Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/11573517.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      F/M
  Fandom:
      Young_Justice_(Cartoon)
  Relationship:
      Artemis_Crock/Wally_West
  Character:
      Wally_West, Artemis_Crock, Dick_Grayson, Kon-El_|_Conner_Kent, Kaldur'ahm
      (DCU), M'gann_M'orzz
  Additional Tags:
      Self-Harm, post_season_one, Abuse, Panic_Attacks, progress_-_Freeform,
      friends_-_Freeform, Team_as_Family, Please_Don't_Read_this_if_it_might
      trigger_you
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-07-22 Chapters: 1/3 Words: 3515
****** I'm Not Going Anywhere ******
by Secondgenerationnerd
Summary
     Description inside
     Discussion of Self harm and Abuse
Notes
     GUYS DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY MENTIONS OF SELF HARM
     OR ABUSE OR PANIC ATTACKS!!!!!!!!
     So about a year or so ago, I had this theory that most superheroes
     actually suffer from things like what's mentioned above. I was deep
     in a Young Justice stint, so I looked at the characters that I loved
     the most- Wally, Artemis and Dick. Wally has been called out on
     denying things that he should talk about and holds a lot in. Artemis
     grew up with only her father. Dear lord, where do I even begin with
     Dick. I wanted to write about them, more specifically Wally. I don't
     buy the always happy flirty dude we see most of the time in season
     one. I drew a lot from my own feelings and experience for the boys
     and did extensive research for Artemis.
     This is something I had fun writing, but I don't want you to read it
     if it might cause you harm.
See the end of the work for more notes
Wally West seems like a fairly typical 16-year-old kid. He flirts with his
girlfriend constantly, grinning as he messes up his bright red hair. He mocks
his friends/teammates. Gets into trouble with his 14-year-old best friend
Robin. He seems to have a permanent smile on his face, even after particularly
draining or heart breaking missions. His team really never considers this odd.
They assumed Wally copes in his own way like they all do. They just couldn’t
imagine how.
Artemis walks down the hall of Mount Justice, sniffing her hair. Her latest
mission ended with a particularly foul smelling liquid being sprayed on her.
She falters in her steps as she nears her boyfriend’s room. Normally after a
mission, they would talk about what happened. Most of the time, they ended up
teasing each other mercilessly on which of them would win in a fight. The few
occasions Wally had attempted to prove his point, she ended up pinning him on
the floor, his arm twisted painfully behind him. Artemis decides to knock, at
least see him before she goes to take a two-hour shower.
“Wally?” She calls through the door. She makes out a slight shuffling and the
door slides open. Wally gives her his signature cocky grin, which fades as soon
as the smell hits him.
“Wow, uh, I like your new perfume,” He coughs. She rolls her eyes.
“I just got back from a mission, wanted to say hi before I attempt to de stink
myself.” Artemis notices his arm shaking behind him,” Are you ok?”
“Of course, beautiful, just working on a book report. Getting the summer work
done early, you know?” He gives her an easy smile. She believes him. She kisses
his cheek before sauntering down the hall. After several rinses of her hair,
she’s as close to clean as she’s going to get. Pulling on a fresh change of
clothes, she heads back towards her room.
“What’s up, Bird Brain?” She teases as she passes Robin.
“Not much, Miss Fire. Hey, did you talk to Wally today?”
“Briefly. Why?”
“We had a mission earlier in Central City. A cop was killed. Wally seemed kind
of shaken up.”
“Maybe I should go check on him,” Artemis maneuvers around the 14-year-old. He
trails behind her,” Can I help you?”
“League rules. Two team members who are in a relationship are not allowed to be
in the same room together unsupervised.”
“League rules? M’gann and Conner live together. You think they haven’t done
anything?”
