Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/8461243.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/F
  Fandom:
      Pitch_Perfect_(Movies)
  Relationship:
      Beca_Mitchell/Aubrey_Posen, beca_mitchell/ofc
  Character:
      Beca_Mitchell, Aubrey_Posen, Stacie_Conrad, Chloe_Beale, OFC
  Additional Tags:
      trigger_warnings_please_read_summary
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-11-03 Updated: 2018-01-29 Chapters: 29/? Words: 114025
****** In Six Years ******
by thatmitchsentho
Summary
     Aubrey thinks everything is going just fine at her new job in LA,
     until she meets her newest client, Beca Mitchell. Suddenly the two of
     them have to handle what happened between them six years ago that
     caused them never to speak again. [Trigger warning for sexual
     assault, assault of a minor, suicide attempts. Please do not read if
     triggered by such content.]
***** Chapter 1 *****
Aubrey Posen was sitting at her relatively new desk in her new office in
downtown LA. It was exactly the kind of desk a junior partner in a prestigious
law firm should have, complete with name-plate on top. She'd only been in town
for about three weeks, newly transplanted from Chicago. Her door opened and a
senior partner stuck his head in.
"Posen, we need you to go to conference four," Tim said. "Now that Riley's
gone, I need a supervising partner on contracts. Sorry, it's short notice."
"Sure thing," she said. She grabbed a legal pad and pen and went down to the
specified room. She opened the door and glanced to the end of the long table
where her colleagues Sayid and Ruby were already waiting. "Guys."
"Hey Aubrey," Ruby said. "Are you taking over for Riley?"
"As of about three minutes ago, yes," she said. "What's on the agenda today?"
"Helping nail down some artist contracts for BPM," Sayid said. "It's really
routine, we do it all the time. They'll be here soon."
"That sounds familiar," she said. "I think... BPM?"
"BPM the music production company," Ruby said. "They've signed everyone who's
anyone the past four years."
"Oh right," Aubrey said. Then she realised who would be coming in today.
"Shit."
"What?" Sayid asked. Aubrey bit her lip.
"I might have some history, so to speak with-" the door opened and the three
lawyers looked up. Two women were walking in, a tall girl with black hair and a
briefcase, and then a shorter brunette.
"Aubrey Posen, Jenna Freedman," Ruby said first. "And the brunette is-"
"We've met," the cool voice came. "It's been a long time."
"It's nice to see you again, Beca," she said simply. She hoped the brunette
would be professional enough to not bring up their last encounter. Thankfully,
the woman just gave her a cool look, and took her seat next to her business
partner.
"You, too." The tone was even and matched her stare.
"Ok," Sayid said. "Business." To everyone else in the room, it probably felt
like a normal meeting. But both Beca and Aubrey were dying to get out of the
room. Beca could swear the walls were closing in on her, but she was determined
not to let Aubrey get to her after so long. Aubrey on the other hand, was
wondering why the brunette was being so civil. She wouldn't have thought it too
much if Beca had thrown a chair at her. Nevertheless, the two of them suffered
through the meeting silently.
When it was finished, the brunette held her hand a little longer than was
necessary, not long enough that the others would notice, but Aubrey did. "Looks
like we might not be going so long without seeing each other this time." She
left behind Jenna without saying another word, and the other lawyers rounded on
Aubrey immediately.
"So you have history with Beca Mitchell," Ruby said. "Come on, spill."
"We used to be friends," Aubrey said evenly. "We sang together in acapella. We
were kinda tight for a few years."
"What happened?" Aubrey shrugged, trying to downplay their history as casual.
"Time. Distance. The usual." She hoped it sounded effortless. They all made
their way back to their respective offices, Aubrey immediately closing the door
and slumping in her chair.
She was transported instantly back to the very last time she saw Beca Mitchell.
The way Beca's tongue and lips dragged across her neck. The way she'd traced
her fingers across all the ink on Beca's skin and followed it with kisses.
Beca's breath hot against her skin. The smell of Beca's perfume and a light
addition of their sweat. The way the brunette sounded moaning her name, the
whispered declaration of her love. The smirk on her face as Aubrey could barely
manage to speak as her body succumbed to the DJs talented hands. The way her
hair looked against the soft white of the pillow as she paused in the doorway
before -
"Fuck." She leaned her head down on the desk. This was not going to be good.
She dug her cellphone out and texted her best friend.
Guess who my newest client is?
Chloe's text back contained a row of question marks.
Beca Mitchell. Her phone rang.
"Tell me you're joking," Chloe said. "Are you joking?"
"No," Aubrey said. "I'm not joking. Have you spoken to her since-"
"I haven't spoken to her since Ashley's wedding." A wedding Aubrey missed
because she was in France for work. "Are you okay, Bree?"
"I think so." No. She kind of wasn't.
"Is she at least okay? Healthy I mean. She's not pulling a Bynes or a Lohan?"
"She's got more tattoos than the last time I saw her," Aubrey said. "And she's
still gorgeous in that 'if you call me gorgeous I'll murder you where you
stand' way."
"Bree." It was almost a sigh.
"I know." It had been six years. Six fucking years and Aubrey had tried to
resolve that her night with the brunette was just a one off thing, a moment of
weakness. It had taken her six years but she'd almost convinced herself of it,
but one afternoon sitting across from the cool, appraising stare of the girl
had undone it all.
"Be careful," she said. "For both your sakes."
"I will," Aubrey said.
Meanwhile, Beca had exited and gotten straight into her car. She had work lined
up for that afternoon but it had only just gone one o'clock. She was rattled by
seeing Aubrey again after so long, even more than she'd care to admit. She'd
managed to keep her demeanor cool but the truth was that things were far from
resolved with the two of them and every single memory flooded her in an
instant. She hit dial on her phone, calling her assistant.
"Hey, Miles? I don't have anyone til four do I?"
"You've got nothing til four, that's right."
"Let me know if anything comes up, I've got a few errands I need to take care
of," she said.
"No problem Beca." Beca hung up and drove to a service station, buying a pack
of cigarettes. She hadn't smoked in years, but she couldn't just go and down a
bottle of scotch, which is what she wanted to do. Then she drove until she hit
a deserted car park by the beach. She pulled over and chain-smoked until she
felt sick. She hated that seeing Aubrey was getting to her like this. She hated
that she wanted nothing more than to hate her for every second of pain she'd
caused her, but she didn't. When she got home, she retired that night with the
bottle of scotch she'd wanted earlier, trying to drink her feelings away, but
it had only given her a headache and absolutely no relief.
She'd called off sick from work the next day and messaged Stacie, who arrived
to find her halfway through another bottle and smoking on the patio. She took
the bottle away but let her keep smoking.
"Why don't I hate her?" she asked, as Stacie sat a sandwich in front of her,
later that afternoon. "After everything she did, why don't I fucking hate her?
I should be allowed to do that, right?"
"I don't know," Stacie said. "I need you to promise me you're going to be
careful, Beca. She almost ruined you. And you've worked so hard and
accomplished so much, I'd hate to see her send you reeling again."
"I'm going to just keep it professional," she said. "No talking about the past.
Just work. Nothing that will lead us into dangerous territory."
"That's a good idea."
"I just can't risk opening myself up like that again," she said. "I'm not that
strong."
"Yeah you are," Stacie said. "But you're smarter than that."
"You're the best," Beca said. "I owe you for today."
"Oh, come on. You and I pretty much always owe each other for something. Now
put that god damn cigarette out, asshole. Getting you to quit last time was a
fucking nightmare, I'm not doing that again," she said. Beca stubbed it out
obediently.
"Know what the worst bit is?" Beca asked.
"What?"
"She looks fucking great," Beca said with a wry smile. "If I didn't know that
she'd obliterate me I'd be all over that."
"Beca."
"I know," she said. She sighed. "But I'm not fucking blind, Stacie. Even you
would think she looks good, and there's nothing queer about you."
"It's not like her baseline was hideous," Stacie agreed. She looked Beca in the
eyes. "Are you okay, Beca?"
"I think so," she nodded. "It just took me by surprise, is all. I didn't even
know she was in LA, and then all of a sudden she's sitting in front of me. It
was fucking weird. But I'm going to stick to the plan. All business."
"Good girl," she said. "What's happening at BPM anyway?"
"Magnolia Pictures want a lunch meeting tomorrow to try and get me to do a
soundtrack again," she said. "I'm not… ugh. The last time I got a soundtrack
pitch the client wanted it almost Disney Channel poppy. It'd have to be a much
better pitch, and I'd need an artist I actually wanna work with, you know?"
"I get it," Stacie said. "No point branching out if it's something you don't
enjoy."
"Right? Anyway, Fox were pissed when I turned them down, but Magnolia swear
they can entice me," she said. "I'll hear them out. Smaller company, might be
more my speed." Stacie laughed.
"Smaller companies are your speed? Tell that to your four Grammys, Mitchell,"
she said. Beca laughed as well. She was glad she had called Stacie, the girl
could always make her feel better.
She ended up staying for dinner, and sleeping in Beca's guest room. By the time
morning rolled around, Beca was confident that any further interactions she had
with Aubrey wouldn't affect her the way it had the first time. Stacie had left
straight after breakfast, making her promise she'd call if she needed anything.
Her morning at work was seamless, she didn't even give the blonde a second
thought for the entire day. Before she knew it, it was time for her lunch
meeting with Magnolia Pictures. She arrived at the restaurant and was shown to
the table, where the people from Magnolia were waiting.
"Beca," a man said. "Damien Webber, thanks for coming." She shook his hand.
"Not a problem," she said.
"This is Avery Grey and Justin Tao, they're the director-producers, and Billie
West," he introduced. Beca shook all their hands. She kept her surprise reigned
in. Billie West was a seriously talented young woman who blurred the line
between actor and singer, doing basically whatever she wanted. Beca was a big
fan of her work, and also a big fan of the fact that she was very easy on the
eyes. Beca had always had a soft spot for a really girly looking blonde, and
the fact that the girl had a voice that was somehow the perfect combination of
breathy and husky only heightened that attraction for Beca.
"What's your role, Billie?" she asked politely.
"It's more a supporting role," she said. "It's weird, I'm in a lot of shots,
but I never say much. The guys will explain it, the lead sort of fixates on me
as a distraction from everything else that is going on. But I'm in love with
this project, and hopefully that means getting to work with you on the
soundtrack." Beca considered that for a moment. She had said to Stacie that
they'd need to give her someone she'd want to work with. And they had. A waiter
came over to offer drinks, which they ordered.
"Okay," she said. "Let's get this out of the way. Without sounding like a smug
asshole, I've had a lot of offers to work on soundtracks before. What's going
to make me pick this movie as my first?"
The two filmmakers explained the premise of the movie before they ordered their
meals. During the wait they explained why they wanted her on the soundtrack,
and they showed her rough cuts of the pivotal scenes on an iPad. Through their
meals, Damien took over, explaining how Beca wouldn't be compromising her brand
by working with Magnolia. Then as they downed coffee, the men shut up and Beca
and Billie talked about what they might hypothetically see for the movie
soundtrack.
"Okay," Damien said, signing the credit card receipt for the meal. "Beca, tell
me we can make this work." She drummed her fingers on the tabletop and surveyed
her companions. The three men looked hopeful. But it was Billie that was
swaying her. She looked like she knew Beca was in, that the posturing was for
show. And she was right, Beca had wanted in on this project the second she
heard Billie West was the artist they wanted her to work with.
"We can do this," she said with a smile. "I'm in." The others let out a
collective sigh of relief.
"That's fantastic," Avery said. "You have no idea what this means for our
movie."
"We need to meet with legal and get contracts done," she said. "But your fee
offer is fine, this one's not really about the money. It sounds like a project
that I'd kick myself if I missed."
"When suits you for contracts?"
"I've got studio bookings til Wednesday next week," she said. "So Thursday?
You've got my number, just book it in with Miles."
"I'd love to get your number so we can talk," Billie said. Beca looked up and
into her eyes. There was something there, something not quite business-lunch.
"I've got a thousand ideas."
"Sure," Beca said, holding her gaze for a second. "I'm free on the weekend,
well, mostly . If you're cool with talking before we've signed the official
stuff."
"I'm okay with that," she said. Beca dug a business card out, flipping it over
to scrawl her cell number on the back. The meeting ended, and Beca headed back
to the office. Miles caught her on the way in and said that Jenna wanted her to
check in, so she headed to her partner's office.
"Hey," she said, strolling in. Jenna was sitting on the edge of her desk eating
cold noodles from a takeout container.
"Hey," she said. "How'd it go?"
"I'm signing on," she said. Jenna looked impressed.
"Wow," she said. "What did they tempt you with? Can't have been money."
"Apart from the fact the movie sounds pretty decent?" she said. "Billie West.
She's going to work on the soundtrack with me."
"Ohhhh," she said. "Nice. Also, hot."
"Jen!"
"Please," Jenna said. "I can tell by the way you just said her name you think
she's hot."
"Well, yeah," Beca said. "Me and everyone else on the planet. But it's not
about that, it's about the movie." Jenna just smiled and shook her head. Beca
rolled her eyes. Her phone vibrated in her pocket.
Hey, thought I'd hit you up so you at least had my number. Looking forward to
seeing you again. Billie.
"And that's her texting you, isn't it?!" Jenna teased. Beca got up from her
chair.
"Fuck you, Freedman," she said with a smile that indicated she wasn't serious.
"I gave her my number because we're getting together on the weekend for
business."
"Sure," the other woman responded. "You're going to dinner and a club with a
really hot, gay blonde woman, and you're going to be all business." Beca just
tossed a cushion at her and left. Then she went back into her own office and
closed the door. Jenna's teasing aside, yes, Billie West was incredibly good
looking, and she was looking forward to seeing her a whole lot more.
She ended up seeing her sooner than expected. She'd texted Beca Saturday
morning to find out if she was free. Beca had responded that she was free, but
she was spinning that night, but suggested they grab dinner and at least get
some preliminary chatting about the project out of the way, but that she'd be
free to tag along to the club if she liked. Billie had said that sounded great
and picked a restaurant and that was that. Beca felt a small pit of nervousness
in the bottom of her stomach, something that was never there with any other
work project she'd been involved in. She was just about to leave when Stacie
called her.
"Stace?" she said. "Hang on, I'm getting into the car, so I'll put you on
speaker."
"Nothing important," Stacie said. "Lilah and I probably won't make it to the
club tonight." Lilah was Stacie's business partner and friend. The two had a
designer label and were just starting to get interest from influential people.
Their range was all one-offs, a lot of made to order stuff. Beca liked Lilah,
and she always had Stacie and Lilah on the list to get in anywhere she was
working.
"Busy day?"
"Kind of," Stacie said. "We had Zoe Saldana in here today."
"Shit what!?" Beca said. That was by far the most high profile name they'd had
in their store.
"Yeah, she bought a dress and wants another one made up," her friend said. "We
want to get started. So it's a long night with a mannequin, I'm afraid. Sorry
to leave you all alone."
"I won't be all alone," she said. "Remember how I told you I was meeting with
Magnolia? I signed on for the soundtrack. And the artist they put up to work on
it with me? Billie West."
"Billie West like the girl you've told me on multiple occasions fulfills your
weird thing for femme blondes just perfectly?" Stacie asked. "Well then."
"Yeah, so we exchanged numbers and we're going to grab a quick dinner and she's
gonna tag along while I spin."
"You're on a date?"
"It's not a fucking date, Stacie, I don't even know the girl," she said
exasperatedly. "We're just going to be spit-balling ideas here."
"Sure. You're going to dinner and a club, with a girl you've had a crush on for
years and it's all going to be business," Stacie said, not believing a single
word. "Make sure you call me tomorrow, I want to hear how this goes."
"What the fuck is it with you and Jenna?" Beca said. "She was the same."
"I'm just giving you a hard time," Stacie said. "Look, Becs, I know it's just a
business dinner, but if there's an opening, you fucking take it, okay?"
"Jesus Christ, Conrad," she said. "I'll call you tomorrow."
"Yeah, you will," Stacie said. "Love you!"
"Yeah I love you too," she said begrudgingly.
Billie was waiting on the street wearing jeans and a tight blue shirt. The
restaurant, she explained, was one of those places that was halfway down an
alley and didn't look like a restaurant. The actress stuck her hands in her
pockets as they walked.
"I hope I don't come off as a weirdo stalker," she said, "But when Justin said
he wanted you for the soundtrack I just about flipped it. I'm really excited to
be working with you, I'm a huge fan."
"Are you kidding? I'm a huge fan of yours," Beca said. "If had been just about
any other artist on their side of the table I probably would have turned it
down."
"Just about?"
"Even I'm not stupid enough to count out Beyoncé," Beca joked. "Seriously,
though I've avoided soundtracks til now." They were shown to table that was
fairly hidden from the rest of the room.
"Lucky me, then," Billie said with a smile. They ordered more food than most
people would have thought possible for the two women to pack away. But Billie
had raved about the pot stickers so they'd gotten three different kinds and
some spicy crab cakes.
They barely talked about the movie. They'd started talking about sound concepts
but then they'd gotten distracted talking about music they liked, then it just
kept going off on tangents until they somehow ended up talking about tattoos,
and Beca caught sight of Billie's watch.
"We gotta make a move," she said. "I have to be at the club soon."
"Are you sure it's okay for me to tag along?"
"Yeah of course," Beca said. "Normally my best friend Stacie comes. She's
working tonight though. Sometimes it gets boring up there." They got into
Beca's car and she drove toward the club.
The place was packed out as per usual, and Beca took Billie up to the booth. "I
don't want to be alarmist or a jerk," she said, "but the patrons here will
harass you all night if they get a hold of you. Selena Gomez was here a couple
weeks ago and it almost incited a fucking riot. But you can hang out here or
whatever."
"That sounds great," Billie said. "I just want to go grab a drink. You want
anything?" Beca pointed to her cooler of water.
"I'm set."
"Nothing a little harder?"
"Maybe after the set," she said. "Clear head while I'm spinning." Billie nodded
and went to get her drink. The set was good, great even. And Billie was a good
boothmate. She didn't interrupt when Beca was in the middle of something,
passed her water occasionally, and looked interested in what was going on
behind the desk. When Beca was done, they both went down to the VIP bar and had
a few drinks, Beca deciding she'd catch a taxi home and come grab her car and
gear in the morning. When they finally did call it a night it was early
morning. Beca and Billie exited through the employee doors, and waited out the
back for a couple of taxis to take them in their opposite directions.
"I had a lot of fun tonight," Billie said. "If you don't mind, I'd like to do
this again."
"Well, we're going to be spending every day in a studio together soon," Beca
said obliviously.
"As fabulous as that sounds, that's not what I meant," Billie said. Beca looked
at her confusedly.
"What did you mean?" she said. Billie shook her head, amused by Beca's complete
unawareness, and then stepped in toward her, kissing her. Beca's hands flew to
her waist, cradling it and deepening the kiss. Billie pushed her up against the
wall, tongue sliding against Beca's.
"You get what I mean now?" the older woman asked, pulling back slightly. Beca
nodded, eyes slightly dazed. "So we can do this again right?" Beca just pulled
her back in, needing to taste the bourbon in her mouth again. They kept at it
for a while.
"We can do this any time you like," Beca said eventually. Billie leaned in and
left another hot, messy kiss on Beca, before they heard cabs pulling up.
"I'll talk to you soon," she said to Beca.
"Awesome," Beca replied. They each got into their own cabs, Beca immediately
pulling out her phone and calling Stacie, forgetting that it was almost four
am.
"The fuck?" Stacie's voice came. "Who the fuck is this?"
"Stace," Beca said. "You up?"
"No, you fucking asshole, it's four in the morning," Stacie said drolly. "This
better be fucking important."
"She kissed me," Beca hissed into the phone.
"What?" Stacie asked, sounding more alert. "Say that again?"
"Billie West fucking kissed me," Beca repeated. "We went to dinner, she stayed
for my set, we had a few drinks and then we fucking made out against a brick
wall while we waited on cabs."
"I told you it was a date," Stacie laughed. "Damn, Beca."
"I thought it wasn't," Beca replied, "And then she fucking kissed me…"
"Must have been a hell of a kiss," Stacie said, "You keep saying that over and
over."
"Yeah, well I had to tell someone, so you should just be thankful you're on top
of my list," Beca said. "I'll let you get back to sleep. Call me in the
morning?"
"Of course," Stacie said. "I need to hear the filthy details. We'll do brunch."
"Okay," Beca said. "And sorry for waking you up."
"No you're not," Stacie said. "But that's okay." Beca hung up and sat silently
for the rest of the cab ride. When she got home, she kicked her shoes off at
the door, stripped her jeans off and fell face first onto her bed, falling
asleep with a smile on her face.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Beca and Stacie met the next day at one of their favorite restaurants. People
were generally pretty happy to pretend like she was there which was good. She
didn't really have a problem signing things or taking pictures but it was kind
of annoying when she was in the middle of a meal. They waited until the coffee
was delivered before they started talking about what happened the previous
night.
"So spill it," Stacie said. "How did it turn from a business dinner into making
out?"
"Well if I'm honest the business stuff didn't last long," Beca said. "We got
distracted, talked about music and tattoos and stuff."
"Of course. She's got ink?"
"Two, neither visible unless she's wearing a swimsuit, according to her."
"Uh huh, nice. Continue."
"Then she came to the club," Beca said. "You remember when Amy came and visited
and I almost killed her because she needed to be touching everything?"
"No way!? Tell me Billie wasn't as bad as Amy," Stacie groaned. That had been
an adventure, one that almost caused Beca to strangle Amy with her headphone
cord.
"She was the exact opposite. Kept some distance while I was in the middle of
something, asked a couple questions, made sure I had water," Beca said. "Which
is why I decided to hang around for a couple of beers afterward."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah. We didn't do anything except talk. No dancing or anything. And then we
decided it was time to call it so we went out back to wait for taxis and she
said she wanted to do it again," Beca said. "And me being a total dumbfuck
didn't get what she meant until she decided to stick her tongue down my
throat."
"Damn," Stacie laughed. "Was it good?"
"Jesus Stacie!" Beca exclaimed. Then she dropped her voice. "Remember that
theory I have where the most innocent looking girls kiss the dirtiest? Let's
just say I don't think it's a theory anymore."
"That good?"
"It just feels like it's not even real," Beca said. "She's a fucking movie
star, Stace. And she kissed me."
"Yeah well I think you're forgetting that you're just as famous as she is,"
Stacie pointed out. "So when are you going to call her?"
"I dunno. I don't wanna seem like a creeper."
"So that's why you text her and say you had a lot of fun and you want to see
her again but leave the rest of the details vague," Stacie said. "It lets her
know you're interested but gives her a window if she wants to take it slow."
"What would I do without you?" Beca asked. "I suck at the whole dating and
going out with girls thing."
"Yeah well this is the first time you've had a smile on your face over a girl
since you and that barista called it off two years ago," Stacie said. "I'd like
to stay there." Beca recalled the girl Stacie was talking about. Her name had
been Poppy and she was an art student by day and barista by night. Beca had
been frequenting the coffee shop because she was working late instead of
sleeping and they'd gotten to know each other. It had been fun, nothing serious
and it kind of just stopped, more than ended.
"True," Beca said. "Damn it's been a long time." She sent a text to Billie.
Hey I had a blast last night. Let's do it again whenever.
She set the phone down and they turned their attention to the food in front of
them. They were just finishing up and waiting on more coffee when her phone
vibrated. Stacie quirked an eyebrow at her.
"Would that be Miss West?" she asked. Beca checked her phone.
"It would," Beca said. She opened the text.
I had a great time too. I have ADR tomorrow afternoon but maybe dinner on
Tuesday?
Beca bit back her grin.
Absolutely. Anywhere specific?
The Cuban place near where we had dinner for the soundtrack pitch okay? 8pm?
Perfect. See you then.
"You're smiling like an idiot," Stacie said.
"We're going out Tuesday," she said. "Dinner at that Cuban restaurant you
like."
"Nice," Stacie said. She was planning on busting Beca's chops a little more but
she was just glad that her best friend looked so happy, especially given
everything with Aubrey had come back up. "If it turns into a thing I need to
meet her, you realize?"
"Of course, Stace. You're my best friend anyone I date is going to meet you,"
she said. "You're the litmus test. They don't click with you, I don't click
with them. You know that. How'd the dressmaking go last night anyway? Can't
believe you landed Zoe Saldana."
"I know, right? Lilah had a heart attack," Stacie said. "We've got it mocked
up, almost ready to cut a pattern. We'll have it done by the end of the week."
"Just imagine," Beca said. "Oscars carpet or some shit and they ask her who
she's wearing and she says, 'This? It's a Conrad Wade'."
"It's crazy," Stacie admitted. "I just hope this means we'll get some more high
profile clients."
"Who knows? I could always bring Billie by one day," Beca said. "She'd look
good in your stuff."
"Yeah, I'm thinking you'd think she looked good in just about anything," Stacie
said. Beca's phone vibrated again.
"It's Billie again," she said.
Are you free to talk?
"She wants to talk," Beca said. "I hope this isn't a bad sign."
"Let's settle up then," Stacie said. "I should head to the shop anyway." They
got up and paid the check, Stacie leaving after a kiss on the cheek and making
Beca promise to call if there was something wrong. Beca dialed the other girl.
"Hey," she said, trying to keep her cool. "You need to talk?"
"Yeah," Billie said in her raspy voice. "It sort of only just occurred to me
that there might be a lot of interest in people getting a photo of us together
on a date."
"Oh," Beca said. "Yeah, there will be. My assistant Miles thinks there's a lot
of cash in snapping me with a girl, since I've kept my shit on the down low for
so long."
"So I wanted to clarify that I still want us to go on a date," Billie said.
"But we might need to craft a party line if the paps show up. Because the last
time they got involved in one of my relationships the whole thing tanked and
I'd hate for us to flame out before we even begin. I'm not hesitant in the
wanting to go out with you, but it's our first date, you know?"
"Um, good idea," Beca said. "Well, why don't we just tell them we've got an
upcoming project together? It's not technically a lie. And if they call
Magnolia, Webber and the producers were there when we agreed to catch up about
the soundtrack."
"I think that'll work," she said. There was a moment of silence. "I hope they
don't show up though. I kind of want to kiss you again." Beca swallowed hard as
she flashed back to much earlier that morning.
"Did I lose you?" Billie's voice came.
"No, I was just remembering how much I enjoyed it," Beca said. Billie gave a
little laugh that made Beca swoon.
"Yeah, me too," she said. "I'm glad we cleared that up, Beca. I'll see you
Tuesday."
"Definitely," Beca said. She hung up the phone with a smile and shot a text to
Stacie.
It's all good. Just preparing for inevitable paps.Then she drove back to her
house to look over some work for her studio sessions the following week.
When Tuesday finally rolled around she found herself getting more and more
nervous as the day wore on. It seemed more intense, because Saturday hadn't
technically been a date, they just ended up making out. But this, this was a
date. Beca was going on a date with a beautiful actress and singer. She felt
incredibly unprepared for such a thing. But it was going to happen.
She rushed home from the studio to take a shower, changing into leather pants
and a top. She kept the hair and makeup simple, plus her hands were shaking too
much for her to apply her normal dose of eyeliner. She left with just enough
time to make it to restaurant for the reservation. When she pulled up, Billie
was already there, wearing some kind of playsuit and gladiator style sandals.
Beca thought she looked like a million bucks.
"Hey," she said, approaching the blonde. "You look amazing." A slight blush
made its way across Billie's face.
"Thanks," she said. "You too. Shall we?" They ducked into the restaurant
together. Billie spoke with the maître d and they were seated in a circular
booth in the far corner. It wasn't overly busy that night, it was quiet and
kind of perfect for a first date. They chatted over their menus, both forgoing
wine and sticking to water, and ordering with the barest of glances at the
options.
Beca couldn't believe how gorgeous she looked. She was sure she was staring
like a total weirdo, but she couldn't help it. She tried to focus on Billie's
eyes as she spoke but got distracted by them instead. Billie had to repeat
herself twice, which made Beca blush, but the blonde had laughed and said that
it was cute. They ate the food and kept talking, about what sorts of things
they'd worked on and when they'd decided to pursue their respective careers.
Later into the evening, their waiter delivered a billfold to them and walked
away. Billie looked up, confused because they hadn't asked for the check. Beca
opened it.
Cameras outside. Management would like to extend use of the personnel entrance
when you're ready.
"Paps," Beca said. "Outside. They're letting us know and they said we can use
their staff entry when we want to leave." She caught the waiter's eye and he
came back over.
"I've got a car parked out front," she said. "Is there any way we can get it
brought out back for later?"
"We can get it driven around," he said. "What kind of car?"
"It's a black 68 Camaro," Beca said, digging the keys out. "Easy on the gas
pedal, she doesn't need much. And can you bring the seat back up after you
recline it?"
"Sure thing," he said with a twinkle in his eye. Beca smiled. She did love that
car and she knew this kid was going to drive it and probably take a photo of
himself in it, but that was fine.
"And thank you," Beca said. "For the heads up." He nodded and disappeared
again.
"A 68 Camaro?"
"My grandfather used to have one," Beca said. " Mom's dad. I loved that car.
Even back then it was a showstopper." Billie was looking around the restaurant.
"Is something wrong?" Beca asked. Billie shook her head.
"I just wanted to see how full this place was, who might be able to see us,"
she said. Beca looked around and saw that for all intents and purposes, they
were alone. By the time she brought her attention back to Billie, the girl had
already scooted further around the booth to get closer to her. Beca smiled and
leaned in toward her.
This kiss wasn't like their first ones. It was missing the alcohol fueled
abandon, but it was still amazing. Billie's lips were warm and her mouth still
held the flavor of her meal. They kept it tame, though Beca was struggling to
keep herself from pushing her down on the table. Instead she let herself pull
back and she settled a hand on the blonde's thigh. It ended up being just in
time too, because the waiter returned with Beca's keys.
"Your car is bitchin," he said. He had a vaguely dreamy look in his eye.
"Yeah it is," she agreed.
"Would you like some dessert or coffee?" he asked.
"Do you guys still do that roast papaya dish?" Billie asked, her fingers
interlacing with Beca's on her thigh.
"We do," the waiter said.
"One of those," Billie said. "Cream and two spoons, please."
"And I'd love a latte," Beca said. "You?"
"No thanks," Billie said and the waiter left. She tucked her other foot up
under her thigh.
"You okay?" Beca asked.
"Yeah I am," Billie said. "Just - hear me out - I was so nervous about this.
You're kind of intimidating."
"I'm intimidating!?" Beca said disbelievingly. "Should have seen how nervous I
was today."
"Yeah, but you're like this massive superstar," Billie said. "In six years
you've managed to hit the peak of your industry. You've got this really
confident vibe and you're seriously good looking, too. But you carry it like
you either don't know or don't care, and both are a teeny bit scary."
"You say it like you're nobody," Beca said. "I've had a weird celebrity crush
on you for years."
"And here we are," Billie said with a smile.
"Yeah, here we are," Beca said. She leaned over to kiss her softly. Their
dessert arrived with Beca's coffee. Beca had never eaten papaya before but she
found she liked it; maybe she liked that Billie was all but feeding it to her.
"Should we settle the bill?" Billie asked. "I'm assuming you've got work in the
morning."
"Yeah I'm in studio with Ellie Goulding," Beca said. "Finishing up the master
of her record. Did you drive?"
"No, I don't own a car," Billie said. "I just cab it everywhere."
"Well, let me drive you," Beca said. Billie's eyes lit up.
"Yeah, okay," she said. "I kind of want to see this Camaro in action." The
waiter dropped their bill off and Beca signed for it, leaving a generous tip
for their thoughtfulness and discretion, and the manager showed them through
the staff exit.
Beca's Camaro was her favorite possession apart from her music gear. She hadn't
toyed too much with the engine at all, just made sure it was tuned up
regularly, but she had added a better sound system and a Bluetooth kit for her
phone. Beca held the door open for Billie as she slid into the passenger seat
and Beca got into the drivers side and turned the key. She navigated out of the
lot.
"So which direction am I headed?" she asked. They drove past the front of the
restaurant, spotting the cameras that had been waiting their exit. Once they'd
passed them, Billie wound her window down, hair catching in the wind.
"How imperative is it that you take me directly home?" she asked, raking it out
of her eyes with her hand. Beca smiled.
"I know just the spot," she said. She drove out to where the beaches began to
get a little further in between, and pulled over into the car-park she liked
that pretty much always seemed empty. The car was half visible from the road,
but trees masked the front end. She killed the engine and got out, Billie
following, and they sat on the hood of the car.
They talked for a while, both girls secretly pleased with how easy conversation
seemed to flow between them. Then Beca blurted out how beautiful she thought
Billie looked in the moonlight and reached out to tuck some hair behind her
ear. That had led to kissing and more kissing, which Beca was completely okay
with. Someone had to make out with movie stars and if it just happened to be
her, it was no skin off of her nose.
It started to get late so Beca offered to drive Billie home for real, which she
accepted. The blonde spent the entire drive with her hand two thirds of the way
up Beca's thigh, Beca with a smile on her face as she drove. She pulled up to
the house Billie shared with her roommate and friend James Atkinson, whom she'd
met on one of her very first movies. Feeling chivalrous, she took Billie's hand
and walked her to the door.
"So when do I get to see you again?" Billie asked.
"Well we have contracts on Thursday," Beca said teasingly, "though I'm pretty
sure you mean for non-work related purposes."
"Yep," Billie said, her arms sliding around Beca. Her hands came to rest on her
leather-clad ass. "Can I take you out Friday?"
"I would like that," Beca said. Their lips met and they got carried away,
Billie firmly grasping her ass and pulling her closer. Beca walked her toward
the wall and lightly pushed her against it, teeth softly digging into Billie's
lip as they made contact. The blonde let out a groan and the porch light
flicked on.
"Seriously Bill?" came a voice. The two girls pulled apart. Beca saw that
they'd been busted by her roommate. The blonde glared at him but was smiling.
"J, this is Beca Mitchell. Beca, James Atkinson," she said. "This would've gone
better if my hands weren't on her ass, huh?"
"Probably," he said with a grin. "Nice to meet you, Beca. And now I'm taking my
interrupting ass back inside." He closed the door and they both laughed a
little. Beca leaned in and kissed her again, and just as she was about to
deepen it, her phone began to ring. She sighed and pulled it out.
"It's just Stacie," she said, rejecting it and putting it back in her pocket.
"Stacie is...?"
"My best friend," Beca said. "The only person I trust enough in the world to
tell that we've been seeing each other. I want you to meet her. Not like, right
now. But at some point. She's very important to me."
"That'd be nice. But clearly the universe thinks we're done tonight. So...
Friday?"
"Yeah, Friday. Call me?"
"Sure," Billie said. She planted a swift kiss on Beca's lips and watched as she
made her way back to the car and drove away. Beca dialed Stacie and diverted
the call to her Bluetooth.
"Stace? You rang?"
"Did I interrupt something?" she said.
"Well yeah," Beca said. "But we'd already been interrupted by her roommate."
"You don't waste any time do you?"
"Nope," Beca said. "What did you need?"
"Nothing much just checking in. Are you home?"
"Nope I just dropped her off at her place," she said. "Coffee?"
"Yours or mine?" Stacie said. "Actually I have none."
"I'll pick up your favorite and come to yours," Beca said. "Donuts?"
"Always," Stacie said. "See you soon." Beca swung past a Dunkin Donuts for
coffee and a six-pack of Stacie's favorite donuts and drove out to her place.
Stacie was waiting on her balcony and buzzed Beca in when she saw her approach.
Then Beca joined her, handing her the donuts and coffee, and they got
comfortable.
"So you were out with Billie?"
"Yep," Beca said. "We went to dinner and then went and sat at the beach for a
bit."
"Which means you went parking," Stacie said, laughing. "You're a seventeen year
old boy."
"No, I'm a twenty six year old celebrity who enjoys a bit of privacy and can't
help that the hood of her Camaro in an out of the way car-park is ideal," Beca
said with a roll of her eyes.
"So it's going okay, though?" Stacie asked. "It's not just all making out is
it?"
"No, we talk," Beca said. "We haven't even managed to talk about the soundtrack
yet. Just… stuff. Nothing too heavy just yet. But it's nice, you know?"
"I'm happy for you, Beca," Stacie said. "I know it's early, but you seem
happy."
"I am," she said. "I don't understand why, or how, or any of it, but I'm glad
it's happening." Stacie didn't say anything. She knew Beca well enough to know
that she was going somewhere with this train of thought. She just picked up
another donut and waited the silence out.
"Stace, am I just getting involved with her because Aubrey showed up?" Beca
said. "I don't think I am, but the timing…"
"Well, I can't really answer that for you," Stacie said. "But I can ask some
questions that might help."
"Please," Beca said.
"When you're with her, do you think about Aubrey?" Beca thought for a moment.
"Not in the way I used to," Beca said. "But I'll admit that she crossed my
mind. Only because I was glad Billie was so straight to the point in kissing
me, she didn't play games or jerk me around. Like Aubrey did. It was more
realizing how much easier this shit is with Billie. I'm not guessing or waiting
around."
"Okay," Stacie said. "When you kissed her?"
"Didn't even enter my mind at all," Beca said firmly. "Billie is a great
kisser. Jesus." Stacie let her spend a moment in her daydream before
continuing.
"And if Aubrey hadn't shown up this week, and Billie had still kissed you,
would you have still kissed her back?"
"God yeah," Beca said. Then she smiled. "Thanks, Stace. I needed that."
"I know," she said. "So when do I get to meet her? No fair that her roommate
has met you and I haven't met her."
"Well I'll see if she wants to hang out while I play Saturday night," Beca
said. "If you show, you can meet her then."
"Deal," Stacie said. She caught sight of the time. "Jesus, it's late. Do you
wanna crash here?"
"May as well," Beca said. "Wake me up before you go to the gym so I can go home
and shower. I really don't wanna sit around in the studio in leather pants all
day."
"No, I'd think not," Stacie said. They got up and deposited the leftover donuts
in the kitchen. "I think you've still got stuff in the bottom drawer if you
wanna change. And your stuff in the bathroom hasn't moved." They often stayed
at each other's places, especially on weekends or when they'd had a few drinks.
"Thanks Stace," Beca said. She headed into the guest room. Sure enough she had
a t-shirt and some other stuff in there. She pulled the shirt out and saw a
phone charger as well, then she changed and washed up, then climbed into bed.
She plugged her phone in, and just as she settled into the pillow it vibrated.
Billie.
Are you asleep?
Beca grinned.
Nope.
Her phone buzzed as Billie rang. She picked it up. "What's keeping you awake?"
"I don't know," Billie said. "Talk to me. Tell me things."
"Things like what?" Beca asked.
"I don't know. What's your favorite color? Flower? How do you take your
coffee?"
"Okay," Beca laughed. "Um, my favorite color is blue. Not quite navy, but a
deep blue. I like a latte with no sugar, except first thing in the morning or
when I'm hungover, then I like it black. And my favorite flowers are tulips."
"Tulips, not roses?" Billie said.
"Never roses," Beca said vehemently.
"That sounds like there's a story there," Billie said. "Go ahead."
"I dunno," Beca said. "It might be a little heavier than first date material."
"I'm not going anywhere," Billie said. "Plus I called you to talk after we've
literally just been out, that has to say that I'm interested in a little more
than your smoking hot body."
"There's two reasons I don't like roses," Beca said. "One is my dad. Every
Wednesday my dad would buy roses for my mom. Everyone thought it was cute, real
romantic. But then one Wednesday he brought them home as usual, and the next
day he was gone."
"Shit, Beca. I'm sorry, I didn't realize… If you don't want to share this kind
of stuff-"
"No, it's okay," Beca said. "Call me crazy but I trust you."
"What's the second reason?"
"There was this guy," Beca said. "In college. First two years, he pretty much
followed me around non stop. He knew I was gay, I'd told him as much. But he'd
keep asking me out, sending me roses, serenading me. I guess I associate roses
with people who don't care about me. My dad obviously didn't care that he was
waltzing out because I didn't hear from him for twelve years. Jesse didn't care
because he kept treating my being gay like an obstacle he could overcome with
persistence and charm."
"I'll make a note to never buy you roses," Billie said. "Whatever happened to
the guy?"
"I dropped out of college and he became a non-entity," she said. "What about
you? Same questions."
"I like green. But a foresty kind of green. Something dark," she said. "Um, my
coffee order is a mocha with sugar. Bad for me, I know. And my favorite flowers
are poppies."
"I can see you and poppies," Beca said.
"I don't feel like I've shared an equal amount of information here," Billie
said.
"By all means, keep talking. I could listen to you recite the phone book," Beca
said. "Your voice is sexy."
"Really now?" Billie asked playfully.
"Definitely," Beca said. "Tell me something nobody knows about Billie West."
"Ah. I'm not without my secrets," she said. "This is a big one. Nobody knows
about this except James and my parents."
"Go for it," Beca said.
"Did you know I have a brother?" Billie asked. Beca remembered maybe reading
that somewhere.
"I think I read it somewhere," she said.
"Well, Mitch is schizophrenic," she said. "He got diagnosed when he was
nineteen. He tried to kill me."
"Fucking what!?"
"He was having his first psychotic break," Billie said. "He could hear voices
and they convinced him I wasn't real so held a knife to me. I was fourteen. He
didn't actually hurt me, my dad saw him and distracted him from me enough so I
could run out, and then he tackled him."
"Wow, Billie, that's intense," Beca said. "How is he now?"
"He's good," Billie said. "He takes medication, has a job, we talk a lot."
"Well, that's good," Beca said. "I can't imagine how scary that must have
been."
"The event itself was only scary while it was happening," Billie said. "The
ongoing fear was worse. That ongoing feeling that something was wrong with my
big brother, that he couldn't seem to get himself together." Beca heard Billie
stifle a yawn.
"Are you getting tired?" Beca asked.
"A little," Billie said.
"Get some sleep," Beca replied. "I'll text you or something tomorrow."
"Okay," the other girl said. "Thanks for talking to me."
"Any time." Beca was about to hang up when she heard her speak again.
"Hey Beca?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm really glad we're doing this," Billie said. "I feel like we clicked very
easily. It's comfortable."
"I feel the same," Beca said. She could feel the grin spreading across her
face. "Goodnight." She hung up and plugged her phone back in. Then she lay down
with her hands behind her head, staring up at Stacie's guest room roof until
she fell asleep.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Beca couldn't figure out when she'd turned into a teenager, but she spent the
next day and a half grinning like an idiot when her phone beeped with a message
from Billie. They had continued much in the same vein as their late night
conversation, trading little bits of information about themselves. Beca had
learned that Billie had a dog as a kid, a spaniel named Lenny for some reason,
she was allergic to pineapple, and that she regretted getting her first tattoo,
which was an anchor on her hip. When Beca had asked why she didn't just get it
removed, Billie had said that she kept it as a reminder that, sometimes, ill -
considered ideas had lasting effects. Billie, on the other hand, had learned
that Beca didn't regret any of her tattoos, there were six of them, and she
never really had a pet because she was allergic to cats and dogs were a bad
idea in a city apartment.
Thursday rolled around soon enough and Beca was waiting for a number of people
to show up so they could do contracts for the soundtrack to the movie. Aubrey
arrived first with Sayid, then Justin Tao showed up with Billie and Damien. The
fine details would be that they would be going into the studio for three weeks
beginning the following week, and then Beca would spend another week (or two if
need dictated it) finishing off the master. That seemed to satisfy everyone, so
Sayid quickly took care of compiling the contracts and they waited for them to
print.
Aubrey noticed Beca seemed to be in quite a good mood, laughing and joking with
the three people from Magnolia. It was certainly a change from the cool
deference she'd displayed at their first meeting. She still thought Beca was
gorgeous, moreso when she was laughing and happy. She tried to squish the
thought down – she had no business thinking of Beca as anything other than a
client. A client who was currently dropping a joke that nobody seemed to get
but the blonde actress by the window, but a client nonetheless.
As the meeting drew to a close, everyone started gathering their stuff
together. Beca looked up from where she was seated on the edge of her desk.
"Hey, Billie, hang around, I've got some ideas we can run through if you're
free."
"I'm free," she said with a smile, and Aubrey thought she saw a hint of
something in her eyes. Then she dispelled the idea all together, deciding she
was just reading too far into things. She left with a polite farewell and
closed the door behind her. Beca buzzed her assistant.
"Hey Miles, am I off book for the day?" she asked. It was three o'clock.
"You are," he said. "Nothing until 9am tomorrow."
"Then I'm going for coffee," she said. "You should take off, too. Have an early
day. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Thanks, Beca," he said. "My girlfriend wants to drag me to some wine tasting
thing and I was going to cut it pretty close."
"Have fun, and remember, spit the wine out otherwise you'll be too fucked to
drive," she said. She could hear him laughing through the closed office door.
They heard a few rustling noises as Miles gathered his stuff together and left.
Then Beca took Billie's face in her hands and kissed her hard.
"Sorry," she said. "I really didn't want to have to wait until tomorrow to do
that."
"No complaints here," Billie said. She leaned in again and they fell into an
easy embrace, bodies pressing against each other as they kissed.
"And now I'm going to kill the mood, but I actually did have some ideas," Beca
said. "So let's grab the coffee and come back here?"
"Okay," Billie said. "Is there a good place nearby?"
"The Starbucks is good," Beca said. "They know how I like my coffee. I'll even
buy you a muffin."
"Oooh, big spender," Billie teased. They strolled down to get their coffee and
muffins and returned to Beca's office. So they wouldn't get carried away doing
other things, they left the office door open and Beca showed her a few things
that had popped into her head randomly.
Beca was glad that Billie wasn't passive when it came to work, she was very
clear in her ideas and she could articulate her vision well. They ended up
tossing ideas around until dinner, and decided to order a pizza in to the
office and keep going. Beca tipped the pizza guy and closed the office door,
bringing it over to one of the tables they'd been working at. Billie kicked her
shoes off and they ate on one of the low leather couches, her legs over Beca's
lap. Beca held the pizza in one hand, the other softly stroking the skin of
Billie's leg as they laughed and talked between bites.
The pizza box was left ignored on the table eventually, Billie tugging Beca
toward her. Kissing Billie West was becoming one of Beca's favorite things to
do. Their kisses were unhurried and slow. Billie's hands were firm, one sliding
up her shirt and the other on the side of her face. They made out like
teenagers for a while, until Beca decided to let her hand reach up to Billie's
chest. It wrought a soft but undeniably sexy gasp from the blonde, their eyes
meeting for a moment. There was a shift in the intensity of their embrace,
hands now unabashedly wandering over skin previously left untouched, kisses
growing more intense by the second.
"Ms Mitchell?" a voice interrupted, complete with loud knocking on the door.
The two of them sprang apart like they'd been busted by their parents,
composing themselves just in time for the door to open.
"God, Owen, you scared me," Beca said, addressing the security guard.
"Sorry, Ms Mitchell," he said. "Saw the lights on, didn't know you were here so
late."
"Yeah, we got caught up brainstorming ideas for a project," she said, gesturing
to the open laptop and discarded pizza box. "We're about ready to call it a
night."
"Sorry to disturb," he said respectfully. "I'll see you tomorrow." He closed
the door behind himself. The two women just looked at each other and burst out
laughing.
"Maybe we really should call it a night," Billie said. Beca kissed her
chastely.
"Maybe," she said. "That could have been pretty hard to explain if he'd walked
in about ten minutes later." Billie's eyes were dark, the both of them
breathing a little more rapidly than normal. Beca leaned in and kissed her
again, and for a moment they got caught up, until Billie pulled away.
"I don't really want to stop," she said, "But I'm pretty sure we can manage
somewhere better than a couch in your office for our first time."
"You're right," Beca said. "Let me drive you home." They tidied up and locked
the office, Beca making sure she'd left the building secure, and Beca drove
Billie home. They were both a little disappointed when they saw a cluster of
cars parked in front of Billie's house.
"Looks like all the boys are here," Billie said with a sigh.
"It's okay," Beca said. "I just don't know if I'm ready for eight of James'
friends to find out about us."
"I know I'm definitely not," Billie said. "Plus it looks like one of them is
Mario and he can't keep his mouth shut for money. I'll see you tomorrow?"
"Seven o'clock," Beca said. Billie kissed her and left the car, Beca waiting
until she'd gotten to the door to drive away.
The next night, Beca picked Billie up from her house. Not necessary, the blonde
had said, but Beca had insisted. They'd arrived at the restaurant and were
immediately spotted by camera wielding men. Beca wanted nothing more than to
hold Billie's hand right now, but she refrained.
"Billie! Beca! Over here!" came the almost parrot like calls as they headed for
the restaurant. "Is this a date!?" They kept walking, but the photographers
were insistent, so Billie turned to address them.
"Okay, since it was all made official yesterday," she began, "I'll say this,
and you guys can leave us alone. Beca has signed on to collaborate on the
soundtrack for Echo, the movie I just wrapped. We're working together, and
we're writing an entire soundtrack over the next couple of weeks so you're
probably going to see us together a lot." Cameras flashed.
"Sure it's not a date?" someone asked.
"Did you not just hear what she said buddy?" Beca said. "Magnolia signed me up
to work on a soundtrack with Billie. Now if you'll excuse us…" they ducked into
the restaurant.
"God I hate paparazzi," Billie muttered.
"Fucking vultures," Beca said. "I'm sure my disdain for them is evident in my
eyes whenever they show up." An older man came and greeted Billie like they
were old friends and showed them to a table.
"I'll bring wine," he said.
"I come here a lot," Billie supplied. "They do seriously good food, and I once
watched Abir throw a guy out of here for taking photos on his cell. Literally
threw him, though. Grabbed him by the collar and all. He believes technology
interrupts a meal."
"Sounds like a solid idea," Beca said. "Let me put my phone on silent." She
flicked her phone onto silent and stuck it back in her pocket, turning her
attention to the girl sitting across from her. Gorgeous was the only word Beca
could come up with. She was just wearing a simple dress and flats and not much
makeup that Beca could discern, not that she was an expert, but she looked
amazing.
"You're staring," Billie said.
"Can't help it," Beca said. "You've seen you, right?"
"Yeah, you're not so bad yourself, Mitchell," she said. "I definitely wouldn't
kick you out of bed." Beca felt the blush color her cheeks and the elderly man
returned with a bottle of wine, pouring them both glasses and leaving the
bottle.
"Are there menus?" Beca asked.
"No," Billie said. "He'll just start bringing food out."
"Seriously?" she said.
"I hope you're hungry," Billie said. "Because once it starts, it won't stop."
Not long after, food began appearing at the table. Beca had never eaten much
traditional Middle Eastern food before, and she wondered why after sampling the
first few dishes. There wasn't much time between each dish arriving, so there
wasn't really a gap for any conversation, but it didn't feel stilted or weird.
It wasn't until somewhere around dish four that Beca felt Billie's foot on her
calf, brushing up and down softly, a very knowing look on her face.
Beca wasn't an idiot. Things between them were moving a lot faster than she
first anticipated. They'd barely been seeing each other a week, but she was
basically ready to tear Billie's clothes off given the next appropriate moment.
The girl was hot. She was intelligent but sassy and at times a little dirty,
and they had just connected in a way she hadn't felt in years. Right now the
blonde was looking at her like she wanted her naked on top of the table, and if
there hadn't been anyone else in the room, Beca wouldn't have put up a fight.
She didn't really register the rest of the meal, only that it was delicious and
that she thought she might explode due to how full she was. They finished off
the wine, Beca surrendering her car keys to Abir, who promised it would be fine
and called them a cab, right after he brought them bitter Turkish coffee.
Billie handed him her credit card, and he returned it with a kiss on the cheek
for Billie and an embrace for Beca, making them promise to come again. Beca
held the door open for Billie so they could go and wait for the taxi, noticing
that her leg was vibrating, as it had done a few times during the night. She
sighed and tugged her cell out, immediately frowning.
"What's wrong?" Billie asked.
"Stacie's called me nine times," she said. "That can't be good."
"Call her back," Billie prompted. Beca dialed her best friend.
"Ohmygodthisisridiculous," Stacie rambled incoherently. "Beca, I can't fucking
do this. I keep looking at this thing thinking it's okay but I'm pretty sure
it's shit and I have no business selling this to Zoe fucking Saldana."
"Whoa, hold on crazy pants," Beca said. "What the fuck?"
"I am packing myself right now because this dress could potentially launch our
label to where we've always wanted it to be, or it could crush us and kill
everything we've worked for," she said in a much more even tone.
"Stace, your stuff is incredible. Hell, I don't even like dresses. But you know
what looks good, and you somehow know what makes a person feel like a million
bucks," Beca said. "You've got this shit on lock."
"This is big, Beca," she said. "I'm being very irrational and I know it, but I
can't stop it."
"Give me a sec here, Stace," Beca held her hand over the receiver, seeing
Billie's confused look.
"Stacie designs dresses and Zoe Saldana is coming to pick up a custom made
dress tomorrow and Stacie's shitting herself because the future of her business
is basically riding on this," she explained quickly.
"Go," Billie said immediately. "She needs you." Beca was surprised. And she was
definitely in two minds about it.
"You sure?" she asked, locking eyes with her.
"You're her best friend," Billie said. "I'd do the same for James. If this was
make or break for you would she be here?"
"In a heartbeat," Beca said. "But…" She let it trail off, but Billie knew what
she was referring to.
"Some other time," Billie said. "I'm starting to feel like the build up is just
going to make it better." Beca relayed to Stacie that she was coming over and
she'd be there soon, which seemed to appease her.
"Do you have plans for tomorrow?" Beca said to Billie after she'd hung up.
"No," Billie said. "Making an offer?"
"I was supposed to spin but they pulled the set for a live band instead so I'm
all yours. I'll text you my address, drop round in the afternoon," Beca said.
"Bring a swimsuit. We'll be alone, away from cameras."
"I'll be there," Billie said. "You better believe I'll be there." Their eyes
met and Beca wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss her, but there were
quite a few people around.
"I really want to kiss you right now," she said softly. The taxi pulled up and
Billie leaned in to ask the driver to call for another for Beca. Billie wrapped
her arms around her quickly, so that it looked casual for anyone who might be
watching.
"Me too," Billie said. "Tell Stacie I said good luck." She let go and got into
the cab.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Beca said, and closed the taxi door, then leaned
against the wall to wait for the next taxi.
She was at Stacie's soon enough, and went into the kitchen to find something
that would calm her best friend's nerves. Finding a bottle of bourbon, she
poured two with Coke and ice, and set it in front of her best friend at the
small dining table. Her knee was bouncing relentlessly as she took the drink.
"Thanks," she said. "Beca, I know I interrupted your date. I'm really sorry."
"It's cool," Beca said. "Billie practically made me come over. She gets it.
You're the most important person in my life, Stace. You're my best friend, but
you're also my family. And you're melting down a little, so here I am with
bourbon and a listening ear."
"Are you drunk?" Stacie asked curiously.
"Not quite," Beca said. "Happily intoxicated for sure, but not drunk."
"Good date then?" Stacie asked.
"I thought we were here to talk about your problems," Beca said, swirling her
glass around.
"Now you can distract me from them with tales of how the dating life of Beca
Mitchell is going," Stacie said. "And look at that shit eating grin on your
face. You slept with her, didn't you?"
"No," Beca said, laughing. "Not yet, anyway. There's been plenty of buildup.
Including tonight. But it's good, Stace. It feels good."
"What are you guys doing about press though?" Stacie asked.
"Telling them it's for the movie," Beca said. "She's hesitant after all the
shit that happened with her ex. And you know how I feel about paps." They
continued to talk about Beca and Billie, and Stacie and her thoroughly bemoaned
lack of a love life.
"You're a good distraction Mitchell," Stacie said. "I owe you."
"Please. Like you say, one of us always owes the other for something." Beca
said. "Now you need to get to bed and get some proper sleep. Can't sell a dress
to Zoe Saldana looking busted."
"And you're going to be a hungover wreck from hell, bitch," Stacie said back.
"Yes, but you will be working tomorrow, and I'm going to lie around the pool
with a smoking hot blonde," Beca said sticking her tongue out at her. Stacie
smacked her on the back of the head and Beca got up and hugged her before she
made her way into the spare room, where she fell onto the bed without
undressing.
Stacie was gone when Beca woke the next morning, but she'd left a bottle of
water next to a bottle of Advil on the nightstand. There was a note next to it
that simply read:
Suck it Mitchell. I woke up flawless. What about you?
She smiled and downed some of the Advil. As she padded into the kitchen she
cursed herself from last night for drinking bourbon after the wine. She made a
cup of black coffee and went back into the bedroom. Her phone had a text
waiting from Billie.
Did you calm Stacie down okay?
Sure did. Still up for coming over later?
I was hoping that offer still stood. 2 o'clock okay?Beca grinned and texted her
back.
Definitely. I'll see you then.She sent another text with her address. Then she
checked her watch and saw that it was already almost twelve, so she figured she
better move. She showered and left Stacie's, taking a cab back to collect her
car from Abir's restaurant. She picked up some groceries and some beer and
headed back to her house. Thankfully, it was relatively clean, except for a
collection of takeout coffee cups in her home studio. She ignored them, and
went to change into a swimsuit.
She heard the doorbell ring as she threw an old White Stripes t-shirt on over
her shorts and swimsuit. Billie was on the doorstep, looking every bit the
California girl in tiny denim shorts and a loose fitting tank over a bikini.
Beca ushered her inside and gave her a quick tour before they headed out the
back. Beca had spent a decent chunk of cash on her patio and surroundings.
There was a separate bathroom with an entrance on the deck and storage so she
didn't have to go inside at all. She had a pool put in and during the summer
months, she and Stacie could be found lounging around that pool almost every
day.
"Gorgeous deck," Billie said. "I'd live out here all summer."
"I do," Beca said. "There's beer in the fridge, music over there, there's a
bathroom through that door, and there's no reason to go inside."
"I'm dying to jump in, it's like a million degrees," Billie said.
"Don't let me hold you back," Beca said. "I'll grab a couple of towels." She
headed for the storage closet just off the deck and pulled two towels out. She
turned just in time to see Billie pulling her shirt off and setting it down on
one of the sun loungers with her shorts and sunglasses. Beca stared unabashedly
at the blonde. Red bikini, naturally. It probably only just barely qualified as
clothes, not that Beca was complaining. She kept her eyes glued on her as she
dived in and then resurfaced. She got out of the pool, slid her sunglasses back
on and then lowered herself back into the water.
"What are you waiting for, Mitchell? An engraved invitation?" she said. Beca
brought the towels down and stripped off, not bothering to take her sunglasses
off before she jumped in.
"It's pretty perfect," Billie said. "Not so cold you wanna die, but a perfect
temperature for a scalding hot day like today." Beca noticed her staring at her
body through the water.
"See something interesting?" she asked.
"Just checking out the tattoos," Billie said. "The headphones aren't news, or
the grasshopper, or the flowers. But the other three… You told me you had them.
Tell me about them? I find tattoo stories fascinating."
"Well the headphones are pretty self explanatory, I think," Beca said. "The
grasshopper is for my grandfather. The one with the Camaro. He used to call me
grasshopper as a kid. I was tiny but energetic, according to him."
"That's cute," Billie said.
"The flowers were mom's favorite," Beca said. "And the one on my back, the song
lyrics. She was crazy for The Beatles, Paul McCartney especially. She used to
sing to me all the time, and when I got older we'd sing together. All You Need
is Love was one of our favorites. When she died, I got 'There's nowhere you can
be that isn't where you're meant to be' tattooed on my back."
"How long ago did she pass away?" Billie asked.
"I was seventeen," she said. "That was the first tattoo I ever got, the day I
turned eighteen. Then there's the matching music wrapped around my ankle, same
song. And lastly the little phoenix on my hip."
"What's the story there?" Billie asked.
"I had a thing a number of years ago. Real bad. Leveled me to the ground. It
took me a long time to come back from it, but I managed it. Managed to build
myself out of the ashes," Beca said. She didn't mention that the thing was a
girl, especially a girl who'd shown up the previous week. "Now what about
yours?"
"Well, I already told you about the anchor," Billie said. "Then there's the
Keats." She pointed to the delicate script that rested just below the line of
her bikini top.
"John Keats?" Beca asked.
"Yeah. A thing of beauty is a joy forever, its loveliness increases, it will
never pass into nothingness," she said. Beca's hand reached out for the script
and brushed it softly. Billie shuddered, though it had nothing to do with the
coolness of the water. Beca brought her hand up to Billie's face and pulled it
toward her own. It started off softly, but within minutes the embrace had
turned passionate and hot. But this time there was nothing to stop them. They
somehow managed to make it out of the pool and back inside just as Beca's hands
reached for the tie on Billie's top. She undid it and then did the same to the
top one, hands immediately reaching out to claim the exposed flesh of her
breasts.
Billie let out a moan and then Beca felt her lips on her neck, kissing upwards
and delivering a soft nip to the spot below her ear. Billie tugged her top off
and then slid her hands down, cupping underneath Beca's ass cheeks firmly. The
nearest bedroom was one of the guest rooms, so Beca steered them toward the
doorway. She pushed Billie up against the doorframe and let the fingers of one
hand run along the top of her bikini bottom. The noise Billie let out was
basically a soft growl, so Beca tugged her in and pushed her toward the bed.
Stripping her own bottom off, she climbed onto the bed and divested Billie of
hers as well, before lowering her body onto the blonde's. Her mouth was drawn
to her breasts, pulling the nipple of each between her teeth in turn, sucking
and licking them as her hands caressed her body. Billie was biting on her full
bottom lip, head tilted back in ecstasy.
"God, Beca," she gasped. It spurred her on, her mouth descending and her hands
taking their place on her breasts. She kissed her way along taut, tan skin and
finally nudged Billie's legs apart. She let a fingertip gently separate her
folds and felt the body beneath her tense. She ran it through the wetness a few
times, before gently pushing it inside about halfway. Billie whimpered needily,
so she pushed it all the way in. Then she added a second finger, smiling as
Billie swore in relief as she began to build up a rhythm. She leaned her head
down so she could gently lap at Billie's clit, the action bringing Billie's
hands into her hair as if magnetic. She pulled not-too-lightly and begged her
to keep going.
That was not a problem for Beca. She was quite enjoying making the blonde buck
beneath her, and set about driving her crazy. She tongued her clit erratically,
fingers still pumping. She added a third and let the tip of her tongue graze
her clit as quickly as she could. Billie was starting to tighten around her
fingers so she angled them slightly and left sloppy kisses on her inner thigh
before she took her clit into her mouth, swirling her tongue around it. Billie
let out a wail and yanked on Beca's hair as she came, body shaking and sheening
in sweat. Beca crawled up to her face and kissed her, trying not to let her own
need overwhelm her. She was about ready to explode.
Billie could feel it though, because in an instant Beca was on her back with
her legs hooked over Billie's shoulders. Billie was stroking her skin as Beca
steadied herself. "Hope you don't mind," she said. "But this is one of my
favorite things in the world. So I'm going to take my time if it's alright with
you."
She certainly did take her time. Beca wasn't new to sex. Or having a girl go
down on her. But Billie was something else. She was going at it like someone
was going to take it away. Her tongue was magic, somehow managing to drive deep
into Beca and then delicately trace her lips or clit. She used her teeth as
well, nothing violent, but dragging them softly over her clit, making Beca jolt
every time. Beca was sure she'd never been so wet, or so thoroughly fucked, in
her entire life. When she did finally come, it was with a moan and a string of
swear words that made Billie chuckle against her abdomen as she kissed her way
upward.
"Worth the wait," Billie said, nuzzling into her neck.
"So worth the wait," Beca said, pulling her into a lazy kiss. "God I needed
that."
"You too?" Billie said. "It's been longer than I'd like."
"Same," Beca said. "I mean, my hand is one thing, but that, that was a
different level all together." Billie ran a hand through Beca's hair and
peppered her jawline with kisses.
"For the record, I'm planning on doing that again, since we have the whole
day," she said.
"I'm not complaining," Beca said. "But I'm feeling like a drink break wouldn't
hurt." Billie pinned her down and kissed her hard. Beca felt her body begin to
switch back on already.
"Okay," she said with an easy smile. "But no putting clothes on." She got up
and stretched her body out.
"Whatever you like," Beca said, watching intently. Then she got up and led the
blonde back into the kitchen for rehydration.
***** Chapter 4 *****
After another round in the bedroom, Beca was standing in front of the
refrigerator with Billie wrapped around her from behind. They were both
starving. Just as Beca was about to suggest ordering in, her phone began to
ring from the counter.
"It's Stacie," Billie said, peering over at the screen.
"Ooh this could be her telling me how it went with the dress," Beca said, and
hurriedly picked it up. "Stace?"
"SHE LOVED IT!" Stacie shouted. "Ugh, I was having a heart attack for nothing,
but she put it on and was all in love with it and stuff."
"That's awesome, Stacie, I told you it'd be fine."
"Tell her to come over and we'll celebrate," Billie said.
"You sure?" Beca mouthed. Billie nodded. "Hey Stace, you and Lilah should get
over here. We'll have drinks. Billie's here, we'll just order in some food or
something."
"You sure? We're not cockblocking?"
"Too late for that," Beca said. Stacie laughed and relayed the invitation to
Lilah.
"Lilah asked if she could bring Blake and Angus," she said. Blake was her
husband of two years and Angus was their four month old son.
"Of course," Beca said. "The more the merrier." She hung up and turned to
Billie.
"She's coming?" Billie asked.
"Yeah. Lilah is coming too and bringing her husband and baby," she said. "Hey,
you should call James up and get him over here as well, if he has no plans."
"You sure?" Billie asked.
"Yeah I'm sure," Beca said. "You call him, I'll go put clothes on."
"No," Billie whined. "That's it, call them all back and tell them it's off."
She was obviously joking. Beca leaned in and kissed her, arms instinctively
sliding low around her waist. Billie relinquished her after that and went to
call James. Stacie was first to arrive, with wine in hand. Beca told her to
stick it in the fridge to chill and then come out onto the deck so she could
meet Billie.
"Stacie, this is Billie West," Beca said. "Billie, Stacie Conrad."
"Nice to meet you, finally," Stacie said.
"You too," Billie said. "Congrats on Zoe Saldana, by the way."
"Thank you," Stacie said. "God that was nerve wracking."
"I don't mean to talk shop while we're supposed to be celebrating, but tell me
about your line," Billie said. "I'm always interested in good clothes." Stacie
gladly launched into telling Billie about Conrad Wade. The doorbell went again
after a few moments, Lilah and Blake arriving with little Angus. Beca kissed
them both on the cheek, choosing not to disturb the sleeping Angus, and
directed them to the deck. James arrived just as she was going to close the
door.
"Hey Beca," he said. "Thanks for the invite."
"No problem," she said. "I've got some friends here, Billie should, too."
"Sweet," he said. "Lead the way." They all mingled out on the deck, introducing
themselves to each other. James spotted the grill and asked Beca why they were
ordering when they could grill.
"You offering?" Beca said.
"Yeah," he said, shrugging.
"I'll help," Blake said. Beca pointed them to the kitchen and told them they
had free reign and to holler if they needed anything. The girls were mingling
around the deck, the infant sleeping in the carrier at the end of the table,
talking about nothing specific.
"I've been on Beca's case about meeting you," Stacie was saying to Billie.
"Calm down," Beca laughed. "You're acting like Billie and I have been doing
this… whatever this is… for years instead of a week."
"Yeah I know," Stacie said. "I just wanted to meet the girl making my bestie so
happy." Angus began crying, a soft little wail, and Lilah got up.
"He'll be hungry," she said. "Can I feed him inside, Beca? It's a bit cooler in
there."
"Go for it," Beca said. "Anywhere you like." She picked the tiny baby up and
disappeared, Blake kissing the top of his head as they passed. The others
decided that they'd get drinks and get in the water, picking up beers and
keeping them by the edge of the pool. The guys soon joined in after marinating
a bunch of meat and slicing and skewering vegetables. A short while later,
Lilah returned with a much more satisfied and alert baby, passing him off to
Blake. The little boy seemed enthralled by the water, happily splashing and
kicking his legs.
The men got out first, ready to start cooking, Stacie taking over Angus duty.
She tried to pass him off to Beca at one point, but she was hesitant around the
tiny human. Lilah took him off Stacie's hands, proclaiming it was probably time
to get changed and get ready for a sleep. The guys had all but finished dinner,
so the girls got out to grab plates and cutlery, and more drinks.
Beca was impressed at the spread Blake and James had managed to pull together
with what she had around the house. It was a veritable feast, and there was
plenty left over that Beca took inside to pack into Tupperware for everyone to
take some home. Lilah and James had left with Angus moments before, needing to
get him home to bed. Beca sipped her beer as she put the last of the food into
the fridge and stacked up the dishwasher. When she turned around, Billie was
leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen.
"So earlier you said something to Stacie," Billie said. "The 'whatever this is'
thing."
"Yeah," Beca said, swallowing the last of her beer. "I didn't want to presume
anything until we've had a conversation about that ourselves." Billie came in
and sat up on the counter, pulling Beca between her legs and tangling their
fingers together.
"Well, let's have the conversation then," Billie said. "I know it's only been a
week but I'd say things are going well."
"Very well," Beca said. "You make me smile, Billie West." That made Billie grin
and bite her lip.
"Yeah you too," she said. "And the sex is pretty fucking great, just saying."
"Oh yeah," Beca said eyes dropping to Billie's lips.
"And even though we never actually specified, I assumed this was an exclusive
thing?" Billie asked.
"Yep. I only do exclusive things."
"So maybe we can change the 'whatever this is' thing to a 'dating and you're my
girlfriend' thing," she said. "Not telling press though, just for us to have
confirmation for ourselves. And our friends." Beca leaned in and kissed her.
"I would really like that," Beca said, mouth still pressed against Billie's.
They got caught in a heated kiss, Billie's legs locking around Beca. Beca's
hands were pushed flat on the counter so she could stand on her toes to reach
Billie better.
"Jesus Christ take it to the bedroom with that shit," Stacie said, clapping her
hand over her eyes as she entered.
"Sorry," Beca said, her tone indicating she wasn't sorry in the slightest.
Billie had a hand tangled in her hair. "What's up?"
"I'm about to call a cab," Stacie said. "James wanted me to check with Billie
and see if she wants to split one."
"I think you should stay," Beca said to her pointedly. "James is a big boy, I'm
sure he can find his own way home."
"Can't argue with that," Billie said. "You two go ahead."
"And you can all come pick up your cars whenever," Beca said. "Actually I take
that back. Anyone who comes before ten am will be told to fuck off."
"Please I'll be in bed til then," Stacie said. "As you were." She sailed out.
"It's okay for me to stay?" Billie asked.
"Definitely," Beca said. She kissed her lightly.
"You know," Billie said. "James asked me about Stacie earlier."
"Oh yeah?" Their fingers were toying together.
"Yeah. Thinks she's cool. And really pretty. Which, objectively, is true," she
continued. "If you hadn't told me she was completely hetero I'd be worried."
"I've never met anyone straighter," Beca said.
"He asked if she was seeing anyone." Beca pulled back. "He's interested, as
long as she's single, that is."
"She's single," Beca confirmed. "I'll talk to her tomorrow and see if she'd
mind if we passed on her phone number. They seemed to get along pretty well."
"He also said to make sure she knew that if the beard was a deal breaker it's
for a movie and should be gone in a month," she added with a smile. Beca just
leaned in and kissed her again.
Beca and Billie went back out to the deck to start clearing up while they
waited for Stacie and James' taxi to arrive.
"Thanks for a good night," James said, giving Beca a quick hug.
"Thanks for grilling," Beca said. "Would have been pizza otherwise. And Stace,
super fucking proud of you." Stacie hugged her and kissed her on the cheek.
"Thanks Becs," she said. "Lunch tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Dirty Burger?"
"Definitely," Stacie said. Then she turned to Billie. "So nice to meet you
Billie."
"You too," the blonde said. "And I promise I'll come check out your store real
soon."
"You do that," Stacie said. "Don't get into too much trouble, okay you two?"
"Us? Never," Beca said. The two of them left to wait for the taxi out front.
Beca pulled Billie toward her and wrapped her arms around her. "Let's just
leave the mess for the morning."
"Mmm okay," Billie said.
The next morning they ate a lazy breakfast on the patio and cleaned up last
night's mess. James arrived at quarter to eleven to pick up his car and Billie,
after which Beca had a long hot shower to soothe out the muscles that had
gotten quite a vigorous workout the previous night. Then she took the Camaro
out to Santa Monica to meet Stacie at Dirty Burger.
It was one of those new places that would have been hipster, had it not have
been proudly against every single new diet fad or trend. Their creed was to
make old fashioned burgers with meat and grease, hence the term Dirty Burger,
and they were amazing. The line for the counter hung out the door on weekend
mornings, scores of hungover patrons needing an injection of grease. Beca and
Stacie loved the burgers, loved that the fries came with a shitload of salt and
that the milkshakes were made with full cream milk and ice cream. They picked
up more food than most people would believe they'd be able to consume, and went
to sit back in the Camaro, windows down and music on.
"So Billie's really nice," Stacie said. "She's a bit different to how she comes
across in interviews. She's smarter than they make her out to be. And she digs
you a lot."
"She said that?" Beca asked with a small smile.
"She didn't have to," Stacie said. "She kept looking at you with lovestruck
eyes. She's a goner for you, Mitchell."
"Speaking of lovestruck eyes," Beca said, swallowing some burger, "James was
pretty taken with you." Stacie took a drink of her milkshake with a neutral
face.
"Was he now?"
"Told Billie he thought you were pretty cool, and very pretty," she said. "And
said if you were interested he'd like to get your number." Stacie took a bite
of her burger and chewed it thoughtfully before she answered.
"I think I'd be pretty okay with that," she said.
"For serious?" Beca asked.
"Well, let's just start with the fact that he's James Atkinson. Very good
looking man," Stacie said. "But yeah, he was pretty cool. Easygoing. I'd be
interested in trying a one on one to see what that's like."
"He made Billie promise to tell you that the beard is for a movie if that's a
deal breaker," she said.
"I don't mind the beard," Stacie said. "I'd like it a lot better if it was
shorter, but it's not like I'm repulsed by it."
"So I can give him your number?" Beca asked. Stacie nodded. Beca could have
used the opportunity to tease her best friend, but didn't. Over the years,
probably the most surprising thing she'd learned about her was that she was
incredibly sensitive about relationships. Casual hook-ups, fair game. She could
give and take plenty of stick when it was one night stands and fuckbuddies. But
something with actual feelings, and Stacie turned serious. A throwback to her
teenage years, she claimed. A general distrust of relationships, so if she said
she was okay with the possibility of maybe dating James, that was actually a
really big deal.
"You and Billie finally slept together though?" Stacie asked. "You were pretty
all over each other when I walked in."
"Yeah, it was earlier on in the day," Beca said. "And then after as well."
"I can't believe I'm jealous of your sex life," Stacie said.
"We were actually having a conversation about the relationship just before you
walked in," Beca said. "It's officially a dating thing. She's my girlfriend."
"Awww. Public?"
"Ew, no," Beca said. She sighed. "I just want the press to fuck off in general.
I'm not planning on mentioning it ever, they can just find out when we show up
to an event together."
"I love your hatred of the press," Stacie said. "I'll never understand how
someone could be so vocal about their dislike of them and yet they still call
you 'music's it girl' or 'record industry darling' like they adore you." Beca
snickered.
"I half want to see how bad I can slag them off before they turn on me," Beca
said. "Nah, Miles handles that shit for the most part. He's amazing at
censoring my press releases and Facebook shit."
"When do you and Billie start working together?" Stacie asked. "This week?"
"Yep," Beca said, balling up her wrapper. "We might have to sit down and come
up with some ground rules about what is and isn't appropriate in the studio."
"While you're on the clock, anyway," Stacie said with a smirk.
"God!" Beca said, slapping her on the knee. "Nah, Owen almost walked in on us
making out pretty fucking hard the other night. It might be easier just to cool
it while we're there. All business and whatever."
"And then afterwards you can take her home and fuck her brains out," Stacie
said. "Hard life, Mitchell." Beca just grinned and winked. They finished up
their lunch and went their separate ways, Stacie to the shop and Beca home to
work on ideas she wanted to show Billie the next day.
If Beca had any concerns about not being able to control the work/romance
aspect of her and Billie's relationship, it didn't last long. It only took them
a few minutes to agree that inside BPM it was professional only, and they kept
it up through the whole project. Beca liked working with Billie, she knew her
shit and really understood the movie in a way Beca didn't. Their collaboration
was fluid, and Beca felt really positive about the work they'd produced.
The three weeks passed in a blur. They'd spend all day in the studio, playing,
recording, singing a little, watching scenes on loop. Then once they were
tapped, they'd get in the Camaro, normally ending up back at Beca's place since
there was no roommate to be found. It was generally food, showers and bed, and
the reverse in the morning, but it was laced with patches of late night
conversation. Beca was happy, truly happy.
"Ugh, it is going to suck not having you in my studio every day," Beca pouted,
post-sex one night. "I'd love it if all my clients were as chill as you."
"It will suck," Billie agreed. "I'm accustomed to seeing you all day every day
now." Billie had signed on for a recurring guest spot on a popular primetime
cop show, the only catch being that it was filmed on the other side of the
city. She was due to start the Tuesday after they were to be done with the
soundtrack.
"We'll have to make the most of the night time then," Beca said, throwing a leg
over Billie's hips. The blonde's hands steadied her and then pulled her in
close, lips crashing together.
The following Monday, Aubrey was revising her workload when she saw that BPM
had a stack of contracts that Jenna had signed, but that Beca hadn't even seen,
let alone put a signature on. She picked up her phone and dialled Ruby's
extension.
"Ruby? I've got about a dozen BPM contracts that need Beca Mitchell's
signature," she said. "Which courier do we use for them?"
"None," Ruby said. "BPM won't courier documents because they had a whole big
info leak after a courier decided to detour and read a bunch of their
paperwork. They don't trust anyone, everything has to be done face to face, no
third party."
"Dammit," Aubrey said. "Some of these need her signature pretty bad. One is for
Katy Perry's next album."
"You're going to have to take them over there," Ruby said. "Mills has me in
court all week and Sayid is off because his kid has the chicken pox."
"Okay," Aubrey sighed. "Can you shoot me the number of her assistant? What's
his name?"
"Miles?" Ruby said. "I thought you guys were friends."
"That was a long time ago," Aubrey said.
"I'll text it to you right now," she said, and as promised, the number popped
up on Aubrey's cell.
"Thanks Ruby," she said. She disconnected from the other lawyer and dialled
Miles.
"Beca Mitchell's office," he said.
"This is Aubrey Posen from King and Dollin," she said. "I'm afraid I've found
several contracts that Beca needs to sign. Is there a time this week that would
suit her?"
"This week is pretty tight," Miles said, hitting some keys. "She's doing the
master on the soundtrack for Echo, and she's got the Magnolia people in and
out. How important are they?"
"One is for the record she's producing for Katy next week," Aubrey said. "So
very."
"We could probably sneak you in right before five on Thursday," he said. "If
that's okay with you."
"That's fine," she said. "It shouldn't take long, just some signatures. I'll be
there for ten minutes to five."
"Okay I'll pop it in her calendar," Miles said. "See you then." He hung up and
Aubrey stared at her phone. So far she'd managed to pretty much avoid Beca,
which was ideal. She'd promised Chloe she'd steer clear of her wherever
possible, even if she did still find the brunette attractive.
When Thursday came, naturally traffic meant she was running a little later than
she'd like. She was a bit flustered by the time she got to the office and
approached Miles.
"I'm here to see Beca Mitchell," Aubrey said. "She needs to sign these, she's
expecting me." The young man eyed her suspiciously but buzzed her through.
Beca's office was more of a suite. There was a large open space with a
workstation, but there was also another area set up with mixing equipment.
There was an open arch that led to a tiny kitchenette with a fridge and
microwave and coffeemaker. It had a few soft armchairs in another corner, a
huge window opening up to a view of the city and another door that was very
slightly ajar.
"Just changing in the bathroom!" Beca called. "Won't be a sec." Aubrey settled
in a chair opposite the desk and Beca appeared, boots still untied. She was in
leather pants and a sheer red tank over a black sports bra. Her eyes were
heavily lined and smoky, hair perfectly tousled and pulled back.
"Sorry," she said. "I'm spinning tonight at Fluid and I'm pretty much leaving
as soon as we're done here, I've got a dinner thing first." Aubrey quickly ran
through what she was signing and Beca signed where she was instructed. As Beca
skimmed the papers Aubrey tried her hardest not to stare at her. She looked
better than good and it was seriously distracting. The pants fit her like a
second skin, and that red tank was showing off muscled torso and dark tattoos.
Aubrey kind of wanted to push her down onto the desk and run her hands up that
tank, learn what her new tattoos tasted like, but she reigned herself in. It
would only ever be business between them now, and she really had to keep that
promise for her sake and for Beca's. The DJ finished scrawling and stood up,
lifting her foot to the edge of the desk and tying her boot-lace. Aubrey's eyes
tracked to the curve of her ass, only made more appealing swathed in leather.
"Aubrey?" Beca asked, clearly not for the first time.
"What?" she said, blushing.
"I said is there anything else? I've really gotta bounce if I'm going to be on
time for dinner with Billie," she said.
"I thought you finished that soundtrack last week?" Aubrey asked. She caught
the faintest tinge of pink on Beca's cheeks.
"We did," she said. "We've been hanging out." She didn't elaborate any further,
but her eyes unconsciously flicked toward a vase on the low table near the
armchairs. It held a colorful bouquet of tulips.
"Are you dating her?" Aubrey asked. It sounded casual, but for some reason
Aubrey felt like she was going to be sick.
"That's really none of your business," Beca said pointedly, tying her other
boot and grabbing her bag. "Now I'm going to be late, so I'm sure you can find
your way out." Of course, Beca was right, it was none of her business. And she
couldn't have expected the girl not to date anyone else after their encounter.
She was the kind of person people flocked to, and it had been six years after
all.
It didn't make her feel any better.
She knew she was way out of line, but she looked around to make sure she was
alone, and plucked the small white envelope from the table near the vase and
read the card.
"I miss seeing your face every day. Can't wait for tonight, I need your hands
on me in the worst way. Billie."
A pang of jealousy rushed through her and she half wanted to throw the vase
against the wall. Clearly Beca and Billie were involved to some degree. The
girl even knew Beca hated roses but much preferred tulips, which indicated she
knew her beyond surface level. Aubrey knew it was stupid and irrational, but
she kind of hated Billie. She replaced the card and left BPM, and waited until
she got into her car. She dialed Chloe.
"What's up?" the redhead answered.
"She's dating someone," Aubrey said.
"What? Who?"
"Beca. She's dating someone," Aubrey sighed. "At least I think she is."
"Aubrey..." Chloe said warningly. "You don't have any right to be jealous
here."
"I know!" she exclaimed. "But I am. It was fucking stupid, but I read the card
and yeah, she's dating that girl."
"Card? What on god's green earth are you talking about? What girl?"
"I had some stuff for Beca to sign, and she raced off super quick afterwards
for dinner with Billie West, and there were flowers on the table so I... read
the card and yeah."
"Oh my god! Aubrey, that was way out of line!"
"I know!"
"Who she's dating is her business," Chloe said firmly. "Bree, I love you, but
seriously. What are you doing? Going back there with her is just plain mean.
You had your chance. Two of them actually. Don't go messing around with her
head again. It's not fair."
"It's just hard," Aubrey said. "I never didn't love her, Chloe." She'd never
actually told her that.
"What!?"
"She wasn't lying. I told her I loved her, and that was the truth."
"Jesus Christ," Chloe said, finally snapping. "Aubrey. Leave it the fuck alone,
you hear me? Beca is happy. She's dating someone who obviously cares about her
and makes her happy. You have no claim on her and you need to pull yourself
together. If you hurt her again I swear to god, there's going to be a whole
mess of people lining up to tear you apart, and I'm going to be one of them.
Leave. Her. Alone."
"What if I still-"
"Oh for fucks sake, you're ridiculous," Chloe said, before hanging up, out of
patience. Aubrey drove home, stomach still in knots at the thought of Beca with
someone else. She walked through the door, dropped her briefcase on the counter
and made a beeline for the vodka. Pouring herself a healthy amount over some
ice, she fell into the couch and, for the first time since getting to LA, she
let herself go back six years to when it all fell apart.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
     The only thing I will reiterate now is that this entire chapter is a
     flashback. There will be patches of flashback in the next chapter as
     well (possibly the one after as well) but not the way this is. This
     entire chapter takes place six years ago.
"Bree!" Beca said, swinging the door open. "You made it!"
"It's your birthday, Beca, of course I made it," she said, scooping the
brunette into her arms for a long hug. She pressed her lips against Beca's
cheek. "Chloe said she'll drop by a bit later."
After Aubrey had decided to stay in Barden for her postgrad, she and Beca had
gotten close. With Chloe basically living and breathing med school, and the
rest of her time largely being spent with her boyfriend, Tom, Beca and Aubrey
gravitated toward each other instead. Now the brunette was closer to Aubrey
than anyone else except her best friend and roommate, Stacie. It wasn't
uncommon for Aubrey to be at their apartment all hours of the day and night,
sharing Beca's bed from time to time after late nights and TV marathons. She
had stuff in the bathroom and clothes in the drawers, prompting questions from
most of the Bellas about how close they actually were.
Beca was definitely interested in Aubrey beyond the friendship. Everyone could
tell. She didn't let people in, or let them touch her. Stacie was an exception
but that was obviously platonic. But Aubrey was different. Beca would never
admit it but she liked being curled up with the blonde on the couch. Liked it
when Aubrey saw her squinting at her laptop and massaged her temples or
shoulders. Loved it when she hugged her. She was besotted with her, plain and
simple.
And it was Beca's birthday, so there was a boundless supply of margaritas and
good music, and Beca was glued to Aubrey the entire night. Aubrey loved it as
much as Beca did, but was better at hiding her feelings. She didn't not like
Beca, in fact she liked her an awful lot, but she had no idea how to handle
that. So she let Beca hug her and play with her hair, she let her pour drinks
and smiled when she laughed extra hard at her jokes.
The party had worn on and eventually Beca had tugged her into the bedroom, the
two of them curling up in bed. It was nothing, they routinely told each other.
They'd each done the same dozens of time with Chloe. But tonight was different.
Beca was a little drunker than normal, and Aubrey was indulging her handsiness,
not just because it was her birthday, but because she'd had a phone call from
her mother earlier. She'd spent the call urging her to find someone and settle
down, which left her feeling unloveable. Beca, on the other hand, looked at her
like she was the prettiest thing she'd ever seen. So, with Beca's arm over her
waist, fingers lightly drumming against her skin, she turned inward, breathing
into Beca's neck.
"I hope your birthday was everything you wanted," she mumbled. "You deserve to
be happy."
"Everything I want is right here," Beca replied in an equally quiet tone, but
happily. Aubrey pulled back and looked her in the eye."Don't get me wrong, the
party was rad. Stace knows how to turn it on. But as long as it ended just like
this, we could have done nothing all day and I'd still be happy."
"Beca..." When the brunette spoke again it was softer still but her eyes were
laced with a sincerity that made Aubrey's throat catch.
"Surely you know, Bree. How I feel about you." Her hand cupped Aubrey's cheek
and her thumb ran across her cheekbone. Aubrey felt her entire body heat up,
her heart began to pound hard. She didn't know what to do.
"What are you talking about?" she asked as her cheeks heated up.
"Bree," Beca said. "You'd have to be crazy not to see how in love with you I
am." She leaned in toward her, intent on kissing her.
"Don't say that," Aubrey practically begged in a whisper, just centimetres from
her lips. "You're drunk, Beca." The reaction was like lightning, Beca yanking
her fingers away from the blonde and distancing herself from her body. Aubrey
swallowed hard when she saw how her eyes misted over, but Beca refused to let
herself cry.
"Yeah," she managed curtly. "But you know what they say. Drunk actions are
sober thoughts." And then she rolled over, as far away from Aubrey as she could
be without completely falling out of bed. Aubrey reached out a hand to touch
her but the tension radiating from Beca's body was crystal clear, so she pulled
back, biting on her lip. Beca waited until she heard the light snores of Aubrey
finally sleeping before she allowed herself to shed a few quick tears, wiping
at her eyes and resolving to try again in the morning.
Aubrey ignored it, typically, and was about to leave to return to her own
apartment. She'd helped Beca and Stacie with the cleanup, Stacie deciding she
needed a hot shower afterwards. Beca watched from the kitchen doorway until she
reached out for her bag.
"Are we not going to talk about last night?" she asked. Aubrey couldn't bring
herself to meet Beca's eyes, knowing if she saw the look she was expecting,
she'd crack.
"You were drunk, Beca. It happens. We don't have to let it change anything."
"Drinking my body weight in margaritas wasn't my finest decision, but that
doesn't mean I wasn't telling you the truth," Beca said. She took a step toward
the blonde. "I love you, Aubrey. I have for a long time. It's kind of
ridiculous how much I love you. And even though you pretend you don't know what
I mean, I'm pretty sure you feel the same." Aubrey sighed and closed her eyes.
Yes, she did feel the same. But she just couldn't. Not with Beca. Not now.
"I can't," she whispered. It hurt like a knife in the chest to even say it.
"Can't or won't?" Beca asked defiantly. "Don't tell me you don't love me. Not
after the way we've been acting over the last few months."
"Beca I just can't, okay?" Aubrey said. "I don't know how to... I'm not... I'm
not ready for this. Please."
"Okay," Beca relented, her shoulders dropping. "Whatever. Sorry." She hurried
back into her room and Aubrey heard the door close. She almost went after her,
but if she knew one thing for certain about Beca it was that she didn't want
anyone to see her vulnerable or crying. So instead, she picked up her bag, and
with a sinking stomach she left.
Stacie came out of the bathroom and went to get dressed. She heard noises
coming from Beca's room, so after tugging clean clothes on she knocked lightly
on the door. She didn't get an answer, so she opened it. Beca was curled up in
a tight ball on the bed, hugging her pillow and crying as quietly as she could
manage.
"What's wrong Becs?" she asked. "Where's Aubrey?" Beca looked up at her with
glassy eyes.
"She said she can't. That she's not ready." Stacie knew what had happened
immediately. She and Beca had talked at length about the feelings she had for
Aubrey. And Stacie had been sure the blonde reciprocated those feelings -
clearly she'd been wrong. She scooted over to Beca and hugged her, the smaller
girl letting the sobs freely flow now, face buried into the pillow. Stacie just
waited it out, scratching fingernails lightly on her scalp.
"Maybe she's telling the truth," Stacie said comfortingly. "Maybe she isn't
ready, maybe she just needs time. And yeah she could have said that, but this
is Aubrey, she's not the greatest at talking about her feelings."
"Do you think I'm being stupid? Is it stupid of me to think she could ever love
me back?"
"No," Stacie said firmly. "You're not being stupid. She is. But she'll come
around, just give her some time." Beca nodded but didn't move, so Stacie didn't
either.
Things were awkward for a couple of weeks, but then they went back to normal.
Beca didn't bring it up with Aubrey again, but it didn't stop her over
analysing every interaction they had. She tried to guess at meanings behind
every look or touch, wondering if this was the signal that she was ready now.
Aubrey knew she wasn't being fair to Beca. She knew it was really cruel to
cuddle up to her and climb into bed with her, to steal her sweaters and pinch
the last of her coffee, to wrap an arm around her while they slept or hold her
hand while they watched TV. But she craved the intimacy, needed to be close to
Beca. And Beca was letting her. She knew she should stop, that it could only
end painfully, but she couldn't. The way Beca made her feel with just a glance,
it made her feel alive.
Stacie saw though. Saw how Beca hung on every little thing Aubrey did. Watched
her bend over backwards and get nothing in return. She saw the way her face
fell every time Aubrey left to go home with a kiss on the cheek and an "I'm so
glad you're my friend." It wasn't that she didn't like Aubrey, but Beca
deserved better than that. She was too good to be led along like a puppy
waiting for a treat, but that's what Aubrey was doing. So she told Beca to make
her talk.
"She said she's not ready," Beca said.
"Yeah I know," Stacie said. "Meanwhile she waltzes in here and has no problem
throwing herself at you, knowing exactly how you feel, and she gives you
nothing. She won't even talk about it, Beca. That's red flag territory if I've
ever seen it. She might not be ready to date you or kiss you or hell, fuck you.
But she won't even talk with you about it. Won't cop to even having feelings
for you, feelings that anyone with any sense can see are there. You're so much
better than that, Beca. She's taking advantage of your feelings to get the
intimacy she wants but she's keeping you at arms length and you get nothing you
want. She's satisfied and you're trying so hard, but you get nothing but a
broken heart in the end. That's not fair and I can't watch it any more. You
need to say something because if you don't, I will and I promise you it's not
going to be pretty if I do it." Beca sat quietly for a few moments, brow
furrowed in concentration. She dropped her face into her hands.
"I - Man. I think you're right," Beca said. "This isn't fair. I just want her
to at least tell me if there's a day coming where she can tell me what's she's
feeling. If it's no, I can move on or try to, or something. But now it's just
like... I gotta stop this. It's pathetic, the way I'm behaving. I'm pathetic."
"Hey I wouldn't go that far," Stacie interjected. "You're just in love,
Mitchell. Love's a bitch."
"Okay then. No more. I need a commitment from her to at least talk to me," Beca
said. "I'll tell her tomorrow."
"I won't be home tomorrow night," Stacie said. "But you know you can call me if
you need anything." Beca nodded, her brain working overtime. She had no idea
how she'd even broach the subject with Aubrey.
The next night, Aubrey came over to watch a marathon of some zombie show they'd
seen on SyFy. Beca had some popcorn and drinks ready and they settled into the
couch. Beca was careful to make sure they weren't all over each other, turning
to the side so she was facing Aubrey rather than sitting directly next to her.
They watched two episodes before she got up to use the bathroom, and when she
sat down, Aubrey tugged her arm over her shoulder and tangled their fingers
together. Beca took a deep breath and untangled them, taking her hand back.
Aubrey watched her closely for a minute before reaching out and trying to latch
on to her arm, Beca shaking her off.
"Is something wrong?" Aubrey asked.
"No," Beca said.
"But we always cuddle on the couch," Aubrey said. "And now you don't want me
touching you at all?"
"I can't," Beca said. "I can't do this with you any more."
"Can't what? Watch television?"
"The cuddling thing," Beca said. She turned to face the blonde. "Bree, you know
how I feel about you. I know you think it was the margaritas or something
but... I let you touch me and hug me and we share my bed, and you know I love
you, but you still won't even talk to me about it." Aubrey's eyes dropped.
"Beca-"
"You won't even look at me!" Beca said. "Aubrey, it's not fair for you to
expect all this when you won't even talk to me. You're getting all the intimacy
you want but I get nothing from you. I deserve better than that. Every time you
touch me, I think to myself, maybe she's ready for something now and it's
killing me. I can't do this with you. It fucking hurts, Aubrey. It just hurts
for me to pretend that I'm okay with the way things are."
"You're right," Aubrey said. "I should go." She got up, but Beca pulled her
back down.
"I'm not saying you have to go," she said. "I just need something, anything
from you, that says that you've heard me and you will at least give me the
courtesy of having a conversation with me." Aubrey stopped.
"I don't know what you want me to say," she said.
"I want you to tell me what you're feeling!" Beca said. "God, Aubrey. If you
feel nothing, that sucks, but tell me that so at least I can try and move on.
And if it is nothing then I really need for you to stop being all over me
because I can't have you that close to me all the time and never have you that
way, you know? But you won't tell me a damn thing. I have no idea how you feel.
I only know how I want you to feel."
"Beca-"
"Do you love me?" Beca asked. Her eyes filled with tears and she closed them.
"Aubrey, do you love me the way I love you?" Aubrey nodded, and Beca missed it
for a few moments because her eyes were closed. But she saw it, with her own
eyes. Aubrey nodding, eyes fixed on Beca's.
"I love you," she confessed. "I do love you, Beca."
"Then what is the fucking problem?" Beca asked in an exasperated tone, tears
sliding down her cheeks. "If I love you and you love me, it shouldn't matter
how scared we are. I know you're terrified, trust me, because I am too. I spent
months trying to talk myself out of being in love with you. But I can't-
" Aubrey leaned forward and pressed her lips to Beca's. Beca half swallowed her
sob as she registered what was happening, clutching the front Aubrey's hoodie
as she gave in, kissing her with fervent desperation.
They refused to break apart, entwining together more fiercely, Aubrey trying to
show Beca with her actions that she did love her, even if she was really bad at
putting it into words. She pulled Beca toward her, kissing her with everything
she had. Her thumbs brushed the tears from Beca's cheeks. Beca pulled back just
far enough to meet Aubrey's eyes. She didn't say anything, just leaned back in
and left a lingering, tender kiss on Aubrey's lips.
Aubrey's heart was beating wildly in her chest, like all the emotion she'd been
trying to suppress was threatening to escape at once. She met Beca in a series
of gentle kisses, gentle but heated, as they began to surrender themselves to
the moment. Aubrey let her hand fall to the buttons on Beca's plaid shirt,
fumbling with them as she kissed her, trying to get them open. She suddenly
needed Beca more than she had needed or wanted anything in her life.
Beca's hands were on her face, in her hair, she was overwhelmed with the
increasing passion in their embrace. This was everything she'd wanted,
everything she'd dared to dream of, right in her hands.
Aubrey finally got her shirt undone and slid it down her shoulders, her
fingertips leaving goosebumps in their wake. She immediately sought out Beca's
neck, her jawline, her collarbone with her mouth, the brunette only able to
gasp at the sensation. She grabbed at Aubrey's hoodie and tugged it up,
separating them for a moment. But then her hands were sliding up Aubrey's back
and they were so gentle but so reassuring that Aubrey almost began crying.
She'd wanted love like this for as long as she could remember. She'd wanted
someone to look at her the way Beca was doing right now.
Beca stood up silently and offered her hand to the blonde, praying that she
wasn't going to back out or change her mind. But she stood and took it, and the
prayers switched to bargaining with whatever deity was up there that Stacie
wouldn't come home early. They wordlessly made their way into Beca's room, into
the space they'd shared countless times before, knowing that after this time,
it would all be different.
Beca had never seen anything so beautiful as a naked Aubrey coming undone at
the mercy of her hands. Her toned body was slick with sweat, chest heaving as
she gasped for air, while Beca's hands and fingers elicited moan after moan,
tremble after tremble. The sound as she finally reached her peak was more
entrancing than any piece of music she'd ever heard. Aubrey pulled her back up
so their faces were level and held her as best she could while she recovered,
leaving a trail of soft kisses on the underside of her jaw. When she felt the
strength re-enter her body she rolled Beca underneath her, using a hand to
brush the dark locks from her face.
"Tell me you love me," she said in a small voice. Aubrey smiled softly and
leaned down to kiss her.
"I love you," she said. She kissed her again. "I love you." Another longer
kiss. "I love you." She began to move away from her mouth, lips still
proclaiming the promise of her love as she travelled her body, whispering
against her flesh as she went. At some point she stopped speaking and let her
actions take over, featherlight kisses along her abdomen and the barest graze
of fingertips on the inside of her thigh as she began.
Aubrey had never been big on the god that her family had tried so hard to
convince her existed. She was always surprised that a man as inflexibly
rational as her father was emphatic in his faith regardless of the astounding
lack of definitive proof that his god was real. But as she gave her heart and
soul to the body of the woman beneath her, she felt like it was as close to a
religious experience as she would ever have. Beca's whispering of her name into
the semidarkness felt reverent, the moan of her climax rang harder in her than
any thousand hallelujahs could. And the feeling of Beca pulling her up, kissing
her, nuzzling into her neck and the intimacy they were sharing just being in
one another's arms far surpassed any peace or contentment she'd ever
experienced in a church.
"I love you," Beca mumbled against her mouth, kissing her. Aubrey pulled her
flush against her body, craving the heat of her skin, arm sliding over her and
holding her close. It felt like they'd been doing this for years, the sex, the
comfortable aftermath, the words.
"I love you too." She let her fingers dance light patterns on Beca's back as
the smaller woman's breathing evened out, smile still radiantly etched across
her face. Beca's embrace was warm, the steady inhale-exhale against her neck
should have lulled her to sleep, but her eyes remained open and her mind alert.
Beca woke in the morning feeling full to the point of bursting with happiness.
She wasn't typically the kind of girl who manifested emotions often, but she
was grinning the second her eyes opened. She rolled over to greet Aubrey, but
found the bed empty. Not ideal, but not uncommon. Aubrey always did get up
before she did. Tugging on a t-shirt, she noticed all of Aubrey's clothes were
absent. It set off a warning bell in her head, and the smile began to falter.
And then she spotted it. A scrap torn from a notebook and even, blue script.
I'm sorry. I can't.
Beca immediately picked the scrap of paper up, scrutinising it. Definitely
Aubrey's handwriting. Hot tears welled up into her eyes, bursting forth freely.
She hurried out into the living room but there was no trace of the blonde at
all. She picked up her cellphone and tried to call her, getting nothing but the
professional, clipped tones on her voicemail. She couldn't breathe. The room
was suddenly devoid of oxygen, and it was spinning. She felt hot and sick and
she ran into the bathroom. She splashed cool water on her face, in vain, and
she registered that Aubrey's spare contact solution, her zero alcohol mouthwash
and her bobby pins were gone. She turned and vomited into the toilet, wiping at
her face with a wad of toilet paper and stumbled back into her room.
Still crying, she opened her closet and saw the sneakers she'd left behind last
week gone. She tugged open the bottom drawer and found nothing but an old
Barden tee - her own, not Aubrey's. Tears continued to stream down her face as
she moved, her breath coming raggedly. She was in the kitchen when Stacie
couldn't ignore the noise any more and came out of her room. She was pulling
the contents of the kitchen cupboards out, looking for the stupid travel mug
Aubrey hated. It had a cute design of poodles on the outside but the shape of
the lip meant she'd always end up spilling it on herself.
"What the fuck is going on?" she asked, but she was startled by Beca's
hysterical behavior. "Shit. What is it?" Beca was almost hyperventilating now.
She felt like her entire world was coming apart at the seams. She could only
project herself toward the taller girl and sob against her shoulder. Stacie
caught her, naturally, held her tightly and manoeuvred them back toward the
couch.
"She's gone," Beca managed.
"What?"
"She told me - she promised she loved me," Beca said. "She said it over and
over and it was good. We were both scared but it was okay because we loved each
other and she came to bed-"
"Aubrey? You slept with Aubrey?"
"She told me she loved me, and she let me take her to bed and then she left,"
Beca sobbed.
"She'll come back," Stacie said. Beca was shaking her head and she pointed to
the bedroom.
"She got it all," Beca said. "She remembered every little thing in this
apartment that she ever owned and took them all in the middle of the night. She
got everything here that was ever hers, even the stuff she didn't care about.
Except me. She left me here. She got the stuff that meant nothing, but not me."
Stacie's jaw clenched.
"She left?"
"She said she can't," Beca said. She gestured feebly to her room again. Stacie
got up and went into Beca's room, spotting the paper on the floor.
"God fucking dammit," she muttered. "I'll fucking kill her I swear to god." She
went into her own room and snatched up her phone, dialing Aubrey. She groaned
in anger when she got the voicemail message.
"You need to call me back," she said evenly. "Because if you can't sufficiently
explain to me why you would fuck Beca after telling her you love her, knowing
how she feels about you - especially after everything else she's been through -
and then bail on her in the middle of the night, I am going to rip you into a
thousand fucking pieces, Posen. Do you hear me? Four fucking words on a piece
of paper? Christ I've never seen anything so selfish in my goddamn life and you
will fix this. You'll fix it because right now I have an absolutely distraught
best friend, and you are the cause. Fucking fix this." Then she picked up a box
of tissues and went back to the couch where Beca was wiping her face with her
shirt.
"Why'd she go?" Beca asked, her voice almost childlike. "Why is it that
everyone I love leaves me like that?" Stacie had to bite back her own tears.
"I don't know," she said thickly. "Sweetie, I don't know." Beca just clung hard
to her, still crying. Stacie sent text after furious text to Aubrey with her
free hand, until she saw that Beca had fallen asleep. She carefully lay the
girl down and covered her over with a blanket and then she dialed Chloe's
phone.
"Where the fuck is your best friend?" she said as soon she heard her pick up.
"Whoa. Calm down. I think she's in her room, why?"
"Because last night she fucking broke Beca Mitchell and now I have to kill
her."
"What!?"
"I woke up this morning to find an inconsolable Beca ransacking the house to
find one single thing Aubrey left behind. You know, after she spent half the
night fucking her and saying she loved her," she said.
"No."
"Yes. All she left behind was a scrap of paper that said 'I'm sorry, I can't',
but Beca is destroyed. She didn't stop crying her guts out until she fell
asleep, and the last thing she asked me is how come everyone who loves her
leaves her." She heard Chloe get up.
"Hang on." She heard Chloe knocking on Aubrey's door. There was no answer so
she knocked again. "Stace, let me call you back."
Stacie seethed but tried to distract herself with a cup of coffee until Chloe
called back.
"She won't talk," Chloe sighed. "I told her what you told me, and she picked up
her phone and listened to what I presume was you leaving an angry voicemail,
read her texts, then turned her phone off. Now the door is locked and she's
crying."
"I'm going to kill her," Stacie said matter of factly. "Like Beca hasn't had a
hard enough time with her mom and dad and Jesse. Aubrey gave her the one thing
that she wanted, that could make her happy, and ripped it away from her in the
same fucking night without having the decency to talk to her."
"I wish I knew what to do," Chloe said. "Keep me posted? If I get through to
Bree I'll let you know."
"Okay," Stacie said. She went back into the living room. Beca even looked
devastated in her sleep. Eventually she woke up, immediately crying again.
Stacie just let her sob into her shoulder for as long as she needed.
"Let me get you something to eat," she offered.
"Not hungry," Beca said. She got up and went into her bedroom, closing the
door. Stacie heard her start crying again so she went in. Beca was staring at
her bed with tears rolling down her cheeks. Stacie wrapped an arm around her
shoulders.
"Come on," she said. "Sleep in my bed." Beca nodded and let Stacie take her
into the other bedroom, tucking her in to her own bed. When Beca had fallen
back to sleep she went into her room and stripped the bed, took all the sheets
down to the laundry room. She almost wanted to throw them out, but they weren't
hers to throw, so she settled for washing them, texting Chloe.
Beca took one look at her bed and started bawling, she's sleeping in my room.
Aubrey still won't even acknowledge that I'm talking to her.
Stacie shook her head. Aubrey wasn't a malicious or cruel person by nature. But
doing this to Beca was just heartless. All Beca did was love her, adore her.
She shed a few tears for her friend because she knew now that the chances of
her ever trusting someone enough to let them close again were gone. She'd taken
a risk with Aubrey and it catapulted directly back into her face.
Beca didn't come out of Stacie's bedroom at all for the rest of the day. Every
offer of food or coffee was declined, the smaller girl staying curled up in a
tiny ball under the blanket. Stacie spent the night awake in Beca's bed,
resolving that in the morning she would go to see Aubrey and if the blonde
didn't want to open her door she'd knock it down. Beca deserved answers.
She was too late. When she arrived at Chloe and Aubrey's apartment, the redhead
showed her inside and wordlessly gestured to Aubrey's room. It was almost bare.
"What the fuck?" Stacie asked.
"I had study group til ten thirty and when I got home she was gone," Chloe
said. "She left a note."
"Yeah apparently that's her thing." Chloe handed it to her.
Chlo,
I'm sorry. I just need to be away from here. I'll be back.
Bree.
"Only to me it doesn't feel like she's coming back," Chloe said. "I don't know
where she went, if she got there safe, what she's going to do about grad
school. And all her most important stuff is gone, and if she was coming back
then she didn't need to take it all with her."
"I know she's your best friend, Chloe, but what the fuck is she doing?" Stacie
said. "The only thing Beca did was love her. And this is ugly and cruel. Beca
hasn't moved out of bed."
"What are we gonna do?" Chloe asked.
"All we can do is be there for Becs. She needs to know we aren't going to leave
her too."
They went into full Beca-protection mode, though it was hard to even get the
smaller girl to acknowledge they were there. Stacie managed to get her to eat
something a little later that day, but it took four days to convince her to
shower. After that she returned to her own room, which Stacie had changed the
sheets in so she wouldn't be reminded of what had happened. She stayed in there
for weeks, coming out only to shower, use the bathroom and eat. It took
eighteen days for her to come into the living room and stay there with Stacie
and Chloe. It was a whole month longer before she left the apartment, a
worrying forty nine days in which Stacie realized Beca had not played a single
note of music. She ate little, and spoke rarely. Chloe remarked that she'd
never seen someone look so physically depressed in her life. It was true,
though. The navy eyes had no sparkle, there was no slightly upturned smirk, her
shoulders were hunched and she was completely withdrawn into herself. Day sixty
four was when it became too much for Beca just being in Barden. She withdrew
from college, packed all her stuff and told Stacie she was going to LA, driving
starting that day.
"I can't do it any more," she said, shrugging, as the other girl helped her
carry her cases to the car. "I can't walk around this tiny fucking city and see
her everywhere. I can't move on when she's fucking ingrained in every good
memory I have in this city."
"I wish you'd stay," Stacie said. "But I get why you can't. I'll be out there
soon enough with you."
"Tell the Bellas it wasn't them?" Beca said. "I'm gonna miss you, all of you.
And I left a folder with stuff I had planned for you guys on my desk. And tell
them to email me, okay?"
"You need anything," Stacie said, pulling her into a hug, "And I mean anything
at all, you have to call me, okay?"
"I will," Beca said. "And uh – you know. Thanks. You're pretty much the best
friend I could ever dream of and you're probably the only reason I - well..."
"Yeah I know," Stacie said. "Call me every time you stop off and when you get
to Holly's." Holly was Stacie's cousin who had graciously offered her spare
room to Beca until she got herself set up. Stacie had heard Beca's plan, which
had originally been just to wing it, crash in a cheap motel. Her cousin worked
as a flight attendant and was almost never home, but Stacie promised that Beca
was the perfect housemate. She was quiet, she could cook, she cleaned, and she
kept to herself.
"I promise," Beca said. Then she surprised Stacie by hugging her. "I love you,
dude." The adding on of the 'dude' at the end, didn't make it any less
emotional for Stacie, who squeezed her tightly.
"I love you, too," she said. Then she watched as Beca got into her car and
drove away without so much as a glance behind her. The first thing Stacie did
was call Chloe, who was gutted to hear that Beca had left town. She promised to
be over later that evening with vodka and ice cream, but said she had something
she had to do first.
Aubrey had sent her a letter saying she wasn't coming back to Barden either,
and the phone number for a place near what Chloe recognized as her parents'
hometown. She knew that Aubrey would have gone home, they were the cause of all
her problems but she still ran back to them any time something happened. Until
right now, she hadn't called, because she honestly had nothing to say to the
woman. She dialed the number.
"Aubrey Posen," came the voice.
"It's Chloe," the redhead said nervously.
"Hey Chloe," Aubrey said casually, like nothing had happened. "What's new?"
That snapped something in Chloe.
"What's new?" Chloe breathed. "I don't know, Bree. How about the fucking fact
that you broke Beca? Like, not just bummed her out, but you legitimately
destroyed her."
"Chlo, can we not?"
"No, we definitely have to!" she said. "Aubrey you need to know exactly how bad
you fucked her up. She was in bed for weeks. It took her over a month to leave
her fucking apartment, and when it hit two months, just being in Barden was too
painful for her, and she's gone."
"She's what?"
"This morning. She packed up her car and left for LA because she couldn't even
be in this fucking city any more, and it's because of what you did to her. You
broke her goddamn heart, but in doing that what you don't realize is that you
stole everything from her. Because now she has nothing. She's left Stacie, she
left school, she left the Bellas and her job, every single thing about this
town was too painful because you shattered her into a million pieces and
abandoned her. I hope you realize the magnitude of what you've done, and I hope
you're fucking pleased. God knows how you're able to sleep at night." She hung
up, Aubrey staring open mouthed at the receiver as a single tear tracked down
her cheek.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
     Trigger warnings for self harm and suicide for this chapter.
Aubrey woke with pounding temples and a mouth that felt like she'd swallowed
cotton before bed. She was sprawled uncomfortably on the couch in yesterday's
clothes. The bottle of scotch she'd emptied last night was tipped over on the
coffee table, and she was feeling it hard. Her phone was beeping with reminders
that she'd received calls or messages, and she wondered what time it was.
Catching sight of the clock she saw that it was 9:30.
"Fuck!" She was late for work and she was guessing at least one of the missed
calls would be her boss. She jumped up and immediately winced in pain. This was
not going to be a pretty day. She thought for a moment and then realized she
didn't actually have anything urgent today, and debated calling in sick. She
snorted at the very idea that she, Aubrey Posen, would call in sick on a Friday
because she'd gotten plastered on a Thursday night all alone in her apartment.
A wave of nausea hit her and she ran into the bathroom, ejecting her stomach
contents into the toilet. The scotch burned as it came back up, worse than when
it went down. She fell against the side of the vanity and panted. Calling in
sick was looking more appealing. She got up and rinsed her mouth out, noting
that she needed to pick up mouthwash, then went to call her boss. Sure enough,
three missed calls from the office. She was normally in by eight thirty, so
they'd be wondering where she was.
"Douglas Mills," came the voice.
"Douglas, Aubrey Posen," she said. She didn't even have to feign sounding ill,
her vomit fest had taken care of that.
"Posen! You alright? We've noticed you're not in," he said. Mills was a decent
guy.
"Not really," she said. "I'm sorry I missed your calls and that I didn't phone
ahead. I've been throwing up and yeah, not feeling great." She omitted that it
was a hangover.
"Anything important on your load today?"
"Just working on a few motions but nothing pressing," she said.
"Take the day off, maybe the long weekend will be enough to get it out of your
system," he offered.
"Thank you," she said. "I've got to pop out to the drugstore a little later, so
I'll drop off some contracts I had that BPM sign yesterday."
"No problem," he said. "Leave it til Monday."
"Thanks Douglas, I appreciate it," she said.
"No worries," he said. "You work hard, we can cover you when you're down. It's
not like you're a party animal out getting plastered every night." Aubrey
chuckled along awkwardly, feeling quite ashamed of herself.
"I'll see you Monday morning," she said, ending the call. On top of the missed
calls there was a message from a number she didn't have in her contacts list.
Curious, she tapped on the message.
You and I are going to talk. Tomorrow. Pick a time and place. Stacie.
She panicked. The thought of meeting up with Stacie terrified her, and for good
reason. Chloe had relayed the many threats she had issued six years ago, and
after what she put Beca through she had no doubt that Stacie would follow
through on them. She half didn't want to answer but she knew this was Stacie
offering to meet somewhere in public. It wouldn't be in any way pretty if she
didn't show, because she'd just weasel her address out of Chloe and show up at
her home. Or maybe even work. This was her way of saying that if she had the
balls to at least show up, it'd be civil. She had no doubt that if they met
behind closed doors the brunette would unleash hell on her.
She hesitated, but she texted back the name of a coffee shop and the time she
would be there. Stacie texted her back immediately.
I'll be there.
The next morning she was feeling much better in terms of yesterday's hangover,
but her stomach was still twisting in knots. She ordered a weak black tea and
sat in a corner to wait for Stacie. A few minutes after the arranged time,
Stacie slid into the opposite seat with a gigantic coffee cup and looked her
square in the eye.
"I think you know why I'm here," Stacie said. "Who the fuck do you think you
are?"
"Excuse me?"
"Seriously, let's not waste time with niceties. Who the fuck do you think you
are? Reading Beca's personal notes now?"
"Chloe called you," Aubrey sighed.
"You better fucking believe Chloe called me," Stacie said. "She called me the
minute after you told her Beca was your newest client. We talk. A lot."
"Great, so you're both colluding against me," Aubrey muttered.
"Get your head out of your ass," Stacie said. "This has absolutely nothing to
do with you and everything to do with us watching out for Beca."
"I'm not going to hurt her," Aubrey said. Stacie rolled her eyes.
"Well, forgive me for not taking your word on that," she said. "Your track
record is pretty shitty when it comes to how you've treated Beca. Anyway, you
still haven't explained why you felt the need to invade her privacy and read a
note you had no business reading."
"I - I just wanted to know if she was dating that girl," Aubrey shrugged. She
was well aware how pathetic an excuse that was.
"Which is none of your fucking business, Posen," Stacie said. "Unless it
involves a legal contract of some kind, you don't get to have any interest in
Beca and what she does or who she dates. You forfeited that right when you ran
out on her six years ago."
"It was never my inten-"
"No," Stacie cut her off. "You don't get to talk about your intentions. You
knew, Aubrey. You knew that after her mom dying and her dad abandoning her
twice, and Jesse bailing after she wouldn't fuck him, that she had huge
problems letting people get close. But she loved you, Aubrey. God, she loved
you so fucking much. And you played with her, took advantage of her, then
discarded her like she was nothing."
"I know."
"No you fucking don't!" Stacie said. "It was weeks before she could even talk
to me about it and I had to sit there for every heartbreaking conversation and
listen to just how bad she thought she was."
**
Stacie woke up, certain she could hear something. Straining, she made out the
sound of Beca crying again. Immediately she was out of bed and sliding in next
to her best friend.
She took her hand and squeezed it. "Wanna talk?" Beca shook her head, so she
just held on to her hand while she continued to cry. Eventually though, she did
speak.
"I don't understand," she said. "She made sure she got every little thing. Even
that coffee mug she got for Secret Santa that spills coffee all over her. She
hates that mug."
"Yeah."
"Am I really worth that little to her?" Beca asked. "She remembers the mug,
which she hates, but it's hers so she grabs it. Sex and everything else aside,
shouldn't I be worth more than something she hates? Or does she really think
that little of me? Am I that bad a person?" Stacie waited a few moments before
she spoke.
"Look, I know you love Aubrey, even after she's broken your heart like this,
but she knows dick, okay? I don't know why she did what she did, I just hate
that she makes you feel like you're nothing when you're everything, Beca."
Beca was breathing deep and even, curled into her shoulder, sleeping soundly.
**

