Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1980966.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Harry_Potter/Severus_Snape, Severus_Snape/Voldemort
  Character:
      Harry_Potter, Severus_Snape, Hermione_Granger, Ron_Weasley, Draco_Malfoy,
      Albus_Dumbledore, Poppy_Pomfrey
  Additional Tags:
      Mpreg, Mpreg_Harry, Slow_Build
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-07-18 Updated: 2015-03-04 Chapters: 20/? Words: 33321
****** Impossible! ******
by moondansr, Stormlyht
Summary
     Every wizard from one of the old families knows about the rather
     complex spell which allows two men to have a baby together. It's not
     something that can happen by mistake, certainly not to a student at
     Hogwarts, so when Harry turns out to be pregnant no one knows how it
     could have happened. More complex is Harry's claim that he hasn't had
     sex.
Notes
     I don't know how the entire story will come out yet, having basically
     beginning, middle and end with no other details, so warnings and
     pairings will be altered or added as writing continues.
***** Chapter 1 *****
It was after midnight when Severus received the call. The Dark Lord didn't call
that late all the time, but it was certainly well within normal bounds. He
called when He wanted, regardless of anyone else's schedule.
Severus sent a quick message to the Headmaster before dressing and heading to
his lord. There was always a little delay between when he got the call and when
he appeared due to his position, but he was as quick as he could be.
The gathering was a small one. Severus, Draco, who was taking his father's
place in the inner circle far too soon, Bellatrix and Alecto were the sum of
those present. Anytime would be too soon for Draco to be in the inner circle.
The meeting, as it was, was fairly routine. After Severus was asked to stay
behind. "We have private matters to attend to."
"Of course My Lord," Severus said with a small bow to the Dark Lord. He watched
Draco and the others leave, hoping beyond a hope that Draco wouldn't end up too
caught up in things. Draco left with a quick glance his way, but Bellatrix gave
him a full sneer before going. Her jealousy of his extra time with the man was
becoming borderline dangerous. The Dark Lord had little patience for jealousy
among his followers.
Once she was gone he was gestured forward. "Come closer, Severus. Tell me the
state of things at the castle."
"Of course My Lord," he said, ignoring all other distractions and focusing
entirely on the Dark Lord. He moved forward and crouched in front of him,
keeping his head bent until he was told to look up. "It's nearly time for the
winter break and many students are choosing to stay at the school instead of
going home, where there is some chance of danger. The Headmaster has his eyes
all over the school and is hardly noticing Draco's movements at all." In
reality, it was Severus who was watching Draco and trying to keep him out of
trouble. Trouble which Draco seemed to be very interested in getting into.
"Slughorn has started his Slug Club as usual and seems to be doing just fine as
Potions Master." He tried not to sneer, but really, he hadn't wanted to ever be
DADA teacher.
"Has the old fool revealed what made him believe it was time for you to change
classes?" His Lord's eyes were on him at every moment, watching closely and
scanning his mind as well for any sign of mistruth.
"No My Lord," Severus said as he shook his head slightly. He buried the truth
behind walls made so thick and solid that no one could penetrate them. This was
always the challenging part. "All he's said was that he believed it was time
for me to take the class I have wanted this whole time. He has not told me
anything more."
There was a stretch of silence, followed by a nod. "What is the boy doing?" He
was referring to Harry Potter, of course.
"He seems interested in what Draco is doing, but hasn't yet come to any
conclusions. Also, his *friend*," Severus sneered the word out for the Dark
Lord's benefit. "Granger, has joined the Slug Club and he occasionally goes
with her to the meetings. Once in a while he visits with the Headmaster, but I
have not yet managed to figure out what that is about."
"Figure it out." He directed. "I don't have time to wait for this. Why are you
there if you can't discover anything?"
"I have been trying, My Lord," Severus said gently. "You are aware that the boy
doesn't trust me, and the Headmaster hasn't chosen to tell me anything
regarding this. I will do my best to spy on their endeavors."
"Take a risk on this Severus. It has been too long without new information.
Have you anything more to report?"
"No My Lord," he said softly. It was possible that he would be punished this
night. His Lord wasn't in a good mood. "I will not fail you."
"Of course you won't. You know what happens to those who fail me." His eyes
slipped away and Severus felt the contact between their minds slip away as
well. "I'm in need of entertainment tonight. Stand." His eyes returned to
Severus, this time lust was easily identified in them.
With a small nod, Severus stood. He tried not to shiver as he felt dread slip
down his spine. Entertaining the Dark Lord was always difficult, but it was his
duty, and he would not fail.
A finger ran down Severus' buttons. "Perhaps it is because you are so modest
that I enjoy this. I won't bother with all of these buttons, undo them or I'll
remove them."
"Yes, My Lord," Severus spoke but his breath hitched at the touch. Quickly he
undid his buttons so they wouldn't be torn out. "Would you like me to remove my
robes?" he asked. Sometimes the Dark Lord liked him to do the work, sometimes
he didn't. It was always difficult to know what the other man wanted.
"That's my Severus, so eager to please." A small smile snaked across his lips.
"Today, yes, I would like you to remove them. There's no rush, do it slowly.
You can leave them on the floor. You won't be needing them for... hours."
Now he did shiver, but he let his eyes flutter down and forced a blush across
his cheeks. It was best for the Dark Lord to believe he was anticipating things
rather than dreading them. His hands very slowly pulled his robes apart, taking
each piece off slowly, allowing them to fall to the ground as he did so. By the
time he was undressed fully he was already partly hard, an instinctual reaction
to the situation brought around by multiple sessions with the Dark Lord instead
of an actual desire to be here doing this.
"Tonight, I would like to watch you give yourself pleasure first. Kneel on the
carpet over there, Severus, and show me how much you want me inside of you." He
gestured to a throw rug, far enough away that he would have a good view of
every bit of Severus' body.
"Yes," he breathed the words out as he moved to the pointed area, "My Lord." It
was always hardest to do this because Severus did not actually enjoy being
watched. When he had first joined there had been a thrill to the actions that
surged him towards orgasm, but now that desire was completely gone. He turned
to the Dark Lord. "Would you like me facing you or… would you like my hips in
the air opening myself up for you to watch?" he asked, voice soft. Either way
would be difficult, but he wanted Him to be pleased or this would last so much
longer.
"Hm..." it seemed he might choose either until he said, "Let me see your arse
in the air tonight. Then I can take you whenever the desire strikes me."
Severus knelt, turning so he could put himself up in the air, spreading his
legs wide as he knew He liked it. "My Lord," he whispered, spitting on his hand
and reaching down to touch himself. Pressing his face into the ground he closed
his eyes and tried to decide what to think about. It was always hardest at
these times because he couldn't think of anyone in particular, He might try to
look into his mind as he moved. Each step had to be done carefully.
"Yes, just like that." At least the Dark Lord's voice seemed to have lifted
into a better mood. Perhaps this was the worst of what might come of the night.
***** Chapter 2 *****
It was Yule vacation which meant the castle was virtually empty, at least
normally that was what it meant. Instead Harry noticed it was fairly full. Of
course some had gone home, but many had opted to stay. Perhaps that was why he
woke up feeling sick after having the first wet dream he'd had in over six
months. All of that landed him in the tub and he was one of the last people to
enter the great hall for breakfast.
Most of the students around weren't paying him any attention but he did notice
Malfoy glance towards the door as he came in. Hermione frowned at him when he
came over and sat between her and Ron. "Morning Harry, everything okay?"
"Yeah, just..." he looked over the breakfast offerings and moaned, "eh... maybe
a bit of a flu."
"A flu?" Hermione said in concern. "You should visit Madam Pomfrey."
"Yeah, might as well," Ron agreed. "Why suffer when there's a Healer right
upstairs?"
"I guess, but I was fine until this morning." Honestly, just the smell of food
was rather disturbing.
"I suppose you could take a rest and see if you feel better later, but…" she
trailed off as she looked him over. "You may as well see her. Maybe it's just a
24 hour thing and she could help you through it quickly."
"Yeah, you're probably right." Harry sat at the table for a while though before
he gave in. "Think I'll just go see her now."
"Do you want me or Ron to go with you?" she asked.
"Nah, go ahead and enjoy your breakfast." Harry got up and rushed out. He had
to stop in a restroom to be sick on the way, which only made him hope there was
an easy cure even more. He entered the Healer's room feeling a bit drained.
"Harry?" Madam Pomfrey asked as he came in. She turned to him. "Oh dear, what's
wrong?"
"Dunno, felt fine last night but I'm really sick this morning. Flu maybe?" He
sat down where she usually told him to sit, not really wanting to stand
anymore.
"Well, let's see what we can see then," she said with a small smile. Her hands
flew over him, wand out as she examined him. After a few minutes she frowned
and brought out a small pouch, sprinkling a few herbs over him and waving her
wand over them. The frown deepened after several moments went by. "Well, I
don't see anything that would make you sick dear. Let's get you into a bed and
see about flushing your system. That might help. Have you eaten anything this
morning?" She walked to one of the private beds and motioned for Harry to go
behind the curtain.
"Please don't say that word. Just smelling breakfast made me sick." Odd, how
you could puke even when you hadn't eaten yet.
"Oh my." She got him onto the bed and then disappeared through a door for a
moment. When she returned she had a bottle in her hands and she offered it to
Harry. "Here you go dear. Just drink that down."
"Sure." Completely trusting her judgement Harry did his best to drink the stuff
down. It was a bit bitter but it went down quickly and she gave him a smile,
patting his shoulder lightly as he drank it.
"There you go. You have a private bathroom over there, feel free to use it when
you need to and just rest. I'll come back in a while and see how you're doing."
Harry wasn't sure whether the stuff helped or not. He was sure it made him need
the loo. Whatever did it, right around noon the nausea seemed to go away, and
he was able to leave. Which made him optimistic, until the next morning.
The next morning he sat stirring hot oatmeal and staring at it. He didn't think
he could eat the stuff, but he'd filled his bowl in a moment of bravery.
"Harry?" Hermione asked, looking over at him. "Are you okay, or are you not
feeling well again?"
He looked up at her and decided it was best to admit the truth. "I guess
whatever I had yesterday is back. Probably best to just let it run its course."
Ron looked over at him doubtfully.
She frowned at him and pursed her lips. "Maybe some crackers? It's something
that is mild enough you might be able to get it down."
Harry looked around. "I don't see any crackers, Hermione."
"We can go down to the kitchen to get them Harry. Do you want me to go?"
"No." He'd do anything to get out of that room full of scents. "No, I can go."
Harry didn't give his friends any chance to object. He was up and out the door
quite quickly.
***** Chapter 3 *****
On the third day Harry sent Ron to breakfast without him. Conveniently, he was
always fine by lunch, but with the next day being Yule he really didn't know
what he would do. He couldn't skip Yule day breakfast.
Yule, the fourth day, found him white faced sitting at the table nursing a cup
of herbal tea Dobby had sworn was good for an uncertain stomach.
"You okay, mate?" Ron asked for the third time.
"Yeah, great." He took another sip of tea, willing it to work.
"You don't look great," Hermione said with a frown. "Maybe you should go back
to Madam Pomfrey?"
Harry shook his head. "I don't think so. It really didn't do much the first
time." He was beginning to think this might just be his new normal or
something.
"Well something is obviously wrong, you should try again." She reached out and
lightly touched his arm. "You shouldn't be so sick."
He waved a hand in the air half heartedly. "Be fine in three or four hours.
Maybe I'm just a night person, or a vampire. Are there vampires?"
"Yes Harry, there are vampires," Hermione said with a shake of her head. "Do
you ever pay attention in class?"
"Yeah, but only when it's interesting." He wasn't sure why he'd admitted that.
If he was honest with himself that meant the first potions class he'd attended
has been interesting. His eyes flickered to the spot Snape usually sat on the
holidays. Snape was a creature of habit, he'd noticed, even more so than other
Professors.
Snape was eating without speaking to anyone, slowly bringing each bite up and
chewing it completely before swallowing. Almost as if he felt eyes on him, he
looked up and after a brief search of the room, looked right over at Harry,
catching Harry's gaze.
Of course he'd noticed somehow. That was one man who never missed a thing.
Feeling himself flush a bit at being caught, though why it was so embarrassing
Harry wasn't sure, he looked away.
"Yeah, well maybe it's that."
"You look a bit flushed. Think it might be getting worse? You might have a
fever," Ron suggested.
"Harry, you aren't a vampire. A vampire would have had to get into the school,
bite you to near death, then made you drink it's blood and that's something a
person doesn't just forget. Ron's right," she reached out and put a hand on his
forehead.
"I'm not getting a fever," Harry said impatiently, "and I'm no worse than I
have been." Honestly, couldn't a bloke just drink his tea and... bile rose in
his throat. He murmured a word he knew he oughtn't use and fled the room. He
didn't make it to the toilet, instead he ended up at a trash can.
"Honestly," a dry voice said a moment later from behind him. It was a voice
Harry would never mistake for anyone else. Snape. "Couldn't you at least hold
it in until you got to the loo?"
Harry made a disgusted noise, more because of the smell and taste than the
company. The company wasn't helping things any. "No, obviously not." Spitting
into the trash can one more time he started moving on towards the loo hoping he
wasn't going to be sick again before he got there.
"What on earth is wrong with you?" Snape asked. For a moment he could still
smell his puke, but then the scent was gone completely.
"I don't know. Madam Pomfrey couldn't figure it out when I went in." Harry
didn't have time to think about the scent, though he was glad it was gone. When
he hit the bathroom he started washing his mouth out.
"You went to see her when?" Somehow Snape was still behind Harry.
A few moments passed, "About four days ago I guess." Why was Snape so
interested anyhow? He threw some water on his face then wiped it off and turned
to look at his potions professor.
Snape's lips were pursed as he stared at Harry. "Four days ago? I see. What are
your symptoms?"
He sighed and leaned back on the sink. It could just be a potions thing but he
needed to remember that Snape wasn't potions master anymore. He taught DADA
now, so why the interest? Again he was back to not knowing. "I'm nauseous, and
can't eat or for that matter smell food." He thought that over and added, "Only
in the mornings though. I'll be fine in a few hours."
"And you have had these symptoms for four days? Exactly the same ones?"
Harry shrugged then he nodded, "Yeah." Did Snape know what was wrong with him?
"Have you been to Madam Pomfrey since the first day?"
Harry shook his head. He really didn't want to get his system flushed again,
ever. It was about as unpleasant as the problem in the first place. "Thought
I'd just wait it out."
"Let's return to her. There are some tests she might not have performed on
you." Then he turned with a snap of his robes and began heading out of the
room.
In two heartbeats Harry was following after him. There was no real option. It
had been an order not a request, and Snape would just get angry if he didn't
follow.
Snape led him back to the Healer's Ward and then right to a bed without even
stopping to speak to Madam Pomfrey. Once Harry was there he said, "Stay,"
before he went out to speak to Madam Pomfrey.
Stay, like a pet dog or something. Still, Snape was Snape and Harry did as he
was told, not wanting to deal with the consequences of moving in his current
state.
It didn't take long for Madam Pomfrey to come into the room with a small frown
on her face. "Hello Harry," she said. "Professor Snape tells me you've still
felt sick in the mornings. I have a few tests to do, one of which will require
a urine sample." She offered him a cup. "Before that though, let me do a few
more spells."
Harry stared at the cup. A urine sample? Really? "Sure," he said and waited
while she did what she needed to.
Her face relaxed as she did her spells, then she took a deep breath, nodding at
Harry. "Okay Harry. I'll be in the other room when you're ready with that."
Then she slipped out and closed the curtain around the room.
Harry peed in the cup feeling terribly awkward as he went to the curtain after.
"It's er... ready."
"Thank you Harry," Madam Pomfrey said as she took the cup from him. Snape was
sitting outside with her, sipping on some tea. She placed the cup on a table
and began casting spells on it.
Harry couldn't help wondering about Snape's continued presence. It was more
than a little odd. Was he in some sort of trouble? It seemed more than a little
likely, but this time he really hadn't done anything wrong. Though he still
wasn't feeling very well, he found himself inching closer, wanting to get some
idea of what was going on.
Madam Pomfrey seemed intent on what she was doing, and finally added a few
herbs to the urine before casting another spell. It turned a bright pink. She
frowned. "Well, that's just… impossible," she muttered.
That didn't sound good. Harry looked over at Snape.
He was frowning at her. "It is what I suggested then?" he asked smoothly and
she turned to him.
"How did you know to check for that?" she asked. Snape shrugged.
"My suggestion was based on the symptoms he was describing."
"Well, of course I'm going to have to speak to the Headmaster," she said. "It
could still be simply not true."
"I suggest the morning herbs or he'll not be able to eat for an undetermined
amount of time."
"Of course. I'm… you know where they are, yes? I think I should head to the
Headmaster right away." Madam Pomfrey seemed almost frantic to leave and Snape
nodded.
Harry blinked and she was out the door, rushing off to see Dumbledore. That
left him with Snape, and although he didn't relish the conversation he tried to
have it anyhow. "What's going on?"
Snape raised his eyebrows as he stood and walked over to a cabinet. "Do you
really want to know? It's something you would never expect to have happen to
you."
"Yeah, I'm getting that idea. If I don't know is it going to go away?"
"Very unlikely, although there is a minuscule possibility that we are wrong and
we currently have a false positive." He took out a small sack, opened it,
sniffed the contents and once he was satisfied, he turned and came back to the
table, setting the bag down.
"Then what's the use of not telling me?"
"Not telling you would give us the opportunity to wait and see if what we have
is the truth or not." He waved his wand and another tea cup appeared. He poured
some hot water into it, then opened the bag and took a pinch out, sprinkling it
into the cup. Carefully he stirred it.
Harry watched him as he did so, thinking that his logic was maddening. "Do you
think it's not true?"
"No. I think it is true." He offered Harry the cup. "Let's test my theory. Sip
this and tell me how your stomach feels."
Harry took a deep breath, reached out and took the cup. He remembered very well
a time when he wouldn't have listened, when there was no way he would have
drunk something only Snape had prepared. That time was past. Harry sat down and
sipped at the tea. This tea actually began to settle his stomach fairly
quickly, compared to his earlier attempt. He glanced at Snape. Half way through
the tea with his stomach feeling blissfully settled Harry asked again, "So
what's wrong with me then?"
Snape raised his eyebrows. "You're pregnant."
Harry sat still. He nodded. Yes, that was something so crazy that he simply
couldn't believe it. "That's impossible," he blurted, recognizing the same
energy in his response that Madam Pomfrey had exhibited earlier.
"No, it's not impossible, merely incredibly improbable. So Potter, with whom
were you four nights ago?"
Harry blinked at him in complete confusion. Then a picture formed in his mind
and he half squeaked, "Me, myself, asleep in my bed, alone."
Snape's eyebrows rose. "You must have been with someone. You can't simply have
become pregnant with no one else supplying secondary sperm to the spell. Life
come from two people, not one."
This was getting creepier by the minute, because it had been a strange night,
with a wet dream he didn't remember. Still... "I think I'd remember if I was
fooling around with someone."
"One would think, but perhaps the great Savior fools around with so many people
he can't remember them all?" Snape asked with a sneer.
Why, why, why was he even attempting this conversation? No one made him angrier
than Snape. "No, I don't and I haven't, so there's no way I'm pregnant for too
many reasons to even start mentioning." Including the one where he was a boy.
