Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1182769.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Major
      Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Fandom:
      Kingdom_Hearts
  Character:
      Demyx, Zexion
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe, AU, Beating, Torture, Punishment, Abuse, Suicide,
      Rape, Character_Death, Mental_Institutions, Yaoi
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-02-13 Chapters: 8/? Words: 30421
****** In My Head ******
by Falco276
Summary
     Summary - Demyx didn't know how much longer he could go on living
     with the horrors that ran through his head.
     Warnings- Characterdeath, rape, boylove, abuse, suicidal tendencies,
     mental institute, one make-out scene, I think that's it
     Pairings- One-sided Zemyx, One-sided SoraDemyx, Passing AxelDemyx,
     SoraRiku, mentioned DemyxSetzer (man, he really gets around in this,
     doesn't he?), hinted SaixAxel
***** Chapter 1 *****
xXx
"Demyx."
The blonde froze when he heard his name spoken from the outside of his cell. He
hated that voice. He despised it. The sound brought with it feelings of dread
and horror and the need to get away from this hellhouse. It brought with it
pain and suffering, horror and humiliation.
Demyx rubbed his wrists together anxiously. He didn't want the man behind the
bars to come in. He never wanted that. But there was no getting away. He cried
out in fear when he heard the key scrape the lock, the grating noise of the
handle being twisted clawing at his ears. "No! No! No! Don't come in!" he
screeched, rocking in the corner of his cell, having fallen to the ground when
he had heard Professor Zexion's tormenting voice.
"Demyx, it is time for our weekly session. Get up please." The voice was
sickeningly sweet, sending chills through Demyx's bruised body. Covering his
face with his shackled hands, the blonde felt the tears coming already,
whimpering as he shivered. He didn't want to know what torture he would be
forced to endure today. His ears twitched when he heard metal on metal,
something being placed on the screwed-down table beside his screwed-down bed.
He didn't want to see what the noise could possibly mean for him today.
"Demyx."
"I'm not crazy! You make me crazy! You make me crazy!" Demyx shrieked when he
felt a hand on his shoulder, but he didn't fight against the short man. He knew
it would hurt worse if he did.
"I'm here to help you, Demyx. You meant to kill those people. You're insane.
It's my job to see if you can be fixed." The doctor leaned down, running a hand
through the messy spikes of blonde that now hung limply around Demyx's face.
"Be good for the next few minutes. We're being watched. See that mirror up
there? My boss is out there. He's going to tap on the glass when he's leaving.
Can you behave so that he doesn't come in here? You wouldn't want that. He
would hurt you, Demyx." The murderer could do nothing but cower. He wanted to
get away from the man that tormented his every conscious thought. With a bit of
guidance from the slate-haired man, Demyx looked up into the mirror he tended
to avoid, trying to see the man behind it. All he could see was the wall
somewhere above his head.
"I-I'm ... insane?" Aquamarine orbs followed the hands that fell down into his
lap, twisting and turning to be examined. The shackles were tight around the
wrists, the nails were bitten off to the edge of the fingertips, the skin was
dry and rough. They were the hands of an insane person. Someone who's been
forced through way too much for one person to handle, he corrected in his mind,
looking up into the one uncovered eye of the man who was supposed to be helping
him. "I'll ... behave."
"Good. Now stand up please."
Nothing bad could happen. They were being watched. He was safe. He had to be.
The evil doctor in front of him couldn't do anything. He just couldn't. But
having been beaten too many times for not obeying the tormenter, Demyx couldn't
just sit there. Forcing himself up on shaking legs, he jumped when he heard a
small rattle behind the mirror he could now see his reflection in. The bags
under his eyes were atrocious, not having been able to gain a proper sleep with
all the screaming and moaning done by both he and the other patients locked in
the depths of Hell itself. His complexion was pale and his cheeks were sunken.
The one thought going through his head was the fact that he reminded himself of
a crack-head. How could he convince them of his sanity if every aspect of his
appearance screamed he had none?
"Zexion, I'm finished for the night now. Do you need me to call you in any help
for this one?" The two looked to the door that had creaked open after the tap
on the mirror, seeing an elderly man sticking his head in. Demyx wanted to
scream at him to stay, to get help, to help him, but he remained silent,
dropping his gaze to the floor. He knew when he was doomed. Zexion smiled an
innocent smile at his boss before stroking Demyx's arm, in what he pretended
was a comforting gesture.
"Thank you for the offer sir, but Demyx is a good boy. He won't cause any
trouble. I will see you in the morning." A pleasant smile was still laced
loosely on the periwinkle-haired man's lips, almost faltering when the elder
doctor spoke again.
"Oh, Zexion, I would also like to ask what the pie is for."
"Demyx refuses to eat the food brought to him from the cafeteria so I was
hoping that he would eat one of his favourite foods." Demyx squeezed his eyes
shut, balling his fists. He would have gladly gobbled up any sort of food given
to him, but Zexion always took it away before he could get anywhere near it.
But the doctor would never believe that. There was no use arguing. He was going
to go without food for another night.
"Alrighty then. Don't let him give you any trouble."
Zexion smirked, his grip on the younger's arm tightening when the door closed.
"Please ... Please don't hurt me..."
"There's nothing stopping me now, is there?"
The whimpering blonde yelped in pain when he was turned abruptly, being slammed
into the wall, his face grating painfully with the coarse stone beneath the
thrice-barred window. Through one of the few small squares, Demyx could see
dusk descending over the criminally insane's prison, the green leaves on the
tree in front of him glittering orange in the eerie light. In any other
position he would have believed it to be truly beautiful, but he could feel his
hands being forced up onto the bars somewhere around mid-abdomen, a second pair
of handcuffs attaching him securely.
"Please ..." The tears were almost slipping into his eyes. Zexion liked it when
he cried. He absolutely adored it. He knew that there would be no way in
avoiding the droplets, but he had to keep them away for as long as he could.
Fingertips grabbed his hips, causing another yelp to come out of the blonde,
trying to pull himself closer to the bars. He hated when Zexion touched him.
Nothing about it felt right. It all felt wrong. Every single aspect of what
they were doing was wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong!
"Demyx," the 'doctor' hissed, a warning note in his voice, forcing Demyx to
comply with his wishes. Still with a firm grip on the younger's scantily clad
hips, Zexion pulled him back, causing Demyx to stumble, being bent double at
the waist. Starting to struggle against the position, finding the metal
handcuffs digging into his wrists as he steadied himself, Demyx cried out when
Zexion punched down on his back, forcing him down a little farther. "Now stay
there."
Already the blonde's legs were shaking with the effort of keeping what little
mass he had from falling to the floor. His hands shook with fear. He didn't
want to find out what the pie was for. He knew it wasn't for eating. Would it
still be finding its way inside of him? With Zexion bringing it closer, he
didn't doubt it.
He screamed when a searing heat pressed against his back. The sizzling pie-
plate was heavy and he could feel himself falter with the pain coursing through
him. "You don't like it, do you, Demyx? Maybe this will make you learn to hold.
Your. Tongue." Demyx could feel the large circle on his back burning and he let
the tears slip from his aquamarine orbs.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Demyx screamed again when Zexion pressed
down on the supposed delicacy. "It won't happen again! I was hungry! I needed
something to eat! I'm sorry!"
"How much did you tell him, Demyx? Did you tell him what I do to you?"
"No! No! I only - ahhhh! Oh god, it hurts! Stop, please!"
"What did you say to him?"
Demyx's watering gaze fell to the floor, desperation lining his features. "I-
I ... I didn't say anything that would get you ... in trouble. I ... promise!"
"How do I know you're telling the truth, hmm? Why else would my boss have
followed me tonight?"
"I don't know! Oh god, I don't know!"
Zexion shoved Demyx from behind, forcing his cheek to grate across the stone,
another whine coming from the blonde, all he could manage in his fear. "Stop
begging the Lord, you scum. He abandoned you the moment you killed those
people."
Obviously, if He's letting me stay here to get tortured. Demyx would never say
the words aloud, knowing the consequences if he did.
"Why did you kill them, Demyx?"
The murderer's thumb automatically went to the ring finger on his left hand,
missing the feel of the gold ring that used to be there. He hadn't meant to
kill them ... "They deserved it."
"Why?"
Demyx slammed his eyes shut when he felt fingers on his hips once more, the
pain in his back crippling his mind. "He hurt me. He hurt me, so they both had
to die." Images of his redheaded lover crossed through his mind and a wave of
regret passed over him. He missed Axel so badly.
"If you had the chance, would you kill me?"
More tears came when the blonde felt the elastic band from his pants being slid
down. "Yes. What the hell ... type of ... question is that?" Demyx bit his lip,
jerking forward to escape the touch. He could handle any pain that Zexion threw
at him to an extent, but this was the part he hated most. He couldn't stand the
feeling of those fingers inching over his skin, the way his pants were slid
down ever-so-slowly, torturing him longer than he could bare. He hated the fact
that Zexion had requested him to always already be prepared for their sessions
- no shirt, no underwear, just the standard-issue prison pants slipping from
his hips. He hated what was coming next.
"Do you hate me for what I do to you?"
"Leave me alone! Just don't touch me! Leave me alone!" Demyx screamed at the
top of his lungs, slamming his eyes shut, trying to move away from the defiling
touch that was moving back up after slipping away the dirty material that had
covered him. "Don't touch me!" Hands were on his hips once again, one finger
moving up, closer, closer until finally he couldn't take the feeling anymore.
His shaking knees buckled and he fell to the floor, pulling his frail body
closer to the wall with chalk-white hands gripping onto the bars. Fear coursed
through him as the pie-pan that had seared through his skin clattered to the
floor with a crash, some of the still-warm pie flying up, splattering the
scene, some landing on his feet and back. His hips pressed into the wall and he
nuzzled against the cold stone, begging it to take him and hide him away.
"How dare you, you petty little rat? I'll teach you to run away from me!"
"Don't touch me!" Demyx wished for nothing more than his voice to travel out
into the hallways where surely someone would hear him, someone would be able to
come save him. They had to be able to come save him! How could they not hear
him? A strong hand laced through his hair, snapping his head back. This was it.
He was going to die. Zexion was going to beat him to a bloody pulp for
disobeying him. A cry of pain erupted from him as he tried to make as much
noise as he could. But who would listen? When was there a night when someone
wasn't screaming for one reason or another? Were they not all crazy in this
hellhole? "I'll kill myself!" The blonde brought his teeth down as hard as he
could on his tongue, remembering in the back of his mind all those shows he had
watched where they put something in someone's mouth to keep them from biting
off their tongue. Something told him that he could bleed to death if he did. He
could taste the blood, feel the pain, but he didn't know how hard he would have
to bite to get away from the periwinkle-haired monster.
In the milli-second of hesitation where he decided whether he had bit hard
enough or to continue the dirty deed, Zexion wheeled him around, one hand
yanking down on his bottom jaw, the other pulling up on the top. Demyx's eyes
leaked more tears as pain exploded through his mouth. He would have been
screaming from the pain in his back but only the edges of the circle of burnt
skin could feel anything. Jaw nearly popping at the seams, Demyx thrashed,
trying desperately to kick at his attacker but weeks without proper nourishment
left him unable to land a hit. Hands still latched beside his head, Demyx fell
limp in the elder's hold.
"Do not disobey me, Demyx." The words were hissed and the angered breath ran
over his nose, making him flinch, trying to pull back. His tongue flicked over
pampered fingertips, trying to push them out, still backing his head into the
wall. The fingers refused to move as he gave up, the pain too great for him to
handle. "Are you listening to me, Demyx?" When still Demyx didn't reply, Zexion
slammed his head back, causing a muffled sob of pain. "I'll kill you, you son
of a bitch."
Before Demyx could try to get the word "good" out of his mouth, the door
slammed open and Zexion was screaming, releasing his mouth. Knowing it could
only be a matter of seconds before the nightmare was on him again, eyes still
firmly clamped shut, Demyx slammed his teeth down. More pain flooded through
him but he was going to be free. The commotion around him meant nothing. It was
just loud noises and strangers shouting. He had to kill himself before Zexion
had the honour. A scream ripped through his lips when he felt hands on him
again, prying open his bloody lips, shoving an object between his teeth.
Zexion's shrieking was fading away and the blonde hoped beyond hope that it was
because he was finally dying, finally releasing himself from the suffering. But
he heard a stranger's voice yell somewhere close to his face. Seconds later
there was a sting on the side of his neck and he felt nothing as he slipped
into darkness.
xXx
To Be Continued
xXx
***** Sora *****
xXx
His vision was blurred as he slowly drifted into consciousness, his pain dull
as his body throbbed. Trying to speak, he found he couldn't due to the rubber
rod he had fastened in his mouth. Panic shot through his immobilized body as
all sorts of outcomes ran through his mind. Did he die? Did Zexion take him to
some lab to be experimented on? Was he going to be tortured far worse here?
"Hey, sleepy-head. Jeez, you were passed out for like ... days!"
Demyx squeezed his eyes shut before opening them slowly, trying to locate the
owner of the voice floating through the haze. Finally he spotted a brown-haired
man beaming at him from the bed across from his. Since when were there beds
across from him? Or on either side of him...? When had his small little window
given him so much light?
The blonde shook his head, trying to get some feeling back in his body by
getting his blood moving. He tried lifting his arms but groaned when he found
them latched onto the bed frame. "Hey bud, don't try to move so much. You'll
just rip out your IV." Demyx looked up, his vision finally picking up the
bright cerulean orbs taking him in from the small distance there was between
the two of them. Trying to speak, Demyx crinkled his nose when he found the
object blocking his tongue from moving stopped any words he could try. "Don't
worry about it, Demyx. You're gonna be fine. Do you want me to call the doctors
in for you now?" A small spark of fear lit up the blonde and his eyes went
wide. At first the thought of this stranger knowing his name unnerved him but
then he realized that the boy had said doctors. Zexion was a doctor. Zexion was
the last person that he wanted to see.
"Are you okay?"
"N-nnng. Nnng!" Demyx screwed his eyes shut, trying to scream through the
object stopping him but his throat was still raw from his last nightmare with
Zexion.
"Hey, wait, Demyx, careful, don't hurt yourself!" The stranger sat up
straighter, leaning forward as best as he could while staying in his own
restraints. A little buzzer sounded when his thumb connected to the pager in
his hand and it wasn't long before three nurses in white uniforms came rushing
in to a panicking Demyx.
"It's okay, sir. Please, try to calm down! There's no one here to hurt you!
You're safe!"
The stranger in the bed opposite him squirmed to try and get a good look as two
of the nurses held Demyx back against the mattress. There wasn't anywhere for
him to go anyways. His wrists and ankles were attached to the metal around him,
a strap ran over his belly and an IV was lodged into the top of his hand. But
still he tried valiantly to thrash away from his captors, screaming as best as
he could when he felt two pairs of hands holding him back.
"Demyx, please, calm down. I don't want to have to sedate you." The sound of a
woman's voice stopped him cold. It had been so long since he had heard someone
other than the periwinkle-haired tormenter. Forcing himself to relax, scared,
child-like aquamarine orbs gazed up at the woman holding the needle in her hand
like a threat. "Do you want to talk?" Demyx nodded slowly, sure that it was
just a trick. Zexion would do things like this to him all the time. It was
nothing new. "Promise not to bite your tongue again?" A puzzled look came over
Demyx's face until he remembered the feeling of Zexion's fingers over him,
being shoved into the wall, being so desperate that he had tried to end his
life. Shivering with remembrance, the blonde slammed his eyes shut, curling in
on himself, shaking his head no. He took in a sharp gasp when he felt hands on
his cheeks, digging at the straps there. "It's okay. They're helping you. You
don't have to worry about Zexion ever again." Keeping his eyes shut, Demyx
stopped fighting, the words reassuring him, if only slightly.
"He's gone? For good?" were the first words out of Demyx's mouth once the
object was removed. He licked at the roof of his mouth, trying to rid himself
of the feeling, no pulse of pain from his tongue. He was on too many pain
medications for his back to feel something so small as his tongue.
"He was taken away to the state prison three hours from here this morning.
You're safe, Demyx."
The blonde refused to believe it. He hadn't been safe for thirteen years. Ever
since that first time ... that first time Axel ... "I'm not gonna be safe.
Someone else'll just come get me and beat me ..." The brunette opposite him
smirked, putting on a large, reassuring smile.
"Don't worry. That's why I'm here. I'll help protect you! Name's Sora."
Demyx couldn't return the smile. "I don't believe it. I'm not going to believe
it. Because if I believe it, ..." The blonde trailed off, not feeling like
opening up to all these strangers. Instead he just closed his eyes, leaning his
head back against his pillow. A pillow. That was a luxury he hadn't been
allowed for far too long.
"Demyx, do you want to live?" The nurse beckoned the other two out of the room,
staying by the foot of the blonde's bed. Aquamarine orbs cracked just a hair.
"We'll see."
Accepting that as the most straightforward answer she would be getting and a
decent enough one to keep her charge out of danger, the nurse smiled, turning
to give the brunette a stern look. Sora nodded with a smirked "I got it, I got
it," before the woman bustled away, stopping at the doors to peer back once
more.
"You're going to be safe here now, Demyx."
xXx
"Soo? Are you gonna talk to me today? It's so boring when you don't talk, you
know!" Demyx squeezed his eyes shut tighter, hoping he could just shut the
brunette away. He didn't know how much longer he could listen to the fidgeting
boy. "We can trade stories, ya know! That'd be cool, wouldn't it?"
Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. Trying to keep himself from
yelling at his one companion, Demyx clenched his fingers shut. "Only if you
promise that you'll be quiet for just half an hour. I don't know how much more
of you I can take."
A giant smirk crossed the younger's unscarred face. "Riku said the exact same
thing that ... that last night." Then a pout took over. "But he was joking. At
least I think he was joking. We'll just say he was joking. But then there was
this jerk-wad ... Demyx, are you gonna tell me your story if I tell you mine?"
