Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4638951.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con,
      Underage
  Category:
      Gen
  Fandom:
      黄金の太陽_|_Golden_Sun_Series
  Character:
      Sclater_|_Kraden, Babi_(Golden_Sun), Alex_(Golden_Sun)
  Additional Tags:
      Childhood_Sexual_Abuse, Abuse_of_Authority, Suicidal_Thoughts, Natural
      Disasters, Murder, Rape_Aftermath, Heavy_Angst
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-08-23 Chapters: 2/2 Words: 13440
****** Ingratitude ******
by Rozzlynn
Summary
     Lord Babi persuades the Mercury Clan to visit Tolbi in the aftermath
     of a great fire, and demonstrates how not to treat one's servants and
     guests. Many years later, the past catches up with him, and with
     those who knew him, placing Kraden in a difficult position. Vengeance
     is the least of Alex's priorities, but it still holds a certain
     appeal.
Notes
     First posted on the gs kink meme, following an attempt to find the
     wrongest prompt anyone could suggest. Apparently, people were
     expecting something cracky, rather than something so serious and
     angsty, but it was well received as what it is.
     In case it's not clear from the tags and rating, this fic includes
     childhood sexual abuse and other potential triggers.
***** Ingratitude *****
The streets to the west of Tolbi Palace were still piled high with debris, and
though they had been cleared of all the bodies that could be found in the days
immediately following the fire, anyone could tell by the stench that there were
certainly more to be found. Babi breathed a sigh of relief when he finally
reached the edge of the reconstruction efforts. As he made his way to the
healers' marquee, he took the time to stop and greet all those who approached
him; to offer his sympathies, to congratulate them on their hard work and
solidarity in the midst of such a difficult time, and a myriad other
platitudes.
The Mercury Clan had made it to Tolbi within a few days of the disaster, and
nobody could thank them enough for responding so quickly to their messages.
Kraden's carrier pigeon had been the first to reach Imil, and Babi couldn't be
more proud that his protégé’s excellence had saved lives; it had given him one
more reason to praise him. Babi knew he asked a lot from Kraden, and a generous
helping of praise seemed to work wonders at helping him deal with his lot in
life.
When Sofia and Victor had first arrived with their family in tow, they'd found
Tolbi in a state of ordered chaos, and they'd spent the first night and day
working without rest, using up a psy crystal every few hours as they healed the
better part of the population of their injuries. In the meantime, their spouses
had joined the Sanctum's workers in changing dressings, preparing food,
filtering through the wreckage, and watching over the children too young to
help with the work outside. Now that the worst of the crisis was over, Babi had
it on good faith that the Adepts had started sleeping and washing again, and
he'd decided it was high time he paid them another visit.
As soon as he entered the marquee, Babi was able to see the difference Imil's
miracle-workers had made in a scant few days. Last time he'd been here, the
place had been packed wall to wall with those most in need of attention. This
time, Sofia and her brother were seated on a couple of low stools near the
entrance, from which they were treating a steady trickle of patients for
exhaustion, heat stroke, and the odd minor accident. Victor's wife, Nadya, was
sitting near the back, cradling her daughter in her lap while she wet nursed
another child. Over in the corner, it looked like Sofia's husband, Nikol, was
lending one of the Sanctum staff a shoulder to cry on, while their young son
was helping the others prepare herbs for a fresh batch of medicine. The boy
looked up as Babi headed over to speak to his mother and uncle, and Babi
flashed him a quick smile.
Sofia sent her current patient on his way with a squeeze of his hand and a
blown kiss, the buoyant cheer in her eyes immediate evidence of the resilience
and goodwill that so many of his citizens were describing as a lifeline through
these most troubled days.
"Can I help you, my lord?" Sofia asked, sounding every bit as gracious and
composed as she had on the day they'd arrived.
"I should be the one asking that question. After all you've done, can I ever
hope to repay you?" Babi replied, stepping out of the way as Victor's last
patient set off with a respectful nod in his direction.
"We are doing what anyone here would do, if they only had the means," Victor
assured him. While his voice matched his sister's in sincerity and warmth, the
sorrow of these last few days appeared to have more of a hold on him; there was
a tiredness to his eyes as he glanced over at Nadya and little Mia. Though he
couldn't exactly relate, Babi supposed having a young daughter to look after
would be enough to shake almost any man into a fresh appreciation of the
dangers and woes of the world.
"You might at least admit that you have travelled a long way, and given of
yourselves more thoroughly than I could ever have imagined. Before you leave,
you must allow us to show you all the hospitality we can muster. I would be
honoured if you would join us for dinner at the palace tonight." Babi held up
his hands to forestall any complaints. "The food will not be substantially
different to that served anywhere else in town, but my staff are keen to meet
you, and I'd say you deserve to take a turn at sleeping in a proper bed."
"Thank you. We'll be there." Victor sounded genuinely touched by the offer. He
looked away for a moment, then met his gaze again with a laugh that hinted at
the depths of his exhaustion. "Honestly, we could use a chance to rest up
before the journey home. I think Sergey and the others can handle things around
here. If there's an emergency tonight..."
"They'll know where to find us. The palace isn't all that far from here," Sofia
agreed, looking slightly lost in thought. "We should think about heading back
tomorrow, shouldn't we? I'm sure Maria's holding the fort just fine, but
still..."
Her son came over to listen, standing on tip-toe to lean his head against hers
as he wrapped his arms round her shoulders.
"Hear that, my lovely?" Sofia asked, reaching up to ruffle his hair. "We're
going out for dinner tonight. Isn't that exciting?"
Alex nodded, the movement ruffling her hair in return. When he thought of
something, his eyes widened slightly, and he turned to her to voice his
concerns. "We haven't finished the salve yet. I said I'd show them how to make
it properly."
"Would another hour or so give you enough time to finish?" Babi asked the boy,
who met his gaze and nodded. "In that case, I'll send someone to pick you up at
seven," he told them, shifting eye contact back to the child's relatives. "Now,
don't let me keep you. I seem to have jumped the queue here..."
The healers laughed and waved him away as he left them to their work. The
Adepts of the Mercury Clan were almost as elegant as the Lemurians, all of them
tall, pale and lean, but there was a determination about these people which set
them apart from anyone he'd met on that dratted island. The Lemurians could
certainly be called pillars of strength, in their own way, but he couldn't
imagine them accomplishing so much so swiftly, with no hint of complaint or
bureaucracy.
When he'd first learned of the Mercury Clan, he'd assumed they were Lemurians
who'd left their homeland behind at one point or another – and perhaps that was
true, or vice versa, but only if the migration had happened countless
generations ago. He'd made a few initial enquiries without giving too much
away, and they hadn't been able to tell him anything of much use. They could
have sailed his ship, if they'd been willing to enter into his service, but
apparently their lives were sworn to their duties in Imil, and there was
absolutely no chance that any of them would ever leave that life behind; they
had never even deigned to visit him here until they'd gotten wind of the
current disaster.
After scouring the continent and beyond for clues to the route back to Lemuria,
Babi was fairly certain that the Mercury Clan was the only other group of
Adepts left on the face of Weyard. He hadn't given up hope of running into real
Lemurians – surely they didn't own all those ships for nothing – and he
certainly hadn't given up hope that his own people would prove themselves.
Right now, though, getting Tolbi back on its feet was everyone's main concern,
and by speeding that up, the Clan was proving itself invaluable after all. The
fact that they'd agreed to spend the night under his roof was a bonus; it
didn't look like he would have any trouble making the most of their visit
tonight.
===============================================================================

Kraden lifted the hood of the fume cupboard to clear up the burned remains of
his last batch of experiments, immensely cheered by the promising results he'd
gotten from the upholstery samples doused in formulas J6 and L19.
