Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/13798059. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: M/M Fandom: Durarara!! Relationship: Heiwajima_Shizuo/Orihara_Izaya, Orihara_Izaya/Original_Male_Character(s) Character: Heiwajima_Shizuo, Orihara_Izaya, Orihara_Mairu, Orihara_Kururi, Kishitani Shinra, Shiki_Haruya, Original_Characters Additional Tags: Prostitution, Underage_Prostitution, Underage_Sex, Drugs, BDSM, Dark, Sad, Abuse, Implied/Referenced_Child_Abuse, Oh_My_God, I_am_sorry everything_will_get_better_in_few_chapters, Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Shibari, hurt_izaya, Swearing Series: Part 1 of House_of_the_Rising_Sun Stats: Published: 2018-02-25 Updated: 2018-03-29 Chapters: 11/? Words: 21046 ****** House of the Rising Sun ****** by ShannynFaucheux Summary ...Before hanging up, his captor said three words. Those three words were going to haunt Izaya mercilessly throughout his life. No. Those three words made Izaya the man he is today ; -‘’ Remember, …information is power. ‘’ The untold story of Izaya Orihara. This first part will contain his past and the second series will take place in present time. Changes will be made. Please beware of the tags and enjoy. Notes In this story I am trying out a more 'relaxed' way of writing. I am not fascinated by my work in first chapter but the second one is good I think Update : I will re-write the first two chapters when I am done with this series, but please give it a go till 3rd chapter, writing gets better I swear :D ***** Epiloque of a New Beginning *****                                                                                           House of the Rising Sun   Ch 1 : Epiloque of a New Beginning   Rising sun slowly lit the room into a faint sunrise as the sixteen year old boy pushed down the zipper of a Prussian blue suitcase to close it. ‘’Huh.. that was hard.’’ He mumbled. Trying to catch his breath, he turned around to face his seven-year-old twin sisters. A shaky smile crept upon his fleshy lips while he said; ‘’ We’re going.’’ Hearing the epilogue of their new beginning , twins looked at each other, and the shorter one faintheartedly asked if they were going to see their father. ‘’No.’’ The boy quickly said and took the heavy suitcase down from the bed. As he did so, the dreamlike atmosphere of the room changed into a more courageous one. Yes, he was going to run away from all the unspeakable things that he was forced to experience.. Yes, he was going to make it somehow. And no, he wasn’t going to let any of it happen to his sisters. The sixteen-year-old boy straighened his back, with his sisters alongside him, he closed the door of their house of the rising sun. ***** Ikebukuro ***** Chapter Notes My writing is still tense in the beginning of this chapter but it gets better. I might write the next chapter tonight. Ch 2 : Ikebukuro It was kind of hard. You know, escaping from a town that god probably has forgotten about, to a big city called ‘Ikebukuro’. Still, the sixteen year old Izaya Orihara managed to rent an apartment that had two bedrooms with using both half-legal and illegal paperwork. It was obvious to him from the beginning that his biggest problem was going to be money. But the rush? He didn’t expected that. So about money, getting a legal job was a ‘fata morgana’. It wasn’t going to happen. Almost every night for a week, Izaya put his sisters to sleep and went wondering into the underground to find some kind of an money source. He made appereances for people who might give him a drug-trading kind of job. Anything to put food on the table. It did not work. He had to make a name for himself. No one was going to give him a job that could put people on the line. To get a job, you had to be raised inside the Yakuza, where strangers weren’t easily allowed in. It was night in Ikebukuro and the cold was cruel on Izaya’s skin. He made his way onto the street where prostitutes from all over the world hunted for some cash. They were male, female, somewhere between , even. This was his route back home, back home to his sisters. But instead he found a deserted streetlight and rested his back alongside it, just to consider his situation a bit. He didn’t really expected a car –a really luxurious one- coming and pulling up beside him. But still, he tried not to lose his cool when the car’s glass moved down and a man –in his middle thirties- eyed him almost hungrily: - ‘’ Are you doing S&M work ?’’ The man asked with an accented Japanese. He sounded Chinese. Izaya’s eyes met with his and the word fell randomly from his sinless mouth: - ‘’ Wh- What?’’ On boy’s almost startled response the man just smiled and started doing something in the car. Izaya didn’t see what was going on because of the dark. But when the man held over a cigarette to him, his limbs moved unconsciously and he took the cigarette with his cold and slightly trembling hand. ‘’ Call me if you decide to have some fun, cute boy.’’ The Chinese man drove away after that. And Izaya’s brain then processed the numbers written on the cigarette. He looked around and slowly put the cigarette in his pocket. Just before he started to walk, an high-pitched voice filled his ears: ‘’ Honey you have no idea how lucky you are ‘’ Startled, he turned around to see a stranger walking towards to him. The man was limping and slurred the words while speaking. ‘’ What do you mean? ‘’ Izaya asked with his most mature manner. The man stood beside Izaya like he was waiting a bus and grinned. ‘’ You know the man in the posh car, kawaii-kun.’’ He wobbled around and held onto the streetlight. ‘’ He is one of the top guys in Chinese-Japanese yakuza. Man I didn’t even know he was into boys’’ He cast an eye on Izaya with antipathy. That made Izaya slighly uncomfortable , but he still listened. ‘’ But since you look like a woman.. I don’t know ‘’ He was high. That, Izaya could tell. The man slumped down under the streetlight and fell asleep right there. Or maybe he was dead. Who knows. Izaya silently thanked for the information and quickly walked away from the man. He felt the cigarette on the tip of his finger. No, he couldn’t do this. He wet his dry lips and pulled the hood of his jacket onto his head. Sadness shimmered in his eyes. But his tears were quickly dried by the strong wind of Ikebukuro. He was going to get away from the pain. NO! This wasn’t supposed to happen. But it happened. A week later, he had to make a choice; he was either going to make that phone call, or they were going to starve. With trembling hands he lit the cigarette and dialed the phone number: - ‘’ Yes ? ‘’ - ‘’ I-um.. You gave me this phone number a week ago and uh-‘’ He tried to sound cute and smiled when speaking; both to impress and prevent his voice from cracking. - ‘’ Oh, you’re that cute boy aren’t you..’’ Izaya swallowed the fluid that was climbing upwards inside his throat down and dropped a tear onto the light brown table: - ‘’Yes, sir’’ - ‘’ Alright. How can I help you then ?’’ ***** Butterflies that appear in the night ***** Chapter Notes The next chapter will be Butterflies that appear in the night pt.2 and it will be pure smut. I will be writing it today while I am at school and doing nothing particular. I wanted to cut it out to the next chapter so that I can give the reader to skip it out if they don't want/feel like reading smut. I spent 7 hours on this and haven't checked for mistakes but yea. I am enjoying it so.. Ch 3: Broken (…) ‘’ Well, if you don’t want me to pick you up from home, come to the street from a week ago, alright?. See you then. ‘’ His first client hung up after that. Without putting down the phone , Izaya clutched his chest and breathed hard.He covered his mouth with his hand to avoid any agony breaking away into his sister’s ears. Mairu is a light sleeper.Tears filled his vision and he squeezed his eyes shut. His name is Li. In his middle thirties, Chinese. A top guy in Chinese-Japanese mafia.Information seeped into his brain mercilessly. You’re going to meet him Wednesday night. Tomorrow is Tuesday. So you have one day to prepare yourself.His whole body shook with terror. He was afraid and completely lost. You can’t mess anything up. He stopped.  And everything stopped with him. Space, time, place…these were uneeded. He just had to look into his brain to find relief, and a way out. He opened his eyes. I can’t mess anything up. I am NOT going back to that house, so I will NOT mess anything up. He then spent the entire Tuesday making himself hairless.   Ch 3.1 : Li Izaya pulled the zipper of  his ruby red backpack. He had everything he may need; an extra pair of underwear, condoms in different sizes, a will to live… I can’t—will not mess anything up. And so, he carefully closed the door and started walking towards the harlotry street of Ikebukuro. With every step, his presence became more and more alarmed. At some point, poorly painted walls were getting at him and the darkness of the street, of the road he was about to walk was choking him. He arrived his destination ten minutes earlier because after a while he started running. The familiar yellow of the streetlight was a home for couple of fireflies and butterflies that appear in the night. Thanks to all that running, Izaya was out of breath as he crouched down under the streetlight. Using the back of his hand, he wiped out the tears and sweat that has piled up on his face. Then he started waiting. -- Approximately ten minutes later, that same expensive car from a week ago pulled up beside him. Seeing it coming, now relatively calm Izaya stood up and smiled shyly. Doing so, his teeth were clenched, his body was heavy like a stone but he wasn’t aware any of it. He fiddled with the zip of his jacket while the car’s glasses moved down and Li , with his showy indigo blue suit, gestured towards the passenger side of the car and said; ‘’ Hop in.’’   Ch 3.2 : Butterflies that appear in the night They stopped in front of an hotel that just wasn’t a regular 24hrs open love hotel . The building itself, with its splendid architecture, made Izaya go wide-eyed. He realised how oblivious he has been towards this side of Ikebukuro. With shining eyes, Izaya silently followed Li until they entered a king room, and Izaya was mesmerised. The room’s interior theme was gold and mahogany. It was spacious and glowing. There were pearls carved into the columns of the king-sized bed… Izaya gulped a few times and took some non-oriented steps into the room until Li’s hand met with his. ‘’ Please sit there ‘’ Li gestured the king-sized bed with his free hand. Izaya obeyed without hesitation and with his heart at his mouth, he sat down onto the rose-gold bedding like a lifeless doll. Li then walked across the room and began to prepare a drink for two. Izaya carefully put down his backpack onto the side of the bed and stretched his other hand out in the bedding like he was a blindman looking for light. It then occured to him that he couldn’t mess anything up and then the realisation of his situation dawned on him like a scene from an horror movie. He knew what was going to happen, and he knew what Li wanted. But foreseeing it wasn’t going to erase the fact that he never actually did it. A mixture of fear and despair settled into his being. He was brought back to this world only when Li came towards him and held out a yellow wine glass and a white pill. Izaya took them both but his hesitation was obvious. What was this drug? Li put his hand on young boy’s cheek and lifted his chin up. He examined the boy’s features thoroughly; his lips were so plump to the point where he could shook an esthetician. His cheekbones looked like they were carved out by Michelangelo and his un-Japanese like skin colour was making this sculptural creature look more and more heavenly. But his eyes.. In his thirty-six year old lifetime, Li hasn’t seen anything like it. The boy’s eyes had the colour of cognac,  colour of the darkest sins and colour of fear. Of devil, even. ‘’ Which heaven were you exiled from? ‘’Li whispered in Chinese. Then he turned away to end this witchcraft and to pull himself out of Izaya’s ravishing eyes. After taking a sip of his own drink, Li managed to pull his Japanese together; ‘’ The pill will relax you, you’re too tense. It’s nothing harmful. ‘’ He examined me like I was a piece of art.Izaya was baffled a bit, then he thought; ‘’ Go ride or go home ‘’So he swallowed the pill with a sip of expensive white wine. ***** Broken ***** Chapter Notes Well , unlike planned I cut the story again and the actual smut part begins in Ch 4.1: Purification Ceremony down below. This chapter has 3 pieces. I suggest you reading the smut part too because that is where my talent *ahaha* shows itself. I will proof read this sometime today. I now need some time to decide where I will go from this chapter. I know what will happen but you know 'how' will it happen. Yea enjoy. Notes : 3000000 yen = 2802 U.S dollars. Ch 4 : Butterflies that appear in the night pt.2 A smile of approval spread across Li’s face as Izaya swallowed the pill. He muttered a ‘’good boy’’  with a voice that he thought only he could hear but Izaya heard it too. Complex emotions were written on boy’s face and Li wasn’t fast enough to solve them all as they appeared and went into abyss with an metaphysical speed. So instead Li refreshed his drink, then faced Izaya and said; ‘’ Now let’s start’’. After that he put the polite language aside and straight out ordered: ‘’ Take of your clothes.’’ But still he was careful of not intimidating this fallen creature. So he kept his tone far from angry. On Li’s order, Izaya put his half-finished drink onto the drawer next to bed and started stripping obediently. First, his jacket came off, then his green long-sleeve top. Izaya took his time both for the sake of  seduction and for his sanity. He felt Li’s eyes on him. Following him, on his every move, every glimpse, every breath. When the last piece of clothing he had on was thrown beside his lazily lying backpack, Izaya’s milky skin was revealed infinitely. Now he was this astral creature in front of Li’s eyes. He was the god of sun. But—.   Then he saw them, he saw the aftermark of every punishment Izaya had to endure until he left home. He saw through his past, he saw how he fell down from the heaven. He saw his scars. On his chest, faint pink streams were pouring down into his heart. How ? Who would lay a belt on this boy’s skin. Who would dare! Li put his glass down and walked slowly towards Izaya. No, his eyes weren’t lying; there were defamotry  scars on the boy’s chest and back. Li brushed Izaya’s cheek with his thumb and waited. Izaya understood and faintheartedly entwined their hands together and looked up to meet Li’s eyes. Then the words poured themselves; ‘’ My father…did them. ’’   Ch 4.1: Purification Ceremony   ‘’ I see. ‘’ Li’s voice was devoid of any emotion as he bent down and pressed their lips together. He kissed and toyed with Izaya’s lips till they were wet. ‘’ It’s not a problem’’ Li said and pulled the first drawer next to them and took out a piece of rope. Fear, desire and the intoxicating smell of white wine filled the room. There was something climbing upwards Izaya’s throat. He just couldn’t name it yet. ‘’ Sit on your knees ‘’ Li ordered and Izaya did so.With his skillful hands , Li first made a knot around Izaya’s throat then tied his hands from his back – making an oblong shape -  with the rest of the rope. Then his left hand traveled on Izaya’s thighs while he nibbled on boy's swan-like neck. He lightly brushed the other’s manhood. Izaya’s world started to spin, he gulped dryly and his eyes desperately searched for something to hold on to. Then he felt Li’s warm breath near his ears; ‘’ How does it feel? ‘’ Li asked quietly. At that second, Izaya struggled so much for words, he blinked a few times while trying to keep a steady breathing. He heard the sounds of Li stripping down behind his tied back;  ‘’ I…I don’t—.’’ His upper lip trembled. He tried to adjust to this new sensation. Everything felt hazy. Li stopped right in front of him. Izaya clearly saw the tattoos on Li’s torso. He tried to keep an eye contact when Li took his head between his steady hands and admired  his work. His heart could rip itself out of his chest. He was scared. Li brushed away the few locks of hair that were covering Izaya’s left eye. ‘’ ..It’s just the effect of the drug. ‘’ He said and trapped their lips together. Then he spoke in Chinese as he rested Izaya’s head onto the rose-gold pillow and made him raise his bottom up in the air. A tear strayed around Izaya’s face and made it’s way onto the satin pillow. Is he praying ? He wondered to himself.As his perception of the world deteriorated without mercy, Li’s words were incompherensible to Izaya. He felt the cooling liquid make it’s way down; starting from his oblique bone to his open rear and onto the sheets.  Izaya was lost in the sound of his own breathing, as Li carefully placed his slicked finger in and began stretching him. He needlessly panicked and felt his neck hurting as Li put his second finger in. Tears started to pour like an abandoned stream when the third finger was thrusted in. No, It wasn’t because it hurt, it really didn’t. Li was gentle, and nothing hurt. He just wasn’t familiar with the feeling. He didn’t know what to feel when nothing hurt him. Oh he was so lost. Illusory images of butterflies under the yellow streetlight, the candle, the hand.. Izaya felt a hand brushing away his spilling tears; ‘’ I will be gentle. ‘’ Images flitted around.A caress to the top of his brow bone. Izaya gasped and held his whimper in his throat when Li started put his arousal in. Guttural sounds were heard from both. Izaya slowly bit his lower lip as Li forced the pace while still being careful; ‘’ Does it feel good? ‘’ Li asked. Izaya tasted a salty tear on the top of his lip. I should.. I can’t mess this up.His subconscious took over the control; ‘’Yes’’. He let his whimper out. Li’s face tensed with pleasure as he started to ride him. ‘’ Yes ‘’ Izaya exhaled again, breathing harshly with every stroke. ‘’ Thank you ‘’ Izaya moaned, his whispery voice intoned with Li’s guttural one. Li almost lost their paces on that ‘thank you’. He shuddered with ecstasy. He chained the fallen creature to the earth forever..   Ch 4.2 : Losing a piece of you   When the storm passed, Li quickly untied Izaya, who was on the verge of fainting any second now, and gently laid him down onto the silky sheets. Then he covered his exposed body and whispered into his ear while drying the endless tears on boy’s face; ‘’ You were good, beautiful..’’ Then let him sleep. After that , Li quickly showered and dressed. Before he left the hotel room, he left 3000000 yen on the drawer next to bed.   ===============================================================================   Izaya woke up at 6 in the morning. Disheveled from soul to hair, he cursed after seeing the clock. His sisters will be up in any second. On his way to the hotel’s luxurious bathroom, he stumbled and almost fell. Another curse. He threw up the remainings of last night with pain all over his body. Then got into the shower.   ===============================================================================     He looked at his reflection on the bathroom mirror with disgust. But then his angry and stiff expression changed abruptly; he started sobbing pathetically with both his hands wrapped around his face. He felt hideous. Hideous , disgusting , revolting , awful ,broken.   Something inside him was broken that day. And he never knew what it was, Until heshowed him. His sun in the cloudy air. Heiwajima Shizuo.     ***** Blood Red ***** Chapter Notes Yo It's your girl Shannyn. So about this chapter I have to say It's kind of dull in the first part but it gets better. The next chapter will bring some action and maybe introduce our bad character.   Notes; Kanji : Essential Japanese alphabet. Kazuki Tomokawa : He is an amazing singer and I suggest you to listen to 'Pistol' and ' Circus'. I don't own his lyrics but I used them in this story as you can see down below. Shibari : A bondage play but more artistic I guess ? Check it out. Obi : The belt on Kimono   Ch 5 : After  Izaya had silent couple of days after that day. Thursday morning before returning home, he shopped from the convenience store across the street with the money he earned rather indecently the night before. He prepeared his sisters a nice breakfast, then watched the morning-hour-animes with them. In the afternoon he taught them some pre-school kanji’s since they weren’t going to school and he himself studied Physics with his old textbook. The next day was the same except they went out and ate ice-cream. Izaya acted like a couple-hundred-years old sycamore tree in front of his sisters; Mighty and sophisticated. And his sisters also saw him as this brave and undefeatable hero even after they began to understand what was happening to him.   But the nights…nights were hard. When everything became silent, his brain filled itself with gratuitous thoughts. He often treated them like chess pieces; he played with them until they were content. Or sometimes he would listen to music. He often found relief in the lyrics Kazuki Tomokawa screamed like he gave no importence to the world;   ‘’ Loneliness, kindness and suffering, The painful melodrama of this world… It’s not like It’s a slaughter house. Hippies, street kids , beggar kids, Dabbling in the ecstasy of grief It’s not like you’re a cripple…’’   Shah has fallen down. He had no other choice. He accepted the fact just like he accepted Li’s invitation for a second time. He had no other choice.Not at this point.   The sea of melancholy swallowed him as he dove into unconsciousness.   Ch 5.1 : The Red Dragon ‘’ I will be organising a gathering for the bosses around Ikebukuro area in a couple of days. What I want to ask from you is… Would you be willing to perform as a Shibari performer for the.. you know entertainment part of the night? I am ready to pay for your services generously, Izaya. ‘’ Without cutting the eye-contact with his hirer, Izaya blinked few times while gathering the data in. He smiled lightly and spoke in a soft tone; ‘’ I-um.. actually would feel less pressured to answer, if you could untie me, Li-san ‘’ Lovability danced around his features while saying these. ‘’ Oh, right. My fault. ‘’ Li quickly untied the red ropes around Izaya’s delicate wrists. ‘’ It’s nothing. ‘’ Now freed from his restraints, Izaya rubbed his sore wrists and sat up on the bed.  He ignored his nakedness and the vicious wetness between his legs. Before meeting with the other’s eyes that were glancing at him with expectancy, Izaya shot a few nervous looks around him; ‘’Could you give me some detail on your offer Li-san ? ‘’  Izaya always smiled graciously when talking to Li. ‘’ Yes, of course ‘’   Ch 5.2 : Musk In the end, he accepted the job. How was he even suppose to turn down a Yakuza boss anyway? Two days later he was in a kimono that was flame red and had gold embroiders that stood infinitely opulent on it.  The ‘obi’ of the clothing was untraditionally thin and made the kimono look more epicene. It wasn’t heavy and hung gratuitously on Izaya like it was made of air. Izaya slowly walked down the never ending halls of the underground… He was either a lifeless doll or a mere soul.   He still keeps the kimono in his wardrobe.   Entering, first he felt the heavily and heavenly power that filled the wide room. Then watched as the smell of musk and incense became one in harmony with the smell of cigarettes and cigars. Black and red interior of the room, and the ancient soul of celestial music… There were eleven people in that room. Eight of them being the ‘bosses’ and the rest were young prostitutes that dressed up like Geishas. Some of the bosses in the room weren’t even into boys, some of them liked both sides..But all of them were mesmerized with Izaya’s presence that day. The Shibari master also was perfection in human form. Everything went smoothly for Izaya and bosses were pleased. After one and a half hour, the left side of the top of Izaya's kimono was slightly hanging downwards; making an humble amount of his skin showing. But Izaya didn’t seem to mind it and left it as it is as he saluted his exclusive crowd appropriately. His white teeth stood out perfectly when he smiled and saw the amazed look on Li’s face. He was exhausted and his bones ached.   But he was paid well; just like Li promised. ***** Fear ***** Chapter Notes Yoroshiku ne? : Nice to meet you. *in casual form* So this chapter was supposed to be up in Tuesday but when I saw that comment asking me to not to drop this story off, I was motivated to write it now. I haven't proof read it yet. I had an exam that left my brain burning so I will proof-read it later. Couple of days ago I read some of the William S. Burroughs's work and I was fascinated. So you will see some changes and maybe improvements in my writing but I am not sure. I would like to hear feedback though. Ch 6 : Circles                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Do you happen to know, dear reader, about certain products that were advertised with seizure-inducing pink and purple lights on TV? -Mostly in 80’s-. Those things were usually just gimmicks, but with all that polishing  and colour, they looked fakely thrilling. Izaya felt like one of them. After his little ‘act’ that night, Izaya got new ‘bids’ and offers from various Chinese topguys. They demanded sex, lust, and mostly one-hour-of-self-denial. Izaya could write any amount of money on his invisible price tag; they were always willing to pay it. Why was this interest? Besides them being just a bunch of pedophiles of course. Izaya couldn’t give any reason, he felt useless his whole life, but he once understood the reason for it; it was because his father actually screamed the word in his ears countless of times. But now he wasn’t made to feel useless, he just felt it, deep in his damaged heart, and mostly at nights. Was the interest was there because he looked effeminate? That high-as-a-kite guy told him that he ‘’looked like a woman’’, about a month ago. A month ago… and at least fifteen nights were spent in agony and sin after his first encounter with Li. But after the gathering, Li never called again. Izaya knew he was impressed that night, he knew because the amount of zeros on his ‘paycheck’ was quite unbelievable. But...why?   That’s why he felt like a cheap product from 80’s commercials.   He was looking for something. Something that could relieve the tightness of his chest when he cleaned himself off from the nights of shame; something, an explanation, maybe a meaning. Something. He picked up smoking, but after a week he listened to his sister’s complaints about the smell and stopped. One night, when everything was silent and when he was in his own bed, wetting his pillow with soulful tears, he begged; ‘’ Oh god… I.. don’t even know if you’re there, hell, I don’t even know if you exist but just.. I can’t.. I can’t. Help me , please ‘’   Help me.     =============================================================================== Ch 6.1 : Something It was yet another night of disgrace; Izaya walked. He walked past the fancy cars and neon lights, ignored the catcallings of the transvestites and refused to look back and yell when a random guy touched his backside. He ignored his wheezing breath and exhausted legs. He blinked away his blurry sight and clutched his backpack tightly. He walked. It was a long road and it was a stupid idea to walk home instead of calling a taxi –regardless of how expensive they are- . He was weary, and even though he took his time in shower, he still felt unclean. He felt the filth running on his skin and cutting his soul, making him unable to sleep for the past couple of days. He wasn’t eating properly, yet he emptied his stomach every chance he got; without showing a sign of distress to his sisters of course. He laughed and joked around them; he was the hero, he was the sycamore tree. And the nights were spent playing ‘’the metaphysical chess’’ against his brain, but nowadays he wasn’t granting his most beloved organ with answers, rather, he was just playing/fighting hopelessly while waiting for mother sleep to pick him up in her arms. He was tired and lost. He didn’t mess anything up, though. Oh…   Fireflies and butterflies were playing carelessly under the light of a familiar streetlight. Izaya was gasping and shaking all over when he stopped under it. He sat down then looked up to see the painful canvas of the starry night and the yellow butterflies. A single tear slowly walked down to his chin as he was reminded of the harsh wind of Ikebukuro. The wind made him feel how dry his lips were, how much his lungs hurt, also it okayed Izaya; ‘’ Come on, you can feel alive for a bit. ‘’ He acceptingly shook his head to it,feeling like a crazy person. And even smiled a little.   ‘’ Honey, isn’t it a little early for you to be going crazy? ‘’ Izaya knew this voice. It lacked the unnerving slurring though. Without standing up, Izaya calmly looked his left side to see the high-as-a- kite guy from a month ago. Now that the guy was less dirty and less high, Izaya also saw how nice his features were; the guy was handsomely-beautiful but not like Izaya who is straight up womanish. Izaya struggled to take his red eyes off of the other’s piercing blue eyes as the man sat down on the sidewalk;   -‘’ My name is Haruki. Yoroshiku ne? ‘’ Haruki sympathetically shook Izaya’s hand and Izaya just went along with it;   -‘’ Izaya. ‘’   -‘’ I see, Izaya. Interesting name. Beautiful though. So what are you doing on a cold pavement, cooling down your prostate or something ? ‘’   On the man’s inaproppriate and ill-timed joke, a tittering laugh escaped from Izaya’s lips. Forcing an exhausted eye contact, Izaya asked with a voice that was just as tired as his look;   -‘’ What do you want, Haruki? I am tired as you can see..’’   -‘’Girl, one must be blind not the see it’’   -‘’ So..?’' Without answering, Haruki started searching for something in his dark-brown leather jacket, and Izaya questioned whether or not Haruki’s dark blond hair –that was quite long and was tied as a ponytail-  was natural. After deciding it was indeed natural, he tried to find out the man’s real nationality. Japanese-Russian?, Japanese-German maybe?. Fuck.. even thinking is hard today.Then he turned his attention to the little box of yellow and white pills that came out of Haruki’s pocket;   -‘’ What are those? ‘’   -‘’ Sleeping pills and some uppers. I think..’’   -‘’ You’re not sure? ‘’   -‘’ Well the yellow one is to sleep I know that. ‘’   -‘’ I see.. So what? ‘’   -‘’ I can give you this whole bottle free, if you help me with a delivery tonight at Adezakura Club ‘’   -‘’ Why me? ‘’   -‘’ The guy I work with got busted yesterday and you’re kind of cute ‘’   -‘’ Cut the crap. Will I be safe? ‘’   -‘’ My god you have a harsh mouth..No one knows you around so you will be fine. ‘’   -‘’ I see.. Okay.. fill me in then.’’   Satisfied, Haruki smiled and started giving details to Izaya; -‘’ It’s pretty easy actually. I will give you the packet and signal you the receiver when we’re in. Then we will seperate and I will deliver my packet too. You will not get any money so don’t be surprised. Then we will have a few drinks. After that we will leave seperately and I will give you the bottle in the first corner. ‘’ -‘’ Everything is quite fine but how will I get into the club in the first place ? I am barely seventeen you know. ‘’ Both of them were standing now. - ‘’ Oh just leave that to me ‘’   They walked for thirty minutes before reaching to the Adezakura Club. Izaya silently watched as Haruki sneaked a couple thousand yen into the hands of musclar bodyguards. They went into the club without a problem and Izaya was suprised to hear his heart beating in his ears despite the fact that the club mix was booming.  He was now awake, every sense of him was in attention and he had an almost malevolent look in his eyes. Do the job and get out. Do the job and get out. Do the job and get out..That look was a sign of his brain working in full capacity and symbole of his heart getting locked out. Izaya followed Haruki’s sign and slowly, almost ghostly made his way beside the receiver. There were a lot of people under the pink neon lights and a constant action of jumping, dancing , grinning was going on so Izaya was sure no one would see him giving a tightly wrapped packed to the guy with an obnoxious way of chewing gum. Do the job and get out. He did the job, sipped on a beer then got out. He did the job, sipped on a beer, got out and met with Haruki who was now obviously high. He sheepishly smiled while giving the promised bottle to Izaya; -‘’ You were really good. There you go. ‘’ -‘’ I know I am. Thanks.’’ Izaya took the bottle. Izaya searched for something and he found something. Just because you find something that doesn’t mean it will be something good. But it was something.   Ch 6.2 : Instinct 2 weeks later.. -Ring-… -Ring-… Every cell of him screamed ‘danger’ as the phone kept on ringing. No it wasn’t because no one called him before, almost every Chinese topguy somehow had his phone number and they contacted him through it. The problem was, the phone wasn’t his phone,it was the house phone that was ringing. No one knew where they were living, and no one knew his house-phone number. No one should. No- one-can. Was it father?.No.. Izaya closed the kitchen door before sitting on the chair so that his sisters –who were in the living room- weren’t intrigued by the noise. He breathed and tried to calm himself. Maybe it’s just a wrong number. If so it will stop.No. It kept ringing and Izaya’s pupils grew larger with fear. What was this? So he answered;  -‘’ Y..Yes ? ‘’  -‘’ I am I talking with Orihara Izaya? ‘’ He doesn’t have an accent, he is not Chinese.  -‘’ Who I am I talking to? ‘’ Izaya wasn’t aware of how his nails were stabbing the wooden table.  -‘’ You are talking to yet another one of your customers and I have to say, I have heard very intriguing things about you.’’A deep male voice. Is he grinning when talking?   That ‘malevolent’ look made it’s way onto Izaya’s face. He felt the anger and his nails.  -‘’ What are you talking about? No one is my customer unless I accept their offer ‘’  -‘’ Well..Let’s look at this way; How do you think I got your number? ‘’  -‘’ I don’t know. So what? ‘’  -‘’ So what? I see..’’   -‘’ How are your sisters Izaya? ‘’   Everything went pitch-black. ***** The Animal ***** Chapter Notes Yo It's your girl; Tired AF Shannyn. My goath this chapter took so long. You may realise while reading this that my spirits were down in some parts. There was a lot of philosophy in this chapter, and my insp. about Nietzche part came from Bertrand Russel's book; History Of Western Philosophy *book 3* and I'd would like to cite that. Onii san : In japanese ; brother Divan : A luxurious couch that Ottoman's used to use. Now we have modern vers. in the West. Check it out. I listened to the soundtrack of the anime Death Parade while writing this. But my insp. mainly came from Tash Sultana's Jungle and Notion songs. My writing is better when you read it with music. *:')* I will proof read this chapter in the next six hours .u The next chapter? I will plan it tomorrow. btw- there is smut in the chapter 7.2 but it's like the best part so I suggest you to read it :D Ch 7 : Thus Spoke Zarathustra   (…) -‘’ How are your sisters Izaya? ‘’ How? -‘’ How ?...’’  Izaya’s brain instantly shut itself down in that wicked second. And dear reader, when your brain is shut, you hold on to your most primitive sensation;  your survival instinct. Why? After that phone call, Izaya became intensely involved with that said instinct. It followed him in his every step, every decision; it chased him in his dreams and made his life a living hell. Everthing burned. Everything is burning, his lungs are burning, his hands are burning. Oh dear demiurge… let him breathe! Izaya swallowed the acidic fluid in his mouth with great difficulty as the other’s deeply alarming voice filled his ears;    - ‘’Now, tell me, do you think it is reasonable to speak with that bold tone of yours towards someone who has the information about everything you wanted to hide? ‘’  At that moment, Izaya really wanted to crawl out of his skin and be gone forever. He slowly brought his palm on his forehead, hunched his back even more, and watched as the clear white liquid clumped together and formed little circular shapes on the wooden table. On the boy’s ongoing silence, that plaguesome voice thundered;    - ‘’ Speak! Izaya. Is it? ‘’ Oh just how many memories did that imperative brought;   Speak, Izaya. Answer me you useless fuck. Answer me! -Indescribable sounds of a child, and silent sobs- Speak you filthy sissy. You slut, LOUDER! ‘’ Please…stop ‘’   Then his brain started working again. Izaya blinked and wiped away the tears on his lips with the back of his hand. Now, consider your situation… How are your sisters? How are your sisters? The loud anime music that was coming from the living room made everything feel like an Albert Camus story; Everything was absurd and life was merely life.Let the clowns have a laugh. Izaya’s voice was shaking as he answered;    -   ‘’N..No, It isn’t.’’ He then released his deadly grip on the table with shaky motions. With tingling fingers, he touched his knee; he rubbed it few times like he wanted to warm himself up. Subsequently, he glanced over into the kitchen and convinced himself that the time hasn’t stopped around him. The voice on the other line however, was disspasionate and calm;      -‘’ Yes. Now…I will offer you a job, and you will kindly come to the place I want you to come—   Looking up,  Izaya saw a yellow butterfly outside the window. Wait what?       - ‘’ –- I will message you the adress and the date. ‘’ Then before hanging up, his captor said three words. Those three words were going to haunt Izaya mercilessly throughout his life. No. Those three words made Izaya the man he is today ;        -‘’ Remember, …information is power. ‘’   Then his captor hung up.   ===============================================================================   It was quite tiny; you know, their kitchen. The lavender walls were naked except for a little beige wall- clock that has stopped working presumably a long time ago. Izaya never bothered to buy a battery to make it work again. Why? Because he hated the sound of the unstoppable ‘’tick-tock’’. Tick-tock, tick-tock , tick-tock , tick-tock , tick-tock, tick-tock isn’t it insufferable? But he heard it. It wasn’t coming from the wall clock though. It came grungy and deep and it echoed painfully within his brain. Tick-tock.Without putting down the phone, Izaya slowly clenched his hands in his hair. He sat there with his head between his legs and forced himself to stay silent when a dredful scream tried to make it’s way out. He rocked back and forth.Tick-back, tock- forth, tick-back, tock-forth, tick— Where is the butterfly? Oh god…where is the butterfly? The noontide sun shined into his tears and made him squint his eyes rapidly when he looked up to the window.    - ‘’ Onii-san, onii-san’’ It took him some time to realise that those tick-tocks were actually the sound of his hyperventilating-crying. It also took him some time to answer his sisters whom were calling for him.    - ‘’Y—‘’ Clear your throat first.‘’ Yes ? ‘’ He answered with an awkwardly broken voice. It was a mistake to jump out of the chair all of a sudden and Izaya clumsily tried to find his balance by grabbing onto the handle of the refrigerator. The world spun around him and he needed to close his eyes. But his ears were focused to Mairu’s cheery voice;      - ‘’ Can we eat from those blueberry cupcakes that we bought yesterday? ‘’ Blueberry cupcakes. Yes.    - ‘’ Yes ‘’ Izaya said and grabbed two cupcakes from the refrigerator. He also sweared quietly when the light of the machine burned his tired eyes. He went into the living room where both his sisters ran towards him joyfully. Being the sycamore tree that he is, Izaya smiled normally and handed them the cupcakes. Mairu and Kururi took their cupcakes gratefully but instead of just turning around to continue watching anime, their inquiring  eyes sticked to their brother’s red and puffy ones. First move was from Mairu –as always- ;    - ‘’ Ne- onii-san, why are your eyes are puffy, did you cried?’’    -‘’ No…, I accidentally touched my eyes with dish soap while doing the dishes’’ Woah, quite a lie with it’s tails. But the seven year old bought it nevertheless..    -‘’ Stupid onii-san ‘’ She laughed and turned around to make her way to the TV. Now Kururi was the silent one and observed the scene without saying anything. After her twin sister walked away, she stepped aside and simply hugged her brother’s leg. Then she mumbled something like ‘’ you’re lying’’ but her voice was too low. Izaya literally bit his lip not to break down crying. Then he lowered his head and put his right hand onto Kururi’s head;    -‘’ You do understand don’t you Kururi? ‘’ Kururi nodded as a ‘yes’. But no, they didn’t understand of course. They were just too little.      -‘’ Go eat your cake. Come on. ‘’     Ch 7.1:  The Lion’s Cage   Izaya furrowed his brows when he saw the message; ‘’Saturday night at 22:00; Come to this address…’’ Today was Thursday. So he had two days. To do what? To hand himself over to the man who was a threat to the life he was trying to build for himself and his sisters? To run deliberately into the cage of the lion, only to be eaten? Will there be bones of him left when he was finished? Well… ===============================================================================     -2 Days Later, SATURDAY: 21:30-   Yes. He was going to face the lion. He had no other choice. I have no choice. With an angry expression on his face, Izaya looked at his dull silhouette on the mirror for a long time. Go there, let him have you, and get out.But beyond that angry expression, that mantra was repeating itself in his brain:Go there, let him have you, and get out. Also, the focus was on the ‘get out’ part. He was inconceivably scared. He was scared because he had no information. Information…that word tasted so bitter on his tongue. It burned him inside-out. That word was a declaration of weakness. Of his weakness to be clear. Before grabbing his coat and walking towards the door; Izaya stared vacantly at his hands for a while. He had no information, and he had no one. His expression relaxed; Yes that was it. How sad that he only had his nails to dig himself a livelihood.Izaya closed the door silently and walked outside to meet with his waiting taxi. He just didn’t know how much pain he was going to go through because of that man. ===============================================================================     He stepped out from the taxi when it stopped in front of an impressive mansion. Without showing any signs of hesitation, Izaya opened the garden door then walked up to the front door then rang the bell and waited. A tall and athletically built man greeted him. Izaya had to look up a little to meet with the other’s ice-blue eyes. Also his hair was jet black and had gray hair in it; they all made a scary contrast on his face. His eyes were just slightly hooded but it was somehow obvious that the man was half Japanese. Before taking his frightening eyes off of Izaya, the man spoke in a modulated tone;    -‘’ Izaya right? Come in ‘’ He stepped aside and gestured inside the house. They entered into the room and Izaya instantly felt the heat of the burning fireplace. He also sensed the man’s heavy perfume when he swiftly took Izaya’s jacket from his shoulders. When the other went to hang Izaya’s coat, Izaya sat on the scarlet red divan that was placed in front of the obsidian-black fireplace. The room was dimly lit. Izaya turned his head when he heard the other speaking;      -‘’ First things first, I would like to say that I am deeply sorry for using your little sisters to get you here ‘’ While saying these, he prepeared drinks from the bar-like counter in the corner of the room. Sharp sounds of the glass and silverware filled the room, Izaya also heard a soft music coming from somewhere… Then his attention slided to the man’s obviously tailored midnight- blue three-piece suit. His back was turned to Izaya so Izaya clearly observed him; the muscles on his back stood out with every move of his arms, he must be working out;      -‘’ So you’re not going to use them anymore ? ‘’ Izaya asked with a normal tone but without using the formal language. The man answered while walking to Izaya and handing him over a glass of wine;      -‘’ Well..You’re here now so no..’’ But I can use them later. Izaya took the glass and slowly brought it to his lips; in order to restrain himself from cursing to the man. Izaya tried not to look into his eyes when he sat beside Izaya and said;      -‘’ By the way, my name is Alexei ‘’ So he is Russian-Japanese. Or maybe Bulgarian..Slavic nevertheless..      -‘’ What do you want from me, Alexei?’’The stress on the name did not fit with Izaya’s accent.        -‘’ I simply want the same thing that the Chinese wanted from you. ‘’        -‘’ Why blackmail then? Also, how do you know about ‘the Chinese’ ? ‘’ Izaya put his glass down onto the glass table.   Alexei fixed his eyes onto the burning wood of the fireplace;     -‘’ Well..you could say that it is my job to know. ‘’ He then turned his blue orbs to Izaya’s flame red ones and continued. ‘’ I am an informant. I sell people the right information at the right time and place. And the reason of my unusual offer was the deep influence you had on me when I heard about you. I was curious about you.’’ Alexei journeyed into those mesmerizing eyes and porcelain skin. What a toy to be broken. He thought. When Alexei’s continuous stare began to vivisect Izaya’s being, Izaya broke the eye contact and put his hands on his knees. He stared at his hands for a while,Informant, huh.. then slowly looked back at Alexei’s eyes;       -‘’ Are you… going to hurt me? ‘’ Radiating red waves danced on Izaya’s skin, they made him look like he was shaking when asking this. His almost frail voice didn’t help either. But Alexei wasn’t nervous, or scared. He sat there like an ancient god and replied without hesitation;      -‘’ Yes. ‘’   Ch 7.2 : Welcome to the Jungle   The first thing that took Izaya’s attention when he stepped into the spacious bedroom was the amount of books that were on the shelves. Seeing the impressed look on Izaya’s face, Alexei asked;    -‘’ I mostly keep philosophy books in here. Do you read philosophy? ‘’    -‘’ Yes.. sometimes ‘’ Izaya quickly answered while walking towards the second shelf where a valuable collection of the best Japanese literature was on display. Alexei continued the conversation as he took his jacket off and laid it onto the chair of the gold-engraved writing table;    -‘’ Then you must know about Nietzche. I personally find him quite fascinating. He argued that the Christianity’s purpose was to domesticate the heart of the man and he also said that it was a wrong thing to do. He thought that a wild animal had some kind of a ‘splendor’ of the soul, a magnificence perhaps, and when it’s domesticated he.. I mean it, loses that magnificence…If you don’t mind me asking.. do you have a belief in God, Izaya?’’ Without taking his eyes off of the shelves, Izaya replied with a monotonous tone;    -‘’ No…not anymore.’’ Alexei smiled cruelly with carnality in his eyes and walked towards Izaya. He gently put his hands on the boy’s shoulders  and leaned to whisper in his ear;   ‘’ Take off your clothes and lay down.’’ ===============================================================================     Izaya deliberately dropped the elegance and the etiquette while stripping off. He also sent angry looks towards Alexei; who was taking something out from the ebony drawer. When Izaya saw the black leather cuffs and a long piece of silk cloth in Alexei’s hands, that familiar sensation filled his skin; the primal instinct of fear and self-preservation. Everything felt like a war area with Alexei, you had the feel the blood in your nails and you had to scream wildly for triumph. Every cell of Izaya would scream in despair when he was with him. Get out. Take off the cuffs and get out. Take the blindfold off and get out. Get out. Everything would hurt when you were with Alexei; his touch, his words and his mind would work together to wound you. At the moment, Izaya was hating every second of it. He hated the way Alexei forced his legs open and stretched them up.  