anything at all. Smiling, the dark-haired girl pulled him into a
strong hug, willing away all the bad thoughts that had seemed to worm their
squirmy little ways through the thick layer of warmth and cheer.
As they lay down for sleep, with Allen's arms wrapped tightly around her,
Lenalee knew she could never want anything more than to have this moment last
forever, hoping that after the Earl was gone, it would still continue. Smiling
contentedly, she pretended to drift off, whispering the words she longed to
hear from Allen, hoping that he would say them back one day when he didn't
think that she was asleep and couldn't hear.
---
They took a shower. And then they took a nap. After returning to the Ark, both
were too exhausted from yesterday's emotions and today's activities to do
anything more than bathe and sleep. There had been a small spark in Lavi's eye,
but it had faded under the methodical pounding of the water on their backs.
They weren't stupid, they didn't share a shower head--not unless they were
going to do something else, which Yuu would never let happen, because showers
were for getting clean, not dirtying oneself further--but they were in stalls
next to one another. By the time they had clasped hands and made to return to
the room, Lavi's only visible eyelid was drooping, and the man walked in
stumbling shuffles, leaning heavily on Yuu's shoulder.
When they woke up a few hours later to the riotous noise outside--and the
riotous noise inside, since Lavi's stomach was rumbling something awful--there
had been an unspoken agreement to get food. Unfortunately, the redhead had
gained some semblance of self, which forced Yuu to empty his plate on the man's
face. Fucking kissing games, fucking Generals, fucking Moyashis, fucking lewd
suggestions, fucking Lavi. After grabbing another plate, he stormed back to the
room, intent on reaching the mouthwash. Lavi looked at him with a bemused
expression as he scoured his mouth several times over before sitting down to
his cold meal of turkey, yams, and something odd-looking that the redhead had
called stuffing.
The Japanese man had to admit, though, that times like these were the most
relaxing, when he and his lover were simply with each other, side by side. A
coexistance, one might call it. There was something darker in their
relationship, something deep and troubled and very, very wrong. Unhealthy. Yuu
knew that, Lavi probably knew it too, but neither of them truly cared, because
all that mattered was the other. Perhaps if Yuu hadn't been so hurt, Lavi so
broken, it would have been different. Perhaps if Yuu had grown up with a caring
father and a healthy mother, he wouldn't have been so afraid to get close to
people. Maybe if Lavi hadn't become a Bookman, if his parents had loved him and
refused to give him away, he would have been found as an Exorcist. They could
have met, still. They could have become friends, probably. Maybe Yuu wouldn't
hate Moyashi so much--no, that was a cosmic constant, it couldn't ever change--
but at the very least, maybe they could have a civil conversation. Perhaps.
But if that had happened, if they had both grown up normally, the qualities
that attracted them to each other would have been lost, and their relationship
would probably stay that of just friends. Lavi would still be Liam. It never
would have happened. That hurt to think about, of course, the possibility of
them not being together, but it was also refreshing. Yuu had never thought
thinking of impossibilities would ever be relaxing, but now it had become so.
He wondered when that had changed.
It surprised him that he wanted friends now. He'd never call them that, but the
idea was still there, in his head. He wanted to talk with Lenalee, he wanted to
laugh with her. He'd never admit it to anyone but himself, but he wanted to
play with Krista, treat her as a younger sister that he had never had. Even if
she was a Little Fucker and needed to be severely punished for knocking him
down a flight of stairs and causing part of his Lotus to die. He wanted to slap
Darcy for being an idiot, to return Amanda's ridiculous bear hugs, to smile at
Lolek and tell him that he'd better take care of Miranda, to tell Miranda that
he didn't blame her for what happened, that it wasn't her fault, that she
should stop blaming herself, and that she was like an older sister to him. He
wanted all this and more, and he knew that his nature would never allow for
most of it.
But there was hope.
That was what he thought about as he stared at his plate, picking through items
and eating them slowly, carefully. He was aware of Lavi's gaze on him sometime
around when he swallowed his last bite of yams and started working on his green
beans, but he ignored it, instead pondering the possibilities of what if.
"Ne, Yuu, whatcha thinkin' 'bout?" The Baka Usagi asked from his kneeling
position on the floor across from the Japanese man. Yuu put down his fork
contemplatively, chewing his final bite of dinner just as slowly as he had
been.
"Possibilities," he finally said. It was vague, but he didn't know what else to
say. Lavi's face scrunched up in that cute way it did when he was trying to
think through something but was failing miserably. It looked almost as if he
was trying to sprout rabbit ears from his head. His nose twitched, his eyelid
quivered, and his mouth bent upward slightly. Yuu was probably the only person
who saw it as anything remotely rabbit-like. But he was glad of that fact.
"What kinda possibilities?" The redhead finally asked, giving an infinitesimal
shrug. The Japanese man couldn't help it, he smiled. It was slight, but from
the small widening of Lavi's good eye, he knew the other man saw it.
"Just... possibilities," he shrugged.
"Is that why you jumped me today, in the confessional booth... possibilities?"
"No," Yuu replied. That wasn't it. He tried not to get distracted by the
evening rays in Lavi's hair as he contemplated what to say. "...You looked...
sad."
"I did?" Lavi said blankly, blinking.
"Your eye did that thing where it looks flat and really, really deep at the
same time, and it darkened. Your face was slack, your gaze far away. Normally,
when you look like that, you're sad."
The rabbit looked taken aback, as if he hadn't thought Yuu was that observant.
He probably hadn't, though. "I was just thinkin' about my time as Bookman," the
younger man finally said, his voice almost a wistful sigh, only Yuu could tell
that he wasn't looking back with nostalgia. There was an undertone to his
voice, something broken or sad, defeated, and Yuu didn't like it. It reminded
him of how hurt Lavi had been during the summer.
It wasn't time to scoff, it wasn't time for a whatever. He needed to know, not
because he desired to understand what Lavi had gone through, but because the
stupid rabbit needed to tell someone or he'd burst. Maybe that would be a long
time in the future, but if Lavi kept it all inside, just like Yuu, he would
reject the world, shy away from reality, until he was a shell of his normal,
quirky self, a dry husk of the vibrant man Yuu loved. "Will you tell me?" He
found himself asking. Yuu was pretty sure he hadn't told his mouth to make the
sounds, but they were out in the world, reverberating through the tiny bones of
Lavi's inner ear.
The redhead shuddered and looked away, something between guilt and trauma in
his features. "Not now," he said, and his voice was shaking. "I'm still trying
to work through it. There's so much, so many terrible things I've seen, and I
can't--I can't... not now..."
Kneeing his way across the floor, Yuu brushed the plates away, not caring what
nasty shit got on Lavi's stupid-ass rug-that-needed-to-get-out-of-his-sight-
right-now, and pulled his lover's head to his shoulder. He didn't make hushing
noises, but he rocked the two of them back and forth, using the hand not
brushing through Lavi's hair to rub the man's back. Lavi didn't cry, nor did he
whimper or make any other weak or needy noise, but he did shake. He shook hard,
tiny gasps of suppressed memories pulling themselves from his throat. It
sounded like dry sobbing, though Yuu knew it was different. Late at night, back
when he was young, the same thing had happened to him. In fear, he had kept the
lights off and trusted his senses to alert him to danger, and he had pulled
himself into a small, protective ball. And he had quivered, had shaken like a
leaf in gale-force wind. He had trembled and twitched and at times had looked
like he was having a seizure. All the while, he had gasped in air, needing more
and more than his lung capacity would allow him. And that would happen until
the spell had faded, and then he would go out to the woods with Mugen and train
until he could barely keep his eyes open, and even then, he'd keep going, just
because he didn't want to seem weak, even at his feeblest moment.
The whole time, he supposed, he had just wanted someone to hold him close, even
though at the time, the thought of any contact with another human being seemed
both repulsive and weak. Even though every touch reminded him of his father and
what he had gone through. But now, if he had the same terror, he knew he would
want Lavi there, holding him tightly and whispering those stupid things that he
always said--some shit about it being okay, to hush and let himself be cared
for, et cetera--into his ear as he petted Yuu's hair and rubbed his back like
he was some kind of cat. So that was what he did now, except for the
whispering, because he wasn't going to say something that wasn't true, and it
sounded stupid anyway.
Eventually, Lavi calmed, and they didn't talk about it when he changed into
pajamas amidst a roar of laughter from the party in the courtyard. They were
likewise silent as the man collapsed into the bed. Yuu pulled the covers over
him and allowed his wrist to be grabbed as Lavi stared up at him, his eyes
shining with an emotion the dark-haired man could not name.
"My present... it's in the top drawer of my dresser. Will you get it?" His
voice wasn't hoarse, but there was a coarse quality to it, as if he was trying
very, very hard to keep his emotions at bay. It wasn't surprising. Yuu nodded
and walked over to the dresser. He pulled out a lumpy but impeccably wrapped
gift, and he walked back to the bed, stopping only to reach into his own
dresser and produce his gift to Lavi. Something fluttered to the floor,
probably an article of clothing, but he ignored it, since Lavi was his priority
at the moment.
He tried to keep the paper neat as he unwrapped his present. The Japanese man
was pleasantly surprised to find something useful within, a long, white
bathrobe to replace the small, fraying towel he'd been issued at the beginning
of the summer. It was soft, softer than towels should be, but it was useful.
Immediately, it meant a lot. Lavi had understood that he hated trinkets and
meaningless possessions. He had probably thought long and hard on what to get
him, and then he had looked for quality. It probably hadn't been more than
twenty or thirty pounds, but it was never the money that counted. Yuu felt a
smile on his face as he lowered his present.
"Thank you," he said, genuinely meaning it for one of the few times in his
life. He leaned down and kissed Lavi, letting his lips linger for a moment
before pulling up. The redhead looked stunned.
"You... thanked...?" The man asked, and Yuu chuckled under his breath. Lavi's
eye widened, and a smile formed on his face.
"Of course, Baka."
Placing his present in Lavi's hands, Yuu watched the redhead demolish the paper
and box. His eye lit up, a wide grin on his face, as he saw what Yuu had gotten
him. Immediately, the man put on the orange scarf, looking overjoyed. Yuu knew
at once it was no act, and he felt somewhat pleased with himself that he had
managed to change Lavi's mood so thoroughly.
"I always wanted one o' these again, but I couldn't find the damn thing!
Thanks, Yuu-chan!" Lavi kissed his cheek.
At that moment, Yuu realized what was missing, and when he turned around, he
saw the card on the floor. It was stupid and generic, but Lenalee had told him
to get it, so he had. He sat up and went to pick it up, but then he realized
something was still wrong. Flipping it open, he ignored his quickly written
Happy Christmas,Baka Usagi and went to the desk for a pen. With quick, fluid
motions, he wrote in Japanese the one thing he could not verbalize.
When he handed it to Lavi, the man's eye flew across the page, and his face
settled into a soft expression Yuu saw only when the other man was staring at
him and thought he wasn't looking. "Ore mo," Lavi whispered.
Yuu smiled. They kissed again, and the Japanese man couldn't help but feel
perfectly content as they fell into each other's arms, negative emotions and
fatigue chased away by the sudden passion they felt. Their gifts were pushed
aside, along with wrapping paper and boxes and cards, and as they lay in each
other's arms much later, Yuu looked at that fucking orange rug and saw his
message shining in a pool of moonlight spilling in from the window. Aishiteru,
it said, and he mouthed the word, grasping Lavi's hand tighter and sinking more
into the man's back.
---
***** How Can I be Like a Girl *****
Chapter_28—How_Can_I_be_Like_a_Girl
December 28, 2013—Central Park
Christmas passed without much incident. Lavi and Kanda had gone missing, though
Emiko had a vague idea that they had run off to be alone for the day. After the
feast and some rather risqué games that ladies shouldn’t have been
participating in, though Vikram had forced her, Amanda and Darcy had done the
same. The rest of the former Order—they were thinking of new titles for
themselves, without success, though Allen had suggested the Coalition Army—had
spent the day in the warm sun of the Main Plaza of Allen’s Ark. There had been
an actual celebration, with presents and turkey and kegs of beer. It had been a
very rowdy, very happy Christmas, Emiko reflected, a vague smile on her face.
On the twenty-sixth, things had calmed down. Everyone saw Lavi walking around
with a new orange scarf. Amanda sported a very fetching pair of earrings.
Miranda had replaced the simple gold band on her middle finger with a dainty
silver one on which sat a tiny sapphire. Emiko hadn’t gotten anything from
Vikram, though. They’d been too busy to go shopping beforehand. Which was why
they were out in the bitter cold of New York City’s Central Park after a quick
tour through the nearby stores.
Vikram was complaining about the belt she’d just bought him, though she wasn’t
being quiet about her objections to the socks he’d bought her. They were cute,
she supposed, if you liked little knitted depictions of Santa getting mauled by
a reindeer. Then again, she couldn’t talk, as she’d given him a lurid green
belt with highlighter orange studs embellishing it.
“I’ll treasure it forever,” he said sarcastically, and Emiko rolled her eyes.
“You’d better,” she laughed. Trying her luck, she bumped their hands together,
grabbing Vikram’s before he could pull away. But he didn’t try, though he did
look somewhat nervous. He kept glancing around, but he didn’t let go, and that
was the point.
Abruptly, he stopped. “Will you tell me what Road did to you?” He asked
bluntly, pulling her other hand into his. She looked away. It wouldn’t hurt…
but…
“What do you want to know?” She found herself saying.
“Everything,” he said.
“Can we sit down?” She asked, and he nodded, leading her to a snow-covered
bench. He was gentleman enough, surprisingly, to wipe it off, and he even let
Emiko sit on him. It was a nice position, she reflected, but then she sobered.
“Remember how we were playing Hide ‘N’ Seek?” She asked. Vikram nodded. “Well,
Chu-chan was ‘it’ that time. You ran in the other direction from me. I remember
running north, back toward the Asian Branch. I saw this girl—she seemed only a
few years older than me. She asked me if I was an Exorcist. I nodded and got my
Innocence out. I didn’t synch well at that point, but I thought she was a Level
One Akuma or something. She smiled, and a door appeared. She asked me if I
wanted to play with her, but I told her I was playing with you guys. She said
she was more fun, though, and then she knocked me out. I don’t know how, I
didn’t see her coming. She took my Innocence with her. I don’t know why she
never destroyed it. I think it was because she always planned on taking me
back. I think it may be because I was her play toy.”
Emiko didn’t know when she’d stopped talking and had fallen into the icy clasp
of bittersweet memory, but she eventually found herself reliving the horrors
that Road had made her live through.
-
The first thing Sasaki saw was the cracked paint on the ceiling. The girl was
standing over him, her spiky, black hair hanging as she looked down. He could
see up her skirt, so he averted his eyes. He had no interest in seeing girls’
panties, not like Vikram and Chu-chan.
“What’s your name?” The girl asked, her voice high and almost sweet. Sasaki
opened his mouth to answer, but it felt dry, as if someone had stuck cotton
inside it. He tried to make a sound, but it came out as a rusty croak. “Do you
need water?”
Sasaki closed his mouth and nodded, pleading the girl with his eyes. She walked
out of his sight, and a moment later, she was helping him up, pressing an
overlarge glass of water in his hands. He accepted it gratefully, and though
the first swallow was painful, the water was cold and wet against his tongue.
It felt good. He drained the entire glass.
“Now, could you tell me your name? You were looking so cute in the forest that
I just had to take you with me!” The girl was smiling down at him in a way that
was supposed to be sweet but turned out somewhat scary.
“Sa-Sasaki,”He said, “M-M-Morikawa Sasaki desu.”
“I’m sorry, but I don’t speak Japanese. You probably aren’t very good at
English yet, are you? Don’t worry, I can help you! My name is Road.” She
offered a smile that was more sweet this time, but Sasaki still didn’t trust
it, though he didn’t know why. Something was off with this girl.
“Er… where am I?” Sasaki asked tremulously. He didn’t know why, but he was
starting to get very scared. Even though he was a boy and wasn’t supposed to
be.
“Oh, you’re on the Ark, of course, in my room! See, I just wanted a playmate.
It’s so lonely. My sister is asleep, and she won’t wake up. Would you mind
keeping me company, Sasaki-chan?”
Sasaki nodded mutely. He didn’t know what else to do.
“Then let’s play dress-up, ‘kay?” Road said, going into a closet and pulling
out a monumentally-sized gilded chest.
“But boys aren’t supposed to play dress-up,” Sasaki complained. One time, the
girls in the Science Department had dressed him and Chu-chan and Vikram in girl
clothing, and it had been very embarrassing. His ears turned red just from the
thought.
The girl paused, her smile slipping just a bit. “You’re a boy!?” She exclaimed.
Her smile grew again, and she added, “Well, I have a better game, then. How
about we play let’s-pretend and we pretend you’re a girl? How ‘bout that,
Sasaki-chan?”
Sasaki shook his head.
“Aww, but I want to! Hey, can I call you Emiko? I think that’s much cuter and
girlier, don’t you?” Road asked. Sasaki tried to shrink away, but the girl
pulled at his wrists, making him stand up. He was dizzy, but she wouldn’t let
him fall.
“My name is Sasaki,” he insisted, but Road wasn’t listening. She was already
going through her chest, searching for all sorts of girly clothing to dress him
in.
“How about this one, Emiko-chan!?” She suggested loudly, showing him a lurid
pink, frilly number that looked a lot like the princess dress the Science
Department women had forced Chu-chan to wear. Sasaki shook his head, horrified.
The girl approached him anyway, holding it out to him. He tried to back up, but
he was too dizzy. He fell, and Road descended on him, dressing him in the ugly
outfit, all the while smiling with a hint of evil.
-
“Emiko-chan, you eat atrociously! I’ve told you this a million times, you need
to use your fork and knife like this!”
Road got up from her spot on the other side of the table and rushed over to
him. She put her hands over his and directed him in the proper ways to use the
utensils. As soon as she left his side, he once again tried to eat with them,
but the movements were all awkward.
“Geez, Emiko-chan, you’re so bad at this! But girls need to eat properly. You
know, Sarah taught me these. She told me I was a bad girl if I didn’t eat with
the utensils like that. You don’t want to be a bad girl, do you, Emiko? It’s
not ladylike to be a bad girl.”
Sasaki knew what happened if he wasn’t a good girl, if he wasn’t ladylike. Road
had made it clear that he would get hurt if he didn’t do it right. It wasn’t
much—just a slap here or there or sometimes a kick to the groin (which she said
shouldn’t hurt, but it did)—but it all added up. Emiko had never liked
pain.No!Sasaki shook his head to clear it.Sasaki didn’t like pain. He didn’t
like pain.
Road came up to his side. “Are you trying to tell me no, Emiko-chan? That’s a
bad idea. It’s not ladylike. You’re being a bad girl, Emiko!”
She tore the dress off, and an Akuma came into the room. Sasaki braced herself.
She—no he—no... Sasaki didn’t know anymore—didn’t like the pain that came next.
The bruising strike was followed by another and then another. It didn’t stop at
the third this time. He felt something break. He screamed out in pain.
“Boys don’t scream, so you must be a girl, right, Emiko-chan?” Road asked,
pulling the Exorcist up and laying her out on the nearby bed. Emiko nodded,
though she was in such pain that she didn’t know why. No, he was Sasaki, right?
Or was that his surname? He didn’t know anymore.
“You’re a girl, right?” Road insisted. Emiko nodded again, more resolutely. She
was a girl, right? How many months had she been in this pain? All because she
sometimes thought she was a boy…whyhad she thought that?
“You’re a girl, aren’t you?” Road asked a third time, and Emiko felt the thing
that had broken be placed properly. He screamed out again. It hurt.
“Are you or aren’t you?”
“Y-yes! I’m a girl!” He shouted. Because he was, wasn’t she?
-
Emiko sat at the table, eating as delicately as possible, just as Road had
taught her. She didn’t hurt anymore, except for the light throb from the broken
shoulder bone that had happened three months ago. It was mostly healed, but it
tended to hurt every once in a while.
“Hey, Emiko-chan!” Road said, coming up beside her. “Are you done with
breakfast?”
Emiko nodded, giving her friend and captor a smile. She loved playing with
Road, even though she knew she shouldn’t. She didn’t quite remember why. Her
memory was a bit fuzzy, but she didn’t mind. Road was there for her, as always.
“Wanna play with me?” Road asked. Emiko smiled brightly at her.
“Can we play dress-up? It’s my favorite! I love that one gold dress of yours.
It’s so pretty!”
“Yeah, that’s a great idea!” Road exclaimed, taking Emiko’s hand and pulling
her along until they reached the closet that held the beautiful, gold-rimmed
chest that held all of her dress-up clothes.
Road opened the closet and pulled out things for them to wear, just like
always. This time, though, she produced a pair of gorgeous heels. “They’re too
small for me—will you try them, Emiko-chan?” She asked. The Japanese girl
nodded and stepped into them, walking around just like Road had made her
practice a month ago.
“Wow, Emiko-chan, you look so ladylike in those! Look how smoothly you walk.
You’re so pretty,” Road complimented, clapping her hands. “You should see
yourself in the mirror! Let’s go to the full-length one in the bathroom.”
They walked—or in Emiko’s case, clacked—over to the bathroom that was just off
of Road’s room, smiles of joy on their faces. They were having so much fun.
When they got there, though, there was a scary-looking older boy there. He had
large muscles, and he was glaring down at them angrily.
“Road, what the fuck is this?” He asked menacingly. The spiky-haired girl’s
face went dark, an expression Emiko had never seen before. It was scary, too.
“I’m playing. Do you have a problem with that, Chaz? You play with the humans,
too, don’t you?”
“I smell Innocence around, it’s making my skin—”
“I don’t give a shit about your skin. Stop acting like you’re gay and go worry
about something else. Honestly, Chaz, didn’t the Earl tell you to go after
those stupid Exorcist twins? Why don’t you actually do your job?”
“They’re too powerful when they’re together,” the scary boy—Chaz, Emiko
remembered—said, sounding almost sheepish. He looked around at anything but the
two girls in front of him.
“Then kill one of them while you distract the other. They’ve got the same
Innocence, don’t they? It’s not that hard.”
“I’ll do it later,” he said.
“You’d better. The Earl doesn’t like it when you slack,” Road patronized,
wagging a playful finger.
“Aren’t you doing the same?” The mean boy shot back. Road giggled.
“I don’t have an assignment right now.I’mcompletely free.”
The boy growled and stomped out of the room. Road sighed in seeming relief.
“Who was that?” Emiko asked, pulling on Road’s sleeve.
“It’s not safe for you to be here anymore, Emiko-chan. I’m taking you home. I
was gonna destroy your Innocence, but you can have it back. Just don’t expect
me to go easy on you just because we’re friends.”
Emiko didn’t understand what Road was saying, but a second later, there was a
diamond-patterned door right in front of her, and the other girl was ushering
her through. She recognized the building immediately, though she couldn’t quite
place it.
“Best of luck, Emiko-chan, you’ll need it. We had fun, though, didn’t we?” Road
called, stepping back through the door as it disappeared. Emiko looked around,
confused. How could it just disappear like that, like it had just melted into
the scenery? Sighing, she decided to go inside. It was raining and cold, so
that seemed like a good choice.
When she stepped in, though, there was a surprised voice.
“…Sasaki?”
-
“Emiko—Emiko? Are you listening to me?” Vikram said, shaking her a bit.
Stunned, Emiko blinked in confusion.
“I’m sorry, Vikram. Where did I leave off?” She asked, facing him.
“You said something about Road leaving you at the door…” Vikram started, but
his voice drifted off into nothing.
“Oh, I was saying that out loud? I guess that means I don’t have to relive it
again, then,” Emiko said, shrugging. She didn’t really mind anymore. She’d
gotten so used to the flashbacks ever since Road had joined them that they were
becoming normal. She wasn’t traumatized by them any longer. She just wished
they’d stop appearing in front of her eyes.
Vikram pulled her into a tight hug, one of his hands holding her head firmly to
his chest. Emiko was surprised to feel her eyes leaking a bit. She shook,
whether with cold or emotion she didn’t know, and Vikram held her closer.
“I’m never calling you Emiko again. I should never have humored you with that,
anyway. I’m so sorry, Sasaki,” he muttered into her hair, pulling her closer
still.
She hugged him back for lack of anything better to do. “Why did you?” She
asked, her voice muffled by his chest.
“Because you asked me to call you that. I couldn’t refuse—you looked so
different, your eyes were so haunted, although you didn’t seem to think they
were. They were distant and… weird. And you kept saying you were a girl,
someone named Emiko. I just… you needed support, so I gave it to you. But I’m
not doing that anymore, Emi. Can I… call you Sasaki now?”
Emiko nodded against his chest. Vikram pulled back a bit, and when she looked
up, it was in time for his lips to descend on hers. It was soft and quick and
very undecided, as if Vikram was still testing himself. Emiko leaned back a
bit, just staring into his eyes.
“You don’t know yet, do you?” She asked. Vikram looked conflicted and shook his
head. “It’s okay, you still have time. Tell me when you do, okay?”
He nodded and hugged her again. “I’m sorry, Sasaki, I’m still really confused,”
he admitted.
Emiko chuckled a bit. “That makes two of us.”
“How so?” He asked, his eyebrows raising in question.
“Well, I’m trying to decide if I’m a man or not. I still feel like a girl, but
I’ve got man-parts, and they react in a manly wa—”
“Okay, I get the picture,” Vikram said, dumping her from his lap and standing
up, blushing and purposefully not looking at her.
“They aren’t now, you dolt!” She yelled in exasperation. “As if I would get
turned on by you!”
Vikram whirled around, his face surprised and his eyes filled with something
that looked suspiciously like hurt. “You… wouldn’t?” he asked in a tiny voice.
She felt like hitting herself in the face. “You’re such an idiot! Of—of course
I would, but I wouldn’t now! We’re in the middle of Central Park, freezing to
death!”
And suddenly, she was thrown into the snow, Vikram on top of her, coughing in a
way that didn’t sound healthy.
“Vikram?” she asked, but the Indian man was already dragging her to her feet,
his Innocence blazing around his wrist. Emiko felt herself being pulled down
the paved trail, faster than her liking. She looked back and saw, with horror,
the familiar, smiling face of Noah’s Strength. Emiko activated her Nunchucks
and wrenched her arm from Vikram’s grasp. Turning on her heel, she faced the
advancing Noah.
Her Innocence impacted the man’s chest but he wasn’t fazed at all, it only
succeeded in diverting his punch, which landed in her gut, sending her flying.
All the breath was knocked from her lungs, and she was unable to move.
She watched helplessly as Vikram’s Innocence struck, snakelike, at the Noah,
winding around Strength’s wrist and biting down like a viper, releasing
Innocence-ridden venom into the muscled man’s bloodstream. Strength hissed in
pain but was strong enough to grab the Innocence constricting his wrist and
yank it forward, Vikram flying along with it. Strength’s fist connected
sickeningly with Vikram’s jaw. Emiko tried to stand up, but her stomach muscles
were cramping too hard. She watched once more as Vikram was tossed away like a
ragdoll. A few meters away, an all-too-familiar door appeared. Emiko sunk
farther back into the snow.
Road was there.
Kanda and Lavi both walked out, carrying activated Innocence in their hands and
glaring angrily at the strong Noah who was decimating the Asian Exorcists.
“Fuck!” She heard Kanda exclaim. A second later, she heard an explosion, and
when she looked up, she saw three Level Threes raining attacks down on the
newly-arrived Exorcists.
“Chaz, stop this!” Road screamed, but Lavi held her back.
“This isn’t your fight, Road! We’re not in your world or the Ark. You can’t
manipulate anything. Just let us deal with the bastard,” the redheaded Exorcist
said. She deflated and moved backward, walking back through her door
dejectedly.
“Hiding, are you?” A voice above her cackled. While she hadn’t been paying
attention, Strength had come up next to her, and now he was looming evilly,
just as he had back when Emiko had been a little girl. She couldn’t move to get
away, her stomach muscles wouldn’t work, and her legs were like puddles of
jelly.
He kicked her, hitting the tender spot he’d already punched. She went flying
again, passing over a mailbox before landing in another snowdrift. There were
two explosions as Kanda and Lavi destroyed two of the Level Threes. Eyes
tearing up in pain, coughing up blood, Emiko watched the rest of the battle,
transfixed.
Kanda turned to the last Akuma, a determined glimmer in his eye. Behind him,
Strength loomed. The American Noah hauled back for a disfiguring punch, but
Lavi screamed something and jumped in its path. Chaz’s fist connected with the
redhead’s shoulder, and there was a resounding pop as Lavi, too, went flying.
There was a strange sound as he hit the cement. Lavi whimpered, the pole of his
Innocence extending toward the Noah, only to be batted away as if it was
nothing more threatening than a fly.
By that time, the third Level Three was nothing more than flames and oil, and
Kanda turned around to face off with the Noah. A door appeared in midair, and
Road jumped out, attacking him like a feral monkey. She screeched and brought
her arms too tightly around the Noah’s large, muscled neck.
“Chaz! What happened to Moral Strength? Stop attacking them, they haven’t done
anything wrong!” She exclaimed, tightening her arms. Two candles appeared in
her hands, though she couldn’t manipulate them like she could in her own world
or in the Ark. Emiko found herself glad—she’d been on the end of those candles
before, and it hadn’t been pleasant. Her arm twitched in remembered pain, but
she ignored it, trying and failing to stand again. She coughed, too hard, and
more blood ruined the pure white blanket of snow.
Chaz started to turn blue behind his ashen features. Road began stabbing him
anywhere she could reach with the candles, though they barely broke his skin at
all. Kanda was already trying to cut at the dark Noah, though his attacks did
barely any more damage. Scowling, Kanda activated his blade further.
“Shigentou,” he muttered, and his blade separated into two. The blades then
connected with the addition of two more that became rounded near Kanda’s hands.
It was a deadly, double-ended spear that would cut anyone but Kanda—and
perhaps, Emiko amended, Lavi.
Another door appeared a moment later, this one from the Ark, and Emiko let
herself pass out as a veritable line of Exorcists marched out to face Chaz, who
was starting to look panicked. There was another blow that hit her. She dropped
down, unable to stop the blackness from eating at her vision.
---
The snake of beads shot out, biting at Strength with all of Vikram’s willpower.
Moyashi sent his sword after the Noah, who dodged it, leaving Emiko-kun and
running through a hastily-made Ark portal. Yuu made to run after the Noah, but
then he remembered Lavi was lying somewhere, injured, because he had been
stupid enough to jump in front of him.
“Who’s injured?” He heard Allen call out as he searched for the stupid redhead.
If he was still alive, Yuu was going to kill him. He passed Road, who was
covered in blood—whether hers or someone else’s, Yuu didn’t care. She was
tending to the Ass-Crack Indian. He was thrashing at her, but in the end, he
was too weak to hold her off for long. Yuu saw Road’s disappointed look but
passed by, not caring if she was upset over one tiny rebuke. In his opinion,
she shouldn’t have expected everyone to forgive her at all. It was surprising
how many people had. Yuu himself was indifferent to the situation. There was a
small anger left over from the time she’d hurt Lavi, but other than that, he
had no real opinion of the girl, nor did he need one.
He heard a groan that sounded very rabbit-like, but as he looked around, he
couldn’t find its source.
“Kanda!” Moyashicalled. Yuu looked over. Perhaps Moyashi had found Lavi?
He scowled down and the white-haired idiot, who was currently splayed over
Lavi’s legs, obviously having tripped over them.
“You want to help me carry Lavi to the hospital?” He asked, smiling sheepishly
up at Yuu. The dark-haired Exorcist intensified his scowl, and Allen shivered.
It gave Yuu a warm feeling that he could still scare other people.
Moyashi pulled himself up onto his knees and then asked, “Lavi, what hurts?”
“My pride,” Lavi groaned. “I think my shoulder got dislocated from that pu—and
FUCK ALLEN, DON’T TOUCH MY HIP!”
