Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3220844.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Football_RPF
  Relationship:
      Lionel_Messi/Neymar
  Character:
      Lionel_Messi, Neymar, mentions_of_others
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe, Slice_of_Life, 5_years_age-gap, Pining, Masturbation,
      Rating_will_go_up, suprisingly_bottom_Neymar, Anal_Sex
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-01-23 Completed: 2015-04-01 Chapters: 3/3 Words: 30715
****** Il suffirait de presque rien ******
by un_petit_peu_de_moi
Summary
     His new neighbors have two sons, both with long hair, but that's
     really the only thing they have in common. The elder is a strong and
     friendly 23 years old man. The younger is a small and quiet 15 years
     old boy, whose skin is pale and whose eyes are dark.
     Neymar befriends the both of them, but the boy's eyes - his eyes,
     they never stop being dark, and Neymar may be 19 but he's still too
     old to be pining after a teenager.
Notes
     So a while ago, I was wondering what would happen in a universe where
     Neymar is older than Leo. Not in our actual world- that's too
     complicated - but in another universe, where they go to school and
     such. So I did my best to fulfill my curiosity on this point, though
     I have someone to thank for fueling my imagination. (so thank you)
     Also, titles pain me, so I have decided I didn't care anymore if I
     used fancy-sounding French titles. Though, it does have a meaning -
     I'm referencing an old song by Serge Reggiani where a man tells a
     girl in love with him that's he too old for her. (well, admittedly,
     the age-gap is a lot more significant in the song)
     EDIT : For any Chinese reader out there, boil_for_fluff translated
     this fic into Chinese, so here_is_the_link.
     At any rate, it's definitely different from what I've already
     written, but I still hope you'll enjoy it !
***** Chapter 1 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
Neymar is nineteen, and he’s got a fancy flat in a fancy part of the town, that
isn’t too far away from college. His parents inherited the flat when his
grandma died, and Neymar has been freeloading it ever since he started college.
 
He’s studying languages in university, and it’s the beginning of his second
year. He isn’t sure what he wants to do after – maybe something in
communication and public relations. He doesn’t really care; he just wants to
meet people, talk to them and be with them.
 
There is a house in front of his apartment building, and the owner dies during
the summer – a nice old lady who gave Neymar cakes sometimes. The house is
bought by a family of four, with two sons, and rumor has it that’s it’s a
blended family.
 
Neymar rarely sees the parents, but he sees the sons. One is a guy of average
height, with a strong stature and long curly hair. He looks like he could be
tough, but he greets Neymar every time they meet with a smile on his face, and
when he discovers they go to the same university, he offers to ride Neymar
there every morning. His name is Carles. Carles Puyol, he says.
 
He sees the other son sometimes too. The boy is 15 and he has just started high
school, and from time to time, Carles gives him a ride. He never talks much in
the car – he’s quiet, but he looks Neymar in the eyes when he’s talking. He’s
nonchalant and discreet, and he always answers questions as concisely as
possible. He’s quite small – something like 5’5’’ – and he’s got long dark hair
that doesn’t quite reach his shoulders. He’s pale, really pale. His name is
Lionel, but Carles always call him Leo.
 
Leo’s name is sewed into the back of his coat, and it spells “Lionel Messi”.
Neymar thinks there might be some truth to these “blended family” rumors.
 
Neymar quickly become friends with Carles – or maybe it’s Carles that quickly
becomes friends with him. They haven’t known each other for long when Carles
tells him Leo and him don’t have the same parents. Carles’ mother is dead, and
Leo’s biological father has left Leo and his mom when he was still a baby.
Carles remembers his own mother, but Leo has never known anything but his mom.
Their little stitched up family got together ten years ago, and it’s his
family: Leo’s mother is his mother, and Leo is his brother – that’s what Carles
says. I don’t mind telling you my story, he says, because I’m not ashamed of my
family.
 
Neymar starts spending a lot of time at Carles’ place. He doesn’t like being
alone and alone is what he gets if he goes back to his flat. And when Carles
discovers Neymar is living his life on take-out and that the reason he has no
white clothes is because he doesn’t know how to make them stay white, Carles
starts helping him with his daily choirs and he invites him over for dinner
every night.
 
Carles and Leo’s parents are rarely there – all the time he stayed over to eat,
he has never once eaten with them. Their mother is a human rights lawyer, and
his father is a war doctor. Prestigious jobs, really, but they’re almost never
here and Leo looks bitter when they are.
 
Well, Neymar has been crashing the Messi-Puyol household for a while now, and
he still doesn’t know anything substantive about Leo. He only knows what Carles
tells him: that he’s good in math but he doesn’t know what to do after high
school; that he likes sports but he loves naps more; that they have been there
almost two months now and Leo still doesn’t have any friends. Carles worries
about that; he worries about Leo.
 
Neymar barely sees Leo, because the boy is always locked up in his room
upstairs, and he never eats with Carles and him. Sometimes he comes down when
they are already done, and sometimes Carles is the one to bring him food.
Carles says it’s been like that for a while, because Leo dislikes the fact that
it’s only the two of them when they eat – Carles and Leo, without their
parents. He says it’s even worse ever since they moved, because Leo has friends
back in Rosario, and he left them all behind.
 
Still, when Leo rides Carles’ car with him, he’s polite. Not talkative, and not
loud, but he still mutters “good morning” every time, and he smiles politely
when Neymar greets him. He stares at Neymar sometimes, when Neymar starts
singing in the car, loudly, and Neymar knows he sings badly but he doesn’t
care. Carles chuckles and Leo keeps quiet about it, but when he fails to hit a
particularly high note, he sees Leo’s lips twitch in the mirror.
 
Neymar thinks Leo looks kind of cute, when he smiles.
 
 
--
 
Leo’s fifteen, and his voice is already broken. It’s low and deep, but he
doesn’t talk much, doesn’t talk enough, and Neymar wants to hear more.
 
--
 
 
In November, Carles starts studying for his mid-term exam – well Carles is
always studying for his mid-term exams, but the shit is getting real now – but
Neymar keeps coming over. He does nothing, just plays video games until dinner,
and it’s better than playing video games alone in his flat, but still – Neymar
gets bored.
 
After three days of this, he decides there’s another human in this house, and
that – seeing as he’s a guest – it’s his duty to entertain him. (He’s a weird
guess admittedly, who spends more time here than at his own place, and who eats
there almost every single night.)
 
Neymar goes upstairs, and stops just in front of Leo’s door. Such a mysterious
door. Always closed, and he never hears anything coming from behind it. No
music, no heavy steps. No words and no laughter. He doesn’t know Leo much, and
yet he feels sad for the boy, feels sad for him because he truly doesn’t have
any friends, and he’s already been there three months. Sometimes, the phone
rings, and it’s one of his friend from Rosario. Leo dashes downstairs to snatch
the phone from Carles’ hand and he isolates himself somewhere quiet to talk.
 
Talk. Neymar has a hard time imagining Leo holding a phone conversation. Maybe
it’s the other person doing the talking. Maybe Leo needs to be talked to more
than he needs to talk to people.
 
Neymar opens Leo’s door, barging into the room with panache and splendor.
 
He smiles with all his teeth at Leo who looks up startled from where he’s doing
his homework at his desk (how boring).
 
“Do you… need something?” Leo asks, puzzled but trying to be polite, even
though there’s a spark of annoyance in his eyes. Annoyance – that’s something
new, and Neymar tries to remember that: the flash of irritation in Leo’s eyes,
the underlying aggravation at Neymar barging in like he owns the place.
 
“Not really, thanks” Neymar answers, and he takes in Leo’s room. This is a very
white room, with two lonely pictures framed on a shelf, some books and some
comics – but not too many – a little TV and video games, and a bed neatly done.
The walls are white, and there is a large board on one of them, except there’s
nothing on this board. It’s empty, even though it looks like the kind of board
which is supposed to be filled with pictures and souvenirs.
 
“What are you doing?” Leo asks, frowning as Neymar starts looking around the
room, kneeling down to watch under the bed. “Hey, stop!” He says, catching his
wrist as he starts opening drawers.
 
Neymar wriggles his eyebrows. “Why? What are you hiding? Is it dirty?” Leo
looks taken aback by Neymar’s actions and Neymar uses his confusion to yank the
drawer open, snatching briefs out.
 
“Ooooh”, he calls, getting away from Leo’s grabby hands “SpongeBob
Squarepants!” he brandishes the underwear and waves it around, and Leo looks
annoyed now, but there’s also a soft hue of pink on his pale cheeks. Neymar
thinks it must be impractical being so pale, because everyone knows when you’re
blushing.
 
“My friends bought it for me as a joke.” Leo mumbles, and he yanks the briefs
away, shoving them back into the drawer.
 
“You have friends?”
 
Neymar never thinks much before talking, and he bites his lips in remorse as
soon as the words leave his mouth. Leo freezes for a second, before relaxing
marginally – he’s been tense ever since Neymar entered his room.
 
“From Rosario, where we came from.” Leo mutters, and he drags his feet back to
his desk, sitting down heavily.
 
There are only two pictures on the shelf – one of his family, and the other of
a group young boys smiling, and among them is Leo, grinning widely.
 
“Why don’t you have any friends here?” Neymar knows he’s being tactless at this
point, but he doesn’t get Leo, and he’s curious. At worst, Leo will get angry
at him, and he’s fine with that. He’s fine with Leo’s anything as long as there
are emotions on his face.
 
Leo shrugs, pretending to be invested in his work again, “I’m not very good at
it.”
 
“Well, if you made friends once, you can probably do it again, can’t you?”
 
Leo side-eyes him from his desk, and fumbles with his pen, “I met them because
of football.”
 
That catches Neymar’s attention. “You play football too?! That’s great! We
should play together some times!” he grins and get all up in Leo’s personal
space. Leo jolts back when Neymar grabs his arms. Their faces are only inches
apart, and Leo’s eyes are almost crossed looking at him. He opens his mouth to
answer, but Neymar cuts him before the subject can be changed.
 
“Why don’t you join the football club then? You could meet people there.”
 
Leo frowns, and shakes him off. He grumbles something, and feigns going back to
his homework. After a full minute, where Neymar doesn’t move at all, staying
inches away from Leo – which has got to be disturbing when you’re trying to
work – Leo quietly mumbles, “It won’t change me being weird.”
 
Neymar feels his chest tightens when he hears Leo’s quiet voice, admitting it
like it’s a fatality he’s resolved himself to but that he still feels ashamed
of. Neymar doesn’t know Leo much, but Leo seems like a good boy. He’s not very
talkative, but he’s polite and cute. Neymar likes the boy – strangely – and at
any rate, nobody deserves to think lowly of themselves.
 
Neymar clears his throat, and he moves back, flopping down on Leo’s bed.
 
“What are you doing? Can’t you leave?”
 
Quiet but not a pushover, Neymar thinks, laughing, because Leo isn’t pretending
to be polite here; his tone is annoyed and he’s staring at him pointedly.
 
Neymar props himself up on his elbow. “Nope, I’m staying here. Your brother is
busy and I’m bored.”
 
Leo groans but he doesn’t try to physically kick him out, which Neymar takes as
a good thing. He stays in Leo’s room, and starts chatting away, commenting on
random things he thinks about – TV shows, Carle’s hair, the fact that his wall
is as pale as his skin and that if they were to play hide-and-seek he’d only
need to plaster himself against it not to be found. Leo mostly says nothing,
but sometimes he snorts and bites something back. Other times, his lips twitch
and there’s a small smile playing at the corner of his mouth – and these are
Neymar’s favorite times.
 
Neymar watches Leo working. Leo looks very focused, his hands somehow large for
his size, scribbling away on a notebook. His hair cascades down over his face,
and he keeps tucking it behind his ears. Sometimes, he catches Leo smile at his
jokes, and Leo’s smile—Leo smiling looks happy, genuinely happy and excited
like a child, and it’s the dumbest and cutest smile Neymar has ever seen. And
when he stops smiling, his face goes back to his neutral state, in between
passive and uninterested.
 
Carles’ head pokes in tentatively at 8 pm, and he does a double-take when he
sees Neymar there.
 
“I was wondering where you were.” He looks puzzled as to why Neymar’s here,
lying leisurely on Leo’s bed, but he doesn’t question it. “Dinner will be ready
in 10. I assume you’re eating there tonight, right?”
 
Neymar grins up, looking at Carles upside-down. His bowel movement has never
been as normal as nowadays; no way is he going back to living his life on take-
outs.
 
“As I thought.” He glances at Leo, “You’re welcome to come too, Leo.” He says
softly, gazing at Leo with affection and grief. He closes the door when he
leaves, and Neymar sits up, looking at Leo’s unfazed face.
 
“You should go for the football club, you know.”
 
Leo freezes, his pen stopping in mid-air. His eyes look unfocused for a moment,
and then he’s frowning, looking irritated – almost angry – as he turns to
Neymar.
 
Neymar speaks up before Leo has the time to say anything, “Even if you don’t
make any friends there, at least it will keep you occupied. There’s no point
spending your days locked up in your room,” Neymar stands up and gestures to
the whole room, “There’s nothing here. Not even you.”
 
He leaves before Leo can protest. Before he enters the kitchen to join Carles,
he stops and hits his head against a wall, groaning. That had been oh so
sensitive of him, 10/10 on life advice from a guy who couldn’t sort his dirty
laundry. Now Leo is going to hate him. There goes his befriending attempt.
 
He sits at the table, a bit sulkily, ready to partake in Carles’ homemade
lasagna for comfort when he hears shuffling at the entrance of the kitchen.
Carles stops in the middle of sitting down, and Neymar turns to see Leo there,
standing awkwardly at the doorstep. Leo glances briefly at the table – three
plates, always three, because Carles always has hope – and he shuffles his way
to his place, his oversized pants dragging on the floor and his hair falling in
his eyes.
 
He sits down heavily, and immediately serves himself. He starts digging into
his plate, but after some seconds he seems to get annoyed with the creepy
staring and he levels both Carles and he with an annoyed look.
 
“I thought I was welcomed to eat, but I can leave if I bother you.”
 
He says that a bit sulkily, like a vexed child, and ‘that’s cute’ is the only
thing that comes to Neymar’s mind, so he laughs. Leo’s lips twitch a bit as
Neymar’s laugh – probably because Neymar’s laugh sometimes sounds like whales
wailing, but even if that’s the case, Neymar is happy anyway.
 
Carles is quick to refute Leo’s statement and he’s trying not to let it show
too much, Neymar knows, but he looks ecstatic and relieved.
 
Leo doesn’t talk for the whole dinner. He looks at Carles and him in turn,
depending on who’s talking. He’s listening to them chat about random things –
university, Neymar’s neighbors, Carle’s girlfriend, Neymar’s fashion choices.
He’s listening to it all, sometimes nodding along, sometimes frowning, and
sometimes snorting. He smiles and laughs a bit too, even if it’s mostly when
Carles makes fun of Neymar.
 
Neymar probably shouldn’t be noticing each and every of his smiles, each and
every times his lips so much as twitch, but he does anyway, keeping a vigilant
eyes on Leo despite himself.
 
 
--
 
Leo’s fifteen and he shouldn’t be as interesting to Neymar as he is, but Neymar
finds himself enraptured by the boy anyway.
 
--
 
 
The thing is: Carles has a girlfriend. So when he gets out of his room after
hours of studying, she’s the one he wants to see. Carles’ girlfriend is pretty
and nice and together they already act like a couple. Neymar feels they might
start talking about kids and family dinners at any time.
 
Carles is taken, and Neymar doesn’t mind much. He bothers Leo instead. And Leo
lets him.
 
Neymar knows Leo lets him because there is a lock on his door and he never uses
it, no matter how many times he complains when Neymar barges in. Day by day,
he’s wearing Leo’s barriers down – though, to be honest, those aren’t really
barriers. Leo is a bit introverted but he’s just passive and quiet. The way
Leo’s letting him in – Neymar thinks Leo wants to get used to Neymar, and that
he wants to befriend him just as much as Neymar does.
 
Sometimes, they play video games together. They play FIFA, and they’re quite
even at the game, but the first time Leo starts losing, he quits the game
before it’s over and he sulks, and Neymar laughs so much he starts crying.
 
Sometimes Neymar studies in Leo’s room, and Neymar hates studying, so he tends
to space out, listening to Leo breathe instead of learning.
 
They talk football sometimes, and Leo is actually really knowledgeable and
passionate about the sport. Neymar also discovers that Leo makes horrible,
terrible jokes that are so unfunny Neymar can’t help but laugh. At first he
wondered if his jokes were so bad because he’d lost the habit of joking with
people, but even after some weeks, his jokes still are the worst Neymar has
ever heard.
 
Sometimes, the phone rings, and Carles tells Leo it’s from Rosario, and Neymar
won’t see him for at least one hour. When he comes back, he always look both
sad and happy, like he can’t quite decide if he’s glad to hear from his friends
or depressed that he can’t be with them anymore.
 
Neymar asks him about the picture on his shelf, of a group of young boys
smiling. Leo tells him the name of each boy in the picture, but Neymar can’t
remember them. Sometimes, he tells him stories about Rosario, and when Neymar
looks puzzled at the names, he shows him the picture again, says each name
again, but Neymar always forgets.
 
The thing is, when Leo sits next to him and shows him this picture, his head
down and his hair falling over his face, they sit so close that their thighs
are touching. And Leo smells nice.
 
Neymar remembers boys his age, and they all smelt like sweat and deodorant. Leo
doesn’t, not really. Or maybe his deodorant is actually effective where most
fails – but at any rate, Neymar keeps sniffing him when Leo is close enough.
 
He’s a bit enraptured by his hair too. It doesn’t reach his shoulders, not
quite, and he mostly tucks it behind his ears. Sometimes, it looks greasy, and
Neymar makes fun of Leo until he washes it. When he’s fresh out of the shower –
when he’s clean – his hair look soft and silky, and Neymar wants to pass his
fingers through it.
 
Neymar has really poor impulse controls, and he doesn’t torment himself for too
long before he gives in and touches Leo’s hair. Leo is startled, asking Neymar
what he’s doing, but he doesn’t stop him, and Neymar takes that as a free-pass
to touch his hair whenever he wants.
 
So when Leo shows him this photo (again), talks about his friends (again),
Neymar sometimes tuck his hair behind his ears himself, tugs on it, or makes
tiny braids that have Leo groaning when he tries to gets them off. Neymar plays
with his hair as Leo talks, his voice low, and he watches Leo’s face.
 
Leo isn’t handsome, not really, but he isn’t ugly either. He’s somehow cute,
somehow not cute at all. Sometimes his face is very serious, dark eyes focused,
and it makes Neymar shiver. Other times – like when he remembers his days in
Rosario – he looks happy, and dumb, and sweet.
 
Neymar doesn’t really understand why he’s so invested in Leo, why he’s trying
to spend as much time with him as possible. He doesn’t get why, but Leo is
small and compact, his clothes too large on him even though he’s not skinny,
and he looks squishy.
 
So Neymar is slowly eating at Leo’s personal space too. Sitting close, touching
his hair, hugging him to say hello, hugging him to say goodbye. When Leo’s
sitting on his chair, working, he hovers behind him, hugs him from behind to
get his attention when Leo’s spends too much time on his homework.
 
Leo loves naps too, and that’s boring. Leo is cute when he sleeps, but Neymar
wants to cuddle him, and he doesn’t quite think Leo would appreciate being
spooned. Neymar doesn’t even know why he wants to touch Leo that much. He wants
Leo to get out of his shell, to open up to him – but that doesn’t quite explain
why he shivers when Leo’s hand brushes against his.
 
Leo eats with Carles and him now. He does so every night, and as times goes by,
he talks more and more. He answers Carles’ questions about his day, he shares
some things with them too – things he learnt in schools or saw on TV. Carles
looks happy.
 
(One night, Leo tells an awful, awful joke that makes Neymar laugh for how
horrible Leo is at telling jokes. When Leo goes back to his room, Carles cries,
hugging Neymar and telling him ‘thank you’ even though Neymar wasn’t the one
who told Leo that horrible joke in the first place.)
 