"Hmm," Snape took another sip of his drink. "Interesting."
Harry snorted softly, looked away and sipped his own tea. Now that he was
feeling better a part of him wanted to simply walk out, but he also wanted more
of that tea, for tomorrow.
There was several moments of silence, then Snape closed the bag and pushed it
closer to Harry. "Every morning, a pinch in tea or in hot water. Stir until
they dissolve and sip. I suggest you do this before you even go down to
breakfast. Tell the house elves."
Harry reached over and took the bag. "Thank you," he said, though he was
annoyed enough that a part of him cringed at having to say it. "I'll just go
then." He set down the empty tea cup and stood up hoping Snape wouldn't call
him back as he began to leave.
"Are you sure that's what you want to do?" Snape asked before he left the room.
He looked back. Who knew how long Madam Pomfrey would be gone? "Is there some
sort of reason not to go?" Other than so that the two of them could have a good
argument before hand, and maybe Snape could give him a detention or something?
"Well, I thought you might want to see what Madam Pomfrey has to say when she
returns. I suppose you're right, someone's bound to come find you and tell you
more about your situation eventually." He went back to his tea.
Harry paused, feeling uncertain. "Are you staying?"
"Absolutely. I dare say this is the singularly most entertaining thing
happening this Yule," Snape replied dryly.
Entertaining was hardly the word Harry would choose. Mentally he decided to go
with terrifying. "Well, I'd hate to mar your entertainment with my presence."
This time he was definitely leaving.
"Your reactions are half the fun," he heard Snape say before he was out of the
room.
Setting his lips in a tight line Harry returned to breakfast, determined to eat
one of the pastries while he had the ability to do so.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Still holding the cup, Poppy knocked on the Albus' door with worry coursing
through her. What she was seeing was next to impossible inside this school,
especially without the Headmaster knowing. Certainly he didn't know though,
because… this was just too strange.
"Come in," Albus called out from inside. When she entered she saw that he was
just giving Fawks a Yule treat. "Hello, Poppy, Happy Yule!"
"Happy Yule to you as well Headmaster," she said, instantly gaining a smile.
She closed the door behind her and took a seat. "You seem to be in a good
mood."
"There's really no use in being unhappy. After all it is supposed to be a day
to celebrate." He finally settled into his chair, "But I see something has you
concerned. How can I help?"
"Well sir, I'm honestly both confused and worried. Four days ago Harry Potter
came to me with an upset stomach. I could find nothing wrong with him but he's
had said upset stomach for days now. Severus came with him to me today and
suggested I do a pregnancy test on him. This is the result." She held up the
cup. "But I honestly can't imagine how on earth this could have happened."
"Severus did?" Albus leaned forward and eyed the cup. He cast several spells.
"Hm... you used a potency spell to make sure the results would show even if it
was a bit early, I see. Poppy, this is most unusual. Of course such a spell
couldn't have been cast on campus without me knowing, and if Harry had left the
grounds I would know that as well." Albus shook his head, "Someone who knew
just what they were doing has done something quite creative here. That, or we
have a false positive."
"I think we should check again for certain in a week, of course. I felt certain
you wouldn't be unaware of such a spell being cast on the grounds. I don't
understand at all how it could have happened, do you?"
"No, I can't think of any way. None the less, here we are. Let's not worry
Harry until you test him again, next week. If the test comes out positive again
at that time we'll have to take a closer look at things. In the meantime I'll
investigate a bit and see what I can learn."
"Of course." She took a deep breath and relaxed into her seat. "I simply can't
imagine how he could have gotten pregnant. I'll give him appropriate herbs for
the morning sickness and send him back to his friends. Thank you Headmaster."
***** Chapter 5 *****
Harry made a habit of carrying the herbs with him in the morning and if the
nausea seemed to return he just added a bit to whatever he was drinking. That
was how he made it through the difficult days. Morning sickness wasn't supposed
to happen so early when someone was pregnant, was it? He held that as proof
that he wasn't pregnant and he told Ron and Hermione that the herbs were his
medicine.
He was called down to see Madam Pomfrey a week later. "Hello Harry," she said
with a smile. "How are you feeling?"
"Great, you figured out I wasn't pregnant, right?" He felt very certain of it
at this point. "I mean it really is impossible."
"Well," she took a deep breath. "We're going to do another test dear, to find
out for certain." She held up a cup. "If you would." She motioned to the other
room.
Harry looked at the cup. At least Snape wasn't there this time to give him a
hard time. He'd just pee in the cup, bring it out and she would tell him that
there was nothing to worry about. So, why the feeling of dread? "Sure." He went
to take care of things before he gave away his discomfort.
"Thank you dear." When he came back she gave him a smile, took the cup and
sprinkled herbs into it. With a small frown, she began casting a few spells.
The liquid turned that bright pink again. "Oh my," she said with a sigh.
Harry shifted uncomfortably. "Look, there has to be something wrong with...
something. I can't be pregnant. I'm a boy." He decided to start there.
"Well dear, that doesn't really mean you can't have a child with another man,"
Madam Pomfrey said gently as she turned to look over at him. "There are spells
for that. Intricate spells that require someone to cast while the actions are
taking place. I have to ask, are you dating anyone right now? No, that's not
right, are you sexually active Harry?"
"No," he shook his head. That was yet another problem. "I haven't ever been.
Ever. So that can't be right."
"I'm inclined to believe you but I have to ask. I can't imagine how you could
possibly have gotten pregnant while you're in the school, but honestly all I
can say is that you are." She reached out and lightly placed her hand on his.
"I have to discuss with the Headmaster again. Are you going to be alright? How
are those herbs that Severus gave you?"
"The herbs work really well." Herbs for pregnant people, and she was certain he
was a pregnant person. "I..." he shook his head, "this just isn't right."
"Maybe you should take a seat."
He didn't see how that could possibly help. Still, he let her sit him down
feeling numb and uncertain. How could this happen to him? Why did the crazy
things always happen to him?
"Now, Harry, there are a lot of things to consider at this junction. For one,
can you think of *anyone* who might be the other father?"
"God?" Harry suggested, going with the whole immaculate conception thing since
he couldn't come up with anything better.
"Harry..." She sighed. "I have heavy doubts that any deity has anything to do
with this." She patted his hand gently.
Harry shrugged. "Well then any bloke's as likely as the next, I guess. Maybe
I'm both fathers?"
"I don't think so. I've never heard of that happening." She went silent for a
moment, watching him closely. "Harry, there are a lot of challenges coming. At
three months you'll be able to do a spell to see who the other father is. I
suppose we'll just have to wait until then to get any more idea of what's going
on."
He just stared at her, feeling the reality of what was happening settle in. She
really believed he was pregnant, which probably meant he was and that was...
impossible. It was still impossible.
"How are you feeling Harry dear? Still with me?" she asked, looking concerned.
"Yeah, sure." What was he going to do with a baby? He narrowed his eyes, trying
to figure that one out.
"What are you thinking now Harry?" she asked. "You look angry."
Was he angry? Yeah, he supposed he was. "I'm not even an adult yet, what am I
supposed to do with a baby? Oh, I know, maybe if we just explain to Voldemort
that this is a bad time to fight he'll wait until after I've given birth and
stuff."
"Yes, this is a terrible time for you to be pregnant, but Harry, we have to
consider that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named might be responsible for this somehow.
We'll be looking into your well being and taking every precaution of course.
Besides, there are many people who raise a child when they're young. You're a
strong young man, and there are plenty of teachers and adults who would be
happy to help you."
"That's not how I wanted to start a family. I wanted to do it the proper way,
with a wedding and, and, and a plan and someone else who was really excited.
Not like this, not at all!" Harry realized he was babbling and feeling sorry
for himself, so he stopped. He swallowed hard so he wouldn't cry on top of
everything else.
"Oh Harry, of course you did." She stood up and walked over to him, pulling him
into her arms in a fierce hug. "Of course you did. I completely understand."
Frowning, he let her hug him. He was going to have to do something, but what
could he do? He closed his eyes and decided that somehow he was going to get
through this and then, he was going to kill whoever had done it to him, for
real.
Her hand stroked through his hair for a long time before she finally spoke
again. "Okay Harry, I have to speak to the Headmaster. Are you going to be
alright alone or should I call one of your friends up here?"
"I'm fine." Harry didn't want Hermione or Ron just yet. He had no idea what he
would say to them and then classes were about to start again. That was fine,
but what would he do when he started to show? Everyone was going to know.
"Are you sure? I don't want you to stress yourself out horribly."
"Yeah, I mean, you don't need me anymore do you? I could just go back to the
common room."
"Yes, of course. I'm sure the Headmaster will want to see you later, but for
now you're free to go."
Harry nodded and left at the same time she did. He'd said he would go back to
the common room, but instead he found himself wandering the castle randomly, so
engrossed in his thoughts that he nearly knocked Malfoy over when he ran into
him.
"Watch where you're going!" Malfoy snapped, looking Harry up and down.
Harry was still stunned for a moment before he finally answered with a rather
weak, "Yeah, sorry." He backed off a bit, wondering what Malfoy was up to,
wandering around alone. Hermione kept telling him he was obsessed, but it
seemed sort of strange the way Malfoy was so often alone these days.
Malfoy frowned at him and started walking around Harry. "You'd better be sorry
Potter. You're always in the way."
That hit him in the wrong way, and he was already in a bad mood. "If you didn't
do such stupid things maybe I wouldn't have to be."
"I'm doing stupid things?" Malfoy sneered. "You're the one who ran into *me*,
remember?"
Leave it to him to point that out. "I'm sure I get one to every ten or
something like that." He turned away. It wasn't worth it really, fighting with
Malfoy.
"If you're suggesting I do ten stupid things before you do one, you're quite
mistaken." Malfoy wasn't following him though, just seemed to be watching him
leave.
"Whatever." He had bigger problems than Malfoy. Harry paused, wow, that was a
weird thought. He looked back at Malfoy. "I don't know what you're doing this
year, and you know what? I don't care. I have much bigger problems than you."
There. Forget Malfoy, let him do whatever. He wasn't the real enemy anyhow.
That felt right somehow.
Malfoy crossed his arms. "Really? Is that so? How fascinating. Good, have a
wonderful year Potter."
With a nod Harry turned and went on his way, feeling better than he had all
day. It was like he'd exchanged worrying about Malfoy for worrying about being
pregnant and it felt good to let something go.
***** Chapter 6 *****
When Severus got the summons, he was sitting in his office. It was no surprise
that he received it. A week had passed, Poppy had no doubt done the next
pregnancy test and Severus had watched Potter taking the herbs every morning at
some point, so he was quite certain the boy, somehow, had managed to start a
family. On his own. With no one inside the school being aware.
It was honestly the most frustrating thing that Potter managed to get himself
into these scrapes. How was it even possible? Severus had spent the last
several years trying to keep the boy out of trouble, and now… now… right as
things were beginning to come to a head, he was pregnant. Sighing, he said the
password to the office and walked to the door, knocking on it and waiting for
the Headmaster's permission.
"Come in Severus!" The cheerful voice greeted him as usual. Once he was in the
Headmaster went on in his customary way. "Tea? I have a lovely earl grey, or a
very soothing chamomile mint."
"I will take the camomile mint," Severus entered and closed the door behind
himself. It was one of the most comforting things, to have the Headmaster
inanely ask about tea. There was a ritual to it that Severus could not ignore,
and he went over to sit in the seat he always took.
After the tea had been presented, along with a small tray of lemon biscuits,
the conversation resumed. "The pregnancy has been confirmed. I rather expected
it would as I've managed to pinpoint the exact night and time that the spell
entered the castle wards. Do you know he began experiencing morning sickness
immediately?"
"Immediately?" Severus asked as he took a sip and thought back to the timing.
"As in the very first morning?"
The Headmaster nodded, "It seems Harry's in for a difficult pregnancy."
"So it sounds." His stomach clenched uncomfortably. "That… that night was…" he
trailed off and took a breath. The Headmaster didn't need to know about the
specifics of the meeting and the time after. He never did. "That was the night
we were last Called."
"Yes it was. Severus, is there any way Tom could have done spell work during
the last couple of hours you were there? I can't identify the origin of the
spell, which means I can't rule him out in that way." The Headmaster leaned
forward in his chair as he asked.
Impersonal. This was not related to *what* he did, rather, could the Dark Lord
have done spellwork? "Yes, there were moments when I was not able to pay exact
attention to him."
It was unlikely, Severus was the focus of the Dark Lord's attention, however…
However, he had his back to the Dark Lord for quite a time, and it was possible
that he had been doing something. "I would like to say it is unlikely though.
He was focused on his alternate hungers at the time, but I cannot fully rule it
out."
There was an unspoken rule between him and the Headmaster. They didn't discuss
what Severus did to maintain his loyalty to the Dark Lord, just so long as he
kept it. Severus was very skilled in keeping his loyalty unquestioned.
"That's too bad, but understandable. So, what I have is that a spell entered
the castle, and as the spell wasn't considered offensive nor did it have
similar characteristics to any banned spells it was allowed to pass. I wasn't
alerted. Many adults would be able to modify the spell enough so that if Harry
was involved in sexual activities at the time he would become pregnant.
Executing it would take a great deal of power, however."
That was… disturbing. "So the spell came in with no question, and somehow Harry
was involved in sexual activities so it went right to him? How much power are
we talking about?" The kind of power that the Dark Lord often took from
Severus? Could he have leached from the others as well? What would the purpose
of such a spell be anyway?
"For Tom the power would be easily at his disposal, but the randomness of this
doesn't seem like his style. Unless he somehow knew Harry would be with
someone." The Headmaster paused, giving Severus a significant look. "In
addition Harry is still insisting he hasn't had sex at all. I'm wondering,
could he have been with one of your Slytherin?"
"I doubt it," Severus drawled. "Although I can imagine that he might have been
with someone and not wanted to speak about it. He hasn't seemed interested in
any of my Slytherin's, except perhaps Draco, and I know that Draco has way too
much on his mind these days."
The Headmaster sat back, lost in thought for a time. Finally he settled on, "Do
keep an eye out. I suppose at the worst we'll have to check and see who his
partner was in three months. Still, if this was planned I'd rather know sooner
than later."
"Really Headmaster? Can you truly imagine it wasn't planned?"
The man shrugged. "While Harry can be difficult, his insistence that he hasn't
had sex at all is concerning. I can usually tell when he lies and this doesn't
come off that way. Besides, even after extensive chats with the portraits I
can't place him anywhere that night but in his own bed without company."
Severus leaned back and took a sip of his tea, considering the possibilities.
Either Potter was lying, and doing a damn good job of it, or he really was
alone. Sexual action must have been going on in order for Harry to be part of
the spell, but was it needed for that to be with someone else? He frowned and
set his tea cup down. "Would the sex need to be with someone else Headmaster?"
he asked as a few moments of his own sexual exploits that evening went through
his head.
The Headmaster frowned and went to his bookcase, pulling out a weathered,
handwritten book. He studied it for a time. "The modifications needed to
eliminate actual contact..." He shook his head. Looking up he said, "That would
require a great deal of power. Sexually generated power would be best."
For instance, several hours worth of sex energy. Severus felt the blood drain
out of him. Was he directly responsible for causing Harry Potter to get
pregnant? "But it could be done. If, say Potter was… perhaps, doing something
sexual with himself?"
"I don't know, perhaps. The spell would have to be modified a great deal. You
can take a look at it yourself. Do you need a copy?" It seemed to have just
occurred to the man that Severus might not have one.
"Please Headmaster," Severus murmured as his heart sped up and he tried to even
out his breathing. "I will take a look at it and see if I can figure out
anything else."
The Headmaster made a copy of the pages for the spell and handed them over. "Is
there an idea forming in your mind Severus? Something I should know about?"
"Nothing solid enough to discuss," he said softly as he took the pages. "I
will, of course, tell you if I find anything useful." Even if he did figure it
all out, he wasn't sure he would ever dare say anything. That was venturing
into dangerous territory.
"By the way, He is getting impatient with knowing what you are doing with
Potter. I have Him waiting but that will only last so much longer."
After a thoughtful pause the Headmaster answered, "Tell him that you heard us
discussing Slughorn and trying to get some sort of secret from him. That should
keep him busy for a time."
Severus raised an eyebrow and then nodded. "Yes Headmaster. Was there anything
else?" He finished his tea and waited to see if there was more to say before he
headed out. He rather hoped there wasn't, this had been a difficult enough
conversation to get through already.
"No. Let me know as soon as you have further information about Harry, and don't
tell Tom about the pregnancy just yet. Hardly anyone knows at this point, so
it's within reason for you not to know either."
"Understood." Severus stood and rolled the parchment up to slip into his
sleeve. "Then I'll see you later Headmaster." With an incline of his head he
turned and headed out.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Harry sat watching as Hermione and Ron got up to head for apparation lessons.
"Come on mate," Ron said, still as excited about the class as he was when they
first discovered they would be taking it, "you don't want to be late."
"Oh, I'm not... in the class."
"What?" Hermione asked, pausing and frowning at him. "What do you mean you
aren't in it?"
"Yeah, I've been pulled. It's fine, I mean it's not like I can get my license
yet anyhow."
Ron had stopped moving and was staring at him. "Neville's in the class. I mean
you said you'd be in it."
Harry shrugged and tried to pass it off quickly. He still hadn't explained
about the pregnancy.
"Harry, *everyone* is in the class." Hermione crossed her arms. "What's going
on, it's a normal class for everyone in our grade. No one doesn't take it."
Harry looked away from her. How did he explain? Everyone was going to be
wondering. "Well I don't have it. Madam Pomfrey pulled me because of...
things."
"Because of "things"?" He could feel Hermione's gaze on him. "Is it because of
you being sick Harry?"
He looked down at his hands. "Yeah, it's because of that."
"There's something you aren't telling us," Ron said, and if Ron had noticed
Harry knew Hermione had.
"You're going to be late." In fact all of the others had gone at that point.
"Why aren't you telling us is the real question here. Is it something that you
think we won't be able to handle? Or something you think will cause us to not
like you?" she asked without moving.
Harry looked up, startled. "No I..." He wasn't really sure how to tell them,
honestly. "Look you really will be late."
"Come on Hermione," Ron said, an edge to his voice. "He doesn't want to talk to
us."
"Harry, you know you can tell us anything, right?" Hermione pleaded taking hold
of Harry's hand and squeezing it. It sort of reminded him of Madam Pomfrey,
which was weird.
"Sure." Harry took a deep breath, wondering if it should worry him that he was
making the top witch in their grade late to class.
"Well then, we're going, but we're going to talk about this after class, you
understand?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.
He tensed, slumped and nodded his head. "Yeah, okay."
"Good." Hermione might have said more, but she looked over at Ron who seemed
pretty annoyed and simply let go of Harry's hand. "We'll see you after class
Harry."
Harry began the class period by wandering the castle listlessly. They'd already
told him no Quidditch after 3 months. Being so high up in the air was a risk to
him let alone the baby. It was likely he would stop playing sooner because as
captain he had the responsibility to train a new seeker. He was still in
potions for the moment but every time he saw Madam Pomfrey she mentioned he
would have to be taken out of it eventually. Small blessing, that. The thing
was he'd sort of started to like potions.
"Potter," a dry voice said from down the hallway. "You look like someone with
too much time on your hands." Snape was not too far away and looking right at
him.
