Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6216118.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Captain_America_(Movies), Marvel_Cinematic_Universe
  Relationship:
      James_"Bucky"_Barnes/Steve_Rogers
  Character:
      Steve_Rogers, James_"Bucky"_Barnes
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Student/Teacher, Teacher-Student_Relationship,
      student!bucky, Teacher!Steve, Break_Up, This_is_painful_guys, but_it's
      only_the_beginning, Steve_is_being_stupid, These_two_love_each_other_ok,
      Anal_Sex, Anal_Fingering
  Series:
      Part 3 of My_Body,_Your_Hands
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-03-11 Completed: 2017-11-25 Chapters: 3/3 Words: 4206
****** If You're Gonna Shoot Me Down, Do It Gently ******
by ToastMaloneIII
Summary
     Their relationship is going great. Until, it's not. Because no matter
     how much Steve loves Bucky, he can't help but feel guilty. He can't
     help feeling like this is all his fault.
Notes
     So this is going to be a multi-chapter work for my "My Body, Your
     Hands" series. I'm not sure where it's headed yet, but I promise to
     try and make it end happily. Right now? Not so happy. It's definitely
     gonna hurt a lot. As always, I love your comments and welcome
     suggestions! xo Jade
***** I'm The Mistake You Wanna Make *****
Steve likes to think that he's a pretty smart guy. He's done well for himself,
has a nice apartment and a steady source of income. He has two degrees and
works at one of the most prestigious private schools in the country, so yeah
most would agree that he's intelligent. Which is why he can't, for the life of
him, figure out why he's risking it all for a silly relationship with a
teenager. 
The problem is, it's not silly at all. It's not just the sex, which is fucking
amazing. It's the fact that this boy, this teenager, is perfect. He's
everything Steve has ever wanted. Every time he sees Bucky, his heart soars. He
feels like he's flying, like he'll float away with the wind. Steve finds
himself staring at the boy in awe, caught up in his beauty. The way his eyes
light up as he tells Steve about his day, or how his fingers gracefully traipse
over piano keys. He especially enjoys catching Bucky in moments that he thinks
no one is watching. In the morning when he's making breakfast, hips swaying to
the song he's quietly humming. The way he scrunches his face up in the mirror
while he plays with his hair. He likes the way Bucky chews on the end of his
pen while he works, the way he sips his coffee, the way he ties his shoes, and
wow Steve realizes that he's just listing things that people do. 
He's got it bad for this boy. 
Steve loves Bucky.
It hits him one day as he's watching Bucky stir sugar into his coffee. They are
sitting in a crowded Starbucks, meeting for a "tutoring session", and Steve
catches himself staring at the light freckles that have settled along the
bridge of the boy's nose and cheeks. His chest suddenly feels too tight, as
thought he might burst apart at the seems. In the same breath he notices, in
the corner of his eye, a group of kids around Bucky's age laughing and taking
selfies. 
His heart sinks. 
Steve realizes how selfish he's been. How he's robbing Bucky of his childhood.
The boy should be spending his time with friends, not with a boyfriend who is
old enough to be his father. His Saturday nights should be spent at the mall or
the movies with his peers, not at Steve's place. Guilt rears it's ugly head and
he frowns. He can picture Bucky resenting him later in life. Cursing the fact
that he didn't get what everyone else got.
"Steve?" Bucky's voice pulls him from his thoughts and he looks up at the boy. 
"Yeah Buck?" 
"You OK? You seem upset. If you frown like that too long your face will stick
that way." Bucky is gazing at him with a mixture of concern and humor and it
tugs at Steve's heart. Those beautiful ocean eyes staring back at him with such
trust and adoration.  
"I'm fine, Bucky. Let's head back, hmm?" The boy agrees and they gather their
things, and begin the walk back to Steve's apartment. 
