Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/2000802.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan
  Relationship:
      Levi/Eren_Yeager, Erwin_Smith/Mike_Zacharias, Mikasa_Ackerman/Sasha
      Blouse, Marco_Bott/Jean_Kirstein, Krista_Lenz_|_Historia_Reiss/Ymir,
      Reiner_Braun/Bertolt_Hoover/Annie_Leonhart
  Character:
      Levi_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Eren_Yeager, Erwin_Smith, Mike_Zacharias,
      Mikasa_Ackerman, Armin_Arlert, Ymir_(Shingeki_no_Kyojin), Krista_Lenz_|
      Historia_Reiss, Jean_Kirstein, Marco_Bott, Connie_Springer, Reiner_Braun,
      Bertolt_Hoover, Annie_Leonhart, Hange_Zoë
  Additional Tags:
      AU, Levi!POV, Humour, Language, Snark, Angst, mild_violence, Feelings,
      First_Kiss, First_Time, Romance, Falling_In_Love, making_out_in_the
      custodial_closet, Cuddling, Fluff, Fingering, Oral_Sex, Anal_Sex,
      bottom!levi, bottom!Eren, Mild_Kink, Kink_Negotiation, Slow_Burn,
      Developing_Relationship, lots_and_lots_of_making_out, and_lots_of_shower
      sex, Age_Difference, Eren_is_seventeen, Past_Homelessness, Mental_Health
      Issues, Ensemble_Cast, Non-Binary_Hange_Zoë, strong_Levi_&_Erwin
      friendship_aspect, call_center_shenanigans, custodial_AU
  Stats:
      Published: 2014-07-22 Completed: 2015-10-18 Chapters: 31/31 Words: 106702
****** Holding Hands In The Rain ******
by twisting_vine_x
Summary
     A/N: Basically the one with thousands of words of Eren and Levi
     crushing like crazy on each other, and being absolutely freaking
     ridiculous together, and slowly falling in love against the backdrop
     of modern-day Vancouver.
     - - -
     Levi only realizes how much he’s not paying attention to anything
     around him when there are shoes beside the puddle he’s drawing. Looks
     up to find Eren standing right there in the rain, the hood on his
     jacket pulled back, and his hair plastered down against his head.
     He’s just standing there, and – he’s watching Levi with an expression
     that looks so fond it actually hurts; and Levi’s just managed to get
     his breath back and open his mouth when Eren moves closer, and Levi
     loses his air all over again.
     - - -
     (Now with gorgeous chapter_3_art by pickletea, chapter_7_art by
     cissyswonderland, and chapter_8_art by mitsucchi, and chapter_31_art
     by blaqmarquet. Thank you to all of you for being so amazing. ♥)
Notes
     Note: there are a handful of post-anime manga references in here, but
     I'm pretty sure they're only obvious if you already know what to look
     for. :)
See the end of the work for more notes
***** Chapter 1 *****
“Are you fucking kidding me.”
They’re drunk. No surprise. Erwin and Mike are in the midst of a disagreement –
an incredibly rare occurrence, as rare as snow in the middle of Vancouver, but
still not completely unheard of – and Levi’s sleeping on Erwin’s couch,
courtesy of losing another job and then losing his apartment. They were bound
to end up here, with their twelve-pack demolished, and a bottle of vodka
sitting on the table, and Erwin lying with his head on Levi’s knee. The couch
isn’t that comfortable, and Erwin’s stupidly long legs are hanging over the
side, but they’re making do.
“’m serious. You like making things clean.”
It’s more than a bit slurred, and Levi snorts and flicks Erwin in the nose,
grinning a bit when Erwin tries halfheartedly to bite his finger. They’re
grown-ass adults and they still act like idiots, which... god, it’s a wonder
either of them are able to function in society at all.Though given that Levi’s
jobless and that Erwin’s the manager of an entire office, maybe only one of
them is all that functional.
“You want me to clean toilets for you.”
“I want you in a job that doesn’t require being nice to people.”
“So you want me to clean shit.”
“Don’t you get sick of my couch?”
And – yeah, alright, Levi does. It’s comfortable enough, and he’s slept on it
for months at a time because Erwin is a saint and Levi owes him more than he’s
comfortable with – but he does like having his own bed. Maybe even a door that
locks; and he grinds his teeth a bit and twists his fingers around some of
Erwin’s stupidly perfect blonde hair. Wonders how long it’s going to take for
Erwin and Mike to make up. They always do - shit, Levi can't even start to
imagine them without each other, at this point - and it’s always a relief.
Erwin might be a stubborn bastard, but Levi knows him well, after all this
time; and Erwin’s a wreck whenever Mike isn’t around.
“So you want me to come be your custodian while you run the whole fucking
office.”
“At least you wouldn’t have to talk to anyone.”
Levi thinks about being able to clean without having to make nice with anyone.
Without having to stand behind a counter and fake happy for jackasses all day
long. Closes his eyes, and then opens them again as the room starts spinning;
and then he's giving Erwin’s hair a tug when he realizes that Erwin is grinning
again, where he’s lying against Levi’s knee; but he’s right. Levi’s degree has
been worse than useless, and his stuff is in a box at foot of Erwin’s couch.
It’s not like he has much choice.
“Fine. But I’m not wearing some stupid uniform.”
Erwin’s continued grin isn’t reassuring, and Levi closes his eyes again, the
room still spinning a bit around him.
He’s just agreed to scrub toilets for a living. Talk about living the fucking
dream.
- - -
He makes it through one day of training – before the head custodian deems him
ready to work on his own, and says that Levi won’t be seeing him after this;
which Levi is just fucking fine with – and one whole hour of solitary work
before he marches into Erwin’s office and tells him that he’s quitting; and
Erwin, the bastard, laughs right in his face, before putting Hanje in temporary
command, and helping Levi to figure out what the fuck to do about the toilet
that some douchebag had decided to fill with paper for fun. Manager of the
whole fucking office, and Erwin’s down on his knees with his hands wrapped in
layers of gloves, fishing paper out of the damn toilet; and Levi grits his
teeth and doesn’t say anything else about quitting. Not yet, at least. This
isn’t the first time Erwin’s taken a chance on him – but, maybe, this time Levi
won’t completely fuck it up.
- - -
It takes Levi all of day to realize that this is the gayest office he’s ever
worked in.
He spends his entire day going out of his way to not meet people, but Hanje’s a
monster who insists on at least pointing to people and naming them, even if –
thankfully – they know better than to try to actually introduce him; and Levi’s
brain starts matching up names and faces without him really trying. It’s pretty
much impossible for him to not notice things, as he wanders around the entire
office; and by the end of the day, Jean and Marco have spent their lunch break
snuggled up on a couch, their fingers laced the entire time; Mikasa’s fed
potato salad to Sasha off a spoon; Ymir's kissed Historia on the cheek so many
times it’s a wonder they’ve gotten any work done; Bertolt's looked like he was
about to blush himself to pieces when Reiner and Annie had sidled up on either
side, with a hand on each leg – and that’s not even mentioning the fact that
Erwin and Mike are stupidly in love, for all that Levi knows that Erwin has
kept that secret from the rest of the office. Hell, the only people whose names
he learns who don’t seem stupidly smitten with someone are Hanje – Levi’s never
seen them fall for anyone, but he’s pretty sure it’d be a sight to see – and
someone named Connie; and while the office has a staff of about fifty other
people, Levi’s pretty sure he hasn’t been in an environment this queer-friendly
since his university days. It's a thought that's still with him as he finishes
wiping the cafeteria tables and goes to lean up against Erwin’s door.
“This is the gayest office I’ve ever worked in.”
Erwin doesn’t even look up from his paperwork, smirking down at it instead.
“I advertised at a local queer youth home. Promised a safe work environment.”
“Of course you –”
“Most of these kids are runaways. Figured it might do them some good.”
Erwin fucking Smith, savior of missing kittens and lost humans everywhere. Levi
very carefully ignores the way it makes something warm bloom in his chest.
“Ever the hero.”
“Lucky for you.”
“You can go suck a fucking lemon.”
Erwin’s barely finished grinning at him before there’s a knock from behind
Levi, and he turns to find – christ. That’s one beautiful teenager. Shit.
Shitshitshit – he grinds his teeth as the kid stares at him, and then manages a
smile that looks a bit pained, and – Levi needs to stop staring. Clasps his
hands behind him – christ, the kid’s hair; it’s like fucking anime hair – and
moves aside as the gorgeous guy in front of him steps into the office, his gaze
going almost apologetically to Erwin.
“I – sorry to interrupt. I just –”
“No, no – come on in, Eren. Levi’s got some toilets to scrub, anyway. Don’t
you, Levi?”
Levi can’t think of anything to say. Doesn’t have a comeback. Settles for
glaring at Erwin before he turns and leaves the office as fast as his legs will
carry him, and – fuck. Levi does not need this.
- - -
By the time Levi re-emerges from his supply room – and, no, he wasn’t hiding
while his dick calmed down; he was just rearranging all the cleaning supplies
so that they made more sense – the situation has gotten worse; because the
gorgeous kid is sitting in the cafeteria passing an ice cream cone back and
forth between himself and a second guy his age, who has blond hair and big blue
eyes; and Levi promptly beelines it for his little custodial closet and shoves
his forehead against the wall, locking the door and wondering how the fuck this
shitshow ever became his life.
- - -
Levi gets through the first week by sheer will power.
Somewhere around Wednesday afternoon, Erwin and Mike make up – Levi knows,
because Erwin unceremoniously banishes him to the Starbucks around the corner;
and Levi would complain about it, but he’s still sleeping on Erwin’s couch and
eating Erwin’s food, so he doesn’t have much ground to stand on. Instead, he
spends the early part of the evening on his laptop, before going for a long
walk down by the river, and then crawling back onto Erwin’s couch around
midnight, when he’s decided that he’s given them enough time to have all the
loud make-up sex they want. Spends the next day dragging his exhausted ass
around the office and glaring at anyone who comes too close – other than Hanje,
who merely smirks at him when he tells them to piss off – and reaches Friday
afternoon with his box of latex gloves already almost empty and his back aching
from mopping the goddamn floors every day; and he ignores everyone until he
reaches his last break, two hours before his shift ends – and then slips out
the back custodial exit and runs straight into the stupidly attractive teenager
with the big green eyes, who blinks at him for a second before he – smiles? The
kid is smiling at him. Which is weird, because Levi knows that he’s glaring.
“Levi, right?”
Something is wrong with Levi’s voice. Which is fucking stupid, because the
kid’s not that hot – except he really kind of is. And Levi's maybe been
watching him around the office. Watching him smile at everyone and share his
food with his little blonde boyfriend and help everyone with their work and –
alright, so maybe Levi has a bit of thing for the kid. Maybe he was smitten the
minute he watched Eren catch a spider and let it outside, smiling down at the
little creature like it was the cutest thing he's ever seen. It doesn’t change
the fact that he’s probably half Levi’s age.
“And you are?”
“Eren. Nice to meet you.”
Eren sticks his hand out, still smiling, and Levi tries to ignore the fact that
Eren knows his name. Tries to ignore how soft Eren’s palm is. Fucking call
agents. He’s still not sure whether he’s got the better job or not. The whole
situation feels like hell. He just takes his hand back and doesn’t say anything
else. Eren’ll get it, quick enough. Levi doesn’t have the energy for verbal
gymnastics with an adorable little twerp who has a boyfriend and a gorgeous
smile. And his back is fucking aching, jesus.
“Erwin get you a job here?”
Christ. The kid does want to talk. Levi just shrugs, and hopes that that does
it. The last thing he needs is anything that will feed into this crush. And his
break’s almost over, and he’s tired, and he wants to be alone; and he ends up
girtting his teeth when Eren frowns at him, but in a way that looks more
quizzical than anything else. Opens his mouth – and then seems to think better
of it, as he closes it again, before giving Levi another little smile that
really shouldn’t be making Levi’s stomach all achy.
“Anywho, I should bring Mikasa some tea. See you around?”
“Sure.”
It’s not the correct response at all, but Eren grins at him and slips past him,
brushes up against his sleeve as he opens the door and goes back inside; and
Levi closes his eyes. This is so stupid.
- - -
And the thing is – Levi really isn’t good with people.
Erwin, the psychoanalytical bastard, has used words like ‘trust issues’ and
‘past trauma’ and 'anxiety', whereas Levi – who’s pretty sure he knows himself
better than Erwin does; though after their many years together, and all the
shit they’ve been through, it might be a close call – prefers to think of it as
just not having enough energy to deal with other human beings. It’s not that he
can’t have a conversation – he can talk circles around people, when he chooses
to – it’s that he doesn’t want to. People are cruel, and people are idiots.
Time and again – starting with his adoptive father, and continuing with every
person who’d ever kicked him when he’d already been down – he’s had that truth
drilled into him. Erwin and Mike and Hanji have been the very few exceptions to
that. Levi had been twenty-eight and jobless and homeless and just about ready
to consider turning tricks for a living when Erwin had swerved to avoid a drunk
pedestrian and ended up crushing Levi’s bicycle instead, where it had been
chained up against a fence; and, three hours later, when Levi had arrived,
Erwin had still been waiting there to apologize and offer to buy him a new one.
All it had taken was Levi asking for just the money instead – along with a
crack about how Erwin’s shitty driving would let him eat for a week – and Erwin
had flat-out offered him a couch to sleep on.
Seven years later, and he’s still sleeping on a damn couch, though Levi's
managed to cling to his own apartments, at times, living with strangers and
trying to not go out of his mind; and Erwin's moved since they first met, too.
Worked his way up the call center ladder and moved into downtown Vancouver,
into a one-bedroom apartment that looks over the Georgia Strait – and Levi is
pretty sure he doesn’t actually want to leave, no matter how uncomfortable the
couch is. Tries to not think about the way he's crashed here and then tried to
get back up on three separate occasions, at this point. Thinks back to when he
was in his twenties and getting his oh-so-useful visual arts degree on his
older boyfriend’s dime – the only thing the mean bastard had been good for, and
the only reason Levi had put up with his bullshit for his four long years of
studies – and wonders, for a moment, how he ever ended up here, instead.
“You’re brooding.”
“Can smell that, too, can you?”
He doesn’t have to turn around and look at Mike to know that he’s grinning.
Waits until he can hear the big blonde giant opening the fridge and the
cupboards before he sucks it up and turns away from the window – god, the view
of the river and the mountains is fucking spectacular – and goes to join him.
Ends up eating cheerios while Mike and Erwin sit there in their stupid fluffy
housecoats looking so fucking domestic Levi wants to bang his head against the
table, his chin coming to rest in his hand when Erwin pours Mike’s orange juice
for him – no pulp, just the way Mike likes it.
“You two are disgusting.”
“You just wish you were as cute as us.”
“I really don’t.”
Erwin’s smiling, though, so Levi counts it a win. Finishes his cereal and
decides to get out of their hair. It’s his first day off in five, and, as
exhausted as he is, he’s going to actually go outside today. It’s the least he
can do, considering his current living arrangements. He’s already mooching off
Erwin – again. The last thing he needs to do is be a cock-blocking bastard on
top of that.
- - -
Levi spends his Saturday – his one day off until fucking Thursday – sitting
down by the river and drawing the incoming float planes. Ends up managing a few
things that he’s happy with, and then crumples up the rest and throws it into
the recycling. Goes for a walk – trying to ignore all the happy couples that
seem to be everywhere – and eventually buys himself a six-pack with the little
bit of money he still has saved, before he wanders back to Erwin’s apartment
and curls up on the couch with his beer and his laptop. The apartment is empty
and completely silent, which means that Erwin must be over at Mike and Hanje’s,
though a quick check of his phone reveals a message from each of them inviting
him to join them; and he wavers, for a moment, but he’s already got beer and
he’s too comfortable to move, and he has to clean toilets first thing in the
morning. God, his life is stupid.
The thought hurts a bit, and he grits his teeth and cracks his beer and logs
into Erwin’s Netflix account, looking for something that will distract him
until his stupid non-stop brain finally lets him fall asleep for the night.
- - -
It takes one sweep of the office the next morning for Levi to realize that
someone’s helping him out.
All the chairs in the cafeteria are pushed in. The sink is clear of dishes.
None of the bathrooms have any toilet paper on the floor. And someone’s already
taken the mat out of the lobby and put it outside, which is the first thing
Levi does every morning. It’s enough to leave him blinking in shock, and then
he swallows a growl and considers bee-lining it for Erwin’s office, before
remembering that Erwin’s in some big important meeting with Pixis all day; and
it's enough to make Levi decide to just suck it up and get to work. If
someone’s doing this to screw with him, he’ll figure it out soon enough.
- - -
Of course, it just so happens to be a day that Eren’s working; and while the
kid might not be a team leader like Mike or Hanje, he damn near acts like one.
It’s about the time that Levi watches Eren comfort a call agent who looks like
he’s close to tears – probably over some jerk on the other end of the line –
that he realizes that he’s probably been watching Eren a little too closely
since about day one. Goes back to sweeping the kitchen and tries to ignore the
way Eren and his boyfriend and a swarm of their friends spend their break
sitting on the curb, drawing on the sidewalk with fucking chalk. It does
nothing to make Levi feel any less old; and by the time the day’s over and he’s
walking down the sidewalk – Erwin’s not yet free to drive him, and the closest
bus stop that Levi knows of is decent distance away – he’s aching down to his
bones. He’d considered himself in pretty good shape before this – he likes the
way he looks, at least – but a week of mopping floors and hauling garbage bags
has absolved him of that particular notion; and everything hurts. He hurts and
he’s tired and he just wants to lie down.
"Done for the evening?”
Levi doesn’t realize that it’s directed at him until he almost walks into Eren.
Looks up from his feet and stares at him. The kid is leaning up against a
lamppost, his hands at his sides; and Levi tries to ignore how long his legs
are. Tries to forget the fact that Eren had spent his lunch break helping one
of the younger call agents with what looked like honest-to-god high school math
homework, because Eren seems to be a saint of a person who does his best to
help out everyone around him; and Levi's just barely opened his mouth before he
closing it again as Eren smiles at him, straightening up against the lamppost.
“Fancy a cup of coffee?”
“I – what?”
Eren just shrugs, still smiling, and – what the hell is going on here? How did
Eren even find him?
“Where did you even come from?”
“Heading for the same bus stop you are, probably. Caffeine sounds mighty good,
though.”
“And you figured you’d just invite the janitor along?”
“Well, given that I think the janitor in question is really damn cute – yeah, I
guess I did.”
His lips twitch, as he says it; and Levi’s legs feel like lead, and something
is swooping low in his stomach, and – Eren’s still smiling at him, and Levi’s
mouth has gone dry, and – Erwin’s going to fucking kill him if he says yes.
Hell, Eren’s boyfriend might try to kill him, too. Unless Levi’s been an idiot
about that.
“You’re not with blondie?”
“Armin. And you wouldn’t be the first to think so.”
“Must be pretty damn good friends, then.”
“Says you. I’m still not sure I haven’t just asked out my boss’ boyfriend.”
The idea’s only ludicrous because Levi’s been right there for the last seven
years, watching as Erwin had slowly fallen ever more in love with the blonde
giant who's always managed to make Erwin smile in a way that nobody else can.
From the outside, though, Levi knows what he and Erwin look like. Shakes his
head, and watches as Eren’s smile pulls higher.
“Then – coffee? Unless you’re not interested, or you’re straight, or taken, or
whatever. And then I’d still be happy to go on a friendship date, in that case.
Whatever you’d –”
“You’re pretty fucking sure of yourself for a kid.”
“And you’re pretty fucking snarky for a guy who just got offered free
caffeine.”
“I want a doughnut, too. And a croissant.”
“Shall I piggyback his highness there, too?”
Levi’s heart is slamming. His chest hurts. His palms might actually be
sweating. This – doesn’t happen. This is why he doesn’t talk to people. Once he
actually starts talking, his sharp tongue and his real personality and his
snark start coming out; and most people scowl at him and piss off. Most people
don’t give as good as he does. No one gives at good as he does. And yet Eren is
– smirking at him. Looking like he could do this all night. And Levi’s finding
it hard to breathe.
“Doubt... doubt you could even carry me.”
“Shall we test that?”
“And end up with me on my ass?”
“I wouldn’t drop you.”
“No fucking –”
“Would make for a hell of a first date memory, though. Trust me?”
“Trust – I don’t even know –”
“I’d offer to let you carry me, but I doubt you could, so – there’s that.”
There’s a blatant sweep of his body, at that, and Eren’s still smirking at him;
and Levi’s heart is going to slam out of his chest. He straightens and grinds
his teeth. He’ll figure out the kid’s age later.
“Climb on, then, you jerk.”
“Oh, so he can be goaded.”
“You’re a little –”
Eren steps forward, and Levi bites his tongue. Sucks in a breath as Eren stares
at him – Levi’s stomach does something painful – and then Eren glances around
and climbs up on a bench, and... this is actually happening. Levi couldn’t give
a fuck what the people around them think; but, somehow, he’s surprised that
Eren doesn’t, either. Ends up staring up at him as Eren beams down at him like
an idiot.
“You’re actually serious.”
“Am I gonna just have to stand here all day?”
The people around them are staring, now, and Levi hasn’t felt this good in – a
long time. Doesn’t miss the flash of – surprise, maybe? – on Eren’s face when
Levi turns, putting his back to him, which... maybe he thought Levi wouldn’t do
it? Whatever the case, Levi swallows and just barely stops himself from jumping
when a hand settles on each of his shoulders.
“Ready?”
Levi nods, and then staggers when Eren just jumps right up on him. The kid’s
heavier than he looks, and Levi ends up teetering when Eren damn near tries to
climb him, legs scrabbling for purchase as his sides, and –
“Legs – shit. Legs around me, you little –”
There are legs around his waist, suddenly, crossed in front of him, and Levi’s
got his arms hooked underneath Eren’s knees, holding him in place, and Eren’s
got his arms around his neck, and he's - laughing. Laughing right into his ear,
laughing so hard it’s vibrating through Levi’s entire body; and Levi’s barely
breathing, and Eren’s warm and solid, and Levi really shouldn’t be doing this.
“Figured you’d chicken out.”
It’s panted against his ear, and he can hear Eren grinning, and the people
around them are very determinedly not looking at them; and Levi feels lighter,
suddenly, than he has in a long time. Tightens his grip on Eren and steps
forward, affection lancing through him when Eren squeaks and scrabbles for
better purchase, still laughing against his neck and Levi shouldn’t be doing
this – but he doesn’t care. He just hoists Eren up a bit higher, and swallows
when Eren latches on even tighter.
“Figured wrong, kid. Now hold on while I try to not kill us.”
“I’m all yours.”
It’s low breath against his neck, and Levi takes another step, sudden
apprehension flashing through him, because he’s possibly getting in over his
head here, but – he’s piggybacking a beautiful boy down Main Street in broad
fucking daylight. For now, the consequences can go fuck themselves.
- - -
They sit at Tim Hortons until midnight.
Fucking midnight.
Eren orders him his coffee and croissant and his stupid doughnut, and then
proceeds to sit there and drink his tea with just a little bit of milk, please,
all night; and Levi thinks back to his university days of drinking nothing but
straight black tea. Wonders when the fuck he became so coffee dependant. Spends
the entire evening staring at Eren’s stupid beautiful face. Learns that Eren
and Armin and Mikasa had met long before they all ended up at the youth home
that most of Erwin’s employees have come from. Learns that Eren’s mother has
passed away, and that his father left. Learns that Mikasa is like a sister to
him, and that Armin is like a brother to him, and that the three of them spend
a lot of time making trips out to the ocean, renting a car and traveling to the
furthest corners of Vancouver Island. Learns that Eren doesn’t have an artistic
bone in his body, but that it doesn’t stop him from singing, no matter how much
it drives everyone around him crazy. Learns that Eren spends his free time
volunteering at an animal shelter, whenever he’s not at work.
For six hours, they sit there and eat crap food and put far too much caffeine
into their bodies, and the kid just sits there and tells him his life. Doesn’t
seem to care that Levi barely gives him anything back. Needles for details, but
doesn’t seem upset when he doesn’t get a lot. Snarks right back at him when
Levi starts it, and then gives him little smiles that make Levi’s bones ache,
and... Levi is too old for this. He doesn’t dare to ask Eren’s age, either.
He’s living at a damn youth shelter. That’s more than telling enough - and this
is going to be a one-time thing. They are going to spend one night loitering at
Timmies like a couple of delinquents, and then Levi is going to go back to
Erwin’s and smother himself with a pillow for a bit, and then that’s going to
be the end of it. This is not going to happen again.
Eren walks him home in the rain.
Neither of them has an umbrella, and they’re both soaked by the time they reach
Erwin’s apartment, and... Eren doesn’t try to kiss him. Just stares down at him
in the rain – his soaking hair plastered to his stupidly attractive face – and
keeps his hands to himself. Thanks him for the night, gives him another little
smile, and – when Levi doesn’t say anything – turns and walks off.
Levi stands there, freezing, in the rain. Then, he goes inside, leaves his
boots at the door, and goes straight into the bathroom. The apartment is
silent, and he drops his soaked clothes on the floor, turns the shower up as
hot as he can stand it, and takes a moment to hate himself before he gets a
hand around himself, leaning his forehead against the cool wall, and trying
desperately to keep on breathing. His stomach is fluttering, though, and his
heart is hammering, and every vein in his body feels like it's been lit up,
arousal and something that feels horribly overwhelmed all shattering through
him all at once; and he ends up stands there under the scalding spray until he
comes so hard he has to cling to the slippery shower wall, his skin burning all
over and his stomach tied in knots, and his heart hammering at the memory of
Eren's ridiculously kind smile.
***** Chapter 2 *****
His phone is ringing. Why is his phone –
Levi only realizes he’s fallen off the couch when he’s already on the floor.
Lies there and stares at the ceiling until his phone stops ringing. Doesn’t
move when Mike comes padding into the room, looking a bit like a Greek god in
nothing but the fluffy cotton pyjama pants that Erwin bought him. Levi can’t
even hate him for it. He’s too distracted by the fact that his spine is aching.
“Levi?”
“Fuck.”
“Are you –”
His phone starts ringing again, where it’s ended up several feet away on the
cool tile floor; and Levi swallows back a groan as he pushes himself up. He may
have hit his elbow on the coffee table. It certainly feels that way. Doesn’t
realize his eyes are closed until he opens them to find Mike sitting down on
the couch, Levi’s phone in hand. Levi takes it and closes his eyes again. Rests
his head against the side of the couch beside Mike’s leg. Hopefully he didn’t
wake Erwin up, too.
“What.”
“Oi, Levi. One of the toilets –”
“I don’t care.”
“You’re the –”
“I’m not a fucking plumber. Jesus, Hanje. Call –”
“I already did, but I can’t watch over both the phones and the flooding toilet,
Levi. I’m sorry, but –”
“I hate you.”
“Sorry, man.”
It sounds as truly apologetic as Hanje’s ever probably going to get, and Levi
hits end. Checks the time on the phone – 5:56 am – and doesn’t even try to move
until Mike unfolds his massive body from the couch and holds out a hand. Closes
his eyes and lets Mike tug him upright. For a moment, all Levi wants is a hug
from the giant arms and shoulders standing beside him – which is stupid, so
very stupid; but everything hurts and he’s just so fucking tired – but Mike
steps away.
“I’ll drive you in.”
Levi manages a nod – Mike’s got a green light to drive Erwin’s car whenever he
wants – and Mike gives him a sympathetic smile before he leaves, and – Levi
rubs at his eyes with his hand. He’s already in jeans and a sweater. Fuck
getting changed or having a shower. And he can brush his teeth once he’s got
the toilet fixed. Eren doesn’t normally work the morning shifts, anyway.
- - -
By about 8 o’clock the toilet has stopped flooding and the plumber is gone, but
the washroom floor is soaked with water from one end to the other; and Levi’s
head feels fuzzy as he tries to clean it up, his back aching as he drags the
mop through the water. This was supposed to be his day off.
“Shitty morning, huh.”
Levi closes his eyes. This isn’t fair. Opens them again, and – he’s still in
the same clothes he was wearing the night before, when they were at Timmies.
There’s probably at least one coffee stain on them. He’s thirty-four years old
and holding a mop. His breath smells awful – and Eren looks young and beautiful
and wide awake, his hair perfect and his eyes bright, and – it’s just not fair.
“Uh, my shift doesn’t start for a bit yet – want some help?”
“Not your job.”
“Well, no. But neither’s hanging out the mat in the morning, or organizing the
cafeteria chairs, but that hasn’t stopped me from shamelessly trying to flirt
with you by lessening your work load.”
“So you think that doing more of the housework is going to get you laid.”
“Figured it couldn’t hurt.”
And Eren – despite the cocky words, and despite the way he’s still giving as
good as he gets – Levi’s pretty sure he’s blushing. Actually, he is blushing. A
splash of pink across his cheeks; and if Levi wasn’t so exhausted, that would
be enough to get his dick going. As is, he feels his stomach pull tight and his
heart skip; and he passes Eren the mop. Feels it all throughout his body when
their fingers brush. Loses his air when Eren smiles at him, and Levi – his
mouth is like cotton. He feels like shit – knows he probably looks even worse –
but Eren doesn’t seem to care.
“I’m gonna go brush my fucking teeth. I expect this all cleaned up by the time
I get back.”
“Yes, sir.”
It’s cheeky, and he even gets a salute with it – but Eren’s still smiling at
him, in a way that looks fond; and Levi turns and leaves, trying to breathe
through the stupid butterflies in his stomach.
- - -
Between the two of them, it only takes ten minutes to mop up all the water.
Ten minutes of Levi practically falling asleep on his feet while Eren chatters
on about something that he and Jean are bickering about – and it should be
annoying, but it’s not. It fills the silence, and Eren doesn’t seem to expect
any kind of response. Just rambles on, and then hands Levi his mop when they’re
done. Gives him a final smile before he goes to the phones; and it’s all Levi
can do to put the mops into the custodial closet and make his way to the bus
stop. Dozes on the trip back to Erwin’s apartment, and only remembers when he
gets there that Erwin and Mike have left for an overnight business trip to
Coquitlam, and that Hanje’s in charge of the office. It’s suddenly weird to be
there alone; and he stands in the living room and stares around at the empty
apartment, before stripping out of his filthy clothes and faceplanting onto
Ewin’s bed in nothing but his boxers. Wraps the blankets around him – and if he
falls asleep thinking of Eren finding ways to help him keep the building clean,
nobody else ever has to know.
- - -
Levi wakes up later that afternoon to a facebook message from Eren.
Sorry for the random message. Did a little unrepentant facebook creeping. You
seemed pretty miserable this morning, so I just figured I’d send this along, in
hopes of making you smile.
It should probably be weird. It’s not. And while the video – a bunch of kittens
being adorable, as kittens are wont to do – doesn’t quite make him smile, it
does warm something inside him; and – Levi sits there in his boxers for about
ten minutes, blankets bunched around his knees as he stares at the screen,
until he caves and sends a friend request. Feels like a teenager, suddenly.
Wants to punch himself in the face when Eren accepts about five minutes later,
because he’s got a bunch of photos of himself and Mikasa and Armin frolicking
together at the ocean; and Levi damn near chews his lip off at the sight of
Eren in nothing but swim shorts. Shoves his burning face into his hands and
hates that the only thing that stops him from jerking off is the fact that he’s
in Erwin’s bed. Eren’s a teenager. A shitty little teenager who lives at a
youth home, and – and who sends Levi videos of kittens to make him feel better.
Who saves insects and doesn’t eat meat and drinks tea like it’s water and
volunteers at an animal shelter and who thinks that helping Levi clean is a
viable form of flirting. Levi needs to be running in the opposite direction.
Instead, he starts typing.
Cute. I like puppies more, though.
I’ll make sure to find a more appropriate video for his highness next time.
You’d better. How’d your shift go?
Better now that it’s done. Wanna go play at the park?
You really know how to spoil a guy.
The only response he gets to that is a big stupid smiling emoticon, and Levi
takes a deep breath. His chest is sore and his hands aren’t quite steady and he
barely knows this kid. This is so stupid.
I need a shower first. Meet you in a couple of hours.
Awesome. Is Charleson Park alright?
Again with a ridiculous smiling emoticon, and Levi swallows and sends him a
confirmation, before they trade numbers, and then he logs off before he can say
or do anything stupid. Only realizes how exhausted he still is when he goes to
stand, and ends up sitting on the side of Erwin’s bed. For a moment, all he
wants to do is lie back down – shove his face into the pillow and not move
until the end of time – but he doesn’t. Tries to not think about how long it’s
been since someone – other than Erwin or Mike or Hanje – won out over Levi’s
need for sleep and solitude; because in that direction lies madness. Levi’s
thirty-four. He knows better than this.
He obviously doesn’t, though; because after his shower he spends a good twenty
minutes figuring out what to wear. Stands in front of the mirror and wonders
when he became a teenager again. Finally settles for jeans without holes in
them, and a dark green hoodie. Eren’s seen him just out of bed, un-showered,
un-caffeinated, and with moss practically growing on his teeth, cleaning up
toilet water off the floor – at this point, Levi probably couldn’t look any
worse if he tried.
- - -
It’s a dog park.
A dog park.
Something in the vicinity of Levi’s chest is hurting, and Eren’s grin is so
bright it’s nearly blinding.
“Well, you did say that you like puppies.”
“I – right.”
And he’s got – nothing else. Something is wrong with his voice. They’re looking
out over a bunch of frolicking dogs and puppies, and Levi is probably going to
get a chance to pet some of them, and Eren looks painfully good in his dark
blue jeans and a black hoodie, and – Eren’s arm brushes against his, as he
moves in a bit closer; and Levi closes his eyes. Can’t remember the last time
being near someone hit him this hard.
“Levi? Are you –”
“I really need to know now how old you are. Before this goes any –”
“Seventeen. And whatever you’re thinking, guaranteed I’ve thought of a counter-
argument.”
Seventeen. Christ. It’s about what Levi was expecting, but it doesn’t make it
better. Doesn’t help much, either, that Eren apparently sat down and planned
for this conversation. If anything, it just makes it worse, because Levi is
going to have to stop this before things go any further. Opens his eyes to find
Eren looking nervous – and Levi’s pretty sure he’s never seen that look on him
before.
“Look, before you –”
“You are half my age –”
“And we both like the same types of music and we’re both vegetarians and we
both like dogs and we both like playing chess and your sense of humour is
sarcastic as fuck and I really appreciate that –”
“Eren –”
“And you’re quite honestly the hottest guy I’ve ever known and you give awesome
piggybacks and could you please at least let me kiss you before you decide to
dump me before we even get started?”
This really isn’t the time or place to be doing this. There are people
everywhere. There is a dog nudging at Levi’s knee. And Eren – looks all of his
only seventeen years, suddenly. Looks wide-eyed and nervous and unsure, for
probably the first time since Levi met him – and if he lets Eren kiss him,
he’ll probably end up breaking the kid’s heart. Or maybe it’d go the other way
around.
“I mean, you want me to back off, I will, of course. I just – and I know you’ve
only just met me, but –”
“I’m twice your age. I have the personality of a rotting tomato. Why the hell
would –”
“Your ass looks fucking spectacular in those old jeans you clean in?”
“Eren –”
“Dude, you piggybacked me down Main Street in broad daylight, and then sat
there for hours while I talked your goddam ear off. Hours. And I – I just –
most people want to fuck me and walk away, and you – you actually listened. And
it’s been – a long time since someone did that.”
And – Eren’s not looking at him, anymore. His eyes are on the ground, where the
dog has started to smell around his shoes; and maybe Levi’s not the only one,
here, who’s gone and managed to get himself way too fucking invested, way too
fucking quickly. Maybe he’s not the only one who feels like he’s been alone
forever. Watches as Eren sticks his hands into his pockets, his mouth twisting;
and all Levi wants is to take the little shit’s hand and go around petting dogs
with him.
“I – sorry. I tend to – leap, without looking, I guess. That was probably way
too –”
“If I do anything you don’t want, at any time – if I push you in any way, you
will tell me. Got it?”
It’s the wrong thing to say. It’s the opposite of what he needs to say. But
it’s worth it for the way Eren’s face does something that looks like the damn
sun coming up, and – Levi’s pretty sure he could watch this kid smile at him
for the rest of his stupid life and not get sick of it. Manages to roll his
eyes, somehow, and step away before Eren can try to kiss him in the middle of
the dog park.
“Don’t look so excited. A couple of dates from now, you might decide that I’m
annoying and you hate me.”
“I highly doubt that.”
Eren’s still grinning at him, and Levi has to look away, because – he’s agreed
to something, here. Something he probably shouldn’t have agreed to. Jumps when
Eren nudges him with his elbow.
“Come on, then, you. Let’s go find some puppies to play with.”
Yeah. Levi’s definitely going to get himself hurt, here, before all is said and
done.
***** Chapter 3 *****
By the time Levi gets back to the apartment, he’s rethinking everything, but –
not enough to walk away. Ends up sitting on the bed with his face in his hands.
Eren hadn’t tried to kiss him at the dog park, or at the bus stop – hadn’t
tried to get in much closer than he’d already gotten. All evening long, hadn’t
done anything more than nudge him with his elbow, or give him those little
smiles, or – just once – brush their fingers together, when they’d been petting
the same dog; and Levi shouldn’t be so rattled over such innocent little
touches. Fumbles for his sketchpad and a set of pencils. He’s already been up
since six. All he needs is some kind of distraction until he falls asleep.
- - -
His phone wakes him up in the dead of night. He should probably be pissed, but,
really, it’s his own damn fault for still having it on. Pushes his face further
into Erwin’s pillow – shit, it’s nice to sleep in an actual bed – and then
fumbles around on the night table until he gets hold of his phone.
Sorry this is shittty. Im a bit drunk. Wantted to draw youu a dog.
It’s a napkin. Not even a piece of paper. And – it’s probably the worst drawing
Levi has ever seen. It’s practically a horizontal stick person with ears and a
tail, and – he jumps at the noise that comes out of his mouth. He doesn’t laugh
easily, but holy shit, this kid. He got drunk and drew Levi the worst dog ever;
and Levi wants the actual napkin. Wants more than just the photo. Feels his
chest go all stupid and achy as he gnaws on his lip and makes the photo his
contact image for Eren.

                                                         
You are such an ass. Thank you.
Sorry ifI wokke you.
It’s no problem. You with friends?
Mmmmhm. Homefor the night. Hope yur having sweet dreanms. :)
You too.
Niiiiight. :D
Levi puts the phone away before he can spend too long staring at it. Shoves his
face back into the pillow, and wraps his arms around the second pillow he’s
maybe been snuggling up around. The last thing he needs to do is lie awake at
two in the morning, wondering how he could have ever possibly agreed to go on
at least one more date with a horribly adorable little seventeen-year-old.
- - -
“Well don’t you look all comfy.”
It’s a testament to how well Levi knows Erwin’s voice that he doesn’t wake up
throwing punches. Feels the sudden tension whoosh out of him on a groan.
Fucking Erwin. Gives him the finger as best as he can while lying on his
stomach, and buries himself further into the pillow, and – the noise that comes
out of him might possibly be a hiss as Erwin tries to pull the blankets off.
“Could you fucking not, you horrible, horrible –”
“It’s my bed, Levi. Now shove over before I dump you on the floor.”
And – alright, Levi can work with that. As long as he doesn’t have to move too
much. Wiggles until he’s not in the center of the bed, and clings a bit tighter
to his pillow as Erwin crawls in beside him. Finally opens his eyes – cracks
them open through the grit – to find Erwin – well. It’s probably impossible for
Erwin Smith to ever look like shit, but he does look exhausted; and Levi feels
affection make his chest tight. Knows that it must be stupid early, and closes
his eyes again.
“Mike’s gonna have to take the couch from now on. I like this bed.”
“Go back to sleep, Levi.”
“Jerk.”
“A jerk whose bed you’re –”
“You and him should take a vacation. Get out of here for a week. Let me watch
this place.”
“How altruistic of you.”
“It’s way too fucking early for words like that.”
He doesn’t have to open his eyes to know that Erwin’s grinning. Doesn’t bother
to fight the way his stupid chest gets even tighter. Snuggles further into the
bed and moves a bit closer to Erwin; and he’d never admit out loud that it
feels better having him back, but, well – he probably doesn’t have to. Closes
his eyes and hopes like hell that they can just sleep the entire day away.
- - -
Levi wakes up to find Erwin baking cookies – which would be weird enough on its
own, even without the flowery apron that he’s wearing. The apron just adds a
whole never level of surreal.
“You’re fucking kidding me.”
Erwin basically just sticks his nose in the air and ignores him, and – Levi
pulls the blanket tighter around himself and leans against the kitchen doorway,
shoving his hair out of his eyes. Maybe he should go back to bed. It’s got to
be well into the afternoon, but he’s not awake enough for this shit.
“Since when do you even bake?”
“I liked your suggestion.”
“My – huh?”
“Vacation. Mike and I. Of course, Hanje would have to be in charge of the
office, so –”
“You’re making bribery cookies.”
Erwin doesn’t even have the good grace to look embarrassed, but Levi has bigger
concerns, suddenly; because if he’s going to have an apartment to himself for a
week – that’s something that Eren can never find out. That – oh, god. Eren’s
surely going to find out that his boss is going on vacation. Is going to know
that Levi’s watching the place on his own. Fucking buggering shit.
“Levi? Are you –”
“I – what. What? Yeah, I’m fine, I just – shit. Can I talk to you?”
It’s the wrong thing to say. He knows it is, because Erwin suddenly looks a lot
more concerned than confused – and Levi shakes his head and steps into the
kitchen, trying to not trip over the blanket he’s dragging, and – yeah, in
fairness, he’s probably never used that sentence in his life.
“No, I’m – I’m fine, it’s just – one of your employees is trying to date me.
And I – I don’t know –”
“Eren is old enough to make his own decisions.”
“Oh, fuck that. How could you possibly –”
“He’s been undressing you with his eyes since day one.”
“Oh, hell.”
“It’s my office. I notice these things. And I’d have said something, if I
thought I needed to.”
“But he’s –”
“Age difference doesn’t have to be a bad thing, Levi. Maybe you’d be good for
him.”
Erwin gives him a small smile, and Levi pulls the blanket a bit tighter around
himself, suddenly reminded that Erwin knows all about Levi’s fucked up dating
history. Thinks of his older jackass boyfriend, back when he was in university.
Thinks of the fact that Erwin fucking Smith, on the other hand, had once been a
lucky eighteen-year-old with a twenty-nine-year-old boyfriend who’d treated him
like gold, and – maybe Levi really is just projecting his own shit onto the
situation. Maybe Levi could be part of Eren’s life without hurting him, and –
hell, who the fuck is he even kidding, anyway. Levi’s probably going to be the
one who ends up hurt. He always is.
“If you keep that look up, I’m going to have to hug you.”
“Try it and I’ll strangle you with that apron.”
“Just this once? The sulk and the bedhead are pretty adorable.”
“You are such an ass.”
He doesn’t try to pull away, though, when Erwin sets down the rolling pin,
brushes the flour off his hands, and wraps his stupidly large arms around Levi,
pulling him close and nearly crushing Levi’s face into his shoulder, and – it
should be uncomfortable. It’s not. Levi closes his eyes – can actually feel the
tension seep out of his body – and Erwin, bless him, doesn’t say a word about
it. Just squeezes him a bit tighter, until Levi’s barely getting enough air
against his shoulder.
“You’ve fought so hard for everything in your life. It’d be nice to see you
find someone special.”
There’s a quip on his tongue about how Erwin is a sentimental fool, or about
how he missed his calling as a shrink – but Levi’s too warm and comfortable,
and Erwin sounds too sincere, and Levi really, truly doesn’t want to move; so
he just nods into Erwin’s shoulder and holds on tight, too.
- - -
About an hour later, Levi gets out of the shower to the smell of cookies and a
text from Eren.
Hey, sexy pants. Working tomorrow?
Levi does not blush. Or, if he does, nobody else ever has to know about it.
This fucking idiot.
You’re an idiot.
You like me anyway. :) I’m free at nine. Fancy going to the midnight opening of
the new X-Men?
I like how you assume that I’m that much of a Marvel fan.
Well, you’ve been super awesome in every other way, so – yeah. Figured it was a
safe bet.
And – yeah, now he’s definitely blushing. And his chest hurts. And he has
fucking butterflies. What is wrong with him. Has to sit down on the bed – pulls
his towel tighter around him, and clings to the phone in his hand – and take a
minute to breathe. Isn’t even sure how to respond to that. Doesn’t have to when
his phone buzzes, again, making him jump, before he curses himself.
But, yeah. Interested? If not, there are plenty of other shenanigans we could
probably get up to.
Nah, movie sounds good. We dressing up?
Dude, there is no way you cosplay. Nobody can be that perfect.
I’m not perfect.
He second-guesses it the moment he hits send. Second-guesses it even more as
the seconds tick by. Is just about ready to punch himself in the face by the
time the phone buzzes in his hand again.
Well, you’re pretty damn close, then. Fucking cosplay. As if. Who we going as?
I’ve still got Wolverine claws, if you want them.
I’m not gonna lie, the fact that you have those is, like, ridiculously
attractive.
Yeah, well. ComiCon was a long time ago.
I think I need to see those photos.
Maybe someday, if you’re lucky.
I’ll hold you to that. ;) Though if I’ve got the claws, who you gonna go as?
I could always throw on a wig and a dress and be the Jean Grey to your
Wolverine.
He’s pushing. At least, he thinks he is. Isn’t quite sure. The kid’s a liberal
little bisexual teenager, yes, but – there’s that, and then there’s going to
the movies with the guy you’re maybe possibly dating while said guy is dressed
as a woman, and – maybe Levi is an idiot. Sets the phone on the bed and lays
the towel beside it. Bares his teeth against the cool air – why the fuck is
Erwin’s apartment so goddamn cold – and has just gotten his boxers and jeans on
when the phone buzzes.
I just stubbed my toe. I hope you’re proud of yourself.
So, is that a yes, then?
Good god, yes. I’ve got no way to get Logan hair, though. You have any
hairspray?
This – all of this – is a horrible idea. Levi swallows, and looks around
Erwin’s bedroom. Can hear him singing in the kitchen – his voice perfectly on
key, of course, the talented bastard – while he works on his bribery cookies,
and – Levi thinks of crowding into the tiny bathroom with Eren. Thinks of
giving him Wolverine hair before working on his own make-up – thinks of Eren
watching him put on his make-up, maybe looking a bit dazed – and, if Levi
shivers, he’s going to blame it on how cold Erwin’s room is. Takes the time to
put on his shirt before he picks up the phone.
I’ll see if Erwin minds you coming over here.
It’s a horrible idea. Levi doesn’t care. Slides his phone in his pocket and
wraps the towel around his head, and – his hair is going to look so stupid, but
whatever. It’s not like Eren is around to see. Pads down the hall and perches
on one of the kitchen stools, where Erwin is still covered in flour and wearing
that flowery apron. Glances around to make sure that Mike hasn’t slipped in,
before he gnaws on his lip and rests his elbows on the counter, just barely
avoiding the patches of flour.
“So, uh, if you’re onboard with this, and all – is it alright if, um. Eren
comes over tomorrow?”
It’s almost comical, the way Erwin goes still, before putting down the tray of
cookies and fixing Levi with a look that makes Levi glare right on back. Can
actually feel his own face pulling tight.
“What? You’re the one who said you were fine with –”
“If you two, at any point, ever, have sex in my bed –”
“Ugh, why would you even –”
“– or on my couch –”
“That thing’s worth more than I am!”
“– then you will be relying on the kindness of strangers, I swear. You will be
–”
“Ohhhh, bad move, blondie. We both know you’d never –”
“I will tickle you awake in the morning.”
“You wouldn’t.”
“I will. Ten whole minutes before your alarm is set for.”
And – Erwin is brandishing a wooden rolling pin like a weapon, at this point.
There’s flour on his face. He looks and sounds truly distraught, suddenly, and
Levi can’t stop a grin. This stupid man.
“So that’s a yes, then, as long as we don’t leave semen on the furniture?”
“I – jesus, Levi.”
“Excellent. We shall be monopolizing the bathroom tomorrow evening, then.”
“Dare I ask why?”
Erwin still looks a bit pained – looks like he wants to find something to bang
his head against – and Levi knows that he’s still grinning a little. Doesn’t
fucking care. Can’t remember the last time they snarked at each other about
someone Levi was interested in, and – it’s nice, somehow.
“I’m being the Jean Grey to his Logan. Oh, and I need your hairspray to do his
hair.”
“You’re – are you serious?”
“Hey, it’s not like you need all of it –”
“You haven’t gotten dressed up for something like this since before I met you.”
“And you’re not my damn shrink.”
His stomach twists the second it’s out. He’s such a dick. Looks away from
Erwin’s frown, until Erwin puts down the rolling pin and leans across the
counter. Waits for Levi to look back at him, and – he looks more confused than
offended, of course; because that’s always been his thing. He’s always been
patient with Levi, and put up with his crap. Always known when to push, and
when not to.
“You’re pretty damn prickly about all this, aren’t you.”
“Can we not do this?”
“Levi, if that boy can make you care about shit that you long ago stopped
caring about –”
“I barely even know him –”
“Yes, well, I fell for Mike within days of meeting him, so – it does happen,
you know.”
Not to me.
Levi doesn’t say it out loud, but he probably doesn’t need to. Jumps when Erwin
suddenly tugs on his hair. Bats his hand away and straightens up, his stomach
un-knotting a bit as Erwin grins at him.
“Now why don’t you go text Eren and tell him that, yes, he can come over here
tomorrow and conduct his just-barely-legal, arguably-still-very-underage
relationship at his boss’ apartment.”
“I – wow. Shit.”
“Yeah. You owe me.”
“I’ll clean the apartment. Top to bottom.”
“Yes, but you enjoy that.”
“Then we both win.”
Erwin’s giving him a look like Levi is the worst and Erwin’s the most long-
suffering person on the planet for putting up with him – which, in fairness,
does sometimes have some validity to it – and Levi gives him the most obnoxious
grin he has before he pulls out his phone and heads for the laundry room. Has
just started pulling out windex and paper towels when he opens his phone.
Duuuude, wait, abort mission, ka? All I meant was could I borrow some, if you
had it.
Agggh I wasn’t asking to invade my boss’ apartment. I can’t do that to him.
Wait. He knows about us?
Leeeeeevi.
Leeeeeeeeeeeeevi.
Talk to me, man. If Erwin’s going to kill me for harassing his bestie, I’d
rather know now.
If I don’t hear from you in the next ten minutes I’m buying a one-way ticket to
Antarctica.
The last text is marked just under fifteen minutes ago, and Levi breathes
through the tinge of guilt, because – maybe he hadn’t quite thought that one
through. Realizes that his fingers aren’t quite steady on the keypad – hits
call before he can stop himself. Swallows and sits down against the supply
cabinet, ass on the cool tile floor and phone pressed to his ear, as it starts
ringing, and –
“Hello?”
“You know, I’ve never understood why people feel the need to add a question
mark when –”
“You – I’m too damn poor for call display, you ass –”
“I thought you liked my ass.”
“Stop it. That’s not the – did Erwin –”
“Erwin thinks I might be good for you. We have full reign of his bathroom
tomorrow evening.”
“Christ. I thought I was done for.”
“He’s really not that scary.”
“He is when he’s your boss.”
Eren sounds truly relieved – sounds like he was actually worried for a while –
and Levi’s – it’s all a bit funny, in a way, because the idea of Eren being
scared of Erwin is hilarious; but guilt is still gnawing hot and unpleasant at
his stomach; and he settles himself a bit harder against the cabinet.
“I – sorry. Should have asked you before I –”
“No, it’s – Mikasa and Armin – they know, too. I – guess we both needed someone
to talk to, huh.”
And – shit. This is all way too much, too fast. Levi knows it is. Knows that
they’re both probably diving into this without looking first. Closes his eyes
and takes a breath, and – doesn’t know what to say. Hears Eren clear his
throat. Wishes he could see him. God, Levi hates phones. Why did he think
calling the kid was a good idea? Why couldn’t he have just stuck with texting?
“So, uh, about tomorrow –”
“I’m glad you have – them. Mikasa, and Armin. Friends that you – trust.”
He cringes the second he says it – could he even be more of an awkward human
being? But he’s pretty sure he can almost hear Eren smiling, so. Maybe Levi’s
not that much of an idiot, after all.
“Yeah, I’m – really lucky, for sure. We all are, really. And I’d love to – man,
I’d love nothing more but to sit and talk with you all night, truly I would,
but –”
“Hey, no, it’s –”
“It’s just – I’m on duty for math tutor tonight, so I need to go find –”
“Volunteers at an animal shelter and tutors the youngsters. You’re going to
make me sick.”
The noise Eren makes sounds like he’s both pleased and kind of wants to deck
Levi, and Levi realizes he’s smirking as he climbs to his feet. Can clearly
picture the exasperation on Eren’s face.
“Good luck with the youngins, kid.”
“I – thank you. Um – tomorrow. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I – right. You, too. Sweet dreams.”
And –sweet dreams. It’s not even six o’clock yet. He’s such a fucking idiot –
“Sweet dreams, Levi.”
It’s soft and fond-sounding and far sweeter than Levi deserves, and the call
ends, and – Levi’s not sure how long he stands there, before he puts the phone
into his pocket and starts looking for cleaning supplies, yanking out some
gloves and a bottle of lysol. If Eren’s going to be spending an evening here,
then Levi is damn well going to make sure that the entire apartment is
spotless.
***** Chapter 4 *****
That night, of course, is when Levi’s insomnia decides to act up.
At 3 am, he’s given up on watching television on his laptop. At five, he’s
curled up into a ball, staring into the darkness. More or less crawls into the
shower just after seven – sets the water as hot as he can stand it – and makes
it to the bus stop for eight. Erwin’s not working until noon, and Mike had
stopped by sometime around ten, and like hell is Levi going to wake either of
them up; and he stumbles into the office so exhausted he’s nauseated. Starts
working on the bathrooms around nine, and – in twelve hours, Eren is supposed
to be coming over to Erwin’s, and they’re going to be getting dressed up and
going out, and – Levi’s so tired his eyes are watering, and he end up sitting
on the floor in the custodial closet. Wraps his arms around his knees. Only
unlocks the door and walks out after he’s dunked his face under the tap – and
Eren, of course, is standing right there.
For a moment, they just stare at each other. Then, Eren’s eyebrows knit
together.
“You look like shit.”
“You sweet talker, you.”
“Dude, I’m serious. What happened?”
“That’s none of your damn –”
Levi damn near swallows his tongue when Eren brushes his hair out of his face.
Closes his eyes as Eren’s fingers just barely touch his skin. He still needs to
be sick, but – this is helping, maybe.
“Is this – okay?”
“You’re the only part about this that is okay.”
He regrets it immediately, because that is way too goddam much – way too much
honesty; and he carefully keeps his eyes closed, but – Eren inhales so sharply
Levi can hear it; so maybe he hasn’t completely fucked up, here. Doesn’t open
his eyes as Eren’s fingers brush along his bangs.
“You – you really do look like shit, though. Have you –”
“Haven’t slept yet.”
“Why don’t you get someone to cover you?”
“There’s no one to –”
“Then get through this and pass the fuck out, alright? The movie’s not going
anywhere.”
It shouldn’t feel like such a big deal. It does. Though now Levi feels like
shit for another reason. Opens his eyes when Eren drops his hand. Is pretty
sure he’s never seen Eren look so concerned.
“That’s not – you don’t have to wait to see it. Hell, take Armin, or Mikasa, or
–”
“No way, man. Now – one cream and one sugar, right? And double-cupped?”
“I –”
“Oh, and try not to trip yourself with the mop before I get back, okay? You’re
looking a mite peaky.”
“Well aren’t you just fucking hilarious.”
Even to his exhausted ears, though, it sounds horribly fond, and – fuck,
gratitude is a heartless bitch. Makes something stick in Levi’s throat as Eren
gives him a horribly cheeky grin before he turns and crosses the office – and
if Levi watches him go, then hopefully nobody else will notice.
- - -
Eren brings him coffee.
Three giant cups of it.
“Jesus, kid. You trying to make my heart stop?”
“What, I don’t already do that with my mere presence?”
Eren is suddenly grinning at him – bright and cheeky and so unbelievably
beautiful – and Levi is far too sleep-deprived for this. Knows that his blush
will be horribly obvious on his exhaustion-pale face. Can’t quite look at Eren
as he sets the tray down on the top of the freezer. They’re in the supply room.
Levi should have never let Eren follow him in here. There’s not enough space.
“You’re really darn cute when you blush, you know.”
“I hate you.”
“Your continued desire to date me says otherwise.”
“Well, obviously I’m an idiot who –”
Eren’s fingers brush his hair away from his face, again, and Levi closes his
eyes. He’s not going to kiss the kid. Not here, not now. Not – doesn’t think he
wants Eren to kiss him, either. It’s the fucking work supply room. Levi was
thinking more in front of the mountains in the rain for this.
“Coffee’s for the whole shift, you doofus.”
“I – right. Sure.”
“Text me tomorrow if you fancy getting out of bed, alright?”
What if I fancy you joining me in it?
Levi keeps his mouth shut. Nods against Eren’s fingers, and opens his eyes when
Eren steps back with a smile. Looks some mix of sympathetic and fond, before he
turns and leaves the room. Levi stares at the doorway for a long moment, then
picks up one of the cups and starts working on downing it. Is pretty sure his
accelerated heartbeat has nothing to do with the damn caffeine.
- - -
Somehow, Levi makes it through his shift.
Drinks all his fucking coffee over the space of the next seven hours. Clings to
the fact that, by some miracle, he has the following day off. Mops down all the
floors, and scrubs all the cafeteria tables. Changes all the garbage cans and
recycling bins. Cleans and wipes down the fridges, windexes the bathroom
mirrors until they shine, and vacuums all the carpets. Eren, it seems, has been
pulled into one of those training sessions that he so hates; and Levi has no
distraction but his own head. Can’t think about anything other than getting
through without passing out or throwing up. Concentrates on staying on his feet
until he logs out and takes the bus back to Erwin’s, dozing the entire way
there. Misses his apartment by two stops and has to walk back. His legs are
like lead by the time he makes it up the stairs and into Erwin’s apartment; and
he stares at the couch for a moment before heading for Erwin’s bedroom,
instead. It’s just shy of six, and Erwin can kick him out whenever he’s back
from work. For now, Levi needs an actual bed.
- - -
Levi wakes up gradually.
Feels himself slipping back to consciousness, and deliberately keeps his eyes
shut. Doesn’t want to get up yet. Realizes, distantly, though – he’s still
sleeping on a mattress. Still buried under Erwin’s blankets. Opens his eyes and
stares at the bedside clock. How is it nine in the morning?
“What –”
His voice sounds like he hasn’t used it in a while, and be swallows through the
dryness. Pushes himself up on his elbows, and – he feels good. Rested. More
rested than he’s felt in a while, actually. Reluctantly climbs out from under
the blankets – his clothes from yesterday are still on the floor, and he takes
a moment to sneer at them before wrapping one of the blankets around himself
instead. Stumbles out of the room and down the hall, trying to not trip over
the blanket, and –
Erwin’s asleep on the couch, his long legs hanging over the end; and Mike’s
sound asleep on the floor, his cot lied out right beside the couch and his hand
tucked up underneath Erwin’s shoulder.
For a moment, Levi just stands there and stares at them. Then, he scrubs a hand
across his eyes, takes a breath, and walks back out of the room. He needs to
have a shower and find some clean clothes. He can’t make breakfast for those
two wonderful blonde idiots if he’s only in his boxers.
- - -
The day is – nice.
So nice it feels a bit like it’s got to be a trick.
He makes pancakes for Erwin and Mike, and is saved from trying to stutter out a
thank you for the night before when Erwin ruffles his hair – probably the only
damn person on the entire stupid planet who could get away with that; though,
there’s a horrible part of Levi that knows he’d let Eren do the same thing –
and reminds him that Hanje had suggested melatonin capsules for his insomnia.
Levi just nods. Hates, a bit, that he had been so obvious about being up all
night; because the last thing he wants to do is keep Erwin awake with his
restless late-night wandering.
But, beyond that one moment of hating himself – it’s nice. The entire day is
nice. And he doesn’t know how much has to do with the fact that Erwin and Mike
devour his pancakes like they’re getting paid to do it, and how much has to do
with the two of them sprawling in front of the living room television and
playing split-screen Minecraft all afternoon, and how much has to do with the
fact that Levi gets to just putter around with bandanas over his face and his
hair, gradually making sure that everything in the apartment is clean and
perfect and organized and –
Doesn’t know how much has to do with that, and how much is due to Eren texting
him at noon.
Hey, sleepyhead. Hope you managed to get some rest. Free at seven. Fancy giving
that movie another go? :)
It’s almost six and Levi still hasn’t calmed down. Had texted an affirmative
and broken out the windex and spent the day cleaning and watching Erwin and
Mike act like idiots, but – he’s not calm. He’s far from calm. And his chest is
aching and his stomach is all fluttery and he’s so stupid. Tries to think of a
subtle, non-insulting way to nudge Erwin and Mike out of the apartment for the
evening. Gives up on that about the time Erwin ends up sitting on the floor and
resting against Mike’s chest, as Mike leans against the couch and the
controllers lay forgotten beside them, and – it’s too horribly adorable to
disturb, so Levi puts it off for as long as he can. Eventually puts down the
windex and wanders into the livingroom, where Erwin smiles at him from where
Mike’s got his arms and legs wrapped all around him, and – god. They are just
nauseatingly cute.
“Getting everything shiny?”
“I – yeah. Um. Question. Uh – you know how you said you were good with – Eren
and I hanging out here – um – so is it okay, then, if we rescheduled for
tonight?”
He kicks himself a bit as he says it – because Mike’s mouth has actually
dropped open against Erwin’s shoulder, and so little ever seems to ruffle Mike,
and, oh, god, why did Levi think that any of this was a good idea – but Erwin’s
grinning a way that kind of makes Levi want to punch him.
“You’ve been putting off telling me all day, haven’t you.”
“You looked – comfortable. Didn’t want to interrupt if I didn’t have –”
“You and Eren?”
“Ugh, you jerk, can we not.”
But Mike’s grinning in a disconcertingly similar way to Erwin, now, and Levi
puts his face in his hands. Is just about to tell them that he fucking hates
both of them a foot kicks against his leg.
“Open invitation to have him here, Levi. Just remember –”
“Yeah, yeah. No semen on the furniture.”
“Could you stop saying –”
“No, I really can’t. Now, you two have fun while I clean the bathroom –”
“Isn’t Eren still, you know – in high school?”
“Mike –”
“Like, damn, Levi. You devious little –”
“I will kick you, I swear.”
He gets his face out of his hands to find both of them still grinning at him,
and he sticks his tongue out – if they’re going to be immature idiots, then
he’s damn well got the right to do the same – before he leaves them alone
again. That bathroom isn’t going to clean itself, and if, maybe, he’s going to
have Eren in there – maybe, at least; maybe the kid will want to watch him put
on his make-up; or maybe he’ll want Levi’s help with crafting his hair into
Wolverine hair – then Levi is damn well going to make it the cleanest goddamn
washroom the world has ever seen.
- - -
It’s raining by the time seven rolls around.
Of course it is. It’s fucking Vancouver.
Levi decides to wait for Eren on the front step. Doesn’t think he can deal with
pacing the halls of Erwin’s apartment anymore. Tugs his hood up and finds a dry
patch of the steps to sit on, the rain coming down over the overhang, just
inches away from his knees. He’s sitting outside in the rain, nervous as fuck,
and waiting for a teenager. He didn’t even do this when he was a teenager, and
– realizes the flaw in plans when he has nothing to do with his hands. Glances
at the time on his phone – it’s just after seven, but he knows that Eren is
prone to being late – and wavers for a horrible second before he beelines it
back up the stairs for his sketchpad. Somehow sneaks back in and out again
without Erwin and Mike seeing him. Like hell is he going to just sit there and
look around at every approaching person, because he’ll end up giving himself
damn whiplash, and –
But does he want Eren to see his sketchpads?
For a second, he hovers there – almost sitting, sketchpad clutched against him,
and the rain hammering down just inches away – and then he swallows and sits
back down on the step. The kid knows that Levi’s got his visual arts degree.
And it’s not like the sketchpad in Levi’s hands has anything too personal. He
just – can’t remember the last time he gave a fuck about who saw him drawing,
which is just – it’s just so stupid, that he’s suddenly caring now. Hunches
down a bit further and starts trying to capture the splash of the rain on the
pavement. It’s not the easiest feat with a pencil, and he’s probably just going
to end up frustrated – but it’s still a damn sight better than looking around
like a meercat whenever someone shows up out of the corner of his eye.
Levi only realizes how much he’s not paying attention to anything around him
when there are shoes beside the puddle he’s drawing. Looks up to find Eren
standing right there in the rain, the hood on his jacket pulled back, and his
hair plastered down against his head. He’s just standing there, and – he’s
watching Levi with an expression that looks so fond it actually hurts; and
Levi’s just managed to get his breath back and open his mouth when Eren moves
closer, and Levi loses his air all over again.
“You didn’t have a clue I was here, did you.”
“I –”
“Man, if you are half as passionate about cuddling and making out as you are
about art –”
“You’re a presumptuous little –”
If playing with Levi’s hair is going to become a regular thing, then Levi is
going to be in so much trouble. Closes his eyes as Eren brushes it away from
his face, his fingers cold and damp.
“Come on, then. Let’s get me in there and get some Wolverine hair going.”
“I don’t – Mike and Erwin are – if we sneak in, they might be polite and –
ignore us.”
“Guess we’d better be sneaky, then.”
Eren’s grin is far too soft, when Levi opens his eyes; and Levi just stops
himself from craning into the touch of Eren’s fingers like some kind of – well.
Like some kind of touch-starved idiot who’s been alone for way too long. Like
an idiot who sits in the rain and draws puddles while waiting for the teenage
boy he’s going on a date with. Fuck. What the hell was he even thinking.
“Levi?”
“I – right. Come on. We’re using Erwin’s hairspray.”
“As if this wasn’t already bad enough.”
“You’ll change your mind when you see me in a dress.”
“I – fuck, Levi, you can’t just say things like –”
“I can, and I did. Now let’s get you in there before you melt.”
“Yeah, aren’t you just hilarious.”
Eren’s hand finally drops away from his face, and he looks a bit like he wants
to punch Levi and kiss him at the same time; and something in Levi’s chest
feels a bit lighter, suddenly. He doesn’t take Eren’s hand to pull him inside –
this isn’t a fucking romance movie, and the little shit hasn’t even kissed him
yet – but he does stand to the side and hold the door open, his heart jumping
when Eren hoists up his backpack and steps inside, dripping water all over the
clean floor, and –
It should be annoying. It is annoying.
Which doesn’t explain why Levi isn’t snarking at Eren to stop dripping
everywhere.
God. He’s in somuch trouble.
***** Chapter 5 *****
They sneak into the apartment and beeline it straight for the washroom.
Levi needs to not think about the fact that he finally has Eren behind closed
doors.
Focuses on their outfits instead. They get Eren into jeans and a stupidly tight
white tank top, and they get his claws on; and as soon as Levi finishes fucking
aching with how fucking hot that all is, he gathers his courage and pulls the
dress out of the closet. Doesn’t miss the way Eren flushes pink all over the
place. Ends up sliding into the dress behind the closed bathroom door while
Eren waits in the hallway – god, he feels like a such teenager – and then
opening the door and doing his make-up while Eren sits on the side of the
bathtub and looks basically pretty much fucking stunned. Is pretty sure he can
hear Eren swallow as Levi puts his lipstick on – slides it onto his dry lips
and tries to breathe over his racing heart. Pins his hair up and slides his
wing on and – fuck it, he’s putting the heels on. He should wait until he’s
done Eren’s hair, but he doesn’t care. Slides one on – then stills when Eren’s
hand curls into the swirl of his dress, just above his knee.