It was a relief to be back at work; he hadn't been allowed to take dinner in
the labs today, thanks to the Mercury Clan's visit. Not that he'd have minded
so much, if he'd been able to speak to them himself. The hall had been packed
to bursting, though, and he'd been stuck over at the other end of the main
table, unable to even make out much of the conversation over the music. Perhaps
that was what he got for cutting his arrival rather fine (not that he'd been
late; he would never dare be late), but he really shouldn't be expected to step
away from his work for so long. People weren't going to wait for him to finish
before they started rebuilding their homes; if he wanted to make a real
difference to his city's future, every hour was of the essence. When Nadya had
taken the children upstairs to get some rest, the others had finally retired to
the parlour for drinks, and he had been permitted to take his leave.
Kraden sat down at his desk to record the last half hour's work, and barely
managed to put quill to paper before the door opened to admit another blasted
interruption. When Lord Babi walked in, Kraden swallowed his irritation and
rose to his feet. He would probably have to swallow a whole lot more than that
in a minute, but he would also have the chance to report on his work and
request that more of his associates were delegated to this project, and wasn't
that what really mattered?
"How are the flame retardants coming along?" Babi asked, casting a curious eye
over his equipment.
"Very well, my Lord. Exceedingly well, I might dare to say. I've come up with
several varieties which might prove useful in resin production and timber
treatment. We'll have to provide samples to the guilds for the final stages of
quality testing. As for soft furnishings and - "
"Interesting. I'll read your full report later," Babi interrupted, resting a
hand lightly on his shoulder.
"Yes, my Lord." Kraden sighed and knelt before him. His duties weren't all as
pleasant as his studies, but they were a part of his life all the same, as
inevitable as death and taxes. He untied his Lord's robes and took him into his
mouth, aiming for a fast pace at first, until he felt Babi's fingers drumming
at his shoulder in warning. When he slowed down, Babi hummed his approval and
started to slide his lab coat down his shoulders.
A knock at the door interrupted them; Kraden sat back on his heels while Babi
went to answer it, making himself presentable en route.
"Thank you, Annika. That will be all."
Kraden looked up when he heard Babi addressing one of the housekeeping staff;
he'd more expected it to be one of his colleagues dropping something off, or
something along those lines. The door wasn't open very wide, and he couldn't
see into the corridor from this angle. His heart sank after a second, as he saw
the boy from dinner follow Lord Babi into the room.
Alex glanced around, stared at Kraden for a heartbeat, then tried to bolt back
through the door. Babi caught his arm and swung him round as he kicked the door
closed, then shoved him up against it, twisting his arm behind his back.
"I've just gotten over a bout of CBD. You could still catch it if you - "
"Little liar." Babi slapped him, then continued unbuttoning the back of his
tunic.
"What makes you think I'm lying?" Alex asked, thoroughly indignant.
"Nikol has just been telling us how well you've been doing in your studies
lately. These last few weeks in particular." Babi paused to stroke the boy's
free arm, letting his hand linger over his slender little wrist. "He couldn't
be more proud of you."
Alex let out a slow breath, slumping slightly against the door. His voice was
soft and distant when he spoke again, staring dead ahead. "Thank you, father."
"He'll be asleep soon. Your mother, too. This ought to go without saying, but
if you want your family to make it out of Tolbi alive, you'd better think twice
before giving me any trouble."
Alex nodded silently, the last dregs of colour draining from his face. To the
best of Kraden's knowledge, Babi had never entirely followed through on this
sort of threat. It often kept people quiet, for what it was worth, but he'd
never seen any child manage to put up much of a fight either way.
Sometimes, when Kraden threw himself into his work and managed to communicate
its importance and urgency, Babi would avoid taking up too much of his time
with other matters. It wasn't as if Kraden wanted to be let off lightly at
anyone else's expense. On the contrary, he would sleep a great deal easier if
Babi never turned to anyone but him. Nevertheless, now that his Lord had set
his sights on something younger for tonight, Kraden couldn't pass up any chance
of minimising his involvement. After struggling to find the best way to phrase
things, Kraden spoke up, hating himself already.
"May I ask how long this is expected to take? You know I am always at your
service, but with another evening's worth of solid progress, I could have the
entire - "
"Honestly, Kraden. Any fool knows to mix work with play."
Kraden knew better than to protest that the two were one and the same to him.
Babi carried the boy over, brushing past him and laying his burden down none
too gently on the desk. When Babi's hand nudged his head down impatiently,
Kraden worked his robes open again and swallowed him down as deeply as he
could, pulling out all the stops for the sake of getting this over with. Babi
didn't slow him down this time.
Every so often, Kraden heard a quiet gasp or hitched breath from the desk
above.
He could feel very clearly that Babi was close to his limit by the time he dug
his fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck and pulled him back. Kraden
closed his eyes and caught his breath, remembering the time a few years ago –
more than a few years ago now, in fact – when Babi had arbitrarily told him to
grow his hair out until it reached at least shoulder length. Kraden had
fervently made the case that this would be an inconvenience in the labs, and
Babi had relented and given him permission to keep his hair short.
The small victories meant everything, on the good days.
Babi kept pulling until Kraden fumbled his way back into the chair behind him.
He slid Kraden's coat down his arms until it was bunched round his wrists, then
hooked his arms over the back of the chair. Kraden leaned back to ease the
strain on his shoulders. Babi pulled his shirt free of his breeches, undid his
fly buttons with one hand and started stroking him, rough and efficient as
usual. As soon as Kraden was half hard, Babi turned his attention back to the
boy.
Kraden risked opening his eyes in time to see Babi lift Alex from the desk. The
poor boy was still white as a sheet, and already blotched with marks and
slicked with oil. Babi settled Alex on Kraden's lap; the servant and the guest
locked eyes for a moment, mutually horrified, until Kraden turned away, staring
down at the floorboards as he felt his face burn with shame. Babi started
groping between them, pushing him inside the boy, and it was all Kraden could
do to keep quiet, choking down his body's reactions to the misery and the heat.
It seemed silence was beyond Alex; he could hear him grinding his teeth and
still letting slip a pained gasp or whimper with every movement. Once he was
inside, he felt Babi shove the boy against his chest; he stayed huddled there,
leaning against him and all but sobbing, even when Babi stepped back.
"Go on. Ride him. Don't just sit there, stupid boy..."
Alex pushed himself upright, leaning his hands on Kraden's shoulders. His
pained sounds gradually subdued as he found his way into a shallow rhythm.
Kraden dared to glance at him, wondering how this child was managing so much
better than most. Looking up was a mistake; he was crying as he moved, eyes
glazed over, tears streaming down his face.
It wasn't as if Kraden had found this any easier than him, when he'd been that
age. Still, it had been different. Babi had given him everything – he'd rescued
him from poverty, fed him, clothed him, nurtured his interests and his talents,
and promised him a future of safety and intellectual fulfilment in his service.
He'd told himself over and over that Babi had every right to take something in
return, even on the nights he'd cried himself hoarse.
Most citizens of Tolbi were free to move away if they pleased; the law was set
up to benefit one man above all others, and not everyone could get along with
that fact, even if they were given plenty of opportunity to thrive within the
city's hierarchy. The one time Kraden had tried to run away, though, he'd been
dragged back to Tolbi by the army and publicly whipped in front of the fountain
– and that had been before he'd come of age, back when his Lord had been more
forgiving of his mistakes. Kraden very much doubted he could leave Tolbi alive
today – without Babi's permission, at least. When he turned his mind to the
relative poverty of every other settlement he'd been given reason to visit, and
tried to picture himself getting by as a weathered farmer, or a shrill
merchant, or a weary healer watching over a sickroom, exiled from everything
he'd ever known and loved, the pursuit of Alchemy to which he'd dedicated his
mind and soul.... He couldn't even deny to himself that he was glad, in a way,
that he would never have to make that choice. For the longest time, he'd told
himself that he was getting used to his duties, though he hadn't truly been
able to believe it until the next time Babi had wanted to watch him with
another boy; that was the day he'd realised he really was coping better in
comparison. Nowadays, he was long past feeling anything much when he was alone
with his Lord, but nights like this were another matter. He never felt so
ashamed as when it was his body hurting someone. When his unspoken orders left
him feeling like dirt right down to the core, he still desperately wished, even
after all these years, that he might somehow, someday, have a say in who he
shared himself with.