Yuu hit Allen upside the head in a gesture to get him to go away. Moyashi got
the picture and moved back to create a door into the Ark. He went inside and
returned a moment later with a gurney. Yuu stared contemplatively down at Lavi,
unsure of how to move him. It seemed that any way would hurt him, and though
the other man deserved it, the thought of hurting him was actually repulsive to
the dark-haired man. Bending down and snaking an arm under both Lavi’s back and
knees, Yuu heaved him up. Lavi whimpered as he was moved, but Yuu only glared.
“If it hurts, you shouldn’t have gotten yourself injured,” he growled, dropping
Lavi unceremoniously onto the gurney. Lavi whimpered again. Rolling him roughly
inside, Yuu tried to ignore Lavi’s tiny, pained noises. Thankfully, the man was
taken away by several doctors, and Yuu was left to follow, somewhat relieved
that he wouldn’t have to face Lavi for a while. He was too angry to do it now.
An hour passed as Yuu meditated on the Ark’s hospital’s floor. It was
uncomfortable, and he wished he had a mat, but it was better than simply
staring at Lavi’s door. Because somehow, angry as he was, he was worried even
more.
His peace was interrupted by a loud popping noise and Lavi’s exclamation of
“OH, FUCK!” Losing his balance as he tried to stand up, Yuu quickly righted
himself and slammed into the room.
“Oh, Yuu-chan, you’re—HOLY FUCKING JESUS!” Another popping noise echoed through
the room as the doctors realigned his hip.
“Okay, we need post-reduction x-rays on his shoulder and hip, and you—” the
doctor turned and pointed almost accusatorily at Lavi, “—need to refrain from
strenuous activities for a while. This includes your duties as an Exorcist, so
you’ll be off the active list. I expect you to be on bed rest for three weeks.”
“Wait—what? What did I do to deserve this?” Lavi asked. Yuu scoffed quietly,
enough so that Lavi couldn’t hear it.
“Your original x-rays show a tiny hairline fracture in your hip. It’ll get
worse if you don’t stay off it—or we could bandage it, if you want,” the doctor
offered, grinning in a nearly evil fashion.
“No, that’s okay,” Lavi said nervously, blanching slightly.
“And strenuous activities include sex, so don’t even think of that,” the doctor
warned. Yuu tried not to look disappointed, though Lavi was making a sad enough
expression for the both of them. Because he was disappointed that Lavi wouldn’t
be able to touch him. He didn’t know when it had begun, but at some point, Yuu
had started craving the other man, had started wanting to be in physical
contact with him. But he was also glad that Lavi was getting punished in a way
that would equate to torture. He deserved it for doing this to Yuu.
The doctor left the room, allowing Yuu a bit of time before Lavi was taken off
to the x-rays again. The second Yuu was sure the healthcare official was out of
earshot, he rounded on the redhead, glare back on his face and scowl on his
features.
“What the fuck was that, Lavi?” He inquired, making his voice as icy as he
could manage. Lavi paled further.
“What are you talking about, Yuu?” He asked in a quivering voice. If he hadn’t
already had two dislocated appendages and a slightly broken bone, Yuu would
have punched the idiot.
“You jumped in front of me,” He hissed.
“You were going to get hurt, what else could I do?” Lavi exclaimed, trying to
sit up in his aggravation and grimacing.
“I can heal—you can’t, so don’t you ever do that again! This is why I didn’t
want you to know about the Lotus! I knew you were going to do something stupid
like this. Just don’t… don’t ever do it again.” His voice grew very soft as he
finished his plea—and that’s what it was, Yuu could admit without losing any of
his pride—and Lavi stirred again, as if trying to get up and then thinking
better of it.
“I just don’t want you getting hurt any further. If you… die…” Lavi choked on
the word, as if he couldn’t quite say it, couldn’t quite comprehend the
possibility, “…then I will, too. I don’t want us to die, Yuu.”
“Baka,” Yuu whispered, walking over and taking Lavi’s hand. He didn’t want to
hug him for fear of hurting his shoulder any more. Lavi looked up at him,
seeming surprised. “I refuse to die. I have too much to live for now.”
Lavi’s eye melted from a hardened, defensive expression to one of liquid jade.
Yuu cursed himself for being overly-poetic. Lavi’s eye was green, not jade.
Just green. But regardless of what it was, it melted, softened as Lavi’s face
did the same. He looked tenderly up at Yuu in a way the dark-haired man
couldn’t understand.
“Aw, Yuu, you’re flattering me,” he said, fluttering his eye in a way that made
Yuu want to punch him.
“Shut up. I want to die now,” he replied, ripping his hand from Lavi’s and
storming from the room, ignoring the plaintive “Yuuuuuuu!” that followed him.
---
Walking out into the courtyard, Yuu was both shocked and annoyed to see all the
idiots making merry in front of a large screen set up next to Road. Curious
despite himself, he walked up.
“—f you could just wait a minute, I’ll try to contact her. I can access her
dreams if I try hard enough…” Road was saying, looking exasperatedly out at the
crowd of soldiers.
“What is she doing?” A soldier asked another as Yuu walked by. He slowed his
gait in order to hear the answer.
“She’s going to contact the Noah of Faith. I don’t know why, but apparently,
she may know the Earl’s plans or something—”
Yuu walked on, not caring for the rest of the sentence. He strode over to
Moyashi, who was holding Lenalee’s hand and looking anxiously over at Road.
“She’s awake?” The girl in question said, sounding both shocked and relieved.
She put a hand up to her forehead and closed her eyes, her face going slack as
she left the conscious world. Abruptly, the screen jumped to life, and a voice
came over the speaker.
“I hope you guys can hear me.”
Road appeared on the screen at a dining table. “Faith,” the girl said, and
abruptly, there was a thick wire of some sort at Road’s side. She plucked it,
sending a strong vibration down it as if playing a harp. A door in her mind
opened, and a girl stepped into the room.
Yuu had never cared for looks, though he definitely didn’t mind Lavi’s, but
this girl was nothing short of beautiful. The very air glowed around her in a
holy light, emphasizing her dark brown hair that cascaded to her ankles. She
had shocking blue eyes, which didn’t quite fit with her Middle Eastern
appearance, but Yuu ignored that because this girl was literally perfect. He
immediately made the connection. This Noah of Faith was pure, strong, and
obviously the origin of the others. Her stigmata was much like Allen’s,
Lenalee’s, and Road’s, but it seemed even more graceful, if that was possible.
“Is everything set up?” Faith asked, as if Road hadn’t just had this idea spur-
of-the-moment.
“Yes, they’re watching now. You’re awake? Has the Earl stopped drugging you?”
Road questioned, her face a mask of worry.
“Yes, he’s convinced that I’m with him now,” the holy girl responded. She
chuckled lightly, her voice chiming like bells in a way that was too perfect
for Yuu to be angry at. “He should see that I’m not, but he’s too blinded by
the thought of revenge to see that I haven’t darkened.”
“I would be very sad if you did that,” Road said quietly. Faith smiled down at
her, another radiant smile that failed to boil Yuu’s blood.
“You’re too sweet, Road. Now, I’m going to converse with him. He hasn’t told me
the complete plan yet. He’s only just told me in broad terms what he’s going to
do.” She smiled wryly and looked toward the screen. “You all must stop him. Six
must never happen.”
Yuu had no idea what the fuck she was talking about, but he took her word for
it. The raw fear that marred her face convinced him to stay and listen, rather
than grab Lavi and wheel him out. He could tell the stupid rabbit later.
A window appeared as the heavenly girl walked out of the room, supposedly back
to reality. The window grew larger until that was all that appeared on the
screen. Through it, Yuu saw a small room. The walls were a nice, even white,
and the curtains were likewise. A soft golden comforter covered an eggshell-
white bed. In the corner was a small desk crafted from what Yuu supposed was
cherry, though he wasn’t sure, not being a carpenter. The only other thing he
saw was a cheery window with a small alcove to sit in, much like the one he’d
found Miranda in the other day.
It was a beautiful room, just like the girl who resided in it. The first sign
of discord was the door—made of the same wood as the desk—opening to admit a
fat man in an overcoat. The Earl. He smiled down at the heavenly girl, taking
his top hat from his head, sweeping down into a bow.
“How are we today, my dear ?” He asked, his voice high in a way that forced
ripples down Yuu’s spine. He scowled at the screen. He need not fear the Earl.
It was unnecessary.
“I’m just perfect today, Earl. You’ve been dancing around one topic that I’d
really like to know about, though,” Faith began innocently. The Earl raised his
eyebrows, which Yuu was vaguely surprised he had. Not that he would mention
that to anyone. It just didn’t seem right for their enemy to have human-like
features. It made them all the more similar, and it made him all the more hard
to kill.
“And what is that, Faith ?” The Earl asked almost sweetly. The tone made Yuu
want to empty his breakfast onto the cobblestones.
“Well, it is for my revenge… and I was kinda hoping… you would tell me what
your plan is,” Faith said, looking down and blushing convincingly as she
fiddled with her fingers. “If you actually do it, and Allen and Lenalee don’t
stop you, I’ll kill you, you bastard!” She shouted, though her lips didn’t
move. Yuu made an interested grunt as he realized those were her inner
thoughts.
“Really ? You really want to know? It’s really great !”
“Really?” Faith asked, looking up at the Earl with an innocent expression of
near-happiness and anticipation. “No, it’s not great! It’s horrible! So many
people are going to die!”
“Well, this is what I have planned out so far, though I don’t know when to do
it. Perhaps you can help me ,” the Earl offered, turning his palms up
invitingly. Faith smiled and gestured for him to continue. “I’m going to create
a Level Six—I’ve told you that before, though, haven’t I?” At Faith’s nod, he
continued. “Well, I’ve decided I’m sick of waiting for them to find me, so I’ll
take the battle to them . I’m thinking The Eye in London, so people across the
sea can see as well. And isn’t it poetic that it is also called the Millennium
Wheel? It shall be our vehicle to revenge .”
“Wow, Earl, that’s really… I don’t even have a word to describe it!” Faith
exclaimed, smiling. Looking closely, Yuu saw it didn’t meet her eyes. “Six can
never happen, Six can never happen, Six can never happen... Where did he get
all the pieces?”
Yuu raised his eyebrows. Pieces?
“But Earl, how can you create it? You’ve only got the eye, the flesh, and the
blood, right? You can’t create a Level Six without a heart, too, right?” She
asked, sounding slightly worried. In her head, she added. “Where did he get
it?Howdid he get it? This doesn’t make sense. None of the Exorcists have died
besides poor Artemis, Bak, and Kevin—” Who was Kevin? “—and all their bodies
were recovered. Road would have told me… unless something happened today?”
Road appeared on the screen, next to the window. “No, Faith,” she said quietly,
holding the wire she’d plucked a few minutes before. “No one died today. I
don’t know what he’s talking about either.”
“Chaz failed to get an Exorcist heart, as you know, so we’ll have to settle for
something… sub-par . But don’t you worry, Faith, it’ll take a little longer,
but the Six will be just as strong ,” the Earl reassured her. Faith’s eye
became wide in horror, though she managed to hide it quickly as acute joy.
“Oh, Earl, this is great news! I have the perfect day!” In her head, blaring on
the screen, she implored Road, “How soon can you guys be ready?”
Allen looked around, surveying the soldiers. “Maybe February, at the earliest.
They still could use a bit of training, and we’re injured. We need time to
heal.”
Road conveyed the message to Faith as the Earl asked her for the date she
wanted. “Why, February the fourteen,” Faith said, smiling. “It’s very poetic
isn’t it?”
Yuu hated poetic things.
The Earl brought a hand to his chin contemplatively. “Hmmm… that’s perfect,
Faith . What a great idea. The fourteenth day of the second month in the year
2014. It’s absolutely stunning. It’s… as perfect as you .”
“It must never happen, don’t let it happen, it must never happen, don’t let it
happen…” Faith chanted in her head, the mantra growing ever louder as the Earl
left the room and the window into Faith’s room collapsed into nothing. Still,
the litany continued, stronger than before, until Faith was screaming it
through the Ark. Road descended back into the real world and the connection
severed, cutting Faith’s near-tirade off in the middle. When Yuu looked at
Road, she was crying, but he didn’t care about her. Lavi needed to know.
When he got back to the hospital, Lavi was grimacing in slight pain, and the
doctor was lecturing him about some insignificant thing he’d probably just
done.
“Out,” Yuu grunted, gesturing for the doctor to leave by placing a hand on
Mugen’s suddenly activated hilt. The doctor nodded and left, though he shot Yuu
a dirty look, as if he didn’t like being threatened or something. “Lavi,
there’s been an interesting… development.”
“Oh, has Allen finally gotten together with Lenalee?” Lavi asked lightly. Yuu
sighed.
“No, idiot, we know where the Earl will be on the fourteenth of February—and
what he’s doing.” Lavi’s eyebrow shot up beyond his hairline in acute interest,
and Yuu continued on in the explanation. When he was finished, Lavi hit the
back of his head on the gurney he was still lying atop.
He didn’t comment on it, just stared Yuu in the eye and wordlessly begged him
to get him out of the fucking hospital. Yuu picked him up and carried him
awkwardly back to the room. He ignored the incredulous stares of the other
Exorcists and soldiers as he hauled Lavi across the Ark.
---
Allen stared at the ridiculous sight ahead and then turned back to Lenalee, who
had Road in her lap. The latter of the two was shaking heavily, for some reason
Allen didn’t know, but he felt callous just ignoring it.
“Hey, Road,” he said, kneeling down to be more on her level, “why don’t you go
with Amanda. She’ll definitely cheer you up.”
Amanda, who had come up, no doubt concerned for her newfound friend, nodded
emphatically and ushered Road away, already chatting about things they could
do. By the time they reached the Exorcist alleyway, Road was beginning to laugh
again.
He turned to Lenalee, offering her a hand, which she took, pulling herself up.
She reached out and hugged him immediately, burrowing her head underneath his
chin. She made a sniffing noise, and Allen shifted back a bit.
“Lenalee, what are you doing?” He asked, not quite sure what to make of the
situation.
“I’m smelling you,” she responded against his collarbone. Allen blushed.
“May I ask why?” He inquired, shifting subtly.
“So I’ll never forget it,” she replied simply.
“Do I smell nice?” He asked, feeling awkward.
“Yes, like something green and alive, like leather, and like… like home,” she
muttered, her lips brushing against his collarbone again. Allen shivered in a
pleasant way. Lenalee thought of him as home, and that in itself was sweeter
than Jerry’s best mitarashi dango. He pulled her closer, encircling his arms
around her slim waist. She sighed, the breath parting against his neck in a
sensual way.
“Lenalee…” he said, leaning back so that he could look into her eyes. She
looked so sweet in that moment, caring and beautiful and so inexorably Lenalee.
That look reminded him of exactly why he loved this girl, why he would move
more than earth and sky just to keep her safe and happy, why he would splay
himself down as her servant if she merely asked.
He wished it had been he who had made the soup, rather than Kanda. He had been
too sick, though, and Kanda’s had tasted very good, he would admit grudgingly.
But if Lenalee would let him, he would take care of her. Always.
What the fuck? He thought. When did I become such a sap? But it was for
Lenalee, and he’d be anything for her.
***** Fix You *****
Chapter_29—Fix_You
December 31, 2013—Allen’s Ark
Yuu didn’t like parties. He also didn’t like sweet things. Another thing he
didn’t like was over-inquisitive Moyashis and Lenalees who wouldn’t stop their
persistent, invasive questions that Yuu didn’t want to answer.
He walked away from them, probably a bit rudely, for the sixth time that
evening, shouting nastily over his shoulder, “go choke on a pretzel!” He heard
Moyashi splutter, but he simply didn’t give a damn. He searched the room for
Lavi, who he’d been separated from in his quest to escape the two prying brats.
And yes, this time, Lenalee was being a brat.
“Yuu,” Lavi said, smiling as the dark-haired man walked over. He tried to smile
back, but it came out as a grimace-smirk hybrid that he didn’t like at all.
Lavi snorted. “Your face is funny,” he commented, pulling Yuu’s head down to
his height—he was sitting in a wheelchair—and giving him a light kiss. Yuu’s
strange expression dropped, and Lavi pulled back, smiling in a satisfied way.
Yuu glared, but he didn’t mean it.
“Oh, come off it, Yuu-chan, you know you like being touched. Don’t lie.”
Yuu’s glare deepened, and he felt a scowl forming on his lips, one Lavi
couldn’t simply kiss away.
“Okay, you’re really angry right now. What’s going on?”Lavi asked, seeming to
backtrack a bit and immediately becoming more serious.
Taking a seat on the bench next to his lover—he could think it now, especially
after what had happened on Christmas—Yuu sighed, closing his eyes and leaning
his head back in frustration. “They won’t fucking leave me alone,” he said, his
tone sounding very near to a complaint. He felt a featherlight touch at his
fringe. He cracked his eyes open enough to see Lavi caressing his forehead and
then running his fingers through the hair he had left down.
“What are they sayin’, Yuu-chan?” Lavi asked softly, reaching up and repeating
the action. Yuu closed his eyes again, reveling at the touch. Lavi moved his
hand to the crown of Yuu’s head and began to gently massage his scalp, drawing
out the lightest of moans from him, though he hadn’t meant to make a sound.
“They want to know. I don’t want them to, Lavi,” he said, knowing the other man
would comprehend. Lavi made a humming noise, and the massaging hand turned just
slightly rougher, though it was still just as soothing. Yuu fought against
another unintentional sound, tossing it back down in his throat, where it was
coming from.
“Then don’t tell them,” Lavi suggested softly. Yuu nodded, accidentally
dislodging the hand for a second. It rolled down his hair, running through its
length before returning to his scalp with more pressure than before. It felt
very, very good.
“Hey, loves!” The Infernal Girl exclaimed, making Yuu jump and reach for
Mugen’s hilt, which, of course, wasn’t there, as he hadn’t activated it. Some
reflexes never died. “The Condom Fairy has arrived!”
Yuu stared at the girl in incredulity. “What the fuck is that?” He asked,
scowling at her.
“Why is Darcy in a tutu?” Lavi snorted, removing his hand from Yuu’s hair. Yuu
missed it, wanted to pull it back, but he didn’t. He wasn’t some stupid, clingy
little girl. Like that Little Fucker who’d been riding on his leg for the last
week and a half, never giving him any privacy. Or personal space.
“Because he’s the Condom Fairy, and he’s giving out free condoms!” Amanda said,
smiling happily and patting her boyfriend on the back. Darcy sighed resignedly.
“The Health Department is making me hand them out, something about how everyone
has sex on New Years. Anyway, take some.” He shook his basket forlornly, and
little, square packages jumped around with the movement.
Lavi picked one out, inspecting it with interest. “People actually use these?”
He asked, sounding mildly interested.
“Well, yeah, I mean, you wouldn’t want to get STDs or, like, pregnant and like,
die, or something,” the Infernal Girl explained matter-of-factly, grabbing two
large handfuls and tossing them into Yuu’s and Lavi’s laps. They fell with a
crinkly sound that made Yuu think of the wrapping paper from Christmas.
“They actually do something to prevent it? Don’t they break easily?” Lavi
asked.
“Well, they’re better now than whatever you had back then. What did you have?
The pull-out technique?”
“We had rubber condoms, too,” Lavi insisted. The Infernal Girl snorted.
“Really? Doesn’t look like it to me, what with all the illegitimates goin’ on.”
She dismissed him with a wave of her hand.
Yuu didn’t want to listen to this, so he stood up, allowing the numerous
condoms to fall to the ground, and walked off. He went over toward the food,
finding a bowl of pretzels. He felt like pelting Moyashi with them, but then he
remembered he was avoiding the stupid little brat. Scowling at the pretzels, he
moved on down the table, looking for something else that wasn’t sweet. Or
alcoholic.
He should have realized he would have found Moyashi at the food table, along
with the other parasitic-types.
“Oi, Kanda, will you at least talk to Lenalee? She’s really worried about you.
You don’t have to tell her anything, just… let her worry about you, okay?”
Moyashi insisted. Yuu activated Mugen as he ground his teeth together, just so
he could have something to hold on to.
He didn’t answer, simply moving away, but Moyashi followed, and somehow,
Lenalee appeared at his side.
“Yuu-kun,” she said, tugging at his formal Exorcist jacket—Lavi was wearing a
different, more reasonably-sized one—with a desperate look on her face.
“It’s none of your business,” he growled, staring at her hatefully. She
flinched back from the expression a little, but then her face hardened into a
determined mask.
“Yuu-kun, I’m not asking anymore. Listen, you can’t not tell anyone. It’s… I
know about these kind of things—well, not your kind of things, but mental
injury in general—and I know you need to talk about it. Please, just tell me,”
she pleaded. Yuu tried to rip his jacket from her grip, but she held on
stubbornly, frowning at him as if she hadn’t been expecting a rebuke.
“It’s not your business,” Yuu snapped, attempting to pull away again. “I don’t
need to talk about it. It’s fine as it is.”
Lenalee held on more tightly, finally grabbing his wrist. Yuu froze. He didn’t
like having his wrists grabbed. Lavi knew that. Lavi didn’t grab his wrists.
But Lenalee was. She wasn’t his father, but she was trying to restrain him,
force something out of him that he didn’t want to tell her, and it was suddenly
very frightening. The world started to enclose around him, the edges folding
away into nothingness. Everything was collapsing, and all there was was the
sensation of Lenalee’s tight grip on his wrist, matching the angle and strength
of his father’s just before he was raped.
It hurt, too. He still had the scars from the shackles the Order had forced on
him. The Lotus hadn’t hidden them away, though it had healed him properly. They
still hurt, and Lenalee’s grip also reminded him of the dark. He began to
shake. Everything was dark, because the only other thing in this world besides
him was Lenalee, and she was scaringhim. Yuu could admit that. He was scared.
Shadows of the past and the present came to haunt him, and he couldn’t escape.
There was no escape. There was simply him and the darkness and Lenalee, too,
simply hurting him, not caring for him. He needed to get away. He shifted his
eyes around, looking for an exit but seeing none. All he saw was darkness. All
he felt was the shackles, Lenalee’s grip, his father’s horrendous touch.
Heat flowed through his veins. Adrenaline, he supposed. It pounded through his
speeding, racing heart and soared through his limbs, empowering him, but he
could do nothing. He could only stand there, terrified and shaking, as
everything collapsed around him. Vaguely, somewhere in the deep recesses of his
mind, he wondered why he was reacting like this, but then that thought was cut
off as all but the most basic functions died.
“ALLEN! LENALEE! GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE! I HAVE A JOKE FOR YOU!”
The world expanded again, rapidly. Lavi was there. Lavi’s voice. It healed him,
pulled him back like he was a fish on the line leading to a fishing rabbit. He
fell to the floor as Lenalee released him and walked off, looking curious. His
knees were simply too weak. He loved Lavi. He really did. So much. He knew.
Lavi knew exactly what Yuu needed, and he provided it. Tears threatened to
splash down his cheeks, and he shook more with the effort of not releasing
them. He couldn’t cry. He didn’t want to. He was done crying over the shadow of
his father.
Lavi walked over to him, his wheelchair discarded, and he helped Yuu up,
pulling him into a quick embrace. Yuu went into it willingly. He needed to not
cry. He needed to touch and be touched in return. He needed Lavi.
That wonderful, stupid rabbit that he hated and loved with a burning passion
that surprised him led him out of the Main Plaza, pulling him through the
alleyway and into their room. Lavi lagged for a second so that he could put his
arm around Yuu. They got to the door, and suddenly, all the chains broke,
vanished, as if they’d never been there in the first place.
Placing his head softly on Lavi’s shoulder, he breathed deeply and sighed out
the words he had been unable to say for so long. “I love you,” he whispered
breathily on the edge of his sigh.
Lavi froze. Yuu did, too. They stepped apart and stared at each other for a
moment. “I… love you?” the Japanese man said quietly, shocked. He looked at his
hands, and then back at his lover, and then back to his hands again, and then
once more to Lavi. “I love you,” he repeated firmly. He laughed in an almost
joyous fashion. “I love you!” He exclaimed blissfully.
Tears flowed smoothly down Lavi’s face. The other man was smiling almost
peacefully, but the tears still fell.
“Why are you crying, Baka Usagi?” He asked, smiling and laughing in wonder.
“You… you said it,” Lavi wailed, throwing his arms around Yuu and tackling him
to the ground. Yuu grunted in pain.
“You’re not supposed to do anything strenuous,” he muttered, placing a hand on
Lavi’s red head and rubbing softly. The arms around his neck only strangled him
a little bit.
“This ain’t strenuous, Yuu. I’m just lyin’ here with my lover, cryin’.”
Yuu scoffed. “You’re an idiot,” he whispered, and Lavi shivered against him.
“Now get off me.”
Lavi complied. “Ne, Yuu, say it again,” he requested.
“No,” Yuu said. He didn’t need to. There were no chains, but he’d just said it
four times, and he thought that was more than enough.
“Please?”
“No.”
“Pleeeaaase?” Lavi looked so very desperate that Yuu couldn’t quite refuse. He
rolled his eyes and sighed.
“Fine. I love you. Go away.”
“Yay!” Lavi threw up his hands in celebration. “Ow!” He winced as his not-
quite-healed shoulder cracked loudly. Yuu chuckled under his breath. Karma, he
thought. “Ne, let’s stay up and watch the dawn together,” the redhead
suggested, taking Yuu’s hand and pulling him onto the bed.
Yuu nodded and slid a bit closer to the man he could now call his lover.
Resting his head on Lavi’s shoulder again, he sighed once more. He closed his
eyes, drinking in the peace of the moment. Lavi’s arm snuck around him, soft
and warm on his back. He put his arm around Lavi, too, resting his hand on the
mattress on the man’s other side. Everything was so very warm and comfortable,
and Lavi was there, and he loved Lavi.
They had meant to stay up, but within minutes, they were both asleep, peaceful
smiles on their faces as their minds finally gave way to dreams.
---
The nightmare came abruptly. The light of his previous dream darkened. Noise
and alcohol reeked into his senses. There was a stumbling sound, and he
quivered back into the door when his father came into view. His father said
something that he, for some reason, couldn’t understand and then carried him
off into his room.
He was tossed unceremoniously onto his bed, something that only happened when
his father had something particularly bad planned for him.
“Don’t get in my way again,” his father hissed, taking a swig from his wine
bottle. Vaguely, he wondered why his father was drinking wine rather than sake,
but his train of thought was ripped away as his father placed the bottle on the
ground and tugged at the hems of his pant legs. He held onto them, holding them
in place tightly, but his father overpowered him, pulling them off with a force
that dumped him to the floor.
“Oh, no, you ain’t escapin’,” his father slurred, tossing him roughly back onto
the bed. He wished his mother wasn’t sick. Then, maybe, he could cry out. Even
if it meant hurting worse, he didn’t like the way this time was going. His
father usually didn’t start out with rape. He usually used his sick foreplay of
bites and scratches, punches and kicks. But hands were already ripping at his
shirt, tearing it away as if it were a minute, trivial nuisance to be discarded
at will.
“No,” he whispered unintentionally. The first of the pain hit him in an
agonizing punch to the gut.
“Whaddid I say ‘bout talkin’?” His father hissed menacingly. He clamped his
mouth shut. He didn’t want more pain, not if he was going to be humiliated
again. His father took another swig from his bottle as he flipped him over.
“Hmmm… you like wine, don’tcha?”
Pain, horrifying, gut-wrenching, excruciating, unbearable pain rippled below in
a place his father had hurt so many times before. Cold liquid spewed out,
freezing him inside, but the bottle hurt. He didn’t cry out, but the tears
wouldn’t stay at bay. His father couldn’t see them, so he hid his face in the
mattress, nearly suffocating himself as he burrowed further.
It hurt, and liquid was leaking, wasted and burning everywhere. The bottle
cracked in a way he didn’t like, and then blood joined the wine. Alcohol seared
his cuts, but still he didn’t cry out. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
His father laughed and sat on him, driving the bottle in further, hurting him
more. He made a keening, sobbing sound, but it was drowned out by his father’s
insane chuckles.
“Feel good?” His father asked. He didn’t shake his head, didn’t respond. His
father didn’t like that. The man did something that drove the glass deeper into
the already internal wounds. He gasped out, inhaling sheets and mattress and
anything but air. Tears fell in silent sobs from his eyes.
And then Allen Walker woke up, screaming, gasping for breath, with Lenalee
mirroring his expression and vocals next to him. As one, they jumped off the
bed and ran to the nearest bathroom, emptying their stomachs. Allen’s was
mostly bile—his metabolism was too fast to have not broken any of the food
down—but Lenalee stayed over the toilet for a while. Allen joined her after
regaining his breath, and he held her hair back as she retched and retched and
retched until nothing could come out anymore. He held her in his arms as she
dry heaved, incidental tears forming at the corners of her eyes. He kissed them
away and held her until her desolate moans quieted and she was only shaking in
his arms.
She opened her dark eyes and whispered, “Yuu-kun.” And then the tears were
back. Allen brushed them all away with gentle, delicate movements. Carefully,
he picked her up, placed her on her feet. She nodded at him, and in unspoken
agreement, they walked to Kanda’s room. Their pace wasn’t leisurely, but it
wasn’t hurrying, either. Neither of them wanted to believe it was true, but
they knew that hadn’t been their dream.
They weren’t alone in their concern. As they passed back through the Main Plaza
from the bathroom, they saw most of the soldiers spilling out. Darcy and
Amanda, Miranda and Lolek, Emiko and Vikram, they were all sitting in a circle,
looking at each other with dark, haunted eyes. A wail echoed out through the
Ark, and Allen saw the little Exorcist, Krista, bawling into Cyrah Kabbah’s
lap. Chu-chan was sitting with his head in his hands, the tiny British Exorcist
Elliot, who Allen would have hated because he set his hair on fire, sitting
beside him, and Tamas had a firm hand on Tuan's shoulder. It looked to Allen as
if the second man was trying to hold himself up. Hok'ee was leaning next to
Michel his arms warpped around himself, mumbling to himself in a language Allen
had never heard.
Allen looked at Lenalee. “It wasn’t just us?” He asked. Lenalee looked just as
horrified as he felt.
They walked faster, intending to get to Kanda’s room before anyone else did.
They shooed away a soldier who was about to knock and entered. They saw Lavi
holding Kanda to his chest, petting the Japanese man’s hair soothingly and
looking somewhat relieved. He was whispering stupid things that Allen couldn’t
quite hear.
“What are you guys doing here?” Lavi asked, noticing them. “And why are you
both shaking? And looking so… disturbed? And why are you looking at Yuu like
that? What’s going on? Who died?”
“No one died, Lavi,” Allen said hoarsely. “Something strange happened. We don’t
quite know what, but everyone—”
A door opened, emitting a wildly shaking Road, who fell tremulously to the
floor.
“Road!” Lenalee called, rushing to the other girl’s side. “Road, are you okay?
What happened to you?”
“I’m s-s-so sorry!” The Noah wailed, clutching at Lenalee and pulling her down
the rest of the way to the floor. “It’s a-a-all m-my f-f-faaaault!”
Lavi couldn’t move, but he looked alarmed. “What’s going on? Seriously, guys,
why the fuck is Road sobbing on my floor?”
“I-it was too strooong! I—I c-couldn’t contr-trol it. I th-th-think I sent it
to everyoooone!” Road continued to blubber. Lenalee held her, and Allen kneeled
down next her, putting a hand on Lenalee’s back and offering Road what comfort
he could.
“Lavi,” he said, looking up at the redhead who was peering over his footboard
in order to see them all. Kanda’s head was still against his chest, and he was
still absently running his hand through the man’s hair. “Has Kanda ever told
you anything about… a wine bottle?” He asked hesitantly.