“M’gann is M’gann and I’m pretty sure that Conner had any sexual drive
genetically removed.” Artemis rolls her eyes. Robin is the annoying little
brother she never got. She only knew a fraction of his history, mostly what
Wally told her before making her swear never to tell anyone. She’d kept her
promise. Even Robin didn’t know she knew about his parents and what happened to
them. He wouldn’t be able to tease her the way he is now if he did,“So is Wally
the fastest boy in the world at everything?”
“I’m going to ignore that question.” She knocks on Wally’s door,” Wally? It’s
me and Bird Boy. Can we come in?”
No answer. She tries again, louder this time. No response.
“That’s weird.” Robin frowns,” He was in there an hour ago.”
“Let me try the access code.” Artemis opens a panel hidden beside his door. She
types in his over ride code, one of the few that they all had memorized. The
door slides open and Artemis screams,” WALLY!”
The speedster lays on the floor in a pool of blood. Artemis runs to his side,
turning him onto his back. His eyes are closed. There’s a pair of scissors
nearby. She shake his shoulders,” Wally? Wally? Open your eyes!”
He doesn’t respond. Artemis looks up at Robin.
“Get help.” The 14-year-old looks frozen,” DICK! GET HELP!”
He unfreezes and runs. Artemis checks Wally’s breathing and pulse. The pulse is
weak and his chest isn’t rising. She jumps into rescue breathing, practically
ripping his head back to open his airway. She counts in her head between
breaths. All her training is screaming at her to check and make sure the rest
of him is ok. After rechecking his pulse and breathing, the pulse stronger and
his chest rising and falling a bit, she looks over his body. There are no cuts
on his neck or face. None on his abdomen or legs. His shirt and pants are
patched with blood, but there are no tears in the fabric. She notices his
sleeve sticking to his arms. Rolling it back she finds her answer. A deep cut
runs across his wrist, several others just below it.
“What’s happening?” Kaldur’s voice breaks Artemis from her trace.
“We found him like this. He wasn’t breathing, but I got him back.”
“And the blood?” Kaldur assesses Wally’s pulse.
“I think he cut himself.” The words are painfully numb. Some part of her wants
to scream them, but another doesn’t want to even think them. Connor arrives not
three seconds after she says this. His face completely tense. Dick brings a
backboard that the trio carefully lifts Wally onto. Artemis feels an arm wrap
around her. She flinches.
“It’s me.” M’gann says to her,” Are you ok?”
Artemis doesn’t answer, just watches as Kaldur and Conner carry Wally from the
room. Her chest becomes uncomfortably tight as his head rolls listlessly.
M’gann follows Conner and Kaldur. Dick stares at her, neither of them saying a
word. The smell of blood stings their nostrils.
“You said my name.” Robin says softly,” Not Robin, Dick.”
Artemis nods, taking the towel in her hands and using it to wipe up the blood.
She hears him leave and come back. Bleach fills the room. They work in silence
until the whole floor is clean. They sit on their heels for a second. Robin
speaks first,”Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why would Wally do anything like this?” His mind is trying to think through
it. He needs to understand the facts of what’s happened. His best friend, the
only person who was supposed to know his real name, was just found in a pool of
his own blood. There’s a pair of scissors, but it can’t be related to this.
Wally would never, never do anything like this. He's too happy, too optimistic,
too bright. Artemis has the opposite problem running through her head. How did
she not see the signs? The fact he was shaking earlier. Him keeping his
distance. The flinch when she would reach for his hand. The constant tugging at
his sleeves some days. Her chest tightens even more.
“I need to go.” Artemis moves quickly for the door. Robin grabs her arm,” Let
go of me, Dick.”
“No,” He tightens his grip on her arm,” Wally needs-”
“Wally made his choice. He doesn’t need me.” She yanks her arm free and takes
off. Robin knows her could follow her easily, but lets her go. He goes to the
med bay. He and the others wait, listening to Wally’s heart monitor. After a
while, Wally sits up, groaning.
“Ugh, my head.” He looks at the others, slipping into his normal bright smile.