“Jesus, Levi. Did you shave your legs for this?”
And – Levi absolutely categorically refuses to be embarrassed; but it’s
probably not a problem, because Eren is looking a bit cross-eyed; and Levi
can’t stop the stupid bloom of pride he gets the other shoe on. Gets to his
feet as Eren lets go of his dress; and then Eren’s just sitting there and
blinking at him stupidly, until Levi – he puts out his hand and Eren lets him
pull him to his feet.
“Yes, I did.”
“You’re – something else, man.”
“Scared off yet?”
“Are you kidding?”
"Good. Now let’s do that hair of yours.”
Eren’s still flushed pink, and it does nothing to help Levi keep the hairspray
can steady as he tries to craft Eren’s hair into something that resembles
Wolverine’s. Does a pretty damn good job of it, actually – and then sets the
can down on the sink, and they’re just left staring at each other.
“You look – wow. Awesome.”
“So do you.”
And Eren does. He really does. And it’s been years since Levi got dressed up
with someone, and it’s a fantastic feeling, and, god, he suddenly feels so much
younger. Realizes that he’s been smiling at Eren, and that Eren is smiling
back, all bright-eyed and genuine and far sweeter than Levi deserves and – and
Levi is falling for this kid, he knows he is, and it’s a horrible idea, and
Levi doesn’t do this – and yet none of that stops him from taking Eren’s hand
and tugging on it.
“Come on. Let’s get out of here and go show the folks at the cinema how it’s
done.”
“Think we can sneak out again?”
“If we’re really lucky.”
They aren’t that lucky.
“Damn, Levi. If I’d know what you looked like in a dress –”
“Finish that sentence, Mike, and I will gouge you with Eren’s claws.”
But Mike is grinning, and Erwin is grinning, and Levi can’t even summon the
energy to get that pissed. If anything, he’s more amused by the way Eren’s gone
absolutely wide-eyed. They’ve been cornered in the hallway during their attempt
to escape, and Eren looks like he doesn’t quite know what to do with suddenly
coming face to face with his boss and his team leader at the same time.
“Um –”
“Welcome to my apartment, Eren.”
“I – right. Thank you. I –”
“I trust the hairspray was satisfactory?”
Erwin’s looking a little too pleased with himself, and Eren makes a noise like
he wants to die from embarrassment; and Levi rolls his eyes and tugs on Eren’s
hand again. Realizes that he never let go.
“Alright, enough. We need to get –”
“Got time for me to snag a picture?”
It says something about how content Levi is that he just shrugs and turns to
Eren. Watches as Eren stares right back before he grins through his
embarrassment, nodding, and then – Levi probably needs to not do this in front
of Erwin and Mike, but to hell with it. Slides his arm around Eren’s waist and
doesn’t resist when Eren pulls him in tighter, molding their sides together as
Erwin pulls out his phone, and – Levi doesn’t even try for an expression that
Jean Grey might have, because he’s too busy just feeling – good, for once.
Knows that Eren grins his way through the whole fucking thing – they are going
to look like the happiest Logan and Jean to ever exist, for fuck’s sake – and
then peels away when Eren drops his arm, claws hanging by his waist.
“Alright. Now we really need to go.”
“Have fun.”
Erwin’s doing that ridiculous thing where he stands there and looks really
happy for Levi – it’s an expression that Levi hasn’t seen too often, over the
years, but one he still recognizes – and Levi should probably be annoyed about
that, too; but he just can’t care, somehow. He’s going on a date with a
beautiful boy who didn’t run off within minutes of meeting Levi. It’s a nice
feeling.
- - -
They go to the movie.
They ride the skytrain to Stadium-Chinatown and get stared at like they’re
godless heathens the whole way there – which is actually rather awesome – and
then they go to the movie. Snag two seats in the back and – since it’s a
Thursday evening – end up with a good chunk of the theater to themselves. Levi
sits there in the dark, hyperaware of Eren’s bare arm pressed up against his;
and halfway through, just when things are getting really fucked onscreen,
Eren’s hand slides into his. He’s taken the claws off, and he ends up tugging
Levi’s hand to rest on his leg; and Levi spends the entire rest of movie barely
focused on the screen. He hasn’t held hands with anyone in years.
Afterward, Eren holds his hand for the entire damn bus ride, and the entire
walk to Erwin’s door, and – Levi is an absolute fucking coward. Or maybe he
just doesn’t want to push. Or maybe he really is a coward. But when Eren hovers
in front of him, seeming uncertain, Levi should just kiss the little shit – but
he doesn’t, and Eren finally squeezes his hand and wishes him sweet dreams.
Doesn’t touch him anywhere else. Doesn’t play with his hair or try to kiss him,
or – anything. Just smiles at him and walks back down the sidewalk, his claws
still on one of his hands; and Levi stands there for a moment before he goes
inside, limps up the stairs, and strips out of his heels and dress and wig.
Climbs into the shower and presses his burning face against the cold wall; and
his head is full of Eren’s stupid little smile and he’s half-hard already but –
he doesn’t want to be doing this alone. Fuck, he doesn’t even want to sleep
alone. Wants a whole goddamn bed with Eren in it. He doesn’t even like people
in his space, and he wants Eren in his. Ends up turning the water to cool and
burying his face in his arm until he’s calm enough to get out of the shower,
and – he’s going to have make-up streaked all down his face, but fuck taking it
off properly. He doesn’t have to work tomorrow. He can deal with it then. He’s
such an idiot.
But then – he had said, at the dog park, that he wouldn’t push. Eren is
seventeen. Levi doesn’t know a thing about his sexual history. Knows, yes, what
Eren had said about people wanting to just fuck him and walk away, but – that
doesn’t mean he’s actually done that. Done anything. And Levi is thirty-four;
and just because he wants to strip Eren naked and find every spot that makes
him shake – it doesn’t mean that Eren wants the same. At least not yet. Or
maybe not at all. Maybe he wants to just cuddle and make out – he’d said
something about that, right? And, fuck everything, just making out with the kid
would probably be better than a lot of the sex Levi’s had; which is either a
sad reflection on his sexual history, or an indicator of just how badly Eren’s
gotten under his skin. He’s pretty fucking sure it’s the latter. Only realizes
his phone is blinking at him when he’s been sitting on Erwin’s couch in nothing
but a towel for a while.
Thanks for tonight. I’ll take good care of the claws until I see you next. :)
You’d better. They were a whole twenty bucks on ebay.
I shall treat them like gold.
Levi pulls his towel a bit tighter around his waist. Realizes that the room is
fucking freezing, and loses the towel long enough to start pulling clothes on.
Is in jeans and his comfiest sweater with his towel more or less wrapped around
his head when the phone buzzes again, bright in the dark room.
Also, do you work tomorrow?
No. Thank fuck.
Excellent. :) Well, in that case – um, so. Annie and Bertolt and Reiner rent
their own apartment out in Kits, and it’s got three bedrooms but they really
only use two of them, so the third is kind of their guest room thing, and…
fuck, this sounds like a skeevy booty call pick-up line, but I swear it’s not.
It’s just, if we ever want some space – they have a TV and a playstation in
there, even, and the window looks out over the river, and the bed is kind of
stupidly comfortable, and you could draw and I could pretend to draw or
whatever – just, if you’re interested, let me know?
The text is so long it comes through as a photo. Levi realizes that his face is
burning. Realizes that he’s dropped his towel on the floor. Closes his eyes.
Fucking christ. His heart is slamming.
Did you just ask me to spend the day in bed with you?
Um. Yeah. If you want to, I mean.
If he wants to. Eren, behind closed doors. With a bed. Fuck. Levi just got out
of the shower.
When and where?
It’s 2249-C, Vine Street… three o’clock okay?
If you’re late I’ll make you sit on the floor instead.
No you won’t. :)
No, I won’t.
He makes himself nervous all over again, sending it, but it’s already done; and
when he gets another smiling emoticon from Eren, he sets his alarm for one
o’clock, put the phone on the table, and gets to his feet and strips back out
of his sweater. Shivers in the cold air, and kicks out of his jeans. Folds
everything on the couch and picks up his towel and heads straight for the
bathroom and strips out of his boxers and climbs back under the scorching water
– and if he gets off clinging to the wall and biting his lip at the thought of
making out like teenagers, nobody else ever needs to know.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Notes
     (Potential TW for a brief almost-panic attack.)
Levi wakes up to new photos on Eren’s facebook.
Photos of him and his friends sitting on the front steps of Templeton Secondary
School.
The kid really is still in high school.
Levi doesn’t quite have a panic attack – it’s been years since his last one,
and he really doesn’t fancy breaking that streak – but he does end up sitting
on the couch with his head in his hands. Takes a deep breath and holds it for
as long as he can. Lets it out slowly. Rinse and repeat. Fuck.
What is he doing.
- - -
He’s glad Erwin isn’t home. There’s no one to witness him pacing around the
apartment.
He and Eren aren’t illegal, technically. Well – not unless they actually have
sex. And he’s always thought that the Canadian government could go fuck itself
where its laws concerning anal sex are concerned – but that’s not the point. He
doesn’t give a damn about the laws. The point is that Levi was probably having
sex before Eren was even born; and that’s – he’s allowed to feel a bit freaked
out by that. It just all hadn’t quite hit him until now. Eren is literally a
high school kid.
Levi ends up sitting on the couch again. Glances at his phone. If he’s going to
be there for three, he needs to leave soon. If he’s going to go. If he’s not
going to put an end to this insanity, and –
His phone buzzes. Levi’s stomach twists as he keys in the password.
I’m collecting sustenance. Found us some vegan chocolate thing. Hope it doesn’t
taste horrid. :)
Levi stares at it. Realizes how fucking much he doesn’t want to walk away from
Eren. They’ve only gone on three damn dates, and it’s still the best
relationship Levi has ever had. He doesn’t want to stop this before they even
start. Doesn’t want to go back to sitting at Timmies alone.
It’s then he notices that he has a message from Erwin, too. Opens it, and –
It’s the picture from last night. Of Eren and Levi dressed up and plastered
together in the hall, and – Levi looks happy. He’s not smiling, but he doesn’t
have to be. Knows himself. It’s written all over him. And Eren looks like
Christmas and Hallowe’en and his birthday have all happened at once.
Could you please at least let me kiss you before you decide to dump me before
we even get started?
Levi closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and stands up.
He needs to have a shower and find something to wear.
- - -
He showers as quickly as he can, while still being completely thorough about
it. He’d rather be late than not feel clean. Brushes and flosses his teeth,
then brushes them again, and gargles with mouthwash until his eyes are
watering. Finds the old jeans he usually works in – thoroughly washed after
every shift, of course; and Eren had said that he likes his ass in them – and
ends up standing in front of the mirror in Erwin’s bedroom. Stares at his own
reflection for a bit – half-naked, and his hair a damp mess – and eventually
decides that he could look worse. Finds some comfort in the fact that he at
least feels alright about that, given that he’s dating someone who’s half his
goddamn age. Bares his teeth at himself – he needs to stop fixating on that if
this is going to work – and finds a thin white t-shirt, and a black v-neck to
go over top. If he’s going to do this, then he’s damn well going to try to look
his best, at least. Though based on the times he’s caught Eren staring at him –
and based on that damn hallway photo – he probably doesn’t have to worry.
Should probably be more worried that Eren seems to think the sun shines out of
his ass.
- - -
By the time he gets down Broadway – it’s a long enough trip, even if the buses
are pretty regular – to Vine, he’s not doing much better. Heads down Vine
Street – it’s as green and gorgeous as he remembers, even if it’s been a while
since he’s been here – and realizes his hands aren’t nearly steady enough.
Presses the button for apartment C, and – Reiner’s built like a damn wall, and
Levi should probably be more nervous of him, and less of the teenager who’s
invited Levi to spend the day in bed with him; but Levi’s seen Annie and Reiner
roughhousing behind the building during their break, like a couple of idiots
who want to lose their jobs. He’s pretty sure that Annie would probably even
have a chance of turning Erwin into a pretzel, if she wanted to.
“Levi. Come in.”
“Thanks.”
He steps inside – out of the sun, thank fuck, and into an air conditioned front
hall, and – it’s gorgeous. It really is. There are wood floors, and nice
carpets, and everything is clean, and – he looks down at the collection of
shoes, and deems the floor clean enough to nudge off his own, too.
“Up the stairs, third door on your right. Eren’s already up there.”
“Right. I –”
“If you hurt him –”
“Let me guess. You’ll kill me.”
“Oh, I won’t have to. Mikasa’ll do it for us.”
Levi’s pretty sure that what Reiner is doing with his mouth more qualifies as
baring his teeth than smiling; and Levi probably should be insulted by that,
but he’s too tired to care. Rolls his eyes and starts up the stairs, feeling
Reiner’s eyes on him the whole way there – comes to a halt when he reaches the
top and turns the corner. Bertolt is looking nervous, but Annie looks like –
yeah. Levi definitely wouldn’t fancy getting in a fight with her. He’s probably
too rusty for that.
“Yes, alright, I get it. If I hurt him, you’ll –”
“Just – don’t hurt him, okay? Eren’s – he’s a good guy.”
How someone who’s that fucking tall can look like a kitten is beyond Levi.
Annie, on the other hand, hasn’t budged from where she’s leaning against the
wall, her arms crossed; and Levi just looks up at Bertolt and nods. Doesn’t
bother saying that, when this is all over, it’s probably not going to be Eren
who’s left in the dust. The kid’s seventeen and beautiful. He could have anyone
he wants. Feels his stomach clench up, and straightens his back, even as Annie
unfurls from the wall.
“Good. Now keep it down or –”
“You’ll kick me out?”
“Oh, no. I’ll grab these two and make it a competition.”
Levi is starting to understand why Annie and Reiner match so well. Bertolt has
gone scarlet and is looking anywhere but at Levi, but Annie’s smiling at him,
though it’s definitely more with just teeth, too, and Levi – maybe this was a
bad idea. Though he can’t blame them for being worried.
“Yes, alright. I hear and see your concern. You gonna let me through, or what?”
“Oh, go ahead, by all means. Two more doors down. We’ll be downstairs.”
There’s still a threat in there, somewhere, and Levi bites his tongue. He just
wants them gone. Doesn’t move again until they’re around the corner and heading
down the stairs. Stops biting his tongue and tries to steady his legs. Ends up
standing in front of the bedroom door and not moving. Isn’t sure, suddenly,
whether he wants to knock or turn tail and run. He could always get another
job. One where he wouldn’t have to look at Eren’s crest-fallen face every day,
but –
Levi doesn’t want to be responsible for putting that look on his face. And he
doesn’t want to walk away from this. Only realizes he’s knocked when he feels
the sting in his knuckles. Fuck. Fuck. It can’t take more than ten seconds for
the door to open, but it feels like a lot longer, and –
Eren’s entire face seems to light up, and Levi lets out the breath he hadn’t
realized he was holding.
That’s the expression he wants to put on this kid’s face.
“Hey, sorry – come in, I didn’t hear the bell – they didn’t give you too much
shit, did they?”
“I survived.”
His mouth is dry, though. Eren’s in jeans and a white t-shirt. His hair’s a
fucking disaster. He’s grinning like he is in that photo of them plastered
against each other, and – Levi really doesn’t want to walk away from this.
Swallows and steps into the room as Eren stands aside, and just barely stops
himself from jumping at the click of the door closing, but – fuck, Eren’s
outdone himself.
“You’re kidding me.”
“I – I just thought –”
“No, it’s – good, I mean, just –”
Levi cuts himself off. Doesn’t know what else to say. The bed is probably a
queen-size, and perfectly made. There’s a small fridge over in the corner, next
to the television. Everything is immaculate. The window’s open, and damn
curtains are blowing, and the room smells fresh and clean, and – there’s not a
speck of dust. Anywhere. And Eren can’t truly get what he just did for Levi.
“I – you said you like when things are clean. And – there’s food in the fridge.
Drinks, too. And –”
And two hours ago Levi was considering not coming. Jesus. Realizes that Eren’s
stopped talking. Turns around to find him looking all wide-eyed and hopeful and
earnest, and – there’s probably no one in the world who deserves this kid.
Certainly not Levi. Realizes that they’re just kind of staring at each other;
and Levi’s heart hurts and there’s a bed right behind him, and – what if Eren
wants him to push? At least a bit? What if he doesn’t know what he’s doing, and
is waiting for Levi to make the first move, and – but he doesn’t know if he
should. If he even can. And – they’re still just staring at each other. Eren’s
gone a bit pink. Looks almost embarrassed, maybe.
“I – look, I swear I didn’t just call you over here for – I just thought –”
“You don’t just want me for my hot body, then?”
It’s a joke. He’s joking. It’s supposed to funny. Eren doesn’t laugh, though.
Just blushes even worse, and – his eyes skitter down Levi’s body and away
again, like he’s not sure he’s allowed to look; and Levi might be blushing,
too. The small space between them feels like a fucking ocean. Only realizes how
badly the silence has started to stretch when he turns away. He can look like
he’s looking over the room again. Can’t look at Eren anymore or he’s going to
fucking jump him.
“Not a speck of dust. I must say, I’m –”
There’s a hand on his hip. Levi feels it everywhere. Closes his eyes. Shit.
“Is this – okay?”
Levi can’t nod quickly enough. Takes a breath as they seem to just hang there
for a second – and then Eren tugs him closer. Pulls him in against him and ends
up with his arms around Levi’s waist and his chest against Levi’s back and his
chin on Levi’s shoulder and it’s perfect. Levi can’t breathe. His heart is
slamming. So is Eren’s. Puts his hands on Eren’s arms – skin-on-skin; he’s in
nothing but that damn t-shirt – and keeps his eyes closed. Leans back. Eren
smells good and feels even better and the wind through the curtains is perfect
and the room smells clean and –
Eren just stands there and holds him.
Just stands there in the middle of their beautifully clean room and holds him
while the wind comes in through the window. Doesn’t do anything else. Doesn’t
kiss his neck, or rub circles on his arms. Just holds him.
Levi wants to keep him forever.
He’s not sure how long they stand there. He doesn’t care. His throat’s too
tight to talk, anyway. Ends up just standing and letting Eren hold him, his
chin sharp against his shoulder, and his breathing soft beside his ear, and his
heart slamming away against Levi’s back. Only finally moves when Eren
straightens and shoves his face into Levi’s hair. It almost tickles. Levi’s
chest hurts.
“Levi?”
Eren’s damn near whispering. Levi’s too fucking content to make fun of him for
it. There’s nothing but the air through the window for a moment; and then
Levi’s keeping his eyes closed as Eren turns him around, his hands gentle on
his hips. Doesn’t look as Eren’s hand slides up his side to press a thumb again
Levi’s cheekbone. Levi should be embarrassed by how hot his skin is –
Eren’s lips are soft. Levi’s heart feels like a trapped bird, fluttering behind
his ribs.
“Okay?”
Eren’s breath is warm against Levi’s mouth. Levi’s too old to feel this young.
Feels Eren smile, so Levi must have nodded. Nods again, needs Eren to know – he
wants– he wants this, he wants –
Eren kisses him until Levi’s run out of air. Keeps on kissing him after that.
Kisses him soft and sweet and this kid knows what he’s doing. Kisses him as the
wind comes in through the window and the room smells so good and Levi lets Eren
nudge him down onto the bed. Ends up sitting on the edge, and then Eren’s hands
are on his shoulders; and Levi lets Eren push him onto his back. The bed’s soft
and Eren is warm on top of him and Eren just keeps on fucking kissing him until
suddenly he’s not. Levi doesn’t know how long it takes him to open his eyes.
Eren looks about as stunned as Levi feels.
Levi still can barely breathe.
“Wow.”
Eren looks damn near cross-eyed. Actually puts his fingers on his lips. Levi
takes a deep breath.
“And here you just wanted to play video games all night.”
There’s something wrong with his voice. Eren, if anything, blushes even worse.
He’s even cute when he glares – wraps a hand around Levi’s wrist, and holds him
there, his fingers gone tight.
“I had plans, you ass. I brought a sketchpad, even, and –”
Eren shifts, and Levi closes his eyes. Eren’s practically sitting on his dick.
Realizes that Eren’s gone silent, and cracks his eyes open, to find Eren biting
his lip. Shifts again, and Levi – fuck.
“Um –”
“Eren –”
They both stop. Eren looks a bit like he’s about to pass out. Levi’s voice has
gone and left him.
Shit.
“Can we, um. Get tested before we – anything?”
Can they get tested. Before they anything.
Levi is definitely going to fall for this kid.
Grits his teeth against the ache in his chest. Tries to breathe through how
unsure Eren looks, like he thinks that Levi will say no. It’s all he can do to
nod, and – Eren smiles down at him like Levi’s just given him the world, and
Levi has to close his eyes. Realizes that Eren’s tracing his face with his
fingers, and nods again – and when Eren bends down to kiss him, he’s still
smiling.
“You’re the best.”
“Such – stellar pillow talk.”
“Part of you’s not complaining.”
“You’re sitting on it, what did you expect –”
Eren shifts, again, and Levi makes a stupid sound, and only realizes he’s
bitten down on Eren’s lip when Eren yelps and pulls back – opens his eyes to
find Eren outright grinning, now, unrepentant and bright-eyed and looking so
fucking happy; and it’s all Levi can do to keep glaring. There’s that feeling,
again, like there’s a bird behind his ribcage, right where his heart is.
“You are such a little–”

“I really like you, Levi.”
Shit.

Shit.
There’s nowhere to go. Eren’s got him pinned. Levi can’t look away as Eren
bites his lip.
“You don’t have to say anything. I just – figured you should know –”
“You too.”
He sounds like he’s been crawling around in the desert. It’s worth it when
Eren’s face goes all soft and shy and pleased; and Levi wants to make him look
like that for as long as Eren will have him, and – he should be running. Should
be ending this before it gets any worse. Should be – he shouldn’t be putting a
hand on Eren’s cheek and losing all his air as Eren damn near nuzzles into
Levi’s hand, his eyes sliding shut and that fucking adorable smile sneaking
across his face, and –
He’s not going anywhere. Not until Eren tells him to.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Notes
     I just want to sincerely thank everyone who’s left me feedback for
     this fic. Everyone who’s posted such wonderful comments here, or sent
     me super sweet messages on tumblr, or hit the kudos button. It’s all
     been so very much appreciated, and ya’ll have been so incredibly
     sweet and generous with your feedback, and, just – thank you, truly.
     Feedback is basically like air for me, and I’m so very glad I could
     write something that ya’ll seem to be enjoying so much. ♥
     (Also, warning for a bit of gross custodial stuff in this one.)
By the time Levi gets back to Erwin’s, he feels about as shaky as a newborn
kitten.
They’d ended up playing video games, after all. Had ended up lying on their
stomachs beside each other on the bed, the wind wafting in through the curtains
the entire time – and Eren had seemed relaxed in a way that Levi’s never seen
before. Had been all loose-limbed and happy, and Levi had spent the entire time
feeling like something inside his chest just kept on expanding, like the
feeling inside him was too big for his fragile human skin, and – he’s also
going to blame how much he sucks at Mario Kart on the fact that, every time
Eren had shifted beside him, Levi had damn near driven off the road. He’s never
met someone who so made him want to fuck them into the mattress, and then
cuddle them for hours and hour afterwards. He’s not even sure which one he’d
enjoy more, at this point, which is just –
It’s horrible, probably. Levi’s horrible. He’s an idiot for even being part of
this. But –
Eren had snuck kisses all afternoon. Little ones on his cheek, or his temple,
and a few more on his lips. Had been smiling the entire time. Had made Levi
coffee and played with his hair and held his hand and given him shit about
losing and had tried to draw another dog and then ended up laughing so hard at
how bad it was that Levi had ended up unable to breathe, watching him, and –
Eren had just seemed so genuinely open and honest about everything he was
feeling, and – Levi’s had a lot of sex, but today was probably the most
intimate thing he’s ever experienced.
He wonders if he’s in love with the kid. Wonders if he’d even know what that
would feel like, if it happened. Wonders if it feels like this. He’s certainly
never been like this before. He’s never – no one’s ever treated him like Eren
has. Which is maybe part of why Levi’s never felt the need to do the same for
anyone before this. Never felt the need to protect someone and make them smile
and – he’s known the kid for a month, and he’s too old for him, and he just
doesn’t fucking care.
I really like you, Levi.
Maybe Levi was never really the problem. Maybe he’s just been dating all the
wrong people.
- - -
Levi’s three beers into Erwin’s stash by the time Erwin comes home.
He’s alone, which means that Mike must have a stupidly early morning. Stares
down at Levi – he’s back on the couch, of course, his laptop balanced on his
knees – and then slides out of his coat and goes to hang it up on the coat-
rack. Comes back into the living room and sits down on the coffee table, right
in front of Levi, and Levi – he doesn’t have to work until two. This is fine.
“Bad day?”
“Opposite.”
“Oh?”
“I think I’m falling for that kid.”
“And would that be such a bad thing?”
Erwin fucking Smith. Knows every one of Levi’s issues – knows all about his
history – and still barely blinks an eye. Has never seen Levi fall for anyone,
but it doesn’t seem to matter. Levi sits up a bit and puts the laptop on the
floor, careful not to bump it. Picks up his bottle of beer again.
“I’m – not sure –”
“Because I’m pretty sure Eren has actual stars in his eyes when he looks at
you.”
“He’s seventeen.”
“That really bothers you, doesn’t it?”
“Of course it –”
“Levi, whatever this boy is doing, it’s making you happier than I’ve ever seen
you.”
He treats me like I’m something special.
“That’s not the –”
“It is the point. I’m not saying that it’ll be easy, any of it – but if Eren
has got you this turned inside out, then I’m pretty sure the last thing you
should do right now is walk away.”
Levi doesn’t want to walk away. Takes another drink of his beer. Realizes that
Erwin’s hands are on his knees, now, and his expression is earnest in a way
that’s rather endearing – and Levi snorts. Pokes Erwin in the shoulder. He’s
fucking lucky to have this ridiculous man in his life.
“Look at you. My damn relationship counselor.”
“Somebody’s gotta be here to listen to your shit.”
Erwin’s smiling, though, doing that thing where just looks unrepentantly happy
for Levi; and Levi pokes him again. Takes another swig of his beer as Erwin
gets to his feet. Stupid tall jerk.
“Now. I need food that doesn’t come out of a vending machine. Any requests?”
“Something more edible than your cookies, preferably.”
“You’re actually not that funny.”
“I really am, though.”
Erwin merely rolls his eyes at that, before heading off into the kitchen; and
Levi sits on the couch for a bit, finishing the beer in his hand, before he
makes himself stand up. If Erwin wants to brave the kitchen, then, at the very
least, it should provide some distraction from Levi’s own head.
- - -
When Levi wakes up again, his first thought is that he could get used to nights
when Mike isn’t here. Hogging half of Erwin’s bed is a hell of a lot more
pleasant than sleeping on the couch.
His second thought is the awareness that he had dreamed about Eren.
They’d been at a market, selecting fruit together. Eren had been wearing a
flowery bonnet.
What the actual fuck.
Still, he seems to be smiling. It’s a good way to start the morning.
- - -
The next few days are – well.
Levi’s surprised he doesn’t end up with emotional whiplash.
Eren ends up going on another trip to the ocean with Mikasa and Armin. Jean and
Marco and Sasha, too, this time. Levi can’t blame him. Wishes, desperately,
though, that he could go with them. Had swallowed his disappointment when Eren
had texted him apologizing, saying that, fuck, he’d forgotten what weekend it
was, and that they’d planned this for a while, and he was so sorry to kiss him
for the first time and then leave town – this kid, apparently, thinks that
they’re in a damn romance movie, or that Levi needs fucking aftercare from an
afternoon of kisses, or –
Alright, maybe not aftercare. But Levi would be lying if his stomach doesn’t
hurt a bit.
He can’t begrudge him his happiness, though. Truly doesn’t. It’s the Friday
afternoon of a long weekend, and Eren’s got no responsibilities straight
through until Monday. The kid’s been working part-time and still managing to go
to school. And he does volunteer work. And he’s making time for Levi. Anything
that gets him away from the city and to the ocean instead is a good thing.
It’s just a bit of a crash after what was probably the best day in Levi’s life.
A bit of a crash to suddenly go back to cleaning toilets without a certain
bright-eyed teenager around to make him smile, and – this is exactly why he
doesn’t do this. He gets too fucking invested. Too dependent.
He really should be able to make himself happy on his own.
It’s not a pleasant thought. Maybe he needs to get more hobbies.
He decides to spend more time drawing. That’s something, at least.
Part of it, too, could be that he hates his job. Hates it. Hates it about as
much as any customer service position he’s ever had. Comes to that realization
while standing on the damp washroom floor and leaning his forehead against the
mop. He didn’t go to school for this. Nearly quits when he spends that
afternoon cleaning up actual human shit from the floor. Ends up sitting on the
stairs at the custodial exit with his head in his hands. He can’t quit. Erwin
had taken a chance on him. And he needs money to move out. He can’t stay at
Erwin’s forever. He wants to, but he can’t.
He’s thirty-four. For nearly a decade, his degree’s been burning a hole in the
back of his mind. Maybe it’s time to try again.
He settles for getting his STI testing done instead. That, at least, is
something that he wants to do, and it’s something that still feels like being
productive, and – the idea of trying to put together a new portfolio is too
much. He wouldn’t even know where to start, at this point. He’s been out of
Vancouver’s art scene for way too long. Thinks of being twenty-six years old
and so fucking naïve. Thinks of taking his work around to anyone who would
listen, trying so hard to get noticed.
It’s not a good memory. He focuses instead on the fact that he already knows
he’s clean. Tries to swallow the irrational anxiety as he sits in the clinic
waiting room. He hasn’t had sex since an ill-advised tryst on the night of his
thirty-second birthday, when he’d gone home with some bar-crawling douchebag.
Erwin had been out of town, and Hanje and Mike had both been working. Levi had
woken up the next morning wanting to scratch off his skin. Had barely managed
to get out of the guy’s apartment without being gutted by the girlfriend, who’d
shown up unexpectedly.
He wonders if Eren has any idea what he’s getting into. Wonders if he’d still
want him.
Wonders if he’ll ever tell Eren anything about the two years he spent homeless.
He probably should, at some point. Hell, maybe the kid’s even been there
himself, too. He’d never said that he’d gone straight from living with his
father to living at a youth shelter, after all.
Though that’s another thought that Levi doesn’t want to have. Puts in his
headphones as he gets on the bus and goes straight from his early morning STI
test to work. Cleaning up after other human begins. Just what everyone wants to
do with their Saturday morning. He fucking hates this.
- - -
By the time Saturday evening rolls around he’s about three seconds away from
googling what cell reception is like on the island. Hates that he’s even
considering it. Not one text all day, and he shouldn’t care. Knows that it’s
irrational and stupid and probably really fucking unattractive. The kid’s
probably on some beach north of Tofino, at this point. Of course he doesn’t
have cell reception.
Erwin spends the night at Mike’s.
Levi spends it sitting on a swing-set down the street.
Maybe he’ll try to give up coffee again.
Sits there in the rain until he finally starts getting a bit tired. Drags his
ass back to Erwin’s apartment. Ends up crawling into bed around four, with his
alarm set for eight. And if he falls asleep wrapped around a big stupid fucking
pillow again, at least there’s nobody around to see.
- - -
Levi gets through his Sunday shift through sheer lack of choice.
Spends about an hour dealing with ketchup that some idiot had spilled in the
front foyer and then tracked everywhere.
Is back at Erwin’s for maybe ten minutes before he gets up from the couch,
takes a hot shower, finds some clean clothes, and then pulls out the folder
under the couch. Knows that Erwin will be home soon, and doesn’t want to do
this in front of him. Doesn’t want to do this in front of anyone. Takes all his
drawings and sketches and sketchpads to the laundromat down the street. It’s
self-serve and deserted, and there’s nobody around to kick him out as he
shamelessly loiters.
Two hours later and he’s ready to put most of his art into one of the washers.
He really actually doesn’t like most of it.
- - -
By the time he gets back to the apartment, Erwin’s already there. Levi puts the
folder under the couch – he’s ended up not destroying any of it, though he’s
not sure why – and wanders into the kitchen. Leans against the doorway and
realizes that his hands are clenched into fists. Erwin’s standing there in that
damn apron with flour all over the place; and he looks up and smiles at Levi.
“Ah, excellent. I was just thinking that this baking expedition needed some
witty commentary.”
He’s an idiot. A wonderful idiot. And Levi feels a bit better just looking at
him. Feels his hands unclench, and – he really doesn’t want to move out.
Doesn’t want to work full-time at some shitty job just to live in an empty
apartment, and – his face must be doing something stupid, because Erwin raises
his eyebrows. Puts down the bowl in his hands and looks a bit concerned.
“Levi –”
“Can I help?”
Levi hasn’t baked in years. Doesn’t even like baking. He’s probably more shit
at it than Erwin.
“Recipe’s on the counter.”
Erwin’s voice is soft, and his expression is way too fucking knowing; and Levi
should probably be pissed at him for that. Probably should be pissed that he’s
so see-through. He doesn’t need to be coddled.
Instead, he goes to look at the recipe. He can at least start working on the
bit with flour and eggs.
- - -
They end up making a disastrous mess in the kitchen, and then finish the night
by sitting on the living room floor and playing split-screen Minecraft, until a
creeper blows up Erwin’s castle entrance and he calmly puts down the controller
and takes a deep breath and just as calmly refuses to play anymore. Levi wants
to tease him, but he’s too busy smiling into his own hand.
It helps. It’s not perfect, but it helps. And Levi’s just crawled into bed
beside Erwin – he’s really starting to like nights when Mike isn’t around,
though he probably shouldn’t get used to it – when his phone buzzes at him from
the nightstand. He ignores Erwin’s disgruntled noise as he reaches for it.
So Im a bit drunk but I go hold of Marcos fancy phone and it has serbice an I
wanted to wish yoou sweet dreams and I will see you soon and I found you a
seashell that’s almost as pretty as you. :)
Levi’s not quite sure what kind of sound he makes, but it’s enough that Erwin
lifts his head out of the pillow to stare at him. Levi hopes to hell that he’s
not blushing. It’s probably a lost cause.
“The boy, I presume?”
“Shut it.”
“Because based on the fact that you look like a tomato –”
“You fancying a night on the floor, then?”
“It’s my bed, you –”
“Don’t care. Now bugger off and let me savour this.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
Erwin’s smiling, though, when he turns over and gives Levi some privacy. Levi
fumbles for the bedside lamp and turns it off. Needs the darkness as he reads
the text over again. Realizes that his chest is aching and his stomach is
hurting and his hands are tingly and he’s still blushing something awful, and –
how can a few words from one person make everything hurt so much less?
When you’re sober you’ll probably regret calling me pretty.
He doesn’t get an answer. He doesn’t need one. He already feels better than he
has in days.
- - -
He’s not feeling better the next evening.
There’s blood on the women’s washroom floor.
For a moment, Levi stares at it. Then, he puts the closed sign up, locks the
door from the outside, and goes to sit on the back steps again. Knows that if
he walks into Erwin’s office right now he’ll quit.
He can’t quit. He can’t.
He’s not fucking qualified for anything else.
He’s not going to cry. He hasn’t cried in years. Decades, even. He is not going
to lose it now.
“Levi?”
He hadn’t heard the door open. Takes his head out of his hands. Talk about
absolutely shitty timing. He hadn’t even known Eren was back yet. He’s not
supposed to work until tomorrow.
“You okay?”
He’s not. This is not the time for this breakdown, though. He tries to shrug,
and – and can’t. Shit.
“Levi? What –”
“I just – I don’t want to do this job anymore.”
“Anything I can do?”
“Not unless you can find me something better.”
“I’ve, uh. Already been looking, actually.”
It feels like someone has reached into Levi’s chest and tugged. Eren seems to
hesitate for a moment, and then he sits down beside him on the stairs. He looks
almost embarrassed, maybe. Wraps his arms around his knees. He’s in jeans and a
blue hoodie and he looks fucking beautiful.
“You seemed miserable, every time you were here. I’ve been watching out for
anything better.”
“You didn’t have to –”
“I know. I wanted to.”
There’s a pink tinge to his cheeks, and the tiniest hint of a smile on his
lips. And Levi –
This isn’t the place to kiss him. Not on these filthy steps. Settles, instead,
for taking his hand. He’s blushing like an idiot but it doesn’t matter; because
Eren, suddenly, looks even worse off. Stares at Levi before lacing their
fingers and leaning in to rest his head against Levi’s shoulder.
“Next time, you should come to the ocean with us.”
Eren’s voice is soft. Levi’s feeling less and less like he needs to be running
away from this.
“Anything you want, kid.”
It’s a dangerous promise to make, but – with Eren’s hand in his, it doesn’t
feel that scary.
                                       
***** Chapter 8 *****
The next few days leave Levi feeling more like a teenager than he has in
decades.
He and Eren make out everywhere.
On Erwin’s couch. On the floor. Up against the wall in the hallway. Behind a
tree in Stanley Park. On the beach out in Kits, when the sun’s gone down. In
the bathroom stalls of three separate Tim Hortons. And Levi’s – he’s going out
of his mind. Eren’s hands never go below his waist – fuck, they never even go
under his shirt – and Levi takes his cue and keeps it the same, but – the
constant thrum under his skin is fucking maddening. Keeps his hands mostly to
himself and graciously tries to ignore the way they’re both half-hard pretty
much all the time they’re in the same room. Tries to ignore how shaky Eren’s
breathing always gets by the time he pulls away and tries to put some space in
between them, flushed and dazed and his mouth all swollen.
It doesn’t help, either, that Eren continues to be an exemplary human being all
the fucking time.
If something’s fallen off the shelf at a store, Eren will stop and pick it up.
He makes friends with every cashier he meets. He picks up garbage in the park,
and carries his cans and bottles for however long it takes to find a recycling
box. He doodles horribly whenever he gets the chance, and he makes Armin a cake
for his birthday, and he paints Historia’s nails during lunch break, and –
And he keeps treating Levi like he’s something special.
Like this means something.
Leaves gorgeous little seashells for Levi to find all over the office. Tells
Levi he is pretty – straight-faced, not a joke in sight – and then kisses him
soft and sweet when Levi can’t quite look at him anymore. Nearly destroys
Erwin’s kitchen trying to make a vegan omelette. Plays with Levi’s hair and
grins like an angel whenever Levi grumbles at him. Takes Levi for long walks in
the rain and holds his hand the entire damn time. Lies in the grass with him at
the park, his head on Levi’s chest and his hand resting maddeningly on Levi’s
stomach, his fingers just barely tracing along the bottom of his shirt. Kisses
Levi like he can’t get enough of him, and scratches his nails along Levi’s
undercut in a way that makes Levi want to just roll over and beg, and –
Eren also, kindly, doesn’t say anything about the way Levi goes boneless when
Eren touches him. The way Levi can actually feel the tension seep out of his
body. It’s already embarrassing enough without either of them drawing attention
to it. Levi’s thirty-four. He shouldn’t be the one who’s always on his back,
with Eren sitting across his hips, or sitting in his lap, or pressing Levi’s
shoulders down into the grass – but it feels like being taken care of. Like
Eren truly cares. Feels like Eren actually wants him for him,and like he could
spend hours making Levi feel good.
It’s all far, far too good to be true, and Levi keeps waiting for something to
go horribly wrong.
Keeps waiting for the moment when it all comes crashing down.
It doesn’t.
- - -
About a week after Eren gets back from the ocean, they end up sitting on the
swings in the rain.
It’s just shy of midnight, and neither of them has to work the next day. The
rain is a comfortable mist, more than anything – and whoever came up with the
idea of doing the butterfly on a swing probably did not have this in mind.
Levi’s just flat-out sitting in Eren’s lap, at this point. Trying to ignore the
way Eren’s dick is pressed up against his own. His legs are on either side of
Eren’s hips, and the gentle rocking of the swing is maddening; and by the way
Eren’s breathing has gone all shaky, Levi’s not the only one who feels like all
the air has been sucked out of the park. Closes his eyes and ends up shoving
his face into Eren’s neck and resting his head against his shoulder. Eren’s
arms are tight around him and his face is in Levi’s hair and Levi can feel
Eren’s heartbeat.
        
“Levi.”
It sounds a bit strangled. Levi can’t speak. Eren’s fingers are threading
through his hair, now, and he’s holding on to Levi like he’s afraid to let go,
and – yes, it’s hot, and it’s maddening, and it’s so fucking frustrating; but
it still feels like more, somehow. It feels sweet and tender – like Eren might
actually feel something similar to the absolute wreck he’s made of Levi – and
between the rain and the fingers in his hair and the way Eren’s damn near
cradling him, Levi’s hurting everywhere.
How did they get here. How did Levi let himself get here.
“Levi.”
“What.”
And Eren – hesitates. It’s enough to make Levi nervous. Eren never hesitates.
Ever. Just spills out whatever he’s thinking or feeling and more often than not
leaves Levi shaken straight through. How a kid with Eren’s history can be that
open – that honest – is still a fucking mystery.
“I – never mind. Nothing. I –”
Levi squeezes his eyes tighter. His heart’s going to break through his ribs.
Feels Eren swallow against him. Bites back a sound as Eren shifts underneath
him, sending heat all over Levi’s body.
“I just – it’s stupid, but –”
“God, just –”
“What are you hoping to get out of this?”
Levi’s pretty sure his ears are ringing. Can’t hear over the noise in his head.
Are they doing this? Did Eren actually just – realizes that Eren is waiting for
a response; and this, here, feels a bit like a panic attack. Levi didn’t plan
for this. Thought that Eren would leave long before this came up.
“I don’t mean to – push. I just – I really like you, okay, I know that m-much
is obvious, and I’m tired of – you’re amazing to me, you always are, but I-
I need t-to know if I’m the only one who –”
Eren’s stuttering. Actually stuttering. It doesn’t feel real. Levi can’t
breathe. He needs to breathe.
“I just – I’ve been told that I get – attached. Too easily. And I j-just need
to know –”
“It’s – it’s f-fine, it’s –”
“What’s –”
“Get attached. Please.”
It’s probably the most honest Levi’s been in his whole life.
For a moment, it’s terrifying – and then Eren shoves his face into Levi’s hair
and yanks him in so tight it hurts. Digs his fingers in and makes a noise
that’s so relived it’s a bit like being punched.
“Oh, thank god, I thought I’d –”
“You’re stuck with – if – if y-you want me, you’ve got –”
Shut up, he needs to shut up –
Eren nearly topples them off the swing with how hard he kisses him.
Levi barely manages to hold on.
Ends up losing all his air and whining as Eren fists his fingers into Levi’s
hair. Ends up clinging to Eren as the swing rocks, and – Levi’s not the only
one who wants this, he’s not the only one who – the noise he makes might be a
whimper. Eren pulls back. There’s rain all down his face, and – Eren’s not
supposed to look at him like that. Has never looked at him like that. Isn’t
supposed to look so freaked out. Like Levi has the power to break his heart.
Levi’s not the only one –
“Take me home. Please.”
Levi can’t get off the swing quickly enough. Nearly trips and goes down on in
ass in the sand. Only stays upright because Eren catches him. Looks up to find
Eren looking suddenly frustrated.
“Fuck, where do we even –”
“Erwin’s out.”
“We can’t –”
“Shower.”
His voice cracks. He doesn’t care. Not when Eren’s tugging on his hand, and –
Levi holds on and lets Eren lead him through the rain. This means something,
and Levi feels a bit like he has wings.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Notes
     I truly cannot thank everyone enough for the feedback I've gotten on
     this fic. Seriously. Ya'll are an absolutely amazing bunch of people,
     and I've appreciated all the support and encouragement and kind words
     more than I can possibly say. ♥
They sneak into Erwin’s apartment like a couple of teenagers returning home
after curfew.
Levi doesn’t bother turning on any of the hallway lights. Leaves Eren alone in
the washroom, just long enough to go find his STI results. Pulls the paper out
from where he’d hidden it away under the couch. Comes back into the too-bright
bathroom, to find Eren holding a piece of paper, too.
Levi hadn’t been expecting that. Has to clear his throat.
“Been carrying that around, have you?”
“Every time we hung out.”
Eren doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed. Levi feels his dick get
even harder. Hands over the paper, and takes Eren’s. Makes himself glance it
over before he sets it on the back of the toilet and starts working on getting
his sweater over his head. Gets it off to find Eren already down to his jeans,
his hands fumbling at his waist and jesus christ he’s fucking gorgeous.
Levi only realizes how badly he’s staring when Eren’s stripped down to nothing
and flushed straight down his chest. Stands there in the harsh bathroom light
and manages to look cocky and unsure all at once. Levi can’t stop looking at
him. Everything about him is beautiful. And he wants Levi.
“Gonna lose those layers or am I having this shower alone?”
He sounds as bad as Levi feels. Turns to fiddle with the shower – Levi’s eyes
sweep down the length of him, and, god, fuck, what did he ever do to deserve
this boy – and Levi starts fumbling with his clothes. Swallows through the
horrible rush of self-consciousness as he strips everything off. Leaves his
clothes on the floor because the shower’s already running and fucking hell Eren
is –
Staring at him. Blatantly, unapologetically sweeping his eyes down the length
of him. Levi – he nearly can’t handle it, but Eren looks like he wants to eat
him alive. That helps. That helps a lot.
“Jesus, Levi.”
“Like what you see, then?”
“Get in here. Please.”
Levi doesn’t need to be told twice. Nearly trips over his damn feet as Eren
steps under the water. Climbs in behind him – tries to not slip on the bathtub
floor – and yanks the curtain shut behind him –
And then they’re just staring at each other, again. Levi’s not under the water
and it’s freezing, but – Eren’s under the spray, and he’s gorgeous, and –
Levi’s chest is aching as much as his dick. Eren’s staring at him like he’s
someone worth being stared at. Levi’s never been looked at like that.
“Can I-I –”
“Anything you – want, you can –”
“That’s a – pretty broad, um, spectrum.”
Levi shrugs. He means it. Shower sex is awkward, but Eren can have him any way
he wants. Watches as Eren looks him up and down, again, before biting his lip.
Holds out a hand, and – it’s so fucking stupid, they’re both naked and hard,
for fuck’s sake, now is not the time for romance, and –
Or maybe it is. Levi ends up with Eren’s arms wrapped around him and Eren’s
face in his hair. They’re both naked and soaked and Eren is holding him like he
cares – he does care, Levi knows this now – and it’s easily the best thing he’s
ever felt. His eyes might be burning, a bit, as Eren rubs a hand up and down
his back, but that’s – Levi’s going to say it’s from the water in his eyes.
“Can I –”
“Yes, jesus, you little –”
“Your little shit, though.”
Eren’s voice is soft, barely audible over the water, and Levi presses his face
harder into Eren’s neck. Knows that Eren feels it when he nods, because he
smiles into Levi’s hair. Presses a damp kiss there, and – wraps a hand around
Levi’s dick, and Levi holds on tighter. His knees aren’t going to hold him.
Can’t stop a groan when Eren starts to stoke him, slow and firm and fucking
hell.
“Alright?”
Levi’s hot all over. Can’t even nod. Needs to – he needs to be reciprocating,
here. Gets his mouth on Eren’s neck, at least, and tries to think over the hand
around him. Loves the way Eren’s twisting into the scrape of his teeth, making
little noises that are hotter than the sun. Mouths at the damp skin. He wants –
whines and jerks when Eren’s fingers tangle in his hair, and he should be
embarrassed, but he doesn’t care . Gets lost when Eren tugs his head back and
kisses him, again. Everything’s wet and warm and Eren’s panting against his
mouth like he’s the one with a hand on his dick, and Levi’s not even touching
him yet. Has just gotten a hand on Eren’s stomach when Eren bites his lip and
tugs and holds it, and Levi – his heart is going to break out of his ribs.
The noise he makes is frankly humiliating. Eren pulls back to look at him.
Soaked and flushed and looking just about as dazed as Levi feels. For a moment,
Eren just stands there and stares at him – and then he bites his lip, and
Levi’s throat closes up as Eren slides seamlessly to his knees.
Fuck. 
Fuck
Levi doesn’t recognize the sound he makes. Scrabbles at the wall as Eren kisses
his stomach the whole way down. Ends up with both hands in Eren’s hair. Eren
looks up at him – soaking wet, naked, and on his knees at Levi’s feet; and
that’s an image that Levi’s going to keep forever, but –
He’s too far away. He’s about to suck Levi’s dick and he’s too far away.
There is something seriously fucking wrong with Levi’s head.
“You d-don’t have to –”
“I know.”
Eren’s fingers are digging in to his legs. His voice is barely audible, where
his teeth are scraping along Levi’s thigh. Levi’s pretty sure he nearly tugs
out Eren’s hair when Eren’s lips close around him. Only realizes he’s closed
his eyes and nearly fallen when that wet heat disappears, and – Eren nudges him
backwards. Pushes him against the wall and sucks on the tip of his cock. Does
it like he wants to be there. Cups his balls with one hand and wraps the other
around his dick and closes his eyes and makes a noise like he’s enjoying this.
Like he wants Levi to feel good.
Levi can’t breathe. He’s got nothing to hold on to. He never wants to lose this
kid.
“Eren –”
“You can – keep your hands in my hair, if that – if that helps.”
“N-no, I want –”
Eren licks a hot, sinfully hot, line up the bottom of his dick, and Levi nearly
knocks himself out. Opens his eyes to find Eren staring up at him, an obvious
question there, and – Levi wants them both under the water. Wants Eren where he
can reach him. Tugs on his hair. Jerks when Eren's finger rubs in a slow circle
right below his balls. Fuck. Fuck – he wants, fuck, fuck – grinds his teeth
when Eren sucks him into his mouth again, eyes falling shut like there’s
nowhere else he’d rather be. Levi gets a hand back in his hair. The spray is
pounding down on Eren’s back and the wall behind Levi is freezing and Eren’s
mouth around him is the best thing Levi’s ever felt and Levi wants.
“Get – up – here –”
He’s surprised that Eren has any hair left. Tugs on it as Eren pulls back with
a final lick – jesus christ – and frowns up at him, before he slides to his
feet. Trails his hand up Levi’s stomach to rest across his chest. Across his
heart, even, and Levi loses his breath at how sharply his chest squeezes.
“You okay?”
Is he okay . He’s never been better in his life. Has to kiss Eren, has to –
pulls back to pant against his mouth, closes his eyes and nods when Eren puts a
hand on his cheek, and – the phrase, I want to kiss you while you come , is
never going to pass his lips, but – he can do this, at least. Wraps a hand back
around Eren’s dick and feels it burn through him when Eren inhales and grabs on
to him.
“Like t-this. I want –”
“Miss me while I was down there?”
“Shut up,just –”
But Eren’s not laughing. Sounds, actually, like he’s not getting enough air,
either, as he licks into Levi’s mouth and bites – softly – at his lip. Pulls
back and cradles his face, for a moment, looking at him like Levi is beautiful,
like Levi is someone worth being stared at; and Levi’s just about to look away
when Eren runs his hands down Levi’s back and tugs him back under the spray –
and then his hand is back on Levi’s dick, his thumb pressing underneath the
crown, sliding all the way down and back up; and Levi ends up whining like an
idiot and bucking his hips and he doesn’t care if he sounds stupid. Eren’s
still going to want him anyway. He knows Levi and he wants him anyway, and –
Levi’s heart is hurting, and his throat is going tighter with every time that
Eren shudders against him – Eren is falling apart because of Levi and it’s
fucking perfect ; and he only realizes how close he is, too, when Eren starts
making noise. Feels every little sound burn right through him. Grinds his teeth
and tries to hold on. Tightens his grip around Eren’s dick, twists his hand,
gets his free hand up and rubs his thumb across Eren’s nipple – loses his air
when Eren’s hips jerk, hard – and Eren never stops kissing him. Whines into his
mouth and never slows his hand and just keeps on kissing him and Levi wants to
keep this boy forever.
Maybe he can.
"Levi, I-I’m –”
“Come on.”
It’s an embarrassing rasp, at best, with his heart climbing up into his throat
– but it must work, because Eren inhales and puts a hand back on his cheek,
blindly, his mouth never leaving his. Whimpers Levi’s name again, and drags a
thumb across his lip in between their kisses, and Levi rubs his finger across
Eren’s nipple, again – and Eren bites Levi’s lip and jerks and shudders and
goes absolutely fucking silent as he comes all over Levi’s hand. Goes still and
silent and then shudders out a gasping breath and whines into Levi’s mouth and
goes limp, his mouth open and panting against Levi’s; and Levi could just stand
here and hold Eren up until the end of time. Only stops the slow stroke of his
hand when Eren whimpers, quietly – wraps his arms around Eren and holds on
tight as Eren struggles for air, his face dropping down to Levi’s shoulder, and
–
Levi can’t speak. Takes a breath and holds Eren even tighter, when Eren doesn’t
raise his head, and – Eren feels boneless. Feels like he never wants to move
again, and – Levi did that to him. Levi’s the one who made him feel this good;
and his stomach clenches as he rubs a hand along Eren’s back, and – how did he
get this lucky . How is he standing here, with this boy. What did Levi ever do
to deserve – his chest is tight and his eyes are burning and his throat is all
closed up.
“How are you even real.”
Eren sounds – doesn’t sound like he’s kidding. Sounds breathy and shaky and
absolutely fucking overwhelmed; and Levi loses his air as his chest pulls
tight. Jerks and twitches when Eren bites, gently, against his shoulder.
Realizes he’s probably leaving marks against Eren’s back. Manages to gentle his
hold, a bit – and then ends up clinging again when Eren’s lips slide up the
side of his neck. He’s still moving slow, though, like he’s not all there yet;
and Levi takes a deep breath.
“You don’t have t-to –”
“Did you mean it?”
Levi can barely hear him over the shower. Jerks, again, when Eren’s hand slides
up the length of his dick. Holds on tighter when Eren presses his face harder
into his neck. He never wants to let go.
“Did I-I mean-n –”
“Earlier. What you said about – about me, being stuck with you, if I – if I-
I want. Did you –”
And – Eren sound so young . So young, and so unsure, and maybe a bit scared,
and – and Levi’s the one who’s done this to him. The one who’s turned this
beautiful, brilliant boy into a shaky mess, and – it’s terrifying. It’s
absolutely terrifying. Levi should have never let them get here. Realizes that
Eren has gone still. That Levi is making him wait – that Eren feels like he’s
about to fly apart, too; that he’s put himself on the line, here, for Levi to
either complete or break – and Levi pulls Eren’s hand off his dick and laces
their fingers together. Tightens his grip when Eren swallows so hard Levi can
feel it. Levi’s eyes are stinging. If he does this, there’s no going back.
He doesn’t want to go back.
“I just – I know I’m pushing again, and I’m sorry, I just –”
“Eren.”
“If – if you don’t –”
“Of course I m-meant it, you little – how could I not –”
Levi nearly falls over with how hard Eren kisses him.
Slips and ends up against the wall as Eren catches him and holds him there.
Kisses him like he needs him to breathe. Shoves in close and they’re not even
under the water anymore and it’s cold against the wall and Levi doesn’t care .
Gets his hands into Eren’s hair just as Eren pulls back and looks – almost
sheepish, and maybe a bit embarrassed; and Levi can’t have that. Pulls him back
in and loses his air and nearly falls over again when Eren wraps a hand around
him again. Clings to Eren as Eren pants against his mouth and bites down on his
lip and Levi can’t breathe.
“I want that, too.”
And – Levi’s fucked. Closes his eyes and shoves his face into Eren’s neck.
“Is this – are you good like this?”
Levi nods. Holds on tighter as Eren’s hand settles against his lower back.
Slips in between Levi and the wall and presses against his spine. Holds him
there, and – he’s pressing kisses into his damn hair. He’s fucking jerking him
off and pressing innocent little kisses to Levi’s hair at the same time ; and
Levi is so fucked. Can’t keep his hips still. Only stays in place because
Eren’s holding him. His dick is aching and Eren’s hand is perfect and Eren
wants him , wants – Eren grips his ass, his hand sliding down, and Levi rockets
to the edge so suddenly it hurts, fuck . Eren’s fingers are tight against his
skin; and if Levi could be sticking his ass out and begging for those fingers
inside him, he would be, he – and, fuck , that’s – if Eren wants that, too,
then Levi’s going to end up fucked by a teenager before this is all over,
christ , how did he ever let himself get here, how –
“God, you’re gorgeous.”
Levi should tell him to shut up. Should hate himself for the noise he makes.
He doesn’t.
Whines and presses closer and his eyes are burning again and he’s never felt
this wanted and –
“Can’t wait to have you in a proper bed, god, can’t wait to –”
Levi trips over the edge so hard it hurts. Shakes and makes stupid noises as
the heat inside him shatters, his legs going numb and his cock jerking in
Eren’s hand and his air leaving him and his lungs have gone too tight and his
head’s fuzzy and Eren’s mouth is still in his hair and – twists away from
Eren’s hand when it’s too much, and clings to him as Eren wraps both arms
around him.
“God.”
Levi can’t speak. His lungs aren't working.
“That – god, you’re – jesus, Levi, you’re –”
Eren cuts himself off. Presses another kiss into his hair. Levi’s heart is
hurting. His legs are like rubber and the wall is fucking cold and his heart is
hurting and Eren is still holding onto him and – he’s not sure how long they
stand there, their hearts slamming together between them, and the water pouring
down on top of them. Ends up shaking his head and holding on tighter when Eren
shifts, like he wants to move them.
“Come on-n, then. Let’s get you horizontal.”
“No.”
“But –”
“Not moving.”
“Levi.”
And – Eren’s laughing, now. Huffing out a little laugh into his hair, and –
Levi’s never laughed during sex before. Never had anyone – is pretty sure he
can feel himself fall even harder. Swallows and pulls away. Can’t quite look at
Eren as Eren takes his hand and helps him out of the shower. Finally looks up
to find Eren smiling, flushed and beautiful and looking just as shaken as Levi
feels, but – he’s smiling at him, and Levi can’t help but smile back. It should
be impossible to feel this good. Only realizes how useless he’s being when
Eren’s turned off the water and gotten them both towels, wrapping Levi up in
one and brushing his hair away from his face.
“Think we can both fit on the couch?”
“Bed.”
“Is that –”
“Erwin’s not gonna care as long as we’re dressed.”
Eren, to his credit, doesn’t argue. Just nods and smiles at him again, suddenly
looking a bit shy, a new flush on his cheeks, and – Levi’s just had the best
sex of his life, and he gets to spend the night cuddling with a beautiful boy
who actually wants to be stuck with him; and he only realizes he’s closed his
eyes when Eren wraps his arms around him, pulling him in close as Levi’s heart
climbs up into his throat, and –
Eren’s stuck with him. For as long as Eren wants him to stay, Levi’s not going
anywhere.
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Notes
     TW for Levi's cleaning OCD.
They end up curled up in Erwin’s bed with Levi’s head on Eren’s chest.
He’d found Eren some boxers and a t-shirt, and then had to deal with watching
him wander around in his clothes. Levi hadn’t even realized that that was a
thing for him. Had just about been ready to tear out his hair by the time they
finally got under the blankets. Eren’s arm is around him and his fingers are
threading through Levi’s hair and Eren’s heart is hammering right under his ear
and they’re in an actual damn bed and neither of them has to go anywhere in the
morning, and –
Levi’s stomach is so full of stupid fucking butterflies that it’s a wonder he’s
able to breathe at all.
“All this time, I was afraid of pushing too hard. Afraid I’d send you running.”
Eren’s voice is soft. Levi swallows when his fingers twist into his hair.
“Same.”
It’s not much better than a croak, but at least it’s something. Feels more than
hears Eren sigh, and then Eren’s pulling at him, trying to tug him closer; and
Levi shoves his face into Eren’s neck as Eren wraps his arms around him.
They’ll never fall asleep like this, but Levi doesn’t care.
“We’re – wow. We’re kind of stupid, aren’t we.”
“Yeah, you are.”
“You – we, you jackass –”
“I dunno. I’m the one who thought of the shower.”
“And I’m the one who had the guts to ask you out in the first place –”
“Well, that probably wasn’t too clever, was it? Seeing as now you’re stuck –
we’re – stuck with –”
He can’t even – god, jesus mothering fuck, Levi is an idiot, what the hell is
wrong with –
“Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.”
It sounds – absolutely completely genuine, and kind of like Eren still can’t
believe it. Sounds like Eren thinks that he’s the lucky one, here. Like Eren is
the one getting the better end of this deal.
Levi closes his eyes and presses his face harder into Eren’s neck.
He doesn’t want tomorrow to come. Tomorrow, or the day after, or the month
after that.
He just wants to lie here for the rest of forever. Stay in this cocoon where
nothing can hurt them.
- - -
Eren eventually drifts off to sleep. Levi’s almost there, too – despite the way
he can’t breathe, despite the horrible fluttering in his stomach – when he
remembers that he forgot to clean the shower.
He spends a good thirty seconds being furious with himself – what kind of
asshole needs to windex down the fucking shower after, but – it’s not his
shower, it’s only right, and he always – afterwards, he always – spends a bit
longer lying there before giving in to the fact that he’s not going to be able
to sleep until he does it. Eren’s arm is on his chest, though. And the kid
might like him, and all; but he really doesn’t need to bear witness to just how
up fucked Levi’s head is. Doesn’t quite manage to slide out from under Eren’s
arm without waking him.
“Levi…?”
“Hush, sleepyhead. Go back to sleep.”
“But –”
“Washroom. Be right back.”
Eren’s response is a yawn that looks like it nearly cracks his jaw, his eyes
not even open and his hair everywhere; and it’s so fucking adorable that Levi
can barely look at him. Gets his shaky legs out of the bed and briefly
considers finding one of Erwin’s stupid fluffy housecoats – when did this
apartment get so cold – before deciding that it’s too much work. Turns to take
one last look at the bed, where Eren’s curled up with his arm stretched out
where Levi had been lying, and –
This is actually happening.
This isn’t some fantasy cooked up in Levi’s brain.
This is a seventeen-year-old kid curled up in his bed, wearing his clothes;
and, maybe, this is what’s known as a delayed reaction, because – this is
insane . This is – Levi is insane, for doing this. Eren’s too young for this
kind of commitment, way too young; and, fuck, what are they doing –
Right. Shower. He can deal with that, at least.
- - -
It says something that Levi can find the windex and paper towels without
turning on a single light. Fetches them from the laundry room and turns the
bathroom light to its dimmest setting as he starts scrubbing. Tries to not
think about what an idiot he is. It’s two in the goddamn morning, and instead
of being curled up with the beautiful boy in his bed, Levi’s down on his
fucking knees cleaning –
There’s a noise behind him. Levi closes his eyes.
It’s not – it’s not that Eren’s going to laugh at him. But this is still so
stupid.
“I – sorry, wanted some water.”
Levi opens his eyes. The last thing he needs is for Eren to feel guilty. Turns
around, and – with anyone else, he’d glare until they ran away. He’s pretty
sure his face isn’t doing that at all now.
“Want – um, want any help with that?”
Levi shakes his head. Watches as Eren’s eyebrows press together a bit, before –
he kneels down and puts his hands on Levi’s knees. Kisses him on the forehead
and pulls back with a small smile. He looks so sleepy and bed-tousled; and Levi
can’t even touch him. There’s windex on his hands.
“Alright. I’ll keep the bed warm.”
And – no questions. Just a smile and a fucking kiss on his forehead – and then
Eren squeezes his knees and stands up, leaving without another word; and, wow,
gratitude’s a merciless emotion. Levi has to take a moment to breathe, and then
he finishes scrubbing down the shower. Is pretty sure he doesn’t take as long
as he normally has to. Throws out the paper towel and puts the windex away, and
then gets Eren a glass of water and goes to the bedroom, his heart pounding –
The kid’s asleep again. And Levi’s always sneered at descriptions of sleeping
people as beautiful, or as looking like innocent little angels; because most of
the time it’s just mouths open and drool on pillows and arms at weird angles,
but – fuck. In Eren’s case, of course he actually looks gorgeous, and –
Levi carefully sets down the glass of water. He normally likes to ask first,
before he draws people; but Eren can always throw it out in the morning, if he
hates it.
- - -
Levi makes it until about four in the morning.
Ends up – carefully – carrying a chair into the bedroom and setting it by the
bed. Ends up with his legs crossed and his sketchpad on one knee. The apartment
is silent save for the scratch of his pencil, and the light coming in from the
streetlight outside is complete shit for drawing; but it has to do, because
like fuck is Levi going to turn on a light and risk waking Eren. Makes it until
about four – tries to catch every line, every shadow; swallows a growl every
time Eren moves, though it’s so fucking endearing at the same time that he
really can’t be pissed – and it’s only when Eren completely rolls over onto his
stomach that Levi sets the pencil down and stares at the page.
He’s not happy with it. That’s no surprise. He never is.
He got the basics, at least. Enough that you can tell who it is.
For a stomach-churning moment, he considers ripping it up and burning the
evidence. Then, Eren shifts on the bed, his face practically shoved into the
pillow; and Levi needs to not be a coward about this. Sets the sketchpad on the
night table and crawls back into bed as carefully as he can. Doesn’t dare touch
Eren for fear of waking him; but he moves close enough, at least. Closes his
eyes and very deliberately works on steadying his breathing, as Eren breathes
beside him and – Levi can barely remember the last time he cared what someone
thought of his art. He’d done his best to give up on caring when it finally
became clearly that nobody liked it enough to give him any kind of chance at
making a career out of it. That his degree had been useless.
Beside him, Eren rolls over and moves closer, making an adorably stupid little
sleepy sound.
Levi closes his eyes and carefully finds Eren’s hand under the blanket.
Maybe it really is time to try again.
- - -
When Levi wakes up again, it’s because Erwin is standing in the doorway.
For a moment, they stare at each other – and then Erwin opens his mouth, and
Levi puts a finger across his lips. If Erwin wakes Eren up on his day off, Levi
will have to strangle him. Watches as Erwin’s face goes through a series of
emotions and finally settles on something that looks horribly amused – god, it
is too early for this, why is Erwin already home – and then he rubs a hand over
his face and walks away. Levi gives himself about half a minute longer to wake
up before he drags his legs over the side of the bed, and then wanders into the
kitchen where Erwin is –
Sitting at the counter and smirking at him. Levi wants to punch him.
“Not a word.”
“I assume my bed is safe?”
“Of course, you ass, I wouldn’t –”
“He’s rather adorable when he’s sleeping, isn’t he?”
“I will punch you.”
“Please don’t.”
Of course Mike is here, too. Standing in the living room doorway and taking off
his jacket, grinning like Levi is the most hilarious shit he’s ever seen; and
Levi looks between him and Erwin – who is still fucking smirking, the ass – and
feels his teeth grind together. Stupid blonde jerks . It’s – god, the clock’s
not even reading seven, yet, why the hell aren’t they still at Mike’s.
“You two just stay the fuck out here and don’t wake up that kid, alright? It’s
his day off –”
“It’s yours, too, isn’t it?”
It sounds deceptively casual. Levi feels his eyes narrow. Erwin’s smirk has
become more of a smile.
“So?”
“So, why don’t you go get back in there?”
And – Levi is going to punch him. Or hug him. Maybe both. Punch him for knowing
Levi too well, and hug him for… knowing Levi too well. Levi doesn’t know what
his own face is doing; but Erwin raises his eyebrows, just slightly, and Levi
lets out the air he hadn’t realized he’d been holding.