Alex shuddered to a halt, slumping against his chest again. Kraden couldn't
tell whether he was exhausted, blanking out, or simply in too much pain to go
on. Babi straddled the chair behind Alex, and the boy clenched his fists in
Kraden's shirt, whimpering again, and outright screaming when Babi forced his
way inside him. Kraden wondered why Babi was in such a brutal mood tonight,
before succumbing to the friction, letting the sensation itself distance him
from its cause.
He was sweating by the time his Lord came. Dragging himself back to his senses,
he swore in his mind, though not aloud. He'd hoped to finish first, to leave
the child with one less intrusion to weather. Babi couldn't have insisted that
he stay in once he was soft. As he cooled off slightly, he became very
uncomfortably aware of the blood pooling in his lap. Heaving a satisfied sigh,
Babi rested his weight against them for a few moments. Kraden rather wished
he'd hurry up and heal the boy.
Instead, when Babi pulled out, he sat back and gripped Alex by the hips,
running his thumbs over his skin. Alex mewled and lifted his hand in a weak
gesture of protest. Babi caught his hand and placed it back on Kraden's
shoulder.
"You're not finished until he is," Babi promised, leaning in to speak in Alex's
ear.
Kraden wished he could have complained that this was spectacularly unfair.
He knew too well that it would only make things worse.
Instead, he closed his eyes and tried to relax by working out the digits of pi
from scratch. He skated through the first few terms of the arctan series
formula, gradually getting into the calculation in earnest...
Curling forward as he moaned, Kraden accidentally headbutted Alex while Babi
was kissing his neck, though it took him a few foggy seconds to piece this
together afterwards.
"I suppose we should leave it there," Babi sighed, rising to his feet. "I still
have a thousand things to do tonight..."
Kraden blinked as Babi lifted Alex from his lap and set him on his feet. The
boy crumpled as soon as Babi let go. Wholly ignoring him, Babi rifled through
the desk drawer.
After taking a few deep, shaky breaths, Alex started glowing faintly with white
light. It faded after a few seconds. Alex took a few more long, slow breaths,
drawing himself together, then tried again.
Kraden counted almost a dozen heartbeats before the light faded. Alex's face
was, perhaps, an ever so slightly less deathly shade than before, but he made
no move to get up from the floor. When he spoke, his voice came out in a flat
whisper.
"It still hurts."
"Of course it does," Babi replied scornfully. He finally found a bottle of
potion in the drawer, and turned back to his guest while he opened it. "Here,
now. This should do you a world of good."
Alex's eyes never left the potion as Babi knelt and handed it over. When he
tried to take it, Babi clasped a hand over his wrist.
"What do you say?" Babi asked.
Alex's expression couldn't have been more blank.
"Didn't your parents teach you any manners? I've just given you something. What
do you say?"
"Thank you...?"
"Thank you, what?"
Alex drew another blank. Kraden was fairly sure he could still see blood
building up on the floor.
"My Lord, surely this isn't necessary..." Kraden protested.
Alex's eyes flickered across to Kraden, then back to Babi. "Thank you, my
Lord..."
"There you go. That wasn't so hard, was it?"
Babi released Alex's wrist, and he finally managed to manoeuvre most of the
potion into his mouth. A fair bit of it spilled onto the floor. Alex half-
closed his eyes and laid there for a while, letting the expensive medicine kick
in. His gaze eventually flicked back to the spilled potion. He seemed to
struggle with himself for a moment, then started trying to scoop it up and lick
it from his fingers. Kraden looked away in embarrassment, but he could
understand the boy's desperation. There was hardly going to be any more where
that came from, at a time like this.
Though Babi had headed over to a doorway at the back of the lab, he paused
before leaving, and laughed slightly at the sight of them. "Run along when
you're ready, Alex. Be sure to pass on my warmest regards to your family, so
that you might all make it safely back to Imil."
Once the door closed behind Lord Babi, Kraden finally felt safe to free his
arms from his coat and do up his breeches, ruined though they were.
Alex was still lying on the floor. Kraden draped the coat over him.
"There's a washroom through there," Kraden explained. "It opens onto the
corridor from the other side. He never takes long. The door on this side
doesn't lock, but the lab door does. I'm not the only one with a key, but,
well, I can wait here and make sure nobody else comes through."
"Unless Lord Babi comes back," Alex replied. His voice was still flat.
Kraden didn't reply that it was very unlikely he would return for them tonight.
After all, that wasn't Alex's point.
If he could have said something to make it better, he would have. If Alex were
in the same position that he'd been in all those years ago, he could have told
him that "it gets better", or "I'll watch your back", or "Sasha will sneak you
the most treats, out of all the cooks", or picked one of any number of other
useful things to say. But Alex didn't need to know that it could get easier,
eventually. Alex was never going to go through this again. Poor little Alex was
going to go home with a pair of living, breathing, loving parents...
It made no sense to gaze down at a battered child lying curled up on the floor
and feel anything remotely resembling envy. Kraden had always gotten through by
counting his blessings. He was living a life he couldn't give up, because he'd
been raised by someone who had given him everything; someone who had cared for
him, deep down, no matter how strict he had been; someone who'd only ever loved
him too much. Seeing it from the outside looking in, Kraden had to conclude
that there was no love involved in any of this. The more he tried to tell
himself that he had been different, the less he believed it. On days like
today, it was harder than ever to convince himself that he could still make
sense of his life.
Little Alex was doing a particularly excellent job of pointing out his
failings. All Kraden knew for sure, then and there, was that he couldn't hate
him for it. One could only sink so low.
"… There should be plenty of hot water, I believe, at this time of day. Would
you like me to fold your clothes...?"
===============================================================================

As he returned to his chambers, Lord Babi wondered what to do about the Mercury
Clan. It really was a shame that they'd refused to aid him until now; their
powers had worked wonders for Tolbi, but there was no way to keep them all on
as permanent assets. The grown Adepts could probably have overpowered his
entire army even before the fire. Besides, only his loyal servants could be
expected to sail off in his most valuable possession and return with whatever
cargo he requested.
Mia was young enough that if something terrible were to happen to her family,
she would never even remember them. Alex was a little older than Kraden had
been when he'd taken him in, but still, that boy seemed pliant enough. Babi
could already imagine them as Tolbi's brightest stars, after a decade or two of
the right sort of upbringing...
In the meantime, of course, they wouldn't be as useful as their parents. If
another disaster struck Tolbi any time within the next few years, Sofia and
Victor might be able to help out again, but Alex and Mia wouldn't be good for
much more than warming his bed.
He would wait a while, then, before making up his mind. If Sofia and her clan
remained willing to answer his summons in times of need, their lives might not
be forfeit after all.
===============================================================================

"Remind me again what we're doing in Tolbi," Karst muttered, glaring at the
civilians who were giving her and Agatio the evil eye.
"That would be telling." Alex smiled and continued on toward the palace.
"That's your answer to everything," Agatio grumbled.
"Is it?" Alex asked mildly, ignoring Karst's attempts to glare daggers at him.
"Fuck off," Agatio replied, falling back on a meaningless response of his own.
They were in Tolbi because Babi had been useful alive, the first time around,
and he would now be more useful dead. Alex had never gone out of his way to
return here; he'd had better things to do. Nor was he expecting to achieve
anything personal from this trip; what was past was past, and no longer subject
to change. He based all of his decisions on their future implications.
Alex had decided long ago to take control of all that he could in this life,
and to refuse to take the rest to heart.
People were already suspicious of his group after the fuss they'd caused in the
area around Lalivero, but not everyone who'd fought them had made it back to
Tolbi. Not everyone who'd returned to Tolbi had disseminated clear
descriptions. Not everyone who'd heard their descriptions would link them to
him and Felix instantly and without doubt. After all, his family had a rather
different and more long-standing reputation in this city. If he wanted to
dissuade Felix from straying too extensively from the mission, then it was high
time he destroyed his own good name.