Lavi blanched, and his face turned into an appalled mask. “Y-you saw the wine
bottle?” He asked quietly, finally realizing what happened. “Were you guys
prying again?”
“No, Lavi,” Lenalee said in a hushed, anguished voice. “Everyone saw. How did
you not?”
“I wake up to his screams. Always,” Lavi said unsteadily.
Road got up on shaking legs, pushing him and Lenalee away. She tottered over to
the bed and placed a hand on Kanda’s forehead, looking instantly relieved.
“He’s having a good dream now. It’s funny, though, almost childish,” she said,
her voice shaking only slightly. Her tears seemed to have disappeared, a
miracle for which Allen was thankful. He wasn’t good with tears. He was only
good with Lenalee’s.
“Of course it is,” Lavi whispered. “He can only be a child in his dreams.
What’s he seeing now?”
“It’s set in a meadow, and there are lotuses in the sky. There’s a rice bowl in
the middle of the grass. Inside is a large amount of tempura. And there are
bunnies—lots of them. They’re all white, except for those two off at the side.
One is orange, and the other is black. They’re really close together, and they
look almost… peaceful,” Road said, her eyes going out of focus as she placed
her hand on Kanda’s forehead again.
“I don’t really understand it,” Allen said, scratching his head and trying not
to think about the nightmare he’d just had.
“No, it makes perfect sense,” Lavi disagreed, still speaking quietly. Allen
assumed it was to keep Kanda asleep. “You saw him eating tempura for lunch.
It’s obvious he’d be thinking about his Lotus, even in his sleep. And the
rabbits are some form of me, I would assume. Although, I don’t know why he’d
want white ones. I’d pick a cooler color myself, like brown or something.”
Road, who still had her hand on Kanda’s forehead, chuckled. “They’re all brown
now, except for the orange and black ones.”
“Really?” Lavi asked, looking intrigued. He leaned down and kissed the crown of
Kanda’s forehead. That was a gesture Allen wanted to repeat on Lenalee, but he
knew he couldn’t. “Yuu, you sleep too lightly,” Lavi whispered down at his
lover. “And you shouldn’t take my advice so readily. If you want white rabbits,
you can have ‘em that way. It’s your dream, not mine,” he added.
“They’re still brown,” Road insisted as she pulled her hand away. She was still
shaking, but it wasn’t nearly as pronounced.
“I’m sorry, but… could you guys leave? I don’t want him to wake up… And if you
could keep the others from the room, well… I don’t want Yuu to kill them.
‘Cause he’s gonna be incensed when he wakes up. You shouldn’t be around him
when he does.”
Allen nodded and pulled Lenalee away. Road created another door and tried to
stumble through it, but Allen pulled her along, too. “You had a seizure, didn’t
you?” He asked quietly as they closed Lavi’s door. She nodded, and he tugged
her with them. He let go of Lenalee when the Noah collapsed, and he carried her
back to her bed. He even tucked her in. “Sleep well,” he said quietly, leaving
the room with Lenalee at his side.
Immediately, he pulled the girl he loved into his arms. She was so distraught,
that was obvious from her eyes, and Allen needed to comfort her. She needed it.
He needed it, too. They held onto each other and went back to the Main Plaza.
“Anyone who bothers them will be left in the middle of the Sahara Desert, so
leave them alone,” Allen announced tiredly. Everyone nodded slowly, as if they
couldn’t muster enough energy to make any faster movements. Allen understood.
The nightmare had been horrible. Sitting down in the circle of Exorcists, he
held Lenalee as she began to cry again.
Allen wished fervently that they hadn’t tried to pry into Kanda’s past. It was
something he never wanted to delve deeper into, though he knew Lenalee didn’t
feel the same. Still, he knew she would wait for Kanda to come to her, and
perhaps that would be for the best.
---
January 1, 2014—Allen’s Ark
Yuu was thankful all the stupid-ass little birds were away on their trip to the
south so they couldn’t wake him. And yet, there was something fucking chirping
outside, ruining his good dream and popping it away like it was a bubble. He
sat up to glower at the window, but he couldn’t move. Something was holding him
tightly in place, restricting his movements. He kicked it. It was annoying.
Lavi made a grunting sound and woke with a gasp. Yuu suddenly understood what
was holding him and scoffed. He made to pull away, but the stupid rabbit just
grabbed him closer until their bodies were stuck together.
“Rabbit, get the fuck off,” Yuu muttered, trying to push the other man off him.
“No, it’s warm,” Lavi murmured into Yuu’s neck, his breath hitting the skin in
tantalizing patterns.
Yuu sat up, taking the other man with him. “Get off,” he said, trying to sound
threatening, but it only came out as a low, breathy sound he couldn’t believe
he’d made.
Reluctantly, Lavi backed away, turning so that he was sitting with his legs off
the side of the bed. He made to get up, but Yuu didn’t want Lavi to actually
leave. He grabbed Lavi’s shoulders and leaned forward, putting his weight on
the redhead. “I said ‘get off,’ not ‘go away,’” he hissed in Lavi’s ear. The
idiot’s earring caught the light, blinding him momentarily, and he suddenly had
an idea.
Tilting his head to the side, he took the lobe of Lavi’s ear into his mouth,
sucking gently on the soft skin. Lavi made a gasping noise and stiffened
beneath him.
“Yuu…” he started. Yuu smiled slightly and stuck his tongue through the
earring, massaging the skin there, too. “Yuu, I really haveta… ah.”
Lavi began to writhe under his ministrations, making broken little mewling
sounds. Turning his head just a bit more, Yuu used his teeth to hold the
earring still.
“Yuu, there’s…” Lavi gasped out wildly. With his tongue, Yuu unhooked the hinge
that kept the earring in place and removed the band into his mouth, eliciting a
loud moan from Lavi, who was shuddering. There was a squeaking sound, and Yuu
took the earring out of his mouth and leaned over to place it on the bedside
table.
“Er… Yuu?” Lavi said, sounding acutely embarrassed. Yuu made an inquisitive
grunt. “I… er… may need a new… er…” He lowered his voice, and Yuu could see the
back of his neck and ears nearly glowing with his blush, “…a new pair of
pants,” Lavi finished quickly, almost incoherently.
“Che,” Yuu scoffed, trying not to laugh. Lavi nodded in an ashamed way. “Go
bathe. I’m getting breakfast.” He made to get off the bed.
“No!” Lavi shouted, sounding horrified and desperate, all at once. He turned
and nearly pinned Yuu to the wall.
“Get off me, I’m hungry,” Yuu grunted, trying to push Lavi away, but the man’s
grip became tighter. It became too tight. He shuddered a bit, but Lavi wasn’t
anyone else. He was just Lavi, so it was okay.
“I was trying to tell you that I needed to tell you something,” Lavi said, his
voice layered with something akin to urgency. Yuu relaxed under his grip.
Whatever it was, it was obviously important.
“Go bathe first. I’ll wait,” he said, looking away.
“No, I need to tell you now,” Lavi said, using his hand to force Yuu to look at
him by grabbing him under the chin. Yuu locked eyes—or eye—with his lover and
saw the near-desperation there. He nodded.
“What is it, rabbit?” He asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know. Lavi let
him go and leaned down, hugging Yuu around the middle and placing the crown of
his head on his stomach.
“Last night, Road… well, Yuu, you had a nightmare, right?”
Yuu nodded, unsure of where this was going. Wherever it was, he wasn’t sure he
liked it there.
“Well, do you remember what it was about?”
This time, Yuu shook his head. He remembered it was bad, probably a nine—Lavi
would have told him if he was having a seizure—but he drew a blank on the
actual content. That was a first. But perhaps it was better that way. It wasn’t
like he enjoyed remembering those things.
“It was bad, though, wasn’t it?” Lavi asked quietly, and Yuu nodded. “Well, you
know how Road is the Noah of Dreams?” Yuu nodded again, this time with
uncertainty. “Well, she… er… your dream was too strong for her to handle, and
she may have—well, she did, actually—accidentally broadcast your dream into
everyone’s minds.”
Yuu froze, unable to think. She’d done what? It didn’t make sense. No one knew,
it couldn’t be possible. But there was only one person who couldn’t see them,
and he had to make sure. “Did you…?” He choked out.
“No,” Lavi said, shaking his head and pulling Yuu into a hug. He fell into it
without any protest. He couldn’t move. He was paralyzed by the absurdity of
what Lavi had just told him. It was so illogical, too bizarre, for his brain to
process. It couldn’t possibly be true that everyone—everyone—knew. “I woke up
to your screams, so I didn’t see it. Only the people who were actually asleep
saw.”
Yuu wasn’t sure if he nodded or not, but if he had, then it would have been
very mechanical, because he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around what Lavi was
telling him. He began to shake. “Could you… get Road?” He asked quietly,
shaking harder. Lavi nodded, changed into something more decent, and left the
room.
He returned minutes later through one of Road’s ornate doors. She looked at him
and immediately apologized, but he ignored it. “Show him,” he said hoarsely. If
everyone was going to know, Lavi had the right to know, too. If everyone was
going to know, he wanted Lavi to know, too. Even though Lavi couldn’t know.
Road nodded and turned to the redhead next to her, placing a hand to his
forehead.
Lavi collapsed to the ground the second Road removed her hand. He was shaking
nearly as bad as Yuu, but when he looked up, there was no pity, no disgust, in
his eye. He simply walked over and placed his arms lightly around Yuu’s
shoulders. “I will never forgive that man,” he whispered, putting his head on
Yuu’s shoulder.
A rumbling noise resounded through the room. Yuu grimaced, and Lavi pulled
back. “You need to eat,” he said quietly. Every part of the older man’s being
rebelled against the idea of ever leaving the room again. He shook his head,
his long hair flying with the movement.
Lavi pulled him over to the dresser and grabbed a pair of pants. Yuu pulled
them on mechanically, his body still shaking in an aggravating way.
“I don’t want to,” he whispered. Lavi handed him a shirt. He quickly took off
the one he’d slept in and replaced it with the new one, not caring that Road
was still in the room. She excused herself when she realized what was going on.
“You have to,” Lavi said, coming around behind him and pulling the shirt so
that it wasn’t rumpled.
Yuu pulled his Exorcist jacket on quietly and then turned to face Lavi. “I’m
scared,” he admitted, leaning against his lover. Lavi’s hands came up to pat
his upper back, and they stood there for a moment.
“Come on, Yuu, I’m hungry too. We should go.” Lavi grabbed his hand and dragged
him out of the room. Yuu wanted to close his eyes, hide in the room, be
anywhere but in the cafeteria off the Main Plaza, where everyone would be
staring at him with those pitying, judgmental eyes.
He stopped moving when they got to the door. He couldn’t go any further. It was
impossible. He was stuck. Lavi didn’t make a noise of exasperation, he just
walked into the room and turned around, holding out a hand to Yuu. Yuu
hesitated and then took it. Lavi tugged at his hand, a silent plea to come in
with him, that he would keep everyone from staring, that he would make
everything alright, even if it couldn’t be.
Yuu didn’t look at the people serving him. He knew the expression they wore. It
was the same one Tiedoll had had whenever Yuu said something that hinted at his
past. Thinking back, he’d said a lot of things like that when they’d traveled
together for that one year. It had been a tolerable expression when it was on
Tiedoll, because Tiedoll knew but didn’t stare.
He wasn’t paying attention as Lavi led them to a secluded table in the corner.
He was glad for the privacy, though. As a general rule, he didn’t like people.
He couldn’t trust them. They always apologized or acted stupid or looked at him
like that.
“BAKANDA! You retard, you make me sick!” Moyashi shouted, coming up and
attempting to punch him. Yuu dodged automatically, a reflexive smirk appearing
on his face.
“What the fuck, Moyashi?” He asked.
“You made me sleep like shit!” Moyashi yelled back, slamming his enormous tray
of food down in the place next to him.
“You’re contaminating my food. Sit farther away,” Yuu growled, scowling at the
white-haired boy.
“You contaminated my sleep. And Lenalee’s too, you bastard.”
Yuu felt guilty. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Lenalee. “That’s what you get for
prying. It’s karma. I hope you die,” the Japanese man said, turning back to his
soba and ignoring the idiot bean sprout next to him.
“Hey, Yuu-kun,” Lenalee said, coming up and sitting across from him. “You’d
probably hate me if I apologized for last night, so I won’t. Just… I’ll be here
if you want to talk, okay?” Yuu nodded, and she, too, turned to her food.
“Ooooh! I slept great last night! Darcy, you are a god!” The Infernal Girl
said, stretching as she took a seat at their table.
“What can I say?” Darcy replied, buffing his nails on his shirt. “I am an Irish
Sex God.”
Yuu wanted to kill all the annoying idiots who were interrupting his peaceful
breakfast. Even if they were doing it for him.
---
His day wasn’t going so well. Actually, it was going terribly. Everywhere he
looked, people were staring, muttering, no doubt about the collective dream
from the previous night. He supposed he should be thankful to the fucking
Moyashi for telling them to shut the fuck up, but he had a strict no-thanking
policy. It made people think he was approachable. Which he wasn’t. Even if the
Infernal Girl and the Little Fucker thought differently.
The Little Fucker hadn’t bothered him all day, actually, and for some reason,
that concerned him a little. He pushed the emotion down. He didn’t want to feel
bad for the Little Fucker. She had bitten him, given him rabies, pushed him
down a flight of stairs, jumped on his back, ridden on his leg, clung to him,
and sung stupid, shrill songs to him.
He felt a pressure on his leg and looked down to see the Little Fucker leaning
down and hugging it, nearly throwing him off balance. He scowled and opened his
mouth to yell at her, but she was already gone. Yuu blinked. He almost wished
she would annoy him as usual. Almost. If one good thing had come out of the
whole ordeal, it was the possibility that the tiny twelve-year-old would
finally leave him alone.
Striding over to the troops that he was supposed to be training, he yelled for
them to line up. They did so without complaint. Yuu glowered icily at them. A
few of them had the presence of mind to look nervous, but the rest took it like
they were fucking whores.
“You will do five hundred push-ups,” he barked. No one complained.
“Aw, come on! That’s ridiculous. No way in hell am I—”
“You can leave,” Yuu told the soldier in the back. The man, barely younger than
him, nodded and walked off.
“Aw, c’mon, man! That’s not fair!” Said a soldier right in front of Yuu. He
kicked the idiot in the face, seeing as he had already gone into the push-up
position.
“Deal with it. And don’t cheat. If you can’t do five hundred push-ups, you will
die.” The dark-haired Exorcist fingered the hilt of his activated Innocence for
emphasis.
“We’ll die if we do the push-ups!” The soldier groused, but he continued on.
Yuu scowled down at him. The soldiers were humoring him.
“If you don’t want to do them,” he said, addressing the entire group with an
icy glare, “then don’tstare at me.”
He walked off, leaving the soldiers to their own devices. They would either
finish them or they wouldn’t. The soldiers could do what they wanted. They had
weapons training later, and Yuu could pound them into the ground then.
He felt off, very off. He walked into his room to meditate, but when he got in,
he couldn’t help but go check his Lotus, something he had started doing every
day, despite his attempts to forget about it.
It was possibly the worst sight he could have seen. He knew he probably had
lost the half-petal a while ago, what with the way the Lotus was fading so
quickly, but he was concerned about the fact that there were only two left.
Two.
Once again, he couldn’t tell Lavi, because he knew for sure that he was going
to die.
---
January 29, 2014—Allen’s Ark, Main Plaza
Lenalee surveyed the courtyard with some satisfaction. Each group of soldiers
was proficient at using the newer, higher-powered talismans and super-powered
guns for destroying Akuma. It had relieved her that the new weapons released
the poor souls, rather than condemning the victim to an eternity of sadness,
like self-destruction would. She had seen the relief in Allen’s eyes as well,
if it had been any other way, the white-haired boy would have destroyed the
weapons himself. They were expecting a large number of the creatures to be with
the Earl, though judging by the recent reports of Level Ones, she had a feeling
that the other countries would be attacked. Without Innocence, the people would
be defenseless. Which was why they had put soldiers in the other Branches of
the Order in the first place. True, they were no longer with the Order, but
they all had the same goal. Regardless of their falling-out, soldiers would be
deployed around the world to take down the Akuma.
Her phone beeped in her pocket, and she flipped it open, bringing it up to her
ear.
“General Lee,” she said.
“Hey, Lenalee!” She recognized the voice immediately as that of the Head of the
North American Branch of the Order.
“What’s going on?” She asked, concerned.
“I just wanted to tell you that we’re all prepared over here. We’re all ready
for the fourteenth, should you need us to come help you.”
“I think we may be fine,” Lenalee said. “Our soldiers seem prepared, too.
Kanda’s been working really hard with them. He’s been training a lot, too. Even
Allen and Lavi and the rest are getting into it. We have nothing else to do, so
we’ve all been working really hard. But stay ready, just in case. We never know
what may happen.”
“Of course. Oh, and the Order doesn’t know I’m calling, so I’d better go before
they start tapping our phone calls.”
Lenalee nodded and flipped her phone shut. Calling everyone over, she gestured
for them to sit down. When all had quieted, she realized she had to speak.
“We’re all set on the other continents, and it seems like we’re all doing a
great job. Really, everyone, give yourselves a pat on the back. You’re all
doing really well. We’ll definitely be ready by the fourteenth. We do need to
plan some things out, though. Obviously, Allen, the other Generals, and I will
be leading. Chu-chan, Tamas, and Cyrah, I think you guys should go after the
forming Level Six, take it down while you can.” It was an unspoken consensus
that she and Allen would take care of the Earl.
The Generals nodded, understanding the underlying comment.
“What about the pedestrians?” Cyrah asked, fingering the handle of her whip in
a mannerism that had become familiar to Lenalee. She looked up at the bright
sky, thinking.
“I can put us in Time Out,” Miranda suggested, shyly raising the hand that
wasn’t in Lolek’s. “Well, it’s not quite Time Out. I’ve been experimenting with
my powers, trying to raise my synch rate, and I think there’s a way I can keep
other people out. It’s like a time bubble, of sorts. The only differences from
the Time Out are that people can’t get in and out and that people don’t heal
inside it. It takes a lot of energy, though—more than the Time Out—but I think
I can do it if that’s all I concentrate on.”
Lenalee nodded gravely. “We’ll have someone guard you, then.”
“I’ll do it,” Lolek volunteered immediately.
“I was expecting you to,” Lenalee said, smiling. Turning back to Miranda, she
added. “Can you work on that, try to get it as big and powerful as you can?”
Miranda nodded, though she looked unsure. Lenalee understood. They’d all be
pushing their Innocence to its limits—beyond those limits if they could.
“Yuu-kun, Lavi, you guys should take down the strongest Akuma there before
going on to help the Generals with the Level Six, and if you can, we know
Strength is going to be there.” Road had had another talk with Faith, and the
holy girl had filled them in on more details she’d wheedled out of the Earl.
They knew Akuma from all over the world, especially those of the strongest
levels, would be set loose to aid in the creation of the Level Six. If they
could destroy as many as possible, they would delay the creation of the
apocalyptic Akuma.
“Strength is mine,” Cyrah and Amanda said simultaneously. They stared at each
other and nodded. Lenalee saw a bond of kinship form between them.
“Strength is going down,” Amanda said coldly, determinedly. Lenalee nodded
absently. He wouldn’t stand a chance against the two vengeful Exorcists.
“That leaves the rest of you to take care of the other Akuma—Level Threes and
up. You can all do it. We’ve been working on team maneuvers lately, so I’m sure
you’ll be able to work together really well.” Sadly, she turned to the soldiers
and continued. “We’re counting on you guys to take down the lower levels. If
you concentrate fire, you can take down Level Twos, but we’ll have Hok’ee,
Michel, Rodrigo, and Maya to assist you.”
The soldiers saluted, showing their understanding with grim looks and frowns of
concentration. Lenalee nodded and moved on.
“Obviously, we can’t plan everything, but if we keep to a general plan like
this, then perhaps we’ll come out on top. Road, you know your job.”
Road nodded. She was going to get Faith and guard her.
Lenalee disbanded the group. What they all needed to do now was practice,
train, and run drills. The Science Department was working tirelessly on better
weapons, ways to enhance the power of their Innocence. They were even creating
tiny studs that would act as golems. The little machines had gone out of
manufacture after the invention of cell phones, but during a battle like this,
it wasn’t practical. They needed people’s positions for tactical shifts and
changes in orders. Overall, though, she felt they were preparing as best they
could. Perhaps they would win. It was looking more likely by the day. As long
as they stopped the Level Six, though, Lenalee didn’t care who won.
---
February 2, 2014—Allen’s Ark
The days had gone by quickly in a blur of training, planning, and sweat.
Miranda had worked for hours at a time just on holding the strongest time
bubble she could create. She was able to cover the entire Ark, though it was
still quite weak, and it could be knocked down at the simplest lapse of
concentration. She didn’t know how she would keep it up in the battle. Even if
they evacuated all the people, it wasn’t looking likely.
Miranda had already come to the conclusion that they’d have to let some of the
people die if they wouldn’t get out on their own. They’d gone to the local
authorities, explaining what was going to happen and asking if they could
please shut the area down, but for some reason, the authorities had refused to
believe them. It seemed that, despite the Coalition’s overwhelming support, the
actual people of the world didn’t believe what was going on. They didn’t
believe there was a war. It wasn’t surprising, though. The same thing had
happened back in Miranda’s time. Years of government denial did that to people.
Lolek came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her neck and leaning down to
place a kiss on her ear. She turned her head to look behind her, and he smiled.
“Worrying again?” He asked softly, his crystalline blue eyes overflowing with
concern.
“Yeah. All those people are going to die, and I can’t do anything about it,”
Miranda explained.
“Hmmm… don’t worry about it, mein Liebchen. We’ll get them out,” he assured
her, pressing a kiss to her cheek in a comforting fashion.
Miranda blushed slightly, but she continued, “I can’t open a hole in my Time
Bubble to let them out. It weakens the entire structure and collapses it almost
immediately. They’ll be stuck inside.”
“We can put them with the soldiers, maybe even give them guns to shoot with.”
“That’s not funny, Lolek.”
“No, but the soldiers will be able to protect them at least a little bit. Come,
don’t think about it anymore.”
Miranda nodded reluctantly and turned fully so that she might embrace him. She
really did love him. Somewhere along the line, she’d forgotten the sharp
details of Noise’s face. They’d been replaced with Lolek’s. Somewhere along the
line, she’d forgotten Noise’s voice. All she could remember now was the sweet,
gentle smoothness of Lolek’s low tenor. It soothed her into sleep, it stirred
her into wakefulness. It was like her air now, just as Noise’s deep voice had
once been.
She could never fully get over the death of her former fiancé, just as one
could never truly forget a first love, but she had Lolek now, and she loved him
even more. Their relationship was easy, just like breathing, and it felt just
as good. She loved how her heart pounded around him, how she was always
comfortable in his arms, how he made her forget to be polite, how he never
judged her for her constant apologies.
“Lolek, I loves you,” she said, smiling coyly at him. She meant to lean in,
kiss him lightly on his lips, but Lolek seemed to be of the same mind, and
their foreheads smacked together.
“I’m sorry!” They exclaimed in unison, breaking off the apology to laugh. Lolek
smiled down at her, bringing his lips down to kiss her forehead.
“Shall we go back to the room?” He asked, offering her his hand. She took it,
allowing him to pull her from the training room floor. They walked hand-in-hand
back to Lolek’s room. Miranda hadn’t officially moved in, but she did spend
most of her nights there, simply lying with Lolek and most times watching him
sleep. He dreamt about Lolle a lot, and it reminded her of how much she dreamt
of Noise. Now, though, she was starting to dream of him more. It made her
happy, in a way that didn’t really make sense, though it made her sad, too. She
didn’t want to forget her time with Noise, but she also didn’t want to dwell on
it anymore.
They sat on the bed, and Lolek opened his mouth, presumably to talk. Miranda
didn’t want to talk, though. She wanted Lolek. They hadn’t done more than
engage in a few innocent kisses recently, due to their heavy training
schedules, and she wanted to correct that. Because, lewd as it sometimes might
be, Miranda liked kissing.
Lolek didn’t seem to mind as she pushed him down, coming to lie on top of him.
Actually, he made an interested noise in the back of his throat that Miranda
couldn’t quite classify as a moan. He moved his hands from her back to her
hair, pulling her face closer.
Nibbling lightly on his lower lip, she tugged at his shirt so that she could
feel the soft muscles of his chest. Lolek had been surprised at first at how
forward Miranda was in their physical relationship, but he failed to understand
at the time that she had been with Noise. Bless the man’s heart, but he was the
shyest thing she’d ever met, and she’d had to make some changes in her
personality just to get things going.
Lolek shifted, and Miranda felt something on her leg. “Oh,” she said, breaking
the contact between their lips and pulling back. She put her hands over her
mouth. “I’m sorry!” She felt her face burn with a heavy blush.
Lolek blushed too, looking away. “Don’t be,” he mumbled, his cheeks positively
glowing. “It felt… good.”
Miranda made an inquisitive noise and leaned over him again, reaching her hand
down until it was beneath his waistline. Lolek twitched against her.
“Miranda, what are you trying to hint at?” He asked in a slightly strangled
voice. She smiled down at him.
“Darcy paid me a visit last night,” she grinned.
“What?” Lolek asked, sounding somewhat alarmed.
“He’s concerned that you won’t… er… get things going with me, as he put it. And
it was his duty as the Condom Fairy… to help me,” she explained haltingly, her
face beet red and flaming.
“What?” Lolek choked out. “You…?”
“I’m twenty-eight, Lolek,” Miranda explained, looking deeply into his eyes
despite the urge to gaze anywhere else. “Neither Noise nor I was forward enough
to actually do anything. Of course I want to.”
“You’re… saying you’ve never… before?”
Miranda rubbed her hand slowly up and down. “Never.”
“Really? You’re… very good at seduction.” He was breathless.
“You’re just biased, Lolek,” she said, leaning down and kissing him lightly.
She made to sit back up, but Lolek wrapped his arms around her back and pulled
her closer, deepening the kiss again. “I’m sorry,” she breathed against his
lips.
His hands were wandering up the back of the light shirt she was wearing. “I’m
sorry, too,” he muttered, pulling her shirt off completely.
It was the first time she’d ever felt completely at ease with someone, she
thought as Lolek touched her in places Noise had never dared. She arched into
his touch, losing herself in his grip. She gave back with caresses of her own,
and when he finally connected with her, she nearly melted from the perfectness
of it all.
***** Valentine’s Day *****
Chapter_30—Valentine’s_Day
February 13, 2014—Allen’s Ark
Amanda lay curled up with her back to Mr. Darcy. His arms were around her, and
his naked chest touched her equally naked skin. Everything was warm as they
basked in the glow left over from mind-blowing sex. Placing one of her hands on
his wrist and rubbing gently, she sighed in contentment.
“Hey, Mr. Darcy?” She murmured softly, breaking the lustrous silence.
“Mmm?”
“I was just wondering… after this is all over, what are you planning on doing
with your life?”
He sighed onto the back of her neck and squeezed her closer. “Hmmm… I’ve never
really thought of it. I’m not particularly schooled, but the Coalition will
probably pay for that. What will I do?”
“You should be a male model,” Amanda said, smiling widely. She felt Darcy’s
eyebrows raise.
“Why?” He asked.
“Because you’re so sexy,” she answered, turning around so she could face him
and maybe steal a kiss or two.
“Well, what about you?” He asked, staring deeply into her eyes in the exact way
she loved.
“I’m gonna finish High School. I’ve got all my credits for it done except for
English.”
Darcy chuckled. It was common knowledge throughout the former Order that Amanda
detested the subject. “So, after you graduate, what then?”
“I’m thinking of going to college. The Order probably won’t hold up their end
of the bargain—they’ve already stopped paying for my brothers, and the
Coalition had to step in—but I’m sure I’ll be able to find financial aid if I
look hard enough. Despite what you think, I’m actually very smart,” Amanda
said, voicing her thoughts aloud for the first time. Darcy chuckled again,
obviously disbelieving.
“I want to go into Acting, maybe, or Marine Biology.”
“There’s a huge difference between the two. And aren’t you allergic to fish?”
“Yeah, well, it shouldn’t be too bad. You wear gloves and shit, and it’s not a
bad allergy, last time I checked.”
“Do you have anything else going on in your Master Plan for Life Domination?”
Darcy teased, tilting his head down so he could kiss her forehead. He smiled as
he leaned back, and he looked into her eyes in that same way, like he was
searching her soul or something. Which sounded cheesy. But Amanda was a cheesy
girl.
“I want ten kids,” she joked. Darcy balked, and she laughed, hoisting herself
up to give him a proper kiss. “Just kidding,” she whispered. It shouldn’t have
bothered her that Darcy looked relieved, even though she had been joking.
“But you’re only sixteen,” he muttered, seeming to pull away a bit. Amanda
didn’t like that, so she pressed herself closer. Darcy squirmed a bit.
“Well, I don’t want kids now,” she said. “Actually, I don’t want them for
another, like, five years. After college. After I’m married.” She looked up at
him. It disturbed her that Darcy was looking away, but she ignored it. “What
about you? Want kids?” Maybe that was the problem.
“Yeah,” he said, his voice coming out in a sigh. “A couple of little munchkins
would be fun. I’d love to terrorize them.”
“You’re incorrigible,” Amanda said, smiling as she hit his chest lightly,
playfully, with her fist. He leaned in, and they began kissing again. His
strange reactions were suddenly the last thing on her mind.
---
Everyone around them was heading in for an early night, though Allen was sure
no one would be sleeping that well. It had been the same the first time. He
also had no illusions, as he watched the various couples walk off, of what
people would be doing to pass the time. He grabbed Lenalee’s hand to pull her
off, too (though not for the same reasons, he thought with some
disappointment).
“Allen, Lenalee!” Road ran up, sounding breathless. “Faith told us we need to
be there at 8:14 tomorrow night!”
“Why such a strange hour?” Lenalee asked.
“It’s military time for 2014,” Road said softly, giving them an almost soulful
look. “You two will be okay?”
They nodded in unison. “You will too?” They asked together, perfectly in synch.
“As long as I find Faith, then yes, I’ll be fine,” she said, smiling. She
turned and hurried off. There would be plenty of time to talk the following
morning, though Allen knew no one would. There would be too much anticipation,
too much nervous energy.
As one, the two of them paced back to their shared room, holding hands and
taking comfort in each other. Lenalee closed the door behind them, and Allen
quickly disrobed and grabbed his pajama pants. Lenalee changed similarly into
the long, white negligee she was very fond of.
“Do you think everyone will be okay?” She asked him quietly as they sat on the
bed, Allen’s arm around her.
And suddenly, their lips were melded together. Allen didn’t know who started it
or if they had decided it was going to start, but it was happening. He ran his
hand through her hair, reveling in the feeling of its silky smoothness. She
must have brushed it while he wasn’t looking, because its only knots were the
ones that Allen created.
Lenalee made a sweet, sighing noise, parting her lips just slightly. Moving his
other hand to her slim waist, he added more pressure with his lips. He had
never kissed before, so he wasn’t quite sure what he was doing, but judging by
the small half-moan Lenalee made, he was doing okay. She was doing much more
than okay.
He twisted so that he was overtop of her and pushed her down onto her pillow.
Her arms came and wrapped around his neck, pulling him in. Then they traveled
down his back and up again as Allen tried softly biting her lower lip.
Yeah! Way to go, Allen! The Musician screamed in the back of his head. Allen
pulled back, his mood suddenly ruined, but Lenalee pulled him toward her, her
arms not letting him out of reach. She brought her lips back to his in a
desperate way that made him forget there was anyone named Sebastian yelling
suggestive comments in the back of his mind.
He held her close, kissing her until she did that half-moaning thing again. He
sighed happily, running a hand slowly up and down her side. She shivered under
his touch, and suddenly it was too much. Girls shouldn’t be allowed to do that,
he thought to himself as he shifted into a position that wouldn’t allow Lenalee
to notice his growing arousal.