“I – right. You don’t care if –”
“We got enough sleep. Go snuggle your cute little boyfriend.”
“Suck a lemon, jackass.”
Mike just grins at him some more. Erwin’s still smiling at him, though, looking
horribly fond; and Levi gnaws on his lip and damn near sticks his hands in his
pockets. Fuck. This is so stupid.
“Um – right. Thanks.”
“Oh, god, just go and monopolize our bed already, alright?”
“Nobody asked for your opinion.”
Erwin’s watching them like it’s the best thing he’s ever seen, and Mike’s
looking way too pleased with himself; and Levi is just considering throwing
something at him when Erwin reaches across the counter and tugs on his hair.
Gets his hand back just before Levi can swat him.
“Stop that –”
“I’ll leave some scrambled eggs in the fridge for later, alright?”
“You’d damn well better.”
It’s a thank you. Knows that Erwin knows that it’s a thank you. Watches as
Erwin smiles at him some more, doing that thing where he just looks so fucking
happy for him – and Levi turns and leaves before he can say something stupid.
He’ll give Erwin a stupid hug later, or something. Sneaks back into the
bedroom, where Eren hasn’t moved; and Levi should let him be. Shouldn’t wake
him up. Isn’t going to wake him up. Wants to wrap around him – settles for
sliding in beside him until they’re touching at the elbows and shoulders,
Eren’s body warm against his, and –
Sleep. They can just sleep the day away. And when they wake up, Levi will make
some coffee, and they’ll eat Erwin’s bad scrambled eggs, and they can maybe
possibly cuddle on the couch for a while, and then maybe find another park to
make out at, and – Levi closes his eyes and reaches for Eren’s hand again,
holding on to it underneath the blankets, being careful not to wake him.
Maybe he’ll show Eren some of his sketches.
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Notes
     TW for some more OCD related stuff.
Levi chickens out.
Of course he does.
Hides his sketch of Eren in with all the others and shoves it all back
underneath Erwin’s couch. Spends the next couple of weeks in some kind of
horrible sex purgatory – Eren seems ready to tear his hair out, too, but where
the hell are they supposed to go – until they finally get another night where
Erwin isn’t home. This time, Levi doesn’t protest when Eren slides to his knees
and sucks him off until Levi’s fucking whining with it and damn near pulling
out Eren’s hair. Ends up making stupid noises when Eren closes his eyes and
holds his hips still as Levi comes in his mouth, everything inside him going
white and hot – opens his eyes to find Eren resting his head against Levi’s
thigh, his eyes closed and his expression desperate and his hand around his own
dick.
Levi feels like all the air’s been punched out of him. Ends up on his knees,
too, as Eren spits out come – it should be disgusting, why isn’t it disgusting
– and bites his lip and whimpers and spills all over his own hand. Wraps his
arms around Eren and holds him while he sticks his face into Levi’s shoulder
and shakes, the water pouring down on them, and – jesus, the kid just jerked
off at his feet like something out of porno; this is not the time for Levi to
be getting butterflies.
“Levi.”
Eren sounds wrecked , though, and – Levi closes his eyes and holds on tighter.
He’s going to give himself away, but Eren’s holding him back just as tight.
Levi can’t breathe. What are they doing.
“Come on-n. Let’s – bed. Let’s get –”
This time, it’s Eren who shakes his head. Levi feels himself nuzzle helplessly
into Eren’s hair. They don’t need to move. They can stay here for as long as
Eren needs. Levi’s heart is racing. The water’s still warm and Eren feels
fucking perfect against him. How did Levi get this lucky.
“I can – I can clean the shower, this time.”
Eren’s voice is barely audible, still shaky, and – it feels like a panic
attack. He doesn’t know how long Eren gives him before he rubs a hand down his
back, somehow pulling him in even closer; and Levi – he’s in so much trouble,
oh, god. He wants to twist away, but – he wants to be closer.
“Levi?”
“You – you don’t have –”
“I know. And it’s your call.”
Levi’s not getting enough air. Doesn’t know how much longer they kneel there
before Eren tightens his grip around him to the point that Levi can barely
breathe, and then loosens it again.
“Find me some dry clothes, and I’ll meet you in the bedroom?”
Eren’s voice is a bit steadier, and far too soft and sweet; and Levi’s throat
has closed up. Nods as best he can, and then still doesn’t move until Eren
nudges him. Can feel his legs protesting as Eren pulls them both up to their
feet, and – he can’t look at Eren, until Eren tilts his chin up and kisses him;
and Levi realizes he’s standing there with his hands balled at his side – but
he can’t move.
“Come on. Bed.”
Levi nods and gets out of the shower. Hands Eren a towel – doesn’t miss the way
Eren’s smiling at him, like Levi’s the best thing he’s ever seen – and then –
his cheeks are burning, and he wraps a towel around his own waist and gets out
of there. Is still sitting on Erwin’s bed in nothing but the damn towel when
Eren comes in. Takes one look at him and raises his eyebrows.
“Clothes?”
Levi’s bag of clothes is out in the living room. God, he’s – he’s making a big
deal out of – alright, it is something. He only realizes he’s stood up – he can
at least go find the kid something to wear – when Eren steps in front of him
and puts a hand on his hip, his expression concerned.
“Too much?”
Maybe.

Stop being so perfect.
Stop making me fall for you.
“Levi?”
“You like that green t-shirt, right?”
Eren nods, and steps aside. Let’s him go without a word. Levi wants to kiss him
all over again. Makes it down the hall and then stands in the living room and
just tries to breathe. Nobody’s ever – other than Erwin, nobody’s ever stuck
around long enough to get a glimpse inside Levi’s head; and here Eren is,
taking a part of himself that Levi hates, and making something less fucking
miserable out of it.
Maybe this is what it feels like when you start letting someone in.
It’s terrifying.
Absolutely terrifying.
Levi’s fallen for a teenager who treats him like gold, and – Levi’s going to go
right back into that room and cuddle that kid for the rest of the night, while
he still can – because this can’t last forever, no matter how fond Eren is of
him. Grabs some boxers and the green shirt and a black one for himself, and
then hauls it all back into the bedroom, where Eren’s leaning against the
windowsill. Looking like something out of a panting as he stands there in
nothing but a towel, with his stupidly perfect beautiful shoulders and his
stupidly perfect ridiculous gorgeous hair, and with all of him silhouetted by
the streetlight outside the window; and Levi’s fingers twitch. He needs to draw
this kid.
“Auditioning for the part in some artsty gay avant garde film?”
“Only if you’re the artist.”
The butterflies return tenfold. Levi thinks of the sketch he has shoved under
the couch. Swallows when Eren turns around to smile at him, the towel barely
staying around his waist – reaches out for the clothes in Levi’s hand, and then
strips off the towel and hangs it over the end of the bed. Levi feels his
cheeks heat up. Feels his pulse jump up to thundering. Realizes that he’s
shamelessly staring as Eren slides into his boxers and shirt, and then blushes
a bit worse than Eren tugs at his towel, too. Takes it and folds them both as
Levi gets dressed, and then slides under the covers as Eren leaves the room.
Probably to put the towels in the laundry pile. Christ.
Levi curls into a ball. Is still like that when Eren comes back into the room,
closes the door, and slides in behind him, wrapping himself around him and
pulling Levi as close as they can possibly get.
Levi closes his eyes. Breathes, for a moment, and then turns until his face is
pressed into Eren’s neck, instead. Feels their legs tangle together and feels
Eren’s heart slamming against his own.
“Comfortable?”
He already sounds sleepy, and Levi nods. Knows he’s hiding, but he doesn’t
care.
Thank you.
The words stick, and he squeezes his eyes tighter.
He should have never let Eren get this close.
***** Chapter 12 *****
Chapter Notes
     (Warning for spoilers for My Neighbour Totoro).
It’s two weeks after that second night in the shower – two more weeks of sex
purgatory, and two weeks of cleaning toilets, and eating shit food from the
work vending machines, and not getting enough sleep; and, somehow, having a
bright-eyed kid there to get him through it all, with stolen kisses in the
custodial closet and stupid beautiful little doodles left on Levi’s supply
cart, which, christ, Levi should not be keeping every single one of them – that
Erwin calls him out on his crap.
Levi should have known. The bastard was always far too good at seeing straight
through him.
They spend the night having the most horribly nerdy and ridiculous double-date
to ever grace the damn planet. Levi ends up sitting on the floor between Eren’s
legs in front of the TV, with Erwin shamelessly snuggled up against Mike beside
them, and all four of them leaning against the couch and playing split-screen
Minecraft like they’re getting paid to do it; and Levi only realizes how truly
happy he is when he realizes that even he’s smirking as Mike fucks up and leads
a creeper straight into the middle of their wheat farm. Eren’s soft little
noise of utter dismay as everything gets blown all to hell is endearing as
fuck; and Levi lowers the controller and leans back harder against him. Closes
his eyes and swallows when Eren sets down his own controller and wraps his arms
around him, even as Erwin and Mike continue snarking at each other, though
Erwin’s laughing like an idiot in between bouts of giving Mike shit for fucking
up all their crops.
It’s nice. It’s more than nice. God, it’s perfect. The four of them should just
get a place together.
Except –
He needs to drop that idea, pretty much immediately. It’s been – two months,
since he and Eren met? And Eren is a high school student who’s barely working
part-time. There’s no way he’s getting his own place any time soon, and – Levi
can’t count on him to still be around, whenever the kid wants to go for his
first apartment. Doesn’t know if Eren would even want to share with him.
God, Levi would be hell to live with.
“Levi?”
“Mmm.”
“Alright?”
He’s got Eren practically nuzzling against his neck. Of course he’s alright.
Knows he needs to grab these moments and hold on to them, for when he doesn’t
get any more. Snuggles closer and turns until his head is resting right against
Eren’s shoulder. He doesn’t even give a fuck about Erwin and Mike being there.
That had been blown to hell the first time Eren kissed him goodbye on the cheek
in front of them, and then blushed his way out the door. Levi’s never been one
for public affection, but if Eren can be brave enough to do it, then Levi is
damn well going to follow suit.
“Ka.”
It’s barely a murmur. He can hear Eren smiling. Holds him a bit tighter and
presses his face into Levi’s hair, and – what did Levi do to deserve this kid.
He’s a top student who’s got a gaggle of friends, and he’s going to have his
pick of colleges and universities, and he’s got the eyes and hair and body of a
goddamn porn star, and sex seems about as natural to him as breathing – Levi
still kind of wants to ask how Eren got that, well, good at it; but at the same
time he really doesn’t want to know – and Levi still can’t get his shit
together long enough to stop cleaning toilets.
And yet here Eren is. Snuggled up with him.
It doesn’t make any fucking sense.
Finds himself barely able to breathe by the time Eren kisses him goodbye.
Stares at Levi with this horribly fond expression, like Levi is the best thing
he’s ever seen, and then rests his head on his shoulder and holds his hand
until the bus gets there; and by the time Eren’s gone for the night and Levi’s
wandered back into the apartment, he still feels a bit shaky. Maybe he’ll spend
the night dicking around on the Canadian job bank, or something. Anything.
Wanders into the kitchen to find Erwin leaning up against the fridge, head
tilted a bit, as though he’s studying him.
Levi can’t stop a scowl. Is glad that Mike already left. At least he’s not
being stared at by both of them.
“What?”
“Can we talk?”
“Ugh, you did not just –”
“I’m serious.”
And – he looks it, too. Levi feels his teeth grind. He should say no. Should
walk away. Knows that Erwin would let him. Erwin knows when to push, and when
not to, and – Levi’s pretty sure he’s not going to like where this is going. Is
definitely sure that he should be immune to Erwin’s puppy eyes by now. How a
guy Erwin’s size can even have puppy eyes is still a fucking mystery.
“Ugh. Fuck you, fine. What.”
“That boy is clearly head-over-heels for you –”
“I hate you.”
“And watching you stare at him like you’re expecting him to vanish –”
“You’re an asshole, you know that, right?”
“I’m trying to help.”
Erwin looks almost pleading, suddenly; and Levi should want to punch him.
Shouldn’t feel like someone’s reached into his chest and twisted. Erwin has his
hands up, and he’s got those damn puppy eyes, and – Erwin never does this.
Never. Levi takes a breath. He should just walk away.
“You have one minute.”
Erwin’s hands come down, slowly. Levi’s chest has gone tight.
“Are you sure –”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, just –”
“Look, alright, part of the reason I ever got anywhere near you is that I never
tried to sleep with you.”
“Oh, christ, are you even–”
“You never felt any real need to impress me, and you never had to worry about
me leaving and hurting you, which is why I eventually got the real you – and it
still took me years to get there.”
They’re – fuck. They’re actually having this conversation. Levi would rather
break his own nose.
“My point, alright, is that I know how hard it is for you to let people in – I
had a front row seat, after the two of us met. And I’ve never seen anyonecrash
through your defenses like Eren has –”
“You done?”
“I just – I want you to know that you don’t have to muddle through this on your
own, alright? That you can talk to me about it.”
“Why, because having my psyche analyzed by you is just so much fucking fun?”
“I’m not –”
“Yes, you are –”
“Levi, the other night that kid had his arms wrapped around you, and he was
playing with your hair and just being all-around adorable – and you looked like
someone had kicked your kitten.”
And – alright. Levi hadn’t quite been aware of that. Opens his mouth – closes
it again. Realizes that Erwin’s just kind of watching him, looking a bit sad;
and Levi suddenly feels more exhausted than angry. Finds a place on the floor
to stare at. How did he become so hopeless at this.
“He’s – christ, Erwin, he’s seventeen.”
“I know.”
Levi can’t look at him. Hates how understanding his voice is.
“Levi –”
“And – and he’s gorgeous,okay, he’s – the kid’s got everything going for him.
Smart, and young, and funny, and –”
“Maybe he’s –”
“And it’s only been two months, god, why are we even having this conversation
–”
“And you’ve smiled more in the last two months than you have in the last two
years.”
Levi still can’t look at him. Knows it’s true. He’s never – hell, he’d never
thought that being insecure was his thing, but – maybe he’d never had anyone to
feel so insecure about. Even Erwin – because Erwin is an idiot if he thinks
that Levi had never been worried about him leaving – had been different. Had
been a roof to sleep under. Had become a friend. Had gradually become Levi’s
best friend. And Levi needs him, too, but – he’s never been in love with him;
and there is a world of difference there. When it comes to Eren, it’s
butterflies and lying awake at night and wanting to draw his smile and wanting
to wrap himself around him forever and wanting to kiss every inch of his body
and wanting – needing – Eren to need him, too; and Levi can’t imagine going
back to living without him, and that’s fucking terrifying, because it’s only
been two months.
Two months of Levi feeling more alive than he has in decades.
“I just –”
“So what you’re saying is to stop being so chicken shit about all this?”
“What I’m saying is to stop expecting things to go wrong.”
“I’m –”
“I don’t know Eren, obviously, and I’d never try to tell you how much of
yourself to give to him, or how quickly you should let him, because you’re the
only one who can figure that out, but –”
“You’re worse than a damn relationship counselor, you know that?”
“But please, at least try to stop worrying so much, and – and don’t let what
might eventually happen spoil whatever time you do have him with him, alright?
That’s – that’s all I’m trying to say, here.”
Levi only gets his eyes up off the floor when the silence starts dragging.
Erwin’s still watching him, looking almost as exhausted as Levi feels; and Levi
grits his teeth, because – every word out of Erwin’s mouth is true. And Levi’s
been doing his best to not fucking think about any of it.
“Pissed at me?”
“No.”
“Lies.”
“No, it’s – you’re right. All of it. You’re just a fucking jackass for making
me admit to it.”
“You can psychoanalyze my relationship with Mike, if it’ll help.”
“Are you kidding? I’d have you bawling in seconds.”
“That may very well be true.”
Erwin still looks exhausted, but there’s the tiniest hint of a maybe wry smile
there; and Levi takes a deep breath. He feels like he’s been put through an
emotional wringer. Maybe because he has. Maybe it needed to happen. Maybe –
realizes that Erwin’s put a hand on his elbow, and looks up at him. He should
probably want to punch him. Doesn’t, though. He just feels tired.
“I just want you to be happy, Levi. I’ve spent years wanting that. And I’m
sorry if I –”
“Oh, shut it, you idiot. We’re fine. You’re just –”
“Stupid?”
“Incredibly stupid.”
Erwin’s smile has gone all soft, like being called stupid is the highest form
of endearment; and Levi looks away. Stupid sappy jerk. Is just about to pull
away when Erwin squeezes his arm.
“So how about this, then. Neither of us has to go in tomorrow. I hid some beer
away –”
“Did you plan this conversation?”
“Yes.”
Levi’s – he’s not even surprised. Glares up at Erwin as Erwin smirks down at
him.
“Asshole.”
“Maybe a bit, yeah.”
“An absolute fucking –”
“So, how about we get shitfaced and act like dorks and maybe watch –”
“I am not watching –”
“– a movie of your choice, is what I was going to – and then you can monopolize
my bed. Deal?”
“As long as it’s not the fucking Lion King, again, I don’t care.”
Erwin barely has the good grace to look embarrassed. If anything, he sticks his
nose a bit higher.
“It’s a classic.”
“And you’re a masochist.”
“This from the guy who enjoys Bambi.”
Levi’s not even going to dignify that with a response. Mostly because – yeah,
alright, it’s probably as bad as the Lion King. Realizes that Erwin’s looking a
bit too pleased with himself. Shoves Erwin away, and glares when Erwin only
grins at him and lets himself be shoved. Levi would have to play dirty if he
ever wanted to move Erwin when Erwin didn’t want to be moved.
“Fine, you presumptuous ass. Why don’t you go find this magical beer of yours,
and I’ll find Bambi?”
“Wait, you actually –”
“Consider it payback for being a meddling jerk.”
“I’m trying to help –”
“Bambi.”
“But –”
“Bambi.”
Levi’s probably more baring his teeth than grinning, at this point, and – Erwin
looks absolutely miserable. Blinks unhappily at Levi for a moment before he
sighs and leaves the room; and Levi – feels the smile drop, and takes a breath
and closes his eyes. He’s not actually going to make the poor bastard watch
Bambi – Erwin is trying to help; and the kicker is that he’s right about all of
it, and – maybe Levi needs to actually take his advice. Needs to try, at least.
Needs to stop thinking that Eren’s going to bail at any point – because, maybe,
not only is it unfair to himself, but it’s probably not fair to Eren, either.
Not when all that Eren’s ever done has been to treat Levi like gold.
All this time, I was afraid of pushing too hard. Afraid I’d send you running.
Levi takes another deep breath.
Alright. 
He’s going to try. He might get himself hurt even worse, in the end – but he’s
going to try.
- - -
They get drunk and watch My Neighbour Totoro.
Make it until about when the cat-bus shows up to save the day before Erwin puts
his face in his hands and asks why Levi had ever dragged him into anime, when
it’s all so insane and heart-breaking. Levi doesn’t offer even an inch of an
apology. Settles for a pleased smirk as he goes to find more beer. Erwin had
even bought his favourite kind – twenty-four bottles of it. Conniving, scheming
jackass. Levi’s not surprised that, by the end of the movie, with about seven
bottles in each of them, they end up nearly falling off the couch, both of them
trying to fit at the same time.
“It’s your stupid legs.”
“And your allergy to sharing space.”
“Piss off.”
Erwin just makes an amused sound, and Levi lets himself sink a bit deeper into
the couch. He’s curled up in the corner with Erwin’s head on his knee, and his
stupid long legs hanging over the end of the couch, and – hell, the last time
they were in this position, Erwin had offered him a job.
A job that had led him to Eren.
Levi swallows and tugs at some of Erwin’s hair, and Erwin smiles, his eyes
still closed.
He’s always owed Erwin. Has always felt like he’d never manage to pay him back,
completely, but – this is something he can’t feel at all torn about. Levi
wouldn’t take back the last two months for anything. Not when he finally knows
what it feels like to be in a relationship that doesn’t make him want to
scratch off his skin. Now when he knows what it’s like to be wanted.
Isn’t sure how long they sit there before Erwin just flat-out rolls off the
couch onto the floor.
The snort Levi makes is far from attractive. He doesn’t fucking care.
“Alright. I’m done. There’s half a bed waiting for you.”
“I’ll be there in a bit.”
Because he has an idea. And maybe it’s only a good idea because he’s drunk. But
he’s going to do it, anyway. Watches as Erwin smiles at him and picks himself
off the floor – swats at him when he ruffles Levi’s hair, like the ass he is –
and then weaves his way out of the room. Levi sits there until he hears Erwin’s
door close, and then he pulls his artwork out from under the couch. Pulls out
the drawing of Eren and sets it on the table and pulls out his cellphone, and –
Ends up staring at the photo of him and Eren, the night they got dressed up
together. Stares at the photos they’ve added since then – Eren napping under a
tree at Stanley Park; Levi standing in front of the Georgia Strait, his back to
the camera and the mountains out in front of him; a horribly adorable shot of
them snuggled up together in Victoria Park, with their cheeks shoved together
and Eren grinning his face off and Levi looking so content he can barely stand
to look at it – and – his heart is fucking slamming and his hands aren’t steady
and things are hazy, but – he needs to do this. Needs to do this while he has
the courage. Has to take several pictures of his drawing of Eren before he gets
one that isn’t fuzzy. Hits send and then promptly ends up unable to breathe and
shoves his face into the couch. Lies there on his stomach as the room spins. He
needs to – fuck, he can’t just send that without some kind of explanation. That
would be even worse.
Dreew this. Wasn’t sure if you’d like it. If nott, I’ll get rid of it. Just
thgought you should know.
As far as romantic declarations go, it’s not exactly a love sonnet, but – it’s
sent, at least. And now – he knows there’s a bed, on the other side of the
apartment. But the couch is comfortable, for once. Only realizes he must have
drifted when he opens his eyes to find Erwin frowning down at him. He’s wearing
that stupid pink fluffy housecoat and his hair is a mess and he’s looking at
Levi like Levi is the worst ever; and Levi thinks he’d be amused, if he wasn’t
so tired.
“What.”
“I have a bed, you know.”
“Too far.”
“I could carry you.”
“No.”
“Levi.”
It’s close to a whine, because Erwin’s even more ridiculous when he’s drunk;
and Levi sticks out his hands and lets Erwin pull him to his feet. Smothers a
yawn as Erwin turns out the living room light. Somehow makes it down the hall
without falling on his ass, and smirks when he nudges Erwin out of the way to
get the bed. Ends up face-planting into the pillow while Erwin makes an
unimpressed grumbling noise and climbs in beside him. Turns off the light, and
– Levi wraps his arms around his pillow, and takes a breath against the way the
room spins when he closes his eyes.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Levi’s glad that Erwin is gone by the time he wakes up the next morning.
There’s no one to see him as Levi sits on the couch with his head in his hands.
Erwin hadn’t cleaned up all the sketches and papers Levi had left strewn all
over the couch and table and living room floor. Had known better than to touch.
Levi can’t even be embarrassed about leaving everything lying around – god,
could he be more obvious about how fucked up he is over his own damn work –
because he’s too busy feeling grateful for how well Erwin knows him.
That, though, doesn’t help much with the absolute panic where Eren is
concerned.
This is why Levi hadn’t shown him the sketch. Because you don’t draw someone
like that unless you love them. Knows that it’s got to be painfully obvious.
And now he’s dumped that drawing right into Eren’s lap – he might as well have
stood on top of one of the mountains and shouted his feelings out loud. And
it’s four o’clock in the afternoon and Eren still hasn’t texted him back.
Levi takes a shower. Finds the comfiest clothes he has. Scrubs the kitchen
counters until they shine.
Eren will be okay without him.
That’s the kicker, really. That the kid likes him – obviously likes him; likes
him a fuck of a lot, even, and wants him to stay – actually wants to be stuck
with him – but he’s not like Levi. He’s a teenager with his life ahead of him,
and, sure, Levi might have the ability to hurt him; and when they go their
separate ways, it’ll probably sting for a bit – but he’ll bounce back. He’s a
kid, and he has a support system a mile wide. He’ll get it together and he’ll
go on with his life and Levi will be a memory. The older guy with the art
degree and the weird cleaning thing.
Levi, on the other hand – he’s gone his whole life without ever feeling like
this, and –
He won’t be as okay, when they’re done.
And it’s his own damn fault for letting Eren in in the first place.
- - -
By the time it’s almost seven Levi has the apartment absolutely spotless.
It just considering finishing off the rest of their beer and curling up on the
couch when his phone buzzes.
For a moment, he stands there. Then, he pulls it out of his pocket. It’s a
number he doesn’t know.
Hey, hot stuff. Sorry for the random text – my phone’s MIA. Got any plans for
this evening?
The feeling inside him is a horribly lot like laughter. He’s glad he doesn’t.
It would probably be hysterical. What has this kid done to him. Takes a moment
to shove his forehead hard against the fridge and – considers hitting it a few
times, but that’s not going to help anything; and, god, he needs to just find
his spine and show Eren that sketch in person, so Levi’s not stuck in some kind
of horrible waiting game until Eren finds his phone, and – nearly drops his own
phone, suddenly.
Eren’s phone is missing, and he still knows Levi’s number.
Either he memorized it, or he took the time to write it down somewhere.
Either way, it helps. It might not be much, but it helps. Levi’s maybe,
possibly, smiling a bit.
Oh, nothing all that scintillating. Got any ideas?
Yes, actually. The terrible trio are throwing a party. Mikasa and Sasha are out
on the island, but Armin and I are going, and so are Ymir and Historia, and I
think Jean and Marco are gonna show up, too… I know crowds aren’t your thing,
but if I promise places to hide away, any chance you fancy joining us?
And – yeah, fantastic. That’s just what Levi needs. A house party full of
teenagers.
I don’t know a single person there.
That’s kind of the point, man. To the rest of the office, you’re still just
that weird guy who cleans.
You’re an asshole.
And yet you still think I’m adorable. :) If you don’t want to, though, that’s
totally cool. I’d love for ya to meet Armin at some point, but the three of us
can totally do something on our own later.
He should say no. He has an out. He could say no, and he wouldn’t even need to
come up with an excuse. Eren would get it. But – he’s been at the call center
for a month, and he’s – maybe a bit curious. Ymir, especially, seems like
someone he might actually get along with. From what he’s seen of her, she’s got
the same disdain for people that Levi does. And he really should meet Armin.
God, Eren wants him to meet Armin. Armin’s practically family. Levi’s not going
to say no.
What time should I be there?
You’re the best. :D Ummm shall we say nine?
You owe me.
Oh, I’m sure I can find some way to thank you. ;)
There’s a damn winking emoticon and everything and it’s so fucking corny and
Levi should not be blushing. Closes his eyes. Needs to – he needs to have
another shower and find something to wear. Something – what the fuck is he even
going to wear? He hasn’t been to a house party in years.
Oh, god. Erwin’s going to laugh until he cries.
Levi shoves his forehead back against the fridge again.
Fuck. 
- - -
Hell exists on earth. Levi knows, because he’s found it.
He ends up standing in the corner, watching Jean do shots off of Marco’s
stomach, while Ymir cackles and feeds beer to Historia, and Connie chases Armin
around, laughing and trying to tickle him. Eren hadn’t even bothered to
officially introduce Levi to anyone. Had let him beeline for the corner.
Bertolt had come over, once, to hand him a beer, before wandering back to where
Annie and Reiner are still trying to drunkenly arm wrestle each other into
submission, Reiner grinning like a wolf, and Annie looking supremely bored save
for the dangerous glint in her eyes.
Levi’s surrounded by teenagers. Drunk, stupid, ridiculous, young-as-fuck
teenagers.
But Eren keeps making the rounds and then coming back to him, tipsy and silly
and grinning his face off and never leaving without at least a kiss on his
cheek, or a squeeze of his hand, and –
Alright, maybe it’s not hell on earth. Eren’s in jeans that look painted on,
too, and a t-shirt that’s so tight it should be illegal. Levi can’t really
complain about the view, at least. Especially given that he knows now what’s
underneath it, and – the middle of a party is not the place to be getting
turned on. Not unless they can make use of that damn guest room. Levi really
needs his own apartment. If nothing else, it would at least give Eren a whole
collection of surfaces to fuck him over.
Christ.
He takes a sip of his beer, and tries to ignore how hot his cheeks are.
This is stupid. He’s old and awkward, not hopeless; and he’s acting like an
idiot. Downs another good bit of his beer and tries to ignore how tight his
stomach pulls as he wanders over to where Eren is fucking braiding Armin’s hair
as Connie laughs, the three of them sitting cross-legged on the floor. Tries to
breathe through the way Eren’s smile goes blinding when Levi sits down with
them.
“Get lonely in your corner?”
“You wanted me to meet people. I’m meeting people.”
“Armin, Connie, meet Levi. Levi, meet –”
“Yes, we get it, you’re the king of hilarity.”
Armin makes a noise that sounds amused, maybe, where he’s sitting with his back
to Eren, letting Eren play with his hair – and Eren just grins harder, and then
squeezes Armin’s shoulders and scoots across the floor. Lies down on his back
with his head on Levi’s knee, easy as that. Levi’s heart starts racing. He has
to concentrate on listening when Armin turns back to them, too, and Connie
takes another swig of his beer. Levi hasn’t sat in a circle of teenagers since
he was one.
“I’ve always wanted to say hello. Eren speaks very highly of you –”
“Armin –”
“But you’ve always seemed pretty busy at work, so I figured –”
“You also do a thing with your face that makes you pretty unapproachable.”
“Connie!”
Eren looks a bit like he wants to strangle both of them. Levi hides a smile in
his beer.
“Well, he does!”
“That doesn’t mean you should –”
“Frankly, I’m still surprised you ever managed to talk to me.”
And – alright, Levi probably shouldn’t have said that; but Eren just smiles up
at him. Levi wants to put his hand in his hair. Isn’t sure if he can get away
with it here. There are too many people. Though at least the music’s not that
horrendous. Takes a breath when Eren flicks him on the knee.
“And pass up the chance to get with the hottest custodian in Vancouver?”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Your idiot, though.”
He’s gone practically doe-eyed, where he’s staring up at him; and Levi flushes
and takes a desperate drink of his beer. Bites his tongue when Eren closes his
eyes and curls a hand into his jeans. Wonders how much these twerps have all
already had to drink. Armin’s the only one who looks at all sober.
“Actually, though, you should have heard him. It was hilarious.”
Levi’s not even sure when Jean stopped doing shots off Marco’s stomach. Looks
up to find him weaving and grinning at Eren, as Eren cracks his eyes open and
glares at him. Upside down and flushed and looking like he never wants to move
again, it’s not exactly the most effective glare.
“Piss off, Kirstein.”
“First it was guys the custodian’s so hot I can barely even look at him and
then it became Levi this, and Levi that, and then it was oh god guys help I
think I’m falling in love with him what ever do I–”
“Jean.”
Levi’s head is full of white noise. Eren doesn’t look sleepy anymore. Looks
absolutely freaked out. Levi – he can’t breathe. And Jean – it’s like Levi can
actually see his eyes focus. Watches as he glances from Eren to Levi, blinking,
before he swallows, his face losing its colour.
“Oh. Oh, fuck, I’m sorry, I –”
“I hate you, I h-hate you so much , y-you – you asshole –”
“Guys. Do this later, maybe?”
Levi would be impressed by Armin, if he wasn’t so busy having a meltdown.
Eren’s not leaning against his knee anymore. Is sitting up and not looking at
him. Glaring at Jean, and looking horribly uncomfortable. The music is suddenly
deafening and Eren’s flushed a deep red and Levi should feel panicked – but he
doesn’t. Feels like he’s flying. Feels like he can do anything, and – he can’t
say what he wants to here. Not with everyone around them. Not with the music so
loud.
“That spare room still available?”
Distantly, he knows that everyone else is staring at them. Eren swallows so
hard Levi can see it. Stares at him, wide-eyed, mouth open; and only moves when
Armin shoves him on the shoulder.
“Go on, get out of here.”
Eren still doesn’t move until Levi tugs him to his feet. Levi – it’s like
someone’s reached into his chest and wrapped a hand around his lungs. He can’t
fucking breathe. Tightens his grip on Eren’s hand, and leads him past where
Ymir and Historia are snuggled up together in the corner. Doesn’t quite manage
to look at him as Eren follows him up the stairs. Levi doesn’t let go of his
hand. Eren doesn’t say anything until the door swings closed. Like last time,
the window is open; and the room is cool. Levi locks the door behind them and
turns to find Eren looking miserable.
“Look, Jean shouldn’t have –”
“Falling in love with me, huh?”
He sounds – he doesn’t know his own voice.
“Look, I’m – I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –”
“That’s not what I –”
“I’ll j-just – you don’t have – I know you didn’t sign up f-for a clingy
teenager, alright, and –”
Levi only realizes he’s kissed him when Eren goes still. Goes silent and
absolutely still, before grabbing onto Levi’s arms. Levi’s lungs are aching.
Keeps the kiss gentle until Eren starts to kiss him back. Puts his hands on
Levi’s hips. Feels so fucking hesitant. Levi’s heart is in his throat, and – he
needs to say something. Kisses him, harder, instead. Feels it when Eren
whimpers and starts pulling him closer. Levi’s eyes are burning, and – Eren
doesn’t protest when Levi nudges him back against the bed. Lets Levi press him
down onto the mattress and crawl on top of him, and wraps his arms around him,
pulling him closer and kissing Levi like he needs him to breathe.
“I-I – Eren –”
“No, it’s okay, you don’t have to –”
Levi shakes his head and hides his face in Eren’s neck. Eren’s fingers are
digging into his back.
“Look, I’m serious, we can – can we j-just pretend this never –”
“Don’t you dare.”
“Levi-i –”
“I – I’m right there with you, alright, so – so don’t try to make us go back,
please, because –”
I love you, too.
“You mean it?”
Eren sounds like he’s about to fly apart. Levi nods. Shivers when Eren goes
limp under him.
“Jesus.”
Levi can’t speak. Presses his mouth against Eren’s neck as Eren’s arms tighten
around him. Only finally moves when he feels Eren shudder. Doesn’t know if he
has the guts to – lifts his head to find Eren’s eyes filled with tears. They’ve
spilled down the side of his cheeks. Levi’s chest hurts.
“Eren, it’s – it’s fine, it’s –”
“No, you don’t understand, I – I’ve been trying so hard to not – I’m a kid, I
know, and I didn’t want you to feel obligated, or – or – and you’re so hard to
read, fuck, god, I had no idea if you –”
And here Levi thought he’d been agonizingly transparent.
“– I mean, I knew you liked me, and all, and wanted me around, but –”
Levi’s going to choke on the irony. Braces an elbow on the bed and wipes Eren’s
tears away with his thumb. Watches as Eren blushes clean down his chest, though
he doesn’t look away.
“Sorry. It’s just –”
Levi kisses him again. And again, when Eren whimpers and tries to pull him
closer. He’s damn near melting under Levi, and panting up into Levi’s mouth.
Making desperate little whining sounds and holding on to his back and grinding
up against him and Levi’s pretty sure he’s still crying. Ignores Eren’s noise
of protest when he pulls back. Eren looks fucking blindsided. Looks all of his
only seventeen years, suddenly, his eyes wide and damp and his cheeks flushed,
and –
Levi jumps when Eren arches up against him, again, his dick rubbing against his
thigh.
“Why – why are y-you stopping, Levi, c-come on, just –”
“Are – are you okay to –”
“Yes –”
“You’re – you’ve been drinking –”
“I’ve had two beers, you ass –”
“You’re still – you’re crying.”
“And y-you’re going to be, in a second, if you don’t fucking kiss me, already,
you –”
Levi kisses him. Kisses him and rocks backward and hauls Eren right into his
lap. Groans when Eren squeaks and latches on to him. Can’t seem to get close
enough. Grinds down against Levi and ends up resting his head on top of Levi’s
head and fucking squirmingas Levi kisses his neck.
“Please, p-please, please –”
Eren sounds desperate.
“Please, Levi, please –”
Levi can’t do anything like this. Eren’s got his knees on either side of him,
and their dicks are crammed together, and Levi’s suffocating against his neck –
bites, harder than he should, maybe, and runs out of air when Eren jerks and
damn near wails against him. Dumps Eren backwards against the bed and starts
trying to yank down his pants, his fingers not quite working right, with Eren
wiggling around and pushing at them and cursing and he still has tears on his
face, and – Levi shoves Eren’s pants and boxers down to his thighs and wraps a
hand around him and kisses him as Eren whimpers into his mouth and twists up
against him. Bites his lip and whimpers and grabs at him.
“Fuck –”
He’s perfect. Perfect and gorgeous and he’s Levi’s and he’s wiggling around and
making these fucking noises and this kid is in love with him and Levi blinks
against the burn in his eyes and – yanks his hand up and licks his own palm, he
needs to – groans when Eren grabs his hand and starts sucking his fingers and
tonguing at his palm, his face so red it’s a miracle he hasn’t caught fire.
“Eren-n –”
“Just – b-being helpful.”
Christ.
Levi closes his eyes. Opens them, and gets his hand around Eren’s dick again,
damper this time, at least, and the way Eren twitches is hotter than the sun,
and – Eren’s got his face in Levi’s neck, and he’s biting and licking and
making noises that have Levi about ready to come in his pants like a teenager,
and this is – Levi loves this kid, loves feeling him fall apart like this,
loves his stupid hair and his stupid perfect shoulders and loves every horrible
doodle he’s ever done; quickens his pace when Eren starts pleading, holding on
to Levi until he arches and comes over Levi’s hand. His teeth are in Levi’s
neck and he’s shuddering and whining and Levi strokes him through it until Eren
shakes his head and twitches and tries to twist away – goes limp against him as
Levi falls forward, probably squishing Eren; but all he does is hold on tighter
to Levi, and –
Levi’s chest goes tight when Eren’s hands tangle in his hair. Gently pull him
back. Eren’s eyes are wide and he’s red all over and his mouth’s swollen and
he’s looking at Levi like Levi’s just fucked his brains out; and Levi’s face is
burning. Christ, could he have been any more caveman.
“Levi?”
Levi can’t speak. Not with Eren looking at him like that.
“I, uh. I really do – um. You know. What – Jean said. If that’s –”
It’s obvious that he’s hiding, when he ducks his face back into Eren’s neck –
but he kind of has to. His heart feels like it’s going to slam out of his ribs.
His stomach is suddenly so tight it’s hard to breathe. Nods into the safety of
Eren’s neck, and feels Eren sigh, his fingers curling into Levi’s bangs, and
his fingers scratching along his undercut in a way that makes Levi’s heart
hurt. Only realizes Eren’s leg has pressed up against his dick when he’s
already grinding against it, which is – yet another reason to stay hidden. He’s
pretty sure he’s flushed clean down his neck.
“Your turn.”
Eren sounds, too, like Levi’s fucked his brains out. Levi feels himself
shudder.
“We should – get b-back out there –”
“Levi.”
One of Eren’s hands is tugging on his hair. Tugging, and then pressing around
the back of his neck; and Levi shivers, and rolls to the side. Opens his eyes
as Eren shoves his jeans off the rest of the way, naked from the waist down;
and even with his dick mostly soft, Levi still wants to get his mouth on it –
why hasn’t he – puts his hands on Eren’s hips when Eren kneels over him, and –
Eren looks fucking wrecked.
“See something you l-like?”
It doesn’t sound cocky. Sounds – sounds just about as unsure as Levi’s been
feeling, maybe, all this time; and Levi tightens his grip on his hips. Stares
up at Eren as Eren doesn’t quite look at him, his face gone absolutely scarlet
as he tugs Levi’s jeans and boxers down far enough that his dick springs out,
and – kneeling there, biting his lip and blushing, he looks his age, suddenly,
in a way that Levi’s never seen before; and the wave of sudden protectiveness
is so strong it hurts.
“You’ve always – you seemed so – so sure of yourself. Every time we –”
He’s an idiot. An absolute idiot . He shouldn’t even be allowed to talk –
Eren kisses him. Scrapes his teeth against his lip and flicks his tongue in.
Leans over him and kisses him like he needs him to breathe; and Levi tries to
pull him closer, his stomach fluttering.
“Yes, w-well, I was trying to – to not let you know that I was absolutely
stupid over you –”
“Eren –”
“I don’t even think – do you even know how hot you are, like, it’s ridiculous
how – and you’re – you’re so wonderful, alright, in every way, and – and this
entire time, I was trying so hard to stop myself from – but you kept smiling at
me, and cuddling with me, and being a sweetheart in your own surly little way,
and – d-do you even know how difficultit’s been to – are you laughing at me?”
Eren yanks his mouth away. Levi slaps a hand over his own. He’s grinning. He’s
– shit. Shit. Feels a bit like he’s going to cry, too, but – he’s grinning like
an idiot. Eren’s mouth is hanging open.
“Are you serious? I’m – I’m pouring out my heart, and this is –”
“Eren –”
“I will – I will leave, I swear, you can get yourself off, you jerk –”
Eren’s still cursing at him when Levi yanks him back into a kiss. He can’t seem
to stop smiling. Isn’t surprised when he gets a sharp bite of Eren’s teeth, his
hands gone tight on Levi’s arms.
“Why is this funny –”
“It’s like looking into a goddamn mirror.”
“That’s – that’s not funny, that’s –”
“Tragic? Stupid? Terribly ironic?”
“I hate you.”
“I dunno, that’s not what you were saying ten minutes ago.”
Levi should have expected the hand that curls around the front of his pants and
makes him jerk. Should have expected the way Eren bites him, again. Can’t stay
still as Eren yanks his jeans and boxers down to his thighs and wraps a hand
around him, his teeth never going far from Levi’s lips.
“You are such a jackass –”
“Your jackass, though.”
“Ugh, that’s not fair –”
“Kiss me some more?”
“No way, you –”
“Please?”
Levi feels like he’s flying. Feels like he can do anything. Is pretty sure he’s
still fucking smiling. Jumps when Eren bites him again, before – his lips
settle into a kiss, gentle, suddenly; and Levi’s heart just about fucking
melts. Tries to pull Eren closer. He should – they should get Eren’s palm wet –
but this will work. Levi can’t stop kissing him. Eren feels like he’s trying to
crawl inside, and – Levi’s chest feels like it’s expanding. Feels like – it’s
like there’s too much for it all to stay trapped inside him. Levi can’t
breathe. Grabs at Eren and closes his eyes. He’s not going to cry.
“Perfect, j-just like this, it’s perfect, just – don’t s-stop, don’t –”
Eren’s whimper sends a new wash of heat across his body. Levi’s mouth is
getting slack, and he can’t – tries to keep kissing him, but ends up whining
into his mouth, as Eren’s hand speeds up around him. Everything inside him is
spiraling to break. He’s making stupid noises and panting; and he’s probably
leaving bruises on Eren. Can feel the way Eren’s fighting for air, too, and –
Eren murmurs his name, tightens his hand, bites his lips, kisses him and kisses
him, and – Levi ‘s mind washes hot and white, and he knows he’s making noise.
Feels it rush through his entire body. Comes down shaking with Eren on top of
him, his heart slamming against Levi’s, and – it takes everything Levi has to
wrap his arms around Eren. He’s shaking nearly too badly to move.
“Alright?”
Even through the haze, Eren sounds unsure, again; and Levi tightens his grip.
Squeezes his eyes shut, and twitches when Eren takes his hand off his dick.
Tries to get air into his lungs. Curls his hand into Eren’s hair and feels his
heart stutter when Eren makes a soft little sighing noise, and –
I love you.
By some miracle, he wraps his arms and legs around Eren and rolls them onto
their sides. Feels his heart clench at the squeak Eren makes when Levi yanks
him until Eren’s cradled against his chest.
“Levi-i –”
Levi’s going to keep him safe. Going to take care of him. Eren’s been doing
that for him, all along. Time for it to go both ways. Time for Levi to stop
being a coward. He takes a deep breath.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
And – fuck, shit, that’s not – except that Eren’s shivering against him –
holding him tight and sniffing against his chest – and Levi closes his eyes
again. Fuck. He wasn’t going for tears.
“Son of a bitch.”
It’s a mutter against his chest, and his shirt’s getting damp, and Eren’s
holding on like he can’t get close enough; and Levi tightens his grip around
Eren, and runs a hand through his hair, his throat itching and his lungs going
tight, and – if this kid loves him back, then he’s not going to question it.
Going to just count himself lucky. Maybe, sometimes, good things do actually
happen.
***** Chapter 14 *****
It takes Levi less than a week to realize that he’s happier than he’s been in
his entire life.
It’s a bit like before, when he and Eren had first met. With all the
butterflies and the shaky hands and all the lying awake at night with his heart
feeling like it’s going to explode – but now there’s none of that bone-deep
certainty that he’s in over his head, or that everything is going to go wrong.
There’s no longer that horrible insecurity that had crept up when he’d started
to really fall for the kid. Now there’s just – it’s like before but so much
better . Because Levi knows he’s not alone in this. Because he’s in love with
this kid – it’s not just a crush on the bright-eyed teenager, anymore – and
Eren feels the same way. Because Eren’s stopped holding back – Levi hadn’t even
know he was holding back; and it’s a little bit scary how good of an actor he
is – and Levi –
Maybe he should still be concerned. Maybe he should be worried about things
going wrong.
He’s not.
Not when Eren seems just as desperate to make this work. Not when Eren finally
looks the way Levi’s been feeling all along. Flushes and turns into a
stuttering idiot, if Levi says the right thing. Squeaks and all but fucking
melts against him when Levi picks up the habit of wrapping his arms around him
from behind. Closes his eyes and blushes whenever Levi plays with Eren’s bangs.
And every time they get a chance to snuggle – well. Eren’s started holding on
like he never wants to let go; and Levi wants them to be plastered together
forever. Never wants to let go, either.
The return of Levi’s confidence, too, is a nice change.
Because Levi had never been so fucked up over someone. Had never been such a
little chicken shit. Had never been so pathetically insecure in his entire
adult life. And to suddenly know that Eren wants him just as much – to know
that the kid’s been holding back, and second-guessing, and silently freaking
out, the same way Levi had been – well. Levi hadn’t even realized how anxious
he was, until suddenly he’s not any more. Now, there are all the butterflies
and the desperate stupid emotions and the need to kiss the kid breathless, but
– Eren feels safe,now. There’s no stress, anymore. Nothing but safety and
security and butterflies. God, Levi loves him.
- - -
“So, the trio are having another party –”
“You’re funny.”
“Aw, come on. This time we might not even have to spend the whole thing in the
laundry room.”
They’re in the custodial closet. The fucking custodial closet. There are
bottles of chemicals around their feet and the tap is right beside them and
Levi has Eren pressed up against the damn water heater, and – there shouldn’t
be anything sexy about this. Levi shouldn’t be blushing this badly.
Or maybe that’s just the memory of spending that party washing their clothes
and all the fucking sheets and blankets, after Eren had texted Armin – with
Levi’s damn phone – and asked him to bring Eren’s backpack – miraculously, with
some extra clothes in it – up to the room for them. Levi’s pretty sure that –
as embarrassing as that had been – he’s going to keep that text forever.
“Yes, well, I’m not the only one who played a role in getting semen all over
our clothes.”
“Levi –”
“Jizz? Come? Spunk? Love juice?”
“Stop it.”
Eren sounds like he’s not sure whether to laugh or be turned on or be
horrified. Levi smirks. Bites Eren’s lip and feels his little whine shoot
straight through him. Sticks his hands up under Eren’s shirt and splays his
hands out across his stomach and bites his own lip when the kid shudders
against him. They really shouldn’t be doing this here, but – he doesn’t care.
It’s his own fault, anyway. He’s the idiot who’d tugged Eren in here, when
nobody seemed to be watching.
“Levi-i –”
“Mmm?”
“S’gonna be really hard to, ah – answer p-phone calls if I’ve g-got a boner.”
“Well, maybe we should do something about that, then –”
“Not here.”
Eren as the voice of reason. Who would have thought it. And – right. Levi needs
to – steps back, and drops his hands. Feels like there’s a moment of actual
pain when he separates them. Takes in the sight Eren makes, with his blush and
wide eyes and stupidly perfect ridiculous hair.
“That’s a good look on you, kid.”
“And you’re a cocky fucking –”
“One of us really needs to get our own bedroom, don’t we?”
“Yes. Yes, jesus, can we please –”
Levi’s still grinning when he kisses him. Feels Eren grin right back. God,
Levi’s so gone over him.
- - -
A couple of days later – a couple of days of toilet scrubbing and disgusting
garbages – Erwin walks into the living room to find Levi and Eren on the floor,
with Levi tickling Eren, and Eren clutching at Levi and shrieking like a
banshee and laughing so hard there are tears down his face.
For a moment, Eren’s laugh cuts out and his mouth drops open; and then Levi’s
pretty sure he’s never seen Eren go that red, that quickly. Is forever going to
treasure the way Erwin just blinks at them for a long few seconds, before he
sighs and puts a hand over his face and walks back out – and Levi can’t do
anything but lie on the floor and smirk into his arms while Eren thwacks him on
the shoulders and tells him that he’s an idiot and, You’re not fucking funny,
Levi, he’s my boss! until Levi rolls them back over and kisses him until Eren
stops cursing at him long enough to kiss back. Pulls away to find Eren still
glaring up at him through that stupidly adorable blush.
“You are the worst, you are such a piece of –”
“If I let you tickle me back, am I forgiven?”
Levi hasn’t let anyone tickle him since he was nine. The last person who’d
tried it had ended up with a black eye.
“Really?”
He’s gone practically doe-eyed. Gone all wide-eyed and concerned and looking a
bit like Levi's blindsided him; Levi take a breath, and nods. Feels his chest
catch at Eren’s sudden little smirk.
“Well, alright, then.”
And – it’s all the warning Levi has. He could stop the kid from rolling him
over. Knows he could. Doesn’t. Shoves his face into Eren’s shoulder, at least.
Holds on tight and smothers his laughter as Eren cradles him close and tickles
him and tickles him until Levi can’t breathe, and –
It should be horrible. It should be horrendous.
It isn’t.
It’s freeing and stupid and embarrassing and so stupid and somehow one of the
best things he’s ever done; and, afterwards, as Levi lies there with Eren’s
head on his chest, he feels – he feels safe . Feels utterly relaxed and drained
and completely safe – knows that he’s safe, with this kid; and it’s incredible.
Pulls Eren close and curls up around him, right there on the living room floor.
Closes his eyes as Eren kisses his hair and holds on just as tight, like he
never wants to let go, either.
- - -
“Trying to burn the apartment down again?”
“Your commentary is both unnecessary and obnoxious –”
“Cause, you know. Your boss might be a little pissed if you singe his kitchen.”
“Maybe I’d be better at this if someone would stop distracting –”
Levi kisses Eren’s neck. He’s got his arms around him. Eren’s wearing an actual
fucking apron. Levi can hardly be blamed for needing to snuggle up with him.
And the element’s not even on – which makes it satisfying as fuck when Eren
drops his wooden spoon onto the top of the stove.
“Fuck. Dammit, L-Levi –”
“Do I detect a stutter, there?”
“You – you are a menace –”
“A little breathless, too, perhaps.”
“I hate you.”
It’s a weak whimper, at best, and Eren’s gone slack against him, and – Levi
feels his heart go tight when Eren’s head tilts back against his shoulder.
Breathes through the swarm of butterflies.
“No, you don’t.”
For a moment, Eren does nothing; and then he turns in his arms to snuggle up
right against him, shoving his face into Levi’s neck. Levi can’t make his grip
any tighter. Can’t get close enough.
“Yeah. I really, really don’t.”
Levi closes his eyes and buries his face into Eren’s hair. Feels like his chest
is going to explode.

Safe.
- - -
“You’re getting snarkier again, you know.”
The words are soft against his lips. Eren’s got his hands down the back of
Levi’s pants. They’re in a fucking Starbucks washroom. They really shouldn’t be
– Levi takes a breath, as the words hit.
Had he – fuck. He had. Had been such a little chicken shit pushover. Bites at
Eren’s lip. God, that’s embarrassing.
“Shut it.”
“Afraid I was gonna leave if you said the wrong thing?”
“You do not fucking get to tease me, you –”
“And now that we’ve declared our great and undying love for each other –”
"Stop it."
Levi’s heart feels like it’s going to swell out of his chest. His eyes are
itching. Twitches and closes his eyes when Eren’s hands slide out of his pants
and – Eren wraps his arms around him. Wraps his arms around him and pulls him
in closer and presses a gentle kiss against Levi’s cheek.
“I love you, too, Levi.”
Fuck.
He’s not going to cry.
Closes his eyes and just lets Eren hold him. Mouths the words into Eren’s hair,
and feels Eren shiver and clutch him tighter. Doesn’t know how much time
passes. Doesn’t fucking care. They can stand here until the rest of the world
falls down around them. Levi’s never letting this kid go.
- - -
The only thing Eren can’t help all that much with – tries to, of course; with
doodles and coffee breaks and custodial closet make-outs and cuddling up
together on the back steps – is work.
Because that – Levi’s still fucking miserable.
It doesn’t matter how much Eren tries to keep him going. It helps, yes; but the
minute he walks away, or whenever Levi ends up working a shift without Eren
around, and has no real distraction –
Levi’s just getting really fucking sick of cleaning up shit and pubes and
menstrual blood.
Erwin helps. Does what he can, when he’s not busy being the boss. Hanji, too,
pokes their nose into Levi’s business pretty much all the time; and it’s a
testament to how desperate Levi is for distraction that he’s even started to
welcome that. Mike, too, makes sure to always give Levi a hard time; and even
Armin starts talking to him on a regular basis, though Levi’s yet to have a
real conversation with Mikasa. He’s pretty sure it’s nothing he’s done – Eren’s
told him that, age difference notwithstanding, Armin and Mikasa are both just
glad that Eren’s found someone – and he’s pretty sure he might actually enjoy
talking to her, if they ever get around to it. Between Mikasa and Ymir and
himself, Levi’s not sure who seems least fond of interacting with people.
And then there’s the afternoon that Jean finds him to apologize. Looks horribly
uncomfortable as he does so; and Levi can’t even let him stew. Not when Levi
owes him as much as he does. Thanks him for his drunken loud mouth, and enjoys
the way Jean blinks at him like it’s the last thing he’d expected; and then he
buys Jean a coffee during his next break. It’s not nearly enough, but it’s
going to have to do; and the way Jean’s jaw drops is amusing, at least. So is
the way he silently looks to Marco for help; and when Marco just smiles and
shrugs, his expression obviously fond as he watches his boyfriend, Jean turns
back to Levi with an awkward thank you; and Levi goes back to cleaning the
washroom, feeling a bit better.
None of it’s enough, though. Even with Eren and Erwin, and with Hanji and Mike,
and with the bridges that Levi seems to unexpectedly be building with some of
Eren’s friends – it’s not nearly enough. And by about the time that Levi spends
twenty minutes locking the bathroom door and sitting on the floor, with his
arms wrapped around his knees and his breath coming too quickly –
He can’t do this anymore.
- - -
It’s a Saturday night when he finally cracks.
Levi is sore down to his bones – had spent about an hour in the shower, trying
to scrub away the smell of vomit that had clung to him after he’d changed one
of the outside garbage bags – and he’s just – he is so completely done with
this. Scopes out the apartment for Erwin; and, upon determining the place to be
empty, hauls out all his art and spreads it out all across the living room.
Time to be merciless. If he doesn’t love it, it’s going.
And then he is going to re-train himself and draw something fucking new.
Going to make himself draw and sketch and paint every day. Because it’s a skill
that requires  practice and practice and practice and Levi is sick of sitting
around on his hands doing nothing –
He’s also going to revamp his resume. Going to hit up the Canadian job bank and
find something better. He might not be able to make money with his art, just
yet; but he can at least find a job that doesn’t require desperately scrubbing
up to his elbows with hand sanitizer every ten fucking minutes. Maybe something
with animals. Something with as little human interaction as possible.
It probably takes him a bit longer than it should to realize that his phone is
beeping at him. Puts down a sketch of the mountains that he’d started to
colour, at some point; and then reaches for his phone.
You’re unbelievable. Absolutely incredible. And I’d really like to thank you in
person, if you’re free.
It’s Eren. Texting from his own phone. Which, apparently, he’s finally found.
Crap. 
Levi had – he’d actually forgotten. It hadn’t seemed like such a big deal. Not
once he’d learned that Eren was just as stupid over him. He’d kind of just –
not thought of it. Swallows and glances around. There are papers on the couch
and the floor. Little bits of himself scattered everywhere.
He needs to do this. He needs to do this tonight.
He just – god, he really needs to do this.
Flatterer. I’m sorting out my portfolio tonight. You’re welcome over, if that
doesn’t sound too tedious.
His stuff is everywhere. He’s not going to clean it up. Clutches his phone and
curls up against the couch. Closes his eyes, and – yeah, he’s actually going to
do this. His heart’s beating so hard it hurts.
I can be there in an hour, you ridiculously talented genius. Thanks for the
invite. <3
Levi closes his eyes.
Fuck.
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Notes
     TW for mild injury and for an almost panic attack.
Levi barely has the door open before Eren’s arms are around him.
“You asshole. Why didn’t you show me –”
“Eren –”
“You could have told me, you –”
“Maybe I was afraid you’d run off.”
He’s glad Eren’s not looking at him. The door’s still open, and they’re in the
damn hallway; and then Eren pulls back to stare at him, wide-eyed. Takes his
hands, in between them. Levi blushes.
“It’s fucking beautiful, Levi, alright? Absolutely gorgeous . Why the fuckare
you cleaning –”
“Could use a second set of eyes for the rest of the mess. Trying to – sort
things out.”
“You sure?”
And – he is, actually. Nods, and feels his stomach twist when Eren all but
fucking beams at him.
Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea.
- - -
Levi spends the next hour feeling better about his own abilities than he has in
years. Doesn’t give a damn that Eren’s opinion is pretty much the epitome of
biased. He’ll take it. Knows that the kid means it. Loses his breath when Eren
asks if he can keep everything that Levi’s planning to get rid of. It takes
everything Levi has to say no to those puppy eyes, though Eren doesn’t press
the issue. Curls up against him and stays silent when Levi explains that
there’s stuff that needs to be gone. Stuff that he doesn’t want to remember,
that won’t do a damn thing to help him create anything new; and while he
doesn’t use the word cathartic, or cleansing, he doesn’t seem to need to. Not
when Eren just takes his hand and full-out kisses his damn fingers and says
that he gets it.
They end up lying on the floor, for a while after that; and when Levi whispers
in Eren’s ear that he’ll draw him whatever Eren wants to see on paper, Eren
smiles so wide it’s amazing his jaw doesn’t split. Nuzzles against him with a
low, Too bad you can’t draw yourself, hmm? and Levi’s blushing so badly it’s a
miracle he even manages to coordinate himself enough to kiss the kid.
They stay on the floor for a good while longer. Only finally move when Levi’s
phone chirps, reminding him to water the plants. He gets that done, and then
cleans up all his papers, and shoves the stuff he doesn’t want back under the
couch, in a separate pile, to be disposed of later. Now there’s not a damn
thing in his collection that he doesn’t at least like, on some level. It's not
enough to make a portfolio – he’s going to want mostly new stuff for that – but
it still feels a hell of a lot better.
- - -
Levi and Eren are curled up on the couch when Erwin and Mike come home.
Eren’s asleep against Levi’s chest. He’s maybe possibly drooling, a bit.
It should be disgusting. Shouldn’t be so fucking horribly endearing.
“Well, don’t you two make the cutest pair.”
Mike’s whispering, though, and he’s maybe smiling a bit in a way that actually
looks pretty sincere; so Levi doesn’t even bother to glare at him. Just makes a
show of sticking his nose up; and then closes his eyes. Hears Erwin huff out a
soft laugh, and keeps his eyes closed as the two of them wander about, making a
surprisingly little amount of noise. Tightens his arms around Eren.
He’s going to get a better job. He’s already got about two thousand bucks saved
up. It’s enough for first and last month’s rent. He’s not sure who he’s going
to live with – Mike and Hanji already share their place, and Eren’s not going
to be getting an apartment any time soon; and Levi knows damn well that, the
next time Erwin decides to move, it’s going to be to move in with Mike – but
he’ll have to make it work, somehow. He won’t be able to afford Vancouver on
his own, but he can’t keep sleeping on Erwin’s couch. He needs a space to call
his own. Even if it’s some shithole shared with a complete stranger. At least
then he’d have his own bed to sleep in.
- - -
His Sunday morning shift has barely started when Levi fucks up.
Holds the toilet cleaner bottle the wrong way and damn near squirts himself in
the eyes.
For a moment, he can’t breathe. There’s cleaner on his cheek.
Gets to the sink and scrubs and scrubs and scrubs and scrubs. Rubs his face
until it’s red, and then goes to sit on the back step again, his head in his
hands. He’s going to have a panic attack.
He’s not going to have a panic attack.
It’s not – his eyes are fine, alright. They’re fine. He’s gotten the shit on
his hands before. It’s never hurt his skin.
His eyes, though. If he’d been holding the bottle at a slightly different angle
–
He’s maybe going to actually have a panic attack. Holds his breath for as a
long as he can, and then lets it back out, and – nobody comes to check on him,
this time. Nobody comes to tell him that it’s all going to be okay. Eren’s not
working, and Erwin’s in his office; and he’s not sure how long he sits there –
can’t breathe; he needs to fucking breathe, dammit – when the door opens.
“I saw what happened. Want to be alone, or want some company?”
Levi’s said about ten words to Mikasa. She’s maybe said about the same to him.
He swallows. His hands are still shaking.
“Gonna expect m-me to talk if you stay?”
Too close. Too fucking close. He can’t do this job anymore.
“No.”
Levi shouldn’t feel this grateful. Nods, and she sits down beside him. Doesn’t
lean in against him, doesn’t try to look at him, doesn’t fidget; and he already
knows that he doesn’t have to talk –
Just sits there and keeps him company.
Doesn’t ask him about his fucked up breathing. Eventually gets up and leaves,
only to come back with a giant glass of cold water. Hands it to him – he can
almost feel his chest expanding, as he drinks it – and then sits down beside
him again, her hands folded on her lap and her gaze fixed somewhere down the
alley; and it’s not the introduction he was hoping for, but – it helps, and –
Levi is done with this job. Maybe it’s time to find a nice safe little office,
or something.
“Levi?”
Levi should be annoyed. Somehow, he’s not.
“What.”
“If you want to take the rest of the day off –”
“I’m not telling Erwin about this.”
“I can keep an eye on the garbages, if you want to find another reason to go
home.”
Her voice is calm, like it’s no big deal to offer to do his job for him; and
Levi is suddenly grateful that Eren has a friend like her. Takes a breath and
puts a hand on his cheek. The skin is still hot.
“Thanks, but I can finish today. I’m not actually – nothing happened. I’m fine.
I just –”
“Eren would want to kick your ass, if he was here.”
“Yes, well, thankfully he’s –”
“You might want to tell him, though. He’s probably going to wonder why your
cheek is so red.”
And – right. Eren’s in later. Levi closes his eyes.
Just what he needs. To worry the kid over something he can’t control. Opens his
eyes when Mikasa stands up. She’s not smiling at him, but her expression looks
a little bit softer, somehow.
“Thank you for being so good to him.”
And – Levi has absolutely no idea what to say.
“If you need anything today, just let me know, alright?”
Levi nods, at least; and then Mikasa picks up the glass and goes back inside,
the door shutting softly behind her – not the bang it usually makes, when
people don’t take the time to close it gently. Levi realizes he’s staring at
the closed door; and then he puts his hand back on his cheek.
He’s done with this place. Done.
- - -
Levi ends up sitting on Erwin’s couch, once his shift is done.
He can’t be done with this place.
Eren had called in sick with a migraine – had texted him a rant about how
trying to quit coffee was one of the worst decisions he’d ever made, god, and
why was coffee so evil – and Levi had spent his shift texting him snippets of
comfort. Had listened to Eren rant, and had found some comfort in how dopey his
texts had gotten, as his pain meds had kicked in. Had been grateful, too, that
Eren hadn’t been around to see Levi’s face. Levi can tell him about what
happened once he finds a new job –
Because, horribly, the reality is that Levi can’t be done with his job.
Not until he finds a new one, at least, because – he can’t keep doing this to
Erwin.
He just can’t.
It’s been four months, and – that’s already far too long. Levi’s going to
revamp his resume, and find something new; and then he’s going to leave. Going
to make sure he has enough money; and then he’s going to find a new roommate,
somehow, and give Erwin his apartment back, and –
God. He really doesn’t want to leave.
Closing his eyes, Levi takes a deep breath.
Fuck it. He can deal with tomorrow in the morning. For now, it’s time to get
drunk and watch anime until his eyes bleed. He’s pretty sure he’s more than
earned a little bit of escapism.
- - -
Erwin’s not supposed to be home.
Why is Erwin home.
“Levi?”
Huh. It seems that Levi has gotten the days wrong. He could have sworn Erwin
was at Mike’s for the night. Blinks up at him from where he’s lying on the
couch, and then he swings his legs over the side. His laptop’s ended up on the
floor. The room’s spinning a bit, but it’s nothing he can’t handle.
“Heeey, blondie.”
“Bad day?”
Erwin raises his eyebrows. Levi glances at the mostly empty twelve-pack beside
him. About that.
Oh, you know. Cleaning toilets. Changing garbages. All the normal fucking
scintillating stuff –
“I don’t think I can do this job anymore.”
And – yeah, that’s not what he meant to say. Hates the way Erwin frowns at him,
before sitting down on the table. Puts his hands on Levi’s knees, and does that
ridiculous thing where he looks at Levi like he can see straight through him.
Levi must be drunk, because he doesn’t even swat at him.
“Anything I can help with?”
“Sprayed myself in the face with toilet bowl cleaner, because I’m a fucking
idiot – ow, hey!”
Erwin’s fingers instantly relax on his knees. Levi’s probably still going to
have bruises. Would glare at him, if not for the fact that Erwin’s looking more
freaked out than Levi’s possibly ever seen him. 
“Are you – you’re alright?”
“I look alright, don’t I? Honestly –”
“Are the bottles not safe?”
“I’m just stupid, that’s –”
“You could have said something. Could have gone home –”
“How long have you known me? You honestly think –”
“Levi.”
Erwin’s looking almost sad, now. Levi wishes he could reach his drink. He
hadn’t wanted to do this. It’s not fair to put this on Erwin. It’s not his
fault. And there’s nothing he can do to make it better.
“You don’t have to do this job.”
“Yes, I –”
“I got you in as a custodian to try to help. You don’t have to stay.”
“You – are you kidding? I have been – four months, Erwin, aren’t you fucking
sick of me yet?”
“Never.”
“Don’t – don’t teaseme, you jerk – not now, alright, it’s not –”
“I’m not. You’re my best friend. You’re welcome here for as long as –”
“I’ve – I can’t, anymore, okay, I – I run up your fucking b-bill with all m-my
damn showers, and-d – and I’ve taken over your living room, and I h-haven’t
give you a damn cent for any of it, and –”
“You’ve more than paid me back by being my friend.”
Levi tastes blood, with how hard he bites his tongue.
“I’d have never made it this far without you and Mike – and I mean that. Truly,
I do.”
Levi can’t speak. Can’t look at Erwin. Stares at his knees until Erwin squeezes
them and stands.
“Now, why don’t you get your ass up off that couch and go snuggle in? I’ll put
a blanket through the dryer, even, so you’ve got something warm to curl up in.
Just give me a couple of minutes.”
It’s said with a smile that’s far sweeter than anything that Levi deserves; and
he closes his eyes when Erwin ruffles his hair and walks out. Doesn’t know how
long it takes him before he stands up.
