Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/635844.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Major_Character_Death, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Harry_Potter_-_J._K._Rowling
  Relationship:
      Harry_Potter/Severus_Snape
  Character:
      Harry_Potter, Severus_Snape, Voldemort, Death_Eater
  Additional Tags:
      Wartime, Alternate_Universe_-_Canon_Divergence, Angst, Torture,
      Psychological_Torture, powerful!Harry, Starvation
  Collections:
      Snarry_Swap
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-12-20 Words: 12579
****** Horizon ******
by Ashii_Black_(ashiiblack)
Summary
     It makes sense to me that I look to the horizon and think of him.
     Despite how long it took us to get out of that basement, we found
     freedom within each other.
Notes
     Don't let the warnings scare you away! It's an intense fic, but most
     readers will be able to make it through without any major squicking.
     Betaed by icicle33 and written for the Secret Snarry Swap at LJ/DW/
     IJ, for belladonna1185.

 Horizon
Life is eternal and love is immortal; And death is only a horizon, And a
horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight. - Rossiter W. Raymond
 
**
I cry at the sunset. At first, the Mind Healers thought I was emotional from
everything, that there wasn't any actual trauma from what I went through. When
I started avoiding being outside during the sunset, they were forced to
recognize that the Boy Who Lived had lasting damage. Everyone jumped at the
chance to be the Healer to fix the great Harry Potter. Unfortunately for them,
I had grown somewhat placated in my behavior. Food no longer had a taste.
Colors seemed muted.
All of this was because I knew I would never see him again. What was the point
in enjoying life, if the one you loved was no longer with you?
Early one morning, just as the sun was coming up, I closed my eyes and imagined
the feel of his hands on my shoulders, his lips at my neck. What we had was
short-lived, but it changed my life forever.
I watch the sunrise with a new rigor now. I know that despite everything,
despite the fact he is gone, that one day we will meet again.
**
Shortly after returning to the Dursleys' after my sixth year, I was captured.
It was no one else's fault but my own. I went out by myself late one night,
thinking that I could sneak off to have a pint at the nearest pub. Barely even
a kilometer out, the Carrow siblings took me.
I didn't even have time to react. They Stunned me and Apparated me to Malfoy
Manor. Voldemort and his group of Death Eaters had set up their headquarters
there shortly after Dumbledore was killed.
I was cautious as to what I should eat from them. They had the chance to poison
me. Yet, I had to eat. If I failed to do that, I would have died anyway.
It had been several months since I was captured and every once in a while, I
would get incredibly sick. I would vomit all over my cell and they would give
me a bloody rag (from Merlin knew who) to clean it myself. Once, they put
something in my food that gave me horrifying visions: monsters closing in on
me, my friends pointing and laughing as a werewolf dripped its bloody saliva
over my quivering body. I screamed for help and no one came. I was alone.
Despite my being the great Boy Who Lived, no one was particularly thrilled to
have me there. They knew I was captured, but the war was far from over. I
overheard many conversations about all of the spies that had infiltrated the
Ministry.
I felt unbelievably powerless in those first few weeks. All of the information
the Order needed was at my fingertips, yet I couldn't get out to tell anyone.
To be honest, I lost track of information after several days. I lost all
motivation to do anything. I was a complete idiot. How could I have been
captured by the other side? I deserved to be in there. It was a punishment for
behaving so foolishly. All of my recklessness only caused trouble. Dumbledore
spent years and years keeping me safe and I ruined it in one afternoon to drown
my sorrows.
I didn't know what sorrow was until after he was captured. I wish I hadn't.
**
I had been dragged into what looked like the drawing room. A group of Death
Eaters stood, huddled together, including Severus Snape.
My eyes landed on the slimy git. He looked exhausted. I wasn't used to seeing
him look like that. A part of me almost felt pity for him until I remembered
that he killed Dumbledore and betrayed the Order, effectively being a major
reason for why the Ministry had fallen.
For a moment, his eyes met mine and his lips formed a sneer. Those intense
black eyes staring at me shot a wave of goosebumps down my arms. Snape knew how
to goad me without even opening his mouth. I gulped and looked down. If he was
to be the one torturing me that night, I didn't want to taunt him. I was lucky
to have all of my extremities still intact, based off of what I've seen from
some of the other prisoners in the basement.
"Crucio!" someone yelled, their voice filled with glee.
The spell hit me and all I could feel were white-hot knives digging into my
every orifice. I used to keep my screams in, but all that made them do was try
even harder to hurt me. I screamed as though that was all I could do.
"Crucio!" Bellatrix joined in on the torture.
Her spells were the worst. She was able to put more hatred and meaning into it
than any other Death Eater who had used them on me.
My vision was already fading. The lack of food affected my ability to stay
conscious.
"Severus! You next!"
I expected an instant blast of a painful spell other than the Cruciatus. It
didn't come, so I opened my eyes. I was in a ball on the floor and the Death
Eaters were standing around me. Snape was looking down at me, a disgusted
expression on his face.
I wondered what he saw. I knew I had lost weight and barely slept, nor had I
bathed in ages. Perhaps that explained his disgusted expression. Either way, it
provoked me.
"Go on, Snape! You did it so easily with Dumbledore!" I sat up, using my arms
to hold myself. "If you can kill someone you betrayed like that, surely you can
at least cause someone you hate a bit of pain!"
Snape didn't move. Several Death Eaters shifted uncomfortably and whispered to
each other.
I was furious. Was I not worth his time? Not even worth enough to use a spell
on for fun? "Go fuck yourself!"
I seemed to find some sort of internal power that had been hidden away and I
stood. Several Death Eaters whipped out their wands but Voldemort cried, "No,
he belongs to Severus!"
I rushed to Snape and my fingers found his throat. "YOU KILLED HIM!"
It had been years since I had been this close to Snape, and it certainly hadn't
been to choke him. He didn't even fight me as my fingers tightened. I was so
surprised by this that I dropped my hands and stared at him. "Fight back, you
fucking coward!"
He wasn't going to win this. I may have looked like a screaming child, but I
didn't care. They had finally let me out of the cell, and, for some reason,
gave me a chance to actually do something. I wanted to fight! He couldn't take
that opportunity from me! Why wouldn't he fight back?
A strong pair of hands pushed me backward, sending me toppling onto my arse. I
winced, but before I had time to feel my pain, a jet of light shot out of
Snape's wand.
It wasn't the Cruciatus, but it was painful. I was reminded of the comfort of
Ron and Hermione's embrace; of talking to Sirius; of discussing Voldemort's
plans with Dumbledore. Everything I missed terribly was suddenly rushing back
to me.
I looked up at Snape and sneered, wanting nothing more than to finish what I
started, to choke the life out of the bastard. He was a traitor. He deceived
Albus Dumbledore, the greatest wizard to have ever existed.
Tears welled up in my eyes as Snape shot the same spell at me. I was taken back
to an old dream I had about my parents, about what life would have been like
growing up with them. Their hugs, their laughter.
I shook off my feelings and tried to stay focused in the area. Even though it
had been tempting to stay locked up in these nostalgic thoughts, I needed to
stay on guard.
"Severus." Voldemort nodded at Snape, who lowered his wand. "As you can see, an
emotional punishment can be far more painful than physical torture. Remember
that."
Shortly after, I was sent back to my cell.