All in a good cause, of course.
There were two guards outside the palace. He recognised one.
"Sergey? Is that you?"
"… Alex? That's... what are you doing here?"
"It is you, isn't it?" Alex asked cheerfully, unbuckling the man's helmet.
Sergey flailed around a little, then let him remove it.
"Of course it's me. When did you get so big?"
"When did you leave the Sanctum?"
"A while ago now. The pay was, ah, you know how it is. When did you get into
the area? You know, there's been some business out across the Suhalla - "
"You'll have to fill me in later. I'm here to see Lord Babi."
"Do you have an appointment?" The other guard asked, without quite daring to
step in his way.
"Do I need one?"
"Of course not," Sergey answered. "Don't be daft. Uh, those two...?"
"They're with me."
"No, he's with us."
"Karst, my dear, what exactly is the difference?"
"I'll show you the difference any time."
"If you'll all please come this way...?"
===============================================================================

Babi looked old.
That was to be expected.
Alex sat down by the bed. The Proxians seemed content to loiter by the wall.
Iodem and a handful of guards looked on warily. As well they should.
He sat in silence for a few minutes, reminding himself that he couldn't expect
this to change anything.
When Babi stirred in his sleep, Alex cast enough healing Psynergy to wake him,
though not enough to grant him any strength. His eyes opened. Alex leaned over
and smiled.
"We came here to help you."
Babi's eyes widened. Alex felt his bitter smile deepen.
"No thanks required."
Babi truly looked terrified.
Alex sat back in his chair and clasped his patient's hand before freezing his
blood in his veins. It only took a second. He let the ice build up, even after
the heart had stopped, until the skin glinted with frost. When he melted it
again, the body sunk in on itself, looking quite thoroughly dead. Babi had only
looked half dead beforehand. He'd arrived in time to make a difference.
"...What did you do?" Iodem broke the shocked silence.
Alex smirked. "What do you mean, what did I do? I sat with Lord Babi during his
final moments. Did I not tell you that I was here to pay my respects?"
"But... his skin..." Iodem choked out.
"That happens sometimes," Alex assured him, smiling irrepressibly.
"No it doesn't!"
"Sure it does," Agatio added, grinning wolfishly himself. There was no history
there, as far as Alex was aware; he seemed to be enjoying this for its own
sake.
"...GUARDS!"
"I suppose it is time we were leaving..."
Alex grabbed the others and hastily warped them out. They shook free of his
grip as soon as they materialised outside the building.
"Well, that was fun. What was the point again?" Karst asked, drawing her
scythe.
"You will see soon enough. There is really no need to linger - "
"Nobody's asking you to stay. I'm going to give these punks something to
remember us by," Karst sneered, shoving him aside.
"Damn right," Agatio muttered.
Alex spared a glance for the troops filing out of the palace. He asked himself
whether he could talk the Proxians out of this, and whether it would be worth
winding them up by removing them forcefully. They weren't out to slaughter
everyone around them; when they got into fights like this, they were only
looking to stretch their legs and instil a healthy respect for the Mars Clan
into their opponents. Tolbi's finest surely knew how to retreat. He would
certainly have a hard time travelling with these two if he jerked their lead
needlessly.
"Enjoy yourselves, then. I'll see you back on the ship." Alex warped out of the
way, leaving his companions to their brawl.
If he warped over to the other side of town, he would have time to take a walk
and catch up on other news before the word spread.
They had better press on and catch up with Felix's party again soon. He was
going to be the one to break the news to Kraden. He couldn't wait to see how he
would react.
It was probably only because he'd gone in with such low expectations that this
task had proved so satisfying after all.
***** Self-Possession *****
Chapter Notes
     Thanks again to Lin for beta reading the second chapter.
I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm dead...
The words pounded through Kraden's head in time with his footsteps and his
frantic heartbeat as he stumbled after the others through the woods. Menardi
was leading the way, turning on the rest of them with a slew of invectives
whenever she had to check her pace. Felix was chivvying Jenna along; the
tension between them was getting more and more palpable the longer they went
without a chance to talk. Saturos was following behind them all, keeping an eye
on the group, and a half-familiar face kept dropping back to talk to him. Their
muttering was inaudible to Kraden. His mind couldn't help but fill in the gaps.
He'd begged them to let Jenna go, to take only him. Perhaps it wasn't such a
surprise that they'd refused; the people of Vale wouldn't go half as far for a
foolish old man as they would for one of their own. Saturos and Menardi surely
appreciated the same concept that Alex remembered: family members made the best
hostages.
When Mt. Aleph erupted, Menardi signalled to the group to stop and wait it out
beneath the barrier that she and Saturos hastily summoned. Deafened by the
cacophony so close by, the leaders stared up along with the others to watch the
sky fall.
If he hadn't turned those two away earlier, he could have gotten on their right
side, and he wouldn't have gotten his students involved. Once they were
finished with him, they might even have put a limit on whatever their companion
had planned. Though Kraden didn't get the impression Alex paid their orders
much heed...
All things considered, he should have turned Saturos and Menardi away, told his
students to go home and stay indoors, and used his last hours to plant false
information in his journals. These people would certainly have come back for
him, knowing who he was and where he lived. He might have been able to mislead
them into trekking halfway across the world for some imaginary pre-requisite
trinket. They might never have made it back to Vale. He'd been naïve to think
he might be able to set out with his students and bring the elemental stars
back home for study. Perhaps he was being naïve now in hoping Felix would be
able to keep Jenna safe and sound.
Menardi and Saturos would no doubt try to obtain whatever information they
could from him. He'd refused to talk earlier, and he'd opened the way through
Sol Sanctum. Though they had accused him of stealing their information, they
were probably still under the impression he knew something more. Those ruffians
would have a thousand ways to make him talk, and they wouldn't believe him if
he told them in all honesty that he knew nothing more, that he had made it
through the ruins on instinct, and that he was in far over his head. Alex might
believe him, but he certainly wouldn't care; hadn't he insisted that they take
him because he was already connected to this whole affair, letting the others
interpret that as they wished? Alex would wait until his companions had given
up on extracting anything useful before taking over, and they wouldn't care
what he did to him by that point; he was worthless as a hostage, as long as
they had Jenna, worthless as an informant, worthless as a teacher, worthless as
a responsible adult... It was too late now to take the end of his life into his
own hands and die painlessly, or to take a stand and die for a better cause.
Whatever happened next, he couldn't even deny that he probably deserved it, but
still, he wished...

===============================================================================

Mt. Aleph's protests died down all too soon. Kraden was at once marginally
relieved and immensely remorseful when he noticed that Jenna had been crying
too. The thieves were already setting up camp beneath the trees, unpacking
food, bedrolls and maps. Felix was trying to talk to Jenna; Kraden couldn't
hear what was said, with his blood still pounding in his ears, but he saw Jenna
turn away, biting her lip. Felix knelt and clasped her hand. Jenna turned back
to him, her eyes wide and strange, then looked away again and nodded. Kraden
had never entirely gotten the hang of lip reading, but he managed to make out
the words 'just listen' in that conversation, on Felix's side, and 'thank you',
repeated, near the end.
"We're going to go talk," Felix told the others, standing up without letting go
of his sister's hand. His gaze faltered beneath the leaders' stares. "If that's
okay with you..."
Menardi let the silence drag on to painful lengths before she gave him an
answer. "You can talk here."
"But..." Felix stopped as he looked around, and seemed to take in his
surroundings. "Oh. Right. I... right."
Jenna ducked her head away from the others when Felix resumed their hushed
conversation.
"Thus the teary reunion begins," Alex observed, receiving only a curt nod from
Menardi in reply. He turned his gaze upon her and Saturos as he continued with
a question, his tone betraying no strong preference one way or another. "Why
don't I bring Kraden up to speed?"
"Good idea," Menardi muttered, searching for something in the depths of her
bag.
"Shall I get him out from under your feet for a while?" Alex asked.
