Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/9247775.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki
  Additional Tags:
      Underage_-_Freeform, Drug_Use, Dubious_Consent, Homophobia, Abuse, toxic
      realtionships, Past_Rape/Non-con, Age_Difference, Dark!Jensen,
      Manipulation
  Stats:
      Published: 2017-01-08 Updated: 2017-02-21 Chapters: 10/? Words: 19110
****** I fall in love too easily (I fall in love too fast) ******
by jaredpadacock
Summary
     It's 1963. The Beatles were making it big in the US and the King
     ruled the stage. But there was only one singer that owned Jared's
     heart, Jensen Ackles. Jared is truly in love with the man on the
     screen and the perfect fantasy Jared made in his head. When meeting
     Jensen at a show and soon goes on the road with him, Jared’s
     fantasies crack when he realizes Jensen is nothing like what he
     thought. Instead of the perfect dreamboat he sees on TV, Jensen is a
     deeply troubled man living in a secret dark entertainment business.
     (On Hiatus)
Notes
     Special thanks to goandgetthegun for inspiration and help
     Please enjoy! This story is far from over. I have like 12k of this
     stuff so I might as well post it
***** Chapter 1 *****
Jared was thirteen when he first saw Jensen Ackles.
It was at a sleepover with his friends. They were all wrapped up in blankets,
huddled around the black and white TV, watching the Ed Sullivan Show.
Adrianne’s parents went to sleep long ago and they secretly stayed awake to
watch TV. Adrianne and the other four girls were insistent on watching this
variety show. Acts and musicians played and sang but it wasn't till near the
end of the program when Jared realized what they were waiting for.
And oh- It was well worth the wait.
“There! There he is! Ohhh isn't he just handsome!”
“Shhh! Shut Up so I can hear him sing!”
 Jared’s mouth went dry as the most beautiful thing he's ever seen strolled
onto stage with his guitar. His hair was slicked back, he had on such a nice
pressed suit and black shiny shoes. Jared didn't understand the heat brewing
between his legs. But the way the man touched the microphone so gently, how he
looked at the camera like he was making love to his audience. Jared was
entranced. What came out of those big lips made Jared squirm in his seat and
tingles flooded his small body.
That's the night Jared fell in love with Jensen Ackles.
 
_____
Infatuation spread quickly. Like wildfire, like a damn disease. Some times it
felt like that. A burning hurt feeling that felt so good. Started in his toes,
made his knees wobbly, sat hot in his belly, made his chest swell and heart
pound with need. Need thirteen year old Jared didn't understand.
It wasn't until he saw Jensen Ackles that night when he realized he was
different. When the first time Jared woke up in a hot sweat and his boy dick
red and swollen between his legs, it wasn't about a girl in his class,it wasn't
about his pretty teacher, it was about Jensen Ackles.
It was a simple dream. Jared was in the front row, Jensen was singing, singing
to him and just him in a giant crowd. Staring at him with soft dreamy eyes. He
was swaying his hips that somehow made his heart stutter and belly burn hot
like his mother's iron.
Jared would watch Jensen sing on TV with his parents, cross-legged right in
front of the screen. His eyes big like dinner plates as he watches the man play
his guitar and sing sweet words. It always ended when Jared has to excuse
himself to his bedroom for a quick jerk.
The kid got his hands on anything with his name and face on it. Posters,
records, articles and magazines. His parents thought of it as cute, as having
his first idol. But it was far more than that. Jared’s mom would never
understand his love for the singer.
He got his first record player for Christmas, just so he could listen to
Jensen's amazing voice any time. It was three months later in the dark of night
when he would turn it on low and touch himself to Jensen's voice. There was one
song in particular. Jensen sung low and gravelly, singing about love and about
a pretty girl. Jared would  dream about Jensen Ackles singing in his ear,
calling him ‘baby’ and that the song was about him. Just for him. Only him.
 He’d splatter his belly white before the three minute song was over.
By the time Jared was fifteen, Jared's walls were covered in Jensen's amazing
smile. He owned every record, every album and cherished the magazines with
articles about him. The little interviews, little details about his personal
life, what amazing girl influenced him to write music. Jared would pretend it
was himself.
Jensen Ackles was the most beautiful being on earth.
_____
“You HAVE to come, Jared! I got these tickets from Charlie but she's grounded
for seeing Tommy. And he's in town! We can take a bus together”
It was easy for Adrianne. She was sixteen and brave and didn't have strict
parents like he had. Mom and Dad would never let Jared go to a show at night!
His curfew was eight o’clock and Jared was a good boy. Loved his mama and said
grace at every meal. He didn't sneak out like Adrianne does.
They stare at each other, Adrianne waiting for a yes and Jared scrunching up
his nose in thought. There was no way he could miss out on this. Meeting the
love of his life in person! Having him sing to him! He would hate himself
forever if he didn't go. It would be worth the month of grounding he would get.
It would be worth a million groundings.
Anything for Jensen Ackles.
_____
Jared grunts when he falls to the ground from his bedroom window. He had a
small backpack with him. He wanted Jensen to sign his favorite album and
trembles at the thought. Watching those big hands sign his favorite album.
Jensen would probably smile so sweet at him and sweep him off his feet. Maybe
he would ask him to stay, play him a brand new song and stare longingly at each
other all night. And like Cinderella, he would be home by midnight. It was the
perfect fantasy, the perfect bedtime story.
He fusses with his hair and walks down the block to meet his friend. He was
sure to wear his best clothes; his blue sweater shirt he got for his
birthday,buttoned up to his thin neck and black dress pants he wore for church.
Jared spent countless time on his hair. Brushed it out long, flipped it up
behind his ears. He knew it looked like a girl’s haircut but Jensen Ackles
liked pretty girls so it was okay. Maybe Jensen would like him too.
Adrianne was waiting at the end of the block with a few of her friends. Her
blonde hair in ringlet curls, A bright scandalous red on her lips that he knows
her mom wouldn't buy for her. She looked really nice. The older girl waves and
Jared rushes to her. They hug and she ruffles up his hair like a little
brother. If Jared's was normal, this would make him turn pink and flustered.
But he's not normal, far from it.
“Hey!” He squeaks and flattens his hair.
“Who are you trying to look good for?”
His name pops into his mind but Jared doesn't dare say it.
“Nobody. Myself.” The girls laugh but Jared is glad they leave him alone.
Nobody knew Jared liked boys, none the less Jensen himself. And Jared was fine
keeping the secret. Deep down protected with bright pink hearts and Jensen's
name in curly q font.
_____
Jared was shaking in his scuffed oxfords.
Jensen Ackles was in the same building as him. Somewhere behind stage, he was
probably smoothing his hair back, playing a few chords on his guitar and
feeling excited about his show. Probably has his own cute rituals. Jared can
only imagine.
They managed to squeeze to second row on the left. It wasn't the front middle
row of his dreams, but Jared hoped he could see his freckles. To be honest, he
was just ecstatic to be here. The crowd was mostly girls which didn't surprise
him. Maybe some tag along fathers and boyfriends. They had to wait through two
singers Jared's never heard of, but when familiar chords played and the love of
his life comes out, Jared can't breathe. He's suffocating and drowning on air.
He wanted to scream, to cheer with the rest but he couldn't find his voice. All
he could do was stare.
Jensen waved at the crowd with that million dollar smile, tentatively  touched
the microphone and began singing his rock n roll words. Jared knew the song by
heart. Every beat, every twang of his guitar. He's taller in person, Jared
thinks. His eyes are greener than on TV. He's beautiful. Jared's so in love it
hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts.  But it's so good. He's wearing his clean
cut suit, the shiny Chelsea boots. Jensen sings to him, doesn't miss a line,
just like on TV. He's absolutely perfect.
When Jensen gets to Jared's favorite song simply titled 'Baby’, he nearly loses
it. It's the highschool romance love song he touches himself to sleep with, the
one be mouths silently when scribbling Jensen's name over and over in his
English notebook. Sometimes he'd even write 'Jared Ackles’. It's heaven wrapped
up in a simple beat and warm scandalous words that go straight to his dick.
People say Elvis was the king, but Jensen was his God.
The show was over way too fast. Jared wanted more but he sadly had a feeling
that he could never have enough of Jensen. Never ever. Jensen did a polite bow,
thanked the audience for a great time and slipped behind the velvety curtains.
Jared’s eyes were still staring at the stage where he gracefully stood, was
still seeing stars behind his eyelids.
The crowd began filing out but Jared took off in the opposite direction of the
crowd. He was getting his album signed, no matter what.
“Jared!”
“I gotta get my record signed!” Jared called back through the noise of the
crowd. He squeezes through people, bumping shoulders and making his way through
pill box hats and colorful gingham dresses. Adrianne called after him again,
but soon gave up and let him go before following after her friends.
He brought his record for him to sign and Jared was at least going to try. He
most likely will end up being lead out of the building, but this was a once in
a lifetime opportunity.
Trotting down the small hallway, his heart beating in his ears. Long scrawny
legs seem to carry him on their own accord. Jared was going to do this before
his nerves caught up with him. He saw the back of Jensen, slim and tall, moving
away from him. This was it. Jared held his breath.
“Hey! U-um”
Time seemed to slow as Jensen and two big men standing next to him turn around.
It's something out of Mama’s girly movies. Jensen’s looking right at him, only
him. Their eyes just meet seamlessly and Jensen's stay there for what seems
like days. Jared can't do anything but stand there like an awkward doe. Hunter
and prey. This was his last chance to turn around and run.
Please God. Please let him like me.
Jensen looks perplexed at the boy. He looks behind him like Jared appeared
suddenly out of thin air. Then looked back to Jared's face. Those green eyes
linger and all at once, Jared feels very, very small. His two bodyguards go to
usher him away but with a raise of his hand, Jensen calls them off. Jensen was
used to pushy fans. Mother's with their daughters more than ready to sign them
over to him. Small kids that didn't have an ounce of respect. But maybe, he
could spare a little bit of time to this thunderstruck boy. “You enjoyed the
show?”
Jared nods his head dumbly, then rushes to get his backpack. Jared retrieves
the record and thrusts it so awkwardly at the man, he wants to run and hide. No
time for that. Buck up and get it done. Jensen quirks his brow and smirked just
like in his posters and Jared breaks. He's sure Jensen can hear the
embarrassing snap.
As Jensen takes the pen and record, Jared's mouth is overflowing like a
forgotten sink. He can't stop it, doesn't want to. Jared is ready to propose to
the guy.
“Thanks for signing this. I-it means a lot a lot to me. You're my favorite. I
mean, my favorite singer and-”
Jensen finished signing the album moments ago but he was just watching the boy
fluster and stutter around his words. The kid was wobbly kneed, playing with
the hem of his shirt. Jared didn't know he was blushing, but Jensen sure did.
He could spot that a mile away. His mind wanders to a dark place as the boy
rambles.
“Baby is my favorite” Jared says and finally is able to stop his mouth.
The man’s eyes widened back to reality. Jensen's heard it before. From girls
with batting eyelashes, from his manager as he counts bills, but never from
this, what? Blushing Fourteen year old boy?  “Oh yeah?” Jensen hums coyly and
tilts his head to the side. His expression changes but Jared can't read it.
Something curious, something surprised. Jared only nod quickly again, his chin
beating his chest. He lost count on how many freckles Jensen had. Jensen makes
this interested sound and nods once, handing the album back to the boy. “I'm
glad you liked it. Thank you for coming.” He's nothing but prim and proper, the
perfect gentleman. What he says next isn’t so innocent. “You up for another
show? I'm here for a few days. I'll let you in”
Jared's eyes light up like fourth of July fireworks.
“Yeah!” He squeaks out, his voice cracking like the teenage boy he was and
Jensen smiles warmly. It reminds Jared of that one poster he has by his bed.
Even has the same eye crinkles.
When Jared walks away, staring at his new most valuable possession, he turns it
over to the setlist. Without warning, his heart burns and sings like a church
choir when he sees two small hearts by track number four - Baby
***** Chapter Two *****
Jared heaves himself into his bedroom window and falls to his bed, album in
hand. He carefully strokes over the decorated cover, over Jensen’s name and
flips it over. He stares at the two silver hearts by his favorite track.
What did it mean? Did Jensen always do that? He feels silly for being hung up
over it. It just felt special. He felt special. It wasn't his perfect fantasy
but it was pretty great. He didn't realize till after the fact that telling
Jensen ‘Baby’ was his favorite might be weird.
Jared felt like the only boy in the world that liked other boys. The show was
filled with girls, not boys. It's girls that are screaming his name and wanting
to kiss him. Then there was weirdo Jared. The realization hurts a little.
Jensen probably thought he was weird. Still, those two hearts lifted his
spirits. Jared forces a smile and leans up to kiss the album.
Nobody has to know. He's happy loving Jensen in silence.
_____
 
