Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/4082353.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Naruto
  Relationship:
      Hatake_Kakashi/Namikaze_Minato
  Character:
      Hatake_Kakashi, Namikaze_Minato, Nohara_Rin, Uchiha_Obito
  Additional Tags:
      MinaKaka, Yaoi, Rape, Rape/Non-con_Elements, Prostitution, Underage_Sex,
      Gay_Sex, Character_Death
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-06-05 Completed: 2015-06-07 Chapters: 2/2 Words: 7981
****** How Can I Protect You? ******
by GhostyGooGirl
Summary
     Wasn't that what Kakashi was fighting for? Freedom? But the truth
     left a sour taste in his mouth, for someone who'd been kept prisoner
     for most of his short life, he didn't have a clue how to fend for
     himself. In which Kakashi has an excessive need to protect his
     family. AU, Rape, Non-Con, Yaoi, Underage, MinaKaka.
Notes
     Warnings: AU, Rape, Non-Con, Yaoi, Underage
     Pairings: MinaKaka
     Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, all rights belong to Masashi
     Kishimoto.
     Come bug me on Tumblr. I'll answer any questions you guys have about
     my fics/sin/Naruto in general.
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
When his cell door was ripped off its hinges and he was hastily dragged through
the dark passage and out into the blinding light, he thought he was going to
die. He thought he was going to die and he thought his miserable existence had
finally come to an end, blotted out and forgotten about.
He'd briefly thought that Rin would die, that Obito would die-hell, his whole
family was dead.
There had always been the blinding terror, the threat looming over them that
their so called 'protection' would turn on them. Rip then to shreds, abuse
them, beat them until they could no longer move their frail limbs. But really
what were they there for? To 'look after' them? To feed them and shelter them?
No.
They were there to train them, to horde them like livestock until they were
deemed worthy of being sold to the wealthiest bidder. For a long time he'd
thought the walls surrounding them were there to keep something out - so he'd
been told - but in reality they were there to keep them in.
Rin had dreams and old tattered books filled with ideas and almost unimaginable
things - mountains of rock that towered high above the clouds, large expansive
bodies of water that were miles and miles in all directions and as deep as any
of us could even believe, rivers of sand and mud and tall tunnels of wind with
destructive powers that ravished lands. Her eyes were filled with hopes and
dreams and promises that were yet to be fulfilled and they sparkled like the
stars that they so rarely saw and the mockery of such stars that hung above
them, paper wrapped with foil that glinted off of the light that spilled forth
from the small lamp.
Kakashi was jealous because Rin's eyes never lost their warmth and love and
such child like innocence and Obito's retained their unwavering determination
and the ferocious strength of a lion. But Kakashi's just looked cold like steel
and the detest he felt for humanity was ever present on his face and the rage
burned within him every minute of every day. And he hated it, but he couldn't
help it because his own world - all of their worlds - we're ending around him
and there wasn't a thing he could do about it. Everyone he knew or had known
were dying or would disappear; he would have compared it to an apocalypse if it
weren't for the new souls being entrapped here more often than not.
Sometimes Kakashi felt helpless, abandoned and pathetic but when he looked at
his two peers - no not peers, family - he wondered if the reason his own soul
had been trapped here was for them. To care for them, to help them, to protect
them best he could from the horrors of this place because he knew he could
never live with himself if he saw Rin's warmth turn to ice and see those eyes
no longer look at him with hope but rather with glazed emptiness and for
Obito's unwavering determination to be broken. They were counting on him and in
a way he was counting on them to never leave him and for them to give him a
reason to carry on.
They were in a war against their protectors and there was no doubt they were
going to lose but if none of them bothered to fight then they couldn't win but
the ones who did didn't last long. Kakashi wanted to fight, he wanted to win
but he also wanted to be here for his adoptive family. His brother and sister.
His reason to live.
But they weren't here to fight, they were here because they didn't have a
choice and they knew it was pointless. They followed him, so oblivious to his
own suffering and that was how Kakashi wanted it; he promised them and himself
that he would protect them no matter what.
He didn't care if he died or not, his body was going to be used as a tool for
some old man for sexual pleasure so why not use it to fight for their freedom?
His friends were dying, if not physically, mentally at least. Everyday there
was a little less hope, the nights seemingly a little longer, their minds being
taken over by the ones in control. Their beliefs wavered everyday. Be the good
little slave. Please your superior. Know your place. You were born to serve.
It was all bullshit and Kakashi knew it yet it was people like him - the
unbreakables - that were discarded of first. He could see the other children
around him succumb to their daily brainwashing - becoming the perfect slave,
the perfect whore, the perfect submissive human being - but Kakashi couldn't
help them, and it chipped at his own confidence to pull through little by
little because once you got that far you weren't coming back.
