Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/631483.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Major_Character_Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      One_Direction_(Band)
  Relationship:
      Harry_Styles/Louis_Tomlinson, possible_later_Liam_Payne/_Zayn_Malik
  Character:
      Harry_Styles, Louis_Tomlinson, Anne_Cox, Jay_Tomlinson
  Additional Tags:
      louis_is_just_a_huge_mess
  Series:
      Part 1 of He_Who_Dares_To_Stand_Where_I_Stood
  Stats:
      Published: 2013-01-09 Chapters: 2/? Words: 3510
****** He Who Dares To Stand Where I Stood ******
by zaynfreakingmalik
Summary
     'The gunshot is loud, fascinatingly loud because Harry wasn’t even
     really expecting it, he didn’t know what he was expecting, but he was
     certain it was not this. He sees the moment Louis’ legs buckle and
     the boy is falling forward. Harry almost laughs because it’s like
     when they were younger and Louis would pretend to faint just so he
     could fall on top of Harry. It’s not as funny though when it’s
     suddenly like somebody pressed fast forward on Harry’s brain because
     everything is a blur and suddenly there’s so much noise- too much
     noise and Harry forgets how to breathe.'
Notes
     This is based off The Pact By Jodi Piccoult, so if you want spoilers,
     then read that book- because that's exactly how this fic will go
***** The beginning of the beginning and the end of the end *****
The gunshot is loud, fascinatingly loud because Harry wasn’t even really
expecting it, he didn’t know what he was expecting, but he was certain it was
not this. He sees the moment Louis’ legs buckle and the boy is falling forward.
Harry almost laughs because it’s like when they were younger and Louis would
pretend to faint just so he could fall on top of Harry. It’s not as funny
though when it’s suddenly like somebody pressed fast forward on Harry’s brain
because everything is a blur and suddenly there’s so much noise- too much noise
and Harry forgets how to breathe.
 
But Harry’s covered in Lou’s blood now and there are police sirens and the sky
is just swirling, blue with bright white. Clouds with stars and Harry thinks
he’s imagining the hands on his shoulders. He thinks he imagines how they run
to Louis, checking his body for ‘vitals’, as one doctor puts it.
Harry doesn’t talk, doesn’t say anything or notice or think or breathe until he
hears a clink of metal- as an officer cuffs Harry roughly, pushing him up
against the car. Harry’s vaguely aware of him dropping something on the
pavement with a clatter but he doesn’t really register it as the officer begins
to talk rough and quickly and the lights are still flashing blue and red in the
darkness.
 
“-You’re under arrest for the suspicion of murder-” The officer is calling out,
as if speaking to an audience, as if this is some wild, obscene prank and
Ashton Kutcher will jump out and say Harry has been punk’d.
Harry is frowning, confused and dazed and when he glances down at the pavement,
where he just dropped something- he feels bile rise to his throat.
There, on the pavement, still smoking slightly and with bright red blood stains
colouring the cool metal is a hand gun, looking violently out of place, and
without a doubt covered in Harry Styles’ fingerprints.
***
 
Fifteen Years Earlier:
Harry Styles was three when moving vans came down his street, stopping at the
door next to his. Panicked at the removal men, Harry ran to his mother, pulling
on her hand, alarmed.
 
“Mummy mummy mummy there are men over coming to kill!” Harry exclaims. Anne
barely bats an eye just smiles slightly and has to drag a frightened Harry
outside with her to where the scary men loom.
 
Another car has stopped next to the house now and Harry peeks out from his
mother’s leg, still feeling scared and nearing tears now because why is his
mummy trying to get him killed? When the car doors open though, a small yet
lanky kid tumbles out with a soccer ball and starts yelling as he runs over the
front lawn. Two taller and older looking people also open their own doors,
looking tired and sighing.
 
