Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/11103765. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: M/M Fandom: 방탄소년단_|_Bangtan_Boys_|_BTS Relationship: Jeon_Jungkook/Kim_Seokjin_|_Jin Character: Jeon_Jungkook, Kim_Seokjin_|_Jin Additional Tags: Domestic_Violence, Abusive_Relationships, Child_Abuse, Violence, Sexual Violence, Rape/Non-con_Elements, Implied/Referenced_Child_Abuse, Anxiety Attacks, Subspace, Dom/sub_Undertones, Sadism, Self-Harm, Alcohol_Abuse/ Alcoholism, Drug_Abuse, Underage_Sex, Underage_Drug_Use, Underage_Rape/ Non-con, Stockholm_Syndrome, Kidnapping, Eating_Disorders, Vomiting, More tags_to_be_added, Pedophilia, Age_Difference, Age_Regression/De-Aging, Rape, Was_edited_on_sep/10th Stats: Published: 2018-01-05 Chapters: 2/3 Words: 8239 ****** His Tainted Youth ****** by PodoJuseu Summary "In some situations of captivity the perpetrator becomes the most powerful person in the life of the victim, and the psychology of the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs of the perpertrator." - Judith Lewis Herman Notes Trigger Warnings: underage rape, child abuse. Violence. Graphic rape scene. Anxiety attacks. Jungkook is underage. Subspace. Unhealthy relationships. Abuse. I DO NOT CONDONE OR SUPPORT ANY ABUSE THAT TAKES PLACE IN MY WRITING. IT'S FICTION. Comments and kudos welcome. Xx INCASE YOU FORGOT WHAT LITTLE KOOKIE LOOKED LIKE, HERE YOU GO: https://www.instagram.com/p/BY5TR0iBh8S/   "Distraction serves evil more than any other mental state" - Stefan Moneux See the end of the work for more notes ***** Stop the clock ***** Tick- Tick- Tick- Every time he heard that damned clock tick from the dining room, Jungkook felt closer to tears. The sound was driving him insane, echoing inside his head, while he stood, bare foot on the freezing-cold marble floor in the kitchen, staring at his reflection in the tinted, glass window of the tall oven. Of course, under floor heating was available in their luxury penthouse but that was banned from being turned on in the day along with the rest of the place even though it was nearing the end of autumn and slowly approaching the harsh winter. Apparently it was a waste of money. Jungkook should be keeping himself busy. He pulled in a sharp breath of air between his teeth as he felt goosebumps rise, his expression dazed and listless as he held his own gaze. Waiting. Jaw tensing over and over again. The ticking of the old grandfather clock put him on edge but his eyes still hadn't faltered. Hyung will be home anytime now. His food already on the table, steam still slowly slithering into the world behind him. It smelled like home. Jungkook had made his old favourite, black bean noodles, that his mother used to cook for him as a child. Nothing fancy; He was too exhausted to make much more. Despite this, he wouldn't be having any tonight. Oh no, there was no way he'd even think of taking a bite, those days of indulging in comfort foods were over a long while ago. He does have to watch his figure after all. Jungkook suddenly felt something wet run down his chin and then he tasted it. Blood. He had caught his cheeks between his sharp teeth while lost in his own mind. Still lost to his thoughts, he ran his tongue along his front teeth, unconsciously swallowing the sour liquid down his throat. He was used to the taste by now. He turned away from the oven and uses the palm of his hand to stop the blood from dripping all over the beautiful white marble floor of their open-plan kitchen and walked away from the faint ticking sound, which moments prior seemed so offensive. He'd only just cleaned them this morning after an unfortunate event the night before which had resulted in him wearing a pink- purple constellation of cuts and bruises along his pasty skin. Once he got to the bathroom sink he turned on the tap and ran his stained palm under the water, eyelids heavy as he drowsily observed sanguine fluid travel around the bowl before disappearing, not even flinching at the biting-cold temperature of the water before leaning down to carefully wash his mouth out. He lifted his head and, again, took in his appearance. Before he could dwell on how sickly he looked, or his impossibly dark eye circles, or the obvious neclace of finger imprints around his neck, he heard the lock click from the front door. Jungkook hastily wiped at his mouth, dried himself off and put on his 'welcome home' face before he made his way to the kitchen where he found his hyung fumbling off his loafers and setting down his briefcase against the hallway. "Hyung! H-how w-was work today? D-did the meeting go well? Hyung, l-look I made our favourite!" He cursed hismelf for stuttering. Jungkook stood at the end of the hallway, looking almost too juvenille for a young man, you could even compare him to an apprehensive puppy, hoping to get his master's approval. His posture timid and unsure. Weak. At the sound of Jungkook's voice, Seokjin lifted his head to look at his awkward stance and fumbling fingers as he gestured to the dinner table, the older man stood up straighter to approach him with his broad shoulders, confidence radiating off him while his eyes settled on the still steaming hot bowl of food. He didn't look angry at least, maybe he was neutural today. That only meant Jungkook had to please him and be a good boy, then they could enjoy the rest of the evening to make up for his own foolishness last night. The memory sending a wave of terror through his bones. That couldn't happen again. What if Jin-hyung won't love me anymore? "Your favourite," the older man stated as he made his way to Jungkook's shivering frame at the end of the hallway. Jungkook stuttered, "Uh, w-what?" "You cooked your favourite" Jungkook's heart stopped in his chest as the older male sauntered towards him, a lump forming in his throat. He was just about to scold himself for being so selfish and stupid before he saw a hint of a smirk on Jin's face. Okay. it's okay. He seemed in a better mood from yesterday, wrapping his long arms around Jungkook's narrow waist and nuzzled his head into the crook of the boy's shoulder. Seokjin's frame totally engulfed him. Jungkook welcomed the embrace, his frail body immediately melting into the other's as he gently wrapped his scrawny fingers around