So when his cell door was ripped off its hinges and he was hastily dragged
through the dark passage and out into the blinding light, he thought he was
going to die. He thought he was going to die and he thought his miserable
existence had finally come to an end, blotted out and forgotten about.
He'd briefly thought that Rin would die, that Obito would die.
But none of them died, none of them were beaten - they'd been saved. The men
wearing green flak jackets and headbands that Kakashi had vague memories of
from when he was really little had told him they were safe now, all of them
were and there was no need to worry. They weren't going to become slaves and
the protectors had been caught.
Kakashi still remembers the man that had saved him and his family that day.
Blond hair that shone in the blindingly bright sunlight, blue eyes that were
like the sky; the beautiful blue sky that he had not seen in the years he'd
been confined underground.
And then they were ushered away to a facility that was clean and had sunlight
and windows and comfy beds and proper food. And there was no brainwashing and
no abuse and there was no need to be on constant alert and no need to feel the
constant panic with the knowledge that you could be put to death at any moment.
But Kakashi still felt all of these things, he couldn't relax even if he wanted
to; as far as he was concerned these people were the same with their white lab
coats and sterile equipment. He didn't know these people but he knew they were
adults and adults were not to be trusted.
The three of them were there for months - he didn't know how many, but it felt
like forever - and the children who had remaining family had come for them and
had taken them home. Parents and siblings turning up, displays of excessive
emotion that most of the kids had long forgotten about and to say everyone
who'd been 'saved' found it awkward was an understatement. It was like none of
them knew how to feel, or at least express how to feel anymore.
The ones remaining - himself, Obito and Rin included - were told that Konoha
could no longer afford to look after them any more as the resources they
possessed were limited and room was tight in the hospital. It seemed that while
Kakashi was fighting his own war with the protectors, the world above him was
also at war. Konoha had apparently saved them but in truth they were chucking
them out to fend for themselves. Only this time they'd have freedom.
Wasn't that what Kakashi was fighting for? Freedom? But the truth left a sour
taste in his mouth, for someone who'd been kept prisoner for most of his short
life, he didn't have a clue how to fend for himself, let alone look after his
two companions.
They were dying. His family were dying. He was dying. Everyday there was less
food, there was no shelter from Konoha's cold nights. Everyday their clothes
were a little less clean and everyday was a struggle to survive, to earn money,
to steal the food they desperately needed because their faces were too easily
recognized after a month of pulling off the same tricks.
Konoha - who had once welcomed their return home with loving arms and caring
words was now turning a cold shoulder to the ones who had lost their way in the
world.
All of them were slowly decaying but it hurt Kakashi more to see Rin and Obito
suffering because Kakashi wasn't good enough to protect them. He had to do
something - anything - to ensure their survival.
The first time a man cornered them in an alleyway, separating Rin from the two
others and tried to rape her, they were too shocked to know what to do. Rin was
screaming and crying and none of them had even heard about rape before, but
they knew that what was happening was wrong.
Kakashi was the first to spring into action, kicking and punching the man in a
full frontal attack, dodging blows coming his way at every chance he got but he
wasn't good enough. The man grabbed him and flung him hard into a brick wall
and then he knew he wasn't capable of protecting anyone as he stared at Obito's
slumped form, trembling in fear and shock. Kakashi needed to get stronger.
He could hear Rin's screaming echoing, loudly bouncing off of the tall, dirty
walls. He had her up against the wall and she couldn't move now and Kakashi
couldn't move and he knew it was the end.
And then there was a flash of yellow and the rapist was on the ground shouting
obscenities at the man pinning him there. Kakashi recognized him as the first
man he'd seen when he'd been rescued from the underground.
His blue eyes - so different from Kakashi's - radiated warmth and comfort and
everything the three of them had needed for so long. It was cruel of him to
dangle it in front of them when they couldn't obtain it.
Two other figures jumped into the alley way but Kakashi paid no attention to
them, his gaze directed solely on the man in front of him. Pulling himself up
he made his way to grab Rin by the arm, pulling her roughly away from the
adults - adults were bad - and to sit by a shocked Obito.
He stood in front of his family - he needed to protect them - and glared
menacingly at the other three people who had arrived; he made a good job of not
giving a glance at the scum who had now been knocked out on the floor.
"Thanks for the help kids, we've been after this one for a while now."
The blond spoke in such a calm way. It made Kakashi furious. How could he speak
without a care in the world when Kakashi could barely keep himself and the
others alive?
The female of the adults roughly picked the unconscious man up and slung him
over her shoulder.
"Minato, we're gunna take him in before he wakes up, we'll meet you there?"
