Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/7765723.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Hetalia:_Axis_Powers
  Relationship:
      Canada/Prussia_(Hetalia)
  Character:
      Canada_(Hetalia:_Axis_Powers), Prussia_(Hetalia:_Axis_Powers), France_
      (Hetalia:_Axis_Powers), America_(Hetalia:_Axis_Powers)
  Additional Tags:
      Cutting, Implied/Referenced_Suicide, Bullying, Implied/Referenced
      Cheating, Homophobia, Alfred_is_a_jerk, I'm_Bad_At_Summaries, Eventual
      Smut, maybe_a_tiny_bit_of_swearing
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-08-14 Updated: 2016-08-16 Chapters: 2/? Words: 7803
****** I Don't Want to be Invisible ******
by Mapleicecream
Summary
     Matthew is tired of being invisible. He is putting his life on the
     line, on the off chance the popular boy in school will agree to go to
     prom with him. Little does he know that boy has seen him for a long
     time.
Notes
See the end of the work for notes
***** The fact that you're alive is a miracle! *****
Matthew's P.O.V:
Yesterday school was terrible, just like every day. I don't have friends; even
if I did they probably would ditch me within a day. I'm invisible to everyone
and when people do notice me it's only because they've mistaken me for my
brother and want to beat him up or because they're my everyday bully squad.
I probably deserve it for being gay. Everyone who I've ever told has said it's
bad to be gay and that I should go die, other than Papa and Arthur. The only
other people that know are my brother, Alfred, Ivan, and Roderick. They use to
be my friends until one day we were at a sleepover at Ivan’s house, they asked
me who I liked during a childish game of truth or dare.
Gilbert Beilschmidt. Why must I have uttered those two words? It really wasn't
worth it. The albino enchanted me, he’s so happy, and that smirk that he always
wears on his face; but most of all, his eyes.
His eyes are strange, somewhat outlandish. They are red, like ruby-red,
definitely not blood-red, not scary… they were very strange. mesmerizing to
look into with the glint of confidence in them that gave you an honest-to-god
feeling that everything was okay.
I bet he doesn't even like guys though, especially not a guy like me. Weak,
wimpy, scrawny, short, a cry baby, there is nothing to like. I just wished
someone would notice me.
I bet life would just be better if I was gone. I don't think anyone would
notice if I disappeared, if I were to just not show up at school once, and once
would become twice, which would become a month, then forever.
Papa would be too busy to notice my absence, I don't blame him though. He works
hard to keep a roof over our heads and it would be rude if I asked any more
from him.
Today I'm going to ask Gilbert if he'll go to the dance with me. It’s on
Friday. He probably has girls lined up waiting to ask him out. If he says no
I'm going to do it, just cut a little deeper than usual a little more than I
would normally do. Not because he said no, because I know that's the universe's
way of saying 'You're not supposed to be happy'. That’s my sign.
I know papa will be easier off because he won't have to buy for food for two
anymore just for himself and he can get a smaller apartment. He won't have to
worry about me anymore, not that I ever wanted him to worry for me.
I got to school a little late today, probably in my best interest anyway. I got
to avoid getting beat up but that just means my beating at lunch will be worse,
not that it matters the pain has dulled away, I can't really feel it any more.
I have my first class with Gilbert so I think I'll ask him after class. I hope
he can see me and doesn't think I'm a ghost.
I don't want to be invisible!
Class has started I'd figure I would ask Gilbert after class. I'm kind of
nervous he is one of the most popular kids in school and there's a really good
chance he will say no. I am putting my life on this so I should be a bit
nervous, but why should I live if no one cares if I'm here or not. I'm
certainly not enjoying my life as is.
As much as I'd love to stay on this hell they call Earth, I'd rather go into
the bleak darkness where life is no more. No more bullies no, more rudeness no
more life as living hell. I'm shy, worthless... nothing. My existence doesn't
matter anymore. I don't believe in a god anymore unless they're heartless and
cruel. I guess if there was they would want to punish me for lik-LOVING
Gilbert. I'm not obsessed or infatuated with him but I know I'm in love with
him and if I could control who I love, I would. It's 9:45 now so I have one
more minute till class ends, signaling my probable demise.
...3
...2
...1 DING!
I started to pack up and noticed everyone had left except Gilbert and of course
the teacher. He went to walk out and I grabbed his bag. "Wait! Gil-Gilbert... I
was wondering if you w-w-would like to go to the d-dance with me o-on F-
Friday?" Then I look down and cover the back of my head waiting to feel the
kick or the punch I was expecting to get. I looked up at him all I saw was
shock.
