Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/289305.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Supernatural_RPF
  Relationship:
      Jensen_Ackles/Jared_Padalecki, Matt_Cohen/Mandy_Musgrave
  Character:
      Jensen_Ackles, Jared_Padalecki, Matt_Cohen, Katie_Cassidy, Mandy_Musgrave
  Additional Tags:
      Alternate_Universe_-_High_School, Homophobia, Religious_Themes_&
      References, Religious_Conflict, Minor_Violence, Angst
  Stats:
      Published: 2011-10-10 Chapters: 6/6 Words: 48414
****** Happy Plastic People ******
by anyothergirl415
Summary
     In the wake of his family’s hatred, Jared is left to deal with the
     pieces of himself. Being friends with a perfect Christian boy like
     Jensen is downright terrifying but Jared can’t seem to stay away.
***** Chapter 1 *****
The loud screech of tires on pavement was enough to draw Jared’s gaze up from
his Kindle and he jumped back, up onto the sidewalk just in time to avoid a
shiny red Ford Focus skidding to a stop in the parking spot he’d previously
been occupying. The blonde behind the wheel hardly looked his way, her
attention torn between gathering up her bag in the passenger seat and
chattering loudly into the phone pressed against her ear. Jared’s brows rose
and he turned away, scratching at the freshest ink along his arm even though he
knew he wasn’t supposed to, it was still healing after all.
As far as first impressions went, Jared wasn’t all that shocked that this was
his of Lockhart West High. His expectations weren’t anywhere close to promising
but then, there was very little about Lockhart, Texas that spoke of ideal to
Jared. Hell, there was little about life in general that Jared had any sort of
expectations or hope for outside the one steady thing Jared had learned already
from his seventeen years. Life fucking sucked.
Since he was only a few feet away from the front steps, Jared gave up on trying
to read any further and flicked the power switch on his Kindle, tucking it into
his backpack for safe keeping. The few occasional glances thrown his way were
curious, guarded, and maybe a little suspicious but that didn’t really surprise
him all that much. After all, Jared knew just what he looked like, it wasn’t
the way one should dress if they wanted to blend in, in a rural little Texan
town. Jared was simply done trying to blend in, he’d done that for years and
this was where it got him.
Bumfuck nowhere, the new kid his senior year to a high school that probably had
been the same kids all together since Kindergarten. People didn’t relocate to
Lockhart, Texas. You were born and raised there or you got shipped there
because you had no real choice in the matter.
Sick pervert.
“Dude, watch yourself.” A strong hand gripped Jared’s arm and Jared jerked back
from the touch automatically, overcompensating with a big step to the left so
he wouldn’t accidentally bump into the guy once more. The guy, a short haired
brunette wearing country stereotyped denim and plaid, laughed and lifted his
hands up in surrender. “Easy partner, just too early to be trampled on you
know? You’re new.”
Jared had no intentions of making friends here. Mainly because come May and
graduation, he had no intentions of staying here. And friends were always
curious, they asked questions, Jared didn’t want to go there. There might also
be the whole issue of his last set of friends stabbing him in the back the
moment they found out who he really was, but Jared was trying not to think so
much about that.
Anyway, talking with this kid, it wasn’t high up on Jared’s list. But despite
everything that had happened in the last few months, Jared had been raised with
good manners and those were ingrained enough he couldn’t bring himself to snub
the guy and just walk away. “Yeah. Sorry.”
“No biggie. I’m Matt. Want a guide to the Principal’s office?” Matt grinned at
him, gesturing toward the school as he stepped forward. Jared did need to know
where the Principal’s office was so he forced himself to nod and shoved his
hands into the wide pockets on his black pants. “What’s your name anyway?” Matt
asked as they headed into the school.
Jared looked around as they crossed the threshold. It was a lot like his old
school, the hallways lined with lockers, walls occasionally decorated with
banners showing support for the Lockhart Rangers and brightly colored papers
declaring a variety of clubs open for sign-ups. School may have only started a
couple of weeks ago but clearly this one was all about school spirit and
participation. Awesome.
“You do have a name, yeah?” Matt asked a few moments later and Jared looked
toward him.
He’d kind of forgotten that the boy had asked him a question. Apparently the
past few months had done damage to not only his sanity but his social skills as
well. “Yeah. Of course. I’m Jared.”
“Well, nice to meet you, Jared.” Matt dipped his head in a nod, continuing to
smile even as he weaved through students, occasionally lifting his hand in a
wave as people called out to him. “So where did you move fr-”
“Matthew Cohen!” A girl from down the hallway bellowed his name before breaking
into a run. Matt turned and crouched, bracing himself moments before the girl
leaped forward and tackled him in a hard hug.
Jared stared - lifting his hand to tuck dark hair behind his ear - until the
girl gripped Matt’s hair and tugged him down for a kiss that kind of looked a
little painful. Well, at least that answered the question of who the girl was.
Jared shifted uncomfortably in place, glancing down the hall and wondering if
he should just take his chances trying to find the office himself. It wasn’t
that big of a school, surely Jared could find it on his own.
“Morning, baby,” Matt murmured as they broke from the kiss. He bounced the girl
to his hip for a moment then set her down. “Oh hey, this is Jared. He’s new. I
was just taking him to Beaver’s office.”
“How sweet of you.” The girl beamed at her boyfriend then turned to Jared,
sticking her hand out. “Hi, I’m Mandy. Welcome to Lockhart.”
Jared glanced at the girl’s small hand and his heart panged for just a moment.
Her long dark hair and small frame reminded him so much of Sandy it was nearly
painful. Jared shoved past the emotion and forced another brief smile, shaking
the girl’s hand briefly then dropping it. “Hi. And uh, thanks.”
The hall echoed with a sharp trill and the bustling of students around them
picked up speed, causing Jared to instinctively step closer to the wall to try
and get out of the way. “Shit,” Matt groaned, walking backwards a few steps and
smiling sympathetically at Jared. “Sorry, I’ve got Smith first and she really
doesn’t like us late. But Beaver’s office is just down that way and to the
right, you can’t miss it.”
“Bye Jared, have a nice day!” Mandy called out, giving him another grin before
snatching her boyfriend’s hand and bouncing off down the hall with them.
Jared watched them go, watched all the other kids hurrying off to their
classes, and blew out a low sigh. He wasn’t ready for this: for a new school,
for trying to pretend like every part of him wasn’t aching. It really should
have been an omen for what was to come.
-= Jensen =-
Eyes continually sweeping from one pile of papers to another, Jensen easily
sorted the fliers in his hands, taking up a good portion of the lunch table in
front of him. This wasn’t all that unusual for him, Jensen usually had some
project going that ended up in him spreading out items over whatever flat
surface was in front of him, so when Katie dropped onto the bench across from
him she easily fit her lunch tray into place and made room.
“So I’m pretty sure I saw another one last night,” she said by way of a
greeting, snatching up her fork and digging into the small pile of macaroni and
cheese on her tray.
Jensen hummed and didn’t look up, pausing only long enough to push his glasses
further up his nose before grabbing the top paper on his pile and moving it to
the left.
“There were six lights and it was this weird, triangle shape. It was hovering
just over the Wilson farm for maybe ten minutes? I swear. Maybe even longer.”
Katie spoke around the food in her mouth, leaning toward Jensen across the
table and dropping her voice conspiratorially. “I think it knew I was
watching.”
This time, Jensen did look up, his hand hovering over the flier proudly
declaring 4H sign ups. “It knew you were watching? The six lights?”
“I’m serious Jensen.” Katie scowled for a moment then shook her head, blonde
hair flipping over her shoulders as she reached out for her carton of milk.
“UFOs are out there and they’re appearing with more frequency. We need to be
prepared for this. You need to be. Just because you’re pretty does not mean
your ass will be saved when the aliens take over.”
Jensen frowned at the word - ass, he wasn’t all that big on swearing if he
could help it - and resumed sorting the papers once more. “So the UFOs were
hovering over the Wilson’s farm because that’s essential in their world
conquering plans?”
“Oh shut up.” Jensen didn’t have to look up to feel Katie’s eye roll and he
smiled down at his papers. “Just remember, when we’re all being carted off by
extraterrestrial beings, I warned you. You’ll wish you’d listened to me then.”
“I’m sure when that day comes I’ll simply bask in self loathing before the
aliens kill me.” Jensen ducked slightly to hide his smirk, mostly to keep Katie
from smacking his arm as she tended to do. Sometimes it was fun just to play
along with the girl and her crazy little theories about the weirdest things.
Other times, Jensen couldn’t help wondering how they managed to stay friends at
all. “Good day so far?”
“Decent.” Katie shrugged, willing to allow the topic of UFOs hovering over corn
fields to be dropped. “There’s a new boy, have you seen him around? He was in
my history class.”
“Oh?” This had Jensen pausing once more and he looked up, eyes sweeping around
the cafeteria to see if he could spot any new faces. It wasn’t all that often
that new people moved to Lockhart and usually Jensen knew about them before it
happened. Mainly because his Father was the pastor at the largest church in
town and his Mother had this tendency to be the unofficial welcome committee.
“I didn’t know anyone had moved to town.”
“I don’t think they did. I mean, he did obviously but I think he has family
here or something. Mom didn’t mention selling any houses lately except that one
to the Harris’ last month.” Katie stuffed more mac’n’cheese into her mouth and
glanced over her shoulder as well before looking back. “You’d know if you saw
this guy though. He’s definitely, uh, different. He’s pretty tall, wearing all
black, black hair even with these weird red streaks. I saw a couple tattoos too
and I think he had an earring. Not someone you can miss.”
Jensen’s eyes widened slightly and his hands dropped to his lap, unconsciously
adjusting the edge of his sweater vest. It wasn’t like he didn’t know kids who
dressed like that existed, Jensen had seen them in movies and on TV, punk
rockers or emo kids, something like that. But there was no student like that in
Lockhart, seeing as most of them had been raised on farms, they didn’t even
really have what some places would classify as the rich kids. It was hard to
imagine what someone like this new boy would be like.
“Anyway, his name is Jared, and he was pretty quiet all through class. Doesn’t
look too happy to be here but guess I wouldn’t be either. Who the hell wants to
move to Lockhart?” Katie snorted into her food, scrunching up her face when
some sprayed out and landed on a stack of fliers about drama club. “Hey can I
get a ride home after school?”
Jensen was once more looking around the cafeteria, hoping to spot Jared just to
satisfy that little bit of curiosity from Katie’s description of him. When the
girl smacked his arm though he jerked his gaze to her and laughed. “Sorry.
Yeah, of course. I’ve got to run these papers to the office before class.”
Jensen stood and gathered up the files, turning them different directions to
keep their newly arranged piles in order. “Try not to get abducted before
Math.”
“Hardy har asshole,” Katie grumbled and tossed a carrot at him as he turned and
left, still laughing.
The hallways were mostly always abandoned during lunch, especially when the
weather was still nice enough for everyone to be taking advantage of it. So
Jensen didn’t bother looking up as he walked the familiar route to the main
office, shifting the last of the papers so they faced the same direction. As he
turned to head down the hall his foot hit something on the usually clear floor
and he tripped, arms flailing out as he tumbled down hard onto the tile with a
painful hiss.
Papers fluttered all around him but Jensen was a bit more focused on the pain
radiating from the place his nose smashed into the floor. “Oww.”
“Shit. God, fuck, sorry,” the panic of the boy’s voice was almost endearing
enough for Jensen to ignore the stream of words that had him flinching on
instinct.
“I’m good,” Jensen grumbled though he wasn’t entirely sure that he was. His
entire body was aching at the moment and he groaned as he rolled and flopped
onto his back. When he blinked his eyes open it was to find wide, hazel eyes
staring down at him. Jensen’s gaze flickered over the dark locks hanging in the
boy’s face, the occasional flecks of red, and he swallowed at the strange
mixture of emotions rising in him. “You must be Jared.”
Jared blinked and straightened up, taking a step back until Jensen could only
just see him from where he was sprawled. “God, small towns.”
“We like new people.” Jensen smiled weakly and pushed himself up to sitting,
his smile falling as he looked around at all the papers he’d worked so hard to
sort. “I didn’t hurt you did I?”
“No.” Jared shook his head, dipping down to start scooping up the papers.
“You’re the one who face planted into the floor. Sorry, again. The high price
of invisibility I guess.”
“I’d hardly say you’re invisible,” Jensen said softly, reaching out to grab at
the papers near him. “I should have been watching where I was going. Thanks for
helping me pick these up.” Jensen didn’t mention how he’d have to resort them
all, Jared was already looking pretty guilty about the entire thing as it was
and Jensen instantly felt a soft spot for the boy grow in him. Maybe he’d
inherited his Mom’s welcome wagon ways. “I’m Jensen, by the way.”
“Okay.” Jared stood, pushing at the papers until he had them in something like
a stack. He continued to stare as Jensen straightened up and turned to him,
giving Jensen the distinct straight out of a movie feeling. Jared’s eyes
widened for a moment then he thrust the papers out. “Here.”
Jensen’s lips twitched in a small smile and he adjusted his own pile of papers
to take Jared’s, flattening them against his chest to keep him in place.
“Great. I was just taking these to the office, do you want to-”
“I’ve gotta go.” Jared spun on the heels of his black converse, heading swiftly
down the hall and disappearing around the corner.
Jensen watched for longer than it made sense to - Jared had already vanished
after all - and that weird little smile lingered on his lips. The pain in his
nose didn’t feel so bad when he finally turned to head for the office once
more, but he wasn’t really sure he knew why.
-= Jared =-
There was very little - or nothing at all - that didn’t suck about Jared’s
first day at his new school. The entire thing had just been one mass of awkward
that left Jared so irritated by the time the final bell rang he kind of just
wanted to burst out the front doors and scream. He’d been stared at everywhere
he went, eyed suspiciously by the Principal for their entire meeting, not to
mention the whole nearly killing the pretty boy who did a spectacular swan dive
over his legs in the hall during lunch.
The pretty boy thing. Well, Jared just couldn’t really think about that.
That morning Jared had declined a ride to school even though the walk through
the edge of town and out to Uncle Jeff’s ranch took nearly forty five minutes.
Jared was just as glad for it now as he had been earlier, mainly because he
knew the first thing Jeff would be asking was how Jared’s day at school had
been and Jared really didn’t feel like answering.
Uncle Jeff wasn’t really Jared’s Uncle, but he’d grown up with Jared’s father
and was kind of like an adopted member of the family. He was also the only one
who’d been willing to take Jared after everything happened and not even Jared’s
real aunts and uncles had been up for that. In some ways Jared was thankful.
There were worse things that could have happened after all, like living on the
streets in downtown Austin where Jared would be forced to do things he really
wasn’t capable of just to get a meal.
So, Jared was grateful, but some part of him couldn’t help waiting for the
other shoe to drop. It didn’t make sense why Jeff would be the one to actually
open his doors, allow Jared to come and stay rent free, when the rest of
Jared’s family was prepared to erase his name from the family tree and pretend
he never existed. One of these days Jared was sure Jeff was going to barge into
his room and demand Jared start earning his keep somehow, or at least demand he
stop sitting around in the dark for hours and ignoring civilization like he had
for the good chunk of the last three months.
Jared was kicking rocks as hard as he could along his walk home, hands shoved
deep in his pockets, eyes fixed down on the cement. So he didn’t notice the car
pulling up at his side until someone was calling out for him.
“Hey! Jared! You want a ride?”
For a moment Jared froze, considering how many kids in the school might also
happened to be named Jared and happen to be walking nearby. He glanced over his
shoulder, found no one, and finally turned to the dark blue pickup parked in
the middle of the street. It was an older truck with one bench seat in the cab
and chipped paint along the sides and the passenger window was rolled down.
Jared watched sunshine catch for a moment on small wire frames as the pretty
boy from earlier leaned toward him.
“I just dropped my friend Katie off.” Jensen pointed back over his shoulder at
the house Jared had passed and smiled. “You want a lift home?”
“You don’t know where I live,” Jared stated because he couldn’t think of
anything else to say. He didn’t even really know where to start with this kid
and all his... ridiculousness. His perfectly combed hair, sparkly green eyes
behind neat frames, freckled cheeks, big lips, dark blue and green checkered
sweater vest and khakis. Fucking khakis. Jensen was like an Abercrombie and
Fitch model dressed by the Gap.
“Town’s only so big.” Jensen shrugged, his smile softening as he looked out the
front windshield and back. “Come on, it’s almost a hundred out and you’re
wearing all black, you’ve gotta be roastin’ something fierce.”
Jared would never be able to say what made it so easy to give and cross to the
pickup, looking away as Jensen gave him a bright victory grin. It wasn’t
actually that hard to figure out why Jensen was offering. Obviously the boy was
one of those prim and perfect types, he likely felt an obligation to be the one
genuinely decent person to extend friendship to Jared. Soon enough he’d
realized Jared wasn’t worth the time, or maybe one ride and Jensen would fill
that quota and consider his good karma in place for another job well done.
They sat for a few minutes in the truck in silence. Jared could hear the low
murmur of music from the radio but didn’t recognize the song. He stared out the
passenger window until the feel of Jensen’s eyes fixed on him finally made him
turn, arching his brows. “I’m pretty sure you have to put your foot on the gas
pedal to go.”
Jensen snorted a laugh and shook his head. “Not until you buckle up.”
Jared’s brows rose impossibly higher and he stared at Jensen for a few beats
then scoffed, stretching his arm across his chest to pull the belt over his
body and click it into place. Apparently pretty boy was really fucking weird.
What teenager insisted on seat belts anyway?
“So where do you live?” Jensen asked as he slipped the truck into drive and
started off down the road once more.
Sliding his backpack over his lap, Jared wrapped his arms tight around it and
looked out the window once more, watching the houses pass by. “Morgan Ranch. Do
you know it? It’s just up there some.”
“Yeah, I know it. Jeff lets me board my Arabian there. Do you help with the
horses? How long have you lived there? I go out there once a week at least and
I’ve never seen you.” Jensen rattled off the questions easily, alternating
glances between Jared and the road.
Jared blew out a low breath and rubbed along his brow. This was just why he’d
made the decision to avoid friendships. He didn’t need someone to interview
him, it had taken months for Jared to safely tuck everything away and even then
he wasn’t always sure he had it buried enough. But here he was, battling once
more with that long ingrained sense of manners, Jensen was giving him a ride
home after all. “I don’t and I’ve lived there since May. I stay inside mostly.”
“Oh, okay. Well my girl’s named Esther, if you ever wander out that way. You
can’t miss her, blackest, shiniest coat ever. So how do you know Jeff then? I
know he wasn’t ever married but of course that doesn’t mean anything, and it’s
probably not important to you at all.” Jensen laughed and Jared stared mainly
because there was a blush covering those freckled cheeks. Jensen was laughing
at himself, shaking his head and sliding fingers back through his previously
neatly placed hair.
Answering that time seemed to come a little easier. “He’s my Uncle. Not really
though, not by blood. But I grew up calling him Uncle Jeff.” Jared shrugged and
forced his gaze back to the window because Jensen was starting to look adorable
and no part of Jared was ready for that. He really couldn’t go there. Really.
“Gotcha.” Jensen dipped his head in a slow nod and Jared nearly held his
breath, waiting for the next round of question. Because there was so much
unexplained, Jensen had to be curious, who wouldn’t be?
Only, no more questions came. Jensen sank back slightly in his seat, letting
one hand drop to his lap and his fingers curling loosely over the wheel. He
drove with the familiarity of someone home grown in this town, that soft smile
playing across his lips, his hair slowly losing the last of its proper neatness
from the wind blowing through the open window. Jared was staring again and this
time he couldn’t seem to make himself look away.
Because, he didn’t even know this boy - he didn’t even want to know this boy -
but there was really no denying the gentle beauty of him. Like the late summer
sun was highlighting all the curves and lines of his smooth skin, giving him
some sort of angelic glow that just didn’t seem right for someone like Jared to
see. And the longer he stared the more his heart raced, his palms grew sweaty,
and something a little like fear caused his stomach to churn and twist
unpleasantly.
This couldn’t be happening again. Jared was supposed to leave all these
feelings behind with the family that didn’t want him and the life he’d never,
ever have again. It was almost painful, the panic that started to tighten
around his throat, and as Jensen slowed to turn down the long dirt drive to
Morgan Ranch Jared gasped and grabbed the door knob instead. “Let me out here.”
“What?” Jensen frowned and slowed to a stop, turning to face Jared in his seat.
“Hey, are you okay? You don’t look very good.”
“I gotta- I’m fine. I’ve just. I’m going to walk the rest of the way. It’s-”
Jared pushed the door open and lurched forward, only to be tugged back by the
seat belt still holding him firmly around the chest. Jared hissed and sat back,
hastily slapping at the buckle and all but falling out of the truck. He spun
quickly to shut the door behind and hesitated, caught by Jensen’s wide,
uncertain eyes. There was no way Jensen was hurt by this, that would be
ridiculous. “Thanks for the ride, Jensen. Sorry. I’ve just... I really have to
go.”
“Yeah, no, hey, it’s okay,” Jensen only slightly stumbled over his words,
ghosting fingers through his hair and giving Jared a small smile. “Well, maybe
I’ll see you at school tomorrow?”
Jared frowned down at his shoes, gaze lifting to the Ranch where he could just
see Jeff cross the drive, stopping to look their way. His fingers were starting
to sting from his tight grip on the door and his gaze inevitably turned back to
Jensen. “Right. See ya.”
Before anything more could be said, before he could feel any worse about this
entire thing, Jared shoved the door closed and headed swiftly up the long dirt
drive. He had no intentions of spending any more time with Jensen, the next day
or any day in the future. This was just some tiny little Texan town and Jared
couldn’t possibly imagine them reacting any better than anyone else he knew if
they learned the kinds of thoughts that he couldn’t stop racing through his
mind.
Jared kept his head down the entire walk to the main house, only vaguely
listening to Jensen’s truck as he backed up and took off down the road once
more. He could already smell the horses, the other animals Jeff kept around,
things that made up the basis of his new home but Jared could never really get
familiar with.
“Was that Jensen Ackles giving you a ride home?” Jeff asked as Jared got
closer. “I thought I recognized his truck.”
That tight feeling clutched at Jared’s throat again and his gaze snapped up,
his eyes widening for a moment. “Yeah. He was just being nice. He saw me
walking. It wasn’t- nothing happ- it was just a ride.”
Jeff’s expression softened and he stepped forward, shifting the bridle to his
free hand so he could squeeze Jared’s shoulder. “Jensen’s a good kid. He’d be a
good friend for you to make. That was nice of him to give you a ride.”
“I’m not really in the market for friends.” Jared stepped out of the man’s
touch and turned to the house.
“Jared,” Jeff called out as Jared headed up the front steps. Jared hesitated
but didn’t turn around, staring at the front door almost desperate to move
forward and hide safely inside. “How was school?”
Jared huffed and tilted his head to the side enough to catch Jeff’s boots
shifting in the dirt as he stepped closer. “Fine. I’ll be in my room when
dinner’s ready.”
“Okay. I’ll let you know.”
Jared nodded and moved forward again, trying not to sigh in relief when he
finally pushed the front door open, stepping out of the too bright Texas heat.
Jeff’s home had been a labor of love, something the man designed and mostly
built himself. Like Jensen had said before, Jeff had never been married, so the
house was very bachelor pad in that way. But there had been two extra bedrooms
and Jeff had allowed Jared to take one, even giving him a TV and computer,
something to keep in touch as Jeff said.
Closing his bedroom door slowly, Jared sank back against it and closed his
eyes. He hadn’t told Jeff at the time but he was pretty sure the man knew.
There was really no one for Jared to keep in touch with.
-= Jensen =-
“Did you know-”
“Thousands of documented reports of UFO sightings are reported each year? Yes,
Jensen, I did.”
“Jared lives with Jeff Morgan,” Jensen continued as if he weren’t interrupted.
It was pretty commonplace when it came to Katie.
“Jared? Oh, we met him yesterday,” Matt spoke around a fry, leaning against the
table to see Jensen around his girlfriend. “Goth kid, yeah? Real quiet and a
bit spacey?”
Jensen frowned, using his own fry to push the ketchup on his tray into a small
slime mountain. “I wouldn’t call him goth. I mean, just because he wears all
black, has tattoos and piercings and dyed hair, that doesn’t make him goth.
That’s like calling me a prep because I own a few sweater vests.”
Katie, Matt and Mandy exchanged looks then bursts into laughter. It brought a
blush to Jensen’s cheeks and he looked down at his tray. Maybe he just didn’t
understand the definition of these stereotypes all that well.
“Yeah, it does,” Katie managed through her laughter, wiping at the tears
forming under her eyes.
“A few sweater vests?” Mandy giggled, slumping heavily against Matt’s side like
the entire thing was too funny for her to handle.
“Anyway.” Jensen shot his friend’s under heated looks - it was pretty funny, he
had to admit - when the laughter continued too long and tossed a fry into his
mouth. “Jared lives with Jeff Morgan, old friend of the family or something.
Have any of you heard anything about him?”
Once more his three friends exchanged looks but there was a distinct lack of
laughter this time. Katie propped her elbows on the table and her chin in her
hands, fixing her gaze on Jensen with a knowing smile. “Jen, don’t do this.”
Jensen’s frown deepened and he pushed at the edge of his glasses uncertainly.
“What am I not doing?”
“You’re looking for a project,” Mandy informed with her own sympathetic smile.
“It’s Senior year, clubs will be winding down. It’s your last year in youth
group and you are looking for something to keep you from getting nostalgic or
sad about it all. You see Jared as someone you might be able to help and, you
know, fix. Bring him to Jesus or whatever it is you do.”
The very notion of what Mandy was suggesting made Jensen feel a little queasy
and he rubbed his brow. He’d never thought of it that way, he’d certainly not
considered fixing Jared. Who said the kid was even broken? Besides, well, the
obviousness of that fact when you looked at those poor haunted hazel eyes but
that wasn’t the issue here. “So, just because he looks different, I couldn’t
possibly just want to simply be his friend?”
“It doesn’t seem all that likely,” Matt mumbled, lifting his shoulders in a
shrug.
Jensen’s frowned deepened, shifting to something disapproving as he considered
his friends. “Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.”
Katie groaned and dropped her head onto the lunch table. “Don’t quote scripture
at us Jensen. Look, if you honestly aren’t interested in fixing up Jared, if
you just want to be his friend then we will support you. Just remember that not
everyone is ready for the higher road and you have to be okay with that.”
Jensen adored his friends, of course, he’d grown up with them and they were
very important to him, but he couldn’t explain this Jared thing to them. He
truly believed that some people came into your life for a reason and, somehow,
he already knew Jared was one of those people. Maybe Jensen would somehow help
Jared, maybe that’s why he’d tripped over the boy’s legs in some act of
otherworldly fate, but he wasn’t intending on starting a friendship with his
own agenda in mind.
“I promise you, Katie, I’m not keeping some people I’ve converted to
Christianity list and I’m not looking to add Jared too it. Trust me on this
one, I just feel like giving the kid a shot is the right thing to do.” Jensen
gave each of his friends a reassuring smile then turned back to his food.
Making the decision to try and befriend Jared already felt like the right one,
so Jensen really wasn’t all that concerned.
-===-
For someone so new to their school, and so different from anyone else already
there, Jensen thought Jared was doing a remarkable job at being hard to find.
He spent the good majority of Tuesday and Wednesday looking for the new boy,
even driving the same route after school just to see if he was walking once
more. If Jared was, he was clearly taking a different route.
It didn’t make any sense to Jensen. He hadn’t thought he’d done anything to
Jared that would explain his standoffish behavior. Sure, Jensen probably didn’t
look at all like the type of person Jared wanted to associate with, but it
wasn’t like Jared had a lot of options. That thought alone had Jensen frowning
though, because he kept insisting to Katie that they couldn’t stereotype Jared
and he found himself doing the same thing far too often. He didn’t even know
Jared, the boy really deserved better.
On Thursday, Jensen made it his personal mission to hunt Jared down. The school
wasn’t even really that big, there were only so many places he could be hiding,
and Katie - after much pestering - insisted he was in her class before lunch.
But it wasn’t until after the final bell that Jensen was finally able to spot
the shaggy mass of black and red hair as he weaved through students outside the
school building.
He had to jog to catch up with Jared - the boy’s long legs were moving with the
force of someone desperate to be off school grounds - and by the time he was
reaching out and snagging a black sleeve he was slightly winded. Sports of any
sort had never really been his strong suit and he held up a finger as Jared
turned to him with lifted brows, bending over to suck in a deep breath.
“I probably won’t catch you if you pass out, just so you know,” Jared warned,
his tone mostly flat but Jensen was pretty sure there was a hint of some
amusement to it.
Or possibly he was just hearing things, his blood rushing in his ears and all.
Another deep breath and Jensen straightened up, shoving his glasses up his nose
and giving Jared a wide smile. “I’m in worse physical shape than I realized. I
should start working out or something.” He kept smiling and Jared kept staring
and it took Jensen a moment to realize he was still holding the boy’s shirt
sleeve. Dropping his hand quickly, he stepped back and twitched the bottom edge
of his vest back into place. “Anyway. Hi. How’s it going?”
If it were possible - which Jensen was pretty sure it wasn’t - Jared’s brows
rose all the way up to his hairline. Clearly he must have thought Jensen was
running to catch up with him for something actually important, whatever that
could have been. “You exerted all that energy to ask me how it’s going?”
