Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/9002860. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Underage Category: M/M, Other Fandom: モブサイコ100_|_Mob_Psycho_100 Relationship: Kageyama_Ritsu/Reigen_Arataka Character: Reigen_Arataka, Kageyama_Ritsu, Kageyama_"Mob"_Shigeo Additional Tags: Underage_Sex, Jealousy, Envy_Sex, Diary_like_writing, Ritsu_wants_to become_a_grown_up_like_his_brother, Edgeplay, Orgasm_Delay/Denial, sex with_no_love, Ritsu's_POV, problematic, Pedophilia Stats: Published: 2016-12-24 Words: 4355 ****** I hate myself, So I'll become more like you too. ****** by miruko0009_(orphan_account) Summary I feel bad, but my fingers couldn’t stop. Should I look? No that’s bad. But I already took the phone. You could pretend that you didn’t and return it. Oops, the phone opened itself. Big brother will find out what you’re doing. Oops, it seems like it opened exactly what I wanted to see. Haha, I guess it’s too late to go back then!   … … … I found out that my brother is very grown up. I want to become grown up too. Notes This is my first fan fiction. English is not my first language, sorry for the mistakes. If you could give me critiques or comments I would appreciate very much Thank you. "Big brother..."   No matter which way I turn, He seems to unconsciously know exactly the right way to hide his cell phone screen   "...Yes, Ritsu?"   Maybe this is apart of his powers too? Or maybe I am just being too open about my curiosity. "Are you on call or something, You've been looking at your phone an awful lot lately." It was only a couple of seconds, but the quiet sound of his shoes made it seem like an eternity. One, two, three, four, five steps. I try to hurry up and sync my walking with my brother's. Usually he'd be walking at a steady rhythm with a set location in mind, but it's obvious by his stare that he's less composed than usual.   "Big brother, Nothing terrible has happened has i-"   Dii-      Dii-           Dii-            ding~        Dii-                                  ding~   A childish theme had blasted from my brother's phone.   My eyes had unconsciously squinted in annoyance, it wasn't until my brother's worried voice had broken through the melodic air that I realized my perturbed expression. "Ritsu, I'm alright." My brother consoled me not through expressions but through his beautifully calming voice. "No, Please don't worry so much." My face must've given away how I was feeling, and his words had sliced the questions that had lingered on my tongue. "Even if you say that, I can't help but..."   I never noticed before how my brother's texting had gotten faster.   He seems still partially piqued by what I had to say, But I can't help but feel put in second place.   It really must be important then. "Ritsu..?" His blank face had ever so slightly chipped into a concerned expression, one I had to look away from.   "It's honestly nothing-" I can’t accept that answer.   "Can you promise to tell me later?" I spit out the words my selfish curious self wanted to spew. Can't you tell that I'm worried? Don't you know that I can shoulder whatever it is that might be bothering you? It might not be a problem, No, It probably isn't a problem. But you can tell me anything too, Hey, isn't too much happening around you lately Big brother? Let your little brother know too. ....   ....   ....     One step, two, three, four, five…   Ah, It was too much to ask for right? Or maybe you could tell that what I was thinking earlier, was really a lie. I'm not worried, I'm just curious. I don't want to just shoulder your problems, Big brother, I want them to be my problems. There's too much happening to you lately, Can't you share some of that with me? I love you very much. So much that... ....   But that's too much to ask for, and I can tell it puts you in a tough spot when your caring little brother always asks you to share your problems. I force myself to smile, I can't really think of anything to say to counter my request so I can put my brother back at ease   So I decide to leave first, before he can say anymore. "Maybe." The word was almost so trivial I had to make sure I wasn't hearing things.   It was idiotic, But my smile never faded. Because such a small word, with no definite answer, still brought a brimming feeling of happiness inside my chest. My brother never came home that night.   We broke off at a sidewalk intersection halfway towards our house. "I've got work, Ritsu." "Ah, okay. See you at home."   The words swirled in my mind as I got up every other hour since 8PM to check if my brother had entered his room.   His simple room was darkly light, clean, His futon wasn't even set out I walked over to his closet to make his bed. 10PM   I set his dinner inside the fridge at mom's request, since she was too tired to do so. Midnight. I had turned off the radio and was leaning silently in my chair, The homework was easy enough, just way too much. 1:30AM My brother's futon obviously had no temperature one way or the other. But It was comforting in a bizarre way.   