Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/6635014.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M, F/M
  Fandom:
      American_Dad!
  Relationship:
      Steve_Smith_/_Schmuely_"Snot"_Lonstein, Jeff_Fischer/Hayley_Smith,
      Francine_Smith/Stan_Smith
  Character:
      Steve_Smith, Schmuely_"Snot"_Lonstein, Mrs._Lonstein, Hayley_Smith, Jeff
      Fischer, Francine_Smith, Roger_(American_Dad), Stan_Smith, Solomon
      Lonstein, Klaus_Heisler_(American_Dad!)
  Additional Tags:
      Alcohol_Abuse/Alcoholism, Non-Graphic_Violence, High_School, Best
      Friends, Therapy, References_to_Depression, Mental_Health_Issues,
      Developing_Relationship, Friends_to_Lovers
  Stats:
      Published: 2016-04-23 Updated: 2018-03-23 Chapters: 11/? Words: 36428
****** How You Remind Me ******
by ladyofdecember
Summary
     Already dealing with a lot at home, Snot Lonstein now also has to
     deal with changes when it comes to his relationship with his best
     friend, Steve Smith. Not to mention, his relationship with the Smith
     family as a whole as he is thrust into what seems like a whole new
     life altogether.
Notes
     Something small I started working on while catching up on the TBS
     seasons of American Dad I'd never seen. The move from Fox to cable
     really put me behind on what used to be my favorite animated series.
     Now that I've caught up, I caught the writing bug for these
     characters.
     I did start a playlist for this fic hosted on Spotify. It's labeled
     pretty much as you'd expect "Steve Smith Snot Lonstein American Dad"
     or you can just click here https://open.spotify.com/user/1262062178/
     playlist/6Q0vTiSwbmvLEpNpJsgO1e
     ...
     Never made it as a wise man
     I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing
     Tired of living like a blind man
     I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling
     And this is how you remind me
     Of what I really am

     How You Remind Me
     Nickelback
***** Chapter 1 *****
It was a saturday night, 2:46am and Steve was finally getting around to
collapsing into his bed. Arms and legs stretched out beneath the sheets,
glasses set aside, Steve exhaled pleasantly and shut his eyes, letting sleep
quickly overtake him.
There was a knock on the glass pane behind him and as he turned to blink
blearily, sleepily at his window, he saw the blurry outline of his best friend
carefully perching on the rooftop outside.
Leaning over to his night stand, he quickly flicked on the lamp.
"Snot? What are you doing here?" Steve asked as he opened and shut the window,
letting Snot crawl inside and down onto his bed.
"Ugh! I've been calling you all night! Why is your phone off?"
Steve glanced over at his smartphone sitting on the nightstand. "Oh, I guess it
died. Sorry." He reached out to place his glasses back on his face in their
proper place again.
Snot shifted on the bed from his kneeling position on his knees to a more
comfortable position next to his friend. "Look, can I stay here tonight? My
mom's got some dudes over and they're really gross. Like... Brady Bunch gross."
Steve smiled. "Sure, Snotters. No problemo."

He took in his friend's state of dress of his normal shorts and t-shirt,
complete with torn blue jean vest. Making his way over to his chest of drawers,
he quickly pulled out some sweatpants and a spare t-shirt and handed them to
his friend.
Snot looked taken back. “Oh no, I'm okay, really.”
Cocking an eyebrow at him, he shoved them into his lap. “Snot, you can't sleep
in that. Just go change into these. They should fit.”
Looking hesitant, Snot sighed and stood up from his seat on the bed. “Okay, I
guess.”
Easing the bedroom door open as quietly as he could, he peered out into the
dark hallway.
Steve smiled at his friend. “Don't worry, my parents are really sound
sleepers.”
With that, Snot made his way down the hall towards their upstairs bathroom,
using the map of his best friend's house in his mind to navigate through the
dark without any problems.
Steve crawled back into bed and pulled back the covers before sitting back up
and remembering his dead phone and the need to plug it into his charger.
Snot returned a few moments later to find Steve idly scrolling through his
phone. The camo sweatpants fit fine but the black t-shirt felt snug in all the
wrong places. He grasped at it wearily, trying to pull it out a bit for some
breathing room. Shutting the door quietly behind him, he made his way over to
Steve who was sprawled out on the bed.

Glancing up, the bespectacled boy eyed him up and down and smiled
appreciatively. “Looks like the clothes fit.”

The boy gave him a look before climbing beneath the heavy covers as well and
trying to settle in, maneuvering his pillow up against the headboard to lean
against it.

Steve set his phone aside and turned to his friend. “So... do you wanna talk
about it?”

“Talk about what, Steve?”

There was that edge to his voice again, the one that warned him to leave it be,
whatever annoying thing he was trying to goad him into talking about. It was
that unrelenting anger that every so often threatened to rise up to the
surface.

“Well, the fact that you showed up at my house at 3AM because of your mother. I
mean, it seems like you want to talk about it.”

Snot rolled his eyes and threw the covers up in the air, quickly sinking down
beneath them and facing away from his friend. “Goodnight, Steve.”

The boy watched his friend patiently from behind, his eyes tracing the outline
of his curly hair as it rested against the cream colored pillow case. Taking a
deep breath, he leaned over across the boy to turn off the lamp on the
nightstand and discard his glasses once more.

Laying down onto his side and facing the boy's back, he let the silence, much
like the darkness of the room, surround them.

After a few minutes of staring at the fabric covering his skin and memorizing
the outline of his silhouette, Steve suddenly felt like he couldn't keep quiet
about it any longer.

“Snot?” He whispered. “Are you still awake?”

He was in fact and had been spending his time angrily staring out at the
darkness in a rage that was threatening to spill up into his eyes in the form
of tears. He remained silent for now and pretended to sleep.

“Snot?” Steve tried again, now scooting closer and placing a steady hand on the
boy's left shoulder soothingly.

Snot sighed, feeling most of his anger leave him. “What, Steve?”

Steve paused, leaving his hand there unsteadily as he fumbled for something to
say. Finally, “I'm sorry.”

The boy shifted and rolled onto his other side, causing Steve's hand to
clumsily fall back down to the mattress.

Now laying side by side and facing one another, Snot took this opportunity to
glower at his friend. “For what?”

Steve looked unsure again. “I dunno, for everything. For the way your mom
treats you, for the way that you literally have no one to turn to... except me,
of course.”

He added the last bit quieter than the first and Snot found he couldn't be too
upset with his friend's prying nature. “It's not a big deal. I'm fine, really.”

“You're not fine!” Steve shouted a little louder than he had meant to. Quieter
then, “I mean... I'm worried about you. I don't think it's right for you to
have to go through this.”

“Steve-” Snot warned tensely as his friend ignored him.

“Your mom has some nerve. Really, I mean, you're here struggling to keep good
grades in school and she doesn't care and she doesn't even try to help you with
your-”

“Steve! Enough, already!” The boy said tersely as he sat up in the bed and
faced the far wall in front of them.

He glared darkly at it, barely able to even make out the wallpaper pattern in
the pitch blackness. Steve sat up as well, alarmed by his friend's anger. He
frowned and stared out at the same wallpaper covered wall.

“My mom is... she just has some problems is all.” Snot muttered quietly.

Steve looked at the boy worriedly. He didn't say what he wanted to which was to
ask if that was why he had suddenly began showing up to school with bruises
dotting his arms and legs. He didn't say what he wanted to which was that he
was there for him no matter what and that he couldn't bear the thought of
losing his best friend.

He didn't say anything else that night. Instead, he just silently pulled the
boy close to him, forcing him to place his head on his chest, awkward angle as
it was, and encircled him in a warm embrace.

Snot quickly relinquished his resistance and gave in, reaching up to hug him
back as tears slipped out his eyes.

…
They didn't speak about that night the next day, what with Snot having to run
off early even before getting any breakfast. Then again, he hadn't wanted to
get caught by Steve's parents so breakfast wouldn't have been a good idea
anyway.
Steve didn't have a chance to talk to his friend again until Monday afternoon,
what with classes keeping them coming and going and much too busy. Now, as they
sat at Steve's house once again, surrounded by their friends, it hardly seemed
like an appropriate time to bring it up.
As he sat there, flush against his best friend, he began to feel strange, like
he was waking up from a dream. The way Snot was exclaiming in joy, bouncing up
and down on the couch and gesturing at the TV screen was so endearing. Steve
felt himself grinning as big as could be. He really seemed happy which was a
relief to him, seeing how distraught he'd been just days before.
Toshi and Barry were immersed in the video game as well and didn't seem to
notice that Snot's hand, for all his flailing, had landed on Steve's knee and
was slowly creeping it's way north.
They were watching their friends play a match against each other as they sat on
the living room floor, as close to the TV as possible.
Snot gripped Steve's thigh tightly over his jeans, though his eyes were still
glued to the screen and so it must have been unintentional surely. The huge
grin on his face was due to the antics of his friends and their banter and not
because of proximity to him, Steve reminded himself.
So why did that make him feel a little disappointed inside?
Steve swallowed nervously and chanced a glance at him. The hand remained,
lightly resting atop his thigh now, rather than a gripping force like before.
Snot finally met his friend's gaze and beamed in happiness. He suddenly looked
down and realized the placement of his hand on Steve's leg. Blushing and
immediately removing it, his smile disappearing from his face and was replaced
by a guilty expression instead. "Sorry... " He mumbled.

Turning his attention back to the TV, he firmly fixed his gaze on the game and
his friends laughter and cheering once more. Steve's disappointment multiplied.
He missed the warmth of the touch, the way it just felt... right. He couldn't
ignore the butterflies in his stomach even if he wanted to. As innocent as the
gesture had been, he felt guilty at how much he had enjoyed it.
Steve stared at Snot for a long moment, his other friends in the foreground
forgotten. If the boy noticed, he was intentionally trying to ignore it.
Eventually, the game ended, Toshi winning the match and explaining that he had
to get home for dinner. Barry left in much the same fashion, leaving just Snot
and him alone.
Completely alone. Steve's parents had left on a spur of the moment, out of town
trip as they do, leaving Jeff and Hayley in charge. And of course, those two
were nowhere to be seen. He remembered Hayley mentioning some sort of pizza
later for dinner but dinner to her had always meant 9 o'clock. After all, she
had no set schedule, often sleeping in till noon each day.
Snot stood up, feeling rather uncomfortable with the situation and mumbled that
he had to get home to his mom too. This was a lie of course. His mother would
still be at work until much, much later that night, probably not arriving home
until 11pm or so, not unusual for a nurse in her line of work.
Steve frowned from his spot on the couch still. "You don't have to go yet, do
ya Snot?"
The taller boy shrugged and glanced helplessly at the front door. “Well, maybe
I should go, I don't want my mom to get upset.”
Anger rose in Steve and he stood up indignantly facing his friend. “Get upset?!
Really?! How about I go with you and I'll give her something to be upset
about?!”
Snot was taken back by his friend's sudden irritation. He took in the stance of
him, looking him up and down. He didn't think he had ever seen the boy so
angry. “Steve-”
“No! Don't 'Steve' me! I don't like the way she treats you! And I'm not gonna
stand for it anymore!” Steve yelled, his voice increasing in octave increments
with every word until he was shrieking as high as could be.
For the first time, Snot found himself feeling incredibly at peace instead of
angry. The familiar sense of bitterness replaced by something soft and warm. He
smiled warmly at him, touched by his friend's compassion. “You... really care
that much?”
“Do I really-?! What?! Of course, I do! You're my best friend!” Steve was still
screeching in rage but at this point it was really more in incredulity.
He moved to face his friend, gripping at his shoulders and then arms and
bringing him close in front of him, so close that their chests nearly bumped as
he began to shake him slightly. “Snot, what don't you understand about this?
We're best friends. We have been for years upon years! I am not going to let
this go until I can make sure you're happy and safe and provided for and...
and... “
Snot blinked at his friend, truly taken back.
Steve frowned, his grip on the boy's shoulders increasing almost to a painful
pinch. “I just... I want you to be happy.”
Snot smiled warmly at his friend although a pained expression quickly replaced
it. He carefully peeled the boy's fingers off of his arms and stepping away
slightly. He rubbed at the bruises covering his biceps that Steve had been
aggravating.
When he noticed Steve's widened eyes, he quickly smiled placatingly at his
friend. “Those were already there. You didn't do those, don't worry.”
Still speechless with shock, Steve continued staring, his mouth agape.
Snot sat back down at his spot on the couch silently. He stared off towards the
now black screen of the TV. Steve sat down as well and after a moment's
hesitation, reached over to pull the boy carefully closer to him. Snot let him
and soon his face was buried in the orange shirt of the boy. Steve ran his hand
through his friend's curly brown locks reassuringly as he felt the boy move his
arms to encircle him.
They sat that way for what seemed like hours but was really more like twenty
minutes. That was when Roger came through the front door, dressed as some sort
of fighter pilot from the 40's. He saw them but said nothing as he scampered up
the stairs to the attic. Snot may have fallen asleep as he didn't move from his
spot, slumped against Steve's chest.
Steve hugged him tighter against him and worried for his friend's well being
and future.
…
It was pretty late when Snot got home that night, well later than usual anyway.
It was dark out and Snot had to convince Steve not to walk him home and not to
beg his sister to drive him there. Hayley and Jeff had come home relatively
early and Steve had forced his friend to stay for pizza so he'd have something
good to eat for dinner that night. Nearing 10pm, Snot unlocked the front door
to his house with his key and ventured his way inside.
It was quiet and dark, as to be expected, until he rounded the corner towards
the kitchen.
His mother was actually home. Huh, that was odd. Didn't her shift run till
11pm?
She was currently bent over in the refrigerator, digging out some liquor no
doubt. He considered sneaking past her and saying nothing but decided he should
at least tell her hello.
“Hey Mom.” He mumbled, causing her to shoot up right and slam the door shut.
She glared at him suspiciously. “And where were you?!”
Snot swallowed and looked guilty. “Uh... “
“Why were you out so late?!”
“Well, I didn't think you'd be home till late and-”
“Why? Because I work for a living to keep this roof over your head?!” She
responded, beginning to move towards him, a bottle of whiskey in her left hand.
Snot backed up quickly. “Well, yeah, I just figured-”
“I got home at 5 and I didn't know where you were, Snot! You can't just leave
like that!
She slammed the whiskey bottle down on the counter loudly, causing the teen to
jump in surprise. She pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one up, glancing
at her son tiredly. “What am I gonna do with you?”
“I'll just uh... go to bed.”
Deciding to avoid her like the plague, he quickly spun on his heel to make his
way to the hall and down towards his bedroom. His mother, however, had a much
different idea.
“Oh no, you don't!” She said, grabbing the boy by his shoulder roughly and
tugging him back to face her. “You're gonna clean up this pig sty! Look at this
disgusting place!”
She gestured around the area at the various trash and food containers that
littered the area, all of which were hers or her many boyfriend's. She puffed
harshly on her cigarette causing him to cough.
“But... I have school in the morning!”
“I don't give a shit, Schmuely! You will do as I say!” She gripped at his left
arm furiously and began to shake him, causing him to cry out in pain as her
thumb pressed into a bruise that she herself had placed there.
“Listen to me, dammit!” She continued, pushing him backward. He flailed a bit
but caught himself against the couch nearby.
Finishing her cigarette, she put it out in one of the ashtrays nearby. She
grabbed the bottle of whiskey in the kitchen and poured herself a tall glass,
straight. Nearly downing half the glass in one gulp, she stormed back into the
living room towards her son.
He sank against the couch end nervously and just watched her.
“Well, pick this place up!”
He began gathering the food containers together into a pile, not wanting to
approach her to get to the kitchen and collect a garbage bag for them. He kept
his head low as he just tried to quickly clean up as fast as possible.
She sipped at her whiskey as she glanced around the dimly lit house. The lights
would be shut off soon. Missing work was not the way to keep your bills paid,
especially when you were a single parent.
“So tell me,” She said, angrily facing her son again. “where were you tonight?”
Snot considered lying for half a second but knew she'd see right through the
story. He sighed, preparing for what was coming. “I was at Steve's house-”
“Why are you always over there?!” She interrupted him. “You think they live
better than we do? Huh?!”
“No! I just... he's my friend!” Snot gave up gathering the trash to face his
mother completely.
“Yeah? Your friend, huh? I think you just want to spend time over there because
they have such a big house and so much money and la-de-da!”
She moved towards him menacingly, that look of rage filling her brown eyes.
Snot tried to back up away from her but she flung her half empty glass against
the wall over his head, causing it to shatter into a million tiny pieces
everywhere.
He cried out in fright as she continued approaching him and grabbed both of his
arms again, shaking him. Her grip even harder than before, no doubt was causing
new bruises in his skin.
She shook him repeatedly. “I don't want you going over there anymore! You hear
me?! Stay away from that boy!”
Snot willed himself not to cry as she backed away, dropping him causing him to
bump up against the couch again.
She began to walk away before changing her mind as she came storming back. She
raised her hand and smacked him, palm open, hard across the face.
“Clean that shit up!” She yelled, storming away to her room, carrying the
bottle of whiskey along with her.
A moment later her door slammed and Snot heard her lock it behind her.
He sank to the ground, clutching his face and arms, not knowing what to do.
Everything hurt.
He looked bitterly over at the smashed glass, leaking booze not only down the
wall, but onto the furniture and the dingy carpet below.
Dark thoughts entered his mind, involving glass and a way out but he shoved
them away and stood up to begin cleaning.
It was nearing 11:30pm. Tomorrow would be hell.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     I'm dancing with tears in my eyes
     Just fighting to get through the night
     I'm losing it
     With every move I die
     I'm faded
     I'm broken inside
     Dancing with Tears in My Eyes
     Kesha
Waking up in the mornings was always difficult. It was probably the hardest
thing he had to do as of late.
He felt sore all over and his body just did not want to get up. But he always
forced himself because if he didn't catch the bus, he'd have to walk all the
way to school and that was a good 10 miles at least.
The house seemed quiet and upon careful inspection by peering through the crack
in his mother's door, he appeared to be home alone. Well, at least he could
take his time and not feel on edge.
Throwing on his usual clothes wasn't going to due it this morning. Eyeing the
blooming reddish and bluish bruises that were spreading across his arms and
wrists, he grabbed an old navy blue hoodie he hardly ever had the need to wear
and threw it over his head.
The bus would be pulling up outside any time now so he didn't hesitate in
making his way outside.
He was moving slower than usual, that was for sure. As he climbed the steps
onto the bus, a sharp stabbing hit him right in the small of his back, feeling
like an electrified needle was stabbing him in his spine. He winced and paused
near the driver before forcing himself to make it to the back and sit down.
It was a wonder that with all the warning signs of strife he was experiencing
at home nowadays that nobody ever noticed him. His teachers, Principal Lewis,
even his friends. No one seemed to pick up on the clues, not that he wanted
them to.
And then, there was always Steve. He had his suspicions but mostly let him be.
Steve sometimes rode the bus with him, sometimes but not often. He usually just
caught a ride with his parents to school. Lucky.
He must have fallen asleep because he soon found himself opening his eyes to
the sight of Pearl Bailey High School. Steve didn't ride today then.
He waited for everyone to clamber off the bus before slowly making his way off
himself.
Walking with a slight limp he couldn't help, Snot made his way inside the
school, down the hall and to the left towards his locker.
He wasn't halfway through his combination when he heard the familiar and
gleeful tone of his best friend calling to him.
A second later and the boy was right next to him. "How ya doin', buddy?"
Snot glanced at Steve who was beaming at him and managed a small smile. "Hey."
Tugging open the locker, he began pulling out his history and math books,
wincing under the strain of his muscles as he shifted them in his arms. Man,
his whole body ached.
"You wanna go to Pizza Overlord with me after school? My mom's picking me up
and she can drop us off over there."
"Sure man!" Snot grinned, thinking to himself just how hungry he was. Cue his
intensely loud stomach growl.
Steve frowned. "Snotters, didn't you have your Lucky Charms this morning? You
know, it's a part of a complete breakfast!"
Shoving the locker closed with all his might while still balancing the heavy
textbooks in one arm took a lot out of him. He heaved a sigh. "No, actually, I
didn't get a chance to eat breakfast."
"No breakfast?!" Steve exclaimed horrified. "But you're a growing boy!"
Snot rolled his eyes and turned away from him. "I have to get to class."
As he shuffled off angrily, Steve stared after him befuddled as to his sudden
change in mood.
...
Finally! Steve was striding through the front door of his house after a long
day at school dealing with teachers misunderstanding him, peers who hated him
and naturally, just really boring sleep inducing lectures and endless school
work.
Not to mention the fact that even though his mother had promised to pick him up
and take him to Pizza Overlord, of course she forgot. Of course, she didn't
come pick him up. No, that would be too considerate of her. He'd been left to
his own devices as to how to get home.
Having called her after nearly 10 minutes of waiting, she'd informed him that
she was halfway across town having forgotten, forcing him to have to run to the
school buses and narrowly make his normal bus home before it took off.
Now home finally, Steve could kick back, relax and watch TV as he stretched out
on the couch. Just as he was kicking his high tops off, Roger came charging
down the stairs.
"Steve, scoot over, there's this made for TV movie coming on starring Dolly
that I just got to watch."
"No way, Roger! You've been here all day! It's my turn to watch TV! I just got
home!" Steve said pushing his backpack out of the way with his foot. He
stretched out along the cushions, taking up as much space as possible, hoping
that would be enough to get him to leave.
Roger stood looking down at him with his hands on his hips. “Look, honey,
there's an order to this household, a ranking if you will. It goes me, your
father, Hayley, Frannie, the fish, Jeff and then you. No, wait, maybe Hayley is
after the fish. Either way, you're always last. So scootch!”
The gray alien shoved him completely off the sofa where he landed in a painful
pile on the carpet below and made himself comfortable in his place.
“Ow, Roger! Jesus!” Steve stood up, rubbing his elbows in pain.
Finally, he stormed off, leaving Roger to his made for TV movie.
...
Steve chugged the light beer he'd found, enjoying the way the ice cold glass of
the bottle felt against his palm. He sat back on his hands, just contemplating
the way the sunset looked as the different colors mixed together in the sky.
He felt strange, not entirely liking the feeling he was getting from the
alcohol but not disliking it either. He was really beginning to get fed up with
the way he was treated in this household. From his father's constant ignoring
him to the fact that he was quickly going nowhere fast when it came to school
and he wasn't cut out for any sort of part time job. The last five part time
positions he'd tried holding he'd failed at miserably. There just wasn't a
point to trying anything anymore.
God, his life sucked.
The sunlight was fading fast as Steve continued just staring out straight
ahead, not letting himself worry about his homework or his missing dinner time,
like he normally would. He was too good of a son, that was for sure. Too good
for these people. Too good for anyone really. He was done with all that.
Let's see how they treat him now, now that he wasn't the “perfect son” anymore.
Then again, he doubted his family was even inside, well except for Roger. The
rest of them had probably all gone out without him somewhere for dinner seeing
as his own mom had forgotten her promise to take him to get pizza. Ridiculous.
He was better off out here anyway. Alone in the outdoors.
Suddenly, the door to the kitchen opened up behind him and he scrambled to kick
the bottle of light beer away from him and into the grass. He hastily threw his
red over shirt on it to try to cover it up.
“Nothing!” He shouted desperately.
"Steve?"
It was Snot's voice coming from behind him and as he turned to face him, the
boy looked rather amused, very different from the way he'd last seen him at
school earlier.
"Oh... hey Snot." Steve said, surprised at the boy's sudden appearance.
His friend sat down beside him, smirking as he stared at the shirt a foot away.
"What are you doing out here?"
Steve sighed and brought his knees up to his chest. "Oh... nothing. Just
thinking about stuff. And uh... drinking I guess. What are you doing here?"
"Well, I just thought I'd come over. My mom's entertaining a 'male friend' so
I'd rather not be around. Also... I'm sorry about blowing up at you earlier. I
should have come with you to get pizza. I'm a jerk. Was it fun at least?"
Steve scowled and looked away. “My stupid mom forgot so I didn't go.”
“Oh.”
The two were quiet as they sat just enjoying the setting sun. Steve glanced at
his best friend, still concerned about everything going on, especially with his
mother.
He smiled, beginning to feel a bit tipsy and moved to sit closer to him. "Snot,
you want a beer? I have more."
Snot blinked at him, a frown playing on his face at the worrisome way he seemed
to be trying to escape his problems, not that he could talk really. "Steve,
what's wrong? You know, you don't have to turn to alcohol to solve your
problems. I'm here for you."
He really wasn't ready for his best friend to start drinking as well.
Everything was getting too real too fast. Better get out. Better leave. An
alarm began going off in the back of his mind, a sort of warning but he pushed
it deep down and tried to just ignore it as he continued looking into his
friend's eyes.
Steve smiled and scooted even closer, slightly bumping against him. "I know you
are, Snot. I know you... you're like, you're like my best friend and... so
perfect."
Noticing the way his friend was slurring his words, Snot wrapped an arm around
his shoulders, pulling him in closer and wanting to reassure him for whatever
reason he had chosen to hit the bottle. He didn't know what was wrong but it
must have been bad.
"You're my best friend, Steve." He said smiling at him, wanting to distract him
from reaching for the other bottles he had stashed nearby.
Feeling very lightheaded, Steve smiled, turning to face the boy who he had
called his best friend for 10 years. He bit his lip, sinking closer towards him
causing Snot to back up a bit in surprise.
"Wow, your breath is terrible, Steve!" He laughed.
“Sorry... “ Steve blushed and moved away, staring down at his hands. He
shivered a bit from the slight breeze that had picked up, scattering various
flower petals to fall down from their nearby tree.
Snot reached an arm out again to bring him in close to keep him warm, although
that was just an excuse. The temperature was barely below 65 degrees.
Steve smiled up at his friend as the night began to set in, darkening the sky
all around them.
The fireflies in the background were a nice touch too.
…
Later that night, Steve was really feeling the effects of drinking. Used to
being pretty clear headed, alcohol was definitely not his friend.
This was a boy who never even drank coffee. Caffeine? He was super sensitive to
it. Chocolate? Forget it. Even sugar affected him.
Exhausted, he made quick work of brushing his teeth and changing into his
pajamas. It may have only been a little after 10pm but he could barely keep his
eyes open!
Shutting off the light above his bed, Steve crawled beneath the covers. Leaning
over to grab the remote to his oscillating fan, he turned it on to shut out the
world's noises to get a restful and undisturbed sleep.