Demyx glanced at the hopeful boy, confused as to how he could change subjects
so quickly. Deciding it would be better to attempt making friends with this boy
than finding ways to make him upset, the blonde nodded, nearly curious to find
out how someone else could be locked up in a place like this. "Well, me and
Riku were friends since we were kids. We said we'd grow old together, be that
old couple rocking in rocking chairs on the front deck of some little cottage
on a lake somewhere. But ... But he didn't even get to say he loved me that one
night."
Sora took a deep breath, clutching at the metal at his fingertips, being
careful not to press the red button on the buzzer. "He had to go out for a
walk. He said he just wanted to get outta the house for a bit. At first he
didn't want me to go with him - I knew he was only doing it to get away from me
- but he ended up letting me go with him." A shiver ran over the brunette boy
and something told Demyx that the story was no longer being said for him to
hear, but for the boy to get it out. "It was great. He decided to take me out
for pizza and everything. But then this ... this asshole ... he came up to us
in the middle of the street. We didn't even do anything that would make him
mad. He just kinda wobbled there for a second and smiled like he'd lost his
mind. I think he was drunk. He had to be. But Riku and me ... we were just
walking... And he came up ... he grabbed Riku and ... I don't even know why but
he shoved him up against the nearest building ... and he put a knife right
against his throat." Sora tried to move his hand up to show where the weapon
had been but he couldn't shake loose the bindings.
Demyx tapped his fingers against the bed frame. The caring side that he had
been known for in his previous life was sniffing out the brunette that seemed
to need nothing more than a good hug. It frustrated him that he couldn't
comfort the boy that needed him but then he would come back to his painful
reality and just want Sora to stop talking. He didn't want to hear this story.
"The guy shoved me away when I went to go get him off and I fell on the ground.
Riku got ... got really pissed at him. He tried to get the guy off him but the
dude was just too big. He said he just wanted Riku's money and then he would
leave. But I opened my big fat mouth and told him to leave my boyfriend alone."
The tears leaking into those cerulean orbs cut off the words in Sora's throat.
He wasn't even looking at the blonde anymore. His desperate gaze searched
around the room as if Riku was going to slip out from beneath one of the beds.
"T-Turns out ... he hates us 'fags'. He threw ... he threw Riku down and ...
and I couldn't do anything. I was ... I was stuck there ... I was scared ... I
couldn't even save my best friend when ... when he was being killed. I couldn't
... I couldn't save him. I couldn't move. I just watched as he screamed ... I
just sat there crying ... I couldn't ... Riku!" The boy snapped, thrashing
where he sat, shoving his shoulders back against his mattress. A scream ripped
through his lips and his fingers flailed, sending the emergency button dangling
down until it nearly touched the floor. "Riku!" the brunette shrieked, hurting
Demyx's ears and heart with its intensity.
"What's going on in here? Demyx, what did you say to him?"
Just as the blonde had hoped, nurses came running at the sound of the
screaming, though he hadn't counted on it being himself that would get the
blame. He shook his head when the head nurse came over to interrogate him, the
two others going over to calm the brunette down. "I-I didn't .. He wanted ...
he just wanted to tell me what happened to him ... How was I supposed to know
he was gonna start screaming? His Riku's gone. I don't blame him for
screaming." A pout creased Demyx's mouth and tears welled up in his eyes. "At
least Riku actually loved him still."
"What?"
"Riku!" The brunette shrieked the name once more, causing the orderlies around
to cringe, still trying to push the boy's shoulders back, a rubber rod in the
hand of one that Demyx recognized to be one like the thing they had used to
keep him from biting his tongue. The blonde could see the panic and horror in
those wide-open, sightless blue orbs. He knew that feeling. Zexion had made
that face appear so many times.
"Don't touch him! You're only making it worse! The last thing he needs right
now is to be touched!" Demyx tried to pull his hands free, but the metal
bindings continued to hold fast. "Leave him alone!" he sobbed pathetically,
knowing there was nothing he could do. The head nurse turned back to look at
him, a scowl on her lips.
"Since when are you his doctor?"
"Since Zexion hurt me! Can't you see how scared he is? Do you even know why
he's in here?" Slamming his eyes shut from the scene, Demyx shook his head. He
couldn't watch anymore. The boy he was to call his roommate was being tortured
in this too-bright room and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it.
A strange brotherly affection had started to grow towards the boy, so when he
couldn't move to save him a fire burned through his body, setting his muscles
on fire, thrashing as he was.
"Don't be absurd. Of course I know why he's here. He killed a man and fell off
his rocker." The older woman gave him a superior look and he barred his teeth
in a snarl.
"He watched his best friend be killed! Riku was his best friend, his boy
friend! They were meant to grow old together! The dude he killed was probably
the one that killed Riku!"
The struggling in the other bed had stopped, the screaming scaling down to
first a soft whine and then nothing at all. For a moment, when Demyx dared to
look at the younger again, he thought Sora had died. Then he took in the needle
in one of the orderly's hand. They reported to the one in charge and Demyx
slumped where he sat. Was that all life was going to be now? Just screaming and
sedation? Would he scream like that when he was forced to talk about what he
did to Axel?
"Tell him to press the call button when he wakes up. It's time to start his
therapy."
"You're not allowed to hurt him!" Demyx bristled at the word therapy. That was
supposedly what Zexion came to his room for. What that man did was far from
therapy. If Sora had to go through that ...
"He'll have his therapy sessions with the man that saved you from that
disgusting scum. He'll be in good hands."
Demyx glared up at the woman. "I'll know if he's hurt. If he does ... If he
does get hurt ... bad things will happen."
The woman rolled her eyes; sure it was just the mental problems threatening her
or her colleagues. "Get some rest, Demyx." And she was gone.
xXx
That first time, Sora came back unconscious, carted back to their room in a
wheelchair. Demyx bristled, eyes searching for a reason behind it. One of the
nurses noticed his mounting panic and threw a kind smile at him. "He went into
one of his episodes. He's only sedated." The brunette boy was strapped back
into his bed and Demyx whined, wanting those cerulean orbs to open so that Sora
himself could say that nothing bad happened.
It seemed to take forever without any clocks around, but Sora slowly let his
eyes lift open, a confused expression on his face. After blinking a few times,
the boy pulled weakly at his wrist, trying to bring it up to wipe at his face.
"Wha ... Oh ... Demyx ... Hi?"
"Did they hurt you, Sora?"
The confused look stayed on the brunette's face and he tilted his head to the
side. "No? I don't think so... My mind's a lil' foggy right now though. And my
throat kinda hurts. I think I was screaming again." Sora's voice was strained,
supporting his theory. "I don't hurt though. I kinda feel ... sad. And tired.
Sad and tired. Do you mind ... if I get some real sleep now, Demyx? Being drug-
induced gives me nightmares."
Demyx had a million questions bumping around in his brain, but didn't deny the
boy his rest. He knew how hard it was to sleep in this crazy world. You had to
take advantage of every second you got. "I'll save you if you start to have a
bad dream, okay?" The brunette only smiled, letting his eyes drift shut once
more.
xXx
"Can you leave me free, please? I've been locked up here long enough. And
aren't I getting better? I didn't scream in therapy today. I can say Riku
without freaking out. Please?" Sora pleaded with the nurse walking him forward
with handcuffs on his wrists. "We weren't really supposed to be handcuffed in
our cell anyways. This kinda counts as a cell. I know it's a hospital room, but
I don't wanna be stuck in bed anymore. And I don't want this stupid catheter in
anymore. Do you know what it's like being attached to a pee-bag because your
nurses think you're too dangerous to run loose? I haven't shown any signs of
being dangerous, have I? Sure, I'm crazy, but I'm not gonna hurt anyone." The
brunette turned to his blonde cell-mate, cerulean orbs holding a hidden glint
of mischief Demyx had never seen from the younger before. "You wanna be free
too, don't you, Demyx? That would help your back heal a bit instead of laying
on it all the time."
The blonde started, not knowing the younger had ever been awake when it had
been time to change his bandages but he nodded none-the-less. Oh what it would
be like to be able to move freely again. His wrists had rashes from rubbing
against the metal so often and he thought that he would lose all feeling in his
legs if he didn't walk around soon. He'd already been in the room for two weeks
and he was getting bored, sitting there day in and day out. He almost missed
his old cell. Sure, Zexion would hurt him, but at least he'd been able to move.
Being hurt wasn't something he was new to so they should let him walk it off.
It helped to move when he hurt. "Yeah, I wanna be free too. We're friends now.
We're not gonna kill each other."
"I would have to ask the head nurse and she's busy today. Please, bring it up
with her the next time you see her."
"But ma'am," Sora whined, turning his glistening cerulean orbs on his host.
Demyx tried to hide his smirk, wondering how anyone could possibly resist that
look. "We're good kids, really! Why don't you go ask her boss or something? I'm
sure that you can find a way to let us go."
"Please?" Demyx added, just to be on the safe side. The woman blushed,
continuing to guide the brunette to his bed. "We promise we'll be good." The
blonde didn't even know where the request was coming from himself and he was
almost scared that Sora would take some sort of advantage over him, but right
then it didn't matter. He wanted to be in control again. He hadn't been in
control since he had killed Axel.
Sora was seated on his bed, but only one hand was secured, the woman backing
away when she heard the click. The boys gave her a confused look but she gave
them a weak, reassuring smile. "I'm going to go get the head doctor. I'll make
sure he says yes."
When the woman was gone, Demyx looked down at his bindings, wondering if he was
really going to be released from them. "What made you get that idea, Sora? I
didn't think you were the rebellious type." Sora reached over, rubbing at his
chained wrist with his free one, shrugging a bit.
"I forgot what it was like to walk around without someone holding onto me. The
doc let me today in therapy. I think he's gonna regret it now, giving me ideas,
but I just ... I like the feeling, ya know? Makes me feel a little more sane."
Another thought struck the blonde. He'd been able to move around in his old
cell, and the last time he checked, where the duo resided now was only
temporary, until the burn on his back was able to go without bandaging. "Why're
you in here?"
The brunette's eyes widened, mildly shocked by the question. "I ... They didn't
trust me in the cell I was in. Well, they didn't trust the guy in the cell
beside mine, since we were both almost okay, almost good enough to be put into
the regular system, so we already had the regular cells, the ones that
connected by the bars on the side... You've been asleep whenever I would get a
bath, weren't you? Or at least pretending to be?" Demyx thought back and
nodded, realizing that he hadn't seen the brunette without clothing, though
apparently he himself had been seen. "Well, he somehow managed to sneak a fork
back to his cell. Talked me into going over to the bars to see something. It's
amazing how deep those things can go."
Some part of Demyx doubted the tale he was told, but he hardly cared by that
point. He didn't even have time to formulate another question as the nurse came
back, being followed by an elderly man that Demyx recognized all too well.
Whole body tensing as the man walked into the room, Demyx felt his breath
coming in short gasps. The last time he had seen that smiling face, Zexion's
hand was on his arm. That same, fake smile was on his lips, the one he wore to
let his patients think he cared. "Sora, I hear you've requested to be released
from your bed. Is that because of our session today?"
An innocent look crossed the brunette's features as he turned his gaze from the
elder man to the floor. "Yes sir. You don't have any idea how good it felt to
finally be able to walk around again! I think it would really help my mind. If
I can walk around, I can let out my insanity, right? Like, I can move to let
off some steam?"
The grey-haired man stroked at his chin, pondering the request. "What do you
think, Demyx?" The blonde stiffened, his eyes widening before clamping shut.
"Asshole! You can't just call me by name like you weren't the one that left me
there! You left me with him! You left me!" Demyx's heart was thudding in his
chest, tears sparking in his eyes as he remembered the defilement that the man
standing at the foot of his bed could have prevented. If that man had of
stayed, he would still have feeling in the majority of his back. "Why'd you
leave?" His voice shaking with his fear, Demyx backed as far away as he could
when the man moved towards him. The fake smile disappeared from his lips,
suddenly becoming very serious at the prospect of having one of his patients
willing to jump at him.
"What do you mean, Demyx? When did I leave?"
The blonde balled his fists, begging the man to stay away from him when he
couldn't even defend himself. The doctor respected Demyx's wishes, keeping his
fingers on his chin. "You said ... you said you were going home... That you
were done for the night ... You could have saved me but ... but you left."
Comprehension dawned on the old man's face.
"Ah, I see. You were distraught when Zexion was taken away, weren't you? Who do
you think it was that stopped you from killing yourself?"
Demyx's horrified eyes ran over the gray-haired man, his chest tightening. He
felt like he was going to be sick, his tongue aching with just the thought of
being bitten into once more. "Y-You ... You did that? H-How did you ... how did
you know what was going on?"
A soft, apologetic smile appeared on the man's lips and Demyx wanted to claw it
off. He didn't want pity. He wanted answers. "I went back into the adjoining
room. There were police there waiting fo-"
"You were watching?" Demyx hissed, his voice laced with venom, suddenly feeling
very exposed. Someone had been watching him in his weakest moment.
"Let me finish, Demyx. We had a suspicion that something was going on between
the two of you but we needed some sort of evidence. We had to catch Zexion in
the act, catch him on video." Demyx's blood ran cold. Strangers had seen him at
his weakest moment? It had been taped? Shivers of fury and embarrassment shot
through the blonde and he shut his eyes, hanging his head. "We were going to
stop the situation before anything drastic happened, like pure penetration or
if either of you threatened your life, Demyx."
"Did burning my back not count? Did making me scream bloody murder not count?
How did you know he was even going to do anything like that? How many times
have you watched?" Tears of frustration and pure, raw emotion slipped down
Demyx's cheeks as he fought against the metal holding him still, the strap
around his stomach pushing the air from his lungs. His world was spinning and
he hoped he would pass out soon so that he wouldn't have to feel the betrayal
ripping at his heart. He had to move. He had to get up and move. He needed to
punch something, to hurt something. Images of Axel - bleeding and broken, his
head lolling - flashed through his mind and he shot his fingers open, needing
to reach the man he had loved. The dead body of a blue-haired stranger slumped
down over the still-visible bed and his nerves bristled at the sight, knowing
he was the one that had killed the sinner.
"Demyx, please, calm down. I know it must be difficult to process all of this
information, but please, restrain yourself."
"How many times did you watch?"
The man sighed, knowing he would get nowhere with the blonde unless he answered
the questions being shrieked at him. Sora was cowering with the nurse over by
his bed, using her as a shield to save him from Demyx's rage. "I was concerned
for your well-being, Demyx. That was the second time I had witnessed Zexion's
evil deeds."
"How could you live with yourself?" Demyx's shriek had died down to a pained
hiss, his aquamarine orbs darkened as he glared up at the man that was
supposedly a saviour. "How could you live with yourself after watching?"
"I am one man. Without any proof on the matter, my word means nothing. I
couldn't very well go up to the police and say that my apprentice was raping
one of my criminally insane patients." Demyx cowered away at the word that
described perfectly what had happened to him, time after time. "They wouldn't
have cared, Demyx. I had to have evidence. Even then, it was difficult to get
them to agree. My patients mean nothing to the authorities. You are nothing
more than scum beneath their feet, lowest of the low. We live in a time where
mental illness is frowned up. You should know this."
He did. Demyx knew very well that he was frowned upon. No one accepted him. His
parents didn't. His brother didn't. His best friends didn't. Even Axel didn't.
They all sifted out of his life, one by one, leaving him alone with nothing
more than demons and pain and suffering. Axel had stayed with him the longest,
but even the redhead only used him. He wasn't normal to other people. He was
someone to be stepped on, walked over. That's why his family disowned him - he
was gay. No one wanted a gay son or brother. His friends couldn't handle the
fact that he chose to stay with Axel. Axel ... Axel told him how worthless he
was, how he had no one but the redhead, that every other person in the world
would do nothing but use and abuse him. That's why he took the pain and
suffering Axel caused. He deserved it. He deserved every second of the
punishment he received.
"I ... I deserved it. I ... I displeased Zexion ... I couldn't ... I couldn't
do ... anything to please him. I was nothing. So ... so he punished me. He ...
he punished me for ... for everything ... I couldn't .. I couldn't ..." Demyx
couldn't continue. His voice was giving out. His vision was swimming. The world
was spinning. His stomach was churning. He was going to throw up. He was going
to pass out.
He was insane.
xXx
To be Continued
xXx
***** Confessions *****
"Turn it off." Demyx had his eyes shut tight, refusing to look at the
television screen sitting on the desk in front of him.
"He hurt me. He hurt me so they both had to die."
"If you had the chance, would you kill me too?"
"Yes."
Demyx fought against the handcuffs holding his hands in his lap, leaning
forward in an attempt at reaching his ears. He couldn't take the sound of his
defilement any longer. "Turn it off! Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off!"
The blonde rocked in the chair he sat in. His whole body convulsed, not needing
to hear the torture over again. He could still feel how close he had come to
being ripped open again. Silence fell from the machine and the elder man behind
the desk leaned forward, propping himself up on his elbows. "How the hell is
that supposed to help? Don't you think hearing it over and over in my head
isn't enough? Don't you know I still feel his hands all over me every time
someone even just brushes against me? How the hell is that supposed to help
me?"
The older man smiled. "I wanted to see how far into the video you could make
it. It actually taught me a great deal. You made me stop it when you actually
stood up for yourself. Are you ashamed you did? Is it against what you normally
do?"
Demyx's head swam. It wasn't because he stood up for himself that he wanted it
stopped. He knew what was coming next. He knew that the worst of the screaming
wasn't over and knew he wouldn't be able to take it. "Yeah.. You've seen me ...
how often ... how often am I able to stand up for myself without getting the
snot beat out of me. I guess ... even just hearing me rebel against someone ...