There was barely a scent of my older brother that could ever hint this was his futon. I was agitated he wasn't home, But I was also content that I was doing something I haven't been able to do since we were younger.   Sleep in my brother's bed.   ===============================================================================   "Ritsu, you're burning up." My eyes had to adjust to the light surrounding my brother's figure. "Huh?" You're finally home. "Were you up all night for me? Our client incidentally had another friend to claim their building was haunted between 3AM to 5AM, It was nothing major-" My brother had quickly started to change for school, briefing up his work on queue. It wasn't something he had usually done before, but when I requested it, He had done it immediately the next day.   I laid in his bed as my eyes started to slowly wander, eyeing a his pile of clothes on the ground.   "I can do my own laundry, Ritsu. I think you should stay in bed today." My heart throbbed with joy, Big brother is always so caring of me.   "Mm.. Okay."   The joy was heavenly, but it wasn't long before a small anxiety had lingered into my body.   "I need to brush my teeth, I'll tell mom you're not feeling well so just sleep, Okay, Ritsu?"   "Mhm."   One small nod and I had obediently closed my eyes.   ... ... ...     Shuffle                               Clank             Click     ... ... ...   One step, two, three, four, five… I opened my eyes tentatively.   "....Big brother?"   My voice had become a murmur, nothing louder than my regular breathing. I quietly listened until I had a distant noise of water running.   my fingers dug into his clothes pile, quietly, steadily, and calmly before my fingers had touched a sleek rectangular surface. … =============================================================================== …   Brother went to school today without his very precious phone. What if an emergency happened? What if he made some new friends? What if mom needed something today from the store? Those thoughts ran through my head, I shamed my guilty actions. I feel bad, but my fingers couldn’t stop. Should I look? No that’s bad. But I already took the phone. You could pretend that you didn’t and return it. Oops, the phone opened itself. Big brother will find out what you’re doing. Oops, it seems like it opened exactly what I wanted to see. Haha, I guess it’s too late to go back then! … … … I found out that my brother is very grown up. I had checked his inboxed text messages between everyone I knew in his phone. I was avoiding it. I checked his calls I was avoiding the person I did not know in his phone. I even checked his wallpapers. 390 text messages sent to someone I did not know, and I stumbled upon pictures my brother had taken for this ‘Someone’. The lighting it was taken in looks very dark, it looks humid, and unfocused. In a sense, it felt very real though almost taboo. My brother’s faces were mixed with pleasure, frustration, and concentration. Some with clothes, some with different outfits, some with no clothes at all. He looked tired. He looked energetic. He looked like someone I had never seen. He was actually expressing himself and no words were even needed for me to understand what he is feeling or thinking. This is an ‘adult’ activity. It’s disgusting. Actually It’s really hard to keep myself from continuously gagging. Overall I feel like a big joke has been pulled onto me, and that I must take responsible action to stop this nonsense. To cut this terrible farce from it’s root. To make sure this never happens again. It feels like two worlds I never thought would meet have met, and it’s a kind of torture from another world that my brain is still trying to process and put under either ‘Horrible, stop now!’ or ‘Take in as much as you can and think later.’ It’s numb but mind boggling at the same time. But a very small part of me was also, very curious. And not in just the ‘watching a car accident’ kind of curiosity. But almost like, an unconscious part of me is finally getting the relief it has been wanting. But I can’t make out exactly what part of what I’m looking at is relieving exactly what. My brother is very grown up. Hands all over here, Hands all over down there. He looks different. He looks real. I don’t understand what I mean by that. I don’t understand what I’m looking at. I don’t understand. ...I wish I could understand, what he’s thinking. He’s drooling here. He’s pushed down here. He’s disgustingly sweaty here. He’s tired here. He’s angry here. He’s smiling here. He’s bent so far. He’s relaxed but stretched. He looks content. He looks content. I’ve never seen him look so content. Hey… Let me feel that way too, big brother. I don’t understand, so let me in too. I don’t understand and it’s scaring me. It’s disgusting that you’re doing this and I just don’t fucking understand. And with all