Aubrey had nothing to say in response.
"That's what I thought," Stacie said. "Dozens of conversations, just her
honestly trying to figure out if she was fundamentally unloveable. And I wish I
could say that when she left for LA, she was in a better head space than that.
But you eradicated her self esteem, Aubrey. She spent years thinking that in
terms of relationships and intimacy, she was worthless."
"She's not worthless." This wasn't going well.
"I know that. But how could she possibly know that? Her mom loved her and she
died - admittedly not much to be done about that. Rough. Her dad loved her but
walked out. Jesse loved her but she's gay, so he left too, because he thinks if
there's no sex there's no point. Then her dad wanted to try again, but again,
he left because she's gay. Then there was you. You knew how she felt. You knew
everything she'd already been through, knew how sensitive she was to this shit.
You knew that she was insecure and that she was raw. And you told her you loved
her, repeatedly from what I heard. And you fucked her, and left like a coward
in the middle of the night never to be heard from again," Stacie said. "So how
is she supposed to believe that she's a loveable person when the people she
lets in just fucking walk away?"
"I didn't just fuck Beca," she argued. "God, that sounds like it was something
crude."
"Well you sure as hell didn't make love to her," Stacie retorted. "That would
imply you had actual feelings toward her."
"I do!" Aubrey said. Then she lowered her voice. "I did."
"You did, or you do?" Stacie asked firmly. "Which is it?"
"I - uh..." she trailed off. "I do. I always loved her and I do now." She
admitted it with her head hung low.
"Oh my god." Stacie shook her head at the blonde. "Let me make myself perfectly
clear here, Aubrey. For whatever reason, Beca is allowing you to stay on as
counsel for BPM. But I don't fucking trust you for a second. You're responsible
for the worst devastation I've ever seen a single person go through in my life.
She is happy. Yes, you're right, she is dating now, and 'that girl' makes her
smile. Makes her feel good about herself. She makes her forget about the shit
that she's been handed so far. She said to me a while ago it's so much easier
now, with someone who doesn't jerk her around and is capable of telling her how
they're feeling. They're really good together. And if you do anything, even a
tiny little thing, to destroy that for her..."
"Sta-"
"Let me finish. If you leak this to the press. If you talk to her about
anything that isn't work related. If you talk to her about what happened, if
you so much as look at her in a manner that isn't professional, I'm going to
make you wish you'd never come to LA."
"You can't threaten me like that!" Aubrey said. "Look I know everyone sees me
as the bad guy-"
"In what universe wouldn't you be the bad guy?" Stacie asked. "Seriously? Let's
poll the coffee shop, tell them the story and we'll see just how many of them
have any sympathy for you."
"Let me finish," Aubrey said. "I know I'm the bad guy here but I had reasons
for what I did. Probably not good ones, but they were big back then, and I'm
not going to explain myself to you or Chloe."
"Or Beca. I'm serious, stay the fuck away from her. It's taken her six years
but she's finally decided she's worthy of getting to be happy and in a
relationship."
"She does deserve that."
"You don't get to say that after what you did," Stacie said. "You were the one
who made her feel like she wasn't worth it, and I was the one picking up the
pieces and trying to tell her that she was."
**
"I must be the biggest fuckup in history," Beca said, hugging her cushion. "I
couldn't even get my own father to love me, I should never have tried with
Aubrey. I shouldn't bother trying to make real relationships with anyone any
more. Clearly I'm not worth the time and effort. I'm worth sex apparently, but
nothing else."
"Hey," Stacie said. "I'm still here."
"You'd be the only one," Beca said. "And I do appreciate it. But yeah, every
time someone leaves it rips me to pieces, so I think I'm done. It seems to be
really easy to leave me without a second thought."
"Everyone who leaves you is an idiot," Stacie said. "You're literally the best
friend I've ever had. And I'm never leaving you."
"Yeah but Jesse did, and my dad did, and Aubrey did. You're the outlier. So I'm
just not going to risk it again," she said. "I honestly don't think I'll
survive if someone rips my heart out again. I'm barely hanging on here."
"Well, if it ever happens," Stacie said, "and someone rips your heart out, I'll
be there to slit their throats in a second. You can count on that."
"Thanks Stace."
"I didn't not love her," Aubrey said. "I did. And I still do." Stacie placed
her palms flat on the table.
"It's too late, Aubrey. She has someone now, someone who isn't making her cry
and hate herself and question whether she's a decent person. If you care about
her like you claim to, you'll let her be happy with Billie. I mean it Posen,
you hurt her and they'll find your body in pieces. You might think it's easy to
just slide back into Beca's life, but I'm watching you." Then she got up and
left, leaving Aubrey slumped in her chair. She pulled her cell out and called
Chloe.
"You've been talking to Stacie about me?" she asked, a little hurt.
"Yes. Look, I know we're best friends again, but that doesn't mean I'm not
concerned about Beca," Chloe said. "You've made it perfectly clear that you
don't need or want anyone's help with your personal life. But Beca isn't like
that, she needs people to watch out for her. She's vulnerable, whether she
admits it or not."
"Stacie just tore shreds off me in a coffee shop," Aubrey said. "Basically I'm
not allowed to go anywhere near Beca and when I do it better be job related or
she's going to kill me."
"Hate to say it Bree, but she's not the only one who feels that way," Chloe
said. "You have to realize you crossed a line the other day."
"I know," Aubrey said. "This hasn't been easy for me, Chlo. I still love her."
"What?"
"Beca, I still love her."
"Still?"
"I always did," Aubrey said. "Me leaving had nothing to do with loving her.
Maybe it did, actually, but not in the way you think."
"That's not a sufficient explanation."
"I'm not going to explain it to you," Aubrey sighed. "I'm not telling anyone
what happened unless it's her, and since Stacie just warned me off..."
"Why the fuck won't you just tell us?" Chloe said. "You do realize that the
longer you keep it to yourself the more untrustworthy you seem? God, Aubrey."
"I owe it to Beca to tell her first. If and when Stacie the guard dog ever lets
me past, that is," Aubrey said.
"Don't be like that," Chloe sighed. "You know she's just looking out for what's
best for Beca. And Billie makes her happy. You get that, right?"
"Yes, I know. Billie's great for Beca," Aubrey said, starting to get worked up.
"Stacie made sure to mention it over and over and over. I'm sure she's a lovely
person, and yes, she's attractive and I'm sure she is good for Beca. But what
if I am what's best for Beca?"
"I'm hanging up now," Chloe said. "Call me when you have your head back out of
your ass." She hung up swiftly, and Aubrey all but growled as she tossed her
phone back in her bag. Some of the nearby patrons looked at her weirdly, but
she didn't notice.
Beca was having a different kind of morning all together. Billie was currently
perched on her kitchen counter as she cooked them breakfast. The previous night
had been a blur. They'd had dinner out, then gone to a club where Beca did a
set, then enjoyed a few drinks before coming back to Beca's place. They'd only
been apart for a few days, but it was long enough for them to crave each other
in a manner that meant they didn't see sleep until the early hours of the
morning.
But now there were pans being attended to, one with a herbed French toast and
the other with some sautéing mushrooms, and the blonde sitting on the counter
was watching placidly, her hands wrapped around a cup of coffee.
"Where'd you learn to cook?"
"I had to," Beca said. "I can't subside on takeout forever. Then I started
watching a little food network, bought a couple of cookbooks."
"It smells unreal," Billie said.
"It's just about done," Beca said, grabbing some tongs to handle the toast. She
served them up a plate each and Billie brought orange juice out so they could
eat on the patio. She leaned across and kissed Beca softly. They only just
managed to eat a few mouthfuls before Beca's phone began ringing.
"Ignore it," Billie said.
"I would," Beca said, "but that's Miles' ringtone and he never calls me at home
unless there's something going on."
"Fair enough," Billie said. "Don't let your food get cold." Beca ducked in and
answered the cell. Billie stretched out in her chair, enjoying Beca's cooking.
She herself didn't cook much, James did, so she never bothered learning. She
saw Beca looking somewhat confused inside, before the brunette hung up, but
brought her phone with her to the table.
"We may have a little problem," Beca said.
"What's that?"
"We got snapped," Beca said simply. "There are three fairly good quality photos
of us on every major tabloid site." She brought up the E News site and slid her
phone toward Billie.
They were definitely incriminating. One was Billie dancing next to Beca in the
booth, Beca leaning across to kiss her cheek, eyes full of desire. The next was
Billie wrapped around her from behind, arms and hands located in spots that
were just a little too intimate to be platonic. And the last was Beca tugging
Billie into a taxi.
"My first thought is to wonder how they got these if there's a no pap policy,"
Billie said. "But we can let someone else handle that."
"Mmm, that's what I thought. He said they're looking into it. But Miles just
wanted to let me know that people were calling for confirmation," Beca said.
"So, what do we tell them? Do we tell them anything?"
"Well," Billie said, drinking some of her juice. "There's no point denying it
any more. There's pretty concrete proof, and it's really indisputable."
"Are you okay with that?"
"I am," Billie said. "This feels… pretty solid. So I don't think it's such a
bad idea."
"So I should tell Miles that he can tell the vultures yes, we are dating?"
"Yeah," Billie said with a grin. "Tell him that he can tell the press we're
dating. And that it's very new, but we're also really happy and would like our
privacy respected."
"I like that," Beca said. "Does that mean I might get to take the delightful
Billie West to the Echo premiere as my date?"
"It does if you play your cards right," Billie teased. "A lady does like to be
wooed. Now eat your breakfast and call Miles later. I should probably also call
Gina and let her put it out there as well." Beca obediently began shoveling
food into her mouth.
She did call Miles later, and after he triple checked that Beca and Billie were
both okay with the press getting a hold of the news, he wrote a short statement
and posted it on Beca's website, cross posting it to the social media accounts
that were linked to it as well. Beca just let him do whatever, he was great at
his job, could deflect personal questions like nobody's business and was a
social media whiz. Beca was well aware how invaluable he was and kept him well
paid, and well respected. After he made the announcement, he spent the next two
hours fielding calls from every news outlet in the country, to which he calmly
directed them to the official statement and added that no further comment would
be made.
But Hollywood was Hollywood, and by lunchtime, Billie and Beca were at the top
of the news pile. Everyone was weighing in with an opinion, calling them a
power couple or Hollywood's hot new thing, but they didn't turn the TV on,
didn't listen to the radio. They periodically answered texts from close friends
and family members who had heard the news, repeating that they were happy and
that was about all. Beca just wanted to spend as much time with Billie as she
could on her one day where she wasn't required on set for the next eight days.
Chloe saw the news and shot a text to Beca, not indicating that Stacie had
already alerted her to the relationship, and then waited patiently for the
inevitable call from Aubrey. She knew it was coming, she knew the blonde
probably had a damn Google news alert set up with Beca's name on it. Sure
enough, her phone buzzed late that evening.
"Chlo," came a mumble. "Come gemme."
"Are you drunk?" Chloe asked.
"Took my keys," she said, and Chloe could practically hear the pout. "Said I'm
cut off. Like I dunno when I've had too much alcohol. I'm a lawyer, I'm smart."
"Where are you?" she asked.
"Smiff and Wesson," Aubrey said. "Like a bang bang gun."
"Where?!" Chloe asked. "How much have you had to drink? Bree!?" There was a
fumble and a voice she didn't recognize came on the line.
"Yeah this is Brad Nagle from the Weston Bar on Vespa," he said. "Your friend
drank a whole mess of vodka crans and yelled at the E Network for an hour. I
took her keys, but I don't even think she'd be able to tell a cab driver her
address."
"I'll be there in twenty minutes," Chloe said. "And I'm sorry. She's… not
normally this way."
"I hope not," he said. "I'll keep an eye on her and try and get some water into
her."
"I appreciate it," Chloe said. She slid into her nearest shoes and hurried to
the bar, where Aubrey was nursing half a cup of black coffee and crying
silently. She grimaced and headed to the bar.
"Has she paid her tab?" Chloe asked.
"Slapped her credit card down when she got here," a man with a familiar voice
said. "Something about drinking a girl away. She signed for it."
"Just wanted to make sure she wasn't stiffing you," Chloe said. He gave her the
card back and she went over to Aubrey.
"Come on," she said. "Let's go." She drove Aubrey back to the apartment she
shared with her fiancé Tom. He raised an eyebrow at her, surprised that Aubrey
would be so trashed, but she shook her head and tucked Aubrey into the bed in
the spare room.
"Thanks," she said, after sipping some water. "You're always my bestest."
"I promise I will always be your bestest," Chloe said. "You okay here?" Aubrey
shook her head.
"Nobody gets it," she said. "I know you and Stacie are looking out for her and
that's sweet. But I have shit. Like, this thing that I maybe never had with
Beca was horrible for her, but me too. I hurt her and I hurt me and then I
tried to hurt me a whole lot worse, and it just all…" she gestured with her
hands.
"What do you mean you tried to hurt you worse?" Chloe asked. Aubrey's eyes were
closing, but Chloe wanted to hear this. "Aubrey? Did you do something stupid?"
"I just wanted it all to go away," she said.
"Aubrey did you… Bree, did you try and kill yourself?" she asked insistently.
The blonde was snoring, dead asleep, leaving the redhead open mouthed and
shocked. This was news to her.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Notes
     TRIGGER WARNING:
     From this point onward, this story - and this chapter in particular -
     will contain content that will be triggering to some people. Triggers
     include sexual assault, sexual assault of a minor, suicide attempts,
     and suicidal ideology. These are NOT one off isolated incidents. If
     you are likely to be triggered by content such as this, you should
     probably stop reading now.
     Once again - this story is now filled with potential triggering
     material for those sensitive to sexual assault, sexual assault of a
     minor, suicide attempts and suicidal ideology.
     This entire chapter is in flashback, and instead of being Beca's
     point of view, it's Aubrey's. It's about time we heard her side of
     the fills in her backstory up to the present time.
Eight year old Aubrey Posen was sitting on the floor, curled up against the
side of her father's desk. She was reading, today it was The Magic Faraway
Tree, and she was perched on a soft cushion, meaning she would be happy to stay
there all day long. Her dad didn't mind, she was quiet, and she was out of the
way. At times he even forgot his daughter was there, save for the occasional
soft giggle at the antics of Moonface and friends.
It was also nice to have her there because he'd had a less than fantastic week,
business wise, and she was his reminder that he had to keep on going. He was
bleeding money fast, and it was going to take an act of God for him to save the
business and his family reputation. He had a meeting scheduled for this
afternoon with someone who was interested in hearing about what a merge for
their respective businesses might mean. John Dadd didn't sound overly enthused,
but he had agreed to hear him out, and for that he was relieved.
The maid came through and announced that Mr Dadd had arrived. Arthur got up and
shook the man's hand. "Thank you for coming, especially on a weekend."
"Not at all," the other man responded. "And who is this lovely young lady?"
"This is my daughter Aubrey," he said. "She's been so quiet I actually forgot
she was here. She likes to read here from time to time. Aubrey, sweetie, Daddy
has to have a meeting now so maybe you'd like to go and read somewhere else for
a bit?" Aubrey looked displeased at being asked to move.
"No," John said, "It's fine with me if she stays. It's nice to see a kid with
their head stuck in a book instead of glued to a screen. And how old are you,
Aubrey?"
"I'm eight," she said, getting to her feet. "It's nice to meet you, sir."
"It's nice to meet you, too," he said with a smile. Aubrey resumed her spot on
the floor and picked up her book again. John addressed Arthur now. "Such a
great age."
"You've got kids?" Arthur asked, hoping to forge some kind of bond with the
man.
"Two boys," he said, admiring the little blonde. "Ten and fourteen. Would have
killed for a little girl of my own, but the last one came with complications.
Any others?"
"Just Aubrey," Arthur said. "Couldn't ask for a better kid." The talk turned to
business, hours stretching over financials and business models and sales
projections. Aubrey happily read through it all, ignoring the big words spouted
and occasional disagreements. When Arthur was looking for a particular report
he needed and remembered it was in another room or possibly in the car, Aubrey
offered to go and get it.
"No that's okay sweetie," he said. "I'll just grab it myself. You keep reading.
I won't be a moment, John." He swept out and John looked down to the reading
girl on the floor.
"What are you reading?" he asked.
"The Magic Faraway Tree," Aubrey replied. "Have you read it?"
"I can't say that I have," John said. He got up and sat on the floor next to
her. "Would you like to read it to me?" Aubrey nodded and began reading.
"I can't see the pictures," the man said a moment later. "Would you mind
sitting in my lap so I could see?" Aubrey paused for a moment, but nodded. This
was a friend of her Daddy's. She settled in the older man's lap. She felt the
older man squirm just a little once or twice.
"Am I too heavy for your lap?" she asked innocently. John shook his head and
put a hand on her leg.
"You're fine sweetie," he said in a strained voice. She resumed reading, and
kept reading as the hand moved up under her skirt. He still squirmed a little,
and made tiny noises, but Aubrey figured maybe he wasn't used to sitting on the
floor so long.
"And what in the name of hell are you doing?" Arthur asked in a strong voice.
His face was red with anger, and he was holding papers in his hand.
"Well, Arthur," John said in an oddly calm voice, "I came to this meeting
expecting to walk out and not want anything to do with your company, which at
the moment is a high risk failure for sure. I met your daughter, and what can I
say? Change of heart. I can pull Posen Enterprises out of the hole and make it
very worth your while, the question is, how bad do you want it? Fifteen minutes
and I'll sign on." Arthur felt his jaw drop. He looked at the innocent
expression on his daughter's face, and the smug look of the man who currently
had a hand up her dress. He looked between them again and again. Then he turned
and moved to the door.
"Aubrey, honey, I'll be back in a minute," he said. "You do whatever Mr Dadd
wants you to do."
"Okay Daddy," she said earnestly. "I will." Then he closed the door and strode
across the hallway and into the bathroom, where he immediately slid to the
floor and prayed that God would forgive him for what he'd just done.
He counted down until fifteen minutes had passed, and then rocketed back across
the hall. Dadd was fixing his zip, and Aubrey was looking quite distraught and
looking at the man suspiciously. Dadd went and shook Arthur's hand, and Arthur
almost threw up on his shoes.
"I'll have my office draw up terms and we can sign them this week," he said.
Then he left as it had been a perfectly normal business meeting. Arthur moved
towards Aubrey, but she slunk backwards, her eyes wide.
"I don't like that man," she said quietly. "I don't like him."
"Neither do I," her father said. "Did he hurt you?"
"No," she said slowly. "He mainly just wriggled around while I read to him some
more, and then he made a mess." Arthur was seeing red and white, he hated Dadd,
but not nearly as much as he hated himself.
"Where?" he asked.
"On my new My Little Pony underwear," she said. "Mama will be mad."
"Did he - " he swallowed hard. "Did he make you take them off?"
"No," she said. "He made me lift up my dress and he made a mess all over them,
Daddy." He bent down and hugged her, tears in his eyes. He could feel how stiff
Aubrey was, how she wasn't hugging him back and he knew he'd just destroyed the
best thing he'd ever done with his life.
"Let's go and run you a nice bath," he said warmly, trying to make his voice
sound as normal as possible. "We'll get you cleaned up and we can forget all
about it." He took Aubrey up to her bathroom and ran the water while she waited
in her bedroom. When it was full he went in and told her to undress and leave
her clothes in the hamper, she did so without saying a word.
It was the last time Aubrey ever read next to the desk in his office.
Thirteen year old Aubrey was up late again, and throwing up. Her mother had
noticed this unusual behavior years ago and taken her to see a doctor. He had
concluded that it might be anxiety of some kind, which seemed ludicrous. At the
time she was nine, what could she possibly be anxious about? But she was still
doing it years later. She knocked on Aubrey's door.
"This again?" her mother said. "Aubrey, you should really have grown out of
this behavior by now."
"I'm sorry," she said unemotionally. "I think it might just be social anxiety?
I know how much these sorts of dinners mean to dad, I don't want to disappoint
him." Caroline thought for a moment, not letting her pause belie what she was
thinking about. She was probably right, she did seem to throw up more right
around her father's business functions. And all of a sudden she knew why Aubrey
was throwing up. She didn't know if Aubrey knew that she was aware of it,
though. It had been a horrible conversation, but Arthur had convinced her that
it would be very sporadic, and it would mean that the business, the lifestyle,
their name and their wealth would all be in tact for generations.
"Try not to be up too late," her mother said. "And drink some water, it'll stop
you from getting dehydrated." Aubrey nodded and smoothed her hands over the
bottom of her dress as she stood up. She closed the bathroom door behind her
mother and stared at herself in the mirror.
At eight, it had just been John Dadd. Now it was John, and Henry, and Kevin,
and also Pearce when he was in from London, as well as any number of special
guests. She would go and sit in her father's office and wait as the men
discreetly left the party and came in one by one. In between she would duck
across the hall to her father's downstairs bathroom and throw up, drink some
water, and then return and wait patiently for the next.
Her father had stopped looking her in the eye years ago. There'd been lectures,
of course, about how much it would mean to the family business, what it would
mean if she told. Not only would the business be ruined, but her father's name,
his reputation, and then everything they'd worked so hard for would be gone.
The lifestyle, the money, the lavish presents and endless cash that Aubrey was
party to would be gone. It had meant that Aubrey was very clear about where she
stood, about what was important.
She turned and vomited again, the lurch bringing up only the smallest bit of
bile now. She'd run out of anything meaningful to regurgitate long ago. Then
she turned on the shower, making the water as hot as she could stand. Taking
her dress off - she'd already learned that underwear was pointless on these
occasions - she stuffed it into the waste basket, the same place all of her
dresses ended up when worn on such nights. It wouldn't be a problem. There'd be
a new dress for next time.
Getting in under the hot spray, she scrubbed herself clean, her skin anyway.
Then she just stood motionless under the hot water, hoping that she might wash
away down the drain as well. Then she got out, wrapped herself in her robe and
went into her bedroom. She sank into the chair at her desk. It was late, and
her mother had asked her not to stay up. But there was still one part of the
ritual. She bent down and moved a storage box to the left under the desk. Then
she picked up the journal that had been stuffed there night after night and
pulled it out. Rummaging in her desk for a pen, she began to write. She hated
to relive the experience, but it had to be done. She might need these records
one day.
Sixteen year old Aubrey came home from an arranged date with the son of a
prominent businessman shaking and pale. Her mother noticed, and despite her
protests that she was fine, followed her upstairs and into her bedroom. Aubrey
just rolled her eyes and locked the bathroom door behind her. The shower ran
for over an hour, and when she got out, she saw her mother still waiting,
perched on the bed.
"Well?" her mother said. "I'm assuming the date did not go well."
"Of course it didn't," she said bitterly. "He tried to get me to suck his dick
before we even got to the restaurant." Her mother made a face.
"Aubrey, there is no need to be so crude," she replied.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she said sarcastically. "I didn't even want to go on this
date, and you and dad knew that. So forgive me if having a dim witted idiot
trying to bend me over the hood of his Pontiac and fuck me in the ass is too
uncomfortable for you to hear about."
"Aubrey!" her mother said. "You will not speak to me like that. We thought he
was a nice, respectable boy-"
"Don't you get it mom?" Aubrey said. "I don't even like boys!"
"What?" her mother said.
"Take a look around the room, mom. What do you see?" Caroline hadn't actually
taken a good look around her daughter's room in years. The walls were plastered
not with shirtless men, but scantily clad women. "There we go. Finally twigged.
Yes mom, I'm gay. So I would really appreciate it if you and dad would at least
keep the arranged bullshit dates I have to go on to my preferred gender." Her
mother sat openmouthed as Aubrey changed. She couldn't help but wonder if
Arthur's business dealings had something to do with this.
"Is this because of… you know, what your father had you do as a child?" she
asked timidly.
"No, it's not," Aubrey said as she tugged a shirt on. "I've been gay my ent -
hang on..." Aubrey's back straightened and she turned around with a look of
absolute desperation and fury in her eyes as she realized what her mother had
just said.
"You knew?" she breathed. She was pale and her breathing grew shallow. "Oh my
god you knew, all this time, and you did nothing?"
"Aubrey, sweetie," she said, getting up to attempt to comfort her daughter.
"No fucking way," Aubrey said. "Don't fucking put your hands anywhere near me.
I can't believe all these years and you fucking knew what he was doing. You
knew that dad had whored me out to his rich business buddies as an eight year
old and no part of that was an issue for you?"
"It was for the best of the business," she said, well aware of how pathetic an
excuse that sounded. "Think where we'd be now."
"I get it," Aubrey said. She was backing into a corner, trying to physically
distance herself from the woman she called mother who had just revealed herself
to be a monster. "For you it was about the money. Never mind the fact that your
eight year old was downstairs being a target for middle aged men as they jacked
off to me in my Dora the Explorer and My Little Pony underwear. Or that at ten
I lost my virginity and as a present two of them tag teamed me and I couldn't
fucking sit down for days without it hurting. What's an STI in your eleven year
old as long as mama's getting a new Mercedes every year!?"
"Stop it!" her mother yelled. "Stop it right this instance."
"Me stop it?" Aubrey raged through thick and heavy tears. "You should have
stopped it. The second you found out, you should have stopped it. He should
never have done that to me to begin with. How the hell am I ever supposed to be
intimate with someone when all I've known is that apparently it's okay for
parents to let grown ups debase you, humiliate you, rape you and steal your
childhood over and over for a few dollars? Well that's fucking perfect. Let's
see how many dollars it makes me when I alert the cops that almost every
businessman in this state is an unscrupulous bastard and has had a ride on
underaged Aubrey, all with her parents permission?" Her mother's eyes narrowed.
"You listen to me," she said evenly. "And listen well. We did what was best, do
you understand? It was not ideal, but it's done. And so help me god, Aubrey, if
you breathe a single word of this to anybody, if any of this comes to light…
You're right about one thing. Your father's colleagues are unscrupulous
bastards. You've seen what lengths they go to for business. Just think about
what they'd do if some little blonde bitch decided she'd try and take it all
away."
"Are you threatening me?" Aubrey said.
"I'm promising something," her mother clarified. "This never sees the light of
day, do you understand?" She stormed out of Aubrey's room with trembling hands.
She needed to find Arthur now, to put an end to Aubrey's threats of revealing
them. Aubrey just sank to the floor in a heap, throwing up on the carpet and
not bothering to clean it up, just curling up tighter in the corner and crying
to herself.
Eighteen year old Aubrey was packed and ready to drive herself off to college.
She'd spent the last two years in a self enforced lockdown, choosing not to
engage with her parents above the absolute bare minimum. But now she was done,
she could leave and this horrible house and the foulness that it contained
would be behind her.
"Aubrey," rang a voice from the study. "A minute please." Aubrey was surprised.
Her father had probably spoken less than twenty complete sentences to her in
two years. She stepped into the room, shuddering as the sight of leather chairs
and the smell of cigar and whiskey brought her very worst memories back to the
forefront of her mind.
"What?" she said. No point playing nice.
"This is for you," he said. He handed her an envelope and she opened it. It
contained a check for five hundred thousand dollars.
"Trying to assuage some guilt?" she asked. He slammed his fist on the table.
"No, I am trying to provide security for my daughter!" he said. Aubrey laughed,
looking around the room.
"I find it heavily ironic that of all the rooms in this house," she said, "this
is the one in which you choose to tell me that all you're doing is providing me
security. Oh if these walls could talk, Arthur."
"Take it and leave," he said. "And don't even think about-"
"Yeah, yeah, mom already gave me the lecture," she said. "I'll take your money,
though. You sold my body enough times that I should be entitled to some of the
profit, right?"
"I never harmed a hair on your head," he said firmly.
"No, you didn't," she agreed. "You just tied me down for every monster that
wanted to take a piece of me home." She got up and walked to the door.
"We will be keeping tabs on you, you know that right?" he said. The tone
chilled her, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction. "I hope you
don't think my influence is limited to just the business world." She turned
around and leaned on the doorframe.
"Don't worry about your filthy fucking secret," she said. "Even if you're never
prosecuted, I'm sure the god you love so much is going to watch you burn in
hell for what you did to me."
"God forgives all sin," her father said emphatically.
"And that's how I know your god is a piece of shit asshole, if he even exists,"
Aubrey said. "Because there is no fucking way you and your friends should be
forgiven for what you've done. You deserve to live in eternal anguish and pain.
But that's okay. I get to carry that for you, too, along with your secrets." He
didn't say anything, didn't even look up.
"Yeah," she said. "I'd have a hard time looking at me, too." Then she turned
and practically ran from the house.
Twenty three year old Aubrey paused in the doorway of Beca Mitchell's bedroom
and looked down at the sleeping brunette. She had tears in her eyes, from which
emotion she wasn't entirely sure. Beca looked beautiful right now. She looked
content, her hair splayed across the white pillowcase. There was a tiny smile
on her lips. God she loved that girl. She loved her so much that leaving like
this was physically hurting her.
She shouldered the bag she'd quietly packed of all her things. This was not how
she wanted things to be. She wanted to stay, to wake up with Beca and kiss her
again, a lot. To explain all of the reasons why she'd taken so long, about why
she had never been able to deal with her emotions properly, why she'd fought so
hard. To ask Beca to hold her, just hold her, so she could feel like someone
actually gave a damn.
But since she'd been at college and now grad school, things hadn't gone the way
she'd wanted. She'd thought she'd be free, finally. But there were monthly
updates from her father. And by updates, he meant checks with strings of zeroes
and reminders that he had people watching her everywhere. She was trapped in
every sense of the word, and she couldn't even tell Beca, who she loved, what
was happening.
This was killing her. She'd allowed herself one night of reprieve, even though
she knew she shouldn't. This was going to devastate Beca. But the brunette had
looked at her with the kind of adoration she'd needed, that she craved, her
entire life and asked if she loved her. And she couldn't lie, she didn't want
to lie to her any more. So she'd admitted the truth, that she loved her. And it
had been incredible. Aubrey felt for the first time what it was like to be
loved, properly and wholly. She'd felt Beca snuggle into her side and drift off
to sleep, only to be plagued with reminders.
Reminders that she was for all intents and purposes, a whore. Pimped out for
almost a decade by her father to any wealthy businessman who took a fancy to
little blonde girls. She was worthless, because apparently money mattered more
than she did. And now she wasn't even worth being pimped out - she was too old,
she'd been retired at the ripe old age of sixteen. And she took the threats of
her parents seriously. If she did stay with Beca and confess everything, they'd
both be at risk. And leaving was going to hurt Beca, sure, but the alternative
was unthinkable.
She hated herself beyond measure at this point. She closed the apartment door
and called for a taxi, sliding into the back seat and giving her address to the
driver. Then she dissolved into tears and didn't stop. She cried as she handed
a wad of cash to the taxi driver, she cried as she climbed the stairs and
unlocked her apartment door, and cried as she snuck into her room quietly so as
not to wake Chloe. Then she locked herself in the tiny ensuite, curling up on
the floor next to the toilet and sobbed for everything she'd just managed to
ruin. For the fact that she'd ruined her only chance at happiness, and probably
Beca's as well, in one fell swoop. She cried because she wanted to be braver,
stronger, and she wasn't. She cried because although she'd been pretending, she
wasn't actually free.
She heard Chloe banging on the door the next day, and she wouldn't go away. So
Aubrey went out and was met with a demand to explain, which was the one thing
she couldn't do. She ignored the redhead, picked up her phone and saw that her
voicemail was full. It was Stacie, and she was less than impressed. Then she
read the texts from Beca, hating herself more with every line. Beca was
begging, outright begging for the blonde to call her and say something,
anything; that she loved her and wanted her to come back. She felt cruel and
horrible, and realized that she'd become a monster, too. In trying so hard to
run from her own demons, she'd turned into one herself. She felt like she was
going to pass out from the sheer weight of the realization, from the sudden
onslaught of anxiety it brought. She threw her phone out the window, watching
it break into pieces as it hit the concrete and wished she could do the same.
Then she returned to her bathroom and locked the door. Chloe banged on the door
for a while longer, but gave up and went away.
At two in the morning, she quietly unlocked the bathroom door. Working as
quickly and as silently as possible, she assembled all her most important
possessions and left the house. She had to take care of this now. She had to
try and salvage something of herself before there was nothing left. She needed
to talk to her parents. Loading up the car, she scrawled a quick note to Chloe
and drove back to her family home. Just seeing the building made her throw up.
But she needed to do this. She stormed inside and went in search of her
parents. It was morning, so she figured they'd be eating breakfast. She found
them in the kitchen.
"Aubrey?" her mother said. "What are you doing here?"
"How do I get this to go away?" she asked hysterically. "How do I get this out
of me?"
"What are you talking about?" her father asked.
"You know what I'm talking about," she spat. "I need it gone, it's poisoning
me. You poisoned me, and now I can't do anything but destroy the things I
love."
"Aubrey, this is not the place nor the time," he said.
"I fell in love," she said hopelessly. "I tried so hard not to because I know
there's nothing inside me. But she made me come alive, and I fell in love with
her. "
"You'll fall in love again," her mother said dismissively.
"Not like this I won't," she said. "She was everything to me. And she loved me
back, mom. She saw all this chaos wrapped in a shell and she decided she loved
it anyway. She held me and touched me like I was precious, spoke my name like
it was gifted to her and with her I felt safe like I never felt here."
"So why are you here? Why aren't you there?"
"Because after all the things I endured because of you two," she said, "the
only thing I knew how to do was hurt her. I hurt her and she's never going to
forgive me, and she shouldn't."
"That still doesn't explain what you're doing here," her mother said pointedly.
"I need you to tell me how I'm supposed to function like this!" she said. "How
am I supposed to walk around every day knowing that all I can do is crush the
people I love, that all I can do is smile and pretend that everything is okay
and that I live a lucky, blessed life when it's been a literal horror show. How
am I supposed to find someone and share my life with them, when you've made it
perfectly clear that if I tell anyone what happened to me, I'll probably be
killed? How do I live like this?"
"You start by not overreacting," her father said. "We didn't ruin your life, we
provided for you every opportunity a child could ask for, given you the very
best. There are thousands of people out there dreaming they had the same
chances as you."
"Children don't dream of being sold off as sex toys," Aubrey said.
"What do you want?" her mother asked. "An apology? Well, what can I say? The
Lord has seen fit to forgive us, and you should, too." Aubrey shook her head.
Of course it wasn't going to do any good. They had managed to delude themselves
into a blameless state. There was nothing left to be achieved. No retribution.
More importantly, no redemption. She would never be clean, never be free, never
be anything other than destroyed. She stalked back out to her car and drove
until she found an open liquor store. She picked up a bottle of vodka and
ignored the pointed look of the clerk, slapping cash down and walking away.
Then she opened the bottle, took a healthy swig and began to drive. She had no
plan now. She had no place to go, no person to turn to. She kept drinking as
she drove, the lines slowly becoming less and less clear marked on the road.
Then it hit her. There was nothing left for her, so what was the point? Maybe
she should stop deluding herself as well, and just end it. She pulled over
sloppily and downed the last of the bottle, the strong taste a mere tickle at
this point. Then she unbuckled her seatbelt.
"So, god, if you're real, you can kiss my fucking ass in person," she slurred.
"You're a piece of shit." She gunned the engine and drove, searching for a
cliff or a bridge. But it was all woods and parks. After a few moments she
decided to hell with it and just took her hands off of the wheel and closed her
eyes, anticipating the impact and the peace it would surely bring.
When she woke, she was not happy. She should be dead, she wanted to be dead.
And instead she was strapped to a bed in a hospital with something crammed down
her throat that was making her choke. A doctor instructed her to blow and
pulled the tube out.
"You're awake," he said. She tried to get up and was immediately pushed back
down. "Do you know what day it is?"
"No," she mumbled. Her hand flew to her throat, and a nurse brought a glass of
water over for her to sip from.
"Do you know your name?" he asked.
"Aubrey Posen," she said hoarsely. "Let me the fuck out of here."
"We can't do that," he said. "And you wouldn't be able to go anywhere, anyway."
She looked down. One leg was encased in plaster and resting on a pulley. She
began to take note of all the other injuries as well.
"Can you tell us what happened?" he asked.
"Drank a bottle of vodka and tried to drive off a bridge," she said, coughing.
"No bridges, so I just closed my eyes and tried to let fate kill me."
"And why did you do that?" he asked. Aubrey shut down, went into full non-
responsive mode. She didn't react to a single other question. The doctor
disappeared and returned with her father. She didn't say a word, but she didn't
need to. The monitor that was steadily beeping with her heart rate rocketed and
she began to hyperventilate. Her father was immediately rushed from the room as
they tried to calm her. They injected something into her and she became drowsy
again, and drifted off into chemical sleep.
The next time she woke, there was only a nurse in the room, just waiting
patiently. "You're awake," she said. Aubrey nodded and looked around
suspiciously. "Nobody else is here. My name is Judy." The nurse came over to
her. She was middle aged and looked competent.
"What are you doing?" Aubrey asked.
"I'm just going to check your vitals," she said. "Is that okay?" Aubrey nodded.
It was the first time any stranger had asked her if it was okay to touch her,
normally they just went ahead and did it. She was quick and gentle.
"Before I go and get a doctor," she said, "Can I ask you a few things?" Aubrey
eyed her but nodded.
"Okay," she said.
"You tried to kill yourself?" she asked. Aubrey nodded. The tone wasn't
judgmental or accusatory. She began to like her more.
"And does that have anything to do with your dad?" She nodded again.
"What about your mom? She was here, too." She nodded.
"Would you prefer that we don't let either of them in here?" she asked. Aubrey
nodded, her eyes wide. "I'm afraid that one needs a verbal response, honey."
"Don't let them in," she said. "I don't want them anywhere near me, I don't
want them here." Judy nodded her understanding.
"Will you tell me why?" the nurse asked. Aubrey shook her head, no. "Are you
aware that they're probably going to commit you to the psychiatric unit for a
while?" Aubrey just shrugged.
"Whatever. That might be good."
"Okay," the nurse said. "I'll go get a doctor." She stood up.
"Uh, any female doctors?" she asked.
"Sorry, I didn't catch that," the nurse said.
"I'd prefer a female doctor if that's possible," Aubrey said.
"I can get Dr McLeod for you," she said.
"Thank you," Aubrey responded. She was barely gone a minute when she returned
with a friendly looking female doctor. She looked younger than the nurse, but
again, she looked like she had a handle on what she was doing.
"I'm Dr McLeod," she said. "Sorry about having to drug you before. The other
doc said your pulse and heart rate were going crazy and you hyperventilated.
Coming out of a coma, things like that are not conducive to a good recovery."
"How long was I out?" Aubrey asked. "First time, not this time."
"Four days," the woman replied. "You broke your leg pretty bad, your ribs and
your nose. Plenty of stitches. Great pair of black eyes. Airbag."
"What did I hit?" Aubrey asked.
"You don't remember?" the doctor asked.
"No, I closed my eyes," Aubrey said. "I didn't care what I hit, as long as I
hit it hard." The woman looked confused by this.
"So you admit you were trying to kill yourself?" she asked.
"Yes," Aubrey said. She began to stiffen back up.
"Relax," the doctor said. "We just want to get an idea of what's happening.
Because your parents want to be overly involved considering you're an adult.
Your dad is trying to have you declared incompetent, but so far in this
conversation you seem very rational and oriented, save for the trying to kill
yourself. It's an anomaly."
"Keep my dad away from me," she begged. "And my mom."
"You'll have to tell us why at some point," Dr McLeod said. "Otherwise your
dad's petition will probably get granted."
"Are you fucking joking?" Aubrey asked, tears in her eyes. The doctor was
concerned now.
"Whatever it is, we can protect you," she said. "But we can't help you unless
we have some guidelines here. Do we need to call the police?"
"I don't know," Aubrey said in a panicked whisper. "This is… I can't, because-
dammit. It's been made very clear to me that if I talk about what happened,
what I know, I die." The nurse was up in a flash and on the phone.
"She's calling the police," the doctor said. "What do you know?"
"I can't," Aubrey said. "This is big. Like, one of those things you wouldn't
even think was real, and nobody will even admit to it happening except me, and
I've been blackmailed into staying quiet for years."
"Jesus, Aubrey, what did they do to you?" Aubrey began crying, tears she
couldn't stop. She was scared, sedated and exhausted. She didn't care if she
died any more anyway, so she figured she might as well answer their questions.
They let her cry for a while, and then the nurse sat back down.
"Can I ask some more questions?" she said in her soothing tone. Aubrey nodded
but closed her eyes.
"Does this involve rape?" she asked quietly. Aubrey nodded. "Your rape?" Aubrey
nodded again.
"Okay," the nurse said. "Is this recent?" Aubrey shook her head.
"Were you under the age of sixteen?" the doctor asked now. Aubrey nodded.
"Fourteen?" She nodded again and opened her eyes. She scrambled to hold on to
the nurses hand. The nurse squeezed it.
"Twelve?" the doctor asked.
"It started when I was eight," she said softly. "And ended when I was sixteen."
"Your parents molested you?" Dr McLeod asked. Aubrey shook her head with a sad
smile.
"The first time I was eight," she said in a small voice. "My dad traded a man
fifteen minutes with me to bail out his business. And for the next eight years
I was passed around by some of this state's wealthiest men, all with the
complete knowledge of my parents, at their house. And when I threatened to
tell, to expose it, they made sure I understood that as soon as I said a word I
was as good as dead. I tried to kill myself because this horrible secret has
been destroying me from the inside out for years and there's nothing left worth
saving." The nurse was gripping her hand tightly. She was angry, more than
anything. The girl's mother had paraded into the hospital with her crocodile
tears, pretending she was worried about her poor, mentally unstable daughter.
The doctor put a hand on her knee.
"They aren't getting into this hospital again," she promised. "I'll have a cop
outside this door, do you hear me?" Aubrey nodded, and the nurse let go long
enough to grab some tissues, but then she was right back by Aubrey's side. The
doctor promised to be back as soon as she spoke with the soon to arrive
officers.
"I need help," Aubrey pleaded softly. "It's ruined everything about me,
everything I ever cared about."
"We can get you help," the nurse said. "We will. And if I say it, well you
better believe it. Better strike rate than Jesus himself, not that I believe in
him."
"You don't believe in god?" Aubrey asked.
"Sweetie, doing this job and hearing stories just like the story you told, if
there is a god he's a sadistic asshole who isn't worth being spit on let alone
prayed to," she said. Aubrey relaxed and lay back, her hand still tight in the
nurse's.
When Chloe called to let her know that Beca had moved to LA and left Barden for
good, what she didn't see was that Aubrey wasn't just sitting in a new
apartment, moved on from everything that had happened. She was in a wellness
facility, a place where she could try to begin to recover from the atrocities
she had suffered. It was one of those made-over ranch places where there was a
nurse for every two patients and therapy was held in gruelling sessions for
hours at a time. It was vehement lobbying from Dr McLeod and her colleagues in
the psychiatric ward that had gained her admission. But it was irony that
allowed her to pay for it with the guilt checks her dad had been sending her
for the past five years.
Chloe also didn't see that the call had caused Aubrey to cry for almost three
straight hours until her assigned nurse had asked the doctor to sedate her. She
didn't see that in terms of recovery, it set her back weeks to hear all over
again how badly she had hurt the one person she'd truly loved.
She lived in the facility for eight and a half months, considered a suicide
risk and monitored more closely than a lot of the others since she had talked
so freely of death being her best option. The call from Chloe had caused the
first of two major setbacks.
Her second setback came when her ordeal was taken before the courts. The judge
had been unswayed by Aubrey's testimony, and given that all of the evidence was
gone, discovered and destroyed by her father with the rest of her belongings,
he was reluctant to exercise the full power of the law. Her legal aid attorneys
were Rich and Dayna, two seasoned professionals who saw the presiding judge and
immediately started swearing and panicking.
They sat her down and explained that he tended to be sympathetic to anyone
involved in big business, that it had to do with an upcoming bid to move into
the Senate and that it wasn't going to be anything close to the outcome they
hoped for.
It ended up being worse than even they had anticipated. The first sign of how
bad it would be was when he ordered the court closed and imposed a gag order on
the sentencing hearing. Aubrey was sick when she heard that harshest sentences
were the six years suspended sentence issued to her parents and for John Dadd,
who had started the entire mess, two months and two weeks weekend detention.
She's spent a solid hour vomiting into a wastebasket as Dayna held her hair
back and Rich yelled at the judge in chambers. Their passion to see justice
done was to no avail, he refused to budge. His idea of mercy was to force all
parties to sign non-disclosure agreements that also specified they weren't ever
to make contact with Aubrey again, even her parents.
Dayna had driven her back to the ranch the clinic was housed at, leaving her
practically catatonic with the doctors. She didn't speak a word for two days
and when she finally did, they were to her therapist. "Tell me again why I
shouldn't want to die." The therapist shrugged.
"Honestly? If I was in your position right now, I'd probably want to die, too.
But you've got a choice. You can try and appeal, and waste more of your life
letting them kill you slowly. Or you can get off your ass and live, and start
to kill the bits of these people that are eating at you." She didn't speak
again for the rest of the two hour session, but the doctor didn't mind, because
she could see that the blonde was thinking. Three days later she asked if they
could see about how she would be able to finish law school.
She ended up getting her law degree, not from a fancy school like Yale or
Princeton. It ended up being a second or maybe even third tier school that
anyone who knew her family would have sneered at. The day she graduated, two of
the workers from the ranch had been there to celebrate with her. It was the
proudest moment of her life.
Two months after she became a licensed attorney, she found an article in an
online paper that said her father had died of a heart attack. She couldn't even
feel remotely sorry for him or her mother. She skipped the funeral and called
Chloe, hoping her number hadn't changed. The redhead had been surprised and
cautious and still a little angry. Aubrey began the conversation by saying that
her father was dead. Chloe had fussed and worried, but Aubrey had stopped her
and said that she missed her friend. And now her father was dead but she didn't
want to be all alone in her life and she knew that she'd done unforgivable
things, but her father was dead now and she needed to move on.
Chloe had sensed that this was a much more important moment than it seemed and
told her she was free to come and stay with her and Tom if she wanted to catch
up. She did, and although they never did speak about what had happened with
Beca or anything that came after, Chloe was glad to have Aubrey back. She'd
undergone some kind of change, she couldn't tell what, but she seemed happy,
for the most part.
Her mother later sent a letter through a third party - a cousin Aubrey no
longer talked to - asking to come and make peace. She was ill, or something.
The years of drinking her guilt away had eroded her liver and kidneys and it
wasn't supposed to be much longer. Aubrey had worried herself into an anxiety
attack and called her therapist. "You owe them nothing," she had said to Aubrey
plainly. "Not after what they did. They had so many opportunities to make their
peace. So unless it is something you want to do, Aubrey, don't do it." She
balled the letter up and threw it in the trash. She interviewed for jobs
instead, finally landing at King & Dollin. And that was the trajectory that had
brought her to LA, to Beca, to the bar and to passing out in Chloe's spare bed.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chloe anxiously waited for Aubrey to wake up, but the blonde was in the super
heavy sleep that drunk people tended to fall into when they had successfully
obliterated themselves the night before.
She'd shared with Tom what Aubrey had said before she'd fallen asleep, and he
had seen how worried she now was. He had thought it strange when Aubrey had
reappeared in their lives after so long, but Chloe was adamant that something
was different with her. He made it clear that if Aubrey needed help he would be
willing, but that all of the difficult conversations would be better if they
were just between Aubrey and Chloe.
So Chloe was waiting with a small mountain of hangover supplies for Aubrey to
wake up, one eye glued to the bedroom door. When Aubrey finally staggered out -
ironically she never vomited from being drunk which was just mind boggling for
someone who used to throw up regularly from stress - and into the bathroom,
Chloe went into the guest room and waited. She opened the window and deposited
the painkillers, the water and the black coffee on the nightstand. Aubrey came
back in, squinting at the now open window. She left the pane open but pulled
the blind back down.
"Chloe," she said softly, "I am so sorry about last night. It's just a lot of
things crept up on me and… I shouldn't have intruded on you and Tom." She took
a few of the painkillers and washed it down with black coffee.
"I'm worried about you, Bree," Chloe sighed. "You've been kind of weird ever
since you and Beca crossed paths. And last night you told me you tried to kill
yourself. I want you to talk to me. You know you can, right?" Aubrey's jaw
dropped. She didn't remember doing that.
"I told you that?" Aubrey said.
"Yes," Chloe said. "You were rambling about Beca's shit and then your shit, and
then you said you hurt her but then you tried to hurt you worse." Aubrey knew
she'd have to cave eventually.
"Look, I wanted to explain myself to Beca first," Aubrey said. "But she's happy
with Billie. I saw the footage. They make a cute couple and she looks…"
"Happy. I know," Chloe said. Aubrey sighed.
"Can I make a phone call first?" she said. "I'll tell you everything, but you
have to promise to let me finish before you say anything, and I need to make a
call before I start."
"Sure," Chloe said with a reassuring smile. "Who are you calling?"
"My old therapist," Aubrey said. Chloe raised an eyebrow, but promised she'd
wait in the living room so she could have some privacy.
"How did it go?" Tom asked.
"She said she's going to tell me everything," Chloe said. "After she talks to
her therapist. She called her."
"Aubrey's in therapy?" Tom asked. Chloe shrugged. "Let me give you girls some
space. I'll duck out for a while, I wanted to get to Home Depot and we need
some groceries. Text me when it's safe to come home or if you need anything."
He leaned down to kiss Chloe before he left.
"Love you," she said.
"I love you, too," he replied. Aubrey stayed in the room for almost half an
hour before she emerged.
"Do you need anything before you start?" Chloe asked. "Some more water?"
"Water and you may as well grab some tissues," Aubrey said. Chloe didn't like
the sound of that, but she went and got some anyway, then switched her cell
phone on to silent.
"Okay," Chloe said. "Hit me."
"Are you sure you want to hear all of this?" Aubrey said. "It's long and ugly
and it's going to change the way you look at me."
"Bree," she said. "Tell me. Whatever this is, you're not alone in it. I want to
be here for you." So Aubrey began. She started at age eight and began to tell
Chloe what her childhood had been. She could see the redhead wanting to ask
something or interject, but she kept true to her word and stayed silent.
Somewhere around age ten Chloe began to cry, Aubrey too. She spoke evenly her
voice wavering as she recapped some of the heavier events, like the night she
learned her mother had been party to the whole thing. She felt Chloe grab on to
her hand tightly and squeeze as she continued, right through leaving Beca in
the middle of the night.
She got to her suicide attempt, her stay at the wellness facility, the hours of
grueling therapy and the trial, and Chloe's mind was reeling. How was Aubrey
even a functioning human being? This was surely way too much for a single
person to handle. When the narrative was finally done, both girls with tears
sliding down their faces, all Chloe could think to do was hug her. So she did,
she pulled Aubrey into her arms and held her there for as long as she could,
long minutes just hugging her until Aubrey pulled back.
"So that's it," Aubrey said, sniffling. "Like I keep saying, it doesn't excuse
what I did to Beca, but it explains it."
"Bree, I feel horrible for contributing to your relapses," Chloe said. "I'm so
sorry."
"You didn't know," Aubrey said. "I didn't want anyone to know."
"I can't believe everything you've gone through, yet you're still standing,"
Chloe said. "I'm so proud of you."
"I couldn't let them kill me," Aubrey said. "So yeah, I need you to not-"
"Of course," Chloe said. "I'm glad you told me, but I'm not saying anything to
anyone. But can I say that I really fucking hate your parents right now? I'm
glad your dad is dead, and as a doctor I shouldn't say that."
"I'm pretty sure mom is too," Aubrey said. "And I'm not sorry. They ruined me
and refused to take any responsibility. She tried to get me to come see her,
said she was sick, but I couldn't do it. Angela, my therapist, she said I
didn't have to. She said if it wasn't beneficial to me, to my recovery, or to
my life now, I didn't have to give them a damn thing."
"Do you still see her much? Angela?"
"She's back in North Carolina," Aubrey said. "I haven't officially been her
patient for a long time. But she was the one who helped me get back into school
and she said she wants to hear from me whenever, for whatever reason. When I
was at the facility she was my main therapist. I thought she was a hard bitch
at the start. But she never gave up on me, never let me give up on myself. She
broke through. It was after the trial that it all happened. It was rough. But
she kept saying to me that if I wanted to kill myself she wouldn't be able to
stop me. But she also said if there was even the tiniest part of me that didn't
want to die, she knew I wouldn't be able to do it. So it was time to put up or
shut up."
"I'm glad you have someone like that," Chloe said. "Because yes, I'm glad you
told me, but I'm not really equipped to help you deal with it in the way you
need."
"I know," Aubrey said. "When I called her, Angela and I talked about it and
she's going to email me a referral to a friend of hers out here. I'm not
anticipating any super crazy stuff or a relapse, but I feel like it'd be safer
to go and talk things over with someone before it gets out of control."
"Is there anything you need from me that will help you out?" Chloe asked.
"I don't think so," Aubrey said. "It was mostly that everyone kept telling me
over and over that I was this heartless villain but nobody knew that it
literally had nothing to do with Beca, and I didn't know how to tell anyone. I
mean, honestly, how would you have handled that story during college?" Chloe
thought for a moment. She could see Aubrey's point.
"Not well," she admitted. "It's like one of those things you read about and
never believe."
"I know," Aubrey said. "Except it was happening to me."
"Jesus Aubrey," Chloe said. "I am so glad that you made it through all that. I
barely even know what to say."
"You can tell Tom, if you want to," Aubrey said. "You guys have been my closest
friends since I've been here. And he really is a good guy, Chloe. You two are
going to be so happy together."
"I don't have to tell him if you'd prefer," Chloe said. "That's some heavy duty
history."
"No, it's fine," Aubrey said. "You shouldn't have secrets from Tom. I just… I
guess it was time for someone to know. And if I want anyone to know, it's you
two."
"Well, I won't go into detail. But you're right, I don't like keeping things
from him." Chloe pulled her in and wrapped a reassuring arm around her. "Now,
you can totally shower and whatever if you like. The bartender took your keys
last night though, so I'll have to drop you back there so you can pick up your
car."
"How drunk was I?"
"I don't think I've seen you that drunk since… Junior year? Like at that Delta
mixer?" Chloe said.
"Oh god," Aubrey said. "Thanks for coming to get me."
"Hey, I'm sure you carted my drunk ass home a number of times when we were in
college," Chloe said. "Returning the favor, albeit many years later. So…
feeling up to breakfast?"
"No," Aubrey said, grimacing at the thought of food. "But thanks. I think maybe
I need a day at home to recuperate and call this therapist and sort a few
things out."
"That's probably a good idea," Chloe said. "Go shower, I'll drive you back to
your car after you feel a little more human." Aubrey got up, Chloe squeezing
her hand tightly before she relinquished it so she could head to the bathroom.
Aubrey took a long shower, water as hot as she could stand, before she changed
into some of Chloe's clothes. When she emerged from the guest room, Tom was
arriving home. "I'm ready, Chlo."
"I'll just put my shoes on," Chloe said, and she disappeared.
"Tom, sorry for intruding last night," she said. "Chloe will fill you in. But
yeah, sorry to be an inconvenience."
"Aubrey, you're not an inconvenience to us," Tom said. "You're okay, though?"
"Yeah, Tom," she said. "I'm okay."
"Good," he said. "You're family to Chloe and I. Don't forget that." She
stretched up and kissed him on the cheek.
"Thank you," she said. Chloe appeared with the keys and they left, Chloe
driving back to pick up the car she'd been banned from driving last night. She
went into the bar to get her keys, only to find herself having a disagreement
with the morning bar staff.
"What do you mean you aren't giving me my keys back?" Aubrey said. "They're my
keys."
"Yes," the woman said firmly. "And Brad told me that if you showed up before
nightfall, you'd probably still be too drunk to drive."
"I'm sorry?" Chloe said.
"He's not being a dick," the woman said. "He left a note saying that a blonde
named Aubrey would be in for some keys and with the amount of vodka you drank
last night, you would definitely still blow over the limit today. That's a
fact. So in good conscience, I can't give you back your keys if you're planning
on driving."
"Fine," Chloe said, holding out her hand. "Give me her keys, I'll drop her at
home."
"No, Chlo, I'll take a cab," Aubrey said. "I've already put you out enough."
"Don't be ridiculous," Chloe said. "I'm already out, I'll drop you off, you can
come get your car tomorrow."
"Fine," Aubrey said. Then she turned to the woman at the bar. "Tell Brad he's a
pain in my ass, even if he does make a mean vodka cran. And also… that I
appreciate him being so concerned about my ability to drive." The woman
smirked.
"I will," she said. She handed the keys to Chloe, and the two women left. Chloe
dropped Aubrey off at her apartment, just as the blonde's throbbing headache
was starting to take its place back behind her eyeballs.
"Thanks Chloe," she said. "You're the best." Chloe pulled her into a fierce
hug.
"Love you, Bree," she said. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"
"I will," she promised. She closed the door behind her. She went straight into
the kitchen and tugged a bottle of water out of the fridge, then to the
bathroom to dig some aspirin out. She took two with the water and slumped back
onto her bed. It was cool and dark in her bedroom and she soon fell asleep
again.
When she woke a few hours later it was mid afternoon. She was starting to get
hungry so she toasted a bagel and made some more black coffee. She was feeling
better than when she woke. As she settled in to her couch with coffee in hand,
she grabbed the remote and turned the television on. It was six minutes and
thirty seconds before she saw Beca's face, linked with Billie's, on some
entertainment news break. She sighed. But she didn't feel the urge to go and
down a bottle of vodka as she did the night before. She did, however, decide to
grab the number of Angela's friend so she could arrange an appointment.
She checked her email and saw the one from Angela, as promised, and picked up
her phone to call the number. It rang three times.
"Dr Knight's office," a clipped male voice said.
"Hi," Aubrey said. "I realize it's late on a Saturday, but I was hoping to book
an appointment with Dr Knight for during the week sometime, or at her earliest
convenience."
"I'm sorry, Dr Knight isn't taking new clients at the moment," the voice
replied.
"Yes," Aubrey said. "I'm aware of that also, but I was given this number by Dr
Angela Fallon and told to mention her name."
"Hold one moment please," the man said. Aubrey waited through some generic hold
music for several long minutes. The receptionist clicked back on to the call.
"Dr Knight will see you on Friday at four pm."
"Thank you," Aubrey said. "Do I need to bring anything with me?"
"If you prefer I can email you a form for the release of your records from Dr
Fallon, and you can fax it back to us," the man said. "It may be easier for
you."
"That'd be great," she said. She gave the man her email address and he promised
to send the form along with the address of the offices. She hung up and decided
it was time for a long hot bath, to try and put all memory of last night, of
rehashing everything this morning for Chloe, and of course, Beca and Billie out
of her head.
Beca, on the other hand, was enjoying the afternoon with Billie. They'd made a
conscious effort so far to ignore all of the press and tabloid media requests.
Sure when they had stepped out together during the day their photo was snapped
more than once, but it was okay now. It was out there. Beca Mitchell was dating
Billie West.
So far that day they'd managed to have lunch with Stacie and James, who were
doing pretty well so far. Beca and Stacie had talked about it one night over
late coffee and donuts. James was great, in Stacie's opinion. He was a lot
quieter and more softly spoken than she had assumed. He was a good
conversationalist, and funny, which were things Stacie liked in a guy. And
Stacie of course had mentioned that he was incredibly good looking - even after
the movie related beard disappeared - and that he was better than good in the
bedroom. Beca had rolled her eyes, but all she cared about was that Stacie
seemed happy in the new stages of this relationship.
After farewelling Stacie and James they'd just headed toward the beach and
walked for a while, sun warming their skin and sand warming their feet. After
that it was back to Beca's for an afternoon spent in bed together. It would be
the last time they'd be spending time for over a week - Billie had a job booked
for Houston and was leaving Monday morning, and had yet to pack.
They were laying Beca's bed, the afternoon sun spilling through the window and
pretty keen on the idea of a nap. Billie's fingers were tracing over Beca's
phoenix tattoo as the brunette hummed softly. The blonde spoke softly. "Will
you tell me about the phoenix? I know you said it was big for you. If you're
ready that is."
"It was big," Beca said. She thought for a moment, wondering if there would
ever be a moment to talk about Aubrey. It wasn't even that she couldn't talk
about her, it's that even talking about her after all this time still brought
out the worst emotions in her. But Billie was a big part of her life now. The
moment grew longer and Billie started to worry.
"Hey," she said to Beca. "You know I love you, right? So whatever this is,
however scary you think this is, I'm not going to run away from you." Beca felt
her chest tighten. Billie loved her?
"Did you just say you love me?" she asked softly.
"Yes I did," Billie said. "I do." Beca sucked in a breath and let it out
shakily.
"I'll tell you what the phoenix is about," Beca said. "Because I'm hoping it
might explain why it might take me a really long time to return that sentiment.
It has nothing to do with you."
"Okay," Billie said uncertainly. For the first time she was nervous about their
relationship. She'd just told Beca she loved her and the first thing Beca says
is that she can't say it back.
"Remember when I told you about the guy in college who used to buy me roses all
the time?"
"Yeah I remember," Billie said.
"His name was Jesse," she said. "He was the first real friend I made at Barden.
And he was like a brother to me. So when all that shit went down after I told
my dad I was gay, I went to him thinking I'd get some support."
"What happened?"
"He flipped out," Beca said. "I'd just come from some pretty weighty lectures
from my dad that basically ended with him saying he wasn't interested in
pursuing his fatherly duties for someone like me. Jesse followed it up with
exploding and saying that if I wasn't going to fuck him, then he'd wasted his
time with our friendship all year."
"He did not," Billie said.
"Yeah," Beca said. "So there's dad who bailed when I was a kid, mom who died -
nothing to be done about that, dad again when he found out I was gay, and then
Jesse who decided that I wasn't worth a friendship unless there was sex in it."
"I'm sensing a pattern here," Billie said.
"My past is littered with people who claimed to love me and not one of them
could manage to hang around," she said. "Mom loved me, I don't doubt it, and I
have no doubt that if she was still alive she'd still be there for me. But
yeah, it's not a good feeling when every significant person in your life
disappears."
"So, the phoenix?" Billie enquired.
"Her name was Aubrey," Beca said. "And I loved her. God, Billie, I loved her so
fucking much it was crazy. We'd gotten to be close after she graduated. She
stayed for grad school but her best friend moved away. And as we got closer, I
fell hard. Like, I was smitten with her."
"Straight girl?"
"Not a straight girl," Beca said. "Gay girl. Anyway, I was in love with her so
bad. So one night, it was my birthday actually, I confessed it all to her. Told
her how I felt, and went to kiss her. She stopped me and said that I was drunk.
Not going to lie, that hurt, but I didn't try it again because I didn't want
her to think that alcohol was making me do something I didn't want. So the next
morning I bring it up again, and she still says no. She said she wasn't ready.
Still hurt like a bitch, but I could deal with it because it meant that she
would be ready one day."
"Let me guess, that day never came?" Billie said.
"It really wasn't fair," Beca said. "Aubrey would come over and she'd lay all
over me, cuddle me, share my bed, stay the night, and she'd never ever talk
about it. I kept telling myself that the magical one day was coming, because I
was so in love with her I would have waited forever. If Stacie hadn't said
anything, I probably never would have confronted her. But Stace made me see
that Aubrey was getting everything she wanted out of the deal. She was getting
comfort and intimacy and every time she left I was torn to pieces. She was
happy to ignore my feelings. So I gave her the ultimatum. She needed to talk to
me about it or she had to stop."
"And what happened?" Billie asked.
"She said she loved me back," Beca said softly. Her eyes pressed closed as she
tried to push back the tears that were threatening to spill from behind her
eyes. "She said she loved me back and that she always had and she was scared.
But she kissed me and I kissed her back and we went to bed together. And I felt
like I finally had someone who loved me, deeply, who wasn't going to run away.
Except the next morning I woke up alone with a note that said "I'm sorry, I
can't" and she was gone. The next day she ran all the way back to North
Carolina."
"Oh my god," Billie breathed.
"And it sounds like some kind of hump and dump, but to me it was so much worse.
Because Aubrey knew. She knew about mom, about dad, about Jesse. She knew how
hard it was for me to open myself up like that. She knew how vulnerable I was,
and she did it anyway. I went into full meltdown. I just didn't have the energy
or capacity to deal with anything," Beca said. "Stacie is the only reason I
made it through that time. I didn't leave my room for days, didn't leave the
apartment for weeks. I barely ate, almost gave music away entirely. All I could
do was wonder what kind of person I must be to keep inviting people into my
life who were going to say they love me and then leave me? How horrible a
person must I be to attract that over and over?"
"Beca," Billie said, "I'm not going to pretend I understand what that was like
for you. I have no idea and it would be rude of me to assume I do. But I'm so
sorry that you went through all of that, and I promise that you don't need to
tell me you love me to make me stay."
"Thank you," Beca said. "Two months after this happened I left Barden. It hurt
too much to walk around town and see all the places I used to go with Aubrey. I
kept breaking down, standing in line at the coffee place with tears just
pouring down my face. Walking past a used record store. Standing inside the
bookstore and staring vacantly at the shelves. It was too much, the whole town
hurt and everything was a reminder that I wasn't good enough to hang around
for. So I came out here and crashed at Stacie's cousin's place til I could
afford my own."
"And how are you now?" Billie asked. Her hand grasped Beca's.
"Okay, but wary," Beca said. "It's not that I think you're lying when you say
you love me, Billie, I don't think that at all. But there's just way too much
precedent for me with what happens when I express that kind of thing to
someone, so I can't say it back. Not yet. But I do care about you, Billie, I
swear." She was starting to tear up.
"No, it's okay," Billie said. "I get it. Thank you for telling me the story,
Beca. It helps me understand you a lot better. And I'm not going to pressure
you about saying that you love me. I promise."
"I did the whole therapy thing," Beca said. "It took a lot of work for me to
even get to a spot where I'd consider dating. Should have seen how happy Stacie
was when she found out you and I were together. She's been my biggest
supporter, my absolute rock through all of this." Billie curled up against
Beca's side and tugged the blanket up over them, before she slung an arm over
Beca's waist.
"I'm glad you have Stacie," Billie said. "She's a really great girl. Did you
ever hear from Aubrey again?"
"I didn't hear from Aubrey again for six years," Beca said. She yawned. "Then I
walked into an office at the law firm we use and she was sitting across the
table from me. I did not see that coming."
"Hang on, that blonde lawyer when we drew up terms for Echo," Billie said. "Her
name was Aubrey. That was her?" She recalled the blonde as being very
attractive, intelligently spoken and competent.
"That's Aubrey," Beca confirmed. "I don't know when she got to LA, how or why
or anything, and I don't want to know. I already told her, this is only a
professional thing. You don't have to worry about her. She fucked me up so bad,
it's better if I pretend we have no history at all." Billie absently pressed a
kiss to the top of Beca's head and stroked her arm a little as she felt the
smaller girl drift off to sleep.
Beca started snoring lightly, but she stayed wide awake. There was something
incredibly unsettling about knowing that Aubrey was back in her life, was
someone that Beca would possibly have to deal with from time to time. Even
though Beca had told her not to worry, she couldn't help but wonder what kind
of affect Aubrey might have on her, despite the many years that had passed.
She eventually did get drowsy enough to nap, waking a little bit later as Beca
was sitting up and stretching. "Hey," Beca said. "Didn't mean to wake you."
"No, it's fine," Billie replied. She took in the sight of her girlfriend. Hair
all over the place, stretching out her limbs, tattoos contorting as the muscles
moved. Beca was beautiful and she couldn't figure out how anyone could just
leave her in the middle of the night when they had the option of staying and
waking up next to her. Beca was wondering why Billie was staring at her.
"What?" Beca said.
"Nothing," Billie said. Beca wrinkled her nose and leaned back to kiss her.
"You sure?" Beca asked.
"Just not sure how someone could walk out on you with no warning," Billie said.
"That just seems crazy to me. I'd rather wake up next to you with your hair in
my face." The smile on Beca's face grew wider and she leaned down to kiss her
again, shifting so she could deepen the entanglement.
As Beca kissed her Billie felt her earlier nervousness drain away. Beca had
never given her reason to doubt her feelings, ever. And from all accounts, it
was a huge step for her to tell her about Aubrey and everything that went with
that. She pulled Beca down, rolling onto her body.
"Are you getting hungry?" Beca asked. Billie just ran her thumb along Beca's
lip as she nodded.
"Yeah," she said. "But it can wait."
***** Chapter 9 *****
Billie got home early the next morning. Rising early was her punishment for
having procrastinated packing for so long. She had allowed herself the
indulgence of a lengthy goodbye shower with Beca, but after that she really had
a lot to be getting on with. She walked quietly down the hall headed for the
kitchen, only to find Stacie sitting at the counter drinking a cup of coffee
and reading the morning paper. This was the first time that she'd encountered
Stacie in this manner. She knew that James and Stacie were at the point of
sleeping at each other's houses, but given that she spent so much time at
Beca's, this was new.
"Hey," Stacie said casually. "Coffee's fresh."
"Excellent," Billie said. She walked around behind Stacie, realizing that she
wasn't wearing any pants, just a long baseball tee that belonged to James. She
poured a cup of coffee and her mind drifted back to the previous night. Then
she started realizing just how much she was going to miss the brunette when she
was gone.
"I can hear your brain churning from here," Stacie said. "What's up?"
"Uh, nothing," Billie said. "Just thinking about Beca. Gonna miss her while I'm
in Houston."
"She's really into you," Stacie said. "Gotta say, it makes me happy. I've
worried about Beca for a lot of years, even when she didn't want me to."
"She told me about Aubrey last night," Billie said. Stacie put the newspaper
down and surveyed her with careful interest.
"She did?" Billie nodded.
"Yeah. I, uh, just finished telling her that I loved her and she told me
because she didn't want me to think that she didn't care about me, but she
wouldn't be able to say it back."
"And you're okay with that?" Stacie said. This was a big thing that Beca had
done. How Billie handled this was going to have a big impact on Beca and their
relationship.
"Yeah," Billie said. "It was a hell of a story. And I told her I wasn't going
to force her into saying it back to me. I'm not going to put pressure on her
after hearing that, it'd just be cruel. Plus, I don't doubt that her feelings
for me are genuine. I hardly think she just opens up to anyone about these
sorts of things."
"You're right," Stacie said. "Beca's kind of good at being a celebrity in that
she's very friendly to everyone. But when it comes to actual, solid and real
friendships, she keeps it very close to her chest. There's probably still less
than ten people on the planet she considers to be true friends of hers."
"I've noticed," Billie said. "I don't mind that. Because I do love her."
"And how do you feel knowing that Aubrey is one of the lawyers representing BPM
now?" Stacie asked.
"That was a little bizarre to hear," Billie said. "But she says that she told
Aubrey it was a business only deal. I don't have to be worried about that, do
I?" Stacie shook her head.
"No," she said. "Because Aubrey and I have an understanding. One that dictates
she keep the hell away from Beca outside of a business setting, or I set fire
to everything she holds sacred."
"Damn," Billie laughed. "You're scary."
"Yeah, well I was the one trying to peel Beca out of bed for days," Stacie
said. "She's got no business with Beca except for legal business. I won't watch
her get slaughtered like that again."
"She was in it pretty deep with Aubrey?"
"She was in it real deep with her," Stacie said. "I thought she'd never
recover. Which is why I'm so glad that she's putting herself out there with
you. You're good for her."
"She's good for me too," Billie said. "When the Echo guys floated her as
someone to work on the movie soundtrack, I was just excited about the prospect
of meeting her and working with her. But it felt instant, the connection, you
know?" She heard footsteps and saw James approaching. He was wearing jeans and
a polo shirt.
"Hey Bill," he said. "Come home for the super stressful last minute packing?"
"Yep," she said.
"Shower's free," he said to Stacie, after kissing her on the cheek. "I left
towels and stuff in the bathroom for you."
"Thanks," she said. "Have fun in Houston, Billie."
"I'll try. It's going to be stinking hot," she sighed. Stacie disappeared and
James took her seat at the counter.
"You two seem to be doing pretty well," she said to James.
"Stacie?" he said. "Yeah. I really dig her. I mean, it's early days, but she's
very comfortable. She's straight to the point, gorgeous, really relaxed."
"She's keeping you happy?" Billie asked.
"She is," James said.
"Good," Billie replied. "Now, don't let me procrastinate any more, I really
need to pack."
"Go," he said. "Stacie and I are headed out for breakfast. If you want us to
bring anything back for you, just let me know." She swallowed the last of her
coffee and put the mug in the dishwasher before heading to her room to pack.
Beca was spending the day in her home studio. It wasn't that she felt like she
had neglected her music lately, it was just that she had quite a few ideas she
wanted to start fleshing out. She was lined up to work with Katy Perry the next
week, and she felt like some of the ideas would work well for her. It didn't
take her long to settle into a groove. She kept churning out hook after hook
and jotting notes furiously. She completely lost track of time until she felt
something hit her in the back of the head. She turned around with a glare, and
saw it was only Stacie. She had tossed a balled up napkin at her.
"How long have you been there?" Beca asked, pulling her headphones off and
setting them down.
"Only a couple of minutes," Stacie said. She held up the cardboard tray bearing
two cups of coffee with one hand and a sack of donuts in the other. "Figured
you'd forget to eat anything."
"What time is it?" Beca asked.
"Four thirty," Stacie said. "How long have you been sitting here?"
"Since ten fifteen," Beca said. "So let me just save all this shit, then I'm
gonna pee, and then I'm going to come back and eat half of those donuts."
"Deal, I'll wait," Stacie said, taking a seat in the other chair. She was
pretty much the only person who came into Beca's home studio on a regular
basis. Billie had seen it and hung out in it a few times, Jenna had seen it,
but Stacie was the only one who Beca allowed routinely into the space. It was
her safe zone. She'd even seen Beca sleep curled up asleep in the corner of the
studio on a beanbag when things got stressful. She put the coffee down, careful
to avoid putting it anywhere it might conceivably spill onto the equipment and
pulled out a donut.
Beca reappeared and plopped back down into her seat, picking a donut from the
bag and taking a huge bite. When she managed to swallow it, she sighed. "Good
donut."
"Looks like while Billie's out of town, it's up to me to make sure you eat
regularly again," Stacie said.
"Yep," Beca said with a grin. She was already polishing off the first donut.
"Billie flies out tomorrow?"
"Yeah," Beca said. "She leaves at like four-forty or some ungodly hour. I
offered to drive her but she said she'd only reserve four o'clock airport duty
for someone she hated, and she'd already booked a service." Stacie finished off
her donut and grabbed another.
"Billie said you told her about Aubrey," Stacie mentioned. Beca swallowed her
mouthful.
"Yep," she said. She didn't elaborate.
"Big move, Beca," Stacie prompted.
"I know," she said. She could feel Stacie's eyes burning a hole in the side of
her face so she sighed and continued. "It's fine, Stace. It wasn't like she's
been hounding me about it or whatever. She was curious about the tattoo."
"She told me she said she loved you."
"Yeah," Beca said. "That kind of did it for me, you know? She said she loves
me, and I believe her. And this thing that we have is real, even if I can't say
it back. But I didn't want her to think I wasn't serious about us, so I
explained to her why nobody gets that word except you."
"She seems pretty okay with it," Stacie said. "And she specifically said that
she doesn't doubt that your feelings for her are genuine." Beca let out a sigh.
"Good," she said. "I mean, she said that all to me, but it's good to hear that
she's saying it to you, too. I don't want her to doubt us. Me."
"She doesn't," Stacie said. "She looked pretty bummed out about having to leave
you to go to Houston."
"I'm gonna miss her," she said. "I know it's only two weeks, but still."
"You guys are going to the Echo premiere together though, right?" Stacie said.
She knew the premiere was in four weeks. James had gotten an invitation and had
already asked Stacie to go with him.