“I kept looking for you.” Jensen shrugged, dipping his head down to hide the
way his cheeks heated up at being called out on something that, by this point,
seemed a little ridiculous. Why was Jared making him blush anyway? “I mean,
around school, the last couple of days. I wanted to see if you were settling in
okay, with classes and all.”
Jared’s brows instantly pulled together this time and Jensen couldn’t really
help watching because the boy had one of the most expressive faces he’d ever
seen. The corners of his eyes crinkled slightly and his lips pursed in a frown
as he studied Jensen. “Are you student body President or something?”
“What? No. Why would you think that?” Jensen tried to keep his smile in place
but the longer Jared continued to look at him like he expected another head to
sprout out of his shoulder and start singing Justin Bieber, the harder it got.
“Why would you care if I’m settling in okay?” Jared’s frown deepened and he
stepped back, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Why were you hunting me
down?”
The skepticism from his friends was something Jensen accepted. It wasn’t all
that great but whatever, he’d gotten over it. Seeing that on Jared’s face
though, seeing more than that - something like fear and distrust that Jensen
couldn’t begin to guess the source of - was enough to knock the wind right out
of Jensen’s sails. He folded his arms over his chest protectively, suddenly
feeling more shy and uncertain than he could ever remember feeling before.
“You’re... new,” Jensen whispered, looking over at a few kids walking by then
turning his gaze back to Jared. He tried another small smile, hoping he could
prove to Jared somehow that he wasn’t working on some secret plan here. “I
thought maybe you could use a friend? And um, you seem interesting? So I
thought...”
“Yeah, well, you thought wrong.” Jared huffed and took another step back,
shaking his head once more. “I don’t need a friend. And I’m not worth getting
to know. So just... stop trying to find me or whatever.”
With that the boy turned and used his long legs once more, heading swiftly off
school grounds. Jensen could only stare at Jared’s retreating form, his mouth
slightly open in shock. It wasn’t so much Jared declaring he didn’t need a
friend - who didn’t need a friend in their life? - it was more the boy
insisting he wasn’t worth getting to know. When he’d said those words the pain
that had flashed through his hazel eyes had nearly stolen all the air from
Jensen’s lungs.
No part of him had been planning on fixing Jared but he was no longer sure if
that was an option or not. Because he wasn’t giving up on the boy just yet and
for some reason it seemed more important than ever.
-===-
The strong smell of garlic and grilled meat hit Jensen the moment he opened the
front door and, despite the way his heart was still aching softly from the
incident at the school, Jensen couldn’t help but smile. There was always
something comforting, reassuring, about coming home to the smell of dinner
cooking, knowing his family would all be gathering around the table soon and
enjoying each other’s company.
Jensen knew he was lucky. Not a lot of kids these days got to have the strong
family unit to depend on. Since he was a kid Jensen knew he could come to his
parents with anything. They would never judge him, would always hear him out,
and Jensen genuinely respected their opinions on whatever he was dealing with.
Which was likely why he was already planning on discussing Jared over the
course of dinner, maybe his parents could tell him if he was pushing things
when he really shouldn’t be.
The question was, if they did think he was asking too much of the boy, would he
listen to them this time? He didn’t want to leave Jared alone as the boy
insisted, he wanted to be given the chance to prove to Jared that maybe a
friend was exactly what he needed.
“Hey Mom,” Jensen called out as he stepped into the kitchen, walking around the
corner to plant a kiss on his mom’s cheek.
“Hey honey, how was school?” There was a soft smile on his mom’s face like
there always was. Donna Ackles was probably the happiest person Jensen knew,
even if she was in the middle of a disagreement with someone she still had that
hint of a smile. It was something Jensen never failed to marvel at.
Lifting his shoulders in a shrug, Jensen dropped his backpack on the counter
and reached into the bowl for a handful of grapes. “It was okay. How long until
dinner?”
Donna gave him a curious look but didn’t push, turning back to the grill pan
instead. “Not too long. Go ahead and put your bag in your room and wash up then
you can come help chop up some veggies for a salad.”
“Yes’m.” Jensen nodded and gave her a smile just so she’d stopped looking so
worried.
Jensen wished there was some logic to explain why his mind was so intently
focused on the whole Jared situation. He bounced between using the logic that
Jared intrigued him and worrying that Katie, Matt and Mandy had been right.
What if he really was simply getting worried about moving on from high school?
So he was looking for someone, or in this case someone, to keep his mind from
focusing on that truth.
But it wasn’t like Jensen had some real complex about graduating or something.
He was ready to grow up, to leave high school behind and get out in the real
world. As much as he loved his home town - its small, always welcoming mass -
Jensen knew there was so much more for him out there. He had plans to go to
college, find someone to settle down with, build himself a happy normal little
life just like the happy normal little life he had here.
Only... the more Jensen thought about it, the less he really knew what he
wanted with his future. Maybe he was searching for that answer and somehow the
Jared thing just came into all of that. Stranger things had happened, also
there was the likelihood if Jensen kept thinking this way he was going to give
himself some type of existential crisis.
Shaking away the thoughts, Jensen turned and headed swiftly out of his room,
stopping in the bathroom long enough to wash his hands before rejoining his mom
in the kitchen. It was easy to fall into the routine of cutting up vegetables,
listening to his mom talk about the kids at the day care she volunteers at and
the long call she’d had with Josh over his new classes this year. They’re
familiar things and they comfort Jensen because he’ll always have this, even
when he’s grown up and moved on, his mom will still be cooking dinner and
chattering away and Jensen can always come back to that.
Shortly before the steaks were done his dad turned up, Mackenzie behind him
still red flushed faced from her afternoon soccer practice. She hurried off to
clean up at Donna’s insistence and Jensen glanced up from the onions he was
cutting to watch his dad greet his mom with a hug and a kiss. They’re the kind
of couple that gives Jensen hope when it seems like the rest of the world can’t
make love and marriage stick. They’re the reason he wears the silver ring on
his right finger too, just for the hope that he’ll have something like that
some day.
A few minutes later they were all gathered around the table. Mackenzie was
babbling non-stop, about school and soccer and some boy in her class that
apparently thought it was funny to making farting noises all the time. Jensen
laughed with his parents and waited his turn, only speaking up when Mackenzie
paused to inhale a few pieces of meat.
“There’s a new kid at school,” he tried for casual but guesses from the curious
looks of his family, he failed. “His name is Jared. He’s... very different from
everyone else. I mean, he dresses different but it’s more than that. He acts
different. I tried to talk to him, even gave him a ride home, but today he told
me he doesn’t want any friends.” Jensen scrunched his face up as if he couldn’t
possibly understand the thought and shrugged. “Also he said he wasn’t worth
getting to know which made me sad.”
“Well,” Alan cleared his throat, poking his fork through his potatoes for a
moment before looking up. “Sounds like he’s got a lot of things going on in his
life. Maybe he’s having a hard time adjusting to the move. Maybe his family-”
“He moved in with Jeff Morgan,” Jensen interrupted and straightened in his
seat. He hadn’t really considered that angle yet but obviously, he should have
before. Jared wouldn’t just randomly go live with another adult. Maybe his
parents had passed away or something, that would explain all the black even. It
likely should have been enough logic to get Jensen to back off but if anything
he just wanted to push harder. “He seemed so sad, so lonely.”
“Jeff, huh?” Alan frowned slightly and looked away. “Oh. I see.” And Jensen had
been watching his father long enough - at home and Sunday morning church
sermons - he could tell when the man knew something. Jeff Morgan attended their
church, there was the very real possibility that the man had confided in Alan
at some point.
Jensen scooted forward in his chair and set his fork down. “You know about
Jared, don’t you? Did something happen? Did his family pass away?”
“Jensen, you know your father can’t talk about those kinds of things if it was
shared in private.” Donna frowned for a moment and reached out, patting
Jensen’s hand. “It’s sweet you’re taking such an interest in Jared honey but
maybe you should respect his wishes. Whatever he’s going through, I’m sure he
needs his time.”
“Actually,” Alan paused once more, this time to take a sip of his water, and
Jensen couldn’t resist staring expectantly at him. “You know, Jensen, of course
I want you to respect Jared’s wishes, but maybe you should try just a little
bit longer. I think you could really learn some things about yourself by
building a friendship with him.”
Jensen grinned down at his food, taking a large bite of steak in triumph. As he
chewed though, his dad’s words caught up to him, and his gaze snapped up. “What
do you mean I could learn things about myself? I... won’t he be learning things
from me?”
The smile on his father’s face was warm, knowing, and Jensen felt maybe a
little like he wasn’t at all prepared for what might happen. “Well, we’ll just
see, won’t we?”
-= Jared =-
Jared had known he shouldn’t have called.
But it was Megan’s birthday and the phone was sitting there mocking him and
Jared thought, maybe. People couldn’t really stay mad forever right? And your
little sister, she couldn’t just stop loving you right? No matter what you did,
you couldn’t really forever severe a deep rooted bond like that... right?
Wishful thinking.
“What gives you the right to call?” Sherri’s voice was a hiss in the phone and
Jared winced, staring at the blank wall of his bedroom as if it could give him
some type of comfort that was clearly missing from his mother’s voice.
“I... it’s Meg- Megan’s birthday. I just wanted to wish her a good day,” Jared
was practically whispering into the phone, not nearly strong enough to get any
confidence behind the words.
“And what makes you think she’d actually want to hear from you?” In all his
life, no matter what type of trouble Jared had gotten in, he’d never before
heard that level of cold venom coming from his mother.
It was enough to have tears stinging along Jared’s eyes and he closed them,
trying to fight against the emotions that were threatening to break him down
completely. “Mom-”
“Don’t. You don’t call here anymore, Jared. You don’t belong in this family any
longer. We don’t want to hear from you ever again.”
With that the line clicked off and Jared let out a shocked sob into the
silence. He’d heard it before, from her, from his dad, from everyone important
to him, but it never got any easier. He didn’t, couldn’t, understand how the
family he had always loved, had always belonged to, could shut him out
completely for something he couldn’t even help.
“Jared?” Jeff’s voice was quiet from the door and Jared had forgot he’d left it
open, knowing the man would be outside working for a while. “What happened?”
“It’s Megan’s birthday,” he gasped like it was answer enough, wiping angrily at
the tears on his cheeks because he didn’t want Jeff to see him so upset. “I
just wanted to tell her I still love her.”
“Oh, kid...” Jeff sighed and walked slowly into the room, sinking down onto the
bed beside Jared and reaching out to take the phone from his hand. “I’m so
sorry.”
When the man’s arm slid over his shoulders Jared couldn’t help sinking into the
heat of his body. He’d pull away soon, detach himself and pretend like this
entire stupid thing didn’t happen, but he needed to feel grounded by something
so desperate in that moment that he clung to Jeff like a lifeline. “I don’t
even know why I’m here anymore,” Jared whispered the words through tears, his
head falling to rest on Jeff’s shoulder.
The arm around him tightened and Jared could hear Jeff’s soft sigh before he
answered. “It’ll get better Jared, I promise. One of these days, it’ll get so
much better.”
Jared didn’t believe him.
***** Chapter 2 *****
-= Jared =-
A shadow fell across the Kindle balanced on his thighs and Jared closed his
eyes for just a moment, mentally bracing himself for whoever was bothering him
this time. It would be much better if people just left him alone, then maybe
Jared could just lose himself in the misery always creeping in on him.
But, of course, the shadow covering him wasn’t moving and Jared could only
ignore it for so long. His eyes landed on light brown loafers, traveled up the
length of crisp khakis and he knew who it was even before his gaze slid across
the red blue and white crisscrossed sweater vest, the collar of a white button
down folded neatly down over the edge. Jensen was smiling like he always seemed
to be doing and Jared watched as he pushed those thin frames up along his nose
and rocked forward on his toes.
“Hey, how’s it going?” Jensen asked cheerfully, as if the conversation they’d
had at the end of the week before had never happened, like Jared had never
snapped at him.
Something pulsed through Jared and he pursed his lips, not liking the rise of
heat crawling up his neck. “Do you need something?”
For just a moment the smile on Jensen’s lips flickered and Jared felt it like a
punch in the gut. He didn’t want to hurt the kid, which was really why he
needed to stop this from happening in the first place. It shouldn’t matter to
him how Jensen felt. Jensen shouldn’t matter to him.
“Oh, I was just...” Jensen wet his lips - Jared couldn’t help tracking the slow
sweep of his tongue over the plush swell - and lifted his shoulders in a shrug.
“Just saw you sitting out here alone and thought maybe I could um, come and sit
with you?”
Jared dropped his gaze. It was getting to be a little too much even looking at
Jensen by this point. “I’m reading. I’ve got to catch up, for school.”
“Right. Yeah, of course.” Jensen nodded quickly and this time Jared didn’t have
to look up to know that smile was barely there at all. “I guess I’ll just...
leave you alone then.”
“Yeah.” Jared pulled the Kindle up, using it to hide behind so he didn’t have
to see Jensen walk away.
“You know,” Jensen spoke up a bit too loudly after a minute and Jared nearly
jumped. He’d kind of thought the boy was gone already. “Sorry, just. I’m really
nice. Or, I mean, I really try to be. You just... you don’t have to write me
off so quickly. You could give me a shot.”
Jared blew out a lot breath and slowly pushed up to his feet, tilting his head
down to meet Jensen’s wide green eyes. The sun caught on the edge of Jensen’s
wire frames and for a moment those green eyes sparkled. Jared looked away.
“Maybe you should just accept the fact that this isn’t about you. You don’t
know me, so stop pretending like you can read my mind.”
After the outburst he had to turn and leave but it wasn’t really fast enough,
because he could see the flash of hurt in Jensen’s eyes, and if it were
possible Jared felt even worse. It wasn’t fair. This guy he didn’t even know
was making him feel like shit because he didn’t want to bond or whatever it was
that Jensen wanted. Jared shouldn’t be responsible for someone else’s feelings,
it was hard enough dealing with his own.
Once more Jared found tears burning at the edges of his eyes and he quickened
his steps, nearly running by the time he made it back into the school building.
There were people all around him, moving back to their classrooms, and Jared
was having trouble getting any air into his lungs. He couldn’t take anymore,
not when someone’s shoulder connected with his, not when his stomach rolled
bitter bile that threatened to explode from his mouth right there in the middle
of the hallway.
“Hey, whoa, you okay?” Thin fingers curled around Jared’s arm, tugging him free
from the crowd of students working to get past.
Jared sucked in several sharp breaths, letting the girl tug him out of the
hallway and into a mercilessly empty classroom. Once the door closed behind
them he pulled free of the grasp, dropping his hands to his knees and squeezing
his eyes shut. Jared couldn’t tell if this was just the heartache hitting him
too strong once more - like it always did - or if that moment with Jensen, who
kept pushing and pushing, was finally enough to make Jared’s fragile stability
crash.
A shaky sob tore through Jared and he turned from the door, from whoever was
still there, watching him fall apart. “Hey... Jared?” The girl whispered and it
really didn’t come as much of a surprise that she knew his name.
Everyone in this damn school seemed to know who he was. Jared was fucking sick
of it. “M’fine,” he said through a sharp inhale, rubbing hard at his eyes and
straightening up. “I’m fine.”
“Oh yeah and aliens abduct us because they want to know the recipe for garlic
mashed potatoes,” the girl scoffed.
Jared blinked a few times and turned, finally facing the blonde there. The
statement was weird enough he couldn’t not look. He eyed her long curly blonde
hair, the snap of bright pink gum between lip gloss covered lips, and soft,
warm grey blue eyes. “Aliens?” He finally repeated quietly, sniffing and
dragging the back of his hand under his nose.
The girl grinned and shrugged, leaning back against the nearest desk. “It’s a
thing. So um, I’m Katie, by the way. And you really don’t look okay.”
Jared groaned and shoved his fingers back through his hair, dropping his hand
to stare down at the black strands that had fallen out at the touch. Ever since
he dyed his hair it seemed to be falling out more. Knowing Jared’s luck, he’d
be bald by the time he turned twenty. “Thanks for getting me out of the masses,
Katie, but I really don’t want to talk about it.”
Katie smiled and nodded, pushing off the desk. “Okay, no biggie. Just uh- this
doesn’t have anything to do with Jensen does it?”
What the fuck was this town? Could everyone just read everyone’s mind or
something? The disbelief and annoyance at Katie’s question must have been clear
on Jared’s face because the girl laughed and held her hands up in surrender.
“Not stalking, I swear. Jensen’s a really good friend of mine. I know he’s been
a bit... gung ho, about being your friend and all, and I just want to make sure
he hasn’t done anything to make a complete idiot of himself.”
“Oh uh, no.” Jared sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets, relieved that
the mini-breakdown seemed to have passed. “He’s actually been... really nice.
I’m just not interested in what he’s offering.” This time it was Katie’s turn
to look at him with slightly wide eyes and Jared flushed instantly, his heart
skipping a nervous, painful beat. “Not- not like that. I just can’t do the
friend thing right now. It’s not- Jesus.”
“Hey, it’s all good Jared, chill out.” Katie’s smile softened and she stepped
forward, stopping just in front of him. She hesitated for just a beat then
reached out, laying her hand on Jared’s arm. “I don’t know you, and I’m getting
the feeling you’d really rather have it that way, but I do know Jensen and I
can promise he’s not trying to like, hurt you or anything. You totally have all
rights to not want that friendship though, so I’m not even going to insist you
make some type of uber bond with him.”
Jared was pretty sure his eyebrows were slowly rising higher and higher the
longer Katie spoke but well, the girl was kind of rambling. He wasn’t entirely
sure what her point was but he at least felt a little less like Jensen had sent
Katie after him or something crazy like that. What the hell was up with that
kid and why was he so intent on becoming Jared’s friend? “He kind of has this
um, weird obsession with me, right?”
Katie laughed and flipped hair over her shoulder. “Jensen just gets really
passionate about some things, you know?”
That heat that Jared was already beginning to associate with the boy burned
instantly through Jared and he bit down on his lip, shifting uncomfortably in
place. “He is not passionate about me.”
“I didn’t really mean it that way,” Katie said quietly and something about the
tone of her voice had Jared’s eyes shooting up.
She was looking at him as if she knew something, like she really could read his
mind, and Jared instinctively took a step back. “I should go to class.”
“I’ll tell Jensen to lay off.” Katie didn’t move but her smile warmed once
more. “He can be pretty persistent about things.”
“Yeah, I noticed.” Jared gave the girl a small smile before turning and heading
for the door. If he stayed any longer, tried to keep this conversation thing
going, he’d probably say something more to make things get all weird and Jared
was pretty sure his life was already weird enough.
-===-
“Which one is-” Jared cut off before he could finish the question, telling
himself he really wasn’t curious, he didn’t want to know.
Jeff cleared his throat from the other side of the stable and lifted a large
bale of hay. “What?”
Eyes scanning along the horses in their stables, Jared squinted, trying to read
the small name plaques without getting any closer. There were quite a few
families in town that paid Jeff to board their horses here. Jared had often
watched them coming in and out of the barn, chatting with Jeff, but over the
entire course of the summer he’d never seen Jensen before. Sometimes he
wondered how he’d missed him, but mostly he tried not to think about it.
“Jared?” Jeff turned to him this time, slightly puzzled smile on his lips.
Jared couldn’t decide if the man was more confused at Jared’s half started
question or the fact that he was in the stables at all. He’d been living at
Morgan Ranch for little over three months and had yet to really come out there
and see the horses. The memories were too painful, or something like that.
Jared used to ride with his family all the time.
“Esther,” he made himself whisper, wanting desperately to be thinking about
something other than his family, even if the subject matter of Jensen and his
horse wasn’t much easier to deal with.
Jeff walked out of the stall he had been unloading the bales into and pointed
to the far, left hand side of the barn. “Second to the last. Jensen’s had her
since she was a foal. Ornery little thing for everyone but him, go figure. Go
say hi.”
Knowing the horse was a bit bad tempered for anyone outside Jensen didn’t
exactly inspire confidence in Jared but he couldn’t think of a reason not to
that would keep Jeff from looking at him like he’d lost his mind. The jury was
still out on that one. So he forced himself down to the second to last stall,
turning and finding the dark horse staring right at him. Jared’s lips twitched
into a smile out of his control. For some reason, the way Esther was staring
him down reminded Jared of Jensen’s persistence.
“Hey girl,” he said softly and took a step forward, extending his hand slowly.
He knew that Esther couldn’t hurt him or anything, not where there was the
safety bars keeping her tucked away, but he didn’t want to startle the horse.
It wasn’t like Jensen would know - or like Jared cared - but it seemed
important somehow. “Gonna let me pet you?”
The horse nickered softly and turned her head away, stomping her hooves a few
times until her thick mane was near enough for Jared to reach. “Fuckin’ smart
horse,” Jared grumbled, admittedly a little impressed.
“She always did seem to get more than the average horse,” Jeff’s voice was
close enough Jared started, not entirely sure why he didn’t hear the man’s
boots as he walked on the cement toward him. “You’re more skittish than they
are,” Jeff said around a laugh.
Jared rolled his eyes but the smile playing on his lips strengthened just a
little. “You just get a kick out of being some type of freaky ninja.” Jared
teased and watched as surprise fluttered across Jeff’s face, his mouth opening
slightly. He wasn’t used to Jared teasing, or smiling, or any of this behavior
he supposed. “Gonna catch some horse flies if you keep staring like that.”
“You uh, having a good day, then?” Jeff tried to ask casually but Jared could
hear the hesitancy there.
The last thing Jared really needed was another person he felt guilty about. But
he couldn’t hold it against the man, it wasn’t as if he’d done anything to
prove to Jeff he wasn’t some emo kid that could explode at any moment. “I don’t
know.” He shrugged and stroked his fingers down the silky smooth expanse of
Esther’s neck. “I’m tired,” he sighed and let his head rest on the warm metal
of the safety gate.
Sometimes he felt so exhausted it was like he was walking through a daze. Maybe
it was all the crying he did. Or maybe it was lying awake at night, staring up
at the ceiling, unable to escape the haunting echo of his family’s angry words.
Jeff’s hand came to rest on his shoulder, rubbing just barely in a touch that
had Jared tensing and seeking more all at once. “You know, Jared, I was
thinking... maybe you’d like to talk to someone about this? I know I’m no one
special, just some old guy, but I think you’d be surprised how much I can
understand. Or, not me. We could look into a therapist, I’ve got a few good
buddies in town who could-”
“I don’t.” Jared interrupted before Jeff could say anything more. The very
suggestion was making it a little hard to breathe and Jared straightened,
turning to Jeff and stepping out of his touch. “How do I talk to anyone about
this? How do I tell someone how disgusting I-” Jared cut off with a hitch of
air, turning away from Jeff once more and biting down hard on his lip.
“God, Jared,” Jeff sighed shakily.
Out of the corner of Jared’s eye he could see the man’s hand lift, hesitate,
then drop and something in Jared sank. It was so obvious what he was, how
perverted he was, and Jared should just leave this place before Jeff realized
it as well.
Then suddenly strong arms were wrapping around him, tugging him close, and
Jared sucked in a surprised breath. Jeff was holding him tight - almost too
tight - and Jared blinked a few times, arms hanging unsure at his side. “You’re
not any of those things,” Jeff said quietly, squeezing tight once more then
letting go, stepping back.
Jared could only stare as he watched the man wipe under his eyes along
something that looked suspiciously like tears. He swallowed the lump in his
throat and curled his arms over his chest as if he could keep the brief heat
from the hug there for a while. “My family thinks-”
“Just don’t-” Jeff interrupted him with a near growl but he cut off just as
sharply, giving Jared a small smile. “Trust me on this one, okay? And, think
about talking to someone? Even if it’s not an adult. Maybe you’d feel
comfortable talking to someone like Jensen. Pretty sure I’ve never met a nicer
kid.”
Jared was halfway tempted to snap at the man, demand some logic as to why
everyone seemed to think he should be friends with Jensen, but that wasn’t
really the case so he bit back the instinct. Just because he was... afraid.
Well. Jeff didn’t need to know that. It was kind of nice to think of someone
liking him, of Jeff not looking at him like that, and Jared wanted to keep it
that way as long as possible.
“You think I should hang out with Jensen?” Jared asked quietly, wondering if
something that simple could earn the man’s approval for a while.
“If you want, sure. Wouldn’t hurt to have a few friends to be seventeen with,
right?” Jeff laughed and turned, heading back down to the bales he’d been
stacking. “Then maybe I can convince your lazy ass to help with some chores,
earn your keep around here.”
Jared was pretty sure Jeff was teasing - almost completely sure - but the
sudden idea that he might be bothering Jeff by not helping out instantly had
him stepping forward and offering his services. As long as he was being
helpful, Jeff would probably keep him around, and maybe that was something
Jared could cling to.
-= Jensen =-
It was a little weird to head out to Morgan Ranch the week after Jared and he
had their thing outside the school during lunch. Jensen wasn’t entirely sure
why, considering he’d never seen the boy out and about though he’d been there
all summer, but for some reason Jensen couldn’t help being concerned. He
thought, maybe Jeff would approach him, maybe the man would insist Jensen lay
off or something - even though he clearly already was.
He had no plans to bother Jared any further, it was clear the boy didn’t want
that, and no matter how confident Jensen considered himself, there was only so
much rejection he could take. It all added up to make Jensen more than a little
nervous as he pulled into his usual spot under the Oak tree, snatching his
cowboy hat from the passenger seat and climbing out of his truck.
Not having a run in with Jared or Jeff would be the best thing. Jensen liked to
escape from the real world when he was with Esther. It was his time to relax,
time to get away from everything and find his center of peace once more. Jensen
slid the cowboy hat on and ducked his head, tucking his hands into his pockets
as he headed swiftly across the front drive and into the barn.
There were no interruptions - in fact, things were kind of eerily quiet - and
Jensen finally blew out a low, relieved breath as he headed down the cement
path to Esther’s stall. The heels on his boots echoed around the barn and
Jensen couldn’t help grinning when Esther’s head lifted over the top of the
gate, tilting toward him as if she’d already known he was coming. During the
school week it was harder to find time to come and visit his horse - between
homework, classes, and working with the youth group his schedule was pretty
full - and Jensen always found himself missing her.
When he’d first decided he wanted to get a pet, his parents had suggested a
dog, which was likely the more logical choice. But even if Esther wasn’t around
all the time, couldn’t sleep in Jensen’s bed or be there to greet him when he
got home, Jensen would never regret the decision to get a horse. Maybe that was
just the Texan boy in him, always finding a sense of freedom and purpose as he
slid into the saddle, or maybe he was just selfish and knew a dog would end up
more of a family pet whereas Esther was his alone.
“Hey girl,” he said softly as he approached the stall, automatically reaching
out to run his fingers over the silky black coat. “I’m real glad to see you.
Sorry I’ve been gone so long, last weekend was the church barbecue and I had to
help out both days. I hope you didn’t miss me too much.”
“You always talk to her like that?”
The voice startled Jensen and he jumped back, whirling around and pressing a
hand to his racing heart. So much for going unnoticed. Jared was nearly on the
other side of the barn, decked in his usual black clothing, hair hanging in his
face even when he shook it back. Jensen watched him slide forward a step then
hesitate, turning to look at Clyde, the brown and white thoroughbred in the
stall across from him.
Jensen’s shoulders tensed just slightly and he turned his gaze back to Esther,
resuming his gentle petting. “Yeah, course I do. She likes it.”
“Jeff says she’s a handful,” Jared pointed out quietly, moving another step
forward and hesitating once more.
“She’s just partial to her Master, probably ‘cause she knows I like her best.”
Jensen smiled at his horse, leaning forward to press a soft kiss just above her
nose. “Do you um... need something?”
“What?” Jared froze in place mid-step then shifted back, shaking his head. “No.
Uh, no I just came out here when I saw you drive... well. Um. I was going to
sweep.”
Jensen glanced down at the spotless cement floor beneath him, his brows arching
slowly in disbelief as his gaze lifted. Clearly the floor had been cleaned not
so long ago, but Jensen wasn’t entirely sure he could believe Jared suddenly
had the desire to actually speak with him. “Okay. Well, I’m just going to take
Esther out for a ride. So, we’ll be out of your hair in a few minutes.”
Not waiting for Jared to answer, Jensen pulled the lock on the stall and slid
the door open, stepping quickly inside. He’d been resigned to put this Jared
thing behind him - sure, it stung some, not knowing what he’d done to make
Jared hate him so much, but Jensen could accept the fact that not everyone had
to like him. He didn’t get why they wouldn’t - he was a very nice boy, with
good morals and standards and he even knew how to have a fun time - but it
wasn’t like he couldn’t handle it.
Suddenly having Jared willingly talking to him though? That was enough to make
his mind spin a bit. So he hurried through the motions of fixing the saddle on
Esther, suddenly needing the soothing ride more than ever. Maybe Jared was just
dealing with guilt or something, maybe he’d realized just how much he hurt
Jensen by brushing him off so intently with no real explanation outside of some
line about not wanting friends.
Who didn’t want friends?
“Where do you go?”
Once more Jared’s voice startled Jensen and he jumped, nearly dropping the
stirrup. “Holy moly. You have to stop doing that.” When he turned to the boy,
Jared’s eyebrows were arched, his shoulder resting against the side of the
stall. “What?”