“Boo bear don’t break anything!” the older woman calls out. Harry cocks his
head to the side because Boo Bear is a strange name to have. When he looks up
his mumma is already in conversation with Boo Bears mummy. She’s stroking back
Harry’s thin curls absent mindedly and doesn’t notice when Harry slinks away
from her. The older man that exited the car before is helping move some boxes
into the house, calling out a few times. Harry blinks slowly before looking
over at where Boo Bear is kicking the ball at a fast pace, yelling to himself,
 
“Tomlinson drives it in- and he scores!” He makes noises with his mouth and
puts both his arms above his head, running around crazily now. Harry snickers
slightly. Boo bear immediately stops and looks around, his bright blue eyes
finding Harry’s immediately. He flushes a pink and crosses his arms over his
chest,
 
“Who are you?” He asks loudly with his chin up. This time Harry flushes.
 
“My name’s Harry but my mumma calls me Haz” Harry announces proudly. The boy
with hair that reminds Harry of a caramel apple he ate once, rolls his eyes.
 
“Thats a stupid name” He says matter of factly. Harry blinks, feeling tears
burn in the back of his eyes.
 
“My mummy likes it” He replies back quietly. The boy doesn’t say anything and
Harry still feels upset and the need to impress him now,
 
“Your name’s Boo Bear” Harry shoots back. Boo Bear goes aa bright red, right to
his ears and kicks at the grass angrily.
 
“No it’s not, idiot. It’s Lou-ee”
Harry raises an eyebrow,
 
“Lou-ee isn’t a name” He says doubtfully. This makes Lou-ee angrier.
“Neither is Harry”
 
“Loads of people have the name Harry”
 
“Well they’re all stupid as well then”
 
Harry opens his mouth to retort but his mumma is scooping him up now, saying
her goodbye’s to Lou-ee’s mum.
 
“Nice meeting you, Jay! Oh is this Louis then? He’s right adorable!” She
gushes, this makes Harry hate the boy more because his mum is only meant to
think and say that about *him*. He crosses his arms over his chest, looking
down at the ground stubbornly, refusing to say goodbye or even look at the dumb
Boo Bear as him and his mother trot back to their house.
***
 
Present:
Anne Cox chose to keep her maiden name long before Harry was born. Harry,
though, was a different story. He was a Styles. He looked it, even if he didn’t
act it. He had the dimples, and the beautiful green eyes. And the ability to
charm the pants off anybody. Harry would sometimes use his last name to be
cruel when him and Anne would get into more intense fights, which never
happened much- and Harry would always apologise profusely after for bringing it
up. That’s what made Anne know she had raised her son right, and that she would
love him no matter what because he had such a heart of gold.
Anne knew by now not to wait up for her son- he was 18, about to head to
College, and had been going steady with Anne’s best friend- Jay Tomlinson’s
son- Louis Tomlinson for a while now. Anne trusted him. However Anne was a late
sleeper, to be awake past midnight was a usual occurence for her.
 
Two policemen knocking on her front door just quarter past, however, was not a
usual occurence for her.
 
“Mrs Styles?” The shorter officer asked- he had a round earnest face and was
holding his hat at his chest, turning it anxiously in his stubby hands. Anne
felt her blood run cold and she gripped the doorway tighter.
 
“Cox” She said quietly. “I’m- i took my maiden name. Cox. It’s Ms now.” Anne
swallowed, looking to and from the earnest short policeman to the stone faced,
taller one standing behind him. The shorter policeman looks as nervous as Anne
feels.
 
“Sorry ma’am. We just wanted to report an incident that occured at around 11 30
PM.. Involving- involving your son, Harry Styles.” The policeman wasn’t meeting
Anne’s eyes now and she felt herself palen, her eyes burning with unshed tears.
 
“I- is- is he okay? Did- where is he?” Anne croaked. The stony faced policeman
took over.
 
“Ma’am your son is fine, however he is being held for questioning over at our
station down on Westbell End.” Anne felt her brow furrow. Questioning? What
possibly for? She hears a distant door bell and when she looks over to her
right she can just make out the Tomlinson’s porch light flash on. There’s an
identical police car parked outside their home as well and Anne feels like she
might throw up. She hugs her wrap to her skin tighter, looking back at the
officers.
 
