Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/1145962.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/
      Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager
  Character:
      Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Eren_Yeager
  Additional Tags:
      Psychological_Trauma, Psychological_Torture, Emotional/Psychological
      Abuse, Mental_Institutions, psychiatrist, Psychopath, Animal_Abuse, I
      love_hurting_cute_Eren
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-01-21 Words: 4700
****** Hue ******
by ChildishSadism
Summary
     Daddy liked him too much, mommy didn't love him, his sister never
     helped. It started with three and ended with twenty, and now he is
     locked away with a monster that is bigger than the one he thought he
     was.
Notes
     i don't know, I think I'm feeling a bit sick lately.
     Other Warnings: My grammar, sorry, I like to butcher English once in
     a while.
See the end of the work for more notes
What colors can you see?
Putrid hatred.
That wasn't a color was it? What colors could he see?
Red, he could see red and black.
Those were colors, what else could he see?
Black and blue.
The two colors that terrified him the most. Yet, in the never ending white room
he was in, there were none of those colors. All he could see were the different
shades of white that blended in to gray, the dirty spots on the soft padding
and his own clothing. He twitched and squirmed, hitting his back against the
wall behind him, and maybe he was screaming. He probably was, his throat was
burning and he could taste blood.
Red, he could see red again.
The grin that was twisting on his lips was too wide and as his teeth dug into
the inside of his cheek he found the red color spitting out of his mouth.
More.
He wanted to see it more. He needed to see it to end the twitching in his
stomach, the twisting of his body and the anxiety that was building up in his
bones. He jerked and screamed again and then people came in. Something was
pushed into his mouth and kept him from biting himself any longer.
How sad, too bad.
===============================================================================
Eren, his name was called by so many people, always telling him what to do,
what to eat. Always asking him who he was and what was going on through his
head. The poor thing, he was never getting out. He was a bit too crazy, maybe a
bit too insane, always talking to himself, always looking at everyone with
those damned bright, honey colored eyes. Everyone was so very afraid of him,
some nurses couldn't even get near him, so many people ignored him.
It had been a long time since he had come to live here. Maybe it had been a
year or maybe it had been ten. All he could remember was a little dark room,
and a light above his head. He had been trapped there, listening to the noises
around him, listening to his family walking up and down the stairs. He had
never been very normal you see, he couldn't be taken anywhere.
He could still count the number of steps that it would take someone to go from
the first floor to the second floor.
12 steps for daddy. 15 steps for mommy. 14 steps for his sister. She always
jumped the last step.
He could see more colors in his tiny room than in the hospital. He could wear
more clothes in his own little broken home than in here. He was taken outside
into his house. He was given walks like a good boy, his mother would pat his
head and kiss his forehead and she would hug him, until he started to struggle
and he wasn't sure why. He couldn't understand why he couldn't hug her like his
sister. Why was he fighting, why was he convulsing, why was he kicking and why
was he scratching.
Mommy felt too sad when talking to him, she cried when she would look at him
and so she stopped. She never open up the door.
Eren could remember that his dad would pat his head. He would give him pills to
swallow and once in a while he would make him swallow something else. He would
pierce his skin with needles until he was twitching and drooling and he would
crawl and cry. He was scared, so afraid. But the more he crawled the more it
hurt and the more his dad would follow him. Whenever he was around him, all
colors were drained and all he could see was in black and white. He could see
the dirt on the floor, on the carpet, in his filthy little room because he had
to eat here, he had to do everything there. He couldn't leave until the door
was opened up for him.
Everything became disgusting when around his dad, the filth underneath his
nails looked like maggots were crawling out, and his hair felt oily and dirty.
He could see dirt clinging to his skin and he could smell how terrible his room
truly was. He was shaking and trembling, crying and screaming but none of that
helped. Once the door was closed and he was alone with him, nothing could be
done. And the burning was so painful, he clawed at it and tried to stop it, to
stop the fire that was spreading over his body and eating him hole.
Maybe he hadn't been always this crazy, maybe he was just a tiny wind up toy.
He had started out good but he kept being used and used until he broke apart
and couldn't do much anymore.
Yeah, maybe that's what happened.
Maybe that's how it happened.