Jensen sings the same songs, acts exactly the same but it's still a good show.
He was able to watch him closer. The singer licks his lips a lot and they were
such a pretty pink. He grins wider when girls cheer his name. His fingers are
expert at playing, It was entrancing.  When the show is over, it's Jensen that
finds him. Well, one of his bodyguards. But same thing right?
Jared follows the man backstage and to a small room. This was amazing, now this
was special. This was turning out to be more of a fantasy. Taken backstage,
talking to Jensen one on one. He felt special walking past all the girls that
were hoping for just a glimpse of Jensen Ackles.
The body guard opens the door and ushers him inside. Jensen's sitting on a
small couch, one foot up on the coffee table. His tie was loosened, a few stray
hairs were stuck to his forehead. Jensen looks like something out of a wet
dream. Jared’s wet dreams.
He looks up when he arrives and he smiles brightly. Jared wants to cover his
face and hide. Like looking at the cornea burning sun. He could barely handle
it. Jensen is just glad his help brought in the right kid.  “Hey. Come in. Glad
you could make it” Jensen says politely. But he eyes the big man behind Jared
rudely. Taking the hint, the bodyguard rolls his eyes, leaves and shuts the
door behind him. Jared can't help but jump at the shutting door. His stomach
was in knots and he has the stark realization that he's alone with Jensen
Ackles. The room felt extra small now. He was alone with  Jensen Ackles.
Jared stands there like a lost puppy and Jensen thinks it's cute. The kid
looking at him like he's this amazing thing. Jensen likes it too much. He
watches as the boy messes with the hem of his shirt, squirming in his shoes.
“C'mon, sit.” He says and reaches into his pocket. Jared peeks around. There's
the couch Jensen is sitting on and a chair across the room. Did he mean?
“T-there?” Jared has to ask. There was no way Jensen Ackles asked him to sit
next to him. To his amazement, the singer pats the seat next to him. He's
acting so casual, like Jared was his old friend.
Jared walks on coltish legs. Oh, Adrianne was going to be so jealous.
Jensen pulls out a cigarette pack and pulls one out with his teeth. Jared never
pictured him smoking. But he looks nice doing it.  Very nice.
“ Want one?” Jensen asks with the cig balancing on his bottom lip.
Jared shakes his head.
Jensen snorts a little. “Better than I. Addiction is a beast.”
Jared laughs like he understands. The singer lights it up with a matchbook.
Jared is watching the whole time and licks his lips subconsciously. Being this
close to Jensen was unbelievable. He smelt like nice Cologne, his hands looked
so big. There was a silver ring on his ring finger. Maybe there's a matching
one on a girls hand somewhere. Jared tries not to think about it.
There's silence. Just Jensen looking over the boy, Jared taking equal looks.
Jared is so small and scrawny sitting there next to him. Has his ankles crossed
oh so politely, those still soft baby hands fumbling in his lap.
“How long have you’ve been a fan?” Jensen asks and Jared complies surprisingly
easy. “Since I was Thirteen”
Jensen looks incredulous. He taps his cigarette on the ashtray renting on the
arm of the couch. Thirteen? How old is this kid? A part of Jensen doesn't want
to know. A sick part of him wants to know. Has this little kid been listening
to his subtle raunchy lyrics since then? Did he even understand them?
“How old are you then?”
Jared pauses, sucking his lip into his mouth as he thought up a lie.
“Nineteen.” He says wearily, praying to Jesus that Jensen believes him. It's an
incredulous lie. Jared didn't want to say his real age. He was fearful that
Jensen wouldn't want to talk to him if he knew he was just a dumb fifteen year
old.
Jensen laughs, throws his head back and laughs at him. Jared doesn't know if he
wants to blush or cry.
“Boy, you are not nineteen.”
“Yeah I am!”
There's an interested gleam in Jensen's eye as he looks over the boy. Cracking
puberty voice, long scrawny limbs, eyes too big for his skull. No. He wasn't
nineteen years old. But Jensen let's it go.
“Alright. You got a name or are you going to lie about that too.”
Heat flushes Jared's cheeks. Like red roses, Jensen thinks. Bet his skin is
soft like petals too. He could write songs about it.
Jared says his name and when Jensen repeats it, Jared's chest heaves heavily.
Jared. He said my name. He's never had his name said like that. Curious and
breathy. Jared wants to hear it again but is way too shy to ask. He didn't want
to be weird in front of Jensen Ackles. There was no way he was screwing this
up.
“Alright, Jared. Why do you like Baby so much?”
Jared squirms in his seat and for the first time, he looks away. Too shy, too
embarrassed and even sick guilt. He felt the need to lie again. The real reason
was too dirty and wrong and weird.
“I-I dunno.” Jared begins. “The lyrics are… nice and uh.” The boy shrugs,
staring at Jensen's lit cigarette tapping on the ashtray. The singer hums
thoughtfully, seeing through Jared once more. Jensen was used to people telling
him how amazing his work was. They would go on and on. Praise after praise. It
got unmeaningful after a while although Jensen wanted to hear Jared's praise.
It was something sick in him, playing up fantasies in his mind.
“And?” Jensen pressures and Jared kitten licks his lip.
“Your voice is nice. I-in that one.” Jared crosses his legs tightly and Jensen
smiles. He finishes his cigarette and squashes it in the ashtray. When he leans
back, his arm falls across the couch, over Jared. His fingers dangerously close
to Jared's ear. Jared doesn't seem to notice.
“Well thank you.” Jensen says honestly, watching Jared itch his thigh. Jared
manages to look up, right into those smoldering green eyes. Jensen was just as
warm and friendly as Jared thought. Made him feel special and right at home.
Like he could tell Jensen each one of his secrets.
They talk for what seems like hours. About music, about school. It seemed
Jensen wanted to know all about him. The man twirls his fingers in Jared's long
hair. It makes the kid flinch, pause his blabbering mouth. When Jensen doesn't
pull away and only stares right back at Jared's eyes, he says nothing and
continues on.
Don't make this weird, Jared.
Jared is talking about the boring difference between his first album and second
album when suddenly Jensen is too close. He doesn't stop until his lips brush
against the corner of Jared's little pink mouth.
“So I think the...The lyrics in uh.” Jared stares wide eyed at the man, at
those grass green hooded eyes, at those lips touching him. This had to be a
dream. He was going to wake up. He never went to the show, he never-
Jensen cradles his face, pulls him closer, Jared moves like a broken ragdoll.
They're kissing, actually kissing and Jared has no clue what to do. He's never
kissed anyone. Not like this. He keeps his mouth slack, letting Jensen bite and
suck at his lip. It feels good, just like how his voice sends trembles through
his body. But this was harder and bigger tingles.
Jensen licks into his mouth and his tongue is too big, too hot in his mouth and
Jared squeezes his eyes shut. His toes curl in his oxfords, his legs cross and
tighten together. The singer goes for it, tongue fucking the boy messily and if
Jared knew better, needily. It's wet so so  wet  Jared couldn't handle it.
When he pulls away, Jared's panting hard through his nose, shallow chest
heaving like he's been running a mile. His eyes open and he doesn't know where
to look. At the floor, at those soft lips? Or maybe those eyes burning holes in
the side of his face. His mind was racing. Why was Jensen kissing him? Why
would he want to? Why was he kissing another  boy.
Jensen watches Jared's changing expression. He was seeing if this was too much,
waiting for the slap and cruel slurs. Big hazel eyes slowly meets Jensen and he
can't help but hum, “You like that?”
Jared can only nod slowly, his open lips shiny and wet. Puzzlement and
amazement in his wide eyes.
Jensen grins excitedly and leans in once more. Jared’s still not expecting the
kiss. A little “mmph!” escapes him as their lips meet. Big hands on his face
angles Jared's head to the left. The hands keep him there, trapped in his
embrace. Jared was beginning to understand Jensen's lyrics a little bit more.
Jensen’s kissing him hard, teeth at his lips, tongue rubbing against his. Jared
can't keep up but oh god, he's trying. Jensen doesn't seem to care. If
anything, it turned him on more. First kiss of this boys life most likely.
Suddenly, he wants to take away all of Jared's firsts.
Jared's shaky hands reach out, needing something to anchor himself to. He finds
Jensen's bicep and is surprised at the muffled sound that comes from the man.
A sudden loud noise echos through the room. Jared flies three feet In the air
and pushes away hard like his mom is banging on the door, ready to catch them.
He can barely catch his breath. Worried eyes stare at the singer, waiting for
direction.
“Mr. Ackles? We have to leave! Mr. Ackles!” The voice calls and Jared can
nearly hear Jensen rolling his eyes.
“Tch. Give me five more minutes!” He calls back and reaches for Jared
again,more than ready to continue sucking the life out of the kid. But when the
doorknob rattles, Jared is surprised at Jensen's speed.
Jensen is up off the couch, adjusting his hair and his pants and he's halfway
across the room when the door opens.
Jared flushes new blush when he looks down to his lap. Oh how he wished he had
his bag to cover up his embarrassing erection.
But Jensen is so at ease, so seemingly comfortable and easy. Like he put on a
mask. While Jared was on the couch sweating bullets and trying to act just as
calm while ignoring the heat between his legs.
“I'm sorry, Mr. Ackles. But we really need to be leaving” the man looked just
as nervous as Jared, and they didn't even share glances. They acted like the
other didn't exist. That's how Jensen liked it. The less questionable glances,
the better.
“ Yes, I’ll be ready in five minutes. Thank you.”
The door is shut and Jensen spins on his toes to Jared. He looked upset,
frustrated. Jared watches as Jensen combs a hand through his sweaty hair.
“Well.” He begins and Jared kicks his feet. “Come see me tomorrow.”
It's a demand Jared can't refuse.

_____
It doesn't feel real until Jared's back in his bed. He's on his back counting
the ceiling tiles. He got a pretty long lecture from his dad about sneaking out
but he barely heard it. It didn't matter. Jared was still touching his lips,
realizing that he kissed the love of his life. He kissed a boy. Not just any
boy, he kissed  Jensen Ackles . Nothing in Jared's dreams prepared him for
that. And he was still going to see him tomorrow night. No matter what his
parents said.
Jared closes his eyes tight, reliving everything that happened that night. He
doesn't want to forget, doesn't want to let those memories go. Jared replays
this amazing night like a movie behind his eyelids. He felt light like cotton
in a spring breeze.
That night, he didn't need Jensen's voice to jerk off too, he just imagined
Jensen's lips against him, how he smelt and sounded. How he made him feel.
Jared was in love with him. So deeply madly in love.
 
_____
Jared understood that being like he was, was very wrong. Father Douglas
preached it every Sunday. He's heard the rumors and whispers about the queer at
school. Jared’s seen them mocked and ridiculed. That's why he keeps his love
letters secret at school. Doesn't let the teacher see his notebooks. What would
mama say? She could never know. Nobody.
But that next day at school was so hard for him. He wanted to tell Adrianne all
about his escapade with Jensen. How the man held him and how nice he felt.
Jared could write a four page essay on Jensen and get an A+ on it.
He couldn't. Jared could never tell. The last thing Jensen told him was 'don’t
tell’. He was going to keep that secret. There was no way he could stop how
Jensen made him feel. It was too big, too massive. It was hard to listen to the
usual gossip and talk about musicians and Jensen at lunch. Always so eager to
talk about Jensen anytime he could, Jared just stared at his boloney sandwich
the whole time.
It was okay in a way. Jared could keep his secrets about his love. He was the
one kissing Jensen last night, not the flustered girls.
He was the one sneaking out that night to see the singer again.