“Questioning? I- i don’t understand” Anne says slowly, although her heart is
beginning to resume it’s normal pace now because Harry is alright. He is
healthy and alive and her only son will live to see another day. He’s a teenage
boy who got into a bit of a spot with the law- it’s no big deal. She hears Jay
open her front door, looking just as dishevelled and confused as Anne did. Anne
can see the two police officers begin to talk to her now too from the corner of
her eyes, both their hats in their hands. She tunes in halfway to what she
thinks is going to be some rubbish about drinking and driving but-
 
“Ma’am was your son close to Louis Tomlinson?” The stone face policeman asks,
his badge reads the new Lewitt. Anne blinks, she can see Jay shaking her head
now rapidly at what the police are telling her and Anne is wondering if it’s
really that bad- if her son and his boyfriend have gotten in that much trouble.
 
“Yes, they’re- they’re romantically involved, why?” Anne asks distractedly.
Lewitt takes a step closer to Anne, his grey eyes locked on her own soft brown
ones.
 
“Ma’am do you know what your son was doing today, at about half past 11? Do you
know he met up with Louis Tomlinson at Montgomery Park?” He’s picking up speed
now and Anne notices Jay is holding a shaking hand to her mouth as the
policemen continue to talk. Anne has half a mind to push her way to Jay and try
to comfort her because really- it’s Lou and Haz, whats’s the worst that could
happen?
 
“Are you aware that at forty past eleven tonight, your son was found with a gun
in his hand?”
 
Anne feels her neck snap as she turns to look back at Lewitt in absolute shock
 
“What? What did you just say?” She asks faintly, feeling like she might be
sick. She can hear Jay sobbing now, loud and hysterical enough to wake the
whole street and what did Louis and Harry do?
 
“Ma’am. Mr Styles was found with a handgun in his hand, at the scene of the
crime.”
 
“What- what crime? What are you talking about? I don’t understand”
 
“Your son is currently being held by the authorities under the suspicion of
first degree murder of one Louis James Tomlinson”
 