My eyes started to water, I knew this was the end. How could I even think he'd
say yes? I started to walk out of the classroom my head down. Someone grabbed
my wrist and I gasped Letting out a small yelp of pain. I know my cuts just
reopened. I keep some bandages in my backpack. Then it came as music to my ears
"Of course I'll go with you!" I looked up just as he winked and did finger guns
at me. He had an actual smile on his face not his usual smirk. I let out a sob
and fell to my knees.
 
Gilbert's P.O.V:
I was really hoping this would happen, the constant staring at him during
class. He's so cute and I'm so glad he asked! Do you know how many girls I've
turned down for this kid? More than fifteen, but it's all worth it in the end I
guess right? I was trying to find the right time to ask him, but I wanted it to
be dramatic, ya’know like one of the promposals that goes down in the yearbook
cause it’s just that amazing.
Matthew looks kinda lonely and lost during lunch, and we live near each other
and I see him walk home. I’ve wanted to go and hug him, for years now I just
never had the courage to do it. No matter how awesome I know I am. I honestly
could barely stand to see his face sad any longer, so from now on he will
always be happy, never sad because I will always be with him now.
I got down on my knees and hugged him, running my fingers through his soft
hair; it reminded me of Gilbird's soft feathers. "Hey Matt I know it's exciting
that my awesomeness said yes, but that is no reason to cry."What he said back
came as a surprise to me. "I'm crying because I don't have to die now." Don't
have to die? What? Who ever said the kid had to--?
I heard a gasp and seen his eyes widen. I guess he surprised himself too.
"Wh-what do you mean don't have to die?" Did I just stutter? The awesome me
never stutters. Oh mein Gott what is this kid doing to me?
"It's n-nothing really I-I-I just I meant I W-was… I…." He looked like he was
going to cry again really, I can tell because my awesomeness can read emotions
because I'm awesome duh! "You were what little bird?"
"I was g-go-going to k-k-k-k" What was he going to do the awesome me wants to
know but he's just a stuttering mess spit it out kid. "Spit it out kid!" Damn
that wasn't supposed to come out!
He backed away out of my grip "I-I don't have t-too k-kill myself a-a-an-any-
anymore" …WHAT!? What does he mean doesn't have to kill himself anymore?!
He started to sob. Hard.
"No, Mattie, Birdie please don't cry!" I crouched down beside him and hugged
him softly. "I'm sorry, you just made me worried and I wanted to know what you
were going to say."
inside I felt like I was dying myself. Why would he ever want to kill himself.
Why did he pick me of all people to decided whether he was going to live or die
the worst loneliest death ever?
what if I went to the dance with Elizaveta instead of him he just would go and
die? I squeezed him a bit tighter. He sobbed into my shoulder.
I was still kinda in shock but I blurted out, "Birdie, you wanna skip the rest
of today? We can go and get some ice cream together, common! It will be
awesome, well not as awesome as me, but still pretty awesome!" I felt him nod
against me and held onto me tighter.
He didn't move though, woe woe woe I am not carrying him I am way too awesome.
But he still didn't move. Fine only because he's light like mien little bird.
I slowly lifted him and he wrapped his legs around my waist. He was still
sniffling and had his face buried in my shoulder. As I started to walk down to
the forest area that leads out of our school the bell rung startling Matt but
he kept his head down against my shoulder
"Where do you want to go after we get ice cream?" I asked quietly, trying not
to startle him. "Home please?" He looked up at me and smiled he had stopped
crying and had the cutest smile ever, and I had never seen it till now and it
gave me a warm feeling in my stomach to know I was the one to cause that smile.
Matthew's P.O.V:
I rested my head on Gil's shoulder, wrapping my legs tighter around his waist.
I was safe for now, as long as I didn't go back to school today. I knew
tomorrow that I would get a worse punishment from Alfred and the others, but
having one day without pain would be worth it.
If Papa is home today, I'm going to tell him all about my day. If he hears me,
I think he might be proud, but I'm not going to get my hopes up. He's probably
busy with work; I don't blame him, he works hard.
I was so caught up in thought, I didn't even hear the chime of the bell when we
walked into the ice cream shop. I did, however, feel the cold air on my skin
and the smell of sugary ice cream cones.
"HEY! Tony, long time no see!" Gil said, in a pretty excited tone.
"Hola mi amigo! It has been a long time, Gil; nice to see you! Shouldn't you be
in school?" said a familiar voice.
Gil went to set me down, but I ended up falling on the floor on my butt. It
wasn't a big deal; I just got back up and sat on the chair closest to me. I
took off my backpack and pulled out some money I had gotten from Papa to buy
lunch. I never bought my lunch before; Alfred would take it, but that was okay
with me. I am not normally hungry, but ice cream was an exception; I could eat
ice cream forever and never get tired of it. I looked up to see Antonio, one of
my Papa's friends.