The blond nodded and smiled his acknowledgment before the two others
disappeared. He looked back at Kakashi.
"You did well, you've got a lot of potential, what's your name?"
He glared at Minato, he wondered if it was a good idea to mention his name. He
figured it wouldn't do any harm.
"Kakashi."
The man smiled. "Well it's nice to meet you Kakashi."
He held out his arm for a hand shake but Kakashi didn't quite understand what
the gesture meant so stood his ground. The arm was retracted when Minato
realized he wasn't going to get a response.
"Well...anyway I'm sure you're friends will be fine, there was no harm done,"
he nodded and made his way past the three of them but stopped in hesitation
before turning to look back. "Are you ok? Do you have any place to stay?"
Rin opened her mouth to speak up but Kakashi beat her to it.
"Yes we're fine."
"Ok then," he turned around and took a few steps and Kakashi wanted to roll his
eyes when the other stopped once again and turned to talk to them. "Look,
ugh.." He shook his head. "How old are you guys?"
There was a tense silence before Kakashi replied.
"Seven."
"Well you're old enough to enter the academy if you've ever considered becoming
a shinobi...it's free and well, we need all the help we can get at the moment.
New recruits mean a better future...and all that..." Minato seemed hesitant,
his words trailing off and his speech unsure. "From what I've seen, Kakashi,
you have great potential. We could use you."
"I won't go anywhere without Rin or Obito."
Minato looked at the children's scrawny stature and tattered, dirty clothes and
nodded slowly.
"They can come to. Just think about it, yeah?" He didn't expect an answer so
instead he left them in a blink of an eye.
And with that, life continued.
As time went on and food became scarce for even the people with respectable
jobs, things started to get really hard for the three of them. No one helped
them at all anymore - before there would be the odd person offering them food
or shelter - but now no one could afford it; the war had really taken its toll.
They were wearing down and Kakashi had to do something. He had to keep them
alive.
He thought back to the man they'd met that day. Minato. A plan formed in
Kakashi's mind and it was then that he decided to take up the offer about
joining the academy, it meant that they could defend themselves and it would
give them hope for the future. He would learn later that once graduated, they'd
be able to earn money.
But until then Kakashi needed to get them by, keep them safe. He thought back
to that day, that rapist. Did men like boys as well? Could he get food or money
in return for letting men do to him what that man had wanted to do to Rin?
He'd studied some of the women who hung around this area at night. They'd
exchange sexual favors for various things; most of the disgusting men called
them whores. The drunken old perverts would shove wads of cash into their hands
when they were done and it looked like a lot to Kakashi. He needed that money.
Could Kakashi do it? Could he be like those women? Could he offer his body to
keep them alive? Yes. He could and he would he decided.
Under the cover of darkness, when the other two were asleep, sheltered under a
small fort made of filthy cardboard boxes, he stealthily sneaked away. It was
freezing and he could see his breath as he jogged towards the nearest popular
area where the whores generally advertised themselves. He couldn't stop
shivering as he stood and leaned against an icy brick wall, and it wasn't just
from the cold.
Peering around him at the run-down street, he could hear the thumping of music
and see the flashing neon-lights. He stood there for three hours, his eyes sore
and his body weak from exhaustion and lack of nourishment before he got his
first customer. He was surprised anyone had propositioned him in the first
place; it wasn't like he was trying very hard. He really didn't want to do this
and he was still hesitant as he followed the man into a nearby alleyway, the
mans rough hands pushing him face first in to a small hidden alcove.
Kakashi was frightened to the core but this needed to be done. They needed to
survive. He was sick to the point of throwing up and the drunk man was dirty
and he stank and his clammy hands were grabbing at Kakashi's exposed flesh,
groping him and licking him.
Kakashi's first time was rough and it hurt. It hurt a lot and it took all of
his willpower not to scream and thrash and push the man away as he pounded into
his ass as he was taken up against the wall. Do it for them. Do it for them. Do
it for them. The same four words chanting over and over in his mind.
When the man was done he handed Kakashi the cash and walked off. He slumped to
the ground, the pain in his behind searing but he still needed more money. He
still had until daylight.
The rest of the night was much the same; wet mouths running along his skin, his
neck, his back and thighs. The sound of flesh slapping against flesh every time
they pushed into his ass or mouth. Everything became a blur and every face
merged into the next and all Kakashi wanted to do was to throw up and sleep. Or
even better, to die. But he couldn't die, not yet. Not until Rin and Obito were
safe.
When the dark night sky turned to a deep, murky blue, Kakashi limped back to
their makeshift den. He collapsed just around the corner and cried. He sobbed
as he let out everything he'd been holding in, smashing his fists into the
floor at his blatant display of weakness. He felt disgusting, like he would
never be clean again. He was disgusting but he'd made a lot of money tonight.