the people, it was with this man too. Big brother, is he your special someone? Someone that I do not know. Someone that no one knows. Like how you know him? I guess that means, he knows a side of you too that no one else knows. You’re terrible. I’m always saying you can rely on me too aren’t I? Maybe you already know that deep down I don’t actually care. But even so. Even though that could be true. You’re horrible. Quit hogging this all to yourself, I want to grow up. I’ll become grown up. And after that I’ll stop you from seeing this man. A couple days have past since then, my brother has caught my bed bug and I’ve just finished gathering his overdue schoolwork for him. At first it was hard to look at him after everything that happened, my thoughts were still so jumbled, but after a few days I had settled on “I hate it, it’s disgusting.” as my ultimate thought on what I had seen. I convinced myself that if it will keep continuing i’ll tell mom and dad and they can stop this. I’d think about it for the next couple of days after that whenever doing random activities, but only for a split second. Then I’d feel ill and think ‘Ugh, gross. I hate this.’ I know I genuinely felt that way because the guilt and shame overwhelmed me. Then one night It came back into my mind. “Stop” I thought to myself. But then I kept on thinking, i thought about what he must feel like, if it was different than masturbating and if it took a while to get used to ‘that’ kind of stuff. I thought about how it was so strange, so unlikely of my brother to… engage in sexual activities with someone. It was so bizarre that he’d like it, the probability that maybe he had hit a hormone phase and was just using someone became probable. That he became as horny as a dog. That someone had given him a aphrodisiac said to be a ‘vitamin’ and he spread his legs. That someone had drugged him and fucked him as his mind wasn’t even there anymore. It was so weird, so unlikely, it was almost like my brother had become a stranger in my mind. it was euphoric. It seemed illegal, It seemed terrible. The worse I thought about it the more I think I liked it. It didn’t seem like it was my brother anymore. But then I’d remember the picture, his face, the face I see every morning contorting into pleasure. It was enough to make me shiver and start to sweat. I imagined him being fucked. I imagined his first time. I imagined what I’d do in his place. I imagined being pushed into the bed and taken against my will I imagined loving it and coming back for more and more. I hated myself. I loved this so much. Big brother, you look so good.. I wanna feel good too. I thought about if my brother had saw me getting fucked just like how I saw him, and how he’d feel. I gave a heated and sharp gasp, cumming in my hand. I hate myself very much at this moment. I don’t think I understand the part of me that is relieved to think about this stuff either. So I wiped my mind, deciding it was no use to try and analyse it. I’m terrible and I like thinking about very bad things. If my brother is involved, If I could become him. If I could just feel what he felt. Then I can finally like myself. The next morning I arrived at the place my brother works at. I don’t know the man- wait, no- I do. But not as in depth as my brother does of course. I wouldn’t even call him an acquaintance. He seemed rude and bossy, and a pretty sketchy guy. But even I knew that my brother wouldn’t have stuck around for so long if he was really that way. Actually he’s still really sketchy if he’s having a sexual relationship with my brother. … Ugh, this really sucks actually. My heart is beating so fast, this man...f…ucks my brother. His p-penis on my brother’s phone looked really big. I haven't done anything to prepare myself… I’m scared. My hand is clutching my uniformed shirt so hard that the knuckles have turned a disgustingly pale shade of pink. I could feel my palms perspire and my breathing steadily getting heavier I don’t even know what I’m doing here thinking about those things. It won’t be that easy. Why am I here. What if this messes up. Just forget it and play it off. My bag that held my brother’s belongings and homework seemed heavier by the second, I’m not JUST here to try and pursue this man.. I’m here to get my brother’s english textbook. Even during work hours I suppose he was actually studying and doing normal things too….instead of.. Uhm.. having sex and catching ghosts.. Or something. I clicked my tongue, Don’t think about that kinda stuff. Just get the textbook. Clenching my eyes, I brought my fist to the door- “Oh, Mob’s little brother.” Oh. “Uhm.. I think my big brother… Left something here.” His deep voice reverberated my thoughts, commanding me to be polite and to actually look at his face. “Huh?  