"Nah, I'm hanging out with Birdie today!" He pointed to me and Antonio waved
flamboyantly.
"Hi Matthew; how's your papaíto? I haven't talked to Francis in a while either.
Have you Gil-Gil?"
"W-wait 'Francy-pants' is your dad?" Gil yelled. I couldn't tell if he was mad
or excited. My assumption is that he hates me now.
I ducked down under the chair and curled up into my Jacket. I looked down at my
wrist and noticed the wounds that were opened earlier crusty dried blood
circled my wrist like a crusty blood bracelet. I heared the chair I was under
move and I felt myself being embraced in a hug. I jumped and stiffened up,
peeking out of my sweater only to have soft white hair fall against my face and
tickle my nose.
I closed my eyes and took a shaky breath. I felt what I assumed to be Gilbert's
hair streak across my eyelashes . Two hands cupped my face, and I felt my ears
heat up. A cold thumb brushed against my cheek. I opened my eyes to see Gil's
amazing red irises, and I must have blushed ten times brighter than I already
was.
He closed his eyes and I felt his lips against mine. I closed my eyes too and
kissed back. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me
until I broke the kiss It was short but it felt so long. He smirked and ran his
hands through my hair. "That cheered you up ~now didn't it~?" He said in a
sing-song tone. I blushed and practically melted in his arms, nodding. I
probably looked like an idiot, with my mouth hanging open and whatnot.
"So, let's go get that ice cream we were going to get," he whispered. He winked
and helped me up, and I walked back up to the counter. I wanted: vanilla mixed
with maple syrup. I thanked Antonio, and he insisted that we didn't need to pay
for it. I slipped five dollars into the tip cup anyway. Gilbert we walked out
the door eating our ice cream.
"Birrdiieeeeeee!" He whined "Where is your house? I hope it's not far." I
chuckled at his whining and though aboout kissing his cheek but decided against
it. "It's not to far; about two blocks from here; it should take like five
minutes," I mumbled and licked my ice cream. Gil looked over at me and smirked
deviously. His eyes were clouded over, and he continued to stare at me. It was
actually making me nervous... did I have something on my face...? I wiped my
nose and he blinked.
"That's my house." I pointed at it. He grabbed my hand and pulled me towards my
house. I ended up dropping my ice cream on the floor, but I was almost finished
with it anyways. I opened my door and brought Gil in.
He smirked wide and cornered me against the wall as he kissed me. It was
amazingly soft, and passionate. Not that I could tell a good kiss from a bad
kiss, but It seemed amazing. He broke away and hugged me tight. "It's cute how
innocent you are." he snickered. "We'll see how long that lasts." My entire
face turned red. What is that supposed to mean?
I lead Gil to my room. It seemed strange walking up the stairs with someone
next to me. We went into my room and I grabbed my old CD player and a few Cd's
"Do you want to listen to some music Gil? I have some Cd's" I showed him the
ones I had a few ones in French some in English a couple German and two in
Dutch. I really liked learning different languages the were all so interesting.
"Hey Mattie" he purred as he came closer to me, which made be blush. "Ich liebe
dich~" He whispered in my ear and nibbled on it. I gasped and almost moaned,
but luckily I stopped myself. "H-hey Gil-Gil c-can I ask you something...
please don't be mad" I pleaded.
"Vat is it Birdie?" I noticed his accent showed a bit more.
"C-can we s-slow down just a little... ya know I'm j-j-just not use to the
attention a-and k-kissing is okay and stuff i-it’s just--" I just couldn't stop
stuttering could I?!
"D'aww Birdie see what I mean? You're so innocent is really cute! I didn’t mean
to make you uncomfortable I just have more experience. I figured someone that
looks like you would have as well." he made this really strange noise that
almost sounded like a squeal..
The room felt kind of awkward so I just asked if he wanted music or not. " How
about ze Britney spears one?I She's hot and she has a nice voice!"
"O-okay." I slipped in the disk and it started playing "I'm going to go t-to
the bathroom I'll... I'll be back in a sec"
I gained composure and stopped stuttering and quickly walked to the bathroom. I
closed the door and splashed cold water on my face 'Ich liebe dich, Ich liebe
dich, he doesn't really mean that don't get your hopes up Matt' I thought. I
knew I shouldn't be thinking that but I honestly couldn't help it. I just don't
want to get my hopes up just to have my heart utterly and completely pummeled.
I'd just never really think me Matt would be in this position. I washed the
dried blood off my wrist and cover my cuts with new bandages.