So much for blessings. "I don't have a class right now, Sir." The last thing he
needed was Snape marching him down to the class he wasn't supposed to be in.
"Of course you don't have a class right now," Snape snapped. "It would be
damaging for both of you if you did." He looked Harry up and down. "Have you
taken to wandering the hallways during your free time then? No homework or
studying to do?"
Merlin, a guy couldn't have a single moments peace. Although honestly he wasn't
doing his homework like he had been, between reading the potions book and
thinking about the pregnancy there wasn't much time left. He'd memorized spells
having no idea what they did, learned remedies he'd likely never need, but as
for his actual classwork, it was a miracle he was passing. Snape didn't need
the satisfaction of hearing that. "Just needed some fresh air."
Eyebrows raised. "You have forgotten where the entrance to the school is then.
Come, let me show you." Then he began walking.
Harry followed reluctantly. What was this all about? "I could find it fine on
my own."
"Could you? I'm not so certain." He slowed down though, so Harry could catch up
with him. "You haven't told them, have you?"
Harry blinked at him. How could he know that? "Who?"
"Your friends. They're in the class you aren't in and look rather put off." He
smirked at Harry. "Not feeling bold enough to come clean Potter?"
This was always the way they ended up arguing these days. Harry had even begun
to sometimes notice he was being baited but that wasn't enough to keep things
from getting out of hand. "That doesn't seem to be any of your business...
Sir." Trying to be calm, trying...
"Is that so? Well then I suppose it wouldn't be out of place to announce it to
the school. I should talk to the Headmaster. Maybe over dinner?"
He should walk away. That would be the best way to deal with this. Why did this
man always have to prod him? "No, that would be completely out of place." He
had stopped walking, too angry to keep his limbs moving.
"Would it?" Snape paused and turned fully to look at Harry. "Really? I always
thought that you and your friends were inseparable when it came to truths.
Certainly it won't harm them to learn about your condition this way."
"Are you out of your mind?" There went his temper, and he couldn't stop it.
Yelling at Snape never worked out well, but he was doing it again.
"I'm certain I'm not," Snape smirked, as though pissing Harry off was a
personal accomplish he was proud of. "Are you?"
"No, I'm not! Just leave it alone. I can take care of this myself. I definitely
don't need you're help!" Harry turned to stomp off in the opposite direction
and found himself facing the dungeons. Bloody hell! He turned back, glaring.
Snape raised his eyebrows. "I thought you knew where you were going Potter.
It's this way," he said as he began walking again.
"I don't..." For some reason he rushed to catch up. "I don't need your help
with that either."
"Don't you? I see." He didn't stop walking though, nor did he say anything else
for a time.
So Harry trailed after him, feeling like an idiot because he was doing so. It
was like the more they argued and fought, the more Snape abused him, the more
he came back for more. Pathetic. Real healthy relationship they had there.
"You do realize that your friends are going to be very important as you
progress through your condition, right?" Snape's voice was low as he spoke.
"Consider how it will feel if you delay much longer in confiding in them. Also,
based on your current consumption of the herbs I believe you are in need of
more." He stopped at the front hall and pulled a pouch out of his robes. "This
should last you a month. If you run out, come to me."
"Oh." He had started running low. He'd figured on asking Madam Pomfrey.
"Thanks." Thanks? Somehow he'd gone from furious to thanks? Harry wanted to be
angry about that too but he found he didn't have the energy. He must have used
it up in the last bout of anger.
Snape stood stiffly for a moment before nodding at Harry. "The class will be
over in an hour. I heavily recommend you are back inside by then."
"Right." Tucking the herbs away Harry hurried outside where he brooded about
Snape more than he did about being pregnant.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Harry was in by the time Hermione and Ron got back from class. He took them to
the most private place he could come up with, an empty classroom, and wandered
to the windows, sitting down on a sill.
Hermione looked over at Ron and then back to Harry. "Alright Harry, what's
going on?" she asked boldly.
"I'm pregnant." That was the only way he could think to put it. Ron was looking
at him like he'd grown neon green fur and a tail or something.
For her part, Hermione was frowning. "Pregnant? Harry, you're… you *are* a boy,
right?"
"Yeah, I sure am."
Ron finally managed to speak. "But... but that's a really hard spell, and
Dumbledore would never allow it to be worked here, and besides I didn't know
you even liked guys. Who were you with?"
"I wasn't with anyone!" It was so unfair. He was starting to know what girls
felt like when people asked these types of questions.
"Alright Harry," Hermione said gently, coming over to him and putting a hand on
his shoulder. "What do you mean hard spell Ron?" She leaned in close to Harry
but looked at Ron.
"Well..." he shrugged, "I don't know a lot about it, just that it exists and it
takes three people to do things as well as a bunch of careful steps if you
don't want to mess it up. There's a spell, the old families used it to keep
blood pure when two blokes wanted to get together."
"Okay, so this is something that happens, but it's got to be done right. So it
couldn't have been an accident. I assume the three people include the two
having sex and one to cast? Yes?" She lightly ran a hand up and down Harry's
arm. It was oddly comforting.
"Well, yeah, then the timing of everything has to be just right." Ron pulled a
face, "It's definitely not something I'd ever want to be involved in."
"It's not something that happened to me, either, because I still haven't had
sex." He hadn't even come close, and it had always been girls he fancied.
"Well something must have gone wrong, obviously." She returned her attention to
Harry. "I'll do some research of course, see if I can't figure out how it
happened. Until then, what are you going to do?"
Harry shrugged, "Keep on growing a baby I guess. Dunno whose, or why, but I
think I've finally found enough motivation to want to kill somebody."
She pursed her lips for several moments before tentatively saying, "Do you want
to keep it?"
Harry blinked at her in total confusion.
"Of course he does!" Ron was as quick to answer as Harry was slow. "It's a
baby!"
"Ron!" Hermione turned to him with wide eyes. "It's *Harry's* body! He gets to
make that decision, not us!"
"But it's a baby, Hermione. Harry wouldn't want to do anything to harm it."
Harry knew he should speak up, but he was too busy trying to process the whole
thing. The question, Ron's race to answer it for him. It didn't even seem real.
"It doesn't matter if it's a baby Ron!" she said firmly. "Harry might not want
to harm it, but he might not want it either. It's a decision *he* has to make,
based on his body and his needs. Don't try to force him into a corner." Then
she turned back to Harry. "You still have time to make this decision Harry,
I've already looked up the Wizarding world's methods and I'm fairly sure some
of them can be adapted to this."
"Oh you... why would you...?" Suddenly the question he would normally have
asked so easily seemed really awkward and personal. He didn't ask it. Instead
he tried to think. "I just don't know. I mean it is a baby, or at least it will
be, and it's part mine. I assume it's part mine." He'd always wanted a family,
not like this. "They say that on the third month they can tell who the other
father is. That might help." For all he knew he wasn't one of the fathers at
all. That was just as possible as the rest of it.
"So you want to wait to make this decision? I think you should think about it
though, really consider if this is the right time for you to be starting a
family. No one..." Hermione looked over at Ron. "Is going to make you do
something you don't want to do."
"Funny you would say that, since no one's even mentioned I had a choice until
you did." He hadn't even thought of it. The baby could wait, right? What
happened when a person chose not to have a baby? Did they wait for the next
chance or were they just gone forever?
"Well it's certainly past time *someone* did!" she said as she looked back over
at Harry. "For heaven's sake Harry, certainly you thought about it, right?"
"No, I just sort of thought I was stuck, you know?" It sounded crazy even
though he knew it was true.
"You *aren't*," she insisted. "You aren't Harry, and we're going to be here for
you whatever you decide." Then she threw her arms around him and pulled him
into a tight hug.
As he returned the hug Harry realized he felt much better. "Thanks Hermione."
He hated thinking Snape was right. Telling his friends really was helping.
"Yeah, but I still think you're going to keep it." Ron sounded a bit put out at
the moment.
"You're welcome Harry." She looked over at Ron once the hug was over. "I think
we should wait to see who the other father is Ron. What if it's Voldemort?"
"Then we'll make sure the kid isn't raised to be a cold blooded killer!" Ron
scowled at her.
"What if I'm not even it's father at all?" Harry asked.
"That's impos..." Ron stopped, thought, and shook his head. "Well, I don't
think it'll be true."
"I just think you should consider all angles Ron," Hermione said gently. "I…
I'm not sure what I think yet, there's too much to process."
"Fine." Ron didn't sound like he intended to consider much though.
"I just don't know what the right thing to do is, but it's nice thinking
there's a choice. I don't think any of the adults are believing that there
wasn't any sex involved," Harry said.
"Does there *have* to be sex involved? How much of the spell do you know Ron?"
Hermione asked.
"There's sex. I mean that's one of the things that makes the spell difficult.
Casting of the final part has to happen exactly when they er..." he stared at
Hermione and turned bright red... "you know..."
"Reach orgasm?" Hermione said dryly with raised eyebrows. "I'm not a delicate
flower, I know how this all works."
"Yeah, uh, it's easiest if they both do at the same time too. Just... maybe Mum
would loan me the book so you can see?" He was still bright red.
Harry laughed. "That might be a good idea."
"I'd really like that," Hermione said enthusiastically, "and any other
reference books related to it she'd be willing to part with. Thank you, Ron."
"Sure. I'll send her an owl. Which I could do now if that's okay?"
"Fine with me," Harry agreed, knowing that Ron was looking for an out. The
conversation really seemed to be disturbing him.
"I really appreciate it Ron." Hermione gave Ron a smile.
He was quick to leave the room. Harry thought he took a bit of tension out with
him. Part of him was glad once Ron was gone.
"So, Harry," Hermione said as she turned to Harry and sat down. "Tell me
honestly all the things that you're feeling. It'll help."
That was going to take some time. "You sure? I'm likely to go on and on you
know?"
"Get it out," she opened her hand and waved it in between them. "Go for it."
He shrugged, "Okay, if you say so." Then he started pouring it all out, the
resentment, confusion, anger, just everything. It really did make him feel
better in the end.
After he was done, Hermione smiled. "There you go. Anytime you need to talk
Harry, just give me a look. We'll talk. I'm always going to be here for you."
"Thanks Hermione." This was a new side to his friend. Why hadn't he ever seen
it before? Then Harry almost shook his head at himself, he'd never been
pregnant before. That had to be it.
***** Chapter 9 *****
When Harry entered the loo he had no clue what to do. Malfoy was definitely
crying, which brought to his attention the fact that Malfoy was a real person
with feelings. Speaking of uncomfortable. "You okay?"
Malfoy looked up at Harry and glared. Wiping his face off, he snapped, "I'm
fine Potter. Go away."
"Er, yeah, I get that, but I sort of came in here to *use* the loo." He really
needed to go and the next one was a pretty good walk.
"Then just go," he waved at the stalls before returning to the sink, turning on
one of the taps.
Harry just went, but when he came out the first thing he did was look for
Malfoy. He wasn't sure why it was bothering him that his ex-enemy was crying,
but it did.
It wasn't actually hard to find Malfoy, once Harry was out of the loo he saw
the other boy in an empty classroom across the hall. No lights were on, nor was
there anyone else in there with him. Normally he would just walk by, but
instead he went in. "So, are you just going to hang out in here hoping to stop
being upset?"
Malfoy looked over sharply, and crossed his arms. "What's it to you Potter?
It's not like I'm likely to tell you anything anyway so why are you bothering
me?"
Harry shrugged. "I didn't ask you to tell me anything in particular, just
trying to help."
"And why would you try to help me?" Malfoy snapped. "You and I never get along,
we never have, we never will. This is some sad excuse to try to get something
out of me, and it won't work."
"Whatever," Harry rolled his eyes. "I have enough of my own problems, don't
need to borrow any from you right now." They were on opposite sides though.
"Want me to..." he had to think a bit, and the answer to the question who are
Malfoy's friends made him grimace. Still he pressed. "Get Crabbe and Goyle for
you or something?"
"Why would I want Crabbe or Goyle right now?" Malfoy asked with raised
eyebrows. "What good would either of those two be?"
"Parkinson?" Harry was growing more doubtful by the moment.
"Are you nutters?" Malfoy gasped, eyes now going wide.
"Well I don't know, who do you talk to when you're upset?" Harry asked, giving
up taking a guess.
"No one, of course. Why? Do you talk to someone when you're upset?"
Harry shrugged. "Eventually. I mean you can't keep everything to yourself or
you'll loose your mind at some point."
"Then I suppose I will lose my mind." The corner of Malfoy's mouth twitched up.
"At some point."
Harry rolled his eyes, "You probably already have." Maybe there was really
nothing he could do here? "Well, er, we could just talk about Quidditch for a
while, take your mind off it?"
There was silence as Malfoy stared at him. "Quidditch? That sport I can't
really pay any attention to because of how busy I am, and you can't play for
some reason? That thing?"
Harry half shrugged. "It's a common interest, unless you just pretend to be
into it."
"I never pretended to be into it," he snapped. "I never would have chosen
Seeker before you, but at least I was playing."
"Yeah, you should switch positions. I mean you do fine as a seeker, but there
are better places for you. I've started outgrowing it myself I think."
"Really? What would you play instead?" Malfoy asked.
Harry shook his head, moving a bit further into the room and leaning against a
desk. "Nothing else ever feels right. I sort of thought once school was over
I'd probably only play for fun anyhow."
"You never considered Chaser? You're quick and good at changing direction.
You'd probably be good at that."
Harry nodded, frowning as he wondered whether he would get to play again at
all. "Maybe next year, or if I end up being able to play again this year." He
was still wrestling with the idea of getting rid of the baby.
"So what *is* the story anyway Potter?" Malfoy asked as he leaned back against
the wall. His breathing was normal now, and his face was dry, if still red from
the crying.
Harry snorted. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you. Besides, with that mark
on your arm I can't trust who you might tell."
"What mark on my arm?" Malfoy asked sharply, but one hand slapped on the other
arm.
"I saw it a while ago. It's not like I'm telling anyone I haven't already told,
so don't get all excited about it." Was it even any use not telling about the
pregnancy? Voldemort probably knew already. What were the chances he'd had
nothing to do with it?
"You couldn't have seen it. No one has seen it." Then he snapped his mouth shut
and looked away, forcing himself to pull his hand away. "There's nothing to see
anyway."
"Right, and I don't have morning sickness. Whatever you say, Malfoy." It seemed
silly really, to hide it. That or he felt like he should give something in
return for his certainty about the mark.
Malfoy's gaze snapped to Harry. "You must be joking."
He wished he was. "You'd have put it together yourself eventually. If you
weren't so bloody busy you'd have done it by now, and be wondering how it could
have happened."
"How *did* it happen?" Malfoy asked as he crossed his arms.
Harry shrugged. "I don't know. If anyone's figured it out they aren't sharing."
"You're bound to know something by three months though. At least there's that.
Haven't been snogging anyone, I'd have known about it, so someone set you up.
Although to be honest, death by baby never struck me as a usable idea, so
probably there's some ulterior motive."
"Yeah, I'm probably carrying around Voldemort spawn or something. Risky, if you
ask me. I mean there are still things I could do to get rid of it." He hadn't
looked into them all that deeply though. Ron was right about one thing, for him
it was nearly impossible to kill a baby.
"Doubt it." Malfoy shrugged. "He'd know you'd get rid of it. It's bound to be
someone else, someone he could have sway over."
Harry had been wrestling with this topic plenty. "How? I mean what would be the
use of that sway?"
Malfoy raised an eyebrow. "You're good, right? I mean, basically, inside you,
you'd be unlikely to abort a child unless you knew it's other parent was truly
evil, right?"
Of course he'd thought of that. "Yeah, I've got that part."
"So even if, say, I was the other father? You'd keep it? Or… my father?"
It totally rubbed him the wrong way thinking Lucius Malfoy could be the father.
"I don't know." He shook his head, "Probably. What good does that do Him?"
"Well, it certainly doesn't do Him any good to have you have my child, unless
he wanted something out of me." Malfoy shrugged. "See, it would be my child,
heir to my lineage, heir to my family and fortunes, not to mention the fact
that it would be three quarters pureblood. If he wanted something from me, he
could threaten that child, or offer to get it for me, in return for a favor.
That sort of thing."
That took a bit for Harry to wrap his mind around. "So what, this is like
leverage to him? A baby?"
"Of course," Malfoy said evenly. "And your life."
"And my life?" He was totally lost again.
"Well of course." Malfoy snorted. "You'd have to get through the pregnancy in
order to have the child, right? So there's that to consider as well."
Harry fell silent, again wrestling with the totally foreign way of thinking.
"He wants me dead as soon as possible though. Why put something in me that
might delay that by 9 months?"
"Either he's thinking of killing you while you're weak and pregnant, or he
wants you to be protected for some reason so he can kill you later." Malfoy
shrugged. "I don't know who the other father is, so I can't really tell for
certain what he's hoping for past that."
After some silence Harry shook his head. "There are things you understand just
because of how you think. I can't understand Him like that." He felt pressured
because of Dumbledore to understand everything about Voldemort, but he just
couldn't.
Malfoy snorted. "I understand some things, but he's not what I…" he looked
around suddenly and took a breath. "Anyway."
Harry let it go. "Yeah, I understand him a bunch of ways, but I never would
have come up with all that. It seems so foreign and you did it so easily."
"You're not Slytherin," Malfoy shrugged, as though that simple fact made it
easy for him. "I suppose we just think differently."
Harry bit at his lip a bit wondering if being Slytherin really made you a whole
different person. "I almost was," he said softly.
"What are you talking about?" Malfoy asked.
"The hat wanted me for Slytherin, but I..." Harry considered trying to be nice
about it and decided that would just be lying. "I thought you were a bully and
didn't want to be in your house."
There were several moments of silence, then Malfoy's mouth split into a grin,
and he began laughing.
Harry had been afraid that would just start them fighting all over again, so he
was startled into staring.
"You… you were supposed to be in Slytherin?" he gasped, looking at Harry. "You
didn't want to be because of me? Oh that's rich Potter, rich! You have no idea…
just no idea."
Harry blinked at him. "I don't get it." He did get one thing though, Malfoy was
especially good looking when he laughed. Wait, when had he started thinking
about Malfoy as someone who was good looking?
Malfoy lifted one hand and wiped at his eyes before he spoke again. He was
still wheezing from the laughter and he managed to say, "It's rich because I
was *supposed* to *befriend* you Potter! That was the first task my father gave
me, to be your friend and get close to you, but… I pushed you away, and I
didn't even know I had done it!"
"Oh." That sure didn't work out. "Wait, you were trying to be friends?"
Malfoy stared at him with wide grey eyes. "What do you think I was trying to do
by offering you a place at my side on the train?"
Had he done that? "I was pretty sure you were just trying to make fun of Ron,
or something."
"I was…. no, that… oh for Merlin's sake!" he snorted. "I was trying to explain
about pure blood society, who was who. Weasley's aren't highly respected in the
pure blood hierarchy, you know that by now, right?"
He shrugged, "I dunno, maybe? I don't really talk to anyone who is."
"You…" Malfoy shook his head and let out a breath. "You're mad. Just mad.
You've been in our society for 6 years, one would think you would have learned
a few things by now, but apparently not."
"I've learned a lot of things." More than he thought would fit in his head
sometimes. "Not about pure bloods though. I mean why would I? Who would tell
them to me?"