Snot had hung around a little longer until his parents had finally come home.
He'd quickly made his exit then, citing he had to get home now that it was
after dark. He didn't want to get in trouble with his mom or make her more
upset than she already was with him.

Steve had become angered at that but let it go, not wanting to upset his
friend.

Now as he lay under the silky smooth covers of his bed, he let his mind wander
to his friend's home situation versus his own. They were so drastically
different.

He really had no right to complain about anything in his life. Snot's was so
much harder.

Deciding to try to make a difference with his friend's home life, he rolled
onto his side to try to get some sleep. Tomorrow he'd begin planning.

…

He slammed the door behind him, leaning back and pressing the full amount of
his weight against it to keep her out as he strategically reached over and
slipped the lock to the upright position on the doorknob. The door was thrust
against repeatedly as she banged, kicked and clawed, trying desperately to get
in to his bedroom.
Snot sighed in relief as he slid down to the ground, still slumped up against
the wooden bedroom door.
"Open this door!" His mother shrieked unintelligibly as her words slurred
together from the booze and her rage increased. She banged on the door once
more before going silent completely.
Thank god he'd been quick enough to get to his room. Thank god he'd had the
careful planning and thoughtfulness to purchase a lock for his bedroom door.
Having installed it one afternoon while she was at work, one of the few days
she'd actually shown up for her shift, he'd made quick work of it, not knowing
just when she'd be home.
It was a good lock too, expensive and came with it's own key. He was relieved
once it was installed. He just had to make sure to get to his room whenever she
was like this to keep himself safe.
She didn't always drink but when she did she was an absolute nightmare. It
didn't used to be a problem.
As he sat on his floor, slumped against his door, he tried to pinpoint just
when exactly the drinking had started. Definitely around the time that his
father had left, but it hadn't gotten so bad until a few months back.
Rubbing at the bruises on his left arm from where she'd gripped him the day
before, he wondered just how long he could stand it.
Maybe he could get help for her from the hospital? Nah, that'd just get her in
trouble and could cause her to lose her job.
It'd be better if he just waited it out. After all, it couldn't last forever,
could it?
…
Another day, another round of useless classes in a useless school that he
couldn't care less about.
Snot walked down the hallway with his best friend, ignoring the way his back
ached from the backpack pressing into it.
“Snot, can't you go stay with your uncle or something?” Steve asked.
They were putting away their books at their locker and getting ready to head
home for the day.
“No, Steve.” Snot mumbled in that tone he used to dismiss whatever pie in the
sky dreams his friend was usually talking about.
“Well, at least tell your uncle what's happening! I mean, god, you have to tell
someone!”
Snot slammed his locker shut and slung his backpack back onto his back, wincing
a bit as it banged into a particularly sore spot on his shoulder blade. He was
lucky it wasn't dislocated to be honest.
They began heading towards the front entrance of the building, passing by the
principal's office. Steve peered in the glass as they passed, noting Brian was
absent from his desk with the door wide open.
“Look, Steve... just forget it, okay? Even if I did tell my uncle, he wouldn't
believe me, okay? He's my mom's brother. Why would he?”
They squinted against the harsh sun as they exited the building and began
making their way down the concrete steps.
“Well, if you don't tell someone, I will!” Steve glared at his friend, daring
him to object.
Snot just stared at him silently before shaking his head in disappointment and
walking off.
Steve was seething. How could his friend not do something about this? He
couldn't believe it.
“Snot!” He called after him, watching him go. He didn't look back and just kept
walking towards home.
There was a car horn honking nearby. Glancing over at the cars lined up in
front of the school, Steve caught sight of his mother as she called out to him.
“Steve! Over here, honey!”
One last look towards his friend's retreating back made him think that maybe he
just wanted to be alone for a while. And so, he climbed into his mother's car
and off they went.
Francine was talking about something, something about surprising him at school
so that she could take him shopping but he wasn't really paying attention. He
stared out the car window in despair. What was he going to do?
…

Friday night. Friday... night.

Faced with an entire weekend with absolutely nothing to do, most people would
be happy, right? Well, they would be if they had people to spend it with. Steve
Smith, however, was facing another boredom filled weekend.

But that was Steve, good ol' white bread, glass of milk, wholesome Steve. Home
at 3:30pm, right after school and in bed by 10pm. Blinking at the neon green
numbers on his alarm clock that showed only 11:32pm, he realized that this just
might be the latest he had ever stayed up on a Friday night. After all, he
never really had anywhere to be on Fridays or anything to do. He certainly
wasn't allowed to go to parties, not that he was ever invited to any.

Steve bit his lip and marveled at the idea of staying up all night, heading
downtown and really living it up. Getting crazy with it! Why not? He was young
and wild and free! It was time to start living, dammit!

Maybe he'd go feed the ducks by the pond at the library? No, that was crazy
talk, the ducks would be asleep! Silly. What if he went to an all night movie
marathon at the theater? What if he snuck in instead of buying a ticket like a
responsible teenage boy? Hey! Yeah, that's the stuff!

With renewed energy, Steve jumped to his feet ready with a plan to go out and
do it up big.

But going out alone was no fun. Maybe he should head over to Snot's house and
try to convince him to go out too? Not that he'd be successful. The boy was
pissed at him still, he knew it.

Pulling out his phone, he began to text his friend, trying to persuade him to
meet up so they could sneak out together. But it was all a no go. Everything he
tried, the boy shot down.

'Snot we gotta do something! Its friday yo!' He typed quickly into his
smartphone.

'cant, i gotta study' The boy replied causing Steve to narrow his eyes
suspiciously. Study? Yeah right.

'Dont you want to hang out with me Snot? Youre my bestfriend!'

'of course i do...its not that. im just tired ok?'

Steve frowned, sinking back against his pillows. Maybe Klaus was up for
something then. Or even Hayley. He needed to have some fun. He needed a
distraction from his friend's misery. If the boy wasn't going to let him in
then what could he do? He'd find something to occupy his time and give the boy
his space if that's what he really wanted.

'Its okay Snot. I understand. Get some rest.' He texted back and then went
about finding the other members of the house to have some fun.

…
Monday again and classes went by as slowly as they often do with Snot passing
out at his desk and making up for some much needed rest. He was just exhausted
lately and couldn't seem to ever make up for the lack of sleep.
As he left his third period and got ready to head for his fourth he saw Steve
making his way towards him cheerfully and excited to see him. He decided he
wasn't ready for his friend's unique brand of energy this early in the day and
so he quickly turned to duck into the nearby restroom, hoping he'd take the
hint.
Hiding in one of the stalls and feeling ridiculous, he heard the door open and
close and a few hesitant footsteps.
"Snot?"
Of course he'd just follow him in. Why wouldn't he? This was a stupid plan.
Pushing the door open, Snot ventured out to face his friend heaving a world
weary sigh.
Steve peered at him curiously. "Hey. Didn't you see me? I was waving at you in
the hallway. Anyway, I wanted to tell you about Pizza Overlord-"
"I don't care about Pizza Overlord, Steven!" He shouted, feeling extremely
angry and yet not sure exactly why.
"Oh." Was all he said in response.
Snot felt bad at his outburst as he let the moment just hang in the air. The
two stood alone in the middle of the boy's restroom with no one seeming to be
coming in or out.
That must mean... yup.
The single chime that sounded over the loud speakers meant one thing and one
thing alone. They were late, fourth period had started without them in their
prospective places.
Steve looked panicked at their tardiness because of course he did but quickly
let it go. His friend's unhappiness was more important than any tardy slip he
was going to get, even if it went on their permanent records. "What's wrong,
Snot?" He tried finally.
The curly haired boy sighed, moving to drop his bookbag on the floor. He leaned
over the sink, peering at his reflection in the mirror. Such dark bags, such
red and tired eyes, stared back at him.
She could have killed him, he thought humorlessly as he thought about the
previous night. Why didn't she? Why does she always stop right before?
"Snot?"
She should have. It'd be better that way.
"Snot?" Steve tried again, wearily watching his friend's gaze in the mirror
from his position behind him.
Finally recognition appeared in those dull eyes as the boy snapped back to
reality. Snot faced his friend, leaning against the sparkling porcelain sink.
"What?"
"I'm really getting worried about you, Snot."
Steve let his statement hover around the two of them, watching as his friend
stubbornly stared at his squeaky clean high top sneakers. So white, so perfect.
They must have been expensive. When did the dynamic between the two of them
shift so much? He remembered once upon a time, their families being very close
in terms of social class. His father had done pretty well by their family. Too
bad he gave up after a while and left them.
"We've been friends a long time, Steve." He said, gaze not leaving his friend's
shoes, causing Steve to cock an eyebrow in confusion. "Since we were kids. We
were so young."
Feeling uncomfortable, Steve glanced around the rest room, trying to think of
something to say. "Well, sure. A long, long time. Look, we should really be
getting to class though-"
Snot jerked his head up to meet his friend's gaze and interrupted him with a
look of disgust on his face. "Steve! Who cares about class? Honestly, I'm here
trying to talk to you about something. I mean, I know I'm probably doing a
terrible job but give me a second, would ya?!"
There was that signature anger flaring up again at the most inopportune time.
Steve looked taken back by the outburst but having become used to them, quickly
recovered. He nodded solemnly, patiently for him to continue.
Snot took a deep breath and looked anywhere but at his friend's inquisitive
gaze. All he wanted was to run away but where would he even go? He was trapped,
like a canary in a coal mine. If only the stupid boy would notice things on his
own.
Couldn't he just be his best friend and see what was going on without his
having to talk about it? Couldn't he just rescue him? He hated looking weak and
hated asking for help even more. But he had to get past that now. It was time.
"I'm... having a difficult time right now-"
Steve interrupted prematurely. "Well, sure with your mom-"
"Listen to me, Steve!" He said pleading with him, finally meeting his look head
on. "I need help!"
This was it, if he didn't speak up now, he knew he never would. And then...
then it'd be much too late.
Seeing the worried look come across Steve's face was all it took for him to
finally break down. And break down he did, sinking to the ground completely at
least he would have if not for Steve's quick steps forward, his arms coming out
to catch the boy in an embrace.
The moment was too real, too hard and much too emotional for his taste. It was
so terrible you could almost taste it in the air, it was so tangible.
Steve slowly sank down to his knees, still holding his BFF up as best as he
could, though he was really struggling under the weight. He wasn't the
strongest boy.
Snot sobbed, reaching out to clutch at the collar of his friend's favorite red
shirt but Steve didn't think twice about the stretching of the fabric, too
shocked and taken back by his friend's apparent breakdown. This was huge.
"I need help, help... " Snot seemed to repeat over and over again to him, his
eyes shut so tightly as he quivered.
Steve clutched him closely, wanting to comfort the boy but having no real grasp
as to how. He considered the fact that some 'bad kids' could enter the bathroom
at any moment, looking for some way to skip class, somewhere to hang out.
They'd be in prime position for some hard core bullying if they didn't hightail
it outta there. He had to move them somewhere less precarious.

"Snot... erm... " He muttered, clutching at his shoulders and trying to get him
to look back up at him.
He did although it was through a multitude of watery tears, most of which had
rolled down his chin and soaked into his orange tee.
"Why don't we take the rest of the day? Maybe we could go to the park. You like
the park, they have ducks there." Steve tried, smiling down at his friend.
Sniffling a bit, Snot considered the option. Blinking around at his
surroundings, it was a far more attractive one. They looked ridiculous, he
knew. He was crumpled down on the tile, nearly completely in Steve's lap and
grasping at his shirt like if he let go, he'd fall off the face of the planet.
What a mess.
Steve moved to hug him fully, pulling his face firmly into his left shoulder
and using his right hand to stroke his curly locks to soothe him. The effect
was immediate.
Snot finally relaxed, his tears coming to a stop entirely, as his shoulder
blades dropped as well, no longer held up tensely by stress.
Pulling back from the embrace, Snot sniffled a little but then smiled. "Yeah,
okay, let's go then. Maybe some fresh air would do me good."
Steve stood up, offering a hand to his friend as they made their way out of the
boy's room. Suddenly, Snot really did begin to feel better.
Perhaps it was the need to finally cry and let it all out. The built up
frustration inside of him had been killing him. Maybe it was the need for
someone to vent to, to open up about it, he didn't know. But whatever it was
that made him feel better, Snot knew it was because of Steve. He really did owe
him everything. He wasn't a good enough friend. He didn't deserve people like
him in his life. And yet, the boy stayed for some reason.
They hastily made their way through the halls, not wanting to get caught for
skipping out on classes. Steve was too much of a goody two shoes normally to
skip but made an exception of course when it came to his friend.
It was a bit difficult to sneak out but with the help of the school's band
filling the hallways and numerous yearbook personnel conducting their meeting
in the cafeteria, they made it out finally by blending in with the others.
They were heading down the street about a block away from the school when Steve
finally spoke up. "It's your mom, isn't it?"
Dread, pure, ice cold dread filled Snot's veins. He swallowed nervously. "W-
what?"
"The bruises you keep getting. You'd hinted at it before. I know we've never
really talked about it. But I know it's your mom hitting you. She drinks too
much."
He could have changed the direction the conversation was heading. He could have
deflected or just lashed out again. But as Steve stopped dead cold in his
tracks, turning round to face him directly, with a look of worry playing on his
face, Snot felt like breaking down all over again. It'd been too long. He'd
been keeping all of this inside and he just couldn't anymore. At least not to
his friend. He didn't deserve him, his mind reminded him once more.
They stood still, facing each other for a few long moments, neither really
knowing just what to do.
Snot sighed and looked away. "Yes, okay? She hits me... a lot."
"I don't understand." Steve said in a tone that was hard to read but Snot
suspected it was one that blended anger along with sadness.
"She drinks a lot, at least she started to drink a lot about a year ago or so."
"I knew she drank but-"
"She does... a lot."
Steve's blank expression changed to one of rage instead. "That's no excuse! She
can't hit you like that! What the hell is she thinking?"
"I don't know." Snot shrugged, face as emotionless as his tone. He felt like
crying again but just couldn't. He was dead inside, a shell really. God, why
was everything so hopeless? When did it get this way?
Steve stepped close to him to hug him again but stopped short. He rested his
hands on either side of his face instead and came to rest his forehead against
Snot's.
At first the boy had flinched until he took a breath. Now he found it oddly
comforting, being so close to him this way.
"We have to get you out of there." Steve muttered, eyes closed, his hands
moving down to rest on his shoulders instead but not moving back.
Snot blinked at Steve's face, difficult to make out due to the close proximity
of it. "What do you mean?"
He wanted to laugh in derision at the very thought. It was crazy really. Where
was he going to go? That was his home and she was his mother after all. He had
to stay right? That was his home. What were they even talking about here?
Steve pulled back with a dead serious look on his face. "Don't you have any
other family you could stay with just to... you know, get away?"
Snot peered at the boy befuddled. “It doesn't matter if I have other family. I
deserve what's going on because... because... “ He trailed off.
The bespectacled boy was baffled and enraged. “I'm sorry, what?! You deserve
it? What the hell are you talking about?!”
“I just... my mom drinks a lot because of my dad leaving. And now he's dead
and... I dunno, Steve. I think I need to stay behind and take care of her.”
Steve flung himself toward the boy, grabbing harshly at his jean vest to bring
him closer. “You listen to me, Snot! You don't deserve it and it's not your
fault! You have to get out of there. I don't care if your mom needs help. She
can get help but we're getting you help first, do you hear me?!”
The curly haired boy blinked at him, taken back by the intensity of his
emotion. He swallowed. “Okay... “
Steve reluctantly let him go, realizing that this wasn't the best way to
convince his friend. He turned away, trying to get a hold of his emotions,
feeling tears begin to come on.
He blinked them away. This was no time for tears. He was such a crybaby.
Facing Snot again, he reached out for his hand and took it in his own. “C'mon,
we're going to Principal Lewis to talk about this.”
Snot ripped his hand away in anger as though he'd been burned. “Wait, what?!
No! No, Steve! We are most certainly not going to Principal Lewis! Are you
crazy?!”
“I'm trying to help you!”
“No, you're not! You just... you're meddling in my life-”
“Damn right I am!” Steve interrupted. “I am! I'm meddling in your life because
you're my friend and I love you and I won't let her hurt you again!”
Snot blinked at him, unable to believe the words coming out of his friend's
mouth. He sighed, staring at his scuffed up and worn down sneakers. The black
dye of the fabric was faded, almost looking gray now. This was it. This was the
last day his life was going to seem normal. Not that this was all that normal
he supposed. This was it though. He had to make peace with it.
He looked up at his friend's pleading eyes which had begun to grow watery once
more. He smiled at his best friend even though he was dying inside. “Okay,
Steve. Whatever you think is best.”
***** Chapter 3 *****
Chapter Notes
     Tuesday morning
     In the dark
     We were finding out
     Who we are
     Tuesday Morning
     Michelle Branch
It'd been a hard couple of weeks since their visit to Principal Lewis' office
and Snot's reluctant confiding in him about his mother's constant abuse. Steve
knew he'd made the right choice with telling him when he became enraged by the
very idea of the woman striking him. Despite his flaws, he'd always been able
to count on the guy to come through for him. You know, unless there was some
kind of money involved. Or drugs, money or drugs.
He'd acted swiftly though. He'd contacted the police who'd escorted him home to
speak with his mother. Steve had stayed by Snot's side in order to keep him
calm because, to be perfectly honest, the boy was flipping out.
After a medical examination of the boy and speaking to an extremely wasted Mrs.
Lonstein, she'd been taken into custody.
Time seemed to pick up speed from then on, with so much happening in such a
short amount of time.
Snot's uncle Solomon had been the only one to respond when contacted by the
police and CPS. His other uncles, who were on his dad's side hadn't been in
contact with him for quite a while actually, since his father's funeral really.
It made sense, why would they keep in touch with him and his mom, especially
when his mom was such a bitch? He wasn't that surprised that only uncle Solomon
was reachable.
And so, his uncle took over full custody of him, what with his mom being
charged and jailed. Even if he felt like he was quite self-sufficient, there
was the matter of his only being fifteen and thus, needing a proper primary
guardian.
With all the changes that had happened, life returned to normal, sort of.
"You gotta stop coming over here so late. I mean it. I was sleeping, Snot!"
He peered at the bespectacled boy as he sat back on his bed, allowing his best
friend to crawl through the window and down onto the plush bed as well.
"Sorry, I was... doin' stuff, ya know?" Snot said shrugging.
Steve grimaced. "I just wish you'd pick an earlier time of night to come over.
It's 1:30am!"
Snot made himself comfortable on the edge of the bed, kicking off his shoes and
taking off his jean jacket but leaving the black tee on.