He hated the way his tongue slowly traveled on his scarred chest, and the way he took Izaya’s neck into his cold and yearning fingers; Izaya’s breath sharpened, he flinched and tried to move his head away from Alexei’s slowly hardening grip on his neck;    -‘’ Calm down. I am not going to kill you ‘’ Alexei whispered in Izaya’s ear as he released his grip and focused on the blue/purple vein on the side of Izaya’s neck. He brushed it a few times then ran his two fingers over it. With his free hand, he took the hair that was under Izaya’s blindfold out;    -‘’ Now.. shall we start? ‘’ It wasn’t a question though, despite the questionmark. Izaya got goosebumps when Alexei poured the cooling lubricant down. Alexei then touched Izaya’s Cupid’s bow;    -‘’ Open your mouth ‘’ He ordered. Izaya’s lips unwantingly parted. With that, Alexei thrusted two fingers in Izaya’s mouth and moved ahead until he reached the other’s gag-reflex. Instinctively, Izaya pulled hard on the cuffs around his wrist and tried to jolt upright; which only made his gag worse. Alexei pushed him back down with his free hand commanded mercilessly;    -‘’ Wet it. Come on use your tongue and wet it.’’ Izaya felt nauseous as tears started to spill with panic. He felt Alexei’s breath on him. The aftertaste of an expensive wine. He tried to turn away, he tried to escape from the palm of the lion. But in the end he obeyed; using his tongue, he did what Alexei wanted from him.    -‘’Good.’’ When the fingers were suddenly taken out, Izaya gasped and swallowed the saliva down. His cheeks reddened and he tried to catch his breath as Alexei put his slicked fingers in and started stretching him. He wasn’t gentle and didn’t hold himself back either when he put his lengthy arousal in. Please stop. It hurts, please..just stop. Izaya wanted to yell these words out but the only thing he could do was to whimper silently like a wounded animal. Was this the splendor of the soul? Of the animal that he was to Alexei. He bit his lip to mute himself. No, he wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. Within his blinfold, Izaya saw a deeper shade of black. And a redder shade of blood.   When Alexei started to ride him with an excruciating speed; Izaya’s guttural sounds were converted into tormented screams of a dying animal; there were stains of blood on the wings of the yellow butterfly. ‘’ Please... please ‘’ Izaya fatuously mourned for himself but then, he wasn’t even himself anymore. ‘’ What ? What did you said? ‘’ Izaya’s every beg, every cry, every shuddering breath made Alexei’s appetite grow even more. He bruised the other’s limbs with painful strikes and enjoyed zest of Izaya’s shivers when he did that. The blood was viscous and kept a tight rein on the yellow butterfly. Alexei slapped Izaya across the face, then grabbed his tear-stained chin harshly. ‘’ Tell me, what do you want? ‘’ He shouted. ‘’ Stop…’’ The yellow butterfly tried to flutter it’s wings. One,two. Then it fell onto it’s side and gave up.   Climax.   Ch 7.3 : Futurity When the weight of the bed changed, Izaya slowly lowered his numb legs. Everything hurt. It was so familiar when it hurt like this. But he was supposed to escape from this. He was going to be free. What happened, Izaya?Izaya still had his restraints and blindfold on so he savagely yelled at Alexei, who was –judging by the sounds- dressing;    -‘’ Untie me ‘’ Izaya tried to ignore the hoarseness in his throat. God damn it, god damn it , god damn it. He wanted to scream and cry his heart out. He felt his blood boiling with anger.   ===============================================================================     Now freed, Izaya crawled on the bed to sit up. He was shaking like a leaf as he spotted a thin red liquid between his legs. He then first, wiped his tears using the back of his freshly scarred wrists, then cleaned his legs roughly using the silk sheets. Everything was in slow motion until Izaya slowly turned his head to look towards Alexei, who was silently studying Izaya like he was a cold-blooded brute.   Alexei saw the pure hatred inside the boy’s flame red orbs. He saw the blood that drowned the butterfly. He saw his own death in Izaya’s eyes. There was the splendor of the soul.   ‘’ Take your charge from the second drawer before going out ‘’  Alexei pointed out the black drawer to Izaya; then leaved the room.   ===============================================================================     When Izaya finally revealed the scars he got from Alexei to Shizuo; Shizuo, that mountain of a man, shed tears like a baby. Izaya never forgave himself for making the sun weep for him… ***** Hey Mr. Tambourine Man ***** Chapter Notes Yoo It's your girl: Feverish Shannyn. So, I have a slight fever and instead of sleeping I wrote this. I haven't -of course- proof read it yet and I have no idea what kind of a chapter this looks like to you guys, so feedback is appreciated, lel. Mood songs for this chapter; Akritas - The Festival (Το Πανηγύρι) Akritas - The Dream August Burns Red - Internal Cannon (Acoustic) The last two may not work while reading the chapter but you can listen after or before reading to you know get the mood. See you in the next chapter ^^ Ch 8 : Lucid   A slow motion scene where an African lion attacks a deer. The deer’s shiny and cinnabar coloured flesh is slit open by the grandiose teeth. The essence of life piles up onto the ground in red colour… Seven coloured lights are shining into Izaya’s eyes as he feels the soft caress of the panicum virgatum; the panicgrass, in his hands. They are everywhere, everywhere. Kaleidoscope-like radiances flitter around his eyes as he looks at the sanguinary scene with a corner of an eye. The wind of the wilderness runs past him. And the fresh air fills his lungs. Then we see him walking away from the scene like a phantom.   Unreachable corner of the bygone days, and the gray clouds. Possibilities of the grand possibility, Are waiting for me.   But only there, are the crumbs of bread, of my lost futurity.   ‘’ Onii-san ‘’…,   I want to know; Will the flower sing for my grave? I am weeping, and suffering, I am alone as I wait for the song of the flower, While preparing, To fall.   Oh god.       -‘’ Onii-san, Onii-san.’’      -‘’ He is not waking up, Mairu. ’’   ‘’ The song of the flower have drowned the sunrise, and you have no idea.’’       -‘’What is he murmuring? Do you understand anything Kururi? Oi- Onii-san wake up ‘’ The seven year old put her tiny hand onto her brother’s shoulder and shook him with all her strength.   ‘’ Midnight has dawned on me, see, the firefly. ‘’       -‘’ Onii-san.’’ The other twin, Kururi, lightly put her hand on his brother’s slightly sweaty hair.   Izaya’s expression softened and he opened his eyes. Unfocused, and lightheaded, he felt a vagrant tear running down to his chin; only to be wiped away by Kururi’s baby hands. Blank words do have meaning in them. Deep down; look deep.He realised the movements of his own lips then; his delirium.      -‘’ Ne-onii-san, you’re talking to yourself’’ ‘’ …the flower, the bird…’’ Wait.He stopped talking. The twins stepped away from their brother to give him space. Izaya realised how tightly his hands were wrapped around himself and on that, he loosened his fingers. That shadowy feeling after a realistic dream. He felt it all over himself as he put his hand on the bed to support himself getting up. Was I…speaking, no… writing poetry? What was that?His movements were painfully slow. The twins looked at each other, confused. When he heard the rustle of the familiar fabric, Izaya noticed that he was still wearing his jacket, and his jeans. In an awkward half-laying position, he turned to look at his sisters whom were quite puzzled. The words came hardly and in a hoarse voice; ‘’ I.. I am fine. Just go to the living room, I’ll prepare you breakfast, right away ‘’ He finally  managed to sit up on the bed on his knees. The twins nodded and left the room quietly. Izaya closed his eyes and breathed. His being was still shaking with the effect of the words he has been murmuring to himself all night long. But they were beautiful.Izaya’s lips curved into a tragic smile as a sob pushed itself out of his mouth. He wiped his tears and continued to smile like a nutcase. How clean they felt. His soul felt purified. What was that? That feeling was beyond language. Wittgenstein once said ‘’The limits of my language mean the limits of my world’’  When uttered; yes. But Izaya ‘felt’ the beyond, he ‘felt’ the inexpressible. It felt like tasting a driblet of honey on one’s bottom lip; you would first smell the honey, then would taste it once you draw your lip between your teeth. It felt like seeing an unbeliavably beautiful-coloured flower on the side of the road while driving in the car. Mesmerized; you would draw closer to the car’s glass to see it again. Izaya took his coat off slowly then walked to the bathroom. On his way, he saw his sisters watching a morning-hour anime. I scared them.He thought. The rest of his clothing were laying carelessly on the bathroom tiles as Izaya examined himself on the old-looking tall mirror. His eyebrows knitted when he saw and ran a hand on the bruises on his right upper-thigh; right below his pubis. Then his fingers traveled onto the ones on his groin. What happened, Izaya? Why the same scene all over?He was going ask himself this over and over again, and the bruises were going to turn into unfadable scars. He was going to get used to the inhumane sound of Alexei’s whip; cracking onto his skin, onto the same spots over and over again, deliberately. A month later, at this same spot, he was going to look at the first cigarette- burn on his arm. At this same spot; he was going to remember the terror;   He waited on the garnet-red silk, on his knees, with a black collar on his neck. He did not make a move when Alexei came into the room and sat beside him with his pitch-black suit and a cigarette hanging between his fingers. Using his ice-blue eyes, Alexei feasted on the breathing object’s skin; his senseless obsession, his mirror; ‘’ How harmonious you are with this room, with this bed. ‘’ With his disengaged hand, Alexei turned Izaya’s face to his and grinned when he saw the fire in Izaya’s eyes. Izaya watched Alexei inhaling the cigarette. He then exhaled it, turning his face away from Izaya. The hand that was resting on Izaya’s chin moved to caress his neck, then his collarbone, until it came onto his wrist. Alexei abruptly took the boy’s skeletal wrist into his tight grasp, making Izaya startle with fear.  Izaya looked up and met with the other’s eyes; There he saw the maidan of war. Something unspeakable was going to happen. When he understood, terror and despair dawned on Izaya’s features. Alexei started to speak with that distasefully modulated voice; he talked so calmly like he wanted to mock Izaya’s horror;      -‘’ I would like to make an experiment. Now, hold my arm that is holding your wrist, you can squeeze it as much as you like.’’ Izaya’s eyes widened with fear but he grabbed Alexei’s arm when Alexei tightened his grip more to move Izaya. Izaya’s lips parted to say ‘’ Please, don’t ‘’ but Izaya knew that it was vain to beg when you were in the grasp of the wraith. Continuous tremors surrounded his skin. With the hand that held the cigarette, Alexei carefully caressed Izaya’s cheek with his thumb;      -‘’Do-not make a sound, alright? Look into my eyes and don’t make a sound.’’ Izaya wasn’t even blinking entirely when he made a frail eye-contact with Alexei. His breath shuddered; steeped tears invaded his vision, no, he was going to scream, he was going to wail. The cigarette came closer to his arm; Run away, run away , run away, run—Izaya needed to beg, needed to escape from the prison of the ice---   Alexei pressed the glowing tip against Izaya’s skin. Izaya didn’t make any sound. He was too afraid to make a sound. He was stilled by those frosty eyes. Every muscle on his body hardened, he choked his scream and did not breathe. His limbs convulsed and his lips trembled; he looked into Alexei’s eyes. Every move of him begged; ‘’ Stop, please stop’’. But he was beyond language. The ice put out the fire, and Izaya made himself silent. After he was finished, Alexei calmly threw out the now died down cigarette, onto the Turkish rug. Izaya didn’t even dared to look at his arm, he released his breath and choked on it. Freeing his wrist, Alexei put Izaya’s head on his shoulder and hugged him tenderly;          -‘’ There is not much to be got anywhere in the world. It is filled with misery and pain; if a man escapes these, boredom lies in wait for him at every corner. Nay more; it is evil which generally has the upper hand, and folly that makes the most noise. Fate is cruel and mankind is pitiable. Schopenhauer said this. You see, Izaya, no one said the life was supposed to be good. Then why are we all running around, trying to be happy? ‘’ Alexei incised the boy’s pain with his whispery recital. Izaya clung onto Alexei’s suit and sobbed. His head was throbbing and he felt dizzy, he would faint if he let him go, he would. He understood.   ===============================================================================   But right now, with his already fading bruises and yet- to -be seen scars; Izaya stood in front of that mirror, he closed his eyes and opened his arms to his both sides. The mountain, the rocks and the abyss in front of him. Yes, he felt the wind in his face. There he stood with his mere existence. Izaya smiled to himself. Let me. Let me fall.   Then he lowered his arms and opened his eyes. Yes, I escaped from that house to run away from pain. To save my sisters from the pain. What happened Izaya? What happened?Izaya looked into his hateful eyes on the mirror. What happened Izaya? What happened?All of a sudden; he burst into a deranged laughter. What happened Izaya? What happened? Nothing. I failed. ===============================================================================     Ch 8.1 : I failed   A week later, Izaya found Haruki, under that god-damned streetlight, eating a piece of toast. Why is he always here?  The other saw Izaya walking towards him and grinned like a Cheshire cat. Izaya sat on the pavement, next to him;     -‘’ How are you always here?’’ Izaya asked.     -‘’ Because my house is near. Honey have you lost weight? Do you want a piece from my toast?’’     -‘’ No thanks. I actually came to ask you… if you have any other job like we did a couple of weeks ago?’’     -‘’ Of course I do. But why? Did you ran out of pills?’’     -‘’ Yes, but I need something..’’     -‘’ Stronger?’’     -‘’ Please don’t complete my sentences it irritates me.’’     -‘’ Soooory honey. But you can always buy them you know. You don’t have to do deliveries’’     -‘’ I am saving up so..’’   Yes, he was saving his money, but also he needed jobs like that to introduce himself to certain circles. He needs to make a name for himself. He needed information. But also, he needed something stronger. Izaya searched for something and he found something. Just because you find something that doesn’t mean it will be something good. But it was something. But now, he needed something stronger. This is how you become an addict.   ===============================================================================     Dear reader, I personally find some things tragically funny. Like the existence itself perhaps? We, as humans, are tragically funny because we exist; and that ultimately makes the existence itself the most tragically funny thing, and I find that tragically funny. In a period of two months, Haruki gave Izaya a couple of jobs in which, Izaya used to get himself that valuable information.As a pair, their chemistry wasn’t the most amazing one; but you could say that Izaya somehow got used to Haruki and his quirks. In a period of two months, Izaya pulled himself down into the pit of downers and uppers; meaning, pills. In a period of two months, Alexei more and more pulled Izaya down into insanity. But before salvation,  a breakdown, an ultimate bottom, and a loss was waiting for Izaya. ===============================================================================     Ch 8.2 : Breaking Point -Two months later– With his hands restrained behind his back, Izaya sat on his knees and waited for Alexei to whip him, fuck him or burn him to the point of fainting. Alexei then would take Izaya into his arms and whisper his poison into Izaya’s hazy and drugged mind. His touch, his mind and his words would work together to play with Izaya. Alexei wanted to see the splendor of the soul; He wanted to see Izaya’s breaking point. Information is quite powerful when used correctly; but truths have made many go insane, Alexei knew that. So he decided to reveal Izaya some truths.     