Jin's suit-clad elbows. "How are you? How was work? Did the meeting go well?" He repeated himself briskly, overwhelmed by the affection his hyung was giving him, eyes wide, tightening his fingers around Jin's arms. If only hyung could love me like this everyday~. "Why are you talking so much~?" Totally dismissing his question, Seokjin raised his head and observed his face. "What have you done?" His cheeks burnt with embarrassment. "N-nothing, I-I-". Shoked at his sudden change of mood, his whole demeanor had changed, his body adopting a submissive shape. Dejected. "And you're stuttering. Stop that. Is this about last week?". Jungkook's blood went cold. His tone was irritable and scolding. Jungkook dropped his head and looked at the floor, all hope of having a good night ruined, as Seokjin released his grip on the other's body before replacing it, getting a hold of Jungkook's chin with two rough fingers. He sighed. "I told you, just be careful next time and it won't happen again. I was angry. You were stupid. It doesn't have to happen. You should know that by now." "I know. I-I'm so sorry. I-I just wanted to make it up to you today. I- please forgive me, hyung. I'm so, so sorry Jin-hyung." Jungkook apologised quietly, afraid what the Seokjin's scolding would lead to. He needs to be a good boy so that he's forgiven. Jungkook kept his eyes scrunched closed as he spoke pitifully and thankfully SeokJin let go of his face. He listened to the taller, much older man breath as he stood there for a few moments in silence. It was frightening when his hyung got in one of his moods, he'd be lucky if he'd make it out unscathed, metally or physically. jungkook wondered to himself, which was worse. He stood there deathly still. Voiceless. Just like he had been taught. Seokjin chuckled. "You know, you're so cute when you're like this," his laugh weighed down on the little confidence Jungkook had. "I could eat you." Be a good boy, be a good boy, kook. "O-oh, um- ". Jungkook was lost for words. Confused as to whether Jin was warm or cold today. His tone struck a bolt of anxiety through Jungkook's chest and so did his glistening eyes. He was just about to change the subject, weary of where this conversation was heading, to mention that his food would get cold if he didn't eat it soon, when Seokjin snaked his manly hands around the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. His other hand trailing on his behind, squeezing him through the fabric, his thumb tugging at the waist band of his navy-blue sweatpants. "Mmm- why don't we go to bed, baby. Hm?" It wasn't a suggestion. That was clear when Jungkook lifted his hesitant eyes to his boyfriend's. His were alluring, unwavering and so deep. They could swallow Jungkook whole, drown him in the depths of enchantment. Jungkook had always wondered what that felt like to drown. if he'd feel it. If he was feeling it. "You can make it up to me. We can forget all about it." His predictions had been spot-on. There was a darkness lingering behind his words. Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows in concern, fear trickling down his spine. He was hoping it wouldn't come to this. Not Again. "I'm not sure. I-I- " he protested lamely, trying to take a step backwards but failing seen as Seokjin still had a grip on his rear. The older man tightened his hold on his nape, humming to himself with satisfaction as he slipped the other hand down past Jungkook's boxer shorts to find his bare cheeks. Jungkook winced. "P-please." He pleaded, hopeful that Seokjin would empathise with him. "Please not tonight, I'm still sore, hyung. I-I don't think I can. How about a movie instead? We could watch whatever you want?" All hope was lost when Seokjin took hold of his body, lifting it up incredibly easy which wasn't surprising considering Jungkook's near skeletal frame he wore these days, hooking his narrow legs up over his strong arms. He ignored the food and made his way to their bedroom with ease. "Huh- h-hyung!" He shrieked. "Hush. Don't be silly." Surprised at how light Jungkook was he placed one of his hands that was supporting his legs on one of his knees. He added pressure with the tips of his fingers. "Jungkook." Jungkook couldn't answer, his mind thinking of ways he could avoid doing it with Jin-hyung tonight. He didn't want to. His frame completely frigid. He was feeling too dirty, used for Seokjin to see him naked, despite the hours spent scrubbing at his skin this morning in the shower. Besides, sex would just be as painful as ever but with the added aching of his limbs, the pounding headache that his anxiety had just brought on, his split lip and the black eye that had only started showing a few hours ago. He couldn't remember the last time he'd enjoyed it. "Jungkook." For the second time he called his name he almost sounded concerned. Almost. "Y-yes hyung?" He managed to slip out. "Have you been eating?" Only then did Jungkook notice his boyfriend's large palm placed on his knee bone. "Don't lie to me. You're as light as a child." That's because he was. He was a child, mentally and physically, despite his actual age. Only just turned sixteen two months prior, he still had young boy's mind and body. Even he forgot how old he was sometimes. "I-I p-please hyung! Not tonight. Please!" Not even registering Jin's comments he started to struggle in his hold as their king-sized bed came into view. "I can't do it! Please...not again!" Seokjin ignored him and dropped his squirming body to the mattress carelessly with a tsk. He then turned to him and slowly took of his suit jacket, keeping their eye contact. His expression was smug, powerful. It made jungkook feel like he was overreacting, that he was being foolish for being so disturbed by the mere thought doing it with his own boyfriend. Although, if he didn't want to it technically wasn't it. It was something else. Something Jungkook wasn't educated on. Something he had no idea had happened to him on multiple occasions. Jungkook's body was trembling, still a little shaken, his anxiety getting the better of him. "Jin-hyung?" Still stuttering, he swallowed the lump in his throat while his eyes stung, threatening to set loose the buckets of tears he'd been refraining from releasing all day. Seokjin cut him