**
The next morning, I woke to find the cell next to me occupied.
The occupant was none other than Severus Snape.
"Potter," he drawled when I scrambled up in shock.
"Don't tell me this is some kind of trick to get me to open up." I narrowed my
eyes at him. "What, Voldemort didn't like the way you killed a Muggle last
night?"
Snape scoffed and crossed his arms. He was sitting on the ground against the
wall, staring away from me. "As I'm sure you know, the Dark Lord is in
possession of the Elder Wand."
Having heard a brief mention of this at supper one night, I nodded. Snape
continued.
"The wand is unbeatable. However, having an unbeatable wand makes one -
paranoid."
I nodded again. Voldemort had seemed more suspicious of his Death Eaters for
several weeks before.
"He believed that I would lead his Death Eaters in a coup against him, that I
would seize the Elder Wand for myself. After all, I had already killed
Dumbledore." Snape's voice dropped.
"So he put you in here because he thought you would betray him for power?" It
sounded believable.
"He fed me Wourecht's Serum last night."
At my confused look, Snape continued. "Perhaps if you actually cracked open a
Potions textbook, you would know that Wourecht's Serum is a lethal truth serum,
which uses oil from a belladonna leaf. It causes the drinker to occasionally go
into a fit of madness, where they will tell you anything and everything you
want to know. After several months, they stay in that madness and pass away."
My mouth dropped open. "Wh-what happened?"
Snape's voice was dull and unlike any tone I had ever heard him use before. "He
asked me about my loyalties and I told him-" he swallowed and winced. "I told
him that I was loyal to the Order and protecting Harry Potter."
It must have been several minutes before I spoke again. So many thoughts spun
through my head. Snape was on my side? He killed Dumbledore on his own orders?
"But-"
"I'm sure you were curious about Albus' black hand?" His face remained blank.
"He was cursed by a ring last summer. He had less than a year. Knowing of
Draco's task, Albus asked me to spare his innocence and kill him myself."
So much was processing through my mind. Snape was on our side. Voldemort knew
that Snape was on our side. Snape was on our side. Snape was on our side. Snape
was poisoned.
"You were poisoned." My voice was flat.
"I was poisoned."
"There's no cure."
"There's no cure."
"You are going to die."
"Do try to keep up, Potter."
"When?" I fought the sadness in my tone. The tiniest part of me felt pity.
Fuck, I felt complete pity. I had acted like a complete arse to Snape ever
since I knew him and he was a part of the Order the entire time.
"Months. I don't know how high a dose he gave me."
"You're being so honest," I choked out.
"It seems foolish to maintain this facade when I will be dead in just a few
short months. I've nothing better to do."
"Break free!" I said, my voice rising. "You're Professor Snape, for Merlin's
sake! You can find a cure!"
He kicked at the ground. "Don't be such a fool, Potter."
I stood up. "I'm not being a fool! Why are you being such an idiot? Are you
just going to waste away in here?"
"Isn't that what you've been doing?"
I paused. I needed to choose my words carefully. "Sometimes, it feels as though
nothing will ever get better. But Professor, I've been listening to everything
they talk about in there. I know who is put in which position in the Ministry.
I know about the Magic is Might plan. I just need to break free. If we can work
together, I'm sure we can find out a way."
"You believe that they would let their two highest security prisoners out of
here?" Snape asked and finally turned to face me.
I looked him straight in the eye and couldn't help but smile. "They were dumb
enough to put our cells next to each other, weren't they?"
"He always did underestimate your abilities, though not by much," Snape
commented, adding the end bit there hastily.
We sat in silence for a while. Perhaps Snape was coming to terms with the fact
that he knew he had just a few months to live. I knew I was.
Doubts about our ability to work together crossed my mind as well. Snape was
one of the most infuriating people in the world and he hated me. Unless he
magically developed patience, there was no way we would be able to cooperate.
The only thing subduing him at that point was that he had recently been faced
with his own mortality. Surely, it would wear off quickly.
Still, there wasn't much else to do. It would be better to focus on something,
so our minds wouldn't waste away in loneliness, as my mind was beginning to.
Even if it meant that I had the company of the person I wanted least next to
me, it was still another human being.
I made the decision then to reach out to Snape. He killed Dumbledore on his own
orders. It made me wonder what that sort of thing did to another human being.
Dumbledore trusted Snape enough to murder - euthanize - him at the right time.
I couldn't help but feel shame for how I had treated the man for the past
several years. He was on our side the entire time. It was true that he didn't
make it easy and treated me and everyone else I loved like shit, but maybe if I
had been more like Hermione, more eager to learn from him, he would have had
more respect for me.
One fact I could take comfort in was that he legitimately hated me instead of
wanted to kill me. It didn't sound comforting, but knowing that he didn't like
me as a person made me feel more as though he had a better grip on himself. He
wasn't following a psycho's orders, he just didn't like me.
Maybe I could change that. Maybe I could show him that I wasn't so bad. Maybe
we could work together to escape - and maybe he would finally respect me.
"Potter?"
I snapped out of my thoughts. "Sorry, Professor. Being alone for two months
does things to you."
Snape narrowed his eyes. Then, a wave of pity washed over his face. "Potter,
you've been here for over five months."
I froze. "What?"
"It's already January."
"It can't be."
This was impossible. I had put slash marks on the ground in the corner after
every time I woke up.
If Snape was right - which he probably was - there were times when I was awake
for multiple days at a time.
Tears welled up in my eyes, but I fought the urge to let them spill over. I
couldn't let Snape see me like that.
"How will we keep track of time?" My voice was shaking, and I squeezed my hands
into fists to fight the sobs.
Snape waved his hand in dismissal. "Time means nothing anymore. For us, it just
means we're another moment closer to facing our own mortality."
**
Not knowing how much time had passed made it difficult to know exactly what was
happening. Our cells had no windows, so the only things we could count on were
meals. Unfortunately, our meals were brought to us at varying times, so we
never knew what time of day it was. We guessed days based on when we required
sleep. Not knowing how long we slept didn't help, either.
Our best guess was that about a week had gone by since I had found Snape in the
cell next to me.
We didn't talk much - not like I expected him to be chatty. When we did, I was
trying to convince him that we could form a plan together and break free from
the Manor. Snape was oddly reluctant. I suppose that I thought when someone
knew they were going to die, they would do everything they could to stop it.
Snape seemed to accept his mortality and simply wait for it.
After I woke that day - or night - I noticed that Snape was shivering in the
far corner of his cell. His back was turned to me, but I could hear his sobs.
"P-Professor?" I asked.
He replied with more shrill sobs. His entire body shook and I could hear him
gagging.
I stood up in alarm and rushed to the fencing separating our cells. "Professor,
what's wrong?"
"They're all here! They've come for me!" His screams were horrifying.
I looked around the basement. "I don't see anyone."
Then it hit me. The poison Snape was given made him vulnerable to fits of
madness.
"Make it stop!" He moaned and began pulling at his hair, ripping small handfuls
out.
A sense of urgency that I hadn't felt in ages washed over me. I didn't know
what happened exactly, but the next thing I knew, I was kneeling over next to
Snape.
He looked up at me and covered his face. "No, not her. Don't show me her right
now."
I frowned and looked around. Did he think I was a woman? Someone he knew
before? "Professor, it's me. Harry Potter."