I feel like I'm going to get punished, even if I was already punished for it."
Taking in a few steadying breaths, Demyx rubbed at his eyes before sitting back
up to face the doctor that hadn't left him after all. He wondered if the old
man knew how hard it was for him to talk about the slate-haired monster, about
punishment, about his former life. But he wasn't just talking about Axel's
punishment. Someone had always punished him for speaking his mind; be it his
parents, his teachers, his friends or his husband. "I'm ... I'm worthless ...
so I don't get a say in anything. I really shouldn't even be wasting your time.
I'm sorry, sir."
"Demyx ... do you think you're insane?" Taken aback by the sudden change of
subject, Demyx tilted his head to the side, an innocent ghost of a smile on his
lips.
"I'm here, aren't I? That means I'm off my rocker. I don't think so, but
society does and what society says, I have to do. It's probably safer in here
for me anyways."
"Would you want to head back out into the working world?"
Demyx hadn't ever really thought about it before. Would he be able to live out
there? Was he really living here? "It doesn't really matter, does it? I've
killed people. I'm gonna spend my life in prison, no matter how much they
deserved to die." The doctor jumped at the opportunity to talk about the
reasons behind Demyx's imprisonment.
"Why'd they deserve it, Demyx? What did they do to make you want to kill them?"
Refusing to look at the man, the blonde spoke into his lap. "I guess ... I
guess I shouldn't have ... I shouldn't have killed the other person. He might
not have known I was even in the picture. I doubt ... I doubt Axel would tell
him something like 'Oh, I'm married, so we really shouldn't have sex in my bed
where my husband could walk in on us at any moment since he's only out to get
the groceries down the street.' Then again, I doubt that Axel would have even
really cared about me. I .. I just ... I ... I-" Demyx found himself choked up.
He didn't feel any regret, so then why was he on the verge of crying?
"Will you tell me how it happened?"
Demyx shook his head. He couldn't. He still could hardly believe that the sin
had been committed. But Axel's pleading voice sent shivers through his body as
it echoed through his mind. 'Please, Demyx, don't do this...' 'Just shoot me! I
give up! Just shoot me! Demyx!' 'You made him come into this house! If you had
of been better for me, none of this would have happened.'"It's always my
fault..." 'your fault' Demyx forced his hands up over his ears, ignoring the
sting of the chain biting into his face as he pulled the handcuffs tight. He
had to block out Axel's voice. It was ringing in his ears and making him feel
sick. "I ... I didn't want anyone to die! I swear I didn't! It's just ... I .."
"It's alright, Demyx. If you can't talk about it right now, we can start off
right here on our next session."
"I don't ever wanna talk about it."
That kind, fatherly smile was back on the man's face and Demyx shivered. He
didn't want to trust the kindness, knowing that the man was just trying to rope
him in to make hurting him even easier. "Why don't we swap stories, Demyx?"
"No." He wasn't interested. He knew what was going to happen. Pulling his hands
away from his ears, the blonde leaned back in his chair. "I don't want to talk
anymore."
"Are you still mad at me?"
"I'll always be mad at you." Demyx moved to cross his arms across his chest,
cringing when they couldn't even cross half the span. Instead he laced his long
musician's fingers together, placing them delicately in his lap.
"Mad enough to kill me?"
Aquamarine orbs were rolled in annoyance, landing on the ceiling. "Just because
I get mad at someone doesn't mean I'm gonna kill them. Axel would beat the crap
outta me and Zexion ... well ... yeah ..." Demyx trailed off, feeling his chest
constrict with the mention of Axel's cruelty. "But it doesn't matter. I don't
wanna kill you. I'm just mad at you."
"Alright. What can I do to make it up to you? I don't like it when people are
mad at me. I do everything in my power to make it better. What do you want,
Demyx?"
The blonde looked down at his wrists. "I don't wanna be tied up like a dog with
rabies anymore. I'm not dangerous. I won't hurt anyone. I'm really not a bad
person. Just get rid of these." Leaning forward, Demyx placed his hands on the
doctor's desk, only inches from the man's elbow. "Release me. It'd make me feel
more sane because have you ever had to be locked up, at the full mercy of
someone else? It's ... It's horrifying." Giving the man his most serious face,
the blonde pleaded with his eyes to be released, knowing the doctor had the key
somewhere in his desk.
"Will it make you trust me if I let you go?"
Demyx pondered his answer for a second before nodding. "Yeah, I'd trust you a
bit more." Keeping his dull brown eyes on the blonde, the older man brought
back his smile, reaching down into his desk, pulling up a small key that looked
just big enough to fit the lock of his handcuffs.
"We're going to end our session on this note, okay?"
Demyx's brows crinkled. "What, with you teasing me like this? You're only gonna
show me that there is a key, not that it's gonna be used?" Weathered hands
gripped around Demyx's, making the blonde cringe, trying to pull them away, the
only thing keeping him still was the prospect of the key he could feel on his
skin. "C-Could you ... please not touch me? It makes me think of Zexion."
"That's the point. You're going to see that not everyone is out to get you. You
feel the key there, don't you? I'll walk you back to your room with the key
touching your skin somewhere. That way you have some safety to cling to,
alright? And if it gets too overwhelming at any time, you can ask me to take my
hands away. But I'll only take them away if you ask, alright? If you can make
it back to the room, you get to have the rest of the day out of your
restrictions."
Demyx closed his eyes, steadying his breath, determined to be free, if only for
a day. "But what about Sora?" He was nudged into standing, his eyes still
closed when he felt the doctor come around the desk to stand behind him.
"Sora hasn't shown he's worthy of being released. You have." Demyx took in a
sharp breath when he felt the cold metal of the key press against the bare
upper-half of his arm, his hands tensing as they were brought up to his chest,
thoughts of Zexion flooding his mind.
"Not Zexion, not Zexion, not Zexion. You're fine," he hissed under his breath,
letting the air out slowly. "Alright. Alright, I'm good. I ... I can do this."
Demyx only faltered twice on the short walk back to his shared room, feeling
the key leave his skin for a fraction of a second the first time, being scared
out of his wits by an opening elevator the second. The doctor beamed at him
when he stepped back into his room to join the brunette. "Wonderful, Demyx!
Absolutely brilliant! I didn't think that you had so much self-control. Not
meant to be offensive, just think of the people I tend to work with. I think
that definitely deserves at least a full day of being out of your cuffs! But
you've got to promise you'll leave the orderlies alone when they're in here.
But tomorrow we'll work on hearing your story, alright?"
Demyx jumped when he felt the key being removed from his skin, but beamed when
he watched the man stand in front of him, feeling his handcuffs slipping from
his wrists. His arms moved sluggishly, being careful not to move too fast in
case there was an invisible tether attached to them. When they were spread as
far as they could go, Demyx let out a happy little laugh, squealing slightly,
drawing his arms back in as he laughed more. He was free. He was finally free!
After so long of being a captive to other's intentions, Demyx could make some
decisions of his own.
"Hey! No fair! That's not fair at all! Why does he get outta his handcuffs?
Why's he so much better than me?" Sora fought the metal still holding him to
his bed, yanking with all his strength to achieve what Demyx had. The blonde
stretched his arms once more, trying hard to suppress his giddiness so as not
to rub it in the brunette's face.
"You didn't earn it, Sora. You'll be allowed to be free when I feel you've
earned it."
"Ugh!" Sora cried out in frustration, shoving himself back against his
mattress. "How do I do that?"
"Show that I can trust you."
Demyx moved a step away from the doctor, fearing that he was just playing some
sort of joke on him. He went and sat on the edge of the nearest bed, a hand on
either side of his legs to support himself. He didn't want to look down to see
his wrist scarred up due to the metal, but he couldn't resist. The skin was
raw, but he had expected much worse. A small amount of trust for the elder man
flooded into him, knowing that his wrists had been saved permanent damage due
to the doctor's kindness. The old man stepped forward, placing his hand on
Demyx's shoulder, trusting him not to lash out from fear. Demyx could sense
that and forced himself to stay still even though it meant his body began to
shake from the effort.
"How much are you going to tell me tomorrow, Demyx?"
Biting his lower lip as he thought about it, Demyx looked up at the ceiling.
After a moment, he gave the man a miniature smile. "As much as I can trust you
with."
"Do you think that will be much?"
The smile grew. "Depends on how much I like being free, doesn't it?"
The man chuckled, smiling as he removed his hand. "I guess that's the best
answer I can hope from you?" The blonde nodded. "Alright. I'll come to get you
tomorrow, okay?" Another nod and the man departed.
"Not far! I was a good boy! I should get to be out too."
Demyx ignored the boy, walking around the room to get used to his legs being
able to move. That night he had the best sleep he'd had in ages, able to block
out Sora's moaning about how unfair the perfectly fair treatment was.
xXx
"Start with when you were a kid, Demyx."
The blonde pouted, gazing down at his newly-handcuffed wrists. "Do I gotta?"
The doctor smiled, a soft laugh escaping him at the child-like innocence on
Demyx's features. "Do you want to be handcuff-free again?"
Pondering this, Demyx's pout increased when he nodded his head. "Yeah, I guess.
But you trust me, don't you? So, I should be allowed to talk about what I can
without my hands being tied, right? Since you trust me?" Demyx was amazed at
how happy a decent night's sleep could make him. Even the prospect of telling
his deepest, darkest secrets to a man whose name he had yet to learn didn't
faze him.
"Sorry, Demyx, but I need some sort of leverage to get you to talk. If you're
good, they'll come off."
Demyx sighed, but didn't argue the point any farther. "Fine. Though there's not
all that much to tell... Not about when I was little, anyways. It was all fine
until I told my parents about my sexuality. I guess ... I guess I had friends
when I was a kid. They didn't do anything bad to me. I would get picked on a
little, but I mean what kid isn't picked on at least a bit?" Demyx lowered his
eyes to his hands, concentrating on the metal that could only be released by
telling his story. "As I got older, the kids kept calling me a fag. By High
School, I had admitted to my parents what I was. Dad thought he could punish it
outta me, Mom cried a bit then wouldn't look at me in the face ... ever. I
wasn't .. I wasn't all that close to my parents anyways ... so I guess that
didn't bug me too bad. But my bro was cool with it, and that's what mattered
the most. The most he did was throw me down on the couch, all happy, saying 'I
knew it! I knew my little bro was a faggot!' I think he was okay with it...
We'll ... We'll just say he was okay, okay?" Demyx smiled at the memory. He had
laughed then with his brother. "We got along for a while after that still ...
but then ..."
The elder man waited patiently with hands folded over his desk, smiling
encouragingly at the blonde. Demyx didn't know how much he wanted to say. This
doctor was the first one who hadn't cringed away at least a little when he
admitted to being gay. But then again, why would he react badly? Faggotry
seemed to run rampant in the halls of the Mental Institute.
"So would you say you had a happy childhood? Before you told your parents your
secret, you had a happy life?"
Demyx thought before nodding. "Yeah, I would say it was happy. Even after, I
was still pretty happy."
"You weren't neglected or anything? Provided with food, water, a warm place to
sleep?" Another nod from the blonde and the doctor 'hmm'ed. "Did you always
feel safe? Were you comfortable being in your house?"
"Well ... I ..." A quick peek was chanced at the elder man. "I was ... When I
was little? I ... I was definitely safer when I was little. Dad would get mad
sometimes, but it wasn't that bad. I got beat every once in a while, but it was
only if I did something wrong ... Even then, it wasn't too bad. He did it to
Cloud too, and Cloud said that his friends got treated the same way sometimes,
just not as much. Oldschool, ya know?"
"When did you start to feel unsafe?"
Axel ... "After I told my parents ... that I had a boyfriend. So, that was when
I was ... thirteen, I think. Yeah, Cloud was just graduating and finding a
place with his girlfriend, so, thirteen. But it wasn't ... it wasn't 'Oh my
god, I'm gonna die' unsafe. It was more ... I dunno, like 'what if Dad finds
out I snuck out to see Setzer'. I wasn't scared I was gonna get killed, because
I knew they still cared about me, no matter what it seemed like ... But I was
scared I was disappointing them. No, I knew I was disappointing them ... but
you can't change what you like, right? That's the way I looked at it. I ... I
didn't ... I didn't want to lie to myself."
"That's a good way to look at things, Demyx. Be true to yourself above all
else. What about this Setzer fellow? He was the one you were in your first
relationship with? Tell me about that?"
"Setzer ... God, Setzer was ... He was somethin' else, all right. He didn't
really want it to get out that we were together. He was really popular with the
girls, I guess. He was big on the Struggle tournaments at school. Always the
champion. But I definitely liked the thought of having him a lot more than
actually being with him." Demyx brought his arms up, resting his wrists against
the back of his head, arching his back with a crack. "He was a dick." A pout
crossed the blonde's face as he looked up at the gray-haired man behind the
desk. "I'm not that great when it comes to relationships. But at least I was
smart enough to dump him when he wanted to take advantage of me after he won
one of his tournaments."
"You seem like you were a very smart boy. I'm sure you still are. But I'm
really sorry, our time for this session is up, if you want to take a break
here. We can start off again tomorrow, if you would like."
"It's ... so weird ..." Demyx got unsteadily to his feet, a little light-headed
from trying to call up so much about his past and having sat in that hard chair
for a lot longer then he would have pleased. He didn't make any sudden
movements, knowing that those warranted punishment - or at least they used to.
"Talking about ... about what it was like to be me. It's ... not that
important, is it? I'm not that importa-ah, oh god." Bringing his hands up,
Demyx rubbed at the right side of his face as the cold key was pressed higher
up on his left arm than it had been the day prior. "I watched it coming and it
still made my stomach flip over a hundred times to feel something touch me. I'm
sorry."
"You've got no reason to apologize, Demyx. You are important and I'm always
here to listen to you."
"Even though you're kicking me out of your office," Demyx joked, sending a
smirk back at the doctor to prove it. The man played along but Demyx knew his
words were true.
"I only did it because I don't think you're quite ready enough to tell me about
any more of your relationships. Tell the nurses that you get two days of
freedom, alright?"
The blonde pursed his lips in thought. "That means no session tomorrow though,
doesn't it? Even though you just said ..."
"I'm sorry Demyx. But-" The man moved his left hand out in front of the blonde,
exposing the wedding-band there. "Forty years ago tomorrow I married my wife. I
don't think she'd be very pleased if I didn't spend the day with her. Just
think, two whole days without the cuffs."
"I suppose you're right. Tell her that I'm happy that things worked out for you
guys." Demyx glanced down at his own hand, seeing the indent his own ring had
made after all those years. He beamed, hiding his sorrow. "I'm really happy.
But I'll only not be mad if you bring me in some anniversary cake, okay?"
"Deal. Alright, now, you be good tomorrow, or you won't be getting any cake."
"I'll be good."
The metal clicked and Demyx separated his hands, watching them move in
different arcs, heading back over to his bed, glad that Sora was asleep in his
own. He didn't know the younger had been sedated after screaming for the past
ten minutes.
xXx
To Be Continued
xXx
***** Axel *****
"You should ... come sit with me." Sora's voice was a rasping croak from across
the room, Demyx leaning against the wall beside the radio that he'd requested.
The brunette could hardly be heard over the music but Demyx managed, snapping
his aqua eyes up, smiling at the boy. He did what was suggested, moving over to
the end of the younger's bed, a smile on his lips as he moved his hips to the
beat of the song playing on the station he had found.
"Why? And what's up with that voice? You okay?"
The brunette shook his head, looking up at the blonde with tired, cerulean
eyes. "I ... I miss Riku. And I want you to ... to come closer ... so I don't
... don't have to miss him." Demyx's chest tightened and he moved around to sit
by the younger's legs, placing a nervous hand down on the bed. Cringing at the
touch, Demyx forced his hand to stay there. He was the one in control. He had
nothing to fear.
The elder just guessed that Riku had been killed in the robbery and Sora had
somehow managed to kill the killer. He didn't want to push the subject though.
He didn't want Sora having another emotional breakdown. "It'll be okay. I'm
here for you. Whatever you need, I'm here."
"I need to be free... What are the chances that ... you could put in a good
word with the ... doc for me?" Demyx pursed his lips, drawing his features up
into a thinking face. He still didn't trust Sora in the slightest. The last
thing he wanted was to be defenceless in a room with someone he didn't trust.
He trusted the doctor and the doctor trusted him, but even the old man sounded
like he didn't trust Sora. He knew he wasn't getting the whole story from the
brunette. Did he really want a complete stranger that was known to be dangerous
loose in a room with him? But did he have the nerve to tell him no?
"I'll ... see what I can do." Demyx couldn't sit there anymore. He had to move.
A sinister air slithered at him from the brunette's direction. His breath
caught in his throat as he moved farther away, as far as he could manage,
sitting down beside the radio and turning it up, pretending that he couldn't
hear the boy calling to him.
xXx
"Can you tell me something, doc?" Demyx worked a piece of chocolate anniversary
cake onto his fork, being as careful as he could in getting it up to his mouth.
The older man sat there with his smile and fingers laced on the desk.
"What is it you want to know?"
"Well ... Sora ... Sora said he wanted to ... not be tied there anymore. He
said ... he wanted me to ask you if you ... would be able to let him go. But
... But I dunno. I trust you now somehow. I think you'd know what's best, but
... there's something ... there's just something not quite right ... in his
mind, right? I mean .. I dunno ..." Demyx set down his fork, manoeuvring his
hands to take up the glass of milk in front of him. It was the first time he'd
had non-processed food in months. At first he had been reluctant, saying he'd
only been joking during the last session, but the doctor had persisted and he
gorged himself. "Tell me, do you, in your professional opinion, think it's okay
for him to be released?"