"Sure are," Beca said. "That reminds me, Billie said she's going to stop by the
shop when she gets back and pick up something to wear. She wants to check out
the fine style of Conrad Wade."
"You're joking," Stacie said. "Oh my god."
"Of course I'm not joking," Beca said. "And she can wear whatever, I'm wearing
a black suit."
"A suit, B?" Stacie said dryly.
"Hey man, it's a tailored black pantsuit," Beca said. "And I'm not wearing a
shirt underneath."
"What?!" Stacie said. "Since when did you wear suits with no shirts?"
"Billie came with me," Beca said. "She said taking the shirt off turned it from
boring into edgy. I have a photo on my phone." She picked up her cell and
showed the photo to Stacie.
"Oh, that's hot," Stacie said. "Billie has great taste. Black heels?"
"Naturally," she said.
"I'll put her in something that'll make every lesbian in the country want to
date both of you simultaneously," she promised. "She's got a good skin tone for
metallics and neutrals."
"She's got a good skin tone for everything," Beca said. Stacie just rolled her
eyes.
"I'm hungry," she said.
"Stace, we just ate half a dozen donuts," Beca said.
"And? Are you saying that if we went out for food you wouldn't eat?" Stacie
said.
"I'm not saying that at all," Beca said. "Give us a few, I wanna take a quick
shower."
"I'll be on the deck," Stacie said. She headed out to wait for Beca. The
smaller woman didn't take long, reappearing in faded jeans and a Dodgers muscle
tank. The shirt looked a bit long on her, and Stacie didn't recognize it.
"Since when did you follow baseball?" she asked.
"Billie does," Beca said. "And this shirt is hella comfortable, I stole it like
two weeks ago."
"That's nauseatingly adorable," Stacie said with a slight shove.
"Oh fuck off Stace," Beca groaned. "You're such an asshole."
"Yeah, but I'm your favorite asshole," she pointed out. Beca nodded and they
headed out to grab something to eat. As they were waiting on their steaks and
beer, Beca fielded a quick call from Billie, who was about to head to bed so
she could be up in time for her flight.
"Just wanted to say I'm gonna miss you," Billie said.
"I'll miss you too," Beca said. "I'm wearing your Dodgers shirt again. Will you
text me when you get into Houston?"
"Of course," Billie said. "Promise. Even if I wake you up?"
"You can wake me any time," Beca said.
"I normally like Houston, but I don't really like the idea of not having you
around," Billie sighed. "That's pretty gross. I've become that girl."
"Yeah. Absolutely foul," Beca agreed. "But I'll be waiting for you when you get
back, despite your grossness. Now get some sleep and I'll talk to you
tomorrow."
"Okay," Billie said. Beca hung up.
"You two make me sick," Stacie said with a smile. "Nah, it's cute." Their
drinks arrived, and talk turned to Beca's work. They kept it up through most of
the meal before Stacie brought up something she'd been curious about.
"Hey Beca?" she asked.
"Yeah," Beca asked. She put her fork down.
"Did you get the invite to Chloe's birthday?" she asked.
"I did," she said slowly. "Not sure about that one." Stacie understood. She'd
received the invitation 'Stacie plus one' the previous week, and immediately
wondered if the redhead had sent one to Beca.
"You think it'll be awkward?" Stacie asked.
"I don't see how it wouldn't be awkward," Beca said. "I love that Chloe invited
me, don't get me wrong, but Aubrey will be there, and showing up with Billie
would be weird, wouldn't it? Because Chloe and Aubrey are best friends, I
shouldn't do something that's going to actively piss Aubrey off."
"She hasn't spoken to you about anything not related to BPM?" Stacie asked.
"Nope," Beca said. "But she brought contracts over a while ago and I'm pretty
sure she was checking me out as I was signing them."
"Seriously?" Stacie asked.
"Yeah," Beca said. "I'm not one of those girls who thinks everyone stares at
them, Stace, but I know when someone is checking me out, especially from four
feet away inside my own office when there's nobody else in the room."
"Did you say something to her?"
"No," Beca said. "I don't want to indulge in anything like that again. I used
to love that she looked at me like that, now I'm pretending it's not happening
because a - it didn't work out so well for me and b - I have someone who looks
at me like that who isn't going to fuck me over. Billie is the real deal,
Stace. I'm not concerned about what Aubrey feels now, but I'm not going to go
out of my to antagonize her by bringing my new girlfriend to her best friend's
party."
"But B, you shouldn't have to live your life so concerned about Aubrey," Stacie
said. "I get that you're trying to be the bigger person, but Chloe did invite
you. And I'm sure when she added 'plus one' to your invite, she knew who that
one was going to be. If Aubrey has a problem with that, it should be Aubrey's
problem, not yours."
"I think maybe I'll talk it over with Billie first," Beca said. "Because more
than anything I don't want her to be uncomfortable being in a room with someone
I have that kind of history with, especially now that she knows just how messy
that history is."
"Yeah, that might be a good idea," Stacie said. She knew Beca didn't know that
Aubrey had read the note in her flowers, that she herself had sat Aubrey down
and lectured her about her interactions with Beca. She probably didn't even
know that Chloe and Stacie had talked about Beca and Aubrey at all.
"You taking James?" Beca asked.
"Maybe," she said. "He has a job in Canada that might run a little long. He's
down for it, but it depends on the shoot."
"How's it going with you guys?" Beca enquired.
"It's going really well," Stacie said. "He's very sweet. You know he talks to
his mom almost every day?"
"Seriously?" Beca laughed.
"Yeah," Stacie said. "I think it's adorable. And he likes to go out and
whatever, but he also really likes just grilling barefoot on the deck and
relaxing."
"You guys make a seriously good looking couple, you know that right?" Beca
said. "Had much press trouble?"
"Not really," Stacie said. "I'm worried about that to be honest."
"What are you worried about?"
"I'm not an idiot Beca, I saw the kinds of things people said about you and
Billie when you got together," Stacie said. "Half the people in the world think
that you guys are adorable. The other half was viciously attacking one or both
of you for daring to be in a relationship with someone at all."
"Yeah, but that shit doesn't matter," Beca said.
"Yeah, but I'm not as tough as you," Stacie said. "I wouldn't be able to ignore
it if someone started slagging me off all over the internet because James
decided to date me." Beca conceded that. Stacie was confident as hell most of
the time, but she could take things really personally. Given that she was
already sensitive about relationships, it made sense that she would be worried
about how other people saw her relationship once it became public.
"I know I can't make it any better for you, Stace," Beca said. "But you're the
most amazing person I know. You're genuine and loyal and hilarious and
gorgeous, you're my best friend and more than anybody else on the planet, you
deserve to be happy. And James has chosen you, because he sees the same things
that I see. That's all you have to remember. Some fuckwit on a keyboard doesn't
get to judge you, because they don't know you. Not like I do, not like he
does."
"Why, Beca Mitchell, are you turning soft?"
"I'm serious Stacie."
"I know," she said. "And I appreciate it Beca. I do. You've had my back for as
long as I can remember and I'll be coming to you when it all gets too much for
me, which I'm sure it will." A raven haired figure in a leather jacket
approached their table. It took Beca a moment to realize who it was.
"Beca," the woman said. "It's been too long."
"Chelsea Bright," she said. She'd met the British born actress almost three
years ago at an awards after-party. Chelsea was pretty laid back so far as
celebrities went, and she'd spent some time out of the spotlight after having a
child to a partner she refused to name. The father wasn't a celebrity, and
wasn't interested in his role as parent, and she handled it with grace,
choosing to raise her daughter alone. She gestured to the space beside Stacie.
"It certainly has. You remember Stacie?"
"Yeah," the woman said, taking a seat. "Good to see you both. What brings you
to the seedy south east?"
"Steak," Beca said. "You guys have the best steakhouse in California right
here."
"I'll drink to that," she said. "Round?" They agreed and Chelsea motioned to
the waiter for more drinks.
"So what have you been up to? Where's Evie?" Beca asked. Chelsea's little girl
was an adorable miniature version of her mother, dark hair and stormy grey
eyes.
"Evie is having a sleepover at her grandma's," Chelsea said. "My mother just
got back from London last week and she missed Evie so she's taken her for the
night."
"That explains why you're out and about," Stacie said. "She'd be what, almost
two?"
"She'll be two next month," Chelsea said as their drinks were delivered. "I'm
not ready for it. Where's Billie tonight?"
"She's flying out to Houston at the crack of dawn," Beca said. "She'll be gone
for a couple of weeks."
"You guys have been all anyone can talk about lately, it seems," Chelsea said.
"How are you handling it?"
"Same way I always have, Chels," Beca said. "Ignoring it."
"I didn't figure you guys would make so solid a couple. How did you two even
meet?" Chelsea asked. "I can't figure it out."
"She did Echo for Magnolia, they pulled me in to help out with the soundtrack,"
she said. "We did the whole thing as a collaboration. Movie comes out in a
month. Have you got anything booked?"
"Got three episodes booked for The Mindy Project next week," she said. "I'm
only doing stuff that isn't going to take me too far from Evie."
"Man, that's good," Stacie said.
"What about you, Stacie, how's the line?"
"Stace sold a couple of dresses to Zoe Saldana just recently," Beca
interjected.
"Fucking hell!" Chelsea said. "Nice work. I have to say, I still wear that blue
shift you picked out for me to death. It's just so comfortable."
"Swing by sometime, we'll get you into something else," Stacie said.
"Oh, I'll do that," Chelsea said. "Look I hate to be the bitch who drinks and
bolts but I have to run, I'm afraid."
"No, go for it," Beca said. "It was good to see you."
"You too," Chelsea said. "Hopefully it won't be so long next time." The woman
got up and left with a wave. Stacie watched her go.
"She looks good," she said offhandedly.
"Yeah," Beca said. "One of the few famous people I can actually stand."
"She was into you, you know that, right?" Stacie asked.
"What?" Beca asked. "Don't be ridiculous."
"Yeah. When we first met her, I swear she was all about getting in on the Beca
Mitchell experience," Stacie said. "And now she shows up asking questions about
Billie. Bit weird."
"Stacie, we aren't even super close. We met, she's chill, we had drinks maybe
three times," Beca said. "It wasn't like that. Plus, she's totally got a kid to
worry about, she's not worried about me."
"Maybe it wasn't like that for you," Stacie said. "I don't know, B, I just got
a feeling. It's probably nothing."
"We done here?" Beca asked. Stacie drained the last of her beer and nodded.
"You going back to yours or do you want to stay at mine?"
"I should go home, I have a little work I need to collate for tomorrow," Stacie
sighed. Beca pulled out her phone and called for two taxis and they made their
way outside to wait.
"Thanks for pulling me out for dinner," she said to Stacie.
"I'll be doing that on the regular til Billie gets back," Stacie said.
"Someone's gotta take care of your ass." She slung an arm across Beca's
shoulders. Two taxis filed up and Beca hailed them.
"You always do," Beca said. "Talk to you later?"
"Yeah," Stacie said, approaching the first taxi. "Have fun with Katy Perry this
week."
"I will, she's a fucking blast," Beca said. "Love you, nerd."
"Love you, too, dork." She got into the second taxi and gave the driver
directions back to her place. When she got home, she kicked her shoes off and
tugged her jeans down, unhooking her bra and pulling it out of her sleeve,
choosing not to change and just stay in Billie's shirt. She crawled into bed
and was out of it in minutes.
***** Chapter 10 *****
Beca was looking impatiently between her watch and the arrivals board. Billie's
flight was late. She'd had enough waiting now, she was ready to see the blonde
in the flesh, right this second. They'd talked and Skyped constantly, but it
just wasn't the same. She sighed and let her head fall to the back of the seat.
It was another eleven torturous minutes before she got to see Billie, and when
she did the blonde looked like heaven. She was more tanned - like how was that
possible? - and her sunglasses were jammed into her hair. She looked a little
cranky at being delayed, but the scowl looked perfect with her messed up hair,
torn black jeans and t-shirt. She spotted Beca and had to stop herself running
full force across the arrivals lounge and tackling her. Beca was less
restrained and she actually did run the last half dozen steps to the blonde.
"Ugh," Beca said. "I missed you, West. I'm a complete sap, I'll admit it."
"Yeah, I missed you too," Billie said. "It sucked not being with you." Beca
didn't even give a second thought to any potential paparazzi who might be
lurking around, she just planted a deep kiss on her girlfriend. Billie's hands
hit her back and cradled it, the two of them holding the embrace for a little
longer than was probably appropriate for such a venue. When Beca pulled back,
she took Billie's hand.
"You wanna go home?" she asked the blonde.
"As long as by home you mean your place so we can spend the next few hours in
bed having sex and napping," Billie said. "Possibly with a pizza or something
later, I'm not fussy."
"Pretty much," Beca said. She grabbed the handle of the single suitcase Billie
had managed to get away with for the entire trip, still clutching the blonde's
hand in her own, and they headed for the car.
The drive was fairly quiet. Billie had asked how recording with Katy had gone
in the two days it had been since they'd last spoken for longer than a few
moments. Recording with Katy was always a breeze. She was fun, she knew what
she was after and she didn't take herself too seriously. They'd finish up the
album in another week, tops.
About ten minutes out from Beca's place, she became very aware of the fact that
Billie's hand had moved from its original location. When they'd begun their
drive, her hand was rather innocently placed on Beca's thigh, about a third of
the way up from her knee. But now it was almost in the junction of her thigh
and her crotch and the fingers were moving slowly and deliberately in very
light strokes.
"Dammit woman I will crash this car," Beca muttered at her, gripping the wheel
tightly.
"I missed you," Billie said in an altogether different tone than the one she
had used before. "I don't think we've been without sex for two weeks since we
started dating."
"Ten minutes, babe, and I promise we'll get there alive if you can control that
hand," Beca said. Billie just let it cross over and rest directly on Beca's
crotch, exerting a little pressure. "Fuck me."
"I intend to," Billie said. "All that talking on the phone and not being able
to touch you was like torture."
"So your plan?" she said.
"You said ten minutes," Billie said. "I'm starting whether we're home or not.
You've got ten minutes until this car trip turns into a misdemeanor." Beca
smiled and accelerated a little.
It ended up taking seven minutes and forty eight seconds before they pulled the
Camaro into the garage. Beca instinctively went to get her bag from the trunk,
and Billie just laughed at her and shoved her up onto the car and immediately
fused their lips together in a searing kiss.
Beca forgot all about the luggage. She wasn't capable of remembering anything
except how much she loved kissing Billie, touching her, being with her. Billie
was trailing hot kisses down her neck, hands already making short work of the
button and zip of her jeans. Beca's own hands were up the back of her shirt,
clawing at her back as she tried to shove the fabric up further.
She succeeded in getting the shirt off of her, but that just spurred Billie on.
She tugged Beca off of the car and stripped her in between staggered footsteps
to the downstairs guest room. When she finally had the jeans down to her
ankles, Beca had to assist by kicking off her shoes and removing the pants, and
Billie was undressing with great speed. She was completely naked by the time
Beca managed to get her tangled jeans-and-shoes combination off, so she pulled
Beca toward her and let a finger glide softly over the hem of her underwear as
she kissed her again.
"You're so fucking sexy," Billie breathed. Then she pushed her down onto the
bed and swiftly removed the underwear before she straddled her.
It was four hours before they managed to make it out of bed. Four hours, and
both girls were now aching and sore, but completely satisfied. Billie had
dragged the first round out for as long either of them could stand, and after
that it had just been back and forth, until Beca swore her body could not
physically take another round. Billie had mumbled something that sounded like
an agreement, and Beca suggested a hot bath and then some food. They dragged
their exhausted bodies toward the bathroom and Beca ran a hot bath. Billie
pulled Beca into her arms.
"Hey I wanted to talk to you about something," Beca said.
"What is it?"
"I got an invite to an old friend's birthday," Beca said. "With a plus one. And
normally I'd just RSVP hell yeah, but I know for a fact that my ex is going to
be there. So I wanted to ask you first if you'd be okay with us going because I
don't want you to be uncomfortable."
"Your ex, Aubrey?" Billie asked.
"Yeah."
"Is she the kind of girl who would cause a scene?" she asked.
"No," Beca said. "We've seen each other and she's not brought up any of our
history. Plus Stacie will also be there and she'll murder her if she starts
anything. And apparently if James' shoot runs on time he'll be there as well."
"Which friend is this?"
"Chloe," Beca said. "We were in college together. She's a pediatrician, she's
rad."
"I'm in," Billie said. "Stacie and James are going to be there, you'll be there
and as long as Aubrey isn't one of those girls who'll start something, there's
no reason not to go."
"Thanks," Beca said. "I was talking with Stacie about it and she was adamant
that I need to stop worrying about hurting Aubrey."
"I'd agree with her," Billie said. "She didn't worry about hurting you
deliberately, and it's not your fault if she gets upset about you being happy."
Beca swiveled her neck so she could kiss the blonde.
"And I'm definitely that," Beca said. They enjoyed their hot bath for a while
longer, then ordered in Chinese food and ate it in front of the television
before they got back into bed.
Beca called Chloe the next day to RSVP for the party, and the redhead promised
that Aubrey wasn't going to make a scene. She couldn't tell Beca any of what
Aubrey had told her - it wasn't her place and it wasn't her story to tell. But
she kind of wished Beca did know, and hoped Aubrey might tell her one day. Not
that she wanted them to get back together, but that she wanted her to
understand.
Beca spent the week in studio with Katy Perry, finishing off the album, and
Billie dropped by late in the afternoons to say hello. She and Katy had met
before a few times, and they were friendly. When the album was all done, Beca
decided she'd take Billie out to Stacie's shop and see if she could pick
something out for the Echo premiere which was only a couple of weeks away.
Stacie was glad Billie wanted to wear a Conrad Wade dress. They'd picked up in
business since Zoe Saldana had worn their dress to a gala night, but having
more and more celebrity names attached to the brand was only going to help.
Beca sat on the plush couch and drank coffee, watching as Lilah and Stacie
measured Billie up. They talked colors and fabrics, and Lilah pulled out a
sketchpad so they could draw up a copy of what they envisioned. Apparently the
success of this dress was dependent on Beca wearing silver jewelry. She didn't
understand how that worked, but Stacie was adamant that if they wanted to look
like a hot couple and kill the fashion game, she'd need to wear the silver so
they co-ordinated.
Lilah gave her the name of some places she should pick up rings at, and even
had pretty clear ideas about what they should look like. Billie promised they'd
go as soon as they were done with the dress. It wasn't too much longer, Stacie
had measured her twice, they'd decided on a fabric and a color, and Lilah had
the whole thing sketched out. Beca was smiling at how well Billie was getting
along with Stacie, the two girls chattering endlessly about fabric and shoes
and how each shoe affected the leg and how that in turn affected the hang of
the dress. Beca was lost when all of that started.
She kissed Stacie on the cheek before they left, setting up a lunch date for
the next day. Then Billie dragged her to the jewelry stores Lilah had
recommended, and they picked out a few pieces that would apparently complement
Billie's wardrobe choices and her own black suit. They were aware that their
photo was snapped more than once, and they were even stopped by a trio of
college aged kids and obligingly took a photo with them. But for the most part,
they wandered around hand in hand, happy to be out and about in the sun and
most importantly, together.
Beca dropped Billie off at her place in the early evening, and went home to
work in her studio. She didn't exactly have anything on the books for the next
week, but she was about to hit a fairly busy stretch and wanted to work on some
ideas while she had the free time. She had a couple of clients booked in for
later in the month, but it was also coming around to the Echo premiere, the
launch party for Katy's album and she was about to talk to some people about a
few DJ gigs in New York for a fundraising event. But the next event on her
schedule was Chloe's birthday party.
It wasn't like she hadn't kept in contact with the redhead since she'd come out
to LA. They emailed every now and then, and after Chloe and Tom had moved to
Pasadena, they saw each other occasionally. And Chloe had been very supportive
when everything went down six years ago, though she had heard from Stacie that
she was on friendly terms with Aubrey again. Which she was allowed to do,
obviously.
When the party rolled around, Beca showed up with Billie. Arm slung tightly
around her waist, broad smile plastered on her face as she greeted Chloe. She'd
gotten Chloe a pair of backstage passes to an upcoming Paramore show - she'd
worked on their last album with them and Hayley was more than happy to hand
over tickets.
When she'd picked Billie up, she seriously considered throwing the party out
altogether. The blonde had decided on a tight tank with a vest buttoned over it
and leather pants. Beca was close to drooling, and had kept the other girl
pinned to the closed front door for a few moments as she kissed her. But, as
Billie reminded her, Stacie and James would be expecting them, so she
reluctantly led her to the car so they could drive to the restaurant.
The redhead had booked out the back room of a well-known restaurant, and there
were plenty of people milling around. Chloe greeted them enthusiastically,
introduced Tom to Billie and they chatted for a while. Stacie spotted them from
where she was sitting and waved them over to herself and James. Beca sat down
between Stacie and Billie, hand resting comfortably on her girlfriend's thigh.
Stacie leaned over to whisper in her ear.
"She's here," Stacie said. "She's sitting and talking with Chloe's family at
the moment. She nodded when she saw me, but has avoided me since." Beca just
nodded. She wasn't there to worry about Aubrey. But she did make a note to
swing past and say hello to the Beales.
They enjoyed themselves. Chloe was a pro at mingling and making sure she spent
time with all of her guests. Tom was also charming, he always had been, and the
other guests didn't react to having celebrities at the party. There was one of
Chloe's colleagues who apologized profusely as she asked Beca for an autograph
for her son, explaining that he had autism but liked music, particularly Beca's
music. Beca couldn't say no to that, and she even gave the woman her card,
offering to give him a tour of the studio sometime.
The time rolled around for cake and Chloe said a few words, thanking all of her
friends and families for making the trip, and for lamenting that she was
getting so old. Beca was laughing at the redhead's melodramatics when her eyes
caught the blonde standing just nearby. And at that exact moment, Aubrey looked
up. She gave an awkward nod and a smile, which Beca returned, but then directed
her attention to the woman whispering in her ear. Beca squeezed Billie's hand,
and the actress leaned across and kissed her. It wasn't anything salacious,
barely more than a glorified peck, but Beca saw the way Aubrey's body tensed,
and the way the smile gave way to a flickering expression of pain.
But the candles were lit, and Beca and Billie were volunteered to start off the
singing, being the professionally paid singers in the room. After a long and
drawn out rendition of Happy Birthday, Chloe blew her candles out to a round of
applause. Beca excused herself to go the restroom, leaving Billie with Stacie
and James. When she got to the restroom she heard a sniffle, but didn't say
anything. She used the facilities and could still hear the sniffling, and she
realized that she recognized the sound. She'd heard Aubrey cry enough times
that she knew what it sounded like. She was torn. She didn't want the blonde to
be upset, but she also didn't want to get involved with anything to do with her
personal life again. After a few seconds of internal debate, she tapped softly
on the closed stall.
"Are you okay, Aubrey?" she asked quietly.
"I'll be fine," came the unconvincing response.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes," she said. Beca shrugged and returned to their table. Billie was off
getting drinks at the bar with James, and Stacie could automatically see that
something was up from the expression on her face.
"What's up?" she said.
"It's nothing," Beca said. "Aubrey's crying in the bathroom."
"How do you know it's Aubrey?"
"I know what Aubrey crying sounds like," Beca said. "I asked if she was okay
and she said she will be but I don't know... Should I tell Chloe?"
"I'll go," Stacie said. "Don't bother her, she needs to be enjoying her party."
She got up and headed for the restroom.
"Aubrey?" she said hesitantly.
"Leave me alone, Stacie," Aubrey said. "I'm not causing a scene, I'm just
sitting her crying to myself."
"I'm not here to bust your chops," Stacie said. "Beca was worried about you."
"I'll be fine, okay?" she said. "I just need a few minutes and then I'll slip
out when nobody is looking."
"Is it about Beca?" Stacie asked. The door to the stall unlocked and Aubrey
came out. Apart from slightly red-rimmed eyes she still looked perfectly
composed.
"I'd rather not get into it, if you don't mind," she said.
"Okay," Stacie said, raising her hands. "I'll leave you to it." She left the
room and headed back out, hearing Aubrey behind her. As Stacie approached the
table she'd been sitting at with James and the girls, she spotted Beca and
Billie in a fairly intimate liplock. She glanced behind her, unsure if Aubrey
had seen it. It was clear that she had, she looked like she was about to throw
up.
"Stacie," she said, "Can you just tell Chlo that I had to leave? I can't do
this, and I don't want to ruin the night, so it's better if I just go. She'll
understand."
"Okay," she said, and the blonde disappeared. She detoured to whisper the
message into Chloe's ear. The redhead was visibly concerned, but Stacie assured
her that she said she didn't want to disrupt anything. Then she headed back to
the table.
"Settle a discussion for us," Billie said. She was currently digging her fork
into a slice of cake. "Cake or pie? I say cake, James says pie."
"Donuts," Stacie said. Beca laughed and high fived her.
"I knew you'd say that," she said. "I said the same."
"Yes, and I told you that they were not an option," Billie teased.
"Okay then," Stacie said. "Pie." James immediately began teasing Billie. Stacie
looked over at Beca.
"We are dating a pair of weirdos," she said seriously. "I mean, since when were
donuts not an option?"
"This is why we're best friends," Beca said. She shot Stacie a look that asked
if everything was okay, and Stacie responded by shaking her head fractionally.
But they didn't speak about it until all four of them were ready to leave. They
were tracking down Chloe so they could say goodbye. James and Billie quickly
thanked her for inviting them and they went to get the car. Stacie and Beca
hugged her and they took a few moments to chat before they headed out.
"I didn't see Aubrey again," Beca said casually.
"Nope, she bailed. She saw you and Billie making out as we came out of the
bathroom," Stacie said. "She said she couldn't handle it and made me tell
Chloe." Beca just nodded as they walked toward the car silently for a few
moments.
"That's exactly the sort of thing I was hoping to avoid," Beca said.
"Yeah, I know," Stacie said. "But it's okay. Nobody saw her leave. She
specifically didn't want to cause a scene."
"Yeah, still," she shrugged.
"You okay?" Stacie asked.
"I guess," Beca asked. "Screw it, let's go home."
"Well, you can go home," Stacie said. "I'm going to James'."
"Yeah, Billie's coming to mine," she said. "Breakfast double date?"
"Ew, god no," Stacie said. "Brunch." Beca laughed and walked around to the back
of the car to slide into the back next to Billie.
"What's so funny?" Billie asked.
"Beca thinks I'm going to be up early enough for a breakfast date with you
guys," Stacie said. Billie leaned over to whisper into Beca's ear.
"I think it's funny," she said. "Considering that I'm planning on keeping you
up for quite a few more hours yet." Beca just raised an eyebrow and settled
into her spot pressed up against her girlfriend's side.
***** Chapter 11 *****
Billie looked over at Beca. The brunette was looking out the window of the
limo. They were on their way to the Echo premiere with James and Stacie, which
was the first time they were attending a Hollywood function as a couple - both
couples. Billie and Beca had talked about it beforehand, and figured that
cameras were definitely going to be in their faces, so it would be better to
head them off and talk to the press together. James and Stacie were going to
try and play it more low-key since she still wasn't accustomed to all the
press.
The premiere had turned into a bigger deal than Magnolia had first intended.
But their test audiences had polled incredibly well, and the two preview
screenings held for critics had meant that the film was really starting to
gather momentum. The write-ups were unanimously positive, and so were the few
reviews of Beca and Billie's soundtrack.
Beca had decided not to record any of the lead vocals for the soundtrack. She
wasn't an idiot, she knew she had a great voice. But Billie's lighter, airier
tones better matched the overall feel they wanted to achieve. People were
writing articles saying that Beca had unlocked a new dimension to Billie's
artistry, and were now eagerly anticipating her next album. That was something
they hadn't actually talked about - whether Beca would even produce her next
album. Her last two records had been independent productions, but speculation
was rife that given Billie was now dating Beca, who was arguably the most in
demand producer in the country right now, she'd sign a multi record deal with
BPM. That was a problem for a different day.
Billie's eyes lingered on Beca in her suit, enjoying the suggestive cut of the
fabric made all the more enjoyable by the absence of a shirt. She knew that
there was a mile of tape holding that suit in place, but she also knew that
come post-party, she'd be the one taking that jacket off of Beca. At least she
would be, if their earlier encounter was any indicator.
Beca and Stacie had been picked up by the car service first and then they
continued on to pick up Billie and James. Beca had come to meet her, and was
absolutely blown away by how she looked. She had made a mental note to thank
Stacie for taking good care of Billie, because she looked incredible. The
silver dress was gorgeous, fit perfectly obviously, and made the most of
showing off Billie's back, dipping relatively low. The smoky makeup and tousled
hair just set the entire ensemble up on a higher level, and Beca had pretty
much growled in need at the sight of her. Billie laughed and swatted her ass,
but succumbed to a steamy kiss before breaking it off, saying they shouldn't
ruin their makeup.
The limo was pulling up, and Beca reached over to squeeze her hand. Billie
smiled at her and nodded. She was ready. There was a small crowd of people
waiting - nothing too crazy - and the inevitable line of press who were going
to want to ask questions and take photos.
"At least this isn't my movie," James said. "I hate the line of death. Stace
and I are going to wait until they're all climbing over themselves to get to
you guys and then sneak in."
"You alright, Stace?" Beca said.
"Yeah, I think so," she said quietly. "Bit nervous."
"That's normal," Billie said. "Just hide behind James, and if anyone hassles
you for a comment-"
"I say something generic but positive like how happy I am to be here to support
a movie that two of my friends have worked on," Stacie said. "Beca gave me the
lowdown." Beca took a deep breath.
"Alright then. Here we go," she said. She waited for the door to be opened and
then stepped out first, before helping Billie out. The press and fans went
crazy straight away, and they took a moment to wave to some of the waiting
people, moving over to sign a few autographs and take a few selfies with them.
Then they headed toward the press photographers. They all yelled and screamed,
as usual, to turn this way or that way, stand closer, or stand further apart,
or show us a different angle. They ignored it and posed for long enough not to
be considered dicks before moving on. The first reporter who got a hold of them
was, thankfully, someone Billie knew fairly well and got along with from one of
those online entertainment websites that she could never remember the name of.
"Billie West and Beca Mitchell," she said. "Both looking lovely tonight,
ladies. Who are you wearing, Billie?"
"It's Conrad Wade," Billie said. "Amazing designs by a friend of mine, she's
about to blow up, you just wait." Beca was about bursting with pride, because
Billie was one of those celebrities who would name-drop something and then it'd
be a hot new craze in three days. Stacie was going to freak.
"And you guys met while working on the soundtrack to this film, correct?"
"Yeah," Beca said. "We met just to shoot a few ideas around for the movie and
kind of just clicked. It's been pretty hard keeping us apart since." Safe and
simple.
"Tell us about the movie," the woman said to Billie. Beca drifted off while
Billie was talking and caught sight of James and Stacie leaving the press
photography bay and avoiding the wall of reporters all together. A few
attempted to approach them, but he simply kept walking with a polite remark
that he was just here to enjoy the movie and support his friends. He kept
Stacie close by him, and she looked like she wasn't overwhelmed at all.
"And what about the soundtrack, Beca?" Beca shook herself out of her stupor and
replied.
"Well, Billie had a much better understanding of the film than I did, but we
agreed that it had to have a lot of space, a lot of room," she said. "It's
called Echo for a reason, and we wanted the soundtrack to mirror that. It was a
challenge to get what we wanted acoustically out of a studio, but we got there
in the end."
"Thanks for the chat, ladies," the woman said. "Enjoy your evening." They
thanked her and moved along the procession, answering pretty much the same set
of questions from each person, phrased differently.
Surprisingly, it was the first time Beca had seen the movie the entire way
through in a single sitting, complete with soundtrack. It was actually pretty
good, and coming from someone who hated movies that was high praise. Billie was
uncomfortable though, squirming in her seat with great regularity. Beca leaned
over.
"What's wrong babe?" she asked.
"I fucking hate watching myself act on big screens," Billie confessed. "It just
makes me cringe."
"Seriously?" Beca said with a chuckle. Billie nodded.
"I hate it so fucking much," she said. "But I can't skip the premiere."
"So concentrate on something else," Beca said. "Like… I don't know. How awesome
the soundtrack actually fits with the movie. We kicked ass."
"Yeah, we did," Billie agreed. She let her fingers intertwine with Beca's. "We
make a great team."
Somehow the blonde survived the rest of the film, and the two of them, along
with their best friends, headed to the after party. It was a massive party, and
Beca was surprised an indie film ended up with such a big following so soon.
They spent the first hour or so of the party doing the normal thing, mingling
with the guests, making sure they spent time with the producers of Echo,
pausing for the customary photos. It was during this time that Beca spotted
something that surprised her.
Aubrey was there. She didn't look entire happy to be in attendance, but here
she was nonetheless. Beca recognized the man she was with as counsel for BPM as
well, and figured it must have been a corporate invite. But she hadn't
anticipated on her being there.
She looked good, Beca could admit. Simple dress, classic cut. Nothing remotely
as daring as herself or Billie, but then again, she was there to represent a
law firm. Then she realized she had no business judging what Aubrey wore or how
she looked. She decided the best way to deal with it was to properly introduce
Billie to Aubrey. Draw the line. Or something. As soon as they were done with
the formalities, she headed toward Sayid and Aubrey. The man departed before
they reached her, and the blonde looked quite startled at their sudden
appearance.
"Billie, you haven't officially met Aubrey Posen, she works for our legal
team," Beca said. "Aubrey, this is Billie West, my girlfriend and collaborator.
" Aubrey shook her hand politely as Billie engaged her in surface level
chatter. A bunch of other people suddenly crowded them. Beca noticed that as
soon as there was an appropriate amount of people to cover the gap she left the
group quickly. Beca looked after her as she went, noting she headed straight
for a pair of doors that would lead her outside.
Billie saw Beca watch her go. The furrow in her brow, the twitch downward of
her lips and most importantly, the look in her eyes. It unsettled her for some
reason she couldn't think of. But she shook it off and decided to try and be
the bigger person.
"Go and see if she's okay," she said to the brunette. "I don't mind."
"No, we'll just end up screaming at each other," Beca sighed.
"Beca, go. I'm not saying go and be her best friend, just go and see if she
needs anything, like maybe call Chloe for her," Billie said.
"Okay fine," Beca said. "I'll only be a moment." She headed outside. Aubrey was
standing in a dim corner wringing her hands together and looking out into the
dark.
"Hey," Beca said. "You okay?" Aubrey turned around, surprised.
"It's probably better if I don't answer that," Aubrey said. "I just... need a
moment."
"Do you want me to call Chloe?" Beca asked. "I know you guys are tight again."
"No," she said with the faintest hint of a smile. "I'll be okay."
"You're not going to leave, are you?"
"No," Aubrey said softly. "My therapist thinks it's better if I stick these
situations out. She said it would be healthy for me to be here."
"You're in therapy? Why?"
"Again, probably better if I don't answer that," Aubrey said. "You don't need
to check up on me, go back inside and enjoy the party with your girlfriend."
"She was the one who suggested I come and see if you were alright," Beca said.
Aubrey's eyes roamed back out to the dark again.
"Of course she did," she said, mostly to herself. Then she turned to face Beca.
"She seems lovely, Beca, really. And you're happy, any idiot can see it. You
don't need to worry about me."
"You sure?" Beca asked. Aubrey hung her head.
"Beca... I know you meant well coming out here, but it just makes it..." She
shook her head. "Harder. Please. I'll come back in, I just need a minute." Beca
looked at her apprehensively. Maybe it wasn't a good idea being so blatant in
introducing Billie to Aubrey. She went back inside.
"She okay?" Billie asked, pushing a glass of champagne into Beca's hand.
"I don't actually know," Beca said. "I asked her if she needed anything and all
she could manage was that she wanted me to leave her alone. Apparently she was
fine but me offering help would make it harder. She also said you were lovely
and that we were clearly happy."
"Are you sure she's over you?" Billie asked. "I hate to point out the obvious."
"It doesn't sound like it," Beca said slowly. "But she knows there's no chance
in hell and I'm not interested in anything with her that isn't work related."
"I know," Billie said. "And I believe you. But does she really think that?"
"I honestly can't speak to what she knows," Beca said. "Maybe I should talk to
Chloe."
"Chloe the redhead?"
"Yeah, they're tight," Beca said. "She'd know. And if Aubrey needs me to not be
a thing that she encounters, Chloe would tell me."
"Beca, you're a good person," Billie said. "Talk to Chloe. Because I know you
don't want to be involved with Aubrey, but I know you don't actually want to
hurt her. And if that means giving her space and doing something about legal
representation, then I know you'd do it."
"Yeah, I'll call her tomorrow," Beca said. "But we still have much of the night
ahead of us, Miss West."
"We do, don't we?" Billie asked. "Let's go check on Stacie and James." Beca
took her hand and led the way. Stacie was handling the night really well. A few
people had asked about the mystery woman on James Atkinsons' arm, but the actor
had been quite adept at palming the questions off. Beca was proud of her. She
knew that Stacie actually liked James quite a lot, and that the official line
was that the two of them were dating. And she was equally as impressed with
James, who knew that throwing her into the limelight with very little exposure
to it before would be terrifying, so he kept it casual and never left her side.
Billie and Beca parted ways with their friends after the party began to break
up. They were headed back to Beca's, with the other pair heading to James and
Billie's place. Beca was exhausted, but Billie looked incredible in that dress,
and the blonde was heavily interested in divesting Beca of her suit ensemble.
It was a lightly tipsy, fumbling affair, breathless laughter at their sheer
almost-clumsiness. But as Beca wrapped her arms around a close-to-sleep Billie,
she murmured that she wouldn't change a thing about the night.
She called Chloe the next morning and asked if they could meet up to talk. The
redhead was amenable, but she was curious as to what the meetup was about.
"I just have a couple of questions," Beca said. "I've run into Aubrey a couple
of times and, without being an asshole, I am worried about her." Chloe named a
coffee shop and said she had time in a few days. Beca said she'd be there.
Chloe was already halfway through her first cup when Beca arrived, so Beca
ordered her a refill with her own. They spent a few minutes just chatting
generally - Chloe had seen Echo and loved it. Beca had heard quite a few rumors
now that there was a number of people saying she and Billie were going to be
heavy contenders in the Oscar fight for Best Original Score and Best Original
Song.
"So," Chloe said. "You're worried about Aubrey?" She was nervous. This was the
first time she had spoken to Beca about Aubrey since she'd found out about her
best friend's horrifying past. She didn't want to give anything away, or even
hint that there was something to give away.
"Yeah," Beca said. "I'm not like, stalking her or anything, I swear. But I ran
into her at your party and again at the Echo party and she just doesn't seem
like she's coping, dude. She looks exhausted any time I'm in the same room as
her."
"She just needs a little space," Chloe said.
"That's my point," Beca said. "I'm happy to give her space man, but how much
space? Because clearly now that she's repping BPM, I'm going to see her more.
Do I need to request a new lawyer?"
"Is that really what this is about, Beca, your lawyers?" Chloe asked. Beca's
hands dropped into her lap.
"Okay," she said. "Fair call. I've told Aubrey that I don't have any interest
in getting involved in something with her. But that doesn't fucking mean I want
her to hurt. I'm not that kind of girl. And if there's something I need to do
to help her deal with whatever it is she's dealing with, I want to know."
"And what does Billie think about the whole situation?" Chloe asked.
"She's worried too," Beca said. "Come on, Chlo. You gotta help me out. I don't
want to be something that's fucking her up."
"It's not you, specifically," Chloe said. "She will be okay, but she's dealing
with a few things. Big things. And maybe seeing you jars her a little because
for a while there - even so long ago - you'd be the one she goes to." Beca
surveyed Chloe for a few minutes.
"She let slip that she's in therapy," she eventually said. "Any idea what
that's about?"
"Please don't ask me that," Chloe said. "I'm not going to tell you. Especially
if she won't tell you herself."
"Dammit, Chloe, it's not like I enjoy the idea of her being upset," Beca said.
"But we're running into each other more and more."
"I know," Chloe said. "But Aubrey's therapy is nobody's business unless she
decides it is."
"You do know though, don't you?" Beca asked. Chloe's entire demeanor changed.
"Yeah, Beca, I do," she admitted. "But please, don't ask me again."
"I wont," Beca said. "Just… I'm assuming you're helping her, though? Being
there for her?"
"Yeah," Chloe said. "She doesn't tell me everything she talks about in therapy.
And she is trying to deal with the fact that she's going to be interacting with
you more and more but there's so much more at play. It's not just your typical
running-into-the-ex drama."
"Yeah, she wasn't the drama queen, really, was she?" Beca relented. "Okay, I'm
not going to hassle you about her. But seriously, Chlo, if there's something I
need to do here to make this easier on her, just tell me."
"You really care about whether she's happy?" Chloe asked. "Sorry, that makes
you sound like an asshole."
"No, it's fair," Beca said. "I thought I'd be angry at her still, but I'm not.
And I do want her to be happy, but I know that I'm going to have precisely
nothing to do with that." Chloe nodded.
"Okay," Chloe said. "I'll talk to her. But I think it might just be one of
those things you have to wait out until she deals with her stuff."
"I can do that," Beca said. "Are you going to tell her that we talked?"
"I don't think I'll go into specifics, but I'll tell her that you want to make
it easier for her if there's something you can do."
"I'd appreciate that, Chlo," Beca said. "Because yeah, even Billie picked up
that she was a bit out of it."
"How is Billie?" Chloe asked. "Still pimping out the movie?"
"Yeah, she's pretty much doing the whole press junket thing for the next week,"
Beca said.
"What about you? What are you working on?" she asked.
"Ellie Goulding," Beca said. "Monday. But Billie also wants to talk about doing
her next album, which is tricky. We're going to have to sit down and talk about
it properly. Especially if it's a multi-album deal, because then we'd have to
talk to her indie guys and buy out anything she's got left over there."
"But you guys have recorded together before," Chloe said. "It wasn't that bad,
was it?"
"No, it was actually very easy," Beca said. "But it's different when it's your
own record. Plus there are already a million people hounding her about the
album, saying teaming up with me is a genius move. There's pressure on both of
us now."
"I don't know how you guys do it," Chloe said, shaking her head. "There's so
many people watching you. How's Stacie doing?"
"She's been pretty lucky with James," Beca said. "He doesn't have anything
super high profile on at the moment and when we went out to Echo, he just kept
saying it over and over that he wasn't there to talk about himself, he was
supporting Billie and I."
"They make a really good looking couple," Chloe said.
"That's because Stace is a mad hottie," Beca said. "Anyone would look awesome
on her arm. But seriously, they're pretty good together. He's pretty chill, way
more of a homebody kind of guy than you'd figure."
They chatted for a while longer, before Chloe declared she had to leave, citing
a shift at the hospital that night. Beca left and headed to the office to pick
up some of the notes she'd written on her upcoming work with Ellie, then headed
home.
She called Billie while she waited for the food she ordered. The blonde had
flown out the day after the Echo premiere, off to New York, and then hitting a
few more state capitals on her way back as part of the press tour. She had a
relatively boring day, by all accounts, but did tell a story involving her
asking a reporter about his sex life after he asked about hers first.
Her phone had beeped a few times as she was talking to Billie, and once she'd
hung up she saw that Stacie had texted. She'd had the busiest few days at the
shop she could remember, thanks largely to Billie's name drop at the premiere,
and she needed her best friend to chill her out. Beca called her and told her
there was food on the way and her preferred beer in the fridge. The taller girl
told her she'd be there in twenty minutes, causing Beca to smile. It wasn't
until Stacie was snoring in the guest room that Beca realized she hadn't even
told Billie she'd met up with Chloe.
***** Chapter 12 *****
By the time Billie finished the press tour for Echo, Beca was winding up the
album she was producing for Ellie Goulding. She didn't actually have another
client on roster for a little while, so she asked Billie if she wanted to start
thinking about her next album.
It suited both of them to do it sooner rather than later. Billie was always
scribbling in a notebook, lyrics and ideas, and Beca had the time. But the
conversation had to consider more formal aspects like legal contracts and fees.
Because yes, they were dating, but it would just be bad for business to produce
Billie's album for free. For both of them.
Both girls decided that it would be more appropriate for Billie to negotiate
the contract terms with Jenna instead of Beca. They were completely aware that,
even despite their best intentions, their personal relationship would make it
difficult. So Billie booked herself in to see Jenna and draw up terms.
Beca went to see her business partner because she absolutely wanted to do
Billie's album, but she didn't want her normal fee to be a barrier. She hadn't
actually disclosed to Billie what she pulled in for a full album coproduction
and engineer. When Jenna met with Billie, the blonde was adamant that she
didn't want any special favors just because she was Beca's girlfriend. She
reiterated that this was a business transaction, and their personal life was
not relevant. So Jenna bit the bullet and told her what Beca's fee was. Billie
simply nodded and said it was fair. Later, in the confines of Beca's bedroom,
she admitted she didn't know her fee was quite that high, but that she was
happy to pay it and, by the way, how awesome are you, being able to charge that
much?
They easily fell back into their old rules - inside the studio it was business
only. They allowed themselves a reprieve during lunch, normally ducking out to
eat at nearby restaurants, and then swung back into business mode for the
afternoon. Beca was enjoying working with her girlfriend - she found her
exactly the same as she had been during the Echo soundtrack. She was articulate
and determined and had a clear sense of what she was looking to achieve. It was
hard for Beca to not just stare at her through the booth as she sang.
Over the four week period they managed to lay down eighteen quality songs that
Billie wanted to pare down to just twelve. Billie sat in on the mastering and
took a lot of notes, trying to figure out which tracks she would sacrifice. It
took ten days to line up the twelve album tracks, and the two of them
celebrated their (hopefully) successful album collaboration with a quick trip
to Vegas.
Beca wasn't much for gambling, and neither was Billie. But there was a
cavalcade of clubs playing the hottest music and Beca wasn't working, so they
devoted a lot of energy to the dance-floor. Over the four days, they spent the
night hours losing themselves to the music, before heading back to their hotel
room at ridiculous hours of the early morning. They normally fell asleep as the
sun was rising, sleeping late into the morning before waking to do it again.
They also ignored the few cameras that appeared by their sides as they went
about their mini-vacation. During their last morning in Vegas, Billie brought
something up with Beca.
"So I never told you about the liner notes on the CD," Billie said. "For the
few people who still buy them."
"What about them?" Beca asked.
"Well, I don't want you to think that I snubbed you," Billie said. "I figured
we've been really clear about the separation of our work and this." She
gestured to their entwined naked bodies.
"So I obviously thanked you, but I didn't go on some super flowery rant or
anything," Billie said. "It didn't feel appropriate."
"I'm okay with that," Beca said. She lifted her head a little to kiss the
underside of Billie's jaw.
"I mean, I might have called you a creative genius," Billie said, fingers
trailing along Beca's spine. "But that's just a statement of fact." Beca
shifted and moved down her neck, leaving a trail of hot kisses in her wake.
"Babe, all the genius on that album was you," Beca said. Billie tugged Beca's
arm so the smaller girl was settled on her body and smiled.
"What time's our flight out?"
"In about four hours," Beca said. "Plenty of time."
They napped on the short plane ride home and the two of them went back to their
respective houses. When the driver they had hired had dropped Billie off, she
could see Stacie's car wasn't there, but James's was. When she got home Beca
ditched her bag directly inside her bedroom door and flopped down on her bed,
dialing Stacie immediately. She knew her best friend had been exceedingly busy
at the shop lately, and wanted to touch base to make sure she wasn't going
completely crazy.
"Hey Stace, how's business?" Beca asked.
"Off the fucking chain," Stacie said. "We literally cannot keep up with demand
right now. We owe Billie so much. We're going to have to hire some help. But
the bookings we've taken, Christ, Beca."
"That good?"
"Portia De Rossi, Anne Hathaway, and Lena Fucking Heady," Stacie said. "They've
all been fitted here in the past three days. And I've got about fifteen reps
asking when we can book their client in here to talk and see what happens."
"I've told you how proud I am of you, right?" Beca said. "You and Lilah work
your asses off and you guys are so fucking amazing at what you do."
"Yeah," Stacie said. "I'm actually really proud of this. I mean, I'll be
pulling long nights for like at least a month."
"Well, I can always swing by with donuts late, we both know I don't sleep
much," Beca said. "But seriously, you're going to hire?"
"Well, it's not like we don't know people in this industry," Stacie said.
"Lilah's going to call a friend of hers to see if we can't poach a pattern
cutter or a couple of fitters or something, you know, trainees to start and
then if they fit the mold we can actually have legit Conrad & Wade employees."
"That sounds insane," Beca said.
"I know," Stacie laughed. "But it's pretty much the dream, right? How was
Vegas?"
"Vegas is Vegas," Beca said. "We drank a lot, danced until our feet hurt, slept
all day."
"Sounds about right," Stacie said. "I gotta go, I have about twenty minutes
until our next appointment and I need to eat and pee."
"Give me a call later if you like," Beca said. "Billie's gone home."
"Thanks," she said. "It's gonna be a late one though. Bring me dinner later?"
"Anything for you," Beca said. "Burger?"
"God yeah," Stacie said. "Love you nerd."
"Love you too, dork," Beca replied. She let her cell drop to the bed, but
picked it up again almost instantly.
"Hello?" came Billie's voice.
"Hey," Beca said. "I miss you." The blonde laughed richly through the phone.
"We just spent four whole days alone together," she said.
"Yeah, but still," Beca said with a sigh. "Is that ridiculous or what?"
"Yes," Billie said teasingly. "But I miss you, too."
"I was just talking to Stace and she said they've gotten so busy they're going
to have to hire help just to keep up," Beca said. "She said they owe you huge."
"More than happy to do it," Billie said. "That dress was gorgeous."
"Yeah it was," Beca said, remembering that night and how incredible she looked.
"I'll be going back to get more," Billie said. "If they can make time for me,
that is."
"Of course she will," Beca said. "You got their name out there, pretty sure
Conrad Wade is always going to make time for Billie West. Anyway, I just wanted
to hear your voice again. I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
"Definitely," Billie said. "I love you, Bec."
"Yeah," Beca said. "You too." It was the closest Beca ever got to telling
Billie that she loved her. It was always a 'you too', but never the actual
words themselves. Billie still wasn't pressuring Beca for any kind of
declaration, which she appreciated. But Beca had been thinking about it, a lot.
She dropped her cell on the bed and lay staring at the ceiling for a few
moments, before she decided to get up and take a shower to wash the puzzlingly
dirty feel of travel off of her.
Later that night she stopped off at Conrad Wade with a sack of Dirty Burger for
herself and Stacie. She knew Lilah wouldn't be there. Stacie was adamant that
even though they were extremely busy, Lilah should be home with Angus at a
respectable time. She even encouraged Lilah to bring Angus with her to work if
she wanted, but Blake worked from home so it was easier for him to take care of
the baby. She occasionally brought him in for half days, and Blake stopped by
to visit often. Stacie liked having Angus around.
Stacie was still working, measuring and cutting patterns. But when she saw the
food, she switched to paperwork so she could multitask and not ruin the
fabrics. They ate as Stacie switched between chatter and work, Beca knowing
when she needed to shut the fuck up and let her best friend work in silence.
She showed Beca the mockups of the dresses they'd be making over the next few
weeks, and Beca was impressed. She always was. She knew very little about
fashion and that Stacie could be so on point with it was a mystery to her.
She'd left Stacie late in the evening with a kiss on the cheek and a reminder
to actually get home at some point. Stacie had laughed and said she should take
her own advice occasionally, which Beca conceded was a fair point. She headed
home and climbed into bed, ready to head back to work the next day.
It didn't take long for the media to start buzzing about Billie's new album.
There were a lot of people waiting to see how it held up - some were hoping it
would be a dismal failure but most were anticipating a great album. Billie had
planned a launch party for the day it was going to release on iTunes - nothing
super extravagant, just an invite only club kind of deal. Beca offered to DJ
the party for her, but Billie turned her down, saying she'd rather they call
someone else so they could enjoy the party together.
The night of the party, Beca and Stacie showed up at the club with James.
Billie had been there earlier, holding a few quick interviews with the limited
press that had scored invites to the function. The album had been added to
iTunes, Pandora and Spotify that day, simultaneously, and people were already
calling it an inarguable success. They were calling the album an inspired step
away from folk pop toward indie, and praising the nuanced production. Beca had
declined the invitation to talk to the press about the album. She didn't do it
for the other artists she worked with, and she didn't see the need to change
that routine simply because she and Billie were sleeping together. She limited
her responses to "Yes, I'm really proud of what we accomplished" and "Billie
did a great job with this album" and instead asked the bartender for bourbon
straight. They spent the night dancing, drinking, and chatting with their
friends, all the while holding hands and kissing in corners and being able to
be a proper couple without the fear of paparazzi.
The album sales only continued to increase from there. It hit number one just
two weeks after release, and was already front runner for the next Grammys.
Billie had lined up a couple of smaller shows to coincide with the press she'd
lined up for the album, and that meant she'd be out of town for a while. Beca
had pouted, but she was really proud of Billie and after a few days at home
together, the blonde had to set off for a limited mini-tour. There had been a
lot of discussion about whether or not Billie would do a full-scale live tour,
but she didn't see herself as an artist of that magnitude. Beca urged her to
think about it, because if it was a matter of not being able to correctly
replicate the sound they'd worked to achieve, she had a list of people she
could call and it'd be a reality.
Beca's schedule packed out. She'd been looking a little bit light on, but after
Billie's album had been so successful, people were calling non-stop to work
with her and see if her magic couldn't be applied them as well. She spent days
talking schedules and trying to match up dates (trying to figure in a few
random days where she might get to see Billie once she returned), working on
ideas for a slew of artists, and then spent nights trying to lighten Stacie up.
Conrad Wade was just getting busier and busier. Stacie and Lilah had hired two
interns who were recommended by a friend who taught at the Fashion Institute of
Design and Merchandising. They'd unofficially claimed one each, and were still
only just managing to keep up with the initial demand. It was everything they'd
dreamed of, really, so Stacie was grabbing the opportunity with both hands. She
was happy to inform Beca that every single person who'd had a custom piece made
immediately returned to request another for a later date. Lilah added that at
the rate they were going they would have to hire on yet another staff member.
It did mean that Stacie was still putting in long hours at the shop. She and
James still spent a lot of time together when their schedules allowed and the
relationship seemed to be going well. But Beca still dropped by in the evening
toting dinner or donuts and coffee, to keep her grounded.
Billie's return to LA coincided with James's departure. He was due to start
filming a movie in the north of Canada the next week, and would be gone for up
to four months. Stacie had promised to take some time off and come and visit a
couple of times, even just for a few days, since Beca had quite blatantly
pointed out that Stacie hadn't actually taken a holiday in a substantial period
of time.
But since James was due to leave, and Billie had just returned, they decided to
head out for dinner. It was a double date, something they tended to do fairly
regularly when all four of them were available at the same time.
Dinner was a fun affair. It had done them all a world of good, especially
Stacie. She looked incredibly happy to be out of the shop for a change. They
ate like ravenous carnivores and wrapped it up early by their standards,
meaning they were slipping out of the restaurant around ten pm, James and
Stacie going one way and Beca and Billie going the other.
The two women walked up the street laughing as they made their way toward where
they had left the car. Beca was so caught up talking to Billie, eyes on her
girlfriend's face, that she didn't see the people exiting the hotel down the
street, or the body in her path until she collided with it, reaching out to
brace both herself and the person she'd run into. It was a blonde in a fairly
nice cocktail dress, one that was spared being torn to shreds on the pavement
as Beca's fingers closed around the mystery woman's wrist and stopped her fall.
"Sorry!" Beca said. "Oh god, I didn't see you, are you okay?" The woman turned
around with an open mouth. It was Aubrey. She was accompanied by some slightly
older men and women - work colleagues Beca guessed. It was the first time she'd
seen Aubrey since she'd spoken to Chloe. She stood still for a moment, waiting
for Aubrey's response, waiting for the blonde to raise her head and look her in
the eye.
"Yes, I'm fine," the other woman said softly. Her eyes disagreed, flicking
upward but not even close to reaching Beca's.
"You sure?" Beca asked in an equally quiet tone. Billie suddenly got the
distinct feeling that she wasn't talking about their accidental collision.
Aubrey finally glanced up for a microsecond then looked down again immediately.
She quickly ran her fingertips under her eyes and nodded before hurrying away
without so much as another word. Billie chanced a look at her girlfriend.
Though she tried to mask it, the brunette's face was as downcast as the
blonde's had been, if not worse.
Billie watched as Beca caught herself and seemingly shook the moment off. They
continued on their way, and Beca was still enjoying herself, but Billie felt
like she'd switched off. She was smiling, but her eyes were still dull from the
encounter. She pushed the thought out of her mind as she and Beca made their
way home, climbing into bed and all over each other in a pretty satisfying way
to end the night. But as Beca quickly fell asleep, Billie was plagued with
thoughts of how the two former friends had looked at each other. Or more
correctly, the way Aubrey still couldn't look Beca in the face and the way Beca
looked after as she ran. It weighed on her mind late into the night.
It even weighed on her mind the next day as she returned home and she could
only come up with terrible ideas to address the feeling. One would be ask Beca.
But Beca would likely clam up and then try to distance herself, which she
didn't want because she loved being with the brunette. And she felt like if she
did that she'd be questioning Beca's feelings for her, which was absolutely the
worst idea. Another idea would be to track Aubrey down and ask her. Equally
bad. The blonde didn't seem to have a handle on anything Beca-related and it
didn't take a genius to see that Aubrey wouldn't cope if Billie confronted her.
She also thought about asking Stacie. But Stacie and Beca had no secrets, so
asking Stacie would bring the same result as asking Beca.
She only had one other plan. It felt a little weird to be considering, but it'd
give her a better understanding of the two women involved. And how many Dr
Chloe Beales could be living in Los Angeles, anyway? She did a quick Google
search and found the phone number where she could contact the redhead, and
stared at the digits for a good long while before she dialed.
"Dr Beale," a perky voice said.
"Hi," Billie said. "I don't know if you remember me, my name is Billie. We've
met a few times, I'm Beca's girlfriend."
"Yes, I remember you," Chloe said slowly. "Can I help you with something?"
"This sounds bizarre, but I was hoping we could talk," Billie said. "I have
some - questions, I guess. About Beca and Aubrey."
"I don't think I'm going to be any use to you in talking about that," Chloe
said. "Bree's my best friend and I'm not about to go and tell all her secrets
to someone I barely know."
"That's not what I want," Billie assured her. "I have made some observations of
the two of them when they interact, and it's a little unsettling. But I don't
know enough about either of their histories in the context I need to understand
whether this is something I need to be concerned about. I considered asking
Stacie-"
"If you're going to ask Stacie, you may as well ask Beca," Chloe said.
"I know," Billie said. "Which is why I need this favor from you. Because I feel
like you might be a lot more diplomatic than Stacie anyway. She's very…
passionate when it comes to Beca's defense."
"That's a fact," Chloe said. "I can meet with you. But it's not going to be a
free for all, and if I say I'm not going to answer something, you don't get to
push me on it."
"That's one hundred percent fair," Billie said. "It's just that you knew them
then and you know them now."
"I'm assuming nobody knows you're calling me," Chloe said.
"I got your number from Google," Billie admitted. "When suits you?"
"Monday morning?" Chloe said. "I'm working the next couple of days. Pick a
place and text me."
"That's fine," Billie said. "I appreciate this."
"You might want to hold off on that appreciation until after we've talked,"
Chloe said. "Beca and Aubrey… it's pretty fucking complex."
"I've been told," Billie sighed. "I'll text you." She hung up and dropped her
phone on the kitchen counter. The feeling in the pit of her stomach had
lessened, but hadn't disappeared completely. Hopefully talking to Chloe would
resolve it.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Billie waited in the booth of an out of the way coffee shop while she waited
for Chloe. She'd picked this place for two reasons - one being that paparazzi
never seemed to find her here and two being that none of their friends would
see them here either. The redhead was a little late, but eventually showed up,
toting a big bag and looking a little worn out.
"You okay?" Billie asked. "If you wanted to reschedule, that would have been
fine."
"Nah, it's best to do it now," Chloe said. "I mean, yeah, I'm a little late
because work was crazy but I've got to edit this journal article and compile
some data so now suits me better."
"Okay," Billie said. "Coffee?"
"Please," Chloe sighed, she began digging through her bag.
"No, on me," Billie said.
"Black, thanks," she said. "One sugar." Billie got up and ordered their drinks,
adding a grilled ham and cheese sandwich for Chloe, who looked exhausted and
starving, and sat back down.
"So what is it you want to know?" Chloe asked. "There's a lot of history
there."
"I'm aware of that," Billie said. "Can you tell me how they met? How this all
started?" Chloe nodded and saw their drinks being delivered. The waiter also
came back with the sandwich, which Billie slid across to Chloe.
"You look starving," Billie said. Chloe picked it up with a grateful look.
"I am, thanks," she said. "Nothing like an accidental fifteen hour shift to
knock you around." She took a few bites and washed it down with some coffee.
Billie was happy to wait.
"So, we all met in college," Chloe said. "Bree and I were the leaders of the
Barden Bellas, an acapella group. We recruited Beca in our senior year, her
freshman year, and after a kind of rocky start, the two of them became friends.
But they got closer once I left."
"You left?" Billie asked.
"Yeah, I went to med school," Chloe said. "Bree was doing her postgrad in Law,
and Beca was still in school anyway. They got close, a lot closer than I'd ever
been with Becs. And I stayed in touch a little, came back when I had time. It
wasn't rocket science. Stacie saw them together the most and it was absolutely
evident that they were into each other."
"Beca's never denied that she had feelings for Aubrey," Billie said. "And she's
talked a bit about her history and why admitting that at all was such a huge
deal. I'm assuming that Aubrey honestly did feel the same way."
"She loved Beca," Chloe said simply. "But she's dealing with other things,
other things that are much bigger and much more personal than I'm going to
share."
"I understand, and that's fine," Billie said. "But it was intense?"
"Everything with them is intense," Chloe said matter-of-factly. "Individually,
they're both very private, reluctant kinds of people. But together, it was just
amped up a level, you know? We all knew it was there, even when they weren't
saying it. The way they were together was nothing like the way they've been
with anybody else. Except for my friendship with Bree and Beca's friendship
with Stacie, they were only invested in each other."
"So my issue is this," Billie said. "We've run into Aubrey now a few times. She
seems nice enough, I've not talked to her a great deal. But I get the distinct
impression that she is very much still influenced by Beca in terms of her
emotional and mental stability, and god, it just doesn't seem normal. What's
wrong there?"
"Please don't ask me to explain Aubrey's history to you," Chloe said. "I
absolutely will not do that."
"Fair enough. Ok, I don't doubt that Beca's feelings for me are genuine,"
Billie said. "We've talked a little bit about Aubrey - I've only heard her side
of the story so I'm not making any judgments here. Beca's told me about her
stuff. And I know there's only one person in her life she actually uses the
word love with, and that's Stacie. I don't resent it. She's told me that I'm
important to her, that I make her happy, that she cares about me, all of that.
But man, she has never looked at me the way she seems to be looking at Aubrey."
"What do you mean?" Chloe asked.
"She gets this look like everything in the world has disappeared except
Aubrey," Billie said. "It worries me a bit. Don't get me wrong, Beca doesn't
want Aubrey to be upset, and I don't either. But the way they look at each
other makes me wonder if two people who love like that, who were in love like
people keep saying they were, can ever be finished. We ran into her the other
night and Beca stared after her like she wanted to chase her down."
"I've known Aubrey an awfully long time," Chloe said softly. "And she's never
come close to loving another single creature on this earth the way she loved
Beca, Billie. Not even herself. But she won't cause trouble for you two. She's
not vindictive or mean like that. She knows that Beca is happy with you and she
won't destroy that."
"And Beca?" Billie asked. There was a slight tone of desperation in her voice.
"Do you think Beca has actually moved on? Or that she even can?" Chloe's
fingers twitched nervously.
"I can't say I know what you want from me here," Chloe said. "Because I haven't
seen enough of you guys together to be able to tell you how I think your
relationship stands. All I know is, they were in it deep, Billie. And Bree did
something terrible, but she had reasons. She keeps telling me they don't excuse
anything, but I think they do. Only I can't tell anyone what I know because I
made a promise."
"She has an excuse that you think erases how she treated Beca?" Billie said
disbelievingly.
"Yes, I do," Chloe said honestly.
"If Beca knew this secret, would everything change?" Billie asked.
"Aubrey's not going to tell her," Chloe assured her.
"That's not what I asked," Billie said. "If Beca knew what you know, would
things be different between her and Aubrey?"
"I would say so," Chloe said. There was a moment of silence. "Are you going to
break up with Beca?"
"I don't want to break up with Beca," Billie said. "So my answer is I don't
know. Because I love her, Chloe. And I'm happy. But as much as she says she is,
I don't think she really is. And a lot of the time, I think it has to do with
Aubrey. I have this horrible feeling that as much as I'd love Beca to be The
One, she's not ever going to be able to tell me she loves me, because she can't
figure out that she's still in love with Aubrey."
"You think she's still in love with Aubrey?" Chloe asked. Billie was starting
to feel a little teary.
"I think she doesn't even know it, but yes," she whispered. "I think she
thought she was over her and was happy and living her life but Aubrey showed up
and I think that's hit her harder than she's willing to admit."
"I'm sorry," Chloe said. "Because you seem like a good person and like you love
Beca a lot."
"I do. But I can't blame her," Billie said. "Like I said, I don't even think
she knows. Tell me Chloe, what would you do? Keep going and hope that one day
the girl you love might be able to love you back, or break up with her and add
your name to the list of people who claimed to love her and crushed her
instead?" She grabbed a napkin and discreetly dabbed at the corner of her eyes.
Chloe reached out and covered her hand with her own.
"It's a shitty situation," Chloe said. "And you know I can't answer that
question for you, Billie. But I'll ask you this - what about you? Because in
situation one, you're left hanging waiting for someone to tell you that they
love you even though you don't think they're ever going to be able to say it.
And in situation two, you hurt, for a while. But you'll also have the chance to
find happiness again."
"You're saying I should break up with her?" Billie asked.
"I'm saying that you're very noble to be so concerned about Aubrey and Beca,"
she said, "But that it isn't selfish to consider yourself in all of this.
Aubrey doesn't want Beca to be upset. Beca doesn't want Aubrey to be upset. But
who's looking out for you?"
"I think they're so far ingrained in one another that they can't tell how much
of themselves actually belongs to the other," Billie sighed. Chloe let go of
her hand.
"That's… very eloquently put," Chloe said. "So think of yourself, Billie,
because somebody has to. And at the end of the day, you're the one who's going
to have to pull the trigger on this. You're the one who sees what they don't
see." Billie nodded.
"God I wish day-drinking was socially acceptable," she muttered. "Thanks,
Chloe. For coming, and for being honest. I appreciate it."
"I don't mind," Chloe said. "Are you going to tell Beca we talked?"
"I will," Billie said. "But I'm not going to lay it out like you told me to
break up with her."
"You are going to break up with her," Chloe said.
"It makes me sick to even think about it, but I think I have to," Billie said.
"It sucks because I love that girl, but I think in the interest of everyone
getting a happy ever after, I need to. I'm not going to make it a big deal, get
press involved, anything like that. Because I'd still like to be a part of her
life, in some way. She's incredibly loyal and insanely talented. I owe her a
lot, and I also respect her far too much to be an asshole about it."
"When?"
"I don't know."
"I won't say anything to anyone," Chloe promised. "It's not my business."
"I'm going to get going," Billie said. "Thanks again for meeting me here."
"No problem," Chloe said. "But I don't feel like you should be thanking me."
Billie got to her feet and left with a wave, sliding her sunglasses on and
immediately hailing a taxi to get her home. She managed to get inside the
house, stripped off and into a shower before she started to cry at the prospect
of crushing Beca and losing something that had made her unequivocally happy
over the recent months. She let the tears fall for as long as she needed to,
the water turning ice cold at some point. Then she got out and dried off and
went back into the bedroom. Her phone was showing a text from Beca.
Dinner tonight? She sighed.
I'm on my way over. No time like the present, she figured. Best to do it now
and not risk backing out. That wasn't fair to either of them. She got dressed
and picked up James's keys - he never did mind when she borrowed the car - and
left for Beca's house.
The brunette was in the home studio when she got there. But seeing Billie, Beca
left the studio and they headed for the living room. Billie sat awkwardly on
the couch as Beca dropped down next to her.
"How was your day?" Beca asked.
"Exhausting," Billie said. "Beca, we need to talk." Beca straightened herself,
noticing that Billie's tone was serious.
"About what?" she asked.
"About you and me. And Aubrey," she said delicately.
"There's no Aubrey," Beca said.
"There is," Billie said. "I don't think you even see it, but there is. Beca,
you're not over her."
"What?" Beca laughed disbelievingly. "I'm not in love with Aubrey, Billie,
where the hell is this even coming from? It's been six fucking years."
"It's not… easy to explain. Whenever we run into her, Beca, it's god damned
tangible between you two. She's still in love with you. And as much as you deny
it, you still have very strong feelings about her," she said. "I'm not saying
you love her, because I don't know that for a fact. All I know is, you can't
say you love me, and whatever there is between you two is seriously
unfinished."
"Are you breaking up with me right now?" Beca asked. "Is this happening? I
thought we had a good thing, here, Billie. You said you loved me."
"I do love you," the blonde said, breaking into tears. "Christ Beca, I love
you. But you look at her like nothing else matters. You like at her like… Out
at dinner the other night when she ran off. You looked at her like you wanted
to chase her down and take her home. You look at her the way I look at you."
"This is bullshit," Beca said, still in shock. "I can't believe this is
happening. I thought we were happy."
"I'm not discounting everything we had," Billie said. "Because we were great
together. But I can't keep this up, pretending I'm okay with you being so hung
up on her that you might never tell me that you love me. And I can't keep
dating you knowing that I think she's going to be the one that makes you
happy."
"Aubrey made me happy for a total eight hours and then I woke up a shattered
mess," Beca said. "I'm not in love with her." But she was sounding less sure of
herself every time she said it.
"It's not changing the fact that you're not over her," Billie said. "This much
I know. If you were as unaffected by her as you claim, it wouldn't hurt so much
to say her name, and seeing her wouldn't send you into a silent funk for hours
at a time." Tears began to fall from Beca's eyes as the brunette finally
accepted what was happening and Billie leaned over to hug her.
"What are you doing?" Beca said. "Why are you being nice to me?"
"I don't think you meant it," Billie said. "I don't think you even know what
kind of hold you have on each other. And I'm not angry, Beca. I just think if
there's a shot both of us could be happy, we need to take it."
"How can you not be angry?" Beca asked. "I'm basically an asshole."
"You're not an asshole. You're not hurtful or malicious or unkind. You wouldn't
knowingly do something to hurt me," Billie said simply. "I know you really
well. And I respect you."
"So… this is really over?" Beca said. "Really?"
"I'm afraid so," Billie said. "But it was fucking great while it lasted." Beca
leaned back into the couch.
"How the fuck are we going to do this? We just released an album together,"
Beca said. "People are going to ask."
"I'm not going to hurt you or your career," Billie said, "And I know you'll be
the same. If people start asking, we'll just tell them that the relationship
ended amicably. I'm hoping that after some time passes we can work together
again. Let's be real, the best music I've ever made was because of you."
"You want to stay friends?" Beca said. "That's going to take some time, Billie.
I can't just flick a switch and start seeing you as a friend. I mean, Stacie
and James are still a thing so I guess I'll have to, but-"
"I know it's going to take time," she said. "But I've got that European trip
coming up anyway, so that will put some space between us." There was a pause.
"So that's it," Beca said.
"Yeah," Billie breathed.
"I'm sorry, Billie," Beca said. "For not being able to tell you how I felt. For
not knowing how I feel."
"Don't be sorry, Beca," Billie said, getting to her feet. "I don't doubt that
whatever you felt for me was genuine, and I don't regret it. Just be brave
enough to do something about it, is all. I know you've been hurt a lot. But
maybe she has too, I don't know. Maybe it's worth swallowing the history for a
happy future." She kissed Beca on the forehead and left her sitting on the
couch.
Beca had no idea how long she had been sitting in the one spot for. Everything
inside her hurt and her mind was racing. She didn't know what was going on.
Billie broke up with her, that was painfully clear, but all the stuff about
Aubrey just didn't make sense. She got up in a daze to stumble back into the
studio for her cell phone. She tapped out a message before she fell into the
beanbag in the corner.
Billie just broke up with me. The response was instantaneous.
I'm on my way.
When Stacie arrived she found Beca in the studio, still curled into a tight
ball on the beanbag. She'd been worried sick about what she might find when she
got there. She had no idea this was even coming, so far as she knew the two
girls were happy together. James hadn't said anything to cause her to suspect
otherwise, either. So she had been fully expecting Beca to be either sobbing
uncontrollably or wildly drunk.
She was neither. She was just staring off, like she still hadn't registered
what was happening. Stacie sat on the floor next to her.
"What happened?" she asked.
"She came over and said that it was pretty clear I wasn't over Aubrey," Beca
said. "That she loved me but I didn't love her but that it was okay because she
doesn't think I meant to hurt her or that I even know how much Aubrey still
means to me. That even if I say otherwise I'm still affected by her and it's
not fair to either of us if we stay together." Stacie reached out and pushed
some hair out of her face.
"You okay?"
"No," Beca said. "I was happy Stace. I had no idea she was even thinking this
sort of thing. I texted her and asked her to dinner and she broke up with me.
This fucking sucks, Stacie."
"I know, Bec, I know," Stacie said.
"Sorry I made you leave the shop, I know you're busy," Beca said.
"Come on, you know that I'd do anything for you," Stacie said.
"Awesome, can you make this stop hurting please?" Beca said. She started to
tear up, and Stacie climbed awkwardly onto the massive beanbag and wrapped her
arms around her best friend tightly.
"I love you, Beca, and you'll make it through this," she said.
"Promise?" Beca asked.
"Yeah, I promise," Stacie said. "Now what do you need? Ice cream? Donuts?
Bourbon?"
"Yes," Beca said. "All of that. I still can't believe that just happened. I
thought that we had a good thing going. I don't know why she'd do that…" Stacie
helped her up and bundled the smaller brunette into the car. It would be easier
to wrangle Beca plus picking up food if they went together, no way would she be
leaving her home alone right now.
Stacie was smart enough to know they'd also need actual food, so on the trip
back to her own apartment, they stopped for burgers on top of picking up the
ice cream, donuts and alcohol. By the time they got there Beca had moved from
dazed to pained, and went for the bourbon first, pouring a large amount into
the Coke she had gotten with her burger.
"Fuck," she said after taking a sip. "You know what, Stace? Fuck it. I'm done.
No more fucking around with this relationship shit. It's not done me even a
split second of good in my entire life, so I'm not going to bother."
"You don't mean that, Beca," Stacie said.
"I do," Beca said. "I loved Aubrey and she crushed me dude. And I really could
have loved Billie, too. But that's not likely now."
"You could have loved her?" Stacie said. "So you weren't in love with her?"
Beca took a long gulp of her drink.
"Stace."
"Simple question, Beca. Because I know Billie was in love with you, she told me
as much. Were you in love with her?" Beca sighed.
"No," she admitted. "But I don't think it had anything to do with her, it was
me being a fucked up mess. How could I not love Billie fucking West? What the
hell is my problem? She's gorgeous, smart, talented, great in bed, easy
conversation… but nope. I kept telling myself I'd get there one day, I'd love
her eventually."
"Guess she figured that out," Stacie said. Beca finished her drink and moved on
to the burger. "What about Aubrey?"
"What about Aubrey?" Beca asked.
"All the stuff she said about Aubrey," Stacie said. "Any of it true?"
"I don't fucking know," Beca said. "Regardless, I'm not going anywhere near
