Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/454580.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Tokio_Hotel
  Relationship:
      Bill_Kaulitz/Tom_Kaulitz
  Character:
      Bill_Kaulitz, Tom_Kaulitz, Georg_Listing, Gustav_Schäfer, Simone_Kaulitz
  Additional Tags:
      Fluff, Romance, Twincest, First_Time, Work_In_Progress
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-07-08 Updated: 2012-07-13 Chapters: 2/? Words: 2798
****** Holding Hands ******
by orphan_account
Summary
     Bill and Tom have spent their whole lives with their hands clasped
     tightly together.
Notes
     I’ve just slightly twisted the timeline in some places but I don’t
     think it’s all that noticeable it’s just the way it fit when I tried
     to write it if notice it and your inner perfectionist is screaming
     about it, I’m sorry I hope you can overlook it.
     Also I started this when I was about 16, forgive the earlier
     chapters.
***** Age 5 *****
School was the most exciting thing to happen to Bill so far in his young life
he and Tomi were so looking forward to it. They couldn’t wait to confuse
people, to play tricks and have fun. He loved looking just like his brother,
despite the fact that he would change his mind about the matter in a couple of
years, but for now having a solid reflection was the best thing in the world.
Sometimes when snuggled up with his mirror image, he pondered which one was the
refection and which was the original, Bill decided once that he was the
reflection because he was younger, that meant that Tom was the original,
especially as nothing was as cool as his brother. Ten minutes made all the
difference in the world to him. Bill didn’t think he was much like Tom, but
even if he wasn’t quite as good he was happy to be even the poorest imitation
of something so cool. No-one else had a big brother as great as his Tomi. Of
that he was sure.
This night the little twins were excitedly waiting for school to begin. They
sat inside Bill’s duvet cover like it was a tent built just for the two of
them, while they talked of the new things they were expecting to come from
school.
Bill was hoping to make lots of new friends. Tom knew he would because he was
the kind of person everyone liked; you couldn’t get away from it. (Personally
Tom was a little worried about Bill making lots of new friends because it would
mean Bill would have to share his time, and Tom wasn’t sure that he’d be able
to make friends as well as he knew Bill would.)
Tomi was eager to learn how to read better, he loved books and stories, but he
couldn’t read much yet, he always was trying to read more than he should be
able to at his age, his mummy said it was because he was a clever little boy,
the real reason was because the books he was supposed to read weren’t very
interesting, they were all about some little dog called Skip and a silly blonde
kid called Kipper.
He wanted to be able to read the books their mummy read the big ones with
dragons and knights and princesses. (Although as any young child he pulled
horrible faces whenever it got to the kissy bits while inwardly being highly
fascinated) and he loved to learn what their mother had to teach them too. As
far as he could see school was going to be a great thing. It was almost
midnight before they fell asleep with dreams of the day to come in their heads.
The next morning the boys both were woken up at 6:15 both quite sleepy but both
not caring as they shuffled around getting ready for the new day.
When they were taken to school they were both given large cones full of sweets
and school supplies grinning happily as their mother took a picture of the cute
pair. They tried to find some way of balancing the large cones in their arms
before awkwardly reaching for each other’s hands and walked into their new
class.
There were desks of other little children everywhere. Bill gave his best and
biggest grin to Tom before finding two desks together. After a few minutes the
teacher at the front stood up to greet the class.
She was a pleasant looking woman with a wide smile that showed lots of white
teeth. She had a powdery look about her as if someone had lightly dusted her
smooth skin with talc. It gave the impression of a loving grandmother who’d
been taken back in time until she was about 35 years younger. The twins
automatically loved her, she was exactly what they’d imagined a teacher should
be like, but it was later on that they realised that school wasn’t all it was
cracked up to be.
After a morning of the teacher talking about what school was going to be like
and they things they would learn in this coming year, it was story time and
after that was a break where they learned that children are the cruellest
things on the planet.
Bill and Tom quickly found a little sunny spot in the play ground in which to
sit holding hands and discussing the events of the day, all of a sudden Bill
felt a sharp pain on his forehead. Then again, quickly realising that it was a
pebble that had been thrown at him, looking towards the direction that the
offending pebble came from he saw a small gaggle of brutish boys. Tom, Always
eager to protect his ‘little’ brother quickly (but politely) called out to the
group. “Be careful where you throw stones; you’re hitting us!”
This led to a further shower of pebbles aimed at the boys.
“Why are you doing that?”
“Because you’re holding hands, and only boys and girls are allowed to hold
hands. Mummy says nasty fags like the vermin boy next door burn in hell.” Came
the garbled explanation from the leader of the thugs; a child who could have
been no more than eight years old. Had Bill and Tom met a similar child when
they were adults they would have felt the deep pain of pity and remorse for the
child so obviously mistreated, but as it was Bill and Tom being little children
were more concerned about the solid objects that were being thrown in their
direction.