About one month passes like that.
 
Neymar’s greatest achievement is Leo’s photo board: only one month and there’s
already two photos on it. Admittedly, they have been pinned there by Neymar
himself. One is a selfie he took of himself making faces at the camera as Leo
can be seen sleeping in the background. The other picture is of Leo and Carles.
Leo is smiling dumbly, covered in chocolate, and Carles is laughing, equally
dirty – as one is bound to be after a food fight.
 
Leo’s hair is long in the picture – too long, getting in his eyes. He remembers
helping Leo washes his hair after, in the sink. He had used the opportunity to
cut Leo’s hair a bit too. Leo had squinted when Neymar had offered, looking
pointedly at his hair, but he’d ultimately accepted. Neymar had been careful,
trying not to stare at Leo’s eyes and eyelashes as he cut his bangs. The result
wasn’t bad – it was good enough.
 
Neymar found himself in charge of Leo’s hair after that. Admittedly, that’s a
charge he took upon himself, but he still takes it very seriously, because
long-haired teenage boys all seem to think their hair doesn’t need to be
washed.
 
He gave Leo a dozen of hair-care product, which, obviously, Leo threw away.
Yet, when Neymar went into his bathroom, he saw one lonely bottle of shampoo
that Neymar had given him. Twelve products, only one remains, and Neymar thinks
it's a good metaphor for Leo in general: you have to give him tons of things
for him to accept only one. He mumbles when Neymar praises him because he got
good grades, mumbles when Neymar tells him his skin is soft, he mumbles when
Neymar tells him he’s nice because he’s helping him out with administrative
papers Neymar understands nothing of. But sometimes Neymar says his friends
look like nice people, and his face lights up, smiling widely, and Neymar
doesn’t really get Leo and his dumb smile and his pale skin, but he watches
anyway.
 
 
--
 
Leo is fifteen, and Neymar is nineteen when he sneaks a hand down his own
underwear for the first time, lying on his bed, remembering Leo’s scent and his
hair and his eyes as he brings himself off and shamefully comes in his hands,
sighing Leo’s name.
 
--
 
 
Leo comes back late one day, in January, and Carles and he worries for a full
hour, before Leo passes the threshold of the house. They wait for him, fully
determined to block his way until they know why he’s late when he has never
been before.
 
“Where were you?” Carles isn’t even trying to hide the worry in his voice.
 
“I… I was with some friends” Leo mutters, a bit shyly, and he glances at Neymar
quickly, before meeting Carles’ eyes with defiance.
 
Carles freezes, mouth hanging open, and then his whole body comes to life, and
he starts asking all sort of questions to Leo with a big grin on his face, and
Neymar nods at each questions to show he wants the answers too.
 
Leo doesn’t answer, just huffs and goes to his room. It’s a bit mysterious, but
Carles and he exchange a happy smile anyway, because it’s good news. It’s good
news.
 
Neymar found himself to be desperate for Leo to have friends, or at least to be
happy – and he doesn’t look happy, alone in his room like that. Leo looks happy
when he is with Neymar and Carles, but they aren’t always there – sometimes
Neymar has friends to see and places to be – and Neymar knows Leo doesn’t do
anything but sleep and study when he isn’t here. So for him to have friends –
Neymar is curious, but mostly, overjoyed.
 
Neymar spends the evening with Carles, until he leaves to meet with his
girlfriend. Neymar stays to eat some leftovers, except when he goes to the
kitchen, he discovers with horror that there are none. There are some rice and
some eggs though, and Neymar resolves to make something with it when Leo comes
down, wandering into the kitchen and stopping dead in his tracks when he sees
Neymar takes a knife out.
 
“I—” he frowns, “I actually don’t feel safe now.”
 
“Hey! I can make a mean risotto.”
 
Leo shakes his head, “I can cook something if you want”
 
Neymar perks up at that, and he lets everything he’s doing to stare at Leo
hopefully, “You can cook?”
 
There’s a flash of relief on Leo’s face as soon as Neymar lets go of the knife,
“Well, a bit. Better than you anyway,” which Neymar thinks is unfair – that
time he had to crash their place for a week because his kitchen had caught fire
had been an exceptional and isolated event.
 
Leo pushes him over, and Neymar sits back and watches him cook. He doesn’t make
something fancy or complicated, but it’s tasty enough and Neymar wolfs down
everything.
 
They wash the dishes together after that, and Neymar keeps on probing him on
his mysterious friends, until Leo smiles shyly and tells him it’s two guys
named Gerard and Cesc, and that they are part of the football club.
 
“The football club?” Then it hits Neymar, “Wait, you joined it?!”
 
Leo nods, “Yeah, kind of…”
 
“When?”
 
“I don’t know, maybe a month ago.”
 
Neymar’s eyebrows rise in shock, “One month and that’s the first time I hear
about it?” He knows Leo is secretive, but that’s still a bit depressing than he
hasn’t noticed anything in one month.
 
Leo smiles sheepishly, and Neymar can’t help but grin because fuck, that’s
still amazing. “It’s great Leo!” And he flushes Leo against his chest
enthusiastically.
 
Leo hugs back briefly, and he rarely does that. It sends flutters down Neymar’s
stomach when Leo’s arms wrap around his back. Leo’s arms are surprisingly
strong, and Neymar wants to clench his hands into the fabric of Leo’s hoodie.
 
Neymar lets him go, and thriving on his success, he decides to probe some more.
 
“So many things you’re hiding. Are you hiding a girlfriend too? Are you
interested in someone?”
 
Leo looks caught off-guard by the sudden change in topic, but he shrugs his
shoulders noncommittally.
 
“Come on, you’re a teenage boy. You’ll be sixteen in some months; you probably
spend your time thinking about those things.” Neymar wriggles his eyebrows to
punctuate his sentence.
 
Leo shakes his head, “Not really. And people aren’t attracted to me anyway.”
 
“Why, why wouldn’t they?” Neymar grins, “I think you’re fine. You’re cute and
you have flowing hair.”
 
(‘I am attracted to you’– that he keeps to himself.)
 
Neymar smirks, “You’re a bit short though.”
 
Leo looks simultaneously embarrassed and annoyed, “So what? I don’t mind being
short.”
 
“Really?” Leo nods, “It doesn’t annoy you? Come on, that’s not fun!”
 
Leo shakes his head, a smile at the corner of his mouth, and Neymar catches his
shoulder to keep him from turning back to the sink, “But for real, you know
what makes girls swoons?” he points at Leo’s stomach, “abs.”
 
“I doubt it’s enough to attract anyone.”
 
“Well it’s a good first step. And you only say that because you never tried.
Look, you need to get it hard and defined!” as he talks, Neymar blindly yanks
up Leo’s hoodie and spreads his palm over Leo’s stomach.
 
Leo catches his wrist – a bit too late – and Neymar freezes, because Leo’s abs
are tense and hard under his palm, and when he looks down, they’re already
defined and pretty.
 
“Uh, right, football practices.”
 
Leo looks weird, uncomfortable, and the hand on his wrist tightens.
 
“Well, that’s nice.” Neymar says shakily, and Leo looks torn, hastily pushing
him away. He mutters something about Neymar washing the dishes alone, and then
he practically runs out of the kitchen. Neymar barely hears the door of his
room slam over the sound of his own heartbeat, thundering away in his ears.
 
His skin tingles where Leo’s hand was holding him, and Leo is strong already –
stronger than some months ago, and he’s still growing.
 
Neymar closes his eyes, trying to calm down.
 
 
--
 
Leo is fifteen, and Neymar can’t stop lusting after him. When he jerks himself
off that night, he imagines leading Leo through his first time. He imagines Leo
fumbling with the lube, he imagines him shy and sensitive as Neymar sucks him
off. He’s close to coming when he remembers Leo’s dark eyes when he’s serious,
when he’s focused and when he looks at Neymar disapprovingly because he’s
trying to avoid studying – he stares him down even though Neymar’s taller until
Neymar gives in and study. He imagines Leo looking at him like that, and that’s
neither shy nor hesitant, and Neymar comes hard moaning Leo’s name.
 
--
 
 
It’s early February and Neymar if going to turn 20. It’s an exciting number,
and he planes a big party in his fancy flat, invites all his friends, his whole
class, his whole prom, his sister, his high-school friends – everyone that has
ever given him a friendly vibe. Neymar is going to turn 20 and he wants
everyone to remember it.
 
He’s talking excitedly with Carles about the party, telling him about how all
of his friends will be there and he absolutely has to come, and Carles promises
he’ll come and make him a big big cake. He tells Carles to come dressed in red,
because that’s the theme of the party.
 
“I don’t have any red cloth.”
 
“Hm?” That's Leo's voice, and Neymar’s attention is directed towards him. He’s
drinking an orange juice with a straw, frowning. “You’re not invited anyway.”
Neymar answers, a bit absent-mindedly, watching Leo’s lips as he sucks on his
straw.
 
Leo’s mouth opens, letting the straw out, and his lips press together tightly.
 
“What?”
 
“Ah, you can’t come to the party.”
 
He’s about to say more, but Leo glares at him. He looks hurt, terribly vexed,
but he’s also glaring at him fiercely, angrily – and that’s the point where
Neymar should be explaining things but his words are caught in his throat and
Leo storms out of the kitchen before Neymar has the time to say anything.
 
There’s several seconds of silence where Neymar’s mouth hangs open, unsaid
words at the tip of his tongue. Carles clears his throat.
 
“That’s the first time I see him get angry for something like that.” He says,
and Neymar knows what he means by ‘something like that’.
 
Leo’s angry because Neymar refused to invite him to his party, and that’s a bit
childish of him but until two months ago Leo didn’t have any friend here, and
Neymar wouldn’t have imagined Leo getting angry at not being invited. Two
months ago, Leo probably didn’t expect anyone to invite him to anything.
 
Now, Leo had obviously expected to be invited – which, which was a good thing
actually – but Neymar would have thought rejection would have made him sad or
vexed, sure, but not angry. Angry enough that Neymar’s heart is beating faster,
because he feels like he did something bad and what the fuck kind of feeling is
that? Sure, he doesn’t want to upset Leo, but he didn’t do anything wrong, he
was just distracted for some seconds and that delayed his explanation.
 
Neymar climbs the stairs to Leo’s room, and tries to open his door only to find
it locked.
 
“Really Leo? Locking your door?”
 
Silence.
 
“That’s ridiculous.”
 
No answer, so Neymar starts knocking on the door.
 
“Come on Leo, open the door.”
 
Still no answer.
 
Neymar snorts, “What’s up with you throwing temper tantrums like that?” He
waits a bit, but the door still doesn’t open, “Really, you’re going to sulk?
How mature of you.”
 
Leo doesn’t answer, and Neymar frowns, getting a bit agitated. He knocks harder
on the door, calling Leo’s name. He knocks for several minutes, and Leo doesn’t
even answer him, and fuck fuck fuck, Neymar’s starting to be uneasy and
frustrated, and frustration makes him angry. Leo didn’t even let him explain,
and why is he angry now of all time? Why not when Neymar broke his favorite
game, or when he sent pictures of Leo’s nostrils to his friends?
 
He bangs on the door. “Leo, open the door, you’re acting like a fucking child,
just talk to me.” Leo still doesn’t open, he still doesn’t answer, and Neymar
should probably make fun of him to bait him out but he can’t. He’s got a lump
in his throat suddenly, because Leo’s door is closed, and it has never been
closed before, and Leo won’t listen to him; he won’t come out.
 
Neymar feels useless, and lost, and he bangs on the door, a bit desperately,
“Leo, let me in, please, you’re acting like a child and—”
 
The door flies open, and there stands Leo, his eyes piercing Neymar and pinning
him on the spot.
 
“So what if I’m acting like a child? You always treat me like one anyway.”
 
“I d—”
 
Leo cuts him off, “Can’t I act like a child now, when you said you were
inviting all of your friends to your birthday, and yet you don’t want to invite
me?”
 
Neymar stares at Leo dumbly, eyes wide and mouth open in shock. Leo looks hurt,
on top of his anger, and seeing Leo hurt pains him more than he expected. Leo
has some much issue with friendship and friends, and Neymar realizes he might
have acted like an asshole.
 
“It’s not—that’s not what I meant. You’re my friend, you are—”
 
“Then why can’t I come to your birthday?”
 
“Because— there will only be adults here.” It seems to puzzle Leo, which is
better than sadness or anger, so Neymar goes on, “People my age or older, and
there will be lots of alcohol. I don’t want you to be here, in this kind of
party. Carles wouldn’t let me for one, and I won’t be able to relax if I can’t
know where you are at any given moment.”
 
“You don’t have to babysit me; I can take care of myself.”
 
“No you can’t, you’re too young, you’re—”
 
“A child?” Leo looks irked, “Stop already with this ‘you’re a child’ charade.
Stop trying to pretend you’re so much older than me. You’re barely 20. You cry
every time we watch a Disney movie and you flinch when things get violent in
Game of Thrones. You can’t cook to save your life and you know shits about
politics. You’re not an adult, and if I’m a child then so are you.”
 
Neymar is frozen on the spot. He’s unable to do or say anything. He can’t— he
can’t say anything back, because Neymar knows he isn’t the mature adult he’s
trying to look like. He knows Leo isn’t the child he’s trying to convince
himself that he is – he knows that, obviously he knows that; he’s jerking
himself off thinking about Leo not being a child.
 
When Neymar finds his voice back, it comes out barely above a whisper, and it’s
hoarse and shaky.
 
“I still can’t invite you. I’ll be worried the whole night if I let you in
there.”
 
His voice is shaky, he realizes, because he’s apprehensive. He doesn’t want Leo
to get mad again, and he still hasn’t digested the full extent of the words Leo
had shouted at him.
 
Leo studies him for a second, and he doesn’t look very convinced but he nods,
and Neymar can breathe normally again.
 
“And we can see each other, if you want. For lunch for example; I can take you
out for lunch.”
 
Leo nods again, “Okay.”
 
“We could invite Carles too.” Neymar finds the need to keep talking, until Leo
stop piercing him with his eyes like that.
 
Leo shakes his head, “No, Carles gets to come to your party, so he doesn’t get
to come to lunch.”
 
He sounds petulant when he says that, like a child, and the uneasiness inside
Neymar dissipates, because he’s more familiar with this Leo than with the angry
one.
 
 
--
 
Leo is fifteen, and Neymar is nineteen, and yet he sometimes feels like Leo
could have the upper-hand if he wished – he could tell Neymar what to do, and
how to do it, and Neymar would obey.
 
--
 
 
Some days later, it’s his birthday and he takes Leo out like he promised.
Carles takes care of the preparations for the party while he’s away, and Leo
and he go to a nice place – nothing fancy, but no fast food either. It’s nice.
 
Leo still looks a bit sour that he can’t come to his birthday, but he’s there,
and he tells Neymar about his next football game without Neymar’s asking.
 
(Neymar and Carles go to Leo’s matches, and Neymar has to admit Leo is really
good. He’s so short and so small, and yet he winds through defenders like they
mean nothing– Neymar got the weirdest boner when he saw Leo play for the first
time, but he has it under control now, and he waits until he’s alone before
putting a hand on his dick.)
 
“Won’t your parents be back for your next game? That’s cool; they’ll be able to
assist to the match!” Neymar grins, because Leo’s parents are almost never
there, so that’s good news, right?
 
Apparently, not so much, because Leo looks sour again.
 
“What’s the point? Them assisting to one game won’t change my life or theirs.”
 
Neymar’s smile falters. Leo is pushing his food around on his plate with his
fork, and he looks like he’s about to sulk.
 
“They’ll be here for one week, and then they leave again. They won’t be
remembering this match two weeks after, when they’re busy doing the things they
do. I told dad I got into the football club, but when they called some days
ago, he had forgotten about it.”
 
Leo mutters, his head down, hair falling over his face. Neymar’s chest tightens
as he watches Leo, and he doesn’t really know what to say to comfort him, yet
comforting Leo is the only thing he wants.
 
“I’m sure he didn’t do it on purpose… He’s probably really busy with his job,
and—”
 
“I know he didn’t do it on purpose!” Leo almost shouts, “Nobody forgets things
on purpose. But this is the kind of thing you’re also supposed to remember, and
not purposefully either. You just remember it because you care.”
 
“Leo…”
 
Leo’s voice turns low again. “I remember when I was a child, and we had dinner
together, all four of us. I can’t remember the last time it happened.”
 
Carles had told him that when their parents came over, Leo didn’t come down. He
stayed up locked in his room for dinner, even though he ate together with
Carles and Neymar now. That pained Carles, and the last time his parents came,
he asked Neymar to take Leo to his flat, so he wouldn’t eat alone.
 
“You could eat with them when they come.”
 
Leo snorts, “Yeah, but that still wouldn’t be the same.”
 
A heavy silence settles between them. Neymar has a hard time swallowing, his
mind racing fast to come up with things to say. It’s normal that Leo resents
his parents for not being there – they are missing an important part of his
life, and Neymar can’t imagine what that’s like. But he also knows from first-
hand experience that Leo isn’t happier eating with him in his flat when his
parents are there. Leo wants to see his parents because he loves them – and
that’s why he resents them in the first place isn’t it? And Leo's parents –
they’re busy being good people in other places, and they forget to be good
people here; good parents. They did look tired and sad the last time Neymar saw
them, but they are good people. They’re going at it wrong, but there’s nothing
Neymar can tell them; he can only reach Leo.
 
“It’s still not the same now.” Leo says quietly, startling Neymar out of his
thoughts. “But…” he looks up at him earnestly, “I’m glad you’re eating with us
now, even if you suck at cooking and we have to take care of you.”
 
A shocked laughter leaves Neymar’s throat, and he stares at Leo with wide eyes.
 
“It won’t be the same, but if you ate at home, the next time my parents come… I
might come too.”
 
Neymar is surprised, but he feels himself smile affectionately. Leo’s words and
actions in the last few days tells him more about the way Leo feels about him
than all the things that happened between them before that.
 
Leo’s lips quirk into a smirk, “I wouldn’t want to miss you trying to explain
to them that you’re here every day because your neighbors forbad you from using
your own kitchen.”
 
Neymar laughs whole heartedly, and Leo giggles dumbly too. That’s new – Leo
being the one to defuse a tense atmosphere. Neymar has been quite useless and
helpless at comforting Leo today, and he doesn’t like that. He wants to be able
to make Leo feel better, because Leo can make him feel better – he made him
feel better now, and his chest feels warm, and he can’t stop laughing, because
Leo cares, goddamn it, he cares.
 
 
--
 
Leo is fifteen, and Neymar is twenty now, and he wants Leo to be fine, he wants
him to be happy, he wants him to be healthy and to smile, to laugh and to love.
He wants Leo to have everything, and he wants to give Leo everything. He wants
Leo.
 
--
 
 
Leo’s parents are supposed to come to his birthday. They talked about it the
last time they came, and Neymar had watched Leo’s face, seen him trying to
repress the joy he felt. His parents had looked happy too, glad they could make
it to their son’s birthday, glad they would get to be here for that, at least.
 
The thing is, they can’t make it to Leo’s birthday. Leo doesn’t react when
Carles tells him, but he’s haggard and apathetic the whole week. Neymar has to
physically drag him down to eat (well, he says physically, but Leo is stronger
than him now, and Neymar knows Leo just let him).
 
Carles and Neymar do their best to cheer him up, and even if his parents can’t
come, they still throw one big-ass birthday party, with lots of foods, and they
invite Leo’s friends from school. Ever since he joined the football club, he
seems to have become popular, and it seems not a single member of his team has
it in him to hate him. Actually, judging from those times he saw them play,
they all seem to like him, ruffling his hair and hugging him when he scores.
 
(Neymar is jealous of that, because he wants to do that to, but mostly, it
warms his heart – it warms his heart because Leo deserves the love, he fucking
deserves it.)
 