Lenalee tore her lips away from his, breaking their kiss in an unsatisfying
way, but she pulled Allen close, lining their heads up ear-to-ear and hugging
him tightly. “Don’t die, okay?” She asked softly, conversationally, into his
ear. Allen nodded.
“I won’t,” he whispered, kissing the lobe of Lenalee’s ear before moving back
to her lips again. Hands went everywhere and nowhere at once, which was okay,
which felt good. Lenalee’s hand hit a spot on his neck, clenching in the hair
at the nape, and Allen needed to leave before things went too far. He ripped
his lips away. “Bathroom,” he said in a strangled voice, walking quickly from
the room and heading to the nearest facilities.
When he returned some ten minutes later, Lenalee was looking at him, concerned.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, placing a hand delicately on the soft skin of her
cheek. She leaned into it, but the expression didn’t leave her face.
“Sebastian came into my mind for a bit, and he said that you—you—you were… in
the bathroom… doing things,” she said, sounding horrified. Allen was sure he
heard implication in her voice. But that couldn’t be, because this was Lenalee.
“Well, I was—”
“Do you, Allen? Only I told Sebastian that he must be wrong, but I’m not sure…
so, do you?” Her voice became progressively hushed.
Blushing, Allen looked away and nodded, taking his hand from her face. “Well, I
am a guy, Lenalee. You have to… expect these kind of things.”
“But Allen… I don’t get it.”
It hurt him, sometimes, how pure and oblivious Lenalee was. Sometimes, he
cursed that brother of hers for sheltering her this much. After all, Allen had
had a perfectly good childhood, even though he’d grown up knowing the exact
mechanics of sex, drinking, and gambling thanks to Cross’s tutelage.
“Don’t worry about it, Lenalee, I’ll explain this to you after tomorrow.”
“You promise?” She asked, sounding younger than her nearly twenty years.
“Yeah, I promise,” Allen said, sitting next to her and placing an arm around
her shoulders. She leaned into his arm. Gradually, she began to relax until her
face was smooth with the beginnings of sleep. She turned, throwing an arm
around his waist as she snuggled deeper into the crook of his shoulder.
“I love you, Allen,” she sighed, smiling as her thoughts were lost in dreams.
“I love you, too,” he whispered back, kissing her forehead overtop the most
prominent of her stigmata crown before leaning them both back and placing the
covers on top of them. He had accepted long ago that he was going to die, but
he had never before wanted to fight against that fate than he did now. He
wanted to be around, marry Lenalee, maybe have a kid or two, retire into some
crazy old folks’ home that would charge him an outrageous sum just to be in,
die in some absurdly peaceful manner with Lenalee at his side, following him
just moments after.
---
There came a knock at her door just as she was pulling her pants off. Sighing,
she tugged them back on and went to answer. It was Vikram, of course. He looked
like a lost puppy who had finally found his way back home.
He didn’t say anything, just walked in closing the door and locking it behind
him. Emiko raised an eyebrow in interest.
“I’m tired of thinking,” he said, sitting on the bed and leaning his head into
his hands, covering his eyes with his fists.
“When have you ever thought?” Emiko asked lightly, sitting next to him. She
pulled him down until his head was on her lap, and she began to comb her
fingers through his hair. He chuckled humorlessly.
“I think all the time, it’s just never about important things.” He turned his
head so that he was looking up her nose. “I’m sorry, Sasaki, I should have
given you an answer ages ago.” Vikram reached up to bring her closer until
their foreheads were touching. Emiko’s back ached slightly at its bowed
position, but she ignored it. Vikram was more important than some trivial pain.
“You’re done hiding, then?” She asked, and Vikram nodded.
“But only on one condition,” he said, trying to sound serious, though Emiko
knew the difference.
“What?” She asked, smiling down at him.
“Dress like a boy again after this damned war. Don’t let Road have that kind of
control over you,” he ordered. Emiko opened her mouth to respond that it had
nothing to do with Road, but Vikram continued on, “and you also look really hot
in guys’ clothes. Every time you wore them, I…” He looked away. “…Yeah.”
Remembering the moaning in the bathroom, Emiko smiled knowingly. “It’s a
promise,” she said, and then she let her lips descend on his.
---
“AH! FUCK, VIKRAM!”
That was a mood-ruiner.
It made Lavi want to reinforce the walls more, at any rate. The fact that he
could hear this from down the hall made him want to tear out Emiko-kun’s lungs.
The phrase she’s a screamer came to mind. Next to him, Yuu grunted, looking
annoyed. Lavi not-so-secretly concurred.
He pulled the other man closer, gathering Yuu into his arms in a way he knew
the other man would usually protest to. But Yuu didn’t say a word. He simply
sat and stared at Lavi. It wasn’t an angry stare, nor was it a frustrated one.
It was the deep stare of a man who was thinking about something very important.
Lavi used that expression often, though it was usually when he was wracking his
brain for obscure facts.
Yuu laid his head on Lavi’s shoulder as they were forced to listen to Emiko-
kun’s loud screams. The sound soon died down, though, and they both sighed in
relief when the moans stopped wafting down the hallway and through their door.
“Ne, Yuu, whatcha thinkin’ about?” He asked.
“Stupid rabbits shouldn’t be so inquisitive,” Yuu muttered darkly.
“Yuu, why do you always call me stupid? And how am I a rabbit?” Lavi asked.
He’d always wondered, and he finally had the nerve to ask for an answer.
“Che. It’s a term of endearment.”
“Since when?” Lavi asked, stunned. Yuu had terms of endearment? He laughed
softly in his mind. Of course Yuu’s terms would be something strange like
“stupid rabbit.”
“Since I saw you sleeping in the library when we were sixteen. You twitch like
a rabbit in your sleep. It’s amusing. And you’re stupid because you’re
oblivious,” Yuu explained.
“I’m not oblivious!” Lavi spluttered. Yuu snorted.
“You didn’t realize they were terms of endearment.”
“Who would?” Lavi countered.
“Everyone except you,” the dark-haired man answered promptly. He sounded a bit
mocking, patronizing. Lavi withered slightly.
“You’re mean,” he muttered under his breath.
“And you’re oblivious, so now we’re even.” Yuu bit the base of his neck in a
teasing way.
“Since when have you cared about being even?” Lavi asked, shifting away so that
Yuu would stop trying to eat him.
“Since a rabbit decided to make its home where my heart used to be,” Yuu
responded, lifting his head so he could glare at Lavi. The redhead tried not to
flinch away from its intensity.
“I can’t help it. Rabbits like to eat Yuu hearts,” he said.
“No, they like to eat carrots. The rabbit who ate my heart is a retard and
didn’t know any better.”
“They like lettuce, too,” Lavi muttered in a small voice. He felt a shaking
against his chest and looked down to see Yuu suppressing laughter.
“You’re such an idiot,” the Japanese man murmured, bringing his lips to Lavi’s.
The second they came into contact, even with Yuu’s smiling mouth trying to
counteract it, Lavi became very desperate. What if this was the last time? What
if one of them died? He channeled his fervor into the way he held Yuu, into the
frenzied way he scrabbled at Yuu’s clothing, ripping the other man’s shirt in
his haste.
Yuu matched his intensity almost at once, the smile disappearing as he bit
down, beginning the series of slight mutilations they pulled to gain control.
For once, Lavi didn’t taste blood in his mouth—had Yuu learned control?—but he
didn’t waste time thinking about it. He couldn’t let the other man win, not
this time. He twisted a nipple, hard. Yuu gasped in both pain and pleasure, but
Lavi was already taking advantage of the momentary lapse of concentration,
slipping his tongue into his lover’s mouth and running it between teeth and
lower lip. He twisted Yuu so that they were facing each other completely, both
kneeling on the bed as they ripped and tugged at clothing.
The air around him whistled by as Yuu pushed him down. The redhead stared up in
confusion. When had he lowered his guard? Yuu was already on top of him,
though, scowling as he undid button and fly and slid off jeans. Lavi suddenly
felt very vulnerable. He yanked on Yuu’s hair, and the man moaned at the
pressure on his skull, but it wasn’t enough for him to lose concentration as he
slid off his own pants.
Frantically, Lavi cast his mind around for a way to get the Japanese man off-
guard, a way to reverse their positions. A hand went to his ear, and it became
very hard to focus, but he had to. Earrings didn’t matter. Warm mouths
replacing hands didn’t matter, nor did the tongues looping through the earrings
or the hand that ran smoothly through his hair, caressing him, nor did the
little moany sounds both he and Yuu were making. No, they didn’t matter. He
couldn’t remove himself from the situation, it was too good. He saw the column
of Yuu’s neck and attacked it desperately, sucking and nibbling at flesh as Yuu
did the same on his ear.
It wasn’t working. He did the first thing that came to mind, which probably
wasn’t smart, but then, he wasn’t thinking properly. He slapped Yuu. It wasn’t
too hard, but he heard the solid connection of hand to the scarred flesh of
Yuu’s chest. The dark-haired Exorcist pulled back, looking at him with a
dumbfounded expression on his face.
“Did you just… slap me?” He asked, looking confused, as if he hadn’t ever
considered the possibility. Lavi hadn’t, either, not until today.
“Yeah, deal with it,” Lavi gasped, sitting up and pushing Yuu over with his
momentum. He ran his hands down the man’s chest, drawing tantalizing circles
with his fingers, tweaking the hardened nubs of Yuu’s nipples. The dark-haired
man moaned, arching his back into Lavi’s touches—that was something he had
started doing recently, and Lavi found he rather liked it. As hard as he was
being on Yuu’s body, though, when he kissed the man again, he did it with the
softest pressure he could manage. That seemed to throw the other man further
out of balance, distracting him beyond thought. Running his tongue over the
roof of Yuu’s mouth, Lavi felt satisfied with himself. He was good at
distractions.
He brought one hand to Yuu’s hair, digging into his scalp and massaging in a
way he had come to learn Yuu enjoyed. The man wriggled a bit, and then all
signs of resistance were gone. Lavi smiled against Yuu’s lips. Good, he
thought. I’ve tamed the devil.
“Lavi…” Yuu breathed, his eyes half hooded as he pulled back to look up into
the redhead’s face. Lavi smiled again. It had been so long since they’d done
anything—he cursed the barely-healed hairline fracture in his hip. He missed
the noises his lover made, probably more than anything else. Reaching down, he
tossed Yuu’s boxers aside and let his hand hover over its goal. Yuu scowled up
at him, and Lavi smiled right back down, enjoying this position.
There was no time for anything else, and they were too desperate for any
contact between them that the redhead simply made to spit on his fingers. Yuu’s
scowl deepened. “Fuck no, rabbit,” he hissed, grabbing Lavi’s hand and bringing
it to his mouth. The redhead raised an eyebrow, intrigued. Yuu had never done
anything like that before.
It was probably a trick. He was probably doing it to gain dominance. Lavi
couldn’t have that, wouldn’t have that. He made Yuu gasp as he encircled the
other man’s erection with his free hand. Yuu was doing fantastic things with
his tongue, things Lavi mirrored on the man himself. When his fingers were
finally released, he reached down, going straight for the already twitching
tight coil of muscle. It spasmed against his finger, eliciting another smile as
he pressed inside.
He liked the way Yuu moaned, raising his hips wantonly and gasping as Lavi
stretched and prodded at the taut space. Leaning down, he kissed Yuu chastely
before moving back to get a better angle so that Yuu would make that… tiny…
hiss that happened every time he got the man’s prostate. Triumphant, Lavi hit
it again, and then once more. Yuu growled at him the third time, pulling him
back, as if he didn’t much like the idea of having little skin-to-skin contact.
Lavi agreed and came willingly back into the Japanese man’s arms.
Yuu’s fingers tugged at his ear, scratched at his hips, and they lay on their
sides, completely melded together and touching everywhere except the one place
that counted. Lavi was vaguely shell-shocked when the fiery contact dissolved
into nothing. He twisted his head around, looking for Yuu, but he wasn’t there,
he wasn’t—
“Jesus Christ!”
He hadn’t meant to yell out, but he had discovered where Yuu went. He didn’t
mean to, but his hands went straight to Yuu’s hair, neither pushing him away
nor pulling him closer, simply twining there, tugging as Yuu did those same
maddening things with his tongue, only this time, it felt a million times
better. Perhaps it was because it wasn’t on his fingers. Yuu’s tongue flitted
almost teasingly over the head of Lavi’s erection, and his eye rolled back.
Where had Yuu learned to do these things?
No. No, he didn’t want to know. He just wanted to enjoy, because Yuu’s hand had
joined his mouth, and he was content to let his hips roll up as he clenched his
hands tighter in the other man’s infuriatingly black locks. The locks cascaded
like dark sheet metal, tickling Lavi’s legs as he began to writhe.
“Yuu—no—I’m not… done with you yet,” he gasped out, not quite sure which
language he was speaking and not giving a damn either way. The man released
him, and Lavi could only reach out blindly for his lover, holding him in his
arms as he lined himself up and thrust in deeply.
Yuu groaned after a moment, lifting his hips in a way Lavi had come to learn
meant he wanted him to keep moving. He complied immediately. He wanted to move,
too. The space was tight and warm and wonderful and familiar all at once. Lavi
felt a moan tear itself from his own throat as Yuu grabbed his shoulders,
pulling him down so that they could kiss again.
Tongues were out of the question, they were moving too fast to avoid accidental
chomping, but their lips moved against each other as they did the same with
their bodies, hearts beating, lungs starving for breath, sweat covering them
both in a thin, almost sparkling sheen. They probably stood out in stark
contrast against the growing darkness.
They had to hurry, or else it would get dark. They didn’t do dark anymore. But
there was the lamp. There was no need for haste. There was never any need for
haste. Lavi threw out his hand, removing it from Yuu’s scalp, where it had come
to rest again, and groped wildly for the lamp they had moved to the bedside
table. He yanked on the chain, upsetting the lampshade, but his hand was
already back to Yuu, this time tracing patterns on the man’s chest.
The Japanese man’s dark hair was damp with sweat when Lavi ran his right hand
through it again. He dropped his left hand down to Yuu’s neglected arousal as
he thrust in with more force than the others. Yuu let out a strangled half-
moan, half-snarl, bringing the redhead ever closer, raising his hips to meet
him again and again.
It was too much, and the dull throbbing that had begun in his hip was enough to
throw him over the edge. He pulled out, making a complete mess of their covers.
Yuu hissed at the loss of stimulation, and Lavi moved his left hand faster,
tracing patterns he knew drove the other man crazy. He pressed at some of the
knots at the back of Yuu’s neck, and the other man hit his orgasm too.
They collapsed against each other, avoiding the pool of Lavi’s ejaculate,
breathing heavily in a tangle of arms and legs and kisses that still connected
the two of them. Something was different, and they both knew it. It was a dark,
horrible feeling that one of them would die, and neither of them could shake
it.
---
It was strange that they were allowed to sleep in as long as they wanted, and
the sun was high in the sky when Lavi finally awoke. He breathed in deeply and
coughed. Their room smelled horrible, like sex and sweat and something that
could possibly be identified as burnt cinnamon. Lavi wrinkled his nose and
tried to get up. With horror, he realized he was stuck to his sheets.
“Fuck,” he hissed, trying to make as little noise as possible. Yuu wasn’t a
morning person. Or an afternoon person. Or a waking up person.
Lavi turned his head, noting that Yuu was lying with his scarred back to him—a
sign of explicit and complete trust—his form curled into a loose ball. Sighing,
Lavi leaned down, brushing some of the hair from the side of Yuu’s face and
kissing the dark-haired man’s cheek tenderly. The man let out a little waking
sigh and opened his eyes, his customary scowl of doom on his face.
“Mornin’, Yuu,” Lavi smiled, trying to ignore the growing unease in his heart.
Yuu sat up, ignoring him as he usually did upon waking, and climbed over Lavi.
He grabbed the long bathrobe Lavi had gotten him for Christmas and mumbled
something that sounded remotely like “shower.” Lavi got up to follow him,
prying his legs from the sheets before grabbing his towel and his own robe
(pink and courtesy of Amanda—Yuu hated it).
They didn’t talk on the way there or on the way back. They didn’t talk in the
shower, either. They grabbed their Exorcist uniforms from their dressers, and
it was as they dressed that Lavi broached the topic he’d been thinking about
for a while.
“Ne, Yuu,” he began as he pulled on his lucky pair of bunny boxers, “what are
we gonna do after all this is over?”
Yuu didn’t answer right away, and they continued dressing, pulling on pants and
shirts before Yuu spoke. “We’re going to Japan,” he said simply, with a soft,
deep conviction, as if nothing would stop that from happening. He pulled on his
long Exorcist jacket and placed his utility belt around his slim waist.
“Why?” Lavi asked, guiding his arm through the right side of his own jacket.
“To visit my mother’s grave,” Yuu replied, pulling his hair up into his usual
ponytail. Lavi came up behind him, snaking arms around the other man’s middle
and placing his chin on Yuu’s shoulder.
“We’ll definitely go, then,” he said, completing their silent promise. They
would both survive. They couldn’t die. There was too much to live for.
Yuu turned and pushed him, backing him up through the considerable space until
he hit the door, making Lavi’s shoulder crack. Yuu’s mouth smashed his in a
hot, hard, and desperate kiss. It reminded Lavi of the one he’d given Yuu all
those years ago before what was supposed to have been the final battle.
“Don’t you dare die, rabbit, or I’ll bring you back from the dead so I can kill
you myself,” Yuu hissed, giving Lavi a look so mixed with fear and love and
resolution that it was hard to tell which was which.
“I won’t if you won’t,” Lavi whispered back, leaning forward to let their lips
mingle again. He was the tenderness to Yuu’s harshness, a perfect combination.
They completed each other, and neither was willing to lose that.
---
February 14, 2014, 8:00 PM—London, England
Heart fluttering nervously, Faith gazed out at the Thames, hoping with every
fiber of her being that Allen and Lenalee would get there on time. With only
fourteen minutes until the beginning of Six, it was becoming increasingly
difficult not to show how much she detested the fat man next to her.
The Millennium Earl, her Vengeance, leaned down, looking over the side of the
carriage that rested, barely swaying atop the Eye, the perpetual smile on his
face somewhat wider and more smug than usual. “It’s nearly time ,” he
commented. Faith nodded anxiously, not reacting in either a positive or
negative way. She glanced nervously at Big Ben, simply waiting; there was
nothing else she could do. Suddenly, a bright, Innocence-green flare lit the
sky, engulfing the area, illuminating it.
“Well, this is indeed surprising ! It seems our little plan was given away ,”
the Earl laughed. Faith didn’t like the way he was looking at her, benign and
predatory all at once.
“Earl, why are you looking at me like that?” Faith asked, looking up at him in
fear.
“It seems someone told the Exorcists. Since I’ve lost the element of surprise,
I’m going to need some help ,” he said quietly, smiling down at her with a leer
in his golden eyes. He edged forward, and Faith inched back until she was at
the steep ledge of the tall Ferris wheel. Swallowing hard, she stepped back
into thin air. She would survive. Noah could not die, not with the Healer still
inside. Her body would die, but her soul would live on until her body
regenerated. She had to get away from the Earl.
But she was scooped up by the clown-like Noah. He placed her, shaking and
quivering like a newborn calf, in the middle of the roof. She scrambled to get
away, flailing limbs and scratching at the even surface to gain leverage, but
the Earl held her still, placing one hand on her forehead and the other on her
chest.
Immediate, abrupt pain soared through her, and she felt as if she was flying,
gliding on intensely hot thermals. Her screams broke the silence of the night
as Big Ben tolled the fourteenth after, rather than the quarter. The first
chime clawed at the bonds, discovering them, harnessing them, and pulling them
back until she was sure of the presences beneath her consciousness.
Sarah. Dear, dear Sarah. And Tyki. Cyril, too. Beside him, Jasdevi. And next to
them, Charlie. Charlie had his arm around Skin. Lulu, purring in her cat form,
sat on Skin’s large, muscled shoulders. They were all pure once more, ashen
skin melted away by her untainted soul. The same light, heavenly stigmata
brushed their foreheads with unearthly grace, and when she looked at them, she
knew the Earl could never control them again. They were hers, just as they had
always been.
She made to smile at the Earl, blood on her lips from the pressure on the
bonds, but the second chime created a portal above them. The bonds were once
more yanked without finesse or regard. She screamed, oh dear God, did she
scream. Akuma wailed out of the clear, round circle, filling the air until all
Faith could see was refracted Innocence off their metal hides. Like a sickening
sea of locusts, they descended on the Exorcists who must have been waiting
there.
The third chime began the battle, and as Faith’s world went black, she smiled
up at her dearest kin. “I’m proud of you,” she said, her voice quiet and choked
with emotion and injury. She fell to the surface of the smooth carriage. The
last thing she felt was a light pair of arms picking her up and carrying her
somewhere far away, somewhere warm.
Road, she called through her mangled bonds, and the person carrying her petted
her hair lightly, comfortingly, until all was black and everything was peaceful
once more.
---
8:14 PM
Akuma rained on them like a thunderstorm of death. It was like one of those
epic poems he’d been forced to read back when he was in school. Like The
Odyssey, only not at all. Because this was real life, and real life meant that
a person couldn’t trick their enemies by humping sheep. As the Akuma advanced
to a threatening proximity, Darcy saw Michel lift his right arm, the chainsaw
that was his Innocence activating, and turn to the stoic Native American
Exorcist.
“Hok’ee—for Frodo?” He asked, his voice carrying despite the priming of the
Akuma cannons that were becoming progressively louder.
The man nodded and activated his own Innocence. “For Frodo,” he affirmed. Darcy
liked this epic.
As Michel’s chainsaw roared to life, Darcy raised his cutlass high above his
head. “FOR FRODO!” He yelled, brandishing his weapon as if that alone would
stop the Akuma. He ran forward, breaking rank, as Hok’ee and Michel did the
same. The first volley of shots went by. Behind him, he heard Amanda roar a
similar sentiment, and then her discus was whipping at the nearest Level One,
exploding it on impact. It whistled back to her, and Darcy put his mind on his
own fight. A moth-like Level Three fluttered over to him, and an eroding wind
of some sort descended in a sickly-scented patch that the ginger man barely
dodged.
“Fuck off, you ho,” Darcy spat at it, and rent it through with his cutlass. It
made a satisfying squelching noise and exploded into the air like a poisonous
firework. Looking around in the Innocence-illuminated sky, he saw debris fall
and scatter. He followed the pieces with his eyes, hoping none of them would
hit Amanda. His gaze fell on the Eye, and to his horror, he saw the Earl
descending to the Eye’s axis, floating Mary Poppins-style with his umbrella
golem supporting his massive girth.
A bullet from a Level One made a small crater not three centimeters in front of
Darcy, and he flinched back, cursing his inattention. He tossed his cutlass up
at the round, metal machine. It exploded upon impact, spreading more smoke,
oil, and shrapnel into the sky. The screaming of the pedestrians had already
begun. Darcy wanted to shake his head at their idiocy—if they’d only just
listened…—but his focus needed to be on the battle. A bright light flashed from
the Eye, and Darcy turned wildly, searching for its source.
This time, he had to hastily swallow the bile threatening the back of his
throat. A metal frame was hooked up to the middle of the axis, spread out as if
being crucified. It was grotesque and tiny, completely black, and possibly the
most hideous thing Darcy had ever seen. And it was only a skeleton. It was the
air around it, though, the almost palpable, stinking aura of hatred and
destruction that made him want to sink his cutlass into it himself.
Like a vacuum cleaner, the Akuma began to fly backward, the higher levels
nearly zooming with their lesser mass. The Generals flitted about, getting as
close as they dared, trying to stop the process, but Darcy saw the futility of
the situation. Even Allen and Lenalee couldn’t keep up as the Akuma were all
literally absorbed into the Level Six. Slaying an Akuma that flew by too close,
the ginger man ran off to help quell the still rising tide of Akuma. Hok’ee and
Michel would do fine on their own.
---
8:43 PM
Maya was already finding it hard to breathe. When Miranda had come up to her
and Rodrigo and asked them to guard the civilians, she had agreed, thinking it
would be easy. But all the people ran off in different directions, searching
for an exit, and for nearly twenty minutes, Rodrigo had run around, herding
them toward her. Miranda herself was in a completely different area—strategy,
she had said—along with the soldiers.
Perhaps Maya shouldn’t have agreed to this. Another cloud of Akuma loomed
overtop them, and even flares of Innocence-ridden fire couldn’t reach them.
Rodrigo’s sound waves did little damage, but the Akuma were picking the
civilians off like the metaphorical flies they were.
As much as she despised the girl, Krista was doing the most up there, dodging
bullets and taking out as many Akuma as possible. She had joined their efforts,
as most of the Level Ones were going for the easy prey.
Batting yet another missile away from the civilians with her flaming sword,
Maya surveyed the group. It was smaller than it had been only five minutes ago,
and though their screams had died, their tears had not. Another bullet fell
like hail from the sky, striking a young girl in the shoulder. She was ash
within seconds. Furious, Maya tried again to make a tongue of fire bolt far
enough in the sky. She was rewarded with an explosion.
A second later, half the cloud was gone. Apparently, Akuma set each other off
when in extremely close quarters. But just as before, the portal in the sky
spewed out replacements for them. The atmosphere was growing heavy with an
almost hopeless feeling, but Maya ignored it. She heard Rodrigo grunt as he
fell to the ground, dodging a bullet aimed for his head.
A scream shattered through the veil of battle sounds. Maya looked up and saw
Krista in a battle with a Level Two. She tried to get close to it, but she
couldn’t get her talons in reach. The Akuma had long arms, and it was using
their length to simply bat at her, as if playing with its food. Maya felt
grimly determined. This Akuma was in reach. Tightening her grip on the sword in
her hand, she jumped, grunting with the effort of trying to get extra height.
She caught its foot, sinking it lower to the ground and distracting it enough
for Krista to get a blow in. It was glancing, but it took the Akuma’s attention
from Maya. Swinging her sword back, the Mexican Exorcist sliced the Akuma
through, using her momentum to grab Krista and drag her away before it
exploded.
She may have muttered something. Or screamed something. She wasn’t sure.
Everything was too loud and too quiet at the same time; there was too much
going on. Maya heard Rodrigo’s guitar, the whine of the Akuma cannons, Krista
screeching as usual, heartfelt prayers from the doomed people below, and then
suddenly, everything was silent. Everything was gone, except for the pain that
rocketed through her. She felt her grip on Krista’s ankle loosen and fall
completely. She didn’t feel her hand hit the ground.
She blinked. Rodrigo blurred into her vision, but everything was so hard to
see. Were his lips moving?
“Gabe? Gabriel, stay with me, babe!”
With the last of her breath, she snickered. Only Rodrigo called her that. He
called her his angel, even though they were only friends. He called her
everything under the sun, and she did the same to him. The only person
tolerable enough to be around. Why were his words becoming so garbled? He was
saying something else, wasn’t he?
“Rod,” she choked out as ash filled her mouth.
Why did he lurch forward? Why was blood dripping from his mouth? He looked in
pain. But there was ash in her mouth, and then everything was ash. She couldn’t
see it, but she knew it.
And then there was nothing at all but a sweet, sweet melody and beautiful
clouds, and when she looked around, Rodrigo was right next to her.
So were the civilians.
***** Field of Innocence *****
Chapter_31—Field_of_Innocence
February 14, 2014, 8:57 PM—London, England
The Cat o’ Nine Tails was possibly the best weapon ever invented. It sailed
out, nine beautiful and golden snaking strands, and crashed into her enemies
with nigh-impossible force. Most of Cyrah’s enemies exploded at once, but for
some reason, Chaz Gaffigan was resisting her destructive lashes. Even when she
did make contact with his skin, he shrugged it off as if he hadn’t been struck
at all. Next to her, Amanda’s discus pelted him ruthlessly, but that, too, was
ineffective.
“Die already, you stupid fucker!” Amanda shouted, catching her Innocence and
whipping it at him again with renewed force. Sweat sparkled at her temples and
forehead as they caught the light from Miranda’s Time Bubble.
The discus struck home, but it didn’t dent Strength at all, as if even his
hide—Cyrah refused to call it skin—had the fortitude of iron. Trying something
new, she waited until Amanda’s next attack before slicing her whip through the
air after it. Amanda’s Innocence hit Strength in the arm, and Cyrah’s wrapped
tightly around it, digging the discus into the Noah’s flesh.
Surprisingly, the Noah screamed out, and a great stream of blood drooled its
way down the over-muscled appendage. Jerking his arm free with a grimace that
might have indicated pain, Strength punched the ground. A great pile of
concrete dust merged with the smoke and debris, blinding Cyrah to everything
farther from her than her skin. Thankfully, Strength did not attack, though
when the dust finally cleared, he was gone.
Cyrah looked around, trying to locate her enemy. Gravely, she turned to Amanda,
who was searching in a similar manner.
“The coward,” she hissed.
“He’s probably somewhere else completely,” Amanda agreed. Pointing to her left,
a place Cyrah noticed had fewer Akuma, Amanda added, “I’ll head over there. If
you find him, give me a buzz through the earring.” She pointed to the stud that
doubled as a walkie-talkie of sorts.
Cyrah didn’t agree overtly, but she shifted her eyes away from the young girl,
knowing that they would both get to finish the cowardly bastard off.
She headed off in a different direction of her own and was forced to dodge a
flash of purple light. Twitching her eyes in its direction, she saw a Level
Four dueling Chu-chan. High above, a green flutter alerted Cyrah to the
presence of her least favorite apprentice. She said that with all fondness.
With a flick of her wrist, the Cat extended the length of its tails. A second
flick brought it into glancing contact with the Level Four. Another purple
light arced its way toward her, and she dodged. Flipping her Innocence out once
more, she managed to encircle the golden tails around the Akuma’s ankles,
knocking it to the ground as Chu-chan’s machine gun wore down its armor.
A bazooka blast came from nowhere, charging into the Level Four’s head. It did
little actual damage, but a second strike with the whip over the same place
drew the oily blood from inside the little bugger.
“Elliot, what did Chu tell you about staying away from the higher levels?”
Cyrah squawked after him, but the little British boy was already gone, aiming
at a nearby Level Two.
The Level Four abruptly moved backward, obviously getting sucked into the
vacuum that was the Level Six.
“Not another one!” Cyrah yelled, frustrated. She sent out her Innocence once
more, willing the tails to become stiff and pointed. All nine punctured the
Akuma’s chest with surprising accuracy, and fell to the ground, no longer alive
or useful to the death machine being created.
Taking a brief pause to assess the situation, Cyrah saw a Level Five from the
corner of her eye. “Tuan!” She called. She might have heard a grunt, but she
was already jumping out of range of the first shot. Chu activated his Innocence
to its third level attacks, sending out cannon balls of pure Innocence at the
laughing Akuma in front of them.
Cyrah had not been at the battle in the United Nations building, but Chu-chan
had. His look of terror as he saw what descended upon them convinced her that
Level Fives were not to be trifled with. She’d never fought one before. She
wasn’t looking forward to it.
Its opening attack of spikes that seemed to be laden with poison struck at the
ground, Exorcists—who dodged—and other Akuma alike. It was a blessing, Cyrah
supposed, that a spike killed a Level Four that had been looming nearby. It
allowed her to concentrate on not being slain. She was very glad that she had
decided to join the soldiers in their military exercises. She dodged another
round of spikes and unleashed her Innocence upon the advancing Level Five. One
lash of her deadly whip shredded a wing, disturbingly near its shoulder. It let
out a guttural cry, and in its distraction, Cyrah ripped the other one off. It
made a nasty, screeching sound as it tore and fell to the ground.