her, it's a fucking trainwreck waiting to happen." Stacie just nodded and
dropped the subject. They ate the burgers and the donuts, Beca switching to
drinking the bourbon direct from the bottle as Stacie switched to coffee since
she had to work the next day. They didn't quite make it to the ice-cream,
though. Stacie had found Beca on the balcony crying and clutching the bottle
tightly, so she'd wrapped her arms around the smaller girl and brought her
inside, stripped her down and tucked her into the spare room bed.
"You're a tough woman, B," Stacie said. "We can do this, me and you. We can do
anything together." Beca just nodded and closed her eyes.
"Love you, Stace," she whispered.
"Love you too," she said, leaning down and kissing Beca on the forehead. Then
she closed the door behind her as she left her in bed alone.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Beca woke up feeling horrible, as expected. Stacie had left for work earlier,
stopping into the guest room to deposit water and painkillers and check on her.
The smaller woman sat up, clutching her head. She saw the pills on the night-
stand and took a few before she managed to wake her brain up. There was a note
from Stacie next to the water bottle.
B - We can do this. Love you. Come visit me at work if you need. S.
She registered that, hangover aside, she felt better than last night. Sure,
there was still an ache inside her chest and what felt like an invisible weight
bearing down on her, but it wasn't so crushing or overwhelming as it had been.
Beca knew Billie might actually be right about one aspect of the Aubrey thing.
About her not being ready for something until she and Aubrey cleared a few
things up.
Because she had wanted to chase after Aubrey, wanted to make sure she was okay.
The blonde could barely be within ten feet of her without crying and there had
to be something wrong with her, because that just wasn't normal. But she was
also terrified because Aubrey was the last person she'd really opened herself
up to - until Billie - and it had ruined her. So she also didn't want to be
anywhere near the blonde. Which was stupid. She rubbed her face and realized
she could hear her phone ringing. Sorting through her pile of clothes on the
floor she fished it out of her pocket and answered.
"Hello?" Beca said.
"Just me," came Miles's voice. "I haven't seen you yet today and you have a
meeting in under two hours." Beca racked her brain for a moment.
"Oh yeah, I do," she said. "Who is it today?"
"Prelim with Karen O," Miles said. "Are you okay?"
"Uh, yeah," Beca said. "I'll be on time, Miles. See you soon." She hung up and
immediately staggered into the shower. She blasted it hot in an effort to rid
herself of the gross hangover feeling, and went back into the guest room. She
tugged her jeans back on but yesterday's shirt wasn't an option. She grabbed
one from the bottom drawer, dialing a cab as she did so.
The rest of the day was lost to the meeting and getting actual work done. It
felt better, she decided just after lunch, to stay busy and not think about
things too much. She'd just finished going over some upcoming studio scheduling
with Miles and returned to her office when her phone rang. It was Stacie.
"Hey Stace," she said.
"Hey B," she said. "Just wanted to check and see how you were doing today?"
"Well after the hangover fucks off I'll be pretty good. I mean, I'm working and
stuff, and I'm just trying not to dwell on it," she said. "Billie had good
reasons for breaking up with me and yes it sucks, but she deserves to have
someone who's gonna love her the way she loves them."
"Look at you," Stacie said. "All mature and shit. I spoke to James."
"Did you?" Beca asked. "Is it weird if I ask how Billie is? I mean… I still
care about her."
"It sounds like she's doing pretty much the same as you," Stacie said. "James
said she's obviously upset but it's better for you both long term and she's got
work to keep her occupied."
"Huh," Beca said. "Hopefully that means we can stay friends, somewhere down the
line. Which would be good since you and James seem to be going really well."
"Yeah," Stacie said. "He called earlier today and said that when I have a few
days free he'd like to go away together. Apparently I deserve a break and need
to remember that just because I love my job doesn't mean I need to forgo a
vacation every now and then."
"He's smart Stace," Beca said. "You've been sleeping at the goddamn shop and
you've barely had any time to celebrate how well you've been doing lately."
"Yeah I know. But this afternoon we're hiring another staff member so we'll
hopefully be up to five. Want me to bring dinner to yours tonight?" Stacie
asked.
"Sure," Beca said. "I appreciate the company."
"You're my person," Stacie said. Beca hadn't watched Greys Anatomy but Stacie
had filled her in on how important it was to be considered somebody's person,
and after the lecture was over she figured she and Stacie probably did qualify
as such.
"And you're mine, loser," Beca said. "I'll see you later." They hung up and
Beca kicked her shoes off and sat at her desk. She had about an hour til the
next person was scheduled to come see her, so she took some painkillers from
her drawer and drank a bottle of water.
"Hey Miles?" she said into her intercom. The man appeared in the doorway and
she gestured for him to close it. This wasn't uncommon for them.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Okay, so you're like, the gatekeeper of knowledge in this place," Beca said.
"And I have to tell you something, only I don't want it to become gossip. I'm
telling you because there's a good chance eventually news type people are going
to ask."
"Okay," he said. "You know me, Beca, whatever you say in this office stays here
unless you say otherwise."
"Okay," she said. "Billie and I broke up."
"Oh," he said. "I'm sorry."
"Yeah," she continued. "So when the inevitable happens, I want you to handle
the enquiries and reiterate a few things. One - it was amicable. Honestly.
After we spend a little bit of time disengaging we're probably going to still
see each other socially and work together if the opportunity arises. Two -
there was absolutely no infidelity on either of our parts. Nobody is to blame
for the dissolve in the relationship, it just happened."
"Got it," he said.
"And lastly," Beca said, "If they want a statement, just say that I still care
about Billie and respect her as both an artist and a person. I have no regrets
about the relationship and no ill feeling toward her whatsoever."
"I can handle that," he promised. "Is it out there yet?"
"Stacie knows," Beca said. "And James Atkinson. But that's it. We'll let them
find out organically. No releases."
"No problem," he said. "Now, business aside. You okay?"
"Yeah, I will be," Beca said. "It was right for both of us. I'm a little
hungover since I managed to down a fair bit of bourbon, but that was just a one
night wallow. I'll be fine, thanks, Miles."
"Okay," he said. "If you need something, just holler."
"I will," she said. She hung up and then stared at her desk for a moment. She
felt a little restless, like she needed to be somewhere or go somewhere. Or
maybe not be at work, she couldn't tell. She had one more appointment for the
day, some people from Save The Arts were coming to discuss ambassadorship. Beca
had already explained to them that she didn't even study music in school,
didn't even finish college, but they were still keen to come and see her. But
she still had a little time. Realizing she knew exactly what she needed, she
dialed the phone on Miles's desk.
"Hey," Beca said. "Do I have any studio time booked in for the next four
weeks?"
"None," he said. "Lots of prelim meetings though."
"Can we try and shuffle as many of those meetings as we can into the next week
and then push everything to four weeks away?" she asked. "I'm thinking I need
to take a vacation."
"Seriously?" Miles said. "You haven't taken a proper vacation, like, one longer
than four days in…. ever?"
"I know," Beca said. "So as long as Jenna doesn't need me around here, I think
it's high time I took one, don't you?"
"Definitely," he said. "I'll see if she's free to chat."
"See if she's free for after I'm done with Save The Arts," Beca said.
"Can do," he said. "Need me to book flights or anything for you?"
"No, thanks," she replied. "Don't even know where I'm going, just figured it's
time for a break. This whole breakup thing, and a few other things, I just need
some space to breathe for a bit."
"Sure," Miles said. "I get it."
"Thanks Miles, call me when the Arts guys get here," she said. She hung up and
again, sat still for a few moments. She wondered if she was actually just
admitting it was time for a break, or if she was running away from her
problems. Because sure, her and Billie had broken up and that was definitely
part of her need to get out of LA for a while, but the other part was what
Billie had said to her about Aubrey.
Since Aubrey had shown up in LA, the city had felt like it was getting smaller.
It was bizarre that the blonde would be working at the exact law firm that she
used for her business, and it was weird the amount of times they'd managed to
run into each other in the city considering the sheer size of it and how many
people occupied that space.
She felt like putting distance between her and LA, between her and Aubrey might
be better as she considered what Billie had said. Because trying to figure out
what influence Aubrey had on her life was only going to be ten times harder if
she hung around LA. Because when she got into some serious thinking, she tended
to get pretty emotional, and that could lead to doing something stupid like
going and screaming at the blonde. Which would surely be a horrible thing,
because Aubrey seemed to break into tears even just seeing her.
She jumped online and started looking at places she might want to go to in
order to clear her head. Somewhere she wasn't going to be followed or roped
into DJ work was essential. And that ruled out - as egotistical as it sounded
in her head - anywhere in the US, Central America, most of Europe, a large
chunk of Asia and Australia. It looked like she was best off going to either
somewhere green and in the middle of nowhere or one of those small island type
places, somewhere she could be secluded and left to her own devices. She put
her plans on hold when Miles hit the intercom.
"Your appointment is here," he said.
"Sure, send them in, thanks," Beca said. "How'd you go with Jenna?"
"She's free when you are," he said.
"Thanks Miles," she said. She got up to greet her guests. They were lively,
passionate types, which she liked. She moved the meeting over to the less
formal area, and found herself quite taken with what they were saying. They
finished their spiel, so Beca asked the obvious question.
"And what do you want me for, exactly?" she asked.
"Well, we're looking to hopefully sign you up a celebrity ambassador," one of
them said, a blonde. "Someone to champion the importance of arts education in
schools across America."
"And you want that to be me?" she asked.
"You and one other," he said. "We've already signed Chelsea Bright."
"Oh?" Beca said. "You guys remember that I didn't even study music, right?"
"No," the other said. "But where did you first get your hands on recording
equipment? A guitar?" Beca nodded.
"I see your point," she said. "And I'm all for it. But what would this entail?
Because I'm pretty okay with whatever, but my legal team will kick my ass
unless I ask for specifics."
"There'd be some photoshoots of you and Chelsea as the new ambassadors, and
appearances at four fundraising and awareness events in the next twelve
months."
"What kind of appearances?"
"Well, that would depend on what you're comfortable with," the non-blonde said.
"Chelsea has committed to making speeches at the events, which you can also do
if you like."
"Uh, I'm not one for speeches," Beca said. "But honestly? I'd like to do this.
Be your ambassador and whatever."
"Before you agree," the blonde said, "You know there's no remuneration
involved, right?"
"Duh, you guys are a not for profit trying to keep arts in public schools,
where the hell would you get the money to pay anyone?" she said. They smiled.
"Look, shoot some dates and stuff through to Miles, but I'm not really
available for the next month."
"That's fine," blonde man said. "We've started early, your tenure as ambassador
doesn't technically start until the academic year starts."
"Sweet," Beca said. "Let him know when you have something for me to sign. In
terms of what you guys need from me, I'm happy to DJ an event as a fundraiser,
coach a music masterclass with kids or something, just don't make me talk to
all the suits. If you've got an idea over the next month, email it to the
office and I'll take a look when I get back."
"But you're in?" the other guy asked. Beca offered her hand to him.
"Yeah, I'm in," she said. "The kids fighting to keep music in their schools are
the ones I wanna be working with in five to ten years. You guys are making sure
there's an opportunity there for them, and that can make all the difference."
"We really appreciate this," he said.
"My pleasure," Beca said. "I'll tell Miles to expect some correspondence from
you." They shook her hands in turn and she ushered them out, stopping past
Miles desk.
"I'm heading off to see Jenna," she said. "These guys from Save The Arts are
going to email and call and stuff, whatever they need. I'm going to be an
ambassador for their cause, they know I'm gonna be out of town though."
"No probs," he said. "I'm about to head home so I'll be gone by the time you
get back. I'll just email you the revised schedule for your meetings, but you
do have some pretty big days locked up now."
"That's fine," Beca said. "Have a good night, Miles. Take the girlfriend out."
"I am," he said. "Nothing fancy, just dinner at one of those weird fusion
places she likes."
"Yeah, I'm a burger and fries girl for the most part," Beca said. Miles looked
like he agreed with that. She headed to the far end of the floor where Jenna's
office sat pretty much directly opposite hers.
"Hey Georgie," she said to Jenna's assistant. "She still here?"
"Yeah," Georgie said. "She hung around to make sure she caught you."
"Thanks," Beca said. She didn't bother knocking, just let herself into the
room.
"Hey," Jenna said. She'd kicked her shoes off and had a cold beer in her hand.
"Casual afternoon drink?" Beca said.
"Yep, had to do something while I waited for your ass," Jenna shot back. "Grab
one from the corner if you want."
"I'm fine," Beca said. "Just wanted to talk to you about the schedule for the
next month or so. Do you have anything major planned that you're going to need
me for? Contracts, legals?"
"Nope," she said. "Why's that?"
"I've got Miles clearing out my schedule so I can take a holiday," Beca said.
"You've never taken a holiday," Jenna said. "Everything okay?"
"Just a few personal things converging at once and I'm feeling a little itchy,"
Beca said. "Need some space, get out of LA for a while."
"Going hot or cold?" Jenna said.
"Hot," Beca said. "There's a reason I live in LA and not fucking Minnesota."
"Try the Caribbean," Jenna said. "Hot, you can get some privacy there, locals
don't give a shit about Americans. I can email you some places."
"I'll look into it," Beca said. "I'll be around for another week trying to get
through the meetings I rescheduled."
"You're probably long overdue," Jenna said. "Enjoy it."
"I'll leave contact details with Stacie," Beca said, knowing that her business
partner and best friend were pretty amenable to one another. "Only if the place
is burning down, though."
"Deal," Jenna said.
"Oh, and I just told the guys from Save The Arts that I'd be a celebrity
ambassador," Beca added. "So I'll have some fundraising and corporate type shit
coming up in the next year or so."
"Good cause," Jenna said. "We can talk about that when you get back though."
"Yeah," Beca said. "Thanks, Jen."
"Hey man, like I said. You've never taken a holiday, and if you need some time
to sort through your shit, take it," Jenna said. "Just do me a favor and pack
some heavy duty sunscreen, man."
"Fuck you, Freedman," Beca said with a laugh. She went back to her own office
and collected her stuff before heading home. Stacie found her sitting in the
living room with her laptop open and a notepad next to her.
"What's this?" Stacie asked, dumping a sack full of Chinese on the table.
"Thinking I might take a holiday," Beca said. "Time seems right. Couple weeks
out of LA, might help me get my head clear, you know?"
"Sounds like a good idea," Stacie said. "Where are you gonna go?"
"Somewhere hot," Beca said. "Jenna says I should go Caribbean. I like the look
of St Lucia."
"Oooh," Stacie said.
"That can wait, though," Beca said. "How was your afternoon?"
"I accidentally hired an extra person," Stacie said.
"How does one do that, precisely?" Beca asked, opening the food and grabbing
some chopsticks. Stacie disappeared and returned with drinks before grabbing
her own meal.
"Well, I was technically looking for another intern type person," she said.
"And I had a really good interview for one of those. But the last one of the
day, Beca, this guy comes in."
"A guy wants to work at Conrad Wade?" she asked.
"Yes," Stacie said. "Anyway, he was all about trying to engage a different part
of the market. Like you, for example. Women who still have to go to events but
fucking hate formal evening wear. He wants to do playsuits, suits, tuxes for
women."
"So you hired him?" Beca said.
"Well, Lilah and I talked about it," Stacie said. "He's well recommended, knows
his shit. So we offered him a temporary design position to see how it goes.
After that we'll have to talk again, because even if this guy does incredible
things, I don't think I'd like to turn Conrad Wade into Conrad Wade Farthing.
We built the brand, you know?"
"I feel like that's fair," Beca said. "It's your baby. Like BPM is mine and
Jenna's, and we're not about to give part of that away. We had a lot of lean
months before things kicked off."
"Exactly," Stacie said. "It's all well and good now that we have money rolling
in and a client list most people would kill for, but there were a lotta weeks
where we didn't."
"Nobody is gonna begrudge you for that," Beca said. "And if he does, then fuck
him off."
"I will," Stacie said. "How are you feeling today?"
"Well, obviously I decided I needed a vacation," Beca said. "I just need to be
somewhere outside all of it for a minute."
"Seems fair," Stacie said. "Hard to escape the rain when you're standing under
a stormcloud."
"I'll be around for a week, then gone for two, maybe three, don't know," she
said. "But I'll tell you where I'm going and shit. And if you could check on
the house."
"Of course," Stacie said. "I'll be making use of your pool."
"It's all yours, you know that dude," Beca said.
"You're okay, Beca," Stacie said. It wasn't a question.
"Yeah, I am," she said. "I just need to collect my thoughts, but I am actually
okay. Who would have thought it?"
"Me," Stacie said. "Always told you, you're a tough little shit." Beca swatted
her arm and then stole her moo shoo container from her hand. Stacie smirked and
picked up a different container.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Beca did decide on Saint Lucia, booking out a suite on the beach after reading
Jenna's recommendations. The place she'd decided on was secluded and known for
being quiet but still with excellent service and amenities. Stacie had offered
to drive her to the airport, and was the only person who had exact knowledge of
where she was going. Jenna and Miles both knew she was headed to St Lucia but
not where, Beca wanting to be a hundred percent positive that nobody would find
her. As Stacie drove, she looked over at Beca.
"What are you going to do for fourteen days?" she asked.
"Brought a couple of notepads and a laptop just in case," Beca said. "But the
usual things. Drink, sit on the beach. Think some shit through."
"You mean Aubrey?" she asked.
"Obviously," Beca said. "I need to figure out what kind of truth there was to
what Billie said. Because obviously Aubrey is still influential on me, I just
need to figure out all the stuff… around that."
"You do know you can call me if you want to talk it all through, though?"
Stacie said. "Any time."
"I know Stace," Beca said. "You're the best."
"I, uh, told Billie you were going out of town," Stacie admitted. "Didn't say
where, just said you were taking a vacation. She's off to the UK for two weeks,
back for two and then on a mini Euro tour?"
"Yeah," Beca said. "I remember. She's working. She's okay?"
"I think she will be," Stacie said. "She's not mad or anything. She said maybe
the break would do you good."
"That's what I'm hoping," Beca said.
"You'll be fine, B," Stacie said. "Just remember to reapply your sunscreen and
drink at least two liters of water a day so you don't die on me, okay?"
"Deal," Beca said, after punching her in the arm. They got to the airport and
Beca tugged her suitcase out of the trunk. "Don't work too hard, Stace. Hang
out with James."
"We're going out to dinner tonight," Stacie said. "And I promise I'll tear
myself away from the shop and live a little."
"Listen to us, making it sound like I'm going away forever and it's literally a
bit more than two weeks," Beca said. "Anyway, let's not hold up traffic. Love
you, Stace."
"Yeah, I love you too," Stacie said. "I'll be here to pick you up when you get
back." Beca waved and slipped her sunglasses on top of her head as she entered
the airport.
The biggest advantage she had when avoiding cameras was her size. Even though
just about every one of those creeper celebrity sites that claimed to list all
of her personal details mentioned her height, people always hesitated, thinking
surely this short woman couldn't be Beca Mitchell. Stacie once joked that given
the right outfit Beca could probably be mistaken for a teenager still.
She'd also learned that it was easier to navigate airports without security
attachments. They just drew attention and it was better to quietly go about her
business as quickly as she could. She arrived at the check in desk and handled
the baggage check in quickly. The airport employee who was x-raying carry on
luggage recognized her, so when she explained that she had a laptop and a few
other electronics in her carry on bag, he waved her through without making her
dig it all out. She made sure she thanked him by name.
Then she had about an hour to kill, so she grabbed a cup of coffee and went to
wait in the quietest part of the lounge she could find. The flight was going to
be longer than she'd expected. Jenna had told her to find a doc to prescribe
her some Valium, but Beca wasn't jittery about flying, she had no problems
being in the air. She figured she'd just sleep once she'd made the connecting
flight.
Ironically, the stopover was in Atlanta, a place she hadn't been to in six
years, for obvious reasons. There hadn't been anything for her in Georgia for a
long time. Any time there was business that needed to be attended to, Jenna
would go on their behalf. But it was only a short stop, basically getting off
of one plane and on to the next virtually straight away.
This leg was longer, and after accepting some water from the friendly flight
attendant, Beca pulled her headphones out and jammed them on. She was fortunate
in that she didn't have to recline much in order to get comfortable, so she
curled up and tried to doze, setting an alarm for her phone to vibrate in a
couple of hours.
The flight was uneventful and she was eventually making her way out of the
baggage claim. She spotted a guy holding a sign that said 'Mitchell' and the
name of the resort she had booked at, so she approached him. He took the
suitcase from her and instructed her to get in the back.
"We aren't far away," he said. "Maybe thirty minutes. Do you need to stop for
anything before we get going?"
"No, thank you," Beca said. "What was your name?"
"You can call me Theo," he said.
"Thank you, Theo," she said. "Do you work for the resort?"
"I do," he said. "Mainly driving, and at nights a little security." When they
got to the resort he carried Beca's suitcase in and she pressed a tip into his
hand. He thanked her.
"Thank you Ms Mitchell," he said. "If you require car services during your stay
I'd be happy to help. Just call the service number and ask for me."
"Thanks Theo," she replied. "I'll keep you in mind." He nodded courteously and
disappeared. Beca checked in with the friendly girl behind the counter, who
summoned a man in a golf cart to take her to her villa. He drove slowly,
pointing out the amenities and closest places to eat and drink to her
particular villa.
"We hold drinks nightly on the beach in front of the central building," he
added. "Not compulsory but a lot of fun." He carried the case inside for her
and left quickly. She took a look around. It was about what she'd pictured.
Big, luxurious looking bed. Small sitting and dining areas, a view directly
into the water and a decent bathroom. The villa basically opened on to the
beach, the crystal clear water actually looking quite inviting. A beach cabana
and was set up just a few meters from her door with a sun lounger and table
underneath, which Beca appreciated. Because all the jokes about sunscreen were
for a reason - she tended to burn horribly if she wasn't constantly lathering
herself or staying in the shade. When she'd had the shade erected over half of
her own pool Stacie had given her shit for weeks.
It was mid afternoon, so she went inside and unpacked her few things and read
the in-room materials. Apparently her suite included delivery of food and drink
between 8 am and 10 pm, which sounded great, and if she wanted it outside those
hours she just had to pay a surcharge which she figured was fair. She tracked
down the menu and had a read. Mostly what she'd anticipated. Lots of fresh
fruits and salads, meat and seafood. A few things she'd probably avoid because
they sounded a little more adventurous than she'd like. The drink list was
extensive and she could buy local beer by the six-pack and keep it in the
fridge in her room. She figured she would start there and play it safe by
grabbing a burger for lunch. She dialed the food service extension and made her
requests, the food and drink being promised to arrive in about twenty minutes.
That gave her enough time to change out of her jeans and throw a cover-up on
top of a bikini and some tiny shorts. She washed up and felt immediately
better. Then she rolled her eyes and pulled her sunscreen out, slathering it
all over the exposed parts of her skin. She was just wiping her hands when the
knock came and polite call that it was food service. She met them at the door
and took the food, giving the young woman a tip.
She ate in the room, finding the beer cold and surprisingly tasty, making a
note to remember the name. The burger was good too, so she was pretty happy
overall with the food situation. After she cleaned up, she grabbed her
sunglasses and decided to at least walk the beach and take in the area around
her.
Of course, it was beautiful and picturesque and idyllic and all the things a
Caribbean hideaway vacation spot should be. It was quiet though, and that was
the thing she was most in need of. Because in LA, even the silence was fucking
deafening from time to time.
Beca knew she had a lot of stuff she had to think about while she was down
here, but the chicken shit part of her just wanted to put that off for now.
Maybe lay down and take a nap on the beach first. Surely she'd be able to grant
herself a single day of reprieve from that mind wrecking emotional crap while
she recovered from her travel.
She managed to talk herself into taking four entire days of reprieve from doing
any kind of serious thinking at all. She instead spent the time lying on the
beach (under her cabana because she wasn't a complete moron), downing beer and
eating. She let her Bluetooth speaker run dead, then charged it inside, using
the time going for a walk before repeating the process.
On the fifth day she managed to strike up a conversation with some of the other
people staying at the resort. They were a couple from Wales in their late
forties, so they didn't really know who she was, but they did remark they
hadn't seen her at the resort communal drinks yet. She explained she hadn't
been, and they explained that basically it was just a massive fire in a pit,
plenty of beer and other drinks, and the workers roasted all kinds of meats and
seafood. It sounded pretty good and so she said she'd check it out.
It ended up being better than pretty good. They were all kind of just sitting
on various makeshift chairs or rocks around the big open fire pit. There was
music playing courtesy of a local band who were clearly so well-practiced in
their craft that it was impossible for them to be bad. Beca ate some fire-
roasted pork and chatted to the couple she'd met earlier, before one of the
resort staff came around and offered them drinks from a tray.
It was some kind of spiced rum, and it wasn't bad at all. But it was potent,
and after three of those she was definitely tottering toward being drunk. She
slipped away from the group on the beach and wandered back to her room, away
from the music and the light. She pulled a cold beer from the fridge and sat on
her bed for a moment. Then she got back up and settled at the little table in
the corner where she'd set her laptop up. She opened it and clicked through a
few folders until she found what had been on her mind that she'd actively tried
to ignore.
Since the whole purpose of the trip had been to get away and do some serious
thinking, she'd gone on to Chloe's Facebook page and stolen a photo of Aubrey.
Because obviously it would be easier to think about her while looking at a
picture of her. Now seemed like a good time. The alcohol had given lowered her
resistance and she'd probably read it over in the morning and find it was
drunken incoherence, but at least it would be a start. At least the alcohol
meant she wasn't afraid to think about exactly what the blonde meant to her.
She downed half the bottle and called for another six pack. For some reason her
chest ached looking at the Aubrey's picture on the screen. Maybe because she
couldn't figure how something so beautiful could be the cause of that much
pain. Whatever. She finished the bottle and grabbed another, before digging out
a notebook and pen. She left the picture of Aubrey up on the screen and stared
at it until the knock of her next six pack came. She scrawled her acceptance of
the late-call fee and stuck it in the fridge. And then she sat back down and
picked up the pen. It felt like she wrote for pages and pages and pages,
through a few more beers, but eventually she stumbled toward the bed and fell
asleep.
When she finally awoke in the late morning she was hung over, not the most
malicious hangover she ever had, but not exactly the nicest. She grabbed some
coconut water from the fridge and drank it slowly in bed, rubbing her face. The
room was a hell of a lot brighter than she would have liked, but she supposed
that's what happened when you drank heavily the night before.
Once she'd hydrated a little more, she headed into the bathroom and took a long
shower. Not too hot, but enough that she got out feeling relatively good again.
Then she took a walk to grab something light and fresh for breakfast. It was
only when she got back that she remembered the open laptop and notepad on the
table. She looked at it for a moment. Then she sighed and sat down to sift
through the wreckage.
Drunken Beca had evidently begun by retelling their messy history, which was,
unsurprisingly, not a fun read. Then there'd been a few pages where she'd
ranted about a whole mess of things that she'd liked and hated about Aubrey.
Scrawled words like 'pretty hair' and 'fucking 90s girl bands seriously'. But
on the fourth page there had been some surprisingly clarifying points.
You loved Aubrey when you thought you'd never love again.
She said she loved you but she hurt you and ran away.
Why would she do that?
Billie said she loved you and she didn't lie.
You should have loved her but you couldn't.
Did you not love her because you can't or did you not love her because she's
Billie and not Aubrey?
You need to speak to Aubrey.
She tore all the other pages off and just sat with the last. For a few moments
she was actually surprised at how insightful drunk her had been. If sober her
had been able to summarize points this succinctly she probably would have done
better in school. There were two questions on the page, and only one was
something she could answer.
Did you not love her because you can't or did you not love her because she's
Billie and not Aubrey?
That was the real fucking question right there, wasn't it. Because loving
Billie West should have been something she should could do. Easily, even. The
woman was motherfucking hotter than the midday Caribbean sun. She was smart and
grounded and talented and absolutely phenomenal in the sack. She was easy and
comfortable and loyal and sweet, she god damn loved her and Beca should have
been able to tell her that.
But Billie had been right because she couldn't and it had something to do with
Aubrey and the only question was what. She was beginning to think that Billie
was a smart woman because it wasn't that Aubrey had ruined love for her,
because if that were the case she would be shying away from Stacie and Jenna
and Miles. She'd be running from any kind of intimate relationship, not just
the kind where she happened to be banging the person in question.
So there was probably some kind of residual feeling there. That actually pissed
her off a little, she should have been able to shake any kind of hold Aubrey
had on her after six motherfucking years. But apparently she hadn't. Because if
there'd been nothing left she wouldn't have smoked and drank away the night the
first time she'd seen her. She wouldn't have worried about her when she cried
or ran or was so evidently hurting. But she did. The night she'd all but
knocked her over on the street, when Aubrey had simply run from her,
distraught. The look had stayed with her for a lot longer than it should have.
Instead of being able to concentrate on the hot blonde on her arm, she could
only think about the other blonde's downcast face and tears.
She stopped her silent musing and sat back. Part of her was tempted to go and
buy a packet of cigarettes but then she'd not be able to give them up easily
because Stacie wasn't here to call her a massive dickhead. So she compromised
with a cup of coffee. Maybe two. She snapped a photo of her drunken scrawlings
and emailed it to Stacie with a caption that said Check how deep Drunk Beca can
go with the therapy shit. Then she grabbed her sunglasses and went to get some
black coffee.
She managed to waste a bit of the afternoon nursing the coffee and some freshly
baked pastries, letting the sun and the caffeine mix together and bring her
'relatively good' status to 'pretty fucking great' status. She liked St Lucia.
Sun, alcohol, quiet, anonymity, space. If she could transport Stacie down here
immediately, she would. She'd at least try and come back here with her. She'd
get a kick out of the place.
But she soon headed back to her villa and was drawn to her spot at the table to
once again stare at what she'd written on the page. There was a response email
from Stacie that said Damn, who needs that fancy schoolin? Let me know how that
introspection works out for you.
This is why Stacie was the perfect friend. She knew better than to ask the
obvious question that she might have after seeing the things written on that
page. And she'd also listen to Beca once she came home and laid down whatever
conclusion she'd come to down here. Whether that was her being far too fucked
up to ever consider the love thing again, or whether it was her admitting that
the Aubrey thing might not be over was still to be seen.
The next days were spent mulling over her and Billie and her and Aubrey, mixed
with more beer and sun and nightly drinks out the front of the resort by the
fire. She didn't get any entirely clarifying results though because there was
one other point on the page that kept hitting her hard over and over.
Why would she do that?
She had to get some answers on that one before she could answer the other. She
had to admit that she was a little afraid of what that discussion might look
like, if Aubrey would even go for it. She figured the best avenue would be to
talk to Chloe and explain that she needed to be able to move on and couldn't do
that without a conversation with Aubrey. Maybe Chloe would consider being there
so it was more likely to be entirely civil. But there wasn't much she could do
from St Lucia now, so she figured she may as well soak up the sun.
***** Chapter 16 *****
Beca stood up on tiptoe to try and see Stacie. But she was too short, even with
Stacie's height. She sighed and concentrated on making it through the throng of
people, dodging elbows and shoulders as she made her way to the fringe. She
managed to spot her best friend leaning casually against a wall and angled
toward her. When she finally reached her, the taller woman wrapped her arms
around her tightly.
"Hey," Stacie said. "How was the break?"
"Really good," Beca said. "You'd like that place, you can pretty much just lie
on the beach and get drunk all day long without being interrupted for any
reason."
"Sounds like heaven," Stacie said. "But that wasn't really what I was referring
to."
"I know," Beca said. "Let's get back to my place before we start with the heavy
stuff, dude. Do you have plans for the rest of the day?"
"My plan for the day and night was hanging out with you," Stacie said. "James
is doing some voice work."
"For what?"
"He got a call to come and voice a villain in one of those Lego cartoon
movies," Stacie said. "His name is Destructo Von Doom. He thinks it's
hilarious."
"And what about the shop?"
"Lilah is there today and the new guy is there too, and he's doing very well,"
Stacie said. "Lilah made me take this weekend off because I hadn't actually had
a day off since before you left."
"But the new guy is good?"
"Yes, and he's a lifesaver, only he doesn't know it yet," Stacie said. "Lilah
told me a couple of days ago that she's pregnant again."
"She's having another one?" Beca asked.
"Yeah," Stacie said. "They wanted to have the kids close in age. Which I
support, because you know, it's her family man. And at least I have plenty of
notice to try and get some extra help for when she goes on maternity leave."
"What's the deal with maternity leave anyway?" Beca asked.
"Well, since we own the label, she still gets an income," Stacie said. "I
wouldn't screw her, she's my girl."
"I know," Beca said. "Good for her. So are we stopping for burgers or what?"
"Hell yes, and we're picking up donuts on the way," Stacie said. "You already
have beer in the fridge, I put it there yesterday."
"Dammit Stacie, if you were gay-"
"You'd still never be able to handle all this, Mitchell," Stacie said.
"True," Beca said. "I love you anyway, you know that?"
"Yeah, I know," Stacie said. "And I love you too." They got back to the car and
headed to Beca's, stopping for their food. Stacie brought it inside while Beca
dealt with her bag, then they both headed onto the deck to eat.
"So did you get any work done while you were away?" Stacie asked.
"Not really," Beca said. "I actually just needed the break. I pretty much did
nothing except lay around on the beach, take walks, eat, drink and spend a lot
of time thinking."
"Drunk thinking even," she said. "That was an interesting page of thoughts."
"I know," Beca said. She swallowed the last of her burger. "And I've realized I
need to do two things. One, I need to talk to Billie."
"Why?" Stacie asked. "I know she's home, but..."
"Nothing sketchy, Stace, I swear," Beca said. "I need to apologise to her.
Because it probably sucked for her realizing that I was still hung up on Aubrey
when we were pretty deep in a relationship, and even though it wasn't
intentional, I want her to know that I'm sorry."
"Did you want me to find out if she's okay with you going to see her?" Stacie
asked. "We've spoken a few times, obviously, she's at the house a lot more. And
she's going back out of town pretty soon."
"If you don't mind," Beca said. "Have the press caught wind of the fact that
we've broken up?"
"No," Stacie said. "She was out of town working and you took a vacation. There
was speculation about whether she was going to sneak down there and join you."
"That's good news at least," Beca said. "The other thing I need to do, and I
don't even know if this is a possibility, is to talk to Aubrey."
"Whoa."
"I know," Beca said. "But I have questions for her. Actually, just the one
question. I need to know why."
"I can understand that," Stacie said. Beca fidgeted for a second.
"Aubrey, I have realized, has a much bigger hold on me than I've allowed myself
to believe," Beca said. "Because when it's stripped all the way down, the
reason I didn't love Billie had nothing to do with Billie except for the fact
that she isn't Aubrey. Even after everything that happened, I still couldn't
bring myself to love someone because of the way I felt - and possibly still
feel - about her."
"You're still in love with Aubrey?" Stacie asked.
"I don't know," Beca said. "I've barely spoken to her in six years, and it
would really have to depend on her being able to talk to me. Because I think
that if I do, I'll be able to go one way or the other."
"So you need closure," Stacie said.
"Yeah, I think so," Beca said. "I can't define Aubrey's position in my… well,
until I understand her motives, I don't even know that there is a position. So
I think first I need to talk to Chloe so I can then talk to Aubrey."
"Beca, that's a big move," Stacie said. "And I agree that talking to Aubrey is
probably a good idea, but I don't want you to do it alone. I want to be there,
or Chloe, or someone, just so everything is kept in check."
"I want you there," Beca said. "Because we both know that when it comes to
Aubrey, I'm not exactly strong. I need you there so I don't fall apart." Stacie
reached out and grabbed her hand.
"I'm there whenever you need me," she said.
"This is why you're my favorite person alive," Beca said. "Anything going on
with you besides work?" Stacie stopped in the middle of bringing her drink to
her mouth.
"Well, it's probably not the best time to bring up a conversation about this
exact topic," Stacie said. "But I told James that I loved him."
"You did?" Beca said. "You do?"
"You know me," Stacie said. "So you know I don't that word around lightly. But
yeah, I do. I'm really happy with him."
"And he said it back?"
"He said it first," Stacie said. "So yeah, things are good. Serious. I'm
meeting his mom next week."
"She'll love you," Beca said. "And if she doesn't she's a dumbass. I'm happy
for you, Stacie. You deserve someone who thinks the world of you, and James is
a good man." Stacie just smiled. Beca yawned.
"Do you need to take a nap?" she asked. "I don't mind, I might make use of your
pool, properly enjoy my weekend off."
"Sounds pretty good, actually," Beca said. "If I don't make an appearance in
two hours, come get me though. We'll go out for steak."
"Deal," Stacie said. "I'm glad you're back, Beca. And that you're doing okay."
"Yeah, me too," Beca said. She took their trash inside and headed upstairs to
her room, taking a quick shower to get the gross travel feel off of her before
she climbed into the bed.
When she awoke it had been a little over an hour so she changed into a swimsuit
headed downstairs. She found Stacie lying in the sun by the pool. Her skin was
brown, something Beca felt inherently unfair since she just went red. She dove
into the water, finding it cold and refreshing, the move also startling Stacie.
"Dozed off?" Beca said.
"Yeah," Stacie said. "Enjoying myself. Feel better after a sleep?"
"Always," Beca said. "But I'm starving again."
"Donuts inside, that should hold you over til we go out," Stacie said. Beca
decided that was a great idea, and went inside to grab them. The other girl was
making no move to get up so Beca just parked back on the deck with the donuts,
and then deciding she might call Chloe. She dialed the redhead and waited.
"Dr Chloe Beale," came the efficient response.
"Hello Dr Chloe Beale," Beca said.
"Oh, Beca," Chloe said. "Sorry, force of habit. Never know who's calling.
What's up?"
"I'm calling for a favor, only I'm not sure how that favor is going to go
down," Beca said. "I need you to get Aubrey in the same room as me. We need to
talk."
"No," Chloe said.
"It's not so I can yell at her or anything," Beca said. "I just want to talk.
Because it's been pointed out to me recently that I'm still entangled with her
emotionally and I need to talk to her."
"I don't know Beca," Chloe said. "She doesn't handle it the best when she's
around you."
"I know, and don't you think we should figure this out?" Beca asked. "We
shouldn't have to count on being able to avoid each other in order just to
function properly. That might work for some people, but we have a business
connection. Do me a favor and ask her? I want you to be there, and Stacie, so
you can keep it all level, I just think we need to sort some things out."
"I'll talk to her but I'm not making any promises, Beca," Chloe said.
"I appreciate you trying," Beca said. "Let me know how it goes."
"I will," Chloe said.
Stacie vacated the pool a while later and they both disappeared to take showers
and get changed into something dinner appropriate. Then they headed out to
their normal steakhouse, enjoying their food. On their way back to the car, a
photographer stopped them and asked if Beca was cheating on Billie with Stacie.
"Yeah, tell James Atkinson I stole his girl," she said with a heavy eye roll.
"This is my best friend, you idiot. Has been for years."
"Oh my god, Beca, why would you cheapen our relationship like that," Stacie
said dramatically before turning to the photographer. "Seriously, dude, where
have you been?" They ignored him and went back to Beca's, polishing off the
last of the donuts and going to sleep.
Beca ended up hearing from Chloe late the next afternoon after Stacie had left.
At first, it sounded like Chloe was calling to tell her she was going to say
no, but that wasn't the case.
"She says okay, but there are conditions," Chloe said. "We meet somewhere not
in public. This isn't a conversation anybody should have in public, and
especially not when press seem to like you and Stacie an awful lot."
"That's fine, come here," Beca said.
"Two, she won't be interrupted while she talks," Chloe said. "I know what she's
going to tell you and, trust me, it's better if she gets it all out at once."
"That's fine," Beca said.
"Three, nobody gets to ask about her therapy, because that's her business,"
Chloe said. "That rule is mine. If she volunteers the information that's fine,
but no prying."
"I understand," Beca said. "Sounds pretty serious." Chloe sighed on the other
end of the phone.
"Beca, you have no idea," she said. "Just… be prepared to hear something you've
never heard before."
"When?" Beca asked.
"Friday, six pm," she replied. "We'll come to yours, I have the address."
"Okay," Beca said. "Stacie and I will be here. Tell her I appreciate it."
"Tell her yourself on Friday," Chloe said. She sounded worried still, but Beca
didn't want to push her luck. She texted Stacie to let her know that Chloe and
Aubrey would be coming to her place at 6pm on Friday. Stacie texted back that
she'd be there. Beca still had a full week off of work to go between now and
then.
She ended up meeting with Billie on Tuesday. Stacie had relayed the message
that Beca wanted to talk before she left town, and Billie had told her to drop
by the house before Thursday if she wanted to catch her. She was nervous
ringing the doorbell. Billie opened it still looking gorgeous, and they looked
at each other hesitantly for a moment.
"Hi," Beca said. "Thanks for letting me come by. I won't be here long."
"Stacie said you took a vacation," Billie said as she led her through the
house. "Where'd you go?"
"St Lucia," Beca said. "Awesome place. And you're working a lot?"
"Yeah, I've actually just landed a pretty big role," Billie said. "Only James
knows so far, but I just booked probably my biggest job ever. I'm the lead
actress in Scorsese's new movie."
"Holy shit," Beca said. "Congratulations, Billie, seriously. That's huge. I'm
sure you'll slay it."
"Thanks," Billie said. "I'm so nervous."
"You'll do great," Beca said. "Anyway, I wanted to talk." The mood in the room
changed.
"Yeah, Stacie said that."
"I know we already talked when it happened, but it's about how we ended," Beca
said. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I took that vacation to do some
thinking, and while I was down there I realized just how much this would have
sucked for you. Because we were in a serious relationship and you were
realizing that I was still hung up on this other girl, which could only have
been horrible for you. And yes, I didn't know this at the time, but it still
hurt you, and for that Billie, I am truly sorry."
"I accept your apology, Beca," Billie said. "It's like I said, you didn't even
know."
"Thank you," Beca said. "And hopefully, after a little time, we might be able
to hang out or something. I know Stace and James are getting kind of intense
these days, so it'd be nice for them if we could still be around each other."
"Well, I'm all for it," Billie replied. "I'll call you when I get back into
town and we'll start with coffee. Has anyone called Miles and asked about us
yet?"
"No," Beca said. "I'm surprised. A photographer did ask me last night if I was
cheating on you with Stacie, but we were smartasses to him. I'm fine with them
finding out whenever, I just wanted to talk to you first."
"We could have been something great in a different life, Beca Mitchell," Billie
said with a wry smile.
"I'll settle for us being great friends in this one," Beca said.
"Have you seen Aubrey?"
"We're sitting down with Chloe and Stacie on Friday," Beca said. "There are a
lot things that need to be discussed in great length. But she's willing to
talk."
"You still have no idea how you feel about her, do you?" Billie asked.
"I won't know until I hear an explanation," Beca said.
"I talked to Chloe before I broke up with you," Billie said. "I was looking for
some clarification around you and Aubrey." That stunned Beca a little.
"Oh."
"She had nothing to do with my actions, let me make that clear," Billie said.
"And she did flat out refuse to answer some of my questions. I like her. But
one thing she said to me, was that Aubrey has her reasons and even though
she'll swear they're not an excuse, Chloe thinks they explain it all away."
"Really?"
"Yeah," Billie said. "I don't know much about Chloe, apart from what you've
told me, but I don't think she'd say something like that unless she meant it."
"She wouldn't," Beca said. "Anyway, don't let me keep you. I'll leave you to
it."
"Thanks for coming by," Billie said. "It was good to see you."
"Yeah, you too," Beca said. "And do call me when you get back." Billie nodded
and escorted her back out of the house. It had gone a lot better than she'd
anticipated, which was a massive weight off of her chest.
When Friday rolled around, Beca felt a little nervous. The day felt heavy, and
fittingly enough, fat stormclouds were hanging over the city, warm and thick.
Stacie had left work early to come to the house, and the two of them had drunk
a single glass of Scotch each as some kind of preparation.
The doorbell rang at six exactly, and Beca went to go and answer it. Chloe came
in ahead of Aubrey, who was looking more nervous than Beca had ever seen her.
She was wearing simple jeans and a light cotton t-shirt.
"Come in," Beca said. "Can I get anyone a drink?" She led them to the sitting
room where Stacie was already waiting.
"Just water, thanks," Aubrey said quietly. "And some tissues." Beca balked.
Clearly this was bad. She grabbed the requested items and rejoined them.
"Okay," Stacie said. "How are we doing this?"
"I know you don't want to be interrupted once you start," Beca said to Aubrey,
"But let me just say before you begin that I didn't ask to see you so I could
yell at you or make your life hard. It was recently brought to my attention
that I still have a lot of things unresolved where you and I are concerned and
I think it would be in the best interest of both of us to talk it over."
"Okay," Aubrey said. "I know what you mean. You can't piece any of your stuff
together without knowing why I did what I did. So here I am. And if nobody has
anything to add, I'll start talking." Nobody spoke, so Aubrey took a sip of
water and then clutched Chloe's hand. The redhead squeezed it, and Aubrey began
speaking.
She started from the very first time in her fathers office, giving the same
retelling she had given to Chloe. Chloe began crying very early on, Stacie
finally cracking when Aubrey shed a few tears. She told them all about the
atrocities she had suffered, about her father's chilling warning as she went
off to college, about what had happened when she'd gone to see them after
sleeping with Beca. She didn't hold anything back, explaining her suicide
attempt, her hospitalization and her slow crawl back to being a functioning
member of society.
The whole tale took forty minutes, and at the end the room was thick with
emotion. Chloe was sniffling, Aubrey was clutching her hand tightly, and Stacie
looked angry.
"I'm sorry, Aubrey," she said. "For having any part in your relapses, for you
having to go through that at all. I feel like such an asshole."
"It's not your fault, Stacie," Aubrey said. "I didn't tell anybody. I couldn't
tell anybody, I didn't know how." All three of them looked at Beca, who hadn't
made a sound. Her face was pale and her jaw was slack. She was shaking her head
slightly like she was trying to somehow sort out what she'd just heard. Then
all at once, she dropped her head into her hands and began to cry. Not just the
few empathetic tears Stacie had shed, but completely sobbing in heartwrenching
fashion. Stacie and Chloe just looked at her, worried. Aubrey got up and
kneeled in front of her, whispering things to her that neither of the other
could hear.
"I feel like we're intruding," Chloe said.
"Come on, we'll give them some space," Stacie said. She led Chloe out onto the
deck and pulled a pair of beers from the fridge Beca had out there. She handed
one to the redhead and they sat wordlessly at the table for a few moments.
"Shit," Stacie said eventually. "I had no idea."
"Nobody did," Chloe said. "I never did. But as far as I'm concerned, yes she
hurt Beca, but -"
"She's not as malicious as she let us believe she was, or even at all," Stacie
said. "She was hurting. I can barely believe she's even a functioning person."
"I know, right?" Chloe said. "What do you think is gonna happen with them?"
They both looked toward the glass doors even though they couldn't see anything.
Inside, Beca was still crying. Aubrey was trying to whisper comforting
platitudes into her ear, but she was just too far gone. Eventually she rose up
on her knees and just wrapped her arms around Beca tightly. That seemed to
lessen the crying somewhat, so she just waited it out until the tears subsided.
"Aubrey," Beca said in a strained voice from the crying, "You let me hate you
for so long. Why would you do that? You could have just told me. I would have
protected you."
"I couldn't have told you, Beca," Aubrey said, getting up and sitting on the
couch next to her. "I didn't even know how to articulate it. It was like I was
drowning in my own life."
"I would have done something, anything," Beca said.
"That's another reason," Aubrey said. "I didn't want my dad or anyone else to
know enough about you that you might get hurt or be considered someone
dangerous to those who what was going on."
"So if your goal was to protect me, then why sleep with me at all?" Beca asked.
Aubrey looked down for a few moments.
"Because I was selfish," she said. "I loved you, Beca, more than anything. And
as messed up as it was, I wanted to feel that, to have that connection, that
security that you were offering me if only for one night. And yes, I knew it
could only end badly, but you were the one thing that I loved and I just had to
know what that was like. I'm sorry, because I know it hurt you a lot."
"It all pales in comparison to what you went through," Beca said. "God, Aubrey.
I can't believe how much you've endured. And I'm sorry. For being so cold and
ruthless with you."
"You don't need to apologise," Aubrey said. "It is what it is. It's over."
"Can I tell you why you're here?" Beca asked. Aubrey nodded. "Billie broke up
with me."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Aubrey said. "She seemed nice enough the few moments I knew of
her."
"It's more than that," Beca said. "She did it a few weeks ago, and she said
that things seemed very unfinished between you and I. I denied it, naturally.
But she was right. Because Billie loved me, Aubrey. And I should have been able
to love her back. But I couldn't, and the only reason I could come up with was
that she wasn't you."
"I'm sorry."
"No, don't be sorry," Beca said. "You were the one great love I ever had. And I
didn't know just hoe much of me was still entwined in you until she pointed it
out. I had no resolution, no closure."
"And now you do," Aubrey said.
"No, I have an understanding," Beca said. "Nothing is finished here, can't you
feel that?" Aubrey nodded her head fractionally.
"I still love you," Aubrey confessed. "I'm sure you know. I couldn't handle
seeing you with her because I still love you." Hearing Aubrey say the words
made her take a deep breath.
"I don't know what we do from here," Beca said. "Because it's very clear that
we both have unresolved feelings. I still care about you, and I always have,
evidently, but I was so convinced that I hated you so I'm really just at a
loss." She had moved closer to Aubrey anyway.
"Do you hate me?" Aubrey asked. She shuffled even closer.
"You know I don't," Beca said, barely above a whisper. "You know I can't. I
don't know if it's love because I'm so confused and still reeling and
everything, but I won't deny that there's something still here." She leaned in
a little, and Aubrey leaned closer. Beca wanted to just kiss her, take her into
her arms and try to make her forget all of her problems. But she knew it was a
bad idea. Plus, Aubrey was shaking ever so slightly, and she was close enough
to notice. So she leaned up and softly brushed her lips to Aubrey's forehead.
"Not now," Beca said. "Not like this." Aubrey nodded and sat back.
"So what do we do?" Aubrey asked.
"We take some time," Beca said. "Is that okay? I feel like we've laid a lot of
emotions and stuff out tonight, and it'd be bad to rush. We need space and
time. So how about we take a week and then meet up for coffee?"
"Are you saying that we might - is that presumptuous?"
"It's been six years, Aubrey. Six long years, and I still wasn't able to
convince myself I was over you. I haven't been able to undo what you mean to
me, I haven't been able to erase the history that we have. And I was hurt, but
you were hurting. And I think we can try and at least see if there aren't
enough pieces here to have a crack at building something," Beca said. Aubrey
hung her head as a few tears slipped from her eyes. Beca reached for her and
pulled her toward her. They just held each other for a few moments.
"Okay," Aubrey said. "I can do a week. But I think maybe I should go." Beca
just nodded and released her. She got up and went to the deck to get Chloe,
then saw the two of them to the door, promising to call Aubrey the following
week. Then she went back to the deck, stopping to grab her own beer and sinking
down next to Stacie.
"So," Stacie said. She didn't follow it up with anything.
"Yeah," Beca countered. "Intense."
"What happened after we left?"
"I cried. We talked. We're going to take a week to sort through our shit and
then meet up."
"You still love her?" Stacie asked.
"I don't know, Stace," she said honestly. "Because I spent so long convincing
myself I hated her and I ended up being wrong about that. I've got some more
thinking to do."
"You know you can call me any time, right?" Stacie said.
"I know," she replied.
"Do you need me to stay?" she offered.
"I should be okay," Beca said. "But thanks. I'm just going to finish my beer,
find something to eat." Stacie nodded and disposed of her bottle, stopping to
hug Beca briefly. Beca's hand came up and gripped Stacie's, holding it in place
for a second.
"Thanks," she said to her best friend. "For being here."
"I keep telling you, Becs," Stacie said. "Anything for you." Beca nodded and
stayed in her seat as she heard Stacie close the front door behind her.
***** Chapter 17 *****
Beca returned to work the next week, and from the second she set foot in the
door she was non-stop with back to back meetings and preliminaries and planning
sessions. It was good, she figured. She still loved her job after all these
years and she was still seen as a highly talented and influential person. She
had enough work lined up to keep her busy for months, and that was the way she
liked it. The break had left her refreshed and she was feeling very positive
about the work she was doing.
The only item to note was when Miles subtly pointed her toward a news story
that queried whether Beca and Billie might be on the rocks. Their logic was
that Beca had holidayed in a secluded and tropical destination and Billie
hadn't even managed a flying visit, plus there had been no sightings of Billie
and Beca together anywhere in LA since she'd been back. Beca wasn't bothered.
News was going to come out eventually, and now that she'd talked to Billie
herself, she was fine with it.
After her long days at the studio were done though, she spent equally long
nights thinking about Aubrey. About the horrible things she'd endured
throughout her life. About how hard even breathing and walking and functioning
without dissolving into a mess must have been for her. She cried, more than
once, knowing that the blonde had been so broken but also too afraid to reach
out for help.
But she also had to weigh up where to go from here. Because it was clear that
Beca hadn't loved anybody since Aubrey, not with the same level of intensity.
But she didn't even know if she could love Aubrey the same way. Even though the
blonde had given her the answers that she'd longed for all this time, she still
felt like she'd be very cautious with love again. And if she and Aubrey were to
try to build something now, that kind of dynamic could ruin things before they
even began. They could be amazing together, with a lot of work, or they could
be a disaster.
Thursday night, she called Stacie and asked if she was free. She needed to talk
this over with her, needed to spell it out and have the other girl tell her if
she was crazy or not. Stacie had said she'd come over as soon as she closed up
the shop - Beca wasn't surprised she was there late again. True to her word,
Stacie showed up not long after, toting coffee and donuts, because that's just
what they did.
"So how's it going?" Stacie asked.
"Good to be back in the flow of things," Beca said. "Got a lot of work lined
up."
"That's great," Stacie said. "And you know that's-"
"Not what you're asking, I know," Beca said. "You can read my mind, you know?"
"So talk to me, B," she said. "Because you got a whole lot of real heavy shit
laid on you last week and what you do with that can really impact the rest of
your life."
"No pressure though," Beca said.
"Quit stalling," Stacie said. Beca sighed.
"I'm not really going to talk about what happened to Aubrey," she began. "I
can't even really stomach thinking about it yet, and I still can't wrap my head
around that. It's just too terrifying. But I do need to talk about what happens
next. Because I'm going to use the word that I don't normally use."
"You love Aubrey?" she asked immediately.
"I'm going to say yes," Beca said, "for the purposes of this conversation. And
that doesn't mean I don't, it just means that my issues with love are - for the
moment - separate to this."
"So when you say love, you mean in whatever capacity is that you have at the
moment," Stacie said. "Gotcha."
"It's pretty clear that I love her, Stacie," Beca said. "I couldn't even love
one of the most attractive, talented, successful and genuine people in the
world because of what she meant to me. And it was definitely unconscious on my
part with Billie. I wanted to, I wanted it so bad. But I said it to Aubrey,
when she was here. I only ever had one great love and she was it. Nothing
compared before that, and nothing compared since. Which is really shitty, kind
of, because all we had was that one night."
"Don't say it like that," Stacie said. "You guys have a lot of great memories
together. Remember those instead." Beca smiled at her best friend.
"Is it so crazy of me to want to try again with her?" Beca asked. "Is it
absolutely insane that I would even think about getting involved with her?"
"I don't think it's insane," Stacie said.
"Because I think that's what I want," she continued. "I think that if we really
work at it, Stace. Like, properly. If we keep talking and whatever, if we make
it a priority to put the past where it belongs, we could make it."
"That's going to be a lot of hard work," Stacie said. "Hard, messy. You ready
for that?"
"Hard and messy, but worth it," Beca pointed out. "If Aubrey and I are meant to
be - and surely this has got to be a sign that we are - then anything we would
go through would be worth it."
"So you're saying if she's willing, then you are?"
"I am," Beca said. "I'm saying that a big part of me is still in love with her,
and if we can sort through the rest of the shit-"
"What shit?" Stacie said. "Because Bree said she doesn't want you to pity her
for what she went through."
"But you can't just conceivably expect us to jump back into each other's lives
after six years and pick up like nothing has changed," Beca replied. "And both
of our lives have left us a little battered - her a bit more than little, I'd
say - and that just doesn't just affect us individually it affects us. We're
both going to have things that we're sensitive about, that we are going to have
to talk about at length."
"What's your suggestion gonna be?"
"That we start again," Beca said. "Hang out, some dating. But - here's the one
I want to run past you - is it offensive to ask Aubrey to come to like a
couples counselor?"
"You want to go to couples therapy?"
"God knows what kind of fucked up dynamic we could be dealing with here," Beca
said. "If we can at least hash it all out in a safe, neutral space, it's going
to help. I don't want her to feel ambushed." Stacie sat back for a moment. Beca
had been really thinking this thing through. And she was clearly deadly serious
about everything she'd said so far. It sounded like she was really willing to
make an effort to salvage something with Aubrey. She was proud of her best
friend.
"Crunch time," Stacie said. "I'm going to be blunt Stacie now. Answer me
truthfully. Knowing that the two of you have both had shitty hands dealt to
you, and everything that Aubrey kept from you, everything you both have done
since then, do you really believe that she might be the one? That she might
still be to you what she was six years ago?"
"I do," Beca whispered. "I can't see how she wouldn't be. There's no way we
could break apart like we did, flounder around for six years and find ourselves
back at the start just for no reason."
"Then I'm here for you," Stacie said. "And her. Because lord knows you could
both use a little happiness, and if that's something you find in each other I'm
going to support that. Whatever you need." She got up and tugged Beca to her
feet so she could hug her.
"Thanks Stacie," she said. "For coming, for listening. For always - well. For
always being the one."
"Fuck yeah, I'm the one," Stacie said. "When are you seeing Aubrey?"
"I'm going to text her," Beca confirmed. "And I'll make sure it's a daylight
kind of thing. Brunch, lunch, coffee."
"Can I ask one thing?" Stacie said.
"What's that?"
"I know it's not really my business, but I feel like it'd be messy if - shit,"
Stacie said. "Alright this could potentially be awkward. Promise me you won't
throw yourself back into the physical side of the relationship if you guys try
again. Take it slow. Because with you guys, the physical was never really about
the physical stuff, it was all the emotional. So if you do reconnect, it might
be easier for you guys emotionally if you avoid the sex and stuff for a while
so you don't unintentionally use it to gloss over other things." Beca paused
and considered that.
"Deal," she said. "That's actually a really good point."
"I just want you guys to be careful," Stacie said. "And you know that whatever
you guys need, you're going to have me and Chloe with you. And we know what you
guys have been through."
"Thanks, Stace. You staying the night?"
"No, thanks, I'm going to head over and see James," Stacie said. "Been a couple
days."
"Sure," Beca said. "Tell him I said hey." She got up and hugged Stacie, then
she walked her back to her car. She went inside and took a hot shower,
wondering if it was too late to text Aubrey. Taking a chance, she figured she
may as well.
[You awake?]
[Yes.]
[Can we meet up Saturday? Brunch or something somewhere quiet? I know a few
places.]
[That sounds good. Time?]
[11:00, I'll text you an address.]
[See you then.]
Aubrey smiled down at her phone. She felt positive about the exchange with
Beca, even though it was only a few short messages. She felt like if it was
going to be bad, Beca would have told her to come to the house, or not to
bother. And she wanted things to go well.
Because she spent a lot of the week thinking about Beca. And her and Beca.
Mainly the fact that she wanted there to be a her and Beca. There wasn't a
point where she hadn't wanted that. There was no single person she had ever
felt for the same way she felt for Beca. And the fact that Beca had told her
that there was even a possibility that they might try again had made her
happier than she'd been in months.
It was something she'd talked to her new therapist about a few days ago.
Because she was still so worried that she was depending on Beca for her
happiness. She hadn't thought was the case, until she'd seen Beca that first
time. She thought she was doing okay before that. The advice her therapist had
given her was to take it slow, to continue to talk, and not be afraid to ask
Beca to give her time and space if she needed it.
When Saturday arrived, Aubrey pulled up at the coffee shop a little before
eleven. Beca had said it was a very quiet place and they'd be well out of the
public eye there. She pushed the door and spotted the brunette sitting way in
back, so she made her way over. Beca stood and gave her a brief hug.
"Thanks for coming," Beca said. She gestured to the chair in front of her. "Can
I get you coffee, something to eat? I haven't had breakfast yet, so there's
gonna be food."
"Coffee would be great," Aubrey said.
"Sure you don't want food?" Beca said. "I'm probably getting pastries and like,
eggs benedict or something."
"I wouldn't turn down some eggs," Aubrey said. Beca beckoned a waiter over and
ordered them both breakfast.
"Is it okay if we wait until the food gets here before we get into it?" Beca
asked. "I just - it'll be easier if we don't get interrupted once we start."
"That's fine," Aubrey said. "You went back to work this week?"
"Yeah," Beca said. "I've been busy, actually. Just before I went on holidays I
agreed to be a celebrity ambassador for Save The Arts, which is pretty cool."
"That is pretty cool," Aubrey agreed.
"Yeah, they want to meet up and see what I can do to help them out," Beca said.
"Chelsea Bright is gonna do some public speaking type things, but that's not
really me. I was thinking maybe I'd throw a couple of VIP benefit nights. Pick
a venue, DJ the show and get some friends in to help out."
"That would be a very profitable kind of evening," Aubrey said. "We have a few
clients who would probably be interested in attending something like that. So
you guys would be raising money to make sure arts programs are funded in
schools?"
"Yeah," Beca said. "I'm not too up on the specifics just yet. They wanted to
lock me in before we got to the details. What about you though? Anything
interesting you're working on?" Their coffee was delivered to the table.
"A lot of my work is the same as what I do for you," Aubrey said. "Contracts,
business agreements. Mostly corporate, nothing I'm really allowed to talk about
freely. It's not super exciting, but I like it. I'm good at it."
"Do you go to court often?" Beca asked.
"No, just occasionally," Aubrey said. "It's normally when someone contests
something in a contract. But I'm good enough that my contracts are iron clad
and when people contest them, they lose."
"Sounds pretty accurate," Beca said with a smile. The food arrived and they
spent a few minutes eating. Aubrey was practically dying from nerves.
Eventually she had enough and broached the silence herself.
"How are we going to do this, Beca?" she said. "Should I start?"
"If you like," Beca said.
"Well, I want to be honest," Aubrey said. "I hope the fact that we're meeting
here like this means there's something we can work towards. I spoke to my
therapist about this situation at length."
"What did your therapist say, if you don't mind my asking?"
"At first I was concerned that I was pinning too much of my happiness on you,"
Aubrey said. "But a lot of my behavior - which has been patchy around you -
wasn't because I was unhappy with you or you and Billie. It's because you were
the most important part of my old life that I still hadn't reconciled. In a
way, I needed you to know what happened to me, not so you would feel bad, but
so you would know everything there was to know about me. For your benefit and
mine. Before I told you, there was a really big and important part of my life
that was unfinished."
"That makes sense," Beca said. "And as much as I hated hearing about what
happened to you, I'm glad I know. Because it was the last big thing, you know?
I've missed you. Not just that night, but the everything else that we had
before then. Because we were so close. And that was important to me. Apart from
Stacie, there was nobody in the world who was closer to me in the world than
you were, and I loved that about us."
"I want there to be an us like that again," Aubrey continued. "But I'm not an
idiot, I know there's going to be so much we have to overcome. It's going to be
hard."
"I know," Beca said. "I was talking to Stace about this the other night and I'm
going to put it out there as an option that I think would be smart. I think we
should go to therapy together."
"Couples counseling?" Aubrey said. She mulled that over for a moment. "Like
your therapist?"
"No, we'd find an independent third party," Beca said. "I don't see my shrink
much these days. But someone who doesn't have the backstory on just one of us.
Because I don't think it's going to be easy, either. Knowing now what we know
about each other, it's going to change the dynamic compared to what we had back
then."
"Knowing what you know about me, you mean," Aubrey said. "I don't want that to
get in the way of anything."
"It's not in the way you think," Beca said. "Because I want to be able to -
eventually - hold your hand and kiss you and other physical things."
"I'm not damaged, Beca," Aubrey sighed.
"No, but there's a whole mess of things that run through my mind when I think
about that, and I need to figure out how I be with you without seeing what
happened to you," Beca said. "I know that I'm going to unconsciously be on
guard and I need to figure out how to combat that. I don't even know if that
makes sense. I mean, have you… since you and I?"
"No," Aubrey said.
"So are you not afraid that there are going to be things? Triggers?" Beca said.
"Because I am. And I can't stomach the thought of anything I'm doing hurting
you."
"I haven't stumbled upon anything yet," Aubrey admitted. "But that doesn't mean
I never will. But I've prepared for that."
"Which is amazing," Beca said. "But I haven't."
"Couples counseling could be a good idea though," Aubrey said thoughtfully. "It
has been six years, and we're different people than we were then."
"You said you were worried about your happiness depending on me," Beca said
quietly. "I wouldn't say that my happiness depends on you, Aubrey. I've been
happy, I think, these past years. But that doesn't make me wonder if things
can't be better than that, better than just happy. Can I be entirely honest?"
"Please," Aubrey said.
"Because the one night that we had, Bree, that single night - I can say I was
happier on that night than any night since then." Their eyes met, and Beca
could see Aubrey glassing over.
"Me too," she said. Beca's hand reached out and covered hers.
"Aubrey, I can't help but feeling like you and I reconnecting means that we
were supposed to figure this out," she said. "Fate, or some shit like that. I
want us to start again."
"Start again?" Aubrey said. "All the way back to the start? I think that would
be good for us. All the way back to a first date."
"Exactly," Beca said. "We should start with a date, and we should take it slow.
But I want to do this, with you."
"I want it too," Aubrey said with a watery smile. "But can I make a request?"
"Of course," Beca said.
"It's going to sound really stupid," Aubrey said, "Especially after I just
assured you that I'm fine. But I want us to be together, but if we can, I'd
like us to wait… on the physical stuff. It'd be too easy to let that overtake
all the other stuff."
"I'm okay with that," Beca said. "Stacie and I actually talked about that. She
pointed out that our physical was really a culmination of the emotional and if
we got involved like that too soon it would cloud our judgment."
"She's smart," Aubrey said. "So we're saying we want to try again? We're going
to do this?"
"I'm saying that you should let me take you out to dinner on Tuesday," Beca
said.
"I'd really like that," Aubrey said. "I have therapy Monday so I'll ask if she
can refer a couples counselor?"
"That'd be helpful," Beca said. "I know this is going to be hard, but I know
it's going to be worth it." Aubrey picked up her napkin and wiped at her eyes a
little.
"You okay?" Beca asked. Aubrey nodded.
"Yeah, just happy," she replied. "I know this is a lot for you to take in
because you've only had half of the story for so long, and I'm really-"
"Please don't apologise," Beca said. "You will never have to apologise to me
for that."
"Okay," Aubrey said. "But I'm appreciative that you're being rational and
understanding about it. Part of me has really struggled with telling people
because I've been afraid of the reaction."
"My first reaction was that I want to kill your father," Beca said.
"He's already dead," Aubrey said casually. "Mom too. Can't say I miss them.
They refused to take any blame in what happened to me, Beca. Mom tried to reach
out, but I couldn't welcome that back into my life when I'd fought so hard to
beat it the first time."
"It's because you're strong," Beca said with a smile. They ate for a few
minutes more before Beca spoke again.
"I went to see Billie," Beca said. "To apologise. Because I know it wasn't my
intent to hurt her, but that doesn't mean I didn't do it. She's been really
gracious through this whole thing."
"I meant it when I said she seems like a nice person," Aubrey said.
"And I felt bad," Beca said. "Because I was clearly not over you, even though I
thought I was, and that must have sucked for her. But we're going to be okay."
"Should I - you know. Apologise?" Aubrey asked.
"I don't think that's necessary," Beca said. "You didn't actually do anything.
I swear, she's chill, she's just… adjusting." They finished the rest of their
meal and Beca settled the bill.
"So is there a specific time you'd prefer to meet with a counselor?" Aubrey
asked.
"As long as it's after work hours, I'll make the time whenever," Beca said.
"Seriously. I'll move what I have to. And dinner on Tuesday? I'll pick a place
and call you."
"Okay," Aubrey said. They headed outside and Beca walked with her toward where
she had parked her car. Once they reached it there was an awkward pause. "So,
is it too weird to like… hug you? Or too soon?"
Beca just wrapped her arms around the blonde. She held her close for a few
moments, her brain registering how familiar it felt, how familiar it was to
have Aubrey's arms around her and her scent invading her nostrils. Aubrey's
eyes were closed, she was trying to savor this moment for as long as possible.
"I'll call you," Beca whispered, letting her go. Aubrey nodded.
"Thanks for breakfast," she said. Beca waited until she got back into her car
and then she stuck her hands into her pockets and strolled back toward her own
car. She headed home and relayed the events of the morning to Stacie in a phone
call, clearly stating how happy she was that they were going to work it out.
After they were done she went and relaxed in her pool for a while, just taking
a few moments to be content.
As she dried off, she saw a number of texts from Miles. The guy really did go
above and beyond - even on his days off he patrolled social media and Google
alerts with her name. She frowned and read the texts.
Beca - you were snapped hugging a blonde not Billie.
It was followed with a couple of screenshots on his phone that made her sigh.
It was her and Aubrey. It looked like her favorite anonymous brunch spot was
off the list from now on. She opened her browser and took a quick flick through
Google. Yep. Her and Aubrey were making entertainment news. She sent a quick
text to Billie explaining that they were going to have to answer the questions
they'd been putting off so long.
She called Miles and told her to stick to what they'd discussed previously.
Yes, she and Billie had broken up. About six weeks ago, it was by mutual
agreement, no infidelity on anyone's part etcetera.
Then she texted Aubrey with an apologetic message saying they'd been
photographed. Aubrey replied that it was okay and that she'd expected it -
maybe not so soon - but she'd expected it nonetheless. Beca was surprised she
was taking it so calmly, so she called her.
"Hey," she said when the blonde picked up the phone. "You sure you're okay?"
"Yeah," Aubrey said. "Would I have preferred a little more time? Sure. But it's
already happened, and denying it just makes us both look like assholes and
makes Billie look like an idiot."
"Still so rational," Beca said with a sense of nostalgic affection.
"Of course," Aubrey said. "I really am okay. Now, I do have to go, Chloe's
here. We're debriefing."
"Tell her I said hey," Beca said. Aubrey said goodbye and Beca headed back
inside to find some food.
***** Chapter 18 *****
Monday morning had Beca finding that people were still very interested in the
breakup between her and Billie. She spoke with Miles briefly and they drafted a
second statement, though she emailed it to Billie first, asking her if she was
okay with it. It was just a simple, hopefully joint statement reiterating what
they'd already said separately, which would serve to reinforce the message that
there was no bad blood between them.
Miles alerted her to Billie's twitter feed shortly after lunch, meaning it was
late in London. Beca pulled it up on her computer to have a look. Billie was
clearly addressing the many outraged fans that still believed something bad had
happened between them. In a series of tweets she explained that they were still
friends; that they'd been broken up for quite a while, not nearly as recent as
everyone thought, and that she was really not happy with the continued
allegations regarding the matter. Beca smiled, because Billie was not one to
tolerate bullshit. Then she said that anyone who still believed that Beca had
cheated on her was now insinuating the both of them were liars, and that if
that was something they wanted to say they should square up and fight her.
Beca appreciated the other woman's vigorous defense of her character. It meant
a lot to her that Billie would bother. She made sure she favorite the tweets,
and then on her own not-very-regular account, she tweeted 'Billie pretty much
summed it up guys. Let's chill.' Then she opened her email and saw that Billie
had emailed her back saying that she was happy to use that joint statement, and
she would forward it to her own assistant for release as well.
Beca also booked a restaurant for her and Aubrey's first date. She'd had to
think for a long time to try and narrow down a place that wasn't going to be
way too romantic for what they were trying to achieve in going all the way back
to the start, while avoiding press hotspots at the same time. Once she'd
settled on a restaurant she texted Aubrey to let her know what time she'd be
picking her up the following night. The blonde sent a text back with her
address, but more importantly, saying she was looking forward to it. Beca was
looking forward to it, too. They had so much to catch up on, so much to learn,
so much time to fill in.
The one thing she found herself revisiting from their conversation over the
weekend was something she'd said herself. She'd said to Aubrey that she missed
their closeness, and the more she reflected on that statement, the more she
found it to be true. Her and Aubrey had been impossibly close, sharing more
with each other than just about anyone - save for Stacie and Chloe
respectively. And Beca wasn't that close to many people any more, not
personally. She considered herself someone with an adequate number of friends.
But true, close friends, there weren't many of those. Of course, the friendship
is what had been the foundation for everything else. So Beca was hoping they
could start the relationship by trying to rebuild the friendship back to what
it had been.
The next night she pulled up to Aubrey's apartment building in her Camaro
feeling slightly more nervous than she'd expected she'd be. She was carrying a
bouquet of lilies. She had never been the flowers on a first date kind of girl,
but the lilies were Aubrey's favorite and even though they hadn't dated before,
they knew each other well so it wasn't like it would come on too strong. It
wouldn't even be the first time she'd bought lilies for Aubrey.
She headed up to Aubrey's floor and knocked on the door. She heard movement and
took a deep breath, calming her nerves somewhat. When the door swung open to
reveal Aubrey, in a simple dress and heels, she was taken aback for a moment by
how beautiful she was.
"Hi," Aubrey said, snapping Beca out of her momentary stupor.
"Hi," Beca said awkwardly. "You look really beautiful." She held the flowers
out.
"Thank you," Aubrey said. "Come in while I put them in some water." She held
the door open and Beca came inside. She glanced around. It was a nice place.
Felt modern and simple, but instead of feeling cold it felt warm. Aubrey was in
the kitchen filling the bottom of a vase with water and placed the flowers
inside.
"We're good to go," Aubrey said. "You look great too, by the way." Beca led the
way, pausing as Aubrey locked the door behind her. They headed downstairs and
back outside, headed for Beca's car. The smaller woman made sure she opened the
door for Aubrey before heading around to the drivers' side.
"I saw this in your driveway that afternoon," Aubrey said as Beca kicked the
engine over. "It's a hell of a car."
"That it is," Beca agreed. "Apart from the house, it's pretty much the only
thing that I really splurged on."
"Didn't your grandfather used to have a car like this?" Aubrey asked. "I'm sure
you told me that once, and you said that if you ever made it big you were
definitely gonna buy one."
"Yeah," Beca said with a massive grin. "He did. And you said that it wasn't if
I ever made it big, but when I made it big."
"Turns out I was right," Aubrey said with a smile of her own. Beca's fingers
gripped slightly around the steering wheel. She was thankful for that little
exchange dipping back into their history, it was making easing back into this
whole thing a lot simpler.
She pulled up at the French restaurant not long after, it was a nice place, out
of the way and perfect for couples early on in their dating relationships. It
was only around half full when they arrived and were seated by a maître d. He
gave them the wine list and said that a waiter would be with them shortly.