off. "What, Kook?" He loosened the tie around his neck. He slowly sauntered towards Jungkook, perched at the edge of the bed currently considering his fight or flight options, his tone patronizing. SeokJin took in his appearance and his expression changed from teasing to stern. Almost like a parent ready to scold their child he watched him carefully, held his gaze and furrowed his eyebrows. Intimidating. "Sit down properly." He did. Fingers intertwined on his lap. Knees together. Mouth shut. Just like he'd been taught. "Take off your clothes. Hurry up." He reprimanded after noticing Jungkook's hesitation. "C'mon Jungkook" Jungkook took off his clothes awkwardly as he accepted his defeat. Now the tears had started streaming. Dropping little patterns into his sweat pants because he couldn't bare to look at his hyung in the eyes while he stripped the materials hiding his remaining dignity. He felt mortified and Seokjin hadn't even touched him yet. Why did he always mess things up!? He scolded himself. "Have you stopped making a fuss? Calmed down yet?" Jungkook nodded and wiped his flush cheeks, though it didn't mean anything. No, he hadn't calmed down, he was so scared and felt so stupid, knowing that he shouldnt disobey Seokjin. Seokjin saved him. Seokjin loved him. Seokjin was gonna hurt him again tonight and he'd take it. He'd take it because he was a good boy and... "good boys do what they're told." Pleased at Jungkook's obedience, Seokin smiled to himself, despite the boy's obviously concerning state, he undid his cuff links and quickly threw his shirt off to the side somewhere. He was so undoubtedly attractive. He had everything as a wealthy heir to his father's company. Five and a half years older than Jungkook himself, he had everything: Beauty, wealth and power. He had so much power. He could get tired of Jungkook any day now and he'd have no where else to go. Jungkook pinched the see-through skin of his lower thighs with his digits. Anxious while the older male studied him. The boy's stomach was inverted. Empty. He would probably be able to count every rib bone. His collar bones like a clothing hanger, wafer-thin, almost as if his form hung from them. Even though his knees were tightly clasped together with his hands, to stop them from trembling, there wasn't a trace of fat between his thighs. They didn't touch. He barely looked 14 years old. He doubted he'd done any growing in the last two years. "What have you done? Look at you. Why did you do this?" He gestured to the young boy sat before him. Curiosity more than concern lacing his voice. He knew Jungkook barely ate these days. He didn't understand why but deep down he was attracted to the scrawny boy. His near prepubescent body. Jungkook was small for his age. Now that he was approaching a time where most teenagers his age were shooting up, Jungkook remained the same height. 5 ft 7 to be exact, 5 inches shorter than the older male, Seokjin towered his figure, and that's how they both wanted it to stay. He knew Seokjin liked his baby face, always praising his youthful features and had always treated him like a child. When he wasn't being cared for he was being punished or ignored. Being punished was miserable and Seokjin wouldn't love him if he was miserable. And so, Jungkook was so used to be treated like a child by his hyung, since they'd't met, that he didn't want to grow up. He didn't want to be punished. He couldn't bare the thought of not being Seokjin's baby anymore. Because of this he consciously made an effort to stunt his growth. To keep himself hairless and small and pure. He didn't have to try and act young because he hadn't actually socialized properly with anyone since he was in middle-school. And when he did leave the apartment it was on Seokjin's orders or under Seokjin's control. "I-I did it for you, hyung! I-I-I wanna be your baby forever." He cried out, the statement seemed to satisfy the older man as he smirked to himself. Jungkook still wasn't out of the clear yet though. "You'll always be my baby, Kookie~" And there it was. The confession he didn't hear so often anymore. Jungkook timidly peered up, eyes red-rimmed and glassy. When he did praise him it meant everything. It's was what he lived for. "Okay, hyung. I-I'm s-sorry, hyung." Seokjin grinned widely although it wasn't the type to make Jungkook return one. It disappeared as soon as it appeared. "Lay down." He did. "Good boy" Good boy. I'm a good boy. Imma a good boy. Only for you hyung. I'm a good boy. Imma- His thoughts were interrupted when his eyes met Seokjin's hungry, dark ones as the older man suddenly crawled like a predator over his now static frame in the edge of the bed. He'd stopped smiling. He could hear him unbuckle his heavy belt and undoing his zipper roughly as it dropped to the floor, meanwhile spreading the boy's legs and resting his head in the juncture of his neck, taking a deep breath in of his skin. Jungkook didn't even get a kiss before he felt Seokjin's firm penis breach his entrance raw. "Hyung, hyung, o-owww!" His body jolted and his back arched, automatically trying to get away from the pain of being penetrated. He could smell the soju on Seokjin's breath, the faint smell of tobacco on his skin. It made more sense to Jungkook now. Seokjin must've been at a business dinner this evening, that would explain his late arrival and unusual mood tonight. Probably wired up on his latest cocaine dose. The bowl of food on the table long forgotten. Like he told his hyung earlier, he was still sore. His entrance still hadn't recovered. Even though the last time they'd done this it wasn't against his will, Seokjin had still been rough. To this day he still wasn't certain if Seokjin hurt him because he was simply chasing his own release, and would get so lost in his own pleasure that Jungkook's didn't register, or that he actually got a kick out of hurting him. Either way, Jungkook wasn't sure he'd ever enjoyed sex at all. Seokjin was his first and his only, not having anything to compare to. The older man seemed to enjoy it and obsess over it more than himself and he didn't understan why. Now and then he'd orgasm but there was hardly any pleasure in the before or after. It was just so intense that his body would either cringe away and he'd go