The Level Five fell down after its wing, its mutilated child’s face wrenched in
acute pain. It vaguely surprised her that Akuma could feel such things, but at
this state of evolution, she had no idea what to expect. She cast a cursory
glance over to the Level Six and saw it was still absorbing Akuma as if they
were its power source. Then she was back, focusing on her own battle, renting
deep fissures in the Level Five’s back. Chu-chan followed up with a volley of
bullets that nestled themselves deep inside the Akuma.
Cyrah didn’t expect it to explode that quickly, but as she tore its head from
above its shoulders, it made a gagging sound and spread shrapnel and fire
through the smoke-filled air. Another winged creature flew down, and Cyrah
pulled her Innocence upward, intending to crash it down on the airborne figure.
“Cyraaaah!” It shouted, impacting with her. She fell backward with the
creature’s momentum. Something warm and wet hit her neck, and when she finally
realized what was happening, she pushed her least favorite apprentice off of
her.
“This is a battle!” She reprimanded, looking up into the sky and scanning for
more Akuma. Besides a third Level Four that had engaged Chu-chan, there were
none paying attention to them. “You don’t do things like—what is it!?” She
tried not to be aggravated, but the little girl was crying.
“Maya and Rodrigo are dead! I don’t know what to do! All the
civil—civili—people are dead. Please let me fight with you, Cyrah! I’m scared.”
The girl was pleading, and as much as Cyrah wanted to refuse, she just
couldn’t. Gathering the girl back into her arms, she gave her a brief but
heart-felt hug.
“There are lots of Level Ones and Twos higher in the air. Can you get rid of
them for us?” She asked as gently as she could, despite the fact that she had
to scream out her request.
Krista nodded, sniffing, and ascended with a flap of her green-flaming wings.
Cyrah was rewarded for her patience, because a moment later there was a series
of satisfying explosions from above. She had to admit, the little girl was
good… but not good enough for what was heading her way. She screamed at the top
of her lungs for the girl to get away. The battle was too loud, though, and
Krista didn’t even acknowledge that she had heard her.
The Level Three was drawing in on her latest apprentice. Lashing her whip at a
lower-leveled Akuma trying to take advantage of her lapse in attention and
consequently destroying it, Cyrah screamed again.
And then she froze, her cries cut off mid-word. She found where Strength had
disappeared to. She extended all nine tails, trying to reach the minuscule girl
who was so high in the air, but Strength—carried by the Level Three Cyrah had
just tried to warn her pupil of—got to her first. The Noah launched himself
from the aggrieved-looking Akuma and grabbed hold of Krista’s wings, ripping
them from her back.
Krista screamed and fell. Cyrah watched, transfixed, as her apprentice landed
with a splatting noise just a few feet in front of her. Blood splashed onto her
jacket, but she could do little more than blink. Above, Strength was being held
once more by his Akuma chariot.
Machine gun fire alerted her that Chu-chan, too, had seen her student being
slaughtered. She ripped her eyes from Chu’s battle with Strength and channeled
all of her numbness and repressed grief into her whip. It glowed even brighter
and rained terror down on anything that touched it. She needed to reach them,
lend her son what aid she could, and take down the son of a bitch that had
killed so many.
More power, she hissed to her Innocence, more synch.
It responded to her by glowing a brilliant, dazzling gold. It shot through a
Level Five, destroying it with ease. Cyrah smiled bitterly. If only her
Innocence could do that to—
A cry, a small, tiny yelp, alerted her to Chu-chan’s battle. She looked ahead
and saw Strength smash his head against a nearby telephone pole. He went down,
and he didn’t get back up.
“Tuan!” She yelled, running with desperation over to the one person who had
been her friend. The one person who had supported her when the Order had killed
her unborn child. The person who had become like her own child.
Ignoring the battle completely, she ran over to his side, where Strength was
looming.
“You stay the fuck away from him, BITCH!” She shrieked, wailing her Innocence
on him with as much force as she could muster. For the second time, she saw
blood. He looked up at her, distracted from the Vietnamese man he’d been
fighting. The Noah ran forward, obviously trying to hit her with a punch. Cyrah
didn’t much feel like getting hit, though, so she recalled the claws back and
struck out again. All nine tails wrapped around Strength’s already outstretched
wrist. Pulling down, she was once again splattered with blood as the Noah’s
hand fell with a plop to the ground.
His gait faltered, and Cyrah lashed out a second time. The claws—large, sharp
diamonds of Innocence—dug deep into his shoulders and back. One claw hit him in
the forehead, on the ugly parody of the stigmata. He got up and made to hit her
again, but she dodged quickly, just as she had done with every other fight. She
was surprisingly dexterous, easily able to dart to the sides and fall to the
ground, only to spring back up moments later, despite her age. She made use of
her ability now.
She whipped his side, cutting deep welts there. Jumping from his fist again,
Cyrah pelted his legs. The Noah fell to the ground, and Cyrah used the
opportunity to cripple him further. He ducked under the pain of her whip, but
she continued, switching hands so that the marks cluttering his back criss-
crossed. Perhaps it was sadistic of her, but she felt a little inkling of
satisfaction as the Noah whimpered in apparent pain.
“Where’s your strength now, Noah?” She asked mockingly. Kicking him in the side
she’d whipped, she added, “come on, get up. You didn’t go easy on Artemis; I’m
not going to go easy on you. You killed my son, you killed my apprentice. I
think it’s time for you to die.”
The Noah tried to get up, but Cyrah wrapped the whip around his neck as he
raised his head. She pulled back and up, taking a step backward to add strength
to the maneuver. Just like his wrist, his head popped off.
It made a gratifying squelching sound as it hit the ground only half a meter
from the hunched-over body.
She continued whipping at the corpse. Noahs didn’t go down easily.
But he never got up, even after his body was little more than a sliced-up,
tenderized piece of meat.
---
9:33 PM
This battle was unlike all the others Lavi had ever been in. For one, he was
overwhelmed with trying to pay attention to everything while still fighting.
Worse, though, was how blinding his worry for his lover was becoming. Yuu had
only three and a half petals. The man hadn’t talked about it, but Lavi knew he
was worried. The careful way he was fighting indicated that.
Yuu took down the Level Four he was fighting with a final stroke of his
chokuto. He turned back to look at Lavi, and their eyes met before the redhead
went back to his own Level Four.
“Hiban!” He yelled, striking his hammer down on the seal beneath his feet. The
fiery snake shot out from his hammer, engulfing the Akuma in front of him.
While it was distracted, he hit it with the pointed tip of his Innocence, and
it died with a gurgling explosion.
Another Akuma came up—a Level Five this time. Looking over at Yuu with a
determined expression, Lavi nodded. They would take this one down together. He
saw Yuu activate his Fourth Illusion and begin attacking. Suddenly, he was
flying back. Extending Oodzuchi into the ground to stop his fall, he looked at
the Level Five. How had he not noticed that shot coming?
Running forward, he made to hit the Akuma, but Yuu was already dancing around
it, slicing at limbs as the Akuma shot beams of purple light at him, missing
each time. Lavi tried not to be distracted, but just as when he was training,
Yuu was a vision when he fought. Lavi wished he could take the time to fix the
image in his brain further than his Bookman-trained mind did automatically, but
he’d get yelled at if he stayed out of the fight too long. He came back with a
vengeance, blocking a few of the purple beams with the head of his hammer.
He managed to hit the damn thing with a direct fire seal, though it did next to
nothing. He needed more power in his attacks. He struck his hammer down on the
damn thing’s head, and his Innocence shone with the effort. Yuu got the fucker
through the face, and then it, too, was slain as the swordsman ripped the blade
down through metal and flesh to the ground.
A loud, grunting cry came from next to them as Tamas passed through, throwing
his machete into the air to change its angle in his hand. He stabbed at the
Level Five he was fighting, missing. He slashed at the Akuma, this time making
brief contact, but Lavi couldn’t concentrate on that battle to see what else
happened.
There were more Level Fours and Fives emerging from wherever the hell they’d
come.
“Use your fire seal directly after my attack,” Yuu yelled as he passed by. Lavi
nodded, turning and following his lover until they were engaging the nearest
Level Four. He did as he was told. The Akuma tried to hit them with purple
light, but it was dead before it could release the energy.
“We make a great team, don’t we, Yuu?” He asked as they took on the next Akuma.
In the distance, Lavi heard an epic explosion, and when he turned his attention
briefly to its origins, he saw a mini-Tamas looking triumphant as he fought a
new enemy.
Yuu grunted—Lavi hoped it was affirmative, but he didn’t have the time to care.
They were in for a long night. And from the looks of things—the Level Six
absorbing so many, the Earl cackling from his position atop the Eye, the portal
spewing out a never-ending supply of Akuma—it was going to be tiring.
---
9:41 PM
With a tiny moan, Faith’s world regained color, if not focus. Around her was an
impossibility. All her kin, from Sarah to Cyril, crowded above her with blurry
expressions of concern. She tried to sit up, but soft, gentle hands held her
down.
It’s okay, Road said in her head, tugging at bonds that still ached from being
mutilated. You’re hurt. The Earl did something very bad to… The voice faded
away, leaving her head and reappearing a moment later like a badly-tuned radio.
…eed to know how they can help.
She opened her mouth to speak, but words would not come out. Her vocal chords
wouldn’t move, as if they were stuck. All that passed through her throat was
air. The fuzziness of her vision had not receded. Delving into her mind, she
looked at the bonds. They’d been manhandled, stretched thin in places. Some
held the erratic pattern of being fisted. It hurt to look at them, it hurt to
see how ragged they were.
Faith, dear, you can’t hear, and your vision feels wrong to me. You lost your
voice screaming. I can heal that for you, but you have to let me close.
Elizabeth was speaking, though her voice was soft, rising and falling like
Road’s had.
You… are outside? She asked, wincing as her inner voice cut at her own head. It
traveled through one of her many bonds, and she wanted to scream out as pain
hit the Healer’s section of her brain. It hurt to use the bonds, just like it
had hurt to look at them, only this was physical.
Dear, you won’t let anyone but Road touch you. Please, let me help you. I may
even be able to do something about the bonds, Elizabeth implored. Faith tried
to nod, but that only made her vision swim more.
A hand touched her head, a sweet, cool hand that felt like ice on fevered skin.
She tried not to flinch back, to bat it away, though she wanted to. She didn’t
know why, but she wanted to. Elizabeth placed a second hand to her chest, and
suddenly everything was peaceful, as if there wasn’t a battle raging outside
wherever they were, as if hundreds of people hadn’t just been killed, as if Six
wasn’t about to happen. It was as if all there was in the world was her and her
kin in a nice, warm room. The bright, blurred flashes from the distance didn’t
bother her.
A bond fixed itself, and then Elizabeth was inside her again, healing her as
fast as possible. The other bonds righted themselves, straightening and evening
until they were as they should be. Vision returned to normal, and sound came to
her ears. She coughed loudly as her voice returned.
Looking up at her dear friends, her dear brothers and sisters, she spoke aloud.
“How long?”
“Nearly an hour and a half,” Tyki answered. He knew she was asking about the
battle. They all did. They were all connected, after all.
“How are you all…?” She asked, sitting up.
“We’ve always been with you, just hidden where the Earl couldn’t find us,”
Sarah responded softly.
“I… I’m sorry,” Faith said meekly, looking down at her lap and twiddling her
fingers absentmindedly.
A warm hand, one she had not felt in a long time, was placed on her shoulder.
Faith looked up into Sarah’s gentle, open face. “It is not your fault,” she
said, and Faith nodded. She believed Sarah. She would always believe Sarah.
“Is there anything we can do?” Charlie asked, his voice passionate.
“Just help in any way you can,” Faith said. “And forgive me,” she added as an
afterthought.
“There was never anything to forgive,” Sarah said, smiling. She reached down,
hugging Faith, before she turned and left the room, beckoning for the others to
join her.
Faith watched them leave and pulled herself further into Road’s light embrace.
“I’m cold,” she said. She felt Road nod against her head.
“I know, Faith. You’ll be warm soon, okay?”
Faith shivered into Road. “Do you promise?” She asked, knowing she sounded
childlike but needing the reassurance anyway.
“I promise,” Road said firmly. Faith smiled. It would all be okay as long as
she was warm.
---
10:29 PM
Death. All around her was death. Moans and groans and gurgles as people died.
Cries as the soldiers fell, one by one. To her left, a Russian boy barely older
than her succumbed to the poison the Akuma bullets contained. To her right, a
young German woman screamed as an Akuma tore her arm off. Someone else shot at
the Akuma, and it exploded, incinerating the limb and splattering blood and
gore everywhere. Some of it hit Emiko.
She shot the more agile shuriken at an Akuma in the distance as she searched
the faces of the soldiers. Emiko laughed to herself. They were dropping like
flies. Or like those people in Star Trek who wore the red uniforms. She had
always liked Star Trek. She wasn’t so sure she did anymore.
Hiroshi. That’s who she was looking for, even as her Innocence recalled itself
to her hand and morphed back into its first level—the nunchucks—for easier
hand-to-hand combat. She whapped the nearest Level Two. It struck back, but she
continued in with her attacks, jumping about like the ninja she supposed she
represented. She was a bad ninja, though. Everyone knew how bad she was at
stealth.
She saw a kid with black hair, and her heart lurched. She bludgeoned the Akuma
into the ground, where it exploded, sending little bits of gray stone and dust
everywhere. Vikram ran over to her and screamed something that she couldn’t
understand. There was too much noise everywhere.
“More soldiers?” He screamed again, Emiko shook her head.
“No!” She yelled back. “They’ll all die, it isn’t worth it!”
Vikram nodded and turned back to the Akuma he was fighting. Emiko threw her
shuriken into a nearby Akuma, which had been coming up behind a lone solider.
She froze as she recognized his posture.
“Hiroshi, get down!” She screamed, and the boy ducked and narrowly escaped the
following explosion.
“SASAKI!” Vikram’s voice rang out as a warning bell, and she turned just in
time to see it. The Indian Man had his back to her, ass crack showing as
always—he hadn’t worn the belt to the battle, claiming it to be “too precious
to lose.” Emiko didn’t believe a word of it. He shuddered backward as a
projectile careened into him with a whistling noise.
She lobbed her shuriken at the attacking Akuma, more out of reflex than
anything else. Dropping to Vikram’s side, she grabbed his head. He was too
dark, and blackened stars were forming over every inch of exposed flesh.
“No,” she whispered, horrified. “Vikram!”
He smiled up at her, his eyes crinkling in that way they always did when he was
truly happy. “Keep fighting, Sasa-chan.”
He watched as Vikram turned to ash in his arms. And then he got up and fought.
---
11:04 PM
Power was fading. Time pulsed within her, and she gasped wildly. It was
becoming so hard to hold on to everything. Miranda felt a groan coming from
deep within her throat and released it out into the night air. Time was so hard
to keep at a standstill. All around her, people’s times disappeared,
extinguished as easily as the flame at the end of a candle.
She felt nauseous. It was probably from the strain of holding on to the Time
Bubble and keeping her Innocence activated. In front of her, Lolek was leaning
over, favoring his left arm. He’d broken his right dodging a flying patio
table. Miranda felt a twinge of guilt at not being able to put him under her
Time Recovery. But she was needed for something else right now.
Looking to her left, she let out a startled gasp. The Time Bubble shuddered a
bit, but she held it in place. Just barely.
“My name’s Charlie,” said the Noah to her side. “I’m here to help.” He had
brown hair with tints of ginger that reminded her of Darcy. His eyes were a
clear blue, but they had nothing on Lolek’s distinct hue. Dimly, Miranda
supposed he was attractive, but holding all the time was keeping her from
really noticing anything about him. He was about her age, though. Probably
younger. Like Lolek.
“How much do you want to keep this bubble up?” Charlie asked her, leaning down
and hovering a hand over her shoulder.
Miranda just nodded and let out a whining groan. She couldn’t do anything more.
It was too hard to concentrate on speaking. Charlie’s words were already
getting dim. He placed his hand on her shoulder, and suddenly everything was
stable.
“You have passion, so I can help. But if you pushed yourself any harder, you
would have hurt it,” he said, as if he was making sense. She supposed it made
sense to him. She, however, was lost.
“It?” She gasped out. Charlie just smiled and shook his head.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said. He gripped her shoulder a little. Warmth was
emanating from that spot, coursing through Miranda’s body like a current, and
the bubble had become much lighter, a brilliant gold mingling with the emerald
green. Perhaps she could hold it through the course of the battle after all.
She only wished that people’s times wouldn’t be snuffed out at such a frequent
pace.
---
11:58 PM
They’d been fighting for a while. The Akuma just kept coming. Around two hours
ago, Amanda had seen a winged figure in the sky near the portal, but whatever
that person was trying to do, it was failing.
She was getting tired. She had found Tamas about an hour after she had left
Cyrah, though he’d disappeared again. The man fought like a maniac, slashing
his machete about as if he was trying to escape an insane asylum. She had never
seen anyone fight like that, in a trance-like anger that destroyed all around
it. It didn’t matter if they were friend or foe—if they were in the machete’s
range, they’d be gone.
Amanda found herself impressed that they were all doing so well against such
high-leveled Akuma. It must have been that they’d trained their synch rates up
so much. Hevlaska had tested them all before the battle. Amanda was at a solid
99 percent. Darcy was behind her with an impressive 95. Even Lolek, a shadow of
a man without his sister, was at nearly 80.
She tore into the nearest Akuma, a Level Three. It exploded a moment later, and
she couldn’t help but feel somewhat victorious, despite her fatigue. It was
replaced a moment later with another one. It looked stronger than the others.
But that was just her mind playing tricks on her, because in the blink of an
eye, it was nothing more than fire and oil.
A loud, screeching grunt sounded near to her, and when she looked over, Tamas
was there, hacking his weapon in every direction. He was focused on his vicious
battle with a Level Five. Amanda couldn’t help but watch for a second. She had
never actually seen Tamas fight—she’d only heard stories.
The man was truly a Berserker. If she was honest with herself, it scared her a
little. Tamas plunged his machete deep into the Level Five, only to pull back
and repeat the action. The gray blade sliced the air and sunk into the Akuma’s
humanlike flesh with a sickening squelch. Black, oily blood seeped from each
wound Tamas inflicted. The Akuma itself tried to strike the Hungarian man, but
his eyes narrowed in intense anger and concentration. He nearly flew backward
as he evaded the attack. His foot slipped as he landed, but he kept his balance
and lunged forward again, his Innocence shining a bright, pure green.
Shaking her head, Amanda returned to the battle around her, riding her
adrenaline high. Her discus flew out and exploded three nearby Level Ones. It
ran through a Level Two, destroying it as well. By the time it was back in her
hand, the slight challenge of a Level Three had appeared in front of her. She
tossed her Innocence at it, but it seemed to be more nimble than its
predecessors.
“Boomerang!” Amanda shouted, tossing her Innocence out again. She missed the
Akuma on purpose and waited for it to return, hoping her enemy wouldn’t attack
her while her Innocence flung back at her.
Tamas stepped in between them, still fighting. Amanda screamed out as she saw
the Level Three’s attack fly out of its mouth. It hit Tamas’s entire right
side. At first, it seemed like nothing had happened. Then steam began to rise
from the berserk Exorcist’s clothing.
“Tamas!” Amanda shouted, forgetting to concentrate on her Innocence, which
recalled itself to her hand and deactivated there. The man continued to hack
and chop at the Level Five, despite his burning flesh. The Akuma fell, and
Tamas followed.
“Amanda! Watch out!”
She would recognize that voice anywhere, and she immediately followed its
instructions. She threw herself to the ground, not caring if she landed on top
of a dead body of a soldier—one who hadn’t been hit with a bullet. A thin
string of the Akuma’s acidic spit flew over her head, and she rolled away from
it, not wanting to risk getting hit at all. Activating her Innocence again, she
made to throw the discus. Darcy was in front of her, though.
“Darce! Left!” She screamed. With a flick of her wrist, her Innocence sailed
out over the battlefield and toward the Akuma. The fight began in earnest, with
both her and her boyfriend dodging attacks and sending some of their own back.
Amanda felt herself soaring as she was hit with a solid punch from her enemy.
She hit the ground, coughing up a small amount of blood. Her ribs hurt, though
they didn’t feel broken. Sitting up, she made to stand, but another strand of
acid shot at her.
She stared in horror as Darcy jumped in front of it. The second it hit, he
threw his Exorcist jacket off, as well as his pants. It didn’t matter, though.
Amanda wondered why her face burned. She wondered why there was such a stench
in the air. Like rotting flesh.
Suddenly, she was in the air, moving very fast and then falling. Water engulfed
her, and the burning died away, though the pain remained. There was ginger all
around her, holding her tightly to a warm, bare chest. Waterlogged though her
eyes were, she looked up to see the face of the man she loved. Everything was
dank and dreary in the water. It registered dimly in the back of her head that
she might be in the Thames. The very polluted Thames.
Immediately, she shut her eyes.
---
1:00 AM
Their plan had gone irreversibly awry. He and Lenalee had spent the last five
hours trying to get to the Eye, where they had planned to be at the beginning.
That had failed. There had been so many people, too many people, and Allen and
Lenalee had herded them all to the farthest point from the Eye. The only
problem was getting back to their earlier position.
Opening a gate in the Ark was impossible. Sebastian was gone. Allen had felt
Mana’s brother being literally torn out of his mind, ripped away as if the man
had never been there at all. He searched his hallway of doors, but the Noah
simply wasn’t there. His door was demolished, as if Sebastian had taken root
and his exodus from Allen’s head had destroyed part of the white-haired boy’s
mind. From the way the left side of his head ached, he assumed that hypothesis
to be correct.
Together, the two of them tore through another Level Five. The longer they’d
battled, the less high levels they’d seen, but Allen was still wary. He could
somehow feel that Sarah was alive, somewhere in the air. She was determined to
do something. Allen didn’t know what, though. He wanted to communicate through
the bonds he and Lenalee had recently become aware of—now placed behind a Noah
door in his mind—but there was a buzzing noise whenever he tried to access
them. He guessed that the Earl was interfering.
The Eye loomed above them, the Earl at its very peak. The Level Six was still
absorbing Akuma, though the flow had slowed down. Lulubell was next to it,
batting away what few Akuma she could. She was powerful, not to mention a Noah,
but there was such a sheer, overwhelming number of the metal creatures that she
couldn’t keep up. The Earl just laughed from atop his perch, and Allen glared
up at his enemy. Right now, though, the Earl could wait. They needed to find
Faith.
He reached for her door in his mind, opening it with ease, and looked inside. A
single, very strong bond was inside, but it was coated in something shining and
white. Cringing, Allen tried to pull it off, but it wouldn’t budge. This was
the interference. It hurt his ears and mind and head all at once and made him
want to scream with the all-encompassing pain. His eye ached from seeing so
many Akuma, and it bled from the horrific sight of the Level Fives. He was
wearied, his body riddled with a pain it could not withstand.
He activated his mind-self’s Innocence and clawed at the white resistance. It
shattered immediately under the tip of his black claw. With his right hand, he
held the bond and called out to Faith.
Allen? Where are you? Faith asked. Her voice was strong and clear in his head.
Glancing at Lenalee as she faced off with a nearby Level Four, he smiled.
At the foot of the Eye. Where are you? He responded.
I’m in one of the carriages. Please find me. We need to confront the Earl—you,
Lenalee, me, and Road, all of us together.
Allen nodded, though he knew the girl couldn’t see it. He joined in with
Lenalee’s fight, throwing his sword until it splattered through its target. It
was messy and an unnecessary way to kill an Akuma, but they needed to hurry,
and all that really mattered was that the soul was saved.
Many people didn’t understand his point of view, but Akuma were precious to
him. He loved them, just as he loved humans.
Grabbing Lenalee’s hand, he pulled her up to the very base of the Eye.
“Clown Belt!” He yelled, and the strands of his Innocence shot forth, attaching
around one of the carriages halfway up. He beckoned Lenalee forward; she came
into his arms willingly. Holding tightly onto her waist, he let them rocket up
as he retracted the Innocence back around his wrist.
It wasn’t Faith’s carriage, but the bond behind Faith’s door twitched, as if
they were getting closer. Allen repeated the process until a voice shouted out
in his head.
I’m in here! Don’t move!
Nodding grimly, Allen reluctantly pulled away from Lenalee and waited for the
carriage door to open. They both flipped into it from the roof. In the middle,
there was a plastic block, obviously meant to act as a bench. Faith was sitting
on it, curled up in Road’s arms. Road looked up at them.
“What took you so long?” She asked, smiling despite the accusation in her tone.
“The civilians,” Allen replied shortly. Lenalee went from his side to hug both
Faith and her companion.
“This is the first time we’ve met in person, Allen Walker, Lenalee Lee,” Faith
observed, squeezing Lenalee until she started choking from lack of air. “I have
a request for you two.”
“Anything, Faith,” Lenalee said in a strangled voice, pulling back and
breathing in deeply. She coughed lightly, and the holy girl apologized softly.
“Sarah is fighting the Earl, trying to close the portal. It’s an entirely
mental battle, though, so they are both occupied. Will you help Lulu? She’s
having trouble keeping the Akuma from entering the Six.”
They nodded in unison, wearing identical expressions that were half
determination, half concern. Stepping out of the carriage, Lenalee activated
her boots further so that she could walk comfortably on air. She grabbed his
hand, pulling him along with her. He didn’t feel solid air beneath him, but
gravity didn’t have a hold on him either.
Lulubell was in her human form, sporting her usual blonde hair and sunglasses.
The light brush of stigmata that was so much like theirs was covered in sweat
as she batted away as many Akuma as she could.
Being so close to the Six made Allen uneasy. He could feel the uncontrolled
evil and the overwhelming sadness inside of it. It was overpowering, and it was
hard to concentrate on destroying the numerous Akuma that were funneling into
it. He felt his left eye leaking more blood but ignored it as he drew his blade
from his left arm.
“Cross Grave!” He cried. Crosses formed over several of the lower-leveled
beings, and they exploded. Lenalee stamped by, jumping from Akuma to Akuma,
annihilating them with just the touch of her heel.
They just kept coming, no matter how many were destroyed. Thankfully, most of
them weren’t making it into the Akuma. They fought for hours, using energy
they’d wanted to save for their battle against the Earl. Abruptly, a bright,
blue light sliced through the sky, explosions in its wake. Another followed,
and a third hit the portal that was still spewing their metal enemies. It
imploded, the stream of Akuma drying up as the source was dammed.
Allen looked around. More sharp light pierced the battlefield, carving out
great swaths in the illuminated dome. The blue was the exact shade of Mugen’s
activation. Allen had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Catching
Lenalee’s gaze, he voiced his worry. “I think something may have happened to
Lavi.”
Lenalee could only nod, her eyes fearful.
---
3:26 AM
Tyki kind of felt bad that he had tried to kill the Japanese man before. He
really was a very good fighter.
“May I join in the fun?” He asked as he fell into step behind the two
Exorcists. He called his Tease from inside his body, preparing a strike. The
two Exorcists turned abruptly, and Tyki shot a swarm of Tease at the incoming
attacker from which he had drawn their attention. The Japanese man stared at
him angrily, making a tiny, derisive noise, but he went back to his fight.
Tossing another few Tease at the looming Level Five, Tyki joined in.
They fought for hours, the never ending stream of Akuma descending on them as
they had at the beginning of the battle.
Skin joined them an hour or two after Tyki had arrived. They were a destructive
group. The fast healing powers of the Noahs helped them as they were tossed
back. Tyki was especially grateful for his own personal ability. He was very
nearly untouchable, and though he couldn’t do much damage up close—the high
levels moved too fast—his Tease ate through anything remotely edible. It was a
pity they didn’t have much of a taste for Akuma flesh and blood, but they
gnawed at it anyway, weakening the machines until they could be destroyed with
Innocence.
He wanted to make them self-destruct, but he no longer had that power. They
wouldn’t listen to a Noah that was uncorrupted. He’d felt Strength’s death from
inside of Faith. He’d felt Chaz return to a subliminal state where he could be
purified.
The way the Exorcists fought disturbed him, though. Lavi, in particular, kept
looking back at Kanda. The look in his one visible eye was one that Tyki faked
frequently. But the Portuguese Noah knew that look was not fake for them. Love,
lust, pleasure passion, it was all related. Sarah, Lulu, and Charlie would
agree with that as well. Of course, without his dark side, pleasure had a
completely different meaning. The redhead was fighting a Level Four, and as the
Akuma exploded, he turned left.
Tyki tried to shout out. Lavi had a blind side—he hadn’t seen the Level Three
approaching from his right. With a sickening, ripping squelch, claw met flesh
and bone. Lavi screamed as his momentum was thrown the other way. His eye met
the dark-haired Exorcist’s as he fell, his intestines spilling onto the dusty,
oily ground a moment before he landed. Tyki sent one of his larger Tease at the
Level Three and felt disgusted when he saw what looked like half of a ribcage
stuck like a shish kabob to the Akuma’s claw.
It took only a moment for Kanda to be at his lover’s side. Making a quick
decision, Tyki returned to the battle. He would protect the ones he had once
tried to kill.
“Lavi.” He tried to ignore the hoarse whisper from the Japanese man. There was
a gurgle in response, one of a man choking on blood.
“…It hurts,” came the response. Tyki didn’t want to hear this. He shot his arm
through the nearest Akuma—a Level Two—and ripped it apart much like the Level
Three had done to Lavi.
“Use the water seal. It heals, right?” Kanda’s voice was desperate, almost
pleading. It hurt Tyki to hear.
But he had to turn around, because there was an Akuma over there. His heart
broke as the Japanese man picked up the redhead’s Innocence and curled his hand
around it. Lavi whispered out the invocation, and a small string of water leapt
from the tip of the hammer onto his stomach.
“Lavi, that’s not enough.”
“Too—tired…” Lavi muttered. Tyki tore apart another Akuma from the inside and
looked back at the Exorcists, unable to keep his eyes away. Kanda was
tentatively packing Lavi’s intestines close to the redhead’s body with shaking
hands. The image made Tyki’s stomach roil.
Above him, he heard Skin roar out a warning. Tyki made his body incorporeal as
his bulky brother passed through him, landing with shattering force on the
ground. Beneath his feet, an Akuma was being scrunched. It gave out a dying
cough and exploded.
“Skin,” Tyki said, struck with inspiration. He reached out as his brother made
to move away. Skin turned around, shooting him a questioning look. “Can you
give strength to that one?” He pointed to Lavi, whose water seal was already
falling apart.
Skin grunted and walked over as Tyki slammed his fist inside an Akuma, planting
several of his Tease inside it. They ate it quickly, dissolving it to nothing.
The noise of metal grating metal did not cover Lavi’s scream as Skin forced
lightning into the redhead’s system. It was painful, but if infused correctly,
the lightning could strengthen the redhead enough to heal properly. Skin was
like a battery, providing energy. It was how he himself ran.
Turning once more to the battle, Tyki was thrown back by a surprise attack from
a Level Four. He grimaced in pain, but it was gone a moment later. There were
times when he loved being a Noah. Actually, there wasn’t a time when he didn’t.
A bright, purple light streaked forth, and Tyki deflected it with a hastily-
created Tease shield. The golem cracked under the pressure and fell to the
ground, broken. The Tease that were still inside him were few in number, but he
could let them grow again. They could eat at his own organs should they need
fuel. It hurt, but he’d heal, and they could multiply. A symbiotic
relationship, he thought, his grimace turning to an amused grin.
Moments later, the Level Four was destroyed and he was turning back to the two
Exorcists. Skin was stepping back; the redhead lifted his hammer, and a strong
stream of water flowed down onto his stomach. It pushed organs back into place,
and spat oil and metal out from the gaping wound. Relief crossed Lavi’s face,
and he subsequently passed out.
Kanda sat up, grief written clearly on his face. He pulled his Innocence from
his hip, activating it as he stepped forward. He came up next to Tyki, a grim
look covering his features.