"Are you much of a drinker these days?" Aubrey asked.
"I'm not averse to a beer most days," Beca said. "Scotch on bad days. But not
when I'm driving, so I'll skip the alcohol tonight. What about you?"
"Vodka when it's appropriate, but not much any more," Aubrey said. "I never was
good at handling a hangover."
"So we don't need the wine menu then," Beca said, folding it and laying it to
the side. "How long exactly have you been here in LA?"
"Not even a year," Aubrey said. "I was with another branch of the firm, and
they transferred me here. I like it though. There's more work to do,
definitely, but I also work with some fantastic people."
"So this was like a promotion?"
"Yeah," Aubrey said. "I won a couple of big cases back home. Someone decided
they liked my style and now here I am."
"That's pretty cool," Beca said.
"LA seems to agree with you," Aubrey said.
"It's weird though," Beca said. "Yeah I feel at home out here and stuff, my job
is solid, I've got a good reputation and I don't want for anything. But man,
some parts of this job are alien to me. Like, I know I have to really think
about where I plan dates because of press, but the fact that there are people
out there who are interested in reporting where I go on dates is just insane."
"It is pretty insane," Aubrey said. "And I know that it's probably going to be
a bit tricky for me in terms of dating since it's going to be a brand new
aspect for me."
"That's just something I'll help you read as it happens," Beca said. "I don't
know if I'll ever be used to it." They read through the menu and discussed a
few of the choices, until they settle on their food and gave their orders to
the waiter, who quickly returned with water and poured them a glass each.
"So I did speak to my therapist yesterday," Aubrey said. "She recommended a
couples counselor who she thinks would be a good fit for our situation."
"That's great," Beca said. "I'm free whatever day suits you, Bree. I'm
committed to this, so whatever I need to move to make it happen, I'll do it."
"I'll call in the morning and see when she can fit us in," Aubrey said. "I hope
you don't mind that it's a woman, I feel much more comfortable talking about
that kind of stuff with women for obvious reasons."
"Can I ask you a potentially delicate question?" Beca asked.
"Of course," Aubrey said.
"Are you afraid of men now?" Beca asked. Aubrey's finger traced the rim of her
water glass for a moment.
"No," Aubrey said. "I work for men and with men. But I do still very much
refuse to be vulnerable in front of them. I know it's not particularly healthy,
and it's probably one of the things that has lingered longest after everything
that happened. But I'm aware of it, and it doesn't actually prohibit me from
functioning day to day. So not afraid, precisely. Guarded, yes."
"Sounds like you've talked about that at therapy," Beca observed.
"I have," Aubrey said. "Part of the problem is that I don't actually know many
men socially. Apart from Tom, there really hasn't been anyone in years. But I'm
willing to entertain the presence of men in my life, I just think it's going to
be one of those long term problems." Beca was listening to her speak, she
really was, but she was also caught up in how beautiful Aubrey looked. Even
though the topic at hand wasn't cheerful, and her face was in fact a little
drawn, she was still gorgeous.
"How long have you been back in therapy?" Beca asked.
"Not long," Aubrey said. "I had to call my therapist back home to get a
referral to a doc out here."
"I'd like to hear about that first therapist one day," Beca replied. "It sounds
like she was really instrumental in your recovery."
"She was, and still is," Aubrey said. "Even though I'm not technically her
patient now, she still checks up on me." The waiter delivered their first
course to the table.
"Can I just say again before we get all distracted by the food," Beca said.
"That you look gorgeous and I'm really glad we're going to get through this,
Aubrey." Aubrey blushed a little again, something she'd done for as long as
Beca could remember. It was kind of cute, and just highlighted her already
well-defined cheekbones further.
"Thank you," Aubrey said. "And I am, too. So glad, Beca. And I just want you to
know that pretty soon, even though I've already told you about what happened,
and you've already told me I never have to apologise, I still have so much I
want to say to you. About how I felt then, and how much you meant to me, even
when we had nothing to do with each other."
"I'm ready whenever you are," Beca said, and they briefly turned their
attention to the food. Over the first course and as their plates were cleared,
talk turned to finer detail about what they were doing at work, and what they
liked about LA. Aubrey was still relatively new to the area, and Beca filled
her in on a whole bunch of places that she should check out.
"There's a lot to do here," Beca said. "It's not all clubs and bars and movie
premieres."
"Though that's something you do have to deal with," Aubrey said thoughtfully.
"You know, I never actually congratulated you for all your success, Beca.
You've done so well, really built a career and a reputation. All the hard work
has really paid off and you should be proud of what you have."
"Thank you," Beca said. "I am proud."
"So Stacie is still seeing Billie's best friend?" Aubrey asked. The waiter
brought their mains over.
"James? Yeah, he's a pretty solid guy," Beca said. "It's actually starting to
get kind of serious with them. It's good, Stacie is the kind of person who
deserves the world, you know?"
"I always loved how much you guys love each other," Aubrey said with a smile.
"You've had each other's backs so fiercely since college."
"She's my absolute," Beca said. "My constant. And I'm not saying this to garner
sympathy or to make you feel bad, Bree, but without her there is absolutely no
way I would have made it."
"I'd love to go and see her shop one day," Aubrey said. "Billie looked
incredible at the Echo premiere."
"Stacie knows what looks good on people," Beca agreed. "They just hired another
full timer and a bunch of intern types, after the premiere and the Zoe Saldana
thing, the store just blew up. They couldn't handle all the people that wanted
in on Conrad Wade."
"That's awesome," Aubrey said. "She always was the best dressed person I knew."
"And now she's gonna really need the help because Lilah is pregnant so she'll
be off having babies soon," Beca said.
"Lilah would be the Wade of Conrad Wade?" Aubrey asked for clarification.
"She was a Wade, now she's an Espinosa," Beca said, "But yeah. She's cool. Her
and her husband already have a son named Angus. He's adorable, he's not even a
year old yet."
"Wow, Beca, getting all gooey over kids?" Aubrey said.
"Uh, only when I get to give them back," Beca said. "That hasn't changed since
college, Bree. I'm not interested in kids of my own. Angus is a cutie and all,
but when we're done playing in the pool he goes back to Lilah and Blake and
that's the way I like it. Stace will be all over the kids thing though."
"With James?"
"Maybe," Beca said. "They've said I love you, but they're still kind of early
to be thinking about kids." They made their way through the main and lapsed
into silence. But it wasn't awkward or tense, it was comfortable. They each
caught the other staring at them a few times as they ate. Beca was beginning to
feel all the things she'd felt when she started falling for the blonde the
first time. That rush of hope, that slightly racing heart, that need to be near
her and not have the moment ever end.
Aubrey would have said she felt the same, only she never stopped. She'd had to
force those feelings aside, definitely, but she'd never managed to quash them.
She'd loved Beca for years, wanted her for years, craved her for years. Sitting
across the table from her like this was one of the best feelings she'd
remembered in the past while, save for getting her law degree, passing the bar,
and being released from the wellness facility.
After they finished eating, Beca paid the bill and they made their way outside.
"Do you want to go straight home or would you like to grab some coffee?" Beca
asked.
"Coffee sounds nice," Aubrey said. "Honestly I'm just really enjoying spending
time with you."
"Yeah me too," Beca said. They drove to a cafe and picked up drinks before Beca
drove them to the car park she liked. At first she wondered if that was a bad
idea because she and Billie had parked there more than once. But she
rationalized it by reminding herself that she had been going to that car park
long before Billie and just because they had fooled around there didn't mean
she and Aubrey had to. It was a good place to be away from everything else, and
considering how much talking they had to do, it was kind of perfect. They
didn't get out of the car, just sat inside, Beca transferring her coffee to her
opposite hand so she could take Aubrey's. They were silent for a while, just
appreciating the serenity of the moment.
"Wow," Aubrey said. "It's pretty up here. And quiet."
"It's one of my favorite places in LA," Beca said. "Sometimes when everything
just feels like a bit too much, I come here and just be alone for a while."
"That's very like you," Aubrey said.
"Like me how?" Beca asked, confused.
"Your favorite place in this entire city is a place that completely removes you
from it," Aubrey said. "You've always found it easiest to belong to a place as
long as you could find somewhere to breathe."
"Huh," Beca said. "Like when all of the Bellas were together and I'd disappear
with my laptop somewhere. Or when work starts pissing me off so I work from
home for a few days."
"Yeah," Aubrey said. "You like having your little space."
"I think you might be right about that," Beca said.
"I don't have a space, exactly," Aubrey said. "But my things are hot showers
and the treadmill in the spare room of my apartment. Though normally in the
opposite order."
"You and your hot showers," Beca said. "You'd swear hot showers fixed just
about anything, I remember."
"Hey, I never said they'd fix everything," Aubrey said, "I say they improve
almost everything. Think about it Beca, doesn't matter if you're tired, sick,
angry, upset, a hot shower works wonders."
"I'll admit to that," Beca said. "Though some days trade the hot shower for
jumping in the pool." They talked while they finished up their coffee, and then
Beca figured it was probably time to get Aubrey home since they both had to
work the next day. They were almost back at Aubrey's apartment when the blonde
spoke.
"So, Beca," Aubrey said. "How do you feel about our first date?"
"I think it went pretty well," Beca said, smiling at her. "We're still pretty
comfortable together, which I think is a good thing. Hopefully that's a good
omen for when we start talking about the heavier stuff." She parked the car and
went around to open Aubrey's door for her, taking her hand to walk her back to
her apartment. As they got to her door, Beca could feel her heart speed up.
This was like, kissing territory. And she did want to kiss Aubrey, but she also
didn't want to rush anything, and as much as she would love to kiss Aubrey she
wasn't ready for that tonight. But somehow, Aubrey could sense her worrying,
and calmed her down before she worked herself up.
"It's okay, Beca," she said, squeezing her hand just a little tighter. "We're
taking things slow. You don't have to kiss me, I know that there's going to be
other dates, and a lot of talking. I know most first dates end in a kiss, but
ours doesn't have to. Regardless of whether you kiss me right now, I've still
had an amazing night." Beca just went with what felt comfortable, reached up
and wrapped her arms around Aubrey's neck, holding her close. She felt the
taller woman's arms slide around her waist and they just stayed like that for a
moment.
A long moment. They both felt a consuming kind of calm, just being held by each
other and breathing the familiar smell of the other person in. Beca couldn't
help but compare it to crawling into bed, that feeling of ultimate comfort and
security. But she still, she let her go and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek.
"I'll call you tomorrow and let you know when the doctor can see us," Aubrey
said. "And thank you for tonight, Beca."
"I had a great time, too," Beca said. "We'll talk tomorrow." Beca headed back
down to her car and as she drove home, she reflected on how she felt about the
night. It surely wasn't the kind of first date she'd envisioned with Aubrey six
years ago. But it was a good date.
And, of course, she couldn't help but let her thoughts drift to Billie. Her
date with Aubrey had been very different to her dates with Billie. Neither had
been bad, but with Aubrey the intimacy was already there. She already felt like
things would go a long way with her, provided the therapy worked out. That was
a problem for later in the week, though, and she headed home with a smile on
her face.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Aubrey messaged Beca the following day saying that the therapist could see them
that Thursday evening at six. That suited Beca fine and she called her back.
"Hey," Beca said. "I can make Thursday, that's fine."
"Great," Aubrey said. "I'll send you the address."
"Does she need anything from us beforehand?" Beca asked.
"No, apparently she'd rather hear it all face to face," Aubrey said.
"Okay," Beca said. "Can I take you to dinner after? We can decompress. Unless
you think it might be too heavy."
"No, no, let's go out," Aubrey said. "Maybe we should try and make a point of
having a date straight after almost like a reward for the hard work? And to
remind ourselves of why we're putting this effort in."
"That's a really good idea," Beca said. "We can go out or if we're really wiped
out we can stay in."
"Are you nervous?" Aubrey asked. Beca paused for a moment.
"A little bit," she admitted. "But it's only because I'm prepared to go all in,
leave no stone unturned kind of thing. I can be pretty guarded and I don't want
that to stand in the way with us."
"I'm nervous too," Aubrey said. "But I guess it's okay to be nervous. It's a
pretty big thing for both of us."
"Exactly," Beca said.
"Just promise me," Aubrey said, "that even though we're both probably gonna get
scared and really emotional, that we're going to keep talking about it all,
Beca."
"I will definitely promise you that," Beca said. "I think it'll be the only way
we make it through. Like I said, I can be guarded, but I never really was with
you to begin with."
"I have to go," Aubrey said. "But I'll talk to you soon."
"Sure," Beca said. On Thursday Beca picked Aubrey up for their appointment.
They arrived at the office and made their way inside, Aubrey taking Beca's hand
as they approached the front desk.
"We have a six o'clock with Dr Burman," Aubrey said.
"Just wait in the seats behind me, she'll be out in just a moment," the woman
said. Aubrey and Beca sat close to each other, Beca able to feel the nervous
energy from Aubrey. She reached over and put her hand on Aubrey's knee. Even
that tiny gesture relaxed her and she breathed easier.
"Aubrey and Beca?" a voice came. A woman had appeared from behind a closed
door. "Head inside if you like, I won't be a second." The doctor walked over
and spoke to the receptionist for a moment, presumably sending her home for the
day.
The two women made their way inside, sitting on the comfortable sofa to the
side of the office. The doctor came in a moment later and closed the door
before she sat opposite them. She had a small recorder in her hand.
"Before we begin," she said, "which is which?"
"Aubrey," the blonde said, and then pointed to Beca. "That's Beca." There was a
brief second as the doctor registered just who Beca was, but she didn't say
anything, she just kept going.
"Okay. The recorder is just so I don't have to take notes during your session,
I find it isn't helpful and can be distracting," she said. "But the device
never leaves the office, and every night it gets locked up, so you don't need
to worry about privacy. Which, I would assume, is a concern here?" That last
statement was addressed more to Beca.
"Thanks," Beca said.
"And just so you both know who you're dealing with, I'm Dr Carla Burman, and
I'm both a private practice psychiatrist and a qualified psychologist. I've
been doing this for over fifteen years now, so if you have any questions just
feel free to ask. So why don't you tell me why you're here," she said. Aubrey
took a deep breath, but Beca was the one who began.
"I guess we're trying to see if we can build something together," she said.
"It's more complicated than it sounds, though. We've known each other for quite
a long time, years even, and there was a brief encounter about six years ago.
But things got very messy and it wasn't until only recently that we've begun
talking about everything that was going on."
"So you weren't in communication for six years? What happened?"
"Like she said, it's complicated," Aubrey said. "We've both had therapy
independently so we're dealing with our individual issues, but we're aware that
those issues are going to inform this relationship."
"Sounds like I need a quick history lesson," the doctor said. Aubrey went
first, giving a very brief recount of events. Beca took her hand and held it as
she spoke. Then it was Beca's turn, and she laid out her own issues for the
doctor.
"So the bare bones of it is that I don't think this is an accident," Beca said,
gesturing between the two of them. "And we need help. Because Bree is in
therapy to help her deal with stuff but that doesn't help me with how to deal
with it, stuff like that. We just want to make sure we're doing everything we
can to ensure that this works out."
"Firstly, getting help with something like this is a good idea," the doctor
said. "I can only speak from professional experience but failure to address
things like this tend to foster unhealthy relationships. So kudos to you guys
for that. Secondly, we should probably talk about what you guys think the
problems are going to be."
"Well my biggest problem is that I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her," Beca said.
"She says she's moved past everything that happened to her but that doesn't
stop me worrying. I mean, what if when we - you know, start getting physical -
something happens?"
"And I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her," Aubrey said. "Because I have a lot of
pain in my past but one of the biggest hurts in Beca's life is what I did to
her. Even though she's forgiven me for it, I still can't help but wonder… what
if I hurt her again? I'm scared, because I don't wanna do that to her and I
don't want to be that person."
"Look doc, we're aware this is going to be potentially painful and very messy,"
Beca said. "But we're committed to making this thing work. Because I honestly
know that never in my life have I felt about anyone the way I do about Aubrey.
Yes, I was in a relationship just recently but ultimately she still had the
biggest part of my heart, I was just oblivious to that at the time."
Beca liked the doctor, for a therapist. She listened and only asked a few
questions, letting them get out what they needed to during this introductory
session. Just before it finished, she took over.
"We do have a lot to deal with," she said. "But the important part is covered.
You're both committed to making the relationship work and willing to put the
effort in. Now, if you're both in therapy at the moment -"
"I am but Beca isn't," Aubrey said.
"Do you think I should go back?" Beca asked. "Like, would it be beneficial for
me to have a safe space that was just for me to deal with things?"
"It wouldn't hurt," Dr Burman said. "It would mean that you both had
opportunities to deal with things independently and together. Then these
appointments could just be about you the couple."
"I can do that," Beca said.
"Is weekly going to be enough for you guys?" the doctor asked.
"I think weekly might be okay," Aubrey said. "If we're both seeing our own
therapists as well, that's a lot of couch time."
"And my final question is whether or not you guys want me to get your files
from your own therapists," she said. "Or whether you'd prefer it to be a
completely separate entity."
"Can we play that one by ear?" Beca asked. "Let's leave it for now but if we
come up to things that you need more detail on but we don't want to take up too
much of the sessions here, we can revisit it."
"I'm fine with that," she replied. "We're about out of time for today. So
during the week I do want you guys to talk with each other about some of the
problems you think you're facing and what you might need to get through them.
We can go over it next week. Don't push too hard and start fighting, this is
just about identifying things."
"Thanks doc," Beca said. "Is this a same time kind of deal?"
"Yep," she said. "You two are penciled in weekly on Thursdays at six."
They got up and left the doctor's office, Aubrey taking Beca's hand once they
got outside. Instead of getting into the car straight away, they lingered on
the footpath next to it. Aubrey pulled Beca in and they just held each other
for a few moments.
"You feeling okay?" Aubrey asked.
"Yeah, therapy always makes me tired," Beca said. "The introvert in me gets
exhausted by having to share so much."
"Me too," Aubrey said. "Can we skip going out and stay in? I want to be with
you but I don't want to be out."
"Yeah I was going to suggest the same thing," Beca asked. "Why don't we pick up
some food and head to yours? We're closer to yours than mine."
"There's a good burger place on the other side of my block," Aubrey said. "Or
we can-"
"Burgers are always good," Beca said. She pulled the door open for Aubrey and
let her get into the car, before getting in and driving toward Aubrey's place.
They decided to park at hers and walk to get the food. Aubrey navigated them to
the burger place. Beca had seen it before but never been in. She followed
Aubrey to the counter and they ordered, Aubrey adding a six pack of buffalo
wings at the last second.
"The burgers here a pretty good," she said, "but the buffalo wings are
spectacular. I could eat fifty of them with no regrets." They waited for their
orders and walked back to Aubrey's apartment.
Beca rated the burgers as good - not as good as Dirty Burger, but still
impressive. But Aubrey had been right about the buffalo wings - they were tangy
and sticky and hot and Beca was about ready to go back and order more. She made
a mental note to come back for some with Stacie sometime.
They talked while they ate; the therapy session hadn't been particularly
grueling but it was only the first one and their was plenty of progress to be
made yet. They made plans to see each other again the next night - Beca had to
be out at a club and even though she made it clear that Aubrey didn't have to
come with her if she preferred to stay low key, the blonde was adamant that she
would.
"I just want to be with you," she said simply. "I honestly don't care how many
people take my picture now, as long as you're there, it's somewhere I want to
be." Beca had kissed her on the cheek, her lips lingering for a moment, and
that led to a brief awkward moment of silence from her.
"Talk to me," Aubrey said. "What's wrong?" She pulled Beca toward her and
grabbed her hand.
"I know I keep saying I want to take things slow," Beca said, "but I'm not very
good at that. And I kind of worry about kissing you. Not, like, on the cheek
like I just did. But really kissing you."
"Worry how?"
"Because I want to, but I know what that's going to unleash in me," Beca said.
"You know I'm much better at showing how I feel than saying it and if I kiss
you Aubrey, I'm going to find myself in way over my head. I don't trust myself
with you. You were always my weak spot."
"So I can help you out with that," Aubrey said. "Because you've also always had
the utmost respect for me and what I've wanted. Whenever I've said no, even
when you didn't like that, you still respected it. So I can only assume that if
I say no to you, you'll do the same now."
"That will help me," Beca said. "Thank you."
"But do you really not trust yourself with me?" Aubrey asked.
"We had our first date only a couple of days ago," Beca confessed, "and I found
myself feeling the exact same way I used to, Aubrey. The same way I felt over
six years ago when I was this smitten little college kid just infatuated with
you. It's hard to not want to ride that feeling."
"I felt that the first time I saw you sitting across from me at that work
thing," Aubrey said.
"Really?" Beca said. Aubrey let out a sigh.
"I don't think you understand me fully when I say I have never stopped loving
you," Aubrey said. "Every second of every day it was enough for me that I got
to love you like that even just the once. A lot of the time it was the thing I
held onto to help me believe that things could actually be good in my life. The
fact that you're willing to try again with me... I can't even-" she was
actually overcome with emotion and Beca half crawled into her lap so she could
wrap her arms around her.
Aubrey just clung to her for a moment, and Beca was happy to hold her. They'd
done this so many times before, just been entwined on a couch, and this time
felt just as comfortable and familiar as every time before, even if Aubrey was
crying.
"Thank you for giving me this second chance, Beca," Aubrey whispered.
"Bree, I don't know who wouldn't hear everything you've been through... It's
not even that I'm giving you a second chance," Beca said. "I think this is us
finally getting the first chance we should have had all along." Aubrey nodded
and Beca reached up to wipe the evidence of Aubrey's tears from her cheek. The
blonde rested her forehead on the smaller woman's for a moment.
"It's been a big day," Aubrey said shakily.
"It has," Beca said. "And it's probably an appropriate time for me to go, but
I'll call you in the morning, okay?"
"Yeah that's not a bad idea," Aubrey said. But she held on for a moment longer.
She let Beca get up and the two of them quickly tidied up after their dinner.
Again Beca kissed her on the cheek, not wanting to push the physical component
of their relationship before she was ready. Aubrey let her fingers tangle with
Beca's as she was leaving, and watched as she walked back down the hall.
She went back into her apartment and took a hot shower before getting herself
prepared for the next day. She assembled her clothes for the morning and
ensured everything was in her briefcase ready to go. She had always been a
creature of habit, ever since she was a kid. It was like she clung to her
routines because they were something she could actually control, unlike
everything else that happened in her life.
It was something she had identified early in her therapy. And it could be
potentially harmful if it was something she ignored or wasn't careful with. She
had to learn to relax her routines when life dictated it and she'd been
handling that so far - she'd been doing okay until Beca came along again.
If she was being honest with herself, she was scared. Because Beca had derailed
her, thrown her orbit completely out of whack. It was hard to admit that even
with all of her hard work, she was still the one thing that could tear her
apart. Her first therapy session after she'd gotten totaled and confessed
everything to Chloe had been horrible. It had been the worst week she
remembered since she'd been released - she'd all but convinced herself that she
was worthless because she couldn't be happy without Beca.
It had been a struggle to get back to a positive place after that, and a
frequent conversation she had with her therapist was whether it was okay to
even continue to think of Beca as someone she loved like that. In the end the
therapist helped her see that it was okay to hang on to Beca and how she felt
about her, but she couldn't let it continue to swallow parts of her life like
it had. That had been hard. She'd make a little progress, and she really didn't
mind seeing Billie and Beca flashed all over the news. But seeing Beca in
person, it always triggered something in her, left her reeling like she could
suddenly feel her, smell her, in the way she had on that one night. She made a
decision to bring it up with her own therapist at her next appointment because
even though she'd told Beca she'd try to keep her from caving in to old habits,
there was a very real danger she'd be the one caving.
As she got into bed, she tugged her journal out of her nightstand to jot down a
few notes before bed. She scrawled a few things down to bring up with her own
therapist, and a few things to talk about with Dr Burman the following week.
Across town, Beca was just getting home and heading for her studio. It was
always where she thought best, and she wanted to process the therapy session on
her own. First she shot a text to Aubrey to let her know that she was home,
then she tugged a notepad from the stack on the shelf next to her couch and
flopped down into it, scrawling whatever came to mind.
She read back over what she had written after a while and realised that she was
afraid of how Aubrey made her feel. She'd already kind of alluded to it out
loud, but she needed a minute to process it in more depth. She felt a little
stupid, if she was honest. Because the second she and Aubrey had cleared the
air, the first thing she'd done was jump straight back into a relationship with
her. And her heart said absolutely that it was the right thing to do - so did
most of her head for that matter, but there was this nagging little voice
inside her that said it was only going to be a spectacular trainwreck and it
would do nothing but destroy them both.
She set a reminder in her phone to call her own therapist and see if she could
get in sometime soon to start talking about all of the things that had happened
recently. Then she turned her attention back to the notebook. As she kept
writing, she couldn't help but feel like not saying the stuff she was writing
down to Aubrey was a lie. She'd literally just promised her that she'd talk to
her about what was happening no matter what. She sighed and picked up her
cellphone, waging a quick war with herself over whether it was too late to call
Aubrey. In the end, her desire to be honest won out and she dialed.
"Hello?" Aubrey said.
"Hey," Beca said. "Is it too late to be calling?"
"No," Aubrey said. "I was just going over stuff after therapy."
"Yeah, about that," Beca said. "I made you a promise."
"Which one?"
"The one where I promise that no matter what comes up I keep communicating with
you," Beca said. "And I'm sitting here looking at a page of all the reasons I'm
afraid, Aubrey, and I haven't told you just how deep that goes."
"You've already told me that you're scared we might run into something with the
physical things, when we get around to that," Aubrey said.
"It's not the physical stuff," Beca replied. "It's the other stuff."
"So talk to me," Aubrey said. "Tell me what you're feeling."
"I don't want to get into all the details with you over the phone," Beca said.
"And I know that we have to go out tomorrow night, so I'm hoping that on
Saturday we can sit down so I can get some of this off of my chest, and if you
have anything you need to talk about, you can do that too."
"Should I be worried?" Aubrey asked. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"No, Aubrey, no," Beca said. "I'm more worried about my own ability to handle
the huge emotional impact you've always had on me. But I want you, Aubrey, I
want us."
"Okay," Aubrey said. "I'm glad you called. Because it's okay to be scared."
"I know," Beca said. "But I want to tell you about it, keep my word."
"You will," she said. "Get some sleep, I'll see you tomorrow, wearing something
super hot to help you get through the mind numbing night of small talk."
"Now that is a promise I like," Beca said. "Thanks, Aubrey. I feel a bit
better. I just felt like such a fraud not telling you just how scared I really
am."
"God I want to be there with you," Aubrey said. "I just want to hold you. Is
that weird?"
"No, that sounds like heaven," Beca replied. "But I'll settle for seeing you
tomorrow." She hung up and felt better, but she also wanted to make sure she
could clearly get down what she wanted to so she could explain it all to
Aubrey, so she spent over an hour scribbling more thoughts down before she
finally headed to bed.
***** Chapter 20 *****
When Aubrey arrived to meet Beca at the club, the brunette was helpless to do
anything but stare at her. She was wearing a short and just-the-right-amount-
of-tight blue dress, her hair left loose but straightened. She looked like a
million bucks and could easily put any of the celebrities in the room to shame.
"Wow," Beca said as she approached. "You look… incredible." She got up and
pulled the chair for her to take a seat, introducing her to the people sitting
around the crowded table. All work connections of Beca's, though she didn't
catch most of their names due to the noise of the music and crowd.
They didn't have to stay long that particular night. Beca wasn't on book to DJ,
it was more one of the few occasions where she was required just to be seen out
and about with certain people. Fortunately for her, they were people she liked.
They seemed to embrace Aubrey without question as well, and the blonde held her
own just fine with them.
Beca spent the night with her hand resting on the small of Aubrey's back,
making idle chitchat with Jenna and Miles and some of the other label folk. She
made sure Aubrey didn't want for anything, including her attention, the entire
night. More than once she leaned over to whisper a thanks for coming into her
ear. Aubrey was just happy to be with her, to be this close to her and to feel
something like the way she used to with Beca.
She hadn't taken a car service that night, she'd driven her own car so that she
could beg off going hard on the alcohol. So when an appropriate amount of time
passed, Beca escorted Aubrey out back to her car. Instead of going straight to
her place they grabbed some coffee and went to sit at Beca's lookout. She
offered her jacket to Aubrey, slinging the leather around her shoulders so she
wouldn't get cold. It was a warm night, but that dress wasn't covering much,
despite how fantastic it looked on.
"You look really incredible tonight," Beca said. "I think it's the first time
I've seen you dressed up like that since... God, probably Stacie's birthday six
years ago? But yeah, that dress is wow."
"Thank you," Aubrey said shyly.
"I know tomorrow we were planning on sitting down and talking about stuff,"
Beca said. "But if it's okay the first thing I want to talk about is me kissing
you."
"You don't have to ask permission to kiss me," Aubrey said.
"I know," Beca said. "But it's pretty clear that I'm a little scared of making
that move." Aubrey's free hand found hers.
"What are you scared of?"
"What happens after I kiss you," Beca said. "Because I have this feeling like
I'm just going to lose myself in you all over again. And I've spent a lot of
time trying to be stronger than that but you, Bree..."
"I think you're stronger than you give yourself credit for," Aubrey said. "And
back then, I was happy to let yourself lose yourself in me. I kind of thrived
on it. But I'm not that person anymore. At the risk of sounding very therapy
right now, I have a very clear sense of personhood that I didn't have then. So
when you say you worry about losing yourself in me, it's going to help that I
know where I end and you begin. I can help draw that line for you."
"That's actually very helpful," Beca said. "You've had some good therapy."
"But what about the other stuff?" Aubrey asked.
"Everything else can wait until tomorrow. It was just the one thing I wanted to
clear up tonight," Beca said. "Because I so want to kiss you. I know we're
going slow, but surely a couple of weeks before a first kiss is enough?"
"As long as you're sure," Aubrey said. Beca smiled at her.
"Yeah, Aubrey, I am sure," she said. Her hand found the side of Aubrey's face
and cupped it softly. Aubrey's eyes were locked on hers and she felt her breath
hitch just seeing the emotion in them. She could hear her heart beating inside
her ears.
She let her lips press to Aubrey's softly and instantly she flew back to six
years ago. Not the heartbreak, not the devastation at waking up alone. It was
the feeling of euphoria when she'd kissed Aubrey that first time. That herd of
wild horses rushing through her and trying to burst out of her chest, that
dizzy, intoxicating feeling that slid down her spine and left her shivering in
its wake.
And it was just their lips touching for a few seconds.
When Aubrey kissed her a little harder it was like she was free falling - not
from a cliff but the adrenaline laced jolt like riding a rollercoaster. As
their tongues met it was like a live wire had lit her up from the inside out.
And then she felt Aubrey's fingers gently carding through her hair and the
simple action was enough to ground her, to stop her floating away. The blonde
pulled back and spoke softly to her.
"You still with me?" she asked. Beca's eyes were closed and her head was
slightly bowed. She opened her eyes and looked up.
"Yeah," she said. "I'm still with you." She kissed her gently once more before
she declared it time to head home. Aubrey could tell Beca was thinking things
over as she drove, so she didn't break the silence with pointless chatter. Beca
walked her to the door when they got to her place.
"Are you okay?" Aubrey asked. Beca nodded and reached up to tuck Aubrey's hair
behind her ear.
"I am," she said. "I know I got quiet. Just savouring the moment and thinking.
I promise you have nothing to worry about."
"Okay," Aubrey said. "We're still on for lunch?"
"Yeah, I'll meet you there," Beca said. Aubrey stripped the jacket off and
handed it back to her.
"Thank you for your jacket," she said. Beca just leaned up and kissed her
again.
"Goodnight, Bree," she said, leaving her at the doorway and heading home. Once
she got home, she shot a look at the clock and figured it wouldn't be the
latest time she'd ever called Stacie. But she didn't want to interrupt. She
knew that Stacie and James were spending a lot of time together and that most
of it was nights after Stacie was done at the shop. So she didn't call. She
could do that in the morning. Instead she crawled into bed with a smile on her
face.
When she woke the next morning she texted Stacie to call when she was awake.
Then she jumped in the shower, getting out to see that Stacie had already
called and left a text saying she was free. She wrapped the towel around
herself and sat on the bed, calling her best friend back.
"Hey," she said. "What's been going on, nerd?"
"Not much," Stacie replied. "Just plenty of work. Lilah hasn't been coping the
greatest in the mornings, so she tends to rock up about lunchtime. But the new
guy, Eli? He's doing some good shit here. Really saving our ass."
"Lilah okay?"
"Yeah, generally," Stacie said. "Everything's fine with the baby, it's just
this time around the morning sickness is kicking her ass. She apparently spends
an hour puking between ten and eleven every day, which sounds delightful."
"Sign me up for never having kids," Beca said.
"So Eli and I open up at about nine, Lilah shows up at ten, we send Eli home at
five, Lilah leaves at five too, because I don't want her having to stress about
work while she's pregnant and I generally get one of the associates to hang out
til around six thirty and help me with the paperwork and shit," Stacie said.
"Then it's normally off to see James. But enough about me, you and Bree. Tell
me what's going on there."
"Well I kissed her for the first time yesterday," Beca said.
"What?" Stacie said. "It took you two weeks?"
"Yes," Beca said. "Every time we got ourselves into some position that felt
like there was kissing about to incur, I'd start worrying. Because I didn't
want to kiss her and let all our rules just fly out the window."
"Ah," Stacie said. "Figures. And how was it?"
"Better than I remembered it being," Beca confessed. "And I thought it was
great back then, but man, I don't know if it's a side effect of the emotional
stuff, but the kissing was fucking awesome."
"You didn't sleep with her, did you?" Stacie asked.
"No, Stace, I didn't," Beca said. "Promise, that's not happening for a while.
We need some therapy and shit first. Anyway, if you're not super busy later we
should eat things."
"Burger type things or steak type things?" Stacie asked.
"Steak," Beca said. "I'm going to meet Bree for lunch very soon, but text me in
a couple of hours and we'll sort something out."
"For sure," Stacie said. "James is working today with no estimated finish
time."
"Sweet," Beca said. They hung up and Beca tugged on and old and worn pair of
jeans. She began rifling through her drawers to pull out a shirt to wear, when
she found herself holding Billie's shirt in her hand. She'd forgotten she even
had the Dodgers tank. She made a mental note to give it to Stacie to return to
her and pulled out a different shirt to wear. Then she hurriedly tossed her
hair back, applying only the minimum amount of makeup, before tugging her
almost-dead Converse on and getting into the car.
They'd decided to meet up for lunch at a woodfired pizza place. Aubrey said she
and Chloe went there a lot. Beca had seen it a few times but never been inside.
It was nice, she surmised as she looked around the place. She spotted Aubrey
sitting along the far wall and made her way over. The blonde got up and kissed
her hello.
"Hey," she said as Beca slid into the booth so she was sitting next to her.
"Hey," Beca said. She noticed a light tinge of color on Aubrey's cheeks.
"What?"
"You look really good," Aubrey said appreciatively.
"I'm wearing my oldest shoes, jeans and a t-shirt," Beca said, confused.
"Yeah, but you look great," Aubrey said. "You look more comfortable and relaxed
right now than any other time I've seen you, and it just makes you all the more
attractive." Beca just leaned in and left a soft peck on her lips.
"Thank you," she said. "And you look beautiful as always." They took a moment
to peruse the menu.
"What's good here?" Beca asked.
"Everything," Aubrey said. "But they're huge. Chloe and I would never finish
one each, we always split one."
"Then we'll do that," Beca said. "I'm feeling anything, I didn't eat
breakfast."
"Old habits die hard, huh?" Aubrey grinned.
"Yep. I don't eat breakfast very often," she said. "Actually I ate it pretty
regularly when I was in St Lucia, but I suspect that had more to do with how
insanely delicious that food was."
"What about a vegetarian-" Aubrey began.
"Vegetarian?" Beca asked.
"Let me finish," she said. "We'll take off the olives and put bacon on
instead."
"Deal," Beca agreed. "And let's get some bruschetta too."
"Drinks?" Aubrey asked.
"Just water," Beca said. They waited until someone came over to take their
order before they began talking about more serious matters.
"I wanted to see how you felt after last night," Aubrey said. "Because after we
kissed you got kind of quiet and I know you said I didn't have to worry about
anything, but I wanted to make sure everything was okay. That you didn't wake
up this morning and wish you hadn't done it."
"No, nothing like that," Beca said. "I kissed you and it was like… Everything I
felt for you back then was right there, at my fingertips. Man, it was amazing.
And I didn't want to say or do something stupid that was going to ruin that
feeling."
"Oh, that's good," Aubrey said, sounding a little relieved. "I mean, I loved it
too. Honestly, I'd always wondered if I'd get to kiss you again." She felt
Beca's fingers interlace with hers and they paused for a moment.
"Anyway," Aubrey said. "You said on the phone the other night that you're
afraid?" Beca cleared her throat and took a drink of water.
"Yeah," she said. "So after therapy I went and sat down in the studio to try
and get some thoughts articulated. About things we should talk about with
Burman, about things I should talk to my own doc about. And I've actually
realised that I'm a little bit scared of the magnitude of what we're doing
here."
"In what sense?" Beca took a deep breath.
"I'm still not very good about getting these things out," Beca said. "But you
always knew me better than anyone so hopefully it makes sense to you. This is a
make or break kind of relationship, for me, Aubrey. I feel it. We're either
going to make it and it's going to be blissful and wonderful and incredible and
all these other things. That's what I want. Seriously. I realize that it's
incredibly soon to be talking things like that, but in the interest of being
honest…"
"Keep going," Aubrey said. Her thumb was moving along the back of Beca's hand
in a reassuring manner. She focused on that for a beat before she moved on.
"If this doesn't work," she said, voice wavering a little, "I don't think I can
do it again. If I can't make it work with you, Aubrey, with the person who I
consider to be the one true love I've ever known, then I'm not going to be able
to make it work with anyone. And I hate how much pressure that puts on us, and
you, and that's why I'm scared. You should run a mile, because I've basically
just told you that if you ever break up with me I'm never dating again." She
looked down. She did feel marginally better having said that, but she also
hated herself for throwing so much weight onto Aubrey's back with no warning.
But Aubrey didn't pull her hand away, didn't flinch, not for a second.
"Beca," she said. "Look at me." Beca looked up into Aubrey's gorgeous eyes.
"I've always known that it's you or nothing for me," she said. "I couldn't even
try to think about dating anyone in the past six years, because the only person
I've wanted to date was you. You've been that person for me for as long as I
can remember. And if this reconnection had never happened, I would have lived
the rest of my life knowing that the one night we spent together was perfect
but that I'd never know that again. It wouldn't be possible, not with the way I
felt about you then. The way I feel about you now."
"Surely that can't be a good thing, though," Beca said. "That you and I are so
hell bent on each other."
"Maybe we just know that there's nobody better out there for us," Aubrey
countered. "Maybe because we've already known that love, even if it was just
for a second, we know there's nothing that's going to be able to compare to
that."
"I really hope so," Beca whispered. Their food was delivered to their table at
that exact moment, so Beca awkwardly averted her eyes so that the waiter didn't
see her almost-crying. Aubrey thanked him and then turned to the smaller woman
next to her. She simply pressed a kiss to her forehead, hand still tightly
holding hers.
"Is there anything else?" she asked.
"That's the big thing," Beca said. "And I do feel better now that I've told
you, but it's still kind of terrifying."
"It is," Aubrey agreed. "But if we keep talking, keep being honest with each
other, there's no reason why terrifying should worry us." Beca nodded and let
her have her hand back so they could eat the pizza. They slipped out of the
serious mode they'd found themselves in and chatted while they ate. It was a
good meal, and they slipped easily into date mode.
"Can I ask you something?" Aubrey asked. "Kind of a favor, almost?"
"Sure," Beca said, putting down the remnant of her last slice. She was stuffed.
"I love going on dates with you," Aubrey said. "I love being out with you and
being the one across the table, all that stuff. But I really miss the closeness
we had when we were doing nothing. Can we try and find some time just to
hangout? No pressure about what to wear or where to eat, just us and relaxing
and being together?" Beca smiled widely.
"I would love that," she said. "Seriously. I'm just as much of a homebody now
as I was then. What are your plans for this afternoon?"
"Nothing really," Aubrey said.
"I do have plans with Stacie for dinner," Beca said, "But if you want to come
and hang out for a couple of hours on my couch, we can totally do that."
"I'd like that," Aubrey said. They didn't linger, just paid the check and
Aubrey followed Beca to her place.
"Kick off your shoes, get comfortable," Beca said. "I'll put coffee on, you
choose something to watch." Aubrey nodded and slid her feet out of her sandals.
She located the remote for the television and flicked it on. It was sheer
chance that there was an episode of Greys Anatomy on. It was one of the shows
they watched regularly before. And Beca must have remembered, too, because when
she came out with the coffee and saw what was on, she smiled from ear to ear.
"I don't know what it says about the state of television that this show is even
still airing," Beca said dryly. But she didn't complain, she just took her seat
close to Aubrey.
Once they'd finished the coffee, they gravitated toward one another, falling
into familiar positions. Beca's legs were tucked up on the couch and Aubrey was
leaning against her. Their hands were loosely entwined somewhere in Aubrey's
lap, simply playing with one another's fingers. It felt right, and comfortable
and it felt good.
"This feels nice," Beca said, relaxing further. "Good suggestion."
"It does," Aubrey agreed. "What time are you meeting Stacie?"
"She'll text me a bit later, we're going to eat steak," Beca said. "That's why
you'll find I caved so easily on the vegetarian pizza. What are your plans for
the night?"
"I have a little work I need to take care of, but Chloe's coming over," she
said. "Tom is working tonight and she normally comes over for a glass of wine
and some catch up."
"When will I see you again?"
"Whenever you like," Aubrey said. "Apart from therapy I don't actually have
anything on this week."
"Awesome," Beca said. "I think I'm pretty open as well. Although at some point
in the next couple of weeks I do need to see Chelsea Bright about a
fundraiser."
"I thought you were waiting for them to come to you," Aubrey said, remembering
her talking about the Save The Arts campaign.
"I was," Beca said. "But I also want to be a little proactive. Chelsea and I
know a lot of people that wouldn't mind helping out with this cause. If we can
toss around a couple of ideas, I can at least prove to these guys I've thought
about it."
"That's smart," Aubrey said. They lapsed back into silence and Beca removed her
hand from Aubrey's to move to the back of her head. Her fingers gently stroked
the hair at the back of her neck, and to Aubrey it felt like heaven. She could
feel herself drifting off to sleep when Beca's phone rang. It jolted her awake
and Beca dug it out of her jeans to talk to Stacie.
"Hello?" Beca said.
"Hey," Stacie said. "What's the plan?"
"Well, Aubrey's here right now," Beca said.
"Want me to give you two some space?" Stacie asked.
"No dude, I've barely seen you this week," Beca said.
"Well does she want to come eat with us?" Stacie said. "We're going to have to
start hanging out again anyway."
"I know she and Chlo were planning on hanging out but I'll ask, hang on," Beca
said. "Bree? Stace wants to know if you guys wanna come eat steak with us.
Start hanging out again."
"Uh, sounds good," Aubrey said. "I'll text Chloe and let her know, but she'd
just end up eating toast or popcorn or something on her own anyway." She picked
up her phone and texted her best friend as the others set up the plans for
dinner later. Once they'd finished their respective voice and text
conversations, they resumed their previous positions, Beca stroking Aubrey's
hair as she fell into a semi-doze, both of them enjoying the quietness and
intimacy with each other that they'd missed for so long.
***** Chapter 21 *****
Dinner ended up being really nice. It felt comfortable and familiar, like
something they would have done back in college before Chloe went off to med
school. They ended up talking late, much later than any of the four of them had
expected.
Afterward, Aubrey got a ride to Beca's so she could pick up her car. It was
much too late for coming in for coffee or a drink, so Beca left her at her car
door with a soft kiss and a plan to hang out the next evening after she'd
finished at therapy.
As the weeks went on, Beca began to see just how helpful all the therapy was,
not just for them as a couple, but for herself personally. She was very
reserved before, only with Stacie did she ever truly let her guard down. But
after some long weeks of talking to her shrink about people's motives and her
distrust of people, she was learning how to be more giving of herself. Not her
money or material stuff, she still didn't really give a crap about that. But
she was forging much more genuine and meaningful relationships with everyone
around her, including people she'd known well for a number of years.
Therapy with Aubrey was really helping, too. They were communicating freely and
openly about everything that had happened in the past six years, and about the
way they felt now. They were getting to the point where they were as close as
they were six years ago.
They still hadn't pushed things any further physically. There was still
kissing, and they spent a lot of time cuddled up together on their couches when
they were hanging out, but as for more than that they were still wary. It was
something that they talked about in therapy, because Beca still had an
undercurrent of worry that she'd inadvertently do something that would hurt
Aubrey somehow. It was easily the biggest roadblock in their physical
relationship.
Aubrey couldn't be mad at Beca over it. She was only worried because she cared
about her. And as much as she could assure Beca that everything was going to be
okay, she knew it wasn't going to be that easy. Beca would still worry. So she
was happy to talk about it as often as they needed to so they could move past
it together. They were still making sure they spent time together straight
after their therapy sessions and it was these dates that they both enjoyed the
most.
It was never anything fancy - they'd end up grabbing some type of takeout and
heading back to one of their houses. They'd eat with little chatter, and then
just curl up quietly together watching Grey's Anatomy. There was no need to add
to the talking about heavier issues, they only occasionally commented on what
was happening on the screen. It was enough that they were together, close to
one another.
All being said, Beca was feeling really good about herself. It had been a long
time since she was this content. She was beginning to think about talking with
Aubrey about progressing things in their relationship.
She was sitting in her kitchen one afternoon when she received an email from an
unknown sender. She clicked on it and was immediately filled with rage. It was
from someone she had not expected to hear from ever again - her father.
It seemed that her stepmother was sick. The kind of sick that he couldn't
afford to treat, so he was asking Beca to foot the bill. It made Beca seethe
just to read the words. He wanted her to foot the bill for a woman who had
treated her as an inconvenience, as a disgrace, as a piece of literal garbage.
A woman who had called her filthy things and avowed that she would actively
pray against her success and happiness. A woman who had turned her father into
a man who was also espousing the same things.
The further she read, the angrier she got. Because the closing paragraph was a
nice little promise that if she declined, he would go to every news outlet he
could and tell them that the rich and famous Beca Mitchell was happy to let her
own stepmother die. That woman was no more a mother to Beca than a complete
stranger.
She felt like she was being backed into a corner and she hated it. When her
father had disowned her, she'd gone about the rest of her life asking nothing
of him. But here he was. She needed to get out and clear her head.
Jumping into her car, she drove out to her carpark, annoyingly finding that it
wasn't empty as it usually was. The beach below had a decent swell breaking so
it was half full of salt encrusted surfers cars. Instead she headed to a bar,
hoping a drink would make her feel better.
Much later that night, Aubrey was going over some case files when she heard her
cell ring. She saw that it was Beca and picked it up.
"Is this Aubrey?" came a voice that was distinctly not Beca's.
"Yes. Who is this?"
"This is Billie West. I know it's extremely weird that I'm calling, but Beca
needs someone and I can't get a hold of Stacie."
"What's wrong?" she said, immediately fearing the worst.
"She's really drunk. Something about an email from her dad and she just started
drinking and didn't stop," the woman said. "Sorry, I just realized that it
might be hard to hear from me."
"No not at all, I appreciate it," Aubrey replied. "Where is she?"
"McMahons," Billie said. "I ran into her by chance and I don't want to leave
her here like this. She's... Not good."
"I can be there in half an hour," Aubrey said. "Thanks for calling me." Aubrey
got up and threw some shoes on and headed for the bar. When she got there, she
saw Billie sitting next to Beca, rubbing her back comfortingly. Beca was
leaning on the table, crying silently.
"Billie?" Aubrey asked. The woman nodded and got up.
"Thanks for coming," she said. "The crying has been going about ten minutes."
Aubrey took the seat next to her and lifted Beca's arm.
"Beca?" she said softly. "Becs, it's Bree." The brunette looked up and threw
herself into the blonde's arms.
"Bree!" she said. "You came." Billie mouthed that she was going to go and
Aubrey mouthed thank you as she left.
"Of course I came," she said. "Come on, I'll take you home."
"Tab at the bar," Beca said. "I'm really drunk, Bree."
"I know." She tugged the girl to her feet and supported her as they walked
toward the barman. "Can I settle her tab?"
"Yeah," the guy said. "And don't worry, nobody got photos or anything in here,
I don't allow that shit in my bar."
"Thanks," Aubrey said, pulling out her credit card. "Add fifty for your trouble
as well."
"You sure?" Aubrey nodded and readjusted her grip on the smaller girl. She
signed the slip one handed. The barman handed her a bottle of water.
"This looks like it'll hurt tomorrow, better start hydrating her now." She knew
Beca's car was important to her and if she left it here in the middle of the
city it'd be way more likely to draw attention than hers. So she took Beca's
keys from her and wrangled the other woman into the passenger seat.
She drove them back to the house, where she led Beca into the house and up to
the bedroom. She struggled getting Beca's boots and jeans off but won out, and
situated the smaller girl in bed. Beca was sitting upright and moved to kiss
Aubrey.
"Bree, baby I love you," she slurred. "Come to bed." She tried to kiss Aubrey
again, but the blonde pulled away.
"I can't," she said. "Beca - you don't want this. You're just really drunk and
I'm not going to take advantage of you."
"Come on," Beca said, trying to pull her in again. "It'll make me feel better."
Aubrey stood up.
"No," she said again. "I'm not going to throw away everything we've been
working on. I do love you, but right now you need sleep, okay? We'll talk in
the morning."
"I don't want you to go," Beca said. "Don't go, Bree, don't leave me again."
The blonde turned at those words, and spoke quietly.
"I'll stay," Aubrey said. "I'll sit right next to you til you fall asleep but
then I'm going to find your spare room and sleep there." Beca scooted over and
Aubrey sat on the bed, shifting some pillows around so she was comfortable.
Beca reached out for her hand and clutched it tightly, and Aubrey squeezed hers
in response. She let her head fall back against the headboard while she waited
for Beca to fall asleep.
Stacie arrived early the next morning. She'd gotten Billie's messages
eventually and called her. Billie had let her know Aubrey had come and picked
her up, but now she figured Beca would need breakfast, Advil and someone to
talk to. She let herself in and made her way upstairs to Beca's room. She
opened the door and was intrigued by the scene before her.
Beca was asleep, snoring in that way drunk people seem to do. But she was
holding very tightly to Aubrey's hand. Aubrey, who was also asleep, but fully
dressed save for shoes, sitting on top of the blankets and sleeping sitting up.
It looked incredibly uncomfortable. She closed the door and went back
downstairs. She set the coffee maker going and waited.
Aubrey stirred. She was sure she had just heard doors opening and closing. She
sat up and grimaced, feeling a pain in her neck. Then she realized she must
have fallen asleep sitting next to Beca. She carefully removed her hand from
the other girls grip and found the bathroom. After she washed up, she smelled
coffee. A little apprehensively, she made her way downstairs, breathing a sigh
of relief when she saw it was Stacie.
"Good morning," Stacie said. "Coffee?"
"Thank you," Aubrey said, twisting her neck. Stacie handed her a cup. "Did I
imagine you opening Beca's bedroom door?"
"No that happened. I didn't know you were here," Stacie said. "What happened
last night?"
"Billie West called me at like ten pm. Beca got an email from her dad or
something, she was really drunk in a bar and she wanted to know if I could come
get her. So I did. Brought her here, got her in to bed."
"Nothing happened?"
"She tried to kiss me a few times, wanted me to sleep with her. But I couldn't
do it. She was plastered and I know that she doesn't really want that. We've
been working really hard at establishing some trust here and sleeping with her
knowing she was that drunk would ruin everything," Aubrey said. "But then she
said she didn't want me to leave her again so I told her I'd wait til she fell
asleep and then go sleep in the guest room. But my neck tells me I fell asleep
sitting against her headboard."
"And that's how I found you this morning," Stacie said. "Fully clothed, sitting
up. How drunk is she?"
"Remember after our first national title? She was Fat Amy at the after party
level drunk."
"Ouch. Then that'll be a no on the bacon," Stacie said. "She'll be awake and
throwing up any minute now." As if the words had been prophetic, they heard
staggering footsteps, a slam, and then retching.
"How... Never mind."
"She's my best friend, that's how," Stacie said. "There's Advil in the medicine
cabinet. Gatorade in the fridge, straws in the third drawer. Don't let her eat
anything but crackers until about three o'clock and then keep it simple."
"Okay, where are you going?"
"Home. She has you, she'll be fine," Stacie said. "If you need anything let me
know. And I'll call later, see how she's doing." The brunette sailed out.
Aubrey gathered the Gatorade and a straw, then headed for the bathroom. Beca
was hunched over the toilet bowl, groaning. Aubrey opened a few of the drawers
searching for a hair tie. She found one and tied Beca's hair back.
"Bree?" Beca managed, before she started throwing up again. Aubrey rubbed her
back and waited.
"Oh man," Beca said. "What happened?" Aubrey quietly filled in the events of
the previous night, omitting that drunk Beca had tried to get her into bed,
right up to Stacie leaving and them sitting where they were right now.
"You just sat next to me all night?" Aubrey nodded and Beca threw up again.
Then she sat back against the side of the vanity.
"That's it," she said. "For now anyway." Aubrey helped her up and gave her
water to rinse her mouth out, then some mouthwash she had spotted on the sink.
Then she helped Beca back to bed before going back into the bathroom. She
flushed the toilet and opened the mirror cabinet, looking for Advil. Locating
the painkillers, she tipped a couple in her hand and brought the Gatorade in to
her. Beca swallowed them gratefully. Aubrey made her drink more of the Gatorade
before she let her lay back down.
"Bree? I'm really sorry-"
"We'll talk later," Aubrey promised. "You get some more sleep. I'll hang
around."
"Okay," Beca said. "If you wanna shower and stuff, Stace normally has sweats
and tees in the bottom drawer in the guest room. And help yourself to
whatever."
"I will. I'll leave the Gatorade here." Beca smiled faintly and her eyes fell
closed. Aubrey was about to get up to take a shower when she heard buzzing. It
was coming from Beca's jeans. She pulled the cellphone out. It was Billie. She
answered it, leaving the bedroom.
"Hello?"
"This isn't Beca," the voice said.
"No it's Aubrey," she replied.
"Oh, hey. I was just checking up to see if Beca was alright," Billie said.
"That depends on your definition," Aubrey said. "She just finished puking her
guts up and I put her back to bed."
"Yeah she was pretty bad."
"Thanks for staying with her last night," Aubrey said. "And for calling."
"It was no problem," Billie said. "I still consider Beca a friend of mine and
she was obviously having a rough night. Did you find out what was going on?"
"Not yet, but I'm staying for a while. She's pretty hungover. We can talk
later," Aubrey said.
"The thing with her dad sounded pretty hardcore," Billie said. "We talked about
him a bit but not at great length."
"It is pretty hardcore," Aubrey said. "Their past is not littered with good
memories."
"Let her know I checked in," Billie said. "And..."
"What?"
"Make sure she stays happy, okay? I don't like seeing Beca upset."
"I'm trying I swear," Aubrey said. "I hate it as much as you do."
She hung up and headed to the guest room where she appropriated some of
Stacie's clothes so she could take a shower. She let the hot water run over her
aching neck for as long as she could, and it began to loosen. But she was still
tired, probably because that night's sleep hadn't been restful. After she'd
showered, she made herself something quick to eat before she went back to the
guest room to get some proper rest.
She woke a few hours later when she heard the shower running and figured Beca
must be feeling at least semi human. She checked her watch. It was almost three
o'clock. She got up and headed downstairs, making some toast and black coffee.
Beca appeared shortly after, kissing Aubrey on the cheek and thanking her for
the food and coffee, and more importantly for staying.
"I owe you," she said. "You've been really amazing considering you don't even
know what's going on."
"You know I love you, Beca," Aubrey said. "I'm glad Billie called." She watched
Beca's face pale suddenly as more of the previous night came back to her.
"I kissed you," she recalled. "And then I tried to... Bree, we didn't - did
we?"
"No," she said. "You tried but I wouldn't. Beca you wouldn't have wanted that.
You were drunk and hurting and I couldn't be that girl. I couldn't take
advantage of you like that."
"Thank you," she said. "That means a lot to me."
After Beca was done, she filled Aubrey in on the contents of the email, letting
the blonde read it. Aubrey mused that there may be a possibility that the email
could be enough to constitute a blackmail charge and promised she'd look into
that.
"But what do I do, Aubrey?" Beca asked. "I don't want her to die, but I don't
want to give those people a dime. And they aren't even asking for a dime, it's
three hundred thousand dollars."
"I can't tell you what to do," Aubrey said. "But remember what my old therapist
told me? You owe them nothing Beca. They were responsible for all of your
hardship, they don't get to reap the benefit of your success unless you say
so."
"Well, he was gracious enough to give me 72 hours," Beca sighed. "I'll think
about it."
"And I'll find out if you can have a blackmail charge brought," Aubrey said.
"If you're interested."
"I'm interested in it as a tactic to get them to leave me alone," Beca said. "I
don't want anything to do with them."
"I know," Aubrey said. "I'll find out and you can decide where we go from
there."
"God, I'm still wrecked," Beca said.
"I can only imagine," Aubrey said. "I didn't have plans for the rest of the day
if you want me to hang around."
"Will you come lay down with me while I nap?" Beca asked. "Wait, is that
weird?"
"No," Aubrey said. "It isn't weird. I napped earlier, but I'll come lay down
with you." Beca smiled. Aubrey watched her for a beat longer. She could tell
Beca was still thinking about the thing with her dad.
"Don't worry about him today," Aubrey said. "You have therapy tomorrow. So
let's go lay down and later I'll make you dinner. Something that'll make you
not want to throw up."
"You're the best Bree." They made their way back up to Beca's bedroom, crawling
onto her bed. There was still a fairly deep crater where Beca had slept
earlier, so Aubrey took the side she'd been sleeping in earlier. Beca tugged
the blanket up around their legs a little and latched on to Aubrey's side.
"Hey," she said softly.
"Yeah?" Aubrey said. Beca craned up just far enough to kiss her lightly.
"Just so you know, Aubrey, I love you, too." Then she rolled a little, curled
up and fell back asleep. Aubrey stayed awake a while longer. Beca had told her
she loved her in the midst of her drunken stupor last night, but this was the
first time she'd said it back properly. Just hearing the words made her
unbearably happy. She watched the slow breathing movements of the woman next to
her, taking stock of how far they'd come together.
***** Chapter 22 *****
Beca was troubled by something during her next therapy appointment, but she
couldn't quite figure it out. Aubrey had looked into her dad's email and after
conferring with a colleague, they drafted a formal cease and desist email to
send back to him. It advised him not to pursue his earlier threat otherwise he
would face blackmail charges. She included the relevant criminal codes for
reference and waited for Beca to send her okay to release the email.
But Beca was currently sitting at therapy and something felt off. She and her
therapist were talking about a few things to try and narrow it down.
"What about Aubrey?" her therapist asked. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah," Beca said. "Better than ever. As a matter of fact I-" She trailed off.
That might be what was off about.
"What is it?"
"I told Aubrey I loved her," Beca said. "I just ran it out, didn't even
acknowledge it, and it's actually a really big deal for me. I need to do it
properly."
"You think you didn't say it properly?"
"I think I need to explain it to her," Beca said. "An I love you isn't just
something I throw around, and I don't want her to feel like it was just the
pressure of the weekend or whatever making me say it. I want her to know that I
said it because I love her."
"So you do love her, though?"
"I do," Beca said. "I do. And yes I've been holding back on saying it because
of - well, everything. But now I want to tell her, the way she deserves to hear
it. Not just an emotional overreaction to a shitty day, even if I did mean it."
Beca finished up the session and wanted to see Aubrey straight away. She felt
like she wouldn't be comfortable until she'd explained herself. She got into
her car and called her before she stuck the key in the ignition.
"Hey," Aubrey said. "You okay?"
"Yeah, fine," Beca said. "But I needed to talk to you about something. Can I
drop past?"
"Of course," Aubrey said. "I just ordered some pizza if you want."
"See you soon," Beca said. She drove to Aubrey's apartment and headed upstairs.
She ran into a pizza delivery guy coming down the stairs and assumed that her
dinner order had arrived. When she got to Aubrey's door, the blonde just called
out for her to come in, so she let herself inside. Aubrey was bringing a pair
of beers out to the living room where the pizza was on the coffee table.
"Hey," Beca said, kissing her hello.
"Hey," Aubrey said. She handed her a beer. "You sounded like you had something
on your mind."
"I do," Beca said. "It's about the weekend."
"Well, I sent you a copy of the email to send your dad," Aubrey said. "You can
let me know if there's anything you want me to change. It's pretty standard."
"No, not that," Beca said, accepting a slice of pizza. "It's something else. I
feel like… I don't even really know how to start this. You've told me that you
love me a few times, and on the weekend I told you that I loved you."
"Yes, I know," Aubrey said, confused.
"I need you to know, Bree, that I really do love you."
"I know," Aubrey said, not really understanding.
"Man, I am still not very good at this," Beca said. She took a moment to sort
out what she wanted to say. "Aubrey, I dated Billie for months and never
actually managed to tell her I loved her. Matter of fact, in six years, the
only person I've said those words to is Stacie. So I know it feels like nothing
but it's not to me. And I've been feeling off because I kind of just threw it
into conversation when I was emotionally hammered and physically just as bad."
She put her pizza down.
"Beca-" the blonde began, but was cut off.
"It means more to me than that," Beca said, continuing and taking her hand. "I
feel like I didn't treat you or that moment with the significance you deserve.
So, Aubrey. I want you to know that I love you. I love you unlike any other
person in my life, and I want you to know that you mean a lot to me, and I'm
not just saying that because you held my hair back while I vomited and my dad
sent me a shitty email."
Aubrey was looking at her like she was the only thing on earth. The pizza was
long forgotten, she just wanted to kiss her. She cradled Beca's face gently and
leaned in to press her lips to the other woman's.
"I love you, too," Aubrey said softly. "I love you." Beca kissed her again,
slow and tender kisses that made her heart race. She could feel Aubrey's
breathing speed up just a little bit as she let her hand slip around to the
back of her neck. Beca shifted a little closer and the kiss intensified. Aubrey
tugged her over so she was sitting on her lap, the younger woman's arms winding
around her neck.
The blonde let her hands enclose Beca's ribcage, then let a hand slip around
and up the back of her shirt. Beca was enjoying this probably more than she'd
enjoyed anything in her entire life, but she didn't want to get ahead of
herself. She didn't feel like they were ready to go in the direction they were
definitely headed toward, so she slowed the kisses down, ending with a
featherlight kiss pressed to Aubrey's forehead. The blonde was still holding
her tightly.
"I love you," she murmured against Beca's ear.
"I love you, too," Beca said. They stayed like that for a few moments. "The
pizza is probably cold."
"I'll heat it back up," Aubrey said. "I'm not ever going to complain about
kissing you." She got up and took the pizza into the kitchen.
Beca immediately felt better, though. The awkward feeling she'd been carrying
since the weekend had dissolved and it had been replaced with - happiness.
She'd been happy with Aubrey so far, but now it was like every last obstacle
between them was gone and she was able to be truly and completely happy. Beca
followed Aubrey into the kitchen.
"You're putting it in the oven?" Beca asked, as she watched the blonde slide
the tray in. "What about the microwave?"
"That'll make the crust all soggy," Aubrey said. "It'll take a little longer
but it'll taste better. She pulled Beca toward her and wrapped her arms around
her.
"Oh, by the way," Beca said. "I'm happy to send that email off to dad. I talked
a bit to my therapist about it today and she said it's a dick move."
"It is a dick move," Aubrey said. "But if we send it, you should be prepared to
follow through with what it says."
"Sue dad for blackmail?" Beca said. "That feels a bit intense."
"It's up to you," Aubrey said. "I know your dad and Sheila made life incredibly
hard for you. They were never encouraging or supportive, and they had no issues
just cutting you off at the drop of a hat. But now that it suits them, they
want money. Notice, Beca, that he didn't even ask how you were, congratulate
you on how successful you are. He literally just wants your money."
"I don't want to be that asshole," Beca muttered. "But it grates me, Bree.
Where the fuck does he get off demanding I take care of her when she instantly
hated me. I mean, I don't want her to suffer, but still…"
"I know, Beca. You're a good person."
"Can I think about it for another day?" Beca asked.
"Whatever you want," Aubrey said. She kissed Beca's temple. "I will do anything
for you, you know that? If you want me to delete the email, that's fine. If you
want me to legally crush him, I'll do that too."
"Ooh, that sounds hot," Beca said. "I can just see you in court now, all
dominant and confident and stuff. Nice little pencil skirt, killer heels." She
turned and kissed Aubrey again, arms wrapping around her. Just as she went to
deepen the kiss, the timer went off to signal the pizza being done. They took
it back to the living room and Beca had to admit, it was a lot nicer than when
it was microwaved.
"Though," Aubrey said, "there is something to be said for cold pizza the
morning after a big night, right?"
"Definitely," Beca agreed. They finished their food and their drinks, and Beca
said she better get going. She was planning on dropping past to see Stacie,
make sure she wasn't working herself to death. Aubrey kissed her at the door
and they made plans to see each other again on Wednesday.
Beca headed to her car and texted Stacie to let her know she was swinging past
to get coffee and donuts before she made her way to the shop. When she arrived
at Conrad Wade, the sign at the door indicated they were closed and the lights
were dim, but she knew it was just to stop people knocking, so she texted
Stacie to let her know she was there.
"Hey," Stacie's voice came as she unlocked the door and let her in. "You're the
fucking best, you know that, right?"
"Dude, yeah, I know," Beca said. She followed Stacie all the way through to the
back where it looked like she wasn't working on any dresses at all. Stacie took
the coffee and snagged a donut from the bag.
"Accounts and finance," Stacie said. "The fucking worst. Lilah normally handles
it but her puking has gotten really bad and she's barely been in to work the
past week. Doc says she's gotta rest up."
"Baby okay?" Beca asked.
"Well, as of now, yeah," Stacie said. "I kinda told her to stay at home and
shit. But now I really fucking need some help."
"So hire some help," Beca said. "You can afford it now, Stacie. Just get
someone to take care of all of this for you."
"I'm so fucking stupid," Stacie said. "I kind of keep forgetting that we can
actually afford stuff like that now."
"Jenna might know someone," Beca said. "I'll call you tomorrow. So how much of
that absolutely has to be done right now?"
"I just have to make sure the utilities are taken care of and the staff get
paid," Stacie said. "That shouldn't take too long." She took a deep breath.
"All good?" Beca asked.
"All good," Stacie said. "How was therapy?"
"Pretty good," Beca said. "I um, told Aubrey that I love her over the weekend-"
"You did what!?" Stacie exclaimed.
"Hang on," Beca said, rolling her eyes at her best friend's dramatics. "I told
her I loved her but it was just this nothing line, it didn't feel right, you
know? I was hungover as fuck, emotional from all the shit with dad. And the
more I thought about it the more I felt like she deserved better than that,
especially after I've made such a big deal about not saying it to anyone."
"So you told her you loved her again?" Stacie asked.
"I went around there after therapy tonight and I told her properly," Beca said.
"She said she knew, but I still just wanted her to know that yes, it's a big
deal for me to say those things but I meant it. I do love her."
"That's a huge deal," Stacie said. "That means you're like, really fucking
serious about this, Beca."
"I am," Beca said. "It hasn't taken very long for her to become a really
massive part of my life. I know it seems weird, but it feels so right, Stace. I
feel like she is just going to be there with me, forever."
"Forever?"
"I wouldn't have gotten into a relationship like this, with all the history, if
I didn't think it was going to be the actual real deal," Beca said. "But we've
been hanging out, getting the friendship back to where it used to be, and then
therapy, and all the dating, we're really fucking entwined in each other
emotionally. But I'm not afraid, and I'm not running away from it."
"You're so fucking amazing, Beca," Stacie said, shaking her head. "If I were
you, I'd have run a mile from Aubrey. But look at you, dude. Therapy. Couples
therapy. And you've told her you love her. You're working your ass off at this
thing."
"It's like I said to her dude," Beca said. "I'm pretty sure that if I can't
make it work with her, then it ain't gonna work with anyone. And I want it to
be her." Stacie got up and hugged her hard, Beca hugging her back.
"I fucking love you, dork," she said.
"I love you too, nerd," Beca replied. Stacie decided that she'd eat one more
donut and then finish up the pressing finances, leaving the rest for the next
day. Beca waited with her, offering to drive her home.
"I'm going to stay at James' place," Stacie said. "That okay?"
"Yeah, fine," Beca said. "Billie and I are civil. Friendly, even." She waited
while Stacie finished up what she was doing, and then she locked up the shop so
they could head out. She drove to James and Billie's house, dropping Stacie off
without seeing either occupant at the house. Then she headed home, where she
took a shower, got into bed and pulled a notebook toward her.
She wrote down everything she'd been thinking about during therapy, as she
always did, and then she grabbed her cell to quickly text Aubrey and let her
know that she was missing her.
I miss you.
Aubrey was in bed, reading when she got the text. It was kind of adorable.
We were just together a few hours ago. I miss you too.
Beca smiled. She wished Aubrey were right next to her. Keeping the bed warm.
Then she plugged the phone in to charge, and pulled her laptop toward her. She
had a meeting the following day with Save The Arts, and she had been narrowing
down ideas to help them out. She had a couple, and just wanted to make sure
what she was proposing wasn't too out there. She just had to meet with Jenna in
the morning to ensure her plans weren't going to disrupt the day to day working
of the company. She was sure it'd be fine, she was only volunteering herself
for a large chunk of time, and everyone else would get paid as per normal.
Her meeting with Jenna the next morning was smooth sailing. She remembered to
ask about someone who did books for Stacie. Jenna said she knew people but she
knew big, corporate people. Stacie probably only needed a part time book keeper
for the moment, but she had an idea of someone who could put some feelers out.
Her meeting with Save the Arts was a lunch meeting, Chelsea Bright also in
attendance alongside three others. They ordered food and began talking about
ideas.
"Well," Beca said, "I know Chelsea already has quite a few things lined up with
you guys, but I've got some ideas as well." Her first plan was an actual
benefit night. She could ask a lot of people favors to show up and perform, or
buy tickets, and they'd do it no questions asked. There would have to be some
logistics looked at, like a venue, liability insurance, but the guys seemed
really interested in that idea.
"The next one," Beca said, "Is more to encourage kids that are already in arts
in their schools. I'm willing to donate my time to visit schools for music
workshops. Do it as a contest - but not you know, the best performance wins
kind of deal. Schools that can demonstrate why they need the funding, they're
the ones I'm interested in."
"But there'd be no guarantee we'd be able to fund a specific school," one of
the Arts campaigners said.
"Well… I could," Beca said. "Not saying I'm not going to donate to the cause
anyway, because I am. But if like, the winning school needs resources to make
that shit happen, I can help." The three staffers from Save the Arts were
stunned.
"That could be a lot of money," the woman offered.
"And I have a lot of money that I'm totally not using," Beca said. "I get it.
But honestly, it's one thing for me to put my face and my word to this
campaign. It's another to put my money where my mouth is, and it's something I
really give a shit about."
"I'm with you," Chelsea said. "I mean, I'm nowhere near as stacked as Beca and
I do have a child to support, but if we aren't going to put up, may as well
shut up. I'll finance a film school scholarship."
"Your support is very generous," one of the men said. "We're happy to take all
your ideas and get legal to look at them. And we're really excited about this
year's campaign."
They kept talking for a while, and they mentioned that they'd like to set up a
shoot soon for promotional materials. Beca was happy to do it whenever. She
wasn't exactly the best when it came to photoshoots, she tended to be really
awkward. But they reassured her it was a jeans and t-shirt kind of deal,
nothing high fashion. They asked both her and Chelsea to see if they were free
on a number of dates and let them know so they could pick one. It had ended up
being a productive meeting, and Beca was glad she'd signed on to help out.
Her mood stayed up over the next day, and Aubrey could see how noticeably happy
she was when they went out to dinner Wednesday night. They'd been snapped by
paparazzi on the way in, but even that hadn't really bothered Beca. She was
happy and she had Aubrey right by her side. In her book, there was nothing to
be upset about.
"You seem really happy," Aubrey said as they waited for their entrées.
"I am," Beca said. "Just really excited for this Save The Arts stuff. Plus I'm
feeling like things between us are going really well. It's hard to be down when
everything feels like it's going so good."
"You are so beautiful," Aubrey said. "All the time, but especially like this. I
could look at you all night." She pulled Beca toward her and kissed her gently.
"It's been a long time since I felt this good," Beca admitted. "I uh, do have
something I want to ask you though."
"What's that?" Aubrey asked.
"It's about spending the night," Beca said. "I know we're still working our way
up to sex, and I'm totally cool with that. But when I was texting you the other
night, saying that I missed you, all I really wanted was you to be there with
me. And I was wondering if you would maybe think about staying the night, in a
non-sexual kind of way?"
"No thinking necessary," Aubrey said. "I'd love to. I'd love to wake up next to
you. What about after therapy on Thursday? I'll pack a bag and we'll stay at
yours."
"That sounds great," Beca said. "Awesome." They lapsed into chatter until the
food arrived.
Beca and Aubrey met for therapy the next night. A large bulk of the session was
talking about the fact that Beca had said she loved Aubrey, and what that
signified in terms of the development of their relationship. The therapist then
asked how Beca was doing in terms of worrying that she'd inadvertently hurt
Aubrey somehow.
"I'm doing better," Beca said. "I think I'm still worried, but more just a mild
concern instead of a full blown paranoid fear. We've talked about her
experiences a little and I know there are definitely things I'm going to avoid,
or wait for her to take the lead on. But I feel like that concern isn't going
to go away until we've actually taken that step, you know?"
"And it's not that she's pressuring me for sex so we can get this out of the
way," Aubrey said. "We're still not rushing. It's just an accepted fact that
there are things we'll need to take as they come."
"You two seem a lot more… comfortable is the wrong word," the therapist said.
"You've both really settled in. I know you've both been in therapy separately
to this, and I only see you for this small window every week. But it really
feels like you two have made some significant strides. It's great."
"We feel pretty good about it, too," Beca said. "We just needed a little help
sorting through it all."
"And that's what's made all the difference," Aubrey said.
They saw out the rest of the session. The therapist indicated she didn't
foresee too many more sessions needed, and suggested a two week interval
instead of just the one. They agreed that would be fine and then headed back to
Beca's house.
Beca offered the bathroom to Aubrey first and ordered dinner for the two of
them. They didn't do anything exciting, just ate and watched a little TV. But
as they retired to bed, Beca wrapping an arm over Aubrey's body, both of them
had to admit that being together felt perfect. Even just to sleep.
===============================================================================
 
