Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/ works/3154166. Rating: Explicit Archive Warning: Rape/Non-Con, Underage Category: F/M, M/M Fandom: Shingeki_no_Kyojin_|_Attack_on_Titan Relationship: Minor_Springles, mentioned_jean/marco, accused_Eren/Armin Character: Armin_Arlert, Eren_Jaeger, Mikasa_Ackerman, Erwin_Smith, Sasha_Braus, Krista_Lenz_|_Historia_Reiss, Ymir, Jean_Kirchstein, Connie_Springer, Bertholdt_Hoover, Reiner_Braun, Armin_Arlert's_Parents, Moblit_Berner Additional Tags: Homophobic_Slurs, Emotional/Psychological_Abuse, Emotional_Hurt/Comfort, Manipulation, Suicidal_Thoughts, Rape_Aftermath, Threats_of_Rape/Non-Con Series: Part 6 of Pain_is_Just_Weakness Stats: Published: 2015-01-10 Completed: 2015-07-15 Chapters: 4/4 Words: 8812 ****** He Won't Let Go ****** by AlvaDomer Summary In the aftermath of what was supposed a time of innocent amusement, Eren and Mikasa are left to try and help Armin pick up the broken pieces of his psyche. But the commander makes sure Armin remembers he still has a story to tell. Notes I can't even begin to apologize for this story. Warnings: there will be rape, so if you're triggered, I beg you to avoid this story, or at least be extremely careful. And Jean is a complete asshole. ***** Stray *****                 “I’m just saying, he’s pretty cute,” Sasha gushed as she pulled off her white blouse.                   “Ooooh, look at her blush!” Krista laughed. “You really do like him, don’t you?”                   “Connie is the least endowed of all of them,” Mikasa deadpanned. As every girl froze, the clothes she wore were the only things that changed. Her lips never so much as twitched, but her black eyes were shining.                   “How would you know?” Sasha fired back.                   “Oh my God, Mikasa you looked?” Krista cried, bringing a small hand to her mouth. They all knew that half the time, the stoic girl was snuggled up between her adopted brothers. But never once had any of them thought that she had even glanced at any of their bunk-mates.                   “How big is Eren?” Ymir chimed in, stretched out on her bunk with her chin resting in one hand.                   Mikasa’s yellow-tinged skin was suddenly burning furiously. “He’s—”                   BANG!                   The barracks were enveloped in screaming as the door burst open. Sasha flung her open shirt back over her chest, Krista yanked the blanket off her bed so that she couldn’t be seen standing in her underwear, and Mikasa already had the knife from under her pillow in her hand.                   “What the fuck, Eren?!” Sasha snarled, and instead of staring at the teenage boy who had barged into the girls’ quarters, they all stared at her. Eren had managed to make always-polite, overly-formal Sasha swear.                   “Mikasa, we have to go!” Eren demanded, green eyes never leaving his sister’s even gaze.                   “What’s going on?” Krista asked, watching nervously as Mikasa flipped her scarf over her shoulder. The blonde girl went ignored as she and Eren started back out the door.                   “Hey!” Ymir called, and the siblings froze. “Mikasa? At least put on some pants.”                   After waiting impatiently for Mikasa to slide on her white uniform bottoms, Eren snatched her hand; a move that, after years of knowing her brother, she could respond to on autopilot. He no longer sent her reeling when he tried to drag her behind him.                   She didn’t need to bother asking what was going on. Mikasa figured it out instantly and counted down the seconds silently to Eren’s explanation. “Erwin brought Armin to HQ,” he nearly snarled, and Mikasa’s stomach churned as he choked out, “he said we should be thankful that Armin is able to walk.”                   “Disgusting,” Mikasa murmured through bared teeth.                   “I know,” he growled back.                   Eren shoved the heavy wooden door to one of the back entrances open, their boots clattering against the stone floors of the Survey Corps nerve center. “Did the Commander say where?” Mikasa asked quietly as their sprint slowed to a halt. Her brother glanced left and right frantically, trapped in the center of four separate corridors.                   “Uh, I think he said—this one!” he suddenly cried, and bolted down a hallway to the left. So far his impulsive directions hadn’t failed him, and they weren’t about to start now. Not when Armin became involved.                   Stars glittered mockingly joyful in the infinite black sky through the enormous windows they ran past; the hall only lit by small torches and bright moonlight. A night like this belonged in a romance novel, not this fucked up excuse of a life that had become their reality.                   “Why the hell would Erwin just dump Armin like a damn stray?” Eren spat as they continued down the secluded corridor.                   “It would look bad if he was admitted to the infirmary after spending time alone with the Commander,” Mikasa replied flatly. Eren had adapted to her personality just as much as she had his; Mikasa may have sounded careless, but he knew she was burning with just as much rage as he was. He didn’t even have to look in her eyes to feel it radiating off her.                   Eren’s ears perked like an animal’s as he picked up nearly inaudible crying. He thought he had been sprinting until he realized who he heard. “ARMIN!” Eren and Mikasa cried in unison, darting toward the curled up figure hiding in a small shadow.                   The blonde was tucked tightly into himself, squeezing his legs tightly as he buried his face in his knees, shoulders shaking with each shuddering breath. He whimpered at the sound of his friends’ footsteps, and Eren gritted his teeth as he realized Armin thought it was because one of them was Erwin coming back.                   “Armin, it’s okay, it’s us,” Mikasa soothed, stooping to one knee beside him.                   “M…Mikasa?” Armin rasped, looking up slowly. He didn’t even seem to believe it was them. Because no one ever came to save him. Why would they start now?                   “Yes,” she replied, not daring to try to give him any sort of comforting touch. Eren stared at the horrible sadness in Mikasa’s eyes and wanted to roar and wail and hunt Erwin down to strangle that bastard with his own intestines. But Armin. He could barely bring himself to look at the hollow shell on the floor.                   That didn’t keep Eren from dropping down beside him. “Armin, I swear to God I won’t ever let anything like that ever happen to you again!” Eren’s promise was a cross between a snarl and a sob. His best friend sniffled but said nothing.                   “We’ll make sure there isn’t a next time,” Mikasa added firmly. Once more, she didn’t try to touch him, but Eren reassuringly wrapped his hand around Armin’s own. It was a gamble, but Armin didn’t panic. He only closed his eyes, entire face twisted in shame. He was making his friends worry about him. Again.                   