So it had been okay to kill them. It had been perfectly fine to kill them, and
the ones after and the ones after that one. It was okay. It had always been
okay, it made his body steady, it kept his nerves from wrecking and it kept his
anxiety from forcing him to scratch his arms until they were bleeding.
Hurting them made him feel better, hurting them made him feel so good. Carving
them made him feel creative. Tearing them up made him have a will. He moved
through it like it was second nature, his body was twitching and his legs were
jerking him around, making him move like water, fluently stabbing the people in
front of him until he had his fill.
It started out with 3 and how many did it end up with? Who knew.
Yet, he wished he hadn't done it. He wished he had stayed in his dirty room,
with his filthy family and the needles. He wished he was still there, with
needles piercing his eyes and with his mommy and daddy whispering in his ear.
He wanted to be there again, he wanted to hug his dirty pillow and play with
his old toys. Once again, once more. He wanted to talk to his sister and ask
her to read to him through the cracks on the steps.
Because Eren was okay, he was fine. He was okay being everywhere, until the two
colors he was afraid of came into the room.
Ah, insane little thing always crawling and clawing when it was time to talk to
his doctor. Always screaming and shaking his head. He had to be sedated so many
times or tied to the bed, why would he act like this, nobody knew. Why would
anyone do this? Nobody cared. It was another crazy, broken little thing, to be
kept in the toy box and to be forced to keep living. Even if he threw up, even
if he was crying and shaking his head, nobody could understand why Eren would
be so afraid of doctor Levi.
Levi was such a good doctor, the best doctor. He always knew what to do, he
always knew how things worked. Levi was so clean and always smelled so fresh.
He never looked unkempt and his clothes were always so nice. He was such a good
doctor, always taking care of his patients, always helping them. He had saved
so many people, and so many people loved him. Even if he was rude, even if he
was cold, he did what he did really well. He spoke with such a nice voice,
always calm and pretty and he had such dark blue eyes and jet black hair.
They say that only crazy people become psychiatrists. You'll have to be crazy
in order to understand crazy people...maybe that's why Levi was so good at his
job. Because as soon as the doors were shut closed and he was left alone,
everything changed.
Eren twitched and scratched at his arms, he was crying and he didn't even know
it. He was curling up and shaking his head. He was screaming and couldn't stop.
He was going to be sedated and he knew it. He was going to be thrown back into
the tight white room and he was going to be spat on and laughed at.
Because those blue eyes moved closer and closer and Eren saw the change, he saw
the glint of madness and then the twisted smirk that became wider and wider. He
watched as the doctor moved closer, the white robe turning dark, the uniform
underneath turning a bright red and Levi's hands, they weren't a pale color
anymore, they looked dark like charcoal and they left dirty stains on Eren's
skin as he touched his face. But the skin on his face remained pale and sick.
The dark hair almost looked like a dark fog and Eren felt tears pouring out of
his eyes.
The hands wiped the tears away, soothing him. Fingers were stroking his hair,
pulling him closer with a sharp tug that made him scream. He felt the fingers
pushing against his eyes, he felt them scratching his lips and pulling him
closer and closer.
Poor thing, maybe only crazy people could love him.
People were so used to hearing him scream, why did he have to be so loud. How
could doctor Levi be so patient and stand being in that room with him. How did
he stand being hurt by him and listening to the yelling. He was such a good
person, such a patient man. What a kind doctor.
But maybe they had heard him scream so many times that they couldn't notice the
difference, that they couldn't hear the pleas and the sobbing. Or maybe they
didn't care, the crazy little Eren was going to be here forever. Maybe it
didn't matter anymore, maybe it had never mattered what happened to him. He was
insane Eren, the crazy little thing that was found in his house hugging his
mother's butchered corpse that had rotted away. He was the little kid that had
been jumping from hospital to hospital and finally ended up here, in such a
dark place, so far away from anyone that he could hurt with so many people the
knew how to deal with people like him.
They dealt with people like him by drugging him, telling him that he was going
to be fine and treating him like filthy mutt.