There was a knock on the door "Mattie are you okay in there? You've been in
there for like thirty minutes."
Already! "Yeah" I opened the door after turning off the faucet "I'm fine, sorry
for worrying you Gil"
"Mattie?" he walked after me as I walk to my room and started to massage my
shoulders, I rolled them "You need to calm down, you're so tense all the time
it's not good for you." I felt myself relax a little.
Gil sat on the bed pulling me down with him . I sighed happily and started
drifting into my own little dream land. I felt Gil move us to a lying position
and I rested my head against his shoulder and he wrapped his arms around me and
pulled me closer.
Then everything went dark and I had a peaceful rest, finally.
It had been a while since I had such a long peaceful rest. Well a few years, I
think. It was a long rest that I didn't want to wake up from. But than again
who wants to wake up anyway. I always knew one thing, I wasn't a morning
person. In fact I was anything but a morning person. I hated waking up to the
feeling of messy hair and teeth needing to be brushed. I also never wanted to
get out of my warm bed; my safe haven. My bed was a place I knew I could never
be judged or even ignored. And today, today my bed was warmer than usual, which
made it even harder to leave. I closed my eyes and pushed my body against the
source of the warmness. I knew it wasn't a dream then. It wasn't a dream my
stupid pathetic mind made up. This meant more to me then it would to most, It
meant that I now had a life a something keeping me alive. A source of energy so
powerful that I could feed off of the happiness and Excitement and joy that it
always gave off. It sounds cruel the way I say it, but it's not meant to be. I
closed my eyes again and tried to drift off to sleep again to no avail. I could
feel Gil moving and I hoped he wouldn't wake up. I just wanted to stay like
this all day long. I pretend I was asleep so that maybe if I stay really still
and take deep breaths and make it seem like I'm really sleeping he won't move.
I learned when I was younger that I was really bad at fake sleeping. Whenever
Papa would come by to check if I were sleeping and I would pretend to be asleep
but He'd always catch me. I felt Gil Lean over me and look at my face. "You
awake Birdie?" He whispered. I said nothing but accidentally blinked. I didn't
even know it was possible to blink with your eyes closed, but I guess it is
possible. "Common, I know you are little bird." He seemingly yelled. I know he
didn't but everything seems louder than it is in the morning. I rubbed my eyes
with my fists and the opened them. I looked into his eyes aging the looked the
same as they always did. Ruby red, Beautiful really. They still had that glint
in them to in them too. The one that really made me feel that everything would
be okay.
Gilbert had gotten grounded for sleeping over at my house; he forgot to tell
his father where he was. Since the dance was coming up his dad only grounded
him for a day. I didn't go to school the day Gilbert slept over. We both stayed
in bed cuddling and learning about each other. I learned that he had a younger
brother named Ludwig and his brother is dating Fili who is in my 5th period
math class.
Today Gilbert and I were going to the mall to buy our outfits for the dance ..
tomorrow. WOW! Time flies when you don't have to worry about getting beat up
every day by your older half-brother and two ex friends. That's another thing,
Gil protects me from them he's really determined to make sure I don't get hurt.
Although all this amazing stuff in my life has happened, I still cut. I'm still
depressed. I may get through it, but this is the first time I've felt confident
about it. It doesn't make my bad habits just disappear though. Just like any
habit you can't just stop. It takes effort, time, strength, and willpower. Not
to mention you have to deal with relapsing, urges, and withdrawal symptoms.
I got dressed.
Gil said he was on his way to my house about ten minutes ago, so he should be
here soon, we're riding on his motorcycle which sounds scary. I hope he's not a
dangerous driver, because popping a wheelie going seventy-five miles an hour is
not something I look forward to in life.
Message: ~Gil~ 4:37PM
im outside Lil qt
Sent: Me 4:37PM
Okay, I'll be out in a second, I'm just grabbing my wallet.
I grabbed my wallet and ran to the door but calmly walked out it not wanting to
look too excited although this was something very exciting.. at least to me.
"Hey Gil."
"Hey Birdie!" He took off his skull helmet and gave me a peck on the lips, then
handed me his extra helmet which matched his accept it had a pink bow on it.
I didn't comment on it but I could hear him snickering, I wrapped my arms
around his abdomen trying not to put my hands low but he pushed them to his
waist and started the bike.
The ride to the mall wasn't far, it was about ten minutes away. Surprisingly
Gil is a good driver. We parked at men's Macy's and walked in.
"You should wear a dress" Gil said laughing
I looked down. Was he embarrassed to go with me as a guy? Why else would he
want me to wear a dress? 'See I told you not to get your hopes up Matt! Why
would he ever love you? You're a faggot.' The voice inside my head was very
mean to me.