soft or he'd take it, the pressure to much to bare. Jungkook squirmed as Seokjin bottomed out, releasing a series of small, pitiful whines, still finding the pressure too intense, a shock of pain made it's up his spine and quickly became that familiar ache. He almost asked Seokjin to stop. No. No. No, Jungkook! You can't make hyung angry! He's doing this because he loves you! He loves you. He wants you. Take it. However, as his hyung's thrusts started speeding up, it was too much. His muscles were so tense, his body completely rejecting the intrusion, he couldn't lie there and take it like usual. He opted for gently pushing up the older man's broad shoulder so that he could get a glimpse of Jungkook's obvious distress. He really didn't want this. He also didn't want another bruise added to his collection. Seokjin grunted as he reached the halt and kept it there and lifted his head to look at Jungkook. His face so handsome and glowing he looked like an angel. Except for the wickedness in his dark eyes. Over the the years Seokjin had lost himself to greed and lust and power. What started out as a ploy to simply help the young boy escape his abusive grandparents, give him shelter while he searched for and apartment to put him in, turned into the older man falling for Jungkook. It was so wrong, Jungkook only being 14 at the time and Seokjin approaching his 20's, the young boy didn't even know what love was. Without realizing at first Seokjin had started manipulate the boy, make him his own, make sure that he wouldn't tell. Showering him with affection and gifts however always making rules and boundaries. He had trained the boy like a pet. He would always need Seokjin to survive. The older man had given in to his selfish and sinful desires. To control. To own. Seokjin had felt out of control his whole life and now it was his turn to rule. He slid one hand up to the boy's narrow neck and briefly added pressure to the already existing finger prints before resting it there just to remind Jungkook he was his. Jungkook had to be a good boy. At this point Jungkook was sweating and trembling as he felt an anxiety attack coming on. He panted heavily trying in vain to get away from the harsh thrusts being delivered to his fragile, aching body. It hurt. "P-plea- p-please. Please. Pleaaseee" he whined and cried almost sounding infantile, like a toddler begging to be removed from the naughty step. "Hyuungg. It hurts..ithurts..ithurts." His entrance was on fire. His back throbbing. The older man now pushing in harder and deeper at a moderate rhythm which made the sensation even more intense. "I don't wannaaaa." The boy cried out slowly, his voice fading from the sheer shock of being impaled continuously into his unprepared, inflamed entrance. "Mmpf." Seokjin takes both of Jungkook’s wrists in his palms above his head and squeezes, hard enough to bruise, hard enough to hurt. He thrusted in particularly hard and jungkook sounded exhausted as he let out a small wail. "Stop it. Grow up. All you ever do is cry and moan like a fucking child." He sped up his pace, suddenly taking out the full length of his large penis only to shove it back in roughly, propelling his hips almost unnaturally fast. The friction lessened by what Jungkook imagined was his own blood. "Oh fuck." It hurt. It really hurt. He wasn't sure what hurt more. The fact that Seokjin berated his childishness or the fact that he felt as if he'd been literally been torn apart. Whatever it was, it was so bad that Jungkook actually managed to knee Seokjin in the stomach with a yelp, on purpose, he wasn't entirely sure but his body had tried to defend itself. The older man's thrusts faltered as he let out a huff of air. Oh no! Now he was bad. He was being bad for his Hyung! Seokjin held himself up above Jungkook, his dark locks of hair falling in his eyes. Suddenly he slapped Jungkook across the face, his left ear getting caught during. "Ah! Ow, ow, ow!" Jungkook looked completely wrecked, struggling against his hold. The blush on his cheeks doing nothing to conceal the bright red palm- print he was now wearing on his cheeks. "Noo, I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" He attempted to cover his face with his hands only to find them still enclosed under one of Seokjin's large hands. Jungkook's legs shook, almost looked as they were vibrating, he was so scared. "Shut your fucking mouth." He slapped his face across the same cheek again and forcing a pathetic cry from Jungkook's throat. "Don't you wanna be a good boy for your hyung? Huh?" He grabbed at his neck again but not enough to stop the air flow. "Mmpf- It-it-ye, I do I do I do---uugh- uh, uh" he slurred while his breathing hiccuped. "Yeah?" "Yeh-h...a-an-anyth-thing f-for you uh- hyung~" "Fuck. There's a good boy, Jungkook. There we go". Seokjin came into his body after three or four more brutal thrusts. "Mm-mh. Huh-huh uh". Jungkook was in shock as his breath came out in short, high-pitched whimpers as his panic-attack took over. His mind had clouded over and he had retreated to some sort of subspace, every sensation being so intense he was unable to put his words together. Something that happened often in the last couple of months. It was happening again. The boy lay there staring into nothingness, unresponsive, distant, chest moving up and down at a rapid pace. Seokjin stayed in place as he got through his high, stroking Jungkook's sweaty, damp hair off of his small face. He needed a haircut. He calmed his breathing, "Good boy, baby" Good boy. He pulled out slowly while Jungkook's limbs and eyelids twitched like a defective toy underneath him, still in shock. Seokjin stood up and went to turn on the shower. When the older man walked back into the room, Jungkook was still in the same position, naked, his eyes unblinking and face expressionless, his body flutterring like a dying bird. Seokjin went to him and pulled one of his arms to pull him up however Jungkook was still lacking physical cohesion, unable to even hold up his head as it swayed behind him from Seokjin's actions with his eyelids half open. He let go of his arm so that the boy fell back to the sheets and let out a tiny noise as the air left his lungs and then decided on carrying Jungkook himself to the bathroom to wash