Do you know what it is?” I finally brought my gaze to meet the elder man’s, my throat clenched tightly as I swallowed, the images were floating back to my mind. The man was tall, like a grown up. His voice was deep like a grown up. He smelt like a grown up. My face heated up, A shiver went up my spin. He’s staring so much, he analyses my brother’s body with these very eyes. These are the same eyes that has seen my brother’s various forbidden faces. He had seen my brother in a state that no one else had. His gaze burned into me His gaze… I could feel it penetrating my body And when the opportunity arose, I went inside the office. … =============================================================================== … One...two...three...four...five… “Ah…” My voice strangled out, drool already escaped and dribbled to my chin. It didn’t take as much effort as I thought it would’ve. Actually it was very easy. Who knew? His rough hand rubbed harshly against my inexperienced body.   My breath was shallow.   Whenever I shivered he would rub my chest, my thighs, my tummy, my small neck, and very veerrryy lastly my penis. His other hand was already trying to work it’s way to making me comfortable, I could feel the foreign small appendage wiggling and sliding ever so slowly against my insides. I know my body’s used to it, but the me mentally knew that this was too uncanny to be happening. Despite my uneasiness the meows that were tangled in my throat had somehow spilt out. ‘Reigen’ was the man’s name. I had forgotten such a boring name. He insists I call him that, but I really don’t care. If it wasn’t for all the advertisements in his own office, I probably would’ve forgotten as soon as that conversation was over. But now this man. Reigen. Who’s repulsive adult hands are touching me. Who seems no more smarter than a brick. Who’s morals are obviously twisted and sick. Who’s name I had forgotten many times. I want to call out to him. Though I can remember how it’s spelt, I really can’t recall how it’s pronounced. I can feel his fingers getting added slowly, my butt feels full. My legs are shaking from the heavy intense pressure that they aren’t used to. Reigen’s stubble is very itchy. It actually kinda left a burning sensation at first when he kissed my thighs. Now more than ever I yearn for any kind of physical contact. I wanna cum actually. But I think I’d be too sensitive to continue on if I did right now. I want him to touch my penis, But I think he knows too that I’ll cum. I want so many things, but more than anything I want release. I’m hesitant though. I really wish I could hold it in instead of wanting to cum. I hate being immature. I think Reigen is hesitant too, He’s trying so hard to make me comfortable. If I did cum, he’s probably thinking that all his efforts will go to waste and I’ll want to stop once I’m satisfied. I don’t think I’d stop because I’d be satisfied but i’d stop because once I do cum, I’ll come to the realisation that this is wrong and I’ll want nothing to do with the man in front of me. I don’t want that. I wanna be grown up. I want to feel everything he has to offer. Everything he’s done to my brother and more. “--O… wait…” Reigen’s flushed and concentrated face looked up at me startled. “Huh, are you okay?” My hips bucked against his knuckles, He’s so deep inside me, I never thought I could fit 3 fingers so deeply inside. I can feel myself twitch and tighten around his digits. It seems every little movement I do makes the bulge in Reigen’s pants grow. “Stop- I’m gonna cum..!“ He looks really confused. My minds too hazy to deal with his idiocy. Can’t he get the picture? “I don’t wa…” A large shiver went up my spin as Reigen swiftly plopped his fingers out of my asshole. My dick twitched as I struggled to calm my body down from the sudden jolt of pleasure. Ah… Ah… Ah… I’m so aware of my breathing, but everything outside of that is mushing together like globs of paint. God… Being filled up is so good… Why ...Did he pull out? Soon I could feel Reigens cock against my ass and his hands near my balls. Tight. Actually it kinda hurts, What’s he doing? “I’m tying this rubber band around your ballsack. Should make it a little harder for you to cum, alright?” Ah, did I say it outloud? Reigen laughed, His deep voice echoed throughout my empty head. My eyes couldn’t see anything but the man in front of me, who looked so different than I remembered. I don’t understand what’s so hot about laughter, But my cock got harder anyways. Reigen soon lifted me onto the couch and pushed my legs near my face, everything was spread for his eyes too see. Just like in my brother’s pictures, the face Reigen was making was exactly the same. His eyes were searching all over me, taking me in. He was sweating, he was concentrated, and his cock was hot as it kept protruding ever so slightly against my entrance. “Hold your legs up just like that, but don’t hide your face.” He instructed, with a slight flick at my tied balls. I whimpered and as the seconds went by I could feel myself being filled to the brim. Everything is piling up, I never knew I could be in so much arousal. It’s actually really