Eren finally noticed Armin’s index finger, scarlet liquid flowing from the missing nail. “Fuck, you’re bleeding,” Eren hissed, clutching Armin’s hand tightly in his own. The instant those words slipped through his mouth, his eyes darted downward. His stomach churned as he tried to decide whether the fact he couldn’t see the seat of Armin’s pants was a good thing or not.                   “What do you need?” Mikasa asked instantly.                   “Iodine swabs, scissors, and gauze,” Eren ordered, pulling off his jacket. She gave him a curt nod and vanished with a swish of her scarf. They both knew Eren couldn’t be half as silent as his sister, and she could easily convince anyone not to report her in case she was somehow caught “borrowing” the medical supplies.                   Eren took hold of his jacket sleeve and pushed it down against Armin’s wounded finger. Despite the pressure, Armin didn’t so much as flinch. Taking a deep breath, Eren couldn’t keep his voice from shaking as he swore, “If, if there is a next time, I’ll protect you for sure, even if I have to become a Titan, I’ll do it if it means you—”                   “Don’t worry Eren, I like it,” Armin chirped as he flashed a pearly white China doll smile.                   “Armin,” Eren gasped in horror, but the blonde only tilted his head, never blinking.                   “I like it,” he repeated cheerfully. He slowly brought his hands to his head. “I like it! I like it-I like it-I like it,” he began singing over and over, yanking at his hair as even more tears began streaming down his face. He never stopped grinning.                   “Hey, hey, snap out of it, Ar!” Eren cried, shaking him violently by the shoulders. He giggled, the bright blue in his eyes dimmed. They matched his manufactured smile; two glass orbs that could have been stuck in that same doll. This wasn’t Armin.                   “I like it!” Before Eren knew it, tears were welling in his own eyes.                   “Stop it, Armin,” he whimpered.                   But again he piped the same three words. “I like it!”                   “Please Armin, stop sayin’ that,” Eren whispered, staring at his best friend in horror. No-wait, was this really his best friend, crying and laughing before him now? “Armin, please! Get ahold of yourself!”                   “Haha! I like it-I like it-I-”                   SMACK!                   Hyperventilating, Eren’s hand remained high in the air after he ripped it across Armin’s face.                   Neither boy was moving except for their heaving chests; neither made a sound except for their harsh panting. They simply stared at each other. Eren was just as shocked as Armin. While Armin’s lips were only parted slightly, Eren’s jaw was practically hitting the floor. Did I actually just hit him?!                   Armin brought a trembling hand to his cheek, staring at the red fluid from the raised welt that began to bleed. Hurt me…hurt me…he-he wants to hurt me! Armin’s quivering thoughts screamed. Hurt me…hurt me-hurt me-hurt me he’s going to hurt me!                   The tortured little blonde spun on a dime, dashing as fast as he possibly could. “Armin, wait!” Eren cried frantically. Armin couldn’t be alone again after everything that happened. “Please, I’m sorry!”                   Powerful quads and calves worked together to chase after the crying boy. Eren was superior to his best friend in every physical form—everyone was—and overtook him with such ease it was almost absurd. He wrapped his arms around Armin’s chest from behind, pinning his arms to his sides. “Let go! LET GO!” Armin shrieked, thrashing violently.                   “Armin, Armin please calm down! I-I didn’t mean to, I swear!” Eren cried pathetically. As the boy wore himself out, chest heaving and voice dying, Eren whirled him around. “Look—I’m so sorry, please, you gotta believe me!”                   The blonde’s blue eyes reflected those of a dead fish. They were glazed over; unfocused; blinded by trauma; all light departed. The brunette was his trigger. It was the last straw; he snapped. “Eren! EREN, help me, PLEASE!” he shrieked, and tears began racing down his best friend’s face.                   “No, no, Armin, it’s me! It’s Eren—I’m Eren!” Eren sobbed weakly, green eyes glassy as he shook Armin back and forth. It seemed to be the only thing that ever snapped him back to his senses.                   But this time was different. Armin threw his head back and let out heart shattering wails.                   “HE WON’T LET-he won’t let-” his voice slowly dropped away, and Armin sunk into another nerve-wracking silence. Eren let go of Armin's shoulders, unsure of what he was waiting for.                   Taking several stumbling steps forward, Armin’s head dropped limply against Eren’s chest.                   It seemed like hours that they stood together like that; Armin’s hyperventilating calming, his screams melting into quiet sobs, arms hanging limply at his sides as he pressed his forehead against Eren’s green shirt.                   Moving slowly to not scare the small blonde, Eren delicately placed his hands around Armin’s back, pulling him into a gentle hug. “You’re right, Armin. Don’t worry; I won’t let go.” ***** Stars ***** Chapter Summary After turning toward the sky, Armin must combat an entirely knew enemy along with Eren: rumors. Chapter Notes Jean is a complete ass (pun intended) in this chapter. Eren goes too far, but let's be real, Jean had it comin. As for the field medicine, I used WWII tactics. It seems pretty advanced for this time period, but they've already developed a form of gasoline that let's them propel through the air, so in the end I think it's plausible. Warning: Slurs are in this chapter                 “Hey Ar? Are you, um, are you…are you doin’ any better?” Eren finally asked awkwardly. It was a fucking stupid question that he knew Armin wouldn’t grace with an answer. The blonde still in his arms didn’t even nod. The silence from the boy who had once been so overflowing with life, so eager to spread his knowledge and become the best soldier he could possibly be; it tore Eren to shreds more effectively than a Titan ever could.                   “Here,” Mikasa was suddenly murmuring, and Armin flinched against Eren’s hug as the brunette practically screamed.                   “Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Mikasa! A little warnin’ next time?!” Eren cried. Despite the heavy leather boots, she hadn’t managed to make a sound against the limestone. It was both impressive and terrifying.                   “Sorry,” she murmured, averting her gaze. Eren only sighed, slowly letting go of Armin. A bitterly relieved smile tugged at his lips as he saw she had unsurprisingly been successful in getting the medical supplies. That, coupled with the fact that their best friend had at least stopped blurting hysterically was, well, the most he could expect after…                   Eren wanted to puke.                   He held himself together and took the field medicine from Mikasa. He could stay strong, at least for Armi—Who am I fucking kidding? Eren wanted to snarl. He had just broken down like a helpless child and struck his best friend. The only blessing he could count was that Mikasa wasn’t there to see it. She would have surely torn him apart, whether Armin was watching or not. They couldn’t allow themselves to be divided now, and yet Eren couldn’t keep the thoughts at bay that Armin would probably be better off without a pathetic asshole like him, who couldn’t manage to bring a sword down on his attacker no matter how much Eren wanted to.                   