"Potter, Potter," he murmured and then let out an agonizing moan. "He never
loved her like I did."
Something inside compelled me to put a hand on his shoulder. He shuddered at
the touch but didn't fight it. Suddenly, Snape jerked forward and grabbed my
shoulders. His eyes were completely dilated and face was tear-streaked. I kept
my hand on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't choke me.
"I never got to apologize," he said with an urgent tone. "I wanted to apologize
but I couldn't. Not then. Now, it's too late. She thinks I'm a traitor."
Whoever he was talking about didn't matter. "Professor, it's okay. She probably
knew in her heart that you were always good."
His face scrunched up and he buried his face with his hands. "Lily."
I removed my hand from his back like it was on fire. Lily? Was he talking about
my mum?
My conscience tugged at me. I wanted so badly to ask him what he meant, to find
more out about my mother's life. Yet, that would be a breach of trust. When he
went into these fits, he could tell me anything I wanted him to. That wouldn't
be fair.
Instead of asking the questions burning at my tongue, I reached out again and
placed my hand on his back, stroking it. It felt bizarre to be in this
position, comforting the person who made my life a living hell for six years. I
had to just accept the fact that things were different. Things had changed. I
had changed.
All I could think about as he cried was what he said about my mum. Was he in
love with her? A Mudblood like her? I wondered how it happened, if there was
ever a romance between them in school.
I couldn't help but shudder in disgust at the thought of my mother being
involved with him, but maybe he wasn't always like that. I knew that Snape had
been bullied and tormented in school for being different and isolated, even
poor. He didn't have the support system that I had at Hogwarts.
Maybe they had a forbidden love. Maybe they met secretly in an abandoned
classroom. It would have been the only time they had together.
I shook my head to snap myself out of my thoughts. When had I become such a
bloody romantic?
Eventually, Snape's sobs stopped and his breathing steadied. I kept my hand on
his back and found myself stroking my fingers up and down.
I wasn't sure what to do, as I didn't want to leave him by himself. I settled
down against the cell wall and rested my head against it. It was cool to the
touch, and helped calm me down as well. Closing my eyes, I decided I could rest
for just a little bit.
**
"Potter."
I opened my eyes and glanced around, then realized I was huddled in a ball
lying next to Snape. He had pushed away from me and was looking at me with
confusion.
I scrambled against the wall and tried to look normal, as though I wasn't
terrified that Snape had woken up with me holding on to him, sleeping. I
struggled to find words. "Erm."
Snape seemed very uninterested in anything I had to say. "How did you get over
here?"
"What?" I looked around and remembered that I was in Snape's cell. How had I
gotten over there?
"You used magic," Snape said with an accusing tone.
"Magic?" I wasn't sure how he wanted me to reply. "I don't have a wand."
"Don't be a complete idiot. Didn't you ever pay attention in your History of
Magic classes?"
Not wanting to start a fight, I shrugged at the other man and looked at him
with an expectant stare.
Snape made a "Merlin have mercy on me" face and continued. "Some wizards have
the ability to channel their magic without a wand. Any adult wizard who has
their Apparation license can at least do that. Other wizards can perform
nonverbal spells using their willpower instead of a wand. You managed to break
through that fencing to come over here. You also applied a Warming Charm on
me."
"Wait, how do you know it was a Warming Charm?"
Snape dropped his rather passionate tone and sat back against the opposite
wall. "Don't you think I know how to identify a Warming Charm?"
"Well - I - didn't mean that. I just meant that you were a little - erm - out
of your mind."
The man's cheeks pinkened, but he pressed on. "You have the ability to do
wandless magic, Potter. This changes everything."
My expression brightened. Was he saying what I thought he was saying?
"We can break out of here," he said.
I was overjoyed. After who knew how many weeks of trying to convince Snape that
we needed to work together and find a way out, he finally believed me. I would
see Ron and Hermione again. I would get to hug Mrs. Weasley. One of the Death
Eaters had mentioned that Remus and Tonks had a son. I would get to meet him.
Then, a concern hit me.
"Don't get me wrong, Professor, I really want to get out of this hell hole. But
- how? It isn't like I exactly have control over wandless magic."
Snape waved his hand in dismissal. "You think I don't have any experience in
training for wandless magic?"
I made a mental note to myself to stop asking Snape questions filled with
doubt, out of fear he would decide to go back to the brooding he had been
doing. "You can do wandless magic?"
"I can Summon small items in the same room with me, among basic charms, but I
was not granted the gift that you have," he replied in an envious tone.
"You'll help me?" My question sounded more like a plea and I hoped he hadn't
noticed.
"I don't have any other choice, do I?"
Looking around, I realized we were both on the ground in Snape's cell, sitting
across from each other. The conversation wasn't completely unforced, but we
weren't gritting our teeth at each other. I couldn't believe that I was getting
along with Snape.
"This won't be easy by any means. Magic is channeled out in safer portions
through a wand. You will not only need to learn how to do magic without a wand,
but you will need to be able to do it without blowing up the entire Manor."
I nodded. "I'm ready."
"Very well. First, you need to fix the broken fencing and get back into your
cell before a Death Eater comes by. As you may have noticed, we haven't had too
many visitors to our cell lately." Snape motioned to the broken fencing and
looked at me expectantly.
I stood and walked back into my cell. Focusing all of my thoughts on the cell,
I tried to repair it. "Reparo."
"Don't be an idiot. All wandless magic is nonverbal." Snape appeared almost
bored.
I raised my hands in frustration. "I didn't even realize I could do wandless
magic until just a few minutes ago!"
I tried a different approach. Instead of thinking of the words used for the
spell, I thought of the feeling Reparo gave me when I used it successfully. I
tried to recreate that feeling as I thought the word, "Reparo."
Over and over again, I thought the word to repair that fencing, but nothing
happened.
What did I expect? That I would just suddenly be able to master the ability to
do wandless magic? It took me ages to learn nonverbal spells. Surely, this was
harder.
"Don't think, Potter. Just do it!"
I stopped glaring at the broken gate and moved my focus up to Snape. "'Just do
it' is your piece of advice? A load of good 'just do it' did when you tried to
teach me Occlumency."
So much for getting along. Snape's face darkened and he fixed a glare of his
own on me. "Potter, if you had an ounce of skill, you would be able to use the
talents that were bestowed upon you. Unfortunately, you are nothing more than a
whining brat who has not even a hair of logic and critical thinking skills. I
don't know why I thought that had changed, but I should remind myself not to
bother with someone like you."
My blood was boiling. I was not a whining brat, and I did have critical
thinking skills! I had thought my way out of dozens of messes the past six
years. Snape was the fool. He didn't believe in me, and never did.
I glared at the fencing. If I could just do this one thing, maybe Snape
wouldn't continue to berate me. It didn't even move.
"Fuck!" I punched the wall and immediately clutched my hand in pain.
"If you're through with using foul language and hitting things, it would be a
magnificent idea to actually try to do some magic now."
"I would love to, Snape." I fought myself from screaming at him and continued.
"Unfortunately, your teaching methods fail to work for me, as per usual."
"And, as per usual, your piteous attempt to perform magic has failed
spectacularly."
My hand hurt. I didn't want to fight Snape anymore. I just wanted to fix the
fencing separating our cells. If the Death Eaters noticed it, we would be in
serious trouble.