Steve walks slow, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the sound of the traffic
around them. He laughs as Bucky skips ahead of him and struts down the
sidewalk, throwing dramatic looks over his shoulder at Steve. He soaks in this
memory, the sounds and smells, relishes in the beauty of it. He's decided on
what he has to do and no matter what happens tomorrow, he want's to have this
moment. 
 
That afternoon, after they've both showered and are lying in bed lazily
kissing, Steve makes love to him. He forgoes the toys and restraints and his
commanding tone, he wants it to be just the two of them. He kisses every inch
of Bucky's body, licking and sucking and nibbling on soft skin until the boy is
a panting, shivering mess. He finds Bucky's lips again and fucks into the boy's
mouth with his tongue while he grinds their cocks together. 
When he finally gets to Bucky's ass, he fingers him until he's sobbing. He's
got four fingers inside of Bucky and the boy's legs are visibly shaking, his
head thrashing on the pillows as he begs to be taken. Tears are streaming down
his cheeks and Steve decides to take pity on the boy. He slides his fingers
free of Bucky's hole and reaches for a condom. His cock jumps at the hungry
look in Bucky's eyes and he growls, shoves the boy's knees to his chest and
enters him in one smooth thrust. 
Fingers scrabble for purchase on his shoulders and Bucky's nails dig into his
skin as he screams and claws at Steve. He groans and drops his forehead to rest
on Bucky's. They are both panting, bodies strung tight as they fight the
pleasure running through their bodies, trying to make it last. Steve waits
until Bucky says he ready before slamming in and out of the body beneath him.
He fucks Bucky like it's the last time, like he's starving for it. 
When they do finish, it's with such intensity that Steve collapses onto Bucky,
the boy's arms encircling his broad shoulders as he tries to calm his
breathing. They are both a wreck, bodies covered in bruises and bite marks and
in desperate need of a shower, but neither if them move. Both can sense that
something is wrong, but no one wants to ruin this. No one wants this to end. 
 
When they see each other next, it's Wednesday after school. Steve's reading
essays in his office, silently hoping that Bucky won't show up because he
doesn't know exactly how he's going to say what he needs to say. Sure enough,
an hour after the last bell, Bucky's smiling face rounds the corner and enters
his office. He begins shutting the blinds and he's about to close, and lock,
the door when Steve stops him. 
"Leave it open." Steve says and Bucky turns around to shoot him a concerned
look. 
"Ohhhkayyy." He replies slowly and plops himself gracefully into the chair
across from Steve. "What are we doing tonight? I told my mom that I'm staying
over at Tony's to study, so we have all night." Bucky flicks mindlessly through
his phone as he talks and Steve is slowly dying inside. How can he do this to
the boy? Worse, how can he do this to himself?
"Bucky," Steve starts and his tone must convey his distress because the boy
looks up, eyes wide and full of concern, "I-..." He trails off listlessly and
Bucky moves to his side of the desk, sitting in front of Steve. His hands move
to cradle the older man's face and he rubs softly at the arch
of Steve's cheekbone with his thumb. 
"Hey, is everything alright?" Bucky asks and Steve nearly snorts as tears start
to gather in his eyes. Bucky is concerned about him, as if Steve's not about to
tear his world apart. Steve takes the boy's hands into his own and looks up
into those beautiful blue eyes.
"No. Buck, we-we gotta stop this." Steve hasn't even gotten the words
completely out and Bucky freezes, his body going rigid. "It's not fair to you.
You deserve a normal life, high school, friends, not spending your time with
me." 
Bucky's head is moving back and forth, his beautiful eyes welling with tears as
he shakes his head in disbelief. Steve reaches to cup his face, to pull him
close and comfort him, and the boy jerks away violently, moving to the other
side of the small room. 
"No. No no nonono." 
"Buck please, you gotta understand." 
"Steve?" Bucky whispers and it breaks his heart; tears him in two, "Please
don't do this. Please don't leave me." Steve gathers the crying boy into his
arms and rocks him slowly. Bucky sobs into his shirt, his fingers clenched
sharply into the fabric.
