Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/346590.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
  Fandom:
      Final_Fantasy_XII
  Relationship:
      balthier/ghis/bergan, Balthier/Ghis, Balthier/Bergan, Balthier/Fran/Basch
      fon_Ronsenburg
  Character:
      Balthier, Bergan, Ghis, Fran, Basch_fon_Ronsenburg, Penelo, Vaan_(Ivalice
      Alliance), Ashelia_B'nargin_Dalmasca, Vossler_York_Azelas, Vossler
      Azelas, Gabranth
  Additional Tags:
      Child_Abuse, Childhood, Hurt/Comfort, POV_First_Person, Non_Consensual,
      Pedophilia, Rape, Underage_Sex
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-02-25 Chapters: 4/? Words: 15447
****** I'd Rather Forget ******
by littleartemis
Summary
     There are somethings from Balthier's past, he'd rather not face, and
     would rather leave buried deep in his memory, forgotten.
Notes
     After finally opening an account here, I figured I'd post some of my
     old inprogress fics here. This one will be very dark, have hurt/
     comfort, and will constant m/m, m/m/f, m/f, and f/f. Pairings to come
     in future chapters include Bal/Basch/Fran, and Penelo/Ashe.
     All things will be tagged as it progresses.
     This is a multi-chapter fic and will be updated as I can.
***** Prologue *****
Chapter Summary
     Balthier has a nightmare of his childhood, and the camp finds out
     just why he flees from his past.
“Come Ffamran, do I scare you that terribly?” The cruel voice
pierced my ears, as painful as the grip about my neck. My back ached from being
shoved into the hard rock of the cave. Gripping the armored hand about my
throat as well as I could, I clawed at it, desperate to breath as a second set
tugged at my clothing, the perverse effort making me feel ill. It was difficult
to fend off the two older men as I was held in the air, the rock face keeping
me here.
“Mmm, and this is news to you, Bergan?” A evil laugh came from
below me, as cold fingers went beneath the thin cloth of my shirt, caressing my
young, teenage flesh. “He’s always been afraid of us, hiding in
any place imaginable. I’m sure if he wasn’t always in it,
he’d even hide in Galbranth’s armor.” A blush coated my
cheeks at the mention of the youngest judge magister. I was only a judge in
training, working for the honor of being one of the Magister’s. Gabranth
himself assisted in my training, and despite how annoying people complained I
could be he did not mind, he had told me that training a new one was a fun
alternative to guarding the little prince.
My thoughts were halted as I felt my pants being ripped from me, legs bared to
the cold air. Gasping, I clawed harder at the hand, crying as Judge Ghis began
removing my underwear. Bergan licking his lips, eyes focus on the bare flesh
instead of my tearful face. “Please!” I choked out, sobbing
desperately. “Please stop it!”
“Hush, Ffamran.” Ghis sneered, tugging my underwear down as
Bergan set me on my feet, holding my hands above my head instead. Pulling off
his belt with his spare hand, he looked at Ghis, “I’m going to
turn him momentarily.” Nodding, the disgusting man took his hands from
me, and I choked a little as I was roughly turned, face pressed into the wall,
hands pulled behind me. He used his belt to tie my writhing thin arms, before
turning me about again to be molested by Ghis’s calloused hands.
Pulling out a knife, Bergan smirked cruelly at me, before sliding the sharp
edge beneath my shirt, and cutting the piece of clothing open. I was squirming,
and sobbing again as the both of them touched my skin, Bergan’s lips
touching mine as his fingers caressed my cold nipples. The tears wetted my
lips, and as he pulled away he licked them off my face, taking enjoyment in my
torture.
I could feel fingers sliding up my thighs, stroking places I’d never
imagined anyone touching. Gasping, I tried to move away from them,
“please! Stop touching me!” I gasped, trembling as Ghis’s
fingers stroked my entrance, laughing at my attempts at getting away from him.
Bergan too chuckled, roughly taking my chin into his hand. “Should we
bend him over so he can’t kick any one?” He purred, looking down
at his companion.
“I think that would be a good idea.” Ghis smirked, watching as I
was thrown to the ground carelessly. Lifting myself to my knees, I looked at
them fearfully as they laughed, my penis dangling limply between my legs as I
tried to back away in fear. Ghis sat behind me though, preventing any escape I
had in mind, my eyes watching as Bergan began removing his pants. Crying as I
was pushing over so my face was in the man’s crotch, I felt
Ghis’s hands on my ass again, touching me in places that have ever only
been touched by myself.
A low whimper escaped my lips, listening as they both removed their pants,
readying to rape me. Steal my virginity like they had been stealing my
innocence. Molestation was not enough, neither was torture. It seemed that they
had to fully destroy me.
Pain erupted through my entire being, and I cried out, finding my mouth filled
with Bergan, both snickering at how pathetic I was. “Balthier, wake
up.” My eyes lifted up to Bergan, no longer finding his face
there…
“Balthier! Thank the gods you are awake.” Fran murmured, running
her long fingers through my hair soothingly. “You were having a
nightmare, crying in your sleep.” Basch stood at the entrance to mine
and Fran’s tent, a lamp in hand, worried look in his deep blue eyes. The
others were behind him, fidgeting nervously, as if I might lash out at them any
minute. “They heard your screams, I am sorry, but I have never seen you
this scared. You have had nightmares before, but never this bad…”
Sad red eyes looked down at me, and I felt a pang in my heart, reaching up to
stroke her cheek solemnly.
“I apologize,” my voice hoarse, I smiled weakly. “To all
of you, I’m sorry to wake you.” Nodding, I raised myself to a
sitting position, watching as they eyed my uncertainly.
“It is not your fault, whatever it is, and we are in no position to tell
you otherwise.” They nodded, and I had to look down at my feet. When I
had nightmares living at home, father would punish me for disturbing his work,
or his sleep. And while in the training encampments, I would be blamed, and
punished for keeping my fellow trainee’s awake at night. Having people
tell me it was not my fault…it made me want to cry. Tears began flowing
from my eyes, and I ducked my head down low so that only Fran could see, though
I was sure that Basch had noticed.
Telling the others to go back to sleep, he quietly entered, resting a hand on
my shoulder as Fran rubbing my back in soothing circles. “How long has
he been like this?” The soldier asked her in a whisper as his hand moved
up to my neck. Though I knew it was merely in comfort, I could not help but
tense. He let out a low curse and sat down next to me, pulling my shirt away
from my neck. Making a small noise, I tried to move away, but he used his
available arm to hold me in place, making soothing sounds as his eyes inspected
my neck. “So this is why you always hide your neck…” He
murmured, eyeing the scars with disgusted interest. “How long have you
been like this, and who did this to you?” Blue eyes bore into my own
brown ones, and I felt like the teenager I was long ago, back when I used to
get the same commanding stare from Basch’s twin, my commander and
trainer.
Swallowing, I stuttered out the answer. Not out of fear of harm, but as I did
not want him angry with me. After being with Galbranth, I was well aware that
with the Ronsenberg twins, it was best you stay on their good side. Fran was
used to me being elusive, but to be with Basch, or his brother, you let them
know anything they demanded. “Six years, and the marks are from
Judge’s Bergan, and Ghis.” I answered quickly, my voice barely
above a whisper, as I pulled my shirt out of his grasp, hiding the marks. I
stared at the cloth of the tent, my eyes avoiding his; though I could feel him
tense next to me, as well as the gasp erupting from Fran’s lips. Tears
were falling from my eyes once more, and I could not help the sob that escaped
my lips this time. I would probably be seen as disgusting now, even more so if
information got out. I couldn’t tell if one of the younger ones were
listening in…
Feeling arms wrap around me, two sets of them, I turned to find them sitting
next to each other, holding me so that I was laying on both of them. Hugging
myself, I lay on them, sobbing till I fell asleep once more.
For the longest time, the nightmares had been mere small flashes. I could sleep
fine. After the battle with Judge Ghis though, they had come back. Though
bearable with soothing remedies, it was tough. After the last battle with Judge
Bergan, and realizing I had have to return to Archades and face my
father…the nightmares came back with full force, and grew unbearable.
The first happening in the Sandsea, I had woken to the owner at the door,
announcing complaints to Fran, and for the rest of the night, I sat at the bar,
nursing my drink.
The trip up till now was just as bad, with sleepless nights and rough fights
during the day. Making it this far was bad, and it was going to get worse as
they made it through the Tchitia Uplands, and through Sohen Cave…
***** Long Awaited Dream *****
Chapter Summary
     Balthier is finally visited by his first good dream. It is a sad
     memory, but it's better then the nightmares that have been plaguing
     him.
My arms wrapped tightly about me as we walked about the sunny grassland. All
that could be seen were the regular creatures; wolves, tortoises, toads,
snakes, cats. I wasn’t among the main team at the time, so I had no need
to worry as Vaan and Basch walked beside me, eyes ahead of them as the girls
battled through a pack of cats. I winced hearing the crack of Thundaga,
breathing deeply as Fran curaga’d Penelo and Ashe’s pain away.
The knight and thief before me barely noticed my apprehension.
Being in the Tchitia Uplands made me very nervous; we were close to Balfonheim,
which was the length of the Cerobi Steppe away, though that one was known to be
more dangerous so we would have to trek it later. Sadly, at the same time, we
had to go through the Sohen Cave Palace; it was on our way to Archades, where I
was to face my father. The memories of what the judges did to me in Sohen cave
still stood vividly in my mind, making me want to retreat. Take Fran’s
hand, and run to Balfonheim, forget the Princesses mission. I’d be safe
from nightmares in Balfonheim, where I could drink my woes away.