Izaya’s eyes widened with disbelief and shock when he saw the person standing next to Alexei. ***** Silence, Before the Storm.. ***** Chapter Notes Yooo It's your girl; On the verge of a writer's-block Shannyn. So I really 'forced' this chapter out so I don't know.. maybe It's a little dull who knows? Let me know by commenting down below ^^ But I can easily say that this is one-triggering-chapter :O:O:u I will proof-read this tomorrow.   Uragiri no yuuyake : A traecherous sunset -I would like to thank William Burroughs for his amazing descriptions of the effects of drugs. If it weren't for his works, I would step into a muddy water for sure. Ch 9: Uragiri no Yuuyake   With his every swallow, Izaya felt the cold metal ring of the collar around his neck. Placed just in between his collarbones; it irritated him, he wanted to rip it out, he wanted to scratch that place on his neck until it was red and bleeding. But instead, he remained on the navy-blue sheets, on his knees, with a black leather cuff caging his wrists. Izaya waited for Alexei and usually, waiting for him would feel like stepping into a building in flames; every step would enhance the tightness around one’s throat. Or it would feel like drowning slowly in the blue oceans; the clench of the throat, the panic, the pain, the salty water around irises and an aqueous last image of one’s extending hand. But right now was different; ‘’ Tonight, another one of my toys will be joining us, and I am sure you will be interested too, Izaya. ‘’ Five minutes ago, while attaching the collar to Izaya’s neck, Alexei said these. Then before leaving the room he put his cold fingers on that spot on Izaya’s neck and touched it;     -‘’ What do you mean? ‘’Turning his face to Alexei, Izaya asked. But Alexei didn’t say a word and left. ===============================================================================     Couple of minutes later, dark walnut doors of the bedroom opened and Izaya saw the person standing next to Alexei;his dark blond hair, his ponytail, a cranberry-red collar around his neck… Instantly, sparks of anger loomed in front of Izaya’s eyes. His teeth clenched, his submissive hands all of a sudden, were squeezed into fists; he looked right into the eyes of Judas Iskariot; and if the looks were bullets, he would have killed him that second;       -‘’ Haruki…’’ Izaya hissed angrily, ‘’ Oh you fucking traitor, you better fucking explain this, you cunt.’’ He yelled the last part. With a sinister smile on his mouth, Haruki eyed Izaya intimately but stayed silent. The other, boiling with anger, felt the green-purple vein on his neck popping and squeezed his fists harder; he pulled onto the cuffs around his wrists. ‘’ Answer me! ‘’ Clanking sounds resonated in his ears.         -‘’ See, Izaya, I was right when I said you would be interested. ‘’ Alexei delightedly grinned. He then turned to Haruki;       -‘’ I will prepare it. Play with him however you want.’’ Haruki’s eyes sparkled on that, and he put a light kiss on Alexei’s closed lips and said;        -‘’ Can I? Thank you, . ‘’   Izaya really wanted to punch that guy’s now-smiling-cutely face. At the same time, scenarios and possibilities rained into his brain, how? ...why?he watched as Alexei left the room and Haruki came towards him and sat on the bed. The scars on his torso, on his back and the needle scars on his arms were all visible to Izaya;      -‘’ Why…? ‘’ Something sticked into Izaya’s throat and he couldn’t finish his sentence and he also didn’t needed to; because Haruki casually crossed his legs –like he wasn’t naked except for a little-too-little black short and a collar- and dropped the bomb uncaringly;      -‘’ Honey, who do you think first mentioned you, to Alexei?      -‘’ Wh—‘’   Izaya looked like a tasered animal. First, an instantaneous rush of blood arose into his brain, then his tightened muscles slowly released themselves. He understood everything. Izaya closed his eyes and surrendered, this was so hard on him. Scattered pieces of the puzzle merged themselves as Haruki continued to speak;       -‘’ You know, that night when you looked so lost and scared in front of that Chinese guy. Well..I was so high that night so I couldn’t remember you exactly, but then I told bits about you to Alexei, and he found you using his resources..’’ Izaya’s eyebrows knitted and a line appeared between them, but he refused to open his eyes and bit his lower lip; Oh god.. How naive I am.. why don’t you give me a break?Haruki brought his face closer to Izaya’s face and examined the boy’s pained expression; or the silence before the storm..;         -‘’ One night, I followed you home and gave your address to Alexei..’’   Help me. Help me. Haruki’s nasal voice started echoing in Izaya’s brain and he silently cursed to himself. Haruki insistently continued;       -‘’ ..and the delivery jobs, the pills I gave you.. Those were all Alexei’s work. ‘’   Izaya opened his eyes and looked right into Haruki’s blue orbs. Doing that, his expression was stoical and emotionless and his voice was exceptionally firm.. Oceans were calm because oceans were long given up;       -‘’ Look at you Haruki ‘’ Izaya sent a contemptuous look towards Haruki’s scars, burns and bruises that were scattered around his addicted body. ‘’ Why are you taking these, why are you putting up with that man? ‘’   Before Haruki even got a chance to answer, that manintervened into the conversation;       -‘’ Well.. Haruki is putting up with me, because I offer him this.. ‘’ Alexei walked until he was in between them. Then he looked at Izaya.   When Izaya saw the white lines of snow, or C. , lying in four lines onto the fancy tray in Alexei’s hands, his whole being nauseated with the man’s  evilness. Stoic red eyes amalgamated into malicious ice blue ones as Haruki submissively snuggled beside Alexei to snort a line of C. ;        -‘’ You see, Izaya, I never told you I would harm youif you refused me.I only threatened to harm your sisters. Then why are youputting up with me? ‘’     The ocean raged.   ===============================================================================     Without cutting the eye contact, Izaya all of a sudden burst into a maniacal laughter. Clanking sounds of the metal and Izaya’s forced breakdown echoed in the room.  Izaya suffocated in his own shivers and screamed;        -‘’ You are sick, Alexei. You’re sick. ‘’        -‘’ Who isn’t, Izaya?’’   Muscles on Izaya’s abdomen stiffened with pain when he yelled and his laughter inosculated with animalistic wails. Izaya lamented for his sanity;        -‘’ Why I am I putting up with you ha? … What? Should I let you hurt my sisters, you bastard! ‘’ Izaya ran out of oxygen in his lungs from screaming and felt dizzy.   Haruki wiped out the excess powder on his nose. ‘’ I think you broke him, Alexei ‘’ He said nonchalantly. ‘’ He was never in one piece. ‘’ Alexei coldly replied without taking his eyes off of the scene.   Let me. Let me scratch my neck until it bleeds. Let me. Let me fall Let me. ===============================================================================     Izaya’s cries stilled abruptly. He trembled a little, and his knees hurt. A tear was hanging on top of his lip when he stared blankly to his knees for a while. He then lift his head up to look at Alexei; ‘’ Let me have from that ‘’ He pointed the lined- white-dragon with his head and requested with a broken voice. On Izaya’s request, Alexei turned to Haruki and commanded; ‘’ Unlock him ‘’ ===============================================================================     With a key, Haruki stood in front of Izaya. ‘’ Don’t bite me alright? ‘’ He whispered into Izaya’s ear before unlocking the cuffs around his wrists. Hearing that, Izaya grinned wildly and showed his canine teeth to Haruki.   After his wrists were freed, Izaya cleaned his nose with a towel then drew closer to Alexei and took the cylindrical object on the tray. He also murmured something like ‘’ shut the fuck up, I know ‘’ when Haruki told him to ‘take it easy’.  He was desperate.     He smelled it when it entered in; It was pure and cold and It hurt his nose and throat, and then the pure euphoria rushed into his brain and lighted the C. neurotransmitters there. It cracked into his head with white impulses, Izaya smiled to Alexei in a hazy defeat while wiping the trail of blood running down onto his lips, using the back of his hand. Alexei smiled back and gulped with ecstasy when some of the blood diffused and smeared onto Izaya’s right cheek. He saw how his pupils were dilated. The abyss lied in this boys eyes. Izaya opened his arms to his sides and gazed at Alexei and Haruki before beaming joyfully; ‘’ So what? Do you want to fuck me Alexei? Or..or would you like to burn me? Wait wait I know.. I think we should write a philosophy thesis named  ‘’ The philosophical basis of giving someone a blowjob: Using the philosophy of Hegel’’ of course. Because…’’ He continued on rambling nonsense.  He was so high. The manic state of the drug hit him hard; Izaya started giggling impulsively and scratched the area in between his two collarbones harshly. With his every claw to his neck, Izaya felt more and more happy. He heard Alexei and Haruki talking but he also didn’t heard Alexei and Haruki talking. The entire solar system crushed into Izaya’s being.;       -‘’ Ne-Alexei, what do you want me to do with him? ‘’     -‘’ Fuck him until he is senseless’’ Alexei replied with a voice that could cool the Middle-East. Izaya heard the metal sound of the tray when Alexei turned and put it onto the writing table.     -‘’ Aren’t you going to join us? ‘’     -‘’ No. ‘’ Alexei refused Haruki’s offer and sat onto the chair of the writing table and began doing something on his phone.     Ch 9.1 : The Ocean   ‘’ Come on ‘’ Haruki laid Izaya’s over-the-clouds body down onto the sheets and quickly wiped the smear of blood on his face, using the clean part of the towel. He then untied his ponytail and let his hair make a curtain between them and Alexei. He leaned in and kissed Izaya. Then he quietly whispered into Izaya’s ear; ‘’ Please shut up and don’t make him angry. He is.. he is really cruel, Izaya’’ Haruki warned him because he knew from the first hand, how much brutal force Alexei could use when he was angered. Haruki then continued to kiss him to shut his blabbering up. Inside the curtain, Izaya saw the sadness that was inside Haruki’s tired orbs and early lines under his eyes. He saw it, but it took him a long time to recognize it. Izaya let the eagle drown him with his grandiose feathers. After the preparation, Haruki stretched Izaya’s one leg up and took him from the side. Vulnerable moans escaped from Izaya’s lips as he fixated his eyes on his own hand that was grasping the navy-blue sheets. More and more, he tightened his fingers and Haruki penetrated, swallowed, and ravished Izaya’s entity.   At one point his thrusts slowed and Haruki forced Izaya into the ‘on-all-fours’ position. Izaya tried to balance himself with his arms but they were shaking severely and so, Izaya let his head fall onto the satin pillows and ultimately handed himself to Haruki’s experienced hands.   In the final rounds, Izaya unconsciously started clawing onto his neck to make himself silent. Trails of blood poured into the ocean and Izaya dug deeper..   Seeing the blood, Haruki grasped Izaya’s collar and yanked it, to stop Izaya from hurting himself. It worked, and Izaya force-lifted himself up on his arms to breathe properly. Izaya’s sudden cry of pain took the attention of Alexei, he looked up to see Izaya climaxing; he saw the trails of tears and sweat on his face, the blood and the pink-red nail marks on his neck; right below his now forcefully grasped collar, and his shuddering delicate figure; his partially opened lips in order to breathe. And finally, his eyes. For a moment, Alexei thought he saw his long-searched ‘splendor of the soul’ inside Izaya’s orgasming ruby eyes. He always blindfolded Izaya whenever he took him, so he was unusually baffled when he saw Izaya’s pleading eyes that screamed ‘’ Let me. Let me fall.’’   Ch 9.2 : The Mirror   After the storm, Haruki excused himself and took the rest of the K. on his way to the bathroom. Alexei then came closer to Izaya’s deranged and incoherently talking figure and pulled the navy-blue sheets on him to cover his frail body properly. Maybe instincively, Izaya half-opened his eyes but he was far away from being awake and alert. Alexei leaned beside him and caressed the boy’s hair; ‘’ You are not seeing the point, Izaya. It’s right in front of your eyes. But you’re not seeing it.’’   ‘’ Why I am I doing these things to you, Izaya? ‘’   ===============================================================================     Couple of days later, when Izaya was in front of his beloved mirror, taking care of his wounds, his unconscious all of a sudden brought Alexei’s words up onto the surface of his conscious; ‘’You are not seeing the point, Izaya. ‘’ ‘’ It’s right in front of your eyes. ‘’ Izaya looked at his ghostly figure on the mirror. ‘’ Why I am I doing these things to you, Izaya? ‘’     and he understood. ***** Salvation ***** Chapter Notes Aw yis. It's your girl; ''finally a good chapter'' Shannyn. I think this is the longest chapter in this story so far. But I liked it. Still, the proof reading will take forever, that's for sure. *80's commerical music* Aaaaaaand in the next chapter, I will finally *somebody is singing halleluja back there. I hear it* introduce Shizuo. -and Shinra ehehe- The sweet , the bitter, and the gay school chapters are waiting for us aw yis. Abayo : in Japanese; something like ''goodbye '' but it's deeper than goodbye, but not as deep as ''farewell'' *Such good dictionary I have, I know.* один : The number :1 , in Russian. A song for this chapter: The Smiths - Never Had No One Ever See the end of the chapter for more notes Ch 10: Mirror   ‘’ It’s right in front of your eyes’’ Izaya brought a hand onto the scar on his left pelvis. Last pieces of the puzzle started to merge in his brain with atomical lightnings. His breathing quickened.   The bright light bulb of the bathroom started to turn on and off.. His own silhouette in the mirror turned into Alexei’s. Izaya felt something landing on his shoulder, when he looked at it, he saw a yellow butterfly on his right shoulder; It was gleaming, like someone dripped it into neon yellow paint. With wild eyes, Izaya stepped back from the mirror. The butterfly flew away and the bathroom turned into it’s normal lighting when Izaya bumped his back to the sink. With one of his hands gripping the sink, Izaya crouched down and breathed heavily. ‘’ It’s right in front your eyes’’ Izaya’s eyes once again sticked into the mirror. Alexei was gone. Instead, Haruki’s addicted figure was now gazing back at him.   He held his indescribable sounds in, when the realization finally hit him; Izaya remembered Haruki’s scars from that night; The cigarette burns on his arms, Izaya looked at Haruki’s arms in the mirror. The deep whip scars on his left pelvis and torso. Izaya’s eyes followed his brain.The scars on his right upper leg, his shoulder, his…   They both had the same scars at the same exact spots.   The hand gripping the sink dropped lifelessly and joined the other one that was on the white and blue tiles. Some tears dropped in between Izaya’s fisted hands  and they gathered together to form little circular shapes on the tile. ‘’ No..’’ The yellow butterfly came back and landed on top of his tears. ‘’ Why?...Why are you here?’’Izaya sobbed.  The cold tiles bit his bare legs and fists. ‘’ Why is he doing these things? ‘’ Izaya murmured to the butterfly. The butterfly shook off the tears on it’s wings then flew over to the mirror and landed on top of it. Izaya followed it with his eyes;  in the mirror, now, Haruki was gone and Izaya’s skeletal figure was on display. Crouched.. Scared like a conditioned animal..Wait.   The mirror.. I am his mirror.. NO We are his mirror.. Mirror.. He never once let me see him naked…   We are his mirror..   He understood.   Alexei has the same scars… doesn’t he? Izaya weeped with horror.   ===============================================================================     Izaya rapidly got on his feet when his phone vibrated, making a ‘’buzz’’ sound on the sink’s glass part.  