Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/3227966.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Graphic_Depictions_Of_Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      Other
  Fandom:
      Les_Misérables_-_All_Media_Types
  Relationship:
      Enjolras_&_Grantaire, Enjolras/Grantaire, Minor_or_Background
      Relationship(s), Combeferre/Courfeyrac
  Character:
      Enjolras_(Les_Misérables), Grantaire_(Les_Misérables), Les_Amis_de_l'ABC,
      Combeferre_(Les_Misérables), Courfeyrac_(Les_Misérables), Original
      Characters
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_Modern_Setting, Dark, Sexual_Slavery, Rape, Rape
      Recovery, Torture, Genderqueer_Grantaire, Psychological_Trauma, Male
      Lactation, Whipping, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, Dehumanization, Slow_Burn,
      Starvation, Triggers, Eventual_Enjolras/Grantaire, Eating_Disorder_Not
      Otherwise_Specified, Crying, Nightmares, Abuse, Forced_Prostitution,
      Forced_estrogen_injections, Self-Hatred, if_i_missed_something_let_me
      know, Past_Child_Abuse, Implied/Referenced_Self-Harm, Slurs, Mental
      Anguish, Enjolras_Has_Feelings, Guilt, Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder_-
      PTSD, Misgendering, Self-Harm, Cutting, Genderfluid_Grantaire, Pet_Play,
      Minor_Character_Death, Collars, Gags, Pedophilia, Past_Child_Molestation,
      Implied/Referenced_Incest, Parent/Child_Incest, Explicit_Sexual_Content,
      Father/Son_Incest, Human_Trafficking, coerced_sex, grantaire_gets_a_cat,
      Frozen_Yogurt, Fluff_and_Angst, Sex_Repulsion, Vomiting, Comfort, Rape/
      Incest, Recovery, Fluff, Day_At_The_Beach, Suicide_Attempt, Character
      Development, Emotional_Manipulation, Heartache
  Stats:
      Published: 2015-01-25 Updated: 2015-10-28 Chapters: 20/? Words: 51484
****** Heal ******
by orphan_account
Summary
     Inspired by (Un)Deserving but quite different. Grantaire is rescued
     out of legal sexual slavery by Enjolras and has a long road of
     recovery ahead and trauma to sort through, and he isn't the only one.
     Lots of potentially triggering things, please be careful.
     Orphaned because while I'm proud to have a work gotten this popular,
     it's associated with some really bad times in my life and I'm a bit
     revolted to have this sort of thing on my page. However, I still want
     people to be able to read if they like. I appreciate every comment
     people left on here, and I may come back and see more even if I can
     no longer reply. Your support has always been important. -Scarfy
***** Chapter 1 *****
In the past, Grantaire would be upset when he was referred to as an "it" by his
masters.
Now he was starting to agree. He no longer felt right, she felt just as wrong,
and Grantaire was so far gone that it felt as though maybe Grantaire was lower
than an animal, not even honored enough to have a gender.
The constant sex, beatings, starvation, and exhaustion were horrible. But
apparently they hadn't put Grantaire through enough. Forcing Grantaire to never
rest and only work, work, and work more around the house wasn't enough. Forcing
Grantaire to be submissive to any man or woman who wanted to use Grantaire's
body wasn't enough. Forcing Grantaire to be whipped and wear a collar spiked on
the inside for nothing but the pleasure of Grantaire's masters and not as a
punishment for anything wasn't enough.
Grantaire had begun lactating from nipple stimulation so his masters could sell
milk and watch Grantaire hurt and ache. The idea that they might give Grantaire
something to soothe the pain of wearing a hands free breast pump almost all the
time was laughable, as well as the idea that they'd be gentler and not force
themselves inside Grantaire's body so often or beat Grantaire, but if anything
else it made things worse.
Grantaire woke up one morning to a needle injected into muscle tissue and cried
out, getting a sharp slap in the face.
"It'll really start showing some results in the months to come. Talk about a
true bitch." There was some laughing and Grantaire had only a few moments to
wonder what they meant before being pinned down and roughly penetrated, keeping
quiet and letting it happen.
The injections continued and eventually Grantaire figured out what it was, when
one of the masters let it slip in a conversation to another.
"You ought to see it's nipples. Starting to get a bit swollen behind them. Soon
it's gonna have nice tits like a proper little whore."
The injections were estrogen.
That was a year ago.
Grantaire was shackled to a wall, naked as usual and arms stretched out. His
nipples and small breasts ached and milk was dribbling out, full and painful
and hours overdue to be pumped. Grantaire still thought of himself as a he, but
mostly out of habit. He was better than it, not that Grantaire deserved having
a pronoun, that was for people, but it was an old, selfish habit.
"We'll see how it handles a whipping. Most owners don't like softies."
He was marked as one of the cheapest slaves to be sold. Partly because he'd
started crying after only thirty lashes, partly because of how used and weak
he'd become from years of abuse, and for the half man, half witch thing he'd
become, looking out of place in his own genderless body.
No one had bid on him at first.
That meant he went to a discount room, where owners could come by and examine
those still left for themselves, touching and testing them and maybe even
getting a free fuck out of them. The added interaction was out of desperation,
so they'd be sold for sure. If not, well, he might get put to sleep.
At this point, Grantaire wasn't sure he wanted to live anyway.
He knelt on a mat on a sort of exam table a little below waist height, head
bowed and hands behind his scarred back. Grantaire's entire body was covered in
scars and the occasional stained skin where old blood from injuries didn't
drain from beneath. He was ugly and he was also leaking milk, which would
either seal a deal or be the death of him.
A man came in and Grantaire held back a sigh of relief. Someone was interested.
"It's a real mess, but it's on sale. I'm sure you'll find some use for it."
"Let me look at him in peace." Grantaire blinked, mildly surprised the man has
referred to him as a he. "Look at me."
Grantaire obeyed the command and his breath caught for just a moment. The man
was gorgeous, no other word for it. Golden blond hair, soft features, and a
sort of coldness that added to it, like on fashion magazines Grantaire saw the
covers of. He looked up at him and decided that he would definitely not mind
being taken by him as much as the others.
"My name is Enjolras. I'm going to examine you, and ask you some questions.
Reply honestly, and address me as sir. Understand?"
"Yes sir," said Grantaire with as much politeness as he could muster up.
Enjolras was surprisingly gentle as he felt Grantaire's back and shoulders,
running his hands down Grantaire's arms, checking for broken bones. "Have you
ever been injured?"
"Yes sir."
"How so?"
Fear fluttered in Grantaire's chest as he recited, "Two broken ribs, a broken
ankle, a sprained wrist, a few broken fingers, and a missing tooth, sir."
Enjolras didn't react as he inspected Grantaire's hands and then let him go.
"On your back." He palpitated his chest and Grantaire grimaced when a little
more milk squeezed out of him. "How long have you been lactating?"
"About a year and a half, sir. I think. I'm not sure, I'm very sorry, sir."
"Have you been on hormones?"
"Yes sir, for over a year."
Enjolras traveled down to his hips and examined his cock and balls, feeling
them and giving no sign of approval or disappointment. "Roll over."
Grantaire did so and bit his tongue when Enjolras gently, almost lovingly,
parted his cheeks to examine his rim. "Lube."
He heard the soft snap of a medical glove and a moment later Enjolras's finger
was probing him and then pressing in, making Grantaire bite his lip and a warm
feeling rise in his chest that he desperately tried to keep down. Arousal and
attraction were not meant to be his and Enjolras could get upset that he was so
self centered. The lubricant and small intrusion was a genuine relief from what
he was used to and he kept down a moan, glad when Enjolras took his finger out
so he wouldn't embarrass himself in front of Enjolras and the employee.
"Kneel up."
Grantaire returned to his starting position and Enjolras raised his head with
his hand. "Tell me why you're being sold."
"I have difficultly keeping an erection on command to pleasure female clients
due to the estrogen shots. Combined with my unattractive appearance and low
pain tolerance, my masters sold me, sir." Grantaire unconsciously shook as
Enjolras ran a hand through his hair and stroked him, in an almost comforting
way.
"You are unusually well spoken. Why?"
Grantaire's heart skipped a beat, hoping Enjolras didn't think it was a bad
thing but got the feeling that it was. "I- I listen to people speak, sir, and I
want to show my respect through speaking as best I can to you, sir. I hope you
are not offended, sir."
"I'm buying you."
Relief and happiness bubbled inside of Grantaire. "Thank you, sir." Enjolras
paid for him and Grantaire stayed kneeling, waiting for Enjolras to give him
permission to stand.
To his surprise Enjolras buckled a red collar around his neck and Grantaire
couldn't hide his shock. An unique collar meant his owner was proud to have
him, but that didn't seem possible, he couldn't have earned one so fast. "You
are mine," stated Enjolras, answering Grantaire's unasked question. "I want you
and everyone else to know you are. Stand and walk with me."
"Yes sir." Enjolras clipped a leash to the collar and Grantaire obeyed and
followed him out.
There was something about Enjolras that Grantaire wanted to genuinely please
him and make him happy. He would do anything for Enjolras and wanted just to be
told he was good and deserved his collar. Grantaire would part his legs for
Enjolras without fearing punishment, just to know he was giving Enjolras
pleasure. A willing submissiveness overtook him and even knowing Enjolras would
likely hurt him somehow once they were at his home, he was content.
They took a train home. Enjolras guiding him to a compartment with a lock on
the door, clearly meant for Enjolras to start using his new toy. Grantaire
immediately sank to his knees on the floor and bowed his head, hoping if was
what Enjolras wanted.
Enjolras closed and locked the door and sat down on a padded bench seat. "I
have some things to tell you. Please, sit beside me or on the other bench."
Grantaire looked up at Enjolras with confusion but sat next to him as he'd been
told.
"I didn't buy you as a slave. I bought you to set you free, to give you a home
and when you were ready, let you go out into the world to live your own life.
I'm an abolitionist. I apologize for how I treated you when I examined you, I
can't let on to people that I want to set people free. My parents fund me and
if they knew what I was doing they'd cut my money and I wouldn't be able to get
anyone else out."
Grantaire was silent and he knew it was a test but he didn't know what to do.
Enjolras was obviously lying, and maybe it was to see if Grantaire was stupid
enough to fall for it and try to run.
Enjolras sighed, not surprised by Grantaire's lack of a reaction. "It's okay,
it takes some getting used to. You've been through a lot." He looked kindly at
Grantaire, who stared at him with wide eyes. "What's your name?"
Grantaire had to think about it, since the last time he had heard it spoken
aloud was when he was fifteen. "Grantaire, sir."
"What gender do you identify as? Male, female, non binary? There's no right or
wrong answer, I just want to make sure you're comfortable."
Grantaire though for awhile. "I don't know, sir. I don't feel male anymore,
hormones aside, and female doesn't sound right. Maybe that other one? Does that
mean neither, or both? Because I'm maybe a mix. I'm sorry I don't know it's
just been hard since I don't feel much like a person anymore, I don't think
about it much. I'm sorry sir it is unacceptable for property to express itself
in such a way I will accept any punishment you see fit master-"
"Shhh." Grantaire instantly fell silent and braced himself for Enjolras to hit
him. He was surprised when Enjolras draped an arm over his shoulders and gave
him a side hug. "You've been through a lot, and I know it's hard to unlearn,
but I'm not going to hurt you. Ever."
Grantaire submissively bowed his head and Enjolras rubbed his back. "Would you
like to wear clothes?"
"I have no preference, master. I defer to you."
Enjolras sighed and stood up, pulling out his luggage and getting underwear, a
green t-shirt, and jeans for Grantaire that looked like his size. "Put these
on."
Grantaire was relieved to be given a command and did as he was told, feeling
odd to be dressed like a person. Enjolras beckoned Grantaire to sit back down
and Grantaire did so, wondering if Enjolras wanted them to bond so Grantaire
would willingly do what he wanted. It was a rare tactic, but not unheard of.
"I think you may feel bigender or genderfluid, and I'll use he pronouns with
you for now. If you ever want to switch then please tell me."
"If it pleases you more, sir, my previous masters found that calling me a she
on occasion made saying things like cockslut, bitch, and whore more fun for
them." Enjolras looked revolted and Grantaire quickly added, "But I do not want
to assume you enjoy ladies, sir, if it's a turn off-"
"Grantaire, it's okay. I'm not going to use you for sex. I'm not going to use
you for anything. I want to heal you physically, emotionally, and mentally so
you can have a good life." Enjolras noticed Grantaire was leaking milk through
his shirt and Enjolras got up. "I'm going to see if I can find a breast pump
for you. I'll be right back."
Grantaire felt wrong to be sitting on the bench and got on the floor again,
feeling scared of being punished for it. Some owners liked to tell them to
break a rule just so they could hit them. He waited and heard Enjolras sigh
when he came back in.
"I found a pump. I'm sorry about not having one, I didn't think of it at
first." Enjolras handed it to Grantaire and said, "Shirt off while you pump,
I'm assuming you know how to use a manual one."
"Yes sir." Grantaire didn't move from his kneeling position as he tossed his
shirt off and started pumping out his milk as fast as he could. He felt
relieved and lighter when he filled two bottles and the pain in his chest
faded. "Thank you, sir." He handed Enjolras the bottles, assuming he might like
to drink some of his milk and he looked up at Enjolras as he scooted between
Enjolras's slightly parted legs. "May I show you my appreciation, sir?"
Enjolras had stopped him from hurting, so it was only fair that Grantaire
should suck him off.
Enjolras shook his head and nudged Grantaire away. "No. I don't want you to
service me like that."
"How, then?"
"I told you. I don't want to use you at all."
Grantaire tried to figure out how he was supposed to do this. "So am I to be a
housekeeper?"
"No."
"A pet?" That didn't sound so bad, and the idea of Enjolras petting him and
telling him to do things to amuse himself seemed nice.
"No!" Grantaire flinched back and Enjolras softened. "I'm sorry. No, you're not
going to serve me. I'm going to take care of you, and make you ready to be
free. You should have the same rights I have."
Grantaire felt panic rise up in him. "Sir, I can't. I-I can't."
"Not right now, but eventually." To Grantaire's horror, Enjolras knelt beside
him and pressed his forehead against Grantaire's. "I know it's hard, and it'll
take awhile, but you'll be able to. You can stay with me as long as you like,
weeks, months, perhaps even a year if need be, and you can be free when you're
ready."
Grantaire felt a sob rise out of his chest and he backed away from Enjolras
into a corner, crying and shaking his head. "Please master, stop being so
cruel, i cannot take such emotional teasing, please have me whipped or caned
and be done with it." He undressed and presented Enjolras with the jeans and
underwear, tears rolling down his face. "I'll be good, I promise, please, I
promise, I'll serve you as best I can but you don't have to break me like this,
I'll do whatever you want."
It had been a long time since Grantaire had cried, not including when his body
was in so much pain it couldn't be helped, but like this, when he actually felt
so afraid and broken that he registered having emotions and needed to cry. He
knew it was bad, he was never supposed to cry, and it was such a bad impression
that he was scared Enjolras would throw him away.
Enjolras took the clothes and set them down. He knelt beside Grantaire, who now
had nowhere to go in the corner, and gently stroked his face, his thumb wiping
away a tear. Grantaire looked up at him and could see Enjolras was worried and
thrown off guard. "Dear God, what have they done to you?"
Grantaire wondered if Enjolras was referring to his scars and replied, "Nothing
I didn't deserve, sir. More than I deserved."
Enjolras frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Several of my masters had me thank them for correcting me, because it was
effort for them and I need to be glad they didn't put me to sleep." Grantaire
sniffled and closed his eyes, unable to stop more tears from falling. "That's
what you're going to do, isn't it? I'm worthless, stupid, ugly, and I can't
even make milk you'd want to drink."
"Oh Grantaire." Enjolras hugged Grantaire and held him close, trying to soothe
him and help him stop shaking. "You're safe. You're okay. I lo-, um, care for
you. I want to help you. What do you need?"
"If it isn't too much, sir, I would like a meal a day." It was a huge request
in Grantaire's eyes, but if Enjolras wanted him to he honest, he didn't do well
when he was starved.
Enjolras couldn't hold back and started crying himself. "You'll have at least
two, preferably three a day. And no one is going to hit you ever again."
Grantaire let Enjolras hold and comfort him and he relaxed. Just for now, he
allowed himself to believe Enjolras and he sobbed freely.
Enjolras instructed him to put the clothes back on when the train stopped and
Grantaire obeyed, following him out and into a taxi, which took him to a large
house with beautiful gardens. He followed Enjolras inside and looked around,
partly amazed at how nice the house was and mostly thinking about how much
upkeep it would need, which was a lot.
They walked into a living room that already had a crowd of about twenty people,
half with collars and half without. Enjolras moved to the front of the room and
cleared his throat.
"Okay everyone, my name is Enjolras. I know most of you are tired so I'll make
this quick. I got you all to set you free, although my friends here helped me
by picking you out, the legal documents say you're mine. At auctions we have to
ect like the others so we're not suspected, but we're abolitionists. We got you
so we can set you free as soon as you're ready."
The room filled with cheers and Enjolras smiled. "You can take your collars off
and act however you like, of course don't hurt anyone, blah blah, but tonight
is for celebration, rest, and the beginning of the rest of your lives!"
Everyone cheered even louder and lots of people hugged each other. One girl,
however, looked at Enjolras and then beside him. "Who's that then? The
exception? Your personal pet?" she snarled.
Enjolras frowned and looked at Grantaire, who had knelt and bowed his head and
hadn't made a sound. "Grantaire, please stand up."
Grantaire did so and shook, feeling like he was about to be reprimanded in
front of everyone and shame curled inside his stomach. "I'm sorry, sir," he
whispered.
"He's, ah, been through a lot," said Enjolras, looking at the dismay on
everyone else's faces. "Grantaire is very traumatized and will need time to
unlearn a lot of behaviors and mindsets, and I hope none of you are triggered.
I am not treating him badly, I assure you."
"I can vouch for Enjolras," said one of Enjolras's friends. "The last thing he
would do is mistreat any of you. I'm sure a lot of you can understand being
frightened out of your wits and not able to trust anyone, and Grantaire isn't
at fault for it."
Grantaire shyly looked up at who was talking and felt grateful for the
attractive man in glasses.
"Some of you may want to shower and go to bed, which is understandable," said a
curly haired man with a cheeky grin. "But if you wanna stay up and talk freely
and have a bit of a party, then come to me!"
Conversation started in the room again and Grantaire stayed away from the
hubbub and close to Enjolras. He looked at Enjolras and said again, "I'm
sorry."
"It's okay. If you like, maybe the two of us can talk in private? Maybe in the
dining room?" Enjolras led him there and Grantaire automatically sat on the
floor. Enjolras sighed and asked, "Could you sit on a chair?"
"I don't feel comfortable."
"Okay." Enjolras sat next to him and Grantaire frowned but didn't ask him to
posture himself above Grantaire. "Am I right in assuming that you were given
estrogen injections without your consent?"
"Yes, sir."
"I know gender is confusing for you, and that you're probably very overwhelmed.
Do you want to continue the estrogen or stop? I don't know how you feel about
it, or if you've grown accustomed to it and want your body to keep changing, or
would rather we did our best to reverse it."
Grantaire stared at the floor and thought. "I'm not sure. I hate my body, no
matter what it is. But I know I don't want to be in a halfway state like this.
What would you do if I wanted to be more male again?"
"If you wanted what breast tissue you have removed, it would require surgery. I
think we could give you more testosterone to get you more hair and muscle mass
and more of a masculine figure. I don't know that you'd ever really be the same
as before."
"Is- is it possible to keep up the shots, but to still be unsure? I feel like
I'm both, and maybe that with a feminine figure but nothing changed in my sex,
I'll feel okay? I don't know."
"That's okay. I'm glad you can tell me this. How do you feel about producing
milk?"
Grantaire shrugged. "I don't mind much, sir. But if you don't want it, there's
no point in making it. In the past it's almost been soothing, or a safe time
for me to because no one had sex with me or hit me while I used a manual pump,
although with a hands free they didn't care. The only part of me they really
valued was my milk because it sells well."
"I take it you have mixed feelings? It's a bit of a hassle, but it brings good
feelings? Help me understand." One of Enjolras's friends brought them a tray
with fruit punch and little sandwiches and cookies. Grantaire thought that the
whole tray was about how much he was normally fed over the course of a month.
"I guess. It used to hurt but it doesn't anymore, unless I get full and ache."
Enjolras nodded. "You have plenty of time to decide. Eat something, I'm sure
you're hungry."
Grantaire picked up a little sandwich, his stomach growled and his head hurt as
he looked at it, becoming aware of the hunger pains in his body. "It's really
okay, sir?"
"Yes. Eat as much as you like. I should've gotten you food on the train but I
was preoccupied, I'm sorry. Eat. You'll feel better."
Grantaire took a small bite and he widened his eyes. "It's so good!"
Enjolras smiled. "I'm glad you like it. Eat and drink your fill." He started
eating too and Grantaire closed his eyes and slowly ate, savoring every bite
like it was his last meal. He could only eat two sandwiches because he wasn't
used to eating and he took a drink of punch.
"Thank you, sir."
"You're welcome. If you want more, you can have it."
Grantaire shook his head. "I can't handle more. It's too much."
"Okay. I'm glad you ate something."
Grantaire was bone tired and warm and full and so happy that he knew none of
this could be real. He smiled and leaned his head onto Enjolras's shoulder with
a laugh. "You're beautiful, you're so beautiful, you're my angel and someday
you're gonna rescue me."
"Grantaire? I'm right here." Enjolras looked at him and Grantaire giggled
again.
"You're a dream, this is all a dream. Tomorrow they'll whip me to see how soft
I am and then I'll be sold to someone else and raped day in and day out and
maybe someday you'll rescue me." Grantaire fell asleep with a smile on his face
and Enjolras wanted to sob as he gently picked him up and carried him to his
bed.
Grantaire woke up for just a moment, but just enough to see Enjolras lay him
down and then undress, facing away from Grantaire and leaving the room quickly
after he tossed his clothes in a laundry hamper, presumably to shower. He
wondered if it meant he was in Enjolras's room but was so tired he fell asleep.
The only thing he saw that had really registered were the deep whip scars on
Enjolras's back, and he thought of them and what it meant as he slept.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     Hey I just wanted to say that I was really nervous about writing this
     fic but your guys support means a lot to me and I'm so happy you like
     it so far, thank you for all the comments and kudos!
Grantaire woke up the next morning and he seized up.
He was in a bed.
Panic flooded him as he realized the previous day had been real, and while he
liked having Enjolras be his new owner, he remembered everything he had said
when he's spoken freely the night before.
He ignored the droplets of milk running down his chest as he stripped down to
everything but his collar and went to go find Enjolras.
Enjolras was in the dining area with everyone else and Grantaire knelt by him,
hearing people at the table gasp and a few whispers Grantaire assumed were
about how bad he was.
"Grantaire?"
"I'm sorry I'm late, master." Grantaire's body shook and he was cold and afraid
for what Enjolras would do to him.
The girl who had snapped at Enjolras the night before cut in. "Snap out of it.
You don't have to act like that anymore. Don't you get it?"
Grantaire shook his head. "No, mistress, I don't. I'm sorry. I don't
understand." He close his eyes and heard Enjolras's chair scrap back on the
floor.
"Come with me, we'll eat by ourselves." Grantaire stood and followed Enjolras
to the room he'd woken up in.
"I'm sorry!" Grantaire landed hard on his knees and started to cry. "I'm so
sorry, sir, I don't get it I don't understand I'm stupid I know I am I'm
sorry!"
Enjolras sat down next to him and stroked Grantaire's cheek. Grantaire leaned
into his touch and hummed, a small smile appearing on his face as Enjolras pet
and soothed him. "It's okay. You're not stupid, you've been through more
horrors in your life than I can imagine, and it's natural to be scared. I don't
think less of you for it at all." Grantaire opened his eyes to see Enjolras
giving him a watery smile. "I care about you. I want you to be healthy and
happy, and I want you to trust me. Tell me what you need. Tell me what you
want."
Grantaire eyed the plate of food Enjolras had brought up and hesitantly reached
out to pick up a slice of toast. "May I?"
"Of course."
Enjolras watched as Grantaire ate his toast with a look of utter bliss on his
face. Something so simple as bread, butter, and grape jam was commonplace to
Enjolras but heaven to Grantaire. "Can I ask you and tell you some things as
you eat?" Grantaire nodded and Enjolras smiled. "Alright. First is that I want
to get you on an estrogen pill, as opposed to a shot. It'll eliminate some pain
out of your life, and to be honest needles make me feel ill. Are you okay with
that?"
"Yes sir." Grantaire picked up some egg and sausage with his bare hands and
ignored the fork. Enjolras let it slide and pressed on.
"I also want to have you take a multivitamin. You've been starved and
malnourished, and it'll help you get stronger. I take one too, and I assure you
that it isn't a drug. Can you handle taking two pills each morning?"
"Yes sir. I used to take many a day."
Enjolras's stomach flipped and he nodded, feeling green. "I know. Um, another
thing is that I ordered a few nursing bras for you, so you can be supported and
won't have to worry about milk leaking out. I was also hoping you could help me
pick out clothes for you, both feminine and masculine, if you like."
"You're too kind, master."
"It's a basic necessity, I wouldn't want you to go without."
Grantaire was feeling lighter and better after eating and was starting to feel
ashamed about it. "May I speak freely?"
"Yes. Anytime."
"It's confusing for me, master, because you go out of your way to be kind, and
I don't know how to put it, but whenever you feed me, or comfort me, I feel
good but I feel like I don't deserve it, and that I haven't earned it, and I
feel ashamed of myself for accepting pleasure. I thought you should know, sir."
Perhaps it had all been a test to see if Grantaire was properly trained to not
want anything for himself, and he hoped Enjolras would see that he passed.
Enjolras gently took Grantaire's hand and squeezed it. "It's part of
recovering, but the feelings of guilt and shame will pass. Happiness and
comfort and being treated with decency aren't earned. They're rights. I don't
like giving you orders, because I don't want to reinforce what's been done to
you, but does it help you to know that I, your legal owner, want you to accept
pleasure when you get it?"
"Yes it does, sir." Grantaire gasped when Enjolras hugged him, pulling their
bodies together and tenderly stroking Grantaire's back.
"How does this feel?"
"It- it feels so good, sir. No one has ever touched me like you do in my
memory." Grantaire rested his head on Enjolras's shoulder and soaked in the
affection.
Enjolras felt a warm, strong pulse of emotions resound inside of him and he
held Grantaire. He wanted to love and protect Grantaire and cherish him and
make him feel loved and happy.
"I've got you, everything's okay." Enjolras resisted the urge to kiss
Grantaire's cheek as he pulled back. "Would you please get dressed?"
"Yes sir."
Grantaire quickly dressed himself and Enjolras handed him the manual breast
pump. "You must be hurting."
"Yes, I am sir."
"Pump out as much as you need too, and you can use it anytime you're too full,
okay?"
Grantaire frowned and asked, "Master?"
"Hm?"
"If my milk isn't to be drank or sold, master, why should you waste your time
having it pumped? I don't want to question an order, sir, I know I'm bad, but I
can be put to better uses. You seemed satisfied with my hole when you examined
me-"
Enjolras paled and said, "I meant it when I said I didn't get you for you to be
used in any way. When I examined you, I was acting, so they'd think I would use
you, but I'm not. I never will."
"I'm sorry I'm so ugly, sir, I once was a pretty little boy but I've been so
used and torn and-"
"Shhhhh." Enjolras felt himself panicking on the inside and scolding himself
for thinking Grantaire had progressed farther than he really had. "I suppose
that we could sell your milk if you like. Don't pressure yourself to pump out
more than you want, though. Okay? It's mostly to make you stop hurting."
"Yes sir." He didn't understand why Enjolras cared about lessening the pain he
was in and shrugged it off.
Grantaire relaxed as he pumped his milk, getting about a bottle out of each
nipple. He looked around the room as he did so, seeing clothes and books and
papers everywhere and looking like an absolute mess, but a sort of mess that
reflected business, as opposed to just sloppiness.
He set the milk on the bed and felt he should be doing something. Maybe other
members of the house would want to be served, even if Enjolras didn't.
The girl who seemed unable to leave Grantaire alone came in and scowled. "Okay.
What's your deal? Why are you still in that stupid collar?"
Grantaire curled up in on himself, feeling instantly scared and submissive and
fear shooting through his body at her angry look. "I don't know what you mean,
mistress. I'm sorry. Master's collar is a treasure to me."
She laughed bitterly and shook her head. "You're good, I'll give you that. You
not only put on the act so well, but you fucking embrace it. You EMBRACE it,
and give the fuckers who hurt me and hurt you all the satisfaction they want!
You make me sick. God, you're still pumping out milk. Disgusting."
Grantaire bowed his head and curled up tighter in on himself, resisting the
urge to sob. "Mistress is right, I don't deserve to pump out my milk because
it's disgusting and a waste and pleasures me I shouldn't do it I should be
pleasing masters they bought me haven't even whipped me yet I've been so bad so
bad I've always been bad-"
The girl was starting to get alarmed and she frowned. "How long have you been
in bondage, exactly?"
"My father sold me when I was ten, mistress. It was the most use he could get
out of me. I'm useless, dirty, worthless, stupid, and master hugged me and said
things but he can't be right I'll never be anything he won't even use me as a
slut." Grantaire started to cry and choked, "Punish me, mistress. Pl-please! I
have to be hurt to be good it's all masters want!"
It sunk in just how out if it Grantaire was and the girl was mortified. "Oh my
God I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I just- fuck I'm sorry."
Grantaire couldn't be consoled and no matter what she said he sobbed and
ignored her, lost in his own world. Enjolras heard the commotion and walked in
on the girl trying to soothe Grantaire.
"I triggered him, I'm so sorry-"
"Hush, I'll take care of him." Enjolras looked at her and asked, "What's your
name?"
"Eponine. God I- he's been used ever since he was ten, I had no idea, I'm so
sorry." She left Enjolras alone with Grantaire and Enjolras slowly rubbed
Grantaire's back.
"It's okay. I'm here. Shhhhhh." Enjolras got Grantaire to uncurl and hugged him
again, eventually calming Grantaire down. "Good. You're doing so good,
Grantaire."
"I'm sorry."
"Let's get you a shower, okay? You'll feel better after being clean."
Enjolras guided Grantaire to the bathroom and asked, "Would you like it if I
showered with you?" He sensed Grantaire needed comfort and figured it would
feel good to Grantaire to have someone help him wash his unruly mess of hair.
"Yes sir." This would be Grantaire's chance to service Enjolras.
They both undressed and Enjolras got in first, adjusting the water temperature
and sighing when he turned on the shower head and the warm water hit his skin.
"Come here."
Grantaire got in in front of Enjolras, and as Enjolras reached for the shampoo
Grantaire braced his hands against the shower wall, bowed his head, and stuck
his butt out, presenting himself to Enjolras to be fucked.
"Grantaire, I don't want sex with you. I want to wash your hair."
Well, it made sense that Enjolras would want him cleaned. He let Enjolras
massage shampoo into his scalp and lather soap all over his body, making
Grantaire want him to stop because it felt so nice but selfishly let Enjolras
continue.
Enjolras helped Grantaire out of the shower so he could dry off and Enjolras
followed a few minutes later, tying a towel around his waist first thing so
Grantaire wouldn't get any ideas. "Are you okay?"
"Yes sir."
"Get dressed and I'll take you to our library, okay?"
Grantaire stared at him in amazement. "You want me to read?"
"Yes. It's an important life skill. If you're not very good at first it's okay.
I'm here to teach you."
Grantaire filled with dread as he followed Enjolras to the library. Here, the
act would end and he'd see just how worthless Grantaire was.