“Holy moly?” Jared repeated and, for the first time since Jensen had me the
boy, his lips twitched in a smile that slowly grew until Jensen could see the
small indent of dimples. “Really?”
Jensen was just shy enough to blush and duck his head down, but seeing Jared
smile - hearing the boy tease and joke - was enough to bring a smile to
Jensen’s lips as well. “I don’t really care for swearing. What did you want to
know?”
“Oh um, where do you go?” That smile was still lingering on Jared’s lips and
Jensen stared until it felt like his heart was quickening for reasons he
couldn’t begin to understand. “When you ride her.”
Jensen stared at the boy for a long minute, until the smile was completely gone
from his lips and his shoulders were tensing, as if he expected Jensen to
simply leap across the stall and attack him. It was enough to make Jensen drop
his gaze and he finally accepted the idea that maybe there really was a reason
Jared didn’t want to risk friendships. There was clearly pain and fear in the
boy’s eyes, Jensen wasn’t sure what to do about that. “Just around Jeff’s
property mainly. My parents don’t like me going too far out. Do you ride? I’d
be out all the time if I lived here.”
Long, thin, surprisingly pale fingers slid through Jared’s hair and he
shrugged, turning slightly from Jensen. “Nah, I don’t. Not... anymore. Sorry,
I’ll leave you be.”
“Jared?” Jensen stepped toward Jared, stopping when the boy turned and looked
toward him, that hint of fear and sadness once more playing across wide hazel
eyes. It made something tight pinch in Jensen’s chest and he wet his lips,
giving Jared a small smile. “I could... ride later. I mean, if you felt like
hanging out or something. I could go for my ride after a while.”
“Oh.” Jared bit down on his lip, staring at Jensen with such intensity Jensen
could feel heat crawling up his cheeks. Then he shook his head and took another
step back. “I- thanks. Really. I thought I could... I just, I guess I just need
more time. Jeff said- well. Sorry. I’ll... I’ll see you around, Jensen.”
The amount of times Jensen had watched Jared walk away was starting to get a
little ridiculous, and more than a little painful. Jensen dropped his gaze,
staring at the soft brown leather in his hand, not even really aware of just
how upsetting this entire thing was until his vision was blurring. “I don’t
even know what’s wrong with me,” Jensen whispered and stepped in to lay his
head on Esther’s side.
Jensen supposed it was time to go back to pretending like he wasn’t bothered
that Jared didn’t want to be his friend.
-===-
There was a storm just on the horizon, Jensen could see the building clouds in
the distance, rolling in with a speed that spoke of a potentially monumental
thunderstorm. Jensen just hoped it would hold out until after he’d gotten home
from school, the parking lot always tended to be a mad house during a storm.
“Mr. Ackles, could you come up here please?” Mrs. Smith called out for him and
Jensen turned his gaze from the window, smiling slightly as he stood and walked
up to his teacher’s desk. “Would you do me a favor and run this to the
Principal’s office for me? I meant to turn it in earlier but, naturally, I got
caught up in everything.”
Jensen smiled and grasped the offered paper. “Sure, Mrs. Smith, no problem.” It
certainly wasn’t the first time Jensen had been asked to run an errand for a
teacher and he was pretty sure if he looked back, more than a few of his
classmates would be rolling their eyes.
It wasn’t like he was a brown noser or anything, he just liked the image he
had, being known as the responsible one wasn’t exactly a bad thing in his eyes.
Plus, who didn’t like to get out of class even for a few minutes every now and
then?
Still smiling, Jensen headed out of the classroom and down the hall, humming a
Casting Crowns song low under his breath as he roamed the familiar path to the
Principal’s office. He might be the only high school student ever who was so
intimately familiar with the main office but had never been in trouble a day in
his life.
“You gonna fuckin’ cry, freak?” The sharp hiss of a deep voice had Jensen’s
steps slowing, his brows drawing together in confusion. There was no answer
from whoever the boy was talking to but a moment later Jensen flinched at the
echoing crunch of a fist hitting metal. “What the fuck is your problem anyway?
You a retard or something?”
That was just enough for Jensen. No one should speak to another person that way
and he wasn’t going to just walk by and ignore it. Curling his fingers into
fists, Jensen stalked swiftly around the corner, bracing himself for whatever
he might find. Of course, no amount of bracing could prepare him for seeing
Jared, back pressed flat against the locker, held in place by Mark Dolan the
notorious school bully and his ever present sidekick, Luke Hilton.
Even from halfway down the hall Jensen could see how red Jared’s cheeks were,
how he was trying to get away by simply sinking to the floor, and Jensen’s
heart skipped a painful beat. “What’s going on here?” He called out, pushing
himself forward in long strides.
Mark straightened up, dropping his arm from the locker then turning a smirk to
Jensen. “Oh hey Jesus freak, no need to get all huffy, we were just havin’ a
nice little chat with our new friend.”
Jensen didn’t stop until he was sliding between the boy’s and Jared, tilting
his head defiantly up toward the taller boys. “And I suppose you somehow think
you’re better than Jared?” He asked flatly, pursing his lips in distaste. “Why?
Because you go around and torment anyone different from you? Mark, I’ve seen
you in church every Sunday, have you forgotten, he who is without sin amongst
you, let him be the first to throw the stone?”
Bringing up church did the trick, as Jensen had thought it would. Both boys
might be brutal, horrible some times, but when you were raised in a church-
going family in a small town in Texas, even the threat of the Lord sometimes
could be enough to stop things. Mark scoffed as he backed up, holding up his
hands. “Man, whatever, not all of us can be the high and mighty Pastor’s son.”
Jensen bristled at that - mainly because of the slight dig on his father - but
he kept his mouth shut and simply glared at both boys’ backs as they turned and
headed off down the hall once more. The minute they’d disappeared around the
corner Jensen blew out a low breath and let his shoulders relax, turning to
face Jared. His hand lifted, fingers hesitating by the boy’s cheek while he
decided if touching would be foolish or not.
Jared seemed scared, shaking, folding in on himself, and that tight pressure in
Jensen’s chest squeezed vice like. “Are you okay?” He asked quietly and finally
let his finger tips rest on Jared’s cheek, slowly brushing away the silent
stream of tears.
“Y-yeah,” Jared sniffed loudly, pushing up off the locker and rubbing his palms
hard against his cheeks. “You... you didn’t have to do that,” Jared whispered
and finally met Jensen’s gaze, dragging the back of his hand under his nose.
“I, I appreciate it.”
“Those guys can be really mean.” Jensen smiled sadly and once more reached out,
squeezing Jared’s arm. “They didn’t hurt you though, did they? I mean...
physically.”
“No. Just... the words.” Jared sighed shakily and slid his fingers up through
his hair, looking down the hall toward the place the boys disappeared. “So your
dad, he’s a Pastor?”
“Yeah.” Jensen nodded, oddly a little pleased that Jared would take any sort of
interest in him. “Do you go to church? Or um, did you? Before?”
Jared’s gaze met his again and Jensen watched that by now familiar flash of
pain there. It wasn’t the first time he thought it but man he wanted to know
what had happened to Jared in his past, what could bring that haunted look to
such a young boy’s eyes. “Before,” he breathed and nodded, sliding back a step.
“I’ve gotta get back in class, before I get in trouble. More trouble.”
“Okay.” Jensen’s smile fell as he watched Jared move away, as was his default
mode it seemed.
But a few steps away Jared paused, hesitated, then turned back to him. In just
a few quick steps he crossed to Jensen, staring down at him then wrapping his
arms over Jensen’s shoulders in a quick, tight hug. “Thank you,” Jared
whispered against his hair.
Before Jensen really even had time to process the entire scene, Jared had
already pulled away and headed down the hall again. Jensen’s heart was racing,
his blood pulsing in his ears, and he had no idea what to make of it all.
Because it was just a hug, barely that, but Jensen felt warm from head to feet.
-= Jared =-
It didn’t seem like staring any harder at the rain pissing down in a constant
flood was going to make it ease up, but Jared continued to glare. Mainly
because the idea of walking home in that was enough to take this mostly shitty
day and make it ten times worse. If it were any other day, Jeff probably would
have come to get him, but the man had driven to Austin to pick up some much
needed supplies for the Ranch and wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.
So, no amount of standing in the front hall and staring out at the rapidly
thinning crowd was going to save him. Jared double checked that his backpack
was zipped up then slipped it over his shoulders, dropping his head and pushing
the door open. It was an oddly fitting way to end this day, he supposed. For
the first time since he’d arrived at Lockhart West, Jared had found himself on
the receiving end of the hard judgment he’d known was going to follow him from
his life before.
Of course, these boys didn’t know about his past - a saving grace, he imagined
- but they didn’t seem to like the idea of someone so different trying to blend
in with their school. Jared wasn’t sure why he’d thought wearing all black and
dying his hair, would keep him from being noticed, or keep him out of the line
of fire. Maybe if he’d just dressed as he had before - jeans, plaid, the Texan
cowboy norm - no one would have noticed him at all. And maybe that was really
the issue.
Deep down - in that place Jared worked constantly at hiding all of his emotions
- Jared hadn’t wanted to be completely invisible. Sure the kind of attention he
got now was bad, down right horrible if today was anything to judge by, but at
least it was something. Jared was pretty sure that meant there was something
wrong with him - seeking out even negative attention - but he rationalized that
he at least wasn’t doing drugs or stealing things, so he couldn’t be that bad
off.
The rain was cold, fall weather finally kicking in, and Jared buried his hands
as far down into his pockets as he could. He kept his head down, staring
through the already soaked dark locks at the cement beneath his feet as he
walked as quickly as he could in the direction of home. It’d be a miracle if he
didn’t get sick after this.
“Jared!” The call of his name was almost impossible to hear over the crash of
thunder up ahead and Jared registered the sound of an engine revving before his
name was being called out once more.
Looking up, Jared stared at the truck, the open window, and Jensen just inside.
This would be the second time that day Jensen came to his rescue and Jared
tried desperately to ignore the rush of heat that pulsed through him at that.
When Jensen had stopped those assholes from giving him shit earlier, Jared had
expected to feel annoyed or something - nothing worse for your reputation than
having someone else fight your battles after all. Instead, he’d been relieved -
relieved enough to hug Jensen, and no, he still hadn’t quite processed that
yet.
“Get in!” Jensen called again, stretching across the seat and pushing the
passenger door open.
It was probably the rain that kept Jared from hesitating at all, that had him
rushing forward for the warm, completely dry car. Yeah, definitely the rain.
Because Jared wasn’t at all excited by the idea of spending some more time with
Jensen. He still hadn’t completely given in to the idea of them becoming
friends. “Jesus, it’s cold,” Jared’s teeth were chattering, hands clamping over
his arms as he tried to press in on himself and get warm.
“I tried to find you before you started walking,” Jensen said softly and
reached behind him, digging around behind the seat and straightening up a
moment later. He offered a wool blanket to Jared and grinned. “Sometimes Katie
and I spontaneously picnic, so I keep that around.”
Jared was trying to process too many things at once to figure out the best way
to answer. “You were trying to find me?” He finally asked once he’d slipped the
blanket over his shoulders, trying to hold it close though it got more wet as
opposed to helping him get warm.
“I figured you were walking home and well, yeah.” Jensen shrugged and gave
Jared a grin that went a long way to make Jared a whole hell of a lot warmer.
He continued to stare at Jared, smiling, and Jared just stared back.
At first Jared thought it was some weird type of moment, like maybe something
was happening and maybe - maybe - he was okay with that. Then, Jensen gestured
toward him, and Jared flushed as he realized why they’d yet to move. “Oh.
Right. Seat belt.” He nodded and shifted around to tug the seat belt, sliding
it quickly into place. Jared was an idiot.
Jensen laughed softly, finally turning back to the window and slipping the car
into drive. “Any more trouble from Mark and Luke? After this afternoon I mean?”
“No, I didn’t see them.” Jared tightened his grip on the blanket, taking a deep
breath to try and calm the way his teeth were chattering. “Though, honestly,
it’s a little hard to be freaked out by kids that cower when they have Bible
verses quoted at them.”
The moment the words left his lips, Jared flinched, looking nervously over at
Jensen. If he was trying to actually befriend this boy - like Jeff had
suggested, something that would please the man - he probably shouldn’t insult
his religion in any way. But, Jensen simply laughed and shrugged. “When you’re
raised in the church, sometimes Bible verses can really do the trick. Besides I
think they both know if they act out too much, I’ll tell my Dad and he’ll do a
whole sermon about the subject. He won’t ever address them by name but he’d
spend a good deal of time staring right at them and making them as
uncomfortable as possible. It’s kind of epic.”
Jared was almost as surprised as Jensen looked when he let out a loud bark of
laughter. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d laughed. The fact that
it happened now, here with Jensen, while he was soaked to the bone and
freezing, seemed really important. “Your dad sounds pretty awesome.”
“He is, yeah.” Jensen’s smile softened. Jared watched as his lips parted, words
beginning to form, before he snapped his mouth closed again and smiled wryly.
It was pretty obvious he wanted to ask, wanted to know what happened to Jared’s
family, and Jared was both relieved and disappointed that Jensen hadn’t gotten
the question out. Though he wasn’t entirely sure what all that meant. He just
knew he wasn’t quite ready to go into that all yet, he still had to accept the
idea of even having a normal conversation with Jensen. “Is Katie your
girlfriend?”
Like, that. It probably was kind of none of his business, and maybe his motives
behind asking weren’t one hundred percent pure. Not that it really mattered
whether Jensen was dating someone or not. He was the son of a Pastor, come on.
“No.” Jensen looked curiously over at Jared for a long moment. “Do you know
Katie? We grew up together, I’ve known her for as long as I can remember. I’m
not sure her and I could ever work in a relationship.” Jensen laughed, slowing
the truck as he turned up the long drive to Morgan Ranch.
“I met Katie, yeah.” Jared nodded, relieved both that Katie hadn’t told Jensen
about the near breakdown he’d had the other day and well, that the two weren’t
dating. Fuck. He needed to stop thinking this way. This was part of the reason
why he hadn’t wanted to befriend this gorgeous, perfect, sweet boy in the first
place. “She seems um, very nice. Though there were quite a few mentions of
aliens?”
Jensen laughed, full and clear, and it was the best noise Jared had ever heard,
like warm tingling pleasure sliding down his spine. “Yeah, Katie’s a bit
unique. If you ever find yourself stuck in an encounter of the third kind
though, she’d be very helpful to have around.”
Once more Jared found himself laughing. It was kind of worth feeling guilty
about the way he watched Jensen’s adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “I’ll keep
that in mind. So um, are you seeing anyone then?” Once more Jensen looked to
him as they came to a stop in front of the Ranch, and Jared blushed and quickly
continued. “It’s just, I’ve seen you walking around, seems like everyone knows
you. And um, I don’t know, just seems like you’d have a girlfriend.”
“Oh. Well, uh, no, I don’t.” Jensen smiled, a little shyly, down at the
steering wheel and rolled his shoulders back in a shrug, rubbing his fingers
along the back of his neck. “It’s not like I’m not... I just, dating’s never
been a big priority for me, right now. I figure if someone catches my eye then
I will consider it but... yeah.” Jensen laughed weakly and looked up at Jared.
“No cheap shots with you huh? Go right for the tough blows from the get-go?”
Jared blushed even brighter and reached out, fumbling with the buckle on his
seat belt. “Sorry, god, I’ve been such an asshole to you and then I just come
in and start hounding you-”
“Jared.” Jensen reached out and grasped his arm, squeezing softly, dipping down
so Jared could see his warm smile. “It’s okay, I was just teasing. Believe it
or not, but I still really do want to talk to you, get to know you. So you can
ask me whatever you want.”
Biting down on his bottom lip, Jared stared through the rain at the Ranch,
knowing it was empty and all he had waiting inside for him was a microwave
dinner and crappy TV. His eyes slid slowly over to Jensen and his heart sped up
just a little more. “Do you... would you like- just- oh, never mind. Thanks for
the ride.”
“Hey, what?” Jensen’s hand was still on Jared’s arm and it tightened as he slid
a little closer across the seat. “Would I like...?”
“You wanna come in?” Jared asked in a rush, gaze drifting from the fingers on
his arm and snapping back up to Jensen’s bright green eyes sparkling behind
small frames. He risked a glance up to find Jensen simply watching him and
pushed on quickly, “it’s just, Jeff is in Austin over night. And, I know we
didn’t exactly get along- I mean, I was just a douche while you were so nice...
maybe you feel like hanging out, for a little while?”
When he forced himself to meet those green eyes again it was to find them
crinkled at the edges with Jensen’s wide smile. “That sounds awesome. You sure
Jeff won’t mind?”
“Nah. He um, he actually was the one to kind of suggest I give you a shot.”
Jared shrugged, his own lips twitching into a smile he couldn’t help. “I can’t
promise I’m the most stimulating company.”
“I’ll take my chances.” Jensen was practically beaming by this point, even as
he turned the keys in the ignition and yanked them out, kicking his door open
and taking off at a sprint to the front door.
Jared stared, mouth slightly slack, heart kicking up its familiar Jensen
induced tango. Inviting the boy to hang out with him was clearly a bad move.
Although, Jared could fool himself into thinking he might not find Jensen
appealing that way if he got to know him a little more. He could start thinking
of Jensen in only friend-like ways.
Realizing that sitting and staring really wasn’t going to get him very far,
Jared fumbled with the handle on the door and finally shoved it open, slamming
it quickly shut behind him. He darted through the rain after Jensen, grateful
for the awning over the door that provided some shelter as he tugged keys from
his pocket. His hands were shaking as he unlocked the door and let them in but
Jared chose to dismiss that for the fact that he was freezing. It had nothing
to do with Jared being there. Definitely.
-= Jensen =-
It was only the second time Jensen had ever been inside Jeff Morgan’s home but
obviously, this was so very different from before. Jared had invited him, had
finally relented in his no-friends argument, and Jensen knew he was latching
onto that prospect but he couldn’t help it. There was just something about
Jared, Jensen had no idea what it was, had no idea if he was even prepared to
handle it, but man, he was ready to try. He’d known the boy a little over two
weeks and Jensen could already said no one had ever captivated him the way
Jared did.
He tried not to look around too curiously as he stepped into the wide open
front living room. The couch was a soft tan leather, set directly across from a
wide screen TV that kind of surprised Jensen only because he thought Jeff was a
little too in touch with nature to go for those kinds of luxuries. There were a
few paintings on the wall, mostly countryside landscapes, and the light paint
made the room seem bright even if the sky outside was still dark and stormy.
There was a large fireplace and a stack of wood along the far wall, two
comfortable looking armchairs set up in front of it, and Jensen thought it
would be an incredibly relaxing place to sit in the middle of winter, when
their tiny Texan town was blanketed in a deep freeze. Jensen smiled softly,
following Jared’s lead and slipping his shoes off on the wooden entry way so
they didn’t soak the carpets.
“Follow me, you can borrow some dry clothes,” Jared said quietly, keeping his
head ducked down, and it was just shy enough that Jensen didn’t point out how
he was still pretty dry and didn’t really need to change.
Also, there was a warmth crawling through him at the idea of wearing something
of Jared’s, but he didn’t focus on that too long. Instead he trailed after
Jared, looking at the pictures on the walls as they passed, learning little
pieces about Jeff from images of him with his friends, the horses, his land.
Jensen had known Jeff Morgan his entire life, just as the friendly man who sat
in the back of church each Sunday and always greeted them with a howdy and a
smile.
But he didn’t know much more about the man, had no idea why he’d never married
or mentioned his family or even really went on dates. Well, dates that Jensen
knew about anyway. He remembered one time his mom had tried to set Jeff up with
Samantha Smith, their history teacher, but as far as he knew that didn’t go
anywhere.
Jared’s room was... empty. Not literally, of course. He had a bed, desk,
dresser, TV, computer. All those things any seventeen year old boy would want.
But there were no posters on the walls, no pictures on the desk, nothing
personal outside the clothes in his closet. Jensen turned a slow circle because
it seemed like he had to be missing something. For all intents and purposes,
this might as well be a guest room that Jared just happened to be occupying.
All those questions Jensen had been dying to ask were bubbling up once more.
Why had Jared come to live with Jeff? Where did he come from? Why did it seem
like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders?
“Here.” Jared held out a shirt and a pair of sweats; small, nervous smile on
his lips. “They might be a little big but, not wet at least.”
“Thanks.” Jensen smiled at Jared as he took the close, stepping over to the bed
to set them there and tugging off his sweater vest. He was halfway through the
row of buttons on the front of his shirt when something loud clattered on the
other side of the room and he jumped, spinning around to find Jared staring
wide eyed at him. “What? Are you okay?”
“I- no- you’re-” Jared’s face was red, his eyes drifting down to Jensen’s hands
on his shirt then snapping quickly back up. “Fuck. I’m- I gotta change.” He
snatched a couple of items from his dresser and turned, nearly running from the
room.
Jensen listened to the slam of a door - presumably the bathroom - and let his
gaze drop down to his open shirt. “Okay,” he whispered and pursed his lips in a
frown. This definitely had the potential to be a very interesting night.
***** Chapter 3 *****
-= Jared =-
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Jared was panting, lifting his head and letting it drop
back against the bathroom door with hard thumps. Why hadn’t it even occurred to
him that Jensen would find nothing weird about changing into a pair of sweats
in his room? But for that matter, why did Jensen not find it weird at all? They
barely knew each other. Changing in the same room was totally not a normal
thing to do. Jensen was clearly some type of freak.
Who also happened to be drop dead gorgeous, not just the pretty boy Jared had
thought before. Even with just the little glimpse of his chest Jared had seen
the curves of muscle, the well defined shape of someone who took care of their
body, and it was miles of warm tanned skin that Jared wanted to reach out and
drag his fingers over. The very thought alone was starting to turn him on and
Jared sucked in a sharp breath as panic coursed blindingly through him.
What he should do is throw the door open, go out there, and tell Jensen he had
to go. Clearly Jared had been wrong when he thought he could do this. Sure, he
wanted to make Jeff proud, show him he wasn’t a lost cause to be written off,
but if he ever found out how Jared was thinking about Jensen, well that would
be much worse than him not being proud.
Pushing off the door, Jared quickly shed his wet clothes and tossed them into
the bathtub, knowing he’d get to them later. He’d been in such a hurry to get
out of the room he hadn’t even paid attention to what he was grabbing to put
on. Now he stared at his reflection, at the bright red shirt, and dragged
fingers through his drying hair. It was going to be the most color Jensen ever
saw him in... but it didn’t really matter, Jared was going to send him away
anyway.
Taking a final deep breath in preparation, Jared turned from the mirror and
tugged the bathroom door open. He had no idea how long he’d been hiding away
but when he returned to his room Jensen wasn’t there. Something not unlike
disappointment curled through Jared and he wondered if he wouldn’t have to tell
Jensen to leave. Maybe the freak out had been too much from the boy and he’d
just left on his own.
It was for the best if Jensen left anyway, just because Jared was all torn up
about the entire thing. Actually because he was torn up about it. Like this was
some kind of sign and Jared should be listening to it. Still, his shoulders
slumped as he turned and headed slowly back down the hall to the kitchen.
There was the loud bang of a cabinet door and Jared froze for a moment, his
heart skipping a beat. His steps quickened until he was skidding to a halt in
the kitchen doorway, watching Jensen stirring a pot on the stove. Okay. So.
Apparently he really didn’t want Jensen to leave, and at this point he was so
relieved he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to tell the boy to go like he’d
originally been planning. God, Jared was fucked.
“What are you doing?” He asked quietly, taking a cautious step into the
kitchen.
Jensen’s head turn to him, a wide smile on his lips. “Found some chocolate so I
thought I’d make us some hot chocolate from scratch, my mom always makes it for
us on cold days. I hope that’s okay.”
The way Jared’s heart fluttered sometimes in response to things Jensen did was
starting to really freak him out. His mind flashed back to a time not so long
ago, when he sat in the kitchen with his sister and waited eagerly for his mom
to make them hot chocolate. It always made him feel so cared for, comforted,
and now Jensen was unknowingly doing the same thing.
The memory alone was enough to have tears burning along Jared’s eyes and he
ducked his head, crossing to the bar stool tucked under the high counter island
and dropping down heavily. Jensen just made him feel so many things, and he
barely knew the boy. It seemed terrifying to imagine getting to know him any
further because things would only ever get more intense.
“Jared? Are you okay?” Jensen’s voice was laced with quiet concern, closer than
Jared expected, and moments later warm fingers came to settle over his arm and
squeeze softly.
For some reason Jensen’s concern just made the pain in Jared burn a little
brighter, sharper, and he closed his eyes and rubbed slowly into them to try
and ease it away. Everything was always just too much, leaving Jared teetering
on some edge, and no matter how hard he tried he could never seem to find his
equilibrium. “My parents kicked me out Jensen.”
It wasn’t at all what Jared had been planning on saying, and judging from the
way Jensen sucked in a surprised breath, it wasn’t what he’d been planning on
hearing. “Kicked you out? But... why?”
Of course Jensen would want to know why. And Jared couldn’t think of a good
enough lie, couldn’t come up with a way to explain it without telling the
truth. But he didn’t think he was really ready for that either. The only perk
of telling Jensen now was that it would save him further heartache later on. If
he simply confessed the truth, Jensen would likely be disgusted - maybe he’d
spit out some Bible verses about what a sin it was, like he’d done with Mark
and Luke earlier - and that would be the end of their never really established
friendship.
Maybe, in the end, that was what made it possible for him to say. It would hurt
so much more if he grew close to Jensen, forged that bond he could already feel
building between them, only to have it torn apart like all the others in his
life had been when the truth came out. Jared’s entire body tensed, he forced
his eyes open and met Jensen’s wide, curious gaze. He just had to say it, like
ripping off a band aid, and maybe it would be easier this time around.
“I’m gay.”
The words seemed to hang between them, too loud and echoing in the homey
kitchen. Jared’s stomach rolled and twisted slowly into knots, fear and panic
growing and simmering until he could barely breathe, could barely see. Jensen
simply continued to stare at Jared, his hand still resting on his arm, and
Jared began a silent countdown until Jensen caught up with the revelation and
freaked out like Jared knew he would, like everyone else did.
“They kicked you out because you’re gay?” Jensen asked quietly, stepping just a
little closer.
And, wait. What? Why was there no hardening to Jensen’s gaze? Why was he still
touching Jared? Why was he looking at him with sympathy and concern and
something that could possibly be compassion? Jared’s mouth opened, closed,
opened. “You’re supposed to start hating me now.”
“Oh, Jared. Oh my goodness,” Jensen sucked in a quick breath and Jared’s eyes
widened as he watched tears form along the rims of Jensen’s behind his glasses.
Then, suddenly, the boy was moving forward and Jared braced himself for an
attack but instead arms slid around him and latched on.
Jared blinked a handful of times, hoping it would make everything straighten
out from the what the fuck he’d somehow stumbled into. His arms hung at his
sides for several long minutes as he tried to process the idea of Jensen
hugging him.
“I’m not going to hate you,” Jensen whispered against his shoulder and squeezed
just a little tighter.
Everything clicked into place with Jensen’s words and something snapped in
Jared. Months. Months he’d been living with the agony of being so thoroughly
cast aside. Thrown out of his family, disowned by his friends, discarded and
disgraced. And now, here, some boy who barely knew him, was finally giving him
the chance he had been sure he was never meant to receive.
The sob that suddenly tore from Jared was sharp and intense, worse than any
Jared had cried in the last few months - which he honestly hadn’t thought was
possible, considering all the crying he’d done as of late. His arms lifted to
wrap around Jensen and he twisted in his chair so he could pull the boy between
his legs, holding him as close as possible. He’d only just recently started
allowing Jeff to touch him in any way of comfort, so if you’d asked him earlier
if he’d be okay crying in the arms of Jensen, the answer would have been a flat
out no.
Now though, the relief from those strong arms holding him tightly was the best
thing he’d felt in so very long. Jensen barely knew anything about the story,
except that one thing, the most important thing. But he didn’t seem to have a
problem being there, not even with his strong religion, which had been one of
the major factors behind Jared’s massive freak out. The fact that Jensen was
okay with this all still seemed like too much for Jared to really grasp so he
stopped trying to think and simply held on and cried.
At some point Jensen guided him from the stool, out of the kitchen and to the
living room. Jared’s tears ebbed off and he felt only exhaustion, relieved that
Jensen didn’t make him move away. Fingers rubbed slow and soft along his back,
soothing and gentle, and Jared’s breath caught on a hiccup.
“Hot chocolate’s probably not so good now, but want me to get you something to
drink?” Jensen asked after a while, nearly whispering the words as if he were
afraid of shattering the peace Jared had finally fallen into.
Jared bit his lip and nodded, straightening up so Jensen could get away. He
hastily grabbed some tissues from the side table and blew his nose,
embarrassment rising up in him now that the tears were gone. If Jensen hadn’t
thought he was a freak before, this had to officially seal the deal.
“Okay, hot chocolate was thankfully on low heat and completely salvageable,”
Jensen said with a strange level of excitement as he came back into the living
room carrying two mugs. “This is definitely a hot chocolate moment.”
Sinking back on the couch, Jared smiled weakly at Jensen as he took the mug and
curled his fingers over it. “I don’t really get you.”