I lowered my eyes and studied my hand. It was bleeding along the knuckles and
was bright red up to the first half of my finger. I thought again about the
feeling I had when I used the Repairing Charm and how the magic came out from
my wand. I thought about the color that came out of my wand and hit the broken
object. Finally, I thought about how the fencing would look repaired.
"Was that so difficult?"
My head snapped up. The fencing between our cells was fixed. I breathed a sigh
of relief and looked at Snape. "See? I could do it."
His expression was hard to read. Perhaps it was because he was fighting a glint
in his eye that clearly said he was impressed. I smiled. "You intentionally
made me angry."
"I did what was necessary. Often times, wandless magic is accidentally used
when the wizard loses control of his emotions."
"Thank you." I was impressed. Maybe we could learn to get along after all.
**
"I don't know about you, Professor, but I would like something other than a
rotten piece of ham for dinner."
Snape sat back from his cell. "Very well, then."
I stared at the small plate sitting in front of me, waved my hand over it, and
focused on a time when the ham had just been cooked.
The sound of Snape clapping caused me to open my eyes. I stared down at the
dinner plate. A large slice of fresh, heated ham sat in front of me.
My mouth watered. I hadn't eaten real food in ages, not since that summer.
Lifting the steaming piece of meat off the plate, I sniffed the air and closed
my eyes in pleasure. I took a bite and moaned. Fresh juices spilled out as my
teeth bit through it. When performing the magic, I had not taken into account
seasoning, but it didn't matter. I was eating a piece of ham I had Transfigured
wandlessly.
"Don't save it all for yourself, Potter." Snape's voice sounded more desperate
than I had heard him before.
I tore the slice in half and passed it through the fencing. "Here."
Snape stuffed the entire piece of ham into his mouth and swallowed, his face
looking as though he had just tasted the best thing on earth. After being in an
abandoned basement together for so long - our guess was a month - we cared very
little regarding how we behaved anymore.
"Do you think I could make more?"
Snape shook his head. "We don't want to make ourselves sick. This food is very
rich and we've been living off of flavored water since we've been down here."
We had been training for a while. I could perform basic first and second year
charms. The first spell I tried was Alohomora. Unfortunately, Voldemort had
warded our cells with just a bit more than a simple Locking Charm.
The idea to Transfigure food to make our meals more edible happened several
days before. Snape was the one who suggested it, after I was barely able to
stay conscious after trying some spells. I couldn't do magic without energy.
Both of us were beginning to look like walking skeletons. Our bones jutted out
of every part of our bodies and our eyes looked sunken in. While neither of us
had seen ourselves in ages, we knew how the other looked. Knowing that we could
eat real, solid food was a welcome relief.
I smiled at Snape and finished the rest of my slice of ham. "When are you going
to have me do more complicated magic?"
Snape paused before he answered. "We can't try more complex magic until you are
sure of your abilities to control how much magic you use with each spell. Once
you put on a stone or two, your focus will be better. Until then, how about you
master your culinary skills?"
I couldn't help but grin. I had learned to read Snape better. Often times, his
more offensive words were masked compliments or hiding how he really felt. It
was clear that he was impressed with what I had done, and was even using a bit
of humor. Snape had only cracked a joke once before.
"For our next meal, I want shepherd's pie."
"Don't try anything too complicated yet. I would hate for you to poison us. We
get enough of that as it is from the Dark Lord."
"I suppose I shouldn't get too cocky."
"Potter, that's the smartest thing I've ever heard you say."
I felt myself turn red. Embarrassed, I shrugged as casually as I could. It had
been ages since anyone said anything nice to me. "Thanks, I suppose. Er,
Professor?"
"I'm no longer your professor."
I had no clue what he wanted me to say to that. I tried again. "Sir?"
His lips jerked up, as though he was fighting a smile. "Yes, Potter?"
"If you could be doing anything else at this very moment, what would it be?"
Snape was silent. I had probably crossed a line, but I didn't care. If he was
the only person I would get to communicate with before I died, I felt as though
I should get to know him. Plus, if my mother had loved him once, maybe I could
figure out why. I pressed on. "I miss my friends. Ron and Hermione,
specifically. We were camping out, after we destroyed the locket. They probably
didn't even realize I was gone until the next morning. They must have been
terrified. I hope they're still looking for the final Horcruxes."
"Horcruxes? You were finding Horcruxes? That's the task Dumbledore had you set
out to do?" Snape's voice was unsteady.
"Yeah, we destroyed a good number of them. We were after Hufflepuff's cup
next."
Snape's usually angry face changed. It became softer. He looked at me with a
somber expression. It made him look far more approachable. "That man asked far
too much of anyone."
I shook my head. "I'm through being mad at Dumbledore. He understood more than
anyone else. I've learned to accept that I'm just a pawn in his game."
He adjusted his ragged robe and crossed his arms. "You are more than that, you
know."
Perhaps the ham had put Snape in a better mood than he usually was. Or perhaps
the potion was affecting him again. "Do you think so?"
"Even someone who hated you would know you were more than that. You were put in
extraordinary circumstances and came out in one piece. Albeit, you were given
much assistance, but for the past three years, you have had the weight of the
world on your shoulders. You aren't a pawn, Potter. You managed to prove that
time and time again."
"I could have used a pep talk like that from you in school."
"I wasn't dying at Hogwarts."
So his openness was coming from that. "It's strange to see you like this."
"Would you rather I call you a dunderhead and threaten to kill you in your
sleep?"
"No thank you." The new Snape was odd. He was still a callous bastard, but
every once and a while, he would go into a pleasant mood. I still wasn't
convinced the potion wasn't affecting his daily conversation skills, but I
wasn't about to complain.
"Would you answer my question? What would you rather be doing?"
I lay down on the cell floor and rested my head on my hands. One of the other
spells I had practiced was Scourgify. It wasn't quite ready to be used on a
human yet, but I had at least managed to make the floor less dusty.
Snape leaned against the wall and crossed his legs. I never thought I would see
the day that Snape would be sitting with me and having an actual conversation.
"I miss the smell of my herbs and spices. I miss the thrill of having a potion
change color just as you add a new ingredient."
"I miss riding a broomstick." Something occurred to me. "Sir, can't you fly?
Isn't that something without a wand? Can you fly us out of here?"
He shook his head. "Potter, I tried just about everything I could think of to
get out of here. We cannot escape this cell until after you learn to break down
the wards."
"How will I do that?"
"Fire."
"Fire?"
"Magically Summoned fire can break just about any spell. It isn't Fiendfyre,
but it will do the trick."
"I wish I could see my parents." My words were sudden, and even surprised me.
"I wish I could know what they were like. Like, who they really were. Everyone
talks about how smart and popular they were. My dad was loyal and my mum was
good at Charms. Who were they?"
The words hung in the air for a bit. Then, we spoke at the same time. I went to
add something hastily, to prevent him from knowing just how much I wanted to
know. "I didn't-"
"She was kind."
I sat up. "What?"
"Your mother. She was kind. She wasn't just kind to her friends, either. She
treated everyone with respect, even if she disagreed with them."
My stomach felt as though it had just been punched. "You knew her well?"
Snape seemed to struggle to find his words. "We knew each other before she went
to Hogwarts. We were friends. As I'm sure you understand, it is rather
difficult to remain friends if one is in Gryffindor and the other is in
Slytherin."