"Weasel should tell you!" Malfoy snapped with a glare. "You're the last heir of
your line Potter! There are so many things you should know. Do you even have a
clue how many pieces of property you own? Because believe it or not, *I* do.
How much money is in your vault? We have a rough estimate of what should be in
there. I know the life savings of twenty different pure blood families, all of
which have women my age I could marry."
"The house was burned down, I mean I guess I know of that property, but I don't
think there's really anything else and the vault has..." Harry shrugged,
"plenty in it. Why do I need to know more than that?"
"You have six pieces of property, not including Godric's Hollow or Black Manor.
That one is considered a monumental landmark now and not owned by anyone. You
have your ancestral home in England, a small shack village in Scotland, a villa
in France, a block in Japan, a hundred acres in Australia and a plot in the
United States, specifically Florida. Godric's Hollow was made by your father
for your mother who didn't want to live in the ancestral home your father grew
up in. Then there's Black Manor, which you are familiar with. Besides that, you
have all the property and wealth of the Black family name, making you not only
the Potter heir but also the Black heir. I know more," Malfoy said evenly with
raised eyebrows. "But I'm not actually trying to brag."
"Oh, no, well that's enough. I mean, why do you know more about what I own then
I do?" If his Aunt and Uncle knew all that they'd have found a way to steal it
by now.
"It's part of our upbringing as pure bloods," Malfoy said as he stood tall.
"That's just how it is."
Harry tipped his head, looking at him closely. Malfoy was attractive. How
strange that he was noticing that all of a sudden. "So, you seem to be feeling
better now."
His mouth opened, then closed, then he shrugged. "Yeah. I guess, for now."
Malfoy looked around the room and then glanced at Harry again. "Never talk
about this again?" he offered.
Harry watched him closely, wondering why it sounded a bit like a peace
offering. He nodded. "Fine with me."
Malfoy nodded and muttered, "Thanks."
"Sure. If you ever want to talk Quidditch though... I'll be around." What was
he saying? Was he crazy?
"I'll..." Malfoy took a deep breath and stood up straight. "I'll remember that.
Quidditch."
***** Chapter 10 *****
Harry sat alone in the astronomy tower with Hermione's potions notes and the
Prince's textbook trying to learn potions without brewing them. It was a nice
day, but it was also the time during which everyone else was off learning how
to apparate. He figured he ought to try to make something of it.
He'd been working for a while just trying to grasp the situation when the door
opened. "So, are you attempting to brew, or are you just trying to fake it?"
Snape's dry voice asked.
"I'm not allowed to brew." Harry looked up. "But I'm sure you know that."
"Of course I know that." Snape moved closer, closing the door behind himself.
"I'm certain that I know exactly when it becomes dangerous to brew and which
potions are bad for you at what stage. There's only one other person who might
know that as well."
Harry blinked at him and hated himself for briefly wishing Snape were still
teaching potions. After all, if Snape was, he wouldn't have the class at all.
"You do?"
"Of course I do," Snape said dryly as he walked closer to Harry. "Do you truly
doubt me?"
Harry shook his head, "No. I just, well, it had never occurred to me."
“You realize why you're not allowed to brew in class, right?" Snape's movements
were certain and firm, walking all the way to Harry and glancing down at his
notes.
Hermione's notes, Harry realized. Well, what did that matter? It wasn't
cheating or anything. "The fumes can be dangerous to the development of the
baby."
"Which fumes specifically?" Snape asked, raising an eyebrow then looking right
at Harry.
"Potions fumes." Harry knew he wanted something more, but there was no way to
give it. Slughorn hadn't been any more specific than that.
He snorted and raised his eyebrows. "All potions fumes? Truly? That's what you
were told?"
"More or less. I take it it's not that simple."
"No, it's not. For one, many potions fumes are entirely harmless, the trouble
comes when people make mistakes and cause more toxic fumes than you should be
dealing with. Thus you can't be in a normal class with multiple people, there's
no guarantee nothing will go wrong."
"Then I could still take potions, just not with other people?" There was a
moment of hope, which disappeared when he remembered who he was talking to. No
way was Snape going to help him. Any minute now Snape would crush his hopes and
grind them under his foot. It was hard enough admitting he actually liked
potions these days without dealing with that.
"Correct. Mostly. There are still certain ingredients that you should not
touch, or be near, or even breathe in. Some potions you really shouldn't make
at all. I, of course, am aware of which are worst for you at each junction of
your pregnancy." He continued to stare at Harry, almost seemed to be waiting.
As soon as he got up the nerve to ask, Snape would shoot him down. "You said
someone else knew too."
Once he felt like he was less than an inch tall and Snape was done telling him
why he wouldn't help him maybe he could go to the other person.
"Yes, there is one other person. Unfortunately, I don't think she'll be able to
help you."
Harry frowned, "Why not?"
"Because she has unfortunately passed. According to one professor here at
school, you do seem to be taking after her quite well, so maybe you could wing
it?" he suggested with raised eyebrows.
His Mum? Seriously? Great, so there wasn't really one other person, at least
not one he could talk to. "Yeah, thanks a lot."
"Certainly," Snape said. He motioned to the books. "So, you're planning on
continuing this line of study?"
Harry looked down and sighed. He might as well just get this over with. Looking
directly at Snape he asked, "Would you be willing to teach me potions while I'm
pregnant?"
“That depends. Are you planning on being the dunderhead I know you to be from
my own experiences with you in Potions, or are you going to be this
surprisingly good student that Professor Slughorn can't seem to stop talking
about?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
Harry shrugged. "That depends, are you going to be a teacher, Sir, or will you
spend the entire class baiting me until I lose my temper?"
There were several moments of silence before Snape smirked. His eyes were a bit
dark though, as he stared at Harry. "I think we have come to an agreement
then."
Had they? Harry wasn't sure, but he went with it, hoping it didn't end badly.
"So when is the class?"
"It seems you have time now. Since you really can't learn to apparate with the
risk of splinching. We should probably meet three times a week though, since
you can't actually brew some of these potions. Let's make it from eight to
nine, like now. You can pick the other two days. No Saturdays."
This was really happening. Snape was going to teach him potions again and why
did that just feel... right? He had an odd instinct to trust Snape's lessons
even though he hated the man most of the time. "Monday and Wednesday then."
That left his Fridays free. "You probably don't want to teach me in the
Astronomy tower."
"No," Snape said with a shake of his head. "You can learn in my private lab.
Pack up, I'll show you where that is."
Harry closed everything up and slipped it into his bag. Without another word,
Snape led him out of the room, down the hallway and deeper into the dungeons
than Harry had been since he snuck into the Slytherin common room. He opened a
door that looked like it hadn't been touched in years, and walked in. Candles
around the room lit and Harry was looking around a large room with several long
tables, each with different ingredients on them in various states of
preparation.
"This is my private lab." He turned to look at Harry. "I expect you not to
disclose that information to anyone or I will terminate this agreement and will
have to move the lab again. Understood?"
Harry began nodding, felt like that wasn't enough and said, "Yes." He couldn't
believe Snape would show him something like this.
"Good." With a wave of his wand, one of the tables cleared itself, all the
ingredients, utensils and bottles floating over to another table. "This will be
your table."
Harry went to the table and set his things down. "I don't actually have my
cauldron today. It's in my room."
"You won't be working with a cauldron today." Snape went to a shelf and pulled
out a couple rolls of parchment. "Today we will be talking. I need to know
where you are in your lessons so I can plan out how to proceed."
He set one roll of parchment in front of Harry, then put the other across the
table. Two chairs appeared on each side of the table and Snape sat down in one
of them. "You'll be writing which potions you've made and what you remember
about them. I'll be making notes as you write and talk. Start at the
beginning."
"Okay." Harry began with the first class and wound his way through the potions
and what he remembered about them, which was a certain amount. He'd been so
obsessed with the book, that he reviewed potions information in his head twice
as much as he did anything else.
Snape didn't make a single comment until Harry was finishing up. "You seem to
be able to retain at least four times the information you usually do. Any
particular reason why?" he asked dryly as he put his quill down.
"Er..." What did he even say to that? "I really like my book this year." Yes,
because that didn't sound stupid coming out of him.
Raising an eyebrow, Snape leaned back. "You… really like your *book* this
year?" he repeated, glancing at Harry's book.
Harry put a protective hand over the book, feeling very uncomfortable. "Yes
sir." He'd said it, so he was just going to go with it. "I'm finding it quite
informative."
"The… *book*?" Snape frowned at Harry's hand. "That book?"
"Yes." Harry leaned on the book, not wanting to share it really.
"You seem particularly protective of said book. What on earth do you think I'm
going to do with it, *steal* it?"
"Of course not." Maybe, or look inside and tell him he couldn't have it. Who
knew what Snape might do? Snape was Snape.
"Good. I have no interest in another copy of that particular book. I have to
assume there is something inside it which is holding your attention when five
years of books written by the same author didn't. I won't begrudge you some
entertainment."
Harry managed a quick smile. There certainly was something different inside the
book. "So, what's next?"
"Next is me making a lesson plan. While I'm working on that, I suggest you
familiarize yourself with the ingredients cabinet. Go from the top to the
bottom and make a list of what each ingredient is. There are no labels, so it
should take some time to figure some of them out. Do this without opening
anything. Make your list based on bottle and what you can see by looking
through the glass. Pay close attention to the coloration of the ingredients as
well as their state." Snape motioned to the large cabinet as he frowned and
began to work with the parchment in front of him.
"Right." That sounded near impossible. Harry took his book and put it away in
his bag before leaving the table. Hermione didn't like how attached he was to
it but he couldn't really help it. The dread regarding the ingredients started
to lift as he knew more than expected. Soon he was so absorbed in the task that
he lost track of time completely.
He was about half way through the cabinet when a warm hand settled on his
shoulder. "Potter," Snape's voice came softly to him.
He jumped a bit, nearly unsettling a couple bottles as he did. The hand made
him feel really strange. Had Snape ever touched him before? He turned. "What?"
"It's time to stop," Snape said, removing his hand as he looked down into
Harry's eyes. "I tried calling your name but you didn't seem aware."
"Oh, I was just, um, concentrating." He hadn't heard Snape? Why did Snape
touching him make him feel so strange?
"Concentrating so hard on potions ingredients you aren't able to hear someone
calling your name? Are you possessed this year Potter?" Snape asked, and he
seemed to actually be considering it.
"I think someone would have noticed it if I was." Harry felt himself flush at
the suggestion.
"One would think," Snape murmured as his eyes searched Harry's face for a few
moments. Finally he took a step back, moving out of Harry's space. "You can
clean up and go. I'll see you Monday here for your next Potions lesson."
"Right, thanks." It was like he'd been freed from a trance or something and
Harry was able to retrieve his bag and leave. Being so close to Snape though,
what had that intense feeling meant?
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry went to the library looking for Hermione. Dumbledore was happy with the
information he'd gotten out of Slughorn, but it was still bothering him. There
was something about it.
She was sitting in the back surrounded by stacks of books, so involved she
didn't even notice when Harry came near.
"Which project is this?" He sat down across from her.
"Oh!" She looked up at Harry. Blinking owlishly at him for a moment, she looked
around her and said, "Each stack is a different project. Why? Did you need
something in particular?"
He shrugged. "No, I just want to add to your projects."
"I see." She sat up straight and nodded. "What's going on?"
"I talked to Slughorn and got what Dumbledore was after, but I don't understand
a few things. Like the number seven, I guess it's magical or something."
"Oh yes Harry! Seven is a very specific number filled with all kinds of magical
properties. It's good luck and that’s based on centuries of study and research.
Why?"
"It's also considered pure isn't it? I feel like someone said that around me
once, since it's indivisible it's untouchable?"
"Exactly," she nodded her head vigorously. "And a lot of magical things happen
in sevens. Some of the most powerful wizards and witches have seven syllables.
You have seven years in the school, you’re an adult at seventeen. There are a
lot of occurrences of seven."
"So what I'm thinking is seven wouldn't work out for an evil purpose. I don't
have any proof, but the thought just felt right when I had it, you know?"
"Well," she frowned and tilted her head to one side for a moment. "I don't
know. Seven is magical, but I'm not sure it's specifically good magical, just
stronger. I…" She paused and looked him closely. "That's what you meant when it
came to more projects, isn't it? You knew I was going to end up researching the
number and evil versus good."
Harry nodded, leaning forward and saying especially softly, "Voldemort did a
clearly evil thing seven times, or at least we think he did, but I wonder if
that would work like he expected. The corruption of the act might counteract
the magic of the number."
“Do you think that would mean that the item itself would hold no power, or that
it simply wouldn't work?" she asked, leaning forward herself.
"I don't know. What I'm hoping is that with the opposite of lucky being unlucky
it will make it easier to destroy the things, but besides that no extra power
will have been gained by the number. Oh, and the book was one of the seven. You
know, Ginny's diary?"
"Oh." She considered that. "I see. So, this is in relation to the Horcrux thing
I've been researching and getting nothing on, isn't it?"
Harry nodded, "So it was pretty unlucky how that just showed up where there
were people to destroy it. That's what I mean. It was really dangerous, but I'm
sure Voldemort would never have meant for it to go here. Malfoy probably had
orders to keep it safe, too, so it seems odd, the whole thing."
"That's true. So do you think that maybe the power is rebounding and making it
so the items in question are easier to destroy?"
"Or at least more easily in reach, yes."
"What does that mean to you Harry?" she asked with raised eyebrows. "Do you
think Headmaster Dumbledore is wrong about what's happening with them?"
Harry nodded. "He thinks they need to be eliminated before Voldemort can be
killed. I'm not so sure."
"Why not? Because they're already slowly being destroyed?"
"No, because they don't hold any extra power. I mean yes, he can come back
using them, but only if the proper conditions are met. He hasn't explained them
to his followers or Malfoy wouldn't have planted one on Ginny. So no one knows
how to activate them. I just think... kill him, then destroy them, you know?"
Harry shifted and looked out the window. He might be crazy, but the Horcrux's
felt like a distraction from the point.
"Oh. Right. And probably every time Voldemort comes back from a Horcrux he is
less powerful, yes? I can't imagine it can possibly be he's just as powerful
each time, right?"
"There, you see? I really don't think we're focussing on the right thing but
Dumbledore thinks the Horcrux's have made him too strong to kill because of the
number thing. I'm not so sure."
"Harry," she looked at him with concern. "You are aware that the Headmaster is
much older, wiser, and powerful than either of us, right? I think he might have
a better grasp on things than we do."
"Really? No Hermione, it never occurred to me, that's why I've rushed off to
fight Voldemort immediately without asking you to look into this." He'd noticed
that his emotions were pretty wild these days. The words sort of popped out
without a pause for him to think about them first.
She leaned back and stared at him. "You do know I’ll look into it. Of course I
will. You don't have to snap at me."
"Sorry." He shook his head, "That just sort of came out. Look, I'm aware the
adults have more experience, but I have a feeling so..." he shrugged, not
wanting to say something that upset her.
"I understand that." She reached out and lightly took one of his hands. "I'll
look into it. Your feelings have often gotten us where we need to go, so I
trust you. I'm just not certain."
"Yeah, thanks." Harry sighed. He looked out the window again, thinking he
should go and let her get something done. Instead of leaving he asked, "What's
your favorite potions book?"
"My favorite potions book?" she asked in surprise. She looked around and
finally pulled a book out from a stack. "This one. it's incredibly detailed
about brewing and creating new potions and what to look for when you do so.
Why?"
Harry ran his hand over it, wondering why himself. A part of him just thought
he might want to read something about potions he'd never read before. "Do you
need it?"
"No, not specifically, I was trying to…" she trailed off and frowned. "I was
testing a theory is all."
He had no idea what that meant. "Can I use it then? I want to see if I can
stand reading about potions from somewhere other than... my textbook."
"Yes, you can. I'd like to hear what you think of that particular book
actually." She had a gleam in her eyes when she looked at him.
Harry shrugged, "Sure, I'll let you know." He stood up. "See you later."
"Yes Harry, take care." Hermione turned her attention back to her stacks of
books.
Chapter End Notes
     I - moondansr - will be having a difficult week with a turn around
     from second shift to first tomorrow. I might get 5 hours of sleep if
     I'm really lucky, probably less. Then I'll most likely work 10 days
     in a row. Please be forgiving if updates are slow. Since I do the
     editing a slow down wouldn't be surprising. Day shift is so much more
     busy than second shift that I won't be able to sneak in my updates at
     work (most likely).
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry sat outside under a tree pretty far from the school that Sunday reading
the potions book he'd borrowed from Hermione. He was dreading the next week
when he would find out who the other father of the baby was. His baby.
Sometimes it was so hard to think of it as his, even though it was inside of
him.
The book seemed at first to be just as boring as every text about potions was.
Past the foreward, the book began explaining the role of potions in school and
how it wasn't taken seriously enough. Parts of it were sarcastic but hilarious
and Harry was able to read more easily as he progressed. The author was snarky,
explaining things in a dry manner that sounded kind of familiar to Harry.
This was something that had been bugging him with the Prince too. In fact, as
his classes with Snape progressed he felt more and more like all things potions
reminded him of the Prince but it was less the stuff and more the way it was
said. Impatiently, Harry took the book and flipped it, searching the spine for
the author’s name. The spine said that the book in question was written by a
Hellen Monaco.
Hellen Monaco? Harry wondered how old she was and whether she'd gone to
Hogwarts. For that matter he wondered if she knew Snape. He opened the book to
the table of contents and scanned them, then went to a section about brewing
healing potions. The Prince had had a few things to say about that and he
wanted to see what this author might come up with.
Harry found as he looked over the section that parts of the book by Hellen were
almost word for word things that the Prince had written in the margins of his
book. On top of that a lot of the modifications were the same as the Prince’s.
Harry frowned. Maybe the Prince really was a girl? That just felt so wrong. He
wrestled with it for a while before snapping the book closed. It wasn't his
idea of how to spend a Sunday, but he was going to have to go to the library.
He was part way back to the castle when Malfoy ran right into him. Malfoy's
head was down, and he was running towards the lake. As Malfoy fell back onto
the ground Harry heard the breath go out of him. After taking a deep breath in
Malfoy said, "What are you…?" Then he looked up, saw Harry and stopped.
"Doing? Just walking forward until you put a stop to it." Harry offered a hand
to help him up. "You okay?"
"Yes," Malfoy said, taking the hand and standing. He looked around, not saying
anything as his face flushed a bit. "Sorry. I wasn't…" he shrugged.
Harry looked around too and seeing no one at all around said, "Trying to kill
the baby? It's okay, don't even know if I want it or not anyhow."
There was a brief moment of silence, then Malfoy snickered. "You know that
wasn't what I was trying to do."
"Yeah, but you don't seem to want to say so..." Harry shrugged.
Malfoy shook his head. "I'm just having an off day, that’s all. You?"
"Honestly? I'm bloody confused. Does every Potions Master sound exactly the
same?"
Malfoy snorted. "Not at all. For one, I don't think I've ever seen or heard
anyone sound like Professor Snape. Some are very formal in their language, some
are very detailed. Why?"
Harry took a deep breath and shook his head, then he sighed. "When did we start
talking like this? Oh right, that was my fault. Why is it so easy to talk to
you about this stuff?"
Malfoy raised his eyebrows at Harry. "I'm sorry, do you really want an answer
to that? Because I sure don't know it."