Listening to them talk, I heard Basch call my name. Quickening my pace, I
jogged to stand next to him, “we need you up front. Remember
we’re trying to strengthen ourselves equally, so no one falls
behind.” I nodded, knowing the hidden words. He did not want me to get
lost in my thoughts, in case we came upon something too big, and they needed my
healing abilities. I do not know why they did not give them to one of the
little ones, but I did not ask. It was our location that was riling me up, not
how they sapped my MP because they wanted to run around killing anything in
their tracks. Nodding to Fran as she joined the group, I walked by her, pulling
out my gun and ammunition. They were upon a group of Malboro’s and I
sighed inwardly, mentally counting the amount of healing items we had. Watching
them easily slay the creatures before being affected by any sort of ailment, I
followed, shooting and healing where I needed to as we made it to the cave.
“You sure this rabbit hole is really the way to Archades?” I
heard Vaan sigh, almost like a groan, as we entered, looking about.
“Better a hare unseen, then a rat in a trap.” I replied coolly,
stepping close to the young Dalmascan, looking down at him. “Then again,
if you’d prefer to go knocking on the front gates of the city, be my
guest.”
“But what about once we’re inside?” Curse Penelo for being
the smart one. Details, details, what did it matter? “Won’t the
city watch find us?” Basch and Ashe had their eyes on her, seeming to
agree with what the teenager said.
When Ashe spoke, she seemed solemn, as if she was close to defeat.
“We’ll do what we can to blend in with the crowd. Our names may
be notorious, but out faces are not far known.”
“True, true, you’re a princess, and we didn’t even
recognize you.” Vaan approached her, and arms crossed, I resisted the
need to smack him across the head. The young man needed to learn a lesson on
how to speak to women! Honestly!
“I noticed,” the princess held a harsh tone in her voice as she
walked away, Penelo covering her mouth, almost embarrassed by her friends word.
How can she stand him? I can only wonder.
“We’re remembering the hunt right?” I asked them all, arms
still crossed as I watched the zombies and imps patrol the labyrinth that was
the cave entrance. Though this was the Tchitia entrance, we were still far from
the Old Archades one. The man who’d assigned the hunt had given us a key
to the door, meaning we would be able to get through.
“Of course,” Ashe scowled, and I sighed, the woman was too high
strung for this. Understandable of course, but rather annoying at times,
especially when it made Basch more stressed as well. While the signs of him
being stressed were not noticeable, after being around him long enough,
I’d begin to notice them and wish she’d calm down.
“You need a break.” I rested a hand on her shoulder,
“you’ve built up your strength enough, Basch can come out and
assist us.” She was about to speak, but I shook my head. “If we
should come upon the hunt, we can either call upon Fran for assistance in
keeping him up. Otherwise, rest, you’ve worked hard enough.”
Nodding to the soldier, I continued to walk, ignoring the small giggle Penelo
let loose before skipping up to follow next to me. Basch jogged ahead to take
the lead, and the brunt of the damage we would be receiving while going through
the caves. The distractions of battle were a welcome thing as we walked through
the tunnels. It kept me unaware of the memories pressing for my attention.
Once they opened the door, and came upon the Mandragora’s, I pushed
Penelo behind me. “Send Fran forward. We’ll call for you if we
need you.” I murmured, watching Basch try to memorize their pattern.
Once the viera was at my side, I ran up next to the soldier, eyeing the group
of creatures cautiously. Listening as Basch cast dispelaga, I shot the closest
one of them, listening to the release of Fran’s bow behind me.
When the battle was over, I breathed a sigh of relief, leaning against one
stone wall for support. “We should continue to explore, see how much
farther we can go.” Basch murmured, sitting on his heels next to me,
absentmindedly curing a small wound on my leg. Fran had been mending her own,
whilst I was too busy with the soldiers to notice my own pain.
Whispering a small thank you, I slowly slid down the wall, thankful there were
no beasts here to fend off. Sitting for a moment, I cocked an eyebrow, curious
at how they were all looking at me. “Is it okay if we rest a moment
before continuing on?” My tone was dark, but I couldn’t help it.
This place was a living nightmare for me, and they were too busy focusing on
their mission.
It seemed Basch noticed how in pain I was on the inside, and he nodded.
“We may rest for a moment, and build up our strengths before moving
on.”
Fran nodded as well, shaking her hair from her eyes. “We must build up
our magic’s, and see if there is a rejuvenation cryst about.”
I couldn’t stop the laugh at Vaan’s shuddered, the others
chuckled a little, as the young man complained. “Last time we found one
in a creepy place, it was a bug instead!” He whined, looking as if he
were going to stomp his foot in protest.
“Aye, but crystal bugs are stationary, they do not move.” Basch
shook his head, “if we needed time to heal, all we need to do is move
out of its attack range.” Everyone nodded, even me as we eyed the
sighing thief.
“We rest here tonight, once we find the cryst. There should one
here.” Fran extended a hand to me, lifting me up. Brushing myself off, I
stalked past them, not wanting to really speak to anyone. I would have rather
not spent a night in the cave, but it seems everyone was determined to. Being
out numbered wasn’t pleasant, and rather than taking my anger out on
someone, I am just going to find the nearest beast to hurt.
To my dismay, the only one I came upon was a crystal bug in the guise of a
rejuvenation cryst. Sighing, I pulled out my gun as Basch and Penelo ran past,
attacking the angered creature. As usual, I merely sat back, curing and
attacking whenever needed. Amazingly, it wasn’t much. Seemed we’d
strengthened up a good deal while out in the uplands. Once finished, I stalked
silently away back into the large space where we’d fought the
Mandragora’s, ignoring any call for attention. I was in too much of a
bad mood for their comments, and tomorrow was likely to be worse. How could it
not be? I was going to be up all night with nightmares after sleeping where
they took place.
Laying out our things on the ground, I took my sleeping bag to one corner of
the hall, curling up with my things. I wouldn’t be able to take out my
stuffed toy tonight, as there was company present to see. Pushing the bag, with
it in it into the corner of where I was sleeping, I hugged my knees to my
chest, trying not to look fretful as I watched them approach their things,
Fran’s eyes clearly on me. She whispered something to the knight,
gesturing to me, and I couldn’t help but huddle further into my corner,
pouting slightly at the grumbling my stomach made. We hadn’t eaten since
venturing off that morning, so it was obvious I’d be hungry now. Though,
I didn’t feel like eating, I would have rather fallen asleep, to a
dreamless night. I’d welcome it with open arms.
My viera partner approached, reaching out and running her fingers through my
hair, laughing softly as I closed one eye to look up at her with annoyance.
“You will not bring your companion out tonight?” I blushed,
realizing what she was talking about, shaking my head vigorously.
“No, I’d rather not lose my dignity.” Resting my chin on
my knees, my eyes scanned the soldier’s boots with mild interest, not
wanting to look up into their sympathetic eyes. The soldier had been working
more and more information out of me in the time of our travels. Though, it was
only that I had a stuffed toy I slept with, that I’d not received much
sympathy in the past, and other basic things Fran knew. No details. Never any
details.
“You sleep easier with it. Please, Balthier, spare what little dignity
you can, and bring it out…” Her voice is soothing, but I
won’t give in. Not until Basch, with all his stubborn determination,
reached behind me, and pulls out the little plush doll of Judge Magister
Gabranth. Hugging my knees tighter, I buried my face deeper in the valley
between my legs and chest, feeling the tears coming from my eyes. My cheeks
burned with embarrassment, growing worse at the startled noise Basch made, and
how I could hear the others approaching.
“Wh…who gave you this…?” The man’s voice was
hoarse; when I looked up I found his own eyes on the brink of tears.
“The judge magister himself, he made it for me to calm me during nights
he wasn’t there. He, Zecht, Zargabaath, and Drace were like my
protectors. Though, Zargabaath was in charge of the army, Zecht regularly sent
off, and Drace was busy with little Larsa. Gabranth was my main aid in times of
need. In the beginning I would come to his office crying, after he’d
found me trembling in the court after one nightmare of course. When my father
began punishing me severely for waking him after these terrors, Gabranth had
made me that, hoping it would calm me when he was sent off on tasks…it
did.” Taking it back from him possessively, I pulled off the little felt
helmet, smiling slightly at the cloth face. “He once told me I was more
like his son then Cid’s. When I was readying to runaway, he was the one
that cried the most…that’s the only thing I regret about leaving.
Hurting him.”
“Someone’s always hurt when you run away…” Basch
murmured, lowering himself to one knee, running his fingers through my hair in
a comforting manner. Ashe, Vaan, and Penelo were silent as Fran and the soldier
tried to comfort me.
“Is he going to be okay?” The young dancer’s voice was
soft as she rested a hand on Basch’s shoulder, her eyes focused on me,
making me flinch nervously. “Maybe we should get out of here, and find
another way into Archades.” Both her an I ignored the annoyed sound the
princess made, most of the group concerned for me, the Archadian’s, well
being.
Shaking my head, I sighed, “no, the best way is through here. It leads
to Old Archades, which is a short distance from the royal city. Any other way
is difficult.”