They also get some of his friend from Rosario to come – three boys. There’s a
rather tall one with a stern stance and creepy judgmental eyes. There is
another one who, like Leo, seems to think long hair is the trendiest haircut,
and he keeps it greasy like every boy his age, but he’s fun and outgoing so
there’s that. The last one is outgoing too, as well as loud and exuberant. He’s
sort of funny, but also a bit lame, and for some reason, he distrusts Neymar
and Neymar distrusts him back.
 
The first boy is called Javier, but Neymar get the urge to call him by his last
name, not to show him any disrespect; the second one goes by the name Pocho,
and the first thing the third one tells him is to call him Kun, so Neymar
doesn’t.
 
Leo is surprised when he comes home and they’re all here, but he smiles, a
really big smile, and he looks stupid as hell, and when Leo comes to thank him
later, looking emotional, Neymar squeezes him hard, and Leo squeezes back just
as hard, laughing.
 
It’s a great night.
 
Neymar offers Leo a cellphone. Leo looks surprised, but Neymar smiles, and
tells him it’s easier than using the house phone and Leo grins back and hugs
him again.
 
The first thing Leo does is put Kun’s number in his phone though, and Neymar
squints and almost wants to take it back. He doesn’t even ask for Neymar’s
number, and Neymar feels insulted. But Leo looks happy, like he’s not thinking
about his parents’ absence at all, and Neymar doesn’t care about a stupid cell
phone, he just wants Leo to enjoy this.
 
Apart from Carles and him, there are only teenagers, and thus Carles banned
alcohol. Neymar still sneaked in a beer and he drinks it in front of the Kun
boy to spite him, even though he hates beer. Kun and Leo seem really close,
talking quietly and happily all through the night, and Leo lets Kun touch him
and hug him.
 
Actually, he lets everyone hug him very easily, and Neymar feels a pang in his
heart when he thinks it’s wasn’t that hard eating at Leo’s personal space.
 
Whatever, it’s a happy night, and he ends up teaching high school boys how to
get the girls, with Carles laughing in the back, mocking him, like he was
particularly good at that. Carles is already committed – he is born committed –
so what would he know about seduction?
 
Most of the boys crash the place for the night, and as everyone is dozing off
in the living room, watching the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy, Neymar
decides it’s time for him to go. He sits in the lobby to put on his shoes and
Leo walks up to him quietly.
 
“Thank you for… for the party.” Leo’s voice is barely above a whisper, not to
disturb his friends, and he’s fumbling with his phone, “and thank you for the
phone.”
 
Neymar smiles kindly, “I wasn’t the one who organized it, you know. Carles did
most of the job, I just cheered him on. You should thank your brother.”
 
Leo shakes his head, “I will, but I just meant that without you, I wouldn’t
have—” he gestures behind him, to the mass of teenage boys lying everywhere,
and Leo grimaces a bit, looking constipated as he loses his words. He groans,
seemingly giving up and wrapping his arms around Neymar.
 
Neymar’s sitting, Leo flushing his head against his torso, and he can hear
Leo’s heartbeat just under his ear. He hugs back, and Leo’s hands are gripping
his hair, and he stills smells really good. Neymar closes his eyes, and doesn’t
let go, not until Leo unwraps his arms and pushes him away softly. Leo looks
down at him with dark eyes, and Neymar gulps, trying to find words to make the
atmosphere less heavy.
 
He clears his throat, “The phone was my idea though, and I see how you’re
thanking me; not even putting my number in.” He smiles, trying to pull off cool
even though he’s flushed inside.
 
“I did. I know your number by heart.” Leo says, not missing a beat.
 
Neymar’s heart skips a beat and he stands up fast, his face heating up so he
turns his back to Leo, and before leaving he says, “Be prepared, tomorrow I’m
filling your phone with pictures!”
 
He feels Leo’s eyes on him as he opens the door hastily, and he thinks he hears
Leo mutters “I don’t mind”, but his heart beats too loud and he chooses to
believe that’s just wishful thinking.
 
 
--
 
Leo is sixteen now, and he’s still so young, but Neymar isn’t delusional enough
to deny that he’s in love with him.
 
 
Chapter End Notes
     So yeah, I know what I'm doing but that's still not what I expected
     to write! Because Leo is younger, I was unable to duplicate Neymar
     and Leo's current relationship (at least for now) - but yet again,
     that's kind of the point of AUs.
     This story is going to be 3 chapters long, and each chapter will last
     a year. So things will change and evolve as Leo grow up (quite
     literally at that - I did take 2 inches off of him here)
     Also, as for the education system, I know each countries have
     different one, so here is the one I'm basing it on: high school lasts
     three years, from 15 to 18. The scholar year starts in September and
     ends in June, so the summer is holidays.
     Well anyway, I'll try to get things done fast. Hope it interested
     you!
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
The thing is Carles has always wanted to leave. He’s always wanted to travel,
to see the world. He’s not studying for nothing: he wants to follow in his
parent’s step, be an ‘international hero’ – except he laughs and shakes his
head when Neymar uses the word, and whatever, Neymar thinks he may already be a
hero anyway.
 
Carles has always thought big, and now – now Carles has a degree, and Leo is
16, arguably old enough to take care of himself. They’ve always known Carles
would leave after his degree; Leo has known it his whole life – that he was
holding Carles back. This humanitarian travel, this is Carles first topic of
conversation with his girlfriend, where their dreams meet, and both Leo and he
knew that when he obtained his degree, they’ll go ahead and live their dream.
Leo actually encouraged this project, because ‘Carles has lived for me enough,
now he should live for himself’ and even that isn’t true, because Carles’ life
would still be about people – Carles will always live for others.
 
Still, when July comes around and Carles starts packing, they’re all a bit
startled – Leo, Neymar, and Carles. July is a bitter month, and none of them
really forget Carles will be gone by August, but they still pretend nothing’s
wrong.
 
Neymar seizes any occasion to take pictures, lots of them, and then he forces
Leo into picking some to hang on his picture board. It’s already halfway full:
many pictures have been pinned after Leo’s birthday party. There are also
pictures of Leo with the football team, pictures at the amusement park, several
pictures featuring a grinning Neymar and a disgruntled Leo. It looks fun, and
Leo’s room doesn’t look so bland and empty now.
 
Leo plays football everyday – sometimes with his friends, sometimes with Neymar
and Carles. Sometimes only with Neymar, when Carles is busy planning with his
girlfriend, and those times they both play too hard, play until they’re
dripping with sweat. When Leo drinks water straight for the bottle and it
trickles down his chin, when he’s sweaty and he twirls around Neymar like
Neymar means nothing, when they tackle each other in all the wrong ways and
they stumble to the ground – Neymar doesn’t think about Carles then and Leo
probably doesn’t either.
 
July comes with changes because Leo’s growing up. Literally growing up, and his
clothes still fit him because he buys them too large, but he has already taken
an inch, and Neymar lives in the fear that Leo will outgrow him.
 
Neymar gets a new tattoo, on his back, spelling ‘blessed’, and Leo squints at
it, mumbling ‘I don’t get the meaning behind all your tattoos but at least it
looks good on you’ and Neymar doesn’t know whether it’s an insult or a
compliment.
 
Later, Leo’s parents come over, stay for a few days, and Leo tells him ‘yeah,
you’re truly blessed important people never disappoint you’.
 
Leo hasn’t really forgiven them for missing his birthday. He doesn’t eat with
them on any of the meals they spend home, even though Neymar’s here and trying
to bait him down. Carles is leaving, and Leo’s pouting, and Carles’ last week
here isn’t really ideal. Leo avoids his parents like the plague, and he hides
away either in his room or in Neymar’s flat when Neymar lets him.
 
Yet, when his parents go away again, not to be back for several months, he
looks sad and guilty and regretful, like he always does when they leave. He
doesn’t know how to deal with wanting to see his parents and enjoy their
presence, and resenting them for not giving him the occasion to do so.
 
Neymar remembers some meals where Leo’s parents clearly had forgotten details
about their son – a good grade, a new friend, a match outcome – and Leo always
looks so pained. He doesn’t bother with niceties when he refuses to eat with
them, yet on those small details that don’t seem important but that parents are
supposed to remember – Leo keeps silent, doesn’t correct them. He doesn’t tell
them they’re wrong, doesn’t repeat what he already told, he just gives up and
let this detail slip from his parents’ mind. And his parents, blissfully
unaware, just keep on excitedly, happy to be there with their son, happy to see
him and eat with him finally and if Neymar hadn’t promised to be there, he
thinks he’ll stay home sometimes because it’s painful to see.
 
Leo’s parents are trying so hard, and they’re failing so hard too, and Leo’s
the one suffering from it. Neymar can’t even blame him for ignoring them during
the summer. Neymar just sits on Leo’s bed and watches him, watches his
conflicted face as he hears his parents leave for the airport, watches his
fingers grasp at thin air like he wants to catch them back, watches the regret
arise in his dark eyes. He watches and he hugs Leo, encases him in his arm
despite his struggle, sticks Leo’s head under his chin and he holds Leo to give
him the embrace he didn’t dare ask from his mom.
 
Carles’ last month here isn’t necessarily the best month, and all too soon
August begins, and they have to drive Carles to the airport. Carles drives the
car, for the last time. He’s lending it to Neymar for as long as he’s gone.
 
Neymar hugs Carles at the airport, tears in their eyes, and Carles whispers in
his ear ‘Take care of him for me, please’. Neymar doesn’t think he’s qualified
to take care of anyone. Carles knows nothing of the way Neymar thinks about Leo
– he doesn’t know Neymar is in so deep he’s becoming mad, but Neymar at least
knows he will never act on his feelings. Leo is off limits and Neymar is not
dumb enough to try anything.
 
So he nods and squeezes Carles harder.
 
He watches from afar as Carles talks to Leo in hushed whispers. Leo is quiet –
he nods at best, head down and bangs covering his eyes. Carles cries and takes
Leo in his arms. Leo wraps his arms around Carles and grips his clothes, and
Neymar’s crying despite himself.
 
When their hug is over, Leo turns back to him and his eyes are dry. He doesn’t
look at him, just follows him blindly back to the car. Leo doesn’t say a word
on the drive back home, doesn’t let a tear out; he just fists his hand into his
jeans, until the knuckles are white and trembling.
 
Leo’s house is exactly the same when they come back. Nothing has changed. And
yet everything feels different – empty. Leo’s eyes swipe over the living room,
take in everything, and there’s a noise in the back of his throat – a strangled
noise, and then he starts crying. He covers his face with his hands to hide his
tears, and he breathes fast, trying to keep the sobs in.
 
Neymar wants to cry again, because he’s never been very good at controlling his
emotions, but he made a promise to Carles – he promised he’ll take of Leo, and
it starts now. So he takes Leo’s hands away from his face, and hugs him, lets
Leo buries his face in the crook of his neck and sobs, wet tears soaking
Neymar’s shirt in no time. Neymar holds Leo tightly, as tightly as he can, and
he caresses his hair in what he hopes is a soothing manner. He wants to talk
but he doesn’t know what to say, so he just chokes Leo’s name out.
 
Leo comes back to his flat with him. Neymar tries to cook and Leo doesn’t stop
him. He doesn’t eat what Neymar cooks, but yet again it’s so disgusting Neymar
doesn’t either. When Neymar goes to bed, Leo crawls under his blanket and
Neymar hugs him tightly. He can’t say whether Leo fell asleep during the night,
but Leo is still clutching him when Neymar wakes up the next day.
 
 
--
 
Leo is sixteen, and for all that he looks like he’s a loner, Neymar knows he’s
scared of being alone, and Neymar will try his best to keep Leo from feeling
lonely.
 
--
 
 
September is coming around, and Leo has yet to leave Neymar’s flat. He’s been
there 24/7, hasn’t stepped back into his house ever since Carles left barely a
month ago. Neymar goes there sometimes to takes some of his clothes, and to
make sure everything’s in order. It is – it’s silent and empty. Every time
Neymar wants to encourage Leo to go back home, he thinks about the empty fridge
and the rotten fruits, and the closed shutters and the ticking clock, and he
gives up.
 
Leo’s helping him with the choirs – he’s cooking, mostly. He isn’t a bad cook,
although there’s nothing special there. If he puts effort into it, it can
actually be pretty good and he’s making progress. At the very least, Neymar has
to admit he knows how to make the meat tender and tasty.
 
It’s September, and both high school and college will start in a few days, and
Neymar decides to take Leo out to buy him some clothes. After all, Leo had
taken some inches since the beginning of the summer. They were waiting for the
growth spurt to be over before investing in a new wardrobe, but the doctors
said he won’t grow any more now.
 
Two inches taller, that’s what Leo is. It’s different, yet not that much.
Neymar wouldn’t have appreciated it, if Leo had grown taller than him, but he
stopped just so he can still fit in Neymar’s arms, under his chin, so in the
end it doesn’t matter that much. He’s still cute, small and stocky.
 
He brings Leo to the mall, and Dani comes with them. Dani Alves, the one of his
friend who has the best fashion sense. Leo met Dani several times, and he seems
to appreciate him enough. Well, Neymar thinks Leo appreciates anyone who treats
him kindly and actually makes an effort to engage him in a conversation.
 
They drag Leo from stores to stores, but Leo keeps rejecting the outfits they
suggest. He doesn’t want the cow-themed jacket, doesn’t want to wear any
snapback, doesn’t think Systeme Tchakap is a brand worth wearing, and Neymar
should have expected that, coming from a boy who wears sweatpants and hoodies
all the damn time.
 
“You need to wear pants that actually fit. What about a pair of jeans that is
actually your size?”
 
“We should probably go to the kid store then.” Dani says, and Neymar laughs.
They’ve been trading jokes about Leo’s size since the beginning of their
journey, and admittedly, Leo looks about done.
 
“Ironic how you’re the one talking about fitting jeans.” Leo points to Neymar’s
back, “I can see your ass from here.”
 
Neymar throws a quick look at the mirror, and indeed, his jeans are down to the
middle of his ass, showing his underwear.
 
Neymar laughs. “That’s because it’s the way it fits me.”
 
In the end, they do reach a compromise. Leo buys tons of white shirts and
jeans, which seems to be the epitome of fashion in his mind, but at least they
all fit him perfectly.
 
When they’re done they go Dani’s place to use his pool. It’s the end of summer,
but the city is still burning, and there’s nothing like a pool to cool you.
 
Dani’s house is huge, so big Neymar sometimes loses himself. Dani’s parents are
at the top of a dairy products empire, and they actually own a pet cow.
 
The pool is as extravagant as the rest of the house – statues, unnecessary
bridges and dozens of lounging chairs. Once they all changed into swimsuits,
Dani leaves to get the drinks. Leo’s walking to the pool, and Neymar gets in
his way to stop him, looking down at him seriously. Leo seems puzzled.
 
“What?”
 
“You should use sunscreen.” Neymar hands him a tube as he talks.
 
Leo looks at the tube, scrunches up his nose and shakes his head. “No way.”
 
“Well, you’re not going into the pool if you don’t put sunscreen.”
 
“I won’t— it’s for kids!” He gestures widely to the tube, “The protection is so
high the sun rays might just bounce off of my skin.”
 
Neymar’s lips twitch in amusement, but he doesn’t budge an inch.
 
“Well that’s the point. What, you thought you could tan?” Leo opens his mouth
but Neymar cuts him, mocking, “You’re so pale at this point, your ass is almost
tanner than you.”
 
“That doesn’t make sense.”
 
“Well whatever. Look, you’re not going to tan. The only things you’ll get are
sunburns. Is that what you want? To be red all over, and have nasty sunburns
lines? School starts again soon; do you want to be mocked in the locker room
when you undress?”
 
Leo looks like he wants to say something, like he’s trying really hard to find
cutting words, and then he seemingly gives up. He takes the tube from his hand,
and it looks like it pains him – he’s sporting the look of someone who’s being
stabbed in the back, which might or might not be what he’s feeling like right
now.
 
He glances up at Neymar, probably expecting him to step back but Neymar won’t
move until Leo’s covered in cream and he knows for sure Leo won’t become a
tomato. He stares Leo down as Leo starts putting cream on his face, on his arms
and on his chest. He glances up a bit petulantly from time to time, and he’s
being a bit half-assed, but at least he’s doing the job. Leo turns over and
Neymar starts applying cream on his back too.
 
That may have been a part Neymar didn’t think over very thoroughly, because he
struggles a bit not to linger too much, not to feel around Leo’s back muscles,
not to trace his spine with his fingers.
 
When Neymar’s done, Leo attempts to walk to the pool again, but Neymar doesn’t
move out of his way.
 
“You haven’t put any on your thighs.”
 
Leo looks annoyed. “I did.”
 
Neymar shakes his head. “Nope. You only put it on your calves, not your
thighs.”
 
Leo makes an annoyed sound in the back of his throat, and he doesn’t look like
he’s going to move anytime soon, so Neymar drops to his knees.
 
“If that’s how you’re going to be.” He opens the tube and starts applying the
sunscreen on Leo’s thighs himself.
 
Once again, it may be something he didn’t think through enough, because he’s
got Leo’s crotch near his head, and he feels thick hairs and strong thighs that
tense under his hands. Leo doesn’t even try to help him. He’s looking down at
Neymar, and Neymar feels his eyes on him. Neymar darts a glance up at him, and
Leo still looks annoyed, like he’s just waiting for Neymar to be done with it,
but there’s also a spark of something in his eyes, something dark, and he’s
looking down at Neymar kneeling with an intensity that sends shivers down
Neymar’s spine.
 
It's impossible for Neymar not to think about the fact that he's kneeling down
in front of Leo, impossible not to think about other reasons why Neymar could
be kneeling down, and it's even more impossible when Leo's looking down at him,
like guys tends to do when they're watching.
 
Neymar tries to be quick about it, tries to be rough not to linger, and he
thinks he hears Leo’s breath hitches, but maybe that’s because he
unintentionally pulled on his hairs.
 
When his task is over, he gets up, and he may be a bit weak in the knees, but
he still flashes a grin at Leo, and the intensity that was in Leo’s eyes go
away. Leo huffs and shakes his head, but he looks amused as he pushes Neymar
aside, entering the pool one foot after the other.
 
Neymar hears a snort, and standing there with drinks in his hands is Dani, a
knowing smirk on his face, and – Dani’s going to be a pain, Neymar knows it.
 
Leo and he stays over for dinner, and Dani takes jabs at Neymar the whole time,
insinuates things, throws smug looks at Neymar every time his hand so much as
brushes against Leo, whispers in his ears he’s glad Neymar finally found
someone his age. But before they leave, he also takes him aside and tells him
good luck, and that if he wants to talk he’ll laugh at him but he’ll listen
nonetheless. Neymar didn’t expect anything less from Dani.
 
They got several new pictures from today to put on Leo’s wall. Leo hasn’t gone
back home yet, but Neymar goes there to hang on new pictures (at the football
court, cooking, eating ice creams), so when Leo decides to go back home, he’ll
have new things to discover.
 
(Neymar hopes it will help battle off the feeling that the house is unmoving,
unchanging, dead)
 
Leo might be discovering this sooner than expected, because once they’re back
at Neymar’s, Leo announces he’s going back to his house tonight.
 
That startles Neymar, and he feels a rush, wants to say ‘no it’s too soon, just
stay there one more day or forever’.
 
Instead he says “You’re sure? I don’t mind—”
 
“Yeah, I know you don’t mind.” Leo blinks a few times, unfocused. “I just need
to gather my stuff and I’ll go.”
 
Leo leaves, his arms full of shopping bags. Neymar watches from the windows,
just a tiny black figure walking away. Neymar wants to take him back.
 
Leo’s house is silent, and dusty, and it will be the first time in forever Leo
is actually there alone – really alone.
 
(No friends, no parents, no Neymar, no brother; no one that can surface through
the silence.)
 
He’s going to spend the night alone, and it shouldn’t matter if you’re alone
when you sleep, and yet imagining it makes Neymar sick. He has to keep himself
from calling Leo, from coming over, because Leo needs to do this. He needs to
get used to that empty house of his, and Neymar would only hold him back.
 