Fuck.
His legs are a bit wobbly and his lungs hurt and the room is shaky. He must
make it to Erwin’s bed, though; because he’s lying on something soft, and
there’s something incredibly warm being draped over him. Clutches at that
warmth and curls into a ball. Feels the bed dip as Erwin sits beside him.
He’s such a fucking idiot.
“Just – sleep, alright? And tomorrow you can bitch me out for being such a sap
–”
“If you honestly thought I was never worried about you leaving, you’re crazy.”
It’s been bugging him for weeks. Go figure he’d have to be drunk to say it.
Can’t see Erwin in the dark, but that’s probably a good thing. Shoves his face
into the pillow and closes his eyes.
He really needs to pass out.
- - -
Levi’s eyes are barely open before he’s rolling off the bed.
Makes it to the toilet just in time. Clings to it, panting.
God, he’s too old for this. His temples are fucking throbbing.
Stumbles back to bed, his eyes barely open. Spares a moment of gratitude that
Erwin’s already gone; because Levi’s going to need some serious pain meds and a
long shower before he can face him. Curls up on his side, his stomach turning
over – realizes that there’s a glass of water on the table, along with a note
and a bottle of advil; and, god, Levi kind of wants to punch himself in the
face on Erwin’s behalf. How does Erwin even put up with him.
Gatorade’s in the fridge. Managed to find the orange stuff, even. I’m in
Victoria until Thursday – someone screwed up the date, or I’d have given you
more of a heads up. I’ll start networking, and see if I can find you some other
work. Don’t overwater the cactus while I’m gone, alright?
- Erwin
Asshole. Overwater the cactus. Erwin’s the one who can’t keep a damn plant
alive.
I’ll start networking.
Levi swallows. Closes his eyes, and then sits up again, his rolling stomach be
damned.
Maybe it’s about fucking time that he do his own damn networking.
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Notes
     TW for discussion of past shitty relationships.
See the end of the chapter for more notes
It takes two advil, half a gravol, two bottles of gatorade, another hour of
rest, and a shaky shower before Levi’s capable of existing. Puts an ice pack on
his pillow and hauls his laptop up onto his knees and leans back against the
icepack, carefully resting it against his aching head. Pulls the blankets up
around him and very determinedly ignores the body-wide ache as he starts
writing.
He’s done with being pathetic. There may be things he can’t do – customer
service, for instance – but he’s damn good at other things. He just needs to
figure out to make other people see that, too. Gnaws his lip and re-writes his
resume and generic cover letter – it takes him about two hours, but what the
hell – and then sucks it up and emails it to Mike. The bastard had worked HR
positions for years, before switching to the call center. If anyone can help
with editing, it’s him.
And – alright. That’s done. Levi’s still shaky, but – he’s better, maybe. Goes
to reach for his phone and realizes that it’s all the way out in the living
room. Dicks around on tumblr for a bit, and then drags himself out of bed; and,
christ, Erwin’s even cleaned up Levi’s beer bottles. It should be embarrassing
– and it is , a little bit – but seeing as he’d almost squirted himself in the
eyes with corrosive toilet cleaner; he’s not going to feel too bad about having
a breakdown. Picks up his phone; and, god, he can actually feel the tension
under his skin ease at the sight of Eren’s name.
God I hate this. Can this year just fucking end already? I already feel like
enough of an idiot.
The tension’s back, instantly. Levi flicks to the next message.
Fuck, sorry, that was meant to go to Armin. Guess I’m used to texting you on
autopilot.
School’s just kind of kicking my ass right now.
How are you doing? Enjoying a day of freedom and relaxation? :)
If anything, Levi’s stomach just feels tighter. Sits down on the couch.
You know if you need to rant about something, I’m always here.
Eren’s just – he always seems so happy . Even when he’s exhausted, or
irritated, he still manages to smile at everyone, and it always seems so
genuine; but maybe Levi should have been looking at that a little bit closer.
Holds on to his phone – thinks, distantly, that at least his hangover has
mostly faded, and that his head’s no longer aching – and takes a breath when
his phone buzzes.
In that case, fancy a trip to the park? I can be there in an hour?
Levi should have known.
It’s raining. More like pouring, actually. And Eren is an absolute weirdo who
loves to play in the rain, and Levi’s too gone over him to argue it, any more;
and he’s possibly starting to enjoy the rain a bit, too; and he’s maybe
actually been planning an entire outdoors date for the next damn time it rains,
and – fuck. His entire three decades in this city, and it took Eren to make him
enjoy the rain.
Yeah, kid. Sounds good. See you soon.
- - -
Levi feels like something out of a damn Miyazaki film as he stands under the
biggest tree he can find, watching the rain pound down all across the
playground. Everything’s gray, and deserted. He wishes he had his paints with
him. Wonders if he’d even be able to capture if. Maybe – swallows when he spots
Eren walking towards him. Not wearing a jacket, of course, the crazy bastard.
Doesn’t say a word, just – more or less walks face-first into Levi. Plants his
face into his shoulder and sags against him; and Levi’s heart is already
slamming. He wraps his arms around him, and pulls him in closer. Closes his
eyes and buries his face into his hair and breathes him in.
“Better?”
Eren makes a noise that sounds almost hurt, and pushes closer. Levi tightens
his grip and holds on. There’s not a lot of rain under the tree, but Eren’s
already soaked. Feels breakable, suddenly.
“I meant it, you know. You got anything you need to bitch about, I’m always
around.”
He’s not sure what’s going on, but he doesn’t like it. Jumps when a raindrop
trails down the back of his jacket, somehow. Swallows when Eren’s hands curl
into his jacket, face pressing in harder.
“I – failed a test.”
“Important one?”
Levi remembers high school. Wishes he didn’t. Knows that it can feel like the
end of the world. Rubs a hand up Eren’s back, and frowns when he feels the way
he’s completely soaked through.
“Eren –”
“I’m already a year behind everyone else in school.”
Levi’s not sure what, exactly, his heart does – but whatever it is, it hurts .
Keeps trailing his fingers up and down Eren’s back, pressing down gently
against the damp material. Fucking shit.
“I – missed too many classes, when my father – left. Mikasa and I ended up
sleeping on Armin’s floor for about a year, until his – his grandfather passed,
and then we all moved into the shelter.”
And – how had Levi not known any of this. Breathes through the anger. He wants
to go back and stop anything bad from ever happening to this kid. Puts a hand
in his hair as Eren presses closer.
“Mikasa managed to stay caught up. I didn’t.”
Why didn’t you tell me?
“Eren –”
“And – they’re going to graduate in a few months, and leave me. Go off to
school. And I’m not even sure if I’m going to get through this year, it’s – I
just don’t care, and I – I know I need to –”
“What can I do to help?”
“You – you already do.”
“Yeah, well, I bet I’d make one kick-ass study partner, too.”
Levi can just see a bit of Eren’s face, but he’s pretty sure he might be
smiling, at least a little bit. Slides his arms around Levi, until they’re
leaning up against the damp tree; and Levi should let it go. Shouldn’t push.
But he needs to know these kinds of things. Can’t help if he doesn’t know.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Eren’s smile slips. Levi closes his eyes. He’s pushing. Maybe now isn’t the
time to push. But –
“Well, ya know. First I was trying to be perfect for you, and all.”
Christ. 
“And then – even when – after – what happened with Jean, when we – when you and
I finally stopped being stupid about each other, I still – I know our age
difference bothers you –”
"Eren.”
“I just – I didn’t want to remind you that you’re dating a teenager.”
And – wow, alright, award for the worst fucking boyfriend ever officially goes
to Levi. It feels like someone’s actually reached into his heart and twisted.
He’s gone hot just about everywhere.
“There is nothing you can’t talk to me about. Nothing. Got it?”
“I –”
“I know exactly who I’m dating. There’s not a damn thing about you I’d change.
So just –”
"You mean it?”
“Of course I mean it.”
Eren, if anything, just buries even deeper into Levi’s shoulder. Levi gives him
a moment while he gets his own shit together – takes a breath and tugs Eren’s
hair, until Eren has to look at him. He’s got rain all down his cheeks, and his
skin doesn’t have much colour, and he looks – there might be some tears, too;
and he’s looking at Levi like Levi’s the best thing he’s ever seen, and –
Levi’s takes a deep breath. Still can’t get enough air.
“Quit looking at me like that.”
“You don’t get it, do you?”
“I –”
“You’re the first guy who’s ever –”
Eren stops. Drops his eyes again. Levi’s knees aren’t quite working right.
“When I – after dad left, and I went off the rails. I – got around, for a
while, there. Pretty much anyone who’d have me. Few girls, but – mainly guys.
Most of them bailed as soon as they realized I wasn’t gonna let them stick
their dick up my ass on the second date, but – the few who stuck around – it
didn’t last much longer. Nobody ever seemed to give a fuck what I had to say. ”
Eren’s still not looking at him. Levi feels like he’s going to be sick.
“I’ve never been able to talk to someone I’ve been with. Not like you. I’ve –
I’d do something nerdy, or talk about something I cared about, like animal
rights, or – or whatever, and – the people I was with always looked at me like
I was naïve, or stupid, or like I didn’t know anything –”
“Never – if someone –”
“I know that, now. Figured it out, eventually. Realized that I’d never been
able to be myself around a partner without – without them making me feel shitty
for it, and that that wasn’t okay.”
Eren’s lips are pressed tightly together. He looks young, and hurt, suddenly;
and Levi needs to touch. Doesn’t know if he should. Doesn’t – puts a hand on
Eren’s elbow, and Eren’s lips twitch.
“I’d just resigned myself to a life of loneliness, actually, when you walked
through the door.”
“And knocked you on your ass with my sheer hotness?”
His voice doesn’t sound right. Eren’s lips pull up a bit higher.
“Pretty much. That, and I heard you giving someone shit for misgendering Hanji.
After that, I had to try.”
Oh, god. Levi remembers that. Day two, maybe. And he hadn’t given them shit.
He’d merely – corrected them. With a rational explanation, and everything.
Hadn’t even been aware that Eren was around. Hadn’t – swallows as affection
makes his chest tight. How did he ever find this kid.
“Eavesdropper.”
“This from the creeper who draws people while they’re sleeping.”
"Hey, you love that stupid –”
Eren’s hands settle against his legs. Curl in until his fingers are wrapped
around his thighs.
Levi stops breathing. Twitches when Eren’s hands slide higher. Eren’s – he’s
not just looking up at Levi now; he’s outright fucking smirking. Levi should
probably hate the way it makes his words come out breathy.
“What are you –”
“I just dumped my guts, and you still want me. I’d really like to kiss you
right now.”
“But –”
Eren bites his lip, and damn near looks up through his fucking eyelashes. Fuck.
That’s not fair.
“Ever made out in a park, Levi?”
Shit. Fucking – Levi’s squirming, his toes curling; and Eren’s barely touched
him. Glances around, out into the rain, and then back to Eren, who’s looking
more fond than cocky, now, his smirk gentling into something softer; and Levi’s
never going to get used to Eren looking at him like that.
“It’s pouring rain. Nobody’s around.”
“There c-could be –”
"Levi. Would you just – stand here in the rain and let me kiss you? Please?”
He bites his lip again, a single raindrop trailing down his cheek – and Levi
brushes it away with his thumb. Eren’s grin goes soft and silly; and then he
straightens; and Levi must do something with his face, because Eren leans down
to kiss him. Kisses him, gently, soft and sweet, soaking fucking wet with
rainwater, his hands slowly spreading Levi’s legs until Levi has to lean back
against the tree. Whimpers, a bit, maybe, and – jesus, this is ridiculous,
they’re in the damn park.
“This alright?”
His breath is hot against Levi’s mouth. Levi’s toes are definitely curling.
“What, you trying to g-grope me in the middle of a park?”
“Only if you want me to.”
Lord, does he ever. But – Levi closes his eyes. Eren had just finished dumping
his heart out.
“Are you sure that you want to do this now?”
It gets horribly breathy, at the end, as Eren brushes their lips together. Rubs
his thumbs along under Levi’s eyes, pressing down softly against his
cheekbones. Jesus. Jesus fucking christ. Levi’s still got his legs spread, even
without Eren’s hands to hold them there – whines and twitches when Eren slides
in between his knees and crowds him up against the tree, still kissing him.
“You always make me feel wanted. Make me feel like I’m good enough.”
“That’s not what I -”
“Yes. Yes, I’m sure. Completely. God, Levi, you’re – you’re something special,
you know that?”
His stomach is fluttering like crazy, suddenly; and his legs are very much
spread on either side of Eren’s, and Eren’s soaked, and holding him against the
tree; and he’s still putting just enough pressure on Levi’s cheekbones; and
Levi’s going to melt into the damn ground. Keeps his eyes shut.
“Do we – is the apartment empty?”
Levi swallows, and nods. Feels his heart jolt when Eren grins against his
mouth.
“So how about we make out here for a bit, and then I take you back there and
show my gratitude properly?”
"Eren.”
It’s a whine, at best, and – christ. Levi’s being seduced. Being seduced in the
park in the rain. Being nudged up against the tree as Eren bites his lip and
rubs circles over his cheekbones and –
“I love you.”
Fuck. 
Fuck.
Eren’s gone absolutely still against him, his mouth slack.
And Levi –
He's never said that to anyone before.
Never said it and meant it, at least.
“Levi.”
Levi, maybe, shrinks back into the tree, a bit. Flinches, and swallows, when
Eren’s fingers brush his bangs. Opens his eyes. Eren’s thumb is on his eyebrow,
and then his cheekbone, and – Eren’s covered in rainwater and his eyes are wide
as saucers and Levi’s throat has completely closed up.
"I - y-you, too."
Levi closes his eyes. 
Christ.
“Take me home?”
Eren sounds about ready to keel over, and his hand is damp with rain, when it
slides into Levi's, and –
Levi nods, and takes a breath, and holds on tight to Eren’s hand as Eren tugs
him back out into the rain.
Chapter End Notes
     (I'm currently taking part in a_rather_insane_daily_Halloween_prompt
     challenge_thing, so this miiiight not get updated until November; but
     I shall do the best I can. Thanks to everyone for all the support and
     kind feedback. ♥)
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Notes
     Apologies to everyone who's waited so long for an update to this; and
     thank you, more than can I say, for all the lovely comments and
     incredibly kind feedback. I'm so very thrilled that folks are
     enjoying this so much, and I appreciate all the support and kind
     words more than I can say. :)
The walk home is soaking wet, and Levi feels a bit like he’s going to pass out
the entire time.
Can barely breathe for how hard his heart is slamming.
Keeps his hand clenched in Eren’s as Eren walks close enough that their elbows
brush, until they’re inside and up the stairs, and dripping all over the
hallway floor. Levi’s barely closed the door behind him before Eren’s stripping
him out of his soaked clothes – gets his coat off and hangs it up, and then
drops down and starts working on Levi’s shoelaces; and Levi’s not sure what
kind of noise he makes, but Eren’s blushing up to his ears, so it’s probably
okay. Climbs back to his feet and kicks his own shoes off and then takes Levi’s
hand again, his fingers still damp.
“Come on.”
Eren looks about as rattled as Levi feels, and Levi takes a deep breath, and
lets himself be led. Follows Eren down the hallway and then loses whatever air
he has when Eren turns the bathroom lights down low and turns on the shower,
before turning back around and stripping Levi’s sweater over his head. Drops it
over the side of the sink – Levi’s got goosebumps all over his skin – and
starts working on his own buttons, staring down at his hands are he starts to
try to get out of his own shirt, and – shit, Eren’s hands are shaking ; jesus,
Levi hadn’t even know it was possible to feel this protective over someone.
He’s practically dizzy with it, suddenly. This kid’s seventeen and in love with
him; and Levi needs to make sure that he never feels anything but completely
wanted. Puts his hands over Eren’s, where he’s stuck on the buttons; and Eren
goes still.
“Let me.”
Eren swallows, and doesn’t seem able to look at him; and Levi carefully gets
the buttons done, and then pulls Eren’s shirt up, just the tiniest bit, at the
bottom. Slides down and kisses his way up Eren’s stomach as he inches the shirt
up, above him; until Eren’s whimpering and holding on to his hair and – Levi
pulls his shirt off the rest of the way and hangs it over his own, feeling his
skin heat even worse at how flushed Eren’s gone. He looks completely
overwhelmed and maybe a bit unsure, and – right, everything he said in the park
– Levi needs to remember that. He’s not the only one here who’s somehow
stumbled into their first healthy relationship. Not the only one who’s only now
finally learning what it’s like to be wanted for who you are. Levi needs to –
he needs to make sure that Eren never has to question this. He’d just stood in
the rain and dumped his heart out to the this boy, and he’s damn well going to
take care of him, for as long as he can.
Doesn’t mean he’s doing much better, though. He feels like he’s going to shake
out of his skin.
“Levi-i –”
“I meant it. What I-I said – I meant it, I really do –”
He just barely gets it out, and Eren takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes,
and just stands there; and Levi doesn’t know what to do , suddenly; until Eren
leans in to kiss him, again. Kisses him all shaky and fumbling as he tries to
undo Levi’s jeans; and Levi starts working on Eren’s, too – breathes through
how badly his own stupid hands are shaking as he kicks out of his own jeans and
boxers, and leaves them on the floor, and then hits his knees and pulls Eren’s
down his legs. They’re soaked, so they stick; and he’s down there for long
enough to start feeling stupid before he manages to get them off, and then
helps Eren get his socks off, too – though it’s hard to feel stupid with Eren
pulling at his hair, trying to tug him back to his feet. Hard to feel stupid
with Eren looking at him like that, like – like he’s the best thing Eren’s ever
seen; and he’s just barely gotten his socks off by the time Eren’s shoving him
against the bathroom wall, crowding in close, his hands seeming to go
everywhere as he kisses him and kisses him and kisses him and –
Maybe this is why people write stories about falling in love, if it feels like
this.
He can’t get close enough. They’re skin-to-skin, all over, and Eren’s trembling
against him, feeling like he’s trying to crawl inside; and Levi still can’t get
close enough. Wraps his arms around him and tugs him in closer until Eren stops
kissing him to just breathe against his mouth; and they’re just standing there
wrapped up around each other, in the middle of the stupid fucking bathroom; and
Levi’s eyes are burning and his heart’s slamming hard enough to hurt, and –
god, this kid, he’s ruined him, Levi can’t breathe – but, fuck, he’s not going
to panic, he doesn’t have to panic; because Eren’s right there, with him; Levi
can feel this way, he’s not the only one who – closes his eyes when Eren sighs
and leans harder against him, swallowing so hard Levi can feel it.
“Eren-n –”
“You’re the best thing that’s e-ever happened to me, t-too.”
And – there’s nothing Levi can say to that.
Not a damn thing.
Nothing he can do but close his eyes and hold on, all the air punched out of
his lungs.
Stays that way until Eren exhales, low and shaky; and then tugs him away from
the wall. Kisses him, gently, and then pulls him into the shower with him.
Immediately presses right up against him, again, breathing against his ear as
he slides his hands down Levi’s back. Trails his fingers along his skin and
just fucking slides a leg in between Levi’s until Levi’s pressed against him
and clinging to him, his dick sliding damp and hot against Eren’s skin. Stands
there and holds on to him as Levi tries to keep from rocking his hips – loses
his air when Eren’s hands slide back up his back and then across his chest; and
then he cups his hands on both sides of Levi’s face and holds him there and
just fucking kisses him and kisses him until Levi’s shaking all over with it.
Closes his eyes and he knows he’s kinda sucking at kissing back but his heart’s
just beating too hard, he can’t – keeps his eyes closed when Eren nips his lip,
and then presses their foreheads together, breathing against his mouth. Stands
there and just breathes against him, pressed as close as he can get, with his
fingers back to rubbing gentle little circles against Levi’s cheeks; and then
his hand slides down, again, and wraps around him. Gives him a slow stroke,
Levi’s dick lying heavy in his hand; and Levi only realizes how badly he’s
wavering when Eren wraps the other arm around him, letting Levi hide his face
in his neck. Digs one hand into his back and keeps the other on his dick,
motionless, save for the damp drag of his thumb down the length of it.
“Alright?”
His mouth is right against his ear. Levi’s resting against his chest, holding
on. The floor’s too slippery and everything’s damp and Eren’s hand is tighter,
now, his breathing hot; and Levi’s knees are actually fucking shaking.
Everything’s warm and wet and he’s trembling like an idiot; and Eren’s kissing
his cheek. Kisses him, and waits until Levi nods; and then Levi ends up
clinging on even tighter when Eren’s hand speeds up, and he drops his head and
starts kissing down Levi’s neck. Holds him closer and jerks him off, hot and
tight and perfect, until Levi’s shaking all over with it – drags a tongue
across his nipple, hot against Levi’s chest, and then back up to his neck,
again, teeth scraping over his collarbones; and Eren’s pressed in as close as
he can get, breathing hard against his neck, full-out trembling against him,
like Levi’s not the only one who’s just barely staying upright; and
everything’s pulled tight inside him and his heart is slamming and his eyes are
burning and his throat’s gone tight and he loves this kid, god, he loves –
"God, y-you’re gorgeous.”
Eren’s voice cracks, where his mouth is pressed against his skin; and that’s
it, Levi’s done.
Comes back down with Eren holding him up, all the strength gone out of Levi’s
legs, and – Eren’s breathing against his neck, sharp and shaky and hot, and
everything’s pleasantly fuzzy and the shower is warm and Levi never wants to
move. He’s maybe possibly nuzzling into Eren, at this point. Can’t breathe. Can
barely feel himself shudder as Eren slides a hand down his back.
“Alright?”
Eren’s voice seems far away, and Levi’s numb all over. Blinks – tries to get
the water out of his eyes – and presses a kiss to Eren’s shoulder, right
underneath his mouth. Sucks in a breath when Eren shivers, his grip tightening
around him – and Levi’s knees are already weak. Sliding down to them only makes
sense. Shakes his head – god, so foggy – and slides his hands up Eren’s legs.
“Levi.”
Above him, the shower pouring down on him, Eren’s mouth is hanging open and his
eyes are wide – and, alright, Levi hasn’t had a dick in his mouth for years,
but it’s not something he’s likely to ever forget. Closes his eyes and tightens
his grip on Eren’s damp thighs, the weight of him oddly comforting on his
tongue, and – fuck, Eren needs to make those little gasps for the rest of
forever, holy shit. It’s all Levi can do to grab his hands – they’re twitching,
uselessly, against Levi’s shoulders – and move them into his hair; and it’s a
good thing that he’s already on his knees, because the way Eren freezes, and
then curls his fingers into Levi’s hair, is hotter than the sun.
He’s still pretty fuzzy, all over, though. Can barely feel his knees against
the bathtub floor.
God, he’ll get on his knees for this boy for the rest of his life, if Eren
wants him to.
“You – you d-don’t have to –”
Levi’s never really tried to laugh with a dick in his mouth before. He probably
looks like an idiot. Can’t really care, though, with the way Eren’s trying to
not tear his hair out. Closes his eyes and presses Eren’s dick up against his
stomach and licks all along the bottom of it, and – he’s pretty sure he’s been
embarrassed, doing this, with other people, in the past; but not now. Not with
Eren whining and grabbing harder at him, and – his legs are trembling,
underneath Levi’s hands, and – Levi wraps a hand around Eren and pulls his dick
down closer, and then presses a kiss against his hipbone. Slides his lips up
and along his stomach, and then just buries his face there. Gives himself a
second to take in the smell of him. Holds Eren steady as he takes him into his
mouth again.
“Levi –”
He already sounds desperate – looks desperate, too, when Levi glances up – and
apparently that does it for Eren, because his dick jerks, and his hands
tighten, and he doesn’t look away, even as colour starts creeping up his
cheeks; and Levi’s never particularly enjoyed trying to look up at someone
while he’s going down on them – but maybe he can, here. Feels it heat all
through him as he sucks Eren into his mouth and stares up at him and watches as
Eren sucks in a breath and goes very still, even as he flushes so red it looks
painful, his fingers so tight in his hair it hurts, and –
Yeah, shit, Levi can work with that kind of reaction.
Fucking hell, this kid.
And Levi – he’s the one who gets to do this. The only one who gets to have Eren
like this.
Closes his eyes for a moment – has to, because that’s still – that’s too much,
right now, if he really stops to actually think about it – and then does his
best to get Eren’s dick as saliva-damp as possible. Can feel the way Eren’s
shifting and shaking, and – god, the noises coming out of his mouth; Levi can’t
get hard again, not quite yet, but, shit, he wants to, he’s aching with it,
because Eren sounds like – shit, Levi wants to hear that every day for the rest
of his life. Curls his hands around the backs of Eren’s legs and drags his lips
and tongue all over his dick before he – barely has to wrap his lips back
around him before Eren’s practically folding over, gasping and tugging at him
and squirming and his hips can’t seem to stay still and he’s trying to tug him
off.
“I’m – I’m – Levi,I’m –”
Levi’s never particularly enjoyed getting come in his mouth, before, either –
but it’s worth it for the way Eren groans when Levi tightens his grip on his
legs and sucks him in deeper, Eren’s fingers fluttering against his face,
suddenly, like he’s trying to not hurt Levi, to – grabs Eren’s hands and puts
them back in his hair; swallows, hard, as Eren stares down at him, panting and
flushed and looking like he’s about to shake apart – doesn’t look away as Levi
sucks him in, again, and Eren comes in Levi’s mouth, his fingers yanking tight
and his mouth dropping open – whimpers, his eyes slamming shut, as Levi
swallows, a wave of heat spreading out across his chest, and – wow, that’s a
new one. That’s never – that’s literally never done it for him before. Maybe
all bets are off, where this kid is concerned. Maybe – Eren’s sliding, and Levi
catches him.
Ends up kneeling there with Eren collapsed against him, panting for air; and
Levi still can’t get close enough. All of that, and he still can’t – tugs him
in tighter; and there’s an ache in his knees, spreading up into his legs; but
as long as Eren doesn’t want to move, then Levi’s not going to move. Closes his
eyes as Eren shudders and wraps his arms tighter around him, shoving his face
harder into his neck and trying to shift closer, too, like Levi’s not the only
who still can’t get close enough, and – god , Levi’s lucky, he’s so
unbelievably lucky, how did he ever find this boy.
“You-u okay?”
He doesn’t sound at all steady, himself; but it doesn’t matter. Not with Eren
swallowing so hard Levi can feel it, and then nodding against him; makes a move
like he’s going to stand, and Levi helps him up – ends up feeling lightheaded
as he brushes Eren’s hair away from his forehead, as gentle as he can; and Eren
stares at him, wide-eyed, looking a bit like he has no idea what to do.
“L-Levi…”
“Bed?”
Eren opens his mouth, and then swallows, and nods, still looking a bit lost;
and Levi nudges Eren back into the water – his eyes flutter shut, under the
spray – and uses his hands to rub him down, washing him clean. Does the same
with himself, as quickly as he can, rubbing the warm water all over his skin;
and then tugs Eren out of the tub, and wraps a towel around him. Turns off the
water and – turns back around to find Eren blushing, all soft and sweet, and
holding out a towel, too.
Levi doesn’t, even for a second, hate the way it makes his stupid heart go all
achy.
He’s pretty sure they’re long past the point of feeling bad about that.
Takes the towel and – swallows, his face flushing, when Eren leans in to kiss
his cheek. Wraps the towel around him and takes his hand – and Levi lets
himself be tugged. Their clothes are everywhere and he needs to clean the
shower and they’ve left water all over the floor – but it can wait, for now.
Everything can wait. For now, Levi needs to cuddle this kid until he can’t
breathe.
- - -
Eren doesn’t bother trying to salvage any of his own clothes.
Ends up wearing a pair of Levi’s boxers, and one of his t-shirts.
It’s so cute Levi can practically feel his teeth grind.
Ends up lying on top of Eren with their knees knocking and their legs tangled
together and his head resting on Eren’s shoulder, and Eren’s fingers playing
with his hair. It’s still raining out and they don’t bother with the light; and
Levi’s pretty sure he could stay like this forever. Could just lay here and
listen to the rain, with Eren’s heart beating between them and his fingers in
his hair.
“Levi.”
He sounds fucking exhausted. Levi closes his eyes and squirms closer.
“Mmm?”
“Thank you.”
Eren’s fingers are sliding under his hair, and pressing along the back of his
neck. Levi has to breathe through a shiver. Shoves his face into Eren’s neck
and inhales, his throat gone all tight.
“What d-do you –”
“For being – honest. For – not running, when this got – serious.”
And – bloody hell , Eren sounds painfully sincere; and how is Levi even
supposed to respond to that? Only realizes how badly he’s hiding when Eren
laughs above him, sweet and breathless.
“Embarrass you?”
“Shut it.”
And – yeah, he’s totally blushing. Can all but hear Eren grinning, above him,
before the room slips into silence again, save for the rain pounding down
outside – and Levi waits until Eren’s breathing starts evening out before he
slides out from under the blankets, going as quiet as he can –
“Want me to –”
“I got it. You just lie there and look cute, alright?”
“Ass.”
Eren’s smiling at him, though, all curled up in the bed with Levi’s t-shirt on,
and doing that thing where he looks at Levi like he thinks Levi hung the moon –
and Levi has to take a deep breath before he can turn and walk out. Swallows
through how hard his heart is slamming as he tiptoes around the cool apartment
in the dark, and then heads for the washroom. Scrubs down the shower and cleans
everything up as best as he can, his stupid stomach still fluttering all over
the place, and then dumps all their clothes in the laundry room and washes his
hands and slips back into the bedroom. Eren’s eyes are closed, and his
breathing is steady – but Levi’s barely pulled back the blanket before Eren’s
yawning and sticking his hands out, tugging at him until Levi’s resting against
him again, curled up under the blankets with Eren’s hand sliding down his back,
and –
“I just – I wouldn’t care , so much, if it was our own bathroom, I just – it’s
not, and –”
“S’all right, really, s'okay. No worries.”
He sounds silly and sleep-stupid, his voice horribly fond; and – right, this is
why Levi doesn’t even feel embarrassed about this, any more. Because Eren gets
it – gets that fucked up little bit of his brain – and wants him anyway.
Breathes through the wave of gratitude and closes his eyes, resting his head
against Eren’s shoulder, and – he can totally fall asleep like this. God, he’s
tired.
“Our own bathroom, huh?”
For a second, it doesn’t process.
Then, Levi goes very, very still.
Fuck. 
Fuck.
Fuck, what was he thinking, what – he can’t fuck this up, he – twitches and
closes his eyes, but – Eren’s rubbing a hand against his back. Holds him a bit
closer, and presses a kiss into his hair; and Levi can actually feel the
tension start to seep out of him again. God, he’s such an idiot– jumps when
Eren’s fingers slide back up into hair, catching, ever so slightly, with how
damp it is.
“I, uh – I mean, I, uh, can’t really afford a place, right now –”
“I – I know, I – that’s not what I meant, I just –”
“And I’ve still got another year of school, but, um. If you still want me,
after that, then –”
“Eren –”
“Then, I, uh – I hear Vancouver’s got some nice little one-bedroom places, if
you r-really look.”
And – for a moment, Levi can’t do anything.
Can barely breathe over how fast is heart is beating.
Eren sounds shaky, and hesitant, and suddenly incredibly young; and Levi can’t
do anything but nod into his shoulder. The words are all stuck, and his chest
is doing that stupid achy thing, again, where he can’t breathe; and Eren then
sighs, happily, and all the tension seems to seep out of him – yeah, Levi’s not
going to bother with talking right now. Closes his eyes and – god, he wants
that, even if it’s not going to happen soon. Wants it so much he’s fucking
aching with it.
“We’ve got time, Levi.”
His voice is softer, now, and his fingers are playing with Levi’s hair, again.
Carding gently though his hair, with the rain slamming down against the window.
“We’ve got plenty of time.”
And – Levi nods, again, his stomach flipping all over the place; and presses in
as close as he can.
They have time. This, what they have, here – they’re only just getting started.
Eren’s young, and Levi feels young; and, god, Levi’s the luckiest bastard on
the entire damn planet.
***** Chapter 18 *****
Levi gets through the next few days through sheer force of will.
Gets up early three mornings in a row and goes to clean toilets and empty
garbages, his eyes barely open each time. Doesn’t see Eren – who’s right in the
middle of so many assignments he’s actually taken a week off work – at all, and
comes home to an empty apartment each night, with Erwin still off in Victoria.
It doesn’t even matter how loudly Levi turns up his music. The place still
seems too big; and by the end of day three he’s on the verge of texting Erwin
and telling him to get his ass back home so Levi can stop watching angsty anime
by himself at midnight.
He holds off, but barely. Erwin’s at some conference with a bunch of the
higher-ups, trying to make nice with everyone. The last thing he needs is to be
dealing with Levi’s shit on top of that.
It’s a thought, too, that – unfortunately –  propels him to the roommate search
section of Kijiji; though he only makes it a few minutes before he has to go
and stick some beer in the fridge. Curls up on the couch with his laptop and
starts skimming through the ads, but – fuck, he really doesn’t want to live
with a stranger. How the fuck is he even supposed to make that work? What’s he
supposed to do, post some kind of roommate offered ad – ‘Thirty-four-year-old
nerdy bisexual custodian seeking queer-friendly people to live with’ – and hope
that someone decent bites?
Shit, though, he doesn’t want to leave here. Really doesn’t want to leave.
It’s a thought that’s barely crossed his mind – he goes to the fridge and grabs
a beer, and then leans up against the counter, trying to ignore how badly his
skin’s crawling at the idea of sharing his space with a stranger – when his
phone buzzes, and he opens it to find a message from Erwin.
Manage to kill the cactus yet? :)
It’s got the emoticon, and everything, and it’s so stupidly fond that Erwin
might as well be standing there grinning at him; and Levi closes his eyes, and
takes a deep breath. Realizes that he’s holding the phone too tightly, and sets
it on the counter, and then takes a long drink of his beer.
He’s been spoiled. That’s part of the situation, here. He’s been spoiled by
falling in love with the sweetest little shit to ever exist on the planet. Been
spoiled by living with Erwin, and by having friends like Mike and Hanji, and,
just – he’s crafted himself a bubble, really, of amazing people; and now he’s
going to have to leave it. Because Erwin deserves his life back, and Eren
deserves a boyfriend who can offer him more than standing-up-sex in a borrowed
shower, and – fuck, Levi deserves more for himself, too, goddammit. Deserves
his own bed and a door that locks and his own roof over his head, and – as much
as he doesn’t want to leave, he has to. For Erwin’s sake, and for his own sake,
and for the sake of where his relationship with Eren is going. He wants to be
able to sleep wrapped up naked around that kid in their own bed, and then spend
their mornings puttering around and doing stupid domestic shit like wearing
horrible fluffy housecoats and making vegan omelettes together; and he can’t do
that if he’s sleeping on Erwin’s couch, and –
But he also can’t afford Vancouver on his own. And that means finding a
roommate.
At the age of thirty-four.
Thirty-four years old, and he’s scrubbing toilets, and searching Kijiji for a
stranger to live with.
God, he really fucked up, somewhere along the way. There have been a few things
he’s gotten right – Eren and Erwin, mainly, along with a few little tiny
personal achievements that Levi’s been proud of, over the years – but, for the
most part, when it comes to all the shit that people are supposed to get
together once they’re adults; yeah, Levi’s fucked it up. And now he’s looking
for a stranger to live with. He’s got a couple thousand saved up and he can
look for another job once he has a place. For now, he’s going to – one more
month. That’s what he’ll do. It’s almost the end of April; and he’ll finish out
the month, and then give himself one more, and be gone by the start of June. Be
moved out, and living with someone at least remotely tolerable, so Erwin can
have his life back, and – and he’s going to ignore the horribly, horribly
selfish part of himself that wants to ask Erwin to move in with him somewhere.
Wants to suggest finding some two-bedroom apartment and actually doing this
properly, since they already live so well together, even with Levi sleeping on
his couch and butting into his bed on nights when Mike’s not around.
But he can’t. Because Erwin is happy here. Has a beautiful set-up, with a
gorgeous view, and everything; and Levi knows that, if Erwin ever decides to
move, it’ll be to move in with Mike. In all their years, they’ve never yet
tried actually living together – but it’s going to happen, eventually, and
Levi’s not going to be the ass who tries to get in the way of that. The next
time Erwin moves out, it’ll be to move in with the guy he’s in love with; and
Levi needs to just suck it up and go out into the real world and be a goddamn
adult and find a stranger he doesn’t hate, and –
One month. That’s what he’s giving himself. One more month, and then he’ll be
gone.
Of course I killed it, asshat. That cactus is so dead it’s deader than dead.
His throat’s gone tight as he hits send. Closes his eyes until the phone buzzes
again. Gets a smiley face sticking its tongue out at him in response – who the
hell taught this man how to text, anyway? – and then grabs a second beer out of
the fridge, and goes to sit in front of his laptop again.
Right. He has two days off, and Eren’s busy with school; and Levi’s going to
start setting up appointments with anyone he can find who looks decent. If he’s
going to live with a stranger, then he’s damn well going to at least want to
meet them a few times before he signs any leases.
- - -
It’s a fucking train wreck.
Over the next two days, he starts trying to meet people who are renting out
rooms for the first of June. Goes to a bunch of awkward Timmies encounters, and
wastes a ton of money on coffee – along with wasting both of his days off – on
leads that go absolutely nowhere. One woman shows up drunk off her ass, one
tries to quote him a higher figure than she’d posted online, the third keeps
going on about how ‘retarded’ Vancouver’s housing situation is – and Levi
cringes his way through that entire conversation – and the fourth seems decent
until she tells him that she doesn’t have a problem with ‘gays’, and that she’d
like to get to know one. It’s a minor miracle that Levi doesn’t take any of
their heads off; and, after his final meeting on day number two – the only guy
he meets up with, who spends the entire damn meeting flirting with him, despite
Levi making it very clear that he’s taken – he goes back to Erwin’s and shoves
his face into the couch.
Fuck. Everything.
His heart’s racing and he can’t seem to unclench his fists and he doesn’t want
to live with strangers. He wants to live with Erwin, where he’s safe. Where
he’s got someone he cares about.
Wants to win the fucking lottery so Eren’s lack of income doesn’t matter, and
they can get some beautiful place together and fill it with nerdy shit and have
a giant king-sized bed and get a bunch of cats and dogs and, god, Levi needs to
stop fantasizing because it’s not going to happen.
Christ.
Unclenches his fists and stands up from the couch.
He’s going to take a long shower and – not get drunk and watch anime. He’s
going to send out a fuck ton more job applications and roommate requests,
because he is leaving in a month. He can’t keep doing this to himself, or to
Erwin. Can’t – realizes his phone is buzzing, and opens it to a message from
Eren, his stupid heart jumping around so badly he has to take a deep breath.
Miss you. <3
For a second, he just stares at it, and – god, those butterflies are tenacious
little fuckers.
You too, kid.
:) <3
God, they’re so stupid, and so fucking sappy; and Levi’s finding his own damn
apartment, even if he has to work his way through every potential roommate in
the entire greater Vancouver area.
- - -
By the time he gets into his shift the next day, he’s not feeling anywhere near
as optimistic.
Barely gets half his cup of coffee into him before he realizes that someone’s
left blood streaks on one of the women’s washroom stall doors. Closes off the
stall, goes to sit outside, and then comes back in and puts on three layers of
gloves and finds his windex. Deals with the blood, and then slips into the
custodial closet, where he can kneel by the mop bucket sink and scrub and scrub
and scrub all the way up to his shoulders, for as long as he needs to, without
anyone around to ask him what he’s doing. Finishes that, and then smears hand
sanitizer over as much of his arms as he can reach, and ends up sitting on the
edge of the sink, letting the sanitizer sink in.
Fuck. 
Fuck everything.
Nobody’s around. Erwin and Mike are both in Victoria, Hanji’s busy trying to
run the whole office, Eren’s holed up in his room, studying, and – Levi can’t
do this. Not today. Not right now. It’s like he can actually feel something in
his head starting to slip, a bit. He needs to – he needs a distraction. Needs
to not be doing this. He still needs a job and an apartment and god he’s tired
– takes a breath, and holds it for as long as he can. Exhales and stands up.
Pushes open the door – the sanitizer’s dried, on his hands – and walks out into
the office, where everyone’s hunched over in their cubicals, their phones up
against their ears, that never-ending drone of noise, and –
Over in the cafeteria, Mikasa and Armin are sitting together at one of the
corner tables.
Bent over a book, with Armin pointing at something and grinning, and Mikasa’s
lips turned up at the edges. She’s wearing the scarf that Levi knows Eren made
for her, and both she and Armin have cute little nerdy travel mugs beside them,
and neither of them have ever said a word against his relationship with Eren,
and – Levi doesn’t know either of these people, yet, not really – but maybe he
could.
Takes a deep breath, and walks through the line of cubicals, until he’s right
beside them.
“Okay if I join you?”
His heart’s slamming, and his mind’s still a bit fuzzy, and – for a second,
Armin gapes at him; and then he grins, again, and Mikasa smiles a bit and
pushes out a chair; and Levi sits down and puts his hands on the table, right
next to the honest-to-god encyclopedia that they’re apparently reading.
Right. He can do this.
Eren wants him around for the long-haul, and these two are Eren’s family.
It’s about goddamn time that Levi make an effort to get to know them, too.
- - -
By the time Levi gets home, he’s exhausted.
Trudges home in the pouring rain – which helps, a bit; because apparently
Eren’s truly gotten to him, where the rain is concerned, because Levi just
can’t bring himself to dislike it, anymore; not when Eren loves it so fucking
much – and makes it up the stairs. Stops just long enough to take off his boots
and jacket before he lies down on the livingroom floor, and shoves his face
into his arms.
He can’t keep doing this.
He’s got garbage juice on his clothes because people don’t know how to empty
their fucking cups before they throw them out, and he still feels like he
hasn’t washed his hands enough for the day – and he needs to send out more
resumes. Needs to do something that isn’t this. Closes his eyes. Being around
Mikasa and Armin had helped, it actually had; but they’d left not long after
that, and Levi had spent the rest of his shift wandering around in a stupor,
and – he knows it’s a bad day, knows that not all days feel like this, but it’s
not helping. He just – he never wants to move again.
Hears his phone buzz, and takes a deep breath, and reaches for it, but – it’s
not Eren. It’s yet another random person from kijiji, inviting him to come over
and check out an apartment in an hour or so, and – Levi grits his teeth, and
climbs back to his feet. He needs a shower and new clothes. No fucking way is
he going anywhere until he puts on pants that aren’t covered in rotten milk.
- - -
The directions he gets texted to him are shit.
Wastes three hours wandering around in the rain, after getting on the wrong
bus, and then having to backtrack, and then getting on the right bus, only to
have to get off only one stop in and walk back to the skytrain station when he
realizes that his phone isn’t in his bag – finds it sitting on the bench where
he’d left it, and promptly just sits the fuck down. Holds onto his phone and
closes his eyes and just sits there in the rain, for a bit; until he gets back
on the skytrain and starts working his way back home. Texts the person to let
them know that he won’t be there, and then jams his headphones into his ears
and tries to not think about the fact that he’s wasted about an hour’s worth of
his pay cheque on pointless transit, just in one day. Can barely breathe by the
time he makes it up Erwin’s stairs, his soaked pants clinging to him and his
eyes are maybe burning a bit and he’s just so tired and – he nearly walks right
into Erwin, who – is home, apparently.
Levi doesn’t even know what day it is.
“Well, you look like shit.”
Erwin’s smiling at him, though. Lets go of his arms, where he’d stopped him
from falling; and Levi looks up at him, at his ridiculous fond expression, at
the way he’s never once given a fuck about Levi so often being a fucking
hopeless human being; and, fuck, he doesn’t want to leave.
“Levi?”
“Fine, I’m – I-I’m fine.” 
He doesn’t sound fine. Not even close. Closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
Keeps his eyes closed when he can hear Erwin frowning at him.
“You okay?”
“No,no, I’m not fucking –”
“Cause you’re looking a bit like a half-drowned cat –”
“Piss off –”
“Maybe this’ll help, then.”
Maybe what will help? Levi opens his eyes, to find Erwin looking thoughtful,
though he’s still frowning a bit, and – god, he just got back from a
conference, why is Levi doing this to him now.
“Look, I’m sorry, I just –”
“My lease is up in two weeks. I’m not going to be renewing it.”
He says it so casually, like it’s no big – why, why would he do this now, how
could this help?
“Hanji’s planning on joining us, too. Talked to them, today, after Mike and I
finally made up our minds; and we figured we can probably all find ourselves
some nice three-bedroom place, somewhere.”
Two weeks.
Levi needs to be out of here in two weeks.
He can’t do that.
It’s too soon, he’s not ready; he still doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing –
“I – I-I fine, I can be – out of your hair, by then, I’ve already started
looking, a-actually, should be able to find a place b-by then, should –”
Why is Erwin frowning even harder at him?
“Levi, you – I meant – Mike and I would be sharing a room, you idiot. With
another for Hanji, and the third for you, if you want it – shit, you’re really
out of it today, aren’t you? Look, why don't I make us some dinner, or
something, and –”
Levi only realizes he’s hugged him when Erwin goes still.
Goes very, very still, and just stands there, as Levi shoves his face into his
chest, and – he can feel the tears slipping down his cheeks.
“Jesus, Levi.”
Erwin sounds about as freaked out as he does concerned. Wraps his arms around
Levi, too, and pulls him closer.
Levi can’t breathe.
“Thank you, t-thank you so –”
“Oh, god,shut up, please, you’re – that’s really not necessary.”
Tightens his grip, though, despite how embarrassed he sounds; and Levi shoves
his face a bit deeper into his chest, tries to swallow through how tight his
throat has gone, and – god, though, he can be happy, with the three of them,
like that. Knows that he can.
“It’s not like living with you is exactly a hardship,you know.”
Levi didn’t know.
“I mean, hell – these last few months have been some of the best of my life.
I’ve gotten pretty damn fond of seeing your scowly face every day. Did you
really think I’d want to give that up?”
His hand’s rubbing a slow circle against his back, like he’s trying to soothe
him. Levi can’t even be pissed about it. Closes his eyes, and just lets himself
stand there. He’d have never asked – would have never tried to come between
Erwin and Mike – but Erwin’s offering; and that’s completely different. That’s
– Levi can do that, he’s going to – this is happening, for real. He's going to
be okay. Everything's going to be okay.
“And, you know, living with my three best friends sounds pretty fucking good to
me, so – glad to hear you’re on board, too.”
On board. 
Christ.
As if he’d be anything but.
Can hear Erwin still smiling; and Levi should pull away, should dry his eyes,
but – he’s going to just stand here. Just for a little bit longer.
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Notes
     (Kink advisory: mild hair pulling).
Two days.
It’s been two days since Erwin had dropped the bombshell; and Levi’s been
walking on clouds ever since. Had called Eren that very night, and nearly lost
his eardrum with how excitedly Eren had ended up yelping and whooping in his
ear, his grin clear all the way through the phone line. Had eventually fallen
asleep later that night curled up on his half of Erwin’s bed, with Erwin passed
out beside him – exhausted from his trip – and with Eren’s breathing soft and
calming in his ear, muttering to himself as he’d kept up his studying with Levi
on the other end of the line.
Levi had slept better than he had in weeks.
Had met up with Hanji after work the next day, and ended up sitting on a park
bench together. Hanji had been beaming like an idiot, and going on and on about
all their apartment decorating ideas; and Levi unable to keep a smile from his
face. Had eventually ended up with Hanji curled up against him, head on his
shoulder, and a bunch of pigeons fluttering around their feet, and – Levi,
apparently, hadn’t been the only one worried about losing their roommate; and
when Hanji hadn't quite managed to hide their gratitude, talking about how
living with Mike had always been one of the best parts of their life, Levi had
sucked it up and wrapped an arm around them. For the first while, after they’d
met, they hadn’t had the easiest relationship, until they’d figured out how to
exist in the same space while being such different people; but Levi’s never had
to pretend around Hanji – never had to be anyone but himself – and that’s
something that he’ll always be grateful for.
“Levi?”
Two days. Two days of feeling like he’s been walking on air.
And now Eren’s finished his last assignment, and they’re curled up on Annie’s
goddamn couch, in the middle of yet another horrible party full of teenagers –
except there’s really nothing at all horrible about this. He’s curled up
against Eren – resting against his chest, with his legs tugged up on the couch,
and Eren’s legs on either side of him, and his arms tight around Levi – and the
music is actually something decent, and he’s had just enough beer to be tipsy,
and his heart is fucking hammering with the way Eren’s rubbing circles against
his arms with his thumbs, and –
Yeah, there’s nothing horrible about his.
He’s moving in with three of the people he’s closest to on the planet, and he’s
got Eren curled up behind him, neither of them apparently giving a fuck that
they’re in a room full of people, and – Levi’s never been this happy, in all
his long life. It’s an incredibly fucking nice feeling, for once.
“Mmhmm?”
“I really am so incredibly happy for you, you know.”
His voice is soft, in Levi’s ear. Scattered across the room, the rest of Eren’s
friends are in various stages of making asses of themselves – even Mikasa and
Sasha are here, this time – and Levi’s heart is starting to hurt, as Eren’s
hands slide up to rest over his chest, instead of his arms; and Levi closes his
eyes, and lets his head tilt back a bit further. Lets Eren pull him in even
closer.
“You’d damn well better be. Means you finally get to fuck me in a bed.”
And –
Alright, he hadn’t quite meant to say that.
Feels Eren suck in a sharp breath, arms going iron-tight around him, and –
shit.
“Are you – are you kidding me –”
It’s basically a hiss in his ear. Levi’s so flushed it hurts. Around them,
people are still drinking, and laughing, and the music is still playing, and –
Eren shifts against him, once, and then stills.
“Eren-n –”
“Come with me.”
It’s low, and strained, against his ear; and Levi can’t stand up quickly
enough. Can feel how shaky his knees have gone. Takes Eren’s hand – does his
best to not look at everyone around him – and lets Eren tug him out of the
room, and down the stairs, until – fuck, they’re back in the goddamn laundry
room; and Eren’s locking the door and shoving him against one of the dryers,
until Levi ends up nudged up onto it, his legs around Eren and Eren panting as
he leans in to lick his neck.
Shit.
“I-I – shit, Eren –”
Suddenly, Eren stops. Goes still, and just breathes against him, mouth pressed
against his skin.
Levi’s legs are like a vice around him, and he runs his hands up Eren's back,
his heart slamming.
“Is this – okay?”
Levi swallows. Eren’s practically vibrating, like he’s just barely holding
himself back.
“Is what –”
“Me, going all – caveman and bossy on you, here. Is that – okay-y?”
And – alright, to hell with the way Levi’s cheeks are flushing; because he
needs to clarify something, here. Something that he probably should have made
clear from the beginning, as soon as he realized Eren had a penchant for
pinning him against things, or crawling on top of him.
“Kid, you’ve got – blanket permission to d-do pretty much whatever you’d like
to me, alright?”
“But –”
“Look, y-you – if you do something I don’t like, you will know, I promise you
–”
“But – what do you want? Do y-you – is that something –”
“I l-like it.”
His heart’s slamming hard enough to hurt, suddenly. He’s got nothing to be
embarrassed about – knows he doesn’t; not when he’s with Eren – but. Still.
Takes a deep breath when Eren swallows.
“Is that so.”
“You do not get to make fun of me for –”
“I’m not.”
His hands are inching up, until they’re in his hair, tugging just a bit, enough
to – Eren had been paying attention, then. Had figured out just how much Levi
likes having his hair pulled. Shit.
“I’m not making fun, Levi. I’d never dream of it.”
Eren’s voice is soft, his fingers tightening, until – curling into his hair and
pulling it tighter, until Levi closes his eyes, heat sweeping down the entire
length of him. He’s probably bruising Eren’s hips. Whimpers – can’t help it –
and Eren’s fingers gentle; and Levi’s skin is so hot it hurts. His heart is
slamming. Opens his eyes to find Eren wide-eyed, like he can’t believe what
he’s seeing.
“Works for y-you, too, then?”
He feels it all over when Eren just blinks at him, suddenly looking a little
bit helpless. Nods, and then closes his eyes, and takes a breath, and puts a
hand on his cheek, gentle against Levi’s skin.
“I – everything about you works for me, you – literally, w-whatever you ever
wanna do, Levi, I am –”
“How about we start with you finally f-fucking me senseless, then, as soon as
we get that bed?”
And – what is wrong with him.
It’s like something in his brain is broken. Like someone’s cracked his filter
wide open – although, based on the way Eren’s gaping and flushing all the way
down his neck, maybe Levi’s doing something very right, instead. Gets his legs
back around Eren’s waist and tugs; but Eren doesn’t move. Just – stares at him,
until Levi starts to feel embarrassed, again, heating creeping up his face.
“Christ, Eren, it’s not like I’m doing you some huge favour, here, you don’t
have to –”
Eren’s thumb slides across his lip, and Levi stops talking.
Stays still as Eren cups his chin, his thumb dragging across his lip. Watches
the movement, his mouth hanging open, a bit; and then looks back up at him,
still looking a little bit lost, and – Levi tugs, again, his heart slamming;
and ends up with Eren holding on tight, his face buried in his neck.
“I break you, kid?”
He sounds breathy as fuck, but he doesn’t care.
Now with Eren so flushed he can feel the heat against his neck.
Takes a breath when he feels Eren swallow; and they can’t do anything, not here
– he is not getting off in someone’s laundry room – but god, he wants to – and
Eren’s breathing has gone shaky.
“I – we are going to do this properly, alright, all of it, we –”
“Kink n-negotiation? Safe, sane and consensual?”
“Yes, t-those things – that’s – are you laughing at me?”
Eren sounds absolutely outraged, suddenly; and it just makes Levi grin harder,
where he’s got his face buried in Eren’s hair. He’s not, though. Not laughing
at him. He just – he can’t fucking stop smiling.
“Swear to god, Levi –”
“I’m grinning cause I’m happy, you dick. Now shut up and let me enjoy –”
Eren’s grip around him turns crushing, and Levi’s not quite sure what kind of
noise he makes; but it’s enough to get a shaky exhale out of Eren. Enough to
get Eren’s hands up and under Levi’s shirt, splaying out across his stomach –
jerks when Eren’s teeth scrape against his skin – gets his fingers up into
Eren’s hair while Eren kisses his neck; and Levi’s flaring hot everywhere –
A knock on the door makes them both freeze.
Levi’s pretty sure they’re not even breathing.
“If you two are fucking in there, I swear to god I will send Annie in to kill
you.”
Reiner. 
Levi hears Eren make a little squeaking sound. There’s a pause, from outside
the door, and then –
“Also, Bertolt needs to wash his socks.”
For a moment, nobody moves – and then Eren’s laughing so hard he’s wheezing,
clinging to Levi like he needs to stay up – and, shit, if Levi grins any harder
his face is going to start to hurt.
“You’re fucking hopeless.”
Reiner sounds disgruntled as fuck, before there’s the sound of him walking
away; and Levi holds on to Eren as Eren dissolves into actual fucking giggles,
high-pitched and stupid and just so fucking happy, and – this is going to be
Levi’s life, from now on; and he’s the luckiest man alive.
- - -
Levi spends the next day dragging his hungover ass around the office, having
spent the rest of the previous evening snuggled up on the couch with Eren,
drinking his beer and shivering his way through the fact that Eren had snuck
kisses against his neck for the rest of the night, clinging on tight to his
hand the entire time, wrapped up around him with his face in his neck like he
couldn’t get close enough, and – cleaning with a hangover should suck, but he
just doesn’t care.
Not when everything’s going to be okay.
Finally, everything’s going to be okay.
Somehow, the prospect of finding a new job doesn’t seem nearly as daunting when
he knows that he’ll have his own room to come home to. Knows that he’ll be
living with friends, and sleeping in his own bed, and living in his own
apartment, and – and he has a teenage kid who’s in love with him and who treats
him like fucking gold;and, somehow, everything’s not nearly as scary anymore.
- - -
That evening, Levi gets home and walks into the living room to find –
Erwin’s on his hands and knees, flat-out wheezing with laughter, with Mike just
fucking sitting on top of him, arms crossed and a big-ass stupid grin on his
face, and – Levi takes a deep breath.
“What – what could you possibly –”
“Wanted to see how long he could hold me up.”
“You – you are both insane , you realize that, you are actually –”
“And now you get to live with us.”
Mike’s still grinning that big obnoxious grin of his, looking incredibly
pleased with himself; and Erwin is – crumpling, a bit, down on one elbow, and
still wheezing like he’s about to laugh himself to death, actual tears down his
face, and just looking and sounding so fucking happy, and –
Right. Levi should be making fun of them.
His chest shouldn’t be getting all achy, and his throat shouldn’t be going all
tight and annoying.
God, no wonder these two idiots have made it work for so long.
“I hate you both, for the record.”
“Aw, come on, that’s not a nice thing to say to your future room–”
Mike damn near goes down on his face as Erwin gives up and hits the floor.
Ends up lying on his back and cackling while Erwin lies beside him and wheezes,
still grinning. Levi’s pretty sure he’s never watched two giant grown men be so
absolutely ridiculous before.
“You two were fucking made for each other.”
“Damn right. And now we’re gonna live together.”
Erwin doesn’t seem quite capable of speech, yet, with how hard he’s wheezing –
just how long had they been sitting like that, anyway? – but Mike’s beaming
like an idiot, and – jesus christ, he might as well have hearts in his eyes,
with the way he’s grinning at Erwin, who just fucking beams right back at him,
and – Levi swallows, his chest pulling even tighter, a wave of fondness rushing
through him, and – right. He’s not the only one whose life is changing, here.
After seven long years together – seven years of falling stupid head over heels
for each other, and more or less running an entire office together – these two
are finally getting their chance to live together.
God, Levi hopes that he gets to be Erwin’s best man at the wedding, someday.
“Levi?”
Erwin still sounds winded, but he’s lying on his stomach, chin on his elbows,
looking so fucking happy Levi can barely stand to look at him; and Levi takes a
breath, his chest all achy and tight.
Someday. Someday, maybe, he’ll get to watch these two tie the knot.
And maybe, someday, Erwin can be the best man at Levi’s wedding, too.
“You – you t-two just have fun with – whatever it is you’re doing here. I’m
gonna go shower off the garbage juice, and –”
“Might not need to, actually, for much longer. Hanji might have found you a
job.”
It takes a second – he’s busy picturing Eren standing at an altar, which is
something he needs to stop fantasizing about right the fuck now – and then it
sinks in; and Levi feels his heart jump, a bit.
He’s rarely ever been fond of hope – it’s almost always lead to dead ends, for
him – but, with everything going right in his life, for once, it just – it
doesn’t feel as a scary as it normally does.
“Really-y?”
“Mmm. I’ll let them tell you, though. Figured we could all get together for
dinner tonight, if you’re up for it. Seeing as we’re all gonna be living
together, we should probably sit down and chat.”
Erwin’s still smiling at him, and Mike’s laid down with his head on Erwin’s
back, eyes closed and that pleased little smile on his face, and – alright, so
this is going to be one hell of a dinner, then.
“I, um. I’ve already invited Eren over.”
“Oh, excellent! The more the –”
“The more the train wreck, more like, jesus –.”
“Does it help if I promise not to tease him too much?”
“No, it doesn’t.”
The glare he gives Mike doesn’t faze him at all, based on the way he’s still
grinning up at Levi; and Levi takes a moment to rub his fingers against his
eyelids, before he glares at them both again.
“I swear, Mike –”
“You’ll kick my ass?”
“I will end you if –”
“You and that boy are adorable together, Levi. I don’t intend to cause any
shit.”
And –
Okay. That’s new.
That’s – Levi swallows, and – he’s maybe glaring less, now, with the way Mike’s
smiling at him.
“Since when did you become such a fucking sap?”
“Since you became happier than I’ve seen you in all the years I’ve known you.”
Oh, hell.
“I am not having this conversation.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that Eren’s turned you into a big ol’ softy.”
“Yeah, well, this softy is still more then capable of kicking your ass, so –”
“And this is going to be my life from now on.”
Erwin doesn’t sound all that perturbed by the idea – instead, he’s glancing
between Levi and Mike, and looking all kinds of happy about it – and Levi rubs
his eyes, again, and then shoots Mike one final glare – gets a smirk in
response – before he turns and leaves, Erwin’s little snicker following him all
the way out, and – yeah, alright, if this is going to be their lives from now
on, then Levi’s pretty sure he can handle it. God, add Hanji into the mix, and
the four of them living together is going to be an absolute fucking
shitshow,and – shit, Levi can hardly wait.
- - -
An hour later, and Levi is sitting on the steps outside of the apartment, in
the rain, waiting.
This time, he doesn’t have his sketchpad – doesn’t have anything to do with his
hands – but that’s okay. He doesn’t need to look busy, now. Doesn’t give a fuck
if it’s painfully obvious that he’s literally just sitting here waiting, like
the stupid lovesick dork that he is. Only three months in, and he’s already
past the point of needing any kind of pretense around Eren. Knows that he
doesn’t need to pretend around him. Sucks in a breath, and closes his eyes, his
throat tightening.
Three months. That’s it. How did they already get here?
And yet – he’s not worried, anymore. Doesn’t feel like it’s all going to come
crashing down.
Eren loves him, and Levi’s pretty sure he’s never felt so certain about
anything in his entire life.
“Hey, good lookin’.”
It’s soft, and barely audible.
Levi swallows, and opens his eyes.
Eren’s smile is soft and sweet, and he’s soaked all over, his expression just
so fucking fond as he stands there in the rain and smiles at him; and Levi’s
chest hurts. Closes his eyes, again; and then opens them and holds out his
hands, his stomach jumping when Eren takes them. Tugs, gently, as Eren
swallows, looking almost nervous, and – and then Eren’s letting Levi tug him
into his lap, soaking wet legs on either side of him, arms around Levi’s neck,
and Levi’s face in his chest, and –
Perfect. 
This is – perfect.
Levi’s heart feels like a trapped bird, in his chest.
And Eren – doesn’t say anything.
Just makes a shaky little noise, something that sounds almost hurt – and Levi
tightens his grip – pulls Eren in as close as he can – and buries his face into
Eren’s soaked sweater. Closes his eyes as Eren’s fingers curl into his hair,
tucking Levi in close against him, his chin settling on top of Levi’s head, and
his arms around him, and – ends up with Eren just holding on to him like he
never wants to let go, curled up tight in Levi’s arms, with the rain slamming
down all around them.
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Notes
     I just want to say thank you, truly, to every wonderful soul who's
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Levi’s not quite sure how long they sit there before Eren finally moves.
Doesn’t go far, though. Just threads his fingers tighter into Levi’s hair and
tilts his head back to kiss him, gentle and sweet and still dripping with rain,
and his fingers all wrapped up in his hair.
Levi’s pretty sure he’s gone pretty much boneless.
Sucks in a breath when Eren smiles against his mouth, and then kisses him,
again, before pulling back. Levi can’t quite get his eyes open, for a moment;
but when he does, Eren’s skin is flushed and his eyes are bright and he’s
smiling so sweetly at him, christ, how did Levi ever find this kid.
“You’re so damn good to me.”
Oh, hell.
Eren would say that, wouldn’t he, soft and sweet and so painfully genuine,
right when he’s sitting on top of Levi, smiling at him, keeping him pinned,
with nowhere for Levi to run. Opens his mouth, and – swallows when Eren
suddenly just fucking beams at him, his hands sliding to cup his cheeks,
brushing some of the rain from Levi’s face. Levi’s still got his arms around
his waist.
“Of course, though, I’m pretty sure I’m not too shabby of a boyfriend myself,
so –”
“Cocky doesn’t suit you, you know.”
Levi still sounds a bit too breathy; but it’s worth it for the way Eren’s grin
creeps a bit wider.
“Oh? And here I thought you liked my –”
“Eren –”
“Cockiness.”
Eren’s grinning like the fucking sun, and looking incredibly pleased with
himself.
Levi swallows through the way it makes his stomach jump.
“You are such an idiot.”
“And yet here we are.”
And – Eren just looks so pleased with absolutely everything ; but Levi can’t
quite glare at him, not with the way his heart’s trapped somewhere up in his
throat – though, god, his knees are going to break, if they sit here for much
longer. His spine’s aching, and his ass is numb, and he just doesn’t care , and
– only realizes how badly he’s staring when Eren drops his eyes and starts to
blush. Bites his lip, his eyes falling down to somewhere around Levi’s chest,
as – christ, he can actually watch the heat creep up Eren’s face; and Eren,
suddenly, can’t quite seem to look at him.
“I, um. Kind of wanna make a crack about how my incredibly hot boyfriend –”
“Stop it –”
“– took one l-look at me and decided he just had to cuddle me senseless –”
“Oh my god, shut up –”
“– but I’m a little too busy just being grateful for it.”
Eren’s voice is soft, and maybe a bit hesitant; and Levi almost feels a bit
dizzy with it.
Closes his eyes, and takes a breath, his heart jumping all over; and then he
cups Eren’s face with his hands. Kisses him as softly as he can, their lips
barely brushing together. Doesn’t miss the way it makes Eren shiver all over.
Hold him there, gently, until Eren sighs against his mouth, his fingers sliding
back up into Levi’s hair to hold him there, and – leans back, just a bit, and
presses an honest-to-god actual fucking kiss to Levi’s forehead; and Levi
blushes so hot it fucking hurts.
God, he’s never going to get used to this.
Never.
Closes his eyes when Eren brushes Levi’s bangs away from his face, which –
shit, that was the first time that Eren had ever really touched him, wasn’t it?
Back on that horrible morning when Levi had been on no sleep and cleaning the
floor and Eren had gotten him coffee and played with his hair and helped him to
clean, and… and now they’re here, how did they get here, how is this even real.
“Come on, then, incredibly hot boyfriend. Let’s go plan your future.”
And – Eren’s smiling at him, again, so horribly fond that Levi can barely look
at him; and it actually hurts, how sharply his chest squeezes. Only moves when
Eren slides off his lap, and takes his hands, tugs him to his feet – squeezes
his hand, as he smiles, again, his eyes bright, and –
Right. Because that is what they’re doing here, isn’t it?
Planning the future.
For once, though, it just – doesn’t feel scary.
Not with Eren standing there, smiling at him, sweet and patient, like he’s
waiting for Levi to get it together; and Levi takes a deep breath, and squeezes
Eren’s hands back, holding on tight. Nods, and gets one final little grin from
Eren before Eren starts tugging him; and Levi lets himself be tugged inside,
with Eren dripping all over the floor and Levi’s heart up in his throat.
Planning for the future.
God, he really likes the sounds of that.
- - -
Hanji shows up fifteen minutes late with Starbucks.
Levi feels like there’s a joke in there – knows that there’s a joke in there,
actually – but he’s too busy being distracted by the fact that Mike’s outdone
himself again. Levi’s not even sure how pasta can taste this good, but he’s not
going to ask. Not when Mike’s already looking smug enough about it. Just tucks
his leg against Eren’s under the table, beside him – doesn’t miss the way Eren
blushes, a bit, and grins down at his plate, which is so not subtle – and
enjoys his food.
Besides, he wants to hear what Hanji and Erwin are talking about, anyway.
“So, alright, I did some looking, and there’s this three-bedroom place close to
Nanaimo –”
“Zone one?”
“Right! And, the view, oh my god , Erwin, it’s – I mean, there’s nowhere around
here where it’s exactly hard to see the mountains, of course, but this place in
particular – it’s gorgeous –”
“Room for me to –”
“Driveway, and everything – oh, and! I meant to say, a big backyard, too, if we
want to get a –”
“If – look, Hanji, we probably shouldn’t get a dog, as lovely as that –”
“I would be getting a dog, you twit – you all love dogs, I don’t see what the
problem –”
“Did someone say something about getting a dog?”