Frowning, Basch looked me right in the eyes. “Then Fran and I are best
to rest here with you to make sure nothing goes wrong. The others can sleep
elsewhere in here. At least some of us are going to get some sleep.” He
rested a finger on my lips before I could speak, looking to the others.
“Go, Fran and I will watch him.” Shooing them off, he turned back
to me. “I’ll get our things, you just get settled.”
Nodding, I began undoing my vest, blushing at how Basch watched me, remembering
vaguely how only Fran had ever watched me remove it. The first time
she’d told me how she was amazed I could get it off so quickly with how
the latching went.
I listened as the soldier coughed, turning to approach the pile of things,
leaving me to my undressing. “Should we eat before resting?” I
called to him, listening absently as Fran went through my bag for anything else
I would need to survive the night.
“It would be wise, we’ll need the strength.” Nodding,
Basch went through the bag of food stuffs, calling to the young ones. They ran
over, I had to hold back a smile at how Ashe reminded me of a peasant girl with
how she acted when she was calm. I knew she would go back to being royalty when
this was over, and how it would break Penelo’s heart, but being like
this made me glad I followed. I could do without the nightmares though…
Feeling Fran wrap a blanket about my shoulders, I yawned, hugging the toy to me
tightly as I stood, kicking my shoes to one side. I’d worry about my
pants once sleep time came, right now; I was hungry, and feeling more sociable
then before. Which was to my benefit, it would assist me in forgetting my
location. “Should I pull out the food?” I asked Basch in passing.
“Vaan’s on it. You just sit down and rest.” Smiling a
little, he continued on, leaving me feeling a little useless. Though I knew he
didn’t mean to, I just liked having something to do with myself instead
of sitting idly waiting.
Seating myself, I sighed; watching Vaan drag the Courel’s corpse over,
listen to him mutter about sending Penelo out alone. Cocking my head to the
side, I observed Ashe, who seemed interested too. “What was she sent out
for?” Just the thing I wanted to know and it was good she asked.
“Fire wood.” The thief grunted, finally bringing the meat to its
destination, wiping the sweat off. “Hold on a sec if you’re going
after her. I’ll follow you out.”
Remembering that Fran and I were their healers, I immediately had to butt in.
“Aren’t you going to bring Fran?”
“We can get Penelo to change her gambits. Don’t worry.”
Smiling reassuringly, she ran off, ignoring Vaan’s yells. It appeared
that she was more concerned for the young dancer’s well being, then for
how close he was to joining her.
Laughing softly to myself, I jumped at the hand suddenly placed upon my
shoulder. Breathing deeply, I looked up into Basch’s apologetic eyes,
resting one of my hands on his. “Would you like to place the rocks down
for the fire pit?” His voice was soft, filled with concern. Nodding, I
shakily brought myself to my feet, brushing off the dirt. Staring at his
shoulders, I had to push aside the brooding thoughts of how small I was, and
strode past, tying the blanket about my neck like a child’s cape. Fran
alone brought on enough of those ideas; I didn’t need another to make me
feel depressed. Though, I was sure if I warmed up to him enough, he would be
like another Galbranth for me. I just had to remember it was Basch I was
talking to, not a Judge of the Empire.
It was not long after that I’d collected together the rocks to make the
pit, and the younglings came in, each carrying stacks of wood in their arms.
They set the pieces down, watching as I set the circle of stones for them to
place the wood in. “Did you bring ones for us to cook the meat
on?” I asked no one in particular, merely hoping to receive a reply.
“I saved the spit from the last fire.” Basch spoke, kneeling next
to me as he began setting the wood in the circle. The others couldn’t do
it as Penelo was busy removing splinters from her comrades. Her hushed
reprimands indicated that she had done this sort of thing before, and knew how
to not receive an injury. Unlike me, who had lived a high, privileged life, and
never knew hard labour until I was about sixteen. Even then, due to my sheer
laziness, and spoiled history it was difficult to get me to lift a finger. Few
of my mentors were capable of getting me to.
Galbranth, Zecht, and Zargabaath were the main three. Drace spoiled me in my
mother’s place, and Ghis and Bergan preferred to torture me. Thus, when
it came to anything I truly needed to get by in life, my three mentors were
there. It is true how Galbranth is more like my father. Through my training, he
was the one to wake me, dress me, teach me, and encourage me, everything my own
father forgot to do.
Left to my own brooding, I sat back in my corner. Dinner had been delicious,
and I’d have to remember to ask Basch where he’d learned to cook
sometime. Better than many of the Archadian cooks I’d been through, that
was for sure. Though, they thrived more on decorating common meals.
Basch’s, while not all appealing in appearance, were exotic in taste,
and exquisite in taste.
Patting my full stomach, I leaned back in my blankets; the one Fran had given
to me wrapped about me as I admired the ceiling. Hearing footsteps approach, I
noticed it was darker, and that two figures were growing close. Fran’s
high heels clicked on one side, the soldiers thudding footsteps on the other. A
comforting reassurance, as rarely did I have people sleep this close to me.
Fran usually slept further away, but it seemed with the knight’s kind
urgings, she drew closer, each one within reach should I, or they, need to
reach out for comfort, or in comfort.
Curling up in a ball, I held the little stuffed toy tightly to me, tucked in my
own cocoon of blankets. Within a few minutes I could hear Basch’s
snoring on one side, and Fran’s soft murmurs of sleep on the other.
Closing my eyes, I breathed softly, the last thoughts being of the brave
knight, and his brother.
“Why are you leaving?” He approached me from behind, as I packed
my things in my room. The gloved hand rested on my shoulder, halting my
progress. Breathing deeply, I looked up into the sad blue eyes, only outmatched
by the sadness in my own.
“I can’t live like this anymore, Galbranth. I need to leave this
place. I’m tired of father blaming me for things out of my control,
I’m tired of Ghis and Bergan’s torture, most of all I’m
tired of all the others soldiers ridiculing me. I wanted to work with airships,
not become a Judge, and have to follow orders. I hate orders!” Hugging
myself, I fell onto the neatly made bed, knowing Drace had probably come in
while I was asleep and made it. She would usually tend to me even though she
was only assigned to be Larsa’s caregiver. The little boy didn’t
seem to mind though; I was like another big brother to him.
The Judge was silent for a moment, watching as I carefully set the toy he gave
me into my bag. “You could stay with me.” He choked out, getting
onto his knees, and taking my hands into his. “Please, Ffamran, just
don’t leave us. Even if many others don’t care, it would break
Drace and I’s heart.”
“It’s Balthier now.” I said coldly in response to my true
name. “And while I will deeply regret leaving you two, I can’t
stay here much longer. Wild birds can’t survive in cages.”
Running fingers through his hair, my head darted to the window, finding the
viera I was to be leaving with there, tapping the glass with her long nails.
“Excuse me,” moving quickly away from him, I opened the window,
letting the silver haired beauty in. “You’re early.” One
eyebrow cocked, I smirked as she shook her hair from her eyes.
“I grew tired of waiting. The humes simple amazement at having a viera
in their presence is bothersome. They do not know when to stop staring.”
A slight scowl on her lovely features, she stood, waiting patiently now. Not
bothering to comment on my company.
Nearing him, I smiled sadly. “My partner is here, as you can see, I
still have some packing to go through. Tell Drace I am sorry for leaving
without saying good bye, but it had to be done.”
“What of the others?” Galbranth asked quietly, staring at the
floor.
“Zecht and Zargabaath can receive an apology too. But Ghis and Bergan
can rot in the Sohen Cave for all I care.” Snarling, I shoved the last
of the possessions I would need into the bag.
I hadn’t heard him stand, and I couldn’t resist jumping once I
was pulled into strong arms, held close in the warm embrace. “I’m
sorry I couldn’t save you in time…” He murmured softly in
my ear.
“Not your fault…” Patting his hands, I pulled away,
closing my back. “Good bye,” I nodded to him, following Fran out
the window. “And I’m sorry.” Swallowing hard as I left, my
heart broke, as my last sight of him, was the first time I’d ever seen
the Judge cry.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
“Balthier!” Feeling clawed hands on my shoulders, I quickly woke
to find the knight, and my partner leaning over me with concerned expressions.
Groggily, I sat up, holding one hand to my dizzy head. Staring at them, I was
glad to at least know it wasn’t a nightmare, the fact was held up by the
echoed snoring of the thief.
“What is it?” I yawned, cocking one eyebrow.
“You were talking in your sleep. We were worried.” Basch ran his
fingers through my hair.
“Just a dream.” I shrugged, “not a nice one, but better
then a nightmare. I dreamt of Galbranth. The only bad part about it was
remembering how he cried when I left.” My eyes stared at the toy in my
hands, sighing deeply as I hugged it to myself.
Nodding Fran rested her head on my shoulder. “I remember he was
desperate to keep you with him.”
Feeling Basch lay on my legs, I smiled a little. “Now that you know I
was only talking to the Judge in my sleep, may I rest again? I am likely not to
get another good night’s rest for a while.” They chuckled at
that, unanimously agreeing that I needed rest, and going back to their
respective spots. Smiling myself, I curled back to rest, curious if I’d
have another good dream or not.
***** Take Me Away *****
Chapter Summary
     Balthier has a nightmare of his encounter with Ghis on the Shiva, and
     soon after has some not so fond memories of his last encounter with
     Bergan on Mt. Bur Omicse.