_____
 
 
***** Chapter Three *****
As soon as Jared hurried back to that small room behind the stage, Jensen was
instantly on him. Jared could only hold on and comply. There's hands on his
face, Jared is up to meet those lips on his tippy toes. It's just as good as
the first. Wobbly knee, heart pounding sickness. Small hands shyly find
Jensen’s shirt. He kneads like a little kitten until Jensen pulls away.
“Hey” Jensen whispers against his cheek and it sends butterflies swarming in
his chest. He's so sweet, he's looking at him like in all of Jared's dreams.
Soft and loving. Everything Jared wants.
“H-hi.” Jared can barely say back. There's cotton candy in his mouth
Somehow Jensen drags the boy to the couch, Jared is walking on air. Sits on a
fluffy cloud next to Jensen. Jared can't stop smiling. Jensen kisses him sweet,
kisses him like a lover. Jared flinches when his warm lips travel to his thin
neck. The singer can see Jared swallow and kisses over his Adam’s apple.
“Been thinking about you.” Jensen admits softly while his hands slither down to
Jared's small waist.
His heart stutters and beats harder. Jensen's only ever said that in his
dreams. This was too good to be true. Jensen was smitten with him. They could
stay like this forever. Just them forever. Kissing and being this close and-
“I'm leaving tomorrow.”
The sound of Jared's heart breaking is audible from Germany.  Even Jensen can
hear it. He recoils into his shell, pulling away but Jensen follows. He doesn't
let Jared get too far, pulling him closer as Jared turns his face away. For the
first time, Jared doesn't want to look at Jensen. He truly was Cinderella.
Except he didn't get the prince at the end. His magical moments end tonight.
“Hey.” Jensen calls out to him and loves the look on his face. This was too
easy. This was a show and Jensen was playing his part perfectly. Too perfect.
Hazel eyes flash to him, but then look away quickly. Jensen only sees them for
a second. But they're beautiful. So tragic and heartbroken. Jensen’s kissing
his neck again, wet sloppy noises. He knows better than to mark the kid up.
Don't Leave a trace, Jared was never here. There's a little whimper and Jensen
tugs him closer. Jared was right against him. Got a good wiff of his expensive
Cologne. He was already memorizing each kiss and every detail. Jensen was
leaving and he’ll be dropped back to reality tomorrow at school. Like it never
happened.
The kisses get more aggressive and Jensen tugs on Jared's hips even though
there's nowhere for Jared to go. The hand moves down to Jared's thigh and he
hikes it up, just enough to make Jared whine.
This was getting a little too much but Jared wasn't going to pull away. He's
slumping down the couch now. He couldn't afford it. Wanted whatever Jensen
would grace him with.
“Come with me.”
It's whispered against his neck, hot and full of need like they were teengers
behind the bleachers at school. Jared stares at the far away wall, completely
confused and bewildered.
“W-what?” Jared whimpers out. Jensen couldn't be serious could he? What was he
was thinking? The man grins like a snake against his skin.
Jensen pulls Jared down by his hips, his small frame easily manipulated. Wasn't
the only thing Jensen was manipulating. One leg is scrunched up between the
couch and Jensen, the other one is around his waist and Jared can't stop
staring at Jensen's groin. He's hovering over the boy, panting in his face. The
crotch Jared's staring at starts to make heavenly rolls. Soft and little but
Jared's body responds too quickly.
Jensen asks again. “Come with me.”
Thoughts about school and his parents and Friends were colliding with sick
thoughts about Jensen. His smile, his voice, his mouth, whatever the hell he
was doing with his hips. His dick was quickly picking and choosing for him.
“I-I I can't. You're… I.” Jared couldn't think straight, this wasn't fair.
Was Jared really ready to lose Jensen forever? They loved each other. Mom would
never understand. Nobody would.
Jensen’s staring at him so hard, Jared can't look at him for more than two
seconds. When Jensen's big hand disappears between Jared's thighs, the boy
tosses his head back, pretty mouth wide open. Too much, too fast, too good,
feels too good.
“Come. With. Me. Please.” Jensen nearly spits the words into Jared's open
mouth. Jared's humping his hand like a dog, he’s whining and Jensen has him
right where he wants him.
When Jared comes in Jensen's hand, Jared nearly screams his answer.
“Oh god! Yes, please Jensen. Yes!”
Jensen licks his hand clean with a conceited smile. Gotcha.

_____
Jared wasn't expecting the long rule filled talk him and Jensen had.
“If anyone asks, you're my cousin or my assistant. Nothing more, nothing less.”
“Don't talk about what we do. Nothing. Got it?”
“Try and say out of the limelight. Out of pictures”
Jared was very nervous about this. But he had Jensen and Jensen had him. It was
like one of his dad's cousins. Got married young, ran away, family didn't
approve and they were still together. They were just like that. It was going to
be okay. Jensen was reminding him constantly.
Nobody would understand. And that's okay. What he and Jensen had was something
special. Everytime he got nervous, Jensen would flash that smile and everything
was okay.
He promised to take Jared home any time he wanted. That he could have anything
he wanted. It was a dream for Jared. They were in love, Jared knew they were.
Why else would Jensen be doing this?
Jensen on the other hand wasn't worried. This wasn't new. He'd have a few
people tag along with him for a while. Sometimes for publicity, sometimes for
his own enjoyment, sometimes to hide his sexuality. Because hey, if the press
saw him with female groupies, he was obviously straight.
Jensen’s manager, Jim knew what was going on the second he saw Jared mindlessly
following after Jensen. He knew what Jensen liked, knew he was queer. They've
had long talks about it. As long as Jensen kept his nose clean, kept up that
teen heart throb persona, and kept bringing in the money, he could deal with
Jensen's little boys.
God knows how fucked Jensen's career would be if the press realized Jensen
fucked men. Everything he worked for, everything he went through would be
flushed down the toilet in a second. If the boy sated his desires, then so be
it.
 
_____
They weren't far from Jared's small hometown. Maybe a town or two over. Jared
was tagging along with Jensen everywhere. To rehearsals, to stages and
theaters. It was amazing to see everything behind the scenes.
This theater was much larger than the one he and Jensen met in. The stage was
bigger too. Jared wandered down the aisles, touching the velvety seats as he
goes. His eyes were up on Jensen, watching him talk to Jim and strumming his
guitar. Jensen talked about testing the sound and acoustics before the show. It
sounded confusing, but he enjoyed watching Jensen. Jensen taps the microphone a
few times, breathes into it and continues his talk with Jim. They were
discussing times and shows. Jared could make out Alabama. He's never been there
before. It sounded exciting. But when Jared tip toes to the stage, Jim eyes the
boy and whispers, “Keep it clean. I don't wanna hear it."
Jensen rolls his eyes as Jim leaves.
Jared lifts himself on stage, sitting on its edge and kicking his legs in the
air. Jensen joins him, guitar in hand. It makes Jared smile, leaning against
him slightly.
“Pretty big theater. You ever get nervous?” Jared asks and Jensen shrugs as he
looks into the empty seats. “I've been in bigger.”
He doesn't answer his question. The boy nods and looks at Jensen's hands
lightly strumming. Jared could easily fall asleep like this. Against Jensen,
listening to him gently playing. When he looks up to ask another question,
Jensen catches his lips instead. Jared makes a little moan, trying not to smile
too much. Oh, he's had plenty of kisses since he ran away with him, but each
one was still mind numbing. He hoped he'll never get bored of his kisses.
Jensen pulls away first, leaving Jared blushing and fluttering his eyelids.
Jensen makes a noise like he tasted something good and licks his own lip. “So
good.” Jared chuckles a little and leans up for more. This was too good. Having
Jensen like this. Nothing better.
Jensen groans into his mouth. He pulls away just enough to growl, “Need you.”
It makes Jared's heart flutter. Needed him? Wanted him? Oh that makes his
little heart soar. Jared needed him too.
Jared breaks the kiss, leaning his head away and Jensen's mouth follows. Jared
asks a question before the singer could kiss him again. Jensen is bothered by
it, wants to pull him close and kiss him more, but he humors the kid and
listens.
“When did you start singing?”
Jensen looks confused at the question. He leans away fully, putting his arm
back around the guitar. Two chords play before Jensen answers. “I was six when
I first picked up a guitar. It was my dad's.”
Jared’s listening ever so closely. Even puts his chin in his hands. It makes
Jensen snort and shake his head. Adorable.
“Then when I was a little older, talent scouts found me. Some uh. School play
thing. And that's that.”  
This is a lie and Jared eats it up like candy.
Jared grins and Jensen is surprised at his curiosity. Jared keeps talking and
asking questions. He had so many but him and Jensen haven't had a lot of time
to talk. Jensen was always starting kisses and leaving him so wrecked, he
couldn't say anything but whine. That's really all they've been doing. Which
was okay. Anything with Jensen was amazing. How could he complain?
“First song you ever wrote?”
Jensen furrows his brow in thought. He plays a few notes from one of his songs
and Jared just stares. Stares like he's God himself, like he's the sun and the
stars. Jensen had the best profile. Beautiful.
Norma Jeane had nothing on Jensen Ackles in beauty.
Jensen chuckles once when he realizes what his first song was about. “It was
about my teacher. I was eleven. God, it was bad.”
They both laugh and Jensen bumps against the boy.
“Was your teacher a uh. Boy or girl?” Jared scratches and picks at his knee.
Jensen quirks his eyebrow. “Depends on what version of the song.” he replies
and looks back to his guitar.
Jared understands. He still couldn't get over that Jensen was like him. They
were made for each other. They were smitten over each other and this was
heaven.
 