“You’re not helping.”
The look Erwin gives him is exasperated, and Levi's knows that his grin is
probably pretty obnoxious. 
“Wasn’t trying to.”
“Levi –”
“Besides, Hanji’s right. We all love dogs. As long as the place is big enough
–”
“See? Levi agrees with –”
“And , as long as you, yourself, are fine with being solely responsible for
another living breathing life form for like the next fifteen years –”
“You kidding? I’ll treat it like gold for the rest of its wonderfully fluffy
existence.”
And – Hanji’s practically beaming, looking so damn thrilled about the idea; and
Levi believes it, actually. As spazzy as Hanji can get, they’ve got a sense of
compassion an ocean wide, along with that stupidly smart brain of theirs, and –
yeah, Levi could see them taking care of a dog for the next decade or so. And
he certainly wouldn’t say no to having some cute little four-legged critter to
greet him at the door. Glances sideways to find Eren looking about as excited
as Hanji – big bright eyes and a hopeful smile – and has to take a moment to
breathe through the butterflies.
God, Eren curled up in Levi’s bed, sleepy-eyed and snuggled up around some
overgrown puppy.
Levi might not actually survive it.
“Mike?”
Levi bites down his grin; but Erwin doesn’t sound at all resigned, or
exasperated, actually. If anything, he’s smiling a bit, now. And Levi knows the
answer even before Mike smiles back.
“Hey, if Hanji’ll take it whenever we leave, again, I’m all for it.”
“Yes! Oh, thank you, this – oh my god, this is amazing, this –”
“And, I hereby volunteer to help out with shit clean-up duty, too. You
shouldn’t be the only one in charge of that just ’cause the mutt belongs to
you.”
“Softy.”
Levi fully expects the middle finger Mike gives him across the table. Hides his
smirk in his coffee – god, whatever Hanji had ordered for him, it tastes
fucking divine – as Hanji – okay, Levi’s not sure he’s ever seen them look this
happy. Erwin, too, looks pleased with just about everything, and – Levi has to
breathe through the wave of affection. Shit, they’re actually going to do this.
“God, guys, I’m just so excited – this is actually happening, we’re really
going to –”
“Wanted a dog for a while, I presume?”
“Since I was a kid,Levi, since – and how about you, Eren? Wanna come help me
pick one out at the shelter?”
And – holy shit.
Levi hadn’t been expecting that. Neither had Eren, based on the way his mouth
drops open.
Shit, the kid looks like he’s almost about to cry.
“But – Hanji, I – I-I couldn’t possibly –”
“I’ll have the final say, of course, ’cause it’s my dog, and all –”
Eren’s laugh sounds a little watery, and – yeah, wow, those are definitely
tears in his eyes.
“– but I’d love the company. Hey, maybe you can convince your boyfriend to
come, too.”
Hanji’s still smiling at Eren, who looks completely overwhelmed; and Levi finds
Eren’s hand, under the table, between them, and – alright, so at some point,
then, in the far future, the two of them are getting a dog, if this is Eren’s
reaction. Feels Eren’s fingers tighten around his; and has to take a deep
breath, before he can direct his glare at Hanji, who merely starts smirking
back at him.
“I am sitting right here , you ass –”
“That you are. Right next to this lovely sweetheart of yours. Shit, if you two
get any cuter –”
“Piss off.”
“My heart might just burst , I swear, you’re just so –”
“I will end you.”
“– freaking sweet together –”
“With this fork. I will stab you with this–”
“Ooh, I’m so scared , how will I ever –”
“God, you two, you’re a train wreck.”
Mike sounds almost awed. Erwin has his face in his hands, grinning into them.
And Eren – Eren’s wiping at his eyes and looking so happy it hurts; and Levi –
doesn’t miss the way Hanji’s smile gentles, a bit, as they glance over at Eren
– someone’s got a soft spot for the kid, apparently – and, shit, this is
actually going to happen. The four of them are actually going to give this
whole living thing together a go, and they’re going to get a dog, on top of
that; and it is definitely going to be an all-around absolute disaster; and
Levi couldn’t be happier about it.
- - -
It’s only a bit later – they’re all done eating, and Eren and Hanji have done
the dishes; and all of them are sprawled out in various positions on the living
room floor, like they’re a bunch of high school kids – that Levi remembers
something pretty critical. Something that he really should have already thought
of. Takes a moment to take a sip of his wine – Hanji, surprisingly, is the
classiest one out of all of them, and had brought along some actually damn good
wine to go along with Erwin and Mike’s stash of beer – before he takes a deep
breath and sets his glass down.
“Hey, um – what are we doing about – when does your guys’ lease run out?”
And – shit, that could be a problem. Because Erwin and Levi need to be out of
here in about a week, sure, but if Mike and Hanji still have a while to go on
their place, then that could get tricky – watches as Hanji raises their head,
from where they’ve been lying with their face in their hands, feet kicking in
the air. Stares at him, and then directs a frown in Erwin’s direction, where
he’s sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with Mike against the couch, both of them
with a beer in their hands.
“Hey, yeah, what did we decide to do about that?”
Levi can actually feel the wave of panic. And Eren – opens his eyes, where he’s
been lying against Levi’s leg, using him as a pillow. Rolls on to his stomach
to watch the scene, as Hanji sighs and sits up, cross-legged, their bottle of
wine sitting almost completely empty beside them.
“I mean, we’ve only got two months left. End of June. Which, that place off
Nanaimo syncs up with perfectly, actually. As for where you and Erwin are going
to stay for those months, well –”
Shit. 
Shit.
He can’t afford to pay for a hostel for two months, he can’t –
“I mean, Mike and Erwin – you two could share Mike’s room, of course, and Levi
–”
Hanji pauses, and looks at Mike, who merely shrugs, suddenly looking a bit
apologetic.
“If Levi wants our couch, it’s all his, of course. I just wish we had something
better to offer, but –”
“Stop apologizing. It’s – it’s fine, that’s p-perfect.”
He can hear the catch in his voice. Can feel how badly his teeth are grinding.
Realizes that Eren’s fingers have curled into his, and holds on tight, not
looking at anyone.
Another two months of sleeping on a couch.
Another two month of his friends looking out for him, and – hell, he’d maybe
still be sleeping on a park bench, or worse, if Erwin hadn’t found him, so many
years ago; and now he’s got two more people who are willing to give him
shelter. Two more people, somehow, who care enough to – breathes through the
ache of it, suddenly; because if Erwin hadn’t hit Levi’s bicycle, that day,
that lifetime ago, then Levi would have never met any of these people. Would
have never ended up sitting here, would have never met Eren, would have never –
hell, Levi might well be dead by now.
“Excellent! That’s settled, then. Two months of cramming four people into an
apartment built for two, and then we all find ourselves some lovely big place
with a backyard, and settle down and get a dog and be all domestic and shit,
and – good goddamn, this calls for some more wine. Eren?”
Eren’s not looking at Hanji, though. Levi can feel the way the kid’s staring up
at him – shit, he probably doesn’t even mean to do it, even with how hard
Levi’s squeezing his hand – and Levi sucks in a breath and raises his head,
trying his best to fix Hanji with at least some kind of scowl.
“Getting the underage k-kid drunk, I see?”
“This from the guy who’s dating the underage kid.”
The snort that Mike lets out is ridiculous, but it’s a distraction, at least;
and Levi gives him a glare, and gets a pleased little amused smirk in return.
Hears Eren huff out a soft little laugh, too, before he sits up, beside him,
their shoulders bumping together and his fingers still laced into Levi’s.
“Thanks, but I’ve got an essay I need to write, so – I think I’m going to head
out, but –”
“Ooooh, what are you –”
“Um – Canadian Red Cross blood donation policies, for – for, uh, men who have
sex with men, actually. It’s – I’m probably in over my head, a bit, but – I
wanted to – I dunno, I just thought –”
“Wanted to write about something that matters?”
Erwin’s voice is soft, and Levi – it’s like someone’s reached into his chest
and wrapped a hand around his heart; because Eren’s looking a bit embarrassed,
maybe, but also a little bit pleased, like – hell, he probably doesn’t normally
get this kind of reaction, for stuff like this. Shit, this poor kid. Queer and
smart and opinionated at the age of seventeen. School must be hell for him.
“I – yeah, that. Exactly. My teacher’s probably gonna hate it, but –”
“Well, you’ve certainly got my respect for writing it. Let us know if we can
help, alright?”
Mike’s nodding along, and Erwin’s still smiling; and Eren blinks at them, for a
second, before he smiles, and nods. Climbs up to his feet – never lets go of
Levi’s hand, their elbows bumping as they end up standing beside each other;
and Levi’s going to catch hell from the rest of them, later, for being such a
sap; but it really doesn’t matter. Not with how good Eren’s hand feels in his.
“Thank you, for – for everything, truly, this was lovely –”
“Our apartment’s always open to you, Eren. And you’ll be welcome at the new
place any time.”
Hanji’s smiling up at him – shit, they must reallyhave a soft spot for this kid
– and Levi watches as Eren blinks around at the three of them, before he
swallows, and nods, a bit, and – alright, Levi needs to get him out, before he
gets too overwhelmed; and Levi, too, needs some goddamn air.
“Yes, you’re all sweet and lovely and adorable. Now, if you don’t mind –”
“Prickly little –”
“This prickly little will kick your ass if you don’t –”
“Then who would make you pasta?”
“I’m sure I’d manage without you.”
It comes out desert dry, just the way Levi wants it; and when Mike grins at
him, Levi just rolls his eyes and tugs on Eren’s hand. Leads him out into the
hall, and stands there beside him as Eren slides into his boots, the sound of
voices still floating in from the living room; and then it’s Eren’s turn to
take his hand, again, as he leads Levi down the stairs and onto the sidewalk.
Steps outside with him – it’s still raining; of course it is, and – only
realizes he’s being nudged against the wall when he’s already there, with
Eren’s arms around him and his face in his neck; and Levi hesitates, just for a
moment, before he wraps his arms around Eren, too, and pulls him close.
“Eren?”
“I just – wanted to hug you.”
“Well, aren’t we an adorable little sap tonight.”
There’s no bite to it, though. Not even close. And he feels Eren swallow and
try to move closer. Feels the way he shivers when Levi tightens his grip around
him, pressing his face into his hair.
“You have great friends, you know.”
“Bit different than being around them at work, isn’t it?”
"It’s – yeah. Hell, even Hanji puts on a mask, at work, even if their – well,
quirkiness – still gets through.”
“I doubt that their quirkiness could ever be complexly toned down.”
Eren’s smiling against his neck, now; and Levi starts rubbing circles against
his back, with his fingers. Considers sliding them up and under his shirt, but
– they’re in public, kind of. Settles for just holding on until Eren takes a
breath and pulls back far enough to look at him, his eyes gone all soft.
“You gonna be okay?”
And – shit, this boy is perceptive.
“It’s only two more months, right? And then you’ll be able to –”
“Eren, I’m lucky just to have a roof over my head. I’m not gonna fucking
complain about –”
“You’re allowed to not want to be sleeping on a couch anymore, Levi. There’s
nothing wrong with that.”
It’s soft, and far, fartoo knowing, far too – Eren’s hands are gentle, against
his hips, and –
“I don’t want to sleep on a couch anymore.”
His knees feel almost a bit shaky with it; and Eren, suddenly, looks incredibly
sad on his behalf.
“I know, love. And there’s – you don’t have to feel bad about it, alright?
That’s –”
“I’m an ungrateful little piece of shit –”
“You’re tired. You’re a guy in his thirties who’s working his ass off to get
his life together –”
“Oh, thanks –”
“And you’ve been doing a remarkable job of it, and – you’re allowed to want a
break, Levi.”
His voice is still soft, and his eyes are wide, and earnest; and Levi – looks
down. Closes his eyes when Eren puts his fingers under his chin, but doesn’t
try to tilt his head back up.
“I mean it. You’re human. A particularly spectacular human, true –”
“Oh, hah.”
“– but human nevertheless. And you’re allowed to be getting sick of –”
“I’m not – that’s not –”
“I spent six months on Armin’s floor, you know. I was just about ready to burn
the whole world down.”
God, right – no wonder Eren gets it. And maybe – maybe there’s something to
what he’s saying, then. But – Levi can’t be ungrateful, he can’t. Not for a
second. He’d hate himself for it, and –
“I wish you could take me home with you.”
For a second, it doesn’t register.
Then, it does; and Levi wants to strangle himself.
Fuck, what was he thinking , that was – not what he meant to say, he would
never ask –
“You… want to come to the shelter?”
“No, no, look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have –”
Eren’s gone very still against him. Levi’s really fucking glad he’s already
looking down.
“Look, I-I didn’t mean –”
“Okay so literally the only reason I’ve never invited you is because I thought
you’d hate the idea of –”
“You – you have to live with these people, we can’t just –”
“We’re not illegal. They can’t actually stop me from –”
“Eren –”
“Levi, I don’t give a fuck who knows about you. I’d shout it from the rooftops,
if I could.”
Oh, hell. Oh god Levi is – he’s in so over his head, oh, god, he is so far
fucking gone.
“Just, let me double-check a few things, okay? But I’d love that, actually, if
you were to –”
“But –”
“Levi. I don’t care , alright? That I’m half your age, I mean. I really, really
don’t. This world, it’s – it’s full of – people are horrible to each other, all
the time, and you – y-you treat me like gold, okay, so – anyone who doesn’t
like you can just fuck off, because – y-you’re wonderful, you’re –”
Levi only realizes he’s kissed him when he ends up swallowing the words out of
Eren’s mouth.
Feels Eren go still – and then he’s being pressed up against the wall with Eren
breathing hard against his mouth, fingers digging in through his shirt, trying
to get closer, shaking all over as Levi – fuck it , gets a leg up and around
the back of Eren’s knee, twists his fingers up and into Eren’s hair, can’t get
him close enough ; and they’re both panting when Eren pulls back, though he
doesn’t go far, just – looks down, looking so horribly embarrassed; and Levi’s
heart fucking hurts.
“You’re w-wonderful, too.”
His voice is all fucked up and shaky and stupid and he sounds like a fucking
idiot, but he doesn’t care. Not when it makes Eren blush worse, his eyes down
and his fingers tugging on Levi’s hair, and – his lips turned up, just a bit,
even through the way he’s gone red just about up to his ears.
“Jesus, Levi.”
“And I-I – I don’t care, either. If you don’t, then I –”
“Good I – t-that’s good.”
He sounds a bit breathless, but he’s grinning, now, even if it’s still a bit
embarrassed, his eyes still down around Levi’s chest – huffs out a laugh, and
then looks up, again, grinning a bit wider.
“God, w-we’re stupid.”
Levi doesn’t quite trust his ability to speak, yet. Reaches out, instead, to
drag his fingers along Eren’s bangs – keeps his eyes open, somehow, when Eren
swallows and closes his eyes, pressing his face into Levi’s palm, letting Levi
just hold him there, and – Levi wants to do this forever, but – takes a deep
breath, and holds it, and then lets it out again, his thumb sliding along
Eren’s chin.
“You – you should probably –”
Eren’s eyes take a second to open. When they do, he looks absolutely blissed
the fuck out, stupid and happy with it, and – Levi’s going to tuck that away
forever. Keep that memory for whenever he needs it. Drops his hand, slowly,
with a final press of his fingers against Eren’s flushed cheek.
“Your b-bus –”
“Yeah, I gotta – but I’ll – I’ll text you later, ka?”
He manages a nod, at least, feeling his own cheeks flush, and – takes a breath
when Eren smiles at him for a moment longer before he leans in to press a
gentle kiss to Levi’s cheek, and then squeezes his hand, one last time, and
then turns and steps out on to the sidewalk, out into the rain; and Levi
doesn’t go back inside until Eren’s gone around the corner. Waves back, when
Eren stops to wave at him from down the street; and then Levi gives himself a
minute to just breathe, because his knees are nowhere near steady enough to
make it up the stairs; but by the time he gets back inside and steps back into
the living room, his heart’s still slamming like crazy.
“Ready to get your ass whooped at drunk monopoly?”
It’s a comment that’s worthy of Hanji, really, but it comes out of Erwin’s
mouth.
Levi takes a breath, and fixes all of them with a glare, when he’s met with
identical shit-eating grins, all three of them sitting around the actual
fucking monopoly board that they’ve put on the floor, and – if this, here, is
going to be his life, then he can wait. Can keep it together a bit longer.
“Move over, peasants. Time for me to kick all your asses.”
“Ooooh, fighting words.”
Hanji’s practically baring their teeth, with how wide they’re grinning; and
Erwin makes some amused huffing sound as he moves over to give Levi room; and
Levi takes the time to reach for his drink, before he settles in, crossing his
legs, too, and pulling his stack of money a little closer.
Two months.
That’s it. He can do this.
And then he’ll be able to come home to this bunch of idiots, and curl up in a
bed with Eren.
He still feels a bit shaky, though, and – debates it for an annoyingly long
moment, before he lets himself lean, just a bit, against Erwin, who shoots him
a little sideways smile, as Mike reaches across the board to hand both of them
a new bottle of beer, and Hanji rolls the dice and immediately starts cackling,
because they’ve always been a weirdo with a fondness for the little blue set,
and – yeah, Levi can do this.
He’s made it this far. He can hang on a little bit longer. And – hell, Eren
thinks he’s wonderful.
As long as Levi’s got him, then he can deal with just about anything.
***** Chapter 21 *****
Erwin sells the couch two days later.
Levi’s still home, getting ready for work, when the buyer comes; and he kind of
wants to stand outside and watch them drive away with it, but that would be
fucked up, even for him. Ends up sitting on the living room floor and staring
around at the slightly emptier room, all his stuff pushed over into a pile
against the wall, and his eyes on where Erwin is hovering in the doorway.
“Weird?”
Erwin’s arms are crossed, where he’s leaning against the doorframe. Glances
around the room – there’s really not that much furniture, without the couch –
with the tiniest hint of a frown on his face.
“Bit weird, yeah. I’m - I think I'll miss this place, a little. It’s – I don’t
know, it was – it felt pretty much like home, for a bit, but –”
“Yeah, but your new home comes complete with a giant blonde bed-warmer.”
“Very true.”
There’s a smile now, instead; which is what Levi was going for. Gets back to
his feet – god, that sappy look Erwin gets, even when he’s just thinking about
Mike – and – it hits Levi, suddenly, with such force that he almost staggers.
How could he have forgotten something so important.
“Mother fucking piece of –”
“Levi?”
“Hanji. I forgot to ask – dammit –”
“Your interview’s not for another few weeks, Levi. You’re alright.”
And – Levi can almost feel every single muscle in his body seize up.
“My…”
“I checked with Hanji, before they left, the other night. You’d already passed
out –”
“I did not –”
“– in your sad little broken empire of shitty monopoly properties –”
“You – you cheated– and – that’s not the –”
“– and they said they’d catch you after work today. S’okay, Levi. You’ve got
plenty of time.”
Christ. 
Levi looks down at the clothes he’s wearing. And old sweater and jeans with a
patch on the knee. Work boots over by the door. Some stupid old plaid shirts,
all ready to go for the next few days.
An interview.
If it’s for anything fancier than a factory, Levi probably doesn’t have the
clothes for it.
Feels his teeth grit together, and looks up to find Erwin still smiling at him,
all stupid and fond.
“Relax, alright? I think you’ll like this one.”
“You know?”
“I do. And I’ll tell you, if you want, of course, but –”
“Hanji might hurt you.”
“Quite likely.”
“It’s – yeah, it’s alright. I gotta be at work in an hour, anyway, so –”
“Want a ride?”
And – hell.
It’s barely eight in the morning; and it’s Erwin’s damn day off, and Levi knows
that Mike is still all snuggled up asleep in Erwin’s bed, where Erwin should
be, right now – shouldn’t be out here dealing with furniture, and trying his
best to take care of Levi, and – someday, Levi’ll find a way to pay him back
for everything. It won’t be today, but – he can start with the little stuff, at
least.
“Go back to bed, blondie. I feel like you’re missing out on some serious
snuggle time right now.”
It’s far too early for him to be saying stupid things like that, but it’s worth
it for the way Erwin actually goes a bit pink; and Levi knows that his grin’s
obnoxious, but – hell, that never happens.
“Ooh, score one for Levi.”
“Bugger off.”
“So even the great and mighty Erwin Smith need only think of snuggling up to
his boo, and he goes all shy and blush-y like an embarrassed little schoolboy
–“
“Don’t you have some horribly shitty toilets to clean?”
“I dunno, this seems far more amusing than –”
He has to dodge when Erwin swats at him, as Levi slips out into the hallway –
ends up grinning as he slides into his boots, with Erwin glaring at him, his
arms still crossed. Briefly considers adding something more – maybe something
about, now don’t you two go and snuggle the house down while I’m out, you
hear?– but it’s probably not fair to be doing this to Erwin before he’s
caffeinated. Settles for ruffling Erwin’s hair, instead – it’s embarrassing,
sure, how high he has to stretch – but it’s worth it to be the one screwing
with Erwin’s hair, for once, as Erwin tries to bat him away.
“Yes, yes, alright, point taken –”
“I’ve got a full eight-hour shift, if you two need a timeframe for –”
“Piss off, you wretched horrible –”
“Aren’t you just so fucking glad I stumbled into your life?”
“Of course I am.”
And – yeah, that’s not what Levi was going for at all.
It’s way too early for this shit; and his heart is doing something really
fucking stupid.
“Oh, no, was that too sappy for you?”
“Alright, now who’s being a jerk?”
“You started it.”
“Screw off. I’ll be home at six.”
“Have a good day at work, dear.”
“You are the worst.”
Erwin merely smiles at him, all pleased and smug, before he wraps his stupid
fluffy house coat tighter around himself and wanders back into the kitchen,
humming to himself like the giant loser he is; and there’s no excuse for the
way Levi’s still smiling by the time he’s locked the door behind him and made
it down the stairs. Hell, he’s probably smiled more in the last month than he
has in years, which – guess that’s what happens when some beautiful teenager
falls in love with you, and you finally start pulling together all the many
tendrils of your rather fucked-up life.
A job interview, though. Christ.
He needs to talk to Hanji. The toilets can fucking wait.
- - -
“I am busy, can you not see –”
“I’m not above bribery.”
“I have a meeting at four, Levi, I need to –”
“And I have toilets to clean, but you don’t see me whining about –”
“This is your idea of trying to butter me up?”
Hanji’s up on a fucking step ladder, fixing the overhead light in the supply
room.
Levi’s pretty sure they’re breaking a few safety regulations here – pretty sure
that he, as the custodian, is supposed to be the one who either figures this
shit out, or calls someone who can – but Hanji’s higher up the office pecking
order than him, so what the hell. And Levi’s also pretty sure that – given that
his previous jobs have mostly involved getting fired from coffee places,
whereas Hanji’s actually worked construction, before – they’re a hell of a lot
more qualified than him, anyway.
“If you fall, I’ll catch you.”
“That’s your bribery? That’s literally all you can –”
“Come on, you can talk to me and be a mechanic at the same time.”
“Mechanics work on cars, you –”
“Hanji –”
Hanji – alright, they don’t quite jump down, but there are definitely a few
steps that get missed.
Levi’s heart is still slamming by the time he’s got an armful of cackling
lunatic, helping them to stay upright as they wobble on the landing, grinning
in a way that makes Levi want to punch them.
“Jesus christ –”
“Alright, bribery accepted.”
“What is wrong with –”
“Needed to get my daily exercise.”
“Dammit, Hanji –”
“And it’s the gender studies office at SFU. They’re looking for a
receptionist.”
It takes a second – Levi’s too busy trying to not grab Hanji and fucking shake
them – and then it sinks in; and Levi’s heart is slamming for a different
reason; and he can’t quite fucking breathe.
“You – s-sure they’ll want some cis white dude working for them?”
He doesn’t sound like himself. Doesn’t sound like himself at all.
God. 
He wants that. He wants that so badly.
Realizes that Hanji’s looking almost proud of him, which is a rather
disconcerting expression, to have directed right at him; and then Hanji smiles
and pats his cheek, and Levi still doesn’t move.
“See, the fact that you just asked that is exactly why you should be working
there.”
“But –”
“Besides, the office head’s one of my best buddies. All she needed was for me
to recommend you, and, voila! Interview.”
“But –”
“Hell, I didn’t even have a resume to give her. Guess you’re just lucky that
you’re friends with someone so awesome, eh? Oh, and – drop in the fact that
you’ve got a boyfriend. That’ll help.”
Hanji’s grin is pretty smug, as they try to slip past them, and – Levi only
realizes he’s stopped them when they frown. Glance down at Levi’s hand, on
their arm, and then back up to his face.
“Levi? You… okay? Like, I mean, if you don’t want the interview, there’s no
pressure to –”
“Thank you.”
They don’t do this, normally – they snark, and they squabble; and while they
may occasionally do something affectionate, they don’t fucking talk about it –
but Levi feels a bit like he’s going to pass out, and – this is big. This is
important. This could actually be something. This is – he owes Hanji, for sure;
and Hanji’s smile is surprisingly sweet, as they reach down and squeeze his
arm.
“You’ve been a good friend to me for years, Levi. I wouldn’t recommend you if I
didn’t think you could do it.”
Oh, hell.
Levi takes a deep breath.
“Still. Thank you, I –”
“Don’t sweat it, darlin’. Just – May 27th, alright? 3:30 pm, I believe. I’ll
send ya Petra’s email, so you can write back and confirm – she’s the office
head, and the one you’ll be meeting with.”
“Thank –”
“And now, if you’re done being sappy, I really need to go fix people’s internet
woes –”
“You’re a fucking riot.”
“Aren’t I though?”
Hanji’s still grinning, as they duck out of the supply room, and – Levi
carefully takes a deep breath, and picks up the stepladder. He needs to put
that away and then go get some cleaning done and – he needs to fucking sitting
down, is what he needs; because he could be good at that. At being a
receptionist, in that kind of office. At – fuck, he’s never worked in an
office, before, but he knows computers, he – and he wouldn’t be working with
food, and he’d be working with – shit, people more like Hanji and Erwin and
Mike, probably. People he probably wouldn’t hate.
The toilets can wait. He really needs to sit down.
- - -
This time, when Eren finds him, sitting outside on the steps, he doesn’t sit
down beside him.
Sits down behind him, instead, and wraps his arms and legs around him, until
Levi’s pulled in close against him, with his head resting against Eren’s
shoulder, and Eren warm and solid behind him, and – Levi could do this for
hours. Could just rest against his chest and let Eren hold him.
“Morning.”
It’s barely a whisper.
Soft and sweet against his neck, and enough to give him goosebumps.
Levi doesn’t bother with words. Just finds Eren’s hand and holds on tight.
“Had coffee yet?”
It’s still soft, but Levi can feel it rumble through him, where he’s pressed
against Eren’s chest. Can feel the way he’s already getting butterflies, and –
god, he wants to do this naked.
Wants to get that fucking bed so Eren can hold him like this without anything
in between them.
“Cause I can go get some, if –”
“Hanji got me a job interview.”
It doesn’t quite feel real, yet. Behind him, Eren shifts, a tiny bit, and
tightens his grip.
“That why you feel tense enough to break?”
“Piss off.”
There’s no real heat to it. None at all. And Eren sucks in a breath against his
hair. Presses a kiss against his neck; and Levi shivers and closes his eyes.
Keeps them closed as Eren’s lips drift across his skin.
“Tell me about it?”
“Receptionist at a – gender studies office, at Simon Fraser. It’s – I could –”
Eren’s mouth stills, and then he’s grinning against Levi’s neck, his grip
tightening around him.
“Levi, oh my god, that’s – that would be –”
“I c-can’t fuck this up. I can’t –”
And – he’d have maybe been fine, probably; could have kept it together, at
least until he got home – if this gorgeous kid hadn’t curled up around him and
whispered in his ear, but – Levi still never wants him to move, though. He’d
rather sit here and be embarrassed than have Eren let go.
“Levi.”
It’s just – it’s been months . Months of cleaning toilets. And years, before
that, of work that he’s hated , and – and he can’t fuck this up, because this
is something he could actually be happy doing–
“Levi. Breathe, alright?”
“I –”
“We’ll figure it out, okay? Whatever you need. New clothes, practice questions,
I can come with you on the day if you want –”
“How are you even real?”
He sounds breathy as fuck, like his voice has been put through a shredder; but
he can’t care. Not when Eren sighs into his hair, his fingers rubbing circles
against his arms, and – Levi closes his eyes, as a drop of rain hits his face.
He doesn’t want to move, though. Wants to stay right here.
“When I was – like, fifteen, maybe, I – read this quote, somewhere. Something
like, ‘Treat her like you’re still trying to win her, and then you’ll never
lose her.’”
It – should probably be cliché, maybe. With Eren holding on to him, though, it
really just – isn’t.
“And, I mean, I know I’m young, so what the hell do I know, really, but –”
“Eren –”
“I think that – if you find someone to care about, in this stupid world, then
you’re – you’re really lucky, really, and – um –”
He stops.
Levi’s heart feels like it’s gotten all tangled up in his throat.
Holy shit.
“And I-I’m very aware of just how lucky you and I got, and – I think life does
its best to kick the crap out of us, so – anything I can do to make your life
easier, or happier, then I – I want that.”
And – yeah, no, Levi’s definitely not breathing any more.
Eren, now, is the one who feels tense against him, his arms gone even tighter
around him.
How the hell did Levi get this lucky, how is he the one who gets to have this
boy, this – this seventeen-year-old kid who gets it, somehow – gets that
relationships take work, that life is shitty, sometimes, but not hopeless ,that
– this kid who wants to take care of Levi, who wants to treat him like he’s
still trying to win him ,holy shit.
“Levi?”
Eren sounds – concerned. Maybe because Levi’s fingers are digging into his
knee.
“Are you –”
“I want that, too. Want to – be that for you, too, I want –”
His lungs are tight and his voice is all fucked up, and there are a couple more
raindrops on his face; and he’s pretty sure that Eren’s shaking as he presses
his face into Levi’s hair; and Levi closes his eyes as Eren’s hands slide from
his arms to shoulders, legs wrapping around him, so that – Eren’s probably
going to leave bruises; and, god, though, how is it Levi who lucked out and won
the goddamn boyfriend lottery, who stumbled into this boy’s life by utter
chance,and –
He’s not sure how long they sit there.
Doesn’t try to move even when the rain starts to fall a little bit harder.
Just nestles closer to Eren and lets him hold him until Eren sighs, softly, and
presses a kiss into his hair, and – Levi can feel the way Eren’s heart is
slamming. Can feel him take a deep breath.
“You’re awesome, Levi.”
The noise he makes is definitely a snort, his stupid heart jumping over all
over the place; but he can’t even care, because Eren’s smiling into his hair;
and that’s all that really matters, and – feels that smile fade as Eren takes
another breath, and tightens his grip, going a bit tense against him.
“Um, also… you’re, uh – you’re done at seven, right?”
Eren’s fingers are digging into his shoulders; and Levi nods, but – why is Eren
nervous, why is he – shivers when Eren presses his face into his hair, and
another drop of rain lands on his cheek.
“Because, um. I – I talked to my head of house, and he’s not exactly happy
about it, but he also trusts my judgement, which is nice to … but, anyway, um –
if – if you’re, um, still interested –”
“You’re inviting me over?”
His heart’s racing, suddenly; and he can feel Eren swallow.
“If – if you want to.”
If he wants to.
Christ. 
Takes a second to breathe, and – doesn’t miss the uncertainty on Eren’s face as
he twists around in Eren’s arms. Ends up kneeling in between Eren’s legs, and –
Eren drops his eyes, going a bit red, not quite able to look at him, which –
shit, Levi’s definitely not the only one who’s nervous.
“You want this, kid?”
Eren nods. Bites his fucking lip, and nods; and Levi puts a hand on his cheek,
as gentle as he can, and – breathes through the flutter in his stomach, and
then presses a kiss to Eren’s forehead. Doesn’t miss the way Eren shivers, all
over, even as he goes pretty much boneless beneath him.
“Levi…”
“So, how about I go home and shower after work, and then come meet you at the
shelter?”
God, he can’t breathe , this is a horrible idea, he is twice this kid’s age and
Eren’s going to get so much shit because of this – sucks in a breath, but
Eren’s nodding, and grabbing tight to his hand.
“Yes – yes, let’s – that’s –”
“You’re sure –”
“Yes, I’m sure, I am completely –”
His lips are still on Eren’s forehead, which makes it really easy to kiss him
again.
Gets a new wave of butterflies when Eren shudders, and tighten his grip around
his fingers, and – Levi pulls back, but only to – straightens up, a bit, still
on his knees, and wraps his arms around Eren. Ends up with his head in Levi’s
chest and his arms around Levi; and Levi, this time, gets to rest his chin on
top of Eren’s head. Blushes at how hard his heart is slamming against Eren’s
cheek, as Eren sighs, softly, and nuzzles closer, all the tension seeming to
seep out of him, and –
To hell with what anyone thinks.
Eren wants this, too, and that’s all that Levi needs to know.
***** Chapter 22 *****
Whatever nerves Eren may have been feeling, they seem about gone by noon.
In their place is a cocky, smirking little shit who seems determined to drive
Levi crazy, and – it’s working.
“You can always ask me to grab the stuff from the top shelves, you know.”
“Piss off.”
Eren’s leaning against the supply room doorframe, the door closed behind him,
arms across his chest, smirking, and – Levi turns away from him to – yeah,
alright, so he’s up on a step stool. So what. Even Eren wouldn’t be able to
reach the top shelves on his own, and – there are hands on his hips.
“Eren –”
“Hush. I’m enjoying the view.”
“You can enjoy without touching –”
“You like it when I touch you.”
Levi sucks in a breath, and – he’s got his arms stretched up, holding on to the
top shelf, and – Eren’s thumbs are sliding under the edges of his shirt, moving
in slow little circles, jesus christ.
“I won’t like it if I f-fall on my –”
Eren inches his shirt up just far enough to press his lips against his back.
The noise that Levi makes is definitely a concession of defeat.
Holy shit.
“So, tonight, if I were to kiss my way down your back, then –”
Levi’s probably going to pull the shelf down, if he holds on to it any tighter.
“– I’m guessing you’d be on board with that, hmm?”
He can feel Eren smiling against his skin. He’s definitely going to pull the
shelf down. Holds on tighter as Eren’s hand sneaks around his waist, and – dips
his fingers into the top of his jeans, fuck.
“We, uh. We never did do that whole kink negotiation thing, did we.”
There’s – maybe the slightest wave of uncertainty, there, even as Eren – jesus
fucking christ, that is his fucking tongue against Levi’s back, they are in the
supply room, and – Levi can feel his toes curling. Clings, desperately, to that
bit of uncertainty. Levi’s not the only one who’s losing it, here.
“I mean, I know you like having your hair tugged –”
“I don’t mind if – you can be a bit r-rough with me, s-sometimes, if – if-f you
– want.”
He’s shaking all over, suddenly. Can feel the way Eren’s gone very still behind
him.
Christ, he doesn’t tell people this, but – it’s Eren. Levi can do this. He’s
safe here.
“Can – can tell me what to do, a bit, too. Sometimes. Um. Stop m-means stop.
Slow down means slow down. I, um. Bruises are – f-fine, too. And I don’t mind
some nails and teeth, a bit, and...”
… And Eren’s not saying anything. Not a word.
Shit. 
Levi swallows through the sudden uncertainty, and – doesn’t seem capable of
moving, suddenly, but – Eren’s pressing his forehead against his back, through
his shirt, his hands tight on his hips.
“You – do you have any idea how ridiculously hot you are –”
Levi doesn’t mean to laugh. Shit. He’s grinning like a fucking idiot into his
own arm.
“You just – you say these things and –”
“Melt your brain?”
“Yes, yes, you – you’re just –”
“Can’t help it that I’m hotter than the sun.”
“You say that like you’re joking.”
He is joking, of course he’s – but Eren, somehow, doesn’t sound like he is.
Sounds horribly sincere as he lets Levi’s shirt fall, again, and then turns him
around; and Levi manages a smile through how hard is heart is slamming, and how
pink Eren’s cheeks have gone. Raises his eyebrows and holds out of his hands –
ends up closing his eyes as Eren helps him off the stool, until he’s back on
the floor with Eren’s arms around him, and his face shoved into Eren’s
shoulder.
God. They’re such fucking saps, the both of them.
“Jesus, can this shift just be over already.”
It sounds almost sulky. Levi hides his grin against Eren’s shoulder. Considers
sticking his hands up his shirt – but they’ve been in here long enough,
probably. Eren probably has phones to answer.
“Four more hours.”
“Son of a –”
“And then I’ll let you take me home and –”
“Okay, stop, because – I-I’m already –”
“Your fault for trying to seduce me in here.”
And – alright, so maybe he’s sliding a leg in between Eren’s.
And maybe he really fucking enjoys the way Eren sucks in a breath and grabs on
tight to him.
“Shit – Levi, dammit.”
Christ, so much for him being the responsible one here, but – to hell with it.
The door’s closed.
“Well, that’s a bit of a problem, isn’t –”
“Yeah-h, well, see how w-well you keep it together when the hottest guy you’ve
ever known gives you permission to tell him what to do –”
“You’re ridiculous.”
His chest is aching, though, and his cheeks are hot. God, this kid.
“I’m serious –”
“So, how about you, then? Got any terribly kinky thoughts hidden away in that
brain of yours?”
And – this is insane, probably. They’re at work. Eren’s definitely getting
hard, and holding on tight like it’s taking everything he has to not rub
against Levi’s leg. God, he really needs to step away – but Eren’s gone still
against him, again, though his grip around him hasn’t loosened at all.
“Um. I. I don’t… know? I guess? Like – I just –”
Shit, he feels like he’s about to shake apart. Levi, slowly, slides his hands
down his back.
“Are you –”
“No, no, I’m fine, it’s just – um, anyone I’ve ever – been with. Um. They’ve –
been about my age, mostly, so it’s not like – we never got up to anything
fancy, just –”
“A bunch of teenage fumbling?”
He’s not surprised at the light swat he gets on his arm. Has just started to
smirk when Eren’s hands slide down to grab his fucking ass, jesus christ; and
Levi’s lungs aren’t working, suddenly.
“How’s that for teenage fumbling?”
And – alright, so the stupid little shuddering noise that Levi makes should
probably be a bit embarrassing, but – it’s not, though. Doesn’t have to be.
Shivers when Eren grins against his ear.
“That’s what I thought. Four more hours and –”
“Alright, you – y-you need to get out of here before I jump you.”
“Oh, is someone feeling a bit like a teenager?”
“Dick.”
There’s no bite to it, though. Not from either of them. And when Eren steps
away, he’s grinning in that way that Levi feels right through him, all bright-
eyed and happy just so stupidly beautiful.
“Best of luck with the rest of your shift, then. Just try not to think of me
bending you over the bed and –”
“Out.”
Eren goes, but not without taking the time to slide out of his sweater and tie
it around his waist, and not without a smirk that makes him look far too
pleased with himself; and Levi takes a moment to rub his hands over his face,
before – right, shit. What was he even in here for?
God. He’ll be lucky if he makes it the rest of the day without tripping over a
mop, or something.
- - -
He makes it, but it isn’t pretty.
Mainly because, sometime around his last break – he gets nervous.
Which is stupid. So incredibly stupid.
But Eren ends up going home early – the phones are deader than normal, it
seems, so Hanji lets a few people leave; and Levi ends up getting soundly
kissed against the side of the building, before Eren squeezes his hand and
smiles at him, soft and sweet, and tells him that he’ll see him later – and
after he’s gone, Levi just… slowly gets more and more nervous. Ends up sitting
on the sink in the custodial closet, trying to take deep breaths, his knees a
little unsteady and his throat tight.
But – it’s stupid.
He’s had sex in basically every position ever, over the course of his life.
He’s seen Eren naked – not enough, but he has – and he’s been on his knees for
the kid. He has no reason to be nervous.
And yet. Here he is.
Hiding in the closet at work, because he’s nervous about going to bed with his
teenage boyfriend.
Fuck, that’s just – that’s all kinds of sad, really; and he desperately needs
to go clean something, but – he’s gonna just sit here. Just for a little bit
longer. Christ, what the hell is wrong with him.
- - -
He buys condoms on the way home from work.
Does his best to not blush his way through the check-out line.
He’s got plenty of lube, tucked away in his bag in the living room, but – if he
even has condoms, they’re probably damn near expired, at this point. Ends up
standing in Erwin’s living room and looking at the new condom box and wondering
when the fuck he regressed to being a teenager, because – this is stupid.
Shoves the condoms and lube into his satchel and takes a deep breath.
There. If they need them, they’ll have them.
Christ. 
What the actual fuck is wrong with him.
Grabs a towel and heads for the shower, his heart still slamming all over the
place.
He needs a shower. A long one. Needs to –
God, he needs to calm the fuck down, before he does or says something stupid.
- - -
He doesn’t say or do anything stupid.
Doesn’t buy a one-way ticket to Alaska, or fall on his face in the shower, or
anything.
Scrubs himself down, every inch of him, twice – heart slamming and his cheeks
flushed and his stupid dick not getting the memo that it needs to wait – and
then ends up standing in front of the mirror, towel wrapped around his waist,
and – okay, yeah, he looks about as nervous as he feels.
He’s also red and blotchy from the shower and this probably isn’t doing him any
favours.
Finds a pair of jeans without any holes in them, and his nicest pair of black
underwear, and a soft black sweater that’s always clung nicely to him. Brushes
and flosses and gargles with mouthwash until his eyes are red, and then – yeah,
alright, his eyebrows are fine, whatever, but he’s still going to find his
tweezers, anyway. Gets every hair the way he wants it – and then ends up
leaning against the bathroom wall, forehead against the cool tile and his hands
clenched at his sides.
For fuck’s sake.
Eren has seen him on no sleep with horrible breath and horrible hair and
cleaning up toilet water.
He thinks that Levi is the hottest guy he’s ever known . They have openly
admitted that they’re head-over-heads for each other. Eren loves him, for
crying out loud. So why is Levi freaking out now?
“You alright?”
Levi nearly goes down on his ass.
Jerks away from the wall, and – Mike’s standing in the hall, obviously on his
way to Erwin’s room, and – shit, Levi should have closed the door; because
Mike’s looking downright concerned, for once – actually truly concerned, with
not a hint of teasing in sight; which, shit, Levi must really look rattled, if
– fuck, of course he does, he had his head against the damn wall.
Great. And now he feels really stupid.
“Alright, you wanna tell me why you’re dressed to kill, but look a little like
you wanna die?”
“I do not –”
“Yeah, you do –”
“No, it’s fine, it’s –”
“Anything I can help with?”
Fuck. 
Levi’s cheeks are on fire. And Mike’s not moving, but – he smiles, a bit, in a
way that actually feels a little comforting, even if it’s still a bit weird;
and Levi sucks in a deep breath, because this is ridiculous, he’s being an
idiot, but – Mike’s still not leaving. Still just standing there, smiling, and
–
“I’m going to the – shelter. Tonight. I’m –”
And – actually, no, this was a horrible idea.
Shit, it’s a lot easier to be embarrassed in front of Erwin.
“First time going over there?”
Levi – he manages a nod, somehow; but he can’t quite look at him anymore.
“Well, that explains why you look like you’re going to pass out.”
And – yeah, that’s really fucking helpful, wow. Levi really wants punch him.
“I do not –”
“There’s nothing wrong with being nervous, ya know.”
“I’m – I’m not –”
“Levi. I’m serious.”
Mike’s hand is on his arm, and he – does sound pretty sincere. Levi gets his
eyes up again, and – Mike, for some reason, is the one who looks a bit
embarrassed now, which – doesn’t make sense.
“I’m – look, okay, if it helps at all, I’ve been with Erwin for six years, and
– and I still get nervous around him sometimes, alright?”
Oh, hell.
Oh, god, Levi’s heart is hurting, suddenly; and they are not so equipped for
this conversation, jesus fucking christ,but – Mike’s smile has gone almost
rueful, even through the embarrassment.
“I mean, I’m with him practically every day and that fucker can still give me
butterflies, so – so don’t beat yourself up for being a bit nervous, alright? I
think – we all get like that, sometimes –”
“You should tell him that.”
His voice cracks. Actually fucking cracks. Shit, he wants to be at their
wedding, some day.
“Oh, he’s well aware.”
Mike’s voice is desert dry, suddenly, and he looks both exasperated and fond,
and – yeah, Levi can imagine. Erwin would probably be pretty pleased with
himself, in that horribly fond way of his.
“My point, alright, is that –”
“Yeah, no, I got it. Don’t beat myself up for being chicken shit.”
“I mean it –”
“I – know you do. And, um –”
“Oh, god, save it. No need to make this sappier than it already –”
“Pretty sure that boat sailed the moment you mentioned butterflies.”
“Piss off.”
Mike’s grinning at him, though, even as he drops his hand and leans up against
the doorframe, crossing his arms over his chest, and – shit, though, Levi needs
to do this. Needs to say this out loud.
“No, but – thank you, seriously, um –”
“You’re happier than we’ve ever seen you, Levi. Anything we can do to help,
just let us know.”
God. 
What did he ever do to deserve these people.
Nods, as best he can, his throat going all tight; and can’t quite look at Mike
smiles at him and gives Levi’s arm a squeeze, before he turns and walks down
the hall – for a second, there, he’d looked like he was maybe thinking of
taking a leaf out of Erwin’s hair ruffling book; and, hell, Levi might have
even let him – and then it’s just Levi alone with the bathroom again; and Levi
takes a breath and closes his eyes, and – doesn’t put his head back on the
wall, but it’s a close thing.
Don’t be nervous.
Shit, if only it was that simple.
- - -
Levi makes it halfway to the bus stop – Eren’s texted him directions on how to
get there, along with some horribly cute combination of hearts and smiley
faces, followed by a sweet and sincere, I’m really happy about this :), to
which Levi had responded, Me too, kid, before putting his face in his hands
until he could breathe again – when he realizes that he’s forgotten his
headphones.
Wavers, for a second; and then grits his teeth and walks back to Erwin’s, his
heart pounding.
He’s already wired tight enough to break. If he doesn’t have his music for this
bus ride – if he can’t find something soothing to calm the fuck down with –
he’s gonna be absolutely screwed.
- - -
He spends the first part of the ride squished in next to some guy in some fancy
suit who reeks of cologne and won’t stop talking on his phone, loud and
obnoxious and damn near right in Levi’s ear.
It doesn’t help.
It doesn’t help at all; and Levi finally gets up and moves to stand, instead,
though his legs are shaky, and – why is he so freaked out. He’s a grown-ass
adult and he doesn’t need to be scared.
Somehow, though, even his favourite songs can’t get his fucking heart to stop
slamming.
- - -
By the time he’s standing in front of Eren’s building, his heart’s just about
ready to beat out of his chest.
Stands there in the dark – it’s starting to rain, too – for a long minute,
before he pushes open the door. Finds himself in some kind of lobby, with a
desk, and a door on the other side of the room.
“Can I help you?”
The man behind the desk – short brown hair, and maybe a bit older than Levi –
doesn’t look all that impressed to see him. Levi’s hardly surprised, given
that, yeah, there’s no way Levi’s passing for a day under thirty, and – he
should have texted Eren first. God, why didn’t he do that.
“Is Eren around?”
“Ah.”
It’s not much of an acknowledgement, really; but the guy’s frown doesn’t look
all that hostile. Looks – perplexed, maybe. And he’s studying Levi a bit more
closely than Levi would prefer.
“Yeah, um. He said something about needing to sign me in –”
“Book’s on the desk. I’ll go find him.”
And that’s it, apparently, as the guy buzzes in a code and goes through the
second door, leaving Levi alone in the room; and his hand’s not quite steady as
he signs his name into the book.
Why is he so fucking nervous.
Gets his name down in the book and then looks around. The room’s decently
decorated, and clean enough, with some plants, and a couple of chairs, and –
maybe Levi should sit down, because his knees are doing something stupid.
Hitches his satchel up a bit higher on his shoulder.
“Hey, handsome.”
Levi closes his eyes.
Opens them and turns around to find Eren leaning against the doorframe.
His jeans are ripped at the knee and he’s in a light blue t-shirt and his
hair’s a disaster, and he’s wearing a tiny little smile that looks almost shy,
his cheeks gone pink even from across the room, and –
Levi’s pretty sure he can actually feel himself fall harder.
Feels his heart jump when Eren’s lips curve up a little higher.
“Coming in?”
And – Levi can’t quite seem to say anything.
Nods, at least, and Eren – actually sticks out his hand, and everything; and
Levi crosses the room and takes it, Eren’s fingers tangling with his as he
smiles at Levi and tugs him through the door.
***** Chapter 23 *****
Chapter Notes
     Apologies for the ridiculously long delay in updating this, and hope
     that 7,500 words worth of a fluffy-as-fuck love scene can make up for
     it. :) Thank you to everyone who's been so incredibly sweet and
     encouraging and kind over the last couple of months. Ya'll are the
     absolute best, you really seriously are; and all the support is more
     appreciated than I could ever possibly say. ♥
Levi barely makes it through Eren’s bedroom door – a single bed in the corner,
a chest of drawers, a mirror, some posters and framed photos – before Eren has
him shoved up against the wall.
Clutches tight to his hand for the entire walk down the hallway, and then locks
the door behind them, and pushes Levi up against the wall and slides in between
his legs like he’s meant to be there.
Levi goes so hot it’s a wonder the wall doesn’t catch fire. Ends up damn near
yanking Eren’s hair out as Eren presses a leg against Levi’s crotch and bites
his way down his neck.
“Jesus fucking –”
Yanks his hands free – just because he likes having it pulled, doesn’t mean
that Eren – only to have Eren snatch them back and stick them back into his
hair, which – fuck, Levi’s going to pass out. Swallows, and tightens his grip;
feels Eren groan against his neck, nodding, once, before he sticks his hands up
under Levi’s shirt, tugging it all the way up his chest. Hits his knees and
ends up with his mouth on Levi’s stomach and his hands on Levi’s hips, keeping
him still, before – hears Eren curse, and then he’s sliding back up, and
getting his mouth back on Levi’s neck again.
Jesus, Levi’s going to be wearing scarves for a week.
And he only realizes he’s groaned when Eren echoes it, and cups him through his
jeans. Levi doesn’t even try to stop himself from arching into it.
Just holds on and lets Eren fucking grope him until Eren’s popping open the
button on his jeans and pulling down the zipper. Yanks them down to Levi’s
knees; and Levi can’t help the way he flushes. Ends up holding on tighter when
Eren’s thigh presses against his crotch, again, and his mouth ends up back on
Levi’s neck. Trails down to his collarbone, the hint of teeth making Levi jerk.
“Eren –”
“If – if anything’s too much –”
“Perfect, it’s – you’re – christ, would you just –”
“Not yet.”
“Eren –”
“Patience.”
“Are you kiddingme?”
He can’t help the way his voice cracks. Can actually feel Eren smirk against
his neck.
“Well, I mean, we have already waited this long, so –”
“Eren, I swear, if you don’t get me naked in the next five goddamn minutes –”
He loses his voice, though, when Eren unceremoniously grabs his ass through his
underwear.
Loses his voice and goes shaky everywhere, Eren’s fingers digging in so hard it
almost hurts.
Jesus christ.
“You were saying?”
Levi can feel Eren still fucking grinning against his neck; and, alright, that
probably shouldn’t be as attractive as it is. Shouldn’t be making him harder.
Shouldn’t – jumps when Eren bites him, again, before he pulls back to look at
him, all flushed and grinning and so fucking gorgeous, and –
Just like that, the butterflies are back, and he’s nervous all over again.
Christ. 
His stomach’s flipping all over the place and his cheeks feel way too hot.
What the hell is wrong with him?
“What is it?”
Shit. And his face must be doing something stupid, too. There’s nowhere to run,
though, with Eren pressed in so close and looking right at him. Levi opens his
mouth, and then shuts it again.
“Levi?”
Eren’s still got his hand down the back of his pants, but his other thumb is
rubbing circles against his cheekbone. Soft and tender and way too sweet and
Eren’s still looking right at him,which –
“Just. Um. Nervous.”
And –christ, motherfucking son of a – why does he even bother talking –
Only realizes he’s kinda staring at somewhere down around Eren’s shoulders when
Eren puts a finger under his chin. Doesn’t nudge him up. Just stays still and
waits for Levi to raise his eyes, again – finds Eren looking very young,
suddenly. Uncertain, and young; and Levi watches as Eren swallows, and takes a
breath, but doesn’t look away. Levi’s never felt this pinned in place before.
“You don’t have to be –”
“I can’t help –”
“No, no, I mean – you don’t have to feel bad about it, I mean. About being
nervous. I – I just mean, feel whatever ya need to feel, alright? It’s –”
“Eren –”
“Just... don’t feel bad about any of it, okay? You never need to feel bad about
–”
Levi knows that he’s kissing Eren with a special sort of desperation, but he
doesn’t care. Shuts him up with his mouth while Eren latches on to him and
Levi’s heart just fucking aches.
All these years, and he’s been alone, or with people who made him feel like
shit – and now he’s got Eren squirming against him like he can’t get close
enough; and Levi only breaks the kiss when his lungs kind of start to hurt.
Ends up with his forehead pressed against Eren’s and Eren’s fingers combing
through his hair, as Levi keeps his eyes shut and breathes against Eren’s
mouth.
“You – you are so fucking embarrassing.”
It doesn’t have any bite to it, though. Sounds really fucking stupid, actually;
like his voice has been put through a shredder. Can feel it when Eren grins,
his fingers still so gentle in Levi’s hair.
“Emotional crisis out of the way, then?”
“I hate you.”
“Yeah, no, pretty sure every time you say that, what you actually mean is –”
“And I’m pretty sure that you’re a little –”
Eren very deliberately rubs against him, his leg pressed against Levi through
two layers of fabric; and Levi’s mouth snaps shut so suddenly it almost hurts.
Can actually feel the heat rise up his face. Only realizes he’s probably making
a stupid noise when Eren kisses him, so fucking gentle.
“I’m – I’m nervous too, you ass. So just –”
He pauses. Levi’s heart seems to have gotten stuck somewhere up in his throat.
“I... I still don’t think you understand just how much I – I’m utterly stupid
about you, okay?”
It’s low, and shaky; and, oh, god, Levi’s going to either start crying or pass
out.
Feels it when Eren swallows; and Levi somehow gets his ridiculous shaking hands
working enough to cup Eren’s face. Rubs his thumbs along his cheekbones as Eren
pulls back to stare at him, looking – incredibly young, again, and a bit unsure
of himself, like he maybe hadn't quite meant to say all of that, and – he
doesn’t look away, though. He’s probably always been a brave little shit.
“Aren’t you the one who was just saying to not feel bad about what you’re
feeling?”
His voice is all fucked, and it’s got to be one of the sappiest things he’s
ever said; but it’s worth it for the way Eren just stares at him, wide-eyed,
for another long moment, before he sucks in a breath and looks down, suddenly
blinking hard against – Levi’s thumb is already there to wipe away the
dampness, and Eren can’t quite seem to look at him. Stares down at the floor,
his eyes wet and his cheeks pink; and then pretty just melts as Levi leans in
to kiss him, as softly as he can – and dear sweet god he is never letting Eren
go. Wants to spend the rest of his life like this.
“I love you, you little shit.”
It’s still not easy to say, and the stupid wave of vulnerability damn near
takes his knees out from under him; but the noise that Eren makes sounds
pained, and he’s definitely shaking a bit, and – alright, maybe they’re done
being emotional saps at each other, though, because Eren’s shifting, again.
Pressing his thigh harder against Levi’s crotch, feeling like he’s trying to
get as close as he can.
“I love you, t-too.”
And – okay, shit, so, this is still happening, then.
“I really do, Levi, I –”
Levi can’t keep his eyes open, anymore – not with the way Eren’s looking at him
– but Eren’s hands are back on his cheeks, cupping his face way too gently –
and Levi manages a shaky little nod, at least. Nods and then holds on tight as
Eren kisses him, again – soft and sweet – until he finally stops and swallows,
though he doesn’t go far, breathing hot and shaky against Levi’s mouth.
“Can – can I –”
“Whatever you want.”
He sounds like an absolute idiot, but it must be okay; because Eren’s smiling,
suddenly – smiling right against his lips; and Levi has to breathe through the
way it makes his chest ache – and then kissing him again. Kissing him so sweet
it’s almost too much – and then sliding to his knees. Bites Levi’s neck on the
way down and then hits his knees and stares up at him; and there’s no hint of
tears, now. He’s just bright-eyed and beautiful and flushed straight down his
neck, and he – he loves Levi, and he’s all Levi’s, and – and he’s undoing
Levi’s bootlaces, now, apparently, which – Levi suddenly feels incredibly
goddamn lightheaded, good goddamn. Bites his lip as Eren just fucking stays
down there – gets him out of his jeans, and tosses away his boots and socks,
and then slides his hands up Levi’s thighs – until Levi’s in nothing but his
briefs and his shirt.
“Okay?”
It probably shouldn’t make his eyes get even itchier.
It does, though. Makes it even harder to breathe as Eren just kneels there and
smiles up at him.
Nods, somehow, and then twists his fingers into Eren’s hair as Eren smiles at
him and kisses his stomach.
Kisses him, just looking so happy about it; and Levi’s heart is fucking aching,
even through the heat that’s sweeping up his body. Aching all sharp and painful
as Eren tugs his shirt up a bit and kisses up his stomach – his eyes closed and
this sweet little smile on his face and dear sweet god what did Levi ever do to
deserve this – and then Eren climbs back to his feet, still smiling as he wraps
his arms tight around Levi, pulling him in closer as he slides his arms
underneath Levi’s, obviously intending – and, alright, Levi should probably
stop him. Should really probably stop him.
But Eren’s waiting for his go-ahead, here; and Levi really doesn’t want to stop
him. Ends up, instead, wrapping his legs around Eren’s waist and his arms
around his neck. Shoves his face into his neck as Eren just fucking picks him
up. Holds him there like he weighs nothing, which – yeah, Levi’s definitely
never let anyone pick him up before.
“Been working out, kid?”
He sounds just about as overwhelmed as he feels. Can feel Eren trying to hold
him a bit tighter.
Closes his eyes when Eren swallows and takes a step back – and promptly
staggers, a bit.
Levi, to his credit, doesn’t let go.
Just holds on tighter, his heart jumping, as Eren gets them across the room.
Manages to get him on the bed with ridiculousness gentleness; and Levi knows
that he’s glaring. Can’t believe how hard his heart is beating. Watches as Eren
smiles at him, from where he’s standing beside the bed.
“Shut up.”
“I didn’t say –”
“You didn’t need to.”
“Levi –”
“Now get on here and –”
“You’re perfect just like this, you know.”
It’s painfully sincere, and Levi only realizes he’s staring down the bed –
can’t even look at Eren, it seems – when he hears clothing start to come off,
and has to turn back to watch. Watches as Eren strips off his t-shirt and
climbs out of his jeans, leaving everything on the floor. Hesitates, for a
second, before he pulls off his briefs, too, which – Levi’s pretty much just
unashamedly staring at his dick, now. Fuck. Swallows and closes his eyes when
Eren climbs across his thighs.
“I mean it, Levi. You’re perfect.”
Christ. He still wants to talk about –
“There’s nothing wrong with being short, okay?”
There it is. Levi can practically feel his teeth grind. He also – his eyes are
still shut, it seems.
“Can you not –”
“I’m serious. I love it. Means that all my shirts will be big baggy boyfriend
shirts on you.”
“Eren –”
His voice curls up and dies when Eren starts inching Levi’s shirt up his
stomach.
Right. He’s mostly naked from the waist down. And Eren’s perched on top of him
like some kind of god. Realizes that he’s squirming a bit when Eren tries to
tug his shirt up and over his head. It’s not easy – Levi gets his head off the
pillow, somehow, and stretches his arms up – but it works; and when the shirt’s
over his head and he can see again, it’s to find Eren just unrepentantly
staring at him, which – Levi can actually feel himself flush straight down his
chest.
“Stop that.”
He sounds horribly breathy, though. Can’t help but twist up into it when Eren
puts a hand on his stomach. Manages to keep his eyes open until Eren raises up
enough to start sliding Levi’s briefs down his legs. Knows that Eren’s still
staring at him as he settles back on top of Levi’s thighs, pausing, just for a
moment, before he slides his hands up Levi’s stomach, slow and oh-so-gentle.
Levi can’t quite stop the way it makes his heart jump all over the place.
Jesus, nobody’s ever treated him like this.
“I mean it. You’re gorgeous.”
“And you’re biased.”
“Damn right. And the luckiest fucker on the planet, too.”
God. 
Eren doesn’t sound quite so cocky anymore, either. Sounds pretty fucking
overwhelmed.
Levi squeezes his eyes shut tighter as Eren braces his arms on either side of
him and leans down. Just fucking lies down full-length against him, and presses
him down into the bed.
Skin-against-skin, all the way down their bodies. Pressed together, top-to-
bottom, Eren’s heart racing against his own, slamming against his aching chest,
and Eren’s legs tangled with his – and Levi doesn’t even try to stop his arms
from wrapping around Eren. His breath’s completely gone.
“Jesus christ.”
Levi can’t even respond. And Eren’s panting where he’s shoved his face into
Levi’s neck.
Panting and trying to get closer, and – months of waiting – of getting off
alone, and sleeping alone, and desperately clinging to each other in that
shower – and they finally, finally get to do this.
Levi’s pretty sure he’s never felt this good in his entire life. Holds on tight
to Eren and desperately tries to breathe, and – it feels, somehow, like
something that’s long been broken inside him is finally getting fixed. Feels
like the best thing Levi’s ever felt, and it’s enough to leaving him feeling
like he’s been punched in the ribs; and he only sucks in a breath again when
Eren starts squirming against him.
He can’t say anything, though; because every movement is rubbing his dick
against Levi’s stomach. Knows that Eren’s in the same position. Can feel the
dampness being spread across his stomach.
God. 
Slides his hands – they don’t quite work properly, for a second, with how badly
he seems to be shaking – down Eren’s back to latch on to his hips, instead.
Jerks when Eren swallows and – gently, this time, god – bites his neck, and –
pulls back to look at him. Levi’s heart hammers as he stares back up. Stares
back up and feels his breath catch when Eren twists against him, again, a bit
more deliberately, and – this close, Levi can actually watch the heat creep up
Eren’s face.
Watches as he bites his lip and goes pink everywhere and stares down at him,
breathing hard.
“I – I kind of never want to move again, but –”
“After. Can – cuddle me after.”
It’s – a bit nonsensical, probably. Barely even a sentence. But it makes Eren
suck in a breath, so he must be doing okay. Especially given that Eren’s hand
seems to be slipping in between them.
“Someone feeling a bit like a teenager, then?”
He doesn’t sound anything close to cocky anymore, though; and Levi should say
something. Can’t quite manage it, though, with Eren’s hips lifted enough for
him to wrap a hand around Levi’s dick. Ends up shaking as Eren’s thumb spreads
around some of the dampness at the top; and Levi’s cheeks are so hot they’re
possibly going to maybe catch fire, but – it’s okay, because Eren’s breathing,
hard, and maybe kinda looking at him like this is the single best thing that’s
ever happened to him. Stares at him, looking like he’s about ready to chew
through his own lip; and slowly slides his hand down the length of him,
exhaling sharply when Levi tries to arch up.
“Jesus, Levi.”
It’s a bit embarrassing, maybe; but it doesn’t matter, really, because Eren’s
moving again.
Unpeeling himself from Levi – god, they’re going to spend so much time like
that later on – and Levi closes his eyes when Eren’s hand slides down to trail
his fingers along his balls, warm and careful. Only realizes how badly he’s
twisting into it when Eren takes his hand away again – no – and he hears the
click of a bottle opening, loud in the silent room, and – he can’t spread his
legs, though, with Eren sitting on his thighs. Opens his eyes to – Eren’s
warming up the lube between his fingers, still not giving Levi room to spread –
wraps a hand back around his dick, instead, slick and fucking perfect; and
Levi’s eyes slam shut.
Fuck.
Fuck. 
“Good?”
Eren sounds about as wrecked as Levi feels, and Levi barely manages a nod.
Keeps his eyes shut and just lies there and lets Eren stroke him, achingly
slow, Levi’s breath coming faster and faster, and – only realizes how badly
he’s starting to squirm when Eren leans down to kiss his neck, again, his
breathing shaky and hot. Drags his thumb in a slow, damp slide, just below the
head of his cock; and Eren’s definitely been paying attention, because Levi’s
maybe whimpering a bit, now. Holds on tighter as Eren does it again, groaning
into Levi’s neck.
“You – you are so hot it’s unreal.”
“Says you.”
It’s a miracle he gets it out at all, with how desperately everything is
pulling tight. How quickly the heat is spiralling up through every inch of him.
Feels Eren groan, and only keeps his hips on the bed because Eren’s lying on
top of him. Twitches when Eren tightens his grip, only a little, but – christ.
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
He still sounds like a shaky idiot, and the noise that Eren makes sounds a bit
choked up, again, which – really does nothing to help Levi breathe. Realizes
that his fingers are probably digging a bit too hard into Eren’s hips, and
tries to unclench his grip, but – it doesn’t quite work, though.
Especially when Eren gets his mouth back up to Levi’s and wraps his hand around
both of them, which – Levi’s groaning in seconds, even as Eren hisses, and –
it’s pretty much immediately one of most intimate things he’s ever done, with
Eren panting right against his mouth. Breathing right against him and holding
himself up just enough to – slides his hand down both of them, again; and Levi
only realizes how much noise he’s making when Eren whimpers. Gasps for air and
bites his lip and tightens his grip and fucking whines, and – Levi’s actually
going to pass out.
“Eren –”
The response he gets is Eren groaning and pulling away from him, which – no,
that was not what he – nearly leaves the bed when Eren sucks in a breath and
slides his fingers down, just below his balls, pressing down gently, and –
Levi’s heartbeat jumps so sharply it actually fucking hurts.
“Did – did you still wanna –”
Levi can’t speak, though.
Can’t even fucking breathe.
“Cause, um – like this is good, too, if you just wanna – I’m fine if –”
Realizes that Eren’s fallen quiet, a hand on his stomach, and Levi opens his
eyes; and he’s not quite sure when he spread his legs this wide, but the sight
of Eren kneeling between them is hotter than hell, and – watches as Eren bites
his lip, his hair a fucking mess, and his cheeks gone bright pink, and –
christ, it’s been forever, since the last time Levi – but he wants this , god,
he –
“Cause... cause if –”
“No, I – I want this.”
And – it’s true. Not exactly easy to say, but painfully true, and – worth it
for the way Eren stares at him. Stares at him like can’t quite believe what
he’s hearing; and then he’s sucking in a breath and fumbling for the bottle of
lube again. Grabs hold of it and then drops it on the bed right beside him, and
then – slides his hands down and underneath Levi’s knees, which – Levi’s cheeks
are possibly going to catch fire.
Ends up holding his legs in place as Eren nudges them back, until Levi – it
takes him a second to breathe through it. It’s been a long time since he’s been
in this positon. Watches as Eren watches him – watching his face, for crying
out loud; even with Levi basically bent in half – and Levi only realizes how
badly he’s biting his lip when Eren leans forward to tug it free. Slides a
finger across his lips and then kisses him, tucked in close between his legs,
and – yeah, alright, Levi’s definitely never been treated like this in his
life; and it’s maybe kind of just a little bit terrifying.