This had become a common routine for them, Snot showing up outside his window
late at night, the two of them usually wordlessly, laying down next to each
other to go to sleep. It was nice.

Steve knew it was hard on Snot, not being at home, in his own home in his own
bed anymore. But at the same time, why would he want to be? That place had bad
memories tied to it. He hadn't even been back by the house since the day the
cops took him away.

And so for the last several weeks, Snot had been spending much of his time at
the Smith house. If Steve's parents noticed, no one said anything. If Roger or
Klaus or even Hayley or Jeff cared, well they didn't mention it.

Steve was happy, super happy in fact. He had his friend back, he was safe and
out of danger, and hell, they'd been spending so much more time together now
which was always great.

Things were really looking up. Now if only he could just get some sleep.

He watched as the boy settled in under the covers, still in his clothes minus
the socks, shoes and jacket. “You want some pajamas? I have some-”

“Nah, I'm good.” Snot interrupted as he laid down, facing away from him.

After a moment, Steve scooted towards him to drape a hesitant arm around him.
Snot tensed up at the gesture but soon relaxed as they began to fall asleep.

...

Steve watched as Snot shrugged out of his cut up jean jacket, tossing it to the
side to then reach down and pull off his black t-shirt. It was a saturday
afternoon and the two of them had decided to spend the day swimming at his
house.

"Ooh, someone's gotta crush!" Soon came Roger's singsong voice from beside him.
Steve started, a hand flying to his chest at the surprise appearance of the
alien. "Oh my god!"
Roger giggled at the sight. Snot who was way across the yard beside the pool
took no notice.
Steve glared at him. "You surprised me!"
The alien smirked, stood there donning a pilot's outfit. "So, you got a thing
for nerdy boys. Knew it!"
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, Steve. I'm not so old I don't notice the beginnings of a schoolboy crush
anymore."
Steve gaped at him. "I don't have a crush on Snot!"
Roger arched a non-existent eyebrow. "Oh really? Well, where are your other
little friends then?"
"What? They... they were busy." Steve said glancing back at Snot who had
stripped to his swimming trunks and climbed in. He was smiling and waving at
him as he leaned on the edge.
"Hmm... so you just thought you'd go for a swim all alone with your pal, is
that it?"
"Yeah, that's it. That's it exactly!" Steve said indignantly.
"Right. Well, have fun floating around in that water, half naked with your best
bud."
"I... I will!" He said, pulling off his shirts and stripping down as well.
"Good, why don't you go do that?" Roger smirked, crossing his arms.
"I will!" He said, heading over to join Snot in the water.
A second later he came storming back, leaving a confused Snot in the
background. "It's not weird, Roger! You're makin' it weird! Stop makin' it
weird!"
Roger cackled. "I'm not, I'm really not. Look bud, all jokes aside, I really do
think you got the beginnings of a crush here so let me give you some good
advice that will save you a lot of time."
Steve crossed his arms across his chest impatiently.
"Don't hesitate confessing your feelings. The longer you draw it out, the worse
you're gonna feel. Just get out there and get it over with!"
The brunette rolled his eyes. "Wonderful, anything else?"
"Yeah, also make sure you buy the rubbers that have lubricant on them already
but don't get any of that cherry bullshit. You're gonna smell like that fake
shit for a week and it's... it's gonna be awful. But you know, safe sex and
all!"
Steve screamed and covered his ears as he ran away. "Agh! La la la la la la la
la la!"
Jumping off the edge and down into the water, Steve shivered a bit from the
temperature as he resurfaced once more.
Snot blinked at him. "What was all that about?"
Steve blushed and glanced away. "Oh nothing... just my uncle... being weird."
His friend smirked, a thought occurring to him and before the boy knew it Snot
had grabbed both of his shoulders, shoving him down beneath the water.
Once below, Steve could clearly see the black swim trunks his friend wore as he
struggled to resurface.
Letting him back up, the jewish boy laughed at the sputtering he made. Steve
glared.
"What'sa matter? Did something happen?" Snot teased him.
Unable to control himself, he blushed again, an even deeper shade of red.
Suddenly, he noticed the significant amount of bruises covering the boy's
shoulders and arms, with some even on his chest and hip. He frowned, taking on
the familiar look of worry he'd carried over the past month.
Snot matched his look. “What?” Quickly realizing, he was staring at the
bruises, he bristled, turning away. “Stop it.”
He turned and began to swim the length of the pool, wanting to prevent his
friend from staring at him like some sort of abused animal in a zoo.
Steve hung out at the edge just floating along, letting his mind wander. It
wasn't like he had forgotten they were there. It's just, he hardly ever saw him
with his shirt off. Maybe he didn't know how bad it had been? Either way, he
was kicking himself now for making a spectacle of himself with the staring. Now
he was upset, great.
Snot finished his laps and self-consciously paddled over to his friend. Steve
noticed him trying to keep his body below the surface as much as possible but
didn't comment.
“So whatcha wanna do after this? Sunday night." He said.
Steve shrugged. "Maybe... watch a movie?"
The thought of the boy curled up against him in his room and on his bed
infiltrated his mind and he shook the thought away.
'Okay, Steve, don't let Roger mess with your head. Just cool it.' He thought to
himself. He leaned up against the side of the pool, latching on with one hand
and just floating a bit.
"You okay? You're acting weird." Snot commented, cocking his head to the side.
"Yes! I'm fine! Just out of breath from swimming!" He said quickly, internally
face palming himself for his behavior.
Snot must not have bought it because he just looked at him strangely and said,
"Okay... "
Steve looked away from the boy again and over at the house. Roger had gone
inside but was creepily watching them from the kitchen sink. He gave him a big
grin and two thumbs up causing Steve to roll his eyes in disgust.
Looking back at his friend, Steve couldn't help but notice the way the boy's
normally curly locks were being straightened out and held down by the water.
His hair was so long. It was so... beautiful.

The way the sun bounced off the water of the pool really highlighted the boy's
face, almost softening his unusually rough features.
He let his eyes travel south towards his chest again and-
"Steve?" Snot asked, trying to get his attention.
He snapped back to reality. "Huh? What?"
Snot gave him a puzzled look. "What are you looking at?"
Feeling nervous suddenly, he looked everywhere but at his friend's inquisitive
eyes. "Uh... nothing... uh... I think we should get out."
"But we've only been in here-"
"I gotta get out Snot, I'm all webby!" He interrupted, quickly climbing out of
the pool and fleeing back towards the house.
Once there, he panicked when he realized he'd forgotten to grab them towels
before coming out. A quick glance over his shoulder told him Snot was on his
way over to join him and this was fast turning into the worst afternoon of his
life.
What was going on with him lately? Every little thing between him and the boy
seemed hyper-realistic and surreal.
Sporting a pretty huge boner, he had to get inside and get a towel quick, even
if it meant tracking water everywhere. He flew to the kitchen door only to find
it locked.
Roger appeared in the window on the other side, waving and smiling at him.
"Roger! Roger, let me in!" He begged as Snot approached.
The alien giggled. "Oh... no, honey, I don't think so."
"Then give me a towel! Us! Get us towels!"
Roger smirked and shook his head.
"Do you have a towel, Steve?" Snot's voice sounded from behind him. "I'm really
wet here."
Steve glared at Roger's now gleeful look at the boy's choice of words as he
began to cackle to himself.
"Roger!" Steve shrieked, his voice hitting five octaves above it's normal
range.
"Uh-uh-uh! Talk to him! Then we'll talk." He said, pulling down the shade over
the window and leaving the room.
Steve punched the door in anger and closed his eyes, trying to will his problem
away.
"Uh... Steve?"
Taking a deep breath, he turned and quickly headed over to the patio set and
sat down. He hoped he could cover himself and hide it until it went away on
it's own.
Snot raised an eyebrow. "So... your Uncle is just locking us out here?"
Steve sighed, eyes downcast. "He won't let me in until I talk to you."
"About what?" He asked, taking a seat as well.
"Just... look, promise me you won't get mad."
"That depends what it is, Steven. What did you do?" He asked reprimanding him.
He was really feeling uncomfortable now, all exposed. He considered putting on
his shirt wet, if only to cover to various blemishes on his skin. But, Steve
wasn't really looking at him anymore anyway. He sat closer to the table, using
it to cover himself along with crossed arms.
"Nothing! I mean... well, nothing to you."
Snot blinked at him, patiently waiting for him to continue.
He took a deep breath and stared at his hands on the table. "I... may... find
someone attractive. And it's confusing."
When the boy continued staring silently at him, he continued shakily. "And...
that... person may be you."
He didn't dare look at him. He couldn't believe he was doing this. This was it,
ten years of friendship down the drain. God, he was such an idiot. Why would
you ever listen to Roger?
Snot smiled at his best friend, touched by the compliment. Leaning forward on
the table, he reached out to grasp the boy's hands in his own, prompting him to
glance up. "Steve... do you really mean that?"
"Well... yeah, of course I do! Look at you!" He exclaimed loudly.
He let his eyes scale his long, pushed back hair down to his chest and stomach.
"You got that-that hair and that body! Jesus!"
"Aw, stop, Steve!" He laughed, bashfully waving his compliments away and
feeling a little better about himself.
Steve smiled and squeezed his hands, getting a little carried away. "I mean it.
You're hot! I... hope that's okay I said all that. I mean, I don't wanna make
you uncomfortable-"
"Oh no, not at all-"
"And like, if that's offensive I sincerely apologize-"
"Oh no, I mean no, not really-"
"Oh just fuck already!" Roger screamed at them, banging on the kitchen door,
his breath fogging up the glass.
The two boys blushed, staring back at the disguised alien, now dressed as some
sort of painter. He quickly moved away from the door embarrassed, leaving an
awkward silence between the two of them.
Steve chuckled nervously, rubbing at the back of his neck tensely. "Sorry about
my uncle... he has problems... from the uh... the war."
"I didn't know your uncle was in the war."
"Uh, yeah... he was."
The two glanced around the yard idly before Snot spoke up again. "So about
those towels? I'm really cold."

"The towels! Right!" Steve jumped to his feet, his little 'problem' having gone
away on it's own. "Let's just go through the front.”
As they made their way between the houses and to the front yard, Steve watched
as his father pulled into the driveway.
"Hi daddy!" He said happily as they passed by and went inside.
"Always topless those two." Stan said, shaking his head as he followed them in.

…

Snot didn't know just what was happening in his life anymore. Honestly, he
couldn't begin to explain it to someone even if he'd wanted to.
Currently, he was sitting chest deep in a tub of bubble bath at Steve's house.
Lavender candles surrounded him, half melted down onto their respective
holders. He was alone in the dimly lit bathroom although that was probably
about to change in three, two...
"Hey there, Schmuely, hon, how is the water? Is it warm enough? Or should I add
a bit more?"
He watched as his friend entered the room, walking over, hands clasped together
and smiling as sweet as molasses.
"I'm just gonna... " He mumbled as he reached over to add more hot water to the
tub.
Snot sighed and sunk deeper into the bath, trying to hide his nudity from his
friend. "Steve, I told you not to call me that!"
Steve beamed down in his friend, taking in the obviously hostile expression of
the boy. "Oh, Schmuely, don't you understand I just want to take care of you
and your needs!"
"I appreciate it Steve but don't you think the bath is a little much? I'm 15,
not 7!"
Steve took a seat on the edge of the toilet. "Don't be ridiculous! Baths are
awesome! You're never too old to have a nice, long soak. You deserve it!"
Snot pulled a face and looked away. "I guess... "
"You do! Now, if you need anything else don't hesitate to call out! I'm going
to go lie out your pajamas, nice and hot from the dryer!"
And with that, he was up and gone, making sure to shut the door behind him
securely. Snot was left alone with his thoughts, the only real thought being
that his friend was insane. But, at least he gave a shit.
He was beginning to think the boy was right though. He really needed to relax,
especially as of late. And this whole set up was really nice, actually. Steve
had put a lot of thought into the evening for him. And tomorrow was monday,
he'd have to face a whole new school week. He definitely wasn't ready for that.
Glancing down at his arms through the bubbles, he let his eyes roam over the
healing skin. The bruises he'd been suffering from were healing pretty nicely.
He'd be glad when they were completely gone.
Snot exhaled and sank deeper down into the warm water. He tried to let go of
the wound up tension in his shoulder blades and just let go.
It must have been a half hour or more before Steve ventured back in. He was
quietly tiptoeing in when Snot finally opened his eyes and caught sight of his
friend.
"Hey there buddy... you feel better, don'tcha?" Steve smiled down at his
friend, hands on his hips.
Snot sat up a bit. "You know, I do. I really do! Thanks Steve."
"Well, I'm glad. I have your robe here and some fluffy pink slippers or as I
like to call them, "slippies". You need help getting out of the tub?"
"Uh... no Steve, I'm fine, really." He rolled his eyes.
Steve grinned, his eyes lighting up a little. "Are you sure? It can be awfully
slippery!"
Snot narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him. "Yeah... I'm kinda naked here,
kinda... really naked? So I'm good."
"Alright well, I promise not to look or-"
"No Steve!" Snot yelled. "Just get out so I can get dressed!"
He noticed the boy's expression change from jubilant to something akin to
disappointment and watched him leave.
Once up and out of the tub, he drained it of it's bubbles and slid on the
fluffy white robe and slipped on the shoes.
His mind wandered to just where his mother was at that moment and what she was
up to, whether he wanted it to or not. Shaking himself free of the thoughts, he
stepped out of the bathroom and came face to face with Hayley just as she was
exiting her and Jeff's room.
"Wow." She chuckled, taking his state of dress in.
Snot blushed, suddenly feeling a bout of anger flare up. He moved to storm past
her and down the hall to Steve's room. "Excuse me."
Hayley looked concerned. "Oh wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh... I-
I just-"
"Yes you did!" Snot glared at her. "That's all you ever do is laugh at me! All
you've done my whole life."
The raven haired girl looked down guiltily. "Look, you're right. And I'm sorry!
I've only ever seen you as my dorky little brother's even dorkier little
friend. But you know what? You're much more than that! You're a person, someone
with goals and dreams and you deserve respect and happiness, just like everyone
else."