_____
Jared stayed on the sidelines like Jensen wanted. Don't talk to anybody, don't
make a scene and stay out of the way. It made Jared feel like a sweet cherished
thing when In reality, Jensen just wanted him in the greenroom out of sight  so
people wouldn't wonder why he was having a boy around. Jared watched perched on
a chair while Jensen got ready. Women would come in, slapping him pre thought
out clothes. They made his hair combed back and shiny with gel, powder his nose
and gloss up his shoes. Jensen had smoked two cigarettes, half a cigar and two
beers.
They weren't the pre rituals Jared pictured. In his mind he imagined Jensen
debating on what suit to wear, combing his hair back himself. Reality was, was
that Jensen was very grumpy. His kisses had too much teeth and he kept shoving
the hairstylist away with mean looks.
Maybe he was having a bad day, Jared hopes.
“Alright, alright! Stop fucking touching me. Am I good enough?” Jensen snarls,
venom in his voice. His hands push and shove at the women who end up sighing
and giving up. Jared notices that Jensen doesn't look in the mirror often. Even
to the point of avoiding it. Maybe because he knows he always looks good. It
made sense.
When the singer turns around to Jared watching him, he puts on a grin and
chuckles a little. “Women. Am I right?” Jared shrugs his shoulders, his hands
neatly in his lap as the stylists leave. Once they were gone, Jensen strides
over to Jared, tilts his chin up and kisses him deeply. “Mm. You're getting
good at that.” Jensen whispers to his open mouth and Jared blushes in the
praise. Jared used to count the kisses, but he quickly lost track.
There's a quick knock on the door and Jensen steps away.
“Five minutes, Ackles”
The singer nods his head and just as the door squeaks shut, he's kissing
Jared's cheek. “Wait for me.” He cooes and Jared nods a little, completely
dazed.
***** Chapter Four *****
They really didn't talk much on the way  to the hotel. The show went well by
Jensen's little words and Jim was happy with the turnout. Jared feels like a
fly on the wall, listening to their conversations like he wasn't there. Jim
hardly looked at him but that was okay. Jensen looked at him all the time and
that's all he needed.
This hotel was very nice. Clean white sheets with pinstripe blankets, modern
art on the walls, a huge color TV and a record player in the corner.
Jared dropped his bag to the floor by the bed before falling on top of it. A
satisfied groan comes from him as he spreads his arms out like he was making
snow angels. Jensen was already lighting up and pulled a beer from the little
ice bucket on the table. He looks over the bottle and frowns “I asked for
something harder. Jesus christ.” Jared looks up when he pops the cap off and
drinks anyway. He downs half of it easily.
Damn, Jensen looked good doing anything.
Jensen taps his cigarette on the dresser without care and loosened his tie. He
strips his suit jacket next, placing it on a chair.
“Good show?” Jared asks, still on the comfy bed.
Jensen watches him, taps more ash, drags from it and stamps it out. He leaves
the half cigarette in the ashtray. Jared was too cute. So small on that big
bed, his shirt lifted show off that soft tummy. He strolls over to the boy,
beer In hand. “Mhm”
Jared goes to move off the bed but Jensen is suddenly there, cramming his
space. His head falls back to the bed.
Green eyes just stare at him and again, Jared feels very small. Like a kitten
or little flightless bird. Jensen is admiring the view. Their lips meet and the
man groans into it loudly. It sends violent tremors through Jared's body. The
bed creaks and dips with the weight of Jensen's knees. There's hands grabbing
his waist, moving Jared wherever Jensen wanted him. Thin legs shyly close but
Jensen spreads them gently like butterfly wings. Jared legs spread wide and
Jensen fills them perfectly.
Another swig, then Jensen is putting the bottle on the floor carelessly. They
kiss and Jared's drowning. He puts his shaky hands on Jensen's forearms.
Jensen’s cold hand slithers up his shirt and fingers go right to his nipples.
The pinching makes Jared squeak like a mouse and Jensen laughs. “Why’d you do
that?” Jared manages and hears a scoff. “Feels good don't it?” Jensen does it
again and yes, it does feel good. Oh, he was going to have so much fun with the
kid. Jared was too innocent. Jensen wanted to destroy him.
He moves to the boy’s neck and rocks against him. Nuzzling his neck, kissing
him there and all Jared can hear is the squeak of the bed and Jensen's wet
noises.
Jared stops whining when Jensen leans up, grabbing the bottle with him. He
stands at the foot of the bed. Hazel eyes watch him closely and Jensen shines
like a star under the attention. Loves it, wants to die in it almost. Their
eyes meet as Jensen chugs the rest of the bottle down. Down to the floor it
goes and his hands open his shirt. Jared’s mouth slacks open as he watches.
 This is the first time he feels like he can openly gawk at a man's torso
without being weird. Jensen wants that look on him all the damn time.
Jensen unbuttons his pants and slide them down his bowlegs. While Jared’s hands
tighten in the blankets and he shyly looks away, hiding under his long bangs.
It felt like instinct to look away, like he does in the locker rooms at school.
His embarrassment was on his blushing cheeks. Jensen’s already half hard in his
white briefs, the pink head of it poking out through the leg hole. He grabs at
his cock through his underwear and gives it a hard tug. It's not enough and
Jensen tugs them off too. They pool around his ankles as he strips his
hardening cock.
“Look at me.”
It's a quiet demand but Jared listens. His eyes flash to the man, to his hand
movements, to the hard cock in his hand.
Jared's chest heaves and he swallows the thickness in his throat. He seems to
shrink under Jensen's gaze.
That's his.. he's touching… oh God
Jensen unashamedly jerks his swollen cock in front of the boy, his other hand
on his balls squeezing. He squeezes at the tip, twists his wrist back down,
then back up in one fluid motion. Jared hears a gut flipping moan that makes
his thighs tremble.
It was mesmerizing to watch but so embarrassing. How Jensen flicked his wrist,
how wet and shiny the tip was. There was a thick vein on the side and his balls
hung heavy. It made Jared bite his lip and his own cock strain against his
pants. He can't seem to pull his eyes away.
“Take your clothes off. Lemme see you.”
Jared shudders and finally hides his face under his bangs. He doesn't move
right away, he plays with the hem of his shirt instead. Jensen moves and Jared
obeys. Everything comes off but his underwear. He can feel green eyes on him
the entire time and can see the man move his hand faster.
“Almost there,sweetheart. Don't be shy.” Jensen groans needily. Precome slides
over his hand as he repeats himself. “Don't be shy.”
Arousal spread hot through his veins, burning him inside out.
Jared takes a deep breath and looks back up, his thumbs hooked under his
briefs. He didn't want to disappoint him. But this was embarrassing. There was
something in the way Jensen looks, how his voice sounded. Calling him
sweetheart just like in his songs. Jensen is staring at him with expectant
eyes. Getting the courage, he pulls them down and kicks them to the floor in
one hurried motion. He doesn't make eye contact with Jensen. He can't, he feels
on fire and he's afraid he'll actually catch fire if he looks at him too long.
For a while, Jensen is just fucking his hand and watching the boy with dark
eyes. Jared’s rising chest, those perky pink nipples, his bony ribcage and fuck
his face. Needy and confused, like Jared had no control over his body, like he
didn't know he could be this turned on.
Jensen leans over, putting a hand on Jared's boney knee. He forces those
spindly legs apart and grins widely at what he sees. Jared was big for his age,
had a little bit of pubes growing. So soft, untouched, hard and curling on his
belly. When he looks up to Jared, he realizes that he's covering his eyes with
a hand.
It's cute In a way but God, he wants to see those big hazel eyes. Wanted him
looking at him, gawking at him. Jensen moves Jared's hand away and kisses him.
 Jared is nothing but whines and whimpers.
“Copy me”
Jared knows what he wants and complies. He looks to Jensen for some kind of
security and he gets an encouraging expression from Jensen. So,he snakes his
hand down. Jensen knows he hits gold when the boy under him shakes and cries
out.
Jensen leans up just enough to watch him stroke his cock and damn. It's been a
while. This was way better than secret rushed handjobs In bathrooms where
Jensen had to pay the guy to keep quiet.
They touch themselves together. Jensen can't stop staring at boy cock and Jared
was just trying to breathe.
Jared knows he's going to blow. Blow quick and hard and embarrassing. Jared
done this many times but this was something so new. Instead of his voice to
jerk off too, Jensen was here in front of him, staring bullets into him with
such needy eyes. His back arches, their eyes meet. Jensen’s hand flies over his
cock, hot and needy. Jared’s not sure how Jensen knows, but he does.
The man reaches to the nightstand, pulls out a few tissues from a tissue box
and roughly grabs at Jared's cock. As soon as he touches him, Jared comes into
the tissues. He tosses his head back, mouth flying open as he moans. Pleasure
flooded through him to every inch of his body. Jensen is more than happy to
milk him through it but he's half tempted to stuff his big cock into that open
cherry pink mouth. Later.
Jared's head is still tossed back when Jensen growls in his ear, “Touch me.”
The words snap Jared out of his blissful haze and stares at the heavy bobbing
cock between them. It looked intimidating. Too big and oozing clear liquid.
Some of it was getting on his softening dick.
But Jared does like a good boy. He looks hesitant at first and Jensen gets off
on it. Jensen waits with his breath caught in his throat. He wants to remember
this moment forever, never forget the look of Jared's face. Baby boy’s first
handjob.
Jensen shakes his dick in front of Jared, an invitation and the boy finally
grabs his erection with two hands and pumps the best he can. He can feel each
twitch and pulse from his member, the heat of it and how big it felt in his
hands. It awkward, it's clumsy, it's too tight but God, Jensen gets off on it.
“E-ever touch a cock?”
Jared blushes and he doesn't know if it because no, he hadn't or if it was the
filthy words. He shakes his head, hands getting slippery. Jensen groans. Of
course he hadn't. He's just a baby. The wet shuck shucknoise, Jared looking so
concentrated and even on the verge of scared, it was heaven.
Jensen fucks his hands quickly and Jared flinches when he comes. Jensen nearly
cuts a hole in his bottom lip as he jackhammers his hips so hard, Jared is
bouncing on the bed like a ragdoll. The boy watches in awe as he hits his
climax. He brings his hand over Jared's and squeezes tightly. Jensen makes a
mess of the used tissue and tosses it to the bed before slapping Jared's hands
away from his sensitive dick.
They're quiet. Just the sound of their heavy breathing. Jensen is admiring the
view again. Jared’s staring up at him like he's in heaven, thanking him for
this. Jensen is used to people staring at him, he hated it but this was
perfection. He wanted only Jared's gaze on him. He kisses the boy's cheek and
grabs the used tissue before leaving the bed.
Jared leans up, following him with his eyes and frowns when hears the toilet
flush. Don't make messes.  Now he understood what the man meant. All of
Jensen's shame was in that little tissue and down the toilet it goes, just like
it never happened.
_____
“I'm not singing that shit! Look at this? Have you read this? I don't care who
wrote it. I'm not… I'm thirty fucking years old.”
“You will, Jensen. It's not even that bad. It'll work and get you-”
Jared flinches as he hears a glass break against the wall. They have been at it
for hours It seemed. From what Jared could hear from the other room, Jensen
didn't want to sing this new song Jim had for him.Jensen wasn't happy. He
couldn't even imagine that Jensen could be so mad and hot headed. It must be a
really stupid song if Jensen didn't want to sing it.
Jared was sitting in a chair by the window, the shiny lights of New Orleans
reflecting into the room. He was reading a magazine and trying to not eavesdrop
on Jensen and Jim's conversation. It was hard not to.
“I'm sorry we can't write what you want to sing about but-”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Jensen yells. Jared is sure everyone on
this floor could hear. It was embarrassing.
There's silence, heavy boots on floor and the door to their room swings open.
Jared flinches with his whole body and stares at the angry man. He was ready to
see steam come out of his ears. The door slams shut. Jensen walks over to the
bar, pours himself some alcohol and slurps it down messily. The paper in his
hand was crumpled at he tosses it on the counter.
Jensen doesn't even look at Jared until he's three feet in front of him. He
jumps himself as if not expecting Jared to be sitting there. After looking at
Jared's expression, his own softens.
“ Oh baby, don't look at me like that.” Jensen pleads and pulls Jared's chin
into a kiss. “That's nothin’. Don't even worry about it. Just stupid stuff.”
How could he argue with that face and those words? Jared nods slowly, choosing
to believe him. Jensen’s never lied to him and they loved each other. It was
just a misunderstanding, he was sure. Jensen kisses him again, deeper and licks
against Jared's bottom lip when he's done. He grins and automatic warm feelings
flood through Jared.
He pulls out a cigarette box from his back pocket and falls to the bed before
lighting it.

_____
 
***** Chapter Five *****
1950
Jensen fiddled with his guitar that's nearly too big for his small still child
body. It's brown and glossy and it his favorite thing in the whole wide world.
The light he's under is almost too bright. He squints his eyes and crinkles his
freckled nose as he tries to make sense of the room.
The office is very spacious. There's a love seat on the side, tons of
bookshelves, gold records hung on the walls. A dying plant in the corner. There
were giant windows behind the desk but the curtains were drawn. All the light
in the room was a lamp, the light he was perched under and the lit cigar
between a grin.
“Jensen Ackles huh?”
“Yes sir.” Jensen replies back politely, nerves bubbling into his throat. This
was it. This was his way to stardom. He ran away from home, practiced every
night, lived on the street for this. He knew he was good. It's been said his
entire Life.
The man chews on his cigar, pulls it out and puffs it in Jensen's direction. It
makes the boy scrunch his nose and blow it away.
A deep chuckle. “My name's Lewis. You sing good yeah? Real good? “
Jensen grins confidently. “Yes sir” he repeats and Lewis chuckles big and deep
in his throat. He wiggles a finger at Jensen and the boy steps to the desk.
Lewis waggles his finger again, and closer Jensen got.
“Cmere. Lemme get a good look at ya.”
Jensen stands at the side of the desk, not wanting to get any closer. Lewis
grabs his collar and makes up the distance. Jensen takes it, only frowning a
bit and stumbling. Lewis pulls away, looking over the boy. He was pretty
alright. Big cock sucker lips, freckles everywhere, big green eyes and sun
bleached hair.
“Show me what you can do.” Lewis leans back and folds his arms.
With a grin too big for his face, Jensen goes for it. He strums his guitar,
sings some Sinatra song. He sings his little heart out and he's good. Oh-he’s
good. Jensen can see dollar signs in Lewis's eyes. It only makes him sing
louder. When Jensen finishes, he does a polite little bow. That's when a hand
clasps hard on his neck. The boy stumbles and pushes against it. When he looks
up, confused, he meets a nasty stare that makes him tremble. The hand massages
his neck. Jensen’s skin crawls, makes goosebumps all over his skin. This wasn't
right, what was he doing?
But the hand keeps pushing and pushing hard. It moves to his shoulder. Jensen
snarls and fights it. Whatever Lewis wanted him to do, he wasn't getting it.
The sick voice said  “C’mon boy, you wanna be a star right? This is how it
goes.”
Jensen can feel fear choking him and tears stinging his eyes.
“Be a good boy and let's see what else that pretty mouth can do…”
_____
Jared's favorite time with Jensen were the mornings. Mornings like this when he
wakes up to big arms around him, warm comfy blankets and Jensen's beautiful
face next to him. Jared lightly touches his stubbly jaw, focusing on each
eyelash and each freckle. He gently dusts fallen hair in his eyes away before
kissing his lips. Jensen was so cuddly in the morning. Even doing this made the
arms tighten around him. It makes Jared giggle softly. This is what his dreams
were. Quiet moments like this.
When Jensen blinks his eyes open, Jared is sure to quickly look away like he
wasn't just staring at him creepily. But Jensen smiles. Oh he smiles and it's
brighter than the morning sun coming through the curtains.
“Morning.” Jensen Gruffs out and wipes his eyes. His voice is sleep rough and
Jared loves it.
“Good morning Jensen.”
It felt so amazing to say that each morning.
Morning kisses were the best as well. Slow and sleepy, so loving Jared just
melts. Jensen cradles his face, peppers his blushing face in little kisses and
runs his hand up his side.
They both get up half an hour later, Jensen slipping on yesterday's pants and
calls on the bright red rotary phone for breakfast. He puts his hand over the
receiver and turns to Jared who's still in bed,happily watching the curve of
Jensen's back.  “Pancakes or eggs?”
“Pancakes!” Jared chirps and Jensen repeats it into the phone.
Room service comes quickly and they eat in bed together like a couple. Jensen
talks about his daily plans, rants about crazy fans. About anything really.
Jared listens intently through mouthfuls of sugary pancakes.
Jensen dresses while Jared is still sprawled naked in bed, sheets covering his
waist and he simply watches Jensen get ready for the day. Jensen dressed way
differently when he's not on stage. Even had his hair messy, didn't shave.
Jared likes the look of the slim suit, but this turtleneck sweater and tweed
jacket combo was very nice.
“You look like Steve McQueen.” Jared jests and Jensen pouts his lips.
“Shut up. I hate wearing that stuffy suit all damn time”
Jensen walks to the big bed and leans over. Jared happily leans up to meet his
lips with a content sigh.
“See you soon. Be good.” Jensen hums and gives him one last kiss for good luck.
Jared watches with half lidded eyes as Jensen leaves to go do business.
This was heaven.