"Hmmmm, how about Harry Potter? I can see what you know. Can you read aloud for
me?"
"I-I'll try, sir." Enjolras climbed onto a windowseat and patted the spot next
to him for Grantaire. Grantaire tried to kneel up but Enjolras reached out and
touched his shoulder.
"Sit like I am."
"Yes sir." Grantaire folded his legs beneath him and looked down at the book.
He shakily opened it to the first page, knowing that the story began where
there were a lot of words. He gazed at the picture of the sleeping baby for a
moment and tried to make sense of what he was seeing. "Chapter one." He could
see the number 1 and had rightfully assumed that the word in front of it was
'chapter'. "The boy wo- wahu- um-"
"Who," said Enjolras gently. "You're doing well."
"Th-thank you." Grantaire was starting to sweat. "The boy who- loved?"
"Lived. Close."
Grantaire flinched, like he thought Enjolras would hit him for not reading
properly. Enjolras noticed and said, "You won't be punished for anything. I
just want to see how much you know, so I know what to teach you. You're doing
really good."
He looked down at the mass of text and squinted, trying to make sense of it. He
could see it started with an M, because it was larger, but not much else. "Sir,
I- I can't see the rest. It's blurry, and the letters are all jumbled, I'm so
sorry." Grantaire closed his eyes and felt shame rise inside of him.
"You might need glasses. You could also be dyslexic." Grantaire bit his tongue
and felt like sobbing again, because he was so stupid and couldn't understand
and couldn't even read a page of a book and this is why he was thrown away in
the first place and-
"Grantaire? It's okay. Combeferre wears glasses, and there's a lot of people
out there with dyslexia. It's nothing to be ashamed of." Enjolras squeezed his
shoulder at smiled at him. "I have an idea for what might help in the meantime,
since I can't get you glasses today. I'll be right back."
He half expected Enjolras to bring a whip, to beat him into being smarter, but
if he was going to do that he would've threatened and scared Grantaire first,
so that he'd be dreading it and already on his knees. Grantaire wasn't
expecting an iPad, since the idea of letting a slave be near something so
important seemed ridiculous.
"I've heard that reading off of a screen can make the letters stop moving so
much, and I can zoom in for you." Enjolras settled down next to Grantaire and
handed him the tablet. "I can't change the font, but we'll see if this helps."
Grantaire stared at the tablet. "Y-you want me to hold this?"
"Yes, and read what you can."
The letters were a lot bigger, and Grantaire realized they didn't seem so
jumbled. It seemed impossible that the mess of text from the book could be the
same as the clear, large lines he was looking at. "Um, what does M R with a dot
mean?"
"Mister. And the M R S with a dot means misses."
"Thank you." Grantaire looked at the page displayed on the iPad again, his
heart racing. "Mister and Misses Du-Durs- Dursley?"
"Correct, it's a name."
"Mister and Misses Dursely, of noo-nu-number four, Priv-ay, et? Privet?"
Enjolras nodded and he continued, "...Privet Drive, were prood, no, proud to
say they where, um, were, prefect-"
"Perfectly."
"Perfectly nor-normmmm- normal? Perfectly normal, thank you very much."
Grantaire stumbled through the rest of the page with help, and was relieved
when Enjolras took the tablet back. "I'm sorry, sir. I'm stupid, I can't read
hardly any words over five letters long I-"
"It's okay." Enjolras draped an arm around Grantaire's shoulders and gave him a
smile. "You did really good. I've taught people older than you who don't even
remember their alphabet, and the fact that you can read at all after all these
years is remarkable. This book is at grade five or six reading level, about
when you were taken out of school, correct?"
"Yes sir. I was in fourth grade when I was sold. It would've been fifth but I'd
been held back." Shame boiled up inside of him, he'd been stupid forever, his
father was right to get what he could out of him, worthless child who couldn't
add four and seven together-
"Hey, it's alright. We all learn at different paces, and if you have dyslexia,
I bet you weren't given accommodations. It's not your fault." Enjolras looked
directly at Grantaire and said, "I picked the book because it's one of my
favorites, and it's a little above your level when you were taken out of
school. I expected you to struggle a bit." He saw Grantaire's face and added
quickly, "I meant that I wanted it to be a little above you so you'd be
learning and becoming a stronger reader, not to set you up to fail. You didn't
fail at all."
Grantaire wasn't sure how to respond. "Yes sir."
Enjolras ran his hand through Grantaire's slightly damp, dark, curly hair. It
was about two inches past his shoulders, and Enjolras thought it was beautiful.
"I'm going to get you some clothes tonight. Is there anything you'd like in
particular?"
"Anything you wish, sir."
"Do you have a favorite color? Green? Blue?"
"Um, maybe dark colors, sir?" Grantaire sounded nervous and Enjolras nodded.
"That's great, thank you. As far as feminine things go, would you like dresses
or skirts? Blouses? Floral things? What do you think?"
"I don't know. Whatever you think would look good on me sir. Maybe, um, it's
odd to ask, but I'd like to try a, er, panties," whispered Grantaire, a blush
rising to his cheeks.
"I'll get some for you. Thank you."
Grantaire watched Enjolras leave and felt empty. He had no purpose, no use, no
orders, nothing but to sit there and be spoiled. He got up and wandered the
house, wanting so much to have life make sense.
He bumped into the man with glasses out in the hallway and assumed he was the
Combeferre Enjolras mentioned. He dropped to his knees and Combeferre looked
startled. "Hello. Grantaire, right?"
"Yes sir. I am ready to serve you."
"Get up off your knees, please. And don't call me sir, you can call me
Combeferre."
Grantaire stood and still had his head bowed. "Yes master Combeferre."
Combeferre frowned and Grantaire patiently waited for him to give him an order.
"What do you want to do?"
"Whatever pleases master Combeferre."
"Well, I don't want to tell you what to do, but if you want to, you can help us
get dinner ready. Courfeyrac, Feuilly, Jehan and I wouldn't mind if you
helped."
"Thank you, master Combeferre." Tension drained out of Grantaire. He had an
order that he could follow. Then he would kneel at the table, then he would
need to pump more milk.
His milk.
Grantaire realized that his milk had likely spoiled and he tapped Combeferre on
the shoulder urgently. "I'm very sorry master Combeferre, I shall take any
punishment you give me gratefully, my milk is spoiling in master's room-"
"No, actually. I saw Enjolras put the bottles in the fridge earlier. Your milk
is just fine."
"Thank you, sir." The only thing he did right the whole day was because his
master actually did it for him.
Grantaire followed Combeferre to the kitchen and one of the other people turned
to look at him. "I thought we weren't having any former slaves cook for us."
"I'm not, sir. I still am one. It is all I shall ever be. Please allow me to
assist, master."
"Call me Feuilly, and I insist-"
"Feuilly, let him help. He wants some routine and well, I don't know what else
to do." Combeferre guided Grantaire to a bubbling pot of soup on the stove and
said softly, "Can you cook?"
"Yes sir."
"You can stir that as it simmers, if you like." He wanted Grantaire to feel
useful and needed and it did the trick. Grantaire stirred with a face of utmost
concentration.
"I'm Courfeyrac, Combeferre's datemate," said the one with curly hair. "If you
ever wanna talk, you can come to me, or any of us."
"Yes, master Courfeyrac," replied Grantaire, knowing he would never fall into
that particular trap.
He waited by Enjolras's chair at the head of the table and knelt, ignoring any
request for him to sit down in a chair. Enjolras finally got home halfway
through dinner and Grantaire had refused food, stating that he would only
accept it from master, and that master hadn't said he was allowed to accept
food from anyone like Combeferre or Courfeyrac.
Enjolras sat down and asked Grantaire, "Have you eaten?"
"No, master. I waited for you. Other sirs tried to feed me but I was not sure
you'd allow it, sir."
"You're allowed to eat anything anyone else gives you, okay?"
Grantaire's heart plummeted. He seemed incapable of doing anything right. "Yes,
master."
"Can I get you a bowl?"
"If it pleases you, sir."
Enjolras poured some soup into a bowl and put a piece of bread on the rim. He
have if to Grantaire who immediately wolfed it down, like it was his last meal.
He drank an entire glass of milk in one long gulp and it hurt Enjolras's chest
to see him so desperate for food.
Grantaire went up to Enjolras's room after dinner and pumped his milk again,
falling into the familiar motion and drifting away mentally from everything
confusing and hurtful.
Enjolras came in and took the bottles of milk. "I'll put these in the fridge.
Would you like to see your room?"
"Yes, master." Grantaire was imagining what his last master had him in, a cage
that doubled as a whipping bench, with a slanted top and a place on the outside
for his head to rest through a circle while he was inside and for his knees to
be on while he was outside, bent over the top. He wordlessly followed Enjolras
to a slightly smaller bedroom.
It looked like a hotel room, with a full sized bed and a few rugs and a lamp
and a little shelf and a window with soft curtains. "This- master wants me to
have a bed? Like he does?"
"Yes, I do. I want you to have it. I had you sleep in my room last night
because if was the easiest to get to and I didn't want anyone to come into a
guest bedroom looking for a place to sleep and wake you."
"Th-thank you, sir."
Enjolras smiled at Grantaire and folded back the covers so he could crawl in.
"Goodnight, Grantaire."
"Goodnight, sir."
Grantaire thought he might have nightmares, but he slept peacefully, since he
was so comfortable and tired. Grateful ness and love for Enjolras welled up
inside if him and he let those feelings dictate his dreams, meaningless happy
scenes.
Enjolras was the one who had nightmares.
***** Chapter 3 *****
Eight years later and Enjolras's dream of that night was just as vivid as
always.
Enjolras sobbed as he sagged in the shackles chaining his arms and legs apart
against the wall. His eyes were wet and red and he was shaking, his chest
heaving against the rough brickwork of the basement as he whimpered. The whip
cracked again and he screamed, his throat aching after only five hits.
"St-stop. Pl-ease!"
"When I tell you to do something, you'll do as I say."
He screamed again as the whip cut into his back. "Fa-father, PLEASE STOP!"
Enjolras sobbed brokenly as it struck again, making him jerk and cry out as
tears streamed down his face.
"Tell me you'll do it. Tell me you'll punish a slave when I tell you to." He
struck Enjolras with the whip again and Enjolras couldn't say anything, just
cry. "My, my, this is such a step down from your breeding. Would you rather I
sold you and got a lot for a pretty little thing like you, so you can join the
creatures you love so much? I'll have someone train up you good and I'll buy
you back so you'll suck my cock until you learn to behave. It won't be incest,
because you won't be my son anymore."
Enjolras was sure it was an empty threat, since his father was far too proud to
have his son be a slave, but it made him break even more, crying and screaming
when the whip hit again. "Father- PL-PLEASE! I-I-"
He struck Enjolras again and snapped, "You know what I want. Give it to me and
I'll stop." He whipped Enjolras especially hard and watched Enjolras retch.
"Any time, now."
One last hit and Enjolras screamed, "I'LL DO IT!" He bowed his head and cried
uncontrollably, defeated and weak and scared. "I-I'll do it."
"Good boy."
Enjolras woke up drenched in sweat and tears and breathing hard. He closed his
eyes and curled up into a ball, crying and hoping no one heard anything.
"Master?"
Of course Grantaire, who was right across the hall, had heard.
"Oh, hi Grantaire. Sorry for waking you."
"It's okay, sir." Grantaire sounded unsure of himself and Enjolras looked over
at him.
"Please get off your knees," asked Enjolras in a cracked voice.
Grantaire stood up and awkwardly toyed with the hem of his shirt. "Sir, I, um,
I was wondering if I might be able to do something for you. It-it's not serving
you like I'm used to, but, maybe, I know you're upset, but maybe it'd be okay
for me to hug you? I-I like hugs. Would it help?"
Enjolras was tempted to not accept because he didn't want Grantaire to ever
feel obligated to do anything but was so shaken and needed it so badly that he
nodded. Grantaire said he liked hugs so Enjolras didn't feel too bad about
letting Grantaire lay beside him and hold him, spooning Enjolras from behind
and fitting his small body against his in a surprisingly comforting way. His
arms were around Enjolras's waist and the embrace made Enjolras immediately
sleepy.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome, master."
"I'm sorry about this-"
"Please master. I slept well, and I'm glad to be here for you."
"You can sleep again if you want."
"Thank you, sir."
Enjolras expected Grantaire to leave but he stayed, his breath warm on
Enjolras's neck and it felt so nice that Enjolras drifted to sleep with a
smile, wishing before he fell asleep that he could cuddle with Grantaire every
night.
He woke up in Grantaire's arms and hummed, smiling and rolling over to hug
Grantaire without really thinking about it. Sunlight shone through the window
and Enjolras was feeling wonderful and warm, sighing as Grantaire held him.
"Morning."
"Good morning, sir."
Enjolras didn't allow himself to linger and sat up. "Would you like to see the
clothes I got you?"
"Yes sir."
Enjolras got out a shopping bag of jeans, t-shirts, socks, men's underwear,
panties, blouses, and a skirt and simple dress. He got out a shipping box and
opened it to reveal a few bras.
"All this, for me, sir?"
"Yes. For you. You like them?"
Grantaire was awestruck as he looked at everything. "Yes, thank you sir."
"You're welcome. Can you get dressed, and meet me downstairs?"
Grantaire nodded and Enjolras left him alone. He tried on a bra and it fit
nicely, supporting his small breasts and instantly easing worries about leaking
milk. Underwear at all was a novelty experience and he decided he liked the
panties better. Grantaire wanted to look as pretty as he could for Enjolras,
whether Enjolras wanted to use him or not. He slipped on the dress, the olive
green fitting over his slender frame with room to spare, room that he wanted to
fill in with curves.
If Grantaire was honest, he didn't want to be called a he at that point but
didn't dare bring it up. As nice as Enjolras seemed, it wouldn't surprise
Grantaire if a comment like "I want to be a girl" would result in something
getting hacked off.
He's seen it happen.
Grantaire bit his lip and rushed to the bathroom, staring at himself in the
mirror. He locked the door and ran a hand down his body, looking at his
skeletal face and not seeing much in the way of soft features. Not yet.
Despite that, Grantaire did a little twirl and bit his lips again to keep from
smiling. It's not like Enjolras could hear Grantaire's thoughts. Maybe
Grantaire could be a she, just in her head.
Having a choice and making her own decision felt so good. It was a naughty
thing to do, something that would earn a caning for sure, but the idea that
Grantaire could say she was a she and take back that power from the forced
estrogen and accept it or reject it to be an androgenous male or be whatever
she wanted like a person could do was so intoxicating-
She stopped, wincing like she would be hit and quickly opened the door, rushing
downstairs before she could think on what she'd done.
"You like nice." Enjolras gave Grantaire a smile and she blushed.
"Thank you, sir."
Enjolras and Combeferre were making breakfast and Grantaire felt horrible that
masters had to do it because she was busy twirling around and smiling and
Grantaire desperately tried to help but Enjolras wouldn't let her.
"I just have to finish the bacon, and Combeferre's making eggs. We have
everything else done."
"Please let me help sir-"
"I want you to relax, okay? Go talk to some people at the table, maybe show off
your new dress." Grantaire still looked upset and Enjolras said softly, "You
know how you have a desire to please us? We sort of have that too, for you.
It's not that it was trained into us, but we want to make you happy and feel
good, and it's no trouble for me to make you breakfast. I like it."
Grantaire's head was spinning and she nodded, saying nothing because she didn't
think Enjolras wanted to know that Grantaire's old masters fed her breakfast
right from their cocks if she was lucky and got nothing if she wasn't.
"Damn you're cute."
Grantaire turned around to face Eponine and gave her a shy smile. "Thank you,
mistress."
"So you're trans? Or just a crossdresser?"
"I, um, I'm not sure, mistress." Grantaire didn't dare let it out that she felt
like a girl but also didn't want to lie.
"Whatever. You're still cute." Grantaire knelt next to her and she sighed.
"You're making me uncomfortable like that."
Grantaire scrambled to get up and Eponine grimaced. "I get it, you can't help
it. But please don't do that near me."
"If you can do it, I'd like you to sit in a chair. Next to me." Enjolras pulled
up a chair next to his own and Grantaire stared.
"At- at the head of the table? Sir?"
"Yes."
Grantaire physically shook as she cautiously sat on the edge of the chair on
Enjolras's right hand side. It felt so wrong, especially with the secret she
was keeping, but masters had ordered much worse things for her to do so she
stayed, fidgeting and pecking at her eggs, bacon, toast, and milk, eyes
shifting around to everyone else at the table, expecting someone to put
Grantaire back in her place.
Almost everyone else was leaving that day, including a lot of Enjolras's
friends who had helped rescue people. Everyone else finished before Grantaire
and Enjolras and they were left alone at the table.
"I didn't want to discuss it in front of everyone, but I got your pill."
Enjolras gave Grantaire a small tab and said, "You're sure you want this? It'll
cause you to be very infertile and may make gaining muscle mass difficult among
other things. I just want to make sure you're fully okay with it."
"Yes, I am sir." Grantaire took her pill and also a larger one Enjolras handed
her which was the multivitamin.
"You've hardly touched your food. Could you eat a little more?"
Grantaire nodded. "I'll try." She felt close to throwing up but knew she really
needed more, so she finished her toast and most of the eggs.
"Good. You're doing great. Would you like to come with me to the library to
read more today?" Grantaire gave him a blank look, which Enjolras figured was
Grantaire's way of expressing not being able to make a decision and he
continued, "Well, let's go."
Ever since that morning Enjolras was getting warm, happy feelings whenever he
looked at Grantaire and was desperately trying to ignore them. He didn't dare
put Grantaire through having to deal with a relationship when Grantaire was so
fragile and didn't even have free will and after what he did those years ago,
no, it wasn't to be.
Grantaire curled up beside Enjolras, holding Enjolras's tablet like it was the
most valuable thing on earth. She stumbled through more pages and Enjolras
stepped in when it was needed. She was feeling mentally worn out and Enjolras
could see the frustration in Grantaire's eyes and gently took the tablet from
her.
"How about I read to you? You can follow along and see how the words look and
sound at the same time."
Grantaire shook her head. "Sir, it's my job so serve you you already made me
breakfast please don't-"
"I know you're going through a lot and have a lot of old mindsets, but I view
you as my equal and if I'm honest, I rather like reading aloud." Enjolras
scooted closer to Grantaire and hesitantly wrapped an arm around her waist. "Is
this okay?"
Grantaire nodded and Enjolras smiled. "Good." He started reading to her,
enjoying how Grantaire seemed to relax as she followed Enjolras's finger moving
below the words on the tablet. After a page she rested her head on his shoulder
and Enjolras's cheeks pinked as he read, knowing Grantaire needed tactile
affection not minding one bit.
"To Harry Potter, the boy who lived. I think that's enough for one day."
Enjolras turned off the tablet and looked at Grantaire, who was biting her lip.
"What're you thinking?"
"It's so selfish, sir."
"Tell me. I want you to shamelessly express yourself and your needs and wants."
Grantaire flinched but nodded. "Okay, it's- it's just- I want to know the story
sir. I want to hear more of it. I like it." She ducked her head down, expecting
a hit but feeling surprised when Enjolras stroked her hair.
"We could watch the movie version. I think you'd love it."
A movie. Grantaire couldn't remember the last time she's seen one. Happiness
bubbled inside of her and she knew what she had to do.
"I'll be right back, sir."
"Okay," said Enjolras, thinking Grantaire was just going to use the bathroom.
She stopped by the kitchen to get a sharp, serrated edged knife and walked up
to her room. Grantaire shut the door and took her dress off, because she
shouldn't stain master's property. She knelt and without a moment's hesitation
cut deep into her left arm and wrist, repeating the motion and letting the pain
replace the joy and positive feelings.
Grantaire should never be happy, Grantaire is an it, a thing, a little toy for
sex and toys don't talk or have opinions or feelings and Grantaire deserved to
be in pain because it was all it was good for and Grantaire had been selfish
and bad and if master didn't punish it it might keep being bad so Grantaire
would be good and punish it's worthless self-
"OH MY GOD!"
Someone Grantaire identified as Courfeyrac rushed in and wrenched the knife
from Grantaire's hand. "Jesus Christ, what're you doing?! ENJOLRAS! COMBEFERRE!
He needs help oh god fuck fuck FUCK! Grantaire, what happened?"
Grantaire had flinched when Courfeyrac said he but didn't want to talk about
it. Grantaire forced herself to start thinking she was a boy again. He he he he
it it, no, this master wouldn't like Grantaire as an it. Grantaire repeated
"I'm a boy I'm a boy" over and over until he got used to it and accepted being
a boy.
"Grantaire? Oh my God, oh God." Grantaire turned to see Enjolras standing next
to him with tears rolling down his face. Combeferre was hurriedly cleaning and
wrapping his arm and Enjolras knelt next to him. "We're gonna take you to the
hospital, okay? Please never do this again, oh my God R."
"I felt happy. I took care of it."
Grantaire leaned his head against Enjolras's body and was dizzy as they drove
to the hospital, only thinking of Enjolras and Enjolras's body against his and
his hand holding Grantaire's and how his master seemed genuinely sad Grantaire
had hurt himself. He leaned on Enjolras and snuggled up to him, closing his
eyes and letting Enjolras hold him.
"I liked if when you called me R, master."
"Okay." Enjolras sniffled and tried his best to comfort Grantaire. "I never
want you to hurt yourself again. If you feel like you want to, talk to me,
okay?"
"Yes master." Grantaire felt stupid for thinking Enjolras wouldn't want to
punish him. His owners had all wanted to punish Grantaire himself. He just
needed to ask.
"I know what it's like, to be so depressed and sad that I don't want to be
happy, or to feel like I don't deserve to be happy, and that I need to hurt
myself." Enjolras was talking quietly enough in Grantaire's ear so Combeferre
and Courfeyrac, who were frantically discussing the quickest way to the
hospital in the front seats, couldn't hear. "I understand, to a degree, and I
want to help you get better."
Of everything, that confused Grantaire the most, and he was still thinking
about it while he sat in a medical gown in only his bra and underwear
underneath as a doctor stitched some of the cuts. Enjolras would never be in
this sort of position, could he? Grantaire looked at Enjolras, who was holding
his other hand with a strained smile and Grantaire realized there was even more
he didn't know.
***** Chapter 4 *****
Chapter Summary
     Thank you guys so much for your comments, they really encourage me :)
     I wanted to ask opinions on what this should be. I have it marked as
     "other", because Grantaire is genderfluid, so Grantaire is both male
     and female, but and M/M and M/F makes it sound like there's multiple
     relationships (which is kinda right bc of Courfeyrac and Combeferre
     but they're so minor) but Enjolras/Grantaire is just one
     relationship, not two different ones just bc Grantaire's gender
     changes back and forth. Idk thoughts?
Combeferre got a pizza on the way home from the hospital and Grantaire realized
he was quite hungry, even though he'd eaten more than he was used to that
morning.
"Do you like olives?" Courfeyrac looked at Grantaire expectantly and he
shrugged.
"I'll eat anything, sir."
Courfeyrac looked like he wanted to ask more but Enjolras cut in. "I'm sure
he'll eat anything that they put on a pizza. It's fine."
Grantaire was grateful that Enjolras spoke up. Judging by how they all acted,
he didn't think they wanted to hear about Grantaire having to beg to lick dried
cum off the floor and being genuinely appreciative about it.
The pizza smelled delicious and Grantaire's stomach growled loudly. He blushed
and Courfeyrac shrugged and opened the box. "It's been a rough day, so everyone
but the driver can have a slice on the way home."
"Hey!" said Combeferre, but with a grin.
"Traffic safety, honeycomb."
Grantaire reverently looked at the slice of pizza Courfeyrac have him. It had
sauce, cheese, pepperoni, olives, mushrooms, onions, and peppers on in and he
moaned when he took his first bite. "It's delicious!"
"I'm glad you like it." Enjolras was eating his own piece and gave Grantaire a
smile. "Can you eat the whole slice?"
"Definitely, sir."
"Bon apetite, then."
Grantaire ate voraciously, tired and hungry and delighted with how the food
tasted. The garlic seasoning on the crust was so good he licked it off and
hummed with satisfaction when he finished. "Thank you, sirs."
"You're very welcome." Enjolras held his hand and asked, "Do you still want to
watch the movie?"
"If-if it's okay, sir."
"Of course. If if makes you feel better I can make it educational by putting
subtitles on."
"Okay, sir." Grantaire wasn't sure what those were but he agreed, following
Enjolras into the house when they arrived.
"Can you eat another slice? Are you hungry?"
"A- yes, sir," said Grantaire sheepishly.
"You lost quite a bit of blood. It's good for you to eat. I'll bring you your
good, go wait for us in the living room."
"Yes sir."
Grantaire knelt next to the couch, guessing where Enjolras was going to sit.
"Please don't kneel. Sit next to me." Enjolras settled on the couch and
Grantaire obediently sat close to him, their bodies touching comfortably.
Enjolras handed him a plate with a slice of pizza on it and also a glass of
milk. "Is that enough food?"
"Plenty, sir. Thank you."
"Good."
Courfeyrac put the movie in the DVD player and just from the menu, Grantaire
was entranced.
"Hey Courf, put English subtitles on so Grantaire can read along."
"Sure."
Enjolras turned to Grantaire as the movie started. "If anything makes you
uncomfortable or you see something you don't want to watch, let me know.
There's a bit of violence and I don't want you to be triggered or upset."
"Yes sir."
Absolutely nothing about the movie upset Grantaire at all. He was swept away by
the magic of the story and looked awestruck throughout most of it. Enjolras
felt his heart warm at the childlike expression of pure wonder he still had at
the end credits. "I take it you liked it?"
Grantaire nodded, unable to hold back a smile. "Yes, very much sir. I- it's
been so long, so long since I thought of stories or magic or fairytales, I
think I had almost forgotten they existed. It's so amazing what people can make
and do." He fell silent, as though he was afraid he'd said too much.
"It's part of why I wanted to show it to you. Stories are magic. They show us
things about people and take us to far away places, some that don't even exist
in a physical place. Thinking of those years that have been robbed from you I,
well, I guess I wanted to give a little bit of imagination back."
Grantaire hugged Enjolras and was smiling so widely that his face hurt. "Thank
you so much, sir."
He yawned and Enjolras asked, "Can you get yourself ready for bed? I'll come up
and check on you in a bit."
"Yes sir." Grantaire left to go and brush his teeth, change into night clothes,
and pump out milk that he should've done hours earlier but had been distracted.
Courfeyrac and Combeferre were cuddled together and Combeferre looked over his
shoulder to make sure Grantaire was upstairs. "Enjolras?" he asked quietly.
"Hm?" Enjolras was straightening up pillows and couch cushions and Combeferre
sighed.
"It's sweet of you that you want to share something precious and magical with
Grantaire, but I feel like you didn't think this through."
"What? Why?"
"Philosopher's Stone is fine and all-"
"Sorcerer's," muttered Courfeyrac with a grin, knowing it annoyed Combeferre.
"-but did it occur to you that Dobby is going to be one of the most triggering
things you could possibly show him, short of sitting down to watch Roots? Now
maybe you can hold off on that until you finish the first book, but really
Enjolras, I feel like Grantaire is going to think ironing his fingers is a good
idea. I'm a bit worried."
Enjolras paled. "Oh damn, I didn't think of that."
Courfeyrac waved his hand. "I think he might be just fine, to be honest. Dobby
goes free and it could show him that there are a lot of people who think that
self harming like Dobby does and how he's treated is wrong and that it's okay
to want to be free. I think Grantaire has an easier time trusting a story than
people in his own life, considering what he's gone through. Wait and see how he
does."
Enjolras sighed. "I think you're both right. We're probably gonna watch it in a
week or two and I can talk to him about it and see how it goes. I can't believe
I didn't think of that." He looked at the clock and said, "I'm gonna go and
check on him."
He found Grantaire finishing pumping out a bottle of milk. "Hey, just seeing
how you're doing."
"I'm alright, sir." Grantaire took the pump off and Enjolras took the two
bottles so Grantaire could lay down. "Thank you again, sir, and I'm sorry about
what I did-"
"Hush. It's okay. If you ever feel like hurting yourself, talk to me and we'll
sort it out, okay?"
"Yes sir."
Enjolras smoothed out Grantaire's blankets and resisted the urge to kiss his
cheek like he wanted to. "Goodnight. If you need anything, feel free to wake
me."
"Okay. Goodnight, sir." Grantaire tiredly closed his eyes and his thoughts
turned to dreams of castles and broomsticks and potions and sunlight,
everything that he couldn't remember ever imagining. Not only had so much of
his life been stolen from him, but his dreams too.
Enjolras smiled at Grantaire as he fell into a peaceful sleep. He prayed his
feelings for him would go away but knew they wouldn't. There was something
about Grantaire that drew Enjolras to him more than anyone else Enjolras had
helped, and since he was under Enjolras's care and protection he got the
impression that it would only grow.
He stuck Grantaire's milk in the fridge and made a mental more to get in
contact with someone who would buy it.
Memories stirred in his mind and he grimaced, unable to keep them down.
-break-
Enjolras had been twelve when he learned to play the game.
Ever since he could remember, he knew slavery was wrong. The way his parents
would order people around, keep them naked except for a collar unless they left
the property, hit them, starve them, it was all do horribly wrong. Enjolras
would always resist, always step up, always protest, and it hardly did any
good. His parents knew he was an abolitionist, and eventually even his smallest
requests were denied.
So he took a different approach.
He sat at the dinner table with his mother and father, eating steak and garlic
bread and broccoli. A girl was kneeling in the corner of the room, waiting to
take their dishes and to receive orders. She was thin and malnourished, and
Enjolras knew she'd been whipped and used by his father earlier that day.
"Father, may I feed her?" Enjolras ate a bite of steak and looked expectantly
at his father.
"No, Enjolras. It doesn't need to eat and for the last time, it's unacceptable
for a slave to sit beside you. No."
"You misunderstand, father. I want to handfeed her. The way I've seen a slave
gratefully lick your fingers, it, well, I want it."
His father gave Enjolras an approving look. "Very well. Do what you like."
Enjolras felt slightly ill, even though it was necessary for her to get food
and remotely nice treatment. "Come here," he ordered. She crawled to him and
knelt up next to him. "You will be grateful for what I give you, and kick my
fingers clean, understand?"
"Yes sir."
He fed her bites of bread and broccoli and even a little steak, not as much as
he wanted but he couldn't look suspicious. She obediently licked his fingers
and gratefully nuzzled his thigh.
"Good girl," he praised, stroking her head and her thinning, graying hair. She
couldn't have been older than twenty, Enjolras guessed eighteen, but her eyes
were clouded and there was so much gray streaked in her brown hair.
Enjolras's mother smiled as he pet the slave's head. "Darling, do you want it
as a pet?"
"Yes, Enjolras, I quite like you warming up to being in control." His father
gave him a proud look. "It's been trained well enough to behave for you."
"She needs a name." Enjolras watched her twitch with surprise, knowing that he
was close to blowing his cover. "What's your name?"
"My documents say I am number two hundred and thirty six. Master and mistress
address me so, young master."
Enjolras's father gave Enjolras a look. "Slaves don't carry any names from
before they were sold. You know this, son."
"But pets have names, father," pressed Enjolras. "I want to have a little
nameplate on her collar. Like a puppy. Maybe in the shape of a bone?"
"Oh dear, that's wonderful!" His mother looked delighted and Enjolras knew he
was close to being able to help at least this one person. "But if you wanted a
real puppy, you could have one instead of that thing."
"They can't talk though, and she's so well trained, mother." So close, so close
to being able to take care of her. Enjolras rubbed her breast, remembering a
year before as he started to hit puberty that his father had Enjolras watch him
bed a woman.
It hadn't been a pleasant experience.
"Look father, I can play with her. I bet I could teach her things too. Please?