“You don’t get me?” Jensen curved an eyebrow up, considering Jared with a small
smile as he sank back on the couch and sipped from his mug. “I don’t think I’m
really the dark and mysterious one here.”
Jared cast his glances between Jensen and his hot chocolate as he tried to sort
this entire unexpected situation out. Logic and past experiences told him
Jensen should be, at the very least, running for the hills. He already said he
was raised in the church, hell, his father was fucking Pastor. Jensen didn’t
swear, he made people wear seat belts, he quoted Bible verse at bullies, and
yet he was somehow magically okay with Jared liking guys? “Isn’t being gay...
isn’t that against your religion?”
Understanding fluttered across Jensen’s features and he sighed softly, staring
down at his hot chocolate. “If being gay were against my religion, that would
mean some people were against my religion. I mean, how could we possibly call
ourselves a loving group, with a loving God, if we wrote off those whose
definition of love differs from our own?”
Back before Jared’s parents had discovered his secret, when Jared was still
trying to come to grips with it all, he had used the same type of logic. And,
deep down he knew it was true. It wasn’t really God he had an issue with,
because the God he had been raised to love would always love him in return. But
religion wasn’t God, Jared knew this, and religion had let him down so much in
the past.
“So... you have no problems with gay people?” Jared asked quietly, not entirely
sure he believed it. But then, Jensen was still sitting there, and he’d held
him while he bawled like a baby. “And, your family? Your dad?”
Jensen sighed once more and gave Jared one of those small, knowing smiles, like
he knew exactly what Jared was thinking and why he couldn’t possibly believe
that things would be so simple. “My dad has never turned away anyone from the
church, for what they believe or who they love. There’s so much hate in this
world, so much bad stuff happening all the time, the church should be a place
where everyone can come together and not have to worry about that all. It
should be a place of love and acceptance. My dad has prided himself in bringing
our congregation to that mindset.”
It was simple logic, not even really that far out there, but Jared was having a
hard time understanding. Because... if these people could love and accept
anyone, if they could welcome gays into their church, then that meant there
really must be something wrong with him. Why else would his family be unable to
love him still? “Why am I not worth it?”
The words hurt to say, panging through Jared’s chest like stones sinking lead
weights in his heart. When he finally forced his gaze up Jensen was watching
him with wide eyes and Jared thought maybe he understood that lead weight
feeling. “Not worth it?”
“My parents. My friends. Everyone I knew...” Jared sucked in a shaky breath and
tried to will back the tears he could feel forming once more. Wasn’t there a
limit for the amount of tears a person cried in a lifetime? Jared had reached
that limit, fucking flown past it straight on to a private little dam he could
fill with his tears. Lake Padalecki-woe. Jared was more than over it. “Can you
even imagine, what that’s like? To find out you only get turned on when you
think about guys? To be terrified that no one will accept that part of you? And
then to have that all come true because the people you’ve loved and depended on
your whole life can’t see beyond what a sick, disgusting, faggot you are?”
Jensen sucked in a sharp breath as Jared nearly spat the word faggot and it was
the first time Jared had really heard him reacting to any sort of swearing,
though he was sure the boy didn’t like hearing it. “You’re not... Jared, come
on, you don’t really believe you’re sick and disgusting do you? You’re just a
boy, just a young man, you’re still learning about yourself and life. What
happened with... it’s just horrible. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard. But,
you can’t let them make you hate yourself. You gotta believe you’re a whole lot
more than all that.”
If Jared had to guess, he’d say Jensen spent a lot of his time mildly idolizing
his father. Because the way he spoke now was like a young Pastor in training,
his words laced with a deep conviction that was almost passionate enough to
make Jared believe. But he could still hear the echo of his mother’s cold
hatred in his mind and when he closed his eyes he could still see his father’s
fist swinging toward him. “You don’t even know me. Fuck. Why does any of this
even matter to you? Why are you even here at all?”
It was so much easier to grasp onto that disbelief, so much easier than face
his own cold reality.
“Would you just-” Jensen snapped the words, sharper than Jared expected, but he
instantly softened as Jared stared wide eyed at him. “Stop trying to make me
hate you. I don’t know why you think it would be easier but just, knock it off.
You’re right, I don’t know you. But I’d like to. And if one day I decide to
hate you, it’s not going to be because you’re gay. Got it?”
Jared knew he was staring, again - still, whatever - and his mouth was slightly
open, but well. It seemed like all this boy was really good at was throwing
curve balls and Jared was having a really hard time not getting hit? by them.
He slumped back on the couch because all the argument was pulled from him. What
was the point in fighting Jensen? And fuck, did he even really want to? So
Jensen knew he was gay. And he didn’t freak out, he didn’t damn Jared to hell,
and he wasn’t about to bash his brains in.
Why couldn’t Jared just have this? Besides the whole being attracted to Jensen
thing, which was an issue but maybe not too big of one. Jared could bury those
feelings in light of finally having someone to talk to, to hang out with.
Definitely.
“Is your brain starting to hurt?” Jensen asked, his lips dancing up in the
slightest smirk.
Jared gaped for a moment more then got the joke and laughed, reaching out to
smack Jensen’s arm. “Shut up asshole. I’m just... I can’t get burned again, you
know? I seriously do not think I would make it through another fall out like
what I’ve been through. So I had to really consider it, being friends with
you.”
“And? Did you decide?” Jensen leaned casually back on the couch but Jared
thought he maybe looked a little nervous, like the answer was really important.
Swallowing thickly, Jared tried to feel a little less like he was giving away
his heart or something as he dipped his head in a nod. “Okay. Yeah. I um... I
might not always be good at it but I guess we can try and be friends.”
Jensen beamed at him and it was worth the way Jared felt just a little queasy.
“One condition though. No more of this deep serious shit tonight, okay? Let’s
watch some TV or just, anything but talk about the fucking madness that is my
past. Deal?”
Jensen’s smile softened. “Yeah. Deal.”
-= Jensen =-
“What are you grinning about?” Katie grumbled as she dropped into the desk
beside him, rubbing at her still sleep swollen eyes.
Jensen glanced her way with arched brows, trying not to let his grin shift into
a smirk. “Rough morning?”
“I was abducted in my sleep last night. They brought me home late.” Katie
shrugged dismissively. Jensen was pretty sure he didn’t believe the girl
whenever she discussed the whole, alien thing but sometimes - like now - she
sounded so serious Jensen wasn’t really sure what to think. “So, what gives?
Did you find Jesus in your toast this morning?”
“You’re not even funny you know,” Jensen grumbled but well, he was still
smiling, so Katie didn’t look too phased. “I just... had a really good evening,
that’s all.”
“Oh? Well color me curious.” Katie perked up instantly, glancing toward the
front of the room where Ms. Smith was just setting down her stuff then turning
to Jensen. “Wasn’t a youth group night, please tell me you finally have some
juicy details about some dirty little fling.”
Jensen’s brows rose slowly, his mouth dropping in time. “Um. Did you
temporarily forget who you were talking to or something?” Stretching across the
desk, he laid the back of his hand against Katie’s forehead. “Have you hit your
head or something?”
“The aliens, Jensen.” Katie eyed him and pulled back. “Whatever, I’m exhausted,
don’t give me shit and just tell me about your really good evening like I know
you want too.”
Apparently, Katie’s usually weird mood was even more unusual than normal and
Jensen stared for a long beat, wondering if he could figure out what was going
on with the girl. When she just stared back, looking more and more annoyed with
every passing second, Jensen finally sighed and gave in. He kind of really
wanted to talk about his evening. “I spent the evening with Jared, at Morgan
Ranch.”
The annoyance was instantly gone from Katie’s face, replaced by surprise.
“Really? Oh my god Jensen, why didn’t you call me and tell me?”
“It was after ten when I got home.” Jensen scooted back slightly from the girl,
a little concerned about the light sparkling in her eyes.
“You think I care? This is wake up worthy! I need to know everything, all the
little details, come on, tell me.” Katie inched her chair closer, her eyes
growing so wide with excitement that Jensen had shifted from concerned and
moved straight on to downright terrified. Maybe he should have kept his mouth
shut about the whole thing.
“Okay everyone, settle down,” Ms. Smith called out, finally stepping away from
her desk and eyeing them all. “Pull out your books, open to page forty five,
and let’s read some Verne.”
There was a collective groan that rose above the echo of books being nosily
flipped open but Jensen was mostly relieved. Their teacher had provided him a
distraction when he needed it most and now he could put off the entire
conversation about his evening spent with Jared until later. Much later.
But, seriously, he really did want to talk about it. Especially since it was
all he could think about. He’d gone home and laid in bed for hours, staring up
at the ceiling and picturing Jared’s smile - that had slowly grown brighter the
more comfortable they became with each other - remembering the warm notes of
his laugh as they watched stupid comedies and ate left over pasta.
From the moment he woke up his thoughts circled around all the little details
he learned about Jared the night before. How he enjoyed movies that made him
laugh until he couldn’t breathe and alternatively the kind you had to never
blink during so you didn’t miss a piece of the puzzle. He listened to every
type of music under the moon, unable to write off a certain genre, only certain
songs. And he ate, well, everything. More food then Jensen had ever seen a
person eat at least.
Even now, hours later - a whole different day - Jensen couldn’t help chuckling
under his breath as he thought about teasing Jared and the place he magically
stored all that food he shoveled down. Jared was so much more than Jensen ever
could have anticipated. He was funny and - the more he loosened up - he made
Jensen laugh more than he ever could remember.
“I’m pretty sure there’s nothing in Around the World in Eight Days worth a
smile like that,” Katie muttered, pulling Jensen from his thoughts with a wide,
knowing smile.
Jensen felt the flush of heat crawl up his cheeks and he rubbed along his skin
and shot his friend a look. He had no idea what she was talking about.
-====-
“Aren’t you hungry?” Jensen frowned as he watched Katie stabbing at her
potatoes, her fork swirling designs in the white mush.
Katie glanced up and sighed, pushing her tray away. “No. So, tell me about last
night. I want to hear all the facts, the down low, the juicy little 411.”
Jensen probably shouldn’t have said anything to the girl to remind her that
there was a conversation they were meant to have. “We hung out. There’s no...
411. And it’s certainly not juicy. Why would you even think that?”
Their gazes met for a moment and Jensen frowned as Katie’s blue eyes grew
impossibly wide then dropped down quickly.
“Hey.” Jared. Apparently, Katie wasn’t quite ready to extend her usually never
failing curiosity to an audience that included the person in question. “Um. Can
I... sit?”
Jensen stared at Katie for just a moment longer then twisted on the lunch
bench, smiling up at Jared. “Yeah, of course. Katie was just being nosy about
last night so, good time. Now you’ve embarrassed her and I think that’s a
rarity.”
“I am not embarrassed.” Katie shot Jensen a withering look then turned her gaze
to Jared, grin back in place. “Jensen was gushing about what an amazing time he
had.”
That flush of heat Jensen couldn’t explain was back and he pursed his lips,
focusing in on his food in front of him and shrugging. “It’s no big deal.”
“I think you can take credit for that blush Jared.” Katie reclaimed her lunch
tray, grabbing her fork and waving it at Jared. “People don’t make Jensen blush
all that often, Jared, I should like, get you a sticker. Or tell the aliens to
lay off for a few weeks.”
Jensen risked a glance over and rolled his lips together, trying not to grin.
Jared looked a little, well, terrified. Jensen didn’t really blame him. Katie
was a force to be reckoned with, but Jared could handle her. At least, Jensen
was pretty sure. “Did you get the Coke out of the floor?”
“No,” Jared groaned and smacked his palm into his forehead. Jensen could see
the hint of his smile and even though Jared was still wearing his usual black,
hair falling into his face, Jensen thought he maybe looked a little happier.
There was something like a squeak from the bench across from them and Jensen
watched Jared eye Katie then lean his way. “Is she gonna be okay?”
“Not in the seventeen years I’ve known her no,” Jensen muttered and grinned at
Jared. When he turned to face the boy it was to find him remarkably closer than
he had been before. “But um, she’s also right.”
“About the alien thing?” Jared smirked and sat back a little, turning to
finally pay attention to his lunch in front of him.
“Fuck yeah about the alien thing,” Katie jumped into the conversation once
more, waving her fork frantically and sending a piece of mashed potatoes flying
across the table toward them. “Mulder, boys. He was a wise man. He knew what he
was talking about. The truth is out there.”
Jensen blinked at Katie. If he were honest - and felt like being teased - he’d
fess up about having no idea at all who Mulder was. But Katie would never let
him live that down. So instead he turned to Jared again and smiled. “I had a
really great time last night.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Jared blushed and rubbed fingers along the back of his neck. “Um.
Me- me too. It was... yeah, it was a lot of fun. We should, we could hang out
again. Sometime. You know, if you want to.”
“Holy shit,” Katie whispered and exploded in giggles.
Jensen frowned at the girl then turned back to Jared. Apparently the girl had
more mental issues then Jensen previously realized. “Yeah, that sounds like...
a lot of fun. So um, soon right? I mean, maybe you’re free this weekend or
something?”
“Oh my god!”
“Um, okay.” Jared eyed Katie then smiled at Jensen. “Yeah, this weekend. Is she
gonna be okay? Because, I’m a little scared.”
“Katie?” Jensen was actually starting to get a little concerned on his friend’s
behalf. Mainly because, well, she looked like she might explode at any point.
Because it was Katie, and therefore anything could be happening, Jensen turned
to look over his shoulder and up at the early Fall sky. “Well, no little green
men.”
“You’re both idiots,” Katie huffed out and slammed her hand down on the table
top before pushing up to her feet and stalking off.
Jensen was relieved to see Jared’s jaw hanging wide open at the remark just as
his own was. “Um, we missed something?”
“I guess.” Jared shrugged and turned back to his food. “So, um, movies this
weekend? If there’s something out you want to see?”
“Yeah, okay.” Jensen grinned at Jared and turned slightly on the bench to face
him and ask him about his day thus far. Whatever Katie’s issue was, he’d figure
it out later.
-= Jared =-
Being friends with Jensen was never really in the cards for Jared. Except of
course, when he finally gave in to the entire thing and then suddenly Jensen
became his entire life. That was the type of person Jared was, had always been,
and he wasn’t sure why he’d let himself believe that this could just be a
casual thing.
It didn’t help that Jensen was kind of the most amazing person Jared had ever
met. Not just as a friend, as a general human being. He held doors for people,
carried bags for old ladies, said ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’ or ‘nice to see
you’ to damn near everyone, and that warm friendly smile was always in place.
But as great as he could seem to the outside world, those who watched him pray
before each lunch and stop bigger kids from picking on Freshmen, there was
nothing quite like being in his inner circle.
Jared was truthfully a little in awe of Jensen. Over the first month of their
real friendship Jared learned that Jensen didn’t really have bad days.
Sometimes, Jared would come to school and not even be able to lift his head,
not be able to force a greeting, the sadness and anger and loneliness too much
for him to bear. But Jensen, he was always smiling, always willing to listen,
and even the couple of times he got upset - when he witnessed a fight after
school, or heard about some state convection he didn’t agree with - he got over
it so fast it was like nothing happened.
The only real problem - and it was kind of big, glaring - was the fact that
getting to know Jensen wasn’t helping the crush thing Jared had going.
Actually, learning that the boy had a slightly unhealthy addiction to M&Ms and
had a deep rooted love for sci-fi/fantasy young adult books only seemed to make
that crush grow. Every time he laughed Jared’s heart picked up speed, every
time he grew quiet and focused on Jared - always giving his full attention
during a conversation - everything in Jared sped up to something near lethal.
It was... terrifying. Jared didn’t want to feel this way. The last time he had,
things had gone so badly, he’d lost his entire world. Jensen might be okay with
the gay thing now - and Jeff seemed to have no issues with them hanging out,
still always encouraging it - but Jared wasn’t foolish enough to think it would
stay that way should they be faced with the full reality of those feelings.
“You know, I’ve heard they’re going to make Pluto a planet again,” Katie said
casually around the straw of her milkshake. “This is probably a good thing. Any
life that may be hiding on that planet will maybe forgive us for shafting their
home land. Maybe they won’t be as hostile.”
Jared wasn’t really listening. And it had nothing to do with the parking lot he
was watching and the dark blue pickup he was hoping would appear.
“Personally, if I found out some science nerd on Pluto decided Earth wasn’t a
planet because we had an atmosphere. Well. I’d be pretty damn pissed. And just
downright offended,” Katie continued, munching around a french fry this time.
“Of course, Jensen would probably say we have no right to judge another culture
on their choices.”
At the name, Jared finally tore his eyes from the window and met the bright
blue of Katie’s. “Jensen what?”
Katie smirked and swirled another fry through her milkshake. “Jared, son,
you’ve got it bad.”
Being called out on the object of affection brought a blush to Jared’s cheeks
and he ducked his head, picking at the buttons on his shirt. It was still black
but it was nicer. And yeah they were just at some local diner were most of the
kids hung out, but well, Jared wanted to look kind of good. “I don’t have
anything. And it’s certainly not bad. I mean, the nothing. Because there is
nothing. Katie, stop looking at me like that.”
Sighing softly, Katie reached across the table and took Jared’s hand. It was
still something he was getting used to, letting others touch him - outside of
Jensen, and Jared couldn’t really go there - but he didn’t pull away from the
girl’s grip. “There is nothing wrong with having a crush, Jared. Especially on
someone like Jensen. He’s pretty amazing.”
Jared had already learned in the last month that keeping a secret from Katie
was damn near impossible. Along with the never ending weird she seemed to know,
Katie had an amazing ability to read people. Sometimes Jared thought she knew
everything about him and he’d never said a word. “I’m pretty sure crushing on
the Pastor’s kid is the very definition of wrong, Katie. No matter how
accepting they might be, it’s a completely different matter being gay
yourself.”
“Oh, Jared,” Katie sighed softly and squeezed his hand. “You can’t tell me you
really don’t know.”
“What?” Jared’s brows furrowed, lips pursing together as he tried to make sense
of the girl’s worlds. “What don’t I know?”
“My two favorite people!” Jensen cheered happily, dropping into the booth
beside Jared and nudging him to get him to scoot over. “Please tell me you
ordered me food when I texted and said I was on my way.”
Jared stared just a moment longer at Katie, even as her hand drew away, but
Jensen’s arm slinging over his shoulder was pretty damn distracting. Jared
watched him steal a fry and blinked a few more times for good measure. Katie
was full of it. Whatever she thought Jared didn’t know, it wasn’t what she was
thinking. “We waited an extra five minutes because it always takes you forever
to get here. If it didn’t take you so long to do your hair.”
“Hilarious,” Jensen drawled and munched loudly on Jared’s fry. “So what are we
talking about?”
“Oh um-”
“Pluto,” Katie interrupted Jared smoothly, smacking Jensen hard on the top of
his hand when he reached out for her fries. “I was just telling Jared how they
might make it a planet again. We were having a lively debate about whether the
local residents of Pluto would be pleased to hear it.”
Jensen glanced toward Jared with an arched brow, doubtful expression on his
face. “Oh really? You have opinions on the local residents on Pluto?”
“Uh... yeah.” Jared nodded and tried not to scoot out from under Jensen’s arm.
He liked it there, liked the solid warmth and comfort of it, but how could he
ignore the fact that it came hand in hand with the little tingling waves of
pleasure shooting down his spine? “Loads of opinions.”
Jensen snorted a laugh but didn’t comment further, mostly because the waitress
turned up with his food and he instantly drew his arm back and began devouring
the meal before him. Jared told himself it was good that the touch was gone,
but he couldn’t help leaning just a little closer to Jensen’s side. He wouldn’t
think about Katie’s words now, or ever, and really that was for the best.
-===-
“Heading out again tonight?” Jeff called, drawing Jared to a stop with his hand
on the front door.
Something a little like fear knotted up in Jared’s stomach and he swallowed
thickly, turning to face Jeff but looking away quickly. “Um, yeah. Is that- I
mean, Jen and I. Jensen, we were just gonna... he says he knows this field and-
”
“Jared,” Jeff sighed and crossed to him, stopping to reach out and grasp
Jared’s forearm. “It’s fine. You can go out with Jensen, do whatever, within
reason of course. Jensen’s a good kid, and you like him right? So go, have a
good time, I think it’s great how much you’ve been getting out there.”
Hearing Jeff encourage him made Jared flush for a variety of reasons but no
addressing it was so much easier. So Jared just nodded and smiled. “Jensen’s...
he’s really great. So, yeah, it has been great. Um... I won’t be too late or
anything.”
“Be as late as you want kid. You’re seventeen, go live it up,” Jeff threw his
head back with a laugh and nudged Jared to the door. “Just remember, you drink
anything? Give me a call. Don’t do anything stupid. Got it?”
“Got it.” Jared gave him a final smile, nodding once before turning and heading
out of the house.
He was maybe looking forward to this night more than he would admit. And well,
a good deal of it probably had to do with the fact that Katie, Mandy, and Matt
were all busy. Jared didn’t mind hanging out with them, Matt and Mandy were one
of those couples you rooted for to last a lifetime, but there really was
nothing like being with just Jensen. As far as Jared was concerned, it didn’t
happen enough.
So he was walking a little too fast out to the drive, smiling as he saw the
familiar pickup truck headed his way. Jensen never complained about picking
Jared up - not that Jared thought he would - but more than that, he seemed
genuinely pleased whenever Jared slid into the passenger seat. It was one of
those things Jared could never quite wrap his mind around, why Jensen wanted to
spend time with him at all, but he certainly wasn’t complaining.
“Hey, havin’ a good Saturday?” Jensen asked cheerfully as Jared closed the
passenger door and automatically tugged the belt over his lap.
“Sure.” Jared shrugged and slumped back against his seat, folding his arms over
his chest. “You?”
“I helped my mom make a bunch of cupcakes for a bake sale tomorrow.” Jensen
bounced slightly in his seat and Jared was pretty sure the boy had overdosed on
frosting. Which wasn’t so unusual. “So you ready for the meteor shower thing?”
“Yeah, definitely.” Jared nodded, glancing toward Jensen and away again.
Staring at Jensen was kind of Jared’s favorite pastime. “Why isn’t Katie coming
along? I figured she lived for this kind of thing.”
“Oh, she does. But her Uncle works in the astronomy field in Austin; whenever
there’s big showers or stuff she goes up there and stays so she can watch
through the super powered telescopes. I went a few years back, it was really
neat. But they obsess over it. He’s the reason she got into the UFO things in
the first place. Katie said he’s been telling her stories about sightings as
far back as she can remember and somehow that’s gotten her hooked. I can’t
imagine being so... wow. You’re supposed to stop me when I talk that much all
at once Jared.”
Jared’s heart flip-flopped in his chest like a fish on dry land when Jensen
shot him a wide, self deprecating smile. He couldn’t help grinning back, Jensen
just brought out that part of him. “I kind of like watching you babble though.
You get all flustered and stuff.”
“And flustered is a good look on me?” Jensen eyed Jared then laughed, pulling
off the main road and leading them down an unpaved dirt road instead. “Good to
know my embarrassment pleases you Jared. You get off on my discomfort or
something?”
There was no part of Jared prepared for Jensen talking about the ways he got
off. Jensen’s words seemed to catch up with him after a moment though because
his cheeks grew even darker in the light of the setting sun and he shot a
glance toward Jared then looked quickly away. For his part, Jared stared hard
out the window and chose not to say anything at all on the subject. It really
seemed safest.
“Um. I brought some cupcakes, from my mom,” Jensen muttered after a while, a
tentative peace offering for his epic fail. “You like them right?”
Jared laughed softly and slumped against the door so he could turn and stare at
Jensen. “Yeah, of course. Who doesn’t like cupcakes?”
“Crazy people, that’s who,” Jensen said easily and grinned at Jared.
No matter how extremely epic his crush might be, Jared wouldn’t trade a moment
of spending time with Jensen and that grin? It was probably the reason why.
-===-
“The skies weren’t this clear at home,” Jared murmured, his voice barely above
a whisper. Jensen was laying on the blanket beside him, a blanket over them,
and the meteor shower above them was in full display. It was one of the most
remarkable things Jared had ever seen - but not the most beautiful. No, that
title went to the boy at Jared’s side.
“One of the major downsides to big cities I guess.” Jensen was just as quiet
and a moment later his head came to rest on Jared’s shoulder.
It was enough to send that rippling wave of heat through Jared once more and he
sucked in a slow breath, hoping Jensen wouldn’t notice any sort of difference.
“I used to think I’d go a bit crazy living in a town like this. It’s um,
surprisingly nice. How everyone seems to know everyone, and mostly they’re all
friendly too.”
“Mostly.” Jensen laughed softly before they fell into an easy silence once
more.
Jared savored how it was comfortable, how he didn’t feel like he had to fill
the void, how he could just pretend that this was something more. It probably
wasn’t so smart to let his mind go there but Jensen was a pleasant warmth at
his side and Jared couldn’t ignore it. There was nothing wrong with just
pretending right? No one could know his thoughts, they wouldn’t freak out about
them, and Jared would stay safe.
Thinking that was probably the very reason everything changed.
“Jared?” Jensen whispered and it somehow sounded different from the quiet words
before.
Enough so that Jared shifted, rolling to his side when Jensen pulled back and
did the same, bringing their gazes together. For just a moment Jared could see
a shooting star reflected in Jensen’s frames then it was just the deep green,
almost too dark to really distinguish. “Yeah?” He finally breathed, feeling the
weight of the moment like something heavy pressing in on his chest. Something
was happening and Jared was pretty sure he wasn’t ready for it.
He was right, too. Because in the next moment Jensen was leaning forward. Jared
could see it coming, could feel Jensen moving forward, but he couldn’t get
himself to move, let alone breathe. Warning sirens were blaring in his mind -
don’t let him do this, he’s straight, he’s caught in the moment - but they
couldn’t really be heard over the part of Jared’s brain that was wholly focused
on Jensen’s always naturally plush lips.
Even if Jared knew it was coming, the first initial touch sparked through him
like little bursts of electricity. Jared had kissed two people in his life, one
female and one male, and neither came anywhere close to comparing to this
simple touch. Jensen’s lips were slightly cool from the night air, gentle and
moving against his own, and Jared couldn’t resist rolling in slightly to press
just a little deeper.
Jensen met the touch easily, his lips parting and sliding with something like
force across Jared’s, and Jared slid his fingers back into Jensen’s hair to
keep him there. How could he not? He’d been dreaming of this, maybe from the
moment he met Jensen, and resisting it now was an impossibility.
And then he moaned.
Jared would never know why that was the thing to snap some sanity into Jensen.
The moment seemed to catch up with him like a fist into the gut or something.
All at once Jensen was breaking the kiss, sucking in a sharp breath and
clambering up off the ground.
“Oh. Oh no. I can’t- that’s- oh my God.”
For some reason hearing even the minor swear falling from Jensen’s lips was the
very thing that brought tears immediately to Jared’s eyes. He fell onto his
back and let his lids drop closed, sucking in a pained breath. Of course Jensen
was freaking out.
Because it was okay to accept a gay friend. A gay kid who’d had a shit life and
really needed someone to hold him up, help him out. But to be gay? Jared knew
exactly what that felt like. It was dirty, and wrong, and maybe the worst thing
that had ever happened to him.
Except, maybe, losing Jensen. That one was going to hurt.
***** Chapter 4 *****
-= Jensen =-
There was no possible way Jensen was going to keep himself from freaking out.
Even though some part of his brain was screaming a warning at him - something
he clearly should be paying attention to. It was just, he’d kissed Jared. And
it was soft and sweet and his very first kiss and possibly better than anything
he’d ever felt before. But it was with a boy and that was just, too much. It
felt like that was something he should have realized before, that he’d want to
kiss a boy at all, and the shock of it all was leaving him gasping for breath
as he paced in the open field.
Until, of course, Jared’s quiet voice broke him from that massive impending
freak out. “Will you take me home?”
The screaming warning in Jensen’s brain finally took center stage and Jensen
slowly turned to his friend, guilt twisting his gut at Jared’s down turned
gaze. After all his work, all the time spent building up a friendship, becoming
closer, he’d gone and messed everything up in some moment of insanity that he
couldn’t begin to define. “Jared-”
“It’s just,” Jared cut him off with a sharp look, arms sliding protectively
over his chest in a gesture familiar on the boy. “We’re really far from Jeff’s.
And, I don’t think I know how to get there if I walked. So could you please,
take me home?”
Jensen bit down on his lip - why was it still tingling? that made no sense -
and forced himself to nod slowly. “Yeah, okay. I... Jared? I’m so sor-”
“Don’t.” Once more Jared was interrupting him but this time it was with a sharp
inhale and a hand gestured out toward him. “Please. Don’t.”
It didn’t seem fair that he wasn’t getting a chance to apologize, but maybe
Jared was going through his own sort of freak out. Even though he really did
like guys, it probably didn’t always make it all that easy to just go around
kissing them. Especially ones that you trusted to be your friend.
So he nodded and walked silently over to the discarded blankets, gathering them
up and carrying them back to the truck. And it wasn’t until after he’d dropped
Jared off - after a painfully silent ride and an awkward goodbye in which they
didn’t make plans for the future, like they usually always did - that Jensen
let himself replay the moment. Just to see if he could figure out what had
happened, how he’d ended up in that position.