“Yeah." Harry pulled out the book. "Well, it's this book. I was trying to read
something different from another one, because the other one was reminding me of
Snape, but this one sounds dead on like the other."
Malfoy looked at the book in question and then at Harry. "That particular book
is written by Professor Snape… so it ought to sound like him."
"No, it's written by Hellen Monaco," Harry replied.
“That's Professor Snape's pen name, but I didn't tell you that," he said
quickly, holding up his hands.
Harry blinked at him. His mind made connections, a lot of connections very
quickly. Finally he asked, "Does it make sense for him to have once called
himself the Half-Blood Prince?"
Malfoy's lips pursed and he looked around again, a few times. "Where… did you
hear that from?"
That sort of reaction made Harry think he shouldn’t have mentioned it. On the
other hand here was someone who knew something and since he’d given away that
much Harry pressed on. "The other book I was talking about."
"How do you have a book by the Half-Blood Prince?" Malfoy asked, eyes
narrowing.
"It's not by him exactly, he just wrote in it." Harry tipped his head. "I
didn't steal it or anything, if that's what you're implying. Slughorn gave it
to me."
“Then Slughorn doesn't have any idea what he gave you." Malfoy looked around
yet again, then grabbed Harry's arm, pulling him further from the castle. "I
can't believe you have his book. That's priceless. I assume it's the textbook,
since Slughorn gave it to you. Would you show me sometime?"
"It's Snape's, isn't it?" Malfoy had yet to say so, but it seemed more and more
likely.
"Of *course* it's Professor Snape," Malfoy hissed. "That was the name he gave
himself when he was in school. His mother was a pureblood."
"I don't get it, and yes, you can see the book as long as you promise to give
it back." Harry allowed Malfoy to guide him away from the school.
"Of course I'll give it back, I won't *take* it from you, that's too
dangerous!”
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Dangerous how?"
"Everyone would want it Potter. It's like…" he frowned and let go of Harry
finally. "It's like getting a piece of Merlin's notes. Everyone knows he wrote
in his books, no one's ever found them."
"Oh." Harry thought that over. He could see how the Prince’s rambling notations
might be highly sought after. Oh bloody hell, the Prince was Snape, Snape was
the Prince! "Why Prince, I mean that doesn't sound like a name he'd choose for
anything."
"That's his mum's pureblood name," Malfoy said as though that should have been
obvious.
"Prince? Their name was Prince?" Who gave up a name like that? "He should
change his name."
"He can't. Not really. The family disowned his mum. He's not allowed to take
their name or have claim to their family status."
"Seriously? So, do they have some other heir or something?" They might not and
in that case some outsider would probably inherit everything when they died.
That seemed sad for Snape, who probably hadn’t even been born when his mum was
disowned.
"No. The Prince family only had her, and she went after a stupid, idiot
muggle," Malfoy sneered. "She should have known better."
"Was he really that bad? I mean she must have loved him an awful lot knowing
the consequences."
"He was awful, the worst kind of muggle. If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill
him myself." His lips became a straight line and his eyes were dark.
"How do you know so much about him?"
"About Professor Snape?" Malfoy turned away for a few moments before looking
back at Harry again. "He's my godfather."
He'd meant about Snape's father, but that answer really hit him. "Oh." Why
hadn't that possibility ever occurred to him? "So, come on. There's this tree
no one really goes near. If you want to see the book, let's go there."
"Oh what?" Malfoy asked as he followed Harry. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Harry shrugged. "Well, I guess that makes sense. I mean he's Slytherin and so
is your whole family. Besides that there's the Death Eater thing."
"What Death Eater thing," Malfoy hissed, looking around again.
"Snape, your father, now you. You're pretty paranoid about this aren't you. Who
are you worried about hearing?" Harry stopped at the tree and sat down. "Do you
want me to cast some spells so people can't hear us? I actually know a really
good one."
"No, it's just…" Malfoy sighed and sat down next to Harry. "It's just… no one
is supposed to know. I've had to keep it a secret. No one here besides
Professor Snape knows, and that's how it's supposed to be. I can't get used to
talking about it."
"Bad decision if you ask me," Harry slipped the potions text out of his bag,
"not that you ever would." He offered it to Malfoy.
Malfoy took it gingerly, almost as if he was afraid to hurt the book. "You
think I should talk about it, or you're saying I shouldn't have in the first
place?"
"You shouldn't have in the first place. He's not going to win this war." Harry
thought the odds were pretty well against it. There were a lot of good people
working on the Phoenix side of things.
"How do you know?" Malfoy asked as he opened the book and began looking through
it. "He has a lot going for him."
"Yeah, but so does the other side. Besides, he's nutters, that's bound to work
against him."
"He is that," Malfoy agreed, then he paused and looked over at Harry. "I…
didn't just… well, you know."
"I know what?"
“You know I didn't just speak down about the Dark Lord," Malfoy said with a
sneer. "You don't get subtlety, do you?"
Harry shook his head. "Not at all."
"I'll remember that." Now he was focused on the book entirely, fingers running
reverently over the marks on the edges, the words the Half-Blood Prince had put
to paper.
Harry smiled slightly remembering the first time he'd read from it. How strange
to know that Malfoy nearly worshipped the thing. "You know, he's your
godfather, I mean the things in there are still in him. You have a lot better
than a book." A lot... better than a book? Snape was mean spirited, difficult,
even cruel sometimes. When did he start thinking of the man as anything more
than those things?
“He's just looking out for himself right now." Malfoy frowned. A little bit of
time passed before he looked up at Harry. "He's forgotten what it's like to be
this person." He tapped the book. "This one right here. Everything's so wrapped
up in his mind, he can't remember what it's like to be…" Malfoy took a breath.
"Young."
Harry frowned, "I don't know about that." He couldn’t say why he felt that way
though, so he fell silent.
Malfoy's brows raised. "What makes you think otherwise?"
"You had to ask." It was like having a conversation with Hermione. Malfoy
didn't let anything go. Harry strained to find the reason behind his feeling.
Finally he came up with something. "Well, I recognized a similarity between
those notes and my lessons with him, and some of what's in that book is
verbatim in the one I showed you from the library."
"So he was more adult when he was in school." Malfoy shrugged. "Mean's
nothing."
"It means he hasn't forgotten who he was so much as you think." Harry sighed.
"Honestly I think he just enjoys giving people a hard time."
"Well, of course." Malfoy leaned back and looked at the book again. "He wrote
that potions book years ago. He had to, to pass the final test for Potions
Mastery."
"Oh." Harry's mind was on Snape again and the puzzle that the man presented
consumed his attention. There was silence for a time as Malfoy flipped through
the pages.
"You didn't know he past the seven tests of Potions Mastery, did you?"
Harry shrugged, "I didn't even know there were seven tests. You know when he
isn't focussed on being a git, he's a really good teacher."
Malfoy snorted again. "Of course he is." He looked at Harry. "If he was awful
he wouldn't have ever offered to take this position."
"No, I mean..." Harry shook his head. How could he put it? "I mean if he just
acted more like he really is, people would learn a lot more. He's really
sarcastic and witty sometimes."
"He's witty all the time, Potter." Malfoy smirked. "He's only sarcastic
sometimes."
Harry rolled his eyes. "We're just going to have to disagree on this." It made
him want to watch Snape more closely though, and he would be doing that. He
still had a regular class with him after all.
"If you say so." Malfoy shrugged and looked back at the book.
Harry slipped out the library book, returned to his original place in it and
resumed reading. He easily lost track of time, and the two of them ended up
spending hours quietly reading together under the tree.
Chapter End Notes
     Thank you all for your patience! I'm on my seventh day of work in a
     row but I'm back to second shift which makes me very, very happy. I
     hope you've enjoyed the chapter and look forward to sending out
     another tomorrow.
     -moondansr
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry was in Madam Pomfrey's room for his usual check up. When the exam was
over, she leaned back and took a breath. "So Harry, you know it's time, yes?"
"Right, the other father. How does this work?" Harry had been trying not to
think about it for a while. Who would it be? If Voldemort did this and Malfoy
was right it could be any Death Eater he wanted more power over.
"Well, Professor Snape has carefully brewed the necessary potion. You're going
to drink it, and then go about the rest of your day. As it works through your
body it will react with the child inside of you and you'll see a glowing path
that will lead you to your child's father. The glow will get brighter as you
get nearer to him. If you reach the gates to Hogwarts and you have not found
the other father, then you will have to take a different potion. Severus has
brewed that one as well. If the father is not near you, then it is likely that
the path will look very dim. Any questions?"
"I guess not." He had no idea where the father would be. "So, I'm the only one
who can see this?" All of the adults seemed skeptical when he told them he
hadn’t had sex. It was a bit disturbing to know that he was the only one
getting hard proof.
"That's right Harry. You're the only one who will be able to see this. Of
course, once you figure out who the father is, we can do appropriate tests to
make certain."
Harry rolled his eyes. "You mean to make sure I'm being honest. It isn't like
the potion's going to malfunction."
"Harry," Madam Pomfrey said as she took a seat and reached out to touch his
arm. "No. That’s not what I mean. Sometimes these potions have a… strong
reaction for people with above average magical potential. They can occasionally
create hallucinations or make you think that someone is talking to you when
there isn’t anyone there. That was the next part I was going to tell you."
"What? What sort of hallucinations? Is it safe for the baby?" Of course it must
be, but it was sounding sort of dangerous.
"Yes, of course it's safe, we wouldn't endanger either of you. The
hallucinations can be mild, such as seeing people who aren't there, or
occasionally thinking you're somewhere you aren't. Or they can be very vivid,
like believing you are in a large house with three children around you sipping
ice tea as the other father is fishing in the lake nearby." She shrugged. "We
had to tell her for weeks it hadn't happened."
"Nice, so either a glowing path or just about anything?" Well that fit in with
the rest of his life, didn't it? "Okay, let's do this."
"You're sure Harry? You're ready for this?"
"It's not like there's any real choice. Otherwise, you have to just start
testing every male in the school and then outside it, if that doesn't work,
right? I mean we need to know."
“I know, I just wanted to make certain you were ready." She stood and walked
over to a table, grabbing a potion bottle and setting it down in front of
Harry. "Here you are then. Open that up and drink it down."
The scent of parchment, potions fumes and burning wood wafted up to him when he
opened the bottle. He tipped it into his mouth, trying not to breath as he
drank it down.
It was like liquid fire rushing down his throat. There was a pulse where he
thought maybe it was hitting every cell in his veins, and then, before he could
even cry out from pain, it was over. He was suddenly cool and there was a dark
green path on the ground, shining against the stone.
“Green," Harry commented, setting the bottle down and following after the path.
Since it was dark he thought it might just lead him to the gates, but he might
as well follow it. Dark was different from dim, right?
"Green?" Madam Pomfrey said curiously, then she looked around. "Harry, are you
already seeing something?"
He'd already started walking. "Uh huh, follow it, right?" He paused.
"That's right Harry. I'll be here when you're done." He could hear her licking
her lips, but the path was throbbing a little and he knew he had to follow it.
He nodded as he left, walking along the path more quickly. Would it disappear
if he took too long? He didn't want to risk that.
Harry wound through the hallways, the green getting brighter as he went, the
throbbing more intense. Someone said something to him, but he barely even knew
they were there.
He went up and down stairs, threaded through endless corridors finally stopping
at a door. The path going under it was the same shade of green as his eyes now,
with lines of silver threading through it. It was really quite beautiful.
The door opened with ease when he tried it, and the path curled around a desk
and pulsed around an aura that was surrounding someone.
"Excuse me, Potter," Snape's dry voice said. "I'm in a private meeting."
Harry's eyes went right to Snape. As he stared at him, a shiver went through
his entire body. "Silver and green, sorry, I'll leave."
He didn't move though. It was too startling he supposed. Snape stared at him
for several, quiet moments, then he stood and came around the desk. The glow
ended at his feet and seemed to rush up his body in licks of green flame.
Snakes swirled around, their silver bodies moving and hissing at him. 'It's
him,' one snake said as it winked a red eye at Harry.
'He is the one,' said another. 'You know he is the one.'
'He will take care of you.'
'He will provide.'
'He will *kill* for you,' one hissed, its voice so sharp Harry could not doubt
it.
"I believe you should come see me in a few hours Draco. I suspect I need to
take Potter to the Healer's Ward," Snape said smoothly.
"I'm supposed to return to the Healer's Ward," Harry agreed, feeling a bit
unsteady. The snakes really liked Snape. He liked Snape too. No, that wasn't
quite right. He didn't hate Snape anymore.
"In a moment," Snape snapped. Malfoy was up and out of the room an instant
later. Snape closed the door behind Malfoy, positioning himself between Harry
and the door. When he turned to Harry his eyes were flashing.
"What do you see?" he hissed.
"There was a green path and then it had silver in it. When you stood up I saw
it ended there and a bunch of snakes have gathered around you. They say... a
lot of things." Harry wasn't sure he should share all that.
Snape's lips were a thin, flat line. "You must be joking."
Harry shook his head. "I'm not." The full weight of it was starting to settle
in. Snape was the father of the baby inside him. Even though it made logical
sense, that was just crazy. "Guess Voldemort thinks he needs something extra
for you to worry about or something."
"Don't say that name," Snape hissed, reaching forward and grabbing Harry's
arms, shaking him. The snakes around Snape twined and twisted, hissing as they
said unintelligent words like "yes," and "no" and something that sounded like
"fear". "I told you once before Potter, don’t say his name in front of me. Do I
need to take House Points?” His eyes, dark pools that usually showed nothing
searched Harry's face, and there were emotions boiling under the surface that
Harry couldn't pick out.
"Dumbledore says we should call people by their names.” Harry found that
Snape’s insistence he not do what seemed so natural to him made him uncertain.
"Not Him." Snape's pale face was very close and his fingers dug into Harry’s
shoulders. "You're certain. Your lines have led you here, to me?"
"It'd be pretty hard to mistake all of that. You have the snakes all riled up."
As an after thought he added, "You're hurting me."
Suddenly Snape was across the room, leaving Harry staggering as the support of
the other man was gone. His back was towards Harry, fists clenched tightly as
he stared out a window. "That is impossible," he whispered, back tense and
straight.
Harry stumbled a bit and caught himself on the wall. The snakes might not be
all that well informed. Snape didn't seem very into protecting or taking care
of him. He steadied himself and watched Snape try to sort stuff out. "I
remember saying the same thing to you."
"You don't understand!" Snape snapped.
"Okay." Although that didn’t really tell Harry anything and he hoped Snape
would explain what he meant.
"To be able to control himself at that time, to make it so that things lined up
just so… I didn't think he had that kind of control anymore," Snape was
mumbling now, Harry barely able to hear what he was saying, and none of it made
any sense.
"So... you're upset because you underestimated His control?" Harry guessed.
"I am angry for a lot of reasons Potter," Snape said. "That is one of the
biggest ones right now." Harry could see the snakes licking up Snape's sides,
wrapping around him to lean their heads against him. It was almost like they
were trying to comfort him.
Harry watched in fascination, wondering if the snakes were always there. He had
no idea what to do for Snape. There was probably nothing he could do.
"You can't say anything to anyone yet," Snape said, and now his voice was firm.
He turned around and looked over at Harry. "Do you understand me? No one. Not a
single person. I… I have to think about this."
Chapter End Notes
     Sorry this is so late tonight. Stormlyht has convinced me to add the
     slow build tag. If you think of another tag this story ought to have
     please leave it in the comments. I'm not the best when it comes to
     tagging.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Harry sighed and helped himself to the chair Malfoy had abandoned. "Madam
Pomfrey is waiting for me. I don't care, but I hope you have a better plan than
not telling anyone by the time I leave this room."
"Of course I will," Snape snapped. His eyes scanned Harry’s face carefully. "Do
you want to keep it?"
For a while Harry just stared. He'd thought about getting rid of it. Hermione
had suggested it, so of course his mind had considered the idea. He hated how
indignant he sounded when he replied, "Do you want to get rid of it?"
"I want to know what you want Potter. Tell me first and I will tell you what I
want after." He crossed his arms and frowned at Harry.
A few moments passed as Harry calmed himself. "Yes, I want to keep it." When
he’d pushed himself to imagine getting rid of the baby, really getting rid of a
life that was inside of him, he’d finally realized how that felt. This baby was
definitely his family and when he accepted that, the idea of aborting it
disappeared. Family was too important to him, his family.
“I don't." Snape turned away and began to pace in front of his desk. "It is a
weight around our necks that very well could kill us."
"It's alive, no matter who made it that way. I can't think of it like that. It
isn't a strategy, it's a baby." He tried to say it all calmly, so he didn't
sound like Ron.
"It's a strategy to me!" Snape hissed. His hands were clenched together so
tightly Harry could see the skin get white and sharply red where the fingers
were laced. "Of course it's a strategy to me."
Harry wondered about that but chose not to mention. "I'm not getting rid of
it."
"You won't reconsider? You're in the middle of a war. Anything horrible that
can possibly happen, likely will. This child may be doomed to live a parentless
life, as you were." Snape raised his eyebrows at Harry.
"I guess we'll just have to stay alive." If they didn't Hermione, Ron or the
Weasleys in general would definitely step in. No muggle parents for his child.
"You can't predict that you’ll survive," Snape said affronted. "I can't predict
that *I* will."
Harry shrugged, then realized the rare opportunity that he had here. "Why don't
we just make a plan to kill him, instead of hunting down Horcrux's?"
Snape shook his head. "You must be insane. What on earth do you think talking
to me about this will accomplish?"
"Probably not less than talking to Hermione and Ron about it. Dumbledore won't
share, maybe you will. It's worth a try."
Sitting down on the edge of his desk, Snape waved a hand at Harry. "Alright
Potter. Tell me, how do you propose to kill the Dark Lord?"
"I still haven't figured out how I'm supposed to love him to death, and my wand
is less than effective. Maybe I could distract him while five or six people hit
him with killing curses? Someone's bound to hit. Six would be good since I
would make seven and that's supposed to be the magic number."
Raised eyebrows met his words and Snape shrugged. "I don't think that's going
to work Potter. Perhaps you should spend some time thinking about it."
"I have. When we cast at each other the wands lock, sort of. He'd be too busy
fighting me off to counter all that too." It seemed a bit much to just dismiss
him out of hand. He was used to it, but that didn’t mean he liked it.
"You want to lock his wand with yours so other people can send killing curses
at him? You do realize you’d be making a murderer out of one of those people
this way, don’t you? Be careful who you chose to help you with this task."
Harry sighed. "Fine, they can disable him then I'll use the killing curse once
I can get past his wand. I think I'm angry enough to be able to do it." Maybe.
After all, the man was using a helpless baby as a strategy.
"Potter, you're not angry enough to do that." Snape sighed and looked away.
"I think I might be." He didn't want to sulk, but it sounded sort of sulky.
There had to be some way of dealing with Voldemort, so he wasn't always over
his head.
"You sound like a petulant child right now, Potter. Which is basically what you
are."
"I'm tired, is what I am. Something's wrong with Dumbledore's hand, it's not
healing, and he won't talk about it. I keep having to do things to help with
this V... just what do you want me to call him anyhow??? Malfoy is having a
hard time with something and I probably don't even want him to accomplish it.
Now there's a baby and you want me to be reasonable and get rid of it when all
I've ever wanted is a family, not that it matters what I want, and I *know*
that, but sometimes I just don't care." It all just sort of poured out of him
as it often did these days.