Snot folded his arms across the fabric of the fluffy white robe. "Boy, you've
hit the bong pretty hard tonight."
"What?! No! Well, yes but... look, what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I've never treated you decently. You're Steve's best friend and he
cares about you so much. So, then that means I care about you too."
She smiled at him in what seemed like a hopeful manner and he'd be lying to
himself if he didn't admit it still gave him butterflies. But they were past
all of that now. And so he returned the innocent smile.
"Wow, thanks."
She nodded at him and made her way downstairs and so he turned and headed to
Steve's room.
He found the boy reclining on the bed, already changed into his own pajamas and
messing with his tablet. "There you are! And here are your pajamas."
Snot studied the dark green and red flannel set skeptically. They looked brand
new, much like the spa like robe and 'slippies'. "Uh... "
"I hope they fit! I think I got your size right. I kept the receipt so I can
definitely swap them out for something smaller if necessary but the sales lady
was just-"
"Steve!" Snot interrupted, hastily grabbing the PJs. "They're fine I'm sure. I
just don't know why you've gone to all this trouble."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not dying, Steven! Why are you doing all of this?"
The bespectacled boy paused, for once totally speechless. He let his mind
search for the right words. Stepping forward, he placed a light hand on his
shoulder, enjoying the soft fabric of the robe. "You're my best friend. I just
want you to be happy."
Smiling at his friend, Snot placed a hand on the boy's shoulder as well, moving
to pull him in for a tight hug. "Oh Steve... "
Steve tried to ignore the strong smell of vanilla that assaulted his nasal
passages and the close proximity of their bodies and the way they were touching
ever so closely. It was beginning to drive him wild.
He felt a stab of guilt at his heart at his dirty thoughts. He couldn't take
advantage of his friend at a time like this! What was he doing?!
In one fluid motion he shoved the boy back. "Okay, hug over! Great... great
hug, buddy! Yeah!"
Snot blinked at his stance, as he was being held a foot back by the shoulders
now. Steve quickly dropped the grip and ran over to the bed to busy himself on
his tablet again. "Okay, well great uh... why don't you take off your robe? I
mean, go to the bathroom and change into your pajamas?!" He finished saying in
a frantic yell.
Steve tossed the tablet aside and jumped off his bed, eyes wild like a mad man.
"On second thought, why don't I go downstairs and uh, give you some privacy?!"
Fleeing the room and slamming the door behind him, Snot could only look on
confused by the antics of the boy. Things were definitely different now. Weird
but... good.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Notes
     Who will bring me flowers when it's over
     And who will give me comfort when it's cold
     Who will I belong to when the day just won't give in
     And who will tell me how it ends and how it all begins
     Don't ever say goodbye
     I'm only human
     Flowers For A Ghost
     Thriving Ivory
Things were settling into a more normal type pace for Snot it seemed like
nowadays. At least Steve hoped so. He wasn't a professional and he was often
way too whiny and emotional for even his own good. How on earth was he supposed
to help his best friend deal with such enormous issues?
Steve knew that Snot was hurting inside still, even if on the outside he seemed
to be a perfectly happy teenager.
The problem was, whenever he tried to bring up the issue of the boy being
displaced from his home and his mother, he shrugged it off and changed the
subject.
Watching his friend as he tore off tiny pieces of the paper he was holding
while being mesmerized by the TV in front of them, Steve finally grasped at his
wrist to bring his attention back to him.
Snot blinked curiously at his friend.
“Snot, are you okay?”
He could almost see the gate go up in those brown eyes, his demeanor subtly
changing with the question. “Yeah, why?”
Steve's eyes flickered downward towards the shreds of paper littering his lap
and now his bedroom floor. “You seem... nervous.”
Snot followed his gaze and set aside the paper on the nightstand. He stood up
and gathered all the pieces he'd shredded, tossing them in Steve's trash can in
the corner. “I'm... fine. Just bored, I guess.”
“Okay... because you seem... not fine.” Steve said quietly.
Staring into his friend's eyes, he heaved a heavy sigh. “Look, I don't want to
talk about it, okay? Can't we just... hang out? Relax?”
And that was why they spent the rest of the night cuddled up under covers in
the bed watching Doctor Who reruns. Steve wrapped his arms protectively around
his friend's waist, feeling the tremble of his chest whenever The Doctor said
something particularly funny.
…
Snot had always thought that there was no one in the universe that knew more
about Steven Anita Smith than himself. But actually staying with the boy,
spending more than the usual six hours a day that he used to with him, he had
begun to learn new things.
There were many things that had begun to get under his skin. There was the fact
that he loved to stick chewed up gum underneath his desk in his room. A concept
that to Snot had him shivering in disgust.
And then there was the fact that he was up every day at 6:30am, crack of dawn.
Even on weekends! It was a habit that was quickly gnawing on Snot's nerves
until one saturday when a persistent Steve gently nudged him awake.
He wanted him to climb onto the roof with him so they could watch the sunrise
together. As annoying as it had begun, that had been pleasant.
"Steve? It's too early for this. I went to bed at like three, seriously." He
mumbled as he watched him gently slide the window open and crawl outside.
Following him begrudgingly, Snot found himself out on the rooftop of the Smith
house, watching Steve clamber all the way up towards the top. Joining him, he
soon buried his head in his hands to try to ease the exhaustion he was feeling
at getting so little sleep.
He felt his friend's arm snake around his back and hug him closer. "Snot!
You're gonna miss it!" He said excitedly.
Lifting his head wearily, he peered out at the darkness ahead of them which was
slowly coming to life with the promise of a new day.
Snot smiled at the view as more blues and pinks began to appear along the
horizon. "Well... it is kind of pretty."
Steve beamed at him and he suddenly wondered if it was the fatigue making him
feel this lightheaded or his friend.
A few moments later and bits of orange burst across the sky as the sun began
making it's way over the horizon as well. Snot scooted in closer into his
friend's one armed embrace as they sat contentedly and watched the sunrise
together.
...
Later, as Snot sat at one end of the Smith's kitchen table, he watched as Mr.
Smith made his way into the room, settling in at his normal seat.
He busied himself on his iPad for a moment while Snot just stared quietly.
Finally, as Francine entered the kitchen, he looked up as if just noticing him.
"Hey... you're that kid."
"Snot, sir."
"Snot? What kind of name is that? What happened to good 'ol American names like
John or Henry or... "
Stan grinned to himself as he began to daydream, trailing off completely. Snot
blinked at him as Francine began whisking some eggs in a bowl, already dressed
and wearing an apron, ready for breakfast despite how early it was on a
saturday morning. Didn't most people just sleep in? Steve and his family were
weirdos.
"Snot, do you like chocolate chips in your pancakes or do you prefer
blueberries? We have both, don't worry! In fact, I can make you both together,
create some sort of hybrid, some kinda mutant pancake!" Francine said, beaming
at him.
The boy thought to himself for a moment. That question had never been asked of
him. In fact, he never usually even got a breakfast to eat in the morning. If
he did, it was cold cereal only and that was if he bothered to get it himself.
He forced his thoughts away from the dark path they tried to stray to, to
things he didn't want to think about anymore.
Francine was still stirring the bowl of eggs as he spaced out in thought.
"Snot?"
Stan was playing a balloon mobile game on his tablet. Without tearing his eyes
away from the screen he muttered, "Hey booger, my wife's talking to you."
Snapping back to reality, Snot blinked up at Steve's mother. He glanced at
Stan's incorrect nickname to refer to him but said nothing about it. Francine
was peering down at him with a look of concern on her face.
"Uh... the hybrid sounds good actually. I mean, whatever you make will be fine.
You're a wonderful cook, Mrs. S." He said smiling.
He felt out of place here, in this suburban kitchen, around these people and
all this wealth. It made him nervous and all he wanted to do was run back
upstairs, crawl under the covers and hide in the darkness, away from the rest
of the world. But Steve had sent him down here while he was showering,
insisting he bond and talk to his parents for some reason. It wasn't like they
were strangers.
"Oh my." Francine said, bringing a hand to her chest, feeling very flattered.
As she beamed down at him, he began to feel a little more comfortable and more
at ease.
"What an insightful and sweet young man you are, Snot! I'm making you super
ultra mutant hybrid pancakes by the buttload!"
With that, she scampered off back towards the stove and went about preparing
everything. Stan seemed still engrossed in his game.
Snot sat there, smiling to himself, touched by Steve's mother's genuine
pleasantness.
“So... what's your deal? Did you just move here from another school or
something? You new in town?” Stan asked, sipping at his coffee as he played a
mobile game on his iPad distractedly.
Blinking blearily at the older man, Snot found himself at a loss for words.
Finally, “No? I'm Snot. You put me in a witness protection program about a year
ago? We went to the carnival together?”
Stan blinked at him blankly, the recognition failing him.
“Steve and I used to be in a band together? You trapped us in a simulation of a
forest at the C.I.A.? No? Nothing?”
“Oh! Right, of course, I remember you. I don't have memory problems!” Stan
laughed forcibly and went back to his game, feeling very awkward.
Francine was humming along while cooking when Steve finally entered the
kitchen.
“Hey dad, hope you don't mind Snot spent the night last night.”
“Who?” He asked, eyes still glued to his game and having completely tuned out.
Steve gave him a look but chose not to respond, sitting down next to his
friend. “Snot, you wanna go to the arcade today?”
“Uh, sure. Although... I don't think I have any quarters.”
“Don't worry about it! I got a huge supply.” He grinned at his friend, making
him feel a little more at ease at the table.
Francine brought over his pancakes and set a plate of eggs in front of Stan.
Bending down to kiss Steve on the forehead, she ventured back to the stove to
finish breakfast for the rest of them.
…
They were on their way to school when it happened finally. The senior boy who
lived down the street had noticed them often coming from Steve's house together
in the mornings.
On this particular morning, he felt it worth commenting on finally. "Hey loser,
your boyfriend walk you to school every day?"
Steve clammed up, never much for confrontation so Snot decided to step in.
"Yeah I do. What's wrong? Yours doesn't?" Snot said with a smirk.
Steve looked panicked but the boy looked absolutely stupefied. He gaped a bit
before grumbling and getting in his car to speed off to school.
"Snot! That was... that was amazing! How did you even do that?!"
The taller boy faced his friend, shuffling his bag to his one shoulder. "Aw,
he's just a jerk. You shouldn't listen to him."
Steve smiled up at him bashfully. "You... you don't care that he and probably
everybody else now thinks we're dating?"
"Of course not!" Snot said as they continued on their way. Then a pause and,
"Do you?"
Snot side eyed his friend as a familiar slither of worry sidled up in his
heart. But Steve was all smiles again.
"No way, man. In fact, I'd be honored to be on your arm. A-Anyone would be
really." He stuttered nervously, keeping his steady gaze forward as they
walked, a light blush coloring his cheeks.
Snot grew quiet as he blushed as well as they continued on their journey to the
high school.
…
“Yeah? Well, maybe it's because you're still just a child and you have
absolutely no idea about the world around you, Steve! You're like... it's like
you're seven! I mean, news flash, you're a sophomore in high school!” He spat
at him, waving his arms around wildly.
Steve was outraged. “What?! I'm not a child! You take that back!”
What were they even fighting about? Snot didn't know but just at the mention of
a pretty girl at school he'd talked to earlier, and Steve had flown off the
handle. He was being way too protective lately and Snot was sick of it.
He turned to leave, intending to head to his uncle's for the night.
“Wait! Where are you going?” Steve asked, shocked.
“Home. Don't call me later. I'll call you... maybe.”
Slamming the door to get his point across, he grabbed his bike from the yard
and peddled to the farm.
With his uncle Solomon being given protective custody of him with him still
being a minor and all, he had reluctantly moved into the farmhouse with the
man.
But that hadn't stopped him from spending nearly all of his time at the
Smith's. Their house made him feel... safe, secure. He knew his uncle may be
uncomfortable with it, not used to accepting charity from others but he thought
it best not to lean too hard on a man he barely knew anyway.
Steve would cool off and so would he. It'd be best if they spent some time
apart anyway for a while.
…
Meeting with the school counselor had been rough, taking a lot out of him and
that was just their initial talk to map out a regular schedule together. Now he
was in the middle of an hour long session with her, their first, so that she
could really get to know him. He wanted to do nothing more than melt into a
puddle of goo in that seat across from her.
She'd been assigned to him not for college applications, no, they were still a
long way from that sort of thing, being sophomores and all. No, she had been
assigned to him by Principal Lewis due to his family problems. He hated it but
supposedly it was necessary.
"I know you're very analytical and I know you are passive. I know that." She
said, her critical eyes raking over him.
Snot shifted slightly on the chair, feeling uncomfortable under the direct
gaze. It was too harsh and accusatory.
"Yes and you're very... you lack confidence, that's what. You people watch a
lot. I see you. I see you."
She continued on as she turned to look down at his permanent record, going
through his case file and idly turning through this page or that.
Sitting there in this office, across the desk from this bold and brash woman,
he couldn't help but feel nervous. Sure, she was assigned to him to help him
and she probably thought she was helping him. But to him, she was just pushing
him further and further to turn inward to himself. This was a problem he had,
he'd admit it. He was a bit of an introvert. But this method was hardly
encouraging.
"Schmuely, you need to open up more and get out of your shell." She lectured,
using a name he hated worse than anything else in the world. Well, almost
anything.
He took a deep breath in through his nose and focused on getting through the
thirty minutes. "Uh-huh."
Her dark eyes regarded him again, studying his face. He swallowed nervously and
let his eyes fall away quietly.
"I want to assign you some things to work on." She said finally, shutting the
case file.
Snot nodded politely.
"First, I think you need to start writing out your goals, your dreams. I need
to know what they are. You're very quiet, you're very reserved and... I just
can't help you."
He continued sitting there silently even if on the inside he was drowning in
rage. He nodded again, barely keeping it all together.
"I am here to help you. You need to tell me what you need to succeed. So, I
want you to write down your goals and achievements you've had in your life and
also where you want to go next."
She tossed a hand up to her hair, brushing it back a bit as a few dark strands
were sticking out from her high, hair-sprayed in place ponytail.
Snot let his eyes fall to the poster on the wall next to her. It was a grouping
of words which were supposed to be or seemed to be a description of her
personality. Words like 'zany' and 'bubbly' jumped out at him in an aggressive
font.
The aggressive part was more like her than the actual words, he thought
bitterly to himself.
"Schmuely, you're a good kid but I just think that you need some guidance...
definitely some reassurance. Some confidence." She added again, peering at him
with those black lined eyes and overly made up face.
He nodded again, avoiding her intent gaze. "Uh-huh."
"Tell me, are you scared to speak up? What's going on?" She scowled at him,
sitting back in her chair and folding her hands on the desk in front of her as
if she were giving up on him.
Snot blinked at her, unable to come up with an answer. "Uh... well, no. I mean,
I'm not afraid... "
He let the statement fall and drop there, filling the tiny office with a
deafening silence.
She sighed and picked up his folder again, turning halfway through it. "So,
work on that confidence. I want to hear about you going out more and
socializing with friends and people. I want to see your goals and plans
outlined for me. You understand?"
He nodded. "Yes."
"Okay, and don't think I'm picking on you. I talk to everyone like this. I know
you probably think I'm abrasive. I know you're sheltered. That's okay."
Snot gaped at her, shocked by her statements. He quickly closed his mouth and
nodded. "Mm-hmm." He just wanted to get out of there. Maybe they were almost
done.
She glanced at a clock on the wall. "Oh my, wow. Well, looks like we're over
time. Since there's only ten minutes left in class, I'll let you go on and go
early. I'll send an email to your teacher. Have a good day!"
On the way out of the office, Snot spied the time from the clock as well. She'd
taken a thirty minute scheduled meeting and turned it into 55 minutes!
God, was he glad to be out of there.
She'd literally taken all of his last period class, which was fine he supposed.
It wasn't like he was dying to be in chemistry but you know, he also didn't
like hearing about all his faults and flaws directly to his face for nearly an
hour.
The day was about to be over so he decided to just head outside.
Making his way out of the building, he set up shop in front of the entrance by
the flagpoles. He'd wait here for Steve, their designated spot after all.
They'd made up after a day or so, neither of them ever being able to keep up
their anger at the other one for too long.
He watched a few kids wander outside, two at a time. Eventually, the bell
sounded signaling the end of the day and a flood of people rushed out and down
the steps.
Cars were lining up in front to pick people up. He watched casually as happy
families chatting, parents beaming at their kids drove away. His heart
tightened in envy and something else... despair maybe?
A gentle hand gripped at his shoulder and it took everything in him to not yell
out in surprise and fear. He did flinch but that was understandable right? He
was getting better dammit. He really was.
Glancing back at Steve, he met the warm brown eyes of the boy as he smiled
easily at him. "Hey buddy... ready to go?"
Snot smiled, relaxing under the touch after a moment. "Sure."
They began walking over across town to the arcade where Steve's mom would most
likely be grabbing them later.
"So how'd your appointment go?" He asked him and Snot clenched up.
"Uh, alright." He tried, brushing the question off.
"Oh?"
Right. He knew him and he wasn't going to let him get away with a statement
like that. He clearly didn't want to talk about it and so that meant they would
be. Damn him and his inquisitive nature.
Snot sighed. "I dunno, Steve. I mean, Ms. Sanchez wants me to be more outgoing
and talkative and... I dunno."
"Hmm. Seems like a good idea."
"What?!"
Steve shrugged, adjusting his backpack straps. "You are pretty reserved. You
don't talk much. Well, you don't talk to others. You won't shut up with me!”
Snot side eyed the smirk Steve was giving him and rolled his eyes at his
teasing. "I'm just not an open sorta guy. I'm quiet, sure, but what's wrong
with that?"
"I agree."
"What?! You just said-"
"I was merely agreeing with her. I didn't say she was right." He shrugged again
as they paused at a stop light, waiting for the walk signal to cross the
street.
Snot blinked at him curiously for a moment. "But, what if people think I'm cold
or that I don't care? What if they think I'm a snob? Maybe people don't see me
as the easygoing party guy I am and instead... what if they think I'm boring?"
"Why do you care what other people think?" Steve shrugged.
"Are you kidding me? Why wouldn't I?" He gaped at him, genuinely confused by
the statement.
Steve smiled up at his friend. "I'm your best friend and I think you're great
just the way you are. Why care what other people think? Isn't my opinion of you
good enough?"
Snot let the thought roll over his mind. "Well... I guess you're right. I
really only care about what you think. But, do you think I should open up more?
I mean, it's something she suggested. Maybe be more outgoing?"
Steve paused just outside the arcade to face his friend. The sky above was
growing darker by the minute. Storm clouds appeared to be rolling in, the
promise of thunderstorms in just a few hours.
Steve placed a gentle hand on Snot's shoulder once more. "Snot, you're perfect.
You're kind and sweet, compassionate and really hilarious. Seriously, that seal
joke? You kill me with that!"
"Oh, stop!" Snot blushed.
"You're my best friend." Steve said, letting his grin change into a simple look
of love.
Snot moved closer to him, slinging an arm over his shoulder to bring him into a
side hug. "And you're mine."
…
Friday, they'd struck it big and been given the day off school due to a faculty
holiday. Feeling very ill, Steve wondered what it was he ate to make him feel
so bad. It was either that or he was coming down with a nasty flu. Thank
goodness, he didn't have to suffer through school.
He sank further down into the couch cushions he was laying against, just
wishing he could pass out.
The house was quiet for once. Everyone seemed to be out doing their own thing,
even Snot.
He'd bid him goodbye earlier that morning, after they'd gotten up, telling him
he had some stuff to do with his uncle and some distant cousins who were in
town.
Steve had wanted to come along but with his clammy looking exterior and general
sickly look Snot had refused. He'd also tried to impress upon him that this was
family stuff and that his uncle sadly probably wouldn't like him tagging along.
It wasn't that he didn't like him, he had really no opinion of him. It was
just, he was a traditionalist, very orthodox and preferred family over
everything else. Family was most important. Ironic, considering his lack of
presence in his life up until recently but he didn't want to make waves.
No matter, Steve had said. He'd just keep himself entertained today, maybe do
something with Roger. And yet, once the clock struck 11am, the gray alien was
gone, off on some adventure no doubt.
Steve felt himself nodding off slightly and considered a nap but shook the
thought off when he realized it was only 1pm. Too early still for any sort of
slumber, no he just needed to distract himself from his stomach woes.
He clumsily reached out to grab the remote from the coffee table, noting the
way his tired muscles ached with the stretch. Maybe he did have a cold?
Clicking the tube on, he idly watched an infomercial that had just started
which was selling some kind of veggie spiraler.
He glanced towards the kitchen when he noticed how dry his throat had grown.
Having gotten a drink and now back on the couch, Steve flipped through a few
more channels, trying to find something more interesting than an infomercial.
But that was what was on this time of day he supposed.
Eventually, he just fell asleep, letting the TV drone on in the background of
the empty house, waking only once when Klaus came by, only to fall asleep once
more.
***** Chapter 5 *****
Chapter Notes
     You're like a party somebody threw me
     You taste like birthday
     You look like New Years
     You're like a big parade through town
     You leave such a mess but you're so fun
     -The Party, Regina Spektor
It had been an hour or so since Snot had returned back to the Smith house. He'd
seemed tense but wasn't willing to talk about, insisting that everything was
fine because of course it was. Steve had been delirious, still half-asleep on
the couch and upon Snot's insistence had agreed to go lie down upstairs.
Snot had mentioned heading home due to his being sick but Steve had made him
promise to stay for dinner with his family. He'd just take a quick nap for an
hour or two and then he'd come back downstairs so they could spend the rest of
their 3 day weekend together.
And that was how Snot now found himself sitting alone for once with Steve's
sister, his once upon a time crush. They were in the living room and it was
deathly quiet.
He actually wished for Steve's parents to come home already. Hell, he'd even
take Steve's creepy, weird uncle over this awkwardness.
Hayley looks at him, like really looks at him and she swears she can see the
pained expression behind his eyes, although it is hidden well. She knows the
pain he must be hiding, the ridicule he must be trying to avoid, on top of all
the other awful things he's had to deal with as of late.
She's seen the way he and her brother look at each other, the way they act. She
knows the signs.
Setting aside the book she had been reading, she decides to do something about
it. "Snot, do you need to talk about something?"
He's suddenly stiff as a board, rigid and sitting up straight, looking suddenly
very afraid. "What? No? Why?"
His mind is moving a mile a minute, trying to figure out what's happened, what
she's playing at?
The raven haired girl smiles easily, trying her best to look comforting from
her seat on the couch. Snot is facing her now, shoving his back up against the
edge of the couch and armrest as forcibly as can be, desperate for escape.
"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable while you're staying here. I know
you've been through a lot-"
"I'm fine." He snaps, interrupting her, his eyes downcast suddenly.
Hayley perseveres. "Snot, can I give you some advice?"
She waits until he nods hesitantly before she continues. "Life isn't easy and
no one really knows why we're here or what the point of it all is. But I think
the meaning of life is just to be really."
He glances up at her, the way a frightened animal might, eyes looking up sadly
through long dark lashes. She loses herself for a moment, taken back before
finding her voice once more. "The point of life is that it ends and all we can
do in the here and now is be happy."
Something seems to have struck a nerve in the boy because his eyes go a little
misty as he looks down at his hands once more, letting the thoughts sink in.
Truthfully, he's thinking about his father and the funeral but he'd never admit
it. After a moment, he looks up again silently.
She searches her heart for what else to say, knowing nothing will ever be
enough for the broken in him. That's something he has to fix himself. After a
moment though, she smiles. She's got this.
She peered at him knowingly. "You know, there's a great quote I love to live
by. 'No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'”
Snot blinked at her, as the words seemed to take him over as he took them in.
"Wow... that is a great quote."
"Eleanor Roosevelt." She said nodding knowingly.
"Maybe I do give other people too much power over me. I-I really gotta start
living my life for me and... stop being afraid of everything all the time."
She frowned at the heartbreaking tone of voice he held. "You can do whatever
you want to do, Snot. Be whoever you want to be. But... you'll never do any of
that if you let people keep you down."
And then he did something she never expected him to. He smiled at her. And it
warmed her heart.
"Hayley... thank you. You... you really make a lot of sense, you know?"
"Well... " She shrugged, smiling at him bashfully.
Snot nodded to himself. "Yeah... I have a lot of potential, I just need to get
myself together."
"What's first?" She asked curiously, as she reached out for her book once more.
"What?" He asked, feeling completely thrown for a loop.
Hayley grinned. "What do you plan on tackling first?"
She watched as he stood up from his seat. "First... first, I'm going to fix my
relationships. Then... I guess I'll just focus on school and my future. Either
way, it's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and letting my life just make
it's decisions for me."
"I think you're on to something there." She smiled up at him.
"Thanks, Hayley." He said smiling at her as he left the living room, heading
upstairs to Steve's room.
…
Tiptoeing inside the darkened bedroom, he looked over Steve's sleeping form,
worrying his lip at the sudden sickness that had overtaken him. He was sure it
was nothing but he couldn't help but worry.
He sat upon the edge of the mattress and reached out a gentle hand to brush his
hair to the side and out of his face where it had fallen. The boy stirred a bit
and opened his eyes.
“Sorry... I didn't mean to wake you up.” Snot said quietly, his hand still on
his cheek.
Steve yawned tiredly before peering up at his friend and noticing the beaming
smile on his friend's face. "It's okay. What's with you? Why you smiling like
that?"
Snot shrugged, finally retrieving his hand and glancing around the dark
bedroom. "Steve... I think I'm gonna try to reach out to my family and talk to
them about what's happened."
The reaction he got was not what he'd expected. "What?! You can't! You're
still... grieving!"
Steve sat up, tossing the covers aside but immediately regretting it due to the
rush of his head. He was definitely coming down with something.
Snot cocked an eyebrow at him. "What gives? I thought you'd love this idea. Me
connecting with my family? It's just like when my dad died and you made me
truck myself all the way across the country to california!"
Steve shook his head furiously. "No! That had a specific purpose which was to
get you to feel your father's loss. You've already felt enough, Schmuely. You
need to heal now. You've felt... too much." He placed a gentle hand on his
friend's shoulder, squeezing it and kneading it softly.
Snot was beginning to grow frustrated. "Well, I can't just keep wallowing in
misery, Steve! I need to... to... do something, ya know?! Your sister seemed to
be on board with me changing things!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa... Hayley suggested this? Yeah, Snotters, I'm gonna have to
point out that the girl doesn't exactly have her own life together." Steve said
chuckling to himself as he leaned over to retrieve his glasses from the night
stand.
Snot stood up from the bed angrily. "Steve! You're not listening to me! I need
to do something. I need to be productive. I don't want to be this sad loser
anymore!"
Growing worried that his friend was going to begin pulling away from him, he
clutched fistfuls of his jean jacket in his hands to bring him back to a seated
position again and looked deeply in his eyes. “Snot, I don't... please don't
shut me out. I just want you to be happy.”
Sensing his friend's worries, Snot smiled at him and gently removed his hands.
“I'm not shutting you out. I just... I think maybe I should go see someone
about this. You know, an actual therapist. Not like Ms. Sanchez. She's just a
school counselor.”
Steve frowned. “Well, that might be a good idea, I suppose.”
“You feel any better?”
“A little, I guess. Although, that probably has more to do with you being
here.” The bespectacled boy said shyly.
Snot grinned and bumped his shoulder with his own. “C'mon, I'm hungry. Let's go
downstairs and order a pizza or something.”
...
Later that night, when Steve thought they'd really put the matter to rest, it
appeared once more, unsettling his previously settled nerves.
"Steve, I don't think I should stay over anymore."
Steve sat up in bed looking aghast as he turned to his friend. "What? Why not?
You don't like it here?"
Snot sits up too, pushing back the heavy covers. They were way too hot but
Steve did have a cold and a fever so... "It's not that it's just... don't your
parents care that I've been over here so much?"
Steve waved him off. "Oh please. They're so wrapped up with their own thing
going on, they don't pay attention to me."
Sensing his friend still had concerns, he reached out and forced the boy to lie
back down. "Now, why don't you just lay back and relax and don't worry your
pretty little head?"
Snot rolled onto his side so they were lying face to face. He smiled. "You're
such a good friend."
"And you're my best." Steve said, mirroring the look.
“No, really. You open your home, your family doesn't mind me hanging around.
It's... well, it's nice and definitely a change from what I've experienced.”
“Well, yeah, my parents are pretty awesome. Hayley's okay most of the time too.
And Jeff, well... he's annoying but he's alright most of the time.”
Snot averted his gaze and lowered his voice. “My uncle thinks that I'm not
serious enough about my faith.”
Steve just cocked an eyebrow curiously.
“He thinks I'm too much of a little kid and I just need to grow up and get over
things.”
The bespectacled boy looked at him intently. “Snot, you deal with things in the
speed you have to. No one is in charge of that but you. You just do what you
need to do to feel better.”
Snot looked at him and grinned. “I think I do.”
Steve smiled.
…
Despite all of his progress and willingness to move on, Snot supposes he can't
just wave a magic wand and instantly feel 100% better. Sometimes he has dreams,
nightmares and terrible ones at that. Ones where he wakes up panting and often
screaming in the middle of the night. Thankfully, it only seems to happen when
he's at his uncle's house, so primarily during the week.
He figures it comes with the territory but he really wishes he could just get
over it already. It was in the past. He has to move on. He hates that his uncle
has gotten in his head but he supposes he's right.
Snot sighed, rubbing at his face trying to get the cold sweat off. Sitting up
in bed, he swings his legs over the side to go venture down the hall and wash
his face a bit.
At uncle Solomon's the house was always super quiet, a stark difference between
this place and the Smith house, a whirlwind of activity at any time of day. He
often missed it during the week but he figured he'd ought to spend more time
with his uncle who, not only agreed to allow Snot to live with him for the
remainder of high school but on top of that had treated him with dignity and
respect, something that he'd found he'd been sorely lacking without realizing.