Neymar knows Leo is strong enough to overcome it, stronger than Neymar because
Neymar could do anything, could face anything, but he’ll never stand feeling
alone. Back when he didn’t know Carles and Leo, he was rarely home, always out,
always with friends and with the crowd, because he felt himself fade when he
stayed alone for too long.
 
Neymar’s lying in his bed, unable to find sleep, when his phone vibrates.
‘Thanks for the pictures’ from Leo, and Neymar thinks that still and motionless
pictures are the only things that keep Leo company right now.
 
 
--
 
Leo is sixteen, and Neymar’s world seems to revolve around Leo now, but Leo’s
alone, and he thinks Leo’s world may be revolving around Neymar too.
 
--
 
 
In October Leo’s facial hairs are starting to become a problem.
 
Well, Leo has always had hairs – on his arms, on his legs, most likely on his
crotch (or so Neymar likes to imagine). Neymar loves Leo’s hairy hands and
hairy arms, but up until now, there hadn’t been many hairs on his face. Some
lonely hairs grew on Mondays, which Leo shaved roughly and that was it for the
week. But Leo had grown, is still growing, and his facials hairs are starting
to become an issue.
 
Neymar has nothing against facials hairs, he loves stubbles and beards just as
much as the next guy, but it just wasn’t meant for teenagers. Hairs don’t grow
evenly on Leo’s face, and every time he shaves he misses some on his neck, or
on his chin, and Neymar thinks it is high time he does something about it.
 
Leo comes to his place for dinner and when they’re done washing the dishes,
Neymar corners him against the counter.
 
“You need to shave.”
 
“I’m shaved.” He passes a hand over his chin and amends, “Mostly.”
 
“You’re too young to grow a beard and shaving once a week doesn’t cut it
anymore. Not to mention you obviously don’t know how to shave correctly in the
first place.”
 
Leo looks at him warily, “And so…?”
 
“So I’ll teach you. Starting with a basic razor.”
 
“I honestly don’t want to be anywhere near you while I handle a razor – or
anything sharp for that matter.”
 
“Don’t worry; you won’t be the one handling it. I will.”
 
“That’s not actually reassuring.”
 
Neymar rolls his eyes and forcefully drags Leo to the bathroom. Neymar is
actually a bit surprised Leo lets himself be dragged more or less willingly
(Neymar isn’t delusional – at this point, Leo is stronger than he is), but when
they’re in the bathroom and Neymar gets the shaving cream out, Leo tries to
sneak away.
 
Some battle ensues, Leo refusing to sit on the bathtub like a good boy, but
it’s over when Neymar trips him and sits down on his stomach. He brandishes the
razor, and Leo stops struggling, looking apprehensively at the razor.
 
“Give up, Messi. You lost this battle.”
 
Leo raises his hands slowly, above his head, mimicking surrender.
 
Neymar moves to allow Leo to sit up, and then he plops down in Leo’s laps, to
prevent any further escape. He sits between Leo’s legs, his own legs stretched
out on either sides of Leo’s waist, his thighs against Leo’s thighs, and that
may not be the most natural position but Neymar pretends it’s necessary to trap
Leo in place.
 
“Next time I’ll show you how to do use an electric razor.”
 
He ties Leo’s hair into a little ponytail at the back of his head to keep it
out of his face, but some bangs still escape the bun and frame Leo’s face. He
tucks those behind Leo’s ears, and he starts putting the shaving cream on his
face. It looks kind of cute afterwards, definitely funny, and he can’t resist
taking a picture despite Leo’s protests.
 
He brings the razor close to Leo’s face, and slowly sets to work. Once Leo’s
done staring warily at the razor, Neymar feels his eyes swipes over him, over
his face, over his throat. Neymar talks softly, gives Leo instructions and
tricks. He’s so close to Leo, there really is no point being loud, and Leo’s
eyes focus on his lips every time he resumes talking.
 
Leo turns his head when Neymar makes him, and he keeps obediently still
otherwise. Neymar’s careful, not to hurt him, but it still doesn’t take very
long. He cleans Leo’s face with a towel gently when he’s done, and he passes
his hand over Leo’s smooth skin, proud of his work.
 
Leo is still staring at his lips, and yet Neymar isn’t talking anymore.
 
Neymar wants to make fun of Leo for that, wants to grin and show him how clean-
shaved he looks. He wants to move back, because they are close enough that he
feels Leo’s breath on his face, close enough that Neymar can see Leo’s
eyelashes and the pores of his skin.
 
He doesn’t move back, doesn’t tell Leo to stop staring, and it’s already too
late anyway – a heavy atmosphere settled between them, tense with something
Neymar refuses to put a name on. He’s mesmerized by Leo’s eyes, half-lidded and
focused on his lips, and he doesn’t really think when he starts talking again.
 
“Say Leo.” Neymar’s voice startles Leo, who looks up quickly. “Have you ever
kissed a girl?”
 
Neymar watches Leo’s eyelashes flutter as he blinks several times.
 
“What?” Leo’s voice is soft, and he sounds almost sleepy.
 
“Have you ever kissed a girl?”
 
Leo’s eyes keep darting down to his lips even as he’s shaking his head in
denial.
 
“You want me to teach you?”
 
Neymar’s heart is beating incredibly fast, and he knows he should stop there,
he knows he’s overstepping lines he never thought he would cross; he knows he
can’t pretend he’s joking, but he can’t stop.
 
Leo nods.
 
Neymar kisses him.
 
He kisses Leo. He presses his lips against Leo’s, a light pressure, a contact
that doesn’t last long. He moves back and Leo’s eyes are wide open, a soft hue
on his cheeks.
 
“If you keep your eyes open it’s creepy. Close them.”
 
Leo obeys, and Neymar dives back in, pressing his lips harder, angling his head
so their noses won’t bump. Leo tries to follow him when he draws back again,
but Neymar puts a hand on his jaw and holds him in place.
 
“Let me”
 
The next time he kisses Leo, it’s a bit messier. He forces Leo’s mouth open and
he engages him in a wet kiss, moves back when Leo tries to involve his tongue.
Leo’s eyelashes are fluttering against his cheeks, and Neymar knows he isn’t
closing his eyes like Neymar asked him. But it’s only normal to be curious, and
he imagines Leo, eyes half-open, crossing his eyes to look at Neymar and Neymar
doesn’t really mind.
 
Leo starts getting the message that tongue shouldn’t be involved until Neymar
says so, so Neymar indulges him and laps at his tongue, leads him into a real
make out session.
 
Leo tastes good, and he smells good, and he’s soft. He’s hesitant and he’s
eager, and he’s breathless. For some reason, Neymar finds himself to be
hesitant, eager and breathless too.
 
Some of Leo’s bangs tickle Neymar’s cheeks, and Leo’s jaw feels strong under
his hand. Neymar breaks the kiss several times, letting them get fresh air
before he angles his head another way and dives right back in, but each and
every time Leo follows him, almost bites his lips trying to make him stay.
 
Leo’s hands are gripping his hips, gripping them so hard Neymar thinks they
might bruise, so hard he feels those hands trembling, so hard he feels them
sweaty and clammy even through his shirt. Leo’s whole posture is tense, his
whole body – from the thighs under his own, to the jaw under his hand.
 
Leo’s trying to follow Neymar’s steps, trying to copy the things he does, and
it’s a bit messy, a bit sloppy, yet again kissing isn’t about symmetry and
mathematics and physics. It’s about being heated and intense, giving and taking
and wanting, and right now Neymar wants so bad. He nibbles and licks Leo’s
lips, and he’s not teaching him anything right now, not giving him lessons –
he’s just enjoying what he can, taking what he can, desperate and eager as much
as Leo is.
 
He can’t hear anything past their labored breathings, past the wet sounds of
their kiss, past his beating heart. He doesn’t have anything else but Leo Leo
Leo on his mind right now, and he doesn’t want there to be anything else. He
wants more, needs more. Needs frictions and reliefs, needs a hand down his
pants and a hand down his ass, he needs—
 
He moves, trying to straddle Leo properly, bringing his crotch against Leo when
he does so, which is probably what he was unconsciously aiming for, yet when
their crotches rub against each other and Neymar moans, both of them stop,
because they’re rock hard, hard as fuck, hard for each other, and it’s Leo,
dear God it’s Leo—
 
Neymar breaks the kiss and moves back, and they’re both staring at each other,
chest heaving and wide eyed and shocked, hard dicks pressed against each other,
and Neymar is such an idiot, he’s such an idiot.
 
Neymar gets up, as fast as he can, so fast it makes him dizzy. He stumbles a
bit, and Leo doesn’t move. He seems frozen in place, shock and disbelief
written all over his face.
 
Neymar opens his mouth, tries to think of something to say but there’s nothing,
his mind is blank, and he still remembers himself moaning a few seconds ago –
his mouth obviously can’t be trusted. Neymar does the easiest thing and turns
around, exiting the bathroom as fast as he can. He locks himself in his room,
and sits with his back against the closed door.
 
Fuck, fuck it, what the hell had taken over him. Neymar never meant to act out
of his feelings, because it’s Leo and Neymar is supposed to be there for him,
not to use Leo for his own pleasure. Yet he couldn’t help it, and his lips are
almost numb from the kiss, and he feels light-headed. Most of all, he’s hard,
so damn hard, and there is really nothing for it.
 
He closes his eyes, and for the umpteenth times in more months that he can
count, he slips a hand down his short. Except this isn’t like those other
times, because this time he’s still reeling from having actually kissed Leo.
This time Leo is there, in his flat, and Neymar has kept himself in check when
Leo was there in the summer, but this time Leo’s there and Leo has a boner too.
It’s the first time he’s aroused because he actually got to touch Leo, and Leo
was there and he saw it, and when Neymar will walk out of his room, bulge gone,
Leo will know.
 
He does it anyway, wraps his hand around his dick, and it’s the same old hand
he’s always jerked off with, but this time he is still buzzing with Leo’s scent
and taste, and he’s already over the edge. He jerks fast and comes fast, biting
his fist not to moan.
 
He doesn’t dare take his fist out of his mouth to catch his breath, fears he’ll
call out Leo’s name like he did so many times before. His heart is thundering,
but nothing is louder than the noise of the front door slamming – Leo left.
 
 
--
 
Leo’s sixteen, and Neymar’s twenty, and he fears he may have gone too far, yet
they never talk about it, they pretend it never happened, and still the only
words burning on Neymar’s mind are whether Leo jerked off after.
 
--
 
 
It’s December, and Neymar has a boyfriend.
 
Well, Neymar says boyfriend, but it’s not serious for either of them. Neymar
was getting a bit too obsessed with Leo, and he needed some change in the
scenery. Mostly, he needed to get laid.
 
The guy’s handsome, tall, and ripped. He walks with confidence and his voice is
loud. He is a perfect example of what a guy is expected to be, of what men
except other men to be. His name is Gabriel, and isn’t that beautiful name? He
acts like it is and he lives by the views he thinks others have of him.
 
(He thinks he fucks like a god, which isn’t really true, but it’s good enough
and Neymar isn’t searching for the stars, he just wants to get fucked.)
 
The guy is nothing like Leo, is supposedly better Leo, and yet nothing changes
– Neymar stills wants Leo.
 
Leo’s a bit busy with football right now, so Gabriel is often here in the
afternoons, and he leaves before Leo comes over for dinner. Neymar doesn’t tell
Leo, but he’s not really trying to hide it either. It’s not something that will
last, not something that matters; Neymar doesn’t think it’s worth mentioning.
 
One day Leo comes over earlier than usual, and Gabriel is still there. There’s
not point lying to Leo, not when there’s a hickey on Neymar’s neck and Gabriel
walks around shirtless like he owns the place. Neymar is just glad Leo didn’t
come over ten minutes earlier, because there are still some things he’d rather
Leo didn’t see.
 
Neymar makes the presentation, and Leo doesn’t move for some seconds, stares
wide-eyed at Gabriel and he looks taken off guard, fragile. Neymar feels like
something’s wrong, maybe something happened and that’s why Leo’s here, and he’s
this close to telling Gabriel to leave, but then Leo enters into motion. He
frowns and switches his focus to look at Neymar, and then he glances back at
Gabriel, and does so several times.
 
Neymar’s feeling apprehensive, he can’t shake off the feeling that something’s
off, but Leo speaks, finally. “Practice ended early, can I hang out here?”
 
The knot inside Neymar’s stomach eases off and Neymar nods, smiling.
 
They eat together, and Leo barely utters a word. That’s not surprising, coming
from Leo. He doesn’t know Gabriel, and Gabriel isn’t the type of person that
makes Leo comfortable. Leo just watches them talk, swipes his focus back and
forth between the two of them, and after some fruitless tries, Gabriel stops
trying to make him join the exchange.
 
Later they settle down on Neymar’s couch to watch a movie, and Leo stays over,
surprisingly. He flops down next to Neymar, sticking his head against his
thigh, and he curls up so he can fit in the space left on the couch. Neymar
starts petting Leo’s head, playing with his hair. That’s not something unusual,
and despite the first few times where Leo glared at him, now he doesn’t keep
Neymar from touching his hair when they’re watching a movie. Actually, Leo
doesn’t resist Neymar touching his hair at all anymore. Neymar plays with it
absentmindedly, and he thinks Leo must find it agreeable, after all.
 
When the movie’s over, he walks Leo back to the door.
 
“I meant to tell you” Leo starts, mumbling and head down while he’s putting his
shoes on, “my parents are coming over for Christmas.”
 
He looks hesitant, like he always does when he’s talking about his parents, and
he never knows whether he should be happy or bitter. Neymar thinks that may be
why Leo looked so strange when he came in and saw Neymar’s boyfriend – he
wanted to talk.
 
“Oh, is that why you looked so serious? I’m sorry Leo, if I had known, I would
have told Gabriel to leave...”
 
Neymar feels bad now, because that had been uncharacteristic of Leo – spending
the evening with someone he didn’t know like that, and now Neymar thought it
might have been because he wanted to talk, needed to talk, and really Neymar
wished he had acted on his instinct and kicked Gabriel out.
 
Leo’s done tying his shoes, and he stands up. He tilts his head to the side and
squints, and he looks like he disagrees with Neymar.
 
“That’s not really—I mean, I would have come over anyway, but. I just wanted to
tell you.”
 
Neymar nods, “We’ll talk about it tomorrow if you want? It’s good news, your
parents coming over for Christmas… I can grow a white beard and dress as Santa
to supervise the meeting, if you want.”
 
Leo laughs. “I’d rather not.” He smiles, and Neymar hugs him. He squeezes maybe
a bit too tight, because Leo probably needs it right now. He hasn’t seen his
parents since the summer – and that didn’t go very well. It’s a great
opportunity to mend things back if only a bit, and Neymar will be damned if he
lets Leo give up on that.
 
Half an hour later, he’s on his all fours on his couch, and Gabriel is fucking
him.
 
“It’s good, uh?”
 
Neymar considers telling him it’s probably better for him than for Neymar, but
that’s mean, and it’s good enough anyway. He’s hard, and he’s feeling good. He
wishes Leo was the one touching him like that, that Leo’s hands were the one
caressing his back, that Leo’s pelvis was the one pressing against his ass. He
wishes it was Leo’s voice, and Leo’s scent, and Leo’s dark eyes on him. But he
can’t blame the guy for not being Leo – nobody’s Leo, and nobody’s good enough
to be.
 
He’s shaken out of his reverie by Gabriel’s voice.
 
“—fucking dumb.”
 
“Hm? What?”
 
“That kid, your neighbor, he’s dumb, isn’t he?”
 
Neymar can’t quite believe what he’s hearing.
 
“What?”
 
“He’s so silent and creepy. He’s hanging off of you like a leech. He’s autistic
or some shit?”
 
“What?”
 
“I feel bad for you. Do you get paid to babysit him?”
 
It’s twisting his stomach, tying knots with his guts, and it’s anger that
Neymar is feeling. His fists are clenched, and he suddenly hates the way his
body is rocking with Gabriel’s thrusts.
 
“Stop.” He says in between clenched teeth.
 
“Sorry, what?”
 
There’s still the sound of balls slapping against his skin.
 
“Stop.” He repeats, and he doesn’t wait for Gabriel to understand, he just sits
up.
 
It’s a quick movement, and he sits up fast-enough that he headbutts Gabriel,
right in the nose, earning a whimper. Gabriel’s dick slips out of his ass as he
gets off the couch, searches for his boxer and puts it back on.
 
“What the fuck are you doing?”
 
He turns back, and Gabriel is holding his nose, blood flowing through his
fingers.
 
“You suck at sex; it makes me flaccid.” Neymar smirks, but his eyes are filled
with anger and rage. It's not totally false anyway: sure enough, Neymar is
losing his boner quite fast, faster than ever in his life before. He waves a
hand towards the lobby without looking, “Door’s this way.”
 
Gabriel looks angry, not foolish enough to believe Neymar, but shallow enough
to have pride where it doesn’t matter.
 
“Over this dumb brat? Really?”
 
“Yes really. Leo is not dumb, and he is not a brat. Also it’s my place, and I
asked you and your lame dick to get the fuck out.”
 
Gabriel is red with anger, and he takes two long strides towards Neymar until
he’s in his personal space. He extends a hand towards him and Neymar flinches,
then tenses when Gabriel grabs his neck violently. He has to stand on his
tiptoes not to choke, but he doesn’t back down and glares.
 
“Don’t provoke me.” Gabriel is seething. He thinks he looks menacing, he thinks
he’s the prototype of the alpha male, but all Neymar sees is hurt pride and
aborted orgasm fueling his rage, and his nose is bloody – he’s red all over and
he looks like a bull.
 
Neymar spits at him. “What are you gonna do? I’ve heard you whimper when you
come, you really think there’s anything you can do to impress me?”
 
Neymar struggles to get the words out, Gabriel’s hand squeezing the side of his
neck hard, but his efforts aren’t vain because he’s suddenly pushed back
roughly. Neymar can’t find his balance and trips over his own feet, and it’s
just his luck that he fall head first against the corner of the coffee table.
 
He thinks he hits his eyebrows; yet again the pain that takes him over
instantly is too white and strong for him to be certain. There’s a buzzing
sound in his head and he feels like all the blood has drained from his brain.
He isn’t entirely certain he can see, but he hears steps in the back, mutters
and the front door slamming. The sound resonates through his head, an
earthquake that shakes his skull and vibrates in his whole being, and Neymar
whimpers.
 
He thinks he faints, but he can’t be so sure. Still, when he stops feeling like
his head is about to explode, he touches his eyebrows and some of the blood has
already started to dry. Not all of it, and when Neymar sits up painstakingly,
some blood trickles down his face. He tries to wipe it roughly with the back of
his hand – Neymar thinks he’s fine, probably.
 
There’s a dirty used condom on the floor but apart from that Gabriel took all
his stuff with him and Neymar thinks he won’t be coming back any time soon.
 
He takes his phone on the coffee table and stands up slowly. He stumbles and
wobbles a few times, but he makes it to his bedroom, and flops down on his bed
heavily.
 
Leo is probably sleeping by now, but Neymar still feels the need to send him a
text. ‘Single again’ it says. Then he closes his eyes, tries not to think about
the fact he feels his heartbeat in his head, in his temple and in his face. He
feels like if he looked at himself in a mirror right now, he would see his face
thrumming.
 
There’s a sudden music filling the room, some Brazilian music that goes hard
and usually makes Neymar feel good, but that’s not doing anything for his head
right now. His phone is ringing, and Leo’s the one calling.
 
Neymar answers the phone, and his voice is groggy and raspy. “Leo?”
 
“Why did you break up?
 
Leo doesn’t bother with niceties. Neymar wants to make a pun, something along
the lines of ‘it’s not my fault I’m broken, it’s the coffee shop’but he thinks
Leo might not appreciate the joke for what it is.
 
“Why are you calling at” Neymar looks at the time on his phone, “2 am?” It was
barely midnight when Leo left, and Neymar thinks he may have been out for
longer that he thought.
 
“Why did you break up?” Leo repeats, sounding annoyed.
 
“He had explosive diarrhea.”
 
“…What?”
 
Leo doesn’t seem to appreciate this joke either.
 