Snape stared at him for several long moments before he turned back to Harry and
took a step forward. He loosely placed an arm around Harry. "You are aware you
have a family here, right Potter?"
That felt really strange and warm and oddly comforting. Harry shook his head.
"That's not the same. I have friends here, for the first time ever, and people
who care, but they can all leave as easily as be here. I'm just supposed to
save the world, and that's the main reason I'm so interesting to a lot of
them."
"That is not the reason you are so interesting to the Weasley's and Granger,
and you know that." Snape’s voice was oddly gentle.
"Those are my friends, like I said."
"People can form bonds that are stronger than friend or family. That’s the sort
of thing you have with Weasley and Granger. They are closer than just friends
Potter, you know that, or you would if you were thinking clearly." His other
arm came up around Harry, pulling him closely against his chest. Harry could
hear the steady thump of Snape’s heart through the fabric.
"How would I know? They're the first friends I've ever had and they feel like
friends. That seems important enough to me. I'm not saying I'm not important, I
said I'm not family. If Ginny and me ended up in the Healer's the Weasley's
would go to see her first and that's normal for families. I wouldn't want them
to change that, I just don't have anyone where I'm first and I'm used to that.
I really don't know how we ended up talking about this. It doesn't matter
anyhow. Really not important." He leaned against Snape, liking the way it felt
to be held by the other man and not wanting to over analyze that. It was so
rare for him to get to lean on anyone.
Snape had one hand on Harry’s head, hand lightly stroking his hair. The other
was wrapped around Harry’s waist, a firm presence that was comforting. ‘Yes,’ a
snake hissed, twining around Snape’s arm and poking it’s head in Harry’s face.
‘His.’
The snakes hadn’t had anything to say for a while. It was a bit startling, and
the message didn’t seem so much to be that the baby was Snape’s as it was that
Harry was. That was more than Harry was ready to process. He tried not to think
about it too much.
"Of course it matters,” Snape said softly. “It's what's making you think about
having a child at sixteen. You're really not ready for that kind of commitment,
you know that. I'm also certain you would find a much better person to have
children with than me."
Yeah, probably, although he was starting to like Snape in an odd way and he
felt protective of the child that was there. "Didn't get much of a choice here.
It's just keep or get rid of. At least it's likely to be really smart."
"I'm not sure," Snape drawled. "That depends on how much of me it has it in."
The hand against Harry’s head lightly ruffled the hair.
"I'm not stupid." Oddly, Harry felt like Snape might know that, even though he
kept acting like he didn't.
"Oh?" Snape asked, sounding surprised. "Are you certain of that?"
"Yeah, I am." Harry laughed softly, finding what would normally annoy him quite
funny. Didn't he usually get really defensive and uptight over that sort of
thing? Well, part of it was the way Snape was saying it this time, but that
wasn't everything. Maybe it had something to do with the snakes.
"If you say so Potter." Snape snorted. "Which house would you want it to be in
then? Gryffindor I assume."
Harry shrugged. "Doesn't matter, but all things considered it'll probably be in
Slytherin. Assuming that time ever comes and a Malfoy doesn't royally piss it
off just before sorting."
"You do realize that it would be acquainted with the Malfoy's prior to getting
on the train. No child of mine will be unaware of the people I consider to be
family."
"That doesn’t mean a Malfoy couldn't piss it off. They're bloody good at making
people angry. Since you know them so well I have to assume you know that."
"Of course I know that. I have certainly had plenty of fights with Lucius over
time, not to mention the ones I've had with Draco." Severus stiffened around
Harry. "We’re actually talking about this."
Harry nodded. "Do you want to stop? We don't have to talk about it, but... I
don't mind that it's yours. That's better than... a lot of people."
There was silence for a moment. "Potter, this is not going to be an easy thing
for me to handle. I can't imagine you really want my child, but you’re correct.
It could be much worse."
"Well I don't really know you, do I? Most of the people here don't. You don't
let people know you." That was what he was learning from the text, from the
other book, from his private lessons.
"You’re not supposed to know me Potter. You’re not supposed to want to." He
took a deep breath. "I’ll have to speak with the Headmaster."
Harry had been getting that idea. "Yeah, I suppose you will." Dumbledore was
the coordinator of everything, like a spider with a web. "Do... do you know
what's going on with his hand?"
"Yes Potter, I know what's going on with his hand. If he doesn’t wish to speak
with you about it, then I cannot."
Trying to look at Snape, Harry backed away. He didn't see any sign of what
Snape was thinking in his face. "Fine, but I don't think he's really okay, and
I really want to know what's going to happen if he stops controlling all of
this. Everything is so tightly in his hands and if he gets sick or..." He
couldn't say it, but if Dumbledore died, what would happen? He was obviously
quite old.
"You were never very good at chess Potter, so I can’t explain this to you in
any way that would make sense. What I can say is that Dumbledore is not the
King in this game. If he falls, the game will continue." Snape held Harry's
gaze, but he couldn't read anything in those eyes.
He knew though, somewhere deep inside of himself, that Snape was right. "The
world is not a chess board."
"No. It's not. Which is why you can only predict so far." Snape’s hand left
Harry’s hair and brushed across his cheek. "This situation isn’t anything we
would have expected, for instance. Do you want me to stay out of it?"
"Stay out of what?" Harry's mind was too busy thinking about that hand, gentle
on his cheek, so nice. What was wrong with him? The touch was so foreign and he
was really confused with it coming from Snape. It was like the man cared about
him.
"Do you plan to raise this child on your own? Do you wish for me to stay out of
it's life?"
"What? No. Why would I want that? You're related to it too. Would you... want
that?" He had a point in a way. What would people think? Would they think he'd
had sex with Snape? His eyes widened at the thought and an odd tingling warmth
struck him.
"You and I don't exactly get along, nor do we like each other. It would be
understandable if you didn’t wish for me to parent. Ah, or would you prefer to
hand the child over once you have given birth? It won’t be easy to raise a
child while you’re only sixteen. Giving it to me might be better for you.
Having a child in school is no easy feat." Snape said all of it with a very
steady gaze, no inflection at all in the words.
Harry stared back and his mind, catching up with the conversation, noticed what
Snape was doing. "You didn't answer my other question and I'm not answering
more of yours until you do."
Snape raised an eyebrow. "Really? Which question do you wish to be answered
again?"
"Would you want to stay out of this child's life?" Harry replied right away.
Snape seemed to be a master at the adult thing where they didn't acknowledge
their own feelings and pried into other peoples'.
There were several moments of staring before Snape moved, his hand slipping
from Harry's cheek and waist as he did so. As he moved away he looked
elsewhere, saying nothing. Harry missed the contact right away, but he didn't
say anything because he knew how odd that contact was. He didn't want to think
about what it meant. It might be as simple as Snape trying to comfort him or as
complicated as Snape hoping to keep him from asking the sort of question he'd
just asked. At any rate he didn't feel like he had any right to complain.
Finally, Snape moved to his desk, looking down at it and running a hand across
the surface. "I think it might be best if I wasn't," he said softly.
"Why?"
"I'm not exactly a good man Potter. I'm not sure I should be in any young
child's life. Especially right now."
Harry looked down at the ground. Remembering the words of the snakes saying he
was the one, he would take care of Harry, provide, kill for Harry. When he
looked for them he noticed they seemed shadowy now, no longer solid. Were they
just a hallucination? If they were, what was it based on? "What makes a person
hallucinate when they take that potion? Are the hallucinations based on
anything?"
Snape looked sharply up at Harry. "What did Poppy say to you about it?"
"I'm asking the Potions Master, not Madam Pomfrey, and I'd like it if you were
just honest with me or I'll have to ask Hermione to do another research
project, and she's already up to her eyeballs in them." Harry kept expecting
her to finally reject one eventually and tell him to figure it out himself.
Standing up straight, Snape looked Harry up and down and then crossed his arms.
"I’m usually honest with you. The hallucinations are related to the
relationship between the two people, and their magical compatibility. Sometimes
there is a bit of sight, if the person in question has any sight to speak of.
They can be a representation of the characteristics of the person they are
leading the pregnant person to. There are many things that could contribute to
the hallucinations Potter."
"You were stalling, by asking what Madam Pomfrey said." Harry thought all of
that over and then said, "You won't be a bad influence, and I don't want to
give up the baby in any way. I want to always be part of its life."
"Fine. Then you shall." He nodded at Harry. "That seems like the best move."
"It does? I thought you were against me having it at all."
"I am, but if you insist on having it, you should keep it."
"Alright." Harry had no idea where to go from there. He was having the baby,
and he wanted Snape to be part of it's life. None of that told him what to do
next.
"We shouldn’t tell the general student body that I am the other father."
Snape's eyes traveled around the room. "I assume the Headmaster will make the
final decision, but I will make certain he knows where I stand on this front."
Harry could understand where he was coming from. "People would think things
that just aren't true. That makes sense." He was a student, Snape was a hated
teacher in general. Who knew what people would suggest? It wouldn't be good,
that was certain.
"Indeed." There was a moment of silence. "I would like to speak to the
Headmaster before you speak with Poppy. I doubt you can keep this information
from your friends. Would you mind seeing them instead of returning to the
Healer's Ward?"
A few moments went by, then Harry grinned. "You know you just told me to ignore
someone in charge and go hang out with my friends, right?"
Snape sneered. "Isn't that what you do normally?"
"No, well sometimes, but that isn't the point, is it?"
"No, it isn't. Yes I am."
After a bit of a laugh, Harry nodded. "Sure, I'll wait. Let me know when to go
to her?"
"I will be sure to send you a message." Snape motioned at the door.
"Great." Harry started towards the door, pausing before he opened it. "By the
way, our magics are surprisingly compatible."
Snape's eyes widened as he stared at Harry. "What?" he whispered.
"The snakes recommended you highly, just saying." With that he opened the door
and left, glad that for once he'd had the last word with Snape.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Severus paced for several moments before he finally managed to compose himself
enough to begin the path to the Headmaster's Office. The walk took a very brief
amount of time, which was rather irritating because his mind was still a whirl
of information. He was very magically compatible with Potter. Potter wanted to
just kill the Dark Lord and Severus thought he could probably actually do that,
given the right circumstances. The Headmaster wasn't going to make it past the
year. He was supposed to be firmly on the Dark Lord's side at that point. He
had a child growing in Harry Potter's body. He was going to be a father. The
Dark Lord knew he was going to find out. What the hell was he to say? How was
he going to keep this all a secret? He couldn't do that, he had to tell the
Dark Lord something. He was going to be a father.
Shaking his head firmly, he knocked on the office door and tried not to balk.
This had to happen. He had no idea what to do this time. He was magically
compatible with Harry Potter, and he was going to be a father.
"Come in, Severus." There was surprise in the Headmaster's voice, an unusual
occurrence. For once he hadn't been expecting Severus' visit.
"We have a problem Headmaster," he said as he entered, closing the door behind
himself and immediately starting to pace. "A rather large one."
"I see, tell me." There was a frown on the Headmaster's face.
"Harry knows the other father now. It's… it's a terrible, terrible situation."
He couldn't stop pacing. How was he going to get through this?
The Headmaster went from a frown to raised eyebrows. "I see. It's better we
know then we don't. Who is it?"
Severus’ heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in his throat. Terrified,
he turned to look at the Headmaster. "Me," he whispered. This was going to turn
out horribly, he knew it.
The frown returned. "You." Severus could see the weight of the situation hit
the Headmaster fully. He was silent for a time. "I see." Obviously he was still
trying to arrange the details in his head. Finally he said, "I was not aware
that Tom had that sort of access to you. Have you formed any sort of bond with
him of late?"
"Of course not!" Severus realized fully in that moment what information he had
given the Headmaster. "I have no bonds with him that I did not in the past."
Bonds were sealed and firm. What he had with the Dark Lord was pain and agony,
occasionally pleasure stemming from disgust. That wasn't a bond. It was
sickening.
"In the past so far back as the beginning of our agreement?"
He was being studied, Severus could feel the Headmaster's eyes on him. Severus
straightened, temporarily still. "Yes." It was something he had done since…
nothing was new between him and the Dark Lord, but he hadn't told this piece of
the puzzle to the Headmaster, he *couldn't*. Now, he had no choice. He refused
to lie.
"I see." Again, he could see the pieces of the puzzle sliding firmly into
place. Finally, "Can you continue with the plan as it’s laid out."
Pursing his lips, Severus hedged. "This changes everything.”
"It could still play out as we've discussed." The suggestion was firm.
"No," Severus shook his head. "You are… asking too much of me." He swallowed,
could he stand up in this way? Against the Headmaster?
The Headmaster’s eyebrows went up. "Am I? What part do you feel is too much?"
"I cannot… you know I never expected to… this child…" He tried to stand firm.
Severus was always forcing himself not to bow under the weight of this life
that was partly his. Yet there was this situation which he’d never expected, a
child carried by the child of the woman he loved, his child. All of it was just
too much. He should have waited before coming here.
For his part the Headmaster remained silent, watching and waiting. Of the two
men who commanded him this one was certainly the most accommodating but would
it be enough, or was he going to refuse Severus any reprieve?
Severus wasn't certain, and he didn't dare press his luck very far. "I wasn’t
expecting to ever have a child. You know that. I can't continue to play out
this role with such an innocent life on the line."
"What would you suggest?" There was a slight edge to the words.
"I haven't had enough time to process the information to come up with a
suitable suggestion." The Headmaster was testing his loyalties. Which was he
concerned about, society as a whole, or whether or not Severus would continue
to serve him? Things were so much more difficult knowing that a child was at
the mercy of people like the Dark Lord.
"I suggest you do. It's understandable for you to feel uncertain, but changing
the plan at this point is going to be difficult. Would you have Draco lose his
innocence? Are you unable to play completely on the other side? There are
people like the Weasleys who will surely keep the child safe."
At that thought, Severus’ eyes widened. "You would too, wouldn't you? You would
have me continue as expected and lose everything. Never mind my desire to help
raise this child, to see it grow up properly. You would allow me to watch the
Weasley's raise it and not get to be a part of it's life at all, so I could
continue this path you have chosen." He tasted bile in the back of his throat.
It sickened him just thinking about it.
There was some silence. "It isn't enough to know the child would be taken care
of and loved?" The Headmaster asked without malice but in a tone that suggested
it was surprising for Severus not to appreciate such things.
There were several moments of silence as Severus looked at the Headmaster.
Finally he felt everything inside of him go cold. Of course. He wasn't a man,
he was a tool. More and more this year he was feeling that was what was
expected of him, and perhaps before he would have thought that was enough. When
had he started having feelings of his own? When had he begun to want things
again? Perhaps at some point during Draco's life, when he watched the baby
become a child, become a teenager, need Severus, push away from him, fight and
argue like a real child might do to their parent. Maybe it was during Potter's
schooling, when he stopped being the brat that was just like his father and
became the brat that wouldn't stop getting himself into trouble. There was true
affection for the boy which he tried to hide, and here was the Headmaster,
questioning him. Of course he had begun to consider a life, outside of the war
and what he could do to stop it, how very inconvenient.
A sick calm settled over him, like the comforting outer robe he wore every day.
The Headmaster wanted Severus to kill him. Why would anything else be taboo? "I
apologize Headmaster," Severus said cooly, his emotions finally in check.
"You're right of course. I will refrain from questioning your plans again." He
still didn't know if he could stay out of it, but he would have to. Somehow he
would have to.
There was a much longer silence and then the Headmaster surprised him. "I need
to know the truth of it, Severus. There's no use shutting down. Tom won't let
things go so easily, he'll surely use this to the fullest extent possible.
You're going to have to tell me how you truly feel or I can't do anything for
you."
Severus could feel his hands begin to tremble as all of his feelings began to
bubble back to the surface. "Headmaster…" he whispered. Finally he walked over
to a chair and placed his hands on the back of it, gripping it tightly, trying
to steady himself.
"Sit," the Headmaster directed, "and think. I shall brew some tea, chamomile I
think." He stood and busied himself with the tea.
The nod he gave the Headmaster was stiff, but Severus obeyed, walking around
the chair to sit. He clasped his hands in his lap and tried to sort through his
mind, the feelings so overwhelming he wasn't sure what was logic and what was
desire. There was so much he could see in Potter's eyes, and maybe that was
part of the problem. Perhaps it stemmed from Potter, this willful disregard of
any plan in order to rush towards what he wanted most. It would be just his
luck to have gained some of Potter's impatience, after all the time he'd spent
learning to wait. Severus was the master of the long game, and he rarely lost
when he set his mind to things.
"He says our magic is very compatible," he blurted, feeling the rush of warmth
and delight he'd felt when Potter had said it, as if the words had just been
spoken to him again.
There was a pause in the tea making, then it resumed. "Interesting, where did
he get that idea from?"
"Apparently there were snakes in his vision and they said good things about
me," Severus drawled. "I can't imagine what on earth they could have said."
"He didn't tell you specifically." There was a bit more silence and then,
"Compatible magic, hm..."
"No. He said the snakes recommended me highly." Severus held his breath for a
moment to steady his heart. "What could that mean?"
"Considering the potion and the situation it could only mean that the two of
you are a better match than anyone would perceive at a glance."
Severus could tell that new ideas were forming in the old man's mind. He
shouldn't have said anything. Certainly nothing good could come of giving too
much information. The Headmaster sifted through information and created plans
from every tidbit available to him. "So it is more likely that our child will
be strong and capable. Of course."
It wasn't all that meant, and Severus knew it, but he was regretting giving
that information out. Although he told the Headmaster almost everything, he
occasionally wished he hadn't.
"Of course." The tea was soon ready and as he set it between them, serving
Severus first, he said. "Perhaps we can try a few spells to remove Harry’s scar
and therefore all that it represents. A strong magical synergy might do what
other magics can't."
Severus stared at the Headmaster for a while. "You think we could do that?" It
would be a good thing for their side if they could remove the link between
Harry and the Dark Lord.
"Possibly. Of course if we accomplish it there will be some threat to your
position. Do you think you can get him to see it our way?"
Severus drank the tea for a while before he finally nodded. "No. Yes, I think I
might be able to." If he could just convince the Dark Lord that Potter had
figured it out on his own, he might be able to use that to his advantage. Twist
reality to improve the lie. Potter came to the Headmaster about the scar. The
Headmaster tried to remove it, using Severus as one of the stronger teachers.
That could work.
"Excellent!" The Headmaster seemed pleased with the situation. "As for the
rest, you have yet to tell me what you can't do. Should I give you more time to
consider?"
Shaking his head, Severus looked over at the Headmaster with a frown. "I can't
simply leave this child's life," he said softly. "I want… to have this." The
overwhelming rush of fear went through him again. He didn't want to say please,
but he was thinking it.
The Headmaster's silence was difficult to penetrate. "That won't be easy. Do
you believe you can continue to straddle the line in between without my
presence?"
"You still wish for me to… you still believe you will not be around much
longer?" Severus asked, trying not to think about what had been asked of him.
"That length of time isn't up to me, or to you for that matter. Young Draco now
holds the key to how long I'll remain in this, as you know." He reached for a
cinnamon biscuit and bit into it, as if they were discussing Quidditch teams.
"I've been trying to get him to let me help him, but he's being almost as
stubborn as Potter," Severus growled. It was more than a little irritating.
Almost as irritating as the fact that the school year was winding down to a
close.