What am I so fuckin’ afraid of? Eren wondered, gut twisting in self-loathing. And Armin thought he was the one who was useless.                   At least Eren could do this one thing for Armin. “This is goin’ to sting,” Eren warned, but Armin only continued to stare through him blankly. Is this what a broken soul looks like?                   Grabbing the scissors, Eren snipped off the tip of one of the swabs, applying it to the injury that probably felt like a damn joke to Armin after what—Don’t think about it, Eren thought, as if avoiding it would bring back the blonde’s virginity.                   Mikasa watched with rapt attention as she wordlessly thanked whatever deity above that Eren was a doctor’s son. He unraveled a length of gauze, applying a layer of the antiseptic over the bandage before wrapping it tightly around Armin’s finger. He snapped off another piece and tied it in a square knot to keep the first bandage in place. At least the blonde’s right hand would be alright. For all his passionate promises, Eren couldn’t convince himself about the rest of Armin. Some shitty friend I am.                   “Come on Armin, you need sleep,” Mikasa announced gently, and took Armin’s hand in her own. Eren quickly took the other, and the led the numb, stumbling blonde back out into the crisp clear night.                   Stars. So many stars. The captivating streak of the Milky Way across the sky was suddenly all Armin could see. He could vaguely remember sitting in Mom’s lap, burrowing into her embrace as they snuggled by the fire. He listened with mild fascination as she stroked his hair and explained how the sky had gained a new star; that even though Grandpa was sad, Armin didn’t need to be, because Grandma’s soul had joined the others high above. He couldn’t decide what he was willing to give up to be wrapped back up in those loving arms; so warm; so understanding; so forgiving. Listening to how she explained everything so easily, how she made it so easy to understand, as Dad would chime in on occasion; both of them telling him stories about what was supposed to be beyond the Walls, and he devoured every word that Grandpa’s book could never compare to; the stories he would race to find Eren and parrot back the next day. Armin just wanted Mom’s hugs and Dad’s smiles. He didn’t care how beautiful they were; why did his parents have to join those twinkling lights?                   So many stars. So many souls. If he left, would they let him in?                   No.                   They would all be so disappointed. So damn disgusted. He could hear them now. Erwin Smith, your own commander. Reiner Braun, your own brother in arms. How could you let them do this to you?You deserve this. You deserve this. You deserve this.                   “I’ll join you later.” Mikasa’s voice suddenly broke in. Was she having the same thoughts as him?! Armin shook his head. No, no, she and Eren had been having a conversation this whole time. Good. At least they would’ve been too distracted to read his mind. Armin didn’t need them to be any more disappointed with him too.                   As they approached the boys’ quarters, faces lit up by the yellow light shining from the warped-glass windows, Eren turned to him. “Armin, will you be okay to go in by yourself?”                   Again, not so much as a shake of his head. Armin simply swayed forward obediently, vanishing inside as he struggled not to carry along his thousand yard stare.                   Eren looked to Mikasa and found himself fighting back new tears. Before he could start the same abhorred thoughts, he found his own expression reflected in his sister’s face. She was just as close to crying as he was.                   What the hell was Erwin getting out of doing this to Armin—to them?   Of course, he knew.                   He knew how the commander only saw the arguably younger version of himself as a good fuck. How the goddamn sadist got off on the power trip of being impossible to report. How he could do whatever he wanted and flaunt it in Eren’s and Mikasa’s faces, fucking daring them to do something that would only result in an execution. And it wouldn’t be Erwin’s.                   “Mikasa?” Eren’s voice cracked. “What…what do we do?”                   “We protect him,” she replied decisively. As if it was actually that fucking simple.                   “Dammit, Mikasa!” he couldn’t keep himself from snapping. “How?! How do you expect me to keep that bastard’s hands off Armin?! I—he—” What am I even saying? Why am I yelling at her? He couldn’t stop. “Every time I want to do somethin’ about it, Armin begs me not to and-and how the hell can I say no?! Mikasa, Erwin has been rapin’ Armin, and he said if I told, he would fucking kill him!”                   There it was.                   The confession.                   Eren finally admitted it.                   Shit. Shit shit shit. What did I do? What have I done? he thought, plunged into a horrified haze. If the commander found out…found out what he had just done…Armin…                   It wasn’t like Mikasa didn’t know, and yet she stared at him as if she thought Erwin had only been pulling Armin aside for tea parties. “Erwin is actually…he really…” she whispered.                   “I fuckin’ walked in on it.” Eren had already dug Armin’s grave; might as well carve the gravestone too. Because that was how he promised to protect Armin.                   “How long?” she rasped.                   It was revolting that Eren even had to pause to count the days. “He…he never actually told me when it started. At least since this past month,” he spat.                   “Eren?” he couldn’t remember the last time he had heard her so terrifyingly vulnerable. “I don’t know. I don’t know what we do.”                   Armin stumbled into the barracks, unsure whether he was wiping anymore tears from his eyes or just sheer exhaustion. He was running out of tears to spill. “Where have you been?” Reiner asked, halfway through pulling off his shirt. Almost everyone had already changed into their nightclothes.                   “Meeting,” Armin mumbled, delicately sliding off his jacket.                   “Dude, your pants are unbuttoned,” Connie pointed out bluntly.                   Gasping slightly, Armin didn’t even bother with fixing them. They would just get ripped open again anyway.                   “Meeting, huh?” Jean snickered from his bunk over Connie’s. Armin nodded vigorously, keeping his eyes glued to the floor.                   “If you’ve been in a meeting this whole time, then I’m the Armored Titan,” Reiner snorted. Jean cut Armin off before the boy could cry out anything.                   “Have you guys seen his limp?!” Jean howled, the amount of laughter in the room rising fast. “You’re not fooling anyone, Armin!” The little blonde remained silent, palms hanging limply at his hips. “The way you always go off with Eren! You don’t think we know that—”                   “What about me?” Eren asked, stalking through the door after parting ways with Mikasa.                   “We’re talkin’ about how you’re fuckin’ Armin!” Connie informed him gleefully.                   “What the hell?!” Eren cried, jaw dropping with shock. “What the fuck would give you that idea?! He’s practically my brother!”                   “Listen to how defensive he gets!” Reiner sneered.                   “Burn in Hell, you dicks,” Eren spat, but he and Armin were only enveloped in more laughter. The blonde remained silent, staring through the floor. That’s what he always did; he always just took it. But Eren wasn’t about to back down. “You’re all perverts! No way I’d ever touch Armin!”                   “Pfft, you’re a lying faggot,” Jean sniggered, propping himself up on one elbow. “I bet you ride Arlert like a fucking stallion.” Noiseless tears began trickling down Armin’s face.                   “Big talk from horse-face who fucked Marco twenty-four seven!” Eren fired back.                   Jean bolted upright, baring his teeth. “Shut the fuck up, Jaeger!” he snarled.                   “You think we couldn’t hear you making him moan like a whore?” Eren jeered, eyes sparkling with cruel amusement.                   “Eren,” Armin whimpered. “Please…stop…please…”                   “Goddammit Armin! You can’t just lie down and…take it…” Eren realized his words instantly. Shit.                   “Yeah Armin! Put up a fight! I bet the Lance Corporal’s bitch loves it rough!”                   “That’s too far, Jean.” Bertholdt was the one who spoke up softly.                   “Ah, come on Bertl, he’s just joking,” Reiner laughed.                   “Well it’s not fuckin’ funny,” Eren growled.                   “Damn Eren, you and Bertl both need to learn to laugh a little. No one actually gives a fuck what you two do in supply closets,” Reiner scoffed.                   “Maybe I would if anyone here had a damn sense of humor,” Eren hissed, but a loose grip on his sleeve had his bristling rage dead in an instant. He glanced over at Armin, and he felt his shoulders slump in defeat. Eren couldn’t do this to him. “I just wanted to fuckin’ defend you!” Eren wanted to cry, but instead he only mumbled, “Sorry, Ar.”                   Armin only shrugged and pulled his nightclothes out from under his pillow. How can he stay so…? Eren wasn’t sure how exactly Armin was acting. It was almost as if the boy was in a trance, expressionless and yet teary-eyed in unison as he went through his nightly routine stiffly.                   Eren couldn’t figure out if he was envious or unnerved by Armin’s…apathy? Lifelessness? Submission? Armin himself probably didn’t even know.                   The blonde simply slid under the covers, changing beneath the sheets so that the other boys couldn’t see his bruises. “What, got something to be ashamed of?” Jean mocked.                   “Yeah. The fact he tries to treat you with one ounce of goddamn respect,” Eren fired back instantly. Armin rolled over, his back to the brunette. That was all Eren needed to snap his jaw shut. From now on, Iwillstay strong, he declared to himself, and the fire in Eren’s green eyes made the others fall just as silent. They all knew some sort of resolution had been made, and it wasn’t worth lighting Eren’s short fuse by prodding. Climbing onto his mattress next to Armin’s, Eren called, “Night, assholes.”                   “Ah fuck you, Jaeger.”                   Eren heard Armin suddenly snort, and grinned to himself as the kerosene lamp was put out.                   There was hope for them yet. ***** Bandages ***** Chapter Summary Nightmares don't end when Armin wakes up. Chapter Notes So at the beginning, Eren is a complete ass in this chapter (again) because Jean was a complete ass in this chapter (again). As far as Armin's nightmare goes, calling out to his parents shows just how heavy a toll this is taking on him mentally.                 The barracks were enveloped in soft slumber, save for Reiner’s snoring and a rouge cricket chirping at the window.   Armin let out a tiny, restless moan. Broken images; dashed remnants; like shattered glass they seared through his brain until he could feel absolutely nothing except…                   …Huh…there it was again, and it was only growing, festering until it took over Armin’s entire body; still it came in violent, confusing flashes. There it was again; Armin could smell him clearly, orange citrus contrasting sharply against a mixture of dirt and sweat; he could hear him snickering in between grunts and growls; a flighting fragment of hot breath against his face; and then—suddenly Armin let out a sharp cry as he felt a fingernail rip loose across the man’s back; he cringed when he heard a horrifying snap, trembling with the same terror of a snared rabbit as his sleeve was ripped from his shirt. And then the sensation of a thousand knives ripping through him. He could feel those eyes searing into every inch of his being as the man listened to Armin’s every sound, his grip only growing stronger with each shriek; Dear Lord, how much longer would he have to scream?! His vision flickered from nothingness to brightness, until it became nothing but touch; grabbing; grabbing; nothing but hands. Why wouldn’t anyone help him?! Wasn’t there anyone who would always come to save him?!                   “MOM?! DAD?!” Armin suddenly shrieked, bolting upright. Every pair of eyes burst open as the nighttime silence was shattered.                   Eren rolled over and had the blonde by the shoulders in an instant. “Armin! Armin, calm down, it’s okay!” The brunette’s grip remained gentle, and Armin hiccupped as tears trailed down his swollen cheeks.                   “Ugh, what the hell, Armin?” Jean groaned, burying his head under his pillow.                   Others began to rise as Connie lit the kerosene lamp. “Fuck you,” Eren snarled, holding Armin’s hand with one of his own while rubbing Armin’s back with the other. A slick layer of sweat had soaked through Armin’s sleep shirt. “Like you’ve never had nightmares before!” Eren couldn’t tell whether it was concern or fear that gripped his heart. The little blonde hadn’t called out for his parents since the boys were small. Usually it was Eren’s name.                   “At least I don’t have to wake up the whole goddamn squad,” Jean fired back from under the straw-stuffed fabric.                   “Really?! You think we can’t fuckin’ hear you?” Eren sneered. “Marco! Marco!” he cried mockingly, earning a face-full of Jean’s pillow as it was fired across the room.                   “Shut the hell up, you son of a bitch!” Jean snarled, and gripping the wooden rail beside his bed, he swung his legs over and leapt from his top bunk.                   Armin slid out of bed, darting between them with a hand on each of their chests. “Wait sto-”                   He was too late.                   WHAM!                   Jean twirled on his heel and dropped like a rock. But no one seemed to notice the soldier on the floor, fresh blood oozing from his recently-healed broken nose.                   Five pairs of eyes remained on Mikasa, frozen on her fist in a lethal combination of admiration, terror, and pure awe.                   