"I have to go to the bathroom I'll be right back." I said as calmly as I could.
"Okay I'll wait outside for you then we can shop together" He walked behind me
as I Walked towards the restroom.
Urge, relapse. I took out my wallet and pulled out a shiny new blade. I rolled
up my sleeve and quickly slid it across the inside of my wrist several times
starting to relax. I got the job done as quickly as possible and wrapped paper
towels around my thin white wrists. The candy apple red color quickly soaked
through. I rinsed my blade and pushed it back into my wallet. I wrapped my arm
is one more layer of paper towels and pushed my sleeve down,
I calmly, happily walked out of the bathroom and walked up to Gil.
"Just so you know I was kidding earlier. Boys in suits are more my style!" He
winked and I just giggled.
We were about halfway through shopping when Gil whispered "The blood is soaking
though you jacket babe." I jumped a little "Why don't we go to Hot Topic and
I'll buy you another jacket and maybe some other new clothes."
I nodded.
That was thoughtful, he wasn't mad, that couldn't have gone better..I hate
myself.
We walked into Hot Topic, he held my hand and smiled down at me." I love you
Gil" I spoke softly
"Ich liebe dich auch!" He said loud enough that I could hear him over the loud
music playing in the store. He gave me some clothes to try on. I was really
happy he didn't get mad at me, even though I was mad at myself. In all honesty
I didn't care much for other clothes as long as I had a black or red jacket so
people didn't see the blood seep through. I went into the dressing room and
carefully pulled off my jacket and put on a black one. I figured I'd keep this
new one on and just take the tag off to pay at the register. I know that Gil
want's to do a nice thing by paying for my clothes but I don't expect him to,
It kind of makes me feel like a burden but if that's what he wants to do then
maybe it would be more of a burden if I made him let me pay..?
I took off my pants and put on a pair of black ripped jeans that Gil picked
out. I honestly wouldn't have picked these out for myself. The problem is I'm
really skinny, which is weird because I eat a lot of Maple syrup. I also eat a
lot of sweets like ice cream and candy. I even worked out but I still was an XS
(extra small) I kinda look anorexic honestly, it's gross.
I came out of the small room shyly. and looked around the corner and waved to
Gil to come here. "Damn Matt You look good!"
"T-thank y-y-you" I stuttered which was unsurprising to me.
I looked over and saw an unmistakable cowlick, It was my brother Alfred...
My first thought being 'FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCKINGSHIT!' yep because I'm
going to get beaten up right in front of Gil and look super weak and he will
hate me because I am a coward.
Alfred is technically my half-brother. He doesn't live with us, he lives with
our mother Elaine. We have the same mother but Elaine cheated on Papa with a
man named Arthur and he impregnated her; Soon out popped my brother Alfred. He
was one year older than me, and we NEVER got along.
Papa and Arthur started going out after Alfred was born after I was already
conceived and was to be born in front of my proud Papa eight and a half months
later. See Arthur and Papa had no hard feelings, neither knew that Elaine was
with the other, and neither loved her. After I was born my mother found out
about my father's relations with Arthur she started to hate gay people, and
taught Alfred to do the same. So here I was with my boyfriend, my brother on
the other side of the store, and I was shaking like a leaf. I turned toward the
dressing room and pulled the hood over my head.
I made eye contact with Gil, my eyes pleaded him to follow me and I think he
understood, but with no context I could tell he was confused. I walked towards
the dressing room and he follows. I close the door and explain " um uh Gil my
brother is out there and I think he's going to try to kill me.. like
literally!" I looked panicked
He smirked.
He had an idea? Maybe?
"Awe is the wittle bird scared?" he tease. This is not the time, I wish he
understood.
Maybe this was their plan all along and he made a deal with my brother... Maybe
they are really going to kill me or beat me till I passed out... I panicked and
started to hyperventilate. I tried to remember to take deep breaths slowly.
Maybe I could find safety near the checkout stand so that I was near a cashier.
If I could be invisible enough I could even hide under the checkout stand I
bet.
Without thinking it through much, I ran out of the room and hid behind the desk
in the front. I saw Alfred trying on some beanies and Gilbert looking at me
very confused from the changing room entrance.
To my surprise I heard someone start speaking to me. "Can I help you?" a
cashier asked as he turned around and bending down slowly. I was obviously in a
distressed state. He crept closer to me I could no longer see Gilbert as the
man was blocking my view.
"Take a few deep breaths" he spoke softly but loud enough for me to hear him.
He had several ear piercings and snake bites as well as a tongue piercing. His
black shaggy hair hung in his face a. This helped me calm down a little because
he did not seem like the type of person to know my brother and I that made me
feel a safeness in his presents.