When I woke, it was to shuffling of feet, and orders being called by Basch.
Sitting up, I noticed everyone was working, but me. I could feel my cheeks
flushing in embarrassment at not being awake to help them. Why didn’t
they wake me to assist them? I was used to working on little sleep, and while I
might sometimes get cranky, it was no big deal. So why were they moving about
as if it didn’t matter that I continued to sleep?
Sitting up, I watched Basch prepare the morning’s meal, Fran rolling
together hers and Basch’s belongings. Beyond her, on the other side of
the hall, Vaan, Penelo, and Ashe were all conversing and packing their own
things. They only noticed I was awake when Fran jumped, noticing I was now
sitting up. It seemed that her hearing would occasionally fail when it came to
me, and she was distracted. Then again, she is used to me making noises in his
sleep. It must just be because I have not spoken yet. Usually if she woke up
before me I would complain about her not waking me. This would be no different.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” I asked, yawning and stretching
my arms, giving her and the ex-knight a dark look. Judging by the accusing look
the princess gave Basch, it was likely his and Fran’s collective idea.
Arms now crossed over my chest, I stifled a second yawn, eyeing her in an
annoyed manner.
“You needed more sleep. Now rest some more. We will be venturing deeper
into the cave, and you will need all the rest you can get. I can see more
nightmares coming, and your sleep will be plagued till we escape here. Because
of this, you rest now, in preparation for later.” Running long fingers
through my tousled hair, she gave me a soft smile. “Rest Balthier,
we’ll wake you when it’s time to eat.” Picking up my toy
from where it had moved to during my sleep, she placed it in my arms, gently
pushing me back onto the makeshift bed.
Nodding reluctantly, I rolled over on my side, watching Basch smile thankfully
to Fran out of the corner of my eye. Sighing, I cuddled up close to the stuffed
doll, pulling the blanket tightly over my shoulder, burrowing deep into the
covers. Thankfully it was warmer then outside my cocoon, so sleep
wouldn’t be a hard goal to reach. Despite the urgings of my motherly
companions though, I didn’t want to sleep. I’d would rather be
helping them cooking and packing up then sleeping till time for food.
While last night’s dream was a content one, who knows what the one to
come would be like. A loud sigh escaped my lips as I held Gabranth tightly in
my arms. Eyes closed, I bit my lip, hoping for the best…
“Captain Azelas, take them to Shiva.” Judge Ghis ordered as he
greedily inspected the nethicite. Being the son of the researcher into
nethicite, I should have known it would be such a thing. How stupid of me. Even
the one I’d sought in the castle was nethicite, the very thing
I’ve been avoiding all these years. It seems when you run from your
past, it will catch up with you quickly. “They should have leave to
return to Rabanastre soon.”
Turning, we all began to speak, until he spoke up again. “Leave that one
with me for a moment,” halting in terror, I felt all eyes on me, though
my back was to the despicable Judge. Straightening my back, I swallowed,
turning to approach the man I loathed of my own will. Everyone but one imperial
left, Vossler I could see, out of the corner of my eye, was at the door. I
wanted to hurt him with all my might, for supplying a power hungry country with
what it seeks. Meeting the Judges gaze, I crossed my arms impatiently, wanting
to know what he wanted me for. I could tell he recognized me, though I
didn’t want to voice it in front of the others. They wouldn’t
know or understand why.
“A want you to assess its power.” Ghis moved over to one of the
lab workers.
“Were our orders not specified that we return the stone for
testing?” The worker sounded suspicious. I was too, hearing this.
“I will not chance returning, with a stone that is yet unproven.”
The judge retaliated, handing him the stone.
Once the worker was gone, he turned back to me, a cruel smile on his face.
“So, Cid’s boy has resurfaced. Last I heard of you, you were off
pirating castles. Saving damsels now?” As he moved closer to me, I
quickly backed away, nearing the window, I climbed up onto the sill, swallowing
as he continued to draw closer. “As fretful about me as ever, I
see.” He licked his lips at that, and I blushed, wishing the others were
still here. At least then I could prove to be stronger than this fear burrowing
in my gut.
A gloved hand reached up to stroke my face as I watched Vossler, out of the
corner of my eye try to intrude. He was quickly shunned away by the one in the
room, and I held back a whimper. My last hope was gone now, and I was left with
this maniac.
Hugging my knees, I tried to make myself as strong as possible as he chuckled.
“Please, let me go back to the others,” begging eyes looked into
his, turning wide with fear as he removed one of his gloves, slapping me with
it. Blood trickled down my cheek as the metal on the glove sliced through my
skin. The now free hand moved down my body, and to my horror, he grasped my
ass, the other hand slithering around to grab the other side, lifting me off
the still. “Put me down!” I cried, writhing in terror. Punching
his shoulders, I whimpered as his lips connected with mine. I could feel his
hard length pressing against my leg, he was growing excited by my fear.
I was bent over a nearby desk, hands feeling me from behind, making me whimper
pathetically. “I could order for all your friends to go…”
He purred in my ear, one hand removing my pants. I sobbed as he continued to
remove my clothing, the bare hands spanking my ass. “Send them away, and
keep you here…Bergan and I have really missed you. You’re
screams, cries, whimpers…” The hands parted my ass cheeks, and a
finger slid in, “I could even ask your father to sell you to me as a
slave. I’m sure Vayne would allow it.”
“No! Please!” I screamed, trying to pull away. He pinned me down
with all his weight. Ordering the lusty eyed soldier over, he told the man to
hold my hands, and that he could to anything he wanted to my mouth.
“He’ll be out of fight soon, rest assured.” The judge
sneered, fingers running through my hair. I sobbed as both removed their pants,
the guards erect cock coming into view.
“Please…no…” I was hopeless now, even as Ghis began
sliding the familiar length into my ass, and I clenched about it in memory. It
was the cock that had raped me so many times as a teen, and now, it plagued me
again, raping me mercilessly. And just like the old times, it was with out any
preparation.
It felt as if Ghis’s length was splitting me in half, the pain was so
tremendous. Clinging to the guard, I was about to scream, but found my mouth
full of his throbbing member, chuckles erupting from both men. Crying, I rocked
between them, the relentless Judge slapping my ass, as if I were a child in
need of punishment. Though this was no punishment worthy of a child, and only
the kind a malicious pervert would deal out.
The guard merely busied himself tugging on my hair. He grunted small orders to
me, treating me as if I were an unwilling virgin, or some flighty whore in need
of guidance. Being neither, I wanted to make him stop it, but the force of both
of them holding me in place prevented that.
The sudden flow of semen into my mouth made me choke as the guard came, leaving
only Ghis, who was still pounding into my broken, unwilling body. The guard
pulled away, sitting down as he tucked his spent member into his trousers.
Patting me on the cheek, he waited, just like I, for the Judge to finish his
torture of my anus.
The grotesque man was panting heavily above me as he began to reach climax. It
was a disgusting symphony for the ears, their pre and post-orgasmic sounds.
Hands over my ears, I grimaced, licking the guard’s semen from my lips
as I waited for the man to finish. It should be soon though, knowing
Ghis’s age, and how he was currently pounding into the unprepared young
man he’d been dreaming about. It was disgusting to know Ghis had been
longing for me all these years…
Once he finally came, back arched, pounding into me one last time, he staggered
back, holding himself steady against one of the walls. Quickly I began pulling
my pants on, covering my eyes as silent sobs broke through me. I’d have
to compose myself before I went back to the others. Act as if I didn’t
just get raped. They wouldn’t care…I was just the silly sky
pirate to them. They’d only assume I was asking for it. Only Fran would
console me…in her cold viera ways.
Before the judge could say anything, or even reach out to grab me, I ran for
the door. Filthy and torn again, I sought out solace in the only place I could,
Fran. She was beyond those doors, and I had to get through, to have her hold
me, and tell me that everything was alright. If I had the strength, or even the
bravery, I’d take the guards sword, and kill both of them as they lay in
post-orgasmic bliss, but deciding against it, I stayed facing the door. Opening
the door to the dock, hands out to be cuffed, I was faced with the sorrow
filled eyes of the Dalmascan Captain.
“I’m sorry…I should have help…but they
wouldn’t let me…I’m sorry.” He said, while trapping
my hands.
“Not a word of this to the others.” I snarled, baring my teeth in
anger. Only Fran, my rapists, and I should know what took place. Having him
being one of the ones that knew kept me on edge, and wary. Would he think I was
someone who was easily taken advantage of? Or would there be an unusual,
awkward amount of sympathy to come from the man? I hoped not, though I also
hoped never to see him again after leaving the dreaded ship, and Ghis.
Shoving my way past him, two large viera ears came into view, and long lithe
arms almost embraced me as they pushed past the soldiers in her way. She was a
comforting sight, and I nearly fell to my knees crying. A cock of her head to
the side, and sad eyes, I could tell she knew what had happed, and it made me
hurt inside more. I had to tell her, just had to…
“Balthier! Wake up!” The familiar voice of the viera sounded
urgent and alarmed. Odd almost as at this time as it rang in my ears. Why would
she be telling me to wake up during such a time…?
“Wake up, Balthier!”