He'd been doing such a good job so far in keeping up the appearance that he was
feeling better, especially when around Steve. He didn't want him to worry so
he'd just tried to be as actively chipper as he could. Energetic, cheerful, all
that good stuff. It wasn't hard really. He had been able to fool just about
everyone but Steve. Steve was of course, harder to fool.
Sometimes he seemed to catch on to his sadness, particularly on those times
when he caught him staring off in to the distance and looking distracted. He
knew he probably looked forlorn or upset in some way by the pinched expression
the bespectacled boy often wore. He'd have to work on that some more.
Snot dried his face and gazed at his reflection in the mirror before him. There
was a rustle from down the hall and he knew he must have woken his uncle.
“Schmuely? Is everything okay? It is an ungodly hour.” He stated grumpily from
behind the bathroom door.
“Yes! I'm fine. Just had to... use the restroom.” He took his time in choosing
his words, knowing how dignified and how much of a prude the older man was.
“Yes, well, get to bed. It's late.” He simply responded.
Snot heard the tell-tale sounds of the man going back to his bedroom and
relaxed a little. This was going to take some adjusting to.
…
He can't believe what he's witnessing, like really, can't believe it. Steve
stands there, just outside a darkened classroom in the middle of their high
school, watching them like some kinda freak. He doesn't say anything, doesn't
want to draw their attention to him and so instead he just stands there in the
shadows.
Snot and this girl he's with, what's her name, Lisa, are pressed to one
another. Their lips, their hands are grasping, reaching out for one another.
She sits on a desk as he holds her close, hands clutching to her back, standing
in the space between her thighs and Steve notices as they begin to wrap around
him and squeeze.
They're making out, using the cover of the darkened room to their advantage,
that and the fact that it's nearing 4:30pm and who in their right mind would
still be at school?
Steve is torn. A part of him wants to yell out in outrage at the two of them,
in disgust at their actions. A part of him wants to run away, forget he ever
saw what he saw (yeah right), and just head home. And a part of him wants to
keep quiet, hidden just slightly out of view and keep watching, curious as to
just how far they'd go.
He's not sure what he wants to do really. He shifts from one foot to the other,
glancing back down the hall to see if any of them were in any danger of being
discovered. But no, everyone is either occupied outside with sports or they've
already left for the day.
Steve thinks then, with a heavy heart, that that's just what he'll do too.
He'll slink away with his tail between his legs and disappear back into the
shadows. They'll be left alone to their business as they should be.
But just as he's made up his mind to go, Snot's voice interrupts his thoughts,
floating into his ear canal and circling his brain in that alluring way it
does.
"Hey... what are you doin'?"
At first Steve panics, thinking he's surely been discovered by his best friend.
He spins back around but realizes that he's talking to her.
The girl giggles and reaches to move her hands further down to his shorts but
he stops her with a firm grasp of her wrists.
"I don't think we should get that crazy here. What if someone sees us?" Snot
continues, a hesitant voice.
"No one's going to see us. Don't worry about it!" Lisa reassures and Steve can
hear the smile in her voice, even if he can't exactly see it well from the hall
and the darkened class room.
Snot stills her moving hands again, his voice sounding stern. "No, look, I
don't want it to be like this. When we... if we go any further, it can't be
here."
He struggles for words for a moment, unable to fully convey how he's feeling
but Steve knows that particular tone he's carrying in his voice. He's heard it
at least a hundred times before, having known him for so long. He prides
himself on knowing the boy's expressions and mannerisms even if to others it
might seem borderline creepy.
The girl sighs, obviously frustrated as she hops down from the desk. She tugs
down her skirt which had begun to hike up and ran a haphazard hand through her
ponytail to smooth the hair back down. Snot stepped back to allow her some
space.
"Okay, fine Snot. Look, I'm gonna go."
She begins to move toward the doorway which leaves Steve scrambling down to the
other side of the lockers to try to hide. He strains his ears to hear the last
bits of their conversation.
"H-hey! You wanna maybe go get some ice cream or something?" He hears Snot ask
cheerfully.
A sigh. "No, I'm just... I've gotta get home. I'll see ya."
Steve watches as she, thankfully, heads the other direction down the hall away
from him. He jumps into action, pretending to just so happen to be walking down
the hall the minute Snot emerges from the classroom. Very nonchalant.
"Oh, hey! Snot! I was looking for you, man!"
Snot looks upset, like really upset. His eyes downcast, he barely seems to
acknowledge the greeting from his friend. "Hey Steve. "
Steve frowns, troubled by the sudden turn of demeanor. Surely, the girl can't
mean that much to him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. It's just... Lisa... "
The shorter boy moves to place an easy arm around Snot's drooping shoulders. He
shakes him a bit to try to rattle loose the sad look upon his face. "Aw, what's
the matter, buddy?"
"She... I don't think she likes me."
"What? Why do you say that?" He asks and the puzzled tone in his voice is real
because he could have sworn he just witnessed the two playing tonsil hockey. Of
course she likes him.
"She doesn't- she thinks I'm lame. I know she does."
Snot doesn't look up as he says all this, choosing to keep his eyes glued to
the tile floor. Steve feels something akin to fire building inside of him.
Letting go of the boy to instead grip either side of him, he yells out, "That's
ridiculous! Lame?! She's the lame one!"
Snot eyes his friend, the smallest hint of a smile edging onto his face at the
boy's squeaky high vocals. It was his signature whenever he became upset in any
way.
"Snotters, you're far from lame. You are the single handed coolest guy I know.
You're so amazing and she... she doesn't deserve you, alright?! She can't even
see how cool you are! It's her loss!"
All smiles now, Snot reaches up to grasp at Steve's hands if only to stop him
from shaking him back and forth and throttling him any more. He chuckles.
"Okay, Steve, whatever you say."
He's happy just to be with Steve now honestly. His particular brand of optimism
is refreshing and addicting and something that never fails to put him in better
spirits. For every day he faces that is confusing and leaves him feeling less
than sure about his place in the universe, Steve is his one constant, his
(0,0).
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
     I don't want to talk
     About things we've gone through
     Though it's hurting me
     Now it's history
     I've played all my cards
     And that's what you've done too
     Nothing more to say
     No more ace to play
     -The Winner Takes It All, ABBA
Thud. Thud. Thud.
Snot paused in the heavy swinging of the hoe to wipe a bit of sweat from his
brow. The quickly approaching summer heat was really starting to get to him. He
glanced up at the sun overhead, which barreled down upon them with such
intensity.
He glanced at his uncle, hard at work tilling the fertile soil before them.
After a moment, he caught his glance and paused in his toiling. “What is it,
Schmuely?”
Frowning and instantly turning back to his work, not wanting to get another
lecture, he muttered, “Nothing.”
But his uncle remained still, just standing and watching him as he began
swinging the meal once more, concentrating on their work. Finally he cleared
his throat, wiping the sweat off his own face. “Let's... let's take a break,
Schmuel.”
The boy glanced at the older man curiously but moved back towards the house to
stow the hoe up against a wall and enjoy the shade of the porch. He collapsed
into one of the patio chairs and a second later was rewarded with an ice cold
glass of water.
“Thanks.” He hungrily took it, gulping it down.
He eyed his uncle as he slumped down into one of the seats, enjoying his own
water. “Are you adjusting well to life here?”
The question was so abrupt and out of character for the man that Snot choked on
a bit of his water. He recovered quickly and blinked at the man. “Yes, of
course.”
“Good. I just want to make sure you're doing well.”
Ah yes, so prim and proper. That was the uncle he had become familiar with over
the course of the last few months. He was quiet and traditional and didn't like
to make a fuss or become too emotional. Snot supposed he appreciated that sort
of environment, especially nowadays. He was ready to just put all drama aside
and try to recover what could only be thought of now as the remaining of his
turbulent teenage years.
Snot held the glass of water in a tight grip in his lap, the sweat of the glass
cooling his skin nicely, the ice already disappearing into the liquid
completely from the heat. “I am.”
“How is your schooling?”
“It's fine, uncle.”
“And, do you have any girlfriends?”
Another question that caught him off guard and he paused to consider it. He
glanced out at the immense field before them, lost in thought. “There is one
girl that I've been talking to. But, I don't think things will be working out
with her.”
“Is she a shiksa?”
Snot blinked and faced his uncle, at a loss for words. Lisa is, of course, not
jewish at all. Her long blonde hair is evidence of that. He lets his mind
consider the fact that his uncle probably wouldn't care at all that she was a
bit flirtatious and loose with her morals. As long as she was jewish, well that
would be good enough for him. He considers that if he were talking about a boy
instead that their conversation would be entirely different.
And suddenly he mind turned to Steve. Odd.
Snot allowed himself to imagine a world where he and Steve were together and
his uncle was fine with it. He began to imagine them attending shabbat dinners
together and temple, were they to find one with an open mind, that is.
So lost in his fantasy that his uncle had to call out to him more than once to
get his attention.
“What?” He asked, bringing himself back to the present.
“Schmuel, I was asking if she was a jew?”
“Oh.” He muttered disappointed to be back in reality after all. “No, she's... I
mean, she's not.”
“Schmuel, you have to stop wasting your time with this nonsense. When are you
going to find a nice girl?”
Snot suppressed the annoyed sigh that was threatening to announce itself and
focused on gulping down the rest of his water. And they had been having such a
nice day.
“I just want you to have a nice life, be a provider. You know, focus on your
faith.” His uncle continued, sipping at his water thoughtfully.
Setting the glass down on the wooden porch, the boy turned to face his uncle in
frustration. “Maybe I don't want to settle down. I am only fifteen, you know.”
“Sure, but it's never too early!”
“Look, it doesn't matter if Lisa is jewish or not or whatever. Like I said,
that's not going to work out.”
The older man peered at his nephew, his wise eyes regarding him with curiosity.
“Anything worth having is worth working hard for. You just need to put your
intention to it.”
“Okay, maybe I don't want it to work out.” Snot shrugged, averting his gaze
back to the field.
“Is there another girl?”
Damn. Maybe he was more in touch with the world around them than he'd first
suspected. But still, there was no other girl or boy for that matter. There was
nothing and no one. As much as he wanted to even consider there might be a
slight, slim chance of he and Steve becoming something, maybe, someday, he knew
not to waste his time with dreams and fantasies, especially not now. Now it was
time to be grounded and logical and get his life together, like his uncle
wanted.
Solomon continued, still peering at his nephew intensely. “Perhaps, you should
pursue this new girl, if she means that much to you, if she is so distracting
to you.”
Snot blinked at him. “Distracting?”
“I see you. You are such a distracted boy, my Schmuel. I remember you when you
were very young, this high.” He said and moved to hold a hand at his knee's
level, indicating his height back then. “You were always very adventurous,
interested in the world around you. Such energy you had. You are still the same
and yet, I find that you are very often distracted and not present in the world
around you.”
Had he really been that obvious about his feelings for his best friend? He
liked to think he was talented at keeping secrets from people, almost everyone
including his overbearing uncle. Snot worried his lip a little as he considered
opening up and being honest with his him. After all, Snot wasn't honest with
anyone anymore and he was beginning to become concerned that all the intensely
focused secretive nature was going to kill him.
Looking over at his uncle, who was still watching him, Snot frowned and looked
down to play with the fabric of his olive colored shorts. “Well, I've been
dealing with a lot, you know? I'm trying my best.”
“Of course you are.” His uncle agreed gently and glanced out at the fields. A
breeze was picking up, allowing them a nice bit of relief from the heat.
Feeling like if he didn't just propel himself forward now, he never would. Snot
forced himself to boldly continue on. “Uncle Solomon, I do have feelings for
someone else. I have for a long time, but I don't know how to act on them. I
don't want them to react badly or just feel sorry for me. I don't want them to
feel like they have no choice but to return my feelings.”
He swallowed, his mouth suddenly very dry as he made sure to keep his pronouns
gender-neutral.
“Schmuely, you should always be open and honest in everything you do. You know,
a half truth is a whole lie.”
Snot looked at the man, really looked at him and for the first time in his
life, actually felt close to him. He smiled. “Thanks, Uncle Solomon. That...
actually helps.”
“Good! Then, can we get on with this? It's so hot today!”
Snot laughed and followed his uncle back out to the field to finish out the
crops.
...
Sometimes pretending and playing make believe gets hard. Sometimes, Steve
doesn't know how much longer he can keep it up, if he can keep it up.
Like for instance, those rare occasions that Snot actually attracts someone
that isn't him. Like when a pretty girl from their chemistry class gets paired
up with him because Steve wasn't there that day.
Like when a girl figures out that he's charming, smart and funny and Steve
panics because Snot's like a well kept secret that he's been keeping quiet all
these years. It's not like he has any delusions about it, he knows that he's
quite jealous and possessive of the guy. Hey, he was here first dammit,
everyone else can take a number!
And yet for all his silent and woeful internal complaining, Snot remains
oblivious to it all. Crazy, right? And so, when the boy is entertaining himself
with the latest pretty young lady who is showing him attention, these are the
times Steve likes to retreat even further into fantasy land than he normally
does.
Then there are of course, the even more serious moments when he feels like his
escapism is a necessary component of his day to day life. Like when his father
makes a disparaging remark about a particularly effeminate looking man on their
street. Or when he complains that “gays” are adopting all the children leaving
none for the straight folk.
It's hard to keep the ugliness of reality from slipping in on him on those
days. He doesn't want to think his father is a bad person because he's not
really. He's just... ill-advised and ignorant. Is it his place to set him
straight? Maybe, but he's not quite sure he's ready for the commitment that
would take. After all, his sister has it under control, right?
Maybe when he's 30 and financially stable, living in a big city. Maybe then,
he'll pick up the phone one day and place a long put off phone call to the man
and explain everything. Maybe.
Steve closed his eyes, as he rested his forehead against the cool pane of glass
of the car window. It was beginning to rain.
His father was driving him home from the doctor, going on about this and that
but Steve had begun to tune him out entirely.
The gray skies all around them matched his mood as he tried but failed to stay
positive.
As they pulled into the drive way, his father was going on happily about some
joke he'd heard at work but Steve just moved around the car and past him to go
into the house, leaving a bewildered Stan in the misting rain.
Upstairs now, he shuts the bedroom door firmly behind him and collapses on his
bed, face down. Deciding it'd be best to stay in this position for the rest of
his life, he remains there until it becomes too difficult to breathe easily.
Rolling on to his side, Steve eyes his mp3 player on the nightstand nearby. He
sits up and snatches it, beginning to scroll through several songs before
selecting one to listen to. The earbuds in his ears crank out the melancholy
melodies of Patsy Cline's “I Fall To Pieces”, a secret only his mp3 player and
he share in a house full of family members who would surely poke fun at him for
it.
The storm outside is growing stronger as he glances through the blinds covering
his window. The tree in the front yard is swaying furiously from the heavy
wind.
The song's lyrics seem oddly perfect for him at the present time and he sinks
down into his pillows to recline down on the bed, letting the song play on.
Removing his glasses, he shuts his eyes and lets his mind drift to Snot.
Their history was a confusing one, difficult to explain to others. It hadn't
always been this way. Once upon a time, Steve hadn't thought it so strange, the
relationship they shared.
But after receiving far too many strange looks from friends and family alike,
he had learned that perhaps, their friendship wasn't on the same level as many
others.
Of course, he and Snot were super close, way closer than he and Barry or Toshi
ever had been. But, he supposed, that was just because they were super best
friends, they were just closer is all.
It wasn't strange, it was normal.
The looks he had begun receiving from Hayley had been the straw that broke the
camel's back for him. After recanting their day's activities to her one
evening, he'd seen the familiar glimmer in her eyes of someone that had been
taken back by his statements. When he'd questioned why she was staring at him
in that manner, she'd cooly responded that she thought he was trying too hard
to cover up feelings that were perfectly normal. When he angrily demanded what
she meant, she'd responded that “friends” didn't give back rubs to each other,
nor did they expect a “goodbye kiss” from them if they were going out of town
for a while.
To be fair, she wasn't trying to be obnoxious, that was just who she was. And,
he was sure he was being a baby but he'd stormed upstairs in a huff anyway.
Still, it had made him begin to think seriously that maybe their friendship was
really just covering up something more, something he didn't like to think about
too often.
Steve opened his eyes, peering up at the popcorn like ceiling of his bedroom.
He heaved a big sigh, wondering if coming out to the boy would be the best idea
after all. He was so tired of it all, the wondering, the exhausting analyzing
of every single touch between them. And then there was the whole opposite sex
thing, having to deal with the idea of Snot with someone else.
If it seemed absurd, their relationship, that's because it was. Hayley had made
that much clear to him and he was really beginning to see her point. If the
only thing keeping the two of them apart was his reluctance to actually move
forward with their relationship then that was a pity. It really was.
Sitting up in bed, he paused the song on his mp3 player and yanked the earbuds
out of his ears in frustration. It was time he took action. He couldn't just
stay in this constant purgatory of secretive feelings and thoughts and looks
that meant way more than what they were perceived to mean.
He had to make his intentions understood, especially since this Lisa girl
threatened to take the boy away from him for good.
...
His phone buzzes and at first he doesn't even hear it, too busy watching TV
with his uncle in their living room. After a moment, he notices the blinking
light and turns the screen on to check.
Steve has texted him and the very idea brings a smile to his face. They hadn't
talked all day, of course he'd been very busy and Steve knew that his uncle was
insistent he spent more time at home with him. He respected that and thus had
been more than willing to give him space and try not to bother him. Now
however, it was late, well 8PM and after the sabbath. Steve probably thought it
okay to reach out.
'I need to talk to you. Can you come over?'
Snot glanced from his phone to his uncle, who was mesmerized by the TV.
He bit his lip and typed back a hasty reply. 'im not sure... my uncle may not
like me leaving this late.'
The response was almost immediate. He was glad he'd put the phone on vibrate so
his uncle hadn't become suspicious.
'It's really important. I need to see you. Can you meet me in the tree house?'
Snot blinked at the rather ominous text on screen. Well, now he had to go, no
matter what. Even if he got caught, even if it meant he'd be in trouble with
the older man. Steve was important to him and if he needed him, he needed him.
That was that.
“Schmuel, why always with the electronics? Why can't you ever put that thing
down for a few minutes?”
Speaking of his guardian. Snot set his phone aside and smirked at his uncle.
“I'm sorry.”
“You kids and your devices.”
He turned back to the show, completely ignoring him and Snot tried to piece
together just how he'd be able to sneak out. Feigning a yawn, he stood up from
his seat and stretched.
“Tired, my nephew?”
“Yes, Uncle Solomon. Today was a lot of hard work. I'm not used to it.”
“Well, perhaps you should get some sleep. Go off to bed then. Get your rest as
the growing boy you are.”
Snot tried not to smirk as his plan was working perfectly. “Sure, Uncle
Solomon. Good night.”
If the man was suspicious at all, he gave no indication of it. He was glued to
the TV still, as Snot quickly made his way down the hall to his bedroom.
Shutting the door gently, he looked around at the dimly lit area. This really
was his bedroom now, at least he beginning to feel that way.
He'd tried his best to make this his new home. He'd moved only a handful of
things from his mother's house at first, just necessities, feeling far too numb
and brittle to be able to visit that place. But after a while, along with his
uncle, he had ventured back to get the rest of his stuff. Now that he was fully
moved in and had unpacked all of his boxes, the room really did feel like home
to him.
He smiled proudly at the progress he had seemed to make. Clicking on the
oscillating fan he used when he slept, he listened carefully for any sounds of
his uncle heading down the hall. Nothing.
The fan's sounds were filling the small room and he clicked off the night stand
lamp that had been left on, drowning the room in darkness. Shuffling the covers
on the bed around to look like a figure was sleeping underneath them, he then
carefully lifted the window pane up to clamber out and head to Steve's house.
…
It hadn't been raining when he'd taken off from the farm but of course, of
course it picked back up again before he was even halfway to Steve's. So, as he
reached the top of the tree, climbing up inside the tree house, Steve looked
up, apparently shocked at the image of the drenched boy.
“Oh my god, Snot! You're soaking wet!”
“Well, it is pouring down rain, Steve.” Snot muttered flatly as he took off his
jean jacket, trying to shake it out of all of it's water.
Steve frowned at him, the sound of the pitter patter of the rain hitting the
roof of the small wooden tree fort. They were getting older now and the once
enormous tree house now seemed to be shrinking with their growth spurts and
increased heights.
Snot gave up trying to dry out the jacket and just let it lay flat across the
floor. “So... what did you want to talk to me about?”
Oh god. Steve began to panic. This was it. This was how he died, of a heart
attack next to his best friend, in the middle of a thunderstorm. How
melodramatic.
“Steve?” Snot pressed, looking worried by the stricken look playing across the
bespectacled boy's face.
The black t-shirt the boy usually wore was tight and clinging to him in the
most alluring way and Steve found himself distracted. He shook himself out of
it and took a deep breath.
“Okay, look, I have something to tell you. It's... not gonna be easy. I don't
know if you're going to like it.”
Snot was all ears now, worried about the serious expression the boy wore.
“Steve... “
He watched as the boy turned to walk over to the “window” which was really just
a cut out area in the wood which had no glass over it. It was completely open
to the elements. Good thing it was close to summer and the rain made the air
more humid, not cooler.
Steve stared out at the falling rain. “You know how I said before that I find
you attractive?”
Snot smiled to himself at the memory, reveling at his position behind the boy
where Steve was unable to see his glee. “I do.”
That had been a good day. Honestly, it had shocked him that Steve had even
brought up such a thing but it had given him something to hold on to, a
positive and hopeful thought even if it had quickly been dashed by reality
coming down upon it.
“Well I do.” Steve continued, still not facing him. “And more than that, Snot.
I want... I wish we could be more than just best friends, you know?”
His voice went up an octave, an unsure sound cultivating and shaping the
question than now hung in the air. He didn't face him yet, he didn't dare.
Snot thought he'd lost all feeling in his legs and was sure he was dreaming.
This wasn't happening, right? He was asleep in his bed at home. Right?
When the jewish boy didn't respond right away, Steve's heart sank. He struggled
to find the words to continue, wishing he could just escape back to his house
down below. Maybe if he angled his landing just right he could fling himself
out the-
“Steve, what are you saying?” Snot asked, interrupting the boy's train of
thought.
He was panicking now, full blown panicking. What could he say that didn't sound
ridiculous? What was he supposed to say? What did Snot want him to say?
He faced him then and saw the look on Snot's face, one filled with insecurity,
a look of worry on his face that matched his own.
He steels himself and moves forward anyway. “Do you remember that pact we
made?"
"The kiss oath?" Snot asks.
"No."
"The one where we promised never to talk about-?"
"No, no!" Steve says, trying to move forward as quick as possible. "The one
where if we're both single and out of college... " He pauses, unsure if he's
willing to finish that statement.
The brunette finishes it for him anyway. “We get married?”
And there it was. The thing that they'd both been avoiding talking about since
that very spirited night long ago that they'd even made the pact. They'd been
up all night during one of their sleepovers. Barry and Toshi had long fallen
asleep and it had been nearing 5am. They were twelve going on thirteen and
quite sure that they knew everything about the world around them. They had
become captains of the seventh grade, at least in their minds.
It had started as a dumb joke but morphed into serious conversation between the
two. If neither of them were able to find someone by the time they turned
twenty one, which was so far away at that point, then of course they would
marry each other. Why not? It seemed like the only logical thing to do!
As time went on, Steve had entertained the thought more than once. It warmed
his heart when times were hard. When he felt down about getting rejected by
some girl at school, simply remembering their pact brought a smile to his face.
It was a joke, sure, but in his heart he had always hoped that maybe, just
maybe, it would come to fruition.
Snot brought his attention back to the present as he took a hesitant step
forward. “Are you saying you... don't want to do that?”
“What? No! Of course not. I mean, unless you don't want to?”
The jewish boy frowned and averted his gaze. “I think it's a good idea.” He
didn't dare say what he really thought.
Steve took another deep breath and forced himself to move forward. “What if we
just... moved that pact up a little? Like, what if we just... dated... now?”
Feeling like he'd had the wind knocked out of him, Snot gaped at his best
friend. “What? Really? You want to... date?”
“Yeah. You know, because of the pact. Pacts are serious things.”
“Like kiss oaths?” Snot asked, grinning in that cheeky way he always did and
Steve felt a little less emotional and a little more relaxed.
“Kiss oaths are very serious.”
Snot bit his lip and ventured over to a stack of comics, which lay scattered on
a small table. He straightened the pile distractedly as Steve's eyes bore holes
in the back of his head. He straightened back up but continued staring down at
the comics intently.
“What are we doing, Steve?”
A beat and then, “Being fifteen.”
Snot sighed and faced his friend. It was true, they were fifteen, still young.
But then, why did he feel so old? Maybe it was understandable, considering all
he'd been through. Suddenly, he didn't want to go through all the pretense
anymore. He just wanted to, just be. Hayley's words echoed in his mind once
more and that was all he needed.
“Steve, I like you. A lot. I really like you, more than I should maybe, more
than my uncle would probably be comfortable with, if he were to know. But I
don't care. I like you and I think we should go out. What do ya say?”
Steve's eyes widened at the brash approach of his friend. “Uh... yes! Yes, I
would like that very much.”
“Okay, then.”
“Good.”
“It is good.”
The two stood, awkwardly facing one another, on opposite sides of the tree
house until a large clap of thunder sounded, making them each nearly jump out
of their skins.
“Jesus!” Steve shouted and tried to get himself under control while Snot just
laughed. He moved closer to him until he was able to place both hands on his
shoulders.
The shorter boy nervously looked into his warm brown eyes, unable to move. A
second later, he felt the soft lips of the boy's upon his own as Snot kissed
him. The rain picked up in speed, sounding like a train driving right over the
roof of the aging tree fort but neither paid it much mind now, both absorbed in
one another.
Steve began to kiss him back, unable to believe just what was happening. He
felt Snot's hand move to clasp the back of his neck, feeling the softness of
his skin. He clutched at him to bring him closer, to deepen the kiss.
Snot nibbled a bit on his lower lip, prompting him to relax into the kiss and
open his mouth a little for his tongue to enter. Steve shifted his hands to run
them across his still damp shirt which clung to his back.
He relished the way Snot was moving his tongue against his own as they
continued to make out. Steve smiled into the kiss, feeling on top of the world.
His shoulders sagged as the tension melted from them and their kiss intensified
even more.
Breaking apart finally, the two smiled at one another, each feeling a sense of
euphoria surrounding them. As they caught their breath, each shyly looked away,
adjusting their clothing a bit.
“Wow. So, I guess... we're dating?” Steve asked, his smile as big as the full
moon outside.
Snot reached down to take each of his hands in his own. “Steve... I've wanted
this for a long time. I hope... I hope that I'm not coming on too strong.”
“Are you kidding?! I've wanted this for a long time! I... I just didn't know
how to bring it up. It's so weird, all this stuff between us. I didn't know how
to put it in words.”
“I guess we didn't need words.” Snot smirked.
Another loud clap of thunder sounded and the lightning that accompanied it lit
up the area brighter than the lantern had all night.
Steve squeezed his friends hands gently. “Maybe we should go inside. It's
getting really bad out here.”
Snot frowned and shook his head. “No, I have to back Steve. I can't stay here
tonight.”
“What?! You can't walk back in this storm. Are you crazy?”
Sighing in frustration, Snot pulled away. “Look, I can't let my uncle find out
I came over here, okay? I have to go home.”
Steve frowned and thought for a moment. “Hey, wait! Hayley can drive you! I
don't want you walking in the storm. Lemme just go get her and bribe her or
something.”
Snot looked unsure. “I dunno... “
“She's not gonna tell my parents or anything. Geez. And she won't mind doing
it, that is, as long as I give her money or food or something. Or maybe, weed!
Yeah, weed would probably do it.”
Snot used to contemplate about what having a sibling was like, now he knew. It
was all blackmail and bribery.
…
It hadn't taken much to get Hayley and Jeff to drive he and Snot to his uncle's
farm. Just $20 bucks and the promise of fast food once Steve got more money on
friday. She'd been relatively good natured about the whole thing and he wasn't
sure if it was because she was a little high or just because of the bribery.
Snot and him sat in the backseat of Jeff's van as she drove. Jeff was falling
asleep in the passenger seat and so she'd turned on the radio, putting on some
alternative station to listen to.
Steve snuck a hand over to grasp the curly haired boy's own and grip in
lovingly causing him to smile over at him.
Hayley's eyes caught their looks in the rear view mirror and she smiled to
herself but said nothing, happy that her brother and his friend were finally
being true to themselves.
***** Chapter 7 *****
They're drinking in Steve's bedroom one evening. Well Steve is, Snot has better
judgment than to let himself become his mother. Steve was letting the alcohol
go straight to his head.
“I don't think I should.” Snot said as Steve raised the beer bottle towards
him. “It might start to become a problem for me. You know... cause of... my
mom.” He said shrugging.
Steve tried to move even closer to his boyfriend. "I had a few beers and I'm
fine. Would you like a beer, Snot?" He leered at him, offering it up one more
time.
Snot cocked an eyebrow. "Uh... no, I'm okay. Where are your parents anyway?"
Shrugging, Steve stared out straight ahead of him, feeling warm all over and
slightly numb. "Probably doing it or something equally gross." He laughed at
his own joke. "No, I don't know, man!"
Snot watched him worriedly for a moment before patting his back awkwardly.
Steve always was a lightweight.
Steve noticed his hands then and the way his heartbeat seemed to pound beneath
his skin, making them almost vibrate. Weird. He hardly ever drank, preferring
to keep a level head about him. Hell, he was the only one in the family to
never have smoked pot, despite it's prevalence within his household. So all of
the sensations he was currently experiencing because of the beer were weird and
almost foreign to him. Maybe he just needed to chill.
Heading downstairs, the two ventured outside to get some “fresh air”. Snot had