“You know, it made sex a bit difficult, so I let him go.”
 
“It’s—” Leo seems to be at a loss of words, probably wondering why he bothered
being worried in the first place, which is really how Neymar is trying to make
him feel. “What does that have to do with anything? Aren’t you the one who—”
 
Leo cuts himself off, and then he is oddly silent, and it takes Neymar some
seconds to understand what he was trying to imply. When he does he laughs until
he’s breathless.
 
“Oh my god, Leo!” He can’t see Leo but he knows he’s blushing, knows he’s
filling with regrets and remorse as he hears Neymar’s high-pitched giggles in
the phone. “It doesn’t matter because I’m the one getting fucked, right?” He
hears Leo make a pained embarrassed noise at the end of the line, and Neymar
needs some seconds to catch his breath. “You’ve actually assumed I would be the
one taking it up the ass! Oh Leo, please tell me about it, are you finally
growing up and thinking about sex?”
 
“That’s not what I meant.” Leo mumbles, sounding like a disgruntled child.
 
“This is exactly what you meant!”
 
“I- You’re an ass. I’m hanging up.”
 
“No, no, don’t! It’s too good; you need to tell me more, Leo!” Neymar’s efforts
are vain, and the line is already dead. Neymar rolls over to bury his head into
his pillow, giggling.
 
A bit later, he regrets laughing so much, the blood pounding in his head even
livelier than before. But even this pain can’t dampen Neymar’s smile, can’t
keep the affectionate thoughts away. Leo’s voice, low and hoarse, was soothing,
and Gabriel doesn’t know a single thing about Leo, he really doesn’t.
 
He was supposed to take Leo to school the day after, which is something he only
remembers when the sound of the front door closing wakes him up. Leo has a key
to the building, and he’s the only one, but Neymar doesn’t find the strength to
get up and greet him. Leo doesn’t come into his room directly, and Neymar
thinks he must stop at his living room – discarded clothes, half-empty lube,
used condom and Neymar wonders if there is blood on the coffee table.
 
Leo finds him into his room. He thinks Neymar is depressed because he broke up
with his boyfriend, which actually sounds funny enough to Neymar that he tries
to laugh. Leo doesn’t laugh; when he sees the dried blood on his face and the
bruises around his neck, he doesn’t laugh at all. He looks like he’s angry, and
worried, and Neymar thinks that’s sweet, really.
 
Leo doesn’t believe him when he says he fell on the coffee table – a coffee
table doesn’t leave fingerprints around your neck. Leo’s not completely stupid;
he knows what happened, even if he doesn’t have the details of it. He doesn’t
need the details of it. That’s not something he wants Leo to involve himself
in, and what would Leo do anyway?
 
Leo still forces Neymar to get a check-up at the hospital, but as Neymar
thought it’s nothing really serious. Leo looks angry with him for days after
that – he looks angry but he stays over at Neymar’s place anyway, sleeps over
and imposes his anger on him. Neymar thinks he’s angry because Neymar didn't
tell him anything when he had him on the phone, and he’s angry because Neymar
won’t tell him anything now.
 
(Neymar doesn’t think telling Leo that he broke Gabriel’s nose would help, but
when Neymar sees Gabriel’s face at college two days later, it makes Neymar feel
better.)
 
 
--
 
Leo’s sixteen, and Neymar has felt protective of him ever since the beginning.
It’s his duty, to protect Leo, but sometimes Neymar feels Leo might be the one
protecting him, and Neymar wants to protect him from that burden, too.
 
--
 
 
There are two weeks in March where Neymar doesn’t see Leo at all. A group
project is taking all his time, and he can’t even eat with Leo in the evening.
So Friday night, when the project is finally finished, Neymar immediately heads
to Leo’s house.
 
He opens the door silently, and creeps up the stairs, wanting to surprise Leo.
He barges into his room, slamming the door against the wall and being as loud
as possible as he yells ‘LEO’.
 
Leo jumps out of his chair, visibly woken up from an impromptu nap on his desk.
He looks like a deer caught in the headlight when he looks at Neymar. Neymar
smirks for a second, before taking in the state of Leo’s bedroom and frowning.
 
The room is dark, shutters closed and from the smell it’s been closed for
several days. There is garbage littered on the floor – take outs and dirty
clothes – and Leo himself is wearing very loose clothes that look like they
haven’t been washed in days. Actually, Leo himself looks like he hasn’t been
washed in days.
 
Neymar scrunches up his nose, “What is this?”
 
Leo shrugs. “I was feeling lazy.”
 
“Yeah, that’s a good way to sum it up.” Neymar takes a look around again, and
focuses back on Leo and his greasy hair, parted in the middle and really,
Neymar thought they were over that.
 
He pulls Leo up and starts dragging him to the bathroom.
 
“What are you doing?”
 
“I’m going to get you clean, and then I’m taking you out to celebrate me.” He
flashes Leo a grin, “My project was awesome; we’re going to rock our teacher’s
world.”
 
Once in the bathroom, he lets Leo clean his face and shave, while he tries to
arrange his room a bit. There’s no way he’s staying while Leo’s shaving – they
may have never talked about it, but they can’t really forget it happened.
 
It’s a bit weird, being the one to take care of Leo’s things, tidying his room.
Well, mostly taking out the garbage and opening the windows, but still, that’s
new.
 
Leo’s rinsing his face when Neymar comes in again, and Neymar can only see the
back of his head – greasy single strands of hair.
 
“And now we’re going to wash your hair.”
 
Leo dries his face with a towel. “My hair is fine.”
 
“No it’s not, it’s disgusting.” He points the bathtub. “Kneel down and lower
your head, I’ll make your hair shiny and fluffy and… clean. Yeah clean is a
good start.”
 
Leo frowns but obeys – Leo never opposes much more than verbal resistance and
most of the time his desire to be passive seems to lead him into being
obedient. (Then there are the time Leo doesn’t want to obey, and doesn’t want
to passive, and Neymar has never known what do to with those times)
 
Neymar sits next to Leo’s and tests the water, before gently wetting Leo’s
hair. He takes the shampoo and proceeds to wash Leo’s hair. Leo’s head is
hanging upside down over the edge, and Neymar can’t actually see his eyes. He’s
careful when he shampoos his hair, and he takes some time to actually massage
Leo’s head, like a hairdresser would. He must be decent at it, because Leo lets
out a content sigh.
 
“I can’t believe you have so little respect for the time and money I put into
your hair.”
 
“You didn’t put any money into it, you make me buy products.”
 
“Well I put time into it, and time is money, therefore I could be rich by now
if it wasn’t for you.”
 
Leo laughs and tries to shake his head – an action hindered by Neymar’s hands,
holding firmly onto his head.
 
“You’re never going to get a girl with hair like that.”
 
“Neither will you.”
 
Neymar slides his hands down and tries to get shampoo into Leo’s eyes. Leo
laughs and shakes his head, battling his hands away.
 
“My hair is definitely better than yours, and at the very least it’s not
greasy. The proof is – I definitely get more girls than you.”
 
Leo doesn’t answer immediately; Neymar thinks he might be reflecting the depth
and truthfulness of his words.
 
“Why do you always talk about girls?” Leo asks quietly.
 
“Hmm?” He starts rinsing Leo’s hair, which keeps Leo from talking, and it’s not
until he’s completely done and he allows Leo to turn around that Leo speaks
again.
 
“Why do you always talk about girls?” he repeats – it seems Neymar heard fine
the first time. Neymar takes a towel and starts drying Leo’s hair.
 
“I don’t always talk about girls.”
 
“No, but I mean – when you talk about love things, you always talk about girls,
even though you’re— you know.” Leo mumbles the last part, blushing slightly.
 
“Into dude?” Neymar provides helpfully, and Leo nods. “Well I never said I
was.”
 
Leo raises his head to look at him, puzzled.
 
“I mean, I never said I was into anything exclusively. I’m talking about girls
because most guys like girls. There’s no point in telling you how to get a man
– though really, greasy hair won’t get you anyone for that matter.”
 
Neymar blow-dries Leo’s hair while Leo seems to mull over his words. When
Neymar’s done, Leo looks clean and his hair looks soft.
 
“There, you look super nice like that!” Once Leo will have changed into some
more fitting outfit, he might even look handsome.
 
Apparently, Leo isn’t very interested in his appearance though.
 
“But I never said I was straight, too.” He says quietly, looking at the floor.
 
Neymar looks at Leo dubiously. “Well, are you into boys?”
 
Leo shrugs. “I don’t know.”
 
Neymar frowns. “Then are you into girls?”
 
Leo shrugs again.
 
Neymar scrunches up his nose. “Are you into animals? Because for all that I
love you I won’t hesitate to call the police.”
 
Leo slaps his head. “Idiot” he says, with a smile on his face.
 
“But here’s a way for you,” Neymar shares helpfully, “who do you jerk up to?”
Neymar takes in Leo’s appearance, and amends, “except if you don’t jerk off at
all, which is fine too – I know a dude like that, he’s working in the college’s
canteen, and he doesn’t let anyone touches him ever, but he gives me the
biggest cake pieces, so I’d say as long as you give cake to the good people, it
doesn’t really matter whether—”
 
“Neymar!’ Leo says a bit loudly; to cut off Neymar’s rambling. He resumes more
quietly, “I do masturbate.”
 
Neymar wants to tease him for saying ‘masturbate’ instead of jerking off, like
the word might burn his tongue, but he refrains for Leo’s sake.
 
“And who do you think about then?”
 
“Uh… Someone.” Leo looks uncomfortable, but he doesn’t lower his eyes and he
keeps looking at Neymar despite the soft blush on his cheeks.
 
“Someone? One person?” Neymar smiles gently, “do you have a crush?”
 
Leo nods hesitantly. “Yeah.”
 
A part of Neymar feels a bit cold, jealous and defeated – Leo has a crush, and
if this crush has any sense he’ll return Leo’s feelings. But what worries
Neymar the most is the part of himself that doesn’t feel sad, the part of
himself that is happy for Leo, happy that’s he loving people and wanting
things, and that just wants him to be happy and have a lover and go on dates
and everything. This is the part that scares him the most – it’s too caring,
too affectionate, too loving, and Neymar doesn’t think he’ll ever get over Leo.
 
Instead of feeling like he just lost all the chances he didn’t even have in the
first place, he wants to support Leo and help him, because that may be the
first time Leo has feelings for someone.
 
So he smiles at Leo encouragingly. “And is it a boy or a girl?”
 
“A boy.”
 
“Well, then at least you know you don’t mind guys.” Neymar ponders on it for a
few seconds before asking tentatively, “You know if he likes you back?”
 
Leo doesn’t answer immediately. He stares at Neymar, seems to pierce his soul
with his eyes. Neymar doesn’t think his question warrants such an intense look
on Leo’s face, yet Leo’s voice is unwavering and dead serious when he finally
answers.
 
“Yeah, he does.”
 
 
--
 
Leo is sixteen, and Neymar might be losing him, but it’s not like he ever had
him in the first place.
 
--
 
 
Neymar doesn’t get to celebrate Leo’s birthday with him. Well, Leo says it’s
only fair, since Neymar didn’t celebrate his birthday with him either.
 
Leo’s parents have three weeks off, and that’s a lot, and Carles is coming back
for the occasion. The four of them will be going to Rosario, and they won’t be
back before July. Neymar’s a bit bummed, because he’s going to miss both Leo’s
birthday and Carles’ temporary coming back, and he hasn’t seen Carles properly
since last summer.
 
Leo is happy though, overjoyed at the prospect of this travel, and this is all
that matters in the end. That will be the first time in almost two years that
he’ll be back in his hometown, and he’ll finally see his brother after a year
of frustrating skyping. He’s so gleeful he even has trouble hiding the boyish
joy he feels at the idea of spending three weeks with his parents, even if
Neymar has no doubt things won’t go smoothly – it’s never quite so easy.
 
He still buys a cake for Leo’s birthday, and sends Leo a picture. Leo calls
him.
 
“Is that supposed to be for me?”
 
Neymar nods even though Leo can’t see him, and he tries to talk through his
full mouth, “Yesh it ish.”
 
“…Then why is there your name on it?”
 
Neymar swallows and looks down at the cake – ‘congratulations Neymar’ it says –
and he smiles.
 
“Well you’re not here anyway, so I might as well appreciate myself for
achieving a nice cake!”
 
“There’s no way you cooked that yourself.”
 
“Well, I wrote it myself though. I was supposed to write ‘congratulations Leo’
actually, but I was so proud of myself when the ‘congratulations’ came out
perfectly that I felt like I needed a reward.”
 
Leo laughs into the phone.
 
“And what did you get me for my birthday?”
 
“I haven’t bought anything yet, but I think I’ll get you an electric razor.”
Neymar answers. Leo’s been needing one as of late, and he thinks Leo might
appreciate the time-saving – it’s an opportunity to wake up later after all.
 
Neymar doesn’t really think about his words until he realizes Leo isn’t talking
anymore.
 
Right – so a razor might not have been the best idea, considering.
 
When Leo speaks again, he sounds weird, almost breathless.
 
“It sucks.”
 
Neymar doesn’t really know what to say, how to react, because Leo’s words could
be playful, or petulant, or even reproachful or angry, but instead Leo almost
sounds grave.
 
Neymar doesn’t have the time to come up with anything to say before Leo’s
speaking again.
 
“Can’t you give me something else?” Leo doesn’t even sound childish or
demanding. He doesn’t sound like he’s joking or being a spoiled child, and the
air around Neymar starts feeling heavy.
 
He brought it upon himself, didn’t he? Why did he even think a razor would be a
good idea?
 
“Something else? Like what?”
 
“Something more personal.” Leo’s breath is strangely even and calm at the other
end of the line.
 
“Such as?” Neymar should be making puns right about now, but instead he feels
himself getting anxious, and even those two words he has a hard time
pronouncing.
 
Leo is silent for several seconds.
 
“Could you— would you let me fuck you?”
 
Out of all the things Neymar expected, and all the things he didn’t expect,
this is the one Neymar couldn’t even have conceived. Leo sounds serious, he
sounds dead serious, and Neymar thinks maybe he’s young and he’s got urges,
maybe something happened with his parents and he needs comfort. Maybe he wants
to try things, maybe he’s joking, maybe it’s a rhetorical question.
 
Whichever it is, Neymar should say no, should ask Leo to explain himself
because you can’t just ask someone something like that, with no explanation
whatsoever, and God knows Neymar needs explanations. He needs to know what
Leo’s thinking, so he can tell him no with sound arguments, because the answer
is no – even if Leo is just joking, the answer will always have to be no.
 
Instead Neymar says, “Ok.”
 
 
--
 
Leo is seventeen, and Neymar is twenty-one and things– Things are changing and
Neymar doesn’t know if he’s ready for that.
Chapter End Notes
     Yay. I hope you're not disappointed, and before anyone gets angry, I
     did say there would be pining.
     Also, don't bother looking for a player named Gabriel - at first I
     had a real person in mind to use, but I don't want to be
     unnecessarily mean to players who haven't done anything, so have some
     nameless dude instead. (Though, can you guess who I wanted to base it
     on?)
     Next chapter, the rating will skyrocket, so that's something to look
     out for, I guess.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     Well. It took me some time getting that one out. Sorry? Admittedly, I
     had an unexpected writer block.
     I hope you won't be disappointed with it and hey! rating change!
     ALSO I am very lucky and a lovely person made fanart for this and
     that makes me so damn happy, so if you're curious here's_the_link.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Leo comes back from Rosario with a slightly less pale skin, an enormous smile
on his face, and plenty of bags filled with gifts and souvenirs. He has a shiny
new camera, hanging around his neck, and the first thing he tells Neymar is
that he has taken a lot of pictures, and that they should look them over and
decide which one to hang up.

It’s a bit surprising for Leo to be so eager for anything photo-related –
usually it’s Neymar’s job to be eager for those things.

The camera is a gift from his parent. They said they noticed all the pictures
on Leo’s wall, and they wanted to help along with Leo’s apparent new passion.
It’s neither a new passion, nor is it Leo’s, but Leo has hundreds of pictures
in his camera, and he looks happy when he shows them to Neymar.

They sit side-by-side on Leo’s bed, and Neymar is a bit distracted by the way
Leo smiles, by the happiness in his eyes and by the stands of hair tucked
behind his ear which threaten to spill over at any time. He's still trying to
pay attention to the pictures, because it’s rare for Leo to show so much
eagerness, and Neymar doesn’t want to let him down.

Neymar notices a lot of the pictures don’t feature Leo – it’s Carles, it’s
Leo’s friends, it’s members of Leo’s family. Leo isn’t in half of those
pictures, and that means he bothered to take the photos himself. In the one
where he can see Leo, Leo is smiling and happy. There are several family
pictures, Carles, Leo and their parents, and Leo doesn’t even look that grumpy
in them. In one of them, Carles is ruffling his hair, and Leo’s lips are
stretched into a smile as he tries to push him away. His mom and his dad are
behind them, laughing, and Neymar says this one is definitely going on the
wall. Leo doesn’t protest.

Leo is happy when he shows him these pictures, speaking lowly and barely
containing the excitement in his voice. The atmosphere is quite light and Leo
makes jokes at the expense of his own friends, Neymar giggling next to him.

It’s fun.  It's light-hearted. Neymar could almost forget, almost forgo
thinking about Leo calling him two weeks ago. Leo looks young, happy and
careless, and he could almost forget that he'd sounded hesitant but determined,
almost forget that Leo had   asked  , and Neymar--- Neymar had said yes.

The last two weeks had been the most confusing of Neymar's life. He went to
visit his family but his heart wasn't into it. He'd been so dreadfully confused
he hadn’t even had any dirty dreams. He suddenly couldn’t conjure up any dirty
thoughts about Leo, couldn’t remember how he used to imagine things. His mind
drew a blank – almost like his brain refused to imagine it anymore until it was
given the real thing.

“Neymar?” he is shaken out of his thoughts by Leo's voice, and Leo's face
filling his vision, peeking at him curiously.

“Sorry,” Neymar offers Leo a quick smile.

The photos are discarded on the bed, and Leo is staring at him. Neymar quirks
an eyebrow at him and Leo licks his lips nervously.

“Are you thinking about--,” Leo licks his lips again, “are you thinking about
my gift?”

Neymar knows what Leo is talking about – of course he does – but it doesn't
stop him from playing oblivious.

“The camera you mean? Very nice, you'll need to let me use it.” He gives Leo a
blinding smile, and he's sure Leo's aware Neymar is faking it.

“No,” Leo sounds a bit annoyed, “I mean the gift you said you'll give me.”

“An electric razor?”

“No!” Leo is growing more agitated by the minute. His cheeks are a bit red, and
his voice grows quieter, almost like a whisper, “you said you'll let me--- do
you.”

Leo didn't have that much trouble saying the word fuck on the phone, and in
another situation Neymar would have probably burst out laughing. Yet, things
are what they are and Neymar's heart picks up its pace without Neymar's
consent. He still doesn't think it's a good idea, still thinks it's going to
change things way too much, way too deep, but he tells himself a promise is a
promise (he doesn't tell himself he's been wanting it for ages, longing for
ages, dreaming for ages).

“Now?” he asks.

Leo looks nervous. He looks nervous but he doesn't flinch, doesn't look away.
He doesn't fiddle with his hands, and apart from his tongue peeking out to lick
his lips from time to time, he's solid in his posture and when he nods, he
doesn't hesitate.

If Neymar wants to back out, it's now. If Neymar wants to laugh at Leo and says
it's a joke, if he wants to gives him a stern talking to, if he wants to have a
serious discussion, if he wants to run away; it's now.

Except Neymar doesn't want any of these things.

He wants to touch Leo, and let Leo touch him, and he wants to take Leo's first
time, to be there and guide him, to be there and have it. He's always wanted
Leo, much more than Leo can imagine, much more than is reasonable.

He does his best to tame his heart, and acts as calm and collected as possible.

“Alright,” he reclines back on his elbows on the bed, “then what do you know
about gay sex?” He looks Leo from head to toes and amends with a cheeky grin,
“what do you know about sex,period?”