Hungry for more, I was unable to stop myself from asking questions. "Did you
try?"
"It failed, as I'm sure you managed to deduce."
It was the first time we had spoken of the time I saw into his memories. I
figured that it was better late than never. "I'm sorry for that. I didn't - I
didn't know."
"Are you sorry for doing it or sorry you found out what a complete prat your
father was?"
"Both." My voice had reduced to a whisper.
"You're not like your father, you know. Since we've been down here, you remind
me much more of her."
"I do?"
"Don't make me repeat that."
Relief flooded through me. I don't understand why I still valued Snape's
opinion. I always had. The fact that he didn't hate me made me far happier than
anything else, including the ham.
**
For the most part, Snape and I were left alone. Voldemort and his Death Eaters
were too busy terrorizing the outside world to worry about any of the prisoners
in the Manor. We had already been contained. Why bother with us?
When they did pay us a visit, it was to torture us. Bellatrix was a face we saw
regularly. She was thrilled that she had been right the entire time, that Snape
really had been working for Dumbledore.
The worst was when Voldemort came in. He would bring other Death Eaters to
watch and cheer as he tortured us with magic only he knew. He seemed to chase
the satisfaction of using the spell Snape used on me months ago, and focused on
emotional torment. I saw my parents, both happy and terrified; I saw Hermione
being tortured by Bellatrix, something I heard happened about a month ago. I
saw everyone I loved in both beautiful and horrifying situations. There was no
indicator to know if anything I saw had actually occurred, just that I missed
my friends terribly.
After one particular torture session, Voldemort had noticed that we were
gaining weight. He cut our meals more, and dropped the temperature in the
already chilly basement by 10 C.
I shivered, unable to perform any wandless magic to warm myself. Snape was
completely wrapped up in his thin robes. Since I had been held prisoner longer,
my clothes were practically ripped to shreds. They barely stayed on my body.
Instead of opening and closing the fencing that separated our cells, I put an
Illusioning Charm on it. It took me several sleep cycles to recover from the
amount of magic that took, but it held. Snape and I were able to move in and
out of each other's cells easily.
When I started shivering and frantically trying to warm my body, Snape stepped
into my cell and sat down next to me so our shoulders were touching. I looked
at him, surprised. He raised his arm, and wrapped it around my shoulders, his
robes covering the bare skin on my back. At first, I flinched at his touch. His
skin and hands were rough and cold. Then, I felt warmth. I leaned in to his
side, resting my head on his shoulder and pulling my legs under his to try and
warm myself.
I was unable to stop tears from flowing out of my eyes. Little progress had
been made in my wandless magic ability since Transfiguring the food. Voldemort
continued to dictate that he ruled over us and that there was nothing we could
do about it.
Both of us had our bad days. Sometimes, Snape would feel hopeless, and he would
refuse to talk to me. In fact, he'd snap at me if I tried to comfort him. When
I felt despair, I would cry. Snape seemed as though he had no idea how to deal
with tears.
This time, Snape rubbed circles on my back with his hand. He ran his left hand
through my hair as I sobbed into his neck.
"I'm sorry." His voice was a whisper.
I sat up and looked at him. The lines on his face were more defined that I was
used to. Chances are, it was because I had only been inches away from him
several times. The angry fire in his eyes was extinguished, leaving a soft
black smolder.
"What are you sorry for?"
"I should have been more careful not to get caught. I was trying to find a way
to free you without revealing myself."
"Snape, you couldn't have known that." I wiped the tears off my face.
"I shouldn't have let my grudge against you affect it, though. I could have
opened your cell and we could have escaped together."
I shook my head. "I wouldn't have believed you, anyway."
"You're probably right."
"I know. Plus, you had no way of knowing that you would be found out."
The body heat we were generating was finally warming me. I stopped shivering.
"I forgive you."
"I don't expect you to."
"No, I do. For everything." My voice was insistent and I pulled away slightly.
"I've had Merlin knows how many months to think about this. You have always
been looking out for me, even if you were a bit of a bastard at times. I
understand why you don't like me. All you can see is my dad. I didn't make
things any easier for you, either."
Snape opened his mouth to respond, but then gasped. A second later, I did as
well, as a blast of warm air hit us.
I had started a Warming charm.
We moved in closer to each other, desperate for just a bit more warmth.
Snape was incredibly warm and soft. I hadn't been this close to another person
in ages, and felt heat growing in the pit of my stomach. I shuddered, which had
nothing to do with the cold.
My brain began to scream at me. This was Snape, not Ginny. Not Cho. Not even
Hermione. Fuck, it wasn't even a bloke my age. My body was just reacting, that
was all. Humans were designed to want physical affection.
I wanted to move in closer, to feel the contours of Snape's face, to trace my
fingers along his body. I wanted nothing more than to taste his lips.
Nothing would come from those thoughts. Snape was next to me because we were
cold, not because he wanted to touch me. In fact, it was probably the opposite.
So what if he comforted me? He probably just didn't want to hear my snivelling
anymore.
"Potter?"
My head snapped up. "Yes?"
"Are you comfortable? You seem tense."
I shifted my weight. "I just don't want you to think this is - weird. I mean,
no matter what, it's still a little..."
Snape's expression darkened. "You'd rather be cold than touch me? Is that what
you're trying to say?"
"That's not what I meant." I ran my fingers through my hair, trying desperately
to avoid saying what I was really thinking. "This isn't strange for you?"
He pursed his lips. "I can't say this is something that ever occurred to me to
happen."
"Then don't be upset." I took a risk, and cupped my hand above his. "We're
stuck here and need to make the best of the situation, however awkward it may
feel."
He tightened his grip around my shoulder. I tensed again, but leaned into his
pull. As I slowly began to fall asleep, I couldn't help but think about how
much things had changed.
**
I noticed that Snape went into his fits of madness more frequently as the days
passed. Not wanting to ask him personal questions, I made sure that he was okay
and then avoided talking to him. He did a good amount of talking as it was. He
ranted about Voldemort, about his experience at Hogwarts, his abusive father,
and my mum.
It hurt when he started talking about my mum. He always spoke in a tone of
regret, begging her to forgive him for calling her a Mudblood, for joining the
Death Eaters, for killing her. I could tell how much he loved her once, no
matter what their relationship status was. Part of me, the lonely part, longed
to hear him beg me for forgiveness. I yearned to have him use the same wistful
tone to describe me. I was ashamed of my feelings. It did no good to dwell on
emotions that would never aspire to anything other than embarrassment.
During one of his rages, he begged someone to touch him. He uttered phrases
like, "Please," and, "I need you."
I closed my eyes and imagined it was me he was calling out to.
We never spoke of anything he may have revealed afterward. He could barely
remember what he said, and I was too humiliated with my growing infatuation to
ask about it.
He continued to train me. I was getting better at controlling the amount of
magic I used with each spell. That was really the key to breaking out of this
prison. I needed to direct fire to the bars and break the lock without putting
us in danger. Snape said that while there were wards on the door, it would be
relatively easy once we had magic on our side to get out. He spoke with
confidence, so I had nothing better to do than trust him.
After one particular practice session, I was left exhausted. I was finally
trying to create fire. It took hours to get even the slightest spark to light.