None were more dangerously entranced than Eren and Armin. “Damn. Perfect timing,” Eren broke the stunned silence with a lopsided grin.                   Mikasa ignored him, but her eyes were gleaming with satisfaction. “Armin, are you alright?” she asked, not bothering to step over Jean. Her boot dug into his gut as she crossed over to the blonde.                   Armin nodded slowly, peeking around her at the body on the floor. “I…I think Jean…I think he needs…” it was obvious that the struggle was almost painful for him to form a complete sentence. He stopped trying as soon as Mikasa set a gentle hand on his shoulder.                   “Does he need to be taken to the infirmary? Yes or no?” she asked firmly. Another hesitant nod. “Reiner, Bertholdt, take him,” Mikasa ordered bluntly. Neither boy put up an argument, scrambling down the bunk bed ladder to obey her command. As they heaved him up by his arms and legs, Mikasa turned to address the remaining boys. “Let’s get some rest. We’re going to need it.”                   “No kidding! When he finds out about this, Captain Levi…” Connie’s voice trailed off as both Mikasa and Eren’s eyes burned into him. “I’m sure everything will be fine,” he mumbled.   …                   “Um, excuse me everyone,” a soft voice called. “It’s time to get up.”                   “…the Hell?” Eren grumbled, sitting up slowly. He only grew more confused at the sight of the tall, brown-eyed brunette in the doorway. “Private Moblit, what’re you doin’ here?”                   “Yeah, where-where’s Captain Levi?” Connie chimed in through an obnoxiously loud yawn.                   “Oh, he—” Moblit started.                   “Oh shit! Why aren’t you with Squad Leader Hanji?!” Eren blurted.                   “Well, I—” Moblit didn’t get to finish.                   “When you aren’t around, things…happen,” Reiner interjected.                   Moblit let out a worn sigh that immediately flooded everyone with sympathy. “Trust me, I know,” he groaned. “Which is why I need you all out of bed as quickly as possible. Lance Corporal Levi wants you all in front of the infirmary.” After a chorus of sleepy replies, Moblit gave them a satisfied nod and left, apparently trusting a group of teenagers to get up on their own. If their captain hadn’t been Levi, he never would have been so lucky.                   “You know, I could get use to this,” Connie sighed, taking his time to finally push himself out of bed.                   “Did he just not care that Mikasa is here?” Eren couldn’t help but ask, waving to the girl on the other side of Armin.                   “Has the midget ever cared?” Mikasa returned evenly.                   “Okay, fair enough,” her brother replied with a shrug, and rolled off the mattress. Armin climbed out after him silently, cringing with soreness only his two best friends thought to question. But that was a conversation for another time. And then came Mikasa. None of the boys had any qualms with changing in front of her any longer, so it was a fairly simple process to change; someone forgetting where they put their pants or trying to put on another person’s boots; but the task was still completed with record laziness.                   They shuffled out stiffly, full of stretches and yawns. “How are you?” Mikasa asked quietly, brushing her fingers on Armin’s elbow.                   “I…yeah…” Armin mumbled, already trailing behind the others. Despite how carefully he was examining the dirt, he didn’t miss the gaze she tossed at Eren. All I do is make them worry, he thought bitterly. But in all honesty, Armin couldn’t blame them. He was the one left with a limp, covered in bruises, bleeding at random. What else should he expect from them?                   Eren took his hand and gave him a smile. It would have been encouraging if it wasn’t so horrifically sad. But before Armin could try to comfort him, as if he ever could, their captain came into view. They filed into their line, mandatory salutes at their chest.                   “Good morning, Cap—” several of the boys started. But all went quiet as they saw the enraged glower etched across the Lance Corporal’s face.                   “Which one of you fucktards was it?” Levi growled, eyes scanning each cadet.                   “U-um, Sir?” Eren was brave enough to ask. The rest of the question hung silently in the air: What did we do?                   “If it was any other one of you I’d think you were playing dumb. But since its Jaeger, it looks like I have to fucking spell it out for you.” He paused, as if expecting one of his soldiers to suddenly fall to their knees and beg for forgiveness. “Supplies were stolen. Medical supplies.”                   No one so much as dared to breathe.                   “Now if this was just another instance of some stolen soap or a missing MRE, I might let you idiots scathe by with using your tongues for latrine duty. But unfortunately for you, that isn’t the fucking case. There are lives riding on each of those goddamn bandages, and if I find out it was one of you who took it for a fucking game, I’ll teach you why gauze is so fucking important.”                   All eyes remained trained on Levi. Eren, Mikasa, and Armin couldn’t afford to so much as glance at each other at a moment like this. Looking to another one of their squad mates would only incriminate them in their enraged captain’s eyes; and in Armin’s case, Levi would be right.                   As much as he wanted to just run and hide, Armin knew he couldn’t. He never could. But all the evidence the lance corporal needed was right there. Armin was saluting with his right hand. He couldn’t hide it behind his back unless Levi ordered at ease. He obviously hadn’t, so Armin knew exactly what Eren was thinking: we’re fucked.                   “As far as the records are aware,” Levi continued, “the useless fuckwads of teenage hormones that happen to be my squad are the only ones who either entered, or exited the infirmary this morning!” Levi snarled.                   Suddenly it was taking everything Armin had not to tremble; not to so much as cringe. There wasn’t a single hand on his body except his own, and yet all he wanted to do was spin around run. Levi’s gray gaze had locked down directly on his own; unflinching; unfeeling.                   He noticed. He had to. There was no way he couldn’t!                   Levi’s lips remained parted, and Armin silently counted down the seconds to being called out. Five…four…three…two…His fists squeezed even tighter in apprehension at his captain’s enraged bellowing.                   “As I was saying,” Levi continued to snarl, going on with his rant as if he hadn’t found his culprit.                   “Eren Jaeger and Armin Arlert?” the sudden call interjected, and all eyes were on the Scout running up to the rank.                   “Present!” both boys chirped instantly, stiffening in their salutes.                   “Your audience is requested by the Commander.” ***** A Story ***** Chapter Summary Armin gets to tell Eren his tale once and for all. Chapter Notes First of all, a warning for graphic rape in this chapter. But I've also got something that I need to say: Jesus FUCK you guys!! I NEVER imagined I'd have over 100 subscribers, NEVER, and yet, HERE WE FUCKIN ARE! I meant to post this when I was 100, but I was too slow and I've never been happier! So here's to you, you amazing people! *raises glass* Here's to the readers! Here's to the fellow fanfiction writers who read my stories! Here's to the people I've inspired! Here's the people who leave the sweetest comments, who support me and look past my shit characterization! Here's to the people who never comment, who are too embarrassed or ashamed, know that you're always welcome and appreciated! Here's to all of you, who I could never do this without! I love each and every single one of you, and I could never thank you enough for sharing my writing journey so far! So buckle up friends, we've still got a long way to go! See the end of the chapter for more notes                 As soon as the office door slammed shut behind them, Eren whirled around, snarling, “We didn’t tell anyone shit!”                   Erwin looked up calmly, setting his pen aside to fold his hands on his desk politely. “I never asked you if you did,” their commander replied smoothly, and Eren wasn’t sure whether he wanted to punch that pretentious prick or himself in the dick. “I simply wanted to hear your side of the story.” the boys exchanged confused glances.                   “Story? What fuckin’ story?” Eren scoffed.                   “What happened around two this morning, of course,” Erwin explained pleasantly. The brunette glanced at Armin warily. “That’s one of the only things I would like to know.”                   Stepping further in front of Armin protectively, Eren’s green eyes narrowed, sparking with rage. But if that’s all it would take to get his best friend out, he would gladly open his mouth. So Eren took a steadying breath, and began. “Say shit get hit, that’s all there is to it. Jean was an asshole and almost punched Armin. So I punched him first. That’s all that happened. Happy?” he spat. Mikasa didn’t need to get dragged into this. He would gladly take the fall for her.                   “Not quite,” Erwin murmured, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. “You see Eren, your friend owes me a favor. I happened across him and your sister at the festival being accosted by several…undesirables. In exchange for his rescue, Cadet Arlert has agreed to do as I asked him.”                   “The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Eren growled, widening his stance in case of attack.                   But the commander’s answer was a simple one. Innocent sounding, even. “Not to worry, a story will be more than sufficient.”                   What does he…? Eren started to wonder, only to snort, “What’s with you and stories today?”                   “Well, Armin has been meaning to tell you one for quite some time. But I have a hunch he hasn’t managed a word of it yet.” His eyes locked onto the little blonde’s. “Have you, Cadet?”                   “I…um, I—” Armin sputtered.                   “Shut up Armin, you don’t have to say shit,” Eren growled, intensity in his eyes only mounting.                   “Cadet,” Erwin called sweetly, locking eyes with Armin, “I won’t bend you over my desk if you tell him everything.” He then looked to Eren. “Either of you.”                   It didn’t seem possible that Armin could grow any paler, but he managed, jaw dropping as any remaining color vanished from his face. Eren hardly managed any better. He could only stare at Erwin in disbelief. “You sick motherfucker! You wouldn’t!” Eren finally roared. “Why won’t you just leave him alone?!”                   “I’m a human being with very human needs,” Erwin explained calmly, beckoning the blonde toward him. “Armin does an incredible job satisfying them.” At the sound of a tiny whimper, Eren’s gaze snapped from their commander to his best friend. Armin’s lower lip was trembling, blue eyes wide with fear, but still he stepped forward obediently. “Come, take a seat,” Erwin said with a deceivingly trustworthy laugh, and patted his lap.                   “Armin don’t!” Eren snarled. “If you make him do one goddamn thing, I’ll tell everyone!” The commander never so much as blinked. “I mean it! Every goddamn soul will know if you—“                   “I’m not giving the same order twice, Arlert,” Erwin stated flatly, tapping an impatient finger on the arm of his chair.                   “I’m going to—” Eren started, only to fall silent as Armin brushed past him.                   Armin dropped onto Erwin’s lap obediently, face blank and body quivering. “That’s a good boy,” the man praised, fingers trailing from Armin’s temple down his throat. Eren hadn’t even realized that his hand was already at his lips until Erwin was murmuring, “Not the wisest of choices. Unless you want to bring the ceiling down on both of us.” He swept his hand out in a grand gesture, purring, “Go ahead, be my guest. Is your little revenge stunt worth the life of your best friend?” Armin’s short, shuddering breaths were the only thing attempting to break the horrible silence. “That’s what I thought,” Erwin sneered, tracing Armin’s spine. “Anyway, what is it that you would like to tell Cadet Jaeger?”                  Eren tried to speak, but words were spilling out of a mouth before they could ever leave his own. “He...he,” Armin swallowed thickly, rasping, “made me say I liked it.”                  “You—” Eren managed, only to drop off into a stunned, “what?”                  “He touched me and made me say I liked it,” Armin repeated, his voice just as lifeless as his eyes. No…no…no, no, no, Eren thought over and over, his entire body flooded with confusion.                  Armin flinched, going completely rigid as Erwin’s fingers snaked beneath his uniform. All the white, Erwin purred, “And you did, didn't you Cadet?”                  “I…I…yes…” Armin whispered, staring through the floor.                   “Of course. And howdid I touch you?” Erwin hummed, groping Armin shamelessly.                  “You…” Armin couldn’t speak, but Eren found that he couldn’t move. Just a few centimeters and he could rip a chunk of flesh from his own hand. He could transform and end it all now. He could save one of the only two people he couldn’t live without, fuck the consequences. If he moved fast enough, he could save Armin, right?! Foolproof plan! Armin would be fine! There would be other commanders. The current one deserved the worst possible death.                  But Eren did nothing. Why? Why can’t I move? he thought frantically, listening to Armin’s pathetic whimpers as Erwin jerked the little blonde’s legs farther apart. “Speak up, Cadet. Your best friend is waiting,” Erwin sneered, other hand slipping under Armin’s shirt. Eren knew when the bastard found Armin’s nipple, because the boy’s small cries broke into a sharp squeak. “Neither of you are leaving this room until the Hope of Humanity knows what happened.”                  Eren watched his hand drop limply to his side as Armin mumbled, “You…grabbed me.” Erwin gave him an a patronizing hum and an approving nod, so Armin tried to his best to continue, hardly audible, “You grabbed me and…and you ripped my p-pants.” the ghost of a sob slipped through his lips at the last word, his entire body trembling. I’m so fucking weak, Armin and Eren thought in unison.                  “What happened after that, Arlert?” the commander’s voice was dark and rich and sinfully smooth. Armin’s flush grew even brighter, the tears lacing his eyelashes threatening to fall.                  “You…” Armin’s mouth was moving, but no words could escape his lips. The only sounds he made were those of quiet, struggling breaths as he tried his damndest to speak. Even though his voice was hardly audible, the words seemed to echo in Eren’s ears as Armin choked out, “You raped me…” The first tear rolled down his cheek.                  “Oh, you can do better than that.” Erwin almost sounded disappointed as his hands explored the curves of Armin’s body. "Tell him how my cock fills you up, stretches you; how your muscles shiver and strain under the pressure, ripping even more every time; how I fuck you until you can’t walk. And you let me..."                  “Shut up!” Eren tried to snarl, but it came out a horrified rasp that he could hardly hear leave his own lips. It wasn’t surprising that neither blond listened.                   And that was when Armin finally broke. “H-he…he threw me…o- onto the table…and he…he…” Eren remained in place despite how Armin began crying softly. “He didn’t use lube,” he added in a pathetic whisper.                  Erwin only hummed with pleasure. “That’s exactly right, Cadet,” he crooned, “don’t you lovehow I make you bleed?”                   "Yes." Armin sounded dead. It must have not been convincing enough, because Erwin frowned, and took his hands off the boy's body.                   “Strip.” With one blunt word, Armin slid off Erwin’s lap and began peeling off his boots.                   “What the fuck, Armin?! You can’t—don’t just—” Eren began to roar, but every word died on his tongue as his gaze met Armin’s. He never knew that someone with a beating heart could still have eyes that were so hollow. Armin was a walking anomaly; somehow dead yet possessing a pulse. He stared through Eren blindly, waiting for the brunette to continue hollering.                   But Eren was frozen. What was there to say? What could he possibly say that could get Armin away from the goddamn sociopath smirking in his seat?                   “Armin? I’m waiting,” Erwin practically sang, and Armin blinked once, slowly, registering the unspoken command. A small clunk accompanied each boot being tossed on the floor, and it took everything in his power for Eren to not just heave Armin over his shoulder and run. “Good. Now your shirt.”                   “You don’t have to!” Eren repeated desperately, but his plea only earned Erwin’s deep laugh.                   “I seem to remember giving an order,” the commander sneered as Armin’s hands continued to fumble with the small buttons down his torso. But by the last clasp, his hands were trembling so violently that his fingers couldn’t so much as grasp the little button.                  “Here, let me help you,” Erwin cooed, almost completely enveloping Armin’s hands in his own. He worked the boy’s fingers expertly, easily freeing the last fastening. “See, was that so hard?” he asked, as if speaking to a simple child.                  Eren’s fingernails dug into his palms until there was blood dripping from his hands. Maybe if he kept pressing deeper, it would trigger a transformation.                  "Now back on my lap, facing Eren," Erwin continued lightly, leaning against his chair casually.                  Lower lip trembling, Armin stumbled forward. Fight him. He's expecting you to do what you say. He'd never see it coming. Hit and run, just scratch him and get of here. You've done it before, it would be so easy, the thoughts raced through Armin's skull even as he obeyed the commander's order.                  With his knees at each side of Erwin's thighs, he remained hovering fearfully over the man's groin. No way he was going to sit--"Good job, Cadet," Erwin's sugar-sweet voice broke in. "Now you're going to ride my cock."                  His words ripped Armin's gaze from the floor back to Eren. He didn't think it was possible for Eren to look any more enraged...or scared. But he was, Eren so painfully was and Armin wanted nothing more than to disobey, to grab his hand and run like Mikasa had done. He wanted to be brave, to fight, to go and never look back.                  Which meant he remained completely still when Erwin reached beneath him for his own zipper.                  Armin looked to the paneled ceiling with the same desperate, childish logic of hiding under a blanket. If he couldn't see it, it couldn't hurt him. But the last place he wanted to be was under the sheets, and either way, it wouldn't protect him.                  Nothing would.                  Not any blanket, not his age, not his gender.                  Not Eren.                  "Look at him, Armin. He can't take his eyes off you," Erwin cooed, taking hold of the little blonde's hips. "You know how to ride my cock by now, don't you? Come on, put on a show--for him."                  Unable to squeeze a single breath down his throat, Armin managed to meet Eren's gaze. And instantly regretted it. Eren's green eyes were on fire with a horrifying combination of rage and fear that he had only ever seen at Trost. Right before he had almost been eaten.                  "The longer you stall, the more I'll make sure it hurts. Or do you want him to see your blood spill across my thighs?" Erwin asked calmly, never bringing a finger to Armin's hips.                  He's waiting for me to do it. Armin's eyes blew wide. It was either him or Eren. No. This was the commander they were talking about, he would probably hurt Eren and then go after himself again anyway. There was no way out of this. If I do this... Armin swallowed thickly, at least I can save you.                  Someone...someone like Eren, he was worth it. But Armin? Nothing. This didn't mean anything to anyone but Eren, maybe Mikasa if she really did figure it out. No one else cared what, or who the commander did behind closed doors. For Eren, giving in wasn't even a question.                  "Ah!" a sharp cry escaped Armin's lips as soon as he tried to lower himself onto Erwin's straining erection, the familiar burn bringing even more tears to his eyes.                  For some reason he had hoped for preparation. I'm even stupider than I thought, he realized, almost letting out a hysteric, broken laugh. Oh he middle of all this, right as he was being tortured in front of one of the only two people who cared about him. How useless could he get?                  Thighs quivering, he sucked in a sharp gasp and forced himself to sink lower. "Shi..." He almost cursed, but managed to bite his tongue. No. He had already shown enough weakness in front of Eren. Whether he looked at his best friend or not, Armin could feel Eren's eyes searing into his own. The pain that was only mounting in his groin could hardly rival the agony of having to display such pathetic surrender.                  