That was one positive thing and he was sure it was the only thing that stopped
him from crying and giving up and gave him incentive to get to his feet when he
could and face another day.
Standing up, he wiped the tears from his tired eyes, washed himself in one of
the nearby public bathrooms and made his way back to his family. He curled up
next to Rin, wrapping his arms around her, needing that familiar scent and
comfort and fell asleep. If she noticed his trembling body pressed against
hers, she didn't mention it.
The next day brought warmer weather with it and as a mutual agreement they all
decided to head over to the academy. It was relatively easy to get in but it
still didn't provide them with food or shelter so, much to Kakashi's despair,
he'd have to keep up his nightly job.
He was perhaps a little happier and relieved when he saw his two friends
munching enthusiastically on the warm meat he'd bought for them on the way back
from the academy. They'd asked where he got the money and reluctantly lied to
them by saying a generous stranger had handed it to him and that it was also
part of his savings. If it occurred to them that there was not enough money for
him to save as it was, they didn't question it. He savored the delicious meal
and tried his best to enjoy the two others joyful chatter but he knew once the
sun went down he'd have to return to his disgusting, degrading job again.
Years later, when both Obito and Rin had found out they thought they should
have known and wished they could have done something. But yet they knew wishing
was pointless because the world was cruel, people were cruel - they weren't
generous or kind or understanding - they did things to get by in life and
that's exactly what Kakashi had done for them.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Notes
     Warnings: AU, Rape, Non-Con, Yaoi, Underage
     Pairings: MinaKaka
     Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, all rights belong to Masashi
     Kishimoto.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
After two years all three of them had successfully graduated from the academy
at the top of their class. They were to meet their jounin sensei and train and
go on missions and earn actual money in an honest way. It meant Kakashi could
stop selling his body.
As it turned out, it was Minato who was assigned as their sensei. It surprised
Obito and Rin but Kakashi had come to expect the unexpected - something he had
learnt from his line of work - so he wasn't surprised but he was grateful
because the man did seem genuinely nice and he got on well with the other two.
So a few months and many missions later, the three of them finally had their
own place. It was small and it was only one room with a small bathroom but it
was home. It was their own home, it was a place to rest with a roof over their
heads, it was a place to shelter them from the cold winds and the people who
wanted to rape them or attack them or mug them. It was the safest they'd felt
in a long time. And all of a sudden they had the money for three meals a day
and new clothes and new weapons. They could afford hot running water and
electricity. It was everything they'd ever dreamed of and more.
Kakashi realises it's the happiest he's been in a long time; he can't even
remember the last time he'd laughed or smiled without faking it. He knows
though that he shouldn't be laughing or smiling, he shouldn't be happy because
they have an even bigger war to fight and they're right in the middle of it.
He sees Rin smiling and reading her new books and it occurs to her that it's
now entirely possible for all three of them to see the world once the war is
over and he sees Obito talking enthusiastically with their sensei and the
fierce determination behind his words that "one day I'll become Hokage!" And he
thinks that they deserve to be happy regardless of the situation, regardless of
the war, regardless of all the sacrifices Kakashi has made and isn't that why
he did everything he did in the first place? They deserve all the happiness
they can get and he silently hopes he can be forgiven for being happy too
because someone as dirty and marred as him doesn't deserve that warm, light
hearted feeling in his chest.
The three of them grow closer and closer everyday but Kakashi never stops
thinking and refuses to forget that his goal in life is to protect them and
that is his duty. So he trains hard, harder than the other two, and when it
comes to the chunin exams, he's ready and they pass with flying colours because
his need to fight and to protect and to win becomes excessive and the two
others can hardly believe their eyes when they're awarded their green flak
jacket and new rank. This opened up a lot more opportunities for them and
things could only get better from here they mused.
The blonde haired sensei couldn't think of a better outcome for the three of
them as he looks on with proud eyes at a stoic Kakashi, smiling Rin and an over
excited Obito bouncing up and down with joy because he's one step closer to
becoming Hokage. Kakashi is equally as proud because the scrawny young kids
that they used to be have grown so much over the past few years and they're
still a family and Kakashi can't help but smile at their victory because it's a
big victory to them; they're alive, they survived the worst years of their
life.
His family is perfect and he loves them dearly but it hurts Kakashi a little
that both Rin and Obito and even Minato can be so perfect because they each had
their own thing, their own passion and all Kakashi got was a death wish and an
unhealthily excessive need to protect. But he thinks that sometimes it's not
all bad, at least he has been given the opportunity to be graced by these
people's very presence. He's later told by Minato that the the other two
wouldn't be here if it weren't for Kakashi and in all honesty Kakashi had never
looked at it that way, he'd always thought of it as the other way around. Maybe
it worked both ways. He refused to acknowledge that Minato knew exactly what
he'd been through for them.