"Would you?" Menardi replied, looking up and tucking a few loose strands of
hair behind her ear. She sounded stressed and exhausted. Kraden wondered why he
hadn't noticed that earlier.
"Of course."
So much for letting the leaders interrogate him first. Of course Alex would
settle matters before anyone else could interfere. It would hardly be the end
of the world if he came back from the woods minus one hostage.
Kraden hauled himself to his feet as Alex approached. There was no point
dragging this out or making a scene; he'd surely end up regretting it. Alex
stopped while he was still quite a few feet away. Kraden stared at the Adept's
boots, unable to raise his gaze any higher. He'd grown so much...
Without a word, Alex turned and set off through the trees. Kraden managed to
put one foot in front of the other, fighting back nausea with every step. His
past had caught up with him before, but there would be no chance of rescue this
time, out here in the middle of nowhere. He could only pray that it would be
quick. He'd been worried that Alex might use a second hostage to stage a
recreation of their last meeting, switching up the roles, but if this was the
end of the line then it looked as though he and Jenna were both clear of that
particular threat.
There was, of course, a chance that Alex wasn't going to kill him now. If he
preferred, he could inflict a different revenge every day over the coming
months, and Jenna surely wouldn't stay safe forever... Kraden resolved to take
matters into his own hands if he wound up back at the camp tonight. He was
bound to find a way to die before morning, provided he wasn't picky; he could
keep silent beneath the blankets and bite through his tongue, if it came down
to it. He would only be deceiving himself if he tried to stick around for the
sake of his students after dragging them into this mess. The gods knew if Isaac
and Garet were still alive. He could best place a limit on the suffering he'd
caused Jenna by bowing out and leaving her in the care of her brother. As long
as Alex had nothing against Felix, they would all be safer that way.
Making the decision somewhat settled Kraden's fraying nerves. The most anyone
could do was take responsibility for the choices they made based on the factors
under their control. If he could do that much, then he was not so different
from everyone else.
Lifting his gaze from the steady formation of fresh footsteps on the leaf-
littered ground, Kraden studied the back of Alex's head and wondered whether
he'd have much to say before he wrapped things up. Sometimes, in the aftermath,
people only had questions; other times they preferred to rant and scream
without interruption. If Alex really did want to 'bring him up to speed', then
he might have a certain amount to say, quite possibly without interruption,
though he hadn't been the sort to waste words last time.
The very fact that he intended to accept whatever Alex threw at him might leave
the boy – the young man – with questions. 'If you will die for your sins in the
understanding that it cannot even begin to make things right, then why didn't
you refuse to take part in the first place, even on pain of death?'
If Alex was left with questions of that nature weighing on his mind after
finishing him off, he'd go the rest of his life without answers.
Kraden's mind went to all the questions that he would probably never dare ask
his Lord. Perhaps he had never been loved, but he did not wish to find out. It
would be the death of too much if he were to hear the answers he'd come up with
for himself confirmed. He had long since resigned himself to living in fear and
hope, for as long as the former outweighed the latter.
What sort of words would Alex put in his mouth, if he had to come up with
answers for himself? 'We did it because we felt like it. Who wouldn't? Now
you've caught me, fair game; that's the way the world works. Kill or be killed;
fuck them before they fuck you.' Ah, surely not... He could give the boy – the
young man – better answers than that, ones that were not so likely to weigh on
the heart and twist it out of shape.
Still, it would be out of line to try to explain if Alex didn't want to hear
it. He would only sound as though he was making excuses. Cowardice had always
played a heavy part in his life. He hadn't wanted to die. The trouble was,
there'd been a dearth of brave and noble options to choose from. He'd borne the
brunt of his Lord's desires, and served him alone most nights. If he'd taken
himself out of the picture, he wouldn't have been protecting the others, he'd
have been leaving them to pick up the slack. There had still been all too many
days when he hadn't known what to make of himself, or how to feel about
anything. Of course he'd made efforts to change the status quo, to try to get
out of that situation... With no small measure of relief, Kraden reminded
himself that Alex was here for his life, not his life story.
At last, Alex stopped walking and turned to face him with a cool stare. Worn
out even after this short walk, Kraden leaned against the nearest tree. Such a
long day... Though it might not last much longer... When he realised that it
might fall to him to break the silence, Kraden fumbled for the right words;
he'd never been any good at this sort of thing. What had he come up with last
time? 'Shall I fold your clothes', or something like that? Gods help him...
"You have every right to be angry," Kraden offered, fairly relieved that his
voice wasn't shaking overly much.
"What good would it do to exercise that right?" Alex asked, sounding slightly
bemused.
Kraden took a moment to wrap his head around the question. "I suppose... It
might make you feel better?"
"Feel better?" Alex looked at him askew, and handled the words mildly
disdainfully. "I assure you, I am not ill."
"Oh. Well. Good for you," Kraden replied weakly.
Alex stared as if he was having trouble figuring out quite what the cat had
dragged in.
Kraden cleared his throat and continued with something of a plea for mercy.
"Um. So. Forgive my asking, but what exactly are we doing here?"
"I assumed you would have questions."
"I must admit, I made the same assumption," Kraden replied. After a second, he
looked away; he couldn't stand Alex's slightly blank expression. "You're right,
of course. Ah, where to begin..."
"Take your time."
"What do you intend to do with the Elemental Stars?" Kraden asked, wondering
whether he'd been too hasty to write himself off as powerless in this
situation. Nobody seemed to be in any hurry to torture him to death. Any plan
that hinged on four small gems could be so easily averted, at least in
theory...
"We will use them for nothing more, and nothing less, than their intended
purpose." Was that a ghost of a smile, or was he imagining things?
"Their purpose?" Kraden thought back to Saturos and Menardi's earlier claims
about the Elemental Stars. If those gems really could set the elements in
motion, if they could be used to reinstate the ancient power that had long been
sealed from every continent (except Lemuria, if his Lord's theory was correct),
then this unscrupulous gang had accomplished more in one day than he had even
confirmed possible during his years of peaceful study. Those who carried the
essence of the elements could draw on their power to fuel any worldly ambition,
and could let loose a resurgence of war and strife even without going so far as
to remake the very fabric of the world. It would be a great leap of faith to
believe that they would not abuse the power of the Elemental Stars, but rather
use them as they were meant to be used. "To unseal Alchemy in every land..."
"Did the others not tell you so?"
"I was not sure of the truth of the matter."
"Are you sure now?"
"I... ah, well... I am not sure of anything," Kraden admitted. He knew nothing
of Alchemy compared to these people. As a hostage, he was unlikely to ever be
released to his old life, but he would slow the group down for as long as they
kept hold of him. Since this little excursion into the woods still showed no
sign of descending into a bloodbath, it would be foolish to ask whether Alex
was going to kill him here and now, but he had to wonder... "Am I going to die
before this journey ends?"
"I certainly hope not. Menardi and Saturos will have to navigate many more
obstacles like those in Sol Sanctum before their journey is over. It will not
be possible for me to stay with them and guide them every step of the way. I
expect you will prove to be an invaluable asset. If the others do not make
allowances for your age, please do not hesitate to inform me. I cannot always
persuade them to rethink their decisions, but I will aid you to the best of my
abilities."
It was incredible, almost unbelievable, that they wanted him for something he
could actually offer, his ability to work things out on the fly, and that Alex
should be so concerned with seeing him through this in one piece that he
wouldn't even make his life as difficult as possible in the meantime. Of course
Alex couldn't be expected to be happy about it, and of course he wouldn't offer
any guarantees about afterwards. So why, all things considered, did his heart
sink at this explanation? Feeling rather angry all of a sudden, Kraden failed
to suppress a petulant reply.
"So. I am alive because I am useful."
"Is that so?" Alex asked, tilting his head in thought. "Would Babi have killed
you when you got older if you were not useful in other ways?"