She can sleep in my room and everything."
His father laughed and said, "Oh I knew this day would come! Finally, you get
it. Yes, take her as your pet, and when you're ready, as your bitch. That's
wonderful, Enjolras. I'm so proud of you."
Bile rose in his throat but he smiled, victory coursing through him. "Thank
you, father." He looked down at her and tried his best commanding voice a
twelve year old self could muster. "Now I asked you a question earlier and you
did not answer me. You are mine now, not my father's. What is your name?"
"I-It-it was Dani, sir," she whispered, shaking with fear of being struck.
"Good girl. Dani." Enjolras stroked her cheek and pet her hair again. She let
him guide her head to rest on his thigh, still petting her.
"You'll need a few things for her," said his mother matter of factly. "A leash,
a whip, your nameplate. I think you would have fun if you got a few toys for
her too."
"This one is rather scared of the whip." His father looked at Dani with
distain. "You may have to work to condition it to taking punishment without
fuss. The restraints in the basement are yours to use, as well as any number of
instruments you wish. I've already branded its hip, so it's yours to do as you
want."
"Thank you," said Enjolras through gritted teeth.
Once Enjolras got Dani to his room, her crawling at his heels, he shut the door
and immediately helped her stand. "I'm so sorry for how I talked," he
whispered. "I had to act, to get you out of his reach-"
"I understand," she whispered with a watery smile. "I shall act too, Enjolras.
Thank you. Thank you. Enjolras oh, thank you!"
He had Dani sleep beside him so she'd be warm and in a bed, with the excuse to
his parents that she made a good pillow. He fed her as much as he could, saying
it was like feeding ducks, and fun enough he couldn't help it. He was
affectionate and said that he liked rewarding his pet when she did tricks for
him. He never hit her, and he simply said that she was well trained and only
needed positive enforcement.
Such things left his mouth that were cruel and heartless, but Dani knew she was
treated far better than she ever had been. They cuddled together every night
and whispered stories to each other, secrets and feelings they didn't dare say
aloud during the day.
Two years passed, and Dani whispered one night, "You are fourteen, Enjolras.
Your parents expect you to have sex with me soon."
"I know. I can't. Not ever with someone enslaved, unable to say no, legally
mine or my family's. It's sickening, what my father and people like him do. To
be honest, I don't know that I'll ever want sex with anyone."
"Also you're totally gay."
Enjolras grinned. "Is it my lack of erections while sleeping next to a naked
woman for two years that gave me away?"
"I see you check out your friend Feuilly's ass when he visits. He's straight,
but he's definitely cute. It's nothing to be ashamed of."
"Thanks. You're the first person I've ever talked to about it." Enjolras smiled
warmly and closed his eyes.
"Enjolras?"
"Hm?"
"I love you very much, my dearest friend. You are like a little brother to me,
and have made my life, and others here, worth living through your actions and
kindness. I love you. Always remember that."
"What do you mean?"
Dani guided Enjolras's hand to a lump on a discolored part of her breast. "I
know you drop your eyes, and do not look at me the way a man with lust would,
the way someone who wanted to hurt me would, so you have not noticed. But they
will, any day now, and your father will shoot me like a dog with rabies. It has
grown large enough that it is impossible not to see."
"No, no Dani, I won't let him hurt you. He'll listen to me-"
"Slaves often don't get broken bones fixed. A tumor means death. It's too much
money to waste on a slave."
"No, no I promise you, I won't let you be hurt I'll do anything-"
"I would not live through radiation, you know this, and your father would not
bother to remove it knowing the risk it could just less to long treatment. I
love you. Cling to that. Help others."
Enjolras woke in an empty bed to the sound of a gunshot. "No. NO!" He broke
down and sobbed, tears running down his face.
Dani's collar was on his dresser, and it was all he had left of her.
-break-
Enjolras held the old collar with the little golden circle thst hung off of it
engraved with Dani's name, guilt coursing through him. So many people he
couldn't save. One that had been like his older sister and taken in the night.
Others he couldn't afford. And perhaps one in a guest bedroom, so broken that
he couldn't understand that it was okay to feel happy.
Warmth and love for Grantaire coursed through him. He was sweet, shy, and
gentle. He had no hate in his heart, only a desire to learn and leave the
darkness behind. That is, once he learned it was okay to do so. He'd been hurt
so much, thrown away by his own father, abused for so long, Enjolras's stomach
twisted and he wanted to cry.
"Enjolras?" Combeferre opened the door to see Enjolras sitting on the edge of
his bed, holding the collar. "You're worried."
"I wish she was here, Combeferre. I wish I could've set her free, I wish she
could advise me in how to heal Grantaire."
"I know." He put an arm around Enjolras and squeezed his shoulder. Combeferre
had never met Dani but had heard enough about her to know who she was.
"I'm scared. I'm scared I'll accidentally hurt Grantaire. I'm so scared I'm not
enough. I-I love him, Combeferre. He's already very dear to me."
Combeferre smiled. "I know that, too. The way you look at him is more tender
than how you look at anyone else. Put your love to good use. Someday, you may
even be able to be together."
"No, Combeferre." Enjolras shook his head and bit his lip, tears leaking out.
"Oh Combeferre, you don't know what my father made me do that night so long
ago."
***** Chapter 5 *****
He was fifteen when it happened.
"Enjolras, it's time you did a little growing up. Developing, if you will."
Enjolras shrugged at his father. "Don't know what you mean." He tried to focus
on his homework, but when his father got like this he knew it was no use.
"You did a good job with Dani, although you never whipped her. But it's come to
my attention that you're due for really learning how to exert dominance, and
taking control. You're far too soft with them. I have something for you. Come
with me."
Enjolras immediately knew he wouldn't like whatever it was, like a new riding
crop, as though having his own torture implements would make him want to hurt
someone. He followed his father down to the basement and his stomach dropped.
"No."
"I want to guide you through taking your first slave tonight. Male, of course,
since you clearly have no interest in females."
Enjolras stared in horror at the person strapped down on an X shaped padded
table, legs and arms spread and mouth gagged. "Father, no. That's disgusting-
that's RAPE for God's sake! NO!"
"You'll feel differently after you take him. It's really about time you
understood that they don't have feelings of their own anymore. Slaves exist for
our pleasure, Enjolras. He wants you to take him. He wants you to use him and
praise him. Of course this one is being broken in, so it'll hurt a little, but
you just need a push to let yourself go. Do it, and you'll understand just how
good it feels."
Enjolras backed away. "No, no you're wrong! This is all wrong! He's a PERSON,
he has feelings just like we do! You're a fucking sack of shit! Rapist!
MURDERER!"
screamed Enjolras.
Enjolras's father shook his head. "No, Enjolras, you'll see.You're still upset
over Dani, but you have to realize I did what was best." He held up a large
syringe with lubricant inside of it with a small open ended tube in place of a
needle. "You may use this, it'll make everything go a lot more smoothly for you
and him."
"No, I refuse. You really expect me to rape someone and get off on it like you
and the rest of the twisted fucks who buy people and use them like they'll less
than animals?! Fuck you!" Enjolras went to storm out but saw his father had
locked the door. "Let me out."
"No, Enjolras. You'll do what I say willingly, or I'll break you until you do.
You need this. You need to feel the tight heat around your cock as you fuck
someone. You need to embrace what you can do."
"NO."
His father sighed and looked at two slaves kneeling in opposite corners of the
room who Enjolras hadn't noticed. "Chain him up."
"WHAT?"
Enjolras found himself slammed against the wall, struggling in vain against the
two men shackling his wrists and ankles to the tight restraints. "I don't
fucking believe this-"
"You can back out. Take the slave I have for you, and we'll be done. Or we can
keep going, and I'll hurt you until you do. I've been so sparing of the rod, I
know you'll break so easily."
"Fuck you. You're an abusive sack of shit you goddamn fuck!"
Enjolras stilled when he felt a coolness on his neck. A knife. "I'm going to
cut your clothes off. And then I'll whip you until you do as you're told."
Fear fluttered in Enjolras's chest as his father cut and tore his clothes off.
When he was fully naked he shivered and pressed his forehead to the rough wall,
flinching when his father put his hands on his back, slowly caressing his skin
and making Enjolras grimace at the pseudo-loving touch.
"It's such a shame to whip you. Your skin is so smooth and perfect."
"Maybe if you stopped being a fucking bastard and let me go you wouldn't scar
me," snarled Enjolras. His father took his hands off of Enjolras's back and a
moment later Enjolras cried out with surprise as a belt snapped across his
buttocks.
"Be that way."
Enjolras flinched and shouted when his father struck him with the belt again,
stinging and raising welts where it hit. "Wh-what're you doing?"
"I'm not barbaric, son. I'm warming you up." He struck where Enjolras's thighs
met his butt and moved up his body, making Enjolras shout as he beat his
buttocks and back pink and even red in places where welts broke and trickles of
blood rolled down his back.
Tears were forming in Enjolras's eyes as he started to understand just how much
a whip would hurt. "Pl-please, stop." He could feel scrapes on his front from
where he was pressed and struggling against the brick wall. "Father, don't-
don't whip me. Please."
"Will you do what I want? Will you take that slave? No?" he asked as Enjolras
shook his head, sniffling and then shouting when his father struck him across
his butt twice more and then twice on his back in an X shape from shoulders to
hips.
"Pl-please," begged Enjolras, shaking as his father took a coiled whip off the
wall. "I-I don't want to live my life being scared of you." He closed his eyes
and bit his lip. "Please, dad, don't whip me. Please. I love you."
Enjolras hated the vast majority of the things his father did, but he was sure
he loved him to a degree. Deep, deep, deep, very deep, down.
"I love you too. But if you won't give in, I have to do this. Last chance to
back out."
"I-I can't."
The first crack of the whip made Enjolras scream, his body jerking and tears
leaking out. His father whipped him relentlessly, cutting his back open and
breaking him, pushing Enjolras past his pain threshold after only a dozen hits.
"I'LL DO IT!" Enjolras was sobbing brokenly and whimpered, "I'll do it."
"Good boy."
Enjolras cried as his father unshackled him, still holding the whip. "Prep his
hole with the lubricant, since I'm sure you'll just make me chain you up again
if I suggest you fuck him dry, and fuck until you cum. Orgasm deep inside of
him, and don't pull out until you do."
Enjolras could hardly walk, his body was in so much pain, and his face was
streaked with tears as he shakily stumbled to stand between the slave's spread
legs. He picked up the syringe and after awkwardly poking the slave's hole, he
got it in and pressed down the plunger, lubing him from the inside. He threw
the syringe on the floor and closed his eyes, more tears escaping.
"I can't do it," he whispered.
"Yes you can. Stroke yourself and push in."
Enjolras reached a hand down and slowly pumped his cock, forcing a reaction out
of his body as he sobbed. He hesitated, not making any move to breach the
person in front of him.
The whip cracked to the right of him and he jumped at the sound, whimpering.
"Do it."
Enjolras bit his lip so hard he tasted blood and squeezed his eyes shut as he
grasped the man's hips and pressed in, pushing hard and feeling his body tense
from pain and tear around him as he was engulfed in his tight, hot, and slick
hole.
"He- I- he tore," whispered Enjolras.
"Yes. He was a virgin. Now fuck him."
Enjolras sobbed as he pulled back and then in, vomit coming up into his mouth
as he realized that he could feel the beginnings of an orgasm building. "I'm so
sorry," he whispered. He stopped, only going again when the whip cracked closer
to him, fear coursing through him, fear of being tortured down in that basement
that so many others had through the years.
"I'm so sorry. I'm a coward, I'm sorry," he kept whispering as he rocked his
hips in and out, a fresh wave of tears pouring out of his eyes. He could hear
the slave moan in pain through his gag and Enjolras looked down to see he was
bleeding around him.
"Father," he croaked.
"You're going to be here for years if you don't speed up. You need to cum."
Enjolras wailed in emotional and physical pain as he built up a pace, repulsed
by himself, too disgusted and ashamed to orgasm even though he had to for it to
end.
Finally, his body reached to the physical stimulus despite his mental anguish
and he came, burying himself deep inside of the slave, whimpering apologies as
his body relaxed and gave him a small high despite how horrible he felt.
"Good, Enjolras. Very good. The seed is planted, and someday, you'll accept
this part of yourself and take your own slaves. I'm proud of you."
Enjolras pulled out and hiccuped, wiping tears off of his face as his father
unlocked the door. "Get some pants on and I'll take you to get stitches. Some
of those cut very deeply."
"You don't love me," he whispered, closing his eyes and shoving his father away
when he tried to hug Enjolras. "You never loved me!"
"I do, Enjolras. And someday, you'll see it. Come on, get dressed."
Enjolras got underwear and a pair of pants from his dresser in a daze, barely
making it to the bathroom to throw up in the toilet. He washed his face and
coughed up the last of the vomit in the sink, spitting and looking at his
reflection, seeing a deathly pale face with bloodshot eyes and tearstains all
over.
Torturer.
Rapist.
Monster.
He passed out in the bathroom and woke up in the hospital, with doctors and
nurses and his parents with him, treating him like a beloved son, instead of
someone who should be on death row.
That wasn't the last time he went to the hospital because of cuts.
It's just that the others were always in perfect lines high up on his thighs.
-break-
Enjolras silently cried as Combeferre absorbed the story, thinking on what his
friend revealed to him. He held Enjolras on his lap and cuddled him close,
rubbing his back in circles.
"You want me to be angry, don't you? You want me to blame you like you do. But
I don't, Enj."
"I raped someone."
"You were beaten bloody by your father and it's quite possible that he might
never have stopped if you didn't give in. It was self preservation. You weren't
even legally old enough to consent to sex yet."
"Even if he held a gun to my head and told me to do it, I would have a choice.
I did have a choice, and I raped someone." Enjolras cried into Combeferre's
shift and Combeferre stroked his hair.
"I don't blame you for feeling guilty. But I also can't say that I want you to
keep wishing he'd beaten you to death. Where would Grantaire, Eponine, Joly,
everyone we've rescued be?"
Enjolras hissed. "So you think because I've done good things that I should be
excused? I hurt someone but look, I helped someone else?!"
"No. I think you were a victim alongside the man you were forced to rape, and
that it's unfair for you to burden yourself with guilt. Your father is the one
who hurt them, through you."
"Do you know how many times I've tried to say that, or say that I was only
fifteen, or any number of things? They're all just excuses!"
Enjolras cried harder and Combeferre closed his eyes. "If your father ordered a
slave to fuck another, would you blame that slave? No. Because you know if they
didn't do it they'd be beaten and starved and raped even more themselves, and
that means they don't have a choice. By saying it's your fault, that you did
have a choice, means that you're actually making yourself an exception, like
the same rules don't apply to you because you have a name on your documents
while they have a number.
"You're a decent person, which means you feel bad, but you cannot bear this and
hope to fully give your all to your cause."
Enjolras sniffled and croaked, "I know. I know that it's probably part of his
abuse, to make me feel guilty and make me want to accept it so the pain won't
be there anymore. But I can't."
"I understand. But don't withhold your love from Grantaire."
"Combeferre, I- it's just, how dare I have feelings for him and be attracted to
him after what I did? How can I?"
"You just do."
Enjolras buried his face in his hands and sighed. "Thanks for listening. I
never told anyone before."
"It's okay. Thank you for trusting me."
Enjolras slept easier knowing his secret wasn't just his to bear, but he felt
ill in the morning when Combeferre would hardly look at him. Luckily everyone
had left except for Enjolras, Grantaire, Combeferre, and Courfeyrac, so no one
was there to notice his down mood. Plus, Grantaire seemed to be in a cuddly
mood, willingly sitting close to Enjolras on the windowseat and fitting his
body beside Enjolras's so they could both see the tablet and making Enjolras's
heart ache with the amount of new, childlike trust he saw in Grantaire's eyes.
The movie with subtitles seemed to have helped a lot. Grantaire needed much
less assistance while reading and Enjolras let his mind drift to the past,
frowning as he did so.
"Master?"
"Hm?"
"Pardon, but are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Grantaire nodded. "Okay" He knew Enjolras was lying, and Enjolras knew he
hadn't fooled him. He was looking at Grantaire's bandages on his arm and he got
up abruptly.
"Let's go out and look at the garden. Maybe that'll lighten my mood. I think
you'll like a lot of the flowers and little paths."
"Okay, sir."
Both of them were good at pretending that things were okay, but neither could
fool the other.
***** Chapter 6 *****
Chapter Summary
     Hey all thank you so much for your support!
     Grantaire's flashback in this chapter is particularly intense and all
     I gotta say is take my tagging very seriously this fic is kinda tw
     everything.
Grantaire walked beside Enjolras through the gardens and grounds. There were
lots of little paths lined with rocks and flowers were in bloom everywhere. He
even had a fountain out front.
"Sir, is it okay if I tend to some of the gardens? I like flowers."
"I'll help you. It's far too much for one person." Enjolras pointed to an empty
flower bed and said, "I've been thinking of planting some African violets
there. It's sheltered and they'll get some diffused light through the trees,
and we'll just have to remember to water them. The purple will look nice
against the house."
"That sounds lovely, sir."
"Would you like to come with me to buy them?"
Grantaire looked uncomfortable and Enjolras said quickly, "You can stay here,
if you like."
"I haven't been to a store in years, sir. All I can remember is that they're
crowded."
"You remember right. You can stay here if you like."
"Not to be rude sir, but to do what?"
"Uhhhhh." Enjolras realized Grantaire had never been allowed to have a hobby
and that he had no idea what to do with free time. "You could draw or explore
the grounds or something. I dunno, what would you like to do?"
Grantaire thought. "I think I used to like drawing, sir. As a child."
"Alright, you can draw while I'm gone." Enjolras got out printer paper, a
clipboard in case Grantaire wanted to sit somewhere else, his mess of old
colored pencils, and a couple mechanical pencils. "It's not much, but it's a
start. Draw whatever you like. It'll be good for you to relax and have a hobby.
You can do pretty much whatever you want while I'm gone as long as you don't
hurt yourself." Enjolras figured it went without saying that he didn't want the
house burnt down.
"Thank you, sir."
"If you're hungry, you can eat whatever you like."
Grantaire looked startled and Enjolras asked, "Are you comfortable portioning
out food to yourself?"
"N-no sir. I feel really bad if I ever eat without my master present because
I'm afraid of getting punished and I usually throw up, even if master ordered
me to eat. I'm sorry."
"It's okay, I'm glad you told me." Enjolras put a hand on Grantaire's shoulder
and said, "We'll eat when I get back, okay? I won't be gone longer than two
hours."
"Yes sir. Thank you."
Enjolras smiled and left Grantaire to draw. He hoped Grantaire could start
learning to enjoy himself without feeling bad.
Grantaire sat still for a long time, thinking of what he should draw. He walked
outside, tracing his fingers around his collar just to make sure that no one
could possibly think he ran away and he sat on the patio, right in front of the
sliding glass door so Enjolras would be able to see him easily.
He starting sketching a few pansies in front if him, and as he drew and colored
his mind drifted without his permission back to the last time he'd drawn
anything.
-break-
Grantaire couldn't stop the tears running down his face as he stood naked with
nothing but a collar and number around his neck. He was in a room crowded full
of slaves, lost in his own world and shaking as someone guided him out to a
stage.
"Number 426. Ten year old, never been bought. Virgin."
He stared at the ground as people bid on him, trying not to cry but failing.
Someone bought him for ten thousand dollars.
He hoped his father was happy.
His new master looked to be in his thirties. He clipped a leash on his collar
and led Grantaire to a car.
"Get in the back."
Grantaire didn't say anything. He wished he was wearing clothes, he wished he
was with his little sister, he wished he was at home-
"I know you're scared, but it'll be okay. I'll take good care of you. I won't
be strict about rules until you've had a chance to learn them. The first one is
that you will address me as sir or master. The second is that you will obey me.
Okay?"
"Yes."
"Yes what?"
Fear shot down Grantaire's spine. "Yes sir."
"Good boy."
Grantaire was surprised when he was taken inside a two bedroom apartment, with
toys and coloring books here and there in an otherwise tidy living room. "The
small bedroom is yours. The larger one is mine. You may play or color until
dinner."
"Sir?" The word felt awkward leaving Grantaire's mouth but he was doing as he
was told and literally had nothing else to call the man who bought him.
"Hm?"
"Do I have clothes to wear?"
"No."
Grantaire felt nervous and exposed as he nodded and settled down with a
coloring book and crayons. He bit his lip and his master, who was in the
kitchen, must've noticed.
"If you have something on your mind, I want to hear it."
"Sir, I- are you going to have sex with me?" Grantaire's voice was small and
scared and he looked at the coloring page, fear rising inside of him.
"No. I won't. But you shouldn't be afraid of sex. As long as you do as you're
told, you'll never have to be afraid of your owner."
Grantaire nodded, relief coursing through him. Maybe the man was lying, but it
put him at ease. He hummed as he colored a picture of a forest and was hungry
by the time his master have him applesauce, peas, macaroni and cheese, and ham
for dinner.
He ate sitting on the floor, relaxing in his new home. His master was the same
gender as him so he wasn't terribly bothered about not having clothes. Being
onstage was scary, and after that being naked in front of one person wasn't too
bad.
"Time for bed. If you need anything, let me know."
"Okay, sir."
Grantaire walked into the small bedroom and frowned. There was an old mattress
on the floor with a sheet on it. That was it. The heater had been removed and
the room felt chilly. He curled up under the thin sheet and broke down crying,
feeling cold and heartbroken and scared.
He felt a warm hand on his back and he blinked. "Sir?"
"It's okay to cry. A lot of masters don't like it but I understand that you're
frightened."
Grantaire shook and sniffled. "S-sir?"
"Yes?"
"I'm cold."
"You can sleep with me in my bed, if you like."
Grantaire shook his head, immediately uncomfortable and said, "No thank you,
sir."
"Okay."
He gave in two nights later, the chill being too much for him. He walked into
his master's room a few minutes after being put to bed and shivering.
"Sir? May I sleep in your bed?"
His master smiled. "Of course. Come here."
Grantaire nervously crawled under the warm covers and breathed a sigh of
relief. His master took him in his arms and Grantaire snuggled against him, too
cold to care about how awkward it felt.
He closed his eyes and felt the man gently stroke his back, soothing him and
lulling him to sleep.
He was treated okay during the day, being hugged and told to color or play or
watch TV and to eat his meals sitting on the floor. It wasn't too bad, and
Grantaire had been afraid of getting hit every day or screamed at.
At night he slept cuddled with his master, who was starting to touch him more.
Grantaire had his back pressed to his master's chest and he twitched as his
mister slowly stroked his abdomen with one hand and held him around his waist
with the other. "Sir? I thought you weren't going to have sex with me."
"And I'm not. I want to get you comfortable with being touched. You're doing
very well."
"What? Why?" He quickly added, "Sir."
"You are to obey me without question, but I'll tell you anyway. I'm training
you for your future. You need to learn how to be submissive, obedient, and how
to enjoy being touched. Just relax." He thumbed at one of Grantaire's nipples
and the boy gasped. "I can make you feel good, if you let me."
"O-okay, sir."
Grantaire closed his eyes and felt the man kiss his neck and touch him
everywhere, using a hand to pump his small cock as he rubbed and toyed with
Grantaire's nipples, kissing his shoulder as Grantaire came.
"When I give you an orgasm, I want you to thank me."
"Okay. Thank you, sir," panted Grantaire.
The man rolled him over and Grantaire soaked in the much needed physical
comfort and nuzzled him affectionately as he stroked Grantaire's back,
occasionally squeezing his butt as he passed over it. "You're such a good boy,
for me. Pretty little boy. You're going to be so wonderful once you're trained
up."
He eased Grantaire into his training. He would set a timer and have Grantaire
kneel up for fifteen minutes, head bowed and hands behind his back. He would
talk to him a lot to test his manners and submissiveness and see how well he
took simple orders. He always rewarded Grantaire with hugs or kisses or letting
him play longer. He almost never punished Grantaire, but if he did it would
only be a spank to each cheek, so Grantaire hardly feared punishment.
After two weeks he started kissing Grantaire on the mouth and touching him more
during the day, ordering Grantaire to climb up on his lap to play with him and
pet him. Grantaire responded well and obeyed almost everything, craving the
touches and genuinely wanting to please his owner. Grantaire was fed his meals
by hand and he grew even closer to his owner, feeling content and comforted.
Three weeks in, his owner introduced toys. He started with a ball gag.
"Your future masters will likely use quite a few of these, so you better get
used to them. Kneel up."
Grantaire obeyed.
"Mouth open."
He held his mouth open and his master pressed the gag in, buckling it behind
his head. "Good boy." Grantaire hummed at the compliment and his master set a
timer. "Keep that in just like that. It's a small size so it won't hurt too
much, just relax."
Ten minutes later Grantaire started whimpering, the strain in his jaw turning
painful. "Shhhhhh," soothed his master, rubbing his nipples to distract him.
"Just a little more. Such a good boy." He kept up the touches until the timer
went off and he carefully took the gag out and hugged Grantaire, who was teary
eyed.
"You took that so well. Good, Grantaire. Very good."
He also put an o-ring gag in Grantaire's mouth, asking him to kneel up with his
mouth stretched open, unable to swallow.
Restraints were next. He would cuff Grantaire to the bed for half an hour at a
time and touch him, soothing his nerves at being unable to move and eventually
getting Grantaire to associate being tied down or cuffed with pleasure.
Deep down, Grantaire knew it was wrong. He shouldn't want a man much older than
him to touch him or gag him or restrain him, but he needed the affection after
the shock and heartbreak of losing his home, family, and friends. Later in
life, he would realize it was all calculated just so he could be sold.
Four months later, his training was complete.
"Okay Grantaire, I'm inviting some people over to take a look at you. I know
them all very well, and any of them would provide you with a good home."
Grantaire was kneeling up in the living room, looking up at his owner. "Thank
you, master."
"I'm going to put a gag in you, and you're going to obey them. You'll likely be
asked to get into different positions on the floor, or sit on their lap. I'll
do all the talking for you."
Grantaire opened his mouth to accept the ball gag and he stayed kneeling in the
center of the room as five men came into the room, all of them taking seats and
then looking at him.
"He's a pretty one," commented one of them.
"Naturally docile, too," added his owner. "He just turned eleven about a month
ago."
Grantaire was asked to sit on each of their laps and he felt at ease as they
pet his hair and touched him everywhere they wanted. He was confident no one
would hurt him.
That night, the one who bought him took him to his bed, and Grantaire allowed
himself to he pinned down, and then torn open and raped without knowing how to
do anything but cry and let it happen and try to obey.
-break-
"Grantaire? Hello?"
Grantaire was curled into a ball, crying and wailing as Enjolras sat in front
of him, desperately trying to get Grantaire to pay attention to him. "Please R,
it's okay. I'm here."
Enjolras wouldn't hurt him. Enjolras wouldn't hurt him. He repeated it in his
head as he hugged Enjolras close to him.
"Can you tell me what happened? Are you okay?"
Grantaire shook his head and Enjolras held him for almost ten minutes until he
could speak. "Being able to let me draw made me think of my first master, sir."
Enjolras was immediately on edge. "Do you need to talk about it?"
"M-may I?"
"Of course. It it helps you feel better."
"Okay. Well, um, I was ten. He got me so he could train me to enjoy being
touched. He made sure I would be cold at night unless if I slept in his bed, so
I started to sleep cuddled up to him. And- and he touched me a lot, had me
kneel and get used to sex toys and ropes and restraints and made me not fear
being punished and made me submit before he sold me to a man who hurt me and
raped me every day and I was so gone after months with my first master that I
didn't know what to do except let it happen because I thought that maybe
someday he would be kind but it never stopped until he sold me to someone who
liked whipping me and have multiple people use me." Grantaire cried harder and
Enjolras felt ill.
"I'm so sorry, R. God, fuck I wish I had been able to rescue you then." Anger
boiled beneath Enjolras's skin and Grantaire looked at his face and saw the
wrath in his eyes.
"Sir?" He sounded scared and Enjolras looked away, trying to calm down.
"Sorry, it's just, out of everyone I hate in this world, child molesters and
rapists are at the top. It's so sick and so wrong what they did to you, and
they'll never face justice for it with this legal system. I'm angry at them,
not at you."
"Sir, I- I think you should know that I only cry about what they did because I
was so little. With my most recent masters, I feel I deserved everything they
did, because I'm so used and broken that they were right to hurt me and get
what they could out of me."
Enjolras cupped Grantaire's cheek and looked him in the eyes. "You are not
worthless," he said fiercely. "You aren't now and you never have been. I am so
sorry for how you've been treated, and I wish I could've helped you sooner.
Nowadays we buy children at auctions if there are any, to get them out so they
don't go through what you did. You didn't deserve for even one person to use
you. Not ever."
Grantaire sniffled and croaked, "You believe that, sir?"
"Yes. I do."
"I- I don't think I'll live to see the world change sir, but if it does it'll
be because of you. I'm gonna try really hard to believe you."
Enjolras hugged Grantaire and said softly, "I care for you, very much. And
it'll take time but I'm happy that you're starting to heal." He looked down at
Grantaire's partial drawing and said, "You're very good at art, R. That's
amazing, and it's not even done yet."
"Thank you, sir."
"I'm going to make us some lunch, are you going to be okay out here? You can
finish drawing if you like."
"Yes sir." Grantaire smiled at Enjolras and picked up his clipboard and pencil.
Enjolras made teriyaki with beef and broccoli and fought down the urge to cry.
He knew Grantaire had been through a lot, but he had prayed that he hadn't been
thrown right into the horrors of sexual slavery right at ten years old.
While Enjolras had been learning to read and write and run around on a
playground at school, Grantaire was being taught how to enjoy being molested
and how to submit to being raped by men twenty years older than him.
Eventually he did cry and almost burned the rice through his tears. He felt
Grantaire hug him from behind and comfort him and felt even worse.
"I'm sorry, Grantaire."
"It's okay sir."
"It's not okay."
"You won't hurt me. It's a start, sir. It's okay to feel sad."
"You're the one who's hurt. I have no right to cry. I need to be solid for you
to lean on, not need you to comfort me."
Grantaire bit his lip and wondered if he was going to push Enjolras's
boundaries. "Please don't be angry sir, but I saw your scars the first night I
was here. I know you wanted to hide them, since you made sure to never have
your back to me when we showered, but you've been hurt too."
Enjolras stiffened. Grantaire kept talking and said, "It's part of the reason
why I talk to you, sir. Someone hurt you too. You know what it's like."
"No." Enjolras shrugged out of Grantaire's hug and handed him his plate. "I
can't talk about it, I really can't, and it's not fair but please never bring
up my scars again. I have no idea what's it's like to he held down and have
someone rape me or be forced to sleep with someone every night."
Grantaire frowned. "You tell me I don't deserve what happened to me, but you've
been hurt and it doesn't matter?"
"That's right!" snapped Enjolras. He sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I
just need to eat something. Please leave me alone."
Grantaire accepted his plate and felt crestfallen as Enjolras went to eat in
another part of the house. He felt sad that Enjolras had already forgotten how
hard it was for Grantaire to eat without him but he shrugged it off. He was a
slave, and he upset his master, and he shouldn't be eating at all, so alone was
more than he deserved anyway.
***** Chapter 7 *****
Chapter Summary
     Thank you guys so much for your support! I might come off anon soon,
     since this is going over well :D
Grantaire could only eat a few bites, shame coursing through him, he wanted to
cut so badly just to make everything feel okay, to deal with everything that
had happened and how he'd made his master angry by being pushy-
He shook his head and stood up. He had to talk to Enjolras. He couldn't disobey
an order.
Eventually he found Enjolras in his bedroom on his laptop. He softly knocked on
the doorframe and whispered, "Master? I know you're angry, but I really really
want to hurt myself and you told me to talk to you if I did."