That was about the moment he realized Jared’s fingers had been in his hair.
Jared had been kissing him in return. Jared had moaned. And Jensen had pushed
him away and freaked out and used God’s name in vain like he never, ever did.
All those things Jared had been through in his life - the story Jensen didn’t
even know all the details of - and that was the way Jensen had reacted?
“Dear God,” Jensen whispered and rolled over in bed, burying his head in the
pillow and finishing his prayer silently. He needed to figure out what to do,
and probably pretty quickly, because there was a chance his lips were still
tingling and that seemed somehow really important.
-===-
“Jesus, Jen, where’s the fucking fire?” Katie was nearly panting as she threw
his bedroom door open, startling Jensen enough he jumped mid-pace and spun to
her.
“Katie, please. Can you not speak like that in my room? I put up with it
everywhere else but there’s no reason you need to use language like that in my
own private place. I like to keep it, you know, a special place.” There was the
possibility that Jensen was stalling. He was no more ready to talk about the
kiss now - a whole day later - than he had been the night before.
But, his best friend was wise and knew him well and the expression on her face
softened as she stepped stepped closer to him. “What happened Jensen?”
For the better part of the day - church excluded - Jensen had been hiding in
his room. He didn’t want to talk to his parents, not yet, which just made him
feel worse because usually there was nothing he didn’t want to talk to his
folks about. Katie had been the only person he could think of discussing this
with - besides Jared, but his text that morning had gone unanswered, so... -
and one he was pretty sure wouldn’t freak out. Not too much at least.
Definitely not more than his current level.
“Jen?” Katie murmured and directed him to the bed, dropping beside him and
rubbing his back soothingly. “I just sped all the way here from Austin when I
heard your message on the machine. So, you wanna tell me why I risked my life?”
Swallowing thickly, Jensen stared down at his hands, trying to work up the
courage to get the words out. It was just Katie. She had no problem with gay
people. Not that Jensen was gay. “I kissed Jared last night.”
His entire body tensed, waiting for some type of explosion from the girl or
something, but those fingers on his back just continued to rub soothingly as
she hummed. “And... did he kiss you back?”
Jensen released all the air from his lungs in one large whoosh. It wasn’t what
he expected but it was Katie, he shouldn’t have tried to determine how she
might react. “Yeah. He um, he definitely did.” Jensen’s lips twitched in a
smile - because, well, he’d already determined that had to be a good thing -
but then he turned to Katie and shook his head. “But, Katie, you don’t
understand. I. I freaking lost it. He had his hand in my hair and he moaned and
I pushed him away and jumped off the blanket. Then, oh Katie, I swore.”
“Whoa.” For the first time Katie looked surprised and she turned to face him,
drawing her leg up on the bed between them so their knees rested together. “And
then what? I mean, honestly, I’m not all that surprised you freaked out, but I
had sort of thought you put it together.”
Brow furrowing, Jensen stared at Katie for a long moment before groaning.
“Figured what out? Of course I freaked Katie. I kissed Jared. I kissed a boy.
I’ve never kissed anyone and my first time is with a boy? That’s- why? Why
would I do that?” Katie’s eyebrows rose with disbelief, her eyes widening, and
Jensen huffed out a humorless laugh. “Oh, come on Katie. You can’t- you don’t
think I’m gay.”
“Jensen,” Katie sighed out his name, making it sound ten times longer than it
usually was. She patted his thigh and Jensen watched a smirk play at the corner
of her lips. “I thought you knew.”
“Shut up!” Jensen nearly squeaked the words - which probably didn’t help his
protest, in all honesty - and smacked Katie’s arm. “I- this is crazy. I’m not
gay! I... I’m just... I’m not.”
Once again Katie sighed and this time it kind of sounded pained. Her fingers
slid up through her long blonde hair and she rolled her shoulders back. Jensen
had seen this look before, whenever Katie was preparing for a major argument -
usually extraterrestrial themed - and she had no intention of losing it. “When
was the last time you looked at a girl and got turned on, Jensen? It’s just you
and me here, be honest, you know I’ll know if you’re lying.”
Jensen flushed and ducked his head, rubbing the back of his neck. “Come on
Katie. I don’t, can we please not talk about this?”
“Think about Jared naked. Think about him laying you out on a bed, crawling
over your body, dipping in and kissing you. Think about his hand under your
shirt and on your skin.” Katie didn’t blink with the words, didn’t even
hesitate, and Jensen was embarrassed enough he kind of wanted to climb into the
closet until she went away. And, hah, irony.
But under the embarrassment, sizzling and growing steadily, was a heat that
Jensen hadn’t really ever felt before. Katie was right, he didn’t look at
girls. But it had never fazed him because he’d simply thought he was saving
himself. That was what the silver ring on his finger was for after all. Saving
himself for that one person he felt strongly enough to take that step. And it
had never been a problem because he’d never found a girl that had made him
question those personal vows.
Thinking about Jared though, Katie’s words echoing through his mind, and Jensen
couldn’t really deny exactly where the flush was coming from. It was arousal,
more than just that primal urge all teenage boys got and dealt with quick and
dirty in the shower. This was full-fledged mental images with Jared’s black and
red hair falling down over him, those warm lips sending tingling pleasure down
his body, Jensen’s fingers over the tattoos he’d never been able to see
completely. Jensen had never been so turned on before.
“Oh my gosh,” Jensen whispered, scooting back on the bed and grabbing his
pillow to tug over his lap. The last thing he wanted was Katie seeing him
turned on. His eyes were wide and he stared hard at Katie. “I think I’m gay.”
Katie rolled her lips together then slowly smiled, reaching out to stroke
fingers down his arm and nod. “Yeah, Jen, you really are. And you’ve got it so
bad for Jared it’s not even funny. But I mean, he’s got it pretty bad for you
too. So that’s good.”
“His parents kicked him out Katie. They saw, something, I don’t know, something
that outed him and they lost it. It’s why he lives with Jeff and everything.
And then last night, I completely lost it. If he ever talks to me again I’m
going to be shocked,” Jensen whispered, his mind still a little too blown to
process everything. But at least he was losing his hard on, that was something.
“I was wondering,” Katie murmured and sighed, sinking back on the bed beside
Jensen. “Well, dam- shoot.” Katie shot him a look and a bright smile. “You’ll
make it up to him. You just have to prove to him that freaking out wasn’t
because he’s gay. You freaked because you’re an idiot who apparently had a
closet complex bigger than Tom Cruise. But, now you’ve figured it out, and you
and Jared can explore this whole, into each other thing.”
Jensen’s heart fluttered with the thought. He nodded slowly but couldn’t quite
let himself believe that it would be that easy. “I should talk to my parents
first.”
Katie groaned and rolled over onto her stomach. “Has anyone ever told you,
you’re kind of a goody two shoes? Seriously. Being so proper must be
exhausting. I really hope Jared dirties you up some.”
That flush was back on Jensen’s cheeks and he grabbed his pillow, using it to
smack hard against the girl’s face. Even if she was kind of right. And maybe
Jensen kind of hoped the same thing.
-= Jared =-
Every time Jared closed his eyes he saw Jensen moving toward him, then those
wide green eyes as he jumped up and paced away. The haunting echo of that swear
word falling from the usual peaceful boy kept zinging around his mind and Jared
couldn’t take it. Which was probably the reason Jared didn’t get any sleep at
all, and why he was out at the barn just as the sun was rising, sweeping out
the stalls.
The last thing he wanted was Jeff being upset for any reason, the man being
decent to him seemed to be the only good thing Jared had going for his life. He
focused in on cleaning every inch of the floor because it was so much easier
than thinking about losing Jensen. One month. He’d had one month of thinking
maybe his entire life wasn’t going to fall apart, maybe he really could be
okay, and then one little slide of lips - with the accompanying tingle spark
flare of pleasure - and it was all over.
“Early morning, eh? Didn’t even hear you come in last night,” Jeff was quiet
from the barn doorway but Jared still jumped and the man chuckled softly.
“Sorry. Saw you head out this way, thought you could use some coffee.”
Jared forced a smile and turned to Jeff, setting the broom against the stall
and crossing his way. “I tried to be quiet. Last night I mean. Um, thanks. For
the coffee.”
Jeff’s brows slowly rose as he watched Jared and before, Jared would have sworn
he wasn’t so easy to read. “Everything okay?”
Maybe Jared was just exhausted. Maybe he was scared that Jensen would turn up
and tell Jeff the whole story and it would just be worse. Whatever, Jared
couldn’t stop the bubbling rise of words tumbling through him and a beat later
he exploded.
Over the course of at least an hour Jared paced the length of the barn, telling
Jeff about Jensen, about the boy that had swept in and stolen Jared’s heart
like some cliched 80’s romcom. Jeff likely didn’t need to know how Jared’s
heart raced when Jensen smiled at him or how he could sit and listen to Jensen
talk about even something like Bible verse for hours without getting bored. But
Jared told it all anyway, not stopping until he came to the previous night and
the still too fresh memories.
With a heavy sigh he dropped down onto the bench that Jeff had sat on and
dropped his head into his hands. “Then he kissed me,” Jared whispered and tears
stung along his eyes. “And I thought, for just a second I thought maybe he felt
just like I did. Only he doesn’t. It was just a random thing. And I just don’t
know if I can handle losing someone else again.” At the thought Jared looked up
sharply, blinking the tears from his eyes as he stared at Jeff. “Please don’t
be mad at me. I really- it wasn’t supposed to happen. I told myself, when I
came here, I wouldn’t let it happen again.”
“Damnit Gerry,” Jeff hissed, his fist slamming so hard on the bench between
them that Jared nearly jumped up to his feet. Jeff blew out a low breath and
dragged his fingers roughly back through his hair before continuing. “Sorry. I
just. Jared, I’m gonna tell you something I think you need to hear. What your
parents did to you? Your family and friends? It’s fucking shit. I’ve watched
you grow up over the years and you were always so full of life, so carefree. I
hate that their blind hatred has taken all of that away from you.”
It was the first time someone had really stuck up for Jared. Sure, Jensen had
never scorned him, never called him filthy names or anything, but he hadn’t
told Jared he really was okay being like he was. Not in so many words. Not like
Jeff was then, once more bringing tears to Jared eyes. But this time, they were
good tears. He lunged forward and threw his arms around Jeff, pulling him in
for a tight hug because he couldn’t tell Jeff how much the words really meant
to him.
Jeff hugged him back, just as hard, wrapping his arms tight around Jared and
clutching him. “I know you hate so much about your life right now Jared, but
you just have to have a little faith. There are places, people, that will
accept you for who you are and make your life so great. I can promise you
that.”
Sniffing softly, Jared pulled back and wiped at the tears under his eyes. He
believed Jeff, he really did, but it seemed like that time for him would be a
long time away. Especially now, in the wake of the fall out with Jensen. “How
can you just be okay with this? I don’t... I mean, I understand Jensen, and his
family I guess. They believe in love in their religion and they really don’t
want to hold judgment against others. But, you’re not like them, so why?”
A sad smile played across Jeff’s face until he scrubbed it away with the drag
of his palm over his face. “Jared.” Jeff blew out a low sigh and straightened
up, leaning his back against the wall of the barn. “I’m gay.”
Of all the things Jeff could have said, that was the last thing Jared expected.
But he supposed it should have made sense. Jeff was a great guy, why would he
be single with no real reason? A thousand questions exploded in Jared’s mind
but he just stared at Jeff, eyes opening and closing as he adjusted to the
news. “But... my family. I mean, you’re my dad’s best friend.”
“I was.” Jeff nodded, sad smile on his lips. “You haven’t notice my absence in
the last couple of years? He didn’t react much better to learning about my
preferences than he did yours. Guess that’s part of the reason you ended up
here with me in the first place. So, as you can see, I know how it feels to be
cut off from someone you truly cared for. Maybe not as bad as you but, hell,
I’ve known your dad my entire life nearly.”
Jared hadn’t realized just how much he had in common with Jeff and he suddenly
felt immensely relieved to have the man there with him now. Everything didn’t
feel quite so horrible, quite so intense. He tilted to the side and fell
against Jeff’s side, letting his head rest on the man’s shoulder. “I’m sorry
that happened to you.”
“Yeah. I’m sorry it happened to you too,” Jeff said softly, letting his arm
hook around Jared’s shoulder. “We’ll be okay though, right? We just keep moving
along and eventually, it’s not so bad.”
A brief smile flickered on Jared’s lips but faded just as quickly. Even knowing
Jeff was there to support him, understood what he was going through, didn’t
really make losing Jensen in easier. “You think Jensen hates me now?” He asked
quietly, lifting his head from Jeff’s shoulder and letting it thump back
against the wall. “I just wanted to be his friend. I didn’t mean to... I wasn’t
trying to fall for him or anything. You think maybe he’ll forgive me?”
“Jared, kid,” Jeff laughed softly and reached out, dropping his hand on Jared’s
knee and squeezing. “I listened to your entire story and I’m not entirely sure
you heard everything you were saying.”
“Of course I did.” Jared frowned and rolled his head along the barn wall,
letting his gaze settle on Jeff. “What do you mean?”
“He. Kissed. You. Right?” Jeff smiled and stood, patting Jared’s shoulder.
“Give it some time Jared. Give Jensen a chance to clear his mind and think
things through. He’s a good kid, he’ll figure it out.”
Jared wasn’t entirely sure that he believed Jeff - wasn’t even sure he wanted
to believe it - but at least with Jeff there, it didn’t feel quite as hollow as
it had the night before.
-= Jensen =-
There’d never been a time in Jensen’s life when he’d been concerned about how
his parents might react to something needed to speak with them about. And well,
truthfully, Jensen had never had anything all that important to tell them. This
though, it was beyond important. Katie had suggested he wait a few days, sort
things out, but he didn’t want that. Or really, couldn’t, because he wanted to
talk to Jared so badly but wouldn’t feel right doing that without speaking to
his parents first.
It was possibly the first time Jensen had really truly been annoyed with that
goody two shoes thing Katie teased him about. Most of Jensen wasn’t that
concerned about his parent’s reactions - he’d always been honest about Jared’s
preferences and they’d never reacted badly - but it had to be different,
knowing your own son was gay.
How did a person even begin telling their parents that they liked guys?
“Um, are you guys busy?” Jensen hovered just outside the kitchen, watching his
parents move around each other as they cooked Sunday dinner together as they
had every Sunday for years.
“Never too busy for you honey.” Donna smiled brightly at him and turned, waving
him in. “Come stir the batter for the muffins.”
“Actually I. I kind of need to talk to you. It’s... important.” Jensen knew he
was whispering, his head ducked down as he slid a step into the kitchen. They
were going to know something was wrong with him right away; there was no
getting out of it now.
“Well, son, you know you can talk to us about whatever you want,” Alan said
softly and set down the knife he was using to chop onions, walking around the
counter and pulling out the stool under the counter. “Come have a seat.”
Jensen was hyping himself up about the entire thing. It was impossible not to.
The only thing more nerve wracking than talking to parents about this whole
thing was talking to Jared. How would the boy even believe him after his
massive freak out? “Okay well um,” Jensen sighed shakily and crossed to the
stool, sinking down slowly and laying his hands flat palms down on the smooth
counter top. “I guess I should just come out and say it. I uh, I’ve been, um.
Something happened to me this weekend and it kind of put everything into a new
perspective. See um... I think, no, I’m pretty sure... I like- I- I’m gay.”
Nerves had him nearly shouting the words and they echoed mockingly in the
kitchen in the reigning silence after his explosion. Jensen was staring holes
into the counter top, praying that God would send some breathtaking miracle
that would distract his parents from his crazy sounding words. Each breath he
pulled in felt painful and each exhale was audible. Jensen was going to pass
out from the high pulse of adrenaline and fear pumping through him.
What would he do if his parents really did freak out? What if his family
disowned him like Jared’s had? He had been so sure they wouldn’t but the
silence continued and he couldn’t get himself to look up and see how they were
reacting, if there was shock or disgust covering their features.
Just around the time he started wondering if Jeff would possibly let him move
in if he agreed to take on all the duty of caring for the horses, his dad
cleared his throat. Tension had Jensen’s body tightening, his eyes finally
falling closed. “Are you sure, Jensen? Have you really thought about this?
Prayed about it?”
Jensen was a little surprised by the flash of annoyance he felt at his father’s
words. It was probably just thinking about his conversations with Jared from
before, how Jared’s family had used religion to disgrace him. Jensen forced
himself to take a few steadying breaths to even out the irritation before
answering, “Yeah, Dad, I have. I mean, I’ve been praying about it from the
moment Jared and I-” Jensen’s eyes shot open and up to his dad, widening then
darting down once more. “Um. Anyway. It’s been on my mind a lot and I think...
maybe I’ve known for a while. I just, didn’t really know, you know?”
“It’s a lot to process, I’m sure you’ve felt very overwhelmed,” Donna said
softly and moved around the counter, leaning beside Jensen and laying her hand
on the back of his head to stroke his hair softly. That touch alone made
everything in Jensen soften. “You know you can talk to us about any of this.
We’ll love you no matter what Jensen.”
Of course, Jensen had always known that. He shouldn’t have really doubted in
the first place, but he’d seen just how bad it could go. So when he looked up
at his dad and found the man smiling softly, understanding, at him, Jensen took
a deep breath and explained. It was remarkably easy to get it all out,
especially since he’d already told his parents things about Jared over the last
month.
Really it was just filling in some of the little pieces - within reason - and
talking about the kiss the night before. Only now that he’d had some time to
think about it, talk to Katie about it, freaking out wasn’t really part of the
picture. “It wasn’t long. Just barely a kiss I guess. But it felt... man. I
don’t even really know how to properly say it. Maybe just that it felt right.
Of course I completely freaked out afterward and I think I hurt Jared a lot by
that, but I just needed the time to sort myself out. So um, you guys aren’t
upset with me?”
Jensen watched as his parents shared one of those knowing looks and it made him
smile. He’d always hoped to have that one day but had figured not looking was
just some conscious decision to wait until he was older. It was oddly relieving
to learn that was nearly the truth. He hadn’t really been looking but maybe,
with Jared, that right person had just kind of stumbled into his life.
“No, we’re not upset with you Jensen.” Donna smiled and pulled him into a hug,
kissing the top of his head. “We’re very relieved you’ve been honest with us.
And I hope you know that even if this is all new and different to you, you
don’t have to keep it all bottled in.”
“We might not be exactly familiar with the subject but we can learn.” Alan
laughed and scooped Jensen into a hug once Donna had released him. “I’m
impressed with how brave you were to tell us.”
Jensen was modest enough to blush and he grinned as he stepped back from them.
“Well, I know it can go bad sometimes, like with Jared and his family. But it’s
not like you guys didn’t raise me to be honest and all.”
As his parents laughed Jensen’s grin grew bigger. There was no telling how
Jared was going to react tomorrow at school - if he’d even talk to Jensen for
that matter - but at least he had his parents supporting him.
-= Jared =-
No part of Jared was really prepared for school Monday morning. It was like the
first day all over again, only worse because then Jared had known - for just a
little while - what it was like to not feel so alone. He’d already psyched
himself up to the point of massive freak out along the walk - even though Jeff
had offered him a ride, Jared needed a chance to clear his mind or something.
It didn’t really work, since it only added to the paranoid delusions that were
rapidly building up in him.
By the time he was walking through the front door, his head was wiping from
side to side expectantly, as if Katie would be waiting there to tackle him.
Maybe Jared had only thought Jensen had kissed him. Maybe Jared had actually
done the kissing. Maybe Jared had full out attacked Jensen or something and
they’d swarm him with cops and handcuffs the minute he got there.
Could a person get thrown in jail for rape kisses?
But after he’d made it the full length of the front hallway, being ignored by
everyone who passed by him as usual, the tension in Jared’s shoulders began to
ease just slightly. Jensen was a nice guy, maybe he was willing to give Jared a
chance by just... not mentioning it at all. He was pretty sure they wouldn’t be
able to be friends anymore but Jensen not attacking him in some way, well,
Jared could almost be okay with that.
Until of course he rounded the corner to his locker and there was Jensen. It
wasn’t the first time Jensen had been waiting for him there - actually it was a
pretty common occurrence - but Jared wasn’t really ready for this. They
couldn’t have a conversation about this out here in the hallway, Jensen
wouldn’t do that to Jared, so the boy waiting for him seemed like a bad omen.
“Jared, hey.” Jensen pushed off the locker as Jared approached, sliding fingers
along the back of his neck in a familiar, nervous gesture. “Um. Look, I should
have called you. I just... figured you wouldn’t have answered.”
“You think?” Jared nearly flinched at the hard edge of his voice. That wasn’t
how he intended on sounding. But he couldn’t help being defensive. Why did
Jensen want to call him anyway? Was he planning some sort of intervention with
his Pastor father or something? “You’re in front of my locker.”
“Oh um, right.” Jensen nodded quickly and stepped back, a heavy sigh falling
from his lips. “Look, I know you’re really upset with me. And, man, I
understand why Jared. The way I reacted, it was... it was awful. I kind of lost
it. But I’ve done a lot of thinking over the weekend and praying and I-”
“Can we not?” Jared interrupted and this time the sharpness of his words was
completely intended. It was hearing Jensen saying praying, knowing exactly what
that would mean. Maybe Jensen had some grand idea of fixing Jared, praying for
his soul or something. Jared couldn’t hear it. “I don’t want to talk about this
Jensen.”
Jared glanced the boy’s way just long enough to watch something like pain flash
across Jensen’s face before looking away quickly. Some little part of Jared was
vindicated, Jensen deserved to feel some pain, Jared hated always being the one
suffering alone.
“Please, Jared, we can’t just-” Jensen stepped forward, grasping Jared’s sleeve
tightly. “Listen to me. You’re my friend, one of the closest I’ve ever had. And
you can’t just push me away now. I’m not like your family. I’m not gonna give
up on you just because you’re gay!”
Jared didn’t think Jensen was trying to draw attention to them but he’d always
been passionate about things, and his voice had gotten louder, the words
echoing around the suddenly silent hallway. For just a moment Jared closed his
eyes, pulling in a slow breath to quell back the urge to turn and run. When he
finally managed to force them open once more Jensen had clearly realized his
mistake, his eyes wide as he slowly looked around at the kids lingering in the
hall, staring at Jared.
“Thanks, Jensen,” Jared whispered, tugging his sleeve free from Jensen’s grasp
and turning to his locker. His cheeks were burning with the flush of
embarrassment, his eyes stinging with tears. All it would take were these few
kids who’d heard Jensen’s outburst, the entire school would know by the end of
the day, probably before. And Jared would go from the mostly invisible dark kid
to the gay boy.
Forcing himself to stay in the hallway was rapidly becoming an impossibility.
“Jared, I am so sorry,” Jensen said quietly, stepping closer to Jared’s side.
“It’s- it’ll be okay. People aren’t so bad here. They won’t freak out.”
“What? Like you didn’t freak out?” Jared snapped, rounding on Jensen and
letting him see the tears glistening in his eyes. “Do me a favor, Jensen, and
leave me alone. Stop fucking up my life, I can manage that all on my own.”
And that was about enough for Jared. He turned quickly from Jensen and ducked
his head down, hurrying down the hallway and out of the school building.
-===-
Because Jared’s luck was, well, Jared’s luck, it started raining shortly after
lunch. He hadn’t gone home, talking to Jeff seemed like just too much even if
the guy was supportive, and had been resting on the swings when the clouds
opened up. Seconds flat and he was drenched. Jared didn’t even have the energy
to be annoyed as he pushed up to his feet and headed out of the park.
By the time he made it home he was going to be soaked to the bone. Part of him
felt it was kind of justly deserved or something. Maybe he’d catch pneumonia
and die of complications, at least that’d be an end to all this heartache.
“Jared?” Jeff’s voice broke through the rain, loud enough to have Jared
stopping and looking toward him. “Boy? Are you some type of crazy? Come on out
of the rain.”
Dropping his head once more, Jared turned and slowly trudged toward Jeff and
his waiting truck. Jeff didn’t come into town all that often so Jared had no
doubt the school had called him. Which was really the last thing he needed, to
be in trouble on top of all of this. Jeff didn’t really seem like the type to
ground Jared or anything - not that it really would have mattered, Jared’s
social calendar was suddenly very clear - but there was a pretty good
likelihood he’d get a handful of chores or something as punishment.
Sliding silently into the passenger seat, Jared dropped his backpack between
his legs and automatically reached out for the seat belt - something Jensen had
somehow ingrained in him after only a month hanging out together. Thinking
about Jensen made Jared felt that tight pinch of pain again and Jared closed
his eyes and let his head fall against the window.
“Jared,” Jeff sighed softly, hand dropping to Jared’s shoulder and squeezing.
“I know it’s hard kid, I know some days are worse, but I trust you to walk to
school and actually stay there. Your education is important. And I don’t want
to lose that trust in you but if-”
“Jensen outted me,” Jared interrupted. He seemed to be getting pretty good at
that, cutting people off to keep from hearing things he’d rather not hear, like
Jeff lecturing him about trust.
“He outted you?” Jeff shifted in his seat, his voice quiet and tense. “What? To
the school?”
Jared forced himself up, turning to face Jeff. He didn’t really want the man to
hate Jensen or something, which didn’t make sense, except for the fact that he
couldn’t really handle the idea of hating Jensen either. “He didn’t mean too.
We were... in the hall. He was trying to talk to me and I didn’t want to hear
it. Sometimes he just gets a little... passionate or something, and he spoke
too loudly. People heard. The entire school will know by now I’m sure. I just
couldn’t stay there today. I couldn’t face that.”
“I see.” Jeff blew out a low breath, sliding his fingers back through his hair
then letting it drop heavy on the steering wheel. “Well, I guess I can excuse
you for today. But you’ve got to go back tomorrow, Jared. I understand, it
sucks, and I’m sorry Jensen did that to you but hiding away isn’t going to help
things.”
“Can’t I just drop out? I could get my GED. Then I’d be out of your hair sooner
rather than later, I could just go get a job or something.” Jared had actually
been debating that option for a good majority of the day but he couldn’t say if
it was the idea of going back to that school again or the idea of having to
face Jensen once more that scared him more. He didn’t know what Jensen’s game
was and he most certainly didn’t want to play it.
Jeff sighed - like he did whenever Jared seemed to say something that made him
sad - and reached out to curl his fingers over Jared’s arm. “You’re not in my
hair Jared. Look, why don’t you come home with me now, we’ll get you dry and
spend the evening watchin’ bad horror flicks or something. Then tomorrow you go
back to school and for the rest of the week. If it’s shit, if you don’t think
you can take it, then we’ll discuss things further. Sound like a deal?”
It was the best Jared was going to get, he knew that, so he gave Jeff a small
smile and nodded, slumping back against the door. It wasn’t until after Jeff
had started them down the road once more that Jared spoke up again. “Did the
school call you?”
“Actually.” Jeff glanced over and Jared looked up, letting their gazes meet for
a moment. “Jensen gave me a call. He was a little worried about you.”
Jared groaned and slumped against the door again. “Why can’t he just leave me
alone?”
“That what you want?” Jeff asked quietly and well, Jared wasn’t really sure he
knew how to answer.
-= Jensen =-
“The look on his face. Oh, Katie, why do I have to be so stupid? I completely-
it was like, worse than after the kiss. I completely betrayed his trust and
confidence. It was like I crushed him right there in that moment.” Jensen
pursed his lips, ducking his head down because his eyes were starting to sting
from fresh tears and scanning the hallways was getting difficult.
“Jensen,” Katie dragged out his name in a sigh - like she did so very often -
and leaned against the locker to look at him. “I know. We’ve been over this a
million times since yesterday. I love you to death kid but you’re killin’ me.”
Lower lip slipping out to a full frown, Jensen glanced up at Katie then away.
She was right. From the moment Jared had turned and fled the school the morning
before, Jensen had thought about nothing but his stupidity. Any chances he’d
had of making things better with Jared vanished the moment he opened his big
mouth and let the entire school in on the one secret Jared was most scared of.
And even though Jared had been missing the rest of the day, he’d been the
center of all the gossip flying around the school. Their entire group had been
stared at during lunch - likely waiting for Jared to turn up, like he was some
type of gay wonder - but that wasn’t really the worst of it. No, that was Jared
not returning to school. And now, Jensen was waiting, hoping to see Jared, at
least to know the boy was coming back.
The idea of never seeing Jared again was one of the worst things imaginable.
“Aw Jen, come on, you don’t gotta look like someone shot down E.T. or
something.” Katie grinned when Jensen shot her a look and rolled his eyes.
“Okay. So, it sucks what you did. And yeah, Jared probably hates your guts, but
it could be worse.”
Jensen groaned and let his head thump hard back into the locker door. “Really?
There’s a worse than Jared hating me?”
“You could be getting probed by aliens.”
“Katie,” Jensen repeated the groan, the too hard slam of his head against the
locker.
“Do you know where aliens probe Jensen? It ain’t the fun kind of gay.” Katie
shuddered - like just speaking about hurt her somehow - and stepped from the
locker, pushing it closed with her finger tips. Her smile warmed as she turned
to Jensen and tugged him from the locker beside hers, looping their arms
together and dragging him down the hall. “Listen to me, Jen, because I’m the
smartest person you know-”
“Not even.”