"Bucky, I have to do what's best for you, baby. I gotta make this right." 
"B-But I love you Steve," The words are whispered brokenly and before Steve can
respond Bucky tears out of his grip and grabs his bag. He turns to leave and
stops in the doorway, Steve's heart stops at the look on the boy's face. 
"Baby, you gotta let me go, you'll see later. This is what's best."
The boy says nothing, just turns to leave and, suddenly, Bucky is gone. 
 
Steve is numb as he gathers his books and walks to his car. His body feels
heavy and at the same time empty. He gets in his car and stares blankly out the
windshield for several moments, tears threatening to fall. 
He finally manages to make it home and collapses onto his bed. Steve showers,
letting the hot water attempt to bring some warmth to his core even though he
knows it won't help. He scrubs his skin raw and gets out, stopping to stare at
his blotchy, red face in the mirror. He dresses in briefs and the sweater that
Bucky always wore, inhaling the scent that still lingers. He crawls into bed
and buries himself in the covers. 
He has one missed call and one voicemail. Both from Bucky. 
S-Steve, I'm sorry for whatever I did. I didn't mean it, whatever made you
leave. I'm sorry. I just... I... need you. I-I can't do this without you. I'll
do whatever it takes to fix this. A-Anything. Everything. Please just tell me
what to do to f-fix this. I'll make it right. I need to fix this. Please.
Steve's sobbing as soon as he hears Bucky's voice and it only gets worse as the
message goes on. Bucky sounds so broken, so lonely. It makes Steve hate
himself. He wants so badly to fix it, to just make it all go away, but he can't
do that to Bucky, he can't take his life away from him. 
He cries himself to sleep that night, throat hoarse and eyes raw as he tries to
convince himself that he's done the right thing.
***** Too Far Away To Feel You But I Can't Forget Your Skin *****
Chapter Summary
     It might be over, but neither of them can seem to forget.
Chapter Notes
     I am very aware that I have been inactive for a while. I had rough
     time for a while and my inspiration was at zero, but I'm back. My
     laptop is busted, so have patience please.
     I am super self conscious about this chapter, this wasn't the plan in
     the beginning but it seems to have a mind of it's own. If anyone has
     an suggestions or ideas let me know, I'm open to them!
     As always please let me know what you guys think!
The moment Steve enters the club, he regrets it. The flashing lights and
gyrating bodies make him nauseous and he contemplates turning right back around
and leaving. Instead, he heads to the bar and orders a drink.
It's the first night he's left the house in three weeks. The first week after
the breakup, Steve hadn't left the couch. He’d called in sick and spent his
days drinking, eating ice cream, and watching the shopping network. Natasha
hounded him for days, saying that the only way to get over his funk was to get
back in the swing of things.
Steve sips his jack and coke and surveys the room. He really can’t stomach the
idea of taking anybody home but he feels like he should at least give it some
effort. He should at least pretend that he’s trying. The usual mix of lithe
twinks and well-muscled jocks consume the dance floor and he finds his eyes
landing on a familiar form swaying in the crowd.
He stills when he realizes that it’s Bucky.
Correction, it’s not just Bucky. It’s Bucky and another boy grinding on the
dance floor, hands gripping tight jeans and mouths brushing as they dance. His
heart pounds in his chest at the image.
After the initial voicemail Bucky left him on the night of their breakup, Steve
had avoided phone calls from the boy every day for a week. He felt awful about
the way he treated Bucky, but it was for the best. A clean break was just what
Bucky needed in order to move on.
And move on he had. Steve watched the two bodies move gracefully to the beat,
jealousy sparking hot in his belly. Steve threw down cash for his drink and
stood to leave just as Bucky’s gaze met his own. Those stormy grey eyes widen
in surprise and Steve’s stomach knots in anticipation. Does he say hi? Pretend
he didn’t see him? He doesn’t exactly know the protocol for interacting with
your 17 year old ex boyfriend.