_____
They’re in Tennessee when Jared realizes Jensen has more than one voice.
There's the voice he talks with on stage, thanking the audience for coming.
It's sweet, polite and gentleman-y. It's the voice Jared fell in love with.
Then there's his normal everyday voice. Making phonecalls, joking with him and
Jim. It's humble and rough and down to earth.
There's the voice he uses when Jared's on his back and Jensen is talking dirty
to him and touching him. Private and intimate Jared likes this the best.
Lastly there's the voice Jared hates the most. The angry aggressive one. Jensen
growls and hisses at his manager for getting the wrong alcohol. Where he throws
things and shouts at the stylists for touching him. Little strange things
trigger him, Jared was learning each one.
But this voice? This voice was new.
Jensen came back to the hotel. His shirt is backwards, his hands shake horribly
and as soon as he comes through the door, he takes a shower. Jared peeks
through the covers to watch him pace the room like an anxious circus tiger,
then Jensen ends up taking another shower after that. confused, Jared squints
at the clock on the wall while the water runs. 4:33 am. Where has he been all
this time? Jensen’s usually back by seven or eight.
Jensen crashes to the bed, butt naked, hair wet and suddenly tugs down the
blankets over Jared. He shivers at the cold and grunts unhappily. “H-hey your
hands are cold! What are you-”
“ God Jared. Just just you gotta c'mon.”
It's word garbage that Jared can barely understand.
His hands gropes under the blankets for Jared's dick and Jared squirms once he
does. His legs defensively come up and close and he's a little happy once it
stops. Something was very wrong. Soon, he's grabbing Jared's hand and leading
it to his own dick.
“Jensen…” Jared warns but strokes his stiffening cock anyway. There was
something off about him. He was obviously upset but Jensen was wearing this
weird smile. For the first time, the smile didn't give butterflies, it made him
nervous. Scared even. Jensen looked bad as he wiped across his nose and sniffed
loudly.
Jared goes to move his hand away from his cock, but Jensen grips his hand
bruise tight and makes the boy touch him. A nervous noise passes through Jared.
“Wanna fuck you. Cream that little ass. You gonna let me one day?”
His eyes widened at the filthy words. Fuck him? No, no not like this. This
wasn't Jensen at all. He watches Jensen's tremors and he doesn't think it's
because of the hands around his dick.
Jared’s half assed strokes makes Jensen happy at least and he fucks his hand
the best he can. Uneven, bad thrusts even though he looked like he was trying
his god damn best. Jared was scared. Kept his mouth shut and did what he
wanted. He stares up into Jensen's eyes and all he saw was black pupils.
“Touch me, Baby. Just. Mnh-!”
Jared jerks his hand away fast as warm sticky ick covered his hand. He's never
touched his spunk like this. And honestly it was kinda gross. There was always
a hotel washcloth or tissue when they fooled around. Don't make messes.
After finishing, Jensen seemed to collapse on top of the boy and Jared had a
hell of a time pushing him off. But he does with his long legs and a few
grunts. Jensen’s unresponsive and he stares at his body for a few moments
before getting up to go to the bathroom.
By the time Jared's hand is clean, Jensen is passed out face first in bed. The
boy curls up far away from Jensen, his disgusting words filling his head.
Jensen sleeps in the next morning and when he awakes, neither of them speak
about it.
_____
 
 
***** Chapter Six *****
Jared carefully sets his favorite record down on the record player. He puts the
needle on, then balances a few quarters onto the needle.The records been played
so many times that there was a good sized scratch on it. So each time it would
get to the chorus, it would skip and turn into garbage. It was his dad's idea
to balance a few coins on the needle so it would pass over the scratch better.
It wasn't perfect, but it played better.
He grins a little as Jensen's rock n roll voice filled the hotel room. It's
been ages since he played his album.  The one with two silver hearts on the
back.
Jared goes to the orange curtains and opened them with enthusiasm, taking time
to enjoy the scenery. Illinois. Jensen said he never played here before.
There was a pile of candy wrappers on the table from the night before, beer
bottles and remnants of last night's dinner, steak and vegetables. Jared’s
never eaten so well.
It's been three weeks and four days since Jared ran away with Jensen.
He watches the cars and people go on their daily lives below him. His mind
wanders to his parents. Did they miss him? Did they call the police? Jared made
it very clear in his note that he was safe. He frowns a little,homesickness
spreading In his chest. He doesn't notice Jensen coming out of the bathroom
wearing only slim black pants.
The man rolls his eyes and trembles at his own music. Like hearing his voice
made him ill. He hates hearing his music. Music and lyrics he not so deep down,
hated.
“Christ. Why the fuck are you listening to that?”
Jared spins around and frowns a little at his tone. Was is weird? Was it
stupid? Guess it was. Feeling self conscious, Jared turns off the player with a
defeated smile.  “Sorry. I just thought…”
Jensen snorts, approaching the boy. He knows he hurt his feelings, but is glad
the player is off. He puts his arms around Jared, kissing his shoulder. He
plays it off casually. Even says, “You got the real thing right here.”
Jared beams just a little and chuckles. He was right. He had Jensen and Jensen
had him. When Jensen starts to actually sing where the record stopped, Jared
flushes out in goosebumps. Okay, so this was better than the record.
Grabbing his hips, Jensen tugs Jared backwards to the bed. He sits down on it,
guiding Jared between his legs. Like puzzle pieces, Jared snaps into place. The
man is still singing to him, soft and sweet. When he tugs on Jared's hips
again, the boy falls to his lap. Thin legs bracketing Jensen's hips, sitting
right on his dick and this is Jensen's heaven. “My baby, oh my baby” Jensen
sings against Jared's neck. Jared’s teeth bit at his own lower lip.
Jensen’s words garble together as they kiss. Jared’s hands cupping Jensen's
stubbly jaw. He only shaved when he was on stage. Something about Jensen
looking younger. But Jared loved the stubble. Soon, Jensen's not even singing
anymore, just moaning into the boy’s mouth.
Things got so hot so fast with Jensen. Just a look, just a touch or kiss. It
doesn't take long for Jensen's hips to start thrusting, bouncing Jared on his
lap and Jared was grinding against his stomach. The boy moved so sweetly, so
good, always got him rock hard.
In one swift motion, Jensen flips them so Jared's on his back. He doesn't even
need to separate the kids legs anymore. They fall open like blooming roses.
Automatic and oh so willing. One of Jensen's hands flies between his own legs,
and other under Jared's sweater. “Hold your shirt up” he orders and Jared holds
his shirt up with two hands, his knuckles under his chin.
Feverish kisses cover Jared's chest. His collarbone, his chest, around his
nipples and even down to his belly. As Jensen comes up, he slides his tongue
over a perky little nipple and sucks it into his mouth. He sucks hard and Jared
mewls happily, threading a hand through Jensen's still damp hair. Jared watches
as that talented tongue flicks over the bud, bites, then pulls away.
Jared can only moan,his toes curling in his socks and chest heaving. It didn't
take much to get Jared going and Jensen abuses it.
He's mid moan when Jensen plucks his bottom lip between his fingers. He
massages his thumb against the pink flesh and grins wickedly. Uh oh. Jared
learned that look very quickly.
“You ever sucked cock?”
Jensen already knows the answer. But he wants to hear it from the boy. Jared
stares, glances to Jensen's bulge in his pants, then back up to green eyes.
“No…?”
His answer makes Jensen groan deep in his throat. He gropes himself through his
pants, just picturing that pretty mouth around his dick. Jared would probably
choke on it, gag his little throat on it. Sound so pretty doing it.
“Y-you wanna try?”
Jared can hear the need and excitement in his voice. He tilts his head to the
side, brushing his bangs out of his eyes before looking up into that sex driven
expression, it had Jared shaking almost. Fro fear or excitement, he didn't
know. He licks his lips before asking, “you mean… in my mouth?” Just the idea
makes his head spin. Jensen wants to drown in Jared's innocence. It's too good.
Jared was something out of Jensen's darkest fantasies.
Jensen nods his head. “It ain't hard. I promise it's just.”  he delicately
touches Jared's mouth again as if he were touching flower petals. He wanted to
be the first one to violate that mouth. It made his cock twitch just thinking
about it.
Jared breathes in slow and deep, holds it then let's it out through his mouth.
“Maybe- H-Hey!”
Jensen moves quick, Jared can barely keep up. Soon Jensen is straddling his
chest, sitting right on it and Jared can barely breathe. The boy squirms under
him, trying to adjust and he closes his eyes for a moment. Hands come up to
Jensen's thighs and when he opens his eyes, there's a cock bobbing inches from
his nose.
Jensen nearly dies at Jared's wide eyed expression. Cute. Adorable. Little and
under his control. Jared couldn't say no to him. They both knew that. Jensen
loved being in control.
Jensen strokes himself as Jared squirms. He couldn't even look at his cock, He
felt trapped under Jensen's heavy weight.  Cheeks burned with embarrassment.
Maybe this wasn't a good idea. The boy flinches when the wet cock head is
slapped on his face. Jensen smears precome on his cheek as Jared automatically
turns away, hazel eyes squeezing shut.
“Oh baby. Open your mouth. Wider. There you go. Tongue out just like that- Oh
fuck”
Jared pants hard through his scrunched up nose as Jensen's cock slides heavy
into his mouth. It's warm on his tongue, silky at the tip and rougher on the
shaft. It's funny tasting like copper and simply too big.
Jensen could feel the boy's panting chest under him, his little heart just
fluttering frantically. He gets off on it, gets off on Jared's cherry pie mouth
stretched around him, how scared he looked. The epitome of blushing virgin.
Jensen shallowly fucks his mouth and groans loudly. He wants to toss his head
back, but he couldn't take his eyes away from Jared's face. His bottom teeth
were dragging on his skin, it was just enough pain to make everything better.
Putting his hand in Jared's puppy brown hair, he shoves his cock deeper in his
mouth. Jared immediately chokes, sputters, face turning to the left for air. Oh
no, Jensen keeps his dick in the boys mouth. Let's it balloon Jared's left
cheek.
“Look at me.”
Jared doesn't want to. The grip on his hair tightens and finally, Jared does.
He shudders at what he sees.
Jensen is staring at him, eyes glossy dark, lips parted sinfully and he looked
like he was in love. It made everything a little bit better. This is what
people do when they love each other. Anything for Jensen.
Jared stays quiet, letting Jensen use his mouth. The kid had no experience with
this, just laying there like a doll and it only makes Jensen harder. His little
fuck hole.
Jensen pulls out suddenly, leaving Jared coughing up spit that drools down his
chin. Tear filled hazel eyes close as Jensen unashamedly rubs his dick all over
Jared's face. Over his lips, his cheek, past the little moles and over his
eyelashes. The man imagines this as some sort of sick marking, a claiming.
“Shit, Jared.”
Jared peeks an eye open and not a second later, his mouth is full again. “Mnnf-
!”
Jared’s Baby whines nearly makes him come right there.  
Jensen fucks his mouth in earnest. Grabbing Jared's hair, then holding his jaw
open when Jared turns his head away. The boy glances up when cock is back on
his face. Jensen breathes heavy, moaning loudly and jerks his hand furiously.
Jared prays Jensen reaches for a tissue. He doesn't and his seed paints his
face in a matter of seconds.
Jared yanks his face away with a nasty look and wipes his sticky mouth. It's
gross, but he doesn't say anything.
“Ah fuccckkk.” Jensen groans out and falls to the bed next to Jared. They lay
side by side quietly. Jensen’s staring blankly at the ceiling and Jared is
cleaning his face with his shirt collar. He doesn't even know what to say. His
jaw ached and forced tears still stung his eyes.
With another groan, Jensen rolls on his side to Jared. Despite everything,
Jared still gets butterflies as Jensen kisses his cheek.
“Did so good sweetheart. “
Something painful was settling in his stomach. Jared just stares at Jensen,
pushing it away by seeing how happy he made the singer. It made up for
everything.
As long as Jensen was happy, Jared was happy.
***** Chapter Seven *****
Jared’s scribbling down in his notebook. Jensen bought it for him last time
they went shopping. It was simple, black with lined paper on the inside. He had
put his initials on the front inside cover along with the year. He would write
down his thoughts, feelings, special moments. Jared couldn’t help but have a
page full of Jensen’s name, just like his school notebooks.
It was a way to keep track of everything. Jared didn’t want to forget anything.
Skinny legs kick in the air as he writes. Smiles like a schoolkid when he signs
his name at the most recent entry. Careful eyes reread it for spelling errors
before delicately closing the book and slipping it into backpack.
Jensen wanted to get out of that stuffy hotel they’ve been holed up in for
three days, so they were lounging around the theater Jensen was singing at
tonight. Jared couldn’t complain. He’s been stuck in bed all those three days.
It was nice to get fresh air, stretch his legs a little and get some new
scenery. Jared wasn’t expecting Jensen to invite his friend and Jensen didn’t
even bother introducing him to him. The boy sat quietly and out of the way like
Jensen wanted and watched the men talk, jest and smoke.
He glances up from the small table when he hears Jensen moan. The singer his
sitting on a sprawling couch, feet up on the coffee table as he smokes. His big
burly friend sitting on the table’s edge. With his head tilted back, Jensen had
a dopey smile on his face. The smell made Jared wrinkle his nose. 