The older man lost his grin, a serious look taking over. Demyx brought the fork
to his mouth again, needing the sweetness to get over the weight of the
question he had just asked, his eyes focused on the plate in his hand. Was he
just being paranoid? Was he wrongfully accusing the brunette? Was he sleeping
in the same room as someone that had completely lost his mind? Was he even
safe? "You don't trust him?" Demyx shook his head.
"He seems like a nice guy, but I dunno, it's just that ... he's ... too good.
He's too friendly. Like ... I dunno how to explain it. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid, Demyx. It shows me that you can still judge people. Sora is a
very dangerous man. Most of the people here are. There are a few exceptions,
like yourself, but the majority would never be allowed to be freed."
Demyx gripped his utensil tighter, shocked fear coursing through him. He'd been
right? "What'd he do that makes him so bad? I thought that he just killed
someone. He didn't do it as bad as me, did he? I ... I hardly knew who Axel was
in the end. I didn't - ..." Demyx didn't want to talk about Axel. He was there
to talk about Sora.
"I can't discuss other patients with you, Demyx. I'm sorry."
"But I kinda ... have a right to know, don't I? I mean ... I'm sorry, I
shouldn't press it. I was just thinkin' that it would be safer for me to know
who I was really rooming with, right? At least just tell me if he knifed
someone in their sleep or something, okay? Or ... I dunno... Never mind. I
shouldn't ... I can't ask you to tell me. That's horrible of me. I'm sorry."
Concern lined the elder man's face and he pursed his lips in thought, wiggling
them back and forth, burning a hole in his desk with his fiery gaze as he
pondered what to say next. "I will tell you a little bit more. And after I do,
it will be entirely up to you whether you think he should be let loose, okay?"
Demyx nodded. "Unlike you, Sora wasn't originally classified 'mentally
unstable'. The courts just thought he was righting wrongs and sentenced him to
a few years of prison. But when he was there, since the attack was still fresh
in his mind, he didn't trust anyone. He attacked more than one of his cell-
mates. When he was alone, he would scream out for Riku. He was a real handful.
Of course he's gotten a lot better since coming here, but sitting with him here
in therapy, I would never let him have the freedom you do. I've seen him when
he's gained control of something. He's a smart boy, Demyx. He's a very smart
boy."
The blonde couldn't eat any more. He felt sick to his stomach. When was someone
going to tell him that the one that shared his room could hurt him if they ever
came in contact? "Then ... I'm not ready for him to be ... I don't want him
loose. But ... why ... Why's he in the same room as me? There's a few beds, so
it ... it holds more than the two of us, doesn't it? I'm in the sick-patient
room, aren't I? Well, injured, I guess. Since my back, right? Since I've still
got the bandages on my back, I'm in a special room? What about Sora?"
The old man leaned down, rubbing at his temples. "Sora ... oh Sora. He's never
really been in one of the cells here. Any reference he makes is to the ones at
the prison. He came here with three shattered ribs. Poor boy. Though the
officers tell me it's his own fault. He started a fight with someone three
times his size."
"He ... He misses Riku. He misses Riku and just wants ... wants to be with him
again. He wants to be happy." Demyx placed his hands in his lap, sadness
overwhelming him. He knew what it felt like to lose someone he loved - even if
he was the one that caused the loved one to be lost. "I ... I want to go home.
I want to ... I want to see Axel again... I miss Cloud. I haven't ... I haven't
seen Cloud in ... in years. I want to be happy too."
"You'll be happy again someday."
"I ... I'm happy here, but I'm not ...happy happy. I'm scared here. I'm scared
anywhere, but I'm scared here. This room ... it's the only place I kinda feel
safe ... because you're here to save me, aren't you? God sent you down to wash
away my sins, right? But ... Zexion's right. God abandoned me. He abandoned me
a long, long time ago. Didn't he, doc?"
The old man watched the blonde place his elbows on his knees, covering his eyes
with his shackled hands. "Sora can't be let loose yet, but I wanna go back to
bed. I'm tired. I don't wanna talk today. Lock me up. I'm being uncooperative.
I don't mean to, I just ... I can't. Tomorrow I will, but ... today ... today I
just can't. Thank you ... for the cake. It was delicious. It felt ... really
good to ... have real food again."
"You've behaved today. Ours can't just be a take-take relationship. You
shouldn't have to be the one that tells me everything. We can't be friends
unless it's a two way street." Aquamarine orbs peeked at the man through
spindly fingers. "You've still behaved, you've still earned your freedom. Do
you want it today?"
It took the blonde a moment to think about it, but he nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I
don't like being locked up. Being locked up means I have nowhere else to look
but at Sora. At least when I'm free I can hide a bit."
"That's what you do when you go over and listen to the radio?" The older man
stood up when Demyx nodded once more. He held out the key and Demyx chanced a
smile. Maybe he really could have some sort of relationship with someone. He
trusted this man more than he had ever trusted anyone before. Maybe they could
be friends after all.
Or not. Demyx gasped, crying out slightly when he felt the cold metal press up
against his neck. Panic was evident in his eyes as fear rocked through him,
chasing after the memories of Axel's hands on his throat, squeezing the life
out of him. "Demyx, do you trust me?"
"Y-Ye- ... Yeah... B-But .. Axel ..."
"Did he strangle you?"
"Y-Yes."
The key didn't move. "I'm not Axel. My hand isn't touching you. It's not going
to touch you. It's only the key. The key to your freedom. It's not going to
hurt you. No one is going to hurt you, Demyx. Do you trust me?"
The blonde clenched his fists, fighting back the panic attack that wanted to
rip through him. His breathing came in harsh gasps, but he had to control it.
He was hurting the one man he trusted. "I do. I do trust you! But it's hard."
"I know, Demyx. I know." The key slid down his neck to rest on his shoulder.
Tears were in those aquamarine orbs as he felt the fear being swallowed up by
despair. All he wanted to do was crouch down into a ball and hide away, his
hands up over his head in some weak defence that meant all. But he didn't,
couldn't, wouldn't.
"I'm not weak! I can take it! I've gone through a lot more than a key on my
neck. I've had my neck nearly broken. I think I can handle a key."
"Tomorrow, perhaps. It's still too early right now."
Demyx didn't argue farther, hanging his head as he walked back to his room.
xXx
"You feel up to it? Are you sure?"
"I don't care if I'm up to it or not. I have to tell you about Axel." Demyx ran
his fingers through his hair, attempting to emotionally prepare himself. "I met
Axel in high school. He was awesome and a charmer and seemed to like me. By
this point, my parents hated me and my brother was gone. But Axel was ...
amazing. Everyone in school knew who he was. That meant that when we started to
get to know each other, everyone ended up knowing who I was. Or at least a bit
about who I was. I heard 'Hey, it's that kid that's with Axel all the time now'
so many times I just wanted to tell them all my name. But I didn't. It didn't
matter. Axel was amazing. And I loved him. I really did. And he loved me too.
At least in the beginning.
"We went to prom, headed off to college, had life all planned out. But ...
after a while ... I realized that I hadn't seen any of my friends for a really
long time. Then one day he came home really pissed and he just ... he just ...
he grabbed me and shoved me back against the counter. I didn't know what was
going on. He shoved me into it and slammed my wrists back and crashed my head
up against the wall. It was the first time he'd ever hurt me. He was screaming
... screaming so loud ... so mad. Apparently I'd left my shoes right in the
doorway when I came in last. And he brought one hand up to hold my shoulder
while the other punched my cheek. My head spun and I thought it was gonna snap
right off. I thought I was gonna fall down or pass out or something since it
hurt so bad but ... but he was ... was holding me up. It was .. so scary. I
tried to hold him off, but he just threw me to the ground. I couldn't help but
cry. I was horrified. He just ... he threw me like I was nothing. He didn't
even think twice."
Demyx shook his head, his eyes bulging, remembering the shock of the moment.
His hands washed up over his face, resting on his cheek for a second, feeling
the pain of the impact. "Axel ... stood over me ... He kinda ... Kinda looked
sad, but he was ... he was still really mad. I'm sure that me crying on the
floor just made him madder. But then he just kinda stopped, his face went blank
like someone slapped him and he just kinda stood there for a minute. Then he
put his hand out and ... and offered to help me up.
"I was scared he was gonna hurt me again if I didn't ... so I took it. He
pulled me up and all I can remember was him holding me still while I cried. I
cried so much. And I was bleeding all over the place. Talk about hurt. But he
hugged me and whispered that he was sorry and rubbed my head, and just kept
apologizing. He said something about work, that it had been a 'shitty-ass' day.
But what he told me didn't sound that bad. Not enough to beat up the one you're
supposed to love forever. We'd already been married about a year by then. But
he held me until I stopped crying, then he backed up, maybe so he could look at
how bad he hurt me, maybe feel a bit bad about it. But I couldn't look at him.
He tried kissing me, but I was still so scared! I didn't want him to hurt me
again. But then I realized he probably would if I didn't do anything ... so I
did what I had to do."
Demyx's breath was coming in long, deep spasms as he tried to calm himself
down. His hands were up through his hair and he was shaking slightly.
"And that was the first time he had ever hurt you before?" The blonde jumped,
forgetting the doctor was sitting across from him.
"Well, we would wrestle some times, but it never got serious. Like, he never
actually hit me to hurt me. He would pin me down, but it was all in fun and
games. I would get him down sometimes too. We never hurt each other. We loved
each other. Why would you hurt someone you love?"
"But you said that you don't think Axel loved you, correct? After that first
attack, do you think he still loved you?"
Demyx thought about his answer long and hard, biting at his bottom lip in
concentration. "I think so, yeah. It wasn't until about two years after that
first attack that things really changed. But the second time he hurt me ... it
came outta the blue again. Just like the first one. The only warning I had was
the door slamming shut. It was three months later; I was standing in the
kitchen, doing the dishes. There was no where I could go. I couldn't move quick
enough. Before I put two and two together, he was already on me, punching me
hard in the back. I held onto the counter when he grabbed my shoulders, shoving
me down. I tried to move, to escape, but I knew I couldn't. Axel had always
been stronger than me. But then he just froze, just like the last time. He
stopped since he musta seen something shiny on the window sill. I took my ring
off to do the dishes. I always did and he knew that, so he knew it wasn't
anything bad that it was off. But it stopped him. He looked down at his own
hand - I could feel his hair on the back of my neck and he moved his hand down
to see his own ring. Then he just pressed his forehead into my back and started
apologizing again.
"After a while ... he stopped apologizing. He would ... still stop whenever he
saw the ring, but he stopped apologizing after ... the tenth time, maybe? Then
he just ... kept hurting me and hurting me ... he didn't give two shits about
me. I guess ... I guess I see that now ... but I ... I still loved him. I ... I
loved him through it all. Until ... until ... I came home ... the first time
I'd been allowed out in ... in years and I come home to ... to find that ...
that whore in my bed. He was ... Axel had someone else in my bed! I was .. I
was so .. so pissed. I normally ... never dared to get mad at Axel. But I was
... I was really mad. Really, really mad. He had a gun ... he had a gun out by
the front door, in case someone tried to break in ... I got it ... I got it and
... and .. and I shot that whore ... Axel was off him and so I shot him. I was
so mad. ... and then ... then I killed Axel ..."
The finality of those words hit Demyx like a physical blow, knocking the breath
right out of his lungs. He couldn't see anything but the mutilated redhead, his
eyes closed to the office around him. He knew the doctor must surely think him
to be insane after his rendition and now his reaction, but he couldn't help it.
He had killed Axel. That was that. He had killed the man he loved. When he
seemed to get himself under control, still vibrating from the adrenaline
pumping through him, he chanced a peek at the elder man. He was sitting there
unchanged. There was an understanding look in his old eyes, but he didn't seem
disgusted or concerned. There was understanding. Someone who understood! Demyx
could have jumped for joy, but sudden moves still frightened him, afraid he
would be punished.
"In the police report, they said that Axel was cut up and tied to a chair. Can
you explain that to me please?" Demyx winced at the tone the elder man used.
There was a small hint of confusion mixed with a mild dose of skeptism.
"I told you, I was mad. But I can't ... I can't talk anymore, doc. I ... my
head hurts. I'm scared. I wanna go back to bed. I ... I don't even wanna be
loose right now. I just ... please, take me back. I need .. I need to stop
talking."
And so he did. Not another word was said by the blonde on his trek back to his
room. He laid down without a peep, placing his wrists where they would be
tethered. But the doctor didn't have the heart to punish a patient that had
told him so much - too much - he only latched the shackle around the boy's left
wrist. Demyx sent a curious look in his direction, but he didn't say anything.
He just gave the man a half-hearted smile, closing his eyes before he could
judge where his roommate was, proving to the doctor just how much his story had
taken out of him.
But at least someone knew. It was too late, but someone knew.
xXx
To Be Continued
xXx
***** Despiration *****
"Demyx, wake up! Please, wake up!" Sora fought against his handcuffs, thrashing
in an attempt to save the blonde. Demyx whined in his sleep, his dead husband's
name escaping through his lips, unconsciousness still looming over him. He
thrashed, metal clanging as he tried to move his shackled hand. Demyx shot his
sightless eyes open, a scream building in his throat until it was rocking
through the room, making Sora's ears hurt with the sheer volume of it. Focusing
all of his attempts on freeing his arm, Demyx worked himself right out of the
bed.
"Let go, let go, let go!"
Tears ran down Sora's cheeks in fear. Demyx looked possessed as he grabbed the
twisted wrist connected to the metal bedside, placing a foot beside his
whitening hand. "Demyx, wake up! You're going to break something! Don't pull!
You'll scream again! Don't make me call the doc! I don't want you screaming
again!" Sora tried in vain to wake the blonde from his nightmare.
"Let me go, Axel!" Demyx pushed off the bed, pulling as hard as he could, still
under the shroud of 'sleep'. Sora heard the crack and crunch only a second
before a blood-chilling scream reverberated around the room. Having no other
choice, Sora pressed the emergency call button. The harder Demyx pulled, the
louder he screamed, pain exploding through his shoulder and wrist.
Two nurses and the doctor rushed into the room, eyes growing wide at the sheer,
overwhelming sound of Demyx's scream. One of the new-comers moved to comfort
the sobbing brunette, while the doctor and second nurse crossed over to steady
the blonde.
"Demyx, wake up. It's okay. No one's hurting you! Don't just stand there!
Unlock him!" The doctor threw thoughts of being gentle with Demyx out of his
mind as he pressed their bodies together, forcing the blonde closer to the bed,
trying to keep him from getting hurt any worse while the nurse released him.
"Demyx, it's time for you to wake up. Get up. Axel's gone. Wake up," the doctor
hissed into Demyx's ear, embracing and falling back with him when Demyx gave
one final push against the bed frame. The screaming dulled to loud groaning,
softening to moans when the duo toppled to the floor. There wasn't a sound for
a long moment before a pained moan escaped from Demyx's throat as his eyes
drifted open.
"Wh-What happened...?" It took a second for Demyx's eyes to focus on the kind,
old face he found himself looking up at. His head had been shifted into the
elder's lap after they had fallen so he wouldn't accidentally crack it on the
hard floor if he had started to thrash again. Pain covered his left arm and his
throat felt like someone had taken sandpaper to it. He couldn't recall what
he'd done to make it hurt so bad.
"You wanted to get away from Axel."
Demyx glanced down at his mangled wrist, aquamarine orbs shooting open in shock
when he saw the scrapes of bloodied, shredded skin that had been broken by the
handcuffs. Tears slipped down over his cheeks, eyes slipping shut to hide the
damage he'd done to himself, hoping it would stop the pain. "Wh-what? Axel's
... dead .. I killed him ... how'd he.."
"It was a dream. You must have been dreaming about getting away from him. You
wouldn't wake up until after you had already dislocated your shoulder and
nearly broke your wrist."
Demyx whined, tilting his head back in the elder's lap, not caring about the
fact that he was in physical contact with another person. His eyes opened in an
attempt to gain more knowledge, hoping that seeing the man would make it seem
less horrifying to have no memory of inflicting such pain.
"Did I ... Did I scream? It hurts ... I ... It hurts."
An old hand dusted the scattered spikes away from those glistening eyes and
Demyx moved into the touch, not having felt something so gentle for years.
"Yes, you screamed, but everything is better now. You're safe. Here, I'll give
you something to let you get some sleep. Just relax. It won't hurt nearly as
bad when you wake up." Demyx nodded, feeling the doctor shift behind him, the
hand staying on his forehead while the other took out a needle that would send
him back into sleep - dreamless, Axel-free sleep. Another snap of pain, this
time on his right arm and Demyx could feel the serum being injected, sending a
shiver through his body. Soon he would be okay. Soon everything would be fine.
The pain was slowly covering his mind in a dense fog - or was it the sedative,
Demyx couldn't tell anymore. He let his head loll over until his half-lidded
eyes could pick out the vague silhouette of the brunette whimpering in his own
bed. "So-.." he tried, his voice nothing more than a muted hush. Trying again,
he achieved a small whimper. The third time he forced the name out, Sora
answered.
"Demyx? You're okay?"
"So-ra .. I ... I'm ... sor-ry. I'm .. sorry. I .. I'm sorry I screamed ... I'm
.. I'm sorry ... I ... I..." The words died on the blonde's lips when
consciousness left him.
xXx
"I know I'm not ready. But I owe it to him. I screamed. I know ... I know I had
to remind him of Riku. I know I hurt him. I owe it to him to ask for him to be
released. He deserves it." Demyx looked down into his lap, his hands clasped
together in an attempt at keeping calm. Bandages wrapped around his left wrist
but that was the only indication he had any sort of mental breakdown the day
prior.
"Are you sure?"
"No. But it's still the right thing to do."
"Then I'll spend the night here, in case something happens."
Frightened eyes shot up to the doctor. "No! You can't! You're not skipping out
on your wife for me! I'll be fine. Things will be fine. Sora ... Sora won't
hurt me. Who knows, I might give him a reason for living again. We'll behave.