Leo slaps his thigh with no real heat and Neymar knows he tries his hardest not
to look uncomfortable when he answers.

“I saw some porn.”

“Wow. Then you must be quite knowledgeable already. What is even the point?”

Leo hits him again, a bit harder this time, “You ass.”

Neymar smirks, but in the back of his mind he wonders what when where why. Leo
spends his time either at school, playing football or with Neymar, and Neymar
is persuaded Leo naps all the time when Neymar's away. If Leo watched porn –
did he do this secretly, his heart beating out of fear of being caught, but
aroused nonetheless by what he was seeing? Did he jerk off to it? Did he do it
again?

Neymar shakes his head – now isn't the time to think about these things.

“Girls and boys, it's the same – if you want to put it in, you need
preparation. But it's probably a bit more vital for boys, as mankind has yet to
invent self-lubricating assholes.”

Neymar knows, he knows he's not being very helpful right now, but he can't stop
himself. He genuinely wants to teach Leo things and help him, but he's making
Leo squirm in embarrassment, and he just can't stop himself.

He gets up and retrieve condoms and lube out of his bag. He walks back to the
bed and throws the items on the sheet. Leo look down curiously, and takes the
lube in his hands. He doesn't ask why Neymar has these items on him, and Neymar
is grateful because he doesn't want Leo to know he'd been expecting it (but
Leo's not stupid and he probably understand without being told).

Leo handles the lube curiously, and he actually starts reading the warning on
it. That's actually cute, albeit useless, and Neymar smacks the bottle out of
Leo's hands. Leo looks up expectantly.

Neymar licks his lips – this won't do. Both of them can't be nervous; Neymar
can't be nervous.

He starts stripping off. He takes off all his clothes except for his underwear,
and he feels Leo's eyes on him the whole time. He sits back next to Leo when
he's done.

“Are you sure about this? You really want you first time to happen like this?”

Leo opens his mouth, but words seem to be failing him and he nods instead.

“Then,” he hands Leo the lube again, “Lube to ease the way, fingers to
stretch.” Leo doesn't move, doesn't even look down at the bottle; he just keeps
staring expectantly at Neymar, “You actually need to do that.”

Leo's eyes finally flicker down and his hands clutches the lube hard. When he
raises his eyes again, they focus on Neymar's lips for several seconds, before
Leo looks up into his eyes uncertainly, asking for permission.

Neymar doesn't really want to kiss Leo now, because that would mean things,
because a part of Neymar is still wondering whether Leo wants to have sex with
him to know what to do when he lays his rumored crush. (Neymar had asked about
it several times, but Leo always acted strange, and Neymar doesn't like that
very much so he just stopped asking).

He doesn't want to, shouldn't, but when Leo's eyes go back to his lips, Neymar
leans in and kisses him gently. He puts a hand on Leo's nape to hold his head,
and he tucks Leo's hair behind his ear with his other. Leo goes into the kiss
willingly, and his own hands go to Neymar's waist, resting there awkwardly,
just like last time.

Leo doesn't rush to kiss back this time. He lets Neymar guide him before moving
his own lips, wait for Neymar to lap at his lips before he uses his own tongue.
He seems to be a bit unsure still, and Neymar thinks he may never have kissed
anyone else since Neymar. He doesn't know what to make of that.

Leo gets the hang of it again quickly, and soon enough, the hands on his waist
tightens their hold and Leo is kissing him heatedly. Neymar doesn't know Leo's
purpose, doesn't know what happens after, but this is an opportunity to have
Leo like he never had him before, and he has to refrain himself from diving
into the kiss desperately. He bits Leo's lips to calm himself, pretend Leo's
going too fast when Neymar's heart is the one going a mile per second.

He rubs his hand over Leo's shirt, feeling muscles and abs under the fabric
until he finally slips his hand under it. He can't tell how many times he's
hugged Leo, how many times he's played with his hair, but Leo's actual naked
skin has never been more than a mere dream, and now he can feel it, he can let
his hands wander all over the expanse of Leo's chest. Leo shivers under his
touch, tense, and the hands around his waist tightens even more.

Neymar would tell Leo he's authorized to move his hands too, but he fears it
would work him up too much, and so he just smiles mockingly into the kiss, and
Leo bites his lips in retaliation.

Leo licks his lips afterward, to soothe a pain Neymar doesn't really feel, and
Neymar dives in deeper, presses Leo's neck forward to push him into the kiss.
Their lips never separate, only open against each other to allow them to
breathe. It's clearly not enough, both of their chests are heaving, and Neymar
feels too hot, even though he's half naked already.

Leo's clothes are still on, and Neymar thinks this is a great opportunity to
breathe fresh air. He breaks the kiss and yanks Leo's shirt up. Tries to at
least, for it takes Leo several seconds to understand what Neymar is doing, a
soft hue on his cheeks (might be the heat, might be the asphyxiation, might be
the growing boner in his pants). As soon as his shirt is off, Leo puts his
hands back on Neymar's waist, and at this point Neymar knows he's going to
bruise, but he kisses back eagerly, and his hands start traveling up the raw
expanse of Leo's back.

Leo has strong shoulder blades, and his shoulders are hunched – he's always
slouched, even when he plays football. He rubs Leo's arms a bit – they're
tense, rigid from gripping his waist too hard. He can feel Leo's hairs on his
arms – they mostly grow on his forearms somehow, and Neymar gets the urge to
scratch Leo's skin. He wants to look, wants to see Leo's pale skin under his
dark hand.

He wants so many things, he's always wanted so many things, and now Leo wants
to fuck Neymar, and Neymar isn't as happy about it as he would have thought.
But he still wants, still wants so hard – his dick is hard in his underwear,
and he's eager for more. He sighs into Leo's mouth and he pulls back.

Leo frowns when he realizes Neymar isn't leaning back in, then he open his eyes
to look at him questioningly. Neymar grins.

“So. Fucking me.”

Leo looks about two seconds away from either blushing or hitting Neymar, but
instead he doesn't break eye-contact and he nods shakily.

“You'll do what I tell you to do, and you'll follow my instructions, right?”
Leo nods. There is a rush going through Neymar, at the idea that Leo is going
to do what he wants – he's never quite imagined it like that, but it's a nice
thought.

“Then--” he scoots back on the bed and gestures at the lube Leo dropped next to
him on the bed.

Leo picks it up, then he looks back at Neymar, waiting. He looks lost, hair
wild and tangled, lips rosy, eyes dazed. He looks confused and ridiculous, and
Neymar starts giggling despite himself. He claps a hand over his mouth to stay
quiet.

“It's not fun-- Neymar” Leo whines and Neymar giggles harder, “You said you'll
tell me what to do.”

Neymar nods and he hooks his fingers into Leo's belt to bring him closer,
forcing him to climb up and kneel on the bed.

“Put lube on your fingers and start with one. Don't be scared to hurt me. I
know what I'm doing.” Leo nods, and Neymar frowns, teasing Leo playfully, “You
can't talk anymore? Did I swallow your tongue when I kissed you?”

Leo slaps his thigh, “You're an ass.” Neymar opens his mouth but Leo cuts him
before he has the time to breathe out, “If you make a dirty joke about asses,
I'm never cooking for you again.”

Neymar grins and shrugs. He scoots further back onto the bed, and flips over
suddenly, burying his face into the pillow.

Leo doesn't move for a while. Long enough that Neymar starts worrying (he's
clean, he doesn't have any disgraceful hairs, the tattoos on his body are works
on art – why should he worry?).

Finally, he hears shuffling on the bed, and there's Leo fingers against his
sides. They're cold, and unsure as they trail down to his underwear. They hook
up into the helm and drags it slowly down his legs. He feels Leo's hands
trailing back up, until they both rest on his ass, unmoving. Neymar imagines
Leo's small, hairy hands and the stark contrast of his pale fingers against
Neymar's skin.

Leo squeezes suddenly, an impulse that startles Neymar, before he starts
giggling again into his pillow, (He feels like giggling way too much, feels a
bit too happy and exhilarated, and he can't say whether it's nervousness or
eagerness).

Leo's hands leave his ass, and he hears the lube being uncapped. A few seconds
after, he feels Leo shuffling closer on the bed, and there's a soft touch
against his ass-crack, a cold and slicked finger, trailing down the crack until
it reaches his hole.

Leo presses his finger against the rim, seemingly hesitant to go further.
Neymar huffs, and that does the trick, Leo's finger pushing past the rim and
Neymar sighs out of content in his pillow.

It's always a bit weird, the first thrust in, but Neymar has long since grown
used to it, and he knows to be eager for more, knows that what comes after is
worth more than the initial surprise. It's not really painful anyway, and he
gets a thrill thinking it's Leo's finger, Leo's pale finger disappearing into
his ass slowly, going deep and pushing out. He feels Leo wriggling his finger a
bit, and he imagines him frowning and watching, trying to get used to new
feelings himself.

Leo's breathing is heavy, and he is straddling his leg, hard boner pressing
against his thigh. Neymar spreads his legs wider apart.

“Put another one in.” Leo's finger freezes completely inside, and he doesn't
move. Neymar waits some seconds before bemoaning, “Disobeying my orders
already? Is that a rebellion?”

Leo snorts, and Neymar feels a second finger poking his rim, slowly sliding in
alongside the first one. This finger actually stretches him, and Neymar hums in
contentment. His dick is hard, so hard and raw against the sheets. Leo only
moves his fingers in and out at first, a bit bluntly and mindlessly. Neymar is
about to tell him he'll need to do a bit more than that, but Leo seems to take
it upon himself, and he starts twisting his fingers inside, scissoring. Leo
feels curious, tentative but determined to try and see.

He hits his prostate, and Neymar instantly clutches the sheet, clenching around
Leo's fingers. He gasps loudly, and he's about to tell Leo to do it again but
Leo beats him to it.

“You're clenching around my fingers,” Leo says in wonder.

Neymar snorts, “Thanks for the commentary, I hadn't noticed.”

Leo doesn't seem to get the sarcasm, and he does it again, thrusts his fingers
the same way, and Neymar tenses and gasps again.

“Keep doing that. That's the prostate – it feels good.” Neymar breathes heavily
in between each words, but he really wouldn't want Leo to stop.

Leo doesn't need to be told twice. He starts thrusting his fingers in, pressing
them against his prostate each time. Neymar bites the pillow to calm himself
and muffle his voice. Leo's breath is heavy and quick and shaky, and Neymar
wants to hear that, so he does his best, tries to keep his moans in for as long
as he can.

Leo puts his other hand on his ass and spreads his asscheeks apart, and he's
tense against his thigh, barely keeping himself from grinding down on Neymar's
leg. Leo doesn't manage to find his prostate every time, but he does enough
that Neymar wants to arch his back and ask for more. He sees no reason to
suppress this urge.

“Put a third one in.”

This time Leo doesn't stop, there is immediately a third finger pressing
against his rim, and Neymar can't quite repress a moan when it pushes in.

That stops Leo. His fingers still and Neymar huffs.

“Your voice did something weird...” Leo says quietly.

“Moaning Leo, it's called moaning.” Leo's fingers are still inside him, locked
deep and Neymar's voice comes a bit breathy and high-pitched. “It means it
feels good, Leo, just keep going.”

Leo doesn't comply. “Are you going to moan again?”

“I don't know, maybe.” Neymar is growing a bit annoyed, but he doesn't have
that kind of patience when his dick is aching against the sheets.

Leo twists his fingers inside and Neymar does moan again. It seems to please
Leo, because he starts thrusting them in and out vigorously, and sometimes it's
a bit clumsy and rough, and sometimes he doesn't aim very well, but it's
stretching Neymar and it feels good. Neymar moans freely, and Leo grinds his
crotch down on his thigh.

The hand spreading his asscheeks apart is stiff and sweaty, and Neymar doesn't
have that kind of patience, he doesn't, but then again Leo doesn't seem to have
it either.

He moans out, “Ah, Leo, it's enough now, it's enough.”

Leo's fingers stop dead in their tracks, pressed deep inside him against his
prostate, and Leo's voice comes out shaky and hoarse.

“Is… Is there a way to do it facing each other?”

Neymar twists the upper part of his body to throw Leo a look over his
shoulders.

“Yeah, face-to-face.” Leo's eyes focus on Neymar's face as soon as he turns.
His bangs are partly over his face, framing his head. Leo's eyes are dark, dark
with lust and desire, and it's too hot for Neymar to pretend he's cold when he
shivers. “You haven't watched that much porn, have you?”

Leo shakes his head and his eyes don't leave his face.

Neymar gathers himself on his elbows and turns around, forcefully shaking Leo
off when he turns. Neymar more or less sit up, supporting his weight on his
hands behind him.

Neymar can see Leo's eyes, trailing down from his face. He sees them slowly
make their way down until they're on his crotch. They stay there.

“It's not very big.” Leo says absentmindedly, and--- Neymar didn't expect that.

He kicks Leo's leg.

“What the fuck, Leo,” his face is probably a bit red from mortification, and
he's aware he sounds petulant when he says, “it's perfectly average.”

“I'm bigger than that,” Leo sounds serious. His eyes haven't left his dick yet,
and Neymar doesn't have any shame or hidden complex, but no one has ever stared
at his crotch so intently.

“Right. Whether that's true or not, this is the kind of comment you keep to
yourself.”

Leo doesn't seem to understand that staring too long at another guy's dick is
rude, and Neymar kicks him again. Leo finally looks up, and Neymar jerks his
head towards the condom, forgotten on the bed.

Leo takes it in his hand, together with the lube, and he places them neatly on
the bed between Neymar's legs. Neymar looks pointedly at Leo's clothes, and
that seems to get the message across. Leo gets up and strips – first his socks,
then his pants, and then finally, he slides his briefs down.

Admittedly, Leo is bigger than him.

Neymar has a hard time swallowing, and his throat feels dryer than necessary.
“I still maintain I'm perfectly average.”

For some reason, it seems to reassure Leo, and he sits down on the bed heavily.
Neymar scoots forward and extends his hand to touch Leo's dick. Leo doesn't
expect it apparently, because he jumps and his breath stops as soon as Neymar's
hand makes contact with his shaft. Neymar keeps touching him anyway, Leo's hot
breath in his ear, and with his other hand he blindly searches for the condom
and the lube.

He finds it soon enough, and he opens the condom. “Watch.” He tells Leo, and he
slides it down over his dick. He takes the lube and squish some in his hand.

He strokes Leo slowly to get his dick appropriately coated, and Leo's hair
tickles his cheek the whole time. Neymar watches his own hand around Leo's
dick, and he probably spends more time than necessary lubing it.

Neymar finally nods to himself and mumbles, “Alright.” He scoots back on the
bed, supporting himself on his arms and he opens his legs. “Sit between my
legs.”

Leo doesn't. He stares at Neymar open legs. At first, Neymar thinks Leo will
make another remark about his penis and he's ready to kick him but Leo doesn't.
He stares, and his eyes are hazy. Neymar belatedly realizes what exactly ticked
Leo off, and he opens his legs wider.

“Come on Leo.”

That shakes Leo out of his reverie, and he shuffles closer eagerly. Once he's
close enough, Neymar drops down on the bed and he closes his legs around Leo,
letting them rest on Leo's thighs. He wriggles down closer, as close as he can
get to Leo.

Leo's hands are clenched inches above the bed – he still doesn't know what to
do with them. Neymar takes them both, and he leads them slowly to his stomach.
He presses down until Leo opens his fists and his palms lay flat on his belly.
Neymar moves Leo's hands up, dragging it over his skin and back down over his
stomach. That seems to be enough for Leo, who he starts caressing his stomach
and his sides, pressing his fingers over Neymar's heaving chest. His palms
reach his nipples and Leo rubs it several times. They're both silent, Leo
watching silently and the only sound in the air is that of their heavy breaths.

“I didn't know men's nipples could get hard.” Leo murmurs absentmindedly,
focused on rubbing his palms over Neymar's nipples.

“Maybe you don't need to comment on everything out loud.”

Leo looks up and smiles sheepishly. Neymar smiles back and takes Leo's hands
off of his chest. He moves his legs to slide them both into the crook of Leo's
elbows and he places Leo's hands on his hips.

“Whenever you want, Leo,” Neymar says softly, just loud enough for Leo to hear
him. Leo's hands squeezes his hips once in acknowledgment, and they are sweaty
against his skin.

He moves one hand and takes a hold of his dick. Leo looks down, hair draping
over his face, as he guides his cock to Neymar's entrance. The head pokes his
rim and Neymar tenses in anticipation. He hopes Leo doesn't feel it. He hopes
Leo doesn't realize how eager and nervous he is.

Leo pushes his dick in, slowly, and Neymar clenches his eyes shut. He closes
his eyes, and he feels it, feels every inches of Leo pushing into him slowly,
feels it thick and hard, feel it split him and stretch him. He feels Leo's
hands tight on his hips, feels Leo's thigh, tense, against his skin. He hears
Leo's breath, or lack thereof. He doesn't feel Leo's eyes on his face, and he
knows his face isn't what Leo's watching.

Neymar also feels himself, vibrating, thrumming. He feels a burning pain and it
feels good. It's a lot, it's too much, too fast, but Leo thrusts his whole dick
in and Neymar doesn't stop him. He clutches the bed sheets instead and he
thinks if he trembles a bit it's fine because so does Leo.

Leo's pubes tickles his ass when he's fully in, and Leo finally breathes out.

“Is it fine?” he asks, voice shaky and hoarse.

Neymar nods, “Wait a few seconds please, just a few seconds.”

Neymar doesn't remember the last time he had sex, but he thinks it could have
been yesterday and he still would need time to adjust to Leo. He opens his eyes
slowly and he meets Leo's. His eyes are dazed and intent at the same time,
watching Neymar with rapt attention and he looks a bit desperate too. There's
nothing coherent in Leo's eyes and Neymar wonders how his own eyes look right
now.

Neymar nods and Leo's hands tighten even more around his hips, so tight they're
bruising, so tight Leo is unknowingly immobilizing Neymar, keeping him in place
against his thigh, and Neymar thinks he wouldn't even be able to buck his hips
up if he tried.

He doesn't try anyway, content not to move as Leo draws his dick out and
thrusts back in. Neymar moans loudly, and he does so again when Leo repeats the
action. He doesn't think Leo needs help with this part, and he doesn't have
enough strength left to keep his composure. Instead he moans and grips the
sheets, and his toes curl every time Leo thrusts back in, hitting his prostate
deep and stretching him beyond measure.

Leo goes fast – or tries too anyway. He keep a nonsensical pace, between short
eager thrusts and slow hesitant one. He doesn't seem to know what he wants to
do exactly, but the only way to get off is to thrust in, and thrust in he does.
Leo's breath is as inconsistent as his pace, and if Neymar wasn't so busy
whimpering, he would have liked listening to it more.

Leo hunches over a bit and takes one hand off of Neymar's hips to brace himself
on the bed. Neymar lets his legs slide up to Leo's shoulders to let Leo move
his arm freely. Leo's hair fall from behind his hair, cascading over his face
and his eyes are closed, a thin layer of sweat on his forehead.

“Leo,” Neymar whimpers and Leo's eyes snap open, meeting his own. Neymar tugs
on Leo's hair and drags him down, pulling him flush against his chest.

There's one less hand on his hips and Neymar discovers he has reign over them
again. He starts bucking up, meeting Leo's thrusts and he feels Leo pants
against his collarbone. So close –he also hears the tiny noises Leo makes at
the back of his throat, between groans and whimpers. Neymar keeps a vice-like
grip on Leo's hair and he wraps his other arm around Leo's back to keep him
from sitting up.

Leo seems to have settled on going fast, slamming balls deep with every
thrusts, and his body starts trembling a bit in Neymar's arms. He starts
calling his name, and Neymar feels like he knows what's about to happen.

Leo's voice barely comes out, muffled against his shoulder “Neymar, I'm going
to--”

“Already?” Neymar knows it's hypocritical, knows he didn't last very long on
his first time, but his dick is hard against his stomach and he isn't close to
coming, and he just wants it to last longer. He grips Leo's hair harder, “Wait,
Leo, stop. Stop for a bit, okay?”