After about 30 seconds I had calmed down. I thanked him and felt confident
enough to give him a half hug. " Thank you sir, Will you please ring my items
up, I just want to sit under the counter for a while." I said quietly
He nodded and I pulled off the tags and handed them to him. I pulled out my
wallet but Gil had played by the time I got mine out.
My brother notice Gilbert but definitely not me. It didn't bother me though, I
was actually very okay with it.
"Hey swag fag, word around school is you've been hanging around with that nerd
Matthew."
"Why do you care? Jealous?" Gilbert shot back
"Eww stop being stupid, nobody would ever want to be with him! Besides he’s my
brother" It hurt me more to hear him to hear him say that now even though he
pretty much said it to me every day.
"Well everything you heard is true," Gilbert smirked "Run along now, and don't
let you friend see you, you know if word gets out that you shop here, you won't
have many friends left now will you football boy."
I would never wish my brother be in my shoes no matter what he does or did do
to me, I would never want him to feel the loneliness that I've been though. Of
course I've always had Papa but he's always busy at work.
Alfred was very frustrated at this point. He went to swing at Gil but it barely
missed as Gil stepped back. This turned Alfred's attention towards me.
I was nervous. I hid as best I could, but it was a bit too late for hiding.
Alfred looked at me with mixed emotions none of them seemed to be good though.
Angry, sad, mad, like he wanted to kill me. He seemed to be analyzing and
processing each thought carefully which scared me because I had never seen him
think before he acted.
"Is it true?" Alfred mumbled venomously
"I-is what true?" I questioned like I didn't hear the conversation before.
"Are you dating him?" He gestured towards Gilbert. I looked up at Gilbert who
seemed to be looking at me for an answer. "Y-yes" I said quietly
"What was that , I couldn't hear you over thiS GAY ASS MUSIC!" Now, my brother
has never been one to talk things out mind you. I think this is more than I've
ever talked to him before in one day.
"I said yes Alfred, YES." I don't know what must have possessed me to yell at
him but all of a sudden I felt two hands grab my shoulders. The last thing I
saw before I felt a sharp pain in my abdomen and let out a loud pained cry, was
Gil struggling to detach Alfred from me. I had received a swift knee to the
groin and curled up on myself. The next thing I saw was Alfred in handcuffs
struggling to get away from mall security, and Gil standing over me with a
tissue covering the small trickle of blood running from his nose.
My eyes were watering and I couldn't talk. The pain wasn't as bad as my body's
reaction to the pain. Gil reached down and grabbed my phone out of my backpack.
He seemed to be searching through my phone but I didn't care I just wanted this
pain to go away.
"Hello? Mr. uh Williams? O-oh sorry Mr. Bonnefoy. Umm your son he's hurt. N-
nein, Alfred he hurt him, he knead him - well.. where the sun doesn't shine- We
are at Frisson Mall- twenty minutes, okay outside Men's Macy's? Okay thank
you." beep.
From there it was twenty long minutes of waiting, and suffering.
After paying for my clothes, Gil carefully lifted me and took me through the
mall and towards the outside of Men's Macy's where he gently put me down on my
feet and it was at that time I learned I could hobble around, not walk, just
hobble. “I wish you didn’t call Papa, he’s busy and I can’t go around making
him come to get me.” I mumbled but he had no time to respond
I saw my papa's car in the distance and hobbled towards it. then it dawned on
me.
"I'm s-so sorry Papa, I know you were b-busy with work.. " I slid into the car
"My baby, are you okay? Are you hurt?!"
"I-I'm fine Papa, It was just Alfred.."
"Oh my poor child!"
"H-hey Francis" Gilbert stammered and waved with a hint of nervousness on his
alabaster face.
"Gilb-"
"Papa c-can we go home, I w-want to sleep.."
"Yes my sweet child" He drove me home and Gil followed behind us after finding
his motorcycle.
I knew we still needed to shop for the dance but now our plans were messed up
and it was all my fault, I had decided I was a terrible boyfriend but he time
we got home which only took twenty minutes.
"So Matthew about Gil-"
"Papa-"
“Matt-”
“Papa, I asked Gilbert to-prom but we don't h-have anything to wear.." I said
as we pulled up into the driveway. the rest of the car ride had been silent and
other than the quiet sounds of my papa humming a light quiet tune, and the
sound of Gilbert's motorcycle following behind us.
"I'm sure I have something that will fit you, maybe something that will fit
Gilbert too. Doesn't that suit I bought you for Auntie's wedding still fit
you?"
I knew that the question shouldn't have hurt me, but it did. " Papa th-that was
six years ago.." I mumbled and sunk back into my seat but jumped when there was
a knock on the window.