“Tell me if I hurt you.”
The words are soft and sweet against his mouth, and Levi squeezes his eyes
shut.
He can’t fucking deal with this.
“Levi –”
“Do you even know what you’re doing?”
Because – he’s never actually asked. All their flirting, and he’s never
actually – and Eren’s never said for sure, either, and – feels Eren pause,
before he exhales into Levi’s mouth, soft and shaky.
“I – yeah, I... I’ve done this, before, but – if I do anything wrong, just –
please tell me, okay?”
It gets pretty quiet towards the end, and Levi’s suddenly having an even harder
time breathing, his lungs all fucked up in his chest. Needs to make the words
happen, though – because this is important. Because Eren is seventeen, and
still new to all of this; and Levi needs to take care of him, too.
“Eren –”
“Cause – if I fuck up, or – or something could be – better, or –”
“Eren –”
“Or, um – did you want to, um – do me, instead? If that – if that’s easier, or
–”
He stops, suddenly – but that’s probably because Levi’s made some horribly
breathy little noise.
Shoves his suddenly burning face into the side of Eren’s neck, his heart
jumping so hard it hurts.
Christ. 
Feels Eren swallow, and – shit, Levi had been trying to not think about that,
yet. Because Eren is seventeen, and he’d never offered, and Levi hadn’t been
thinking about it – and now he is, and his heart won’t stop slamming; and if
something doesn’t happen soon, he’s possibly going to die.
“I – jesus, Levi.”
Eren sounds almost stunned. Levi tries to shove his face a bit harder against
his neck.
“Shut up, just –”
“Why didn’t you just say something? Christ, I’m – I’d be so okay with –”
Levi’s going to tear his own hair out. Or possibly Eren’s. Or maybe he’s just
going to pass out.
“Next time, okay, next time, whenever, whenever you want, alright, for now just
–”
“You’ll tell me if – if I fuck up?”
“Yes, yes, I’ll tell you, I’ll – now would you please just –”
“Ka.”
But - that’s it, apparently. Because Eren’s still not moving. Just breathing
against him.
Levi would give him shit for it, but he’s pretty sure Eren might be trying to
pull it together.
Grits his teeth and just lets Eren hold on to him until Eren finally sucks in a
breath against his mouth. Pulls back enough to look at him – Levi knows,
because he finally manages to get his eyes open – and whatever Eren’s looking
for, he must see it; because he kisses Levi one last time and then slides down
his body, fumbling for the bottle. Ends up with his fingers slick and warm
between Levi’s legs, resting there, until one barely dips inside; and Levi has
to close his eyes again. Keeps them closed as Eren slowly slides one inside
him. Pauses, then, and pulls back to rub against the entrance to his body; and
then slides back in again, slow and aching, until Levi’s fingers are twisted in
the sheets. Can’t do much more as Eren slowly, carefully, fucks him with it,
and – Levi feels way too hot everywhere. Twitches and bites his lip when a
second slides in, more of a stretch; but Eren’s pausing, now. Giving him a
second, and – maybe Levi should have had his eyes open, though, because the
warmth of Eren’s mouth nearly takes his hips off the bed.
Son of a –
Eren’s hand on his hip isn’t quite enough to keep him in place, so he makes
himself stay still.
Twists his fingers into the sheet as Eren’s fingers keep moving, and his tongue
slides down and then up his dick, until Eren wraps his lips back around the
head, which – pushes his fingers in a bit deeper, too, but Levi can’t care that
it twinges. Not with Eren’s mouth on him, his eyes closed and his cheeks pink
and his lips wet, and – Levi’s not sure when he opened his eyes, but it’s way
too much; and he ends up with his head on the pillow and his eyes shut, as
Eren’s fingers slide out and then back in again, this time with a third, and –
he must feel the way Levi jumps, though, because he stops. Instantly,
everything stops – Eren’s fingers and mouth and tongue; and Levi can hear his
own desperate panting – and then Eren sucks in a deep breath and leaves his
fingers where they are, and – and focuses just on Levi’s dick, instead. Wraps a
hand around him and sucks him in and doesn’t do anything more than that; and
the gratitude’s getting all tangled up with everything else, now, making it
harder and harder and harder to breathe, and Levi needs to – Eren has three
fingers inside him and he isn’t holding Levi’s hips down and Levi needs to not
move –
Feels it when Eren’s hand goes back to hip, and Levi doesn’t have to hold on so
tightly, now, he can – only realizes that Eren fingers have started moving
again when they curl, and Levi jumps so badly he nearly knocks Eren off the
bed. Can’t get any air as Eren does it again, sliding out and then back in and
then curling up, making a noise that sounds pleased; and Levi’s heart suddenly
hurts, because – Eren’s enjoying this, he’s enjoying taking Levi apart, and
nobody’s ever – slams his fingers into Eren’s hair as Eren presses his fingers
in deeper and then kisses up his stomach. Ends up with his mouth on Levi’s skin
and his fingers deep inside him – feels them spread, a bit, even as Eren licks
a path right back down Levi’s stomach; and Levi can’t even care, anymore, that
his eyes are damp. Can’t care that his chest’s aching and he can’t keep his
damn hips on the bed, because Eren is doing that thing where he treats him like
fucking gold; and he only realizes he’s begging when Eren curls his fingers and
rubs, gently, and then a bit harder – and then Eren’s mouth is gone, and Levi
takes a moment to get his eyes open, to find Eren watching him. Staring up at
him from between his legs – breathing hard, his lips swollen – and Levi has to
close his eyes again. Feels Eren’s fingers slide all the way free, before
pushing back in; and Levi’s barely shoved down before they’re gone again, and
Eren’s sliding up his body.
Hovers there, for a second, like he's trying to catch his breath; and then he's
kissing him, again, with Levi shaking hands on his cheeks, and - there’s really
no finesse to this, anymore. Eren’s basically just panting against his mouth.
Panting and making little breathy sounds that are going straight to Levi's
dick; and Levi’s going to die if they wait any longer, but – he’s breathing too
hard to talk. Drags his fingers down Eren’s back and tries to press up against
him – feels it when Eren shivers and pulls back. Wipes his fingers on the
sheets and then damn near falls off the bed scrambling for his bedside drawer.
Comes back with a condom; and he’s barely started trying to get it open before
Levi notices how hard his hands are shaking. Pushes himself up on his elbows,
and then sits up completely – breathes through the low ache between his legs,
the way his toes damn curl with every movement against the bed – and puts his
hands over Eren’s. Doesn’t miss the way Eren stares at him, so flushed it’s a
wonder he’s still breathing; and then Levi gets it open and takes Eren’s dick
in his hand. Rolls the condom down and watches Eren’s eyes squeeze shut, as
Levi gets lube on his hand and gives Eren a long stroke, as slow and gentle as
he can. Moves in a bit closer, until they’re breathing the same air again; and
Levi’s heart is slamming even worse, with what he’s doing suddenly hitting him
– trails his fingers down, further, down between Eren’s legs, to press down
against his perineum. Brushes his fingers against his balls and then finds the
space beyond them, fingers pressing as gently as he can; and Eren jumps and
then squirms against him, whining into his shoulder. Holds on to him as Levi
cups his balls, gently, and then drags his fingers back up his dick, again,
turning to kiss Eren’s hair as Eren just kneels there, shaking, holding on to
him, and –
Next time, Levi’s going to do this.
Make him feel as good as he’s making Levi feel.
Lay him out in this bed and drive him crazy until Eren doesn’t know which way
is up.
For now, though – Levi tugs Eren down with him. Ends up with his legs around
Eren, and Eren’s dick pressed against him, as Eren sucks in a breath and just
fucking stares down at him; and Levi can feel the heat creeping up his face,
but he keep his eyes open. Keeps them open as he nods and Eren pushes forward,
slowly, just barely, but – it’s enough; and he only realizes how hard he’s
breathing when Eren kisses him. Kisses him right through it as Levi winces and
tightens his legs.
“Okay?”
Levi can’t speak. Can’t unlatch his fingers from Eren’s back.
Tugs on Eren, and tries to pull him closer. Ends up with Eren pressed pretty
much full-length against him as Eren just – does nothing, for a little bit.
Just presses closer to him and stays still – Levi can feel how badly he’s
trying to hold back – with his arms braced on either side of Levi, and his lips
shaky against his throat; and then he’s sucking in a breath and kissing Levi,
again, so fucking gentle about it, barely a brush of his lips, slow and careful
and so fucking sweet even with the way he’s panting – and Levi, maybe, has to
blink against the burn in his eyes. Squeezes them shut, and realizes that he
has his fingers buried in Eren’s hair – keeps them there as Eren swallows and
rocks his hips back, a bit, and then forward – barely moving – stays as close
as he can and nudges in until Levi – he’d forgotten, almost, what this felt
like. Can’t do anything but hold on until Eren’s pressed in achingly deep, with
Eren breathing hard against his mouth.
“Alright?”
It sounds a bit desperate, all low and shaky and fucked up; and Eren’s not
quite staying still. Trying to, desperately – Levi can feel it – but not quite
managing it, every little movement enough to make Levi twitch; and Levi sucks
in as much air as he can and gets a hand up on Eren’s cheek as Eren pulls back,
a bit, his stupid heart fluttering when Eren swallows and leans into it – keeps
his eyes open, though, as he looks at Levi, teeth trapped under his lip; and
Levi can’t move, but he tightens his legs, anyway. Braces himself and tries to
squirm a bit closer. Watches as even that makes Eren’s eyes flutter – and the
ache is worth it, when Levi takes a breath and squeezes as tight as he can
around Eren. Worth it for the noise Eren makes as his jaw drops.
“Levi –”
“Any time would be nice, kid.”
He’s an idiot. An absolute idiot. And his voice sounds like it’s been put
through a shredder.
But Eren’s snorting out a laugh – it sounds more like a groan, through how hard
he’s breathing, and Levi can’t stop the way he twitches, even that tiny little
sound vibrating straight through him – eyes still closed as he presses his
cheek harder into Levi’s hand; and Levi barely has time to swallow through the
wave of stupid horrible butterflies before Eren opens his eyes, again. Flushed
and grinning and still looking a bit desperate as he breathes hard and grins
down at him.
“You’re – a dick, you jackass.”
“Yet h-here you are.”
He’s still being an idiot. Knows he is. But he’s smiling now, too, even through
the way his teeth want to grind; because his body is taking its goddamn sweet
fucking time getting used to this – feels it absolutely everywhere, though,
when Eren’s eyes soften, and a hand comes up to rest over Levi’s, with Eren’s
expression gone so sweet that Levi can barely stand to keep looking at him.
“Yeah. Here I am.”
It’s soft, and terribly fond, and Eren’s still smiling so fucking sweet at him;
and Levi swallows.
Christ. 
Doesn’t look away, though – can’t quite stop the sound he makes when Eren
kisses his palm, jesus fucking christ – only finally closes his eyes, his heart
jumping all over, when Eren takes a breath and pulls Levi’s legs tighter around
him, and then braces his hands on either side of Levi.
“Ka. Hold on.”
Levi gets his mouth open – cocky little – and then promptly whines through his
teeth when Eren pulls almost all the way out. Slowly presses back in; and
Levi’s head ends up thrown back against the pillow, and – god, it’s been so
long since the last time he – jesus , he’s going to – he needs – can’t quite
breathe as Eren presses closer and does it again; and Levi holds on tighter as
Eren sinks in deep again, that slow aching stretch that burns up through him –
and then he pulls back, and adjusts his hips, and tries a couple of thrusts –
Levi’s probably going to leave marks on Eren’s arms – until he drags right
across Levi’s prostate; and Levi hears the wretched little groan that scrapes
out of his throat, even as Eren sucks in a breath and carefully, slowly, does
it again.
“Jesus,there, right –”
And – maybe Eren’s actually trying to drive him crazy, because he exhales,
hard, and finally seems to let go, a bit.
Groans and breathes out Levi’s name before he bends down closer, hands still
braced on either side of him, pulling back and pausing, for a moment, before he
pushes back in, hard and deep and enough to pull a groan out of Levi – does it
again, and again, and again, right where Levi needs him; slower and then faster
until everything starts to get too hot and shaky, and Levi’s trying to squirm
into it, but he’s got no air in his lungs and Eren’s got an angle sent straight
from fucking heaven; and Levi ends up with face turned into the pillow, teeth
in his lip, the air being gradually fucked out of him as Eren’s cock presses
deeper inside, an ache and a stretch that’s getting so mixed up with good that
it’s impossible to breathe – only realizes how hard he’s biting his lip when
Eren leans down to flick a tongue against his mouth, so goddamn tender about
it, so that Levi’s teeth have to slide free, and – it’s that, more than
anything, that spirals him up higher. Makes him squeeze his eyes shut tighter
and tighten his legs around Eren, and – only realizes how close he is when Eren
gets a hand between them, slick and warm and wrapped around Levi.
“Christ, motherfucking –”
Another shove across his prostate has him shouting; and Eren’s groan shakes
right through him.
“Jesus, Levi.”
He feels fucking frantic, suddenly.
Feels desperate and too hot everywhere and he can’t fucking move if Eren
doesn’t want him to.
“Come on, come on,Eren, just –”
Eren, mercifully, listens to him.
Pulls back and basically bends him in half and does exactly what Levi’s asked
him to do – and Levi’s going to rip the bed sheets, but he doesn’t even –
twitches when Eren lets go of his dick, only to flick a thumb, achingly soft,
across his nipple, and then drags his palm down his stomach, and – curls a hand
around him again while Levi’s arching into it; and then Eren’s hands are both
on his legs, and Levi only realizes he’s curled his fingers around his own dick
when Eren freezes, which – no, that’s not what he – opens his eyes to find Eren
watching him, looking a bit dumbstruck – and, okay, that’s something they may
need to explore later, but right now he needs –
“Eren –”
Eren kisses him.
Just bends down and whimpers and kisses him while Levi groans into it and jerks
himself off between them, and Eren pants harder and harder as his thrusts start
to stutter; and Levi’s almost there, too. Only realizes just how close when –
in the midst of it all – Eren smiles – all weak and shaky – against his mouth
and tugs so fucking gently on his lip, in a way that goes straight to both
Levi’s dick and his heart; and he’s barely started to breathe through the
sudden itch in his eyes before Eren’s dick scrapes over his prostate, one last
time, and – everything coils too tight and then snaps. Hears himself go silent
as every muscle in his body pulls tight; and then his dick is pulsing in his
hand and he’s making noise that Eren’s swallowing right into his mouth, still
fucking into Levi as Levi whimpers and holds on and shakes through it, and –
only realizes how damp his eyes are when Eren kisses his cheeks; and then
Levi’s shaking for a whole new reason.
"Okay?”
Eren’s not moving, anymore. Sounds absolutely fucking overwhelmed.
Shaking and kissing his damp cheeks and Levi can’t speak. Can barely breathe,
for how hard he’s panting.
Nods, somehow, barely; and then tightens his legs and grabs on to Eren when he
tries to pull out.
“Levi…”
Holds on tighter and tries to keep Eren pulled in against his body.
“Levi, I – I-I need to –”
He wants this. Wants Eren to stay. Feels Eren hesitate. Opens his eyes to find
Eren looking pretty much fucking desperate, shaking as he hovers over Levi and
so very obviously tries to not move.
Watches as Eren watches him – and he must see what he needs, because he groans
and closes his eyes and drops down, again. Presses their foreheads together as
Levi runs his hands down his back and tries to not squirm too badly, even as
Eren starts moving, again – manages slow for just a few moments before he seems
to give up; and Levi closes his eyes, and breathes through it, and tangles a
hand up in Eren’s hair. Uses the other to drag his nails across Eren’s back,
keeping it gentle. Barely has time to start getting uncomfortable before Eren
shudders and shoves in deep – ends up groaning into Levi’s shoulder as Levi
keeps dragging his fingers along every inch he can reach.
He’s pretty sure he never wants to move again.
Hell, he’s not even sure his legs would hold him if he tried.
Keeps his eyes shut, and isn’t sure how long they stay like that before Eren
swallows, hard, and pushes himself up a bit more. Waits for Levi to unlock his
legs, and then reaches down between them – Levi knows that he winces, as Eren
slowly, carefully pulls out; but he’s too fucking blissed out to really care –
and then there’s the sound of Eren moving around, before he ends up pressed
back against Levi. Lies down beside him and slides an arm over his stomach and
a leg over his leg and shoves his face against his shoulder and tries to squirm
in as close as he can get.
Levi never wants either to them to move again.
Only realizes he’s sliding his fingers through Eren’s hair when Eren tightens
his grip, and moves so that his cheek is resting right against Levi’s shoulder.
Levi still hasn’t managed to open his eyes.
“Wow.”
It’s damn near slurred, against Levi's shoulder; and Levi has to breathe
through the crushing wave of fondness.
Takes a deep breath and holds onto Eren tighter and barely even manages a noise
in response.
Yeah, no, he’s definitely not moving yet.
Lies there for a moment longer, the room silent save for their breathing – and
then Eren giggles.
Actually fucking giggles.
Giggles right into Levi’s shoulder, grinning so wide Levi can feel it – and
Levi’s heart feels too big for his chest. Pulls Eren in closer – rolls so that
they’re on their sides, pressed together – and feels himself smile into Eren’s
neck, too, as Eren grins and squirms closer and holds on tight, and –
Just a little bit longer.
They can stay here for just a little bit longer.
- - -
Just a bit longer turns into quite a bit longer; and by the time Levi finally
decides that he’s ready to try moving, Eren’s passed the fuck out beside him,
somehow managing to look stupidly happy even in his sleep, his expression all
soft and sweet where he’s nuzzled against Levi’s shoulder.
Levi has to take a long moment to stare at him before he manages to slide out
of the bed.
Somehow gets up without waking Eren. Doesn’t even bother with clothes.
They’re both covered in come and everything between his legs is achy and
sticky; but like fuck is he doing the walk of shame to the bathroom. The last
thing he needs is to be wandering the halls of Eren’s youth shelter while
looking as thoroughly just-fucked as he’s sure he looks right now.
Shivers through the chill air, and finds the bottle of water in his bag.
Debates it, for a moment, before he dumps some of it onto his boxers – which is
stupid, but it’s the best he’s got – and uses it to clean off his stomach and
chest as best he can. Crawls back onto the bed and – carefully – does the same
for Eren, who barely even responds; and Levi breathes through the wave of
butterflies and drops his boxers over the side of the bed, before lying back
down again. Reaches down to tug the blankets up over both of them – considering
that they’re both still naked, they’re definitely going to need them – and then
lies down on his stomach and twists his fingers into Eren’s, where his hand is
resting down between them. Presses in as close as he can without waking him,
his eyes already sliding shut, and the butterflies in his stomach moving up to
fuck with heart, too, and – sucks in a breath when Eren’s fingers tighten
around his. Opens his eyes to find Eren smiling at him from across the pillows,
his expression so soft it almost actually hurts a bit.
“You okay?”
Levi stares at him for a moment, and then nods.
Watches as Eren watches him right back, for a few seconds; before his lips pull
up a bit further, and a hand sneaks up to rest on Levi’s cheek. Watches as Eren
watches the gentle movement of his thumb across Levi’s lip – Levi, maybe,
shivers a bit – and then Eren leans down to kiss Levi’s shoulder, pressing in
closer underneath the blankets, until he’s curled up right against him.
“Ka. Love you. Wake me up if you need anything.”
His breath is warm against Levi’s skin, and he already sounds like he’s
drifting off again.
Levi feels his damn heart skip, and just barely manages to swallow.
Has to suck in a breath and give it a couple of tries before he manages.
“You too, kid.”
His voice is pretty much just a fucking disaster, and he can feel Eren smile
against him.
Breathes through it and closes his eyes, their fingers twisting together under
the covers again.
Levi’s pretty sure he wants to lie here just like this for the rest of their
lives. 
***** Chapter 24 *****
Chapter Notes
     (TW for brief musing on past shitty relationships.)
     Kink advisory: kink negotiation, hint of praise kink, sappy dirty
     talk (yeah there is totally some whispering of sweet nothings in
     this), slight hint of masochism, brief consensual somnophilia, and so
     so much cuddling and fluff oh my gosh.
Eren’s still asleep when Levi wakes up the next morning.
Sprawled out on his back with his hair all over the pillow, and the blanket
down at his waist.
Levi’s not sure quite how long he stares before he takes a deep breath and
closes his eyes.
This is real. This is real, and Eren’s not going anywhere.
And – shit, it’s too early to be having this kind of epiphany; but it’s like
something’s finally clicking in his brain, slowly. Like he’s been dancing
around the edges of something for a long time; and now – with Eren happy and
asleep beside him, and Levi’s skin probably marked all to hell with visible
proof of just how much Eren wants him – it’s finally actually truly sinking in.
He’s allowed to want this.
And that – that is a pretty crucial realization to have.
Because he’s actually truly allowed to want this.
It’s not weird. It’s not creepy. It’s not – he’s not hurting Eren, in any way.
Their age difference isn’t fucked up – it’s working for them, actually, with
how well they balance each other out – and Levi’s not some skeevy jerk who’s
corrupting a minor. He’s not like any of his previous partners, either; many of
whom had done such a number on him – and he’d been worried, maybe, that they
had fucked up his ability to be in a functional relationship – but they hadn’t.
He’s not like any of them, and this isn’t creepy.
Eren loves him, and is happy with him. Levi makes him happy.
Knows that he does, because he’s been watching it happen.
And – he’s been so careful, all this time. Been tiptoeing. Been passive in ways
that he hadn’t even known he could be. He’s let Eren instigate almost
everything, always, and been so careful about wanting anything in return. Had
let his want be more of an abstract concept, and hadn’t let himself think in
specifics, and - but Levi’s allowed to want this; because they’re making it
work. They’re functional and happy and healthy together – and eight in the
morning and with semen still dried on his stomach might not be the most
romantic moment to be having this epiphany; but it doesn’t even matter.
Levi can want this. And he can stop being so goddamn cautious about everything.
And what Levi wants, truly wants – has to take a deep breath, and let the
weight of that settle for a moment – is to make Eren feel as fucking
spectacular as he’s made Levi feel, too.
He’d been really fucking good at this, once, long ago. Had been some snarky
suave motherfucker who could have charmed the pants off just about anyone – and
who'd always followed through on it, too; had done his best to never leave
someone unsatisfied – as long as it was just for one night.
And right now, though – he doesn’t regret a second of it.
Not when it’s part of why he’s got a roster of tricks to take Eren apart with.
Not when every stupid thing he’s ever done has led him to here, with him so
very aware of just how lucky he is, and with him just so fucking bone-deep
grateful for the boy lying beside him.
The world’s a wretched place, a lot of the time. And people are often horrible
to each other.
And if he and Eren can carve out their own little part of the world that lets
them take care of each other, then that makes them two of the luckiest fuckers
on the planet, and –
Realizes he’s still staring like an idiot when Eren shifts, a bit, and the
blanket falls a bit lower.
Levi takes a deep breath, and glances at the clock on the bedside table.
Right. It’s Saturday. Eren has kittens to cuddle, soon, because he’s somehow
still managed to cling to his volunteer position, despite how much school has
been kicking his ass, and – and he needs to get up, anyway, in like half an
hour. The least Levi can do is make sure he wakes up happy.
It’s almost ludicrously easy to slide a bit down the bed and pull the blanket
right off Eren.
Eren had told him - several times, actually; and always with this big stupid
pleased smirk that had made Levi's face flush - that Levi could wake him up
with sex any time he wanted, as soon as they had their own bed – and like hell
is Levi going to let the opportunity slide by.
Nudges Eren’s legs apart – he’s already a bit hard, still sound asleep – and
Levi should probably be concerned by how hard his heart is slamming; but he
just doesn’t care, somehow. He’s allowed to want this. And it’s about goddamn
time he finally figured that out.
Finds the bottle of lube – it had somehow made it back to the night table, it
seems – and slicks up his fingers, and rests them against Eren's thigh, as
gentle as he can. Doesn’t go any lower with them – won’t, until Eren says for
sure – but starts sliding his lips along the inside of Eren’s thigh, instead.
Feels the way Eren twitches, his breathing coming a bit harder.
“What…”
He sounds adorably confused and still half-asleep and absolutely ridiculously
hot; and Levi breathes through it. Moves his mouth to Eren’s dick, and closes
his eyes. Feels his cheeks heat up when Eren’s fingers twist down into his
hair; and his hips jerk up, like he can’t help himself.
“Levi…”
Levi looks up. Finds Eren flushed with his eyes blown wide, and his mouth
hanging a bit open.
Levi sucks in a breath and slowly trails his fingers a bit lower on Eren's
thigh. 
“Morning.”
His voice sounds rough, even to his own ears; and Eren swallows so hard Levi
can see it.
Swallow and looks more than a bit overwhelmed, suddenly.
Levi presses his cheek against Eren’s thigh and manages to keep staring up at
him, even as his heart does that stupid thing and his stomach goes all shaky
and his toes curl against the damn bed, and - sucks in a steadying breath, and
then lets his fingers drift lower, until they're pressed right below Eren's
balls. Doesn't miss the way Eren sucks in a breath and goes very still.
“Any objections?”
It’s really fucking cute, actually, how Eren quickly shakes his head, his eyes
kind of ridiculously wide; and Levi kind of wants to grin, but his heart is
slamming too hard. Watches Eren for another moment - stays right where he is as
Eren slides his fingers through his hair, still looking a bit like Levi's
managed to blindside him – and then Eren's eyes flutter shut, and his head
falls back against the pillow, as Levi takes him into his mouth. Takes a moment
to get comfortable with it – and then he closes his eyes, and starts rubbing
slow circles with his fingers, his heart thudding something awful as he feels
Eren gradually harden in his mouth. Keeps it slow and doesn’t try for anything
more until Eren’s pretty much just pulling his hair right out.
“Please, please, just –”
It’s a gorgeous sound, really. They’re definitely going to need to do this
more.
Braces himself against the bed and starts focusing on just the head of Eren’s
cock, his own body already going hot all over. Sucks him in, and then licks,
and then wraps his mouth around him, again. Breathes through the taste and the
weight of it. Keeps it gentle, but doesn’t give him a break. Stays with it
until Eren’s making noises that Levi needs to file away and keep forever.
“Levi –”
Eren sounds like he’s already pretty close to losing it; and the surge of pride
is probably a bit ridiculous, but he doesn’t fucking care.
Presses his fingers a bit more deliberately against Eren’s entrance - his own
heartbeat spiking so suddenly it hurts, sharp and aching in his chest - and
doesn’t miss the way Eren pushes into it. Tugs on his hair and squirms, and –
Levi could listen to him whine like all day long. Shit, he wants to start every
morning like this. He’s just about ready to go out of his skin.
“Can I…”
He’s not sure if it’s the words, or his breath against Eren’s cock; but either
way Eren’s squirming into it, nodding, holding on to Levi – and Levi takes a
moment to look at him. The curve of his neck, the jut of his hipbones, the
flush that’s all the way down his chest, and – Levi only realizes how horribly
he’s shaking when he slides just the tip of a finger into Eren, and the
tightness of it steals his breath, even as Eren – twitches like he doesn’t know
whether to press into it or pull away. Levi sucks in a breath and kisses his
stomach. Doesn’t try to press in any deeper until he can feel Eren’s muscles
start to relax. Can hear Eren making shaky little whimpering noises, his
fingers twisted in Levi’s hair – and Levi carefully – slowly – slides his
finger in a bit deeper.
Presses through the heat and tightness and tries to not just pass out against
Eren’s stomach.
Just one. That’s enough for now.
He wants to know more about Eren’s experiences on this end of things before he
tries anything else – wants to know if –
Actually, though, maybe he’s over-thinking this; because Eren doesn’t seem to
want a break.
Is trying to get closer, making little noises like it maybe hurts a bit but he
wants it anyway, and – Levi has to take a very deep breath before he carefully
presses his finger in as far as it will go.
Doesn’t miss the way Eren whimpers and slaps his hands over his face.
Levi is suddenly incredibly fucking short of air.
“More, I’m fine, I-I –”
Okay, so, this is something they’re going to have to talk about later,
probably, but –
Right now, though –
He’s really careful about it, still – can feel how tight Eren’s muscles are
around him – but he fucks Eren with his finger, a few times, until Eren’s
spreading his legs wider and trying to yank on his hair – and then he licks
down Eren’s cock as he – carefully – slides a second finger inside.
Eren makes a noise like he’s dying, and Levi can feel his teeth grind together.
Fucking hell.
His face is too hot and he’s pretty sure he’s never felt this protective and
turned on at the same time before. Kneels up and puts his free hand on Eren’s
stomach, his fingers still buried in deep.
“This r-really does it for you, huh.”
He’s half-expecting a glare, maybe. What he gets is Eren nodding a bit
frantically and trying to shove down harder on his fingers; and Levi has to
lean down to rest his face against his stomach.
Presses his mouth there and makes sure he’s kissing Eren as he moves his
fingers – Eren’s so hot around him, god, so fucking – and he’s panting and
whimpering, too, up above Levi’s head, every single sound going straight to
Levi’s dick; and Levi takes a breath and sits up to watch as he curls his
fingers. Knows that he’s right where he needs to be because Eren jumps so badly
he nearly knocks Levi off the bed; and Levi can’t even smirk, because his heart
is slamming too hard.
“Levi –”
Yeah, okay, Levi definitely wants to hear that for the rest of his life.
“Levi, please, come on, just –”
Shit, he loves this kid.
“Would you just –”
It`s probably the hottest thing Levi’s experienced; and Levi closes his eyes
and shoves both fingers in as deep as he can. Drags his tongue down Eren’s
stomach and sucks him back into his mouth. Keeps his eyes closed and
concentrates on the slide of his tongue and his fingers. Feels like he’s the
one falling apart as his fingers find Eren’s prostate and he swallows around
him, and Eren makes absolutely wonderful noises, and grabs onto his hair, and –
Levi could do this for hours, god; he could just stay down here forever, and –
keeps at it until Eren groans like it hurts, making little whimpering noises as
he comes in Levi’s mouth; and Levi just swallows through it and keeps his eyes
closed and stays there until Eren’s done, and – Levi should give him a break,
probably.
Carefully lets Eren slide out of his mouth, and then kisses back up his
stomach, and – tries to ignore the ache of his own dick as he slowly pulls out
his fingers, as gently as he can, his mouth still pressed against Eren’s
stomach – finally gets his eyes open, and manages to look up. Finds Eren
panting, hard, with his head back and his eyes still squeezed shut, and - it
makes Levi’s heart twinge, and he’s up the bed as quick as he can.
Doesn’t try to kiss him – Eren probably wouldn’t care; but between where his
mouth's just been, and the fact that he hasn’t even brushed his teeth yet,
Levi's gonna play it safe – and just braces himself over him, instead. Keeps
his weight off him as best he can as he waits for Eren to open his eyes.
It takes a while, and then –
Eren looks pretty overwhelmed, actually, in a way that Levi’s not used to
seeing from him; and it makes Levi’s chest hurt even worse – but he’s pretty
sure he didn’t fuck up anything, here. Pretty sure this isn’t
a bad overwhelmed. Braces himself on one arm and puts his hand on Eren’s cheek,
as gentle as he can. Traces his fingers over his flush, and over the bite marks
he’s left in his own lip.
“Okay?”
Levi almost blushes at horribly stupidly fond he sounds, even to his own ears.
Watches as Eren takes a breath, and just blinks at him. His eyes suddenly look
a bit damp.
Levi’s still not freaking out, though.
He’s done his own fair share of falling apart over the last couple of months,
after all.
“You… you’ve been holding back on me, you bastard.”
It sounds pretty shaky, though. Maybe a bit choked up; and Levi swallows, and
carefully slides a thumb along his cheek. Doesn’t kiss him; and doesn’t look
away, either, as Eren stares up at him.
“Maybe a little bit.”
“Levi…”
“Guess you fucked that right out of me, huh.”
“Levi.”
It still sounds shaky, but maybe also a bit exasperated; and Eren’s gone even
pinker, suddenly.
Levi doesn’t bother to stop his grin. It’s not often that Eren suddenly gets
all shy about this.
“Seems we also found a way to turn you into an absolute mess, didn’t we?”
“Shut u-up.”
“Cause that was some pretty impressive –”
Eren shuts him up by kissing him.
Levi is completely and absolutely okay with that.
Holds himself over Eren as Eren just kisses him and – doesn’t seem capable of
doing anything else, yet. Feels pretty damn boneless underneath Levi’s hands;
and Levi doesn’t even care that he probably feels a bit prouder than he should.
Braces himself a little bit better and just kisses all along Eren’s neck until
Eren’s hands start doing something more – though that something is sliding down
Levi’s back to cup his ass; and the noise that Levi makes should probably be
embarrassing.
“Sore?”
He still sounds fucking exhausted, and more than a little bit overwhelmed; and
his fingers are just barely pressing down, and Levi – somehow – manages to
shake his head.
Not sore enough to care, anyway. Not with Eren holding onto him like this.
But that’s not the main thing, here.
“You don’t have to.”
His voice wavers, a bit, with the way Eren’s fingers are creeping closer to
their goal; and when Eren’s incredulous little snort against his ear is pretty
much the furthest possible thing from elegant, Levi ends up grinning, again,
even through the wave of heat that’s creeping up his entire body.
What a fucking dork.
“Yeah, given that you basically just sucked my brains out through my dick –”
“Such a charming little –”
“You could always just rub yourself off against my stomach, ya know. So I don’t
have to do any work.”
“And they say romance is dead.”
He doesn’t quite get the sarcasm he was aiming for, though. Not with how hot
his cheeks have gone. Not with how hard his heart is suddenly beating. Feels
Eren go still, for a second, before – he doesn’t quite try to flip them,
because there’s not nearly enough room; but Levi gets the message, and lets
himself be rolled over. Ends up with Eren sitting across his thighs and just
staring down at him, his cheeks flushed, still looking like he’s barely
managing to stay upright, and –
Levi’s blushing really fucking badly, again. Knows that he’s biting his lip as
he manages to stare back at Eren, who – doesn’t do anything, for a few long
moments, before his lips twitch up a bit.
“This is a good look on you, you know.”
His hand is on Levi’s stomach, now, drawing casual little circles.
Levi opens his mouth, and then has to shut it again.
Gives himself a second, and then manages to take a deep breath.
“And you’re still a cocky l-little shit.”
Eren’s only response is a hum that sounds vaguely affirmative, before he smirks
in a way that Levi should probably be concerned about, and then – reaches for
Levi’s hand, and twines their fingers together. Stays that way, for a second –
Levi’s heart jumps painfully – and then brings Levi’s hand to his own cock, and
pulls away, and – Levi’s face is so hot he’s going to catch fire.
He can’t possibly –
“You w-want me to –”
Eren’s response is to smirk even more. Levi’s suddenly having trouble
breathing.
Why is he having trouble breathing.
He’s had Eren’s cock up his ass, for fuck’s sake, why is it this that’s
freaking him –
“Only if you want to, Levi. And I mean that.”
Eren’s leaned forward to cup his cheek, suddenly, his smile gone all sweet and
gentle, instead, and – plays with his hair, drawing his fingers along his
cheek; and Levi really can’t breathe, now.
“I only ever want things you want, too, okay? Only stuff you’re comfortable
with. We don’t have to –”
“You’re pretty f-fucking kinky for a g-guy who claims to not have any kinks,
you know.”
He sounds just as breathless as he feels. Watches as Eren smiles at him, stupid
and fond and with his eyes practically shining at him, and – jesus christ. What
the hell has Levi gotten himself into.
“Well, maybe I’ve got some ideas, then, but never had anyone I trusted enough
to explore them with.”
He says it like it’s nothing, with a little shrug and a smile, still drawing
circles against Levi’s stomach, and – oh, god, how is Levi even supposed to
respond to that? How is he supposed to –
“And, maybe, Levi, you’re why I wanna try most of this stuff in the first
place, anyway.”
He still says it like it’s nothing, his smile far too goddamn sweet for someone
who’s asked his partner to jerk off for them, and – shit, how is Levi supposed
to respond to that, either, because he knows that Eren means it, and – christ,
though, this isn’t even that kinky. Levi’s just an idiot.
Only realizes he must look a bit like a startled deer when Eren suddenly starts
moving, again.
Keeps it horribly slow and gentle as he spreads Levi’s legs and pushes them up,
just a bit, enough that Eren’s able to sit down on the bed – and then he grabs
for Levi’s hands and tugs; and Levi gets it enough to let Eren pull him, until
Levi’s just been tugged right up to sit in Eren’s lap.
Ends up with Eren’s face in his neck, and Eren’s arms wrapped tight around him
– keeping him from tipping backwards – and Levi’s legs on either side of him.
Presses his face into Eren’s hair and tries, desperately, to breathe, but –
there’s hardly any space between them, and Eren’s basically the only thing
keeping Levi from falling. Holding him tight against him and pressing kisses
against his neck. Levi can feel how hard Eren is breathing, his fingers tight
against his back; and Levi tries to breathe through it – swallows, hard, when
Eren presses his lips along his neck.
“Or, option two, then.”
Eren sounds really fucking breathless, suddenly; and there’s not much space to
get a hand down between them, but Eren manages, somehow. It`s a bit too dry,
when he wraps his fingers around Levi; but Levi’s too busy twisting into it to
care. Feels like all the air`s gone out of the room, because – it’s just that –
this is a lot of skin, all pressed together, suddenly – a lot of trust, too, in
that Levi’s only staying where he is because Eren’s holding him, and – based on
how hard Eren’s breathing, and how shaky his mouth is on Levi’s neck – it feels
like it’s all starting to get to him, too.
“Only stuff we b-both want, Levi. I mean that.”
It's damn near whispered, right against his mouth, and Eren’s thumb has found
one of the places that makes Levi shake; and, god, Levi’s the luckiest fucker
on the planet, he’s – jumps, a little, when Eren’s fingers start spreading
around some of the wetness at the tip. Jumps and holds on a bit tighter as Eren
pulls him closer and slowly drags his hand down the length of him.
Christ motherfucking –
“I could stay like this with you for hours, you know.”
It’s barely a whisper, and Levi has to close his eyes.
Just closes his eyes and holds on as tight as he can.
He’s not going to cry.
He’s not.
“Anything you want, any time you want, just –”
He needs to tell Eren to shut up. Why isn’t he telling Eren to –
“– whatever you need, I’ll –”
His hand’s a bit tighter and faster around him, now, moving between their
bodies – and he’s ducked down to bite along the curve of Levi’s
shoulder, god, still feeling like he’s trying to squirm closer – goes back to
kisses, instead of bites, gentle and soft along Levis skin, even as his hand
speeds up; and Levi can feel how badly his legs shaking, where they’re spread
on either side of Eren. Can feel his heart slamming, can feel himself getting
closer; and Levi could stay here for hours, too, could – wants to do everything
with Eren, wants it for Eren, and wants it for himself, too, wants – swallows
through the sudden weight of that, christ, as Eren tightens his grip and bites
along his neck, pushing him even fucking closer, and –
“I - I'm - I’ll get off for y-you - later.”
He barely gets it out, and it’s way, way too much, for a second – but then it’s
worth it, god, easily worth it, for the way Eren groans right against his neck,
low and desperate enough to make Levi’s face heat up.
Groans and licks over where his teeth have just been, suddenly breathing even
hard against Levi.
“You – y-you – don’t have –”
It’s low, and shaky, and sounds completely fucking overwhelmed; and Levi tries
to press closer.
Tries to get as close as he physically can.
There’s not much closer he can, though, with Eren’s hand still wrapped around
him.
Doesn’t stop jerking Levi off – it’s a bit damper, now, too, with how badly
Levi’s started to leak – doesn’t stop jerking him off even as Eren holds on
tighter and falls apart right against him, too.
Levi fucking loves this kid.
“Levi –”
“I know, I know, that’s – I-I want to, okay, so – so please just –”
He’s still basically counting on Eren to hold him in place – his legs out on
either side, and Eren’s arm wrapped around his back, fingers digging in – and
all it takes is Eren tightening his grip and pulling him closer – rubs his
thumb below the head of Levi’s cock, in between them – gets it even damper and
slides his fist back down, again, and then back up, tightening his arm around
Levi and biting down against his neck, and – Levi’s right there, right fucking
there, can almost – realizes that Eren's hand is slowing, a bit; and just about
hurts himself with how suddenly every muscle in his body tightens up. 
"Eren -"
"Can I -"
"I don't care, just do something -"
"You're not - too sore? If, um. If I...."
His fingers are trailing down, a bit, lower on Levi's back; and Levi
desperately shuts his eyes.
Can feel the way Eren's starting to get hard, again, pressed up close against
him.
Shit, this kid's going to kill him. Levi's going to fucking die from too much
sex.
"Fine, fine, just -"
Considering how badly Eren feels like he's trying to hold back, it's amazing
how horribly gently he rests Levi back down on the mattress; and Levi - just
barely - manages to stop from covering his own face.
God, forget dying from too much sex. Eren's going to fucking kill him with too
much affection.
"Levi..."
Levi doesn't quite get his eyes open.
He's so lucky, shit. So fucking lucky.
Can just barely hear the click of the bottle opening, over how hard the blood
is pounding in his ears. 
Only realizes that Eren's probably waiting when the little shit fucking grins
against his thigh - Levi's not sure when he even - and then drags his tongue
along it, followed by a sharp scrape of his teeth - and Levi would glare at
him, but he's too dealing with how badly he's whimpering, his hips jerking on
the bed. Too busy dealing with how horribly he's blushing - realizes that
he has put his hands on his face, now, like he's some kind of nervous teenager
- and hears himself whine as Eren slides a finger inside him, slow and slick
but still enough to twinge - but he's not too sore; and he wants this.
Holds on the sheets and closes his eyes and shoves down harder - it does hurt,
a bit, but he doesn't fucking care - until Eren finally works a second in,
slowly, spreading him open and making him ache, breathing hard against Levi's
thigh, and -
"Levi..."
Levi's not managing to stay still at all, any more.
If Eren touches his cock, he's done for. 
He's right there, right there, he just needs someone to - needs Eren to -
Only realizes he's making stupid noises when Eren kisses his damn knee and
curls his fingers; and Levi's almost got tears in his eyes, suddenly, because -
 so close, he's right there, so fucking close, he's - he's going to - but - but
Eren had wanted -
"Thought y-you were g-gonna fuck me."
He barely gets it out. Sounds like he's been yelling for days.
Grits his teeth and shakes through it when Eren's fingers rub across his
prostate again.
"Levi."
It sounds horribly sweet, suddenly; and Levi can't really get any closer. Tries
to, but he can't.
Holds onto the sheets and feels his cock jerk as Eren presses a bit further
with his fingers, slow and achingly deep. 
"I was - just asking if I could do this, actually."
It still gentle and horribly kind sounding, and - Eren's smiling, now. 
Smiling soft and sweet against his knee, even as his fingers slide completely
out, and then back in again, and -
Levi's eyes are wet, again, and his heart really fucking hurts; and he ends up
with his hands back over his face as Eren just fucking doesn't let up - makes
him jump and twitch with every slide of his fingers, and - Eren 's mouth is
suddenly hot and wet around him, and he barely has to suck Levi in before
Levi's shaking all over and pulling on his hair, he's - and there's pressure on
his prostate, again, as Eren doesn't let himself be moved, stays right where he
is - and - Levi's whimpering, now. Can hear himself - he's whimpering and
squirming as Eren doesn't let up - works him through it, swallowing everything
Levi has to give, until Levi tries to squirm away - ends up panting as Eren
pauses, and then slowly - carefully, with his other hand resting against Levi's
stomach - pulls his fingers out, and rests his cheek against Levi's
stomach. Just stays there and softly kisses him as Levi holds on to his hair
and tries to breathe.
His heart is fucking slamming.
Slamming away in his chest and he's not quite breathing properly yet.
Only realizes how badly he's still shaking when Eren slides up his body to wrap
up around him.
Slings a leg and an arm over him and shoves curls up along his side with his
face in his shoulder.
Levi barely has the energy to roll on his side. Manages, somehow, and then ends
up with his heart beating even harder as Eren sighs all soft and happy and
nuzzles in under there's no space between them, their limbs all tangled
together.
Levi still can't fucking breathe.
Just lies there and lets Eren hold him - hands soft and slow against him -
until Eren presses a gentle kiss against his cheek, sending a new flock of
butterflies out from Levi's stomach and up through his entire goddamn body, and
-
Shit goddamn he is so gone he is so ridiculously fucking in love, he's -
tightens his grip around him, and gets his body moving enough to press even
closer. Squeezes his eyes shut and tries to breathe through it when Eren kisses
him again.
"Anywhere you need to be today?"
His voice is barely above a whisper, and his fingers are dragging slow circles
against Levi's back. 
Slow and gentle and so fucking affectionate that Levi only just barely manages
to shake his head.
Feels Eren smile, even as Levi's heart starts jumping all over the place again.
"Good."
He sounds a little too pleased, considering that he's supposed to be cuddling
kittens, soon; and Levi has to try a few times before he can get his shaky
voice to work. Has to swallow through it all and gives himself a second to
breathe. 
"Don't - don't you have to -"
"Called in, yesterday, as soon as we made plans."
He's still smiling, right against Levi's cheek; and Levi has to take another
moment to just breathe, because - oh, god, that would be wonderful, if they can
just stay here all day - if - Levi's stomach is flipping all over, suddenly,
and he tightens his grip around Eren. Doesn't miss the way Eren sighs, and
snuggles closer, too, pressing his mouth right up beside Levi's ear.
"Was gonna tell you, last night, but - guess I, um - got a little -
distracted."
He sounds incredibly pleased with himself, suddenly, but in a way that sounds
almost shy, instead of his usual cockiness - and Levi breathes through the wave
of sudden protectiveness. Runs a gentle hand down Eren's back, and smiles when
he shivers, a bit. Presses his smile into Eren's shoulder and kisses him,
there, not missing the way Eren sucks in a breath.
"Levi -"
"Did a fucking spectacular job with all that distracting, kid."
It's - for a second, it might be too much - Levi might have said something
stupid, here - but Eren whimpers and grabs on tight to him, like he'd actually
maybe really needed to hear that, maybe, underneath all his cockiness, and -
and Levi's face is too hot, suddenly. His face is too hot and his stomach hurts
and he - tries to steady himself, takes a deep breath - but it's not working.
Not with how badly his chest is aching as Eren holds on to him like some kind
of lifeline, shivering and twitching, a bit; and Levi's suddenly really fucking
short of breath, again, because - shit, he loves this boy, he - 
Sucks in a breath and closes his eyes, and then pulls Eren as close as he can,
and slides his free hand down between them. Cradles Eren close and wraps a hand
around him, even as Eren whimpers and burrows his face into Levi's neck.
Levi's pretty sure he can feel how hot Eren's face is.
Keeps the movement slow and gentle - he's not quite wet enough, probably, but
Levi's not breaking this moment to find the lube - not with Eren twisting and
whimpering against him like it's already perfect, like there's nowhere else in
the world he wants to be, right now - gets his hand up to his mouth, at least,
and gets it as damp as he can, and then wraps it around Eren, again - holds
Eren as close as he can and just - gets him there, slowly, with Eren whining
and squirming against him. Holds him there - Eren's probably going to leave
bruises on him - and lets Eren hide his face in his neck, his cheeks so hot it
hurts - feels it when Eren starts getting damper, and uses that, too, spreads
it all over with his fingers and keeps things slow until Eren is a solid line
of tension, wired tight right against him, ready to break, barely even
breathing, anymore, and - Levi's stomach is still hurting, and he loses what
little was left of his air when he presses a kiss against Eren's cheek and Eren
finally breaks, making lost little shaky sounds and digging his nails into
Levi's skin as Levi tries to tug him in closer.
Works him through it - gently, feeling Eren spill all over his hand and his
stomach - and tugs him in closer until Eren is shivering against him; and Levi
barely takes the time to wipe his hand on the blanket - his heart is slamming
probably as bad as Eren's, and his breathing's just about as fucked - before he
wraps both arms around Eren and holds him tight as Eren just - doesn't move,
for a bit. Curls in against Levi and presses his face into Levi's neck, his
breathing shaky, and -
Levi's pretty sure he's never felt this protective in his entire life.
Holds on to Eren and doesn't try to move them - doesn't even try to speak -
until Eren's breathing slowly starts to steady again. Runs a hand down his
back, and - yeah, no, they definitely don`t need to move yet. Not with Eren
feeling so absolutely fucking boneless against him. Presses a kiss to his
cheek, and feels Eren exhale, and - nuzzles even closer, somehow, holding on
tightl and - Levi's going to take care of this kid forever. Gonna make sure he
never ever has to doubt this.
"You okay?"
His voice is pretty much completely fucked, at this point. 
Feels it everywhere when Eren swallows, and nods, but doesn't do anything else;
and Levi takes a deep breath, and carefully runs his fingers up through Eren's
hair. Keeps them there - tugging gently - but doesn't try to move him up from
where he's pretty much just ended up hiding in Levi's shoulder. Just keeps the
slide of his fingers as gentle as he can until Eren swallows and starts slowly
kissing up the side of his neck, and - Levi's eyes are already sliding closed
by the time Eren reaches his mouth. Kisses him so terribly gently, barely
brushing their lips together, as Eren's hand settles on his cheek; and Levi
wants to do this all damn day long. Wants to keep Eren in this bed until Eren
knows just how appreciated he is. 
Sucks in a deep breath and puts his hand over Eren's, where Eren's fingers are
curved against his cheek.
"Eren..."
"Pretty sure I-I've never been better in my entire life, actually." 
It's barely a whisper against Levi's mouth; and Levi's stomach is suddenly all
twisted up, again.
Oh, god.
Oh god how is he even going to survive this.
Knows Eren feels the little sound he makes, and just stays there until Eren
pulls back enough to - somehow, Levi opens his eyes. Finds Eren looking shaken
straight through but with the sweetest little smile, even through how badly
he's blushing; and Levi carefully rubs a thumb against Eren's cheek, until Eren
kisses his palm and rests his face there, letting Levi hold him in place,
before he lies back down; and then they end up with Eren's head against his
chest, and Levi's face in his hair, and his arms wrapped around Eren, and -
 Levi's gone a bit shaky, again, with everything inside him feeling all
fluttery. 
Breathes through the sheer too much of it all and holds on as Eren kisses his
chest and somehow presses closer.
"Can we just... stay like this, for a bit?"
He sounds really freaking overwhelmed, again; and Levi, carefully, tightens his
grip around him.
Presses his mouth into Eren's hair and kisses him as gently as he can, feeling
Eren's heart slam against him.
Has to take another deep breath before he can manage to get the words out.
"Anything you want, kid."
He barely manages to whisper it, and he sounds just as overwhelmed as Eren; and
when Eren makes a soft little noise and presses even closer, snuggling up
against his chest, all Levi can do is close his eyes and hold on, his arms
tight around Eren and Eren’s cheek resting right over his heart.
***** Chapter 25 *****
Chapter Notes
     Apologies to everyone for the delay on this chapter (I just moved to
     Vancouver a month ago :D, so RL things have been a little crazy).
     Thank you, as always, to everyone who's been so amazingly supportive
     as I've been writing this story. Ya'll are truly the absolute best. ♥
     (Kink advisory: kink negotiation, hickeys.)
Levi makes it maybe half an hour more before he desperately needs to find the
washroom.
Eren – amazingly – is asleep, again, still curled up against Levi; and Levi
puts it off for as long as he can before he – carefully – tries to extricate
himself. Manages it, by some miracle – moves so slowly it’s like he’s barely
moving at all, until Eren is curled up on the sheets, again, still asleep and
looking utterly wiped out in a way that Levi’s maybe a bit too proud of – and
then he nearly falls on his ass as soon as he swings his legs over the side of
the bed and tries to stand.
Ends up wobbling a bit, until he’s got one hand braced against the wall, and
the other slapped over his own face; because if he grins any harder he’s going
to start laughing and wake Eren up.
His legs are actually fucking wobbly.
He’ll have to tell Eren later, so Eren can be smug about it.
Finishes grinning into his hand – shit, he’s such a dork – and starts surveying
the mess of clothes on the floor. His briefs are a write-off, of course, and
they appear to have landed right on his shirt, too, which is just fantastic ,
wow; but he needs something , and – oh, god, this is going to mean going
commando in jeans, isn’t it, he hates going commando in jeans –
Hears a snicker, and becomes very aware of how naked he is, standing in the
middle of the room.
Takes a moment to breathe, and then turns back around to find Eren still
sprawled on the bed, eyes barely open, and his stupid expression curled into a
self-satisfied grin that’s far too fucking cute.
“Having some trouble walking?”
Eren’s still grinning, now; but he’s also unrepentantly sweeping his gaze down
the entire length of him, top-to-bottom, with a blatantly shameless admiration
that Levi can feel shoot straight through him – and Levi feels his face heat,
and his legs get a little more shaky. Only realizes that he’s basically just
standing there and blushing like an idiot when Eren’s expression goes a little
softer, and he sits up and slides his legs over the side of the bed. Holds out
his hands – and Levi takes them. Ends up with his legs on either side of Eren,
and Eren’s arms tight around him, and his face shoved into Levi’s chest; and
Levi closes his eyes, and presses his face into Eren’s hair.
“Pretty sure that watching you grin to yourself after nearly falling on your
ass was one of the cutest things you’ve ever –”
“Piss off.”
He doesn’t even manage to sound even the slightest bit aggravated.
Not with Eren’s hands sliding slow against his back, and Eren’s smile pressed
against his chest.
Isn’t sure how long they stay like that – Eren’s hands sliding gently up and
down his back, and his breathing soft against his chest – before Eren finally
presses a soft kiss against his collarbone.
“C’mon. I’ll find ya some clothes.”
Levi manages to nod, a bit.
Nods, and then – reluctantly – slides himself off of Eren’s lap – doesn’t go
far, though, because Eren’s standing up, too. Stands up and bites his lip and
puts a hand against Levi’s collarbone, before he bites his lip and manages to
look both a bit embarrassed and pleased at the same time.
“We, um. I’m – I’ll see if – I don’t think I own a turtleneck, but –”
“Oh, god.”
“I might have some kind of –”
“I – I look like some teenager who’s just discovered making out, don’t I.”
And – Levi should probably sound a little more aggravated by that.
Shouldn’t sound so fucking pleased about the entire stupid situation.
Watches as Eren grins a bit wider and blushes, biting down harder against his
lip, his fingers tracing along the bottom of Levi’s neck, which – Levi’s really
fucking short of breath, suddenly. Stands there and watches as Eren’s eyes
follow the slide of his fingers, his expression softening.
“You – yeah, you totally look like some teenager who’s just discovered –”
“And you l-look incredibly pleased with –”
“Course I am.”
Eren’s grin has slid into something gentler, now; and Levi swallows. Ends up
kind of looking somewhere around Eren’s shoulder as Eren’s fingers slide up his
neck and then back down again.
“You, um – you can do the same to me any time, you know.”
It sounds a little embarrassed, suddenly, and, oh, god, Levi’s not going to
survive this – takes a moment before he meets Eren’s eyes, again. Finds him
gone pink just about everywhere.
“Although we, ah. Might wanna aim for below the collarbone, so I don’t – ya
know. Scandalize the entire school. I, um – don’t think scarves and sweaters
are quite gonna fly during gym class.”
He’s grinning, though, like he almost wants to try it, anyway – and Levi just
stares at him, for a second, before he kind of just unceremoniously slides in
and tucks himself against Eren. Hears Eren inhale, sharply, before his arms
settle around Levi, and he presses his face into Levi’s hair; and they’re both
standing naked in the middle of the damn room, and it should be ridiculous –
but Levi just – he doesn’t want to move. Just wants to stand there and let Eren
hold onto him.
Isn’t sure how long they do just that – the air’s a bit chilly, but Eren’s
warm, and solid, and perfect; and Levi wants to stay right here all day – until
Eren swallows, and takes a deep breath.
“We – we need to – you’re incredibly distracting, you know.”
It sounds horribly fond, and a little bit breathless; and Eren’s hands are
sliding down his back.
Levi takes a deep breath and tries to squirm even closer.
Shit, he’s going to be ready to go again if they keep this up.
“This from the seventeen-year-old sex god.”
“Levi.”
Eren sounds half-strangled, suddenly.
Levi just grins into Eren’s shoulder and holds on tighter.
Shit, it shouldn’t be possible to feel this good.
“Pretty sure I can hear you blushing.”
“You’re the worst –”
“Funny, that’s not what you were saying half an hour ago –”
“Stop it.”
Eren still sounds a bit strangled, and he’s definitely just flat-out hiding in
Levi’s hair, at this point; and Levi just stands there and fucking grins for a
moment longer before he slides his hands down Eren’s back, and doesn’t miss the
way Eren shivers and holds on even tighter, and –
“I mean it, Eren. Nobody could ask for a better boyfriend than you.”
And – oh, god.
But it’s too late, though, because he’s already said it, he’s – but it’s okay,
though, he’s allowed to say sappy shit like this, he’s – it’s definitely okay;
because Eren swallows so hard Levi can feel it, and makes a choked noise into
his hair; and Levi squeezes his eyes shut and holds on tighter.
Just stands there and holds on to him – his heart slamming against his ribs,
and his stomach swooping all over the place – until Eren takes a breath.
Doesn’t move for a bit longer, though, until he pulls back, slowly. Stares at
him, looking a little bit uncertain, maybe, and really fucking young, suddenly;
and Levi takes a breath and puts a hand on his cheek. Keeps the other on his
back, and drags his thumb along Eren’s cheekbone, and – Levi’s stomach is
hurting, suddenly.
“C’mon, kid. Let’s find some clothes so we can get back in that bed and snuggle
some more.”
And – he’s just gonna keep on showering Eren with compliments, then, if this if
how he reacts. Gonna make sure that Eren knows exactly how amazing he is,
because maybe he doesn’t quite get it; and he watches as Eren bites his lip and
swallows, and puts his hand over Levi’s, which –
Alright, so – just a bit longer, then.
They can stay here for just a little bit longer.
- - -
Levi’s still in a daze by the time he gets back to the apartment.
Feels like he’s walking on some kind of happy sappy ridiculous cloud.
He’d drawn the line at showering at Eren’s, at least – there just seemed
something too skeevy about a stranger in his thirties making use of a youth
hostel shower – but he’d been able to wash his face and brush his teeth, at
least. Had wandered down the damn hallway in a sweater that he’d been swimming
in, and with Eren’s goddamn winter scarf wrapped around his neck; and, funny
enough, he hadn’t cared. Had just gotten as clean as possible and then crawled
right back into bed with Eren – and then they’d proceeded to spend about five
hours just dozing and talking.
Had wrapped up around each other and talked and napped and snuggled and then
napped some more and had basically just managed to be snuggled up around each
other for the entire day.
Levi wants to do that always.
Wants to have their own bed so that they can just lie there for hours and do
nothing together.
Can barely keep the stupid smile off his face even by the time he gets back to
Erwin’s – probably scandalizes a number of people, along the way; because
between Eren’s sweater and scarf, and how wrecked Levi’s hair is, he knows damn
well that he looks like he’s just been fucked within an inch of his life – and
walks up the stairs. Nudges his shoes off, and closes the door; and just kind
of leans against the wall and grins into his hands and he can’t stop fucking
smiling, and –
He feels fucking incredible. Feels like the luckiest goddamn man on earth.
Knows that he is.
And he’s going to spend the rest of his life doing his damnedest to make sure
Eren feels just as incredible, too.
- - -
April slides into May with a surprisingly amount of fanfare, all things
considered.
Levi and Erwin move in with Hanji and Mike – the four of them spend a day
moving boxes, and it’s a testament to how well they all get along that it
actually ends up being fun – and Levi takes up his place on a yet another
couch, with his bags tucked in at the end of it. It’s not nearly as comfortable
as Erwin’s had been – and Levi’s chest had definitely hurt, a bit, when he and
Erwin had locked up their old apartment behind them for good; even though he
knows that this is for the better; knows that there’s something awesome waiting
for all of them after this – but it’s a roof over his head, so he’s not going
to complain. Offers to help cover utilities, at least – with the money he’s
managed to save up, he can finally do that, at least – and does his best to
ignore how much his back starts to fucking ache all the time. Doesn’t say a
word about it to anyone. There’s nothing that could be done, anyway, and –
hell, they’re already having a time of it, fitting four people into an
apartment built for two. They’re making it work amazingly well, of course – but
it’s still a lot of people in one small space; and Levi stops just short of
actually making himself a countdown until the end of June. He’s lucky just to
have somewhere to sleep, and that’s enough.
And then there’s the fact that Eren ends up getting increasingly busy with
school.
Starts getting hit with what seems like every assignment ever, as May starts
quickly slipping by – and it’s actually kind of scary to watch; because while
Levi remembers high school being awful, he doesn’t remember it being quite this
awful – and he’s not quite sure how to help. It seems like Eren’s barely even
getting time to breathe anymore, suddenly – and Levi ends up doing his best to
sync up most of his breaks with Eren’s so that they can spend some time sitting
in the cafeteria together, with their knees pressed together under the table,
and Eren glaring at the pages as he more or less attacks his books with his
highlighters. Ends up doing his best to make sure that Eren’s got a steady flow
of caffeine, at least, as Eren starts running out of time to sleep at night –
And yet he still never once takes it out on Levi. Or on Mikasa, or on Armin, or
– Levi never sees him get snappy with anyone. Not once. His entire school year
on the line, and he’s still making the time to play with Levi’s hair, and get
Mikasa tea at work, and quiz Armin on his other classes, too, and – Levi’s not
sure how a seventeen-year-old’s got better coping strategies than most older
adults, but he’s not going to ask. Not now, at least. Just provides as much
support as he can; and by the time they’re into the second week of May, he’s
managed to talk Eren into taking a temporary leave from his kitty cuddling
position, at least. Just until the school year ends. He’s pretty sure that the
last thing Eren needs is to be getting up extra early on his weekends; and when
he gets a text from Eren that Saturday, thanking Levi for convincing him to
give himself a break, Levi just sucks in a breath and texts Eren a string of
hearts back – shit, what has this kid done to him – and resolves to draw some
puppies for Eren. Maybe that’ll help a bit, at least – because Levi knows, now,
just how much is riding on this school year. Knows that it has to be getting to
Eren, even if he barely shows it. And with May just speeding the hell by,
suddenly –
Levi only realizes how quickly his job interview is approaching when he’s
standing by the mop bucket and glances at his phone calendar and remembers that
he only has three days to get ready; and then he ends up basically just bee-
lining it to Erwin’s office, sitting down across from him, and putting his head
on his arms with a groan that sounds pretty pathetic. Doesn’t even bother to
growl at him as Erwin reaches across the desk to ruffle Levi’s hair, smiling so
loudly that Levi can hear it.
“Problem?”
“I – in three days I need to impress a bunch of strangers.”
“And?”
“And? Are you even –”
“You’re phenomenally smart, you’re great with computers, you excel at
organization –”
“I’m –”
“You have excellent attention to detail, you’re incredibly hard-working, you’re
resourceful –”
“Erwin –”
“And, you are also basically a walking and talking encyclopedia of gender and
sexuality knowledge –”
“Yeah, but – but that’s only ’cause Hanji –”
“And you’ve listened. All these years, and you’ve listened to everything that
Hanji’s had to say, and tucked it all away, and never once given them shit. Why
do you think they recommended you?”
And – oh.
Alright. 
Levi hadn’t quite thought of it like that.
Gives himself a second – his stomach’s kind of hurting, a bit – and then sits
up. Finds Erwin doing that horrible thing where he looks incredibly fond of
Levi’s entire existence; and Levi can’t tell him to piss off, somehow. Maybe –
hell, maybe there is some truth to what he’s saying.
“You… you really think I can do this, don’t you.”
 He sounds – well, horribly unsure of himself, really, but – there’s that tiny
flicker of hope, too.
And maybe Erwin gets that – hell, of course he does – because Erwin looks even
happier, now.
“You’ve got everything they need, Levi. Any office would be lucky to have you.”
“But –”
“Is it the job itself that’s making you nervous, or is it just the interview?”
“I – I’m not –”
And then he stops. Because – well, he is nervous, of course he is, but, also –
he hadn’t thought of it like that, either. Opens his mouth, and then closes it,
as Erwin just sits there patiently, and –
He probably could do this job, actually.
Knows that he probably could.
He is good with computers, he does know how to organize shit, he can function
even when he’s miserable, he can more or less handle being around people, now,
most of the time, if they aren’t completely offensive, and – hell, he’s managed
to scrub toilets for months, at this point. If he can hold a job that’s that
gross, then maybe he can make this work, too, and – for fuck’s sake, Levi made
it through four years of university , even. He knows how universities work, and
he knows what it’s like to be a queer student, which – maybe he is actually
decently equipped for this job.
It’s an interesting thought, and he has to take a deep breath.
Shit, it’s been years since he’s felt like he could actually handle something
like this.
“I… the interview, I think. I’m – yeah, that’s – want to, um – would you –”
“Practice interview?”
Erwin’s still smiling at him, looking pretty fucking pleased about everything;
and Levi can’t help but smile back, a little, suddenly. Maybe he really can do
this. He’s made it this far, after all.
“I – yeah, that’d be – yeah. Thanks, um, I’m –”
“Anything for my favourite custodian.”
“You’re a jerk, you know that?”
“Yeah, well, this jerk has already written you an awesome reference letter, so
–”
“I take it back. You’re fantastic.”
“About time you admitted it. Now, why don’t you go scrub something –”
“Ass.”
“– while I conquer this horrible pile of paperwork – and then how about you
wander back before you leave? Can have an interview right here, so we’re in an
office, and everything, if you’d like.”
It makes sense, it truly does; but it’s a new level of realism, suddenly –
christ, this is actually happening – but it’s – it’s okay. Levi can do this.
Nods, and takes a breath, and gets to his feet.
“Alright. I’ll – yeah, that works. Um – six, I’ll be back at –”
“Don’t fall in any toilets.”
“Your sympathy is overwhelming.”
He sounds desert dry to his own ears, and when Erwin just smirks at him, Levi
rolls his eyes and leaves, and – he’s got about four hours to plan for this
fake interview, then, which – hell, at least it’ll provide some level of
distraction, while he scrubs down every damn table in the building.
- - -
That night he’s half-asleep on Hanji’s couch when he gets a text from Eren.
Hey, sexy pants. :) Question. Your interview’s on the 23rd, right? Did ya wanna
spend the night before here? I’d love the company, and I bet it’d be nice for
ya to sleep in a bed that night, too.
Levi’s heart is being stupid and jumping around, suddenly.
Breathes through the gratitude and gets his sleepy eyes open enough to text
back.
Will I be screwing up your schoolwork time?
Not at all, actually. Honestly, I’d probably work better with you here.
Oh, god.
Levi has to swallow through that one, his stomach swooping around all shaky and
stupid.
In that case, then, I’ll happily take you up on that. Thank you, and let me
know if I can help with school, alright?
Deal. And I’m still happy to come with you to the interview, or whatever else
might be helpful. :)
You’re a sweetheart, kid.
He doesn’t quite second-guess it, after he sends it – at this point, he knows
they’re well past that – but it still makes his stomach flutter a bit. Makes
him roll onto his side and clutch at his phone, his heart slamming and his lips
a bit dry, and – shit, when the school year is done, he’s going to pamper this
kid as much as he can. Maybe he should plan them a picnic in the rain, or
something, and – christ, when this craziness is all over – when Eren’s done
school for the year, and Levi has his own bedroom – Levi kind of wants them to
hide away in his bed together and never come out again.
Wants to learn every inch of Eren’s body so that he knows exactly how to make
Eren lose it.
Wants to spend days hiding away from the world together, with nobody but the
two of them.