A soft slapping sensation woke me from my slumber, and I blushed, looking up at
my worried companions. Coughing, I rollded over to look at the ground blushing
as they all continued to stare in fear at me. It was more fear with Ashe,
Penelo, and Vaan though, as if I might attack them for listening into my
nightmares. With Basch and Fran…their eyes showed genuine concern for
me. Rubbing the sleepiness from my eyes, I felt an odd wetness on them and
pulled them back, finding them tear soaked, as expected. So it had all been a
dream. Though real as well, being a recollection of the time before Captain
Azelas’s betrayal. It was a rough time for all of us but the orphans at
that point, with Basch and Ashe consoling each other, and Fran consoling me.
The mourning and sadness lasted for days before we could finally move on,
though everyone disguised it as plan making time…
“You were having another nightmare…” Basch murmured,
taking out a cloth and cleaning my tearstained eyes. “Writhing and
crying…we were worried about you.”
Rolling onto my back, and quickly sitting up, I hugged my knees to my chest,
looking warily at the youngest ones in our group. They didn’t move away
though, wanting to know about my nightmare as much as Basch and Fran did.
Swallowing, I finally spoke in a shaky voice, “it was Judge
Ghis…another one about Judge Ghis raping me…though this time was
more recent.” Resting a cheek on one knee, I closed my eyes as
Basch’s fingers began running through my hair in a calming manner.
They all waited for him to continue, I could see Ashe holding her breath. They
all, aside from Fran, wondering at what point recently could I have been raped
by Ghis. One of the viera’s hands was rested on my shoulder, and I took
it, grasping it for some of her strength. I’d need it for this
confession.
“Aboard the Leviathan, after it was confessed that Captain Azelas was
betraying us, and before we were shipped off to Shiva. When he’d asked
for me to stay behind…he raped me then. I was lucky to get out. He
wanted to keep me there as a plaything, like he used to.” Tears ran down
my cheeks as I buried my face in my knees, sobbing silently. The memories
building up hurt, though the incident was past. “I was fortunate that
when we came upon Bergan, he was incapacitated before he could do anything to
me.”
The blinking, confused eyes of the captain looked down in confusion at me,
“but you still stayed behind.”
I nodded, remembering that day;
When I’d checked him, he seemed unconscious; I thought luck was on my
side as I spoke with the others. Make foolish plans to head for Archades, all
thanks to my big mouth, and watch the flirtatious Al-Cid hobble out of the
temple. Everything was fine, though I wanted to go back, Fran close behind me,
to take one last look at the Judge before we had to leave. Let the Kiltias pray
for their fallen, peaceful leader alone, with only the refugee’s to
comfort them. It was a sad thing that had happened here because of this man
today. Thankfully, nothing more would happen with him dead.
Standing up, I made to leave.
“Ffamran…” a small voice called for me as I began to step
away from the nearly lifeless body of the fallen judge. Stopping in my tracks,
I watched the viera ears before me twitch. She’d heard it too. Breathing
deeply, knowing the man could do nothing to me in this state, I looked over my
shoulder at the dying Judge.
“Move on without me,” I called ahead to them, “I catch up
momentarily!” With that, I spun on my heels, approaching the Judge.
Falling to my knees, I looked into the familiar eyes, as a weak hand reached up
to run fingers through my hair. Wincing at the contact, I felt a shudder run
through me as he chuckled low in his through, coughing through it.
The weak hand pulled me down so our noses barely touched it. Fear was building
up in me, as well as nervousness at his intentions. Lips connected with mine,
and I couldn’t resist the whimper that escaped me as the hand wound
around my neck holding me there. One of my hands steadied me, sitting on his
chest, feeling the slow rise and fall of the dying man’s chest. Pulling
back I stared into the cold eyes. “I’ll never forgive you, you
know…” I murmured against his lips as he laughed.
“Matters not, I regret nothing.” The hand in my hair moved to my
buttocks, and I could not help the gasp that escaped me. Quickly stumbling
away, I shuddered as he let out a choked laugh, “you’re still the
frightened rabbit you were as a boy, only more handsome. I just wish I could
have lived a little longer to break that tight hind end of yours again.”
Gasping at those words, I quickly stumbled to my feet, eyes on the verge of
tears. He and Ghis would never change, and they’d die as they lived;
power hungry and filthy perverts. Fran was at the door, she’d seen
everything, and as I ran to her, she gently wrapped an arm about me. I held
back the tears, swallowed, and composed myself before moving on to leave for
the rough journey ahead.
“Balthier!” The soldier chuckled, and I blushed returning from my
reverie.
“I apologize, I was thinking. Back after fighting Bergan, I’d
returned because he’d called me by my true name, and I wanted to see
what he needed from me. It appeared molestation was on his mind, I am fortunate
by then we’d already incapacitated him. Thus, all he could get was a
kiss, and a grope of my hind end. Though I’m sure he got a splendid view
when I left. Both of them proclaimed to have wanted to keep me around though.
Lady Luck is ironically smiling upon me, and yet at the same time, shunning me
away.” I scowled, resting my chin in one hand, pouting.
They all laughed with me, though some of them looked nervous. I didn’t
blame them, such a topic must be quite awkward, especially when they thought I
was such a tough, brave, pirate. Sadly, I had to break their image of me by
falling to tears at my own misfortune. “May we eat now?” I asked
softly, wanting to move on and get out of the terrible place as quickly as
possible. We still had some time to trek through, and I wanted to get through
it quickly. I’d feel better once we were in Old Archades, among the
rejects that the high city threw aside to wallow in their own self pity, and
foolish hopes. Many a time when I’d gone there, they’d said I was
lucky to be born into money. Little did they know how unlucky I was to be raped
at every chance by lusty Judges.
Basch nodded, pulling back and helping me up. I stiffened at the hand around my
waist, but relaxed quickly, blushing as the ex-knight kissed my forehead in
reassurance. He would not harm me; I’d have to realize this sooner or
later. The sooner the better with how our relationship was growing to be more
close and this I feared the most. How would he react to having a broken heart
given to him so willingly? A heart that suffered years of breaking, torment,
wear, and tear, left to bleed and never fixed. Could he fix it for me? Make the
world seem right?
Though, I was tempted to pull away, alienate myself out of fear of rejection
from the captain, but his grip on my waist prevented it. I was dragged to the
pit, the meal out before me, and set down. There, he set a plate in my hand and
began serving the food to me as the others cautiously approached.
“We make leave as soon as he is able.” Basch announced flatly, as
if challenging anyone to question him. Wondering why he said that, I looked
over my shoulder to find the Princesses mouth open, as if about to speak. As I
eyed her, she shut it quickly, storming off. Her heart was in this, but me
being only a sky pirate, and the estranged son of a mad man…she
didn’t care what happened to me; only her Dalmascan people. Which would
be why she’d run to protect Penelo.
Feeling slightly shunned, I hugged my knees again, working slowly eating my
food as Ashe glared at me childishly. “Ignore her. She worries too much
about what we have to do for this quest. Makes me wish she were a child again,
so I could be the one to worry…” Basch sighed, seating himself
next to me. “Her love is in her kingdom and its people, and you being an
Archadian…”
“I was gone long before the invasion, and Nabradia’s
fall.” I looked stiffly from him, to her departing form,
“I’d run away about four years before the war, I’m more
pirate, or inhabitant of Balfonheim then an Archadian.” Fingers went
through my hair, and I tried to shove the insistent man away. He wrapped an arm
about my waist, holding me close as I pouted.
“Aye, but she needs to work on realizing that not every Archadian is
evil, and that not every Rabanastran is kind.” Resting his forehead
against mine, he grinned, making me blush. How was it this man could have such
an effect on me?
Coughing, I pulled away, focusing on the prepared meal before me. Eating
quietly, I listened as the others crowded around, beginning conversation now
that I was not feeling hostile. When it turned to the cave, I looked at them
all. “We need to see that we are prepared. The Archadian’s and
others locked powerful beings in here; the Mangragora’s were merely
little wanderers that hunters would stumble upon. There are other dangerous
beings in here, far worse than even the Imps and Zombies in the opening of the
cave.” They all looked at me, as if curious as to how I knew.
“Ghis had thrown me into a room not far from here. To see if I could
escape, I went the other way…I soon found out a wraith was in there, and
ran from it. Exiting into the other area…I came upon headless beings,
and other such terrors. Running back into it…I was lucky I survived.
Gabranth had found me missing and came to see where I was…He found me on
the floor bleeding. He didn’t kill the wraith, merely picked me up and
ran.”
A sigh escaped the princess, “so we prepare for a possible
wraith?”
“We get as strong as we can, and supply up on restoratives, and strong
weapons…though in our location, ‘tis best to focus on strength,
treasures, and stealing restoratives. Use as little as possible, and our
magic’s as much as we can. It’ll help us for the trek
ahead.” I forked a piece of meat into my mouth, eyeing her out of the
corner of my eye. She was a bit too determined at the moment on destroying
Archades…or at least seeking revenge. I once had been, but the ones I
sought revenge on were dead, and I was still fitful at nights.
“How good are you for the journey?” She asked quickly, making me
want to hurt her. Rush, rush, rush, the princess needed to get laid. And I knew
a Rozzarian prince, and a Rabanastran thief who’d be only too delighted
to see up that skirt of hers. Though I’m sure Vaan only goes unconscious
while she’s in battle formation to get said peek. Basch? Whenever she
bends over he turns redder then a Rogue Tomato. I can even see Penelo blushing
at times. It’s amusing though, Fran is wearing less, and it’s
Ashe everyone’s fussing over the clothes of.