Now Bill being a very young child didn’t understand a great number of these
words spoken to him, in fact he doubted that the boys who spoke them understood
them either, but he did understand that people were throwing stones at him, and
it became clearer that it was because him and Tomi were holding hands. Rather
than let go, which in all honesty didn’t occur to him at the time, they climbed
the tree together to hide from the repeated attacks until the bell rang in the
end of lunch.
Back inside the twins tried to enjoy their day again as they had before, after
all the teacher was still lovely, and they were still learning to read and
write and they got to draw pictures and all sorts of things! But the dampener
had been fully put on their day. Especially when Tom noticed that there was a
little red mark just above Bill’s left eye where a particularly sharp stone had
caught his forehead.
Tom wanted to fuss over it, but Bill insisted that he was fine. After all his
twin was there and Tom made everything better. The elder twin still placed a
soft ‘make-it-better’ kiss to the little mark anyway and promised to protect
him better next time.
When they got home at the end of the day they asked their mummy about some of
the words that the boy said to them as well as Bill gushing over how brave Tomi
had been. She didn’t tell them what they meant but she did phone the school
about the incident. The next day they were picked on again for being tattle-
tales.
Bill and Tom never much liked school after that.
Tom, in the spirit of wanting to protect Bill, suggested that maybe they should
just hold hands on the walk home instead of at play time.
Bill just smiled and held on tighter.
***** Age 7 *****
Their mum talked about love sometimes. She liked to talk about love even more
whenever Gordon had just visited. You knew when she was about to talk about it
because her eyes went a little glossy and she sighed happily before sinking
into her soft armchair. She had the answer to everything when it came to love,
and Bill loved to ask questions. He felt he understood a little of love now
too, he loved his mummy and he loved his cat but most of all he loved Tom. Then
again, that came as no surprise to anyone.
One day when he came home from school he saw his next-door-neighbour Tizzy
standing with a boy. They were standing close and Bill did not understand what
was going on. He stared as he walked in through the gate and peeked over the
fence to where the two were sat.
It looked like he bit her lip. Bill didn’t think that was very nice, he was
going to tell him to stop being mean to Tizzy because Bill liked her, she was a
nice girl from the big school in the next town and sometime she’d help him with
homework if Tomi didn’t understand it too.
But he was too scared to ask him to go away. He was much bigger than Bill and
if Bill went over there he might bite his lip too. He didn’t want that. That
looked painful. It was bad enough when he accidentally bit his tongue or the
inside of his cheek, and things were always worse when other people did them;
like not being able to tickle yourself.
He knew what to do though, if anything bad happened then you tell mummy,
because that’s what mummies are for. She could tell the mean boy to stop
hurting Tizzy. Then everything would be better.
Bill ran into the house as fast as his little legs could carry him flinging
himself bodily at the door which he knew would be open until the twins had
gotten home from school.
“Mummy!” he cried as he ran into the hallway.
“I’m in the kitchen” came the reply, “is everything alright sweetie?”
“There’s a bad boy outside you have to tell him to go away. He’s biting Tizzy’s
face!”
Simone was incredulous; she took a brief peek out of the window before breaking
into a smile.
“It’s ok Bill they’re just kissing”
“No they’re not I saw them! He bit her! You don’t bite people when you kiss
them and he’s still doing it!” said Bill climbing on a chair to look out of the
window. “You don’t kiss me and Tomi like that!”
Simone laughed warmly. “It’s a different type of kissing. It’s a special kind
of kissing. When two people love each other sometimes they’ll be boyfriend and
girlfriend, and if they are they might kiss like that.”
“What’s boyfriend and girlfriend?”
“Two people who are in a special kind of love.” stated Simone in a way she
hoped her little boy would understand.
“And everything is ok, you say?” said Bill a small confused and worried pout
gracing his young face.
“Yes, Bill, everything is ok.”
“Ok then!” chirped Bill, brightening up instantly.
Even to this day Bill thought like this he lived in a world of clear-cut
scenarios; something was either right or wrong in his mind. If it was right
then everything was right and he’d bounce around being his normal happy self,
probably eating something sugary if he could. If it was wrong then everything
was wrong and he would retreat to his and Tom’s room to hide under the duvet
until everything was right again, that usually meant that Tom had said
everything was alright, because Tom was his big brother and whatever he said
must be true.
Later that afternoon, when Tom came home from playing football, Bill was raring
to tell him all he’s seen and learned that day.
“No way!” Tom’s jaw looked as if it might detach soon his eyes wide with shock.