“What’s that? Some kind of cigar?” He chirps, dipping his chin into his hands.
Jensen laughs at him, along with his friend and it causes Jared to frown,
feeling awfully self conscious.  Jensen’s friend meets Jared’s eyes with a
furrowed brow and a questionable look. There’s awful silence and Jared wants to
leave the room, feeling stupid and young. He turns his head shyly away, tapping
his pencil on the table and tries to disappear as much as he can.
“Ah, you scared him, Jeff. Be nice. He’s little.” Jensen sounds sweet but it
still makes Jared’s cheek burn with embarrassment. They both chuckle and Jensen
drags from his blunt. His heavy eyes don’t leave Jared’s small frame, watching
him curl in on himself and cower.
“When’s your next show?” Jeff asks, his deep voice sandpaper rough. Jensen
shrugs his reply, still eyes on the boy. “I dunno. Two hours maybe?” The singer
honestly didn’t know and in this moment, he didn’t care. He was happy, dopey
dumb happy and warm, sated. Jeffery always brought the goods when he visited
and Jensen was always appreciative.  Jim would slap him with lectures, pay cuts
and shit load of fuckery if he found any sort of drug on him. But Jensen always
found it easy enough. They both knew that. It’s brushed under the carpet just
like his sexuality, like he didn’t have young boys around to fuck.
Jeffery makes this ‘mhm’ noise in his throat and puffs out thick foggy smoke.
“You gonna be good before then?” He asks, watching the singer melt into the
couch in bliss. They eye each other, Jensen looks annoyed. “Does it matter?” 
Jeff can’t argue with that.
Jared dares to peek up to the men again and when he does, Jensen’s wiggling a
finger at him. Those eyes dark and hooded and something else that makes his
spine tingle. Like a well trained dog, Jared lifts off the chair and comes to
Jensen. It makes Jeff snort. “Got him trained do you?’
Jensen rolls his eyes before muttering “Shut up.” But he grins slyly as Jared
sits next to him. The boy waves smoke out of his face. It felt awkward to have
someone in the room with him. Jared had a hard time meeting those deep eyes of
Jeffery.  Jensen puts his arm around the boy, pulls him snug against his side
and Jared squirms uncomfortably. Jeffery is staring at him and it was making
him nervous somehow. The man looks like a bear. Stern eyes, big beard. But
Jensen was here, kissing his forehead and puffing smoke in the air.
Jared watches as Jensen brings the rolled up drug and his eyes widened when it
touches his lips. “Here. Suck.” Jensen says with a teeth rotting grin. Jared
can’t believe he asks, that Jensen wants him too. The man loves those big doe
eyes. He puts on equal big puppy eyes and Jared can’t refuse. Jared wasn’t
little, wasn’t a baby. He could feel eyes on him, waiting and passing
judgement. He could smoke with the men.
Jensen’s expression goes dark as he watches pink lips wrap around the blunt. 

“There you go, breathe in. Just like that.”  
Jared coughs hoarsely and pushes Jensen’s hand away hard. He’s choking,
gagging, it’s disgusting and makes his head spin as chuckles and laughs fill
the room. He hears a “he’s cute” From Jeffery. Jared barely has time to recover
before the joint is pushed back to his lips. 
“One more, baby. C’mon. You can do it.”

Jared complies even though his stomach aches from it. He tosses his head back
to the couch, blinking in the dim room with parted lips. They sit there in
silence and soon, time seems to slow like a broken clock face. His brow furrows
in confusion as he stares at Jeff. The boy watches smokes spin through the air
like ink in water. It’s mesmerizing.

The third time Jensen forces it between his lips, Jared doesn’t complain. He
can’t. Lungs breathed in, making his head spin. Licking his dry mouth and lips,
he manages to look up to Jensen’s sleazy smile.
This wasn’t a cigar.
Jensen’s shoulders move in a chuckle, almost a girlish giggle at Jared’s
expression. “Good?” He asks and Jared doesn’t know how to answer. Good? Bad? He
felt light, faraway, not there. It wasn’t good. An involuntary disagreement
noise comes from the boy and his head falls to Jensen’s shoulder.
Suddenly there’s hands on him, moving him wherever. He can only whine a “A-Ah.”
Jared is so tiny compared to Jensen, the man easily manipulates his frame.
Moving his hips closer, pulling on his leg and puts it around his waist. Jared
moves like a broken doll and before he knows it, he’s straddling Jensen’s lap.
When he realizes where he was, Jared squirms and pushes away. He closes his
eyes at the kisses on his cheek and when he’s opens them, he’s instantly
looking at Jeffery.Oh god. This felt wrong and uncomfortable, they weren’t
alone! Jensen always insists on not doing this stuff around people.
Jensen grabs with too tight hands, keeping him in place. “S’okay, Jared. He
knows. It’s alright. Here. One more. Good job.”
Jared’s lungs burn and when he’s done, he drops his forehead to Jensen’s
shoulder. There’s sucking on his ear, a hand going up his chest and a hand
going down his back. Too many hands, too different. Jared looks behind him to
see Jeff stroking his back, the joint between his pursed lips. 
“You fucked him yet?”

Jensen shakes his head, twisting a nipple that makes Jared whine into his
shirt. Jared wiggles on his lap, trying his best to lift his heavy head up.
Felt too big, too heavy on his thin neck.

Jared sucks in more poison, coughs it out and shivers at the effects.
Jeffery’s hand slides down the back of his pants but it doesn’t last long
before Jensen’s slapping his hand away.
“Just watch, Jeff. Christ.”
And watch Jeff did. Leaned back on the table, dragging from his joint while he
squeezes his dick through his pants.
Everything’s a blur after that. Jensen’s hand down his pants, teeth at his
neck. There’s a burn in his stomach and chest that just won’t go away and
Jensen was kissing him like he was trying to ease it away. It didn’t help.
Jensen’s bouncing him in his lap, grinding against him. It feels like he’s on a
boat somewhere far at sea, getting seasick. He can feel the thick outline of
his cock against him and it made him flush head to toe. Jared didn’t dare look
back to Jeff. Too embarrassed, too ashamed.
Numb hands try and push Jensen away after that, needing space and time to
realize what was going on. Jensen kept hushing him, kept kissing him and
keeping him still. “S’okay baby.” There was heavy pants behind him, wet noises
on his ear. It was too disorienting, too confusing. 
“J-Jensen.”

“Shh. S’okay. Lemme just-”
It wasn’t okay. This was too weird. Through the daze, he knew this was weird.
Doing this kind of stuff was something they did when they were alone, it was
love making. It was...not this. Jensen’s cold hand leaves Jared’s dick and
Jared thought maybe, just maybe they were done. But he shudders as the hand
dips into the back of his pants. Shudders even harder as fingers spread his
ass. 
Jared twists and turns, shaky arms pushing himself off Jensen’s chest. Their
eyes finally meet and Jensen was gone. Just two coal black eyes, a grin and
“Baby shh.” Jensen could read Jared’s frantic expression. It made his cock
throb harder. “Feels good, promise. Just one.”

Just one? Jared doesn’t understand until a wet finger slide into his ass. The
noise he makes causes Jensen and Jeff to grab at their cocks. It sounded hurt,
like a wounded animal, it sounded like he was punched in the throat and it
turned Jensen on like nothing else. With his finger inside of Jared, He had his
eyes on Jeffery, watching him stroke that big dick of his. For a second, Jensen
wonders what Jared’s baby mouth would look like around that monster.

Jared couldn’t breathe. The burn was just as bad as the burn from the joint.
Jared cries out into Jensen’s neck and only gets peppered kisses to his temple
and a deep groan from Jeffery.