Enjolras put his laptop aside and walked to Grantaire, hugging him. "I'm so
sorry. I lost my temper, and you couldn't have known that I would get like
that. It's okay." Grantaire relaxed and Enjolras kept holding him. "Is it okay
for me to touch you like this? Does it trigger anything?"
"No. I like this. You don't act like my first master did, who just got me close
to him to then hurt me. I-I struggle with thinking you'll hurt me, but it's not
upsetting at all to be held by you. It helps me a lot."
"How about you get your food and eat beside me in here?"
"That sounds good." He got his plate and curled up next to Enjolras. "Thank
you, sir."
"You're welcome." Enjolras was reading through walls of text that Grantaire
didn't have a prayer of being able to read, so he relaxed and ate until
Enjolras spoke again. "You remember how I said the people who hurt you would
never face justice because of our legal system?"
"Yes, sir."
"Well, they might. I assumed your first master kept you awhile, and you were
sold when you were thirteen. But then I realized that I must've assumed wrong,
because your records show you being with your first master until you were
fifteen, but but you say you were only with him for months?"
"Yes sir. My first master sold me after four months."
"It doesn't show him on here, which means they wanted to keep it quiet."
Enjolras did a search on the one that showed as Grantaire's first master.
"Here. Do you recognize him?"
Grantaire flinched. "Yes sir. He was my third master. The one who enjoyed
beating me."
"It says he bought you as a ten year old, and the other two aren't on here.
They aren't here because even this fucked up world has limits. It's illegal to
take a slave's virginity until they're fifteen, but your first master prepared
you to be taken and willingly sold you to someone he knew would use you for
sex, so they both broke the law. Unfortunately, one slave testifying isn't
strong enough evidence to convict them."
"What if my first owner is still taking children and training them for sex? He
must be nearing fifty, but he probably likes the age difference, sick bastard.
If I testify, and that child testifies, and we can find sex toys in his
apartment, he could be arrested!" Grantaire's eyes lit up and he turned to
Enjolras. "We could catch him!"
Enjolras looked stunned. "Yeah, we could. Grantaire, I- you've never talked
like that before."
Grantaire froze. "I'm so sorry I-"
"No, no I'm happy!" Enjolras hugged Grantaire and smiled. "Gosh, that's
brilliant thinking, we can stop the man who hurt you from hurting others and
make him pay for what he did." Enjolras set his laptop aside and snuggled up to
Grantaire. "I'm only your owner in technicality, I view you as my equal. I care
about you and love it when you say feel comfortable enough to talk to me
freely. You're doing really well."
Grantaire beamed at him and looked down, still happy. "If I can speak freely
then may I ask to go by she? Just for now. It's hard to explain but my gender
mood shifts a lot."
"Of course. It's okay to have shifts, it's part of being genderfluid."
Grantaire looked so joyful Enjolras wished he could take a picture of her. "Do
you have hair ties? Maybe from a girl you've had stay here?"
Enjolras laughed. "I have hair ties for myself!" He shuffled through his
bedside table drawer and handed Grantaire a plain black hair tie. "Try it."
Grantaire took it and figured out how to loop her hair through and left it in a
loose ponytail at the base of her neck. "How is it?"
"You look nice." Enjolras felt warmth stir inside of him as Grantaire rested
her head on his shoulder and dozed off, exhausted from the mentally tiring day.
Enjolras held Grantaire around her waist and Grantaire smiled, eyes closed and
breathing deepening.
Enjolras worked for a long time, digging through records and transactions to
find who was Grantaire's first owner. Whoever covered up for him was good, so
Enjolras decided to look up people who regularly went to auctions, since
everyone had to sign a guest book of sorts. Enjolras grimaced in disgust when
he saw his own name, even though it was a necessity for his cover.
He decided to do an image search on the first twenty, finding Facebook accounts
with photos.
"Hey R?"
"Hm?"
"I'm going to show you some pictures, and if you can, I want you to pick out
who was your first master."
"Okay, sir."
Enjolras moved the laptop so Grantaire could see it better. He clicked through
pictures and Grantaire didn't recognize anyone.
"Hmmm, do you remember the date you were first sold?"
"Yes sir, I couldn't forget if I tried. It was November 20th, when I was ten."
"Fifteen years ago. Hmm, maybe I can get names from that auction."
Enjolras did the same thing and showed Grantaire pictures, and the seventh one
clicked.
"That's him! I'm sure of it."
"Thomas Gruner. He isn't shown to be owning any slaves, but if he went under
the table then that makes sense. He could still be at work. I'll file a request
to have him investigated. I'm respected well enough I'm sure they'll do it."
Grantaire smiled and dozed again. "Thank you."
"Thank YOU. I want him behind bars as much as you do."
Enjolras watched Grantaire drift off on his shoulder and pulled his phone out,
glancing again at Grantaire to make sure she wasn't watching.
Enjolras: Combeferre I have a problem
Combeferre: spill it
Enjolras: Grantaire is genderfluid and I'm attracted to Grantaire even even she
identifies as female and I feel like I'm massively disrespecting her gender
since I have no interest in women
Combeferre: your mind and body know it's the same person, it probably means
you're demisexual
Enjolras: but I've never ever been even emotionally attracted to a woman I feel
like I'm so disrespectful and that I must not be truly seeing Grantaire as a
girl when she is one
Combeferre: sexuality can be just a fluid as gender you know, Grantaire can
just be the exception to your otherwise total gayness
Enjolras: I just feel bad
Combeferre: how do you feel about Grantaire's long hair and breasts or any
other "feminine" she has?
Enjolras: never thought much about them I'm just attracted to Grantaire not
really any parts of her body except maybe her eyes or smile
Combeferre: congratulations you're demisexual
Also you like gazing into Grantaire's eyes? You're done for
Enjolras groaned and bit back a smile. Grantaire stirred and moved to wrap her
arms around Enjolras, sleepily nuzzling his neck. "Hmmm, Enjolras."
"R?" Enjolras stroked her hair and Grantaire opened her eyes. "You said my
name."
Grantaire paled. "Master I'm so sorry-"
"No, no I like it. I love hearing you say my name." Enjolras set his laptop
aside so he could snuggle with Grantaire. "I like that you're comfortable
enough to address me by my name."
"I- sir, I don't really feel comfortable. It just slipped out."
"It's okay. I understand if you need more time to get used to it but I really
like it." Enjolras took the liberty of gazing into Grantaire's eyes as he
cuddled with her. "I care about you a lot."
"I care about you too, master. I want to please you." Grantaire didn't say it
with any panic in her voice, but just as a fact.
"R, I know it's been trained into you-"
"No. Master, please listen." Grantaire looked into his eyes and said, "I want
to make you happy, and please you, because I care about you too. It's not
training, sir, I just- I- I really like you, and I- um, I just, I don't know
how to say it but it's not training." She knew it was really that she loved
Enjolras, but that was unacceptable for a slave to say.
"Okay. I just never want you to do something because you feel you owe me."
Grantaire frowned. "Sir, I wouldn't lie to you."
"I know. But I worry about you doing something because you feel you have to, or
submitting to me and doing something you don't want but not having the proper
mindset to speak up to me. I just don't want to accidentally hurt you."
"Enjolras?"
Grantaire noticed the way his eyes lit up and how his attention was intensely
set on her and made note of how powerful an effect her saying his name was. "If
I may say so, no one who's ever hurt me or anyone I know did it on accident. I
get scared sometimes, and it's really hard for me to get used to everything,
but here with you, like this, I feel safe. And I can't say I believe everything
you tell me, I've never had someone who wanted to hold and comfort me just so
I'd feel better with no ulterior motive, or teach me how to read or watch a
movie and eat pizza and have me sit on the couch with them. You make me feel
like I'm worth something." Grantaire sniffled and Enjolras let her cry on his
shoulder, soothing her through it.
"You are worth something. You're a person, a friend, an anything you want to
be." Enjolras waited until she was done crying and said, "You have an eye
doctor appointment tomorrow. We'll see what kind of glasses you need and we'll
get them ordered."
"Thank you."
Enjolras wanted to kiss Grantaire so badly but held back, knowing that
Grantaire was still so new to the concept of being able to say no. He settled
instead with saying, "Do you want to read more?"
"Sure."
They snuggled up in the library on the window seat and Grantaire practiced
reading aloud. Enjolras was having to help her less and less and she glowed
whenever he praised her.
Grantaire was more nervous than Enjolras had ever seen her when they went to
get her eyes examined. She was in her green dress and had fashionable boots and
tights. Enjolras told her she looked very nice but Grantaire was still anxious,
eyes darting around and wondering how many people were judging her for being a
skinny little slave wearing clothes and holding her master's hand.
Grantaire thought the eye exam might hurt but was pleasantly surprised. The
doctor looked at her eyes and then did a few vision tests where Grantaire was
asked to say what she could see in lines of letters.
"Alright, here's your prescription. Go out and pick out your frames and we'll
get your glasses on order."
"Thank you," said Enjolras for Grantaire, seeing how overwhelmed she was
getting. He led her out to a wall of glasses frames with mirrors here and there
so customers could see how they looked. "Can you pick out a pair of glasses you
like?"
Grantaire shook her head. "Sir, I- I can't."
"How about I'll pick ones for you to try and you can chose from those?" She
nodded and Enjolras started looking for ones that would suit Grantaire's face.
Eventually they settled with black frames that held oval lenses that in
Enjolras's opinion, made Grantaire even more attractive.
Enjolras waited until he got home and excused himself to use the bathroom as
Grantaire tried reading by himself to go and text Combeferre.
Enjolras: oh god help me Grantaire looks so hot in her glasses like no she's
not rly hot hot but she's cute and attractive and I wanna melt
Combeferre: you have a glasses kink huh
Enjolras: yeah a bit
Combeferre: LMFAO did you forget I wear glasses
Enjolras: SHIT
Okay so you're kinda attractive too
Combeferre: you have a crush on me
Enjolras: okay I USED to now I'm just pining for a person I can never fully be
with
Combeferre: Grantaire may not blame you for what happened you were a victim of
abuse
Enjolras: yeah I'm scared Grantaire won't hold me accountable that's terrifying
to me
Btw we're moving through Sorcerer's Stone pretty quickly do you think chamber
of secrets will be okay to watch so soon
Combeferre: the fact that you capitalized the first title but not the second
pisses me off but I don't know it could be great it could be awful just be
prepared
Enjolras: okay
They settled into a comfortable routine over the next week. Grantaire didn't
call Enjolras by his name very often and Enjolras assumed it was because
Grantaire was still getting used to it. Grantaire's gender changed every couple
of days, back and forth between male and female and Enjolras made sure to
always support Grantaire and use proper pronouns.
His glasses came in and Enjolras brought them home on his way back from doing
shopping. "Hey R? You glasses are here!"
Grantaire ran out from the library, still holding the tablet with the Harry
Potter book open and he stuck a bookmark in it and took his glasses case in his
hands. "Do you want me to put them on, sir?"
"Yes. You should wear them pretty much all the time except for when you sleep,
shower, or brush your hair. Try them on." Grantaire opened the case and slid
them on, his eyes widening as he did so. "It'll take some adjustment, and you
might get some headaches over the next few days but it'll be worth it. How do
they feel?"
Grantaire looked at Enjolras with an awestruck expression. "Can I touch your
hair, Enjolras?"
"Uh, sure."
He moved in close and wonderingly stroked Enjolras's hair, looking at the
details and individual strands that his eyes hadn't been able to detect before.
"You're even more beautiful than I thought." He shut his mouth and blushed,
glad that all Enjolras did was laugh.
"What else can you see?"
Grantaire looked at Enjolras's red jacket and he smiled, running back into the
library to pick up the physical Harry Potter book. He opened it and his face
fell for a moment. "The letters still move a bit, but they're clearer, and I
can see the texture of the paper! I've never seen that before! And the details
and stitches on your jacket! I never knew that it was possible to see all
that!"
"I'm glad they're helping." Enjolras wondered what it would be like to live for
twenty five years and never be able to see things like the details on leaves
and fabric. There were different kinds of abuse, he realized. Aside from
hurting or starving someone, there was denying them things that they uniquely
needed, like glasses, in Grantaire's case.
Grantaire threw his arms around Enjolras and hugged him tightly. "Oh Enjolras,
thank you so much!"
"You're welcome." Enjolras was jubilant as he pulled out of Grantaire's hug.
"By the way, law enforcement went through with my tip and you're right, Gruner
was still in operation. With your testimony and the boy he had now, he's been
arrested and may lead to others he sold to. As a thank you, I'm getting the boy
for free, which is extremely good news because his name is Gavroche Thenardier,
Eponine's little brother."
***** Chapter 8 *****
Chapter Summary
     Hey all thanks for you support, your comments and kudos keep me
     going!
     This is kinda short but the next chapter will be longer I swear.
Grantaire looked at Gavroche in amazement. The boy was a little skinny but
other than that, he had a cheeky grin and mischief in his eyes.
"Old rat wanted me to sleep in his bed. I refused off course, just lived off
his hospitality, no biggie. Tried to touch me but I broke his finger." Gavroche
shrugged like it was no big deal and Eponine hugged him, breaking down crying
in Enjolras's living room.
"God I'm so glad you're safe! Oh Gavroche, if you had given in, if you'd been
there longer how you would be-"
"Nah, nothin' could break me sis, I'm fine."
Grantaire knelt down by Gavroche. "You're very brave."
"I lived on the streets, this was nothing."
Grantaire shook his head, biting his lip, tears forming in his eyes. "No, no
you don't understand." He stood up, took off his shirt, and slowly turned
around so Gavroche could see his body. "I was ten when my father sold me to
him. Look at what's happened to me. Look how broken I am. I lost my virginity
when i was eleven. I still expect to be hit or used or punished for existing, I
still expect to be hurt and starved, and it all started with him."
Gavroche stared. "I'm sorry about what happened, but why do you have boobs?"
Eponine blanched. "I'm so sorry- he's twelve-"
Grantaire shrugged. "It's a fair question. One if my prior masters got me to
produce milk like a pregnant woman and gave me shots of estrogen."
Enjolras held Grantaire's hand and said, "Grantaire is very brave too. He's why
we could find that man and get you out. Your sister is living with a friend of
mine, although still under my legal ownership and protection to avoid
suspicion. Would you like to go with her?"
"Yeah!"
Enjolras took Gavroche and Eponine to Courfeyrac's so Gavroche could settle in
and returned home to find Grantaire kneeling and crying on the floor.
"R? What happened?"
"I'm so weak. I- I was broken in three days, and that kid was there for weeks
and thought it was nothing."
Enjolras knelt beside him and put an arm around him. "You were younger and you
were terrified and suffering emotional loss. He had no leverage on Gavroche
like he did on you. You're not weak."
Grantaire melted into Enjolras's embrace and cried for a long time, letting
Enjolras soothe and cuddle him. "You're so precious to me. I love you so much,
Grantaire. You're not weak, you're so brave and kind and sweet. You're doing so
well and you're leaning how to read and I'm proud of you."
"Thank you."
Enjolras helped Grantaire stand up and asked, "Would you like to read with me?
We're almost done with Sorcerer's Stone. I bet we could finish tonight."
"I'd like that."
Grantaire was a fast learner and could read most everything but totally new
words by himself, and even then he could sound it out to where Enjolras could
tell him what it was without reading along.
He finished after twenty minutes and looked at Enjolras. "Can we move onto book
or movie two?"
"Um." Grantaire was still so fragile after three weeks, but Enjolras knew he'd
like most of it, especially with his new glasses. "Well, I think you'd like it,
but I'm honestly worried that it'll trigger you."
"I don't mind violence sir, most of this is tame compared to real life-"
"I know, but there's a character who's a slave who starts off in a rather bad
place, he's kinda like you actually, and I just don't want you to be upset."
Grantaire felt confused. "There's a slave in the movie?" Movie characters were
important people, clever people, interesting people. Free people.
"Yes. He's a likable, sympathetic character, but he's abused and sometimes
punishes himself, Malfoy's family owns him, and I don't want you to be upset.
We could probably skip to the third movie."
"No, if it's okay, I want to watch it."
Grantaire curled up with Enjolras on the couch and felt warm and comfortable as
Enjolras draped a blanket over them and started the movie.
He thoroughly enjoyed the movie. He flinched a little in sympathy when Dobby
(or anyone) was hurt but he loved it. Sometimes he would gasp at particularly
beautiful scenes and would smile at how clear everything was and just the joy
of watching a movie.
Enjolras tensed whenever Dobby came onscreen, but Grantaire was unbothered.
Until he burst into tears during the credits.
"R? You okay?"
"Is- is it really how people think? A slave can want to be free? A slave can
deserve to be free? A slave could be smart and use magic and be important?"
Enjolras pulled Grantaire onto his lap. "Oh Grantaire. Yes, it's okay. It's
encouraged. Many people feel that no one, not even slaves, should want to not
be free or should want to be in pain. No one deserves that."
"I- I never knew there were people who thought like that. There are people who
think I should be free?" Grantaire sobbed as Enjolras cuddled him.
"Yes, Grantaire. I'm not the exception. There are lots of people who want
slavery gone for good. Not one person in the world going through what you or
anyone else has. No one should be owned by another."
"Enjolras? I can't be free though. I just- I can't."
"I know you need a lot more time. We have all the time in the world, R. It's
okay."
Enjolras tucked Grantaire in and smiled at him as he settled in to sleep.
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight Enjolras."
Enjolras got ready for bed and smiled to himself. Talk about media
representation. He closed his eyes and fell asleep immediately.
Considering how wild the day had been, Grantaire shouldn't have been surprised
that he had a nightmare.
His knees were forced apart by a spreader bar, hands bound in front of him and
sobs escaping him as his master thrust hard into him.
"Quiet, bitch!" he snapped.
Grantaire tried, he tried so hard, but he couldn't keep the shouts of pain down
or the tears away, he was so weak, so disobedient, he deserved the strike of
the cane that landed across his back, all his pain tolerance gone as he
screamed. Person after person came and raped him, laughing at his attempts to
get away and asking for the man with the cane to best him harder, turn his back
raw-
"Grantaire?"
He jolted awake and croaked, "Enjolras?"
Enjolras was on the bed and hugging him close and for the third time that day,
helping him through his tears. "Shhhhh, sweetheart. It's okay. I've got you."
Grantaire shook and cried for almost ten minutes. "Th-thank you."
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
"No, sir."
Enjolras took Grantaire calling him sir as a bad sign and frowned. "Would it
help if I stayed with you? In your bed? You sounded terrified."
"Yes. Please. I was scared."
He felt a bit guilty about being so intimate with Grantaire when he was
vulnerable but Enjolras laid down and took Grantaire in his arms, cuddling up
to him and smiling despite himself when he did the same.
They woke up curled together, legs intertwined and bodies pressed close,
Grantaire's head resting in the hollow of Enjolras's neck. Grantaire blinked
several times and sighed with content as Enjolras shifted slightly and ruffled
Grantaire's hair.
"Morning."
"Good morning, R. Sleep better with me here?"
"Yeah."
Enjolras wanted to snuggle more but groaned as his cell phone went off. "Fuck,
that'll be my mom. Um, my parents think I'm a slave driver rapist scum so they
give me money to buy people, so just know that if you overhear me say anything
that it's an act, okay?"
"Okay." Grantaire yawned and stretched as Enjolras stumbled out of bed to get
his phone and picked it up as he walked out of the room.
"Hello?"
"Enjolras, darling, so good to talk to you!"
"The pleasure is all mine, mother." Enjolras grimaced and wandered out into the
kitchen making faces as his mother talked.
"You were on the news, dear. You have a slave that led you to a child
molester?"
"Yes mother, he told me what happened to him years ago, and when I noticed his
records didn't match up I knew there was something illegal going on."
There was a pause and his mother said, "Well dear, I'm glad you're using that
law degree for more than freelance work in which you don't get paid hardly
anything, but really, I guess I'm curious as to why your slave told you about
this. Isn't he well trained? The past is in the past, not that it isn't a good
thing that you caught those men, but you don't seem to be fully in charge of
your household."
Enjolras bit his lip before putting all the cold indifference to Grantaire's
well being he could in his voice. "It's clear to me that the product suffered
trauma which affects his performance. It was beneficial for our community to
weed him out, mother. My slave was broken far too early, which has lowered his
potential of service to me. I'm keeping him, of course, but I don't want anyone
else having these problems."
"Good dear. I'm glad it wasn't for some soft reason like caring for your
slave's emotions."
Enjolras grit his teeth. "Of course not."
"Your father and I would like to visit you, actually. It seems like you've
finally taken to a slave. I fully support your sexual orientation and it's good
that you've got yourself a nice stress outlet."
Panic flooded Enjolras. "Wh-what? When are you coming?"
"Oh, maybe in a week. It's been months since we saw you, sweetheart."
"Um, yeah. Cool."
"You have time to get ready of course, I love you!"
"Love you too." Enjolras hung up and shouted, "FUCK!"
Grantaire came downstairs, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and asked, "What is
it?"
"My parents want to come visit us next week. Fuck. Shit. Goddamn it, they're
abusive and are gonna treat you like shit and I gotta get you a place at
Courfeyrac's or something-"
"No. Please, I know it's important for us to act."
Enjolras shook his head. "I can't put you through that."
"A day of verbal abuse and kneeling is nothing, I know you love me, I'll be
okay."
Enjolras smiled. "I do love you, that's why I can't let you do this little
charade that I do because it could end with you crashing and erasing all trust
we've built between us. I can't do it."
Grantaire paled, realizing he said love. "I didn't mean to presume-"
"No, I love you. I really do. I love and care for you. But- R, I can't go into
details, but my father is the one who gave me those whip scars. He's cruel, so
is my mother. They're toxic and are deeply horrible people."
Grantaire hugged Enjolras. "I've come a long way. You've helped me a lot over
the past month or so. I can do this. For everyone who isn't acting when they
kneel and cry and beg for food."
"If you're sure. I feel like shit for putting you through this."
"It's okay." Grantaire gave Enjolras a squeeze and said softly, "I love you
too."
"R- please, I can't-"
"I'm not asking to be romantically loved back, Enjolras. I know I'm not whole
and you have some things going on, and I know you can't love me back. But
please, know that I love you, very very much, with all of myself, and that it's
just as valid as a free person, because in the past month the only thing clear
to me is my love for you, and if you say it isn't true then I don't know what
to do with myself. I struggle with a lot, with even thinking of myself as a
person, with trying to believe that everything that was done to me was really
undeserved, it's so hard, but you're helping me. I love you, and you need to
know it."
Enjolras wished he could believe that it wasn't just because he saved Grantaire
but didn't voice it. "I love you. I can't romantically love you right now, but
I love you so much." He stroked Grantaire's cheek and rubbed his back. "I'm
very touched by what you said, and I'm not rejecting you, but it's a little
complicated for me."
"Okay."
Enjolras sighed and frowned. "My parents will expect me to objectify you. To
talk like you aren't in the room. To brag about having sex with you. I'll wind
up saying a lot of awful things and probably petting you like you're a pet. Can
you promise me you won't sink into thinking I really feel like that about you?"
"I think so. I know it'll be an act, and I can do my part too. I'll act like a
well trained slave."
Enjolras looked troubled and he looked at the ground. "I don't feel comfortable
at all doing this to you. Are you SURE you'll be up to it?"
"Yes, Enj. You'll make sure I won't be hit or anything, right?"
"On my life."
Grantaire noticed Enjolras looked troubled and pressed, "You're worried that
they'll try to get their hands on me."
"My father- he- he may want to use you for sex. He'll want to, but I'll act
possessive so he'll lay off, no way in fucking hell will he have sex with you,
I'll stop it, but it'll be uncomfortable and triggering."
Grantaire hugged Enjolras and said, "You'll keep me safe. Even they'll honor
that I'm yours."
"I hope so. I might kill him if he lays hands on you."
They ate breakfast in comfortable silence, Enjolras churning with anxiety and
Grantaire held his hand to calm him. "Do you want to go our and check on those
violets we planted? I think I'd like to draw them, if they look nice."
"Okay."
Enjolras worked on researching for a case as Grantaire drew, both putting off
the worries of Enjolras's parent's visit to try and have a nice day together.
***** Chapter 9 *****
Chapter Summary
     To celebrate getting over 100 kudos, I'm coming off anon! As of right
     now this is officially my most kudo'd fic and it'd be silly to not
     have my username on it, so surprise! Now you can all read and comment
     and kudo my other fics :P
     Okay but really I'm so glad for your guys support it means a lot.
Enjolras hugged Grantaire tightly. "I love you. I love you and neither of them
will be able to hurt you. Remember that."
Grantaire nodded. "I love you too. I'll be okay."
"If they give you a command that's over the line, I'll stop them. Don't do
anything you don't feel comfortable doing."
Grantaire knelt at Enjolras feet, naked except for his collar and hands free
breast pump, even his glasses put away. "Yes, master."
Enjolras sighed and straightened his jacket, warmth leaving his expression when
the doorbell rang.
"Enjolras, darling!"
His mother rushed in and hugged him, his father following close behind with a
slave Enjolras recognized as Bennett.
"Hello, mother." Enjolras smiled as best he could and let his father hug him.
Grantaire noticed Enjolras's father linger and his hand dip down to rub the
small of Enjolras's back, but Enjolras didn't react at all to it.
"Is this the slave that made the news? The damaged goods?" She looked at
Grantaire disdainfully, and Grantaire only stared ahead with his hands behind
his back.
"Please mother, he's still very good for me. His milk sells well, and the only
reason I knew about his problems was the screaming from his night terrors."
Enjolras's father knelt down and examined Grantaire's back. "It's certainly
seen better days. You have some odd taste."
"He was on sale, and he's very docile and obedient for me. I even make a profit
off of his milk." Enjolras felt his heart race with alarm at seeing his father
so close to Grantaire. "I'd prefer it if you didn't touch him. I rather like
the idea of me being the sole owner of him. Just me, for everything in his
little life. It's rather empowering."
His father nodded. "That's a nice way to think of it, but I would hope you'd be
just a little lenient for me. You can think on it." He turned to Grantaire and
ordered, "You ought to welcome me to your master's house, didn't he train you?"
Grantaire bowed his head and kissed the back of Enjolras's father's hand.
"Welcome, sir and mistress." He crawled to Enjolras's mother and kissed her
hand, kneeling up again with his head bowed.
"Good boy," praised Enjolras. He stroked Grantaire's hair and Grantaire
reflexively pressed up into his touch. "Look how needy he is. It's almost more
fun to chain him down alone in the cold for his punishments than to whip him."
"Speaking of whipping, I don't see any fresh cuts." Enjolras's father frowned.
"I only use a belt. I don't want to mark him more, and healing cuts would take
energy he could be using to make milk." Even though Enjolras was acting,
Grantaire got chills of fear down his spine at the cold, terrible look he had.
Enjolras snapped his fingers at Grantaire. "Get us drinks."
Enjolras led his parents with Bennett crawling behind them, settling in the
living room as Grantaire frantically poured coffee and tea for Enjolras's
family and made them how Enjolras had told him to. He carried them out on a
tray and knelt by the coffee table and Enjolras, forcing himself to make no eye
contact with anyone and to show no emotion.
"Well dear, it's so good to see you have your household in order." Enjolras's
mother smiled at her son and drank her coffee. She eyed Grantaire and asked,
"Does he service you well? I should hope he is pleasurable in bed to make up
for his appearance."
"He's very good for me, mother." Enjolras lounged back on the couch and looked
at Grantaire. "I know you worry he's been damaged but I assure you, he has a
true desire to serve."
Enjolras's father snapped his fingers and both Grantaire and Bennett's heads
snapped up. "You," he said pointing to Grantaire. "What is your most valuable
possession?"
Grantaire knew it was a trick question and luckily knew the answer, settling
into a sort of subspace. "A slave does not own anything, but I am proud to be I
trusted with my master's collar, sir."
"Well, at least it seems to have been trained well."
Grantaire's knees ached and he was relieved when Enjolras ordered him to make
dinner. He strained his ears to hear what Enjolras and his parents were talking
about as he cooked fish and broccoli with rice.
"We wanted to show you just how happy we are that you're finally settling into
our lifestyle," said Enjolras's mother. "Bennett has been with us a long time,
as you know, since you named him, but he's getting rather old, and since you're
rather sentimental we thought he'd make a nice gift."
Enjolras let real warmth and gratitude into his voice. "Oh mother, thank you!"
"We must ask that you don't free or sell him. He's been in the family for years
and we'd like to keep it that was, understood?"
"Yes, father." Enjolras did want to free him but knew that having Bennett live
with him was infinitely better than with his parents. "I'm very happy you're
giving him to me, I could use more help with the upkeep of this place. Dinner
should be just about ready."
Enjolras and his parents sat at the table and Grantaire quickly served them all
food, kneeling beside Enjolras while Bennett stayed in the corner of the room.
Enjolras tasted his steak and said, "Medium rare, just as I like it. Good boy."
He fed Grantaire a bite and Grantaire gratefully ate and licked Enjolras's
fingers.
"Thank you, master."
"You spoil him. You should know that when you adopt an abused dog you simply
have to be stricter with your house training."
Grantaire didn't even flinch at being called a dog but he could feel his heart
beating frantically with fear, afraid that he would be whipped or beaten and
Enjolras wouldn't be able to stop it.
"I am not lenient, but I also believe in positive enforcement. And as I said,
nutrition is important for quality milk." Enjolras held out a piece of broccoli
and Grantaire ate it, licking and kissing Enjolras's hand after he swallowed.
"I think I can put his mouth to better use." Enjolras's father parted his legs
and shifted in his chair. He looked at Grantaire and ordered, "Come here."
"Father I must insist-"
"Enjolras if I want to be serviced by a slave-"
"As his owner I-"
"Master," said Grantaire quietly. Both men fell silent and Grantaire shifted
awkwardly. "Please master, I know you are concerned, but I wish to serve. I
will gladly accept a punishment for speaking out of turn."
"As you should!" snapped Enjolras's father. "Good God, your slave has to remind
you of his place!"
"I'm sorry father, I was just worried, as you look like one of his masters who
was responsible for taking his body for sex before ripe. I don't want any more
damage done to him. It was silly of me, and I'll admit I have a possessive
streak."
"Silly indeed." Enjolras's father unzipped his fly and Enjolras felt a lump in
his throat, he wanted to stop it to tear Grantaire away to keep him safe and
out of this horrid world but he couldn't move as Grantaire knelt between his
father's legs under the table and sucked the tip of his cock into his mouth,
slowly licking and sucking him to hardness.
Enjolras's mother finished her dinner and turned to Enjolras. "I'm so proud of
you. You've taken so well to being who you were meant to be. I remember how you
were after the first slave we gave you to have sex with, how ashamed you were
of taking what was rightfully yours. It's so good to see you've grown up."
Grantaire felt a shock go down his body but he hid his panic and fear by
swallowing Enjolras's father's cock, closing his eyes and letting it slide in
and out, like he had down hundreds, maybe thousands, of times before with other
men. He felt Enjolras's father grasp his hair and pull harshly as he rocked his
hips into Grantaire's mouth, slowing face fucking him.
"I was upset because you whipped me!" Enjolras glared at his father and hissed,
"I still have the scars. I think I'm allowed to not remember that night
fondly."
"You needed a push. I didn't want to mar you, but you didn't leave me a choice.
Look where you are now! I'm sure you can agree it was for the best." He held
Grantaire's head still and increased his pace, slamming into the back of
Grantaire's throat with thrusts that would've choked a less experienced person.
Grantaire fully relaxed his jaw and throat and hummed, letting the vibrations
please Enjolras's father even more. "I'll admit this, your pet has a lovely
throat."
"I don't want to talk about that night," said Enjolras, trying to control
himself enough to not ruin his act. "I prefer sex without restraints and in a
bed, at night."