***** Chapter 23 *****
Chapter Notes
     PSA - I've been posting it on my Tumblr, but this is me telling you
     guys that I'm going to be on a fic-hiatus from mid December to mid
     February. During that time I'll be celebrating my fiancees birthday,
     finalising the wedding plans, getting married and taking a honeymoon!
     I may still write, but I don't intend to publish anything. I don't
     want anyone to think I've disappeared or anything, but I know I
     wouldn't be able to commit to writing anything during this time, and
     I want to put the focus right where it belongs - on my beautiful and
     wonderful Alex.
Beca sat in her own therapy session on Monday afternoon, recalling how the past
week had gone. Her therapist was very encouraging and pointed out that she'd
overcome the biggest hurdle she'd ever had in her personal life.
"There's just the one thing left," Beca said. "Me subconsciously worrying that
I'm going to hurt her."
"I know you keep saying that," her therapist said, "but you keep forgetting one
important thing."
"Oh yeah?" Beca said. "What's that?"
"Well… let's think about it. You're worried that when you two have sex, it'll
hurt her in some way. But you two have already had sex."
"Yeah, but that was different," Beca said.
"How?" her therapist asked. Beca sat for a while. Because the more she thought
about it, the more she thought her therapist might be right. She'd slept with
Aubrey already, right when she was in the thick of having a breakdown. And it
hadn't seemed to do any real damage - apart from what Aubrey was already going
through on her own. There was nothing Beca could do.
"It might not be so different," Beca admitted. "But it feels weightier because
now I know. And she knows I know, that I'll be thinking about it. And I might
be putting a lot more pressure on myself than necessary now because I got drunk
and tried to seduce her a few days ago."
"That's new."
"We talked it out already," Beca said. "She turned me down, rightfully. I'd
gotten trashed because of the stuff with dad and I was in some bar and Billie
found me there and called Bree. She explained that she knew that wasn't what I
would have wanted, or what she wanted for our first time. So she tucked me into
bed and hung around while I slept, vomited, recovered. That's when I told her I
loved her the first time."
"Do you ever think you're going to be able to look at her and not see what
happened to her?"
"What do you mean?" Beca asked.
"Aubrey is more than what happened in her past," her therapist said. "I think
you've just about wrapped your head around that in terms of her emotional side,
her psychological side. But in terms of her physical body, her actual body, you
still see a victim."
"Is that a bad thing?" Beca asked. "I mean, if we're being technical, she is."
"You can choose to see her that way, or you can see her as a victor. Someone
who overcame, rather than someone who was victimized," her therapist said.
"That's a good point," Beca said. "I don't like that it plagues on me so much.
Because I do love her, and we're a couple of months into this thing now. And I
do want to sleep with her. She's ready, I'm the one dragging my feet. But she
had all those years to deal with it before we got back together and it's still
relatively new for me. So I'm hesitant, which she says is understandable."
"So is that the literal only thing that's been stopping you?" the therapist
questioned. "Or deep down are you still worried that if you do sleep with
Aubrey, you're going to wake up alone again?"
"Ouch," Beca said. But she actually appreciated her blunt nature. "No, I'm
honestly not worried about that. I feel like… maybe I might just be in my head
too much. Maybe I should focus more on what I feel instead of what I think.
Because that just gets me in trouble. I get in my own way and that's not
something I want to do with Aubrey." The therapist was smiling at her. They
continued the session for a while and Beca felt good after she left. Aubrey was
waiting at her place for dinner. She'd given the blonde a key the previous
week, because they were due to go out and Beca had a late meeting. She didn't
want Aubrey just to sit on her ass on the step, and she didn't need the spare
key back. Plus, she wanted Aubrey to have it.
Aubrey was in the living room when she got home. She was wearing jeans and a
tank, hair loose and feet kicked over the end of the couch as she read a book.
Beca thought she looked sexy as hell. She perched on the edge of the couch and
took the book out of her hands. Without speaking, she leaned down and kissed
her passionately. Aubrey's arms folded around her neck and pulled her on top of
her own body.
"Well hello," Aubrey said in a light drawl. "I'm never going to complain if
that's how you want to greet me."
"You are an exceptionally beautiful woman, Aubrey Posen," Beca said. She kissed
her again.
"I ordered Lebanese," Aubrey said. Then she pulled Beca back in, kissing her
leisurely for a while. Beca pulled back eventually.
"I love you, Bree," she said softly.
"I love you, too, Beca," Aubrey replied. "How was therapy?"
"Really good," Beca said. "I thought after dinner and a little wine I'd tell
you about it."
"Sounds perfect," Aubrey said. "Food'll be here any minute. You've got time to
wash up."
"Okay," Beca said. She pressed one last kiss to Aubrey's lips and then got up.
As she got to the doorway, she turned around. "Still so beautiful."
The next morning, Beca woke in a good mood. It definitely had a lot to do with
the blonde wrapped around her in bed, and the lazy morning kisses they shared
before the alarm went off. She stayed in that good mood all day, Miles even
commented that she was humming her way through meetings and a mastering
session. She just shrugged. Her assistant smiled to himself, because he liked
that Beca was happy. She hadn't ever really been a sourpuss, sometimes a little
withdrawn. But now, it was a different kind of happy.
Just after lunch Beca hit Jenna's extension to let her know she was out for the
afternoon. She and Chelsea were meeting up with the photographer for Save the
Arts to get their campaign shots done.
On the way out she asked Miles to confirm her dinner reservation and then text
her, the young man agreeing. He was worth more, Beca decided, and she figured
she'd talk to Jenna about a payrise at his next review. Work wise, and kind of
also personal wise, she would be lost without him keeping track of everything.
She headed out to the studio where they were shooting, a place she'd been near
before but not in. There was a veritable swarm of people inside, rigging up
lights, hair and makeup and she could already see Chelsea in a corner having
her hair done. A middle-aged woman came over and introduced herself as the
person in charge of the shoot, also introducing her to the photographer.
"It's going to be relaxed," she said. "Minimal hair and makeup, just enough to
look natural under the lights."
"You guys got that message about Photoshop, right?" Beca said. She was fiercely
against photoshopping, and she still looked incredibly youthful so didn't see
what would even need touching up.
"Yeah," she said. "Chelsea said much the same. The only photoshop going on will
be adding the logo. You girls don't need it. Now, head over to the redhead,
she'll do your makeup."
Beca silently sat through the makeup as directed. It was never her favorite
thing to do but she was well aware that it was necessary. The makeup artist was
a woman named Tegan, and she was quick and efficient.
"You normally rock a heavier eyeliner," she said. "They want you guys to look
natural but I think that's part of your look. Want me to throw a little more on
so you feel like you?"
"Sure dude, go for it," Beca said.
"It's not going to make waves," she assured her. "Chelsea asked for a brighter
lip color. You guys don't want giant billboards up where you don't look like
you."
She deftly added the eyeliner and then sent her along to hair. They didn't
spend much time on her at all. Threw it up in an untidy looking knot, sprayed
everything in place and sent her to where Chelsea was waiting.
"Done being made up, I see," Chelsea said.
"Yeah," Beca said. "You know me, not my favorite kind of thing to do."
"I think that would be wardrobe," Chelsea said, pointing to a pile of denim
jeans folded on a large table and a few different shirts. "At least we'll be
comfortable."
"Thank god," Beca said. They were herded over to the table and handed shirts
while someone else picked out jeans. They both changed and had their hair
sprayed again and were led to where the photographer had set up.
Chelsea went first. She was good at the photo thing, and she made it look like
a breeze. Beca took her turn, taking a moment to feel at ease under the stare
of the camera. Then they wanted shots of the both of them. There was a
considerable height difference, though, since Chelsea was five ten.
They ended up pulling a tall stool over and parking Beca on it, Chelsea
standing beside her. Then they ditched the stool and brought in a couch, the
two of them instructed to sit down chat like they normally would while they
snapped more candid pictures.
"So how are things going with the new girlfriend?" Chelsea asked.
"Yeah, really good," Beca said.
"Have you seen much of Billie since?"
"Not much, she's been working," Beca said. "But we've talked. There's no bad
blood there. Bree and I just had so much history and Billie saw it coming
before I did."
"She strikes me as a nice girl," Chelsea said. "I've met her a few times, but I
don't know her well."
"Billie's awesome," Beca confirmed. "We'll see a lot of each other since our
best friends are dating."
"Yeah, I saw that," Chelsea said. "I'm happy for Stacie. I worked with James
years ago and he's lovely."
"How's Evie?"
"She's great," Chelsea grinned. They were told they had enough photos now and
the shoot was pretty much done. It was earlier than she'd expected but there
wasn't much point going back to the studio now.
She decided to swing past and see Stacie, buying donuts and coffee on the way.
When she got there, one of the new intern hires did a double take.
"Uh... you're Beca Mitchell," she stammered.
"Yeah, dude, I am," she said. "Stacie here?"
"She's out back," the girl said. "Want me to go get her?"
"Nah," Beca said. She let herself out the back and found Stacie sitting at the
computer.
"Oh sweet Jesus I love you," Stacie said. "Give me that caffeine." Beca dropped
her gifts on the desk.
"What are you working on?" Beca asked.
"Just emailing an update to Lilah," Stacie said. "She's officially on bed
rest."
"Wow," Beca said. "That's early."
"She's got hyperemesis," Stacie said. "Basically the puking is out of control
to an insane level and it's taking a toll. She's feeling like shit, and she's
at the doctors at least once a week for checkups."
"Damn," Beca said. "But you guys are coping okay?"
"Yep," Stacie said. "I hired a part time book keeper. She starts Monday."
"I also startled one of your interns," Beca said. "She was all deer in the
headlights."
"Yeah, some of them aren't really good at keeping their cool when celebs rock
up," Stacie said. "The one with mermaid hair?"
"If that's what the blue and green is, yes," Beca said. "Anyway I only stopped
to bring you donuts and coffee. The Save The Arts shoot was this afternoon and
I didn't see much point in going back to the studio."
"And I appreciate it," Stacie said. "But I've still got a shit ton of stuff to
do. Still on for dinner tomorrow?"
"Always," Beca said. Stacie got up to walk her out.
"Thanks for the boost," Stacie said. "Love you, dork."
"Love you too, loser," Beca replied and headed home. She took a shower and was
staring at her calendar on her laptop screen. She did a double take and checked
today's date.
"Shit," she said. She had a party that she absolutely had to be at on Friday.
She'd RSVP'd for two, back when she and Billie were together. And now she had
to ask Aubrey if she could make it, on just a few days notice. She sighed and
called her girlfriend.
"Hey," Aubrey said. "I'm just about to head home for the day. What's up?"
"Um, remember how you love me and you'd do anything for me and you're
incredible and gorgeous and wonderful?" she said.
"Spit it out, Mitchell," Aubrey laughed.
"I completely spaced out and there's this party I have to go to Friday night
for the label. Full cocktail style, fancy type thing," Beca said. "I was hoping
you could be my plus one?"
"Cocktail?" Aubrey said. "Sure. I was gonna review a few cases but I can do
that over the weekend."
"You're amazing," Beca said. "I honestly just lost track of the date, if you
can believe that. I'll pick you up at seven?"
"Can't wait," Aubrey said. "But I'll see you Thursday." They were still
planning on having dinner together even though they had an extra week until
therapy.
"Love you," Beca said.
"I love you too." Beca was relieved. It was definitely the kind of party Jenna
was much better at attending than she was. But Aubrey would nail it like a pro.
She knew how to mingle, how to make small talk, and most importantly, how to
feign interest in small talk.
The rest of the week flew by and before she knew it she was walking up to
Aubrey's apartment and knocking on the door. She was wearing a deep jade
colored strapless dress with heels. Stacie had approved the outfit. She knocked
and waited for Aubrey to answer. When she did, she was floored.
"Wow," Beca said. "You can pull that together in just a couple of days?" It was
a black dress with silver accents, her hair pulled up. She kissed her softly,
not wanting to ruin her makeup.
"You look beautiful too," Aubrey said.
"The car is waiting," Beca said. Aubrey grabbed a clutch and locked the door
behind them. Beca took her hand as they made their way back downstairs.
"I thought when you said car, you meant your car," Aubrey said as Beca held the
rear door open on the hired car.
"Not tonight," Beca said. She closed the door and got in on the other side.
The party was for some music association, and they were always a good time. But
Beca had never enjoyed herself even close to what she was tonight. Aubrey was
gorgeous, and together they owned the room.
They shared a few glasses of champagne, stole canapés from silver-trayed
waiters and made their way through a ton of chatter with other attendees. Jenna
had never spoken with Aubrey apart from that first legal encounter, but she did
tug Beca aside later into the night.
"I like her," Jenna said. "I can tell she's smarter than just about everyone in
this room, and she is a stunner."
"She is," Beca said proudly.
"You happy, Mitchell?" Jenna asked.
"Yeah, Freedman," Beca said. "I am."
"It fuckin' shows," she said. Beca went back to her girlfriend, slipping a hand
into hers.
At the end of the night they took the car back to Beca's. Aubrey had brought
some stuff over the previous day so she could stay the night. Beca stopped her
as they got to the door.
"I had the best time tonight," she said. "Thanks for coming with me. I don't
think I've ever enjoyed a work party as much as that before."
"I had fun, too," Aubrey said. Beca unlocked the door but she didn't go inside.
She gently tugged Aubrey's hand with her own, pulling the blonde closer to her.
She kissed her softly.
Delicate, light kisses, first on her lips, then along her jaw and trailing down
her neck. When their mouths met again, Aubrey let out a hot gasp and slid her
arms around Beca's neck and the embrace intensified. Beca propelled them
inside, kicking the door closed with one foot. Her hands planed up Aubrey's
back, then back down to grasp at her waist.
Then she pulled back, chest heaving, and extended her hand to Aubrey. The
blonde looked down at her hand and then into her eyes. This was more than an
invitation to go upstairs and go to bed. This was -
"Are you ready?" Aubrey asked. Beca nodded. "I need to hear you say it, Beca."
"Aubrey," Beca said, eyes still locked on hers and stepping toward her. "I'm
ready for this. I want it, I want you. I love you. And tonight feels perfect
and right, and it's not just me being ready, I think we are." Aubrey took her
hand and leaned in to gently peck her before they went upstairs.
Once in the bedroom, they both kicked off their heels and moved back together.
Aubrey's hands gently unzipped Beca's dress, guiding it down to the floor. Her
body immediately grew warmer at the sight of Beca in dark, silky underwear.
She'd only seen the brunette like this once before. Just once, and then she'd
destroyed her. Something must have changed in her demeanor, because Beca shook
her head at her.
"No," she said. "I don't want you to think about that. I want you to think
about this moment, not the other one." Aubrey nodded and took a deep breath.
She unclasped the small hook at the neck of her own dress and Beca tugged it
down over her hips.
"God you're beautiful," she said. Aubrey kissed her deeply, their hands
immediately moving to explore the exposed skin of each other. The blonde tugged
her toward the bed, and they fell on top of it together. Aubrey hovered over
Beca's body, taking in the moment and the sight of the younger woman smiling up
at her.
"I love you," Aubrey said.
"I love you, too," Beca said. She welcomed the weight of the taller woman as it
settled on her body, wrapping an arm over her to undo the clasp on her bra. She
wrestled the garment off of her, not wanting to pull out of the embrace for
even a second. It was eventually discarded, and Beca's hands closed over
Aubrey's breasts firmly.
It was a small noise, a hitch of Aubrey's breath, but it made Beca's body
tingle. Their kisses were only getting deeper, more passionate, their bodies
shifting and pressing against one another. Aubrey wondered if Beca could tell
how aroused she was, she was sure that there would have to be some wetness
seeping through the fine fabric of her underwear.
She began kissing down Beca's body, straddling her thighs as she lifted the
brunette slightly, needing to get her bra off and out of her way. She had seen
the peek of a tattoo she'd not seen before rising up over the hem of her
underwear, figuring she'd ask Beca about it later. There were more important
tasks at hand, like getting her naked. She pulled the underwear down, wrangled
her own off and then stopped to look at the woman beneath her.
"Come here," Beca said softly. Aubrey lowered her body down again and met Beca
in a searing kiss. Their now finally naked bodies sank into one another,
tongues driving into each other's mouths. Aubrey began to rock against Beca
lightly, the catch in Beca's breath with every movement only spurring her on.
It was now clear that she wasn't alone in being seriously turned on. Beca was
wet and she was arching up into her movements now; she wanted more. Aubrey
shifted her body to the side and kissed along her jawline, but moving back to
her lips as she gently let a single finger enter her.
It was just the one for a few moments, but the thrust of Beca's hips meant she
wasn't shy about adding a second. She wriggled her body downward and then
affixed her mouth to one of her breasts as she continued her ministrations.
"Oh God," Beca let out in a sigh. The blonde let her thumb catch her clit every
so often, working her up until she was frantic. But it wasn't enough for
Aubrey, she needed to taste her. Abandoning the breast, she kissed down,
skimming her tongue along the sensitive skin of her abdomen and then kissing
down further.
The broad of her tongue slipped easily against Beca's center and the moan it
released rang like music in her ears. She let the tip of her tongue trace her
clit, sucked on it, before letting her fingers return to their previous work.
Beca was swearing now, so Aubrey kept going, increasing her pace bit by bit
until she felt Beca's body tremble and then begin to seize.
The groan of Beca's orgasm made her heart race. It was nothing short of
incredible, this beautiful woman she loved with her entire heart, completely
surrendering herself to Aubrey's hands, her mouth. Beca panted her way into
recovery holding Aubrey close and peppering her with kisses.
She meant business though. Instead of starting slow, she pinned Aubrey down
onto the bed and kissed her hard. Then she parked between Aubrey's legs,
pushing her knees up and slightly apart. She kissed her inner thighs, running
fingers over her opening, before leaning forward. The hands moved up to her
breasts as the mouth busied itself, Beca's tongue pushing and probing inside of
her.
She let her fingernails drag down Aubrey's toned stomach as she continued,
enclosing her mouth around her clit. Aubrey cried out and her hands snapped to
the back of Beca's head to tangle in her hair. They kept a tight grip, but it
wasn't a problem, Beca had no interest in backing off. Eventually she sank two
fingers into Aubrey as she continued to suck at her clit, and in a few short
moments, Aubrey was coming undone in a blissful heap, crying out in sheer
ecstasy.
Beca kissed her way back up slowly, taking her time, before sliding up next to
Aubrey's face. She kissed her long and slow, not caring that the both of them
were sweaty and exhausted.
"I love you," Aubrey said. "Beca, I love you."
"I love you, too," Beca said. "That was perfect." She realised that Aubrey had
tears in her eyes.
"Not what you think," Aubrey said. "I'm just so happy, Beca."
"I am, too," Beca confirmed. "This night… I'm never gonna forget it." She
fumbled for the blanket and tugged it up. Aubrey rolled Beca slightly and
spooned her from behind, wrapping an arm tightly over her midsection and
kissing along her shoulder.
"Perfect," she mumbled into her skin, their exhausted bodies not allowing them
to stay awake much longer than that.
***** Chapter 24 *****
Beca woke with a start in the early hours of the morning. Aubrey stirred and
her hand groggily slid out toward her in the bed. It took the brunette a moment
to realise that it was just Aubrey, just her hand. Then she smiled. Aubrey was
still here. She lay back down in the bed and Aubrey’s arm curved over her.
 