“Good enough, though I’d recommend depending on Fran more than
me. I may freeze in the middle of battle, and I wouldn’t want that to
happen.” A strong need for alcohol was running through me, and I hid my
face in my hands momentarily. Emotionally I was drained, and with Ashe pressing
for our journey to move on, things only grew worse.
“Don’t pressure him Ashe!” I heard Penelo cry from just
across the pit from me, “he’s our only way in, and he might back
out if you hassle him. Just give him a few minutes. This is all probably very
stressful for him. How would you feel in his place?” The dancer’s
hands were on her hips in a chastising manner as she glared at the older woman.
I smiled thankfully at the young orphan as Ashe choked a little, hands over her
mouth in shock. A blush rose into her cheeks, and I rose, handing my cleared
plate to Basch. “I’ll pack my things, than help you with the
rest.” Quietly, I went back to my spot, picking up and dusting off the
blankets.
The next while went by quietly, with everyone pulling back camp and moving on.
Fran insisted on going on before me, and I couldn’t help the blush
coming to my cheeks. I felt weak and helpless as she healed Basch, and Penelo.
Vaan and Ashe were merely silent as they walked along side me, the princess
giving me nervous glances as if I were going to lash out at her for pressuring
me. I wouldn’t though, knowing she had her kingdom in her best
interests. Pirates were just a mere nuisance; one of the common ideas between
Dalmasca and Archades. We were left only to Balfonheim, making things rough as
the port grew over populated by pirates, and would be pirates.
I was contented in my walking though, privately inspecting the tensing in
Basch’s calves as he killed a headless beast. The way Fran shook her
hair. The knights strong arms, thick thighs, sweaty neck, pulsing muscles.
Cocking my head to the side, I was aware Vaan was talking to me, but not what
we was saying.
Shaking my head vigorously, I turned a deep red, looking at the young pirate in
training. “Yes?” my voice was weak, even to my own ears, and I
couldn’t help but sneak another look at the object of my attentions. He
cut down another pest, gesturing for us to keep up, Ashe quickly running ahead.
I followed the orphan keeping pace. Recognizing the area, my breathing halted
momentarily. Opening the doors ahead, fight the monsters, walk
through…fight the wraith. “We draw close!” I called to
them, hugging myself and hoping we were strong enough. Poised at the door to
the creature, I shuddered in fear. They entered before me, Basch, Fran and
Penelo immediately moving in on the ghostly enemy. It hovered above them, and
when it multiplied, I wanted to cry. There was now more than one thing before
us to kill us all, and destroy my only friends.
Thankfully, we defeated it, and I fell to the ground, shuddering in fear. Basch
ran over, taking me into his arms, whispering soothing words in my ear, trying
to stop the flow of tears coming from my eyes. I sobbed into his shoulder,
ignoring the annoyed scoff coming from the princess.
“I wonder how he ever survived Ghis and Bergan coming after him if he
just flinches at being around a wraith.” She sighed, shaking her hair
from her eyes.
Pulling back, I glared at her, “Ghis only held a sword to my neck that
day, I didn’t expect him to recognize me. Bergan was dying by the time
he recognized me. The wraith was a wild being that I thought would kill us
all…like I thought he would kill Gabranth and I those years ago.”
I stared at the floor solemnly now, playing with the soldiers vest.
“Ashe, while he may not have the strength you have…he has a
unique one of his own, relating to his own situation.” Fran’s
calm words made me smile a little as she rested a hand on the princess’s
shoulder, calming her rage. “Yours is the strength of a fallen queen,
and widow. His…is one of a broken man. You face yours with anger, his
with fear. Your strength is moving on in life…his is facing his fears. I
would say he is being pretty strong having made it this far without running in
fear terror, no matter how many times I am sure he has thought of it.”
The lady’s eyes were on the ground now, and I could see she was
contemplating the viera’s words. Slowly, she turned to me, taking a deep
breath, “I’m sorry Balthier. I just wish to be done with this as
soon as possible. I don’t want my people to be stuck in a profitless war
any longer. I want to see them free of empire rule.” Tears fell from her
eyes as she fell to her knees, crawling up next to Basch and embracing me. I
was surprised by this, and giving Fran a thankful look, I used my one available
arm to embrace her.
Suddenly the rest of them, even Fran, ran over to join in on the embrace. I
could feel Vaan behind me, sandwiching me between him and the soldier. Penelo
then came up next to the princess with Fran on my other side. Tears began to
flow freely from my eyes now at this sudden display of love, and caring. We
were a team for once, together without any fighting…or any of
Vaan’s silly remarks. Though I had a feeling it would come up soon.
To my luck, it didn’t, we pulled apart, and moved on. I held
Basch’s hand nervously for a moment, before he broke off, moving on to
watch ahead of us. Swallowing, I stayed behind, hugging my shoulders once more.
This time, Ashe and Vaan walked alongside me proudly, smiling away, and
comforting me when I jumped. It was a welcome change from the glares, and
scared looks. I would have to thank Fran some time.
The lift up to the dreaded Old Archades entrance came into view, and I fell to
my knees, whimpering. Quickly, Basch lifted me, carrying me through. Weakly, I
punched his chest as we moved on, glad there were no more beasts, or rare
powerful beings. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I listened as Ashe unlocked
the door to the entrance, whimpering lightly.
We were in the passage I’d been raped in. Everyone stopped as I wiggled,
Basch setting me down on my feet. Slowly, I moved to the spot where
they’d taken me many times before, a hand on the wall as I inspected it.
In some places I could still see blood, making me want to vomit what food that
was in me out. On the floor, I noticed some shredded clothing, and too my
horror even long deep claw marks where I’d struggled to get away.
Sticking a fist in my mouth to stifle the scream, I fell against one wall,
sliding down it.
They all ran over, each one taking turns to give my living nightmare a
disgusted look. “We rest here, and then move on.” Basch spoke,
silencing Ashe and I’s protests. “Tis in your best interest
Balthier. You need to face your nightmares, and here it is.” Lightly, he
ran a hand through my hair, drawing a small sob from my lips. Quickly, he
pulled me into an embrace, ignoring me as I punched his shoulders.
Oh how I could have killed him at that moment.
Setting up camp, they all ignored Ashe and I as we sulked near the entrance to
the lift. We were equally unhappy with the arrangements. I’d rather stay
in Old Archades, and she’d rather move on to Draklor. As the time moved
on, I rested against the wall.
Dinner went by uneventfully, and I fought slightly as Fran and Basch put me to
rest. With a loud huff, I curled up against the wall, a light whimper escaping
my lips. The soldier embraced me from behind, Gabranth hugged up against my
front. It was a small comfort, in the terror I was sleeping in.
***** I Never Knew Love (Until Him) *****
Chapter Summary
     While the group takes rest in the Sohen Caves, Balthier is plagued by
     another nightmare. After, he visits an old friend while on his own in
     Archades.
“I will not have you spreading anymore lies, Ffamran!” the elder
archadian cried, slamming his fist on his work desk. The dark eyes moved to
glare at me, and I shuddered in fear, my armor making slight chiming sounds as
I slowly backed away. Father never believed me when I told him about the other
Judge Magisters’ treatment of me. I am sixteen, almost a man, and yet he
still treats me like an attention seeking child! Even with the evidence
engraved into my neck, and Gabranth’s own testimony of my treatment! My
time in the healer’s room did not even deter him, after the
wraith’s attack upon the judge magister and I.
My vision was blurred by tears now, as I held my helmet tightly, knuckles going
white with the tightness of my grip. Cid was sighing about something, I did not
know what as my attention was on how much trouble I was in for disturbing him
with ‘silly talk’ as he called it. Shifting my feet, I stared at
the floor, slowly turning to leave quietly, but the entrance of Ghis and Bergan
made me stop in my tracks. I had only noticed their feet at first, with my head
lowered, but recognizing their boots, I quickly looked up, moving out of the
way. Looking as regal as usual, Ghis walked past me, while Bergan sneered at me
from the doorway, blocking any chance of escape.
Father had gone back to sitting, and was sighing now, which worried me. The
subtle pinch of the bridge of his nose, and the tapping of his nails on the
desk was increasing the anxiety within me. What was he up to?
The answer came quickly as he looked at Ghis. “Is the spare quarters
within your suite prepared?” he asked coldly, and my heart sank, fear in
my eyes. Any and all respect for the man dwindled right then. He was no longer
my father, but an insane monster.
“No…” I whispered, backing away. My nightmare was becoming
worse.
Both of them were sneering at me when my back hit the bookshelves.
“Yes,” Bergan nodded at Father. “We can move him in
immediately.”
Eyes wide, I tried to move past Bergan, quickly grabbed, even while kicking and
struggling. My fists were hitting his back feebly, ignoring the laughs that
were coming from Ghis. My father was shaking his head at my actions while I
screamed at Bergan to put me down. “No! Father! Don’t leave me
with them!” Tears were falling from my eyes; my father’s betrayal
was devastating me and I was completely stunned, though it was not enough to
prevent me from continuing to fight off my captors. The situation was so
terrible; it left me wanting to go seek solace in Gabranth’s embrace,
perhaps even Drace’s. She always had a hot cup of cocoa
ready…even if she usually made them for the little prince.
He waved them – the judge magisters, and my cries of mercy – off
with a flick of his hand, and they left with me, still kicking to break free.
“Should be fun, eh Ffamran?” Ghis said, walking alongside Bergan.