Kraden's breath caught in his throat. He couldn't be expected to do much with
such an eviscerating question. Still, he managed to put his finger on the turn
of phrase that had hit a nerve. Alex expected him to prove his worth as an
'asset', not an 'ally'. Kraden had thought he'd finally gotten away from
everyone who referred to people that way. So close to real consideration, and
yet so far. They had twisted Alex after all. Perhaps it was daft to only feel
certain of it now, considering all the theft and kidnapping. He told himself to
focus on what he knew, the decisions he could make based on the factors under
his control.
"I – I will only cooperate for as long as Jenna remains safe. She should never
have gotten mixed up in this. If you do anything... anything to hurt her..."
Kraden trailed off in renewed confusion when Alex burst into laughter.
"You are warning me not to hurt that child? …Really, Kraden? Really?"
Alex composed himself somewhat, shaking his head and leaving the exasperated
question hanging in the air, while Kraden's mind took a moment to repaint the
landscape once again.
"You needn't fear that I would ever – I have never – she is not – " Kraden
struggled to temper vehemence with an intimate understanding of the reason
irony was capable of striking with such force. "Believe me, I have never been
with anyone of my own accord!"
Even as Alex stilled and regarded him with a contemplative gaze, Kraden
realised he'd shared slightly more than intended. He tried to bluster on, as if
this admission scarcely mattered. "If I am to take your word for...
regarding... our safety... hers and, ah, for the duration of this, this
'mission', as Saturos put it, the question remains, why? Saturos and Menardi,
they seemed to think, or they at least wanted me to believe, that unsealing
Alchemy would allow them to save their homeland. How so? How did you and Felix
get involved? What will become of us all once this is accomplished?"
"Our redoubtable leaders hail from Prox, the land at the northernmost edge of
Weyard. They hope to save it from erosion by Gaia Falls through the power of
Alchemy. When they rescued Felix from the storm in the aftermath of their first
attempt to raid Sol Sanctum, they also secured the means to ensure his
cooperation. I expect he will wish to speak with you later regarding this
matter. Far be it from me to steal his thunder.
Technically, Jenna will be free to leave once we have obtained the Mars Star. I
expect she will wish to travel with her brother even then, in order to see what
he has seen. The Proxians are unlikely to have a problem with this, as it will
leave them with more leverage against Felix. Nevertheless, if she does wish to
return home, I will see to her safety.
You will cooperate with us at every turn, if you wish to see your research come
to fruition. Though your interests may align with ours, please do not allow
yourself to come to the conclusion that you are anything more than a captive.
The Proxians will enforce their orders every step of the way, whether or not
you agree with them. Rest assured you will not be permitted to send word of
your whereabouts to your patron. The Proxians will free you once their goal is
accomplished, provided you do not earn their ire in the meantime. I hope you
will understand if I take a slightly closer interest in your future plans."
Alex graced him with an unnervingly mild smile.
They wanted to use Alchemy to fight coastal erosion? Kraden couldn't help but
be reminded of the old tale of the king who believed he had the power to keep
the tide from coming in. Kraden's earliest memories were of the sea, but he
could count on one hand the number of times he'd been permitted to travel to
the coast after entering Lord Babi's service. He would have loved the chance to
see Gaia Falls for himself, to witness the great wonder of the waves crashing
over the edge of the world, but ocean travel was too dangerous, and it had
always been out of the question. His studies had covered the theory well
enough; plenty of scholars before him had detailed the mechanisms by which the
slow erosion at Weyard's perimeter was balanced by the upswell of land from its
core. If the Proxians wanted to preserve their land against these natural
processes... Why, it would be unnatural, but not a terribly harmful way of
using Alchemy. On the contrary, it sounded like a perfect example of how it
might be harnessed to the benefit of humankind. Extensive research would be
required, of course, to check for any negative consequences. One wouldn't want
to kick off a new age of civilisation by warping the edge of the planet. The
existing theory didn't even begin to describe such feats of geological
engineering...
Kraden was suddenly struck by a notion that placed his previous fears firmly in
perspective. He had always assumed that the seal on Alchemy had locked away the
better part of humanity's potential. As far as he was aware, the ancient
civilisations around Weyard's rim hadn't recorded any great problems with loss
of land, except as a result of invasion and war. The fact that Saturos and
Menardi would go to great lengths to preserve Prox's existing habitable land
could be seen as a sign that people were more peaceable these days, seeking
ways to maintain their resources without extending their borders inland. Human
behaviour had changed, not the planet itself. It would be terrifying to think
otherwise...
"Ah... Hmm. Yes, I can see how that would be a concern. Prox, you say, in the
north... Might I ask if I could see it on the map?"
"You had better ask Menardi. She might not wish to disclose the route."
"If I am to be of service, then she should not be reluctant to seek my counsel
regarding any aspect of this journey. Nor should you, for that matter. Don't
you have a map of your own?"
Alex's expression was unreadable. Kraden wondered whether he'd said too much.
"Shall I show you everything?" Alex asked, smiling all of a sudden.
Kraden tried to take back his question, but words failed him when Alex started
unfastening the containers at his belt. Before Kraden's mind had completely
frozen, Alex tossed over the red cylinders, and Kraden caught them, though his
hands were shaking badly enough that he almost dropped them.
If he'd had the nerve, Kraden would have handed them back without opening them.
He didn't have that much nerve left, and quite frankly, he was curious. One
contained a bundle of herbs, a Psynergy stone, and a few strips of dried meat.
The other contained a book of matches and a handful of bronze coins. Nothing
indispensable.
"Are you satisfied?" Alex asked, walking over.
Kraden only regained his voice after he handed them back. There was nothing he
could say that wouldn't leave him feeling slightly ill, but he knew it would be
better to say something nonetheless. "Thank you. That was... interesting."
Alex smirked, and made a show of looking him over. "Not too interesting, I
hope."
Kraden wondered why he'd been so quick to commit himself to this journey. He
cleared his throat, and tried to get the conversation back on track. "I shall
certainly speak to Menardi later."
"Try to adopt a more deferential tone when you are speaking to her."
"I will keep that in mind." Kraden doubted he'd have half as much to fear from
her, but the fact that Alex was giving him this advice seemed a good indication
that he wished to keep the group on an even keel. "Before we return, however, I
must say... Not that I wish to discuss the past at length, or that I knew them
well, but even having known them for the briefest time... I was sorry to hear
of your parents' passing. The entire city went into mourning when we received
the news. They saved a tremendous number of lives when they visited, and I can
assure you, their heroism has not been forgotten. I hope you do not regret that
trip in its entirety."
"What is there to regret?" Alex replied, staring off into the distance. It
sounded like a rote answer. Kraden figured it couldn't hurt to show a little
more sympathy.
"We sent messages of condolence to Imil. I was never sure how many you
received. It must have been hard on you, to lose them at such a - "
Alex's harsh laughter cut him off. "My parents did not know how to keep their
mouths shut."
"Surely not! From what I saw of you together... Why, you did love them, didn't
you?"
"Of course I did." Alex gave him a sharp look, then sighed and looked away
again. He spoke as if he were somehow admitting a weakness. "I still do."
"Oh?" Kraden wondered whether this was how it felt to try to sail a straight
course through a whirlpool.
"I wish their remains had been returned to Imil," Alex added, as if musing on a
distant subject.
"Well, there have always been dangers associated with travel in mountainous
areas..." Kraden offered. Alex shot him a look which hinted that his commentary
was not welcome. "I do apologise for bringing it up."
"What of it?" Alex asked. "You are here for a reason. I expect great things
from you."
Kraden took a moment to process the implication that Alex was tolerating this
conversation because he considered him important, not because he was getting
anything out of it.
"I will certainly do my best. Where are we headed next?" Kraden asked, trying
to show some enthusiasm.
Alex ignored the question. Kraden took a second to put two and two together.
"That would be another one for Menardi, I suppose."
"Honestly, Kraden. I thought you were a fast learner."
"One does not generally learn by holding back questions," Kraden replied
defensively.
This prompted another laugh, for some reason. Alex's reply didn't sound as if
it were meant entirely as another jab. "Are you holding nothing back?"