"Are you gonna get out slow pokes?" His muffled voice teased. I have to admit
his smile was very contagious. I laughed under my breath and got out of the
car, so did Papa.
We went into the house and papa went straight to his room. It left me and Gil
awkwardly standing there so I took him into my room, I made the bed we slept on
the night before.
For some reason Gil felt it was the right time to grope my butt. You could say
I jumped so high I hit the roof and you wouldn't be wrong.
My papa knocked at my door and then walked in without me answering. I was
blushing, which I do a lot. Gil was staring at me with a smirk on his pale face
turning to a nervous smile as he turned my papa.
Papa held up two tuxedos one light blue and one black. They were the same size,
both too big for me, but they were nice!
"Hello Gilbert! Uhh do we need to talk?"
"Ahhh Francy-pants.. What would we need to talk about?" He laughed nervously
and rubbed the back of his neck. I decided to sit on the -still unmade- bed and
watch it all play out pretending I wasn't nervous that this conversation
wouldn't affect my newly formed relationship.
"Gilbert, don't hurt my baby boy, I know how you are with relationships and-"
"I'm not going to hurt him, it's different this time, I wouldn't have gotten
with him if I planned on leaving." they were talking about me like I wasn't in
the room but it didn't bother me much, in fact it was nice to hear Gil say
that.
"Okay, then go try these on boys!" And that's exactly what we did, Gil went
into the bathroom and I stayed in my room. I didn't want Gil seeing my body, it
was bruised cut and scarred, i was skinny and pale and in general no very
attractive.
I chose the blue suit, I thought it would look nice with my hair and my eyes,
Gil agreed and took the black one. once I was dressed I let Gil back into my
room, he dressed faster than I did but I was careful not to open up my cuts and
wrapped gauze around my arm to be safe.
Gil. Looked. Stunning. Amazing, and I did not. "Gil you look great!" I was
happy but I knew that the better Gil looked the more people would hit on him.
the thought of that made me feel self-conscious.
The suit Papa gave me was big but it would have to do.
"Birdie look at you! You look so handsome!" he was very loud and excited . I
was excited too, this is my first school dance and so many things could go
wrong but all of those things just seemed to disappear with Gilbert around.
We smiled at each other like children about to get ice cream.
I was happy.
I was ready for the dance!
I don't ever want to be invisible again.
We had to attend school today because if we didn't we wouldn't be able to
attend the dance. It school policy that if you miss the school the day of the
dance you were not allowed to go. The only reason I know that is because it's
in our organizer under 'DANCE RULES & DRESS CODE' and I always read the school
rules and policies.
I had an hour and a half after school to get ready.
I even made a list of things I need to do during math class so that I don't
forget something because I'm so excited.. and anxious and plus I was bored in
Economics.
-Take a shower
-Wash hair and condition
-Shave arms, legs, and ARMPITS!
- Deodorant then get dressed
- If hair is still wet use papa's blow dryer
- Brush hair
-Don't forget bow tie and Boutonnière
-Maybe use so of Papa's makeup if needed
I would probably take an hour and fifteen minutes to get ready all together if
I cut my shower down to fifteen minutes.
I was so excited and when I saw Gil during first period he seemed pretty
excited too!
Gilbert gave me a kiss after first period ended. Alfred shoved me and broke our
kiss. We ignored it, if one of us fought back we could be banned from prom. Gil
knew it was important to me so he backed off.
Alfred did too knowing he could also get the same punishment I assume. We
walked to our separate classes.
~Time skip to end of school~
I was so ready to get home and get ready for the dance.
The Dance was on a yacht, In the San Francisco Bay, The pictures I saw of it
were stunning!
Papa said he'd pick me up today and help me get ready. He did More than I ever
expected him to and I felt bad, but I let him do it anyway.
The thought that Gil was going to most likely get hit on made my stomach turn.
I know he said he loved me but there are so many more people out there and all
of them are better than me. I got into my Papa's Car and he drove us home.
My arms started to itch in the car. Those thoughts made me feel like I was
alone again. Alone with myself.. That was a dangerous feeling . I tried my best
not to scratch them I just had to keep picturing the Yacht and the waves and
the candles. I could not cut today. If Gil found out it would ruin his entire
night, and since he's doing me a favor by even talking to me let alone going to
the dance with me.
I started to get ready
I sure hope this dance is going to be good for both of us...
I jumped in surprise as my phone beeped. 'I'll see you soon! I have an awesome
surprise for you :p', I blushed lightly, thinking about Gil. Maybe he had his
own car. It was probably beaten down and old, a car that he loved. Maybe we
could do things… I'm getting ahead of myself here. Maybe his surprise is this
was all a joke and he has an actual date that isn't me...