Grantaire was taken by surprise when Enjolras's father came down his throat
with a soft sigh. "To each their own. I'll admit, this one was a good choice.
Definitely better when you're not looking at it." He pulled Grantaire's head
back by his scalp and watched as he licked a dribble of come from the corner of
his mouth. "Good cockslut." He looked at Enjolras and said, "Remember to give
him a thorough belting after you change his milk bottles, they're full."
"Of course," said Enjolras, with his maximum amount of fake politeness.
Enjolras escorted his parents out, glancing to Grantaire kneeling on the
ground. He watched Enjolras's father hug him and rest a hand on his hip as he
kissed his cheek, very close to his lips. "I love you."
"Love you too." Enjolras hid his grimace and hugged his mother, locking the
door after the left with a sigh of relief.
Grantaire was still kneeling in a daze. Enjolras moved beside him and said
softly, "Hey it's okay. They're gone."
"I'll accept my punishment, master. Please."
Enjolras frowned. "Grantaire? I'm not going to hurt you."
"I spoke out of turn." Grantaire bent over with his forehead touching the
floor, exposing his back. "Please whip me, master."
"No. No no no no- fuck!" Enjolras knelt down and gently pulled Grantaire up off
the floor. "Sweetheart, it's okay. It was all an act, I'm not gonna hurt you.
You're safe. You're my Grantaire, and I love you. You're okay."
Grantaire looked frightened and he started shaking. "Enj?"
"Yes, it's me. I'm not going to hurt you. I rescued you, and you said you would
help me by acting in front of my parents but I thought it would be too much I
didn't want you to suck my father off R dear God-"
"It's okay. It's nothing to me. I wanted to convince them, and I was scared."
Enjolras hugged Grantaire and he hugged back. "I'm okay. I just- I lost track
of where I was."
"Shhhhh, it's okay. Bennett, you know me. Get a shower, make yourself at home."
Bennett nodded and got up, going upstairs to shower. "Come on Grantaire, are
you okay?"
"I- I was so scared. But I settled into a slave mindset and I felt okay but the
way the talked, the way you talked, I know it was an act but I'm really shaken.
And hungry."
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Stand up, I'm going to get you some food."
Enjolras helped Grantaire up and Grantaire stuck his milk bottles in the
fridge, feeling numb and tired. He got dressed in his room and put his glasses
on, tying his hair back and coming back downstairs. Thoughts swirled around in
his head, from the way Enjolras's father's hands lingered on his son to what
his mother had spilled about Enjolras, the later being more troubling.
"You look nice. Feeling better?"
Grantaire nodded. Enjolras handed him a plate with a steak, broccoli, rice, and
a dish of applesauce, which he knew Grantaire was fond of. Grantaire took his
food to the table and Enjolras sat beside him. He ate quietly for a few minutes
but couldn't get the question out of his mind. "Were you going to tell me?"
Enjolras didn't have to guess what he meant. He bit his lip and his stomach
churned. "Yes. I was. I waited because you were so fragile, and I didn't want
to tell you, to breach your trust when I had to build it for your recovery. I-
I am ashamed, and it is not who I am, but yes, I raped someone."
Grantaire looked Enjolras directly in the eyes, his own eyes sorrowful and
clouded. "Tell me you're lying."
"I am not."
"You- tell me what happened. Tell me how you could do such a thing." Grantaire
looked truly afraid and Enjolras couldn't look him in the eyes as he spoke.
"I was fifteen. My family knew I was against slavery when I was little, but I
had started to play along with them to make our slaves' lives better, and
convinced them I was for it. But they thought it was about time for me to
become sexually active. When I was twelve I convinced them that I wanted a
slave of my own and they sort of let me take one of the house slaves to be my
personal pet, if you will. Her name was Dani, and she became like a sister to
me, by day we acted like master and slave or owner and pet, and by night we
slept beside each other in my bed and talked feely. I never felt attraction to
her and it was obvious I wasn't into women, so my father made a plan for me.
"One evening he took me into the basement and wanted me to rape a slave he had
bound to a table and gagged. I refused, so he chained me up on the wall and
beat me with his belt, and then with a whip until I gave in. I raped someone
and I'm not proud and didn't enjoy it, I cried and apologized over and over but
I was frightened and easily broken. You must feel betrayed, or that I've put on
a front, and I'm sorry. I've always hated myself for what I've done, and I have
scars on my thighs to prove it."
Enjolras didn't look up but he heard Grantaire sniffle. "Oh Enjolras, I- I
thought that you had raped someone and then- then been whipped for it I had no
idea it was the other way around." Grantaire reached out and cupped Enjolras's
cheek, making him look up. "It wasn't your fault."
"I was afraid you would say that, that I'm innocent and was forced but I
could've just let him whip me until I died-"
"Enjolras!" Tears rolled down Grantaire's face. "How could you say that? I've
seen those scars, I know how much it hurts. Your father is terrifying but- but
you're so brave. You're so brave. You stood up to him, and I know that whoever
it was forgave you, it was your father, not you."
"That's what Combeferre said, but I can't ever be guilt free from this, ever,
and just- how dare I pretend I'm not a monster like my father, but just driven
by guilt? I've done what he has done!"
"No. Enjolras, listen to me." Grantaire scooted close to Enjolras and took his
hand, still stroking his face. "Everyone who's ever hurt me wanted to hurt me.
They did what they did to watch me suffer and be in pain and laugh and get a
rush and be in pleasure because they enjoyed hurting me and using me and
tearing me open as they raped me and getting hard as they whipped me. No rapist
or torturer is every sorry or cries or apologizes. I don't know what to call
what you did, but you couldn't be more different from your father.
"I know you're angry about tonight, but I consented. I spat in his face in my
own way because I gave them undeniable proof and chose to do it, and that's
what matters. I chose it."
Enjolras nodded, a lump rising in his throat. "I'm not angry, Grantaire. I
could never be angry with you. But you have to understand, what I did all those
years ago still hurts very much, and that I love you very much, and I'm
attracted to you in the way that I long to be closer than hugging you, and I
feel terrible that I want you even when I have to right to, and I don't know if
I'll ever feel okay with having any sort of romantic or sexual relationship
with you."
"I understand." Grantaire stood up and pulled Enjolras into a hug, both of them
wiping their eyes and sniffling. "I love you too, and I wish you wouldn't blame
yourself. I know it might be hard, or that you feel I'm asking you to not
express yourself, but please never say you wish your father had killed you. I
need you, I love you, and without you I'd either be dead or being tortured
somewhere and- and I can't bear to hear you say that you wish you weren't
here."
Enjolras hugged Grantaire tightly. "I'm so glad I'm here, for you and everyone
else I've saved, and I won't say that again. I know it's upsetting, and that my
guilt is put to better use. I love you too."
Grantaire awkwardly looked down at the floor. "I don't want to impose, but
after today, I mean it's better than waking you and being upset later, but I
was hoping you could hold me tonight, so I won't have nightmares."
"Of course. I'd be glad to." Enjolras and Grantaire got ready for bed
separately and then snuggled in Enjolras's bed. He held Grantaire close in his
arms and smiled as Grantaire relaxed and closed his eyes, feeling safe and
loved. Enjolras wished he could snuggle Grantaire every night but was content
with this, seeing the peace on Grantaire's face and the warmth of his body next
to his.
***** Chapter 10 *****
Chapter Summary
     Sorry about the wait, had to rewrite a chunk of this due to it
     accidentally getting deleted.
     I really appriciate and love all of your comments!
Grantaire drifted into a deep sleep, sighing softly when he heard Enjolras say,
"I love you so much. Remember that. It's why I do everything I do."
His dream self tried to move and his eyes flew open in alarm.
He was in his first master's bedroom.
Enjolras loomed over him as he squirmed, obediently opening his mouth for
Enjolras to press a gag in and buckle it behind his head. "Good boy." Grantaire
hummed at the praise and he relaxed as Enjolras slowly pet and stroked his
abdomen. "That's it, just relax. You're being so good for me, Grantaire. Such a
perfect, wonderful boy."
The praise worked and Grantaire melted, sagging in his bonds and sighing as
Enjolras caressed his body. He moved to thumb at Grantaire's nipples and he
closed his eyes, moaning through the gag. "Beautiful, R. Some man is going to
be very lucky to have you. So submissive and obedient for me."
Enjolras slipped a blindfold over Grantaire's eyes and he hummed, unconcerned
about his lack of sight. "Good boy. I'm going to introduce you to a new toy,
and I want you to warm up to it, okay?" Enjolras thumbed and tugged at his
nipples again and Grantaire shouted when he felt a sharp pain from a nipple
clamp. "Shhhh, now for the other." He whimpered loudly as Enjolras clipped the
other on and Enjolras slowly pumped his cock as he adjusted to the pain.
"I know it hurts. I don't want you to fear pain, sweetheart, I want you to like
it." Enjolras gave the chain on his nipple clams slight tugs as he stroked
Grantaire's cock, watching him moan at the mix of pleasure and pain.
Grantaire didn't feel afraid until he felt another pair of hands on him and
Enjolras stopped touching him. "He's just seeing if he likes you, darling,
don't be scared."
Grantaire tried to struggle as he felt yet another pair of hands on him and
soon it felt like a large group of men were touching and stroking and
occasionally slapping him and laughing. He full on panicked when he felt
someone get onto the bed between his spread legs and thrust in, ripping him
open and lubricating themselves with his blood as he screamed and Enjolras's
hands were on his hips and he knew it was him thrusting in and out mercilessly
and he flailed as he tried to escape-
"Grantaire!"
"STOP!" screamed Grantaire as he lashed out and bolted upright in bed. He
panted hard and curled up in a ball to sob as Enjolras turned a lamp on and
draped an arm around him.
"R? What happened? Do you need to talk to me?"
Grantaire let Enjolras comfort him as he sobbed brokenly, repeating over and
over Enjolras loves me Enjolras loves me Enjolras wouldn't hurt me Enjolras
loves me-
"I don't want to push, but was it something with my parents? Because I'm so
sorry I thought it would be too much-"
"You raped me."
Enjolras froze and retracted his arm. "Oh God, I- that's understandable to
worry about after what I did. I'm sorry." He got off the bed and Grantaire
looked up with a frown.
"Where are you going?"
"You shouldn't have to sleep beside me after that, I'll go sleep somewhere
else."
Grantaire shook his head and sounded so hurt that Enjolras stopped. "Please
hold me."
Enjolras hesitantly crawled back onto the bed and Grantaire laid down so
Enjolras could cuddle up to him and comfort him as he cried. "I've got you. I
don't know what to say, and I know it must be so hard for you to trust me, but
I love you. I love you so much, Grantaire. You mean a lot to me, and I don't
ever want to see you hurt."
Grantaire's breathing evened out and Enjolras relaxed. "Are you feeling better?
Do you need to talk to me?"
"Can I tell you what happened?"
Enjolras felt a knot form in his stomach. "Of course."
Grantaire was unused to being able to talk about his feelings and he took a
moment before speaking. "I heard you telling me how you loved me and I opened
my eyes and we were in my first master's bedroom. My wrists and ankles were
bound to the bed and you gagged me and touched me and made me feel amazing and
praised me and told me how good I was and then you blindfolded me and hurt me
and other men touched me and- and that's when you raped me. It hurt a lot, even
just in a dream."
Enjolras held Grantaire closer and stroked his hair, his throat dry. "I'm so
sorry. God, that's awful. And now, hearing me say that I love you must be
horrible, oh R-"
"I want you to love me and be affectionate. Please, it's okay, it's just my
subconscious going off the deep end." Grantaire closed his eyes and smiled as
he fell asleep again. "I love you so much, angel. You're my whole world. I love
you."
"I love you too."
Enjolras watched Grantaire sleep in his arms and he wondered what was going on
in Grantaire's mind, whether he trusted Enjolras because he had no choice or if
he truly loved him. He worried about Grantaire's mental state and, maybe it was
ableist, but his mental age. Grantaire had grown up in what Enjolras assumed
wasn't a nourishing environment, and then at ten had been sold into physical,
mental, and sexual abuse along with systematic dehumanization.
He gently played with Grantaire's hair and kissed his forehead. Everything from
social interaction to even having a name and wearing clothes was new to
Grantaire, and Enjolras knew he needed to encourage his health and keep helping
him learn and grow into being a functioning person.
-break-
Grantaire yawned and stretched, feeling well rested. Grantaire felt like
wearing the dress and going by she and she smiled as Enjolras stirred awake.
"I want to be a girl today, is that alright?"
"Of course." Enjolras smiled back at Grantaire and hugged her. "Good morning."
"Good morning."
"I've been thinking about how to make life a little better for you, and I want
you to meet a friend of mine. His name is Joly. He's one of the kindest,
sweetest people I know and he used to be a slave too. Having a friend would be
good for you."
Grantaire frowned. "Is- is this about last night? I don't want you to shove me
away, please don't go away because I got scared-"
"No, no it's not that." Enjolras stroked Grantaire's face and said, "I just
want you to be able to have a social circle of people you like and can talk to.
I'll be just as close to you, I promise."
Grantaire smiled brightly. "Okay. I'm gonna go get dressed."
She put her dress on and tied her hair back into a ponytail and stared at
herself in the bathroom mirror. The time spent being well fee and cared for
really made a difference. Grantaire was still skinny but not frighteningly so,
had a glint of shine and health in her hair and eyes, and she could see that
the gaunt look was gone and that her cheeks were fuller and her body was
starting to get a little bit of a figure.
With a jolt of startlement, Grantaire realized that she actually liked herself
and how she looked.
She came out of the bathroom and beamed at Enjolras. "Do I look nice today?"
Enjolras held both of Grantaire's hands and smiled. "You look lovely."
Grantaire hugged Enjolras with a bright smile and laughed happily. "I'm having
a really good day."
"Good." Enjolras let her go and said, "Joly will be here soon. Until then, ah,
Bennett! I thought you two should be properly introduced."
Bennett was tall, lanky, and managed a small smile for Grantaire. "As you'll
understand, Grantaire, I'm feeling the need for time to myself."
Grantaire nodded. "Of course."
"It's nice to meet you."
The doorbell rang and Grantaire followed Enjolras downstairs to greet a man
Grantaire vaguely recognized from her first night after Enjolras bought her.
"Hi." Joly smiled at them and Grantaire all of a sudden felt nerves through her
but tried to ignore them. Joly was confident, good-looking person with brunet
hair and perfectly white teeth. He held out his hand and Grantaire realized she
was supposed to shake it.
"Hi," she said quietly.
"I'll let you two visit and get to know each other," said Enjolras. "I'll be
outside tending to the garden."
Joly held out a small container with a lid that felt cold to the touch. "Here,
I want you to have this. I remember what it was like when I first got free, and
it'll be a treat."
Grantaire took it and opened the lid, gasping at what she saw. "Ice cream?"
"Actually, it's frozen yogurt, so it's yummy and healthy!" Joly handed
Grantaire a plastic spoon and said, "It's vanilla yogurt with chocolate fudge,
M&M's, cheesecake, caramel, and brownies. Try some, it's really good!"
She took a bite and hummed at how good it was. "Thank you!"
"You're welcome! It's 98% fat free and has active cultures in it, so it's
great! My girlfriend works at the local Toby Yogurt, so I'm in there all the
time."
Grantaire kept eating and was amazed at how good it tasted. She felt more
relaxed and asked, "So you were a a slave too?"
"Yeah. Enjolras got me out when I was fifteen, and I was lucky in that I wasn't
used sexually very much because my masters obeyed the law, but the time there
left it's mark." Joly reached up and went to poke himself in the eye and
Grantaire winced as his nail scraped against his eye.
"Huh?"
"It's glass."
"Oh. I'm sorry."
Joly shook his head. "I'm sorry for what happened to you too. I don't really
want to have a 'whose life is worse' contest, but I'm okay with talking about
it. I know a lot of what you're going through, and I want to help you. I
remember being scared and lost and hurt with no help. It's why I'm studying to
be a doctor, so I can help others."
Grantaire gave him a shy smile. "Enjolras was right, you are really nice."
Joly laughed. "Aw, gosh! Did he tell you I was the first person he rescued?"
"Really?" Grantaire stared and wondered if she would ever look and be as happy
and healthy as Joly was.
"Yeah, he convinced his parents to buy me as a present for Combeferre, who I've
heard you've met. Enjolras was only sixteen and still at home but Combeferre
had his own place, so he could start helping me right away. I owe my life to
Enjolras and Combeferre, and I know how scary things can seem. Even years
later, I still have some problems, which is why I'm lucky to have such a great
boyfriend."
Grantaire was confused. "Is your date friend genderfluid like me too?"
"No, I have a boyfriend and a girlfriend." Joly winked and said, "Lemme tell
you, the sex is fantastic."
Grantaire finished her yogurt and smiled. "That's really neat."
"Yeah it is. We have our hard times of course, but so does everyone in
relationships. But hey, you said you're genderfluid?"
"Yeah. I'm a girl right now. Is that okay?"
"It's great! You're lovely." Joly opened his arms and asked, "Can I hug you?"
Grantaire hugged him and smiled as he held her. "I'm really glad you're my
friend."
"Me too. If you ever need someone to talk to or you just want to hang out, feel
free to call me, okay?"
They loitered in the living room and discussed their favorite Harry Potter
characters and Grantaire could forget about the collar around her neck and the
horrors she's been through for a precious hour with a friend.
Grantaire frowned as she felt a bit of wetness on the inside of her bra. Joly
noticed her look and asked, "You okay?"
"Yes, it's just, um." Grantaire's face burned with shame. "I'm lactating."
"That's okay. I'm a med student, remember? You can pump in front of me, if you
like."
Grantaire sheepishly got her breast pump and let Joly do most of the talking as
she pumped her milk. Joly really didn't seem bothered and she relaxed,
"Thanks for not being grossed out. Or you know, disgusted that I have breasts."
Grantaire looked down at herself with a frown and wondered just how mismatched
she looked naked. Enjolras didn't seem to mind, but aside from him the best
reaction Grantaire had ever gotten was slave owners groping and slapping her
and pinching her nipples as they fucked her and hurt her, laughing as they did
so and that was all Grantaire's life was and would ever be and-
"R?"
Grantaire realized she must've spaced out and Joly was sitting beside her with
an arm around her shoulders. "It's okay, Grantaire, I'm right here. I'm really
proud of you for being so brave and trying so hard and you're going to be okay.
Your body is nice and I can see you're taking good care of yourself and I care
about you so much. Are you with me yet?"
"Yeah. Sorry." Grantaire hugged Joly and smiled. "Thank you." Gratitude for
having a friend who would go out of his way just to be with her welled up
inside her and she squeezed Joly close to her. "Do- do you think we could go to
the Toby Yogurt place sometime so I could meet your girlfriend and maybe get a
yogurt."
"That'd be really fun! I'd love to. I could probably take you next weekend.
Enjolras could come too if he likes."
Grantaire let Joly go, settling down to draw and feeling happy and distant from
the trauma of the day before.
Enjolras had come back inside and was talking to Bennett in the library.
"I'm truly sorry that I can't free you. I don't see a way around my parents'
request."
"It's okay. My life will be much better here than it was. I'm okay." Bennett
was curled up under a few blankets with a book and a cup of hot chocolate,
which he sipped every once and awhile. "I think your father has softened
because of you, Enjolras. He's grown kinder, and is much more merciful and
lenient."
"I wouldn't have assumed that from how he acted yesterday, hateful bastard."
"He has, though. My latest years have been better than my earlier ones. I feel
you've done more good than you know."
Enjolras sighed. "I hope so. Thank you."
He left to see how Grantaire was doing and found her coloring a picture of a
flower. "Hey."
"Hi." Grantaire smiled brightly at Enjolras and said, "I really like Joly. And
frozen yogurt."
Enjolras sat beside her. "That's great, R. Um, I hate to spoil a good mood, but
are you okay? After yesterday?"
Grantaire thought about it. "My throat is a little sore but I'm okay. Are you
okay?"
"I- no, no I'm not." Enjolras rubbed his temples and frowned as he looked at
the table. "My father orally raped you and you're not even bothered. How am I
supposed to feel?"
"Enj, I know it upsets you, but it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't okay, and I did
it as part of acting a slave, but I know that's wrong and not what anyone
deserves and I know it's hard on you but I'm really fine. I'm more worried
about you."
Enjolras raised his eyebrows. "Why?"
Grantaire sighed and looked at the table, feeling shy and frightened. What if
it made Enjolras angry that she pointed it out, or so upset that he was
inconsolable? But she had to say it. "Maybe you don't want to talk about it,
but haven't you noticed how your father caresses you so slowly and hugs you for
so long and kisses you so close to your lips? His eyes and hands linger on you,
and I'm worried about you."
Enjolras shook his head. "He's been like that since I was little, it's nothing.
Even he has boundaries." He remembered the night he's been beaten and shivered,
realizing Grantaire might have a point, but he didn't want to discuss it. "I'm
going to get started in dinner, okay?"
Grantaire stood up and hugged Enjolras. "I love you. You don't have to feel
like you're here to help me and that's it. I love and care for you too. Please
let me be good for you."
Enjolras hugged Grantaire and stood there holding her for a long time. "I'll
try, R."
***** Chapter 11 *****
Chapter Summary
     Sorry for the delay! I've sort of been thrown off my groove and have
     been having a but of a rough time, but finally an update! It's rather
     short but ah well.
Enjolras and Joly took Grantaire out to have frozen yogurt, and it was probably
the highlight of the week. Grantaire didn't wear his collar, and Enjolras
stayed within a meter of him at all times so he didn't feel frightened.
Musichetta let Grantaire try all the ten different yogurts in the soft serve
machines and he loved them all. He decided on a cup of Oreo cookies and cream
yogurt and put a bit of just about all the toppings in the topping bar on it.
"Like it?" Enjolras held his hand as they are side by side at a little table
with Joly.
Grantaire smiled as he took a small bite. "It's delicious. Thank you."
"You're welcome." Sitting beside Joly, who was talking to Musichetta, and
Enjolras, Grantaire felt safe, and maybe, like he could get used to it, not
wearing a collar.
The thought of never having a collar again made panic shoot down Grantaire's
spine and he squeezed Enjolras's hand. Enjolras looked over at him and smiled
encouragingly and squeezed his hand back. "You okay?"
"Yeah." He finished his yogurt and they went home, saying goodbye to Joly and
Musichetta, who were being as affection as possible without making her boss
raise their eyebrows.
Enjolras had been thinking for days on Grantaire's comment about his father
being so affectionate to him. The caresses and long hugs and abundant kisses
didn't seem like anything bad, but he hadn't thought of the whole picture. What
if his father was incestuous? What if he was planning to hurt him? Enjolras
couldn't relax until he confronted him, which felt an awful lot like going up
to a dragon and asking if they planned on breathing fire at you.
Grantaire was doing better than before. He was still having trouble eating, and
he didn't do well when left alone. However, with Bennett at home, Enjolras
thought he might be able to leave him for a day.
Enjolras waited until they got home and were curled up together on the couch,
watching the rain and just being close. "Hey R?"
"Yes Enjolras?"
"I'm thinking of going to see my parents. It's been over a week since we saw
them, but I have to know how my father views me. I think you have a point,
considering how he touches me and treats me. I-" Enjolras didn't want to say it
but he had too. "I'm scared."
"Are you going to be okay?" Grantaire's head rested on Enjolras's shoulder and
he gave Enjolras a worried look.
"I think so. I can bring Combeferre with me so I'm not going back alone. I'll
just make it seem like I'm reporting on how well Bennett is settling and also
talking to my father. Will you be okay here with Bennett?"
Grantaire thought for a moment and shook his head, his fingers brushing against
the collar he put on right after they'd left the frozen yogurt store. "No. If
I'm honest, I know I won't feel safe without you or a free friend here."
"Okay. Thank you for telling me. I'm really proud of you." Enjolras smoothed
Grantaire's hair and Grantaire smiled sleepily. "I'll see if Courfeyrac or Joly
can stay with you. I don't plan to spend the night there but it'll be at least
a day trip."
Enjolras left a week from then early in the morning with Combeferre, leaving
Courfeyrac to house sit with Grantaire and Bennett.
He explained the situation to Combeferre and Combeferre absorbed it, thinking
hard. "What're you going to do if he is sexually attracted to you?"
"I don't know. But at least I'll know if I'm imagining this or not."
"What am I supposed to do? Hang out with your mom?"
"I know it's uncomfortable, but she likes you."
They ate fish and chips at a diner on the way and Combeferre asked, "If this
goes badly, do you want to get a cake or something on the way back? Maybe a new
movie? I'm sorry to say this is likely to be a downer and a huge strain on you,
and I want you to be prepared for needing some sort of comfort."
"That's a good idea. I was actually considering staying the night at a hotel
somewhere so I don't have to go home right away and be a mess in front of
Grantaire. I'll need some recovery time, especially since it's seeing them
again so soon."
Enjolras and Combeferre also stopped at a park to walk around and to try and
diffuse nerves.
Finally, Enjolras had to face the inevitable.
He rang the doorbell and politely greeted the servant who answered, chest
tightening when they didn't say anything back because of their training.
"Enjolras!" His mother gave him a quick hug and kiss and turned to Combeferre.
"Oh and Combeferre, how good to see you! What's the occasion?"
"Two things, mother. I wanted to inform you that Bennett is settling in nicely,
and I also need a word with my father. Alone. It's not something I could
discuss over a phone."
A look flashed across his mothers face but she nodded. "Very well, he's up in
his office. Combeferre, join me for a drink?"
Enjolras walked upstairs and his mind urged him to run away, to not enter a
room alone with his father, but he had to know. He stood in front of the open
door and swallowed hard. "Father?"
His father looked up at him. "Enjolras!" He stood and hugged Enjolras close,
and Enjolras could help noticing that his hug did seem long and that his lower
hand was rubbing his back, close to his buttocks. "This is a surprise." He
kissed Enjolras's cheek and Enjolras nodded, mutely. "Well, what is it?"
"Well, um." Enjolras felt a blush rise to his cheeks and he said, "I've been
doing some thinking lately, and I guess, well, I can't think of a light way to
put it. Are you attracted to me?"
Silence.
His father stared at him and sat down heavily in his chair. He sighed and
didn't say anything for almost a minute, making Enjolras fidget and worry as
time stretched. "Enjolras, you're my son. I love you very much. I love you and
you're extraordinarily beautiful, and those can overlap into other aspects of
myself."
"You admit it." Enjolras's stomach dropped and he started shaking. "You admit
you're sexually attracted to your own child, just like that."
His father gave him a piercing look. "Attraction is not something I can help. I
would not, and do not, touch you sexually without your consent. I would very
much enjoy bedding you, if you would be a willing and equally involved
participant."
"Without my- dear GOD, like my consenting to sex would make incest okay?!
That's sickening. Oh my God." Enjolras stepped away from his father and wanted
to run away but his next words were worse.
"That is more kindness than my father showed me."
Enjolras froze, rooted to the spot. "What?" Horror filled him as his father
spoke.
"Your grandfather, my father, sexually assaulted me at fourteen, and kept it up
whenever he liked until I moved out. I grew to like it, or at least not mind,
but I never wanted you to go through that. I took care to shield you from him
and never even let him see you, and I'm glad you couldn't pick him out of a
lineup. I wanted you to feel safe, and important, and consent to sex with who
you chose.
"Now, I know you must be remembering the incident when you were fifteen, and I
am truly sorry for what I did. I will say this: in my eyes, I was soft on you.
You never think about it, but I gave you a wealthy home and I did not starve
you or hit you regularly or make your bed mine a few times a week. You are
lucky."
Enjolras's mouth was dry. "I- I can't- this is too much. I'm sorry about what
happened to you, but I need to leave."
His father probably said something sad and sympathetic but Enjolras didn't hear
it as he fled the house and waited in the car for Combeferre, who took the
driver's seat since Enjolras was in the passenger's seat sobbing.
"Enjolras?"
"Floor it. For the love of all that is good and right, get me away from here."
Combeferre put Enjolras's seatbelt on and drove for about half an hour before
stopping at an inn. They had no luggage so they paid for a night and checked in
immediately, taking an elevator upstairs and then curling up together on a bed,
Enjolras resuming his crying as Combeferre held him.
Mortification and disgust and pity coursed through Enjolras. Abuse and incest
ran through his veins but he didn't want to feel even the tiniest bit of
sympathy for his father. He hated him. He wanted him dead, but his heart was
forming a soft spot for someone who had been abused and hurt and he groaned as
he tried to stop any mercy or kindness grow.
"Enjolras? I'm right here, and I'll be here as long as you need me. It's okay.
I've got you."
Enjolras buried his face in Combeferre's shirt and nodded, crying for a few
minutes more until he could talk.
"My father thinks he is kind, because my grandfather regularly raped him and
forced him into sex as a teenager until he enjoyed it, and to him admitting
that he would have sex with me if I consented and that he only ever beat me
once is kind. He thinks he's loving."
Combeferre soothingly rubbed Enjolras's back in a circle, relaxing his upper
back muscles. "Do you think he's lying?"
"I can find out." Enjolras closed his eyes and let Combeferre kiss the top of
his head and be affectionate, soaking in the platonic love and losing himself
in Combeferre's arms.
"You know, Enj, Snape had a pretty awful life, some of it self inflicted, but
it doesn't excuse the evils he did. Maybe he wasn't vile to Lily 100% of the
time, but even though he made efforts to be nice sometimes he did inexcusable
things that hurt her.
"You don't owe your father anything because he doesn't spend all his time
abusing you and he chose to take what he experienced and pass it on to you. A
parent who was beaten as a child has no right to then only verbally abuse and
threaten their child, just because they feel it's less than what they went
through and therefore okay."
Enjolras couldn't shake the deeper feeling of dread and guilt he felt. "But
what if to him, it's okay to rape someone who's been conditioned to not fight
back and he used them as an outlet because he can't sleep with me?"
"No. This isn't about you-"
"What if people are suffering because he wants me?"
"Even if he did have you, he would be as cruel as ever to those he views he
owns. Do not put any of this on yourself. I know you want to feel guilt and
sympathy because you're a nice person, but his life is one you can't save. Not
by sacrificing yourself."
Enjolras nodded and sighed. "You're right." He paused. "I'm hungry."
"What would you like? Teriyaki? Pizza? A burger? Name it and I'll find some for
us."
"A cake."
Combeferre laughed and gave Enjolras a quick hug before he stood up. "A cake it
is then. I'll bring some other food too. Relax, enjoy yourself, maybe get a
shower, okay?"
"Okay."
Enjolras turned the TV on and stared blankly at the weather channel before
undressing and taking a hot shower, feeling relieved and refreshed when he was
done. He got dressed again and got cozy beneath the blankets on the bed. He got
out his phone and texted Courfeyrac.
Enjolras: Hey, turns out we're spending the night at a hotel, just to let you
know. I'm not really in shape to make the long trip home tonight
Courfeyrac: Alright, thanks for letting me know :)
Enjolras: How's R?
Courfeyrac: He misses you, but I introduced him to nail polish and Pokemon so
he's doing fine
Enjolras took a selfie with a smile and his other hand up like he was waving
and sent it to Courfeyrac
Enjolras: Show R that and tell him I'm thinking of him and miss him too
Courfeyrac: Thanks
Courfeyrac: He wants to know how you're doing
Enjolras: The visit with my parents was hard on me, and I'll give the details
when I'm home, but I took a shower and Combeferre is getting food so I'm okay
Enjolras sighed and yawned, drifting off until Combeferre got back with a bag
full of Taco Bell and a chocolate cake, as well as Into the Woods, which he
knew Enjolras hadn't seen yet.
Also, a bag of baby carrots.
"You know me too well." Enjolras gratefully took a tray of nachos and his
carrots as Combeferre put the movie in and snuggled beside Enjolras with his
own food.