Jensen knew the kid would be tight, even with the drugs making him lax, he was
still fucking tight. Tighter than any pussy, he thinks to himself. It has him
licking his lips, pressing deeper into the boy. Jared’s thighs shake horribly,
his asshole fluttering around the intrusion. So soft, so silky, and hotter than
his mouth.
Jared’s repeating Jensen’s name like a mantra, over and over, pleading with
him. He didn’t know whether to ask to stop, or ask to keep going. Mixed
feelings shook his body. Good, Bad, Pain, Pleasure. Too much, More more more.
Jared couldn’t keep up. His hips move on their own, back and forth, his cock
rubbing against Jensen’s cotton shirt.
“Shit.” Jeffrey groans from behind Jared and Jensen makes an agreed noise.
Jensen keeps going, fingering the boy and whispering slurred praises to his
ear. “Good baby, Doin’ good. Just another. C’mon.” Jensen could feel Jared
clinging to him like a child and loved it. Jared’s own hand finds his cock and
he strokes it quickly to distract from whatever Jensen was doing with his ass.
Jeff and Jensen mutter something that Jared can’t hear past his own breathing
and whines. With his free hand, Jensen drags his pants and underwear down just
enough for Jeff to see the swell of baby boy ass and his two thick fingers
inside of him. It was a sight to see. Nothing like fingers up virgin ass.
Jensen’s fingers keeps digging and thrusting, poking around aimlessly. He finds
what he’s looking for when Jared’s body convulses against him.
“J-Jen!” 
It was too much. Electric shocks up his back, he was sweating like a whore in
church. Felt like one too. Jared is glad with a few more strokes of his hand,
he spills out on Jensen’s shirt. He’s crying, he’s almost fucking crying as he
comes and Jensen wants to lick up his fallen tears. Jared sobs and moans,
sucking on the fabric of Jensen’s sleeve. The singer loves how sensitive his
boy his, can’t help but imagine a hot cock spreading him open.
The fingers don’t slip out right away, Jensen keeps fingering him until he
himself is finished. The man creams his pants like he’s thirteen, purely
getting off on Jared grinding against him and his sweet ass. He’s going to have
to change his pants and underwear before the show but at this moment, he
doesn’t fucking care. He’s got two fingers up Jared’s tiny ass and Jeffery
snarling as he cups his tightening balls.
Jensen finally draws his hand away and Jared nearly slips off his lap in
exhaustion. With wide shocked eyes, Jensen grabs him and settles him down on
the couch gently.
Jared’s just staring in front of him unseeingly. Staring at a lamp somewhere
behind Jeff’s blurry head. His ass ached, his dick was still twitching against
his stomach. He didn’t dare make eye contact with either of them as a sick
dread spread through him.
Jeffrey leans his hands behind him, leaning back as he watches the two in front
of him. His spent cock curling against his thigh. Him and Jensen both chuckle
before Jeffery is pulling a little bag of marijuana out of his pocket and
asking “Want another one?”
Jared wasn’t going to mention this in his journal.
_____
1951
Tears stung Jensen’s green eyes. He wasn’t dealing with this anymore. He wasn’t
going to lay down and take this abuse anymore. Lewis was a horrible manager and
an even more horrible man.  Jensen’s not sure where this courage was coming
from, but he wasn’t going to take it for granted. 
“I-I’m not working for you anymore! I can’t, Lewis. I can’t. I-”

Lewis only laughs at him, mocks him for thinking he can be so bold. “You don’t
understand anything, kid. I own you. You see? Remember that lil’ piece of paper
you signed after you wiped your mouth clean? I own you.”

Fear engulfed him. Couldn’t breathe, couldn’t even look at the man. Was he
right? Was it true? Was that what that paper was? No wonder it sounded so
confusing when he read it. Jensen didn’t understand it. He just wanted to be a
singer. Have crowds cheer him and love him like ol’ Blue Eyes. That’s all he
wanted. Everyone told him being a star was hard, but he wasn’t expecting it was
filled with filth against his ears and mouths full of come.  
This past year was hell. Not only did he not sing that often in front of
people, all he did was pleasure his manager. Used him like a old toy. And
Jensen felt like a broken one now.
Lewis grabs at the shaking boy, grabs his chin and yanks him hard into
understanding. “Everything you do. Every word you sing, every strum of that
beaten guitar, every smile, everything inch of you. I own. You can’t do
anything about, son. It’s law.”
Tears drip down freckled cheeks and Jensen pulls away, slapping the big hand
away and taking trembling steps back. He swallows thickly. “No. No you don’t.
Not anymore.” Jensen says as confidently as he could and backed away from the
man. When Lewis stands up from his desk, Jensen suddenly makes a break for it.
He runs. 
He runs as fast as he can and he doesn’t stop. He flies out of the office, by
people with papers and boxes, tripping over people and his own shoelaces. His
feet carry him out of the stuffy office building, down the street, down the
next street until Jensen can’t run anymore. Legs giving out, knees aching and
lungs burning, he falls into an alley, slides down the grimy brick and cries
into his knees. Thick wet tears staining his pants.
Eventually, he swallows hard and evaluates just what happened. What was he
going to do now? He couldn’t go back. Never Ever. No way. Jensen rather die.
Nervous big green eyes survey the dirty alley as he figures out what to do
next.
No home. No food. No...Nothing. He had to start all over.
Fresh tears fill Jensen’s eyes as he realizes he was an idiot and forgot to
grab his guitar. His dad’s guitar.He was never going to see it again.
“S-Stupid. So Stupid.” He slaps himself in the forehead before hiding his face
in his hands.
 
_____
Tonight was their last night on the road. Tomorrow, they were traveling back to
big grand Los Angeles where Jensen lived. Jared was very excited to see the big
city, Hollywood, and where Jensen lived. He had explained his house the best he
could and it sounded grand. With gilded doors and a pool in the backyard.
Tonight was going to be their night. They were going to pull up to the drive
in, in Jensen’s fancy 1962 Cadillac Coupe De Ville, settle in with popcorn and
drinks and yummy treats. It was something out of Jared’s sweetest dreams and
frankly, he needed it. The past week had been hard with Jensen. He understood,
Jensen was stressed. Maybe this will be a nice night. Jared prayed it would be.
He only hoped that maybe Jensen would be happier at home.
The time came to go. 8 o’clock. Jared spent time on his hair and clothes. It
reminded him of when he was getting ready to see Jensen for the first time.
Even flipped his hair again. He wasn’t overly self confident, but he felt good
tonight. Jensen had bought him his own chelsea boots and Jared was admiring
them in the full length bathroom mirror.
When he comes out of the bathroom, smoothing down his jacket and white button
up shirt, he sees Jensen sitting on the bed with a cigarette hanging out of his
mouth, beer dangling between his legs. He seemed so tired but as he looks to
Jared, He smiles warmly. Jared’s heart flutters like it hasn’t in two weeks.
“You ready?” The man asks, stamping out his cigarette. Jared nods with a
flustered grin as Jensen approaches him. He leans up on tip toes for a quick
kiss.
“You look good.” Jensen compliments when he pulls away and fixes the buttons on
Jared’s shirt.
“You look better.” It almost comes out robotically, so automatic that Jared
couldn’t hold it back. Jensen Snorts and hums a sweet “Naw…”
The were sure to park in the back and out of the way. Jensen was complaining
and worried about people seeing him and pestering him for pictures and
autographs. But he hopes that in the dark of the night with tinted windows,
he’d be hidden.
Jensen parks his car amongst the rest then anxiously looks around as Jared
dives into his buttery popcorn.
They were seeing ‘The Haunting’ tonight and frankly, Jared was a little scared.
He’d never admit it though. Jared wasn’t a little kid. At least he was going to
try to not act like one.
Jared peered out of the windshield at all the other cars. Watched people get
their popcorn and treats. He's never been to a drive in theater and it was
pretty thrilling. The big hazy screen ahead of them was letting off a dull
glow.
Once Jensen was sure that nobody was staring, he puts his arm around Jared’s
slim shoulders, tugging him close. The boy scoots his butt across the seat and
happily takes the invitation. Jensen has his cologne on and it makes his head
spin with love.  He looks up to Jensen’s glowing face. He watches the light
play on his features. He wants so desperately to lean up and kiss him, but he
knew that was way too risky. There were people in their cars right next to him.
Jensen was planning on going with the idea that it’s his son, not lover.
Nonetheless, Jared lets himself nuzzle against Jensen's side. He peeks up when
the dull big screen ahead of them comes to life, playing commercials and
advertisements.
 
Half way through the movie and halfway through Jared’s popcorn, the kid is
hiding his face in Jensen’s sleeve. It makes Jensen chuckle at the boy. So
cute. Jensen manages a hand through Jared’s soft hair, comforting him as a
woman shrieks from the screen.
“You’re not scared are you?”
“Nope.” 
Jensen laughs harder at the lie. Eyes anxiously dart around before he’s leaning
down, pecking the top of Jared’s head. “You’re cute.” He jests and his voice is
like maple syrup, the good name brand stuff. It’s going to give Jared a
toothache if he keeps complimenting him.
Jensen’s hand slinks lower around Jared’s waist and the boy grabs for it. He
peeks out of his hiding spot to smooth his thumbs over Jensen’s big worn
fingers, over the guitar born callouses. The ring he always wears. Jensen
doesn’t seem to notice, watching the horror film with a relaxed look on his
face. It’s been awhile since he’s seen Jensen so calm. Jared just stares,
gawks, awes at the person next to him.
Something was bubbling up his throat. Started in his chest, made him feel light
and airy but he was still choking on it. When Jared opens his mouth to comment
on the movie, something else comes tumbling out.