One of his gloved hands reached up to grab my chin, looking into my eyes with
the cold ones of his own. “We’ll be able to beak you in our own
bed tonight.” The small laugh from them both made me cry harder as I was
carried to their rooms. My tears were gliding down my cheeks, and onto the
leather gloves of the judge. The sound was like rain, making the gloomy mood
even darker.
It was then I decided it was time to get out of here; I had to think of a plan
of escape. I could no longer trust my own family, and in this position, where
my guardian handed me to the ones that harmed me, not even the people I did
trust could save me now.
Slowly, a hand began to grope my thigh, working its way up to my ass. Choked
sobs came from me, and all I could say was;
“Please…no…”
“Balthier! Wake up! You’re having a nightmare!” The light,
feminine voice rang in my ears, startling me from my sleep. Opening my eyes, I
stared into the brown ones of the princess, and winced, finding a small bruise
on her cheek. I must have hit her in my sleep. Giving her an apologetic look, I
reached out to touch it.
She jumped a little in surprise more than pain. Smiling, she breathed out a
sigh of relief, seeing that I was calm. “The others and I were worried
about you.” Looking away, blushing, she added, “I’d barely
noticed you were having a fit until I felt you hit me. Fran was the first to
notice, and was trying to wake me up so we could wake you.” It was then
I looked over her shoulder to find Basch and Fran kneeling there, both of their
eyes were on me, and now I was blushing in a deeper shade then the princess.
Looking away from all of them, I sat up, pulling my knees close to my chest.
“I apologize…” I did not know what else to say. Tell them
that I had, had a nightmare about my father sending me to my demise? How he
would not believe me in my time of need? How he’d helped the devious
judge magisters’ ruin my life? I kept my eyes focused on the wall of
Sohen Cave entrance, avoiding looking at them.
Gentle hands pried me away from my corner though, lifting me away from the side
of the cave. As I was about to growl in annoyance until I found dark blue eyes
looking into mine with determination, and worry. “’Tis not your
fault, Balthier…” he spoke softly, holding me close to him.
Looking to where I previously was, I noticed the princess had moved away to
allow him to comfort me. A swift overlook of the entrance told me that the
orphans were awake now as well, watching the captain and me with avid interest.
Quickly, I hid my face in his chest, listening to the comforting pulse of his
heart. If I could have crawled under a rock at that moment, I would have, but
the captain’s strong embrace prevented any quick escape. Squirming, I
tried to indicate to the older man that I was feeling quite uncomfortable with
my current situation, and he seemed to catch my drift.
He set me on my feet near his own bedding, looking to the others. “We
can discuss it later, as being here is clearly bothering him. We need to get
moving, so everyone, each, freshen up, pack up, and let’s go.” I
nodded behind him rummaging through the food sack, and pulling out something
for myself to eat for breakfast.
They watched me apprehensively, Fran being the only one brave enough to take
the bag from me. I merely sat there, eating the succulent fruit quietly.
It all went smoothly from there, though the orphans were the quickest ones to
pack and leave. It must have been their questionable excitement to see the
imperial city. I stretched, standing in the bright sunlight of Old Archades,
noticing Vaan and Penelo ahead. Basch and Ashe came up behind Fran and I.
“-but we’re in more like a sewer…” the distinct
sound of the thief’s voice, as he spoke to the young dancer, carried to
my ears, and I had to comment on his words.
“Even empires have need of sewers.” My hands moved to my hips as
I slowly began to walk towards them. “The runoff from Archades proper
pools here; those who lack papers to live in the city itself. The mighty who
have fallen…and the fallen who would be mighty. Their eyes never leave
Archades.” Much like yours…I wanted to add, standing almost next
to the boy who had perched himself up high.
“I guess it must be a lot nicer then this place.”
“Oh, to be sure,” I had to hold in a laugh, “Archades
reeks of a different filth.” Crossing my arms over my chest, I watched
him hop off his perch, everyone surrounding me. I was the only one who knew
Archades well enough, and they relied on me to get them to Draklor, sadly.
“Let’s be off. We can follow our noses to Draklor…”
Uncrossing them, I looked in the direction of proper Archades and began to
walk, listening as everyone kept in step behind me. My determination to get
this over with, and be as far away from the dreadful city only outweighed
Princess Ashe’s determination to reclaim her throne.
I separated myself from the group, talking to some of the people, knowing what
was to come at the end of it. Rushing about, I found every person, listening to
every detail of juicy information I could get. In Old Archades, as well as with
the proper one; information was as good as a pouch of gil. It could also get
you good money.
As I began to cross the bridge that lead to the other side of Old Archades,
Basch held me back. “What are you doing, Balthier?” everyone but
Fran looked confused as to what I was doing.
“Information is like money here. You’ll see once we make it to
the end…” with that, I continued on, not telling him who I was
dreading on seeing at gates of Archades. More people would be on the way to
Archades, and of course…him.
Once we were at the entrance, I watched, only slightly amused as Vaan attempted
to get in. As quick as he went up, they sent him back off, as he did not have
the necessary paperwork. Out of all of us, I was the only one with the papers,
and I did not want them all to know that the son of Cidolfus Bunansa was in
Archades again. It would create an uproar that we did not need. As well,
rumours would reach my father faster than I could keep them in check.
Slowly, I began my pace back to the other end, noticing how the others were
watching me. They followed behind at a leisurely pace, unsure of my actions,
though Fran probably had an idea.
As I passed a corner, a familiar man came out of nowhere. “Having
trouble getting into Archades?” he asked in a low purr, and I could not
help but roll my eyes.
“Oh wonderful. Enter the streetear.” Just the man I was looking
for. “Hello, Jules.”
“Ffam - ” I gave him a quick glare as he began to say my real
name, halting him quickly. “Balthier.” With a sly smile he
corrected himself quickly, smart man. “I can see you’ll need my
help.” The smirk made me want to hit him, but I just stood there.
“What’s going on? Who is he?” Vaan’s voice rang
behind me, and I turned to see the group (sans Fran) watching curiously. The
viera was familiar enough with the streetear.
“He is a dealer in information. You tell him something, and he’ll
give you help, or money.” I jutted a thumb in the man’s
direction. “As I had said earlier, information is as good as money
here.”
“So, thousand five hundred gil for my services.” He stuck out his
hand expectantly.
Groaning inwardly, I looked to the others. “He’s reliable, so
trust me with this.” At that, I pulled the desired amount out of one of
my side pouches, handing it to him.
“As I know you’re the one with enough knowledge to have his ear
to the ground, tell me, what have you heard?”
“Man on the other end of Old Archades has miraculously attained himself
a good amount of money.”
“Perfect…Beasley’s lost a big amount of money he’s
been scrapping together. Go find him, and tell him. He’s likely to be
at…” listening to the instructions, I took off at a jog to find
the depraved man.
Once finding him, it was a matter of telling the fallen man, and watching what
would happen. With that task out of the way, I went back up the upper half, and
had to dive into the safety of the boxes Jules was sitting on with the others
as the Imperials ran past. A couple of commoners were yelling,
“’Ey! ‘Tis a fight! Beasley’s gone wild!”
The information worked.
With a quick smile to the streetear, I went to the gates again, the others
following eagerly. I did not even hear a word about the legality of our
actions. Though I knew Jules was not far behind. It would not be a difficult
task for them to cross. I had nine Pinewood chops, and a Sandalwood for myself.
It was enough to get myself across and them across after some shopping as I
knew that taxi’s required either a million gil, or nine pinewood chops
(or a sandalwood one, but those were rare, I was lucky that I’d saved up
my pinewoods earned as a teen). You could keep them of course; just having them
was a writ of transit in Archades. Sandalwood got you into more places, thus,
when we arrived, I handed the nine to Jules, explaining to him to hand them to
the group, as I had business to attend to.
As we walked along the road, the orphans going ahead to explore the imperial
city, the thief running ahead with Penelo walking calmly behind him. Basch,
Ashe, Fran and I all stayed behind. The city was nothing surprising to us.
Especially to me.
Listening as they chattered, Basch striding up to talk to them, I watched the
Princess. During our journeys, her opinions of him seemed to change. From a
traitor, to a loyal knight once more. I could almost admire her ability to
forgive him, while he was the one accused of killing her father.
He is too much of a tame lion, with a good heart to do such a thing. During
Vossler’s death, it could be seen; his loyalties were in the people, not
the location…
“You seem troubled…” the soft voice murmured next to me.
Looking up at Fran, I crossed my arms, looking forward again. “I need to
check on something…” I whispered back, refusing to look at her.
“…You are going to see him are you not?” the musical tone
of laughter in her voice could be heard. My mouth twitched slightly, refusing
to smile. She knew me too well. As well as she knew the man I sought outs
habits too. “I will watch them then, and take care of your
shopping…as well as that rat, Jules. You just make sure that he is in
face there.”
Nodding, I passed Ashe, walking to the taxi. I could hear them all making
questioning noises, and trying to speak to me, but a hushed sound from Fran
ceased it. My stride turned to a jog as I rounded the corner from their sight.
He always had lunch in the same spot. Many times I had caught Gabranth eating
at the other side of Archades. The excitement boiling in me was making me feel
as if I was about to burst. My heart was racing, and all I could think about
was finding the taxi, and making it into my mentor’s arms.