Then he moves his arm. Looking down, his eyes widen with panic as he sees the
blood on his shirt and the gauze on his wrists,” I can explain.”
“Good. Because we want an explanation.” Conner positions himself next to the
speedster. Robin is coiled in a tight ball in the corner, staring at Wally with
pain. Wally kicks himself. Robin had seen him. His best friend who had seen
more people lying in pools of their own blood than he should at 14. Wally wants
to say something, but the kid is probably one minute away from freaking out.
Not something anyone would want to see.
“I was working on a project and the scissors slipped.”
Kaldur raises an eyebrow,” Five times?”
“Wally, we want to help,” M’gann tells him.
“I don’t need help.”
“Artemis said something similar.” Robin murmurs. Wally snaps his head around
the room.
“She didn’t see-”
Conner glares at him,” She saved your life. You weren’t moving.”
“Shit!” He runs his hands through his hair,” Where is she?”
“She zeta’d home.” Wally jumps up. M’gann grabs his shoulder,” Where are you
going?”
“I need to talk to her. I need to see her.” They begin pushing him towards the
bed. Wally uses his powers, slipping away from them and out of the room. He’s
at the Zeta tubes before it clicks with them that he’s gone.
“Kid Flash. B03.” A cool automated woman’s voice informs the team.
“DAMN IT!” Robin is out the door before any of them. The teen wonder is visibly
upset when they reach the zeta tubes. He’s ripped his sunglasses off, shocking
all of them. Tears roll down his cheeks from bright blue eyes,” He’s gone! And
the console is busted! WE CAN’T FIND HIM!”
“Robin, it’s ok.” M’gann reaches over to comfort him. He pulls away from her.
“NO, IT’S NOT!” He shouts. He tears at his dark hair. He steps back, hitting
his head against a wall,” HE’S NOT OK! HE TOLD HER! HE TOLD HER ABOUT ME AND HE
TELLS ME EVERYTHING BUT I DIDN’T KNOW! HE’S MY BEST FRIEND AND I DIDN’T FIGURE
IT OUT! I DIDN’T FIGURE IT OUT!”
Connor grabs the screaming teen, holding his arms down. M’gann grabs Robin’s
head. She uses her powers to gain some control. Robin is still crying, and in
her mind, she sees flashes of old memories. All his. A man and a woman staring
down, her with bright blue eyes and him with dark hair. A circus tent. A woman
and man falling from a trapeze, hitting the ground with a sickening crash.
Blood pooling around them. A man’s voice saying they were his only family. Two
coffins. A tall man placing his hand on his shoulder. Another body bag.
Screaming sweaty nightmares. Panic attacks that hit him at random, but he never
shows it. M’gann lurches away. Robin is now calmed to the best of her
abilities, but she knew that there was only so much she could do. Within
ethical reason. Robin’s eyes are locked on the floor, tears dripping from the
bridge of his nose.
“What is wrong with him?” Kaldur asks. M’gann explains what she saw. Kaldur and
Conner look at the boy wonder,” I did not realize.”
“None of us did. Remember what Wally said, Batman had forbidden him from
telling.” Conner reminds them.
“What do we do?”
“Find Wally, call the League,” M’gann looks at Robin,” Find Dick a place to
rest.”
“Dick?” Conner asks.
“That’s his name. Dick Grayson.” Robin finally closes his eyes, trying to
remember the last time someone said his name that softly.
“Should we look for Wally?” Kaldur asks, taking Robin, no Dick, from Conner. He
places the teen over his shoulder.
“I think we all know where he is.” Connor says,” Or who he wants to see at
least.”