They're twelve now and he looks at Obito and Rin and even though he is very
much apart of their life, he sees that the two of them have grown very close
and it scares Kakashi. He realizes now that they have the skills necessary to
fend for themselves and they can defend each other without the need of Kakashi.
And that also hurts because now it's almost like Kakashi has no purpose because
he's no good at anything else other than being a tool for the village. He finds
it difficult to express his emotions unlike the other two, he can't lower his
guard, he can't dream anymore because he's too into the now moment, too down to
earth to be like Rin, he has no real goal like Obito.
After that realization he becomes a lot more reckless, almost arrogant in his
ways. Of course he still loves them and protects them with every fiber of his
being but he thinks that it really doesn't matter if he dies in the line of
duty. He's fulfilled his life's goal - to protect Obito and Rin, to keep them
alive - he is no longer needed now because they could do that themselves. He
could see that Obito was starting to take over Kakashi's role, protecting Rin
and even Kakashi at times and he knew it was irrational and he knew he
shouldn't feel jealous or betrayed because they all stuck up for each other
now, it wasn't solely his responsibility anymore.
Before they'd graduated he had wanted to be their protector, he had wanted to
live to protect them, he believed he was put on this earth to protect them and
now he wanted to die protecting them. The change in his behavior was obvious to
everyone but no one said anything about it. Looking back now he didn't know
whether it was because they were afraid or just didn't really worry too much
about it because Kakashi was elite and he knew it.
The day that Kakashi had been told he'd be promoted to Jounin, he was
ecstatically happy. The three other members of his family - he now considered
Minato apart of his family - celebrated with him and congratulated him by
buying him presents.
Minato gave him one of his signature kunai, Rin gave him a special med kit that
she'd put together herself as she knew how reckless he'd become and she worried
for him and Obito gave him a set of goggles much like the ones he wore. He
appreciated the gesture but Kakashi highly doubted he'd ever wear them yet it
was the thought that counted and he knew Obito had never been good with
choosing gifts. Kakashi was grateful anyway and appreciated the thought that
had been put in, after all he hadn't really expected it.
Their next mission was due the following week where he'd be leading the rest of
his team for the first time and in truth Kakashi didn't really find any reason
to worry; he was confident in his abilities.
But he was wrong to assume that everything would work out fine. He was wrong to
be so sure of his abilities. He was wrong to be so arrogant and reckless
because that was the day that Obito finally found out his second name and that
was also the day that Obito died in battle. He died protecting Kakashi and Rin
and Kakashi has never stopped thinking that it should have been himself in
Obito's position.
Obito who had had a real family this entire time, who were an elite clan at
that. He was an Uchiha and it had taken them up until his sharingan had awoken
for them to realize. He hadn't even had the chance to meet his family...his
biological family.
Rin had been taken and he was fighting with all he had to get her back but he'd
been overpowered, trapped and he'd lost his eye. Obito had rescued him, saved
him just in time and in a way Kakashi was a bit disappointed; he'd thought he'd
finally had it.
Rin was unharmed when they found her tied up in the cave and they'd thought
they'd succeeded in this disastrous mission but they were proven wrong. The
cave had collapsed and rocks were falling all around them and Kakashi would
have been crushed and he'd welcomed death with open arms but instead it was
Obito who took the fall.
Obito had told Kakashi that he wanted to give his sharingan to him because then
apart of Obito would always be there with him. It hurt like nothing Kakashi had
felt before, his mind was a wreck, it felt like something was clawing inside
his chest and he could feel the anger boiling within him, searing through his
veins, because this was Obito in front of him. Dead. Dead because of these
people and because he'd protected Kakashi when it was Kakashi who was meant to
be protecting him.
Kakashi screamed as he slaughtered every enemy in sight, the new implanted
sharingan aiding his already ferocious abilities. He finished the battle on his
own, his sensei nowhere in sight and a scared Rin standing and watching from a
distance with fear in her eyes because she'd never seen this Kakashi. This
Kakashi was furious and merciless and it frightened her to see him kill with
such ease, with no regret.
When Rin and himself were the only ones standing, it was only then that he
allowed him self to collapse, his chakra almost completely depleted. He
clutched his hand over his eye in pain. The last thing he saw before he blacked
out was his sensei running towards him.