Conjuring the elements was one of the skills I had not done well with in
school. Combined with that and the thought that if I pushed too hard, I could
blow up the entire Manor, and I was a mess.
I doubled over, panting. "This is never going to work."
Snape stepped forward and placed his hand on my shoulder. I noticed that our
touches lingered longer, as though both of us were desperate for just a
fraction of physical comfort. It made me hopeful, yet I was most likely
imagining it and was slowly going mad.
"If you keep that attitude up, of course it won't. Potter, you've been put
under an enormous amount of pressure before, and in far more dangerous
circumstances, I might add. Stop the self-pity and do what I know you are able
to do."
I stood, but I noticed his hand stayed on my shoulder. My heart skipped several
beats and I tried not to let the lust show through my eyes. "Sorry."
Apologies seemed to fly out of our mouths like second nature after the Freezing
Charm incident. I was unable to decide if that new openness was productive or
not. It was clearly an act of showing vulnerability to another, but it didn't
help anything. He still made brash comments, and I still snapped back at him.
It was just that afterward, we felt bad about it.
"What are you thinking about when you are trying to make fire?"
I pulled away from his magnificent touch and sat on the ground, leaning against
the wall to regain some of my strength. "I pretend I can see the fire and what
it's doing."
Snape sat down across from me and crossed his legs. It was a position both of
us were familiar with. It was rare that we made eye contact. I typically stared
at the ground or my feet and he looked up at the ceiling. It was the only way
we could share more personal details about ourselves without feeling awkward.
This time, his stare was right at me. He didn't look away from me, forcing my
eyes up to look at him. Chills ran down my spine as he looked directly into my
eyes.
"You know how to perform a Patronus, correct?"
"Yes."
He lifted his hand and placed it on my knee. "You don't think about the spell
itself, do you? You focus on a happy memory or thought with all your heart. In
the same vein, you need to focus completely on the fire. Don't just think about
what it looks like. How does it make you feel? Focus on the sound the fire
makes."
I heard very little of what he said. Instead, I leaned forward and pressed my
lips against his.
Sweet ecstasy filled my body. It had been so long since I had touched anyone
intimately and Snape's lips were everything I had imagined and more.
After the initial moment, I realized he was not kissing me back. In fact, I
felt a set of hands shove me firmly back into the wall.
"What are you doing?" His words were harsh, but his voice was ragged and
breathy.
"I just thought -"
"You thought I wanted to be assaulted?"
I felt my face grow hot. "I thought that you would want to-"
"Potter, you are a hormonal teenager. What would you possibly think would come
from that?" He motioned at me. "In any normal circumstance, you would find me
repulsive."
"I'm not-"
"Don't even try to flatter me. I know what I am, what I look like."
He was so frustrating! I was furious with myself for giving in to my urges, but
he had clearly given me signals that indicated he would accept the kiss.
Before I could say anything else, he spoke again. "Let us forget that ever
happened. It does not do well to dwell on things of this nature, especially
since we are the only two people in here."
I gritted my teeth. "Fine."
How could I have been so utterly stupid? I was just an obnoxious hormonal
teenager who reminded him of my father. He couldn't look at me as anything
else.
I ignored whatever else he said, curled up, and closed my eyes. There was no
chance I could bring myself to talk to Snape for a while.
**
"Yes! That's it! Control it now; don't get too cocky!"
I steadied the flame between my hands. The sensation wasn't as hot as I
expected it to be. Instead, I felt the tongues of the flame tickling my
fingers. The hardest thing was to keep the ball of fire the same size. I could
feel it trying to get larger.
"I - I can't control it much longer!"
"Then extinguish it!"
I relaxed, ending the spell. The fire went out immediately and I collapsed onto
the ground, panting.
"You're ready. You were able to hold the flame steady for two minutes. That's
all we need to break down all of the warding spells on the door." Snape's voice
was filled with excitement.
I couldn't help but smile. I stood up and raised my arms in victory. "Then, you
can find an antidote to your poison."
Snape's expression changed. "Potter, you know there's no antidote for that."
I crossed my arms. So much for a positive attitude. "You managed to train me to
perform magic I didn't think I was capable of. You taught me something. Surely,
you can discover a way to cure yourself. Fuck, I'll help you do it."
He scoffed. "You would probably hinder me rather than help me, with your
potions skills."
Anger boiled inside of me. I wouldn't be responsible for another death,
especially not his. Not when I knew how I felt about it. "How can you talk so
casually about this? I don't want you to die!"
"Potter, this has been my fate for a while now. I've accepted it. Why haven't
you?"
I slammed my fist against the wall. "Because I'm in love with you!"
His eyes widened for a brief moment, but then he glared back at me. "You're
not."
I lost all control of my words. Everything I had wanted to say boiled up to the
surface. "Don't tell me what I am or am not! I've been in here with you for God
knows how long. I know what you think: that I'm settling with what I have to
work with. That's not true. You're handsome in your own way. You make me smile.
You make me laugh. Every day with you has been a new challenge. I need someone
like that in my life. So please, Snape, please, don't leave me. Not now. Not
after I've finally learned what love feels like. As soon as we get out of here,
I want to prove to you how I feel. I can't do that if you're dead."
My words hung in the air as both of us looked anywhere but at each other.
"Lily."
I grew concerned and looked up. Was he going through another fit of madness?
"What?"
"It's true that I used to hate you because you looked like your father." Snape
stepped closer to me. He had avoided getting too close to me since the earlier
incident. "As you grew older, I hated you because you remind me so much of her.
I've tried so hard to forget her."
Was he trying to tell me that he cared for me as well? It didn't even matter if
it was because he associated me with my mum. I dared to take a step forward. He
stared into my eyes and then looked away. "Thank you for being honest."
"Being down here with you has made me realize that you're not your mum." His
voice cracked. "You are your own person, Potter. You aren't just the Boy Who
Lived. Not to me."
I bit my lip. "Kiss me, then."
We were so close already that he only had to take a single step before his arms
captured me into an embrace. I looked up at him, terrified that he was going to
change his mind.
I needn't have worried. His head dipped down and he pressed his lips to mine. I
moaned and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. His mouth was warm and
comforting, yet all I could do was press onward, needing more contact.
As his tongue entered my mouth, my knees buckled. He pushed me against the wall
to hold me up, forcing my hands above my head. I groaned as he moved to press
kisses against my jawline. I fought his hands, desperate to feel more of him,
but he kept me pinned against the wall.
I pressed my head against his and captured his lips again in another passionate
kiss. Our teeth clacked against each other, but I didn't care. I was finally
getting what I wanted. Fuck, I didn't just want him. I needed him.
My hands broke free and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. He was so warm,
so skinny, so soft. My senses were overloaded. I was achingly hard. I wanted to
remember every single moment of this kiss, as though I would never be kissed
again.
Snape broke the kiss and began biting the side of my neck. "Har-ry."
His voice was barely above a whisper, but I heard him. I ran my fingers through
his hair and threw my head back, allowing him more space to completely ravage
my body.
"Please." I was barely able to force the words out of me through my panting.
"Fuck me."
"Turn around." His voice was soft, yet determined.
I turned and he guided my hands against the wall. I felt his hands slide down
my body, pausing to cup my cock, and then bringing his fingers to the seam of
what was left of my trousers. He tugged them down gently. I winced at the blast
of cold air on my body. It was rare that I removed my trousers completely.