"When in crisis, go to Taco Bell."
Enjolras let his mind drift away from his father and the horrors of the world
and enjoyed a night of peace and friendship with his oldest friend.
***** Chapter 12 *****
Enjolras slept well in Combeferre's arms, stirring awake to Combeferre gently
stroking his hair. "Good morning." Combeferre held Enjolras close in a
protective hug as Enjolras blearily opened his eyes.
"Morning." Enjolras closed his eyes again and groaned. "I'm tired. Why'd you
wake me?"
"Food."
"Good point."
Enjolras yawned and whined as Combeferre got up and he reluctantly rolled out
of bed, following Combeferre downstairs to cereal, coffee, fruit, cinnamon
rolls, and muffins. He got a bowl of Froot Loops with coffee and a banana and
he tried to keep his thoughts light but the revulsion he'd been repressing
surfaced.
Not only revulsion, but guilt. Guilt for hating someone that had been abused
like those Enjolras worked so hard to help. If his father really had been
assaulted on a regular basis growing up, why would he pass any part of that
onto other people? Could someone really spend years of being raped and
presumably beaten only to grow up and do the same thing, with the excuse that
their victims were a lower class of human?
Was this horror genetic? Did it mean Enjolras really couldn't love Grantaire?
That any love or affection he felt was a warped perversion of love normal,
untainted people felt? How far back did the history of incest go?
"I know that look, Enj. Are you okay?"
"Not really. I don't feel good."
"That's okay. Do you wanna talk about it upstairs when we're done?"
"Yeah."
Enjolras sat on the bed heavily once they were in their room and he hugged a
pillow to his chest. "The pattern of abuse and incest runs in my family. I
worry-"
"Stop. Please, Enjolras. You're in shock and you must be feeling terrible, but
you are not responsible for your family's actions, nor are they for yours. You
have choices. So does your father, and your grandfather, and everyone else. You
chose to not be wicked, while they are. Even if we pretend this is caused by a
hereditary root, say you had a child one day, and did find yourself attracted
to them, you would make the choice to never act on it or make them
uncomfortable or hurt them. None of this affects your worth or goodness as a
person. What you do is the only thing that matters."
Enjolras leaned against Combeferre and reached out to hold his hand. "There's a
chance my father lied, to make it seem like he was excusing himself by making a
sympathetic story about what was done to him as a child."
"Yes."
"I can only find out by talking to my grandfather, which is best done here and
not where Grantaire or Bennett could overhear it and be upset or severely
triggered."
Combeferre grimaced but nodded. "Yes, I agree. How well do you know your
grandfather?"
"Couldn't pick him out of a lineup. I think I might've seen him two or three
times when I was little, perhaps not even school age, but my father kept me
very sheltered from him. I can look up his number and call him, though."
Enjolras found his grandfather's house number online and he wrote it down,
staring at it with dread.
"I'm right here, Enjolras. No matter how awful he is, I'm here for you. You can
do it."
He nodded and looked at the hotel phone, deciding he didn't want to use his
cell since his grandfather having his number was worrying. "Can we get Jamba
Juice after this? We still have that cake to take home. I'm gonna need Jamba
Juice."
"There's one a few blocks away."
"Okay."
Enjolras picked up the hotel phone and dialed the number, holding Combeferre's
hand as it rung.
"Hello?" Enjolras could tell it was an older man on the line and he swallowed
hard.
"This is Enjolras. Your grandson."
"Oh! How wonderful to hear from you!" The cheeriness unnerved Enjolras to his
core and he squeezed Combeferre's hand. "What's the occasion?"
"I have something unpleasant to deal with."
"Ah yes, doesn't your entire generation? Rabble rousers, bent on destroying
social order. You're lucky to be born where you were or you might be on the
street with the rest of the lot. Well, what do you want of me?"
Enjolras bit his lip and asked, "Did you sexually abuse my father?"
"He told you about our sex life, didn't he?!" he said, sounding all too casual.
"It's true, then."
"Children are legally their parent's property, young man. Until they come of
age, of course. It's so the good ones can be protected, and the unworthy weeded
out into the markets. I only took what was mine until he gave it to me
willingly. He needed some lessons in obedience, and he was oh so pretty. I bet
you are too."
"You're a fucking monster-"
"I am your GRANDFATHER-"
"Why you would think you could rape my father and probably beat him and act
like I'm supposed to love or respect you? After what he's already done because
of you? Go burn in hell!"
Enjolras slammed the phone down and burst into tears, repulsion coursing
through him. He stood up and ran to the bathroom, fearing he would vomit up his
breakfast as Combeferre talked to him in a soothing tone, but he couldn't hear
his words.
He sobbed and coughed as Combeferre held him, comforting him as the horrible
truth sunk in.
They drove home and Enjolras's mood lifted immediately as they walked in the
door.
"Enjolras!"
Grantaire smiled brightly and hugged Enjolras, snuggling against him and
holding Enjolras tightly. "I missed you." He briefly got a spike of worry that
he was being too clingy, but even though Grantaire liked Courfeyrac, he needed
Enjolras.
Enjolras enveloped Grantaire in his arms and sighed, realizing that he felt
much calmer now that he was home and with Grantaire. "I missed you too. I had a
rough day, but I'm so happy to be home. We brought home something special!"
"You did?"
Combeferre set the chocolate cake on the table and everyone gathered around.
"There's nothing wrong with a bit of a treat after a bad day, and if I'm not
mistaken, Grantaire and Bennett have never even had cake." They both nodded and
Combeferre got out a butter knife and cut everyone a slice of cake, handing the
first one to Grantaire with a fork. "Try it."
Grantaire took a bite with lots of frosting and filling and his eyes went wide,
and he stared at his plate. He chewed slowly and gave Enjolras such a look that
Enjolras grinned as Grantaire looked like he was having an out of body trip to
heaven. "Oh my God." He took another bite and Bennett tried his cake too, both
of them exchanging looks of shock and delight.
"This is the best thing I've ever had in my entire life," said Grantaire
through a mouthful of cake. Enjolras sat beside him with his own slice and he
laughed, tension draining out of him as Grantaire enjoyed his cake.
"It's my favorite too."
Courfeyrac put the remaining cake away after everyone got a piece and sat
across from Enjolras and Grantaire. "I showed Grantaire how to paint his nails
yesterday and they turned out really nice."
Enjolras gently held Grantaire's hand as he looked at the glittering sea green
polish on his fingernails. "That's really pretty. It's a great color for you."
Grantaire blushed bright pink and smiled shyly at his plate. "Thank you. I feel
really happy right now." Talking aloud about his feelings was still hard but
Grantaire wanted to make sure Enjolras knew he meant so much to him.
"Good. I'm happy too. It was hard to be away from home." Enjolras knew he had
to tell Grantaire and Bennett what happened but couldn't spoil such a rare,
happy mood. He kept holding Grantaire's hand and Enjolras couldn't help feeling
cheerful. A few months ago, Grantaire had never looked so excited and carefree.
Enjolras watched Grantaire smile and talk to everyone as he ate his cake in
tiny bites and his heart ached. His father had gone through a fraction of what
Grantaire had at the hands of his grandfather, and he turned around and treated
people even worse. Grantaire had been abused and treated as property the
majority of his life but he didn't even seem to have a concept of being able to
hate others. He had the softest heart of anyone Enjolras knew and either acted
out of fear or love, but never hate.
"Enjolras?" Grantaire was giving him a concerned look and Enjolras sighed,
finishing his cake and taking both of Grantaire's hands in his.
"I've found out some really sad and terrible things, and I'll tell you and
Bennett later, okay? Maybe we can watch a movie and snuggle?"
Even after watching Prisoner of Azkaban, Enjolras didn't want to tell them what
happened but figured he had to. Combeferre and Courfeyrac had already left,
since Courfeyrac was running out of places to kiss Combeferre that didn't
involve tearing his clothes off, and Enjolras was alone with Bennett and
Grantaire.
"I found out that my father is indeed attracted to me, and that my grandfather
sexually abused my father and conditioned him to enjoy it, and it's a lot to
process for me."
Grantaire, who was curled up beside Enjolras, hugged him close and said softly,
"That must be really hard to hear. I'm sorry."
"It is, and it's okay to admit that things are hard and take time to deal with,
and maybe this is something I'll never 'get over', but you two deserve to know.
It's a shock, and the fact that my father behaves the way he does even though
he knows what it's like to be mistreated saddens me."
Bennett, who usually just stayed quiet and kept to himself, sat beside Enjolras
and gently pressed his body against Enjolras's. "You must be worried it runs in
your family, but you are very different from them. As far as I'm concerned,
though it may overstep my bounds, you're my family. I knew you when you were
still in your mother's tummy, you know."
Grantaire stared at Bennett and asked, "How old are you?" He paled, realizing
that was probably offensive and opened his mouth to apologize but Bennett waved
his hand.
"I'm forty four. I lived with Enjolras's family since I was a teenager. It's
been horrid most of the time, but getting to raise Enjolras and watch him grow
was the best part of my life." Enjolras was smiling bashfully and blushing and
Bennett grinned. "You were an adorable baby. So cute. And tiny. And you bit
free people who annoyed you until you were about ten years old."
Enjolras buried his face in his hands and squeaked with embarrassed laughter as
Grantaire and Bennett hugged him and joined in. "Oh Bennett. You have no bounds
to overstep, okay? You're my family." He draped an arm over Grantaire and
smiled at him. "And you're my family too. I know our relationship is complex,
but I love you deeply."
"I love you too." Grantaire beamed and said, "Oh! Courfeyrac gave this to me.
He said it wasn't terribly expensive, and that it's really okay if I have it."
He pulled out a Gameboy Advance with a Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team
cartridge in it. "Some of the words in this are hard to read, but I'm getting
there, and it's really fun! I didn't know games like this existed."
"That's great! Courfeyrac has been a Pokemon fan forever. I'm happy you two get
along so well."
"He's really nice."
Enjolras yawned and said, "I need to go to bed. You can come up whenever you
like, okay? I don't mind if you wake me."
"Okay." Grantaire smiled at Enjolras and sat by a lamp as he switched on
Courfeyrac's old Gameboy.
Bennett turned on the TV and he sighed. "It feels odd to me that after all
these years, it's the small things like being able to chose a TV station that
makes me realize I'm my own person."
"Yeah. Sometimes having choices like what I want to eat or when I want to get
up still surprise me. I've been here for a few months and I still struggle."
Bennett settled with the weather station and turned to Grantaire. "You have a
lot to work through, and even just in what I've seen you're so strong and
brave. I've been rather asocial, but you can talk to me about anything. I can
be something of a parent to you."
Grantaire looked at Bennett with wide eyes. "You wouldn't mind being close to
me?"
"Of course not. I'd love to help you. We can help each other."
Grantaire smiled and looked down, feeling an ache in his chest. "My own father
sold me when I was ten because I struggled in school. Enjolras thinks I have
dyslexia. I've never really had a father."
Bennett draped an arm around Grantaire's shoulders. "I'll be father, friend,
protector, guide, and whatever else you need. I know you love Enjolras very
much, but it's okay if you ever want someone else to talk to. It isn't a
betrayal to have more than one friend."
Enjolras was still awake when Grantaire came upstairs to snuggle up to him in
bed. Grantaire spooned him from behind and nestled close but Enjolras was far
from peaceful.
His father wanted him, but he abused and had sex with others instead of him.
Enjolras listened to Grantaire breathe and thought of all the people his father
had ever tortured or forced into sex. People in his place. It felt so wrong.
It should be him.
***** Chapter 13 *****
Chapter Summary
     Hey all, thank you so much for reading and for your lovely feedback.
     The tag/trigger list has been updated, please be cautious!
Enjolras woke to Grantaire sobbing quietly beside him, muttering, "Stop! No, no
please no-"
"R?" Enjolras turned the light on and Grantaire jolted awake, breathing
heavily. "Grantaire? Are you okay?" Grantaire whimpered and clung to Enjolras,
shaking and crying and Enjolras soothed and comforted him until he fell back
asleep.
Enjolras's resolve strengthened as he watched Grantaire sleep. He had a
powerful position to get more people out of the horrors Grantaire was haunted
by. Just one night, one little sacrifice. He could save lives.
He shuddered when he was reminded of another term for an orgasm. The little
death.
But it couldn't be that bad. If his father was gentle.
Enjolras grimaced at the thought. He imagined his father caressing him, cooing
in his ear as he stroked his skin. Stomach acid rose in his throat and he tried
to not gag. Grantaire had been forced into sex so many times, and beaten and
starved. Enjolras had been whipped once and he didn't have a right to turn down
an opportunity to save lives.
He stared at the wall and wanted to cry. How much was his virginity worth? Five
people? Six? How enthusiastic would he have to be? Would he have to actively
participate? Kiss the man who had abused him and sired him for heaven's sake?
The more he dwelt on it, the less appealing it was. But he had to do it. He had
to.
Grantaire surprised Enjolras in the morning when the first words he said were,
"I want to stop lactating."
"Hm?"
"I, um. I don't think I need to lactate anymore. It's hard to keep up with, and
I don't think of it as a comfort thing anymore." Grantaire sounded unsure and
awkward but Enjolras hugged him.
"I understand, and I fully support whatever choices you make with your body."
Grantaire smiled bashfully into Enjolras's shirt. "Thank you." He looked at
Enjolras and then back down. "Um. I was wondering about something else."
Enjolras ran his fingers gently through Grantaire's hair, intrigued. "What is
it?"
"I don't know if it's okay to ask."
Sensing that Grantaire was feeling fragile, Enjolras gently cupped his cheek
and raised his head so they were looking eye to eye. "You're okay. We are equal
to each other, and you are permitted to ask me anything you like."
"I want a cat."
Enjolras gently squeezed Grantaire against him and felt his mood lift. "That's
a great idea! I'll have to see if Bennett is okay with it too, but that would
be good for you. For us, really."
"It's okay?"
Grantaire looked like a child on Christmas when Enjolras nodded. "If we can
find a sweet tempered cat, which I'm sure we will, I would love adopting it.
They're good therapy animals too, and-" Grantaire squeaked and burrowed his
face in Enjolras's shirt with delight, blushing when Enjolras laughed.
Bennett thought a cat would be a wonderful addition to the household, and
Grantaire was more excited than Enjolras had ever seen him as they researched
pet adoption and everything they would need.
Preparing for adopting a cat took Enjolras's mind off of his father, but he
knew he needed to get it over with. He figured imagining having sex with his
father was probably worse than it really would be.
So he told himself.
Enjolras decided to wait until after they got their cat. He took Grantaire to
an animal shelter and he looked longingly at all the cats. "We're just getting
one," teased Enjolras.
"They're all so beautiful." Grantaire looked at a calico cat with part of an
ear missing and a long scar down her side. He felt she was like him, that
someone or something had hurt her and he wanted her. "I want that one."
"The calico?"
Grantaire nodded and beamed as Enjolras started on paperwork. They took their
new family member home and Grantaire couldn't stop smiling. "I always wanted a
kitty. She's so pretty, isn't she?" He held the cat in his arms as she purred
loudly and he gently pet her head.
Enjolras smiled back. "She's perfect. She's three years old and has a nice long
life ahead with us. Do you know what you want to name her? Something cheerful?"
"Cake!" blurted out Grantaire.
"Awwwwwwwww!" Bennett scratched behind Cake's ears and smiled. "That's
adorable."
"Cake it is." Enjolras stood close to Grantaire and pet Cake too. She nuzzled
Grantaire's hand and purred even more as everyone pet her. "I want you to know
that even though we all love her, Cake is your cat, R. You can have things, and
I'll help when you need me to but she's your pet and your responsibility,
okay?"
"Okay." Grantaire set Cake down so she could explore the house and Enjolras
shifted uncomfortably on his feet.
"I have to go back to my parents' house. I think I know a way to get some
slaves out of their hands. I can bargain with them. They recently bought more
people, so I can try to convince them to give me some. I have to try."
Grantaire nodded and hugged Enjolras, something he was getting more comfortable
with initiating. "Will you be okay?"
"Yes. Combeferre can come over tomorrow to keep you two company. It won't be a
very long visit, and I'll come home at night."
Bennett didn't look convinced and Enjolras started to panic, wondering if he
would out his plan to Grantaire. Instead, he said, "Let me help you pack."
Once they were upstairs Bennett closed Enjolras's bedroom door and gave him a
sad look. "You're going to offer yourself to him, aren't you?"
"Bennett, if it'll free people-"
"Enjolras-"
"It's just one-"
"No!" Bennett shook his head and Enjolras was alarmed to see his eyes wet.
"There is no such thing as "just once" when referring to rape." He frowned and
stood closer to Enjolras. "This is about when you were a teenager, isn't it?
You think it should've been you laid out for your father. That this will deter
him from hurting people."
Enjolras looked troubled as he got his got his backpack and packed in clothes,
water bottles, and non perishable food. "I have to do what I can."
"There are other ways, if you do this you'll be damaged far more than you
think! Grantaire needs you. I know why you don't tell him, because you know how
much it'll hurt him seeing you broken after this and you can't bear the thought
of tainting his happiness, but when you get home-"
"I know."
"You don't deserve to put yourself through this. You cannot punish yourself for
what your father has done. I know your history of harm and-"
"Stop." Enjolras set the backpack aside and looked down. "This is hard, and
horrifying, and I'm scared. I'm scared of consenting to that monster taking me
in bed. But I can't waste my best bargaining chip, even if it happens to be
myself."
Enjolras hugged Bennett close to himself and sniffled, realizing exactly how
scared he was for the next day. "Promise me you'll comfort me when I come home.
And that you won't tell Grantaire. I'll tell him myself."
"I promise. I don't want you to do this, but I promise."
-break-
The drive to his parent's house had never felt shorter.
Enjolras shakily got out of his car and tried to calm his racing heart. He
desperately wanted to run but he couldn't. He nervously walked up to his
father's office once a slave let him in and he knocked on the door softly, heat
rising to his face.
His father opened the door and smiled. "Enjolras! How good to see you so soon."
"H-hi." Enjolras shifted on his feet and his father's face fell.
"What I told you last visit upset you, didn't it?"
"I- yes. I didn't like hearing how you were treated. But, um, well- I'm not
that attracted to you, I prefer my lovers to be younger-"
"Enjolras, it's okay. You don't want me. I never really expected you to."
Enjolras wished he could hug his father, tell him thanks for understanding, and
leave. But he felt rooted to the floor. He looked up at his father and
cautiously hugged him. "I wanted to ask something."
"Anything." Enjolras was hyper aware of his father's hands on his back and how
close they were and how his father's nose was in his hair, like he wanted to
nuzzle Enjolras but was holding back.
"I'm a virgin. An anal virgin, to be exact." Enjolras bit his tongue as he
heard his father let out a soft sigh. "I'd like you to be the one to take me to
bed, since that privilege shouldn't be for just a slave. I will admit, I'm a
little nervous, and I know this is a huge favor to ask, but I would like to be
taken to bed and given some new toys to play with once I'm taught how."
His wording made him fill with self revulsion, but he couldn't see how his
father would resist. His father hummed low in his throat and kissed Enjolras's
neck. "You're asking for a lot. In fact, it seems like you're offering yourself
to me more for my pleasure than yours."
"I'm nervous about pain," admitted Enjolras honestly. "But I've heard it can
feel wonderful, and I want it. I was shocked when you told me about your
feelings, and I will say that I'm not as attracted to you as you likely are to
me, but it's more than physical attraction that matters. Stimulus can result in
pleasure, as well as emotional bonding." Enjolras could tell he was so close,
so close to convincing his father. "I'm offering my virginity in exchange for
experience and a few slaves to play with. It'll benefit both of us."
His father kissed his cheek and Enjolras blushed bright red when he felt his
father's hard on press into his hip. "How many do you want?"
Enjolras knew it was the moment.
He angled his head and mentally kept down his dread and panic as he wrapped his
arms around he father's neck and kissed his lips, gasping when he tightened his
hold on Enjolras and kissed back. "Four," gasped Enjolras.
His chest ached as he realized that was his first kiss, too.
"Three." His father kissed him again and Enjolras tried to only focus on those
three people he would save. "Three, and your submission in bed. You can stop
any time you want, but I'll be the one guiding."
Enjolras wanted to stop right then and there, when he felt his father gently
squeeze his butt. He wanted to take that right to say no and put it into effect
and go eat Taco Bell and cry.
"Okay," he said softly, kissing his father again and wondering how his father
didn't notice his entire body was tense. It felt so wrong and disgusting that
Enjolras had to close his eyes to keep from looking his father in the eye. His
father gently guided him back into his office room onto the bed and Enjolras
whimpered when he realized the full implications of having a bed in his office,
so he could fuck slaves in comfort without having to bother leaving the room.
Enjolras opened his eyes again when he was flat on his back with his father on
top of him, kissing and rubbing Enjolras's abdomen beneath his shirt and
pushing the fabric of his shirt up. Enjolras lifted his upper body off the bed
so his father could throw his shirt to the floor.
"God, you're beautiful."
Enjolras looked at his father and made a noise of discomfort that his father
obviously interpreted as pleasure as he rolled them onto their sides and held
Enjolras close, cupping his cheek with one hand and the other resting on his
back. His father was in his early fifties with graying hair and even though
Enjolras was a full fledged adult, he was more petit than his father in build
and height.
His father was kissing him again, gently and lovingly, pressing his tongue into
Enjolras's mouth and reaching his other hand down to squeeze Enjolras's
buttocks in his jeans. "Enjolras," he moaned into Enjolras's mouth. He raised a
knee and pressed his thigh between Enjolras's legs, drawing a genuine gasp of
pleasure out of Enjolras. "You love this too, hm?"
Enjolras was hard.
Mortification and shame flooded Enjolras to his core. He was enjoying this. He
was just like his father, corrupted to his genetics.
"Yes," breathed Enjolras, closing his eyes so he wouldn't be tempted to cry. He
shivered and mewed as his father kissed him and stroked his chest, thumbing his
nipples and petting his sides, so close to the intimacy and affection Enjolras
wanted from a lover but all turned sour.
After what seemed to be an eternity of kissing, his father pulled his pants and
underwear off too, leaving Enjolras naked and feeling exposed. "Precious,"
murmured his father in his ear, kissing his cheek and quickly taking off his
own clothes. Enjolras had seen his father's prick before, seeing as privacy
wasn't a concern when it came to raping slaves, but Enjolras had never had to
think about it's considerable width going inside him.
"Are you sure it won't hurt?"
Enjolras was actually grateful when his father kissed him, since any foreplay
was procrastinating him being penetrated. "I won't hurt you. I promise. I'll
prepare you well and be gentle." He wrapped Enjolras in his arms and they
cuddled together, naked bodies intertwined as they kissed, Enjolras simply
hugging his father while his father seemed keen on touching every part of him.
"Ahh," moaned Enjolras, feeling appalled as his body reacted without his
permission and be bucked his hips up into his father's hand as he stroked their
cocks in his fist.
"Perfect. Oh Enjolras, you're so perfect." His father kissed him soundly and
looked Enjolras in the eye. "I love you so much."
It hit Enjolras just then that this really was an emotional bond to his father,
and that in his eyes, this was the most loving thing he could think of to do to
Enjolras. This was the most tender, sweetest, expression of love his father
knew how to give him and Enjolras wanted to throw up.
"I love you too."
His father gently positioned Enjolras onto his hands and knees and Enjolras
closed his eyes as he felt a lubricated finger massage his rim and then push
inside, getting a soft cry out of him. Enjolras was surprised at how sensitive
the inside of his intestine was and he could see how it might be enjoyable
under any other circumstances.
"AH!" Enjolras jolted when his father worked a second finger inside of him and
started scissoring.
"Shhhhh, you're doing so well. So beautiful."
Enjolras's thighs quivered as his father slowly fingered him open and stroked
his prostate with each pass. It would be over soon. It would be over soon.
It would be over soon.
The head of his father's cock pressed against him as his father said soothing,
loving words.
It would all be over soon.
Despite the stretching, his muscles clenched and burned slightly, accommodating
for his father, every inch he pushed in a spike of panic inside Enjolras.
Enjolras whimpered as he felt his father start moving, biting his lip and
feeling a wave of nausea as he let himself be held beneath his father and
fucked into the bed as he picked up speed.
After a few minutes his father positioned Enjolras on his back and took him in
missionary position, testing Enjolras's acting to the limit as Enjolras
desperately kissed his father to keep from showing his fear.
"I can't last long, precious. You're too perfect. God, oh God Enjolras!"
Enjolras came hard on their stomachs and cried out.
He came.
Because of his father.
Enjolras moaned and felt his stomach flip as he father groaned and buried
himself deep inside Enjolras, his heated semen spilling deep inside of his son.
He deserved this.
He deserved to take this in place of those who didn't have a choice.
If it wasn't for the people he had to save, Enjolras would've been sobbing and
pushing his father away, but he endured a couple minute of kissing until his
father let him go. He awkwardly pulled his pants on and felt disgusted, like he
was contaminated by the semen in his body and he could still feel his fathers
cock inside him.
"You'll have to sign for the ownership of these slaves. I understand you want
to get home to get them broken in." His father pulled papers out of a filing
cabinet as Enjolras slowly got dressed. He ached deep inside his body and
didn't know how he wasn't crying as he signed for the people he bought with
incest.
"I love you, sweetheart." Enjolras's father kissed his lips and Enjolras numbly
nodded.
"I love you too.
Enjolras was in a daze as he got the slaves in a car, two men and one woman,
and he remembered trying to explain that he didn't want to own them, and that
he had food and clothes for them, and that everything would be okay. No one
would ever hit them again. They would be safe with him. He had friends back
home who would help them.
He got out of the car and led them inside, vaguely aware that they had all
gotten clothes on. Grantaire, Combeferre, and Bennett seemed upset, and he
could only get a sentence out.
"I offered myself to my father."
Enjolras locked himself in the bathroom, ignoring how pained Bennett and
Combeferre were and the tears that immediately started streaming down
Grantaire's face. He stripped himself of his clothes and finally let his tears
out, sobbing as he stepped into the shower, needing to scrub his crawling skin
raw.
He turned the water on and rested his head against the shower wall.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he howled, giving in completely and crying harder
than he could remember. His stomach clenched and he doubled over, vomitting and
spitting acid out of his mouth as he cried, shaking and wanting nothing more
than to not exist.
***** Chapter 14 *****
Chapter Summary
     I've been going through some things so I'm sorry about another delay
     but here's an update!
     It's also my birthday so feel free to leave lots of love <3
Tears rolled down Enjolras's face, mixing with the hot shower water as he cried
his heart out.
Shock. Disgust. Numbness. Pain.
He could feel his father's cum inside him and his cock and how it felt to be
beneath him and Enjolras started to hyperventilate as the flashback overtook
him and he cried harder.
Enjolras could remember coming himself, and that was the worst. He enjoyed it.
He was no different than his father. He had gotten hard by himself without his
father's hand on him.
The shower water rained down on him and he didn't even turn it off to scrub his
hair or his body. Eventually the hot water turned cold but Enjolras didn't get
out for a long time, weeping and shaking and wanting to not exist.
When he finally made it out and dried himself off with his towels, he was
surprised to see that he had been in the bathroom for four hours. He got
dressed and walked into the living room in a daze, his heart managing to
plummet even more when he saw Grantaire sobbing in Bennett's arms on the couch.
"R?"
Grantaire stood up and looked at Enjolras with a grief stricken face.
"Enjolras? Are you okay? I'm so scared you looked so sick and you're hurt and I
don't know what to do I want to hug you but I don't want to upset you."
Enjolras hugged Grantaire and, to his amazement, broke down again even though
it seemed impossible to have so many tears. He soaked in the affection and he
found himself cuddled up with Grantaire with a blanket over him and Bennett
beside them.
"I came." Enjolras cried harder and buried his face into Grantaire's shirt. "I
came with him inside me. I enjoyed it. I'm incestuous, I'm scum, I'm
disgusting-"
"Enjolras." Grantaire rubbed Enjolras's back and felt sick and tired and ached
in his chest. "Enjolras, it's okay. I've come during sex too."
Bennett shook his head. He gently guided Enjolras's head up so he could look at
him. "Not sex. Rape. This was rape. You didn't want it, you were uncomfortable,
and you're displaying symptoms of post rape trauma. The person who did this to
you beat you and emotionally abuses you and other people. You didn't deserve
this. This is not your fault. It was rape and you need to please listen to us."
Enjolras knew he couldn't argue and he leaned into Bennett's touch. He still
felt dirty, worthless, and hollowed out by how revolting and fresh his memories
were.
Grantaire held Enjolras's hand beneath the blanket and squeezed it. "Enjolras?
I- this is very hard for me to do, but I want you to know that you're
important. I remember- I remember what it was like being hurt and used and
thrown away, and it's horrible. But when it happened to me, I didn't have
anyone, but now you have me, and I have you.
"Without you, I would be either dead or tortured. Without you, so many people
wouldn't be here or would be even more scarred than they are. You're important.
You matter." Enjolras was crying harder and Grantaire held him as close as he
could as tears ran down his face too. "It's so scary to think of how my life
would be if you weren't here, but I know I'm a person because of you. I'm not
okay but closer to being okay because of you. You're my whole world." Grantaire
felt himself shaking as he imagined trying to live with no Enjolras there to
love and protect him. "I didn't have anyone to tell me that I was worth
anything after what happened to me, but I'm here for you, because I love you
and someday I can love myself too, but you're a start."
Enjolras nodded and tried to latch on and accept what Grantaire was saying. "I
got hard without his hand on me."
Bennett spoke up again and said, "Sometimes an elevated heartrate in a
frightening situation could cause you to become hard, especially when you're
exposed and in an intimate situation. I've been through and seen a lot in my
life and you can get hard from being scared. It's not a matter of enjoying it,
Enjolras. It sounded like you threw up once you went into the bathroom."
Enjolras closed his eyes and croaked, "Yes. I don't think I can eat for
awhile."
"It's okay. Just try to get some rest."
Grantaire helped Enjolras upstairs and Enjolras felt a wave of guilt. "I'm
really sorry if I triggered you, R. I love you and this has been rough and I'm
scared and I'm sure it stirs up bad memories."
"It's okay. I want to help you. I am upset, but it's because I love you and I
don't like seeing you hurt like this, and I've been through it so I know how
bad it is." Cake was dozing on their bed and Grantaire pet her as Enjolras got
into pajamas. "Do you still want to cuddle?"
"Yes." Enjolras pet Cake and laid down beside Grantaire under the blankets and
snuggled up to him, tears running down his face. "I never knew it was possible
to feel so worthless, like my feelings and comfort don't matter, that I was
used and my father doesn't care about me at all." He cried himself to sleep in
Grantaire's arms, leaving Grantaire with a heavy heart.
Neither of them had nightmares, although Enjolras's father called his cell in
the morning and he deleted the message without even listening to it.
A good night's rest made Enjolras feel better, but the vivid images and
feelings he still had from being with his father made him shudder. He hadn't
eaten since the day before and was relieved when Bennett made him breakfast.
"Are you okay?" Grantaire sat beside Enjolras and worriedly picked at his eggs,
shifting them around on the plate with his fork. He hesitantly reached over and
held Enjolras's hand and Enjolras squeezed him.
"I'm not really okay. I feel empty, and sad, and I- I'm really struggling with
everything." Enjolras could've sworn he could feel his father coming inside of
him and he grimaced. "I think I'll need Combeferre to give me an enema or
something. I can't stop thinking about what happened."
Bennett stood behind Enjolras and gently rubbed and massaged his shoulders.
"It's okay to not be okay. We're here."
Enjolras sniffled and wished he could control the tears flowing down his
cheeks, amazed at how much he could cry. "How do you two do it? How aren't you
broken all the time?"