suffering. “No- No.. not yet! Aaaaah…” It’s too weird, to suddenly pull your cock out when you just put it in… You’re gonna mess me up if you do that too fast! But he didn’t listen. Actually, Reigen is kinda scary right now.. He isn’t even really looking at me like he was before. He’s stupid and brash of course, but he was nice and listened. He isn’t listening anymore. Ah         Ah                   Ah I repeated that sound a lot. Reigen really likes it. Faster and longer and deeper, He plunged into me. It was hot, and sweaty, and aching. Actually, this is really rough and I never got time to take a break. I can feel liquid going down my asscrack piling into a big, sticky, soupy, mess below. I think reigen came inside me earlier on, But kept going. It kinda hurts a lot. But I really wanna cum still. I really do. But Reigen looks really mad anytime I reach down to try and pull off the rubber band. My balls feel like their gonna burst, and every thrust he does inside my makes my penis swing and twitch. It makes me feel like I’m about to cum but I don’t have the right friction to do it. I’ve already scratched at him, I’ve already screamed, I’ve already insulted him, but the only time he looks angry is if I actually try to reach down and cum. I can feel him getting bigger again. My ass is so slippery it doesn’t even feel like I was a virgin just an hour ago. Ah       Ah               Ah The tears won’t stop coming.   Ha ha haa... I’m past the point of even understanding a lot that is happening. Aaahhh…. Really, I only care to concentrate on my lower half. I don’t remember when but I started giggling occasionally too. My giggles mixed in with my yells, my whimpering, my moans. Cum, please… let me cum… I begged him. Reigen looks very happy. Ah, why didn’t I just ask nicely? Please let me cum. I asked, but I don’t think it came out right. “Hey… Hah, ah, aaa” Reigen’s smile looks so sweet, It hurts being pounded so roughly into, but it also makes me so happy that he likes how I feel. He likes me so much that he’s constantly biting onto my skin, sucking on my chest, and even likes it when I spit on his penis! Even though that last one seems more like a double edged sword, since he just rubs my spit all on his dick and sticks it back inside me. He commented before that my chest is different than my brother’s. My brother’s nipples are puffy and a pretty shade of pink. I never noticed. Mine are puffy, but my nipples don’t stick out, they always kinda look like they’re hiding. Reigen sucked and bit and pulled on them, it hurt. But suddenly, my nipples were out and hard. They were so sensitive I felt like I was gonna die.   Ha ha ha. I was also embarrassed. I didn’t know my nipples were different than my brothers. Reigen said he liked them still. It didn’t make me happy that a useless man like him said he liked my chest. It kinda grossed me out. But I was happy that my nipples could still turn into normal nipples when they got hard. I was happy when reigen kissed me and told me that he wanted me. I was happy when he teased my body, and made me get used to him. I’m happy right now, as he’s finally untying my balls and allowing me to cum. I can feel all the heat drain to my crotch, it felt as full as it ever did before, and one tug from Regien was enough for me to ejaculate. “Mr. Arataka- Ah, ah, hahaha, a, a,” My body spasmed and I could feel myself tighten around Reigen’s cock. I’m cumming, and I still don’t feel normal. He’s hitting inside me so deeply, I can’t think. It’s hard to think. Reigen’s saying something but I don’t know what it is. “Hahaa…” Oh, I’m laughing.   It was over before I even became my old self again. Nothing really happened afterwards, I think Reigen tried speaking to me, but as soon as I picked up my brother’s English textbook I ran out of the door. I heard yelling but I didn’t think to stop to listen. When I got home and I threw my brother’s belongings at him and hurried to shower. I stink. I stink really bad. It didn’t help that I masturbated in the shower either. It didn’t help that I cried and was too lazy to wash properly. It didn’t help that when I did finally get to washing properly, my fingers stayed in my ass too long and I got hard all over again. I really don’t like that man. But the experience was something I was happy I got over with. At least I thought I would be. I’m not that happy. I wasn’t happy at dinner, I wasn’t happy that my brother felt better, I wasn’t happy that I got the last pudding cup either. My hand is smelly, but cumming into it is making me so happy right now. Hahaha… Being dirty is making me happy. But I am missing something. It’s not as intense as it was before. I don’t want that man. I really don’t. Actually I was really close to telling Mom and Dad about him and my brother’s relationship. What stopped me, I didn’t know. I know now. I know. That’s why the very next morning, I arrived at his office again. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!