"We don't have any lubrication, so this will be more painful than you will
expect."
I didn't care. I needed him to know just how much I cared for him. Fuck, I
wasn't even sure what to expect. "It's fine. Do it. Please."
I heard him open his robes and spit on his hand. His fingers made their way to
my arse, slicking it the best he could. It was a strange sensation, but not
unwelcome.
Then I felt his cock pressing against my opening. He took his time, slowly
moving inside of me to give me time to adjust. It burned, hurting me in a way I
never knew possible.
I felt him lean forward and press his lips to my ear. "Are you okay?"
It was difficult to form words. I spoke as though I was just learning. "Yes.
Please, move. Use me."
He let out a breath, which tickled my ears and gave me something to think about
other than the sharp pain, and began to move.
My moans were mixed in both pleasure and pain. Snape stroked my cock as he
thrust in and out of me. It was painful, yet there was a small spot inside of
me that, when rubbed, felt perfect.
He didn't last long. I hadn't expected him to; if I were in his position, I
would have done the same. As he came closer to climaxing, he sped up and began
panting. The bit of pleasure I had originally felt dissipated as he pressed
harder and harder, finally thrusting up one last time and staying there as he
came, emptying himself into me.
After a short moment of stillness, he pulled out. He frantically began pulling
me off, causing me to forget the pain from his thrusts. I pressed my hands
against the wall so forcefully, I felt my wrists crack.
"Come for me, Harry."
His hands moved easier along my cock, as precome dripped down my shaft, causing
delicious friction. I thrust up into his hand, eager for release.
I came with a cry, come dripping all over his hands. I threw my head back into
his shoulders, panting.
"That was - that was -"
"Yes?"
I sighed. "So much better than doing it myself."
For the first time, I heard Snape chuckle. The sound came from his sternum, so
low that it vibrated my body as well as his. It was perfect. That moment was
perfect. I closed my eyes, desperate to remember everything. The feel of his
flush skin against mine, the cold and rough granite against my hands. The way
Snape was still stroking my arms. Even though we were being held prisoner by
Voldemort, I had never felt safer in my life.
"We should escape after the next time they come by to feed us."
I was pulled out of my thoughts and brought back into the situation at hand.
Slowly, I nodded. "The quicker we can get out, the better."
He pulled out of me with a pop and removed his hands. I grabbed him by the
wrists before he could move away. "Wait."
"You can't possibly want to go again."
I shook my head. "Would you stay with me? Can you just hold me? Like that one
night?"
For some reason, he seemed torn. Finally, he wrapped his arm around my
shoulders and brought us both down to the ground. We leaned against the wall,
and I shifted my weight into him, curling my legs up. After we had both
adjusted, I closed my eyes, stroking his chest.
That night, I changed. I was no longer a scared boy who had been thrown into a
situation well above his means. I was a man. I was someone who not only loved,
but was loved back, despite the lack of verbal confirmation.
I was whole.
**
The next day, we waited until a Death Eater stopped by to feed us our usual
batch of rotten food. We ignored his baiting comments. The moment he left,
Snape turned to me and nodded. I closed my eyes and focused with all my might
on creating a fireball the size of a Bludger. This time, the fire came up much
quicker than before. I smiled. The sex the night before had definitely left me
feeling better.
"Remember, the first thing we need to do is find our wands. Once we've done
that, we need to get out as fast as we can."
I nodded. Even though I could do several spells with wandless magic, having a
wand opened up many more opportunities for both of us.
I stepped forward, leading the fireball to the opening of the gate that held us
in. The gate hissed and smoked for several seconds before opening. Overjoyed, I
began hopping up and down, cheering.
"POTTER!" Snape held his hands in the air. "Would you calm yourself?"
"Sorry. I just can't believe we're finally getting out!"
"We still have the door to deal with." Snape motioned to the wooden door in
front of us.
We stepped out of our cell and walked to the door. Both of us were concerned
that there were stronger wards on the door.
We needn't have worried. The door roared with flame, and then extinguished
itself. I gasped, the fire having nearly blown in my face.
"Keep the flame going; you never know when we might need it." Snape's voice was
filled with excitement.
We walked through the door, holding our breaths. I hoped that the fire had
broken down all of the wards. It seemed to have done so.
We were in a corridor. Snape walked ahead of me, glancing around to catch any
traps that may have been put up to stop a breakout. I stayed behind him,
cautious and carefully controlling the ball of fire in between my hands.
We approached a door, which opened easily. Snape led me up the stairs and
natural light hit our eyes.
It had been so long since we had seen sunlight. I winced, and struggled to
maintain the fireball's size. The heat from the sun was so different from the
simple torches that had been hung above our cells.
"They keep wands in the next room." Snape's voice was low and nervous.
I walked cautiously to the doorway to the room. We glanced around, and ran
inside. Sitting on the table were dozens of wands. When I saw my wand, I
trembled with excitement. We were finally going to make it back.
"Can I extinguish my flame yet?"
Snape shook his head and picked up his wand from the table. "Not yet."
"Can you get my wand for me, then?" I motioned to my holly wand near the end of
the stack.
He picked it up and nodded. "Let's get out of here. Remember, we need to leave
without seeing anyone else and find the Order. We cannot risk getting caught,
even if we have the opportunity to kill."
"I understand."
"Remember that if we come across Bellatrix."
We ran down to the end of that corridor, climbed another set of stairs, and
made it to the south wing of the Manor.
"There should be a door in the next room that will lead us to the grounds. Once
we make it there, you can put out the fire and I will give you your wand."
I pressed my back against the wall. "We're really doing this."
Snape reached forward and squeezed my hand. I knew it burned him, but he did it
nevertheless. "Let's get the fuck out of here."
I grinned and stepped forward. "Now!"
We ran into the next room, flung the door open, and ran out onto the grassy
field. I quickly extinguished the fireball and Snape handed me my wand. It felt
warm in my fingertips, as though it was happy to be back in my hands.
"We just need to make it to the Apparation point! The wards won't let us
leave!"
A jet of red light flew past our heads. I went to turn around, but Snape
grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me forward. "Never mind them! Just GO!"
More jets of light came flying at us. I could hear the Death Eaters yelling in
chaos.
I heard the whoosh of a spell coming straight at me. I spun to avoid it, but
tripped, falling flat on my face. I heard my ankle crack as I hit the ground.
Snape stopped and threw up a Shield Charm. He quickly performed a Levitation
spell, and kept running. We made it behind a tree, panting.
"I think it's broken." My foot hurt so bad, I felt like I was going to pass
out.
"We're past the Apparation point. Hold onto me."
I grabbed onto Snape's arm just as a spell hit him. He roared in pain as boils
covered his arms. Turning on my good ankle, I Apparated to the first place I
could think of.
We appeared inside a cave. I fell over in pain, bringing Snape down with me.
"Where are we?" Snape looked around curiously.
I sat up, trying to find a position that was more comfortable for my foot.
"We're in the cave Sirius stayed in when he came to see me during the Triwizard
Tournament."
"No one would ever guess we would be here. Impressive plan, Potter."
"Would you mind healing my foot now?" I motioned at his wand.
Snape's eyes widened. "I forgot I have a wand again."
He waved his wand quickly, and my foot was instantly fixed. I flexed it back
and forth, just to make sure everything worked fine. He did a perfect job.