Apparently Bucky has an idea. His eyes wander to the bathrooms near the back of
the club and cocks his head toward them before heading that way. Steve follows
obediently. He knows it’s probably a bad idea, but he’s secretly greedy for any
time he can still have with Bucky.
He enters the dark hallway and knocks on the bathroom door. It cracks open and
Bucky grabs him by the shirtfront and pulls him inside.
The tension between them is palpable, so thick in the air Steve almost chokes
on it. Bucky’s hands are still bunched in Steve’s shirt and it has him scared
to move. He doesn’t want to scare Bucky and break the contact. The boy exhales
shakily and rests his head on Steve’s chest.
“I hate you so much.” The pain in his voice rips Steve’s heart in two and he
wraps his arms around the boy, pulling him close.
“I’m so sorry, Bucky. I really am. I’m doing what’s best for you, I promise.
You’ll understand one day.”
The hands that were previously knotted in his shirt are suddenly shoving him
away. Bucky stalks to the door and looks back at Steve, anger marring his
beautiful face.
“How about you stop trying to do what you think is best for me and let me make
my own decisions?”
“Bucky, wait-” The door slams shut and the boy is gone.
Steve chokes on a sob and sags against the wall.
 
----
 
On Monday, the students in his classes are buzzing with gossip. Apparently, one
of the star football players was spotted making out with another guy. By second
period, Steve has figured out that Brock is the football player and that he was
caught with Bucky. By lunch, he’s heard multiple whispers that someone saw them
fucking in the locker room.
He hears a conversation from his office later that afternoon. Brock explains to
his coach that he’s not gay, he just let “some whiny little fag” blow him.
Steve snaps a pencil in two by accident.
 
----
 
Thursday, after the bell rings, Steve calls for Bucky to stay after class. The
boy slumps back into his seat and fixes Steve with a defiant stare. He makes
his way toward Bucky’s desk and leans against the edge.
“What is the issue, Mr. Rogers?” The formality goes straight to his dick and
Steve shifts uncomfortably, catching the grin that Bucky shoots his way.
“Bucky, I’m worried about you. There are rumors going around, about you and
that kid Brock-”. Bucky’s eyes go wide and he surges to his feet.
“Un-fucking-believable!! You break up with me and now you want to complain
about me seeing other people? That’s not how this works, Steve!”
“That is not what this is...” Bucky turns to leave and Steve spins him around
and grabs him by the shoulders, “Do you know what they are saying about you?
Brock is telling everyone that he let you suck his cock because he pities you!
Is that the kind of person you want to be with?”
“Oh fuck you, Steve. I’m doing exactly what you told me to,” he picks up his
bag and stalks toward the door, “I’m living my life.”
 
----
 
After his talk with Bucky, that went just fucking spectacularly, Steve sulks.
Bucky is right, Steve has no right to interfere in his life. Steve wanted him
to have a normal life and that’s just what he’s doing.
He spends Saturday night on the couch with a brand new pint of Ben & Jerry’s
and a Looking marathon. Just about the time that Steve considers breaking open
a bottle of vodka, his doorbell rings. Steve shrugs off the blanket he’s got
wrapped around shoulders and goes to answer it.
Slumped against the doorframe, soaking wet from the rain, is Bucky. He’s
clearly very drunk and his eyes are tinged red as though he has been crying.
“Steeeb!” Bucky giggles and lurches into his arms. Startled, Steve wraps his
arms around the boy in an effort to hold him up. He looks beyond him and frowns
when he doesn’t see a car or the boy’s bike.
“Bucky, did you walk here?!” Bucky mumbles something unintelligible and wraps
his arms around the older man’s neck, face rubbing against Steve’s chest.
Steve pulls the boy inside and leads him to the bathroom to dry off.
“Bucky, what happened?” He’s got the boy seated on the edge of the tub so that
he can remove his shoes and socks.