thought it a good idea for Steve. He was really tying one on.
Snot glanced up and noticed some storm clouds on the horizon. They'd be getting
rain soon. He wondered if he should just head home now to try to beat the rain.
His uncle would be angry if he arrived home late again.
Steve was staring at him with that smirk again. Snot cocked an eyebrow. “Can I
help you?”
This must have been funny because Steve erupted in to a fit of giggles, feeling
very intoxicated. He stumbled against Snot who caught him barely. As he held
him close, he began to feel a warmth spread across his chest. He couldn't help
but smile. Steve reached up to touch his best friend's face. “Snot... you're so
handsome!"
The boy began to laugh at the statement. He'd heard a lot of things in his life
but handsome? Never. Steve was lit up.
Snot gently placed his hands on Steve's shoulders, holding him slightly upright
as he began to waver back and forth. “I think you're the handsome one, Steve.”
The bespectacled boy stared into his eyes, smiling as he slowly leaned in to
capture his lips with his own. It was a strange sensation, still just as
enticing and exciting as the night before but also different somehow. Not to
mention, there was now Steve's swaying and the smell of beer on his breath
being added to the mix. Snot kissed him back intensely, feeling like he was on
fire.
Suddenly they were on the pavement of the patio, Snot on top of Steve as they
kissed and running his hands clumsily down his body. If the boy really was
intoxicated, it didn't seem to affect his kissing nor his tongue. Steve felt
Snot's hands gripping at his shirt and bunching up the fabric as he kissed him
harder on the mouth, swirling his own tongue against his. It was fantastic.
They laid like that for a while, long enough for the dark clouds overhead to
move closer, looking even more treacherous than before.
"Steven Anita Smith!" A voice suddenly rang out, startling the both of them
from their place.
It was Steve's mom who was currently staring down at the two. Steve lolled his
head back to peer up at his mother in shock. Snot looked really uncomfortable
as he quickly moved off of him and over near the grass instead.
"What are you two doing?" Francine asked angrily. “This is your sore throat?”
Steve grinned guiltily up at his mother, trying to look as innocent as
possible. "Uh... well... yes?"
Francine rolled her eyes. "I don't care if you and Snot want to play tonsil
hockey but I could have used you at the lanes, Steve! You know how your father
gets. And thanks to you, we lost by twenty points!"
She threw open the door to the kitchen and stormed back inside the house.
Snot bust out laughing.
...
Much later, after Snot had nearly made it home, Steve had called and explained
about how he'd told his parents he was too sick to go bowling with them. His
mother wasn't too mad about the loss and really, it was remarkable that she
wasn't mad about the two of them being together. Though, he'd never really been
too concerned about that.
"Sorry you had to walk home."
“It's fine, Steve. At least it's not raining! I'm just glad we got to hang out
and spend some time together.
“Maybe... you could come back tonight?” The boy asked playfully. He was
completely sober now and this clearly wasn't a joke.
Snot frowned, impatient with Steve's insistence that he sneak out every night.
“Steve, I can't just sneak out of my uncle's house all the time! He's already
suspicious. Seriously, what do you think he'd do if he caught me sneaking over
to see you?”
Steve sighed on the other side of the line and instantly Snot felt bad for
snapping. “I know. I just... I like seeing you is all.”
“I know. I... like seeing you. I wish he wasn't so strict. And orthodox.” He
muttered.
“Well... get home safe. I'll see you tomorrow sometime. I love y-” Steve
stopped short, panicking, his heart pounding in his chest.
Snot stopped walking through the neighborhood as well. He blinked. Did he hear
him right? “Uh... what?”
Steve swallowed nervously. “What? Did you say something?”
“Did you just say-”
“I gotta go!” Steve said and quickly hung up.
Snot smirked to himself at the whole situation as he continued on his way home.
Interesting.
…
It was another day and just shortly after lunch when Snot sat on the couch with
his uncle enjoying some much needed chinese food. He loved his uncle and was
very appreciative of his welcoming him into his home but the man could not
cook. Thank god, he'd allowed Snot to order lunch for them both.
His Uncle Solomon cleaned up his trash and began to head outside to work some
more on the fields. He'd given Snot his blessing to take it easy today,
insisting he didn't need his assistance for once.
Snot sat in the living room in silence, letting the darkness of the house creep
in around him. The emptiness of the home began to frighten him and he fidgeted,
trying not to let his thoughts consume him as they once again, turned towards
the past and his mother.
Shaking his head, his eyes fell upon their chinese takeout containers. He eyed
the lone, unopened fortune cookie with interest. After a moment or two of his
slouching down into the cushions of the couch, he surged forward and grasp the
fortune cookie in his hands. Tearing off the wrapper, he bit in to one half of
the cookie and easily retrieved the paper inside.
It read, "Be a part of life, not afraid of it."
Snot stared in shock at the message. He couldn't believe his luck. Feeling a
bit better at the advice, he considered if maybe, just maybe he was holding
himself back for fear of negative experiences affecting him once again. The
message on the tiny paper really rang true to him. Maybe he was holding himself
back by not seeking out new experiences. Why live in the past when you can
start over new and fresh at any time?
And that was it, that was the moment Schmuely Lonstein decided to stop being
the background character of his own life.
With tears in his eyes suddenly sprouting, the boy nodded to himself as he
thought about his mother and what a horrible person she was and about how now
he was here, living with Uncle Solomon. It wasn't his fault. The thought
cascaded over him in waves. Maybe he was supposed to be this broken down
person, this good for nothing wreck of a human being. That's surely what his
mother intended him to be.
But then again, that just wasn't who he was. He was so much more. He had
refused to be that, refused to be only who his family wanted him to be. He was
himself and he was allowed to just 'be', whatever that meant.
Snot smiled to himself, feeling better than he had in a long time.
…
It was saturday and Solomon had gone to temple for the rest of the day. Steve's
entire family was out of town until sunday night at the earliest and so Snot
had feigned illness and begged his uncle to let him stay home alone. Yes, it
was the same old recycled excuse that Steve had given his parents a week or so
before but it was effective. He'd believed him rather easily and without any
argument at all, making him feel only slightly guilty over the whole ordeal.
Nevertheless, it meant he could sneak over to Steve's now without any problems.
And that was how they found themselves in the wonderful situation before them.
Feeling brave from his recent realization, Snot felt perhaps that they should
move a bit forward with their relationship, especially since Steve had that
little slip up, only slightly professing his love for him. They hadn't
discussed it yet but the affection he'd felt for his best friend had only
grown.
Steve was feeling slightly tipsy, laying on his bed in his bedroom, having
drank a few beers before Snot arrived. He was currently being overpowered by
his best friend.
Snot was holding him down, quite forcibly, onto the mattress underneath them.
Steve felt a little thrill at the danger, as ridiculous as it was. This was
Snot after all. The boy would never cause him any harm. Also, why did it feel
so good?
Snot kissed him, happy to have some privacy for once. No uncles, no families,
no busybodies wanting to know about them being together. It was nice.
Steve kissed him back just as ferociously, bringing his hands up to tangle in
his curly locks to move him down closer to him. Snot's hand trailed down his
chest and across his stomach until it met the hem of his pants. With the one
hand, he began undoing the button and zipper, yanking it all the way down.
Snot suddenly sat back on his heels, staring down questioningly at his
boyfriend. He looked very unsure whereas Steve looked very certain and
deliriously happy. "Steven, are you... ?" He trailed off, not sure exactly how
to continue that question.
Steve sat up, which was a bit difficult with his jeans but whatever. He smiled
at Snot, a bit tipsy and took his hand in his own. "Snot... my parents aren't
here. Your uncle's out... somewhere. We should take advantage of the time we
have."
"But aren't you... a little drunk?"
Steve sat up all the way onto his knees and began to kiss his boyfriend square
on the mouth. He ran his hand through his hair gently before pulling back. "I
know what I want and I want you. I... care about you a lot."
Snot grinned at his uneasiness to say what he had accidentally uttered to him
before. Leaning in again, Snot kissed him, gently pushing him back down to the
mattress, to the position they were in before. Were they really doing this? It
appears they really were.
Steve squirmed under the pressure of Snot's lips as he kissed him hard, shoving
his tongue in his mouth and stroking his tongue with his own. Letting out a
slight moan, Steve sighed into the kiss as Snot's hand snaked downward inside
of his jeans and felt the outline of his hard-on.
He gripped it tightly causing another moan to erupt from Steve. He was thankful
they were home alone. Snot pulled back, causing Steve to whine as he peered up
at his boyfriend in desperate desire.
The curly haired boy smirked, growing hot with desire himself simply from the
wanting look the boy was given him. Removing his hand from Steve's erection, he
leaned over him and leaned down to place chaste kisses against his lips.
“Oh... Snot, please... “ Steve moaned, feeling very flustered.
He moved down to trail kisses along his jawline and then onto the delicate skin
of his neck. “Yeah... you like that?” He muttered against the flesh.
“Yes... god, yes!”
Running his tongue along the outline of his neck and then down along his
collarbone, Snot smirked as Steve began a chorus of moans and sounds unnatural
to anything he'd normally heard from him.
Unable to wait any longer, he sat up to quickly disrobe his boyfriend of his
clothing. Pulling over the red over shirt was easy. He needed Steve's
assistance in sitting up to take off the orange t-shirt.
Snot bit his lip at the sight of Steve shirtless with his jeans open, his black
boxers peaking out over the top.
Steve licked his lips in anticipation and began yanking off the blue jean
jacket the boy always wore. Hesitantly, he pushed him down onto the mattress
with extra care and began kissing him soundly on the mouth, only slightly
touching his body to his own.
After only a second however, Snot grew impatient with the slower pace and
gripped Steve's shoulders tightly, making him squeal in surprise. He gently but
forcefully flipped them so that he was once again on top.
“Snot... ?” Steve gaped up at him and the hungry look on the jewish boy's face.
He licked his lips and then leaned down to nibble on the boy's pasty neck. He
began sucking and nibbling repeatedly over and over causing louder and louder
moans to emit from the boy under him.
“Steve... you're so sexy. I can't help myself. I don't think I can stop!” Snot
murmured into his neck.
“Don't... don't stop! Please! Just go!” Steve mumbled incoherently.
But that was all Snot really needed to hear.
Pulling his jeans the rest of the way down, he also pulled off the boy's socks
with them, leaving him lying there on the bed in simply his boxers. He gently
reached out to feel the outline of his hard dick through the thin material
causing him to cry out once more.
Snot pulled off the black t-shirt he was wearing, tossing it somewhere behind
him carelessly. He hastily unbuttoned his own jeans and tossed them to the side
as well.
Crawling up towards the boy, he hung over him in his plaid boxers as well.
“So... do you... have any... uh... “
Faltering slightly, he struggled with his next words carefully, seeing as Steve
was an absolute mess now.
“Do you have any lube?” Snot tried again. His mind nagged him to remember to
use a condom as well but he ignored the voice, not wanting to spoil the moment.
Steve struggled for a moment to speak actual words but recovered and motioned
towards the nightstand nearby. “There. I have some... in there.”
Snot wasted no time in retrieving the small, plastic bottle and crawling back
over to Steve. After all, they had a very small window of time here and they'd
come far too far to turn back now.
Ripping off the boy's boxers and throwing them towards the corner of the room,
Snot set about squirting some of the cold liquid into the palm of his hands.
Steve laid there, feeling naked and exposed and so very, powerfully aroused. He
began to pant in anticipation and want and need. The way the boy's eyes raked
over his naked form lustfully was making him more and more painfully hard as
the seconds ticked by.
When his palm enveloped his member with the cold jelly, he squirmed and cried
out even louder, feeling like his entire body was on fire and electrified.
Snot began stroking him in quick, determined movements causing his toes to curl
up against his feet. “Yeah... you like that?” He growled at him, his voice
taking on a much deeper tone.
Steve could only moan and writhe in pleasure. “Yes... god... “
Everything felt like it was on fire, everything was happening so fast, he could
barely keep up.
Snot growled again, removing his hand completely and pulling down his own
boxers. He began stroking himself with powerful, purposeful movements and Steve
was mesmerized at the sight. He laid there, mouth agape at the events
unfolding.
Suddenly, Snot was on top of him, having caught his eye and was now kissing him
again and shoving his tongue as far down into his mouth and throat as he could
go. Steve kissed him back passionately, yelping slightly when Snot gripped his
erection once again.
They were naked together now, one body pressing down against the other one and
feeling so deliciously wrong.
Snot sank his teeth into Steve's delicate neck, sucking and biting up and down
with precision. “I'm going to fuck you, Steve.” He suddenly whispered into his
ear, sending chills down his entire body.
“Yes... okay... “ Steve mumbled pathetically.
Suddenly, he was flipped onto his stomach with one fell swoop. Man, Snot had
grown strong from working on the farm and in the fields! The back of his mind
worried that perhaps he was too strong now but he ignored the thought,
preferring to feel the excitement of the moment.
He felt Snot gently press him down onto the mattress firmly with a hand to his
bare back. Another went down to caress his ass, kneading the flesh over and
over, groping it mercilessly. He moved his hands to position his hips just so.
He was placing him into a position so that he could enter him and when this
became apparent, Steve nearly lost it all over again.
He panted into the blue throw covering his bed, breathing heavily against the
fabric and yes, maybe even drooling a little.
Snot was still caressing his ample bottom when he suddenly spread his cheeks
wide. He slipped in a lubricated digit slowly at first before increasing in
speed. It felt... good at first but then a little painful and tight.
Steve began to moan into the blanket before reaching out for his pillow and
positioning it under his head just so.
“Yeah... you like that? You want this? I'm going to fuck you so hard.” Snot
began to whisper into his ear as he fingered him.
Steve felt pent up, like he might explode and began to worry. “Oh god, yes, god
I'm going to... “
Snot removed his finger, deciding to slow it down just a bit so they could
enjoy the experience fully together. Steve couldn't see him as he was stroking
himself, covering himself in lube.
Squirming a bit on the bed and wanting to know what else was happening, Steve
began moaning. “Snot... please... “
Not able to wait any longer, Snot gripped Steve around his thighs, pulling him
closer to him so that he could position himself just at his opening. He slowly
began to enter him, pushing his cock into Steve's opening and beginning to pump
in and out.
Steve began writhing even more and crying out in pleasure into his pillow. His
own dick was as hard as it'd ever been, feeling very neglected as it sat there
untouched.
Snot's grip on his hips was firm but not painful as he held him in place to be
able to pump in and out of him faster and faster.
The pain from his dick being forced into his ass was a little unpleasant, like
a pinching or tearing sensation that burned deep within him. As the motion went
on however, Steve found he began to enjoy it more and more. He gripped the
blanket in ecstasy.
Reaching around to gently jerk Steve's cock back and forth in time with the
motion of him pumping into his ass. “Oh god... yes... “ Snot moaned as he
increased his rhythm until he was fucking Steve at a rapid speed.
“Fuck me... hard!” Steve managed to moan out and Snot began to lose it.
He began to rock into him harder and deeper, no longer taking it easy on him
and afraid he might hurt him.
Steve began to position his face down into the blanket to try to keep the noise
down. He was failing.
Kissing along his neck, Snot began to breath heavily into his ear which sent
Steve over the edge completely. Unable to take it anymore, Steve cried out, his
cock shooting with cum everywhere onto the blanket and getting on his stomach
just slightly. He went limp against the bed, settling into his post-orgasm
state.
Snot continued pumping into him, just about at his limit as well. He removed
his hand and placed it on the back of Steve's head instead, forcing it down
into the mattress more as he rode him. He thought about how forcibly he had
made him cum and how loud he'd made him squeal. He thought about the way he
could do anything he wanted at this point, literally anything to him. The power
and control made him grow ten times hotter and he began to unload into him, his
orgasm powerful.
He moaned and cried out, cumming deep inside of him before collapsing down on
top of him, the two of them laying on Steve's bed in a crumpled mess.
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Notes
     "You've been so kind and generous
     I don't know how you keep on giving
     For your kindness i'm in debt to you
     And I never could have come this far without you
     So for everything you've done"
     --Kind & Generous by Natalie Merchant
The previous day had been something of a whirlwind for Steve. Things had moved
fast between him and Snot and he sure as hell hadn't seen it coming. He'd
blamed it on the alcohol, a little bit but also on the fact that they were
crazy for one another, that much was clear.
Feeling safe and secure in his own feelings for the boy now, he no longer
questioned Snot's feelings for him as well. They were in a good place, nothing
could shake their stability now.
Snot had left him with a kiss goodbye on his front door step, leaving him to
his empty house for the rest of the weekend. He was now patiently waiting in
the kitchen for his parents to arrive home, busying himself with surfing the
internet on his phone.
Cue the garage door opening.
As his parents shuffled in the house, depositing their suitcases by the
staircase, Steve's dad ventured in the kitchen to grab something to drink.
“Hey dad!” Steve said brightly, obviously waiting for the man to arrive home to
speak to him.
The raven haired father waved at him dismissively. “Not now, Steve. I've got a
major road headache. I just want to kick back and relax before work tomorrow.”
“But dad... I have something to ask you.”
Stan grabbed an “orange drink” soda from the fridge and popped the lid. “You
have until I finish this ice cold beverage. Go!” He began chugging it down as
he leaned against the counter.
“Dad... I think Snot should move in with us.” Steve stammered bravely though
his eyes wavered back and forth between his father and the floor.
Stan had been expecting something mundane about a science project or some other
nerd thing but definitely not this. He spat out some of the soda. “What?!”
Steve, quickly losing confidence, persevered. “It's just, he's... not really
doing well at his uncle's and-and I'm his best friend and he needs me, and I
really want to help him-”
“Steve, I can barely afford to feed you and your sister and your sister's
dumbass husband. Plus, there's the damn fish and Roger and oh god, we're
spiraling, Steve! We're really in a hole here!” The man began waving his hands
about dramatically.
“But-”
Stan heaved a huge sigh. “The answer is no, Steve. He lives with his uncle and
that's good enough.”
Steve could only frown and shrug halfheartedly. “Yeah... “
“Look, don't worry so much about the kid, Steve. He's... he's got a good hard
working streak to him. He'll be alright, scamp.” Stan said cheerfully,
finishing his soda and ruffling his son's hair as he passed by.
Just as he was about to exit the kitchen, Steve spoke up again.
Deciding that he didn't really have anything to lose, he walked up to his
father and announced bravely, “Dad... I'm... I-I like guys.”
A quiet moment passed between them, Stan paused mid-step at the kitchen door,
Steve staring miserably at his father's suit clad back.
Finally, Stan spun around and deadpanned at him. "Steve, I've long since
accepted the inevitability that you would never bring home a varsity
cheerleader. Now, I'm just rooting for you to be healthy, happy and a
productive member of society. If this Snot kid helps you achieve all that, well
then, he's alright in my book.”
Steve gaped at the man, shocked that he'd actually put two and two together. It
wasn't often he actually paid any attention to the goings-on his his life.
Apparently, he had been lately.
Steve scrambled clumsily over to his father and hugged him tightly. “Thank you
dad! I love you... "
After a brief moment of surprise, Stan reached down to hug him back just as
tightly.
…
Classes moved slowly on monday, no one really wanting to be there and the nice
weather outside super distracting to everyone.
Steve met Snot beside his locker at 9:55am, their standard routine. They talked
about homework and that weird exchange between Mrs. Hoskins and her best
student last week and finally got around to discussing the weekend's events.
“So... that was... wild, right?” Snot said quietly, unsure if he should crack a
joke or just maintain the seriousness of the conversation.
Steve blushed, nodding. “Yeah. Wild.”
“Hey, uh-” They both began at the same time, fueling the awkwardness of the
moment. After a second however, they both began to laugh.
“Go ahead.” Steve shrugged.
“No, no. You.”
The bespectacled boy shifted his books in his arms, glancing around to see if
any of the other kids were paying attention to them. He decided they weren't.
“Well... I just wanted to say... I'm glad. I mean... I feel like maybe this was
bound to happen... a really long time ago.” He chuckled.
“Definitely.”
“And maybe... well, I mean I liked it. I had... fun. I don't know what you're
supposed to say!” Steve began to panic causing his friend to laugh.
“I had fun too. I think you're just supposed to be honest.” Snot shrugged.
The warning bell sounded, making most of the students scatter but neither of
them really moved.
Steve smiled at his boyfriend, leaning in closer in a flirtatious way when
suddenly Snot grabbed him by his button-down and pulled him in for a quick
kiss. He then grinned at him. “We gotta get to class.”
“Y-yeah. T-totally... “ Steve stuttered, a goofy smile on his face. He was in
love.
…
Memories were an odd thing, weren't they? You could be completely fine one
minute, immersed in your work and happy, when suddenly an annoying event from
your past just assaults your brain.
Snot remembers one night in particular, back at home. His mother, on one side
of his bedroom door, pounding on it as hard as she could. He was slumped
against it, as per usual and trying to keep her out as she ranted and raved.
He remembers suddenly feeling at peace with the whole situation, accepting of
the fact that he was going to die by her hands. It was alarming thought, or
would have been to anyone else not in that situation. But when you're
constantly faced with that kind of danger, day after day, night after night,
you grow accustomed to the circumstances of it. And despite it not being
normal, your brain will actively wrap itself around the repeated situation to
make it seem normal. It's your new normal. Some might say it's a survival
instinct.
Snot thinks it odd now that it didn't concern him that he would never see any
of his friends again if he were to actually meet his demise by her hands. It
wasn't something he was actively seeking out. He didn't want to die, but more
and more often, it had seemed that that would be his fate. Who was he to argue
or try to stop it? How could he even stop it? He was just one boy at the hands
of a merciless, bloodthirsty mother.
She was older, stronger and had a significant amount of control over him and
his life. She was in charge, like it or not and he had found himself quickly
losing resources and ways of escaping as each day passed.
Snot shook himself out of the memory, shuddering at how real it all still felt.
True, it had been some time now, he had long began distancing himself from the
environment and the thoughts. However, could you ever really forget a thing
like that?
“And could you read the next passage, Mr. Lonstein?” Mrs. Jenkins asked,
bringing him back to reality.
“Huh?” He asked dumbly, a sea of faces around him turned to peer at him and
chuckle.
Right... english class.
“Oh, sure... uh, where were we again?” He asked sheepishly as he turned to peer
into his textbook.
…
Snot had been whisked away by his uncle prior to school ending so Steve had
been unable to give his boyfriend a proper goodbye. He sulked as he waited
outside for his mom to arrive. It wasn't fair. His uncle was always making him
work and do chores. He couldn't even spend time after school with him!
Francine pulled up in front of the high school and Steve quickly made his way
over.
“Hi honey!” She said cheerfully as he clicked his seat belt in to place.
“Hi.” He grumbled.
“Aw, what's wrong? Did the other kids give you another atomic wedgie?”
“No... “
“Ooh, a galactic one?!”
Steve rolled his eyes. “What? Mom, no! I'm just... angry that I never get to
see Snot.”
Francine scoffed as she signaled to enter the turning lane to head towards
their house. “Oh please, you see him all the time. You're being ridiculous!”
“No, it's not fair. His uncle is always making him work so hard.”
“Well, maybe it's good for him. You know, you could do some hard work yourself.
Clean the kitchen, help your mother for a change... ?”
“Yeah, yeah.”
The blonde gripped the steering wheel a little tighter but said nothing.
Steve glanced at his mom then, realizing that he'd perhaps forgotten to bring
up the whole situation with her. He'd told his dad and that had been
terrifying. Somehow, he didn't think she would mind all that much. Taking a
deep breath, he gathered the courage to admit his deepest, darkest secret.
“Mom... what if I told you that I'm seeing someone?”
She squealed in delight. “Who?! Oh my goodness, is she pretty?”
“Uh... “ He didn't know how to answer that.
Francine continued guessing traits of the supposed “girlfriend” before he
finally yelled at her to calm down and listen.
“Look, it's... uh... it's complicated. But I really respect and love... them.”
As they pulled in to the drive way and she shut off the car, she turned in her
seat to study his nervous face. “Hmm... you're really nervous about telling me.
You've never been nervous about your dating before. You must really love them!”
Steve blushed and looked away, unsure if he wanted to continue.
“Oh! I see.” She nodded to herself wisely.
“Wha-what?”
“It's Snot!” She shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal. Maybe it really wasn't,
Steve thought.
He blushed even deeper. “Uh... why-why do you think that?!”
“Oh, please.” She smirked at him knowingly.
Steve swallowed and finally let out the breath he'd been holding.
“Am I right?”
He quietly nodded.
“Does your father know?”
Again, a nod.
“Well, seems like everything's all good then!” She cheerfully responded and
began to get out of the car.
“Wait! That's it?!” Steve shrieked.
Francine slowly closed the car door, turning back to her son. “Steve, I don't
care who you end up with, as long as you're happy. Also, I don't want
grandchildren before you're out of high school. But other than that, yeah, I'm
good!”
The brunette smiled and leaned in to hug his mother, which was difficult, what
with the middle console in the way. “Thank you, mommy!”
She hugged him back, happy he'd finally been able to be honest with her.
…
The two were laying in Steve's tree house, enjoying the gentle and cool breeze
that was cascading through the air this afternoon. Having snuck out of classes
just to get some time alone, they were currently dozing next to each other on
the wooden floor.
Snot let his mind roam to thoughts of his and Steve's budding relationship. He
really couldn't be happier.
His eyes; his eyes were like a sweet escape from a life full of pain and
torment, it was hell to even consider never looking in those eyes again. His
smile was like a release from hell on earth, an invitation to finally relax, to
be free. His laugh nourished him like a man nearly starved to death. The boy
gave him hope, carried him through hardship, made him feel renewed and ready
for anything.
Steve was, for all intents and purposes, everything to Snot. Their journey to
this point had been confusing and at times, strange.
They had been friends but then again they were more than that. They were long
time acquaintances but no, that still wasn't a good enough descriptor. They
knew everything about each other and not just that, all the dark secrets that
you never tell anyone, they each knew those too.
He was like his brother except those nights that he, for obvious reasons,
wasn't. He was like a therapist except on these lazy, summer afternoons when he
couldn't be described as anything more than a good buddy.
Steve was his boyfriend, and he guessed for now, that label would have to do.
It would never be good enough, not even close to who they actually were to each
other. But they'd continue working on it.
The breeze began to pick up and Steve's light snoring began buzzing next to him
in his right ear. Snot turned to glance at the boy, to stare at what he could,
his vision obscured by his long auburn locks.
Snot had never been very good at living and being happy concurrently but this
was as close as he'd ever come and he was so thankful.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Notes
     "If I could tell the world just one thing
     It would be that we're all ok
     And not to worry because worry is wasteful
     And useless in times like these
     I will not be made useless
     I won't be idled with despair
     I will gather myself around my faith
     For light does the darkness most fear
     My hands are small, I know,
     But they're not yours they are my own
     But they're not yours they are my own
     And I am never broken"
     --Hands by Jewel
Friday Night
7:28pm
Smith House
Settled down in the bath, Snot sighed as he felt his muscles begin to relax
from the hot water. The bubbles around him popped and fizzed as he slid down
into the water and closed his eyes.
It had taken an almost miracle to convince his uncle to let him go stay at
Steve's for the weekend. It was the sabbath so of course they had to visit
temple tonight and tomorrow. In addition, his uncle had planned a full weekend
of hard work, blood, sweat and tears around the house. He wanted to give the
floors a good scrubbing, re-shingle the roof and pick up around the farm.
Snot had very carefully laid out reasons why his visiting the Smiths would be
good for him, ultimately gaining his approval when he explained he needed to
pay them back for all the good charity and caring they'd shown him. Uncle
Solomon had made him promise to do whatever work they needed done around the
house, (which was of course nothing) and to be very well behaved. Also, he'd
had to say evening prayers with him and wait until the sun had gone down before
departing.
But, it had all been worth it. And now, here he was, ready to enjoy the entire
weekend away with Steve. The boy had attacked him at the front door and
showered him with gifts of bath bombs and candles and really frou-frou things
that he'd all but made fun of him for at first but now was really beginning to
enjoy.
Snot heaved a big sigh, letting his tense shoulders drop and enjoy the lavender
scented air.
There was a rapid pounding on the bathroom door suddenly and before he knew it,
Steve's uncle was barging in, carrying boxes and boxes of what appeared to be
women's shoes.
"Aah!" Snot yelped and scrambled to usher bubbles over to him to cover up his
nudity.
"Oh please," Said Roger, ignoring him and his cries. "I've seen much worse. Or
much better?"
The alien turned his full attention on him as if to size him up and down.
"No... much worse, definitely much worse!"
He began to cackle to himself before leaving and shutting the door behind him.
Snot shuddered to himself. Steve's uncle sure was creepy sometimes. He'd
abandoned the boxes of shoes there in the middle of the floor but hey, it was
his house.
Snot heaved a big sigh and let the warm water begin to soothe his muscles once
more.
After the bath, he headed to Steve's room to get changed. The boy was sitting
over at his desk, immersed in something on his computer.
"Hey." He said, venturing in and shutting the door behind him.
"Mm." Steve offered noncommittally, not turning away from the screen.
Snot approached him from behind. "Whatcha doin'?"
Steve began to turn around slowly to look at his boyfriend. "Well, I was just
reading this interesting article-"
He paused as he took in the boy's attire. He was wearing his navy blue bath
robe for god's sakes!
"Uh... " Steve muttered, his eyes fixated on his robe-clad chest, at least the
bit he could see.
Snot raised an eyebrow in confusion. "You okay?"
Steve took a deep breath, finally bringing his eyes up to his friend's deep
brown ones. "Uh-huh... "
Snot gave him a look before going to retrieve his pajamas from his bag in the
corner.
Steve tried not to watch him change but found it near impossible. Eventually,
he tore himself away and focused back on the article instead.
"So I have to meet with Carolyn tomorrow. Ugh." Snot groaned as he arranged the
pajamas on the bed.
Steve turned back around, completely forgetting his earlier distraction. "But
that's a good thing! You need to go to therapy. It's good for you!"
Snot made a sound of disgust, rolling his eyes. "Do you have to say it like
that? Like... I don't need therapy, okay? I'm choosing to go."
"Right." The boy shrugged, thinking they were saying the same thing.