After I finished getting ready I headed down stairs. "How do I look Papa?" Papa
looked at me with a huge amazing smile. "You look amazing Mon Cher!" I smiled
and looked away. My phone vibrated in my pocket, "Gil will be here in about ten
minutes! He also said he had a surprise.." I pushed my phone deep inside my
pocket with the one-hundred and fifty dollars I had saved. I figured I'd bring
it if we stayed in San Francisco for the night.
Papa gave me a hug, and sliding something into my back pocket and patting me on
the bottom. "I'm not saying you should do it, but if." I blush and murmured " I
don't t-th-" There was a knock at the door. "T-thank you." I spoke quickly
I passed him and opened the door "Hey Gil!" I hugged him burying my face in his
shoulder. He smelled amazing! I didn't want to stop hugging him, but eventually
I let go.
I looked him over, He looked more amazing than he smelled. His hair was combed
to either side of his head he was cute he had a big excited smile on his face.
Adorable! I internally squealed.
"So you wanna see the surprise?!" he asked excitedly "Um.. Yes" I said hoping
for the best but fearing the worst. Then I saw it, a long white stretch limo. "
OHMAHGOD Gil.. wait you didn't pay for this did you!? I'll pay for half, here I
have some money! Or did your parents pay for it , I'll still pay for half! I'm
sorry I should have asked How you planed to get there!" I pushed the money
towards him in hopes he wouldn't argue with me on this. "MATTIE, Mattie, It's
okay my family owns it, You don't need to pay just get in and let's have some
fun!"
"W-Wait, they own it?"
"My parents are rich, I just don't like people knowing. Otherwise people will
only like me for my money and not my awesome personality."
"O-oh well Are you sure you don't want me to pay? I have-"
"No Mattie it's fine, let's go cutie or we'll be late." I gave him a kiss
before getting in.
We sat next to each other, he pulled me closer. He faced me, his fingers under
my chin making it level to his.
"You know I wouldn't say this in front of your father but you look pretty sexy
in that tux." He whispered against my lips sending shivers down my spine. The
rest of the ride was mostly making out and small talk. It. Was. Great.
***** The dance *****
The ship was mostly lit with dull candle-lit flickers, except for the small
ballroom like area where it was lit with short dangling chandeliers, which lit
the room softly. It smelled like salt water mixed with the scents of sweet
perfumes and rich colognes, as well as the food that the guests would be served
later that night. You could hear the small waves crash against the side of the
boat, gently rocking it back and forth, loud chatter and laughter amongst
friends and dates alike.
The tables on the yacht were dressed in red and white tablecloths; The
centerpiece was made of red and white roses that sweetened the salty smell of
the air. A gentle breeze danced across the cold hardwood floor.
‘It’s perfect as could be’ Matthew thought. He looked at his handsome boyfriend
and gently grabbed his hand as they walked into the dancing area. Matthew paid
close attention to who was around him and what they were doing. Most people
didn’t know how to dance and this amused him very much. He knew how to dance
after the three years of ballet classes and two years of competitive dance his
papa had put him through. Gilbert however did not know how to dance, well at
least not very well.
His attention turned back to Gilbert, his hair glistened under the chandelier.
Matthew helped Gilbert position his hands correctly and showed him a few basic
steps. He was a quick learner that was for sure.
The song changed to a faster more upbeat song, and the slow dancing changed to
bringing fist pumping and jumping up and down to the beat. Matthew had never
heard most of the songs that were played but danced along with Gilbert anyway.
Gil slid Matthew towards the packed center of the dance floor pressing them
closer together. Gilbert's face was only inches away from Matthew’s, he could
feel warm puffs of air hitting his cheek.
Gil moved closer kissing him. The kiss was gentle at first but quickly heated
up. Matthew wrapped his arms around Gilbert's neck as they pushed closer
together in the packed room. Gilbert’s hands moved onto Matthew’s hips grinding
up against him. Matthew kissed down Gilbert's neck sucking and nipping down to
the collar of his shirt. Gil's hands slipped lower as he groped Matt’s butt and
slipped his hands into his back pockets he felt as small square packet.
“I’m glad we’re on the same page” he patted his ass and winked at the blond.
“What do you say we get out of here?”
“G-Gil, yes please!” Matthew whined.
End Notes
     I started this my freshman year from a vocabulary sentence, the word
     Outlandish being the word that inspired it all, some free time before
     school and suicidal thoughts. I'm now a senior who has grown, and I
     hope to write more stories, better ones. I will updated again soon
     second chapter is already started.
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