You've got to go home to your wife. Then I can tell you how fine it was
tomorrow, kay? Deal?"
The doctor seemed to think about it for a moment, the gears turning in his
head. Demyx held his breath as he waited for an answer. The blonde didn't know
what he wanted the answer to be. A small part of him still didn't trust his
brunette roommate, but he did owe it to him. "Wouldn't you cover for him if he
hurt you?" That answer threw the blonde off track.
Demyx bit his lip. He'd been taught for years to lie, to cover up the wrong-
doings of others - and the doctor knew that. It wasn't like he could just
change overnight. "But you would know if I lied to you. You know me so well,
you would be able to tell just by looking at me to know if something bad
happened!"
The older man sighed at the desperate smile on Demyx's face, shaking his head
at the request. "I think you've finally gone insane, Demyx. But, if you insist,
who am I to stop you? Just make sure you keep an eye on him. And know that I
will be watching over the tapes if I suspect foul play."
Demyx let out a sigh of relief, letting his shoulders loosen but wincing at the
twinge of pain he felt and another question hit him. "Yes sir, thank you. Thank
you so much. But, before we wrap it up for today do you think ... can you tell
me why I freaked out yesterday?"
It took a second for the doctor to get back onto the blonde's page, but a grim
looked crossed his features when he did. Demyx felt his heart rush at the look,
wondering if maybe there was something wrong with him, maybe he did deserve to
be locked up in the nuthouse he was in.
"Axel scared you, didn't he, Demyx?"
Not expecting the return of a question, Demyx tilted his head in confusion. He
thought about it for a second, trying to word the answer in his head before
saying it aloud. "I .. Yeah, he did ... But ... But he was a good guy. Just ...
I wasn't scared of him. I was scared of what he would do to me. You think ...
You think it was because I was scared of him? I lived like that for a real long
time, doc. When I was with him, nothing like that ever happened. I never
freaked out like that."
"Do you remember how you felt yesterday when you were telling me? You may not
have reacted that way while he was alive because you never actually had to
relive it. Things sounded like they would work out fine after he hurt you. I
could see the panic in your face yesterday. The fact that you had to relive all
the horrors he put you through and how you broke down the barriers that had
kept those memories locked up; it all added up to give you the breakdown you
experienced." Demyx opened his mouth to say something, but the doctor wasn't
finished. "And the reason why you don't remember what happened was because of
the part of your brain a man named Sigmund Freud – have you ever heard of him?
Brilliant man - called the Superego. It is the censor that wipes out all the
worst parts of our dreams. I can't begin to imagine the horrors that you have
gone through to give you such a horrible experience in reliving them. But how
do you feel now, now that you've told someone, now that you've unblocked those
dams?"
Demyx just felt confused. It took a while for all of that information to seep
into his brain and to get over the fact that the doctor had answered his
question without him even needing to ask it. So, there was a part of his brain
... that blocked out the worst of the worst things? And it broke the day before
to give him those horrible nightmares? But had repaired itself so he didn't
remember what happened in those nightmares? The whole thing made Demyx's head
spin.
Concentrating on the doctor's question, Demyx searched his mind, burning holes
into his hands with such an intense stare. "I ... I do .. I do feel a bit
better, yeah. But ... at the same time ... I'm still scared. Will I always be
scared?"
The doctor took on one of his kind smiles. "You might be. But you might not be.
It's all a giant mind-game, Demyx. You have every right to be scared forever.
No one will blame you if you are. Only you can change how you feel. I don't
scare you, do I?"
The answer was instantaneous and Demyx blushed when the words left his lips.
"No, of course not! You're old! You can't ... hurt .. me ... I'm so sorry! I
didn't mean it like that! It's just that-"
"It's okay," the doctor cut him off with a laugh, the humor finally reaching
his eyes. "It's true. I'm no spring chicken. But because I'm old, I won't hurt
you?"
Demyx shook his head, cheeks flushed red. "Not won't. Can't. I could move
faster and when you get old, you get weaker. So ... It wouldn't be like someone
younger, like Axel or .. or Zexion. They could hurt me because I wasn't fast
enough. I'm ... I'm weak."
"You're not weak." the doctor pointed to his right arm, just above the elbow.
"I've got quite the nasty bruise that you gave me yesterday." The blonde's eyes
opened wide at the words.
"Wh-What? I-I hurt you? How? I'm ... I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!"
Desperation lined the blonde's voice, but the elder man kept his smile as he
rolled up his sleeve to show the patient the battle-wound. Horror wiped over
Demyx's features when he saw the baseball sized bruise.
"You didn't do it on purpose. You were still unconscious, but you tried to get
me off of you and you elbowed me. I can tell you right now, you're not weak,
Demyx."
Demyx hid his face in his hands, shame flooding him. "I didn't ... I'm so
sorry!"
"It's alright. But, back onto the topic at hand. Am I the only one that doesn't
scare you?"
Demyx didn't remove his hands from his face as he thought, finally looking up
when he had his answer. "Your wife doesn't scare me, even though I never met
her. She has to be nice, since she's your wife. She makes really good cake. But
... that's about it. I ... I only .. I feel like you're the only one I can
trust. I shouldn't trust you, since I started off hating you because you left
me. But you're the only one I can turn to. I used to ... I used to be able to
turn to .. all of my friends. Marluxia, Roxas ... Cloud. But they're all gone
now. The last time I spoke to Cloud ... it was ... at my wedding. But he said
... said he was going off with his wife to Radiant Garden. Heh, even my own
brother ..."
"You have a hard time getting to trust people because everyone else in your
life has either left you or hurt you?"
"I ... I guess. You're the doc. You're supposed to tell me what's wrong with me
and how I can fix it."
"We're getting there, Demyx. Be patient with me. I'm an old man, not a miracle
worker. But let's call it a day. You're already well past the time your session
ends."
Demyx followed the elder's lead, standing from his chair and facing the door.
"Got Sora's key?"
"Got it."
"Can I show you that I'm not weak? Can you try it on my neck again? I won't
freak out this time." Demyx slammed his eyes shut in preparation for the cold
metal about to touch his skin, willing himself to show nothing when it brushed
against his neck. "What do I do if ... if I do spazz out like I did yesterday?
Can I do anything to stop it?"
The duo started down the halls and Demyx concentrated on the words the elder
was saying, committing them to memory so that he would never have to go through
something like that again. "Stop it? I don't know if there is any way to stop
it once you've already passed a certain point. But just make sure you keep your
breathing steady and get your mind away from whatever the thoughts are that
trigger it. If you're thinking about Axel and start to feel panicked, stop
thinking about him; think about anything other than what is making you feel
that way. You'll notice your breathing starts to quicken, you curl in tighter
on yourself and if you're speaking, it takes you a while to get your words out
and when they do come, there is a lot of repetition and broken, fragmented
sentences. You look like you're about to explode when you've reached your
breaking point. Your eyes close tightly, trying to block out the world. Does
any of this sound familiar to you?" Demyx shivered, nodding.
"Yeah. Too familiar. That's exactly what happened when I was talking about him.
But ... I can hardly stand it when someone touches me, right? That's because of
Zexion? So .. what do I do if someone touches me and I start to freak out? What
do I do then? The same things?"
"Basically, yes." They had reached the door to Demyx's shared room. He knew the
brunette lay waiting inside. "Make sure you remove yourself from the trigger as
quickly as you can. If you're uncomfortable in a situation, remove yourself
from it." The key was removed from his neck and
Demyx took in a large breath. "Ready?"
"Ready."
The two moved into the room, Demyx offering his hands to the elder man.
"Can't you do that outside? You don't gotta mock me, ya know?" Sora pouted in
his bed, staring at the too-white ceiling. Demyx laced a beaming grin onto his
features, taking the key that would release his roommate from the doctor.
"Actually Sora, we're not mocking you. 'Specially not today. Look." Demyx held
up the key for the brunette to see as he let his eyes fall onto the blonde.
"Why do you got that? Doc? What's goin' on?"
Moving towards the bed, Demyx made sure that the key stayed in plain sight. The
beaming smile turned to something softer, more genuine and apologetic. "Look,
Sora, I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to scream. I feel really bad
about it. And .. to make it up to you, I begged the doc to let ya go. So,
sorry." Demyx unlocked the brunette's handcuffs. The moment they were off, Sora
was up, springing off the bed in joy. He grabbed the older convict in a tight
hug, making Demyx tense, fear rocketing through him. He couldn't handle the
thoughts crashing over him as his breath was being squeezed from his lungs.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
Demyx couldn't reply, eyes bulging, heart racing. The panic was welling up
inside of him.
"Demyx, what did I just get finished telling you?"
The doctor's voice triggered the words that had only been spoken a moment ago.
"S-Sora ... Sora, please let go. Sora, let go of me! Please!" Demyx worked his
way out of the hug, falling back against the bed next to the brunette's. His
breath came in short gasps and he knew he had been on the verge of a breakdown.
From such a simple act, one that he had always loved when he was younger ... it
was all ruined thanks to Zexion. "I'm sorry, Sora. I don't like it when people
touch me. Or when people move really fast. You ... You scared me really bad."
Sora backed away at the words, sending a nervous glance over to the doctor
still watching from the door.
"I-I'm sorry. I'll try to not touch you or move too fast. I'm sorry!"
"Don't worry about it. I'm fine." Demyx turned back to look at the doctor. "I'm
fine. Tell your wife that I say hi when you see her tonight, kay?" The doctor
looked unconvinced for a moment more before nodding.
"I will. You boys behave tonight."
"We will," was echoed by the convicts, sending the man from the room.
"C'mon, Sora, let's go listen to some music, okay?"
xXx
"I'm fine, doc. Don't worry about me."
"It's not you I'm worried about. I still don't think I can trust Sora."
"He didn't do anything after that first hug. He's a scared little kid. He
watched his boyfriend get murdered. He told me that yesterday. He told me more
about it. I dunno if he's told you, but it's scary what he went through! And I
was right. He said that I sounded like Riku. That's how the whole conversation
started. I don't ... I feel so bad."
The doctor sighed, his hands on his desk. "It's not your fault. You have no
reason to feel bad."
"It's just in me to feel bad. Plus the fact that I've been taught that
everything's my fault. I even learned that. When I was still in high school. I
took this course and we covered this thing on abusive relationships. I knew I
was in one. But I loved Axel. I know I don't have to convince anyone but I just
want you to know that I did love him. But, yeah, in this class, we learned that
one of the things in an abusive relationship is that the one being abused is
always at fault. Well, thinks they are. I think that might be what kept me
going ... I knew it wasn't really my fault - that Axel just needed someone to
blame. But it doesn't stop me from always blaming myself, ya know?"
Demyx was surprised he was able to recall that small tidbit of information he
had thought he lost after all the brutal attacks. "I'm sorry, Demyx. I
shouldn't tell you how to feel. Just as long as you still know that it isn't
your fault. You can't control what other people feel."
"I know. Oh god, I know. If I coulda controlled how people felt, I definitely
would have made Zexion hate me."
xXx
To be Continued
xXx
***** Untouchable *****
"Demyx ... you're not asleep yet, are you?" The blonde opened one eye a crack
to peer into the near-darkness of the room around him. He could hear shuffling
across the floor that sent a shiver through his spine, nearly having forgotten
that Sora was still allowed to run free even though he had been able to for
nearly two weeks now.
"'m still awake. Why?" Not really the truth, but the blonde didn't think he
needed to explain that to the boy.
Demyx's body tensed when the voice come from somewhere closer to him. "I can't
sleep. I keep hearing him. I don't want to hear him anymore, Demyx. He just
keeps screaming and I can't sleep." There was nothing Demyx could say to
comfort the boy, his mind foggy from the beginnings of sleep. "I don't ... want
to hear him anymore." The sound came from right behind him and Demyx stiffened,
feeling his heart slamming into his chest. "I can't-"
"Ahh! Sora! No!" Demyx cried out when he felt the bed shift next to him, the
brunette crawling up next to him, snaking an arm around the elder man. "Ah!
Sora, let me go! Let me go! Please! Don't touch me!"
"Make him stop screaming." The haunted words froze the pumping blood in Demyx's
veins. His attempt to shake the brunette faltered even as the nightmares
flooded his mind.
"P-Please, do-don't put your arm around me. I'm scared. Sora, you're scaring
me. I can't make him stop screaming when I'm scared." Demyx felt himself
curling into a ball, but forced his breathing back to normal, remembering what
the doctor had told him. Just stay calm. The arm was slowly drawn away, but the
boy stayed next to him on the bed.
"C-Can I stay here tonight? I ... I don't want to hear him screaming." Some
part of the blonde knew that even if he could tell the brunette that he
couldn't stay, Sora wouldn't move. Sighing, Demyx moved farther away from the
younger boy to give him enough room on the small bed. Images of Axel laying
beside him in the hospital flashed through his mind, but he willed them away.
If he couldn't accept the horrifying events that Axel had caused he wouldn't
put up with the good ones either.
xXx
"You look troubled."
Demyx didn't raise his eyes to meet the elder's. "I'm so ... stupid."
"What makes you think that? I find you to be a rather intelligent boy."
"I don't .. I don't feel like talking about it today. I just .. I just wanna go
home. I wanna forget all this ever happened. I just wanna ... go curl up in my
own bed ... and I want to sleep. I want Axel to be there and I want him to ...
to ..." Demyx couldn't even force the words out as a lump grew in his throat.
He found tears leaking out from his eyes, dripping down his cheeks to land on
his clenched fingers. He didn't want to cry. Crying meant he was weak. Being
weak meant being easily taken advantage of. But for once they weren't tears of
fear or anger. They were honest, genuine tears of sadness. "I want things to go
back to how they were." His voice was less than a whisper but he didn't care if
the doctor heard him or not.
The doctor couldn't do anything to help the crying boy, having to sit by
helplessly as Demyx shook with the effort of holding back the tears. "It's
okay, Demyx. You don't have to hide anything from me. You're allowed to cry."
Demyx leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and covering his face
with his shackled hands. His fingertips moved up to pull at his blonde hair.
The harder he cried, the harder he pulled until he was nearly doubled over,
sobs wracking his body.
xXx
Demyx's face lit up at the sound of the new song starting on the CD the doctor
had made for him. A month had passed since Sora was first released and the two
were laying on the floor in front of the stereo, listening to songs from their
pasts that the doctor had burned onto a CD for them. "C'mon, c'mon, get up! I
wanna dance!" Sora looked up as the elder shot to his feet, giving him an odd
look.
"But it's a slow song. You can't dance to it."
"It's not that slow! Just, c'mon!" Demyx grabbed Sora's hands, pulling the
younger up to his feet. Closing his eyes, Demyx swayed to the beat, humming
under his breath, the smile never leaving his lips as he forced Sora to spin
circles with him. "Do dodo dodo dodo dodo dodo dodeedo do. Me and Axel ... we
danced to this ... this was our favourite song ... it's what ... we had our
first dance to. Dearly Beloved." The circles grew larger and more intricate as
Demyx spun, overwhelmed by the memories. He began to laugh to hide the tears
that were forming in his eyes.
He wasn't sad. He was happy. He'd waited so long to feel this happy, to hear
this song again, and now he was spinning with a boy that wanted to use him to
get rid of his own nightmares. But Demyx was happy. It wasn't Sora that was
holding his hands, following his lead.
It was Axel.
They were back on the dance floor and all eyes were on them. His parents
weren't there, but Cloud was looking on happily with his wife nestled in his
arms. A few of the friends he still held dear were whooping and hollering, as
ecstatic for the couple as Demyx was.
Then it ended and Demyx nearly expected the kiss that always followed the song,
but it didn't come. The circles he was spinning in slowed until finally he
collapsed, his eyes opening onto the harsh whiteness of the ceiling. But he was
still laughing. "Oh, Axel, I wish you coulda been here. It was on. Our song.
Dearly Beloved. It played. I haven't ... heard it in so long." Demyx lay with
his arms spread wide, the grin on his face even wider, his legs bent at the
knee. Blinded and numb by the pure joy he was feeling, Demyx didn't notice Sora
as the brunette slid down over his legs, leaning back against them as he sat at
the elder's waist, trapping him in with a foot planted firmly on either side of
his chest. The pressure on his abdomen was what alerted Demyx to the situation.
Panic flooded him when he found the grim-faced brunette staring down at him.
"S-Sora, wh-what do you ... think you're doing? Get off me! Get off!" Demyx
thrashed, crying out as thoughts of Zexion's defilement washed over him.
"Why do you get to be happy? I don't want you to be happy if I'm not happy. If
I'm not happy, you're never going to be allowed to get happy!" Sora ground out
the words, leaning forward and pinning Demyx's shoulders to the floor. A scream
ripped through the room. Demyx couldn't help it. It was Zexion back, attacking
him, about to defile him, about to break his sanity into a million tiny pieces.
It was the fear that allowed Demyx to work his hands up onto Sora's chest. It
was the fear that gave him the strength to push up, shoving the younger off of
himself. The fear pushed him enough to sit up. Sora toppled back when Demyx
gave him another shove. The moment that the weight was off of him, Demyx was
scuttling back until his back met the metal of the nearest bed, his knees
coming up to his chin as still the horror flashed through him. He curled
himself into the tightest ball he could manage, his screams having ended when
he had fought back. He could feel himself dipping into a panic attack, but he
wouldn't allow it.
Remembering the doctor's advice, Demyx closed his eyes, forcing his breaths to
come slower, taking in as much air as he could with one gulp until the edge to
the panic started to dwindle. His whole body was shaking, the happiness he had
felt seemingly a million miles away now. "Don't ever do that again, Sora. Don't
you dare." The blonde shot the younger a venomous glare, not even caring about
the tears that freely flowed down Sora's cheeks.