“Gogen,” he hissed. Tyki didn’t know what it meant, but the Innocence shone a
livid blue and formed a double-sided spear. Kanda stared at it, and a smirk
lifted the corners of his lips.
“Rokugen!” He yelled, his voice gruff and almost broken with something that
could only be described as a gut-wrenching anguish and resignation. The staff
broke down into a two-bladed form Tyki had seen before. Lurid lines of blue
twined themselves tightly around Kanda’s arms in close-knit coils, connecting
the two blades.
The man looked down almost incredulously at his Innocence. “Hontoni?” He asked
it. He slashed the air in front of him, and Tyki ducked as a scythe-shaped wave
of energy rippled through the air, destroying all enemies in its path. Tyki
smelled something akin to burning hair and patted out his smoldering curls.
Somehow, a caring Kanda was far scarier than the original version.
The dark-haired man laughed. It was humorless, almost bitter, and unerringly
sad. He turned to the cloud of Akuma above and crossed his blades, swiping them
downward. Great, thundering currents of Innocence shot out, cutting through the
sky and clearing it for a moment. Kanda frowned and turned to the portal. He
aimed a shot there, and his target imploded in on itself. Tyki watched,
astonished, as the man let out three more swiping strokes before the Innocence
in his hands dissolved and returned to his left hip.
Kanda cried out and stumbled backward, clutching his chest as if in acute pain.
A bullet came from nowhere, lodging itself deep into Kanda’s upper chest, the
opposite side of the one he was holding. His mouth opened as if in shock, and
he stumbled backward, ripping the Akuma bullet—too thin and uniformly shaped to
be from anything but a Level One—away. He tossed it to the ground. Tyki made
himself incorporeal again, fearing attack, as he watched the man trip backwards
over Lavi’s fallen and bleeding body.
Kanda’s head landed with a sharp, nauseating crack. His eyes went wide for a
second. Tyki walked forward to look over the dark-haired man.
His pupils were dilated.
Outside of the Time Bubble, the first streak of light poured out from the
horizon.
***** Innocent Rain *****
Chapter_32—Innocent_Rain
February 15, 2014, 6:45 AM—London, England
She needed the eye. Something fell into her, and it doubled, filling the two
round spaces in her skull. Skin. She needed that next. It, too, fell into
place. It stretched all across her skeleton, clothing her. Her veins were dry,
but something flowed into them in the next moment, and she wanted to sigh in
the great relief it brought her. But there was no breath. There couldn’t be,
not when she had no heart to move the blood from its stasis. Her skin parted to
allow it entrance into her still-barren ribcage. Budding lungs and diaphragm
and liver and kidneys and stomach made her system begin to move. Her skin
closed itself. She couldn’t move anything yet, though. She was too weak. She
needed more energy. She needed more sadness. What she needed, she concluded,
was sorrow.
---
6:49 AM
A great shudder hit the Eye. Allen paused in his fight to meet Lenalee’s purple
eyes. She blinked, and the decision was made. The Earl was nearly done with the
Level Six. The white-haired Exorcist rammed his sword forward, cutting straight
through the Level Three. They’d defeated most of the higher levels now.
Running across the courtyard, past shops and abandoned vending carts, past
bodies and blood, they reached the base of the Eye again. A scream pierced the
Innocence-lit battlefield. It resounded throughout the entire dome, echoing off
the sides and hitting their ears repeatedly with shattering force.
Immediately, Lenalee grabbed him around his waist and jumped, obviously
recognizing the voice as well. They soared through the air and stopped as
Lenalee landed them lightly on the solid air beneath her feet. Allen’s blood
stopped cold in his veins. There was a very fat figure inside the carriage, and
it was wearing a very tall top hat. The Earl was in there with Faith.
All reason left him, and he squirmed from Lenalee’s grip, throwing a Clown Belt
to open the door and reeling himself in.
“Get off of her!”
It wasn’t Allen who had shouted. It was Sarah. She and Road were in a corner of
the carriage, huddling against each other as the Earl slid his hands around
Faith’s throat. The image was so wrong, so hideous, that Allen reacted without
thinking. He planted his right hand firmly on his left, drawing out the sword
that was the inverse of the Millennium Earl’s. Yelling, he lunged forward to
the fat man’s profiled form.
The Millennium Earl’s perpetual smile widened, if such a thing was physically
possible.
“Allen Walker !” He called, tightening his grip. Faith spluttered a bit,
sending Allen a pleading look. Kill him, please, she asked of her Heart in
their conjoined heads. He felt Lenalee behind him, her Innocence radiating as
bright and gold as his own. She glared death at the Earl, placing her hand on
Allen’s left shoulder in silent support.
“If you kill her,” Lenalee whispered, “you kill yourself. Release her and fight
us.” Her voice was almost dark with cold, like a long-forgotten December night.
The Earl threw his umbrella golem through the window, tossing Faith afterward.
Road opened a small door, and Sarah dove out. A moment later, they saw
Sarah—winged with pure, white feathers—holding Faith close to her chest.
Allen released a breath he had not known he was holding. Behind him, he felt
Lenalee do the same. The Earl’s sword appeared in his hand, and he rocked
forward. Allen tried to block, but the power was so immense that he fell
backward, taking Lenalee with him out of the carriage. The parody of a clown
jumped after them, diving down with sword bared. Allen threw out a Clown Belt
to secure himself and tried to parry the Earl’s attack when it came.
He barely blocked. The Earl came at him again and again, and even as he jerked
to a halt, hanging from his Clown Belt, he couldn’t do more than swing away to
dodge. He was held up by his good arm, the one holding the sword, and he
couldn’t swing it back or move it in any way toward his enemy.
Lenalee shot up from above, attempting to kick the fat clown, but his sword
swung around to graze her Innocence. A deep fissure ran horizontally across one
of her boots. She glared up at the Earl and advanced again, looking for an
angle of attack that could possibly succeed. As she shot forward to attempt
another kick, though, she landed on the Earl’s broadsword. She jumped backward,
looking frustrated.
The Earl turned back to Allen. He gulped and let his Clown Belt unravel from
the main structure of the Eye. His enemy plummeted after him. Allen felt his
wrist wrench as the Earl smacked away at his weapon.
There was a scream, and despite being locked in battle, Allen looked over. An
exploding grenade of Innocence hit the Earl in the back, doing almost no
damage. Allen saw Elliot Manson, the little thirteen-year-old Exorcist with an
oversized bazooka. The Earl seemed to contemplate going after the little
bugger—Allen disliked him for singeing his hair with his lighter. Fucking pyro.
Aw, shit, I’m starting to sound like Kanda. A large shiver went up his spine,
and in his distraction, the Earl rent him through with his sword, the inverse
of Allen’s own.
Allen’s eyes widened in pain, taking in many details at once. The manic gleam
in the Earl’s Noah-gold eyes. The exact sky blue shade of the flowers ringing
the Earl’s hat. The glint of early morning light against the Noah of Revenge’s
glasses. The pain as the sword severed everything inside his body. The
Innocence-green and Noah gold light of the crux of the dome. It pleased Allen
to know Charlie had made it to Miranda.
He fell, sliding off the downward-angled blade. He fell and fell and fell. Arms
caught him. Slim arms. They were Lenalee’s. He loved Lenalee.
Somewhere in the distance, Faith screamed.
---
7:03 AM
Something heavy landed on him, rousing him from his pain-induced
unconsciousness. Everything hurt, especially his stomach, so much that he was
nearly numb. He felt something seeping with concerning speed from his body, but
he didn’t know what it was.
There were feet on his bleeding stomach. They were very familiar feet. He loved
those feet. That didn’t mean he had a foot fetish, though. Wait. Why were those
feet there? They shouldn’t have been there. They should have been pounding away
at the stone of the courtyard as their owner fought the Akuma. He yanked on the
foot, finding strength from deep within him.
“Yuu?” He croaked out. Lavi heard sounds above him and flashed his eye upward.
Tyki Mikk was standing there, looking almost… concerned. He took the form that
was crushing Lavi and placed it so that the head was on Lavi’s leg.
“I need to keep fighting,” Tyki said softly, barely loud enough to be heard
over the sounds of fighting that encompassed them. Lavi couldn’t sit up and
stared pleadingly up at the Noah. He sighed and helped Lavi into a sitting
position. It hurt. But Lavi needed to see Yuu’s face.
He couldn’t lean down to kiss Yuu’s forehead as he wanted to, but he could
place a shaking hand in the man’s hair and smooth it back from his eyes. He
glanced down the man’s body. The Exorcist jacket was torn and nearly gone. He
could see the Lotus Spell as it stretched farther down his lover’s body,
blackening skin and scars and everything Lavi loved.
“Yuu…” he repeated. He was bleeding on Yuu’s head, but there was more blood
somewhere else. He felt it on his leg. Prodding at Yuu’s skull, Lavi felt a
wave of hollowness wash through him. The man’s eyes fluttered and opened. The
Japanese man gazed blearily up at him, his deep charcoal eyes showing
confusion.
“La…vi…” Yuu mumbled, barely moving his lips. On his chest, the Lotus Spell ate
away at soft, light golden skin.
“Don’t die,” Lavi pleaded, his voice straining against the tears that wanted to
fall from his eyes. Even the injured one was tearing up.
“Knew… it would happen,” the dark-haired man said, his voice broken, shaking,
and almost sighing the words out.
“No, Yuu… what about Japan? We were gonna go to Japan, right?” Lavi asked, his
voice becoming almost incoherent as the first of the tears fell onto Yuu’s
face. He wished they would stop the Spell from killing his lover, his sun, his
Yuu.
“Wanted to… tell her…” Yuu muttered. A huge, hacking cough ran through him, and
blood flung itself from his mouth. His body writhed as more blood forced its
way onto the ground. The Lotus Mark was nearly encircling the Japanese man’s
body.
“Tell her what, Yuu?” Lavi asked, his voice every bit as desperate as he felt.
Yuu couldn’t die. It couldn’t happen. Lavi couldn’t live if Yuu didn’t. It was
an impossibility. Just like physics. It said things were impossible. Lavi plus
Yuu equaled the world. Lavi minus Yuu equaled nothing. It equaled zero.
“That I… found… you,” Yuu replied. He coughed, bringing up more blood, but he
continued. “That I… found… the person…”
The Lotus Spell stopped spreading its death. It melted back, the marks flowing
up Yuu’s bare arm, up his neck, up his face. Lavi felt a jolt of something
painful and clenched his hand in Yuu’s hair. It was like being poked and
invaded. A tiny black line ran up his arm. It inched across the redhead’s
chest, and his left breast burned as something weaved its way through his skin,
eating at him like it had at Yuu.
Yuu gasped and sighed in relief, his eyes closing. He was still breathing.
Actually, he seemed to be breathing easier. Lavi wasn’t. He felt weak again. He
didn’t know how much blood he’d lost. With his left hand, he reached around for
his Innocence. He tried to let go of Yuu, but the black thread between them
wouldn’t allow a break in contact. Lavi was feeling dizzy now. He knew his
Innocence had deactivated while he had been unconscious. That meant his water
seal was gone. Yuu was obviously being healed, but there was blood spurting
from his stomach now, hitting the long-haired man’s slack face.
Everything was swirling. His left hand found his Innocence.
But then the Innocence was gone. It dissolved in his hand, floating up into the
sky, almost as if it had been destroyed. But the Noahs didn’t destroy Innocence
anymore. They were pure. Yuu’s Innocence shot from his hip, green and particle-
like, just like Lavi’s own. He followed it with his eyes. All around the dome,
the Innocence was coming together.
There was something white and something black. The Innocence was headed there.
---
7: 03 AM
The swarm of Akuma was receding. Amanda had long since dried from her quick
tour of the Thames, and although she couldn’t see out of her right eye, she
continued to fight, making her way slowly toward the Eye. She had felt the
shudder that had reverberated through the battlefield, and it could only mean
one thing, the Level Six was ready. The fury still seethed through her. The
Level Six had Artemis’s face. Since she couldn’t kill Strength, she would kill
this monster for daring to take on her best friend’s visage.
Finally reaching the base, she saw a Noah with blonde hair fighting off Akuma.
Many got past her—it simply wasn’t possible to keep them all at bay. Amanda
didn’t care, though. The Level Six was going down. She launched her Innocence
outward, trying to hit it straight on. It glanced off, and Amanda had to recall
it to her. She tossed it again, but the result was the same. For being made of
flesh, it was exceedingly difficult to penetrate.
Or perhaps that was the reason. It was human. It was part Akuma, yes, but
unlike the dwindling members of Crow—long since banned from fighting on the
field due to stability issues—it began as an Akuma. Amanda didn’t much like the
idea of climbing the Eye, but since Allen and Lenalee were otherwise occupied
with getting to the Earl, she couldn’t ask for their help.
The blonde Noah landed beside her. “Are you going to stand there, or are you
going to help?” She asked breathlessly, her voice somewhat disdainful.
“If you can get me up there, I think I know how to get rid of the Six,” the
American girl said. Immediately, the blonde Noah picked her up. They flew
up—how Amanda didn’t know, as her eyes were closed due to a well-justified fear
of heights—and the blonde Noah held her as she leaned over to the Six.
She couldn’t tear it apart with her discus. It didn’t go through human flesh.
She couldn’t bear to strangle it, and she wasn’t sure that would work. She
couldn’t break its metal skeleton. But whatever she was going to do, it needed
to be done fast.
Disgusted at her conclusion, Amanda plunged her hand through the thin layer of
flesh. Tiny organs were growing to full size. Blood oozed out and covered her
hand. It was human blood. It was Artemis’s blood. Anger coursed through her,
and she ripped the Akuma’s heart out. There was no reason for it, and it didn’t
do anything visible besides stop the flow of blood, but it felt good. It felt
satisfying. Grasping her Innocence in her bloodied right hand, Amanda sliced
through the metal of the Akuma’s skeleton.
It split apart, Artemis’s preserved eye falling from the socket, the flesh
melting and dripping down in little strips and clumps. The blood rained onto
the ground, soaking the stones. Then the skeletal framework exploded. Amanda
recoiled back into the blonde Noah’s grip.
The Noah brought her back to the ground, where they continued to fight the
Akuma. For the first time since Artemis’s death, Amanda felt sated. She felt
like she could be okay again.
---
7:03 AM
“Earl, NO!” That’s what Faith was shouting. But everything was split apart and
hurt as if it had been separated, severed. He looked up at Lenalee’s swimming
face. He didn’t like the worried, sorrowful expression. It reminded him of what
he didn’t want. Lenalee wasn’t supposed to be devastated if he died. He wasn’t
supposed to let that happen.
He thought back to the time he’d spent in her mind. He’d had a whole wall. He’d
been happy at the time. That had been a mistake. Of course she would be
devastated. He should have given love a chance after all. He should have
listened to that crazy old bartender. He should have listened to everyone who
had told him to get his act together.
He remembered the kisses they had shared. Yes, Lenalee was going to be
shattered no matter how hard he tried to push against that reality.
“Earl, you CAN’T kill them! You’re killing me! You’re killing us! It’s not
right. You have to stop. Just… forgive them already! It wasn’t their fault,
they didn’t know any better, they—” Faith cut off, laughing. “We need to
forgive them! I forgive them! I forgive them! Sarah’s here, its okay! FORGIVE
THEM, EARL! You don’t need to do this!”
But Allen didn’t have the capacity to care about what was going on in the
battle around him. He just wanted to look up at Lenalee, to see her face before
he disappeared from the Earth and ceased to move forward.
He wanted to make her smile before he died.
“Lenalee,” he began, but they were jostled as they stopped moving, and Allen
let out a hiss of pain. His torso hurt—throbbed, really. Of course it is, he
thought bitterly. I’m dying, after all.
“What is it, Allen?” Lenalee asked, her voice infused with something thick and
emotional, something Allen couldn’t understand with all the blood loss.
“I wanted to tell you so long ago, but I couldn’t. I’m so sorry—I should have.”
His voice was weak. He didn’t have long.
“Allen, what are you saying?” Her voice quavered.
“I love you,” he said simply, looking deeply into her eyes while he still had
breath in his lungs. A tear leaked out from one of her beautiful purple eyes.
She nodded, but the smile didn’t come to her face.
“I… Allen…” There was a frown there instead, and more tears followed the first.
Why was she crying? She wasn’t supposed to cry. “Don’t die, Allen,” she
pleaded. “I love you, too.”
“Will you—” Smile, Allen wanted to say, but Lenalee grabbed his right hand and
leaned down, pressing her lips to his. Tears mingled and fell between them.
Allen felt something tingle and fall away. The weight of his left arm
disappeared. He felt something travel across his chest and down his right arm.
Lenalee gasped and pulled back. All around them, green particles—tiny little
diamonds of Innocence—flowed toward them. The hole in Allen’s stomach prickled,
and the pain melted away. It was as if the Innocence didn’t want him to be
hurt. It was as if the Innocence didn’t want him to die.
For a fraction of a second, he understood why he was part of the Heart. The
phrase Innocent love came to him. But it was only for that minuscule fraction.
It was weird. There was a bazooka and a machete, a machine gun and a whip,
hands and gauntlets and wings and all sorts of body parts that made his head
fuzzy and confused. All sorts of Innocence, destroyed or not, came to him. He
felt teeth, though Krory had been dead for so long. There was a bracelet and
acupuncture needles and little, razor-sharp wires. Graves and guns and crosses.
Monkeys. A koala, too. A discus flew into him, followed by a bow and arrow and
a very sharp cutlass. A hammer hit him, followed by the biting, sarcastic blade
of a chokuto. A chainsaw, a spear, nunchucks, prayer beads, a flaming sword,
and a guitar. A dangpa and a Tai Chi sword. The last to come was a clock. But
it was only half there, as if it was still needed elsewhere.
Allen looked up at Lenalee’s half-hooded eyes. One small glance into them
showed that she was feeling the same thing. All the Innocence was in them,
uniting as it had once been. Innocence became a whole inside of them. It
hardened in their connected hands, clasping them together in an eternal gesture
of explicit togetherness.
Allen was Lenalee. Lenalee was Allen. They were each other. And they were Noah.
They were Innocence.
As one, they stood up and turned to the Earl, who was floating down with the
aid of his umbrella golem. He looked different, meager almost. He looked washed
out, as if he’d lost weight, as if he’d lost some sort of vitality. Faith had
told her Vengeance to forgive. And when Faith forgave, it made sense that
Vengeance wouldn’t have a purpose anymore.
It wouldn’t have mattered. The energy and strength ran through them both like a
current, almost too strong for them to handle. They were stronger than the
Earl. They always had been.
The Earl raised his blade, which shook as he tried to hold the weight. A
golden-green sword extended from their connected hands, from the sleek, green
diamond of Innocence that linked them together. Simultaneously, they raised
their joined hands. The blade was light, almost buoyant. They danced forward,
flying into the air to meet the Earl as if their legs were Lenalee’s boots.
Their swords clanged together in greeting. The Earl held on, barely blocking.
It was a complete reversal of positions from their battle just a few minutes
prior. They were strong, united. The Earl was weak, undone. He tried to hit
them, and they parried his sword, tossing it into the air. It made a sharp,
resonating sound as it hit the ground. Allen and Lenalee glanced at each other
and smiled.
Allen loved Lenalee’s smile. The Innocence inside of them reverberated.
With a final blow, they cleaved him evenly in two. There was no explosion, not
like after an Akuma was killed. The Earl simply ceased. He folded in on
himself, becoming a tiny, golden crystal that shone brightly as it floated back
up to meet Faith. Allen saw it sink into the heavenly girl’s chest, and she let
out a little gasping sigh. Then she smiled.
“I’m not angry anymore,” she said softly. Allen nodded in understanding. Beside
him, Lenalee did the same. “I’m not sad, either,” Faith added, her blue eyes
shining with happiness.
The Innocence that connected their hands melted away and left their bodies.
Faith smiled at the united diamond as it ascended to the very peak of the
Innocence dome. The Time Bubble fell away, imploding into itself. A whooshing
noise sounded as the Innocence shot out, streaking into the clouds and
spreading across the sky. A mist refracted the oranges, golds, and reds of the
morning sun as it made its daily climb to the zenith of the heavens.
A light rain began to fall. The first drizzling drop hit Allen, and his world
spun as something overtook him.
It was Mana. But it was his Innocence. The Crowned Clown soared out as a cloak
from Mana’s fatherly figure. He looked down at Allen, smiling peacefully.
“I am so proud of you. Never stop moving forward, Allen, remember that,” he
said, patting Allen’s white head. “I know you’ve been confused for a long time
now. I loved you for the memories you carried, Allen, but I loved you even more
for you. You were, in all ways but by blood, my son.”
A great feeling of warmth engulfed Allen, and he hugged the man who had become
his father.
“The Crowned Clown wishes to do something for you. You don’t need that curse
anymore. The Akuma will dissolve as the Innocence touches them. You won’t have
an eye, though. I’m sorry for cutting you. Please forgive me.”
Allen nodded against his chest. He would forgive Mana for everything, even
implanting him with the Fourteenth’s memories. He’d forgiven the man for that
long ago.
“I’m sorry I cursed you, Allen.”
Allen nodded again, and the vision dissolved. His eye was bleeding, but he
could get that treated. He didn’t need two eyes anyway.
---
His brain felt heavy, but the vision came to him anyway. Vikram was there,
holding Tuan’s machine gun.
“Hey, Chu-chan!” Vikram called, waving at him.
“Vikram?” He asked, not understanding.
“Yup. I’m dead, see, and the Innocence was like, ‘hey, wanna go visit Chu-chan
and have him come with you?’ and I was like, ‘sure!’” Vikram explained.
As always, his pants were too fucking low. Tuan reached out and slapped him. He
wasn’t sure how much was for the man’s idiocy and how much was ritual, but he
slapped Vikram nonetheless.
“What about Emiko?” He demanded angrily.
“Sasaki’ll be fine. I’m visiting him next. But first, I came here to get you.”
Tuan shot him a questioning glance. “Am I dead?” He asked, confused.
“You’re going to be brain dead in a few minutes, Chu-chan,” Vikram said,
frowning and looking almost pityingly at him. “Your Innocence didn’t want you
stuck in your own head for the rest of your vegetable life. I can take your
soul with me. It’s really nice up in the clouds. Food all the time. And your
clothes never get dirty.”
Tuan snorted. He took hold of Vikram’s proffered hand and let himself be pulled
up. “Wouldn’t want my clothes to ever be dirty,” he chuckled. His Innocence
made a little clicking noise. It sounded almost like it was agreeing with him,
laughing along with him. He smiled at it fondly. He’d miss having it at his
side.
---
Sasaki was empty but for the nunchucks that were in front of him. He was alone,
but it was as if he was waiting for something. He was there for a while, just
standing and looking around into the blackness.
And then Vikram was there and everything was right with the world. He walked
over and embraced the man he loved, hot tears leaking even though he didn’t
want them to. Vikram pushed him back a little and kissed him. It was a sad
kiss, a good-bye kiss.
“I wish we coulda had more time, Sasa-chan,” Vikram said, shaking his head
sadly. “Do me a favor, ‘kay?”
Sasaki nodded. He’d do anything. Vikram was dead, so this was obviously a last
request.
“Tell my mom I’m sorry. Tell her I love her. Oh, and dress like a guy again.
You’re really hot when you do.”
Sasaki’s mouth fell open. “Come again?” He asked, too shocked to think through
what Vikram had just said. It didn’t compute. Four-oh-four error.
“You heard me. Now don’t go doing anything stupid like killing yourself. I’ll
see you in, like, eighty years. I’m patient—I can wait that long. But you don’t
have to wait. Find yourself a nice guy and settle down. Be happy. I love you.”
Vikram smiled at him, kissed him once more, and trotted off, Sasaki’s nunchucks
slung over his shoulder.
“’Bye,” Sasaki whispered. Vikram raised a hand, waving it in farewell as he
disappeared into the blackness.
---
Justin was pretty sure he was dreaming. After all, Siegfried had died in his
arms the second the Innocence had left him. Also, the pain where his hand had
been had disappeared.
He didn’t like not having a hand. Of course, he liked having his life, so it
was really a moot point. He just wished that Siegfried hadn’t had to bite it
off. Fucking Akuma bullets.
Also, Siegfried was talking. Last time Justin checked, koalas didn’t talk.
“…To cauterize your hand properly. I mean, it’s my fault you lost it in the
first place, and I don’t trust those stupid doctors to do it right. They don’t
know shit. Anyway, Justin, have a good life, ‘cause I ain’t gonna be there.”
Siegfried walked out haughtily and lazily, his steps deliberate and nearly
cocky.
---
Hok’ee couldn’t feel anything. He had hit his neck on something, had felt it
break. Even in the vision before him, he couldn’t feel farther down than his
head.
“Well, all the Innocence is giving something to its accommodator, but I’ve got
nothing for you. So what do you want me to do?” His spear said, rocking back
and forth.
“It’d be great if I wasn’t a quadriplegic,” Hok’ee muttered, not sure if he was
being sarcastic or not.
“I love your sense of humor.” His spear wagged as if hedging around a topic.
“But… um… yeah. You got some serious damage. I think I can get rid of some of
it. You’ll probably be paralyzed from the waist down, though.”
Hok’ee considered it. Better than nothing. “As long as I can move something,”
he said. His spear poked him, and feeling returned to his arms, chest, and
stomach. It didn’t return to his legs, but he figured he could live with it.
Wheelchairs weren’t that horrible. There were a lot of people worse off than
him.
Besides, he’d get one of those ridiculous cars with the hand controls. He’d
always wanted to drive one. Ash would enjoy it. The crazy man would probably
steal it.
---
Michel waved good-bye to his chainsaw.
“I’m glad you weren’t a fork,” he said. His words were heartfelt. The chainsaw
made a roaring noise that sounded almost like laughter.
“I’m giving you a better sense of humor,” it said, its voice raspy but
familiar.
“No! I like my sense of humor!” Michel felt his heart beat in fear.
“Then I’m giving you badass tattoo, man!”
Then it disappeared. Looking down at his bicep, he saw a tiny, green chainsaw.
It was surrounded by black flames.
Michel smiled. It was kinda badass. “Groovy,” he said.
---
Life was kinda unfair. It made Akuma shoot his calf. It made him have to shoot
the entire limb off just to keep himself alive. And now his Innocence was going
away. And all it was giving Elliot was a reversal of trauma, whatever the hell
that meant. He wanted something cool. Or useful. Like meatloaf. Or a new leg.
---
Lolle was there. Her crystalline blue eyes shone brightly with an unnamed
emotion, and her blonde hair hung down her back, shining just as her eyes did.
She was wearing a simple pair of khakis and a green shirt. She reached out a
gauntleted arm to him. Lolek took her hand, and though his Innocence left his
arm, it was good to see her again, touch her again.
“I’ve missed you,” he said, a pained tone to his voice.
“Me too,” she admitted. “But you’ve got a cute little woman now, so get over
yourself.”
The Polish man nodded, unable to deny his sister’s request. He supposed he had
a bit of a sister complex, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care.
“I’m giving you the ability to move on. No offense, Lolek, but you kind of need
it.” She grimaced, but Lolek laughed.
“I know I do,” he agreed. Lolle laughed too, her voice like bells and chimes in
the wind. But maybe Lolek was a little biased. He hadn’t heard it in so long,
after all.
“Hey, go visit Mutti and Vati sometimes. And take Miranda with you. You guys
are really cute together. And—oh, never mind, you’ll figure it out soon enough,
I’m sure.”
She smiled at him and removed her hand from his, patting her twin lightly on
the forearm before moving off. “We’ll see each other in a long while. We’ll
talk then, okay?”
Lolek nodded. For the first time, he could look back on his memories of his
sister with fondness.
---
Miranda had always liked that grandfather clock. It was so much like
her—neglected, loved by few, but still ticking on. It had been the first thing
she’d felt a real affinity to. It had helped her to gain confidence in herself
and in others. She had been able to fight strongly and be useful for the first
time in her life.
The clock ticked forward. It felt like it was ticking on without her now.
Perhaps, though, that was for the best. Innocence could only last so long.
It wasn’t tired of her, though, nor was she tired of it. They stood there in
silent understanding.
“You want to give me confidence,” she said. The clock ticked on. “You already
have. I’m sorry we couldn’t have longer together.”
The clock continued to tick, and Miranda hugged it. She felt a warm, ghostlike
touch on her upper back, over her shoulders. It felt like her clock was hugging
her back.
“Thank you,” she said, smiling peacefully.
---
Tamas waved good-bye to his machete. He’d miss it. He’d have to buy another
one. He figured that lessening his burns was a good enough parting gift. He was
pretty sure his face had dissolved away completely from the acid, so perhaps it
was good that his Innocence had sought to fix that. He liked his face, after
all. Tamas smiled to himself, even though it was painful and he could only use
one side of his mouth. What wasn’t to like?
---
Cyrah held her whip, fingering each tail from handle to claw. She wanted to
memorize it, each contour, each line. She didn’t know how she knew it, but her
gut told her that once she let it go, she’d never see it again. It wasn’t like
losing her baby. It wasn’t like losing Chu-chan. It was different, a different
kind of sorrow, a different kind of parting. She couldn’t put her finger on it,
but it was a different kind of hurt. It was dull and throbbing, she supposed,
rather than sharp and aching.
Her adoptive son walked into the darkness that she took to be Innocence-
induced. He walked up to her, taking the whip from her limp hands. Cyrah looked
up at him from her seated position. Tuan pulled her up, embracing her tightly.
“Your Innocence talked to Faith for a bit. It didn’t have the power to give you
what you most wanted, but Faith has it. Your Innocence let me come here to tell
you,” Tuan said quietly.
“What is it, Tuan?” Cyrah asked, burying her head in his shoulder. It was
amazing how tall he’d gotten, how strong his muscles seemed to be.
“Well, you know the whole concept of immaculate conception?” He hedged. Cyrah
froze.
“What?” She asked, pulling back and looking into her son’s eyes.
“When Faith releases an emotion, she normally finds a couple who has… copulated
recently. She then implants her baby there, and it leeches off the mother’s
genes. All the Noahs are related through Faith, who takes the ‘father’ genes,
so to speak. So, you’re going to be a mother. Faith released her Hope. She said
it was fitting, though I don’t know what she meant by that.” Tuan shrugged.
“Hope for a new start, maybe,” Cyrah found herself whispering. The answer came
from deep inside her. She hoped her baby wasn’t taking over her mind.
“Hey—Cyrah?” Tuan asked, looking her straight in the eyes.
“What?” She asked, curious as to what Tuan wanted.
“My body’s still alive, but I’m dead. Vikram took me with him. Don’t let them
keep me too long. It’s depressing. Just… I’m happy where I am, okay?”
Cyrah nodded mutely, a tear falling. “You’re really… gone?”
“Yes, but we’ll see each other again someday. Listen, my time’s almost up—the
Innocence can only keep this up for so long—but I just want to say that you’re
the best mom ever.”
He walked off before Cyrah could respond.
---
Amanda was stunned by the sight before her. She had been standing all alone in
the darkness, when suddenly Artemis was standing in front of her, smiling like
she always would when she was listening to Amanda complain or cry or rage about
whatever was on her mind. It was the same peaceful smile that she had worn when
she had died.
“Hey, Mandy!” Artemis called, twirling Amanda’s discus on her right pointer
finger.
“Artemis!” Amanda called back, running forward to embrace her best friend. The
discus fell to the ground. They ignored it. They were too busy hugging.
“Mandy, I’m going to give you sight in your eye. You deserve to keep seeing,”
she said. Amanda hugged her tighter, screwing up her face to keep the tears
from coming. It hurt, though not as much as the burn that swept through her
eye. It was like a migraine. Only in her eye. “Keep on living, Mandy. Things
are going to get tough, but they’ll turn out for the best, you’ll see. Oh, and
thanks for killing that abomination. It didn’t deserve my face. It didn’t do
enough drugs.”