"Even accepting your help, he can only be stalled so long. Besides, we've
discussed this Severus. My time is limited, with or without Draco."
"You should have taken more care," Severus said, not for the first time. "I
know it is. Your presence is what makes the Order trust me. Without it, they
will not believe I’m on their side."
"Yes." There was a long silence between them. "For you to be a father to this
child people will have to know."
He knew that, he did, but…. "They can't know," he whispered, "Not while he's in
school."
The Headmaster raised his eyebrows then shook his head. "While it will
certainly be difficult it seems like the only way. If it were revealed after I
was gone, I doubt people will believe the true story at all."
"You would risk me being kicked out of the school entirely? Do you believe
Potter would agree to it?" Severus demanded as his panic rose inside. No one
could know, if they knew, then everything would be… well, it would all be
different. Severus didn't like different.
Arched eyebrows greeted the objection. "On what grounds would you be kicked
out? You've done nothing wrong."
"People would assume I got him pregnant, probably against his will, Headmaster.
Surely you see that."
"As I know the truth, that’s what people will be told." The Headmaster's eyes
became sharp and hard. "Are you suggesting that they won't believe me?"
"I’m suggesting that people often pretend to believe others, and spread rumors
anyway. Don't forget how people reacted when you told the world that the Dark
Lord was back." Severus held the Headmaster's gaze, because he knew that he was
right on this account.
"I am Headmaster at this school. You won't be removed without my permission.
They can say as they will. It will be much more dangerous to wait until I'm
gone." His eyes were back to the calm serenity of his normal gaze. He took a
sip of tea.
Severus also knew when the Headmaster was right. "Yes. That is true. How are
you going to announce it? Are you giving Potter the opportunity to say no to
the announcement?"
"You believe he won't want it known? I can ask him, or if you would prefer, you
can."
"He's not going to believe I am on His side," Severus mumbled, finally
accepting the reality of such news being spread about. He began thinking out
all of the ramification of the announcement. "Do you think Potter could be
trusted to keep me walking the line when you are gone?"
"How insightful of you, Severus. The boy just might be able to pull it off.
Since it's important to you, it's worth a try I think."
"I'm not sure he will be. Usually his face is an open book."
"If he has faith in you, then people will know it. There's no question about
that. So long as you foster a more amiable relationship with him it may take
care of our side. The other side I have to leave to you, though if you complete
Draco's task it should make all the difference for Tom."
Severus clenched at the teacup. "Do you think Potter would trust me after
that?" he whispered, the idea still making him queasy.
"That's hard to say, which is why we would make sure our side didn't know who
completed that task."
"Of course," Severus nodded. Could he keep that sort of thing from the father
of his child? He wasn't sure, but he knew he would have to try. "What do you
think I should say to the Dark Lord?" he asked. "He's bound to want all the
details."
"Yes." Another biscuit disappeared before he answered. "You could tell him I'm
using this as a reward for your loyalty. That sort of explanation should
appease him. If he suggests you bring Harry straight to him after I’m gone
you'll have to sight all of the other powerful witches and wizards whose eyes
are always on you."
That would work. Quite well in fact. "Yes Headmaster, that will do."
"I believe we've covered more than enough for tonight. Why don't you show up at
my next meeting with Harry? We'll try to remove the scar at that point."
Severus nodded. "You'll send me a note?" he said as he finished his tea and
pulled the scattered bits of his emotions back to himself.
"Yes. If you haven't spoken to Harry about the announcement by then we can
address it at that time."
"Of course Headmaster." Severus wasn't certain he could talk to Potter about
the announcement, but maybe it would be a good idea to do so. He was going to
be a father. The thought, although still unnerving, was starting to feel good.
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Harry found his friends in the common room, tapped their shoulders and gestured
for them to follow him. Using the idea of privacy in an empty classroom he lead
them into one and shut the door.
"Hermione, do you want to do the silencing spells and such?"
"Of course," she said with a nod, and soon the room was tightly locked down in
every way. "There we go Harry. What's going on?"
"It's the pregnancy thing isn't it?" Ron asked just after. "What did you find
out?"
Harry nodded, "It's the pregnancy thing. You might want to sit down or
something." Once they were settled he announced. "The other father is Snape."
"Snape?" Ron squeaked.
"Really? That's… interesting," Hermione said, looking thoughtful.
"Interesting?" Ron shook his head. "It's a mess. Did you tell him? I bet he
doesn't want anything to do with it."
"Yeah, I told him." Harry paused, trying to think of how to put things. "He was
reluctant at first but he wants to be a part of things."
"Well, of course he would. Ron! Why would you think he wouldn't?" Hermione
asked, crossing her arms.
"Are you joking? That is one man who hates kids!"
"I don't think it's that simple," Harry said quickly. "He has a certain face he
has to present and he doesn't have much choice."
"I wouldn't think he'd still have been teaching if he hated kids Ron." Hermione
pursed her lips for a moment, then turned back to Harry. "How do you feel about
it?"
"I... think it's a good outcome." Harry looked at Ron who sputtered.
"Good how?"
"Good because I got the feeling he would be a dependable and protective force
in the baby's life." Also, his own. Was that just because of the baby or was
there something else there?
Hermione considered for a few moments before saying, "I think you're probably
right."
"You're both mad." Ron slumped, shaking his head and looking away from them.
"Maybe," Hermione nodded. "However, consider how many times Professor Snape has
already proven to be protective of Harry. He's saved Harry's life almost every
single year, that has to count for something, right?"
"It counts for a lot." Harry looked over at Ron, watching him even though he
couldn’t catch his eyes. "I really need you to accept this Ron."
"I accept it, but I don't like it. That man is nothing but trouble."
"You're wrong."
"I'm wrong? Just like that? Harry, you've seen the things he's done. What about
the way he treats Neville? All the times he's taken points totally unfairly? Or
the amount of time he's made fun of you just because he could?"
"Some of that is him, sure, but some of it’s just an act." Harry didn't like
the way things were heading.
"Yeah? Well, I don't think so. I think it's all him. He got Professor Lupin
fired, nearly killed your Godfather. For Merlin's sake, Harry, the man is pure
poison."
"Ronald Weasley!" Hermione said, standing up and glaring at him. "I might feel
that Professor Snape has done some truly rotten things but that doesn't mean
you can talk about him that way. You know I have never allowed that sort of
mistreatment of a teacher."
"He might be a teacher but that doesn't make him a good man!" Ron turned to
face Hermione, his face red and his hands clenched. So far Ron and Hermione had
never had a big blow up, not since that first year. Harry was starting to worry
things were about to change.
"He might do some rotten things but that doesn't make him evil." Harry said
hoping to draw Ron's attention back to him. It worked.
"It sure doesn't make him good!"
Harry hoped this wasn’t another one of the moments where they stopped being
able to stand each other. On the other hand it was better for Ron to be angry
at him than Hermione.
"Okay, Ron, Harry, both of you need to calm down." Hermione stood and walked
over until she was between them. "Look, Ron, Harry is pregnant. He's dealing
with a lot of things at once and if you alienate him right now, you're going to
regret it. Harry, you need to calm down, please?"
"I'll calm down as soon as he does!" Harry wasn't in the mood to make
allowances.
"Sure, side with him why don't you." Ron glared at Hermione
"I'm not siding with him! I asked both of you to calm down and you to think
about what you're saying before you say it." She narrowed her eyes. "You know
that."
Ron's lips tightened and he crossed his arms. "Fine." He didn't sound fine
though.
"For heaven's sake, both of you." She looked back and forth between them before
speaking again. "So, Harry, you have decided to keep it then? And you would
like Professor Snape to be in your child's life?"
"Yes. He went to talk to Dumbledore about things. I guess this messes with the
master plan somehow."
"The master plan?" Hermione asked, raising her eyebrows. "Well, I can see how
that might be so. I doubt anyone thought you would end up pregnant."
"I think it's more that it's Snape's than it is that it exists. They've known I
was pregnant three months now, more or less." Harry didn't even look at Ron who
wasn't talking anymore.
"Well yes, but there was the possibility of you not keeping it before. Now…
well, you've decided." She took a deep breath. "What all is he talking to
Headmaster Dumbledore about, do you even know?"
Harry shook his head. He was quiet for a time. "I think he's scared." That
wasn't right. "I know he is."
"What specifically is he scared about? Could you figure that out?" she asked.
Harry thought everything over, but it was confusing. "I think... maybe it has
to do with Voldemort. He nearly flipped his lid entirely when I said his name
and it was like he was scared for me to some extent."
"Well, he's never really wanted anyone to use his name, so…" She shrugged. "We
just don't know enough to understand I suppose. Ron isn't entirely wrong
though, Harry. Tell me why you think you can trust him, especially when you’ve
never really done so before."
"It's something that's been happening slowly. You know those private classes I
have with him? Between those and the book you loaned me..." Then he realized
they didn't know. He looked at Ron again. "He's the half-blood Prince, you
know?"
"What? No way!"
"Yeah, his Mum was a Prince, last of her line and she ran off with a muggle."
"I was right," Hermione said smugly. "It was a last name. I told you so." Then
she frowned. "Does he know you have his old book?"
Harry shook his head. "I'm pretty sure not. Why?"
"Well, that’s something very personal to him, don't you think? I can't imagine
he would be very pleased to know you have it."
Harry sighed. "That makes me feel even less sure about giving it back to him
than I was before."
"You were going to give it back? Are you nutters?" Ron asked.
"No, I just got the idea he wouldn't want anyone to have it and thought it
might be right to, you know, return it."
"So Ron, even though you’re appalled that Professor Snape is the Half-Blood
Prince, you still want his book to learn from?" Hermione asked with raised
eyebrows.
"No! Well, yeah, I mean... that book's amazing."
Harry nodded, "You're right, and it's Snape's."
"The book is filled with Professor Snape's experiments. That's very
interesting. I might like to take a look at it sometime. It could give a good
insight on his character, don't you think?" Hermione asked.
"I think it does. If you're going to look at it though, you should probably do
it soon. Keep it safe too. Evidently a lot of people on the other side would
like to get their hands on it. His old stuff is legendary." Any minute now she
was going to ask him how he knew all this. How would he answer that?
"Truly? That's fascinating. I'll do that soon then. Is that the reason you want
to give it back? Because you know the other side would like to have it?"
"Partly, yeah. The other part is... I think with the baby coming and all it
might be better if things were straight between us, so it doesn't get in the
way later."
"I see. I can understand that." She pulled Harry into a quick hug then. "I'm
glad you've made a decision."
"Thanks. You've been really supportive and helpful this whole time." After the
hug ended he looked at Ron and made a peace offering. "You too, Ron. I'm glad I
told you guys."
A moment passed before Ron gave a grudging reply. "Sure."
"You're welcome Harry," Hermione smiled. "You know we'll be here for you."
Harry nodded, but in Ron's case he didn't know. He knew Ron would be there,
until something happened and he wasn't.
When they left the room, a first year from Hufflepuff rushed over to them.
Gasping for breath, he said, "Harry Potter. Professor Snape said to tell you
it's time." He breathed several more times before looking up at Harry. "Sorry,
I've been looking all over for you."
Harry raised his eyebrows and laughed. "I thought he was going to use magic. If
I'd known it would be a person I would have made myself easier to find." Then,
"Thanks for the message."
"Sure, no problem. Is he always that scary?" he asked.
"Always, but..." Harry tried not to think of how Ron and Hermione were around
listening, "... he knows more than just about anyone about potions, so if he
goes back to teaching it pay close attention to his lessons, okay?"
"Oh, yes, okay. I can do that. Was he just as scary as a Potions Master?"
"Yeah, pretty much, but he won't hurt you." Harry grinned. "I'd better get
going." With a quick wave to his friends he headed for the Healer's ward.
Hermione’s voice followed him down the hall. "Take care Harry. Let us know how
things work out."
Chapter End Notes
     Sorry it took me so long to get this up. Hopefully I'll be back on
     track now.
***** If You Are Waiting For More *****
Chapter Summary
     A message to those who wish to read more.
I'm very sorry for the long wait on this story. Our lives became suddenly very
busy and overwhelming. It will still be a while before we can post here, but we
expect to be back at it by February and won't stop until it's all up. Thank you
so much for all of the comments and we beg that you be patient with us for a
few more months.
Love you guys!
Moondansr & Stormlyht
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Summary
     Harry startles Hermione with his feelings and then she startles him
     with her suggestion.
Chapter Notes
     Sorry this took so long. Hope to update weekly from now on!
When Harry got back from talking with Madam Pomfrey, Hermione was in the common
room and came right over to him. "Hi Harry. Do you have a few minutes? I'd like
to talk to you privately."
That was odd, he'd been planning to talk to her alone himself. He couldn't
imagine discussing the way he'd been feeling lately about Malfoy and Snape in
front of Ron, but he needed to talk to someone. "Sure, might take longer than a
few minutes though. Oh, and everything's confirmed. Madam Pomfrey seems
uncomfortable about it."
"Is that really a surprise?" she asked with raised eyebrows. "Library?"
"No, I guess not." Harry followed Hermione out, thinking as he walked that he'd
been so tangled up with his own feelings, other people's feeling hadn't really
been on his mind.
"Well, I wasn't sure how long this conversation was going to take, but I
figured… at least a few minutes." She lightly patted his arm as she led the way
to the library.
Once they were settled at the library he asked, "So? What's up?"
"Well, I noticed some of the things you weren't saying, and I thought maybe it
was because of Ron." She leaned back and looked at Harry. "So, I thought maybe
you could tell me."
"Anything specific? Then I can have a place to start." Because he wasn't sure
what was most important.
"Well, I noticed you said the "other side" would like that book." She nodded at
Harry. "But you didn't say how you knew that."
"Right." They were starting with Malfoy. "Well, remember how you accused me of
being obsessed with Malfoy? When I found out I was pregnant I decided not to
bother with him anymore, and somehow that meant we ended up talking. Like
sometimes we just hang out a little where no one can see us."
She blinked at him. "You do?"
"Yeah, I mean not a lot, just once in a while. I ran into him when I was trying
to figure out why the book sounded like the Prince and the Prince sounded like
Snape. So that's how I found out Snape's pen name and that other stuff. We
should keep all that to ourselves. I think it sort of slipped out."
"*I* won't tell anyone," she promised. "So… how do these conversations go? With
Malfoy?"
"Usually he's upset about something, but he doesn't want to talk about it so we
just talk about something else, like Quidditch or potions." Harry shrugged.
"You just… talk about other things?" she asked as she raised her eyebrows. "You
and Malfoy. Civilly?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah, I mean he's known I was pregnant for a while. It seems to
be okay."
"He has? You… told him? Harry, are you sure that was a good idea?"
"No, but he told me some private stuff too. Actually it's probably a really bad
idea, but I sort of like him."
"You sort of like him?" Hermione looked at him for several moments before
frowning. "Like him how?"
"I don't really understand that part. He's surprisingly easy to talk to and I
never noticed before but he's gorgeous, you know?" Harry watched for her
reaction, wondering if that would upset her. He was having trouble accepting
his sudden attraction to Malfoy, and even more so Snape. If Hermione had
trouble with it too he had no idea who he could talk this out with.
"Well, yes Harry, Malfoy is incredibly good looking. I've known that for some
time, not that I would have mentioned that to you or to Ron in the past. I find
it interesting that you're having an easy time talking with him. He's so…
difficult to talk to. Always uptight and angry."
Harry tipped his head. "I think he's having a hard time right now. The other
side of the war isn't easy to be on, you know?"
"Neither is ours," she reminded him. "But Harry, it sounds like you're starting
to trust him. Are you?"
"Well..." He trusted him to some extent. The two of them had earned that much
by keeping each other's secrets so far. "Yes and no. It's complicated. He's
still on the other side."
"Do you think he would switch sides? Because if he *would*..."
Harry shook his head. "I don't think it's that simple for him."
"How could that even be considered simple?" she asked, shaking her head as
well. "It's never simple."
Harry couldn't tell her he'd confirmed that Malfoy had been marked. That was
something that was between them now. Instead he just agreed. "Yes, it's never
simple."
"Are you going to try to talk to him about that? Honestly Harry, that would be
such a good idea, I can't imagine things going well for him on that side." She
leaned forward and reached for him as she said it.
Harry shrugged. "He knows he can change sides so long as he's at the school I'd
wager, but I'll mention it if it makes you feel better."
"Yes, it would make me feel much better to know that he had been given that
option." One hand clasped his. "Harry I hate this war, and I wish there was a
way to get through it so we could move on."
"I'm pretty fed up with it too." Snape hadn't liked his idea though. He'd told
him to rethink it. "Was that what you wanted to talk about? There's more I need
to tell you."
"That was the important bits. Tell me whatever you need to Harry."
"This whole thing with Snape is really confusing, you know? I mean it wasn't as
simple as I said. The spell led to him and there were snakes." Harry ended up
telling her about the potion and its effects in detail.
She listened intently until he was done, and then she frowned at him.
"Compatible magics? That's… I've read about that. It means that you two are in
synch to some extent and the spells that you cast together can be much
stronger. And you have this with Professor Snape?"
"That's how I'm interpreting what happened. I mean it seems right. There's more
though. Lately, there have been some times when he's touched me, just like any
other teacher might mostly," except for the one time, "and I've noticed that it
makes me feel... odd."
Odd wasn’t exactly what he meant but he was having a lot of trouble admitting
that he was finding himself attracted to Snape.
"Odd how Harry? There are so many versions of odd."
Yeah, there were. "Tingly and warm?" It was more than that but so hard to put
to words.
"Tingly and warm? As though you were safe and protected?" she said the words
slowly.
"That's part of it, but then there's something else. I think I might be
attracted to him." There, he’d said it. Now he just had to wait for her
reaction.
"What makes you think that Harry?" Her eyes were on him as she asked,
completely focused.
"The tingly part," Harry answered honestly. "Then there's this... draw. I don't
know how to explain it. I'm really starting to enjoy being around him."
"Enjoy being around Professor Snape? The one who always angers you? The same
Professor Snape that you complain about all the time? That Professor Snape?"
she asked with curved lips.
Harry shrugged. "What am I supposed to say? Obviously yes, that one."
"I'm just trying to make certain I know who you're talking about. So, tingly,
like, through your body? Does being around him make you… hot?"
"A couple times. I just... I can't understand why I'm suddenly liking blokes.
Specifically people I've always hated."
"Malfoy too then?" she asked evenly.
Harry nodded. "To a lesser extent, but it's still there, and I think maybe it
has been, I just didn't know it was."
"Well, to be fair Harry, you've been so focused on learning and this war that I
don't think you've really taken the time to figure out what you like, in a
person. Do you… I mean it's none of my business, but do you, um," her face
flushed. "You know?"
Harry frowned, was she asking him about wet dreams? He wasn't sure. "Maybe?"
"Maybe. So, you don't know exactly what I'm talking about. Okay." She took a
deep breath. "Harry, do you masturbate?" she asked in a rush.
"Oh, that... not very often, Hermione." He hadn't found it all that good. It
felt nice and all but generally he had much more important things to do and
think about. Things that definitely didn't help him along towards an orgasm in
any way.
"Well, I suggest you do," she said simply. "You should do it every night I
think. As an experiment, you should think of Malfoy or Professor Snape each
time." Her face began to flush. "And I also suggest you think about a girl you
like one of the nights, for comparison."