He woke up in hospital, the white walls eerily clean but the first thing he
could remember was feeling the splatter of Obito's blood on his face as he was
crushes by the rocks in front of him. Blood soaked his hands and knees as knelt
down, shocked but desperate to save his brother. He could remember the way
Obito's eyes had filled with pain as he slowly slipped away into oblivion and
the way the blood pooled under him and Rin as she implanted his eye into
Kakashi, the pain he felt physically was almost numbing compared to how he felt
inside.
He looked at the white walls, the white floor and ceiling, the white bed sheets
but all he could see was blood splattered across everything. Obito's blood. He
looked down at his own hands and they were dripping with blood and no matter
how much he scrubbed his hands the blood wouldn't come off.
He looked at his reflection, at the bandage covering his left eye and he knew
then that he was weak. He was pathetic and he couldn't save his brother. He
couldn't save Obito, he'd failed his family. He was a disappointment. And all
he could see were the images of Obito's dead body projected on the inside of
his eyelids every time he blinked. And it hurt. It hurt to see Rin, to see her
eyes dull as the weeks passed because without Obito it wasn't the same.
Obito's death had left a massive hole in all of their lives but Kakashi
couldn't deny that it had effected Rin the most. That knowledge alone was
tearing him up inside and the guilt was almost too much to bare every time he
looked at his sister. After a while she stopped talking and all Kakashi could
do to cope with the pain was to drink and that's what he did. He drank and he
fucked and trained relentlessly because there was nothing he could do to bring
the old Rin back, the Rin with hopes and dreams, the Rin who cared and wanted
to see the world. He couldn't save her from her depression because Kakashi
couldn't even save himself and it hurt to just sit and watch her destroy
herself bit by bit.
A month later as Rin lay dying in his arms, a hole in her chest, her last words
forever stuck with Kakashi.
"I was in love with him, Kakashi, I'm so sorry."
And she stroked his cheek in a poor attempt at comfort and reassurance that
everything would be ok. But nothing would be ok again. Kakashi would never be
ok again because he had lost two of three most precious people in his life and
right now he felt like slitting his wrists.
When he got home, his clothes drenched in blood - he didn't know what was Rin's
or the enemies anymore - he peered in the bathroom mirror. A smudged bloody
hand print ran down his cheek; another reminder that Rin was in fact dead by
his own hand.
After that day he no longer had a team and refused to show his face in public,
the only exception being Minato. The mask helped him in a way because every
time he caught his reflection without it on, it bought vivid memories of
Obito's blood splatters and Rin's hand print and the horrible way they'd died.
He was a monster. Kakashi couldn't forgive himself. It was one thing for Obito
to take his place but for Rin to die by his own jutsu, his own hand puncturing
her chest? Unforgivable.
His family was gone because now Minato had his own family, he had Kushina and
he would soon be graced with his own child. There was no room for Kakashi in
his life and Minato wouldn't have the time for him now anyway. Being Hokage was
a lot of work as it was, Minato didn't need a depressed pubescent teenager
clinging to him like glue every minute of everyday.
Kakashi hated the deafening silence of his empty apartment because his wounds
were still too raw. The lack of noise, the lack of shallow breathing, of quiet
whispering and mellow laughter that was all too familiar was daunting and
Kakashi missed those simple comforts with ever breath he took and every beat of
his broken heart that he wished would just stop already. He cried silently into
his pillow every night and pulled up his mask whenever he felt insecure and he
always felt insecure. Obito and Rin were dead because of him.
He'd been put into ANBU via Minato's request because Minato no longer had the
time to train with him or go on missions with him and now he didn't have a
team. So in a way it sort of made sense to Kakashi, it gave him something to do
and it also allowed him to channel his anger and sadness into something
productive; that's if anyone could call killing innocent people - children even
- productive. It just turned Kakashi cold and shattered whatever little spirit
he had left.
Months and months worth of bloodshed later, Kakashi had finally had enough. He
went to find Minato.
Said man was sat behind the Hokage desk, piles of papers stacked high in front
of the blond. Kakashi hesitantly knocked on the already open door to grab his
attention. The man looked up from his work with wide, questioning eyes and
smiled at the familiar figure stood anxiously in his doorway.
"Kakashi! It's been a while, what can I do for you?"
"Sensei..." Kakashi was hesitant with his words, he no longer felt right among
other people, the comfort he felt when he was surrounded by his family was long
gone and his social anxiety had taken control.
He strolled into the room, closing the door behind him. Standing in front of
the man, he stared blankly at the collar of the Hokage's white coat because he
couldn't bring himself to look the blond in the eye. His next words were rather
embarrassing because he was blatantly admitting defeat, admitting that he was
too weak to carry on.
"Sensei, are you still in need of me?"
There was a tense silence as the meaning of the words sunk in for Minato.