"Repression." Bennett pulled up a chair next to Enjolras and draped his arm
around him. "We've been conditioned to repress our emotions and thoughts and
everything that's happened to us. We wouldn't be able to function whatsoever if
we actively thought about the horrors we've been through all the time.
Unhealthy, but what we had to do to live." He gave Enjolras a couple tissues
and Enjolras gratefully wiped his eyes.
"Enj?" Grantaire scooted closer and asked, "Do you want to talk about it? Or go
for a walk with me? Do you need Combeferre?"
Enjolras sniffled and nodded again. "I'll call Combeferre. And whatever I do, I
don't want to be alone at all."
"Of course."
"I have good control over myself, and I know you guys need me, but I'm scared
I'll try to harm myself." Enjolras felt sick again and he imagined how horrible
he must look, ashen complexion and bloodshot eyes. "That night he whipped me
was bad, but this feels so much worse, and I feel like it'll never be okay, and
if I ever have to see him again I don't know what I'll do. I feel like I
deserved what he did, and I know it's not right, but it's how I feel and I
can't shake it."
Bennett smoothed Enjolras's hair and said softly, "Time will help. Someday, it
won't feel as intense, the pain will fade, and you can think about it without
feeling overwhelmed."
Grantaire looked sorrowful and Enjolras thought about how he had treated and
helped Grantaire. "R? When I comfort you, do you ever think about what
happened? Do you remember everything, or do you look to the future?"
"I think about you. I think about how you're my life, and that it's over, and
that I need to focus on you, but everything is months ago in my past, your
father did this to you yesterday." Grantaire pulled Enjolras into a hug. "I
don't know how much I am, but you have me."
Enjolras hugged Grantaire back, standing up with him and burying his face in
his shirt. "You're everything."
His cell phone rang again and Enjolras scowled at it, seeing it was his father
calling and leaving a voicemail. He held Grantaire close to him as Cake purred
around their ankles. "I'll text Combeferre, and I think we should go outside."
They walked around the garden, holding hands. Grantaire realized for their
first time that as much as he looked up to and loved Enjolras, he wasn't high
above Grantaire. No one was. He was just as much a person as before his father
sold him, and it struck deep.
"Enjolras?"
"Hm?"
Grantaire turned to face him and said softly, "I love you."
Enjolras smiled. "Thank you. I love you too."
Grantaire gently put his hands on Enjolras's waist and pulled him closer. They
stood nose to nose and Grantaire slid his hands to the small of Enjolras's back
and Enjolras blushed as he realized how intimately they were pressed together.
"R?"
"It's not the time, I know, but." Grantaire but his lip and looked down at
himself, seeing the body he had spent so long hating and wishing he was numbed
or dead and felt so alive instead. "I really love you, as more than I knew. As
more than I think I can say, but I need to. I can look at you, and I don't feel
like I need to rely on you, but that we rely on each other. And- and I mean-
it's not about what your father did to you, but just how I'm realizing it, and
I too, love you as an equal. You're not invincible, you're just a person, and
you being a person is the most important thing to me." He sniffed and said, "I
didn't even think of myself as human as months ago but I have a life, myself,
and friends, and you."
Enjolras hugged Grantaire close to him and could feel that he was crying again
but he didn't mind. He couldn't say he was happy, but that it felt their bond
had deepened. "I love you so much." He focused on the warmth flowing through
him and sighed as they rested.
Combeferre agreed to help Enjolras get an enema when he heard what happened,
and while Enjolras didn't think it helped too much, he could at least know
there were no remaining traces.
He pondered his feelings for Grantaire as they snuggled together later on the
couch with Cake. watching a lighthearted movie. Enjolras was still numb, but he
felt that maybe, just maybe, they might be able to grow together from their
splintered roots.
Enjolras took Grantaire's hand with a smile, throwing his cell phone on the
floor when his mother tried to call him, and closed his eyes, dozing until he
fell asleep.
It felt like minutes until he was woken up.
"Enjolras?" said Bennett.
"Yeah?"
Enjolras raised his head, coming out of his happy thoughts as Grantaire looked
at him. "What?"
Grantaire and Bennett exchanged a look before Bennett said, "I think you better
listen to that voicemail."
***** Chapter 15 *****
Chapter Summary
     This is super short I had an odd day but there's more to come!
Enjolras hesitantly picked up his phone and tapped his mother's voicemail.
"Enjolras! PICK UP YOUR PHONE! Your father's been so worried, he's been trying
to get a hold of you and he's afraid he hurt you despite your consent. I've
never seen him panic like this and I'm afraid he's going to do something
drastic. PICK UP!"
A sob escaped from Enjolras's throat and he threw his phone against the wall,
drawing his arms and legs in on himself and bursting into tears. "Fuck them
fuck them fuck them I'm never going back or talking to them again!"
Bennett and Grantaire held him as he cried, comforting him and soothing him.
Enjolras leaned his head on Bennett as Bennett said, "It's okay, you're okay,
you don't owe them anything. He hurt you and she let him, it's okay. Do what
you need to do."
Grantaire was still getting used to being able to give love as well as receive,
and he clung to Enjolras, giving him the support he knew he needed. "I'm here
with you."
Enjolras stayed inside the house for days, reading or watching TV and letting
other members of les amis handle freeing people and spreading abolitionist
ideals. Grantaire stayed beside him almost all the time, finding his purpose in
loving Enjolras however he could.
He brought Enjolras a cup of tea as he read Prisoner of Azkaban and Enjolras
smiled tiredly at him as he took his tea. "Thank you."
"May I read to you?"
"Yes, if you like."
Enjolras nestled close to Grantaire and closed his eyes, relaxing as
Grantaire's voice washed over him. Had he been feeling better, Enjolras
would've paid more attention to Grantaire's transformation. While he was still
shy, he initiated contact and had a light in his eyes that hadn't existed
before.
Grantaire took a break in his reading and said softly, "Enjolras?"
"Hm?"
"I want to stay here."
Enjolras raised his head. "Huh?"
"I've been thinking, and I guess I've always known, but even when I am free, I
want to he here with you. Collar or no collar, I want to be by your side. I've
never lived before I met you, and there's no place I'd rather be than here.
You're my world, and even though I'm much better, I feel you should know. This
is my home. Wherever you are."
Enjolras looked intently at Grantaire and reached a hand up to caress his
cheek. "I love you very much, and I'm very happy that you want to stay. The
door is still open if you ever did want to leave. But you're welcome here.
Always."
Grantaire leaned his head close to Enjolras, his mouth an inch away from
Enjolras's. "May I?"
Time could numb, but only they could heal together.
***** Chapter 16 *****
Chapter Summary
     I'm horrible about keeping any sort of writing schedule and I'm sorry
     again for taking so long, BUT to make up for it, this chapter is full
     of hard earned happiness!
Grantaire leaned close to Enjolras, his breath softly brushing Enjolras’s lips
as Enjolras cupped his cheek. “Yes,” whispered Enjolras.“
He gently pressed their mouths together and smiled at the feel of Enjolras
against him, like it was what Grantaire had always needed, this sweet and
loving touch and affection. They parted after a few seconds and Enjolras looked
at him with a gentle expression, pink tinging his cheeks. "I love you."
“I love you too.”
Enjolras rested his forehead against Grantaire’s and sniffled, pulling him
close. “I’ve wanted to love you beyond our friendship and me taking care of
your but I was afraid to push you. I didn’t want to get closer to you in a
romantic way when I didn’t know if you could consent. But I’ve wanted to hold
you and kiss you like this for awhile.”
Grantaire smiled and kissed Enjolras’s cheek, his heart fluttering in his
chest. Affection swelled in him and and felt more in harmony with the would
beside Enjolras. “You’re my entire world. Maybe that’s not how people should
work, but it’s true.”
They nestled together on the couch and Enjolras kissed Grantaire back on his
cheek. “I love you. And maybe that’s not how most people are, but I can’t
imagine my life without you. If you did want to leave, I would let you go with
my blessing, but you’re dear to me. I, um.” Enjolras fidgeted and took
Grantaire’s hand. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with sex after
what’s happened to me, and what’s happened to you.”
“Me neither.” Grantaire rested his head on Enjolras’s shoulder and closed his
eyes. “I don’t want anything that would hurt us.” He hugged Enjolras and they
cuddled together, enjoying each other’s company.
At night, Enjolras snuggled up close to Grantaire, just as they always had
before except for the exchange of a couple kisses. For the first time in days,
Enjolras felt truly happy. He stroked Grantaire’s hair and smiled, kissing him
again and sliding his hand up and down Grantaire’s back. “I love you.”
“Love you too.” Grantaire pressed his nose to Enjolras’s and said, “I don’t
really feel like you own me, but I feel like I’m yours anyway. I don’t mind
living under your protection and acting like a slave so we have our cover and
you can help more people.”
Enjolras brushed his fingers against Grantaire’s collar and thought. “That may
be for the best. I think I want to go on a trip tomorrow with you, like to a
marina I know so you can see the boats and the sea. Somewhere nice for us.”
“I’d like that.”
Cake leapt onto their bed and laid down on their pillow with a meow. Grantaire
pet her head and Enjolras looked at him with a soft expression before kissing
him once more.
Enjolras arranged for Courfeyrac to stay with Bennett and he and Grantaire
drove a couple hours to a coastal town next day. They walked hand in hand along
a boardwalk, looking out at the sea and the docks and piers. Grantaire breathed
in the fresh breeze deeply and squeezed Enjolras’s hand, biting his own lip.
“R?”
“I’ve never seen the ocean before.” Grantaire closed his eyes and Enjolras
wrapped his arm around his waist as he started crying. “I never even knew what
had been stolen from me. I never knew.”
“We have our entire lives to be happy and live together.” Enjolras took out his
cell phone and started taking pictures of the water and the beach area. “I
brought your art supplies if you would like to draw.”
“Okay.” Grantaire wiped his eyes and Enjolras hugged him. “Could we take a
picture together? To remember this?”
“Yeah.”
Enjolras and Grantaire leaned together against the wooden railing and Enjolras
took a few pictures of them smiling with the port and the ocean in the
background.
Grantaire wasn’t in his collar because people so far from the city generally
didn’t care and he was okay without it on as long as he was close to Enjolras.
They sat on a large driftwood log on the beach so Grantaire could sketch and
color and so Enjolras could look at the gulls and the waves.
After awhile they started walking again and Enjolras kissed Grantaire’s cheek.
“I love you.”
“I love you too.” Grantaire looked at Enjolras with a smile and asked, “Is this
is what people do? Couples? On dates?”
“I think so.”
They found an ice cream parlor on the boardwalk and Enjolras stopped in front
of it. “Do you want some?”
“Sure.” Grantaire adjusted his glasses to read the menu and said, “Blackberry
and peanut butter cup sound good.”
“In a cone?”
“Yes please.”
Enjolras stepped up to the counter and ordered Grantaire’s ice cream and then
said, “And I’d like a scoop of strawberry cream and a scoop of caramel swirl.”
They sat together at a table outside under an umbrella with a view of the
coast. Grantaire couldn’t remember ever having ice cream in a cone before and
he ate it as slowly as he could without letting it melt, savoring every lick
and nibble of the cone.
“The drive home is rather long. If you like, we could just rest in a hotel,
maybe get a change of clothes and food and just relax?”
“Yeah, that sounds fun!”
Enjolras texted Courfeyrac to make sure he could stay a night and he and
Grantaire went shopping. Grantaire followed Enjolras into the men’s section as
Enjolras picked out shorts and a t-shirt for himself. “Do you see something you
like?”
Grantaire got light shorts and looked at the shirts with a frown. “I kind of
want a tank top? If it’s going to be really warm here on the beach?”
“Of course.”
They looked through tank tops with tropical designs on them in the ladies area
and found a peach colored one he liked but frowned. “I have no idea if this
fits me.”
“They have dressing rooms,” offered Enjolras.
“But I- I don’t know which to use,” whispered Grantaire. Enjolras realized that
he looked mostly masculine and that his breasts weren’t showing under the
oversized shirt he was in. “I mean I can wear this, but I know I seem male, but
this is weird-”
“Hey, it’s okay. Just use the men’s, I know it feels odd but anyone who thinks
badly of you for wanting a cute top. Unless if you feel dysphoria and want the
ladies because you can probably pass well enough.”
“Men’s is okay.” Grantaire shyly went up to the dressing room attendant, who
seemed either polite or jaded to the world enough to make no sign that he
thought his choice was odd and directed him to a dressing room.
He tried the tank top on and liked it and the fit but frowned at some of the
scars it showed on his back and shoulder area. Grantaire realized with a shock
that even if he was officially free, it wouldn’t be hard to find out he had
previously been a slave.
Although Enjolras had marks too, so maybe he knew how to handle it.
Grantaire changed back out of the top and brought it to Enjolras. “It fits.”
“Good.” Enjolras smiled at him and Grantaire automatically held his hand as
they looked around for things they wanted for their stay. “There’s some
microwave teriyaki things, ooooh they have fruit trays!” Enjolras looked at
Grantaire and asked, “What would you like?”
Grantaire picked up a box of oatmeal cream pie cookies and said, “These look
yummy.”
“Ooooh they are, we’re getting them.”
Enjolras held out a sketchbook to Grantaire and said, “You should have decent
paper to draw on. Do you like it?”
Grantaire held it with wonder. “Yes. Thank you.”
“We’ll also need toothbrushes, hair brushes, shower scrubbers, deodorant, we’re
sort of building a travel kit.” Enjolras went over everything they’d gotten and
paid for it at a self check out, teaching Grantaire how it worked.
They drove to a nearby hotel and Enjolras got them a room on the fourth floor,
overlooking the outdoor swimming pool and the port. The room had a small
kitchen, two queen beds, and a large bathtub in the bathroom.
“Woah,” said Grantaire, his eyes wide as he looked at the sunset out the
window.
“Yeah.” Enjolras set the bags of supplies on the bed closest to the bathroom
and asked, “Can I assume we’re going to cuddle tonight?”
“Yes.” Grantaire turned and held both of Enjolras’s hands and pressed a gentle
kiss to his lips. “This is so nice! This place, this room, getting to be with
you like this.”
Enjolras pecked Grantaire’s cheek and said, “It’s wonderful.” He opened the
patio door and he and Grantaire sat down at the outdoor table, Grantaire with
his sketch pad and pencils. “When I first met you, I felt drawn to you. I felt
ashamed and I hated myself for it, after what my father had done to me, and I
tried to squash it down. I’m glad I waited, so we would both be ready, but it
feels so good to not have to link love to shame in my mind. Combeferre told me
to not withhold my love from you, and I can’t tell you how much you mean to
me.”
Enjolras stared at the waves and the bright, striking colors of the warm sunset
as Grantaire drew and replied. “I never thought anyone, including myself, would
see me as a real person. I never thought I could exchange kisses with someone
and have it be loving and mean something. Even when I fantasized at night about
being free, it was only ever about being able to eat what I wanted and sleep in
a bed. I forgot what it was even like to want respect.”
Enjolras nodded, thinking about their lives together. “I’ve been spending days
trying to figure out how to move past what happened to me, but I see that it’s
not about returning to normal. It’s just moving ahead. I thought the change of
scenery would help me think, and it has. I don’t have to try to be who I was
before I let my father sleep with me. I can be better. I can take care of
myself however I need to and not worry about if it’s leading me away from who I
was.
"I know both of us wish the other hadn’t gone through anything they did, but I
saw a bit of myself in you. I saw you recovering and I realized I had never
taken the time to, always pushing myself and spending every day trying so hard
to ignore my past or maybe hurt myself when I did think of it. While I was
helping you I learned how to help myself, and I’m grateful. I’m inspired by
you, R. You really are strong, and gentle and kind, and you don’t even know how
much.”
Grantaire smiled down at his paper. “Thank you.” There was a pause, only filled
with the woosh of the waves. “I would like to be involved with freeing people
too. I mean, I’m still technically not free by choice, but anything I can do to
help others.”
Enjolras thought for a moment. “You know, we used to have a lot of meetings, my
friends and I. Lately they’ve been freeing people without me just one by one,
but we used to organize and march in protests and start fundraisers to get
people out. If we do that, you’re more than welcome to join and meet everyone.
They’re all very nice, and they’ll all be happy to see how far you’ve come. I
hear Eponine has joined our cause as well.”
“Do you think she likes me? I know I was still deep in my trained mindset when
I met her. She probably doesn’t think I’m smart or strong or anything.”
“Hey.” Enjolras looked back at Grantaire and said, “She knows you were put
through a lot. We were prepared for how you might be thinking and feeling, she
was not. Now, I think you two could be friends.”
Grantaire was cheered up by that. He passed Enjolras his paper and asked, “Do
you like it?”
Enjolras had thought Grantaire was drawing the sunset, but had actually been
drawing Enjolras with the golden and pink light reflected on him. It wasn’t a
perfect likeness, but it was obviously Enjolras. “Oh gosh R. It’s beautiful!”
“Thank you. You’re beautiful.” Grantaire stared longingly at the beach and
asked, “Is the sand really as soft as it looks?”
“Now that we have a change of clothes we can definitely find out. There’s a
path down there from the pool courtyard to the shore if you want to go with
me.”
“Yeah!”
Enjolras kicked his shoes off and took them inside. “It’s an inland beach, so
we don’t have to worry about going out at dusk. Don’t wade deeper than your
knees, though.”
“Okay.” Grantaire took his shoes and socks off and followed Enjolras outside,
down to the pool area. “I wish we could swim, if we weren’t both scarred with
whips.”
“I know,” muttered Enjolras sadly. “We could do it, but the stares would be
impressive. It’s possible to keep a shirt on, but it weighs you down.”
They followed the path to the beach and Grantaire stuck a foot in the still
warm sand. “It is really soft!”
“Yeah.” Enjolras buried his feet in a small dune and grinned. “Race you to the
water!”
They ran in the sand until it got damp and hard by the water and then they both
splashed around, going in to their ankles and then mid calf, kicking and then
scooping up water on the other.
“Hey!” Grantaire splashed Enjolras high up on his shirt after Enjolras had
gotten him and Enjolras laughed.
“I haven’t done this since I was a kid!”
Enjolras splashed Grantaire more and they walked along the beach in the water
for awhile as the sun disappeared.
Grantaire watched his footprints dissolve behind him with fascination as they
walked back to the room, finally stepping out of the water after an hour. “The
sea rushing over my feet in the sand felt so good.”
“I’ve missed it.” Enjolras held Grantaire’s hand as they approached the dunes
and he sighed. “I have sand everywhere.”
Grantaire figured they had to shower anyway and smirked. “Not quite.” He kicked
up sand in the breeze at Enjolras and Enjolras giggled and got him right back.
“Hey! I can get you too!”
They were still holding hands as they made a mess of themselves and giggled,
Enjolras letting out a squeak when he tripped and he and Grantaire fell
together in the sand, Grantaire on top of him. “R!” Enjolras playfully rolled
them over so Grantaire got dry sand coated all over his wet clothes too.
“Enjolras!” Grantaire laughed and they laid there nose to nose for a minute,
breathless and lightheaded.
They trekked back to the hotel room and tracked sand inside from the front door
to the bathroom, where they peeled their soaked clothes off and put them in a
hotel laundry bag. “I can wash those tomorrow or later tonight; there’s a
laundry room here.”
“Okay.” Grantaire looked at himself and Enjolras in the mirror and felt
comfortable and okay with himself. “Do you want to shower together? Take a
bath?”
“I don’t know about you, but I don’t really want to wait naked and covered in
sand for you to finish. Are you okay with it?”
“We’ve done it before. I don’t mind.”
Grantaire actually wanted Enjolras to see him, since he didn’t look at him the
way anyone else had. They showered and then snuggled in a hot bubble bath,
another first for Grantaire.
"This is so cozy." Grantaire rested his head on Enjolras's shoulder and
Enjolras held his hand under the water.
"If you feel sore at all from all the running this should soothe it."
"It does."
Both of them were sleepy and tired when they ate a small dinner and it was a
relief to lay down. Enjolras stroked Grantaire's curls as they settled together
and pressed his body to Grantaire's.
"Just remember that whatever we face when we go back home, we face it
together."
***** Chapter 17 *****
Chapter Summary
     It's taken me awhile to figure out exactly how I needed this and the
     next few chapters to go but it's finally done! I updated the tags as
     well, so be aware this contains a referenced suicide attempt.
Grantaire woke up first, deciding that she felt like wearing her new tank top
and being cute for Enjolras at the beach. She watched Enjolras breathe slowly
in his sleep. Enjolras's arm was wrapped around Grantaire's waist and she
didn't think she could get up without waking him and was content to wait and
doze until his eyes opened.
"Good morning, R." Enjolras smiled at Grantaire and she reflected his smile.
"I want to be a girl and wear my new tank top today."
"That sounds great!" Enjolras had noticed that Grantaire liked to dress as
whatever her gender mood was for the day and was glad that she was used to
having some form of expression. He pressed his mouth to Grantaire as a good
morning kiss and stretched, yawning as he woke up.
Grantaire waited for Enjolras to finish yawning to kiss him and snuggle up to
him. "Yesterday was so nice."
"It was." Enjolras stroked Grantaire's cheek and then moved to stroke her hair,
smiling at how the soft curls felt against his hand.
"Enjolras?" Grantaire could feel Enjolras was erect against her leg.
"Hm?"
Grantaire kissed Enjolras again before pulling back, asking him, "Are you
attracted to me? Sexually?" She'd been thinking about her own body compared to
Enjolras's and she wanted to know how Enjolras thought about her, especially
since he had woken up hard.
Enjolras blinked, startled by the question. "Well, I would say physically more
than sexually."
"I guess that, I mean I see when you look at me that it's different than how
anyone else looks at me, but I guess I want you to like me. I dunno. I like
myself and I guess I was wondering how you feel. You're really pretty."
Enjolras thought for a moment. "I think you're beautiful too, but I don't think
it's sexual. When i first met you I felt guilty about it because of what had
happened to me in the past, but it wasn't ever really sexual. Like, you're
really sweet and I think your hair and eyes and your glasses make you really
cute looking. You're cute. And I've wanted intimacy with you that's not sexual.
Exactly how we are now."
Grantaire nodded. "That makes sense. I guess I was just thinking about the
first time I met you, and how I only saw you as someone I wouldn't mind being
fucked by, because I was so deep in my mindset, and now it's all so different."
"How is it now?"
"Well, I don't think I actually want sex." Grantaire bit her lip and said, "I
just feel attraction to you. Not actually that I want sex but attraction."
"I could see that." Enjolras kissed Grantaire's cheek and sighed. "I'm happy
how we are."
"You're hard. So I asked."
Enjolras started and looked down with a blush. "Oh gosh, I'm sorry. It's warm
bodies together, not anything that I want sex."
"It's okay, I just wanted to know."
Grantaire yawned and stood up as Enjolras went into the bathroom to get dressed
and wash his face, and presumably to take care of his hard on. She got dressed
and looked in the living room mirror by their beds to see how her tank top
looked with her shorts. She put her hair up and was busy eying herself when
Enjolras came out of the bathroom.
"I love the glasses and ponytail combo."
"Thanks." Grantaire kissed Enjolras again and smiled, feeling light and happy
for a morning of peace before going home.
And when they got there, Enjolras was glad they hadn't come back right away.
Courfeyrac hugged Enjolras once they got in but then turned grim, which sent
dread shooting down Enjolras's spine. "What's happened?"
"Your mother called several times, and after hearing one of the messages, I
picked and talked to her, telling her you were out of town but I would pass on
the information to you. I- I had to Enjolras, it's dire."
Grantaire held Enjolras's hand and gave it a squeeze, scared for what
Courfeyrac was going to say. "What did she tell you?"
Courfeyrac bit his lip and looked down at the carpet. "She said that your
father went to the emergency room for a suicide attempt and now is in mental
health monitoring, because he feels he pushed you or hurt you when you, um, had
sex with him."
"Oh." Enjolras felt a wave of emptiness and shock pulse through him, followed
by anxiety when he realized his mother would expect him to go visit his father.
"I- um, are you okay? I mean, do you need medical care or therapy? I don't
really know what happened and I'm scared for you."
Enjolras frowned. "I don't think I need a doctor, since I have Grantaire and
Bennett and all of you to support me. I voluntarily had sex with him, but I did
it to free slaves in exchange. But how it felt, and the incest and all the
abuse I've ever had, it felt like rape."
Courfeyrac hugged Enjolras again and Enjolras could feel him shake slightly
with sobs he was trying to keep down. "Oh Enjolras, I'm so sorry." He felt
guilt at finding out what had happened behind Enjolras's back and croaked, "I
don't know if you ever wanted me to know, and likely not this way, and I'm
sorry."
"It's okay." Enjolras rested his head on Courfeyrac's shoulder and felt him
relax at the gesture. "It's a bit of a relief that you know. Combeferre knows
too. I guess that I might've told you someday, but I'm not used to sharing
things like this."
"I always knew your dad was a shitbag, but I never knew he abused you. Or would
pressure you into incest. God, Enjolras."
"I won't force you to look, but I have scars. On my back."
Courfeyrac looked even more distraught than before. "If you want to show them
to me, I'll look. If it'll help you."
Enjolras nodded and took his shirt off, turning around so Courfeyrac could see.
"When I was fifteen or so, he whipped me until I gave in and consented to have
sex with a slave. It's what triggered my self harming problem that I struggled
with through high school. I usually never talk about it, but you should know."
Courfeyrac was full out crying when Enjolras turned back around. "And after all
of this, you still go back to the worst nightmare of your life to help others."
"Enjolras is very brave." Grantaire held Courfeyrac's hand. "He's the
strongest, kindest, softest person I've ever met. He would do anything to help
anyone."
Enjolras put his shirt back on and kissed Grantaire's cheek. "She's flattering
me, but I would do anything I can to help others. Even visiting the man who
raped me in the hospital."
Courfeyrac sniffled and hugged Enjolras again, this time beckoning Grantaire
into the hug. "This world doesn't deserve you. You're so pure. And I'm so lucky
to know you." He squeezed them against himself and said, "Let me come with you
to the hospital. I can drive. You can't do this alone, I simply won't allow
it."
"Me neither." Grantaire kissed Enjolras's mouth. "I'm coming too."
"R-"
"Whatever we face, we face it together. Courfeyrac and I can wait outside the
room if you need us to, but we'll do all we can."
Enjolras sighed, thankful he wouldn't be alone. "Alright. I'll talk to Bennett
to make sure he's okay and we'll go."
-break-
Courfeyrac and Grantaire seated themselves at the hospital cafe a couple floors
below his father's hospital room, reserving a seat for Enjolras when he was
done. Enjolras was grateful that he would have immediate moral support after
the visit.
He loitered around in the hospital gift shop, looking at cards and stuffed
animals to put off having to go upstairs. Enjolras remembered when he was in
the hospital for his whip wounds and later. self harming, and how his parents
always brought him a small stuffed turtle, a different one for each visit along
with hugs and kisses and warm words he only felt numb to.
"If you wanted a turtle, all you had to do was ask us for one, kiddo." His
father's voice echoed back to him from years ago, after he had cut and was in
the hospital again as a teen. He could almost feel the bed sheets against his
skin and the thin pillow behind his back as his father hugged him and gave him
the turtle, sitting beside him and trying to comfort his son and find out what
was so wrong.
Enjolras's throat closed up and he bought a little stuffed turtle with sea
green and soft blue designs on it.
He held the turtle in his hands and stared at the details on it as he took the
elevator up to his father's hospital room. Shaking slightly with nerves, he
walked up to the nurse's station and said, "I'm here to see my father, in room
346."
The nurse nodded. "I'll go let him know you're here and confirm it's okay." She
came back a minute later and said, "Four rooms down on your left."
"Thank you."
Enjolras took a deep, shuddering breath before pushing the door open and then
moving the hospital curtain aside.
"Enjolras?"
Enjolras's father looked like he had aged years since Enjolras had seen him a
few weeks ago. His skin was pale and ashen and his eyes were bloodshot and red
rimmed. His eyes were only half open and Enjolras noticed that he had bandages
on his arms and that the garbage can near his bed was full of tissues.
"Enjolras?" he asked weakly again. "Is that you?"
"Yes." Enjolras sat in a chair right next to his father and he got a pang in
his heart as he set the turtle on the table with his father's call button, and
he knew what he needed to do. "If you wanted a turtle, you could've just
asked."
His father picked up the turtle and sniffled. "You cannot be Enjolras. He hates
me. I hurt my son so much he'll- my Enjolras will never talk to me again." He
closed his eyes and began weeping, harder than Enjolras thought he could with
how weak and tired he looked. "All I've ever done is hurt him." He shook with
sobs and Enjolras reached out and draped his arm around his father's shoulders,
at peace with what he had to do and unafraid, knowing that he had to do it got
his own peace of mind, and not what his father deserved.
"I'm really here, father." He swallowed and breathed deeply. "I'm here to tell
you the truth."
***** Chapter 18 *****
Chapter Summary
     Over 200 kudos, woah! Thank you guys so much, I know these have been
     short chapters as of late but AAY PLOT.
“The truth.” His father looked tiredly at Enjolras. “You lied about wanting to
sleep with me. I know that now, hell, I might’ve known then but wanted it too
much. That’s all gone. I never want to be remotely intimate like that ever
again with you.” He sounded broken about it, as though it had been all he’d
dwelt on. Enjolras felt another pang inside himself, not pity per se, but just
that he was finally letting go of his secrets.
He nodded and scooted closer. “Yes, that’s part of it.” Enjolras pet the turtle
in his fathers hands and bit his lip. “You don’t deserve my forgiveness.”
“I know,” whispered his father sadly.
“But I need to do what I need to do for myself.” Enjolras straightened up and
faced his father directly.
“I’ve been lying to you and manipulating you and mother for years. I’ve been
pretending to want slaves and be cruel when in reality, I’ve been doing
everything I can to legally free people. I’m an abolitionist. It all started
with Dani, and I’ve only worked harder and harder. I feel no guilt whatsoever
for any of my lying or anything I’ve ever done to get money from you because
it’s for the right reason.
"I offered myself to you purely because it was another way to free more people.
It was all an act, and one I can no longer do.”
Enjolras’s father stared at him. “I always knew you were softer than anyone
else, but I had no idea.” He didn’t sound angry, which Enjolras was relieved
about. Baffled, maybe. “But what about the slaves you own now? There’s
several.”
“I knew I had to be convincing, so a few people have agreed to stay technically
owed by me as part of my cover. The only ones who live with me are Bennett and
Grantaire. The others live normal lives with my friends, the only thing in
their lives that differs from free people is that they don’t pay taxes.”
“Grantaire? Who’s Grantaire?”
“She sucked you off when you visited me.” Enjolras’s voice was harsh and his
father winced. He softened when he spoke about Grantaire, letting affection
into his tone. “I got Grantaire out of slavery some time ago at an auction. She
was, and still is, extremely fragile, but also strong, sweet, and kind. She’s
learning more about herself day by day and has discovered she’s genderfluid.
I’ve been teaching her skills like reading and shopping and other things so
someday she can be functional and not have to rely on others for basic things.
I love her and care for her deeply, but the emotional, physical, and spiritual
damage she got from being brutally tortured and raped and used for sex since
she was eleven will never go away.
"Just like those wounds you gave me, and so many other people, will never go
away. Dani is dead because no one but me valued her enough as a person to want
her to see a doctor or at least try for some death with dignity if she chose
it. I don’t know how many others have died under you and I don’t want to know.”
Enjolras bit his lip and continued, feeling queasy and hoping this wasn’t
setting him up for losing all of his funding. “For those few times in my life
you were a real parent to me, I’m telling you. For me, I’m telling you. And if
nothing changes in how you treat people, I really will never talk to you
again.”
There was silence in the room as Enjolras’s father looked at Enjolras and then
back down at the stuffed animal. “You deserve so much better than me. I- I
remember how I used to think like you. I remember it all as a child and teen.