“Jared’s got a thing for you. We both know this. He’s also got one hell of a
wicked past with stupid ass parents and people who clearly don’t deserve to
have him in their lives.” Katie squeezed Jensen tight then planted a kiss on
his forehead with a hard smack of lips. “Give it time. He’ll be back, you’ll
figure out a way to talk to him, and then you two will fall in love and live
happily ever after in San Francisco or wherever it is those classy gays live
now-a-days.”
Jensen’s lips twitched in a small smile and he dropped his head to Katie’s
shoulder, twisting enough to look past her and down the hall. Just in case
Jared turned up. “Thanks Katie. I really don’t know how I would stay sane
without you.” Pulling back, he met the bright blue of the girl’s eyes then
grinned. “Which is, weird, considering you’re... you know.”
“Nuttier than a squirrel in an acorn tree?” Katie suggested and grinned,
bouncing back. “Hey, when Jared turns up? Try not to like, jump into his arms
and kiss him right in front of everyone? I know how badly you want to but I
think one gay scandal a week is about this school’s maximum.”
Brows rising, Jensen stepped back and pouted - maybe, just a little. “You’re
not funny.” He turned, fully planning to stomp off, but two steps had him
turning back and sighing softly. “If you see him...”
“I’ll text you and let you know,” Katie said softly, lifting a hand in a half
wave then spinning to head into her classroom.
-= Jared =-
Nothing was more wearing than being the center of all attention and now Jared
was dealing with it for the countless time in a month. First it had been all
about him as the new student, the mysterious boy with the dark and dyed hair,
the barely visible tattoos. And then it had been them trying to figure out how
he’d found a place in Jensen’s little group of friends, like why the good
Christian boy would befriend someone like Jared.
Those though, were nothing compared to the amount of staring, pointing, and
whispering that went on when Jared finally worked up the courage to head into
school the next morning. Jeff had spent a lot of time the night before building
up his confidence, giving him advice on how to handle those he came up against,
but all the words seemed to slip from his mind with each step he took.
It didn’t get any better as the day went on. No one really said anything to him
- which was fine, Jared would rather they didn’t - but it was more than obvious
that all those whispers were about him. Classes weren’t so horrible, no talking
while the teacher was, but walking down the hall to his locker and literally
clearing a path before him with each step was a little much.
The only thing keeping him from losing his mind was not seeing Jensen. He
couldn’t handle another encounter - no matter how badly he wanted to see
Jensen, a fact of which he wasn’t addressing. But well, he could kind of use a
friend. If only he knew where Katie, Matt and Mandy stood in this whole thing.
They’d for sure heard he was gay by now - and Jared was pretty sure Katie was
okay with it - but no one had tried to call him or anything. Not that Jared
spent a good deal of the evening surreptitiously checking his phone or
anything.
“Move it fag,” the hard words came moments before Jared was shoulder checked
hard, shoved into the lockers at his side.
It was bound to happen, Jared supposed. He’d made it roughly half a day before
the first real attack, maybe that was some kind of record. He definitely hadn’t
made it that long when his parents had found out the truth. And this boy, Mark,
had already made it clear how much of an issue he had with Jared just being
there.
“What’s the matter? That little Jesus freak doesn’t like to take it up the ass?
You know, I’d always had my suspicions.”
Jared clenched his jaw and pushed off the locker, straightening to his full
height and fixing Mark with a hard glare. The boy wasn’t alone, Luke was with
him as usual but this time two other boys Jared didn’t know were just behind
them. Jared would never stand a chance against all four of them but he wasn’t
just going to let Mark talk about Jensen that way. “Don’t even talk about
Jensen. You think I can’t kick your ass?”
“I think you’re too much of a pussy to try,” Mark shot back easily and pressed
his finger tips to Jared’s shoulders, shoving him back once more.
Before Jared had time to recover from the hard crash into metal the boy’s fist
was crunching against his jaw, whipping his head sideways in a dizzying blow.
The hallway - anyone still lingering around - had gone deathly quiet and Jared
could barely breathe for just a moment. Not really because of the punch, Mark
wasn’t that strong, but the weight of damn near everything was simply becoming
too much.
“You gonna cry now you sick litt-”
Jared shoved hard off the locker and lunged, diving at Mark and sending them
both stumbling back against the hallway. He couldn’t hear someone else call him
sick, just the thought made his stomach churn and his fingers curled hard in
the boy’s shirt collar, struggling to get control. “Shut up,” he hissed,
swinging out even as arms hooked with his and Mark’s friends dragged him back.
“Shut up you stupid asshole!”
Mark dragged the back of his hand over his mouth, wiping off a smear of blood
that sent something like satisfaction through Jared, and stepped forward,
nodding at his friends who held Jared pinned to the lockers. “It’s funny, how
you think anyone here even gives a damn about you. Look, they’re gonna watch me
kick your ass and they won’t care in the slightest. Because no one wants a
disgusting fag around.”
“Let him go!” Katie’s shout echoed down the hall a moment after Mark’s fist
connected in Jared’s gut.
Jared choked out a cough, struggling to twist in the hands still holding him in
place. He couldn’t get himself to look over at Katie as she approached - nor
find out who the other footfalls belonged to. But something a little like
relief flooded through him when he caught the flash of sunlight on wire rims.
“Fuck, Cassidy, don’t you have some flying saucers to be chasing?” Mark
grunted, barely sparing her a glance.
Katie shoved hard at Mark as Jensen tugged Luke from the place he was holding
Jared. The pain in his gut was still radiating enough he sank for a moment to
the floor, rubbing along his face. “You’re such a fuckin’ twit!” Katie was
spitting, trying to shove at Mark once more and Jared huffed out a surprised
laugh.
“Katie, stop,” Jensen urged, releasing his hold on Luke and turning to Katie,
grabbing her hand. “Violence isn’t going to help, we don’t need to stoop to
their level.”
Jared’s eyes widened as Jensen turned to him, offering out his hand and a small
smile. It seemed like too much to take at that moment, when everything else was
spinning around him, so Jared dropped his gaze and simply pushed up to his feet
on his own. Touching Jensen? Yeah. Too much.
“Great, so now you’re all the gay squad?” Mark huffed, rolling his eyes so hard
it looked painful. “Jenny, you do realize your precious little Bible isn’t too
fond of such a perverted little sin, right?”
Sinking back against the lockers, Jared sucked in a slow breath, a little
worried he might pass out - or burst into tears - before this whole thing
ended. Where the hell were all their teachers anyway?
“It does say that. Just like it says, in the same Old Testament, that fathers
can sell their daughters into slavery. And that we should put people to death
when they work on the Sabbath. Oh and you know what else is a sin? Only seven
chapters apart from the condemning of homosexuality? That touching the skin of
a dead pig is unclean. So every football you’ve ever touched? That’s a sin.”
Jensen was nearly pressed to Mark’s chest, his voice rising with that familiar
passion as he spoke. “So hey, Mark, if you’re so sure Jared’s soul is doomed
for Hell because he loves differently from you, at least he can stay assured
that he won’t be the only one down there. You’ll be joining him, after all.”
“Jesus,” Mark hissed and pressed flat against the locker, sliding away from
Jensen. “Why are you defending him anyway? You realize it’s just going to make
everyone think you’re a fag too.”
“So what if I am,” Jensen groaned and stepped hard from Mark, spinning to face
the watching students and spreading his hands out in front of you. “What is
wrong with all of you? Why are you all so afraid of someone who looks a little
different? Who finds attraction in different ways than you do? I see more than
half of you in church during the week and watching how you’re all reacting now?
That fact shames me.”
“What’s going on here?” Mrs. Smith finally swept into the group, looking from
Jensen to Jared to Mark and finally around the other kids. “It’s lunch time
guys, go, eat.”
Just like that the other students seemed to shake off the shock from Jensen’s
words, spinning in opposite directions to scatter. Jared though, was still
trying to sort through that shock. It wasn’t so much Jensen defending him - he
knew how amazing the boy could be after all - but so what if I am was echoing
through his mind and Jared couldn’t escape that.
“Jared?” Mrs. Smith asked softly, stepping around Jensen to move to Jared’s
side. “Are you alright? Would you like me to call Jeff?”
Jared blinked up at her, not entirely sure how the woman knew Jeff - not really
caring at the moment - and slowly shook his head. “No. I’m- I’m okay. Thanks.”
“Okay, well, let me know. If anything happens.” Mrs. Smith smiled at him for a
moment before turning, eyeing Jensen, Katie, Matt and Mandy. “Well? Don’t you
four have places to be?”
“Yeah. We were just waiting for-” Mandy began but Jensen interrupted her,
stepping quickly to Jared’s side.
“Our Jared. Lunch just isn’t the same without him.” Jensen grinned at his
teacher, the action softening as he turned to Jared. “Ready to head to lunch?”
Jared met the boy’s bright green eyes, swallowing back the thousands of
questions sparking on his tongue. Instead, he relaxed his clenched fist as
Jensen’s fingers slipped across his palm and dipped his head in a nod. “Yeah.
I’m ready.”
***** Chapter 5 *****
-= Jensen =-
Having Jared actually stay with them at lunch was the perfect kind of relief
after interrupting the fight. He’d still been shaking as they dropped down on
the lunch table, the moment of adrenaline having passed and leaving Jensen in
some type of mind numbing shock. He completely believed in everything he’d said
in the hallway before but - as he stared down at his food and let the
conversation replay in his mind - he realized he’d basically come out to the
school. Before even talking to Jared about it.
Jensen was doing a really good job at not thinking before he spoke, considering
yesterday and now this. It’d be a miracle if Jared didn’t hate him even more
now.
“Are you okay?” Mandy asked Jared a while later, when it seemed they’d had
enough time to really take in everything that had just happened.
“What? Oh um. Yeah, I think,” Jared said quietly and Jensen glanced up watch
the small smile on his lips and the way he rubbed along his jaw. “Listen, you
guys... you didn’t have to- I mean. Just, thank you. For stopping them.”
Jared’s gaze slid over to Jensen and his smile warmed just a little. “For
everything.”
“You didn’t really expect us to leave you to the wolves after Jensen shoved you
out of the closet did you?” Katie asked with a huff and Jensen’s eyes shot to
her, narrowing in a glare that had her laughing. “And look at it this way, at
least you’re not the only one who came out this week.”
“Katie, shut up,” Jensen hissed, kicking her under the table.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Jared said quietly, turning toward him. “I just-
I mean, everyone will think... you don’t need that crap.”
Jensen stared at Jared for a long moment, fully aware of Mandy, Matt and Katie
staring at him expectantly. There was no way he was coming out to Jared in
front of all of them, especially if he didn’t believe Jensen’s words in the
hallway before. “Can we. I’d really like to talk to you about everything Jared,
all of this, but not with an audience. Will you let me drive you home after
school? So we can talk?”
Their gazes met and locked for a long moment and Jensen swallowed. It was the
first time he really had the full force of Jared’s gaze since the kiss and
Jensen could feel his heart quickening, a flush rising on his cheeks. “Yeah,
okay,” Jared whispered, brushing a dark lock of hair from his eyes then turning
away.
Jensen slumped back in his seat and bit his bottom lip. Getting turned on at
the lunch table after everything that had just happened? This was the craziest
day of Jensen’s life or something.
-= Jared =-
It hadn’t really been this awkward in Jensen’s truck since the first time Jared
rode with him - the disaster of this last week not included. Jared twisted his
seat belt, staring out at the passing fields, trying not analyze the way
Jensen’s breath kept catching as he worked up the nerve to say whatever it was
he wouldn’t say earlier. It seemed like Jensen was distracted enough he hadn’t
even remembered to turn on the radio but Jared couldn’t force himself to reach
out for it. Like touching Jensen accidentally would shatter everything all of a
sudden.
When they pulled to a stop in front of the Ranch Jared blinked out at the barn,
nerves tightening through him. If he stayed in the truck much longer he was
gonna be sick or something because this tension was just too much.
Jensen sucked in a breath again - Jared’s shoulders tensed all over again -
then blew it out as he failed to speak. “God, Jensen,” Jared groaned and let
his head thunk hard into the window. “You’re gonna kill me.”
“Sorry,” Jensen laughed softly, turning his truck off and freeing the belt
buckle so he could turn and face Jared. “I just um, I’m not entirely sure how
to begin. I should... maybe apologize? For all the-”
“No I don’t-” Jared cut Jensen off, freeing his own buckle and twisting toward
him. He flinched at Jensen’s wide eyes, he kept going about this all wrong.
“Please don’t apologize. For, anything, okay? Because, I know you didn’t meant
to do- the outting thing. I have no idea about Saturday-”
“I didn’t meant to do that,” Jensen interrupted this time and Jared’s gaze
snapped up. Once more Jensen’s eyes were growing wide and he groaned softly. “I
mean, it’s not like I didn’t want that. I just didn’t mean to, like, attack you
a kiss.”
“Well I wouldn’t really say you attacked me. You’re kind of a shrimp. I can
hold my own,” Jared huffed, sliding his arms over his chest. “So you didn’t
mean too. Okay. Well, whatever.”
“Jared, I just didn’t mean to at that moment. It wasn’t how I should have gone
about that. I mean, it was my first kiss you know? So it should have been...
not when I was going to freak out afterward.” Jensen reached out for him, his
hand dropping to rest just short of his thigh.
“And not with me.” Jared forced his gaze up, if only because he knew Jensen
wouldn’t lie to him - was quite possibly incapable of a lie - and if he was
about to be flat out rejected he wanted to watch Jensen’s face. At least then
he’d know if they even stood a chance of being friends or something.
Jensen frowned but didn’t look away. He stared long enough to have Jared
squirming, finally breaking the gaze because he couldn’t take anymore.
Sometimes Jensen had the most intense eyes ever. “Jared,” Jensen whispered then
moved.
Jared had only about a second to brace himself before Jensen was nearly pressed
flush against his side. His eyes shot up but Jensen was already dipping
forward, his hand curving along Jared’s neck and bringing him in so their lips
slid soft and flush together. Jared sucked in a surprised breath through his
nose, his eyes open for a moment longer until Jensen pressed his lips forward
just a little harder then drew back.
“Kiss me back. Please? Please tell me you want this,” Jensen whispered into the
tiny space between their lips. “I... I want you to kiss me.”
Something about Jensen’s soft plea had everything in Jared sparking, like an
explosion of pleasure down his spine. Both his hands slid up to cup Jensen’s
jaw, holding him there as his tongue slid out, tracing along Jensen’s lower lip
slowly. “I want nothing more than to kiss you,” he breathed, his heart racing
so loud in his ears it was nearly painful.
“Oh thank the Lord,” Jensen laughed shakily then their lips were crashing
together, Jared’s fingers slid up to tighten in Jensen’s hair, dragging him the
rest of the way in. Their mouths slid together with a slow, delicious glide,
pleasure once more zinging through Jared at a rate he didn’t expect.
And then, Jensen was moaning, moving closer into the heat of him. The feel of
Jensen’s fingers curling into his shirt, tugging him impossibly closer, was
maybe the most intense thing Jared had ever felt. Until, of course, Jensen’s
tongue moved forward and swept into Jared’s mouth, sliding along his own in a
slow, delicious circle. Jared echoed Jensen’s moan and brought his hand forward
enough to slide the boy’s glasses off.
Jensen tasted the right side of sweet, warm and rich, kind of delicious in a
way Jared had never anticipated kissing would be. Part of Jared just wanted to
push Jensen down across the cab of his truck and explore what else would come
after this whole kissing thing. But the idea of Jeff catching them was a little
too pressing and well, there were probably a few things they should talk about.
So, reluctantly, he pulled back from the kiss and sucked in a deep breath,
letting his free hand trail down Jensen’s jaw until their foreheads rested
together. “We should talk,” he murmured, breathing in each of Jared’s quick
exhales.
“Yeah,” Jensen whispered, just the slightest shake to his voice. “Um. Inside?
Maybe?”
“Definitely.” Jared smiled as he pulled back, offering Jensen his glasses back.
“Jeff’s around somewhere, I’m sure, but um... we can go to my room? I mean, to
talk.”
“Or whatever.” Jensen shrugged, spinning and sliding across the seat to the
driver’s door. Jared watched him as he hopped out and turned back to him,
grinning at Jared’s slightly slack jaw. “I wouldn’t say no to more making out.”
Jared swallowed thickly and nodded, pushing hard at the door and clambering
out. He nearly fell into the dirt but that was okay - and kind of worth it,
since it made Jensen laugh and that was kind of the best sound ever. “Come on.”
He offered his hand out toward Jensen in front of the truck, smiling a little
shyly as he ducked his head down, letting hair fall in his eyes.
When Jensen’s fingers slid through his, curled and tightened, Jared’s heart
quick stepped through a tango. Or at least something lethal, something that had
Jared questioning whether he would live through this or not. Until of course he
looked up and caught Jensen’s warm smile, the familiar sparkle of green eyes
behind wire frames. All the tension and nerves seeped from Jared and he
squeezed Jensen’s hand, leading him into the Ranch.
“Hello boys,” Jeff said easily from the kitchen, not even turning their way.
Jared blinked at the man then over at Jensen, lifting his shoulders in a shrug.
He’d rather not think about Jeff seeing them kissing. “Hey Jeff. Um, Jen and I
are just gonna go chat in my room. That’s... it’s okay?”
“Yeah, of course.” Jeff did turn that time, leaning against the counter and
considering them both with a knowing smile. “I’ll be out at the barn. Y’all
just, try and get along.”
“I don’t think that will be an issue, Sir,” Jensen said quietly, practically
beaming at Jeff.
Jeff snorted a laugh and pushed off the counter. “Well I’m glad to hear it.” As
he drew closer he fixed his gaze on Jensen, eyes narrowing slightly. “I don’t
look too kindly on people hurting Jared. So you best just keep that in mind.”
Jared could hear Jensen swallow, watched the slow bob of his head out of the
corner of his eye, and couldn’t help a small smirk. “Be nice Jeff,” he said
quietly but he was pretty sure Jeff knew he appreciated the support from the
smile he shared.
“I promise to only be good to Jared now,” Jensen insured quickly, looking from
Jared to Jeff and back. “I mean, if he wants me around.”
“I think we should go talk in my room now,” Jared muttered, dipping his head
down again to hide his pleased smile. He couldn’t really help it, Jensen was
making him feel all warm and tingling and that was pretty damn amazing.
“Sounds like a good idea. Jared, I think you should probably tell Jensen about
everything now. Seems only fair.” Jeff patted Jared’s shoulder then turned,
heading out the door, grabbing his cowboy hat from the rack on the wall.
Jared blew out a slow breath as the door closed then turned to Jensen, rubbing
his side with his free hand. “He’s really cool. Even when he’s kind of like, a
little nosy.”
“I’m glad you guys get along though. After everything with your family and
stuff, I feel like you need someone like Jeff around.” Jensen’s thumb stroked
slowly over the top of Jared’s hand then his gaze snapped up. “I so did not
mean that to sound like um, an after school special or a Jesus program or
something. I just, I think Jeff is a good support for you and I know I will
always support you but maybe you still have some issues with me or wha-”
It seemed like the best way to interrupt Jensen - this time - was to step in
and bring their lips together, swallowing up anything else he might have to
say. Jared’s finger tips traced over Jensen’s jaw, Jensen’s settled over his
hip, but their right hands stayed locked together in a tight hold. It was a
softer kiss than before, the slow brush glide of silky soft lips, but the
warmth and pleasure was enough to make Jared feel temporarily dizzy.
“I have no issues with you,” Jared whispered against Jensen’s lips then stepped
back. “But I might have some questions. You want a drink or you good?”
“I’m good. I’ve got-” Jensen slipped his hand into his pocket and tugged out a
small container, shaking it with a grin. “Tic Tacs. So my breath will stay
minty fresh.” A slow smirk tugged at Jared’s lips as his brows rose and Jensen
blushed. “You know, in case you were worried about that.”
“Oh yeah, totally. Come on.” Jared laughed and tugged Jensen down the hall to
his room, knocking the door shut with his elbow and finally releasing the boy’s
hand. He was kind of a little nervous to tell Jensen all the little details of
his past, but Jeff was right. He needed to come clean and Jensen deserved to
know the entire truth or something. “So um, you wanna go first?”
“Can I? Because, it’s not a lot. I mean, it’s a lot but it’s not a long story.
I’m not gonna do the apology thing cause I know you don’t want to hear that. So
I guess all you really need to know is... I like you Jared, I think I’ve liked
you from the moment I met you really. I like you and I like boys and I never
noticed before because... well, I hang out with Katie. And Matt and Mandy that
might as well be a married couple already. I never noticed boys, but you. I
noticed you. And I want to be with you. So. Yeah, that’s what I have to say.”
At some point Jared had dropped to the edge of the bed, his eyes wide as his
mouth, staring up at Jensen in something maybe like shock. Sure he’d hoped that
was how it would go but, Jensen was so crazy intense about things sometimes. It
was pretty amazing, really. “Are you sure? That... you’re gay. And you want to
be with me? I mean, look at me Jensen. I’m not exactly what you’d expect a good
Christian boy to end up with.”
“Because your hair is black and red? And you wear dark clothes? Because you
have tattoos?” Jensen laughed softly and dropped onto the bed beside Jared,
reaching out to take his hand. “My youth past has a mohawk that’s blue and
gauged ears Jared. You think I don’t know that looks are skin deep? Besides.”
Jensen reached up with his free hand and caught a lock of red and black hair,
tucking it back behind Jared’s ear and leaning close to speak against his ear.
“I kind of think you’re remarkably sexy.”
A deep flush rose up on Jared’s cheeks and he was pretty sure if he looked at
Jensen, the boy would be blushing as well. He would never think of himself as
anything sexy but it was nice to hear it. “So you’re really okay with being
involved with me? I kind of come with some baggage.”
“Yeah I know.” Jensen laughed softly and pressed his lips just below Jared’s
ear. “Do you, um, want to be my boyfriend Jared?”
Jared grinned and turned to Jensen, half diving forward to capture Jensen’s
lips in a hard, slightly off centered kiss. Jensen’s hands flailed out beside
them for a moment before he grasped Jared’s arms, squeezing softly. Their
tongues tangled together when Jensen thrust his forward hard, nearly pressing
flush against Jared and crawling up into his lap. Like somehow just having
this, just learning how it could be, was enough to drive Jensen just a little
bit insane.
It would be so amazing to push Jensen back, slip his hand under the usual
sweater vest to learn just how flat Jensen’s stomach really was. But Jensen
needed to understand a few things about him first and Jared had been putting it
off too long. So he gently pulled back and nudged at Jensen’s shoulders,
getting him to sit back.
“Yes,” he said through a grin, sucking in a few deep breaths as he trailed his
thumb over the gentle swollen pink flush of Jensen’s bottom lip. “Yes I want to
be your boyfriend.” The grin on Jensen’s face was nearly too bright to look at
and Jared laughed. “I need to tell you some stuff first though, alright?”
“Fair enough.” Jensen nodded and scooted back across the bed, kicking off his
shoes and tugging off his sweater vest in one go. It wasn’t until he’d dropped
down onto Jared’s blanket and propped his chin in the palm of his hand, his
elbow digging into Jared’s pillow, that his actions came to a slightly jerky
halt. “I um, wanted to be comfortable? For our talk?”
Jared’s brow curved in an arch as he considered his boyfriend -
holyshitboyfriend - then slowly twisted, kicking off his own shoes in the
process. “Okay so. I guess, I’ve never told you the entire story, about the way
things happened with my parents. There was... a boy. His name was Josh. He
wasn’t really the first boy I was attracted too but he was the first... I did
anything with.”
“You were dating?” Jensen asked softly and Jared met his gaze, just to make
sure the boy didn’t seem upset about that.
When it seemed Jensen was just curious Jared finally twisted around to lay
beside him, loosely curling their fingers together. “Not really no. It was...
god, Jensen, it was never that easy for me. I couldn’t just date someone.
Everyone thought I was dating my best friend - ex best friend - Sandy. I
think... maybe she might have cared for me, loved me? But I just couldn’t ever
see her that way. I’m pretty sure my entire family expected me to marry her.”
“Really?” Jensen frowned, stroking along the inside of Jared’s wrist. “That
doesn’t seem fair. Sandy was the friend you mentioned you’d had your whole
life, right?”
“She was.” Jared sighed. Even talking about Sandy hurt, talking about his
family was going to hurt even worse. Or at least talking about the moment when
everything exploded all around him and his life fell to pieces. “Josh and I, we
got along. I really liked him. But we both came from religious families, we
knew we couldn’t really do anything, or be anything. It was just too risky.”
“Jared?” Jensen murmured when Jared’s breath caught in his throat for a moment.
When Jared looked back up Jensen had that warm soft smile, patient and
encouraging, and Jared had to marvel for a moment at the luck he’d somehow
stumbled upon when meeting Jensen. “You don’t have to tell me. If it’s too much
I mean. You can tell it to me in pieces?”
“No, I think, I think it would be better if I just get it out now.” Jared
managed a weak smile then flopped onto the pillow, staring up at the ceiling.
The smile felt more genuine after a beat when Jensen dropped down beside him,
shifted so their shoulders touched, fingers linking together.
Thankfully, Jensen didn’t push him, simply laid there with their fingers
interlocked. Jared closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, hoping to
gather enough strength to get through this.
“Josh and I were hanging out. We did, every now and then. And he just... we
were in my room. I guess it felt so safe, there in my room, playing video
games. He leaned over and kissed me. I kissed him back, why wouldn’t I? It was
what I wanted for so long. Not necessarily with Josh but, who doesn’t want
their first kiss?”
“I definitely know that feeling,” Jensen whispered, chuckling softly and
shifting to drop his head to Jared’s shoulder. “Was it um, a good first kiss?”
Jared smiled for a moment and closed his eyes. “Well, he didn’t freak out and
start swelling.” Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand to keep him from moving then
sighed. “But it wasn’t better than our kiss out in the truck. It was just two
boys who couldn’t be themselves with anyone else. It was desperate and needy
and probably a little sad. And it had barely begun, he rolled me back onto the
floor, and my parents walked in. Just like that, everything I knew changed.”
With his eyes closed Jared could nearly picture the moment perfectly so he
forced them open, blinking away the unsurprising swell of tears. “They lost it.
They- I couldn’t even get any words out. My dad pulled Josh off the floor,
nearly threw him across the room. Then, then he came back, grabbed me by the
hair, tugged me to my feet. My mom was crying and my dad was just screaming at
me. All of these things, these... god it was so horrible. He kept saying how
sick I was, how disgusting, how I was going to burn in hell.”
In a flash Jared spun on his side, facing Jensen as the words tumbled out. He’d
never told anyone this story and now he couldn’t stop, like just saying it all
would somehow wash him of the pain of it. “He hit me. Over and over. Josh must
have run at some point, I don’t remember. I kept- I was crying out for my mom
because, because she should have stopped it. She should have stopped him. But
she didn’t. She just stood there and stared and... god Jensen I can’t even tell
you what it feels like to have your parents look at you like you’re the most
disgusting thing they’ve ever seen.”
“Jared,” Jensen whispered, fingers sliding through the tears on Jared’s cheek
that he hadn’t even been aware of.
And Jared kept talking, desperately needing to finish. “Megan came home. My
sister. I remember hearing her scream and then my dad stopped, he dropped me to
the ground and just, turned around and left. Walked right out the front door
and I was bleeding so much, I’ve never been in that much pain. I must have
blacked out, I don’t remember how everything happened, but I remember waking
up. I was alone, for a long time, a couple of days. The only- the only visitor
I had was Sandy. And she-”
“It’s okay,” Jensen murmured, barely loud enough to hear over Jared’s sharp
inhale. His arms slid around Jared, pulling him in closer. “Take your time.”
Jared sank into the heat of Jensen’s body, head dropping to the boy’s shoulder
to find some stability. “She hates me, Jensen. She told me she couldn’t believe
I would be so... sick and filthy and, just, all those names. She said it was
like she never knew me, told me I broke her heart, said I ruined everything.
Then before she left she told me my family wanted nothing more to do with me,
that someone would come and pick me up later. She left, and a few days later
Jeff showed up.”
“And that’s it?” Jensen gasped the words like they were beyond his
comprehension. “I mean, they just let you go? Without... anything?”
“I called, shortly after Jeff brought me here. First time I got my dad and he
hung up on me. Second time I got Megan, and I think maybe she might have spoken
to me but my parents must have been nearby. I tried texting my brother but he’s
changed his number. Then the last time I called there, Megan’s birthday, I got
my mom. She um, wasn’t too happy to hear from me. Jeff thinks I probably
shouldn’t push it anymore.”
“Hey.” Jensen curled his fingers under Jared’s jaw, tilting up until Jared had
no choice but to shift back and meet the boy’s gaze. “I can’t even begin to
imagine how that must have felt. And you deserve so much better. I can’t...
make up for losing your family, I know, but I’m really gonna try. I promise.
Here, with me and Katie, Matt, and Mandy? We’ll be like, an honorary family.
Jeff too. And maybe even my family, if you feel like you want to meet them some
time. And if you ever feel like it’s just all too much and you need to step
back, that’s okay, I can totally handle it.”
Jared smiled and sniffed, wiping away the last of the tears under his eyes and
shifting forward until he was pressed flush against Jensen’s side. “Totally
huh?”