Harry thought it all made sense, but he felt a little sorry for Hermione having
to tell him to try it. "Yeah, I get what you're saying. Thanks. You can stop
thinking about it now if that helps." He offered her a weak smile. Whether he'd
actually try it every night or not he didn't know. That seemed sort of frequent
and he did sleep in a room full of other boys.
"Thank you," she said. "It's not that I care if you do or not, but I wasn't
sure if you wanted my input on your… private life."
"No, well I mean, yes." Harry knew he sounded ridiculous, so he gathered his
thoughts and came up with. "I did ask in a way. It would help to understand
what I'm feeling, even if why turns out to be I just really like people who
give me a hard time regularly."
"That would be a useful thing to know," she agreed with a nod. "Although I
don't think that's it. Try the bath. Privacy and cleanliness all at once."
He hadn't thought of that. "Great idea!" Then he quickly discarded the question
of whether or not that was where she went for privacy.
"You're welcome," she said smugly. "How do you feel? About everything now?"
He took a deep breath and thought it over. "I don't feel terrible about things.
I'm not certain about my own feelings for Snape but I think he'll be good to
the kid. Still can't think what I'll do with a child, but I also can't stand
getting rid of it so I'll find a way. By the way, how do you feel about baby
sitting?"
"Harry," she gasped. "Of course I'd like to baby sit sometime. I'm going to be
Aunt Hermione, aren't I?"
Harry nodded, feeling a bit teary all of a sudden. It had to have something to
do with the pregnancy. "I guess so. This is the sort of thing I expected to be
discussing in our twenties but..." He shrugged. He sure hadn't thought he would
be the one with a baby inside.
"Oh Harry," she said as she got up and came around to sit next to him. "Of
course you didn't. But it's happening, and no matter what Ron says, you'll be a
great father and I'll be here for you the whole way. He might not because he's
stupid sometimes, but I will be."
"Thanks Hermione," he gave her a half hug. Ron would come around, and he knew
that. Still, he was coming to really value Hermione's constant level
headedness.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Summary
     The Headmaster suggested Snape ask Harry an important question and
     Snape has decided to get that over with.
                                  Chapter 18
Harry was brewing. It was actually fun to be back at it, even with Snape's
frequent caustic comments. The potion was looking a bit too green and
remembering the Prince's comments on coloring, Harry added some powdered frog
bones. He was still having trouble thinking of the Prince as Snape, even though
he knew it was true.
There was a small cough from behind him and Snape asked, "What on earth made
you think to do that?"
"The potion turns green when the newts eye is too new, or larger than average.
Powdered frog bones are a stabilizer and since they're already present it's a
good way to push the potion back on track as long as you don't add too much.
Too much makes it explode." He was rather glad he didn't have to experience
that in order to know it. He suspected the Prince, Snape, had.
Snape nodded. "What were you reading that told you all of that? Have you been
visiting the library Potter?"
"No!" Oddly he felt a bit affronted by the suggestion, which was ridiculous. On
the other hand he shouldn't say it was in the book. "Hermione did, and I
borrowed a book she had on her stack."
"You say no like it's a bad thing to be in the library," Snape murmured.
"Fascinating. I knew you had an aversion to it, but I didn't know it was so
bad."
"No, I mean, yes, it is bad. I keep ending up in there. I think it might be
just like purgatory." The conversation was just the right time to bring up the
book, but he was trying to keep paying attention to the potion.
"Of course it is," Snape said dryly. "Do you need to completely focus, or can I
converse with you while you brew?"
"It depends on how startling the topic is." Harry glanced at Snape, then looked
back at the potion. "I'll be bottling in less than five minutes anyhow. The
brew time is shortened by the extra fur I added, which I'm sure you know."
"Yes." Snape nodded. "I do know. It has to do with your pregnancy and your
child's parentage."
"Oh... could you wait until I'm bottling?" The mention of it had made him a bit
shaky. After all, just the other night he'd had a very hot time in the bath
thinking of Snape. Babies made him think of sex, even though he hadn't gotten
to have any.
"Yes, I can wait." Snape moved away from Harry and sat down at one of the other
tables, picking up a knife. "Let me know when you're ready." Then he was evenly
slicing something that was green and rooty looking. Harry had no idea what it
was.
Once the potion was ready, Harry said, "I'm ready now."
Snape looked over at Harry. "Do you wish the whole school to know who the other
father is? Does the knowledge bother you?"
"Oh, I thought, didn't you say... maybe you didn't. Wouldn't that be a problem
for you?" Harry still wasn't sure what to think of the situation. Honestly, he
didn't want the school to know he was pregnant at all, but it was going to be
hard to hide soon.
"The Headmaster, in his infinite wisdom,” Snape drawled out, “seems to think
that no one will question him and his decisions. Since it was not, actually,
something I *did* to you, nor was I involved in the spellwork at all, he feels
I have done nothing wrong." There was a slight tone of disgust to his voice.
"And therefore, as he is the Headmaster, I will still have my position at the
school." He had stopped chopping, his hands now clasped together on the table.
Harry absorbed all of that and tried to put it into order. "So if we'd done it
on purpose you would be fired, but since we didn't have sex and the spell was
used by a third party you won't be?"
"That is correct." Snape nodded.
"You don't like it though?" At least there was something about it Snape seemed
to dislike.
His mouth went flat, lips thin and white as he stared at Harry. It took a long
while before he spoke again. "I don't feel that anyone will believe the story.
I have long been seen as an eyesore on the school and the Headmaster's
reputation. There is no doubt in my mind that parents will try to take this
opportunity to get me fired, because as far as we know, it is nearly impossible
to do what has actually been done. I also believe the Headmaster will stand up
for my position and will tell everyone what has *actually * happened, which is
that a spell has happened without your consent. There is also little doubt in
my mind that people will believe that I was part of said spell, and that they
will believe I did this to you intentionally." His hands were clenched so
tightly that the fingers were turning white.
Harry had no idea what he wanted. Or perhaps he just hadn't thought of people
knowing as a possibility. "Anyone who looked at you would know you weren't part
of it." Harry shook his head, that was only part of the point. "The pregnancy
announcement is going to be difficult either way. Do you want people to know?"
The corners of Snape’s lips turned down. "The Headmaster pointed out that while
he was here, I was not likely to be pressured regarding my part in this child's
life. If we were to wait to announce my… contribution, I would not be
guaranteed a position."
Harry remembered the snakes and the things they had said. "I already said I
wanted you to be part of the babies life, so yes. If this is what has to happen
to make that true, we should do it."
"You realize what people will say about me, about you?" Snape asked, raising
his eyebrows. "Even though the Headmaster will quell the rumors the best he
can, he will be unable to silence them forever."
Harry's face turned a bit red at some of the thoughts that surfaced. "Who cares
what they say? I'm used to people saying things about me that aren't true
anyhow. It happens all the time." Of course it would bother him and of course
he would try to set things straight, but to not do it because of the talking
would be terribly wrong.
"This will be unlike anything you have dealt with before. You know this. They
will call you a slut, a whore," Snape spit the words out. "And they will think
they are right. Do you know why?"
"You said something about the spell being difficult to manipulate in this way.
Maybe if they concentrated all that energy on the war instead we would get
somewhere." Harry rolled his eyes. "I know what I am and what I'm not. I'll be
alright."
"You often take people's words to heart Potter," Snape said. "Are you sure you
can handle this?"
"Are you?" Harry challenged, mostly because he didn't want to think about it.
When he did, he realized Snape as the other father might be better than no
other father being announced. "They'll call me worse if I just turn up
pregnant, you know, or at least all the same things."
"They'll tell you you're sick for letting me touch you," Snape sneered.
"They'll say you are letting the enemy into your bed. People will ask if you
like your men ugly and slimy. Notes will come to you saying you're willing to
have sex with anyone."
"Fine." How many times was he going to have to say it? "You know if you keep it
up, I'm going to start to think you want me to say no."
"I do." Snape finally looked away. "And I don't," he said more softly.
Harry got up and walked over to Snape's work table. "I think I get it, but
there's this baby, you know? It's not even born yet and I'm supposed to be
killing a Dark Lord. I have no idea how it happened, or why you're the father
exactly, but the snake's said I could trust you to help out, so I'm going to.
I'm not raising a baby alone if I don't have to, especially when either one of
us could end up dead because of this war. I can't expect you to support me if I
won't support you so let everyone talk. I'll just tell them to bloody leave us
alone."
Snape's gaze had followed Harry, and he looked up at Harry with eyes gone wide.
Several times he swallowed, face going slightly pink, then paling, then
flushing again. "You trust the snakes from your vision that much?" he finally
whispered.
"I guess." Harry shook his head, knowing it was more than that. He remembered
saying that he hoped Snape would die this year and he'd meant it. Things had
changed or maybe he had changed? The feelings he was having for Snape now were
grounded in something much different, and it didn't have anything to do with
the baby. It had to do with the book. "There's something I need to tell you."
"Fantastic," Snape drawled. "Well then, what is it?" He didn't look any more
relaxed, perhaps a bit more tense.
Harry didn't blame him. This could be pretty bad. "It's about my textbook. The
one I got isn't exactly normal."
"Is it talking to you?" Snape snapped. "Are you communicating with it? Please
tell me it doesn't move on it's own. You of all people ought to know better
than to keep using a book like that."
"No, I mean it sort of feels like it's talking to me sometimes but it's really
not. I suppose the only person it's talking to, really, is you. I have it on
pretty good word that it was yours." Harry got the words out as quickly as he
could. He was really going to miss that book.
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Summary
     Snape discovers that Harry has been using his old potions book this
     year and is less than pleased. Harry is surprised with the way things
     turn out in the end.
There were several moments of silence. Then Snape's eyes narrowed and he
hissed, "You've been using *my* potions book this year? Of course, that's how
you've become so *good* so suddenly. You were using cheats, things I had
discovered over the course of many, many brewing sessions. Well then, what are
you planning on doing with my book? Sharing it with all your friends. Are you
having a good laugh at my expense then Potter?"
"No I, why would anyone laugh about it? The stuff in there is pretty amazing."
He'd meant to tell him what he was going to do but got caught on the last
question.
"Of course it's amazing. I spent the whole year working on those potions." Then
his eyes flickered to Harry's cauldron. "Ah, the powdered frog bones. My work
around. Found all of that useful, didn't you? You could impress other people in
the one class you hadn't been able to impress a teacher with before."
"Look, it's too late to take away the knowledge, the potions stuff is in your
published book anyhow. I thought... I feel like... since we're doing this thing
together, you know, raising a child... Well, I didn't want it to get in the
way, so why don't you have it back?"
Snape stared at him. Frowned. Moved his hands from the table to his lap. "You…
wish to give it *back*?" he whispered, and Harry detected a note of surprise
and confusion.
"I never thought of a text book as private before but that one really was,
wasn't it? It was one thing when I was getting to know someone I'd probably
never meet, but knowing it was you." Harry shrugged. "It feels wrong for me to
keep it now that I know, even though I'll really miss it." There, he'd finally
said it properly.
"Why?" Snape asked.
Harry was silent for a moment. "Why will I miss it, why was it okay when I
didn't know who it was, or why am I giving it back?"
An eyebrow lifted and Snape's shoulders relaxed. "Yes."
"Well, the book sort of became like a friend of mine. I always felt like the
person who wrote it really understood what it was like to be me. When I didn't
know who it was I really couldn't give it back, and I don't think people who
are raising a kid should be holding onto each other's personal property unless
they've been given permission. I mean it'll just cause more problems between us
and if we survive long enough for the kid to have comprehension, I don't think
it would be good for it to think we hated each other."
"How does a book become a friend? Of all the people here, I would think you
would have someone else other than me who understands you. One could say I have
never been one who understood what it is like to be you."
Harry stared at him. It was difficult to put something like that into words.
Turning he went back to his bag and withdrew the book. There was a part of him
that wanted to return and just shove it right back. All of his thoughts had
been on the baby those last couple months and what would be good for it, but
what about what was good for him? He didn't want to give this book up. Frowning
he returned to Snape and set the book between them. He opened it up and easily
turned to the first page which had spoken to him so deeply. "Like this, I've
felt exactly the same way." He turned Snape's own words to face him.
Snape looked down at the words in question and his lips pursed. 'Like most
schools, there are plenty of idiots roaming the halls. Yet there's something
disturbingly comforting about this place. It’s as if I’ve come home at last and
my old home was just a terrible nightmare. I have a few people I can trust,
which in and of itself, makes Hogwarts better.'
"Potter," Snape said evenly. "You have more than a few people you can trust
here. Besides that, I was unaware that you thought most of the school were
idiots." He wasn't looking up at Harry though, instead he was looking down at
the words, one hand leaving his lap to touch the page lightly.
"Oh, yeah, really? You must have not been here every time the entire school
turned against me then. I sure can't trust people like that."
Snape finally looked away from the book and to Harry. His eyes narrowed. "That
is - " he started, but snapped his mouth closed.
Harry raised his eyebrows. "Yes? It is... what?" People always expected him to
forgive them and he did but that didn't mean he could trust them. They were
idiot enough not to understand in the first place, even Ron, even Hermione
didn't understand, but they stood behind him. Well, Hermione did.
Shaking his head, Snape looked away from him. "Have you been retaining the
information you are learning in this book?" he asked instead.
Harry shrugged, then nodded. "The book is a good teacher."
"The book is a good teacher?" Snape asked with raised eyebrows. "Really?"
Harry nodded. He wanted to say Snape could be too if he relaxed a little but he
thought that would probably start an argument. "Sarcastic, witty and full of
interesting information."
"How fascinating," Snape said dryly.
Harry wasn't sure what to say to that. "So, that's part of the reason I think
the snakes were right. You should be a father to this child and I'm going to
support that, after all, it is half yours. Although, I have to carry it around,
which I think is pretty unfair. I mean of the two of us I'm betting you've had
more sex." Especially since he hadn't had any at all.
"No doubt," Snape said. "Although many people seem to think that with my looks
I haven't had any." He delivered the line evenly, but Harry could see something
flicker in his eyes that he couldn't quite decipher. "If you're thinking I
should carry the child instead of you though, you are wrong. You have a much
more likely chance of bringing it to term than I do." Suddenly he stood up and
turned away from Harry, walking to his ingredient cabinet. "You will have a
test next week then. No books, only your mind. If you can successfully brew the
potion I ask of you, then you may keep the book. If not, I'll take it away.
Until then, you may keep it on the agreement you will not cast any of the
spells on the pages without talking to me first, and you will not let anyone
who does not know of its existence become aware. Do you agree?"
Harry nodded. "Okay, I can do that." What sort of test might he give him? Did
he know what he needed to know? "I don't suppose I get to have any idea at all
what type of potion you're planning."
"Only that I have modified it in the book and also published my modifications.
That narrows the field, but only so much." He turned around again. "I won't
make this easy. I should take it away simply on the grounds that you do not
deserve to have it."
Those restrictions did narrow it down. "Then you might want to just take it,
because I'm going to pass the test."
"You think so?" Snape asked, raising his eyebrows.
"You're using one of 50 potions give or take, 1/3 of them are healing related.
The rest are scattered all over the place, but I've read the book a lot. I
think I'll be alright by next class." Mostly because he was going to spend
every spare moment studying for this.
The eyebrows lowered and Snape regarded Harry for a long time before he spoke
again. "How many times *have* you read that book?"
"I... really don't know." He read it when he was depressed, when he was
studying potions, whenever he didn't have homework to do, or didn't feel like
doing it. "A lot, I guess."
"Do you read all of it? All the bits in the margins, every modification? The
spell tests and the conclusions?"
"Well, yeah, depends on why I'm reading. You have to read what's in the book in
the first place for the margins to make sense, so I've reread a lot of that
stuff too."
"I see." Snape swallowed and nodded. "I'm keeping the stipulation. If you can
impress me enough so I feel you've learned, you may keep the book."
He sure wasn't offering again. Harry gathered the book up and returned it to
his bag quickly. There was no way he was returning it after all. He would
definitely earn the right to keep it.
"Is there anything else?" Harry asked.
"Yes." Snape moved forward until he was right in front of Harry. "We have
decided to tell the school you're carrying my child, yes?"
So close. Harry felt a heat raise inside of him. Merlin, his reaction to Snape
was getting worse and worse. It was easier when they were just fighting. "Yes."
He looked into Snape's black eyes, trying to be completely clear.
"You feel this will be the right step forward?"
"I don't know, but it seems like the way to go. People will listen to
Dumbledore, at least more than they would to me."
"Do you feel that no one will listen to you, that they will only listen to the
Headmaster?"
Harry shrugged. "Sometimes people listen to me, sometimes they don't but I
haven't got any real power like he does. In the end of things I'm more like a
tool people use and they don't really want my input. I'm still going to give it
but they don't really want it."
"You should start behaving like you are in control of your life Potter. People
are more likely to respect you if you behave like you believe you know what
you're doing." Snape's eyes traveled over Harry's face and one of his hands
twitched, like it wanted to move, but wasn't sure if it was allowed to.
That was an odd suggestion. No one had ever come up with it before, and Harry
had to wonder if it was true. Why was Snape giving him that sort of advice? Did
it have to do with the baby? "Do you really think so?"
"Why do you think people defer to me?" he asked with raised eyebrows.
"Because they're afraid of you?"
He smirked. "That is one reason, yes, but not the only one."
"Well, you're also one of our Professors." Harry was starting to get the idea,
though. "You're saying that you act like you know what you're about, and that
makes them respect you?"
"Yes," he said. "No one ever questions if I know what I'm saying, or doing, or
mean, do they?"
Harry shook his head. He'd never really thought about it, after all, Professors
were supposed to know what they were doing. Yet no one offered respect to
Trelawney who was generally liked, and Snape, who was generally disliked, was
still well respected. "Is it really that simple?"
"You think it is simple, to pretend to believe you know every single thing you
are doing, and are never uncertain, in front of people who would murder you in
your sleep, if they were aware you didn't actually know everything you
pretended to know? People won't believe you until you believe you. The only
other alternative is to believe so strongly, you can fool them that it works."
Harry thought that over. "I'll try it. Thanks."
"Certainly." Snape didn't move though, continued to look at Harry and stand
there, as though that was the only thing he knew how to do, at the moment.
There was a long silence of them just staring at each other. It made Harry feel
warm and gave him a small thrill. He wanted to stay that close, or maybe move a
little closer even. A little closer? Any closer and he would be in Snape's
arms.
Through it, Snape didn't move, just kept his unreadable gaze on Harry, his body
a solid wall of warmth that radiated over to him.
There was something else going on between them. This made Harry feel even more
certain that it wasn't just the child. "I... er... should get going then."
"Yes," Snape breathed the word out, soft and delicate, and he was so close
Harry could feel the words on his skin, but Snape didn't move.
Harry nodded, and he didn't actually want to leave. What was this feeling? He
shouldn't question it because a part of him had already caught on. No, he
should question it, because this was Snape for Merlin's sake. Harry reached for
his bag without looking away and his hand just sort of flapped pathetically.
Snape finally broke eye contact as he reached around Harry to pick up the bag,
their bodies brushing against each other. Then he was standing straight again,
offering the bag to Harry.
Swallowing hard, Harry took the bag. "Yeah, thanks, I'll just... thanks." He
got out of there. There was no actual running involved, but Harry was
definitely in a hurry. He didn't want to even think about the attraction that
had been keeping him rooted in the potion lab. Nor did he want to consider what
had been up with Snape.
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