Nobody cared anymore. The crazy patient with the honey colored eyes was all
alone and his crazy doctor leaned in to kiss his forehead and talk to him like
his mother would. Eren kicked and screamed. And the words his mother would say
poured out of that filthy mouth, and then he could see black and white colors
again, the same colors he hated. The same colors only his daddy could bring,
but the blue eyes stayed bright and stared at him with the twisted smile that
wanted to laugh and wanted to scream, like he was.
The lips kissed him and licked him. They bit him and pulled on his skin. The
rough tongue licked his cheek and eyes, even biting his eyelids and pulling on
them as the other moved with him. Because Eren always pretended he couldn't
feel it, he always thought that all that Levi was doing was eating him, but as
soon as he felt the other moving, he could feel the pain in between his legs.
He could feel the burning that was building inside of him and the reason why he
wanted to scream until the pain crawled out of his body with his voice.
He was so sad, he wanted to curl up and cry. He was such an emotional mess, he
wasn't sure what to feel at all, so he felt everything at once. But the
charcoal hands were always there, reaching for him and pulling him in,
whispering for him to feel everything. To tell him everything. Because the
snake next to him had a way with words, and he looked so nice to everyone. He
would whisper on his ear the same thing his dad used to whisper, making his
head go a little bit more insane, his thoughts twisting and breaking. He could
even tell him the same stories his sister used to tell him.
Because Levi, Levi was everything Eren didn't want to hear anymore, it was
everything he kept trying to forget. And then Levi would scream in his ear and
sound just like they did when he was killing them, when he took them away and
Eren would break. He would cry and twitch until his body couldn't stop, until
his eyes were rolling to the back of his head, until his legs were tense and
his body couldn't bend anymore, and just then would Levi fuck him again. Just
when he couldn't control his body and just when he couldn't do anything but
twitch without control.
Because he was so tight when he was like this. He was so tight and he hugged
his cock so well.
Then everything was over and Eren was left there, and Levi was back to normal,
the same white coat and nice uniform. He looked so clean and nice. So out of
place and Eren could still feel the charcoal hands touching him, he could still
feel the dirt that was left behind all over him, inside of him, clawing at his
insides and making them burn until he couldn't move, until he was crying and
sobbing because he didn't understand what was happening, he had no idea. All he
knew was that he hated it.
He didn't like it.
Eren was given food in his room. Always the same pills and he hardly could
leave. But sometimes a pretty, nice nurse would let him out. Sometimes he was
able to see the grass again and he would crawl and smell the earth and he would
look at the sky. He had never seen it for a long time, he hadn't seen it when
he was stuck in his little room and he couldn't see it now that he was here,
but the pretty nurse was nice and she was always good to him. She smiled and
would let him run around, and she would read a book as Eren sat on the grass or
near the trees. He never wanted to leave the outside, it was bright and full of
colors. Not only red and dark and blue. He could see so many different things
and the crazy little feeling inside of him would leave, it would disappear and
all he did was cry and cry, because he was tired. Because he was exhausted and
all the crazy little thing wanted to do was to stay outside forever and wait
for the earth underneath him to take him away.
It is too bad the pretty nurse can only help him so much, can only take him
outside every so often, because Levi didn't want him to be outside and she
would do whatever he wanted. She would smile at him with happiness and Eren, he
was too sad. In the end, he could only get away for as long as Levi wanted, in
the end he was allowed to go outside so his pretty eyes were filled with
happiness and hope but those feelings, those emotions were soon washed away
when he entered the hospital again and Levi was standing there, smiling at him
and looking at him, knowing fully well that as much as Eren wanted, his crazy
little mind was never going to run away.
Eren didn't have a little home, even with the pretty nurse. She was all smiles
and kindness but she was also so loving and she loved someone very much. It was
too bad when he could hear it, when he could hear her noises and when he would
hear her moans. It was disgusting, repulsive and he had to cover his ears but
the noises kept going, because Eren was not locked away when this would happen,
and he knew what he would see whenever he turned around the corner. The crazy
doctor was going to be there, and his twisted smirk was going to be directed to
him and the blue eyes were going to be staring at him as he kept fucking the
nice little nurse. The nurse that was in love and helped Eren, because Eren in
the end had nobody, and the one that controlled his life was the dark doctor
that wouldn't spare any details.