Anne feels like she can’t breathe. She can’t speak, or form thoughts and she
can’t even ask anything else because- murder? Louis? Harry wouldn’t… He
couldn’t have.
Anne looks back at Jay who has collapsed on the porch now, on her knee’s, her
entire body shaking with her sobs and Anne feels sick to her stomach, because
yes, her son might be under arrest and accused of murdering his boyfriend- but
at least she still had a healthy son who would live to see another day.
Unfortunately that was quite possibly something Jay Tomlinson would never have
again.
***** Chapter 2 *****
Chapter Summary
     “I don’t understand”
     “Of course you don’t, you’re a baby” Louis says this patronizingly
     and Harry feels his cheeks heat up,
     “I’m not!” he shouts hotly and Louis is smirking now.
     “Really? Then how do you make yourself feel happy, Curly?” Louis
     asks. Harry bites down on his plump, pink bottom lip, feeling scared
     on how to answer.
     “My mumma usually gives me hugs or buys me ice cream…” Harry trailed
     off, looking at his feet. Louis seems to take pity on the boy and
     sighs.
Fifteen Years Previously:
Harry was reluctant about seeing the silly soccer playing, caramel coloured
hair boy next door again. But unfortunately his mumma had become good friends
with Jay- Boo Bears mummy.
Harry was dragged along to evening tea over at theirs, Anne even dressing him
suitably and brushing through his small yet springy curls. Harry enterws the
quaint house, which smelled slightly and he could hear a baby screaming it’s
head off upstairs and then Jay was rushing towards them, pearly whites showing
as she hugged Harry’s mummy and pinched Harry’s cheek and usually Harry hates
that but Jay looks so nice and mummy like, and she offers him a cookie, so he
decides that she could possibly be alright.
“Lou-ee’s in his room if you wanted to play with him?” Jay questions Harry as
they sit down. Harry jumps up at the suggestion because yes Lou-ee is mean and
makes Harry sad but he doesn’t want to sit around and listen to boring grown up
talk. After listening intently to Jay’s instructions as to where Lou’s room is
(down the hall and second door to the not right), Harry is dashing over,
suddenly feeling nervous as he approaches the closed door that has soccer ball
drawings all over it and the name Louis hanging lopsided.
Harry frowns. What a strange way to spell a name. Harry isn’t sure he knows how
to pronounce it anymore, he’s pretty sure it’s meant to be like ‘lewis’ but he
doesn’t bother thinking too much as he slowly pushes the door open. He can hear
the mattress of the bed springing and small little sighs and grunts from the
bed. Harry feels his eyebrows knit together in confusion as he closes the door
behind him a bit more loudly then intended. Louis’ head pops up from under his
bunk bed covers and he looks murderous,
“You again” Louis groans, rolling over on his back, reaching to grab some
tissues from his spiderman nightstand
“What were you doing?” Harry asked slowly, confused. Louis rolled his eyes at
the child, despite being only a few years older.
“Making myself happy” he replies shortly, wiping his hands with the tissues.
Harry wrinkles his nose.
“I don’t understand” 
“Of course you don’t, you’re a baby” Louis says this patronizingly and Harry
feels his cheeks heat up,
“I’m not!” he shouts hotly and Louis is smirking now.
“Really? Then how do you make yourself feel happy, Curly?” Louis asks. Harry
bites down on his plump, pink bottom lip, feeling scared on how to answer.
“My mumma usually gives me hugs or buys me ice cream…” Harry trailed off,
looking at his feet. Louis seems to take pity on the boy and sighs.
“That’s what your mum does to make you happy. I mean what do you do to make you
happy?” Louis repeats, sitting up now, having cleaned himself up. 
Harry is unsure once more and doesn’t know how to answer so he just blinks,
feeling childish and silly. Louis pats the spot of bed next to him and Harry
ambles over as if scared Louis will change his mind.
“I- i don’t know” Harry mumbles shyly. Louis offers Harry a small smile.
“Want me to teach you?” He asks, looking smug. Harry nods immediately because
he doesn’t want Louis or anybody to think he’s a baby when he’s not- he can tie
his own shoe laces and everything!
“Okay.” Harry says. Louis’ pushing back the covers of his bedding now and Harry
feels his eyes draw down to where Louis’ trousers and briefs are bunched near
his knee’s. He looks soft and squishy and Harry’s about to reach out to touch
when he checks himself.
Louis reaches for Harry’s hand, placing it over his fleshy area and Harry feels
kind of wrong, almost guilty because he doesn’t think his mumma would want him
doing this.
“Is this- will we get in trouble?” Harry whispers. Louis shakes his head, his
eyes closed, a blissful smile as he moves Harry’s hand up and down the
thickness slowly.
“Your hands are nice” Louis says so quietly, so softly, that Harry is positive
he imagined it. Harry uncurls his fingers from around Louis, swallowing hard.
He can feel a heat in his own stomach now, he feels too hot for his skin and
he’s hard and pointing out through his trousers and he’s a tomato red, but when
Louis notices he just smiles.
“Just follow what i do to myself yeah? It’ll make you happy. Promise” Louis
beams, his own hand curling around himself now, he throws his head back,
beginning to pant and Harry feels himself twitch before beginning to touch
himself, as if scared of what might happen. However it feels amazing, the
tightness and hotness spreads and Harry feels like he’s afloat. He stuffs his
hand right down his boxers and starts doing the same fisting motions as Louis,
both of them panting in the small room and then Harry feels his toes curl in
and white stuff leaks out of him fast and hot. Harry jumps up, his hand shaking
from the white stuff because what the hell is that?! Louis is still pulling but
after a few more beats, white is trailing out of him as well and Louis looks
the happiest Harry has ever seen him. He opens his eyes lazily,
“Happy?” He asked giddily and Harry nods slowly because he is, it felt amazing
and Harry wants to do it over and over again and possibly never stop but it
feels like it’s meant to be their secret, their special moment shared, just the
two of them. Louis reaches over for the tissues once more and leans over to
wipe up Harry’s white stuff first.
“That happens when you get really happy” Louis says, tossing the tissues away
and working on himself again. Harry is pulling up his boxers once more and
nodding thoughtfully because it kind of makes sense.
Once Louis is clean as well he holds out his arms for Harry,
“You’re like a giant teddy bear” Louis giggles, but not meanly. “Will you hug
me, teddy? Make me even more happy?” and Harry practically races into Louis’
arms and it feels right because Louis is warm and smells nice, a bit like fruit
salad which Harry likes a lot and usually has two whole servings of. 
“You’re my new best friend” Louis announces happily and Harry feels his heart
soar and he turns to face Louis, his eyes alight.
“Really?!” He asks excitedly and Louis is grinning.
“We’ll have loads of fun! So long as you do what i say” Louis adds with a look,
“It’ll be just you and me Curly.”
 