"You shouldn't get to be happy!" Sora shrieked, righting himself. "You
shouldn't get to be happy! You're more fucked up than I am! Why do you get to
be happy when I'm not?"
"Because I've learned that I've gotta let things go in order to get better! Do
you want to get better, Sora? Do you? Then you have to let things go."
"Then you should be able to let me touch you! If you're gonna preach that you
gotta let things go, you gotta let them go too!"
Demyx felt like he had just been slapped in the face. A cold chill ran over him
even though it was a comfortable temperature in the room. "I'm trying ..." The
words were a whisper through the blonde's lips. "I'm trying. I really, really
am. But you're not helping. In order to get over it, I gotta get used to it
slowly. You can't just ... you can't just sit on me and expect me to take it.
It would be like you physically reliving whatever happened to Riku over and
over. Not just in your head, but every feeling that happened with it. You ...
You have no idea what it's like. You have no idea." The anger lining his voice
surprised Demyx. He wasn't mad. He was just scared. He didn't want it to happen
ever again. Was that so wrong? Why couldn't Sora understand?
Sora forced himself up, showing the anger that was in Demyx's voice. "Well, you
have no idea either. You don't know what it's like to have to kill someone
because they were killing your best friend, your only friend, your boyfriend.
You don't know what it's like to hear your boyfriend screaming your name,
begging to live. You have no idea."
But he did. He knew exactly what it was like to have the person you love saying
your name, begging for their life to be spared. What pain Sora didn't know was
being the one that held the string to his lover's guillotine.
xXx
There was a soft knock on the door and Demyx stiffened, not used to the
disruption while he sat in the doctor's office. Something in him wanted to turn
to see who the intruder could be but another part of him knew it was none of
his business. "Come in, come in."
The door creaked open but Demyx concentrated on the smiling man in front of him
as much as it worried him to leave his back exposed. "I'm not interrupting
anything, am I?"
The voice made the blonde's blood run cold. He knew that voice. He hadn't heard
it in ages, but he knew that voice. His eyes slammed shut, willing away the
dream - as that was all it could be. "C-Cloud?" Demyx's breath stuck in his
throat while the doctor stood, moving around his desk, putting his hand out as
he went. Demyx followed with his eyes that had opened to watch the man. His
breath stayed in his throat until he took in the elder blonde standing in the
doorway. A moment of shocked joy splashed through the patient, quickly being
devoured by disbelief and embarrassment. "H-How'd you ... How'd you find me
here?" In a psych unit. In a prison. In a doctor's office in a psyche unit in a
prison for the criminally insane.
"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. I didn't know until I came back. I'm sorry."
Demyx didn't know what the elder was apologizing for but, following suit, the
younger brother stood, but stopped when he noticed the doctor inconspicuously
inserting himself between the two. Demyx knew that Cloud wouldn't be able to
tell that the doctor was worried but he could.
"It's alright." It was true. The statement was to both the careful doctor and
the apologetic brother. Demyx forced his gaze away from his brother, onto the
man that stood between them. "I'm not gonna hurt him, even if I wanted to. I
couldn't. My hands are useless right now and Cloud's always been stronger than
me. He could take me even if I was able to go at him. Not that I'd want to.
When have you known me to take the violent way out, huh doc?" The younger
blonde offered his hands, palms up in surrender. "I'm a good kid."
The words met a tense moment, the elder blonde looking between the brother he
hadn't seen in years and the doctor that separated them. "You don't think ...
My bro? Puny Demy? Man, I know I haven't seen him in ages and he was a crazy
kid, but you don't really think he'd hurt me, do ya, doc ... I mean sir." Cloud
sounded sceptical, moving past the doctor to put an arm around the younger
brother. The doctor moved forward, horror lining his features as a warning cry
spilled forth. Demyx stiffened at the contact, taking in a sharp breath and
bringing his arms closer to himself. "Dem?" Cloud looked down in confusion at
the younger boy.
"P-Please ... L-Let me go. L-Let me go." There was a frantic pitch to Demyx's
words as he pulled from the elder's grasp. He stood facing Cloud, nearly
doubled over and shaking his head back and forth. "D-Don't ... Don't touch me
... unless ... Unless I touch you first. Please ... That's like ... one rule
... One rule I have now." Demyx took in a few shaky breaths, his wrists
pressing hard against his knees to keep him on his feet. The shock of seeing
his long-lost brother was setting him up for a breakdown as his mind tried to
cope with so many obstacles at once.
"Demyx, breathe. Make sure you breathe. Remember what I told you."
"I-I .. I'm trying, god damn it! It's .. It's fuckin' hard! All I see is
Zexion! Fuckin' Zexion! Fuck that bastard!" Demyx felt himself slipping, but he
wouldn't allow it. He had to breathe. He had to take in as much air as he
could. He had to forget. Being normal meant forgetting. But it was so
difficult.
"Zexion? Dem, what'd I do? What'd I do wrong? I didn't mean to! Dem!"
"J-Just ... Just shut up for a second! Can't you see I'm not okay right now?
Can't you see it's something bad? Ask the doc later! I can't .. I can't tell
you ... I .. God ... I ..." Demyx felt like he was going to be sick as his head
swam with images and feelings, his feet feeling unstable beneath him. Was this
what the doc had called his 'Superego'? He dropped to his knees, laying his
forehead against the floor between his elbows, his arms outstretched. "No ...
No ... I .. I don't ... I don't want to remember! I don't want to remember
anymore!" Demyx dug his nails into the carpet, clawing at it in an attempt to
forget.
"What the hell happened to him? What'd I do? Doc, gimme some answers here!"
Cloud turned wild eyes on the doctor that was powerless to help his patient.
"What do you care?" The words were a low growl, something far quieter than the
screech that had just left the blonde's lips a second earlier. It was so quiet,
Cloud had to question if he'd heard anything at all. "What do you care? You ...
you shouldn't pretend, you know! You .. You left. You left me all alone! You
and Axel ... You were all I had left! And look where that made me end up! Look
how that played out! I'm ... I'm in a fuckin' mental hospital! Where were you
when I needed you? Where were you when ... when Axel ... You left me alone with
that monster! You could have saved me, Cloud! But your wife was more important
than me. She was more important, wasn't she? You didn't care about your faggot
little brother! You left me!" Tears refused to come to the younger's eyes even
though that was all he wanted. He wanted to feel something other than
desperation and anger. He couldn't stand feeling his sanity slipping away. He
could feel it physically leaving him, making his world topple over. It was like
all the blood was rushing from his head, his vision swimming, his body swaying.
"I ... Demyx ... I didn't know ... You .. You sounded so ... So happy when I
would call. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Oh, so it's my fault now? It's my fault that Axel beat me? Why does everyone
say it's my fault? It's not my god damn fault! It's not! It's not, it's not,
it's not! I ... I ... Oh God..." Demyx felt how raw his throat was from
screaming the words at his brother. He knew he would regret everything he said.
But that didn't mean he could take it back. What was said was said. It could
never be taken back. "I'm ... I'm crazy ... I'm ... Don't listen to me, Cloud
... Please, don't listen to me."
Cloud couldn't take it any longer. He couldn't take the pain that filled his
brother's voice. He had to find a way to comfort him, to make up for all the
times he wasn't there. He fell to his knees beside the younger blonde, putting
a hand on his shaking shoulder, removing it as quickly as it made contact,
reeling back at the blood chilling scream that erupted from the younger
brother.
The doctor rushed forward, snatching a needle from his desk as he went.
"What do you think you're doing, you idiot? Didn't he tell you not to touch
him? Obviously you've had no experience around a mentally disturbed person. If
you keep that up, Demyx will become a permanent resident here!" The doctor
roughly grabbed a hold of the thrashing arms, forcing them down to the
younger's sides, injecting the sedative as quickly as he could. The screams
started to fade until there was nothing but Demyx's shallow breathing. "Will
you do what is requested of you from now on? If not, I shall have to ask you to
leave my patient - for his own well-being."
xXx
To Be Continued
xXx
***** Attachment *****
Demyx groaned at the bright white all around him. The music was playing softly
in the background. He tried to move his hand to wipe the sleep out of his eyes,
but he found them both safely secured to the bed. Another groan and he laid his
head back up against his pillow.
"Hey! Guys, c'mere, he woke up! He-ey Demyx!" Sora's cheerful face appeared
beside him and he felt something cringe inside of him, not liking the fact that
the younger was loose around him while he was chained up in bed.
"Demyx?" The new voice made memories of the last time he was conscious enter
his mind. Laying on the floor of the office, screaming until his throat was
raw, being embraced by his brother...
"Cloud? Cloud, you're still ... here?" He could still feel the grating of his
voice in his raw throat, but it was worth it to be able to see his brother
again. Cloud moved into view on the opposite side of the bed as Sora, the
doctor joining him. The elder blonde started to reach out for his brother's
hand but stopped, remembering all the commotion such a simple act had caused
earlier. Demyx noticed the action and smiled a small smile, all he could manage
in his groggy state. "It's okay ... I'm not gonna ... I'm not gonna spazz out
anymore. I .. I should be good now." Cloud took a deep breath, letting it out
in a sigh of relief. He laced their fingers together, bringing his lips down to
give the hand a soft kiss.
"I'm sorry. Doc told me everything. I'm so sorry. If I had of known ..."
"There's no sense worrying about it now, is there? What's done is done. You
can't change it. All I can ask is for you to be more in my life now. Don't
leave me all alone anymore. Well ... I guess I always have the doc ... and Sora
... but ... you can come around and see me too, can't you?"
The elder's face grew more apologetic at the words. "A-Actually-"
"You're scared of me because I've completely lost it? Because I'm not the Demyx
you remember? Because of what certain people have done to me?" The smile was
still on Demyx's face. "It's okay. I wouldn't want to see me again either after
that."
"No, Demyx ... It's ... That's not why ... Dem ... I would come back if I
could. But ... I leave for Radiant Garden in a few hours. I was only home for a
week for Mom's birthday. But ... now I have a reason to come back, right? I
gotta ... I gotta be there for my bro."
A forced chuckle was all Demyx could muster. "Don't worry about it. I've done
fine without ya this long. Even if ya just wrote or something ... that would be
nice. But ... how'd you know ... how'd you know I was here?"
The grip on the younger's hand tightened. "Mom told me. She showed me the clip
from the newspaper. All I knew was that you killed someone and had come to this
place for it. If I had of known what that asshole was doing to you ... But
you're safe now, right?"
"I'm safe now. No Axel, no Zexion ... I'm peachy."
"Oh Dem, I'm sorry."
"Would you stop apologizing? It's fine. I'm fine. Promise."
Cloud stood, glancing at the watch on his wrist. "I've gotta get going, Dem.
Are you ... okay with a kiss on the forehead?" The younger blonde nodded,
letting his eyes slip closed when he felt his brother's lips on his forehead,
wishing the moment wouldn't ever stop. It'd been so long since he'd felt
someone genuinely care about him. "I'll come back to visit. I promise. And I
promise I'll stay longer next time."
A true laugh this time. "I'll believe it when I see it. Hurry up or you'll miss
your flight." Demyx kept the smile on his face until his brother said his final
goodbyes and left the hospital room. Then the younger blonde turned his eyes
onto the ceiling. "I'm never gonna see him again, am I, doc?"
"I'm not sure, Demyx. Sora, do you think you could give us a moment? I need to
talk to Demyx in private please." The blonde gave the elder man a questioning
look, but Sora nodded, keeping his happy-mask up until he sat on the bed
closest to the radio. "I'm worried about you for tonight, so I'll be keeping
you locked up. Are you okay with that?" Demyx smirked, sending his gaze back at
the ceiling.
"It's your call. I've gotta be okay with it."
The doctor ignored the smart reply, continuing straight onto his next question.
"What do you want me to do with Sora? It's completely up to you. Do you want me
to lock him up for the night or-"
"No. He hasn't done anything bad. He shouldn't have to pay for my mistake. Let
him stay loose."
The doctor nodded slowly after a moment, obviously not liking Demyx's decision,
but going along with the blonde. "I'll be in the office for another hour, so if
you need me, you just have to press that button, okay? And I'll tell them to
alert me at home if you need anything."
"Doc, man, really? No. Don't worry about a thing. I'll be fine. I trust Sora. I
know I'll be okay. You just go home and have a nice supper with your wife.
Maybe bring in some dessert for me tomorrow."
The older man shook his head. "Demyx ... You told me yourself that I would know
you're lying. Why are you lying to me now?"
"Just go, okay? It's fine. I'll be fine. You can watch the tapes tomorrow if
you don't trust me."
A sigh and the doctor was moving around to the end of the bed. "I trust you,
Demyx. Please don't let anything happen that would make me regret this."
"I'll be good."
Giving him one final look that said 'it's not you I'm worried about', the
doctor left the room. The moment the door had closed behind him, Sora was up
and bounding over to the blonde's bedside. "Jeez, it's about time they're all
gone! So, what happened to ya? Finally crack? Finally see that you're never
gonna get over it?" Frustrated with the lack of response from the blonde, Sora
jumped up on the bed, a knee on either side of Demyx's. "I heard all about your
story. I heard all about how you were raped by that bad, bad Zexion. I heard
about how you were beat around by your ex-hubby. Look at me!"
Demyx could feel the emergency button burning in his hand, begging to be used.
But he didn't feel the defilement. He was numb. Every ounce of strength had
already been spent in his previous breakdown. The only thing that registered in
his mind were those last three words. "Don't ... Don't say that." His hand
tightened around the button until he felt it ripped from his grasp, dangling
uselessly over the bedside. But he couldn't fight back. He couldn't feel a
thing. He had let the dam break so nothing could hurt him anymore. Just as he
could think about Axel without screaming, he could feel another person touching
him without thinking of the pain. He was numb, broken, fixed.
"Oh-ho, why not? Strike a nerve?" Demyx forced his eyes closed, hoping he could
block out the feeling of Sora brushing against him.
"It's .. I told Axel to look at me when I killed him. It ... makes me think of
him. I-" Demyx's words were cut off when he found Sora pressing their lips
together. Panic flooded the blonde but he couldn't move, even after Sora pulled
back, breathless.
"Shut up. I don't care what you've got to say. Let's just pretend you're Riku
right now. That's what I'm gonna do. You're Riku. You're not Demyx and you're
not fucked up. You're Riku." Sora pressed their lips together once more but
quickly gave up on that when he realized Demyx refused to participate in the
activity that was making his mind blur with thoughts of Zexion. But he had to
be strong. He had to make sure that the doctor wouldn't get mad at him. Facing
away from where he knew the camera to be, Demyx screwed his eyes shut, begging
for the treatment to be over. He wouldn't cry out. He wouldn't be weak anymore.
Maybe ... if he thought hard enough ... the feathery caresses could be those of
the one he loved instead of a defiler.
It was no longer Sora kissing up the side of his neck. He forced his mind to
think it was Axel. That was the only thing that kept the scream hidden deep
down inside when hands traveled up under his shirt.
xXx
"You let him take advantage of you? The moment I left? Demyx, I thought you
said you would be fine!" It was the angriest that Demyx had ever heard the
easy-going doctor. He couldn't look at the elder, shame still looming over him
from the night before.
"You saw it, didn't you? I ... I couldn't, even if I wanted to. He ... He took
the button away from me. And ... And I thought it would help me get over ...
get over what Zexion did to me..."
"And? What's your conclusion? Did it help you any? Do you feel any better,
knowing that yet another person has taken advantage of you?"
"Actually, yeah, it did help. He was gentle and ... and didn't go too far and
... and I thought of Axel ... so that I wouldn't ... get scared... It worked.
It really ... it really worked. .. I'm sorry I didn't ... I'm sorry you had to
find out about it like that." Demyx covered his face with his hands, cowering.
He knew he had disappointed the doctor, knew he had betrayed his trust. "But
Sora didn't take advantage of me. I took advantage of him. I used him, Doc. I'm
... I'm just as bad .. I'm as bad as Zexion."
The doctor let out a sigh, folding his hands on his desk. "Why don't we just
say that you both used each other to bring back the memories of people you've
lost? Does that make sense?"
Demyx thought about it for a second before looking up at the doctor. "What did
Sora tell you? I ... I want to know what was going through his head. Does he
know that I was just using him?"
"You know I can't talk about that, Demyx."
"Yes you can! It's about me! You should be able to talk to me about it if it's
about me!"
"I'm sorry Demyx."
The blonde sulked. He wanted nothing more than to cross his arms and sit there
with his lip out in a pout, but since his wrists were locked together, he
merely stood from his chair, unsettling the doctor but moving away from the old
man. He just couldn't sit still any longer. He'd had a long night with Sora
staying close by him until the nurses came in to fetch the brunette for his
session. Demyx wanted to know what Sora had thought of the whole thing,
wondered if it would happen again. Would he want it? He hadn't had any of the
nightmares he had expected, but now Zexion lingered just on the edge of his
consciousness.
"Zexion's in jail, right? I'll never see him again?"
"Right?" It was obvious that the doctor didn't know where the questions would
lead.
"Then ... with Sora, I can feel normal again. He needs Riku back. If he wants
to pretend I'm Riku, if it means he'll get better, I'll do all I can for him.
If I can make him better ... that would give me an excuse ... a reason to live.
I'd have a purpose. So doc, tell me, did he say he thought of me as Riku?"
"You're trying to trick an answer out of me, aren't you?"
"Well, would you prefer it if I asked Sora himself? What if I'm wrong? He might
try to hurt me if I say it the wrong way. You wouldn't want me getting hurt,
would you?" A mischievous smirk played over Demyx's lips when he knew he had
trapped the doctor.
"There's not a single thing wrong with your mind, is there, Demyx? You're a
very smart boy. Now if you get hurt by him, it's all my fault. I didn't take
you to be such a cunning boy. My mistake."