The leash was tight around his neck and it suffocated him. Or maybe it was just
Levi choking him while he fucked him from behind, he wasn't sure which one it
was. He just couldn't breath and his mind was wandering off, far away. But
there was nowhere to escape, where could he run? Nothing in his memory could
make him happy, make him forget about what was happening. Nothing could be his
little sanctuary, except the outside, the green grass and flowers. The fields
that were waved in front of him, to tempt him, to make him have hope, just so
he was dragged crawling and crying back to his room.
It was funny, almost a bit too much, how dirty Levi felt and how dirty Eren
was, but in the end Levi was always so clean. He would make him bathe and he
would make him take long showers, always telling him where to clean, always
telling him how to clean himself, because Eren had to be clean, because he was
not an animal. But when Levi asked him and ordered him how to clean himself, he
ended up being thrown against the wall and with the burning pain back on his
hips, and he felt like drowning in the water, choking and losing consciousness.
He was cleaned so well, his ears, his hair. The fingers lovingly petting his
hair and relaxing his muscles. The hands would rub small circles on his back as
the soap coated his skin. He needed help you see, Eren was too incompetent to
shower on his own. He was far too gone and so he was handcuffed and gagged so
he wouldn't hurt himself, so he wouldn't attack Levi and then the dark doctor
would bathe him.
Everything was cleaned, behind his ears, his back, even in between his toes. He
was so clean and he smelled so good and Levi would lean in and he would bury
his face against his neck and sniff him and he would bite the skin there and
then the soap was dropped and the shampoo was slapped on his face, making his
eyes burn and leaving him unable to see. It burned and it hurt and Levi was
still nuzzling against his neck, keeping him still and telling him how he was a
good boy, such a good boy.
He was getting clean for him, only him, because Levi liked it when Eren was
clean. He loved when Eren was clean. He was so pretty and good when he was
clean. Everything Eren did was for him, Eren lived for him and was always going
to be his.
The crazy little thing was so docile when clean, when he wasn't filthy he
couldn't remember what happened before. When he was clean and fresh he forgot
about the dark bedroom and the crazy hospital and he just looked confused, so
confused, because he couldn't remember Levi. Because he couldn't remember who
he was. It was too bad, and so sick, because the twitchy smirk in Levi's lips
always grew bigger when Eren couldn't remember him.
It was always fun, if Eren couldn't remember him, then he couldn't remember
what he had done to him. The crazy doctor could break him down once again,
watch him crumble and scream and struggle.
Tsk, tsk, maybe he was being too mean to his poor little patient. After all he
was just sick but Levi loved sick so much, he really did, it was so pretty,
Eren was so pretty and he had big eyes that Levi just wanted to pull out. He
wanted to keep them and take them with him, he wanted to fuck Eren's eye
sockets and cum in them, he wanted to tear him to shreds and watch him crawl in
place until he died...but doing that would take the little doll away, and Levi
couldn't let that happen. He had worked hard to keep Eren, he worked so hard so
he wasn't found out and he had been looking for someone like him for so long.
Levi liked broken things, he always thought ugly things were prettier. Even if
they were disgusting and crawled underneath him like dirt on his boots, they
were so pretty to look at. He had always been like this since he was little but
he was such a good boy, such a good kid all the time. Rude and cold but always
doing the right thing, always being good in school and always being good to his
parents. Nobody knew, nobody could tell of how much he liked twisted things,
nobody was able to realize what he would stare at on his computer at night, or
the bloody things he would search for everywhere.
A twisted little mind he had, with only one trail of thoughts, how much he
really enjoyed stepping on broken, pretty things. How much he enjoyed twisting
them and molding them, sewing them together and ripping them apart again until
he was satisfied with his creation, until he was happy with the new rag doll,
and Eren, Eren was such a pretty little thing, with such pretty dark hair and
golden eyes that seem to glow with madness. He was so perfect and each time he
tasted him, each time he fucked him, all he could do is think of what he would
do next. What could happen next, how would he like him better next.
Maybe one day he would pull out one of those eyeballs, after all Eren hurt
himself enough, it wouldn't be a surprise if he did this as well. Nobody would
believe that crazy little thing, after all Levi was the sane one, Levi was the
good one and nobody was able to see the twisted smile or the glee in his eyes
when Eren was in pain, when Eren was crying and crawling on the floor, pleading
for them to not leave him alone with him.