The Judge Magister had a routine. Wake up, dress, go for breakfast, reports,
check the troops, lunch…about this time was his lunch time. When I was
young I would follow him there, he would get me something, we would talk, and
he would send me on to my father. As I grew older, my time with him grew
longer; he was my shelter from reality…still is. One of the few peoples
I could trust…during the past six years…only two people have been
added to those ranks; Fran, and Basch. Before, it was only Zecht, Gabranth,
Drace…and Zargabaath. Years and only six people in the world I can trust
with my life. Not so comforting when you think of it.
Holding the Sandalwood chop out, I entered the taxi without a word, ignoring
the rude sound the driver made. Sitting, I stared out at the imperial city. The
quiet ride left me to think, and my main thoughts were…should I be doing
this? Should I be abandoning the party to seek a judge out? He could get the
information from me and stop what we are doing! Though, I am a strong man in
interrogations; against Gabranth I am weak.
The stop jolted me from my thoughts, scowling as the driver yelled; “end
of the line mister!” Hopping to my feet, I stepped out, Tsenoble
– the grand upper level of Archades – before my eyes.
Strutting away, I followed my nose and my heart to the cafes…and there
he was, out of his judge’s armor. He was merely in a black sleeveless
turtle neck, leather pants, and steel toe boots with his favourite meal before
him. I could turn back now, knowing he would be gone by the time the others
came back. I could run discreetly for the higher parts of Tsenoble, wait away
for him to leave, and return. But how lonely he looked made my feet move
towards him.
He did not even look up as I approached his table, eyes focused on the paper he
was reading. I considered leaving, until;
“And your purpose in standing there and watching me is? Kindly tell me
who you are, and what you want.” Swallowing, I lowered myself so I was
sitting on my heels, looking up at him now.
“Merely to visit an old friend…” my words were soft,
quiet. If it was not for how he turned, wide eyed to stare at me, I could have
sworn he did not hear me.
His mouth opened a few times, nothing coming out. We stared in silence, the
wide, blue eyes like those of Captain Basch’s observed me, until he
finally spoke. “F-Ffamran?!” it was an uncharacteristic squeak,
and I could not help but smile, nodding.
“Yes…it me Gabranth. I was in town, and could not help but visit
you…” smiling weakly, I leaned against the thigh closest to me.
Closing my eyes, I tried not to cry, feeling the rapid heartbeat beneath me. He
was as stunned by this as I was. “I know this is sudden…I just
had to see you…”
Ungloved fingers moved to run through my hair, comforting me. “Things
must be easier for you at least…Bergan and Ghis are dead…”
he laughed softly, and I blushed, looking away. “Sadly, Zecht ran away,
and Drace is dead too…”
Eyes wide, my head flew up to stare at him. “I – I knew about
Ghis and Bergan…but Drace is gone too?!” I choked out, voice
going hoarse.
“How did you - ?” obviously he refused to answer about Drace
until I replied.
“I was in on their deaths…I was with the Princess at the time of
Ghis’s foolish death, and Bergan’s murder…”
Coughing into my hand, I looked away, only turning back to him when his hand
took my chin, turning me to him.
The blue eyes were cold, but quickly softened. “Then I assume you know
where Basch Fon Ronsenburg is.” It was not a question, but a statement.
“You’d be correct. But I will not tell you. He looks surprisingly
like you, you know.” I smirked a little, watching him for a response.
A little smile came to the man’s face, as he closed his eyes, nodding.
“He mentioned having a twin did he?”
I stood, moving to the seat across from him, to tell him of how I knew. Leaning
in close, I spoke in a hushed voice; “A brother of one of the soldiers
you killed attacked Basch when we were escaping the Nalbina Dungeon’s.
When his cage landed, he helped us in our journey out. Though, along the way,
with some persuasion, he explained to us the reason for his determination in
his belief of his innocence. I only believed him, knowing who you are, and what
Vayne is like.”
Sighing, he rubbed his face, watching me with tired eyes. “He is right.
I am his younger twin. Though neither of us has acknowledged the other in
years…that’s not counting the time he spent in Nalbina.
So…we’ve never reached out to each other in a loving, or
brotherly way since we separated…after the fall of Landis, and he chose
to aide Dalmasca. It seems that both of us have kept the others existence a
secret to our comrades though.”
“Understandable,” I nodded. “Who would want to tell their
country, especially if they are of high standing, that they have a brother, ney
a twin, in the enemy country? It would make it difficult…though motive
to attack if you hate them…and perfect if they still harbor feelings of
affection.” I gave him a pointed look, but he looked away, refusing to
answer.
“He still cares, does he?” finally speaking, he covered his
mouth, not looking at me, but at the table.
“He hasn’t said anything…but I can tell. He’s a
loyal man, with not much else left.” Sitting back, I sighed, knowing the
party, mainly the princess, were the last things he had in life. Without
Gabranth, it would be difficult for him to regain Dalmasca’s trust.
Though, Ashe’s trust would be a great assistance.
“…So you came to scold me, tell me that you’ve killed your
nightmares, and all around terrorize me? Ffamran, you have not changed
much.” He chuckled, pulling back to smile at me.
Scowling a little, I blushed. “Would you stop calling me Ffamran?
It’s Balthier now. I got rid of that name when I left…and
it’s not my fault that Ghis has never been the smartest of men, or that
Bergan decided to kill us after his brutal murder of the Gran Kiltias.”
The smile softened his laughter ceasing as he reached out to stroke one of my
cheeks. “You have never taken teasing well, have you? I could have
murdered them myself for leaving you in such a state. They could never make a
good joke that didn’t end in tears for you…I remember how Zecht
and Drace would always tread lightly about you to make sure you never began
bawling your eyes out…and until your Archadian birth certificate says
that your name is Balthier, I will forever call you Ffamran. You were born with
that name, and will live with it until I die.” Gently taking one of my
earrings into his grip, he inspected it quietly, leaving me to mull over what
he had said.
“It seems that you are not the only one with a ‘to the death
bed’ promise with me. Though Ghis was the…’luckier’
of the two.” When he gave me a confused look, I continued, “They
both seemed intent on keeping me as a sex slave. Though, died before they could
throw be over their shoulder like the barbarians they are, and drag me back to
Archades. And that’s not including how determined they are to rape me at
every chance they got. Bergan, however, only got a few minutes, a kiss, and a
grope out of me before his death. My inner kindness won out, when he was dying,
and he took his chance, and told me of his intentions. Ghis, though, took me to
a place in private, sent the others off and…” I shuddered at the
memory, rubbing my arms as a feeling of dirtiness washed over. “I seem
to attract the worst sort of people…if I knew what it was that attracted
those sorts, maybe then I could find a way to stop it.”
Unwrapping myself, I ran a hand through my hair, blushing as I noticed how he
was staring at me, quietly, with a dark look in his eyes. “Sorry to
unload all this on you so suddenly…I should probably go.” Making
a move to stand, I was startled as he grabbed one of my hands, still thinking,
but refusing to let me go. Taking his hand, I placed mine over his, smiling a
little. “Finish your lunch. I’m sure you’ll want to be out
of the area when your brother comes. He is on his way, as I promised the group
I would meet them at the Taxi stop.”
That caught his attention, as his head darted up, eyes fixed on mine.
“Basch is in Archades?!” it was a hushed hiss, blue eyes
narrowed. I nodded, and he released me, pulling his lunch together.
“We are on our way to Draklor. He has no intentions of disturbing you,
but I don’t want any fights right now…especially when we would
lose out. A small party in Archades stands no chance.” Standing there, I
waited for him to finish, before straightening himself to stare into my eyes.
“Your reasoning is understandable, Ffamran, though you should have
warned me sooner. I have no intentions of crossing his path at this time, like
you have to intentions of us seeing each other right now. We must see each
other again soon. Just don’t get into trouble, okay?” he pulled
me in for a heartwarming embrace, which left me breathless. Moving away
quickly, he held his paper in his mouth for a moment, which drew a giggle like
sound from me.
Rolling his eyes, he pulled it out, and stuffed it under his arm. “I
must go. They will be startled to have me back so early, but I can handle it.
Just make sure they don’t get caught here. Many people here are smarter
than you think.” With that said, he ran for the elevator which would
escort him up to another Taxi service.
Smiling, I sat once more, considering getting myself something to eat as I wait
for the others to arrive. I could not tell anyone what just happened, though I
could be told to Fran some time…
The passing Taxi’s distracted me enough, yawning as I waited patiently.
Knowing Jules, he probably worked all their gil out of them. They have probably
gone on a wild goose chase as well. Hopefully, they had enough time to do some
shopping, and sell the loot collected in the Cave. I would have to have a long
discussion with the streetear about priorities, and screwing around with good
friends, and their companions. I have known him since I was young, back in the
days when I was living in the imperial city. He has, and probably will always
be this way. A bit of a pity, though understandable for a man of his situation.
My attention was caught, as I was brought from my thoughts as a new Taxi
arrived, the young thief stumbling out. Standing, I began to stroll over,
watching the rest of the troupe step out, Jules not far behind. Fran’s
sharp eyes watched for me, ears twitching.
When she finally caught sight of me, she guided them in my direction as I
stepped towards them, chuckling at how tired the orphans looked. I was right;
Jules sent them on a wild goose chase. Probably out collecting chops for him, I
bet. Shaking my head, I approached, ready to get a story I was expecting out of
the group;
“What took you so long?"
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