Amanda laughed. “I’m really pissed you left. They don’t have whatever
painkiller you gave me for cramps.”
“It’s called Tylenol, babe. Extra strength,” Artemis said, smiling.
“Really?” Amanda didn’t believe her.
“I’m not lying—which is a first, but still… I never lied to you anyway, so
don’t take it with a grain of salt!” Artemis hit her lightly on her uninjured
shoulder, laughing along with Amanda.
“That’s what you always say,” Amanda responded, rolling her eyes. The other one
was working now, though it was very blurry still, and it hurt like a
motherfucker.
“If you ever need some painkillers, Tylenol’s the best. You want Cocaine or any
of that shit, though, and I’ll kill you. And for God’s sake, don’t complain to
Mr. Darcy about your cramps.”
“Oh, but it’s fun to see him cringe!”
Artemis shot her a playful but withering look. Amanda pretended to recoil, but
she couldn’t really say how much she had missed that expression.
“I’ll miss you, Mandy. But I’ll see you eventually, so don’t overdose or
anything.” Artemis’s peaceful expression was still in place, and they hugged
once more before she walked off, disappearing into the darkness.
“I’ll miss you, too,” Amanda whispered to herself as the darkness faded and was
replaced with the screams of the battlefield.
---
Darcy stared out into the darkness. He was quite alone. He’d have to get used
to that, though. He would always be alone after this. He and… well, it just
wouldn’t work. Too young was all he could think. Too desperate ultimately
followed that first thought. After that came too fast.
They were happy, but they couldn’t be together. It wasn’t right.
“Don’t be stupid, Mr. Darcy,” his Innocence said, its voice muffled because it
was still sheathed. Darcy pushed it away.
“Shut up. She was only with me because—”
“I’m just saying that I can only offer you advice.”
“Yeah, you’ve said it already: ‘don’t do it.’ Well, you can fuck off.” Darcy
scowled down at his cutlass.
“That attitude’s gonna get you in trouble. Anyway, since you’re set on doing
it, I’ll just say that you’re making the wrong choice, you’re gonna regret it,
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. I’ll miss you!”
It detached itself from the belt around Darcy’s waist and bounced, sheath and
all, away from him forever.
Darcy would miss it, too. But he wasn’t making the wrong decision.
---
There were four corners in the darkness, and Lavi recognized it immediately as
a darkened form of his mind. From the Exorcist corner, his hammer sailed out,
looking majestic.
“Tettsui!” Lavi shouted excitedly, using its real name for the first time. It
scoffed at him in a way that reminded Lavi of Yuu. But then, lots of things
reminded him of Yuu.
“Yo, Liam-Lavi-Hybrid,” it replied. It began to whistle a jaunty tune. When it
was finished, it hopped over on its handle and bonked Lavi on the head. “You’re
an idiot. So I’m gonna give you some balance. ‘Cause you’re insane. Yeah, you
need balance.”
It hit him again. “You’re a strange one, Oodzuchi Kodzuchi,” Lavi said, smiling
even though Yuu was hurt.
“Nothing compared to you, Liam-Lavi-Hybrid. And the name’s Tettsui,” it shot
back. Lavi’s smile remained.
“Bye, then, Tettsui.”
“Farewell, Liam-Lavi-Hybrid.”
Lavi rolled his eye, and the world came back into focus as his darkened mind
faded. Everything seemed just a little clearer, in an imperceptible way.
---
Yuu didn’t want Mugen to go. He clung onto the hilt with near-desperation. It
had been the one thing that had locked him in life for the longest time.
“You don’t need me—unhand me, bastard,” Mugen growled. If swords could scowl,
that was what it would be doing.
“Yes, I do. Don’t… fuck… don’t leave me.” Yuu hated that he was begging, but
he’d make an exception just to keep Mugen with him for a little longer.
“You have Lavi now, you don’t need me. And I feel fucking useless. You’re
already healing, so I don’t need to do that. But… you know what, that Lotus
Spell is annoying. It’s infuriating. I think I’ll break it.”
Something deep inside Yuu snapped, and it felt like he was breathing fire and
acid and ice all at the same time. He unintentionally let Mugen go.
“Sorry. I didn’t realize it would hurt. You’re going to need time to heal. So
I’ll stick around until you’re back to your best. Then I’m gone—deal?”
Yuu glared at Mugen but nodded. The pain was already gone, though a deep,
encompassing fatigue was taking its place. Mugen looked a bit smug and patted
him—if such a thing was possible—with something that was mostly sympathy and a
little bit of something else that Yuu was too tired to decipher.
“Lavi…” he sighed out as he fell down, down, down…
He didn’t see the world reappear.
---
“LENALEEEEEEE!”
She would recognize that voice anywhere.
“Gege!” She yelled, turning and seeing her brother running at her with arms
outstretched. “Komui, I missed you!” She ran into his arms, and he picked her
up, twirling her around as they embraced. Eventually, Komui lost his balance,
and they fell to the ground. But they just lay there, hugging each other
quietly.
“It’s so sad without you. Everyone’s mean to me—Reever especially. He says I
whine all the time, but I don’t!”
Lenalee rolled her eyes. “You whine, Gege,” she said, sighing at the
familiarity of it all. It felt so good to talk to him. Komui looked up at one
of the darkened walls and frowned.
“So… Allen, huh?” He asked, his eyes narrowing. Lenalee blushed but forced
herself to answer.
“Yes. And if you even think of making a Komurin or coming back from the dead to
haunt him, I’ll be really mad, Gege, because I really love him. I… love Allen.
A lot.” It was embarrassing, confessing this to her older brother, but she was
surprised when he hugged her tighter, nodding in acceptance.
“If he hurts you, I can’t promise I won’t haunt him, but I’ll give him the
benefit of the doubt until then,” he agreed, sounding reluctant. Still, at
least he was accepting.
“That won’t ever happen,” Lenalee said with complete surety.
“I know,” Komui replied, sounding somewhat depressed.
“It’s okay, though, Gege. I have a full half a wall for you. And you won’t be
replaced by Lolek.”
Komui harrumphed and pulled back, crossing his arms in front of his chest,
pouting. “I’d better not.”
Lenalee laughed. “So, there must be a reason you’re here,” she began. Komui
looked away.
“You’re still very hurt from what… Leverrier—” he spat the name like it was a
curse, “—did to you. I’m here in place of your Dark Boots. They wanted me to
come and help give you a little tilt in the right direction. I’m here to even
everything out, to stabilize all the slightly off-balance portraits. I’m here
to make your world right.” He smiled at her and sat up, dusting off the light,
Chinese-style pants he was wearing. He offered her his hands, and she took
them, allowing herself to be pulled up.
Komui hugged her again.
“Gege,” Lenalee said. Komui made a little “I’m hearing you” noise. “You’re a
good brother. Get over your complex, though.”
“Never,” he said, hugging her briefly before practically skipping off. Lenalee
rolled her eyes but let reality return.
Allen was next to her as the blackness faded back into the world. They were
both standing, facing the sunrise. It had moved farther into the sky than it
had been when the world had lurched, when her Innocence had given her something
priceless and needed, when she had seen Komui again. Allen’s right hand was
still in Lenalee’s left as they stared out into the surreal light created by
the pure drops of Innocent rain.
***** Epilogue: Wake *****
Epilogue:_Wake
February 15, 2014, 7:16 AM—London, England
Innocent rain fell from the illuminated sky, drenching the world with its
purity. Allen held Lenalee’s hand tighter, and together they turned to face the
horrors of the battlefield. It was as if time had stopped when the sky had
opened up and was now coming crashing back. First came sight and Allen felt his
stomach recoil as he viewed the bodies littering the courtyard; the ground that
was once gray was now a mixture of brown, red, and black, all combining as the
rain washed away the taint. Then sound, screams and moans of fallen soldiers
seemed to play almost paradoxically against the all-encompassing silence of the
city around them. Vaguely, Allen wondered where the sirens of the ambulances he
had asked for were, but his concerns were overshadowed by the desperate call he
received.
Allen! We need to get to the hospital! Now! Amanda’s voice was screeching over
the stud communicator in his ear. He looked around desperately for any sign of
the American girl, but the rain had yet to clear the sky of the haze of smoke
and sorrow.
“Faith, they need Sebastian.” Sarah’s voice said, and it drew Allen’s gaze to
the two girls a few meters away. The holy girl in Sarah’s arms nodded and
grasped Love’s hand. A fantastic, almost blinding, golden light shone brightly
from their chests, and when the light receded, a figure stood in front of them.
Allen had known the musician was Mana’s brother, but he hadn’t been expected
such a familiar face to be smiling at him.
“I’m free!” Sebastian exclaimed, and picked up Faith in his arms. “Thank you so
much, Faith!” Faith was laughing, and it made Allen’s heart swell to see it,
but the smile disappeared immediately as he received another transmission from
Amanda.
Allen! Oh my God! Get over here now! Amanda was sobbing. Its Lavi and Kanda!
There’s so muchblood!Help me! The screaming was so loud that Sebastian turned
and placed Faith onto the ground, walking over to Allen and Lenalee.
“Tell me what you need me to do,” Sebastian said, and Allen felt it strange to
actually see the man speaking, but the urgency of the situation held no time
for such thoughts, and he, Lenalee, and Sebastian ran through the smoldering
piles of corpses on the ground.
Allen. It was Tyki’s voice. The white-haired boy would know it anywhere, even
if he wasn’t Noah’s Heart. I’m with Kanda and Lavi.
And suddenly, Allen knew where he was—exactly. He ran forward, Lenalee
sprinting beside him on shaking legs. The sight before them was something Allen
would never forget. Amanda was on her knees, one side of her face seeping blood
as she held up an unconscious Lavi. His side was spurting out little fountains
of dark red blood. Amanda had her hand over the wound, holding something that
looked suspiciously like innards and trapping them inside Lavi’s body. On his
lap, face covered with dirt and blood and dust, was Kanda. Allen couldn’t see
much of the dark-haired man, but he wasn’t moving, save for the lightest up and
down movement of his chest. Tyki was hunched over Kanda across from Lavi, and
he was wrestling with something Allen couldn’t see. The Noah’s expression was
worried and nearly frantic as he tried to do whatever he was doing. He pulled
back when Allen put a hand on his shoulder.
“Lavi won’t let him go,” Tyki said, gesturing helplessly at a hand that was
knotted in Kanda’s hair.
“I think I know what to do,” Lenalee said lightly. She circled around the group
of bodies and pinched a nerve in Lavi’s neck. He fell limp against Amanda. A
large gush of blood spurted onto Kanda’s face. Allen leaned down to take Lavi’s
now lax hand from Kanda’s hair, only to discover that it was, for all intents
and purposes, stuck. Reaching into his nearly destroyed pant pocket, Allen
procured his pocket knife and flipped it open, one-handed. Tyki pulled Lavi’s
hand away from Kanda’s skull, and Allen quickly sliced away the attached hair.
Standing up, the manly half of Noah’s Heart saw Sebastian opening a portal to
one of the designated hospitals they had chosen before the battle and ushering
in doctor after doctor. Many looked green and overwhelmed at the macabre sight
before them, but horror turned to determination as they set to their tasks.
Lavi and Kanda were lifted onto gurneys and rushed through the portal. Lenalee
followed and Allen wanted to as well, but he was needed here to help identify
the bodies.
Allen heard approaching footsteps and turned to see Cyrah, completely healthy,
carrying a very, very still Chu-chan. Her face was set, and she staggered under
Chu-chan’s weight, letting out a heavy sigh when the doctors hurried over to
take him away. She walked over to Allen and stood stoically next to him, her
shining eyes the only indication of her grief.
Darcy was the next to arrive and he, as well as three soldiers, carried what
appeared to be a body, right side burned almost beyond recognition. As the
group placed the burned man onto a gurney, Allen was able to get a look at who
the victim was. Tamas stared up at him, completely coherent, and in obvious
agony.
“Hey, Walker, stop lookin’ at me like I’m a leper or somethin’. Jus’ ‘cause I
can’t move half my body doesn’t give you the right to stare. I’ll be fine. Ow,
fuck! Don’t touch that, you son-of-a-bitch!” The gurney was jostled away and
through Sebastian’s door before Allen could respond.
Emiko and Cyril walked up moments later. There was something strange in Emiko’s
eyes as she nodded at him and walked into the now bustling hospital. Allen
assumed the worst when he saw that Vikram was not following. Miranda, Lolek,
Charlie, Lulu, Justin, Elliot, Michel—who was struggling to carry Hok’ee on his
back—and another handful of soldiers arrived minutes later. Allen was keeping a
tally in his head of just how many had died.
Looking up into the sky, Allen saw a pair of white wings circling high above,
scanning for survivors. Sarah found ten soldiers that had been too badly
injured to move, but that was all. There had been, at the minimum, one hundred
civilians at the start of the battle, at least one thousand soldiers stationed
around the parameter of the bubble. Only sixteen remained, and Allen now knew
that there were five confirmed dead Exorcists. He didn’t want to think about
the injured now in the hospital.
The rain was washing away the ash on the plaza, but as Allen turned to face the
city around him, he noticed the way the smoke still hadn’t dissipated from the
air and how it seemed to rise from the city itself. Dread pooled in the boy’s
stomach; he needed to speak with the Coalition at once. Nodding toward the
large group of his kin, who were crowded around Faith, Allen walked into
Sebastian’s portal and into the blindingly sterile hospital.
---
February 15, 2014, 11:34 PM-- Hospital in London
Lenalee hadn’t stopped crying, and all Allen could do was hold her close and
tell her everything was going to be all right, even though he himself wasn’t
even sure. The Coalition had informed them that while they had been attacking
the Earl, the Noah of Vengeance had released Akuma across the world. Cities had
been leveled by the overwhelming surge. There was no way to know just how many
people had survived, but the first reports had begun to come in a few hours
after the rain started. The numbers were not promising. There were countries
that had simply blinked from existence. The estimates of the number of dead
kept rising, from hundreds of thousands, to millions, to hundred millions, and
finally billions. Allen felt hollow inside; had their efforts gone to such a
waste?
A doctor emerged from the operating room, covered from neck to toe in blood.
Allen had insisted the man tell him immediately when the operation was
complete. Pulling down his surgical mask, the old man sighed. Lenalee stiffened
against his chest.
“Well, he’s still alive.” The doctor’s voice was weary after his sixteen hour
surgery. Allen held his breath, waiting for more news on Lavi’s condition.
Kanda had been placed in the intensive care unit fourteen hours prior.
“We managed to clean out his chest as best we could, but his organs touched the
ground, so it is possible—actually, it’s almost definite—that he will suffer
from massive infections. We had to replace three of his ribs and remove a large
section of his liver. All the muscle was ripped away from his stomach, so we
had to take skin from his legs to cover the wound.”
Allen was horrified; he didn’t think he could ever look at Lavi the same way
again.
“What about Yuu-kun?” Lenalee asked desperately. The doctor sighed. That was
not an encouraging sigh.
“There’s no… obvious brain damage. He had signs of a hemorrhage, but that seems
to have disappeared completely. We did numerous brain scans, but his heart rate
and brain activity are both too low for that of simple sleep. It seems he’s
lapsed into a coma.” Lenalee shrank against Allen’s chest, sobbing.
“When is he…?” Lenalee asked shakily, but the doctor just shook his head.
“He may never wake up,” the man finished sadly, and Lenalee sobbed harder.
---
February 20, 2014—Hospital in London
The first thing he felt was the overwhelming pain pulsing out from his stomach
and reaching the very limits of his body. His hands, too, ached and throbbed.
He opened his eyes—though he could only see out of one—and tried to blink away
the fuzziness of his vision. His mind felt heavy, as if all his blood had been
replaced with water.
A blurry, dark-haired figure sat next to him, though Lavi couldn’t see the
features clearly.
“Yuu?” He asked. His voice cracked a bit, but he tried to keep back the spasms
and coughs that threatened to attack him.
“Oh, Lavi! You’re awake!”
Lavi’s heart sank. It wasn’t Yuu there. He only heard the rainbow quality of
Lenalee’s voice. He wanted butter.
“Where’s… Yuu?” He asked, his voice thin and hoarse. He tried to clear his
throat, but pain shot through his stomach. “Fuck!”
And suddenly, he was coughing. With each tremor, he felt something thick and
coppery fill his mouth. A wave of nausea washed over him. He couldn’t keep it
back. Turning his head so as not to choke on it, Lavi vomited. He didn’t need
clear vision to see that it mostly consisted of blood.
“Lavi!” Lenalee called in a worried voice. She stood up and walked over to the
wall. Lavi couldn’t see what she pressed, but he assumed she was calling
someone to take care of him. The industrial smell, mixed with the white, rough
fabric of the bed he was on confirmed that he was in a hospital.
“Lenalee… what happened?” He asked. For some reason, his brain wasn’t working
yet. Little patterns were swirling before his eye, superimposed on the real
world. Thought was nearly impossible. “Have I been drugged?”
“No, of course not!” Lenalee sounded scandalized at the idea. “You just… well,
thank God you’re awake. They weren’t sure if you’d fight the infection off
enough to wake up.”
“…Infection?” Lavi asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.
“Lavi, you… don’t remember?” Now Lenalee sounded hesitant, as if she wasn’t
quite sure what to say.
“Everything’s really blurry. Lenalee, where’s Yuu?” Lavi asked weakly. He was
finding it hard to think through his thoughts. I’m definitely drugged, he
concluded. Still, he needed to see Yuu, make sure he was alright. Lavi
remembered going into the battle. Obviously, he’d gotten hurt. He needed to
know if Yuu was injured, too.
There was an awkward silence. Lenalee wasn’t answering him.
“Lenalee, what happened to him?” Lavi asked, trying to get up despite the pain.
His arms wouldn’t move. Trying to lift his arms again, he realized something
was holding them back. The redhead gazed downward and saw them restrained to
the rails of the bed. His heart began to beat painfully fast. Was this a
precautionary measure?
“I can’t tell you, I’m sorry,” Lenalee said, looking away and seeming somewhat
guilt-ridden. Lavi’s vision was beginning to clear, thankfully. His sense of
dread didn’t disappear, though.
“Lenalee—tell me. Now,” Lavi ordered, trying to keep the terror from his voice.
Something had to be terribly wrong with Yuu, or else they’d tell him. Unless…
The heart monitor, which had been going off steadily for the entirety of the
conversation, skipped a beat and then picked up its pace. Lavi couldn’t
breathe. Every gasp of air felt shallow, too little to be sufficient.
“He’s dead, isn’t he?” Lavi gasped out. It had to be true. It couldn’t not be.
Lenalee wouldn’t hesitate to tell him unless something had happened to his
lover. Pain erupted before his eyes, and his diaphragm hurt, but he needed to
keep trying to breathe.
“No! No, Lavi, that’s not it!” Lenalee said, raising her hands up above her
chest and waving them at him.
“But I can’t see him!”
Yuu should have—would have—been here when he woke up. Even if he was injured,
Yuu would have been right there at the side of the bed, where Lavi had first
seen Lenalee. The world was getting far blurrier than he could ever remember it
being.
“That’s because he’s unconscious right now,” Lenalee explained, grabbing his
wrist above the restraints in a tight hold.
But that wasn’t possible, because Yuu would have insisted on being in the same
room. If he was unconscious, drug-induced or not, he would have been in the
empty bed next to Lavi’s. Instead, there was a pile of books and a sweater on
top of pressed, stark white sheets.
Suddenly, reality seemed even fuzzier, and he pulled out of it before it became
too confusing, too painful.
---
As if every breath didn’t hurt enough, as if his stomach didn’t stab at his
awareness each time he made a slight movement, the pain in his cheek woke him
up. Opening his eyes, Lavi glared up at whoever the cause was. He wanted to
bring a hand to his face, but the rattling noise and lack of movement reminded
him that he was restrained.
“Lavi, stop scaring Lenalee,” Allen said, looking angry. The blurriness from
Lavi’s previous waking was completely gone, and his head was clear. Obviously,
some time had passed between the last thing he remembered and…
Yuu was dead, though, right?
Lavi tried to pull past the restraints, get up so he could grab Allen’s lapels
and shake the boy until he got an answer. A strong hand came down on his chest,
forcing him to still. Blinding pain engulfed him, but Lavi didn’t care. Allen
knew what had happened—he didn’t look that battered.
“Hey, Lavi, stop moving, you’re going to take out your stitches,” Allen
admonished, leaving his hand in place. Lavi squirmed against it, but the pain
was starting to get to him, so he stopped, feeling resigned.
“No one will tell me what happened to Yuu,” Lavi mumbled, looking up
imploringly at the white-haired boy. “All Lenalee would say is that he was
unconscious. He’s dead, though, isn’t he?”
Allen shook his head, looking down at Lavi pityingly. The redhead found he
didn’t much like the expression. “No,” the white-haired boy said, sounding as
if he was talking to the very, very dull, “he’s unconscious.” Allen sighed, and
Lavi nodded for him to continue. “He’s… in a coma.” He spoke the last words
carefully, probably afraid Lavi would react badly. That was a given, though. A
coma?
“He’ll wake up soon, right?”
Allen’s hesitation was all the response he needed. Lavi tried to let himself
go. Yuu wasn’t waking up, so he didn’t need to either. Another slap to the same
cheek pulled him from the stupor.
“You’re a fucktard, you know?” Allen asked him scathingly. Lavi gazed up at
him, uncomprehending. “He’s still alive, so get the hell over it. Lavi, they
don’t know why he’s in a coma. He shouldn’t be—there’s no brain damage.”
“Do they think he’ll ever wake up?” the redhead asked softly. Allen shook his
head.
“But it is BaKanda. He’s too much of a stubborn ass to give up. I can’t believe
I’m saying this, but he’s going to wake up, simply because that’s who he is.
Lavi, he’d never abandon you. So stay awake until he comes out of it, okay?”
Lavi wanted to nod, he really did, but the world seemed so lackluster without
his lover in it.
Lenalee walked in, smiling hugely in a way that shouldn’t have been allowed. It
was too cheerful. Damn people and their happiness.
“Hey, Lavi!” She said, aiming her smile at him. “Did you hear? Miranda’s
pregnant! And so is Cyrah!”
Despite wanting to crawl under a rock to die, Lavi felt his mouth drop open in
his shock. Miranda had actually had sex? And… Cyrah? What kind of disgusting
twist of fate was that? Lavi couldn’t quite find the words to explain his
confusion.
“Mirand—oh, fuck.” Lavi turned his head as another wracking cough exploded from
his throat with a shower of coppery-tasting blood. Another wave of nausea swept
over him, and he spewed blood all over Allen’s clean, white shirt.
“Aw, that’s disgusting, Lavi! Don’t you have a chest tube to stop this?” Allen
exclaimed, looking sickened. Lavi didn’t care, his chest hurt. His ribs
twitched, and he felt something slide from between them. Abruptly, blood
spurted out, also covering the white-haired boy’s shirt. He heard Lenalee
scream, but then all sound was gone, and the world faded out.
---
His legs were wet. That didn’t make sense, why would it be raining in a
hospital? Lavi cracked an eye open and was both surprised and horrified to see
Amanda. Her body shook with tremendous sobs as she unloaded tear after tear
onto his legs.
“Amanda?” He questioned, once again trying to lift a hand so as to place it in
her hair, but he was still restrained. Amanda’s tremors abruptly stopped, and
she looked up, rubbing her eyes.
“Hey, Lavi! You’re awake again!” She exclaimed, her voice quivering and a
large, plastic smile plastered on her lips. Tears still rolled down her cheeks.
“Why… are you crying on me?” Lavi asked, bewildered.
“I was praying to the… Hospital Fairy for your safe recovery! It requires… the
sacrifice of virgin tears,” Lavi stared at her incredulously, “But I figured my
tears would do,” she added upon seeing his expression.
“You’re a horrible liar when it counts. Who died?”
Amanda shook her head and turned away, obviously trying to hide more tears.
“At least yours will be with you once he’s recovered,” Amanda muttered, getting
up to leave. The movement put her profiled face into full view. The entire
right side of her face was covered in a light bandage, and she looked
miserable. Her hand, Lavi noticed when she lifted it from atop his legs, was
similarly dressed. She was wearing a sheer, light top, and Lavi could see
further bandaging beneath it.
“Amanda, what happened?” Lavi asked, trying to lift his hand again and becoming
infuriated with the restraints. Abruptly, the American girl’s face crumpled,
and she collapsed onto his legs again. The movement jerked his body; Lavi
yelped with the pain in his stomach.
“Mr. Darcy broke up with meeeee!” Amanda wailed into Lavi’s thigh.
“I’d give you a hug, but I’m kind of… stuck,” Lavi said blankly. He tried to
twitch his fingers in sympathy, but pain shot through his hand, and he hissed.
Amanda looked up as his legs stiffened against her face.
“Lavi, did the doctors look at these?” She asked, picking up one of his hands
carefully, her tears quite forgotten. Lavi squirmed in pain, sending twinges of
agony through his stomach, but he tried to stay as still as possible. Amanda
continued to examine his hand, bending fingers and massaging the palm. Lavi
could feel his bones moving out of place with each touch. He wasn’t really
surprised; without the Innocence to keep them in alignment, he didn’t expect
them to be that mobile. He still remembered the days Yuu had lightly massaged
them, and he remembered how hard it had been to move them.
“I don’t know,” Lavi answered truthfully.
Amanda dropped his hand, and they sat in silence for a few minutes. She was
sniffling slightly but the tears had stopped. She stood up and gave him a soft
hug. It still hurt, though he didn’t show it.
“I’m heading home today, to America. I have to finish high school, and I’ve
already been accepted into Princeton.” Lavi gave a low whistle and then hissed
in pain as his stomach contracted.
“Do you want me to call the nurse before I leave?” Amanda sounded concerned,
but Lavi just shook his head.
“No, pain medication addles my brain. It infuriates me when I can’t observe,”
Lavi explained with a grimace. Amanda nodded.
“I’ll come visit in a couple weeks,” she said, walking out. A minute later, the
nurse walked in, carrying a large syringe.
“Mr. Lavi, it’s time for your pain meds.” The nurse smiled sweetly. Lavi was
not pleased.
“No,” Lavi moaned
“Yes, Mr. Lavi,”
“Nooo,” Lavi insisted in a whine and tried to squirm out of his restraints.
“Why do you not want your meds?” The nurse said rolling her eyes.
“I want to be aware when Yuu wakes up; can I please go see him?” the redhead
pleaded, widening his eye in what he hoped was a pitiful way.
“You know you can’t, you have no immune system. I take you out of here, and
you’ll get sicker than you already are,”
“I’m not sick!” Lavi insisted, coughing.
“Suuure.”
“Please.” His tone was desperate, all acting gone. The nurse was obviously
shaken by his sudden change in character, but she remained stern, shaking her
head sadly.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Lavi, but right now it’s an impossibility. If you take your
meds, then maybe you can get there faster.” The nurse walked over to his IV and
pressed the plunger down. Relief came almost immediately, as did the fuzziness
that always accompanied it. Before he fell asleep, he vaguely remembered
calling Yuu’s name.
---
March 5, 2014—Hospital in London
They said he had food poisoning. Which wasn’t fair, as he’d barely eaten
anything solid in the past week. Now he couldn’t eat anything at all. Not if he
didn’t want it spewed all over the floor—or, if he was lucky, in a bucket.
He had never felt so weak in his entire life. He couldn’t even lift his head
from the pillow. He was vaguely aware of someone in the room. They were talking
to him, but he couldn’t understand what they were saying. They were moving his
hands, and pain shot through him like lightning, from his hands and directly to
his stomach, which took the liberty of emptying itself on the offender’s chest.
He knew he was mumbling. What, he didn’t know, but there were words coming out
of his mouth. He fervently hoped they were in a language no one would
understand.
He faded in and out of consciousness, and when he awoke again, the nurse was
there, along with someone who was scribbling fervently on a clipboard. They
noticed his sudden return to attention and froze.
“Who are you?” Lavi asked of the young-looking brunette with the clipboard.
The man smiled at his restrained form. They had tried to remove them once, but
after he had ripped his stitches from tossing about in his sleep, they’d
reluctantly returned them.
“I’m Doctor Smolder.”
Lavi suppressed a laugh, “You sound like a stripper.” The man made an irritated
sound, but Lavi continued before his reply, “Why are you here?”
“The nurse said you were muttering some concerning things in your sleep. She
asked me down here to give you a referral.” The man replied and Lavi’s blood
ran cold.
“No. Not ever.” His voice held no room for argument. The man simply shook his
head and left. Lavi turned to the nurse.
“Don’t meddle.” The woman took a step back. “I’ve seen things you could never
imagine, seen things that would curdle your blood in an instant. Tell me,
should an already broken person be splayed for the world to see? I know I’m
fucked up, so don’t meddle.” Lavi looked at the nurse, who was simply staring
at him; her face was pale and she was shaking her head.
“I’m sorry. I won’t ask anymore, but please, why is the sun so important? You
keep calling for it in your dreams. You sound so lost when you say it, and I
just need to know if it has anything to do with why you won’t sleep with the
lights off.”
Lavi laughed lightly, trying not to upset his stomach. He was trying to hide
the fact that he was skipping his pain medication. “If they did to you what
they did to me, then you wouldn’t sleep with the lights off, either. Do me a
favor, when Yuu wakes up, make sure the lights are on.”
The nurse nodded. “That doesn’t explain the sun,” she said softly.
“My sun keeps me warm, but I’m not with him right now, so it’s very cold.”
Lavi’s voice was equally soft, and he gazed past the nurse, as if that action
alone would let him see his lover. Lavi turned his head to look away from the
nurse, ending their conversation. A moment later, he heard her footsteps leave.
---
March 6, 2014—Hospital in London
Beep…..Beep….Beep. Beeps overlapped. Why was there another set? It didn’t make
sense. He was alone. A familiar scent tantalized his nose. Now the world really
wasn’t making sense. Had someone slipped him some Morphine? Because cinnamon
shouldn’t have been in the overly sterile air. He was afraid to open his eyes,
because if he did and Yuu wasn’t there, he didn’t know what he’d do.
“Mr. Lavi, your heart monitor is going crazy, are you awake?”
It was the nurse from his room. If she was here, that meant he wasn’t with Yuu.
Lavi squeezed his eyes shut as tight as possible, wishing he could bring his
hands up to cover them as well. The smell of cinnamon still wafted up his nose,
teasing him with its very imaginary presence.
“Mr. Lavi, open your eyes—it took a shitload of begging and pleading to get you
in here, so take a look, okay?”
Lavi shook his head, squeezing his eyes even tighter. The nurse made a noise
that Lavi couldn’t quite classify as a sigh, though it wasn’t quite a scoff. He
imagined that she was rolling her eyes.
“Why not?” She asked testily. Lavi shook his head again. “You’re acting like a
child, just tell me.”
“Because he’s not there. This is obviously an illusion.”
This time, the nurse did sigh. “Lavi, open your eyes. Don’t make me do it for
you.” Lavi cracked an eye open. “Good, now turn to face me.”
Gazing that way would make him face the bed that was empty. Preparing himself
to break, Lavi turned his head. He blinked in confusion. There was someone in
the bed across from his. He was covered in thin blankets and had short, black
hair.
“Yuu?” It looked like him, and the room, while the same, had a different view
from the window.
There was an almost unnoticeable che in the air, released from the dark-haired
man’s slowly moving chest. The little digital number on the heart monitor
spiked. Next to him, the nurse froze and turned to look at the screen.
“That shouldn’t happen,” she said faintly. “Can I… no, that’s ridiculous. Just
a coincidence.”
“Can I go closer?” Lavi asked, heaving himself up despite the shaking in his
limbs and the large pain that shot through his stomach. He played it off as a
twinge. The nurse gave him a contemplative look and then nodded.