him and then changed him as the literal blood-bath drained from the tub. ***** Whitey ***** Chapter Notes ****read first chapter again   ****Just to make a few things clearer to my readers: Jungkook knows absolutely nothing about mental health, what a healthy relationship is as well as healthy, safe sex. He hasn’t been to school since he was young. Despite this fact, he rarely attended due to various reasons. He has a very limited view on the world and the one he lives in because of how isolated he has always been. This means for his age, he is mentally stunted and is extremely reliant on anyone older. Unfortunately the people that he should have been able to trust and rely on have abused it and so Jungkook often turns to regression and dissociation to deal with his anxieties and fears and traumas. More of this will become clear in future chapters so don’t worry. Always remember that whether it’s Jungkook’s point of view or Seokjin’, they are both unreliable narrators.   *Genuinely apologise for how long this had take. I wrote this all in 2 nights *Alos, i have no idea how to edit soo yeah some parts might not sound right [past] “It’s called sex, kookie. It’s something two people do when they love each- other.”   Jungkook stares at him with his round, inquisitive eyes.“Sex.” He repeated the word as if he hadn’t heard it before.   “Yeah, that’s right. We love each other, right?” Jungkook nodded quickly and his eyes lit up along with a shy, half-smile. “It’s supposed to make you feel excited down there and make you want to have more..” Jungkook nodded along slowly with his head slanted a little like he was reading Seokjin’s lips. Seokjin eyed him suspiciously, wondering why Jungkook was trying to hide his confusion about the subject. Did the boy really not know anything about sex? “Jungkook..,”   “Yes, hyung?” Seokjin studied his wandering fingers and twitching toes. He could tell that Jungkook was nervous for some reason. He would get to the bottom of it soon; After all, Seokjin had mastered the art of grooming and manipulating the boy for god-knows how many months.   Since Jungkook had moved in 3 months ago, they had only engaged in occasional, vanilla, sex and hadn’t ever talked about what each-other liked or didn’t like. Despite the fact that Jungkook was 14 years old, the boy didn’t react to sexual activity like most teen boys would. He seemed to just go along with it because he thought that was what couples did. He lacked any physical signs of arousal and didn’t ever orgasm. He would always let Seokjin do whatever he wanted without question even when he could tell the boy was completely lost. When he was penetrated, he would squirm and struggle and make little noises of discomfort but never ever ask Seokjin to stop. Seokjin was baffled to say the least.   Seokjin had resisted all this time to take things further and be more forward in his desires. He didn’t want to scare the boy off. There would come a time where the boy would accept anything Seokjin did and do anything he was told, he just had to figure out why Jungkook didn’t respond the way he thought he would to his advances.   “Am i your first?”   Jungkook looked up and in a split-second looked back down to his scrunched toes on the duvet coveres. “First what, hyung?”   Seokjin furrowed his brows and narrowed his eyes while Jungkook couldn’t see.   “Well, you know what we did last night?” Jungkook nodded, squishing his cheeks into his knees. “Have you ever done that with anyone else? Have you ever had anyone else touch you like I do?”   There was a five second pause before Jungkook frowned and shrugged his shoulders to look down to the side of the room. Seokjin could see his bony shoulders start to tremble slightly as if he was using all of his might to contain his squirming uncomfort.   Bingo.   “Kookie, who did you have sex with? How old were you, honey?”   Jungkook scrunched his eyelids and dug his nails into his calfs. “It wasn’t sex hyung! I don’t love him, I love you!” He blurted out.   “Jungkook, answer my question.” Seokjin was losing his patience.   “H-hyung! It wasn’t sex, I promise! I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so so-“ Jungkook started crying. The boy made himself as small as possible and sobbed like a toddler into his own lap.   “What do you mean, ‘it wasn’t sex’?” Seokjin had his suspicions but he wanted to hear the boy say it. “Jungkook, just tell me what happened, I just want to know why you’re upset about it.”   “I-I- I can’t, hyung,” he said in the smallest, most timid voice possible, “Sir said not to.”   “Sir?”   “Sir. Mr Pain.”   Mr plain?   “Yes you can, Kookie, you should tell me everything. I would never hurt you, I love you.”   Jungkook cried even harder, “B-but h-he told me n-not to tell on him, hyung! H- he said he would tell my P-Poppa that I was bad in school a-and my Poppa would get mad if he f-found out!” Drool ran down his open mouth and fell to his pyjama shorts. Seokjin had to ask himself if he was really dealing with a fourteen-year-old boy and not a little, whimpy, girl. What a tragic mess of a human being..Did he really think his Grandpa was secretly listening and would come whoop his ass?   Seokjin took a deep breath so that he didn’t end up shaking the little bag of bones till they cracked. After all, he wasn’t trying to raise a fucking mouse, he wanted an obedient little puppy that would live to serve his one and only master. One that would stick his hand into the flames without a hint of hesitation.   He had earned his trust in the first few days of knowing him but still hadn’t cracked the code to the boy’s lack of arousal during intercourse or his extremely childish ways well into his teen years.   “Listen, Kook, your Grandpop can’t hurt you anymore because I’m here. I saved you from that life and I’m going to look after you here, you understand? Tell me why Mr. Plain upset you” Jungkook’s crying had calmed down a little at the sound of his hyung’s comforting voice. “M-m um my-my I-it..” He took a deep breath, “My teacher in year um three and four and five..”   “What about him?”   “Uh, at playtime and um at a-after school club, uh..” The boy kept on stuttering and seemed unable to finish his sentences, still refused to look him in the eye.   “Did he touch you like I have?”   “Mr. Plain..”   “Jungkook, You’re not listening to me.” Seokjin pried Jungkook’s arms away from his curled up form and held his biceps firmly. “Look at me. Tell me so I can understand. People who love each-other tell each-other everything, right?” Jungkook looked up at Seokjin’s face, the image of pathetic, self-pity.   “If I I didn’t love Mr. Plain then why did he do that t-to..Why did he..?”   “He didn’t love you, Jungkook, and you didn’t love him.”   “I don’t understand, hyung!” Seokjin had a moment of realisation. The boy didn’t have a name for what he and this teacher had done. He had related the two together all of this time and had only just named it as ‘sex’. However, to Jungkook, ‘sex’ meant that two people had to love each other. Seokjin would have to go about this another way because what he was doing to Jungkook now wasn’t any different to what his teacher had done; He’d have to convince him that there was a difference somehow. “Baby, when you don’t love a person, they aren’t allowed to touch you like that, okay? Mr Plain was a bad man.” Jungkook kept on staring while his tears dried in dewy trails down his pale cheeks. Seokjin released his hold on Jungkook’s frail arms. “I love you. You love me. I’m allowed to touch you because I love you, baby. Now, tell me why Mr. Plain upset you.” It was like talking to a damn five year old and Seokjin was surprised he’d lasted this long into Jungkook’s dramatics without harming the boy.   The boy reverted his eyes back down to his knees. Seokjin rolled his eyes.   “Um, b-because he hurt me.” Jungkook gripped his toes. “H-he didn’t let me play outside and h-he took me to the closet.”   “What did he do in the closet, Jungkook?”   “U-um, h-he t-t-touched my p-privates and m-my bum and stuck things in there.” Jungkook stayed as still as possible while Seokjin studied him.       “Did it hurt? Or did it feel good?”   “It hurt a-and b-but he told me I would like it but he lied!”     “Does it hurt when I do it or does it feel good?” Jungkook lifted his orbs to answer.             “It feels good.”         He was lying.   Seokjin could tell.   Seokjin hummed to himself. He didn’t know how he should react to this news. Should he convince Jungkook that he would forget about it all? Tell him what happened was wrong? Comfort him?   “Let’s go wash up, okay?” Jungkook eyes widened and he froze when Seokjin changed the subject. “Would you like that?” The young boy, again, nodded. Seokjin couldn’t read his face this time. Was he scared or embarrassed? Seokjin couldn’t tell. Sometimes he had trouble dealing with emotions.   Seokjin carried the limp, exhausted boy to their en-suite and placed him on to the counter.   “Stay here.”   He walked over to their giant bath tub and turned the faucets to slowly adjust the temperature. While he wasn’t facing the boy, he took some time to think of his next step.   He found it hard to admit to himself that he didn’t know what to say next to Jungkook. He didn’t sign up for this shit. He’s wasn’t a bloody counsellor; He couldn’t help the little freak.   But he could use this situation to his own advantage.   As long as Jungkook didn’t know any better, Seokjin was in the clear.     He approached Jungkook to get him ready. He was shivering again. His skeletal fingers held on to the side of the counter like he was about to be ripped off of the surface.     :It’s what Seokjin felt like doing. He wanted to rip him to the ground and beat out the minuscule piece of self worth and self respect and consciousness the boy had left till he was empty. His own little doll.       “Come on.” He said wistfully, as he hugged Jungkook to his broad chest until he felt he had calmed down a bit. He took off Jungkook’s shirt slowly and gently as possible before gesturing for him to stand. “Take off your shorts, baby, or do you want me to do it?”   Jungkook leaned his head further into his angular shoulder like the shy child that he was which probably meant that he would rather not do it himself. So, Seokjin leaned down to undo the ropes that held his pyjama bottoms above his puny, slender hip-bones.     ***   Once the both of them had washed up and had pushed Jungkook’s little episode to the backs of their minds, they settled down in the living room. Seokjin got on with the paperwork his Father had assigned him while he watched Jungkook draw in his minature notebook out of the corner of his eye.   The boy had this obsession with drawing flowers and fields and leafs. What was that all about..?   “Kook.”   The boy immediately stopped his scribbling to ogle at Seokjin.   “What are you drawing?” Jungkook mouth instantly turned from a smoulder to a teeny, toothless smirk. It was almost adorable.     He looked back down at his page, blushing. “It’s just a flower, hyung - like I always do.” Another timid smile.   “Come here and show it to me then.” Seokjin plastered a welcoming, pleasant expression into his face and Jungkook rolled out of his blanket and skipped over with a frivolous bounce in his step and sketchbook in hand.   As Seokjin observed him approaching, he thought to himself how pale and pliable Jungkook’s skin looked; How nice it would feel to bruise and bite and twist.   The boy stood at the other side of Seokjin’s desk, swinging for side to side while Seokjin flipped through the pages. It seemed he was waiting for some praise or something.. “Why do you draw these, Kook?”   “Cause I love flowers, hyung.”   “Yeah, I can tell. I wanna know why.” The young boy’s smile faded a tad while still attempting to keep it.   “Me and my Grandmama would plant them all year round when her garden was all big and pretty. But after she went to heaven, my Poppa didn’t want to grow anymore..” His voice got smaller and smaller as he went on, “So I drew them from memory instead.”   Seokjin kept his gaze on the boy while he spoke. He kept keeping little secrets from Seokjin and he didn’t like it. That would have to stop.   “Why didn’t your Grandpop let you grow more?”   He looked away from the older man and held his hands together behind his back. “Um, I-I had more important things to be helping with than gardening. Things like cleaning the floor and sweeping the stairs and doing the dishes and keeping everything tidy...If things weren’t tidy then everything would go wrong..”   