"I hate when you say it like that!"
Steve frowned. "I'm sorry. I just want you to be happy... "
"I know." And then, he crossed the short distance of the room to stand next to
him, obviously wanting affection but not sure as to how to go about it. This
was still all so new.
Steve moved closer to the boy, the height difference getting on his nerves
sometimes but most especially in moments like these. Snot never letting him
forget just how much taller he was never helped.
He stood slightly on “tiptoes” just to meet his lips comfortably as they
kissed.
...
"Snot, have you ever heard of survivor's guilt?"
He licks his lips and sits forward a bit in the chair. "Uh... no?"
Her hair is in a messy bun, the classic therapist look, and she bites on the
edge of her pen for a second before ripping it away and apologizing. A tick she
says. Snot turns his attention towards the noisily ticking clock up on the
wall. Damn... still another forty-five minutes left.
“Snot?” She asks again.
He resigns himself to embracing his fate and decides to try giving this therapy
thing a try. “No, what is that?”
She smiles gently, happy to explain.
…
Snuggled deep beneath the warm sheets of his bed, Steve was just rousing awake
on this sunday morning.
He wasn't alone he remembered as he rolled onto his side, eyes still closed and
felt the hot breath of his best friend cascade across his face.
Crackling an eye open sleepily, he smiled at the boy who was still sleeping
peacefully, his mouth a little open. He was so close to him, his arms were
wound around his pillow but still scooched up towards him.
Steve yawned causing the other boy to move closer towards him in his sleep. His
arms found their way around him in a sort of embrace. So Steve used the
opportunity to rub his face against his bouncy curls.
Sunlight was streaming in from the far window on the left, lighting the room
with colors of gold. He wondered what time it was. He was so comfortable.
Snot's hands had wound themselves up to grip the bunched fabric of his t-shirt
making Steve crack another lazy smile. He pulled the boy closer into an
embrace, pushing his face deeper into his hair and just enjoying the fuzzy,
warm feeling.
Snot seemed to be waking up as well, albeit slowly. He slowly opened his eyes,
glancing up at Steve and grinning at the sight. "Hi."
"Hi there."
They were all smiles until Steve thought if he smiled any bigger his jaw would
fall off.
Leaning back deeper into the mattress, Steve stretched out his legs, flexing
his feet and hearing his toes emit a delicious popping sound, one by one.
The bed was so soft. His friend's sleepy gaze was so endearing. The morning was
perfect.
But, as all perfect things go, it had to end. And it did, with his mother
banging on the door at 8am, calling them to breakfast.
…