Conner was right. In Gotham city, Artemis takes a shower. Her mother isn’t home
yet so there’s no one to shout at her for using all the hot water. Steam fills
the room as red ribbons swirl down the drain. Artemis has been letting the
water run over her for the better part of an hour. She reminds herself that she
has to get rid of the bloody clothes before her mom gets home. She doesn’t want
any more people freaking out today. She closes her eyes. Let today be another
failsafe. Please let it be another training exercise. Please let it all have
been pretend. Even as she hopes it she knows everything is real. Everything she
saw was real. She shuts off the water and steps out of the shower. She looks in
the mirror hanging from the back of the door. Her upper body is a mess of scars
and burns, the only reminder of her childhood. She’d grown up well since she
was seven years old. After Jade walked out. She pulls on her pajamas- an old
pair of sweat pants and a sports bra. As she reaches for her tank top, she
hears the buzzer.
She goes out to the kitchen, pressing on the worn down box,” Hello?”
“Hey, beautiful,” Wally groans. Her breathing stops,” Artemis? You there?”
“Yes.”
“Can you let me in? I want to talk.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She’s about to take her finger away when he
wheezes two words.
“I’m sorry.” She hesitates before pressing the open button. There’s a knock on
the door a few seconds later. Opening the door, Wally stumbles in. Artemis
realizes that she’s shirtless, still holding the tank top in her hand. She
pulls it on as Wally moves to the couch. His shirt is stained with dried
blood,” Thanks.”
“Don’t thank me. Give me an explanation.” He gestures for her to sit next to
him. She sits on the couch but turns so she is as far from him as possible.
Wally turns to face her.
“How much of my past do you know?” He asks.
“Not much. What you’ve told me. A few stories from the others,” She searches
his face for a sign that he might be lying to her.
“I was born in this little town in Nebraska called Blue Valley. My dad worked
as a factory foreman and he wanted me to work in the factory as well. I didn’t
want that. I wanted to be something more than myself. I was the President and
only member of the Flash fan club. Growing up, I didn’t get along with the
other kids. I was more interested in the Flash and science than I was making
friends. Needless to say, I got bullied a lot. My only real friend was my Aunt
Iris and she lived in Central City. I went to visit her and Barry when I was
ten. They were only dating at the time, but I talked to Barry about the Flash
nonstop. I mean all the time. Barry made my little ten-year-old dreams come
true when he dressed up in his Flash uniform and sat with me for hours. I asked
how he got his powers. He told me about the notes and when he wasn’t looking I
swiped them. My parents had seen how happy I was. I had friends in my aunt’s
neighborhood that meet my obsession with pretty much everything. They moved to
Central City for me. So I could have friends. But that wasn’t enough. I tried
to recreate Barry’s experiment. I ended up blowing up the garage and nearly
dying on the way to the hospital. Twice. They stabilized me. Barry blamed
himself,” Wally sighs,” There were… unforeseen side effects.”
“Your speed?” She guesses.
“Yeah. That came in after my 11th birthday. But that wasn’t what I meant. My
powers themselves are stable, but there are times that they don’t cooperate.
But before they appeared, I got hurt. I had been cooking with my mom and the
knife I was using slipped. The cut wasn’t bad and it healed up in less than an
hour but I remember the feeling of relief that I got. Like all this weight of
just disappeared. My powers appeared not long after. When Barry was training
me, there were days that I made too many mistakes or I failed to help someone.
Someone got hurt. On top of the bullying at school, I couldn’t think of another
way to cope.”
“You were 11?” He nods. Her heart aches a bit.
“My powers definitely have contributed to it. I was a speedster, but my speed
seemed to change around. There were times I was faster than Barry and Jay.
Times I was slower. My connection with the speed force, the thing that makes
speedsters fast, is direct. But it’s also unstable.” Wally meets her eyes.
Furrowed eyebrows are the only indication that she’s paying attention,” I can’t
vibrate my molecules through things. Not because I’m not fast enough. Because
when I do, I make the object unstable. Things tend to explode.”
“That doesn’t explain-” He cuts her off.