Feels his phone buzz between his fingers, and breathes through the heat in his
stomach, and –
Not now, though.
Now, they both have stuff they really need to fucking concentrate on.
So are you, Levi. :) Sweet dreams. See ya in two days, ka? And I’m here if you
need anything. <3
Same to you. Sweet dreams.
:)
His cheeks are still a bit hot, and, god, they’re so absolutely ridiculous, the
both, of them, and –
Somehow, though, everything suddenly doesn’t seem quite as overwhelming, any
more.
- - -
Two days later, he shows up at the youth shelter with a high school survival
kit.
Gets signed in, and makes it as far as Eren’s bed – with Eren curled up against
him, tucked in close with his face against his shoulder, like he never wants to
move – before he remembers that he has a goal, here. Shifts around enough to
tug the bag out of his backpack, where it’s lying just beside the bed. Watches
as Eren pushes up to stare at him; and then Levi hands it to him, and
completely fails to not flush like an idiot as Eren starts pulling out pens and
pencils and paper and chocolate bars, and – Eren makes it as far as the new
calculator and the small tin of coffee – setting it all out on the bed – before
he bites his lip and looks a bit like he’s going to cry; and Levi swallows and
tugs him down again. Threads his fingers into Eren’s hair as Eren holds on
tight again; and Levi’s heart it slamming way too hard by the time Eren finally
sucks in a breath.
“You’re – you’re t-the best.”
It’s soft, and painfully genuine; and Levi swallows, hard, and can’t quite
manage a response. Settles for playing with Eren’s hair, instead, as he can
feel Eren try to get himself together again.
“I – I’m just – I’m so tired, and – and I’m so worried, all the time – cause –”
He pauses, and Levi gently slides his hands down his back, trying to tug Eren a
bit closer.
“Eren –”
“And – and I’m trying to not think about it, ’cause then I just get more
worried, and –”
“You’re brilliant. You know that, right?”
And – Levi’s kind of hurting everywhere, suddenly.
Because Eren’s more or less just buried his face into his shoulder, now,
holding on tighter; and then when Eren doesn’t say anything, Levi swallows and
– gently – tightens his grip, a bit, too.
“I mean it. You are. And – you’ve got one hell of a support network, too. If
anyone can do this, it’s –”
“But I didn’t, before, I – I fucked up, and –”
“That was – you’ve got a different life now, alright?”
“I –”
“You do. You really, truly do, and – and you’re more than capable of kicking
school in the ass, okay? And – and I’ll help in any way I can, too, if that’s –
anything I can do, it’s yours.”
For a few moments, there’s nothing but the sound of their soft breathing, and
the feeling of Eren’s heart slamming against him; and then Eren makes a noise
that sounds like a choked laugh.
“You - so it would seem. You b-brought me pens.”
“And chocolate.”
“And chocolate. And –”
“There’s a pad of lined paper in there, too.”
A pad of paper, with a drawing of a puppy slipped in between the sheets.
It takes everything Levi has to bite his lip and not spoil the surprise when
Eren laughs, again.
“You – you’re really the best, you know that?”
“So you’ve said. Think that title goes to you, though.”
“Levi.”
Levi’s pretty sure he can hear Eren blushing, again. Doesn’t bother to stop the
smirk.
“C’mon, then. How about you do your work and I just kind of –”
“You are, though. The – the best, I mean.”
And – now Eren really does sound embarrassed – as though either of them have
anything left to be embarrassed about, at this point – and Levi swallows
through the butterflies as he presses his lips against Eren’s temple, and –
fuck it. He wants to see Eren’s reaction to the drawing, anyway.
“You’re too good to me, kid.”
“I –”
“And, um, I’m pretty sure you’ll like me even more once you finish going
through that bag, so –”
“There’s still more?”
And – Eren doesn’t sound so overwhelmed, anymore. Sounds a bit shaky, still,
but mostly just excited, and – he’s smiling, too, where he’s hiding in Levi’s
shoulder, and – shit, Levi loves him.
“I-I think I’m gonna need to bring you gifts, more often, if this is your –”
“Oh, hush.”
Eren’s grinning through a blush as he sits up, not quite looking at him for a
second before he manages to, some mixture of pleased and embarrassed; and Levi
breathes through it and moves closer. Watches as Eren smiles at him all sweet,
before he reaches for the bag again, and – shit, Levi’s actually managed to
cheer him up. This is actually working. All those times he’s felt like shit,
and Eren’s been able to make everything better, and – god, he’s so glad this
goes both ways.
“You… you drew me a…”
“Well, you – um, since you’re taking a break from the shelter work, for now, I
– I just figured I’d –”
Eren’s kiss is kind of painfully gentle, right against his cheek.
Kisses him so softly and then curls up against him again, tucking his head in
against his shoulder and pressing his face into Levi’s neck; and Levi wraps his
arms around him. Hauls him in closer as Eren seems to try to curl himself in as
close as he can around Levi, breathing against his neck, for a few long
seconds; before he swallows and presses a kiss there, sending a shiver through
Levi.
“Thank y-you.”
Levi’s chest is too tight to speak. Has to breathe through it and tighten his
grip, first.
“Any time, kid.”
He doesn’t sound close to steady, and Eren feels like he’s kind of quietly
going to pieces against him – like he’s trusting Levi to hold on to him and put
him back together – and Levi closes his eyes and holds on even tighter, hoping
that Eren feels as safe in his arms as Levi always feels in his, and – nothing
else matters, right now. They can worry about everything else in a little
while.
Right now, Levi just wants to hold on to Eren and let the rest of the world
fade away for a bit.
***** Chapter 26 *****
Levi’s knees aren’t quite working right by the time he gets to SFU the next
morning.
Takes the bus up the mountain – surrounded by students the entire way – and
makes it to the gender studies office with a good hour to spare. Ends up
sitting outside, headphones in his ears.
He can do this.
Christ, he has to do this.
And he’s… he’s not as horribly nervous as he’d thought he’d be.
He’d sat up until about ten with Eren, and then curled up in his bed and let
himself drift off while Eren had chipped away at his homework, Levi’s drawing
of a puppy laid out right beside his essay. Had briefly woken when Eren had
eventually crawled in with him; and had fallen asleep again with his fingers
laced into Eren’s, and Eren snuggled up close against him, pressed in close.
It had been easily the best sleep he’d had in weeks.
And he can do this. Knows that he can.
Erwin and him had spent easily an hour talking it over. Had rehearsed his
answers. Had focused on preparing his responses, since Levi’s definitely never
done enough interviews for the answers to come naturally – and Levi knows what
he needs to say. Had muttered it to himself during the bus ride. Excellent
computer skills, good with people – he can fake it, at least; knows that much,
now, after navigating a call center full of people – extensive knowledge, and a
university degree.
He can do this.
And yet his stomach is still full of horrible, horrible butterflies.
Because if he doesn’t do this – if he has to keep scrubbing shit out of toilets
– god, he can’t keep doing that. Not indefinitely. He needs this to go well; he
needs to find a job that he actually likes.
He really, really needs to not fuck this up.
And – shit, he still has another hour. It’s barely even 9 am.
Taking a deep breath, Levi closes his eyes and focuses on where he was an hour
ago, with Eren kissing him good morning, and professing his utmost faith in
Levi’s ability to kick the interview in the ass. Focuses on that, for a moment,
and then pulls out his phone, and brings up his images folder. Finds some of
the stupid romantic shots that he and Eren had taken the last time they were at
the beach, with the mountains in the background, and Eren’s grin so bright and
beautiful, and – he’s just going to sit here and flip through his photos, then.
Maybe that’ll calm him down.
Another hour of waiting.
He can do this.
- - -
Petra ends up being sweet and kind and full of smiles.
Levi might even manage a smile back, though his stomach is swooping all over
the place.
Ends up sitting across from Petra at her desk, with his fingers twisted into
his own pants.
At least there’s not more than one person. He’d definitely been worried about
that.
“Levi, right?”
“I – yes. It’s – it’s, um, good to meet you.”
“Likewise. You come pretty highly recommended, you know.”
Highly recommended.
Levi takes a deep breath.
Shit, he owes Hanji. He’s going to clean up their dog’s shit forever, after
this.
“I – well, that’s kind of you to say. Hanji’s – we’ve been good friends, for a
while, now.”
“So I gather. Do you have a resume on you, by chance?”
Levi manages a nod, and then pulls out the folder, from where he has it resting
across his lap. Spares a moment to thank Mike for looking it over and making it
suck less. Passes it to Petra, who smiles at him and glances over it, before
putting it down in front of her, folding her hands on it.
“Alright, Levi. Please tell me, then – what makes you think you’d work well in
this office?”
Christ.
And – alright, he can – he doesn’t need to freak out, here, he knows what he’s
doing, he can –
Levi takes a deep breath.
Alright. 
He can do this.
- - -
Nothing feels quite real, when he walks out of the office.
Feels a bit hazy, and his heart is slamming, and – and yet he’s – he’s okay.
He – he’s pretty sure he didn’t fuck that up, actually.
God, he hopes he didn’t fuck that up.
Gets as far as down the sidewalk before he sags against a wall and yanks out
his phone.
That was one of the most terrifying things I have ever done and holy shit I owe
you. Thank you.
He doesn’t get an immediate response, but that’s fine. Hanji’s probably up to
their elbows in paperwork, or something. Rubs a hand across his face, and
glances at the time on his phone. He’s got three hours until his shift starts –
Erwin had managed to get him the morning off, at least –and, shit, Eren will
still be in class for another hour, at least, so Levi probably shouldn’t text
him yet; and Levi swallows, the butterflies in his stomach still fluttering
around and being stupid.
God. He’d actually managed to do that.
And as soon as he’s done his shift and Eren is done his classes he’s going to
see if Eren wants any help with his schoolwork; and Levi is so going to draw
him a kitten during his break. And then Levi’s going to clean his toilets and
do his best to not worry about the interview and he’d actually done it, he
hadn’t horribly fucked it up – had practiced, enough, and had at least expected
most of the questions – and dear god even if he doesn’t get the job he’s proud
of himself.
It’s a damn good feeling.
And Levi’s maybe smiling, a bit, as he gets on the bus again.
- - -
He hears nothing for well over a week.
It’s enough to make him want to tear his hair out.
Enough that he only realizes just how highly strung he is when he ends up
staring at the mountains, one morning, leaning against a railing downtown, with
his fingers digging into the metal. Takes a deep breath and makes his hands
unclench. He’s still got half an hour until his shift starts, and he needs – he
needs to calm down. Because maybe this is some kind of delayed anxiety thing,
here – because he was fine during the interview but it’s now that he feels like
he’s going to shake apart, and – and he doesn’t want to scrub toilets anymore.
Doesn’t want to clean up other people’s shit and tampons. Doesn’t want to scrub
down the same tables, day in and day out; and maybe he needs to take this
newfound self-assuredness that he seems to have developed and start applying
for more jobs – because if this falls through, he needs to find something else.
He will find something else.
If this doesn’t work, he’s going to find something else. Maybe one of the local
thrift stores is hiring, or something. At least he might get discounts on stuff
that’s already really cheap, and –
His phone buzzes, and he takes another steadying breath and pulls it out of his
pocket.
Okay so I really need to study after school but it has been literal weeks since
I’ve got to stick my hands under your clothes and I’m going crazy. Can we
please schedule make-out times soon? <3
It’s amazing, actually, just how hot Levi’s cheeks flush, even as he starts
grinning like an idiot.
God, this kid’s such a dork.
No wonder Levi’s so in love with him.
Schedule make-out times, huh?
Pfff, whatever. You love my stellar wit. And I’m serious. My bed’s a lonely
place without you. :(
Well, maybe as soon as your exams are over, we can curl up under my brand new
sheets and never leave.
He’s still grinning, a bit, even through how hard his heart is beating; and he
deliberately turns to face into the wind, trying to get his face to stop
burning. Feels his pulse jump at Eren’s response.
Okay so now I’m all flustered on a city bus. You’re cruel, you know that?
This from the guy who texted me about sticking his hands under my clothes.
Well, I could always be more specific, if you wanted.
And –
Okay, wow, Levi should have seen that coming.
And dear sweet god if Eren takes to sexting him then Levi is going to be
absolutely fucked.
That would definitely make you the cruel one. I still have eight hours of
cleaning to get through.
It’s – not as depressing as it could be, actually. Not with Eren right on the
other end of the line.
Aha, I’ll behave, then.  But I really do miss you. <3 Are you doing anything on
Saturday night?
And, alright, now Levi’s stomach is doing flips for an entirely new reason.
Shit, he loves this kid.
Helping you study?
Leeeeeeeevi. 

Helping you study and then maybe making out for a bit until we fall asleep?
Okay now that sounds just about perfect. :D
He can picture Eren so clearly, suddenly – curled up in his corner of the bus,
grinning, with his tongue probably stuck between his teeth as he texts Levi,
his backpack balanced on his lap – and Levi has to close his eyes, for a
moment. Keeps them closed as the wind brushes across his face.
He’s so lucky. So fucking lucky.
And so fucking absolutely gone over Eren it’s amazing.
And he’s still not scared of it. Not anymore. Not when he trusts that Eren’s
just as gone, too.
Does sound just about perfect, doesn’t it. Shit, I miss you, too. Kick those
essays in the ass, alright? And I’ll be over on Saturday. <3
He slips his phone into his pocket after he sends it – needs to at least start
walking, if he’s going to make it to his shift on time – and he’s just turned
on to Cordova when his phone buzzes again. Opens it to a couple of smiley
faces, along with a single little heart; and he has to stop and lean against
the building beside him. Rubs a hand over his face, and just lets the wall hold
him up for a bit.
Whatever happens, they’ve got this. They’ll figure it out.
It’s all sliding into place, finally. He’s found Eren, by some miracle.
And as long as he’s got him, he can figure out the rest of it.
- - -
It’s not long before he gets jittery again, though.
Gets through a couple of days and ends up sitting on Hanji’s living room floor,
leaning up against the couch with his face in his hands. Is really, really
fucking glad that the place is empty.
He just – he really doesn’t want to scrub toilets, any more.
What if he did fuck up the interview? Hell, what if they don’t even call him to
tell him if he didn’t get the job?
But no. Petra had said that she’d call, either way. Levi should be getting a
call, eventually.
Ends up stealing one of Mike’s jackets from the front hall – he doesn’t want to
go rooting through Hanji and Mike’s closets for spare blankets, and Mike’s
stupid giant jacket will be big enough to help, at least – and lies it out on
the couch. Curls up on top of it and pulls the blankets over himself, and then
shoves his face into one pillow and wraps his arms around a second one, turning
onto his side so he can press into the couch. Can’t quite get comfortable, but
it’ll have to do.
Tomorrow, then.
Tomorrow, he’ll stop being so pathetic, and he’ll do some more job searching.
Will get the call center cleaned and then curl up on Eren’s bed and job search.
Because there are probably literally thousands of jobs in this city, and he
just really needs to find one that actually works for him.
Not now, though.
For now, he’s going to lie here underneath all his blankets and try to fall the
fuck asleep.
- - -
It doesn’t quite work.
At 3 am he’s squirmed into about seventeen different positions, and he still
can’t find one that works. Had heard everyone else come home – remarkably
quiet, all of them; and without turning on a single light, probably trying to
not wake him, which, shit, Levi’s gotten so lucky with these three – and had
then proceeded to lie there as the minutes had snuck by and his back had
started to ache.
July. He just needs to make it until then.
Three more weeks.
And then he’ll have his own bedroom. His own bed, and a door that locks.
And if the thought makes his chest pull too tight, and makes him turn and shove
his face even harder into the pillows – well, he thinks he can be forgiven for
that. It’s been a long six months.
And as soon as he gets his own space he’s going to do whatever he needs to do
to keep it – even if that means scrubbing urinals, and mopping floors, and
dealing with menstrual blood, and cleaning up old cigarette butts. He’ll have
his own space – somewhere that he and Eren can hide away in – and that’ll make
it easier to stick it out as a custodian. At least until he finds something
better.
Maybe working in that office was always a bit of a pipe dream, anyway.
- - -
By the time he gets through his Saturday shift, he’s exhausted.
Makes it to the shelter – it’s the same receptionist from before, and he just
kind of nods to Levi before he goes to find Eren; which is rather appreciated,
because, shit, Levi is not up to small talk right now, he’s – he’s exhausted
right down to his bones, and – wow, Eren looks like shit, too.
Has bags under his eyes that could almost rival Levi’s, as he stands there in
the middle of the room and just kind of blinks at him, for a long moment,
before he presses in as close to Levi as he can, actually feeling a little
wobbly against him. Holds on tight as Levi yanks him in even closer.
“Shit, Eren. You been sleeping at all?”
Eren doesn’t even bother with words. Just shakes his head against his neck.
Levi breathes through the wave of helplessness.
Fuck, he hates this.
“Can I do anything?”
Eren shakes his head, and then stops. Nods, instead, against his neck; and Levi
tightens his grip.
“Anything, kid. What can I do?”
“You already are.”
And – Levi swallows, hard, and has to take a second, his throat closing up.
Exhales, slowly, and then squeezes his eyes shut and presses a kiss into Eren’s
hair.
Feels Eren sigh and go even more boneless against him, still clinging on to his
back.
Isn’t sure how long they stand there – Eren more or less just clinging to him –
before he takes a deep breath, and slides his hands down Eren’s back, his heart
still squeezing painfully in his chest.
“Jesus, Eren. We’re a right fucking pair right now, aren’t we.”
He sounds just about as bad as he feels. Feels Eren nod again, and make
absolutely no attempt to move. Just stays there, shaking, slightly, resting
against him, as Levi rubs his fingers against his back, as gentle as he can,
and – alright, to hell with. Levi can’t pass Eren’s classes for him, but he can
at least try to help. Three more weeks, and then all of Eren’s exams will
finally be done.
“You eaten anything in the last few days that didn’t come from a vending
machine?”
Eren’s response is just another shake of his head, and Levi feels his teeth
grit together.
Fuck, this is all so stupid.
High school shouldn’t be like this. Hell, he’s pretty sure it wasn’t like this,
when he was there.
Pretty sure something went very, very wrong over the last decade or so.
“I’d sit your exams for you, if I could, you know.”
“I know.”
It’s barely audible, with Eren still muffled against his neck; and Levi takes
another deep breath, and presses a kiss into Eren’s hair, again, his heart
going all sharp and achy inside his chest.
“Alright, so. There’s that Thai place down the street, right? With that tofu
thing you like so much? So, why don’t you head on upstairs again, and I’ll go
get us some food, and –”
It’s amazing, actually, the way Eren manages to go even more boneless, even as
he’s nodding a bit frantically at the same time; and Levi steadies both of
them, and holds on as tight as he can.
A couple more minutes, then. They can stay here for just a couple more minutes.
And then he’ll go get them food and they can curl up upstairs and Levi will
help in whatever way he can, and – this is all so stupid. No teenager should go
through this much school related shit.
- - -
By about eleven, Levi’s curled up in a mess of blankets on Eren’s bed.
They’d eaten their food, and then Eren had taken a shower, and gotten more
coffee into himself; and then they’d spent a couple of hours snuggled up on the
bed. Had ended up with Levi sitting against the wall, and Eren curled up in
between his legs, resting against his chest; and Levi had hung on to Eren’s
notes and quizzed him on so many different topics it had made Levi’s head spin.
Had eventually ended up with Eren sitting back at his desk, again – leaned over
his books and trying to get new material into his head, which means that
there’s little Levi could do to help him – and Levi feels a bit helpless, but
there’s really not much he can do. Ends up playing with his phone, still
feeling that restless hum under his skin – he’s in some horrible waiting game,
right now, and Eren’s entire year is on the line, and, shit , Levi just wants
all of this to be over –
Feels his entire body go cold when he finds a text from Hanji, sent less than
an hour ago.
Oi, Levi. Petra told me she called you a few days ago. You lose your phone, or
something?
And – he’s literally flashing hot and cold, everywhere; and he’s probably
holding his phone a bit too tight. Fumbles for the keys that will get him into
his voicemails, and finds that he has two waiting for him, and – and his phone
never even fucking rang, it – why didn’t it – gets the phone to his ear, his
heart jumping around and his face too hot and why the hell didn’t his phone
ring.
“Hello, Levi. It’s Petra Ral calling. It’s about 2 o’clock on Wednesday, and I
just wanted to thank you again for coming in for the interview. Unfortunately,
we’ve decided to go with another candidate – but thank you for your time, and
we wish you the best of luck with your job search.”
For a long moment, after the message ends, Levi just stares down at his phone.
Glances over at Eren, where he’s bent over the desk, his shoulders hunched and
his coffee sitting beside him.
Glances back at his phone, and feels himself curl in on himself, a bit.
Feels his eyes squeeze shut.
Fuck, and he’d tried so hard,too.
Knows that his phone is still talking to him. Moves on to the next message.
Fuck.
Fuck.
He’d thought – he’d actually honestly thought that he’d done well, that –
What was he thinking , how could he be so stupid –
“Hello again, Levi! It’s Petra, again. So sorry for the mixed information –
turns out our first candidate has accepted another position, which means that
this position is available, again, and we’d now like to offer it to you. If
you’re still interested, please let me know by 4:30 on Monday, alright? It’s
about 3 on Friday afternoon, now. Thanks, and hope the weekend treats you
well!”
And –
Jesus fucking christ he can’t breathe he –
Over at the table, Eren’s got his head resting in his hands, now, elbows
propped up on the desk.
Levi stares at him for a second, his body aching, and then he stands and slides
his legs over the side of the bed.
Slides up behind Eren and wraps his arms around him, and hears Eren sighs as he
leans back against him, his eyes closed.
Bends down to press a kiss into Eren’s hair, and hears him swallow, pressing
closer – doesn’t say anything, though. Just finds Levi’s hands and holds on;
and Levi knows that he’s grinning, now, where his face is pressed into Eren’s
hair. Knows that Eren feels it, because he can hear Eren smiling, too, as he
tightens his grip on Levi’s hands, where they’re resting against his shoulders.
“Okay, what is it. What’s so funny?”
Levi just grins a bit harder, and shoves his face deeper into Eren’s hair.
Christ, he actually did it.
“I got the job.”
It’s like it takes a second.
And then Levi’s laughing – can hear himself – and pulling back to give Eren
room as he whoops and clambers to his feet, spinning around to yank Levi in
close; and Levi can feel the tears threatening to spill, the relief damn near
enough to take his knees out from under him.
“You did it, I knew you could, fuck, you’re brilliant, Levi, you’re amazing –”
Eren’s grinning through tears, too, when he pulls back, his hands sliding up to
rest on either side of Levi’s face; and Levi stares back at him, for a moment,
until he starts grinning, again, even as Eren’s fingers wipe at the dampness
down his cheeks, and – christ, he did it, he actually– sucks in a deep breath,
and suddenly has to shove his face back into Eren’s shoulder, again, letting
Eren just hold him close and keep him from falling. 
***** Chapter 27 *****
Levi spends the next week slamming back and forth between soul-deep relief, and
an actually physically painful amount of concern as he literally watches Eren
get more and more exhausted.
Eren doesn’t ever seem to get frustrated, though. Just – tired. Horribly tired,
and maybe a bit sad, too. Levi’s rarely been grateful for his university years,
but, just this once, he kind of really is – because even if his high school
experience wasn’t like Eren’s, getting his degree had been academic hell; so
Levi gets it, at least. He just still doesn’t know what exactly he can do about
it.
Only realizes exactly how stressed out Eren must be when he misses work and
doesn’t even call in.
Levi only knows because he gets a text from Eren, right towards the end of
Levi’s shift, with Eren so obviously beating himself up over it – saying that
Erwin had called him, and told him it was fine, that it happens; but that Eren
just feels like such an idiot , now, and how could he have been so stupid and
just forgotten – and Levi sends off what reassurances he can, and then finishes
out his own shift, and wanders in the direction of the Timmies close to the
shelter. Watches Eren for a moment, his stomach hurting – Eren’s books and
papers are all spread out in front of him, and he’s got his headphones on; and
he’s resting with his elbows on the table and his chin in his hands, his eyes
closed – and then Levi crosses the small distance and slides into the seat
across from him. Puts a hand on his elbow and watches as Eren’s eyes blink
open, red and exhausted –
And yet, somehow, Eren still manages to smile at him.
Smiles and pulls off his headphones. Puts them on the table, and then puts a
hand over Levi’s.
Levi’s breathing isn’t all that steady, suddenly.
Nearly six months together, and he’s pretty sure the butterflies in his stomach
have just become more tenacious than ever. Like the longer this goes on, the
better Eren gets at making him shaky.
It’d be a fuck of a lot scarier, if Levi didn’t know damn well that he does the
same thing to Eren.
“Thank you. You just made my shitty night so much better.”
That ghost of a smile is still there, but, christ, Levi’s never seen Eren look
so exhausted, and – his eyes are actually red, even; and Levi doesn’t know if
he’s been crying, or it’s the lack of sleep; but either way, it’s not a good
thing. And Levi’s getting pretty sick of feeling so helpless.
“Pretty sure your night would be even better if it involved sleep, ya know.”
“I can’t, I’m –”
“Any exams tomorrow?”
“I – no, but –”
“And your essays are all in, so –”
“I can’t–”
“One night. That’s all I’m asking. A solid ten hours of sleep. With me as your
personal custom bed warmer –”
“Levi –”
“I mean, it’s your call, obviously, and either way I’m happy to stay for as
long as you want – but do you really think you’re gonna shove anything else
into your brain tonight? Cause you’re looking pretty –”
He waves his hand in a way that he hopes conveys how wretched Eren looks,
without actually having to say it – and watches as Eren just blinks at him, for
a moment, before he closes his eyes. Tightens his fingers around Levi’s, where
Levi’s curled them together on the table; and then Eren opens his eyes again,
and nods. Squeezes Levi’s hand and then starts gathering his things, moving
slowly; and Levi does the math in his head. It’s less than a kilometer to the
shelter. He’ll live.
Watches as Eren slings on his backpack, and then Levi holds the door for him as
they walk outside, into the darkness, and – fuck it. He can do this. Eren needs
something , here, and Levi can do this, at least, even if he can’t sit his
exams for him. Steps down off the sidewalk, and puts his back to Eren, bending
his knees a bit. Hears Eren suck in a sharp breath – yeah, Levi knows exactly
what he’s doing, here – and feels his teeth grit together. This is not the time
for his legs to get shaky.
“So, you hopping on, or what?”
There’s no way to keep it casual – he remembers, clearly, that first date;
remembers that piggyback ride right down Main Street, when his entire life had
changed – and, for a moment, Eren doesn’t move. Then, Levi feels Eren put his
hands on his back. Feels him lean until his forehead is pressed between Levi’s
shoulders, his hands sliding down to rest gently against his hips.
“Dunno if you can carry me all the way home, darling.”
“Guess we won’t fucking know until we try, will we?”
“Snarky asshole.”
“Well, this snarky asshole is offering you a piggyback ride, so. Just climb the
fuck on and –”
“Thank you.”
It’s barely audible, and Eren’s forehead is still pressed against his back.
Levi closes his eyes, and swallows through how badly his stomach is fluttering.
“Anything, kid. Now let’s get going before I fall asleep standing up.”
His legs are still a bit wobbly, and there’s the added weight of Eren’s
backpack, with all its books; but Levi manages, somehow. Ends up with Eren on
his back, his legs around his waist and his face pressed into his neck; and
then Eren sighs, and Levi takes a breath and starts walking.
He needs to come up with some other way to help. There has to be something more
that he can do.
- - -
By the time they make it to the shelter, Eren’s just barely awake enough to
keep holding on.
Ends up blinking in the bright light of the lobby, before he signs Levi in.
Takes his hand and tugs Levi along to his room – Levi hasn’t really been here
that often, yet, but everything’s already starting to feel familiar; and that’s
a pretty damn good feeling – and then locks the door behind them, turns on the
lamp, and just stands there for a moment. Still looks a bit wobbly on his feet;
and Levi swallows, and moves behind him to tug on his backpack. Helps Eren
shrug out of it, and then turns him back around – finds Eren staring at him,
his eyes bright in the dim light – and Levi can feel how hot his face is as he
helps Eren out of his jacket, too. Gently tugs it off, and then lies it over
the back of the desk chair, and turns to find Eren sitting on the side of the
bed, his shoulders slumped. His socks and shoes are lying on the floor, and he
looks miserable. Exhausted, and miserable; and Levi barely takes the time so
kick off his own shoes before he steps up in front of Eren, and – swallows, and
then just kind of unceremoniously slides into his lap, legs on either side of
Eren’s knees. Knows it was the right move, when all the tension shudders out of
Eren, and he wraps his arms so tight around him it hurts.
“Levi…”
“Sleep works better when you’re under the covers, you know –”
“I’m sorry I’m such a mess right now.”
It’s muffled, where Eren’s face is buried against his chest; and Levi sucks in
a breath.
Feels his stomach start to ache, and tightens his arms around Eren, pulling him
closer.
“Nothing to be sorry for.”
“But –”
“I mean it.And, you’re actually a lot less of a mess than you could be, you
know.”
“I –”
“You’re more organized than – hell, more than almost anyone I know. And you’ve
got some kick-ass coping strategies, too, so – if anyone can kick school in the
ass, it’s you –”
“Even if I pass, I still have another year there.”
It’s still muffled, and Eren’s breathing isn’t steady; and Levi can feel his
throat getting tight.
Closes his eyes and tightens his grip.
Shit, he needs to keep it together. For Eren, right now, he needs to keep it
together.
“Eren…”
“I – I’ve been trying to not think about it. All my – my friends are all
graduating, it’s – I’ll have no one left there, in any of my classes, I’ll –”
He cuts himself off; and, shit, fucking hell, Levi doesn’t know what to do.
What to say. How to make this better.
He can’t make this better, maybe.
“And I know I’ll get through it, because I’ve gotten through everything, but –
god, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to –”
“You don’t have to be –”
“It’s – Armin, normally, gets the brunt of it when I-I – get like this. Or
Mikasa. But I can’t talk to them, not about this, because it’s not their fault
they’re leaving, and t-they’d blame themselves, and –”
“Been bottling this for a while, I take it?”
He keeps it as gentle as he can. Barely gets it out, and rubs his fingers along
Eren’s back, and – feels Eren shudder, and go a bit more boneless against him.
Levi – carefully – tightens his grip.
“You can talk to me about anything, Eren. I mean that.”
“I-I know, I just –”
“I’m always here to listen, even if I can’t fix something, or –”
“You already do.”
Eren’s lifted his face, a little bit, his forehead resting against Levi’s
chest, now, the words perfectly audible in the silent room; and Levi swallows,
hard. Sucks in a breath, and can’t speak.
“You – just by being here, you always make things better. You have since the
start.”
Levi’s heart feels like it’s going to slam out of his chest. He can hear Eren
swallow.
“And, um – um, if we keep having this conversation, I’m probably gonna start
crying, so –”
“Nothing wrong with that, either.”
He keeps it as soft as he can, the words getting half-strangled in his throat.
Feels Eren shake his head, his fingers tugging a bit tighter against Levi’s
back.
“Not tonight. I need to just –”
He stops, again; and Levi’s heart is fucking aching.
Shifts closer, somehow, and, gently, slides all his fingers into Eren’s hair,
as careful as he can.
“Hide under the covers for a bit?”
“I-I – yeah, that sounds –”
“And we – we’ll figure something out, alright? Some way to – to make next year
suck less, okay? There’s gotta be –”
“If you, um, ever wanna meet me after school, I’d love that.”
It takes a second – Eren’s gone back to hiding in Levi’s shoulder, his words
muffled – and then it sinks in; and Levi can feel himself go very still. Can
feel the way his face flushes, even as Eren swallows.
“I mean, you don’t have to, of course. I know it’s – probably not much fun to
stand around and wait outside, and – you’re already busy enough, so –”
“Eren.”
Eren stops, still holding on tight to him.
Levi’s heart feels like it’s trying to beat out of his chest, and –
Eren really doesn’t care who knows about them.
And, alright, Levi had knownthat, already – he’s here, isn’t he; right in the
freaking youth shelter – but still. This is – yeah, okay, so Levi’s pretty
fucking grateful for this, too.
And, jesus, Eren needs to not second guess himself over this.
“Sorry, I-I just –”
“I’d love to meet you after school, Eren. Any time you want.”
His heart’s slamming against his ribs, again, and he can feel the heat creeping
up his face.
Takes a breath, and shifts closer, even as Eren makes this soft little noise
and squeezes on even tighter to him. Balances Levi, there, and tries to get
them as close as he can; and Levi closes his eyes and breathes through it, a
wave of happiness bubbling up through him.
Shit, how did he ever get this lucky. How did –
Realizes that he can feel Eren grinning, suddenly, and Levi feels the smile
spread across his own face, too.
Tightens his fingers against Eren’s back and presses even closer, suddenly
feeling a bit like he's flying.
Fuck, it shouldn’t even be possible to be this happy.
“So, I suppose I should get a motorcycle and a leather jacket, then, while I’m
at it?”
He can’t fucking stop smiling, his stupid lungs too tight; and it takes Eren a
second, and then he makes this adorable little aggravated sound; and Levi just
buries his grin in Eren’s hair, and –
Fuck, this kid wants Levi to meet him after school.
Levi can so do that.
Jesus christ, he’s going to die of the fucking cuteness.
“Shut up, you jerk, I just mean –”
“You want your older brooding boyfriend to pick you up from school, you mean?”
“I – I’m – ugh, you are the worst, you –”
“Don’t have a bike, or a fancy car, though, so –”
“Levi –”
Eren’s still smiling, though, when Levi pulls back to grin at him – no signs of
tears, anymore, and looking actually happy – and yeah, alright, that’s a fuck
of a lot better. Levi feels his grin soften.
“C’mon, then. Why don’t you get your broody older boyfriend under the covers –”
“Stop it –”
“And cuddle him until we both pass out?”
“You – you are ridiculous.”
Eren’s got a bright wave of colour across his cheeks, now, though, and he’s
biting his lip and grinning and looking kind of embarrassed and really fucking
pleased at the same time; and Levi swallows, hard, and leans in to kiss him on
the forehead. Feels it everywhere when Eren goes still, and then shivers, and
latches on tight, balancing him there and pulling Levi in closer, and –
Yeah. Levi can do this much, at least.
And, if Eren wants him to meet him after school, then Levi’s damn well gonna be
waiting right there the day that Eren finishes his last exam. Shit, he should
make a list of all the fun things they can do over the summer, too. Make the
list point-form and organized, even, just to watch Eren giggle at him, and –
takes a breath when Eren sighs and snuggles closer, holding on tight, and –
For now, though, he’s just gotta get Eren under the covers, and hold him close
while he sleeps.
Two more weeks.
Two more weeks, and then they have the whole summer to themselves.
***** Chapter 28 *****
Chapter Notes
     Kink advisory: kink negotiation, brief consensual somnophilia, mild
     praise kink, masturbation
Levi wakes up with Eren’s mouth against his neck.
It’s kind of amazing how he goes from zero to a hundred in about half a second.
Closes his eyes and concentrates on breathing. Eren’s sprawled kind of half on
top of him. Still asleep, it seems, and – right. Wearing nothing but boxers and
a t-shirt. Levi can feel the press of him against his leg, hard and damp
through the thin material, and – Eren makes a little sound and tries to shift
closer, and Levi takes a deep, steadying breath. Between everything – Eren’s
school hell, and Levi’s full-time schedule, and the fact that Levi hasn’t
really been able to stay over on work nights, because he really, really needs a
damn shower in the morning, and he just can’t bring himself to shower at a
youth shelter – and the few nights he has been here, Eren’s normally crawled in
long after Levi’s fallen asleep, because Eren’s needed to study, and –
Well. Levi’s been becoming kind of really acquainted with Hanji and Mike’s
shower.
And, even then, it’s four people and only one shower, so it’s not like he can
take his time, exactly, or –
Becomes very aware of how hot his face is, and how hard his heart is beating.
Manages a glance at the clock – it’s just shy of noon, thank fuck; which means
that Eren actually got a decent sleep, for once – and it’s a Saturday, so Eren
doesn’t have school; and Levi’s not working, either, and – he feels the air
whoosh out of him when Eren tries to press closer, his eyes still shut, which –
jesus christ, he’s adorable. And Levi might not be able to fix everything – no
matter how much he wishes he could – but he can at least make sure that Eren
wakes up happy.
Takes a moment to breathe through the rush of heat, and then – carefully –
nudges Eren back off him, and onto his back. Hears Eren murmur, before he
stills, again, his breathing soft; and Levi watches him for a second, his face
flaring even hotter, and then carefully slides in between his legs.
Puts a hand on Eren’s stomach, and then leans down over him, so that his mouth
is by his ear. Hovers there, his pulse racing; and then cups Eren through his
boxers, and feels him squirm, a bit, muttering something, as Levi keeps his
movements gentle – knows the moment that Eren wakes up, because his breathing
suddenly cuts out; and Levi can’t help but smile against his ear.
“Morning.”
For a moment, there’s no response; and then the little whimper he gets is
gratifying as fuck.
So is the way Eren’s fingers twist into the back of his shirt, as Levi gently
drags his fingertips along Eren’s dick through his boxers, keeping the motion
light as Eren shivers. Gets that shaky little whimper again; and Eren seems to
be trying to hide his face in Levi’s shoulder, which – it’s hot as fuck and
horribly endearing at the same time, and Levi’s hand is shaky as he tugs Eren’s
boxers down. Crowds in closer and kisses Eren’s neck as he wraps a hand around
him. It’s nothing fancy, but they don’t have time for more – he knows that Eren
needs to study – but it’s apparently more than enough; because Eren’s holding
on like he’s afraid he’s going to fly apart.
Holding on tight, still barely awake, and making shaky little breathy noises as
he squirms against him.
Levi wants to wake up like this every day for the rest of his life.
Can feel the heat creeping down his entire body, even as he pulls back just
long enough to reach for the lube – pretty damn close to empty, and sitting
right in easy reach on top of Eren’s dresser; so maybe Levi’s not the only one
who’s been getting in a lot of quality time alone, fuck – and then Levi give it
a few seconds to warm up between his fingers, kissing all along Eren’s neck as
he does, until he wraps his fingers around him again. Enjoys the feel of it,
for a second, even as Eren swallows; and then Levi keeps it slow and easy, and
presses in closer, keeping his lips gentle – no marks; not on his neck – as
Eren’s breathing gets heavier and heavier. Holds on to him as Eren whines and
pants, the odd little whimper breaking the silence, and his hips not staying
anything close to still, trying to twist up against Levi; and Levi’s not sure
how long they’re like that – his face getting hotter and hotter, and Eren’s
dick hot and damp in his hand, and Eren’s voice finally breaking into a pretty
much constant little whine – until Eren finally spills between them, all over
Levi’s hand, and all over their stomachs. Makes shaky little noises and jerks,
his face buried in Levi’s shoulder and his nails probably leaving marks through
Levi’s shirt, and –
Levi just holds on tighter as Eren shakes and makes those little noises and
doesn’t once let go of him.
Just stays right like that – works Eren through it, enjoying every twitch, and
every little sound he makes – until Levi slows his hand, and then wipes it on
his own shirt, in between them – can feel the way Eren’s breathing is all
fucked – can feel the way he’s clinging to him, still kind of hiding in Levi’s
shoulder, and – thank godthat Levi’s not the only one who gets so fucking
overwhelmed by this. His chest is hurting and his mouth’s gone dry and his
cheeks are fucking burning.
“Alright?”
He sounds just as rattled as Eren feels, still shaking, a bit, against him.
Has to breathe through it, as Eren just holds on tighter.
Holds on tighter and – stays like that, for a moment; before he wraps his legs
around him, too. Arms and legs, tight around Levi’s body, like he can’t get
close enough; and Levi’s pretty sure he just fucking falls all over again. Has
to take a deep breath before he can make his voice work.
“Eren…”
“Love you.”
It’s barely a whisper, with how close Eren is curled against him.
Levi feels it right through him, and has to squeeze his eyes shut.
Keeps them closed and just fucking tries to breathe, his chest too tight and
his throat closed up.
“You, t-too.”
Eren’s little inhale is sharp and shaky, and Levi just keeps his eyes closed.
Shit, he’s so lucky. So, so fucking lucky.
Doesn’t know how long they stay like that – Eren’s boxers are pushed just
barely down to his thighs, and Levi should really tuck him back in, and help
him get cleaned up – but he doesn’t want to move. Doesn’t want Eren to let go.
Wants to just make this moment stretch for as long as they possibly can. Only
finally moves when Eren – giggles, suddenly; and Levi’s literally instantly
smiling. Feels it stretch across his face, his chest filling up with that
horribly bubbly warmth. Opens his mouth to ask – but Eren’s already speaking,
grinning so wide Levi can hear it.
“You – you literally just woke up and rolled over and stuck your hand down my
pants, didn’t you?”
It’s soft, and horribly fond, and Eren sounds really fucking pleased, like it’s
the best thing ever; and Levi keeps his eyes closed, his heart suddenly racing,
and his face somehow getting hotter.
“Shut up.”
“You – you didn’t even take my pants off, you just –”
“You’re – you’re not even wearing pants, you little –”
“So you just woke up and figured you’d –”
“I – I was actually thinking that you needed to study, and that we needed to
keep this quick –”
“Always looking out for me, huh.”
It’s not phrased as a question – not even close – and Eren’s fingers have
started moving in little circles against his back, and – Levi bites down a
whimper; and, fuck, why is he tearing up now.
“Course I-I am.”
Shit, fuck, he sounds – what is wrong with him, why is his chest so fucking
horribly tight –
Eren’s fingers are sliding underneath the back of his shirt, just lightly
brushing along his skin.
Levi’s arms are getting a bit shaky, where he’s still trying to brace himself
up.
“Levi.”
Christ, he could listen to Eren whisper his name for the rest of his life.
Squirms, a bit, under the gentle press of Eren’s fingers; and feels Eren sigh,
soft and shaky.
“God, Levi, you’re just – I am the luckiest little shit in the world, I swear.
How did I ever –”
Levi kisses him, throat closing up, blinking back the tears – and Eren’s
kissing him so gently it hurts. Fingers sliding up into his hair – holding him
in place, so gently – and then Eren’s just breathing against his mouth, legs
still tight around him, and his fingers threading through his hair.
“What do you want – anything you –”
“You – y-you need to study –”
“Don’t care.”
“Eren –”
 "I-I’m almost out of lube, but – if y-you want, um –”
Eren’s stuttering, suddenly, starting to squirm against him, again; and Levi
can actually feel his toes curl. Squeezes his eyes shut tighter, and shakes his
head, suddenly having a bit of trouble keeping his hips still, because –
christ, he wants that, but – not now. No quite yet, but – god, he wants.
“Next t-time. I – I want to take my time with you, if we’re going to – if you
want –”
“Ka.”
Eren sounds really fucking breathless, suddenly, and kind of really
overwhelmed, his legs tightening around him, like he kind of wants to hide in
his shoulder, again; and Levi takes a deep breath, and just goes back to
kissing him. Just stays there and kisses him until Eren finally sucks in a
breath and slides his hands up along his back, going back to just breathing
against his mouth.
“For now, then...”
He trails off, but Levi doesn’t need the words, anyway. Lets Eren roll him over
– there’s not much space, in his bed, but it’s not like they ever use all of
it, anyway – and then lies there and feels his pulse climb higher as Eren tugs
off his boxers and shirt. Kneels there, flushed all the way down his chest; and
Levi knows that he’s staring. Takes in every gorgeous inch of him. Only
realizes just how badly he’s staring – just how blatant he’s being – when Eren
bites his lip.
“You, um – you really enjoying what you’re seeing, then, or –”
“How could I not?”
Eren, if anything, somehow manages to go even redder; and Levi can feel his
face heat up, too, because that’s really fucking adorable, and – alright, he’d
maybe kind of promised something, the last time they were like this, and – he
wants to, he does, and – fuck, alright, he’s going to say it.
“Besides, you’re the one who wanted me to –”
He bites it off, though, because he can’t actually seem to make the words work,
suddenly.
You’re the one who wanted to watch me jerk off.
Knows that Eren knows exactly what he was getting at, though, because he’s
biting his lip even worse, his eyes blown wide. Remembers the last time they
were in this position, when Eren had asked him to – twists up into it when Eren
kisses him, and – shit, Levi can’t stop thinking about it.
“You don’t – still d-don’t have to, Levi, it’s –”
“Want to.”
He does. He actually does.
Feels Eren shiver, before he kisses him again; and then Levi’s being stripped
out of his clothes. Is pretty sure his shirt and his boxers both end up on the
floor, with how desperate Eren seems to be to get him naked. Ends up shivering
in the cool air as he leans back against the sheets, with Eren kneeling in
between his legs, a hand on each knee, and his eyes trailing down the entire
length of Levi’s body. Levi can feel himself shiver again, but this time it’s
not from the cold air.
“This really does it for you, huh.”
“Everything about you does it for me.”
And –
Alright, Levi’s pretty sure he can’t even be expected to respond to that.
Takes a breath and closes his eyes. There’s no fucking way he can look at Eren
for this.
Only realizes that it’s actually really doing it for him, too, when he wraps a
hand around himself, and has to swallow through the full-body wave of heat.
Keeps his eyes closed and bites his lip.
Fuck. 
Keeps it slow, for a moment; but his heart’s already racing, and he can hear
Eren panting, soft and shaky in the mostly silent room; and he takes a deep
breath and just – he’s done this so many times, it’s easy to slip into that
exact rhythm, easy to – he can feel the cool air against his skin, the heat
that’s already winding tight inside him – can all but feel Eren’s eyes on him,
even with his own closed, and it’s enough to make his face go hotter, the slide
of his fingers getting slicker, and – okay, yeah, this might actually work. If
Eren wants him enough to want to watch, then –
Realizes that that he’s squirming, flushing even worse, as Eren sucks in a deep
breath and shifts closer, gently pressing his knees apart – pauses, for a
moment, until Levi nods and bites his lip harder; and then Eren’s taking a
shaky breath and spreading his legs even more, making Levi’s pulse pound.
Spreading his knees and settling between his legs, so that he can trail his
fingers along his inner thighs, gentle and sweet and so very, very careful, and
– jesus, Levi can’t breathe.
“You’re fucking gorgeous.”
Eren’s voice actually cracks, like this is overwhelming for him, too; and Levi
should probably be embarrassed by the whine that slips out, but – fuck it. He’s
got nothing to prove here. Not a damn thing to – Eren’s fingers are slick when
they bump against Levi’s, wrapping around him; and Levi jerks up into it, a new
wave of heat washing down his face. He’s pretty sure he might be blushing all
the way down his chest. Tries to follow when Eren’s hand leaves – hears himself
whine, but Eren’s leaning down to kiss him, now, and Levi’s fingers are slicker
around himself, now, which – fuck, jesus, that works, that really works, that –
feels Eren’s teeth scrape – gently – along his lip; and Levi just barely
manages to nip back, flushing at the shaky little groan he gets.
“Fuck, Levi –”
It’s a bit strangled, and kind of desperate, and sounds just about as rattled
and completely overwhelmed as Levi feels; and Levi’s suddenly desperately
close. Bites a whimper and tightens his fingers, even as – jumps, a bit, when
Eren sits up again, and puts his hands on his legs. Drags his fingers all along
Levi’s inner thighs – so fucking gently – until Levi’s just about ready to cry
with it – little lines of sensation that twist up through the rest of him,
Eren’s fingers just barely touching his skin, and Eren’s breathing hot and
shaky over the sound of Levi’s own little noises –
“I mean it, Levi. You’re gorgeous.”
And –
There’s a gentle scrape of Eren’s nails, and Levi’s shaking as he comes all
over his own fingers. Can hear himself making noise as Eren groans and kisses
his knee and keeps it so fucking gentle and never once stops the soft slide of
his fingers as Levi shakes through it, his stomach tied in knots, and his heart
slamming way too hard, and – only realizes just how badly he’s fighting for air
when Eren puts a hand on his chest, and Levi can feel the rise and fall of his
hand. Keeps his eyes closed, and just concentrates on breathing; but he loses
his air all over again when Eren leans down to kiss his cheek, and – Levi can
feel him shaking.
“Okay?”
Eren sounds just about as wrecked and Levi feels, and Levi can’t quite speak.
Barely manages a nod, his chest still heaving.
Gets his fingers up into Eren’s hair and holds him there, gentle as he can, as
Eren sucks in a breath. Kisses his cheek, again, and then – still shaky –
kisses all the way down the side of his chin, and then finds his lips; and Levi
still can’t breathe. Only opens his eyes when Eren pulls away – finds Eren
looking so fucking overwhelmed that Levi can feel himself falling for him all
over again. Opens his mouth, and then closes it, with Eren still looking at him
like that, like Levi is the best thing he’s ever seen – finally just takes a
breath and pulls Eren back down on top of him, and – christ, though, he feels
wrung-out and shaky and exhausted and absolutely fucking fantastic. Feels
absolutely fucking boneless, and completely relaxed, and, shit, he loves this
kid.
Maybe they need to do that again, sometime.
“I really h-hope you don’t expect me to move for a bit.”
His voice sounds a bit raw, like Eren’s just fucked him senseless.
Can feel himself flush all over, again. Fuck, he probably never even stopped
blushing, really.
Realizes that Eren’s just kind of curled in closer, his face smushed into the
side of Levi’s neck; and Levi’s chest starts getting all achy, again. Wipes his
hand on his boxers, and then puts it on Eren’s back. Lets his fingers start to
trail along the warm skin, and feels Eren shiver against him.
“Gonna make it, kid?”
His voice still sounds all rough and fucked up, and he’s pretty sure every inch
of his body has gone boneless; and when Eren just swallows and nods and tries
to press closer, Levi closes his eyes, and – christ, did he go his entire life
without this. Without even knowing how badly he needed this. How badly he needs
this boy, right here, curled up in Levi’s arms, pressed in close like he never
wants to move again, and – fuck, they both got so lucky. They really, really
did.
“You’re really fucking awesome, you know that?”
It’s low, and soft, and Eren is definitely still hiding against his neck; and
it should be ridiculous, probably. He just got off while Eren watched, and the
word that Eren goes with is awesome – but it’s not ridiculous. Not at all. Not
with how shaky Eren’s voice is, and how tight Eren’s holding on, and how
horribly genuine he sounds; and Levi just keeps his eyes closed and holds on,
too.
“You’re really fucking awesome, too, Eren.”
It’s kind of smothered into Eren’s hair, but Levi knows that Eren hears,
because he can feel Eren swallow, before he sucks in a breath and presses his
face a bit deeper into Levi’s neck, and – alright. Just a bit longer, then.
Eren needs to shower and get his ass to the library, probably – but, just for a
few minutes more, they can stay right here, and hide away from the rest of the
world.
And then, if Eren wants him to stick around and keep him company, then Levi’ll
damn well go back to the apartment for a shower and new clothes, and then he’ll
get himself to the library, too.
Just the thought’s enough to make him smile, and his heart’s hammering in his
chest, and he still feels really fucking boneless, and Eren’s breathing right
against his neck, and – just a bit longer, then.
They can stay here for just a little bit longer.
- - -
In the end, they spend almost five hours at the library, and then another four
at Timmies.
They drag themselves out of bed, far sooner than they would have liked, with
Levi still feeling exhausted, and Eren still looking at him like he’s the best
thing ever; and then Levi ends up going home, for just a bit, before he finds a
bus, and heads off to join Eren again. Brings his sketchpad and his pencils and
ends up sitting across from Eren for hours and hours, with both of them barely
saying a word, and their feet all tangled together under the table, as Eren
works away on his study notes. Sits there and works his way through book after
book, while Levi just sits there and silently sketches; and they stay at the
library until it closes, and then they go to Timmies, instead. Get themselves
some coffee, and settle back into their easy silence, broken only by Eren’s
quiet little mutterings to himself, and the gentle scratch of their pencils,
and – every once and a while, Levi looks up to find Eren smiling at him, or
Eren catches Levi doing the same; and Levi spends most of the day with a smile
on his lips, and butterflies in his stomach.
Keeps Eren silent company while he works, and then quizzes him, too, whenever
Eren asks for the help. Makes sure to keep their legs tangled together, and
occasionally rubs his thumb against Eren’s hand, or reaches over to play with
his bangs, and – it works, it works so well. They’ve got it down a routine,
now, where Eren will study, and Levi will keep him company, and help in any way
he can; and it just feels so – comforting. Comforting, and safe; and Levi’s so
fucking lucky, shit. So lucky; and he knows that Eren feels the same, and it’s
all just so – ends up with his fingers laced into Eren’s, as they sit there at
their table at fucking midnight, and Eren just bites his lip and recites off
answers to basically everything that Levi asks him, his brow furrowed and his
fingers around Levi’s; and then he fucking smiles at Levi, bright and beautiful
and happy, and –
Two weeks. Two more weeks, and then it’s summer.
In the meantime, though, Levi’s going to do exactly this.
Going to help in any way that he can, and make sure that Eren knows that he’s
not going through this alone – and if that means drinking coffee at fucking
midnight and keeping Eren company while he studies, then it’s yet another
reason for why Levi’s the luckiest bastard on the planet.
***** Chapter 29 *****
The next few days crawl by.
Drag on in a way that makes Levi’s skin itch.
Eren’s in the worst of his exams, and there’s really nothing that Levi can do,
anymore. Texts him whatever support he can, and spends the rest of his time
trying to not worry too much. He knows that Eren’s got both Mikasa and Armin
right there with him, at least, which helps a bit; but Levi wants to be there,
too. Wants to – well, at least he’ll damn well be there when Eren’s done his
last exam. If Eren wants Levi in his fucking high school parking lot, then
Levi’s gonna be there.
It’s only when he’s actually there that he starts getting nervous.
The skies are a rather dark shade of grey – which is perfect, actually, for
what he has planned; because he’s been wanting to take Eren on some kind of
rain date for a while, and right now seems just about perfect, as long as
Eren’s not too tired – and he ends up leaning up against a bike-rack and
watching the students file out, most of them looking too tired to walk, and –
okay, he knows that he’s wanted, here, but it’s still a little weird. Levi
hasn’t been to a high school in over a decade, which is just – to hell with it,
though. Eren wants him here. That’s all that matters, it’s –
But what if Eren had only been talking about next year?
It’s a thought that makes Levi go very still.
Eren’s not legal yet. Next year, he will be.
That’s… that could be a very crucial difference.
And Levi spares one last glance at the students before he turns and leaves the
parking lot as quickly as he can. Makes it around a building and then leans
against the wall, suddenly feeling so horribly stupid it’s actually
embarrassing. He’s gotten over being this hopeless– had thought he had, at
least – and he can actually feel his teeth fucking grit together as he pulls
out his phone.
So I came to meet you as an end of exam celebration and then I realized that
you might have been talking about next year and now I’m kind of just hiding
around the corner from your school.
He stares at his phone, for a moment, after he hits send. Then, he turns and
presses his forehead against the wall, closing his eyes as the wave of
embarrassment washes through him. Only realizes that hiding around the corner
isn’t exactly much to go on when he opens his eyes to send another text – and
finds Eren leaning against the wall, his arms crossed, and his expression –
christ, he looks exhausted;even through his smile – so fond that Levi almost
needs to look away.
“I, um, saw you beat your strategic retreat.”
“Of – of c-course you –”
Whatever he was going to say, though, it gets lost when Eren drops his backpack
to the ground, and pushes himself off the wall. Steps in close and wraps his
arms around him, and Levi – it’s like every bit of stress just bleeds out of
him. Like he can breathe again. Ends up with his face buried in his shoulder,
and one of Eren’s hands on his back, with the other threading up through his
hair.
“You’re the sweetest fucking boyfriend in the whole world, you know.”
Eren barely breathes it, but Levi hears it.
It’s enough to make it even harder to breathe. Certainly makes it impossible to
talk. All he can do is press closer, his heart slamming in his chest, and his
stupid stomach fluttering all over.
“I don’t care I the entire world knows, Levi. I really don’t. I’m – you make me
happy, and you’re so good to me, and – and anyone who has a problem with us can
just take their judgement and –”
“You make me happy, too.”
It’s a damn good thing his face is in Eren’s shoulder, with how hot his face
is.
And when Eren simply sucks in a breath and tugs him closer, Levi just lets
himself be tugged.
Stands there, feeling Eren’s heart slam against him, until Eren pulls back just
far enough to look at him. Puts a hand on Levi’s cheek, his lips curved up in
this sweet little smile; and Levi can feel himself smile back, even as he
realizes – shit, has – has Eren gotten taller? Shit, he totally –
Fuck. This is ridiculous.
And Levi’s heart has gotten tangled somewhere up in his throat.
“You – I-I think you’ve gotten taller, you little –”
“Been six months, darling. I may well have.”
Six months.
God. 
And there it is, again, too, darling, so just casually slipped in there;and if
this is going to become a thing then Levi is going to be so screwed, and – six
months though, god. How has it already been that long? Six months since – since
Eren had walked into his life and fixed things that Levi hadn’t even known were
broken. Had molded himself against the sharp edges of Levi’s life, smoothing
down all the rough spots that Levi had been scraping himself against for far
too long, and - something of what he’s thinking must be on his face, probably,
because Eren looks almost embarrassed, suddenly.
Looks a little bit shy, and really goddamn pleased; and Levi leans up to brush
their lips together, just barely. Feels the way Eren sighs, as their foreheads
press together, and – fuck, how did they make it this far. All the shit they’ve
gotten through – both together, and before that – and here they are, together,
with the entire damn summer lying out in front of them.
God, they’re so lucky.
“Congrats on being done your exams.”
It’s right against Eren’s lips, and he can feel Eren’s smile, soft and sweet
against Levi’s mouth, even as his hands slide along Levi’s back, fingers
dipping up under his shirt – and then, suddenly, Eren’s pulling away to smother
a yawn, going bright red behind the hand he has over his mouth; and Levi’s
going to strain something if he grins any wider. Pretty sure it’s more like a
smirk.
“Wow, Eren. Way to ruin the –”
“Oh, god, shut up,you –”
“You’re really kind of horribly cute, you know that?”
“Levi –”
“So does that mean you’re too tired to celebrate, then? Cause, I mean, if you
wanna just go back to the shelter and crash, I will totally get –”
“You planned something?”
It sounds so hopeful – even with the way Eren’s still bright red – that Levi’s
stomach flips over, and – okay, he suddenly doesn’t feel so cocky, anymore.
Feels pretty fucking embarrassed, again; which is stupid, because there is
literally no reason to. Not with Eren looking at him like that.
“I, um. Yeah. I was thinking – beach. If you wanna –”
“It – it’s going to rain, though –”
“I am very much aware.”
It doesn’t sound as dry as he’d been going for. And Eren’s looking so bright-
eyed and happy, like Levi’s given him the world; and, okay, if Eren starts
crying, then Levi is gonna be so fucked.
“You – you wanna go play at the beach with me. In the rain.”
“Okay, shut up, there’s no need to –”
“We – we will probably literally have the whole beach to ourselves, oh my god
–”
“So that’s a yes, I take it?”
“Of course, it’s – I mean, I may fall asleep on ya, but – yes, I’m so down for
–”
“Holding hands as we stroll along a deserted beach in a fucking torrential
downpour?”
He’s still not managing to sound as dry as he’s going for, and he’s pretty sure
his cheeks are still a bit too red; and then Eren is – not quite picking him
up, suddenly, but it’s close.
Because Eren’s wrapped his arms around him, squeezing him against his chest;
and all Levi can do is balance there as best he can, his face going hotter and
his heart fucking skipping around like crazy. Lets Eren bury his face in Levi’s
neck, his arms – okay, normally Eren’s arms are around him with Levi’s face is
in his chest, but this is definitely Levi up on his tiptoes with his arms slung
over Eren’s shoulders and Eren just kind of hiding in his neck – and, wow, Levi
could really get used to this, too. Tightens his arms around Eren as much as he
can, breathing through the sudden wave of protectiveness, his throat pulling a
bit too tight.
“Long month, kid?”
Eren’s only response is a nod, right against his neck, and to tighten his grip;
and Levi lets them stand there for as long as he can manage before he goes back
down on flat feet and tugs free, though he makes sure his fingers slip right
into Eren’s. Holds on as Eren blushes and stares at the ground, before he
raises his eyes again, grinning and biting his lip and looking so happy,and –
Yeah, wow, Levi’s the luckiest fucker ever.
“Come on, t-then. Let’s go – let’s celebrate summer by – by playing in the
fucking rain, jesus –”
“You’re the best, ya know.”
“Damn r-right I am. Now, how about we get going before, god forbid, the sun
comes back out –”
Eren’s fingers squeezing around his cut him off, and Levi can feel himself
biting his damn lip.
Closes his eyes when Eren leads in to kiss his forehead, smiling against his
skin, and –
Okay, just a couple more minutes, then. They can stay here just a little
longer.
Besides, it’s Vancouver. It’s not like the sun is actually going to come back
out.
And if splashing around at the beach in a downpour will make Eren happy, then
Levi will stand in the fucking rain for however long Eren wants them to be
there.
- - -
Levi was right. The sun doesn’t come out.
In fact, it fucking pours.
And if Levi maybe really actually enjoys himself, then it’s all Eren’s fault.
In the end, after a ridiculous amount of time spent up to their knees in the
water, splashing each other and chasing each other around like a couple of
idiots, Eren finally takes his hands and kisses him – kisses him right there in
the damn rain, with water running down their faces – and then he tugs Levi down
into the sand with him. Ends up with Levi lying on top of him, the rain
slamming down against his back; until Eren rolls them over and wraps his arms
around Levi, keeping him protected, as Eren sighs in a way that just sounds
absolutely soul-deep happy, and –
Levi’s not sure how long they lie there – the sand is cold beneath him, but
Eren’s warm, on top, keeping him safe – and he honestly doesn’t care. There’s a
shower and hot chocolate waiting for them at home. For now, he wants to just
lie here and hold on tight as Eren smiles against his damp skin, his arms
wrapped tight around him and the rain just fucking pouring down all around
them.
- - -
Later that night, they end up curled up under a massive pile of blankets in
Mike’s bed.
Levi had gotten a text from Erwin, telling him that he and Mike had been called
out of town to a last-minute conference, and that their bed would be available
for a couple of days; and Eren and Levi had bee-lined it back to the apartment.
Hanji – who’d been sitting in the middle of the living room, packing things
into boxes – had merely taken in how soaked they were and sniggered at them;
and then Eren and Levi had stumbled into the bathroom, dumped all their soaked
clothes on the floor, and pretty much fallen into the shower. Had ended up just
standing there wrapped up around each other for a good long while, the hot
water pounding down on them; until Levi had shivered for an entirely new
reason, and Eren had bit his lip and kissed him, gently, before pulling away,
though he kept his hands on Levi’s elbows, his smile a bit shaky, and – Levi
had wanted to say to hell with it, but he couldn’t. Not when Hanji right down
the hall.
Had ended up pulling away to find them towels, and had then gone to find Eren
some clothes; and now they’re curled up under the blankets together, warmed
straight through and wrapped up close around each other, and – Levi’s skin is
way too hot, and he wants to just strip the clothes right back off Eren again,
wants to – can feel the restless tension thrumming through Eren, too.
“Six more days, right? Until you move?”
Eren’s voice sounds a little strained. Levi feels the words right through him,
and swallows.
“Yeah.”
“Ka.”
Eren’s voice is kind of horribly breathless, and Levi swallows, again. Squeezes
in closer and just kind of hides his face in Eren’s shoulder, his skin going
even hotter, and – six days. They can make it six more days. And then they’ll
have their own glorious bedroom all to themselves.
But, until then, they have this bed for a couple of nights, at least; and Levi
intends to make the most of it. Intends to cuddle Eren until he’s practically
boneless. Swallows, and squirms closer.
Six days. They can make it six more days.
- - -
It ends up being six really goddamn long days.
Erwin and Mike get stuck in Victoria when Erwin’s car suddenly fucking conks
out, which leaves Levi and Hanji in charge of packing up the entire apartment
on their own. That same day, the other call center custodian sprains their
ankle – nothing too serious, thankfully, but it does leave literally nobody but
Levi to cover for them – and Levi ends up working all six days. Just about
slips and wipes himself out, too, when someone leaves a puddle of juice on the
back steps; and when Levi’s done steadying himself on the railing, he spends
the rest of his shift ignoring the twinge in his back from how awkwardly he’d
caught himself. Ends up just fucking making it worse as he works double-shift
and helps Hanji move boxes and furniture at the same damn time.
Eren, of course, is amazing, and helps as much as he can, too, whenever he’s
not working; but now that he’s done school, he’s already into his full-time
hours; and he’s pretty busy, himself. Mostly, the packing falls to Hanji and
Levi, until Erwin and Mike finally make it back on the very last day of the
month, with Erwin’s car fixed and both of them having missed out on several
days’ worth of pay. Most people would be a bit cranky, probably; but Erwin and
Mike just take one look at the apartment – it’s a controlled mess, sure, but a
mess nevertheless; because moving several years’ worth of stuff was always
going to be a bit chaotic – and then they just start moving furniture; and Levi
can’t stop the sigh of relief as he closes his eyes and sits down on the couch,
and just – he needs to sit there. Just for a minute. His bones had already been
hurting from hauling garbage all day, and he just needs a couple of minutes –
and then he’ll get up and help again.
Only realizes that he’s probably been sitting there a bit too long when Hanji
and Mike’s voices trail off into the kitchen, and then there’s a hand ruffling
through his hair, and Erwin’s sitting down beside him, their elbows bumping
together as Erwin leans against him; and Levi doesn’t even have the energy to
put up a cranky pretense. Just keeps his eyes closed and leans right back
against Erwin, too, whatever little strength he had seeming to just suddenly
seep right out of him.
“You look like shit.”
“And your on-call hiring practices suck.”
And – yeah, okay, he doessound exhausted, wow. And he can practically hear
Erwin frowning.
“Why? What happened?”
“Other custodian sprained an ankle. I’ve been covering. Good times –”
“But –”
“Hanji tried. Got in touch with the temp pool. Couldn’t find anyone. I’m in the
next couple of days, too –”
The noise that Erwin makes sounds miserable, and quite probably like he’s
blaming himself for something that he had no control over; and Levi can’t stop
the smile, suddenly, even through how tired he is. Breathes through the wave of
affection, and tugs his legs up on the couch and kind of just leans closer,
because, to hell with it, he’s never had a goddamn thing to prove, here, anyway
– and Erwin doesn’t say a word. Just wraps an arm around him and tugs him
closer, and –
Shit, Levi’s gotten so lucky.
He gets to live with these three dorks, and he has Eren.
In the grand scheme of it all, pulling a really shitty work week really doesn’t
matter that much.
“I’ll get in touch with one of our exterior staffing agencies.”
Erwin still sounds pretty fucking miserable, and Levi manages to shake his
head, though opening his eyes seems like a bit too much work. Shit, though, he
really doesn’t want to work tomorrow.
“You – alright, I won’t lie, yeah, that’d be great, but if you can’t find
someone, it’s fine, I’ll –”
“Nobody should work eight days straight, Levi.”
“Pretty sure I don’t do anything straight.”
“You – that is – that is so old, oh my god –”
But Erwin’s smiling now, at least, so Levi counts it as a win; and he smirks to
himself, too, and finally opens his eyes, and – Erwin looks pretty shitty, too,
even through the smile. The smudges under his eyes are kind of way too dark,
actually, like maybe he’s been working way too hard, too; and Levi takes a
breath as his stomach pulls tight, and then he nudges Erwin with his shoulder
and gets back to his feet. The sooner they get this done, the sooner they can
all take a break.