Seokjin frowned. Jungkook had been a little slave all of his life, didn’t he realise that? How could someone be so weak? Seokjin had so many questions going through his head as to why the boy had been used and abused so much and had no knowledge of why it wasn’t normal. Didn’t he have friends when he was younger?         Seokjin closed the notepad abruptly.“What do you want for tea?”   Jungkook seemed completely fine with changing the subject and pursed his lips to come up with an answer to Seokjin’s question. “Umm, what do you want for tea, hyung?”   Of course he wouldn’t have chosen himself, the little squirt.     Seokjin smirked. “Pasta.”     “Okay, hyung, what kind?”   “Why don’t you chose?”   Jungkook’s eyes grew twice the size as he stared in disbelief. He’d never been asked to make this decisionbefore! “Uh, um..” and with that, Seokjin flipped down his glasses and returned to his paperwork. If he didn’t finish this by tomorrow evening, his father would whoop his ass.       ***       [present day]   “What did I tell you about putting the remote back by the TV!” Jungkook paused scrubbing the dried up black bean noodles from the bowls and pots that were forgotten about last night. He cringed at himself and scrunched his face, only to wince when he felt the lengthy bruise on his left cheek. It was the same shape and size as Seokjin’s fingers. He felt his whole body heat up with embarrassment and shame as he was reminded why it was there. Why that place between his legs throbbed like it had its own heartbeat and why his eyes were swollen red from all of his pathetic crying.   “Jungkook!”   His hyung’s voice alerted him again so he dropped everything he was doing to attend to the problem. Skittering like a puppy into their living room, Jungkook braced himself for Seokjin’s wrath. He turned around and stood up from where he was knelt down to look under the sofa.     “Come here.”     It was Seokjin’s day off today so Jungkook was extra on-edge. Since last night he hadn’t spoken a word or made any noise at all for that matter. The boy had gone mute. He felt as though his words didn’t matter anymore, he had to show Seokjin he loved him, not whine like Seokjin always told him not to.     “Find it.”     As soon as Seokjin finished the first word, Jungkook was on his hands and knees searching for the remote. Then, on searching the sofas, underneath the pillows and between the armrests. He couldn’t find it. He though of one more place where it might be: the bedroom. Jungkook sprinted like a young deer all the way down the corridors and was reminded of everywhere that hurt. He still hadn’t attended to his wounds after Seokjin’s attempt last night. He found the remote on their dressing table. He must have taken it there yesterday for some reason. So stupid!     Jungkook handed over the remote like a guilty pupil handing over a toy he had broken.   Then, he stood, feet together, hands behind his back, head down. Just like he had been taught.   “Go sit down,” he said after his disappointed tut.   That was a close call. Maybe not talking was best. Maybe if he didn’t say a word then Seokjin wouldn’t get so mad from now on. If he doesn’t get mad it means he loves me more!   Despite not being punished this time, Jungkook was a trembling mess. He sat down with shaky legs and couldn’t sit back and relax his back for the life of him. Seokjin joined him on the sofa, completely oblivious to Jungkook’s mental breakdown.   After Seokjin had decided on what movie to watch, he turned his gaze to Jungkook who was staring into his own lap. The older man thought to himself for a minute before getting up to collect a few things. Things that would help calm Jungkook’s nerves a bit.     ***     Jungkook was secretly excited as he watched his hyung carefully roll a.. cigarette? It was new and new things excited him so much he couldn’t keep still. He wasn’t sure what it was because it looked green. His Poppa would smoke tobacco all day long but that didn’t look like this.. But Seokjin was willing to give him some so he should be thankful!   He waited patiently, eyes glued to the older man’s strong, beautiful hands. The way they worked fascinated Jungkook, the way they drew his attention to them all the time.   Seokjin lifted the rolled up substance to Jungkook’s lips and told him to hold it there while he lit the end with a stern expression. Once it was, he instructed Jungkook to inhale slowly so that he wouldn’t choke. Jungkook did as he was told with wide, trusting eyes. After three more puffs, some spluttering and some wheezing, Jungkook had already started feeling the calming, euphoric effects.   “I think that’s enough for now,” Seokjin commented. The older man had brought some liquor and some cola to the coffee table as well.   This wouldn’t be the first time Seokjin got him drunk, but the rollie thing was a first.   Seokjin made a concoction into each of their glasses while he finished the spliff and sat back to relax while Jungkook felt his whole body sink into the fabrics.   “Dishes.” Was the first word that left the boy’s mouth since last night.   “Hm?” Seokjin stared at the movie that was playing.   “I need to finish...” Jungkook started to get up slowly, he felt the whole world move slower and fuzzier. He let out a choked laugh as Seokjin reached to pull the boy to his body and keep him there. “Wha-“   “Stay there and drink what I made you.”   Jungkook let his body relax into Seokjin’s hold as he let it kick in and gave in to the pleasure.   Suddenly he felt those big hands grip his chin.   Seokjin’s body smelt of rum, and Seokjin’s breath smelt of rum, and Seokjin’s lips tasted of rum. Jungkook’s fingers twitched at his side. Seokjin’s fingers held his waist firmly. Seokjin’s breath caught in a warm rush over the roof of Jungkook’s mouth. Seokjin’s tounge brushed wet and forceful against his own.   He detached, “Fuck, you feel that?” Seokjin sounded inebriated but not as much as Jungkook felt. Euphoria ran through his bones like waves of sweetness and the alcohol only enhanced it. The attention Seokjin was giving him made last night feel worth it. If he had to go through the pain to have his hyung love him like this the morning after, then it was all worth it.   “Water.” Words kept slipping from his mind to his mouth. “My mouth..” he trailed off.   “Here you go.” Suddenly Seokjin was stood in front of him with a huge glass of water. When did that happen?   Without hesitation, Jungkook gulped down the water like a dying man, making the sweetest little noises as he swallowed. Seokjin had his eyes on the boy’s throat everytime the water slipped down his throat and his adam’s-apple bobbed up and down. Some of the water had dribbled past his lips and slid down his taught skin.   Seokjin grabbed the glass and set it on the table without warning.   “Get down.” He sounded breathless as he pulled Jungkook onto his knees in front of him. He pushed his hands into is track pants and pulled out his member.   Jungkook smiled, all giddy and high.         Seokjin smiles back, darkness behind it. Seokjin grabbed his penis in one hand and a bunch of Jungkook’s hair in the other. With no resistance, Jungkook sank the length down is throat and past his gag reflex. Although, he had been a little too enthusiastic for his own good. As soon as the older man’s length touched his reflex he choked and wretched loudly and had to turn his head to the side because of Seokjin’s strong hold that was stopping him from pulling off.   “Ugh-guh-,” Saliva globbed our of his mouth and into Seokjin’s pants. “I’m sorry. I-I-“   Seokjin ignored his protest and guided Jungkook’s head back down. “You need a haircut, baby.” He grunted listening to Jungkook’s gluggling as he fucked his throat like a toy.   After a few minutes of squirming and gagging later, Seokjin came. He pushed Jungkook’s face right down into his lower stomach and thrusted all the way in, choosing to ignore Jungkook’s attempts at getting catching a breath.   After he had cleaned up Seokjin’s cum and had wiped his face, he was still feeling giddy and felt the need to run his hands over their fluffy cushions. He wasn’t pleased with his performance at all with all of his wining and gagging, he could have done better for his hyung..   “Drink up.” Seokjin handed Jungkook his unfinished glass while he was still kneeled between his legs. Jungkook finished off the foul tasting substance, then leaned his head down on Seokjin’s concealed crotch.   “I could try again, hyung..?” He needed to try again! He needed to make Seokjin feel better!   "Kook, come sit up here." He patted his lap.   Jungkook felt guilt and crippling embarrassment ripple through his body. He never did anything right. Seokjin never praised him these days, he thought to himself. There must be something wrong with him! He has to be better from now on.   “Your turn?” Seokjin placed his wide palms on Jungkook’s crotch and gave it a squeeze. His vision swayed.   Seokjin’s voice was echoed deep in his skul. “Huh?”   “You want me to play with you?”   The question struck a cord in Jungkook that alarmed him. He started to panic, all other worries vanishing, leaving him with the image of Seokjin sucking and playing with his privates the way he did to him. Jungkook felt his empty stomach lurch and twist with anxiety. He was going to vomit any second now.   “Jungkook, why the fuck are you freaking out? I only asked you a fucking question..what’s wrong with you? You should be bloody grateful!” The older man’s temper flared like a match with help from the alcohol.   Only then did Jungkook realise how rapid his breathing had become, and how it hurt his rips everytime he inhaled, and how tears had gathered and had clouded his eyes. He was shaking again.   Jungkook squealed as his hyung shoved him off of his lap so that he landed awkwardly on the edge of the sofa, damaging his sore ribs once again. Seokjin pulled him back quickly to face him by his shabby, overgrown hair, confused at Jungkook’s floppy limps, as he leaned above the boy, his other hand covered Jungkook’s necklace of bruises that encircled his throat.   Jungkook braced himself for the sting of Seokjin’s thick ring that would always catch his cheekbones when he was slapped.     When he couldn’t help but gurgle and hurl over in agony.     When such exquisite hands would be responsible for such torture.     When tints of stunningly-sickening-mulberry, viridian and saffron would swell beneath his sheer skin like ink.     Seokjin took a moment to stare into Jungkook’s eyes. Jungkook was drowning. He felt his hyung’s eyes swallow him whole, he was sure of it. He was going to pass out for sure, any second now.   “You’re wrecked, Kook. I think you’re whiteying..” his face creased in what looked like worry.   “What does that mean, hyungie?” Jungkook’s whole form trembled and wobbled as he struggled to keep his balance despite his position on his knees. He felt his eyes float into the back of his sockets and a bubble rising from his organs to his chest, up his oesophagus and into his mouth. Into his mouth!?   The poor boy vomited the sparse liquid that he had in his system over Seokjin’s precious, expensive flooring. He gagged again and again until he hurled up what tasted like bile.   While the boy threw up, groaning and lurching, the older man stood with his hands over his face in frustration.   “You’ll be the end of me, one day.” End Notes Just to make a few things clearer to my readers: Jungkook knows absolutely nothing about mental health, what a healthy relationship is as well as healthy, safe sex. He hasn’t been to school since he was young. Despite this fact, he rarely attended due to various reasons. He has a very limited view on the world and the one he lives in because of how isolated he has always been. This means for his age, he is mentally stunted and is extremely reliant on anyone older. Unfortunately the people that he should have been able to trust and rely on have abused it and so Jungkook often turns to regression and dissociation to deal with his anxieties and fears and traumas. More of this will become clear in future chapters so don’t worry. Always remember that whether it’s Jungkook’s point of view or Seokjin’, they are both unreliable narrators.   ***   I’m so sorry. Subscribe and bookmark for more Comment below if you'd like me to continue I'm a lazy ass person so kudos and compliments will keep me sweet and motivated to finish this :)) Find me on insta: podojuseu Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!