Her mind wasn’t being co-operative with her plan to go back to sleep though. So
she lay there for a while, focusing on the feeling of Aubrey’s breath gently
hitting her shoulder and the pressure of her arm on her body. She smiled as her
thumb brushed softly back and forth over Aubrey’s hand.
 
She did eventually doze off, though it wasn’t for a while. When she woke the
second time, Aubrey’s hand was slowly rubbing up and down her back. The blonde
had apparently woken up a little earlier and had already been downstairs to get
them both coffee. She was sitting up in bed, blanket tugged around her waist,
but still naked otherwise. Beca looked up at her with a groggy smile.
 
“So you’re naked and you have coffee?” Beca said. She struggled into an upright
position and accepted the mug Aubrey handed her, but not before she kissed her
firmly. “Have you been awake long?”
 
“Kind of,” Aubrey said. “Maybe an hour? I just wanted to lay here with you for
a while, but then I figured you probably wouldn’t mind if I got up as long as I
made coffee.”
 
“I’m just glad you’re here,” Beca said. “Last night was amazing.”
 
“Amazing,” Aubrey agreed. “All of it. And waking up next to you like this.” Her
eyes wandered over Beca’s body just a little.
 
“Appreciating the view?” Beca asked.
 
“Oh yeah,” Aubrey said. “A lot. You’re so beautiful.” Beca flushed a little on
her cheeks.
 
“I love you, Bree,” she said, putting her coffee cup down. Aubrey followed suit
and brought her in, kissing her softly over and over. Sweet, lazy kisses,
neither of them caring about the smudged makeup of last night, the tousled
hair. It didn’t take long until Aubrey pushed Beca down on the bed and let her
hands begin to wander.
 
“Coffee?” Beca said.
 
“This is better, we can go out after,” Aubrey murmured against her jawline.
Beca surrendered easily.
 
They did manage to leave the house sometime later, but by this point breakfast
was definitely brunch or quite possibly an early lunch. They ate quietly,
sitting side by side in a sunny corner of the restaurant, taking their time and
just enjoying themselves.
 
“Excuse me and sorry for interrupting, but are you Beca Mitchell?” came a
hesitant and very young voice. Beca turned and saw a kid of about ten years old
standing awkwardly next to her table. She looked more nervous than any person
Beca had ever seen in her life.
 
“Yeah, I am,” Beca said. She didn’t normally indulge in much fan exchange when
she was out for personal reasons but she was a sucker for a kid. A polite kid,
especially.
 
“Wow,” the girl said. “I love your music so much, all the singers you’ve worked
with, I just wanted to tell you thanks for making it.”
 
“My pleasure,” Beca said. “Wanna take a picture?” The girls jaw dropped.
 
“Is that okay?” the girl asked.
 
“Sure,” Beca said. “My friend here will take it for us.” The girl ran back to
borrow her mother’s cell phone, the said mother coming over with her. Beca
shook her hand and explained it was no problem. Aubrey took the cell and took
the photo, which anybody could see made that girl’s day. Afterward she couldn’t
help throwing her arms around Beca quickly. She and her mother thanked Beca for
her time and then left them to finish their meal.
 
“I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you have to deal with a fan,” Aubrey
said.
 
“It doesn’t happen as often as you would think,” Beca shrugged. “And I try not
to get too into it if I’m out with someone. But I don’t mind the pictures and
the small talk with them you know? With kids and teenagers and stuff they’re
generally just super excited to meet me.”
 
“Does it sound weird saying that out loud?” Aubrey asked.
 
“Every time,” Beca said. “But it’s the people about ten years older, realizing
that being seen with me even for a split second… it’s the paps, that kind of
stuff I don’t really like. Mind you, if you start getting drama from
photographers, you tell me.”
 
“Beca, I’m a lawyer,” Aubrey said. “I can just legally crush them.”
 
“And now we’re taking a brief mental detour of you in seriously hot suits and
shit,” Beca said a little dreamily. Aubrey laughed but leaned in and captured
her lips.
 
“Do we need to talk about last night?” Aubrey asked quietly.
 
“If you want,” Beca said. “Coffee first?” They caught the eye of the waiter and
asked for coffee, choosing not to continue their discussion until it had been
brought to the table. Beca let her hand rest on Aubrey’s leg, Aubrey settling
her hand on top and letting their fingers interlace. Once they had gotten their
coffee, Beca decided she wanted to go first.
 
“I don’t think we need a massive debriefing about it,” Beca said. “But I feel
like we were both ready, and it was amazing. I’m more in love with you than
ever, Bree, and I’m like… beyond happy.” Aubrey was grinning.
 
“I think you’re right on all counts,” Aubrey said. “I’m glad that we waited and
that we didn’t hurry into it. But last night was perfect and I’m happy too. I
love you so much.” She kissed Beca quickly and they returned their attention to
their coffee. Aubrey lamented that she did, in fact, have some work that she
had to do.
 
“Boo,” said Beca. “Nah, I’ve got some phone calls to make and things to take
care of.”
 
“And I’m having dinner with Chloe,” Aubrey added.
 
“How is Dr Beale?”
 
“How is she always?”
 
“Overly cheerful, a little tired but loving her job and her life,” Beca said.
 
“She’s nothing if not consistent,” Aubrey said.
 
“Come on, I’ll drop you at your place,” Beca said. She paid the check and they
headed back to Beca’s car.
 
“Do you need to grab anything from mine?” Beca asked. Aubrey shook her head.
 
“Nothing vital,” she said. Beca drove her home and walked her up to her
apartment even after she protested it wasn’t necessary. But Beca wanted to
spend a moment just kissing her in the doorway, taking a second to get lost in
the embrace. Aubrey didn’t need to be persuaded, she was more than happy to
succumb.
 
“Free tomorrow?” Aubrey asked after they finally separated. She pushed some
hair back from Beca’s face as the smaller girl nodded.
 
“Call me any time,” Beca said. She left a last peck on Aubrey’s lips before she
let her go back inside. Her phone began ringing when she was about ten minutes
out from her place, so she hit the answer button on the Bluetooth.
 
“Hello?” she asked.
 
“Becs, what are you doing?” Stacie said. “I’m bored.”
 
“Why aren’t you working?” Beca asked. “Don’t you live at Conrad Wade now?”
 
“I’ve been unceremoniously kicked out for the weekend,” Stacie said. “If I show
up they won’t even let me in. James and I are going for a day trip tomorrow but
he’s with his cousin doing something for most of the day.”
 
“I’m about to get home and I was planning on doing some work,” Beca said. “But
drop round and hang out, we can grab dinner later.”
 
“Deal,” Stacie said. “I’ll bring coffee and donuts.”
 
“I’ll be in the studio,” Beca said. She got home and kicked her shoes off,
grabbed a bottle of water and headed for the studio. There was a mostly unused
desk on one side of the room, but Beca parked herself there today. She tugged a
notepad out of a drawer and began to make a list of people she could call about
helping out with her Save the Arts fundraiser. After she’d done that she
flipped the page and began writing out ideas in general for what she wanted to
do.
 
Stacie knocked on the door a while later as Beca was creating her third list
(of possible venues), holding a cardboard tray with two coffees and some
donuts. Beca looked up and smiled.
 
“Sit down, just let me finish this up,” Beca said. Stacie moved toward the
couch and sat down, not bothering to wait for Beca before she grabbed a donut.
Beca was only a moment longer before she grabbed her own.
 
“What are you working on?” Stacie asked. “Not music, obviously.”
 
“No, a Save the Arts thing,” Beca said. She told Stacie about her ideas so far.
 
“Sounds awesome,” Stacie said. “Make sure James and I can get an invite to
that.”
 
“For sure,” Beca said. “So, weekend off?”
 
“I know it sounded like I was complaining before but it’s actually quite nice,”
Stacie said. “Eli just called me out hard, said there was no use working myself
to the point of exhaustion because Lilah is already off and they can’t afford
both of us incapacitated. Plus he’s perfectly capable. And it was nice to see
James in daylight hours.”
 
“How is James?” Beca asked.
 
“Really good,” Stacie said. “I mean, we see each other almost every day and
spend a lot of nights together so it’s not like we’re not seeing each other at
all. But once this book keeper starts next week I’ll be less stressed about
that and hopefully I’ll get home earlier of an evening.”
 
“But you guys-”
 
“Still happy, still in love,” Stacie said. “What about you and Aubrey?”
 
“We might have hit a fairly significant milestone last night,” Beca said.
Stacie didn’t need additional hints.
 
“You finally slept with her,” she said. “Thank Christ. I’m assuming all went
perfectly well.”
 
“It was perfect,” Beca said. “We were out for a work thing and came home and
the whole night was just amazing.”
 
“You’re deep in love, aren’t you Mitchell?” Stacie said.
 
“Yep,” Beca said. “Sorry not sorry. Nah, like… everything felt right last
night. I wouldn’t have changed a thing, wouldn’t go back and do it earlier.”
 
“So you and Aubrey are like mega serious,” Stacie said. “I know you’ve both
said some shit about how much is riding on this.”
 
“I’ve told you where I stand on it, Stace,” Beca said. “It’s gotta work with
Aubrey or it’s not going to work with anyone. She said the same.”
 
“She did?”
 
“She said it’s always been me,” Beca said. “That she was ready to live the rest
of her life alone knowing that we’d had that one night but if we never got to
be together again it would be enough. She’s not even dated anyone else.”
 
“Normally I’d say that’s mildly concerning but with everything Bree has been
through, I can’t say I’m surprised,” Stacie said. “But everything was okay? No…
issues?”
 
“None,” Beca said. “And I worried about that a lot. But last night it was like
none of that even happened. Neither of us thought about it for a second. She’s
at home taking care of some work, and she’s having dinner with Chlo later.”
 
“When are Chloe and Tom getting married?” Stacie asked.
 
“I think next spring?” Beca said. “They weren’t in a hurry. He’s a good guy.
Was a bit of a dick in college, but then again, most college guys are dicks.”
 
“True,” Stacie said. “James is out with his cousin. Cousin’s getting married in
about two months. So that’ll be one of those big family occasions.”
 
“Yeah, that’s gotta be a little terrifying,” Beca said.
 
“Well, I met his mom and she’s nice,” Stacie said. “James is going to make sure
I’m seated near her at the wedding, he’s one of the groomsmen.”
 
“So Stace,” Beca said, “You know I’m all in with Bree. You and James?”
 
“I’m invested,” she said. “I’ve thought about future scenarios. If he were to
propose now it would still be no, but down the track I can see it. And you know
me.”
 
“Yeah, you’re not one to think about these things with just anyone,” Beca said.
“Come on, let’s try and narrow down somewhere to eat.” Stacie’s phone began
ringing in her pocket.
 
“It’s James,” Stacie said. “Won’t be a sec.” Beca took her own phone out of her
pocket as she headed into the living room and sent a text to Aubrey.
 
I love you. Let’s go on a day trip tomorrow. Drive up the coast and do nothing.
 
She waited a few moments before she got the text back.
 
Sounds perfect. Call me in the morning.
 
Another closely followed.
 
And I love you too.
 
Aubrey stuck her phone back into her pocket. Chloe would be arriving any minute
for dinner. She had the wine ready and they tended to order Indian whenever
Chloe came over because Tom wasn’t a fan. There was a knock on the door and
Aubrey went to let Chloe in.
 
She was so glad that she and Chloe were best friends. Because she loved Beca, a
lot, but it was completely necessary for her to have a close friend to confide
in. And she and Chloe had always been that for each other. She hugged her and
they made their way to the couch. Aubrey snagged the wine and some glasses and
pulled out her phone.
 
“Usual?” she asked.
 
“Yep,” Chloe said. “Get extra naan though.” Aubrey called their usual spot and
ordered their usual meals, then poured them both wine.
 
“What’s Tom doing tonight?” Aubrey asked.
 
“Going to a sports bar with some of his workmates,” Chloe said. “And I don’t
know why we’re talking about that when you mentioned casually in a text that
you and Beca finally slept together.” Aubrey blushed as memories of the
previous night flashed through her mind.
 
“We did,” Aubrey said. “It was perfect.”
 
“I’m glad,” Chloe said.
 
“It was…” she thought for a moment, a manicured finger tapping the rim of her
wine glass. “The first time I slept with Beca, years ago. That was perfect. And
even through all the stuff that came after, if I never got to do that again,
I’d still be happy with that one night. But last night was everything. And it
was a million times better because I didn’t have the overwhelming anxiety and
fear of mom and dad. I woke up and she was in my arms and she’s beautiful and I
love her.” She was aware she was rambling. Chloe was looking at her with tears
in her eyes. She leaned forward and pulled her best friend into a hug.
 
“God Bree,” Chloe said. “I’m so happy for you and Beca. I know that we all had
a rough patch before we found out and I’m sorry-”
 
“Chlo,” Aubrey said, taking her hand. “I know you guys feel bad. But I don’t
want you all to keep thinking about that. You only had a tiny part of the
information and at first read anyone else would have thought the same. I don’t
harbor bad feelings to any of you for protecting Beca. I’m glad you did.
Because she means the world to me and if it wasn’t for you and Stace, she
wouldn’t have made it and then I wouldn’t have her now.”
 
“How can you not be mad at us though?” Chloe asked in a small voice.
 
“Because I made it very clear that my problems were mine,” Aubrey said. “That
was my fault. I can’t be mad at you guys when it was my own choice not to tell
you. Since you and Stacie found out you’ve both been so amazing and supportive.
I can’t be mad. If I stay mad, then I stay stuck in the past and that’s not
what I want. I want a future. With my best friend, and my girlfriend.”
 
“Yeah, well, you’re always gonna have me,” Chloe said. Aubrey smiled it her. It
was a bit more of an intense conversation than she’d been planning on having
that night, but it felt important.
 
“I love you, Chlo,” Aubrey said.
 
“Yeah, I love you too,” Chloe said. “Anyway, Tom and I have finally actually
looked at planning some of this wedding and I’ve been meaning to ask you, well.
I don’t want a maid of honor if it isn’t you, Bree.”
 
“Of course,” Aubrey said. “I’d be honored, Chloe. So you’ve finally started
planning?”
 
“Yeah,” Chloe said. “We’ve been engaged almost a year and we’ve had a timeline
of when we want to get married but we kind of realised we actually need to make
a plan. So far we’ve got a bridal party picked out and a reception venue short
list.”
 
“Who’s the bridal party?”
 
“Tom’s brother is his best man, you remember Daniel?” Chloe said. “Then his
friends Oliver from college and Felix from work. And apart from you, I’ve got
Katie and I’m hoping Beca says yes.” Katie was a friend Chloe had gone to med
school and now worked with.
 
“You want Beca to be a bridesmaid?”
 
“Of course,” Chloe said. “Reckon she’ll say yes?”
 
“I think she’ll complain about dresses and heels, but yeah she will,” Aubrey
said. “We’re going to take a drive up the coast tomorrow.”
 
“Any particular plan?”
 
“Nope,” Aubrey said. “Beca keeps telling me the California coast is beautiful.”
 
“It is,” Chloe agreed. “So… are you going to marry Beca?” Aubrey put her empty
glass down.
 
“One day,” she said. “I want to. And I think… despite what people might assume
about me being a hell of a lot more feminine than her, I need to be the one to
propose to her. She might fight me on it, but I want to be the one who promises
never to leave. Because she’s never broken a promise to me, and I have to make
some promises to her that I actually keep.”
 
“Wow,” Chloe said.
 
“Not, like, tomorrow,” Aubrey said. “But I’m definitely going to marry her. I
can’t imagine any kind of happiness that compares to what that’s going to be
like.” There was a buzz as the delivery driver arrived and Aubrey got up to let
them into the building so she could pay. While she was occupied, Chloe tugged
her phone out and texted Beca.
 
Bree’s so happy, Becs. It looks good on her. Glad you two are making it work.
 
Beca studied the text as she and Stacie waited for their steak. An involuntary
smile flashed across her face as she read it. She was glad Aubrey was happy.
Aubrey was making her happier than she ever remembered being.
 
“What’s the smile about?”
 
“Just Chloe,” Beca said. “Nothing important.” She put her phone back down and
picked up her beer. As she sipped it she couldn’t help but think about Aubrey
and how happy they were together. She didn’t want to wait until morning to see
her again, but for Stacie, she would.
***** Chapter 25 *****
Aubrey was sitting up in bed the next morning, drinking coffee as she read her
book. It was early but not too early when a text came through from Beca asking
if she could be ready in an hour, and to wear a bathing suit. She texted back
that she would be ready and then got out of bed to head for the shower.
 
She was looking forward to spending the day doing nothing with Beca, getting
out and driving, nothing else on their schedule. She showered and changed into
her swimsuit, sliding into a pair of denim shorts and a soft cotton tee,
remembering to grab her sunglasses just as Beca knocked on the door. She called
out for Beca to come in so she could grab her shoes.
 
When she entered the living room, Beca was perched on the arm of the couch
wearing a white tee she’d apparently liberated after the Save The Arts
photoshoot and a pair of navy shorts with her standard converse. She kissed her
girlfriend hello.
 
“You good to go?” Beca asked.
 
“Do you need me to bring anything?” Aubrey asked. “Towel?”
 
“I brought a couple towels with me. I was thinking we might stop and grab some
food, make a picnic out of it,” she said. “Once we get out of the city there
won’t be a shortage of nice places to sit in the sun, and I think we could get
up to Santa Barbara. Do you have like a picnic rug or something?”
 
“Yeah, I do, hang on,” Aubrey said. She disappeared and dug out the rug,
returned to the living room, and they headed out. Beca navigated them to a
Trader Joe’s on the way out of the city where they stopped off and grabbed some
food, stowing it all into a cooler in Beca’s backseat. They left the food there
temporarily to grab coffee at a nearby Starbucks and then returned to the car,
hoping to head out of the city as quickly as possible.
 
Once they’d blown past all the hustle and bustle, the stretches of road getting
longer and windier, they wound the windows down and turned the stereo up. They
both sang along, Aubrey’s hand resting on Beca’s knee. The younger woman
occasionally let her fingers tangle with Aubrey’s when she didn’t need both
hands for driving, the two of them just happy to be out and away from the city.
 
Aubrey loved LA, she did. But this was the first time she’d really been out of
the city and just driven somewhere for the fun of it rather than necessity. But
the sun was beaming down, the wind was throwing both of their hair around as
they drove, and Aubrey couldn’t think of a better way to spend a Sunday. They
were in the car around two hours before Aubrey spotted signs informing them
that were in Santa Barbara.
 
“Thought we might have something quick to eat and then wander around the
national park for a bit,” Beca said. “Then maybe lunch down at the beach, lay
in the sun, bit of a swim.”
 
“Sounds perfect,” Aubrey said.
 
“And depending on how tired we are, we might hang around for sunset,” Beca
said. “We’d get home a little late, but once you see the sunset here you’ll
understand.”
 
“A romantic sunset with you?” Aubrey said. “You don’t need to convince me,
Beca.”
 
“Great,” Beca said. She parked the car and they got out, stretching their legs.
They grabbed bottles of water from the cooler and ate something before they
headed out for a bit of a hike through the park.
 
“Have you come here before?” Aubrey asked. Beca seemed to know where she was
going.
 
“Yeah,” Beca said. “Stacie and I have hiked this trail a couple of times over
the years. It doesn’t take too long and the view is worth it.” While the path
was still flat enough, they entwined hands as they walked, chatting a little
but not too much. Once the trail got a bit more challenging they reluctantly
let go and powered on, stopping once or twice to sip from their water bottles.
 
But as they reached the ending point of the trail, Aubrey decided that Beca was
right. It was definitely worth it. The scenery spread out before them was
gorgeous, all sun kissed and golden.
 
“It’s beautiful,” Aubrey said. They rested there for a while, snapped a couple
of pictures together as they did so. Then they turned and headed back, eager
for lunch now that they’d worked up an appetite.
 
They ate on the picnic rug at a nearby beach, Beca having driven them to one
she knew of. It was a picturesque stretch of sand, a few families dotting the
sand here and there, a few random surfers out in the swell despite there not
being much to catch in terms of waves. They’d decided on spending an afternoon
at the beach, enjoying the sun while they could.
 
Aubrey stripped off her clothes and spread herself out on the blanket, happy to
sun herself for a while as their lunch digested. Beca eagerly offered to put
sunblock on her, and did so before she removed her own outer clothes. Aubrey
sat up and returned the favor, Beca conceding that she was the type to burn
otherwise. Then they stretched out next to each other, without any need for
speaking, to soak up the sun.
 
When Aubrey found herself getting quite hot, she figured it would be time to
take a dip and cool off. Beca had slipped into a light doze but it didn’t take
a lot of effort to wake her. They both stuck their sunglasses on and headed
toward the water hand in hand.
 
It was a cold shock to begin with, but they soon acclimatized to it, letting
the water wash up their ankles for a moment, then up to their knees. They waded
out further, waist high. It was actually quite nice at this point. Beca
submerged herself under the water and came back up, shaking her hair back off
her face as she reappeared. Aubrey followed suit and they inched toward each
other. Eventually Aubrey wrapped her arms around Beca from behind as they
simply stood in the water.
 
“This is a pretty great way to spend a day, in my book,” Beca said.
 
“I think so too,” Aubrey said. “I’m really looking forward to doing as much of
this with you as I can.”
 
“We should try and take a weekend trip soon,” Beca said. “Have you ever been to
Napa? There are some pretty awesome bed and breakfast type places all through
there.”
 
“Sounds great,” Aubrey said. “You and Stacie?”
 
“Yeah,” Beca said. “We’ve been each others date for just about everything since
she got her ass out here. But she’ll get bumped down the order any day if it
means a romantic little getaway with you. Good wine, great food, no work,
beautiful scenery…” Aubrey leaned down and kissed the crook of her neck softly.
 
Beca tilted her head at first so there was more room, but soon enough she
turned and wrapped her arms around Aubrey’s neck. Their lips connected softly,
sweetly, not pushing toward anything that might be considered inappropriate on
a public beach. Aubrey kissed her on the forehead and they waded back toward
shore, not getting out but walking down the shoreline, feet dragging in the
ankle deep water. They soon grew thirsty and headed back to their blanket. They
were almost dry by this point, so as they rehydrated themselves they dried off
completely.
 
“So for dinner there are a couple great places nearby,” Beca said. “If we want
to catch the sunset and still get home at a reasonable hour for work, it’ll
actually be a take out kind of situation but that’s totally doable.”
 
“Probably for the best considering we aren’t really dressed for fine dining,”
Aubrey pointed out.
 
“True,” Beca said. “Spanish?”
 
“Ooh, yes please,” Aubrey said. They spent a few moments collecting their
things together and then headed back to the car. Beca stowed all their stuff in
the backseat but they let it air for a moment since it had gotten so hot.
 
The place Beca had picked to get food at was a short drive away, but they were
soon in possession of a good amount of food between them. They drove up to a
little spot on a beachside cliff, Beca tugging the picnic rug back out and
setting it on top of the hood of the car so they could sit there to eat and
watch as the sun went down.
 
Once they were done, Aubrey shuffled over toward Beca, the younger woman
leaning her head down onto her shoulder. She wrapped an arm around her and
appreciated how beautiful the sunset really was. She’d seen her share of nice
sunsets, but this one, courtesy of the Santa Barbara coastline, the perfect day
she’d spent with Beca beforehand, it was easily the best.
 
“It’s beautiful,” Aubrey said.
 
“Yeah,” was all Beca said in response. They waited until the sun had almost
disappeared, the slight chill of the evening beginning to set in. Aubrey slid
off the car first, pulling Beca into a long kiss.
 
“Today has been quite possibly the best day of my life,” she said honestly.
Beca tucked some stray hair back behind Aubrey’s ear.
 
“Me too,” Beca said. “It’s been perfect.” She kissed Aubrey again before they
got back in the car.
 
“So, do you want me to take you home or do you want to just come back to mine?”
Beca asked. “I can wake you early so you can go home before work.”
 
“What about if you stay at mine?” Aubrey said. Beca thought for a moment. That
actually made a lot more sense. She pretty much didn’t have to be at work until
the first appointment for the day and that was with the accountant at ten.
Aubrey would have to be there a lot earlier. She hadn’t stayed at Aubrey’s yet,
so why not start tonight?
 
“Sure,” Beca said. “We should make good time coming back, the peak hour traffic
will be all gone.” She started the car and they headed toward home.
 
They detoured briefly for a couple of moments to grab a cup of takeaway coffee
to fuel the rest of the trip. Beca had selected a different playlist for the
way back, something a lot more mellow. Aubrey again sat with her hand on Beca’s
knee, switching from looking out the window at the dark night sky to sneaking
glances at Beca as she drove. This kind of happiness was so unreal it felt like
a dream.
 
It was late when they got back to Aubrey’s apartment. They had just enough time
to take a quick shower, washing the remnants of salt and sand from their bodies
before changing into oversized tees and wrapping themselves in each other’s
arms as they fell into a deep sleep.
 
Aubrey was in the shower when Beca woke the next morning. She knew it would
have to be relatively early, but she stumbled out of bed regardless and set
some coffee going. She was just pouring two cups when she heard Aubrey coming
up behind her.
 
“I didn’t expect you to get up so early,” Aubrey said. “Sorry if I woke you.”
 
“No, it’s fine,” Beca said. “I made coffee. Plus it’ll give me plenty of time
to get back home, get my shit together so I can sit down with the accountant.”
 
“Accountant?”
 
“Yeah, I have to see him about one work related thing, one personal thing,”
Beca said. “I’ve been meaning to give Miles a raise for a long time but it
keeps getting put on the backburner. So I told Jenna I needed to do it now, she
thought I’d already done it months ago. And then I want to ask how much I can
reasonably donate to Save the Arts.”
 
“Oh, that’s a big move,” Aubrey said.
 
“I was talking about it with the guys and Chelsea the other day, and it’s like,
I can give them my face and my time, but I can also give them resources you
know?” she said. “My personal wealth is more than I need and I should be
willing to back the cause. What’s on your plate this week?”
 
“A client’s estate is being contested in court,” Aubrey said. “He left it to
the kids including one estranged half sibling. Kids think half sibling isn’t
entitled. But he locked that will up airtight, and he added a clause that’s
really going to mess with the three kids.”
 
“What’s that?”
 
“Any child who contests the estate division in court forfeits their share in
its entirety,” Aubrey said. Beca did a double take.
 
“What?” she said. “Dude, that’s cold. But kind of awesome. So these kids are
going to lose it all?”
 
“Well this is the first hearing on this matter so technically I’ll have to tell
them this clause exists,” Aubrey said. “From that point they’ll likely still
want to fight it because they kind of seem like assholes. But they won’t get
around the will, it’s too clear cut. One of our senior partners wrote it and
he’s bulletproof with this stuff.”
 
“So what happens if one sibling doesn’t want to fight?”
 
“Then the money still goes to that sibling,” Aubrey said. “But the ones who
contest it, their cash goes to the estranged brother. Because any point of
contention in the estate would be because they don’t consider him a legitimate
part of the family. The old man wanted it set up so that anyone who challenges
his status as heir not only lost their share but saw it gifted to the half
brother. Kooky old guy, apparently.”
 
“Law is motherfucking confusing,” Beca said. Aubrey laughed and kissed her on
the cheek before she drained her cup. Beca followed her back into the bedroom
and found her shorts.
 
“I’m gonna take off,” Beca said. “Call me later?”
 
“For sure,” Aubrey said. She leaned over and kissed Beca softly. “Love you.”
 
“Love you, too.” Beca got her stuff and headed down to the car and then drove
herself home. She immediately headed for the bathroom and took a long hot
shower. Then she changed and picked up a few things she needed for work before
she headed back out.
 
She got to the office in time to get herself sorted to go and see the
accountant. They technically had three, but she pretty much only dealt with the
head accountant. He was an older guy named Rob, probably had a good thirty
years on her. But he was great with their finances and he was kind of like a
surly old uncle to Beca.
 
She got her personal business out of the way first, wanting to find out what
kind of charitable donation would support the kinds of things she had in mind
for Save The Arts without being a complete ass and putting herself at massive
financial risk. He was frank with his advice, recommending a ballpark figure
and saying the final amount would be dependent on a few variables. Beca trusted
him. She could admit she didn’t actually know her own material worth at any
given point, be she reckoned Rob would know, almost down to the dollar.
 
The next conversation was about Miles and his pay increase. Rob inevitably gave
her a bit of stick about how long it had taken Beca to bump up his salary, and
Beca added that she wanted to give him a lump sum bonus to rectify that.
 
“Lump sum?” he said. “You know Jenna needs to sign off on that.”
 
“She did,” Beca said, digging around in her bag. She came out with a letter
that Jenna had signed and dated on Friday saying she was in agreement to a one
time payment to Miles of a specific amount. “She also thinks I’m a bonehead for
waiting so long.”
 
Rob picked up his phone and spoke to one of the others, instructing them to
have the check drawn up and bring it in so they could sign off. He didn’t
question the salary increase - BPM paid their staff well and were rewarded for
hard work. Plus Miles was the kind of employee who was worth it. While they
waited for the check, he ran the new salary figures into payroll so that it
would be set for the next pay and they sat and chatted comfortably.
 
“How’s the wife?” Beca asked. Rob’s wife was a semi retired artist. She wasn’t
very social - Rob had said that there were some mental health issues but she
did pop up from time to time. She was nice. Reserved. But nice.
 
“She’s okay,” Rob said. “Her sister isn’t doing so well, Lydia is going to fly
out and help her out for a month or so.”
 
“Anything I can do?”
 
“Nah,” he said. “She’s having some kind of surgery and just needs a hand around
the house for a bit. What about the girlfriend?”
 
“She’s perfect, Rob,” Beca said. “Perfect.” The check arrived and Rob signed it
off, with Beca’s additional signature, and he placed it in an envelope and
handed it to her.
 
“Try not to get mugged on the way upstairs,” he said.
 