He looked at the message on the screen;   ‘’ Come tonight.’’ – Alexei. Izaya grinned at the screen, the phantom of the evil washed itself into his eyes. Yes, Alexei.. I will come.. yes..   He had no reason to hold himself back anymore… He had nothing, And he had no one.   Let the poison drip into my veins; and yours too, Alexei.   Ch 10.1: The deepest deep   Alexei knew something was different. Even if Izaya didn’t say anything while he tied his wrists to the bedposts. Even after he squeezed the ropes harder to get a reaction, - which he was only greeted by the evil lying inside Izaya’s red orbs- Alexei knew something was different. Izaya’s eyes were gleaming with red, with blood-thirst.Insanity. This was familiar to Alexei.  Alexei took Izaya’s chin in his grip and made the boy look at him. The scenery was pleasant.       -‘’ Oh.. I see..’’ Alexei grinned. Izaya returned the same grin back at him.   The trance was broken by the rude ringing of Alexei’s phone.        -‘’ I see..’’ Alexei again breathed on Izaya, then took his ringing phone from the writing table and left the room. He forgot to close the door behind him so Izaya was an ‘ear guest’ to Alexei’s conversation;         -‘’ .. Yes.. I did receive it from them. Yes.. ‘’ Izaya held his breath to hear better, It was the first time he heard Alexei this angry.     -‘’ I don’ t know. I also don’t care. The Red Dragon will go down, and that’s it. That is all I was given..’’   Izaya’s eyes widened. ..What? He released his breath abruptly.   ‘’The Red Dragon will go down..’’ ‘’ The Red Dragon ‘’ was Li’s alias. He was going to go down..   Li was going to be killed.   Izaya had nothing to hold back, really. ===============================================================================       When Alexei came back, Izaya pretended like hadn’t heard anything, and continued the act; Alexei took a long black cloth to use as a blindfold. He then stopped in front of Izaya. Here we go..        -‘’ –Ne Alexei, why are you blindfolding me everytime? ‘’ Izaya was silently baffled at the newfound edge in his own voice. On the boy’s question, Alexei retreated the hand that was preparing to put the blindfold on. He looked at Izaya and answered calmly;      -‘’ Because I prefer it that way.’’      -‘’ Oh.. then it isn’t because you’re hiding your beloved abyss on your chest? ‘’ Izaya really drove himself to the hillside.   On Izaya’s sarcastic remark, Alexei laughed. Now you’re getting interesting, Izaya. Alexei touched Izaya’s bottom lip. ‘’ – Maybe I am.. Would you want to see it then? ‘’ He whispered. Izaya sharpened the edge on his voice. ‘’ – Well, Yes.. If it’s not going to hurt your broken soul of course.’’      -‘’ Careful. You’re on the line, Izaya. You will fall. ‘’ Alexei said, then stepped back and started taking his shirt off.    -‘’ Yes Alexei. Let me.. Let me fall ‘’ and take you with me..Izaya whispered the sentence like it was a prayer.   Alexei took his vest off, then his shirt. He threw them on the floor. and there they were…the cigarette burns on his arms, the tip of a scar on his pelvis hid by his pants.. Everything was the same…except..   Except for two horizontal lines of… burns..? on his torso. Izaya’s brows furrowed, his tied hands were squeezed into fists. What... are those.._? The fireplace.. the poker..   Izaya struggled to get himself off of Alexei’s grip.But the snake glided near him, in front of his eyes, and it whispered;    -’' You see, Izaya, everything was so cold, so cold where I came from…’’ Alexei’s fingers confirmed it, Izaya felt the ice cutting his face when Alexei caressed his cheek. He was so cold, so cold.. ‘’.. and one day, Izaya, my father decided to warm me up..’’ Alexei gripped a handful of Izaya’s hair. ‘’..what do you think about his method, Izaya?’’   Izaya’s whole being churned with disgust. But still, he leaned forward, to Alexei’s eyes, and he spoke to his lips..     -‘’ What I think is.. I think you’re a pathetic human being, Alexei; and It’s so funny because not only you’re pathetic, you’re also just a human. You- are-just-a-human..’’He pushed on the last words.   The venom dripped on the honey, and Alexei slapped Izaya across the face. He then took Izaya’s neck into his palm and pushed his head back to the metal part of the large bedpost. ‘’ – Shut up, Izaya..’’ The impact was hard, but Izaya recovered quickly, he laughed at Alexei’s fraility;      -‘’ Be a man and untie me, Alexei. You coward.. untie me, then hit me. ‘’  Saying this was a deadly mistake, because physically; Alexei was way stronger than Izaya. Mentally, he was dangerously frail.   On Izaya’s words, a flashback flashed in Alexei’s mind.   Russia. ‘’ Be a man Alexei…be a man and get up. Face your father.давай! ‘’ The white snow, the blood, a leather belt hitting mercilessly on his back ‘’ You need to get stronger, Alexei. Come on, count!.’’      -‘’один…’’       Izaya really shoot him from there.Didn’t he? Alexei untied Izaya’s wrists. ===============================================================================       And Izaya did managed to land a couple of powerful punches on Alexei when he untied him. But then Alexei regained his attention and took Izaya by the hair, then harshly knocked the boy’s skull couple of times to the metal of the bedpost. Without letting his hair go, he stilled the now slightly dizzy Izaya with his other arm;    -‘’ I told you.. I told you to stop, Izaya’’ Izaya squirmed to escape from the lion’s grip. Alexei’s arms shook with anger.    -‘’ Two can play this game… Alexei’’ Clenching his teeth, Izaya dug his nails into Alexei’s arm that was stilling him.   Alexei grabbed Izaya’s neck then pinned him onto the bed. ‘’- Be a man ha..?’’ He lost his control and punched Izaya’s liver. Izaya immediately lost his breath and gasped in pain.  Alexei stopped the other’s squirming once again;    -‘’ Look at me, Izaya’’ Alexei slapped Izaya’s face. ‘’ Look at me.’’ And Izaya did. Their eyes met and Izaya, without giving a f. to the world anymore, mockingly grinned at Alexei;    -‘’ If you were that good as an informant, you would know that I am used to getting beaten..up’’ Izaya screamed and kicked Alexei with all his strength.   Everything would feel like a war area with Alexei, you would feel the blood in your nails and you would scream wildly for triumph. The primal instinct of fear and self-preservation. But Izaya was done with all..   and Alexei beat him. He beat him hard. Izaya was lying on the bed, half- conscious, whimpering silently, when Alexei finally crouched beside him, panting from all the struggle. He looked up to Izaya’s limp figure and immediately regretted what he did. But Izaya didn’t, despite the damage. Alexei lost his control there, and Izaya made him lose it. Some frustrated tears wet Alexei’s cheeks and he brought his scratched and trembling hand on Izaya’s hair. ‘’- Izaya… oh god.. ‘’ He cried, after all those years.    -‘’ Y-..you..’r pathetic.., Alexei’’ Izaya mumbled unconsciously. Then the darkness took him.     Ch 10.2 : I had no one, ever…   Voices…voices,voices,voices.      -‘’ Izaya.. I can’t.. I can’t take this man anymore… I am leaving..’’     -’' –Ne, onii-san can we eat from those blueberry- Cupcakes..? Yes.       - ‘’ You hear me Izaya?, you are- ‘’ Useless..? Okay, father.   Nine-thousand yellow butterflies caressed Izaya’s broken body.       -‘’ You were good, beautiful..’’   The Red Dragon will go down The Red Dragon will go down The Red Dragon will Go, Down.   ===============================================================================       Izaya opened his eyes. He was aching all over, and a throbbing in his head was making his vision blurry. For some time, he struggled to think. But when he finally managed to set his brain to work; he first internally recited his name, his age, blood type… No trauma, good. With small motions, but without getting up, he looked around and decided that he was alone. He really wanted to sleep.. His eyes slowly closed again…   The Red Dragon will go down. No.   ===============================================================================       Izaya limped. He limped past the fancy cars and neon lights, ignored the whispers of the transvestites behind his back, ‘’ wasn’t he working for the Chinese? …What happened to him? …F*ck, someone really wrecked him, right? Natalie? ‘’and refused to collapse when his being threatened to. He ignored his own agonized weepings and stopped only when an urge to vomit united with the night’s dopesick wind. He put some of his weight to the poorly painted walls, and limped. How did he even get out? He remembered crawling onto the floor…searching for his phone.. the rest..was black. But he did. ‘’ The Red Dragon will go down’’ He murmured to himself without feeling his own self anymore. The moon needed a fix, Izaya saw no stars when he looked up to catch his breath. The chained ghosts were lying on the alleys, with a needle on their arms,  they were chained to the earth. The moon is an addict. Under the light of a familiar streetlight, fireflies and butterflies greeted him. Izaya gave up right there.. ===============================================================================           -‘’ …Iz…Izaya. Izaya! Oh Jesus.. Honey open your eyes, please. Yes.. like that, come on..’’ When Izaya opened his eyes once again, he felt Haruki’s hand, brushing his hair gently, like it was going to help. Izaya’s first thought was;       -‘’ –Ne Haruki..H-How the fuck you’re always here…?’’ His voice was pitiably quiet.     -‘’ Because my house is near. Did Alexei do this to you? Don-t close your eyes.., look at me’’ Hearing the uttered name, Izaya’s lips curved into a tired smile;     -‘’ I think.. I broke him Haruki.’’ A laugh escaped from his chopped lips, followed with a hiss of pain. Haruki felt genuinely sorry for the boy;     -‘’ I think, babe, he broke you. The man is an ex-boxer, but what did you say to him? This is..’’ Haruki was at loss for words. Butpure violencewas what he was seeing. Seeing this wasn’t unusual for this street, for the people working in this street, though.     -‘’ Haruki.. listen.. take my phone and c—ah‘’ Izaya groaned with sudden pain when he tried to grab his phone out from his pocket.     -‘’ No.. no.. Stay here, I’ll come back’’ Haruki pushed Izaya gently back to the cold iron of the streetlight.   Like I have a choice… Izaya thought and his eyes followed a yellow butterfly flying carelessly, hallucinative-ly.. Izaya remembered hearing his mother’s voice in his dream.. Where was she now?, was she alive?, in an hospital or an asylum? Or was she in streets like his son? I miss you, mother…His attention then swifted to Haruki; who came back with a needle and a tourniquet in his hands, and sat next to him. Izaya tried to pull his arm back when Haruki took his arm and rolled up his sleeve;     -‘’ –Don’t. What is that even?’’     -‘’ It will take the pain away, and I will take you home. It’s clean, trust me.’’     -‘’ Oh shut the f-‘’     -‘’ Okay don’t trust me, makes sense, just give me your arm.’’   Izaya let him. He watched as Haruki pushed the needle into his untouched veins, and the blood formed a Chinese flower inside the needle. He desperately needed to call Li; but when the effect of the drug started to sing lullabies to him, Izaya just listened to himself.       -‘’ Okay now, put your weight on me..try to take a step..’’     -’' No- don’t fall, we’re near, come on. The voices, the lights, and the scenes were all intermittent to Izaya. The only thing he sharply felt was the way too fresh air of the night. It hurt his lungs.       -'’ Here we are..Let me find your keys now. ‘’Haruki searched inside Izaya’s ruby-red backpack and he found the keys.   Now.. Their entrance wasn’t most quiet one, so Haruki came face to face with Mairu and Kururi’s sleepy faces when he tried to take Izaya to the bedroom. Haruki smiled at them and spoke calmly;     -‘’ Now girls..your brother is a little hurt so show me his room, so I can lay him down onto his bed.’’ Still kind of sleeping, Mairu rubbed her eyes and lazily pointed at the door beside them, Kururi on the other hand, opened her eyes bigger and asked;     -‘’ What happened to Iza-nii?’’ They were both scared after focusing more on their brother’s bruised cheek, his swollen lip and bloody forehead.     -‘’ Okay.. I will explain, stay here’’ Haruki replied quickly then got into Izaya’s room and laid him down onto the bed. He didn’t pay attention to boy’s mumbling and whispered ‘’ Honey, I need to make up a story to your sisters before they are traumatised forever, sorry. I will be right back.’’ A line of C. would help so much right now. He returned to twin sisters;     -‘’ Now let’s go to your room, come on. We don’t want to wake your brother up right? ‘’   ===============================================================================        -‘’ Sometimes..girls..people fight. It’s like a sport, honestly..’’    -‘’ What?’’    -‘’Did father do this to Iza-nii?’’   Father..ha. A sad expression crawled on Haruki’s face and filled the silence. He didn’t needed to know the whole story, no one needed to. ‘’ – No..’’ He pulled the blankets to cover the girls. ‘’ …This wasn’t father, girls. But your nii-san needs you right? So you need to be strong..’’ The twins nodded. ‘’ ..Good, so..’’   It took him half an hour to put them to sleep, but Haruki finally came back and settled beside Izaya’s still mumbling body. ‘’ – Why aren’t you sleeping Izaya?’’ Haruki leaned in to hear him more clearly;     -‘’ Li…the dragon..’’    -‘’What happened to Li, Izaya?’’ Haruki asked;    -‘’ I need to..call him.. call-’’    -‘’But why?’’ No answer. Great.   Taking Izaya’s phone, Haruki decided to give it a go. The Chinese were usually kind and if Izaya was good enough, they would help. So he called Li. The phone rang two times before opening;     -‘’ Yes?’’     -‘’ Li-san, with great respect, I am sorry to disturb you this late in the night..I am Izaya’s friend and.. I called to say…that.., he could use a little assistance right now..’’Help him. This was what Haruki was trying to say.   On the other side of Ikebukuro, Li leaned in towards his desk. The rumours are true then.. Couple of hours ago two of his guys came to him and informed him about a boy that was ‘’beaten hard and wandering’’ in the harlotry street. ‘’ He looked like that Japanese boy, boss.’’ They also added.       -‘’ How bad is it ? ‘’    -‘’ It is.. pretty bad, Li-san’’    -‘’ I see.. Give his address to me and I will send over an underground doctor. ‘’    -‘’ Thank you Li-san’’ With beaming eyes, Haruki gave the address to Li. Li wrote the adress on a piece of paper.    -‘’ Okay. I got it. Now.. Haruki, right? Listen to me. I will be going back to China for a… considerable amount of time. When Izaya feels well, take him to the Awakusu-Kai headquarters, and introduce him to Haruya Shiki, I will inform him about you and Izaya. Be smart, and get yourselves out of that s*hit hole that you call life You understand?’’    -‘’ Yes. ‘’ But it’s too late for me Li-san.. Haruki looked at Izaya.Why are you reminding me of..him…Izaya?    -‘’ Abayo, then.’’ Li hung up.   One hour later, seeing the eccentric doctor standing at the door, Haruki wondered if he accidently got high. I didn’t shoot anything today..right?The doctor introduced himself as ‘’ Kishitani Shingen ‘’. He never heard that name before. But he seemed like a good doctor so… whatever?   ‘’ I am not seeing anything particularly dangerous. But if he feels…. And if …….. happens…’’ Haruki’s attention span lowered more and more with every second without a drug. So when the doctor left, Haruki retrieved a piece of paper and a pen from the kitchen –and he took some sugar from the container- and wrote what was left in his brain from the things the doctor said and put the paper on the drawer next to Izaya. He then quietly left.     