“Lie back,” she ordered, and Lavi fiddled with the bed’s controls until the
head was at an angle. Lying back on it, he gestured vaguely with a pain-ridden
hand to continue. Carefully, the nurse pushed their beds together. Immediately,
Lavi reached out with his left hand to grab Yuu’s stationary right one.
The heart monitor spiked once again. The nurse gasped.
“Impossible,” she muttered. A second later, she was using the phone in the room
to call in Yuu’s doctor. A middle-aged woman walked in with Allen and Lenalee
following her. Lavi pulled his hand back; he wasn’t supposed to be over there
in the first place, and the nurse wouldn’t let it happen again if the doctor
refused.
“What’s going on?” Allen asked, looking confused as he scratched his nose.
Abruptly, Yuu’s pulse flatlined.
Lavi didn’t feel anything but the dread that overtook him like a blow from
Oodzuchi. All he felt was the sinking, drowning feeling, like he was being
submerged in an icy lake. Everything was frigid and dark, as if there would
never be sun again.
“Yuu,” Lavi whispered. If there was no sun, there was nothing. If there was no
sun, there was no warmth, and Lavi very desperately needed warmth.
The doctor had a crash cart going, but she stopped as Yuu’s heart rate settled
at a slow beep again. Lavi breathed in a deep, warming sigh of relief.
“That was what you were talking about, then?” The doctor asked the nurse, who
nodded.
“Look how he responds to Mr. Lavi’s touch.” She gestured for Lavi to grab Yuu’s
hand again. Heart beating too fast from the adrenaline rush, he reached out and
placed his aching hand on Yuu’s still one. The heart monitor picked up once
more. The doctor made a hmmming noise but remained stoic and still.
“Mr. Lavi, I’d like to test something. You and Mr. Kanda are… an item, am I
correct?” The doctor asked, looking away as she spoke the words. Her face was a
mask of confusion mixed with acute contemplation, and her eyes were vacant as
if she was thinking very hard.
Lavi nodded, the movement eliciting a small twinge from his still throbbing
stomach.
“Does he… dislike Mr. Walker?”
Lavi snorted. “He pretends to,” he explained, “but really, they’re best
friends. They don’t realize it, though.”
“I am not best friends with BaKanda!” Allen exclaimed, sounding offended. Yuu’s
heart rate dropped again, but he didn’t crash. Lavi breathed a second sigh of
relief. Yuu’s mouth twitched, but then it went slack. Lavi wanted to squeeze
his lover’s hand, but his own wouldn’t move at all.
His stomach wrenched in a way that had become disturbingly familiar. It was
painful and nauseating all at once. Still, it was better than that time three
weeks ago when he’d had rotavirus, back when he’d still been in the low immune
system ward. One sickness. Two exits. For eight days. That hadn’t been
pleasant. It had been even less pleasant when it had been coupled with severe
dehydration.
He felt the vomit rise in his throat and put a destroyed hand to his mouth,
making a pre-retching noise. All attention was immediately returned back to him
as he spewed on Allen’s shoes.
“Aw, come on, Lavi!” Allen exclaimed, sounding outraged. “That’s the fifth time
you’ve done that!”
Lavi chuckled weakly, ignoring the awful taste in his mouth and the flash of
pain that bubbled through his stomach at the movement. “But it’s so fun,” he
cackled, his voice thin. Allen made to punch him, but the doctors held the boy
back. “Which reminds me, why do you only have one arm, and where’s Oodzuchi?”
Allen hesitated and looked away. “The Innocence is in the earth now,” he
responded, shrugging.
“Oh,” Lavi replied. His eye rolled back into his head, and the last thing he
muttered before he was out was, “do you mind if I pass out now?”
---
March 14, 2014—Hospital in London
It took Lavi exactly twenty-six coherent seconds interpreting Doctor Speech to
realize that he would never regain full use of his hands. He’d been too sick
during his first month in the hospital to do any type of therapy, and now that
his infection had died down somewhat and his immune system had gotten a bit of
a boost, the doctors seemed to want to torture him for hours. They gave him an
orange stress ball, one of the squishier varieties, and they’d been trying to
have him make fists for the past three hours.
The only problem was that he could barely move the damned things at all, let
alone make fists. Looking at the x-rays in the corner, he wasn’t surprised.
Knuckles weren’t supposed to go there, and fingers simply didn’t angle that
way. One of the three doctors grabbed his hands, shooting pain up his wrists.
“Hmmm…” The doctor said, furrowing his eyebrows until they were closely knitted
together. “Your bones are extremely out of alignment—” No shit, Lavi thought
furiously, “—and half of them are connected only by muscle. Half of your carpal
bones are rubbing up against each other in extremely destructive ways. I
suppose, with surgery…” The doctor trailed off.
“Er…” Lavi started, but the doctor continued on.
“But the extent of the damage… could you repeat exactly what happened to them?”
Lavi sighed. “I pretended they were hammers. The stone floor needed to be
properly shaped. I spent hours doing it.”
“This is self-inflicted?” The doctor’s furrowed eyebrows raised in interest.
Lavi looked over at his lover. “Yuu…” he whimpered. It was in moments like
these, when the doctors got close to forcing the pent-up emotions from him,
that he missed Yuu telling them to go shut the fuck up and leave. Maybe, Lavi
thought nostalgically, he would threaten them with Mugen, too, even though his
Innocence was now gone.
“I’m going to have someone come in to talk to you,” the doctor said. Turning to
the other two white-coated bastards, he gestured for one to pick up the room’s
phone. “Get Maynard down here. I think he was on the case before,” he told
them.
Letting the orange ball fall from his slack hands, Lavi felt dread returning to
his system. Despite being so drugged up he couldn’t concentrate, he had made a
point to learn every worker’s name, face, and age. Doctor Maynard Smolder, the
psychiatrist who had visited him just a week prior. He didn’t want to see the
man again. That meant the hospital was prying, and he wasn’t sure how well he
would hold up without Yuu’s support. He gazed once more at the still figure in
the other bed.
By the time the young brunette entered the room, Lavi had been joined by
Amanda.
“Oh, it’s Smexy Smolder!” She sang out, smiling another of her plastic
expressions. Her eyes showed just how torn apart she still was, even without
the aid of the dark bags beneath them. Lavi wanted to laugh at that, but he
just couldn’t bring himself to do so. Each step the doctor took brought him
closer to Lavi, and the redhead felt a familiar coldness sweep through him as
the man reached his bedside.
“I won’t grace that comment with an answer,” the young doctor said eloquently,
his face flushed with an emotion Lavi was too panicked to recognize. Turning to
the redhead, he asked, “so, how are you feeling today, Lavi?”
Lavi remained silent, fixing his solitary eye on the form of his lover for lack
of anywhere better to look. He tried not to blink, but necessity brought the
action about.
“Lavi? Can you hear me?” The doctor asked. The redhead felt someone hit his
shoulder with a tiny hand, but he ignored it. It was very easy to do. He felt
Liam in his head for a fleeting second as he brought objectivity into his
world. Nothing, no one mattered. Except Yuu, because Yuu was always the
exception.
“Lavi? Lavi?” A hand snapped in front of his eye, but Lavi kept himself from
blinking with skills from his Bookman training. He could imagine Yuu scoffing
at the doctor’s attempts, maybe even laughing now. He could imagine the dark-
haired man just being there, holding him.
“…Hair too short,” Lavi mumbled without meaning to. The doctor raised an
eyebrow, but Lavi had already locked his mouth shut, and he refused to speak
again until the doctor had left. When he surveyed the room, he noticed that
Amanda was gone, too. “Happy birthday,” he added to the silence that was
peppered only with the beeping of Yuu’s heart monitor.
---
April 28, 2014—Hospital in London
Allen felt unbelievably sad today, like he was feeling someone else’s sadness,
not to mention the fact that his thoughts kept going back to “Yuu-kun.” So it
didn’t come as a surprise when he found Lenalee sitting at Kanda’s bedside.
“Where’s Lavi?” He asked, dragging a second chair next to Lenalee’s. The
Chinese girl looked up with a gloomy expression and then returned her gaze to
Kanda’s depressingly still form.
“He’s at physical therapy. They’re working on his stomach and chest muscles
today,” she answered quietly, her voice nearly monotone. Allen sat down and put
his hand on her shoulder, hoping he was being comforting. She leaned into his
touch, a tiny smile hinted at the corners of her mouth.
“I heard he’s got another infection,” Allen said, more as a way to get his mind
off of Yuu-kun. Lenalee nodded but didn’t make any other gesture. Her right
hand went out and covered Kanda’s unmoving one. “He’s going to wake up,” Allen
told her quietly.
“How do you know?” Lenalee asked, her voice sounding like that of a child
seeking assurance.
“Because he wouldn’t give me the satisfaction of living longer than him,” Allen
replied simply, smiling down at the girl he loved. Lenalee gave a small, watery
chuckle, though no tears fell from her eyes. Those had long since been spent,
and now she looked on in silent depression. Allen moved his arm so that it was
around her small shoulders. She rested her head on his shoulder.
“You’re hungry, Allen, go eat,” she told him quietly, almost as if she didn’t
want to disturb Yuu-kun’s—no, Kanda’s—sleep.
“No, I’m not,” Allen disagreed, looking down at his stomach. He had lost weight
lately, but he just hadn’t felt hungry at all. It was the most bizarre thing.
Ever since the Innocence had left his body, he had had trouble forcing the food
down his gullet.
“Yes, you are. Allen, you haven’t had anything to eat in three days,” Lenalee
pointed out, tilting her head upward so that she could stare admonishingly at
him.
Sighing, Allen disentangled himself from her. “I just don’t feel hungry,” he
muttered.
“Yes, you do, you just don’t realize it because you’re so used to being a
parasitic type. At least eat something somewhat solid, okay?”
Allen nodded and left the room, returning ten minutes later with a bowl of
tomato soup and saltine crackers. He ate slowly, forcing the food down at a
slow pace, but under Lenalee’s vulture-like eye, he finished it all. Some of
the tiny, dull twinges in his stomach disappeared as he digested. Sighing, he
leaned over and put his head on Lenalee’s shoulder. She made a high,
inquisitive noise and shifted so that they were both more comfortable.
“I meant what I said,” Allen mumbled, closing his eye—the other was little more
than a hole in his head, the eyelid still tender from the reconstructive
surgery.
“About not being hungry?” Lenalee asked, sounding both tired and indignant at
once.
“No, I meant what I said on the battlefield,” Allen clarified, opening his eye
to look into Lenalee’s. Her face softened as she understood what he was
referring to.
“Me, too,” she said, smiling tenderly. Leaning her head down, she kissed
Allen’s white hair with the same gentle, caring quality of her expression.
They remained silent for a while, listening to the other’s breath and to the
slow rate steadily beeping away on the heart monitor.
“Hey, Allen?” Lenalee asked quietly. Allen made a little grunt and opened his
eye, which had fallen closed at some point. “What are we going to do after Yuu-
kun wakes up?”
Allen thought about it for a moment. “Well, I do own a casino,” he began.
Lenalee’s posture stiffened for a second and then relaxed. She pulled back
enough to look Allen straight in the face. Her expression was dumbfounded.
“You own what?” She asked, sounding shocked and confused.
“A casino,” Allen said matter-of-factly. “I didn’t tell you?”
Lenalee shook her head, looking scandalized. “And you’re going to run it?” She
asked incredulously. Upon Allen’s answering nod, she added, “Do you even know
how?”
“Well, that’s what schooling’s for, right?” He asked. Lenalee sighed
exasperatedly.
“Allen, no offense, but you’re stupid,” she said.
Allen opened his mouth in shock. Lenalee—his Lenalee—was calling him stupid?
The world suddenly didn’t make any sense. Maybe there were still Akuma about?
“No, I’m not!” He exclaimed, pulling away from her.
“Yes, you are. But it’s okay, because I love you, and I’m sure you can do
anything you put your mind to,” she said, smiling at him in a too-cheerful
manner.
“Well, what are you going to do?” Allen asked, changing the subject. Lenalee’s
expression dropped, and she looked contemplative for a while.
“I don’t know,” she finally said, looking somewhat crestfallen. Allen wrapped
his only arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his chest. She nuzzled
into a more comfortable position, one where her nose wasn’t crushed and her
breaths didn’t come out in little squeaks. Allen wasn’t quite sure why, but
having Lenalee right there in his arm, smiling contentedly as she closed her
eyes against him, was quite possibly the best sensation he’d ever felt. It made
his heart race. He was positive she could hear his pulse, but it seemed she was
ignoring it.
“Allen, what are we gonna do?” She asked after a long, comfortable silence. He
looked down at her, and their eyes met. Gray and purple. Together, they made
gray-purple.
“Er… well…” Allen shifted his eyes around the room, canceling the color they’d
made. He knew what he wanted to say, but it sounded corny and horribly
stereotypical. Lenalee didn’t deserve stereotypes. She didn’t deserve normal.
“You like kids, right?” He finally asked, returning his gaze to her face.
Lenalee’s eyes went wide, and her mouth made a little “oh” shape. “That’s very
forward of you, Allen,” she said breathlessly. Allen felt his face grow hot
with a beet red blush.
“I meant that you could work with kids or something,” he mumbled, embarrassed.
“Oh. Yeah, that could be fun. Maybe I’ll teach kindergarten or something,”
Lenalee said, though Allen thought he heard a note of disappointment in her
tone.
“Do you want kids, though?” Allen asked, blushing harder and looking anywhere
but the Chinese girl in his arm. Lenalee’s face grew nearly crimson as she
nodded, a small, embarrassed smile sitting on her lips. Allen abruptly wanted
to say it again, the thing he most desperately wanted to ask her but was too
afraid to let loose into the air.
“I mean, I’d have to be married first,” Lenalee amended.
“Do you want to get married, then?” Allen blurted in a rush. His blush deepened
even further, if such a thing was possible, as he realized what he had just
said. To Lenalee. Even though he had wanted to say it. But she wouldn’t want
to, and he wasn’t quite sure they were old enough for kids anyway, and he was a
bit confused because she had tears swimming in her eyes now, and he was
scared—terrified—she would say no.
“Allen,” she replied slowly, “I don’t want kids now. Maybe in a couple years,
but not now.”
He let out a small sigh but then realized she hadn’t answered. It cut a little
bit, as it was probably her way of refusing him—
“But I would like to get married,” she added.
Allen’s face broke out into a huge smile. “Really?” He asked, blown away.
Lenalee smiled, too. “Yes,” she said.
“I’ll get you a ring,” Allen promised, and Lenalee nodded.
“Once the economy is back up,” she said. They smiled broadly at each other, and
Allen leaned down, pausing right before their lips touched. And then the world
of the hospital and the beeping and the depression was gone, and all that
mattered was Lenalee’s smile against his lips.
---
May 27, 2014—Hospital in London
Life, Lavi concluded, was miserable. It was filled with pain and infection. It
was filled with loneliness. He’d long since given up hope that Yuu would wake.
His lover’s brain activity had gotten slightly stronger over the past couple
months, but it wasn’t anything significant. There had been a period at the
beginning of May when Lavi had fought off his infection completely. He’d been
on a steep road to recovery, and suddenly he was chugging along like one of
those bullet trains they’d taken to France almost a year ago. But now the train
had derailed and fallen down the hill.
He could move his hands somewhat, making a sort of half fist with them, though
they wouldn’t move any further. The doctors were encouraging, but Lavi knew he
wouldn’t get much more use out of them. The skin graft had healed within the
first few weeks, and even his stitches were starting to fade. His liver was
steadily regenerating the third he’d lost. Breathing had become easier as his
lung and diaphragm healed. The only remaining problem was the infection that
had decided to worm its way back into his system.
Which was why he was currently bracing himself over the toilet, emptying the
contents of his too small, barely healed stomach. The nurse walked in and
placed a new tube of enamel-building toothpaste on the counter next to him.
Lavi coughed out his thanks before letting out another round of vomit, followed
by whatever stomach acid was left. It burned on the way up, hot and sour.
Getting up on shaky legs, Lavi walked back out into the room, letting the slow,
reassuring beeping of Yuu’s heart monitor relax him in a way that Allen and
Lenalee’s current presence couldn’t. Still, when Lenalee got up, looking
concerned, and walked toward him, he let himself collapse into her. Yuu still
hadn’t woken up, and he needed a hug, dammit.
“It’s okay, Lavi,” Lenalee whispered into his chest. But it wasn’t okay; Yuu
wasn’t awake. “Everything will be just fine.” But it wouldn’t; Yuu wasn’t
awake, and he was showing no signs of doing so in the near future.
Lavi went a bit limp in her embrace and let her lead him to a chair on Yuu’s
right. He knew it had been placed there so he could see his lover’s face
better. Lenalee had placed it there three weeks ago when Lavi had first started
sleeping on Yuu’s bed (much to the nurse’s consternation). He smelled the
clean, floral scent of her shampoo, wishing it was lotuses but knowing it
wasn’t. Sighing, he pulled Lenalee into his lap so he could have something
solid and there to grab on to.
She placed her hands in his shaking, nearly unmoving ones, and Lavi realized
something was different. There was a warm, metal object where there shouldn’t
have been one. Counting her fingers, he understood the significance at once.
“You’re engaged to Allen?” He asked quietly, wondering when it had happened.
Had he been that out of it? He saw the back of Lenalee’s neck blush mightily.
When he looked over at Allen, he saw a mirrored red on his features. Slowly,
Lenalee nodded.
“He just got me the ring today, but he asked me to marry him a month ago,” she
confessed. Lavi blinked, confused.
“Allen asked you?” He asked, uncomprehending.
“Yeah, of course,” Lenalee said, as if Allen dropping down on his knee to
propose marriage to the love of his life was something he was capable of doing.
“He had the balls?” Lavi reiterated. Allen’s face grew offended, and he made a
huffing noise. Yuu’s heart monitor blipped higher for a moment. Lenalee
scowled.
“Of course he did!” She huffed, but she smiled a moment later, as if conceding
to the amusement.
The door opened, and as Lavi looked over, a very startled-looking Sarah walked
in. She ghosted over to Lavi’s chair, lifting Lenalee from his lap as if she
weighed nothing. Sarah gave him a confused look.
“How can you not be touching him?” She asked incredulously, scooting his chair
forward and moving his throbbing hand so it was on Yuu’s. On the heart monitor,
the beat spiked as it always did. “No, still not good enough—too strong, too
strong—need… ah!” She raised a finger as her expression cleared with epiphany.
Sarah’s face scrunched up in acute concentration as if she was focusing all her
energy on one thing. A moment later, a small ornate door appeared in the middle
of the room and a smiling Road walked out.
“What is it, Sarah?” Road asked, obviously concerned, “You sounded upset.”
“Road!” Sarah exclaimed, running up to her sister and hugging her tightly. She
began to whisper something that Lavi couldn’t hear into Road’s ear. Road’s eyes
widened, and a larger smile appeared on the black-haired girl’s features.
“Wow, that’s a great idea, Sarah! I wonder why I didn’t think of that!” Road
exclaimed, extracting herself from Sarah’s embrace. The young Noah skipped over
to Lavi and smiled sweetly at him.
“Lavi?” she asked. The redhead looked her in the eye, noticing a strange,
excited gleam. “Wanna know what Kanda’s dreaming?”
Lavi didn’t understand. But when Road lifted her hand onto Yuu’s forehead,
placing her other hand on Lavi’s own, the comprehension dawned as he was thrown
into a world completely unlike reality. All around him were trees. They
reminded Lavi of the forest outside of the old Order Headquarters. Actually,
they were a carbon copy, he realized as he looked closer. Following the worn
path that Yuu had engraved into the forest floor, Lavi quickly stumbled upon
his lover’s clearing. To his surprise, Yuu was sitting cross-legged against one
of the nearby maple trees, his eyes closed and hands lightly resting atop
Mugen, which was in his lap.
“Yuu?” Lavi asked, taking uncertain steps forward. Yuu opened an eye, looking
shocked at being interrupted. Sitting down next to him, Lavi couldn’t help but
put an arm around his lover’s shoulder, letting his head rest on it. Yuu leaned
into the embrace, a peaceful smile on his face.
“What are you doing here?” the Japanese man asked quietly, his tone
inoffensive.
“Road let me in,” Lavi replied nonchalantly. There was a small silence, and
then Lavi added, “I miss you.”
Yuu nodded. “I miss you, too,” he mumbled, a small hint of his usual gruffness
in his voice. Lavi’s heart swelled. He’d missed that smooth, molten butter
sound.
“Ne, Yuu, when are you waking up?” Lavi asked softly. Yuu leaned back, and Lavi
let his arm drop back to his side as the Japanese man gestured to his chokuto.
“As soon as Mugen’s gone,” he replied. “How long have I been unconscious?”
“Three months, one week, six days, fourteen hours, twenty-seven minutes, and
thirty-nine seconds,” Lavi replied, his tone coming out with a hint of
depression, though he hadn’t meant for it to. Yuu shifted uncomfortably next to
him. “Do you know how long it’ll take for Mugen to disappear?” He added after a
moment.
“No,” Yuu replied quietly as Lavi leaned his head back on the other man’s
shoulder. The Japanese man rested his head atop Lavi’s, reaching over to place
his hand in the redhead’s.
No pain shot up his arm at the sudden pressure, and Lavi frowned
contemplatively. Slowly, carefully, he let his fingers curl over the back of
Yuu’s hand. His hand moved smoothly, without cracking. Each joint bent easily,
as if it was in alignment. He made a curious noise. Yuu shifted, pulling back
to give him a questioning look before returning to their previous position.
“They work here,” Lavi commented, raising their connected hands to imply the
subject.
“They don’t work outside?” Yuu asked quietly. Lavi shook his head.
“I can move them maybe about this much,” he muttered, lifting his other hand
and closing it halfway. The other man made a small, almost disgruntled noise
and switched their hands so that their fingers were twining. Lavi squeezed his
hand, smiling.
“While we can,” he said.
“While we can,” Yuu agreed.
Once again, silence fell between the two, but Lavi didn’t mind it. He didn’t
mind anything at all as long as he could be there with his lover. He did notice
how quiet it was, though.
“Is it always so quiet?” He asked finally, breaking the comfortable silence.
“Sometimes I hear talking,” Yuu said. Lavi raised an eyebrow, though he knew
his lover couldn’t see or feel the motion.
“What was the last thing you heard?” He asked.
“Something ridiculous about Moyashi and Lenalee getting married,” Yuu mumbled.
“Yeah, they just told me that,” Lavi said, smile turning broad.
“When did Lenalee ask him?” Yuu asked.
“Actually, surprisingly, it was Allen who did it,” Lavi replied. Yuu tensed in
shock and turned so that they could look into each other’s eyes. He looked
skeptical. “Yeah, I was shocked, too,” Lavi continued. “Apparently, Allen
actually has the balls to ask for what he wants.”
Yuu chuckled and leaned back on the tree, squeezing Lavi’s hand. The redhead
rested his head back on the Japanese man’s shoulder, and they resumed the same
pose for the third time.
“Everyone misses you, it’s not just me,” Lavi commented. “I mean, obviously
Lenalee, but Allen does, too, not that he’d mention it. Amanda does, but she’s
not really in the right… frame of mind since she and Darcy broke up—yeah, they
broke up; I’m as confused as you are. Oh, did you know? Lolek and Miranda are
getting married. She’s pregnant. Apparently, she was two weeks gone in the
final battle.”
Yuu snorted. “They would have that luck,” he said, smiling. Abruptly, Lavi
leaned forward and kissed him. “What was that for, rabbit?”
“I love you, that’s all,” Lavi admitted. His stomach clenched up, and he
grimaced. “And my body’ll be throwin’ up soon.”
“Why?”
“Well, I’m still sick, Yuu-chan.”
“You just said it’s been three months since—”
“My stomach’s infected again. I stopped throwin’ up blood after my lung
finished healin’, but apparently, infection, food poisoning, rotavirus,
influenza, and colds love me.”
Yuu pulled back again, eyes widening. “Are you…?” He began, looking flustered,
as if he didn’t really want to admit he cared but decided to just go with it.
“Oh, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me. Just concentrate on waking up. Why are
you asleep, anyway? The docs keep sayin’ there’s nothin’ wrong with you, so I’m
kinda confused.”
“I’m… restarting,” Yuu said, as if that explained everything. Which it didn’t.
“Eh?”
“My body is used to having the Lotus Spell, but Mugen broke it for me. It needs
to… restart… adapt to the spell being… gone.”
Lavi looked down at his chest, where a small, black marking still marred the
flesh of his left breast. Thankfully, he was wearing an Exorcist jacket here
(though he was currently clothed in a pair of sweatpants and a loose-fitting
shirt, not that he cared). Yuu shot him a curious look, but Lavi just smiled up
at him.
“Well, just concentrate on restarting, then, and I’ll be there when you wake
up. Anything I can do to help with the silence?”
“You could… read,” Yuu suggested, looking away. Lavi squeezed their intertwined
hands.
“Whatcha want me to read?” He asked.
“Che. Whatever you have, I don’t care.”
Lavi nodded. Yuu tensed again.
“Who is that?” He asked, pointing with his right hand to the other side of the
clearing. A girl with blonde hair and sapphire blue eyes that shown as if they
were lit up by the sun was walking toward them. It was light inside the
clearing, but there was nothing bright enough to create such an effect. But she
was Sarah, after all, and Love always had shining eyes.
“Oh, that’s Sarah. She’s Noah’s Love.”
“Ah,” Yuu grunted. The girl stopped in front of them, leaning down and touching
Mugen. Her face abruptly broke out into a stormy, almost sad expression.
“No, no, no, not good. Three years is too long!” She exclaimed. Leaning forward
and still touching Yuu’s blade, she kissed the dark-haired man on the forehead.
Smiling, she ran off until she was gone.
Yuu stared after the girl, still tensed from the sudden contact. “What the
fuck?” He asked, and Lavi shook his head, not knowing the answer. He looked
down at Yuu’s lap. Mugen was nearly transparent. The Japanese man stared at it
as if he had never seen his trusty blade before. He closed his eyes for a
moment, and when they re-opened, he looked directly into Lavi’s eye.
“I’ll wake up in a week,” he said simply. Lavi’s mouth opened as he gaped at
his lover.
“Come again?” He asked, mouth dry.
“I’ll try to wake up sooner, but a week at the latest,” Yuu repeated.
Lavi doubled over as his body’s stomach rebelled. “I’ve gotta go,” he choked
out. Yuu released his hand. “Love ya.”
He thought he heard a similar response, but he was back in the real world,
retching all over Allen’s shoes—what was this, the seventh time?—the stench of
the disinfectant tickling his nose. Lenalee helped him to his feet and sat him
back into the chair he had somehow vacated.
“What happened, Lavi?” Lenalee asked with a concerned note to her voice.
“Yuu will wake up in a week,” Lavi said weakly as he wiped his mouth off and
Allen shot him a disgusted look. “Can you grab me a book, Lenalee?”
The Chinese girl nodded and walked over to his side of the room. “Which one?”
She asked.
“Whichever is on top,” Lavi clarified, coughing. When he wiped his hand over
his mouth again, he saw red once more. Grimacing, he grabbed Lenalee’s
proffered book.
“Ne, Yuu-chan, I’m gonna read you A Tale of Two Cities. Ahem. ‘It was the best
of times; it was the worst of times…’”
Yuu’s hand twitched as Lavi read, and the redhead felt his heart swell with
each tiny movement.
---
June 2, 2014, 11:41 PM—Hospital in London
Lavi felt a rough shaking beneath him and sat up, prying his eye open. He’d
fallen asleep on Yuu’s chest without meaning to. The nurse would have his head.
But at the moment, he couldn’t bring himself to care. Yuu was staring up at
him, his deep black eyes nearly unfocused with disuse. It was, quite possibly,
the best sight Lavi had laid eye on in the past several months.
“Yuu?” He asked. “You’re awake?”
“Rabi, stop beeping,” Yuu whispered in Japanese, his voice raspy.
“You’re eighteen minutes and fifty-eight seconds early,” Lavi said quietly. The
corners of Yuu’s mouth lifted up in a slight smile, his atrophied muscles not
allowing any further movement. There was a soft, croaky chuckle that originated
somewhere in Yuu’s chest and came creaking out his mouth.
“You would know the exact time,” Yuu mumbled softly, coughing. Lavi leaned back
and pressed the nurse’s call button.
He couldn’t hold Yuu’s hand—he had MRSA at the moment—but he could look down at
his lover and revel in the fact that he could now hear the voice he’d thought
he’d never hear again.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“Baka Usagi,” Yuu grumbled, lifting his arm shakily. “You’re still beeping.”
Lavi rolled his eye. “That’s the heart monitor, Yuu-chan, not me,” he said
exasperatedly.
“Tired…” Yuu mumbled, closing his eyes again. His arm was still outstretched,
as if seeking something.
“You’ll wake up again, right?” Lavi asked hurriedly. Yuu’s searching hand found
Lavi’s, and even though the redhead could barely bend his, their fingers
intertwined for the first time in months. He smiled.
“Of course.” It was a simple, decisive answer, and Lavi couldn’t help but trust
it, his heart purring in contentment.
“Sleep well, then,” Lavi whispered, still smiling.
“Aishiteru,” Yuu mumbled, and then he was gone. Lavi closed his eye, leaning
back against Yuu’s chest. His world seemed much brighter and much, much warmer.
It would be an uphill struggle for good health, but it would be easier now that
Yuu was awake.
End Notes
     A/N: Hey, everybody! We got a request to post this here, although
     there will be chapters later that won't be appropriate (they'll be
     posted on LJ and/or affnet--we will also have summaries). This story
     is going to get very, VERY dark and angsty, so if you don't like
     that, you probably shouldn't read this. Even we didn't know how dark
     this would get--it surprised the hell out of us. Also, we've included
     a list of new characters and their Innocence so you won't get
     completely confused. Anyway, enjoy reading!
     THE EXORCISTS
      
     -From_the_Past_(5)
      
     Lenalee Lee
     Allen Walker
     Kanda Yu(u)
     Lavi
     Miranda Lotto
      
     -Current-day_(18)
      
     Generals: (3…5)
     (Allen Walker, TBA—to be added) parasite, left arm
     (Lenalee Lee, TBA) crystal, dark boots
     Tamas Varga (male, Hungarian, 37) diamond, machete
     Tuan Chu (male, Vietnamese, 25) diamond, machine gun
     Cyrah Kabbah (female, African, 43) diamond, whip
     Main Branch: (5) head: Patrick Smith
     Amanda Colten (female, American, 16) diamond, discus
     Darcy “Mr. Darcy,” “Darce” O’Connell (male, Irish, 21) diamond,
     cutlass
     Elliott Manson (male, British, 13) diamond, bazooka
     Artemis Papathanos (female, Greek, 19) diamond, bow and arrows
     Lolek Sadowski (male, Polish, 35) parasite, gauntlets (9/23)
      
     American Branch: (3)
      
     Michel Benoit (male, Canadian, 46) parasite, hand becomes chainsaw
     Hok’ee – Navajo, “abandoned” (male, American Indian, 38) diamond,
     spear
     Krista Harris (female, American, 12) parasite, wings and claws/talons
      
     Asian Branch: (4)
      
     *Vikram Maitra (male, Indian, 24) diamond, prayer beads
     Sasaki Emiko (first name) –From Hokkaido (female, Japanese, 21)
     diamond, nun chucks & shuriken
     Choon-yei Lang (female, Korean, 57) diamond, Dangpa (three-pronged
     spear)
     Bak Chan III (male, Chinese, 22) diamond, Tai Chi sword
      
     Australian Branch: (1)
      
     Justin Treverton (male, Australian, 15) parasite, Koala (named
     Siegfried)
      
     South American Branch: (2)
      
     Maya Reyes (female, Mexican, 29) diamond, flaming sword (earns her
     the nickname Gabriel)
     Rodrigo Pereira (male, Brazilian, 42) diamond, guitar (whaps sound
     waves at the Akuma)
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