“I won’t,” Beca said. “And I’ll get you figures on that other stuff when I have
them. It’s not an immediate thing.”
 
“Any time,” he said. Beca thanked him and headed upstairs to her office. She
asked Miles to come in with her and close the door. This wasn’t exactly new
protocol for them, so he wasn’t worried in the slightest.
 
“So,” Beca said, gesturing for him to sit. “There’s a pretty glaring problem
around the place that I’ve been really shit at dealing with, and I’ve finally
gotten off my ass and dealt with it.”
 
“What’s that?” he asked.
 
“You’re an outstanding assistant,” Beca said. “Seriously, Miles. You go far and
above what’s expected of your role, and you mean a lot both to me personally
and the BPM brand. And whilst I’m sure you would say that your pay is pretty
good, Jenna and I both feel that you’re being drastically undervalued.”
 
“Oh?” he said. “I’m not going to pretend that’s not good to hear.”
 
“So we’re increasing your salary,” Beca said. “I’ve been down to see Rob and
your base salary will be increased by thirty two percent, effective next pay
cycle.”
 
“Wow,” he said, losing his composure for a moment. “That’s very generous, Beca,
thank you.”
 
“You’re worth it,” she said. “But I also want to apologise that it’s taken so
long for me to get around to this. So Jenna and I agreed to a bonus sum as a
one time payment.” She took the envelope out and slid it across to him. He
opened it, and to his credit his only tell was that his eyebrows rose sharply.
 
“Oh, this is too much,” he said.
 
“Not really,” Beca shrugged. “But that’s a one time, need to know kind of deal.
No bragging to the others that I’m sliding checks everywhere.”
 
“Beca, thank you,” he said. “This is… incredible. May I tell you something
personal?”
 
“Of course,” she said.
 
“I’ve been saving money,” he said. “To buy an engagement ring. This is going to
cover the ring, and the engagement party, and quite possibly some of the
wedding itself.”
 
“You’re going to ask Sarah to marry you?”
 
“It’s been in the plan for a while,” he said. “I’ve known for a long time that
she’s the one. Longer than people would hazard a guess at. Is that weird?”
 
“Miles, I’m dating a woman who has literally been The One for over six years,
closer to eight,” she said.
 
“You’re gonna marry her?” Miles asked. It might be a weird conversation between
most bosses and employees, but Miles was also a friend.
 
“I am,” Beca said. “One day I’ll tell you all about the saga that informs the
Aubrey and me situation. But we are both a hundred percent sure that this will
end in a wedding. You just know, dude. You can’t explain it.”
 
“I know what you mean,” he said. “Though, again. Thank you.”
 
“You’re kind of instrumental around here,” Beca said. “My ass would be lost
without you. We just want you to know that we appreciate you.”
 
“I definitely feel the love today,” he said. “Anything else you need a hand
with before I head back to my desk?”
 
“Yeah, try and get me a sit down with Save the Arts sometime in the next
month,” she said. “I feel like momentum is important.” He nodded and got up,
Beca telling him to leave the door open. Beca grabbed a bottle of water from
the fridge in the corner, and when she turned around she was surprised to see
Miles back in her office holding her laptop.
 
“What’s up?” she said.
 
“We have a slight problem,” he said. “It’s small at the moment, but your name
popped up in a story out of Atlanta.” Beca grew a little uneasy. Atlanta meant
Barden, meant her dad.
 
“What does it say?”
 
“Beca Mitchell ignores care of critically ill family despite pleas for help,”
he said delicately. Beca’s mind went from blank to raging at once but she took
a deep breath.
 
“Oh. Right.”
***** Chapter 26 *****
Miles watched for a moment as Beca seemed to have a brief internal dialogue
with herself before she spoke again. Then she read the story on Miles' laptop.
 
"I need to speak with Aubrey as soon as possible," she said. "How much noise is
there around this?"
 
"Next to none - for now," he said. "What's the appropriate response if I get a
question?"
 
"The matter is currently being handled by our lawyers," Beca said. She sighed
and leveled with him. "This bit is need to know. My father emailed me a little
while ago and demanded I give him three hundred grand for his wife's medical
treatment."
 
"The wife who kicked you out, then the two of them abandoned you when you had
just barely turned eighteen?" Miles asked. They were close enough that he at
least knew that part of her backstory. 
 
"The very same one," Beca said. "Aubrey filed a cease and desist letter because
the email included a specific threat to tarnish my reputation if I didn't."
 
"Beca, that's blackmail," he said.
 
"I am aware of this," Beca said. "So he was warned off with the promise of a
blackmail suit if he persisted. Which, it seems, he ignored." Miles drummed his
nails on the desk top.
 
"Aubrey's going to crush him in court, isn't she?" he said.
 
"I reckon so." Miles promised he'd try and kill the story as quickly as he
could and Beca dialed Aubrey's office.
 
"Hey," Aubrey said.
 
"Hey," Beca said. "Weirdly, this is a business call. Guess which hometown local
paper ran a news story today alleging me of abandoning my sick stepmother in
her hour of need?"
 
"They are monumentally stupid," Aubrey sighed. "I'm on it. Suit will be filed
by the end of the day."  Beca had deliberated a potential next move in this
situation for a while but she ultimately didn't want to give those people
anything. She knew it would mean filing a suit alleging blackmail, but Aubrey
said from her standpoint the case would be a breeze.
 
"Office is handling all enquiries by saying it's under the control of the legal
team," Beca said. "What do we need to do?"
 
"That'll cover you guys," Aubrey said. "They can direct any questions to us, me
or Ruby. But the next issue is going to be how much detail you want to disclose
about this. People will ask."
 
"I don't care if you tell them everything," Beca said honestly. "They threw me
out without even blinking when I was eighteen. I haven't heard a sound from
them until that email and he has the audacity to demand money and paint me as a
villain?"
 
"I know," Aubrey said soothingly. "We will handle it. Everyone who knows you
knows what kind of person you are, that you’re not like that. What are you
doing tonight?"
 
"Therapy first. Then nothing."
 
"I'll be at yours when you get home," Aubrey said. "I love you, okay?"
 
"I love you too." She hung up feeling a lot better. But she kind of also wanted
to call Stacie. Aubrey would handle it, it'd be fine, and she'd one hundred
percent support her and back her and give her all the support she needed.
Stacie would too, but it would also be different. She didn't have the same
rational filter. She texted her the brief summary and her phone immediately
rang.
 
"That motherfucker!" she spat. Beca smiled. She wanted to hear someone call him
that. "Piece of shit, I swear to god I'll fucking murder him myself and that
bitch too, sick or not. Fucking assholes."
 
"Yeah," Beca said. "Aubrey's gonna handle it but I was after some anger."
 
"Beca, it's bullshit!" Stacie said. "He didn't offer you a fucking dime after
he heard you were gay and cut you off overnight. The fortune you built is
yours, and he has balls the size of Hawaii if he thinks he's gonna just
magically tell the papers you're a heartless bitch for ignoring them and not
feel the heat on such a god damn lie."
 
"He'll be served with a blackmail suit very soon," Beca said. "I'd be happier
not dealing with him ever again." 
 
"Want me to come over and we'll get drunk later?" Stacie said. "I was gonna
stay with James-"
 
"No don't cancel your plans," Beca said. "I have therapy and then Bree is
coming over to cheer me up. But you and James should have dinner with us
sometime soon."
 
"For sure," Stacie said. "Holler if you need me."
 
"Always."
 
"Love you Beca."
 
"Love you too, Stacie." Even though Stacie had responded the exact way she had
wanted her to, the whole situation kind of threw her in a funk for the rest of
the day. She had a few things she had to do, and she managed to get them done,
but it was a hard thing to just forget and let go of. When she got to therapy
that afternoon, the therapist could clearly see she was bothered by something.
 
"What's wrong?" she asked.
 
"Remember how I told you about my dad trying to blackmail me?" Beca said.
 
"Yep."
 
"He went to the local paper back home and told them I'm - what was the
phrasing? - condemning an innocent woman to death because of a silly
disagreement," she said.
 
"I wouldn't call completely disowning you and cutting off all ties with you a
silly disagreement," her therapist said. "They yelled at you for hours and
tossed you out with the clothes on your back and your backpack."
 
"Yeah I know," Beca said. "But soon enough bigger media outlets are gonna get a
hold of the story. And even though I've got a bit of experience in having my
personal life broadcast everywhere this feels like it's gonna hurt, you know?"
 
"It probably will," her therapist agreed. "But you know the truth and you have
that, and your integrity, and a whole bunch of people who are willing to
testify to the kind of person that you are. So it might hurt, for a while. But
how much more will it hurt to give them what they want and know that
ultimately, they despise you simply for who you are, on principle?"
 
"Yeah I know dude. But saying it out loud makes me feel better," she said. "I
called Aubrey and she is all over the legalities and stuff and she was super
rational about the whole thing. And Stacie was all angry and indignant on my
behalf. They kind of covered the entire range of responses I went through in my
head when Miles told me about the story." They kept talking for the rest of the
session, a lot more about her dad and Sheila than about her and Aubrey. But
therapy was therapy, and if that was what was on her mind, then that’s what
she’d talk about.
 
It was still plaguing heavily on her when she got home. But Aubrey’s car was in
the drive - always carefully parked on the far side so Beca wouldn’t struggle
to get her car in the garage - and when she opened the door she could hear
singing.
 
She immediately felt lighter. It was just the fact that Aubrey was here,
waiting. She followed the sound of her voice until she found her. The blonde
was sitting on the back patio. She had a glass of wine next to her and there
was music playing from the system Beca had installed a while ago. But Aubrey
was singing along and just sitting there, waiting.
 
Beca leaned against the door frame, watching for a moment. It was a beautiful
sight. She didn’t know how long she’d been staring for, but it evidently was
long enough for Aubrey to sense her there and turn around.
 
“Hey,” Aubrey said. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you come in.” She got up and Beca
allowed herself to be wrapped warmly in her arms. It felt safe and comfortable
and she wanted to stay there a long time. Luckily, Aubrey was happy to let her
stay there for as long as she liked. When she finally did let go, Aubrey kissed
her softly on the temple.
 
“How was the rest of your day?” she asked quietly.
 
“Couldn’t really concentrate,” Beca admitted. “Talked about it a lot at therapy
though. It feels like a really shitty thing to have happen right when
everything is going so great.”
 
“I know,” Aubrey said. “We can talk about it, if you like, or not talk about it
at all. I thought maybe we could get some burgers and go sit at the parking lot
you like, and just be alone, together, away from everything else.” Beca stepped
in and kissed her soundly.
 
“Yes please,” she said. “That sounds perfect. Let’s get burgers and ignore all
this shit, just forget it’s even happening. We can deal with it on work time,
since it’s being handled as a work issue.”
 
“And I hope you don’t mind but I have invited myself to stay tonight,” Aubrey
said. “I just want to be close to you so you don’t feel alone.” It brought
another smile to Beca’s face.
 
“I love you, Aubrey,” Beca said. “I’m so glad you’re here. Let me shower and
we’ll take off.” She went and took a quick shower, throwing on jeans and a
shirt before meeting Aubrey downstairs.
 
“Want me to drive tonight?” Aubrey asked. “You still seem… a little out of
sorts. We can take my car.”
 
“Sure,” Beca said. They headed for Dirty Burger and then up to the parking lot.
They sat in the car to eat and then moved to the backseat. Beca wasn’t new to
backseat encounters, but this type of arrangement was definitely a first.
Aubrey just pulled her in close, held her, softly hummed along to the stereo
and occasionally kissed the top of her head. It was just what she needed. She
had Stacie, yes. The girl was her sister in every way that counted. But this
intimate familiarity, this comfort from someone who truly knew and understood
what was happening. She hated to use spiritual terms, but she felt a calmness
deep in her soul.
 
“Come on,” Aubrey said eventually. “It’s getting late.” Beca nodded and they
relocated into the front seats so Aubrey could drive them back home. Once they
got home they just changed and crawled into bed, quiet kisses becoming a long,
unhurried entanglement. Aubrey didn’t know what was going on inside Beca’s head
but she felt like she was deeply in the middle of something. She didn’t think
Beca was trying to have sex with her to avoid it, but everything felt more
intense than it usually did - no mean feat considering their history.
 
As the clock rang midnight in the house, Aubrey pulled Beca toward her, their
naked legs tangling together.
 
“You okay?” Aubrey said. “You’ve gone quiet.” Beca paused for a moment, hand
lightly playing with the ends of Aubrey’s hair. She still looked incredibly
pensive.
 
“Yeah, I’m totally fine,” Beca said. “But… I just realised how perfectly the
puzzle pieces have fit together. I was sitting in the backseat of the car with
you and no single innocuous thing has ever meant that much to me, felt so
right. And I got quiet, probably, but it was because I didn’t need anything
else. No other words, no other actions.” Aubrey was slightly overcome by her
words. She shuffled down a little to kiss her.
 
“Everything is perfect about this,” Aubrey agreed. “We both have so many jagged
edges from what’s happened to us, what we’ve been through. But somehow we fit
together seamlessly. I feel whole with you, Beca. I know I’m my own person and
I’m whole on my own, but it’s different. It’s hard to explain.”
 
“You don’t have to,” Beca said. “Trust me.” She kissed her again. They fell
asleep in a happily muddled tangle of limbs and hair.
 
Beca woke with her arm thrown over Aubrey’s midsection. It was still early, she
could tell by the color of the light slowly filtering into the room. Aubrey was
still asleep, breathing deep and even. She seemed golden even in the pre dawn.
Beca was well aware she was an idiot for thinking such ridiculously poetic
things, but then she chastised herself because that was her girlfriend and
she’d think whatever she wanted, ridiculously poetic or not.
 
There was a soft tone now emitting from Aubrey’s cell - her alarm to wake up.
She jerked a little in her sleep, the quiet sound enough to wake her, and
stirred. She sleepily reached out and fumbled with the phone to get it to stop
making noise. Beca tightened her arm around the blonde’s body and kissed the
back of her exposed shoulder softly.
 
“Morning,” she mumbled.
 
“Morning,” Aubrey replied, voice still not broken in after her sleep. She
allowed herself a few moments to enjoy the embrace with Beca in the quietness.
 
“I love you,” Beca said. “Thanks for staying last night.” Aubrey rolled over.
 
“I love you, too,” she said. “How are you feeling today?”
 
“I feel fine,” Beca said. “Don’t get me wrong, I wish this wasn’t happening at
all, but I’m okay, Bree.”
 
“Good,” she said. “I planned ahead and brought my clothes for work with me. So
we don’t have to get up just yet.” Beca just smiled with a slightly raised
eyebrow and leaned in to kiss her.
 
By the time they were done, they were almost running a little late. Aubrey
could not believe how much time they let pass them by, but Beca argued that she
hadn’t been complaining one bit. The resulting kiss had meant Aubrey had been
willing to be very late for work, but Beca knew that wasn’t the best move for
either of them.
 
They did eventually make it out of the house and off to their respective
workplaces. Beca briefly met up with Miles to see if there were any further
stories coming out about her father.
 
“Not just yet,” Miles said. “I called the Barden Bulletin and asked them to
retract the story. Someone is calling King & Dollin to speak with Ruby later.”
 
“Yeah, Bree said if anyone asks about it, just refer them to her or Ruby, no
statement from us except that it’s being handled by the suits,” Beca said.
 
“I admit I didn’t know much about blackmail,” Miles said. “I mean, I’ve seen it
movies and stuff. But last night I read up on it a bit and yeah, he’s not gonna
win this. He ticks every box.”
 
“When it comes to stuff like that, I’m happy to let Aubrey handle it,” she
said. “When’s my first appointment?”
 
“You’ve got Magnolia Pictures people coming in,” he said. “Then studio time
pretty much from lunchtime til two weeks from now. You good for it?”
 
“Yeah, this one’s more a producing kind of deal,” Beca said. “No songwriting
required by me whatsoever.”
 
“Ah. Producing.” Beca recongised the tone Miles used.
 
“You’ve made some kind of connection there, so just roll with it,” Beca said.
 
“So… Don’t be surprised if the IFA want you and Billie to do one of the
originals from the Echo soundtrack at their awards season launch,” he said.
“She sent an email, I CCd it to you.” Beca went into her office and set herself
up for the morning. As she opened her email she saw the one that Miles had told
her about, a couple of other business ones and then one addressed to her from
Billie.
 
It led with the Independent Film thing, just as Miles had suggested. But then
it got a lot more conversational. Scorsese’s movie was challenging but she was
having a great time. They were in New York for another week and then there was
some stuff they needed to do on green screens and they’d be doing that in LA.
She even mentioned that she’d seen a few snaps of Beca and Aubrey around the
place and it looked like she was happy. It was nice to hear from Billie. She
quickly replied and said she was happy. Working, really excited about the Save
the Arts stuff coming up. Then she asked that when she got back to town she
give her a call or text and they should get together with Stacie, James and
whoever for a drink or food.
 
The rest of her day progressed normally, until Miles caught her on the way out
of the office for the day. He mentioned that the story was starting to build
momentum now, a few state wide Georgia papers had picked it up and were running
with it. Aubrey had called the office - she hadn’t wanted to interrupt an
important conversation Beca was having with Bruno Mars’ people - to forward on
that they had been issuing blanket requests to every publication to avoid
running the story due to ongoing legal issues. Beca waited til she got home to
call her.
 
“Beca?” Aubrey said. “You okay?”
 
“Yeah,” she said. “Just - is this gonna be easier if I make a statement? Like,
just lay it out there?”
 
“Probably, but you shouldn’t have to,” she replied. “Barden PD picked your dad
up today and charged him. Ruby will fly into Georgia and handle the case.”
 
“Okay,” Beca said. They’d talked about how much Aubrey should handle in a case
like this if the situation arose. She didn’t want her dad making shots at
Aubrey, didn’t want her dragged through the mud, didn’t want her to have to go
back to Georgia. They both had less than fond memories of the place. So Ruby
was tagged to handle it all, which Aubrey said was good. She’d pick her if she
were in trouble, she’d said. Beca only knew of Ruby through their work
affiliation but it had never been anything of this nature.
 
“Do you want to make a statement?” Aubrey asked.
 
“Maybe if it gets a bit out of hand I will,” Beca said. “There are a handful of
press types roaming around that I trust enough to run a story unedited if I
want.”
 
“Okay, we can deal with that as we come to it,” Aubrey replied. “Is there
anything else?”
 
“Well… no,” Beca said. “But I do kind of wish you were here. I mean, I’m not
saying you need to drop what you’re doing and get over here right now, but - I
guess I just really like having you in my space.”
 
“I love you, Beca. You make me really happy, you know that?”
 
“I love you, too,” she replied. “I’ll let you go. Are we okay for Thursday?”
 
“Yep,” Aubrey said. “But we’ll talk before then.” Beca hung up and even though
she was still a little worried, she felt better.
***** Chapter 27 *****
Unfortunately, even a week later, Beca’s father seemed to be doubling down. He
still claimed that Beca should see past their differences and cough up whatever
money he wanted. That upset Beca, which incensed Aubrey and she was almost
ready to go to Barden and punch his lights out. Aubrey booked some time to sit
down with Beca and Ruby on the clock so they could talk about what they should
do next.
Ruby was clear - it would help if Beca could make a statement. So far it was a
he-said her-lawyer-said, and if Beca could go on the record, it’d go a long way
into settling the case.
“Well I can do that,” Beca said. “And I mean… the fact that he cut me off,
there’s gonna be a paper trail on that. He pulled college tuition, wrote me out
of his will, that kind of stuff.”
“I don’t imagine you can prove your financial hardship from six years ago?”
Ruby asked hopefully.
“Stacie could help,” Aubrey said in realization.
“Who’s Stacie?” Ruby asked.
“My best friend,” Beca said. “We moved in together so I could afford to stay in
school. She fronted me my share of the rent a couple of times until I started
picking up more work, helped me move out here. She was more financially
supportive of me than dad ever was.”
“Yeah, if she can sit down with us as well… will she have the time?” Ruby
asked.
“She’ll make time for me,” Beca said. “I’ll call her after we’re done. So how
do you want the statement?”
“I’ll get it set up for deposition later this week,” Ruby said. “Now… we need
to talk about what you want to do in terms of comments. Because at the moment
you’re doing the ‘no comment’ thing. And that’s great. But we have two avenues
open to us. One is that you continue to issue no comment, I can petition the
judge for a gag order. It means you can’t say anything about the case, but
neither can he which means if he keeps this shit up we can throw a defamation
charge and a contempt charge on it. The other is that you make comments to
press when they ask. But that can turn into a slinging match and it’s always
ugly.”
“Bree?” Beca asked. “What would you do?”
“As much as I’d love to tell the world how much of a jerk your father is,”
Aubrey said, “I think we take the high road. Ask for the gag, decline
comments.”
“There is a benefit as well,” Ruby said. “Because I’ve had four, wait, five
people already call the office to passionately defend you. And there’s no gag
order preventing them, say, from vigorously advocating for you.”
“Oh,” Beca said. “Uh, who was it?”
“Chelsea Bright,” Ruby said. “Billie West, Ashton Kutcher, someone from Save
the Arts LA and also someone who works for Greater Hospitals of Los Angeles who
claims that you donate a significant sum of money annually.”
“That’s true,” Beca said. “It’s nice I guess. To hear that people heard that
rumor and the first reaction was to call it out.”
“I anticipate if the story picks up steam, that number will only increase,”
Ruby said. “It’s good press and it’s got nothing to do with the case,
technically.”
“Okay,” Beca said. “This whole thing fucking blows though.” They finished up
the meeting and Aubrey asked Ruby to wait for a moment so she could speak to
Beca alone. The other woman said she’d wait outside the office.
“You okay?” Aubrey asked, running a hand down the side of Beca’s face.
“Yeah,” she grumbled. “Just hate that this is something I have to deal with.”
“Want me to blow off therapy tonight?” Aubrey asked, referring to her solo
therapy session.
“No, go,” Beca said. “I’ll call Stace. She’ll bring me donuts and talk shit
about dad. But if you want to come and stay the night, I’m not going to
complain.”
“I’ll definitely do that,” Aubrey replied. “I’ll text you when I get out, make
sure you guys eat.”
“We probably won’t,” Beca said. Aubrey rolled her eyes but kissed her quickly.
“I love you,” she said.
“Love you too, Bree,” Beca replied. Aubrey headed back to the office and Beca
shot a text to Stacie asking her to call when she could. It ended up being
about forty minutes later.
“What’s up loser?” Stacie said by way of greeting.
“Oh you know,” Beca said. “Dad’s sticking to this blackmail thing and says I
should see past our differences and just pony up.”
“Fucking asshole,” Stacie said.
“Wanna come hang out tonight?” Beca said. “Bree has therapy and I need you to
come talk shit with me.”
“Heck yeah, I’m in,” Stacie said. “I’ll bring donuts.”
“You’re the best,” Beca said. “I have a favor ask.”
“Name it and I’m in,” Stacie said without hesitation.
“Well I was talking to Bree and the lawyer and Ruby wants me to make a
statement and they think it’ll help if I can corroborate my financial hardship
from back then,” Beca said. “Given that we moved in together and you bailed me
out more than once, you’d be pretty helpful.”
“Of course I’m okay with that,” Stacie said. “You just tell me when. And I’ll
be at yours as soon as I’m done here with donuts and coffee.”
“Thanks Stace.” She hung up and let a breath out for a moment. She let herself
take a few seconds to regroup and then got back to work. She didn’t have time
to let this kill her productivity.
She managed to avoid dwelling on her shitty situation for the rest of the day,
and found herself leaving the studio at almost dead on five o’clock, which was
rare for her. She headed straight home and resisted the urge to pull a beer out
of the fridge immediately. Instead she texted Aubrey and took a hot shower.
By the time she came downstairs, Stacie was already on the couch in her living
room, shoes kicked off, donuts and coffee on the table in front of her. Her
eyes were definitely closed but she wasn’t asleep.
“Hey,” Beca said.
“Hey,” Stacie responded.
“Long day?” Beca asked, sitting down next to her and reaching for the coffee.
“Yeah,” Stacie said. “Don’t get me wrong, I love it. This is exactly what I
wanted when Lilah and I started this label. So yeah, it’s been a long day and
I’m exhausted, but I’m also really happy.” She sat up and picked up her own
coffee.
“How’s James?”
“He’s good,” Stacie said. “I told him a bit about what’s happening, he’s pretty
pissed off on your behalf.”
“I knew I liked that guy,” Beca said.
“He’s going to pick me up a bit later,” Stacie said. “You gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, Bree is coming over after therapy,” she replied. “I’m sure this is all
gonna work out and everything, it just pisses me off a little. Everything was
going so well you know? This shit comes out of nowhere.”
“Have a donut,” Stacie said. “Fixes everything.” Beca grinned and snagged one
of the custard filled donuts from the bag.
“Stace, I appreciate you dropping by,” Beca said. “I know you’ve got James and
I’ve got Aubrey, but I’m glad we can still manage to make the time to see each
other.”
“That’s never gonna change,” Stacie promised her. “Beca you could release a
million albums and I could make a thousand dresses and we could both get
married and have kids but you and I are always going to make time for coffee
and donuts. And burgers.”
“And beer and steak,” Beca added. “We should try and get together on the
weekend. All four of us.”
“A Sunday thing would be okay for us,” Stacie said. “Lunch. Let’s book it in.
Out?”
“Here,” Beca said. “I’ll grill. We’ll relax.”
“You’ll grill? James will grill. He loves cooking,” Stacie said.
“That’s a win for all of us then,” Beca said. They kept chatting while they
finished their donuts, until Stacie’s phone rang from her bag on the couch.
“James is headed home now,” Stacie said.
“Bree will be here any minute, you don’t have to stick around,” Beca said.
“Promise. Tell him hey.”
“I will.”
“When’s Billie back in town?”
“I don’t know, the Scorcese shoot ran over because someone on set is being a
diva,” Stacie said. “Not Billie. Let’s just say the only other female actress
cast in a decent sized role was not happy to show up and see Billie ended up on
equal billing with James McAvoy and Liam Neeson.”
“Who?” Beca asked. Stacie dropped the name and Beca had to think before she
could even recall the woman’s face.
“Oh seriously?” Beca said.
“James said she’s turned into a massive bitch on set,” Stacie said. “She
refuses to sit in makeup with Billie, rocks up late, all kinds of shit. And
Billie, being Billie-”
“Probably decided it isn’t worth fucking up a huge moment in her career and is
being a god damned professional,” Beca said. “Plus she probably doesn’t give a
shit what that chick thinks of her anyway.”
“Exactly,” Stacie said. “James swung by the set and apparently McAvoy thinks
Billie’s delightful and an absolute dream to work with.”
“She would be,” Beca said. “She was easy as anything in the studio. Damn. I’ll
email her though, I still want to catch up with her when she’s in town.”
“Alright. I better take off,” Stacie said. Beca got up and walked her out, the
two of them coming face to face with Aubrey, who was getting out of her car.
“You don’t want to stay for dinner?” Aubrey offered. “I assumed you guys didn’t
eat anything other than donuts.”
“True to form, we did not,” Beca confirmed. Aubrey just rolled her eyes.
“No, James is headed home, and his schedule is about to get a bit loopy so I’d
like to see him before that all happens,” Stacie said. She kissed Beca on the
forehead.
“Love you, asshole.”
“Love you too, dick,” Beca responded. Then she turned to Aubrey and kissed her
deeply.
“And I love you, too,” Beca said. “Though I’ll leave the sarcastic profanity
off of yours.”
“I appreciate that,” Aubrey replied, going for another kiss.
“How was therapy?” Beca asked.
“Pretty good,” Aubrey said. “But I’m starving now. How about you?”
“I mean, I just had three donuts, but I could eat,” Beca said. Aubrey slapped
her arm.
“That’s so unfair,” Aubrey said. “You just ate three donuts, now you’re going
to eat again and you look like that!”
“Sorry,” Beca said. “Genetics. We can thank my mom for that one. What do you
feel like?”
“Want to go out or stay in?” Aubrey asked.
“Out,” Beca said. “Been a while. Plus if you don’t have a preference I could go
some Tex Mex right about now.”
“Tex Mex sounds great,” Aubrey said. “Just let me bring my stuff in.”
“Sure, I’ll put shoes on,” Beca said. “Let me grab your bag for you.” Aubrey
knew already there was no point arguing it with her. Beca had a chivalrous
streak and she always enjoyed doing little things for her. So she let Beca go
down to the car and grab her bag and take it upstairs.
Beca reappeared wearing shoes and also donning a leather jacket. Aubrey raised
an eyebrow at her, quite liking what she was seeing. Beca caught the change in
her countenance and smirked.
“Oh come on, you know what you do to me,” Aubrey said. “Leather jackets, Beca?
You know you look good.” Beca tangled her fingers into Aubrey’s and pulled her
in for a teasing, long kiss.
“Let’s go,” Beca said. “Sooner we go out, sooner we get back.”
Aubrey was down with that plan. She followed Beca out into her car and they
headed for a place that they knew served Tex Mex but wouldn’t be outrageously
busy.
They split a skillet of fajitas and even indulged in dessert for a change. It
was a nice, casual, normal night out. They didn’t talk about work, or therapy,
or Beca’s dad. Beca picked up the check and they headed back toward the car
hand in hand.
“Oh, by the way,” Beca said. “Stacie and I think maybe you and I and she and
James should try and set up lunch for the weekend if that’s okay.”
“Oh,” Aubrey said. “Um, okay.”
“You hesitated,” Beca said. “What’s up?”
“I’m more than happy to have lunch with you all, but… I just don’t know how
he’s going to react to me,” Aubrey said. “I mean, he’s Billie’s best friend and
I’m the girl that got in between you guys.”
“That’s not how it was,” Beca said.
“I know that,” Aubrey said. “But he might still feel a sense of loyalty to
Billie after the way things ended. Because yes, Billie did break up with you,
but it was because of me. And I know it can’t have been easy for her. Can you
just… make sure before we do this that he actually wants to?”
“Of course, Bree,” Beca said. “I’m not interested in making you do something
that will make you uncomfortable. But I’ll get Stace to clear things with James
first. And for the record, he’s a really solid, rational guy. And Billie told
him a number of times that neither of us were to blame.” She unlocked the car.
“Okay,” Aubrey said. Beca drove them back to her place and put some coffee on.
Aubrey went and sat out on the back deck and Beca brought them both cups out.
Beca initially went to pull a chair closer to Aubrey, but the blonde just
tangled her fingers into her girlfriend’s and tugged her into her lap. Beca
settled in her spot and relaxed as she felt Aubrey’s arms wrap around her and
her head rest against her back just slightly.
“Can you still reach your coffee okay?” Beca asked. She felt Aubrey nod against
her jacket. But it was a warm night, so she stripped the jacket off about half
way through the cup and sat back in her lap. It didn’t take Aubrey long to
slide her hands under Beca’s shirt to gently caress her torso. She felt Beca’s
abdominal muscles twitch as her fingers moved so she moved higher.
“Bree,” Beca murmured. One of Aubrey’s hands moved higher and closed over a
bra-clad breast while the other moved back down, the arm holding Beca closer.
It was tough but she managed to navigate her way under the bra, but Beca didn’t
let her leave it there long. She stood, turned and straddled her lap instead,
needing to kiss her right then. It was deep and searing and even though Aubrey
was the one who had instigated this little makeout with all her groping, she
was left reeling by the kiss.
“Careful,” she said to Beca. “Or we won’t make it inside.”
“That’s really not an issue,” Beca said. “Not a single one of my neighbors can
see into my yard, so if we don’t make it inside, I don’t actually care.”
“I’m going to remember that next time I wonder how a little night time dip
might go,” Aubrey said. She let her lips hover just millimeters away from
Beca’s, the younger girl following their pull as she moved, but not quite
connecting.
“But regardless of whether or not they can see, I have a fairly good hunch that
they could still hear,” Aubrey teased. “Which, considering what I have planned
right now, is probably not the best thing.”
“Oh yeah?” Beca asked. Aubrey just nodded and that was enough for Beca to crash
their lips together. Without breaking their lips apart, Beca managed to stand
up out of the chair and pull the taller woman back in. Her hands immediately
curled around her waist, tightly grabbing into the fabric of her shirt. Their
bodies were flush and Aubrey could taste Beca in her mouth, even as she
breathed in.
She let Beca grab the jacket she’d left on the table - not wanting to risk even
the slightest chance it’d get rained on - but hurried them back inside. Beca
didn’t even care that it landed on the floor instead of the chair she aimed at,
she just wanted Aubrey in her bed as soon as humanly possible. They made it
upstairs, to their credit, but Aubrey’s shirt was off by the time they hit the
top of the stairwell and after that Beca had her pressed against the wall. By
the time they actually made it to the bedroom, they were completely naked
except for one of Beca’s socks.
Once they’d managed to get to the bed, Beca was completely immersed in Aubrey.
The entire house could have fallen down around them, but as long as she was on
this bed, one hand buried between her girlfriend’s legs and the other holding
her up as she lavished attention on the smooth skin of her chest, she would not
have minded in the slightest. Because watching Aubrey’s body writhing beneath
her, hearing the moans as she came, Beca could ignore everything else easily.
Aubrey had ended up about being right about the noise level, too. Because Beca
was not keeping quiet tonight. It wasn’t really her fault. She wasn’t always
this vocal, but something about the way Aubrey was touching her tonight, the
way her mouth moved against her, she couldn’t have stopped the noise if she’d
wanted to.
They lay next to each other, panting in recovery. Beca’s body felt sweaty and
gross, and she could see the sheen of sweat on Aubrey’s body.
“Wanna take a shower before we get some sleep?” Beca asked.
“Good idea,” Aubrey replied. “Just enough to rinse the post-sex sweat off.”
“Yeah,” Beca said. “No funny business, I promise.”
“I’m okay with a little funny business,” Aubrey negotiated. Beca lightly
smacked her bare ass with a grin and they got up and headed for the bathroom.
***** Chapter 28 *****
Despite James assuring Beca that he was one hundred percent fine having lunch,
Aubrey was still nervous. Her nerves were quickly alleviated though, when James
greeted her as warmly as he did Beca, and said how happy he was to finally
properly meet her. He and Stacie showed up around one o’clock on Sunday,
bringing with them some home made apple pie.
Beca and Aubrey had prepared everything so all they had to do was grill the
meat and pull the food out. Stacie grabbed a round of drinks and helped Aubrey
set the outdoor dining area up while Beca and James grilled.
It was a pretty decent meal. Conversation never really got stilted and James
and Aubrey got along fine. After they’d eaten their fill, Beca went in to put
the pie in the oven to warm and Aubrey went with her to make coffee.
“So that’s Aubrey,” James said to Stacie once they were alone.
“Yep,” Stacie said.
“I feel like there’s something big going on with her,” James said. “Not my
business, but there’s something there.”
“There was,” Stacie said. “I can’t tell you what, but I can tell you that it
was big and brutal and ugly. And because of that she pushed Beca and everyone
else away - we thought she was being a dick but she was actually just scared
and trying to protect her. She’s made so much progress since then but it does
mean she has some issues with getting close to people.”
“I’m glad she’s moved past whatever it is enough to make that connection with
Beca again,” he said. “They seem really happy.”
“Their history would make a good movie,” Stacie said with a sigh. “Actually
it’s make a good depressing movie. But yeah, despite all the shit that
conspired against them, they’re happy.” The two girls rejoined them with coffee
for all four of them.
The pie James had baked was so good that Beca immediately began teasing him
about being a housewife. He humoured her ribbing but pointed out that he
learned how to bake pie from his mother, who had learned from her mother. It
just so happened that he was one of two boys, so his mother had simply taught
them both how to bake it so that the family recipe lived on.
At that point Aubrey began clearing up the plates. James wanted a moment to
speak with her alone, so after she’d made her way inside, he followed her in
with the rest of the dishes.
“Aubrey,” James said. She looked up, a little startled at being cornered alone.
She didn’t turn entirely from the sink as he placed dishes down next to her.
“Yes?” she asked, picking up a plate to rinse it off. He began helping her,
stacking the dishwasher as she rinsed plates.
“Relax,” he said with a smile. “I know you were nervous about us having lunch
because of my friendship with Billie. But you don’t need to worry. I swear.
Billie doesn’t think ill of you at all, and neither do I.”
“That’s a relief,” she said. “I mean, I really tried hard to not be involved in
anything to do with them.”
“And Stacie has assured me that you’re not the kind of person to break a couple
up for your own gain,” James said. “So I’d like for us to be friends.”
“I’d like that too,” Aubrey said. “Given Beca and Stacie are basically joined
at the hip, it’d be great if we could be friends.”
“You know I actually feel like you and Billie have a lot in common,” he said.
“Maybe when she gets back to town we can all hang out.”
“Sure,” Aubrey said. “I’d like that. I’d like to meet more of the people who
Beca has connected with out here. I mean, I’ve met her a couple of times but
haven’t had much of a chance to talk with her.”
“I’ll mention it when she’s home next,” James said. He closed up the dishwasher
and Aubrey quickly wiped down the bench before they went back outside to join
their respective partners.
Their guests didn’t hang around much later, citing dinner reservations. Beca
hadn’t even thought as far as dinner. She was still kind of full anyway, so
after James and Stacie left, they just relaxed out on the deck for a while.
“He seems lovely,” Aubrey said. “And he makes Stacie very happy, I can tell.”
“Yeah, he’s a good dude,” Beca said. “And Stace told me they’re both thinking
long term. No rush, but they’re in it for the long haul.”
“That’s great,” Aubrey said. “Though I could imagine that Amy would have
something to say about Stacie ending up being the one to settle down with a
Hollywood heartthrob when it’s been her clearly stated goal for so long.”
“Stacie got some texts,” Beca confirmed with a laugh. “But I’m glad you two got
along.”
“James is going to speak to Billie when she gets home,” Aubrey said. “He wants
the five of us to hang out; he thinks Billie and I might have a lot in common.”
“Yeah you guys might have a lot to talk about,” Beca said. “She likes to keep
well read like you. Likes poetry and classics and shit.” She shivered.
“Are you cold?” Aubrey asked.
“Yeah, a bit,” Beca said. “I guess we finally have to accept that the cold
weather is coming.”
“How about we go inside and take a hot bath,” Aubrey said. “Maybe later we can
order in food and we’ll just watch something on Netflix.”
“Sounds good to me,” Beca said. They didn’t alter that plan much at all,
soaking in Beca’s extra large tub until they ran out of space to keep adding
hot water. Then they climbed into pyjamas, choosing to eat leftovers under a
blanket on the couch rather than order in. It was a great plan. They ended up
watching Scrubs until Aubrey decided it was too cold to stay up and they headed
for bed.
When Beca woke the next morning, it was to Aubrey in the shower. The sound of
it was comforting, and she smiled to herself. It was nice to know Aubrey was
there. She decided to get up and join her girlfriend.
After they had breakfast and went their separate ways, Beca headed to work to
meet with one of the guys from Save The Arts. She wanted to run through her
ideas for the fundraiser, and they also wanted her to sign off on the proofs
for the photos they’d be using in the advertising campaigns.
She sat at her desk with coffee settled in front of her, expecting her first
appointment in about half hour. She decided to save checking her emails for
later and ran over her proposal a few more times.
The guy who showed up was Kent, the blond from the first meeting. He was on his
own today and the first order of business was the proofs. They were going to be
everywhere, apparently, so it was important that both Beca and Chelsea were
okay with them. They were presented to Beca in a massive glossy folder, all
mocked up and ready for her to stare at.
“It always feels bizarre staring at myself in pictures,” Beca murmured as she
checked them out. They were fine to her, they looked natural and relaxed. It
was clear that they hadn’t photoshopped anything but the logos and slogans, so
she added her signature to the pieces of paper Kent had ready, right below
Chelsea. Then talk turned to her proposal.
“So in terms of fundraising,” Beca said, “I’ve had a bit of a brainstorm and
made a couple of calls to see how easy it would be to throw a shindig together,
what kind of interest there would be.” She ran through her proposal, and Kent
was impressed.
“All those people are willing to help out?” he asked. “Wow.”
“I’ve got a lot of friends,” Beca said. “And literally everyone I know has said
they want me to let them know when the tickets are available. It could run on
pure profit for you guys.”
“This is a great proposal Beca,” he said. “It’s great to see you’re so
enthusiastic on this thing. Let me take it back to the board and we’ll get the
ball rolling as soon as we can.”
“Awesome,” Beca said. “If it needs any changes or anything, let me know.”
“I’ll have one of the people from the office liaise with you on this,” he said.
“That way you’re not eating up your own work day all the time.”
“Oh, okay,” Beca said. “How about I get someone here to work on it, and you
guys provide one so there’s a balance in the hours dedicated to the project?”
“That’s very generous,” Kent said. “I’ll let you know as soon as we green light
it.”
“Whenever is fine,” Beca said. “I left a bunch of dates in there for when I’m
available, just email me or call Miles or whatever.” She shook his hand and he
left, and she called Jenna’s office. Jenna picked up, which wasn’t uncommon.
“Hey,” Beca said. “So the Save The Arts guy just left and they’re pretty keen
on that fundraiser I told you about.”
“Awesome,” Jenna said. “Obviously, the studio is going to want to support that
as well.”
“Glad you mentioned it,” Beca said. “I’m going to have to pinch an intern to
liaise with those guys. They’re going to put up a body and I said I would too,
keep the workload even and it’ll stop me spending all my time on that when I so
very clearly have work to do. Any recommendations about which one?”
“You want either Ronnie or Nia,” Jenna said. “Make it Nia, Ronnie is getting
married soon so he’ll be off for a while. Plus she’s one I flagged, so this
could be a good test.”
“Thanks,” Beca said. She hung up and clicked into personnel, learning a little
bit about Nia. She buzzed Miles and asked him to have Nia sent in as soon as
she was free. Nia Reubens was a UCLA grad, she seemed to be performing just
fine at BPM. They were one of very few industry businesses who paid their
interns a living wage. When Beca and Jenna had gone into business together,
they’d had quite a long discussion on the subject.
They both were well aware that interns were seen as free or extremely cheap
labor. But Beca was also well aware of how hard those first few months were,
eating ramen if anything at all, long stretches with the power cut off,
extremely thankful that she lived in sunny and warm LA, not somewhere colder.
Jenna tended to agree. But Beca had been the one to put her foot down and say
that if they weren’t in a financial position to pay these people enough to
support themselves, then they shouldn’t hire them to begin with.
It meant they received far more intern applications than anyone else in town,
and the HR team had done a pretty great job over the years in picking the right
applicants. It seemed like Nia was one such story. She was nearing the end of
her two year intern tenure. Beca read through Jenna’s last appraisal and saw
that she’d flagged her as someone to either maybe keep on, or at the very least
recommend highly to others.
She was interrupted by her cell ringing on her desk. Smiling when she saw
Aubrey’s name on the screen, she picked it up.
“Hello beautiful,” she said playfully. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“I need a reason to call my girlfriend now?” Aubrey said in an equally playful
tone. “Actually, this is a work related call, I’ve had an update from Ruby.”
“Oh hit me with it,” Beca said. She’d almost forgotten all about that.
“So it’s some good news,” Aubrey said. “Your dad’s motion to dismiss was
denied.”
“Motion to what now?” Beca honestly felt bad for not paying more attention to
the fine details. But Aubrey had told her not to worry until she said, and she
hadn’t said there was anything worth getting bent out of shape about yet.
“Well the short version is that he denied making any kind of threat that would
constitute blackmail,” Aubrey said. “Ruby showed the judge the email he sent
you, our response and his response to that. He sided with us.”
“Now what happens?”
“He somehow needs to prove that he wasn’t attempting to extort money from you
via blackmail,” Aubrey said. “Hard sell now, I’d hate to be his attorney.”
“I still don’t need to go to Barden?” Beca said.
“Nope,” Aubrey said. “Ruby will let us know if we have to go there. I doubt
it’ll get that far. She doesn’t lose cases like this. She’s incredibly good at
what she does, and she’s scarier than me in a courtroom.”
“I find it weird that I can win a lawsuit without ever being there,” Beca said.
“Law is bizarre sometimes.”
“Sometimes,” Aubrey said. “I still want to sit down with Stacie, take a
deposition as a backup. Can you find out from her when she’s free? I’m assuming
you’re going to see her tonight while I’m at therapy.”
“You’d be right,” Beca said. “Let me know when you’re done at therapy, though.
I still want to see your beautiful face.”
“I’ll come by after if you don’t mind me staying the night,” Aubrey said.
“You can stay whenever you like,” Beca said. “I love you, Bree. Any minute I
get to see you is fine by me.”
“I love you too, Beca,” she said. “I’ll see you later.” She hung up and almost
immediately Miles buzzed her intercom to let her know Nia was there. She
replied to send her in and got up, wanting to move the meeting away from the
desk. In her mind the desk was serious business, deals and such. This wasn’t
that kind of situation.
“Hey,” Beca said, shaking Nia’s hand She recognized the girl now. “Thanks for
coming up. Do you want coffee or tea or water?”
“Water is fine,” Nia said. She sat in the chair that Beca pointed her at and
accepted the water with thanks.
“So you’ve been here almost two years,” Beca said. “And personnel like what
you’ve been doing here. So I have a little project that I need help with,
actually it’s not a little project, it’s a decent sized project. You
interested?”
“Of course,” Nia said. “What are we talking here?”
“Well it’s not quite out there yet but I’ve signed on as an ambassador the Save
the Arts LA with Chelsea Bright,” Beca said. “That means there’ll be a
significant amount of time and energy that I need to devote to working with
those guys. And I’ve already started the ball rolling on a fundraiser project,
only it’s kinda big and I’m going to need someone in the office to liaise with
someone at their office.”
“So that someone’s going to be me?” Nia said.
“That’s the plan,” Beca said. “I have a loose outline and everything ready. I’m
just waiting on them to get back to me with a date and stuff - they have people
they have to run things by. So next week I’ll be ready with a full plan and I
want you on board.”
“I’m ready for the challenge, and appreciate the opportunity,” Nia said.
“We’ve got you flagged,” Beca said. “That means that when the two year
internship deal is over, we’re interested in maybe keeping you on. So if you
crush this fundraiser thing, it’s pretty much going to guarantee you a future
at BPM, if you want it.”
“Wow,” Nia said. “Then watch me crush it. Thank you, Beca.”
“You’re welcome,” Beca said. “Jenna recommended you specifically, by the way.
You’re making an impression.”
“Not going to lie, that makes me feel pretty good,” Nia said.
“I’ll have a space for you to work from ready by next week too,” Beca said.
“Can’t really run a project like this out of the intern muster room.” The
younger girl was incredibly enthusiastic and thankful. Beca sent her on her
way.
By the time she picked Stacie up from Conrad Wade, she’d had one of the more
productive days of her recent year or so. Not much in terms of actual recording
or music work, but lots of meetings, lots of paperwork.
“How was your day?” she asked Stacie as she headed in.
“Busy as shit,” Stacie said.
“Preach,” came a male voice.
“Oh this is the first time you two have met,” Stacie said. “Eli Farthing, this
is my best friend on the planet Beca Mitchell. Beca, Eli.” Beca shook his hand.
“Nice to meet you, dude,” Beca said. “Stace says you’re saving her ass.”
“She saved mine by giving me the job in the first place,” he said. “And though
it’s extremely tacky to talk shop right now, the pantsuit thing you wore to
Echo’s premiere? Flawless.”
“Stace says you dig more of the non traditional stuff like that,” Beca said.
“So maybe I’ll find myself in Conrad Wade more often than not.”
“Deal,” Stacie said. “Alright, Eli, we need to start shutting it all down. Beca
and I have steak with our names written on it.”
“Okay,” he said. “This isn’t anything that can’t wait til morning anyway.” Beca
waited while they sorted themselves out and locked up the shop. Eli farewelled
them on the street at Beca’s car.
“He seems nice,” Beca said. She kicked the engine over and headed toward the
restaurant where their reservation was.
They didn’t talk about work or Beca’s dad during dinner, except for Beca
briefly saying that Aubrey wanted a deposition still. But talk soon turned to
their previous lunch date with James and Aubrey.
“Aubrey likes him,” Beca said. “I know she was a little worried, and to be
honest I think she was more worried than she was letting on.”
“He said he could tell she wasn’t entirely comfortable, like she was holding
something back,” Stacie said. “I told him she was. He didn’t pry for details
but he did say that he was really happy that you guys were so happy.”
“Awesome,” Beca said. “I would hate for the two of us to end up dating people
who couldn’t stand each other.”
“Um, if we ended up dating people who hated each other, that would absolutely
be a deal breaker for me,” Stacie said. It was a fairly serious statement in a
so far light hearted evening. But Beca hugged her.
“Yeah me too,” Beca said. “Because at the end of the day, Stace, you’re my ride
or die.”
“Hell yeah I am,” Stacie said. They got less intense for the rest of the meal,
breaking it up when Aubrey texted to say she was on her way back to her place
from therapy and would head from there to Beca’s.
Beca settled up the tab and dropped Stacie at James’ place on her way back to
her own house. She pulled up only moments before Aubrey did, kissing her on the
doorstep before they headed inside together.
***** Chapter 29 *****
Chapter Notes
     Smutty as hell toward the end there, kids.
Beca was pleased that Kent got back to her the following day and said that Save
The Arts was happy to roll ahead with her fundraiser. He said he would have
someone drop into her office early next week to liaise with someone, so Beca
gave him Nia’s name and said she’d be ready whenever.
She did have a few meetings to take care of for the rest of the week, and some
recording sessions as well, but every minute that she had free it was polishing
her notes into a decent brief for Nia to take over. She even spent a couple of
nights working on it, which Aubrey teased her about.
“Aren’t I normally the loser bringing work home?” she teased on Thursday night
as they sat on the couch together. They were finishing off some Chinese food.
“The fact that you have your laptop out on the counter says that you still are
that loser,” Beca pointed out.
“Seriously though, it’s good that you’re this passionate about it,” Aubrey
said.
“Well let’s be real, arts programs are the first to get cut at public schools,”
Beca said. “Anything I can do to help, I’m in. I said it to those guys at our
first meeting, these kids are the ones I want to be working with in five to ten
years so it’s in my interest too.”
“Good point,” Aubrey said.
“Plus I don’t want to leave Nia in the lurch, I want it to be easy as anything
for her to follow,” Beca said. “I meet up with her tomorrow so we can go
through the brief so she’ll have it all on lock for next week. But did Stacie
get back to you?”
“Oh yeah,” Aubrey said. “She’s coming in tomorrow to sit down with one of our
guys. I still think it’s easier for me not to have my name all over the legal
paperwork.”
“Your name was on the cease and desist letter though,” Beca said.
“No, I asked Ruby to send it,” Aubrey said. “I mean, I definitely wrote it, but
she read it over and was happy to let it go. And it’s not that I would do
something stupid just because we’re together, but it’s better if there’s
nothing that links our relationship to this blackmail thing.”
“Good thinking,” Beca said. “They’re two separate issues. How’s it all going
anyway?”
“Adjourned til next week because your dad’s lawyer says he needs a copy of some
medical thing from your stepmother’s doctor,” she said. “It’s a joke, there’s
no reason why anything to do with her care is relevant to the blackmail, he’s
just stalling. But the case is dead Beca, he has nothing. The press even
stopped talking about it.” Beca hadn’t even realised.
“What do we have planned for the weekend?” Beca asked.
“Nothing,” Aubrey said. “Yet, anyway.”
“Let’s do something,” Beca said. “Want to go away?”
“Sure,” Aubrey said. “What’s your plan?”
“Well it’s starting to cool off a little now so maybe not the beach, but we
could head up to Napa and stay in a B&B, drink some wine and ignore
everything,” Beca said. “I can call some people and have it set up.”
“You can do that?” Aubrey asked. “That fast?”
“Is that a yes?”
“Hmmm, do I want to spend a romantic weekend in wine country with my
girlfriend?” Aubrey said sarcastically. “I literally can’t think of a better
way to spend the weekend.”
“I’ll pick you up from your place tomorrow at like seven,” Beca said.
“Are there flights that late?” Aubrey asked innocently.
“I’ll just charter a private,” Beca said casually. “It’s no big deal.”
“Sounds perfect,” she said. “You can just charter a private jet, just like
that?”
“Bree, you grew up around money,” Beca said. “Let’s not be precious. I’m
fucking loaded. The amount of money I have is actually kind of gross. Part of
the reason why I want to give a chunk of it to Save The Arts. But yeah, we have
a good relationship with a charter service. They like that Jenna and I pay
above the going rate. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement.”
“You about done with this food?” Aubrey asked.
“Yeah,” Beca said. “I still want to make sure this proposal is perfect for
Nia.”
“And I want to finish up the motion on the case I’m working on,” Aubrey sighed.
“We are such party animals. I’ll clean up if you make coffee?”
“Deal,” Beca said. They quickly got themselves organised and settled in for the
evening. They were almost silent for the rest of the evening, save for keyboard
clicking noises and the occasional murmur as one of them re-read something out
loud. Beca was the first to break the silence.
“Hey Bree?”
“Yeah?” Aubrey asked, looking up.
“Can you read this over?” Beca asked. “Outside perspective and all.”
“Of course,” Aubrey said. “Can you do me a favour and print it out? It’s easier
to proofread a hard copy.”
“See? This is why you kick ass at the paperwork stuff,” Beca said. “Refill on
the coffee?” Aubrey nodded.
“Please,” Aubrey said. Beca went into the studio and printed the hard copy out,
handing it to Aubrey while she made more coffee. When she brought it into the
living room, Aubrey was perusing the pages carefully, her own laptop off to the
side, pages on the table in front of her. Beca waited quietly while she read
them through.
“This is really good,” Aubrey said. “First off, it sounds like a hell of an
event. Second, you’ve done a whole lot of good groundwork here. Third, it’s
clear, coherent and anybody could follow it. If Nia’s even remotely literate,
this will be just fine.”
“Awesome,” Beca said. “Thanks. I want it to be successful, you know? How’s the
motion?”
“I’ll send it off in the morning,” Aubrey said. “Just needs our covering sheet
and it’s good to go.” They finished up their coffee and then headed to bed.
Both women spent the following day focusing on work, but looking forward to
their weekend away. Beca had called and set everything up as soon as she’d
gotten to the office that morning. Miles had taken care of the flight
arrangement and Beca called a place she liked to go to when she wanted to be
out of the public eye for a weekend. She texted Stacie to let her know she’d be
out of town for the weekend and to tell her they should get together for dinner
Monday.
The brief had been well received by Nia. Beca had organised a workstation for
her and Miles had gone out of his way to make sure she was settled in okay. She
was ready to take over on Monday with no issues. Beca was just aching for the
day to finish, she was ready to escape with Aubrey.
When it clicked over to four thirty, Beca decided she was done for the day. She
had no outstanding emails, everything she could possibly do was done and she
didn’t see the point in killing time for a half hour. She was the boss for
crying out loud, she could do what she wanted. She headed out, stopping by
Miles’ desk.
“I’m out for the weekend,” she said. “Take off whenever, I don’t care.”
“I will,” he said. “Big weekend all round.”
“What’s on your agenda?” Beca asked.
“I’m proposing tomorrow,” he said. “Got a ring and a plan, and I’m ready to
go.”
“Awesome,” Beca said. “Then I don’t want to see or hear from you until Monday
morning. Enjoy your weekend.” He thanked her and told her to enjoy hers as
well. She headed straight home and threw some clothes and stuff in a bag to
take with her to Napa. She took a quick shower and checked the time. It was
almost time to leave, so she walked through the house and locked it up, calling
Stacie to chat while she did so, and then headed out to sit on her front steps
and wait for the car service.
She arrived at Aubrey’s just before seven, the blonde already ready to go. She
had a little wheeled suitcase by the door and she locked the door behind her
after kissing Beca. Beca lifted her bag into the trunk and slid into the
backseat.
“We won’t get to the place til after nine,” she said. “Do you want to grab
something quick now or can you wait that long?”
“I could use a cup of coffee, but I can wait for food,” Aubrey said. They
detoured to get the coffee and headed to the airfield. Aubrey had never been on
a private plane before, but clearly it was nothing to Beca. She greeted the
pilot warmly, asked about his kids and spoke to the other staff milling about.
It wasn’t a long flight and they had soon landed. Beca thanked the pilot
profusely, slipped him and the attendant a little cash for the short notice of
the trip and they headed straight for a waiting car. Beca opened it and flipped
the sun visor down, a set of keys landing in her waiting hand.
“You’ve done this before,” Aubrey said.
“Yeah, there’s pretty much a routine for when I come out here,” Beca said. “We
won’t be long now.” She navigated the car out onto the road and made the drive
from memory. Aubrey smiled as they passed a sign proclaiming the name of the
winery and bed and breakfast and Beca turned in. But she didn’t stop at the
main house, just made her way through the fields for a while longer until she
came to a smaller guesthouse.
“I told them we’d get in kind of late,” Beca said. “No need to check in. They
know who I am, I know where the keys are. I’ll introduce you in the morning,
they’re all really nice.” There was a locked box on the floor of the patio, and
Beca entered a combination into the lock to get the keys out. She opened the
door and they headed inside.
Beca smiled when she saw what the owners had done for her. She’d asked if they
wouldn’t mind setting up a little wine and maybe a cheese platter for their
arrival, promising to make it worth their while. They’d delivered, definitely.
The marble board was still chilled so they must have just missed them, but
they’d left cheese, meats, some dark chocolate, dried fruits and the wine along
with two glasses.
“They do take good care of you,” Aubrey said. “That looks amazing.”
“Leave your bags and grab the wine,” Beca said. She picked up the marble board,
glad it wasn’t particularly heavy, and led Aubrey upstairs. The bedroom had
French doors leading out onto a balcony and Beca knew that even though it was
dark, it would still be beautiful. She left the bedroom light on so they could
see, but the dark sky stretched endlessly before them, punctured with stars.
“Oh, it’s beautiful,” Aubrey said with a sigh. Beca took a moment to grab a
blanket because it was getting cold, but they sat out on the balcony together.
They shared the wine, grazed at the platter, sometimes feeding each other as
they did.
“This is my absolute favourite place in Napa,” Beca said. “It’s owned by this
family of Cypriots, the parents and three of their kids with their partners,
there’s always a bunch of people up at the main house. Stace and I have stayed
here a million times.” They’d only passed the one bedroom.
“Oh,” Beca said suddenly. “But we never - I mean…”
“Relax,” Aubrey said with a laugh. “I know full well that you and Stacie would
have been sharing that bed, but I also know she is quite literally the most
heterosexual person alive. I don’t worry about you and Stacie, just like you
wouldn’t worry about me and Chloe.”
“Awesome,” she said. “Because you’re right, Stacie has seen me completely naked
and it was exactly the same as her looking at a mannequin. She is ridiculously
straight.”
“And that’s great, because I am not, and you are looking so beautiful right
now,” Aubrey said. “I think you’re beautiful all the time, honestly, but
there’s just this… look you get. When you’re a hundred percent comfortable.
When you’re unburdened by anything, you’re so gorgeous.” Beca put her glass
down and pulled Aubrey toward her by the front of her cardigan. She kissed her
long and soft.
“I love you, Aubrey,” she said. They moved inside, Beca quickly taking the food
downstairs and putting it into the refrigerator so it didn’t spoil and bringing
their bags up. She hit the taps in the bathroom to set the spa filling and
beckoned to her girlfriend. She kissed her and began undressing her.
“The window,” Aubrey said.
“There is nobody around for miles,” Beca said. “Trust me, nobody is going to
accidentally stumble on this place. Doesn’t happen.” Aubrey nodded and lifted
her arms to allow Beca to tug her shirt off. She let her hands begin unbuckling
Beca’s belt and tugging her jeans down and they quickly de-robed each other
before climbing into the spa. Aubrey pulled Beca back into her arms, the
younger woman’s head reclining against her shoulder. Their fingers interlaced
and they both let their eyes slip closed. Beca began humming as they relaxed,
and one of Aubrey’s hands began to wander. It was just innocently skimming up
and down Beca’s thigh but as minutes passed it slowly traversed from the
outside of her thigh to the inside, and the back and forth of her fingertips
was replaced slow circles. She felt Beca’s breath hitch when she was just
inches away from her intended goal.
Beca got up and extended a hand, the two of them hurriedly drying most of their
bath away before they came together in a heated embrace. Beca was pushing
Aubrey back toward the bed, straddling her legs as they hit the mattress,
sitting astride her lap. Aubrey looked up her body, dragging slowly over that
perfect chest and the tantalising freckle that dotted one side of Beca’s
cleavage, and up into her eyes. Beca’s arms were atop her shoulders and her
eyes were dark and wide and her hips were locked forward against Aubrey as hard
as possible.
“I want you,” Beca said in a voice that was heavy with lust. Aubrey let her
hands run down Beca’s back and then they curved around and upwards, closing
over her breasts for a moment.
“God dammit, Beca, I always, always want you,” Aubrey responded in a breathless
tone. In one swift motion she stood and flipped Beca underneath her, eliciting
a shriek of surprise from the smaller woman. But she didn’t dare complain, not
with the way Aubrey was looking at her, like she didn’t know where she wanted
to begin.
It was her lips, eventually, a fabulously long and dirty kiss; tongue curling
and sliding against her own as her hands grasped and kneaded the flesh beneath
her. Then she moved onto her jaw, her neck and collarbone, hands still moving
but not quite reaching where Beca desperately wanted them to be.
Her lips made it to her breasts, licking and sucking at strained nipples, teeth
enclosing the space where Aubrey knew that freckle was and relishing in gasp
from Beca as she did so before she soothed it with a gentle tongue. She finally
let a hand brush against her, a low moan escaping her throat as she realised
just how wet Beca was. Her inner thighs were straight out soaked and her
fingers slipped easily against Beca’s folds as she touched her sensitive flesh.
“Oh fuck,” Beca mumbled, her hands instantly tightening in the sheets. Aubrey
slid a finger inside her easily, Beca’s hips canting restlessly because it was
fucking amazing but it was not enough to sate the amount of need she was in
right now. Aubrey let the tip of her nose graze it’s way down through the
valley of her breasts and down her torso as she steadied herself on her knees
between Beca’s legs. She skipped working her way up and let three fingers slip
inside her, rewarded with a noise that was part moan and part whine. She
watched her hand moving inside Beca, watched Beca’s body writhing underneath
her, struck dumb by how absolutely sexy something could be. She was getting
ridiculously wet just looking at Beca, watching herself bringing her undone.
Unable to cope with the sound of a panting Beca and the slick movements of her
fingers, she leaned down and let her tongue trace over the wetness lightly. The
tip of her tongue grazed a clearly sensitive clit and Beca swore loudly, one of
her hands releasing the sheet only to find purchase in Aubrey’s hair. It tugged
in a manner that was by no means soft but it just made Aubrey shiver. She was
so turned on right now she thought she might just come without even being
touched. She let her tongue keep working at Beca, the fingers never stilling
and Beca’s hand not moving from where it was tightly wound in her hair.
“Fuck… Aubrey,” Beca moaned it breathlessly and her hips bucked aggressively so
she slammed the fingers into her, tongue speeding up against her until she
seized and let out a grunt and then a long low moan as she came. Aubrey’s
tongue slowed and continued to clean up the inner parts of Beca’s thighs as the
smaller woman fought to regain her breath. Beca used a hand to tug her up and
kiss her hard, but was soon pulling her downward to sit on the edge of the bed.
She knelt up first, letting her mouth work on Aubrey’s breasts. One of her
hands parted Aubrey’s legs further and she discovered just how wet Aubrey
already was. She let her fingers slide over the dampened curls.
“Oh wow,” Beca said against her skin.
“Please don’t make me wait,” Aubrey begged. Beca’s hands took hold of her hips,
thumbs brushing softly against the bone for a second, and then with one hand
she pushed her down onto the bed and kneeled back down to taste her. They
moaned at the same time, Beca’s low and throaty moan underscoring the relieved,
airy tones of Aubrey’s. Aubrey’s left hand made it’s way into Beca’s hair,
holding it in much the same way Beca had done her own and the back of her right
was pressed against her mouth as she bit into the skin to stop from screaming.
Beca didn’t want to make her wait, so she let her tongue move fast, savouring
the taste of Aubrey’s arousal. She focused on her clit, enclosing it with her
mouth and letting the tip of her tongue swirl around it, against it, over and
over. Aubrey’s right hand joined her left as she came in a broken moan, thighs
tightening around a still kneeling Beca.
Beca wasn’t done though, she took the time to kiss her way back upward, moving
along her body, kissing her way along the smooth expanse of her abdomen, along
the sensitive parts of her ribs, shifting Aubrey back up the bed so she could
climb on, until she pulled back and looked down at her. Aubrey’s chest was
still heaving a little and her face was flushed. Just before Aubrey could speak
again, Beca had leaned in to kiss her, and pushed two fingers inside a still
pretty sensitive Aubrey.
“Oh god,” was all Aubrey could manage. Beca buried her face in Aubrey’s neck,
kissing her, biting down on her and soothing it with her tongue, the fingers
still driving inside of her.
“You’re so fucking hot,” Beca said against her skin. Aubrey felt the coil
inside her abdomen tightening. She was so close already, and this was going to
ruin her, she could feel herself losing any sense of what was happening. She
felt extra force pumping against her, Beca using a knee for leverage and in
just a few short strokes she lost it completely. When she remembered how to
breathe, how to function, how to speak, her voice was gravelly.
“Holy shit,” was all she said. Beca was curled up to her body, arm slung over
her waist. She felt Beca’s lips on her shoulder.
“Holy shit,” Beca agreed.
“What the hell was that?” Aubrey said.
“That was some fairly mind blowing sex, I’m going to venture,” Beca said.
“I’ll say,” Aubrey said. “I’m sore in places I didn’t know I had muscles and
I’m pretty sure if you ask me to walk you’re going to get a hard no.” Beca
propped herself up so she could see her face.
“I love you,” she said.
“I love you, too,” Aubrey replied. Beca kissed her gently and they spent a few
minutes making out in their afterglow.
“I’ll grab us some water,” Beca offered after a while. “We can catch some
sleep.” Aubrey nodded and struggled into an upright position. She fixed the low
ponytail her hair had been in and tested out her shaky legs.
She made it into the bathroom and used a washcloth to clean herself up. She’d
never been so - willingly and enjoyably - sticky in her life, thanks to the sex
and sweat. Beca found her in there and figured that was a good idea, following
suit, before the two of them drained their water bottles sitting in bed.
“Are you still sore?” Beca asked.
“I might be in the morning,” Aubrey said. “But luckily I have a gorgeous
girlfriend who would probably give me a rubdown if I asked.”
“If I give you a rubdown it’s going to end with you equally or more sore than
before you started,” Beca joked. She yawned. “But it is late now, so sleep is
probably on the cards.” Aubrey nodded and they climbed under the covers. Beca
felt Aubrey’s taller frame curving around hers and smiled.
“Tell me there’s no better feeling in the world than this,” she said sleepily.
“There isn’t,” Aubrey agreed, and they didn’t speak again as fatigue took hold
and they fell asleep.
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