Realization gleamed in his eyes and then he frowned and Kakashi refused to look
at the pity that was surely painted across the Hokage's face because
he hated being pitied of all things. Pity was even worse than disgust to
Kakashi.
Minato sighed and studied the teens rigid form, his muscles tense beneath his
baggy clothes. When had Kakashi lost so much weight? Had he really been that
busy to notice? How long had it been since he'd spent some quality time with
this boy that so desperately needed him because he no longer had anyone else?
"Kakashi, I would like to offer you something."
He continued to stare at Minato's coat collar, confused as to what the older
man could possibly be offering him now of all times.
"Sensei?"
Minato looked at him.
"Kakashi, do you want me to help you? I can if that is what you want. If not
then the alternative is..." He licked his lips. "Is not something I'd like to
happen. I don't want to lose you anymore than I already have Kakashi."
Did he want help? Kakashi mulled it over because in all honesty he just wanted
to die. There was nothing left, he'd lost everyone and everything that meant
something to him. There was no purpose in him even existing anymore. He'd hoped
Minato would have let him go in peace but judging by the words he'd told
Kakashi, that wasn't the case. He wasn't go to allow Kakashi to take his own
life.
Minato shuffled nervously.
"I can help you to live again, to feel again...but only if that is what you
want, Kakashi."
He doubted that it was even possible for anyone to make him feel alive again
but who was he, really, to say no to Minato? Who was he to stop the last person
he gave a shit about to try and make him feel good again? Isn't that what
Kakashi wanted? He couldn't decide whether he wanted to feel good again or not
because why should he deserve to be happy when he had failed Rin and Obito who
were dead and buried. But when his sensei asked a second time, "Do you want me
to help?" Kakashi replied with a firm,
"Yes."
Minato had told him that night that he may not be capable of making Kakashi
love himself again, to accept that he wasn't a monster, but he could love
Kakashi for him.
"I can make love to you. I'm not sure if anyone has ever given you that,
Kakashi, but of all the people I know, you are the one person who deserves to
have that love more than anyone else."
Kakashi was shocked at the words that had left the Hokage's mouth. He'd had sex
so many times with so many different people and every time he'd experienced
pain or discomfort. His customers were no different to people he'd been with
willingly when he'd go out each night, they were all rough and only ever had
one thing in mind but that had been ok because Kakashi was never looking for
anything serious. But now...now he was so sick of it. So sick of being reminded
of the countless men who'd used and abused him, each time it bought back vivid
memories of sweaty hands and bodies and the feeling of dried cum and blood on
his thighs and saliva trails down his neck and the disgusting scent of drunken
men that clung to him each night. It made him feel sick and he didn't want to
do it.
He didn't want to fuck his sensei and associate him with all the other sick,
perverted men who got off over fucking little boys because Kakashi looked up to
Minato and he just couldn't. He couldn't do it.
Without noticing it, a small frown crossed his face.
"With all due respect Hokage, I...I appreciate the offer but I'm no virgin and
I don't-"
"It's Minato, Kakashi, and I wasn't asking if you were a virgin nor was I
asking if you wanted to fuck or have casual sex because that implies that there
would be no emotion attached to it. I have too much respect for you to do that
to you, Kakashi."
"Sensei, I-"
"Minato. I'm no longer your sensei."
All Kakashi could do was nod because he couldn't find the words, he didn't know
what it was like to be loved that way, to experience sex as something
pleasurable and for a long time he hadn't really believed it a possibility.
Minato strolled around the large desk and placed his hands gently, comfortingly
on Kakashi's shoulders.
His body relaxed as he finally gave in and looked into those blue eyes and
Kakashi was surprised to find them devoid of disgust and pity and found love
instead. Love directed at Kakashi and no one else because even though there was
no one else here he still found it hard to believe.
"I want to take my time to caress you, to kiss you and explore your body,
Kakashi. I want to feel you, to take you slowly and gently and lovingly and I
want you to feel me in return. I want you too feel loved because when was the
last time anyone has ever made you feel loved or content or made you know
beyond a doubt that you were cared for, that there was always that one special
person that would never stop caring?"
Kakashi's heart was pounding almost painfully against his rib cage, his
breathing deeper and his pupils blown wide. He gasped when Minato moved his
warm hands down Kakashi's arms to clutch at his trembling hands, his
constricted lungs finally filling with oxygen.
"Let me love you."
Kakashi leaned into Minato, clutching desperately at his clothes because he was
on the verge of tears because he knew this man wasn't lying when he said he
wanted to make Kakashi feel loved. He whimpered a quiet "Yes" into the mans
shoulder.