Ch 10.3 : Salvation   How ironic to wake up to the wonderful chirping of the birds outside your window, when your whole body is stiff and you feel like vomiting. Shut up. He wanted to yell at them, but as a machine, his brain was so fuzy so he only thought about yelling at them. How did I got here? Izaya felt like a methaporical truck hit him, several times. The memories of his awful beating came flying into his brain. The rest...not yet. He turned his head and saw a piece of paper and  his phone lying on the drawer next to his bed. His phone. With a distressing struggle, Izaya managed to take his phone into his hands and called Li. One-two-Izaya’s heartbeat quickened. Thr-;     -‘’ Are you awake, Izaya? ‘’ On the other line, Li greeted him with a calm voice. Confused, but absolutely manic, Izaya started talking.Why there were tears in his eyes, not now. Smile.;     -‘’ Li-san.. Are you alright? I, I heard something about you..I mean-‘’ The ceiling spun in front of Izaya’s eyes, making him struggle to stick the sentences together.     -‘’ Calm down, Izaya. Do you remember about last night? ‘’ What is going on?     -‘’ Nothing much.. I.. don’t remember getting home.’’ An acid was burning Izaya’s stomach and throat.     -‘’ Your friend..Haruki, brought you home. He then called me, and I sent over an underground doctor last night. The doctor called me afterwards, it seems like you were beaten up quite a bit, but nothing life-threatening was going on. Try to rest, and eat more.’’ Izaya brought the back of his free hand on his spilling tears. Haruki ha?  He started to remember..;     -‘’ Li-san.. I heard, someone was after you. ‘’     -‘’ That happens in our ‘occupation’ quite a lot. I am now flying to China, and I can say that I am relatively safe. Listen to me, Izaya. I’ve arranged a meeting for you.  Get well quickly, then Haruki will bring you to Haruya Shiki- an important guy in Awakusu-Kai group- whenever you’re ready. Be smart, and impress Shiki with your brain, he has nothing to do with your other parts, you understand right? ‘’     -‘’ Y- yes..’’     -‘’ Good. I have to go now, see you then?’’     -‘’ Thank you, Li-san’’     After the phone call, Izaya reached out towards the drawer once again and took the paper. The hiragana –really there was no Kanji- on the paper was far… far away from being neat but Izaya somehow read it;   ‘’ Yoo, It’s me, Haruki. So the doctor said if you felt dizzyness and if you vomited blood –I don’t remember the rest- don’t hesitate to call him. His number is on the back. Get well ^^. Ps. I took some of your sugar on my way out. ‘’   Izaya couldn’t help but laugh, there were just too many emotions twirling inside him.. It was unbearable..   The door opened, and Izaya turned to see his sisters entering in, silently.  Stepwise, they climbed onto the bed and waited for their brother to say something. With a tired and forced smile, Izaya lifted his strained right arm, and gently put his hand to first Mairu’s, then Kururi’s head. ‘’- Good morning Kururi, Mairu.’’ The twins started crying. Well, if you were seven, and saw your brother bloodied and beaten up the night before, you would cry too… They cried because they knew something was wrong, but they were just too little to understand..     -‘’ Ssh…’’ Izaya made some weak soothing noises while wiping away their tears. ‘’ Have you forgotten about our agreement? You weren’t going to cry for me remember? , right, Mairu? ‘’ The twins nodded.   They did have an agreement made back in that house. ‘’ Promise me, you are not going to cry for me okay Mairu, Kururi? There is nothing to be afraid of. I am not scared, and you shouldn’t be too, okay? ‘’        -‘’ Okay come here… ‘’ Carefully, Izaya slid towards the edge of the bed, and patted on the bed.   The three squeezed into the bed and Izaya caressed their sister’s hair, in turns;     -‘’ –Ne nii-san, the man from last night..’’ Mairu started the sentence, but she was immediately cut by Izaya’s defensive voice;     -‘’ Did he do anything to you? ‘’     -‘’ He told us that he had a brother somewhere away..’’ Kururi completed Mairu’s sentence;     -‘’…and he sang us a song..’’     -‘’ but we didn’t understand. But it was beautiful. Right, Kururi?’’     -‘’Yes..’’ Kururi replied quietly.     -‘’ I see..’’ Izaya murmured. A brother ha? How interesting. Humans are really interesting..     They slept till midday. Chapter End Notes Faun- Der König von Thule is the song Haruki sang to the twins. ***** Mint Chocolate ***** Chapter Notes Aw yis. So... This week was my exam week, also an heavy rain hit our town and there was a flood in our house and I wrote this chapter while sweeping away the rain water in my brother's room. Nice, right? This chapter started off as a little dull but it gets better. and from here we will sail to the Shizaya relationship, and how it started and all that... Lemme give you a music for the Ch 11.3: Mint ; 40' by Franz Ferdinand and Granville - Le Slow notes; '' Wie geht es euch '' How are you in German, but the plural version. '' Yoroshiku onegai shimasu '' ; Something like nice to meet you but like ''I am pleased to meet you let's be good together and take care after each other '' *nice dictionary again* I will proof-read this sometime...oh by the way, I would like to thank every one of you who read this fic up to this point, I will not waste your time in the future too, thank you ! :) Ch 11: An Empty Heart   Orihara Izaya’s Diary;   12/05/….. - Monday It seems like I’m falling. I’m falling down and I feel like I’m choking in an endless pit. I’m waking up at 3.00 a.m. in the night; startled and afraid for no reason. Then also, I’m sleeping off the days… Even the most basic activities tire me. I know I need to be there for my sisters, but I feel like an empty shell. It’s so tiring and it hurts without hurting. A feeling with such cruelty.. Alexei is not calling anymore. I want to end it all…     13/05/…. – Tuesday I took R. today. It’s heavy, but works.   14/05/…. – Wednesday Haruki texted me. He wants to take me to that Shiki guy. I don’t know if I can trust him; Hell, can I trust anyone? Everything feels like a threat. I’m in so much fear all the time. Maybe I should have let father do… those things…to me; maybe I shouldn’t have left the house. But no… He is sick and he would hurt Mairu and Kururi too, eventually. I’m so lost. What should I do? What should I do? What should I do? A yellow butterfly keeps appearing in my dreams, sometimes I see it on my side too… I want to end it all..   ===============================================================================        -‘’ Ne- Kururi why is onii-san talking to himself? ‘’ Mairu stopped listening to their brother’s whispers that are coming from his room and looked at her twin sister;    -‘’ Butterflies ‘’ Kururi’s answer was silent and simple.   ===============================================================================     15/05/….. – Thursday Apparently, I lost the count of the sleeping pills I took and scared my sisters. They thought I died. I hate myself for making them sad. I need to heal; but I fail to leave the bed, If I leave the bed, I find myself lying on the couch all day; just like my father. I hate myself. Haruki texted today too.   16/05/….. – Friday I hate the scars on my body. ===============================================================================     Izaya spent that day sitting on the bathroom tiles and looking at himself in the mirror.   ===============================================================================   17/05/…. – Saturday I’m constantly losing more weight. The rent day is near. If I don’t go to Haruya Shiki, I will need to start going on jobs again. But who would want me anymore? That f. bastard not only scarred my soul but also fucked up my body even more. It hurts to look—   ‘’…In the mirror’’ Hearing the bell rang, Izaya stopped writing.  Who this could be?He let his heart beat faster out of instinct and dragged his feet to the door. ‘’ -Who is it? ‘’    -‘’ It’s Ha-ru-ki ‘’ An high pitched voice answered from the other side of the door.. right.. Izaya opened the door. ‘’ What do you—‘’    -‘’ Want? , Honey, it’s rude not to text back to the girl who will lead you the way of salvation’’ Dilated pupils, slightly trembling hands… He is high isn’t he?    -‘’ Don’t complete my sentences. The fuck is a way of salvation anyway? And you’re not—‘’    -‘’ A girl?- ‘’ Haruki pushed the door together with Izaya, and let himself in. ‘’who cares about gender anymore?’’ He closed the door with a smirk.     -‘’ Don’t comp—fuck, whatever. ‘’ Izaya exhaled, then crossed his arms over his chest and continued ‘’ I’m not feeling well enough to meet him. ‘’    -‘’ Oh… don’t tell me your ‘stupid’ is acting up again ‘’ Haruki’s manic and slightly nasal voice was too energetic for Izaya. No, Haruki’s whole being was too much for Izaya.   ‘’ F—‘’ Izaya’s mouth opened to tell a big ‘’ fuck off ‘’ to Haruki, but Mairu and Kururi ran towards them and so, Izaya instantly shut his mouth.       -‘’ Ah, girls! Wie geht es euch?I taught you that phrase, right? You remember?’’ Haruki smiled and playfully knelt in front of them. Obviously happy to see Haruki, the twins replied cheerfully;    -‘’Mir geht es gut.’’ Gut! ‘’Haruki clapped his hands twice. Izaya, now so done with everything, closed his eyes and started counting to ten.    -'’You taught them German? ‘’    -’ 'Just a couple of phrases. ‘’ Haruki answered and stood up while sending the twins back to the couch. He then glanced towards Izaya and examined him;       -‘’ Well… your face looks fine. Apart from the dark circles, bruises and the overall unhealthy look, of course. Besides, I already got an appointment and if we don’t go tod—‘’       -Wait…‘’ You did what!? ‘’ Izaya barked and grabbed the collar of Haruki’s white shirt. Then he looked towards his sisters –whom were quite baffled by their brother’s sudden outburst- and regretted immediately. ‘’ – Come with me ‘’ Izaya grabbed Haruki’s wrist instead and pulled him to the bedroom. He slammed the door with his foot and without releasing Haruki’s wrist, asked again;        -‘’ You did what? ‘’ Instead of answering, Haruki swiftly freed himself from Izaya’s grasp – he was way experienced in this, much to Izaya’s surprise- and banged the other one to the wall harshly. Izaya hissed with instant pain in his back. Haruki leaned in towards Izaya’s face and let his mask drop;      -‘’ Are you stupid? No one, Izaya, no-one in this job gets an offer like you got-‘’ He jolted Izaya again ‘’No one can touch you if you impress Shiki. Now, why are you deciding to act stupid? Because you are not! ‘’   On that, Izaya slowly dropped his eyes onto the floor like a scolded child, and whispered;    -‘’ I… don’t want to get hurt again..’’ Seeing the driblets of tear that are hanging on top of Izaya’s lashes, an image flickered in front of Haruki’s eyes; ‘’ I don’t want you to go, brother ‘’ Haruki exhaled and released the broken thing. Izaya slumped onto the floor like a lifeless puppet, then took his head between his legs. ‘’ I hope you have something decent to wear ‘’ Haruki didn’t find the energy to high-pitch his voice again and normally spoke while walking towards the closet and opening it. He dug into Izaya’s clothes; ‘’ This- ‘’ After some searching, he grabbed a basic black blazer and shirts ‘’ and this ‘’ and a pair of trousers. He laid them on Izaya’s bed and walked towards Izaya’s hunched figure;    -‘’ Come on, let’s fix that face up a bit ‘’ Haruki sent a hand to stand him up.    -‘’ What? ‘’ Forcefully getting on his feet, Izaya saw Haruki’s baby-blue bag swaying in front of his eyes. He sent a questioning look to Haruki. The other rolled his eyes;    -‘’ Just sit on the bed ‘’ And Izaya did what he said; he really had no energy to fight anymore..  Haruki opened his bag and a considerable amount of makeup products were scattered onto the bed.      -‘’ Is that a lipstick? ‘’ Izaya’s eyes catched a red cylinder object.    -‘’ Yes, I work in drag too ‘’ Haruki replied while trying to decide between two bottles of concealer in his hands. He then decided on the lighter one and brought the bottle near Izaya’s face to confirm his decision. With that, Izaya’s weary eyes met with Haruki’s dilated pupils. Seeing the defeated look in Izaya’s eyes, Haruki slowly lowered the bottle and decided to give him some assurance. He put a hand on Izaya’s knee and spoke calmly;    -‘’ No one can lay a finger on you, or on your sisters if you can make Shiki take you under his protection. Which is likely, because-‘’ Haruki took a brush and opened the bottle ‘’ First, Li has your back. I, also informed Shiki about the trades and jobs we did, and how you managed to rent an apartment without handing yourself to the cops; So he knows you’re smart.’’ He lifted Izaya’s cheek ‘’ Look up ‘’   The liquid was cold and Haruki’s brush tingled Izaya’s face. Haruki continued on his rambling while working on Izaya’s fading bruises; ‘’ You have to act, Izaya. This is what I do, this is what we all do.’’  Izaya grinned and answered back;     -‘’ and what are you acting now Haruki? Regret of stabbing someone from the back?  ‘’ That edge in his voice settled itself once again.     -‘’ Ah… yes honey, just like that; you’re a natural talent at acting ‘’ Haruki exaggerated his tone and Izaya laughed, -which only gained him a hit on the head by the wooden part of the Haruki’s brush-    -‘’ Aow-‘’    -‘’ No, baby-face, talk to Shiki like that; and you’re dead.’’ ===============================================================================     Fifteen minutes later when Izaya –in Haruki’s words- was looking like ‘’less of a walking corpse’’; Izaya kissed his sister’s foreheads;    -‘’ Do-not open the door to anyone, alright? I have my keys, I will be back in a few hours’’ The twins nodded and Izaya thanked a random deity for giving him such good sisters. Then they left the house.   ===============================================================================     When they arrived to Awakusu-Kai headquarters, Haruki escorted Izaya until they were in front of Haruya Shiki’s office. Haruki gave a little squeeze on Izaya’s shoulder;    -‘’ I will wait for you at the park ‘’    -‘’ What, aren’t you coming too? ‘’ On Izaya’s question, Haruki scratched his hair with a distressed look on his face. ‘’Well… I kind of sold shit in their area so they don’t really like me-’’ He sent a look to the bodyguard waiting by the door and the guard confirmed with an intimidating nod ‘’ Besides, I’m not full-blooded Japanese like you. So..’’ He ruffled Izaya’s hair. ‘’ See ya. ‘’    -‘’ O…kay’’     ===============================================================================   Ch 11.1: An Empty Soul   Entering, Izaya first felt the familiar heavenly power that filled the room. His eyes quickly scanned the room; and that did not escaped from The Yakuza Executive’s attention; Such working brain hidden behind those drained eyes.. Shiki extended a hand towards Izaya and two hands united in a firm handshake;    -‘’ Thank you for accepting me, Shiki-san ‘’ Izaya tried to appear as calm as possible. I can’t mess this up.His brain was overworking again, everything had to run smoothly.    -‘’ Please-‘’ Shiki gestured towards the brown leather armchairs in front of the large chestnut desk. They sat opposite to each other ‘’-Li spoke very sincerely of you.’’  Izaya only listened; Because Haruki’s ‘sermons’ were still in his ear;   ‘’First, babe, don’t reply with that sarcastic tone of yours, Don’t say anything until you’re asked something, Don’t interrupt him… And Dont-‘’ Haruki hit Izaya’s back ‘’ hunch your back ‘’      -Haruya Shiki continued on talking; ‘’Li wants me to take you under my protection. That can be done. I can send you and your sisters to school, I can guarantee you a future. Everything can be done with enough money, if not; with enough connections-’’ Izaya nodded. Shiki put his elbows on his knees and lowered his body; ‘’ But what can you not get with money or connection is, trust. Let’s get straight to the point. Can I trust you, Orihara Izaya? ‘’   Unlike Alexei, Haruya Shiki’s firm being wasn’t intimidating to Izaya; he only felt a strange… respect towards the man. So he decided to play honest;    -‘’ You see, Shiki-san, I am nobody. Even if you trust me, I can not harm you excessively. But if I trust you, you can… hurt me, or my sisters easily. With all respect, I think I should ask… Can I, trust you? ‘’ Hearing the boy’s bold response, Shiki’s lips converted into a half smile. Good… Izaya didn’t broke the eye contact and silently drained his crazy-beating heart forever. At that second, he wasn’t a useless kid, or a drug addict, or a street worker. He was Orihara Izaya, a seventeen year old boy, who, throughout his life, only had his nails to dig himself a livelihood… Shiki’s answer came after a little silence;    -‘’ No… you can’t trust me personally. Only if I offer you a job; and now, I will offer you one…’’   ===============================================================================     Scene cuts to the park where Haruki is sitting on a bench and watching kids play. His veins were burning with the drugs he took earlier; and his being; with fear. He had thought this all-over, many times. Introducing Izaya to Shiki… and he was aware of the consequences waiting for him. So he silently got into Alexei’s car when he pulled up beside him.     ===============================================================================   Back in Shiki’s office, where both Izaya and Shiki are pleased with each other.    -‘’ Let’s talk about details then… How old are you? ‘’ Out of habit, Izaya’s mouth parted to say ‘eighteen’ but seeing it coming, Shiki added; ‘’ –Don’t lie’’ ‘’ I became seventeen the last month. ‘’ Izaya exhaled. Seventeen, and already in that psychopath’s pawn…Even the slightest thought of Alexei irritated Shiki. But he knew about his doings; and he wanted to see how far that bastard informant went with the boy sitting across him;    -‘’ Take off your shirt ‘’ It was simple, wasn’t an order, just a simple request.   Izaya remembered Haruki’s words again; ‘’ He might want to check if you have any tattoos or something…Even if you’re directed by Li, they’re still two seperate Yakuzas you see…? ‘’ No rats. So Izaya lowered his eyes to his knees and started taking his shirt off. Shiki stood up and gave his attention to the calligraphy decorating the grey-ish walls,  until the boy was finished.   When he looked back, Shiki’s brows furrowed slightly. He walked towards Izaya, and without touching him, examined the tragedy that is carved onto the boy’s young skin.  ‘’ -Did that fucker do these to you? ‘’ Shiki wasn’t the cursing type, but the sentence fell randomly this time; Who could that ‘’fucker’’ be… oh..The boy answered; ‘’- Not all of them, some of it are my father’s work ‘’ Izaya wasn’t scared or embarassed at this point. He just couldn’t ‘’mess anything up ‘’. He only felt an unmeasurable hatred towards Alexei.   Shiki sighed ‘’ Monsters really do live inside us…’’ Izaya looked at his slightly fisted hands and stayed silent against the murmured sentence.      -‘’ You can dress. Do you have a list of all your customers? ‘’     ===============================================================================   And dear reader; Monsters do live inside us. The scene is in Alexei’s mansion now. The burning fireplace, and the texture of the scarlet red divan. The snake glides near Haruki’s face, and lights the red. The red is in the floor, red is in the air, the red lies inside Alexei’s ice-blue orbs. The blood drips… Alexei takes a long piece from Haruki’s dark blond hair, and twirls it in his fingers; ‘’ You have beautiful hair…’’ The blood drips into Haruki’s ear… The red of the fireplace reflects on Haruki’s tears and the scene cuts to Haruya Shiki’s office once again.   ===============================================================================      -’' …If anyone comes to you to do wrong, or if you need anything, you can call me.’’   After the meeting, Izaya went to the park that Haruki mentioned. But the druggie wasn’t in sight. ‘’ He must have gone somewhere to take a hit ‘’ Izaya thought and decided to walk back home to his sisters. He also stopped by the convenience store and did some shopping. He bought loved blueberry cupcakes as an apology to his sisters;For not being completely ‘there’ for weeks… for everytime I made you cry… for everytime I scared you. I will heal; I promise.   But the universe seemed to hold an hate towards him..     ===============================================================================   1:00 AM at night, the same day      -‘’ I looked for you at the park but you weren’t there. So I went home. You fine? ‘’This was Izaya’s text that he sent to Haruki; six hours ago..   Many things could happen to a drug addict. An overdose, bad quality stuff, being busted by the cops… Possibilities were unnerving. Something was wrong and it bothered Izaya without giving itself a name… So he decided to stop furrowing his eyebrows and went out to find Haruki.   Under the familiar streetlight, fireflies and butterflies were wandering carelessly with their specks of light.   ‘’ His house was near’’ but Izaya didn’t know the exact address. There were four old buildings in this slum area. He also tried calling Haruki couple of times. No answer. ‘’Fuck ‘’, he cursed under his breath and wrapped his fingers on his jacket. The wind was cruel at night. What do I do?    -‘’ …yes, I told him to take her home but he refused, can you believe this Natalie?‘’ Izaya turned his head and saw two drags stepping out from building just behind the streetlight. Maybe they know him.He walked towards them and asked; ‘’- Do you know a guy named Haruki? He works in drag too, I… need to find him ‘’ With his mermaid blue wig and pink dress, ‘’Natalie’’ answered the cute looking boy’s question; ‘’ Yeah, he stays at the room six. But baby who are you? ‘’ The other joined the conversation; ‘’ Yeah, I heard he didn’t like to play with youngsters ‘’ He eyed Izaya from head to toe. Izaya escaped his eyes from him;    -‘’ I’m… just his friend ‘’    -‘’ Oh, I see. ‘’ Izaya bowed slightly, then ran upstairs to the sixth room.   Ch 11.2 : Monsters   The door wasn’t locked, Izaya just had to slightly push it, and it opened with scratchy sounds. ‘’ –Haruki? ‘’ Izaya felt an urge to lower his voice when he started walking in the ratty room. The only source of light was a bedside lamp. Specks of dust were dancing inside the room. Izaya swallowed… ‘’ – Haruki ? ‘’    -‘’ Please go away Izaya ‘’ Haruki’s hoarse voice was terrifyingly familiar to Izaya. Another possibility was added to the list now; and it was horrifying. No… Seeing Haruki’s lying figure, Izaya ran towards the craggy and dirty looking bed. The lying one’s back was turned to Izaya, and a thin grey sheet was covering his shoulders.;    -‘’ Haruki, what happened, tell me, please’’ Izaya put his hand on Haruki’s shoulder to turn his face, but the other one resisted;    -‘’ Nothing, just, leave. ‘’ Haruki pulled the sheets even more to cover himself, but Izaya saw it;   And his lips parted in shock. Tears followed the sight, Half of Haruki’s hair was burnt.      -‘’ Oh my God… ‘’ Izaya whispered in a shaky breath and touched the burnt ends of Haruki’s once long dark-blond hair with his now trembling fingers; ‘’ – Did he do this to you? ‘’ Izaya jolted Haruki from his naked shoulders and yelled ‘’ Haruki tell me, did Alexei do this to you? ‘’ He then lost it there and put his head onto Haruki’s shoulder. He sobbed ‘’ Please, Haruki, tell me ‘’ This was way out of line. This was inhuman. This was horror right in front of Izaya’s eyes. Couple of chess pieces fell onto the metaphysical floor in Izaya’s mind.   Haruki couldn’t listen to Izaya’s heart-wrenching crying any longer so he answered;     -‘’ I deserved it- ‘’ He finally turned and his blue orbs connected with Izaya’s deep-red ones that were glazing with little crystals. Haruki put a hand on the crying one’s cheek ‘’ I took his most beloved toy from his hands. ‘’ Seeing the faint smile on Haruki’s lips, Izaya sniffed once and asked ‘’ How can you say something like this? No one can deserve something like this. He is a monster, damn it ‘’ On that, Haruki murmured a ‘’yes ‘’ and turned his face again.  A silence was filled with Izaya’s little sobs and sniffs. Haruki hated when a kid cried near him. It reminded him of his brother; and their last encounter. ‘’ How many years have passed, Karl? ‘’      -‘’ Ne- Izaya- ‘’ Haruki fixed his eyes to the worn graffiti on the wall, ‘’Do you think you can forgive me? ‘’ He asked.   Izaya lowered his head. No, he couldn’t. He wasn’t the type that says ‘’ Okay, I forgive you, I will forget everything… ‘’ Even if Haruki helped him. He just couldn’t. But…      -‘’ Yes.. I forgive you ‘’   And It was that second Izaya realized that he wanted revenge. He wanted to burn Alexei. He wanted to kill him; It was that second Izaya decided to be an informant.      -‘’ Ne- Haruki-‘’ Izaya traveled a hand on Haruki’s hair. ‘’ Let me cut your hair. I cut my sister’s hair all the time. Just the edges. ‘’    -‘’ Hm... you can? , Okay I guess ‘’   ===============================================================================   Izaya opened the curtains to let the moonlight in while Haruki found a pair of scissors from the neighbors. Then Haruki smoked a joint while Izaya cut his hair;    -‘’ I heard from my sisters that you have a brother? ‘’ A whispery conversation started between them.    -‘’ Hm..? Yes. He was in Germany the last time I saw him. In a city called Weimar. Do you know there? ‘’    -‘’ The author Goethe have lived there for a while right? I only know that… ‘’ Sound of the scissors clipping echoed in the room.    -‘’ It’s a cute place…’’ The smoke seemed to untie Haruki’s tongue even more. He exhaled and changed the topic ‘’ So are you going back to school? ‘’   Despite the sadness surrounding them, Izaya’s eyes gleamed when he heard the word ‘school’; ‘’-Yes’’ he answered excitedly, ‘’ I will go to Raira Academy and my sisters to--- ‘’ Haruki’s lids were slowly closing due to the high. His bones were tired, his being was tired. But for some reason he felt happy for the boy; ‘’.. great ‘’ He murmured.    -‘’ Ne- Haruki, can I borrow that thing you put on my face today ? ‘’ Izaya finished his job and put the scissors onto the nightstand.    -‘’ Yep- ‘’ Haruki stood up and threw himself to the bed ‘’ You can ‘’     And… This wasn’t a new beginning for Izaya. He was walking on pieces of glass with his bare feet. But he was the sycamore tree. Izaya acted; always, always, always, always The sun saw the pain lying deep within his eyes; the sun saw the red crying, and the sun heard it’s screams… But how everything was silent and calm around the red? Izaya acted, just like Haruki said. And the sun couldn’t do anything but to watch the deepest ocean drown itself.   Ch 11.3 : Mint Today certainly wasn’t the first day of school for the rest of the students in Japan, but it was for Izaya and his sisters.   Izaya got up early, prepared a satisfying breakfast, ironed the girl’s old uniforms and his casual clothes –he didn’t had the time to buy the uniform of Raira Academy- and then went to the girl’s shared bedroom. He stood there in the doorway for some time and listened to the ghostly silence of the house while watching his sister’s peacefully sleeping faces. Couple of cars were riding down the road, and the birds were chirping their unconscious melodies to the skies. Izaya smiled a little;    -‘’ Mairu, Kururi, wake up. We’re going to school today, remember? ‘’ Kururi immediately opened her eyes and slowly sat up on the bed. She looked at his brother and his brother nodded back. Kururi threw an elbow to Mairu’s oddly lying and still sleeping figure and murmured to her; ‘’ Wake up . ‘’ Izaya laughed and prepared to leave the room; ‘’ -Wash your faces and eat breakfast. Do you want me to help you putting your clothes on? ‘’ As an answer, he got a shake of head as in ‘’no’’ from Kururi. ‘’- Quick then…’’ Izaya went to his own room to dress. He took off his cotton pajamas and then took the lotion standing on his nightstand. It was from the doctor that tend Izaya’s wounds that day…what was his name? He didn’t remember but he poured some in his hands and rubbed it on his chest and arms. A strong smell of mint chocolate filled the room. Izaya then wore a red top and black pants and took the concealer he borrowed from Haruki. He turned his face to see Mairu and Kururi eating breakfast while walking towards the bathroom. When inside, he leaned in towards the mirror and put some concealer on his cheek –the bruise was barely there but Izaya didn’t wanted to get any looks from people, you can never know-. His left eyebrow raised slightly when he saw how pale his lips looked. He sighed;  Maybe I should have borrowed something for that too..He closed the bottle and went to the kitchen to pack his sister’s lunches. He spoke while wrapping a sheet on the teddy-bear shaped lunch boxes;    -‘’ I will take you from school so wait for me okay? . And oh, we will meet with someone today after school. Um.. He might seem frightening but he really isn’t. Be good at school, alright? ‘’ The twins nodded. ‘’-Okay go dress now ‘’ Izaya sent the girls to their bedroom and yelled behind them ‘’ Yell if you need help ‘’   ===============================================================================   They left the house and took a bus to the twin’s elementary school     -’ 'Please say a hello from us to Shiki-san, he helped a lot when we were in trouble ‘’Chiaki Fujiwara, or Chiaki-sensei said this after Izaya introduced himself and his sisters to her.    -‘’ I will. Thank you again Chiaki-sensei’’Izaya bowed with respect and started walking towards the Raira Academy.   ===============================================================================   Well… He still got some weird looks from the students going inside the building,  thanks to his different attire but Izaya didn’t seemed to care. He gave his attention to the conversation of two girls walking in front of him, while he himself walked towards the principal’s office;     -‘’Ne- They say Shizu-chan got mad at someone and threw a trash can to a boy the other day ‘’.. what a girl, Izaya thought. Oh boy…The other girl spoke;     -‘’ It’s nothing different. Always the same thing… A monster, right? ‘’     -‘’ Right..’’ The shorter girl giggled. Monster ha… Izaya wanted to laugh at that.     He knocked the door before entering to the principal’s office;     -‘’ Good morning, sir. I’m Orihara Izaya ‘’ He closed the door and bowed. The slightly built and white-haired principal; Akira Haseyama, straightened up in his chair and put a professional smile on his face;    -‘’ You’re that boy Shiki-san sent over, right? . Welcome- ‘’ He sat up, ‘’ The class will start in a minute, let me introduce you to your main class teacher. If something happens, you can go to him ‘’     Izaya bowed for a third time when he was introduced to his class teacher; Tojira Aoyama, a thirty-five year old good looking teacher with a quirk of constantly moving his fingers while talking. He seemed nice though;    -‘’ Come on let’s get in and then you can introduce yourself to the rest of the class ‘’ After the required saluting, all eyes were stuck to the frail-looking pale boy that stood beside Aoyama-sensei. ‘’ -This is Orihara-kun and he will join our class today. You can introduce yourself ‘’ On teacher’s note Izaya looked at twenty-two people in front of him and talked; Be normal.. be normal .. be normal.. ‘’ I’m Orihara Izaya. Um.. I like, observing things and people… Yoroshiku onegai shimasu’’ He bowed for the last time today. The teacher symphatetically put his hand on Izaya’s shoulder. ‘’ –Observing ha, interesting. Maybe you can be good friends with Shinra-kun right, Shinra? ‘’ Sitting in the third row, Kishtani Shinra’s eyes gleamed and he lifted a hand to show himself ‘’- Hai, Yoroshiku, Orihara-kun ! ‘’      -‘’ Welcome then. You can sit in the fourth desk by the window in front of Shizuo ‘’ The teacher pointed towards a… wait what, bleached yellow haired boy looking outside the window, obviously weren’t listening until the teacher uttered his name. He then turned his face and saw a really thin and ghostly pale boy walking towards him. The girls in the class whispered and Izaya heard them ‘’-He’s sitting in front of Shizu-chan ‘’ ‘’He better watches out’’ Shizu- chan was a boy? Wow…Before sitting down, Izaya gave a little salute to Shizuo with his head. Shizuo just watched while trying to not to get angry at the girls whispering about him…Always the same thing, he thought; He will too, hate me in a couple of days.     One with an uncontrollable strenght, the other, obsessed with his own weaknesses. One fears his own hands, the other, sees everyone as a threat. But both of them; Alone.     Shizuo Heiwajima smelled something lingering really nicely- Wait what- on Orihara Izaya.       His future husband smelled like mint chocolate. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!