Demyx paced across the expanse of the small room, waiting for the answers he
longed for. Maybe he had done something stupid, but he didn't regret it. He
didn't know he wasn't going to regret it while it was happening. He'd just
gotten lucky. He didn't regret the small bruise at the base of his neck, the
lingering feeling of hands on his chest, heat enveloping his body. He shivered
just thinking about it. How long had it been since he'd felt good? Sora managed
to make him feel alive again, whether he was just a memory of Axel or not.
"I wanna keep doin' it." He refused to meet the older man's eye, afraid of what
he might think. He wasn't some filthy, dirty whore. He was human. But how he
had gone from shuddering away at even the slightest touch to longing to writhe
beneath a near stranger confused and scared him. "I know I shouldn't, but why
not? I've gotta get over what happened to me. If it feels right, do it. Right?
That's ... That's what Cloud told me when ... when I told him I was gay. It
feels right ... with Sora because ... because he's so small. He's small and
gentle and if I wanted to get rid of him, I could. Zexion did it to hurt me.
Axel did it to hurt me in the end. So I think of Sora as ... as an early Axel.
So ... tell me what he's thinking so I know if I'm gonna be safe doing that. Or
should I just tell him to leave me alone? Ugh, doc, this is getting complicated
in my mind." Demyx crouched down, throwing his arms over his head, wrapping
them around to shield him, pulling at his blonde spikes.
"Sora didn't say much to me today. All he said was that something happened
between the two of you last night and told me to watch the tape. He sounded
scared, like he had done something wrong. But he told me that he would have
stopped if you asked him to. Do you believe that?"
Demyx felt his stomach roll. "I ... I don't know ... Maybe. Probably. He ... he
stopped before." After I shoved him off me, Demyx finished in his mind, not
wanting to admit that anything else had happened between the two. He already
regretted the words that left his lips.
"Before?" Demyx didn't respond. "Demyx? What do you mean before? Do you mean
that something like this has already happened?" The blonde knew he would get no
peace until he had answered the man's questions.
"He didn't tell you? He jumped on me a while ago. When you gave me that CD. We
danced and then I was happy. He got mad at me for being happy so he did the one
thing he knew would make me not happy. He jumped on top of me and pinned me
down. I thought for sure he was gonna try to ... try to hurt me real bad. Like
Zexion. But I stopped him by screaming. He can't take screaming, you know. It's
the easiest way to get him off of ya. Since it reminds him of Riku. Right?"
The doctor looked troubled as Demyx peeked through his fingers. "I shouldn't
let him be loose."
"No! Have you not been listening to me? I'm fine with him doing whatever! I can
get away from him just fine if I need to! Don't lock him up because I'm weak,
because I'm broken!" Demyx shot to his feet, getting dizzy from the sudden
movement. He stumbled a little, but caught himself before he fell. "Don't
punish him. He's more broken than I am." Demyx faced the doctor's desk, backing
away slowly, shaking his head. He stiffened when his back met the door and he
slid down it, bringing his knees up, burying his face, taking steadying
breaths. He was scared.
"Demyx?"
"Maybe not. Maybe I'm more broken. Since Cloud's been here ... no ... ever
since I hurt myself that night ... I've been really ... messed up since then.
... Have I ... Am I really insane, doc? I'm ... I'm still here, so I've got to
be, right? I've lost my mind."
"You've made a lot of improvements here, Demyx. Do you remember the first day
you were here?"
He's got a gun! It's ... not loaded? He's already used all the bullets. Someone
get in there and grab him! Grab him! Demyx felt sick at the man's voice ringing
in his mind, seeing Axel slumped in his chair, a knife protruding from his
chest, bullet holes shattering his body. The blonde could still feel the recoil
of the small hand gun, hear the pin hitting nothing, the man tackling him to
the floor with his own gun pointed straight at him.
"How ... could I forget?"
"You haven't been like that for a long, long time. You've been through a lot.
You're allowed to be scared."
"No! No, I'm not! I'm not! If I'm scared, I'm weak! If I'm weak, I get hurt!
It's not okay for me to be scared!"
Nothing that the doctor could say would make Demyx calm down and he knew this,
sitting back down in his chair. He waited for the blonde to uncurl himself,
lowering his defences. Finally Demyx rubbed at his eyes, his breathing back to
normal, staring up at the elder man with bloodshot eyes. "I just want to go
home. I wanna go sleep in my own bed. I wanna be rocked to sleep. I want things
to go back to the way they were."
"You can have a happy life without going back to the way things were, you
know."
Demyx nodded slowly. "I know. It's just what I'm used to. I know that I'm the
one that's to blame for ... for changing everything but I just ... I just
couldn't take it anymore. You believe me, right? What would you have done in my
place, hunh? What would you have done?"
The doctor shook his head. "I'm not sure. You never know how you'll react in a
situation until you're placed in it. I doubt I would have been able to put up
with it for nearly as long as you. You're brave, Demyx."
Smirking, Demyx staggered to his feet, struggling without the help of his
hands. He didn't say any more but stared at the place that he knew the key to
be kept. He just wanted to go to bed and sleep for the rest of his life. The
two walked back to the room that Demyx shared with the brunette without another
word. Finally the doctor's hand was resting on the handle, hesitating to open
it, fearing for his patient. "Doc ... I wouldn't watch the tapes from now on if
I were you."
"I still don't think it's a good idea."
"I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."
Demyx held his hands out, waiting for the handcuffs to be released. The doctor
didn't follow him into his room like he normally would and Demyx felt his
stomach flip when he saw Sora sprawled over his own bed, drumming his fingers
on his exposed stomach, his shirt having shifted while Demyx had been gone. He
looked over at the sound of the door closing and his face flushed red. "Are you
in trouble?" Demyx flashed his free wrists in response, making the brunette's
face light up. A warning flashed through the blonde's mind and he felt himself
begin to put up defences. I thought you wanted this, his mind echoed the words
and he forced a small smile.
"I'm .. really tired though. I just ... want to go to sleep for a bit, okay? I
had ... a little breakdown today. I'm tired."
The smile only faltered a little, but flickered back into full force as Sora
moved from his bed, slowly stepping towards the blonde. "Then, I can help you
get to sleep! When I was going to bed, Riku would always lay there next to me.
It really helped. Just to know someone else was there, ya know?"
Demyx didn't know how he felt about the idea of Sora laying there next to him,
but he had a hard time resisting when the brunette stopped in front of him,
only a little ways away from his bed. Taking the elder's hands, Sora leaned
forward, leaving a small kiss on Demyx's jawbone. A small spark of fear ignited
inside the blonde, but he refused to let it win. He just nodded, allowing Sora
to lead him back. He moved into his bed, laying on his side. Sora got in behind
him, throwing the blankets over them both and wrapping his arms around the
taller man. Demyx closed his eyes and was shocked to realize how much it felt
like Axel nestling into the back of his neck, pulling him tight.
Maybe this could work after all.
Thoughts of Zexion slowly drifted from his mind.
xXx
"He's screaming again. Demyx, make it stop. Please?"
Demyx gave the younger a soft smile before gesturing for him to move closer.
It'd been a month since that first time when Demyx hadn't been able to protect
himself. But now he drew the brunette in willingly. He still pictured the
younger as his dead husband, still allowed himself to be caressed, doing some
of the caressing himself at times. When the brunette needed him, he was there.
Today he allowed himself to be pinned to the wall, Sora brushing needy kisses
along his neck, his knee moving between the elder's. Demyx moaned out at the
feel, clutching at Sora's back while trying to get every inch of them together,
melting them together so that it wouldn't be pain and fear he felt.
Sora ran his tongue over the soft skin at the base of Demyx's neck, running his
hands up under the elder's shirt. Demyx leaned closer, needing lips on his own.
Over the month he had become so needy, such a beggar as he felt Sora's tongue
slip into his mouth, running over the thin scar on his own. A shiver ran over
the elder's body when he was reminded of how he had gotten the scar. Flashes of
Zexion, of horror, defilement and then nothing but the explosions of pleasure
coursed through him. Their lips parted, each taking in gasping breaths until
Sora could get his wits about him. Biting down to show his ownership over the
blonde, beginning to make a mark on the elder's neck, Sora raked his nails over
Demyx's chest, making the blonde gasp and press them closer together.
Then Sora made a small trail of bites up the blonde's neck, making him cry out.
Axel was the only one that knew how much he enjoyed that. Only Axel had ever
made him feel so good. "A-Axel," he couldn't help but breathe. He had been
wafting between fantasy and reality but fantasy had won out. Sora stopped mid-
bite, backing away from the elder.
"Wh-What'd you just say?"
Demyx tried to catch his breath, confusion spilling across his features. He
hardly realized the name he had spoken. "Wha... What?"
"Why did you just say Axel?" Anger creased the younger boy's face and he backed
away from the blonde. "Why'd you say Axel?"
Demyx pressed himself against the wall, not trusting the look of rage
enveloping the younger. "I ... Sora .. why are you so mad? I .. I thought..."
"You were thinking of him, weren't you? All this time?! You're supposed to be
with me! Why were you thinking about Axel?"
"Y-You just think about R-Riku, don't you?" Shivering, Demyx tried to get away
from the advancing brunette, being trapped by an angered fist slamming into the
wall beside him.
"No! How could you think I was just using you? Is that all you were doing? Were
you letting me screw around with you ... so you could get something out of it?
How could you, Demyx? I trusted you! I trusted you!" Sora grabbed the elder's
shoulder, slamming him against the wall. "Were you just fucking with me all
this time?"
"S-Sora, if I hadda known ... I'm sorry. But .. It wasn't .. I didn't just
think of Axel, ya know! I ... You made me get over Zexion."
Sora's fist connected with his cheek, making a strangled cry of shocked fear
escape the elder convict. Not knowing what had started this onslaught, Demyx
tried to get away but found Sora toppling down on top of him, fists clenched,
preparing to attack the defenceless blonde again. "You used me! You used me
Demyx! How could you?"
"It's not like you have any feelings for me, right? Let's ... Ugh, Sora, just
get off me! Please! I'm not scared of you! Just get off me!"
"Get .. off .. me?" Sora's face went blank, but he kept his hands on Demyx's
shoulders, "Riku ... Riku, I .. I'm ... I'll help you. I have to ... Ahh!" Sora
leaned his head down onto Demyx's chest, screaming at the top of his lungs from
a danger that the blonde couldn't see.
"Sora? Sora, what's wrong? Sora?" Demyx tried to get out from under the
screaming boy, but Sora clung to him.
"Make the screaming stop! Make it stop! Make him stop screaming! Riku! Shut up,
shut up, shut up! Just shut up!"
"Sora, you're the one screaming! Stop, please, just let me go!"
"Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop!" Sora moaned, burrowing into Demyx's
neck. When he couldn't hear his own screams anymore, the brunette whimpered,
clutching tighter to the blonde. Having finally calmed down, he looked up with
watery cerulean orbs. "I can't do this anymore, Demyx. I can't live with him
screaming and screaming and screaming. And for messing with me, you're gonna
help me make the screaming stop. You're not allowed to be happy if I'm not
happy. You're not allowed to be alive if I'm not alive. I'm not gonna be alive
if I hafta listen to any more screaming." Sora's voice took on an innocent
pitch with a hint of hidden malice and pure insanity. His hands moved from the
blonde's shoulders to run against his neck.
Fear washed over the elder inmate and he tried to move his hands to fight off
his attacker, but Sora held them tight by his side with knees trapping him
down. "S-Sora, what are you talking about?"
"I'm gonna kill you, Demyx. That way, you don't have to use me to fuck Axel.
You don't have to use me and I don't have to hear Riku screaming anymore."
Demyx cried out when he felt those fingers dusting over his neck tighten,
strangling him. He wanted to scream, to cry, to be saved but he knew that there
was no one to save him. Axel was dead. The doctor had been told not to watch
the tapes as Demyx knew that the older man wouldn't want to see his patients
being so intimate. There was no one that would be able to stop the brunette
from strangling him right there on the floor. He had to fend for himself.
Gasping for air that he so desperately needed, Demyx found the strength
somewhere deep inside himself, spurred on by his overwhelming fear of being
killed, to free his hands and grab at Sora's, prying them off his throat. He
didn't bother trying to throw the brunette off as long as he could keep those
two hands under control.
"Sora," the blonde cried after he had caught his breath, surprised at how sore
his throat was even after such a short time. "What the hell was that all
about?"
Sora wrestled his hands free, shooting up and off the blonde. "No! No, no, no,
no, no! I don't want to hear it anymore! You're supposed to die with me!"
Insanity was scrawled over the brunette's face as he stumbled back, shaking,
his fists clenched by his side. "I want you to die with me!"
Demyx's eyes were wide with panic as he propped himself up against the wall he
had been pressed to only a few moments before. He had to get away from Sora,
but there was nowhere for him to run. If Sora wanted him dead, he would die.
"Sora, no! I don't want to die! I'm getting better! You can get better too!
It'll be okay!"
"You call this okay?" Sora spread his arms wide, his voice raising in volume
and pitch. Palms raised towards the heavens, the brunette glanced around with
paranoia evident on his features. "This is not okay, Demyx! We're holed up
inside a mental institute! We're insane! We've been shoved in here and
forgotten about! I dunno if you remember what the outside world is even like,
what okay is like, but it sure as hell isn't this!" Panting, Sora allowed his
arms to drop to his sides, his body shaking as his gaze fell to his feet.
"That's why I need to get out of here. This place ... it's just making me even
more insane. I just want to see Riku again. But ... How can I get out, Demyx?
How can I die? Will you do it for me? You've killed people. You've killed two
people. You can kill another one."
Demyx just shook his head, horrified by the change in his roommate. "N-No ... I
... I was really .. really mad ... when I killed them. I-I'm not mad right
now."
"Haven't you ever wanted to die, Demyx? You've had to have felt that way after
all you've been through, right? Right? What did you do? How are you still
here?"
A chill ran over the blonde, knowing that Sora knew exactly how he was still
here. Someone had caught him just in time, just before he could have bled to
death. Someone had saved him. There was no one to save Sora. Demyx ran his
tongue over his lips, trying to wet them now that they felt incredibly dry.
Tears were in his eyes and he tried to slip farther away. He could see a grin
slipping across Sora's face, nearly breaking it in two, a malicious glint
sparkling in his half-hidden eyes.
"Your tongue. That's how. That's how you almost got out of here. All I have to
do ... What do I have to do, Demyx? What did you do to get those scars? I've
felt them enough, but what did you do? Let me see it!"
Sora staggered forward, dropping to his knees in front of his roommate, inching
forward, preparing to pry the blonde's mouth open if he had to. Not enjoying
the thought of that outcome, Demyx allowed his bottom jaw to drop open,
exposing his tongue like he was at the doctor, his eyes wide and horrified. He
used his hands to push himself closer to the wall, trying to be as small as
possible. "Now, what did you do to it, Demyx? Why? What were you running from?
Why aren't you doing it now? How can you want to 'live' in this place?"
Not knowing which question to answer, Demyx just pulled his tongue back inside
his mouth, not daring to take his startled eyes off of the younger prisoner.
Sora flashed his hand out, grabbing Demyx's shoulder again, making him gasp and
try to squirm away, but Sora held him still. "What did you do to your tongue,
Demyx?" The words were poison to his ears, every letter making the blonde
cringe. His breath was coming in short, small gasps.
"B-Bit it."
"Why?"
"Z-Zex ... Zexion."
That malicious grin was back on Sora's lips as he pushed himself away from the
blonde, stepping back. He stuck out his tongue, laughing. It started off as a
few low chuckles before soon he was nearly gasping for air at the magnitude of
his laughter. Demyx hadn't caught the joke, but was glad to have the brunette
away from him. He didn't relax, watching with nervous eyes, Sora keeping his
own gaze fixed on the elder the entire time. Then the humour ran dry and Sora's
face went blank, his tongue slipping past his teeth, almost like he was trying
to find the sharpest point he could. "So all I have to do is bite down and then
I can be with Riku again? No more screaming? No more being lied to? No more
being deceived? Thank you, Demyx. If it wasn't for you ... I would still be
alive."
"No! Sora! No! No, no, no, no!" Demyx shrieked the words, but they fell on deaf
ears as Sora bit down on the pink muscle that was peeking out from between his
strong teeth. His cerulean orbs were shut against the world as crimson blood
started to bubble down his chin. He refused to scream, to show any signs of
pain at all. For all Demyx knew, the brunette was too far gone to feel pain.
"No! Sora! No! Please stop! No!" Unable to take it anymore, Demyx stumbled to
his feet, grabbing onto Sora's shoulder's trying his hardest to keep them
upright, but his momentum carried them crashing to the floor. The impact forced
Sora's tongue down harder until the teeth released their prisoner. In shock,
Demyx scurried backwards, only stopping when he found himself up against one of
the beds. "Sora!" Horror still flooding his system, Demyx hardly realized that
he was up next to his own bed. All he could hear was the strangled gurgles from
the brunette. He clamped his hands over his ears, but he couldn't block out the
sound. It was stuck inside his mind ... just like the screams had been for
Sora.
You've gotta call for help, Demyx. Look at where you are. All you have to do is
hit that little red button and then you can sit there and cry like a baby. Do
you want him to die? Do you want him to end up like me? Hmm? Do you?
Demyx's eyes shot open, his hands flying away from them, the tears halting for
a moment. He spun wildly. "Axel?" The words had sounded so close, as if his
departed husband were sitting right beside him. "I'm crazy." It had all been in
his head, but it forced him to realize there was still hope. They had saved
him, hadn't they? When he had tried to die? The tears were back as he scrambled
up to the side of his bed where the alert button lay innocently. He pressed it
once, twice, three times before finally just keeping his thumb pressed down on
it. He could still hear Sora behind him, choking, gurgling, dying and it
horrified him. But for as long as he heard those horrifying sounds, he knew
that Sora was still alive.