Ah, he needed to teach him better manners. Eren needed to know better.
After all, who was going to believe Eren, the crazy little kid that killed his
family and twenty more people. The crazy little kid that would butcher them,
starting with the hands, and feet, then the knees and elbows, until he felt
like carving and writing on their bodies, how good their mommy was, how bad
their daddy was and how much he hated how filthy his room had been.
Eren hated filth just like him.
Eren had hated his parents just like him.
Eren had killed people to feel better, to feel free. Levi loved hurting people
and collecting broken things.
It was perfect. So perfect and Levi hummed in satisfaction and kissed Eren's
ear and he watch him tremble in fear. He watched the poor doll pull away and
curl up and the doctor smiled, such a kind, twisted smile and he reached for
him and he kicked him and he hurt him for pulling away from him but then he
felt like playing with Eren, felt like dancing with him and so the two did as
Levi kept humming his song and Eren leaned against him with blood crawling out
of his mouth.
Eren reminded him of a puppy, a cute little thing that would curl up when
wounded, that would sniffle and cry and beg for the pain to stop. It reminded
him of the puppy he used to own, too bad it died in such a tragic accident, too
bad the puppy was so clumsy! It fell down the stairs and broke its neck, and
everyone was sad and they promised Levi a new one. It died in the yard, by
choking itself with its own leash. Oh, wait, he had done that. Yeah, he had,
because was always funny to see those cute little, furry things cry in pain
until they snapped. Just like Eren, just like the little doll he was sewing a
new.
The two were going to be together like this for a long time. As long as Levi
could keep Eren he wouldn't have to kill his staff, he wouldn't have to set the
hospital on fire, because if they were to take Eren away, then he was going to
do everything he could to drag him down with him, to take him with him and to
keep him with him. Because it was about what Levi wanted and Levi wanted the
pretty crazy thing, and he hugged him and kissed him as he forced him to drag
his feet with him. He bit him and scratched him, until he let out a small
scream. He fucked him and hurt him, until Eren was a sobbing mess.
Eren couldn't live without him, he loved him too much. Eren wasn't going to be
able to keep going without him. He belonged to him. All of this made sense, it
all did, because Levi was sure that Eren was a sad little thing that loved to
be handled like this. Why would would he had loved a mother that allowed her
husband to rape her son, why else would he cling to the corpse of the woman
that would cut and burn his skin. How could he stay so loyal to the person that
betrayed him and made him eat rotten food. But crazy little Eren couldn't
remember this, he could only remember the loving hugs that came with pain, the
kisses that came with a slap and a pull on his hair. The smiles that came with
growls and kicks until he couldn't walk.
Crazy little Eren, poor thing, he wasn't born like this. Levi knew this but his
cute play thing could never remember, because he could only remember a loving
little mother, just like he could only remember the pretty nurse saying nice
things to him and not the times when she would slap him and pull on his hair
for keeping Levi's attention. He couldn't remember when the nurse dragged him
out of his room and sprayed him with hot water, he couldn't remember when the
pretty, nice, and oh so kind nurse used a needle to stab his side over and
over, making sure not to hit anything that would harm him but also making it
painful for the crazy patient.
Eren was going to see Levi like that one day and Levi was thrilled, he wanted
it to happen already. He wanted to see it and he was going to welcome it with
open arms, because only then would he be done, and only then would he keep Eren
for his own. In this crazy little house, everyone was a bit too insane, and in
this personal hell, Eren was going to be the one thing that was going to keep
him happy, that was going to make his time worth something.
The world was going to stop for them, the world was always going to be the same
for them, time did not exist and as much as Eren begged for his time to run
out, as much as he cried for it to end, the clock wasn't even ticking and it
always pointed at the same number.
After all, where could Eren go? Where could he hide? The little white room was
his new room and the new doctor with a crooked smile and a twisted stare was
the one blocking the door and keeping the key.
Time was going to stay still and Levi was going to make sure that Eren was
never going to leave.
End Notes
     I like to hear stuff.
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