“What?” Leo sounds surprised, and a bit desperate, and a bit pleading, but he
stops moving, his breathing laborious and jerky in Neymar's neck.

“I'm not close to coming. Can you wait a bit?” Neymar whispers, and Leo doesn't
answer immediately. He ends up nodding against Neymar's shoulder. “Calm down,
alright? Breathe.”

Good advice, Neymar thinks he should listen to it too. Leo's locked deep inside
him, and Neymar feels full. He wants Leo to keep fucking him, and he feels
himself clench around Leo needily. Leo must feel that too because his body
tenses in Neymar's arms, but he holds on and he doesn't move an inch.

Neymar slides his hand between their bodies and he takes hold of his own dick.
He strokes a few times, and reaches lower down to gather some lube off his ass
and use it on his own shaft. He starts jerking himself off vigorously, edged on
by the feeling of Leo's cock hard against his prostate.

“Are you jerking off?” Leo's voice is tired and weary against his skin.

“What do you think?” Neymar answers, and he lets out a soft moan at the end.

“I want to watch.” Leo mumbles.

Neymar doesn't answer, and after some time Leo starts moving, until he's up on
his elbows. Despite Neymar's hair still gripping his hair, Leo bends his neck
and looks down. He watches.

It's such an unknown feeling, being watched while he jerks off. Leo's eyes are
intent on his dick, and Neymar's hand feels shaky around it. He moans – the
only sound filling the room. He pumps himself faster, until he feels dizzy and
euphoric, until there is precum leaking and trickling down his shaft.

“Neymar,” Leo pleads.

Neymar nods and he tugs on Leo's hair again to flush him back against him. He
keeps his hand on his dick, quick and jerky, and Leo soon resumes moving. His
thrusts are restrained at first, and Leo doesn't draw out fully before pushing
back in. He gradually sets a fast pace again, but he still doesn't pull out
much, mostly going deep and hard. Neymar matches his hand with Leo's thrusts,
and when Leo starts sucking hickeys into his neck he's too busy moaning to tell
him to stop.

“So good, it's so good Neymar.” Leo says, hotly against his neck, and Neymar
arches up into his hold. “You look so good, you smell so good.”

Neymar whimpers, “Great vocabulary.” He gasps, “very diversified.”

Leo keeps going faster, hitting his prostate every damn time, and Neymar
clenches so tight around Leo's dick it's a wonder he even finds the space to
move.

“Taste so good, feel so good.” Leo mumbles and Neymar' throw his head back,
gasping.

He's so breathless he can barely moan. He arches into Leo and bucks up as best
as he can.

“Leo.” He's so close, and he knows Leo is too.

Leo says, “I love you.” He muffles a moan into Neymar's neck and Neymar
tightens his legs around Leo's body, “Always; always loved you.”

Neymar comes between their chests, Leo deep inside him, and repeating 'I love
you' into his neck.


–

Leo is seventeen, and Neymar is twenty-one, and during all the time he'd spent
loving Leo, he had never thought Leo might love him back, but he doesn't know
what love is for a 17 year old boy.

–


Neymar and Leo are sitting on Neymar's couch the day after, and neither of them
is talking.

Leo fell asleep curled around him the day before, and Neymar had been unable to
utter a single word. He'd sneaked out, went back home, and that may have been a
bit insensitive but he had needed space to think.

Think.

He had been in love with Leo for almost two years, and that was a part of his
life, something always there in the back of his mind. He'd always longed, he'd
always wanted, while always knowing he would never do anything about that. He
couldn't do anything about that.

He'd promised Carles he would protect Leo, he swore to himself he wouldn't
touch Leo. He'd kissed him once, and that had already been too much, already
been stupid, but that's what Neymar is – stupid and impulsive, and Leo deserves
better.

Leo is so young. Does he even know what love is? He'd befriended Leo when Leo
felt lonely, and they spent all their time together – it might have fucked his
discernment. Neymar couldn't really wrap his mind around it, couldn't trust
Leo's words. But he'd still heard them, repeated against his neck as Leo came,
and the thought of it makes him way too happy for someone who should be
rejecting it.

Now Leo is there, sitting on his couch, and Neymar doesn't know how to start
from there. Neymar doesn't know how to deal with silence, but Leo is content to
let it settle between them, heavy and tense.

“You remember my family's coming next week, right?” Neymar says. “I don't think
I'll be able to see you everyday. But you can come over if you want; I think my
sister likes you.”

Leo stares at him. “She's nice,” he says disinterestedly.

Neymar smiles and nods, and he thinks his sister is as good a subject as any
when Leo starts talking.

“We had sex yesterday.”

Neymar's smile drops, and he stares back at Leo.

“You let me--” he seems unwilling to say it now, and Neymar wonders if he's
trying to find a way around'makelove to you'. Finally, Leo resigns himself and
says, “--fuck you.”

“You asked for it.” Neymar knows he sounds childish.

Leo nods. “I also said I loved you.”

Neymar doesn't have anything to say to that.

“Maybe we shouldn't talk about it anymore.”

“I said I love you” Leo says back immediately, voice loud and unwavering.

He probably expects Neymar to say it back, because that's what people do
normally. And Neymar does love him back, oh godhe does, but his throat is dry
and no words leave his mouth.

“I want--- to go out, with you.” Leo says, and it's so obvious, so blatant he
isn't used to talk about these things. He never had any girlfriend, never had
any boyfriend, never had any crush whatsoever, and now he says he wants Neymar.

“It's not your birthday, you can't demand things anymore.”

“It's not a demand. It's not, I-- I'm asking you.” He seems hesitant and then
he adds “please.”

Neymar doesn't think it's a good idea. Leo is too young to know what he wants.
He's around Neymar way too much, and it probably clouds his judgment. He
doesn't know any better, and Neymar should know better.

He could say no, and he could say yes. Things will change either way, and he
thinks he might as well take what he can while he can, might as well enjoy it
for now, for as long as it lasts.

He huffs, and his lips slowly stretch into a grin.

“You're going to get laid very often.”

Leo shakes his head in disbelief. “You could have just said yes,” and he looks
too relieved to sound reproachful.

“Well, I'm warning you. You better train your stamina.” Neymar looks at Leo
with sympathy, “Not that there is anything wrong with lasting only a minute. It
was a nice minute, for sure.”

Leo looks mortified. Neymar bursts out laughing and Leo mutters 'you ass'
weakly.

Yeah, Neymar thinks he'll enjoy it while he can.


–

Leo is seventeen, and Neymar loves Leo too much not to take this chance, but he
also loves Leo too much not to feel guilty about it.

–


Neymar should have known that entering into a relationship with the conviction
it wouldn't last wasn't the way to go about it.

Their relationship doesn't change in itself, but now there are kisses, cuddles,
and hands fumbling hurriedly with uncooperative zippers. Leo is young and
eager, but he's trying to hide it all, trying to pretend he doesn't want to
have sex as much as he actually does, and Neymar has fun all throughout summer,
watching Leo struggle with desire and decency.

Neymar doesn't have that much reservation – he decided he'll enjoy what he can
while he can, and that also entails lying down on a bed and letting Leo touch
and discover. Letting Leo say I love you when he comes, and Neymar chants Leo
Leo Leobut he doesn't say it back, he never does.

Leo spends most of his time at Neymar's place. More accurately, Neymar doesn't
leave his place and Leo doesn't have any choice but to come over. It's harder
in Leo's house, decorated with pictures and souvenirs, and the memories of
Carles calling his brother down, the memories of a 15 year-old boy With Issues.
It's easier at Neymar's, where Leo is still young, but he's 17, and 17 is
enough.

Enough to be going to parties, according to Leo.

It's early November, and Leo hadn't taken kindly to Neymar dropping him on
Halloween.

“I'm old enough to go at these kind of parties, you know.”

They're sitting on the floor, playing Mario Kart, and Leo has the audacity to
sound annoyed even though he's winning.

“Too many things can happen there. Alcohol, sex, drugs, rock'n'roll.” Neymar
tries to elbow Leo to distract him.

Leo snorts. “Because you think there are only sodas at Geri's.”

Leo crosses the finishing line, and Neymar side-eyes Leo with a disapproving
frown, “That's it, you're grounded.”

Leo kicks his shin lightly.

“I don't mind you going to parties.” Leo mumbles, “I just want to know what
it's like, what you do when you're there.”

Neymar contemplates Leo's answer for a moment. He has the urge to call Gerard
and ask questions, but he knows perfectly well what he was doing at Leo's age.
He doesn't feel comfortable thinking about it though, and he doesn't feel
comfortable thinking about Leo's there. But Leo is 17, and if it's only once,
and if Neymar keeps an eye on him, and if they leave before midnight like
Cinderella – maybe it wouldn't be that bad, and Leo won't ask again after that.

Neymar doesn't even go out much because he likes staying in with Leo better,
but Leo doesn't appreciate his singing abilities the way drunk people do.

Neymar ultimately agrees. He tells Leo not to wear jeans too tight, that V-cuts
are prohibited, and if he dares wear a shirt it must be long-sleeved and
buttoned up to his neck. Leo snorts and his face is a mixture of fond
exasperation and amusement.

On Friday night, he takes Leo to a party organized by that one guy he vaguely
knows on campus. Nothing fancy, nothing too big, and Dani is there too and it
reassures Neymar.

Nothing happens for a while, except some people stumbling into Leo (“because
you're so short, bringing you there is a safety hazard”).

The flat is near his university and Neymar drags Leo to the balcony to show him
buildings and places. Leo is going to uni next year, and even though it's night
they still have a clear view of the campus. Leo gets thirsty halfway through
and after some seconds of glaring, Neymar allows Leo to fetch drinks by
himself. He watches Leo's back disappears into the crowd, and privately wonders
how many people will bump into him because they don't realize he's there.

“Neymar?” he's shaken out of his thoughts by a masculine voice.

He looks to his right, and there stands a tall man, and Neymar knows this guy,
but he can't quite put a name on him.

He notices the guy's nose, slightly crooked, and he finally remembers,
“Gabriel.” He smiles charmingly, and Gabriel frowns.

It's been almost a year since they last talked to each other, and Neymar
doesn't like holding grudges, but he still avoids looking at Gabriel's nose or
he might start smirking.

“It's been a long time.” Gabriel says, “You're here with your neighbor, right?”

There's nothing special in the way he says neighbor, but he remembers being
told 'that kid, your neighbor, he's dumb isn't he', and Neymar might not hold
grudges but if Gabriel says anything about Leo, he'll be quick to go off.

“Yeah, Leo's there.”

He might have sounded hostile after all, because Gabriel gives a quick laugh,
“Right, I wasn't very nice, last time. I wanted to apologize for that.”

Gabriel smells like expensive cologne, hair impeccably brushed, tight white
shirt on to show off every muscles he has even though they're outside and it's
chilly. His smile is more charming than apologetic but Neymar doesn't hold
grudges and he's willing to listen.

“I shouldn't have… manhandled you like that. The gash on your eyebrows seemed
pretty deep and--”

“Forget it. We were just fighting, and I'm the one who stumbled on my own feet
anyway.” Neymar sighs, because he didn't lose sleep over that, and he's not
going to start now.

“That's true.” Gabriel says. Neymar raises his eyebrows in puzzlement, and
Gabriel resumes. “I only pushed you a bit, but you fell on that coffee table on
your own.”

Neymar frowns, “Well, you did leave even though I was bleeding and barely
conscious.”

Gabriel shrugs, “I was angry.”

Neymar frowns, “What do you even want?”

“Hey it's fine.” Gabriel puts his hands up in surrender, “I just wanted to
settle things. So we could mutually apologize, start anew.”

“Mutually?”

“Well, it's not like I did it all my own. It's not exactly my fault I got angry
in the first place, if you know what I mean.”

“No, no I don't know what you mean.” Neymar remembers Gabriel insulting Leo,
and he remembers insulting Gabriel back, and man, now he is pissed. “I'm not
going to apologize for saying you had a lame dick.”

“And there you go again,” Gabriel rolls his eyes. “Like a child, fighting with
petty words instead of answering seriously like an actual grown-up. I didn't do
anything to you after that, and yet you told all your friends you broke up with
me because I had STDs.” He hisses the last part, and well, Neymar did do
something along these lines.

Neymar has a hard time repressing his grin, “Well they asked. Would you rather
I told them you 'manhandled' me because I wouldn't let you put it in? I'm sure
they would have been glad to know.”

“No,” Gabriel spits, “I'd rather you hadn't told them at all. These matters are
private.”

“It is private, but you can't be angry at it being public when you're the
reason I had to wear a scarf for a week.”

“I just apologized for that.” Gabriel seethes, “You're so immature. You make me
sound like the bad guy, but who the hellstarts insulting their partner during
sex because they suddenly feel unhappy? You don't know how to deal with issues
like an adult.” Gabriel shakes his head, “You're so fucking childish.”

Neymar wants to bite back 'and why the hell did you suddenly start insulting
Leo?' but as stupid as Gabriel is, some of the things he says feels too true
for Neymar to say anything back.

Gabriel snorts and looks at Neymar derisively, “Must be why you're laying a
kid; you're a brat yourself.”

Neymar doesn't know what to say back but God he doesn't like what he's hearing,
and his fists clench at his sides. He doesn't like where it's going at all, and
he feels on edge even before Gabriel opens his mouth again.

“Because you are, aren't you? Fucking your neighbor.” Gabriel smirks, “That's
how you like them, right? Boys.”

Neymar didn't drink a drop of alcohol yet but it doesn't stop him from
launching himself at Gabriel. He hits him square in the jaw, and he wishes it
could have been in slow-motion so he would have at least had the time to see
Gabriel's face distorts in pain before Gabriel lunges himself at him.

As it is, Gabriel gets back on his feet quickly and hits Neymar in the stomach,
the strength of the blow cutting Neymar's breath. Neymar manages to find his
breath again but Gabriel is pushing him into the railing, the cold steel
digging into his back and maybe Neymar shouldn't pick fights with people a head
taller than him. Gabriel is pushing him so hard – Neymar feels like he might
tip over the railing if it keeps up, and he grips Gabriel's shirt and decides
that if it happens he won't be going alone.

The whole scene doesn't last very long.

Suddenly there are people swarming in and Gabriel is pulled back roughly.
Neymar instinctively recognizes the mop of long dark hair and he extends a hand
to pull Leo in, holding him back against his torso as Leo tries to lunge at
Gabriel.

Dani is pushing Gabriel back, and Neymar holds Leo tight against his chest.
Leo's tense, ready to go off if Neymar lets him go, so Neymar doesn't. Dani
keeps shaking his head as he pushes Gabriel back and away. It looks inoffensive
enough, but the hand on Gabriel's neck is firm and doesn't allow him either to
look back or turn around.

Leo doesn't move, jaw and fists clenched hard, chest heaving, tense. Both
Neymar's arms are wrapped around him, and he watches Dani take Gabriel away.
People stay away from Dani's path and they watch it all unfold. Neymar meets
the eyes of some of the curious onlookers and he puts on a smile.

He whispers in Leo's ear, “Come on, calm down Leo. People are watching.”

“I don't care.”

“Now you don't care about making a scene, uh.” Neymar loosens his hold on Leo
and tries to stir him away. “Come on, let's go.”

Leo doesn't move immediately. He's tense for several seconds, before he finally
starts walking away. He walks fast, and Neymar trails behind him, throwing
smiles and apologies on his way.

The drive back to Neymar's home is filled with heavy silence. Neymar tries to
talk a few times, 'hey it's not always like this', or 'told you you wouldn't
like it',and one frustrated, 'what was I supposed to do?, but each new word he
pronounces seem to anger Leo more than the others.

Once in Neymar's flat, Leo stands numbly in the middle of his living room, head
down, shoulders tense and stiff. Neymar wait, but Leo still doesn't say a word.

“Damn Leo,” Neymar runs his fingers through his hair, frustrated, “what would
you have done anyway? You're two head smaller than him.”

Leo's head snaps up and he glares.

Neymar is used to Leo looking petulant, glaring at him with no real heat or a
meaningless one, but now Leo looks angry. His eyes are dark and filled with a
cold anger that Neymar doesn't understand.

“What would you have done? Why didn't you call for help?”

“Help?” Neymar frowns, “I didn't need help. We'd barely exchanged any blows
when you arrived. My life wasn't in danger; why would I call for help?”

“Well I don't know,” Leo sounds sarcastic, “maybe because the guy beat you up a
year ago?”

Neymar raises his eyebrows in surprise, “Beat me up? Nobody beat me up.”

“Sure, like you said, 'you fell off the stairs'. In your home. A flat. You fell
off the imaginary steps of the imaginary stairs leading to the imaginary second
floor of your imaginary two-level flat.”

Neymar laughs. “Now that sounds stupid.”

“Well it's exactly what you told me,” Leo hisses.

Was it? Leo had kept on bothering him for answers, and he sometimes did so as
he was checking the gash on his eyebrow and Neymar wasn't always very focused
when Leo was too deep into his personal space.

“And if he didn't beat you up,” Leo speaks again, “then why did you have
fingerprints around your throat?”

Neymar waves him off. “Whatever Leo, it was one year ago.”

“And what happened tonight?”

“Just talking, nothing important. Don't get worked up over that.”

“You were fighting.”

Neymar sighs, “Just let it go Leo.”

“NO, I WON'T LET IT GO FOR FUCK'S SAKE!” Leo's voice thunders through the room
and he looks absolutely furious. His eyes freeze Neymar, pin him on the spot.
“It's not that fucking hardto just tell me what the fuck happened.”

Neymar's heart is beating like crazy, and he distantly remembers Leo being
angry at him once, because he had refused to invite him to his birthday party,
and at the time he'd felt lost and helpless but it was nothing compared to now
– Leo's voice booming in his flat and his eyes uncompromising and unforgiving
daring Neymar to look away.

“We just talked, Leo” Neymar's voice is so weak he wonders whether Leo can hear
it, “It really doesn't have anything to do with you.”

“But it does! Because I'm your boyfriend right? You were supposed to become
more honest with me, but nothing changed whatsoever except for the fact that
now we're having sex.”

Neymar frowns, “What do you mean?”

“You treat me the same way you treated me before. You treat me like a child.
You don't take me seriously, not even now. You talk, you talk, but you never
say anything.”

“That's… I don't really get what you're trying to say. You are not that
talkative when it comes to your feelings.”

“But I talk to you about it, and what I don't say you understand. But what do
you tell me? What about the way you came out to your parents? What about the
deceased grandmother whose flat you live in? What about your feelings for me?”

Leo stops talking, and Neymar thinks he expects an answer but his throat is dry
and even if it wasn't, he still doesn't have any idea what to say.

“Are you trying to protect me from your feelings or do you just… not trust me?”

“I do, I do, I trust you.” Neymar chants desperately, voice broken and he
attributes it to his dry throat.

“Then tell me what happened!” Leo shouts, fists clenched at his sides.

All Neymar can think of is, what would be the point? He doesn't want Leo to
worry needlessly, and he doesn't want Leo to bother himself with old,
meaningless things. What would be point rehashing the past?

Leo waits for his answer stiffly but Neymar gives him none, except for
incredulous wide-eyes. After a while, Leo's shoulders slump and he hangs his
head down. His voice is soft and defeated when he talks again, “You don't take
me seriously. If you can't even act like I'm your boyfriend, then why even
bother?”

Neymar told himself countless times that Leo was too young to know what he
wanted and that this would never last. He told himself that it wouldn't work
and that Leo would eventually let him go. He thought about it so many times,
but now Leo looks like he is giving up and the only thing echoing in Neymar's
mind is not now not like thatnot ever.

Neymar makes up his mind right there and then, and he doesn't exactly know what
it will entail but he'll keep Leo. He'll work for it, he'll do what is needed,
he'll be a good boyfriend and he won't make Leo feel sad or angry or diminished
ever again.