He didn't take Kakashi home with him nor did he take Kakashi back to his own
apartment and he was glad because there were too many ghosts there, too many
memories that haunted him. Instead Minato slowly divested Kakashi of his
clothing, kissing him sweetly, tenderly along his body as his flesh was exposed
bit by bit.
Warm hands slid along Kakashi trembling sides and hoisted him up onto the desk.
Minato hovered over him, sliding Kakashi firm against him so that his legs were
wrapped around the blond's waist. He was looking deep into Kakashi's eyes now
and Kakashi knew he was blushing because this was more intimate than anything
he'd experience before and he licked his dry lips nervously.
"It's ok Kakashi, I won't hurt you and we can stop at any moment."
Kakashi nodded and wiggled his hips slightly because he couldn't deny that he
was aroused and the small moan that had escaped Minato was also a sure
indication that the man felt the same. And then he was being kissed deeply,
passionately and it was like fireworks in Kakashi's mind and heart because it
wasn't just physical, he loved this man, truly loved him because he was
Kakashi's last hope and in truth no one had understood Kakashi like Minato had.
He tried his best to mimic the other mans movements, sliding his hands along
taunt muscles and smooth skin, and that was all there was for a while. Gentle
caresses that were driving Kakashi wild and deep, gentle kisses that he wished
would never come to an end.
He was gasping now and he was feeling things that seemed too overbearing,
emotions that he couldn't even decipher because he'd never felt anything like
this before. He was clutching at Minato now, silently begging for the two of
them to be connected, to be one because he needed Minato more than anyone else
in the world, Kakashi didn't want to be alone anymore. He wanted to be complete
because for so long now he hadn't been.
By the time they were finally connected, Kakashi was crying because the touches
were still soft and caring and Minato had stuck to his word. He was making
Kakashi quiver with pleasure and there was no fear, no pain and no hatred. He
wasn't being fucked, he was being loved and he could feel the love radiating
off of Minato to engulf Kakashi in a warm cocoon. Everything was soft and
pleasurable and unhurried and it was so overwhelming to feel these things,
Kakashi could feel his icy core melt by Minato warmth, he was like summer while
Kakashi was like winter. It was so good that it almost hurt.
The feelings caressed his body, his soul and everything was so meaningful as
the man slid in and out of his pliant body, dragging forth gasps and moans that
Kakashi had never heard come from himself before. It was the longest time he'd
ever had sex with someone and it was beautiful because it was with this man,
and he knew then that no one else could compare, not tomorrow or the next day,
not in twenty or fifty years and probably not in a millennia because Minato
meant everything to Kakashi. He was his anchor, his life and he was the last
thing Kakashi had to live for.
When they'd finished, Kakashi was left whimpering, tears streaming down his
cheeks and hands clutching onto Minato because he didn't want it to end and at
the moment he was relying on him as his only source of strength and right now
all he wanted was to be comforted and be reassured that the man would never
abandon him, never leave him.
He loved this man. He loved him with all his heart, he'd just never realized it
until now.
Kushina had never found out about Minato and Kakashi, if she had then Kakashi
was pretty sure he wouldn't be able to walk the planes of this earth to this
very day. It was another four months before his world came tumbling down again.
Minato had died saving the village, had sealed the Kyuubi into his son and
Kakashi hated it. He hated it because Minato didn't need to sacrifice himself,
Kushina was willing to take the burden for him. And yet again, Kakashi had
failed to protect the person he loved.
As he peered down at the small sleeping baby in the cot he couldn't help but
think of how much this child resembled Minato. He couldn't bring himself to
hate this baby because it wasn't his fault for the things that had happened and
Kakashi thought Minato an idiot for believing the child could be seen as a hero
because people were shallow and cruel and vengeful. Naruto would only ever be
seen as a demon to many of the villagers but no matter how much Kakashi wanted
to believe the same, he couldn't.
He couldn't let another poor soul who was alone in the world to have no family,
to have no one care for him so instead Kakashi would care. He would look after
the baby and give him all of his remaining love because Minato had taught him
how to feel and he really wish he hadn't because Kakashi couldn't love himself
for the monstrous things he'd done but he could love this baby.
Yes. The world was cruel and it was rarely ever kind. But, Kakashi mused, when
it was kind it made the bad times a little more bearable and the bad times made
you look forward to the good times that little bit more.
After all, Kakashi smiled,
"My current situation is not my final destination."
Chapter End Notes
     A/N: This is the last chapter for this story so I hope you guys
     enjoyed reading. The last line was a quote I found on Tumblr, not
     entirely sure who it's originally from but I just had to use it
     because I guess it kinda fits. Anyway, thanks for reading! Please let
     me know what you thought of this fic! :)
End Notes
     A/N: Thanks for reading, let me know if you want more? :)
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