It was when those sounds faltered that Demyx had to worry. He couldn't look
back, he couldn't move. Nurses rushed in, making as much noise as they possibly
could but he refused to let go of the button. Chaos surrounded him until
finally the doctor sat on the edge of his bed, resting a hand on the frightened
blonde's shoulder. Demyx cringed at first until he looked up with wet eyes. The
moment he recognized who it was amid the turmoil around him of screaming orders
and a rushing gurney, Demyx dropped the emergency button and latched himself
onto the old man. He crawled up to bury his nose in the elder's neck, wrapping
his arms tight around him.
"It'll be okay, Demyx. You're okay."
You're safe.
Demyx only felt a little safer in the old man's arms.
xXx
To Be Continued
xXx
***** Home *****
Demyx refused to eat, to talk, to even move after Sora left his room. He
couldn't bring himself to do the things that Sora could no longer do himself.
Axel spoke to him all the while, being drowned out by the sound of choking and
gurgling more often than not. He knew he had lost it. He knew there was no
going back for him. He was a lost cause.
"Demyx, it's been a month. Will you talk to me today?" The old doctor had grown
far older in that long month of watching Demyx get thinner and thinner until
finally a feeding tube had to be inserted into his stomach. He hadn't played
with it or fussed, but he couldn't eat on his own. He knew that the old man
feared for the blonde's life. But really, did Demyx deserve to live? Sora would
still be alive if it hadn't been for him. "Fine, I'll talk to you. The nurses
tell me that you're losing even more weight. Why won't you eat anything? It's
not doing anyone any good." A frustrated sigh sounded from behind the blonde as
he lay on his side, determined to face away from the old man trying to help
him. He felt that usual hand on his shoulder, but he refused to comply to it,
refused to turn and face the doctor. "I could have my wife make you some pie if
you like." Demyx visibly flinched at the word 'pie', the scar on his back
flaring up in remembrance. Of all the things that had happened, he thought that
would have been the least likely to stick but apparently he was wrong. "It's
obvious you can hear me or you wouldn't have tried to pull away when I said
that. Why won't you talk to me?"
"I-I ..." Demyx faltered at the sound of his own voice, not having heard it in
a month. He had nearly forgotten how to speak. He wasn't sure why he was trying
now. "We ... can't be friends anymore." The words had been bouncing around his
cluttered mind for a while now, growing with intensity every time that the
doctor tried talking to him. But never before had he gathered the courage to
tell the elder man what he was thinking. He still refused to look at the only
one he had left, but at least he had said one of the many things that had been
on his mind.
"What do you mean?" There was confused relief lining the doctor's voice as he
removed his hand from the blonde's shoulder. He received his long-awaited
reply.
"No offence, doc, but you're old." The blonde's voice was small, quiet,
fearful. He didn't know if the old man could even hear him. But he continued
anyways, his words wavering as a lump formed in his throat. "I ... I can't lose
anyone else. You're old and old people die. If anyone else leaves ... I won't
be able to handle it."
"Demyx-"
"Don't bother!" Anger lined the younger's voice now and his fingers clenched
tight around the sheets that had been pulled up to his chin. He was curling in
on himself which he knew was a bad idea with the tube sticking out of his
stomach but he just couldn't take it. "I'm not gonna kill myself or nothin'
like that, but Sora really messed me up!"
"I watched the tape, Demyx. I've watched it more than once. I was his doctor. I
could see the warning signs. He didn't want to live anymore. If you think that
you're the reason he died, you'll never get over it."
A blush lined the blonde's cheeks when he realized that the old man had seen
how he had given in to the brunette. "What if I don't want to get over it?"
"You'll be happier if you do."
You don't deserve to be happy! Sora's words echoed in his mind and he wrapped
his arms around himself, trying to save himself despite the small ache in his
stomach. "I don't deserve to be happy."
"You're going to take the words of an insane man to heart?" Demyx didn't reply,
but felt that hand move back up to his shoulder. "Demyx, look at me." Axel,
look at me. Demyx forced his own words away, rolling onto his back. His eyes
slipped shut as his head turned towards the old man. "Demyx, please." They
opened slowly, moving to be on anything other than the one he was letting down.
"You're getting worse." A sudden wave of anger flowed through the blonde and he
rolled back onto his side, ignoring the throb in his stomach.
"I have a tube coming out of my stomach because I refuse to eat. Yeah, I can
kinda see I'm getting worse." The cooler air outside his defences rushed
against his back that had been exposed in the shifting. It made his scar burn -
or was that just his imagination? "Just leave me alone. You try watching one of
your only friends kill themselves because of a slip of the tongue. Just because
I said Axel instead of Sora. A slip of the tongue. That's how quick a life can
end. I'm not gonna risk it. I know I'm worse and I know that there's no way I'm
gonna get better."
"It's not your fault, Demyx. Trust me, it's not. I've already told you that
Sora wanted to die. You just happened to be with him."
Neither spoke for a long time, Demyx wondering if he even wanted to get better,
the doctor wondering if he had the right stuff to make the blonde see what
needed to happen. "Maybe .. Maybe all I need is time. It's ... I don't know how
long it's been, but ... but it doesn't feel like it's been long enough. I can't
... I ..." The machine beeped beside him - a loud, angry beep - and Demyx
winced. He knew what was coming next. He knew that he would soon be writhing
and wishing he hadn't been so stubborn. His face grew darker, his blush
deepening when he realized no one had watched him during his 'feeding' process
yet. He clamped his eyes shut so he wouldn't have to watch the juicy mush
travel down the tube, right into his stomach. He groaned in discomfort as the
first few dribbles made their way into his nearly-empty stomach. His breathing
started to come in sharp gasps. He felt sick, like he was going to force the
food out of his stomach before it all went in.
"Demyx, are you okay?"
The blonde shook, hating the feeling of his stomach filling without the food
first passing through his mouth. He knew he should have been used to the
treatment by now but some part of him believed it would never get better. It
was a treatment for someone that had no will to move on their own, someone in a
coma, someone who had no choice. Demyx had a choice. He still had enough of his
mind to know that this wasn't right, wasn't natural. "I-I'll eat on my own
now!" He cried out, desperation forcing the words out in a rush. "Please, just
... just no more of this!" His head was spinning and he felt dizzy, his heart
hammering in his chest.
The doctor stood, moving over to the machine, tapping in a code. Within
seconds, another loud beep sounded, signalling that the torture was over. Demyx
shot a hand down to grip at the tube in his stomach. He was smart enough not to
haul it out, knowing that it got wider the farther in it went so that it
wouldn't fall out easily. He just wanted it out of him. Moments later a nurse
rushed in, shock and confusion on her features to find the doctor at the
controls. "S-Sir, what are you doing in here? And ... why did you stop the
machine?"
The old man turned one of his smiles on the woman. "Demyx has agreed to eat on
his own. Had I known he was in so much discomfort, I would have insisted on
having this ... contraption uninstalled long ago!"
The nurse bowed a little in apology, knowing that the scolding wasn't
completely directed at her. It hadn't been her idea to hook the blonde up to
the 'auto-feeder', as they called it. "I'm sorry, sir, but orders are orders."
"Go tell the person responsible for this that I would like to have a word with
them in my office in ten minutes." The doctor turned his cold gaze on Demyx,
letting it melt there as a charming smile spread across his lips once more.
"Promise me you'll try to get better and I'll bring you in some of my wife's
cooking for you."
Tears sprinkled Demyx's lashes as he looked at the doctor. "I-I'm .. sorry for
the trouble I caused sir ... I'm sorry ... for being so weak."
"It's okay, Demyx. I understand. But we're going to help you, okay? And I'm
still your friend, even if you don't think I should be." The doctor reached
out, brushing sweaty locks of blonde away from the boy's flushed face. Demyx
pressed into the touch. Maybe things would turn out better after all.
xXx
Demyx sat up, wincing as the stitches pulled at his skin. A small smile laced
on his lips at the plate that the doctor held in his hands as he made his way
into the room.
"You're looking rather happy with yourself today. You look much better now that
you're no longer hooked up to that God-awful contraption. But, as promised, a
nice meal for the cooperative patient." Demyx felt his mouth water even before
he could see what the doctor held in his hands. The smell of cheese and
tomatoes drifted towards him, making the innocent smile on his lips broaden.
The haze of anaesthesia still lingered, but Demyx had been trying to ward it
off for the half hour he had been awake after the surgery to remove the tube.
"Thank you, sir. I ... I really don't deserve it."
"You do. I can't very well give you a key as a reward anymore, now can I?
You've got this whole room to yourself. You're not in chains. What else do I
have to use to bribe you into behaving?"
Demyx frowned. "You shouldn't have to bribe me." Noticing the mistake, the
doctor uncovered the food on the plate, handing it to Demyx as he sat on the
edge of the younger's bed.
"No, you're right. Bribe was the wrong word. It's a reward. It's hard
sometimes, but if you get rewarded, it's worth it, right? It took a lot for you
to admit those things to me yesterday. It was even harder for you to have
someone watch you going through something so horrible. You know, you're
changing a lot of lives. I'm going to see if I can get that system changed so
that other people in worse predicaments than you - that don't have a voice -
don't have to go through that torture. You deserve this meal, Demyx."
The blonde took in the lasagne with hungry eyes. He hadn't had real food since
the cake for the doctor's anniversary. He took the fork he was handed after
with shaking fingers. Back before things had fallen to ruin for him he had
always loved the cheesy Italian food. "Thank you, sir."
"Hey, I told you we were friends. No need for formalities." Demyx blushed, but
didn't respond.
xXx
"Demyx, did you know that you're nearly ready to leave this place?"
Aquamarine orbs opened wide, confusion spilling on the younger's face. "L-
Leave? But ... I can't ... Unless ... Unless I go to jail ... I .. There's no
way I coulda served my sentence yet. Doc, I've killed people. How can I leave?"
A mocking smirk was spread over the doctor's lips.
"Didn't I tell you? The courts ruled it as a case of momentary madness. As soon
as you show signs of being sane, you can go back to living a normal life."
"Just like that?"
"Just like that."
Demyx crossed his arms over his chest, hunching his shoulders up to his ears.
"What if I don't wanna? I like it here. It's ... repetitive here. There's no
surprises. I like it." There was a knock on the door and the doctor's smile
broadened. Demyx thought for a moment that it was his brother coming back to
pay him a visit, but knew not to get his hopes up.
"Why don't we talk about your arrangements after you leave here later. For now,
there's someone I would like you to meet." Demyx turned in his chair to see an
older woman standing in the doorway. A blush lined Demyx's cheeks and he sat up
straighter. He wanted to impress this woman for some reason. "Demyx, this is my
wife." His bright eyes shot open once more, taking in the woman more clearly,
noticing the puppy at her feet. He stood and rounded his chair, bowing deeply
to the woman.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! You're an amazing cook and it's so good to
finally meet you in person! The Doc's told me loads about you!"
Happy whining came from the dog at her feet and the woman smiled, motioning for
Demyx to stand back up. "He's told me a lot about you as well, Demyx. But I'm
not the one he wants you to meet right now. This is Luxord." The leash that the
puppy was on grew longer and it bounded for the blonde, jumping up at him,
trying to lick his face. Demyx couldn't help but start laughing, toppling to
the ground with the dog going all over him. Its soft, bleach-blonde coat felt
so good against his fingers. He didn't even notice the doctor moving to stand
beside his wife.
"He's your last test, Demyx. If you can take good care of him, you're free to
go."
Demyx's face screwed up as Luxord's tongue lapped at it, nearly working its way
into his mouth. He wrapped it up in a hug, trying to get it away from him, to
calm it down. "Y-You mean he's ... mine?"
"For a few months. Then he comes back to stay with us."
A frown made its way onto Demyx's glee-filled features. "Then ... so you're
gonna make me be friends with him ... then take him away from me in a few
months? Are you sure you're not the crazy one, doc?"
"I said that he would be coming back to stay with us. I didn't say that he
would be taken away from you."
Confusion crinkled the blonde brows, his arms tightening around the pup
defensively. "But ... I don't get it."
"A term of your being released from this prison is to stay with one of the
doctors until you are ready to become a functioning member of society again."
Demyx just gaped at the old man. Luxord had settled comfortably in his arms,
knowing he would get no more licking in any time soon. He was content there,
sharing the warmth. "Demyx, you have grown on me. If you can look after Luxord
for a few months, you may come live with my wife and myself until you feel
you're ready to leave."
A disbelieving chuckle left the blonde on the floor, tears of joy sprinkling
his eyes. "Y-You're kidding, right?"
The doctor shook his head, beaming, his wife with a large grin on her own
wrinkled features. "No, I'm not. We never had any children of our own, so
taking care of you for as long as you need would be wonderful for us."
Demyx released Luxord, jumping to his feet and wrapping the elderly couple in a
tight hug, digging his nose into the older man's neck. Luxord jumped up at the
sudden commotion as the doctor and his wife returned the hug. "Thank you, thank
you, thank you!"
xXx
"Luxord, sit." The dog complied easily, looking up with hard, concentrating
features. His heavy tail wagged once, a large thump on the floor. "Good boy.
Speak." The golden lab lifted his front paws off the ground a little when he
did as he was told, the bark echoing around the white room. "Good boy!" Demyx
praised, rubbing the spot between the dog's ears for a reward. Luxord had
nearly doubled in size in the short while since he had been in the blonde's
care. "Alright, now, go get your ball for the doc, kay?" Luxord sprang to his
feet, running to the far end of the room, digging under the last bed to snatch
up his yellow tennis ball, bring it back to sit at Demyx's feet. "Nope, to the
doc." Demyx pointed to the man just a little ways behind him. Luxord stared for
a moment, following the finger until he spotted the man in the doorway. He
trotted over, sitting and letting the ball drop from his mouth.
"Demyx, I must say, I'm impressed. He'd be a good show dog if you keep training
him like that. Seems you've got a way with animals."
"Luxord, c'mere, bud." The blonde patted his thigh and the dog barrelled over
to him, nosing at the hand presented to him, forcing his owner to pat him.
Demyx smiled, looking up at the elder. "It's nothin' really. May as well teach
him to do stuff if we're both holed up in here the whole time. One walk a day
wasn't much for my growin' boy." The heavy tail thudded against the floor at
the attention he was receiving.
"Well, I think that you can go for as many walks as you want to when you go
home." The doctor pulled a leash out from behind his back and Demyx's face
brightened. The leash and collar were tossed to him and he latched Luxord into
them.
"That's today then, isn't it? Won't it be weird? You really trust me? You think
I can do it?"
"I trust you, Demyx. Come on. My wife made a large supper just for you
tonight."
Demyx pulled on the leash to get Luxord to follow him and the dog jumped into
motion, staying directly beside the blonde's right side, only falling behind
when they had to walk through the door. The doctor was on his left side as they
left the blonde's room for good. "I-I'm .. I'm kinda scared, doc."
"I know. I know it's scary, but you'll get used to it. Just know that Luxord
and I are always by your side." Demyx smiled, nodding. He was free. He was
finally going to show the world that he was normal. Axel hadn't said a word
since the tube had been taken out of his stomach and even the sound of Sora's
death had dulled with the many hours of looking after Luxord. But what was the
world like outside of these walls? Would it be the same as it always had been?
His thumb moved to that place on his left hand that used to house his ring. He
didn't have anything to fear out in this world. He was leaving all the demons
behind. He was sane. He was free and he was sane.
"Good night, doc. Oh, and Demyx, it's so good to see you leave these doors!
Truly a miracle of God!"
A strange wave of unease washed over the blonde and he stopped to look at the
secretary. Her smile wavered for a second, but never disappeared. He returned
it but with a hint of confusion drawing his eyebrows together. "Silly girl.
Obviously you haven't learned much working here. There's no such thing as God.
Not in my eyes, anyways. Why would an all-powerful God let good people go
through the horrible things I've gone through? Sure, it might be a miracle that
I'm leaving, but it definitely isn't by God."
Zexion's words rang out in his mind, how there was no God to save him from his
torture.
No, it hadn't been God that had gotten him through all of those trials. It had
all been thanks to the doctor that had abandoned him in order to save him. If
anyone deserved the credit, it was him.
Demyx watched the secretary's smile vanish and a blush crept across his cheeks.
"I'm sorry, ma'am. That was really outta line for me. I just wanna go home."
An arm wrapped around his shoulders and the blonde was pulled close to his
saviour in a reassuring hug. "You'll be home soon enough. I can already see the
car."
Demyx didn't know how much more smiling he could do. His cheeks burned but he
was so happy that he could hardly feel the pain. His grip on Luxord's leash
tightened until the two clamoured into the back seat of the doctor's car.
Soon enough, Demyx's hand was entwined in the soft half-puppy fur of his best
friend, watching the buildings flash by from his back seat view.
This was it. He was going home to a place where people would love him. He was
finally normal again. A fire burned inside of him. He knew he wouldn't waste
this second shot at life he had been given. He wouldn't let his past hold him
down.
Demyx nuzzled into the strong neck of the dog sitting beside him. "Are you
excited, Luxord? We're goin' home!" The dog only turned and gave Demyx's cheek
a lick in response.
xXx
The End
xXx
The fact that this whole thing stemmed from three words and a pairing amazes
me. At one point I was thinking of sequel and prequel, and I still know what I
would do for them both, it's just a matter of getting up the drive for writing
again. May possibly happen, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
Also, 'How did Demyx get out of jail so fast? That doesn't make any sense!' I
know. But the doc didn't tell Demyx everything that had happened, all the
fighting that had been done to prove that he was safe and whatnot because he
didn't think that Demyx could deal with it or that he would even understand.
But that'll be in the sequel if it gets done, so, if that's something you've
had a problem with, I'll try to clear it up later. I don't want it being a
repeat of the Rookie Rule about the underagedness. It just happens, so, go with
it for now. :D
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!