“I love you.”
It's quiet like a secret and a part of Jared hopes Jensen can't hear it over
the movie. 
Time slowed and Jared couldn’t hear the movie anymore. It was just a white
noise buzzing in his ears as he watches Jensen’s eyebrows raise, watches him
turn his head. They watch each other and Jared’s little love sick heart flies
out the fucking window when Jensen smiles at him. That sweet stage smile.
And Jared did. Good Lord, Jared loved Jensen. More than anything he’s ever had,
he’s everything Jared could ever want. He’s been intoxicated with the man since
day one.
The man leans down, nuzzles against Jared’s puppy bangs, kisses his forehead
and repeats, “I love you.”
***** Chapter Eight *****
Jensen’s home was much grander than Jared could ever dream. White painted
brick, tall marble columns, large windows and a decorated fence around the
property.
Jensen showed him the place. All the bedrooms and bathrooms, the living space
and kitchen fit for the best gourmet cooks. Jared was wide eyed like a kitten
the whole time, mouth parting in awe. “Make yourself at home’ He says with a
relaxed expression and Jared can’t believe his ears. The boy couldn’t wait to
jump into that pool in the backyard.
Pictures and posters of Jensen’s beautiful face hung on the walls in nearly
every room. Album art, records behind glass. Jared loved it. Loved seeing
Jensen with his hair gelled back, those pouty lips and the dreamy eyes at the
camera. He’s learned that Jensen doesn’t always look like that, but he loved it
when he did. Perfection. That was the man he fell in love with.
Jared thought Jensen would be happy to be home, but it didn’t seem like it. He
was still perpetually annoyed, oh so very tired and withdrawn. As they walked
to Jensen’s office, Jared was staring at the frown lines on his face. He wished
he wasn’t so tired all the time. Maybe getting some rest in his own bed would
do him good.
Jared beamed when Jensen opened the door to the spacious office. The man has
shown him the entire house in a few days except for this room. It felt special.
The room was so bright thanks to the large windows, there was a nice desk and a
comfy looking couch on the side. Each one of Jensen’s records hung on the wall.
Jared skips on air to them, hands fumbling as he read each one. ‘Memories’ ‘Be
my girl’ ‘Baby’. They were all here in a shiny gold.
Jensen watched with dark eyes as Jared delicately touched them. It made him
sick for some reason, watching the boy oo and aw over his so called work. But
Jensen let him. He was just a kid after all.
“You really like them that much.” It didn’t sound like a question, just a dark
fact. Jared could see Jensen standing behind him through the reflection of the
glass on the records. A nervous chill ran up his spine but he turns anyway,
meeting Jensen’s eyes.
Jensen just stares at him, mouth a taught line and Jared almost wants to say
‘no, they’re shit’ just to make him happy. Would it make him happy? Who knows.
Jared tries a smile, a little sweet one and nods gently.
“You must have worked so hard on them. Each and every one.” Jared compliments
and glances back to the gold records. Sour vile settles in Jensen’s expression
that Jared can almost taste it.
“They’re not that great. Jim made me put them up. Accomplishments, he said.”
Jared nods, agreeing with that. “They are! You should-” but he pauses as he
watches Jensen glide across the room, pick up Jared’s favorite album of his off
the wall and look at it. The man stares down into it, stares at his own tired
reflection. Disgusting. That’s all he saw. Disgusting music, disgusting life,
disgusting face.
Jared wants to reach out, stroke his arm or grab his hand or something, to
comfort him. Jensen looked so upset. Why? He shouldn’t have a care in the
world. He was rich and gorgeous, could have anyone or anything he wanted.
“This one your favorite, huh?” Jensen asks and Jared peeks up on his, reads the
title and nods.
“Yeah! Baby is- h-Hey! What are you-?”
In an instance and to Jared’s horror, Jensen slams the record to the ground.
The glass shatters across the floor, the frame breaks and if that wasn’t
enough, Jensen stomps his foot on the record, easily snapping it into three
uneven pieces.
Jared can’t believe it. He watches, mouth wide open and he just stares at the
man. Jensen looks far away, eyes dark and hooded and not Jensen at all. When
Jensen reaches for the next one, Jared’s arms sling out quickly, grabbing at
Jensen’s sleeve to stop him.
Jared’s heart was in pieces like the record on the floor.
His hazel eyes get big as Jensen pushes, shoves at him so harshly, pointed
elbow in his face, that the boy fell to the desk behind him. Papers and a book
clatter to the floor, Jared pushes his bangs out of his face to see Jensen
glaring at him. He suddenly look like a wolf. Narrow eyes, a crooked snarl.
Nothing but disgust. It makes Jared’s knees tremble with fear. He feels small
in all the wrong ways.
Jensen breaks the silence with a hand through his hair and a snort. Green eyes
tear away and Jared feels like he can finally breathe again. He's never seen
Jensen look so scary. Shook him to the bone.
Jensen wipes his nose on his sleeve, turns away and calls the maid. Jensen
barks the name. In a few quiet moments, She brushes past them, sees the mess
and doesn't look at either of them while she cleaned. Jared could see bruises
on her arms and neck. He doesn't bring it up, doesn't want to know where they
came from. But Jensen’s name rattles in his empty mind. It's hard not to as he
watches the wolf pour himself some scotch from a cabinet.
***** Chapter Nine *****
There's a desk corner sized bruise on Jared’s back that formed in a few days.
He doesn't notice it until he’s naked on Jensen’s king sized bed. Jensen thumbs
over it, Jared winces at the slight pain and neither of them say anything.
His Hands fisted in the golden brown sheets, head on a pillow and three fingers
up his ass. Jensen’s on his knees on the floor as he works. It feels
embarrassing having Jensen's face this close to such an intimate area. The man
was just staring at his stretched pink hole, watching his three fingers thrust
into him. Jared finally closes his eyes and focuses on the pleasure. It did
feel good. His dick hanging hard between his thighs. Untouched and red and
aching for touch. Each time Jared’s hand slips down there, Jensen slaps his
hand away. No touching. It felt like a game. A very unfair game.
His knees were starting to hurt in his submissive pose. Head down, ass up.
Jared’s eyes flutter open when cold air touches his insides. He glances up over
his shoulder to see Jensen moving. The man leans over him, gingerly kisses the
side of Jared’s mouth that makes Jared’s toes curl. So sweet. But the wolfish
grin was still there, making Jared feel like a little lamb.
“Baby, you know what I wanna do?”
Jared pauses, his mind rushing to one thought. But he plays coy, shrugs his
shoulder and Jensen replies. “Really wanna fuck this tight hole.”
Something sick and scared twists in his stomach. Quickly, Jared flips over onto
his back. Knees shut, hands shyly cupping his erection. By the time Jared
squeaks out a scared “What?”, Jensen’s undoing his belt.
Their eyes meet. Jensen's eyes are so dilated and dark. He looked empty,
shallow like a motel kiddy pool. Jensen repeats. “I'm gonna fuck you. You gonna
let me, baby?”
Jensen's hand spreads Jared's knobby knees and pins one to the bed. The boy
struggles against him, but soon stops, letting Jensen take and take. And Jensen
does.
Knees hit the bed, making Jared shiver. Excitement? Fear? The boy couldn't
tell. It sat low and heavy in his belly.
Jensen tugs Jared closer, settling his long legs over his waist and Jared can
only whine. The man could see Jared’s fear on his face. It only made him
harder. Blushing Kitten, Big virgin eyes staring up at him. Oh- This was too
good. Everything Jensen could ever want wrapped up in messy bangs and knocking
knees.
“You love me, right?” Jensen asks quietly. Like a secret, Iike a prayer.
Jared's heart sinks and soars at the same time. That tingly love sick puppy
love blooms in his chest. Jared eats it up with a silver spoon. Of course Jared
loved him, they did love each other. This was fact.
“Of course.” Jared says sincerely and loves the smile he gets from Jensen.
“Say it.”
“....I love you.”
Jensen seems to purr and that sweet smile stays. Damn, he has this little boy
wrapped around his finger. Jensen loved the control, the love, the power over
him. Better than any cocain high. He could do anything with Jared. All because
of one little word. His thoughts wander to that sinful dark place in his skull.
There was just something so addicting about Jared's innocence. Jensen was more
than ready to destroy Jared in every way. Ruin him, taint him just like Jensen
was himself.
Jared flinches when more cold lubricant touches his hole, grunts through
gritted teeth when he's stuffed full of fingers again. Jared couldn't tell how
many, but it burned. “Mmmnn-!”
The fingers leave, making Jared feel empty and cold. When they return, Jared's
breath hiccups and catches in his throat. This was much bigger than any
fingers. The ache was bigger. Hotter. Jared stared wide eyed at the man then
twitching close once Jensen speaks.
“Shh. Shh. Baby. Take a deep breath. You got this.”
Jensen’s hand is right by Jared's head and he was shaking just as much as the
boy below him. Jensen let out a low animal sound as his cock sunk into the
tight heat of his ass. He had prepped him, but it wasn't enough. Jared's milky
thighs shake horribly and he can't breathe. Too much too much. Jared wanted to
cry at the overwhelming feeling inside of him.
“Jen- Jensen, I c-can't “
Jensen hushes him with a deep kiss. Teeth clanking, tongue down his throat. The
boy can't kiss him back, Jensen doesn't care. Jared pulls away for much needed
air and he just gasps like he's drowning. Jensen wishes he had a camera to
remember this moment. Jared's first ass fuck.
Jensen doesn't stop until he's balls deep in the kid. Skin to skin, Jared
absolutely shaking under him. It was too good. Wanted to just stay here forever
wrapped in tight heat and baby tears.
Jared couldn't stop the whining, couldn't stop the little tears welling up in
his eyes. Jensen’s cock felt way bigger than three fingers. It'll get better,
he thinks. This is what Jensen wanted. This is what lovers do. And oh, Jared
loved Jensen.
“God, baby that's it.” Jensen sings, rolling his head back, mouth open in
another groan. Jared's legs close protectively, but Jensen opens them, forces
them apart. Ripping butterfly wings apart for fun. “It'll help” he says, and
the boy only nods. It's all he can do. He loves him. He loves him.
It burns as Jensen moves. In and out, like his fingers but not like his
fingers. Short and brutal, Jared's seeing stars and exclamation points behind
his eyelids. The man is praising him like he's kneeling at a cross. Reverent
and passionate. The slow drag makes a fire in his belly, scorching him from
head to toe and all he can muster up is “more please”
Jared opens his eyes to see Jensen staring at him like a wolf. He has to look
away, looks to the mirror on the wall. He watches Jensen's hips move in the
reflection, watches as his leg bends up to his chest. “Fuck, Jared.”
Jared holds onto the sheets as the bed rocks under them. The boy seems to
recoil in a protective shell. Head down, bangs in his eyes, nuzzling against
his own shoulder. It annoys Jensen and he grabs Jared's dimpled chin.
“Say it again.”
Jared squeaks like mouse in a trap.
“L-Love you, Jensen.”
Jensen’s eyes roll back in his skull at the words. He loved him. He loved him.
It was the only thing that made sense and Jared was holding onto it
desperately. The boy felt like he was on a ship sailing the seas. His stomach
hurt, he rocked and pulled like waves. When Jensen's hand grabs at his cock, he
crashes on land. “Jen, Jensen!”
Jensen gives a predatory smile, hungry lips and tongue across his fangs.
Jared fucks into the fist, rocking back and forth on Jensen's big dick. He gets
more praise. “Pretty Jared, just like that” Jared can feel his orgasam chasing.
He knows once he comes, the race is over and they can stop.
The thrusts get brutal and with a tight squeeze, Jared suddenly creams Jensen's
hand unceremoniously. Quick and fast, his ass rim fluttering around Jensen's
cock. Jared watches through slanted eyes as Jensen cleans Jared's stomach with
a tissue. But he doesn't stop, oh no. The thrusts become erratic and crazy,
then he's pulling out, cock in hand, tissue over his head. The man knew he
wouldn’t last long, but it was okay. After this, Jensen could fuck the boy any
time he wanted. There was no rush.
Jared watches Jensen arch his back and tilt his head back with such grace and
beauty, Jared can only watch in awe. He was beautiful and he loved him. This is
what lovers do. It was a Privilege. An honor.
Jensen crashes to the bed next to the boy. Arm covering his face. The lay there
silently. Jared counts the ceiling tiles before daring to peek over at Jensen.
He couldn't ignore the empty burn feeling in his ass. His hand slithers down,
delicately touching his abused hole and shivers. He feels too empty, too big.
Jared could barely understand that Jensen ackles cock was inside of him. It was
all so quick and then it was over. Did this really happen? What was there to
say? He almost wants to thank him. Thank him for loving him and choosing him.
Suddenly, Jensen was grabbing at him, cuddling him close and Jared let's out a
happy sigh as he settles on Jensen's chest. “Love you.” He murmurs and from
under Jensen's arm, he could see a happy smile.
Jared would kill to see Jensen smile like that all the time.
***** Chapter Ten *****
“The fuck is that supposed to mean? Yeah yeah I'm sure. You know what? You can
go fuck yourself. I'm done.”
Jensen slams the phone down on the receiver, then slides the whole phone off
his desk and onto the ground with a crash. He slaps his desk chair, knocks
paperweights off. When he turns, he sees his reflection in a mirror. Jensen can
almost see his hair standing on end like a cat. A snarl, a sneer, he’s turning
away from his reflection and grabs his whiskey. Doesn’t bother with a glass,
just shoots it from the bottle and slams the half empty glass to his desk.
His hands are shaking. Twitching, jerking, his heart is racing. Can’t handle
it, not any more. Good Lord, he was dying.
Take it take, take it. It’s right there. Just there, Right there.
Jensen was sure he was hearing that sick voice coming from his desk.
With a shaky sigh, Jensen opens up his desk drawer and stares at the little
baggy neatly tucked behind a journal. He swears it’s staring up at him with
sharp teeth. He lets out another sigh, shaky like he was running a mile but he
was stuck still, just staring.
He grabs it, slaps it on his desk. The sound seems to echo in the room.
Just a little, just to take the edge off. That’s it. Then he’ll throw the
fucking thing away.
Jensen takes hold of the bag again with trembling fingers. He opens it and the
door to his office creaks wide open like flood gates.
“Jen! Look what’s playing at the theater.”
Jared comes into the room, dancing on daisies and with a too big newspaper in
his hand. Jensen quickly bats the bag onto the floor to hide it but the white
power falling all over his carpet. Jared’s still speaking, but the man doesn’t
hear him. Jensen’s eyes are staring at the waste.
“What the fuck did I say about coming into my office unannounced?” Jensen’s
almost yelling, Jared gets those big fucking doe eyes and the paper crinkles in
his fists.
Jared full body flinches away as he watches Jensen hit the bottle of whiskey to
the ground. It’s not enough to make it break, but the sound rattles into
Jared’s bones.
“I’m sorry! I just thought we could-”
“You thought what? Look at what you fucking did. Ruining my carpets.”
Jared takes a step back to the door, but suddenly Jensen in his space, crowding
him. Fear runs through him as the man towers over him. The newspaper limply
falls to the floor. It make Jensen yell again.
Jared scoops to pick it up and when he comes back up, He meets Jensen’s fist
square in the jaw.
“I didn’t do anything! You- Hhhn-!”
His hand flies up to his pounding face, the newspaper once again falling from
his hand and Jared can only stare up at Jensen’s dark, terrifying face. Pain
floods him. Sparkles and tears well in his eyes and he steps back again, away
from Jensen.
Jensen’s shoulders are heaving, his eyes wide and crazy looking. It’s too late
when he discovers what he did. “Oh baby, don’t look at me like that” He says,
but Jared is already running out of the room, mopping up his bloody nose with
his hand.
Jared stops running when he hits the kitchen. His hands are shaking, he’s
dripping blood onto the tile and he can only hear Jensen’s cruel tone and words
in his head. They were already yelling at him for making a mess.
He caught him off guard. He knew that. That’s all it was. Jensen didn’t like
Jared in his office too much. Again, he knew that. Jared was breaking rules, of
course Jensen was mad. That’s where Jensen worked. Wrote songs there, took
calls.
With a loud sniff, he wipes his nose on his sleeve, frowns at the blood smear.
His fault, absolutely his fault.
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