"I wonder what season it is?" I looked outside.
"Based on the amount of flora out, I would guess we're in April."
The sunlight took a while to get used to. I hadn't seen it in nearly a year. I
hadn't seen the outdoors in nearly a year.
Tears poured down my face as I took in the beauty. Hogsmeade was just a
kilometer out, looking rather abandoned, but still as nice as ever. "I didn't
think we would make it out."
Snape healed the boils on his arm, and scooched closer to me. He laid a kiss on
my cheek and took my hand in his. "Neither did I."
I leaned against him. "We should probably head out now, don't you think?"
"Can we rest here, just for the night? I want to see the stars in one night of
peace."
I hesitated. "We really should go find what's left of the Order. That's what
you wanted, right?"
"Potter, I just want one night where I'm not a convicted murderer and you're
not the Savior of the Wizarding World, which is what will happen as soon as we
find them." He squeezed my hand, and stared into my eyes.
Unable to look away, I pressed my forehead against his. "Fine. As soon as we
wake up, we need to leave. Plus, we need to get you to a potions lab so you can
brew yourself an antidote."
Snape closed his eyes. "I'll do my best."
"I can't get through this without you, you know."
"Harry, let's forget about that. Let's just sit and watch the sun set."
I smiled at his use of my first name. "Fine, Severus."
He was shivering. I scooted closer to him, and cast a Warming Charm on us. We
watched as the sun set into the distance, our arms around each other.
**
At some point, I must have fallen asleep, as I shot up off the ground when I
heard Snape's cries. I cast a Lumos to see what was happening.
"What is it?"
He kept shivering and moaning, clutching his head.
"Snape, what's wrong?"
It wasn't what his usual fits of madness looked like. He was pouring sweat, his
face deathly pale. He couldn't stay still. He looked into my eyes, which he
never did when he had an episode.
He reached out for my hand. "It looks as though I had four long months. I
didn't think I'd make it to two."
I froze. "What are you trying to say?"
"Harry, I have maybe an hour left. A good part of that will be spent
unconscious."
"No. Severus, you don't. We just made it out of the Manor! We need to find the
Order, so we can stop Voldemort!"
"You'll do that. Not me." His breathing was ragged and he squeezed my hand.
I pulled away. "Just tell me what the antidote is, or at least a way to slow
the poison! I can make it, just to buy us some time."
He shook his head. Gulping, he tried to speak several times.
"What about a bezoar? Would that help?" I clenched my fists and stared at him
desperately.
He let out a shaky laugh. "You couldn't find a bezoar in time."
"So I'm just supposed to sit here and watch you die? After all that we've been
through?" My voice cracked. I fought to not cry. I couldn't let him see how
scared I was.
"Yes. I knew it was going to happen, but I couldn't tell you, not when we were
so close to escaping."
Tears flowed freely down my face. "Please, fight it."
"It's been months, Harry." He went into a coughing fit, going even more pale
and his skin grew even cooler. "It's cold."
It wasn't, as my Warming Charm was still up. A sob escaped my throat. "I can't
do this."
"Look at me."
As I lowered my eyes to look at his white face, tears dripped onto his chest.
"I can't lose you. Not now. Not after everything."
With great effort, he pulled himself forward and kissed me gently on my lips.
He lay back down with a sigh. "I want your face to be the last thing I see."
"Severus, I love you." I leaned forward and cupped his face with my hands.
His eyes bored into mine. The corners of his lips turned up into a smile. "I
love you, too."
I stroked his cheeks with my fingers, desperate to be present in our last
moments together. Little by little, his eyes began closing. "Severus, stay with
me, just for a little bit longer."
His eyes flicked open but closed again. "Don't forget me."
"Never." My voice was barely recognizable through my sobs. "I won't ever love
anyone as much as you."
He let out a breath, and his eyes fluttered completely shut.
"Severus?"
He didn't respond. I pressed my ear to his chest. I could hear a faint
heartbeat. I shook him. "Severus, please wake up." His head flopped from side
to side, but he didn't respond.
Openly crying, I stood up and punched the cave's walls as hard as I could.
"FUCK!"
My knees buckled and I dropped to the ground, sobbing. I didn't care that it
was the dead of night. The only person I had to keep me company, who went
through what I did, was dead - or was as good as dead.
I cried for Merlin knows how long, eventually curling up next to Severus and
wrapped his arms around me. He was still breathing, but just barely. I closed
my eyes, imagining that we had more time.
After defeating Voldemort, we would have settled into a house in the
countryside together. He would have opened up an Apothecary; I would have
joined up with the Aurors. Ron and Hermione would have come by to visit all of
the time, bringing along their children.
Our relationship wouldn't have been easy by any definition of the word, but our
love would have done nothing but strengthen as it grew older. Perhaps we would
have gotten married and adopted a child.
I stayed in my "what if" fantasy world until I fell asleep, completely out of
tears to cry.
**
The next morning, I watched the sunrise, staring off into the horizon and
praying that it was all a terrible dream and that Severus was fine.
He was dead.
I brought him with me as I searched for the Order. The first place I went was
Grimmauld Place. I found Kingsley and Tonks there, who were overjoyed to see me
and confused as to why I was bringing a dead Death Eater with me. I'm still not
sure how I managed to explain everything without bursting into tears again, but
I made sure they knew just how brave and wonderful a man he was.
They contacted everyone else, who immediately began Apparating to Grimmauld
Place. The reunion was wonderful. It had been nearly a year since I had seen my
best friends. Luna, Ron and Hermione had actually been at the Malfoy Manor for
a short period of time, when they had gotten captured by a group known as the
Snatchers.
Ron and Hermione explained to me that they had destroyed every Horcrux, except
for Nagini. It seemed as though they had a wild adventurous tale for the past
year. They apologized for involving the Order in my mission, but they had no
idea what to do after I was captured. I quickly forgave them and we set out to
destroy Voldemort and Nagini.
In May, our journey took us to Hogwarts, where there was a great battle.
Neville chopped off Nagini's head, all the while Voldemort killed me.
Yes, he killed me. Apparently, I have an aptitude for defenses against the
Unforgivable Curses, as I rather quickly came back to life.
I wasted no time in killing Voldemort after that. The Death Eaters were tougher
to round up.
Celebrations were thrown around the world. I went to none of them. Despite
having defeated the most psychotic wizard of the century, I still mourned for
only one man.
I was still numb. I didn't tell anyone about how intimate my relationship with
Severus was until that summer. I shared with Hermione what happened in my year
in the Malfoy Manor basement. As usual, she handled the situation delicately.
She sent me to a Mind Healer, who talked me through the trauma I had been
through, all the way back to my childhood.
A year later, I have finally been declared mentally fit to start working. I am
opening up an orphanage for those who lost their parents during the war. They
need to be raised in an environment where they are loved.
Tonight is the first time I am going out to a formal event. It's one that I put
together, to celebrate the opening of the Severus Snape Potions Research Ward
at St. Mungo's. A hefty donation will buy you anything these days.
He would have hated the name, which is partly why I chose it. Every time I see
the name, I can think of him and his reaction.
It makes sense to me that I look to the horizon and think of him. Despite how
long it took us to get out of that basement, we found freedom within each
other.
He is a man I will never forget.
                                   -The End-

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