“Yuh-huh!” said Bill swinging his legs on the edge of the bed grinning and
nodding his head enthusiastically. “And that’s not all, mummy said that they
were boyfriends and girlfriends!”
“Woah!” exclaimed Tom not quite willing to believe what his brother was telling
him. Tom quickly glanced around their little bedroom before leaning closer to
his brother.
“Bill,” he whispered in a conspiring voice “what’s a girlfriends?”
Bill shifted his eye’s around quickly too, as if the teddy’s might hear them,
before leaning on one hand towards Tomi’s ear using the other hand to shield
what he was saying, while Tom sat and waited for the secret to be revealed
“Mummy said it’s when two people share a special kind of love.”
Tom looked a little disappointed as he sat bolt upright looking at Bill and
talking normally again.
“Is that it?” he asked
“I guess so, that’s all that mummy said.”
“But that means you’re my girlfriends.”
“Why?” said Bill highly confused. He certainly didn’t kiss Tomi like that and
no-one had ever said that he and Bill were girlfriends and boyfriends before.
“Yeah, we must be; ‘cause I love you yeah, because you’re my twin, and mummy
said before that that was a special kind of love cause not everyone has a
twin.”
Bill nodded in agreement; he felt so sad that day when he realised not everyone
had a twin. It must be really lonely if you didn’t have a twin. Who was it that
you snuggled when you have a nightmare? Who was it you shared your toys with?
The world was really unfair.
“Yeah and there is just two of us that are twins, and so we have to be
boyfriends and girlfriends.” finished Tom folding his arms wisely.
“Oh yeah. But who is who?”
“Who is what?”
“Who is boyfriends and who is girlfriends?” said Bill.
“Err, I don’t know how about we throw a coin tails your boyfriends heads I’m
boyfriends.” said Tom, pulling a shiny fifty Pfennig piece from his pocket.
“Wow where did you get that!” said Bill admiring the fortune in his brother’s
hands.
“It was on the street!” Tom said excitedly.
“Shouldn’t we hand it to the police?” another worried pout adorning Bill’s ever
worried lips.
“That’s a lot of money; someone might be looking for it.”
Tom glanced down at the coin in his hand, “That’s true.” he said looking back
at his brother.
“Don’t throw it Tomi, if you do you might lose it. Put it back in your pocket
I’ll get something else.” Advised Bill, scrambling off the bed to go and get a
Pfennig from the draw he kept his money jar in.
“Here we go.” Bill sat back down on the bed “So if it’s head’s I’m boyfriends?”
“Yep”
Bill threw the coin into the air and watched it roll on the floor, “It’s tails
Tomi.”
“So your girlfriends and I’m boyfriends”
“Ok!” chirped Bill brightly then paused. “No wait.”
“What?”
“Does that mean I have to kiss you now?” said Bill grimacing. Kissing like that
didn’t look very nice to him; in fact it looked very messy.
A similar expression appeared on tom’s face. “No we don’t,” he insisted. He
softened his voice to a low mutter “We could maybe just hold hands more.” he
said hopefully a blush tinting his cheeks.
An amused smile flitted across Simone’s soft face as she listened outside the
tiny bedroom. Her little boys were so sweet, she was almost sad that she’d have
to tell them that girlfriends and boyfriends were different things to the love
between brothers. She hated to shatter their fragile idea of adult
relationship, even though she knew she would have to eventually despite their
overwhelming sweetness. Maybe she could let them play house for an hour or two.
To this day Bill clearly remembers walking down the stairs at tea time hand in
hand with Tom announcing that he was now Tomi’s girlfriend, only that they
wouldn’t be doing that kissing thing ‘‘cause that was icky’ upon the
proclamation of which Simone could no longer keep a straight face and burst out
laughing.
“What’s funny Mama?” enquired Tom who until that moment had remained silent.
Simone stifled her giggles quickly when she saw the look on her little boy’s
faces.
“Oh sweetie, brothers can’t be boyfriend and girlfriend. That’s for people who
aren’t in the same family.”
Tears quickly sprung from the eyes of the relentlessly emotionally unbalanced
bill.
“But, but you said. You said that girlfriends and boyfriends are two people
that love each other.”
It had taken over an hour to explain a little of the adult world to the tiny
twins but they were sent to bed no longer forlorn.
They still laugh about Bill being Tom’s girlfriend sometimes. Tom always
laughed hardest because he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Bill
definitely was not a girl, despite the media’s evidence to the contrary. If Tom
was honest with himself, (which wasn’t a difficult task when it came to Bill)
no matter how sexy he thought curvy girls were, he wouldn’t have it any other
way. His brother outshone all of them.
And kissing Bill definitely wasn’t icky anymore.
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