“The cutting?” He shakes his head,” I’ve tried thinking of every possible
explanation. Anything to excuse what I did. I don’t know. When I was younger, I
was clumsy so no one thought much about it. It made me feel ok. Now, It feels
more like a punishment. I should be getting faster, making fewer mistakes. I’m
not though. I’m making more.”
“What happened today?” She hadn’t realized she was moving towards him until her
toes hit his jeans. She doesn’t move back.
“Dick and I were helping the CCPD with a hostage situation. This cop Uncle
Barry is friends with- was friends with got shot. I couldn’t get him out of the
way in time. He died in route to the hospital. He’s been to my house before. He
had a family.” Wally closes his eyes,” I knew I was fast enough to save him. I
should have been able to save him. But he-the bullet. I didn’t make it in time.
I got back to the cave and I just. I couldn’t handle it. I started, but I
couldn’t stop. I kept pushing down deeper and deeper. I remember falling to the
ground. Everything going black. I’m sorry, Arty. I never meant for any of you
to find out or get hurt. I’m so sorry.”
Wally stares down at his knees, shameful tears burning his eyes. Artemis looks
around her living room. There are few pictures of her, but they’re pretty
recent. Anything before her mom went to prison had been stowed away before her
dad had gotten home. Artemis speaks softly into the silence,” I was four the
first time I remember my dad calling me worthless.”
“Artemis, you don’t have to-”
“I need to.” She’d meant to say want, not need,” That was the first time I
remember, but I know it wasn’t the first time he did it. My childhood was full
of me being worthless or not good enough. After my mom went to jail, Dad only
got worse. He never hit me, unless you count training. Nothing I did was good
enough for him. I don’t remember him saying good job or I love you. Not once my
entire childhood. It took my mother months to get me to the point when I could
actually believe she loved me. But I don’t believe her some times. I get angry
and I have this need to punch something.”
She holds out her hands, the knuckles raw,” There’s an old punching bag in my
room. I kept hitting it until my hands bleed. Every mission that failed. Every
time we fought, even when we weren’t together, I would punch the bag until I
felt better. I had- have these ridiculous standards for myself. Something that
I’m never going to reach, but I want approval. I wanted to prove myself to
someone. Then maybe they’d love me.”
“Arty. I’m sorry.” Artemis stands up and walks out of the room. When she comes
back, Wally notices the knife in her hand. She sits down back next to him.
“Uh, Arty?” She places the knife in his hand and closes his hand around it,”
Artemis, what are you doing?”
“You told me you needed to do this, so do it. Not to you though,” She extends
her own arm. Wally sees the blank look in her eyes. The nothingness.
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I can’t hurt you like this.” She meets his eyes.
“Then why hurt yourself?” Something inside him deflated and for the first time
in years, he can breathe. She places the knife on the table and holds his
hand,” I’ve spent too much of my life pretending to be something I’m not.
Pretending to be someone I’m not. But I don’t want to pretend anymore. The
pretending has to stop.”
“I’m sorry,” Hot tears fall from Wally’s eyes,” Artemis, I’m so sorry.”
“I know.” She holds his hand as he cries, not sure what to do,” The League is
going to want to know what happened.”
“I figured.” He wipes his eyes,” I’m sorry.”
“Prove it. Promise me that you won’t hurt yourself every again.” She raises her
hand to cut off his protest,” Not for me. Promise me that you won’t hurt
yourself because you feel like you aren’t worth anything. Because you mean a
lot. To me, you mean a lot.”
“You mean a lot to me too.” She pulls his head forward, placing a firm kiss on
his forehead. He holds the back of her neck, keeping her from pulling too far
away,” You don’t ever have to worry about proving yourself to me. Never.”
Alone, they are a mix of scars and pain and anger. But together, maybe
something good could come out of them. Maybe, just maybe, they could heal.
End Notes
     I have two more chapters. Please let me know what you think! This is
     not ment to represent everyone who suffers from abuse, self-harm, or
     panic attacks.
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