“He really didn't beat me up.” Neymar's voice is hoarse and he clears his
throat, “We were fucking, and he started talking about you out of nowhere. He
said… mean things and it annoyed me so I told him to leave. I said he had a
lame dick and things like that, and he grabbed my neck in anger.” Neymar
attempts a smile, “See that's why you shouldn't mock a man's penis; it's a very
touchy subject.”

Leo doesn't react one bit, head still hung low and strands of hair hiding parts
of his face from view. Neymar swallows and rubs his sweaty palms on his pants.

“He pushed me, and I stumbled over my own feet and fell on the coffee table.
And then he left. And today he came to me to apologize but he wasn't very
apologetic. And...that's it.” He tries to think of any other relevant details.
“That's just it, he didn't 'beat me up', and it wasn't something worth worrying
about. It was just a fight.”

“Just a fight,” Leo mumbles. “He tried to strangle you.”

“He didn't strangle me. That's an exaggera...” Neymar trails off when Leo's
head jerks up and Leo looks at him disapprovingly.

Neymar doesn't say anything after that, and he doesn't try to contradict Leo
anymore. Leo studies his face for a while and Neymar doesn't move. Finally,
Leo's eyes soften and he walks towards him. Once he's close enough, Leo takes
one of his hands and squeezes it between his own, idly caressing it with his
fingers. He doesn't look at Neymar, but down at their clasped hands instead.

Neymar squeezes Leo's hands back, just a small movement. He wants to throw up,
but he also wants to cry and hold Leo in his arms and never let go ever again.

Leo says I love you and Neymar thinks I adore you.


–

Leo is seventeen, and Neymar is twenty-one, and it's time he stopped pretending
Leo is a child who doesn't know what he wants, when he clearly knows what he
wants better than Neymar ever did.

–


Leo's parents will be back from Christmas and despite Leo's protests, Neymar
insists they decorate each and every parts of Leo's home with mistletoe. He
tries to corner Leo under each of them, but he suspects Leo helps him along by
standing pointlessly in a threshold for extended periods of time.

Carles can't make it to this Christmas, and Skype conversations aren't nearly
enough for Leo to be satisfied with, but he doesn't mop for more than a week
when he learns Carles won't come. His parents will be there though, and amidst
his disappointment at Carles' absence, he forgets to look grumpy when his
parents are mentioned.

Neymar thinks there's also the fact he's eager to see them again. Nothing bad
happened the last time they were here, and Leo is quite attached to the camera
he's been gifted, even though Neymar is the one taking all of the pictures.
Sometimes though, he enters Leo's room and there are new pictures on Leo's
board, that Neymar didn't take – pictures of his friends at school, of the
football club, of a random scenery. Sometimes there are also pictures of
Neymar, and Neymar can never quite repress the wide grin on his face when it
happens.

They spend the day decorating Neymar's flat, and they are a bit tired, but not
enough not to kiss, not to touch and caress, and it doesn't surprise Neymar
much that they end up naked and sweaty on his couch. It's night time but the
moon and the blinking fairy lights cast light and shadows on their bodies. It's
not very rough and it's not very fast, but Neymar still rocks with Leo's
thrusts, moaning unabashedly every time Leo pushes in.

He's lying on his back, and Leo is holding onto his thighs, gripping them as he
fucks into him nicely and Neymar can't grab onto Leo's hair when Leo holds his
back straight like he's doing right now.

His eyes keep getting distracted by the colorful lights dancing on Leo's skin,
spot of starkness against Leo's pale skin, and as he catches one yellow spot on
Leo's cheek, he finally manages to focus on Leo's face again. Leo's hair is
messy and tussled, his mouth half-open as he pants, and his eyes wanders all
over Neymar's body. Neymar follows their track – his dick, his shoulders, his
nipples, his thighs, his lips. They finally settle on his eyes and they stop
wandering when they realize Neymar is staring back.

“hn, you like watching don't you?” Neymar arches his back slightly, catching
himself on Leo's knees to stay grounded.

Leo's eyes don't waver, locked into his, and he nods, his grip tightening on
his thighs.

Neymar smiles widely, and an unexpected moan leaves his parted lips. Neymar
lets it ring and he tries to fight against his arching back and lay properly on
the couch. He puts his hands over Leo's and detaches them from his thighs. Leo
lets him, lets Neymar move his hands away and release them on his hips.

“I think you're going to like that.” Neymar grounds his feet into the couch and
with a quick movement, he sits up and pushes Leo on his back. He finds himself
seated on Leo's dick, a bit breathless because of the action. Leo's eyes are
clenched shut and he is rubbing his head, which banged on the armrest when
Neymar pushed him down.

Neymar grins, about to apologize when something catches his attention in the
corner of his eyes. He turns his head and there's a pink light being reflected
back to him, bouncing off on the golden bell of a Christmas hat. Neymar
stretches his arm to take it and he screws it onto his head to keep the hat
from falling. The bell tinkles with each movement, and when he's done, he grins
down at Leo.

“What are you doing?” Leo frowns, his eyes darting quickly to the hat on his
head.

Neyma's grin widens, “Merry Christmas.”

He lifts off of Leo's dick, until it's almost completely out and he sits back
down heavily, closing his eyes and moaning as he feels it part his inside and
fill him deep. Neymar blindly braces himself on the couch and he repeats the
movement.

Leo gasps under him, and his hands are back on his thighs and hips, tight and
tense. Leo says his name, a strangled Ney but Neymar doesn't open his eyes.
Head thrown back and eyes closed, he goes about sitting up and down on Leo's
cock, the bell of the Christmas hat tingling with every movement.

“Neymar,” Leo's voice sounds almost pleading and Neymar's mouth doesn't seem to
know whether it should smile or moan.

“Shh, listen,” Neymar's voice is a bit hoarse but it doesn't stop him from
humming, “Jingle bells, jingle bells--” Leo bucks up purposefully and Neymar
breaks off into a whimper but it doesn't stop him from resuming, “--Jingle all
the way. Oh, what a fun it is to ride--” Neymar bursts into high-pitched
giggles and Leo's nails dig into the skin of his thigh.

“Neymar.” Leo's hands travels to his backside and holds firmly onto it,
squeezing, and Neymar starts stroking his dick lazily. He isn't in a hurry, and
he takes the time to fuck himself slowly on Leo's cock, feeling every inches of
Leo enter him each time he sits down. It takes all of Leo every time, takes it
to the hilt, and it's enough to make his thighs tremble.

“Neymar” Leo repeats, sounding breathless, and then there's a hand over his
dick, replacing his own, “I'm not going to last.”

Neymar's eyes flash open and he finally looks down at Leo. Leo's sweaty, and
his pupils are dilated, eyes intent on Neymar and filled with lust. Neymar
tries to bat Leo's hand off of his dick because he wants to keep going, but
Leo's hold is firm and Neymar can do nothing but moan when Leo starts jerking
him off.

Neymar whines, “Already? I though we were past that.”

Leo flushes, and he bucks up into him hard, using his hold on Neymar to keep
him in place. Neymar moans deeply and Leo pulls him down against his chest. He
slings an arm over his lower-back and uses it to press Neymar's backside down,
fucking up into him fast while jerking Neymar off at the same speed.

They really don't last long – neither Leo nor Neymar. Leo thrusts into him hard
and fast, and Neymar can barely move his hips to meet his thrusts. He moans
into Leo's mouth, hunched over him, and the Christmas hat is dangerously close
to slipping off his head, its bell excitedly tingling away.

Neymar comes, burying his face into Leo's neck to gasp, and Leo keeps fucking
Neymar through his orgasm, until he comes too, and Neymar feels some cum
trickle down his ass and onto Leo's pelvis.

They both catch their breaths as they come down from their high. Leo's fingers
rub circles on his skin absentmindedly.

“Why did you never do that before?” Leo is breathless and he sounds a bit
reproachful.

Neymar lifts his upper body, placing his hands on both sides of Leo's head.
“Well I don't want to stop you, you always seem so into it.”

Leo looks on the verge of protesting, but something seems to click in his mind,
and he looks at Neymar smugly. “Yeah, I'm often into you.”

Neymar's eyebrows rise in shock, and Leo looks so proud of himself. Neymar
bursts out laughing.

“This is bad, so so bad.”

“No it's not” Leo mumbles. Neymar shakes his head with a smile and the
Christmas hat slips from his head, falling right on Leo's face.

Neymar is still laughing as he grabs the hat and fixes it on top of Leo's head,
arranging it nicely. A red light is being cast on Leo's cheek, and Neymar leans
down to peck it.

“I love you,” he murmurs against Leo's skin, and he slouches down on Leo again,
sighing contentedly.

Leo doesn't move. He's stiff and frozen under him, and Neymar listens to his
heart beats away in his ribcage for a while.

Several minutes pass before Leo croaks out, “Is that your way of telling me you
won't buy me anything for Christmas?”

Neymar huffs playfully into Leo's neck, and he never felt as genuine as when he
answers, “I'll give you anything you want Leo.”


–

Leo is seventeen, and Neymar had told himself Leo was too young to know, too
young to love, but Leo says he loves him, and it is so easy to stop thinking
and just believe.

–


Carles finally comes to visit in March. He's supposed to stay here two weeks.
It's not enough. Neymar hasn't seem him in two years, Leo misses him like
crazy. It's not enough, but it's something, and Leo is buzzing with joy all
thorough February.

Carles didn't change much. His hair is still long, his eyes are still soft and
strong, and despite witnessing the horror of war, poverty and diseases, his
smile is as benevolent as the first time they met.

He doesn't have many souvenirs, and he doesn't have many pictures, but he has
stories, and the first night he's there they go to bed when the sun rises, Leo
and Neymar both too absorbed in Carles's adventures to think about sleeping.

They have many things planned, and not enough time for them all. Carles
disappoints them greatly when he leaves to visit some friends of his for the
day, and Leo reverts back to a sulking 15 year-old boy for an hour. It's funny
enough that Neymar forgets his disappointment to poke fun at him.

They don't have a very productive day, and at around 6 they set off to bake a
cake. Well, Leo sets off to bake a cake and Neymar watches his little ponytail
swings back and forth at the back of his head. Cakes aren't Leo's specialty,
but he's certainly better at it than Neymar.

Neymar gets bored of doing nothing after a while and he decides to have Leo
lick chocolate off of his fingers. The act involves actually diving his fingers
in the chocolate first, which is something Leo shows great reluctance too.
Neymar has the advantage of his position though, pinning Leo against the
cupboard, but even once Neymar has successfully collected chocolate, Leo still
won't open his mouth.

After several minutes of struggling, during which Neymar's clothes gets
acquainted with water and Leo's face gets speckled with chocolate fingerprints,
Leo opens his mouth and bites Neymar's intruding finger.

Neymar whimpers and Leo laughs. He doesn't let go of his hand though, tangling
their fingers together, and when Leo lifts his chin, there's nothing as natural
as Neymar bending down to kiss him.

And really, Carles's reaction when he enters the kitchen and sees them kissing,
dropping his bag and freezing in place – it's natural when Neymar thinks of it.

The sound of the bag falling heavily on the floor breaks Neymar and Leo out of
their bubble, and Neymar puts as much space as he can between Leo and him as
soon as his brain catches up with the fact that he's fucked he's fucked he's
completely fucked.

Unfortunately, Neymar's retreat is the only movement in the room, and it
catches Carles's attention. Carles turns to him, and his wide-eyes are making
way for a frown.

“Neymar, what--”

“A misunderstanding, clearly.” Neymar cuts Carles off before he has the time to
ask something unfortunate along the lines of 'what were you doing with my
underage little brother'.

“A misunderstanding?” Carles sounds incredulous, “Neymar, you were kissing--”

Leo is the one to cut Carles off this time, and Neymar wishes he hadn't. “We're
going out,” he says abruptly. “Neymar and I, we're dating.”

Carles doesn't stop looking at Neymar, even though Leo is the one blabbering
away about their relationship, and Neymar thought they had a silent agreement
to keep this a secret but it seems like they hadn't after all.

Carles opens his mouth and his frown deepens, and wow Neymar doesn't want to
deal with that.

He says hurriedly, “No really, I understand your feelings, but if you have a
question, see between yourself, I'm not responsible for this,” and then he goes
right for the front door, making his escape.

He tells himself that walking really fast isn't the same thing as running away.

He gets to his flat and splashes water on his face. Then he proceeds to sit on
the floor and lament about Leo's dirty mouth.

He doesn't have any doubts about what Carles is thinking – Leo is young, Neymar
isn't. Carles has been overprotective of Leo all his life, had acted like a
parent more than a big brother really, and it probably was hard to discover him
being kissed eagerly by this friend who promised he'd protect him.

Neymar face-plants on his couch and doesn't move for a full hour, afraid to
think about what's going on in the Messi-Puyol household right now. He's shaken
out of this state of stupor by a knock on his door that makes Neymar jump.

He goes to open the door warily and Carles is standing there, looking weary.

“Can you let me in? I'd like to talk to you.” Carles's voice is soft, and he
doesn't look angry. Neymar knows Carles doesn't pretend or act, and if he seems
calm then he is calm.

He steps back to let Carles in.

They sit around Neymar's kitchen table, face to face, and there's an awkward
silence that settles in for several minutes.

Carles is in deep thoughts and Neymar wonders what happened between him and
Leo. He can imagine Leo arguing and yellin loudly, and Carles trying to pacify
him down like he's a child, and Neymar knows how much Leo hates that.

“So it's true then.” Neymar looks up as Carles start talking, “You and Leo...”

Neymar nods. He doesn't know what to say.

“Leo's so young.” Neymar's whole body feels like dread and he nods again, “I've
been taking care of him my whole childhood. When I was a teenager, I fetched
him from school and from his friend's houses. I hurried back home when my
classes ended too late. Hurried back home so he wouldn't be alone there. I
didn't go out at nights so I could stay with him and we'd watch a movie
together. Sometimes he had friends over, and I'd bake for them and always be
there in case they needed anything. I did what my parents should have been
doing, and when my parents came back I filled them in on what happened. I
didn't mind.”

Neymar cannot even find it in himself to swallow around the lump in his throat.
Carles's eyes aren't even on him anymore, staring off into space and
remembering.

“I never minded. It's my brother and my family, and I love taking care of him.
And Leo needs to be taken care of, because he's young.” Carles keeps silent for
several seconds before amending, “was young.”

“I'm sorry Carles.” Neymar doesn't know how he manages to get actual words out,
“But I won't do this. It's--- it's Leo's choice. I had trouble enough with
that, I have no intention of--”

“I'm not asking you to break it off. Leo made it clear enough that he isn't 12
anymore and that he can do what he wants with whoever he wants.”

Neymar's lips twitch. “Yeah I can imagine that.”

“I just want to ask-- how long have you liked Leo?”

Neymar considers lying. But Carles deserves nothing less than the truth.

“I can't pinpoint the exact moment, but it didn't take me long, once I met
him.”

Carles nods pensively. “So then, everything you did then, helping Leo, taking
care of him, being there for him – did you have a personal interest in doing
all these things?”

Neymar doesn't understand what Carles means, not immediately. But when he does,
his answer is so hurried he barely manages to stay articulate.

“NO! No, no, no. Never. I've never--- I've always only wanted Leo to be happy,
I've never expected anything in return, I swear. Not sex, not love, not even
friendship; I swear it's not like that--”

“Neymar, Neymar” Carles puts his hand on his shoulders, “it's fine calm down, I
believe you. I just needed to know.”

Neymar nods shakily, and tries calming down his racing heart. The idea that he
would have spent all this time with Leo, listening to him talk about his
parents, cheering up when he was feeling down, holding him and comforting him
when he felt sad and lonely – the very idea that he could have done all of that
just in hopes of Leo giving something back to him-- It's a horrible idea. The
thought of it fills him with dread and gives him a bitter taste in the back of
his mouth, makes him want to throw up.

“It's fine Neymar. I trust you.” Carles squeezes his shoulders. “It's… hard
telling myself that Leo has grown up, and that he may not need me to take care
of him anymore. Maybe now he needs you, in a way that I can't provide for.” He
grimaces, and Neymar gives a short laugh.

Carles smiles nicely. “I think you're good for him. I never thanked you
properly for everything you've done for him. So here: thanks for helping him.
And thanks for watching over him while I was away.”

Neymar nods incredulously, and his hands still tremble a bit against his thigh.
He can barely believe Carles is letting it go. But then again, Carles has
always been the better of them all.

Carles slaps his shoulder playfully. “Now come with me, Leo is sulking in his
room and he says he won't come out until I'm back with you and we're on
friendly terms.”

Neymar laughs and follows Carles, and his heart feels light. There was a weight
on his shoulders, and Neymar had forgotten about it but now that it's been
lifted, Neymar feels light again.


–

Leo is seventeen, and Neymar thinks he may have held his promise after all.
Everything wasn't perfect but he may have managed to protect Leo from what
really mattered, and maybe, just maybe, he has been good for Leo.

–


The end of the year comes fast. Leo is in his last year of high school, and
like every boys his age, he doesn't know for sure what he wants to do
afterward. Every time he's asked he says he wants to sleep.

He's not bad at science though, and he enjoys mathematics – something which
Neymar has trouble understanding. They look deeper into that, looks at the
college syllabus, asks questions, visits places. It's boring as hell as far as
Neymar is concerned, but Leo seems interested in the answers he's given, so
there's that.

Neymar is sitting on Leo's bed and he watches him pack his luggage. They're
going on a trip together to celebrate Leo's birthday, and Leo is very bad at
hiding how eager he is. Neymar had to work for several months in a coffee shop
to pay for this trip, lying to Leo about his schedule, but it was worth it for
the face Leo made when he handed him the plane tickets this morning. The flight
is tomorrow and Neymar is excited like a puppy.

“I don't have enough underwear to last a week,” Leo frowns. “I think they all
are at your place.”

“Well, go commando, it's fine.” Leo throws him a look over his shoulders.
“Almost all your clothes are at mine anyway.”

Leo keeps packing, looking more and more frustrated as he realizes all his
clothes really are split between two places.

“Leo.” Leo turns to him curiously, and Neymar beckons him closer until Leo is
standing in between Neymar's legs. Neymar slides his hands into Leo's back
pocket and takes keys out – Leo's keys to his flat.

Leo aborts a movement to take them back.

“Wait.” Neymar takes a ribbon out of his own pocket, and ties it around Leo's
key, before handing the keys back to Leo. “Happy birthday!”

Leo stares at the keys in his hand. “Why did you tie a ribbon around it?”

“Well it's yours now.”

“It's always been mine. You made me do them at my own costs.” Leo's lips are
starting to stretch into a smile, “You're stupid.”

Neymar grins widely. “My place is closer to college.”

“No it's not. You literally live in front of my house.”

“Don't be so sour,” Leo rolls his eyes at him, a wide smile on his face, “I
even asked your parents if it was fine.”

“Did you?”

“Yeah. They're going to sell your house. It's always empty anyway. They said
they'll give you a monthly allowance and all. You should thank them later.”

Leo nods. “And they didn't think it was weird? That I'd...live with you? Did
you tell them we were dating?”

Neymar snorts. “Right, of course I did. And then I gave them the date of our
wedding, asked them whether they could watch the kids on weekends, and informed
them of the exact place we want to be buried in when we die.”

Leo laughs. “Idiot.”

“They didn't find it weird. They understand you don't like being alone, so they
think it's easier like that. Plus they asked Carles for advice and he said it
was all good.”

Neymar can't stop smiling, but Leo doesn't seem to fare any better.

Neymar lifts his arms and brings Leo's head down, bumping their foreheads
together, and when Leo breaches the space between their lips, it's more teeth
than tongue because of the smiles on their faces.

Somewhere in between the kisses and the embraces, Leo whispers thank you and if
Neymar was a cheesier man he would have said thankyou.


–

Leo is eighteen--- Leo is. Leo is, and Neymar is with him.

 
Chapter End Notes
     Dum dum.
     Well I hope you weren't disappointed. At any rate, it's the final
     chapter, so I'm free again !
     Thanks to everyone who followed this story and bothered to stay
     interested even though I may have updated a bit sporadically ^^
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