Normally, their family was drug to church by Stan but not always. Sometimes,
they were all just too lazy, or hung up on one of Roger's schemes. This
morning, it seemed, was just because Snot was visiting. Steve supposed, they
didn't want to force him to tag along, knowing how strongly his uncle felt
about their own religion. Steve was relived, for more than one reason. He
didn't feel too strongly about church anyway and often just wanted to remain
home on sundays to relax before the new school week.


The two settled in at the breakfast table, a full house for once, with every
one present.

Steve glanced at his boyfriend, to see him hungrily digging in to the food his
mom had made them all. He beamed at how happy he seemed now. Glancing at each
of his family members, he was proud that there were no issues with his
boyfriend just... being here and being accepted. Though, he hadn't had an in-
depth conversation with all of them, he knew it must be apparent what had been
going on between them these last few months.

Steve sighed contently, until his father began to bark at him, gesturing with a
piece of burnt toast.

“Steve! Stop sitting there looking all doey-eyed and eat your breakfast! Eggs'
are getting cold dammit!”

“Yes, sir.” The boy smirked and began to eat, though not before meeting Snot's
eyes across the table and sharing a loving if not humorous look.
…

The school week flew by and suddenly it's saturday again and that means the
sabbath and helping his uncle out with the crops again.
Snot doesn't mind it so much after a while he realizes, beginning to think that
a lot of what his uncle has tried to teach him actually does make some sense. A
good day of hard work can do wonders for a weary soul and he's thinking he
truly believes it now. Maybe it was his therapist that's really changed his
mind about the situation but he's finally settling in to this new life.
This must be his third week now helping out on the farm. It's the least he can
do for the man who has taken him in, his only real family now, the only person
who still gives a damn that isn't Steve or the Smiths.
Steve is bummed he's not out with him today of course, having wanted to spend
it at the arcade or swimming. But when he explains it's for family and gives
him that gentle look, he all but melts and nods, accepting it. Of course,
they'd spend the last weekend together doing tons so he can't really miss him
that much, can he?
Time marches on, never slowing or stopping for anyone, a hard lesson he's had
to learn.
With his father's passing, his mother's... unpleasantness, he was beginning to
feel like an orphan. Thank goodness for uncle Solomon.
He's tough but fair with Snot. And yes, he may be stuck in his ways and a bit
crotchety. And yes, if he ever confessed his feelings for a certain dork to the
man, he would certainly be in for an earful but still, the man had a good
heart. Religious to a fault but what a good heart.
Stabbing the hoe down into the fertile ground, Snot smiled as his uncle hopped
off the tractor and looked over to him.

"Good work today, Schmuely." He says, clapping him on the back.
He's proud that for the first time in a long time, he doesn't flinch at the
action. Not even a little bit. He's told by Ms. Sanchez, his therapist, that
that's a leftover reaction from abuse. He's been hoping to ease himself away
from this particularly nasty side effect. Maybe he's getting better?
Snot smiles up at his uncle, forgiving the use of his given name which he
hates, oh so very much. “Thanks! And... uncle Solomon? Thank you for helping me
out. Things weren't... so good, you know? And you didn't have to take me in...
“

“Of course I did, m'boy! We are family.” He lays a gentle hand on Snot's
shoulder and for a second, he thinks he's going to see an emotional outburst
from the older man but then it's gone and he's heading for the house.

It's okay. He doesn't need an outpouring of words to know the man cares. Snot
smiles to himself and heads inside as well.
***** Chapter 10 *****
“Why don't we try this?” She begins, reaching over for her laptop to bring up
some documents. “I have some worksheets here I'd like to print out for you to
work on. It's kind of like homework, I know, I know, you get enough of that
from school, right?”
Ms. Sanchez laughs perhaps a little too hard at her joke as Snot just nods and
smiles politely.
She explains the “worksheets” are to be filled out with some basic dreams and
goals he wants to work towards accomplishing over the next year. There's a
column for the next month, one for six months and finally one for one year.
“It'll be good for you to try to get some plans in place. You know, that's how
we grow and don't stagnate.”
Snot looks at the papers in his hand and frowns. He hadn't thought about the
future really, not since... well, not since what happened ceased happening. He
swallows nervously and tries to hide his apprehension. “Okay.”
“It'll help.” She promises, an encouraging smile sprawled across her face. “Is
that okay?” Her signature question making an appearance once more.
Snot smiled, feeling a little calmer now that they were near the end of their
session. “Yeah.” He nods. “Yeah, this'll be good.”
And he leaves the psychologist's office with a renewed sense of purpose.
…
“Don't laugh, Steve! This is really hard.”
The bespectacled boy stifles his giggling fit and clears his throat. “Okay,
let's see here.” He takes the paperwork from his boyfriend and studies it
carefully. “Well, here ya go! Let's just start with this next month's column.
So, what do you want to get done by November?”
“I dunno... “ Snot shrugs, eyes downcast at the living room floor.
Steve's about to complain when his Uncle Roger's voice carries over from the
kitchen door. “Stock up on the liquor for those dramatic Thanksgiving family
dinners!”
He barks out a harsh and obnoxious laughter at his own joke before coming to
joint them on the couch. For some reason, his costume of choice this time is
some sort of cowboy get up, his overtly large, bushy, brown fake mustache is a
major distraction.
Steve groans in irritation. “Can you please leave us alone? Snot really needs
help with these!”
“Hey! I'm helpful. I can be... helpful.”
Snot peers at Roger in confusion, his eyes going all squinty. “Did you... did
you dye your hair?”
The alien's eyes widen. “What? No! Why?”
Steve just glares at him.
“Oh, I dunno. You just look different is all.” His boyfriend shrugs off the
thought and takes the paperwork back from him. “Look, I don't really have any
goals. I've always thought, why should I? Plans will just get ruined, people
will just die... ya know?”
“Jesus, kid!” Roger exclaimed in shock. “I mean, I'm no stranger to depression
but... you got it bad!”
Steve frowned and placed a steady hand on the boy's shoulder. “Snot, that
doesn't always happen, right? You need things to look forward to! How about
this? Come to Thanksgiving here with us. You can put that on your list!”
Snot shook his head. “Yeah, I don't think Uncle Solomon would be so happy about
that. I'm sure he wants to go to temple.”
“You go to temple on Thanksgiving too?!”
“He's pretty Orthodox, Steven.”
“Hey, what's everyone doing in here, huh? Party people in the living room! Am I
right?” Klaus said suddenly, nudging his fishbowl into the center of the room.
Steve ignored him as he was poised in thought. “What if... you take an art
class from the town center? That way, you can put one of your goals is getting
better at painting!”
He turned to his boyfriend with a grin, only to find a horrified look upon his
face. “What? You don't like art?”
“Did that... did that fish just talk?!”
Steve blinked in confusion. “What?” Spinning around to face Klaus' guilty
expression, he was horrified when he put two and two together and realized
their family's long kept secret was finally out. Well, one of them.
He laughed and shoved playfully at Snot's t-shirt clad shoulder. “Don't be
ridiculous! A fish? Talking? That's... silly!”
Snot swallowed nervously, seriously beginning to question his sanity until
Roger scoffed and interrupted his inner monologue.
“Look, Steve! Just tell 'em! You're gonna... I mean... he is the one, right?”
Blushing furiously, Steve's eyes widened as the room began to feel smaller and
smaller. He was starting to panic, his eyes darting from the obvious alien in
disguise to the fish to the worried and confused love of his life. “What?!” He
barked at Roger in embarrassment.
The alien stood up and sighed. “Look, the charade is over, it is, okay? You and
Yentil here are obviously going to get married so yeah, you should just tell
him. He's gonna find out eventually!”
“Tell me what, Steve?”
He turned to come face to face with Snot's curious but still wary eyes. He
sighed, running a hand over his face. “Okay. Let me explain.”
Sitting down on the couch closer to his boyfriend, he began explaining the
long, drawn out story of how they'd come to house not only an Olympic skiier in
the body of a fish but also an Area 51 escaped alien. He used colorful imagery,
tried to make the story interesting, and ignored the several interruptions by
his not-Uncle and fish-housemate. At the end of the winded exchange, he
searched Snot's face for any clue as to just how he was going to take all this
news.
The boy nodded quietly, eyes trained on the far corner of the room. “Wow.”
Steve bit his lip and rushed out, “But you can't tell anyone of this, Snot! I
mean it! Not anyone! Not Principal Lewis and especially not Barry or Toshi!”
Snot turned to face the boy, his best friend of so many, many years, now his
boyfriend and if his not-Uncle's statement had any real truth to it, possibly
more very soon. He smiled reassuringly and placed a hand on the boy's own.
“Steve, I would never do anything to put your family in danger. I mean... this
is pretty weird but... it kinda makes sense? I mean there have been a lot of
times when your Uncle here has just done stuff that did not make logical
sense.”
“Oh yeah, I'm super fast! I can like run from here to New York in like... I
dunno, an hour I think. I've never clocked it really.” Roger shrugged.
Snot shrugged. “This is weird. But... then again, your family is pretty weird.”
“Hey!” Steve complained but then shrugged as well. “You're right. I'm sorry I
didn't tell you before, it's just... I dunno, my dad has always been really
crazy about keeping it all a secret.”
“Makes sense.”
Roger grinned, “Great! Now I don't have to wear these dumb costumes anymore!”
He quickly spun in a circle, disrobing of every single item so he was
completely disguise-less.
The three of them stared at him quietly until he laughed.
“I'm just kidding! I love disguises!” He quickly spun in a circle again,
suddenly appearing re-dressed but in a clown outfit instead.
“How did you-?” Steve began only to be interrupted by Roger.
“Alien, Steve.”
Snot stared at Roger slightly taken back.
“I know, right? Weirdo, huh, kid?” Klaus asked, leaning over the rim of his
fishbowl.
…
Later that day as Steve and Snot hung out in the living room just surfing
channels on TV, Hayley strolled in the door looking pretty exhausted.
“What's shakin', bacon?” Steve asked lazily, his feet in Snot's lap, Snot
looking a little uncomfortable now that his sister was home.
“Are you calling me fat?” Hayley groused, sinking down into the armchair beside
them.
“What? No! Geez, what's your problem?”
“My problem is the homeless population in Langley isn't getting any better! My
problem is I just spent four hours trying to convince the downtown shelter they
need to expand their operation!”
Snot frowned. “Yeah, I hear it's a real problem. Too bad the city doesn't want
to provide any more money to help them.”
Steve blinked in surprise at the amount of information the teen seemed to know
about the issue.
Hayley shrugged. “Whatever. It's not worth complaining about. What are you two
up to?”
“Just watching the tube.” Steve said and offered her the remote to which she
shook her head dismissively.
She glanced at Snot and wondered if she should broach the touchy subject of his
whole situation. She charged ahead anyway. “Have you... have you talked to your
mom, recently?”
A beat. A tense silence hung in the air. Steve turned slightly to glare his
sister's way without arousing too much suspicion from his boyfriend.
Snot cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Uh... no. Not really.”
When the tense silence continued, he carried on hastily. “She's out already. I
mean of course, because they only charged her with slight assault. I mean, they
didn't have much proof I guess-”
Steve interrupted him, removing his feet and sitting up straighter. “Proof?!
There's tons of proof! Those animals!” He began to shriek in anger.
“It doesn't matter.” He responded, sounding listless.
Hayley frowned. “Well, maybe it would do you some good to talk to her. Just
like... over the phone or something. You know, say what you need to say and be
done with it.”
“Are you crazy? That's the last thing he should do!”
“No, she's right, Steve. I should put this whole thing behind me.”
Worried brown eyes turned to him but Snot was firm in his conviction and he
smiled hoping to reassure him. “It'll be okay. Trust me.”
…
It had started with a simple phone call to his house, to... his mom's house,
that is. He had decided to keep it a secret from his uncle, seeing as he
wouldn't think it would be a good idea so he planned on calling her at school.
“Hello?” Her rough voice had answered after only the second ring.
Snot swallowed down any sort of nervousness he'd been feeling, shaking himself
a bit to calm down. “Uh... hi. It's me.” Short and simple.
“Schmuely?” She asked, disbelievingly. She almost sounded... happy? Then a beat
later and, “Well... what do you want?”
Ah yes, back to anger. That was quick.
“I was just calling because it's been a while and... I don't know. I thought I
should call.”
“Where are you?” Her voice held that heavy tone of an unexamined threat of some
kind.
“At school.” He answered in irritation. He'd thought that'd be obvious. It was
10:30 in the morning after all.
He sighed, leaning against the brick wall of the building, hidden on the side
from any teacher's or student's prying eyes. He should be in spanish right now
but fuck it, this was more important right now.
“Well, how are you? You're... you're living with Solomon, right?”
Snot hesitated in answering, after all, the whole idea had been to get away
from her right? Still, he answered an affirmative 'Yes' and then answered a few
basic queries like 'Are you eating?' and 'Going to temple?'.
He relaxed quite a bit during the call as her tone seemed to even out and she
began asking him to come visit her. Her voice became watery as though she were
speaking through tears and he'd be lying if he said that it didn't affect him
in some way.
“I dunno, I'm really busy with temple and... the farm.” He struggled to lie and
come up with an excuse.
“Please Schmuely, you know I'm all alone here now.” She said tearfully and he
wondered in the back of his mind if she'd been drinking already so early in the
morning.
He swallowed, eyes trained on the line of trees just near the end of the soccer
field. His mind ran through possible reasons to not go but he failed to find
any real compelling ones.
He sighed, ran a hand through his curly mop of hair and then nodded, though she
couldn't see through the phone. “Yeah, alright. When?”
“Tomorrow night you can come for shabbat. At six.”
“Okay. Sounds good.” He agreed even though there was the seed of doubt planted
in the back of his mind.
And so they hung up, Snot resolved to pursue this to the end, if only to close
the chapter in this book that was his life. He hadn't any real expectations
other than to enjoy a home cooked meal, something that didn't involve lots of
turnips for once like with his uncle.
***** Chapter 11 *****
“Well... are ya gonna try some of the green beans?”
Snot glances up from his plate and takes in the strained smile stretched across
his mother's pale face. He notices the dark circles under her once youthful
eyes and wonders if those are new or if he'd never really noticed before.
Before feeling a little too sorry for her, he straightens up in his seat and
reaches out to fill his plate with said beans.
“How is Solomon doing? Never been very good at relaxing. Can't imagine he's any
better now than when we were younger.” She says sounding almost bitter though
Snot can't really understand why.
“He's uh... he's fine. I mean, sure, he's tough on me but... I don't mind
helping out. He needs the help.” He shrugs, thinking of what the man must be up
to tonight. He hadn't lied to him, he'd actually been truthful and advised he
was going to visit his mom for dinner. Though hesitant at first, his uncle
agreed to let him go with some sort of statement about “being his own man” or
something.
The air grew tense as his mother continued sitting with her hands folded
beneath her chin, staring him down with an almost predatory look in her eye.
Snot swallowed a bit nervously as he chewed on overcooked green beans soaking
wet with too much butter. Grabbing the cloth napkin next to his plate, he
dabbed at his mouth and went to push his chair back.
“Uh, I'm gonna uh... go to the restroom-”
“I can't believe you did that!” She interrupted him, a glare fixed on her face,
making her gaze seem to burn into his face.
“Uh... what?” Snot blinked at her in surprise, half frozen between standing up
and sitting back down. Finally, he sank back into the chair in confusion.
“You... you told the cops that I hit you!”
Snot blinked at her rapidly, mouth slightly agape. What did she expect him to
say here? Of course he did! It was the truth!
She stood to her feet, chair skidding harshly against the tile floor and making
the worst sound imaginable. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little
nervous. “Schmuely! You're all I have and you lied to the authorities about me!
You left me!”
As she began creeping closer to him, he too stood up, throwing the chair
backwards as he began to back away and towards their front door. Having grown
up in the house, he had the entire property mapped out in his head but at the
moment, he was definitely succumbing to the terror filling his entire being.
All at once it seemed she was upon him, too close for comfort, her vodka
strained breath all too bitter and biting as it hit his nose. Strange... he
hadn't sensed she'd been drinking when she invited him in earlier.
She grabbed him by his nice, new black button down, nearly breaking off a few
of the buttons as she shook him back and forth. He gripped at her arms to shove
her away but failing in strength, dug his nails into her skin in an effort to
just get away. It worked as she hissed in pain and staggered back a bit, giving
Snot an opening to quickly race towards the front door to freedom.
He couldn't believe this was happening again! How fucking foolish was he?!
Throwing open the, thankfully unlocked, front door, he ran out onto the porch
just as the sun was setting in the distance. Strays of dying light shone across
the front lawn and hit him in the face when he spun to look back at his
childhood home.
His mother ran out onto the porch, though she paused just short of approaching
him any further. Maybe she was worried the neighbors would talk? “How dare you,
Schmuely! You're such a disappointment!”
Snot barked with harsh laughter. Him? The disappointment? “You know, nothing I
ever did was good enough for you! It's pathetic, the hoops I jumped through for
you!” He began to yell, growing teary eyed.
She flinched visibly and seemed taken back at the words. After a moment she
glanced back up, an evil glint in her eyes. “Well, you disappointed me. You
should have tried better, your poor father-”
"You wanna see me cry?” He interrupted her. “Is that it? Well, guess what?
You're out of luck." Snot muttered bitterly, holding his head up high as he
walked away, grabbing his bike from the edge of the sidewalk and riding away
quickly.
"Snot! Wait!" She cried suddenly but didn't chase after him.
Snot rode on, not bothering to turn back around. He'd said all he came to say.
It was done. Good riddance.
…
“It's... “ He chokes on a sob before continuing. “It is what it is.”
“Oh, Snot... “ Steve says, pulling his boyfriend into a hug as tight as he can
manage.
They're in his tree house with nightfall under way now and Snot thinks that his
uncle must be growing worried at this point but fuck going home right now and
fuck catering to his needs or any-fucking-one else's. This is what he needs
right now. He needs comfort. He needs Steve.
He doesn't know when he stopped crying into the boy's orange t-shirt or how
long it took but when he pulls back finally, he notices how wet the fabric is
now. He wipes at his face bitterly, angrily and avoids looking directly at
Steve's face for a while.
Steve feels like he's sitting on his hands, unable to do anything to make the
boy feel any better, unable to sit there quietly and not do something,
anything!
“Snot... I wish there was something I could do... “ He shrugs, helplessly,
trying to convey his worry and his love.
Finally, Snot looks up at him again and smiles surprisingly. “I know, Steven. I
love you.”
The two move nearly in sync with one another to come together for another hug
slash cuddle until all the darkness seems to have fallen away. Snot considers
falling asleep here, safe in his boyfriend's arms but knows realistically he
will have to return home soon.
Glancing up at Steve's face as he smiles down at him, he realizes what the
feeling he has really is.
It's like being home.
…
A few weeks later, his anxious night spent with his drunken mother is almost
forgotten, well nearly. He tries not to think too much about it. His
psychologist thinks he's brave for accepting her invitation. Uncle Solomon
thinks it's been to keep a stiff upper lip about things so of course he doesn't
want to discuss his sister's behavior whatsoever.
It's fine with Snot who'd really just rather move on. He has nothing new to add
to the conversation anyway and the situation is really not worth analyzing
anymore.
He begins spending more time at Steve's, his uncle seeming to give him a little
more time away from the farm. It's not like there's anything to really do
heading into winter but Snot thinks the “farm work” they were doing was really
more of an excuse anyway.
Still, with everything that's happened, his uncle has really been one of the
few supportive figures in his life and he doesn't know how he'll ever really
thank the man properly. Perhaps one day.
As he and Steve sit in the Smith family kitchen just shooting the shit, Stan
and Francine enter each looking very nervous.
Scratch that, Steve's mother is beaming with joy and Stan is kinda just looking
bored.
“Uh... hi guys?” Steve mumbles, taking in their expressions.
“Steve, go outside and play, would ya? We need to talk to your uh... friend.”
Blinking at his dad in trepidation, he narrows his eyes in suspicion. “Dad, I'm
not seven, I don't 'play outside' anymore. Besides, anything you can say to me,
you can say in front of Snot!”
“We are-That's not- “ Stan sighs in frustration at his son's unwillingness to
'play ball' as it were. “Will you just go upstairs or something?!”
Francine smiles sweetly. “Steve, sweetie, we need to talk with Snot. Can't you
give us a minute?”
Snot smiled at Mrs. Smith and the way she seemed eager to speak to him. “It's
alright, Steven.” He reassured his boyfriend as the boy got up to leave the
kitchen.
He watched as the boy's parents took a seat next to him at the table and waited
patiently to see what this was about.
“Snot... it has come to my attention that you have intentions with my son that
are... let's just say, not so admirable.”
The boy blushed. Oh, this was that conversation?
Francine jumped in, laughing nervously. “Oh, Stan! Snot, we understand you love
our Steven and honestly, I'm just so happy he found someone that wasn't just
going to replace me!”
She laughed loudly but Snot wasn't sure he got the joke exactly. Stan kind of
side-eyed her and continued on. “Well, son, look... we just wanted to tell you
that we fully support you and Steve provided you aren't here to take advantage
of the boy. You... aren't, are you? Pulling some kind of long con?”
He leaned in real close which caused Snot to relax and begin to laugh. “Mr.
Smith, you've known me a long time. Do I strike you as the sort of guy to plan
anything? Especially long term?”
“Well, I suppose not.”
The two stared at him for a moment more before awkwardly standing up, chairs
skidding across the kitchen floor noisily.
“Well, good talk!” Stan said, shaking his hand awkwardly before quickly
leaving.
Francine gave him a gentle hug and a smile before following him out leaving
Snot to sit at ponder the ramifications.
Were they... ? Was that their way of approving of him and Steve? Not that there
was any real question. They had been very supportive of them already.
Still, it was nice to know where you stood with your boyfriend's family,
especially when you were lacking one of your own.
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