“I missed you Steeb,” Bucky cradles Steve’s face in his hands and kisses him
softly before nuzzling his face into the blond’s neck. Despite the stench of
alcohol, Steve’s heart melts.
“Oh baby, I missed you too.” He pulls the smaller body close again and lets
himself indulge for just a moment. He’s missed this so much, he aches for it.
He gently peels the rest of Bucky’s clothes off and starts the shower. After a
few minutes of contemplating, Steve sheds his own clothes and joins the boy
under the warm spray.
Bucky tries his best to get handsy and Steve does his best to stop him. Hands
grope Steve’s ass and cock and he has to bat the flirtatious fingers away.
Bucky whines at the rejection and pouts while Steve washes him.
When they’ve finally made it to bed, Bucky starts peeling off the pyjamas Steve
had to forced on him. He’s still very tipsy and Steve’s not one to take
advantage but boy, does it take all of his will power.
Bucky presses his naked body against Steve, his mouth hot on the older man’s
neck. Steve pushes him away gently and the boy lets out a frustrated groan.
“Steeb! Why won’t you let me touch you?!” His hands wander to Steve’s chest,
rubbing against the warm, taut skin.
“Bucky, you’ve been drinking. I promise we will talk in the morning when you
are sober. For now let’s just-” The sound of slapping skin interrupts him and
he looks over to find Bucky jerking himself off. Steve sighs but doesn’t look
away. “You are gonna be the death of me, baby.”
It doesn't take Bucky long to finish and when he does, he’s quick to fall
asleep. Before he does, he curls into Steve and mumbles into his ear.
“I love you.”
***** When We Touch It's Too Much *****
Chapter Summary
     They finally talk to each other about their feelings, rather than
     pout like children.
Chapter Notes
     I did it! I made everything better! I'm surprised I finished this so
     fast, the inspiration came to me and I went with it.
     If anyone has requests as to scenes they'd like to see in this
     universe, please ask away. I will probably do a fic for Bucky's b-day
     and graduation, but after that we are pretty much done with this AU.
     Thanks for all of the support and love, you guys are the best!
See the end of the chapter for more notes
Bucky wakes to Steve’s face smushed into his armpit.
When they were still together, it wasn’t an unusual position for them to wake
up in. Bucky loved to sprawl across the bed and take up as much space as
possible while sleeping. Steve liked to curl against the boy’s body and with
his limbs starfished over any and all surface area, the older man often woke
wrapped around Bucky’s torso.
Bucky attempts to untangle himself from the death grip Steve has on him but the
older man only tightens his grasp and snuffles against the sensitive skin of
Bucky’s underarm. Bucky muffles his laugh very poorly, and Steve wakes with a
start. Eyes darting around the room before landing on the boy beneath him.
“Uh, sorry.” Steve pulled away, cheeks flushed with embarrassment. His cheek is
rex from where it was pressed against the boy's skin and his hair is in
complete disarray. Bucky thinks he looks adorable.
Bucky shuffles to sit up against the headboard, hastily pulling the blankets
with him when he realizes that he’s completely naked.
“I think I should be the one apologizing. I don’t remember what exactly I said
last night, but I’m sure it was pretty bad.” He rubs the back of his neck
nervously, eyes focusing on the zigzagging pattern on the duvet.
“Hey,” Steve scoots up the bed, hands grabbing Bucky’s and tangling their
fingers together. “Other than trying to have your wicked way with me, you were
pretty well behaved. Aside from the underage drinking that is.” Bucky groans
and buries his face in Steve’s neck.
“Fuuuuuck.”
“How about you get dressed and meet me in the kitchen? We need to talk, but we
should probably do it while we are both dressed and fed.”
“Deal.”
Bucky decides to take a shower, he needs time to think and he’s sure Steve
could probably benefit from some alone time as well. When he enters the living
room, hair damp and wearing Steve’s baggy sweats, he finds the older man
setting the table and the smell of bacon permeates the air.