“Completely.” Jensen grinned and nodded. “You know you’re not those things
right? Sick and stuff? You’re so amazing Jared and you don’t even know it.
Which, kind of makes you more amazing. So you’re double amazing. Possibly
triple.”
“You’re biased.” Jared laughed and dipped down, pressing a kiss to the corner
of Jensen’s lips. “And yeah, I know. Or I’m learning to know. And I remember
your little speech from lunch. Hard not to feel a little empowered after that.”
“Well, I try.” Jensen snorted a laugh and stroked his fingers back through
Jared’s hair, holding him close. “More making out now? I mean, if you’re done
talking?”
“Definitely more making out.” Not having the secret of his past weighing him
down was the weirdest sort of freeing for Jared and - as he slanted his lips
over Jensen’s - he thought how nice it would be to really, truly, know he
belonged.
-= Jensen =-
Quite likely, Jensen was walking on air. Or clouds. Or something that kept a
grin almost permanent on his face. It was like being pumped full of happy drugs
- dating Jared, that is - and he could even learn to handle all of Katie’s
teasing as long as he got some kind of boyfriend fix throughout the day. Sure,
Jared and he had only been together for a few days but Jensen thought a
successful start meant wonders for a relationship.
“We gonna do something tonight?” Jared asked as they walked out of the school.
They weren’t holding hands - kind of an unspoken mutual understanding of not
quite being ready for that level of public display - but their shoulders bumped
every few steps and Jensen was beaming once more. “Yeah, gotta go home for
dinner but after? We could go see a movie or something? Or just hang out at
your place. Anyth-”
“I want to meet them,” Jared interrupted, which, well, he did that a lot.
Jensen was pretty used to it and truthfully? He found it a little adorable.
Like sometimes Jared wanted to say something so badly he couldn’t wait for his
turn to speak.
“You want to meet them?” Jensen froze as Jared’s words sank in and he turned,
watching Jared talk a few steps then turn back, arching his brows expectantly.
“What? My family?”
“Yeah, your family.” Jared nodded, slipping his arms across his chest. “I um,
they’re just really important to you right? You’re always talking about them.
And the other night you said how your mom was really eager to meet me since
we’re dating. So I thought, I should meet them sooner rather than later. You
know, so maybe she won’t worry so much?”
Jensen took a slow step toward Jared, studying the boy’s expression to make
sure he wasn’t just saying this to please Jensen or something. “You mean like,
right now?”
“Yes? Or later I guess, if that would be better. Kind of just think I should do
it while I feel brave enough. And it’s Friday, I always feel braver on Friday.”
Jared smiled down at his shoes, shoulders lifting in a shrug. “Not tonight?”
“No. I mean, yes. Tonight. Right now. You can come for dinner.” The idea was
actually kind of amazing and Jensen was beaming once more, crossing swiftly the
rest of the way to Jared and stopping just short of throwing his arms around
him in a hug. “I um, I’m pretty excited. That you even want to meet them you
know?”
Jared looked up and Jensen saw something sort of sparkle in Jared’s eyes, a
lightness Jensen hadn’t even seen before. “I just hope they like me.”
“Are you crazy? They’re gonna love you. They’re gonna love you so much they’re
gonna ask you to come over all the time and then you’ll regret having wanted to
meet them when you’re stuck in the middle of a four hour epic Monopoly battle.”
Jensen let his forehead drop to Jared’s shoulder for a moment, smiling so
brightly it hurt, then stepped back and spun toward his truck. “Come on, let’s
go!”
The sound of Jared’s laughter followed him as he ran to his truck, tugging the
door open and sliding quickly behind the wheel. Jared joined him after a
moment, still chuckling softly even as he tugged the seat belt into place.
“Four hour battles?”
“We take Monopoly very seriously at my house.” Jensen beamed at Jared and
finally took his hand.
-= Jared =-
Why Jared had thought it was a good idea to meet Jensen’s parents right away,
he really couldn’t say. Especially not when Jensen pulled into the driveway of
his house and the nerves exploded so fiercely in Jared’s stomach, he nearly got
sick all over the worn dash. All the possible outcomes were flashing through
his mind. Like Jensen’s parents taking one look at him and deciding he was
really not good enough for their son.
What the hell was he going to do if they kicked him out before he even had the
chance to prove he was an okay guy? What if them hating him meant Jensen wasn’t
willing to sneak around and date him? Jared had only just managed to get
himself a boyfriend, he didn’t really want to let him go so soon. Especially
Jensen. Who was maybe the best person that had ever come into his life.
“You kinda look like you might be sick,” Jensen murmured, barely audible over
the cooling tick tick tick of his engine. “Jare? They’re really gonna love you,
okay? But if you don’t feel comfortable, we can wait. You don’t have to meet
them now.”
Jared swallowed thickly and turned to his boyfriend, reaching out to take his
hand. “I want to meet them. I might be a little terrified but putting it off
won’t make that better. I want them to like me, so... let’s just, do this.”
Jensen chuckled softly and squeezed his hand, bringing it up to kiss softly.
“It’s going to be just fine, I promise you.” Exhaling shakily, Jared forced
himself to nod and turned to the door, ready to push it open. But Jensen’s soft
words stopped him a beat later. “Hey, come here.”
Sighing, Jared’s lips twitched into a smile as he turned back to his boyfriend,
sliding just a little closer. “Don’t make fun of me for being scared.”
“I would never,” Jensen murmured, chuckling softly as his hand slid up and
tucked along Jared’s neck, dragging him in for a soft slide of their lips.
It hadn’t even been a week, this him dating Jensen thing, but Jared thought he
still had all rights to be marveling. Because Jensen was kind of a natural born
kisser and the way their lips slid together was soft and gentle, full against
Jared’s. He couldn’t help but moan into the kiss. How was Jensen so
intoxicating? It was almost too much for Jared to handle.
Then someone was knocking on Jensen’s window and Jared jumped back, sucking in
a surprised breath. There was a girl at Jensen’s window, her hair blonde and
curled, her eyes just as green as Jensen’s.
“Holy creepers Mack!” Jensen hissed, thumping the window with his palm so the
girl jumped back. “Go inside!”
“Mom says to stop kissing your boyfriend and bring him inside,” Mackenzie
called through the window, grinning at Jared then bouncing back and taking off
for the house.
Jensen groaned and dropped his forehead to the steering wheel, turning slowly
to peek at Jared through his glasses. “So well, that was my sister. And I guess
Mom knows you’re here. We better go inside.”
That sinking feeling was back in the pit of Jared’s stomach but he wet his lips
and nodded, spinning quickly to push the door open and jump out onto the
driveway. The last thing he wanted was to be busted kissing, again. The idea
that they’d seen him kissing Jensen at all was kind of mortifying. That was
really not the first impression he’d been going for.
“You’re not gonna like, pass out or something before we get inside are you?”
Jensen asked quietly as he walked toward the front of the truck, offering his
hand out to Jared.
Smiling weakly, Jared slipped his fingers through Jensen’s and shook his head.
“Nah. Not gonna pass out. Just, you know. I’m nervous Jen, give me a break. My
last encounter with parental units didn’t go so well.”
“What about Jeff? You guys get along great.” Jensen kept his steps slow as they
approached the house, likely giving Jared time to adjust.
Jared snorted a laugh and slid his free hand up through his hair. “Jeff isn’t
at all like a parent. I mean, he’s gay like me.”
“He’s what?” Jensen squeaked, stopping short of the front door and turning to
Jared with a slack jaw. “He’s gay? Why didn’t I know this?”
“If it makes you feel better, I had no idea and I’ve been living with the guy
for months. And well, I’ve known him my entire life. So yeah, I think it’s a
bit of a secret.” It was actually kind of nice to be focusing on Jeff and not
Jared’s current swell of nerves, and the shocked look on Jensen’s face was
pretty adorable. “I’m guessing that’s why he’s single.”
“Wow. Must be lonely.” Jensen frowned, considering his and Jared’s linked hands
for a moment before looking back up. “We should hang out with him.”
“Hang out with Jeff? You wanna?” Jared’s brows rose in disbelief - probably
because every time they’d run into Jeff lately he’d given Jensen some warning
about not hurting Jared and he was kind of threatening. “What like, watch
movies or something?”
Jensen grinned and nodded. “Yeah so he can like, hang out with his own kind and
stuff.”
Jared laughed loudly, punching his fist gently into Jensen’s arm. “His own
kind? We’re not another species ‘cause we’re gay Jensen.”
The smile on Jensen’s lips softened and Jared realized his boyfriend was
playing him, trying to ease back the nerves by making him laugh. “I still think
he’d enjoy maybe hanging around with us. What do you think?”
“Yeah, maybe. Thanks.” Jared smiled softly down at the ground for a moment then
dipped down, capturing Jensen’s lips in a slow kiss.
Which, of course, was exactly when the front door opened. Jared jerked back,
his eyes wide as he came face to face with Jensen’s mom. She had the same hair
color as Jensen, the same warm smile, and Jared could feel a flush crawl up
through him from his toes all the way to the roots of his hair. Busted kissing.
Again. God.
“Hi there! You must be Jared. I’m Donna, it’s so nice to meet you.” She stepped
forward and grasped Jared’s upper arms, pulling him into a hug that had Jared’s
eyes growing, flying saucer wide.
“Um. Yes, hi.” Jared hesitated a moment then slid his arms slowly around the
woman.
“Mom, please,” Jensen said quietly, a faint laugh with the words. “I just got
him mildly calm, can you try not to freak him out entirely?”
“I know, I know. But you can’t blame me.” Donna laughed as she pulled back,
grinning at Jared. “You’re all I’ve been hearing about for weeks, Jared,
especially the last few days. It’s just a pleasure to finally get to meet you.”
“Y-you too, ma’am.” Jared’s smile was definitely weaker than Donna and Jensen’s
but the woman was still kind of gripping his arms and Jared wasn’t entirely
sure how to feel about things.
“Please, call me Donna. Ma’am just sounds so... old.” She laughed again and
stepped back, finally releasing Jared and turning to head back into the house.
“You boys come on in. Dinner’s already cooking, Jared I hope you’ll be stayin’
to eat with us.”
Jared’s eyes were starting to hurt from being wide open so long and he turned
his gaze to Jensen, quite possibly pleading. “He is mom,” Jensen called out for
him, beaming at Jared and taking his hand. “Is Dad home yet?”
“He’s in his office. You want to take Jared back there to say hello? Maybe not
overload him with us both at the same time?” Donna suggested, speaking over her
shoulder as she moved around the kitchen.
“Probably seems like a good idea,” Jensen called back easily as he slipped his
backpack off and Jared couldn’t help relaxing just a little.
After all, the natural ease of the household was impossible to ignore. And the
minute Jensen had hung up his backpack he was grabbing Jared’s hand once more
which kind of eased off the rest of the nerves.
Until of course Jensen turned to him with another bright grin. “Ready to meet
my dad?”
For some reason even knowing Jensen's dad was a pastor didn't make the idea of
meeting him any less intimidating. His own father had been on the church board
and Jared could still see the man's fist swinging his way when he closed his
eyes at night.
"Jared, it won't be like that," Jensen whispered, like he'd somehow learned how
to read Jared's mind. "Remember? I told them both I'm gay and they're
understanding, supportive."
Surprisingly, that thought hadn't really registered with Jared. He looked over
at Jensen and smiled, dipping his head in a small nod. "You're right. Okay,
let's go meet him."
Jensen gave him another bright grin then tugged him through the house and down
the hall. The Ackles residence looked a lot like Jared's old home, pictures of
the family, all three kids, a tasteful country display. Jared tried not to let
himself wonder if his parents removed all his pictures from the walls and
focused on Jensen knocking on a closed door instead.
There was a call to enter and Jared held his breath as Jensen pushed the door
open and led him inside. "Hey dad. Jared came over for dinner so I thought I'd
introduce you."
Mr. Ackles had greying dark hair and glasses pretty similar to Jensen’s. That
and a smile as warm as his wife’s that instantly eased the last of the nerves
fluttering through Jared. He couldn’t help smiling back as the man stood and
walked around the desk. “Jared, it’s nice to meet you. I’m pretty sure I’ve
heard about nothing but you for the last week solid.”
“Dad,” Jensen groaned and hid his head on Jared’s shoulder, but if Jared had to
guess he was pretty sure the boy was beaming.
“I’m sure Jeff feels the same way about hearing about Jensen,” Jared offered
and shook the man’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you Mr. Ackles.”
“Oh no, we don’t stand on ceremony around here. Call me Alan. And I do believe
Jeff did mention something along those lines.” Alan gave him a knowing smile as
he stepped back, leaning against his desk. “So, everything going alright at
school? Jensen mentioned some people haven’t exactly been the most welcoming.”
Jared didn’t really want to think about Alan and Jeff getting together and
talking about them, and he glanced over at Jensen, wondering if he knew that
was happening. Then he realized Alan had been asking him about school and he
half jumped, stumbling over his words. “We- I was, there were just some guys.
They’ve been pretty quiet the rest of this week after the group came to my
rescue. You should have heard Jensen, he went all Pastor on their as- I mean,
he was, very passionate about his argument.”
Beside him Jensen snorted and Jared elbowed him, ducking his head down so hair
would fall in his eyes and hide his blush. He was kind of mortified that he’d
nearly sworn in front of a Pastor and his boyfriend’s dad. Thankfully, Alan
simply laughed and nodded. “Sounds like Jensen. Well you just let me know if
any of those boy’s continue to give you issues. I’m sure I know their parents
and would be happy to speak with them.”
Once more Jensen groaned, even if it was half mixed with a laugh. “Come on Dad,
we don’t need you to fight our battles for us. We’ve totally got this.”
“As long as there’s no literal fighting, then by all means, continue.” Alan
moved around the desk to drop into his chair once more. “You boys go hang out
in Jensen’s room or something until dinner, don’t get under your mother’s feet
Jensen, she’s been working on that chicken all afternoon and it’s destined to
be amazing.”
“Mm chicken.” Jensen smirked up at Jared and drug him from the room, barely
giving Jared time to say goodbye to the man before he shut the door. “My mom is
a great cook. Seriously. You will want to eat over here every night.”
“Not if it means me almost swearing in front of your Dad. God.” Jared glanced
up and found himself staring at a cross on the wall. Which was just, really
fucking ironic. Looking over at Jensen and his raised brows, Jared snorted and
shoved his free hand through his hair. “Leave me alone.”
Jensen snorted a laugh and slipped his arm around Jared’s waist, tugging him
down the hall once more. “You haven’t seen my room, good thing I cleaned this
morning.” Jensen leaned closer to Jared, speaking in a low breath. “Let’s make
out on my bed.”
The thought alone had Jared blushing and ducking his head as they crossed
through the kitchen and down an opposite hall. Jensen was nearly pulling him
into his room by that point and heat was crawling up Jared’s cheeks at his
boyfriend’s eagerness. Something about Jensen wanting to kiss him so badly made
everything burn a whole lot hotter and sharper.
Just as Jensen was pushing the door closed, looking over his shoulder to grin
at Jared, Donna’s voice echoed from down the hall. “Jensen! Please leave the
door open and keep things PG rated, okay boys?”
“Mom,” Jensen groaned and dropped his head hard against the door. “Cracked
open?”
“Halfway Jensen.”
“Three fourths?”
“Would you like to leave it all the way open?”
“Halfway then,” Jensen grumbled and tugged the door open a little more, leaving
it half open and turning back to Jared with a sheepish grin. “Major downside to
being here instead of at your place.”
“Well you’d rather not rush into things anyway right?” Jared asked with a soft
smile, looking around Jensen’s neat and tidy room before dropping down on the
bed. Looking back up at his boyfriend, he chuckled at the blush on Jensen’s
cheeks. “I just mean like, I really like kissing you, but I don’t want you to
feel like you have to rush into anything.”
“I wasn’t suggesting we have sex or something!” Jensen nearly squeaked,
crossing quickly to Jared and dropping down beside him. “I just wanted you on
my bed you know? I mean, more than just us sitting here. I can picture you
laying on me bed. If I pictured those kinds of things.”
“Are you suggesting you don’t get off thinking about me?” Jared nudged Jensen’s
side, biting back a laugh when Jensen’s eyes shot up to him. “I’m kidding. Or
um, you know. Look, I just think we should maybe talk about this? Us? Because I
don’t want you to think I’m rushing you into things. I know what this means.”
Jared brushed his finger over the silver ring on Jensen’s finger.
Jensen sighed softly and shook his head. “No, you think you know what it means.
But it’s not like a promise to stay a virgin until I’m married or something.
It’s a personal promise I made between myself and God, that I wouldn’t take
that step with someone until I was sure I truly cared for them, that no matter
what happened with me and that person, I wouldn’t regret them being my first.
Jared, stop stereotyping me, I’m still a seventeen year old boy and I do get
off thinking about you.”
Leave it to Jensen to go off on another of his passionate little rants. Only
this one had Jared’s cheeks flushing, his mouth hanging open as he stared over
at his boyfriend. And then, he couldn’t really help dipping in and kissing him.
His tongue almost instantly slid forward because he wasn’t entirely sure how
long they’d get away with this kissing thing.
Just about the time Jared was leaning Jensen back on the bed, deepening the
kiss with his hand sliding up through the boy’s hair, Jensen was smart enough
to pull back. “Do you?” He whispered into the soft brush of their lips, fingers
sliding down Jared’s shirt front.
“Huh?” Not so articulate on Jared’s part but who could blame him?
“Do you... get off? Thinking about me?” Jensen sat up the rest of the way,
fingers twitching along the hem of Jared’s shirt.
That deep blush was back on Jared’s cheeks and he was hard, just like that,
from hearing Jensen talk about getting off. “Um. Yeah, duh, Jensen. I- I have,
for a while. Trust me.”
Jensen grinned and brushed his lips along the edge of Jared’s. “Good. We’ll
revisit that soon. Now, let’s do some homework.”
Like Jared could really use his brain right now.
-===-
“So, Jared, you mind if I ask you a few questions?” Alan asked after a sip from
his glass and Jared looked up at him, mouth currently full of food. As it
turned out, eating dinner with the Ackles was harder than just plain meeting
them.
“Dad, come on,” Jensen mumbled around his mouthful of mashed potatoes. “Don’t
interview him.”
Jared quickly - and a little painfully - swallowed. “No, I mean. It’s okay. I
um, I expected some questions. So please, ask anything you want.”
“It’s actually about your family,” Alan began quietly and Jared swallowed even
harder. “I won’t lie to you, Jeff and I have spoken about what happened to you.
He came to me for some advice before picking you up. So I won’t make you tell
the whole story. But I can’t help wondering, why haven’t you considered
pressing charges? The way your father behaved, it would seem to make sense.”
Everyone at the table was staring at him now but Jared couldn’t really get his
gaze to lift from his chicken - which really was delicious, Jensen was right.
It wasn’t as if pressing charges hadn’t occurred to him, the doctors at the
hospital had asked how he’d gotten so injured on more than one occasion, but
Jared had never said. And he knew Alan wasn’t likely meaning any harm, but the
idea alone made him feel a little sick. “He’s my dad,” Jared said simply, and
that was really answer enough for him.
Surprisingly, Alan smiled and reached out to pat his hand. “That wasn’t a test
or anything, both Donna and I would be willing to support you through pressing
any charges. But hearing that... it really says a lot about your character.”
“Good stuff, I hope,” Jared mumbled, poking his fork into the potatoes.
“Of course Jared, honey,” Donna quickly reassured and brushed fingers through
his hair in a soft caress. “Jensen has made it clear how much he cares for you
and I think it seems likely you’ll be around a lot now, we just want you to
know we’ll support you in whatever you might go through.”
Jared had to blink a few times at the woman because tears were pricking along
his eyes and he wasn’t entirely sure how to handle that. He managed a soft
smile and sniffed, ducking his head down to wipe under his eyes. “T-thanks,
Donna. And Alan. That um, it really means a lot to me.”
“Oh sweetie.” In the next moment Donna was up out of her chair, throwing her
arms around Jared’s shoulders for the second time that evening. “I just want to
make you cookies and let you cry for a while. I’ll hold you for as long as you
need.”
“Mom!” Jensen clambered up to his feet, half tugging on his mom’s arm. “Why are
you guys being embarrassing now? Jared doesn’t need you to hold him while he
cries. Stop! Dad, make her stop.”
Donna ducked her head down, speaking quietly beside Jared’s ear. “Now I’m just
doing this to bug the kid. He’s pretty funny when he whines, right?”
It was almost impossible to smother his laugh and at Jensen’s next low pitch
half whine Jared lost it, Donna following shortly after until the entire family
was laughing and Jensen was huffing his annoyance. “You guys are mean.”
“And you’re adorable.” Donna grinned as she pulled back from her hug with Jared
and ruffled her son’s hair. “Now sit down and eat before that pout on your lips
gets stuck that way.”
“That never really happens you know,” Mackenzie pointed out, using her fork to
gesture at Jared. “In case you were wondering. Your face can’t really get stuck
cause of the way you make it move.”
Jared smiled and nodded at the girl, reaching out under the table and sliding
his fingers over Jensen’s jaw. Okay, maybe eating dinner with the Ackles wasn’t
that bad.
-= Jensen =-
“I have an idea.” Jensen slipped his truck into park, turning in his seat to
face Jared. “You want to do something?”
Jared snorted a laugh and Jensen couldn’t help but marvel. They may have been
together for a couple of weeks but Jensen never really got tired of that smile.
Even with the occasional altercation at school, Jared was mostly smiling all
the time now, and Jensen thought that was something that needed to be
appreciated. “We do something nearly every day Jen.”
Which was very true. Jared was always spending time at Jensen’s - doing
homework or playing family games - or Jensen was at Jared’s - watching movies,
curled together on the couch. But this idea? It was genius. And Jensen grinned
at Jared. “This is something really special.”
Before Jared could question further Jensen kicked the door open, spinning to
slam it shut quickly and taking off for the barn. He could hear Jared laughing
as he ran to catch up with him so Jensen picked up speed, running through the
barn and skidding to a halt in front of Esther. A moment later Jared collided
into his side, hooking arms around his middle. “Something special in the barn?”
“Let’s take Esther out for a ride. Think you can handle bareback?” Jensen
twisted in Jared’s arms, smiling up at him.
Jared bit his lip for a moment then laughed again, dipping in to bump their
foreheads together. “Jen, sometimes you say the most amusing things without
even knowing it.”
“What did I say?” Jensen frowned, pulling back from Jared as he considered it.
He was pretty sure he was learning a lot of the right lingo for things but he
was afraid to search too much on the internet, things kept getting way too
graphic.
“I’ll explain some time later.” Jared chuckled, kissing Jensen softly then
sighing as he pulled back and turned to Esther. “I haven’t ridden since before
everything happened with my family. We used to go out all the time.”
“Oh... I didn’t realize.” Stepping forward, Jensen slid his hand to the small
of Jared’s back. Every now and then, Jared would get lost in memories of his
past and Jensen always hated the haunted look on his face. “Well, we don’t have
to.”
“No. I want to.” Jared spun to him and smiled, capturing his hand after a
moment. “Let’s go for a ride. And yeah, no saddle is fine with me. Come on.”
Jensen lost himself for a while in that warm, pleasant glow he often got when
around Jared. No matter what people might think upon seeing Jared, he wasn’t
the dark boy he tried to present himself as. Sometimes Jensen thought Jared
used the dark thing as a way to hide, it had been his safety blanket in a way
as a new student, but maybe some part of Jensen actually liked the dark thing.
Something warm crawled through Jensen as Jared slid on Esther behind him,
looping his arms loosely around his waist. Jensen didn’t ride Esther without a
saddle all that often but any discomfort there may have been was erased by
Jared pressed so closely against him. He gripped the reins tightly, forcing
himself not to jerk too hard and scare his poor horse.
Once they were out in the familiar field it was easier to lose himself in the
familiar gentle sway of Esther’s trot, the soft gust of mostly warm late fall
air. It was a brilliant afternoon and Jensen settled back against Jared’s
chest, closing his eyes and letting his head fall against Jared’s shoulder.
Jensen let Jared guide them, losing track of time and distance, focusing in on
the warmth of Jared’s arms around him and the steady rise fall of his chest
with each exhale and inhale. That was the thing about Jared he supposed, the
way he could make Jensen feel like he was floating or something, in some
perfect little world where nothing could ever possibly harm him and it was just
them.
“Let’s stop for a while,” Jared murmured against his ear, pulling gently on the
reins until Esther drew to a stop. “If we let her graze will she stick around?”
“Yeah, she’s pretty good about sticking around.” Jensen nodded and slid easily
down onto the soft grass of the field, Jared dropping to join him a minute
later. “What are we-”
“Tag! You’re it!” Jared shoved at Jensen’s shoulder then took off, laughing as
he ran. Jensen blinked, watching his apparently crazy boyfriend weave through
the grass. “Jen! Come catch me.”
Biting his lip around a smile, Jensen took off after Jared, not slowing even
when Jared did. He collided hard with his boyfriend’s chest, sending them both
tumbling down to the ground. Jensen sucked in a sharp breath in surprised and
pushed up, hands digging into the ground on either side of Jared’s shoulders to
check that he hadn’t hurt the boy. But pushing up pressed his hips down and
Jensen’s eyes widened as he realized how equally lined their hips were.
His eyes flickered down to Jared’s darkening gaze, the blush on his cheeks, the
dip of his Adam’s apple as he swallowed. “Jared,” he whispered, unsure if he
should move or just stay there to see what happened next. Of course, the longer
he stayed the harder it was becoming to breathe, like the tight heat crawling
up in him was clenching pressure around his chest or something and Jensen
didn’t know how to deal with that.
Then Jared was reaching up, slowly pulling off his glasses and setting them in
the grass above his hair. Jared’s features were a little blurry without his
glasses but Jensen didn’t mind so much. Especially not when Jared was gently
pulling him down and their lips were gliding together.
Kissing was something Jensen was still adjusting too. It was amazing and they’d
spent quite a few hours making out over the last few weeks, but something about
it always left Jensen tight and uncomfortable in weird ways. Like longing for
something without knowing what it was. And the more they kissed the worst it
got.
So it was really no surprise that a few minutes of Jared’s tongue gently
weaving against his own and Jensen was trying to subtly squirm against that
tingling, longing feeling. He couldn’t give it a name, exactly, but he was
fairly sure most people would call it desire. Or lust. But Jensen didn’t feel
like it was a big enough word.
Jared meant so much to him. Breaking down the way he felt and defining it with
basic terms seemed like an impossibility. He moaned into the kiss and shifted
on Jared’s body, his hips rolling against Jared’s in a way he hadn’t
anticipated.
“Fuck,” Jared gasped as he jerked back from the kiss, blinking up at Jensen.
“Jen... we should. Um. You should probably not... be like this. I mean, it just
makes it hard. Obviously. Hard to resist though, that’s all and I don’t want-”
“Jared,” Jensen interrupted him, dragging his tongue slowly across his lips as
he breathed in deep through his nose. “You’re cute when you’re all flustered
but, this isn’t really the time for talking.”
Deciding the risk was worth it; Jensen dipped down and slid his lips along
Jared’s neck, surprised how warm and pleasant Jared’s skin tasted. Something
curled in his gut in the best kind of way when Jared moaned and tipped his head
back, giving Jensen more room to taste, Jared’s long fingers sliding up through
his hair. “Jen...” he breathed, his hips rocking up this time and pulling a
surprised moan from Jensen. “You... don’t wanna wait?”
“No, no waiting. I want.” Jensen pushed up again, biting off another moan as
the tight heat of his hard on pressed against Jared’s through layers of
clothing. “Not, not everything, yeah? Just, more. I want more. Can we? Do you
want that?”
“Are you crazy?” Jared huffed a laugh, his voice far deeper than Jensen ever
remembered hearing it. “Of course I want. Not everything, but touching? We
could try that.”
“Okay.” Jensen nodded, hoping the nerves suddenly exploding through him weren’t
completely obvious.
Then he didn’t have to worry so much because Jared was rolling him over,
pinning him to the grass with a hard kiss, and fingers were slipping under the
hem of his shirt along his midsection. Jensen trembled, unable to control the
arch of his body into Jared’s touch, and clenched Jared’s shirt in his fist,
possibly holding on for dear life. The way it felt right then, Jensen thought
he might just fall apart, and Jared’s fingers simply continued to quest lower,
sliding across his hipbone. And Jensen couldn’t really breathe.
***** Chapter 6 *****
-= Jensen =-
“Are you sure?” Jared whispered the question against Jensen’s lips, the air too
warm over Jensen’s kiss swollen lips.
“Touch me,” Jensen insisted with half a moan, closing his eyes to try and ride
out the tidal wave of pleasure. Jared was barely touching him at all, just a
simple brush of his finger beneath his jeans, but Jensen had never felt
something so very amazing.
“God, Jen,” a soft groan fell from Jared with the words and he slipped his
finger free, sliding them over Jensen’s jeans instead. “You’re kind of lethal.”
The first roll down of Jared’s fingers across the tight pressure in his jeans
had Jensen gasping in a breath, his eyes flying open to stare up at his
boyfriend. Jared was watching him, panting softly, his eyes half lidded as his
fingers curled to fit over the pressing hard heat in Jensen’s jeans and slowly
slid up. There was just enough friction to make Jensen feel a little dizzy, all
the air rushing out of his lungs in a near painful rush. And Jared called him
lethal?