“Come on, then, blondie. Let’s help those two get this place ready to go.”
“Think we’ll be set by tomorrow?”
“Well, not if you’re gonna sit there and be lazy, we won’t.”
“I – I literally just dismantled a table –”
“Oh, good. One less thing for me to do, then.”
“You’re a jackass.”
“Your jackass, though.”
He knows that his grin is obnoxious, but it must work, because Erwin’s looking
even more amused, now; and Levi smirks a bit more, and then turns and goes back
to the – whatever the fuck he was packing. Was he packing towels? He’s pretty
sure he was packing towels. They’ve disappeared, though, so someone else must
have – whatever. There’s still plenty more shit to pack. And then they gotta
start loading stuff into the moving van, too, which he’s pretty sure Hanji’s
gone to pick up, and –
It’s okay, though. They just gotta get all this done; and then, by tomorrow
night, they’ll be in their new place, and – Levi’s pretty sure he might lie on
his bedroom floor and hug it for a while.
Six months has been a long time to sleep on a couch.
- - -
By the time the next day is done, Levi can barely move.
Erwin doesn’t find someone to cover him, and neither Eren nor Erwin are at
work; and Levi’s day is fucking miserable. The fact that he’s coming home to
his own bedroom helps a fuck of a lot, thankfully; but the physical work is
still just as real, and Levi’s shoulders are aching as he stumbles onto the
bus. Makes it back to the apartment in time to help Mike get the last of the
furniture loaded into the van – Erwin and Hanji are already gone, with Erwin’s
car presumably stuffed full of stuff – and then Levi ends up standing in the
empty living room while Mike stares around. Watches Mike, for a second; and
then Levi turns and walks outside, sitting down on the steps.
It was his home for two months. It was Mike and Hanji’s for three years.
Levi imagines that that’s got to sting, a bit, even if Mike’s going to
something much better.
Ends up sitting there for about five minutes until Mike wanders back out; and
Levi doesn’t quite know what to say as he gets to his feet, but Mike’s lips
have already twisted into this little grin.
“Hanji said their goodbyes earlier. Guess I still needed to.”
“Hey, well, don’t rush on my account.”
“Nah, s’fine, it’s not like I wanna stay, it’s just – it’s weird how we get
attached to places, isn’t it?”
He’s still smiling, a bit, though, and he doesn’t look all that sad about it,
really; and Levi ponders it, for a second, and then shrugs. Shoves his hands
into his pockets and stares at the closed door.
“I – Erwin’s couch just about killed me, but I was really fucking sad to see it
go.”
“You got really damn acquainted with that couch, didn’t you?”
“Four months, man. Your boyfriend’s a fucking saint.”
“Yeah, he’s pretty goddamn wonderful, isn’t he.”
Mike’s full-on grinning, now, this big, stupid, happy grin, with horrible
little cartoon hearts practically dancing around his head; and Levi can’t stop
a snort, but he’s smiling, too. Bumps Mike with his elbow, and gets a smirk out
of him; before Mike reaches down and picks up his bag.
“Alright. Let’s get out of here, then. We’ve got our new future to go put
together.”
And – Levi kind of wants to make some quip about how putting their future
together is basically going to involve unpacking everything they just spent
days packing – but he can’t quite do it, somehow. Not when his heart is doing
something stupid, and he feels a bit like he’s flying. Just manages a nod, and
gets another smile out of Mike; before Mike locks the door, and Levi climbs up
into the passenger’s side of the van, his stomach flipping as Mike takes them
out of the driveway.
A new future to put together.
Yeah. 
He likes the sounds of that.
And it’s all been worth it – all of it, every damn second – if it’s gotten Levi
to where he is, and –
His chest is fucking aching as he pulls out his phone.
Hello, stupidly perfect boyfriend. I’m an exhausted and overworked wreck, but
we’re officially moved into the new place. You wanna wander over at any point
tonight, you’re always welcome. <3
He’s lame as fuck, probably; but it doesn’t even matter.
Eren loves him for it, after all.
And – they’ve all got themselves a beautiful new home, now, which finally
includes his own wonderful goddamn bedroom for him and Eren to come home to –
and if everything that he’s been through has gotten him to where he is right
now, then he wouldn’t change a fucking second of it.
- - -
By the time they get to their new place, Erwin’s already got sheets on Levi’s
mattress.
Levi stands in the room and stares at it, Hanji and Mike’s voices muted out in
the main room.
He hadn’t even seen the place, yet. Had just trusted his friends to find
somewhere.
It’s perfect.
He has a bed and a dresser and a window, and Erwin’s put all of Levi’s bags in
the corner of the room.
Levi can feel the tears pricking at his eyes.
“The three of us can lug the rest of the stuff inside. We’re not even gonna
unpack ’til tomorrow, anyway.”
Erwin’s voice is soft, from the doorway behind him. Levi barely manages a nod.
“I found someone to cover for ya tomorrow, too, so – if you wanna just chill in
here and get settled in –”
“You sure y-you guys –”
“Nah, s’alright, Levi, we got it. Just – let us know if you need anything,
okay?”
Levi manages another nod. Turns to find Erwin smiling at him, before he closes
the door behind him – and Levi goes back to just standing there.
Stares at his room, for a long moment; and then he takes a deep breath, wipes a
hand across his eyes, and lies down his stomach. Shoves his face into the
mattress, inhaling the clean smell of laundry detergent; and then he twists his
fingers into the sheets and just holds on as tight as he can, squeezing his
eyes shut as the tears finally start to come.
- - -
He drifts off.
Knows that he does, because when he wakes up, again, it’s because Eren’s
climbing into his bed.
He smells fresh and clean, too, and his hair’s a bit damp.
“Sorry, darling. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
It’s barely a whisper, and Levi’s voice isn’t working right. He just shakes his
head, and turns to burrow into Eren’s chest. Presses his face there as Eren
pulls him closer, arms tight around him.
“Go to sleep, alright? I’ll be here in the morning.”
“Eren…”
“Shh, sleepyhead, it’s fine. Love you, ka?”
“Love you, too.”
He sounds – feels – like he’s about ready to start crying, again.
Squeezes his eyes shut and holds on to Eren, swallowing as Eren tightens his
arms around him.
He’s got this boy, and his friends, and this room, and his new job.
Maybe he really finally can rest for a bit.
***** Chapter 30 *****
Chapter Notes
     First off, my apologies for the hella long wait on this chapter - RL
     has been absolutely crazy. Hope that all the cuteness and fluff makes
     up for the wait. :)
     And secondly - thank you so much to everyone who's been so incredibly
     encouraging while I've been writing this chapter. You all are the
     absolute best, and I honestly appreciate all the support and kind
     words more than I can possibly say. <3
     - - -
     Kink advisory: mild voyeurism, hair pulling, mild hints of masochism,
     brief sub!Levi mindset, biting, lovebites, scratching, bruises, sappy
     dirty talk, and did I mention all the fluff and cuddling
When Levi wakes up again, Eren’s still sound asleep beside him.
Completely passed out, with his hair a mess on the pillow, and his expression
utterly relaxed.
Levi has to stare at him for a moment before he can slide out from under the
covers.
His phone is showing just barely six am – maybe not that surprising, seeing as
he passed out pretty early on in the evening – and he takes a minute to lie
there and look around his room, before he gets to his feet as quietly as he
can. Stands there, for a second – he has beautiful wood floors, god, how is
this real? – before he takes one last glance at Eren and slips out of the room,
closing the door as quietly as he can behind him, and – he wouldn’t be
surprised if Eren sleeps all day, actually. Hell, the kid’s barely been out of
school for a week. He must still be exhausted.
It’s a thought that makes his heart clench, and then Levi swallows and starts
wandering.
He’ll have plenty of time to spend in his room. For now, he doesn’t want to
risk waking Eren.
Wanders around the silent house, instead. Is pretty glad there’s no one around
to see him every time he wipes at his eyes, his throat closing up and his chest
aching. The kitchen is massive, with cool white tile and plenty of cupboard
space; and the sitting area already has both couches in it, both of them
covered high with boxes; and everything is just so wonderfully open concept and
clean and there’s light coming in through the many windows, all throughout the
house; and Levi has to stop, at one point, and get himself together again.
Remembers, distantly, that Hanji had said something about a north-facing deck,
even; and it ends up not being hard to find, and –
He’s not the only one, apparently, though. Because Erwin’s already awake, too,
leaning against the railing, with the fucking mountains right there in front of
him, stretching up towards the sky.
Levi has to breathe through it all again before he slides the glass door open.
Shivers when the wind sweeps across the yard and against his skin. It’s still
barely light out, but it’s more than enough. The view is one of the most
gorgeous things he’s ever seen in his life. And Erwin shoots him a little
sideways smile when Levi steps up to lean against the railing beside him. Steps
up beside him and stares at their yard, god, it’s so fucking  gorgeous ; and
then he clears his throat and looks down at the mug of tea that Erwin’s got
cradled between his hands.
“So, that looks warm and yummy.”
“There’s a kettle inside, you know.”
“Oh? Must have missed it under all the boxes.”
He’s such an ass, he really is; but Erwin’s already rolling his eyes and
nudging the tea over. It  is  yummy. Levi doesn’t even know what the hell it
is, but it warms him straight through, before he sets it back down on the
railing again, and they end up standing there in silence. Staring out at the
gorgeous yard – even in the dim morning light, Levi can see a squirrel running
across the fence; and there’s some kind of fire pit, even, with some chairs
around it – and he takes another sip of the tea, and then hands it back to
Erwin, who’s got this little smile like he’s just as happy as Levi is, right
now, and – Levi sucks in another breath as his heart does something stupid.
Shit, they actually made it.
“So, we – we finally made it, huh.”
“Indeed we did.”
Erwin’s still smiling that happy little smile, and Levi watches a bird swoop
down low over their yard. Looks down as he draws his fingers across the deck
railing. Their deck railing. Christ.
“Your boyfriend still asleep?”
Levi manages a nod. Thinks of Eren sprawled out in his bed, exhausted and happy
and probably drooling on the fucking pillow and hogging all the blankets; and,
shit,  Levi loves him  so much.
“Yeah, I don’t think Mike’s planning on moving any time soon, either. He seems
pretty fond of that bed.”
“I bet. And now you two get to be all cute and domestic together.”
“’Bout fucking time. Turns out we’ve both been being chicken shit. He wanted to
ask me to move in with him years ago, but he just kind of – didn’t. And I’ve
been a big old coward, too.”
“But you two finally got it together, though.”
“We did. And we get you and Hanji, too. Pretty stellar, that.”
Erwin’s still smiling, and Levi should let it go. Shouldn’t go there. Shouldn’t
ask the one thing that’s been getting to him, just a bit, since they all
decided to get this place, but – he needs to know.
“So, um, why  did  you and Mike want us here, anyway? I mean, it’s not like
you’d have any problem affording some gorgeous place together, just the two of
you, so – why would –”
“Mike hated the thought of leaving Hanji, and I hated the thought of leaving
you.”
“But –”
“Also, well, you know that thing you told me, the last time you were hammered?”
Oh,  god.
Levi’s expression is probably doing something really stupid. He kind of wants
to bury his face in his hands. Either that, or he needs their lovely new deck
to just open up and swallow him whole.
“Um. Yeah, no, how about we don’t –”
“About how you’d been afraid of losing me –”
“Oh, god, I  hate  you,  so  much, just so you –”
"Well, that’s always gone both ways, Levi. I know I’ve said it before, but –
honestly, I’d have never made it without you and Mike.”
Erwin’s still smiling down at his stupid cup of tea, and Levi has to take a
deep, steadying breath. Laces his fingers together, where they’re resting on
the deck railing. The wood’s just a bit damp, under his hands; and the squirrel
on the far side of the yard is suddenly fascinating to stare at.
“You – I-I think you underestimate your resourcefulness.”
“And I think  you  underestimate just how important you are. To all of us.”
“Erwin –”
“I  mean  it. And –”
“I  know  you do, okay, and – and I’m getting better at that, alright? At – not
feeling like that.”
“I thought you might be. Eren’s been really good for you, hasn’t he?”
“You’re an asshole.”
It’s hard to sulk, though, when he wants to smile. And Erwin gives him one last
grin and nudges him with his elbow before he pushes himself off the railing and
picks up his cup of tea again.
“Alright. I need to go curl up around Mike some more. Cleaning supplies are in
the hallway closet. Try not to clean too hard and scrub the shine off anything
while we’re all asleep, okay?”
“Still an asshole.”
“Yeah, well, this asshole already took the time to make you a goddamn cleaning
closet, so –”
“Alright, less of an asshole.”
The look Erwin gives him is that exasperated one where he somehow manages to
look fond of Levi’s entire existence, and Levi gives him a grin back, before
Erwin turns and takes his tea and heads back inside. Leaves Levi standing there
with nothing but the wind and the sound of the birds waking up; and he’s not
surprised to find his eyes getting all damp and itchy again when he turns back
around and goes back to staring at the mountains, his arms resting on the cool
railing.
This is real. All of it.
And he’ll do whatever he has to do to keep this.
- - -
By well into the afternoon, Eren’s still asleep.
Everyone else has long since gone to work, and Levi’s ended up on the deck
again.
He’d scrubbed down the kitchen and got some of their stuff unpacked and
organized, and then he’d moved on to the bathroom. Had snuck back into his room
just long enough to grab everything he needed for a shower, and then he’d spent
a good half an hour scrubbing down the tub – god, they have a giant clawfoot
tub, and everything, it’s just  gorgeous  – and then another half an hour
soaking in it. Had finally showered himself off and gone back to unpacking
things, sitting on the living room floor with his mp3 player hooked up to
Erwin’s sound system, his music turned low and his heart somewhere up in his
throat as he’d stared around the room; but, eventually, no matter how nice the
inside of their house was, he’d ended up back on the deck again.
He’s pretty sure he’s going to spend a hell of a lot of time out here.
It’s a decently cool day, for July; and Levi just kind of stares helplessly out
across their yard before he climbs up on the railing. Braces his hands on
either side of him, and sits there with his legs hanging over the grass. Keeps
himself in place against the railing as the wind blows softly against him, and
the birds just keep on singing, up in the trees that line the sides of the
yard, and –
Levi could probably sit here forever.
Knows just how lucky he is to be here.
He’s got this house, and this view; and that beautiful, beautiful boy, inside,
waiting for him.
And six months ago he was just shy of homeless and didn’t even know that Eren
existed.
The thought has barely had time to settle in him – god, that fucking  hurts  –
when there’s the sound of the door sliding open behind him, and Levi twists
around to find Eren standing there.
His hair’s sticking up in every direction, and he’s wearing nothing but boxers
and one of Levi’s sweaters. Standing there smiling at Levi, soft and sweet,
with his cheeks gone a bit pink, and –
Levi aches right down to his bones, suddenly.
“Oh, god. Guess I must’ve been pretty zonked, huh?”
His grin is maybe a bit shy, even; and then he raises a hand, trying – and
failing – to fix the mess of hair on his head; and Levi slides off the railing
so quickly it’s a miracle he doesn’t fall right off.
Takes two steps across the deck and kisses the surprised little squeak right
out of Eren’s mouth.
Ends up with his hands cupping Eren’s cheeks, as he kisses him as gently as he
can – keeps it slow, his heart racing, until he flicks his tongue against
Eren’s lips, and gets a groan; and it takes everything he has to pull back.
Doesn’t even have to look up to meet his eyes. Eren’s slid down against the
door, a bit, and they’re eye-to-eye, with next to no space in between them –
and Eren looks every inch an overwhelmed teenager, suddenly. Wide-eyed, with
his mouth hanging open; and Levi can feel the flush creep across his cheeks.
Christ, Eren’s barely awake, and here Levi is, trying to jump him.
“Um – sorry, I just –”
“So, uh, I hear you’ve got this really sweet new bed that you need to break
in.”
Eren’s voice cracks, towards the end; and Levi closes his eyes, squeezing them
tightly shut.
His heart is doing something really painful in his chest, and his lungs aren’t
working right, and –  shit,  he tastes toothpaste, even. Eren literally took
the time to  brush his teeth  before finding him.
Christ, Levi loves this boy so fucking much.
“Also, you don’t ever need to apologize for jumping my bones, darling.”
Eren still sounds a bit shaky, and his hands are on Levi’s cheeks, now; and
when his thumbs brush – so fucking carefully – across Levi’s eyelids, it’s way
more than Levi’s able to deal with. Has to tighten his hands on Eren’s hips,
his knees suddenly not quite holding him up properly.
“Eren…”
“C’mon, Levi. I think you and I have done enough waiting.”
Eren’s fingers slide up to brush his bangs as he says it – christ, Levi will
never  be over that, it gets him  every fucking time  – and when Levi gets his
eyes open, he can’t do anything but stare. Stands there like an idiot – Eren’s
so fucking  gorgeous,  with his smile and his pink cheeks and that stupid
goddamn bedhead – until Eren’s lips twitch up a bit more, and he reaches down
to take Levi’s hand, linking their fingers together; and Levi takes a breath
and just lets himself be tugged.
Just clings a bit helplessly to Eren’s hand as Eren leads him down the hall.
It’s kind of like that first time, maybe, that Levi had shown up at the
shelter, and Eren had just taken his hand and gotten them to where they needed
to be; but this time it’s not the shelter.
This time, it’s Levi’s  home.
His own beautiful new home, with his own bedroom, and a door that locks, and
everything.
And Levi’s heart is slamming by the time he locks that door behind them.
Thankfully, he doesn’t have a chance to have a meltdown, though, because Eren’s
already stripping his clothes off him. Slowly, carefully, with hands that
shake, he tugs off everything until Levi’s down to his boxers. Steps back and
does the same with his own clothes. Doesn’t stop at underwear – stands there
naked in the middle of Levi’s room; and Levi can feel his fingers twitch – and
then he’s stepping back in to press his face against Levi’s neck, hand sliding
down to cup him through his boxers; and Levi just closes his eyes and counts on
Eren to hold him up.
Bites down a whine when Eren slides to his knees and tugs Levi’s boxers off,
before he gets to his feet again, and presses Levi back against the door, with
– there’s nothing between them, now, and Levi is possibly going to
spontaneously combust. Hears Eren suck in a breath; and then Eren slides his
arms around Levi and rests his chin on the top of Levi’s head, sweet and fond
and like they’re not right in the middle of rubbing against each other; and
Levi’s knees just about give up.
“Eren…”
Eren’s response is a gentle kiss, right against Levi’s forehead; and Levi’s
barely done trying to breathe through that before Eren’s walking backwards, and
tugging Levi with him. Goes down on his ass on the side of the bed, sitting
there and blinking up at Levi as Levi stares down at him; and then Eren tugs on
his hands and spread his legs, in an unmistakable attempt to get Levi in
between them; and Levi’s heart is slamming as he steps forward, and – yeah,
that’s pretty clear, what Eren’s going for here. Levi’s dick is basically right
in his face. And Levi ends up putting his hands on Eren’s shoulders and digging
his fingers in as Eren’s hand slides down to cup his balls. Probably leaves
nail marks in Eren’s skin when Eren leans forward and presses his mouth against
his stomach, arms sliding around him to brace against his ass and pull Levi
closer and  holy shit.
Levi really probably shouldn’t be standing for this.
Realizes he’s digging his fingers into Eren’s shoulder as Eren kisses his way
across his stomach – slowly, though; so fucking slowly it’s maddening – and
then moves lower, until his lips are wrapped around him, warm and wet and
tight; and Levi’s legs aren’t quite holding steady any more.
“Eren – Eren, holy  shit,  oh my god –”
Eren’s response is a low humming sound that could maybe be acknowledgement, but
more than anything just makes Levi’s head spin; and then Eren’s pulling back
with a lick, and staring up at him. Wraps his fingers around him, instead, and
gives him a slow slide of his fingers, just damp enough; and he doesn’t look
away while he does it,  god,  Levi’s just about biting through his lip – and
then Eren leans forward, lips damp around him as Levi hardens further in his
mouth; and Levi’s eyes want to close, but he manages to keep them open. Manages
to watch as he puts his fingers on Eren’s hollowed cheek, not missing the way
Eren blushes bright red at the touch, which – so maybe Eren likes to be
watched, too, as much as he likes to watch – and then Eren’s tongue flicks
across the head of Levi’s dick, and the way Levi shudders gets a shaky smile
from Eren.
"You, uh, having some trouble standing there?”
Eren doesn’t sound anything close to cocky. Sounds pretty fucking overwhelmed,
actually.
For a second, Levi can’t speak. His heart’s all tangled up in his chest.
Fuck, he could stare at Eren’s mouth like this forever.
“You – your f-fault. You put us in this position.”
“So I did.”
His fingers are sliding around to cup Levi’s ass; and Levi swallows a whimper
as Eren squeezes, before his hands slide away, again, fingers trailing gently
down the back of his thighs; and then Eren’s fingers are back in his, and he’s
tugging, obviously trying to lean back against the bed, and – he’s still bright
pink, and looks just about as rattled as Levi feels, even through his little
smile.
“C’mon. Let’s get you horizontal, then.”
For a second, Levi almost goes with it. It would be so easy to just sprawl on
top of Eren and kiss him until he can’t breathe.
But they’re in a pretty damn good position for something, else, too; and he
sucks in a breath, his knees aching at the thought, even as his dick twitches
and heat sweeps straight through his body.
Yeah, this is happening.
He’d wanted his chance to take Eren apart. Maybe he can finally make good on
that.
And the inevitable ache in his knees is worth it for the look on Eren’s face
when Levi tugs his hands away and slides to his knees between Eren’s legs.
Braces himself against the cool wood floor and then gently spreads Eren’s legs,
trying to breathe through how much his dick is aching.
“Levi…”
It should be a bit scary, maybe, how Levi could happily stay down here, right
where he is, for as long as Eren wants him there – but with Eren’s fingers
twisting in his hair, it just – it isn’t scary.
And Levi’s heart is jumping all over as he presses a kiss against Eren’s leg.
Feels Eren twitch, a bit, under the touch. Keeps it soft as he drags his lips
down further, flicking his tongue across Eren’s inner thigh – nearly gets his
hair tugged out when he scrapes his teeth, just barely, before licking across
the exact same spot again. Goes back to gentle, again, his fingers holding
Eren’s legs in place, as Eren tries to twist closer, can’t seem to stay still –
and Levi knows that his cheeks are hot. Knows that this is near reverent,
almost – he’s on his knees with Eren’s dick brushing his cheek, or bumping
against his chin, but Levi’s pressing kisses all along his thighs, instead –
everywhere but where Eren really needs him to be – and, yeah, it’s teasing, but
it’s also sappy as fuck; but he’s pretty sure he can get away with it. They’re
far past the point of pretense.
And based on the way Eren’s hips are only staying still because of Levi’s grip
on them, Levi’s pretty sure he’s not going to get any complaints, here.
Especially when there are suddenly lips pressed into his hair, even as Eren
groans and tries to shove in a bit closer; and Levi can imagine what they look
like. Him, on his knees, with his face between Eren’s legs, and Eren
practically doubled over overtop of him, making little whining noises and
tugging at Levi’s hair, and –
Levi’s blushing even worse, suddenly.
“Levi, come on, come  on,  you’re killing me, just –”
Eren’s voice sounds pretty fucking ragged, already, and Levi sucks in a deep
breath and nudges Eren’s legs further apart – this really isn’t the best angle
for anything other than getting his mouth on Eren’s dick, but he’s managing.
Hears Eren make this shaky little noise as he spreads his legs and tightens his
grip in Levi’s hair; and then a gentle bite right at the juncture of his thigh
and groin has Eren yanking on his hair and bucking so hard Levi can barely hold
him still.
“Fuck,  Levi, jesus  fucking –”
Levi can’t stop the swell of pride as he pulls back, his chest tightening and
his cock aching.
Eren’s wide-eyed, panting, and his dick’s hard and flushed, and – Levi’s barely
touched him yet.
Stares up at him, his heart slamming – doesn’t look away as Eren’s hands slide
down to cup his cheeks, holding him so fucking gently that Levi almost can’t
deal with it. Sucks in a breath when Eren’s thumb presses against the side of
his mouth, his eyes still wide and his breathing ragged.
“What did I ever do to deserve you?”
It sounds like an actual honest question, and it’s enough to make his stomach
twist; and Levi just shakes his head. Turns to press a kiss against one of
Eren’s hand – wonders what he looks like, kneeling there between Eren’s legs
and practically nuzzling his palm – but it doesn’t matter. Eren wants him just
the way he is. And, hell, Eren thinks that  he’s  the lucky one. Which is just
– Levi needs to clear that up, right the hell now. Because Eren needs to get
just how grateful Levi is for him.
“More – more like what did I do to deserve  you , you wonderful little –”
He can’t finish, though, because Eren makes this little noise and leans down to
kiss him, again – lips pressed against the top of his head – and Levi swallows
and just lets them stay like that, his fingers digging into Eren’s legs. Stays
there until Eren sighs, fingers sliding through his hair; and then Levi
swallows against the rush of heat as he straightens, shifting up closer so that
he can press his tongue against Eren, flicking it gently along the head; and
he’s barely gotten a groan out of Eren before he’s wrapping his hand around his
dick and gently tugging it towards him.
Takes a breath and looks up at Eren – if Eren likes to watch, then Levi will
damn well put on a show – for him before he carefully wraps his lips around
him, which – with the way he’s kneeling, it’s wonderfully easy to get exactly
where he needs to be. Sucks gently, on the head, and watches as Eren’s mouth
drops open – has to close his eyes as slowly starts sliding his lips down,
taking Eren in deeper – and Eren’s bending over him, again. Holding on tight
and breathing into his hair, gone silent save for how desperately he’s panting,
like he can’t quite make noises; and Levi breathes through another wave of
pride.
Can just barely get his hand where it needs to be, with how Eren’s sitting –
but he manages.
Slides two fingers back to press down against Eren’s perineum, even as he
hollows his cheeks and sucks harder, feeling the way Eren’s starting to leak
against his tongue, which – shit, Levi’s never even  liked  doing this before,
never  wanted  to – but now he never wants to  stop,  and – apparently it’s a
bit too much for Eren; though, because as soon as Levi’s fingers start moving,
pressing down gently, Eren’s whining and tugging at Levi’s hair, his hips
barely staying on the bed.
“Wait,  wait,  stop, I-I can’t –”
Levi’s breathing is all fucked, as he pulls back to just kind of pant against
Eren’s dick; and he’s a bit cruel, maybe, because when he looks up Eren looks
like he’s barely staying upright anymore.
Right. Maybe Levi should at least get him on his back, at some point.
Opens his mouth to – but Eren’s grabbing at him. Yanking him up to kiss him, as
Levi ends up kind of half-standing and half bent over – and, shit, his knees
fucking  kill,  but it was worth it, it was so worth it – can’t stop the sigh
of relief as Eren keeps up the tugging until he is, indeed, flat on his back,
with Levi bracing himself up over him, in between his legs, his arms shaky and
his knees aching against the bed, and – maybe he winces, a bit, because even
through how blown Eren’s eyes are he’s putting a hand on his cheek, obvious
concern on his wonderful flushed face.
“Are you –”
Levi kind of wants to laugh, but he doesn’t have enough air. Ends up making
some raspy little noise, instead, feeling absolutely fucking ridiculous as he
turns his face to grin into Eren’s palm.
Shit,  he likes laughing during sex. Hell, he fucking  loves  it.
“No, no, I’m fine, just – um. Wood floor, so –”
“Oh,  shit , I didn’t even –”
“Worth it. Worth every second.”
“Levi –”
“I mean it. I fucking love doing that, I –”
And – what is  wrong  with him, he can’t just  say  shit like that –
But it must be okay, because Eren’s kissing him so hard he can’t breathe.
Hands desperate on his face, and Eren’s chest heaving against his, with how
closely they’re pressed together – and then Eren’s legs come up to wrap around
his waist, and Levi gets the message and goes with it. Ends up on his back with
Eren sitting across his thighs, leaning down to kiss him, Levi’s dick pressed
against his stomach and Eren’s sliding damp against him, too, until Levi can’t
even think anymore – groans when Eren pulls back, bracing himself with a hand
on Levi’s chest, and – okay, he looks wrecked. His lips are swollen and he
looks almost dizzy with it all, his pupils blown in his eyes and pre-come
smearing against his stomach; and then Levi’s hips nearly leave the bed when
Eren’s fingers wrap around him, so fucking  gently,  and –
“Figured this way’d be easier on your knees.”
It takes a second to process – Eren’s thumb is sliding in slow circles below
the head of his dick, and Levi’s fingers are going to tear the blankets if he
holds on any tighter – and then it sinks in, and Levi gets his eyes open – he’s
not even sure when he closed them – to find Eren biting his lip, his eyes on
the slow movement of his thumb, and – shit, he  means  it, he was actually
worried  –
Levi’s either going to start laughing or crying, again; and either way it’s all
getting tangled up inside him; and maybe his face is doing something stupid,
because Eren swallows and leans back down to kiss him. Licks against his mouth
as Eren slowly pushes Levi higher, his fingers moving in an achingly slow
slide, hot and tight and perfect, until his dick is getting damper and Levi’s
only keeping his hips on the bed because Eren’s sitting on top of him; and then
Eren presses a tender kiss against the corner of his mouth, before biting his
lip, and Levi’s hips jolt as he moans.
Shit,  he’s so gone for this boy, so fucking  gone.
Only realizes that he’s digging his nails into Eren’s back when Eren groans and
twists back into it, before he seems to get all shaky, again, resting harder
against Levi as he breathes into his mouth.
“So, um. That – that thing we talked about before.”
It takes a moment to process, and then Levi can actually feel a new wave of
heat sweep down his face. Feels his heartbeat skitter up so sharply it hurts.
Sucks in a breath against Eren’s mouth, and –
Levi’s allowed to want this.
If Eren wants this, then there is nothing wrong with Levi wanting it, too.
It still takes him a few seconds, though, before he can manage to speak. Has to
lick his lips, with how dry his mouth has gone; and by then Eren’s pulled back
to look at him, looking all horribly adorable and shy, again, with one hand
against Levi’s chest; and Levi doesn’t miss the way Eren squirms when he trails
his fingers down Eren’s sides, and then gently curls them around his hips.
“I – I want to do anything you wanna –”
“Believe me, Levi, I want this.”
Eren’s gone bright red, again, and he’s shifting on top of Levi like he can’t
quite stay still; and Levi breathes through the shock of heat to his entire
system – he needs to keep it together; for Eren, right now, Levi needs to keep
it the fuck together – manages to get a hand up on Eren’s cheek, with how close
Eren’s leaned down, now; and Eren closes his eyes and lets Levi rub a thumb
across his cheek for a bit until he twists to kiss his fingers – Levi can
practically feel his teeth grit together – and then Eren’s sliding off him and
climbing off the bed. Crouches down in front of Levi’s pile of bags; and Levi’s
so busy staring that he almost misses what Eren’s saying.
“Lube – where –”
“Backpack. Pocket, front bottom right –”
Eren’s already unzipping it, still leaving Levi to stare as his back and ass;
and his dick’s aching even worse, suddenly. And he’s so hot and shaky inside
that he barely hears Eren’s little laugh.
“I like how you know exactly where you packed –”
“Shut up, you –”
Whatever he was going to say is cut off when he notices that Eren’s suddenly
frozen. Gone still, just crouching there, staring at something, and – that’s
not lube, in his hands. That’s – ah,  shit.
Levi is suddenly so embarrassed his chest actually hurts with it.
“You… you kept all of these?”
Eren’s voice is very, very small, and –
All the drawings that Eren’s ever done for him at work.
Every little doodle that he’s ever left on his supply cart, whenever Levi
wasn’t looking.
God, of  course  he kept them.
“Of course I-I did.”
Eren still hasn’t moved, though, and Levi takes a deep breath, but – he’s
pretty sure he doesn’t actually have to be embarrassed about this. Christ,
they’re  so  far past that; and he’s just about to get off the bed and wrap his
arms around Eren – he’s probably just overwhelmed, but Levi can’t see his face
to check – when Eren slides the papers back into his bag and picks up the lube
and condoms, instead; and Levi’s barely started to sit up when Eren turns back
around. Doesn’t seem quite able to look at him as he drops everything down
beside Levi and then climbs back onto the bed and just kind of unceremoniously
lies down on top of Levi, hiding his face in his shoulder.
Levi can’t get his hands gentle enough as he slides them down Eren’s back.
Keeps the touch as light as he can. Wraps his arms around Eren, as Eren just
barely manages to not crush him, barely propped up over him; and Levi doesn’t
bother with words. Just wraps himself around Eren and nudges at him until Eren
gets the hint and lets himself be rolled, until he’s on his back, and – Eren
can relax, like this. And Levi can curl up on top of him and keep him safe.
“Levi…”
“I – of course I kept them, you dork. You took the time to draw them.”
“But…”
“Do you even know how many shifts you got me through? How many times I was just
about ready to give up, and then you walked around the corner and made
everything okay again?”
His heart’s beating so quickly it hurts, suddenly, and his stomach is twisting
all over the place; and then Eren makes this achingly soft sound and grabs on
so tight it hurts a bit; and Levi just closes his eyes and holds on, too. Can
feel Eren’s shaky breathing, and how hard his heart is beating; and Levi’s not
sure how long they stay like that. Only finally moves when Eren slowly relaxes
his grip, a bit; and Levi takes a breath and sits up, so that he can look at
Eren. Stares down at him as Eren blinks up at him, his eyes wide and damp; and
Levi has to lick his lips before he can speak, but – this is important. He
needs to say it, no matter how much it scares him.
“And, I – I don’t just mean at work. You – you help with everything. You’ve,
um. Fixed bits of me that were – a bit broken, maybe. And, um. I’d be pretty
much screwed without you, so –”
He’s probably going to have little finger-shaped bruises, from how desperately
Eren tries to tug him down for a kiss.
Ends up with Eren’s hands on either side of his face, cradling him there,
almost, as he kisses him like he needs Levi to breathe; and Levi can feel
himself falling apart. Realizes that Eren’s trying to talk, right against his
mouth, even as he presses their lips together, again, panting against him.
“Same – same, I feel the same – about you, I –”
Levi just kisses him even harder, even as something inside him seems to unfold
its wings.
Only realizes that they’ve lost all coordination – more or less just panting,
open-mouthed, against each other – when Eren starts groping around on the
blanket. Shoves the lube into Levi’s hands; and Levi’s hands are fucking
shaking as he sits back up. Eren’s eyes are wide and his mouth is hanging open,
and his lips are swollen and really red; and then Levi’s pretty sure something
in his brain breaks as Eren plants his feet on the bed and spreads his legs
wider, managing to look embarrassed and kind of pleased with himself all at the
same time, and – whatever Levi’s face is doing, it’s probably pretty desperate.
He can barely breathe. Nearly drops the damn lube bottle getting it on his
fingers, and then he crowds back in between Eren’s legs, keeping it gentle as
his fingers slide down to Eren’s entrance; and the way Eren sucks in a breath
is gratifying as fuck.
“Tell me if anything hurts.”
He hears the thin note of desperation in his voice, suddenly. He needs to not
hurt Eren. Needs to make this good. And maybe Eren hears it, too, because he
swallows, and nods, never looking away from him; and Levi bends to press a kiss
to one of his legs as he starts to rub his fingers, gently, against the tight
muscle underneath them. Can hear Eren’s breathing start to speed up.
He also needs to ask something, here. Something that he’s pretty sure he knows
the answer to, given the way Eren had fucked him senseless, that night at the
shelter; but he still needs to know for sure.
“Have you, um –”
“I’ve d-done this before. Not for, um – a while. But – yeah, I’ve been on this
side of things, too.”
“And –
“I’ll tell you if something doesn’t feel good.”
There’s an all-too audible note of desperation in Eren’s voice, too. and he’s
practically vibrating, like he’s maybe seconds away from just shoving down on
Levi’s fingers himself – and, yeah, Levi remembers, clearly, how much Eren had
enjoyed this, that morning at the shelter – and Levi swallows and sits back a
bit further, so he can watch what he’s doing. Almost can’t, for a second –
fuck, his face is  burning  – then Eren makes a shaky sound and pushes down
against him, and –
Yeah.
Levi can do this.
Needs to make this good for Eren.
Opts for watching his face, instead, as he slides the tip of just one finger
in, and Eren’s eyes slide shut. He’s clinging to the sheets, now; and Levi’s
very aware of how tight he is around his finger.
“Levi…”
Eren’s eyes are still shut, but his hips are wiggling, a bit, and he’s gnawing
on his lip; and Levi leans down to kiss his thigh, again. Gives him a gentle
drag of his tongue as he waits, keeping his finger right where it is; but
Eren’s already relaxing around him. Relaxing, and starting to squirm against
him, his breathing going ragged and his fingers visibly tightening against the
sheets; and Levi takes a breath as he carefully slides his finger the rest of
the way in. Instantly ends up with Eren’s fingers twisted back in his hair, as
he starts to work him open, keeping it gentle; and then he slides another in,
slow and careful, heart jumping at every little hitch in Eren’s breathing, and
–
He’s not rushing Levi, this time.
Practically vibrating in place, yes, but he’s letting Levi set the pace.
And Levi’s chest is doing that stupid thing where it clenches up tight and
really fucking hurts.
“You – you seem to have found a previously undiscovered store of patience.”
“And you’ll kick y-yourself forever if you hurt me.”
Eren’s voice is possibly more fucked up than Levi’s ever heard it; and Levi
only realizes he’s stilled his fingers when Eren makes a frustrated sound,
tightening his grip on Levi’s hair, but –
It’s for Levi’s benefit. Eren’s fucking holding himself back for Levi.
Levi has to take a moment to rest his cheek against Eren’s knee.
Shit,  he loves this boy.
“Think we may be able to find some middle-ground, here, darling.”
And – alright, he hadn’t quite meant to say that. Hadn’t quite meant to try out
Eren’s favourite endearment for him. But based on the way Eren’s staring at
him, suddenly, it’s okay. And Levi just about combusts as he pushes both
fingers in deeper and watches Eren’s mouth drop open.
“Son of a bitch.”
It’s a shaky whisper, with Eren staring at him; and then Eren’s head falls back
on the pillow.
Levi just swallows and keeps going, because – it’s true. He’s capable of
finding that middle-ground. Can do this safely and also hopefully drive Eren
out of his mind. Starts curling his fingers on every slow slide out, and Eren’s
pretty much immediately yelping and jerking down.
“Fuck,  fuck,  oh my god, Levi, you –”
Another brush across his prostate cuts him off, and Levi settles his fingers
there and rubs. Carefully. Stays right there, for a second, until Eren’s hips
are barely staying still; and then he spreads his fingers, just a bit. Pulls
them out and drives them in harder, which has Eren rocking down to meet them,
making breathless little encouraging sounds; and Levi’s pretty sure he could
stay right there, like this, for as long as Eren would let him. Feels his skin
heat up even worse, and leans down to press a kiss against Eren’s chest.
Considers his options, for just a second, and then drags both fingers out and
slides back in with a third, moving slowly but not stopping, just the way Eren
seems to want him to – and when Eren’s next noise is an actual fucking whimper,
Levi has to swallow through the crushing wave of affection. Curls all three
fingers and isn’t surprised when he comes close to losing a bit of his hair,
sharp bites of pain as Eren grinds down.
“Fuck, fuck,  please,  please, that’s –”
“Just a bit longer.”
He can hear the desperation in his voice; and Eren’s returning noise is a
frustrated groan, but he doesn’t argue, his fingers gentling just a bit in
Levi’s hair; and there’s precome beading at the top of Eren’s dick, when Levi
drags his eyes away from Eren’s face, which – Levi swallows, his mouth going
dry, but he settles for biting his way along the inside of his thigh, instead.
Licks and then bites, before he looks down to watch three of his fingers
sliding in and out of Eren, stretching him open; and he’s suddenly dizzy with
it. Spreads them, a bit more, to see how tight he still is; and when Eren jumps
and groans, his head tossing around on the pillow, Levi barely gives him a
second to recover before he curls all three fingers across Eren’s prostate; and
watching Eren’s back arch clean off the bed is one of the most beautiful things
Levi’s ever seen.
“Levi –”
“Almost t-there.”
He’s pretty sure he’s never heard his own voice sound so strained.
And it doesn’t help that it takes Eren a good few seconds to settle back down
on the bed, like he’s too strung out to even lie down; and Levi has to take a
breath before he cranes up a bit higher to kiss him. Brushes their lips
together – Eren doesn’t seem coordinated enough to respond, much, beyond
grabbing on tight to Levi and holding him there – and Levi keeps the kiss
gentle as he slides his fingers out, and then back in again, and again, until
Eren’s whimpering, kissing him harder, nails digging into in his back – Levi
curls his fingers, one last time, as he pulls them out; and Eren just about
leaves the bed, again, making a noise that isn’t even words, and – yeah.
Alright. He’s ready. And Levi’s hands are shaky and slippery when he grabs for
the condom. Barely gets it open and on before Eren’s trying to pull him back.
Ends up with Eren’s nails in his shoulders as he reaches for the lube and
spreads some on himself, trying to keep his own hand as light as possible; and
then he crawls over Eren and reaches down between them to press against Eren’s
entrance. Can’t do anything but stare at him, though, as Eren’s eyes blink
open, and – he looks a bit dazed, almost, his eyes wide and barely anything but
pupil; and then he swallows and puts a hand on Levi’s cheek, and Levi almost
can’t look at him, anymore. His heart’s in his throat and holy  fuck  he loves
this boy –
“C’mon, darling.”
Eren’s got this sweet little smile, now, even through how wrecked he looks; and
Levi stares at him for a second longer before he nudges forward, a bit, as
gentle as he can, and watches Eren’s teeth sink into his lip. Watches as he
just keeps staring up at Levi, sharp little breaths shaking out of him; and
Levi, desperately, tries to ignore how tight Eren is around him. Grits his
teeth and keeps it slow, pushing forward a bit more, and then pulling back, and
then again, until he can feel the head of his dick slide all the way inside,
Eren’s body closing tight around him; and Eren’s still got his eyes open,
though they look a bit glassy, now, and he’s biting his lip so hard it’s a
miracle it’s not bleeding; and Levi swallows, hard, and gets his hand up to
rest against his cheek.
“You – y-you okay?”
Levi barely manages to get it out. Watches as Eren blinks up at him, still
looking dazed, before he swallows, and then nods. Can’t seem to do anything
else – his mouth’s hanging open, and his face has gone very, very pink – but
Levi believes him. Trusts him. Rocks his hips, just a bit, which gets Eren’s
squirming in a way that makes Levi ache; and he only realizes that Eren’s
trying to tug him closer when he’s already been pressed down against him. Gets
pulled in a bit deeper, without meaning to; but Eren’s groaning and tightening
his legs around him, so it must be okay – must be – ends up with Eren’s hands
trembling on his back and Eren’s mouth shaky underneath his own. Gets a hand
down between them and tries to keep it steady enough to jerk Eren off as he
presses in, but everything’s way too hot and his chest is fucking  aching  with
every little noise that Eren makes, and –
Levi takes a deep breath, and steadies himself, as deliberate as he can.
Lets the air fill his lungs, and braces one hand a bit better against the bed,
and keeps the other around Eren, starting a slow slide of his fingers. Slowly
presses in deeper and deeper until he gets nails in his back – pulls back,
desperately, to see Eren’s face, and – Eren’s got his eyes wide open, biting
his lip and staring right back at him as Levi grits his teeth and slides in the
rest of the way. Goes still, then, as Eren swallows, hard, and just kind of
blinks up at him, not saying a word; and it’s almost too much, staring at each
other, like this, but – Eren’s hand is on his cheek, now; and Levi doesn’t even
care that he has to swallow down tears. Eren will want him anyway.
“Okay?”
It’s all Levi can do to make his throat unlock enough to speak.
And Eren just kind of stares up at him for a second longer before he nods, but
Levi can see the dampness in his eyes, too; and he’s barely got a hand up on
Eren’s cheek, thumb brushing away one of his tears, before Eren’s shaking his
head, and wrapping a hand tight around Levi’s wrist.
“Eren –”
“S’not ’cause it hurts.”
He sounds like he barely gets it out. Closes his eyes and turns his face into
Levi’s palm.
And Levi can’t even say a damn thing to that, so he settles for dropping down
to press desperate little kisses against Eren’s neck.
Stays right where he is, his heart hammering and his stomach fucking  aching ,
until Eren’s head tilts back, and Levi can feel him relaxing into the bed; and
when he eventually looks back up again, Eren’s eyes are still damp, but that’s
okay. If he’s not hurting, it’s okay. And Levi’s stomach gives another horrible
lurch when Eren bites his lip and tugs him down for another kiss, his hands
shaky on either side of Levi’s face, and – he’s still not rushing him. He’s
panting into the kiss and Levi can feel how hard he’s breathing – can feel the
way he’s practically vibrating, with how hard he’s fighting to stay still – and
Levi sucks in a breath, his stomach flipping again.
Christ, Eren’s ruined him. And Levi wouldn’t have it any other way.
Finally moves, just enough to get a hand back down between them. Grits his
teeth at the way Eren sucks in a breath and clenches around him when Levi wraps
his fingers around him – he still has lube on his hand, and Eren’s practically
dripping – and then steadies himself and leans down to kiss Eren’s collarbone.
Can’t quite keep his hips still – little movements that leave him shaking – but
he needs to keep it together, enough, needs to fucking concentrate on – grits
his teeth and squeezes his eyes shut, his fingers on Eren’s dick and his lips
and tongue and teeth on his neck; and he barely gets in a few slow strokes of
his fingers before Eren’s starting to squirm.
“Levi…”
“Good?”
He’s expecting to get shit for it, maybe. Something about how he needs to stop
teasing.
Instead, Eren just gives him a shaky little nod, and wraps his arms back around
him.
Levi’s suddenly blushing, again, and has to take a moment to hide in Eren’s
neck.  Doesn’t stop what he’s doing, though; and by the time he’s kisses his
way back up Eren’s neck, dragging his lips across his jaw with a scrape of his
teeth, Eren’s hips aren’t staying still, and Levi’s possibly going to pass out.
Barely makes it to Eren’s mouth before Eren’s teeth are on his lip; and Levi
doesn’t mean to jerk, like he does, but from the way Eren groans and claws at
him, it’s maybe okay.
“Levi –”
“Sorry, s-sorry, I’m –”
“Don’t – d-don’t –  fuck,  just do it again,  please –”
He sounds like he can barely talk, and Levi can practically feel his self-
control start to unravel.
Does it again, and gets a whine in response, right against his mouth. Swallows,
hard, and pulls back enough that he can move a bit more, Eren’s arms sliding
down enough to let him up, just a bit. Watches Eren squirm, for a second, and
then drives in harder. Just about loses his mind when Eren tightens his legs
around him and tries to push into him, his head falling back on the pillow.
“Come on, come on,  please –”
And – alright.
Maybe Levi’s made them both wait long enough.
Barely starts to move before he’s very aware of just how fucking close he
already is. Breathes through it, and watches Eren’s reactions as Levi starts
shifting his movements, just slightly. Doesn’t slow down when Eren starts to
whimper – it sounds like a good sound – and Levi knows he’s found where he
needs to be when Eren outright yells, jerking against him as he arches off the
bed.
“Fuck –”
“There?”
“Yes,  christ –”
Yeah, no, this isn’t going to take long at all.
But, with the way Eren’s falling apart, that’s probably not a problem at all.
And Levi tries to keep his hips exactly where they need to be, to get that
reaction again. Ends up with Eren’s head back on the pillow and his mouth open
on soundless little gasps, until Levi coordinates a hand enough to rub his
thumb right under the head; and it’s like he can watch Eren crack a bit
further. Barely has time to groan before Eren’s desperately trying to tug him
back down for a kiss, which – there’s no fucking finesse to it, whatsoever, but
there probably doesn’t need to be. Not when both of them are barely breathing.
And Levi needs to – braces himself in the new position, Eren’s body clenching
around him as Levi doesn’t slow down – and then he shifts, a bit, just enough,
until Eren starts whimpering, again, his mouth slack under Levi’s own.
“There,  there –”
The heat inside Levi pulls tighter, and the room’s too hot, everything’s too
hot; and Levi barely gets a hand back down between them before Eren’s coming
all over his fingers, his voice completely cutting out before he groans and
arches under Levi, his breathing absolutely fucking ragged; and Levi grits his
teeth and works him through it until his dick’s stopped pulsing over his
fingers, wetness spreading all against his stomach – only realizes just how
fucking close he is, too, every squeeze of Eren’s muscles making him ache, when
Eren cranes up to press a kiss against the corner of his lip, his fingers
sliding down his back in a sharp scrape of nails; and Levi’s gone, just like
that. Shoves in deeper and ends up burying his groan in Eren’s neck, the heat
inside him snapping and his blood pounding over every inch of his body as
everything goes white and hot, Eren’s lips on his cheek and his nails still in
his back; and Levi only barely stops himself from crushing Eren. Ends up just
barely propped up, until Eren reaches back up to tug him down, wrapping his
arms around him and curling up so that his face is in Levi’s neck, and –
Levi’s heart is slamming so hard he can barely breathe.
Isn’t sure how long they stay like that, with both of them panting, and Eren’s
arms like a vice around him. Only finally moves when Eren squirms, a bit; and
Levi takes a breath as he reaches down between them. Pulls out as gently as he
can, and then crawls just far enough that he can drop the condom into the
garbage beside the bed; and when he looks back, Eren’s eyes are still closed,
and he’s still breathing hard; and Levi’s heart hurts as he lies down on his
side beside him. Puts a hand on his arm – isn’t sure if he should – and then
Eren’s rolling on to his side to curl up against him, and it’s like every
little bit of tension just seeps right out of Levi. Makes it easier to breathe,
as he wraps his arms around Eren and pulls him in as close as he possibly can.
“Okay?”
Levi sounds absolutely wrecked; and, for a long few moments, there’s no
response.
Just the sound of Eren’s breathing, as Levi slowly slides his hands along his
skin, keeping the touch as light as he can. Skims his fingers along his back as
he presses a kiss into Eren’s hair, and doesn’t miss the shiver that goes
through Eren, even as he swallows so hard Levi can feel it.
“It’s, um. It’s a d-damn good thing we’re both in this for keeps, darling.”
Whatever air Levi had managed to get back into his lungs, he can feel it all
leave again.
“Eren…”
“’Cause, uh. You’ve ruined me for anyone else, you know.”
And –
It’s basically physically impossible to pull Eren in any closer; but Levi
tries, anyway.
Wraps them up as close as they can together, and holds Eren right against his
body. Has to take a minute before he can speak, because his throat’s being all
stupid and his lungs really fucking hurt.
“I – same, kid. I-I feel exactly the same.”
His skin’s too hot, suddenly, but Eren sighs in a way that sounds kind of bone-
deep happy; so it’s okay. And Levi’s barely begun to settle into the warmth and
silence between them before Eren takes a breath, and nudges him, very gently,
though he doesn’t unpeel himself away from Levi at all.
“I, um. To clarify, I wasn’t just talking about sex, you know. Though that was,
um. Fucking incredible, so – like, wow. But I just wanted to –”
“Incredible?”
And – Levi can’t stop smiling, suddenly, his face pressed right into Eren’s
hair.
Can actually feel Eren’s face heat up against his neck, where he’s tucked in so
close against him.
“Levi –”
“I’m not making fun, darling. I’m – um. I’m just, uh – very glad to hear it.”
It’s got to be the understatement of the year, but it’ll have to do.
And Eren groans like he’s embarrassed and pleased all at once, but Levi can
feel him grinning like crazy right against his skin; and Levi tightens his grip
around him, holding on as Eren squirms even closer. Ends up settling against
him, his breath soft against Levi’s neck, as the seconds slowly slide by; and
Levi could lie here forever, like this. Could just lie here wrapped around Eren
while the rest of the world goes by. But there’s something that he needs to
say, first.
“And, um – I wasn’t just talking about sex, either.”
He barely manages to get it out, and he kind of feels like an idiot, for a
second – but there’s  no  reason to feel that way, there is literally no reason
for him to – and then Eren’s swallowing and kissing his neck, his leg sliding
higher over him and his fingers digging into his back, pushing them even closer
together, and Levi just closes his eyes and holds on as tight as he can in
return.
Perfect. This is perfect.
Eventually, they’ll need to get up. Need to go deal with other things.
But, for now, he’s wrapped up around the guy he loves, and they’re both in it
for keeps.
And Levi’s going to spend every day making sure that Eren knows just how loved
he is.
***** Chapter 31 *****
Chapter Notes
     (Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone who’s been so
     incredibly supportive and kind while I’ve been writing this story [I
     honestly still can’t quite believe it’s been over a year since I
     started this, wow]. All the encouragement and incredibly generous
     feedback has meant more than I can say, and I’m going to always look
     back on writing this story as one of the best experiences of my life,
     so, just - thank you, truly, to everyone who’s been so kind and
     supportive and all-around lovely. I think ya’ll are an absolutely
     amazing group of people, and I count myself incredibly lucky to be
     part of this fandom. ♥)
Two weeks later finds all of them sitting in the backyard.
Erwin and Mike are sitting beside each other in their lawn chairs, their legs
all tangled together and their fingers wrapped together, their hands resting on
Erwin’s knee. Levi’s sitting in another chair across from them, with a perfect,
beautiful view of the mountains spread out behind them – but Levi’s not exactly
looking at the mountains. Not when Eren’s busy playing with Hanji’s new puppy.
Eren and Hanji had gone to the shelter together, and there have already been a
few nights when Levi’s woken up wrapped around Eren and with the puppy trying
to squirm in to join them.
He’s never going to be over how adorable Eren looks when he’s asleep with a
puppy in his arms.
And now – yeah. Levi’s definitely not looking at the mountains. Not when Eren’s
kneeling in the grass and absolute beaming – he’s so fucking beautiful, so
ridiculously beautiful – as he throws the ball for this perfect little fluffy
puppy to go stumbling after on her little legs.
It’s all so horribly cute it almost hurts to look at.
And then there’s Hanji. Up on a ladder, fixing something that’s wrong with the
eaves trough, and still managing to give them a running commentary of stories
and silly jokes while they work.
Levi should have seen this coming. If he’s going to be the one to do all the
cleaning, then Hanji’s going to be the one to fix every little thing that needs
fixing. And if they throw in Mike’s culinary skills, and Erwin’s ability to
always find the best in any situation, then together their new little household
is pretty much equipped to take on anything.
Together – with everyone here, including their new puppy – they’re making
themselves a home.
Levi still can’t quite completely get his head around it.
After so many years of fighting so hard to just barely make it through, Levi’s
finally home.
And if he ends up raising a hand to rub it across his eyes, he thinks it’s
pretty understandable.
He never thought he’d get here.
Never, in his most desperate hopes, had he ever dared to wish for anything like
this in his future.
And now he’s got Eren coming to curl up against his legs and resting his head
back against his knee, with the puppy – she’s a little golden fluffy thing,
with a big silly grin and bright eyes, squirming his lap, and trying to lick
his chin – and the sheer happiness in Eren’s face as he tilts his head to grin
up at Levi is enough to make it hard to breathe. Enough to freeze him in place
for a second; and then it’s all he can do to curl his fingers into Eren’s hair.
Keeps them there as Eren smiles up at him, doing that thing where he looks at
Levi like Levi is the best thing that’s ever happened to him; and then Levi
gets his fingers working enough to slide them through Eren’s hair, and Eren
closes his eyes and presses into Levi’s hand, relaxing against his knee as the
puppy makes a huffing sound and tries to squirm closer, making Eren grin even
wider, and –
Yeah. 
Levi’s finally home.
Here, with Eren, and with all the friends that Levi loves so much.
And that makes him the luckiest man in the world.
- - -
Later that night, he and Eren are curled up around each other.
The clock’s reading just past 2 am, but Levi’s not working tomorrow. He doesn’t
have to sleep. He’s got better things to do, anyway. Mainly grinning at the way
Eren’s drooling on the pillow.
Dork. Such a fucking dork.
And then he’s watching Eren’s eyes blink open, as there’s a scratching sound at
the door, followed by a low whine; and Eren looks a bit unfocused, for a
second, before the dopiest grin spreads across his face, and he takes the time
to lean in and kiss Levi before he slides out of bed. Opens the door for the
puppy to come tumbling in; and Eren scoops her up and holds her against his
chest as he slides back into bed, though he’s shivering, a bit, by the time
he’s under the blankets; and Levi presses a hand against his bare chest,
sliding a thumb across his collarbone.
“Chilly?”
“Mmm, a bit.”
He still looks adorably sleepy, and his eyes are bright in the glow from the
streetlight outside; and Levi just kind of stares at him, before he squeezes
Eren’s hand and slides out of bed. Kneels down beside Eren’s bag and starts
digging through, until he pulls something out at random, and –
For a long moment, he just kneels there. Staring at it.
Levi’s.
It’s – it’s a t-shirt from that – that fucking company –
Levi’s possibly going to have a bit of a breakdown.
His heart is suddenly aching.
“You get lost, darling?”
He can hear the smile – and can hear the sleepiness – in Eren’s voice. And Levi
just stares at the damn shirt for a second before he stands up and turns
around, his heart hammering against his ribcage. Makes it back to the bed, and
then hands the shirt to Eren, not saying a word – only to have Eren suddenly
start blushing so badly Levi can see it even in the dim light, his eyes wide.
“Oh – shit, this – okay, this was going to be – I just saw it the other day,
and –”
“Eren –”
“I – I was still trying to figure out – I mean, it’s true, of course, but –”
“Eren…”
“Like – like, obviously, you know I’m yours, but, um, I wasn’t sure if it was –
too much, or – or if this was just stupid, or –”
Levi’s lucky he doesn’t squish the puppy, with how desperately he leans forward
to kiss Eren. Puts his hands on either side of his face and keeps it as gentle
as he can, feeling Eren freeze against him, before he seems to sag, his hands
coming up to pull Levi closer, and his breath getting shaky.
“Levi…”
“Dork. You precious, wonderful, ridiculous –”
Eren’s laugh shakes right through him, and Levi suddenly can’t get close
enough.
Tugs at Eren until he’s got him right in his lap, with the puppy sprawled out
on the bed beside them, and Eren’s legs on either side of Levi, and Eren
grinning at him, and – Levi’s arms are possibly too tight around him, but from
the way Eren’s holding on just as tight, it’s probably okay.
“You – so – that’s not weird, or –”
“It’s adorable. You’re adorable.”
“I –”
“Christ, Eren. How do you always – you’re so –”
He can’t finish, but he doesn’t need to. Eren’s fucking beaming at him, now,
bright and beautiful in the dim light, and – it’s 2 am. They need to do shit
tomorrow. They should be sleeping.
To hell with that, though.
Levi just wants to stay like this, right like this, for the rest of the night.
And with Eren smiling at him like that, it takes Levi a second to keep talking.
“And I guess I’m, uh. Gonna have to get myself one custom made, then.”
He can feel the heat in his own cheeks, now, too. And Eren’s biting his lip.
“Levi…”
“I mean, I’m pretty sure there’s no company called ‘Eren’s’, so – um, I’ll see
if –”
Eren’s hands are kind of horribly gentle, as he presses Levi back down against
the mattress.
And Levi can feel the heat coming off his cheeks as Eren kisses him, so soft it
hurts, his fingers sliding up into Levi’s hair as he kisses him. Kisses him
until Levi’s all but melted into the bed.
Levi could stay like this, right like this, forever.
And Eren doesn’t say anything, when he finally pulls back; but he doesn’t have
to. Not when he’s looking at Levi in that way that makes Levi ache. Not when
he’s looking at him like Levi’s the best thing Eren’s ever seen; and Levi can’t
do anything but swallow and stare back, until he gets a palm up to rest on
Eren’s cheek; and Eren stares at him for a second longer, before he kisses his
palm, and then curls down to lie against him, tucking his face in against
Levi’s neck.
For a moment, they just lay like that. Then, Eren swallows, and his fingers
slide into Levi’s.
“Love you.”
It’s barely a whisper, against Levi’s neck.
And Levi just closes his eyes, tightening his fingers around Eren’s.
“Love you, too.”
He barely gets it out. His heart’s up in his throat.
And then he can feel Eren smiling; and Levi tightens his arms around him and
holds him close.
Forever. He wants to stay right like this forever.
- - -
A week later finds them spending their day off wandering around downtown.
Levi’s secretary job, apparently, doesn’t start until the end of August – he
hadn’t even thought to ask, at his interview; but he’ll be starting there just
in time for the students to start wandering back to the university – but that’s
okay. He can deal with a summer of custodial work, now that he knows he’s got
something better to go to. It means, too, that he still has another few months
of working with Eren, which basically means another few months of Eren
following him into the supply room to snuggle him senseless, which – yeah, wow,
he’s so more than okay with this.
And he only realizes he’s smiling when Eren nudges him with his elbow, grinning
right back.
“What’s funny?”
The caw of a seagull almost cuts him off completely, and Levi grins a bit
harder when Eren sticks his tongue out at the bird, even as it squawks again
and then flies off. They’re right downtown, in that random little parking lot
beside Waterfront, where Levi’s always enjoyed looking at the mountains; but
Levi’s not exactly looking at the mountains, now. Not when he’s got Eren to
stare at, instead, sitting on one of metal railings by the larger barrier, with
his legs dangling out in front of him and his hair being blown everywhere by
the wind; and Levi stares at him, for a moment, before he steps forward and
slides in between Eren’s legs. Ends up with Eren’s legs around him and Levi’s
face in his chest, as Eren rests his chin on the top of his head.
“Levi…”
“Just thinking about how we still get to spend the summer working together.”
“Mmhmm.”
Eren sounds kind of deliriously happy about the idea, and Levi buries a bit
deeper into his chest.
Lucky. He’s so fucking lucky.
"I’ll leave you lots of drawings on your supply cart.”
“And I’ll make sure your cubicle is spotless.”
“And I’ll bring you coffee in the morning.”
“Good thing, too, with the way we keep keeping each other up all night.”
“Levi.”
He can hear Eren blushing, even as his laugh shakes through Levi; and Levi
smiles into his chest. Pushes into it when Eren’s fingers slide up and into his
hair, gently holding him there, and – it’s been heaven, having their own room.
Somewhere they can hide away, just the two of them. Somewhere with a big,
comfortable bed, and a shower right down the hall that Levi can actually use. A
little corner of the world for them to cuddle and get naked and then snuggle
some more, and generally be absolute dorks at each other. Hell, Eren even has
his own drawer, already. Levi had deliberately left it empty when he’d first
started unpacking his stuff, and the look on Eren’s face when Levi had offered
the drawer to him had been enough to completely melt Levi’s heart.
Unsurprisingly, there had definitely been a lot of cuddling, after that.
“Levi?”
It’s soft, barely audible above Levi’s head. Levi closes his eyes and squirms a
bit closer.
“Mmm?”
“Can we – sometime, um, can we go back to that first Timmies that we went on a
date to?”
There’s a little catch in his voice, and his fingers are sliding into Levi’s
hair. Levi closes his eyes and tries to lean in closer, his heart doing that
achy thing where it skitters around in his chest.
“Anytime, kid.”
“Ka. Awesome.”
For a moment longer, there’s nothing but the caw of another seagull; and then
Levi smiles.
“Did you wanna go now?”
Eren’s grin is beautiful, even when Levi can’t see it. And by the time he’s
pulled back, Eren’s already scrambling to get his feet on the ground. Slides
his fingers into Levi’s and beams at him.
“You’re the best, you know.”
“I know.”
“Levi.”
“Also, to get you smiling like that, I’d do just about anything, so –”
“Oh, god.”
Eren’s grin has gone shy, now; and Levi has to tug him in close again. Ends up
with Eren’s lips on his forehead, and his arms wrapped around him, and – safe.
Levi just feels so safe, like this.
Eren’s home. With Eren, Levi feels like he’s finally, finally home.
And it takes him a second to say anything – his heart’s up in his throat – when
Eren tugs free and slides back up onto one of the railings, again, a big
expectant grin on his face as he just kind of sits there and waits; and it’s
amazing, really, how well they can read each other. Because Levi only has think
on it for a second before he’s pretty sure he knows what Eren’s going for,
here.
“You want me to piggyback you again, don’t you?”
“Well, I am trying to be a big sap and recreate our first date, you know, sooo,
I just figured –”
“I dunno, Eren. Pretty sure you still owe me a piggyback, actually.”
And – it takes him a second, to realize what he’s said. Can’t stop the way his
cheeks immediately flush – but he doesn’t have to be embarrassed, though; he
can be as much of a goddamn sap as he wants, because Eren’s not going to judge
him for it; hell, Eren loves him for it – and then his heart gets all fluttery
as Eren just gapes at him, before the sweetest little smile slides across his
face. He’s doing that thing, suddenly, where he looks just all-around terribly
fond of Levi; and Levi knows that he’s biting his lip, but there’s really
nothing he can about it. Especially when Eren slides off the railing and leans
in to kiss him – gentle, so goddamn gentle about it – and then steps back and
gestures to the railing, that adorable little smile still on his lips.
“Well, why don’t you climb on up, then?”
That adorable little smile is still on his lips, and Levi kind of just stares
at him, for a second.
He loves this boy. He loves him so much.
And he’s going to spend every day making sure Eren knows that.
And his heart’s beating like crazy as he swallows and climbs up on the railing.
Uses his hands to haul himself up, and then manages to turn around and
awkwardly balance there; but Eren’s already sliding in between his legs, so
that all Levi needs to do is lean forward and wrap his arms and legs around
him. Leans into him and just holds on tight, his stomach filling with
butterflies as Eren steps forward, lifting Levi like it’s the easiest thing in
the world; and Levi closes his eyes and presses his face into Eren’s neck, his
heart skittering even higher when Eren laughs.
“Think I can carry you all the way to Timmies?”
It’s a simple question. Levi should be able to answer it.
But Eren just sounds so happy – sounds breathless and amused and so incredibly
happy – and Levi can’t seem to speak, suddenly. Presses his face a bit harder
into Eren’s neck, even as he feels Eren pause, still holding him there like
he’s nothing; and then Eren’s trying to turn to look at him.
“Levi? Are you –”
“Love you.”
His cheeks are burning. They both said it so many times, and his cheeks are
still burning.
He’s pretty sure he’s always going to feel like this, though. Pretty sure he’s
always going to feel this overwhelmed.
And he doesn’t quite realize what’s happening until Eren steps back, and Levi
lets go as he ends up back on the railing, again – but he’s barely sat back
down before Eren’s leaning around and wrapping his arms around him and kissing
him so sweetly Levi can’t breathe. Just stands there and kisses him, fingers
rubbing small circles against his back, until Eren pulls back to stare at him.
Stares at him, and then smiles, his fingers coming up to brush Levi’s bangs out
of his face.
“You too, Levi. Love you, too.”
Levi swallows.
Yeah. He’s never, ever going to get used to this.
And he only realizes he’s smiling like an absolute dork when Eren laughs and
ducks in to kiss him again, stroking his fingers across his cheek before he
turns back around, sliding back in between Levi’s legs; and it’s so wonderfully
easy for Levi to just wrap himself around him again.
“Come on, darling. Let’s go recreate our first date.”
Eren’s voice is incredibly soft, and he’s holding Levi so carefully, stopping
him from falling; and Levi nods against him, and then presses his face into his
neck, suddenly unable to stop smiling.
Levi had never known that he could feel like this. It should be impossible to
feel this happy.
It’s not, though. He’s living proof that it’s not. He’s the luckiest man on the
planet.
He’s fallen for the most wonderful boy in the world, and Eren feels the same
way about him, too;  and Levi’s damn well going to spend every day making sure
Eren knows just how loved he is.
                                                           
End Notes
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