Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/197460. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Major_Character_Death, Underage Category: F/M, M/M Fandom: Naruto Relationship: Namikaze_Minato/Uzumaki_Kushina, Hatake_Kakashi/Namikaze_Minato, Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki_Kushina, Namikaze_Minato/Hatake_Kakashi/Uzumaki_Kushina Character: Hatake_Kakashi, Namikaze_Minato, Uzumaki_Kushina Additional Tags: Threesome_-_F/M/M, Violence, Creepy, Sexual_Content, Angst, Terrible coping_skills, Henge, Inappropriate_Sexual_Advances, Kakashi_is_damaged, Sad_Porn, Trust_violation Stats: Published: 2011-05-10 Words: 4389 ****** Indecent ****** by TGPretender_(TGP) Summary Minato and Kushina bring Kakashi home after a bad mission. Kakashi is covered in blood. It should disgust him. It doesn’t. He’s almost hardened to it. Sort of. Not really. But he likes to think he is. He’s ANBU now. He has to be hardened to the sight, the smell, the feel, even the taste of blood. It’s just that getting it off is almost impossible. He’s been scrubbing his skin for hours now but he’s still covered in red and he’s still choked by the coppery smell.  It never goes away, no matter how much he washes. Kakashi scrubs harder even though he knows it’s not coming off. The blood. The knowledge. Hands take the sponge from him. If it weren’t for the fact that Kakashi knows those hands better than his own, he could have killed the owner ten times over in the seconds it takes to relinquish that sponge. He’s ANBU. Killing is as easy as breathing. Not that he’s ever had trouble with it. “You’re bleeding,” Minato says softly. The hint of disappointment is very soft, maybe not even there, but Kakashi hears and it stabs him through. But he doesn’t say anything as Minato carefully washes his skin. He just watches as the water darkens bright blond hair and weighs it down. Watches as thin, black cloth clings to the muscle beneath. Focus on the details. Forget the blood. Minato’s hand pauses on his shoulder and his eyes lift, pinning him with a stare Kakashi has never been able to look away from. Focus. Focus on pale blue eyes and the electric jolt that runs through him when they focus on him. Focus on what makes him alive. Kakashi shivers as dry lips brush his own.   ----- Kakashi first met Namikaze Minato when he was four. It was just after he started at the Ninja academy. Dad was going to do a mission with him and they were doing the planning at their home. Minato seemed nice enough, very focused. Dad talked to him like any other adult even though Minato wasn’t very old. Way older than Kakashi, of course, but not as old as Dad. Not many ninjas were as old as Dad, which made Kakashi proud because it meant Dad was a very good ninja. Dad was the best ninja. Minato looked up and spotted him at the edge of the hallway. Kakashi almost ducked back around but then the blond man just smiled nicely. It sent a weird little jolt into Kakashi’s belly. He smiled back because it was polite and Dad liked when he was polite, then raced back to his room to practice his calligraphy. He didn’t see Minato again after that, not for a long time, but he didn’t mind. He had school to take care of and he was very good at being a ninja. Kakashi flew through the academy lessons as if he were born to be a ninja. And, being Dad’s son, he was of course. Dad was busy but he was still there when Kakashi graduated in a single year. Dad was so proud. He didn’t show it, not really, but Kakashi knew and that was the best. He was too young to go onto a normal genin team, but Kakashi liked it better this way. He trained with one of Dad’s friends, getting stronger and better. By the time he was six, Kakashi got to test for Chuunin. And he passed. He was the best. The greatest! And then Dad failed.   -----   Minato knows how to capture and keep his attention. He always has. And Kakashi is grateful for this. He’s grateful for the feel of gentle, calloused hands sliding down his skin, the full lips against his own with gentle pressure. He’s never questioned having this. If he lost it, if Minato let him go, he… Well. But Minato doesn’t let go. Kakashi curls his fingers in thick blond hair and sighs between their lips. The taste of that mouth is intoxicating but he’s still distracted. He’s still… there. In the woods. With the bodies. With… “Stay with me,” Minato says as he urges him back. Wet tile presses against Kakashi’s back. He’d usually mind but not here. Not when Minato is putting him back together piece by piece, smoothing his fingers over the rough edges. All Kakashi can do is hold on. He needs this. He needs Minato. “Please,” Kakashi whispers, “Please, please, please…” He doesn’t know what he’s asking for. Maybe he’s asking to be held. Maybe he’s asking to die. “Shh.” Minato pets down his cheek and kisses him again and Kakashi lets himself drown in the taste and feel of Minato’s mouth.   -----   Kakashi stood at the living room window, staring at Dad’s back. Dad had never looked so weak before, sitting there at the edge of the porch. But Dad had never failed before. Not like this. Kakashi was just old enough to understand what shame meant. Dad didn’t get better. Kakashi tried not to care. He ignored it when other Chuunins said stuff about Dad and that mission or wondered if he would make the same mistake. Kakashi vowed that wouldn’t happen. He would live by the ninja code and no other. When he was finally put on a team, he was still way younger than the other two genins he was saddled with. Kakashi hated them. They were too slow and too stupid and Obito didn’t know how to shut up and Rin kept looking at him like he was some kind of god. Kakashi didn’t need a team. He especially didn’t need this team. But it was headed by Namikaze Minato, one of the best Jounins in the village. So Kakashi waited to see what would happen, what might come of this. Minato was a very good ninja and might be able to teach him something. And he was the one that came when Kakashi found Dad lying on the floor of his bedroom.   -----   Minato’s farther under the spray than he is now, so all of Kakashi’s senses are focused solely on him. It’s probably on purpose. Kakashi doesn’t really care. He just licks into that mouth and arches into hands that know just where to touch. He tugs at Minato’s shirt and finally gets it off, even if he has to relinquish the blonde’s lips for a few precious seconds. Kakashi lives in half seconds. Quarter seconds. He lives faster than seconds because sometimes waiting a whole beat will get you killed and he’s not allowed to die. Minato has told him that. “Easy,” Minato murmurs softly as his lips brush Kakashi’s jaw, right near his ear. It’s all Kakashi can do to shiver and touch tanned flesh. Minato is so much darker than him even though he’s the one covered in blood. Covered in… Movement at the door. Kakashi’s nerves are too ragged to react appropriately but Minato’s already caught his wrists, giving him the moment he needs to recognize blood red hair. “Oh,” Kushina says ever so quietly and for a moment, Kakashi is terrified that he’ll see pity in her gaze. But he doesn’t. She’s never pitied anyone in her life. He sees concern and he feels the same electric jolt as she really looks at him that he feels from Minato. The same pang of want, need, life. Minato’s lips brush his throat and his teeth graze the edge of his collarbone. Kushina’s soft hands cup his face and he can’t help but lean into them as he closes his eyes. Cloth rubs against the edge of his leg and her lips fall just to the corner of his mouth.   -----   Kakashi hated that woman. She was loud and brash and did stupid things. He hated the way she talked and how she took control of every room she entered. He hated her stupid hair. Most of all, he hated the way Minato-sensei’s eyes followed her. He hated the soft way he looked at her. It wasn’t enough that Kakashi had to deal with a dullard like Obito, but also that woman? He wished she would just go back to her own people and leave Minato-sensei alone. Annoying. Stupid. Hated her. Kakashi glared at her from across Minato-sensei’s living room. He leaned against the wall, arms folded over his chest, and watched as Obito and that woman made fools of themselves while Rin tittered and Minato-sensei looked... His chest tightened. Minato-sensei’s eyes never left that woman. And he looked… Content. Happy. Kakashi hated that woman.   -----   Kushina’s mouth tastes of ramen, salty, but Kakashi doesn’t care. Her lips are soft and inviting and all he can think to do is fall into kissing her. She’s softer than Minato all over and as he presses up against Kakashi’s back, her clothed breasts brush his chest. He’s surrounded by them, overwhelmed by them. All he feels are their hands and their bodies and their heat. Minato laces his fingers through Kakashi’s as Kushina curls her own around his other hand. He can’t help but grip tightly. Don’t let go, don’t let go. If they let go, he’ll be back in the woods. He’ll be staring into the dead eyes of a five-year-old boy. “Stay here,” Kushina murmurs against his lips. His heart is pounding out of control but she’s calm as a cloudless sky. She pets his cheek and draws him in again. Her kiss is different than Minato’s; Kakashi has no illusion of control. She’s never given him that like Minato will. All he can do is follow her lead. She chases away the dead green eyes. Absently, he hears wet cloth crumple to the floor but all he cares about is wet skin pressed to his own. He’s smothered between them. Kushina releases his mouth only to join Minato at his throat. Kakashi rests his head back against Minato’s shoulder and just concentrates on the feel of their mouths. Their hands. Their bodies. Them.   ----   Kakashi was a Jounin. The wait had been more of a formality than anything else. He wasn’t exactly excited but it was nice that his skills were being recognized. At thirteen, he was one of the youngest ever. Titles like that he pretended not to notice. Obito, on the other hand, never stopped complaining. Kakashi grit his teeth. He wasn’t allowed to kill his teammates… The mission wasn’t exactly easy but Kakashi had confidence in his skills as a leader. He would show Minato he could do this. That he was worthy of the title of Jounin even that young, despite Obito’s disparaging words. But the mission went to hell faster than he could cope. He lost an eye almost as fast as he lost half his team. After, he sat in shock on his porch and stared at his blood stained hands. Obito was dead. Kakashi had failed. Obito was never coming back. Dead. Dead. Dead… Dead like Dad, lying on the floor, surrounded by his own blood and with his own sword jutting out of his belly. It was that woman that sat down beside him, not Minato. She reached over and touched his shoulder, but didn’t say a thing. Kakashi didn’t break down. He never would in front of her.   ---- His hand finds her naked breast as Kushina catches his lip between her teeth. He tastes blood and for a moment, he almost forgets where he is except Minato’s hand drags down his belly and brings him back to reality. Kakashi can do nothing but lean into that strong touch. He’s here. He’s with them. He’s fine. He’s fine. Kakashi doesn’t realize they’ve moved until one hand is splayed against wet tile and his entire body is pressed against Kushina’s soaked curves. She hooks one leg around him to drag them closer, aligned perfectly, and he moans into her biting mouth. He slides his hand down her hip and thigh and the way she sighs is magic. “That’s it,” Minato purrs. Then his hand is between her legs and Kushina shudders against Kakashi with a breathy whimper of need. He stares at her face, watching it flush and contort as Minato’s knuckles brush his thigh with every motion inside of her. Kakashi’s fingers join Minato’s and Kushina is so hot and wet. She arches and shivers and sings for them. Minato rests his head on Kakashi’s shoulder, body pressed so tight to his back, and they watch her together. “Please,” Kushina breathes, her eyes closed tight and neck arched. Kakashi’s fingers are soaked and he doesn’t really want to give up the blissfully teased look from her face but Minato guides him out. Kakashi watches her eyes blink lazily open and when she looks at him, her eyes are so dark and her lips parted for uneven breaths and his name on her tongue.   ---- She was so beautiful. That was what Kakashi thought about Uzumaki Kushina when he finally began to look at her. He was fourteen and in the discovery of women, Kushina was a worthy goal. She had a tight, shapely body, a pretty face, striking red hair, and great skills… But most of all, she was a jinchuuriki. Kakashi did not expect her to die anytime soon. Kushina was safe to want for someone who didn’t want to want anyone. And something about wanting her made the feelings of jealousy wane. He could almost stand to see the way Minato-sensei stared at her. Almost. But it was better than wanting Rin. Rin was… No. So far off limits that it made Kakashi sick to think about it. But Rin had stopped looking at him a year ago when he killed Obito. He understood. Ninjas understand underneath the underneath, so he understood her and he didn’t want her. Kushina had never blamed him for Obito, even though he deserved it. And maybe that was why he began to need her. The first time he managed to sneak undetected by Minato-sensei was the first time Kakashi watched them make love. He watched it until the end and then watched as they slipped into sleep and then he just kept watching them breath. When he watched them, he didn’t see Obito’s crushed body anymore and he almost felt part of them.   ---- Kakashi presses Kushina tight against the tile. He claims her mouth as he jerks both of her legs around his waist. Her ankles hook at the small of his back and he groans as a firm, calloused hand guides him into her. Kakashi can do nothing but plunge deeply into her slick cavern. He moves immediately because as perfect and inviting as she feels, he needs more. He needs to make her scream. Minato’s breath is shaky and loud near Kakashi’s ear. Every move of Kakashi’s hips, every twitch of his body, rubs him against Minato’s thicker frame. He feels how much Minato needs him. Kushina’s sharp nails dig into his back as she gasps and bucks. Kakashi tightens his grip on her thighs and he doesn’t care that he might be thrusting too hard or that he might bruise her. He wants her to make that noise again, clench around him like a vice. He wants her to whine and need and beg. “Yes,” Minato whispers and it’s shaky with feeling that isn’t quite fear but Kakashi hears something louder and sweeter and choked with blood. He hears a little boy begging him to bring his mommy back because ninjas know how to come back from the dead, don’t they? Kakashi doesn’t know how to tell the boy the truth. He doesn’t get the chance. He’s been too stupid to make sure his enemies are really dead and then green eyes stare dully from the ground to remind him of his mistake – “KAKASHI !” He snaps back and Kushina has his face in her hands and she’s bitten down on his lip again as Minato digs two fingers into him, slick and thick and deep. Kakashi gasps for breath but Minato licks the blood from his lips and reminds him that he’s with them. He’s with them.   ---- Kakashi had been very, very careful that time. He’d made sure to learn the techniques well, using Obito’s stolen eye to copy each one. He’d practiced even though he didn’t really need to. He’d laced them together into something so cohesive that even the other Jounin hadn’t seen through it when he ran his tests earlier. Standing in front of the mirror was Kushina. She wore her usual dress and had brushed out her flaming hair carefully but the look on her face was completely alien. Solemn, serious even, nothing like it should have been. She twitched her lips, trying to form some semblance of her usual face-tearing grin, but the attempts fell short. Minato stepped up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. His blue eyes found hers in the mirror and he tried and failed to smile for her as well. He was too wound for that. Their energy wouldn’t last long with such a sophisticated jutsu. They parted ways, each sighting a specific target for something they knew was wrong but they were too desperate to care about the consequences. The pair of henged shadow clones lasted for two hours. The first henged clone that vanished had had no real body and had felt of Fox. The henge of the second clone failed next, red bleeding away from silver hair, and then the clone itself winked out of existence from Minato’s astonished arms. The third henge lasted only a few seconds longer, just enough for him to bask in both his clones’ afterglow and his own, and then Kakashi fainted dead away against Kushina’s side. When he woke, they were both there. They were shaken and betrayed and he had done that to them. He had torn away their sense of security and their trust. He had broken something within them. But for just a little while, they had been his and he had been theirs. Kakashi barely heard their promises to keep it quiet and he was only sixteen and it was normal to want to use his abilities and to test his boundaries and to want to be close to someone but that wasn’t how you did it and he was never, ever to do that again. He didn’t hear them because he was savoring the memories of being theirs even with the knowledge that it would never happen again.   ---- When Minato presses into him, Kakashi goes still, panting into Kushina’s shoulder as he shudders and fights the urge to reject the intrusion. He wants Minato there, within him, with him, his. He wants Minato to claim him deep inside with a mark that no one can ever take from him. Kushina smoothes back locks of wet hair between her fingertips and she kisses his ear with soft, gentle reassurances. Kakashi closes his eyes and digs his teeth into her skin as Minato shifts and draws out of him. He doesn’t dare move, doesn’t speak because if he does it will be nothing but pleading and he doesn’t want Minato to know just how much it hurts to be parted with him. But then Minato is back and his lips brush the back of Kakashi’s neck in kisses or words or just breaths. Thick hands squeeze his hips and when Minato says his name and Kushina whimpers at the shifting inside her, Kakashi starts to move. There’s nothing smooth about it, nothing practiced or careful. He can only sink into her heat or let Minato open him up. But he needs it. He needs them so damn badly. Kushina’s fingers are tight and painful in his hair as her body arches against him. Her breasts press to his chest and if he could only touch them but he can’t make himself let go of her thighs as he moves with her. She’s wild and wanting and perfect. Minato chants his name like a prayer. Over and over, Kakashi feels the length of his body against his own and hands that shouldn’t have been this gentle guide his hips as he has guided so much of the rest of his life. He’s giving and understanding and strong.   ---- There was no celebration for making it into the ANBU. Kakashi stood in front of the memorial in his uniform to show Obito because Rin hadn’t been home in months and she wouldn’t have wanted to look at him anyway. Obito only berated him in his mind and that made Kakashi smile because it was painful and he wanted to make sure Obito knew he’d learned to deal with that. He’d learned to smile about a lot of things that didn’t make him happy. He smiled when Minato and Kushina got married. Then he met Morino Ibiki and got a painted mask. He guessed that was a good enough version of drinking himself stupid. When he got back to Konoha a month later, he still smiled. He smiled until the smell of blood that wasn’t there made him too sick to stand and all he could do was lay on his bed and wonder how long the next mission would keep him occupied. Not long enough. He slipped and fell deeper and for a few weeks, he managed to forget them until he’d returned. He almost dreaded coming back to Konoha. Coming back to them. He tried to think of them as Minato the Hokage and Kushina the Jinchuuriki, not Minato who kept him alive and Kushina who made him feel so. Sometimes he managed. Kakashi never managed to forget the blood and the screams and torturing a lone ninja for information he desperately needed. It filled him up in the quiet of his apartment, a quiet Minato and Kushina had never let settle when he’d lived with them. When it finally became too much, Kakashi found himself not at the memorial but in Minato’s office and he didn’t give the man any warning before he caught Minato’s lips with his own. He knew it wouldn’t last but he couldn’t hold back anymore. Minato had always meant peace for him. Minato didn’t fight when Kakashi took him against the desk. ---- Kakashi doesn’t realize what’s happened until it’s over and they’re tangled together on the shower floor with cold water beating down onto them. Their arms lace around him tightly, anchoring him down to the here and now. He finally, blessedly, feels clean again. As clean as a ninja ever can. “It’s all right,” Minato murmurs as he presses his lips to Kakashi’s hair and pets his hand down Kakashi’s arm. “You’re okay,” Kushina echoes and her chest purrs against Kakashi’s ear where he rests his head. He’s so tired. But he’s home again, completely now. They get him off the floor and the three of them fumble about with towels and more awkwardness than three elite level killers should have been capable of. But as soon as the shower is off and they aren’t dripping, they tumble into bed like a pile of puppies. Kakashi nuzzles his face against Minato’s chest and drapes an arm over the man’s middle, his fingers resting on Kushina’s side as they smash Minato between them. He’s home for both of them.   ----   Kushina was the one who suggested it. She hadn’t really known any other way to heal things between them and soothe feelings that should have been wrong but were too strong to fight. Kakashi went along at first because he was too desperate not to, but Minato chose it in his usual, cautious way. They didn’t know quite how to manage at first, what was proper. But when they threw ideals about propriety out the window, things settled immediately and Kakashi found home in their bed. They didn’t try to explain how they’d gotten to that point or even expect it to last. If it was going to break down, it would, and they would deal with it then. For now, Kakashi could find his solace in them and that was enough.   ----   Kakashi sits alone in his little apartment on the top floor of the tallest building in Konoha. He took this one because it offers the very best view of the Hokage Monument. Well, the very best view of part of it. A long time ago, he knew one of those men very well. A long time ago, he felt as close to whole as was possible for a ninja. A long time ago, he had been part of something more than just the ninja fellowship. But now he is very, very alone. Kakashi stares out his window at the monument and sips from a small bottle of sake that does little to warm his insides. There are three framed photographs sitting on the windowsill, but none of them are face up. They show both his failures and his triumphs and they make him both proud and deliriously depressed. He doesn’t let anyone see them. He doesn’t let anyone see the faces of his first team, long dead. He doesn’t let anyone see the faces of his genins, all fractured off with different mentors for better or worse. And most of all, he doesn’t let anyone see his lovers with their arms around him. As the sun slowly sets, the light on the monument shifts and suddenly, Minato’s looking right at him. This is why Kakashi got this apartment. This is why he always watches when he’s at home. Minato looks at him and Kakashi imagines that he isn’t so achingly alone. He remembers the honest, exuberant smile on Naruto’s face and sees Kushina and the hurt pales a little more. The moment is over within seconds, but it will come back tomorrow. Tomorrow, for a few seconds, he will feel whole. And then devastated once more with the same hope of tomorrow. Some day, it will not be enough just to hope for a few stolen seconds. But for now, in the few moments when Minato can see him again and Kushina shines out from their son, Kakashi can remember the way they smelled and the sound of their laughter. He feels their fingers against his skin and their smiles on his lips. Someday, it will not be enough. Today is not someday, but tomorrow might be. And that both terrifies and soothes him. So he smiles. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!