"I fought back against my own father, when he first made moves on me. It was
forced and painful, and the less I fought the less it hurt, and I grew to enjoy
it because I had to to survive. And then I did it to other people, because it
was all I knew, and I liked the power rush. It made it easy to think I hadn’t
participated in wrongdoing to just ignore it all and think it was okay to avoid
guilt.
"When we had you, I swore I wouldn’t abuse you like I had been, but I wound up
doing it in a different method. And I cannot say how sorry I am.” Enjolras’s
father looked down at his bedsheets. “You were the one good thing to come out
of my life, and it isn’t to my credit whatsoever.”
As deep as it all was, Enjolras still felt he had a business matter to bring
up. It’s not like he thought he could really ever get close to his father
again.
“Are you going to cut my funding?”
His father looked confused at the question and then sighed. “No.”
“I use the majority of it to free people. And I will keep doing so. And if
that’s all, then I guess I’m leaving.”
Enjolras stood up, relieved that he no longer had his secret to bear and that
he hadn’t jeopardized his operation. Emotionally, he felt mostly empty, unable
to be filled with fury at the sight of his father in a hospital bed but not
necessarily happy he was alive. He had reached the door when his father spoke
again.
“I’ll free them all.”
Enjolras froze and turned around, suddenly forgetting how to breathe. “What?”
“All of the slaves I own.”
Enjolras’s father looked peaceful as he spoke, not looking at Enjolras but at
the stuffed turtle again. “Everyone I’ve hurt than I can attempt to make amends
to. All of the house slaves as well as the ones who work at the manufacturing
plant. I’ll set them all free and give what compensation I can, although it
isn’t enough. They can stay and work as free people if they want, with high
wages and full health coverage and be able to live where they like. It’s the
least I can do. I see it’s what I should’ve done years ago.”
Enjolras stared, blinking with surprise before he got a sinking feeling in his
stomach. “In exchange for what?”
His father looked up at him with a serene, sad smile. “Nothing. I’ll do it once
I’m released. If anything, I would like you to bring Bennett over so he can be
there when everyone is free and I can burn his collar.
“I want your love and affection as my son, but I will never attempt to buy it
from you. You are much more than that and if you never speak to me again, I
shall understand. I’m doing this because it’s right. Because I’ve finally woken
up.”
“Okay.” Enjolras felt dazed and knew he wanted to get back down to Courfeyrac
and Grantaire. “Let me know when to bring Bennett over.”
His father’s face brightened at the permission to talk to Enjolras again, even
if only briefly. “I will.”
“Thank you.” Enjolras stood awkwardly by the door. “Get well soon.”
Enjolras could hardly believe his father would see his side and want things to
change. He’d expected to leave and be lucky if his funding remained the same,
not that his father would make his deepest wishes since he was a child come
true. Maybe he only did it because he thought it would gain him approval with
Enjolras, and Enjolras wasn’t sure how he would feel until he watched his
father fulfill his promise.
Courfeyrac and Grantaire were playing go fish at their when Enjolras walked up
to them. Grantaire immediately stood up and hugged him, pulling Enjolras close
against herself. “Are you okay?”
“My dad is going to free all of his slaves.”
Courfeyrac stared. “What?”
“He is?” asked Grantaire with amazement, pulling away to look at Enjolras’s
face. “All of them?”
“Yes.” Enjolras hugged Grantaire and burst into tears, as the full realization
slammed into him and he sobbed with happiness. “YES!”
“Oh Enjolras that’s perfect!” Courfeyrac hugged them both in his arms and
Enjolras laughed through his tears, feeling even happier than he had at the
beach.
“He wants me to bring Bennett over when he makes the announcement so he can
burn his collar.”
Freeing slaves was something of a rarity, since they were usually enslaved for
life unless they were serving time or were paying a debt, but it was tradition
for their owner to cut off their collar and burn it when they were freed.
Enjolras couldn’t wait to tell Bennett.
“We should celebrate,” Enjolras said, beaming with joy. “We can get a cake. And
maybe some really fun movies, whatever you guys want.”
Courfeyrac grinned. “I’m in the mood for some chick flicks. Or Shrek. We can
just marathon Shrek movies.”
Enjolras would’ve normally never agreed, but he had to admit Grantaire might
find them entertaining, plus it was a pop culture experience. “I’m so happy
that yes, I’ll marathon all four Shrek movies with you.”
Courfeyrac’s mouth fell open and Enjolras laughed, kissing Grantaire on the
mouth happily and holding her closer. “Oh R, you can be free too!”
Grantaire’s expression flickered. “I can stay with you, right?”
“Of course. You’ll be my girlfriend. And when you’re a boy you’ll be my
boyfriend, like any other couple. Bennett might stay with us too.”
Grantaire buried her face in Enjolras’s shirt and burst into tears. “I never
thought I could feel this happy!”
Courfeyrac put a hand on Enjolras’s back and asked, “Is everything okay with
you and your dad?”
“I don’t really know,” admitted Enjolras. “I don’t know how I’ll feel about him
after this all goes through. I may never be close to him, or I may try to reach
out. All I know is that right now, I want to move past the pain I’ve had in my
life to celebrate over a hundred people getting to live soon.”
Grantaire kissed Enjolras out of nowhere with more passion than she ever had
before, bumping his nose and pressing her lips more firmly to his than normal.
"I heard they make vanilla cakes!"
For a second, Enjolras imagined how Grantaire would react to seeing tasting a
wedding cake and pushed the thought out of his mind. Instead Enjolras laughed
and held Grantaire tightly before picking her up and spinning her, watching her
expression quickly go from startlement to bliss. He set Grantaire down and
kissed her softly, smiling so hard his face hurt. "They do. And we can get some
jelly beans and fish and chips and chocolate and popcorn and carrots!"
"You aren't pregnant are you?" joked Courfeyrac at Enjolras's list of foods.
"I've never felt like I could just go out any get anything and everything I
wanted, but I'm willing to splurge for one day." Enjolras didn't dare hope his
father would also use his influence to abolish slavery and work for social
change, but he let himself feel weightless just for the time being.
Enjolras, Grantaire, and Courfeyrac walked into his house after some time
shopping, all radiant and cheerful, with Grantaire in charge of carrying the
cake and setting it on the table with extreme caution. Bennett came into the
room going from worried to confused at the food and movies strewn on the table.
"I thought you went and saw your father?"
Enjolras beamed at him and he held both of Bennett's hands excitedly. "You're
going to get your freedom."
Bennett stared hard at Enjolras. "Your father is setting me free?" he asked
incredulously.
"You, and everyone else. He wants me to bring you and everyone to the house
when he makes the announcement so he can burn your collar." Enjolras smiled and
hugged Bennett close. "You're right, I have changed him. I told him the truth
and he's woken up and changed after all these years!"
"You-you're sure?" Bennett hugged Enjolras back and closed his eyes. "You're
sure he's not lying?"
"He said it to me after a suicide attempt and after a long talk I had with him.
While he could be lying, and he signed no papers, I feel it all rings true."
Enjolras squeezed Bennett slightly before pulling back, brimming with
happiness. "I'd never seen him like that before. I know it's hard to believe,
but I'm certain of it."
Bennett brought his fingers up to his neck, where his collar was and he
sniffed. "I've been owned by your father for twenty eight years. I- your- I was
one of your father's very first slaves, and I was his to do as he pleased for
so long, and I babysat you and watched you grow and now-" he burst into tears
and sobbed on Enjolras's shoulder, letting Grantaire and Courfeyrac hug him
too. "Now he's letting me go?"
"Yes." Enjolras smoothed Bennett's hair and repeated, "Yes. It'll finally be
okay."
"Thank you." Bennett cupped Enjolras's cheek and smiled through watery eyes.
"It's because of you, that he'll do this. It's because you got through to him.
It's been hell but we did it."
Enjolras's phone buzzed and he read the text, his face brightening as he tucked
it away. He got out a butter knife and cut a slice of cake, handing it to
Bennett. "My father is getting out of the hospital hopefully in two days and my
mother has been getting all of the legal forms together. You'll be officially
free in two days."
***** Chapter 19 *****
Chapter Summary
     My gosh, I'm so sorry for the delay! I wanted a lot out of this
     chapter and I kept restarting it but I'm satisfied with it now.
Grantaire was back to he pronouns the next day, informing Enjolras of it as he
lifted Cake off of Enjolras's head.
"Okay." Enjolras blearily opened his eyes and smiled at Grantaire, stroking his
cheek and kissing him. "Good morning."
"Good morning." Grantaire hadn't been able to stop smiling since the day
before, when he learned so many people would be free and they had watched
movies and celebrated until the early hours. "I love you."
"I love you too." Enjolras toyed with Grantaire's hair, feeling comfortable and
safe snuggled so close to him. "I don't know if it would be too much, but I was
wondering if you would want to help me with something. If my father does get
all of his slaves from the grounds and factory together to set everyone free,
then it'll be a huge event. I would like it if you could stand beside me, in
front of everyone. Or even make a speech, since a lot of them will be feeling
lost and scared and you can talk about recovery, if you want."
Grantaire thought about it. "I've never done something like that before. I
don't know if I can be uplifting."
"You don't have to if you don't want to. If you do talk, it should just be
honest. You don't even have to rehearse."
"I'll see how I feel."
"Sure." Enjolras blinked and sniffed the air. "I smell coffee. And bacon."
"It smells good," said Grantaire, getting out of bed and leading the way
downstairs, him and Enjolras wearing loose fitting shirts and sweatpants that
they'd slept in.
Bennett, Courfeyrac, and Combeferre were all in the kitchen, making eggs,
bacon, and pancakes as coffee brewed. "Morning!" Courfeyrac cheerily flipped
over a couple eggs in his pan and looked at Enjolras, "You like your eggs over
hard, right?"
"Yeah. Wow, thank you guys." Enjolras and Grantaire sat beside each other at
the already set table and held hands automatically. "You all sleep well?"
"Very well," said Combeferre.
"Had an even better morning," added Courfeyrac airily, grinning at Combeferre's
blush.
Bennett poured coffee for everyone, giving Enjolras a cup that was perfectly
prepared for his taste, with plentiful sugar and cream. "You still know how I
like it after all these years," commented Enjolras, staring at Bennett.
"One of the happier things I remember from my life." Bennett sighed, sipping
his own cup. "I could never really talk to you candidly, particularly as a
child, since children tend to repeat things, but I've always loved you as a
sibling, or child of my own." His eyes got misty.
"Oh, Bennett." Enjolras took his hand and squeezed it. "I wish I had been able
to get you out sooner, to protect you more."
"You weren't just protection for me, but a genuine joy. A reason to live.
Looking back I would describe you as ferociously kind to me, always pushing for
life to be better because you cared."
Bennett let himself get lost in memories, remembering his life with Enjolras's
family.
As a child and teen, his family had always struggled. Food and money were short
at the ending weeks of the month and it was always a bit of a question if rent
would be on time, but they made it. That is, until his mother had been
seriously injured in a car accident.
The medical bill was large and they were looking at a life in debt with one
less worker. Bennett had been fourteen, still technically too young for a free
person to work, so he volunteered himself to be sold instead, so his family
could hold onto their home and have a better life. No one could talk him out of
it, since he couldn't bear to see any of them on the street.
He'd known living as a slave would be terrible. But even with research, he had
no idea how bad. He thought by choosing it, maybe he could be mentally
prepared.
Bennett's identity and selfhood was erased within weeks.
Enjolras's father was only in his early twenties then, but no less terrifying.
Bennett remembered kneeling on the floor of his room, head bowed and collar
around his neck, shaking as Enjolras's father glared at him, intimidating and
cold. Bennett may have been rooting for legal sex, but not too young to be
starved and beaten, worked to constant exhaustion and denied a bed of his own.
His fifteenth birthday was one of the worst days of his life. Enjolras's father
had called him into his bedroom the night before, roughly kissing and pinning
him down, turning what Bennett had hoped would be his first dose of kindness
and closeness from Enjolras's father into an ordeal that left him bruised and
scratched.
A minute past midnight Enjolras's father, making it clear Bennett was worth
nothing else, penetrated him and forced himself inside, growling at his cries
of pain and instinctive struggling.
Every time, it was just as hellish.
Even when Enjolras's father got married, he used Bennett and his other
favorites just as often as before. Bennett wondered if he was more animal than
man, having such a feral drive to exert dominance and control and to hurt at
every opportunity.
For a long time, he felt pushed to the point of seriously considering suicide.
What held him back was a lingering stroke of faith and fear from his old life,
and the knowledge that slave owners made sure to pass on, that if any of them
did kill themselves as a means of escape, the others would suffer even more. He
couldn't remember his old name very well and dared not even think of it. He
lived scrap of food to scrap of food, peaceful moment to peaceful moment, those
times he could lay on his mat and be thankful he wasn't in more pain. All goals
and ambition were gone, all desire to love and create, to truly live and
appreciate beauty had left, leaving him as much as a shell as the other slaves.
Then baby Enjolras was born.
Enjolras's parents clearly wanted to love and care for Enjolras, but without
the full time work of caring for a child.
Bennett could still remember the shock of fear when Enjolras's father had first
handed baby Enjolras to him. Enjolras was pawing at Bennett's shirt, making
baby noises and seeking affection. "If you harm, or let any harm come to my
son, I will personally torture you to death," his father hissed, his eyes
alight with a harshness that didn't fade out all the way when he looked down at
his son.
Even without the threat, Bennett wanted nothing more than to see Enjolras
happy. He was a sweet baby, and took an immediate liking to Bennett. He could
be calmed down and rocked to sleep easily in Bennett's arms, and he crawled to
Bennett more readily than anyone else.
Enjolras grew mentally fast, and by one and a half he was trying to figure out
what to call Bennett. He always corrected him when he said 'mommy' or 'daddy',
and Enjolras seemed frustrated with how many people in the house were named
'slave' (which was made even more confusing by the sharp snap his father had
snarled at him when Enjolras had tried to call his father 'slave', thinking it
meant person). He usually resorted to making a noise of joy and throwing
himself at Bennett.
One day, he made it clear he would become the defiant Enjolras his adult self
was.
It might've come from the TV, or maybe just a series or sounds he heard.
Enjolras was walking towards Bennett with a bright smile on his face and
blurted out, "Benny!"
Bennett shook his head. "No, Master Enjolras. I'm a slave. I have no name."
"Benny!" exclaimed Enjolras again with a smile.
"What?" Enjolras's father walked right up behind Enjolras and Bennett's heart
rate skyrocketed.
"Benny!"
"Sir," said Bennett quickly. "I don't know why he's started to say this, I've
never asked for a name or-"
"BENNY!" yelled Enjolras. He tugged on his father's shirt and looked up at him.
"Benny!"
Enjolras's father sighed. "I suppose he's starting to understand how names
function in language. It must be hard for him to not be able to specifically
say which slave he's talking about." Not like not having a name was hard.
"Alright then." He picked Enjolras up and handed him to Bennett, who was
sitting on the floor surrounded by Enjolras's toys. "Your name is Bennett.
Benny is far too familiar, and he'll switch to that as soon as he can."
"Thank you, sir," said Bennett, feeling stunned.
Children had to be taught to hate, and Enjolras refused to learn. He liked to
share things with slaves, despite being gently scolded for it, and often
wandered into slave quarters. When he was three he witnessed his father strike
a slave across the face and cried for hours. Even worse was when Bennett had
been whipped and Enjolras knew he was hurting and had broken down crying,
breaking his heart since Enjolras had gotten enough sympathy at four years old
to know Bennett was in pain.
Enjolras offered some protection to Bennett, since while he cared for him and
was a playmate and teacher to him, his father interacted with him far less.
When he was brought to Enjolras's father though, the assault followed by then
caring for his son again felt even sickening than before. As a child, Enjolras
was kind, but Bennett had night terrors of him growing into his father's shoes
and using him the same way.
He needn't have worried.
Enjolras went out of his way to make all of their lives better, despite knowing
his parents would yell at him for it. The biggest temper tantrum he ever threw
was in response to not being allowed to bring Bennett to the beach with them,
since he wanted him to come too.
His parents were proud of his strong will, but less thrilled that Enjolras used
it against them.
The night that his father took Enjolras and beat him with a whip was another
one of the worse days of Bennett's life. Enjolras was a shell of himself, and
whether he realized it or not, the entire household could feel it.
Enjolras still invited slaves to sleep beside him, knowing that his bed was
better than a floor mat, but he stopped offering comfort and whispers at night.
Guilt made him afraid to touch anyone or be intimate, any secondhand benefit to
himself was unacceptable after what he'd done.
Bennett was invited to Enjolras's room a few weeks after the incident, and he
knew he had to bring Enjolras out of his hollowed out self. Enjolras slept
fitfully, his back to Bennett, waking up every half hour and flinching and
whimpering.
He gently reached out to Enjolras and Enjolras stilled, surprised by Bennett
doing what slaves were forbidden to do. To take action. "Enjolras," he
whispered softly, getting a gasp out of Enjolras.
Enjolras rolled over to face him, his eyes bloodshot and puffy. "You said my
name. No sir, or master, but my name." For Enjolras, it was hearing someone
speak to him as a person for the first time in so long, he bit his lip to stop
from crying. "Bennett, are you alright?"
"I am better than I ever have been in this moment, Enjolras." Gone was the
forced mask of subservience and fear. "Enjolras," he said again, smiling and
seeing it reflected in Enjolras's tear stained face. He hugged Enjolras close
to himself and smoothed his hair, soothing him as he used to all those years
ago. "We need you back. Do not punish yourself for your father's sins. I cannot
go on, or make you see it any differently, but please," whispered Bennett
frantically, slightly afraid of being overheard.
Enjolras sniffled. "I'll never be okay like I used to be." He buried his face
in Bennett's shirt and sobbed softly. "I'm leaving as soon as I can and it's
selfish, it's so selfish knowing how you live and I can't handle it, I've had
to go to the ER twice and I can't do it I'm so sorry-"
Bennett wasn't entirely surprised, although it was a shock to hear that
Enjolras wanted to leave as soon as possible aloud. "It's okay, Enjolras. Take
care of yourself, so you can take care of others."
The thought that it may be the last time he could ever talk to Enjolras hit
Bennett hard in his chest and he held him closer, closing his eyes.
"Go and change the world for me."
-A few days later-
The phrase echoed in Bennett's mind as he watched Enjolras's father take his
collar and cut it in half, throwing it into a fire pit. He swallowed hard and
tears sprang to his eyes as Enjolras's father held the microphone on the
makeshift stage.
With Enjolras in agreement, his father had gotten the press in on his event of
setting hundreds of slaves free. Around thirty from the house and estate
grounds, and the rest from the manufacturing plant he owned. Enjolras,
Grantaire, and his parents stood onstage beside Bennett, who stared at his
collar burning with a daze. Enjolras's mother was cold and disapproving,
furious that his father was letting all of his slaves go but not willing to
risk his mental health and life by demanding they stay.
"The first one is free!" said Enjolras's father into the microphone, pausing
for the immediate applause that followed. "Christened Bennett by my son,
Enjolras, he was the oldest in my home." He looked distant but serene as he
continued. "I've come to realize how wrong slavery is. How cruel and brutal
I've been all my life, stealing lives from those far more deserving than me,
causing so much pain and sorrow.
"An apology," he said, turning to Bennett, who couldn't meet his eyes. "Is not
enough. Nothing I can do is enough. It took until days ago for me to see how
wrong and vile my life has been. Enjolras showed me. He spent years trying to
tell me, and working as an activist, and now as I stand here, facing all of
you, I'm stunned with shame and guilt to my core."
There was silence, followed by a few cameras clicking.
"I'm setting you all free and joining the movement to end this once and for
all. All of you shall get what wages I can give from the years you've all been
here. If anyone wants to stay as a free person, as a factory worker or
groundskeeper, they are welcome to, with benefits, double the minimum wage, and
the best working conditions we can provide."
He shifted on his feet. "I'll stand by the bonfire, and cut collars." People
walked by him in procession, handing him collars with looks that varied from
joy to shock, some crying and some not.
Enjolras, Bennett, and Grantaire joined in the cheering when the final collar
was destroyed and a massive roar rose up from hundreds of people seeing the
reality of being released from bondage.
Enjolras took the microphone and beamed, breathing hard as joy pulsed through
him. "There are resources for all of you, and I have quite a few abolitionist
friends who can help you get on your feet in life. But before we all go, I want
to introduce my friend, Grantaire."
Grantaire stepped up and nervously held the microphone, words leaving him as he
looked out at the crowd. "Um." He swallowed.
"My name is Grantaire, and Enjolras rescued me out of slavery some months ago."
Grantaire tried to steady his heart rate and look anywhere but at the cameras.
"I had been enslaved since I was eleven years old. I didn't know anything but
being abused, being reduced to something lower than an animal, even having my
body injected with chemicals for one of my master's fetishes.
"A lot of you probably feel how I felt. That after all those years and whatever
trauma you've had, you can't be normal. That maybe you can't even look normal.
That something inside you says you deserved what happened because we're raised
to think people get what they deserve, but the truth is that they rarely do."
Grantaire warmed up to his speech, feeling his soul soaring in his chest,
passion sparking him. "Some mornings I wake up and I don't know where I am.
Some nights I can hardly sleep because the past haunts me so vividly. Sometimes
I feel as though I'm making no progress at all or that I'm even slipping back
into old mindsets. Anxiety and fear can still take me, but I know I'll make it.
I know recovery and living involves up and downs, and in those downs I have to
know its not my fault. In your downs, you have to remember it's not your fault,
that you're on the right path.
"My body, as you can see, isn't what you'd consider normal. I have breasts and
feminine features. I used to think of myself as a thing, an object, a
disgusting lump of flesh I happened to inhabit that was hardly able to bring
pleasure to whoever used it. I've learned that I'm okay, though. That I'm more
than what happened to me. The standards of how much my abusers got out of me
don't matter now.
"What's normal for others may not be what works for you. There is no one high
ideal to live up to. There's only what life you need for yourself." He paused
to smile at Enjolras. "I'm dating Enjolras. We bonded close and fast, and I saw
in him parts of me, parts that proved no one is above another in worth. That if
he didn't deserve what hurt he's ensured in his life, I don't either."
Grantaire fidgeted, taking a deep breath and sniffling as people applauded.
"I never thought anyone could look at me without appraising me for how they
could use me. I never thought someone could look at me with tenderness and
love, seeing me clearer than I see myself and truly loving me, but it's real."
Grantaire held Enjolras's hand and Enjolras squeezed his hand, giving him
permission to continue.
"Due to what's happened to both of us, neither of us are comfortable with sex.
And it's okay. For a lot of us, sex has been used to hurt us. Learning to enjoy
something that's triggering isn't the goal to recovery. There's plenty of ways
to be intimate and in love without it. And for all of you who can't or don't
want to ever engage in it, you're not broken. It's okay."
Grantaire took a deep breath. "There's a whole world out there, past the mental
boundaries we've put up and past the gates of this house. Explore it and live!"
He unbuckled his own collar and threw it in the fire as the crowd cheered.
-~-
Back home, Enjolras, Grantaire and Bennett snuggled on a couch and celebrated
with a movie on in the background. Plenty more tears were shed and Bennett was
constantly touching his neck where his collar had been.
The doorbell rang and Enjolras answered it, surprised to see a woman in
hysterics. "Hello, I'm-"
"Please let me see him, on the news you said his name was Grantaire and I know
he's in his twenties it must be him, oh I'm so sorry for what I've done but I
need him I have to tell him I'm sorry he hates me I know he does but I need to
see his face and-"
Grantaire appeared behind Enjolras and he gasped when he looked at her face.
"Mom?!"
***** Chapter 20 *****
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes
"Mom?!" Grantaire's mouth was open as he stared at his mother in the doorway,
dazedly walking by Enjolras to look at her as she burst into tears.
"Yes, it's me. Oh Grantaire, R!" She dissolved completely and looked at
Grantaire longingly, wanting to run towards him but holding back.
Grantaire took the initiative and hugged her tightly to himself and cried,
burrowing into her shoulder and stroking her hair. Enjolras awkwardly shut the
door and looked at them, clearly seeing the family resemblance in their faces
and hair. "I missed you so much."
"I tried to find you, R, after you were gone I divorced your father and we
tried to find you but there was no record of you in the system and we thought
you were dead! I know we should've looked harder I know I should've never let
you go, God what they must've done to you in fifteen years!"
"It's okay mom, it's okay. I'm just so happy to see you!"
In a split second Enjolras was overcome with panic that Grantaire would leave
him to be with his family. Of course Enjolras couldn't deny him that, but he
blanched and spun on his heel to head in any other direction than towards the
living room in order to process the shock, when Grantaire's mother grabbed his
wrist.
"And you? You're Enjolras?"
"Yes." Enjolras awkwardly turned back around to face her.
She turned to Grantaire and asked, "Has he really treated you well and let you
go? Is all both of you said true?"
"Enjolras is very kind and brave, mother. He's never owned me as property even
after he bought me to rescue me, and we stand here now as free and consenting
boyfriends." Adoration spread across his face as he added, "He's why I'm happy
and living now. He's everything."
Grantaire's mom hugged Enjolras so enthusiastically he felt like he was being
tackled. "You saved my son's life! You saved him and he's happy and going to be
okay because of you, oh God I'm so sorry-"
"Mom, it's okay! I'm just so glad to see you, I never thought I'd see you
again." Grantaire hugged them both and Enjolras had trouble breathing for a few
moments.
"Its good to see you two reunited." Enjolras gasped for air when he was
released and smiled at the two of them hugging and kissing each other's cheeks.
"If you want to do some catching up, I can make you something, or you can look
at the garden in the back for privacy, or there's a library-"
Grantaire's mom shook her head. "No, I want you to be with us, if it's okay
with Grantaire."
"Yeah of course! Enjolras knows pretty much everything there is to know about
me."
"My name is Lillian," said Grantaire's mother, hugging Enjolras again but this
time making it a much gentler and enjoyable experience. "And you're a son to
me. You're the light of my son's life and that makes you important. You should
know me, for better or worse."
"Okay." Enjolras was still trying to get over his shock and gradually relaxed.
"I'm honored to meet you."
Lillian sniffled and shook her head again. "I let my son be taken from me. I
let all of this happen to him, I'm no honor to meet. You help people. You're
the honor."
Grantaire held her hand and they curled up together on the couch, alternating
between crying and smiling. Lillian had divorced Grantaire's father within a
month of him being sold and was inconsolable when she found out Grantaire had
been illegally used for sex from the beginning, having no period of happiness
or humanity before Enjolras.
"Is Sylvie okay?" asked Grantaire, leaning his head close to hers.
"She's in college now. She was never the same after you were gone though,
especially once she was old enough to know. I wanted to bring her with me, but
I had to be sure it was you."
Enjolras politely asked, "Who's Sylvie?"
"My little sister. She's four years younger than me. I've missed her so much!"
Bennett came in with an empty plate from his lunch and did a double take at
seeing Grantaire and his mother. "What's- who's this?"
"Grantaire's long lost mom," said Enjolras. "She couldn't find him after the
cover ups Grantaire's first few owners did and his family thought he was dead,
until yesterday."
"Oh, that's wonderful that you're reunited!" Bennett beamed at them. "Grantaire
is very special to me. He's like a son."
Lillian was blushing slightly at Bennett and replied, "Me too. I mean, he's
like a son to me. He is my son. I- uh, I gave birth to him."
Grantaire laughed and so did she, Bennett settling down on her other side.
"What do you mean when you say you're gender fluid, R?" asked Lillian.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm a boy, and sometimes I feel like I'm a girl. I feel
more comfortable being viewed as different genders at times, and I know it's
weird but it feels so good to be able to fully express myself through my
identity and to put words to it. I feel at home in my body this way."
Grantaire's smile faltered and he felt worried. "Is that okay?"
"Of course." Lillian kissed his forehead. "I shall love you as my son and my
daughter."
Enjolras winced as pain blossomed in his chest, seeing the two of them
together. Tears ran down his face and the three of them looked at him in
concern. "I'm happy," said Enjolras, as he wiped some of the tears away. "This
is why I do what I do, to see people happy and reunited and to have their lives
back."
"I cannot thank you enough," said Lillian.
Enjolras stood up and gave them all a smile. "But I need to go on a walk and
just have some time. It's been a very emotional time for me, but I'm
overjoyed."
It was all true, but not why he was crying or why his chest ached so badly. He
put his coat on and left the house, heading down to a biking trail in a forest
near his home to walk on.
Enjolras could never have what Grantaire had. He never thought of his mother as
a friend and he couldn't stomach the idea of cuddling up to either of his
parents for comfort like Grantaire could. He didn't have a family.
He sank down on the side of the dirt path and fully broke down crying. It
finally hit him that he was alone. Grantaire and Bennett had each other and
Lillian, Combeferre and Courfeyrac were dating each other like the rest of
everyone he knew were.
His phone buzzed and his ringtone played. Enjolras pulled his phone out of his
pocket and looked at it blankly before answering. "Hi."
"Hey Enjolras, when are you going to be back? We don't want to have dinner
without you."
"I'll be there soon."
Enjolras glumly walked home and tried to make it seem like he hadn't been
sobbing. He opened the door and Bennett was there, immediately pulling him into
a hug. "Enjolras, it's alright."
"Hey Enjolras!" Courfeyrac appeared behind Bennett and Enjolras felt his
spirits lift.
"Hey Courf. What's going on?"
Bennett smoothed Enjolras's hair and said gently, "I know you've been feeling
lonely, and that you're still in shock over what's happened and that seeing R's
mom triggered some things, and I wanted to prove to you that you DO have a
family."
"Enjolras is here!" Combeferre and Grantaire ran out from the dining room area
and the rest of Enjolras's friends were behind them, Joly holding a frozen
yogurt cake and all of them looking cheerful.
"Enj, you really should've let us know you needed company sooner, we all
thought you were just swamped with work."
"Yeah, we never got to celebrate with you!"
"You can call me anytime, okay?"
"We missed you but didn't want to push."
Enjolras was amazed at himself for crying again, this time purely out of
happiness as he hugged all of his friends and talked to them, realizing that
he'd isolated himself far too much.
Eponine was there as well, looking healthy and rosy cheeked as she laughed and
talked with everyone, the bitterness gone from her spirit but a determination
in her demeanor to replace it. Feuilly found a better job and told Enjolras
about it excitedly.
Grantaire's sister arrived and had much of the same reactions his mother had,
hugging and kissing Grantaire and Enjolras.
Grantaire hugged Enjolras close in the middle of the party and kissed his lips.
"See? You're not alone. You never will be."
"I know that now. I love you so much." Enjolras touched his forehead to
Grantaire's. "If they want to, your mom and sister can move in with us. They
can join our fight."
"I like that."
Grantaire looked so different from when Enjolras had first met him. Not only in
his appearance, but in his eyes and mannerisms. Enjolras stroked Grantaire's
cheek and smiled so hard his face hurt at the fact that Grantaire no longer
felt afraid of being loved or being near Enjolras. "I want to spend every day
with you for the rest of my life."
"Me too." Grantaire held Enjolras's hand and kissed the back of it. "I want to
get down on one knee for you, someday."
"Why wait?"
It was impulsive, but he knew his answer would always be the same. Grantaire
brightened and looked happier than he'd ever seen. Enjolras let tears roll down
his face as Grantaire knelt down in front of him, still holding Enjolras's
hand. Enjolras laughed as people formed a circle around them all of them
staring.
"Enjolras, the love of my life. I want to make you a promise in front of our
friends and family who all love us so much, that we'll never be apart, and that
our souls will be joined forever. Maybe not today, but someday, when the world
is brighter. Will you marry me?"
"Yes."
Chapter End Notes
     Stay tuned for an epilogue!
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