This is the real me, Armin thought dryly. It was only a matter of time before Eren saw, before he knew. The pain, the inevitable blood, Armin deserved it. He couldn't escape it, might as well just get it over with anyway.                  One more slight whimper escaped his throat, but then he was able to shut himself up for good. At least the hard part was over.                   “Alert, why did you stop?” Erwin didn’t sound angry in the slightest. Only amused.                   he cringed at the sound of his name. “I…I…that’s it…” Armin whimpered, head tilted to the ceiling with his eyes squeezed shut in agony.                   “Arlert,” again that entertained tone, “that’s only the tip.”                   “It…it feels like the whole thing,” he whimpered. How could he sound so broken?!                  Eren let out a noise that sounded like half a sob and half the strangled cry of a dying animal. Please don't say anything, Armin silently pleaded. No matter what come out of Eren's impulsive mouth, he knew it would be something he couldn't handle.                  And like a mind reader, Eren remained speechless. Enraged tears were streaming down his face as he tried to choke down his whimpers, but he said nothing.                  Armin squeaked as Erwin suddenly took hold of his hips, yanking him downward. "AHH!" Armin couldn't bite it back, couldn't be strong like Eren was. There was no such thing as a truly dignified scream, but this came out a girlish squeal, a piglet's cry of pain.   "Come on Arlert, it's simple. Fuck yourself on my cock like a good little whore," the commander cooed, smiling as Armin sunk his nails into his legs. "I thought you didn't want Eren to go through this."                  "No," Eren and Armin rasped together. "You fucking son of a bitch," Eren hissed, taking a step forward.                  Erwin jerked Armin down to the base of his cock in one swift move. With a piercing shriek, Armin lurched forward, face contorted uncontrollably. "Good," the commander crooned, "now you should understand. Get to it before I change my mind about you."                  Eren, for Eren, Armin reminded himself yet again, repeating his name over and over in his head. On trembling legs, he managing to raise his hips.                  As soon as he moved, Armin swore he could feel that horrific tear. Whether he wanted to or not, working his muscles forced him to clench around Erwin's dick, only increasing the pain as the man groaned.                  Up and down he went as a slick sheen of sweat began coating his body. Blonde strands of hair were stuck to his burning face, trapped by the glistening beads. Tears trickled down his cerise cheeks. Even his heartbeat hurt as he felt the hot wetness of blood began pouring from his ass.                  Everything from the tips of his ears to his pale chest had burst into a flaming red, his mouth open to pant heavily with agony and exertion. Not only his rear, Armin's quads were screaming for him to stop, the motion already robbing him of what little strength he had left.                  His head flopping down weakly, Armin realized just how horrible what Eren was watching really was. Armin's own shaft was bouncing uselessly with each thrust he forced upon himself, a laughable mockery of what Erwin was endowed with.                  He really was pathetic in every conceivable way.                  "Go ahead Eren," Erwin suddenly gasped, his own face flushed, "you can tell us how much you like watching."                  Armin heard Eren suck in a sharp breath, only able to make out his form through blurry vision. "What...what the fuck...I don't..." Eren's rage sounded completely dead, replaced by nothing but horror.                  The commander was unfazed. Gripping the boy even tighter, he pulled Armin down again viciously. After waiting for Armin's scream to sink into a hurt groan, he simply asked sweetly, "I'm sorry, what was that?"                  "I...I..." I like it, Armin heard himself whimper in flashbacks of that night of the fair. "I...like. Watch...watch...ing..." Eren finally hissed through gritted teeth.                  Erwin grinned at him devilishly. "Maybe one day you can--oh / fuck/--get a taste of this ass for yourself." Before Eren got a chance to reply, the commander added, "And /you/," giving Armin a shake, "aren't you going to moan for him?"                  I have to...he's going to...I can't let him hurt Eren, Armin thought numbly, letting out a moan obediently. After several more, Erwin came with a low groan of his own. Semen pooled into his lap, a fresh layer over the blood that had already settled there.                  Then he threw Armin to the floor, ignoring the heavy thump and weak cry. With a nod to the boy curling up on the floor, Erwin hummed, "Go ahead and get him out of here."                  Eren raced forward instantly, scrambling for Armin's clothes as he dropped to the little blond's side. No, no-no-no, please Eren don't look at me, Armin wanted to beg, but his voice had abandoned him.                  He opened his mouth and Armin flinched, ready for the barrage of disgusted insults.                  "I'm going to get you out of here, okay?"                  Eren's voice was shaking, a stream of scarlet dribbling down his chin from where he had sunk his teeth into his lip.                  Armin said nothing; didn't so much as nod. He didn't need to. Eren helped him back into his uniform without a word, using a handkerchief from his pocket to mop up what he could.                  The commander simply watched, chin resting on his knuckles, softening dick still resting against his pant leg.                  "Let's go," Eren whispered, heaving Armin upright. The blond never had a chance at standing. "It's okay, you're okay, I've got you," Eren continued to soothe, somehow maintaining his self control. Instead he tugged Armin onto him for a piggyback ride. Anything to get him out of there.                  "I look forward to doing this again sometime," Erwin called after them as they made it to the door.                  "I hope someone rips through your spine and stabs you in the heart with your own three D-M-G," Eren hissed, tightening his grip on Armin's knees protectively before stalking out the door. "Let's just...do you want a shower...or something?" he asked awkwardly as they made their way down the hall.                  Armin didn't answer.                  Not that Eren expected any different, he just wasn't sure what exactly he was supposed to do next. How was he going to make sure Armin was okay? Could Armin be okay?                  As Armin buried his head in Eren's neck, Eren barely noticed him as they passed. It was Lance Corporal Levi. The man wasn't bothering to side- eye them. He was outright staring as they passed.                  "What the fuck are you staring at?!" Eren snarled, instantly regretting it as he felt Armin cringe against him.                  The lance corporal said nothing, simply sending one more unreadable glance their way before continuing onward.                  "Eren," Armin whispered, "we're not going to be okay." Chapter End Notes Thank you all so much. Please drop_by_the_archive_and_comment to let the author know if you enjoyed their work!