"I still have questions in abundance, if you have the patience for them."
"I would like to think my patience is not lacking."
Kraden took a moment to consider what more he dared ask at this point. "What do
you intend to do once the seal on Alchemy is broken?"
"Serve this world as only I am able." Alex paused briefly, then denied Kraden
the chance to ask him to elaborate. "Dare I ask the same question of you?"
"I will be obliged to continue researching the means by which Alchemy might be
used to extend human longevity, amongst a range of other goals. I will most
likely be recalled to Tolbi, though I may be able to make the case for
remaining in Vale. The facilities at the palace cannot be compared to the
mysteries of Sol Sanctum. I can certainly argue that I would make better
progress if given the opportunity to study the area more thoroughly. However, I
fear Lord Babi will demand that I return to galvanise the others, and to report
back with greater regularity."
"How frequently do you report to him?"
"I am required to send him written reports once every three months. He always
understood that leaving Vale at intervals would impede any progress I might
make at integrating with the villagers, as would receiving frequent visitors
from the outside world. I have not once had to see him in person in all the
years I have lived here."
"Was he sorry to see you go?"
"His desire to see Alchemy unsealed outweighed anything I could do for him
within Tolbi's borders."
"Oh? Did he lose interest?"
Though Kraden was finding this line of questioning uncomfortable, he couldn't
see fit to object. Alex might be trying to gauge his precise value as a
hostage, in which case he didn't have much leeway to refuse to talk. Besides,
Kraden couldn't very well complain about how nasty it was to be on the
receiving end of an unpleasant conversation.
"He remained 'interested' until the day I left, though age had begun to mellow
his appetites, even back then. I would have had qualms about leaving if he had
not changed. All the same, he will never be induced to act against his own best
interests for my sake."
"You would not have left if he had been more rapacious...?"
"I would have had to leave regardless, but I'd have hated to think who else he
would have turned to in my absence. You were not an isolated case, you see.
When he was younger, Babi tended to be wary of gold-diggers, and of those who
sought to earn political influence in return for sexual favours. I have heard
that it took him a long time to accumulate money and power. Rather than
spending them unnecessarily, he preferred to take what he wanted from those who
had nothing to gain from the experience. I sometimes saw him with willing
partners, though more often than not, it did not seem to end well. However, in
the years leading up to my departure, Babi felt the effects of his age ever
more keenly. He claimed to have developed an appreciation for the comforts and
conveniences offered by the professionals, though he did once say that they
were no more skilled than I... Ahem, that is to say... Since then, judging by
his letters, he has turned ever more to those who are ready and willing to
offer their services for hire."
"I have never before heard anyone defend a man by claiming that he is in the
habit of buying sex these days."
"Well, it is an improvement."
"I don't doubt it."
"Yes, well..." Kraden cast around for a worthwhile reply. These conversations
were always torture, even when they didn't literally involve beatings, death
threats and abductions. Ah, yes, scratch that last one...
"In any case, you would prefer to return to Vale instead of Tolbi," Alex
summarised.
"If it were up to me..." Kraden sighed, figuring he might as well entertain the
hypothetical question of what he would truly prefer. "Honestly, if I were to
have any say in the matter, I would rather travel further afield. My time in
Vale has demonstrated that I cannot unravel the world's mysteries by spending
years in one place, no matter how significant the location may be. If I had
been free to seek living legends and follow rumours on the breeze, I might have
encountered the Proxians and their troubles years ago. Ah, listen to me. If I
had been free... Isn't that a hopeless sentiment?"
"Why not pledge your loyalty elsewhere, or forswear all authority?"
Kraden blinked, running Alex's words through his mind several times before they
started to make sense. "...You do realise that Lord Babi is still alive."
"Yes...?"
"And that he is the ruler of Tolbi," Kraden added, clutching a hand to his
chest to calm his pulse as he wondered how much closer he dared tread to saying
something treasonous.
"For now." Alex made this sound like the result of a decision which he might
reconsider in future.
"If I were to announce any intention to abandon my mission, and if word were to
reach him, I – I fear – if he were to hear of any hint of disloyalty, I could
still lose everything."
"That wouldn't do, would it?" Alex's smirk seemed to suggest quite the
opposite.
"I sought only to give you an honest answer to your question." Kraden sighed,
trying to let go of any illusion of control over his own fate. "Once, when I
was young and foolish, I tried to escape him, only to learn that it is not
possible to outrun his forces. And even – even if I could fight, my life is not
worth more than theirs."
"Yet it is worth more than his. Does he not face rivalry for his position?"
"There are those who resent him. I wouldn't know how close they are to
providing serious competition. I tried to involve myself in politics at one
point, but it was a hopeless endeavor." Kraden hesitated, in case Alex was
losing patience with his excuses, but he appeared to be interested. "I thought
I might be able to build up enough influence to – to at least create more
excuses to avoid him, or even find someone capable of pressuring him into
curbing his behaviour. I started to attend meetings even when I had not been
summoned, on the pretext that my research might be of relevance. And I – I
thought it was, sometimes. I always spoke in Lord Babi's favour, and he did not
accuse me of any disloyalty, though he seemed to disapprove of my initiative.
My hope was that I might eventually be given the opportunity to go further, but
it was not long before I – before some of the heads of merchant families
cornered me outside of our meetings. They said that I was Lord Babi's lapdog,
and that if I was seeking their favour, then they would use me the same way. I
tried to protest that I did not have his permission – that he might punish them
– but I could not stop them. When I continued attending meetings to discuss the
future of the city, they did not even pretend to take me seriously. I believed
that my suggestions could stand on their own merits, regardless of what they
had done to me, but they would laugh and speak over me, and afterwards... They
made a habit of catching me on my own, and it became clear that Lord Babi had
no intention of intervening. When he brought up my frequent visits to the
Sanctum – even though I often needed help to reach it, and it could not have
been any secret – he only told me to take care not to miss any deadlines. Since
I was in danger of doing so, and I – I had begun to fear that they might
actually kill me, I gave up and confined myself to the labs. Lord Babi must
have stepped in at that point, because they did not attack me again, with the
exception of one man. He claimed that Lord Babi had preyed on his nephew, and
there had been one child who bore a resemblance... He went so far as to abduct
me, but the army found me within a week. I did not have the strength to attend
his execution. I'd tried to warn him...
I'm sorry, this is not your problem, is it? I imagine you would have overthrown
him long ago, if you had been there in my place. When he was at his worst, I
sometimes entertained the idea of making use of my position and attempting an
assassination. I had no hope of producing an alibi, but I would have accepted
martyrdom if I'd been able to believe that the people of Tolbi would be better
served by his successor. Without knowing who might have replaced him, I had to
consider that in the event of a civil war, many more lives would have been
lost. Tolbi has always been heavily militarised. In the end, I could never
convince myself that there was anything I could do to improve the lives of
others. I do not expect any of this comes as a surprise. You know better than
anyone that I am ultimately no more than a hopeless coward and a failure as a
man."
"You are a hopeless politician, despite your tenacity. I will say that much."
Alex paused for thought, giving him a considering look. "If you have any
lingering concerns, I implore you to raise them with me before speaking to the
others. Whatever you do, please try to avoid complaining directly to the
Proxians. I do not think they would take advantage, but they tend to be
irritable and easily confused."
"I... I will bear that in mind." Taking a deep breath, Kraden tried to pull
himself together. "I ought to mention that this was all a long time ago. I am
given to understand that in recent years, Lord Babi has delegated more of his
work to one of his assistants. Iodem might be considered his second in command
these days, and I have never heard an ill word against him. Of course, I have
been in no position to gossip."
"Of course not. I understand. I will not act on incomplete information."
Kraden's stomach lurched as his mind replayed the conversation, and he had to
face up to the fact that he'd done more than just confess his mistakes. "I see.
Do you think... Is it likely that Isaac and Garet have survived?"
"I think it is possible."
"In that case, I will not give up hope."