Present:
“Tell me about Louis Tomlinson” The police officer sitting opposite Harry
speaks after a long beat of silence.
Harry hasn’t stopped shaking since they put him in the back of the car. His
mind is reeling and if he thinks about Louis- gone, he has trouble breathing.
They’re sitting in a small room together. Three wooden chairs and a metal
table. A recording stereo system propped up on a small bed side table.

“Harry. Tell us about Louis Tomlinson” The officer repeats, more slowly this
time. Harry feels tears burning his eyes but he refuses to cry because this
can’t be real, this can’t be happening. Harry doesn’t even understand how to
answer the question.
What do they want to know about Louis? What the hell would Harry tell them?
That Louis had once cut his own hair himself, but then had cried because it was
too short, and it wasn’t until Harry cut off his hair as well that he calmed
down? That Louis was ‘Tommo’ on the soccer field? Or that Louis had cried after
they had first made love because it had hurt but it was worth it because it was
with Harry? That Louis hated marshmallows except when they were in hot cocoa’s?
That Louis could type and text without even looking? That he used to cut up his
food and make a smiley face with it before he would eat it? Or that Louis got
sad, so sad to the point where not even Harry could cheer him up, whenever he
had to talk or think about the future? Harry didn’t know how to even begin
describing Louis. Louis was his heart and life and breath and everything and
now he was gone.Gonegonegonegone. Louis was his high points, and his low ones.
He was Harry’s first crush, first partner, first love. He was everything Harry
had never even known he had wanted and it was wrong for him to leave. It was
wrong for him to leave Harry because Harry had forgotten how to live without
him.
Louis was perfect for Harry. He was everything Harry wasn’t, and everything
that he was. He had the ability to make anybody smile. But also the horrible
ability to make anybody cry. His eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled
too widely. Whenever he would laugh he would look down at the ground as if
thinking laughing was a sin. Louis and Harry had gone through most of life
together. They had experienced everything, started and finished everything,
they had been so in love that they couldn’t see anything beyond themselves.
Louis had been Harry’s and Harry had been Louis’ and they had promised each
other forever. Forever felt incredibly short and unfair when Harry looked back
on it, on their time together, on their laughing or crying, in their fighting
or love making. Something seared in Harry’s stomach because- he was really
gone. There would be no evidence that Louis had ever even existed except the
memories Harry clung onto so dearly. Louis would be just another dead person,
among a million of million other dead people. Nobody would know of the love the
two had shared. Nobody would know that it physically hurt Harry to breathe and
talk and simply just live without Louis here. Louis had been the thing Harry
had looked forward to every single day, he had been the reason Harry bothered
waking and getting up in the morning. The reason Harry slept. 
But now- now Louis Tomlinson was gone. And Harry was alone.
It was then that Harry put his head down on the metal table and began to cry.
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