Each slow press slide of Jared’s fingers had Jensen writhing down into the
grass, up into the touch of his hand, struggling to find more of that delicious
pleasure and maybe escaping it a little because Jensen didn’t want to come in
his jeans just from this. That kind of sounded mortifying. “Jared,” Jensen
gasped out his name, fingers sliding through the soft cotton of Jared’s dark
shirt.
“Don’t worry, it’s- we’ll get there.” A smile flickered across Jared’s lips
before he was ducking down, capturing Jensen’s in another deep kiss.
Jensen was pretty sure everything in him was on overload. One moment he was
distracted by Jared’s fingers moving slowly over denim, then the dip and circle
of his tongue mapping every inch of Jensen’s mouth, then that pressure across
his hips was suddenly easing as Jared’s fingers flicked at his button and
pulled the zipper down. Jensen’s breath hitched, catching between the hard
glide of their lips, as Jared’s fingers dipped to graze just under his briefs.
Jerking back from the kiss, Jensen stared wide eyed up at Jared, blinking a few
times to try and clear some of the haze clouding his vision. Jared was staring
right back at him, his tongue working in a slow slide over his swollen lips.
Even if he’d wanted to - which he really didn’t - Jensen was pretty sure he
wouldn’t be able to look away. Not even when Jared’s fingers tucked the rest of
the way under Jensen’s boxers and smoothed along overheated skin.
Jared seemed kind of, frozen, now that they were there in the moment. His
fingers were so close to Jensen’s cock it was maddening and he wasn’t entirely
sure he was going to be able to catch his breath any time in the near future.
Unless something happened. Which, currently, didn’t seem to promising. Jensen
stared up at Jared, trying to determine if his boyfriend was freaking out or
changing his mind or - oh man - maybe he thought Jensen looked a little
ridiculous like this. His face had to be all red and his hair was probably
everywhere and his sweater vest was pushed halfway up his chest. He was a mess.
“Jared, we don’t have-”
Then just like that Jared exploded into movement, his hand fumbling the rest of
the way down Jensen’s briefs, his lips crashing almost painfully into Jensen’s.
Long thin fingers curled around the length of Jensen, twisting and stroking in
one steady slide. Jensen whimpered into the kiss, his hips lifting up as if
Jared had pulled him from the ground with the stroke. His hands snapped out and
curled over Jared’s shoulders, wanting to touch more but not entirely sure he
could get his hands to work.
“Oh my,” Jensen gasped as Jared’s lips moved down along his jaw, across his
skin. It was like Jared’s lips were sparking some kind of shocks along every
inch they touched and Jensen was squirming so much on the grass there were
going to be stains on his clothing. “Wanna. I wanna touch, Jared. C-can I?”
“Fuck,” Jared groaned and twisted back, bringing Jensen with him so they were
laying side to side. His fingers continued to move along the heat of Jensen’s
arousal and Jensen shuddered, forcing his hand out to tug at Jared’s jeans. It
was obvious that Jared was just as turned on as Jensen was and the idea of
stroking him in the same way was kind of the best thing ever. “Do it Jen, come
on, want you to touch me.”
Jensen bit down on his lip and nodded, ignoring the slight nervous shake of his
hand as he pulled the button and zipper, freeing Jared’s own arousal. He
couldn’t quite get himself to look down - mainly because he was so close to the
edge as it was and seeing Jared’s tented boxers was probably going to tip him
over the edge - but his fingers shifted over cotton to stroke the radiating
heat.
“Jesus, Jen,” Jared gasped, his fingers tightening around the base of Jensen’s
cock for just a moment. “Al-already so close. Please, don’t tease.”
“Oh my gosh,” Jensen whispered in something like shock. Because he’d looked
down, he couldn’t help it, and seeing his fingers slipping under Jared’s briefs
to just barely ghost over the boy’s red swollen flesh was quite possibly the
most intense thing Jensen had ever seen.
All that swirling pleasure Jensen hadn’t quite adjusted to, the touch of
Jared’s soft fingers, the echoing low hum of his moan, and the skin burning
against his palm, was adding up to conspire against Jensen. He could feel his
release burning sharper and closer with every passing breath. It hadn’t ever
been this way when he touched himself, not even when he thought about Jared
there with him.
“Close, Jen,” Jared warned once more and Jensen pressed forward catching
Jared’s lips in another deep kiss because, well, he was a little worried he
might get too loud or something when he came. They were in the middle of
Morgan’s field, it wasn’t likely that anyone was around, but Jensen wasn’t
entirely sure he wanted Jared to hear him as he came. Just in case it sounded
weird.
Then all the worries and fears about sounding different or looking weird
vanished because that tingling sparking thing was crawling up through him and
his hips were jerking up into the steady slip slide of Jared’s fingers. A
shudder rippled down from Jensen’s shoulders, his heart lurching in his chest
when Jared moaned into the soft part of their lips and slick heat splashed
along Jensen’s fingers.
Jensen might possibly have blacked out for a moment. When he came around he was
slumped against Jared’s chest, his boyfriend’s fingers rubbing along the small
of his back gently. He felt warm and loose all over and his lips curved up in a
slow smile that he couldn’t help. “Whoa.”
Jared’s chest vibrated as he laughed quietly, tightening his hold on Jensen.
“You’re so weirdly adorable at times.”
“Weirdly adorable?” Jensen scrunched his nose up and pulled back, peering up at
Jared. The boy was still a little blurry so Jensen reached up and patted at the
grass until he felt his thin frames and gratefully tugged them on.
As Jared came into focus Jensen’s heart did that weird fluttery thing, because
the smile on his boyfriend’s lips was so fond and Jensen felt a flush of
pleasure at that. Especially when Jared dipped down and kissed his nose. “You
said oh my gosh while I was getting you off. What about that is not weirdly
adorable?”
That flush on Jensen’s cheeks burned a little brighter and he smacked Jared’s
arm. “Shut it, Mister. I don’t call you out on all your completely unnecessary
swear words. You have such a filthy mouth.”
Jared snorted and tugged Jensen half over his chest as he reclined back in the
grass. “One of these days we’re gonna have to talk about how some things have
double meanings and how often you sound just as filthy as me.”
Jensen was pretty sure Jared was exaggerating about that. He’d rather just
focus on laying on Jared’s shoulder and cuddling anyway.
-= Jared =-
The quiet of the hall behind him likely should have warned Jared that something
was about to happen. But over the last couple of weeks things had really calmed
down, people seemed to accept - or no longer care enough to protest - him and
Jensen together. They made a point of not flaunting it at school and everyone
left them alone. Usually.
Jared was probably a bit foolish in his thinking that Mark and his goonies
would just leave well enough alone. They’d laid off for nearly a month but
then, Jared had seemed to notice the teachers being around in the halls more,
keeping an eye on things. He didn’t want to think it was because of him and the
whole coming out thing but it seemed pretty likely.
They’d clearly made the same - wrong - assumptions that everything was back to
peaceful order. Because Jared was just reaching into his locker when it was
slammed shut, nearly catching his hand in its wake. Jared blinked at the closed
metal door then slowly tilted, glancing over at Mark and rolling his eyes. It
would just fucking figure that just when things were going really good in his
life, something else came up to send it all to shit again.
Only, Jared had no intentions of letting Mark or his friends ruin anything.
Because he was happy. He had Jensen and kind of an adopted family. He had Jeff
who never failed to be supportive. And Katie - even if she was crazy - and Matt
and Mandy - even if they tended toward way too much PDA and had forever scared
him during a double movie date the weekend before.
“I got a question for you fag,” Mark said with a smirk, dropping his shoulder
to lean against the locker beside Jared’s. “Are you the one who likes it up the
ass or is it your Bible thumping boyfriend? Does he make you two pray
afterwards so his precious little God will forgive him?”
Jared clenched his teeth and fists, schooling back the instant urge to lunge
and attack. That wasn’t how you won with Mark, he already knew that. “Here’s a
question for you,” he said in a near hiss, forcing his gaze level with the
boy’s. “Do you like to pray after you get off thinking about me and my
boyfriend? You obviously spend a great deal of time wondering about us. Maybe
you’d like some tips on just how to give it up for a boy.”
Anger flashed across the boy’s face, his cheeks darkening along with his eyes
and Jared’s shoulders tensed, bracing for the first in his face he was sure to
receive. “You fucking disgust me.”
“Aw, what’s the matter? You got a thing for Jensen? Sad that he never even
looked your way?” Jared, apparently, wasn’t feeling inclined to protect
himself. Mark only looked angry and he had to stop for a moment, considering
his words. “Oh my god, you do, don’t you? You’d love nothing more than for him
to want you like he wants me.”
“Shut up!” Mark hollered, far too loud in the quiet hallway, and sent his fist
to crash into the locker right beside Jared’s head. “You both deserved to be
kicked out of school. Fuck, you deserved to be tied down and have your ass
kicked until you learn just how fucked up you are. Maybe I just won’t stop.
I’ll fuckin’ strangle the life out of you.”
The boy was crowded in his space, his voice so low and quiet Jared was sure no
one could hear him. And it was terrifying. For the first time since Jared had
encountered Mark, he felt truly threatened. His heart was racing in his ears
and Jared suddenly wanted to snatch Jensen up and hide him away because the
possibility that Mark would go through with his threat seemed all too real.
“If you touch Jensen,” Jared kept his voice just as low and quiet, his eyes
narrowing in a hard glare. “If you so much as lay a finger on him, you’ll be
the one tied up and beaten. I won’t stop until you’re begging for your life and
even then I might not.”
“And what would the little Jesus freak think if he heard you now? Can’t imagine
he could genuinely care for someone so dark and violent.” Mark shoved his
fingers into Jared’s shoulders, sending him stumbling back a few steps.
“Don’t you ever get tired of being filled with such hatred?” Jensen asked
quietly from behind Jared, sliding up to his side a moment later. Jared glanced
over, definitely relieved to have his boyfriend at his side. “Seriously Mark,
doesn’t it wear you down to judge others so harshly? What is it about yourself
that you dislike so much that you feel the need to take it out on others?”
The anger on Mark’s face was back tenfold as he considered Jensen and Jared
slid his arm protectively across his boyfriend’s waist, just in case Mark
decided to attack. Then of course, Mark’s gaze dropped to the touch and his
expression hardened. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about, Jensen.
You both just better watch your backs. One of these days, you’ll get what you
deserve.”
With that the boy spun and stalked off, Luke following swiftly after. Jared
sighed and dropped back against his locker, letting his head thump on the
metal. “What the hell is with that kid? He’s either got a closet complex a
million times worse than yours ever was or he’s more homophobic than my
parents, which...” Jared trailed off, nearly flinching at his words. It all
sounded too harsh to even consider.
Jensen ran his fingers soothingly down Jared’s arm, stepping a little closer to
keep their conversation just between them. “What did he say to you? I saw the
look on your face, it was like... he really scared you. More than he did during
the big fight a few weeks ago.”
It wasn’t like Jared wanted to keep secrets from Jensen or something but he
didn’t necessarily want his boyfriend hearing just how serious he thought Mark
was. In the end he caved and spilled the details because Jensen needed to
understand how serious this was. He needed to know to watch his back. So Jared
gave the boy a play by play of the conversation, catching his hand as he
finished and squeezing. “I really think he meant it, Jen. You have to be
careful around him, okay? Don’t let yourself be alone in the same place with
him. Don’t be afraid to physically fight back if he comes after you.”
“Wow,” Jensen breathed, teeth dragging over his lower lip slowly. “I’m not any
good with violence Jared. You don’t... I mean, he wouldn’t really do something
that bad do you think?”
“Yeah Jensen, I really think he would.” Jared frowned, not likely the idea of
Jensen not taking this as serious as he should. “Look, talk to your Dad about
it. He’ll tell you the risks in not taking it serious. I just want you to be
safe.”
“I will be. I want you safe too.” Sighing, Jensen dipped to kiss Jared’s
shoulder then straightened up. “Maybe we should just stay glued to each other
in-between classes from now on.”
“You would use that as an excuse.” Jared smiled, tugging at the edge of
Jensen’s vest. “Come on. I’ll walk you to class now. Just to be safe.”
-= Jensen =-
A grin broke across Jensen’s face as he pulled into the parking spot, instantly
spotting Katie and Jared inside the dinner. Whatever Katie was saying - and
really, it could be anything - was making Jared shake his head. Then his
boyfriend was throwing a fry at Katie and Jensen laughed, pushing the door of
his truck open and clambering out. Friday nights at the diner were a pretty
common thing for them but it didn’t get old, and Jensen really kind of loved
it.
“This isn’t gonna be fucking Contact Jared. The aliens aren’t gonna come in the
shape of a dead loved one and offer you great wisdom for your life. I’m talking
full blown alien warfare. Think like, Signs, shooting poison from their
wrists.” Katie was speaking loud enough Jensen could hear him the moment he
entered the diner, her arms waving out at her sides as she tried to convey her
level of seriousness.
Jensen smothered a smile as Jared answered. “Well then I’ll be sure to keep
plenty of water and baseball bats around. Signs Katie? That’s supposed to make
me take it serious?”
“Fine. Alien then. You gonna go Sigourney Weaver on the alien’s asses? Hi
Jensen.” Katie spared him a brief smile and glance before fixing her gaze on
Jared again. “Imagine a whole planet of those aliens. We would never stand a
chance!”
“And what if the aliens just wanted to share their recipe for apple pie?” Jared
laughed, dropping his arm over Jensen’s shoulder as he sat and tugging him
close. “I’ve heard apple pie can really make the world a happier place.”
Katie pouted, shaking her head and causing the little UFO earrings she was
wearing to sway back and forth. Jensen was pretty sure the girl’s alien
obsession was getting worse. “Good to see you guys found something to keep you
occupied in my absence.”
“It just wasn’t the same without you here,” Jared said softly, pressing a kiss
to Jensen’s temple and grinning. “How’s the fam?”
“Good, good. They were disappointed you didn’t want to join us tonight. We
played Yahtzee.” Jensen grinned as he straightened up, reaching out for Jared’s
french fries. “Food?”
“It’s on it’s way,” Katie laughed and grabbed her milkshake. “And woohoo
Yahtzee with the Ackles. How could you miss out on that Jared?”
Jensen stuck his tongue out at the girl, elbowing Jared’s side. “Jared loves
game night with my family! Don’t you Jared?”
“Of course I do.” Jared shot Katie a look and squeezed Jensen once more. “Just
didn’t want Katie feeling too left out. You know she’s only a few lonely nights
away from moving into her parent’s basement and buying website for diehard
alien worshippers.”
“Hardy har Jared. You’re so funny.” Katie threw a fry at him, flipping him off
a beat later.
“Katie!” Jensen protested, stretching across the table to smack her had. “Come
on. I put up with the language but you don’t have to do stuff like that.”
“Clearly, Jared, you’re not rubbing off hard enough on him.” With a smirk Katie
slid out of the booth. “Pee break!”
Jensen groaned softly and rubbed his fingers against his brow, glancing over at
Jared. “You put up with her because you love me huh?”
“Obviously.” Jared laughed, hand dropping below the table to rest on Jensen’s
thigh. “Did you say hi to your parents and Mack for me?”
For a moment Jensen was caught up on the idea of Jared loving him but decided
it was better not to address it at the moment - it seemed safer, they were
still too new as a couple to go there. “Of course I did,” he said instead,
dropping his hand over Jared’s on his thigh. “My parents wanted me to extend an
invitation to church on Sunday morning, if you’d like. I know you’re still...
working through a lot of that stuff as far as religion is concerned but if you
want to go. You can sit by me.”
Jensen watched the variety of emotions cross Jared’s face. Maybe something like
fear, nerves, discomfort, then resignation. He wasn’t so sure if he wanted
Jared to go to church with them because he felt like he had to. But maybe one
time would be enough, Jared was already starting to believe that not everyone
of faith would shut him off.
“Do we have to pretend like we’re not dating while I’m there?” Jared asked
quietly, glancing up at the waitress as she set a burger, fries and milkshake
in front of Jensen.
“Thank you.” Jensen smiled up at Debbie - same waitress who’d been serving them
for years - then turned back to Jared in time to watch him snag a fry. “Well, I
spoke with my dad about it and he said we’re free to be ourselves though he’d
rather we not do a lot of kissing or anything.”
Jared laughed and shook his head. “No, I wasn’t planning on doing that. Just
wanted to be able to hold your hand.”
“Well, there will be plenty of hand holding,” Jensen murmured and slid forward,
brushing his lips across Jared’s cheeks. “So you’ll come?”
“Yeah okay, I’ll come,” Jared said softly after a few long moments. “You’ll
pick me up?”
“Definitely.” Jensen grinned and pressed forward, capturing Jared’s lips in a
soft kiss.
“Cool it lover boys, the aliens are attracted to pheromones.” Katie dropped
heavily in the opposite booth and laughed. “Now seriously, alien or predator?
Who would you put your money on?”
Jensen pinched some fries between his fingers and slumped against Jared’s side.
Just another awesome Friday night.
-= Jared =-
No matter how many times Jared ran his fingers through his hair, he couldn’t
get the strands to stay in place. He must have brushed it back over thirty
times that morning, no use. Between the clothes he felt so uncomfortable in and
the hair that wasn’t cooperating, Jared had a really bad feeling about this
entire thing.
“Well, look at you.” Jeff leaned against the bedroom door frame, sipping from a
mug of coffee. “Never seen you look so nice.”
Jared touched the collar of dark blue button down shirt he was wearing. His
slacks were still black but at least his tattoos were covered. They’d have to
get over the red and black hair thing, Jared had kind of grown fond of the
lock. “Yeah well, don’t get used to it.” Jared smirked over his shoulder at
Jeff before sighing and crossing to his bed. “You should come with, be my
support.”
“Gotta mend some fences today.” Jeff chuckled softly and stared until Jared
looked up at him. “You’ve been doin’ real well lately, Jared. Just want you to
know how happy and proud
that makes me.”
Jared dropped his gaze and slipped his shoes on, blinking through the
surprising tears brought on by Jeff’s words. He knew Jeff cared for him but
sometimes it hit him in ways that made his chest feel all tight. Pushing up to
his feet, Jared kept his gaze down for a beat longer then laughed, forcing his
gaze up to Jeff. “We gonna hug it out now?”
“Smartass.” Jeff laughed, head tipping back as he walked across the room and
snagged Jared around the back of the neck, tugging him in for a hug. “C’mon
kid, hug me back.”
“Don’t mess up my hair!” Jared nearly screamed as Jeff’s fingers ruffled up
through his hair but he was laughing too, squirming to try and get free from
the man’s arms, shifting the moment into an impromptu tickle fight suddenly.
“Am I interrupting something?” Jensen cleared his throat from the doorway,
laughing when Jeff and Jared both spun to him. “Jeff! Jared’s supposed to look
presentable if I’m showing him off.”
Jared huffed and detangled himself, smoothing hands through his hair and giving
his boyfriend a sheepish grin. “There will be no presenting of me. I just had
to rough Jeff up a little, he was getting all sentimental and shit, was worried
he might start crying.”
“And those were just fake tears in your eyes huh?” Jeff laughed, heading toward
Jensen and patting his shoulder. “See you boys later, have a fun time at
church.”
Jared snorted but managed to bite back the yeah right that he was sure his
boyfriend wouldn’t be too pleased with. When he looked toward Jensen there was
definitely something knowing about his expression so Jared shrugged and stepped
toward him. “I found a blue shirt.”
”Color looks good on you,” Jensen murmured, reaching out to take his hand and
pull him in for a soft kiss. “Nervous?”
“A little.” Jared nodded, allowing Jensen to tug him from the room. “But you
won’t leave my side right?”
“Not even for a moment.”
That was enough for Jared.
-= Jensen =-
It was pretty obvious Jared was nervous - the tight grip he had on Jensen’s
hand was a pretty good sign of that - and Jensen was pretty sure he could see
little beads of sweat forming along the boy’s brow. A smile twitched on and off
Jensen’s lips but he managed to swallow it back, squeezing Jared’s hand gently
in return.
“No one’s going to jump out and attack you Jared,” Jensen whispered, smiling
and nodding at all the familiar faces as he led Jared down the main isle. He
knew people were glancing curiously at Jared - it wasn’t often they got new
members of the church - but he knew all these people and trusted them not to
treat Jared badly.
Jared gave him a brief, tight smile and dropped his head, letting his hair fall
at either side to protect himself. Or to keep others from seeing him. Jensen
found it kind of adorable, truthfully.
“There you boys are!” Donna swept quickly up from the front row, gathering
Jared up in a hug then pulling them swiftly down to the usual family seats.
“Jared, you look so handsome. Maybe you can get Jensen to switch out some of
these sweater vests he’s so fond of.”
“I don’t think anyone could get him to stop wearing those.” Jared tilted his
gaze up to smile at Donna.
“Well it’d be worth a shot at least.”
Jensen scoffed but his mom’s technique of distracting Jared from his nerves
worked as his boyfriend laughed. “I thought you liked my sweater vest,” Jensen
turned from Jared to his mom. “I don’t support you two ganging up on me about
this.”
“Of course we like your sweater vests. But we’d also like to see you shake it
up a bit,” Donna insisted and dipped down to kiss his cheek. “Worship should be
starting soon, you boys get situated.”
“You guys don’t sing hymns do you?” Jared asked against the edge of Jensen’s
ear. And well, it was a really bad time for Jensen to get caught up on the
pleasure of heat from Jared’s mouth.
“No, we’ve got a band.” Jensen kept his hand threaded through Jared’s and
smiled up at him. “Relax, we’re gonna have a good time.”
Once the music began it didn’t really take Jared that long to relax. Jensen had
never asked him what kind of church he’d attended before but obviously it was
different from theirs because Jared mostly looked surprised. Jensen had always
known there were lots of different types of churches and he wondered sometimes
if he lucked out growing up in the one he did. Maybe he wouldn’t be so
passionate about his faith if things had been different.
He sang along with the familiar songs but kept his hand in Jared’s grasp, half
leaning against his side. The longer the easy comfort of the congregation
settled over Jared the more relaxed he seemed to be and Jensen was truthfully
more than a little relieved. He loved the idea of Jared finding a place to
belong within their church, maybe wanting to return some Sunday. Faith had
always been something of importance to Jensen and he was pretty sure his
boyfriend was well aware of that.
Showing Jared that having faith and being tolerant, understanding, and
accepting was something Jensen was constantly working at. But as his boyfriend
slowly began to smile, sing along with the words projected on the side screens,
Jensen thought maybe all his patience really had been worth it.
As the worship portion finished and they sat, Jensen smiled at his father who
started the sermon with a prayer as usual.
“He won’t draw attention to me, right?” Jared whispered against his ear, sweaty
fingers adjusting and shifting against Jensen’s.
“Only if you talk during his sermon,” Jensen whispered back, grinning when
Jared instantly straightened and turned to face the front.
“Here’s a question for you,” Alan began and Jensen grinned when his eyes
settled on Jared for a moment and his smile softened. “Would you call yourself
a tolerant person? What does that even mean to you? Sure we know the standard
verses: judge not, that you not be judged. Let him who is without sin among you
cast the first stone. It was the stuff you were raised with, right? But how
often do you find yourself judging? How often do you cast that stone at
another, despite the sins you have in your past.”
Jensen had very little doubt as to where this sermon was coming from and sure
enough, when he followed the sweep of his father’s gaze, he could see Mark and
Luke sitting not too far back on the opposite side of the church. Not like
Jensen could read minds but he was pretty sure if he could, both boys would be
squirming mentally by almost literally being called out by the Pastor they’d
known their whole life.
“I met a young man not too long ago who still has so much to learn about life,
so much love to share, so much happiness to spread. Which really was something
remarkable considering this particular young man had been virtually cast aside
by so many people he cared about. And that was really the remarkable thing, to
meet a person who, by all accounts, should have given up on things like faith
and love and hope and to see him continuing to live. Every day he’s judged,
maybe even by someone just like you, but he still keeps his head up as he walks
in a room. There’s a life lesson there for all of us.”
“He’s not talking about me, right?” Jared whispered against Jensen’s ear,
shoulders pressing hard together as Jared scooted closer.
Jensen smiled and glanced over at his boyfriend, lifting his shoulders in a
shrug. He was pretty sure that was exactly who his dad was referring to but
freaking Jared out wouldn’t get them very far.
“So, here’s my request for you. This next week, really stop to think about the
way you react when you see someone. Whether you’re walking through the store or
roaming the halls of your school, give yourself a moment of pause every time
one of those little thoughts pop up. You know the ones, oh how can she wear
that? Why would he say something like that? How can he be gay? How can she
sleep around? Take all that critique and turn it on yourself, see where you
stand under your harshly judging eye.”
There was no mistaking that time where Alan’s gaze was. Jensen didn’t even have
to look back to know his father was staring directly at Mark and Luke. Even
other people seemed to notice, glancing their way curiously. After a beat he
turned back to the congregation and continued speaking but Jensen had to dip
his head down to Jared’s shoulder to hide his smirk and swallow back the urge
to jump up, point at the boys and go haaa.
Yeah, Jensen’s dad was pretty awesome.
-= Jared =-
“So what did you think?” Alan smiled as he squeezed Jared’s shoulder. “Was good
to see you here this morning.”
“It was a very... specific type sermon.” Jared laughed softly and flexed his
fingers out. They were a little sore considering he’d been squeezing Jensen’s
hand nearly the whole time but it was worth it. Now Jensen had run off real
quick to get something from the youth room and Jared just kind of hoped people
didn’t pay too much attention to the random boy speaking with the Pastor. “Um,
Alan, was that one part about me?”
“Anything that may seem oddly similar to real people or places is purely
coincidental.” Alan shrugged but he had that smile on his face he caught when
they played Clue and he knew the right answer to something.
Jared was really fond of Jensen’s dad. He couldn’t really help it. The man made
him laugh and never seemed to have a problem with Jensen and his relationship.
Sure they always insisted the boy’s “keep things PG” and the door open, but
Jared was pretty sure that had less to do with them being boys and more to do
with them being seventeen. He’d never really felt so completely, wholly
accepted by a family before - even Sandy’s parents had always been a little
weird to him before.
So the teasing, it was just kind of icing on the cake, and Jared laughed. “Yeah
okay, then I won’t let it go to my head that you apparently think I’m
remarkable.”
Alan looked surprised for a moment that Jared was teasing him back but he
grinned after a moment and clapped Jared on the shoulder once more. “Oh yes,
definitely don’t do that. I’m sure Jensen would complain if your ego inflates
too much.”
“You bet I would,” Jensen said as he bounced up to them, dropping his arm
heavily over Jared’s shoulder. “Why are we inflating Jared’s ego so much?”
“Oh just because we can.” Alan beamed at them both then stepped back. “You boys
coming home for lunch? Or you going to Jeff’s?”
“Jeff’s,” Jensen answered before Jared could, sliding his arm down to loop
through Jared’s. “Gonna play some video games, maybe watch some movies, just
hang out. I’ll be home for dinner though.”
“Good, your mother put in a roast this morning, it’s bound to be delicious.
Jared, you’re more than welcome to come along if you’d like. Feel free to
invite Jeff as well. That man could use a good home cooked meal. Now I better
go make my rounds, see you later.”
Jared lifted a hand to half wave at Alan as he walked off then twisted slightly
to face Jensen, eyebrows arching. “Video games and movies huh?”
“Figured we could watch movies in your bed.” Jensen grinned and tugged him
toward the aisle. “Shirts are optional.”
“Good, this thing is getting itchy.” Jared tugged at his button down shirt and
laughed.
-===-
“What’s this one mean? You never talk about them.” Jensen slid his thumb along
the flower inked on Jared’s forearm, tracing the lines that had not so long ago
just been healing.
Jared smiled softly and shifted on the bed, rolling enough into Jensen’s heat
that his leg could slip between the boy’s. “It’s a daisy. Meg’s favorite
flower. They all... each of them remind me of my family. One for my mom and one
for Meg. Maybe I’ll get one for my dad and Jeff some day. I just thought I
should always have something to remind me. You know, how it was and how it
ended and how it changed my life.”
“And Jeff just let you do it?” Jensen asked quietly, still staring down at the
tattoo. If Jared had to guess, Jensen wasn’t really curious about what Jeff
thought. He was maybe oddly touched by the sentiment but didn’t want Jared
thinking he was too emotional or sentimental. Jared already knew he was but he
swallowed back the urge to tease.
“Yeah. When I explained it all he understood.” Jared shrugged, dipping in to
capture Jensen’s lips in a soft kiss.
“Maybe one day you’ll get one that represents me,” Jensen murmured into the
kiss, arching up into Jared’s heat. “You know, cause of how I changed your
life.”
“Oh did you?” Jared pulled back to meet Jensen’s gaze, grinning as he tugged
off the wire frames and stretched beyond him to drop them on the nightstand.
“Maybe I changed your life.”
“There’s no maybe about that.” Jensen pressed in once more, slanting his lips
over Jared’s, only parting enough to whisper words moments later. “Pretty sure
you’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”
Jared’s heart fluttered in his chest and he tugged Jensen closer, deepening the
kiss once more. He didn’t need to tell Jensen the same thing, because his
boyfriend would already know. There was no doubt in Jared’s mind that meeting
Jensen was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and Jared really had
no problem admitting that.
~End
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