"I have heard it said that you are like a grandfather to your students. I do
not suppose you have children of your own."
"No, I – I do not suppose so either," Kraden stammered, wondering why Alex was
fishing for that sort of information. Was he wondering who might seek revenge,
or who might be held hostage against whom?
"Do you not know for sure?"
Kraden took a moment to breathe, steeling his nerves before making any further
confessions. "He had me with women sometimes, but I do not think anything came
of it. If there had been a child, he would surely have placed it under my
tutelage. I would just as surely have been unable to protect it, and I could
not have allowed it to live the way I had lived. I'd have died a traitor and
taken my child with me. He might have suspected that giving me a family would
mean pushing me too far."
"It seems you still have some fight left in you," Alex replied, laughing in
surprise and making no discernable effort to hide his amusement. "Were your
prospects no better in Vale?"
"If I'd gotten too attached to anyone, he would have found out. But I do not
wish to complain. I have made friends here, and found more peace and freedom
than I could ever have imagined. When I first realised that I could spend an
entire day in bed, that I could lock the door and refuse to see visitors, or
that I could spend a day out walking by the river – it must sound terribly
mundane, but at the time, it felt revolutionary. These last few years have been
like a dream, free of carnal demands."
"Besides those made by your own hand, I assume."
Kraden flinched, and wondered why he should be surprised that Alex would still
try to unsettle him.
"At first, I thought I might be able to enjoy that, but I still... It is easier
not to. I've been so happy lately. As if everything that came before is
suddenly a world away. I can't make it like it was before. As if I was still
his."
"Your own touch makes you feel that you are his?" Alex asked, gazing at him in
something approaching pity.
"Yes, well... It is easy enough to avoid," Kraden replied, staring at the
ground, only to look up as he heard Alex approach. "What – "
Alex pressed one hand against Kraden's shoulder, pinning him to the tree he was
leaning against, then reached down and groped him through the fabric of his
cloak.
Kraden froze up, unable to breathe or focus enough of his attention on the bark
behind his shoulders. The interrogation was over, and his captor was ready to
take revenge. Why had he allowed himself to continue dreaming even after
reality had caught up? When had he gotten so spoiled, that this should be
enough to terrify him?
"Repeat after me," Alex ordered, speaking close to his ear. "This is..."
Kraden choked out the words, hoping it would end sooner if he obeyed orders.
"Th-this is..."
"...Not appropriate," Alex continued, maintaining a firm grip.
"N-not... appriate..."
"I insist..."
"I... sist..."
"...That you stop."
"Th-that... s-stop?"
When Kraden whispered the last word, Alex let go and stepped back.
Kraden slid to the ground and wrapped his arms round his knees. He blinked
hard, and took a few moments to realise that he was trying to stop crying.
When Kraden dared to look up, Alex was staring off into the woods, his arms
tightly folded and his expression carefully blank. The longer Kraden studied
him, the more he recognised the tension in his frame.
Eventually, Alex turned back to him. "Once more, from the top?"
Kraden's breath froze again, but before he could entirely panic, he reminded
himself that this was not Babi. He didn't know the rules. His words might not
be wasted. "P-please, no..."
Alex stared at him for a few seconds, then sighed and looked away. "Close
enough."
Kraden stayed huddled on the ground, making the most of the silence while it
lasted. He used to have ways of calming himself down, persuading himself that
it was all worthwhile, but after tasting freedom, the old lies and diversions
only reminded him of worse times. He wiped his glasses clean and turned his
gaze back to Alex, trying to figure out what he intended to do next.
Alex had relaxed enough to smile while he watched him struggle to piece himself
together. Kraden winced, and reminded himself to keep it in perspective. If
this was all the revenge Alex wished to take, then anyone would agree that he'd
let him off lightly.
"Don't you wish you could have said that to him?" Alex asked, breaking the
silence again. Was he truly seeking solidarity in revenge?
Even in his imagination, Kraden couldn't insist on anything where Lord Babi was
concerned. But perhaps if Babi had given him a veto... How different would
things have been if he could have turned him down sometimes? If he'd been
given, say, one veto a month, he could have avoided the worst of the times when
he hadn't felt strong enough, when he'd known he couldn't cope like he could
any other day, and he'd had to go through with it anyway. How incredible would
it have been if he could have used up a veto every few weeks and said no, and
seen him actually back off? Anything else would have been too much to ask for,
too much to imagine. He'd stopped crying for the moon a long time ago. But if
he'd been granted the strength to protect himself, even so much as once a
month...
Apparently he hadn't finished crying for the moon. Or crying. He rubbed his
eyes, trying to pull himself together in case Alex wanted him to move soon. It
was getting late. He was too tired for this. How was he supposed to travel at
his age? What was he thinking...?
"No need to thank me," Alex added.
"Oh, there's no risk of that," Kraden snapped, levelling a glare at his captor.
"I am glad to hear it." Alex laughed, sounding genuinely pleased.
"You've grown into... s-such a brat..."
"Promise me you are not just saying that." Alex laid a hand over his heart,
smiling as if he'd been paid an exceptional compliment.
The laughter in his eyes reminded Kraden of the short time he'd spent in the
company of Sofia. That woman had found a smile for everyone, even in the midst
of disaster. Alex appeared to have inherited a strange variant of her ability.
"You know me too well." Kraden thought it best to play along, though his voice
almost failed him.
Alex's smile stretched into something sharp and brutal.
Kraden closed his eyes, leaning back against the tree as another wave of fear
left him nauseous and dizzy.
"Are you able to walk? I believe it is time we returned, lest the others
conclude that I have done away with you."
"I do not suppose I have much choice but to manage it," Kraden huffed, trying
to find his feet.
"Perhaps this will help."
Alex cast Ply, restoring Kraden to a state that would not have passed for full
strength a few short years ago.
"Hmph." Kraden set off back the way they'd come, squinting to make out their
footprints in the fading light.
"My, how gracious."
Kraden wheeled round to face him, barely registering that he was raising his
voice. "What do you want me to say? Well done? You know as well as I do that if
you hadn't gotten carried away – "
He ran out of air and blinked, abruptly aware of the scolding tone he'd taken.
Turning back to the path they'd trodden earlier, he continued walking. Alex was
welcome to strike him dead if he pleased, but he doubted his outburst would
make all the difference.
They continued in silence until they reached the camp. Felix was lying down
next to Jenna, stroking her hair while she rested. Saturos was sharpening his
blade. Menardi passed Alex a couple of strips of beef jerky as he joined her by
the fire. Kraden sat down on her other side, and refused the offer of food.
"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Menardi checked. "We'll need to move swiftly to
reach Imil on schedule."
"Imil? We're visiting your hometown?" Kraden asked, turning to Alex in
surprise.
"Well, yes," Menardi replied, "unless Mercury Lighthouse has decided to go on
vacation."
"A lighthouse? How interesting. What will we – "
"Didn't he bring you up to speed?" Saturos interrupted. "What did you two spend
all that time talking about?"
Kraden glanced at Alex, but he didn't seem to have an excuse on hand.
"Oh, you know. The theoretical applications of Alchemy," Kraden replied, waving
a hand dismissively. "I do not think he wanted to risk letting me steal any
more of your information."
"Huh." Menardi stared at both of them in turn. "Imil is only the first stop.
We'll talk tomorrow. Get some rest while you can."
She left to sit with Saturos. Kraden risked another glance at Alex, and was met
with a glare buried in an expressionless stare.
"We had better not bore the others with theory." Kraden smiled, hoping he
understood that he would make every effort to protect their privacy, for
everyone's sake.
Alex tossed a shard of ice into the fire and watched as it hissed out of
existence. "You are terribly boring. I do not think we will have reason to
discuss theory again."
When Alex left, Kraden shifted closer to the fire. The world was changing, and
just as it was too late to keep it from happening, it was too soon to know what
to expect. He doubted he'd get much sleep tonight. There were too many things
he shouldn't have said. Too many places he'd never seen. He would ask for a map
tomorrow.
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