“You are seriously the best, I don’t deserve you.” Steve just smiles at the
compliment and motions for Bucky to sit.
They both eat in silence, neither one of them sure how to start the
conversation. When they are finished, Bucky clears the table and they wash
dishes side-by-side. Bucky washing, Steve drying.
They settle on the couch, each of them on their own cushion, facing each other.
Steve takes a deep breath and decides to rip off the bandaid.
“Can I start by asking what you did last night before you showed up here?”
Bucky flushes but nods and takes a deep, grounding breath. It’s just Steve,
nothing to be afraid of.
“I confronted Brock about the things you told me. I asked him what we were
doing and he confirmed everything you said. That I was just good at sucking
cock and he only wanted some fun.” Steve’s fingers curl into fists in the
blanket between them and Bucky grabs his hands, fingers running along the older
man’s in an attempt to soothe his anger. “It’s not that I thought we were going
to get married or anything, but it hurt, hearing the words from him. After
that, all I could think about was you, and went to the club and got wasted.
Then I came here because drunk me has no impulse control or common sense at
all. And I apparently tried to get in your pants.”
“Thank you for telling me, I was worried about you. I also want to apologize
for breaking up with you the way I did. At the time, I thought it was the best
thing for us. And I should have talked to you about what I was feeling rather
than doing what I thought was best for us. We are a team and I was acting like
I was in charge.”
“Can I ask something?” Steve's nod encourages him and Bucky bites his lip
nervously, “Do you still love me?” he instantly regrets asking, he sounds small
and childish and he wants nothing more than the ground to open up and swallow
him whole. Right now. Actually, like forty-five seconds ago.
“I-Buck-” his heart sinks, this is it, Bucky knew it. Steve doesn't love him
anymore. Tears sting his eyes and Bucky holds his breath, chest tight with
fear. “Of course I still love you and I never want to hear you ask that again.
I will always love you.”
Just like that, all of the air rushes from his lungs and Bucky feels dizzy,
almost like he's still drunk. The tears that were threatening to spill earlier
have come out in full force. He sniffles and Steve gathers the boy in his arms
mumbling soft, reassuring words.
Once the tears have stopped, Bucky and Steve move back to the bedroom. They
burrow under the blankets, kissing lazily and smoothing fingers over warm skin.
“Does this mean we are back together?” Bucky asks tentatively, not sure where
they go from here.
“I guess that's up to you, I did break up with you and you don't have to take
me back.” Steve sounds nervous, like Bucky may not want that anymore. And to be
fair, Bucky does have some trepidation about rekindling their relationship. He
doesn't think he could handle another break up, not like the one they had.
“I want us to be in a relationship again, but I think we need to work on how we
communicate with each other. I need you to tell me how you are feeling and vice
versa, we can’t get wrapped up in our heads and let this fall apart again.”
“Agreed. And there’s the issue of our age difference. I think we need to keep
this off of school property. I don't want to risk anything happening before you
graduate.”
“Fine with me.” Bucky begins to place soft, wet kisses on Steve’s chest, making
his way to one firm pec and capturing the nipple with his teeth. Steve groans
and tangled his fingers in the boy's hair. Bucky nibbles and sucks, teasing the
sensitive flesh until it's red and tender.
“Okay, I guess we are done talking then?” Bucky looks up at him from under his
lashes as he licks slowly down Steve’s chest to his rapidly hardening cock.
“I think our meeting is adjourned, unless you have anything else to add, Sir?”
Steve inhales sharply at the title, cock twitching against Bucky’s lips.
“Only that you are a fucking tease and I'm going to make you cum until you
cry.” Steve grabs Bucky and pulls him up the mattress, flipping their positions
so that he has the boy pinned beneath him. Bucky just giggles.
“Promise?”
Chapter End Notes
     Again, please send me any requests you guys have!
Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed
their work!